Lunchtime in Rome: Recent Episodes
Lunchtime in Rome
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 182 is entitled, “Meeting your toddler’s emotional needs.” It's hard for us to express how we feel. It is rare for people to even know what their emotional needs are and how they can be met. What must it be like for a baby or toddler who cannot express what they don't understand that they're feeling? Further, what can parents do to keep them from feeling scared and alone? We'll be talking about that this week at The Table
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 181 is entitled, “Reel Observations.” Social media has impacted our lives in so many ways. What can we learn from it from an emotional needs perspective? We'll be looking at many examples tonight at The Table! Pull up a seat at the table and join us!
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 180 is entitled, “Be prepared.” Are your relationships "good enough?" When is "good enough" not going to be good enough? Tonight at The Table we're going to be talking about why you should be prepared for tough times in your relationship(s).Pull up a seat at the table and join us!
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 179 is entitled, “Narcissism, Feelings vs Emotions pt3.” What is a narcissist? Why does narcissism fly in the face of loving others? How does narcissism use feelings instead of meeting others emotions? We’re talking about that tonight at The Table.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s is episode 178 entitled, “Feelings vs Emotions pt2.” Do you find people of faith don't respond to you emotionally? Do you get platitudes and judgment rather than true comfort? Does God care about our emotions? This week at The Table we will continue our discussion on Feelings vs Emotions and look at what God has to do with all of it.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s is episode 177 entitled, “Feelings vs Emotions.” What is the difference between feelings and emotions? Why do feelings get so much attention while emotions are most often misunderstood and ignored? We're talking about that this week at The Table.Feelings vs. EmotionsLast week, we hit on a topic when Brian said “feelings are different than emotions” and we began a discussion about what that really means? So what DOES it mean?It is important to note that psychologists spend years studying and defining this on a clinical and scholastic level. It is our goal/motive to make this relatable and understandable on a practical level. Feelings are ambiguous and superficial, found directly in the conscienceWe feel “good” or “bad” but don’t have the vocabulary to explain whyThey are fleeting and ever-shiftingBrian’s take: In and of themselves, they never satisfy. They’re like an undefined drug that we look to “hit”, and when we can’t get that “hit” we’re looking for, we feel empty and lackingSatan LOVES to deal and operate on the “feelings” levelPeople are keenly aware of their feelings and demand that they be accounted for.In the most general of terms, the 4 places hurts go are the primary (negative) emotionsAngryGuiltyFearfulSelf-condemningEmotions are eternal and fundamental, they exist in the subconscienceEmotions and emotional awareness are intentional and defined (as we’ve been doing for the past 176 episodes)Emotions are concrete and tangible. They are as real as our DNA.Emotions are what fuels (along with physical stimuli) our feelingsPeople are largely unaware of their emotions and are manipulated by themWhen our emotional needs are unmet or taken from us we experience negative feelings.
Perhaps it comes down to thisIf we ensure that our emotional needs are met, we will be most likely to meet them in othersIf we don’t have a high need for a certain emotional need we will be less likely (but not unable) to meet it in others.If we have a high need, and it’s not being met, it will be most challenging to even try to meet it in others.Why isn’t loving others/ourselves happening more often?Review why, in general, why we do or don’t meet others needs.If we ensure that our emotional needs are met, we will be most likely to meet them in othersIf we don’t have a high need for a certain emotional need we will be less likely (but not unable) to meet it in others.If we have a high need, and it’s not being met, it will be most challenging to even try to meet it in others.Why do we not see an emotional need in others when we do not share that same need (6aii)?If people are not meeting the needs of others, how often is this the reason?Review being open, honest, and vulnerable.Review mutual givingReview Christ at the centerGive examplesHow often is the reason for people not meeting others needs (loving them) due to THEIR needs not being met (6aiii)?Brian will probably expand on this a lotDivision, being alone, fear, anxiety, etc.
"Love your neighbor as yourself." A famous commandment from the bible. We talked about it 2 podcasts ago in our "Respect" episode. We realized that THIS topic would take an entire session at The Table. We even intimated that it could take several. TONIGHT begins that journey!What does it mean to love others? What does it even mean to love yourself? Can we apply this to EVERY emotional need?We'll be talking about some of that at The Table this evening.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s is episode 173 entitled, “Podcast Meeting.” This week at The Table we are having a meeting about the future of the podcast. Where do we want to go from here? What type of guests should we have? What topics should we cover? How is our overall format? We're talking about that at The Table this evening
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 172 entitled “Respect”. Is there an emotional need more often taken from us or not met than respect? It sure seems like there isn't a lot of it in our world today. It's certainly the one most often communicated. But what really is respect when you break it down?
We're talking about that emotional need at The Table this evening
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 171 entitled “Online Comfort”. We talk about how to comfort people so very often here at The Table. Person to person and face to face it is important for us to join people in their emotions. Too few people try to do this let alone do it well (hence this podcast). HOWEVER, what about on social media? Do we join people in their emotions there?
This week we will look at three examples of people either mourning or rejoicing and we'll take a look at how their "friends" both do and do not join them in their emotions.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 170 entitled “Encouragement”. When you are completing a task does it feel good to know that others believe that you can get it done? Do you find yourself telling others that they can do it? Do you get a boost when someone checks in and asks you how a project is going? If you’ve answered yes to any or all of these you probably have a high need for encouragement. We’re talking about that emotional need at The Table tonight!
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table! It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 169 entitled “How was your Summer?”. What was good? What was not so great? What was totally AWESOME? Please take a minute and tell us live! We'd like to spend some time this week at The Table to celebrate and commiserate with all that has gone on this summer. Too often, we don't have anyone with which to share our highs and lows. We want to be that for you! We’re talking about that at The Table this evening.
First time listeners can subscribe on your favorite podcast app, watch us LIVE at lunchtimeinrome.com/live or listen directly on Lunctimeinrome.com. While there you can take our relational needs questionnaire. Make sure to follow us on all social media and it would be great if you give us a five star review.
Being alone is the worst. Good times aren’t as good and bad times are worse when you are all alone. Romans 12:15 says to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. That is how you keep people from being alone and what this podcast is all about. We demonstrate that in the first 15 minutes of the podcast and talk about it for the rest.
So while it may not be 12:15 in Rome, we’re treating it like it is Lunchtime in Rome.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 168 entitled “Joe Mitlo, one year later”. What's it like to be the guy that everyone believes has it all together but inside you have EVERY doubt in the world? What's it like to be left alone at college and not know how you're going to make it through the weekend, let alone the entire school year? What's it like to be that guy one year later?. We’re talking about that at The Table this evening.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 167 entitled “Comfort - A Deep Dive” When we are hurt there is only one way for the hurt to be healed...comfort. There are many ways we deal (or don't deal) with hurts, however, having someone attach comfort to our grief is the only way that we can truly move on in healthy fashion. We’re talking about that at The Table this evening.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 165 entitled “Relationship Communication” You're in a relationship and something bothers you. How do you communicate what you're feeling? How does it leave the other person feeling? Do they feel motivated to change or does it just go bad from there? Tonight we'll be talking about the best way to go about expressing your hurts in a way that helps both of you!
