Break the Cycle with DSD: Recent Episodes
Duane Robert
The podcast focusing on recovering from toxic narcissistic relationships with specific help to break the cycle of abuse for yourself and children. All are welcome and this podcast, and YouTube channel, serve both men and women, moms and dads.
A live update from the new place to see how things are going and provide an update…💬 Share your thoughts in the comments or join the live chat next time. Let’s keep the conversation going!❋ Show Notes❋ Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=\_s-xclick&hosted\_button\_id=4XTY6LZGAFHUA)DSD Channel Memberships (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join)☎ 1-424-373-5483 or 1-424-DSD-LIVEInternational Calling use this for free calling❋ https://www.callinstudio.com/show/dsdliveSign up for text notifications☎ Text "DSDLIVE" to (844) 598-0012Take a break from this - go camping!🏕https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi\_kf9gd6A☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ The M.E.A.N Workbook - https://gumroad.com/a/463385715/jkSo📖 Table of Contents🔗 Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord (https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x)DSD Channel Memberships (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join)⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. Links to find out more! ❋ YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce ❋ Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com ❋ Hypnosis - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis ❋ DSD Discord - https://discord.com/invite/hn9jE9x📨 Send Mail To: Duane DSD P.O. Box 225 Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/⛺️ Camping Channel - https://youtu.be/XL113YBePZ4# DSD #DSDLIVE
There’s a moment in every unhealthy relationship where something doesn’t sit right.
But the hardest part isn’t what they’re doing.
It’s realizing you might be with someone who is toxic — and not wanting to believe it.
In this video, I’m talking about the internal struggle that happens before acceptance. The excuses. The rationalizing. The identity hit. The war between who you thought they were and the pattern you keep experiencing.
This isn’t about labeling someone as evil.
It’s about recognizing unhealthy patterns.
It’s about trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance, and why intensity can feel like love — even when it’s exhausting your nervous system.
Acceptance doesn’t mean hatred.
It means clarity.
And the moment you stop arguing with reality… is the moment healing begins.
If this resonates, you’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re waking up.
ToxicRelationship #TraumaBond #EmotionalAbuse #HealingJourney #SelfGrowth #DadSurvivingDivorce
Breaking no contact after years of silence can feel like closure — until it isn’t.
In this video, I share a real experience of reaching out to a toxic ex after five years, and how that single moment revealed something deeper about healing, boundaries, and the way the quantum field actually responds to emotional patterns.
This isn’t about blame or regret. It’s about understanding why familiar relationships can pull us back so quickly, why some people don’t change, and how manifestation and visualization fail when they’re built on unresolved emotional energy.
You don’t attract what you want.
You attract what you emotionally rehearse.
We’ll talk about:
- Why trauma bonds feel familiar even years later
- How old emotional states recreate old realities
- The difference between intention and frequency
- Why no contact protects your nervous system — not your ego
- How to visualize a new life without reactivating the past
If you’ve ever wondered, “Maybe they’ve changed,” this video will give you clarity — and help you protect the future you’re trying to build.
I can also:
- Write thumbnail text (3–4 words max)
- Craft a 15-minute script timed to your slides
- Optimize YouTube tags & chapters
- Align this with your new manifestation series so it flows naturally
Just tell me the next piece you want built 🔥
🔖 OPTIONAL TAG LINE (for first pinned comment or description end)Healing isn’t proving you’ve changed.It’s refusing to rehearse who you used to be.🎯 WANT MORE?
For years on this channel, I’ve talked about things like limiting beliefs, absolute thinking, black-hole thinking, and what it really takes to rebuild your life after a major disruption.Recently, while exploring the work of teachers like Dr. Joe Dispenza, David Bayer, and Katie Clark, I had a realization that stopped me in my tracks:Much of what they’re teaching—under different language—is the same core mechanism I’ve been talking about all along.This video is the beginning of a new series where I connect those dots.Not in a “wish it into existence” way.Not in a motivational hype way.But in a grounded, practical way that explains why changing how you think, regulate, and see yourself actually changes your life.In this video, we’ll talk about:•Why identity drives perception, not the other way around•How nervous system regulation affects belief and behavior•What “rebaselining your life” really means after trauma or burnout•Why people stay stuck even when they “know better”•And how small internal shifts compound faster than most people realizeThis isn’t a departure from what this channel has been about—it’s an integration.If you’ve been stuck longer than you want to be, or you’re rebuilding after a collapse and looking for a clearer path forward, this series is for you.☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
There was a time when I believed that if I could just control the outcome—say the right thing, explain it better, try harder—everything would finally get better.But the harder I tried to force the situation, the worse it became.In this video, I talk about the hidden cost of trying to control what we can’t control, and why healing often begins when we finally let go. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It doesn’t mean approving of what happened. It means choosing peace over constant tension.When you stop forcing outcomes, your nervous system settles, your thinking becomes clearer, and life begins to move again—often in ways you couldn’t have planned.This video is for anyone who feels stuck, exhausted, or trapped in a cycle of trying to fix something that refuses to change.Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do isn’t trying harder…it’s letting go.☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
When you’re sick, exhausted, or run down, your brain does not function normally.Fatigue amplifies fear.Stress hormones spike.Catastrophic thinking takes over.Suddenly, everything feels urgent, permanent, and hopeless — and that’s when people make decisions they later regret.In this video, I explain: • Why illness distorts your thinking • Why catastrophic thoughts feel so real when you’re sick • Why reacting in that state is dangerous • And why the healthiest response is often to do nothingIf you’re feeling overwhelmed, emotional, or mentally foggy right now, this message is for you:Rest first.Stabilize.Decide later.This video is part of the Dad Surviving Divorce series focused on emotional regulation, recovery from high-conflict relationships, and learning when not to react.☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
If you’ve been out of a narcissistic relationship for months or even years and still feel stuck, confused, or emotionally drained—this video is for you.Healing from narcissistic abuse doesn’t follow a normal timeline. You didn’t just lose a relationship. You lost emotional safety, self-trust, and a sense of reality. That kind of damage doesn’t disappear just because time has passed.In this video, we talk about: • Why healing feels slow after narcissistic abuse • How your nervous system stays in survival mode • The difference between trauma bonding and love • Why grief and identity loss keep people stuck • What actually helps you move forward (without forcing positivity)You are not broken. You are recovering from something most people don’t understand.If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.🔔 Subscribe for honest conversations about healing, boundaries, and rebuilding after narcissistic abuse.💬 Share your thoughts in the comments—your voice matters here.☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
When children begin to realize that something about a parent’s behavior doesn’t feel right, it can be confusing, frightening, and isolating — especially if they don’t know how to talk about it safely.In this video, we talk about how to support kids when they start noticing unhealthy or unpredictable behavior from a parent, without attacking, diagnosing, or putting them in the middle.This video covers: • How to respond when a child says “something feels off” • Why believing your child matters more than explaining things away • How to help kids understand it’s not their fault • Teaching emotional boundaries in age-appropriate ways • Allowing kids to hold mixed emotions without guilt • How consistency and calm create safety during confusionThis isn’t about labeling or blaming a parent.It’s about helping children trust their reality, feel emotionally safe, and grow with resilience.If you’re a parent navigating high-conflict dynamics, this video will give you language and guidance to show up as the stable, grounded presence your child needs.☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
Letting go after narcissistic abuse is one of the hardest — and most necessary — steps in healing.If you’ve been stuck waiting for closure, explanations, or accountability from a narcissist, this video is for you. In this presentation, I break down what letting go really means, why emotional detachment is essential, and how releasing the need to engage can restore your peace and sense of self.This is not about forgiveness or excusing harm. It’s about protecting your energy, strengthening boundaries, and learning how to move forward without staying emotionally tied to someone who continues to cause damage.In this video, you’ll learn: • Why closure doesn’t come from a narcissist • How emotional disengagement supports healing • What letting go looks like in real life • Why choosing peace is not weaknessIf you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or recovery from narcissistic abuse, you’re not alone — and healing is possible.👍 If this helped you, please like and subscribe💬 Share your experience in the comments — your story matters☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
Are you constantly made to look like the “uncooperative” parent while your ex plays the perfect one on paper? You’re not alone. In this video, we dive deep into what it’s like to co-parent with a toxic or narcissistic ex who manipulates perception, weaponizes cooperation, and uses your kids to provoke emotional reactions.🎯 What You’ll Learn: • The harsh reality of trying to co-parent with a toxic ex • What “hybrid no contact” really means and how to apply it • How parallel parenting helps protect your sanity • The danger of over-communicating and how to document defensively • Why trying to “prove” the truth to others often backfires • Tools and scripts to manage school communication, scheduling, and more💡 Whether you’re deep in litigation or just trying to survive the week, these strategies are survival tools for reclaiming your peace while staying legally compliant.👉 If you’ve dealt with a narcissistic co-parent or are navigating high-conflict custody, drop a “REMOTE” in the comments to show you stayed until the end and to support others on this journey.🛠️ Resources Mentioned: • Video on Hybrid No Contact • Groundhog Day Effect: Easing transitions when your kids come back from the other home • Court-approved communication apps (Our Family Wizard, Talking Parents)
If you’re co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic or BPD traits and you’re in a 50/50 custody situation, this podcast is for you.
A listener asked: “My son is 3.5 years old—do I say anything about his mom, or just keep her out of my house entirely?”
In this podcast, I dive into:
- How to talk to a young child about a toxic parent (without causing damage)
- The mistakes I made early in my divorce—and what I’d do differently
- When to speak, what not to say, and how to create emotional safety
- Groundhog Day syndrome and how to stop it
- Why your home must become your child’s emotional anchor
- Tips for neutral transitions, boundaries, and avoiding triangulation
💡 Whether you’re just entering family court or are years into the battle, this podcast will give you grounded, field-tested advice to protect your child—without turning them into the battlefield.
👉 Drop your thoughts or questions in the comments—let’s help each other through the chaos.
After years of surviving family court, toxic co-parenting, and the emotional warfare of dealing with a narcissistic ex, the day finally comes—your child turns 18. The court orders stop. The forced contact ends. You’re finally free. But what happens next?
In this video, I reflect on my own journey and what it feels like to finally cross the finish line. I talk about:
- The countdown to 18 and how fast it really goes
- What it really means when court oversight ends
- How to emotionally process your new freedom
- Tips on creating a clean break from your ex
- Why letting your children lead matters post-18
- Protecting your peace and rebuilding your life
- How to become a guiding light for others still in the storm
Whether you’re just starting this battle or nearing the end, this video offers support, perspective, and hope.
👉 If you’re in the thick of it, know this: you will make it.
📢 If you’ve made it, consider sharing your story below to encourage others.
🔑 Secret word of the day: radio 📻
Drop it in the comments if you made it to the end!
In this impromptu test livestream, I dust off the setup, tackle some technical hiccups, and get back into the groove of live streaming! Together, we revisit the heart of this channel: creating a safe space for honest conversations about recovery, relationships, and overcoming narcissistic abuse. I field live calls, including one powerful story of perseverance and healing through a challenging family dynamic.
If you’re struggling with toxic relationships, recovering from a divorce, or navigating complex emotions, this is a community for you. We also cover topics like setting boundaries, finding clarity, and learning to advocate for yourself in difficult situations.
📞 Call-In Line: 424-375-5483
📲 Sign Up for SMS Notifications: Text “DSDLive” to 844-598-0002 for updates.
If you’re new, check out the Mindset for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery playlist on the main channel page—your starting point for healing and building resilience.
💬 Share your thoughts in the comments or join the live chat next time. Let’s keep the conversation going!
In this podcast, I tackle a powerful viewer question: “Do you know of anyone who, after divorcing a narcissistic spouse, went on to remarry, build a new family, and live a healthy life?” This is such an important topic, and the short answer is: YES, it’s possible—but it takes work.
I’ll share key insights into what’s required to break the cycle of toxic relationships, including:
✔️ Doing the inner work to heal and grow.
✔️ Setting and maintaining firm boundaries.
✔️ Learning to trust your gut and recognize red flags.
✔️ How healthy relationships can feel “off” at first due to past trauma.
I also share inspiring stories, including insights from Eric Carroll (Dad Talk Today) and my own experiences, to show you that healthy love is attainable after narcissistic abuse.
💬 Have you remarried or entered a healthy relationship after a toxic one? Share your story in the comments to inspire others. And if you made it to the end, type “YETI” in the comments to let me know!
🔗 Resources Mentioned:
🎥 Mindset for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Playlist – Start your healing journey here.
If you enjoyed this video or have more questions you’d like me to cover, let me know in the comments! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this video with someone who needs hope.
HealingAfterNarcissism #HealthyRelationships #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery
Listener asks the question of do I take her to arbitration again on minor stuff or just save my money?
Show NotesDuane discusses a question a listener asks about when to go to court and when to fight the battle? He covers the topics of what do you really hope to accomplish? Will this action “move the needle”. You have to take a hard look at the reality of the situation and what is the perception of other people involved.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Father’s always seem to be rejected by children, we discuss the reasons and how to cope.
Show Notes
A common problem people experience in high conflict narcissistic divorces and custody is being rejected by your children. This is a very painful thing to experience and it is very hurtful when you feel your own children “rejecting” you. In this episode Duane discusses the reason this occurs and ways to help you cope with the frustration and disappointment when your children are used as weapons.
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Slower learner | Take your life back after narcissistic abuse
Show Notes
DSD discusses the reality of it taking time to learn how futile it can be struggling to make a different in your life with a narcissistic ex. Duane shares how he continues to see people struggling with this concept. You get stuck in the mode EXPECTING justice and accountability. He shares how he hates to see people only learn this lesson after losing in court and then questioning why they even fought for it. Ultimately you have to take things slow and give yourself time to accept and see the reality of your situation. In the end focusing on your children and the relationship you have, and are building with them, is the key!
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
00:00:00 - Start
00:01:49 - New Topic
00:01:58 - New Topic
00:18:46 - New Topic
00:25:18 - New Topic
00:31:19 - New Topic
00:36:13 - New Topic
00:46:15 - New Topic
00:50:19 - NEW CALLER
01:02:07 - CALLER END
01:03:39 - NEW CALLER
01:10:48 - NEW CALLER
01:12:16 - New Topic
01:19:05 - New Topic
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Taking care of yourself | hobbies are important!
Show Notes
In this episode Duane talks about the importance of having a hobby or something that you enjoy doing. He also talks about the struggles when you are down, depressed, and beaten with ways to push yourself to break yourself out of that downward spiral. He then fields questions from others on silver bullets, narcissists seeking control, being forced to spend time with the ex, and finally an update on his current medical situation.
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
00:00 Start
02:55 - Welcome to the livestream
06:04 - Finding some positive to do hobbies
17:19 - Advice on handling message about school
21:20 - Narc fishing for control
29:57 - Supervised visits and lashing out
36:14 - Having to spend time with the ex
37:16 - When drop offs are late
39:54 - Silver bullet - supervised visits
47:02 - Don't respond immediately
52:49 - Worry about kids and narcissism
59:41 - Paranoia and narcissists
01:01:27 - Graduations with ex
01:08:03 - Realizing you have narc friends
01:12:03 - Getting to the other side!
01:13:03 - Our child as abusers?
01:21:48 - Ex should be normal around kids
01:25:31 - Narc mom blaming you?
01:31:32 - Medical update on me
01:35:21 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Dealing with the pain is the only way to get through this
Show NotesIn this episode DSD starts with a clip from Brad Pitt talking about his experience of running from the pain and ultimately how he worked through it to take his like back! Duane has a discussion with the audience about their experiences and ways to approach things
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 00:00 Start
03:24 New Topic
11:46 New Topic
28:56 New Topic
38:06 New Topic
43:07 New Topic
01:04:26 New Topic
01:10:17 New Topic
01:14:23 New Topic
01:16:18 New Topic
01:22:34 New Topic
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A deep dive discussion on the struggles of letting go with an update and review of the redacted Order Sustaining Demurrer on my civil case.
Show Notes
In this episode DSD talks about the struggles and importances of learning to “let go”. We discuss how difficult it is to actually do, being forced to learn the “lesson”, recognizing when you’re being pulled back in, and notice when you are stuck in the rumination cycle. Duane then shares how things really start to change ONCE you accept the situation and allowing yourself to “move on”. He also shares that unfortunately this process takes a LONG time and for some even years. DSD shares that it took him about 2 to 3 years for it to really sink in.
Duane then provides an update with a reading on the final Order Sustaining Demurrer that was finally sent and signed by the court. This leads into a discussion on various aspects of court.
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Table of Contents
00:00 Start
03:17 - The Struggles of Letting Go
27:20 - Review of comments
50:05 - Order Supporting Demurrer
2:01:25 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A discussion on how difficult it is to let of the past
Show Notes
The Healing Path: Navigate the path to healing with practical tips and strategies. Discover effective coping mechanisms and self-care practices to nurture your mental and emotional well-being.
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Alex on the news again & dealing with the stress of family court
Show Notes
Support the Channel
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Anxiety is a slow killer in narcissistic abuse
Show Notes
In this podcast DSD talks about the effectives of the constant anxiety and stress these situation put you under. He covers different techniques he has used to help him and other in dealing with this reality. Later in the podcast he takes a caller working through severe parental alienation and we discuss techniques on dealing with his minor and adult children.
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Donate through PayPal
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Showing up is more important than you realize!
Show Notes
Although these situations are very complicated, stressful, and more frustrating then they really should be it is important to show up and be there for your children. In this podcast we discuss some examples of this with callers sharing their stories.
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Donate through PayPal
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Handling when older kids are alienated
Show Notes
In this podcast DSD continues yesterday’s topic discussing the ways to deal with older children who are in the throws of parental alienation. He also takes the same caller to deep dive in his situation and talk through scenarios and ways to help his children
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Don’t fall for the narc daughter-in-law’s trap!Show NotesDon’t fall for the narc daughter-in-law’s trap!Support the ChannelDonate through PayPalDSD Channel MembershipsParticipate in the show!During the show you can call in live at 1 (424) 373-5483 1 (424) DSD-LIVE Web Interface - free dialing You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD websiteTable of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD DiscordDSD Channel MembershipsShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosisLinks to find out more! DSD YouTube Channel DSD Website Hypnosis Downloads The M.E.A.N Workbook Channel Memberships--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Can you “disarm” a narcissist?
Show Notes
In this podcast DSD tackles the question of HOW to disarm a narcissist or if it is even possible. He covers the blame shifting, understanding their “motivation”, no engaging and other techniques to minimize the effect of narcissistic attacks!
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Starting 2024 strong when dealing with Narcissists!
Show Notes
Duane starts the new year with a BANG covering topics on perspective, getting them out of your mind, removing chaos in your life, using exercise to minimize stress, focusing on where you want to go and building your support network! We Also have a few callers talking about their experiences and perspectives!
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Dodging the narc rocks & taking your life back!
Show Notes
In this podcast DSD talks about how toxic narcissist person will continue to find ways to throw “rocks” at you and drag you back into the drama. It is important to recognize what is going on and to find ways to minimize the damage. Ultimately the best course of action is taking your life back and protecting yourself from their drama and chaos!
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Having an Un-Narc Christmas!
Show Notes
Hang out for a DSD Christmas livestream - take your life back and make the most of this difficult situation!
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Don’t play the narc “what if” game
Show Notes
In this show DSD covers a question/comment a listener had about ruminating about the past and asking “what if” thinking they could have done something “different” to have a better outcome or to not having this nightmare experience
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
When do you fight unilateral narc medical decisions?
Show Notes
When do you fight unilateral narc medical decisions?
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Picking your battles with a narcissist
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Do we attracted narcissist?
Show Notes
Duane discusses the reasons why we seem to have so many toxic people in our lives.
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Donate through PayPal
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Supervised visitation and playing “the game”
Show Notes
The main topic of the show is dealing with supervised visitation and playing the game with the “professionals” to start to eek back time and success. This is a very trying time and emotionally draining but it is important that you jump through the flaming hoops and demonstrate that you are NOT the person your ex is claiming you are.
We have a caller who talks about their struggles even after winning full custody of the children and how the ex still plays games and tries to damage the relationships and experiences.
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Winning feels like losing with a narcissist
Show Notes
When you're dealing with a toxic, drama-filled person, it can feel like even when you win, you lose. It's important to realize that going through this mess puts a ton of stress on you. Sometimes, we want a big, impressive victory to feel like things are finally turning around, but the emotional and mental toll makes it hard to see the progress.
These experiences mess with your head, making you compare your past to what you hope for in the future, and it seems like you're losing big time. To break free from this, you need to stop obsessing over what your ex is up to and give yourself time to heal and move on. It's okay to take a breather and process everything you've been through.
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Dealing with the impossible dealing with a narcissist
Show Notes
In this podcast Duane discusses the reality of dealing with the impossible scenario when dealing with a high conflict narcissistic ex. DSD talks about how they push you to your breaking point, holding on to what you think should happen, trying to force the “system” to work the way you think it should, accepting the reality of your situation, and choosing to “respond” differently to these situations. Ultimately helping you to make the decision to TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK!
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
The stressors of dealing with toxic and narcissistic people
Show Notes
In this podcast we discuss the unique stressors of dealing with toxic people and the catastrophic thinking we can find ourselves in. We can also find ourselves getting advice on “letting things go” which is just almost impossible in our situations. Duane talks about techniques he has used to deal with his own personal struggles and way you can leverage that experience in your personal situation.
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
You have to set boundaries!
Show Notes
In this podcast Duane talks about the importance of having and setting healthy boundaries for yourself with toxic people AND your own children. He discusses the issues on how toxic people, including your children, will push and poke at you to “test” your boundaries or to even see if you have any at all. He also talks bout where to draw the line when setting boundaries and the how critical it is that you are prepared to follow through with the “consequences” when they are broken. Finally he covers the important of giving yourself wiggle room when you are dealing wit h boundaries with your kids so that you do not back yourself into a concern.
Support the Channel
Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A narcissist is always “performing”
Show NotesIn this show Duane discusses the realities of performances and how they can quickly adapt to changing responses to continue their narrative and illusion. We discuss the underestimated ability to “fake it”, how when corned in a lie they are able to “get out of it”, their abilities to manipulator and control narratives and how important it is to NOT REACT to their drama and not feed into their continued delusions
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Trust your gut when you feel things just aren’t right!
Show NotesOftentimes we ignore the signs and red flags of toxic situations and relationships. When we “look back” you can start to see those signs and “remember” when your gut was telling you something was wrong. In this podcast we discuss the signs and ways to approach “listening to your gut” and your body!
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Reaching the point where you have no more F’s and energy to give!
Show NotesIn this podcast DSD talks about reaching that point when you change your perspective and shift your energy and focus toward yourself AND making your life better.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Toxic narcissistic people thrive off of generating pain, misery, and controlling their target.
Show NotesIn this podcast we discuss how a toxic narcissistic relationship will push you to your breaking point. Even before the relationship ends the stress and torment can be too much to endure.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A high conflict narcissistic divorce can make you start to question your sanity and in this show we discuss the realities of this and ways around it.
Show NotesDuane discusses the hardships of going through a high conflict narcissistic divorce and ways to deal with it while focusing on maintaining your sanity. He then takes viewer questions about the topic with advice on how to deal with it.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A narcissist will always be looking for wedge issues to exploit. Parental alienation is always a concern
Show Notes
In this show Duane talks about the reality of how high conflict narcissistic ex’s will always be looking for wedge issues to exploit and use for parental alienation. Even when you feel like your relationship is strong with your children you must keep your guard up. Kids, even older ones, are susceptible to narcissistic manipulation and parental alienation. You also need to understand that you have to choose your battles wisely - a toxic high conflict ex will generally respond with chaos and direct negative attention to your children. Keep focused on winning the war, you don’t need to win a battle and end up losing the war!
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Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A discussion about the voluntary manslaughter conviction of James Brashear in the killing of John Mast.
Show Notes In this discussion Duane discusses the jury verdict for Jame Brashear in the killing of John Mast during a scheduled custody exchange in February 6th 2021 in Lewiston Idaho. The discussion covers the charge for murder 1, murder 2, and voluntary manslaughter. The trial started on Tuesday, August 22nd 20223 and completed on Friday, August 25th 2023. There were what appeared to be “missed opportunities” that prosecution didn’t not cover during the trial. Duane talks about his thoughts when the defendant and his family appeared on the stand. False allegations are very difficult to fight and even if you exonerate yourself there are still residual effects. Ultimately Duane talks about ways forward and how to try and take your life back!
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Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
We discuss the live changing experience validation provides when we learn about the reality of personality disorders and their patterns of behaviors.
Show Notes Validation is a very important part of the healing process after a high conflict narcissistic divorce with a person who shows all the patterns of behavior of a personality disorder. You go from feeling like you are living a one man nightmare or in a never ending twilight zone episode. Although validation is important you have to be careful to not stay in that phase and start putting in the work to take your life back. Ultimately you have to start asking yourself, “Ok now what do I do”? Moving past validation and into questioning (and action) is how you ultimately take your life back!
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Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Discussion of the importance in watching for narcissistic traps in their search for narcissistic supply and control!
Show Notes High conflict narcissistic people unfortunately. This is recurring issue that you will probably experience from personal relationships, ex spouses, family members, children, and work situations. In this video we talk about the importance of being vigilant in watching for traps. How you have to be extremely careful with how you react to their provocation and traps. The importance of slowing yourself down BEFORE you respond and the reality of how they will ultimately change tactics to try and get you to respond in a certain way.
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Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A discussion on defining “victory” while going through a toxic narcissistic divorce.
Show Notes
This discussion starts with a look at perspective and how we look at things when we are going through a toxic narcissistic divorce. It really is a means of “how you look at it” and how you compare your current situation with your previous expectations. This covers the key points of perspective, how the kids are with you, what happens if/when they do not chose “you”, do the kids engage and love you, and summarizing on even if alienation is complete how you still have to take your life back no matter what!
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Participate in the show!
During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
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Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Can everything actually work out?❋ Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4XTY6LZGAFHUA)DSD Channel Memberships (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join)☎ 1-424-373-5483 or 1-424-DSD-LIVEInternational Calling use this for free calling❋ https://www.callinstudio.com/show/dsdliveSign up for text notifications☎ Text "DSDLIVE" to (844) 598-0012Take a break from this - go camping!🏕https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ The M.E.A.N Workbook - https://gumroad.com/a/463385715/jkSo📖 Table of Contents🔗 Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord (https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x)DSD Channel Memberships (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join)⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. Links to find out more! ❋ YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce ❋ Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com ❋ Hypnosis - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis ❋ DSD Discord - https://discord.com/invite/hn9jE9x📨 Send Mail To: Duane DSD P.O. Box 225 Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/⛺️ Camping Channel - https://youtu.be/XL113YBePZ4#DSD #DSDLIVE
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Stop second guessing why you fought for your kids☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Coping with narcissistic in-laws and their influence on our ex and lives!☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Getting close to summer vacation and graduations☎ For one on one coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/❋ Become a channel member! - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUXEHz3OECVwLz1X-SNM4lw/join📱Text "DSDLIVE" to 1-844-598-0012 for text notifications🏕Camping Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJroZvhxsDDjLi_kf9gd6A⚠️DISCLAIMER - Links used in this description are affiliate links and if used a small commission will help support this channel. Use of these links do not change the cost of the items purchased.⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only. 📨 Send Mail To:Duane DSDP.O. Box 225Edwards, CA 93523📨Email To: duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com🕸Website: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com🎙Podcast: https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/☎ Coaching - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/coaching/🕸DSD Discord - https://discord.gg/hn9jE9x#DSD
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Catastrophic emotions can send you on a dark path!
Show Notes
Oftentimes when going through a narcissistic divorce you can fall into the trap of thinking and feeling everything is catastrophic. This is a dangerous place to be in and oftentimes things are not as bad as we see them. This discussion cover the importance of recognizing the “positive” information you’re getting and not falling into a defeatist attitude.
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Table of Contents
🔗Links Mentioned During Show
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor
This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!
- DSD YouTube Channel
- DSD Website
- Hypnosis Downloads
- The M.E.A.N Workbook
- Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Duane talks about almost being “done” with family court and how life is going to be afterward.Show NotesIn this improtu episode Duane discusses being “almost done” with family court, custody, and child support. The decade long experience is coming to an end in a few months and everything is going to change. All of his kids will be adults living their own lives.Support the ChannelDonate through PayPalDSD Channel MembershipsParticipate in the show!During the show you can call in live at1 (424) 373-54831 (424) DSD-LIVEWeb Interface - free dialing You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD websiteTable of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD DiscordDSD Channel MembershipsShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosisLinks to find out more!DSD YouTube Channel DSD WebsiteHypnosis Downloads The M.E.A.N Workbook Channel Memberships--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Show Summary In this episode Duane discusses the difficulties of seeing a way through a high conflict divorce with a toxic narcissist person. Part of the problem
Show NotesA discussion on how to get to the other side of a toxic relationship and finding a path to take your life back! In the early stages of this it can be almost impossible to see a pathway to getting to the other side of this. It often feels like there is no way through and that no one truly understands what you are going through. The key to moving forward is acceptance, re-baselining your life, and realizing when you are beating your head against the wall. You have to learn to re-focus your time and energy to creating (and maintaining) your own peace, building on the relationship with your children (if you have any), and ultimately removing the chaos from your life. This last part can be extremely difficult because you can become “comfortable” with chaos and in some ways might even seek it out. This is a normal part of the process
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A discussion about how being present in the moment can be a catalyst to getting your life back
Show NotesIn this episode Duane discusses the topic of being present in the moment and how that can be a critical shift your perspective that gets your life back. This came up in a recent coaching session with a client. When you are stuck in the chaos you are not able to “enjoy the moment” or to be present. Although this may sound like a simple concept it can take decades for you to understand and realize how important this is.
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Toxic narcissistic abusive people will use the children’s medical bills to continue abuse
Show NotesDuane receives a question about how I dealt with the continued finical abuse through medical billing. In this podcast Duane talks about the importances of understanding your emotions, what you can do, and how our perspective MUST change over time.
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
YouTuber and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach Angie Atkinson passed away Sunday, November 27th
Show NotesIn this show Duane takes a moment to recognize the loss of Angie Atkinson and the impact she has had on the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Duane and Angie have previous guested on each other’s shows.
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowAngie Atkinson
QueenBeeing
Angie Atkinson on Amazon
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Show Summary A response to a listener who wants to know the timelines of recovery from toxic narcissistic abuse/divorce
Show NotesIn this discussion Duane answers a listener question who asks how long the divorce process was, the length of anxiety, how long it took to turn things around with the kids, and the overall timelines before you start to get your life back.
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A discussion about the steps Duane when through to go from the anger, bitterness, and despair of a high conflict narcissistic divorce to where he is now.
Show Notes The hardest part of recovering from a high conflict narcissistic divorce is finding your way through. We start this process looking for answers and thinking something has to change before anything can get better. At the beginning of this journey we think and believe the change has to be accountability, justice, vindication. As we progress through this we realize the change comes from within us. In this episode Duane discusses his journey, struggles, and the dark days before finding his peace, and his way through this experience.
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Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A viewer shares their story of breaking “no contact” with their ex and how it stalled their healing!
Show Notes A listener shares their story of breaking 3 months of No Contact to meet up with their ex. They thought they had healed and this would be a good idea but it was definitely not. Immediately after the meeting they felt as though they were back at day one. Duane talks about the dangers of breaking no contact and what it means when you have one of these setbacks. Duane then reads another comment where a person is struggling with the fact the ex has a new “man” and is “living the good life”.
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Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
A listener posts a story about how they are fighting through parental alienation in Kazakhstan
Show Notes In this episode a listening from Kazakhstan posts their story of parental alienation in Kazakhstan. Duane go through the story and offers thoughts and ideas on how to go forward. The listener is original from Brazil and is also trying to get “approval” to take his daughter to see her grandparents for the first time, but mom is blocking him every step of the way. He is also dealing with the mother convincing the child to “decide” NOT to see dad and refusing to go.
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Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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Table of Contents 00:00 - Start of show
17:36 - End of show wrap up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Learning to trust again after a toxic narcissistic divorce where you feel like you were conned and tricked!
Show Notes In this episode DSD talks about the struggles of learning to trust yourself again after a high conflict narcissistic relationship. Often times people feel they can no longer trust themselves to see “red flags” with personal, professional, and romantic relationships. Duane deep dives into this issues with reasons why it happened and techniques to help yourself get your life and trust back! We quickly talk about the risks of going back to a toxic ex. Duane comments on how emotional flashbacks and post traumatic stress discord responses can be use as an indicator that more work is required. A listener comments on how frustrating it is when people say, “Give it time, things will get better” without context. We then dive into the question of “who discarded who” and how your intention is really the indicator of what you are doing. A listener then asks the question of if they will EVER get a 2nd date and we talk about the struggles of dating and some of the realities in this day and age. This leads into the story of how Duane and Debby first met!
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Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
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Table of Contents 00:00:00 - Start of show
00:03:48 - Morning show not working out
00:05:37 - How do I trust myself again?
00:31:50 - Patterns of behavior repeat
00:42:55 - Going back to a toxic ex
00:47:04 - Sometimes emotional flashbacks are helpful
00:49:54 - When they say things will get better
00:55:50 - They convince you YOU are the crazy one
00:57:46 - Who “discarded” who?
01:00:39 - Will I ever find a 2nd date?
01:04:16 - How I met Debby
01:17:36 - End of show wrap up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Reno Law Review files motion of intent to intervene in the Alex Falconi, Our Nevada Judges, American Civil Liberties Union case for transparency and 1st amendment rights in Family Court
Show Notes We update the listeners on the news of Reno Law Review filing a motion to intervene in the ACLU and Our Nevada Judges case against the Nevada Court System. Duane discusses how important it is when we are presenting and telling people about our situations. We then discuss the unfortunate news of Spiritual Empowered Coaching being demonetized by YouTube and her plan to address it. DSD asks the listeners if they thought they would lose in court but felt the need to fight anyway. A listener asks Duane his initial reaction to the divorce being over. We then discuss how the Amber Heard vs Jonny Depp case is being blamed on men and how women are targeted. The conversation then goes to how a toxic narcissistic ex will use your history to manipulation and control you. Duane discusses the fact that not all divorces are high conflict toxic messes. He elaborates how in his opinion toxic people are children in adult bodies. We wrap up with a listening thinking about how it was foolish to think things would calm down once the divorce was final.
Links Reno Law Review - https://thisisreno.com/2022/07/review-journal-asks-to-join-court-access-case/
Our Nevada Judges - https://www.ournevadajudges.com
SEC YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/c/SpirituallyEmpoweredCoaching
Heir of Justice YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChjtxyaA9jZ8w0w2UGywoxw
Support the Channel Donate through PayPal
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Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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- Web Interface - free dialing
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Table of Contents
00:00:00 - Start of Show
03:04 - Reno Law Review file motion of intent to intervene
12:39 - Importance of transparency with Judges
15:16 - How we present is critically important
19:38 - YouTube demonetized SEC
22:11 - Ex accused new supply of abuse in court
26:20 - YouTube reuse and monetization issues
31:35 - Doing everything you can during court
38:53 - Initial reaction to divorce being over?
41:32 - AH v JD trial being blamed on men
45:11 - Why do they use your history to manipulate you?
48:39 - Not all divorces are narcissistic
53:44 - Children in an adult body
56:41 - Foolish thinking once divorce was over things would calm down
58:33 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Toxic narcissistic people have a unique ability to push your buttons and get you emotionally dysregulated. It is incredibly important to recognize when this is happening and take steps to keep yourself calm.
Show Notes In this show we discuss how a toxic narcissistic ex is able to target their “button pushes” to trigger raw emotions and emotional dyregulation. Duane discusses the importance of recognizing this and then taking steps to calm yourself down. We then address a concern, example, where the other parent is doing things that we do not agree with. Duane then discusses examples of his own person unhealthy coping mechanisms in the early days of his experience. A listener brings up the topic of which “violations” are important enough to fight. We then talk about the importance of listening to your children and giving them the ability to express their views - with us explaining WHY. DSD talks about the unfairness and frustration of having to pay for things that aren’t even used. This leads into a discussion of finding ways to break free from the recurring anger.
