IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective: Recent Episodes
Ben Pugh
This podcast will help parents of teens keep life's struggles as a teen, and as a parent of a teen, in perspective. Parents will learn real tools to help them help their teens. They will learn how to build a rock solid relationship with their teen so they will have a powerful impact and a positive influence on their teen's life.
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Worrying about your teen may feel like part of being a good parent.
But worry doesn’t protect your teen. It doesn’t predict the future. And it rarely helps you prepare.
Instead, it can make you practice the future you’re most afraid of.
In this episode, Ben shares how he spent three days worrying about a hard conversation. He lost sleep, felt sick, and imagined everything that could go wrong. Then the conversation happened—and it was fine.
Parents often do the same thing.
Your teen misses an assignment, and your mind jumps to him failing school. He spends too much time playing video games, and you worry he’ll never become responsible.
Those thoughts change how you show up. You may remind more, lecture longer, react faster, or try harder to control your teen.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why worry isn’t the same as love
• How fear changes the way you parent
• Why you don’t need to suffer before something happens
• How to care deeply without expecting the worst
• How to practice hope, trust, and confidence instead
You can’t control everything that happens in your teen’s future. But you can choose which version of yourself you practice becoming today.
Take the free Parent Trap Quiz at benpughcoaching.com/quiz.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Have you ever felt like you're trying so hard to connect with your teen... but nothing seems to work?
In this episode, I sit down with a former coaching client who shares how one small shift changed her relationship with her teenage son.
She talks honestly about the frustration, the fear of getting it wrong, and the moment she realized she didn't need to change her son. She needed to change how she showed up as his mom.
In this conversation, you'll learn:
• Why trying harder can actually make things harder
• How to stay connected during difficult conversations
• Why your expectations may be getting in the way
• A simple mindset shift that helps you parent with more confidence
• How showing up with love and consistency changes your relationship over time
If you're raising a teenage boy and wondering if things can get better, this episode will give you hope—and a practical place to start.
Take the free Parent Trap Quiz at benpughcoaching.com/quiz and discover the parenting trap that may be keeping you stuck.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
What if your teen still wants to connect with you, just not in the way you expect?
A lot of parents think, “My teen wants nothing to do with me.”
He stays in his room.
He gives one-word answers.
He wears headphones.
He plays video games.
He acts annoyed when you ask about his day.
But maybe your teen is not rejecting you. Maybe he just does not want connection to feel like a lecture, a test, or a trap.
In this episode, I talk about one mistake many parents make without realizing it. They wait for the “better version” of their teen to show up before they try to connect.
The cleaner version.
The more respectful version.
The more motivated version.
The version who gets off video games the first time.
The version who tells you everything.
But connection cannot only be available to the improved version of your teen.
You can connect with the teen you have right now and still hold boundaries. You can show interest in what he enjoys and still have expectations. You can care about his world without giving up your authority.
In this episode, you’ll learn why your teen may pull away, how to connect without becoming a doormat, and one simple question to ask yourself when you feel frustrated with him.
If you’ve been waiting for your teen to change before you enjoy him again, this episode will help you start right where he is.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
If you feel like you're always reminding, arguing, or trying to get your teen to make better choices, this episode is for you.
Many parents think they need to control their teen to help them succeed. But the harder you try to control them, the more they often push back.
In this episode, Ben shares five lessons he has learned from coaching football that can completely change the way you parent. You'll learn how to lead with confidence instead of reacting with frustration.
You'll discover how to:
- Stop carrying responsibilities that belong to your teen.
- Set clear expectations before problems happen.
- Lead with calm confidence instead of fear.
- Build trust without giving up healthy boundaries.
- Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can't.
Your teen doesn't need a parent who can control every choice they make. They need a parent who knows how to lead.
If you're ready to stop the constant power struggles and start parenting from the inside out, this episode will give you practical tools you can use today.
Take the free Parent Trap Quiz at benpughcoaching.com/quiz to discover the parenting pattern that may be keeping you stuck.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Most parenting advice sounds good.
Be more consistent.
Set better rules.
Use better consequences.
Say the right words.
Stay calm.
But what if the real problem is that most advice points you at the wrong person?
In this episode, Ben talks about why so much parenting advice leaves moms feeling stuck, guilty, and more frustrated with their teen.
You’ll learn why your teen’s success is not your parenting report card, why trying harder may not be helping, and how to stop parenting from fear, guilt, and control.
If you’re tired of nagging, reminding, lecturing, or feeling like your teen’s choices decide whether you’re a good mom, this episode will help.
You’ll learn:
- Why good parents still feel like they’re failing
- Why your teen’s grades, chores, and attitude are not your report card
- The problem with common parenting success checklists
- Why control creates more stress
- How to start parenting from the inside out
- How to lead with more calm, clarity, and confidence
Your teen does not need a perfect parent.
They need a parent who can see the pattern, calm down, and lead from the inside out.
Take the free Parent Trap Quiz:
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
What do you do when your teen wants more freedom, but the trust is broken?
In this episode, I talk with Brayden, a teen I’ve coached who went from almost no trust with his parents to earning more freedom, more peace, and a much better relationship at home.
Brayden shares what it was like to feel watched, questioned, and not trusted. He also talks about the work he had to do to rebuild that trust.
We talk about:
Why trust is not just “given back”
How Brayden learned to accept “no” without arguing
Why more freedom has to come with more responsibility
How getting up on time, doing schoolwork, and helping at home changed things
Why parents and teens both have work to do
How fewer arguments helped rebuild connection
This episode is a powerful look at parenting from the teen’s side.
And if you’re a mom who feels like your teen is always arguing, pushing back, or asking for freedom they haven’t earned yet, this conversation will give you hope and direction.
Your teen can change.
But most of the time, change starts with you leading differently.
Listen in to hear how Brayden rebuilt trust with his parents, one choice at a time.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you feel like you are always reacting to your teen?
You ask a question.
They push back.
You get frustrated.
They shut down.
Then you feel guilty.
In this episode, I talk with Sarah Mueller, a mom of four boys and the founder of The Decluttering Club.
Sarah shares how coaching helped her feel more calm, clear, and equipped as a parent. She talks about what changed in her home, why she feels more connected to her kids, and how she started enjoying parenting again.
We also talk about one of her favorite tools: the Wheel of Life.
This tool helps parents see that hard moments do not mean they are failing. Hard moments can show us what we need to practice.
If you are an overwhelmed mom of a teen boy, this episode will help you see that you do not have to wait for your teen to change before you start showing up differently.
You can lead with more calm.
You can connect with your teen.
You can stop reacting so much.
And you can enjoy your teen again.
Take the Parent Trap Quiz:
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
Learn more about Sarah and Decluttering Club Live:
https://lv.thedeclutteringclub.com/dc-live-2026
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Giving your teen a voice can feel risky.
You want him to learn responsibility, but you also do not want him running the house. You want less pushback, but you do not want to become a pushover.
In this episode, Ben talks about how to give your teen a voice without giving him the final say.
You’ll learn why teens are more likely to take ownership when they help create the plan, how to ask better questions, and what to say when your teen gives an answer that does not work.
You’ll also hear simple scripts you can use for chores, screens, curfew, homework, and other daily battles.
The goal is not to control every move.
The goal is to lead clearly, calmly, and consistently.
Take the free Parent Trap Quiz here:
Benpughcoaching.com/ptquiz
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
When your teen says, “I’ll do it later,” it can feel like they are ignoring you, avoiding responsibility, or trying to start a fight.
But “later” does not have to turn into a power struggle.
In this episode, I’ll show you one simple question to ask when your teen says “later”:
“What time later?”
This question helps your teen move from vague promises to a real plan. It gives them a voice without giving them control of the house. And it helps you stay calm, clear, and in charge without nagging, yelling, or giving in.
You’ll learn why “later” triggers parents so much, why clamping down often makes things worse, and how to help your teen take more ownership.
If chores, screens, homework, curfew, or bedtime keep turning into the same fight over and over, this episode will help you handle that moment in a better way.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Summer with your teen should not feel like a full-time job.
But if you are always reminding, chasing, checking, nagging, and managing everything, it is no wonder you feel worn out.
In this episode, Ben talks about 7 ways to overcome mom fatigue with your teen by stepping out of the “summer police” role. You will learn why your teen may not be taking responsibility, how you may be carrying too much, and how to start giving responsibility back in a way that actually helps your teen grow.
You will also learn how to stop managing every chore, screen time limit, bedtime, and attitude problem without giving up or letting your teen run the house.
This episode will help you see:
- Why reminding all day keeps you stuck
- How to stop carrying your teen’s responsibility
- Why your teen needs ownership, not more lectures
- How to use clear expectations and consequences
- One simple way to give responsibility back this week
If you feel tired, resentful, or like you are the only one trying to keep summer from falling apart, this episode will help you take a deep breath and lead in a better way.
Your teen does not need you to become the summer police.
They need you to help them become more responsible.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do your boundaries with your teen always turn into fights?
You ask him to get off the game, do his chores, go to bed, or follow a summer rule… and suddenly you are in another battle.
In this episode, Ben explains why this happens. A lot of parents think they are setting boundaries, but they are really reacting after things have already gone too far.
And a reaction is not a boundary.
You’ll learn why unclear rules, late conversations, and anger-based limits often lead to more pushback from your teen. Ben also shares how to set boundaries before the fight starts, so your teen knows what is expected and what will happen next.
This episode will help you:
- Understand why your teen pushes back
- Stop setting rules when you are already mad
- Create clearer summer expectations
- Give your teen more responsibility
- Set boundaries without yelling, begging, or giving in
If every rule in your house turns into an argument, this episode will help you see the pattern and start changing it.
Your teen does not need you to control every choice. He needs you to lead clearly, calmly, and consistently.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you and your teen keep having the same fight over and over again?
Maybe it’s about chores, screen time, sleep, attitude, or video games. And with summer coming, you may already feel stressed about what’s ahead.
In this episode, Ben explains why summer often makes these fights worse. But here’s the good news: summer is not the real problem. Your teen is not the problem. And you are not the problem.
The real problem is the pattern that keeps playing out in your home.
You’ll learn why your teen may keep pushing things off, why nagging does not work, and why more rules usually do not fix the issue. You’ll also learn how to start seeing the pattern so you can begin changing it.
If you want less yelling, less nagging, and fewer daily battles this summer, this episode will help you take the first step.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why summer can make teen conflict worse
- Why chores, screens, and sleep turn into daily fights
- Why your teen may keep avoiding responsibility
- Why more rules are not always the answer
- How to spot the pattern behind the fight
- Why changing the pattern starts with you
The same fight does not have to keep happening all summer. A better pattern is possible.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Is your teen struggling right now?
Maybe he is stressed, frustrated, disappointed, or ready to give up. And as a parent, you may want to jump in and fix it.
But what if your teen needs some struggle?
In this episode, Ben and Cortni talk about how resilience is built. It does not come from having an easy life. It comes from doing hard things and learning, “I can get through this.”
You’ll learn why rescuing your teen too fast can backfire, why nervousness is not always a bad thing, and how to support your teen without taking over.
Your job is not to make sure your teen never fails.
Your job is to help your teen believe he can get back up.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Is your teen staying up too late, sleeping through alarms, and walking around tired all day?
You might think your teen has a sleep problem.
But what if sleep is not the real issue?
In this episode, Ben and Cortni talk about the real reason many teens won’t go to bed. It is not just phones, video games, homework, or bad habits. A lot of teens are trying to fit sleep into whatever time is left over.
And if we are honest, a lot of parents do the same thing.
You’ll learn why your teen may be exhausted, anxious, grumpy, and hard to wake up. You’ll also learn how a simple sleep routine can help your teen calm their mind, get ready for the next day, and fall asleep without so much pressure.
This episode will help you stop fighting your teen about sleep and start looking at the bigger picture.
Because your teen may not need more lectures.
They may need help learning how to protect what matters most.
Want help setting boundaries without the constant fight?
Join me for my live workshop: Boundaries That Don’t Suck: Get Your Teen Working With You
It’s happening May 12th at 2:00 PM MDT, and it’s only $7.
Sign up here:
https://benpughcoaching.com/boundariesworkshop
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
If your teen keeps breaking the same rules…
and nothing you try is working…
this episode is for you.
Most parents think they have a behavior problem.
But that’s not the real issue.
You don’t have a behavior problem…
you have a boundary problem.
In this episode, we break down why consequences often fail and what to do instead.
You’ll learn how to stop focusing on what your teen is doing…
and start focusing on what you can control.
Because real change doesn’t start with your teen.
It starts with you.
In this episode, we talk about:
- Why your teen keeps repeating the same behavior
- Why consequences don’t work the way you think
- The difference between behavior and boundaries
- What you can control (and what you can’t)
- How to respond without more power struggles
If you feel stuck, frustrated, or worn out…
you’re not alone.
You’ve just been focused on the wrong problem.
Want to take the next step?
Take the Parent Trap Quiz (it takes less than a minute):
https://benpughcoaching.com/ptquizpodcast
New episodes every week to help you parent with more clarity, calm, and confidence.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Is your teen lazy… or are you just looking at it the wrong way?
In this episode, we break down why your teen might not be motivated—and why it’s not what you think. Most teens aren’t lazy. They’re motivated by comfort, fun, and what matters to them… not always what matters to you.
You’ll learn how motivation really works, why your teen resists what you push, and how to use things like privileges, values, and boundaries to help them take more responsibility—without constant fights.
If you’re tired of nagging, pushing, and feeling frustrated… this episode will help you see your teen differently and show you what to do instead.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, Ben and Nola Gephart talk about why teens want freedom but often avoid responsibility—and what parents can do about it. You’ll learn how to stop rescuing your teen, empower them to grow up, and help them earn independence the right way.
NolaGephartCoaching.com
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
If you feel like you’re repeating yourself every day—and your teen still doesn’t listen—this episode is for you.
“Be home on time.”
“Do your homework.”
“Get off your phone.”
And nothing changes.
Most parents think they have a teen problem.
But what if it’s actually a boundary problem?
In this episode, we break down why most parenting boundaries don’t work—and how to fix them using a simple, practical framework you can start using today.
You’ll learn how to stop power struggles, follow through without feeling like the bad guy, and create boundaries that actually work for both you and your teen.
Because the goal isn’t to control your teen…
It’s to lead yourself.
Key Takeaways:
- Why control creates resistance
- The simple boundary formula that works
- How to follow through without constant conflict
- Why it’s never too late to change your parenting approach
Next Step:
If this episode resonates with you, share it with another parent who needs it—and leave a review to help more families find this message.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
What if your teen isn’t the problem?
Most parenting advice tells you to fix their behavior.
Get them to listen. Change their attitude.
But what if that’s exactly why it’s not working?
In this episode, I sit down with Randon Young, author of Foundations for Business Relationships, to unpack simple but powerful relationship principles that weren’t written for parents… but might be exactly what you need.
We talk about:
• Why focusing on your teen often creates more disconnection
• How trying to “fix” them increases pressure and resistance
• What actually builds trust and connection
• A simple shift you can start using immediately
If you feel like you’re trying everything and it’s still not working… this episode will challenge how you think about parenting—and show you a better way forward.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
You said “I’m sorry”…
But your teen is still upset.
Now what?
Most parents think an apology should fix things.
But with teens, it often doesn’t—and that’s where the frustration starts.
In this episode, I’ll show you why your apology didn’t land…
and what your teen actually needs from you instead.
You’ll learn:
- Why “I’m sorry” alone often falls flat
- The common mistake parents make after apologizing
- How to rebuild trust without overexplaining or chasing your teen
- What it looks like to lead with connection instead of control
If you’ve ever tried to make things right with your teen and felt like nothing changed… this episode will help.
Check out the blog: Episode 303
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you feel like your teen is pulling away?
They don’t talk.
They stay in their room.
And nothing seems to work.
Most parents think the problem is their teen.
But what if it’s not?
In this episode, I share why teens feel disconnected—and what actually helps you rebuild that connection.
It’s simpler than you think.
And it starts with you.
🎧 Listen now to learn how to reconnect with your teen.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Does it feel like your teen is pulling away from you?
Most parents respond by trying to control things. They give more advice, fix problems, and try to guide every decision.
But control often pushes teens farther away.
In this episode of IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective, Ben and Cortni share two powerful parenting ideas: The Pool Edge and The Steering Wheel.
You’ll learn why letting go of control can actually strengthen your relationship with your teen—and how to become the safe place your teen will always come back to.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
When your teen melts down emotionally, most parents react the wrong way.
But what if the most powerful parenting skill isn’t fixing your teen’s emotions?
In this episode, we explore the emotional awareness skill that can make parenting teens much easier.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you ever find yourself reacting just like your teen?
They get angry… and you get angry.
They panic… and you panic.
They shut down… and you shut down.
Most parents don’t mean to do this. But when we mirror our teen’s bad behavior, we actually make things worse.
In this episode, I talk about the difference between mirroring and modeling.
You’ll learn:
- Why awareness is so powerful
- How to catch yourself in the moment
- How to stay calm when your teen isn’t
- 3 simple steps to model the behavior you want to see
You can’t control your teen.
But you can control how you show up.
And when you change, your home starts to change too.
If this episode helps you, please leave a review. It helps other parents find the support they need.
Let’s build rock solid relationships and have a powerful impact.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
"Send Ben a text"
Are teens today really less resilient? Or have we misunderstood what resilience actually is?
In this episode, I break down 5 common myths about teen resilience that many parents believe. These myths can lead to more fear, more panic, and more stress at home.
You’ll learn:
- Why sadness is not an emergency
- Why emotional pain is not dangerous
- Why protecting your teen can actually make them weaker
- Why crying doesn’t mean your teen isn’t resilient
- And what truly builds emotional strength
Resilience is not about being happy all the time. It’s not about avoiding big feelings. It’s about learning how to feel hard emotions and still move forward.
I’ll also share simple, practical steps you can use to help your teen build real resilience — without rescuing, panicking, or overreacting.
If you want to raise a strong, emotionally healthy teen, this episode will give you perspective and tools you can use right away.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Most parents believe they’re emotionally intelligent — but parenting teens reveals the truth fast.
In this episode of IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective, we break down the emotional skill every parent thinks they have (but usually doesn’t) and why missing it leads to frustration, yelling, guilt, and disconnection.
You’ll learn:
- The difference between emotional health, emotional intelligence, and emotional intention
- Why feeling angry, sad, or anxious doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent
- How your thoughts — not your teen — are driving your emotions
- The skill that helps you parent well even when you don’t feel good
- How modeling emotional regulation creates a ripple effect in your teen
This episode is about parenting from the inside out — managing your mind first so you can show up as the parent you actually want to be.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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What do you do when your teen won’t listen, won’t change, or won’t accept help?
Maybe they refuse coaching, therapy, or even a simple conversation.
In this episode, Ben Pugh talks to parents who feel stuck and worn out. He shares what you can do when your teen isn’t willing to work on themselves. You’ll learn how to stop trying to control what you can’t, focus on what you can control, and reconnect with your teen in a healthier way.
This episode isn’t about fixing your teen.
It’s about helping you show up with confidence, love, and clarity—no matter how your teen is acting.
If you feel overwhelmed or unsure where to start, this episode is for you.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Many parents today are scared.
Everywhere you look, there are headlines saying phones, social media, AI, and screen time are driving teen suicide. It can feel overwhelming. And when parents feel afraid, they often start parenting from panic.
In this episode, I want to slow things down and zoom out.
We talk about what the data actually shows about teen suicide. We look at why some of the statistics being shared are true—but also misleading. And we talk about why blaming phones and social media misses the bigger picture.
I also share a personal story from my time as a high school principal and why learning to understand the data helped me move from fear to confidence.
This episode isn’t about ignoring real struggles. Teen suicide is serious. But fear-based parenting is not the answer.
You’ll learn:
- Why most teens use phones and social media without being suicidal
- How fear and panic change the way parents show up
- What research says really protects teens
- Why connection matters more than control
- How to parent from confidence instead of fear
If you’ve felt anxious, worried, or pressured by scary headlines, this episode will help you breathe, think clearly, and trust yourself as a parent again.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Parenting a teen can feel draining.
You might feel tired, frustrated, or stuck in stress mode.
If that’s you, this episode is here to help.
In this conversation, Ben and Cortni talk about why parenting feels so exhausting and how to start feeling better fast. The problem usually isn’t your teen. It’s where your energy and focus are going.
You’ll learn simple shifts that can bring quick relief, including:
- How to stop stressing over things you can’t control
- Why trying to fix or change your teen wears you out
- How to manage your emotions instead of fighting them
- When to give responsibility back to your teen
These small changes can help you feel calmer, more confident, and less overwhelmed—starting today.
If you’re ready to stop feeling so tired and start enjoying parenting again, this episode is for you.
🎧 Press play and take a breath—you don’t have to do this alone.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Blowups. Overreactions. Now What Do I Do?
Every parent has a moment they wish they could take back.
You raise your voice. You overreact. You walk away feeling awful.
In this episode, Ben Pugh and Cortni talk about what really matters after those ugly parenting moments. You’ll learn why blowups happen, how stress and exhaustion play a role, and why repairing the relationship is more important than parenting perfectly.
This episode will help you:
- Understand why parenting blowups happen
- Learn how to repair your relationship with your teen
- Apologize in a way that builds trust
- Stop feeling stuck in guilt and move forward
If you’ve ever wondered, “Did I just mess everything up?” this episode is for you.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Do you ever feel like the harder you push, the more your teen pulls away?
You’re trying to help—but it keeps turning into lectures, power struggles, or shutdowns.
In this episode of IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective, Ben speaks directly to dads who feel stuck between caring deeply and controlling too much. Using simple sports coaching examples, he explains why control creates short-term compliance—but long-term problems.
You’ll learn how to shift from fixing and forcing to coaching and supporting.
This isn’t about being passive. It’s about raising capable adults with confidence and connection.
If you want a calmer home and a stronger relationship, this episode is for you.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Every January, parents set big goals.
And every February, most of those goals are gone.
In this episode, Ben explains why New Year’s goals fail every time—and what actually works instead.
The problem isn’t willpower.
It’s not motivation.
And it’s not that you’re doing something wrong.
Most people start with what they want to do.
Real change starts with who you want to be.
You’ll learn why identity matters more than goals, why habits stick only when they match who you believe you are, and how small daily choices can lead to big change over time.
If you’re tired of repeating the same patterns—especially with your teen—this episode will help you do something different this year.
Simple. Practical. And doable.
Press play and start becoming the parent you want to be.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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What if your teen isn’t the problem?
In this Christmas episode, Ben shares a powerful lesson from A Christmas Carol. Scrooge wasn’t a bad man—he was a wounded one. The same is often true for parents. When teens trigger us, it’s usually a sign that there’s healing work to do inside ourselves.
This episode will help you parent with more clarity, compassion, and confidence—starting with you.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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The holidays can feel busy, loud, and stressful — especially when you’re parenting teens. Many parents try to fix this by setting big goals or New Year’s resolutions, but those don’t usually last.
In this episode, Ben Pugh shares a better way.
Instead of chasing goals, Ben talks about building simple traditions and habits that help you become the parent and person you want to be. These traditions aren’t about forcing family fun or controlling your teen. They’re about creating more calm, meaning, and peace — starting with you.
You’ll learn why what you do matters less than who you are while you do it, and how small traditions can make the holidays (and the new year) feel lighter and more intentional.
If you want less chaos and more connection, this episode is for you.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Your teen might hate you sometimes… and you can still have a great relationship with them.
Most parents think their relationship with their teen is something they both share. But that’s not how it works. You have your own relationship with your teen, and your teen has their own relationship with you—and they’re not the same.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why your teen’s thoughts and feelings are NOT your job
• Why trying to make your teen like you actually hurts the relationship
• How to stop being a “doormat parent”
• How to set calm and clear boundaries
• How to focus on the things you can control
• How to improve your relationship with your teen even if they don’t change at all
If you want more peace, more confidence, and more connection with your teen, this episode will show you where your real power is.
Full show notes for this episode: benpughcoaching.com
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Your teen’s attitude, your frustration, and the same old fights aren’t the real problem — your programming is. In this episode, Ben and Cortni break down why parents get stuck repeating the same patterns even when they’re trying to “do better,” and how a surprising back injury (and some AI wisdom) revealed the deeper truth about how to change.
You’ll learn why your old emotional patterns keep pulling you back, how to spot the warning signs of a parenting “flare-up,” and the one update that instantly improves how you show up with your teen. This episode is equal parts hilarious (yes, including topless back-pain photos sent to AI), relatable, and transformational.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why your old programming keeps sabotaging your relationship
- How to spot the flare-up signs before things blow up
- The surprising lesson Ben learned from an SI-joint meltdown
- How to stop reinforcing parenting habits that don’t work
- What your teen’s “porcupine mode” is really inviting you to do
- A simple way to start reprogramming your parenting today
Whether your teen is crabby, distant, or prickly — or you just want more peace at home — this episode will help you shift your patterns and strengthen your connection.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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The Gratitude Shift That Can Save Your Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is amazing… until it’s not.
Family drama. Stress. That one uncle. The comments you wish you didn’t hear.
But what if ONE mindset shift could help you enjoy the day instead of surviving it?
In this quick Thanksgiving special, Ben and Cortni talk about the real secret to gratitude — not the cheesy, forced kind, but the kind that changes your emotions fast.
Inside, you’ll learn:
- Why gratitude is a choice (not a feeling)
- How to get unstuck when family triggers you
- The mindset mistake most parents make at holidays
- A simple way to shift your focus in under 10 seconds
- How to stop absorbing everyone else’s energy
- What to do when Grandma says something wild
Whether you’re listening on Thanksgiving Day or just trying not to lose your cool this weekend, this episode is your reset button.
You’re not your thoughts. You’re the thinker of your thoughts — and that’s where your power is.
Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz
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Identity is your hidden superpower as a parent.
In this episode, Ben shares a powerful story from the football field about getting out of the victim mindset, redefining his identity, and modeling the exact behavior he wanted to see in his players — and how the same principle can transform your parenting.
You'll learn why your teen doesn’t need a perfect parent… just one who leads with connection, clarity, and consistency.
If you’ve been feeling stuck or unsure how to help your teen, this episode will help you redefine who YOU want to be so you can show up as the parent your teen actually learns from.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Ever tried to push your teen to change… only to have them push right back? You’re not alone.
In this episode, Ben breaks down why trying to force your teen to change almost always backfires—and what to do instead. You’ll learn how to stop pushing, start leading, and model the kind of growth you actually want to see in your teen.
Ben shares real-life examples (including a story about a stubborn horse) to help you see how pressure creates resistance, and how leadership creates inspiration.
If your teen doesn’t want coaching—or doesn’t think they need to change—this episode will show you how you can be the catalyst for transformation in your home.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
When your teen suddenly “stops caring” — about school, sports, church, or even family — it can feel like everything’s falling apart.
Maybe they used to try hard, follow rules, and keep you happy.
Now, they’re unmotivated, moody, or even defiant.
Most parents panic at this point.
But what if your teen’s “not caring” isn’t a breakdown… it’s actually a breakthrough?
In this episode, Ben and Cortni unpack why your teen pulling back might mean they’re finally learning to think for themselves — and why that’s a good thing. You’ll hear real stories from coaching teens and parents who went through this same shift, plus practical ways to stay calm, confident, and connected while your teen figures out who they are.
We’ll talk about:
- Why it’s healthy for your teen to stop pretending to care just to please you
- What “programming” really means — and how to update yours as a parent
- The difference between control and connection
- How to give your teen autonomy without losing influence
- What to do when your teen questions their faith, motivation, or direction
- And why your relationship will always matter more than being “right”
When your teen stops caring, it’s not the end of your influence — it’s the start of theirs.
Learn how to support that growth with love, confidence, and perspective.
🎧 Tune in now and discover why letting go might be the best way to help your teen grow up.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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Every teen has a spark inside them—something that makes them come alive.
But too often, they get lost trying to be who the world wants them to be.
In this episode, I talk with my good friend Arthur C. Woods, author of SPARK for Emerging Leaders. He shares simple ways parents can help their teens discover who they want to be, not just what they want to do.
We talk about:
👉 Why purpose matters more than perfection
👉 How to help your teen take ownership of their choices
👉 The role of mentors, coaches, and parents in lighting that spark
👉 What real leadership looks like for teens today
This is a short, powerful conversation that will inspire you to see your teen in a new light—and remind you that your job isn’t to push them, but to help them shine.
✨ Get Arthur’s book, SPARK for Emerging Leaders, on Amazon or at sparkforemergingleaders.com
💡 Learn more about coaching with Ben at benpughcoaching.com
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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You’re not in control of your teen—and that’s actually the best news ever.
In this episode, Ben and Cortni dive deep into what happens when parents try to control their teens and why it almost always backfires. Drawing from the book Leadership and Self-Deception, they unpack the idea of “being in the box” and how it shows up in family life.
You’ll hear real stories about morning workouts, teenage excuses, and even tacos—all tied to one powerful truth: you can’t control your teen, but you can control you.
When you stop trying to manage every decision your teen makes and instead focus on your own thoughts, emotions, and actions, something amazing happens. You become a calm, confident leader. You show up as the parent you want to be. And your teen starts to respond differently—because you’re different.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or powerless in your parenting, this episode will help you find freedom in letting go and peace in leading with love and awareness.
🎧 Tune in to learn how to:
- Spot self-deception and get out of “the box”
- Lead your teen without trying to control them
- Build trust and influence through your example
- Bring more peace, connection, and joy into your home
It’s time to stop trying to control your teen—and start becoming the kind of parent they actually want to follow.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
You love your teen. You try to help. You want things to get better.
But what if you’re accidentally doing something that’s quietly sabotaging your connection?
In this episode, Ben and Cortni unpack one of the most powerful ideas from Leadership and Self-Deception—the hidden mindset that keeps parents and teens stuck in conflict, frustration, and blame.
You’ll learn:
👉 What “being in the box” really means (and how it shows up in your family)
👉 Why trying to “fix” your teen often makes things worse
👉 The self-deception trap every parent falls into—and how to get out of it
👉 How awareness can break the cycle and rebuild trust
If you’ve ever felt like your teen is the problem, this episode might lovingly show you otherwise.
🎧 Listen now and discover the thing that’s secretly wrecking your relationship—so you can finally rebuild it stronger than ever.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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Most parents secretly wish their teen would just change — listen more, argue less, clean up, do homework, be respectful, etc.
But here’s the truth:
👉 You can’t change your teen.
👉 You can only change you.
In this episode, Ben and Cortni unpack one of the most powerful parenting principles of all time — “Be the change you want to see.”
You’ll learn:
- Why trying to “fix” your teen backfires every time
- How to stop giving away your power
- The difference between victim and hero parenting
- Why awareness always comes before choice
- How real change happens from the roots up, not the fruit down 🍑
If you’ve ever felt frustrated, powerless, or stuck in a cycle of conflict with your teen… this episode will help you reclaim your peace, your power, and your purpose as a parent.
🎧 Listen now and start being the change you want to see.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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In this episode, I break down the difference between false confidence—the kind that’s tied to wins, grades, or outside approval—and foundational confidence—the kind built on preparation, effort, and real experience.
Many teens (and parents) ride the emotional rollercoaster of false confidence. One good play or test score, and they’re on top of the world. One mistake, and it all crashes down. The problem? Mindset and “positive thinking” alone can’t hold up under pressure.
True, lasting confidence comes from stacking bricks—daily actions, preparation, and choices that build a solid foundation over time.
What You’ll Learn:
- The key differences between false and foundational confidence
- Why mindset alone isn’t enough (and what’s missing)
- How athletes can build confidence that won’t crumble under pressure
- Simple ways parents can model and build lasting confidence at home
- How to start “stacking bricks” today—one action at a time
Confidence isn’t luck. It’s built, brick by brick.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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Do you ever wonder if you’re a “good” parent… or fear that you might be a “bad” one? You’re not alone. Many parents live under the weight of these labels, and it can feel heavy and confusing.
In this episode, Ben Pugh explains why “good vs. bad parenting” is a dangerous myth. These labels pull you into comparison, chasing approval, and trying to prove yourself to others. The truth is, parenting isn’t about being “good” or “bad.” It’s about being intentional, living your values, and connecting with your teen.
You’ll learn how to shift your focus from what you can’t control—like your teen’s grades or behavior—to what you can control, like your love, confidence, and curiosity. Stop worrying about approval, and start becoming the parent of your dreams.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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Is your teen struggling? Do you ever wonder how to help them bounce back?
In this episode, I share the ONE thing that makes the biggest difference in building resilience. You’ll hear real stories from my own life, from parents I’ve worked with, and from teens who have faced tough moments.
We’ll talk about:
- Why struggle is not failure but growth
- How your response shapes your teen’s resilience
- The simple shift that helps your teen handle hard things
You don’t have to fix your teen. You can model resilience and show them how to grow through challenges.
Tune in and discover how this ONE thing can help your teen become stronger and more confident.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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What does a viral “Phillies Karen” baseball moment have to do with your parenting? More than you think.
In this episode, I break down the Phillies Karen story—not to pile on or cancel—but to show you how outrage, mob mentality, and cancel culture are distractions that rob you of real parenting power.
You’ll learn:
- Why cancel culture is contagious (and so is compassion)
- How herd mentality creeps into your parenting without you realizing
- What the Phillies dad’s choice actually teaches us about conflict, love, and character
- Simple questions you can ask yourself to rise above outrage and parent with confidence
This isn’t about judging strangers online—it’s about reflecting inward and becoming the parent your teen needs most.
👉 Parenting gets easier (and more fun) when you stop trying to fix others and start focusing on who you want to be.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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Your teen knows when you’re being real… and when you’re not.
In this episode, Ben and Cortni talk about “fake parenting” and why it pushes teens away. Teens don’t need a perfect parent. They need the real you.
You’ll learn:
- Why fake parenting kills connection
- How to create a 10-word vision statement to guide you
- Why focusing on what you want works better than focusing on what you don’t want
- A simple gratitude hack that makes parenting easier
When you show up as your true self, your teen feels safe, loved, and ready to connect.
👉 Want help becoming the parent you want to be? Book your free mini session at benpughcoaching.com/mini
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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How to Simplify Parenting by Fixing Only Two Problems
Parenting often feels overwhelming—like you’ve got 117 things to fix at once. But what if the secret to real change wasn’t fixing everything… but focusing on just two?
In this episode, Ben shares how a lesson from football and his time as a high school principal transformed into a powerful parenting principle. You’ll learn how to:
- Identify the two core problems driving most of the chaos at home
- Stop wasting energy trying to fix all 117 little issues
- Empower your teen by involving them in finding solutions
- Make parenting simpler, less stressful, and way more effective
Listen now and discover how simplifying your focus can transform your family.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
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Do you ever catch yourself parenting for the approval of others—your neighbors, your parents, or even your teen? The truth is, people-pleasing doesn’t build connection. It creates distance.
In this episode, Ben and Cortni unpack why parents often hide behind “masks” of who they think they should be—and how that keeps them from real connection with their teens. You’ll hear powerful stories from sports, parenting, and coaching that reveal why authenticity always wins.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
- Why people-pleasing hurts your relationship with your teen
- How to recognize when you’re parenting for approval
- The role of identity in becoming the parent you want to be
- A simple tool (10-word vision statement) to guide you back to your real self
- How being authentic inspires your teen to do the same
Parenting gets easier when you stop trying to be “perfect” and start being the real you. Listen in and discover how to connect more deeply with your teen today.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you ever feel like you’re running on empty?
Like life is just go, go, go — and you’re burning out?
In this episode, Ben shares how he went from stressed and overwhelmed to calm and confident. You’ll learn why overwhelm is a choice, and how to stop wearing busyness like a badge of honor.
Get ready for simple tips that will help you slow down, be present, and enjoy your life — even when it’s full.
🎧 Listen now and start feeling less stressed today.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Is your teen nervous when it really matters? Do they freeze, overthink, or doubt themselves when the pressure’s on?
In this episode, I’ll share the one powerful thing that can help your teen show up with confidence — even in high-stress moments. Whether they’re an athlete, artist, or academic, this tool will help them stop focusing on what they can’t control and start performing like the person they want to be.
This one shift changed everything for a teen athlete I coach. And it can help your teen too.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Is your teen yelling, arguing, or just pushing all your buttons?
In this episode, I’ll show you the one trick that can change everything: modeling the behavior you want to see.
You’ll learn how to:
- Stop mirroring your teen’s bad behavior
- Escape the controlling parent trap
- Lead with calm, confidence, and purpose
- Turn blowups into powerful teaching moments
You don’t need to be perfect—you just need to show up with intention. Let’s dive in.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
What do you do when your child is too scared to go down the big slide?
In this fun episode, I talk with my 10-year-old son about a moment when he felt nervous—and how he learned to be brave. We share a simple trick his mom taught him that helped him face his fear and turn anxiety into excitement.
You’ll hear real stories, lots of laughs, and a powerful lesson you can use with your own kids.
🎧 You’ll learn:
- Why anxiety and excitement feel the same
- How to help your child be brave when they’re scared
- What it means to “flex your brave muscle”
This episode is a great reminder that bravery isn’t about having no fear—it’s about choosing to try anyway.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, Ben and Cortni talk about 3 powerful books that changed the way they parent. These books helped them let go of control, build better relationships, and become the parents they want to be.
Ben shares why he avoided one of the books at first—and how it ended up being a game-changer. Cortni tells stories about how these books helped her stop stressing and start showing up with love.
You’ll learn:
- How to stop trying to control your teen
- Why it’s never too late to change
- How books can help you feel less stressed and more confident
If you want simple tools, honest stories, and real change, this episode is for you.
🎧 Tune in now and get inspired to be the parent your teen needs.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Are you too distracted to parent the way you want to?
In today’s episode, we’re talking about something that’s affecting all of us—parents, teens, and even younger kids: distraction. From endless scrolling to binge-watching, the world is louder than ever. And it’s keeping you from being the parent you want to be.
But here’s the good news—there’s a way out.
I’ll share 3 simple steps to help you break free from distraction and start building the kind of discipline that brings connection, peace, and freedom. You’ll learn how to spot the distractions, subtract the noise, and build one small habit that creates big change.
This isn’t about guilt or shame—it’s a wake-up call to help you lead your teen by example.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Tired of getting one-word answers or total silence from your teen? You're not alone. In this episode, Ben and Cortni share five simple tips that will help you open up real conversations and build a stronger connection with your teen—without pushing, prying, or lecturing.
Whether your teen is super chatty or totally closed off, this episode gives you tools to build trust and real connection.
What You’ll Learn:
✔️ What NOT to do when trying to talk to your teen
✔️ How to spot the topics your teen actually cares about
✔️ Why car rides are secret gold for connection
✔️ Why “being cool” doesn’t work—and what to do instead
✔️ How to handle silence and resistance with love
🔔 Subscribe for more tips on parenting teens with confidence, curiosity, and fun.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
AI is everywhere—your teen’s phone, their schoolwork, even their social life. But is it helping them grow... or making things harder?
In this episode, Ben and Cortni dive into how artificial intelligence is shaping the way teens think, learn, and connect—and what that means for you as a parent.
Is AI your parenting ally or your biggest challenge yet?
🎧 Tune in to learn:
- The surprising ways teens are already using AI (for better or worse)
- Why AI isn't the real problem—and what is
- How to help your teen develop critical thinking in a digital world
- The one question every parent should be asking about tech and trust
AI isn't going away. But with the right tools, you can still be the most powerful influence in your teen's life.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
When Howie came home early from his mission, he felt lost, embarrassed, and stuck in a victim mindset. But everything started to shift after just one coaching call. In this episode, Howie shares his powerful story of learning to own his choices, escape the shame spiral, and take back control of his life.
Whether you're a parent of a teen who's struggling—or a young adult trying to figure life out—this episode will help you see how much can change when you stop playing the victim and start leading your life on purpose.
🔑 What You’ll Learn:
- The difference between victim and hero mindsets
- Why one powerful coaching conversation can create a breakthrough
- How to support teens who feel stuck, lost, or misunderstood
- How to use identity and values to rebuild self-trust
📬 Want help like this? Book a free call: https://benpughcoaching.com/mini
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Are you tired of trying to fix your teen—or anyone else in your life? In this episode, Ben Pugh and fellow coach Marika Humphreys share a powerful truth: real transformation doesn’t happen “out there.” It starts inside YOU.
Through real stories and personal examples, they explore why peace, confidence, and clarity come when you stop managing others and start becoming the parent, partner, or person you want to be.
Whether you're parenting a teen, caring for a loved one, or simply trying to grow, this episode will help you shift your focus, reclaim your energy, and step into your true self.
🎧 Tune in to learn:
- Why trying to change others leads to burnout
- The mindset shift that unlocks calm and clarity
- How to define who you want to be—and live it daily
This conversation is full of hope, humor, and real-life insight. Don't miss it!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Should we ban AI in schools, or teach our teens how to use it? In this episode, I share why banning AI is short-sighted and how you can help your teen use it responsibly, ethically, and safely.
🎧 You’ll Learn:
- Why banning AI hurts more than it helps
- How AI is like the modern calculator
- 3 ways to help your teen use AI wisely
- What AI means for your teen’s future job
👨👩👧👦 Be the guide, not the gatekeeper.
Let’s talk about raising confident, tech-savvy teens.
🔗 Book a free consult: benpughcoaching.com/mini
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you ever say things like, “I don’t have time,” or “I’m too tired”? These sound like good reasons… but they might just be excuses.
In this episode, I talk about how we lie to ourselves with “good reasons” and how that keeps us stuck. I share a real story about a teen who came home early from a mission and felt like he had to explain why. You’ll learn how to stop making excuses, take control, and show your teen how to do the same.
We’ll also talk about how to:
- Spot your own “good reasons”
- Take full ownership of your choices
- Help your teen do the same
No more blaming. No more hiding. Just real, honest change.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you ever feel stuck, like life is just happening to you? In this episode, we talk about the victim mindset—what it is, how to spot it, and how to break free from it.
You’ll learn simple ways to take control of your thoughts, shift your mindset, and be the kind of parent your teen needs. We share real stories, helpful tips, and easy tools you can start using today.
If you’re tired of blaming, complaining, or feeling stuck, this episode will help you feel more powerful and more in control.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you feel like your teen is out of control? Are they angry, acting out, or even kicked out of school?
In this episode, I answer a message from a listener named Jodi. She’s a therapist who is worried about her niece’s 13-year-old son. He has ADHD and ODD and was just expelled from school. Now the family is thinking about sending him to a troubled youth camp.
I’ve been there. I got suspended from school as a teen — and it didn’t ruin my life. I share my story and give you tools to help your teen without shame, blame, or fear.
💡 What you’ll learn:
- Why expulsion isn’t the end
- What ADHD and ODD really mean
- How to connect with your teen
- Why control doesn’t work — but love does
You’re not alone. There is hope. Let’s figure this out together.
👉 Need help? Book a free mini session at benpughcoaching.com/mini
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
This special Mother’s Day episode is all about giving yourself a gift that matters: self-love. Many moms feel guilty and think they’re not doing enough. But what if the best gift this year is kindness to yourself?
Ben talks about how to stop the negative self-talk, how to feel better about being a mom, and how to show yourself the unconditional love you deserve. You’ll also hear a fun, simple idea for a Mother’s Day gift that means more than flowers.
If you’re a mom who wants to feel more peace, love, and confidence, this episode is for you.
Click here for the full episode show notes: benpughcoaching.com/257
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Why are we so addicted to being anxious? In this episode, Ben and Cortni dive deep into how anxiety has become a crutch for so many of us. They talk about why we let worry take over our lives and how to stop it from controlling us.
You’ll learn about secondary gain—the hidden way anxiety gives us a "benefit"—and why it keeps us stuck. Ben shares personal stories about tough love, coaching, and how embracing discomfort can help us grow stronger. Cortni gives tips on parenting and teaching kids to face their fears without letting anxiety define them.
This episode will help you:
- Understand why we "worship" anxiety.
- Learn how to let go of worry.
- Teach your kids to handle fear and discomfort.
- Build resilience in yourself and your family.
If you feel like anxiety is holding you back, this episode will give you the tools to start taking control.
💡 Takeaway: Stop worshiping worry and start living life with strength and confidence!
Follow us for more episodes and updates:
Benpughcoachng.com/256
IG: @benpughcoaching
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Does it feel like your teen wants nothing to do with you? The truth is, they don’t hate you—they actually want to connect with you, even if they don’t show it! In this episode, we dive into why teens act distant, how parents can misread their behavior, and the simple changes you can make to build a stronger bond.
We’ll talk about how your beliefs about your teen might be affecting your relationship and why connecting through shared values is so important. You’ll also hear real-life examples, practical tips, and advice for making invitations to spend time together—even when your teen acts like they’re not interested.
If you’ve ever felt frustrated or stuck when trying to understand your teen, this episode will give you the tools and mindset to reconnect and strengthen your relationship. Don’t wait for your teen to come to you—it’s time to take the first step!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you have a teen who wants to do things their own way? You’re not alone! In this episode, Ben and Cortni talk about what to do when your teen becomes more independent and starts making choices you don’t always agree with.
You’ll learn:
- How to set healthy rules and boundaries
- Why it’s okay for your teen to have different values than you
- Ways to stay calm and loving, even during tough times
- How to connect with your teen, even if they push back
Ben shares real stories, fun moments, and simple tips to help you build a strong relationship with your teen—even when they want to do things their own way.
Listen now and discover the secrets to thriving with your independent teen!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Help! My teen made a big mistake! What now?
In this episode, I’m answering a heartfelt question from a parent who feels stuck after their teen made a big mess of things. If you’ve ever worried that your family is falling apart, this one’s for you.
We’ll talk about how to handle tough teen choices, what to do when parenting feels hopeless, and how YOU can lead your family toward growth and healing. Mistakes don’t have to be the end of the story—they can be the start of something better.
You’ve got this, and I’m here to help!
Connect with me:
📧 Email: ben@benpughcoaching.com
🌐 Website: benpughcoaching.com
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, we talk about 5 common challenges teens face and how to help them overcome these struggles. From trying to fit in to dealing with distractions, we share simple tips and solutions that can make a big difference.
You’ll learn how to:
- Help teens focus on what matters most.
- Build discipline instead of chasing motivation.
- Overcome excuses and take action.
Parents, this episode will help you connect with your teen and support them in becoming their best selves. Teens, if you’re listening, these tips can help you stand out and achieve your goals.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Is your teen struggling to stay motivated? You’re not alone! In this episode, we explore how to unlock your teen’s hidden motivation. 🎙️
Learn why their motivation is outside your control, how your own thoughts and actions can inspire them, and practical tips to help them find their drive. We’ll also dive into using positive incentives, understanding their values, and letting them learn from natural consequences.
Plus, we’ll share fun stories, simple advice, and ideas to make parenting more enjoyable for you and your teen. If you’ve ever wondered how to boost your teen’s confidence and help them thrive, this episode is for you!
💡 Have a question about parenting teens? Hit the link in the show notes to send us your questions!
Follow the podcast for more tips and tools to help your teen grow!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Helping your teen feel more confident can be tough, but it’s not impossible! In this episode, we talk about simple ways to boost teen confidence.
We’ll share three common mistakes parents make that can hurt their teen's confidence—like fixing their problems, comparing them to others, or trying to control their decisions. Then, we’ll give you tips on how to empower your teen, believe in them, and help them build confidence on their own.