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 164 entitled “Injustice In Loss”. Our guest tonight is Matt Cresto, a father and husband who recently went through one of the most excruciating and difficult things a person can go through - watching his beloved bride, Christy, confined to a hospital bed, slowly pass away right in front of his eyes while simultaneously welcoming a new baby onto the planet. You can read his entire journey - and all of the horrific details he carefully documented during the process - at FightforChristy.com.
Disclaimer: there are some big hot button issues in this episode. Our sole intent is to hear Matt’s story and discuss the deep well of hurts and emotions he experienced through this horrific process without pushing an agenda. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this episode belong solely to Matt, and not necessarily to the Lunchtime In Rome podcast or any of our other affiliates..
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 163 entitled “Abby Herr”. What is the perspective like of a 10 year old growing up with an increasing knowledge of emotional needs? What’s it like being the youngest in a family that tries to practice healthy emotional responding in a world that desperately needs this understanding, even in the world of a 10 year old? We’ll be discussing all of this an more tonight at the Table!
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 162 entitled “Belonging” Does it matter to you that you have a close knit friend group? Are you always on a team or part of a club? Do you love AND enjoy being a part of your family? Does it matter to you that you are good at whatever role you play in a relationship? If you answered yes to those questions, you probably have a high need for belonging. We’re talking about that tonight here at The Table.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 161 entitled “Attention” There is a negative connotation with attention.
Why is that? What makes someone need attention? Why can they be SO annoying when they don't get attention? We'll be talking about that at The Table this evening.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 160 entitled “Ethan Herr pt.2.” Ethan Herr will be with us once again (see episode 109 for his first visit) to discuss what it was like to, not only endure, but thrive through some extremely difficult times this past year. Do you remember your freshman year? Do you remember what challenges you faced? Do you remember trying to find where you fit in? Ethan JUST experienced all of that and more. We'll be talking about all of that and more tonight!
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 159 entitled “Douglas Bentley.” Douglas Bentley has a 45 year friendship with Jay. He has an amazing marriage. He is a great father. He has coached many young men. He's a proud veteran of the Air Force. He has had a relationship with the city of Atlanta (Dekalb county) as a police officer for 26 years, rising to lead the Atlanta 911 call center. We’ll be talking about all of that and his greatest relationship tonight.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 158 entitled “Appreciation.” Appreciation seems like a simple emotional need but it can really cause problems in a relationship when one needs it and the other does not. Where is it needed? How is it met? What happens when it's not met? We'll be taking a look at all things appreciation at The Table this evening. Appreciation What is it? - Expressing thanks, praise or commendation. Recognizing accomplishment or effort particularly for what someone does. What causes it? Having it met constantly as a child NOT having it met as a child Where is it needed? For gifts and favors For meaningful conversations/relational interactions For who you are as a person Your relationship to others (similar to belonging) Your characteristics Your talents/hobbies/abilities For everyday chores responsibilities How is it met? Verbal expressions Written expressions - notes, cards, texts. Public expressions - social media, social gatherings, family events How is it not met/how are we hurt by not receiving it? Not giving it Giving it to others How do we “steal” it when it is not met? Giving it when we want it. Asking about that for which we would like to be appreciated Stopping doing the things for which we’d like to be appreciated Stopping doing other things for other people Drawing attention to our hurt Slamming drawers, acting out Detaching from others Verbal sighs/groans, physical posture/facial expressions Getting the need met elsewhere When we do not receive appreciation, how are we hurt? Fear - almost manic attempt to do things better Guilt Believing that you haven’t done enough to get appreciation Believing that you haven’t appreciated others enough Self Condemnation The feeling that one’s actions are not worth appreciating The feeling that one’s self is not worthy of appreciation Anger Not doing that which you wanted appreciation Not meeting others needs Spending time getting it met elsewhere
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 157 entitled “Amy Rayman.” We do our very best to help everyone to not feel alone. Who's more alone than someone with a sick child? Not many. THAT is one of the many great things about Amy Rayman who will be with us at The Table this week. Amy has spent much of her career raising funds for families undergoing the worst life has to offer.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 156 entitled “Spring Springs Hope.” What are you looking forward to in the coming weeks? What is something that you are striving for and feels like it is, oh so, close? What is the carrot dangling in the near distance that keeps you taking the next step forward? That is what we will be discussing this evening.
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How to break the cycle Seek God’s input on the matter How does He feel about what you’ve done? How does He feel for the other person? Listen!! Understand where the hurts go and be mindful/loving with that knowledge Avoid directing anger/fear AT the other person Try not to have your guilt/self condemnation cloud the truth What are their hurts, what needs were not met or taken from them? How do you like that need to be met? How can you meet their need while your need(s) are also met? Realize that meeting another’s needs is loving them Be aware of your and their emotional needs (as compared to the hurts)? Commit to being OHV Be very careful if THIS has been a problem If both people are not committed to this, many future hurts will be created Heal all hurts Outside - Heal old wounds Attach comfort one on one Have others comfort if needed Seek outside counsel in navigating this if neccesary Inside - Confess, Understand, Forgive Seek WISE counsel An outside perspective is valuable Do not seek an echo chamber Do not simply vent/gossip/disrespect What’s next? Replace bad patterns with good Regular check-ins in regards to needs and hurts Spending time building the relationship outside of needs and conflict Allow for grace within the relationship
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 154 entitled “Bad Patterns in Relationships.” We all fall into bad patterns in our relationships. Why does that happen? What is really behind it all? How can we possibly break that destructive cycle? Is there hope?
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Bad Patterns
What are they? Cyclical conflict in a relationship Having the same fight over different details What are their characteristics? Every decision/conflict is handled the same way and it is not productive Every major conflict is about the same “thing” with different causes for the incident What causes it? General - conflict between where hurts go Anger/Guilt Anger/Self Condemnation Fear/Guilt Fear/Self Condemnation Anger & Fear look outward, Guilt & Self Condemnation inward’ Procedural Conflict between emotional needs Opposite “need” of needs in general Respect vs. Security Affection vs. Security/Respect Encouragement vs. Support Attention vs. Acceptance
Not being open, honest and vulnerable Not communicating the need - open Stealing the need - honest Being afraid (perhaps rightfully so) that the need won’t be met - vulnerable Not mutually giving - one or both of the people are not loving the other by meeting an OHV communicated need. Unresolved Hurts Past hurts outside of a relationship that have not been comforted Past hurts within a relationship that have not been confessed, understood and forgiven Inhibits intimacy which prohibits the meeting of other needs Reduces the impact of other needs being met Clouds or diminishes an altruistic attempt to meet a need
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 153 entitled “Affection.” Do you love a hug? Do you need your loved ones to say, "I love you" every time you hang up the phone? How much do you need affection? Where did it come from? Did you always get it? Have you never had it? What do you do when you don't get that need met?
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 152 entitled “Ashley Cesaratto.” Ashley is a proud Penn Hills Alum, amazing musician, appreciated teacher, creator of the GIANT Pittsburgh Foodies Facebook page, and regular at The Table with us!