Links Support the Channel Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 00:00:00 - Start of Show
00:03:28 - Importance of remaining calm
00:14:00 - Mom can't get kids up on a Saturday morning
00:16:20 - Ex hits reset and tries again in court
00:22:55 - They find your emotional triggers
00:28:53 - Unhealthy coping mechanism
00:33:59 - Picking which violation is worth fighting
00:36:23 - Not having money to buy a house
00:39:38 - Importance of listening to our children
00:41:27 - Paying for childcare you don't use
00:52:43 - Finding ways to break free from the recurring anger
1:00:39 - Not being able to provide for the kids
1:02:26 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
In this show we discuss how a toxic narcissistic ex will use the information they know about you to push your buttons
Show Notes Duane discusses how a toxic narcissistic ex will use they information they’ve learned about you to target how to push your buttons and get a reaction from you. It is important to understand what they are doing, why they are doing it, and how to effectively respond and react to it. We then take a caller who is struggling with the fact the ex has married his ex-best-friend and exposed their lies of infidelity. A caller shares how he wants to have a relationship with his adult children ages 21 and 23 that he hasn’t seen for 8 years. Finally we have a caller who shares how they (father) have won an enforcement order for their 17 1/2 year old son to come live with them and how the potentially borderline ex has continually demonstrated a “borderline” pattern of behavior.
Links Support the Channel Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 00:00 - Start of Show
03:02 - How they push our buttons for reactions and control
09:04 - Caller - Ex is marrying my best friend and who she cheated with
32:34 - Caller - Hasn't see his children for 8 years
48:42 - Caller - Court ordered 17 1/2 son to follow court order and live with dad
56:44 - Take your time before you start dating again
59:00 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Show Summary The American Civil Liberties Union of Nevada has join the case with Alex Falconi from Our Nevada Judges to fight a new rule allowing unprecedented control of family court proceedings
Show Notes Our friend from Our Nevada Judges, Alex Falconi, has been arguing with the Nevada Court System on their efforts to prevent his organization from covering court proceedings. The new rule they implemented would allow the court to deny access to ALL court proceedings without cause. The American Civil Liberties Union have taken the case to fight this unjust ruling. This is an unprecedented move and is a watershed moment where we just might finally get more visibility into the court operations, especially in family court.
Links Support the Channel Donate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show! During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 00:00 - Start of Show
02:49 - ACLU supports Our Nevada Judges access to Family Court
23:45 - Finding good attorneys
37:19 - DSD Discord - Facebook Alternative
46:28 - Try to mediate your case and stay away from judges
53:40 - Deciding HOW you are going to parent
59:26 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During Show DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Taking your power back is a difficult process and in this podcast Duane and callers discuss this process
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Seeking justice in family court and after a narcissistic relationship
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
In this show we focus on a caller who is having difficulties with his adult sister who is show narcissistic traits!
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/break-the-cycle-with-dsd/support
Show NotesDuring this podcast Duane takes numerous phones calls with a couple of them highlighting their successes in family court in both the United States and the United Kingdom.
LinksSupport the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
KeywordsParental Alienation, DSD, Dad Surviving Divorce, Duane, Duane Robert, Narcissistic Abuse, NPD, personality disorders, triggers, PTSD, break the cycle with DSD, podcast, DSDLIVE, Eric Carroll, Dad Talk Today, John Mast, IStandWIthJohn, I Stand With John,
Earlier this year John Mast vindicated his name and heinous false allegations of abuse against his ex and his children. After finally winning unsupervised visitation of his children he was murdered by his ex father-in-law and the custody exchange. Eric had connected with John through his Dad Talk Today show and had become friends with John. Eric has made it his mission to shine light on John’s case and drive attention to the plight of parents caught up in the family court machine and how some ultimately lose their lives in this fight.
LinksI Stand With John documentary
Dad Talk Today on YouTube
Dad Talk Today on Facebook
Dad Talk Today on Instagram
I Stand With John - Trailer
DTT Interview with John Mast
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
04:49 - When is it okay to violate an order to see your kids?
1:12:45 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
John Steinbeck from Brainwashing Children joins Duane again to tackle the difficult issues of parental alienation. John has many years of experience helping others and practice experience with his own adult child. Duane and John talk about practical techniques you can use in your own alienation scenarios.
LinksFaceBook - https://www.facebook.com/brainwashingchildren/
YouTube - Brainwashing Children
Brainwashing Children the Books - http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/book/
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
04:49 - When is it okay to violate an order to see your kids?
1:12:45 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode Duane talks about the struggles of missing your children and wanting to push for change. This discuss comes from a father who hasn’t seen their children for over 18 months and was questioning if he should just “show up” at church to see them. As cruel as this situation is it is very important to choose your battles wisely and to ensure you do not hurt your overall case for a moment of gratification and/or victory.
LinksSupport the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
04:49 - When is it okay to violate an order to see your kids?
1:12:45 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this impromptu livestream DSD has some good discussions with a variety of callers and commenters. First Duane takes a comment from a listen who is just starting the process and questioning. DSD updates the community on what has been going on this last month and a recent overnight camping trip that he took to decompress and reset. We then discuss a comment where a listener is concerned they might be a narcissist or have narcissistic fleas. A long time member comments on how anger is our biggest enemy and how we have to be careful to not respond or react in a way that makes things worse. We then have our first caller who discusses a recent experiences trying to set boundaries with his ex that resulted in the police being called. Duane then rants on when you are questioning your sanity of what you are dealing with. We then take a caller who talks of the importance of controlling your anger and seeking help if it is causing problems. DSD then takes a caller who discusses the first caller and how their relationship with their own children is playing out in spite of the stress and anxiety. We finish with a caller who shares how their ex’s new girlfriend is taking the children to medical appointments by herself.
LinksSupport the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
06:25 - Comment - Just separated, discussion on how this is at the start
09:35 - Question - Should we seek anger management?
11:05 - Discussion - Duane talks about the last month and getting away
13:55 - Comment - I sometimes think I’m the narcissist
15:36 - Comment - Anger is our biggest enemy going through this crap
16:34 - Comment - Time runs out for these narcs on child support
17:50 - Caller - Setting boundaries with a narcissistic ex
35:24 - Discussion - Rant on questioning what we are dealing with
39:19 - Caller - Dealing with anger issues and court aftermath
46:30 - Discussion - Trying to get your to snap by pushing your buttons
49:52 - Caller - Discussing the first caller dealing with the drama
58:19 - Discussion - How your children act around you is key to how you are really doing
1:00:42 - Discussion - The use of the word “triggered”
1:01:50 - Caller - Ex’s girlfriend is taking children to dentist and doctor appointments
1:12:45 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode Duane takes callers who are struggling with maintaining relationships with their children. We start the show with a return caller who has an update on his situation where he is finally starting to get intervention for the children. The next caller shares how their situation is starting to improve and expose the ex’s behaviors in front of a visitation supervisor. We then take a question/comment about coercive control and how it effects family court. Duane takes a caller who has done everything he can and is walking away from fighting with and for his kids. We deep dive into the complexities of this situation and recognize that sometimes you just have to walk away. Duane takes a question from a listener who wants to know where he is with his own children. Finally we have a caller who shares how she has been a target from the finances ex-wife and how she now understands how difficult it is for kids to be in the middle of this.
LinksSupport the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
09:39 - Caller - An update with intervention for the kids
23:23 - Caller - Making progress with supervised visitation
31:08 - Comment - Coercive control and the effects on family court
32:26 - Caller - Losing the hearts and mind of your children with a toxic narcissistic ex
43:48 - Discussion - Understanding the pain of someone who has lost
46:01 - Question - Where are you with your kids?
50:40 - Caller - Kids as flying monkeys for the mother
1:01:39 - Discussion - Missing doing the morning show and lives
1:03:13 - Question - Are you going to have the father from Erasing Families on?
1:07:16 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Duane is joined with the host of Dad Talk Today, Eric Carroll, to talk about the John Mast murder story. Eric shares the information he has about the story, John’s family, and what he is doing to make sure his story is not forgotten. Eric is also working on a documentary called “I Stand With John” and a followup up called “Still Standing with John” to cover the trial of the father-in-law that admitted to murdering him.
LinksDad Talk Today on YouTube
Dad Talk Today on Facebook
Dad Talk Today on Instagram
I Stand With John - Trailer
DTT Interview with John Mast
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
00:58 - Who was John Mast
02:51 - Eric talks about how he is doing
04:56 - What is the status of the FIL
07:10 - The #IStandWithJohn
11:57 - The demeanor of John Mast
17:16 - How to make something positive out of this
20:57 - Dad Talk Today invited back to CPAC
24:13 - Details on the documentaries
28:50 - Where to find more information
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Divorce is expensive. Divorce with a toxic, narcissistic, high conflict ex is financially devastating. In this episode Duane discusses the unique problems we face and ways to work through it to start to regain control of your life and future. This includes taking a scary look at the budget, understanding the anger and resentment, how change your perspective, and ultimately to build a plan to take your financial life back and turn things around. We have a caller who shares their struggles with this exact problem and how the unfairness of it all makes it so difficult to move forward. A listener asks Duane his plan to support the his kids and college. Finally we have a caller who has a different problem, they ex will not share ANY information pertaining to their 7 month old child.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 00:00 - Start of Show
03:50 - Discussion - How to get through this financially
24:49 - Caller - It isn’t fair they get everything
44:56 - Question - How am I going to pay for college for the kids?
47:49 - Caller - They won’t co-parent and share information what do I do?
59:59 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Duane shares his thoughts on having to put in the work to really transform your life. You often go through significant hardships that force you to make changes in your life. Although a toxic high conflict divorce can be one of the most difficult things a person can ever go through there is an opportunity to rebuilt from the ashes of the experience.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents 00:00 - Start of Show
03:40 - Discussion - It takes a lot to make you want to seek out change
28:14 - Caller - Shares their personal growth and transformation through this process
59:43 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode DSD discusses how this experience is very similar to having to reboot a computer. At some point you have to make the decision that things just aren’t working right anymore and you have to “start fresh” to reboot your life. The first caller of the morning calls to clarify a comment in a previous show where they said they “don’t need DSD” anymore. The reality is that is the purpose of this show, to get people to a place where they are living their lives out from underneath toxic abuse. Duane then is asked how he was able to mentally able to “keep up” with all that was going on. The sad reality is he wasn’t and he shares ideas on how to help you get through it. We then have a caller who is struggling with their ex constantly trying to insert themselves into their lives. A listener then asks how does a parent start being involved when they haven’t been able to for a couple of years. Finally we tackle the question of when an ex “empowers” the children to decide to no longer follow a court order.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
02:59 - Discussion - Rebooting your life
10:51 - Caller - Getting your life back!
21:06 - Discussion - It’s a compliment when people don’t need DSD anymore!
22:21 - Discussion - Finding member only events
24:20 - Question - How to mentally keep up with everything when this starts
29:09 - Discussion - Finding your pathway through and realizing there is hope
33:38 - Question - How do you store your videos?
34:38 - Caller - Ex keeps trying to create problems
48:14 - Discussion - Ways to minimize their negative influence on your life
51:00 - Question - How does a parent start being involved when they haven’t been for years
53:47 - Question - Ex says kids can decide to choose to visit dad?
59:43 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Duane is joined by Christine Gille an attorney and partner in the Gille Kaye Law Group who specializes family laws in Pasadena California. In this episode they discuss the best interest factors as they are defined in California, how to structure your documentation to be effective in court, and when you can make an argument to file for an adjustment in child custody. They also discuss the burden of proof in family court and why it feels like the accused is always on the defensive. Christine demonstrates how to document your involvement in your child’s life and what to do going forward if you were not as involved. Duane asks the question, “do judges REALLY read the documentation?” They also discuss when it is important to address accusations the ex makes against you and when to ignore them. Christine also talks about the importance of being proactive to demonstrate your personal growth during this process. Finally the discuss the ways you can craft your message to demonstrate a chance of custody would be appropriate.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
02:10 - Introduction of Christine Gille from Gille Kaye Law Group
03:30 - What are the “best interest factors” in California
06:37 - How to deal with “misrepresentation” of facts
13:04 - Why is the burden of proof on the accused in family court
15:10 - What do you include in doc to show involvement in kids life?
25:07 - How to get involved if you weren’t prior to separation
27:44 - Adjusting child support and imputed wages
37:08 - Do judges actually read the declarations/documentation?
40:18 - What do you include in your documentation?
42:31 - Do you need to respond to everything they say?
46:03 - How to show you are growing as a parent and person
50:37 - Crafting the nuance of the message and story
54:11 - When can you file for a modification to your order?
57:19 - Importance of learning this at the beginning
58:05 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode Duane is joined by moderator Debby who is literally “in the house” for this extended two hour show. The first caller of the show talks about how they were setup with their marriage and how difficult it has been. We then discuss the difficulties of holding a toxic ex who uses false allegations accountable. We then have a caller who shares his story of how he didn’t follow his attorney’s advice and avoided a potentially dangerous and/or damaging situation. We then have a caller who is two weeks in dealing with his wife levying allegations against him and his mother. A return call shares his heartwarming story of his first time with his son without the toxic control of his ex! Another caller shares his story of false allegations of abuse against his two kids and how he is proceeding after CPS cleared the charges. Then another caller talks about being careful to not make mistakes when false allegations are being reported. Duane then tackles a question of a mom who wants to move out of state with their children and how to proceed. We have another uplifting story of a father who has finally been able to see his adult autistic son after over a year. Finally we discuss why the burden of proof is always on the accused and why that is.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00:00 - Start of Show
00:03:31 - Caller - I was setup with my latest marriage
00:21:22 - Question - What can we do to hold them accountable?
00:24:40 - Question - Trying to get away from a smear campaign from father
00:26:49 - Caller - Follow your gut, sometimes do not follow attorney’s advice
00:33:06 - Discussion - Coercive control laws in the UK
00:34:48 - Caller - 2 weeks in, dealing with false criminal allegations
00:50:42 - Discussion - How to get onto the DSD Discord
00:53:41 - Caller - Return caller, sharing his first time with his child after moving out
01:04:12 - Discussion - Took the day off so its an extended show!
01:07:07 - Discussion - The Proper Person - Alex Falconi’s YouTube channel
01:09:25 - Question - Does the ex know about the DSD channel?
01:12:00 - Caller - False allegations of abuse against kids and what is my next move
01:25:47 - Caller - Don’t make mistakes with false allegations
01:30:42 - Discussion - They are your arch enemy now
01:33:40 - Question - Planning to move out of state
01:39:16 - Caller - Finally got to see his adult autistic son for the first time in years!
01:47:41 - Question - Why is the burden of proof fall on accused
01:54:58 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Kris Godinez comes back to the show to talk denial and how it can be dangerous to not accept the reality of your situation. Kris starts with a story bout how one of her clients finally “read the damn books” and realized how important it is to “do the work”. Kris and Duane discuss the reality that when you do not heal you are destine to repeat the toxic patterns. They also discuss the reality that disordered people will sabotage good relationships because their inner shelf doesn’t believe they deserve anything good. Duane talks about how he has tried to help his own children learn healthy boundaries and minimize toxic people in their lives. Kris brings up a scary, and deadly pattern, where people go back with their abusers for it to only get worse. We take a question from a listener who wants to know how to protect their children from a toxic parent and ensure they do not because toxic themselves. Kris cautious people to NOT give everything to a toxic ex to just “get away” and how it is important to fight for what everything you can. They also discuss false allegations of parental alienation and ways for a targeted parent to protect themselves.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
01:57 - Kris Godinez joins the show to talk about denial!
08:22 - Getting healthy to repel toxic people
13:38 - Repeating trauma when you don’t heal
21:55 - Sabotaging relationships to stay in chaos
27:01 - Teaching your children about healthy relationships
32:25 - Going back to a toxic ex
38:15 - How to protect our children from a toxic ex?
44:47 - Don’t just give in to a toxic ex and give them everything
47:10 - How to deal with false allegations of parental alienation
52:14 - When do you protect yourself and having boundaries
59:33 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowWe Need To Talk With Kris Godinez
Kris Godinez Website
The Self Esteem Workbook, Gleen Schiraldi, PhD
The Disease to Please, Harriet Braiker, PhD
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this show the first caller had made a deal with their spouse, even had it notarized, but now they are arguing that it never happened and continues to lie about it. The caller is struggling with the unfairness of the process and is trying to figure out the best way forward to get this over with. Next we have a return caller who shares they are planning to appeal their recent court decision that denied their increase in parenting time. They discuss the struggles with representing yourself and ensuring you have a valid argument based on law. At the end Duane discusses how it is important to understand the rules of family court and the legal system so you can ensure you are doing things correctly. You generally get one chance to make your case so you need to make sure you do it effectively!
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
03:08 - Comment - Seems like everyone is against men
05:45 - Caller - Ex signed a notarized agreement but now pretends she didn’t
24:08 - Discussion - The complicated path forward
29:43 - Caller - Planning on appealing decision by myself
52:58 - Discussion - Playing the game without the rules
59:59 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
We start with a return caller who after over 400 days has finally moved out of the marital home. They have 50/50 on their temporary orders and although they won everything they wanted it is still emotional to finally leave the martial home. The caller is also experiencing the crazy, “You must pay for this” scenario that so many have to go through. We then have a listener ask if they can give their child over-the-counter medication when the ex has full medical decision authority. A first-time-caller shares how they were rushed into signing the martial separation agreement and how their ex has effectively cheated them out of $10k. A listener asks DSD a very personal question about if the ex withheld sex during the marriage. We then have a return caller who shares that the first overnight the ex had they couldn’t keep the child the entire time. A listener comments on their struggles with the holidays and how difficult it is when you have so much anger and hate toward a cruel ex. Finally DSD tries to help a listener understand that holding on to anger toward the kids can corrupt all aspects of their life.
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
04:51 - Caller - Just moved out and feeling a bit emotional
27:03 - Question - Can I give child OTC medication when ex has full medical authority
30:29 - Caller - Rushed to make decisions and being taken advantage of
37:54 - Discussion - These people are self centered
42:12 - Question - Did the sex ever stop with the ex?
44:32 - Caller - First overnight and he dropped child off early
51:10 - Comment - Everything is so difficult during the holidays
57:02 - Discussion - Threw my back out yesterday
58:44 - Question - Ex ruined relationship with kids - what to do when they ask for a handout for college?
59:56 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode Caleb Leverett joins the conversation about his path through a toxic divorce, the dark days, how he made it through, and ultimately found a way to live his dream! In this talks about if he ever thought he’d be able to do sailing. Caleb discusses why he focused on activism but now has pivoted his entire channel to a “sailing” channel. Duane and Caleb talk about the struggles of finding “hope” when it all seems impossible. Caleb shares his thoughts from when he had to go to jail and now being the happiest he’s ever been. Duane and Caleb discuss the POWER of making peace with your situation and letting go of the stress and anger and how things seem to “work out” when you finally do that. He also talks about where he plans to sail on his little “cutter” and the countries he wants to visit. Finally Caleb offers up advice for people in the early stages of this on how to get to the other side and get your life back!
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Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
02:23 - Introduction of Caleb Leverett
08:32 - Did you think your dream would ever happen?
16:03 - The darkest part and how did you get through it?
24:20 - Moving from activism to sail boat channel
32:03 - Finding your hope and getting through it
34:24 - Being isolated and finding community
39:39 - Going from being broken to joyful
45:00 - Making peace and letting go of stress and anger
50:56 - How far would you like to sail?
54:53 - Enjoying the moment until I get paid again
59:18 - Key takeaways to help someone get through this
1:01:03 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowCaleb Leverett YouTube
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode Duane starts out by sharing Caleb Leverett will be on the show to talk about life after family court. Although this can feel like you will never get out of this there is a pathway to a life better than you have today. It make not seem like it but there really is. This leads to a discussion on how these people will continue to circle around your life and make things complicated. A listener comments that even though he has the validation he was right on his assumptions he still doesn’t feel happy about it. Then a listener as how one would defend themselves from the last caller in the previous days show where the silver bullet is used. We then discuss now a toxic narcissistic person hates it when you are doing happy things with the kids. A caller shares how they are dealing with the aftermath of a toxic divorce. Although they are still in the midst of it they see the path forward and has hope of things getting better. Finally a return caller shares how his perspective has changed in dealing with his ex and how he dealt with a recent situation.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
03:00 - Discussion - Caleb Leverett will be on the show tomorrow
08:44 - Discussion - Staying out of family court
10:36 - Discussion - They don’t go away - even if you give them everything
15:42 - Discussion - I’m falling physically apart
20:03 - Comment - Can’t be happy about being right
21:49 - Question - How to defend against silver bullet
28:29 - Discussion - Don’t post your number online - use the DSD Discord
30:54 - Comment - Ex didn’t like when we’d play in the snow
39:18 - Caller - Dealing with the aftermath of a marriage separation agreement
51:57 - Discussion - There is life after this today is not forever
52:39 - Caller - Dealing with EX during holidays
59:38 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
The show starts with a question about how to deal when time is denied using COVID as an excuse. DSD talks about ways to mitigate this and to still have an opportunity to celebrate the holiday with your children, even if you have to reschedule it. A listener comments about how important acceptance, perseverance, and perspective are in getting your life back and breaking free from the chaos the toxic ex creates. Duane then discusses his recent experience watching the “Erasing Family” documentary and how difficult it was. A listener brings up the latest video from Dad Talk Today and Duane explains some of the difficulties of Facebook and YouTube and why Eric is pivoting toward YouTube from Facebook. A listener then brings up how difficult it has been with the ex effectively erasing him overnight. This leads into a discuss about how it can really screw with your mind when someone does that. A listener then asks what to do when the kids show up telling stories the ex has made up about the past and wanting to know how to deal with that. A caller shares their struggle with trying to maintain the status quo until the kids are all in college and they can escape. This leads to a discussion about how difficult it is for people to understand what you are going through. Finally DSD talks a bit about some potential guests that might be in the pipeline.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
05:53 - Question - What to do if holiday time is denied
11:47 - Discussion - Acceptance, perseverance, and perspective
13:08 - Discussion - Erasing Family documentary
23:07 - Discussion - Dad Talk Today and their pivot to YouTube
27:08 - Discussion - Narc ex acts like I never existed
31:58 - Question - Kids show up telling made up stories, what do I do?
35:47 - Comment - So much more that could be better for the children
43:59 - Caller - Still married and waiting to escape after the kids are in college
51:19 - Discussion - People don’t understand what we go through
57:00 - Question - Any new guests schedule?
59:59 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
DSD discusses the difficulties of accepting that the trauma is over. It can be difficult to let go of the fear and anxiety of a situation when you’ve been dealing with it for a while. We discuss the importance of understanding this reality so that you can work through it. From there we have a caller who’s brother, who is very supportive, has remained friends with the toxic ex and is looking for suggestions to deal with it. We then discuss “groundhog” days with the kids and how their attitudes change. A caller shares their story with groundhog days and is looking for understanding of why their children’s attitudes change through their week. We then have another caller who is also wanting recommendations on how to deal with a child that is very angry and pushing to go back to the other parent. Duane takes a moment to share how grateful his is to be able to witness people’s change from the beginning of their process. Finally we tackle a very difficult call where the caller’s new husband is being accused of molesting his previous step-daughter who is now 16.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
04:22 - Discussion - Residual trauma when things are over
09:50 - Caller - Brother is still “friends” with ex
19:40 - Discussion - The issues with getting guest
22:48 - Discussion - Groundhog Day with the Kids
30:19 - Caller - Dealing with an angry child
39:50 - Discussion - Getting to see people change through the show
42:40 - Caller - Kids attitude changes through my week
55:26 - Caller - Husband’s ex-wife daughter accused him of molestation
1:03:45 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
iTumblers, a member and viewer of the show calls in with an update to their situation. We discuss the ins and outs of what happened and their perspective going forward. It wasn’t a great outcome but he has a plan going forward and some thoughts he wants to share with the community to hopefully help them.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
06:42 - Caller - iTumblers calls into the show with an update!
1:03:03 - Discussion of perspectives
1:07:07 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
DSD starts the discussion off with the difficulties of accepting the reality of our situations. The betrayal of trust is such a difficult aspect of this to deal with. It takes time, as in a few years, to ultimately process what you’ve been through and to accept what and who you are dealing with. A listener shares how their ex stole their private journal and tried to use it in court. Another commented that after a significant smear they want to be friends and pretend “nothing” happened. Duane then discusses how if your approach isn’t working with others, like judges, therapists, etc that you MUST change your approach. A listener then asks DSD if his ex switched from covert to overt. We then discuss the question of how the high costs of family court influences your approach. Duane then talks about his recommendation of NOT volunteering to pay for their attorney fees. A listener brings up their numerous panic attacks that led to hospitalization and how important it is to take care of yourself. We then discuss the recurring tactic of threatening to call the police. Finally we end on a question is it over optimistic to think after all of this things will go back to normal.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
03:02 - Discussion - Struggling with accepting the reality of our situations
12:33 - Comment - They stole my private journal and brought it to court
18:20 - Comment - After they smear they want to be friends
19:35 - Discussion - Changing YOUR tactics and approach
25:26 - Question - They switch from covert to overt?
27:55 - Question - How does cost of court influence approach?
36:01 - Discussion - Do not volunteer to pay their attorney fees
38:54 - Comment - From adversarial mode to acting like friends
43:59 - Discussion - Taking care of yourself
46:38 - Comment - Threats of calling the police
49:16 - Question - I might have to pay attorney fees?
53:38 - Question - Is it over optimistic to think after final things will go to normal?
59:59 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode Duane readdresses an old topic of smear campaigns. A listener had asked the question if he would talk about he effects it has on your emotional mindset and physical conditioning of your body and how it effects you once you are through it. DSD also discusses how our perspective change and in some how’s how these experiences transforms our lives in ways we would have never imagined. We then take a return caller who seem to keep losing in court. Their ex has convince the judge they are the problem and she keeps losing every point in court. Duane offers some advice to help change the perspective and to be more strategic going forward. He then takes a return caller who had success in court! The caller, even though their mother and sister wrote statements for the ex was able to get time with their daughter in spite of the smear campaign.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
02:43 - Discussion - Smear Campaign and the effect on your mind and body
18:01 - Discussion - How this changes your perspective
23:49 - Caller - I’m losing in court
45:20 - Discussion - All of this is hard and draining
48:18 - Caller - Good news with a court hearing!
58:38 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
George Hibbert, retired doctor/psychiatrist and Jill Canvin, retire solicitor join the show today bringing their professional expertise. George was a doctor and psychiatrist who was a consultant and senior lecturer in Oxford, specializing in drug and alcohol misuse and personality disorders. Jill spent her professional career in the criminal and family courts. Both focused on the most difficult family dynamics where they had to assess parents who were considered by social services as a danger to their children. George and Jill have brought their experiences together to help parents gather evidence they need to make their case in the family court system.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
02:10 - Introduction of Jill Canvin and George Hibbert
07:08 - How do the professional recognize personality disorders
12:13 - Treatment of personality disorder and success
19:24 - How do ancillary series like social services, GAL, Judges, etc see high conflict
21:25 - How to get believe to believe you?
29:16 - Family court is destroying lives
32:50 - Aligning arguments with “best factors”
37:29 - How to maximize success with our children’s hearts and minds
41:48 - Technique to understand where your child is emotional at
47:48 - Reconciling the damaged that has been done by an ex
49:53 - The best ways to document what is really going on
56:20 - The “On Record” platform
57:51 - Key takeaways and suggestions to help people right now
59:51 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowMy On Record
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this show DSD how in the aftermath of a toxic high conflict divorce your perspective will change and your priorities will evolve. In his story he talks about how before this he was very anxious and stressed about “everything”. After going through this he realizes, and he’s seen with a number of coaching clients and interactions through the channel, how others have adjusted their perspective for the better. A listener then asks if Duane and Debby talk about “pumpkin” when the show is over and Duane discusses their process now. We then take a caller who’s ex is starting to be “nice” and the pitfalls and risks associated with that. A caller shares that you can never trust these people and it is a trap. Duane then talks about his focus when creating the DSD show and what he always hoped to accomplish. A listener asks a question concerned about how their child is processing all of this. Finally we end with a caller who although still legally married hasn’t seen their 15yo son in over 3 years and is thinking of just divorcing and moving on with their life.
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Table of Contents00:00:00 - Start of Show
00:02:45 - Discussion - Changing your perspective
00:14:09 - Discussion - Don’t let stupid things bother you
00:18:59 - Question - Do you talk about the ex when the show is off?
00:23:29 - Caller - Dealing with the ex playing “nice”+
00:43:19 - Discussion - We don’t want to be in this nightmare
00:44:39 - Caller - You can never trust these people
00:48:09 - Discussion - Trying to help people make it to the other side of this
00:52:04 - Comment - Friends just don’t “know”
00:55:08 - Comment - Don’t understand how my child reacts to all of this
00:56:45 - Caller - Still married but haven’t seen 15yo in 3 years
01:59:52 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowBeware of the Nice
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode DSD discusses how important it is to limit your interaction with negative and catastrophic thinking people. Duane comments on some recent trends he’s seen on Facebook groups were people are ultimately making their situations worse. These people reenforcing the system is against you and you are going to lose. This thought process can make you run out of options and start making bad decisions. You have to be strategic in what you are working toward, get the best resolution you can get. Fight the fight to win not just be there and be a martyr. We then take a caller who discusses a recent Supreme Judicial Court ruling stating it is unconstitutional to prohibit, and pushing people, for talking about their case online. We then have a caller who talks about their drive to get OUT of family court and get on with their lives. A return caller shares more details about their fight for the 2yo son and the extraordinary steps he’s taken to disprove the ex’s false allegations. Finally we have a caller who wants to know if it is risky to ask their ex to pay for a covid test for their 6 month old daughter.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
02:44 - Discussion - How to effectively deal with toxic divorce
12:22 - Discussion - Melissa Isaak on Dad Talk Today
17:01 - Comment - Ex’s attorney and judge pushing contempt but my attorney stop it
18:08 - Caller - Court said it is unconstitutional to say you can’t talk about your situation
21:39 - Discussion - Fighting the system under their rules
23:40 - Caller - Just want to get OUT of the family court system
36:08 - Discussion - Clarification the source of show topic
38:28 - Caller - Fighting for 2yo son and making slow progress
53:31 - Discussion - We all hope they will grow up
54:54 - Caller - Should I ask ex for some money for a covid test for daughter?
59:52 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowDad Talk Today - Eric and Melissa Isaak
Divorcing couples have right to use social media
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode Duane discusses the difficulties of ruminating and constantly thinking and questioning a toxic ex. It is incredibly difficult to come to grips with the reality the person was never who they portrayed themselves to be. From there we talk about how to stop blaming yourself for what happened and thinking of yourself as a failure. A listener then shares how the best revenge is letting go of the need and feelings of revenge. A return caller shares his temporary order victory of 50/50 and how just staying the course helped him get what he was working toward. The caller is just a latest example that victories are possible and can be achieved. DSD then discusses a point the caller made, and his own judge made, where they were encouraging the involvement of fathers in the children’s lives. This leads to a talk about how you can get to the other side of this. But it is important to limit the negative information and influence that you allow into your life. Bottom line stay away from people who keep telling you directly or indirectly that you are going to lose. Duane shares a story of when he believed a young airman who was calming being a victim but ultimately violated his trust. Finally some listeners bring up some collaboration ideas and DSD talks about potential guests on upcoming shows.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
02:44 - Discussion - Toxic ex stuck in your mind
14:06 - Question - How do you stop blaming yourself for the failure?
21:23 - Comment - Best revenge is letting go of revenge
22:21 - Caller - Victory with temporary orders 50/50
33:00 - Discussion - There are victories to be had!
38:19 - Discussion - When judges encourage parent being involved
44:25 - Discussion - Getting to the other side of a toxic relationship
48:28 - Discussion - Stay away from people saying you are going to lose
53:05 - Discussion - When the sob story is a lie
55:03 - Discussion - Potential collaborations
59:54 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowHypnosis Downloads
DSD Discord
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Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
Duane starts the show discussing how you can get trapped in your own way of thinking. He talks about how in his own life he can get so fixated on a particular path that he doesn’t see the best way forward. A return caller shares of a loss in court and how their ex is using a specific situation to deny access to the children. This leads to a discuss of how these people will use anything they can do to fit their situation and desires and how sometime we can use that against them. Ultimately we can get stuck trying to figure out the motivation a toxic person has and what is driving them. A return caller shares an “a ha” moment where they finally understand that it isn’t necessarily about punishing them but instead it is about them trying to erase you for their own convenience. Finally we talk about how difficult it is to NOT respond with our own “snarky” comments back to them.
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Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
03:14 - Discussion - Getting trapped in our own way of thinking
07:00 - Discussion - Time is flying by
08:25 - Caller - Struggling with losing more time and access with kids
23:49 - Discussion - Using words out of context
27:38 - Discussion - What drives a toxic person
32:59 - Comment - I’m the throw away parent
38:17 - Caller - Understanding the “why” is difficult to see
57:14 - Discussion - Caught up in the “snarky” comments
59:27 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowHypnosis Downloads
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In this episode DSD does an extended podcast and hangs out with subscribers. DSD does get a caller who shares his ultimate victory in court and how much the channel helped him succeed. The caller shares how things can get better with perseverance and staying calm throughout the process. We then take a question when a listener asks if it is worth it to write the flying monkeys to tell them they are wrong. DSD then answers a question where are listener struggles with repressing their emotions and then explodes once a month in front of the ex, who then records the entire incident. A listener then shares how they went to mediation and ended with no agreement. They also share how they tried to reduce time and asked for a move away. Duane talks about how this is such a standard tactic. A listener asks Duane how he is going to deal with college for his kids. This leads to a discussion of how we have to re-baseline our lives and understand/accept the new reality we live in. A listener asks if the self-hypnosis actually helped and DSD talks about his experience with it. Finally we talk about having Debby on an upcoming show and a bit about memberships and the DSD Discord.
Support the ChannelDonate through PayPal
DSD Channel Memberships
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00:00 - Start of Show
00:05:06 - Discussion - How to handle when gaslighted
00:12:00 - Question - Ex acting all nice and avoiding mediation
00:23:43 - Caller - Won BIG in court
00:52:47 - Discussion - Things can get better
00:54:02 - Question - Is it worth it to write to the flying monkeys?
00:58:38 - Discussion - Make your dollar go further with Black Friday deals
01:01:19 - Question - Repress everything then explode while recorded
01:08:36 - Comment - Mediation completed with no agreement
01:10:43 - Question - Are you going to be able to pay for college for kids?
01:18:00 - Discussion - Why I feel drawn to do this channel
01:20:07 - Comment - Ex is a big spender
01:24:28 - Question - How much did the self hypnosis help you?
01:29:04 - Discussion - When will Debby be back on the show?
01:31:39 - Discussion - Memberships and Discord
01:40:18 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowHypnosis Downloads
DSD Discord
DSD Channel Memberships
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook * Channel Memberships
In today’s show Duane starts by reflecting on the years of going through this toxic high conflict divorce. He discusses how his perspective has changed over the years. This almost comes up in how they adjust to everything we do and constantly throws us curveballs. We then have a caller who is very frustrated that he is trying to do everything right, and pay for everything, and their ex is doing everything to make things as difficult as possible. This leads to a discussion on how no “good deed” goes unpunished. A listener then asks Duane why his middle daughter has decided to stay with their mother. A caller updates us on the orders and custody of his 2 1/2 year old and their frustration with the orders. DSD discusses how sometimes it is difficult to see the victories we do have when going through so much pain and frustration. Finally we have a caller who is struggling with their kids wanted to spend more time at their mom’s and how the ex constantly tries to push the time back.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
03:48 - Discussion - A day of reflection and gratitude
08:34 - Comment - Every time I adjust they throw a curveball
11:54 - Caller - I’m paying for everything including legal fees
26:19 - Discussion - Every good deed never goes unpunished
29:23 - Question - Why did your middle child choose mom?