Whether your teen struggles with school, friendships, or just believing in themselves, this episode is filled with practical advice to help you connect with your teen and support them where they are.
If you enjoy the episode, please share it with other parents who might need it. Let’s help our teens grow into the confident people they’re meant to be!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
How do you know if your teen needs coaching? What if it’s actually YOU that could benefit the most? In this episode, Ben and Cortni dive into how to tell who in your family might need extra support and why starting with yourself can make the biggest difference.
We’ll talk about:
- Signs your teen might need coaching.
- Why coaching only works when it’s wanted.
- How your own growth can inspire your family.
- Parenting on the same team vs. the same page.
Ben also shares tips on setting boundaries that work and explains why trying to control your teen often backfires. This episode is full of real-life stories, helpful tools, and even a little humor!
Got a question or need advice? Send Ben a text directly from the podcast page!
Start listening today to build stronger relationships.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Does it feel like your teen doesn’t want you around? In this episode, Ben Pugh reveals a surprising truth: your teen actually wants more connection with you! Even when they push you away or say hurtful things, they’re secretly craving your love and attention.
Ben explains why teens act this way, how it’s tied to their development, and what you can do to build a stronger relationship. Say goodbye to the myth that teens hate their parents and learn simple ways to reconnect today.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- How to understand what your teen really wants.
- The hidden signs that your teen needs connection.
- Easy tips to rebuild your parent-teen relationship.
Got parenting questions? Ben shares how you can text him and even have your question featured in a future episode! Don’t miss this eye-opening conversation that could transform your relationship with your teen.
Subscribe for more tips and insights every week!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, I’m sharing three decisions that completely changed the way I parent. These simple choices helped me build a stronger relationship with my teen, let go of stress, and become the parent I’ve always wanted to be.
You’ll hear about:
- The #1 book that changed my perspective on parenting.
- Why letting go of control can actually help your teen.
- How creating a parenting identity makes parenting easier.
Parenting doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. Tune in to learn how these three decisions can make parenting simpler, more fun, and more effective.
Don’t forget to leave a review and share this episode with other parents of teens!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Are you trying to empower your teen but feel like you’re losing control as a parent? In this episode, Ben Pugh and co-host Cortni talk about how to empower your teen effectively while keeping your own power.
We’ll share simple tips and real-life examples to help you:
- Ask the right questions without overthinking.
- Handle “I don’t know” and “I don’t care” responses.
- Let your teen make decisions and learn from their mistakes.
- Stay confident as a parent and model the behavior you want to see.
Parenting teens doesn’t have to feel overwhelming! Learn how to build a stronger relationship with your teen and guide them toward independence while staying true to yourself.
Listen now for practical advice and encouragement!
Have a question? Send us a message, and we might answer it in a future episode!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, we’ll teach you how to create a 10-word vision statement to guide your parenting! A vision statement helps you stay focused on being the parent you want to be, even during tough times.
Join Ben and his co-host, Cortni, as they break down the simple steps to create your vision statement. You’ll learn how to reflect on your values, question your parenting identity, and build stronger connections with your teen.
Ben and Cortni also share real-life stories, tips, and tools, including how quiet time (and even ChatGPT) can help you brainstorm ideas. This episode is packed with helpful advice to make parenting easier, more fun, and more intentional.
Tune in and start creating your 10-word vision statement today!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why a vision statement is so important for parents.
- How to brainstorm words that describe the parent you want to be.
- Ways to use your vision statement every day.
Let us know your 10-word vision statement—we’d love to hear it! Just click "SEND BEN A TEXT"
Ready to parent with love, confidence, and curiosity? Hit play now!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Are you the parent you’ve always wanted to be? In this episode, Cortni and I talk about how to create a clear vision for better parenting. We share personal stories, lessons from our own childhoods, and tips to help you reconnect with your parenting goals.
Learn about the power of a 10-word vision statement—a simple tool that can guide your parenting, help you avoid common struggles, and strengthen your connection with your kids. Whether you want more structure, better communication, or just a fresh start, this episode will give you ideas to grow as a parent.
Tune in and take the first step toward becoming the parent you’ve always dreamed of being!
Next Episode Teaser: We'll walk you step-by-step through creating your own 10-word vision statement. Don’t miss it!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Do you sometimes feel stressed about things you can't change as a parent? In this episode, Ben Pugh and Cortni talk about how to feel better by focusing on the things you can actually do something about. They share simple tips and real stories from other parents who learned to worry less.
You'll hear about parents just like you who found ways to have better relationships with their teens. Ben and Cortni explain how letting go of things you can't control can make parenting feel much easier.
In this episode, you'll learn:
• How to know what things you can and can't control
• Ways to feel less worried about stuff you can't change
• How to get along better with your teens
• Simple steps to make things better at home
This episode will help you feel more relaxed as a parent and show you how to make positive changes in your family.
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, we explore how shifting your perspective can transform your parenting experience. Using a real-life example from a high school basketball game, I dive into the difference between perception and perspective—and how both affect the way we see and interpret our teen’s behavior.
Learn how emotional attachments, biases, and desired outcomes shape what we see and how we respond. I’ll share simple strategies to question your perception, model empathy, and strengthen your connection with your teen.
Discover how seeing the world through a clearer lens can help you build rock-solid relationships and have a lasting impact on your teen’s life.
Resources Mentioned:
- Schedule a FREE coaching call: benpughcoaching.com/mini
Join me as we turn parenting struggles into strengths!
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, Ben discusses the critical role parents play in teaching responsibility to their teenagers through personal example. He explores the contrast between victim and hero mindsets, explains why many parents struggle with expecting more responsibility from their teens than they demonstrate themselves, and provides practical strategies for creating a culture of accountability at home. Learn how to break free from the blame game and empower your teens by modeling the responsible behavior you want to see in them. Ben shares personal experiences, recommended books, and actionable steps to help parents become better examples of responsibility for their teenagers.
00:00 Introduction to Impact Parenting
00:49 The Power of Responsibility
03:00 Blame Game vs. Responsibility
04:10 Hero Mindset in Action
06:11 Modeling Responsibility for Teens
09:11 Practical Tips for Parents
14:26 Recommended Reads and Conclusion
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, Ben talks with Marci Owen about how our minds get programmed and how we can change that programming. Here are the key points they discuss:
Main Topics:
- How past experiences shape how we think about ourselves
- Why it's important to notice patterns in how we act and think
- Ways to change unhelpful beliefs about ourselves
- The power of being kind to ourselves when we make mistakes
Key Stories and Examples:
- Marci shares her story about struggling with math and how it affected her confidence
- Ben talks about learning to solve a Rubik's Cube after believing he couldn't do it
- They discuss how parents can help their kids by working on themselves first
Important Tips:
- Take time to notice your thoughts and behaviors
- Remember that you can change old patterns of thinking
- Be patient with yourself as you make changes
- Practice new ways of thinking when things are going well
Resources Mentioned:
- Free Questions Guide
- Marci's Self Love Lab
- Marci's podcast: The Courageous and Confident Christian Mom
Connect with Marci:
- Instagram: @marci.owencoaching
- Website: httsp://marciowen.com
Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?
Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.
Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.
https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
"Send Ben a text"
Join me for an insightful conversation with Marci, an advanced certified trauma-informed life coach who specializes in helping Christian moms cultivate self-love and confidence. In this powerful episode, we explore how early life experiences shape our behaviors and discuss practical strategies for personal growth.
We'll dive into:
• Why self-love isn't selfish - it's essential for effective parenting
• How subconscious patterns affect our daily lives and relationships
• The impact of early life experiences on our nervous system
• Ways to recognize and change limiting coping mechanisms
• The importance of self-awareness in personal growth
Whether you're a mom struggling with putting yourself last, someone caught in negative behavior patterns, or just interested in personal development, this episode offers valuable insights into understanding and improving yourself.
Learn how to break free from limiting patterns and embrace a more empowered way of living. Discover why taking responsibility for your own growth can transform not just your life, but your family's too.
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
As we get close to the end of 2024, it's time to think about our lives and ask ourselves: are we stopping ourselves from being the best we can be? In this episode, we talk about how our goals and dreams are all connected, and how the choices we make in one part of life can change other parts too.
We'll talk about:
• Seeing the places in your life where you might be holding yourself back
• How goals and dreams that seem different are actually connected
• The power of being the person you want to be
• Why blaming others, making excuses, and acting like a victim is bad
• Easy ways to take responsibility and control your life
• How being the change you want to see can make your relationships and life better
Whether you want to be healthier, make your business better, or have a better relationship with your teen, this episode will help you break free from the things that are holding you back and start living as the best version of yourself.
As we go into the New Year, let this be your chance to stop holding yourself back and start being the change you wish to see in your world. Listen now and find out how powerful it is to be your best self!
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
Are you tired of complicated parenting advice that leaves you feeling overwhelmed? In this eye-opening episode, we explore how to simplify your approach to parenting teens by focusing on two essential elements: connection and empowerment.
Despite being more "connected" through social media than ever before, many teens feel deeply lonely and disconnected from their parents. Learn why trying to control everything in your teen's life might be pushing them away, and discover simple strategies to build authentic connections with your teen.
You'll learn:
• Why complicated parenting strategies often fail
• How to connect with your teen through their unique interests and values
• The importance of accepting your teen as they are
• Ways to empower your teen through meaningful conversations
• Why letting your teen face consequences can be the best gift you give them
Whether you're struggling with a disconnected teen or just want to simplify your parenting approach, this episode offers practical insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teenager.
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, we dive into the four key principles of effective parenting that can help you navigate the challenges of communicating with your teen.
We explore detaching from your teen's outcomes, opening communication, being willing to roll with the punches, and letting your teen be responsible for their own consequences.
Learn how to create a safe space for your teen to discuss their actions, set clear boundaries, and empower them to make better choices.
Tune in for practical strategies to implement these principles and foster a stronger connection with your teen.
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
In this episode, we talk about a tough problem many parents face: when a teen refuses to go to school. We look at a question from a mom in a parenting Facebook group. She shares her struggle with her 15-year-old son, who won't go to school and gets angry when she takes away his phone.
As parents, it's easy to feel like we can't do anything in these situations. But the key is to focus on what we can control, not on trying to change our teens. We talk about using a "T-Chart of Control" to figure out what we can and can't control as parents.
We also talk about why grounding teens can sometimes make things worse. Instead, we suggest having honest talks with your teen to build better rules together.
If you're having a hard time with a teen who won't listen, this episode will give you some helpful tools and a new way to think about these challenges. Remember, you're not the only one going through this, and there is hope for a better relationship with your teen.
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
In this special Thanksgiving episode, we're joined by Ben Stefan, a former teen client who shares his powerful journey with life coaching. Over the past five years, Ben has experienced significant improvements in his emotional well-being, relationships with family, academics, and sports. He discusses specific tools and mindset shifts that have been game-changers, such as focusing on what's within his control and avoiding the victim mentality. Tune in to hear how life coaching has made a lasting impact on Ben's life and gain insights on fostering positive relationships with your teen.
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:41 Special Thanksgiving Episode with Guest Ben Stefan
01:44 Ben Stefan's Journey and Coaching Experience
04:10 The Impact of Coaching on Ben's Life
06:39 Coaching Techniques and Their Benefits
10:48 Values-Based Relationships and Sales
16:06 Ben's Relationship with His Family
29:44 Final Thoughts and Thanksgiving Wishes
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
Do you want to know the biggest mistake parents of teens make? It might surprise you! Many parents think it's things like yelling at their teen, trying to control them, or being too friendly. But the biggest mistake is actually trying to change their teen instead of focusing on being the kind of parent they want to be.
In this podcast, we talk about how to be the parent of your dreams. First, you need to know what kind of parent you want to be. Then, you should do a daily check-in to see how you're doing. You can also practice being the parent you want to be using something called the "Wheel of Life." And remember, focus on what you can control, which is yourself, not your teen.
If you're tired of always yelling at your teen, figure out what kind of parent you want to be instead. Then start working on being that kind of parent. It won't be easy and it won't happen overnight, but with practice and awareness, you can be the parent of your dreams!
See the full show notes at: https://benpughcoaching.com/233
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
Life with teens is like a constantly turning wheel - sometimes you're on top, sometimes you're underneath. In this powerful episode, learn how to use these natural ups and downs to become a better parent.
You'll discover:
• Why some moments with your teen feel easy while others feel impossible
• How to use the good moments to prepare for the challenging ones
• A simple way to practice being your best parenting self
• How to stay calm when parenting gets tough
• Why your teen's behavior isn't always about you
Plus, learn how this tool works perfectly with last week's Parenting Debrief technique to transform your relationship with your teen!
Perfect for parents who want to stop riding the emotional rollercoaster with their teens and start parenting with confidence - no matter where the wheel takes you.
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
Want to become a better parent? Just like athletes watch game tapes to improve, parents can look back at their parenting moments to get better too! In this eye-opening episode, we'll introduce you to a powerful tool called the 'parent debrief.'
We'll explore:
• What a parent debrief is and why every parent needs one
• Two different ways to do a debrief (by yourself or with your teen)
• How to turn tough parenting moments into opportunities for growth
• Ways to strengthen your relationship with your teen
• Common mistakes to avoid
• How to use this tool to become a more aware and intentional parent
Plus, get our free PDF guide with the exact steps and questions for doing your own parent debriefs!
Perfect for parents who want to learn from both their good and not-so-good parenting moments. Discover how this simple practice can transform your parenting and help you become the parent you want to be!
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
Think of your parenting style like a thermostat - it's set to run at a certain temperature no matter what. In this eye-opening episode, we explore how these 'parenting presets' work and, more importantly, how to change them.
We'll cover:
• What parenting presets are (using a simple thermostat example)
• How to spot your own parenting patterns
• Four simple steps to change your parenting auto-pilot:
- Becoming aware of your current settings
- Understanding where they came from
- Separating yourself from old habits
- Creating new parenting patterns
Perfect for parents who find themselves stuck in reactions they don't want, like yelling or being too controlling. Learn how to reset your parenting thermostat to the temperature you actually want!
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
Ever told someone 'I know, I know' when they try to help you? We all do it - but this simple phrase might be stopping us from becoming better parents.
In this eye-opening episode, we talk about:
• What happens when we think we already know everything
• How to spot when we're stuck in the 'I know' trap
• Why being curious is better than being sure
• Simple ways to try new parenting ideas
• The big difference between knowing something and actually doing it
Using real stories and simple examples, we'll show you how dropping the 'I know everything' attitude can help you become a better parent. Learn how being open to new ideas can make a huge difference in your relationship with your teen.
This episode is perfect for any parent who wants to learn new ways to connect with their teenager. Come join us and discover how being curious (instead of knowing it all) can change everything!"Ever told someone 'I know, I know' when they try to help you? We all do it - but this simple phrase might be stopping us from becoming better parents.
In this eye-opening episode, we talk about:
• What happens when we think we already know everything
• How to spot when we're stuck in the 'I know' trap
• Why being curious is better than being sure
• Simple ways to try new parenting ideas
• The big difference between knowing something and actually doing it
Using real stories and simple examples, we'll show you how dropping the 'I know everything' attitude can help you become a better parent. Learn how being open to new ideas can make a huge difference in your relationship with your teen.
This episode is perfect for any parent who wants to learn new ways to connect with their teenager. Come join us and discover how being curious (instead of knowing it all) can change everything!"
Find the full show notes at https://benpughcoaching.com/229
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
In this eye-opening episode, we dive deep into the pervasive blame culture and its detrimental effects on personal growth and relationships. Through two compelling football stories, we explore how blame, complaining, and making excuses can lead to a disempowering victim mentality.
Key points covered:
- The impact of blame culture on team dynamics and personal performance
- Identifying signs of the victim mentality
- The importance of taking responsibility for one's actions and outcomes
- How to empower others by focusing on what's within their control
- Practical strategies for coaching teens to be responsible and proactive
- The power of leading by example in fostering a culture of responsibility
Join us as we discuss how to stand out against the prevalent blame culture and provide your teens with the tools they need to take responsibility for their lives. Learn how to transform challenging situations into opportunities for growth and empowerment. This episode is a must-listen for parents, coaches, and anyone looking to cultivate a more responsible and proactive mindset in themselves and others.
Full show notes at https://benpughcoaching.com/228
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
"Send Ben a text"
In this eye-opening episode, Ben introduces the game-changing book "Leadership and Self-Deception" and explains why it's his top recommendation for parents struggling with their teens.
Discover:
- Why this book is a must-read for anyone seeking to improve family relationships
- The concept of "being in the box" and how it affects your interactions with your teen
- How self-deception can sabotage your parenting efforts without you realizing it
- Real-life examples of how this book has transformed relationships, including Ben's personal experience
- An alternative book recommendation, "The Anatomy of Peace," for those who prefer a different approach
- The limiting belief that often traps parents and how to break free from it
- An empowering alternative mindset that puts you in control of positive change
Ben shares insights on how shifting your perspective from blaming your teen to focusing on your own growth can lead to dramatic improvements in your relationship. He challenges listeners to embrace the idea that they are the solution to every problem they face with their teen.
If you're ready to break free from unproductive patterns and create a more harmonious relationship with your teenager, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to learn how escaping self-deception can unlock your potential as a parent and transform your family dynamic.
Don't forget to take the Parent Trap Quiz at benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz to identify your parenting obstacles and find quick solutions.
Full show notes at benpughcoaching.com/227
Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?
Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.
It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!
- Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
- Download the debrief
- Start with your own internal debrief.
In this empowering episode, Ben challenges the widespread belief that there's a magical, external solution to parenting struggles. Discover why you already possess the wisdom and strength to be the parent your teen needs.
Learn about:
- The societal conditioning that leads parents to seek external solutions
- Why relying on "experts" can sometimes undermine your parental instincts
- The power of recognizing yourself as the hero in your parenting journey
- Real-life examples of parents tapping into their inner wisdom
- Strategies for trusting your parenting instincts and decision-making
- How to access and utilize your unique "parenting superpowers"
Ben shares a touching anecdote about a mom who thought she was hearing his advice, when in reality, she was accessing her own inner wisdom. He offers insights on how to recognize and trust your innate parenting abilities.
If you're tired of feeling dependent on external advice and ready to embrace your role as the true expert in your teen's life, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to learn how to become the hero of your own parenting story and tap into the superpowers you've had all along.
Full show notes at benpughcoaching.com/226
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.TAKE THE QUIZAlready taken the quiz?
Check out my ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this eye-opening episode, Ben, an experienced parenting coach, challenges the common parental instinct to shield teens from failure. Discover why allowing your teen to experience setbacks is crucial for their personal growth and future success.
Learn about:
- The societal pressures driving parents to protect teens from failure
- Why failure is a vital component in developing resilience and life skills
- The unintended consequences of constantly "fixing" things for your teen
- Real-life examples of how overprotection can backfire, including a local sexting scandal
- Strategies for empowering your teen to face and learn from their mistakes
- The concept of an "un-ruinable life" and how it can transform your teen's perspective
Ben shares insights on how to shift from being a "fixer" to becoming a supportive guide for your teen. He offers practical advice on how to respond to your teen's failures in ways that build confidence and resilience.
If you're tired of constantly intervening in your teen's challenges and ready to help them develop true independence and resilience, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to learn how embracing failure can be the key to your teen's long-term success and emotional well-being.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.TAKE THE QUIZAlready taken the quiz?
Check out my ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you struggling to connect with your teenager? In this insightful episode, Ben, an experienced parenting coach, tackles the widespread issue of parent-teen disconnection and offers a transformative approach to rebuilding your relationship.
Discover why the disconnect between parents and teens is so common and learn about:
- The societal and cultural factors contributing to parent-teen disconnection
- Why focusing on conflicting values widens the gap between you and your teen
- The power of identifying shared values to strengthen your relationship
- A step-by-step process for building Values-Based Relationships
- Real-life examples of how this approach has transformed parent-teen dynamics
Ben shares a touching personal anecdote about his toddler son connecting over football, illustrating how children naturally seek connection through shared interests. He then explains how to apply this principle to your relationship with your teen.
If you're tired of feeling like you and your teen are speaking different languages and you're ready to foster a deep, loving connection, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to learn how to bridge the gap and create a relationship where both you and your teen feel understood and valued.
Full show notes at https://benpughcoaching.com/224
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.TAKE THE QUIZAlready taken the quiz?
Check out my ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you caught in the trap of blaming your teen for your parenting struggles? In this eye-opening episode, Ben, an experienced parenting coach, challenges the common myth that your teen's behavior is responsible for how you parent.
Discover why this belief is not only disempowering but also prevents you from becoming the parent you aspire to be. In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why blaming your teen for your parenting issues is a dead-end strategy
- How to shift from reactive parenting to intentional parenting
- The power of taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions
- Practical strategies to maintain composure during challenging situations with your teen
- How to improve your relationship with your teen by focusing on what you can control
Ben shares relatable examples, including a recent incident from a parenting group that highlights this common misconception. He offers insights on how to break free from the cycle of blame and guilt, and instead embrace a more empowering approach to parenting.
If you're tired of feeling like a victim in your parenting journey and ready to take control of your relationship with your teen, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to learn how to become the parent of your dreams, regardless of your teen's choices. It's time to stop blaming and start BEing the parent you want to be!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.TAKE THE QUIZAlready taken the quiz?
Check out my ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you frustrated by parenting advice that promises to make your teen obey or trust you? In this eye-opening episode, Ben, a former foster parent and experienced coach, challenges the myth of teen control and offers a transformative perspective on parenting.
Discover why trying to control your teen is counterproductive and learn about:
- The T-Chart of Control: A simple tool to identify what's within your influence
- The Consequence Quadrant: A powerful framework for discussing outcomes with your teen
- Real-life examples of parents shifting from control to empowerment
- Practical strategies to let go of control without losing your parental role
Ben shares candid stories from his experience, including a memorable conversation with an anesthesiologist dad about the absurdity of total teen control. He offers insights on how small mindset shifts can dramatically improve your relationship with your teen.
If you're tired of power struggles and ready for a more harmonious approach to parenting, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to learn how to empower both yourself and your teen, becoming the supportive parent you aspire to be.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you a parent struggling to set effective boundaries with your teenager? In this eye-opening podcast, Ben, a former high school principal and experienced parent coach, reveals how you can transform your approach to boundaries and consequences, leading to a more harmonious relationship with your teen.
Ben introduces a powerful tool called The Consequence Quadrant, which challenges the common misconception that consequences are all about punishment. He explains how parents often fall into the trap of relying too heavily on negative, enforced consequences, and shares a more balanced and empowering approach.
In this podcast, you'll discover:
- The four types of consequences and how they impact your teen's behavior
- Why focusing solely on negative, enforced consequences can be counterproductive
- How to shift your focus to positive and natural consequences for better results
- Practical strategies for implementing The Consequence Quadrant in your parenting
- Ways to empower your teen to make better choices independently
Ben emphasizes that while you can't control your teen's actions, you can create an environment that encourages responsible decision-making. He shares relatable examples from his own experiences as a parent and from working with numerous families, offering insights into how small shifts in your approach can lead to significant improvements in your relationship with your teen.
Throughout the episodes, Ben provides actionable advice on how to have productive conversations about boundaries and consequences with your teenager. He encourages parents to involve their teens in the process, fostering mutual understanding and respect.
If you're a parent who feels overwhelmed by constant arguments, disrespect, or confusion about enforcing rules, this podcast will provide you with a fresh perspective and practical tools to improve your family dynamics. Tune in now and learn how to build better boundaries with better consequences, becoming the confident and effective parent you aspire to be.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you feeling like you're on the "struggle bus" with your teenager? You're not alone. In this eye-opening episode, we dive deep into the single most significant factor causing friction between parents and teens worldwide.
Drawing from my experience coaching parents across five continents, I reveal why traditional parenting advice often misses the mark. You'll discover:
- Why focusing on changing your teen's behavior rarely works
- The surprising truth about screen time and video games
- How to shift your perspective from controlling your teen to empowering yourself
- The power of defining your parenting identity (and why it's not as simple as you might think)
We'll explore real-life examples, including a personal anecdote about milk cows and teenage responsibility. Plus, I'll introduce you to a game-changing concept that can transform your relationship with your teen almost overnight.
Whether you're a seasoned parent or new to the teenage years, this episode offers fresh insights and practical strategies. You'll walk away with a clear understanding of how to stop struggling and start connecting with your teen.
Don't miss the exciting announcement about our upcoming free parenting class! Tune in to learn how you can choose your own parenting adventure and take the first step towards becoming the parent of your dreams.
Remember, it's never too late to improve your relationship with your teen. Let's start this journey together!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
As the school year kicks off, are you and your teen feeling overwhelmed? In this episode, we're uncovering 7 little-known secrets that can transform your back-to-school experience. Drawing from years of experience as a parent, foster parent, and former high school principal, I'm sharing insights that have helped countless teens and families navigate the challenges of academic life.
We'll explore why school failure doesn't equal life failure, how to prioritize your relationship with your teen, and why it's crucial to be aware of pro-school bias. You'll learn about the irreplaceable role of parents in education, how to inject fun into learning, and the ethical use of AI in schoolwork. Plus, we'll discuss the importance of seeking help early and consistently.
As a bonus, we'll reveal the ultimate secret to having great friends at school - it might surprise you!
Whether you're a parent looking to support your teen or a student aiming for a successful year, this episode is packed with practical advice and fresh perspectives. Tune in to discover how these secrets can help you and your teen not just survive, but thrive this school year.
Remember, you don't have to implement every secret - even one can make a significant difference. Let's make this the best school year yet!
Full show notes at https://benpughcoaching.com/219
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this powerful episode rewind, we dive into ten game-changing daily habits that can revolutionize your parenting approach and strengthen your bond with your teenager. These practical, actionable strategies will help you navigate the challenges of raising teens with confidence and purpose.
We'll explore:
- Setting daily intentions to guide your parenting
- Committing to genuine connection with your teen
- Embracing present-moment awareness in your interactions
- Managing your mindset for better parenting outcomes
- Cultivating trust in yourself, your teen, and the parenting process
- Letting go of what you can't control to focus on what you can
- The importance of consistent practice in personal growth
- Embracing mistakes as learning opportunities
- Being the change you want to see in your teen
- Leveraging your unique strengths as a parent
Whether you're struggling with communication, seeking to build a stronger relationship, or simply want to enhance your parenting skills, this episode offers practical wisdom and actionable advice. Learn how to set powerful intentions, stay present, manage your mind, and model the behavior you want to see in your teen.
Join us to discover how these ten daily habits can transform your parenting journey and create a more harmonious, connected relationship with your teenager."In this powerful episode, we dive into ten game-changing daily habits that can revolutionize your parenting approach and strengthen your bond with your teenager. These practical, actionable strategies will help you navigate the challenges of raising teens with confidence and purpose.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this eye-opening episode, we challenge the common parenting instinct to fix, change, or control our teens. Instead, we explore a transformative approach that puts the power of change right where it belongs - with you.
We'll dive into:
• Why trying to fix others, especially your teen, backfires
• The cultural trap of attempting to control others
• How shifting your attention to self-improvement can transform your family dynamics
• The profound impact of 'being the change you want to see'
• Real-life examples of how personal growth catalyzes change in others
Learn why parenting from the 'inside-out' is more effective than traditional 'outside-in' approaches. Discover how letting go of control paradoxically gives you more influence and improves your relationship with your teen.
Whether you're struggling with a rebellious teenager or simply want to enhance your parenting skills, this episode offers practical, powerful strategies for personal growth that ripple out to positively impact your entire family.
Join us to unlock the secret of truly effective parenting - it starts with you!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this thought-provoking episode, we challenge common misconceptions about trauma and empower you to take control of your healing journey. Discover why there's no need for 'trauma police' and how understanding trauma as programming can be a game-changer.
We'll explore:
• The personal nature of trauma and why comparisons are futile
• Two crucial aspects of trauma that are often overlooked
• How generational trauma manifests in everyday life
• The empowering perspective of viewing trauma as programming
• Why YOU are the key to healing your own trauma
Learn why shifting blame doesn't lead to healing and how taking responsibility for your trauma recovery can transform your life and future generations. We'll discuss real-life examples of generational trauma and provide insights on breaking these cycles.
Whether you're dealing with personal trauma or supporting a loved one, this episode offers a fresh, empowering perspective on trauma healing. Join us to unlock your potential for growth and discover how you can be the change that breaks the chain of generational trauma."
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
This week, we're turning back the clock to bring you one of our most beloved episodes. Get ready to revisit a fan favorite that had everyone talking!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Join us as we dive deep into the often misunderstood world of attachment disorders. In this eye-opening episode, we'll separate fact from fiction and explore the real impact of attachment issues on both teens and parents.
Discover why healing your own wounds is crucial before attempting to address your teen's challenges. Learn practical strategies to navigate the complex emotions that come with parenting a child with attachment difficulties, including:
- Giving your teen the benefit of the doubt
- Finding self-love and appreciation
- Reprocessing past hurts
- Letting go of expectations
Whether you're dealing with attachment disorder or simply want to strengthen your bond with your teen, this episode offers valuable insights and actionable advice. Tune in to gain a fresh perspective on creating healthier, more connected relationships with your teenagers.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you a parent who feels like you're constantly overcomplicating things when it comes to raising your teenager? In this insightful podcast episode, Ben, a parenting expert and coach, shares his perspective on how to simplify your approach by focusing on three key areas: mindset, skillset, and habits.
Ben explains that parents often fall into the trap of creating elaborate rewards and punishments to control their teen's behavior, much like how workplaces implement unnecessary rules. However, he suggests that there's a better way to support your teen's growth and development.
In this episode, you'll discover:
- The three simple problems that parents and teens face: mindset, skillset, and habits
- How mindset problems can be tied to your thoughts and how to reprogram your mindset
- The importance of balancing mindset with skillset and habits
- How to identify and address skillset problems in both parents and teens
- The role of habits in shaping behavior and how to build new, positive habits
Ben emphasizes that while you can't change your teen, you can lead by example and model the habits and behaviors you want to see. He also stresses the importance of gaining awareness of the problems you and your teen are facing and identifying whether they're related to mindset, skillset, or habits.
Throughout the episode, Ben shares relatable examples and practical advice to help you simplify your parenting approach. He encourages parents to let go of the need for control and instead focus on supporting their teen's growth and development.
If you're a parent who feels overwhelmed by the complexities of raising a teenager, this podcast episode will provide you with a fresh perspective and actionable strategies to simplify your parenting journey. Tune in now and discover how addressing mindset, skillset, and habits can help you become the parent of your dreams.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you finding yourself at your wit's end with your teenage child? Do their actions and behaviors push you to the brink of frustration and disappointment? If you've ever thought, "I can't stand my teen," then this podcast episode is for you.
In this raw and honest conversation, Ben, a parent and expert in emotional intelligence, shares his personal experiences and insights on navigating the challenging emotions that come with parenting a teenager. He offers a fresh perspective on taking responsibility for your own feelings and provides practical steps to develop emotional intelligence in the face of frustration.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why frustration is a natural part of parenting and how to embrace it as an opportunity for personal growth
- The importance of taking responsibility for your own emotions and not blaming your teen for how you feel
- How to identify and understand your feelings using emotional intelligence techniques
- The dangers of being emotionally attached to specific outcomes and how it hinders your ability to be the parent you want to be
- Strategies for setting better boundaries with your teen and fostering a stronger connection
Ben delivers a powerful message with love and care, reminding parents that they have the tools to handle their frustrations and become the best version of themselves. If you're struggling to maintain patience and understanding with your teen, this episode will provide you with the insight and motivation to approach your relationship with a new mindset.
Don't miss this opportunity to gain a fresh perspective on parenting your teenager and learn valuable techniques to improve your emotional well-being. Tune in now and discover how to transform your frustration into an opportunity for growth and connection.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you ready to make this summer the most unforgettable one yet for you and your teen? In this exciting episode, join Ben as he shares his top tips and strategies for creating a summer filled with laughter, adventure, and bonding experiences that will leave a lasting impact on your teen's life.
Discover the power of a fun summer and how it can help your teen build confidence, define their identity, and forge meaningful relationships. From empowering your teen to take charge of their own adventures to stepping out of your comfort zone together, this episode is packed with practical advice and inspiring ideas to make this summer one for the books.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why a fun summer is more than just a good time – it's an opportunity for growth and development
- How to empower your teen to plan their own adventures and take responsibility for their fun
- The importance of getting out of your comfort zone and exploring new experiences together
- How to make "Mandatory Family Fun" a regular part of your summer routine (and why it's worth it!)
- Creative ideas for activities and adventures that will bring your family closer together
Whether you're a fun-loving parent looking for new ways to connect with your teen or someone who wants to break out of a rut and make this summer unforgettable, this episode has something for you. So grab your sunscreen, pack your sense of adventure and to make this summer the best one yet!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you unintentionally modeling behaviors that may be holding your teen back? In this eye-opening episode of the podcast, Ben Pugh reveals the secret most parents miss when it comes to influencing their teenagers: your teen may not be listening to you, but they are watching you!
Discover the five crucial areas where your actions speak louder than words, and learn how to become a positive role model for your teen. From handling stress and managing emotions to treating yourself and others with respect, your behavior sets the standard for your teen to follow.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why lecturing, yelling, and pleading with your teen may be less effective than you think
- How your own stress management skills impact your teen's ability to cope with pressure
- The importance of demonstrating emotional intelligence and self-esteem
- How your values manifest in your results and influence your teen's priorities
- The power of adopting a hero mindset and seeing opportunities in obstacles
By the end of this episode, you'll have a newfound awareness of the behaviors you're modeling for your teen and the tools to make positive changes. Tune in now and discover how to BE the change you want to see in your teen!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
🙋♀️ Ready for the second part of our game-changing series on what impactful parents of teens do differently? In this episode, we're diving into three more powerful strategies that will transform your parenting journey! 🌟
First up, these parents know how to focus on what they CAN control, instead of stressing about what they CAN'T. 🎯 They use a simple but effective tool to shift their energy and attention to where it matters most. Want to know what it is? Tune in to find out! 😉
Next, we'll reveal the secret weapon that these parents use to create lasting change in their own behavior and their teen's. 🔐 Here's a hint: it involves a lot of practice, but not the kind you might expect! 😄
Finally, we'll explore the most powerful thing you can do to impact your teen's life - and it's not what you think! 😮 These parents know that actions speak louder than words, and they use this knowledge to their advantage. 🎬
But wait, there's more! We've got a special bonus for you that ties it all together and will help you become the parent of your dreams. 🌈 Don't miss out on this incredible opportunity to transform your parenting and your relationship with your teen. 💕
Ready to take your parenting to the next level? 🚀 Tune in now and discover the unique strategies that set these impactful parents apart! 🎧😊
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you ready to elevate your parenting game? 🚀 Well, buckle up, because we've got a two-part series that's going to introduce you to a whole new way of thinking about parenting! In this episode, we'll unveil four of the seven things that parents who make a real impact do differently. From finding joy in unexpected places to prioritizing something that might surprise you, these parents have cracked the code to creating a strong bond with their kids. 🔐 And wait until you hear about the fourth thing - it's a total game-changer! 🎮 Feeling intrigued? Come back next week to learn the last three insights and get a cool bonus that will help you put these ideas into action! 🎉
Full show notes here: https://benpughcoaching.com/208
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Ready to boost your teen’s health without losing your mind? Tune in for a fun, quick guide to improving mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Discover why a simple walk, gym time, or even a pillow fight can make a difference. Learn the secrets to better sleep, whether it’s sleeping in or taking a nap.
Find out why eating protein, fats, and staying hydrated are crucial. Understand the importance of high-fives and hugs, and how showers and bubble baths can bring mental clarity.
Boost your emotional intelligence by understanding your feelings and turn your thoughts into actions with effective mind management. Be the change you want to see—hit play now and become the ultimate health sidekick!
full show notes at: https://benpughcoaching.com/207
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this episode, we 're talking about a powerful, yet simple, habit that can transform your relationship with your teen in just 5 minutes a day.
Discover how practicing gratitude reflection can shift your focus from conflicts and challenges to appreciation and positivity. By taking a few moments each day to acknowledge three things you're grateful for about your teen, you'll foster a more positive mindset, reduce stress, and build a stronger emotional connection.
This habit not only enhances your relationship with your teen but also empowers you to become the parent you've always wanted to be. Tune in to learn how this unexpected practice can lead to less correction and more connection in your daily interactions.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Join me and guest coach, Lindsay Law as we explore the journey of self-love and acceptance in teenagers.
In this insightful episode, we delve into the crucial role of parental support, the distinction between belonging and fitting in, and the empowerment of teens to embrace their authentic selves.
Discover practical insights and valuable tips to foster a positive environment for teen self-discovery and growth. Tune in to unlock the keys to nurturing confident and resilient teens.
benpughcoaching.com/205
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
When it comes to discovering your teen viewing pornography, approach the situation with humor and confidence rather than panic.
Focus on open dialogue and empowerment rather than fear. Encourage your teen to separate pornography from solo sexual activity, potentially breaking the habit.
Above all, provide support without coercion, respecting your teen's autonomy and readiness for help, while setting boundaries and offering resources in a supportive manner.
Full show notes: https://benpughcoaching.com/204
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this podcast, we're tackling the difference between rights and privileges. It's a biggie, especially since many teens (and adults!) are a bit fuzzy on the distinction.
I'll share insights from my own family life, like how dinner together is non-negotiable (yep, no skipping meals!), but dessert? That's a privilege. And let's talk about earning privileges—like staying out late with friends, which my teens have to work for by being responsible.
But sometimes, rights can turn into privileges, like when we had a foster child needing extra support.
The key? Open, empowering conversations with your teen. Ask them their thoughts on rights versus privileges and let them help set boundaries.
So get ready to dive into this important—and dare I say, fun?—topic with your teen. It's not just necessary, it's downright awesome!
Full show notes at benpughcoaching.com/203
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Are you tired of the endless battle with your teen over boundaries that seem to go nowhere? Well, guess what? There's a light at the end of the boundary tunnel, and it's not a freight train of frustration!
If you've been struggling to set boundaries effectively or if your teen seems to have a PhD in boundary-breaking, fear not! I've got just the remedy for you. Join me for an awesome FREE workshop where we'll dive into the art of boundary-setting like never before.
No more futile attempts at control—let's empower both you and your teen to create boundaries that actually work.
From practicing in conversation to tying boundaries to positive consequences, we've got all the tricks up our sleeves.
So, are you ready to bid farewell to boundary battles and hello to harmony? Step right up, register for the workshop, clear your schedule, and let's kiss those boundary blues goodbye once and for all!
Full show notes at: https://benpughcoaching.com/202
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Today's episode is all about boundaries with your teens. It can be tough, right? But here's the thing: you're not alone in this struggle.
I've been hearing from a lot of parents who are feeling overwhelmed by the constant battle of setting boundaries with their teens. And honestly, I get it. It's hard to strike that balance between authority and understanding.
But here's the good news: there's a better way to approach boundaries with our teens. It's not about control; it's about collaboration.
Join me for some real talk about why boundaries matter, why they're so challenging, and most importantly, how we can navigate them in a way that strengthens our relationships with our teens.
So, if you're ready to ditch the power struggles and build a stronger connection with your teen, stick around. I've got some tips and insights to share that just might change the game for you.
Full show notes: https://benpughcoaching.com/201
Sign up for a FREE Boundaries Workshop Click the link below:
https://benpughcoaching.com/betterboundaries
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this episode, we're diving deep into setting boundaries with your teen. We're all about making sure these boundaries aren't about control, but instead, they're all about empowering both you and your teen.
Here's what we're gonna cover:
- No Control Games: We're not here to control our teens. We're here to guide them. Let's understand that our teens are on their own journey, and that's totally okay.
- Guidelines, Not Dictates: Boundaries? They're more like guidelines, not hard and fast rules. It's not about saying, "You can't do this." It's more like, "If this happens, here's how I'll respond."
- Power Talks: Let's chat with our teens. Not the usual "I'm-the-boss" talk, but real, empowering conversations. We'll listen to their thoughts and ideas while still being the parent in charge.
- Lead by Example: Setting boundaries isn't just for them; it's for us too. We're showing our teens how to stand up for themselves and what they believe in, even when it's tough.
- Your Rules, Your Way: Don't just follow the crowd. Let's set boundaries that feel right for us and our teens. It's all about being authentic and true to ourselves.
So, join me in this episode as we navigate the world of boundaries with our teens, making sure they're a source of empowerment and growth for both of us!
Full show notes at: https://benpughcoachinig.com/200
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Join us in this episode as we dive into the complexities of the victim mentality and how it affects not only us but also our teens. Host Ben Pugh unpacks the intricacies of this common human condition and provides valuable insights into understanding and transcending it.
Learn why the victim mentality is a natural part of the human experience and how societal influences can exacerbate it. Discover the telltale signs of being stuck in the victim mentality, and gain practical tips on how to transition to the empowering hero mentality.
Through candid anecdotes and practical advice, Ben explains why trying to rescue our teens from the victim mentality might not be the best approach and why focusing on our own mindset is key. Explore the transformative power of the hero mentality and how you can cultivate it in your own life and model it for your teen.
Join us on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment as we navigate the shifting landscapes of mindset and parenting.
Get the full show notes at: https://benpughcoaching.com/199
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Here are some key takeaways from todays episode.
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Admitting Ignorance is Powerful: Acknowledging when we don't have all the answers opens the door to learning and growth in parenting.
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Unlearn Old Beliefs: Let go of outdated parenting beliefs that no longer serve us or our families. Questioning what's not working is the first step towards positive change.
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Explore New Options: Parenting isn't one-size-fits-all. By exploring new approaches and solutions, we can find what works best for our unique family dynamics and embrace it.
Check out the full show notes: https://benpughcoaching.com/198
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Hey everyone! Today we're diving into how we can build better relationships with our teenagers. I'm thrilled to be here to share some insights I've gathered about connecting with teens. You know, it might surprise you, but even though teens sometimes act like they're not interested, they really do want to connect with us parents!
So, I've got five killer tips to help us moms and dads get closer to our teens. First up, let's make spending time together a blast! Whether it's playing games or going on adventures, having fun together can really strengthen our bond.
Next, let's talk about something I like to call "values." It's all about finding common interests and doing things together that both you and your teen care about. For instance, if you're into sports, why not cheer for your favorite team together?
Now, here's a biggie: let's not take things too personally. Yeah, teens can sometimes say or do stuff that hurts our feelings, but it's not about us—it's just them figuring things out.
Another thing, let's be real with our teens. Pretending to be someone we're not won't help us connect with them. And finally, let's try stepping out of our comfort zones together! Trying new things can create awesome memories and bring us closer.
So, if you're ready to level up your parenting game and create an amazing relationship with your teen, check out these tips and join the fun at IMPACT Live! See you there!
See the full show notes here: https://benpughcoaching.com/197
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In today's podcast, we're talking about screen time for teens and what we're getting right.
Teens really value their screens—they're not just for fun but also for connecting with friends and learning. And while it's important to be cautious about screen time, we don't need to ban it completely. Setting boundaries together with your teen is key, and what works for one family might not work for another.
Instead of fighting against screens, why not find ways to make them work for your teen? And let's set a good example by showing them how to have a healthy relationship with technology.
So, maybe we're not totally clueless when it comes to screen time after all. Let's stay open to new ideas and be willing to adapt as technology keeps changing!
Here are the five biggest takeaways:
- Teens value their screens for more than just entertainment—they're essential for connection and learning.
- It's important to be cautious about screen time but not to ban it entirely. Setting boundaries together is key.
- Every family's approach to screen time will be different, so find what works best for you and your teen.
- Instead of fighting screens, find ways to make them beneficial, like using them for learning or skill development.
- Lead by example and show your teen how to have a healthy relationship with technology.
For full show notes go to: https://benpughcoaching.com/196
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Hey there! Today, we're diving headfirst into the myths surrounding teen screen time. From the belief that all screen time is inherently bad to the fear-driven data shaping our perceptions, we're unpacking it all.
Join us as we challenge the status quo and explore how to navigate the digital landscape with a fresh perspective.
Get ready to reframe your thinking about screens and teens!"
Full show notes: https://benpughcoaching.com/192
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this episode, I'm diving deep into the idea that those imperfect parenting moments we all have aren't actually roadblocks – they're chances for us to strengthen our bond with our teens. I'll share some personal stories and lessons that have really hit home for me, showing just how powerful vulnerability and owning up to our mistakes can be in building trust with our kids.
We'll talk about practical ways to make things right after a slip-up, like waiting for the right moment to apologize and being open about our struggles. Plus, I'll emphasize why it's never too late to improve your relationship with your teen – seriously, don't count yourself out!
And there's this cool concept I want to introduce you to called the "Wheel of Life." It's all about practicing positive parenting habits during the good times so you're better equipped to handle the tough stuff when it comes around. Trust me, it's a game-changer.
So if you're ready to turn those "oops" moments into opportunities for connection and growth with your teen, then this episode is definitely for you. Let's dive in and start building those stronger relationships today!
Full show notes: https://benpughcoaching.com/194
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this episode, parenting expert Ben shares invaluable insights on empowering teens in today's challenging world. Drawing from his experience as a foster parent, high school principal, and parenting life coach, Ben outlines six simple yet powerful steps to help parents foster independence, resilience, and confidence in their teens.
From finding mentors to engaging in empowering conversations, Ben emphasizes the importance of trusting teens and allowing them to take ownership of their actions and decisions. By challenging conventional parenting norms and encouraging open dialogue, parents can build stronger relationships with their teens while equipping them with essential life skills.
Tune in to discover practical strategies for empowering your teen and fostering a supportive environment where they can thrive. It's time to embrace a new approach to parenting and empower the next generation for success.
For full show notes go to: https://benpughcoaching.com/193
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
5 Key Takeaways from my conversation Ashley
- Supporting Teen Interests: As parents, we should really get behind our teens' passions, even if they don't fit the typical school mold. It's about encouraging what they love and finding ways to make learning meaningful for them.
- Valuable Skills Outside School: Look at what happened with Ashley's son! He found success flipping dirt bikes, cars, and other stuff. It just shows that there are different paths to building skills and confidence beyond what's taught in classrooms.
- Focus on Personal Growth: I've learned that it's crucial for us parents to focus on our own growth too, especially when our teens aren't vibing with school. It's okay to seek support and figure out how to navigate these challenges together.
- Shift in Perspective: Ashley's story really hits home. When she changed her outlook, her relationship with her son improved big time. It's all about showing respect and support, even when their choices might not be what we expected.
- Embracing Different Paths: We need to realize that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to success. As parents, we should be open to embracing the unique paths our teens take, even if it's different from what we imagined.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
I'm super excited about to continue talking about How to help your teen when they hate school.
We'll discuss how to shift from the blame game to empowerment, have meaningful conversations, and explore alternatives to traditional education.
Trust me, you don't want to miss the insights and practical tips I've got lined up for you. Tune in and let's empower our teens together!"
Get the full show notes at https://benpughcoaching.com/191
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Join me on a journey of redefining success for teens in today's world.
In this podcast, we debunk myths about school, explore alternative paths beyond college, and empower teens to thrive.
Let's challenge the status quo, break free from blame, and create an educational experience that truly prepares our teens for a successful future.
It's time to revolutionize education and support our teens on a path to empowerment and fulfillment!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
🎙️ Ready to break free from outdated parenting patterns? If your relationship with your teen feels like a struggle, it might be time to reprogram your parenting mindset.