Eric is having a good week with Amy and Mags, Brian celebrated Lex's birthday, and Jay was super busy but in the moment.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 151 entitled, “Alone but not Lonely.” Are you surrounded by people but have no one to REALLY talk to about your hurts?
Do you have many conversations but find yourself NOT talking about what you really want or need to talk about?
Are you both connected to lots of people and yet, at times, feel like you're on an island emotionally?
If so please know that you're not the only one. This week at The Table we'll be talking about a new idea that might help many people just like you, maybe even you.
Eric is proud of Mags, Jay had a rough week, but went to Wheeling with Rachel and eats at Rachel’s on 16th while his Rachel almost beats a billiard pro at pool, and Chris is suffering from allergies.
Have you ever had an interaction with a (or some) friend(s) that left you hurt or at least not comforted? Have you ever had a friend have unrealistic expectations in your relationship that left you feeling judged?
Of course you have, we ALL have. Tonight, the boys will be going over an illustration/application of this exact same thing that just happened between them.
Tonight's podcast will be a perfect example of many of the principles that they talk about every week at The Table.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 149 entitled, Acceptance. What is the emotional need of Acceptance? How do we get it met? How are we hurt when we are not accepted? This is what we’re talking about tonight.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 148 entitled “What is Joy?”. Joy is something separate from happiness. How is it different? What is joy vs. happiness? What is true joy? If what we talked about two weeks ago was specific to what makes us happy or brings us "joy", tonight we will be talking about joy in general. What is it? Why is it different than happiness? How can we attain it? How can we maintain it? These are all things we will go over this evening at The Table.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 147 entitled “Alexis Herr”. You got to know Lex when she hosted the "Ladies Take Over" podcast #100! She has A LOT to share as this has been a long time coming. She also happens to be my wife, and I'm so glad she's able to finally make this appearance. I'm really grateful to be doing this with her, because as we'll hear, just getting up in the morning and staying above water all day can be nearly impossible.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 146 entitled “Joy”. Sitting at the table can be a bit heavy from time to time. Tonight we are focusing on the first part of Romans 12:15. "Rejoice with those who rejoice"...kind of. We're going to share what brings us joy.
What brings you joy?
We'd love for you to share that with us.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 145 entitled “Why So Angry?”. It seems that a lot of people are dealing with more and more anger. Whether it be sudden bursts or a constant pressure, there’s more anger than there used to be. Why? What’s causing it and what can be done about it? We’re talking about that this evening.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 144 entitled ``Lia Llewellyn”. Lia came into our world when she began dating Joe Mitlo just over one year ago. She is a great young lady with a very bright future, and a challenging past. We look forward to having her at the table this evening.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 143 entitled ``What happens when plans change?”. "What happens to you (emotionally) when plans change?" Do you just roll with it? Is it a deal breaker? Do you break out into a cold sweat? Does it GIVE you energy and motivation?
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 142 entitled Mass Formation. 3 weeks ago we were planning to revisit the phenomena of Mass Formation. In that time so much has happened in the world of the pandemic and people's reactions to it. While so much has changed, the reality of Mass Formation has not. We'll be examining why people are acting the way they are and how we can remain in (or return to) a peaceful state of mind despite all that is going on.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 141 entitled New Year Resolutions. This week we will be going over the past year and give you a bit of an inside look as to where we have been and where we're going. We'll also be going over New Year's resolutions and what might be a better alternative.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 140 entitled Relationship Grace. With different people having many different views on how to deal with the pandemic it is bound to rear its ugly head in families and friendships. How much relationship grace can one extend? Should one continue to acquiesce to those in our lives? We’re talking about that tonight.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 139 entitled Christmas, now or then?
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 138 entitled advice for married couples! Last week we went over marriage tips 1-9 from life coach Tyler Todt. We agreed, disagreed, and applied them to our relationships. Tonight we go over tips 9 - 18 and hopefully hear from you as well!
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 137 entitled advice for married couples! You hear from us week in and week out at the table. This week, you get to hear from an “expert” on marriage. Tyler Todt is an author and coach on fitness, life and marriage. He put together a guide to a successful marriage. Tonight, we’ll look at those tips and learn, agree and even….disagree?
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 136 entitled Thanksgiving Side Dishes Plus! We normally talk 90% about relationships and 10% about food, tonight we talk 90% about FOOD!!!
What makes up the perfect Thanksgiving meal? What are the most over and underrated side dishes? What is the least traditional thing you make/eat on Thanksgiving?
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 135 entitled Marriage Advice Part 2. When you say I do, you have no idea what you’re saying I do...to. However, it can be said that you also have no idea (really) WHO you are saying "I do" to. By the time you get married you have SOME idea (hopefully) but so often you don't really know for years and years later (if you make it that far). Some say you never really can understand who your spouse really is.
What about you?
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 134 entitled Marriage Advice? We've talked for the last two weeks about some of the heavier parts of marriage. Now, we get to lighten things up a bit. Tonight we'll be talking about good marriage practices and patterns.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 133 entitled Marriage Fights Part 2. When you and your significant other have disagreements/fights, how do you resolve those situations? Every couple goes through fights, we talked about that last week. But there are SO MANY different ways to get through them. How do you go about it? Do you work through your problems or do you just "move on?" We'll be talking about that this evening.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 132 entitled Every couple is aware that they have disagreements (fights). However, every couple may not realize that they actually have the exact same fight, over and over again, with different details. Does this apply to you? When there is conflict between you and your significant other, what is it? We'll be talking about that this evening.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 131 entitled “How’s Life?” Is life great? Is life far more difficult than it should be? Is life a dumpster fire? Which is it? It seems that most everyone's life is one of the three and more often than not it's not the first one? How are you? How are the lives of the people around you? Why do things seem to be so difficult these days?
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What can we expect to happen in a society where one group of people will do anything to get the pandemic to be over while another group is sure that there is someone out there that will save us all from a one world government? Why are people so immune to facts and logic? What can we do to bring some level of sanity back to the world we live in? Mass Formation, according to Dr. Mattias Desmet (and many other leading clinical psychological experts) is taking place before our very eyes. We've been discussing that phenomena in our last two times here at the table.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 129 entitled “Mass Formation PT2.”
Being alone and having no sense of security can really impact you. We've talked about that a lot. When it happens to a great number of people at once it can have a powerful, and destructive, impact on society.
Why HAVE so many people acted in such extreme ways for the past 18 months? It very well could be something called "Mass Formation." We introduced that phenomena in last week's episode and will continue our discussion tonight!
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 128 entitled “Mass Formation PT1.”
These have been a riiiiiidiculous past 18 months, no matter who you are. No matter what you believe about Covid, the behavior of many has been surprising, erratic, and quite honestly a bit illogical. The reason behind that is a phenomenon called "Mass Formation." You may have heard the more layman term "Mass Hysteria." That’s what we’ll be talking about this evening.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 127 entitled “When We’re Alone.”
We've been talking a lot about being alone, how and why it happens, and what it does to us. However, what happens when you feel alone? What do you do with that? What should, and more importantly, should you NOT do once you've felt alone? That’s what we’ll be talking about tonight.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 126 entitled “How Others’ Stories Affect Ours.”