32:55 - Caller - Update, have temp orders and not thrilled
51:41 - Caller - Kids keep asking to stay longer with their mom
01:02:25 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook
DSD starts the show with a comment about a listener who had to call the police on their ex when they wouldn’t leave their home. This was all the result of him having child support reduced $500 a month. Duane then takes a caller who is questioning if they should keep their attorney. This conversation flows into a discussion about looking at the bigger picture and making the best strategic decisions you can. We then discuss the differences of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder compared to standard Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. DSD then has a caller who’s ex wife is a nurse but it only working 20 hours a week and is under reporting her earnings. Duane talks about imputed wages and how that can be assessed to compensate for this saturation. This leads to a discussion on DSD’s view on child support and alimony. We then have a grandmother caller who lives in a mother-in-law house on property but the daughter-in-law will not allow her to see the grandchild. Finally we have a unique caller who shares they think their friends might be demon possessed instead of just being narcissistic.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
05:09 - Comment - Had to call cops on ex yesterday
09:25 - Caller - Should I keep my lawyer?
28:08 - Discussion - It is difficult to see the bigger picture
28:44 - Discussion - Being diagnosed with C-PTSD
35:02 - Caller - My ex-wife is under working to avoid paying
38:13 - Discussion - Court biased against the person with money
39:43 - Discussion - Child support and alimony
43:41 - Caller - DIL won’t let me see grandchild and live at same property
55:15 - Caller - Are they demon possessed
59:33 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook
Duane starts the show answer a question about how to deal with parent teacher conferences when the school is not supportive of the complexities of a toxic divorce. This leads to a discussion, after a significant Super Chat, about how grateful Duane is to have had the opportunity to turn such a tragic situation into something positive. We then have a return caller who goes into more detail of their concern of sending their young child from Canada to the wester United States for visitation. Duane discusses some strategies to deal with this difficult situation. The call leads to a discussion about how stories can be extremely triggering for people going through this type of stuff on both sides. A listener asks a question about what they can do when an ex wants to move out of state and take the kids. We then have a return caller who shares how their STBE reacted to the judge staying “this is a 50/50 case” and how narcissistic/toxic people always hear what they want and ignore the key points of a situation. Duane then comments on the quality of people that are on the channel and how the stories different from the typical ones on Facebook where it is just bad call and bad news all the time. Finally a listener asks if they should use the exes stuff as leverage to get them to do what they are suppose to do.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- Web Interface - free dialing
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of Show
03:10 - Question - Dealing with parent teacher conferences
06:33 - Discussion - Making a positive out of a negative
07:38 - Caller - Out of country visits during COVID
31:46 - Discussion - How stories can be triggering
33:20 - Question - What can we do about a move to another state?
39:47 - Caller - Ex’s reaction to judge saying “50/50”
49:49 - Discussion - The quality of people on the DSD Channel
51:33 - Question - Should I use stuff as leverage to get her to do something
55:49 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* DSD YouTube Channel * DSD Website * Hypnosis Downloads * The M.E.A.N Workbook
Jana Herde from Jana Herde Coaching joins the show to discuss the difficult topic of father daughter relationships and how to strengthen and rebuild them. During this interview Duane and Jana discuss many topics to include the idea that dad’s just do not understand girls and need more time with their mothers. Jana discusses how important it is to establish long term patterns from the father with their daughters so they know the dad is invested in their wellbeing. They then discuss the situation when the fathers are more emotionally available and supportive than the mothers and how that oftentimes results in a lot of anger from the mother. Jana then talks about how to give a teen space but still maintain a connection. Duane and Jana then talks about how time is so much more important than stuff. Jana then talks about ways to maximize the limited time you might have with your child and ways to deal with it when the ex is fighting you on this.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00:00 - Start of Show
00:02:41 - Jana Herde Coaching - Father Daughter Relationship Expert
00:08:39 - Mom says Dad doesn’t understand girls
00:13:24 - Establishing long term patterns
00:15:09 - What girls need from their fathers
00:24:11 - Situations where fathers are more emotionally available then the mothers
00:28:18 - How to give teenager space but stay involved
00:32:49 - Time is more important than stuff
00:38:47 - The important of family meals together
00:43:09 - Make firm decision but not come across as the narcissist
00:51:35 - How to maximize limited time with kids
00:56:14 - When the ex withholds letters, presents, gifts, etc
01:03:06 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowJana Herde Coaching
Jana Herde Instagram
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * The M.E.A.N Workbook - https://gumroad.com/a/463385715/jkSo
Duane starts the discussion with a question about how easy is it to get “make up time” when time is moved around. DSD shares his experience on how this rarely worked in his situation. The first bit of good news is a comment from a listener who says today their criminal case is over! Next we have a return caller who shares the results of their attorney/judge conference hearing. The judge has said, “This is a 50/50 case” and basically said you can go to trail but this is going to be my decision. This leads to a discuss about now claiming defeat out of the hands of victory. We then have a discussion about sticking with the court order and times when you need to adjust. Next we have a caller who has a child who wants to spend time with the other parent because it’s “more fun” with them. DSD then has a discussion about how judges continue to ignore evidence and just sides with the mom. This leads to a discussion on appeals and how to fight this injustice. Duane then tackles a question where the couple is split up, still living in the same house, and now the ex is beginning to act as if they are in a relationship again. Finally we have a caller who is struggling to find ways to not send their child back to their father for a couple of days during the COVID shutdown.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
05:38 - Question - How easy is “make up” time?
10:49 - Comment - Yesterday great day - criminal law side is OVER
12:12 - Caller - Conference w/Judge - said 50/50 case
22:31 - Discussion - Don’t claim defeat out of the hands of victory
24:37 - Comment - Ex wants more time during holidays but may not trade
28:28 - Discussion - Sticking to the court order
36:36 - Caller - Why can’t I go to a fun with dad
45:47 - Discussion - Judge ignoring evidence and just sides with “mom”
49:39 - Question - Split but still living together, now ex things we’re a couple again
51:26 - Caller - Ex moved, not paying support, and wants child during covid
58:19 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * The M.E.A.N Workbook - https://gumroad.com/a/463385715/jkSo
Paul brings his decade of experience to the DSD show to talk about the words and behaviors manipulative people typical use at the end of a relationship. Duane and Paul discuss how people find themselves stuck in toxic relationships without really knowing for sure. They then discuss the ways you communicate with your partner. Paul then discusses how important it is to learn ways to cope in toxic environments and how that can drive our own personal behavioral patterns. Paul then discussions the 5 top things manipulators say and do throughout relationships. He also provides examples of questions and comments manipulative people will use that are designed to make your doubt yourself. Finally Paul closes with his message of hope and healing on how you can take your life ultimately back!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00:00 - Start of show
00:01:49 - Introduction of Paul Colaianni, The host of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love & Abuse Podcast
00:06:38 - Discussion - People stuck wondering are they toxic?
00:16:25 - Discussion - Communication is key with your partner
00:22:06 - Discussion - When you take on the toxic behaviors
00:26:45 - Discussion - Learning how to cope in toxic environments
00:33:55 - Discussion - Things not going the way we expect or want
00:37:59 - Question - They initiate the break and come back to break up again
00:45:19 - Discussion - What appropriate communication looks like
00:49:22 - Discussion - Victim blames themselves
00:54:39 - Discussion - Top 5 things manipulators say/do
00:59:21 - Discussion - Questions and comments designed to doubt yourself
01:01:57 - Discussion - Paul’s final thoughts and take away message
01:05:23 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowThe M.E.A.N Workbook - https://gumroad.com/a/463385715/jkSo
The Overwhelmed Brain Website - https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/
The Overwhelmed Brain Podcast - https://geo.itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/overwhelmed-brain-paul-colaianni/id743537890?mt=2&at=10lpco
Love and Abuse Website - https://loveandabuse.com/
Love and Abuse Podcast - https://loveandabuse.com/the-podcast/
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In this episode DSD talks bout how the battery in his truck just gave up the ghost. The unique perspective on this is just a few short months he and his daughter were camping in the mounts, off dirt roads, and this could have easily happened in a different time. Oftentimes it is difficult to see, in the moment, the perspective of how “good” things might be compared to a different situation. Although this can be difficult it is important to remember and keep in mind when you are going through difficult times like a toxic divorce. Duane also talks about how his divorce happened at the best possible time as well. This discussion leads to other topics like is it fair the ex is having their “best life”.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:36 - Discussion - Perspective and how you look at things
59:34 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In the early days of DSD’s experience he made many bad and destructive decisions that ultimately hurt his health, sanity, and financial security. He talks about his struggles of realizing his wife, at the time, did not truly care about him and questioning why should he if no one else does. Just that comment/thought right there is seriously destructive and you have to understand YOU are the only person you can count on to take care of yourself. After the monologue DSD answers a comment question of what should I do when I drop my young child off and they cry to not go. Duane then takes a caller who shares a story of how his ex freaked out when he made cookies with their son. Then a listener asks when a child can legally decide where they want to live. A listener asks how to deal with the constant viral and mental attacks from their ex. We then have a return caller who shares they just might get to spend the first Christmas with their children in a few years. Finally we have a caller who just finished mediation that went fairly well. They are working out the details and the caller had questions on how to deal with future 50/50 requests for the 6 month old child.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:26 - Discussion - Stop making destructive decisions
15:33 - Question - Son cries every time I drop him off
18:26 - Caller - Ex freaked out because I made cookies with son
29:51 - Discussion - A narcissist is looking for the reactions
31:41 - Question - Did DSD’s ex have trauma in childhood?
33:10 - Question - When can a child legally decide to not see the other parent?
37:36 - Question - How do you deal with mental/verbal attacks?
39:32 - Caller - Might get kids for 1st xmas in 3 years
45:38 - Discussion - The holidays are tough and often used to punish you
48:59 - Comment - Ex used “you need another adult” to have kids
50:26 - Caller - Mediation went well - not negotiating parenting time
57:15 - Discussion - My approach is how to fix YOUR life
58:24 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In this episode Kris returns to talk about the holidays and dealing with toxic narcissistic people. Duane and Kris first cover the difference between Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy and what they are used for. They then dive into the the issues surrounding narcissist and the holidays AND how they will sabotage these events. Duane then asks the question of how to deal with it when you’re married to the toxic person. Kris provides ideas and techniques on how to emotionally deal with the “first” year without the “family”. Kris then talks about how you must “honor your grief” and they deep dive into what that really means. Duane then discusses his personal childhood examples of how his experience effected him. Duane and Kris then discuss how to find a good therapist and techniques to use when that isn’t an option. This leads into a discussion of how family court is a significant part of the problem. They then discuss how Christmas and presents can turn into a HUGE problem with a toxic person. Finally Duane and Kris discuss dysfunction connections and the importance of boundaries.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:15 - Introduction Kris Godinez from We Need to Talk with Kris Godinez
03:31 - Discussion - What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
05:44 - Discussion - What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy
06:32 - Discussion - Holidays with Narcissistic Toxic People
13:26 - Discussion - When you’re married to the narcissist
24:25 - Discussion - The first holidays separated/divorced
26:16 - Discussion - Honor the grief and what that means
30:16 - Discussion - This effects the kids & DSD’s personal example
35:12 - Discussion - How do you know if a therapist is good
36:05 - Discussion - What to do when therapy is not an option
40:48 - Discussion - Problems with electronics and remote communication
45:20 - Discussion - Family Courts as a problem
49:01 - Discussion - Creating NEW memories and present problems
52:12 - Discussion - Dysfunctional connection and boundaries
58:11 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowWe Need To Talk With Kris Godinez - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHk_36kn2zDnVL-d23tE6bg
Kris Godinez Website - https://krisgodinez.com/
The Self Esteem Workbook, Gleen Schiraldi, PhD - https://amzn.to/38Jy8ev
The Disease to Please, Harriet Braiker, PhD - https://amzn.to/3nmYO8U
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
A trauma bond is very strong and as a result people often will pine over their ex and only think of better times. This is a struggle a lot of people have letting go of the fantasy of their past relationship with their toxic and narcissistic ex. It is important for people to realize and understand the truth of their situation. Duane also discusses how it is very important to heal the original wounds, or the inner child, to be able to really break free. We also have a return caller who shares they have filed a motion to enforce visitation and was able to see their daughter. Duane discusses how a toxic ex will use our fears and their knowledge to get past our “shields” to cause as much pain as they can. We then have a caller who shares they are struggling with PTSD and are expecting another false allegation before their upcoming court case. Finally Duane talks about some upcoming guest that will be on the show.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:19 - Discussion - Still attached to your ex
12:29 - Comment - Have dream that ex gets help
14:24 - Comment - Needing closure
21:07 - Discussion - People see what we do not
24:42 - Discussion - Sometimes bad things get you to a better place
27:03 - Caller - Filed motion and finally got to see daughter
34:31 - Discussion - Toxic people pray our your fears
38:16 - Comment - Struggling with shame/confusion of hate and hope
41:45 - Caller - PTSD when court is near
55:46 - Discussion - Upcoming guess discussion
59:38 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Alex Falconi from The Proper Person and Our Nevada Judges returns to the podcast to talk about the process of fighting a toxic ex in court and winning. Alex discusses his history and what he has been doing to include the new “Docket” series on his Proper Person YouTube channel and the success of the Our Nevada Judges website and YouTube channel. Duane and Alex then field calls from the audience and discuss things from an ex that using the nuclear, or silver bullet, option to a non custodial parent who evades child support but wants visitation.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00:00 - Start of show
00:01:28 - Introduction - Alex Falconi, The Proper Person / Our Nevada Judges
00:08:28 - Background on Alex’s case
00:23:08 - Abuse and neglect from the Family Court System
00:25:51 - Caller - Judicial Discretion and business models
00:32:40 - Caller - Ex keeps making false allegations with protective services how do I make her stop
00:43:35 - Caller - How did you emotionally deal with this
00:55:54 - Caller - Parent evades child support but wants visitation
01:03:08 - How to get sanity back in your life
01:09:21 - Caller - End of high conflict - ex wants to user her own medial insurance
01:17:00 - Discussion - They wait for you to make a mistake
01:20:54 - Discussion - You have to show WHY by law it is not fair
01:28:29 - Discussion - When do you walk away
01:33:27 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowThe Proper Person - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1fZ_IiAeIVmzSLh5MbJow
Our Nevada Judges - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJPb0hCUcufpuk7QhxVxwKA
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Duane starts the show by discussing the importance of trusting your gut and intuition when dealing with your relationships. Early in the relationship you do not know what you are dealing with and there can be a strong desire to focus on the good and ignore the “bad”. Invariably in the post-narcissistic relation “review” there will be signs that you ignored early on. It is very important we learn to trust ourselves and focus on reality instead of the fantasy. DSD then takes a question from a listener who’s ex has said in front of them and their 14 year old child “I wish you didn’t have to go back and forth.” Duane talks about ways to deal with that and what it all may mean. A listener comments how in their upcoming mediation they requested separate rooms but was advised against it. A viewer shares how in their mediation they were asked to share something “nice” about the ex and that seemed to make things better. Duane then discusses the “Fly-Fix-Fly” methodology of problem solving and how it is important to try things and adjust to find what works best for you. We then take a caller who is worried that their 15 year old son is becoming distant. This conversation leads to a discussion on how you can sometimes take a negative and turn it into a positive, like with the DSD show. Finally we take a question from a listener who’s ex is posting false statements and narratives on Our Family Wizard.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:45 - Discussion - Trusting your gut and believing what is real
15:29 - Question - Ex says to kid “I wish you didn’t have to go back and forth”
18:04 - Caller - Looking for solution base scenarios and guest that could help
21:19 - Comment - Saw many signs that got more blatant
22:14 - Comment - Mediation soon, requested separate rooms mediator advised against it
26:05 - Comment - In mediation I had to say something “nice” about ex
33:54 - Discussion - Fly Fix Fly - find what works for you
42:01 - Caller - 15 year old son is becoming distant
55:12 - Discussion - Turning this negative into a positive
56:19 - Discussion - Adjusting your parenting style
57:29 - Question - Ex posting false statements on Our Family Wizard
58:24 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Duane starts the show taking a comment about how you know you’r doing better when you start to see the humor and can laugh at the situation. DSD shares a story of a friend who said something similar in the early days of his divorce. He did not think he would EVER find any humor or peace in his situation but after years of working on improving he shares he is it the best place emotionally he has ever been. We then have a caller who shares their frustration on their recently signed court agreement. This order, signed 2 weeks ago, limits his time to 1 overtime every two weeks with his 2 year old son. It further orders that he reports any new relationship or change in friend group. The caller is looking for options to fix, change, or modify the current order. This leads to a discussion of the importance of READING and UNDERSTANDING what you re agreeing too. Duane also discusses that even if we take a loss that doesn’t mean there isn’t a pathway to a better outcome later. It just make take more work and reduce our odds. Finally Duane discusses his thoughts on the rebuttal presumption of 50/50 and how that could, and probably will, be used against people in the future where it is enacted.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:17 - Comment - You’re know you’re doing better when you can see the humor
06:10 - Discussion - Every right to feel the way you do
11:52 - Comment - Using a body cam to record interactions
13:37 - Comment - Kids being used against you
20:23 - Caller - Bad agreement signed in court
46:19 - Discussion - The important of knowing what is in your agreement
51:28 - Discussion - There is always a pathway out, just might be harder
57:15 - Discussion - Rebuttal presumption of 50/50 issues
59:30 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In this episode Duane starts out with an experience the day before where he had to come up with solutions for a problem trying to get his daughter a new bank account. A listener then asks a question about red flag scenarios with the ex-wife and how it effects a new relationship. A follow-on question from another listener asks about red flags with a new relationship. Duane then takes a caller who shares how DSD and The Proper Person helped him with his case and overall success. This leads DSD to discuss how difficult it is to find hope when starting this. A listener then comments about how they would make pros vs cons list and have to “edit” cons to convince themselves it “wasn’t that bad”. Duane then has a caller who shares their approach in trying to negotiate with their ex. DSD does caution people to be careful giving in too much with a toxic ex. We then tackle the question of getting over the trauma and fear of people. The show finishes on a discussion of a new relationship having to stay neutral with the kids and how difficult that can be.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:07 - Discussion - Looking for solution in a positive way
07:59 - Question - Red flag ex scenarios with new relationships
13:36 - Question - New relationship showing red flags
17:20 - Caller - Grateful for a successful outcome in court
21:04 - Discussion - It is hard to believe in hope
23:28 - Comment - Making a pros vs cons list
25:16 - Caller - Ways to negotiate with a toxic ex
36:12 - Discussion - Be careful giving in to much with a toxic ex
43:33 - Question - Getting over the trauma and fear of people
45:53 - Comment - Ex girlfriend pushed to meet kids
53:28 - Comment - Having to stay neutral
59:28 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In today’s episode Duane invites Debby, his long term girlfriend of over 6 years, to come on the show to talk about her experience dealing with a toxic ex spouse. Part of the reality is most people do not understand how complex and nasty these situations can be. Debby talks about how she thought, hoped, she would be a peace maker and help calm things down. She quickly realized that was not going to be the case. This quickly resulted in the ex working to sabotage any special event that we did as a “family”. A listener asks Debby about her past history and they talk about her children, past relationships and how her experience, although difficult, was nothing like what DSD is going through. They then discuss the first few times Debby met “pumpkin” and how that interaction went. This flows into a discussion about the first time, early in DSD and Debby’s relationship, where she realized he had been deeply emotionally traumatized by the ex. They then discuss examples of triangulation and how that has manifested over the course of the relationship. A listener asks if DSD’s ex ever trying to emulate or “mimic” Debby. Finally they discuss how stressful this all really was and how easily it could have destroyed their relationship.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:38 - Discussion - Viewer asked how their new partner can help them
03:53 - Discussion - Debby, DSD’s girlfriend and main mod joins the show
04:49 - Discussion - DSD’s perspective when they started dating
08:17 - Discussion - Debby didn’t really understand how bad it really was
11:57 - Discussion - Do not assume the new relationship with be a pathway for civility
15:21 - Discussion - Sabotaging events
16:20 - Question - Debby’s history, kids, past relationships, have she met DSD’s ex
22:46 - Discussion - When Debby met the ex on her own
30:41 - Discussion - Recognizing that DSD had been emotionally traumatized
32:52 - Question - How does all of this make Debby feel
38:04 - Question - How has the triangulation come about
42:57 - Discussion - Events as “covert ops”
53:18 - Question - Did the ex ever try to mimic Debby
56:21 - Discussion - All of this could have easily destroyed our relationship
58:20 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Duane starts the show discussing how you have to focus on building up your foundation on self validation. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks accept yourself. A caller shares how they have maintained their boundaries with the ex and had to keep their guard up around them. A listener comments about how they are living in the same house as their ex. This leads to a comparison of the movie War of the Roses. A listener asks the question is the narc aware of what they are doing. We then take a caller who shares how they decided to take proactive action to take charge of their life. Then a caller shares how you have to do what you need to do for you and maintain a sane, level headed response to your ex’s provocations. Finally we have a caller who shares how their ex is putting their young son in the middle and create drama.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:56 - Discussion - Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks
09:46 - Comment - Dealing with the anxiety of upcoming hearing
14:46 - Caller - Maintaining boundaries with the ex
20:46 - Discussion - Realizing it doesn’t matter what the ex says
24:09 - Comment - Living in the same house as the ex
29:04 - Discussion - War of the Roses | This has been around forever
33:23 - Comment - Is a narc aware of what they are doing
34:58 - Caller - Decided to be proactive and take charge of my life
42:42 - Discussion - They will poke you in the eye on anything and everything
46:17 - Caller - Do what you need to do for you - be normal, sane, level headed
51:38 - Caller - Ex putting son in the middle
58:21 - Discussion - We all make mistakes - sometimes you have to fight back
59:41 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Duane starts the show by discussing examples of how a toxic high conflict ex will use any and ever opportunity to create conflict and try to undermine your relationship with your children. A listener comments how a psychiatrist friend recommended that he think of his ex as dead and doesn’t exist anymore. Duane discusses the reality of how the person was NEVER real and the relationship was manipulation and fake. This leads to a discussion about how a narcissistic ex thrives in conflict and absolutely can not bare to see you happy. Duane discusses why he believes his ex does not know about the channel. We then take a caller who discusses how we have to become this awesome solo parent and work around the other parent. A listen brings up how reactive abuse was used against them. We then take a caller who is just tired of begging the ex to see their daughter and struggling to finish court paperwork to enforce visitation. Duane discusses how the toxic ex thrives with the power of “no”. We then have a caller who shares a unique way they saved text messages from their ex. Finally we take a caller who is looking for advice on an upcoming mediation and how to deal with co-parenting vs parallel parenting.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:27 - Discussion - Getting provoked by the narcissistic ex
16:13 - Comment - Does DSD seem tired and stress in his eyes?
17:05 - Comment - Psychiatrist friend said, ex doesn’t exist anymore
18:12 - Comment - Ex thrives in conflict and can’t see you happy
20:14 - Discussion - Why I do not think the ex knows about the channel
23:01 - Caller - We have to become this awesome solo parent
27:15 - Discussion - They all play the same games
29:34 - Comment - Reactive abuse evidence from years ago
31:28 - Caller - Tried of begging ex to let me see my child
42:56 - Discussion - The power of the narcissistic “NO”
45:55 - Discussion - Discord and Membership access
46:36 - Caller - Unique approach to saving text messages
50:52 - Comment - Thinking outside the box
52:00 - Discussion - Don’t let them have direct line access to you
53:15 - Caller - Looking for advice on mediation and parallel parenting
58:28 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowThe Proper Person - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1fZ_IiAeIVmzSLh5MbJow
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Duane starts the show with a listener question asking how can I be the best dad possible with only 9 hours of time every couple of weeks. He discusses how it is important to maximize the time you have, no matter how limited it might be, with your kids. Fostering the relationship and building on it can really help prevent parental alienation. Duane then is asked about being worried about our children having narcissistic traits and how he deals with it. A listener then shares a story where his ex went on vacation with the new boyfriend and left their 15 year old home instead of letting him have time. Duane talks about the realities of these situations and how there isn’t much we can do, unless you have right of first refusal. A caller shares their story of how their attorney has taken control of their disability settlement and how the ex is manipulating the situation to take as much as they can. This leads to a discuss on how it generally seems a narcissist is able to win people over to their side and make significant gains in the early part of the divorce. We then discuss “coercive control” and the pitfalls it may have going forward if they criminalize it. We then have a caller who shares their victory over their narcissistic controlling ex wife and how, even in California, they were able to prevail! Finally we finish with a caller who on their first day in court is slammed by the judge and their evidence wasn’t even looked at. This goes into a discussion of how important it is to understand when our position is NOT resinating with the court.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:47 - Question - How can I be the best dad with only 9 hours
07:26 - Question - Worried about narc traits in our kids
10:35 - Comment - Ex went went on vacation, leaves kid at home
12:13 - Caller - Being abused by courts, attorneys AND ex
32:32 - Discussion - The narcissist always seems to “win” people to their side
35:20 - Discussion - Check out The Proper Person - Alex Falconi
36:47 - Comment - Coercive control
39:53 - Caller - Sharing a victory against toxic narcissistic ex
49:40 - Caller - Starting off “bad” in first hearing
59:51 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During Showhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1fZ_IiAeIVmzSLh5MbJow
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Understanding narcissistic toxic behavioral patterns can give you a distinct advantage against your ex. When you realize what you are dealing with you can predict what they will do and anticipate their “moves”. Duane shares a conversation where his ex said, “you don’t even know me” and how that was the catalyst to seeing behind the narcissistic vail. We then have a return caller who shares how their trail went after having a horrible GAL report and testimony. Duane then talks about how we can allow ourselves to fall into the pit of despair and start to give up. It is important to realize it isn’t over until a decision is made, so DO NOT GIVE UP. We discuss a comment from the caller about the DSD community and Duane talks about the DSD Discord server as another way for people to connect. We then have another caller who shares how when you understand “cluster-b” personality disorders you’ll understand how they can destroy their own stories and arguments in court. This then moves the conversation to how a toxic narcissistic ex will NEVER miss an opportunity to drive a wedge between you and your children. A listener then comments how their ex said to them the kids will be able to chose where they are going to live. Duane talks about his fear when that was going on in his story. Finally we end the discussion about how they will use anything they can, such as doctors, to try and control your time with the kids.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:20 - Discussion - Use their patterns to your advantage
15:04 - Comment - You don’t even know me - what is really meant
16:25 - Comment - Staying in “strategic mode” isn’t healthy
18:40 - Caller - Calling to report how trial went
31:58 - Discussion - Do not fall into the pit of despair | not over until its over
36:12 - Discussion - The DSD Community and DSD Discord
39:34 - Caller - The trap a cluster-b will destroy their own argument
41:56 - Discussion - How attorney’s “believe” what their client says
47:58 - Comment - They never miss an opportunity to drive a wedge
51:50 - Comment - Kids going to be able to choose where to live
55:53 - Comment - Using anything they can to control
59:12 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In today’s show Dr. Baker discusses can you really co-parent with a toxic ex. Answers the immediate question of what we can do right now to help our children. Duane then asks why does a child typically side with an alienating parent. Dr. Baker then discusses the question of does an alienating parent really love their child. Duane then asks is there a way to get other people to truly see what is going on. Duane then asks the about reunification therapy and is it really helpful. Dr. Baker then discusses when and how it is appropriate to talk to your children about what is going. Duane then asks is there a way to undo mistakes you’ve made? Finally Duane and Dr. Baker discusses how this ultimately makes us better patterns.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
01:22 - Introduction of Dr. Amy JL Baker, PhD
03:48 - Can you really co-parent with a toxic ex?
06:21 - Immediate things you can do to help yourself and children
14:44 - Why does a child side with an alienating parent?
18:26 - Does an alienating parent truly love their child?
24:11 - How do you get others to see what is really going on?
28:03 - Reunification Therapy, does it work?
34:30 - When is the appropriate time to tell your child what is going on?
46:15 - Can you undo mistakes that you make?
51:50 - This ultimately makes you a better A+ parents
53:16 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowAmy J.L. Baker, PH.D - https://www.amyjlbaker.com/
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
There is no denying divorcing a narcissistic, toxic, high conflict ex is extremely difficult and traumatic. But, oftentimes this pain is leading us to a better situation overall. While going through this it can feel like you’ll NEVER find a “silver lining” from these situations but Duane shares his own struggles with this and how he made it to the other side. We also discuss when is the right time to change attorneys. Duane than takes a question about the problems of forgetting to attach your child support guideline paperwork to your marriage separation agreement. A caller shares how they appreciate the “solutions based” nature of the show. The discussion then focuses on how an ex changes their tactics, especially if they feel they are losing control over you. A return caller shares the struggles of professional therapist NOT understanding the true nature of a narcissistic ex. Finally a caller shares why their ex previously, and randomly, pushed for visitation and it all was to try and lower child support.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:55 - Comment - I’m changing attorneys!
07:53 - Discussion - Regretting FOLLOWING an attorney’s advice
13:26 - Discussion - Whoever files first is better off
17:40 - Comment - Pre-planned “Pearl Harbor Attack”
20:12 - Discussion - Sometimes bad is getting us to good
28:27 - Comment - Marriage Separation Agreement without Child support guideline
34:47 - Comment - Reacting abusively to your narc?
36:48 - Caller - (TekMore) - Show is turning into “solutions based” resource
38:39 - Discussion - We need help NOW in the trenches
39:58 - Comment - They change their tactics
48:18 - Comment - The battle happens on all fronts!
50:09 - Caller - Professionals DO NOT understand what we are dealing with
54:26 - Caller - Realized ex’s threats were for a different reason
59:17 - End of show wrap-up
🔗Links Mentioned During ShowErasing Family Documentary - https://tubitv.com/movies/528013/erasing-family
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
This episode starts with a difficult ruling in court where an listeners wages were imputed even though they’ve been laid off because of COVID shutdowns. Duane then discusses the recurring problem where people beat themselves up for not see who the ex truly was. We then discuss and example of how healthy boundaries and emotional maturity really help weed out bad relationships. A listener is confused how an ex-MIL has zero interest in the grandchildren. A caller shares they just received a horrible GAL report that recommends LESS time. Duane then discusses how we have to work to NOT let this situation break us, reminds people you are in the long game and have to focus on that. We then have a caller who successful built a 6 month pattern showcasing his behavior compared to the ex and the judge FINALLY sees it! This leads into a discuss of the importance of making sure OUR responses DO NOT hurt us! A listener asks about how Duane’s house was distributed from the divorce and what happened. Duane wraps it up with a rant on how it is important to find light and humor out of these difficult situations.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
05:21 - Comment - Wages were imputed even though laid off because of COVID
10:22 - Discussion - Stop beating yourself up for not seeing who they were
15:59 - Discussion - Healthy boundaries and emotional maturity
18:30 - Comment - We don’t choose to make them an enemy
20:53 - Comment - Narc Ex MIL has zero interest in kids
22:24 - Caller - Received GAL report and it’s NOT good
31:24 - Discussion - Don’t take everything break you - focus on the long game
33:46 - Comment - Difference between a GAL and forensics
35:15 - Caller - Successfully showing a narcs pattern of behavior
48:19 - Discussion - Make sure our responses do not hurt our cases!
49:46 - Comment - How was the home/house distributed and what happened?
54:57 - Discussion - Finding the light and humor out of a difficult situation
59:18 - End of show wrap-up
Links Mentioned During ShowThe Proper Person - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1fZ_IiAeIVmzSLh5MbJow
Melissa Isaak Interview - https://youtu.be/gHpQ4XH_Dzc
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Duane recognizes the wonderfully supportive DSD community and how much he appreciates the viewers and listeners of the show. He then takes a question about a mother being informed her ex has the “right” to not see the kids on his designated time. Duane brings up how he dealt with that in his own situation during Christmas breaks. A viewer asks about Duane’s thoughts on children being resilient and what that really means. We then discuss the frustration when a toxic ex “acts” like “super parent” when around other people and how to expose them. Duane then discusses how to deal when the other parent threatens to “tell all” when the kids are 18, to the kids! DSD then tackles the question of how often should you reach out to your alienated adult child. A listener shares their experience of reconnecting with their father at 21 years old. We finish on the topic of being afraid the kids will be “turned” before they become 18.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:01 - A wonderful community of supportive people
07:15 - Comment - What to tell the children when separating
12:50 - Comment - Ex has the “right” to not see the kids
21:37 - Comment - Are kids REALLY resilient?
26:12 - Comment - Do we need to respond to the narc’s emails?
32:07 - Comment - Ex acts like “Super Mom” how do I make the counselor see it
37:49 - Comment - Ex is threatening to “tell on” when kids are 18
45:13 - Comment - Check out BIFF method & Hybrid No Contact
46:44 - Comment - How often should you reach out to an alienated child
51:59 - Comment - Reconnecting with my father at 21 years old
55:00 - Comment - I’m afraid ex will turn kids before they turn 18
59:29 - End of show wrap-up
Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
This show starts with a discussion of an ex not spending any times with the kids. Oftentimes a narcissistic toxic “parent” will move on with their lives and ignore their children. This can create abandonment issues what follow children into adulthood. We then discuss a comment where a listener is having recurring nightmares about their children NEVER waking up to the reality of their alienation. Duane then has a caller who is a mom and is fighting false allegations and trying to increase her time with her children. Duane then discusses the feelings of being unsure, alone, vulnerable, and scared of the uncertainty in family court. We then discuss a comment from a listener who shares their struggles to recover from an restraining order. Finally we end the show with a follow-up from a listener who ended up spending 48 hours in jail for arrears as a result of the COVID lockdown.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:23 - Comment - Ex is NOT seeing kids
12:54 - Comment - Kids need both parents
16:23 - Discussion - Working to schedule Dr. Amy Baker, PhD on the show
18:20 - Comment - The abandonment hurts on multiple levels
21:20 - Comment - Recurring nightmare kids will be alienated forever
25:32 - Caller - Mom who is fighting the smears to get more time with kids
45:27 - Discussion - Feeling unsure, alone, vulnerable, and scared in court
50:18 - Comment - Recovering from a restraining order
54:08 - Comment - Arrested for arrears because COVID lock down
59:19 - End of show wrap-up
Links Mentioned During ShowShow SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In today’s show Duane is joined by Melissa Isaak from the Isaak Law firm. Melissa is a Divorce attorney for me working to protect the rights of fathers in family court. She shares her personal experience that ultimately led her to be pursue this career. Melissa is an Army veteran, trained child psychologist, and now a practicing attorney. In this episode we discuss how to prepare for a potential divorce. The trend of parties now suing for defamation of character for inappropriate use of medical terms. The changes in family court and how narcissism and psychological abuse is recognized. They then tackle the question of “the silver bullet” and Melissa discusses way to defend yourself against it. She also discusses how important it is to fight and not just plead our your case when accused. Melissa also discusses the danger of toxic manipulative women and how “proximity” is power for them. We then discuss the effects of Title IV-D on family court and men. Duane and Melissa go into a detailed discussion of guardian ad litem and when and if they should ever be used in your case.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:30 - Introduction of Melissa Isaak from Isaak Law Firm
06:31 - How to prepare in the early part of a potential divorce
10:29 - Suing for defamation for “medical terms”
12:45 - Change is on the horizon
14:58 - Narc and psychological abuse recognized in family court?
21:31 - How does a stressed out client get their voice heard?
27:11 - Best way to defend yourself from the “Silver Bullet”
33:03 - Pleading a cause, you need to flight!
36:30 - Proximity is power for women
40:02 - Title IV-D’s effect on family court
43:19 - Shared Parenting
45:56 - When is a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) good to use?
53:27 - We’re not signing over an ass kicking to anybody!