🚀 Key Steps to Parenting Transformation:
1️⃣ Don't Be Ashamed: Learn why there's no need to feel ashamed about your old parenting programming. Discover how gratitude and acceptance can pave the way for positive change.
2️⃣ Awareness: Dive into the power of awareness in reshaping your parenting approach. Explore practical questions to uncover the origins of your old programming and gain valuable insights.
3️⃣ Acceptance: Embrace your past as a necessary step in your parenting journey. Understand the significance of accepting your experiences and using them as building blocks for growth.
4️⃣ Intention: Uncover the importance of intentional thinking in rewriting your parenting script. Ben shares personal examples and insights to guide you through this transformative process.
5️⃣ Practice Proving Your New Mentality: Discover actionable tips on how to practice and reinforce your new parenting mindset. Learn to catch yourself in old programming and find evidence supporting your intentional changes.
Don't let outdated parenting programming hold you back. Tune in now and embark on a journey of self-discovery and positive transformation. 🌟
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
🚀 Ready to make 2024 the year you actually achieve your parenting goals? Join Ben in this high-energy episode, as he reveals the secrets to becoming part of the 10% who make their New Year's goals a reality.
🎙️ Episode Insights:
1️⃣ Focus on Habits, Not Just Goals: Dive into the unconventional wisdom of prioritizing habits over big future goals. Learn how identifying and cultivating daily habits can transform your parenting journey.
2️⃣ Keep it Simple and Powerful: Discover the magic of simplicity in building powerful habits. [Podcast Host] shares practical tips on crafting habits that are easy to stick to and yield impactful results.
3️⃣ Accountability Partnerships: Explore the power of having an accountability partner and how it can significantly boost your chances of success. From fellow parents to mentors, find out who can be the perfect ally on your journey.
4️⃣ Embrace Discomfort for Growth: Get ready to step out of your comfort zone. Learn why embracing discomfort is a crucial element in creating new habits and achieving your parenting goals.
5️⃣ Make it Fun and Rewarding: Uncover the importance of infusing fun into your habits. From turning exercise into a party to making your habits rewarding, [Podcast Host] shares how enjoyment can drive success.
Ready to turn your parenting dreams into reality? Tune in now and make 2024 the year you go all in on your goals! 🎉
For full shownotes go to: https://benpughcoaching.com/188
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
🎙️ Unlock a Better Connection with Your Teen in 2024! 🌟 Join Ben in our latest episode.
Dive into quick, impactful mindset shifts to supercharge your parenting journey. Discover why seeing your teen as amazing and capable, finding joy in parenting, and becoming the change can make 2024 the best year yet.
Tune in now for a dose of inspiration and practical tips! 🚀
CLICK HERE for the full show notes
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this episode, I share three powerful secrets to help parents deal with the common concern of teenagers who seem to hate or want nothing to do with them.
By focusing on ourselves, letting go of control, and being the parent of our dreams, we can improve our relationship with our teenager.
I also provide two bonus secrets, understanding our teenager's values and not taking their behavior personally.
For the full show notes go here: https://benpughcoaching.com/186
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this podcast episode, we dive into the importance of building a strong connection with your teenager, even if they're not meeting your expectations.
We chat about how teenagers actually want their parents to connect with them, and how letting go of expectations and attachments to desired outcomes can actually help you connect better with your teen.
We also discuss the power of setting boundaries for yourself instead of trying to control your teen's behavior, expressing gratitude for your teen, empowering them, and focusing on shared values.
So, if you're looking to strengthen that bond with your teenager, this episode is definitely for you!
For the full show notes go to: https://benpughcoaching.com/185
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Today we're discussing the importance of building holiday traditions with your teenagers.
Traditions convey values, create connection, and bring joy.
To create holiday traditions with teens you need to make it fun, keep it simple, and let the teen lead. Also, make the tradition meaningful and considering traditions from different families.
Set your intention to create a holiday tradition with your teens for healing and growth.
Find the full show notes at https://benpughcoaching.com/184
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this episode of the Impact Parenting with Perspective podcast, I interview guest Jesse LeBeau, a youth speaker who shares his experiences and delivers messages about being an underdog, overcoming obstacles, and improving attitude and life.
Jesse's passion for basketball led him to pursue a career in commercials, movies, and TV shows, but he realized that his purpose was to engage and inspire young people. He now speaks to middle school and high school students, using basketball tricks and stories to deliver powerful messages about overcoming obstacles and improving attitude.
Jesse emphasizes the importance of finding one's passion, being willing to explore different avenues related to that passion, and the role of parents in modeling positive attitudes and behaviors for their teens. He encourages parents to focus on their own personal growth and passion, as this will have a positive impact on their teens.
Check out his website, TheAttitudeAdvantage.com/podcast, where listeners can find more information about his programs for schools and parents of teens.
For the full show notes go to https://benpughcoaching.com/183
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Ever feel like you're lost in the maze of parenting? Well, guess what? It might be because you're not exactly sure where you want to go or who you want to be as a parent. Yep, that could be the key to your unhappiness too. The author of this text offers a free audio course, Parenting from the Inside Out, where they dive into the first big thing – your identity. If you're not clear on who you want to be, it's like trying to navigate without a map.
One of the keys to being lost as a parent is dwelling on what you don't want. Apparently, it's a buzzkill for both teens and parents. Instead of obsessing over the no-nos, the advice is to figure out what you actually want.
Stop fixating on things you can't control. Want to be the coolest parent your teen wants to chat with? Well, that might not be entirely in your hands.
You focus on what you can control, like showering your teen with love and respect no matter what.
And here's a big one – live in alignment with your true desires by experimenting. Yep, parenting comes with those "what the heck do I do now" moments.
Take some blind action, see what works, and adjust course as needed. It's all about learning from the messy, sometimes icky moments to figure out the parent you want to be.
Every tough moment is a golden chance to practice Being the Parent of your Dreams!
If you haven't taken advantage of the BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL where you get Impact membership for a whole year, you get 2 months FREE, AND you get 12 FREE Coaching Sessions all for the small investment of $970.
Give the gift of a great relationship this year! Get it now before they're all gone. I'm only offering this to a small number of people.
CLICK HERE FOR THE BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
- Everything is Energy: The core message is that everything, including ourselves, our emotions, and the world around us, is made up of energy. Understanding this fundamental concept sets the stage for managing our overall well-being.
- Emotional Intelligence Matters: Developing emotional intelligence is crucial. It involves identifying and comprehending our emotions, knowing how they feel, where we feel them, and connecting the dots between our feelings and thoughts. This understanding is a roadmap to better manage our energy.
- Law of Attraction is Always On: The Law of Attraction isn't a switch; it's a constant force. Our emotions and energy determine what we attract into our lives. If we emit stress and anxiety, we'll likely draw in more of the same. Being mindful of our emotional state is key to shaping our experiences.
- Mind Management is Energy Management: Our minds, not just our brains, play a pivotal role in managing our energy. We have the power to choose our thoughts, intentionally shifting our attention from thoughts that bring undesirable emotions to those that evoke positive feelings. This is how we take charge of our energy.
- Gratitude as a Superpower: Gratitude is highlighted as a super-emotion and a quick route to raising our vibration. Practicing gratitude can swiftly shift our emotional state from stress and anxiety to feelings of gratitude, peace, and happiness. It's presented as a powerful tool for effective emotional management.
*If you join the Impact Basic Membership for one year, I’m going to throw in 1 coaching session each month. (That’s 12 sessions for FREE!)***
GET THE BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL NOW!
Imagine having a life coach in your back pocket for a whole year to help you tackle whatever your teen throws at you. Imagine how good at parenting you'd become--You'd be like a ninja-parenting-blackbelt. If you had someone to help you work through tough parenting moments, someone to help you feel happier and more confident, someone to keep you on track and accountable, what would be possible for you and your family?
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this podcast, I discuss exploring spirituality with an open mind, and acknowledging that traditional religious views may clash with non-traditional perspectives.
I differentiate between spirituality and religion, emphasizing a personal exploration without claiming expertise.
I challenge the notion that worthiness determines spirituality, sharing personal experiences to advocate for a focus on personal alignment and integrity.
We delve into the concept of co-creation, where everything is spiritually created before manifesting physically.
I discuss the power of thoughts and emotions in shaping our reality, stressing the importance of aligning inner desires with external actions. I suggest a shift from external religious focus to internal connection with divinity, asserting that the most direct link to God is within ourselves.
Discipline plays a crucial role in spiritual growth, aligning actions with our desired identity.
I highlight the creator mentality, emphasizing that individuals shape their reality through their thoughts and feelings.
Take responsibility for our reality and realize that spirituality is a personal learning journey, not something you can be taught but something that you can only learn through YOU.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Join us for an insightful discussion on building trust with your teen through consistent respect and boundary-setting.
Discover how modeling respectful behavior and fostering problem-solving skills can positively impact their growth.
Learn effective strategies for maintaining composure during challenges and the significance of self-reflection in creating a healthy family dynamic.
Tune in to strengthen your parent-teen relationship today!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Hey there! Ever had a moment that completely changed your perspective?
In this podcast, I'll share the story of how a simple sign flipped my world upside down.
From feeling stuck in the victim mindset to discovering three game-changing mentalities, this journey will make you rethink how you see the world.
Join me as I unveil the Victim Mentality, the Hero Mentality, and the Creator Mentality - mindsets that can transform your life, your relationships, and the way you parent your teens.
Get ready to shift your thinking and take control of your reality. You won't want to miss this empowering episode!
For full show notes visit: https://benpughcoaching.com/178
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this podcast episode, Ben and Cynthia discuss the YouMap assessment, which helps identify teenagers' strengths, values, preferred skills, burnout skills, and interests. They emphasize the importance of understanding oneself and using this knowledge to make informed decisions.
Things we discuss:
- Importance of self-awareness and understanding one's strengths and values.
- How the Umap assessment helps identify teenagers' strengths and interests.
- The significance of using the assessment results for scholarship and college applications.
- Exploring the application of the assessment in improving relationships between parents and teens.
- The potential benefits of taking action based on the insights gained from the YouMap assessment.
Cynthia is offering a special 50% discount for listeners using the promo code "BenPugh" on her website, betterregulatethannever.com
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Here is what you'll learn in this episode:
- Understanding the impact of bullying on both the victim and the bully.
- Rethinking traditional anti-bullying methods by emphasizing empowerment for both parties.
- Analyzing real-life bullying instances to reveal underlying issues and motivations.
- Providing practical advice for parents and educators to support teens facing bullying.
- Demonstrating the transformative power of empowerment in helping teens become resilient to bullying.
For the Full Show notes, CLICK HERE.
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this podcast episode, you will learn:
- Trust is subjective and depends on individual expectations and experiences.
- Trust comes from within and is influenced by both expectations and actions.
- Clear communication and understanding of core needs are essential in parent-teen relationships.
- Dwelling on the past and thinking in black-and-white terms can hinder progress.
- Addressing fear, fostering open communication, and reshaping stories about situations can lead to stronger parent-teen relationships.
To learn more about Luke Shilling you can find him:
Podcast: After the Affair
Facebook
Instagram
Website
Email
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
In this enlightening episode, Ben explores a fundamental concept in parenting that most advice gets wrong – the external focus versus the internal focus. Discover why concentrating on things outside of your control, such as your teen's behavior, can drain your energy and hinder your growth as a parent.
Discover the key unseen elements that influence your parenting, including your core values, fundamental beliefs, daily thought patterns, emotions, and your identity as a parent. By redirecting your focus to these aspects, you'll witness how your inner world shapes your outer world.
This episode provides a transformative roadmap for parents seeking to improve their relationship with their teens. It encourages you to embrace the inner game of parenting, emphasizing that real change begins from within.
Kickstart your journey towards mastering the inner game of parenting by taking the Parent Trap Quiz and joining free Masterclass sessions to help you break free from your parenting traps.
Take the Parent Trap Quiz
Register for the Masterclass Session
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Today's episode features Julia Rocque as a special guest, discussing the Pyramid of Influence.
The Arbinger Institute, known for "Leadership and Self-Deception," authored this concept. The pyramid consists of six levels:
- Get out of the box or improve your way of being.
- Build relationships with others who have influence.
- Build the relationship with your teenager.
- Listen and learn.
- Teach and communicate.
- Correct when things go wrong.
The three principles of this pyramid are:
- Spend more time at the foundation.
- The solution to one level is always at least one level lower.
- Effectiveness at every level depends on the lowest level, your way of being.
Julia emphasizes the importance of starting with self-improvement (level 1) and shares her personal journey in discovering this foundational change. She advises parents to focus on their well-being, self-care, and personal growth.
We discuss the significance of building relationships with people who influence your teen, including their friends' families. They recommend inviting your teen's friends over to your house and being supportive of their connections. By creating a welcoming environment, you can better understand your teenager's world and establish trust.
Julia's Instagram
Julia's Facebook
CLICK HERE for you FREE Guide Connection Before Correction 100 Ideas Guide
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
3 types of Parent Traps you may be falling into:
- The Controlling Parent Trap: Ever found yourself trying to control every aspect of your teen's life, from their thoughts to their actions? It comes from a place of love, but it's a trap. We'll show you how to break free.
- The Doormat Parent Trap: On the flip side, some of us become total doormats, letting our teens walk all over us because we want them to like us. It's time to regain your boundaries and self-respect.
- The Lost and Confused Parent Trap: Have you ever felt completely lost and confused as a parent, unsure of what to do or how to do it right? We've got the answers to help you find your way.
Now, you might be wondering, "Why should I take this quiz? I already know which trap I'm in." Well, here's the deal – this quiz doesn't just pinpoint your primary trap; it breaks it all down and tells you where to start making changes. It's your roadmap to becoming a better parent.
Plus, when you take the Parent Trap quiz, you get an invitation to a free Masterclass with me, where I'll dive deeper into these traps and help you get unstuck. All because I care about you and your journey as a parent.
So, don't wait! Take the quiz and discover your parenting strengths and areas for improvement. Let's get you on the path to becoming the best parent you can be.
And remember, if this podcast has been helpful for you, it can be for your friends too. Share it with other parents who could use some support on this amazing, challenging journey of parenting. You've got one job today – go take the Parent Trap quiz. I'll see you soon!
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
TAKE THE QUIZ
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
Powerful Points
Teens need support from a community of adults.
You can have an impact on more teens than simply your own teen.
If you want to have an impact on a teens life, simply be the best adult you can be.
We both remember the impact that other adults had on our lives.
Let us know if you would like us to do a Mini-Series. Shoot us a DM
@drive_your_thoughts_coaching
@benpughcoaching
Take the free Parent Trap quiz
If you have a teen you should take this Parent Trap Quiz .
It will help you uncover specific parenting patterns that might be hindering your relationship with your teen.
By identifying your Parent Trap, you gain the tools to have better communication, resolve conflicts, and build greater confidence in your parenting decisions.
This self-awareness ultimately strengthens your relationship with your teen, which leads to a more open and harmonious connection.
This quiz is your gateway to becoming the parent of your dreams and paving the way for a happier and healthier family life.
TAKE THE QUIZ Already taken the quiz?
Check out my New ABSOLUTELY FREE Audio Course: Parenting from the Inside Out!
🎧 LISTEN HERE!
You'll Have to Listen To This Episode
This was an awesome interview with Carrie Marshall.
We had an amazing conversation.
As always, I don't really do show notes for my interviews because they're not scripted. We just talk and go.
Powerful Points
Your story is worth sharing.
You have a story to share.
Anyone can write a book.
Understand what you want to tell the world and why.
Want To Connect with Carrie? Links Below!
Driveyourthoughts.com
Podcast
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
You can also join me for a free Live Parent Training /Coaching on
August 9 @ 2pm MDT
August 16 @ 2pm MDT
August 23 @ 2pm MDT
Click here to sign up!
You'll Have to Listen To This Episode
This was an awesome interview with Natalie Dianne.
We had an amazing conversation.
Powerful Points
It's not your job to change your spouse, your teen, or anyone else.
You can only change yourself.
The only person who can know if divorce is right for you is YOU!
Tap in to your internal wisdom, do the inner work, and make the best decision for you and your family.
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
You can also join me for a free Live Parent Training /Coaching on
August 9 @ 2pm MDT
August 16 @ 2pm MDT
August 23 @ 2pm MDT
Click here to sign up!
Some of the most common problems with athletes
If you have a teen athlete, this podcast is for you and for them.
If you don't have a teen athlete, you can still listen because these principles are true in parenting as well.
Every year I coach a handful of elite athletes who want to take their game to the next level.
Often times, these are athletes who used to play at a high level, but for some reason, they've started struggling and falling behind.
Other times, these are athletes who struggle to manage their emotions when things go wrong on the field or court, and they throw fits, put their head down and sulk, or stop trying or executing at a high level.
I'm going to share 7 secrets that might be holding your teen back in their sport.
If I were to work with your teen, I'd help them identify ONE THING to start working on.
Don't try to tackle every single one all at once.
And, if you're a teen listening to this episode, it's probably because you care about your sport, and you want to improve. That's an awesome spot to start!
Check out the complete show notes: benpughcoaching.com/168
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
You can also join me for a free Live Parent Training /Coaching on
August 9 @ 2pm MDT
August 16 @ 2pm MDT
August 23 @ 2pm MDT
Click here to sign up!
Some of the most common problems with athletes
If you have a teen athlete, this podcast is for you and for them.
If you don't have a teen athlete, you can still listen because these principles are true in parenting as well.
Every year I coach a handful of elite athletes who want to take their game to the next level.
Often times, these are athletes who used to play at a high level, but for some reason, they've started struggling and falling behind.
Other times, these are athletes who struggle to manage their emotions when things go wrong on the field or court, and they throw fits, put their head down and sulk, or stop trying or executing at a high level.
I'm going to share 7 secrets that might be holding your teen back in their sport.
If I were to work with your teen, I'd help them identify ONE THING to start working on.
Don't try to tackle every single one all at once.
And, if you're a teen listening to this episode, it's probably because you care about your sport, and you want to improve. That's an awesome spot to start!
Check out the full show notes: benpughcoaching.com/167
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
You can also join me for a free Live Parent Training /Coaching on
August 9 @ 2pm MDT
August 16 @ 2pm MDT
August 23 @ 2pm MDT
Click here to sign up!
Are You and/or Your Teen Dreading School?
First off, I think you should know that teens all over the US are dreading returning to school.
If you're teen is feeling anxious and they are dreading school, this episode is for you.
If you're teen is excited and ready to return to school, you can still implement everything you hear in this episode to help your teen make this school year great.
So, to be clear, if your teen is dreading the upcoming school year, you and your teen are not alone.
In fact, if you or your teen have had a negative experience with school, it's natural to feel anxious when it comes to school.
This episode will hopefully help you and your teen be better prepared for the upcoming school year.
Tips For You and Your Teen
I'm going to share some of my best tips with you to help you and your teen.
Please don't feel like you have to implement every single one of these tips.
Just find what works for you.
1 Start Things Off with a Family Meeting
I LOVE family meetings.
2 Develop Emotional Intelligence
If your teen is DREADING going back to school, this is an opportunity to develop some emotional intelligence.
3 Find Ways to Give Your Teen Power
Help them own what they feel and why they're feeling it.
4 Keep School In The Proper Perspective
School is what you want school to be.
Keep school in perspective.
5 Improve Your Relationship with Your Teen
This is the one back to school secret that nobody is talking about.
Create an impactful relationship with your teen.
Back-To-School Special
Right now, you can access the Impact Parenting Membership for only $27 for your first month.
That's a huge savings (over 70%)
Click below to learn more.
IMPACT Parenting Membership!
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
You can also join me for a free Live Parent Training /Coaching on
August 9 @ 2pm MDT
August 16 @ 2pm MDT
August 23 @ 2pm MDT
Click here to sign up!
As the back-to-school season approaches, parents and teens alike experience a mix of emotions. While some parents eagerly anticipate the return to routine, many teens might feel anxious and overwhelmed by the upcoming challenges. If you find yourself wondering if coaching is the right solution for your teen during this critical time, this podcast is here to provide valuable insights and guidance.
Join Ben as he tackles the question, "How do I know if coaching is right for my teen?" In today's fast-paced world, where anxiety and stress impact many teens, understanding the benefits of coaching becomes essential.
This episode delves into the transformative potential of coaching for teens. With relatable anecdotes and expert advice, Ben explores the signs that indicate your teen might benefit from coaching and how it can empower them to navigate the challenges of school and beyond.
If you or your teen are dreading the school season and seeking a supportive solution to help your teen thrive, this podcast is a must-listen. Discover the impact of coaching on teens' confidence, resilience, and overall well-being, and gain actionable tips for making an informed decision about coaching for your teen.
Join Ben for an enlightening discussion that will equip parents with the knowledge to confidently guide their teens toward success. Don't miss "Is Coaching Right for Your Teen?" — the podcast that will transform your back-to-school experience and empower your teen to embrace the new academic year with enthusiasm and self-assurance.
For full show notes go to benpughcoaching.com/165
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
You can also join me for a free Live Parent Training /Coaching on
August 9 @ 2pm MDT
August 16 @ 2pm MDT
August 23 @ 2pm MDT
Click here to sign up!
You'll Have to Listen To This Episode
This was an awesome interview with Emily Brown.
We had an amazing conversation.
As always, I don't really do show notes for my interviews because they're not scripted. We just talk and go.
Powerful Points
In this episode we talked about how many parents struggle homeschooling their children because they're trying to do all the tasks, before building connections.
We talked about how important it is for you to meet your needs, connect with God, connect with your teen, and then provide for their schooling.
Emily also addressed 4 stages in parenting:
Doer, Teacher, Mentor, Consultant
The universe is reflecting you.
If you want to change the world, BE THE CHANGE!
Want To Connect with Emily?
Here are all the links from this episode:
Fiat Life Coaching Website
Intro to Loving Your Homeschool Life
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
It's as simple as:
- Committing to Love,
- So you can have purpose and direction in even the toughest of parenting moments.
- Respecting Their Process,
- So you can show them that you do trust them.
- Stop Trying to Control/Fix Them,
- So you can finally be in control of YOU and your parenting. And,
- Taking 100% Responsibility for YOUR relationship with them,
- So you can stop being the victim, at the mercy of your teen, and start BEING the parent of your dreams!
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
Want a Better Relationship with Your Teen?
If you're anything like the parents that I work with, you probably want to improve your relationship with your teen.
That's awesome, because having an impactful relationship with your teen the foundation that successful teens are built on.
The problem is, there are sneaky traps that parents get caught up in that kill their relationship with their teen, and if you're not careful, you might be making these very same mistakes.
1 Being "Right" All The Time
2 Taking Control Away From Your Teen
3 Letting Your Teen Walk All Over You
FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up
If you want to take this to the next level, I'd like to give you my FREE Teen Relationship Tune-up training.
In only 15 minutes, you can completely fix your relationship with your teen.
Imagine enjoying your teen, laughing together and doing fun things together because you have an impactful relationship with them.
It's as simple as:
- Committing to Love,
- So you can have purpose and direction in even the toughest of parenting moments.
- Respecting Their Process,
- So you can show them that you do trust them.
- Stop Trying to Control/Fix Them,
- So you can finally be in control of YOU and your parenting. And,
- Taking 100% Responsibility for YOUR relationship with them,
- So you can stop being the victim, at the mercy of your teen, and start BEING the parent of your dreams!
Teen Relationship Tune-Up FREE
Join me as Dr. Paul Jenkins and I discuss how you can use parenting to increase your personal growth.
Click the link below to get your free guide from Dr. Paul
https://drpauljenkins.com/impact
https://benpughcoaching.com/162
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com
YOU Have the Power to Make Tough Moments Powerful Moments
Recently in one of my group coaching call, a mom humbly and a little embarrassed admitted that she had recently parented her teen in a way that she was not proud of.
In fact, she was embarrassed and beating herself up.
She couldn't understand how, after learning all this new stuff inside the membership, she could still say such mean things.
She was worried that she had done the complete wrong thing and that it was maybe too late to fix it.
"Bad" Parenting Moments CAN Make the Best Parenting Moments
I believe that "bad" parenting moments can become the BEST parenting moments.
In fact, if you make the best of a "bad" parenting moment, the resulting parenting moment will be better than if the "bad" parenting moment had never happened.
When you make a mistake as a parent, it's nothing more than an opportunity for you to demonstrate how to apologize, how to fix problems, how to recognize mistakes and address them.
If you're guilty of parenting moments that you're not proud of, start using them as opportunities for growth.
This gives your teen the opportunity to see you in a different light.
This give your teen an example of how to repair damages done in relationships.
Rather than being an eternal wound to this relationship, it becomes a powerful teaching moment, and an opportunity for even deeper connection.
Be Kind To Yourself
When You catch yourself in tough parenting moment, be kind to yourself.
No parent on earth is perfect.
You're doing your best, and that's exactly what your teen needs.
5 Keys To Turn Tough Parenting Moments into IMPACTFUL Parenting Moments
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
This is an awesome conversation about trauma and Triggers with Dr. Leanne Hawken
After my recent podcast episode, Leanne reached out to me to further the discussion on trauma and triggers.
This is a powerful conversation.
SO, you'll definitely want to listen to this one rather than just trying to read the show notes.
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Have You Ever Had A "Gut Punch" Realization?
Today, I'm going to tell you about one of the most life altering events of my life.
It took place during a jog at my local walking park with Brooke Castillo.
Only, she wasn't there.
It was just me, my phone, and my head phones, and Brooke's podcast.
It's Not My Teen That Needs To Change, It's ME!
I can't remember which podcast episode I was listening to. Usually I'd either listen to multiple episodes in a jog, and sometimes I'd listen to the same episode twice just because it was so mind blowing at the time.
I can't even remember exactly what she said, but I can remember exactly what I realized, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
"It's not my teen that needs to change. It's me."
WHAT????
I had to stop jogging and take a second to process that information.
As I realized the implications that came with that understanding, it kind of felt like a gut punch.
I suddenly realized that I had been doing it all wrong as a parent.
BE The Change You Want To See
Before that day, when I thought about parenting my foster teens, I felt like a failure.
I often felt overwhelmed and frustrated.
I was stuck in the trap of trying to control my foster teens.
We were power struggling every day, and my wife and I thought about quitting as foster parents.
But, this realization changed EVERYTHING!
I started asking myself one simple question over and over:
"How can I BE THE CHANGE I want to see here?"
It was amazing what I was able to find when I asked myself that question.
I can be more calm.
I can be kinder.
I can be more proactive.
I can be more complimentary.
I can be more fun.
I can be more consistent.
It felt so empowering. After wasting so much time and energy trying to change my foster kids, it was invigorating simply being the change.
You Can Do the Same Thing
If you're tired of trying to change your teen, you can do the same thing I did.
Commit to BEING the change you are looking for.
You'll be surprised just how much everything around you changes when you change.
Enroll In The IMPACT Parenting Course TODAY
If you're the type of parent who wants a strong relationship with your teen, this is the course for you.
If you're tired of fighting with your teen or simply feeling disappointed with them all of the time, join us in the Impact Parenting Course today!
Click here to register!
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
What Does Trigger Even Mean?
For most people, when their talking about triggers, or "being triggered", they're usually talking about some kind of circumstance that triggers them or others.
This circumstance could be somebody else's actions, or words, or even something outside of their control like the color of their skin, their past, or even their heritage.
The truth is still the same, triggers are circumstances that trigger a mental, emotional, or behavioral response, and probably all 3.
Typically when people talk about being triggered, it's because it's caused an uncomfortable and undesired response.
When I've been accused of triggering people, it's usually because I said something that they don't like because it triggers an uncomfortable emotion.
You should know this, and your teen needs to know this too, but their are people in this world trying to trigger you for their own benefit.
Don't Take It Personally
When someone or something triggers you, don't take it personally.
But, life doesn't happen to you, it happens FOR you.
Your triggers aren't happening to you. They're happening for you.
What To Do When You're TriggeredCheck out the show notes for more details.
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Habits Are Underrated and Underutilized
Every year around New Year's, everyone starts talking about goals.
This is awesome, I think everyone should have goals.
The problem is, with out habits, your goals are little more than dreams.
If you want to accomplish your goals, you need to identify, "What habits will it take to accomplish my goal?"
Powerful Parenting Habits
- Set Your Intention Each Day
- Commit to Connection Daily
- Embrace the Moment
- Manage Your Mind
- Trust Yourself, Your Teen, and the Process
- Let Go Of Things Outside of Your Control
- Practice, Practice, Practice
- Be Willing to Be Wrong and/or Make Mistakes
- Be The Change You Want to See
- Play to Your Strengths
Come Join Me LIVE!
I'm going to be Live for my 3 Day Be the Change Parenting Training
It's going to be awesome! Register and Save the dates:
June 8 - 12PM (MDT)
June 13 - 12PM (MDT)
June 15 - 12PM (MDT)
Click here to register!
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Boundaries are Misunderstood
There are some common mistakes that parents make when setting boundaries.
Boundaries aren't meant to control others.
Boundaries are important for you and your teen.
Come Join Me!
I'm going to be Live for my 3 Day Be the Change Parenting Training
It's going to be awesome! Register and Save the dates:
June 8 - 12PM (MDT)
June 13 - 12PM (MDT)
June 15 - 12PM (MDT)
Click here to register!
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Trying to Control Your Teen Hurts Your Teen
Just Because Everyone Does It Doesn't Make It Right
Do You Like It When Others Try To Control You?
There's a Better Way
If You Continue to Control, Your Relationship will Suffer
Come Join Me!
I'm getting ready to do my 3 day live Be the Change Parenting series.
This is one of my most popular trainings that I do.
Don't miss it!
Click here to register!
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
- Teens want connection.Contrary to the myth that teens don't want anything to do with you as their parents, it's important for you to trust that your teen actually desires a connection with you.
- Build Values-Based Connection.
Instead of trying to connect over things that you value, it is important to connect with your teen based on their values and interests. Understanding and engaging with what matters to them can strengthen your relationship with them. - Your Relationships Reflect You.
The quality of your relationships with others, especially your teens, is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Focus on improving your self-connection to create a powerful connection with your teens. Being kinder and more respectful to yourself can positively impact your relationship with your teen.
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
In this podcast episode, I interview Cliff Ravenscraft from MindsetAnswerman.com
We talk about:
1. Identity
2. Abundance
3. The Law of Attraction
and a few other random things.
Come Listen and Enjoy this Podcast Interview!
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
In this podcast episode, I interview Cliff Ravenscraft from MindsetAnswerman.com
We talk about:
1. Identity
2. Abundance
3. The Law of Attraction
and a few other random things.
Come Listen and Enjoy this Podcast Interview!
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Real Talk about the book Leadership and Self-Deception
What does it mean to be “in the box” towards someone?
Being “In the Box”= Seeing ourselves and others in a systematically distorted way. Others
are mere Objects
Being “Out of the Box” = Seeing ourselves and others more or less as we are, as People.
Self-deception is creating stories based on your own reality that doesn’t serve you!
Collusion
When we are in the box towards someone we generally want to get other people to join in with us and confirm that what we are thinking and feeling is justified.
In the book, Leadership and Self-Deception, there is a story about Kate. She is in the box towards her son for being late home from hanging out with friends. When she was in the box she needed to her son to be doing wrong.
When he shows up on time, but just barely, she still complains about how he is cutting it close.
Kate and her husband were colluding together against their son.
Being the Change
Cortni wanted her husband to read this book since they were in the box against each other. But he didn’t want to. . . until she decided to read it without him and started making changes, then he was finally interested himself.
Ben: Cortni what would you tell someone who thinks this won’t work for them?
Cortni: TRY! Just give it a try. With the membership, give it a shot even for a month. And you will feel so much support from the other moms and Ben. It’s worth it! Just give it a shot.
Join The Firmly Founded Parent (FFP) Membership
If you want to seriously up-level your parenting, join the membership.
If you’re tired of arguing with your teen and trying to help them even though they don’t want help, join the membership.
If you like 1:1 support, join the membership.
If you want the support of a community of parents just like you, join the membership
Start BEING The Parent Of Your Dreams TODAY!
Want to be the mom of your dreams? Come join us in my parenting membership.
Benpughccoaching.com/fffp
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, April 12th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Feel Powerless in Your Parenting?
If you're like most parents, you've probably felt powerless from time to time.
In fact, if you're a first time listener to this podcast, I'm guessing that you've recently found yourself feeling powerless.
If you've listened to my podcast very long, you've probably heard me say that when you feel powerless as a parent, it's because you're focusing on things outside of your control.
Today, we're going to talk about getting your personal power back
If you've been feeling powerless, it's time to take your personal power back.
There are 3 exercises that I'm going to walk you through to help you take your power power back and start living in integrity.
Exercise #1 Stop Focusing on Things Outside Of Your Control
Exercise #2 Your Word Is Powerful
Exercise #3 Live In INTEGRITY
Access My BE the Change Workbook for FREE!
Simply click the button below.
BE The Change Workbook for FREE
Join The Firmly Founded Parent (FFP) Membership
If you want to seriously up-level your parenting, join the membership.
If you're tired of arguing with your teen and trying to help them even though they don't want help, join the membership.
If you like 1:1 support, join the membership.
If you want the support of a community of parents just like you, join the community.
Start BEING The Parent Of Your Dreams TODAY!
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, April 12th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
My Favorite Things to Teach
I want to walk you through my 10 favorite things to teach parents.
In fact, these principles are not only my favorite things to teach, but they are the things that the parents who I work with consistently tell me have had the most impact on their lives.
So, over the next several episodes, you'll get access to my top 10 favorite principles.
And, I'm going to teach them in the order that I think would be most beneficial to you. Do You Know Your Values?
Your Values Create Your Results
Understanding Your Values Leads to Understanding Your Teen's Values
Secrets to Values
- There are no "RIGHT" or "WRONG" values.
- Your values are not better than someone else's.
- We all have roughly the same amount of values in common with others as we do in conflict with others.
- People that we like, we choose to focus on our common values.
- People that we dislike, often our teens, it's because we focus on our conflicting values.
Access My BE the Change Workbook for FREE!
Simply click the button below.
BE The Change Workbook for FREE
Join The Firmly Founded Parent (FFP) Membership
If you want to seriously up-level your parenting, join the membership.
If you're tired of arguing with your teen and trying to help them even though they don't want help, join the membership.
If you like 1:1 support, join the membership.
If you want the support of a community of parents just like you, join the community.
Start BEING The Parent Of Your Dreams TODAY!
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, April 12th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
If you create experiences you can create powerful transformations and powerful relationships.
We underestimate the power of fun in our lives.
When I took my kids surfing in Hawaii the instructor told us that when we got up to make sure that we looked ahead of us, like at a palm tree. If we looked down in the water, that is where we would end up.
I love this, it fits so perfectly with my favorite saying, "You are where your attention is"
We need to set our intentions and not just let our lives govern us.
You're just a different person when you have these experiences
There is a version of you that exists that you don't believe exists right now, when that version of you gets to come to the surface and play and you can go back to your [regular life] and you're like "yeah, I've ridden waves. I rode waves in Puerto Rico"
Jake Roehl
Want to join Jake and Whit on one of there amazing retreats? Click here to learn more
Here is the link to a free tool they created called “The Map” :
https://www.steadfastlifecoaching.com/the-map-audio-training
it includes audio recordings intended to “awaken” your inner athlete, adventurer, or child of God in 3-5 minutes. Which ever identity you believe will serve you best in the challenge you’re facing.
JOIN Firmly Founded Parent
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, April 12th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
My Favorite Things to Teach
I want to walk you through my 10 favorite things to teach parents.
In fact, these principles are not only my favorite things to teach, but they are the things that the parents who I work with consistently tell me have had the most impact on their lives.
So, over the next several episodes, you'll get access to my top 10 favorite principles.
And, I'm going to teach them in the order that I think would be most beneficial to you.
This week I'm talking about how Identity is a Process!
- Being the Parent of Your Dreams is an Identity Process
- Your Parenting Identity is Like Your GPS
- Know Yourself and Trust Yourself
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Get your free Recipe for a Successful relationship with your teen
https://benpughcoaching.com/recipe
You can find Camille:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sixsistersstuff/
Website: https://www.sixsistersstuff.com/
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
In this episode I talk with Tyson Bradley about how to create good sleep routines for you and your teen.
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
This Is Coming From a Place of Love
First of all, I don't hate other parenting coaches.
In fact, I don't think I hate anyone.
I know tons of parenting coaches that are freaking amazing.
I just see the ads on Facebook and the emails in my inbox telling me things like,
- "I'm THE parenting expert, and YOU should only listen to me."
- "Parent this way so your kids will . . . (fill in the blank)."
- Or, "Here's the RIGHT way to parent."
So, I'm going to share some of the things that I think are holding parents back, and I'm also going to share a mindset shift that will help you change everything.
#1 I'm NOT "THE Parenting Expert," YOU Are!
#2 "Parent This Special Way, So Your Teen Will Do . . . "
#3 There's a Right and a Wrong Way To Parent
Join The Firmly Founded Parent (FFP) Membership
If you want to seriously up-level your parenting, join the membership.
If you're tired of arguing with your teen and trying to help them even though they don't want help, join the membership.
If you like 1:1 support, join the membership.
If you want the support of a community of parents just like you, join the community.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Comparison Feels Like Not Being Good Enough?
If you worry that you're not good enough, you're probably comparing yourself to someone or something else.
You might be comparing yourself to other parents, to your friends, or maybe even to a mythical version of yourself that doesn't even exist.
The problem with comparison is that it is never accurate and it is often the reason you feel like you're not good enough.
Worry About What Others Think
Another thing that might be making you feel like you're not good enough is worrying about what others think about you.
You Are BETTER Than Good Enough
The other day I was speaking with someone and she told me that she had heard someone say, "You are the perfect parent for your children, and your children are the perfect children for you."
I think she is right on.
You ARE the perfect parent for your teens, in all your imperfection.
And, your teen is the perfect teen for you, in all their imperfection.
Trust that you are actually better than good enough.
You are perfectly matched for your teen, and when you trust this, you will start to see evidence of this all over.
Whether You Are "Good Enough" or Not is Dependent on Your Stories
Henry Ford is famous for saying, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right,”
The same principle is true here. Whether you think you are "better than good enough" or you think you're not good enough – you’re right.
So, you might as well shift your focus to find evidence that you are awesome!
Your brain finds what you look for.
If you think you're not good enough, your brain is going to show you all the things that you think are not good enough about you.
If you think that you are better than good enough, your brain is going to show you all the things that you are doing that are amazing.
You get to choose where you place your attention.
Practice Believing that You are Better than Enough.
You truly are better than simply being good enough.
You are amazing.
You are perfectly imperfect, or imperfectly perfect, either way, you are just the way you are supposed to be.
Does that mean that you have no room for growth?
Of course not. But it does mean that you can stop trying to grow and improve because you think you're not good enough.
Practice appreciating things about yourself.
Seriously, what makes you special and unique?
What gifts do you have that no one else has?
Practice seeing your value.
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Have You Ever Felt Attacked?
Appreciation is a Secret Ingredient to Lasting Relationships.
Criticism is the Opposite of Appreciation.
Want to Develop Appreciation with Your Teen?
Check are some tips to help you develop the habit of appreciation when it comes to your teen.
https://firmlyfoundedparent.com/139
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
What Makes Breaking Habits Hard for You?
This is a powerful question to explore for yourself.
What Makes Breaking Habits Hard is The Secret To Creating Habits Easily
Your Habits Create Your Results
If you want better results, you need better habits.
Learn how to intentionally create your desired habits, and you can learn how to intentionally create the life of your dreams.
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting two live Transformational Conversations, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have some New Year's goals, and their mostly on repeat from last year, you need to better understand your habits and what it takes to create new habits.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and belief to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and lets create some new and powerful habits in your parenting in 2023.
These transformational conversations will be live over zoom, face to face, on Thursday, January 12th at 10 am MST and Tuesday, January 24th, at 10 am MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Habits
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Your Model vs Your Teen's Model
The Self-Coaching Model is at play in your life, your teen's life, and everyone's life.
Your model can even have the same circumstance as your teen's model.
In fact, I've seen teens simply adopt their parent's models, and have identical models.
So here's the most important thing to understand when it comes to the difference between your model and your teen's model.
You can only control your own model.
You CAN NOT control your teen's model.
You are not responsible for how your teen thinks, feels, behaves, or the results that they create in their life.
You are only responsible for your own model.
So, stop trying to manage your teen's model and let them do that for themselves.
"I don't want to disappoint my parents."
Recently I spoke to a high school swim team.
One of the things the girls told me was, "I'm constantly anxious because I don't want to disappoint my parents."
Can you see how these teens were focused on someone else's model?
Of course they're feeling anxious. They are focused on something outside of their control.
Over Christmas, one of the things that I heard mothers tell me in their coaching sessions was, "I don't want my kids to be disappointed with Christmas."
Again, they're feeling anxious because they are focused on something outside of their control., their teen's model.
The problem is that our teens are learning to try to manage others' models for them because they see us doing that as parents when we try to manage their models.
Let's stop that!
Trust Your Teen
Your teen is more than capable of managing their own model.
You might ask, "what if they won't manage it?"
That's okay. They are perfectly capable of owning their model.
They are perfectly capable of owning the consequences of ignoring their model too.
Show your teen that you trust them.
Show them that they have the power to manage how they think and feel.
Show them that you trust them and give them the autonomy to manage their model for themselves.
Manage Your Own Model
You can't manage your teen's model for them, but you can be a powerful example to them of managing your own model.
In fact, in my experience, when parents manage their own models, things change in their homes.
Often, simply managing your own model is enough to help your teen start managing their own.
Human beings are herd animals, including your teen.
If you lead by example, they are likely to follow.
Create the Tradition of Parenting Growth in 2023!
Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.
I'm re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it's AMAZING!
This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.
As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will chan
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
What Are Traditions?
What are YOUR Traditions?
Why Do You Keep Your Traditions?
Create Impactful Traditions
Powerful Traditions in My Life
If You Want to Create an Impactful Tradition
Do it!
Commit to it.
Feel free to share why you're doing it, of just keep it to yourself.
Traditions are a powerful force in humanity.
Harness that power and be intentional with your traditions.
Create the Tradition of Parenting Growth in 2023!
Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.
I'm re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it's AMAZING!
This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.
As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.
Make this year magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.
Check out the NEW and IMPROVED Firmly Founded Parent Community.
If you want access to my new course, Parenting with Peace and Simplicity, now's the time.
If you're ready to stop waiting for your teen to change, get access to 1:1 coaching with me in the membership so YOU can start to be the change.
Connect with other parents who are also working to Be the change in their family.
Start BEING the parent of your dreams!
JOIN Firmly Founded Parent (FFP) in 2023
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
What's the Best Gift You Give Your Teen?
This time of year, parents around the world are wondering what to give their teens.
They want the perfect gift. One that their teen will like and actually use.
Parents are looking for that gift that's stylish enough that their teen will like it, but timeless enough that it will last.
The truth is, the perfect gift for your teen has more to do with you that you probably realize.
So, here is a list of the top 5 things that I think are awesome gifts for any teen.
My Top 5 Gifts for Teens List:
1 Belief and Trust In Your Teen
2 Acceptance and Belonging
3 Your Own Self-Work and Growth
4 Values Based Connection
5 Their Own Personal Coach
First, get your own coach.
And second, get your teen their own coach.
Join me in becoming the parent of your dreams.
I'm re-launching the Firmly Founded Parent, and it's going to be AMAZING!
This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.
As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.
Make this year magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.
Check out the NEW and IMPROVED Firmly Founded Parent Community.
If you want access to my new course, Parenting with Peace and Simplicity, now's the time.
If you're ready to stop waiting for your teen to change, get access to 1:1 coaching with me in the membership so YOU can start to be the change.
Connect with other parents who are also working to Be the change in their family.
Start BEING the parent of your dreams!
JOIN Firmly Founded Parent (FFP) in 2023
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Your Teen WANTS You To Connect with Them
This might come as a shock to you, but your teen WANTS you to connect with them.
I know what you might be thinking, "Not MY teen. They want nothing to do with me."
I know, it probably seems that way, but I promise you, your teen wants connection.
Your teen wants to belong.
They want to be praised and appreciated.
The want the safety that comes with unconditional love, acceptance, and belonging.
Wanting to belong is a fundamental human need and desire.
When this need isn't met, teens will desperately search for it.
Your teen might not be willing to admit it, but secretly they WANT connection with YOU!
Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect with Them
Now, here's the tricky part.
Your teen wants YOU to connect with them.
Stop waiting for them to open up and start connecting with you, they want you to initiate the connection.
This is powerful knowledge.
Knowing that Your teen WANTS connection, and knowing that they want YOU to connect with them gives you incredible power.
Whether or not it's true is less important than simply believing and trusting that it is true.
Think about it.
The thought, "My teen wants nothing to do with me."
How does that feel for you?
It might feel "true," but it probably feels sad and disheartening.
Now think about this instead, "My teen wants ME to connect with them?"
How does that feel?
For me, it's hopeful and empowering.
It helps me know that what I'm doing as a dad, even though it's sometimes hard, is exactly what my teens secretly want.
Build Values Based Connections with Your Teen
One of the things that I am fighting against in the world is over-complication or parenting.
We have a natural tendency to overly complicate things, especially parenting.
So, here are some simple principles to help you build values based connections with your teens.
When you join my membership in 2023, you'll get access to my full values trainings, which are AMAZING!
But for now, I promise you this is enough to get you started.
- Know your own values.
- Know what drives you.
- Know what your priorities are.
- Look to your results for evidence as to what your values are.
- Know your teen's values.
- Understand what drives your teen.
- What are their priorities?
- Look at their results for evidence of what their values are.
- Highlight your common values.
- We all have common values.
- Most people focus on their differences.
- When you focus on others' values, you will appreciate them and have a desire to connect with them.
- When you focus on common values, it builds a solid foundation for connection.
- Take interest in what your teen is interested in.
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!
Make sure you listen to this episode because I won't do it justice here in the show notes.
Emily Wardrop is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for parents. I really enjoyed this conversation with her, and I'm sure you will too.
On the Same Team
On this podcast we talk about being on the same team rather than on the same page.
This helps you as a parent to model the behavior and BEing that you want to see in your teen.
Humans are Herd Animals
We talked about mirroring the behavior that we see in our children.
We talked about the power of modeling the behavior that we want to see instead of mirroring it.
Be the Change You Want to See!
We also talked about BEing the change that you want to see.
Too many parents overly focus on their teens, and instead of BEing the change, they try to change their teens.
Be the change that you want to see!
How to work with Emily!
You can find Drop the War Life Coach on FB, IG, and YouTube!
Check out her amazing FREE trainings by clicking the links below!
www.dropthewar.com/believe
www.dropthewar.com/t1d
My Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don't miss it!
I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.
If you haven't yet listened to my FREE Podcast-MINI-Series, Parenting from the Inside-Out, do it before it's gone on Dec. 14th, 2022.
benpughcoaching.com/privatepodcast
Also, register to attend one or all of my FREE Parenting from the Inside-Out trainings. Learn More Here
There will be live trainings held on the following dates and times:
- Dec 6, 2022 10:00 AM
- Dec 7, 2022 02:00 PM
- Dec 14, 2022 12:00 PM
Register Here for my FREE Parenting from the Inside-Out Training
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I'm going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let's create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Tuesday, March 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
FREE Transformational Conversation about Relationships
Your Stories Are Making You Unhappy
One of the things I've noticed recently is that there are a lot of unhappy parents and teens out there.