Last week we talked about how certain emotional needs clash with our hurts and the emotional needs we have ourselves. This week we will be discussing how others' stories affect ours. What does the impact of others' stories have on our lives and how can/should we deal with it?
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Sometimes in our loneliest moments we come across someone who makes them worse, not better. Other times it's someone who makes us feel frustrated, hurt and alone. What types of people do that to you? Not necessarily the names but what types of people? What is it about them that rubs you the wrong way? Why is that? We'll be talking about that and what to do about it on this week's time at the table.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 124 entitled Alone Revisited Part 1!
This podcast is all about NOT being alone and keeping others from feeling alone. Why do we feel alone? What makes us feel alone? What happens to us when we are alone? Why do some people not understand that we do feel alone? Why does it bother us when people try to help us but it doesn't help? We'll be talking about those and other topics this and the coming weeks. We're taking an in depth look at why we feel what we feel and what happens when we are alone.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 123 entitled Transitions!
Life is full of transitions. So many are positive, some are negative. All of them impact us emotionally. What can we expect from them and what can we do to make the best of them? We'll be talking about that on tonight’s episode.
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 122 entitled VACATION!
Tonight we’ll be going over all that is good and perhaps even not so good about going away. Many of you have chimed in and we’ll be sharing your thoughts as well!
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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 121 entitled Bella Mitlo.
Bella Mitlo is known by us as the "Comedic Assassin" and by Jay as his sweet angel girl. You may have seen her on stage over these past several years. Let's be clear, she's so much more than Jay and Rachel's daughter, Joe and Trey's sister, or a stereotypical pastors kid. She is Bella Mitlo.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 120 entitled Duke and Lydia.
Duke and Lydia met at Grove City College. They fell in love and got married. Just after a year (or so) later they began their family with their baby which is due soon! They moved to Penn Hills and checked out Faith Community Church. The simple stereotypical Christian...almost perfect love story you would imagine. A great story? Yes. A love story? Yes. However, everyone has a story and a journey regarding their emotions and emotional needs. This is very true for Duke and Lydia Maley.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 119 entitled Rachel Mitlo.
Rachel was a part of “The Ladies Take Over” podcast this January and is back for more. What’s it like to be married to a man who filters EVERYTHING through emotional needs? What’s it like to be a pastor’s wife? Sign language? Framing art for living? Flying on a plane without your father at the age of 5? So much happened before most of you even met her. We’ll be talking about a lot of that and much more tonight.
Pull up a chair at the table and join us!
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 118 entitled Ben Davidson.
Many people go through life wondering if they will ever stand out. Ben sets himself apart from the crowd in so many ways. He is a quiet leader, an excellent and diverse musician, an advanced mathematician, obedient and responsible son, and great friend to many. Now, if he could prioritize his time a bit better....well, we'll leave that discussion to Chris.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 117 entitled Luke and Kate Return.
Luke and Kate sat at the table with us last year just before the lockdown. They were excited about their wedding that WAS fast approaching. What happened? What did they do? What's it like to be quarantined with someone who likes to pull pranks and scare you all the time? When someone has a high need for security and needs to be hugged all the time and you're the only one around, how does that work?
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 116 entitled Christina Marra.
Christina Marra is here to talk about the transition from college to the "real world", being a church Elder at the age of 20, and all things emotional needs from her perspective. As much as anyone her age, she gets it.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 115 entitled Comfort After Loss.
Is there anything more awkward than going to a viewing and trying to think of something to say to a person who has just lost someone very near and dear to them? We've all lost someone. We've heard many of the worst examples of "comfort." However, few of us have been really blessed by the words of someone who came to a viewing/funeral. I mean, REALLY blessed. Most people successfully don't offend or hurt us further, but what was it about the ones that made us actually feel better?
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 114 entitled Amy Davidson!
Amy is an incredible person, mother, wife, and friend. She blesses kids every day as their favorite teacher. She has a story to tell and a fighter's grit. We are excited for you to join us!
Pull up a chair at the table and join us!
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 113 entitled Joe Mitlo!
What's it like to be graduating from high school? Why choose the military through Army ROTC? How does it feel to have your last volleyball match coming up? How's it going with your first girlfriend? How do you live while being hammered with emotional needs and emotional responding?
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 112 entitled Dr. Nancy Hines.
Tonight Dr. Nancy Hines will be joining us at the table. She is the Superintendent of the Penn Hills School District. She has been through A LOT since taking over her position. Now, in the last year she has had to lead a district full of students, teachers, and families that have experienced a world that they never predicted or prepared for. We'll go over all of that and more as we get to know someone who everyone knows...but do they really know her?
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 111 entitled Rob Jackson.
Rob Jackson is a long time friend of Brian's and a friend of all of us at the table. He has gone through unexpected trauma that pivoted his life in a moment. His is a story of perseverance and faith.
Pull up a chair at the table and join us!
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 110 entitled Being Genuine.
How important is it to be genuine? How can you be more genuine? What are the pitfalls or dangers that come with being genuine?
Pull up a chair at the table and join us!
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 109 entitled Ethan Herr. Ethan is Brian’s son and will be talking about what it’s like to be a teenager in these days and in general. We’re excited for you to get to know him.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 108 entitled Podcast Updates.. We'll be talking about future guests, different types of guests, and even a little discussion about what Easter looks like this year vs. last year and other recent holidays.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 107 entitled Michelle Gonzales. She is a great friend of the Mitlo's and has been with us at the table most every week. She will talk about what it's like being the mom of twins, surviving cancer, and living life as Joseph’s (from last week’s episode) sister.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 106 entitled Joseph Gonzales. His is a story of redemption and triumph. From where he started, where he's been, and where he's heading, it's an amazing story.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 105 entitled The Boothby's. They are great friends of ours with an amazing story including finding love, studying in Israel, searching for permanent employment and starting a family. We are so excited for you all to get to know them.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 104 entitled, Jared Frank. Jared is from the east side of the state (that's why Brian won't be with us, well that and he's in Florida) and is a graduate student at Pitt. He volunteers with Young Life in Penn Hills and sits with us at the table (virtually) each week.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 103 entitled, Amy Hammond. She is Eric's wife and knows emotional needs as well as any. She is a great wife and a superstar mom yet humble enough to politely argue against both of those statements.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 102 entitled, “Mary Lynn Plesh cow skee.” Retired Brigadier General Chaplain Robert F. Plesh cow skee joined us last episode to talk about his career of comfort. He is Mary Lynn’s husband and she is here to talk about what it’s like to run the homefront while your husband is away and much much more.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 101 entitled, “A Career of Comfort.” Retired Brigadier General Chaplain Robert F. Plesh cow skee is joining us to talk about his perspective on giving and teaching comfort through all of his years in the Army.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 100 entitled, “Ladies Take Over." Tonight we’ll be talking about what it’s like being married to guys who focus on emotional needs, how emotional needs play into our marriage/parenting, and whatever else we want to talk about.