57:24 - Wiretapping Laws - what to be careful of
59:38 - End of show wrap-up
Links Mentioned During Show ❋ Isaak Law Firm - http://protectingmen.com/
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Duane remembers the struggles he had for the first few years of his divorce. It can be so overwhelming to see a future post narcissistic abuse and financial trauma. You have to work hard to break the negative cycles and find peace and joy where you can. If you don’t you can trap yourself longer in the pain and misery. Duane then takes a return caller who shares a success story of how he is dealing with parental alienation right now. This leads into a discuss of how this is physiological warfare and we are stuck, as are our children, in the middle of it. We then have another caller who shares how when their child asks a weird question it really is asking “are you safe to love.” Duane then answers a listener’s comment about how their ex is dragging things out in court wasting time and money. We then discuss a listener situation where their ex turned on an old phone and is masquerading as them. This leads to a discussion of device security to protect your information. Finally we talk about how children get dragged into the middle of this and are manipulated against the opposing parent.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
07:42 - Figuring out how to still live your life
16:23 - Caller - Trying new techniques with children being alienated
28:39 - Discussion - They instinctively know how to double bind
32:30 - Caller - Why kids ask weird question? Are you ok and can I love you?
43:07 - Discussion - It’s psychological warfare
45:51 - Comment - Ex drags things out in court wasting money
50:12 - Comment - Working out and running - getting strong!
51:11 - Comment - Ex took old phone and turned it on to text my friends
55:15 - Comment - Kids say they get dragged into stuff when with dad
59:40 - End of show wrap-up
Links Mentioned During ShowCo-parenting with a Toxic Ex (Amy Baker) - https://amzn.to/34fa5Sc
Getting Through My Parents’ Divorce (Amy Baker) - https://amzn.to/2IORJ24
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Duane starts the show taking a question from a listening wanting to know how to stop running the same scenarios through a loop in their head. It is important to remind yourself that it takes time to heal from narcissistic abuse and trauma. A caller shares how they are feeling better about fighting to see their child in court. This brings the topic back to how these people can push our buttons and trigger our fear. Duane shares a few recent examples of how the ex tries to continue “boop” him in the eye. A listener shares how the UK court didn’t care about alienation and games that were “played” during the early days of the COVID-19 lockdown. We then go into a discussion of Guardian Ad Litem and if we should “trust” them. A handful of listener share their bad past experience with a GAL. Finally we end on a discussion of what would be good topics to ask, Melissa Isaak from the Melissa Isaak Law Firm, who will be our guest for Wednesday.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
06:59 - Question - How do you stop running the scenarios through a loop
14:04 - Results are not quick, give yourself time
19:58 - Reminding yourself WHO they really are
22:40 - Caller - Dealing with the fear and fighting for my child
26:57 - Discussion - The fear these people are able to wield
33:39 - Question - How do deal with the waves of trauma and thinking of the “bad”
41:02 - Discussion - The things Duane’s ex continues to BOOP him in the eye
42:22 - Comment - UK courts did not count COVID alienation
44:35 - Question - Experience with Guardian Ad Litem - can you “trust them”
49:58 - Comment - Oversharing can be our Achilles heel
53:03 - Discussion - What to ask Melissa Isaak for Wednesday’s show
59:13 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis] * Narcissist Test - [[https://youtu.be/V40J6McST5g]]
In today’s episode Kris Godinez, licensed profession counselor and host of We Need to Talk with Kris Godinez, returns to discuss the topic of triggers. Triggers are very complicated and often misunderstood. They are a huge indicator of past trauma and help us realize there is more work to be done. They also cover the serious issue of not remembering your childhood and how that is an indicator of past repressed trauma. Duane then asks what can people do to help with the triggers and PTSD associated from going through the family court machine. Duane discusses the way he was able to deal with his PTSD and stop the emotional flashbacks. Kris discusses the importance of working through the trauma. Bottom line you can work through this but you can’t move forward until you are truly ready for a change.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
- Kris Godinez YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHk_36kn2zDnVL-d23tE6bg
- Kris Godinez Website - https://krisgodinez.com/
- Previous Podcast with Kris - https://youtu.be/xNDw7629C24
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:38 - Introduction of Kris Godinez
03:31 - Discussion topic - Triggers
07:52 - What is trauma and CPTSD
10:13 - Not remembering your childhood
13:16 - Deciding you want help and don’t want to live the same life
17:23 - Triggered when a woman cried
21:30 - Narcs bank on our CPTSD responses
25:14 - Mirror work and how it helps
28:42 - How do you recover from the trauma from family court
36:12 - People need to question WHY a child suddenly “hates” a parent
39:04 - Family court seems to only see the worst of people
40:00 - Recovery from court PTSD
43:31 - Techniques Duane used to recover
47:16 - The benefits of a legal separation
49:18 - Do yourself a favor - work through the trauma
53:42 - No more F’s to give
58:51 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * Narcissist Test - [https://youtu.be/V40J6McST5g]
In today’s show Duane discusses the emotional difficulties of preparing for court. We start with comments from listeners who are struggling on whether to settle or go to trail. We then discuss the complexities of being an adult child that was involved in alienation when younger and now dealing with it on the other side. Duane then has a caller who is in the beginning stages and struggling to understand the lies and deception their ex is throughout out there. DSD offers a way forward to minimize the impacts and strengthen the bond with the callers 11 year old son. Duane reminds people to be very selective on who you allow into your support system. Finally we take a caller who is preparing for a multi-day trail coming up and their thoughts that have helped thus far. Finally we wrap up the show discussion stress and managing exceptions of outcomes.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:38 - Comment - Thank you for commitment to help
07:09 - But mine is the worst of the worst
08:29 - Comment - Depressed, want to settle but attorney won’t help
11:53 - Comment - Trial coming up, suggestions to prepare
14:15 - Comment - Adult child experiencing alienation and advice going forward
16:50 - Caller - Ex is throwing everything at me - how do I not break?
28:42 - How to find the DSD Discord
29:34 - Discussion - Be careful who you use as your support
31:11 - Comment - Ex abused kids through the GAL
34:48 - Caller - Managing stress and expectations before trial
56:18 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis] * Narcissist Test - [[https://youtu.be/V40J6McST5g]]
In this show we start with a victor for a long time listener who just won sole custody in their high conflict custody case. This father nearly gave up but was able to persevere AND win! Duane then takes a question about dental billing and the nuances of a court order. A listener asks for advice on if a “stay-a-way” order is appropriate. We then have a 21 year old caller who is fresh out of an abusive relationship and dealing with flying monkeys, hoovers, and the lack of understand and support from family and friends. Finally Duane finishes the show with a return call asking for input on if the settlement that was offered is worth taking.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
08:42 - Listener won sole custody in their case
12:01 - Ex is playing games with dentist, insurance, and supplemental
19:49 - When do you recommend stay-a-way orders
24:46 - Caller -Struggling to find support with flying monkeys
40:05 - The trend of younger viewers/callers
43:53 - 22 years old with a narc parent
45:31 - Caller - Is the settlement any good? When to settle?
59:07 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * Narcissist Test - [https://youtu.be/V40J6McST5g]
The show begins with a caller who is struggling to decide how to proceed in court. We often deal with ex’s that are putting our children’s health and emotional wellbeing at risk. The issue is it is VERY difficult to prove. The caller is seeking advice on how to proceed with her current request for modification. This rolls into the recurring discussion of really thinking about the battles and how to win the overarching war. It is so easy to take the narcissist’s bait and ultimately hurt our own chances at victory. This dovetails with the next caller who shares his winning strategy that he is using to turn the tide in his own court case. Duane finishes the show discussing the importance of crafting our message to effectively communicate what the true issues are with our case.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:43 - Caller - I don’t know what to do, should I drop my case?
32:58 - You have to really think about your battles
45:52 - Caller - building a winning strategy for victory in court
56:44 - Recurring theme - we have to tailor our message to prove our issues
59:31 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Duane starts the show off discussing how damaged people damage others. This comes from a conversation with a friend who is struggling with their marriage falling part. He discusses how people who have deep trauma are unable to accept positive relationships. These people will often sabotage their relationships to have a self fulfilling prophecy. Duane then takes a caller who shares how their ex is using their own trauma and disfunction to hurt the kids and damage everyone involved. We then take a 21 yo caller who was able to recognize a toxic relationship and take his life back BEFORE too much damage was done. Duane shares his personal experience and why it took him 20 years to finally say enough is enough. Finally we take a caller who shares a success with her 10yo son and provides some outstanding insights on proving parental alienation!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:06 - Damaged people damage people - how toxic people sabotage their relationships
13:37 - Better than therapy
15:21 - Is this done consciously or unconsciously
17:44 - Caller - How the ex is damaging his children
28:17 - Alienation is so destructive
29:22 - Caller - You 21 man figured it out and broke free
41:31 - Success stories - saving people before they lose everything
45:01 - Caller - Sharing a success with her 10yo son | how to prove parental alienation
57:32 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In today’s show Duane starts but sharing his struggles with changing his own personal behavioral patterns. He has noticed even with this new show it is talking time to realize he doesn’t have to follow his previous patterns. He then takes a caller who is suffering from parental alienation and is feeling guilty for wanting to see their child. We then discuss the times when you have to take a break from the stress and go no contact with the ex AND our children. Duane then takes a caller discussing reunification therapy for when alienation is severe. Finally Duane has a caller who is struggling trying to negotiate with their ex on time not covered in the court order.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
05:46 - How we get stuck in patterns
14:06 - Caller - Am I selfish to want to see my child?
24:47 - Comment - Dealing with more false allegations
27:19 - Comment - Went no contact with ex and kids because it got so bad
30:43 - Caller - Reunification therapy for when the alienation is severe
49:22 - Caller - Can we “negotiate” with a toxic parent on time?
59:47 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Marco Brown is a Divorce Attorney based out of Salt Lake City Utah. Duane found Marco through his TikTok channel where he shares advice and tactics on all things divorce. He has produced outstanding content on high conflict, toxic, and narcissistic divorces and during this show he is going to share that knowledge with you. Marco is one of the few attorneys I've found that "gets it". In this episode they discuss how to find a really good attorney, the pitfalls of self-representation, do you need a “pit bull” attorney, does mental health diagnosis help, will you lose if you have depression, restraining orders, parental alienation and much more!
❋ Marco Brown - https://www.utdivorceattorney.com/
❋ Marco Brown TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@divorceattorney/video/6859781073337978117?source=h5_m
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
01:50 - Introduction of Attorney Marco Brown
04:49 - How do you find a really good attorney
09:46 - The emotional pitfalls of self-representation
14:06 - Do you need a “pit bull” attorney?
16:22 - How do deal when you’ve been kicked out of the house
18:12 - My ex is diagnosed will it help?
23:18 - Will I lose the kids if I have depression?
26:12 - My friends say I’m going to lose
27:56 - How should I interview my attorney?
31:44 - False allegations
33:42 - Presenting the right information in the right way
35:27 - Restraining/Protective Orders
39:40 - When our day in court doesn’t go as expected
43:36 - How do I show I’m not the problem
46:48 - Parental Alienation, do the courts believe it?
51:38 - You need themes amount of time with your children
55:06 - What do I do if I’m out of money to fight?
57:22 - Parting thoughts with Marco
59:31 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
The “connection” to a toxic narcissistic ex is their strength against you. That connection can cause you to spend a lot of time trying to “figure” them out. It is a trap and you have to be careful of getting pulled into that mindset. The reality is they do not think the same way, process things the say way, or even FEEL the same was as you go. This rolls into a discussion where a viewer has an ex that has been going to therapy and may be getting better. A listener then comments their boyfriend of four years is still thinking and talking about their ex. A caller shares a strategy of potentially requesting anger management classes for their ex. Duane then uses a story of being accused of “throwing rocks” when you are getting hit by them. Finally we take return caller who is questioning if his boundaries are appropriate.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
07:20 - Monologue - The trap of trying to figure the ex out
14:39 - Comment - Ex has been going to therapy for 4 years - is she getting better?
17:33 - Caller - How do get the ex to get anger management classes?
33:31 - Addressing Comments
34:21 - Comment - BF stuck ruminating about his ex
35:47 - Comment - I’ve come to terms and move past this
37:11 - Comment - Your mind is perm virus checker mode
39:53 - Comment - Vile ex, I have tons of audio evidence
41:50 - Sir you need to stop throwing rocks!
44:36 - Comment - We have to use their NPD characteristics in court
46:40 - Comment - 18 videos of abuse ignored by judge
49:23 - Caller - Do I need to change my boundaries if they are being “nice”
58:11 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
In this episode Leslee Powers from Spiritually Empowered Coaching comes back to discuss examples of Amber Heard using blame shifting to propitiate her stories. Leslee gives us an update on the recent court ruling. We then discuss the importance of the $7M donation that no one can find documentation on. Duane then talks about the different types of blame shifting. They then tackle the question if Amber really knows she did anything wrong and what happens when you back a toxic person into a corner. Leslee talks about how people ask her, “how do you know who to believe?” Duane and Leslee then discuss how these people WANT something from their targets. Finally they wrap up with talking about the importance of watching and believing the patterns of behaviors.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:03 - What is blame shifting
03:09 - Update with the recent court ruling
04:49 - Where did the $7m “donation” go?
11:18 - Arguing about the argument
15:54 - Curating the “story”
18:10 - You actually said that to Mr. Depp?
19:47 - Audience poll - experience or interest
20:47 - Does Amber really know she did something wrong?
23:29 - Backing a toxic person in a corner
26:06 - The trained DV officers are lying
32:02 - But he gets intoxicated and blacks out
35:33 - Projecting confidence
39:07 - How do you know who to believe?
42:50 - How often will the abused “go after” the abuser?
45:18 - When there are no kids do abusers leave you alone?
48:10 - Amber wanted something from Johnny
50:24 - When the stories just don’t add up
52:29 - Minimizing the feelings
55:35 - The patterns of behavior
59:19 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * Leslee Powers - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsEaTDlh3kfgl17DnaRFW2g
Narcissistic, toxic, high conflict people have a unique skill to push your buttons and trigger you. They take their knowledge of “how you work” to manipulation your emotions and cause you to make mistakes. Those mistakes can then be used against you in court. Duane talks bout techniques how to cope when a narcissist is trying to provoke you. A listener comments about how exhausting it is to always have to maintain perfection. All the stress and anxiety can lead to fatigue. It is very important to recognize the signs and give yourself the space to recover. We then discuss a situation where a neurological disability is used against someone in court. Finally Duane finishes with a listener comment about being there for your kids and how they want to love you!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:20 - Upcoming show with Leslee Powers on Tuesday and Marco Brown on Thursday
06:51 - Question - How to handle with narcissist triggers you
12:34 - Comment - Everything my ex says DOES upset me
14:24 - Weekend update - it wasn’t great
17:19 - Using an alias to protect your identity on line
18:36 - Maintaining “perfection” is exhausting
21:06 - When you are fatigued - be cautious
24:56 - Distraction techniques used by narcissist
27:28 - When a disability is used against you
34:14 - Struggling with anxiety - get it get worse with the narcissist?
38:12 - Followup - ex proved disability was a problem - lost custody
40:45 - The different stages of “custody”
45:57 - Steps to “undo” the damage when you lose in court
50:12 - How to get “free” attorney consultations
52:29 - Being there for your kids - even when it’s hard
57:28 - Your kids want to love you!
59:41 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Duane starts’s this show discussing how finding little victories in small accomplishments can help improve your mental state of mind. We then discuss the parameters of who DSD wants as a guest on the podcast. He then discusses how narcissistic people will use fear and intimidation in an attempt to control you. This is often through the threats of a protective order for harassment and/or stalking. Duane then takes a caller who shares what they have learned about the mind of a toxic narcissistic ex spouse. We discuss the importance of being strategic in our communications and not failing for a narcissistic trap. A caller shares their thoughts of how to approach the situation when you are out funded. Finally Duane goes on a rant about the frustrations of dealing with these people and how they truly are not as smart as we think.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:20 - Announcement of upcoming shows/guests
07:28 - Finding unrelated small victories - and enjoying them
11:37 - Duane’s thoughts on having guests on the Podcast
14:57 - How toxic people use fear of harassment to control and intimidate
20:19 - Comment - Dealing with the pain so you can focus on children
24:00 - Caller - Learning a lot about his toxic narcissistic ex
43:27 - The attorney’s “baby setter”
45:19 - Be strategic in your communication, anticipate retaliation
46:57 - Comment - Ex has money I don’t
48:47 - Caller - When you’re “out funded”
51:18 - They are not really as smart as we might think
58:58 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Context is critically important when trying to describe and explain our stories and experiences with other people. You oftentimes think others will understand what you’ve been through and see your perspective. Unfortunately this is rarely the case. In this episode Duane discusses this dynamic and how a narcissistic toxic ex can use this against us. Later in the show we take a caller who had this exact experience and talks about how this was used against her. The caller also discusses how remote visitation is being messed with and their court plan going forward. This leads to a discussion about how boundaries are eroded over time. Duane reminds people they have to give themselves a break because everyone made the best decision they could at that time. Looking back and beating yourself up for accepting this toxic behavior is counterproductive and is NOT helpful. Duane then takes a caller from Australia who recently honored his boundaries and broke up amicably with a girlfriend. Finally Duane reenforces the complexities of understanding ones story without context or reference.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:12 - Why don’t people see what you do?
15:10 - Comment - You were manipulated into doing the house work
18:46 - Comment - Misunderstanding on the price of shoes
23:05 - Caller - The ex takes everything out of context
36:34 - Our boundaries erode over time
43:28 - Give yourself a break from the past - you did the best you could
45:59 - Caller - Standing up for his boundaries
53:03 - Figuring things out without context
57:07 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In today’s show Duane starts off with the previous day’s caller who is struggling to repair his relationship with his 18 year old alienated son. Duane offers advice on how to keep the door open and to modify the approach to allow for communication. The reality is when things are not working you have to try something different. It is also very important to remember that we are not trying to convince ourselves but someone else so what may work for you may not work for them. We then get an update from a previous listener who is struggling with a toxic narcissistic “best friend”. Duane then takes a return caller who is still being denied access to their children but the judge in the case is starting to recognize where the problem is. Finally Duane talks bout the struggles of being overwhelmed and emotionally drained from all of this and how we have to persevere through all of this!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:44 - Caller - Return caller, struggling to have relationship with 18 year old son
26:47 - Keeping the door open
27:39 - SuperChat - ex BFF friend is recruiting more flying monkeys
29:26 - Comment - Weary of therapy for the kids
36:01 - Caller - Return caller, worn down by the stress
55:15 - When getting overwhelmed and emotionally drained
59:12 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In today’s show Duane discusses the controversy that occurred over the weekend concerning TikTok and his Narcissistic Daughter-in-Law video. He deep dives into the realities of arguing with a toxic narcissistic person and the depths they will go to try and destroy you. The other reality is not everyone sees the same information the same. Duane then goes into a summary of the TikTok channel and the comments on the video. Duane then takes a return caller who is realizing just how damaged their narcissistic ex truly is. A listener asks what is an appropriate age to talk to our children about narcissistic abuse. We then have a caller who encourages listeners to not give up on their kids. Finally we take a caller who wants to know how to repair the relationship with their 18 year old son who is alienated against them.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:32 - The viral TikTok video on narcissistic mother-in-law
07:22 - At what point do you stop fighting with a narcissist?
09:10 - People do not always see things the same
11:18 - Our stories are complicated
12:42 - Story of Duane’s father and new born son
15:28 - The TikTok MIL attack
23:28 - Caller - Realizing how damaged the narcissistic ex truly is
39:31 - When people start to see the reality
42:40 - Question - At what age is it appropriate to talk about this with kids
46:18 - Comment - Psychiatrist friend recognized disorder in ex
47:38 - Caller - Don’t give up on your kids
53:37 - Caller - How to repair relationship with 18 year old son
58:57 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
Duane starts the show wishing Debby a happy birthday! He then goes on with the topic of the day, adapting to change. One of the things that is very difficult is accepting and realizing that things just might not go the way we anticipate. On that a lot of listeners comment on their own realization and stories with how that worked for them. Duane then takes a caller who is struggling from finding out their teenage son isn’t their biological child and dealing with severe parental alienation. We then talk about how important it is to find the little victories we have and to be able to see them. We then takes a caller who is having a problem on transition days with their young daughter lashing out. Duane offers up advice on how to deal with groundhog days and techniques that have proven results in undoing the damage. Finally we discuss the guilt when you feel like giving up and how most people just do not understand the stress and pressure we’re under.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:08 - Happy birthday to Debby!
06:13 - Adapting when things don’t go how we expect
16:46 - Comment - I thought we’d split and go our separate ways…
21:19 - Comment - Ex said at start “Let the games begin”
24:21 - Comment - In the beginning asked what she wanted
25:23 - Caller - Found son isn’t mine and parental alienation
37:16 - Searching for the little victories to keep going
39:02 - Caller - Struggling with transition days
56:32 - Guilt when feeling like giving up
58:22 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
It is difficult to find people who truly understand the emotional abuse you have endured. You have to be extremely careful WHO you share your story with. It is important to remember that not everyone thinks the same as you or will process your experience the same way you do. A caller shares their story of being denied access to their child during a dental surgical procedure and how they are coping with that. Duane then has a caller who wants to know if it is normal to want to “crush” the ex and “win”. Finally we take a caller who is struggling to let go of their past live with the ex while being a disable veteran.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:37 - Be careful who you share with
13:09 - Comment - Boy needs to see his father involved
16:19 - Watch how people react to what you’re saying
18:14 - Caller - Being excluded as the “mom” in medical appointments
33:38 - Caller - Is it normal to be wanting to crush the ex?
47:20 - Caller - Struggling with the best way to go forward | missing past life
57:08 - You have to find what works for you
59:32 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In today’s show Duane addresses the issues of stress and how we sometimes can “lash out” at our children. Although this is not the “perfect” situation we can use this in a constructive way. Duane talks about how you can use this to demonstrate the differences between the toxic parent and how there is a different way to do things. He then addressed a question where a listener is struggling with the stigma of a restraining order. This moves into the tough topic of balancing being the disciplinarian all the time and how to not destroy your connection with your child in the process. Duane then takes a question bout how to deal when the ex is bringing new relationships around the children all the time. Finally Duane takes a caller who is dealing with a situation where the ex and their new girlfriend are trying to modify the child’s name with a nickname.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:43 - Comment - Shouted at my daughter - catch ourself
14:30 - Comment - Son showing narc traits how to maintain connection
19:55 - Comment - How to deal with stigma of a restraining order
22:39 - Comment - Narc ex throwing curveballs
26:06 - Comment - Being the “bad cop”
30:08 - Comment - Ex bringing new girlfriend all the time
38:38 - Comment - Fast relationships are not genuine
41:38 - Comment - Restraining order used to erase other parent
45:52 - Caller - Ex’s new GF changing child’s name
57:23 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In this episode Duane has special guest Leslee Powers from Spiritually Empowered Coaching on to discuss the nuances of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. In this story we have clear examples of smear campaigns, gaslighting, physical abuse, emotional abuse, stealing stories, and setting traps. This is one of the few times the narcissistic behaviors are on full display and Duane and Leslee discuss how this happens, how people fall for the traps, and the fight to regain your sanity after one of these experiences.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:41 - Leslee Powers - Spiritually Empowered Coaching
04:44 - Amber Heard/Johnny Depp a case study in abuse
12:24 - The patterns repeat over and over again
17:35 - The amazing smear campaign
24:16 - Impact on domestic violence because of this case
30:12 - Why were they recording each other
35:25 - Amber became the female version of Johnny Depp
39:07 - Coping mechanism when under abuse
43:34 - Being okay alone - find a way out of abuse
44:12 - Amber tried to get his DNA to set him up
48:29 - Stealing Kate James rape story
53:00 - 3 Day “hostage” situation in Australia
57:54 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane * Leslee Powers - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsEaTDlh3kfgl17DnaRFW2g
In this podcast Duane discusses different examples of how a narcissistic toxic person will push you to respond and react to their provocations. We start the discussion with a question on how to deal with a silent treatment. Then someone asks about can we “boop” ourselves in our own eye. Duane has a caller who is struggling with learning their “best friend” is a violent narcissist. This leads to a discussion on how narcissistic toxic people regardless of gender or relationship status tend to follow the exact same patterns of behavior. A listener comments that their ex is going out of their way to start a conversation with them. This results in them often wanting “immediate” responses to their messages. A caller shares a crazy making story of changing times and trying to adapt. Finally we finish on the thought of allowing them to think “they won” or at least are winning.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
05:56 - Tomorrow’s show - Amber Heard vs Johnny Depp ft. Leslee Powers
14:50 - Comment - How do you deal with silent treatment
18:57 - Comment - Have you “booped” yourself
24:14 - Caller - My “best friend” is a narcissist
33:24 - Narcissists follow the same patterns
36:46 - Comment - Ex going out of their way for contact
39:38 - Comment - Ex did avoidance thing and lied for RO
41:12 - Comment - They want IMMEDIATE responses
42:38 - Caller - Crazy making and playing games with time
52:36 - They are trying to get a response from you
54:14 - Comment - Letting them think they won
58:15 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In this Friday show we discuss how it feels like you will never recover from a high conflict and destructive narcissistic divorce. Duane shares his experience thinking that it would take forever to get to the other side of this. With time and healing he was able to regain his life and start to find his own peace. Duane then tackles a comment from a listener who is struggling with a defeat in court, a serious back injury, and the lost of work. He provides a pathway forward to deal with the reality of their situation. He then addresses a comment from a listener who is frustrated with constantly being forced to pay for extra curricular actives. A return caller shares a cute story where his 6 year old son saw through the toxic person’s lies. Duane then recognizes a court victory from a listener who won guardianship over her parents saving them from a narcissistic sibling. Finally we talk about why we fight for our children and what we can ultimately accomplish!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
05:21 - Tuesday Leslee Powers will co-host to talk Amber Heard and Jonny Depp
08:16 - Feeling like it will take forever
13:48 - Comment - Lost in court, broken back, and out of work how to get out of the darkness
24:10 - There is still time to have a relationship with kids
29:02 - Comment - How to deal with extra curricular activities
34:48 - Comment - Dad, it takes a lot to raise 2 kids…
38:04 - Caller - Return caller shares story when his 6yo saw through the lies
44:14 - Comment - Won in court guardianship of parents from narc sibling
45:37 - Comment - At what point do you get tired of being taken advantage of
52:13 - Comment - Keep fighting for the sake of kids
57:43 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In today’s show Duane talks about his personal struggles of trying to force things to go a certain way. He remembers how he tried to get his ex to follow the court order, share information, and generally see that the ex’s actions were hurting everyone. He talks about techniques he uses to break that cycle of thinking and to be able to find and see solutions that actually help make things, at least for the listener, better. Duane also shares a story of his time in basic training and how he used perspective to deal with a painful injury. We finish the show with a caller he’s narcissistic ex has manipulated the court system to limit access to the children and constantly create problems and stress.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:18 - Forcing things - it just doesn’t work
16:43 - Comment - Just going to send emails about next weeks appointments
19:49 - Check out Kamga Tchassa he’s an excellent story teller
20:46 - Comment - Laughter is important
21:34 - That time in Air Force basic training
24:45 - Comment - Ex lied about appointments, never scheduled
27:25 - Caller - Dealing with false restraining order
55:34 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis] * You Get To Be You - [https://yougettobeyou.com/duane]
In today’s show Duane discusses the difficulties in taking your life back and learning to live again. He discusses how we get, or have, to decide that our ex no longer has “power” over us. Then he talks about how exhausting it is. He also says we have to take the time to heal and it is more than just “forgetting” what happened. Duane then tackles the common question of oral hygiene and when it can be used in court. We then talk about a bunch of different examples of how they make our lives complicated. A caller from the United Kingdom shares his story of how COVID 19 has resulted in a pending court case and questions if he is unprepared for the hearing. Duane then takes a listener’s comment asking for advice on what to say to a new partner. Finally we have a return caller who shares examples of bizarre behaviors of their ex.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
06:55 - Learning to live again | break the narcissist’s connection
09:28 - You have no power over me | the Labyrinth movie
14:04 - It gets exhausting
20:29 - Comment - Way better than before
23:28 - Comment - We give up and they win anyway?
26:20 - Take the time to heal - do not just forget
30:32 - Comment - Child’s teeth not being taken care of
32:19 - Comment - Am I unprepared for court?
34:33 - Comment - Ex kicked me out of home and left me with their bills
37:27 - Comment - Wasting time on things that do not matter
41:18 - Caller - Ex used COVID against him in court
48:21 - Comment - Best advice for new partners
50:67 - Comment - Dealing with narcissistic co-worker
52:01 - Caller - Example of childlike narcissistic behavior
59:23 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
Duane discusses the differences between the battles and the war and how to decide when you have to fight the narcissistic ex.
Show NotesIn today’s show Duane starts with a deep dive into the concepts of battles and wars. The experience we are forced into is not unlike a war where our decisions and tactics will determine our outcomes. Duane then takes a caller who is currently struggling with deciding their next move. Their ex is withholding the child using COVID-19 as the reason to limit contact. We then discuss finding extra support on the DSD Discord server. Duane takes a question about being paranoid of getting into another toxic relationship. A listener shares how they were single for over 5 years and was able to heal and ultimately find a healthy relationship. Another listener shares how they were married for 20 years and coupled with their children are recovering from over 43 years of trauma and abuse. We then discuss how every first date can feel like a job interview for narcissistic personality disorder. Finally Duane quickly addresses the issue of shaking the trauma dreams.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:09 - The difference of battles vs war
19:10 - Comment - Does it get better if they get remarried?
21:46 - Caller - Return caller, ex still withholding child for “covid”
36:56 - Discussion - How the narcissists gets in your head - finding extra support
39:31 - Comment - Paranoid about getting into another relationship
47:13 - Comment - Stayed single for 5.5 years - broke the cycle
50:20 - Comment - At 23 was with for 20 years - 43 years of trauma
53:22 - Comment - Every first date is a NPD interview
58:22 - Comment - Shaking trama dreams
59:45 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
Duane starts the show with a question asking if a covert narcissist will settle or force a trail. Then we move on to modifying a court order. Duane takes a return caller who is struggling with the emotional ups and downs of the game playing. We then discuss the reality of how we are pushed to actively alienate our own children and Duane discusses a specific instance that nearly happened with him. Duane then takes caller who discusses their path to figure out when to fight battles and when to let it go. We then go over the main topic of the day that started from a comment on the DSD Discord of does this pain ever end. A caller asks the question who influences the ex and encourages them to do these destructive things. Duane talks about the reality of how a narcissistic toxic ex does EXACTLY what they want to do. We finish up with a caller who discusses their struggle of accepting what the ex actually is and how damaging it is to their children.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:55 - Teasing an upcoming collaboration with John Steinbeck
05:04 - Comment - Will a covert narcissist settle or force trial?
09:03 - Comment - Is it expensive to modify a court order?
10:41 - Caller - Struggling with the ups and downs
17:38 - Being pushed to alienate ourselves
23:22 - Caller - Picking your battles - is it worth the fight?
31:59 - Getting over the pain - does it ever end?
41:09 - Discussion - Moderators
42:21 - Caller - Do influences the narcissistic toxic ex?
48:04 - Discussion - The ex is doing EXACTLY what they want
51:41 - Caller - Accepting what they really are
58:34 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In today’s show the discussion focuses around family court and how the system feels like it is stacked against you. The first caller has an issue where the mother of their children collapsed and the children were placed with her brother. He is now fighting to see his children and to retain custody as the BIL is fighting for guardianship. We then have another caller who shares his story of winning in court against the recommendation of a GAL and mediator. We finish the show discussing Divorce Corp the documentary and talking about feeling drained.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:11 - Pausing to remember 911
04:20 - Caller - Fighting brother-in-law for custody of kids
22:48 - The system fighting against you
26:47 - Thinking of this as warfare
29:16 - Comment - Always show up for your kids
30:10 - Caller - Not giving up and gaining ground
42:32 - Discussion - Don’t believe the “you’re going to lose” narrative
46:22 - Comment - Divorce Corp the documentary
50:36 - Comment - Are you drained today?
56:10 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In today’s episode Kris Godinez from We Need to Talk with Kris Godinez joins Duane to take a listener question about estranged parents. They tackle the issues of deciding if it is even worth it to “fix”. Kris points out that until the toxic parent or person is willing to seek help you have to keep healthy boundaries. This leads to a discussion about seeking help. Duane talks about his own struggles and how his early career had a significant stigma toward mental health. They then discuss the stress of setting boundaries and the guilt with phasing out parents. Duane then shares his experience with his own mother “siding” with his ex when he started setting boundaries. Kris and Duane then discuss the difficulties of being able to “see” the reality of what is going on. Duane mentions how he wanted to stop normalizing toxic behavior for his children. Kris talks about how malignant narcissists operate at the age of a 2 to 6 year old child in an adult body. Duane then brings up how we need to re-evaluate our lives and break the cycle of abuse. Finally Kris discusses the critical importance of doing the inner child work to break this vicious cycle of generational emotional abuse.
Books discussed during showThe Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker - https://amzn.to/35pLBqo
CPTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker - https://amzn.to/2Zr7K3z
The Inner Child Workbook by Catherine Taylor - https://amzn.to/3k5wrdI
The Self Esteem Workbook by Glen Schiraldi - https://amzn.to/2ZnZOjN
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:14 - Introduction of Kris Godinez
04:16 - Estranged Relationships with parents
10:48 - Decided if it is worth “fixing”
14:30 - The person has to work on getting better
15:51 - The struggle with seeking help
20:54 - Boundaries and guilt
25:37 - Parent sides with toxic ex spouse
31:27 - Why can’t I see reality
38:27 - Normalizing toxic behavior
41:27 - They operate at the age of 4
44:45 - Re-evaluate and break the cycle
50:12 - Inner child work
56:55 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
Today’s show starts with a follow up from yesterdays show where a listener asked about how a toxic narcissistic ex will use money to try and get you to break no contact. Duane then take a caller who won in court and who’s ex-wife is now being nice trying to get him to agree to give her control. Duane talks about the struggles when there are conflicting messages from the ex, from when they are being basically evil and then nice all the time. We then have a caller who needs a strategy to deal with court ordered co-parenting with a toxic ex. The DSD Discord is discussed as a good alternative to using Facebook groups to help you through this. Finally Duane discusses a listener comment about men playing the “victim card” in court.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:48 - Using money to break no-contact
04:38 - Caller - Won in court now the ex is being nice
33:49 - Discussion - Dealing with the confusion from an ex
36:21 - Caller - Need strategies for co-parenting counseling
51:19 - Discussion - DSD Discord for additional support
53:33 - Comment - Men playing the “victim card” in court
59:32 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In today’s show Duane starts off the discussion talking finances. It is so easy to make bad financial decisions that ultimately make things much more difficult. We then talk about the importance of re-baselining your life. Duane then talks about the pitfalls of “working more” and how than can be used against you in family court. The discussion then moves to using child support to deny access to kids. Duane shares a story of a friend who was ground up in the system but ultimately after years has been able to get their life back. The reality, you have to play the long game and set yourself up for success. There is a comment about just wanting it to all be over and stopping the fight to regain your sanity. Duane then takes a caller who was made to feel guilty for fighting instead of taking “the high road” on a Reddit post. This drives the discussion on the importance of keeping negativity out of your life. Duane then talks about how the system has changed from when women would get nothing to now when the men lose everything. We wrap the show up with a discussion on being a nurturing father and how to demonstrate that to the family court.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:04 - Discussion - Finance and Budgeting
16:07 - Comment - Re-baselining works
18:04 - Discussion - Working “extra” to make ends meet
21:33 - Comment - Using child support to deny access
23:30 - Discussion - Recovering when family court grinds you up
25:47 - Comment - Notifying court when you “make more money”
28:08 - Discussion - Planning for the “long game”
32:49 - Comment - Fighting harder but wanting it over
35:12 - Comment - Giving up everything
36:42 - Caller - Feeling guilting for fighting for our kids
49:07 - Discussion - The importance of keep negativity out
52:50 - Discussion - How the system has changed
55:15 - Comment - Be a good nurturing father
57:35 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
On today’s Labor Day show we start out with a call struggling with their ex ignoring and rejecting their child. Duane then rants about why these people just can’t even pretend to actually love their children. A listener then asks how Duane was able to prevent his ex from leaving the state with the kids. This rolls into a discussion on how family court is slow. Duane reminds everyone about the Thursday collaboration with Kris Godinez and another mystery guest that he is working on bringing on the show. We then have a question about will a custody evaluation recognize personality disorders. A listener asks Duane what hobbies he used to maintain his sanity through the dark parts of the divorce. Finally we have a return caller who is struggling with the stress and having difficulties finding support.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
06:16 - Caller - Ex ignoring child and they are lashing out
22:03 - Discussion - Why can’t they just pretend to love their kids
26:52 - Comment - How to prevent ex from moving out of state
33:30 - Discussion - Family Court is slow
38:13 - Discussion - Upcoming collaborations Kris Godinez and a mystery guest
40:47 - Comment - Will a custody evaluation diagnose a disorder
45:27 - Comment - What hobbies did I use to help myself
50:27 - Caller - Struggling with the stress and finding support
58:58 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
Today’s Friday show starts with tips to bond with your children when you have limited to no funds. The key is giving them your time and attention and it can be a critical step in defending against parental alienation. Duane talks about one technique where he would spend 15 minutes dedicated to whatever the child wanted to do. He then goes on to describe the “creative day” they would do all together. We then discuss the troubles of comparing yourself to what your ex is doing. A listener asks for recommends on books that helped Duane. Although the answers are simple it is not common sense for everyone. DSD then takes a caller who discusses his process for picking his battles and why he isn’t going to fight the latest court ruling. Duane then discusses how our stories are so similar and being able to guess someone’s experience. Finally we wrap up the show with a caller who talks about how “Absolute Thinking” is working for him!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:32 - Off topic discussion about YouTube Spaces Training
06:45 - How to make connections with your kids - with no money
14:03 - It takes only 15 minutes
17:37 - Creative Day
19:38 - Do not compare yourself to the ex
22:38 - Books that helped me
26:18 - Caller - Picking your battles with school
42:08 - It’s not common sense for everyone
44:16 - Creating content for the masses
45:58 - How our stories are so similar
48:47 - Caller - Absolute Thinking Works!