This is something that I've been coaching on regularly for the past several months.
And, to be honest, this is something that I've been struggling with in my own life recently.
Then recently I heard my coach say, . . .
"Unhappiness comes from the gap between where your current life
is (story) and where you think it should be (story). That gap in between is the
'unhappiness gap'.”
~ Jim Fortin
The truth is, EVERYTHING is a story.
Be The Hero Of Your Stories
Another thing that causes unhappiness, and one that I am a master at, is positioning yourself as the victim in your story.
I do this all the time.
I blame the guy who cut me off, or my wife or business partner for a disagreement.
The problem is, anytime you blame someone else, you position yourself as the victim in your story.
If you or your teen are unhappy, check your stories. Are you blaming someone or something outside of your control?
If the answer is "Yes," that's awesome news because YOU have the power to be the hero of your stories.
Start Developing New Stories
There's a trend in life coaching to really focus on what you are thinking.
This isn't bad, and I love thought awareness, but I think there's also power in focusing on HOW you are thinking.
Blaming is a way of thinking.
Catastrophizing is a way of thinking.
On the other hand, being accountable or taking responsibility are ways of thinking.
As you change how you think, you will start practicing new stories.
You can do this both on the individual level of WHAT you are thinking and on the bigger picture of HOW you are thinking.
Want to Be Happier? Tell Better Stories.
There was a time when my business was new, we weren't making much money, and we had to get help from our church to provide food for my family.
I remember thinking things like:
- I'm a failure.
- My business isn't working.
- I should quit.
- This isn't working.
- It's the market's fault.
As I did some self coaching, I started replacing my old stories with more helpful stories like:
- This is an opportunity for me to grow from desperation.
- This will be a good story to help inspire future clients.
- If I can get through this, I can get through anything.
Making sense of your past or current trials and struggles is kind of like connecting the dots between where you were and are and where you want to be.
Making sense of your life is simply choosing the stories that you will tell and the interpretations you will make.
Merry Christmas!
I want to give YOU a FREE GIFT, my podcast-mini-series to help YOU grow as a parent.
This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until Wednesday December 14, 2022.
This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.
As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home.
Make this year's Christmas magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams.
Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.
FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!
Make sure you listen to this episode because I won't do it justice here in the show notes.
Arthur C. Woods is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for teens. I really enjoyed this conversation with him.
Stages of Growth!
Discovery: Discovering who you are and who you want to be.
Defining: Defining and deciding who you are and who you want to be.
These are both important steps in growth.
And, growth is often uncomfortable.
In addition to being uncomfortable, growth is also a process that takes time and repeated effort over and over.
The Importance of Identity
Most people overly focus on DOing things rather than BEing.
Rather than reading a book, be a reader.
Rather than focusing on running a marathon, focus on BEing a marathon runner.
Trust who you are!
Lean to your strengths.
Let your weaknesses be areas of growth.
How to get your teen to work with Arthur!
(1) Free Parent (of Teen) Training: Helping Your Teen Escape The Prison of Anxiety (December 08, Thursday @ 6:30 pm - Eastern Standard Time). Parents can register here: https://bit.ly/helpingyourteensescape
(2) Free Facebook Group, Exclusively For Parents of Teenagers: www.facebook.com/groups/parentingteensintodaysworld
(3) Connect with Arthur: www.facebook.com/arthurcwoods
My Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don't miss it!
I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.
This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until December 14th, 2022.
This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.
Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.
FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
I'm Grateful for YOU!
I wanted to take a minute and express my gratitude for you!
I'm grateful for you and your efforts as a parent.
I'm grateful for your time, for your attention, and for your desire to grow.
Thank you for your support!
The Power Of Gratitude
Recently I've been doing a lot of coaching on emotions.
Here's what I've learned.
Gratitude as a Feeling
Gratitude is a feeling, an emotion.
It is created by our thoughts.
It is created when we choose to appreciate our circumstances.
Gratitude is when you intentionally choose to be grateful and appreciative for your circumstances.
Gratitude is a powerful driving emotion.
We know from the model that our feelings drive our actions.
When I’m grateful I take actions like serving others, appreciating others, treating others (and myself) with kindness and patience.
Gratitude drives actions that create results that I love in my life.
Gratitude as a Way of BEing
Gratitude can be more than a simple feeling.
Gratitude can be a way of BEing. It’s a choice.
I love BEing grateful. It is one of my favorite ways to BE as a dad.
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably caught yourself being ungrateful.
If you’re like most people, when you’re ungrateful, you probably parent with less kindness and compassion.
It’s okay to catch yourself being ungrateful. It’s part of being human and being a parent.
BUT, you also have the power to BE grateful!
AND, I promise . . .
Gratitude WILL change EVERYTHING!
How to Develop the Superpower, GRATITUDE!
- Set your Intention Early and Every day!
- This has been powerful in my life!
- When I get up, I set my intention for the day.
- I guide my mind as to where I want it to go to work.
-
This takes practice, but it’s totally worth it.
-
Practice BEing Grateful Daily.
-
This one goes right along with #1, once you’ve set you intention, simply practice!
- Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.
- Just commit to practicing BEing grateful every day.
-
It will become more and more natural.
-
See The Power of Gratitude In Your Life.
-
As you set your intention and practice gratitude, see the power in your life.
- See how BEing grateful impacts your life.
- Look for new and more things to be grateful for.
-
Find new ways to be grateful.
-
Keep a Gratitude Journal.
-
Seriously, there are some many things to be grateful for, and when you start to look for them, you’ll be overwhelmed with all the gifts in your life.
- Keep a gratitude journal so you can remember and fully appreciate your life.
- This journal will help you look back and see your own growth.
-
It’s fun to look back on things you were grateful for.
-
Share Your Gratitude with Others.
-
You can’t make others feel gratitude, but you can lead by example.
- Help other people feel loved and appreciated by sharing your gratitude for them with them.
- This may help others see things that they are grateful for.
The Gift Of Growth
I want to give you the gift of growth.
I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.
This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, from Monday November 14, 2022 through
This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.
Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.
FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
Why Do Parents Stop Growing?
Recently I was talking to a dad and he said something to the effect of, "Why do we quit growing as parents and adults?"
He went on to say that as a parent, he feels like he's supposed to know everything and be perfect and that working on his own personal growth would make him look silly, like he doesn't know everything and he's not perfect.
☝️ This is why parents stop growing. ☝️
They think that they're supposed to know everything and be perfect, so they avoid imperfection and the unknown.
There's a concept that I taught my little league football team this year.
One day, while I was trying to coach up one of my players, he kept interrupting me telling me, "I know. I already know!"
The problem was, when I watched him I could tell that he did not know what I wanted him to know.
And, because he thought he already knew, he didn't have room to learn anything new.
I call this the full cup problem.
Imagine trying to pour water into a cup that's already full of water.
What's going to happen?
It's going to over-fill and run over the side.
The cup has no room for anything more.
This happens to us when we think we have no room for growth.
Why Do People Avoid Growth?
Recently I've been watching my kids as they've been growing in different areas of their lives.
My 16 year old, even though he's on the football team and wants to be a good football player, he has been resistant to growth.
He tells me things like, "I don't want to mess up", or "I don't want a coach to yell at me", or "I don't want to look dumb."
My 13 teen year old on the other hand, has never played football before this year and he knew almost nothing.
Because he knew nothing, he positioned himself as an empty cup and was very coachable, and he grew very quickly.
Most people avoid growth for just a few reasons.
1 They don't want to look bad.
2 It can be hard and uncomfortable to grow.
3 They don't believe they can/need to grow.
Growth is What Stands Between You and Your Dreams
One of the things that I've found as I've coached tons of parents and teens is that growth is what's standing between you and your dreams.
Want to become the parent of your dreams?
Grow as a parent.
Want a better relationship with your teen?
Grow YOUR relationship with yourself and then your teen.
Want to stop yelling, arguing, or simply avoiding all potential conflict with your teen?
Grow yourself as a parent.
The Gift Of Growth
I want to give you the gift of growth.
I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent.
This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, from Monday November 14, 2022 through
This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well.
Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth.
FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
Slow Progress is Still Progress
- Progress is a Process
- Progress is Personal/Individual
- Progress Has a Purpose
Join My BE The Change Challenge!
Let's go back to the basics!
Join my BE The Change Challenge on Facebook.
Listen to my first 5 episodes and share your progress on Facebook.
YES! I WANT TO JOIN THE CHALLENGE!
Humans Overcomplicate Things
If you're like most people, you're probably guilty of overcomplicating things.
This is in our human nature.
Your Subconscious Mind Loves Simplicity
Your subconscious is craving simplicity.
We think we want complicated, and all the bells and whistles, but what we really want is simplicity.
Over-Complication Leads to Overwhelm
Lately in my 1:1 coaching and in the Firmly Founded Family membership, I've been coaching a lot on OVERWHELM.
It seems like everyone is overwhelmed these days, especially me.
Moms and dads are overwhelmed because it's the holiday season, and their houses aren't clean enough or decorated well enough, and they need to do all this stuff, and help their kids do all this stuff, and they need to pay the bills and work, but then they're not home, and they just feel like they are failing at everything because they can't do everything, and they feel overwhelmed and stressed.
Teens are overwhelmed because their grades aren't good enough, and they have so many things that they don't want to miss out on, and school, and church, and youth groups, and coaching calls, and sports, and, and, and, . . .
And I'm overwhelmed because I have so many things I want to do. I want to have the best family membership, the best coaching content, the best courses, and I want to start an entrepreneurial alternative to high school for teens who hate school, and I want the most clients, and I want to coach football and win the most games and have the trickiest plays, plus I just want to hangout with my family all the time, all of which leaves me feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
If you're like everyone I've ever coached on overwhelm, you probably don't like it.
Overwhelm will hold you back.
Overwhelm will suck all the joy and confidence from your life.
Simplicity Leads to BEing
If you want more peace, joy, and confidence in your life, start turning to simplicity.
Seriously, it will change EVERYTHING.
One of the things keeping you from BEing the parent of your dreams is overwhelm.
Trying to be everything, and do everything, and have everything is keeping you from BEing who you want to be.
Get Access to My Next Course at 50% OFF! (You just have to help me with some feedback).
I'm implementing some new teachings in my next course, and I'm redoing tons of components with the goal of simplification.
Help me hone in this trainings and make the course as simple, yet impactful, as possible, while saving a bunch of money.
Get the Course for $125 OFF!
Why Don't People Change?
Everyone wants to change!
But, very few people actually create the change that they are looking for.
Why is that?
Why don't people change; or, why don't people create the change that they are looking for?
Today we're going to explore 2 things.
What keeps people from change, in general?
. . . And, . . .
What's keeping YOU from changing?
What Keeps People From Changing?
The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is:
Facing Your Fears!
On Monday, we hosted a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters.
We're doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears.
By participating in this training (watching the replay) and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card.
Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.
Taming Your Emotional Monsters Replay
FREE Taming Your Emotional Monsters Training SOON!
We're hosting a free Family Home Evening style training on Monday, October 10th, @ 6:00 pm MDT.
Is Fear Holding You Back?
Tips for How To Face Your Fears
- Identify and Acknowledge Your Fear
- Get to know what you're afraid of.
- Understand it.
- Acknowledge that you are afraid and that it’s okay.
- Mentally Go There
- If you are scared, you are likely focusing on things outside of your control, and you are likely catastrophizing.
- Understand that and mentally go there.
- Picture yourself experiencing the thing that you fear.
- Decide Who You Want to BE In The Face of Your Fear
- This is hard, but explore who you want to be in the face of your fear.
- See yourself BEing that way in the face of your fear.
- Understand why you want to be that way.
- Explore How That Way Of BEing Would Apply To Your Best Case Scenario
- Once you’ve identified who/how you want to be in the worst case scenario, your fear, see how that would serve you in the best case scenario.
- How does this way of being apply to both scenarios?
- Practice BEing The Parent Of Your Dreams
- Now, get back to reality and practice BEing the parent of your dreams.
- This doesn’t make the fear go away, but it gives you a guide for how you want to be.
- This shifts your focus back to the one thing you can control, YOURSELF!
The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is:
Facing Your Fears!
On Monday, October 10th, 2022, @ 6:00 pm MDT, we will be hosting a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters.
We're also going be doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears.
By participating in this training and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card.
Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.
FREE Taming Your Emotional Monsters Training
Tips for How To Stop Over-Thinking and Reprogramming Your Mind
- The Fist Step is awareness.
- The Second Step is to manage your attention.
- The Third Step is to make things simple.
- The Fourth Step is to practice ways of BEING.
- And the Fifth and Final Step is to trust yourself.
The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is:
Facing Your Fears!
On Monday, October 10th, 2022, @ 6:00 pm MDT, we will be hosting a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters.
We're also going be doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears.
By participating in this training and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card.
Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.
FREE Taming Your Emotional Monsters Training
Negotiation is Important
Sometimes I say things that go completely against the grain.
This might be one of those things that might be different from what you've learned.
But I'm going to say it.
Negotiation with your teen IS IMPORTANT!
After years of working with teens. one thing I've learned is that if you try to control too much of their life, they will take back control, sometimes very drastically.
This is why negotiation is so important.
Negotiation is respecting the fact that neither one of you controls the other and making an effort to agree on something that supports the values of both parties.
If you are raising a teenager, I highly recommend that you start mastering the art of negotiating with your teenager.
The Risks of Not Negotiating With Your Teen
First off, I want to be 100% honest and say that there are some things that are NON-NEGOTIABLE with my teen.
These are things that I'm not willing to budge on.
It's okay to have non-negotiables.
Take some time to get to know what those are for you, but everything shouldn't be a non-negotiable, or no one will ever want to negotiate with you.
If you control too many things in your teen's life, you run the risk of them taking control via drastic measures like running away, blatantly breaking rules, self-harming, and even suicide.
Negotiating Will Help You Build Stronger Relationships
There are some serious benefits to negotiating with your teen.
Here are a few of the benefits that I was able to think of:
- Negotiating builds stronger relationships.
- It models powerful communication.
- It models how to understand your values and the values of others.
- It teaches your teen how to put themselves in the shoes of others.
- Negotiating helps you and your teen come up with better solutions.
- It promotes buy-in and ownership.
- Now one likes to be steamrolled.
I seriously believe that better negotiation has the power to improve relationships.
I've seen it improve communication in my own home and how the systems within our home flow with my own children, and especially with our foster children.
You might not be great at negotiating with your teen because you never saw the example of negotiation with your parents.
Often when I teach this to parents, they tell me, "I wish my parents would have done this with me more.
Common Mistakes
When it comes to parent/teen negotiations, one of the most common problems that I see is simply an unwillingness to negotiate.
I often hear parents say that their teen is the one who is unwilling to negotiate.
As a parent myself, I understand that my teen just wants his way. I get it. So, I take it upon myself to find ways to negotiate whenever possible.
This is an area where, if your teen is unwilling to negotiate, I'd invite you to be the change you want to see. Find a way for YOU to negotiate.
Tips for How To Improve Your Negotiation
- Respect your teen and their values
- Know your values and your non-negotiables
- Get your teen's input
- Voice your input
- Explore options with your teen
Join me and my family on a service trip to Mexico!
If you're tired of getting your kids stuff for Christmas that doesn't last, come join me and my family on a service trip to Mexico.
If you want to give the gift of life long memories to your teens and your family, come join us.
Learn More HERE! Come to Mexico with Us!!
On today's episode I discuss how most parents are working from the "Doing" model and how we can "BE" the parents of our dreams if we live in the "BEING" model instead.
Check out the show notes at
FirmlyFoundedParent.com/118
On this episode I talk with Allison about the Best Mom Ever virtual summit she is hosting.
It is all about helping parents create the relationship they dream of with their teenagers.
We're not trying to improve parents. Parents are doing their best. Doing your best is good enough. We want to help parents embrace Growth instead of being fixed as a parent.
Brené Brown - The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting.
It's good for our kids to see our imperfections. They aren't perfect, and neither are we as parents.
Come Learn how to Grow Yourself! And learn how to connect and have the kind of relationship you want with your teen.
Click the link below to sign up.
Best Mom Ever Summit - Sign up Here!
Powerful Communication Principles
- Seek to first understand, then to be understood.
- Listen
- Validate
- Seek to understand their model
- What are their circumstances?
- How do they think?
- How are they feeling?
- What are their actions?
- What are the results they're creating and what results do they want to create?
- Understand your own model.
- Show that you either understand, or that you want to understand.
- Catch and reprogram your automated responses
- Your automated responses are likely to be unintentional,
- Catch it and replace it with an intentional response.
- It helps me to explore different perspective.
- It helps me to explore different driving emotions.
- Tell the whole truth.
- One of the things that kills communication is dishonesty
- Be honest with yourself and others.
- Tell the WHOLE truth, not just the convenient of soft truth.
- Be committed to YOUR relationship with them.
- It's powerful to know that NOTHING you can ever do will change how someone feels towards you.
- Commit to your relationship with your teen, no matter what!
- Your teen just wants to be heard, understood, and to belong.
- Commit to that.
- Speak from a space of service.
- This is a tricky one.
- It's not, "How can I fix you?"
- It's "How can I help you?"
- Seek to first understand, then to be understood.
- Part of communication is being understood.
- We don't want to ignore this.
- How can you make things relevant to your teen.
- How can you make things easier to understand?
Join The Firmly Founded Family!
The doors to the Firmly Founded Family membership are now open!
If you want a happier home, this membership is for you.
If you want to give your teen the gift of having a life coach in their corner, this membership is for you and your teen.
If you want this school year to go better than the last, and your not sure how to best support your teen, this membership is for you.
There's no other membership that we know of that is designed to help both parents and teens.
Inside the membership both you and your teen will get support you need to stop the fighting and struggling and start thriving.
Join The Family Membership TODAY!
STOP Parenting By Other's Rules!
Okay, this is something that's come up in some of my recent 1:1 coaching session, and I wanted to bring this to your attention so you can hopefully STOP Parenting By Other's Rules.
I've seen parents trying to parent according to the rules of their teens, their spouse or ex-spouse, or even their parents or in-laws.
The truth is, we all have "rules" for ourselves and others in the form of expectations, requests and manuals.
If you are playing according to someone else's rules, you're not respecting your own rules and role.
The problem is, if you try to parent according to someone else's rules, you will be unhappy.
You will feel the strain of parenting out of alignment with your values.
Give This Gift To Your Teens
Recently, I've been questioning the rules that I've allowed others to put in my life.
This summer we have let my teen miss family events, church events, and other fun things, all in the name of football.
The coaches told my son that kids who are serious about football don't miss practices.
I've taught my son the importance of making his coaches happy and doing whatever they ask so they'll be more likely to give him playing time.
The problem is, I'm reinforcing these "rules", made up by others with the best of intentions, in the life of my teen.
The problems is, I'm reinforcing the subconscious belief that you need to conform to the rules of others.
I'd rather teach him to live by his own rules.
You can give this gift to your teen by showing the example of living by your own rules.
You can also support them when they want to live by a different set of rules.
It's scary as a parent, to allow your teen to think for themselves and choose what rules they will and will not follow, but imagine how much happier your life would be if you weren't so worried about following other people's rules.
This isn't to say that you can live by what ever rules you want without consequences.
But, you can choose what rules you will play by and what consequences and outcomes you want.
Define YOUR Rules and YOUR Role
If you want to stop parenting according to the rules of others, you'll need to take some time to define your own rules.
The first step is to define your role as a parent.
For me, I'm a teacher, coach, advocate, friend, and example.
That's my job. I gave it to myself. I'm pretty good at it, though I still have room for growth.
You get to define your own role.
Next, start understanding the rules you're willing to live by.
For me, I'm willing to pay my taxes. I go to church most Sundays because I want to. These are some of the rules of others that I'm willing to play by.
Here are some rules that I'm not willing to follow, I'm not willing to work a traditional 9-5 job. I want to set my own rules when it comes to my business rather than following traditional employment rules.
Drop Your Rules For Others
A mother that I recently worked with had a few rules for her son.
- He should love me.
- He should think I'm a good mom.
The problem is, anything you think someone else should do is outside of your control.
So, follow your own rules instead.
- I will love me.
- I will believe that I'm a good mom.
The truth is, when you free people from the expectation to follow your rules, you liberate them and you liberate yourself.
When you quit trying to live by the rules of others, you free up all that energy to be able to live by your own rules.
Amanda Walker is AWESOME!
Amanda is a member of the Firmly Founded Family, expert on the nervous system, and a parenting life coach.
I don't really structure my podcasts guest episodes.
This episode is not different.
The show notes are going to be limited. So, if you want all the good stuff, you're going to have to listen.
Connect with Amanda here:
https://www.wholebrainconnections.com/
Or on Facebook here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/wholebrainconnections
People Connect Through Play
Use play as a tool to connect with your teens.
Find ways to take interest in things that your teen is interested in.
The power of play will bond you to your teen.
This will allow you and your teen to co-regulate.
Play Helps Harness the Power of Your Nervous System
Play helps regulate your nervous system.
Play helps engage your whole brain.
You can co-create things with your teen with play.
Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!
Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 30th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.
It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.
See you there!
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/event
The Biggest Mistake
I get it!
Everyone wants a happy thriving family.
But, most parents make the mistake of focusing on everyone else in their family before they even think about themselves.
The problem is, when you focus on others, you lose power in your own life.
The biggest impact on your family will be to transform your own life.
Stop trying to fix everyone around you and go to work on your own personal growth.
If you want to go from being frustrated and fighting with your teens over screen time, chores, and how you should be more like their friends' parents, focus on these 3 simple things:
- Identity and who YOU want to BE.
- Connection and YOUR relationships with self and others.
- Growth and YOUR personal practice and development.
If you shift your focus to these 3 things, you will find that you have a more clearly defined purpose, deeper relationships with others, and a drive and determination to grow into the person you've always wanted to be.
Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!
Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 30th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.
It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.
See you there!
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/event
You're Not Committed
Have you ever heard the quote, “It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time,.” by Clayton Christensen?
This is the principle of commitment. It's easier to be 100% committed than 98% committed.
If you're struggling to commit, to be committed, work on being committed mentally.
Find your why and commit to it!
You're Not Making Daily Progress
It sounds simple, but momentum builds momentum.
If you're anything like me, one of the things that holds you back from making the changes you want to make is a lack of momentum.
Building momentum is a daily process, and the best way to build momentum is to make daily progress.
If you've been struggling to make the change you want to make, do these 2 simple things:
- Start today and do something small.
- Make a small and simple plan to do it again tomorrow.
You Don't Have The Support You Need
Most people try to create change all on their own.
I get it.
You might be ashamed that you've let yourself get where you are today.
You might not believe that you can make the change you want.
Whatever your reason for doing it alone, you DON'T have to do it alone.
Get the support you need.
Inside of our Firmly Founded Family membership, we've seen countless parents and teens who have tried everything on their own, but once they got the help they needed, change was easy.
When you build a community around you, you get some huge benefits, like:
- Accountability
- Support
- Different Perspectives
- Friends
- Examples of New Possibilities
Get the support you need, and start creating real change in your life.
You're Old Ways Are Benefiting You
We do what we think benefits us.
Your habits and patterns are designed to continue getting you the old benefit that the original action, the start of the habit, once got you.
If you're having a hard time making a change, explore these questions:
- How is this benefiting me?
- What benefit do I get from this?
- Why did I want this benefit?
- How is this no longer benefiting me?
- How would it benefit me to change?
It's Part Of Your Identity
It's really hard to go against your identity.
This is one of the reasons it's so hard for smokers to quit. They identify as "Smokers".
It's easy to identify as your old self or your old habits, but it's not helpful.
Part of what holds you back from making the change you want to make is seeing yourself as you are, or as you used to be, but not being able to see yourself for who you are becoming.
Want to make a powerful change?
Then shift your identity.
Start BEing that dream version of yourself today.
See where you are right now, and create the story in your mind of how it connects to where you want to be.
You're Making It Harder Than It Needs To Be
Sometimes we make change harder than it needs to be.
Explore how the change you want to make can actually be easy.
I've had clients that after exploring how their change could actually be easy found that it actually was easy.
Don't fall into the trap of making your change harder than it has to be simply because it's hard for others, or you thought it would be hard.
Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!
Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 30th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.
It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.
See you there!
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/event
1 You're Not Happy With Yourself As A Parent
This one is huge.
Recently I've had a bunch of parents tell me that they're just not happy as a parent. They feel like they could and should be doing more. They feel like they're failing, and they are miserable.
Okay, maybe miserable is a stretch, but they're not happy.
There are lots of things that can cause unhappiness as a parenting. The important thing to understand is that this isn't "bad" or a problem.
2 You Don't Like Your Teen
Okay, this is another one that I've heard a lot recently. Honestly, what I coach people on often drives my podcast.
You don't have to like your teen.
Not liking your teen doesn't mean that you're a terrible parent.
But, if you're like me, you probably don't like how it feels when you don't like your teen.
Also if you're like me, you probably don't like how you parent when you don't like your teen.
If this is you, and you don't like your teen as much as you'd like, this is simply an indicator of an area for growth.
3 You Feel Like Your Out of Control
If you feel like you're out of control, you're almost certainly trying to control things and others outside of your control.
If you are like many of the parents inside the Firmly Founded Family membership, you are probably guilty of focusing on things outside of your control from time to time.
Good news, the simple reason why is that you are focusing on things outside of your control.
This too is an indication of a potential area of growth.
4 You're Parenting Out of Alignment with Your Core Values
One of my favorite lessons that I teach is on values.
I LOVE understanding how values impact my life, my clients lives, and your life.
If you are unhappy, it's probably because you are out of alignment with your values somewhere.
5 You Can't Communicate with Your Teen
If you and your teen can't communicate, there's a problem. Often times when parents tell me that they can't communicate with their teen, it's because they are trying to avoid a blowup or temper tantrum.
This means you're focusing on things outside of your control.
It's not your job to regulate how your teen thinks, feels, or acts.
Make the effort to communicate with your teen in the way that you feel most comfortable.
For me, it's relaxed, calm, and reassuring.
Even when I'm mad, and we "need to have a tough conversations," I try to be relaxed, calm, and reassuring.
Even if I can't perfectly do that, I still commit to having the conversation.
6 You Constantly Overwhelmed, Stress, and Worried
Overwhelm, stress, and worry will impact all of your relationship, whether it be with your teen, spouse, or friends or family.
If you constantly feel overwhelmed, stressed, and worried, this is an indicator that you have areas of potential growth.
7 You're Not Creating the Results that You Want
Ultimately, if you are not creating the results that you want in your family or in your relationship with your teen, you have room for growth.
Your results will always reflect your way's of BEing. Want better results, up-level your parenting!
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Family Membership!
Start being the parent of your dreams building a rock-solid family TODAY!
Doors to the Firmly Founded Family Membership will be closing soon.
JOIN HERE!
You Don't Have To Be the Victim to Stress
Seems like lately I've seen a lot of posts about stress and anxiety being terrible and traumatic.
Stress gets this terrible wrap, and it seems like most posts talk about the stress response simply being the 4 "F's":
- Fight,
- Flight,
- Freeze, or
- Fawn
But these posts completely ignore all of the other possible responses to stress.
Human beings are capable of so many other options when it come to stress response.
Stress has gotten a bad wrap for years.
I remember learning in college that "Stress is a silent killer."
One college class taught that I needed to minimize, manage, and avoid stress.
The problem, we live in a world were people, parents, and teens are doing everything in their power to avoid stress.
What If Stress Isn't A Problem?
I want you to think about some of the greatest people that you know, . . .
. . . people who have really accomplished something and had a powerful impact in the world and possible in your life . . .
. . . people who really inspire and impress you . . .
Then think about this, . . .
- What is so wonderful about them?
- What about them has impacted/inspired you?
- Have they experienced stress?
- How did they respond to stress?
The current narrative around stress and anxiety makes it sound like stress equals "game over" or that it's time to stop doing what you're doing.
This narrative gives stress debilitating power to hold you back and limit your growth.
Recently, I watched a documentary about Steve Young, the legendary BYU and 49er quarterback.
Most of his college career was extremely stressful, then in the NFL he was engaged in a stressful and heated quarterback controversy with Joe Montana.
He mentioned how this stress pushed him to try harder, to learn new things, and to become more than he would have without the stress.
There are countless stories about the power of stress from professional athletes to movie stars, powerful leaders, to people in your own life who you look up to.
What if stress isn't the problem?
What if stress is the answer?
Stress Can Make You Stronger
Recently I read an article that stated that stress isn't actually bad, it's the perception that stress is bad that makes it so harmful.
When you look at professional athletes, they regularly subject their physical bodies to physical stress to get bigger and stronger.
The professional athletes who go down in the history books the GOATS, are part of the most stressful high pressure games, and they thrive.
Just like professional athletes, your stressors can be the mental and emotional workout that makes you mentally and emotionally stronger.
Some of the greatest figures in world history were the product of very stressful lives.
Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years. He was subjected to a lot of stress, and this helped him become the man he was, and a global leader.
Stop lookin at stress as a problem, and start looking at it as an opportunity.
Options for a Better Stress Response...Check them out at https://firmlyfoundedparent.com/106
Distractions 101
It's human nature to be easily distracted.
In fact, distractions aren't necessarily all that bad.
It reminds me of this dumb game that my kids play. They pretend to punch each other in the face, and if the other child flinches, the first child says, "two for flinching" and slugs them in the shoulder twice.
Flinching isn't bad. It's a protective reflex.
Being distracted isn't bad, it's part of our human nature to always be on the lookout. To always be looking for the next amazing thing.
The problem is when our distractions run our lives.
The problem is when our distractions put us in a hyper-reactionary mode.
The problem is that our distractions aren't likely to create the dreams of our lives.
It's Not Just Your Teen!
One of the things that I'm noticing with a lot of parents is they they are worried about how distracted their teens have become.
Parents tell me things like:
- "They're always looking at their phones or social media."
- "They only think about their friends."
or - "They don't even notice what's going on in the real world."
Now, let me share with you what teens are telling me about their parents:
- "They're always looking at their phones or social media."
- "They only think about their work."
or - "They don't even now what it's going on in the real world."
Are You Driven By Distracted
Everything and everyone seems to be fighting for a little slice of our attention.
Everything is trying to be the loudest, brightest, most shocking thing, just to get our attention.
What is distracting you?
For me it's things like the Will Smith Slap or the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial.
Sometimes it's my kids grades or games on my phone.
What are you being distracted from?
Often I'm distracted from uncomfortable emotions or things that I don't want to do.
How is distraction benefitting you?
It might be relaxing. It might be easier than doing something hard.
What is distraction costing you?
Sometimes it costs me relationships, my dreams, and my future.
Distraction Leads to Reaction
I Googled the opposite of distraction and this is what I found.
The Opposite of Distraction is Traction. Traction is an action that moves us towards what we really want.
If we dig into this we see that "traction" is an intentional action or (DOing).
Distraction is keeping you from being intentional.
Distraction leads to reaction.
Let go of distractions so you can be more intentional.
Your Distractions Program you and Define Your Reality
Advertisement, media, television and social media are all distractions.
These distractions are trying to program us to purchase their products.
Identify What distractions are keeping you from your desired results?
Distractions can keep you from having the relationship that you want.
Distractions will keep you from BEing who you want to be.
Distractions will keep you from connecting with your family.
Distractions will keep you from growing.
Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!
Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 29th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.
It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.
See you there!
https://firmlyfounded.com/event
Regulating Emotions
It's important for teens to learn how to regulate their emotions.
Teens have the power to regulate.
Teens Need Their Privacy when Getting Coached
There's no right or wrong way to coach.
It's important to give teens privacy and let them be vulnerable.
Teen Work Benefit from Working On What They Want To Work On
Teens need the freedom to work on things that are important to them.
They will learn powerful skill in areas that are important to them, than they can also apply in all areas of their life.
Let teens start building on their strengths.
Recommended Components
Want to Connect with Cynthia Coufal?
https://www.betterregulatethannever.com/ (website)
https://www.betterregulatethannever.com/podcast (podcast)
https://www.betterregulatethannever.com/2free
Why Do Family Meetings?
Increased communication
Plan Activities
Address Problems
Give Family Members a Voice
Model/Teach Leadership and Communication Skills
Get people on the same team
Common Mistakes
Not respecting the opinions, thoughts, views, and values of others,
Trying to change others.
Lecturing/Arguing
Not having a clear purpose
Giving away your power
Recommended Components
- Clear Purpose and Intention
- Tackle just one topic
- Come to the meeting with an idea of where you want the meeting to go.
- Invite All To Participate/Have a Voice/Vote
- Everyone is invited to share and be heard.
- Everyone gets to vote.
- Value Driven/Respect/Understand other's Values Might Be Different
- Understand what your values are
- Seek to understand what your teen's values are.
- Reinforce values.
- Critical Concepts
- We like to reinforce concepts like:
- Fairness
- Concerned
- Effective
- Enjoyable/Fun
- Advantages and Disadvantages
- Explore as a family what possible advantages and disadvantages are.
- Define the pros and cons.
- Positive and Negative Consequences
- What might some positive consequences be?
- What might some negative consequences be?
- How can you reinforce the outcome with positive and negative consequences.
- Keep it Simple and Short
- Keep these meetings between 15 to 20 minutes.
- You know your family best, end before people lose attention.
- Reward People for Participating
- We like to do a desert or an activity to help motivate our family to participate.
- Make it fun and rewarding.
- Practice at the Top and the Bottom of the Wheel
- Be willing to practice this many times.
- Do family meetings about fun topics to build the habit before tackling tough topics.
Join our Family!
Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.
You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.
Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent?
Join now while the doors are open. They close again on June 5th.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent
Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?
Join now while the doors are open.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen
What Is Bravery?
Bravery is facing your fear.
Bravery is a choice.
The world would have you believe that bravery means the absence fear, but I believe bravery is facing your fear and BEing intentional.
Like, brave people don't experience fear, but this isn't true.
Brave people experience fear, just like you, but they have mastered the skill of BEing intentional in the face of their fear.
Bravery Requires Fear
Fear is not the enemy.
In fact, fear is a required emotion for bravery and courage.
BEing brave actually increases your emotional health because it requires that you experience, identify, and process emotions.
One of the most powerful things that you can do as a parent is to lean into your fear and choose to be brave.
This will show your teen a powerful example of BEing brave, of being intentional in the face of uncomfortable emotion.
How Fear Affects You As a Parent
Through the years that I’ve coached parents and teens, I’ve noticed a few things about fear.
NOBODY likes how they behave when they’re being driven by fear.
NOBODY!
When you parent from a place of fear, your brain goes into overdrive to find all the things that you “should” be scared of.
If you’re like me, fear makes you more controlling, less trusting, and it shifts your focus from things within your control to things outside of your control.
How To Manage Your Parenting Fears
- Identify and Acknowledge Your Fear
- Get to know what your afraid of.
- Understand it.
- Acknowledge that you are afraid and that it’s okay.
- Mentally Go There
- If you are scared, you are likely focusing on things outside of your control, and you are likely catastrophizing.
- Understand that and mentally go there.
- Picture yourself in the experiencing the thing that you fear.
- Decide Who You Want to BE In The Face of Your Fear
- This is hard, but explore, who you want to be in the face of your fear.
- See yourself BEing that way in the face of your fear.
- Understand why you want to be that way.
- Explore How That Way Of BEing Would Apply To Your Best Case Scenario
- Once you’ve identified who/how you want to be in the worst case scenario, your fear, see how that would serve you in the best case scenario.
- How does this way of being apply to both scenarios?
- Practice BEing The Parent Of Your Dreams
- Now, get back to reality and practice BEing the parent of your dreams.
- This doesn’t make the fear go away, but it gives you a guide for how you want to be.
- This shifts your focus back to the one thing you can control, YOURSELF!
Join our Family!
Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.
You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.
Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent?
Join now while the doors are open. They close again on June 5th.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent
Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?
Join now while the doors are open.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen
Mental and Emotional Health Go Hand In Hand
May is mental health month, so I keep seeing lots of posts about mental health.
I wanted to take a minute and share my thoughts on this.
I believe that mental and emotional health go hand in hand. Without one, you cannot have the other.
If you want to strengthen one, you'll have to strengthen the other.
If you strengthen one, you'll strengthen the other.
Mental and Emotional Health go together like the chicken and the egg.
You can't really separate them.
What is Mental Health
I believe mental health is something that EVERYONE has! It's kind of like physical health, if you're alive, you've got it to some extent.
Just like physical health, there are things you can do to improve your mental health.
First, here's how I define mental health.
Mental health is your ability to be aware of your thinking and to be intentional with how you think.
That's it!
You are not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts!
As the thinker, you have the power to
What Is Emotional Health
I define emotional health as the ability to experience any and ALL emotions and to be able to identify and process them.
One of the problems that I see is when people label emotions as "good" of "bad", often it's positive or negative.
The problem with this is that it sends the wrong message, that negative or "bad" emotions should be avoided, and that positive emotions or the only good ones.
The truth is, that humans are designed to feel a wide range of emotions.
It's empowering to know that feeling anxiety or anger doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, in fact, it means you have some emotional health because you are experiencing an emotion.
How to Strengthen Your Mental and Emotional Health
I know I sound like a broken record, but the most powerful thing you can do to help your teen strengthen their mental or emotional health is to strengthen your own.
You can show them the example of being someone who's aware of their thoughts and intentional when it comes to their thoughts.
You can be the example of allowing any and all emotions and identifying and processing the emotion.
Share The Love!
One of the most powerful things you can do to change from the inside out is to share your growth and experience with others.
By BEing the change you want to see, you will start to inspire others.
Share your wins.
Share your growth.
Share your successes.
Share your resources and tools.
BE the example of what is possible when it comes to parenting.
CALL TO ACTION
Join my free Be the Change training starting next week. It will all be happening on my Be the Change Challenge Facebook Group to know when I go live.
JOIN BE THE CHANGE FB GROUP!
You Are The Most Powerful Agent Of Change
This might come as a surprise to you, but you are the most powerful agent of change for your family.
You are a hero!
You have the power to change EVERYTHING in your family, just by changing yourself.
If you are listening to the podcast, you are probably looking for growth and some kind of change in your family, your parenting, or your teen.
I'm here to tell you that YOU have the power to change your whole entire world!
This is not what the world tells you.
Not The Norm For Our Day
This is not the message that is being told in our world today. The world and society today would have you believe that it's your job to change OTHERS, instead of being the change.
This is we we see so much blame and shaming right now.
This is why so many people feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and scared, because their focus is on things outside of their control.
This is okay!
It's not our job to change the world.
They don't know any better, and they are doing their best.
But, I believe that the world will change when YOU do!
That's why I'm doing my best to BE the change that I want to see.
BE The Change You Wish To See
Anytime you catch yourself wanting to change someone else, ask yourself, "How can I be the change I'm looking for?"
For me, when I ask myself this, it's often things like, "I can be kinder," "I can speak kinder," "I can listen better," or "I can be more accepting."
YOU can be the change you are looking for!
This will position you as the hero.
No more waiting for someone else to change or wishing they'd be different.
You can take the energy used trying to change someone else and use that for yourself in BEing the change you want to see.
Changing From the Inside Out
There's something magical that starts to happen when you start to be responsible for your own change.
You have more energy to put towards being the best version of yourself.
You start to change, and things around you start to change too!
Recently a mom, after working with me one time, on our second call told me how different things are in her home.
She realized that her teen is doing his best. She started appreciating the effort that he was putting forth. She felt increased love, kindness, and acceptance towards him, and he's trying harder in their home.
This is called Changing from the inside out!
Most people are trying to change things on the outside so they can feel better on the inside.
I want to challenge you to be the change, and trust that change to work from the inside out.
Share The Love!
One of the most powerful things you can do to change from the inside out is to share your growth and experience with others.
By BEing the change you want to see, you will start to inspire others.
Share your wins.
Share your growth.
Share your successes.
Share your resources and tools.
BE the example of what is possible when it comes to parenting.
What is Neurocontrast and Neurodivergent?
Neurodivergent is the opposite of neurotypical, often adhd, odd, dyslexia a diagnosis of some type.
Neurocontrast is a little more inclusive. Everyone's brain is different.
Learning is Learning, and Your Teen IS Learning
Everyone's brain develops differently. We learn at different speeds. We learn different things at different times.
Your teen is learning, whether you see it or not.
Crystal lets her kids learn to read when they are ready and interested.
Development happens at different stages. Let your teens learn when they are ready.
The human brain can't help but learn and grow! And it learns what it sees as the priority first.
Learning happens naturally. You don't have to make it happen.
It's Not "Misbehavior" Kids are Always Doing Their Best
When we can see that our kids are doing their best, it changes how we parent.
When we can show our kids that they are learning, and they are doing their best, and that is good enough.
Your teen's behavior is just communication. What are they trying to tell you? What's the root cause?
Build a Connection
When you have a connection with your teen, you can model the behavior that you want your teen to learn.
Shift your focus from what you can't control, and focus on what you can control, your relationship with your teen.
Think of your favorite teacher. The reason you liked them is because you had a relationship with them.
This is what your teen is looking for.
Believe it or not, you teen want's you to connect with them.
Connect with your teen as they are rather than trying to connect as you want them to be.
Common Mistakes When Setting Boundaries
I'm not trying to judge you or how you set boundaries. I'm just trying to share some of the common pitfalls that I've noticed parents often make when trying to set boundaries.
Usually, the only reason I would call it a "mistake" is that it doesn't create the results that they are looking for.
- MISTAKE:
Setting boundaries to control your teen. - SECRET TIP:
Shift your focus from your teen (something outside of your control) to what you can control, how you will respond. - MISTAKE:
Setting boundaries to get your teen to change or do something different. - SECRET TIP:
Again, this is focused on changing your teen or getting them to do something different, both outside of your control. It's better to focus on what YOU CAN CONTROL, you and how you will think, feel, and act. - MISTAKE:
Trying to be "COOL" and setting no boundaries. - SECRET TIP:
Don't worry about being cool. Sometimes your teen will not like your boundaries, and that's okay! - MISTAKE:
Making boundaries super complicated. - SECRET TIP:
The best boundaries are simple and clear. - MISTAKE:
Setting boundaries without even attempting to get your teen's input or getting them on board. - SECRET TIP:
When possible give your teen a voice. Give them the opportunity to chime in and help make the boundaries even better. - MISTAKE:
Setting boundaries out of anger and/or fear. - SECRET TIP:
Fear and anger rarely help you be the parent of your dreams. Love, curiosity, gratitude, and hope tend to help parents be more like that totally awesome version of themselves that they imagined back when they were teens. Try setting boundaries out of love, curiosity, gratitude, and hope.
Boundaries are Important for YOU and YOUR TEEN!
Sometimes boundaries aren't fun. Brené Brown boundaries as a "parenting sacrifice, or is [the] the process by which we make family sacred?
Be willing to do this process.
How you set and hold boundaries will give your teens an example of how to set and hold boundaries.
Boundaries will give your teen structure, safety, and the power to exercise their own choices.
Boundaries will give you structure, safety, and a guide for how you want to parent in the face of your teen's choices.
Boundaries will improve your relationship with your teen.
Join our Herd!
Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.
You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.
Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent?
Join now while the doors are open.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent
Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?
Join now while the doors are open.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen
Sorry for the short show notes again, but I'm still recovering from Covid-19 and I didn't plan this episode ahead of time.
Stefanie, Real Life Parent from FFP
The Firmly Founded Parent teaches things that are different than what the world would have you believe.
The world would teach you that "It's your job to control your teen," but we teach that it's NOT your job to control your teen.
It's your job to control yourself!
It's your job to manage your mind, your emotions, and your actions.
Wanting Coaching vs "Needing" Coaching
You don't "need" coaching, you want coaching.
Needing coaching comes from a place of shame.
Wanting coaching comes from a place of desire and hope.
You Are Doing Better Than You Think!
You are a good parent! You are doing exactly what you should be doing as a parent.
The world tells us that we should do parenting one "right" way. You get to parent your own way.
You are on your own hero's journey.
Grow into being the parent of your dreams.
Join our Herd!
Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.
You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.
Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent? The doors open again on Monday (APRIL 25)
Join while the doors are open.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent
Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?
Join while the doors are open.
https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen
Sorry for the shortest show notes ever, but I've got Covid-19 and a killer headache.
What You CAN and CAN NOT Control
It's not your job to ensure your child's safety, happiness, or success.
This is hard when it comes to self-harm and suicide. We tend to think that we need to protect our children. At the end of the day, we can only do what is within our control.
We cannot control whether our children self-harm. We cannot control how our children think or feel.
We can only control our own thoughts, feelings, and actions
Who's Going To Take Care of YOU?
No one can take care of you for you.
The better you manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions, the more impact you will have on your teen's life.
You can be the change that you want to see in your teen. This will help give you purpose and perspective. You don't have to change, control, or fix your teen.
Sara Visser and Her Retreat!
If you'd like to learn more about Sara and her work you can visit her at:
https://www.findhopecoaching.com/
If you'd like to learn more about her retreat in May 2022, you can learn more at:
https://findhopecoaching.org/
Imperfection Is Part of Being Human
One of the things that I see all the time with both my teen clients and my parent clients is frustration about not being "better."
If you're like many of my clients, you have been frustrated with yourself for not being "better."
Maybe you yelled at your teen, and you wish you could go back in time and unsay some of the things you said.
Maybe you didn't handle a situation with your spouse exactly how you wanted to, or maybe you made a mistake and you're having to live with the consequences.
WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!
No one is perfect. That is part of being human.
Being imperfect is part of being a parent.
So now what?
Your Best IS Good Enough!
I want to help you trust that your best IS good enough.
In fact, it's better than good enough. It's all that's possible, ever.
And, it's PERFECT!
That's right, your imperfect parenting is PERFECT for what you and your child need.
So, carry on! Keep doing your best!
Own it! Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and continue on!
I'm Not Perfect, So Now What?
Okay, so we've established that being human means that you're not going to be perfect.
So, now what?
Below, I'm going to share 3 simple things to do when you find yourself being less than "perfect."
#1 Acceptance, Gratitude, and Love
My childhood wasn't "perfect", but it was EXACTLY what I needed.
I've made TONS of mistakes in my life, but it turns out those mistakes were EXACTLY what I needed to become me.
In fact, without the exact childhood that I had or all of my mistakes, I wouldn't be who I am today.
If you're like me, you wouldn't be who you are today without the exact childhood that you had.
There's no going back and changing or "fixing" your childhood or undoing your mistakes.
So, you might as well accept it and be grateful for how it's helped you become the parent you are today.
It can be hard to accept our imperfections and mistakes.
It can be even harder to be grateful for our imperfections and mistakes.
But I want to invite you to connect with yourself Right Where You Are! Imperfections and all.
As you develop the skill of accepting yourself as you are, it will be easier to show yourself some gratitude. With gratitude for yourself, it will be easier to show yourself love and kindness.
You have always done your best. You are still doing your best!
And, that's perfect!
#2 Improve Your Best
One of the things that I've noticed as a football coach is that your best at the beginning of the season looks a lot different than your best at the end of the season.
After one season of football, I've seen kids grow physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I've seen kids grow in their skills and abilities.
You can do the same thing!
Your best today won't look like your best in a year from now, especially after listening to the podcast, joining the membership, and practicing all of these amazing skills.
Don't compare yourself to others and don't compare yourself with this mythical "perfect" version of you.