Last week we talked about what brings you peace. We ended the show by talking about the opportunity we have to BE a peacemaker to others. Tonight, we will talk about what NOT to do, and what TO do to bring peace to others. Mind you, we're not talking about peace in a mediation frame of mind. We're referring to the act of bringing peace, a sense of calm to another. Who...not what, if anyone, brings you peace? What is it about them? What do they do or not do? We'll be talking about that and we HAVE AN EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT
What brings you peace? There is very little peace being offered around our world these days. There is very little relief that comes naturally so we need to find peace...somewhere. Where do you find it...or do you? The alternative is that you get all balled up and full of anxiety/angst. This is very real and doesn't happen all at once. If this is you I hope some people's answers here brings you peace.
We are over a year into gathering at the table and sharing life with all of you. We are nearing our 100th episode! What does this year hold for us? Where do we see this podcast going in the next year? That's what we'll be talking about tonight on our first podcast of 2021! We may sprinkle in a little vision for our personal lives as well as some of yours!
Everyone knows that the night before the night before Christmas, or Christmas Eve Eve, is the number one night for podcasts!!! We're putting a Christmas bow on 2020 with our last podcast of the year.
What have you learned during 2020? What are you looking forward to in 2021? Does it even matter? We'll be talking that and resolutions both in general and specific tonight!
It's Christmas...time? Is it? Or is it Covidstmas this year? Which is it for you? 2 questions...
- What will Christmas look like for you this year?
- How do you feel about Christmas potentially looking different this year?
Know this, no matter what it looks like we're here for you. We will celebrate and mourn with you so that you won't face this year's Christmas alone.
Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 94 entitled, “support." Support is coming alongside and gently helping with a problem or struggle; providing appropriate assistance. In essence it's saying, “Let me help you do it.”. First time listeners can subscribe on your favorite podcast app or listen directly on Lunctimeinrome.com. While there you can take our relational needs questionnaire. Make sure to follow us on all social media and if you can give us a five star review wherever you are.
Tonight is episode 93 entitled, “security part 2." Last week we discussed physical security. This week we look at Relational security.
Security. What just came to mind when you read that? Social? Financial? Fear? Police? Mall guard? Something else?
Tonight we begin a 2 week look into the emotional need of security. This evening we will look at security from the perspective of physical security. This includes your personal safety, financial viability, and overall well being. Next week we will look into relational security.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T that is what...we're talking about this evening. What exactly is respect? Who deserves it? How is it being given and taken today? What is the difference between respect, belonging, acceptance, and appreciation?
Let us know if you have any thoughts or questions about respect and we'll make sure to include them tonight around 8:30pm.
It's been quite the week for all of us on many levels so we hope you'll pull up a seat and share with us.
You're stuck. You're in the middle of a huge project and it looks insurmountable. You are pretty sure that you can get it done...pretty sure. However, you're not positive. At this exact moment, your good friend texts you and says, "C'mon, you know you got this! You were made to crush challenges like this!"
How does this find you? Does it push you over the top and get you to finish line? Does it make you want to punch them in the face? Does it make you feel like a failure if you don't make it? Does it not move the needle either way? How do you respond to this friend's text?
When you are hurt the only way to heal is through comfort. Almost all of the options listed in our "poll" the other day are ways you can deal with hurts. However, they don't help you heal from the hurts. The only thing that does that is comfort. Having someone join you in your pain so that you will remember them loving you when you remember the painful hurt. Comfort has been attached to grief. How comfortable are you with the idea of that? Do you like it when someone enters your world and joins you in what you're going through? Some don't. There's something tricky about that emotionally and we will go over that this evening.
Tonight is episode 88 entitled “Approval/Belonging.” Do you feel the need to always be a part of a group. Do you take great pride in your family, school, church, or other organization? Is it more than just something you do but really more of who you are? If so, you probably have a high need for Approval/Belonging. That’s what we’ll be talking about today. First time listeners can subscribe on your favorite podcast app or listen directly on Lunctimeinrome.com. While there you can take our relational needs questionnaire. Make sure to follow us on all social media and if you can give us a five star review wherever you are.
When you make a mistake in a relationship, big or small, how much does it effect, affect....effect.....bother you? Are you able to brush it off and quickly move on or do you need the other person to reassure you that everything is ok? Are you often worried that your mistake or hurt that you caused will hamper your relationship moving forward?
Why do you suppose it is so hard to meet the need of attention with someone who needs it so badly? Do you struggle with someone (or someone's) who are always seeking attention? Sure, the answer is to give them attention when they aren't outwardly demonstrating the need for it, but that doesn't come easy or ever seem to satisfy. So then, what is one to do?
Affection is the physical and/or verbal expression that one is loved. Like every emotional need, some people need and enjoy it while others do not. However, even if you need it, how it's met matters as well. Some folks prefer a hug while others a simple, "I love you" will suffice. Others like a quiet note left expressing how much one means to them while another wants to hold hands any time they are in public. What about you? Do you need affection and if so how? Do you have someone in your world that either has a huge or no need for affection?
Tonight begins a new series of podcast for us here at the table. We will begin to go over the emotional needs in a more in depth fashion. We will begin this evening with Appreciation. Being noticed and loved for the things you've done or for who you are.
How does this apply to you? How and where do you like to be appreciated? In what areas of your life is it necessary for you to be appreciated?
Perhaps it's easier to look at it this way. When do you notice that you have not been appreciated? When and where do you feel hurt that you are not appreciated?
What happens when things are not only good in your life, but very good...but you don't feel it? In your head you know that you have done well or that things are working out but you FEEL uneasy, undeserving, or that impending doom is around the corner. What is that? Why is that? What can you do about that?
School is starting!!!...kind of. I mean, there will be school, and some kids will be going but it isn't how it's supposed to be. Jay's son Joe is a senior. This is no way to start a senior year. But hey, at least it's not what the seniors went through last year right? Wrong. You see, your story is your story. His (and their) disappointment is his (and theirs). Too often we minimize what we're going through because others have it worse. We'll be talking about that tonight...your story, your pain, why we have a right to it, and what to do with it.
"That hurt my feelings." Sometimes we get that from someone or say it ourselves. What does that communicate? Beyond the fact that something is wrong...not much. What emotional need was taken it not met? THAT'S what matters.
Remember the pandemic? Oh wait, it's still going on? Yeah. How are we supposed to feel about that? How do we feel about that? How have things changed....emotionally? What effect had this had on other areas of our life emotionally?
We're all under stress. Stress impacts us everyday. It causes us to act and react. However, sometimes stress doesn't let up or gets to be too much and impacts us in a more negative fashion. It then becomes DIStress. What's the difference between the two? What's the impact of distress? What can you do? We'll be talking about that tonight!
Welcome to the table! Tonight we have a very special guest to the table. From Long Island and currently living in Los Angeles, Michael Fernandez will be joining us. Michael is the husband of Amanda who was with us the past two weeks. He has spent a lot of time with a ministry that focuses on healing emotionally. We will be talking with him tonight!
Chris is back! Amanda is still here! Crazy times indeed at the table. Tonight we'll be catching up with Chris and getting to know Amanda a bit more. Also, we're focusing on the goal of all relationships. They are not to be just good but, in fact, it very good. What's that look like? We're talking about that at the table this evening.