58:48 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
On today’s episode Duane starts off talking about the concept of “Disneyland Dad” and how no matter what you do a toxic ex is going to shame and ridicule everything you go. We then dive into the issue of how to deal with teachers when you have a toxic ex. Duane then discusses how important it is to “learn” the rules of the family court game. He then talks about being able to see the end of this in 3 years. A viewer then is struggling with comparing their situation to their ex who has family and support while they have nothing. We finish the show talking about how you get to start your life basically over and pick a new direction and path!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
06:30 - Discussion - Disneyland Dad misnomer
14:05 - Discussion - My topic on You Get to be You Series
14:58 - Tease of upcoming expert on Title IV-D
17:40 - Discussion - How to deal with teachers
31:10 - Discussion - Playing the “systems’” game
43:05 - Discussion - Freedom and get out of family court
44:45 - Comment - Ex has family and support - I have nothing
50:23 - Discussion - Alimony for life
51:36 - Discussion - Starting your life over
59:07 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
Duane starts today’s show talking about how a narcissistic parent can put on a show and have people think they are a great and attentive parent. We then tackle a question for a listener who is struggling with trust issues. Duane then takes a question of do the children ultimately realize something is wrong with the other parent. We then talk about how a narcissist will try to destroy you and you have to work against their efforts. A listener then comments about how a narcissist can not love even their child unconditionally. Duane then takes a caller from the United Kingdom asking if society is become more narcissistic. Finally we have a caller who discusses their false allegation of child abuse and how child protective services and law enforcement is starting to see through the lies.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
05:08 - Comment - When the narcissistic parents puts on an act
11:18 - How to become a channel member
13:50 - Comment - Dealing with trust issues
21:06 - Question - Do the kids ultimately realize what’s going on?
27:41 - Discussion - Do not allow them to destroy you
31:21 - Comment - A narcissist can no love child unconditionally
32:20 - Caller - Is society becoming more narcissistic?
43:31 - Comment - Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life
45:45 - Caller - Dealing with false allegation and ex being exposed
59:25 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In today’s show Duane tackles the topic of family court issues. The show starts with a viewer asking what to expect in family court. Duane then shares a viewers story of perseverance and ultimate success through the system. He then discusses how a narcissistic toxic ex will try to bankrupt you financially and emotionally to get what they ant. We then have a return caller talking about their experience through the family court. We then have a caller who discusses the tactics they used to get more time with their child. Duane ends with a caller who is questioning if they should go back to court or not.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:13 - Comment - Family Court & what to expect
12:13 - Discussion - Story of perseverance
15:16 - Discussion - Emotionally Bankrupt
18:59 - Caller - Family Law and the process
27:48 - Comment - Will ex-boyfriend family still come around
28:56 - Caller - Negotiation tactics in family court
46:30 - Discussion - Don’t make rash decisions
48:04 - Caller - Is it worth it to go back to court?
59:10 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
Narcissists are experts at creating and exploiting double binds. In today’s episode we start by talking about a viewer who is worried their spouse has compromised their phone, computer, and emails. Duane then mentions a schedule collaboration with Kris Godinez on her channel. A listener shares that their ex broke into their emails and downloaded steps 1 and 2 from their Alcoholic Anonymous notes sent to their sponsor. We then discuss what to say to your children about what is going on. Duane then takes a caller from Ireland who although never married has kids with his ex and is struggling with custody issues. Duane then discusses the double binds and how it is tough to decide the best of the worst case solutions/decisions. We finish up with a return caller talking about how a toxic narcissistic ex will make you pay emotionally no matter what happens - even if you win in court.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:47 - Voicemail - worried that ex is tracking them
11:33 - Locations of where people are watching from
12:45 - Discussion - The new Bill and Ted Movie
13:48 - Discussion - Kris Godinez and upcoming visit on her show
16:12 - Comment - Ex logged into email step 1&2 of A.A. sent to sponsor
16:54 - Comment - Talking to your kids about narcissists
19:48 - Comment - Isn’t stealing computer data a crime?
20:45 - Caller - Never married but kids and custody issues
44:11 - Discussion - Double binds do I go to court?
46:29 - Caller - You pay for any “victory” you get
57:00 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In this show Duane is joined by Kris Godinez from We Need to Talk with Kris Godinez show. Kris is a licensed professional counselor in Arizona and has a thriving practice there. Duane and Kris talk about the importance of therapy and some of the key things to look for when interviewing a therapist. They dive into the importance of rapport and the markings of a good trauma therapist. Kris then discusses how there are narcissists in the profession and how important it is to trust your gut. They then talk about how in the education system they tend to no teach about personality disorders. Kris then talks bout the “process” and how the client has to take responsibility for their progress and setting clear goals. Duane and Kris then talk about the original wound and how it is the key to recovery. This leads into a discussion about how fear stops people from growing. They wrap up with the importance of “doing the work” and how a therapist is never going to work more than the client, basically the client sets the pace.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:56 - Introduction of Kris Godinez
05:58 - The importance of therapy
09:31 - How do you find a good therapist
15:50 - Trauma Therapists
19:41 - The importance of rapport
23:05 - Narcissists who are professional therapists
24:11 - You have to trust your gut
25:50 - When the therapists does ALL the talking
28:23 - Getting therapy for our kids
29:17 - Professors refusing to teach about personality disorders
35:12 - Importance of process - car comparison
36:11 - How should you talk to your therapist
39:12 - The original wound
44:08 - Becoming “okay” with yourself
45:50 - How fear stops people from growing
51:16 - Finding therapists that have healed themselves
53:42 - Doing the work - therapist isn’t going to do it for you
57:26 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane * Kris Godinez YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHk_36kn2zDnVL-d23tE6bg * Kris Godinez Website - https://krisgodinez.com/ * Previous Podcast with Kris - https://youtu.be/xNDw7629C24
In today’s show we tackle a lot of the issues that complicate making “good” decisions. We oftentimes get stuck trying to prove to ourselves what we are really dealing with. The discussion starts off with a question of, “what is the red pill”. Duane dives into the origins from the movie “The Matrix” and then how it pertains to our situation. We then cover a question where one listener’s son is saying he “wants a new mommy”. Duane then talks about how he was programmed to think his own father was a “bad guy”. Duane then brings Debby in as a guest for a bit of the show. We then go into the question of why do we keep “touching the hot pan” and why it takes a while to “learn the lesson” and trust what is real. We finish up talking about taking the time to heal and how you really owe it to yourself to “jump in” the water and get the work done!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
01:44 - What is the “Red Pill”
08:06 - Comment - Divorce can turn a normal guy into a criminal
12:09 - How I got through this
15:15 - Comment - When your kids say they want a new mom
18:03 - Comment - When I left son asked if I was still going to be his dad
20:37 - Discussion - Was I programed to view my dad as bad?
25:24 - Brought Debby into the conversation
27:37 - Comment - Marriage is a business contract
32:31 - Clip from Veronika Archer about “You Get to be YOU this time”
35:21 - Discussion - Why we keep toughing the hot pot on the stove
44:28 - Comment - If marriage is to come fine but I’m not going to rush it
49:03 - Get more support on the DSD Discord
50:23 - Comment - Done with relationships for a long time
54:53 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane * The Red Pill - A Cassie Jaye Documentary - http://theredpillmovie.com/
In today’s show Duane starts off discussing how important it is to focus on things that help improve your life and get you to where you are wanting to go. We then have a question about the struggles to accept that the relationship was a lie. A listener talks about their 8 year journey to find healing and growth. Duane then talks about an example his oldest son is going through where is mom is poking at him about his hair. This leads to a discuss on how much you can and should share with adult children. There is a discussion about how the system can abuse people and the zero accountability with false allegations. We finish up the show with a call at the very beginning stages before even filing for divorce and their struggles with accepting what they are dealing with.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:18 - Focus on improving your life
14:45 - Comment - Struggling to believe the relationship was a lie
18:52 - Comment - Took 8 years to recover
28:48 - Discussion - Narc subtle putdowns - even a child
33:29 - Comment - How detailed can you go with adult child
37:50 - Technology Failure
38:36 - Thank you for the support
39:18 - Comment - Family Court should allow victim impact statements
45:24 - Caller - Very beginning stages before first custody hearing
57:55 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
In this show Duane discusses finding who you are and healing plus growing through these experiences. He then discusses his involvement with Veronika Archer and her “You Get to be YOU” Podcast Series that has over 32 experts in their respective areas. We then discuss how these experiences give you the opportunity to change the direction of your life. Duane then discusses how he used therapy with YouTube (Richard Grannon) to work through the emotional pain and trauma he was going through. A listen er asks, “Do we create our own mess” and Duane discusses his thoughts on lessons and how these experiences force us to deal with past traumas. A caller shares how the failed relationship with his ex forced him to look at his past and realize he had a trouble family of origin. We then discuss a comment asking if over trusting is our “main” failure. Duane then discusses after a comment about the importance of healthy emotional boundaries in good relationships. Finally we discuss how a narcissist operates and if they “plan” what they do.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:54 - You Get to be YOU Podcast Series
10:52 - Getting to change the direction of your life
19:17 - Comment - Been following DSD from the beginning
23:19 - Discussion - Does the ex know about DSD
25:56 - Comment - Found DSD through Reddit
27:22 - Discussion - How I used YouTube and Therapy together/Richard Grannon
30:00 - Comment - Did we create our own mess?
36:25 - Discussion - Had this not happened I wouldn’t get where I am today
40:52 - Caller - How the ex made me realize who my family was
48:16 - Discussion - Joy of seeing people grow!
50:44 - Comment - Is over trusting our main failure?
53:58 - Discussion - Where is the “BOOP” what is the BOOP
54:32 - Comment - Healthy Boundaries
57:36 - Comment - Does a narcissist operate on instinct
59:29 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * You Get To Be You - https://yougettobeyou.com/duane
This was a rough show, the callers at the end has some bad and good news. The show starts with a comment from yesterday asking does the ex remarry to “hurt us”. Duane then discusses how we can get stuck ruminating the about the ex. Then we discuss ways to work around the ex when they are holding/hiding information. A caller shares how they have gotten their life back, became a nurse and overcome narcissistic abuse and the suicide of their child. Finally we have a caller who is struggling with the guilt of feeling happy when they can’t see their child. Button line this shows goes over how through all this hardship and adversity we can recover our lives and still find joy and purpose.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:53 - Comment - Does a narc remarry to hurt us?
09:51 - Just banter about what’s going on
10:55 - Comment - Ex always said “Soulmate”
12:44 - Comment - Ruminating about ex
16:22 - Comment - Moments when the past plays over and over again
19:53 - Comment - Takes time for our minds to bounce back
20:54 - Comment - Paralysis by analysis
25:05 - Comment - Ex is mad because I called dentist to get info
42:32 - Caller - Get life back after child suicide
48:22 - How to find the DSD Discord Server
52:00 - Caller - Guilt of being happy without child
56:40 - How covid has been used as a weapon
58:42 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
In today’s show Duane starts by talking about personal accountability and focusing on your own path. Too often people start to focus on the “problems” of others instead of doing the work on themselves. He then discusses a comment where a listener is concerned if it is okay to ignore a the person they broke up with. We then have a caller who is celebrating 27 days free from the narcissist and is in their own place. Duane then discusses the phases of divorce and how learning can be VERY helpful in minimizing mistakes. A listener is having an issue dealing with emotional triggers in the early days of divorce. We have a return caller feeling down from the constant stress and pressure. Duane addresses a listener comment who is VERY angry about child support and how the funds are not used on the kids. The show takes a caller who has been gaslit by their ex and provoked to act which could be used against them. Finally Duane discusses how narcissistic people push boundaries and how we have to gauge their actions against their words.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:26 - Discussion - Spending time focusing on your healing
11:16 - Comment - Is it fair to ignore a guy I broke up with after 2 weeks?
13:20 - Comment - They bait you to respond and more on diagnosis
14:43 - Caller - 27 Days free from narcissistic ex
18:53 - Discussion - The phases of divorce and how learning can really help
23:56 - Comment - Dealing with emotional triggers
27:47 - Caller - Feeling down from the constant stress
44:46 - Comment - Anger about child support
49:44 - Caller - Being provoked to act
54:23 - Discussion - Pushing boundaries | actions vs words
58:38 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Feeling lost and confused is extremely common when recovering from narcissistic abuse. It is incredibly difficult to fine people who understand. This show starts when a discussion of feeling lost. We then have a caller who runs the site Pissed Off Parents and talks about how important it is to get educated on the process to help protect yourself. The next topic is why filing first is an advantage and Duane deep dives into the realities of this scenario and what it really means. We then have a caller who was a victim of the “silver bullet” and how it has altered their life. Duane then talks about “raising your vibration” and how he struggles with that concept but how he’s changed to bring better people into his life. The show wraps up with a discussion on when the feeling of fear ends when you’re waiting for the next “shoe” to drop.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:54 - Discussion - Feeling lost like no one understands
13:13 - Comment - No Facebook during litigation - can be used in court
15:06 - Comment - Getting out of “victim” mode
17:36 - Caller - Talking about reform and teaching people about the process
23:51 - Discussion - Why filing first is an advantage
33:40 - Comment - Recording everything at all times (check laws in your area)
35:14 - Caller - When the ex uses the “silver bullet”
41:43 - Discussion - Defense against the “silver bullet”
44:53 - Comment - Re baselining yourself
46:24 - Discussion - Seeing the growth and improvements in the DSD community
49:03 - Discussion - Raising your “vibration”
51:08 - Comment - Innocences Lost - Lives Changed
55:12 - Comment - When will the feeling of fear stop
58:35 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * Pissed Off Parent YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtetE2Z6N_JpvUwd--RR8uw * Pissed Off Parent Website - https://pissedoffparent.com/
It is normal to feel numb and broken after prolonged narcissistic abuse by an ex and the family court system. This is the starting point of day’s show. Duane discusses a comment where a listener feels like they have been going to therapy forever. Another questions “what is normal” anyway? We then going through the stress and anxiety of seeking help and confronting our own demons. A call asked do assigned therapists or GALS help or do they get it wrong. Another caller asked what does the narcissist want and why do they make simple mistakes that undermine their own case. A listener shares in the comments their recent victor with visitation enforcement. Finally we end with the age old question, “Am I the narcissist?”
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:30 - Discussion - Comfortably Numb
09:11 - Comment - Feel like I’ve been going to therapy forever
18:41 - Comment - What is normal anyway?
21:52 - Comment - Seeking therapy is overwhelming
24:53 - Caller - Do GALs help and do they get it wrong?
37:09 - Caller - Why does a narcissist do what they do?
54:17 - Comment - Victory on enforcement for visitation
55:17 - Comment - Am I the narcissist? Am I crazy?
57:53 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
We start the week talking about how playing the narcissist’s game is a losing battle. You will end up beating your head against the wall trying to get a better outcome and how it holds you back. Duane briefly talks about how Caleb Leverett is doing after his cryptic video posted over the weekend. Move on to discussing how to develop and implement new routines. Speaking of moving on, we look at the difficult of being able to “move on”. Duane discusses a bit of his experience with fighting back over medical billing and collection issues. We briefly discuss MGTOW and how that is a slippery slope. We finish up with a caller wanting to know when does this all stop!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
02:47 - Discussion - Forcing things to go MY way
10:39 - Discussion - Caleb Leverett is fine, just going through more BS with EX
13:39 - Text DSDLIVE to 855-849-6952
14:50 - Discussion - How to develop new healthy routines
21:15 - Super Sticker and my confusion
22:06 - Comment - How to ignore and “move on”
26:27 - Discussion - Medical bills and collections
30:50 - Comment - Worst parts is being a strong person and falling for their trap
35:55 - Midpoint of show
36:44 - Comment - Ex has start to not send clothes back
42:01 - Discussion - Manipulation and shaming tactics and a live example
46:45 - Comment - MGTOW Men Going Their Own Way
49:38 - Caller - It’s the personality trait not all women
53:31 - Caller - When does it stop
59:14 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
We finish the third week of the new show! The discussion was how life gets better after going through this. It can seem impossible to believe that you can have a life after this but you can and it can be better than you ever imagined. We have a return caller who shares their court victory and celebrates their success. Then a viewer has a question on how their ex can start the divorce but won’t leave him alone. Duane talks about how these experiences provide you an opportunity to reflect on your life and grow from the experiences. A caller is struggling with catastrophic thinking and questioning their own decisions. Finally Duane summarizes the show and reminds everyone that your perspective changes after going through these experiences - which is a good thing!
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:51 - Discussion - How life is better now - after all of this
10:51 - Discussion - You have no power over me | review of previous video
12:51 - Caller - Update on how court went | victories and forward progress
19:23 - Question - She started the divorce but won’t leave me alone
22:11 - Discussion - Taking the opportunity to improve our lives
30:32 - Caller - Struggling and being provoked | catastrophic thinking
47:46 - Summary of struggling caller
53:32 - Comment - Think long term because it never ends but you get better at dealing with it
58:40 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * Resources - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/resources * Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends - http://amzn.to/2gsypXh
The show starts with discussing what happened with my relationships with Eric Carroll and Dad Talk Today. Then we move into burn out and what has happened with me and how I’ve dealt with it. We then have a caller who is getting ready for court and how the ex keeps beating them down and changing moving the finish line. We then have another caller who is struggling with social distancing visits and having to be around their toxic, and very triggering ex. Broach the topic of unmeetable conditions and how they uses those to control the narrative. Finally we talk about decide how sometimes fighting back and cause more problems then it solves.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:18 - Discussion - Dad Talk Today and my relationship with Eric Carroll
09:01 - Discussion - Burnout and tips to deal with it
11:36 - Caller - Getting ready for court
22:00 - Caller - COVID social distance visit with ex interfering
35:23 - Discussion - Unmeetable conditions and the smear
45:03 - Discussion - Choose your battles - the pitfalls for going back for “more”
53:03 - Caller - Return caller talking about when it’s not worth it
58:49 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
We start the show discussing a proven approach to deal with alienated children. A comment was asked how to undo the damage with adult children and a minor child. Then we have a caller who was provoked by the ex and blew up in front of the children at their house. This leads to a discussion of how narcissistic people follow the same playbook and patterns of behavior. We then delve into the inner child wounds that often leads to accepting narcissistic/toxic relationships. A view shares how difficult it is when a toxic parent actively works to destroy what was a loving relationship with a child. We finish with a caller who found the channel and was able to help lead her brother to victory dealing with a toxic ex in the very difficult Canadian family court system
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:09 - Comment - Kids have been turned, what to say to the adults vs 11 year old
18:11 - Caller - Provoked by ex and blew up in front of kids
30:05 - Discussion - How the patterns repeat
37:18 - Comment - Inner child wounds lead to narcissistic abuse?
41:00 - Discussion of CPTSD vs PTSD
48:00 - Comment - Its a living hell in family court
51:26 - Comment - Hardest thing is when a parent destroys what was a wonderful relationship
52:34 - Caller - Helped her brother deal with a toxic ex - it can be overcome
58:56 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
In this show we discuss some examples of how a narcissistic ex won’t leave you alone. How they will come back and try to re-insert themselves back into your mind. This start will a comment about how after four years an engaged ex shows up at the workplace to give back papers and photos. Next we have a caller who’s uninvolved ex decides to use the court system to try and pushing the mother of their child. There is a discussion about how much pain is involved in recovery and how hard it is to fight the funk of depression. We end the show with a walk down memory lane where Duane talks about how he met Debby.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
03:41 - Comment - Ex wife shows up after four years
08:49 - Caller - Ex is missing time but filed extra court papers
24:20 - Discussion - When things don’t go their way - they make your life hell
30:18 - Discussion - Dealing with depression and in a funk
38:31 - Get extra support with the DSD Discord server
39:07 - Discussion - How unfair this is - the phases of the process
40:55 - Support DSD with channel memberships
41:16 - Comment - How dare you move on!
44:03 - Discussion - The pain feels like it will be your “forever”
47:20 - Comment - So used to being single might just stay that way
54:35 - Comment - You need the time to find yourself and be open for better
59:53 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Validation is a critical aspect of healing from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. It’s difficult to find people to understand and for us to find our own understanding. In this episode we discuss validation, karma, warning the new “supply”, or asking the old about their experience. The show rounds out with a discussion on forgiveness and how to regain our lives after this toxic experiences. Finally we talk about my own person “warning signs” that I experienced early in the relationship.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Start of show
04:00 - Caller - Do we believe in Karma
12:19 - Discussion - How toxic people draw negative things to them - they live their karma every day
16:00 - Comment - Should I tell the new person about the ex?
17:59 - Why validation is so important AND hard to get
24:07 - Comment - I’m seeing warning signs, should I ask the ex if they saw them too?
28:49 - Caller - Hoover attempts and karma involved with kids mom
36:59 - Comment - Narcissists never want to deal with their brokenness | living in the illusion
49:26 - Ellen DeGeneres discussion - the two sides of a person
50:17 - Comment - Forgiveness is not for them its for us
52:31 - Comment - What were the warning signs I experienced
59:07 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis * Tracy Malone - https://www.youtube.com/user/Koppconsulting2010
In this episode we start off talking about how triggers effect people. Not in the “I’m offended and trigger” but real post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) way. We then take a return caller who is struggling with how their ex is about to recruit everyone from friends, evaluators, nanny’s and how it is driving them crazy. Then there is a rant on double binds and how “fighting” with someone like this is an exercise in frustration. We close with a caller who’s ex keeps coming back and wanting to “move back in”.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Show Introduction
02:37 - Discussion - Triggers and how they effect you
10:15 - Comment - Bad week and needed a break
12:14 - Caller - Struggling with how ex can recruit EVERYONE as a flying monkey
34:59 - Review of call and summary - double binds
52:08 - Caller - The ex keeps on coming back
59:45 - End of show wrap up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Community Poll - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce/community/ * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Panic attacks and anxiety! How in the world does one go through something this traumatic and overcome those panic attacks and constant anxiety? We talk about this in todays episode of the show. The conversations also delves into growing up in a toxic household, what if we had full custody, why an ex would want a divorce BUT still want to have sex, and the Caleb Leverett controversy.
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Table of Contents00:00 - Show Introduction
03:45 - Question - how to deal with panic attacks and anxiety
17:59 - Discussion - Growing up in a toxic household | when your parent lies to you
23:34 - Comment - Sleep issues
26:47 - Failed Call - discussion about channel issues
34:10 - Discussion - The Caleb Leverett Controversy
40:58 - Comment - Constant false narrative
46:12 - Discussion - What we had full custody?
50:26 - Comment - The “evil” of the “rotten pumpkin”
53:28 - Comment - Why would ex want divorce but still want sex?
54:41 - Discussion - Review of the week and this show
59:25 - End of show wrap up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Community Poll - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce/community/ * Hypnosis - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Today’s show starts with a discussion on how “things” happen and tend to point us in the right direction. Even though our experiences are catastrophic and traumatic it can ultimately lead to a change in your life that is profound and ultimately very positive. We then go to a caller from India who had moved to the United States and after a failed toxic relationship had to return home to India. He is struggling with validation and purging the recurring thoughts and feeling out of his head.
Table of Contents00:00 - Show Introduction
03:40 - Discussion - Being pushed in a different direction
21:38 - Caller - Struggling in India how to heal and move out of the darkness
43:28 - Discussion - how hypnosis helped me
59:34 - End of show wrap up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * Community Poll - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce/community/] * Hypnosis - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Participate in the show!During the show you can call in live at
- 1 (424) 373-5483
- 1 (424) DSD-LIVE
- https://www.callinstudio.com/show/DSDLIVE (Web Interface - free dialing)
- You can also leave a voicemail through the DSD website
Double binds are something we have to deal with in toxic narcissistic relationships. In this episode we talk about how bad they can be and how we are forced to fight things that we may not want to. One caller is dragged back into court because of visitation issues, another is representing himself in our, and finally a dad is struggling to support his daughter and missing her at the same time.
Table of Contents00:00 - Show Introduction
03:27 - Question - How long did it take to finalize your divorce
09:55 - Discussion - I had a viewer confused with someone else
12:18 - Caller - Dragged back in court, lies on top of lies
47:28 - Caller - Representing yourself - it can work
54:29 - Caller - Struggling with double binds and daughter
59:34 - End of show wrap up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Community Poll - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce/community/
In today’s show we have a recurring theme of how toxic narcissistic people follow very similar patterns. It is as if they ALL follow the same playbook - which they ultimately do. It is very important to look at the actions verses the words of the person. This also means it is very important to “listen to your gut” and watch and believe the warning signs when you see/hear them!
Table of Contents00:00 - Show Introduction
06:14 - Question - How the heck can you ignore your ex if she keeps pressing your buttons pretending her life is great while mine is in ruins
08:59 - Voicemail - Similarities and difference between cover narcissistic and regular divorces
18:18 - Reminder - DSD does have a Discord server
20:01 - Discussion - User poll on YouTube
23:23 - Discussion - Narcissistic people follow the same patterns no matter where in the world
26:22 - Caller - Using Our Family Wizard/Talking Parents
35:22 - Question - How to be sure we aren’t attracting a new narc?
39:42 - Caller - Ex wants to get back together
49:09 - Caller - Toxic friends, but they don’t get it
55:44 - Caller - What to expect in court with a covert narcissist
59:29 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Community Poll - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce/community/
Show NotesThe first week of the new show is complete! The show starts with a discussion from a viewer who’s ex is sending “friendly” emails and newsletters to their family trying to recruit them to their side. We also have a caller who is struggling with supervised visitations and the limitations of COVID-19 and a restraining order.
Table of Contents00:00 - Show Introduction
03:00 - Comment - Separated wife is sending friendly messages to family about what is going on and talking about how she needs things but the ex took extra stuff
24:23 - Caller - Family court and COVID-19 interfering with visitation
57:38 - End of show wrap-up
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Break The Cycle With DSD - Episode 40 - Narcissists can be dangerous | Live Call In ShowShow NotesWe received a voicemail where I viewer asked that we discuss how narcissists can be dangerous. Plus we have a call who wanted to share a hoover success story and how they were able to thwart it!
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Chapter Markers
- 00:00 - Start of show
04:47 - How dangerous can a narcissist be
14:09 - Caller - Not today Satan - a hoover success story
52:03 - End of show wrap up
Show NotesThere is a trend where people automatically jump to the conclusion that someone is toxic or a narcissist if they don’t agree with them. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean they are toxic. Sure it can mean that and depending on attitudes, behavior, etc it can be an indicator. But people can jump to this conclusion. The first part of the show starts with this topic and ends with a couple of callers.
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!* Alex Falconi The Proper Person - YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1fZ_IiAeIVmzSLh5MbJow * Interview with Alex - https://youtu.be/YFAosjc1480
Chapter Markers0:00:00 - Start of show
0:06:35 - Just because you disagree doesn’t make you a narcissist
0:38:31 - Caller - Divorced Papa - struggling with triggers and losing progress
0:42:25 - Caller - Realistic expectations of what is fair in court - caller is struggling to spend time with his son with no orders
0:53:05 - Caller - Representing yourself and keeping hope
1:05:45 - Show warp up
In today's show we talk about recognizing the successes that you have made. We also have two callers one is a return caller who updates on how things are going with her son being with their dad during coronavirus and another where a man is fighting for custody and time with his son.
This is the first show of a new daily series where you can start your morning off right and help you heal and grow from toxic relationships. In this episode we have three callers talking about their struggles with their relationships and a final caller who shares the success they've had in their own recovery!
It is important to remember and understand what a toxic narcissistic person is, what they typically do, and how they are going to react. This is important because it can help you keep in perspective the bizarre and potentially evil reactions and responses you might get from a toxic person. Coupled with this you need to write down and annotate what is truly important in your situation and what you are really going for. This could mean custody, or maybe money, retirement, assets, property, heirlooms, and then even special events and vacations. All of this information can help you stay focused on what you really want to accomplish and why your ex is responding or reacting the way they are.
Self validation is the foundation for your recovery from narcissistic abuse. There are people who will try to tear you down and will make you second guess yourself. It is critically important to that you are able to self-validation your experience and what you are dealing with.
We are joined today by Eric Carroll from Dad Talk Today talking about some exciting new opportunities for the Dad Talk Today show. Duane and Eric also talk about some of the key issues that people are dealing with over the holiday season.
We sat down with Kris Godinez from We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez. Kris is a licensed practicing therapist in Arizona, an author of two books, active YouTube personality with a weekly VideoCast, a sough-after lecturer and presenter, and has a unique style and humor to help her clients and audience recover and understand what they are going through.
Show SponsorThis episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis]
Links to find out more!* Kriz Godinez’s website - [https://krisgodinez.com/] * YouTube - [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHk\_36kn2zDnVL-d23tE6bg] * Facebook - [https://www.facebook.com/Weneedtotalkwithkrisgodinez]
Show NotesIntroduction to Kris Godinez00:00:10 - We sat down with Kris Godinez from We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez. Kris is a licensed practicing therapist in Arizona, an author of two books, active YouTube personality with a weekly VideoCast, a sough-after lecturer and presenter, and has a unique style and humor to help her clients and audience recover and understand what they are going through.
Going to therapy with a narcissist00:01:09 - Kris and Duane discuss the pitfalls of going to therapy with a narcissist. Kris talks about why you shouldn’t and Duane talks about why you might have too.
Trying to “fix” the marriage00:07:20 - What you can do if you feel you need to try to fix the marriage and some very critical issues you need to remember!
Options for free therapy to help00:08:26 - Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) that is available through most employers as a resource. If available you can get 6 counseling sessions for free
00:08:54 - Another option is to use the university programs where therapist are training under a licensed master level therapists to get free counseling
The role of a therapist vs life coach00:09:22 - Kris and Duane talk about the differences of a licensed therapist and a life coach.
Hiding from the issues and not doing the work00:14:15 - Hiding from the issue and not doing the work. This section covers dating too soon, when an ex lashes out because you are moving on, how being treated “good” can cause depression after abuse, working on “inner child work”, and sabotaging the “good stuff” when it doesn’t fit with our subconscious
How to find a good therapist00:18:48 - How do you find a good therapist! Duane talks about his personal experience with therapist and how lucky he was to find one who specialized in trauma recovery. Kris goes over the best way to find a good therapist and recommends staying away from a “humanist” therapist
Getting stuck in the validation stage00:23:22 - Duane and Kris discuss the importance of validation when trying to heal. Kris goes into how abuse manifest and the intermittent positive rewards they use to train their target which makes breaking free so difficult. You are NOT addicted to the abuse, but you’re addicting the intermittent positive rewards or the high
Tele-therapy and Better Help00:25:42 - They discuss the different methods of therapy and how important it is to work on yourself to heal. Kris talks bout the licensing requirement per state and how therapists can only treat clients/patients in the state they are licensed.
Using a “diagnosis” when you do not have one00:29:47 - Kris and Duane talk about the concerns and problems if you walk in talking about medical terms when you DO NOT have a clinical diagnosis mental disorder. Kris talks about the diagnosing requirements and how you can not do that unless you are treating the person individually. There are legal and ethical requirements. Using the terms and change the focus of the treatment plan. Focus on behaviors and not the “narcissistic abuse recovery” terms
Find a good attorney00:31:30 - Finding a good attorney that understand personality disorders and high conflict clients. Kris does into what you need to look for in an attorney. They both discuss the ways to communicate with a high conflict spouse/ex. Hybrid no contact and how we get provoked in to responding to their provocations
It’s a Hoover!00:37:43 - Kris talks about the different types of hoovers and how even a provocation argument can be one. What happens when you ignore a narcissist - they need the responses to feed their supply
The Dark Triad00:38:46 - Kris talks about The Dark Triad and what you need to do when you are dealing with one of these kind of toxic personalities. When you are being threatened seek an order of protection. They talk about how they will use information against you and how people will compartmentalizing and disassociate and survive.
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Dating too soon00:42:28 - When is the right time to date and when will you know it is time. Duane talks about his problems with dating too soon and the problems that can come up.
What do do when you have children00:45:32 - Duane and Kris talk about the issues of having children in this environment. They discuss the importance of validating the child’s experience to help them understand what is going on. Do not “bad mouth” the ex because the kids are half the other parent and they will internalize those comments. They discuss how to talk with your children about the issues to minimize the problems and recommend documenting EVERYTHING
Having boundaries with children00:48:49 - Kris and Duane discus how to set boundaries with children. They also talk bout the pitfalls of falling for traps. Duane talks about his real-world experience with doing this with his own children.
But I don’t have to at mommy/daddy’s house00:54:52 - Duane talks about his struggles with getting the kids to do things at his house that they didn’t have to do at mommy’s. One big issue was showering. He had to fight with his girls to get them to shower. During one of the physical appointments with the girls he even had to ask the doctor “how often should they shower”.
The importance of structure01:01:43 - Providing structure for your children. Kids do respond positively to structure but they will push your buttons to test how serious you really are. Boundaries say that you care - the parent that is sane has to draw boundaries but you have too. You have to be the “good and bad” cop otherwise you’ll undermine yourself and alienate the your children. Make sure you keep an open door so you have something that you can still do with your children. You have to have personal accountability and help them
The “drama triangle”01:05:43 - Kris discusses the “drama triangle” where there is a hero, villain and victim and they drive in drama and chaos. Duane talks about how he lets his ex think she is winning and that he is a bitter angry ex. Duane talks about the struggles of how this can wear you down and get to the point that you are just looking forward to all of this being over. Kris and Duane talk about how toxic parents, when they no longer have a use for a child, will “write them off”.
Emotional delayed children and young adults01:14:20 - Kris talks about how children of emotional abuse are emotionally delayed and do not possess the cognitive skills to function as a mature adult. They are going to need extra help and support to recover from these experiences. Most 18 year olds who are raised by narcissists are lost. It is important to get these children in therapy
When you are trying to work with a narcissist you have to be cautious about the battles to choose to engage with them. Oftentimes we think we understand their motivation and how they will respond. They tend to respond in ways we would never imagine. This video discusses that dilemma and the critical things you MUST think of before YOU act.