Just give your best today and continue the work of improving your best.
#3 Enjoy the Process!
This one is very important, and it's one that lots of parents forget.
Enjoy the process.
There's nothing wrong with starting right where you are right now. It's okay that it might take you some time.
Embrace the process and find ways to enjoy it.
In my experience as a football coach, the best football players are the ones who enjoy the process of working to be their best.
On the other hand, the players who constan
No Matter What I Do, My Teen Won't Change
One of the things that I hear a lot is, "We've tried EVERYTHING, and nothing we do works."
To which I usually ask, "How do you know nothing is working?"
And the parents typically replay, "My teen won't change."
If you've ever thought that "nothing is working" when it comes to your teens, it's probably because you are focused on changing your teen.
My favorite question that I often get from parents is, "My teen won't change, now what?"
The reason I like that question so much is because it typically means that they've tried changing their teen, they've realized that they can't change their teen, and they want to know what they CAN do.
If this is you, and you're starting to realize that you can't change your teen, and you're left wondering, "Now what!?!" this podcast is for you.
Where Is Your Attention?
One of the reasons that I like this question is because it reflects a shift in attention. It shows that the parents are willing to shift their attention from changing their teen to something else, "Now what?"
Most parents get stuck fixating their attention on the behavior of their teen. They catastrophize about all the things that are going "wrong" and the scary worst-case scenarios that are possible.
If you want to change your teen, your attention is on something that you can't control, your teen.
But, when you ask "Now what?" you shift your attention to new possibilities.
"Now What?" has limitless possibilities.
Often, when parents come to me asking, "Now what?" there is a sense of desperation.
They feel like they've tried everything, that nothing works, and their desperation positions them to be willing to explore new options.
So, Now What?
First of all, don't beat yourself up for not being able to change, fix, or control your teen.
It's not your job. You don't have the power to change, fix, or control your teen.
You haven't done anything wrong, so please show yourself some compassion.
And second, take all of that energy that you were spending on your teen and spend it on you.
That's right, let go of the things outside of your control and embrace the things that you can control yourself.
For some parents, this looks like letting your teen be grumpy, depressed, and unhappy, and shifting your focus from making them happy to being happy yourself.
For some parents it looks like exploring ways that you can be the change that you want for your teen.
For example, one of the things that parents ask all the time is, "How can I help my teen be more confident?"
My answer is usually, "How can you be the change you're looking for? How can you be more confident? How can you be more confident in your teen?"
Bottom line is, there are countless things that you can do, EVEN if your teen isn't willing to do anything different.
Simply ask yourself the question, "Now what?" and go with whatever you come up with.
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership! It's better than ever!
JOIN HERE!
Parenting From Fear
Parenting from fear is common for parents, and it's a symptom of focusing on things outside of your control. When we do this, we typically catastrophize and see all the things that could go wrong.
Theresa was afraid that her teen would be arrested. She was worried that he'd be behind bars and "ruin" his life.
This caused Theresa to yell and try to control her teen.
She thought that she needed to fix him and protect him from himself.
Parenting From Shame
It's also common to parent from shame and worry about what others are thinking about you. This is another symptom of focusing on things outside of your control
Theresa believed that others were thinking that she was a terrible mother and that it was her job to fix her teen.
If you are experiencing shame as a parent, it's likely because you are worried about what others think about you.
Also, if you worry that you aren't good enough, or if you worry that you are somehow ruining your teen, this will cause feelings of shame and inadequacy.
Made Small Simple Shifts In the Beginning
When Theresa shifted her mindset, she was able to change how she behaved towards him. Making these simple things helped her stop yelling at her teen. It helped her better connect with her teen.
Everything Changed When her Mindset Changed
When Theresa realized that she didn't have to catastrophize, she was able to realize that there were benefits to her son's behavior. Though she didn't agree with him selling vapes, she was able to find peace in the thought that he was learning business skills.
Changing from The Inside Out
When you start managing your own thoughts, you start changing on the inside.
When Theresa started BEing the change, the change rippled out and impacted her teen.
Theresa's growth and change are a reflection of the growth and change that Theresa experienced.
When we change on the INSIDE, our outside environment changes to match our frequency.
Harness Your Energy
Stop focusing on things outside of your control and focus on what you can control. Use that energy to be the BEST version of you that you can possibly be.
When you refocus your attention, you can use that energy to change your thought patterns and start thinking in a more powerful way.
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!
JOIN HERE!
Awareness, Acceptance, and Intentionality
Have you ever been dissatisfied and launched into action to try to fix it?
I'm going on a diet. I'm starting an exercise program. I'm getting a new job. I'm getting a coach.
These are all examples of launching into DOING new or more or different things.
The problem is, if you haven't gained awareness and acceptance, you're basically throwing darts in the dark.
Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
Gaining awareness, acceptance, and intentionality will help you level up your consciousness.
Observer Effect
In science, there's a phenomenon called The Observer Effect.
Basically, scientists noticed that by simply observing an experiment, it changed the outcome.
By simply observing things in your life, awareness, you can completely change your outcomes.
Observation is a powerful tool when it comes to awareness.
Position yourself as an observer and start watching and being aware of what's going on in your life.
Awareness and the Self-Coaching Model
I love using the Self-Coaching Model from Brooke Castillo to help me develop awareness.
Acceptance Is Necessary
Sometimes when you gain awareness, it's tempting to want to launch right into intention and to change everything that you've found that you don't like.
You might find that once you have better awareness, you don't like what you find. This might lead to shame and disappointment.
The key is to accept what you find.
It's okay. Nothing has gone wrong.
If you cannot accept where you are and what you've learned from awareness, it's because of your own judgments about it.
Intention Is Power
Once you've gained awareness, and once you've accepted what you've found, you can now move into intention.
Most people live in a reactionary state. This is one of the things that keeps parents stuck when it comes to BEing the parent of their dreams. They are so busy reacting and putting out fires that they don't have any mental and emotional bandwidth to be intentional.
The goal is to be intentional with our energy and to do the important things that are not urgent.
Sure, there will still be some urgent and important things that come up, but as you become more intentional, you will find that you have fewer fires to put out.
The BE-DO-HAVE Model
You'll find that as you develop awareness and acceptance, and move forward with intentionality, you will find it easier to operate from the BE-DO-HAVE Model.
Typically, when you try to parent from a place of ignorance rather than awareness, you try to focus more on the DOING.
When you try to parent from a place of judgment rather than acceptance, you tend to focus more on the HAVING.
When you follow the simple pattern of First Awareness, Second Acceptance, and Third Intention, it shifts your focus to your BEING.
The Power of Awareness, Acceptance, and Intentionality
One of the things that I've found is that this simple process of awareness, acceptance, and intentionality makes life easier as a parent.
It positions you as the hero rather than the victim. It will help to be responsible for your results rather than blaming or accusing others.
This will help you be more intentional about how you think, feel, and act, rather than simply reflecting the thoughts, feelings, and actions of those around you.
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!
JOIN HERE!
The World Thinks We Need To Better Love OTHERS
It seems like there's a lot of talk of loving one another or simply loving others, but I believe it starts with your ability to love yourself.
Most People Ignore Their Self Love
If you don't love yourself, it makes it hard to love others.
Most people completely ignore their own self-love and focus on whether or not others love them.
You don't have to "make" others love you.
Loving yourself is not Narcisistic
Loving yourself doesn't mean that you are better than others.
Loving yourself means having your own back.
I'm going to own all of me.
Loving yourself is not comparing yourself to others.
Loving yourself by choosing NOT to compare yourself to others is the best way.
Why is It Important To Avoid Comparisons
Comparison creates frustration.
Even when you compare others with others, it puts your focus on things outside of your control.
When you compare yourself to others, it likely leads to unhappiness.
When we compare ourselves, we don't hold compassion.
When we compare others, we don't hold compassion.
Comparing yourself to others is natural human behavior.
Teach your teen to not compare themselves to others start by not comparing yourself to others.
Create A Love List
What do you love about yourself?
Come up with 5 things that you love about yourself.
Teach your brain to find things that you love about yourself.
Most people focus on the things that they don't love about themselves.
Everyone has unique strengths, talents, and gifts.
Love yourself for what you love about yourself, not what the world loves about you.
Sometimes we don't even notice our strengths.
Practice finding your strengths and loving yourself for who you are!
What the world need now is LOVE
Love yourself. Our current social status is a reflection of our inner love. Learn how to love yourself.
Explore, How Can I Love Myself More?
Firmlyfounded.com/selflove
The more you love yourself, the more easily you will be able to love others.
If you lack self-confidence, it's because you lack self-love.
When you love yourself, you can trust yourself to be yourself!
Call to ACTION!
Download the FREE 5 Step PDF to Start Loving Yourself More!
Start Loving YOU!
What holds Parents Back?
DOing things "Right."
There's no right or wrong way from parenting.
SO many different ways.
"I'm going to try this . . . "
Trust that you are doing things exactly how they should be.
Being afraid of doing it wrong will paralyze you. This leads to disappointment and regret.
The "Wrong Way" Can Totally Be the "Right Way!"
No matter what, you can turn tough parenting moments into powerful parenting moments.
You don't have to be perfect.
Just do your best!
Wanting Your Teen To Like You
I don't know if my teen likes me or not. I'm just going to make sure that I like them.
This will help you make better choices.
Remind yourself that you've never done this before.
You can't control whether or not your teen likes you.
Parenting Ways of Being
Wanting to BE "Right" will disconnect you with your teen.
BEing the learner will help to connect you.
My Kid is a Great Kid, AND . . .
Helps you realize that nothing has gone wrong.
My teen can fail math, AND they can still be successful.
My teen can have a messy room, AND it's okay.
This will help you limit catastrophizing.
What to Hear More From Heidi
You can listen to Heidi's Podcast "Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen" by clicking the link below:
https://heidibenjaminsen.com/podcast/
You can check out her website here:
https://heidibenjaminsen.com/
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!
JOIN HERE!
Day 1 The Origin of The Hero
Day one was the scariest day for me.
I've spoken in public many times, but this time was different, it was in front of hundreds of teenagers.
At most, we probably only spoke to about 200-250 students at a time, but that's a lot of teens.
The goal was to share a message that was fun and entertaining, yet educational and motivating, and from each period we wanted to get about 10 to 20 students to signup for our 4-day boot camp.
It was amazing to speak to this many students, and it was fun to see the students that were really catching the message, and they were excited to join the boot camp.
The message was basically that it's easy to live the life of a sidekick but way more fulfilling to live life as your own hero.
We shared the message of me accidentally lighting my school bus on fire which really hooked a lot of the kids and shared how, even if you make mistakes, you can still become a hero.
Every good hero has a good origin story.
No matter what your past looks like, you can start being your own hero TODAY!
Day 2 Hero Thoughts vs Sidekick Thoughts
Day 2 was a lot of fun. This is where we met with the 10-25 kids that signed up with us from the day before and we taught them the difference between facts and stories and the difference between hero thoughts and sidekick thoughts.
Day 3 Managing Tough Emotions
On day 3 we taught about managing tough emotions.
We taught that emotions can't hurt you and that allowing them is better than avoiding, resisting, or ignoring them.
Day 4 Let Your Hero Be Your Guide
Day four was my favorite, and by the responses that we got from the students, day four was by far the fan favorite.
On this day we taught that you are responsible for yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, and your results.
We taught about hero thoughts vs. sidekick thoughts and how we have thoughts that don't really help us to be the person we want to be. We taught that you can choose which thoughts you listen to and let guide your life.
Day 5 "To Be Honest, It's Like The Avengers, But In School!"
Day 5 we closed with Joey's story of the crow and how, now that the students know how to fly, it's important to intentionally fly rather than simply going back to their old ways.
We also asked had a discussion about the things they learned and how they hope to apply those things to their lives.
Most of the students LOVED the week-long boot camp.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the students in their exit survey responses.
- "To be honest it's like the Avengers, but in a school."
- "It's magical you have to go and see yourself."
- "This bootcamp is a hands on experience that helps you control your emotions."
- "The best experience I have had in middle school."
- "The lead your life boot camp is a really peaceful place where you can feel open to be your self."
- "I would describe it as a place to help find the superhero in you and help you control your life."
- "Thank you so much Ben and Joey. I feel like I became more aware that I'm in control of my emotions and my life."
Seriously, it was magical!
Are You Interested In Attending a Workshop With Your Teen?
So, Joey and I want to ask you one question.
Would you and your teen be interested in attending a live workshop with us, where we'd do exciting activities that make learning fun?
If yes, please go fill out our interest survey!
All this interest survey does is help us know if this is something that parents and teens would be interested in, and if yes, it will help us make it magical.
It also puts you on a list to be the first to know if we decide to make this happen.
Most People Move Away From Fear
It's natural as human beings to want to move away from fear.
Fear is usually uncomfortable, and most humans try to move away from and avoid discomfort.
In the past, moving away from fear served us very well, both as a species and also individually.
As a species, moving away from scary animals and circumstances helped keep our species alive.
As individuals, avoiding scary things has helped keep you comfortable and safe.
Avoiding scary situations is a natural response.
Fear Isn't Always Bad
Fear isn't always bad. Having a healthy fear for things that could harm you keeps you safe. Fear has the power to paralyze and the power to make you run.
Fear can also help you grow. It's often, as we go through fear, that we grow the most.
Things Are Rarely As Bas As You Fear
One of the things that makes human beings special is our ability to imagine and dream.
This is seriously one of our greatest strengths, but it is also one of our greatest weaknesses.
With this ability comes the ability to catastrophize.
If you're like me, you are a fantastic catastrophizer. You can see hundreds of ways that things could go wrong, and it's super scary.
So, we spend tons of our energy and attention avoiding the thing that we are scared of.
How Fear Affects You As a Parent
Through the years that I've coached parents and teens, I've noticed a few things about fear.
NOBODY likes how they behave when they're being driven by fear.
NOBODY!
In a conversation with one of my teen clients, he explained that when he is driven by fear, he holds back. This affects him on the basketball court, in his relationships with friends (especially cute girls), and in life in general.
In a recent conversation with one of my parent clients, she explained that when she is driven by fear she tries to control things outside of her control. This has a negative effect on her relationship with her children, with her spouse, and it completely changes how she parents.
When you parent from a place of fear, your brain goes into overdrive to find all the things that you "should" be scared of.
If you're like me, fear makes you more controlling, less trusting, and it shifts your focus from things within your control to things outside of your control.
Fear Is The Answer?
One of the things that I've been noticing with both the parents and teens that I work with is that their fears are actually the answer.
If you're like most parents that I work with, you have some fears about your teens.
"Are they okay?" "Will they be okay?" "What if they . . . ?"
How To Manage Your Parenting Fears
- Identify and Acknowledge Your Fear
- Mentally Go There
- Decide Who You Want to BE In The Face of Your Fear
- Explore How That Way Of BEing Would Apply To Your Best Case Scenario
- Practice BEing The Parent Of Your Dreams
Call to ACTION!
Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!
JOIN HERE!
Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect With Them!
If you're like the parents I work with, you want a better relationship with your teen.
Me too!
In fact, I want to help as many parents as I can to create better relationships with their teens.
The problem is, . . .
. . . If you're like most parents, you want your teens to connect with you . . .
. . . BUT, your teen wants YOU to connect with them!
And, what ends up happening looks a lot like this.
You try to get your teen to change, (get better grades, be more honest, be happier, be more obedient, be less anxious) so you guys can have a better relationship, and your teen tries to get you to change (be less controlling, change your values and opinions, and leave them alone) so you guys can have a better relationship.
This looks slightly different in every home, but this often leads to arguing, fighting, yelling, avoiding each other, and/or throwing your hands up and giving up.
The secret is this . . .
You can't change your teen . . .
. . . BUT . . .
. . . YOU can BE The Change!
YOU can connect with them, right where they are.
This is the BEST news ever!
Restore The Balance (Or Even Tip the Scales In Your Favor)
Over the years that I've been coaching parents and teens, I've noticed that there's a balance that is at play with our relationships.
There are things that will connect you with your teens and there are things that will disconnect you from your teens.
Here are a few things that will disconnect you from your teen:
- Distrust
- Correction
- Trying to control them
- Feeling fear, doubt, and worry
- Catastrophizing (looking for the worst possible . . . )
- Focusing on your differences
- Disaproving of their differences
- Trying to change or fix them
Here are a few things that will connect you to your teen:
- Trust them
- Learn from them
- Teach them
- Feel confidence, hope, and love
- Optimizing (looking for all the best possible . . . )
- Focusing on your similarities
- Value their differences
- Accepting them
- Appreciating them
The problem is, if you're struggling to connect with your teen, it's likely because the balance is tipped in favor of disconnection.
You have the power to bring balance back to your relationship.
In fact, you have the power to completely tip the scales in your favor.
You don't have to be perfect. There will be times when you don't trust your teen. There might even be times when you don't like your teen, but you always have the power to balance the scales.
Connect Just To Connect
One of the biggest things that holds parents back in my coaching is when their focus is on their teen changing rather than BEing the change themselves.
Sometimes this sneaks in when parents want to BE the change, . . . so their teen will change.
This does two things. #1 It shifts your focus to something outside of your control (your teen changing), and #2 it shifts your focus from BEing the change to DOing change.
Now, rather than working from the Be, Do, Have model, you are working from the Do, Have, Be model.
I want to invite you to commit to connecting with your teen just for the sake of connecting with them.
It's not your job to change them. You can't change them. But, you CAN BE the change yourself!
Call to ACTION!
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Humans NEED Connection
Being connected a fundamental human need.
One of the struggles that we've been facing over the years in education is a lack of connection. One of the struggles that I believe is facing families is a lack of connection.
And, I believe that we are starting to see the consequences.
Schools are focusing more and more on academics and results. Covid has made things tough. Phones, electronics, and social media are all competing for our attention and our teen's attention.
But hope is not lost, you can still connect!
A Message to Schools
I know it's tough. I know you are being measured by your ability to help kids achieve certain standards and benchmarks.
I know oftentimes you are asked to work with your hands figuratively tied behind your back.
But YOU still have the power to connect with teens.
In fact, I promise you, the better you connect with your teens and students, the better they will achieve in academic settings.
I am not asking you to abandon educational standards, but I am asking you to start with a focus on your connection and relationship with your students.
Get to know your teens, as they are, without trying to change, fix, or improve them.
Help them know that they are awesome, just the way they are.
A Message to Parents
I know it often doesn't seem like it, but your teen wants to connect with you.
Possibly more accurately, they want YOU to connect with them.
Find ways to connect with them right where they are.
Find ways to connect with them right as they are.
Most parents make the mistake of trying to change, fix, or control their teens. Instead of connection, this actually causes a disconnect.
If you're like most parents, you've probably tried to change, fix, or control your teen and it's resulted in frustration, anger, and resentment, which often leads to fighting and arguing.
Instead, I invite you to find a way to connect with your teen right where they are.
What is something that your teen values that you could value?
When I was a teen, football was the thing I valued most.
My parents, grandparents, and my favorite teachers understood this. So, they often went to my games and talked to me about my games afterwards.
I know moms and dads who have started playing Fortnite and Minecraft with their teens, just so they can connect with them.
A Message to Communities
We need our teens. Their mental and emotional health should be one of our top priorities as a community. Find a way to support your local teens.
Go to their sporting events. Go to their plays and competitions.
Create opportunities for teens to create connections within your communities that will live long after their high school days are over.
If You'd Like Me To Speak at Your School and/or Community Event
If you'd like me to speak at your school or community event, please feel free to email me at Ben@FirmlyFounded.com.
Call to ACTION!
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Nothing Has Gone Wrong, Even When Your Team Loses!
The idea for this episode came to me while I was watching a bowl game with my wife.
Pitt and Michigan State were playing.
Pitt was winning most of the second half and it looked like they'd cruise on to victory pretty easily, but with less than 3 minutes left, everything changed.
Michigan State drove down and scored a touchdown, went for two, and went up by 3.
I'm sure Pitt fans were worried, but there was still plenty of time for them to drive down and score, . . .
. . . Until Pitt's QB threw a pick-six and Michigan State went up by ten.
But, there was still enough time for a little hope, until . . .
Pitt failed to recover the kickoff, giving MS the ball with only seconds left.
The TV showed excited Michigan St. fans and devastated Pitt fans. Some even looked to be crying.
Then the TV showed a dad, a Pitt fan, and his son who looked rather devastated and disappointed.
Only, the dad looked at the son with compassion, and sorrow for his son's disappointment, but with an understanding that nothing had gone wrong.
I don't know what was going through the dad's head, but he looked totally calm, cool, collected, maybe a little disappointed, but as if nothing had actually gone wrong. In fact, he's just been able to enjoy a pretty awesome game with his son.
But that look that he gave his son was so powerful.
To me, his look said, "Son, I'm sorry you're upset. I'm upset too. It's hard to lose, but you'll be okay. I promise, and I love you!"
Catastrophising Is Scary for Both You and Your Teen
Recently I was at the dentist getting some work done. I needed my mouth to be numb. Unfortunately, for some reason, my nerves are slightly different and that makes it difficult for dentists to get my mouth completely numb. On this specific occasion, my dentist, trying to get my mouth numb, directly hit the nerve, which really hurt. Instantly there was a patch of my face that turned white.
I couldn't see my own face obviously, but the look of fear on his face had me worried. He then told said, "That's bad!" and proceeded to tell me that he'd never actually seen this happen and we'd need to keep an eye on it.
I wasn't scared until he was scared.
Sometimes as parents, we show up like my dentist and think, "Oh no. That's bad." Which causes us to feel fear which changes how we behave.
As herd animals, our teens are able to sense when you are scared, and that's scary for them.
Ultimately, catastrophizing is scary for both of you.
Be Your Teen's Tom Brady
One of the examples that I use when it comes to being positive and optimistic is Tom Brady. Before everyone called him the GOAT, people used to call him the Comeback Kid.
I want you to imagine how he must be in the huddle.
Confident, calm, and a crazy little grin on his face like he knows something that nobody else knows.
What if, when things "go wrong," you could show up like Tom Brady in your teen's huddle?
What would your calmness and confidence convey to your teen?
Trust that Your Teen is the Winning Team!
Have you ever heard the saying, "Everyone wants to be on a winning team"?
You want to be on a winning team, your teen wants to be, everyone wants to be on the winning team.
Help your teen know that they are the winning team by you choosing to believe and trust in them, their capability, and their resilience.
Call to ACTION!
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Daily Habits for Parenting Success
- Set Your Intention Each Day
- Last thing before you go to bed, set your intention for the following day.
- First thing when you wake up in the morning, remind yourself of and commit to your intention.
- Here's some examples from my life.
- Today I will listen with curiosity, patience, and love.
- Today I will be fun, energetic, and engaged with my children.
- Today I will learn a new way to connect with my 15 year old son.
- Commit to Connection Daily
- Be 100% committed to connect to your teen.
- Choose to love your teen.
- Show them that you love them.
- Show them that you are confident that they will be okay.
- Let them know that you trust that EVERYTHING will be okay.
- Connect with them right where they are.
- Stay calm, listen, treat your teen with kindness and fairness, and do your best to let them know that you aren't mad and that you love and care about them.
- Embrace the Moment
- Far too often we are guilty of not being present.
- Don't try to avoid the moment.
- Don't try to fix, change, or improve it.
- BE IN THE MOMENT.
- Be in the moment WITH your teen!
- Manage Your Mind
- I like to use the Self-Coaching Model
- I also like to use the Be, Do, Have Model.
- I am starting to get into journaling and writing.
- Sharing what I've learned with others.
- Trust Yourself, Your Teen, and the Process
- This one is HUGE for me this year.
- Trust will change everything.
- You are exactly what your teen need, they are exactly what you need and want, and the process you two are experiencing is exactly what you need.
- Let Go Of Things Outside of Your Control
- This is hard, but so powerful.
- When you hold onto things outside of your control, you lose power and energy.
- When you let go, you have more power and energy to put towards things within your control.
- Let go of your teen's model and manage your own!
- Practice, Practice, Practice
- One of my favorite lessons, and one I came up with myself, is the "Wheel of Time."
- When you're on the top of the wheel, practice and prepare for when you are on the bottom.
- When you're on the bottom of the wheel, just keep going and do your best to do what you practiced at the top of the wheel.
- Life is all about practice and improvement.
- It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect.
- Be Willing to Be Wrong and/or Make Mistakes
- One of the things that divides parents and teens is when one or both of them are committed to being "Right!"
- Be willing to be wrong.
- Let your teen be "Right!"
- Be willing to make mistakes.
- Be the example of what to do when you make mistakes.
- Be The Change You Want to See
- If you want your teen to be something else, YOU Be that change!
- If you want your teen to be more confident, YOU Be more confident in both your teen and yourself.
- Play to Your Strengths
- Last but not least, play to your strengths.
- Yes, you have weaknesses, and if you're listening to this podcast you probably want to address your weaknesses, but trust your strengths.
- God gave you strengths that are unique to you.
- Trust them and use them!
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Why Is Trust Important To Me?
One of the reasons that I've chosen "TRUST" as my word of 2022 is because I often catch myself not trusting myself and others.
One of the things that I've found is that the more I trust myself, the more my business grows.
Another thing I've found is that the more I trust others, the better I feel.
I would rather trust people than distrust them. I like how it feels better than distrust.
So this year as a parent, I'm committing to trust myself. I'm trusting that I am exactly the parent that my children need. I'm trusting that my best is good enough. I'm trusting that my instincts are there to serve me.
I'm choosing to trust my family because I like how I feel when I trust them. I'm choosing to trust that my teen is capable of overcoming anything!
I'm choosing to trust that EVERYTHING always has been, is, and will be okay!
How Does Trust Impact Your Life?
If you're like most parents of teens, you've probably found yourself having a hard time trusting your teen. It's easy to distrust your teen, but who does that affect the most?
Most of the parents that I coach on this report that when they distrust their teen, they feel skeptical, distrustful, and anxious/worried.
The lack of trust changes how you feel, which changes how you parent.
Most of the parents that I've coached on this report that when they at least want to trust their teen, they feel more love and compassion towards their teen.
When parents are actually able to choose to trust their teens, they report feeling more confident and empowered.
Would you rather parent from the emotions of skepticism, distrust, fear, and worry or from compassion, love, and confidence.
When you embrace trust, you will be able to let go of things that are actually outside of your control.
I want to invite you to practice trusting that your teen is doing their very best!
In fact, imagine that you actually believed that. How would you feel?
Trust it!
I promise, your teen IS doing their very best!
Trust Is a Powerful Choice
Trust is a choice.
I get it. It can be a hard choice to make. It's easy to choose to distrust someone, even yourself.
But look at it this way. Whether you trust or distrust someone ONLY affects YOU!
Choosing not to trust someone changes how you feel towards that person.
I choose to trust that everyone is doing their best.
Choose To Trust Yourself
When I first started my business, I didn't trust myself.
I delayed starting my podcast because I didn't trust that I had anything worth saying.
I delayed getting certified as a life coach because I didn't trust that I would be good enough.
If you've delayed joining the Firmly Founded Parent membership, it's probably due to a lack of trust with yourself.
I get it. I used to not trust that I could change and improve.
I want to invite you to trust yourself.
Trust your ability to grow.
Trust that I can help you!
Choose to trust!
Call to ACTION!
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Don't Try To Force The Model On Your Teen
One of the most powerful tools that I teach is the Self-Coaching Model!
When I teach it to parents they love it and say it makes total sense.
Usually when I teach it to teens the model they love it.
But, I've noticed a trend with teens whose parents are coaches or who have coaches.
Oftentimes, these teens tell me, "I hate the model!"
Every time this has happened, it's because their parents have tried to force the model on them or tried to get them to change their model somehow.
I totally get it.
I love the model. It's so powerful.
I want all teens to know, understand, and use this tool, ESPECIALLY my teen.
I love parents teaching the model! I love parents talking their teens through the model.
My warning is this . . .
. . . Don't try to force the model on your teen.
. . . Don't try to change your teen with the model.
If you do, they are likely to hate it.
So, How Can You Help Your Teen Learn The Model?
One of the most powerful ways that you can help your teen learn the model is by managing your own model.
Another way is by realizing that you only change the circumstance of your teen's model.
The biggest thing is, manage your model and let your teen manage theirs.
Be Open To Your Teen's Thoughts
One of the things that I teach people to help them use the model is to do thought downloads.
One of the biggest mistakes that I see parents making is parents try to change their teen's thoughts by telling them, "Don't think like that," or "Don't talk like that."
When I teach people to do thought downloads, I tell them it's important to be aware of ALL of your thoughts.
When your teen is complaining to you or venting to you, or just telling you what they are worried about, see this as them doing a thought download with you. You are their paper, and they are just pouring out their thoughts to you.
Validate Their Feelings
Emotional Health is the ability to feel any and ALL emotions and to identify and process them.
Far too many parents try to manage their teen's emotions.
This is actually the opposite of emotional health as it is encouraging the teens to only feel certain emotions and to avoid identifying and processing the feeling.
Give Them Autonomy to Take Action
It's hard to see your teen do things that you completely disagree with. I totally get it. I'm a human and a parent too. It's hard, but you CAN'T control your teen. It's not your job
Trust and Let Them Own Their Results
One of the things I see parents doing is blaming themselves for their teen's results. This takes power away from your teen. If you want to give power back to your teen, respect their results. Let them own it.
Another problem that I see is parents catastrophizing about their teen's results, believing the their results are "wrong" or "bad" or that their results should be different.
Your teen is the only one who can create their results!
Trust that their results are theirs and that their results are exactly what they need.
Manage Your Own Model
Bottom line is this, MANAGE YOUR OWN MODEL!
You can't control your teen's model, and any effort trying to control their model is simply wasted energy that could be spent managing your own model.
I promise you, if you want to improve your relationship with your teen, do your own mental and emotional work. Practice connecting with your teen right where they are.
Call to ACTION!
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What's a "Tough" Parenting Moment?
Bottom line is, whether or not a parenting moment is "TOUGH" or not is based on your thoughts about the moment.
Tough parenting moments can be anything from a fight with your teen, to broken rules, to letting go and letting your teen make their own mistakes.
If you're like most parents, you've experienced tons of "tough" parenting moments.
You know the frustration, disappointment, anger, and even sorrow that can come with tough parenting moments.
What you might not know is that these tough parenting moments are actually HUGE opportunities!
These moments are opportunities for growth, for both you and your teen, and for powerful connection.
Most Parents Want "Tough" Parenting Moment to Go Away
Most parents simply want these tough parenting moments to go away.
Tough parenting moments can be super uncomfortable, but that's not the answer.
When it comes to tough parenting moments, most parents spend tons of energy trying to make the problem go away or trying to change their teen, hoping that will make it go away.
If you're like most parents, you're probably guilty of avoiding tough parenting moments.
The bottom line is, tough parenting moments aren't the problem.
If you're trying to avoid tough parenting moments, you are missing out on powerful parenting moments.
"Tough" Parenting Moments are Actually HUGE Opportunities
If you're like most parents and trying to skip, change, or avoid tough parenting moments, you're going to miss these huge opportunities.
Instead, I want to invite you to start looking at this "tough" parenting moments as opportunities.
I want you to start looking for opportunities in two areas, growth and connection.
Growth
If you're experiencing tough parenting moments, these are nothing more than opportunities to grow.
It's only tough because it's challenging.
Challenges force us to grow.
Commit to learning whatever lessons are there to be learned. Not only will this help you grow as a parent, but this is part of the process of continual development.
Don't pass up the opportunities for growth because you're trying to avoid these "tough" parenting moments.
Connection
This was one of my secrets as a high school principal and one of the reasons I was so successful.
"Tough" parenting moments are an opportunity to build and improve your connection with your teen.
I learned this as a principal. I noticed that often, when I had to discipline my students because they had gotten in trouble, afterward we had a way better relationship than we had had before.
I had the power to turn these moments of students being in trouble into powerful moments of connection and friendship.
All I had to do was stay calm, listen, treat the student with kindness and fairness, and do my best to let them know that I wasn't mad and that I cared about them.
And here's the best part.
This made those "tough" principaling moments even easier.
You can do the exact same thing and make tough parenting moments powerful opportunities for connection.
These are nothing more than opportunities to stay calm, listen, treat your teen with kindness and fairness, and do your best to let them know that you aren't mad and that you love and care about them.
How To Turn "Tough" Parenting Moments into Powerful Parenting Moments
- Find the opportunities
- Commit to connection
- Embrace the moment
Call to ACTION!
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It's Common to Think Your Not Good Enough
We have 60,000 thoughts each day. 85% of those thoughts are negative. 95% of those thoughts are habitual thoughts.
It's okay!
This is part of being human.
You do though, have the power to retrain your brain and develop new thought patterns.
It's natural to think that you are not good enough, but I promise you that you are good enough! You are exactly the parent that your teen needs.
Now, you get to move forward and become the parent of your dreams.
Powerful Questions
The quality of your life is a reflection of the quality of questions that you ask yourself.
Jody shared some powerful questions.
- Who do I want to be NOW?
- What would love do?
- What's the most loving thing to do next?
- What if nothing's gone wrong here?
- What if this was always meant to happen this way?
I like to ask "How can I be the change I want to see in the other person?"
Reprograming Your Brain Is Uncomfortable
Resisting your emotions slows down the process.
You get to choose how you think.
Embrace your present reality!
Practice identifying and understanding your thoughts.
It's natural to think negatively, and most of our thoughts are simply habitual and patterns.
Your Children's Struggles Make them Stronger
The experiences our children go through give them confidence.
They gain confidence, compassion, identity, skills, everything from overcoming trials.
This is something that I am actually working on in my home with my teenagers, all of my kids actually.
I want to allow them, invite them, and even challenge them to do hard things.
This helps me fulfill my role as a dad.
It also helps my kids develop so many qualities that I want them to develop.
Better Than Happy by Jody Moore
Better Than Happy Amazon link
Better Than Happy Audible link
You can learn more about Jody at:
Jodymoore.com
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Boundaries Aren't Meant to Control Anyone
One of the biggest mistakes I see parents making when it comes to boundaries is when they make a boundary hoping that it will change their teen's behavior.
Anytime you are hoping to change your teen's behavior, that is more of a manual or manipulation than it is a boundary.
Boundaries aren't meant to control anyone, especially not the other person.
It is important to remember that you cannot control anyone other than yourself.
Any effort made to control your teenager is an example of your focus being on things outside of your control.
This positions you as a victim because you are at the mercy of someone other than yourself.
Boundaries Are More For YOU
Setting boundaries is more for your benefit than for anyone else's benefit. In fact, most boundaries don't even need to ever be expressed to the other person.
Another common mistake with boundaries is focusing on the other person.
What the other person does or doesn't do is less important than what YOU will do.
For example, I have a boundary that If you yell at me, I will leave.
I usually don't ever tell the other person about this boundary. I simply notice that a boundary has been crossed, and I leave.
I don't even need to involve the other person.
I learned this when I was a high school football player. When the team would be talking dirty or horsing around, I simply got up and left. I didn't need to change them, I didn't want to be a part of their behavior, so I just left.
The same is true when you are raising your teen. Boundaries are more for your benefit than for theirs.
Sometimes you might share your boundaries with them, but it's not a requirement.
The Best Boundaries are Set with Love
Another mistake that I see when it comes to boundaries is setting them out of anger or fear.
You don't have to be mad to set or enforce a boundary.
But, the best boundaries are set and executed with love.
The best boundaries are set with an inward focus of "what can I control?" or "how do I want to show up here?"
It sets the other person free to be themselves and do whatever they want, but it gives you clear guidance and direction as to how you show up.
Boundaries are Meant to Be Simple
Another common mistake when it comes to setting boundaries with your teen is overcomplicating the boundary.
Boundaries are meant to be simple.
This will make your life easier and your teen's life easier.
An example of overcomplicating boundaries is when you have complex consequences or rewards for the other person's behavior. Usually the more complex the boundary, the more likely it is that you are actually trying to change, control, or manipulate the other person.
I see this a lot with parents and their teen's grades. Sometimes the parents get super creative and they have tons of different consequences and rewards, depending on what their teen does. The problem is, the more complex things are the more confused everyone will be when it actually comes to the boundary.
Keep boundaries simple for your sake and the other person.
Simple Boundaries = If you ____, I will ____.
Simple boundaries are, "If you _____, I will ______.
"If you yell at me, I will leave the room."
"If you fail math, I will not pay for your phone."
Call to ACTION!
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Discomfort Sparks Growth
Most people who sign up for coaching with me do it because they are experiencing discomfort of some kind.
They want to change something so that they can feel better.
Discomfort isn't a problem, it's just part of the human experience. Discomfort helps us know when something is wrong. Discomfort helps us know that it's time to make a change.
Discomfort has the power to fuel the effort to create a change.
When we can look at discomfort this way, without judgement and shame, we can see discomfort as simply an invitation to start growing and creating change.
Growth comes with Discomfort
As I mentioned, most parents who come to me looking for coaching, are coming to me because they are experiencing discomfort.
In fact, growth itself is uncomfortable.
If you're like most parents, when you started working on your own growth, you simply traded your old discomfort for a new discomfort.
It's important to realize that discomfort doesn't mean that something has gone wrong.
Identify and Lean Into The Discomfort
It's important to identify the discomfort that you are experiencing.
Most of the world tries to avoid all discomfort at all costs.
Once you identify your discomfort, what it feels like, what's causing it, you have the power to choose whether or not you will continue with the discomfort.
Most of The World Tries To Avoid Discomfort
If you're like most parents, like most humans actually, you try to avoid discomfort.
This is something that we are hard-wired to do. Avoiding discomfort keeps us safe and comfortable.
Avoiding discomfort will halt your own personal growth.
This is why it's important to continuously embrace discomfort.
Embrace Discomfort As Part of The Process
Discomfort is part of the process of growth and improvement.
Embrace it!
It doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong.
Oftentimes the discomfort that we're avoiding, like fear, worry, or anger, is actually exactly what we need to lean into for growth.
This has been true of the parents that I work with that are afraid and worried about their teens choices.
- Be Aware of Your Discomfort
- Where is your discomfort coming from?
- What's causing your discomfort?
- Where are you feeling the discomfort?
- Is it inviting you to change?
-
Is it due to growth?
-
Buckle Up
-
This is going to be a ride!
- Be committed to the process.
- Don't give up when it's hard and uncomfortable.
- Be willing to change and do something different.
3. Choose Your Discomfort Based On Desired Results
- It's uncomfortable to go to the gym, but we do it because we want the results of being healthy.
- Understand that you will likely be uncomfortable either way, might as well choose the discomfort that connects to your goals.
4. Lean Into Your Fear
- Sometimes the thing making you uncomfortable is the actual answer or solution.
- Be willing to lean into the uncomfortable emotion.
5. Be Patient, Allow the Growth Rather Than Forcing It
- Don't Force It
- Have Compassion For Yourself.
Call to ACTION!
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Why is Sleep So Important?
Sleep is SUPER Important, and yet it's often one of the first things to sacrifice when you're busy or ignore when you're busy.
A lack of sleep has been linked to several physical, mental, and emotional problems.
One of the things that teens that I work with have told me is that they started to feel better when they started sleeping better.
Sleep is literally a bodily function.
You have to sleep.
Could you imagine if you didn't go to the bathroom for a day or eat or drink for a day?
It would seriously impact how you function from day to day.
Things That Keep You From Sleeping
There are so many things that can keep you and your teen from sleeping, so this won't be an all-inclusive list, but it's helpful to know some of these things.
One of the things that I see that keeps both teens and parents from sleeping better is the lack of a pre-sleep routine.
If you're like many of the parents and teens that I coach, you probably don't have a clearly defined pre-sleep routine and as a result, you might find yourself taking longer to wind down and finally fall asleep.
Screen-time right before bed is also a common culprit when it comes to making it harder to fall asleep. Many of the teens that I work with fall asleep with their phone in hand.
One of the other common issues that keeps some parents and teens from sleeping is having an active mind at bedtime. Just when you want your brain to start winding down, your brain seems to want to go into overdrive.
It's important to gain some awareness around exactly what is keeping you from sleeping. Once you have an awareness and understanding, you can then be intentional about how you will address the things that are keeping you from sleeping.
Things That Help You Sleep
One of the biggest things that I've found that helps me and my teen and parent clients is to develop a bedtime routine that you can follow easily.
I understand that it can be hard to do at times with the hectic schedules that seem to go hand in hand with raising teenagers, but I promise, this is something that can help!
For me, I understand that I have to stop working at least an hour before bedtime, preferably two. It helps me to limit my screen time at least 30 minutes before bedtime, preferably 60-90 minutes.
I've also found it to be helpful to do things that help me be tired at night, whether this is walking, playing sports, or simply being more active. Sometimes this is a simple and fun way to ensure that you are ready to zonk-out at night.
Ultimately, it's important to be willing to try new things and see what works for you!
It's also important to realize that your sleep habits are just that, habits. It might take a little time to build some new habits that support sleep and to break some old habits that inhibit sleep.
5 Simple Tips to Help You and Your Teen Sleep Better1.Develop a bedtime routine that is easy and doable.
- Manage your mind morning and/or night.
3. Be more active throughout the day.
4. Have a good morning routine that is easy and doable, even when you're tired.
5. Decrease pre-bedtime distractions.
Improving Your Sleep Is An Easy Way to Improve Everything Else
If you're like most parents that I know, you could stand to improve your sleep.
If you want to have more mental and emotional control, try improving your sleep.
Call to ACTION!
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"I Feel Like I'm Losing Control!"
One of the things that I hear the most from parents is, . . .
. . . "I feel like I'm losing control!"
The next thing they tell me is, . . .
. . . "I don't know what to do!"
If you're like most parents, you've probably experienced this before and felt completely out of control and lost as to what to do about it.
If you're like most parents, this probably leads to fighting, arguing, and power struggling with your teen, and it's NO FUN AT ALL!
One of the hardest things about raising a teenager is realizing that you can't control what you used to control.
And to be honest, this is a hard transition for your teen too.
The Problem Is You're Trying To Control What You Can't Control
Trying to control things outside of your control is one of the biggest mistakes parents make.
The biggest problem with this is that it that your focus is on things outside of your control, positioning you as the victim.
When you focus on things outside of your control, you lose focus of the things that you actually can control.
If you've ever said, . . . "I feel like I'm losing control!" . . .
. . . It's because you are trying to control things that are outside of your control.
When you try to control things outside of your control you feel out of control and lost, which is why you're probably thinking, "I don't know what to do!"
What You Can and Cannot Control
One of the most basic and yet powerful exercises that I have parents do is to create a T-Chart identifying what they Can and Cannot control.
Once you identify the things outside of your control, you can LET THEM GO!
Once you let go of things outside of your control, you can now re-focus that energy on things within your control.
Here are some examples of things you CANNOT control:
- Your teenager,
- Their thoughts, feelings, actions, and results,
- Their choices with friends,
- Their friends,
Here are some examples of things you CAN control:
- YOU,
- Some of your thoughts and feelings,
- Your actions and results
- Your choices,
When you can discern between what you CAN and CANNOT control you will have more power to let go of things outside of your control.
How To Regain Control
The only way to regain control is to let go of things outside of your control and control ONLY what is within your control.
This is freaking POWERFUL!
How to Control Only What You Can Control!
-
Gain Awareness! What CAN you and what CAN'T you control?
-
Practice letting go of what you CANNOT control!
3. Give what you CAN control your energy and attention!
-
Trust that others are DOING THEIR BEST!
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Trust that YOU are DOING YOUR BEST!
Call to ACTION!
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Put On YOUR Oxygen Mask FIRST!
If you're like most parents, you've been guilty of putting everybody else's needs above your own.
If you're like most parents, you've probably bragged about some of the sacrifices that you've made for your children.
Sacrificing for your loved ones isn't the problem.
The problem is when you take care of the needs of others at the expense of your own needs.
This is a huge problem because if you don't take care of your needs, who will?
If you don't take care of your needs, you have less power to help and serve others.
If you've ever traveled by plane, you've been instructed to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.
If you want to be the parent of your dreams, YOU NEED TO MAKE YOUR SELF-CARE A PRIORITY!
Only YOU Can Know Your Needs
One of the things parents tell me, especially mothers, is . . .
. . . "I don't even know what my needs are."
I get it.
You've spent your whole life as a parent focusing on the needs of your children, and possibly your spouse, and you've forgotten how to focus on YOU.
Only you can know your needs.
No one else can figure your needs out for you.
So I want to invite you to make identifying and meeting your needs a priority.
Reconnect with YOU
The best way to identify and understand your needs is to reconnect with yourself.
To reconnect with yourself, explore powerful questions like:
- “What are my “needs” and why?”
- “What are my wants and why?”
- “What am I feeling and why?”
- “How are these feelings impacting me?”
- “When am I at my best as a parent?”
- “How do I want to BE as a parent?”
- “What supports me BEing at my best?”
As you reconnect with yourself you will start to shift your focus back to things within your control.
You will start to understand what helps you BE at your best as a parent.
Make YOU A Priority
Like I said earlier, ONLY YOU can meet your needs.
I invite you to make YOU and your needs a priority.
One of my clients said, "But it feels so SELFISH!"
Let me show you her unintentional model.
Circumstance ~ Self-Care
Thought ~ Putting my needs first is selfish.
Feeling ~ Guilt
Action ~ Sacrifice my self-care
Result ~ Resent my family.
Because she believed it was selfish, she felt guilt which caused her to "sacrifice" her self-care for her family, which caused her to resent her family.
Circumstance ~ Self-Care
Thought ~ When I take care of myself, I'm a better mom.
Feeling ~ Love
Action ~ Spend alone time away from kids.
Result ~ Love my kids and family.
When she thought about her self-care making her a better mom, she felt love (for herself), which fueled her action of addressing her needs, which resulted in her loving her family more.
Self-Care Increases Self-Love
As you improve your self-care, you will also increase your self-love.
I believe that you love the people you serve.
I invite you to look at self-care as serving yourself.
As you take care of yourself, you will grow to love yourself even more.
Your ability to love others reflects your ability to love yourself!
How to Implement Your Self-Care!
- Connect with yourself
- Make your self-care a priority
- Love yourself
Call to ACTION!
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I Love November!
I love Halloween, which is the day before November.
I love Thanksgiving, and I love when my birthday falls on Thanksgiving.
I love the fall, the leaves, the cool/changing weather, and I love everything about November.
And, I especially love the focus and extra push when it comes to gratitude, appreciation, and giving thanks.
The Power Of Gratitude
I believe that gratitude is a simple, yet powerful emotion.
There are some positive emotions that some people struggle to experience. Some people have a hard time getting to compassion and love, but gratitude seems to be a positive emotion that most people can experience fairly easily and consistently.
I believe that gratitude is a super-emotion. It has the power to stop other negative emotions dead in their tracks.
Gratitude as a Feeling
Gratitude is a feeling, an emotion.
It is created by our thoughts.
It is created when we choose to appreciate our circumstances.
Gratitude is when you intentionally choose to be grateful and appreciative for your circumstances.
Gratitude is a powerful driving emotion.
We know from the model that our feelings drive our actions.
When I'm grateful I take actions like serving others, appreciating others, treating others (and myself) with kindness and patience.
Gratitude drives actions that create results that I love in my life.
Gratitude as a Way of BEing
Gratitude can be more than a simple feeling.
Gratitude can be a way of BEing. It's a choice.
I love BEing grateful. It is one of my favorite ways to BE as a dad.