Excited to have the one and only Amanda Fernandez on the show with us tonight! . Amanda moved to Los Angeles from Pittsburgh to pursue acting and directing. She's had parts in Desperate Housewives, American Sniper, and Revenge, in addition to creating her own web series, Wing Girlz. . We will be diving deep with her to discuss who she is and how she got to where she is today as well as things that happen in Hollywood. . What do people do to "get ahead"? What does being in the industry do to a person's soul? How has she been able to navigate that world, keep her soul intact, while encouraging and inspiring others?
Too often we feel alone. That's one of the main reasons we started this podcast. Some people look to identifying with larger groups to NOT feel alone. They find comfort in identifying with greater numbers of people, to not feel alone. However, there comes a price to pay with giving up your identity to that of the larger group. Sometimes, we feel alone IN that group. Other times, the group said or does something we don't agree with but now we can't give our dissent for fear of said group. What can you do? Well be taking about that tonight.
We are back from vacation and ready to sit at the table with you! It is always hard to transition back from a vacation. "Re-entry" is difficult and filled with pitfalls and emotional hurdles. Life in general is like that as well. There are few easy transitions. Tonight we will talk about life transitions and how emotional needs are impacted by them...and how meeting those emotional needs can help said transitions.
We would love to hear from you in regards to your most difficult and/or successful life transitions. It can be as monumental as a death of a loved one or as simple as the end of a school year. What makes it difficult? What helps?
We didn't want to talk about the virus for the past two weeks but we felt we had to. We would have been remiss had we not. We don't want to talk about the murder, protest, riots, looting, and senseless violence, but we have an obligation to do that. Obviously we will talk about it from an emotional needs/hurts perspective. We will look at it from the perspective of others but also, and perhaps more effectively, our (and your) own.
It was so great to be back with all of you at the table last week. We are excited to share with you again tonight. We will be on the air again towards 8. This week, we will be looking at how these past few months have impacted each of the top 10 emotional needs (attention, acceptance, affection, appreciation, belonging, comfort, encouragement, respect, security, support). How might we have been hurt and how did we get them met? Let us know by leaving a comment if you have input on this. How much did any of your needs NOT get met? Where you able to identify it or did you just feel angry, scared, guilty, or unlovable? Make sure you add any #dobetter and #cantdobetter and perhaps a #wtfawd (not a do better or can't do better but astounding nonetheless) entries as well.
Welp, it's come to this. Gov Wolfe (or the virus) is so threatened by us that he is shutting us down from doing our podcast (vis-a-vis the shelter in place order). We are going to meet TONIGHT one last time while we can. We do want to be obedient to the decree and not meet again until it's lifted. We will be going on the air tonight shortly before 8. Pull up a seat at the table!
Well, these are emotional times are they not? It really is unprecedented that the entire world is facing the exact same challenges at the same time (granted, to varying degrees).
How are these days finding you? What are you going through emotionally? How lonely do you feel? I guarantee you one thing. No matter what you're feeling, you're not alone.
After 65 episodes tonight's episode is the first! The first time we have had a couple on as guests at the table! Kate works with Eric at American Eagle and Luke is her fiance'. They are somewhat new to Lunchtime in Rome and have taken the Emotional Needs Inventory. We hope that you will pull up a chair and join us as we get to know them and their story.
Emotional Needs are for sissies. You don't need to worry about your emotions if you have a good relationship with God. Only girls have emotional needs. We never talked about these emotional things as kids, I'm not doing it now. As much as we have talked about emotional needs and how to keep others from being alone, it may shock you to know that many don't share our beliefs. Some people say many of the things written above. However, when people feel (feel...ironic isn't it) that way it has certain ramifications. THAT'S exactly what we'll be going over on tonight's podcast. Not only will we be going over what happens when people ignore their hurts and needs but...BRIAN IS BACK, again.
Tonight is the night!!! After 60+ episodes we are finally to the point where we have our very first guest!!! Richie Reeder of Pressingon.org will be joining us to talk about his life, his calling, and his views on loving others. If you know him, you'll want to hear this. If you don't know him, you're going to want to get to hear his story.
Sad but true but most people do not respond well when someone is hurt. We talked last week about how we go with facts/logic/reason, selfish, critical, and ignoring hurts. THIS week we're going over some tips on how to properly respond when someone is hurt. Remember, a hurt is an emotional need not met or taken from you.
We've gone over where hurts go. We've talked about where those hurts eventually reside and how they make us who we (and others) are. That being said, how do we respond to those hurts in others? Further, how do the way others respond to us effect us? We'll be looking at that this evening.
You ask, "Why am I the way I am?" or "Why are you the way you are (perhaps asked more often)?" We went over where hurts go last week but this week we want to flush out where they reside. Yes, hurts lead to anger, fear, guilt and self condemnation but then what happens? What actions are a result of hurts that are not comforted? We'll be looking at that tonight.
BRIAN IS BACK!!!! I never go with four exclamation points but for this I will. From Pittsburgh, to California, to West Virginia he is back with us this week.
You don't travel that much without running into a hurt or two. Remember, hurts are emotional needs not met or taken from you. That being said, what happens next? Your feelings are not met or taken from you and then...what? What happens to you?
Give us some examples of what happens to you when your feelings get hurt? What do you experience? What happens to your demeanor? What do you feel like? We'll go over any examples (if you you care to share) that you all submit to us and begin to discuss where hurts go and why on our podcast this week.
"That hurt my feelings." Maybe you've heard that. Maybe you've said that. Sadly, even THAT is rare in our world. We don't want to "make a big deal out of it" or "what's the difference?" so we don't say anything. But even if we do say that something hurt our feelings what does that mean? What is a hurt? Really, what does it mean?
It's a new year and we have something new for you!!!
Chris Davidson will be joining us for the podcast tonight! Who is Chris Davidson you ask? Just imagine Chuck Norris, John Mayer, the World's Most Interesting Man, and Chris Tomlin...all wrapped in one. THAT is Chris Davidson (I may be overselling him just a bit).
We'll be going over who he is but also going over emotional needs in general. It's been too long since we looked at them and it's good to go back to the basics.
Happy New Year!!! We missed you. It's only been two weeks (one week off for Christmas) but it feels like forever. We are back on this evening around 8:15 or so.
We will be catching up on the holidays so make sure to let us know if you have something to celebrate or grieve. We'll do that with you. We'll also talk about New Years resolutions and why they just don't always (read: never) stick.
Christmas! Except maybe for you it's, "Ugh...Christmas." This week we'll be talking about how to survive if this is a tough time for you. We'll also give some tips on how to love others during this year end holiday.
We received a couple of really good questions in response to last week's show about beginning to heal. We'll spend our time this evening answering them. Do you have any? Is there something you would like to have clarified on how to start to heal? Do you have a question on healing? Let us know!
First things first, how was your Thanksgiving? Let us know if something went great or catastrophic. We'll share either one!
That being said, we've talked a lot. Actually, we've been talking for a year. While sitting at "The Table" we've gone over all of the different things that make up not feeling alone...or being alone. That brings us to an interesting point. How do you start? What if you've been listening, joining in, sitting at the table but don't know how or where to start?