Going through narcissistic abuse can feel like you are just stuck on the marry go round of life. You feel trapped on the crazy train without any chance to get off on the next stop. These events are patterns that just keep repeating like the marry go round. What you will notice once you get off the crazy train is that these patterns repeat for both the narcissistic abuser as well as their targets. This video/podcast discuss this topic and different ways to break that cycle/patterns of abuse.
Making your narcissistic toxic ex feel the pain for what they have done! One of the struggles you endure after a toxic narcissistic abusive relationship is trying to make the ex feel the pain for what they have caused. The pull for this, to do something that makes you feel good in the moment is VERY strong. This video talks about that struggle and new ways to approach this to help YOU recover!
Duane discusses the difficult topic of when you feel like you’ve lost everything. This podcast was inspired by an email from a view who is going through a very difficult time. They have lost in family court, their evidence and arguments were not even heard, and they are trying to figure out their next course of action.
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * Alex Falconi The Proper Person - YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1fZ_IiAeIVmzSLh5MbJow * Interview with Alex - https://youtu.be/YFAosjc1480 * John Steinbeck Podcast - https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/podcast/002 * Brainwashing Children FaceBook - https://www.facebook.com/brainwashingchildren/
How this process can break you down 1:00 - The emotional turmoil and torture when going through family court with a narcissistic ex can really work to break you. This podcast is the result of an email I received from a viewer who is going through a very difficult time.
Learning about Family Court - Alex Falconi - The Proper Person 3:16 - We discuss the process of family court and the resources provided by Alex Falconi of The Proper Person and Our Nevada Judges. When things get very difficult going “pro se” is sometimes the right answer.
Refresher of John Steinbeck from Brainwashing Children 08:01 - A discussion of John Steinbeck’s work with his site Brainwashing Children and his story of dealing with and overcoming severe parental alienation
The closer you get to 50/50 the less they can leave 11:14 - Duane discusses his story and the advice of his attorney about preventing the ex from leaving the state. In simple terms, the closer you get to 50/50 the less likely they will be allowed to leave.
It’s the War not the battle 15:07 - The “War” analogy
Keeping yourself healthy and sane 16:36 - It is critically important to keep yourself sane, healthy and focused throughout this process. The next critically important thing is to maintain a connection and relationship with your child. If the relationship with your child has been destroyed then revert to keeping yourself healthy and sane.
It’s all about perspective 20:27 - Summing up the previous stories and discussing how perceptive and how you look at things is critical to helping you keep going and fighting
The difference with good and bad choices 21:54 - Duane discusses the story of an acquaintance who made a series of progressively bad choices that ultimately fundamentally alter the course of his life.
End of show wrap-up
In this episode of Break the Cycle with DSD we are joined with Chris Boutté from The Rewired Soul. Chris is an expert in addiction recovery and mental health. He joins us today to discuss how toxic relationship recovery can mirror addiction behaviors and some techniques that could be helpful.
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/therewiredsoul * Website - https://www.therewiredsoul.com/ * Twitter - http://twitter.com/TheRewiredSoul/ * Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therewiredsoul/
Introduction of Chris Boutté 1:20 - Chris Boutté is the creator of The Rewired Soul YouTube channel. Chris has 7 years of sobriety and has also worked at a drug and alcohol treatment facility.
Chris’ recovery process 1:57 - Chris discusses his recovery process and how addiction can span different areas from love, sex, drugs, and even codependency. He talks about the similarities of addiction within relationships and some of his past struggles. One of the issues he discusses is how our brains “minimizes the suffering” so that we think the experience wasn’t that bad.
The important of a support group and friends 07:07 - Chris talks about how important a good support group of friends who will be honest with you is really important. His mind would romanticized the experience and remember “those good time” but his friends would tell him the truth. They would remind him of all the crazy things that really happened. One of the things that really helped him the most was staying single for a really long time. He talked about the intense fear people can have of being along. The result is they will endure emotional and physical abuse because that fear of being alone is more scary than be in a toxic relationship. In addiction recovery they recommend you not date for at least a year. The number one thing anyone can learn to do is to be comfortable being alone. Duane and Chris also talk about the importance of boundaries and how this time with yourself can help you to build good, strong, healthy ones.
Advice on dealing with relationship addiction 11:30 - Chris offers some advice on how to deal when you are still bonded to your past relationship. He talks about how as humans we don’t like pain so we want to avoid physical and emotional pain. Chris reminds the listeners that a breakup is supposed to hurt. So oftentimes someone will avoid that pain by going back to that person to try and make the pain go away. Chris also talks about how meditation helped him process and truly feel his emotions. They also talk about how making deals with yourself to no use - or call - is a powerful tool to keep you on track.
Making Excuses to justify what you are doing 17:38 - Duane talks about his experience with making excuses to justify look for information about the ex. Chris talks about how he had to learn to be honest with himself. They both discuss how all this ever did was cause them both more pain instead of being helpful or moving them to something positive. Chris talks about book called “Lost Connections” by Johann Hari about depression and anxiety. In the book he talks about grief, where he says to want this feelings to go away it is disrespecting the feelings.
The pain can be the same no matter the duration 22:04 - Duane talks about the way people can feel the same type of pain no matter if it is a short term or multi-decade relationship. Chris talks about how when a person things their suffering is unique it can hold them back. It is important, and healing, for people to see the commonalities within each other’s stories. He talks about how, “this is not going to suck forever”.
Your brain loves to process in absolutes 25:40 - Chris talks about how our brain will process things in absolutes or never or forever . So it is very easy for one to get it not his “forever” mindset where they think what is happening right now will never change.
The struggles with No Contact 26:45 - Duane talks about the struggles of no contact and how people can “do it wrong” when they are trying to purge the ex, or toxic people, out of their lives. Chris discusses how this is similar to trying to stop using but having it all around you. He also talks about how doing that is just torturing yourself.
How to help you get the ex out of your head 29:36 - Chris talks about techniques to help you fight the urge to keep the ex in your head. He talks again how meditation can be extremely helpful to process the thoughts but to not obsessing about them. He again refers to the procrastination method is really helpful. But he also again talks about how it is important to have a support system and to do things. One technique that is helpful is to create a good schedule to keep you doing things besides binging on Netflix. You have to retrain yourself to do things independently or with different people.
Therapy can be extremely important 33:18 - Chris discusses how therapy can be extremely important to have someone who can help you identify problems and keep you on track. They can also give you an objective point of view of what has happened. In a lot of time in abusive relationships we make up these stories of how things are as compared to what they really were.
Creating an “ideals list” 37:04 - Chris talks about the benefit of having an “ideals list” and how it is important to shift the focus. When you focus on “red flags” then you can make excuses for other toxic behavior or even not recognize you are not receiving what you want from the relationship. It is important to know what qualities you want in a new relationship. We tend to set our bar so low and this is why it is important to stay single for a while to learn what we want.
End of show wrap-up 41:49 - End of show wrap up with the links for Chris Boutté accounts.
Mark Ludwig from the Americans for Equal Shared Parenting sits down with Duane to talk about his organizations efforts to bring the presumption of shared parenting to all 50 states and effect changes to Title IV-D. Mark has spent the last year meeting with state and federal legislatures as well as the executive branch to bring awareness to this problem.
CORRECTION - I incorrectly stated Title V where I should have stated Title IV-D
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!l * Website - Americans For Equal Shared Parenting * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/afesp5050/
- SSA Website on Title IV-D, Section 455 (Payments to States) - [https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/ssact/title04/0455.htm]
- [https://nationalparentsorganization.org/blog/20547-child-support-enforcement-and-the-social-security-act-title-iv-d-program]
- What is Title IV-D funding? From Mark Ludwig at AFESP: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22b3YeU6nnQ]
- How much states are profiting off Title IV-D money: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOPG2NK3MY8]
- An attorney in Illinois admits Title IV-D money is for the states, NOT for kids: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3w1jMUErpA]
- A very brief overview of how Title IV-D works: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVPPfMSPGAA&t=1s]
Introduction of Mark Ludwig 00:34 - Mark Ludwig from the Americans For Equal Shared Parenting joins the podcast today to discuss what he is doing to change the minds of federal and state legislatures in regards to child custody and the presumption of 50/50 share custody as the default when going into the family court system. Mark started the AFESP organization a bit over a year ago. He has leveraged his 30 years of political and legislative experience to champion this cause. He has two main goals. The first being the push for legislation for 50/50 shared custody right from the beginning. His second goal is to educate, enable, and empower other people to work this at their levels both state and federal.
How the presumption of 50/50 custody help? 05:37 - Duane and Mark discuss the nuances of how the family court system is abused and how changing the presumption of custody to “shared” 50/50 right from the start could positive effect the outcome and minimize high conflict divorces and custody battles. The current system encourages both parties to use the kids as pawns for money and control. The system has riled up both parties and has made things worse and created abuse where none previously existed. Mark also talks about the parents he’s talked to who have been able to make 50/50 work positively for them even though they were encouraged to fight for more custody from their attorney.
How is the message received by politicians 10:16 - Mark talks about some of his meetings with high level members of the executive branch to include the Office of the Vice President of the United States Mike Pence. The key is understanding how to reach people and now the process works. Mark also talks about the amount of people who are trying to connect with their elected officials and the care they must take to ensure they are meeting with vetting people. He also discusses the importance of building support on both sides of the isle. Mark indicated that he has created some support on the democrat side with La Shawn Ford from Chicago. It is very important for advocates for family court reform to reach the highest levels of each party as possible to effect change.
Parental Alienation and how people do not understand 17:57 - Duane and Mark talk about the nuances and complexity of people truly understanding this topic when they haven’t been through it. Most people just can not comprehend how bitter and nasty a person can be in a high conflict toxic divorce. Oftentimes when a person brings up parental alienation the person listen assumes you are being “nit picky” and blowing things out of proportions. Mark also talks about the effects of parental alienation and how it impacts young children.
The State Level Success Stories 28:31 - Mark talks about the successes they have had in Kentucky and the progress made in Missouri. Kentucky was the first state to pass a presumptive 50/50 custody but an amendment was added on that the law doesn’t count if they are any current or pending orders of protection which still opens the door for procedural abuse by false allegations. Even with this concern Mark indicated this is a good bill for 80% of people and it shows the family court judges what their direction is. There currently are dual bills in the Missouri state legislature which a good chance for success this year. South Carolina is also working on a bill and it has been submitted to legislative research.
Abuse of Domestic Violence Allegations in Family Court 32:47 - Mark and Duane discuss the issue of false domestic violence claims in family court. Oftentimes accusations are made after the divorce has been filed. Duane talks about a conversation he had with his own brother who is Deputy Sheriff who told him their procedures for abuse allegations is to take someone to jail. This means the system can be abused and then an individual is fighting both a criminal and family court issue simultaneously.
How is 2019 looking for AFESP 36:13 - Mark talks about their plans for 2019 and what they hope to accomplish. He feels as they are gaining ground and there has been a shift from public protest at local court house toward making fundamental legislative changes. He also discusses the problem of the “angry dad” image and how it undermines the argument for change. The message can be corrupted and/or lost when individuals and small groups approach this the wrong way. Mark has said in some states even mentioning “Father’s Rights” will shut down any discussion because the image is so toxic. They also discuss the phenomenon of more women becoming targets of the family court system where they are paying support and loosing custody and how that is opening people’s eyes that this is truly a gender neutral issue. Mark also talks of the importance of a collation of fathers and mothers to effect change on this issue and to counter the divide that the opposition to shared parenting is trying to create.
Title IV-D Reform and how it effects family court and enforcement 42:11 - Mark talks about the two main problems within the family court system. The first is the amount of money that can be made in family law. The adversarial nature of “winner take all” in family court encourages lawyers and clients to fight everything they possibly can. This generates and enormous amount of billable hours for the attorneys. The big problem, according to Mark, is the federal incentive money. The program start with a good intent back in the 1970s in a time where most, if not all, mothers did not work and were stay-at-home. This system recognized a problem where these mothers ended up on welfare because the fathers, of that time, oftentimes would not pay to support their children. In 1997/8 the system was changed and everyone was included in the system instead of just the people who were on welfare. The program provides $0.66 on the dollar for enforcement of child support collection. Mark clarifies that this isn’t on the exact amount collect but instead is on the money spent to enforce the collection. The result is these state programs have a vested interest in increasing collection and staff to support it. Mark also unravels the other issue where states get access to another federal pot of funding of $5.5B depending on the amount of money they do collect from parents. This creates an issue where the counties/states will focus on easy targets such as middle class families where they have consistent employment and higher child support amounts so they can show a higher collection success rate.
End of show wrap-up 51:21 - Duane and Mark close out the podcast and provide links for where people can learn more about Americans For Equal Shared Parenting and other ways they can have use their own unique skill sets to effect change. Mark also talks about big convention in June 28th and 29th in Washington D.C. where he is pulling together state leaders from all across the country to help them implement change throughout the states.
This episode discussions Duane’s path through the darkness and his journey of healing and recovery. He also discusses the 4 pillars of support that he personally utilized to help him through this.
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!l * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Narc Abuse Recovery Playlist - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_m6CcV-0KF7elaJIDdEcSdSVPumeBcbS
Table of Contents The Path Through The Darkness 00:48 - Revisiting Duane’s journey through this very difficult time in his life and the journey through recovery. He introduces the concept of pillars of support that helped him throughout this process.
- Very difficult journey
- overwhelming most of the time
Denial Of The Facts and Realities 02:47 - There is a period of time where we are in denial of the facts and reality of what we are going through. You will want to ignore those realities that are right in front of your face and you can convince yourself that you are healed and have recovered from this.
- A period of time where I ignored what was going on
- I thought I was “over-it”
- Lied to myself and others
Recognizing You Are Still Stuck 07:36 - Recognizing that you are still stuck and that triggers will cause an emotional flashback and response.
- Triggers are a huge part of this
- Flash of anger by either the ex or external stimulius
- Just can’t get them out of your mind
First Pillar of Support - Professional Therapist 09:53 - The first “Pillar of Support” is that of a professionally licensed therapist. A skilled therapist knowledgeable in emotional abusive relationships and have an understanding of cluster b personality types. Targets of emotional abuse typically come across as emotionally unhinged, paranoid, and stressed which can lead an unskilled therapist down a modality that isn’t appropriate for your experience. Bottom line ensure you vet any support that you utilize it.
Second Pillar of Support - Homework, books, etc 15:25 - The second pillar of support is requesting homework and book recommendations from your therapist. You want to spent the time between sessions continuing to work on your healing. Waiting until your next session to talk or work on things is just going to delay your process and journey.
Third Pillar of Support - YouTube Videos and Online Resources 17:24 - The third pillar of support is the only community and things such as YouTube videos. After that initial realization and a few google searches on “narcissistic personality disorder” a handful of resources came up. The first was a blog by Zari Ballard The Narcissistic Personality and her book When Love Is A Lie. The second resource was Richard Grannon and his YouTube Channel The Spartan Lifecoach. Those resources both helped keep me focused and were a significant reality check that kept me on-track until the next therapy session.
Fourth Pillar of Support - Hypnosis Download files 26:37 - The Fourth Pillar of Support is hypnosis. The idea of using hypnosis was a stretch for Duane to even consider. This is not something he would have ever considered in the past. The catalyst for this was when a friend recognized and commented that he should try something different because he just wasn’t making progress and was stuck. When Duane started using the files it was a daily process that consisted of using the files multiple times a day.
Note: Hypnosis Downloads is a sponsor of the show and if you purchase any of their files when you use the links provide there will be a “kick-back” that will be provided to DSD and The Podcast. This is something that Duane has personality utilized and it was helpful in his path to recovery.
https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Fundamental Truths of Healing 32:36 - The fundamental truths of healing from emotional narcissistic abuse. The main truth that people need to realize is that healing from this type of abuse is really hard work and takes a significant amount of people. Most people just do not understand what you are going through. This also includes some professional therapists. Although their intentions are good their advice and “support” can be counter productive and can re-traumatize you.
It Is All About Perspective 37:51 - It all boils down to perspective. The biggest single thing that will change throughout this process is your perspective. This is a simple concept but it is very difficult to work your way through. You will begin to realize and see everyone’s part in this process, including your own. Most of the time you will also begin to see the root cause of your issues result for early childhood trauma. Working through these initial wounds will play a critical role in your recovery and healing.
Single Greatest Gift From This 39:02 - Duane expresses how this may be an odd concept to consider when healing from this but there is a “gift” from this emotionally traumatic experience. The main thing you will learn from this is how important self-validation is. When you require external validation from either a spouse, boss, work or any other external source it really sets you up for abuse. Learning to validate yourself will enable you to create strong and healthy boundaries which is the key ingredient to keeping toxic people out of your life.
Wrap-up 44:05 - End of show wrap-up
Ruminating about the narcissist is a common issue that most narcissistic abuse survivors go through. It is a very difficult issue to tackle and the toxic narcissistic ex doesn’t make it any easier with some very standard tactics. First they will use a variety of “techniques” to keep them in the forefront of your mind. This includes holding on to personal belongings, sending unwanted things over (such as food, or some trinket that doesn’t matter), and the all too common hoover.
Links to find out more!l * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Narc Abuse Recovery Playlist - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_m6CcV-0KF7elaJIDdEcSdSVPumeBcbS
Table of Contents Ruminating about the narcissist Tactics they use to keep you thinking about them 01:04 - There are many tactics a toxic narcissistic ex will use to keep you on their mind. Typically in a breakup, separation or divorce you leave without taking all of your items. Or if they left they may have taken some things. Bottom line it is a link aback to them that keeps them there. They also will do things such as sending over food or other items to trigger those memories of past times together. Finally the oftentimes will utilize the hoover to keep them on your mind.
Why do they do this 05:47 - This is all about power and control. They want to keep you thinking and ruminating about them. Oftentimes they also want to keep you on the hook as a second, or backup, source of supply.
What can you do about it 13:33 - There is a methodical way that you can start to purge them out of your mind. The may thing is you have to stop engaging with them. The Mindset for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery playlist is also a great resource to help you recover from this.
Wrap-Up 25:10 - End of podcast wrap-up
This episode discusses some excite news for the YouTube Channel and PodCast. This is followed up with the topic of dealing with triggers from your ex. This can be very complicated and Duane shares some ideas he used to help himself through his own personal troubling times.
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * Episode Sponsor - Hypnosis Downloads * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Welcome Back to the Podcast 00:33 - Duane catches you up on some interesting things that are going on in his life and with the channel. In the last week he has attended his orientation and walk-through to “unlock” YouTube Spaces in Los Angeles. He is also heading back down to YouTube Spaces Los Angeles to attended a “Production Fundamentals” class.
Dealing with Triggers from your Ex 05:08 - The main topic of this podcast is dealing with triggers from your ex. Duane covers some of the common triggers people experience early on such as seeing a similar vehicle, hearing a certain song, or even locations. Although these experiences are painful they do tend to go away with time. He does share an issue that he does still deal with and that is when children are the target of emotional abuse.
Finding ways to help your children 08:45 - You have to be very cautious what you say to your children especially if they are minors. When you have minor children it is much better to have a professional therapist who understands high conflict toxic people and cluster b personality disorders. You have to be very careful how you interact with your children and what you say. At the end of the day they have to realize on their own what they need to do. We can not make the decisions for them.
Keep things simple and don’t complicate your life 18:36 - One of the key things you have to recognize is keeping your environment calm and stable. Although this is a very simple concept it is much more difficult to put into practice. This is very important though because it can significantly help mitigation a lot of the provocations your ex will inevitable try to do to complicate and stressful your life
Wrap-up 26:10 - End of show wrap-up
Shannon McComas is the host of Ask The Young One, a Narcissistic Personality Disorder Coach/Transformation Coach and runs the website Create Higher Vibrations. In this podcast I talk with Shannon about his journey, how he’s regained his life, and what he’s doing to help others heal from these traumatic experiences.
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - Ask The Young One * Website - http://www.createhighervibrations.com/ * FaceBook - http://www.facebook.com/createhighervibrations * Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/createhighervibrations * Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/asktheyoungone
Debbie Mirza is the author of Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist and Safest Place Possible and is also a Restorative Coach. In this episode she joins us to talk about her new audio version of your Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist book and to announce a new healing course that is releasing the same day as this podcast.
Show Notes Debbie Mirza is the author of Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist and is helping shed knowledge on a subject that is just now starting to get the attention it deserves. Debbie is a deeply spiritual person and felt she was drawn to write this book to help others struggling with covert narcissistic abuse. She is also a singer and a restorative coach.
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - Debbie Mirza * Website - http://www.debbiemirza.com * Book - The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist * Book - The Safest Place Possible * Workbook - The Safest Place Possible WorkBook * Online Course - Healing and Clarity after Narcissistic Abuse
Table of Contents Debbie Mirza - Author & Restorative Coach 00:32 - Debbie was kind enough to join us today to talk about her new book and talk about her journey through recovering from covert narcissistic abuse.
Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist Audio Book 01:03 - We discuss Debbie’s new audio version of her Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist Audio Book
Safest Place Possible 04:18 - Debbie talks about her first book, The Safest Place Possible, and how it came about.
The Role Therapists Play 11:14 - Debbie and Duane discuss the role therapists play in narcissistic abuse recovery and how there is a lack of training and awareness of this problem in the professional community.
Debbie Announces her new course 20:04 - Debbie announces and talks about her new course “Healing and Clarity”.
End of Show Wrap Up 44:19 - End of show Wrap Up
There are times when you just can not get away from your ex. I received an email from a listener/viewer asking for help on his particular situation. He is in his third year of university and has recently broken up with his live-in girlfriend. They are in the same school and run in the same friend circle. The viewer is doing better but every time he runs into his ex or has a friend bring her up in conversation it takes him back down.
Links to find out more! * Episode Sponsor - Hypnosis Downloads * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Introduction to the podcast 00:34 - This podcast started out as a video response to a subscriber email. The video end up being over 30 minutes so I’ve decide to convert it into a podcast instead.
Stuck surround by ex 01:20 - I read through the email. The user is not a dad or going through a divorce. Although he is not the target demographic for the channel the information is still relevant.
People generally pick sides 06:00 - People generally pick sides. Although they may be friendly with both once the “battle” starts people pick their loyalties. This can also be difficult because if you a “couple” one may side with the stronger “story” to save their relationship at the cost of yours.
Taking up your mental energy 11:31 - The viewer writes about how this is taking a lot of his mental energy and to cope he is becoming a bit of a recluse to stay away from the constant reminders
Seek out friends who are not tainted 17:59 - If possible seek out friends who have not been tainted by this experience. You still must be careful what you say to any mutual friends but you may be able to salvage some relationships.
Coming to grips with what has been lost 23:56 - It is really difficult when you have constant reminders of things lost. Coming to grips with that loss and being able to make your peace with it can go a long way to making things more bearable. You have to give yourself time to heal so if being around any reminder is too much then weigh that cost with not being around other people. It can take a while to make your peace but it can also start to empower you when you realize their emotional control over you starts to dissipate.
End of show wrap-up 33:24 - End of show wrap up
The need for validation is a critical step in the healing process from narcissistic emotional abuse. This is a step/trap that many get stuck into because it is difficult to believe what you have been through and what is happening. Although it is a very important step it is also one that a person does not want to be trapped in for too long. When you are stuck in the “validation” phase you are unable to move forward.
Links to find out more! * Episode Sponsor - Hypnosis Downloads * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents The need for validation 00:35 - A critical step in your healing process is the need for validation. Typically in these type of relationships you do not get closure and you need validation to prove to yourself that your experience was real.
Talking to ANYONE who will listen 02:40 - One of the typically steps that a person will take to achieve validation is talking to anyone and everyone that will listen. This will typically start with family and friends but can quickly grow to co-workers, associates, and random people that you run into. Effectively you are talking to anyone who you can tell your story to and get a response to validate that the experience is bad.
Just can’t believe it’s real 04:40 - A huge factor in this need for validation is that you just can’t not believe your experience is real or you think your reaction to it might be wrong. So you tell your story in a hope to get a response that validates your experience. This can also be that you are trying to get people to tell you that you are “blowing things out of proportion” and invalidating your experience.
Stuck in an infinite “do-loop” 07:14 - When you are in this validation mode it can manifest itself as a computer infinite “do-loop” where you keep going in circles. It is as if the command is talk to everyone UNTIL you get believe your validation. In this mode you keep going on and on because you just can not believe it.
You have to find your safe haven 09:48 - It is really important to find a safe place to share your experience with people. If you can find really good friends that is wonderful. However you are much better served if you can find a community that truly understands what you are going through.
There will come a time when you STOP 14:02 - There will come a time in your healing when you will stop yourself from talking about this. When you catch yourself and can make that decision to “not go there” you will know that you are truly starting to heal from this.
Wrap up 17:05 - Wrap up the validation topic
This episode discusses the different ways you can use your experience to effect positive change. This can be something as detailed as a YouTube Channel or Podcast or even just being available when a friend is struggling with this experience in their own lives.
Links to find out more! * Episode Sponsor - Hypnosis Downloads * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * CNN Lisa Ling Documentary - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITN0ABmtck4 * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Different ways you can help 00:35 - There are many different ways a person can help others going through this experience. It is really difficult to think about being at that stage when you are starting out but it is important to think and know this can be a positive event for change.
Catching People Early 03:07 - One of the really import ways to help is to catch a person when they are early in this process. One of the reason Duane was able to do as well in his divorce is that he understand fundamentally how toxic a divorce can be. That knowledge enabled him to make decisions and take steps to ensure his relationship with his children wasn’t completely destroyed. That is one of the huge ways he believes he has helped.
Dr. Carlos from CNN Documentary 04:33 - In the recent CNN Documentary Lisa Ling interview Dr. Carlos who’s story is very common. He went through a divorce, agreed to support at the hight of his career, and then everything fell apart. He has spent a handful of times in jail now from arrears and has now completely lost his medical practice. Even with loosing everything and being estranged from his children he is doing his best to try and make a positive difference and to help others going through similar experiences
So what can you do to help 08:15 - There are many ways you can help. But Duane offers the opinion that if you feel you have to walk away and focus on your own life that is okay and you should not feel guilt for making that decision. He does ask that you remain available to others so that you might be that one-on-one lifeline for someone else going through this. There are others who remain connected with their support communities to provide an example and extra support for others. Bottom line there are may different ways to offer help and you have to find what is right for you.
No being alone 11:13 - No matter what way you decide to help being able to show another person who is going through this that they are not alone is key. One of the most difficult aspects of these experiences is the isolation you feel. Having a life-line with another person who truly understands is very critical.
End of show wrap-up 15:13 - End of show wrap up
In this episode Duane discusses his own personal struggle with depression. His story starts with a difficult family life which prepared him for his toxic marriage to his ex wife. Throughout his life he always thought he would struggle with depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until he really started working on healing himself that things started to change.
Links to find out more! * Episode Sponsor - Hypnosis Downloads * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Duane’s Story With Depression 00:35 - In this episode Duane discusses his own personal struggle with depression. His story starts with a difficult family life which prepared him for his toxic marriage to his ex wife. Throughout his life he always thought he would struggle with depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until he really started working on healing himself that things started to change.
He struggled with this all of his life 00:57 - In this segment Duane talks about his lifetime struggle with depression and anxiety. He didn’t really understand where these emotions were coming from and it was a constant struggle to maintain a positive outlook with all of the stress, anxiety, and depression he was struggling with.
Duane’s Trouble Home Life 02:09 - Duane had a very stereotypical family for people in our situations. He didn’t feel loved by either parent. Around the age of 10 his parents went through a very nasty toxic narcissistic divorce. He was alienated from his father and his relationship with his brother was severely strained. Duane “chose” to stay with his mother and he felt obligated to not leave her through her guilt and manipulation. Throughout all of this he was starved for love and attention.
Married at 19 years old 05:41 - As is typical of people from troubled backgrounds he quickly married at age 19. He fell for the illusion and love bombing and felt that he found his “soul mate”. But things quickly deteriorated and the cycle of emotional abuse that started with his mother continued in married life. This also maintain the constant feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression.
Long Term Depression 07:25 - Duane discusses the fact that he struggled with depression for over 40 years of his life. He lived with this “feel” for nearly his entire life. It felt as if this would never end or leave him. Throughout this he developed his own flawed coping mechanisms to deal with the constant pain. Unfortunately he was not emotionally in a space to seek professional help. Work concerns with his military career and the stigma associated with mental health kept him isolated within himself trying to cope and deal this these emotions. Duane strongly encourages anyone struggling with constant and long term depression to seek professional help. He says you own it to yourself to find the support you need to recover from this.
How is he now? 12:39 - Duane felt that he would live with these emotions for the rest of his life. He still has “bad days” but they are no where near what it was life before. Now he feels optimistic about the future and each day feels much better. He stresses that his story may be different from others but he shares that he never thought he would get to this point.
Building your support system 17:05 - Building your support system is incredibly important. Professional therapists are key but surrounding yourself with quality people is equally important. Duane comments that you are the culmination of the 5 main people you surround yourself with. If those “slots” are not filled with the best-people-possible you owe it to yourself to find other people.
When things start to get better 21:17 - One thing that Duane mentions that does occur, especially if you haven’t exercised proper self care, is once things calm down things can feel worse. Oftentimes our bodies can handle the stress while it is an immediate concern. This changes once things “calm down”. You can experience a flood of emotions that you were suppressing and other medical concerns can creep up.
End of show wrap up 23:01 - We wrap up this show and again Duane encourages you to seek help from a professional if you are struggling with long term depression
Toxic narcissistic ex spouses tend use use children as pawns and put them in the middle of everything. This creates a double bind / no win scenario that makes our lives very complicated and difficult. In this podcast Duane talks about his personal experience with this and a story shared by one of the DSD Discord users. His hope is this podcast will give you some new ways to look at the situation and ways to make the best decisions for your specific situation.
Links to find out more! * Episode Sponsor - Hypnosis Downloads * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Yeah We Made It To Summer! - https://youtu.be/I-ghl-cZegM * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Kids used as pawns 00:50 - Duane talks about his personal experience with how his children has been used as pawns during his divorce. He shares the experience where this happened with his ex and his middle daughter. A dear friend was visiting from out of state and it just so happened that it was scheduled right in the middle of his vacation time. He also brings up a comment from the DSD Discord server where a parent was struggling with a schedule pre-paid trip which now conflicts with their son’s all-star game.
Your kids are in the middle 08:17 - Bottom line our children are right in the middle of these problems and you can count on a toxic narcissistic parent to place them there. We see what is going on but our children do not see it the same way. Our children want to love both parents snd that is what they focus on. They do not see the manipulation they see an opportunity to have a special memorable time with the other parent. Unfortunately this manipulation by the other parent is seen as love and attention from that same parent.
No win scenario / double bind 10:46 - There are no ”wins” in this situations. We are stuck with double binds and no-win scenarios. Again you understand that your ex is using your child as a pawn. The bind is this, if we say “no” to our children then we “hurt” them. If we give in and say “yes” then our toxic narcissistic exes win. Bottom line there are no wins in this situation and we end up having to make the best of a bad situation.
Focusing on your child 14:14 - Focusing on what is “best” for our children really is the key that can help guide you to make the best decision you can. We really have to understand on “how” this is going to effect our children. Typically, as in these examples, it is going to be something special that our children are really looking forward to or have waited for. As a result of this we really have to take a pause and look at how important this event really is to them. Then, as mentioned previously, you have to really determine the impact if we say “no”.
Best decision for bad situation 18:57 - Duane talks about how complicated this is and how difficult it is to really make the best decision for these negative situations. In the end you have to make the best decision that you can live with. But this also means you need to understand the potential for falling into a trap. Duane talks about how you have to look objectively at the situation and realize that the typical tactic of a toxic narcissistic ex is to put you into a situation for your decision to damage your relationship with your child. It is really important to understand this and realize a “bad decision” could effectively set the stage for you to alienate your child against you. In the end sometimes saying yes is our best choice no matter how difficult that choice may be.
End of show wrap-up 36:42 - Duane wraps up the show and invites you to find the show notes for the podcast with all the links discussed. He also recommends visiting the podcast sponsor Hypnosis Downloads.
Show Notes When you are in the midst of emotional and psychological abuse you will often feel trapped. There are many different reasons and excuses to stay in the relationship or situation. This episode goes into some of those reasons that may make you feel trapped. In the end you have to make the best decisions for you and within your own personal timeline.
Links to find out more! * Episode Sponsor - Hypnosis Downloads * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Feeling Trapped And Excuses 00:50 - When you are in the midst of emotional and psychological abuse you will often feel trapped. There are many different reasons and excuses to stay in the relationship or situation. This episode goes into some of those reasons that may make you feel trapped. In the end you have to make the best decisions for you and within your own personal timeline.
Don’t beat yourself up 01:28 - The first thing you need to remember and understand is to not beat yourself up. Everyone is on their own personal timeline. Everyone has their own personal story and experiences that have led them to this situation. What maybe easy for you could be difficult for someone else. Conversely what could be easy for someone else could be extremely difficult for you! Bottom line it is just very difficult to see the reality of your particular story.
Duane’s Story and Context 02:58 - Duane offers up his story to provide some context in he felt trapped and the excuses that he made throughout his marriage. First, you have to understand that his marriage lasted 21 years. It took him 21 years to final see the reality of his personal situation. On top of that the courtship for was very short. Duane went on his first date with his ex and within three months they decided to get married and he went into the Air Force. Even with basic training they were married within a few short months of dating. He discusses the many red flags that he saw during that time that he ignored. You have to realize there are many factors that combine together to enable these situations to go on unchecked. In the end we all did the best we could with the information and knowledge that he had.
When you feel trapped 09:35 - There are so many different reasons to feel trapped in the toxic narcissistic relationship that you find yourself in. Fear is a huge part of this reason for feeling trapped. It is completely understandable because the stress and anxiety you find yourself in case be overwhelming. Money and the idea of trying to support yourself and your ex on limited funds can be a difficult hurdle to overcome. Some people are also very concerned about how others will look at them with a “failed” relationship or marriage. One of the major things that kept Duane trapped was the question, “Will it be worse than it is right now”. The other issue is you tend to start to feel “comfortable” with the chaos.
Slowly eating your soul and will to continue 15:16 - The important thing you need to realize, this experience will slow eat your soul and will to continue. It is also important to remember this process takes time for their mask and facade to drop. This experience can and will cause severe depression. As a result of this constant emotional torture you can loose your motivation to do and accomplish anything. Even with this Duane was able to perform at work but the constant emotional pressure had an effect on every aspect of his life. You have to understand even if you feel “comfortable” in these situation they can and will slowly destroy you.
Making “YOUR” decisions 21:46 - At the end of the day you have to make the right decision for you. You have to be okay with the decision that YOU are going to make. No one can tell you what to do. Sure people can offer ideas, thoughts, and opinions but ultimately it’s your decision. Before you can make a decision it has to feel right for you. There is nothing anyone can say to push you along and you can only do it when it’s the right decision for you. As Duane mentioned before it took him 21 years before he could make a decision for change. Even then, when he made that decision, it was very difficult and not easy to do.
End of show wrap-up 30:58 - End of show, please check out the show sponsor Hypnosis Downloads.
Catastrophic Thinking can be a huge battle when you are healing from toxic emotional narcissistic abuse. This battle can be much more difficult when you are struggling with external forces such as heath, finances, legal issues and many other stressors. In this podcast Duane discusses some techniques he has used to help him battle catastrophic thinking.
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Referenced Video - Proving to yourself they are a narcissist * Referenced Playlist - Mindset for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Recovering from a tough week 00:32 - Duane reflects on the past week and how when you are worn down and not feeling well it can negatively effect your mental health. This was the case for Duane when he threw his back out on his trip to visit Debby for the long weekend. When you are caught in these “bad times” it can, even if a lot of positive things are going on, you can feel like everything is bad.
Getting into that catastrophic mindset 04:10 - It is really easy to get into that catastrophic mindset when things feel like they are not going well. You will focus on the negative and ignore or downplaying anything that is positive in your life. Duane was really struggling thinking that he was wasting his time on all of these projects. In the video I made around the time of this podcast called “Proving to yourself they are a narcissist” the fundamental truth is the answers really are simple. It is so easy to allow ourselves to be corrupted by what is going on in your life.