If you're like most people, you've probably caught yourself being ungrateful.
If you're like most people, when you're ungrateful, you probably parent with less kindness and compassion.
It's okay to catch yourself being ungrateful. It's part of being human and being a parent.
BUT, you also have the power to BE grateful!
AND, I promise . . .
Gratitude WILL change EVERYTHING!
How to Develop the Superpower, GRATITUDE!
- Set your Intention Early and Every day!
- This has been powerful in my life!
- When I get up, I set my intention for the day.
- I guide my mind as to where I want it to go to work.
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This takes practice, but it's totally worth it.
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Practice BEing Grateful Daily.
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This one goes right along with #1, once you've set you intention, simply practice!
- Don't expect yourself to be perfect.
- Just commit to practicing BEing grateful every day.
-
It will become more and more natural.
-
See The Power of Gratitude In Your Life.
-
As you set your intention and practice gratitude, see the power in your life.
- See how BEing grateful impacts your life.
- Look for new and more things to be grateful for.
-
Find new ways to be grateful.
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Keep a Gratitude Journal.
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Seriously, there are some many things to be grateful for, and when you start to look for them, you'll be overwhelmed with all the gifts in your life.
- Keep a gratitude journal so you can remember and fully appreciate your life.
- This journal will help you look back and see your own growth.
-
It's fun to look back on things you were grateful for.
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Share Your Gratitude with Others.
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You can't make others feel gratitude, but you can lead by example.
- Help other people feel loved and appreciated by sharing your gratitude for them with them.
- This may help others see things that they are grateful for.
If You Want to Stop Yelling At Your Teen, Stop Yelling at YOURSELF!
Okay, so this might be a stretch. You probably don't "yell" at yourself out loud, but be honest, how do you speak to yourself on the inside?
How often do you "yell" at yourself in your head?
How often do you tell yourself that you're "not good enough", or that you "should have done better"?
The truth is, if you want to stop yelling at your teen, you have to stop yelling at YOU!
Start treating yourself with kindness, and it will be easier to treat your teen with kindness.
Why Do We Yell?
If you're like most parents, you yell to be heard.
Maybe you yell out of anger, overwhelm, or fear.
If you're like most parents, sometimes you yell because you believe, "that's the only way my kids will listen."
I want you to dig deeper.
What Does Yelling Do?
Yelling triggers the Fight/Flight/Freeze response.
This is why yelling is a good idea when trying to protect a child from a dangerous situation. You yell "STOP" and a child is likely to freeze before running into a busy street.
However, when it comes to teaching something to your child or teen or punishing them, or disagreeing with them, yelling is not the best option.
Like I said, yelling triggers the fight/flight/or freeze response.
It actually puts your teen in survival mode. When getting yelled at, rather than listening to what's being said you start focusing on the speaker because you perceive them as a threat. You start looking for an escape or you start getting angry in preparation to fight for your survival.
I've taught about how "calm is contagious" as Rorke Denver says, and how humans are herd animals. The other thing that yelling does is escalate the emotional tension. It spreads to the person being yelled at, and they are likely to yell back.
This is the fight response.
How to Stop Yelling
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Explore the why behind your yelling (Remember, this also applies to your inner self-talk.)
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Have compassion for you and your teen.
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Practice who you want to BE when parenting is easy.
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Practice who you want to BE when parenting is hard.
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Use Thought Downloads and the Model
Call to ACTION!
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Grades Aren't As Important As We've Been Taught
When I was getting close to graduating high school, I was told that I wouldn't be able to go to college due to my poor high school GPA (2.0 something) and my poor ACT score (17).
For years leading up to my graduation, I was told that I would have to improve my grades if I ever wanted a job other than digging ditches or some other type of manual labor.
For years I was told horror stories about people who had so much potential, but poor grades in school completely derailed and ruined their lives.
This is an example of herd mentality.
Teachers and school counselors believe that good grades are the key to success.
So of course, they are going to share this belief with their students.
For a long time, I worked manual labor jobs because I believed I was doomed to that life because of my high school grades.
Your Teen Is the Key to Their Success, Not Their Grades!
I believe this with all my heart!
I am an example of this. I barely graduated high school. I thought of dropping out. My grades were not great.
And yet, I am successful.
I became a phenomenal teacher. My students loved me!
I got my bachelor's degree and graduated Summa Cum Laude. That means I did pretty darn good in college.
I became a high school principal at a failing charter school on the Ute Indian Reservation, (without a master's degree I might add).
Within a few short years we had turned the school around.
My high school grades are definitely not the key to my success, I AM!
The same is true for your teen.
Grades, friends, a starting role on their high school football team, none of these are the key to their success.
THEY ARE THE KEY TO THEIR SUCCESS!
Values and Grades
It's 100% okay to value grades. It's also 100% okay to NOT value grades.
If you're like most parents who talk to me about their teen's grades, you value grades more than your teenager does.
Maybe you expect your teen to get nothing lower than a B, but they have several F's.
If you're like most parents, this difference in you and your teen's expectations and values is causing some friction in your relationship with them.
If you're like most parents, this results in yelling, arguing, fighting, and often grounding.
What if, grades aren't as important as you've been taught?
What if your teen's grades are actually a reflection of their values, not yours?
What if your teen has different values than you?
Your Relationship With Your Teen
At the end of the day, I promise you, your relationship with your teen is far more important than their grades.
I get it!
You still believe that grades are important.
You want your teen to get good grades.
Of these two relationships, which one will benefit your teen the most in 1 year, 5 years, 20 years, and so on?
Why is your teen so important to you?
Why are their grades so important to you?
I want to invite you to connect with your teen, RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE!
Regardless of what their grades look like, they will benefit from having a parent who can connect with them no matter what.
Once you build this connection, you will better understand why they have they grades that they do. You'll be able to determine whether their grades are a result of not being high on their priority list or the result of some serious struggles.
Call to ACTION!
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Parenting is Hard, and That's Okay!
First off, . . .
Go listen to this podcast.
This post will not do it justice!
I don't plan out my interviews, so it's I also don't write as detailed a post on my interviews.
And, YES, . . .
Parenting can be hard.
I love how Tara mentioned that God gives us hard things to do to help up depend on him. Anytime I'm struggling as a parent, or even as an entrepreneur, I like to remember that God is giving me these struggles to remind me to depend on him.
Focus On What YOU CAN Control
It's natural for parents to try to control their teens. When our teens were little toddlers, we had to control them.
Now that they are growing up, we no longer have the power to control them.
One of the biggest mistakes that I see parents making is trying to control things that aren't actually within their control.
They try to control everything from how much time their teen spends on their phone, to how they dress, to how they interact with their friend.
Trust your teen to not only make mistakes but to learn exactly what they need to learn from that mistake.
Your Teen IS Doing Their Best!
This was my favorite part of the conversation.
Tara showed us the perfect example of how your thoughts create your feelings.
When she chose to think, "He's doing his best!" she was filled with unconditional love.
Too often we choose to think, "They should be doing better!" which fills us with shame, guilt, worry, or fear.
Chose to believe that your teen IS doing their best!
It won't change your teen, but it will change YOU!
Call to ACTION!
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Are You and/or Your Teen Emotionally Healthy?
It's unfortunate that when most people refer to "Emotional Health", they are actually referring to the lack of emotional health.
I hear people saying things like, "They have some emotional health issues," or, "They are struggling with emotional health."
But, who actually knows what emotional health is?
When I ask teens, "What do you think Emotional Health is?" they usually tell me one of two things. Either, #1 "It means you're happy all of the time," or #2 "You struggle with depression and anxiety."
The truth is, neither of these is an example of emotional health.
I teach that Emotional health is the ability to experience ANY and ALL emotions and identify and process them.
Notice how emotional health has nothing to do with being happy all of the time? Notice also, that emotional health doesn't rule out uncomfortable emotions like depression and anxiety?
Emotional health means that you are capable of experiencing the whole range of emotions, from happy to sad, from excited to bored out of your mind.
Being able to experience any and all emotions is the first step in being emotionally healthy.
What Are Feelings and Emotions?
Feelings and emotions are energy and vibrations within your body. They can be uncomfortable, but they cannot physically hurt you.
Here are some examples of how we identify emotions in our bodies; “I’ve got butterflies in my stomach,” or “I’m having cold feet,” or “It took my breath away,” and, “I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders.”
Emotions are simply energy in your body.
Your emotions are created by your thoughts.
Scary Feelings
Sometimes it can be scary to experience feelings.
Much of what we do as human beings is in an effort to avoid feelings that we don't want to feel, like embarrassment, shame, guilt, boredom, and sadness.
The thing is, none of these feelings can actually physically hurt us.
They're simply uncomfortable.
Emotions Aren't As Scary As We Fear
Let's look back at our imagined scenario of creepy eyes in the woods.
I live in Utah, so the chances of those eyes belonging to a tiger are pretty slim. I've never seen a bear up close in the wild, so this is pretty slim too. And, I've been told that dragons don't exist, so it's not going to be a dragon.
It's way more likely to be a rabbit, a deer, or some other harmless animal.
The same is true about scary feelings.
It's never as bad as we fear.
Developing Emotional Health for YOU and Your Teen!
Today, it seems like everyone wants to improve their emotional health or their teen's emotional health.
It's become kind of a buzzword.
I want to share with you some simple things that YOU can do to improve your own emotional health and how this will impact your teen's emotional health.
First of all, you have no control over your teen's emotional health, but you do influence their emotional health.
So, if you want your teen to improve their emotional health, improve your own and trust that that will have a positive impact on their emotional health!
Call to ACTION!
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You Can't Stop Thinking!
Because you are human, your brain is constantly at work, whether you are awake or asleep, whether you are concentrating or daydreaming, your brain is constantly thinking.
The goal of coaching isn’t to turn off your brain or to even control your thoughts.
The goal is to be able to be aware of your thoughts and to have the power to manage your thoughts.
You CANNOT control all of your thoughts.
There are Different Types of Thoughts
This is not an all-inclusive list. These are just a few common thoughts.
- Beliefs
- These are thoughts that we believe to be true. Many of our beliefs are unconscious beliefs, meaning we think them without even being aware of them.
- These unconscious beliefs have the power to drive and influence our thinking patterns.
- Interpretations and Judgements
- Interpretations are how we apply meaning to our circumstances.
- Nothing has meaning until we give it meaning.
- Worries and Fears
- These are thoughts that make us feel anxious, worried, and afraid.
- Our brains have evolved to find and focus on the negative (I call this catastrophizing).
- I recently read that 85% of our thoughts are negative.
- Desire and Gratitude
- These or the things that we want. You cannot want something without thinking about it.
- Gratitude is wanting what you have.
- Habitual Thoughts
- These are thoughts that you think without even thinking about it. These thoughts are habits.
- Herd Mentality
- Thoughts and beliefs that you have adopted as your own because they are the thoughts and beliefs of your herd.
- It’s part of human nature to think similar to those around you.
YOU, Your Thoughts, Models, and Ways of BEing
Your thoughts drive your model.
Your thoughts reflect your way of BEing.
This is why it is so important to BE the thinker of your thoughts.
Are You the Hero of Your Stories?
The stories you tell reflect your thoughts.
Stories show up in how we talk to others and how we talk to ourselves.
I call the stories in your own head your personal narrative.
It’s important to be aware of these stories and how they impact our lives.
In your stories, you can either show up as the hero or the victim.
If you’re like most parents, you’ve been guilty of positioning yourself as the victim from time to time.
This usually looks like blaming others and/or complaining about others. This looks like focusing on things outside of your control.
When you position yourself as the hero, you take responsibility and you focus on things within your control.
The stories you allow yourself to tell impact how you feel and act.
Your stories create your reality.
Thought Disrupter Steps/Dialog (check out the shownotes)
Jim Fortin teaches, “You are where your attention is.”
Where is Your Attention?
You have the power to choose where you will place your attention.
Call to ACTION!
1 Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
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2 Come hang out with us at our Firmly Founded Family Fall Festival on October 9th, 2021 from 4:00 - 7:00 pm MST.
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Do You Know What Your Values Are?
If you are like most people, you have a pretty good idea of what your personal values are, but I'm guessing you don't really spend a lot of time thinking about it.
Sometimes when I work with teens who think that they have no values.
Everyone has values, but most people don't take the time to identify them or really even think about them.
That's okay, but it can sometimes be hard to know exactly what your values are.
Sometimes we think one thing is a value when in reality it's the exact opposite that is your value.
How To Identify Your Values.
Your values live in your subconscious thoughts. Usually, you don't even know about them, but they still impact your actions and behaviors.
Your values are a way of BEing. You live and express your values subconsciously without even thinking.
Your values drive you.
Your current results and reality are a reflection of your values.
“Whatever you have and do not have is a reflection of your values.”
~ Jim Fortin
So, if you want to know exactly what your values are, look at your results.
Oftentimes people will tell me that their health is their top value and then when I ask about their health they tell me, "Well I'm not there yet," or "I'm working on getting healthy."
In this example, their results don't reflect the value of health because it's not their driving value.
Sometimes people tell me that they want to be healthy, but they can't stop eating junk food and binge-watching Netflix all day.
These results would indicate that their driving values are comfort, satisfaction, and being entertained.
I have one client who told me that he valued working hard, taking risks, having lots of responsibility, but he is in a job that he hates. When I asked why he told me about the security he has in his job, the comfort that is salary affords him.
In this example, he values comfort and security more than he values working hard, taking risks, and having lots of responsibility.
Conflicting Values
We all have conflicting values; it's part of being human.
But when you become aware of this, you gain the power to choose one value over the other.
For example, you might have conflicting values of BEing healthy and BEing a "Foodie."
It might make it hard to be healthy if you value eating lots of good food.
I struggled with this. As a former lineman/football player, I valued eating lots of food. It was comforting, and I was kind of proud that I could out eat everyone.
Turns out this value makes it hard to be healthy.
When we have conflicting values, the value that offers the most immediate reward usually wins.
When we have conflicting values, the value that offers the most intense pleasure usually wins.
In this case, good, tasty, satisfying foot beats out boring old health.
This is where choice plays a vital role.
You Get to Choose Your Values!
You have a choice!
You are not at the mercy of your values. You get to choose your values.
You can either accept the values that are creating your results or choose new values that create new results.
You have the advantage that you can gain some awareness surrounding your values. With that awareness, you can now be intentional and start choosing different values.
Call to ACTION!
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What If You Were The Perfect Parent?
I asked this the other day in one of my Impact Parenting Group calls. This idea of "perfect" parenting kind of shook the zoom room.
There's so much shame around the word "perfect".
Most parents just believe that they aren't perfect and that they aren't good enough.
If you're like most parents, you believe this too, and it leads to shame, worry, and fear.
BUT, . . .
. . . What if YOU were the perfect parent?
What would that change in your life?
What would that change in your parenting?
What would it change about you?
If you're like most parents, you have never even considered the possibility that YOU ARE the perfect parent. Yet, if you're like most parents, you've probably considered that you might be the "worst" parent ever.
I want you to consider this instead . . .
"What if I AM the perfect parent for my teen?"
What is YOUR Definition of Perfect?
The problem is, if you're like most people, your definition of "perfect" is what the world has told you is the definition of "perfect".
The world will tell you that "perfect" means doing everything "right" and/or making no mistakes.
But what if I told you that this is not what makes you a perfect parent.
The truth is, your teen is not perfect, and you are not perfect, and this is what makes you perfect for each other.
My definition of perfect is more like being a "good fit" or being "exactly what is needed" or "doing your best."
YOU get to define what "perfect" means for YOU in your role as a parent.
For me, being the perfect dad means that I am willing to love my teen no matter what. It means that I am doing my best. It means that I am an example of making mistakes and making the most of it. It means that I am exactly what my teenager needs.
What If You Believed You Were The Perfect Parent?
I want you to really ask yourself this, "What if I believed that I was the perfect parent?"
What would that change for you?
If you're like most of my clients, if you believed that you were the perfect parent, . . .
- You would have more compassion for yourself,
- You would have more confidence,
- You would trust yourself, and
- You would be happier!
What if YOU believed that you were a perfect parent? What would change for you.
For me, I started trusting myself. I started having my own back. I started believing that not only is my best good enough, but it is exactly what is needed.
Believing that I am a perfect dad has helped me parent with confidence. It has helped me be happier in my relationships with my kid.
It has completely changed how I see myself. My brain is now looking for evidence that I AM the perfect parent.
You Are The Perfect Parent!
You are the perfect parent!
Being the perfect parent doesn't mean that you never make mistakes.
Being the perfect parent means that you trust
Call to ACTION!
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How To Make Parenting Simple!
#1 Define Your Role!
- One of the things that makes parenting harder that it needs to be is Not knowing your role!
- If you don't know what your role, or purpose, is as a parent, everything feels like a battle.
- When you don't define your parenting role, you get tossed from one roll to the other.
- It's hard to be intentional when you don't know what your role is.
#2 Only Focus on What YOU Can Control.
- One of, if not THE, most powerful things you can do as a parent is to shift your focus from what you cannot control to what you CAN control.
- One of the things that makes parenting hard is trying to control things outside of your control. When we focus on things outside of our control, we waste a lot of effort on something that is outside of our control. It's exhausting because nothing changes.
- Things you might be focusing on that are OUTSIDE of your control:
- Your teen's behavior,
- Their grades,
- Their decisions,
- Their thoughts and feelings,
- Their results/consequences.
- Things you could focus on that are WITHIN your control:
- How you think,
- How you feel,
- How you act,
- Your ways of BEing.
- Parenting is much more simple when you only have to worry about what you can actually control.
#3 Make Your Personal Growth the Priority Rather than Your Teen's Personal Growth.
- Most parents focus on the growth, or more accurately their perceived lack of growth, with their teen. If you're like most parents, you've done this too, and you've been frustrated or disappointed with the growth.
- Instead, focus on your own personal growth. Make that your priority.
- You can't change, fix, or control your teen, BUT . . .
- . . . When you make your own personal growth a priority, you will have a more intentional and positive impact on your teen.
- When we focus on others' personal growth, or lack there of, we cannot focus on our own personal growth.
- We cannot focus on two things at once.
- Make your own personal growth a priority.
BONUS #1 Choose Love!
- It sounds overly simple, but what if it really is just this simple? CHOOSE LOVE!
- What if loving your teen was your ONLY job? Wouldn't that make your job easier?
- Love is always an option when it comes to you and your teen.
- Love is a simple choice with no down side.
BONUS #2 Trust Yourself 100%
- The other day I was on a group coaching call in the Impact Parenting Program, and I was talking about BEing a "perfect" parent.
- Someone told me that they would never use the example of a perfect parent because there is so much shame around whether or not you are perfect.
- I get it, "mom guilt" and "dad shame" are a thing, but THEY ARE OPTIONAL!
- What if you believed that you were the PERFECT parent? How would you feel? How would you act? How would you BE?
- This might sound boastful, BUT . . .
- . . . I believe that I am the PERFECT dad for my family.
- I know tons of people who would disagree. They might say, "Ben SUCKS! He's the worst dad I've ever seen."
Call to ACTION!
Come join my FREE Ask Me Anything
YES! I WANT IN!!
Principles of Being a Relationship Hero
#1 Be 100% Responsible for YOUR Relationship with Them
- If you're like most people, you've blamed your relationship on the other person in the relationship.
- "If my teen would . . . "
- "If they would start . . . "
- You are responsible for how you feel towards the other person in your relationship.
- Relationsponsibility (Joey's made up word)
#2 Relationship Hero vs Relationship Victim
- Victims and sidekicks have to rely on somebody else.
- Save yourself in the relationship.
#3 Be the Change You Want to See
- Want your teen to be more confident? You start by BEing more confident.
- Want your teen to be more respectful, You start by BEing more respectful.
#4 Your Relationships are a Reflection of Your Relationship with Yourself
- Want a better relationship with your teen? Improve your relationship with yourself.
- This may mean that you will need to change some of your self-talk, which will impact how you start talking with your teen.
#5 How YOU Think about Them, How YOU Think about Yourself, and How YOU Think they think.
- How you think about YOURSELF in the relationship.
- How you think about THEM in the relationship.
- How you think THEY think about YOU in the relationship
Call to ACTION!
My BETA Impact Parenting Program is now live, and the doors are closed . . .
. . . BUT . . .
. . . If you want to take your parenting to the next level, you can still join the Firmly Founded Parent.
Now that my Impact Parenting Program is up and running, we're going to be revamping and improving the Firmly Founded Parent, and I want you to join us to make it the best monthly parenting membership EVER!
Join TODAY!!
YES! I WANT IN!!
And if you want to meet me and Joey live. Come to our live event on October 9th in Alpine, Utah. Get your tickets by CLICKING HERE!
Choose to Love!
What a pleasure to interview Bonnie Lyman from Bonnie Lyman Coaching!
When I interview people, I like it to be natural and unscripted. So, to be completely transparent, I don't plan out my interviews, which makes it harder to make show notes.
So, if you want to get all of the amazing teachings that Bonnie shared, make sure that you listen to this episode. These show notes don't do it justice.
I love that she taught us that you have to CHOOSE LOVE! I think that since loving others comes so naturally, we forget that sometimes we need to intentionally choose to love some people in our lives.
Especially when our teens are challenging our beliefs and expectations, it can be hard to love. That is when it is powerful to remember that YOU have the power to choose love!
Loving Your Children Starts with Loving Yourself!
Your relationships with your teens are a reflection of your relationship with yourself! If you want a better relationship with your teen, story working on your relationship with yourself.
I've seen this show up in so many ways for parents and teens.
Want to love your teen more? Then love yourself more!
Want to trust your teen more? Trust yourself more.
Every relationship you have is a reflection of your own inner relationship with yourself.
Bonnie talked about inviting clients to find 5 things that they like about themselves every day. This is a powerful exercise. I invite you to do this. If you struggle with this, come join our parenting membership, The Firmly Founded Parent. Inside this group, you will learn how to really love and trust yourself, and your teen, and how to start parenting with confidence.
What Can You Learn From Your Teen?
This is one of my latest kicks. What can YOU learn from your teen? What are they trying to teach YOU?
When you position yourself as the learner, it changes the dynamic of your relationship. It helps you see your teen from a different perspective. It allows your teen to have a powerful impact on your life as an equal, rather than as a lesser person because they're not an adult, or because they are your child.
I've been doing this work in my own life right now, and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!
It completely changes how I see my teen.
When I ask, "What can I learn from him?" I start to see him as someone with SO much wisdom, someone I can trust.
And guess what? . . .
I ACTUALLY LEARN FROM HIM!
He's helped me learn a massive amount of patience. He's helped me learn that I don't know as much as I think I know. He's helped me understand that just because I was a teen, doesn't mean that I understand what it's like to be a teen today. He's helped me learn that I am at my best as a dad when I am learning and growing myself. He's helped me learn that I want to be more like him in more ways than I previously realized.
Seriously, try positioning yourself as the learner in the relationship with your teen.
Call to ACTION!
My BETA Impact Parenting Program is now live, and the doors are closed . . .
. . . BUT . . .
. . . If you want to take your parenting to the next level, you can still join the Firmly Founded Parent.
Now that my Impact Parenting Program is up and running, we're going to be revamping and improving the Firmly Founded Parent, and I want you to join us to make it the best monthly parenting membership EVER!
Join TODAY!!
YES! I WANT IN!!
I LOVE Football!
First, I want to say that I LOVE football!
It really helped me as a struggling teen, and even as an adult, football plays a beneficial part in my life.
Lessons I've Learned So Far that You Can Use with You and Your Teen!
Feedback is important!
This is the first year that I've coached with this set of coaches.
One of the things that I've noticed that sets the best coaches apart from the others is their ability to give consistent feedback!
The coaches who are most respected give consistent feedback. Do something wrong, they're going to calmly let you know. Do something right, they're going to calmly let you know. The best coaches give players feedback, for example coaching on how to block better, then they wait and watch for you to do it right so they can give you feedback in the form of praise.
Recently in talking with my son, he told me that he didn't like certain coaches. When I asked him "Why?" he explained that he didn't think that they liked him. Again, I asked my favorite coaching question, "Why?" To which he answered, "I don't think they like anyone. They never tell us anything. They never talk to us."
How can you consistently offer feedback? What feedback would you like to offer?
For me it's teaching my teen, it's praising his efforts, and it's letting him know that everything is just right.
You are responsible for your culture!
I love the team that I am coaching with, and I am grateful for the opportunity. I want to be clear about that!
I also want to share some of the lessons that I've noticed and some things that you might be able to apply in your home.
This lesson has become glaringly obvious lately.
You are responsible for your culture.
Recently I overheard some coaches complaining about players being late. The funny thing was, this group of coaches is consistently late themselves. They are responsible for the culture that they are complaining about. Not only do they tolerate players being late, but they also model that behavior by being late themselves.
Being responsible for your culture is both a blessing and a curse. We can see the negative impact in the example above.
This is also a blessing because if you want to change your culture, it starts with YOU.
Be the change that you want to see.
How are you responsible for the culture in your home, both the good and the bad?
How can you take responsibility for your culture? Where would you like to start BEing different?
For me in my home, it's positioning myself as the hero by avoiding my tendency to complain and blame. It's creating a culture of responsibility and BEing the hero of our own stories.
Excitement is contagious!
It's been fun to coach with these coaches. One of the new coaches is my son's favorite coach. When I asked him, "Why?", he said, because he's always happy and excited. This coach is one big buff, athletic-looking, dude! When he gets excited, it's a little scary because he's so massive, but EVERYONE around him gets excited.
What if you got excited every time you saw your teen? What if that was one of your new ways of BEing? What impact would that have on you and your teen's life?
For me, it's celebrating my teen's victories and successes. It's being excited to see him and spend time with him.
Call to ACTION!
Join the Firmly Founded Parent membership TODAY!!
Stress is Impacting EVERYONE These Days!
This DOESN'T Have To Be A Bad Thing!
What You and Your Teen Can Do!
Here are a few things that you and your teen can try to help you gain some power and control over your stress and anxiety.
- Gain some awareness when it comes to stress and anxiety.
- Most people avoid feeling stress and anxiety, and because they avoid it, they never fully experience it, and they never truly become aware of what's trully going on.
- To gain some awareness around it start with the feeling itself and explore it.
- When you feel stressed and/or anxious, identify it.
- Explore what it feels like.
- Where do you feeling it?
- How often do you feel it and when are you most likely to feel it?
- How long do you feel it and how intensely do you feel it?
- Next move to the thoughts that precede it.
- What where you thinking just before you started feeling anxious?
- What triggered those thoughts?
- What subconscious thoughts might have triggered the feeling.
- Then move to the actions that follow the feelings.
- When I feel stressed and anxious, what do I want to do?
- What do I NOT want to do?
- What habits to I engage in when I feel this way?
- Develop some intentional habits and practices when you feel stressed and anxious.
- I hate to tell you this, but stress and anxiety aren't going away, but you CAN create some intentional habits and practices that you would like to fall back on when you do feel anxious or nervous.
- For me, I am in the habit of exploring and understanding it.
- I'm also in the habit of "Doing Scary Things."
- That's right. When I'm nervous, I intentionally do the thing making me nervous. I want to BE someone who does scary things.
- Develop some routines that help you prevent, minimize, and manage stress and anxiety.
- I recommend doing daily thought downloads to help you be aware of the thoughts behind your stress and anxiety.
- Some of my clients really benefit from bedtime/sleep routines.
- Some of my clients really benefit from morning routines.
- Weekend routines may help.
- Identify what you can and can't control and shift your focus.
- I've noticed a pattern with people who are feeling stressed and anxious, they focus on things outside of their control.
- They focus on things from the past (outside of their control) or things from the future (again, outside of their control).
- When you are stressed and anxious, identify what you are focusing on that is outside of your control.
- Then, identify a few things that you can control and shift your focus to that and TAKE CONTROL!
- Remember that NOTHING has gone wrong!
- Stress and anxiety don't have to be bad!
- What you are going through can be for your good.
- It can make you stronger.
- This is part of being human.
How to Be Intentional With Your Interpretations.
First, you have to be aware of what your interpretations are.
To do this, practice awareness throughout the day. When you notice an interpretation, identify and label it. "This is an interpretation."
Thought downloads are also powerful tools to help you identify your interpretations. Any time you find yourself saying things like, "It's not fair," "My teen's lazy," "I'm not good enough," or "This is bad."
These are all interpretations.
Second, once you've become aware of your interpretations, you can start to be intentional about how you interpret things. When you identify and label your interpretation, intentionally more your attention to your desired interpretation.
It might look like this.
"My son is lazy. Wait, that's an interpretation. I move my attention to the interpretation that my son is doing his best."
Boom!
We identified the unintentional interpretation and moved our attention to an intentional interpretation.
This will impact the rest of the stories that we tell ourselves.
Third, as you do this, practice new intentional interpretations by doing models. In the first step I invited you to do thought downloads. Once you've done this, you can do an unintentional model and an intentional model based on the thoughts and interpretations that you identified in your thought downloads.
Call to ACTION!
My BETA Impact Parenting Program is now live, but the doors close TOMORROW, Friday, Aug. 13th at 11:59 MDT.
If you want to take your parenting to the next level, I want you to be a part of this program.
Space is limited! Get in before it's too late.
Join TODAY!!
YES! I WANT IN!!
YOU Have the Power to BE the ChangeMost parents, in fact, most human beings, go around blaming others for things that they want to change.
They position themselves as the victim in life and in the stories they tell themselves.
You have the power to create change, when you are willing to be the change you are looking for. When you stop trying to change others, you change YOU!
3 Reasons Why Being the Change Is SO Powerful
#1 You Become the Hero!
When you commit to BEing the change, you become the hero of your own life. You become the hero in your mind and in the stories that you tell yourself.
#2 You Focus On ONLY What You CAN Control!
BEing the change shifts your focus from all of the many, many, things outside of your control to the very few things that you can actually control.
#3 You Become a Powerful Example!
BEing the change, positions you as an example. By BEing the change, you model the way of BEing and behaving that you would like others to adopt.
BEing the Change & Inside-Out vs Outside-In
OUTSIDE-IN
Most people try to change things outside of themselves hoping it will change something within themselves. They focus on things outside of themselves and outside of their control, like getting their teen to change or get better grades or have a better attitude, thinking this will change something inside of themselves, like how they think, feel, and/or act.
One of my clients recently realized that when she tries to change things from the outside in, she goes into “Control Freak Mode.” Her words, not mine.
When you focus on things outside of your control, you position yourself as the victim in your life and in the stories you tell about yourself. This makes you dependent upon others changing so you can be happy.
INSIDE-OUT
This means changing things on the inside of you, trusting it will change things on the outside.
To do this, you have to let go of your desired results and trust that changing YOU is enough. Your desired results might be for your teen to get better grades, stop looking at porn, or to be kinder to others. You cannot control those outcomes, but you can control how you think about it, feel about it, and act in response.
When you focus on the few things within your control, for example, how you think, how you feel, and how you act, you gain power over those things.
When you change from the inside out, you will start to see that things outside of your control begin to change as they are impacted by YOUR internal change.
Powerful Questions Facilitate Change
The quality of the questions you are willing to ask yourself will determine the quality of your results. Ask yourself quality questions every day!
Most people are unwilling to ask and/or answer quality questions, and when they are confronted with powerful questions, most people give the easy answer, “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know”, simply means, “I’m not willing to figure this out right now.”
Get in the habit of exploring these and similar questions EVERY DAY!
Call to ACTION!
I'm getting ready to launch my BETA program for parents, Impact: Parenting Transformation. And I want YOU to help me make it the best program ever.
Leading up to the launch I'm offering a Free 3 Day Live Be the Change Parent Training Aug. 2nd, 5th, and 9th @ 2PM MDT.
This free training started on Monday, but when you register, you will get access to the replays and the next live trainings.
Register for the 3 Day Live Be the Change Training by clicking the link below.
YES! I WANT IN!!
We Are Designed To Follow Patterns
Our brain is designed to identify and create patterns. We do this in an effort to conserve energy, increase our chances of survival, and make life easier.
This isn't a bad thing. So many of the things that we do are based on patterns that we've picked up. Many of these patterns help us be healthy, productive, and happy humans.
There are, however, patterns that do not serve us.
Have you heard the story of the mother who cut the end off the ham before she put it in the pan to cook? When asked why she did this, her answer was something like, "I'm not sure. I think it helps it cook better. I just learned it from my mother." So they called her mother and asked, "Why do we cut the end off the ham to bake it?" She replied, "I don't know. That's just what my mother did." So they called her mother, the grandmother of the original mother, and asked, "Why do we cut the ends off of the ham before baking?" The grandmother replied, "I don't know why you do it, but when I cooked ham we had a small oven and even smaller pan, and I had to cut the ends off so it would fit."
This is an example of a pattern that simply gets adopted and blindly continued over and over.
I notice this in my life when I yell at my kids. I sound just like my parents did when they yelled at me.
This is simply a pattern that I learned and adopted in my own life.
BUT, there's power in being aware of this! I see that if I disrupt these patterns NOW, my kids will benefit from the new patterns that I establish.
This goes along with one of my teachings about being herd animals. Following pre-established patterns is part of what we do as heard animals. We do this to help us fit it. It's what we do.
Notice where you are following the patterns of the herd.
Find it in your thoughts, emotions, and actions.
Then intentionally disrupt the pattern and create new patterns.
YOU Can Be The Pattern Disrupter!
If you are like most human beings, you're living by a set of patterns that you repeat regularly without really even thinking about what you are doing?
If you never question your patterns, you will never change!
You can be the pattern disrupter.
I've seen this with families that have had abuse be part of the family dynamic for generations. You can be the disruption that changes generations of negative patterns.
Generations of beliefs, poverty, weight struggles, ways of BEing can all be changed with YOU!
You have the power to be a pattern disrupter.
Be the change you want to see!
I Want To Help You Disrupt Your Patterns!
Are you stuck in your patterns?
Have you tried to change over and over, but nothing sticks.
If you're like most of my clients, you do better for a few weeks, only to get completely derailed by your teen's actions.
You are likely following a lot of the patterns that your parents followed.
Commit to going all in.
BE the disruption.
Create new intentional patterns!
If not you, then who? If not now, when?
Call to ACTION!
I'm getting ready to launch my BETA program for parents, Impact: Parenting Transformation. And I want YOU to help me make it the best program ever.
Leading up to the launch I'm offering a Free 3 Day Live Be the Change Parent Training starting Aug. 2nd @ 2PM MDT.
You can register for the 3 Day Live Be the Change Training by clicking the link below.
YES! I WANT IN!!
What are Habitual Beliefs?
Habitual beliefs are beliefs that are simply habits. If you're like most people, you think and believe them without even realizing it. Just like most other habits, you've thought and believed these beliefs so many times that they come completely natural to you and it all happens unconsciously.
Most people believe their habitual thoughts are actually fact or truth. When this happens, you start to incorporate your habitual beliefs as part of your identity.
Habitual beliefs create habitual emotions. Emotions that underscore other emotions.
Where Did Your Habitual Beliefs Come From and How Do They Benefit You?
Developing awareness is one of the most powerful things you can do in all areas of your life. I talk about awareness ALL OF THE TIME! So, here we go again.
It's powerful to understand where these habitual beliefs came from and when you started developing the habit of thinking this way. This awareness and understanding will give you the power to shift your beliefs.
Take some time to really explore where your habitual beliefs came from. When did you start thinking this way?
Next, explore, "How have these beliefs served me"?
Everything you believe benefits you on some level. Find the benefits so you are fully aware of what's going on.
How Are Your Habitual Beliefs No Longer Benefiting You?
When I believe, "I'm not good enough" I hold myself back. I feel regular self-doubt. I don't take risks, and I don't do scary things like building my business.
How are your beliefs no longer benefiting you?
One of my clients had the habitual belief, "Bad grades can ruin your life." For her, this belief started at a very young age. She was told that she needed to get good grades to be successful. This belief has benefited her in her life because she earned very good grades. She got scholarships to help her go to college. She learned how to work hard.
But, she realized that this belief was no longer serving her. When she applied this belief to her teen she felt scared, which led to the action of her trying to control and/or fix her teen and make him get better grades, which created the result of a lot of tension in their relationship.
Choosing New Habitual Beliefs
YOU have the power to choose what you will think and believe. You have the power to choose what thoughts and beliefs you will give attention to. You are where your attention is.
You don't have to be driven by your old habitual beliefs.
They may have benefited you in the past, but if they are no longer benefiting you, you can choose new beliefs.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR HABITUAL BELIEFS!
How to Shift Your Habitual Beliefs
- Distance yourself from the habitual belief
- This will help you to stop identifying as your habitual belief.
- Acknowledge that the belief has served you in the past, but that this belief no longer serves you.
- Dismiss the old belief and move your attention to your new belief.
Call to ACTION!
I'm getting ready to launch my BETA program for parents, Impact Parenting Program. And I want YOU to help me make it the best program ever.
If you are interested in getting in at founding member pricing (a huge discount) and helping me build something that will benefit parents of teens just like you, click the link below to get on the waitlist, and I'll notify you when I'm ready to launch. It's coming soon!
YES! I WANT FIRST ACCESS!! benpughcoaching.com/waitlist
100% Responsibility = Power
We live in a world that often refuses to be responsible and to take responsibility.
As a result, it's common to blame others.
Lately, in my own life, I've been extra aware of the blaming that takes place around me, especially when I'm guilty of doing the blaming.
I've noticed two things over and over, . . .
1 Blaming positions you as the victim, every time!
2 Taking 100% responsibility empowers you, EVERY TIME!
What is 100% Responsibility?
First of all, I want to be 100% clear, taking responsibility is not blaming yourself for everything. It's not taking the fall for everyone else.
100% Responsibility is taking responsibility for your reality and your part in creating it.
BEing responsible means accepting that you are the one creating your results and your reality.
It means that no one is coming to save you or to fix your problems but you.
It is all up to you, and that's the best news ever!
Blaming puts your focus on things outside of your control, making you the victim.
Taking 100% responsibility puts your focus on things within your control, making you in control.
That is empowering!
When you are 100% responsible, you have the power to be the change that you are looking for.
Blaming Turns You Into the Victim.
Like I said earlier, when you blame others, you shift your focus to things outside of your control. This turns you into a victim. Now, in your mind, you are at the mercy of the person or thing that you are blaming. Rather than having the power to change your circumstances, you depend on others to change.
I see this a lot with parents who are struggling with their teens. Rather than being 100% responsible, they are willing to be 90% responsible, but they still want to blame their teen for things.
"I know I'm not perfect, and I'm doing my best, but my teen . . . "
What if, there is no blame, no fault, and no reason for blame or fault.
That completely frees you up to focus on what you can control.
So Now What?
#1 Increase Your awareness around responsibility and blaming.
#2 Identify what you can control and take responsibility for that.
#3 Shift Your Mindset
#4 Practice, practice, practice
Call to ACTION!
I'm getting ready to launch my BETA program for parents, Impact Parenting Program. And I want you to help me make it the best program ever.
If you are interested in getting in at founding member pricing (a huge discount), and helping me build something that will benefit parents of teens just like you, click the link below to get on the waitlist and I'll notify you when I'm ready to launch.
YES! I WANT FIRST ACCESS!!
What are Values?
Values are your beliefs about what is and is not important. Values are our principles, standards, and priorities.
Values are deep-seated beliefs and ways of thinking that motivate and drive our actions.
Your values live in your subconscious thoughts. Usually, you don't even know about them, but they still impact your actions and behaviors, such as unconscious habits.
Your values are a way of BEing. You live and express your values subconsciously without even thinking.
Your values drive you.
Your current results and reality are a reflection of your values.
“Whatever you have and do not have is a reflection of your values.”
~ Jim Fortin
What are YOUR Values?
If you're like most people, you've never stopped to think, "What are my values? What values am I going to let drive my life today?"
You've probably just lived your life without putting much thought into your values.
If you want to know what your values are, look at your current reality.
What is your current reality and what is it telling you about your values?
Are you fighting with your teen a lot? You might value control or being right.
How do you feel in your current relationships? What are your relationships telling you about your values?
Your Values Belong to You, NOBODY ELSE!
Your values belong to you and nobody else. You can't force your values on anyone else. You can't expect others to live up to your values, value your values, or meet your needs associated with your values.
Your values are yours.
Many of us share values. Some are outer values like religion, politics, sports teams. Many of us share inner values like integrity, hard work, freedom.
Ultimately it's your job to live aligned with your values.
It's nice when people value our values, but that's not within our control.
I invite you to respect and value the values of others. It doesn't mean that you have to agree with them or go against your values, just don't try to change them to embrace your values.
Love languages is a great example of this.
You're empowered by knowing your love languages. It's powerful knowing your spouse's love language. But it's not your job to meet their emotional needs. It's yours. Same with values.
It's Possible to Live Conflicting Values
Sometimes people live with conflicting values. This causes emotional discomfort.
Understand & Choose Your Values
Seek to understand your current values. Look at your current results and reality for evidence of what your values are. When you develop this awareness and understanding, you can develop more intentionality.
When you understand what values are creating your current reality, you can choose if you want to continue allowing those values to drive your life.
You have the power to choose your values.
You have the power to let go of values that no longer serve you.
Recently I chose to let go of my value of Hard Work. I was raised on a farm. I grew up milking cows, hauling hay, and working with large animals. It was hard work. I learned to value hard work. I believed that my value was tied to my ability to work hard.
Some of My Current Values
- Freedom
- Family
- Relationships
- Personal Growth
- Service
- Honesty
- Faith
- Kindness
- Impact and Influence
Call to ACTION!
Join our parenting membership. You can transform yourself as a parent!
Join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
When you judge your teens, you disconnect with them.
“When I pull back and look at the big picture, does it matter if my kid sleeps all day? (. . .) In the big scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.”
~ Marika Humphreys
"It was helpful to question and really let go of my expectations of what I thought my kid should be doing, and that was the gateway towards acceptance of who my child really is, and now I see them as the amazing kid they are."
~ Marika Humphreys
"I stopped judging my kid, and I know I'm closer to them than ever before."
~ Marika Humphreys
What if What You Think Is A Problem, Isn't a Problem.
Many of the problems that we see, are only "problems" because the world around us tells us they are problems.
Often, it's our judgement that something is a problem that creates our emotional discomfort.
Don't Try to Control, Change, and/or Fix Their Kids
When we can let go of control, we start to connect with our teens.
I Have the Confidence to Trust MYSELF and MY Teen
It's my job to foster who my kids are, and I can do that! I am the best parent to do this.
Your teen will help you to grow as a parent.
Call to ACTION!
Connect with Marika at www.CoachMarika.com
Become A Firmly Founded Parent today. You can transform yourself as a parent!
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in changing from the inside out when it comes to your parenting.
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
The Myth of Parenting on The Same Page
The myth of parenting on the same page is that it will "fix" all of your problems in your relationship and with your teens.
The myth is that when you parent on the same page, you will magically agree with everything that your spouse does. Or even better yet, they will magically agree with everything that you do.
The Problem with "Same Page" Parenting
I have many problems with same page parenting.
I've seen spouses manipulate each other in name of "Parenting on the Same Page." I've seen one parent try to control, change, or fix the other parent, convinced that they are the whole problem.
Oftentimes parents will both abandon their values and inner strengths in an effort to meet in the middle somewhere. Now you've got two parents parenting out of alignment with their personal values and strengths.
When parents try to parent on the same page, one or both often begin to see themselves as a victim in the relationship, at the mercy of the other.
Why It's Important to Parent on the Same Team, Not on the Same Page
By now I'm sure you've noticed that I love sports analogies. They make sense in my brain.
Look at your parenting relationship with your spouse as being on a team.
On teams, there are different members of the same team who have different strengths, skills, and values.
When you parent from the mentality of being on the same team, you empower the other parent to embrace their values, strengths, and skills to be the best that they can be.
You allow them to be them.
You trust that what they bring to the team is exactly what is needed. You notice and appreciate what they bring to the table.
How Parent on the Same Team (even when you're NOT on the same page)
- Define Your Own Values
- If you're like most parents, you've never taken the time to define your own values.
- DO IT!
- This will help you know what is truly important to you.
- Look to your current reality and results.
- Some values you may want to ditch.
- Some values you will want to double down on.
- Define Your Own Role and Purpose
- It's no one's job but your own to tell you what your job is as a parent.
- Clearly define who you want to be as a parent.
- This will help guide you in tough parenting moments.
- Explore Your Own Strengths and Skills
- Believe it or not you have strengths and skills that no one else has!
- You are uniquely equipped to help your teen in ways that no one else can.
- Know your strengths and play to them.
- Develop and hone your skills as a parent.
- Seek to Understand and Appreciate Your Spouse as They Are
- Your spouse has their own values.
- They have their own role and purpose.
- They have their own strengths and skills.
- Appreciate that they bring things to the table that you simply can't do.
- Find Ways to Be on THEIR Team!
- You don't have to be the team captain.
- It's usually easier to join their team than to get them to join yours.
- Find ways to support them and make them look good!
- Protect them.
- Help them thrive and succeed.
Call to ACTION!
Become A Firmly Founded Parent today. You can transform yourself as a parent!
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in changing from the inside out when it comes to your parenting.
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
“Once you accept everything, and you become aware of how you're feeling and why your feeling that way, you can then move forward. instead continually just regressing backwards.”
~ Abdallah
Abdallah Was Committed Because He Invested in Himself
Abdallah's mom invited Abdallah to invest in himself and his future.
It's painful to part with $500, but he trusted that it would be worth it.
Teens get more value from coaching when they are fully committed and have invested in themselves.
This motivated Abdallah to do the work and go ALL IN!
Weekly Assignments and Why They Work
The work is easy, but it impacts your life.
It's one thing to put pen to paper, but when you internalize it and start to own it, that's when change starts to happen.
It's not enough to do the assignments on a superficial level. It's important to dig deep and get vulnerable and uncomfortable to start seeing change.
When you give it time to sink in, think about it, and meditate on it, the more powerful they become.
Growth and Evidence of Growth What is Emotional Health
Becoming more vulnerable. Having real vulnerable conversations. To have real vulnerable conversations, that I can hardly talk to someone in person about that. I don't think I could have done those kind of conversations. It was still difficult. Understanding that you can be vulnerable with yourself. You don't have to be vulnerable with everyone you meet. You create an environment where it is acceptable to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is how to stop self-deception.
We try to pretend that we are tough and not feeling negative emotions, but vulnerability is more powerful.
Increased emotional health.
After coaching, you know you can experience every and ALL emotions. Not only can you experience the emotions, but you can also identify and process the emotions.
Most Powerful Coaching Session
I was taught to not share emotions or get vulnerable. Once you accept everything, and you become aware of how you're feeling and why your feeling that way, you can then move forward. instead continually just regressing backwards.
Abdallah was avoiding emotions in our coaching sessions. This was just a small sample of what was going on in his life. In wrestling, Abdallah was avoiding experiencing the doubt, fear, and shame that he thought would come with losing.
When we peeled back the emotions, and experienced them, Abdallah realized that the emotions weren't so bad.
We created a mental and emotional game plan for Abdallah's wrestling match. The mental and emotional game plan, coupled with the physical game plan set up Abdallah for success in the tournament.
Once you've experienced the pain, there's no reason to shield yourself from the pain. You can just let lose and go all in.
Stop over coaching yourself and just trust yourself.
There was never anything wrong with you. I didn't fix you. I gave you some tools and helped you use them.