Maybe you are like most people and don't have a close group of people that you can share an emotion with and they will simply join you instead of trying to fix it or explain away the hurt. Maybe you have so much hurt from your childhood that you can't fathom going back to revisit it. Maybe you have so much hurt now that you can't even see your childhood.
We don't have miracles. There is no easy fix. However, tomorrow (Wed) evening we will be going over a few things that can perhaps get you started towards healing and finding some comfort.
Thanksgiving. What does that word do for you? Does it make you get excited for good food and family? Does it make you dread the thought of sitting with family and eating food? Do you look forward to time off and being with friends or are you heading straight into a time of loneliness and unmet expectations?
As it is, we want to share those emotions with you. We want to celebrate with you and mourn alongside you as well.
Also, is there something that you are especially thankful for this year? We'd love to celebrate that with you.
Have you ever experienced someone that tries to comfort you but instead hurts you, perhaps deeply? Their intentions were, most likely, all well and good but you were left quite the opposite.
Let us know about it so we can groan with you. Let us know if you knew it hurt but aren't sure why. Let us know simply to get it off your chest and not be alone.
AWKWARD!!! There's nothing worse. You walk into the funeral home, see the grieving person and ask, "How've you been?" or "What's new?" We've all been there. We have those moments when we don't know what to say so we end up saying the absolute worst thing.
So, what do you say when...you are in those situations? We'll be talking about that tonight.
Hey everyone, make sure to grab some nice carbonara, some chianti, and maybe some antipasti and join us for the podcast tonight. There is a lot to catch up on...a lot.
Everyone is having a great time. They're laughing, playing, talking. It's almost a cliche' the way each person is interacting. That is, everyone but you. You are on the outside. You are not part of "the group." You are watching, not participating.
What am I talking about? What part of life am I referring to? I'd love to know what you're thinking. As it is, I'm talking about school. Do you remember how alone you "might have" felt at school? From first grade through college, loneliness lurks. For 90%of you, this is kind of after the fact. But what about our loved ones? Our children, nieces and nephews, and the kids of our friends are facing this right now. How can we help them?
You stand there. You're surrounded by tens or even hundreds, if not thousands, of people. You've all chosen to come to this place. You, in theory, believe the same things. You have many things in common with all of these people and yet, you feel alone.
No, we're not talking about a sporting event. We're talking about your place of worship. Alongside your family, this is the one place your should NEVER feel alone...right? Well, sadly, it's not rare.
Being alone is one thing. You know, when you ARE alone. You live alone, your family is far away, you just don't have anyone. However it's another, far worse, thing when you FEEL alone despite NOT being alone...at home. You have family, you have a spouse, there are others, but you feel alone.
The phrases, "Who am I?" or "I have to find myself" can be a bit overused and even a bit annoying but they are real. However, the truth is, some of us have struggled with who we are. Maybe you're the "life of the party" but what do you have to sacrifice in order to be that identity? Maybe, you're the "one that's always there for everyone" but no one ever cares for you. Maybe you've been "that" guy/girl your whole life. Whatever "that" is, the fat kid, the slow kid, the annoying kid...maybe you've felt imprisoned in that identity and you feel...alone.
There's nothing better than when you love and like who you work with. The 8 to 10 (or more) hours go by so much more quickly. You can actually look forward to work! However, there are times and there are jobs where that is not the case. Sometimes we don't like the people we work with. Other times we don't work with people at all. What can we do to not feel so alone in those times? What can we do to help others not feel so alone? We'll be talking about this tonight!
Let us know how you have felt alone at work or what you've done to help others!
Sin. We've all done it, we all do it. Only the clinically deranged (I'm not sure that's the most ok term) have no problem that they do it. We all feel bad. We wish we wouldn't continue to miss the mark. However, sometimes people try to "help" us stop sinning. Their intentions are honorable (most often), but the result is we end up feeling alone in sin. Should we have company in sin? Clearly not. However, we should not be left alone or to feel worse for them. Or, maybe if we left "the sinner" alone, more people would change?
I've heard of this far too often. Ironically, in the recent years of social media maybe it's less, but it still happens. Tragedy hits, your life turns upside down, and boom, you're alone. The ones you thought would be there for you are not. Groups of people you depended upon don't call, don't ask, even disconnect. Sometimes, other people step up. Other times, no one does. Has this happened to you? I sure hope not but imagine it might have for many of you. If so, would you let us comfort you by sharing your story? We'll be talking about that type of being alone this week.
Alone in good times.
We've focused a lot on comfort. We've taught a lot about how to come alongside someone when things aren't going well. However, if we are to love people, we need to join them in the good times as well. Have you ever felt alone when things were good? Have you ever looked around for someone to celebrate with and found no one there? If you feel ok sharing, please do!
Sometimes when we are hurt over a long time we go one of two ways. We can simply detach from our emotions for someone. They live? Great. They die? Whatever. You are the same either way. The other is being enmeshed. Roles are confused, feelings intertwined. What are the ramifications of this? How does this happen? We'll be talking about that this week? Have you grown numb to someone in your world? Are or were the hurts just too much? Have you experienced enmeshment? If so, and if you care to share, please let us know.
What's worse than being sad? What's worse than anxiety? What's worse than depression? Going through these very serious things...alone. We're going to talk about that this week. Do you experience this? What comes with that? How do you get by? What helps? What hurts?
This week we'll be capping off our series on weddings with wedding ADVICE! C'mon, everyone loves to tell others what to do. What would you tell a couple that was about to get married to do? What are the musts and must nots? Don't keep it to yourself, let it out!
It was great getting the opportunity to talk last week about OUR weddings. This week we are really excited to share the great (and even not so great) memories from YOUR weddings. Did you do something special or different? Did you do a Unity Candle, Chord of 3, Marriage Knot, Planting a Tree, or something else? Was your wedding somewhere creative? Tell us your story!!! We'd love to share it.
Weddings. They’re the one of the most wonderful things in your life, yet one of the most common. In this episode, we talk about some of the memorable things from our weddings.
Good grief! No, not the famous words of Charlie Brown but rather the necessary reaction to loss and hurt. It is rather rare and very often feared. It can't be done alone and yet very often others make it worse. What should we do? What does proper healthy morning look like? How can we help others through this process?
What's worse than being wrong? How about when someone says you're wrong but you're not? Better (worse) yet how about when you and a loved one get trapped blaming each other for every single thing that goes wrong in your collective world? Is THAT you?
It’s the 4th of July. Independence Day in the United States. In this episode, we reflect on our good and bad memories of the holiday and touch on how for some, these days can be some of the loneliest.
This episode is a recap of vacation. Basically we’re talking about the food, folks, and fun we had over the past week.
Are you in a relationship where you just can't quite ever do enough? Are you in a relationship where your needs just aren't recognized? This can be really difficult and frustrating. It can also devolve into the behavioral game we'll be talking about this week.
People spend hours on the internet looking for answers to physical symptoms that they have observed amongst themselves. They know that something is wrong (maybe) but are frustrated in not knowing what it is and how to fix it.