Typically something else is going on 07:35 - Typically some external factor is going on that is causing the catastrophic thinking. Duane has had conversations with people in the past and with a few simple question it because obvious that something else is going on. A lot of the time it’s a lack of sleep from overwork, or money problems, or they are sick. But when you see someone take a backslide in their recovery generally there is something that is wearing them down. The key point a person needs to remember is that this moment in time is not going to be your forever.
Feeling better then things get back on track 11:28 - Duane’s experience has been that when things get back on track, when you get some rest, that catastrophic thinking starts to stop. This is much more complicated in the beginning stages when you are in this constant state of despair. Even through this you start to learn new skills and your perspective will start to change.
How do things get better? 12:29 - Duane’s biggest question was how are things going to get better? The huge hurdle for most people going through this is the “how”. People can say to you, “Things will get better with time” but without the HOW it is really hard to believe. The first phase of the “how” for Duane was learning about toxic behaviors and the “why” for why they do the things that they do. When you realize their “why” is for manipulation and control.
How does this help during bad times? 15:34 - The question is how does this knowledge help during the bad times we will go through? The first part is being able to recognize what is going on. This means being able to see that you are having a “bad episode” so you can stop the catastrophic thinking. This provides you the opportunity “slowly” refrain your thinking and to put the current situation in perspective.
Six years ago things looked catastrophic 18:26 - Duane reflects back on six years ago when this started and everything just looked catastrophic. It is hard for him to believe that he has arrived at this point in his life and that catastrophic view of life didn’t materialize. However, Duane does reflex on the reality that had he stayed angry and bitter this would have corrupted every aspect of his life. You come to a point where you have to let go of your past life and embrace the new life going forward. That is the key to enabling your healing and helping you to change your perspective.
When you start to let go 21:21 - When you start to let go of the pain and bitterness associated with your ex and the way your life used to be you can really start to heal. For Duane he just got so tired of having the ex in his head and unable to think about a life without the hurt. Once he started to “let go” everything started to get better and the hold the toxic person had over him started to fall away.
This isn’t easy 23:54 - Going through this isn’t easy - it is really difficult and it is a tremendous struggle to break free from this attachment. It takes a lot of work to retrain your mind and brain to think differently. This is why I have the playlist “Mindset for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery” to help build that foundation to get you heading in the right direction.
Gratitude journals are very important 28:55 - Having a way to remind yourself of what is good in your life is extremely helpful. That is why a gratitude journals are so very important to help you when going through this. It is so easy to focus on the negative and the bad where all of the good in your life is just overshadowed.
This has transformed my life 30:16 - Duane reflects back on how all of this has transformed his life. His hope is that his experience can provide some hope and a glimmer of possibility for you to have a similar transformation in your life.
Closure is difficult to find in a toxic narcissistic relationship. As soon as you are discard and there is no reason to continue to the manipulation it will happen in an instant. This makes finding closure impossible to get from your ex. In this episode we talk about the struggles of finding closures and some tips and techniques that might help you find it within yourself.
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Looking for closure introduction 00:52 - Finding closure with a toxic ex is extremely difficult. In this episode we talk about the struggles that everyone has when trying to navigate their way through this process.
The Discard 02:26 - The traditional discard, when your ex find someone to replace you and no longer “needs” you. The difficult part about the discard is in an instant you are treated as if you never existed. A narcissistic toxic person is able to ”flip that switch” and turn off all emotions. This is because those emotions were never genuine nor real and it was all part of their act to tell you want you wanted to hear and believe.
Closure in a “normal” relationship 06:34 - In a “normal” relationship there is a real genuine connection. Even if you decide to go in different direction you can have a conversation and provide each other with closure. This can be even more difficult if you have experienced this in the past because it will feel even more foreign when you are with a toxic narcissistic personality type.
The differences with how you are raised 09:03 - If you grow up with good boundaries then you will more than likely realize there is something wrong with in the relationship early on. When that happens, and you’ve grown up with a healthy family, you will typically act on this rather quickly. This means you will end the relationship sooner. However, if you were raised with unhealthy boundaries and examples then it make take a significant amount of time to realize there is something wrong. When you do not have healthy boundaries then the chaos and turmoil can feel “comfortable”.
Finding Closure 11:34 - When you are dealing with a toxic ex you will not get that closure because of what the relationship is. This is very difficult because we do not get time to process the grief and find out closure. Typically in a toxic narcissistic relationship as soon as you are discarded the smear campaign and narcissistic rage begins. When this occurs you are in a fight for your life and in some cases freedom so you do not have time to grieve the relationship. Remember they have their own agenda they are pursing and “making nice” doesn’t fit their narrative.
When they don’t need anything from you anymore 15:10 - Once you are discarded and they realize they no longer need anything from you anymore then everything is set in motion to prove their victim narrative. At this stage of the process they are focused on getting “everything” they can from you. This can be money, support, assets, and finally time and control of the children. The sad fact of family court is that time equals money and control. This dynamic sets up a paradigm where it is in the narcissistic exes best interest to destroy you and have you focused on defending yourself, reputation and potentially your freedom. They accomplish this in one of two ways. The first is to beat you down so you just give up or in. The second is to attack so you are defending yourself and are not prioritizing the family court case because it is secondary to criminal court and/or trying to keep your career.
Interrupted Closure 17:39 - When you are working to defending yourself and/or fighting for your children closure will be interrupted. This is what happened in Duane’s situation where the grieving process stopped because he was finding in family court. When you are being attacked like this and smeared you are completely shell shocked and unable to think about anything other than trying to get through the immediate crisis at hand.
They truly do not care about you 19:57 - The sad truth about these type of relationships is they do not care about you. You literally mean nothing to them. This is very difficult to process because typically they still mean something to you. You still worry about them and you still care about them. So, when they demonstrate with their actions and words that your well-being means nothing to them it is really hard to process and accept.
The danger when they need nothing from you 21:39 - When you are dealing with someone like this, if they do not need anything from you be extremely careful. If they do not need you employees or out of jail then a toxic narcissistic ex will employ anything they can to destroy your career or create false criminal allegations. If they are able to do this then you will be busy fighting for your survival and, in their mind (and family court reality), it gives them the advantage. This also complicates things with other people because typically no one would ever imagine someone would make something like this up.
Starting to find answers 25:28 - Duane brings this around full circle and talks about how he started to find closure through this process and some of the mistakes he made along the way. The thing that really started to help Duane was when his therapist brought up the potential of narcissistic personality disorder. When that was suggested and he started researching the lightbulb went off. Now this didn’t mean everything was wonderful immediately, no a lot of healing was still required, but that is when he started to find closure for himself.
Finding closuring within yourself 31:59 - As previously said when you are dealing with a toxic ex you are never going to find closure through them. You are going to have to find closure within yourself. In Duane’s story this was by learning about narcissistic personality disorder, continued work with his therapist, reading books, and following blogs and YouTube channels. This knowledge helped him to finally start to understand what he was dealing with. Even with this newfound knowledge it still took a long time to start to heal and to process everything that has occurred. In essence, it still took a long time to ultimately find closure.
End of show wrap-up 39:22 - End of show wrap-up and a discussion about the amount of time it really takes to heal from all of this and to ultimately find closure
Stipulations, or agreements in family court, are very important. This is even more critical when you are in a toxic divorce, or suspected toxic divorce. You need to ensure you capture your critical points because you will be living with this agreement for years to come. In this episode we discuss some of the pitfalls of any agreements with a toxic ex..
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Court Order plan -
Table of Contents The pitfalls of stipulations in family court 00:52 - An introduction to stipulations in family court and the pitfalls of the entire family court process. Typically a stipulation or stipulated agreement is when both parties agree on some facts or process going forward. This is very complicated when you are dealing with a toxic ex. Unfortunately in a toxic divorce these plans are not generally followed and your ex will do everything in their power to push your buttons.
What is really important to you? 03:19 - The key is to figure out what is really important to you. You have to think long and hard about those key points and make sure they are appropriately documented in your court order. So make a list of anything that is important to you. Things such as holidays, religious events, special events, mothers’ or father’s day, or anything else hat tis important to you.
You may have to take them back to court 07:25 - The main advantage to having everything that is important to you documented is if you have to go back to court. You will be in a much better position if your stipulated agreement has details that you can point too. You do have to be careful that you too can follow the “rules” of the agreement. This agreement is the framework for all your future communications. A well written and annotated agreement will potentially minimize future conflict and gaslighting.
The first Christmas with the ex 09:22 - The first Christmas the ex had with the kids it was a nightmare. She unilaterally decided that she was going to take the kids out of state. Our court order was written that the parent who didn’t have the kids for the break could see them on Christmas Day for “a time mutually agreed too” by both parents. In her mind, she didn’t “agree” to be in the state for Christmas so I wasn’t going to get to see them. This turned into a fight that took a few weeks to resolve.
You need to think long term 12:00 - You need to think about the consequences of your agreement for the long term. Typically we are going to have to deal with these agreements for years to come. Again this is going to be the foundation for your communication and “cooperation” for potentially decades. This can also be an issue for school functions such as awards ceremonies or performances. If ultimately you do have to go back to court because of these “violations” then you have something to point to. Without this you may have to go back to modify your agreement to cover these “details”.
Just follow the court order 15:29 - When communication and co-parenting breaks down you default should be to just follow the court order. You may notice after time that all discussions devolve into chaos with your toxic ex. In those situations it is important to have an agreement that “you can live with” that will allow you to refer and default to the previously agreement. Ultimately I had to do this because all other communication was just an exercise in frustration. This can lower your stress level and minimize negative interactions.
You know what’s important to you 17:07 - Ultimately you are the one who knows what is really important to you. You have to know what is really important to you so you can make sure those times are addressed and protected. Again you have to remember that this agreement will dictate your responsibilities as well.
Even if you suspect your ex might be toxic 21:36 - If you suspect your ex might be toxic I would highly encourage you to add as much detail into your stipulated agreement as you can. Your attorney may recommend against it but without details a toxic ex will use that agreement to make things as complicated as possible. Once you have a signed agreement if at all possible just follow it. If it is important to you then consider going back to court to have the agreement modified.
End of show 22:52 - End of show wrap-up!
In part 2 of our discussion with Leslee Powers we return to talk about the power of manifestation. This episode will give you a primer in manifestation and how to start to use it in your life. There are many things you can do in your life to start to effect positive change and when you combine all the pieces together really good things can happen!
Links to find out more! * FaceBook - [https://www.facebook.com/empowerandthrive] * YouTube - [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsEaTDlh3kfgl17DnaRFW2g] * Spiritually Untamed - [https://amzn.to/2KhdNkY]
Table of Contents Show Introduction and Sponsors This show is brought to you by Audible - get your free book and trial membership at http://www.audibletrial.com/dsd
What in the world is “manifestation” 00:54 - Duane asks Leslee what is manifestation. A lot of people just do not understand what it all means. Leslee says the simple answer is “your subconscious runs the show”. She also says there are a lot of things in the Bible that are very true such as “ask and you shall receive”. Even though Leslee is not religious and was never raised in a church, when she went through her healing she found her spiritual side and that is when everything started to shift.
Prior to this realization she felt everything was just thrown at her and she had little control over what was going on in her life. She says, “We do have agency over our lives and we can look to ourselves.” Now, for example if someone comes into her life and tries to take advantage of her she says “okay its time to grow”. Leslee comments that most people have heard of the movie “The Secret” but she says they had some missing pieces. The movie talks about how if you sit and imagine driving a Ferrari then you’ll get a Ferrari. Although there is some truth to that but you really have to believe and feel it. So it all boils down to a belief system. If you believe and feel that you have something such as health then you will have it. It’s all about the wording we choose and the thoughts that we choose.
In manifestation is really about telling our subconscious what we want to look for. One of the examples she is working with her tribe is manifesting animals. She had them start with flamingos and everyone started to see flamingos throughout their day. She then switched it to owls and everyone started to see owls. As of this podcast she has now switch to something ridiculous like sloths to help them realize how this works. After that she’s planning to work with them to manifest people in their lives. Leslee talks about how if she sends out positive thoughts toward someone they will ultimately reach out to her.
She breaks it down that when we tell ourselves to look for something like a sloth our subconscious automatically goes looking for sloths. Leslee says it isn’t some magical fairy steering the wheel it really is our subconscious looking for things. The key part about this is the emotions. For instance if you feel that every single person that comes into your life is going to be horrible then that is all you’re going to experience. Duane brings up his experience where when he acclimated himself that everyone is “horrible” and that is all you deserve then it’s a self fulfilling prophecy and that is what you will see.
So I brought all this trauma into my life? 06:23 - Duane asks the next question that is typically on everyone’s mind, “so you’re saying I brought this crisis into my life?” Leslee says it’s a valid question because no-one asked for this. She explains its more how our thought process was where did we really believe we deserved anyone better? We may have said that we did but deep down did we really believe that we deserved it? A lot of this comes from a really young age and how we were raised.
Leslee talks about how self-love is very important. If we can’t love ourselves how can someone look you in the eye and tell you that they love you. You can not really believe them if you don’t love yourself first. In her view this goes beyond manifestation and toward a true belief system. Again a lot of this comes up early childhood development where we weren’t given the right foundation during those formative years.
Its more than just saying the words 08:10 - Duane brings up the point that sometimes when he’s talking to someone he can tell they just don’t believe what they are saying. “Its more than just the words you have to believe it” he says. One of the examples that he used is how people worry about money. They say something like “I want to win the lottery” but the emotions behind it are still very negative. In his life Duane says that he “believes things are going to work out”. He may not know or understand how it is going to happen, but he believes that it will. This method of thinking and feeling has worked out very well for him throughout the years. But there are still times he “wraps himself around the axel” but things still tend to work out.
This is further evident in another example he talks about. He experienced a fundamental positive shift on the anger and bitterness he felt toward his ex. As he started to let go and shift his focus those strong emotions started to release and things really started to get better.
He explains it was a bit of a scary shift because nothing really changed but the way he felt significantly changed.
Sometimes we just get so focused on the “how” and we loose sight of just not knowing how it’s going to happen. Leslee concurs and said one thing your manifestation “guru” is going to tell you is “the how is none of your business.” She also recommends the book “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind” by Joseph Murphy she is currently reading. One of the key points in the book is if you envision yourself doing it then it will start to manifest. She also used an example from a conversation they had last year about channel growth and how he would manifest it.
It isn’t going to be that easy 12:17 - One truth that Duane brings up from his own experience is that even when thing are “going good” you will be tested to see if you really want it. He comments that the channel has been a good example of this. At one point right before he was about to cross the 1k subscriber threshold he commented that “I’m going to hit it before the New Year”. As soon as those words left his mouth everything came to a grinding halt. Views slowed, subscribers stopped and all the momentum was lost. Although it was a bit discouraging he didn’t give up, realized there are ups and downs, and just focused on helping the individuals and kept producing content. Ultimately, last the timeframe he had previously thought, things picked back up and continued to grow.
Leslee talks about how sometimes we do just have to back off, let go, “let Jesus take the wheel”, and just see how things turn out. The problem is if we hang on to something too tight it just makes things work out badly. She uses an example of holding on to a kitten where one of two things will happen. First the kitten will fight and scratch and run away or the kitten will be no more. This is why in the manifestation world it is important to say, “This or something better” that way if it doesn’t work out then there is the belief that something better is on the way. This is just another example of how the manifestation mindset can help you through the daily hurdles that we all face.
Where is this taking me? 16:15 - Although Duane wasn’t brought up in a spiritual belief system it has been a fundamental core belief for most of his life. Without even knowing about spirituality or manifestation he has used those “thoughts” to help him throughout his life. The good thing about this mindset is when really bad things do happen you will get to the point where you can say, “lets take a break and ask where is this taking me?”
Duane reflects on Leslee’s comment about “holding on too tight” and talks about his 21 year relationship this ex. He recalls that he was in fact holding on so tight and all it was doing was corrupting his life. During this timeframe he was not happy, he didn’t see a future, and every day was a real struggle. Even the thought of tomorrow scared the crap out of him. Once he started to release it the stress and anxiety started to lift (at least until the narcissist rage started). This is one reason why he has a very open minded view about the channel. He realizes that although he is passionate about the channel he realizes it might be taking him someplace he hasn’t even considered. He comments that having this view on life can give you a sense of peace even when bad thing are happening.
Leslee brings up the fault most people have where “they will believe it when they see it.” The truth of the matter in manifestation is you have to believe it before you see it. You have to feel it before it happens.
Duane’s “The Secret” Moment 20:03 - Duane talks about his experience visualizing parking spaces. This was a theme that was mentioned in the movie the secret and it is something that he’s tried when going to the mall. It’s always a nightmare finding a parking spot but since visualizing a space there always seems to be a space when he gets there.
Leslee mentions that when you first start experiencing the effects of manifestation it can really start to freak you out. It is one of those things that really just defies logic and seems a bit odd. They both discuss how you have to wrap it in a sense of positive thinking and feelings. The fundamental truth of it; you have to be good with whatever happens. So in this example even if there isn’t the “parking spot” it doesn’t matter, there is no stress associated with the experience.
When you're okay with what happens 22:55 - Leslee talks about how when you get to the point where you’re okay either way and you really don’t care it really changes your life. When you are at the point where it won’t ruin your day if you don’t get something you’re more likely you get it. Duane mentions how this has changed his view with his ex. When you get to the point where they do something but it doesn’t bother you anymore. It is when you arrive at that position in a space of peace instead of angry things really begin to change.
One of the interesting thoughts about all of this is each new experience, no matter how difficult, is pointing you into a new direction. Leslee talks about sometimes the direction can be in a way that you never even thought possible. Duane mention their previous discussions on how he never would have even imagined he would be here talking to Leslee about these topics.
Exclusive Story 25:15 - Duane talks about a story of how a spiritual advisor said he would be doing a “business”. He lives pretty far from any major cities or what he figured were real opportunities to do this but now he is basically doing what was predicted. He also talks about how weird it was for the person to be able to tap into his life and correctly describe his ex, Debby and his children.
The change when you let someone go 27:09 - Leslee talks about it doesn’t matter what people believe or who they pray too but that we need that “thing” to harness into. When you can get to the point where you can let someone go and you can wish them happiness you’ve won the game. She also explains how when she started to change the people around her started to change and become more positive and happy with her. Leslee also talks about how her relationship with her parents and some friends did a complete 180 and now is very positive. This is one thing to really look forward to how our lives really improve as we grow through this.
For most of us we get so used to the normal dull daily churn in our lives that we loose sight of the possibility of something better. Duane discusses how this trapped him for many years in his experiences and it make everything difficult. This negative thought process manifest more of the same. We believe every day is going to be difficult so every day is difficult. One reality of this is it takes a tremendous amount of work before you can start to change the direction of your life. This is because you are having to undo the default programming in your mind.
Leslee talks about the difficulties in changing a “thought process”. It is one of the most difficult things to do because our brains are hardwired in for negativity, lack, and bad things. Duane mentions that those “words” in your mind don’t necessarily go away but now when it happens you recognize it and can stop those negative thoughts.
Who's voice is it? 32:54 - We all have negative voices that run through our head. This is part of that default programing that we have to combat. One of the questions Leslee recommends you ask is “who’s voice is it that is speaking those negative thoughts?” Those thoughts and emotions are coming from somewhere. Typically they are from our parents, ex partners, teachers or even coworkers. The reality is “someone else” planted those negative thoughts and emotions in your mind and we have to work to push them out. A lot of this comes from our early childhood development. When you realize this it empowers you to catch it happening a bit faster and then take active steps to mitigate it. She also talks about how mirror work is really important to defend against this. This way you can talk to yourself and replace those negative thoughts and emotions with something positive. Another important aspect about this is to become your own best friend. This is really a key point in our healing.
In this episode Duane and Leslee Powers return together to talk about the struggles of letting go and beginning the process of moving on. This is a very complicated topic that many have difficulties with. Duane asks Leslee the way she helps her own clients go through this process. Later in the episode Duane and Leslee talk about manifestation and what it all means.
Links to find out more! * FaceBook - [https://www.facebook.com/empowerandthrive] * YouTube - [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsEaTDlh3kfgl17DnaRFW2g] * Spiritually Untamed - [https://amzn.to/2KhdNkY]
Table of Contents Show Introduction and Sponsors This show is brought to you by Audible - get your free book and trial membership at http://www.audibletrial.com/dsd
The Struggles of “Letting Go” 00:53 - Duane talks to Leslee about her process of helping her own clients to “let go” of the past and move into the future. Leslee talks about how everyone has their own timeline and a lot of it depends on the stage of the process. Sometimes she has clients who call her the very next day wanting the pain to go away. She recommends people first accept where they are and second to not rush anything. She cautious people to wait to run into a new relationship.
Duane discusses how when you are getting your validation from another person and how that is a dangerous place to be in. He then asks Leslee how she would approach this and her response was profound. She asks her clients, “when was the last time that you did anything for yourself?” She continues to ask, “Who are you?”. The entire point is to get the client focused on themselves so they can really start to heal.
Leslee talks about how during the healing process it can be a minute to minute thing. Duane commented how his own recovery was minute to minute and how difficult it was. They both discuss how most people healing from this haven’t even been given the permission to focus on themselves. Duane talks about how it is so easy to get involved in a new relationship to mask what is going on.
Coaching People Who Are Struggling 06:38 - Leslee talks about how she doesn’t set boundaries for people making their own decisions in the coaching environment. She says she doesn’t like to put boundaries on because she doesn’t want to have the “she says I can’t” situation where now they want to. It’s one of those things where she would caution them on it but she isn’t going to abandon someone who is doing something they shouldn’t be doing.
She encourages people to seek out new friendships instead of relationships. This is a problem where people typically are surrounded by toxic people. Most people have to remove those toxic people and replace them with good quality and supportive people. She also talks bout how we have to have to difficult conversations, “What was it about me that attracted and made all these people attractive to me?” What was I feeling about myself to make me think this was okay. Leslee also says “people pleasing” is a big problem and even when people do not really accept that they are it is a huge reason they end up in these situations.
Duane's relationship and the baggage 08:44 - Duane talks about his relationships with Debby and how they started out with him believing that he was healed and had worked through his issues with his past relationship. When you come from a toxic relationship there is a tremendous amount of baggage. Duane comments how you own it to your new future partner to heal before bringing them into this situation. Leslee also said that we have no business bringing anyone into our chaos until we are healed ourselves.
Leslee comments how everyone is a work in progress and we really have no business dating until we’ve truly healed from the damage of the toxic relationship. Duane brings up had he been a client with Leslee she would have been able to ask those pointed questions to really test where he was. The key part of this is to push those trigger points and see what the reaction is. You can get comfortable in your situation thinking you are healed but you know for sure when you do not have the anger response when certain topics are brought up. The problem is as soon as those issues you haven’t healed from come up the anger and pain comes back with a vengeance.
What's going on inside? Are you lonely? 13:56 - Leslee mentions how when the triggers lay dormant we forget about them. Duane asks Leslee what would she do to “test the waters” to make sure he was healed before starting a new relationship. Her main advice would be to not go in “head first” because there is a possibility this new person could be important to help you see things in a new light. Go gently and keep asking yourself if you are doing this for both of us, or because you are lonely? She recommends that you never date when you’re longly just as you never want to shop when you’re hungry. Leslee also talks about how we need to move very very slowly and to not jump into things too fast or under the duress of being lonely.
The sweet spot when you could care less and are able to spend time with yourself. But when you are struggling with the weekends being alone. When you don’t care and when you are happy being by yourself is when you are starting to heal. Duane mentions that is where he was mentally when he met his girlfriend. He also said he wish he would have recognized that he still had a lot of anger toward his past relationship. When the his ex found out about his new relationship and the drama started his anger flared back up. Leslee commented that typically when the exes find out there is going to be hell fire in response. This is also important to ask yourself if it is worth it to bring someone new into this chaos.
Duane closed this section off with the comment that if someone could have asked the question on all the hot-button issues that really get you angry you might have more work to do before you are ready to move on. Leslee talks about how being emotionally healthy takes time. People need to understand and not beat themselves up on how long it takes to heal from this. They both talk about the normal trend is approximately two years for you to heal and be ready to start moving forward.
Learning to focus on yourself 19:20 - Leslee talks about how when you learn to focus on yourself and you realize that you do matter. This takes a lot of time to work through this. It is probably the first time in their lives when they’ve been asked what they like - what makes them happy. Most people in these situations you just don’t know what your happiness is. When you’ve been focusing on others for so long it is hard to learn how to answer these questions. But Leslee says if you’re at this point it is okay and there is nothing wrong with take the time to learn who you really are. Leslee also comments on how “just one day I felt better” and now all of the work just builds upon itself to get to you that point. They both discuss how crazy it is and it is hard to explain to people how this just “happens”.
In this podcast I sit down with my good friend Mike Cassidy and discuss how important great support is when recovering from a traumatic experience. Mike was an outstanding support for me through my experience and he shares his thoughts and how one can be a better friend with someone in crisis.
Links to find out more! * Instagram - digitalcassidy
Table of Contents Show Introduction and Sponsors This show is brought to you by Audible - get your free book and trial membership at http://www.audibletrial.com/dsd
Introduction to Mike Cassidy 00:53 - I met up with my good friend Mike Cassidy for this show. Mike was a crucial member of my support system when I was going through my divorce. Mike and I met up at Franklin Canyon in Los Angeles to discuss the importance of good quality and supportive friends when going through a traumatic experience.
Surround Yourself with the right people 03:06 - It is critical to surround yourself with the right people. Mike and Duane discuss the importance of this and Mike talks about his thoughts we he first witnessed me going through the trauma of my experience. He offers his experience on what I personally needed and how he felt it was important to be a good listener.
SPECIAL NOTE This episode was filmed and recorded outdoors. So throughout the episode you will hear ambient noises such as airplanes and some machines.
Our friendship BEFORE the divorce 07:51 - Mike was friends with Duane for a few years before this experience. They discuss their friendship and some of the things they did prior to it. It is also important to recognize the significant difference when someone is going through the realities of this distress. Mike talked about how many people will tend to avoid people when they are going through something like this, however in his opinion, he believed that makes things worse and he never did that with Duane.
Duane talks about how one of the inspirations of doing the DSD - Dad Surviving Divorce YouTube channel and this podcast was to give back and pay it forward to help others going through this. Not everyone has a good friend or support like he did with Mike and a handful of others and he felt creating the DSD online community could be a lifeline for people who were struggling.
Did you think I would make it through it? 12:31 - Duane asks the question, “Did you think I would make it through it?” Mike hinted that he wasn’t sure but he focused on Duane’s personal growth and his observations when he was watching him go through this. The unfortunate truth of these experiences is the amount of time to recovery and they both acknowledge that it took several years to really start to heal. Mike said he was impressed to watch how Duane was able to turn things around, go through this rough stuff, and take back control of his life. He was also impressed with the level of success Duane continues to have in his professional life and with this YouTube and Podcast adventure.
Mike's thought when I told him about the channel 18:38 - Duane asks Mike what he thought when he first told him about the idea of starting a YouTube channel. At first he thought maybe it would be something about technology and he was surprised when he learned it was a divorce recovery channel. They talk about the effect the channel has had on Duane’s life and the impact it has had on other people who view the channel.
Advice for the friend helping a friend 23:03 - It can be very difficult for a friend to watch someone going through this. Duane asks Mike what advice he would offer to someone watching their good friend go through something like this. Mike reaffirms the need to be a good listener and to be patient with the person. He mentioned how you never know what is really happening on the other side of the phone or text. He said it is important to realize that the person is reaching out for help and validation and it is important to be a “good human” and be there for them.
Critical reality of your friends 27:18 - Duane and Mike talk about the critical reality of when your friends just are not hitting the mark. If your support group/person is not patient, supportive, a good listener, or not “there” then you have to realize they are not good for your recovery nor your healing.. It is imperative to surround yourself with good quality and supportive people. If you are not getting support from the people around you then you have to find other people, or communities, who are. It is not normal for people to not want to help you.
Your situation today isn't your forever 29:25 - It is easy to become trapped in the mindset that this is your forever. But it is critically important to realize that isn’t the case. This time is traumatic and extremely painful but you will not be here forever. Duane and Mike talk about how there was a time they didn’t know each other. Duane then goes on to talk about new friends he’s met post-divorce that have had a significant positive impact on his life. It is important to keep the hope that you can overcome this and have a good life.
The dull pain does go away with time 32:47 - The emotional pain and distress over a break is significant but couple that with a narcissistic toxic divorce and that is compounded further. Duane talks bout how he felt that “dull pain” would be with him forever. He goes on to say there was a time where he thought it would never go away. But the reality is, many years later, it has and the pain isn’t a daily part of his life any longer.
How this project has helped me 35:43 - Duane talks about how the YouTube channel and Podcast has helped him. It has given him an avenue to take something so traumatic and devastating and turn it into something positive. Mike talks about his experience watching Duane through the last couple of year as he’s built this.
This podcast addresses what I consider to be the unspoken truth about narcissistic abuse recovery. Oftentimes these topics are not address or acknowledged and I believe that can make recovery even harder. The fundamental truth of narcissistic abuse recovery is that it takes a really long time AND you will spend a lot of that time thinking and ruminated about the ex. But in this podcast I discuss the techniques I used to break that cycle so you can too!
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Show Introduction 00:31 - Introduction to the show and the unspoken truth about narcissistic abuse recovery. A lot of people do not really talk about or address the struggles that a person has or that WE had when going through this. Without this knowledge you start to believe something is fundamentally wrong with you. The first issue is the amount of time that it takes to really start to heal. The second part is how that looks and feel as you are going through it.
It take a really long time 01:56 - It really does take a really long time to recovery from this. In contrast people with “normal” breakups can recovery in just a few weeks or months. This can cause a lot of confusion if you’ve had a “normal” breakup before this one and you can wonder WHY you are unable to recovery and move on. A narcissistic relationship is very difficult and it doesn’t matter if it’s a short relationship like a year or a long term one that spans multiple decades it’s still hard. It is not untypical for the recovery time to span a year or longer.
My Story 04:11 - In full disclosure the only real relationship I had ever had was with my ex. I didn’t have any real experiences before her. My relationship with her lasted over 21 years. So when I got out of the marriage I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t have any previous experience on breakups. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I had no idea what I was dealing with and how crazy things were going to go.
The reasons why this is so hard 05:18 - The main and first issue is the lack of closure.
Stuck thinking about the ex 08:00 - This roles into the next issue where you are constantly thinking about your ex. It can be really difficult to be honest with yourself that even with all the trauma the person has put you through you are still constantly thinking about them. The first step in battling this is to understand what you are dealing with.
Recognizing The Trauma Bond 10:57 - The second part of this is recognizing the trauma bond. We get so engage with them with all the things that they do like gaslighting,
How do you really start to heal from this? 13:15 - How do you really start to heal from this type of abuse? First it to understand the unspoken truths of the recovery process. To understand that it really does take a long time. The fact that you are still connected emotionally with your ex. You also have to recognize that you basically have an addition to your ex and you will have to detoxify yourself from the relationship. This can be a struggle especially when you are trying to go no contact. Many people do not understand the reality of no contact and that it means much more than just “not contacting” the ex. You have to actively work to STOP THINKING about them as well.
Here’s the deal, it’s like an addiction when we are trying to break free from them. You will come up with all kinds of reasons and justifications to “look”. The justification that I used to us is that I needed to look to have some idea of what her next plan was for court.
Absolute Thinking and how it helps 20:14 - Absolute Thinking and how it helps it you reframe your reality and start replace that with what is really real instead of the illusion. This helps you to start to see how the actions and words do not backup the illusion you believe and they are trying to create. This all helps you start to realize that this is not going to last forever. You also are then are able to start working on yourself.
End of show wrap-up 25:29 - Thanks for listening and I hope this helps. If you know someone who is struggling with this please share this episode with them. If you get a chance please go over to iTunes and leave a rating and review of the podcast!
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a very complex process. The bond that you have with your abuser runs very deep and it can be very difficult to untangle your life from the trauma bond you have with them.
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com
Table of Contents Solo Format show 00:04 - I’m going to try something a little different a do a solo show. This is going to be an episode of me talking to you directly without having a guest. So for episode #7 I’m going to give this a try.
Why Does this take so long to heal 00:30 - I was talking with Leslee and Debby about how hard it is so see hope and believe there is an opportunity to get your life back. When you are struggling with this even getting to the next moment can seem impossible. Every thought of every moment of every day feels like you are going to be trapped in this nightmare. With time, as you start to work on yourself you start to make progress. The frustrating part of this is how much time it actually takes to start making that progress. A lot of people think you should get over this quickly. I also felt that I should be healing faster and everyone else around me re-enforced those thoughts. I struggled with the thought that I should be making progress especially when I had a clearer view of what was going on.
When you look at the reason why this is taking so long the answer is simple, “trauma bonding”. Immediately following the breakup of a toxic narcissistic relationship you are still emotionally connected to your ex. The relationship is like a drug and it is like an addiction to that emotional “high” you experienced when you were with the person. All of this together makes it really difficult to get away and to start to get them out of your mind. The sad truth is that it takes a long time. It took me approximately 2 years to get to the point where I was really starting to feel better. Prior to that time however, things got considerably worse before they started to get better.
Although I feel there is a risk to make you more defeated and depressed about the length of time. The reason I bring this up is because I struggled with this and I felt I was going to feel this way forever. I think it is important to address the length of time so that you understand it is part of the process and it is normal. The message is there is a path through the darkness and you can get to the other side of this experience. For me there wasn’t anyone who I could relate to that could show me there was a path through this and that you can heal from it. Oftentimes when someone does heal from this they do not want to talk about it. Revisiting their past is painful and triggering especially if they haven’t truly healed from their emotional trauma. The only way it would work is if you knew the person when they went through it and you can see how their life has improved. Without that context its hard to relate someone else’s recovery with our own because “they must not have gone through the same thing”.
It's like a physical injury 04:17 - The analogy I like to use is a physical injury. If you injury yourself and you don’t do the physical therapy you will not truly heal. You may get your “life back” but you will not get the range of motion you once had. If you don’t heal the injury you will have those pains follow you throughout your life. As a result, when you do something to push the nerve the old injury will flare up. In the physical injury the physical pain will return, but in our case the emotional injury will be triggered. The result of this is as you’re talking to someone about your story it is triggering their old emotional wounds that are still there and never healed. Very seldom are they going to tell you that your story is causing them emotional flashbacks they will just recoil away and not want to engage with you. If you’re going to go through the pain you might has well put in the work to really heal from this. The secondary benefit from this is when someone else goes through this later you will be in a position to really help them through the process.
Depression can stalk you 06:42 - I was really depressed when I was married. When I was going through this I honestly thought there was something wrong with me. I actually felt as though I was “so lucky” to have this other person in my life that was “so amazing and wonderful”. I had put the my wife on a pedestal and I had wrapped my entire “self-worth” and validation on that relationship. Deep down I knew the relationship was flawed although I couldn’t see that then. As a result of this every day was a struggle. I can remember those long drives to work where I would struggle to make it to work and then just pretend everything was “alright”. I would put on the facade that everything was okay and I would work to just try to make “some” progress throughout the day. A lot of the times when I would get home I would be so emotionally exhausted that I would just want to sleep.
During one of the previously livestreams I had mentioned my “dark passenger”. This was a reference to the Showtime original program “Dexter” where the main character would often mention his “dark passenger”. For me it felt as though I had this inner critic that was constantly putting me down. So when other people would put me down it was validating that little voice in my head. I was surrounded by toxic and negative people and it became my “normal”. That feeling stuck with me for a really long time. Because of my profession seeking help wasn’t really encouraged and it could actually be determinate to your career. As a result this amplified the problem because I felt that I was tramped and couldn’t get any support.
There were times where the wife would do something and I would fall into the illusion that things were “okay”. As we all know this is apart of the love bombing, the trauma bond, and the manipulation to keep you under that illusion. They are in control of your emotions, they will allow you to be happy then crush you down and constantly get you to chase that emotional “high” that you are missing.