The most powerful thing of the coaching sessions, yes it took some guidance, but EVERYTHING I needed, I already had within me.
Call to ACTION!
How would your life be better if you got coaching for yourself?
How would your life be different if your teen learned the tools of self-coaching?
You have the power to create real change in your life and the life of your teen.
We have a group coaching program for both of you. Join TODAY!
Join Firmly Founded Parent and Teen TODAY!
Times I've Tried to Change From the Outside In.
I've got to be honest. I am guilty of trying to change things from the outside in. Even with everything that I know, I still find myself trying to change things from the outside in.
Just yesterday, in fact it was probably today at like 12:30 am on the way home from my oldest son's basketball tournament, I tried to change something from the outside in.
I wanted my son to go to summer football workouts the next morning and he didn't want to. I tried to change his mind. I tried to help him see that he was missing out on an opportunity to show up when tons of his teammates will be missing football due to the previous late night.
I tried to help him see that this would be a powerful moment for him to demonstrate his commitment to football to his team and his coaches.
I wanted to change him, how he was showing up in football, and I was losing this battle.
I was totally trying to change something outside of myself, hoping it would change something inside of myself.
I thought, if I could just get him to go to football, he'd be a better football player, he'd dominate the game, everyone would know that my offspring is superior in the sport of football, and I'd be proud!
Inside Out vs Outside In
Most people try to change things from the outside in.
In parenting you might try to change your teen, your spouse, or your teen's choices, all so you can feel better inside.
When it comes to health, you might try to change your exercise routine, your diet, or your doctor, all so you can be healthier on the inside.
When it comes to wealth, you might try to work extra hours, get a new job or win the lottery, all so that on the inside you can enjoy the benefits of wealth.
The problem is, these are all efforts to change something on the outside so you can experience change on the inside.
Often times when you try to change things outside of yourself, you are focusing on things that you cannot control.
The most powerful way to change is from the inside out!
In PARENTING, rather that trying to change your spouse or teen so you can feel peace and confidence, YOU can BE THE CHANGE!
Change how YOU Think, Feel, and Act. These are all internal changes. Change YOU and how you are BEing.
When it comes to health, change who you are on the inside. I AM HEALTHY! Then, live from that place. As a healthy person, . . . I only eat food that fuels my body, . . . I enjoy regular vigorous activity.
See how the change starts from the inside and then radiates outward?
When it comes to wealth, choose to be wealthy. Choose to be generous and helpful. Choose to be intentional with your money. These all start on the inside.
How to Change from the Inside Out
Step #1 - Awareness
As is the case so often, the first step is awareness. WHERE AM I TRYING TO CHANGE FROM THE OUTSIDE->IN?
Step #2 - Identify & Shift
Step #3 - Practice
Call to ACTION!
Join our parenting membership. You can transform yourself as a parent!
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in changing from the inside out when it comes to your parenting.
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
What Tough Parenting Moments DO & DON'T Mean
Becoming a Professional Parent
No one shames professional athletes for working to improve themselves. We actually respect them for their dedication and hard work.
Don't let others hold you back because of their thoughts or their shame. You can improve as a parent with dedication and hard work.
I Should vs I Want vs I Will vs I AM!
Should doesn't serve us. It holds us back.
An up grade from "I should" is "I want." The next step is, "I will." But, the most powerful belief is "I AM!"
When you go from thinking, "I should be better," to believing, "I AM a great parent," you will find that you have way more power than you realize. You will start to parent with confidence and purpose because you trust yourself.
What are your "I" statements? What do you believe about who you are? What are your values?
What are the "I" statements that you need to be the parent that you want to be?
Your teens will pattern their personal beliefs off of your "I" and "you" statements.
How to Practice for Tough Parenting Moments
It's okay to want to be your best.
The Wheel of Life is a visual concept that I teach to help parents and teens understand that life is 50/50. It’s 50% pleasant and 50% unpleasant. This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong.
When things are going great in our lives, we are on the top of the wheel. When things kind of suck, or things aren’t going how we want them to, we are on the bottom of the wheel.
Sometimes, when we are on the top of the wheel, we forget to enjoy where we are in life’s journey, and we forget that being on the top isn’t going to last forever. This leads us to think that something has gone wrong when we find ourselves on the bottom of the wheel.
When we are on the top of the wheel is the best time to prepare for the inevitable times that are coming when we will be on the bottom of the wheel.
When we practice when we are on the top of the wheel, when things are going well, we can prepare for future struggles. This is an opportunity to be intentional about who we are and how we want to live. This way, when things get tough, we are prepared to be who we want to be.
This is how you can prepare yourself for tough parenting moments. When you're on the top of the wheel, identify "How can I use the to prepare for when I'm on the bottom of the wheel?"
Then, when you're on the bottom of the wheel, realize that you have prepared for this. Trust yourself and show up with confidence as the best version of yourself as you can.
How to Connect with Zach Spafford
Zack and his wife are the hosts of The Self Mastery Podcast.
You can check it out by clicking here:
https://www.zachspafford.com/podcast
You can also connect with Zach on Instagram here:
https://www.instagram.com/zachspafford.selfmasterycoach/
Call to ACTION!
Join our parenting membership. You can transform yourself as a parent, and we want to help.
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in developing confidence in yourself and your parenting.
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
Transformation VS Improvement.
Improvement focuses on better whereas transformation focuses on different.
Usually, improvement is focused on the perceived problems, and simply improving how we respond to the problem.
Transformation on the other hand is focused on the vision of what could be and becoming the vision.
There is a time a place for both transformation and improvement.
To Transform or to Improve, That is The Question
Like I said, there is a time and a place for both transformation and improvement.
You get to decide where you are and what you need.
You can achieve both through coaching, but it's up to you to know and understand what YOU want to be working on.
How to Achieve Parenting Transformation
Step #1 Start with Awareness
This is my favorite place to start. Take some time to develop some awareness about where you are in your own personal growth. Become aware of what is going on around you and within you. Understand not only the what, but the why and the impact it is having on you.
I see lots of people skipping this step. They want a transformation. They know they are not happy as they are, but they don't really take the time to deeply understand why.
Become aware of what you CAN and CAN'T control, what you want to control and what you don't want to control, and what you're willing to control and what you're not willing to control. This awareness will help prepare you for step #2.
For more on awareness checkout Episode 39, Awareness Before Intention
Step #2 Be Willing to Let Go of Things
This step is huge! In fact, currently the biggest struggle that I see with the parents that I work with is their unwillingness to let go of things. And 99% of the time, the things parents have the hardest time letting go of are the things that aren't actually within their control.
Be willing to let go of the things that you cannot control.
Be willing to let go of things that are not your priority. We live in a world that has normalized trying to do E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. We end up doing so many things that we can't do any of them well.
If it's not a priority, stop doing it.
This step is key to getting a transformation! When you commit to doing less, you'll actually get way more done!
Step #3 Be intentional
Being intentional is vital to creating a parenting transformation. Being unintentional is likely what has created your current circumstance. Most of what we do is unintentional. By shifting into intention, you will change who you are BEing.
To do this, really explore . . .
WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?
WHAT ARE MY VALUES?
WHAT ARE MY PRIORITIES?
WHAT ARE THE RESULTS I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH AS A PARENT?
This doesn't mean that you will magically be perfectly intentional. Learn from the times that you are living out of intention. Recommit to BEing the change that you want to see.
Summer Is Perfect For Transformation
I believe that summer time is actually a better time to achieve a transformation, especially for parents like you!
Summer is only 2-3 months. You're not committing to a whole year like you did in January. It's doable.
You've got this.
Call to ACTION!
Join our parenting membership. You can transform yourself as a parent, and we want to help.
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
"It's not how we make mistakes, but how we correct them that defines us."
~ Rachel Wolchin
#3 Catastrophizing!
This is one of my all-time favorites. Some people have accused me of making this word up, but it's a real word with a real definition.
catastrophize
: to imagine the worst possible outcome of an action or event: to think about a situation or event as being a catastrophe or having a potentially catastrophic outcome
This is one of the biggest mistakes that I make as a parent and that I see many of my clients making. They will see a circumstance, maybe their teen's action, and they will start worrying about the worst possible outcome.
"They'll die in a ditch somewhere," or, "They'll ruin their future," or, "They'll live in my basement FOREVER!"
I am guilty of doing this. When my sons want to blow off practice for their sport, my brain goes to, "They'll probably never play, if they even make the team at all."
#2 Trying to Fix, Change, or Control Your Teen.
This one is HUGE! This one rivals number one on this list. Again, this is something that I am often guilty of as a parent. And, it is something that I see over and over with the parents that I work with. Whether it's happening in my life, my clients lives, or your life, I can tell you this; you CANNOT fix, change, or control anyone else!
Not only is this something that you cannot do, but it will cause huge amounts of frustration and negative emotion in your life.
Trying to fix, change, or control your teen is trying to get part of their model to fit into your result line in your model.
Bonus - Honorable Mentions
- Not knowing and/or defining your core values as a parent.
- Not knowing and/or defining your role as a parent.
- Trying to be perfect
- Thinking you're not good enough
#1 Focusing On Things OUTSIDE of Your Control
This is the #1 thing that I am seeing right now in my own life and in my experience working with parents that is a "mistake." And, by mistake I mean that this is an action that they are taking that does not lead to the results that they want.
Recently I've worked with parents who are obsessed about the decisions that their teens are or are not making in regards to life choices, like school, grades, graduation, college, and marriage.
I've coached parents who are upset with their in-laws. They want them to behave differently when it comes to their grandkids and their roles as grandparents.
I recently coached a parent who found out about some of her teens actions from years in the past that could come with some pretty severe consequences. She is so worried about how others will take the news, whether her son will take responsibility, what will the family think, and so on.
In every circumstance, the answer is the same - identify what's within your control and what's outside of your control, let go of the things outside of your control, and double your focus on the things that are within your control.
Call to ACTION!
Stop beating yourself up for your parenting "mistakes".
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in developing confidence in yourself and your parenting.
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
Angie is a mom of 4 and wanted to get coaching to be more intentional with her parenting.
She realized that she was doing a lot of parenting out of either shame or fear. She was worried about what others thought about her and her parenting. This lead to her parenting in an attempt to please others that wasn't actually aligned with her values.
I wanted to share with you some of Angie's parenting models that she shared with us on the podcast.
C- Teen's choices
T- She's going to ruin her future or chances (What happens this year is final).
F- Fear
A- Nagging, threatening. trying to control her.
R- Negative interactions with daughter
C- Teen's choices
T- I am a great parent
F- Excitement
A- Pay attention to my kids.
R- A better relationship with my kids.
When parents parent out of fear, they are likely catastrophizing!
I use the term catastrophizing to mean when parents are thinking of all the worst possible scenarios. They are worried that they or their teen are doing something terribly wrong that will have a detrimental impact on their teen's life.
Catastrophizing always leads to parenting out of fear or shame.
Angie found that if she trusts her teenager, she shows up differently as a mom.
It's so Important to Develop Confidence As A Parent
it was fun to hear Angie talk about having confidence in her own parenting. She described it as, "Understanding my own values. Working through my own values. Understanding what I believe in, and having the confidence to parent that way, even if it looks different from what other people do."
If you never take the time to define what your role is, your role probably won't match the vision you have for yourself.
Many times we think we need to try to control our teens to prove that we're a good parent., but this is playing by other people's rules. You're trying to do what others think is important when it comes to parenting and this will defeat you.
Instead, believe that YOU ARE a good parent.
Angie said, "I'm a great parent by my own standards." This is all that matters. It doesn't matter what other parents think about you, parent to your standards and expectations.
When You Define Your Role, You Can Be Intentional In That Role.
Because Angie knows her personal role as a parent, she is able to be intentional with her relationships with her kids.
Often times we feel like we are at the mercy of our teens when it comes to our role as a parent or our relationship with them. Instead, think of a newborn. You love them no matter what. You are choosing to love them no matter what. For some reason, we forget how to do that with our teens.
Teens are just doing their best. Often times they look like adults, and they act like adults, but their brains are not yet fully developed. Keep this in mind when it comes to connecting with your teen.
Call to ACTION!
Stop beating yourself up for your parenting "mistakes".
Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!
This is the first and most powerful step in developing confidence in yourself and your parenting.
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
YOU Can Be The Change You Want To See!
I know I always say this, but it's still true! You CAN be the change that you want to see in your teen.
Lately, I've done a lot of relationship coaching on with one spouse or another about their relationship with their spouse, or with a mother-in-law, or with a parent. I use the same rules to coach them on these relationships as I use to coach them on their relationship with their teen.
You cannot change your spouse, your mother-in-law, or your parents. If you try, it will only cause contention. Your focus will be on them and their model and not on you or your model. This will put you in the position of the victim and you will have no power to change anything.
Instead, I invite you to explore how YOU can be the change that you want to see in your these relationships.
What Is a Relationship Transformation?
Relationship transformations happen when you change how you think about the other person in the relationship, how you feel towards them, and how you act towards them.
Notice that it DOES NOT require the other person to change or do anything.
How You Think:
How you think about someone dictates how to feel about them and towards them.
Your thoughts are simply the stories in your head that you tell yourself about the other person. Maybe stories like:
"They are so selfish," or
"They only think of themselves," or
"They are the ones who should . . ."
The stories you tell yourself about them will determine how you feel about and towards them.
Try stories like:
"They are doing their best," or
"I like it when they . . . " or
"I'm grateful for the way they . . . "
This will help create more loving and compassionate stories.
How You Feel:
Again, this is created by what you think. Take a minute and explore how you are feeling towards the other person.
Is it anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, or some other unpleasant emotion?
How would you like to feel towards them, love, compassion, patience, curiosity?
Once you understand how you feel and why (what thoughts are creating those feelings), you can now start to work on feeling the way you want to feel towards them (by intentionally choosing how you think about them).
How You Act:
Your feelings are constantly driving actions and inactions. How are you currently acting towards your loved one?
Are you trying to change them? Are you arguing with them, yelling at them, fighting with them.
How you would you like to act towards them? What would that change for YOU?
Transformations In My Life (From Caterpillar to Butterfly)
I have been blessed to witness powerful transformations in my life.
My brother Jason and I had a really rough relationship....Check out the rest of the story on the podcast or show notes.
Don't Simply Be a Better Caterpillar, Become a Butterfly
Let yourself completely be transformed. Let your relationships completely change. Stop holding on to old thoughts and beliefs. Let go of the grudges and the negative emotions.
Allow the transformation to happen. You'll be grateful that you did!
Call to ACTION! CLICK BELOW TO
Become the Parent of Your Dreams TODAY!
"Can You Fix Us?"
We were hoping that you could fix us and our parenting, change our parenting, and fix our teen.
There's no magical fix. You actually have to do the work.
I CAN BE THE CHANGE!
Defining Your Role as a Parent
Having the vision of "Who do I want to be as a parent?", will empower you as a parent. When you set your intention, you are more likely to parent in alignment with your vision.
Explore, "Who do I want to be as a parent?" "How do I want to show up today?"
The change you are looking for is more about you that it is about your teen.
Diana's Daily Practices
Vision Statement I read my vision statement every morning and decide how I want to be and how I want to show up for my kids.
I practice when it's easy to build the habit and to be prepared for when it's hard. I try to show up intentionally.
Connect with my kids where they are. I regularly talk to them and listen to what's important to them. I drop my judgments. We don't have to agree to connect.
Call to ACTION!
Join the Firmly Founded Parenting membership.
Get instant access to our every growing video/training library.
Join in on the monthly parenting workshops.
Get two 1:1 coaching sessions with one of our 4 certified coaches.
CLICK HERE to Join My Monthly Parenting Membership!
Human Beings are Herd Animals
This is not a bad thing. We have evolved this way. It has kept us alive as a species.
The problem is that most people aren't' aware of their herd mentality and the impact that it has on their lives and how they parent.
Some examples of herd thinking, feeling, and actions are religion, politics, and sports. There's nothing wrong with any of them, but often time people don't even realize that they are in a herd.
I've recently explored how being a herd animal is impacting how I live. From worrying about what people at church might be thinking, to wanting to fit in to my neighborhood, I have realized that I am constantly influenced my my various herds.
How Are You Being Impacted by Your Herd?
Again, being in a herd isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it might be impacting your life and your relationship with your teen in a negative way, especially if you are not aware of its impact.
Recently a mother got coaching on her teen's screen time. She said, "All these studies say that if my teen is on a screen for more than X amount of hours, they will be depressed. I'm constantly worried about her depression."
I asked, is your daughter depressed? To which the mother answered "No."
She was sucked into herd thinking. Simply adopting the thoughts and beliefs of others as her own.
Another parent recently told me about a support group that she was in. "All of the other parents in the group say . . . " Other parents were telling her things like, "Your teen should be getting better grades," or "They should be more grateful/respectful/kind/so much B.S" or "You poor thing," "It's so unfair."
This support group constantly left this parent feeling not good enough, victimized, and depressed.
How To Leave the Herd Mentality Behind.
- Awareness Is the First Step
- Understand how you are being impacted by herd mentality.
- What are some of the thoughts and believs that you have simply adopted from your herd?
- How does that impact your emotions?
- What actions are you taking to fit in with the herd?
- Be Intentional
- It's okay to think like the herd, if you're choosing to.
- It's okay to think differently from the herd.
- Emotions are less unpleasant when we manage them.
- Our emotions don't manage us when we manage them.
- Join a New Herd
- This one is SO powerful. You are the average of all the people you spend the most time with. If you don't like a particular herd, leave it and join a new one.
- Facebook groups, book clubs, parenting groups can be powerful options.
- Join the Firmly Founded Parent.
- Meet others who think like you and who are learning new ways to think.
Call to ACTION!
Join my Parenting Membership TODAY!
You'll get access to our growing video library, regular parenting workshops, and two individual 25 minute coaching session each month.
Start becoming the parent your teen wants to connect with.
Firmly Founded Parent Membership
Procrastination is a natural human habit and tendency, but you don't have to be its slave.
5 Myths About Procrastinating Teens
Myth #1 My Teen is Lazy.
Myth #2 Procrastination is a Character Flaw
Myth #3 Procrastination Will Ruin My Teen's Life
Myth #4 My Teen will ALWAYS Be a Procrastinator
Myth #5 Procrastination is a HUGE Problem
5 Truths About Procrastinating Teens
Truth #1 Procrastination is Part of Being Human
Truth #2 Your Teen Can Learn How to Stop Procrastinating
Truth #3 Your Teen Can Procrastinate and Still Be Successful
Truth #4 There Could be Countless Reasons Why Your Teen Procrastinates
Truth #5 Procrastination is Simply a Coping Tool, Often with Benefits
What Your Teen Will Learn in this Masterclass!
- How to separate facts from thoughts
- Thoughts like "I'm not smart enough," or "I can't do this" will hold you back in your efforts.
- Facts like "Test on Thursday," are manageable when we are in control of our thoughts.
- Managing emotions
- It's okay to feel overwhelmed and bored when you understand how to process them.
- Emotions are less unpleasant when we manage them.
- Our emotions don't manage us when we manage them.
- How to create homework protocols
- Create a simple plan for the time between school and bed.
- This plan will empower you to both get things done and do the things you want.
- This will empower you for doing hard things as an adult.
- How to motivate yourself
- No one can motivate you but YOU!
- What you choose to think and believe will create your motivation or lack of motivation.
- What to do when you've fallen off the wagon
- Too many times when we fall off the wagon, we choose to give up.
- There are ways to use past mistakes to empower you.
- It's never too late to get back in the driver's seat.
Call to ACTION!
Join Joey Mascio and me on a Lead Your Life Masterclass Q&A call.
Lead Your Life Masterclass Info
"External events should not affect how you feel."
~ Louis
Wheel of Life
This is a visual concept that I teach to help parents and teens understand that life is 50/50. It's 50% pleasant and 50% unpleasant. This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong.
When things are going great in our lives, we are on the top of the wheel. When things kind of suck, or things aren't going how we want them to, we are on the bottom of the wheel.
Sometimes, when we are on the top of the wheel, we forget to enjoy where we are in life's journey, and we forget that being on the top isn't going to last forever. This leads us to think that something has gone wrong when we find ourselves on the bottom of the wheel.
When we are on the top of the wheel is the best time to prepare for the inevitable times that are coming when we will be on the bottom of the wheel.
When we practice when we are on the top of the wheel, when things are going well, we can prepare for the future struggles. This is an opportunity to be intentional about who we are and how we want to live. This way, when things get tough, we are prepared to be who we want to be.
Be Intentional with The Model
With the model and some self-coaching, you can be intentional with how you parent. You can understand the emotions that are driving your actions and creating your results. You can explore the thoughts and beliefs that create those feelings and start being intentional around your thinking.
We have 60,000 thoughts per day. You can't control all of them, but controlling a few of your thoughts will have a huge impact on the rest of your thoughts.
When you find evidence of how you teen is doing their best, how you feel towards them will change, which will change how you act.
Your brain is trying to do two things, find what you're looking for and prove you right. If you believe that there is something wrong with your teen, of if you believe you're a bad parent, your brain is going to constantly look for evidence to prove your thoughts.
It's easy to be intentional for a couple of days, but eventually you will revert back to who are are, unless you make this a daily practice.
Defining Your Role as a Parent
It's easy to not be intentional about your role as a parent. Often times you can get caught up in the day to day activities and never really get clear on your role as a parent.
When you don't define your role, parenting will be more difficult.
Chose your role for you! You get to determine how you want to parent.
You can't control your children, but you can double down on your efforts to control yourself.
If you focus on your model you will be empowered. If you focus on your teen's model, you we be the victim.
Call to ACTION!
Do you have a teenager who wants to do better not procrastinating? Join me and my fellow life coach Joey Mascio on a Q & A Call for the Lead Your Life Masterclass. Click the link below!
Lead Your Life Masterclass Info
Why do Teens Procrastinate?
First of all, procrastination is just part of being a human. It's part of what we do to conserve energy and keep ourselves safe.
A lot of the teens that I work with have the habit of procrastinating in an attempt to avoid feeling an unpleasant emotion like boredom or overwhelm.
Often times when we've procrastinated, the result is more of what we were avoiding in the first place. I have one client who procrastinates her school work because she feels overwhelmed. The result of her procrastination is that she falls even further behind, which leads to even more overwhelm.
What Your Teen Will Learn in this Masterclass!
- How to separate facts from thoughts
- Thoughts like "I'm not smart enough," or "I can't do this" will hold you back in your efforts.
- Facts like "Test on Thursday," are manageable when we are in control of our thoughts.
- Managing emotions
- It's okay to feel overwhelmed and bored when you understand how to process them.
- Emotions are less unpleasant when we manage them.
- Our emotions don't manage us when we manage them.
- How to create homework protocols
- Create a simple plan for the time between school and bed.
- This plan will empower you to both get things done and do the things you want.
- This will empower you for doing hard things as an adult.
- How to motivate yourself
- No one can motivate you but YOU!
- What you choose to think and believe will create your motivation or lack of motivation.
- What to do when you've fallen off the wagon
- Too many times when we fall off the wagon, we choose to give up.
- There are ways to use past mistakes to empower you.
- It's never too late to get back in the driver's seat.
Call to ACTION!
Join Joey Mascio and me on a Lead Your Life Masterclass Q/A call.
Lead Your Life Masterclass Info
What is the Honeymoon Phase?
This podcast is in response to a question that I recently got from one of our podcast listeners. So, Gosia, this podcast is for you.
Back when my wife and I hosted a podcast about foster parenting we had an episode all about using the honeymoon phase as a foster parent.
One thing that we had noticed as foster parents was that a lot of foster parents would discredit and discount the positive behaviors of their foster kids, and say things like, "They're just on their best behavior right now," or "It's just the honeymoon phase. It won't last."
This mentality does not help you as a parent. It actually limits you as a parent, and it keeps you from taking advantage of one of the most powerful phases in your teen's life!
The honeymoon phase is simply a period of change in your teen's life, and often in their relationship with you when they are trying their best. The honeymoon phase is often short-lived and seen as "not their true behavior."
Think of a honeymoon with a young newlywed couple. They are both on their best behavior. They are both trying to impress the other person. They are both treating the other person with more love and compassion than they might down the road.
As foster parents we would often experience the honey moon phase with new foster kids, kids who were returning to our home from a court mandated stay at a detention center, or with kids, even our own kids, recently after they have gotten in trouble.
The honeymoon phase is actually a powerful time when your teen is doing their best!
Why do Parents Hate the Honeymoon Phase?
Lots of times parents think that their teenager is simply trying to manipulate them by exhibiting the behavior that the teen thinks that their parent wants to see.
I've heard parents say, "This isn't the real them", or "This won't last."
Because of this mentality, many times parents end up being upset at their teens for doing exactly what they wanted their teen to do in the first place.
As mentioned in the Arbinger Institute book, Leadership and Self-Deception, this is am example of "being in the box."
The Honeymoon Phase is Actually AMAZING!
The truth is, the honeymoon phase is AWESOME!
Think about it . . .
. . . Your teen is doing their best. . .
. . . They are trying to change and be better. . .
. . . They are on their best behavior.
The honeymoon phase is something that should be recognized, appreciated, and celebrated.
Easy Tips to Use The Honeymoon Phase
Join In On the Honeymoon Phase
Get excited with them.
Match their level of effort.
Be on your best behavior too!
Appreciate and Celebrate Their Effort
Understand that it's hard to change.
They are making a huge effort.
Be grateful for their willingness and desire to change.
Promote Growth and Set Goals
During the honeymoon phase, push yourself and your teen!
Set some goals for yourself as a parent.
Help your teen identify and set some goals.
Focus on developing new skills.
Reward and Reinforce Desired Behaviors
Compliment your teen on their efforts.
Show them that you notice.
Do something special for them.
Behaviours that get rewarded get repeated.
Focus on Building a Rock Solid Relationship
This one is HUGE!
Focus on connecting with your teen where they are.
Practice compassion, patience, curiosity.
Call to ACTION!
Get on the waitlist to join the Lead Your Life Masterclass- click the button below.
Join the Waitlist for Lead Your Life
Awareness Changes EVERYTHING!
Last week we talked about the power of awareness and how to develop the skill of awareness.
I believe that awareness should come before we try to make changes.
Many times, once we've increased our awareness, things change without us even trying to bring about change.
Intentionality is the Next Step.
It's powerful to be aware of what's truly going on in your life. Far too often, we realize that things are not going how we would like them to, and we jump straight into trying to change things.
Now that we've developed some awareness, we can start to identify things that we would like to change. From last week's exercise of developing awareness around your thoughts, feelings, and unintentional models, you now have a greater awareness of what is really going on.
Now being intentional is the next step.
Now that you've identified your unintentional thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, you can start becoming intentional with your model.
Intention Impacts Who We Are
Last week we talked about how simply changing the action doesn't create lasting change and how it's so important to develop awareness before trying to make changes.
Most of the time, after temporarily changing our actions, we go right back to being who we used to be.
Last week we used the example weight loss. Usually, people don't take the time to understand exactly what is going on or developing an awareness of what's going wrong. Instead, they jump right into a new diet or exercise program. They might experience temporary results, but without awareness, the real issue usually takes over again.
You go right back to being who you were before because your identity never changed.
Now that we have have the awareness, rather than simply changing what we do, we want to intentionally change who we are!
Someone who is extremely physically fit isn't that way simply because they exercise regularly or because they eat healthily. Instead, they exercise regularly and eat healthy because they ARE someone who is physically fit.
Simple Steps to Develop Intention and Identity
#1 Do Daily Thought Downloads
#2 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They'd Think
#3 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They'd Feel
#4 Do Unintentional and Intentional Models to Create Your Results
#5 Be Intentional and Patient
Give it some time. Be willing to practice, and practice, and practice. Continue gaining awareness, start making decisions intentionally, and practice living in alignment with your intentional model.
This is changing who you are as a parent and how you show up in the world. This will take practice and time.
Call to ACTION!
Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents become the parents that their teens love and respect.
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
FREE Consultation With Me!
Awareness Changes EVERYTHING!
Have you ever heard the saying, "You don't know what you don't know"?
This is true in our own lives. We don't know what we don't know. Often times we simply know that we want a change, but we lack the awareness to really understand exactly what it is that we want to change.
Often times we think we can simply change our actions and gets the change that we are looking for.
Simply changing the action is rarely enough to create the change that we want.
Increasing awareness also creates the Observer Effect in our lives. In science, this refers to how the act of observing something can change the outcome.
Many times in our lives, we don't actually have to actively make changes. Instead, we can increase our awareness, which is often enough to bring about the change that we are hoping for.
Awareness Is Hard and Often Uncomfortable
Awareness seems like it'd be super easy, right?
Unfortunately, it's harder than most people realize. It takes effort, willingness to explore and be vulnerable, and willingness to experience some discomfort.
It's hard because it challenges our individual identity. It compares who we think we are, who we want to be, and who we really are.
Most of us want to skip awareness and dive into the work of changing things.
Simple Steps to Develop Awareness
#1 Do Daily Thought Downloads
#2 Explore the Thoughts without Judgement and with Compassion
#3 Explore the Feelings without Judgement and with Compassion
#4 Do an Unintentional Model to Be Aware of Your Results
#5 Sit with the Awareness
You don't know what you don't know.
The more you know the more you know.
The more awareness you develop, the more you control you will develop.
Simply being aware will change some things. Be aware of that, and give yourself some space to just allow what you find.
Call to ACTION!
Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents become the parents that their teens love and respect.
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
FREE Consultation With Me!
Your Brain is Like Google
Your brain is seriously like Google. It will find whatever you are looking for, and in record time, along with tons of supporting evidence.
Dads might notice their favorite car on the road or a trophy buck up a mountainside.
Moms might notice a particularly good deal on a favorite purchase or always know where their kids' shoes are.
The brain is constantly searching for what we want to find.
I love seeing bald eagles while I'm out. When I'm in the mountains or driving by lakes, I'm always on the look out for bald eagles. As a result of this, I am always the first to see them and point them out to everybody else.
Your Brain is Constantly Trying to Prove You Right.
Not only is your brain looking for what you want to find, but it is also constantly trying to prove you right. It's constantly trying to support your thoughts and beliefs.
This is called confirmation bias. It's part of being human.
If you believe the world is a bad place full of violence and evil, you will constantly find evidence to support that.
If you believe that you are not good enough as a parent, your brain will find evidence proving you right.
If you believe that your teen is lazy, you'll see everything through a lense that supports that.
If you think your teen is ruining their life, or that they don't care about anyone other than themselves, or that they are the enemy, your brain will change how you perceive your teen, how you think about them, and how you feel towards them.
Often times we have subconscious thoughts and beliefs that we aren't even aware of, and still, our brain is working to make them true and our reality.
What are You Looking For & What Results are You Getting?
A while back, I was frustrated with my teenage son. I was complaining that he was self-centered and didn't care about anyone but himself, and I had tons of evidence to prove this. I told my wife about some of the things that I had noticed.
She asked, "Why are you focusing on all the negative things about our son?"
I was a little hurt that she wasn't on my side, but I realized she was totally right.
I committed to finding the positive instead of the negative.
Almost instantly my perception changed and I saw so many things that he was doing that were kind, thoughtful, and selfless.
I was moving my BBQ grill into my garage so I could cook out of the wind. My teenage son, who was jumping on the tramp with friends, saw me lifting the grill with a friend and jumped off to help saying, "Dad, I'll do that. I don't want you to hurt your back!"
All of a sudden my brain was flooded with evidence that my son was kind, caring, and thoughtful.
What to do about it?
Increase your awareness. Understand what you are looking for. Question why you are looking for the negative. Explore the results that you are getting and whether or not you like your results.
As you develop awareness about your mind (your thoughts, beliefs, and biases) you will begin to see where your focus on the negative has blinded you to the positive.
With increased awareness, you will be able to be more intentional about what you look for and what you believe. Rather that focusing on the negative, and searching for supporting evidence, you will find yourself searching for the positive and all the supporting evidence.
You'll begin to understand how your perception is connected to your results through your feelings and actions.
Call to ACTION!
Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents be parents that their teens love and respect.
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Teenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs!
"Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for 'calm' — chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid 100% is contagious, [ . . ] "So we like 'calm' because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand."
~ Former Navy SEAL Commander, Rorke Denver
Human Beings are Herd Animals
We like to be part of a herd or a tribe. Similar to animals, we mirror the behavior of others. We adopt many of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around us.
Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with.” Not only are you influenced by the people closest to you, but you are influenced by your society, your community, your family, anybody that you spend time with.
We can't help it. It's a survival and defense mechanism. We try to fit in with those around us.
Teens' Models Their Parents' Models
Teens subconsciously are trying to become like their parents. Sure, they are trying to grow up, be unique, and become themselves, but everything they do is processed through their brain which has been highly influenced by you.
Most people adopt the beliefs and values of their parents. You can see this in politics, religion, and even sports fandom.
This isn't bad. It's not brainwashing; it's simply how we are designed as human beings.
What you think and believe, your teen will likely think and believe.
How you feel, your teen will likely adopt.
How you act and what you do, your teen will probably mirror.
This is why it's so important that we as parents become aware of our own models.
My teen's struggling with ___________, what should I do?
"My teen's struggling with . . . "
Confidence,
Anxiety,
Motivation,
You fill in the blank.
Parents all over the country, world really, want to help their teens. They want to change their teens. They want to help them be different.
But their focus is usually in the wrong place.
Parents usually focus on their teen, on changing their teen. But this means that their focus is on something outside of their control.
When you focus on your teen, and your try to fix your teen, you only push them away.
Instead, bring the focus inward onto you. What can you do? How can you be the change that you want to see?
Understand and observe your own personal models.
Develop your own awareness, and then, develop intentionality.
Call to ACTION!
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
FREE Consultation With Me!
What is blaming?
First of all, blaming is part of being human!
As far as I know, EVERYONE blames sometimes. It's important to talk about blame because many times we do this without realizing that we are doing it.
Blaming is simply giving responsibility for something that we think has gone wrong, to someone or something else.
We live in a day and age when blaming is the norm, and it is 100% acceptable.
Why do we blame?
The main reason that we blame others is to avoid feeling certain thoughts and/or emotions.
Our brains are really good at believing what we tell them to believe. When we can blame someone else, we feel and emotional sense of relief.
We use blame as a defense against feeling unwanted emotions such as shame and embarrassment.
Blaming turns you into the victim.
When we blame others, we shift our focus to something, often someone, that is out of our control. This turns us into a victim. Now, in our minds, we are at the mercy of the person or thing that we are blaming. Rather than having the power to change our circumstances, we try to depend on others to change.
So Now What?
#1 Increase your awareness around blaming
Many of us blame others and make excuses without even thinking about it. It is a habit and part of who we are. The first step is to become aware of when you are blaming or making excuses. By doing this, you can also gain some awareness of the emotions that you are trying to avoid by blaming.
For me it is almost always, if not always, shame that I try to avoid. By blaming others, I try to shift the burden of shame to them.
#2 Identify what you can control and take responsibility for that.
Usually when we blame, we try to shift our focus from something within our control to something outside of our control.
I invite you to get curious and find what is within your control and take responsibility for that. Doesn't matter how good or true the excuse is, or how real the blame is, take responsibility for what you CAN control. This puts you in a position of power.
#3 Practice, practice, practice
If you're like most people, this is going to be a shift for you, and it will take time and practice.
Practice awareness. Much of this will take place in the thought line of the mode. Some will take place in the feeling line.
Practice experiencing the emotion that you are trying to avoid. This will take place in the feeling line.
Practice the habit of taking responsibility.
Call to ACTION!
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
FREE Consultation With Me!
What is Manipulation?
Trying to change or control other peoples' actions, feelings, and/or thoughts according to our own desires. Often times we manipulate our teens by trying to get them to feel negative emotions, like shame, guilt, or sadness.
Manipulation is a human skill that can be used for good and for bad.
What is People-Pleasing?
People-Pleasing is when we do something that we do not want to do in an effort to please someone else. People-Pleasing is socially acceptable manipulation. We we do it, we are trying to manipulate how the other person thinks and feels. It is lying, and it is typically a one sided sacrifice.
Often times, as parents, we are guilty of trying to manipulate our kids into people pleasing. We want them to eat certain foods to make grandma happy. We want them to do certain things that they don't want to, because we think it will make the someone else feel better, but deep down we are hoping it will make us feel better.
Often times we are guilty of wanting others to People-Please us.
What are Manuals?
A manual is what we want someone else to do. It's how we think they "should" think, feel, or act. We think that if the other person simply did what we wanted them to, we would feel a certain way.
Everyone has manuals. We have manuals for how we think our teens should behave. Our teens have manuals for how they think their parents should behave. It's part of being human, but the more aware we are of our manuals for others, and other's manuals for us, the more emotional suffering we can avoid.
So Now What?
#1 Increase Your Awareness.
Manipulation, People-Pleasing, and Manuals all have one thing in common . . .
They are all efforts to control or change someone else or something outside of your control.
It's important to be aware of these, both when others are trying to control you, and when you are trying to control someone else.
As you increase your awareness, you will likely notice two things; you will see it when others are doing this to you, and you will see it when you are trying to do it to others.
#2 Increase Your Intentionality
I say this all the time, but be the change you want to see!
You can't change your teen, your parents, your spouse, or your in-laws, but you CAN, 100%, change you.
Rather than focusing on what you want THEM to do differently (dropping their manuals or their manipulating ways) focus on what YOU can control (dropping your manuals or your manipulating ways).
Be intentional about how you parent your teens.
This will empower you. This will help you reconnect with your teen.
Often we are guilty of perpetuating People-Pleasing when we teach our kids to worry about "hurting someone's feelings" or "making them feel bad."
#3 Choose Love and Compassion
It's not our job to get others to quit manipulating, people-pleasing, or to drop their manuals. That would be manipulating them to follow our manual.
But, WE DO NOT have to be the victim. We are not responsible for others' emotions. We get to live our lives, how we want, and we can be committed to loving the other person no matter what.
Call to ACTION!
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
FREE Consultation With Me!
Why Do We "Need" to Fix Others?
I want to start out by saying that human beings are fixers!
We love to fix things!
As parents, many of us have come to believe that it is our job to fix our teens. Coupled with our years of experience and all our time, love and resources invested on our kids, we think we have the duty and right to change and fix our teens.
When we try to fix or change our teens, what it really means is that we think there is something wrong with them and that they are not good enough.
Our teens often feel like there is something wrong with them and that they are not good enough.
As parents we often feel shame, embarrassment, frustration when we think that our teen "should be . . . "
How This Often Looks In The Model
Believe it or not, this is the #1 problem that parents come to me for help with. Their teen is "pulling away," or "We're not close anymore. We just don't like each other," or "I can't watch them throw their life away!"
Here's a recent model with one of my clients:
Circumstance- Son's friends smoke weed.
Thought- My son needs better friends or he'll ruin his life.
Feeling- Fear
Action- Ban his friends from our house.
Result- I push my son away.
Circumstance- Daughter gets a D in math
Thought- She should be getting A's in math.
Feeling- Frustration
Action- Ground her for a week.
Result- I'm trying to fix my daughter.
When we try to fix them, we're actually pushing them away
Often times our teen adopt our thoughts and beliefs into their own models.
Circumstance- Friends smoke weed.
Thought- I need better friends or I'll ruin my life.
Feeling- Fear
Action- Worry that my friends will ruin my life.
Result- Struggle making friends.
Circumstance- I got a D in math
Thought- I should be getting A's in math.
Feeling- shame
Action- Negative self talk like, "I'm stupid."
Result- Don't try in classes.
Trying to fix our teens often has the opposite affect. In fact, trying to fix or change them often supports their suspicion that they are not good enough.
Here's 2 Things You Can Do Instead
#1 Connect With Your Teen Right Where They Are!
I know it's hard. We want our teens to have the best possible life. And, sometimes it's hard to see how things will work out in the end when their current circumstances seem so bleak.
BUT, I promise things WILL work out for the best! ALWAYS!!
Every circumstance that you experience with your teen is an opportunity for connection.
Your teen has friends that smoke weed . . .
. . . Find a way to connect with them right there!
Your teen is struggling in school . . .
. . . Find a way to connect with them right there!
Rather than trying to fix them, connect with them.
Sure, you can invite them to change, but I promise connecting with them will have a more powerful impact in their life!
#2 Shift Your Focus to YOU!
I say this all the time, but be the change you want to see!
You can't change your teen, but you CAN, 100%, change you.
Rather than focusing on what you want THEM to do differently, focus on what you want YOU to do differently.
This will empower you. This will help you reconnect with your teen.
Call to ACTION!
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
FREE Consultation With Me!
Have You Ever Limited Yourself with a Goal?
I have done this, and I've seen both the parents and teens that I work with do this too.
You set a goal that's "realistic." In fact, you hold yourself back a little just to make sure that is is realistic. You reach your goal in half the time that you planned, and then you sit back and relax and do little to nothing more.
This is just one example of having a limiting goal.
Other times, we simply don't set our sights high enough.
I heard Cliff Ravenscraft speaking about his weight loss experience. He believed that he needed to lose weight slowly, so that's what he did. He believed that the last 10 lbs. would be the hardest and take the longest, so it did. At one point, after struggling with the last 10 lbs., he questioned the belief that the last 10 lbs. would take the longest and be the hardest. He questioned why he believed that and wondered if the opposite could be true. When he got curious and questioned his belief, he found out that it was actually pretty easy to lose the last 10 lbs. and he lost it relatively quickly.
What's Possible for You?
I heard it said that a Navy Seal taught that when your brain tells you that you can do no more, go no further, you are actually only at about 40% of your capacity?
So, how do you know what it possible for you?
I hear tons of parents say, "I can't do this", or "I could never be . . . "
They are simply limited by what they believe is possible for themselves.
I want to invite you to explore, What IS Possible for Me?"
You will be shocked. You are far more capable than you give yourself credit for.
That kind mother of your dreams, or that fun and loving father of your dreams are completely possible.
It's 100% possible for you to have the relationship of your dreams with your teen.
What's Possible for Your Teen?
This one is tricky. We don't want to fall into the trap of seeing what's possible for our teens and then setting all sorts of expectations that we feel our teens "should" live up to.
Instead I want you to simply believe that EVERYTHING and ANYTHING is possible for them.
One of the things that parents struggle with is their own limiting beliefs about their teens.
Parents think things like, "If Bob fails math, he'll never get into college." or "If Sally gets pregnant, she'll ruin her life."
By doing this we are showing our own limiting beliefs about our teens.
Instead, we can choose to believe, "If Bob fails math, he can still get into college." or, "If Sally gets pregnant, she will still have an amazing life!"
Call to ACTION!
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop limiting yourself as a parent and start creating your own amazing possibilities.
FREE Consultation With Me!
Everyone's Mental Health Needs are Unique
Last week we talked about mental and emotional health and how I define it.
For me, Mental Health refers to:
- Mental and emotional well being.
- The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions and results.
- The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small.
- It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges.
Not everyone's mental and emotional health needs are the same.
There is no "one size fits all" solution.
This is why it is vital that you take the time to figure out your own mental and emotional health needs and wants.
I had one teenager who wanted to increase his ability to sleep at night. He wasn't sure how, but he thought this was somehow tied to his mental and emotional health. (I'll tell you later what he did to go from struggling to fall asleep, stay asleep, and then wake up in the morning to sleeping like a baby all night long.)
I had another client who constantly worried about mistakes from their past. They worried that they had ruined their future, upset God, and they constantly felt like they weren't good enough.
I have parents who constantly worry that their teenager or young adult will do something "too bad" and "ruin their lives."
These are all areas that can be improved by increasing your mental health.
Increase Your Own Awareness
One of the things that I've seen that helps people identify areas where they would like to increase their mental health, is to explore areas of your life that you are unhappy with.
What things frustrate you?
What things seem overwhelming or insurmountable?
What are the things or areas of your life that you are avoiding?
It's empowering to increase your awareness. Rather than ignoring and avoiding areas of your life that cause you discomfort or dissatisfaction, we face them and experience them.
Awareness empowers you to make a change.
Make Mental Health a Simple, Sustainable, Priority
It's important that you don't over complicate your mental health.
Find things that are simple and sustainable for you. They don't have to take too long. They don't have to be hard.
The young man who couldn't sleep at night started doing a 5 minute thought download 30-60 minutes before bed. Within a week he was sleeping better. Within a month he had the sleep schedule that he wanted and only did thought downloads once or twice a week.
The client who struggled with their past actions explored those past actions and found some benefits and positives associated with it. The worked on accepting that circumstances are neutral, and that if there are negatives there has to also be an equal number of positives. Once they found that the past actions were truly neutral, it stopped bugging them overnight.
Some of my clients exercise their mental health by doing physical exercise. Others do writing in journals, thought downloads, or even creative writing.
Some join sports teams or school/community theater.
The bottom line is that YOUR mental health is yours. You get to decide how to take care of you best.
If you're worried about your teen's mental health, be the example. Make your mental health a bigger priority. Your example to your teen is the most powerful thing you can do to help them change.
Become a Member TODAY!
Mental Health vs Mental Illness vs Mental Disorder
Lots of people use the terms "mental health," "mental illness," and "mental disorder" interchangeably.
For me, mental health and mental illness refer to two different things.
For me, Mental Health refers to:
- Mental and emotional well being.
- The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions.
- The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small.
- It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges.
On the other hand, Mental Illness and Mental Disorders refer more to diagnoses like:
- Depression
- ADD/ADHD
- Bipolar, Identity, and Personality disorders,
- Eating disorders
- PTSD
- Sevier Anxiety
- Schizophrenia
Mental Health and Emotional Health Go Hand in Hand
We talked about mental health earlier. Let's take a minute and talk about Emotional Health.
For me, Emotional Health is the ability to experience any and ALL emotions, good or bad, negative or positive, happy or sad, from one extreme to the other. In addition to being able to experience these emotions, it's also important to be able to identify them, process them, and appreciate them.
I Focus on Improving Mental and Emotional HEALTH!
Again, I'm not a doctor, therapist, or counselor. I want to make that clear! But, we can all improve our mental & emotional health.
There's a misconception that only certain people can help others, especially teens, improve their mental health. Yes, this might apply to mental illness and disorders, but mental health is somethi
I can help you improve your mental health.
Everyone can improve their mental and emotional health in one area or another. And, like physical health, we have to power to do most of our own mental and emotional health work for ourselves, on our own.
Many times developing and bolstering our mental health is just a simple matter of changing how we think. Sometimes it's adding new routines and habits to our lives.
Call to ACTION!
January is the time to join my group coaching program!
I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams. You will develop the skills to be intentional, to turn struggles in to strengths, and to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen.
Plus, I'm joining forces with 3 other coaches to offer you the BEST parenting membership EVER!
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents!
As a member, you'll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021
- 📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
- 🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $97 A MONTH! 🤯
Become a Member TODAY!
Why Is It SO Hard To Be Resilient?
It IS hard to be resilient, and it’s hard to develop resilience.
But, it’s not hard in an impossible bad way. It’s hard in a good empowering way.
Asking why it’s hard to develop resilience is like asking why it’s hard to bench press or lift weights. The answer is because it has to be hard. Lifting weights is supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t get stronger. As you get better, you intentionally make it harder by adding more and more weight. You are literally making it heavier and harder.
So, why is it so hard to develop resilience?
Because that is how it has to be. Struggle, hardship, discomfort, these are simply the price of becoming resilient. Think of resilience like bravery or courage. We all think that being brave and courageous is a good skill to have, right?