The same is true with relationships. Sadly, too often people don't even think that there is an answer out there. However, there are common problems couples face that are able to be addressed.
Couples fall into behavioral patterns in an attempt to get their needs met without being open, honest, and vulnerable.
This week we are going to look at a situation called "Performer - Yes But" which is a bit of a struggle where one person suggests things and the other almost agrees but then shoots them down.
Sometimes we take roles in our relationships and don't even know it. Do you find yourself constantly asking for things to get done and yet they seemingly never get done? Conversely are you the one putting up with the constant nagging? Why do we do that? What's behind it? How can we stop doing that? We'll be talking about that dynamic tonight.
There's a lot of things that we can do better but that's awkward and hard. So, let's continue to point out how others can do better. Send yours in. Also lift someone up and tell us how they can't do better!
In a relationship we need to be open, honest and vulnerable. Beyond that, there needs to be mutual giving to meet each others needs. This does not happen organically or naturally. Thus these games manifest themselves into our relationships.
Siblings. We've talked about how a lot of what they have done to us in the past have left hurts that follow us to this day. However, there are plenty of great things our siblings have done for us that have blessed us, helped us.
Sometimes it's the greatest of magnanimous gestures that we remember forever. Others times it's the little things that we remember that stay with us over the years.
How did your siblings bless you? If you were an only child, who filled that role for you and what did they do? We'd love to hear from you and give proper attention to brothers/sisters.
How much does your years 1-12 have to do with who you are today? Nothing? Some? A lot? I would venture to say a whole lot more than you would ever imagine. Too often we look at what's wrong today and ignore what happened then. However, it is what did and didn't happen to us as children that shape who we are and how we feel today. We'll be talking about that tonight.
That friend. You either have them or you’re it. Let’s talk about them and try to understand why they’re the way they are.
Most of us have neighbors. Most of us have neighbors that we have to get along with. How does that happen? What do we do to bridge the gap for those that are difficult, and how can we be better neighbors ourselves?
Mothers, fathers, in-laws. Some of the biggest influences in our lives. The dynamic can be amazing, or it can add untold layers of complexity. In this episode, we discuss ways parents and in-laws can add opportunities to grow and learn in meeting emotional needs.
You love your spouse. You love your boyfriend or girlfriend (assuming you're NOT married). Yet, you keep having THAT fight. I don't know what it is but you do. It's the same one over and over again. The details change but the fight is generally the same. Why is that? How do we stop it? THAT is exactly what we're talking about this week.
What's yours? What keeps coming up on your relationship with your significant other?
Pull up a chair, we'll save a seat at the table for you.
Bosses. Most of us have one. Some are great, others are not. This week we discuss Bad Bosses. We talk about some examples of things bosses have done, and we also discuss what to do about them.
Everyone has a story that adds depth and understanding, but often we’re too inwardly focused to appreciate things from that person’s perspective. In this episode we talk about how to slow down and focus on those stories, and why that’s vital.
Inspiration. A dramatic positive impact on our lives. In this episode, we discuss ways people have been there for us in our lives and how by being that person to us, they’ve changes us and met key emotional needs.
Tonight’s episode is a little different. We review negative reviews from Itunes. We also have some of the most raw, meaningful moments we’ve ever had on the podcast. We discuss 4 people who sent in open, honest, and vulnerable moments from their past who allowed us to discuss on air. It gets deep, real, and special, real quick.
Kids face more social drama than ever before. With phones and social media there are more avenues for them to be hurt. Their solution very often is driving deeper into their cyber world. What are we to do? How can we help? How can we not make it worse?
Do you wonder how you can find deeper, more intimate levels to your relationships? Do you ever get frustrated by feeling you’re facing a wall when dealing with the people you’re supposed to be close to? In this week’s episode, we’ll discuss ways to break down those walls.
This is our 15th episode and a great moment to get everyone caught up to speed. Many of you have joined us along the way. We’ll be talking about all of the components that we’ve gone over to this point.
Many of us only know bad relationships. Some only know really bad relationships. But how many of us know good relationships? Or even VERY good relationships? Today, at the table, we talk about what the elements are that go into making a relationship Very Good.
Bad comfort seems to be what most people get, IF they are comforted at all. Good comfort can be elusive. In this episode, we talk about some of the ways we’ve been comforted in good and constructive ways.
We can comfort people in really bad ways. We can also comfort in good and healthy ways. And there’s a template to follow in this. In this episode, we unpack the process for how to comfort in a healthy, constructive way.
There are great ways to emotionally respond. We love to talk about that. But on the flip side, there are really, really unhealthy ways to NOT join people in their emotions too. This week, we’ll discuss four very unhealthy ways that will do you more harm than good
We’ve talked a lot over the last few weeks about where hurts go. Hurts are emotional needs not met or taken from you. Once we are hurt, it turns to anger, fear, guilt and self-condemnation. Our emotions aren’t just negative...hopefully. There should be some joy in life. However, sometimes we just feel numb. We look at life and the good things that happen and just feel, “That should make me happy...but I’m not.” Does that happen to you?
Anger. Fear. Guilt. And Self-Condemnation.
Our hurts go somewhere when they aren’t properly healed and addressed. Self-condemnation is one of those places. Many people live in this vicious cycle where they know they fall short or take actions they don’t like and then live in this place where they self-condemn.
How do we escape this cycle? What’s the antidote for this? And what did we eat this week that made our show go so long?
All of this and more, right here in Lunchtime In Rome
Happy New Year! We’re starting this year off right talking about good ole’ fashion guilt. Guilt can be a crushing companion. Many of us constantly live with the weight that guilt carries. We smile on the outside but are being crushed on the inside. Where does it come from? How do we get relief? We get into all of that and more in this week’s episode!
How has fear consumed you? What hurts have you experienced that have settled into fear? Too often we feel weak when we feel afraid. We suck it up, ignore it, or dwell in it. Our attempts to move past it are rendered fruitless and yes, cause us more fear.
Once again we welcome you back to the table. In today’s episode, we talk about what hurts have done to manifest in anger. We all get angry about things, and that anger comes from a place deep in our past.
And as always, we talk about food, life, and how grateful we are that you have chosen to sit down with us.
Please give us feedback. We would love to hear what makes you angry, where you think that came from, and of course, your Do Better idea!
If you feel like contributing to support us, please see our Patreon link. Hit us up on Facebook, Twitter, etc. with #dobetter or just to say hi.
Brian’s back! After a crazy week and a half of travel, Brian returns and talks about travel adventures and food. We also discuss how many people currently deal with hurt, and then compare that to how we SHOULD deal with hurts. It’s a deep dive into the process of attaching comfort onto a hurt in order to truly deal with that hurt. Why isn’t anyone talking about this?
Hurts happen every day and affect every one of us. You don’t have to let them define you. This week we talk about past hurts on the macro and micro level and how to cope and move towards healing.
Today, we’re talking:
Turkey Favorite Thanksgiving side dish NOT Black Friday NBC’s 2018 Dog Show The movie “Best In Show” Emotional needs How to start emotional needs healing with those who are close to us Our “Do Better” segment featuring “Drive Better People!”