Well, is it possible to be brave without first being afraid? The answer is NO. There is no bravery without fear.
Similarly, there is no resilience without struggle. This is why it’s so hard to build resilience.
How To Help Your Teen.
It sounds harsh, but let them struggle. I’m not saying to pile it on and go out of your way to make their life miserable, just allow them to struggle, and let them know that they have your support.
It’s easy for parents to “catastrophize” things. Our teen gets an “F” in math, and as parents, we act like it’s the end of the world. Instead, we need to reassure them that, though we want them to get better grades, it's not the end of the world. Let them know that it’s okay to struggle.
Help your teen realize that it is the very act of struggling that makes us stronger. Help them realize that it’s no more than an opportunity to develop their resilience.
Mindset of Resilience
Your mindset makes all the difference. Whether you see your struggles as the end of the world or as an opportunity for growth depends on your mindset. You can make the decision to look for the growth, rather than focusing on all of the negative.
This means, when you get knocked down, not only do you get back up, but you find the positives of getting knocked down. You learn from it and you grow from it.
Even before you get knocked down, if you have a mindset of resilience, you know that getting knocked down is a possibility, you plan on it, and you plan on getting right back up.
Help your teens understand that we all know that we are going to struggle, so just plan on it. That way, when they get dumped or don’t get invited to the party, or they struggle with anxiety or depression, rather than being surprised and shocked by their struggle, they realize, “Okay, this is a struggle. This is part of the plan.”
Call to ACTION!
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents!
As a member, you'll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021
- 📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
- 🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $97 A MONTH! 🤯
Become a Member TODAY!
3 Simple Mindset Shifts
Desire vs Shame
Instead of letting shame drive your goals, try harnessing the power of desire. Instead of, "I need," or "I should," try . . .
"I WANT TO . . . !"
"I want to stop yelling at my teen."
"I want to appreciate my teen."
Can you feel the difference?
Rather than doing it out of shame, you're doing it for you, out of desire. When it comes to your goals or resolutions, drop the shame. Do it out of love. Do it out of desire for who you want to be.
This will be a powerful example for your teens. This will also help you change your mindset around what you and your teen "need" to do versus what you "want" them or you to do. This will help you drop the shame when parenting.
Who You Are vs What You Do
Who we are determines what we do. Focus on who you are or who you want to become.
Instead of focusing on what needs to be done, explore who you must be to do those things.
This will help you parent with a new perspective. Rather than focusing on what you've done "wrong," you can focus on who you've become. Rather than focusing on your teen's actions, you can better focus on who they are and who they are becoming.
Who you are is the driving force behind what you do. Be the person that you want to be.
Achieve more in 2021 by doing LESS!
Seems like everyone has a list of things that they want to do in the upcoming year.
There's one problem . . .
So, rather than focusing on all the new things that you want to do in 2021, rather than coming up with a list of "To Do's" try identifying the things that you want to stop doing this year.
What are some areas that take up the most time, energy, resources or money? What if you stopped eating out? How much money, time, and health would that save you?
Our time, energy, and resources are limited. When we try to achieve more by doing more, it often puts stress on one of those areas.
When we start freeing up time, energy, and resources, it empowers you to double your focus on the areas of your life that are most important.
Try it out this year. Here's some ideas that I've done less of in the past:
- Stop arguing with others.
- I was able to save time and feel better towards others.
- Stop focusing on the negative/problems/obstacles.
- This helped me be happier, empowered, and find the opportunities and the positives in the midst of the negative.
Call to ACTION!
Join my Parenting Membership
I'm joining forces with 3 other coaches to offer you the BEST parenting membership EVER!
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents!
You'll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021
- 📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
- 🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $97 A MONTH! 🤯
Become a Member TODAY!
Two Traditions, "Christmas Gift!" and Find the Lamb
My wife's family has a tradition.
Each Christmas, people try to be the first to greet one another by saying, "Christmas Gift!"
We try to sneak in to the house without being seen, just so we can catch someone unaware and "Christmas Gift" them.
It's a fun tradition that gets the whole family involved.
In my home we have a huge Christmas Village. There are 15 houses/buildings, 2 ponds with skaters, 2 bridges, a train, a nativity scene, and 1 lamb.
The tradition is that someone hides the lamb in the village, and everyone else tries to find it amongst all the distractions. It helps us remember the reason we celebrate Christmas.
A Christmas gift for YOU and your teen?
This Christmas, I want to invite you to give yourself a powerful Christmas gift! You will also give this gift to your teen, but I promise, you will benefit the most from it.
This gift has two daily exercises.
Exercise #1: For the next 7 days, spend a few minutes throughout the day looking for evidence that you are a great parent. Identify things that you think you are doing well. Identify things that you like about yourself. Remember to look for them throughout the day.
Then in the evening, write down a list of 10 things that you found that support the idea that you ARE a great parent.
Repeat this exercise every day for the next 7 days.
Exercise #2: For the next 7 days, spend a few minutes throughout the day looking for evidence that your teenager IS doing their best. Identify things that you think they are doing well. Identify things that you like about them. Remember to look for them throughout the day.
Then in the evening, write down a list of 10 things that you found that support the idea that your teenager IS doing their best.
Repeat this exercise every day for the next 7 days.
You find what you are looking for/You are where your focus is!
What you look for you will find. We've been conditioned to find the negative. Let's change that. Let's look for the positive.
This will change how you feel towards yourself!
This will change how you feel towards your teen.
How you feel towards your teen is a reflection/projection of how you feel about yourself.
This truly is the best gift you can give yourself this Christmas.
Call to ACTION!
Join my group coaching program if you'd like to dive deeper into gratitude and goals during the month of November. I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams.
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you'll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020
- 📅 4 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month
- Monthly training
- 2 times/month Q&A Zoom calls
- Monthly Guest Expert Call
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
- 🏆 Access to our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯
Become a Member TODAY!
What is your future?
Your future-self only exists in your imagination.
Your future is not better than your present or your past.
Your future-self can be a guide and mentor. When we focus on our future, that focus can give us direction in the present and in difficult moments.
The better we get to know our future-self, the more we live in alignment with who we want to become.
Live from “What’s possible?”
Too many times we define ourselves by our past mistakes and struggles. It's much more powerful to define yourself by your potential and possibilities.
Your future-self is YOU! Your future-self is the combination of your past, present, and future.
Everything from your past is connected to your future.
You own your future. You get to create it exactly how you want it. You are the only person who knows what you want.
How to use your future-self as a mentor and guide!
We want to embrace the power of our future-self by exploring who we would be at the future point of our goals and dreams. What would we think, feel, and do?
By doing this, your future-self can become a guide and mentor in your present lives. You can receive direction and clarity from seeing what your dream future looks like and who you become.
One of the common pitfall that I see parents and their teens get caught in is letting their past mistakes and struggles define them. As parents, we do this to our teens. Our teens follow our examples and do it back to us. And then, we do it to ourselves. We never quite let go of the past or intentionally define it for ourselves.
Explore your future and what you would like it to look like. Get curious about your potential and your future possibilities.
Once you've explored your potential, get clear on some dreams and desires. What would it take on your part to make it a reality? Imagine your future-self having accomplished those dreams. What did they have to do? Who did they become to accomplish those dreams?
What would the you that has already accomplished your dreams and goals do? What would they feel? What would they think about?
Now, start living your life with that future focus. Keep your future in your sights. Have your future possibilities drive your actions, as a parent and simply as a human being.
The clearer you get on what you would like your future to look like, the better you understand who you would have to be to live that future, the easier it is to set goals.
Live in the present!
“The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.”
~Thomas S. Monson
You can only change the future by living in the present. In A Christmas Carol we see how Scrooge starts living differently. He showed up from day to day.
He was willing to be laughed at and judged by others.
He was changing for himself and for his future possibilities.
Special Gift for YOU!
As I mentioned in the Thanksgiving episode, my birthday was last month, and I LOVE to celebrate the holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!
I want to offer you a special gift!
From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!
Space is limited, and it's first come first serve.
Book your Gift Session Today!
Gift Session
Call to ACTION!
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!
🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯
Become a Member TODAY!
What is your present?
This is where you have power and control.
What you think about your past or your future is in the present. You have the power to control how you will think about your past and future from now on. What you currently think and believe creates how you feel and act, which determines your current reality and results.
We are creating our future right now in the present by the way we think, feel, and behave.
How you feel in regards to your past or future is determined by what you think in the present.
Your results have been created by beliefs, feelings, and actions. Your present-self is a reflection of what you currently think and feel.
Many of your present patterns and habits have been formed in your past and carried into your present life. Without intention, these habits will most likely carry over into your future as well.
The present is a powerful place to explore your current results and how you are creating those.
What is your present-self creating for your future-self?
Where are you going?
We can look at our present habits and patterns and look towards the future and see what our future results will likely be if the present habits patterns go unchanged.
When we focus on our past and define ourselves by our past, we feel regret.
When we focus the future of our dreams and define ourselves by our potential, we feel hope and empowered.
Identify some of your top patterns and habits. Where are they taking you?
Embrace the power of your present-self, and Take Action!
Too many of us are waiting to make a change until . . .
. . . some unspecified future time.
The time is NOW!
You have the power to change.
We want to embrace the power of the present moment, the here and now, and take actions that will lead to the future of our dreams.
We want to recognize the patterns that exist in our present-selves and explore whether or not they lead us to our future self.
Special Gift for YOU!
As I mentioned in the Thanksgiving episode, my birthday was last month, and I LOVE to celebrate the holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!
I want to offer you a special gift!
From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!
Space is limited, and it's first come first serve.
Book your Gift Session Today!
Gift Session
What is your past?Your past self only exists in your mind in the form of memories.
All those moments in the past that you are proud of, or maybe a little ashamed of, only exist in memory form.
You get to decide what your past means in your life. You get to define how your past influences your present. You get to decide the story that you tell about your past.
Your past self has created your current patterns, habits, and circumstances. Your past-self did the very best that they could! They did exactly what they needed to do to help you be who you are today.
Your past-self does not control your present-self, but it does have an impact on both your present and your future.
Most people are not intentional about the impact that their past has on their present lives.
Most people never stop to think about how they think and feel about their past, or what they let their past mean in their lives.
Nobody remembers all of their past. Most people have a few pivotal moments throughout their past that they hang on to. They give these moments meaning in their present lives, both good and bad. Unfortunately, they usually give their past meaning with no intention.
They become victims to their past as they continue to be driven by their thoughts, beliefs, and emotions from and about their past. They let the patterns of their past extend, unchecked, into their future.
What does your past mean to you?What you think about your past will determine how you feel about your past. How you feel about your past will influence how you act and behave in the present, which will then create your future.
Often times we let our past determine who we are without defining our past for ourselves.
For example, in my past, I accidentally lit my school bus on fire with some friends. For a long time, I thought that my past made me a bad person. I felt shame and embarrassment, which influenced my behaviors, which resulted in a lack of confidence in myself.
Now that I make it a point to define my own past, I am empowered by it. Lighting the school bus on fire is now nothing more than an experience that taught me valuable lessons. It's a fun story to show people that you can make HUGE mistakes and recover from them. It's a tool that I use to connect with people. At the time I felt hopeless and worthless. I can still remember that. It helps me connect with and understand teens and parents who currently feel hopeless and worthless.
Believe it or not, your past, even the parts you are most ashamed of, connects you to the future of your dreams. It's up to YOU to make the connection.
Define and Embrace Your Past.Become aware of the impact that our past has on your life.
Explore and see what patterns and habits have carried into our present life.
Once we become aware of this, we can intentionally define the meaning of our past, and the impact that it has on our lives. We can start to appreciate the past for everything it has done and created for us, and we can let go of the things that are no longer serving us.
Special Gift for YOU!As I mentioned in the last episode, my birthday was last month, and I LOVE to celebrate the holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!
I want to offer you a special gift!
From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!
Space is limited, and it's first come first serve.
Book your Gift Session Today by clicking the link below!
Gift Session
Look for opportunities instead of obstacles.
Early in 2020, I followed a lot of the narrative about how bad 2020 was turning out to be. Inadvertently, I started believing all of the talk and I started seeing all of the obstacles.
Before I knew it, I was down, depressed, worried, and convinced that 2020 was indeed the worst year ever.
Luckily I started looking for the opportunities instead of the obstacles.
I realized that, thanks to some of the issues we've been facing in 2020, there are TONS of opportunites!
- More parents need help with their teens than ever.
- I get to spend way more time with my family.
- I've had to focus more on the few things that I can control.
- I've grown and blossomed over the past year.
Control what makes you happy.
This was a hard lesson. I am a social butterfly. I love being around people. I even love going to the store to do grocery shopping.
I love getting together with friends and playing board games for hours at a time at a local board game night.
I love going to live sporting events.
COVID-19 took a lot of that away from me.
I realized that some of the things that made me happiest were outside of my control.
So I decided that I wanted to control the things that make me happy .
- I am happy when I serve others.
- I am happy when I'm helping others.
- I'm happy when I'm loving my family.
- I'm happy when I am growing.
Things can change, and I'll be okay.
For as much as I generally like change and get excited by the mere idea of change, there have been several changes that have happened this year that I have not been happy with.
Going to live personal events was something that I loved.
I've learned that things can change, and I'll be okay. I don't have to love, but I don't want to argue with the new reality either.
Things always change. It's up to me to be okay and to make the most out of it.
The little things mean the most.
I love my family!
I love coaching and helping other families.
I love living in a country that is so alive, vibrant, passionate, sometimes very opinionated, and doing their very best!
I'm grateful for my health.
I'm grateful for my life!
Special Gift for YOU!
My birthday was yesterday. Today we are celebrating one of my favorite holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!
I want to offer you a special gift!
From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!
Space is limited, and it's first come first serve.
Book your Gift Session Today!
Gift Session
Managing your emotions is POWERFUL!
Last week we talked about the power of managing YOUR OWN emotions.
We discussed how it is an opportunity for you as a parent to turn tough parenting moments into powerful parenting moments.
We talked about how managing your emotions will help you connect with your teen, teach by example, and be intentional in the way you parent. Today I wanted to dig in a little deeper and discuss How to Manage Your Emotions.
3 A's to help with emotion.
- Awareness
- This one is huge!
- Many parents are not truly aware of how or what they are feeling. They simply know that they don't like what they are feeling.
- Increase your awareness of what the feeling is and where you experience the emotion.
- I know that anxiety for me is a tightness in my neck and upper chest.
- When I feel anxious, I tend to focus on what can go wrong.
- Anger is a tense sensation in my chest and my face.
- When I'm angry I have a hard time thinking. I hyper-focus on what I'm angry about and can't let it go.
- I know that anxiety for me is a tightness in my neck and upper chest.
- Explore what thoughts lead to the emotion.
- Acceptance
- Again, this one is HUGE!
- So many parents judge themselves and their emotions.
- They think, "Anger is bad," or "I shouldn't be mad."
- They make it mean something about themselves like, "I'm a bad parent because I am so mad."
- Emotions just mean that you are human.
- Allow it
- I would even go so far as to embrace it.
- Stop trying to change it.
- Stop trying to push it away.
- Stop trying to ignore it.
These three A's go hand in hand. Getting better at one of them will help you do the others better.
This takes practice.
Don't expect to be perfect, or think you should be doing better. Those are judgements, just allow the emotions as they are, accept them for what they are, and become more aware of them.
Think of a beachball.
Imagine yourself trying to hold a beachball under water.
How much effort would that take?
Now, imaging the beachball trying to rise to the surface. Keep mentally pushing that beachball down. What color is the ball? How big is it?
Often times we treat out emotions like pushing a beachball under water. It takes lots of effort, it makes it hard to really see the beachball, and it just keeps trying to come to the surface.
When we allow the metaphorical beachball, our emotions, to sit on the surface we can then become more aware of them and more intentional.
Use the model to manage your emotions.
- Do some work in the thought line:
- Explore what thoughts are creating your emotions.
- What do you think about experiencing negative emotions?
- Why am I thinking this?
- Do some work in the feeling line:
- How does it feel?
- How would I describe it?
- Where do I feel it in my body?
- Do some work in the action line:
- How do I act when I feel this way?
- How do I want to act when I feel this way?
- Look at your results.
- What results are you currently getting?
- What results would you like to get?
- What are you willing to feel in connection with your desired result?
Call to ACTION!
Join my group coaching program if you'd like to dive deeper into gratitude and goals during the month of November. I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams.
Become a Member TODAY!
Emotionally Intentional Parenting is POWERFUL!
Some parenting experts say, "You've got to parent WITHOUT emotion."
I think that idea is SO WRONG! Our teens don't want to be parented by robots. they want parents who are emotionally invested. Rather than parenting without emotion, we need to parent with intention and control when it comes to our emotions.
Most of people in the world think that how they feel is based on their circumstances.
YOU HAVE THE POWER to turn challenging parenting moments into opportunities for connection, love, and learning.
Understanding the model (explained in episode 007), Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results can help us process challenging parenting moments.
We can use the model to learn from our past, plan for the future, and show up intentionally in the present.
Flight or Fight CANCELS Learning
We limit our teen's ability to learn when we trigger their amygdala.
When's the last time you got yelled at?
What did you do?
How did you feel?
Chances are that you, even as an adult, went into Fight, Flight, or Freeze mode.
Fear, anxiety, shame, and embarrassment do not foster positive learning environments.
When we lose emotional control, this often leads to actions such as yelling, arguing, and fighting. This often triggers our teens' amygdala, the primitive part of the brain that is responsible for our fight or flight (survival) response.
No matter how badly you want to yell, scream, throw things, hit or any action done out of emotional control, this will only shut down your teen's ability to learn and process, and it will make it hard for you to connect with them.
Opportunity to Model Desired Behavior
Human beings are herd animals. We like to function as a herd. As part of this, we are really good at reading other's emotions and mirroring them back to them.
This is part of the reason that being emotionally intentional will change EVERYTHING! As the parent, you are the leader of the back. Your teens are mirroring your behaviors on some level. If you want them to show up calm in tough situations, show them what you'd like it to look like by showing up that way yourself.
Our actions are way louder than our words.
Demonstrating emotional control in tough parenting moments will teach your teen that #1 It is possible to be in control even when your upset, and #2 that, this is how I want you to act.
Take Away: Turn Challenging Moments into Opportunities
YOU HAVE THE POWER to turn challenging parenting moments into opportunities for connection, love, and learning.
Most parents are simply reactive in challenging parenting moments. This leads to parents taking actions out of fear, shame, frustration and anger, and self-doubt.
Knowing that challenging parenting moments are opportunities will help you be proactive and intentional, rather than simply reactional. You will be able to choose what you think in the moment, how you feel, what action you take, and what result you want to achieve.
Call to ACTION!
Join my group coaching program if you'd like to dive deeper into gratitude and goals during the month of November. I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams.
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!
https://benpughcoaching.lpages.co/membership/
What Do You Want?
Most of us think we have a pretty good idea about what we want.
When someone asks us, "What do you want for your birthday?" or "What do you want for Christmas?" we can usually come up with an answer pretty quickly.
So, I want to do an exercise with you. This is an exercise that I have done with some of my past students, foster kids, my own kids, and often with my clients.
Quick Exercise
- Step #1
- Pause this episode and write a list of 10 things that you really want.
- I'm serious, if you want to do this exercise as if you were one of my clients, do not listen beyond this point until you've created your list of 10 things that you REALLY want.
- Step #2
- Review your list and see how many of the things you listed that you actually have right now.
- If you're like most people, you will have listed things that you do not have.
- Step #3
- Finish listening to this podcast episode.
- Step #4
- Make your list of 30 wants alternating from something you currently have and you want to something you don't have and you want. Then repeat that pattern until you've come up with 30 wants.
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you'll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020
- 📅 4 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month
- Monthly training
- 2 times/month Q&A Zoom calls
- Monthly Guest Expert Call
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents
- 🏆 Access to our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯
Why do you want to motivate your teen?
This is a powerful question and one that I have to remind myself of often.
I've found that when I want to motivate my teen, it's because I want him to do life differently. I want HIM TO CHANGE.
This has been consistent with the parents who are looking for help motivating their teens. They want to motivate them to be different and to do things differently.
It's important to be aware of what we really want when we want to motivate our teens. It's powerful to get clear on what we want and to understand why we want it.
Call to ACTION!
Take my FREE Teen-Relationship Tune-Up Training and learn how to fix ANY relationship in less than 15 minutes.
You can have a rock-solid relationship with your teen!
It's easier than you think, and it WILL change everything.
You will both be more resilient. I promise!
Relationships are part of resilience!
Resilience is a hot buzzword right now in education, which is making it be a hot buzzword in parenting too.
This is great! It's important that we understand resilience and become more aware of what we are doing to increase our resilience. But, I worry that too many parents and teachers believe that they are not qualified to help our teens develop resilience.
You are qualified! You have the tools to help your teen build resilience.
In the article, The Road to Resilience, from The American Psychological Association, resilience is directly tied to our relationhsips.
"Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience."
The Road to Resilience ~ The American Psychological Association
As a parent, you have the power to have a powerful impact on your teen's resilience.
No, you can't force them to be resilient, you can't make them have a different mindset, but YOU CAN be a powerful force in their life. YOU CAN provide love, trust, support, examples, encouragement, and commitment to love and YOUR relationship with them.
As a principal, I made relationships a priority in our school and it changed EVERYTHING!
We held events with the specific goal of creating opportunities to connect our teachers and staff with our students and their parents.
We did BBQs and Dutch oven deserts with our students and their parents.
We did outdoor activities like kayaking, swimming, cliff jumping, and beach games with our students, all in an effort to provide opportunities to build relationships.
We took our students to do fun activities with the staff, like playing laser tag, ice skating, hiking and exploring, and even going to theme parks.
As a foster parent, my wife and I bent over backwards to treat our foster kids like family. When we did things as a family, WE ALL did those activities. We took our foster kids to theme parks, water parks, played games, and did anything in our power to provide opportunities to build relationships.
The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you'll get:
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- 🏆 Access to our expert coaches
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources
🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯
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How to discipline without drama.
- Keep Things in Perspective.
- Remember that challenging parenting moments are nothing more than learning and teaching opportunities.
- Look inward:
- What can you control?
- What is your role?
- How do you want to show up?
- Be emotionally intentional.
- Model emotional control
- This will help you build a rock-solid relationship
- This will solidify the message you are teaching.
- Focus on your role and be intentional.
- My role as a dad is to teach, coach, and support.
- When I discipline, I try to keep this in mind and intentionally teach, coach, and support.
- Some situations call for different roles.
- Practice teaching.
- Teach a skill.
- Teach a benefit.
- Teach the expectation.
- Teach the breakdown.
- Show support, connection, confidence, and closure.
- Show them that you're in their corner.
- Seek to understand where they are coming from and connect with them there.
- Show them that you have confidence in them and their ability to grow.
- When the conversation closes, don't keep beating a dead horse.
So, what can you do now?
Put this into practice. This will take discipline on your part. You will have to learn and develop your skills in this area.
Trust that by YOU being true to your role and purpose as their parent, YOU WILL have a powerful impact on their life.
Take the plunge and practice disciplining without drama TODAY!
The Doors Are Open! Become a Founding Member of Parenting with Perspective!
Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?
You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you'll get:
- 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020,
- 📅 Weekly LIVE Zoom Calls
- Monthly training
- 2 times/month Q&A Zoom calls,
- Monthly Guest Expert Call
- 🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents,
- 🏆 Access to our expert coaches,
- 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life,
- 😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent,
- 🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen,
- 📚 Access to our growing library of resources,
🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯
Become a Founding Member TODAY!
https://benpughcoaching.com/membership
Why is purpose so important?
In Lewis Carroll's book, Alice in Wonderland, Alice comes to a fork in the road and asks,
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where -' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat."
Many parents have never really taken the time to explore their purpose as a parent, which is totally understandable. I mean, it's not like anyone really ever asks us to think of things like this.
Without a parenting purpose, it's easy to get distracted from what is most important to you.
Without a defined purpose, role, or vision, you don't have the guidance of a goal.
When we take time to define our purpose as a parent, we focus on the results that WE would like to achieve in OUR lives and in OUR role as parents.
Defining our purpose gives us purpose and direction.
Defining our purpose makes us proactive instead or reactive.
Who gets to define YOUR purpose?
First, let's look at the word define vs. find.
I've heard people talk about finding their purpose. That's a little different. Finding suggests that we are looking for something. Finding suggests that we are at the mercy of whether or not we find whatever it is we are looking for. Finding puts our focus on something outside of ourselves.
Defining our purpose is something within our control. Rather than looking for something outside of ourselves, we are looking within ourselves and creating our purpose. We are the ones in control. We are the ones creating the definition of our role as a parent.
Your role and purpose will be unique to you. It will be shaped by your values, your characteristics, your life experiences, and the impact that you want to have. In other words, YOU are defining your own purpose as a parent.
I have a friend who is big into hunting and camping, and everything outdoors. He see's his role as a teacher and example in passing down their family traditions and the importance of hunting, camping, fishing and other things.
I have another friend who believes it is her role to be an example of having an open mind, being accepting of others, and treating others with love and kindness.
I believe that my role is to be a coach, teacher, and example. This gives my guidance and direction in ALL parenting situations.
How to define your purpose.
- Brainstorm
- Take 5-10 minutes to write your thoughts on this.
- Look inward:
- What are your values?
- What is your role?
- How would you like to be remembered?
- Define
- Clearly write down your purpose.
- Make it clear and concise.
- Make sure it is aligned with your values.
- Refine
- Your purpose doesn't need to be set in stone.
- You can change and refine your purpose as you change and grow.
- Your purpose is alive and ever-changing.
Remember, this is YOUR purpose. You get to define it. You can do it your own way. There is no right or wrong way to do this. If you want help with this, you can join my FREE Facebook challenge and access the FREE download to walk you through defining your purpose.
Join the FREE Facebook Challenge!
What makes a conversation "difficult"?
Parents tell me all the time that they don't like having "difficult" conversations with their teens.
"I don't like confrontation," some say. Or, "I don't want to make them uncomfortable."
So, let's get curious for a minute.
What is it that makes a conversation difficult?
It's what we think about it. It's what we think the other person is thinking about it. It's a million other thoughts, but it always comes down to our thoughts.
It's not that sex or pornography are inherently difficult things to talk about them, it just that we have a bunch of thoughts that make it hard to talk about. Thoughts like:
- "This is going to be weird," or
- "People don't talk about sex or pornography," or
- "This isn't normal."
"Difficult" conversations DON'T have to be "difficult."
And, it's 100% okay to feel some discomfort!
Want to read the rest of the show notes CLICK HERE
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This book is all about YOUR relationship with others.
This is the #1 book that I recommend to others, parents, school leaders, EVERYONE!
Tons of people say, "Oh, I don't like leadership books," or "I don't like self-improvement books."
I get it, self-improvement books aren't for everyone; BUT, this book is different!
It's actually a fable, a made up story just to teach a lesson, and it's so good.
The first time I read it, it blew my mind!
It completely changed my mindset and how I thought of others. It changed my relationship with my wife, my children, my foster kids, my students at school, and my co-workers. This book has changed my life!
So many times, when our relationship with others is struggling, we blame the other person. This book give you real tools to help YOU change. This book teaches life lessons that will change YOUR mindset, which will change everything for YOU!
This book will empower you!
It will give you hope for new possibilities, and it will inspire you and motivate you to try something different.
Get the rest of the show notes at: https://benpughcoaching.com/15
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Control is Impossible
This is a really hard one for parents, even myself. We have this natural desire to control our teens.
Think back a decade or so, when our teens were young kids and smaller, we could control a lot of aspects of their lives. When we asked them to get in the car, if they said "No," we could simply pick them up and strap them in a car seat. We were in control. Mission accomplished: kid and car and securely strapped in with no chance of escape.
Now, if your teen is anything like mine, it'd be nearly impossible for me to force him into a car or prevent his escape. As much as we think we want to control our teens, the extreme measures that it would require, are laughable.
I often ask clients to explore just what it would take to control their teens. Every answer has been extreme, from tying their teens to a chair, or medically sedating them, ultimately every parent agrees that not only is it to extreme to control their teen, but that that they don't actually want to control them.
Control Kills Connection
When we try to control our teens, we are trying to connect with them where we want them instead of where they are. This is an example of trying to connect with a teen that doesn't actually exist.
This results in a weak connection with our teen. Think about it, as an adult and a parent, how do you feel towards people who tell you that you're not good enough, or that you need to fix x, y and z?
When we try to control our teens, we're basically telling them, "You're not good enough to handle life, so I'll take it from here." This creates feelings of distrust and resentment on both sides of the relationship.
What's the Difference In IMPACT vs. CONTROL?
Impact is inward focused on the only thing we can control, ourselves. Impact is focused on OUR impact. The impact that WE want to have and leave behind.
Whereas control is focusing on our teen, something definitely outside of our control. Rather than focusing on our own result, our impact, we try to focus on our teen's results, their choices.
Having an impact means that we show up intentionally to parent in a way that is inline with our purpose and vision for OURSELVES. I have an impact as a dad by intentionally teaching and coaching. I'm not doing it to change my teen or my kids, I'm doing it so that I am consistent with my purpose and vision as a dad.
The Action's the Same, But The Intention Changes EVERYTHING!
In a recent coaching call my client said, "Well, I'd do the exact same action, but my intention changes my result. It changes EVERYTHING!"
What if you grounded your teen, or took away privileges, but you were doing it to teach a lesson to fulfill your role as a parent? All of a sudden, your focus is on you teaching a lesson rather than changing your teen.
Rather than taking the car away to punish them into changing, what if you took the care away to help teach them responsibility. If they learn responsibility, great! If not, it's no big deal, you'll continue teaching and supporting them.
Control is Temporary, IMPACT is Eternal.
Your days of controlling your kids is temporary. As they grow, develop, and mature, they need to develop more and more control over their own lives.
In order for them to learn how to control their life, they need you to give up control.
By doing this, though, you will have a much deeper and profound impact on their life.
I want to invite you to stop focusing on control and start focusing on your impact!
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SCHEDULE HERE
What is Connection?
When I talk about connecting with your teen, I'm talking about YOU building YOUR relationship with them.
You CANNOT control how your teen feels about you! You can do everything "right," only to have them hate and despise you. Connection is all about YOU controlling YOU and the things within YOUR control.
How do you feel about your teen?
How do you treat your teen, even when they are miserably difficult?
Why Is Connecting Where They Are SO IMPORTANT!?
When we try to change our teens, or we try to connect with them where we want them to be, we are trying to connect with someone who doesn't even exist.
When we spend time wishing our teens was more respectful, more studious, more thoughtful, more kind, more clean, less lazy, less anxious, whatever . . .
. . . We're try to connect with a different teen than the one that actually exists.
When we connect with our teen where they are, it shows them that they ARE good enough, that we love them no matter what, and that we are trying to understand.
4 Keys for a Rock Solid Relationship?
Access the FREE 15 minute Video Teen Relationship Tune-Up at:
BenPughCoaching.com/Teen-Relationship/
- Commit to Love
- Respect THEIR Process
- Stop trying to control/fix them.
- Take 100% responsibility.
How to Connect With Your Teen, Right Exactly Where They Are!
We're going to build on the relationship training that I referred to above. I recommend that you go watch the FREE 15 minute training. You can access it here: BenPughCoaching.com/Teen-Relationship/.
- Become interested in what they are interested in.
- My teen and pre-teen LOVE Fortnite.
- My 13 year old loves football.
- I help coach his little league team.
- Learn how to listen
- Give them a voice in decisions
- Let them have a voice in family rules.
- Let them voice their concerns.
- Let them help come up with (+/-) consequences.
- Follow their guidance.
- Get curious
- A while ago my son told me that he wanted to drop out of school.
- My instinct was to get upset and yell, "No!"
- Instead, I got curious and questioned, "What would it take for me to be okay with him dropping out?"
- I told him he could drop out, with some stipulations, but that I would do everything I could to support him.
- We had a great couple of weeks trying to figure out how to make $50K as a teen (one of the stipulations).
- He decided he wanted to stay in school.
- Drop shame, fear, and judgement around mistakes.
- Share your mistakes with them.
- Embrace their mistakes.
- Help them see that it's simply part of the process and specifically part of their process.
- Trust in their resilience.
- Trust that they CAN recover from ANYTHING and EVERYTHING!
This WILL Help You Connect with Them!
This will deepen your connection with your teen.
You will feel closer to them. You will understand them better. You will be confident in their ability to conquer life. You will spend less time worrying about them. You will spend less time fighting with them.
Try it!
Do you want to work with me 1-on-1?
I'd like to offer you a FREE discovery coaching session! On this call, we'll work together to explore what your struggling with and ways that I might be able to help you through weekly coaching.
Click the link to schedule a FREE discovery coaching session today at BenPughCoaching.com/mini.
What is Shame?
“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” ~Brené Brown
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~Brené Brown
Shame drives parents and teens apart and creates a belief that you’re not good enough.
- Emotion
- It’s a feeling caused by a thought (conscious or unconscious)
- It goes hand in hand with our personal narrative, inner dialogue, the stories we tell ourselves.
- When we feel shame, we believe there is something wrong with us.
- We start to look at ourselves negatively.
- Action
- We look at others negatively.
- We try to manipulate their emotions negatively.
- We assume that there’s a better way.
- And that they should be doing better.
- “You should have…”
- “You should …”
- “You need …”
- “You’re not ____ enough.”
- “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
- Culture
- How we look at things that are different from ourselves, our expectations, or our desired outcomes.
- We see shame in:
- Politics
- Religion
- Race
- Sports
- Education
- We see shame in:
- It's our mindsets and belief
- Right vs. Wrong
- Good vs. Evil
- Normal vs. Abnormal
- Superior vs. Inferior
- It's a way to push agendas, social conformity, and it often lifts one group above another.
- How we look at things that are different from ourselves, our expectations, or our desired outcomes.
What Can We Do About Shame?
- Our own emotion vs. someone else’s emotion
- Allow the shame.
- Explore the shame.
- Often we want to push it away.
- Ignoring it or pushing it to others with blaming.
- We hide, get mad, or buffer.
- The only way to process the emotion is to allow it.
- Become aware of our own shame.
- Understand why we are feeling shame. What are the thoughts causing it?
- Question the thoughts. Why do I think that?
- Become intentional about your own shame.
- Think on purpose.
- Practice allowing, awareness, and intentionality.
- Often we want to push it away.
- The action of shaming
- “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” ~Brené Brown
- When you do it.
- Become aware of it.
- When do you do it?
- What are you feeling?
- What are you thinking?
- Act intentionally.
- Become aware of it.
- When others do it.
- Realize that you CANNOT change them.
- Choose whether or not to believe their thoughts.
- No one can make you feel shame.
- People can “shame” you, but you don’t have to feel shame.
- Don’t shame back.
- Culture of shame.
- Embrace everyone as equality valuable
- Think in terms of right AND wrong, instead of right OR wrong.
- Strive to understand
- Trust that everyone is doing their best!
- Trust that you are doing your best.
You CANNOT Change Others, BUT You CAN Be The Change You Are Looking For!
You can't change others, but YOU CAN change yourself.
We are all guilty of shaming people. It's okay, let's just commit to moving forward and becoming more intentional.
Trust that YOU ARE doing your best. And, give EVERYONE else the same benefit.
Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge
If you haven't yet, join our FREE Be the Change Challenge.
"It ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward."
~Rocky Balboa
Resilience for parents and teens.
Parents worry that their teens are still struggling, worry that their teens don’t have resilience, worry that things are too hard.
You and your teens are human, you are going to struggle.
Developing resilience means that you are struggling, doing hard things, and getting stronger and better equipped to handle all of life’s struggles and adversity.
When parents and teens understand what resilience is and how to develop it, struggles become an opportunity for growth and strength.
Resilience leads to self-confidence, and self-confidence leads to resilience. This is a cycle.
Dr. Ivan Josephsaid, “Self-confidence is the ability to believe in yourself to accomplish any task, no matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity.”
What Resilience IS NOT vs What Resilience IS:❌ Resilience is not a character trait that we are born with.
✔️ Resilience is a skill that we have to learn, practice, and develop.
❌ It is not a one-time achievement.
✔️ It is a daily process, practice, and commitment.
❌ It doesn’t magically make things easy or easier.
✔️ It is a commitment to do hard things.❌ Resilience is not something you simply learn or do.
✔️ Resilience is something that you learn, practice, do, and become.
How to develop resilience with M.E.S.S.:
🧠 M-Mindset is key to developing resilience!
🧡 E-Emotion
🎯 S-Skill
💪 S-Struggle
You can’t change your teen, but you can be the change.
Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
I say, “Be the change you want to see in your teen.”
This will take your focus off of your teen (who you can’t control) and bring your focus back onto yourself (the only one you can control). It's natural as a parent to want to lighten the load that our teens face. It's easy to worry that our teen's struggles will be too much, of that they will somehow "ruin their life" with their mistakes.
But the truth is, it is our teens' struggles that are making them stronger. It's their mistakes and struggles that give them valuable experience. Lots of parents come to me, worried that their teens are making "too many mistakes," or "ruining their life" somehow.
They want to know that everything will be okay.
Your teen cannot ruin their life! They are resilient; they have the power to bounce back from EVERYTHING!
Trust that your teen has the resilience that they need to recover from everything. They do, and it starts with YOU believing in them! You see, your teen wants to believe that everything will be okay too. If you believe it, they'll believe it.
I can help you believe in your teen's resilience. I can help you develop the mindset and skills to boost your own resilience, which will boost your teen’s resilience too.
Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge
If you haven't yet, join our FREE Be the Change Challenge. Each day we will be doing simple 5-10 minute daily exercises to help give you a powerful perspective on your role as a parent and your ability to be the catalyst for incredible change in your life and your relationship with your teen.
Are you ready to send your teen back to school?
“You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So… get on your way!”
~Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
A Little About Joey!
Joey has been working with teens ever since he was one.
Currently, he is a middle school teacher and counselor. Joey has also been a high school teacher, Sunday school teacher, seminary teacher, and teen improv instructor. He has professional training in acting for the stage, a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing, and a Master’s in Education.
Now, as a certified Life Coach, Joey works with teens on developing crucial life skills that aren’t taught in schools. Using his background in comedy, storytelling, and performance, he produces a podcast and videos to help teens learn tools and techniques to help them choose happiness and achieve at high levels.
3 Back to School Tips.
- Give your teen options
- Give them choices
- Actually let them choose.
- Don't just give them the "allusion of choice."
- Enforce consequences and boundaries with emotional control.
- You don't have to enforce consequences with negative emotions.
- "Them's the rules."
- Follow through.
- I'm not mad, I'm just following through.
- Anger doesn't mean that you're serious.
- Emotions are contagious.
- Watch this video, "Calm is Contagious," by Rorke Denver.
- If your teen is doing something you don't want them to be doing, you're letting them do it.
- Teens are data collectors.
- they're trying to find the boundaries and ways around them.
- You cannot control your teen, but you can control how you enforce your boundaries.
- What you tolerate, you allow.
- Listen, really listen to your teen.
- Listen in a way that they can hear you listening.
- Find the right way.
- go on a drive
- play a video game
- show them that you are listening.
Where to Find Joey
Joey's website is found at https://www.firmlyfounded.com/.
joey's program teaches Crucial Life Skills that are not being taught in school.
- Solve any problem.
- Master any relationship.
- Handle any big emotion.
- Develop a self-image that will make you unstoppable.
- Self-motivate to reach your biggest goals.
Check out Joey's Podcast here!
Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge
If you haven't yet, join our FREE Be the Change Challenge. Each day we will be doing simple 5-10 minute daily exercises to help give you a powerful perspective on your role as a parent and your ability to be the catalyst for incredible change in your life and your relationship with your teen.
- Join the FREE Facebook Group
- Join other parents just like you and get the support that you've been looking for.
- Download the easy to follow Workbook and Exercise Guide.
- These exercises are designed to take you just 5-10 minutes a day!
- Start making real growth as a parent TODAY!
Join the FREE Facebook Group!
Why does struggling get such a bad wrap?
Struggling has gotten a bad wrap.
We seem to think that struggling is something that should be avoided.
We are hardwired to avoid struggles and discomfort. This is just a basic part of being human. Our brains have evolved to minimize effort and maximize efficiency.
Society and media look down on struggles.
The truth about struggling.
Struggling makes us stronger, more experienced, and more able to connect with others.
Struggling isn't the problem, it's the discomfort that we experience with the struggle.
Deep down we respect the struggle and those who overcome struggles and adversity. We love rooting for the underdog. We love hearing motivational stories about how people have overcome even the worst of times.
Struggles are a part of life that affects EVERYONE, not just our teens and not just people who have done something wrong.
If you take the time to think about it, you'll find areas of growth in your life that ONLY came about because of struggle and adversity. Struggles are nothing more than an opportunity to grow.
5 Simple keys to harness the power of struggles.
You're going to struggle in life. Your teen is going to struggle in life. Here are 5 simple keys to help you and your teen make the most of your past, current, and future struggles.
- Change your perspective and mindset when it comes to struggles.
- The way you think about the struggle will determine how you feel about it, which will influence the actions you choose to take.
- How you are feeling about your struggle is an indicator of what you think about it.
- Rather than focusing on the obstacles, focus on the opportunities (yes, this is very closely related to mindset).
- This is simple, and yet SO HARD!
- This takes some creativity. It's is natural and easy to find the obstacle, the negative. Instead, get creative and explore:
- What opportunities are there?
- What benefits can I find?
- How am I growing?
- Stop trying to fix it, hide it, or change it, and embrace it.
- Resisting your struggle often only increases your struggle.
- Viewing your struggle as a problem needing fixing leads to feeling shame about the problem.
- The quickest way to grow from struggles is to embrace the discomfort that comes with struggling.
- Identify skills that will help you through the struggle.
- This is the perfect time to learn, practice, and master some new skills.
- Every struggle comes with a set of skills to learn. Identify the skills and get to work.
- This is like weight lifting at the gym. It doesn't get lighter or easier, you just get stronger and make it look easy.
- Trust the process.
- In the moment it can be hard to use the skills mentioned above.
- Sometimes all we can do is trust the process.
So, where do I start?
Get curious. Explore the struggles that you are having as a parent and practice using the 5 keys mentioned above.
When it comes to your teen and their struggles, again, get curious. What can you see that they can't? How is this helping them grow. How can you support them without minimizing their struggle or exaggerating their struggle?
We can't change our teens. We can't make them handle struggles better. All we can do is trust their process. Trust that they are doing their best, and trust that change begins with us. By simply changing how we view and handle struggles, it will influence how our teens view and handle their own struggles.
Join the Be the Change Challenge.
What is a personal narrative, and what does it have to do with my teen?
Personal narratives are the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves, others, and our circumstances.
These narratives are tied to our thoughts and our beliefs, which then influence our feelings and actions.
Our personal narratives as parents are often reflected and copied by our children.
The stories we tell ourselves, our personal narrative, become our reality because we begin to believe them.
Some of my past personal narratives.
I'm the first to admit that this is an area that I used to struggle with. As a teen I thought that there was something wrong with me. Those thoughts carried over into my adult years until I finally addressed them through coaching and using the model.
- I’m not good enough
- I’m a trouble maker
- I’m not smart enough.
- I’m not cool
- I’ve ruined my life
- Nobody likes me
Narratives that I'm practicing today.
You CAN change your personal narrative. You don't have to continue believing the harmful stories from your past.
It isn't always easy, but it is totally doable. Here's a few narratives that are helping me right now.
- I am good enough
- My past troubles were actually preparing me for greatness
- I can bounce back from anything
- My teen is resilient
- He is doing his best
- His struggles are preparing him for greatness.
So, where do I start?
Lot's of parents want to change their teen's personal narrative. They say, "My teen doesn't have confidence because he's constantly telling us that he's 'not good enough.'"
His narrative is definitely linked to his confidence, BUT you have to remember that you can only control YOUR NARRATIVE!
You cannot change your teen's narrative.
You can only have an impact on their narrative by controlling your own personal narrative.
Here's a good place to start.
- Become aware of your personal narrative about yourself
- This is the most powerful place to start.
- If you have negative narratives about yourself, you are more likely to have narratives about others or even just your circumstances.
- Become aware of your personal narrative about your teen.
- Start to pay attention to the thoughts that you have about your teen.
- How you think about your teen impacts how you treat them.
- Explore your teen’s personal narrative through observation and conversation.
- Watch your teen. Look for clues as to what their narrative is.
- Listen to the things they say about themselves and others.
- Have a conversation with them about this.
- Become intentional about your personal narrative.
- Once you've become aware of exactly what your personal narrative sounds like, start the practice of becoming intentional.
- Practice over and over.
Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge
If you haven't yet, join our FREE Be the Change Challenge. Each day we will be doing simple 5-10 minute daily exercises to help give you a powerful perspective on your role as a parent and your ability to be the catalyst for incredible change in your life and your relationship with your teen.
- Join the FREE Facebook Group
- Join other parents just like you and get the support that you've been looking for.
- Download the easy to follow Workbook and Exercise Guide.
- These exercises are designed to take you just 5-10 minutes a day!
- Start making real growth as a parent TODAY!
The Self-Coaching Model puts YOU in control.
The most empowering thing about the model is that it gives you control. It helps you identify the things that are within your control and then helps you focus on those.
The model helps you realize how many things you can control, and how all of them are connected you YOU!
Too many of us, as parents, focus on things that are completely outside of our control. We focus on our teens and whether or not they obey, how they are thinking, how they are acting, and what others are thinking of us.
The model will help you bring your focus inward. It will help you be more results driven and future focused, rather than getting stuck in the past.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.”
~Winston Churchill (Though after searching the internet, I'm not sure he actually said this.)
Too many teens think they are failing life.
Often times our teens think that success is what they see on social media, TV, and the movies.
They don't realize that life rarely looks that way.
They don't realize that success if often ugly, boring, and embarrassing.
Many teens are experiencing success in their lives, but because it doesn't look like something they'd see on TikTok, or Snapchat, they don't acknowledge it as a win, as a success.
Instead, they completely miss their success and chalk it up as another "failure."
How to help your teen see the whole picture.
We can't make our teens see the whole picture, but we can certainly help them see it.
Often times we are part of the problem when we refuse to be happy with our teens progress, just because it hasn't yet met our standards or end goal.
Often times we too get caught up in comparing reality to the perfect image that we were expecting, and we don't recognize the success for what it is. Instead, we are just disappointed that it didn't meet our expectations.
Help your teen enjoy the journey.
Help them appreciate their growth along the way.
Praise them for their efforts.
Help them understand that sometimes success is simply not giving up.
005- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 5 Challenge will help you come up with actual steps that will help you make permanent change and improvement. Your plan will be short, doable, and custom fit for you.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/5
004- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 4 Challenge will help you appreciate where you are right now, rather than wishing you were already at your goal. You’ll find that where you are is the perfect place to start, and that you have special strengths to help you achieve your goals.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/4
003- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 3 Challenge will help you identify something you’re actually excited about, something that you actually believe you can do, actually want to do.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/3
002- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 2 Challenge will help you gain even more clarity and make a bold statement that will help guide you as you go about the task of parenting.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/2
001 - Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 1 Challenge will help you gain clarity and purpose. Most parents have never taken the time to identify what their purpose is, or what they're really striving for. This exercise helps you gain that perspective.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/1