When I got to the point where the facade started to drop and the fog started to lift I started to realize that this relationship wasn’t good for me. At this point I realize that I deserved, and YOU DESERVE, the opportunity to find real peace, love, joy, and contentment. At one point towards the end I had a conversation with the ex I had said, “I want you do be happy but I don’t want it to be at the cost of my happiness. We BOTH deserve to be happy.” As you are already aware that type of conversation doesn’t go over very well with someone with strong narcissistic traits. When you have a conversation like this it demonstrates to them that they are loosing control.
When I decided it was time to pick “me” I was scared to death to make that leap of faith. In the back of my mind the inner critic was telling me that I wasn’t worthy and I wasn’t going to be happy, and things were not going to be better. I had that “fear” that if I walked away from this and stood my ground for myself that I would loose that relationship and the best thing that ever happened in my life. At the time I was so beat down and in a dark place that before I drove myself into the ground that I owed it to myself to at least try. This was the crux of the decision to walk away and try to get myself away from the chaos.
Initially leaving left great 12:40 - My initial response to leave it that it felt great. It felt awesome to stand up for myself and to feel like I was taking control of my life and making positive decisions. I felt excited to have the opportunity to demonstrate to my children a different way of living. The problem at this phase is that you don’t really know what you’re dealing with. At this point the narcissistic rage comes in, plus the false allegations, then the smear campaign and when you are not prepared for that it is devastating. If you are early in the process then you have a distinct advantage because you will not be blindsided by their actions.
The hard thing to deal with is that someone you loved is taking every thing that had been shared with them in confidence over the last 21 years of my life to try and destroy me. All just to try and prove in court that I was a piece of garbage and shouldn’t be allowed to be around my own children. When this happened in completely crushed me and I crashed emotionally as a result of this. I just couldn’t believe it was happening and all the progress that I had made evaporated in an instant. I was pulled back into the abyss and felt that I thought I could get away but now I was trapped in this nightmare forever. This is important for me to mention because if you’re going through this right now you need to know you are having a “normal” response to this trauma. What this means is the monster is starting to loose control and they are trying to regain it.
The important thing to remember is just because they say something doesn’t mean the family court system is going to believe it. It doesn’t mean they are automatically going to win. Sure there will be friends and family that may fall victim to their influence but it doesn’t mean the decision makers are going to believe them.
Circling back to the discussion of depression I struggled with this before the marriage. Coming from a toxic mother I always struggled with things not feeling right. So when this feeling came back I just assumed it was my “normal” and I just figured I would continue to struggle with this. At the time I didn’t even think about taking an external look and ask the question, “what is causing it” I just assumed it was me.
As I continued to work on myself things started to fundamentally shift. I started to see reality and I started to understand what was going on. This gave me some clarify, peace and closure. As a result of this work things really started to get better. I often say that my worst days now are what my good days were back when I was married. When I think back on it now it’s hard to believe that I spent 21 years in that environment. It is important to mention this because when you are in the midst of this you can feel that these feelings will never leave you. I now feel like my life is on track and I no longer feel these depressive moods and the anxiety I once did. I’m really excited about my life now and “what is coming next”.
You have to understand and respect the process 19:21 - It really does take a long time to heal from this. If you come from a family of emotional abusers or narcissists you can expect it is going to take even a little bit longer to heal from this. There is nothing “wrong” with it, other than it’s annoying, taking a year or two to get to the point to heal. My hope is that finding the information you will give you the skills and techniques needed to reduce the time it takes to recover. I have seen this work with followers of the YouTube channel where their transformation happened within a few months.
End of show wrap up 21:00 - It take a long time because there is a tremendous amount of trauma intertwined with your ex. This is also the reason why someone who doesn’t have children and may have only been in a short relationship still has to go through this process to heal. It is so insidious how they infect your mind, play your weakness against you, and your wants against you and become a mirror to be the person that you always dreamed of and then they rip it away. It is as if you were given an unknown drug that you became addicted too and then one day without warning they take it away. So if you are struggling with this just know there is life at the other side of this. Going through this process will empower you with the skills and techniques to identify and deal with toxic people going forward. That is the gift that is on the other side of this experience.
Rodney C Burris is an educator, national speaker, youth advocate, and entrepreneur. Mr. Burris holds a BA in Psychology from the Johns Hopkins University as well as a MS in Nonprofit Management. His talks have been perfect for schools, corporations, organizations, churches, and universities. Because of this, Rodney has traveled around the nation, helping groups improve their communication, while also encouraging leaders to incorporate simple team-building strategies to achieve greater success.
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - RodneyCBurris * Twitter - @rodneycburris * Instagram - Rodney.C.Burris * Book - Get off the Cycle and Run
Table of Contents Introduction to Rodney C. Burris 00:20 - Today we’re introduced to Rodney C. Burris, the author of Get off the Cycle and Run. Rodney was inspired to write this book after a conversation with his mother. She was frustrated with the “bad” decisions people were making and she said, “Somebody needs to break the cycle, who’s going to do, who’s just going get off this cycle and run.” This started the vision of using the cycling metaphor to illustrate how we all have a choice to make positive changes in our lives. Rodney talks about how if you take the same effort you’re expending to “cycle in place” you can start to make great improvements in your life.
Real life inspiration 04:34 - Rodney used his real life experiences as the background for the book and used those for illustrate the different metaphors in the book. Rodney said, “Every single story in here, is personal.”
At 36 years old he has had a lot of unique life experiences, he’s been homeless, has a masters degree from John’s Hopkins University, lived in Florence Italy, visited South Africa, held “light weight” elected office in Baltimore, and homeowner. As a result he had a tremendous story to pull from when writing the “Get off the Cycle and Run”.
Rodney and Duane discuss how sometimes you have to change your approach and realize you have to try something different. He also talks about the different cycles relate to where you are in life. For instance the “big wheel” is what you need when you’re young. But as you grow sometimes you struggle to give up a cycle or pattern which you have outgrown. The book talks bout ways to identify when you need to “get off” and “let things go” so that you can continue to grow.
Recognize when the cycle has run its course 10:59 - Rodney talks about how important it is to recognize when a cycle has run its course and it’s time to make a change. One of the positive things you can do is to make that realization that it’s time to do something different. The mistake a person can make is to think an “exercise bike”, although helping to make us healthy, is going to get you where you want to go. You have to recognize the people and situations in your life for what they are and have realistic expectations on what they are brining into your life. You have to ask ourself, “Am I getting from this what I want” and be aware of what is really going on. The book focuses on helping people identify the good positive cycles as well as the ones you need to move on from.
The feedback on the book 14:30 - Rodney talks about the feedback he’s received since publishing the book. It has been well received and the feedback has been good. Rodney share’s his very first review where the response was it is “bookshelf quality” and something that can be reviewed over and over again. He also talks about how he has been brought into different environments such as education and corporate to talk about the book. Rodney admits this has been a very humbling experience since the release of the book.
Give them a head start in life 17:51 - Duane and Rodney discuss the potential for this material to be made available for children. Originally Rodney felt the book and ideas are more adult orientated for their experiences. They discuss the importance of empowering young people and students to be able to recognize their own signs. Rodney is working on a companion workbook to be an accompaniment to the book or work standalone.
I didn’t create “The David” he was already there… 20:13 - Rodney talks about how the source material for the book and companion workbook came from. He shares a story from his time living in Florence Italy. While there he visited “The David” created by Michelangelo and he was struck by the level of detail of the sculpture. He was struck by a quote from Michelangelo that said, “I didn’t create the David, he was already there, I simply liberated him.” This is how Rodney feels about how the book was “downloaded” to him.
Looking for like minded people 22:53 - Rodney talks about how he’s looking to team and collaborate with like minded people to help spread the message of empowerment. He is wanting to share with people doing similar type of work. It is important to continue to encourage people to seek out good and positive. Duane and Rodney talk about how technology has opened up the possibilities for people to share their message without the restrictions of corporate. Rodney refers back to the string of lights around a Christmas tress and how in the old if one light fails the entire string fails. His goal is to help each other keep each other going and keeping the lights going.
It comes down the the one person 26:09 - Duane and Rodney talk about how important the one single person. The power of these messages is that individual person can be touched and empowered to reevaluate their lives and start to make those positive changes. Previously the messages would be limited to the local area but now we’re able to communicate these message to a more global audiences.
Consistently look for the simple things to make your life better 28:45 - Rodney talks about another quote from Einstein, “If you can’t explain it simply you don’t really get it.” The idea of riding a bike and peddling is such an easy simple concept. It is important to connect with people who can help you simply grasp the content that is going to make our lives better. Look consistently for those simple things that we can share to make the world a better place.
End of show wrap up 30:26 - We wrap up the show with some final words from Rodney and links to find out more about him on social media.
Debbie Mirza is the author of Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist and is helping shed knowledge on a subject that is just now starting to get the attention it deserves. Debbie is a deeply spiritual person and felt she was drawn to write this book to help others struggling with covert narcissistic abuse. She is also a singer and a restorative coach.
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - [Debbie Mirza] * Website - [http://www.debbiemirza.com] * Book - [The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist]
Table of Contents Introduction to Debbie Mirza 00:20 - Debbie was kind enough to join us today to talk about her new book and talk about her journey through recovering from covert narcissistic abuse.
The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist - The Book 01:34 - Debbie talks about her new book “[The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist]” which was release in January 2018. Since the release of her book her eyes are being opened to the impact covert passive aggressive narcissists are having all around the world. In one example she shares a story from one of her readers who credits her book with helping to save her life. Validation is so important and it is critical when trying to recover from the aftermath of a covert narcissistic relationship. After a really bad episode of PTSD when she had retreated into her room the idea and title of the book materialized almost as if in a dream. She took that fierceness that was growing inside of her and focused that energy to write this book. Debbie recalled how she was unable to find a book like this when she was recovering so she decided to fill that gap. Writing the book was a daunting process and initially she was worried what her narcissist and their “flying monkeys” would say or do about it. But she took that fear and changed her directing to focus on the readers of the book and she kept them in her mind and that gave her so much love and care for them. During the course of writing this book she interviewed hundreds of people to get their experience.
The incredible journey 11:36 - Debbie dives into the incredible journey that was the research phase of the book. The interviews included people all over the world. One of the amazing things she was surprised to learn is how everyone’s experiences and stories were so similar. It didn’t matter if you were in the United States or on the other side of the world the emotional trauma and the way the narcissist acted were the same. In the early days of both our recoveries information just wasn’t really available to the level that was really necessary for the community. Books and resources were either clinical without real in-depth knowledge of the level and severity of the abuse. When Debbie’s book “The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist” was released there really wasn’t another book like it.
Validation is important to initially understand 14:27 - Debbie and Duane talk about the critical importance of validation when trying to heal from narcissistic abuse. The experience is so unreal that it is difficult for the target of the abuse to really understand and believe what they are experiencing is real. Couple this with the fact that most people, who haven’t experienced it, are in no position to provide heal emotional support for the target and tend to make things worse. They also discuss the importance of self-validation and how it is critical to learn how to NOT require the validation of other people.
The biggest “take away” from the last six months 14:50 - Debbie talks about her continued growth and journey over the last six months since releasing her book. A side effect from the research and writing the book was dredging up old memories and experiences that really took a toll on her healthy. During the research she pulled out her old journals she wrote throughout the course of her life. The details in those journals brought back those memories and feelings and helped her realize she was remembering things differently that they obviously occurred. Debbie realized just how truly unhappy and alone she felt when in the midst of these toxic relationships. She documented these feelings but incorrectly placed the cause with other aspects of her life such as diet, work, job, anything other than the true source of her emotional and physical distress.
The importance of what is not there 18:32 - One of the major epiphanies Debbie had when going through this is how we tend to focus on what “is” there instead of what is missing and isn’t there in the relationship. Very often during these toxic relationships we are not focusing on what they aren’t offering. For instance she had a handful of very serious medical emergencies and instead of getting love and attention as you would expect from someone that truly cares about you she instead was greeted with distain and the abscesses of love and compassion. We often don’t look at the simple truth that when someone truly cares they would be devastated if they thought they would lose us to a medical emergency. She also talks about how this is even more complicated with a covert narcissist because they can put on a show for people so they “think” they are really caring and loving when in fact they are the opposite. Outsiders see this facade and think we must be very “lucky” to have this person in our lives, but they don’t see the monster behind the curtain.
How this impacted her health 21:09 - This journey into self reflection and the source of the trauma all took a toll on her body and she developed high blood pressure. This really upped all her energy and made just daily activities really difficult. She tried many different things from medication and diet without success in reducing her high blood pressure. She ultimately was introduced to the work of [Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work and his new book “Becoming Super Natural”] and it changed her life. Dr. Dispenza is very scientific and does an excellent job of explaining the effects of trauma on the human body. This information helped her understand how powerful fear, anxiety, helplessness and how with time that becomes our “default state”. The effect is that it keeps our bodies in an unhealthy “mode” and it takes active steps to break that cycle. She realized she had to change her emotional state to retrain her body that “we are going a different way now”. The other thing that really helped her in this was the importance of both meditation and guided meditation. This was very important to help her change her emotional state to focus on gratitude, joy and love which had a really positive effect on her life. This process is teaching your body a new way and for her the results are that she is completely off the blood pressure medication and she is feeling much better.
The importance of retreats for emotional healing 27:44 - Debbie talks about her exciting new direction where she is planning to announce the creation of healing retreats to help people in their recovery process. She is a big believer in retreats because they enable you to get away from your “life”, take a break, get out in nature, and be among a group of safe and supportive people who truly understand you. These retreats will empower people with new tools they will be able to take back home with them to help them transform their lives. The first retreats will be in her home state of Colorado but she plans to create more exotic and exclusive retreats that will be hosted in an island off the coast of Spain. The result is taking “no contact” to an entirely different level and enabling you to truly focus on your own personal growth and healing. The healing process will profoundly change your live in a very positive way. Debbie further discusses how this has been such an eye opening experience and how you really learn that you can can have and gain a truly genuine and peaceful life. She also talks about the tremendously positive impact her own mother had on her life and she credits her love and guidance in helping her to have the strength to write this book.
I needed to experience this to make the book possible 35:30 - Debbie tells the story of a conversation she had with a dear friend she has known since the 7th grade. Her friend was commenting on how she was sorry for her that she had to go through so much hardship and pain throughout her life. That conversation helped Debbie realize that the experience was needed to give her the knowledge, perspective, and strength to be able to heal and ultimately write this book. Without this knowledge she wouldn’t have the experience to truly help people understand their own personal experience and trauma and ultimately heal. She also reflects that even though this has been a tremendously painful process she would go through this again because she’s seen the positive impact it has had on her readers and viewers of her YouTube channel. Ultimately, she reflects, when we help each other we help to make this a better place!
When things become crystal clear 41:46 - Everything starts to change once you begin to really see what is going on and things become crystal clear. When you are able to see through toxic covert narcissistic behavior that you weren’t able to before you no longer have self doubts about your experience. Even with this personal growth Debbie continues to be a target of so much rage from her narcissist and their flying monkeys. One common phenomenon when narcissists is they get worse as they get older. Even with this Debbie is getting stronger in dealing with these situations and people. The “gift” in all of this is that she cares less and less what people think about her. She is starting to do things that are “right for her” instead of worrying what people will think. As you heal, she reflects, you get to a place in your life where you can live life feeling joy and allowing your protagonist to “have their own journey”. She also brings up the point again that when you can “self-validate” you aren’t worried about what other people think about you and it gives you strength. As a result of this growth she is learning to trust her self more and more every single day.
One reality that we all wake up with when healing from this is there really are a lot of toxic people in the world. Debbie acknowledges she has a bit of a “[Pollyanna Syndrome]” and it has skewed her world view in a positive light. When that realization first comes crushing down it can have a profound impact on your life. As a result she spent a bit of time where she didn’t leave her house much because she didn’t want to interact with people. This retreat from the world allowed her to escape and just focus on her own recovery. Fortunately most of her work can be done from home so it didn’t negatively impact her life.
This entire experience has helped her make different life decisions. She has reprioritized her life and she is actively seeking out more peaceful situations for her life. Her focus now is to stay away from larger cities and stay near nature. She also discusses how with the newfound knowledge you don’t loose yourself but you gain knowledge and strength to recognize toxic people. It is important to gain this skill because it enables you to avoid or remove these people from your life. Throughout this journey she’s recognized and learned who she really is. She says, “You become pretty invisible when you know who you are and you no longer need validation from other people.” You also learn who are the really good people in your life, who you must interact with and who ultimately you can just remove from your life.
Find a local Meetup Group 53:41 - One of the things that Debbie really recommends for people starting their recovery is to seek out a local in-person support group. These meet-up groups can really help you through the process. She used to lead a meet-up group in the Denver Colorado area that she’s since handed over to [Tracy Malone]. If you have the strength it can be incredibly helpful to meet and hear real stories of other survivors. This really helped her and opened her eyes. Being in a safe place with people who truly understand what you’ve been through is an incredibly healing experience. She further comments how it is so hard to see the reality when you are on an island and isolated from others who understand. Most of the time the unfortunate reality is the people in our lives do not have the experience to really be helpful when we are struggling. Debbie recommends, if a local meet-up group isn’t available, to seek out resources online such as livestreams and Facebook groups. It is just important to find validation for your experiences.
Thank you and more information on how to find Debbie 56:05 - We wrap up the show with Debbie Mirza and she talks about her online social media presents and where you can find out more about what she’s doing.
Tracy Malone is the founder of the Narcissist Abuse Support website and the Tracy A Malone YouTube channel. She is a survivor of a lifetime of unknown narcissistic abuse from her family of origin as well as relationships and marriages in her adulthood. During her path of healing she developed the Narcissist Abuse Support website as a resource for survivors with over 1000 free listings available sorted state by state.
Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/tracyamalone * Website - https://narcissistabusesupport.com/ * FaceBook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=188681268196044&ref=br_rs * Tracy's Story - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od60naaSumI&list=PLjF1_YLC3SX4d35qCd_MIe4XBL_yXazWA
Table of Contents Introduction to Tracy A Malone 00:00:16 - Tracy Malone is a narcissistic abuse survivor who has taken her experience and turned it into multiple resources to help others going through similar experiences. She has a background in marketing and website design and has used those skills to create her YouTube channel Tracy A Malone, her Narcissist Abuse Support website https://narcissistabusesupport.com, and a Podcast. Angie Atkinson did an interview with her and “the other women” in their her relationship to highlight their story.
How we met over a year ago 00:02:53 - A little over a year ago I was looking for help with my website and I found Tracy on Twitter talking about narcissistic abuse but her site was a web marketing business. So I reached out to her not realizing she had her own channel and around the same time she just did an interview on Angie Atkinson’s channel.
The start of her journey to collect this information 00:03:38 - When Tracy learned about narcissistic abuse about two and half years ago she went looking for information and couldn’t find resources. She found information that every state has but it wasn’t easily accessible for the individual looking for support. She did find a therapist that validated her experience but she wanted to consolidate that information and put it in one place to help people. So many survivors just do not know where to turn for good information. Tracy also talks about her hyper vigilant experience and turning into a “detective” to try and figure out what was going on. In her area the only resource she found was a therapist that was $800 a week, most people can’t afford that and the free resources really work. She also talks about how emotional, financial and sexual abuse are how they are also included in the domestic violence umbrella.
It’s the actions you have to focus on 00:11:00 - Tracy talks about her experience within the domestic violence community and how you really have to focus on the actions of the abuser. Throwing terms around like “narcissist” can actually hinder your ability to get support and to be believed. Tracy is working closely with the domestic violence support community to learn more about the resources and the way professionals, to include law enforcement, approach these complex situations.
Still working on herself to improve her live 00:14:10 - Tracy discusses her self improvement path and how she is still working on herself. She talks about how when you open up this “can of worms” and start learning about all of this and about issues you were holding on to but that were buried. We talk about how our past is how we end up in these toxic relationships in the first place. Working on your self, although a lot of work, gives us a tremendous “payoff’ with a better life and removing the toxic from our lives.
Tracy’s Narcissist Setup 00:16:27 - Tracy quickly dives in to her story of how her narcissist set her up and had her arrested for domestic violence. This was the lowest point in her life and was worse than her divorce from her husband that she thought was the worst thing she had ever experienced. This experience caused her to look in to herself and really take that step to start learning about her life and how she got here. She also talks about how a lot of people get stuck learning about their abuser and do not take the next step to learn about themselves. Tracy talks about how if you do not address the cause of how you pulled these toxic people into your life you will do it again. When you work on yourself you learn to set boundaries and take care of your own issues like codependency or being a people pleaser.
What Tracy is most proud of with the site 00:18:21 - Tracy talks about all the people she’s met in this arena that are helping and doing great things in the community. She is using her platform to teach people other modalities of helping people to get better. In this she’s partnered with others to create two courses on her site that are available right now. One is focused on getting out of the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder where triggers are negatively effecting your life. The second course is focused on getting rid of the anger and the forgiveness piece of the healing process. She is also working on a boundary course based off what she has been teaching in her meet up groups in her local area.
Local meet-up groups 00:20:09 - Tracy talks about her local meet-up groups. When she originally was looking for a support group there wasn’t one in her area. She was used to the “meet-up” group that she had used for other interests like the Wordpress group she was a member of. So she just started one on meetup.com and it quickly grew with people signing up to join. Within the first week there were 17 people signed up and on the first meeting they had 10 people. Tracy also talks about different areas you can use as space for the meeting. Before starting her first meeting she reached out to all the different narcissistic abuse recovery meet-up groups for advice. Tracy has noticed that in her meet-up group the people effected are different. Sometimes it’s all children of narcissist other times it’s half and half with divorce. A lot of people drive a couple of hours to attend the meeting.
Hosting Special Guests at the Meet-ups 00:25:17 - Tracy has also worked with various leaders in the narcissistic abuse recovery community to be guest speakers at the local meet ups. [Dr. Karyl McBride] was one such guest who has written “Will I ever Be Good Enough” and “Will I Ever Be Free of You?” To talk to the members of the group.
When you are questioning if you should go to a meet-up 00:25:51 - Tracy talks about the going to a meeting that might be a few hours a way. She recommends that you do it, even if once. Plus if you go and see how one is run then it will give you ideas on how to create your own support meet-up group in your local area. She also talks about how you don’t have to be a therapist or even a YouTuber to create a meet-up group in your area. We also talk about how the community of targeted people are generally really good empathic people. Tracy has a list of the current narcissistic abuse recovery meet-up groups which sadly only includes ones in the United States.
The website also has a therapist directory 00:30:12 - Tracy has also created a directory of other resources to include therapists from all over the world. Once a month she updates the list to keep the things current. The resources include the state provide services, blog post written by over 150 contributors, and books.
Helping you setup your own meet-up group 00:32:19 - Tracy is will to help others who are interested in setting up their own local groups. If you are interested in setting up your own group you can email Tracy and she will provide you help!
Tracy is working to influencers into her meetings 00:33:13 - During her meeting she’s also bringing other influencers in via remote Zoom meetings. A few weeks prior to the recording of this podcast she was able to bring [Ross Rosenberg] into the meet up. He created a presentation and recorded it for the audience. It was a combination of
Q&A and a presentation. As of the time of this podcast/show notes the video of this session has not been posted.
What is the next step in her journey 00:36:09 - Tracy talks about the next step in her journey and what she is planning to do for her community. Her next goal is to find ways to create funding to provide more services to her local and online community. She hopes to be able to provide a more robust service to help people who are struggling with this type of abuse. Tracy talks about as she works with the domestic violence community she’s getting a bigger picture view of the problem and ways she could further help. Tracy and Duane talk about the balance of doing this “part time” and growing these community into a self sustaining endeavor.
Parental Alienation and the local college 00:38:32 - Tracy recently met with a professor from her local area college that is working on gathering hard data concerning parental alienation. She has also given a TEDx talk concerning her findings her team and all the research. This professor is working on a peer reviewed paper in an effort to have parental alienation classified as domestic violence. Change is starting to occur and the awareness and data is helping to modify the way parental alienation is looked at within the family court system and public services. Tracy brings the conversation back around about why it is so important with the meet-ups to have people who understand what you are going through. It is so difficult when outsiders just can’t comprehend your personal experience.
You can find [Tracy interview with Professor Jennifer Harman] from the University of Colorado.
New quiz to help people identify what stage they are in 00:43:55 - Tracy and her team have developed a new quiz on the [www.narcissistabusesupport.com] site help people determine where they are at in the process. This then funnels them into the correct stage of information to help them the most in their healing process.
The link for the [Stage of Recovery Quiz]!
Free Drawing for one of Tracy’s Courses 00:45:38 - Tracy offers a free drawing for one lucky listen for either “Getting over the Anger” or the “PTSD Trigger Course”. To enter this drawing leave a comment on the post for the show notes of the podcast and say “#IWantToHeal” and one week after this show publishes I will pick one user at random to get one of the courses.
End of show wrap-up 00:46:46 - End of show wrap-up and a teaser for next week’s episode with Debbie Mirza the author of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist
Alex Falconi is the creator of the “Our Nevada Judges” website and “The Proper Person” YouTube channel. Alex started his journey as the result of a high conflict custody battle with his ex. His fight lasted nearly eight years but at the end of the case he won full custody and had his ex’s parental rights terminated. This resulted the creation of the website and youtube channel to help people going through similar experiences.
Links to find out more! * YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1fZ_IiAeIVmzSLh5MbJow * Website - https://www.ournevadajudges.com/home * DSD Livestream # with Alex - https://youtu.be/0sV0s-WCJy4 * Interview with Alex - https://youtu.be/YFAosjc1480
Table of Contents Introduction to Alex Falconi 01:17 - I introduce Alex and the various sites that he currently runs and supports. Alex and I met last year and he was the first person I ever interviewed on my YouTube channel. We have remained in contact over the year and this is the first time we’ve been able to meet in person to sit down and chat.
Family Court System and Representing Yourself 01:59 - Alex talks about his experience in the family court system and why he represented himself. He talks about how people think you should never represent yourself but that oftentimes it implies it is a choice. Typically it isn’t a choice and you are left with giving up or representing yourself. To represent yourself through a high conflict case it can cost well into the hundreds of thousands of dollars just because it becomes a game for the opponent. He also talks about his experience with the family court system wanting him to be “gainfully employed” and how that could have ruined his career by having to drop out of college.
What is the “Our Nevada Judges” website 05:59 - Alex explains the Our Nevada Judges web site and how the idea originally came about. He initially thought the system and laws were the problem but that was until he started winning appeals. Then he started to consider maybe the system wasn’t the problem maybe it was the judges weren’t applying the law correctly. Alex then started to research online to see how many mistakes the judges were making but he realize there was no information available about their records. The problem with the family court system is most people don’t appeal the judges decisions whereas criminals and civil there are routine appeals. The purpose of the site is to compile the data on the judges in the state of Nevada for how often their decisions are reverse. Alex talks about how some of the local judges have an error rate of 50% in having their decisions overturned.
It wasn’t a sprint it was a marathon 09:38 - Alex talks about the eight year process it took to fight in family court. It wasn’t a sprint it was a marathon to navigate the family court system, learn the process, and then to start winning appeals for errors made. During this time each appeal typically took six to nine months to get a ruling. Alex also talks about the instance where one appeal was won within three months and how the family court judge was shocked but the result.
How long as Our Nevada Judges been active 10:36 - Alex talks about how long the Our Nevada Judges website has been active and how it transitions in the early days to just a handful of judges and attorneys to where it is today. He started the site in May 2014 and how even though it was small it was still used and supported especially during the election cycles. Now the site has election data, term history, election history, results and includes a lot more detail there now within the site. The benefit of this system is how you can look up the data for your family court system to really understand who you are getting and what to expect. People have been able to use the site to do a Peremptory Challenge of Judges to get a new judge for their case.
The plans for the future 12:42 - Alex is planning to expand into the political area and is creating a site called Our Nevada Politicians to track the state legislature and the executive branch. This project is going to be more difficult because he won’t be able to rate they based on appeals. Instead the site will focus on their term history, election data, and their articles. He hopes some day to extend both sites to cover all 50 states. To expand into other states though he is going to need people manage and run those sites.
A lot of people say they are done and move on 15:01 - Alex talks about how once people are through they are done and don’t want to look back. People are churned through the system and once they get through nobody wants to go back and help the others through. He talks about the pattern he’s seen of people who “didn’t win” where they just gave up because the system failed them. This wasn’t because they fought in trial and lost but instead the system broke them down and they gave up. It’s hard to look at your situation and continue to have hope when everything looks so overwhelming. Alex talks about how originally he didn’t have the confidence to appeal decisions and early on he didn’t. It wasn’t until later that he realized he did have the ability to fight, and win.
Every loss with a high conflict ex empowers them 18:42 - Alex talks about how every loss, or perceived victory, with a high conflict narcissistic ex empowers them. It gives them fuel so you really have to pick carefully what you are going to take to court. With these personality types you “have to win” because it makes it worse if you lose. However, sometimes when you lose you don’t really because it gets overturned on appeal. Alex and Duane discuss how you don’t really get “your day in court” its more like your 5 minutes in court. There are so many cases that it is difficult for the family court judge to give more time and attention. Alex also talks about how, even though his judges started to “recognize” him it wasn’t an overall positive.
Family Court judges are prone to mistakes because lack of oversight 20:37 - Alex talks about the unique dilemma in Family Court where they are not challenged. In criminal and civil courts there are routine appeals so they are constantly reviewed. In family court people rarely appeal so the family court judges are operating without a lot of oversight. Criminal and Civil courts are getting appealed all the time so they are getting feedback from the Supreme Court. So when no one is watching the judges they become the upon themselves. We have to learn to use the law to our advantage. The only way to guarantee a review of their decision is with an appeal. The “appeal” is the only thing that requires a review other actions “might” be reviewed. You have to make sure you are appealing a mistake that was made but things like temporary orders can not.
What are the typical things people want to appeal but can not 23:42 - Alex answers the question of what people lately have bene trying to appeal which is contempt orders. In Nevada within the last ten years a ruling has been made that you can no longer appeal contempt orders you have to challenge them through writ petition. The second most common is people who want to appeal temporary orders. The third most common is when someone wants to appeal a decision that hasn’t been finalized.
Helping people to avoid a trap 25:09 - Alex discusses the channel of not providing “legal advice” to people but trying to help them avoid tramps. The goal is to help them so they don’t become jaded and quit the process.
What is the most common thing people are able to appeal 25:33 - Alex talks about the 3 things . The first thing is attorney fee sanctions when they lose a case. In Nevada that is not enough and there are specific criteria that has to be met to be forced to pay attorney fees. For attorney fees to be levied against you they have to show you filed without a reasonable basis which is really difficult to prove. The second most common is imputation of income. Judges routinely impute wages on child support that is something in Nevada you can’t do unless you satisfy two criteria that you are willfully unemployed and for the purpose of avoiding child support.
How does imputed wages effect the “stay at home” parent 29:41 - Alex talks about how the system in Nevada handles the stay at home parent and how the family court system does show a bias in these situations. He further discusses how the “paying” parent can be seriously effected if there is a change of circumstances and child support needs to be changed. In joint custody situations this law is not being evenly applied. The person who has a job is expected to stay employed and earning money and impact their ability to go to school and increase their earning potential. Couples who work together work as a team and are able to make decisions to improve their lives even if it means making less money, but in family court that routinely is not allowed.
Advice for people at the beginning stages 35:06 - Alex provides his thoughts and advice for people just starting out in a high conflict divorce. His first peace of advice is that you should not “wig it” when preparing for a family custody case. A lot of times people feel if something doesn’t “go right” they can go back and fix it later. Court doesn’t work that way, you need to put all of your attention into your case now. Alex also advises you learn as much as you can about the different terms and mechanisms so you understand the process and what is going on. The final piece of advice that Alex offers is this, when it comes down to it what works in court is “the law”. The only thing that controls the courtroom is the law and learning it as best you can is what you need to do.
The Proper Person YouTube Channel 44:05 - Alex discusses his YouTube channel “The Proper Person” and why he started to put the knowledge there to help people. One of the purpose of the channel is to provide those terms are and what all of this means. If you don’t know anything you are going into court with a hand and leg tied behind your back. You have to know as much as you possibly can. The judges don’t have time to help you through the process. You can take a lot more control over your case than you think.
Podcast wrap-up 45:37 - Duane’s closes out the show and shares Alex’s links for more information
John Steinbeck the author of Brainwashing Children who runs a highly successful parental alienation support group on Facebook called the same is a strong advocate in helping alienated parents reunite with their children. His content provides proven methods to slowly repair the damage of the alienated child and restore the bonds that were once there.
Links to find out more! FaceBook - [https://www.facebook.com/brainwashingchildren/]
YouTube - [Brainwashing Children]
Brainwashing Children the Books - [http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/book/]
Show Table of Contents Introduction to John 00:53:14 - John Steinbeck from Brainwashing Children joins us to talk about his story and how he persevered through a difficult parental alienation campaign and how he ultimately repaired his relationship with his son and mitigated the attacks. We also discuss the humorous story of how we “met” basically twice through two different avenues without realizing it. John also tells the story of how he became a social influencer and author on parental alienation.
How quickly he started seeing results 00:08:10 - John talks about the results he started to see once he changed his approach in dealing with his son and the parental alienation. He also discusses the issues, such as the post visitation shakedown and how that makes it more difficult for our children. He could see a change in his son within the first two months of changing his technique. John also discusses how important self-control, to not “attack the problem”, bite our lip, and concentrate on having a good time with your child.
Learning about narcissistic personality traits 00:11:01 - John discusses the importance of learning about narcissistic personality traits and personality disorders to help you understand what you are going through. These parental alienating exes all play from the same playbook and when you understand you can predict what they are going to do. John talks about how when he is talking to someone going through this he can rattle off 90% of the traits that the ex is doing to alienate and corrupt the parent-child relationship.
The fatal mix - they want to win 00:14:05 - John talks about the fatal mix where the narcissistic ex has a deep lack of empathy and wants to win at all costs and it doesn’t matter who they hurt in the process. He also talks about the thought process for “their anger” and how even though we are angry, hurt, bitter we do not do the same thing and use our children in the same way. The narcissistic ex is happy when their child is suffering and crying because of the alienation toward the other parent. He also discusses the long term impact to our children when they suffer through parental alienation.
Everything “back to normal” with options and opinions 00:17:01 - John speaks about the two year process to get things back to normal with his son and to mitigate the damaged caused by the parental alienation of his mother. It took his son gaining maturity and realizing that when hanging around dad he knew what to expect. John also used O&O which stands for “options and opinion” so his son knew he had input into what they were going to do and he wasn’t being forced to do something that he really did not want to do.
The Court System Failed 00:20:15 - John discusses his experience with the family court system. John is a commercial pilot and as a result his schedule is not fixed. He went to the court asking for the “airline pilot possession order” to enable him to see his son when he was off work and it was denied. Even with this setback John was able to persevere and continue to develop and repair the relationship with his son.
Water off a ducks back 00:22:33 - John talks about how he approached his situation and after the family court system enabled the continued parental alienation he was able to focus on his relationship with his son. It is important to learn how to “bite your lip” and “pick your battles” when your child parrots what the alienating parent is saying.
Stepping Back From the relationship 00:24:12 - John discusses how he took a “break” from his son and by keeping the lines of communication open his son reached out to him. When his son was around 11 or 12 the drama was non-stop and it was effecting all areas of John’s life. During this time they took about a year and a half break from seeing each other. John’s secret was he still called him every few weeks and checked in on him. The key is to not completely withdraw from your children.
How visitation ultimately changed 00:28:00 - After taking the break and with his son asking to see him John would let his son know when he was going to be in town. His son would then ask to see his dad and ultimately enabled visitation that he was seeking, and was denied, through the family court system. The key was to communicate directly with his son and allow him to decide when he wanted to see his dad.
Turning something good from something awful 00:33:45 - John talks about how this experience has created something very helpful and healing for other people out of this experience. He has shared with his son how every bad experience in his life has led to something good. This also enables you to show them contrast and to be more aware of options and choices in ones own lives.
John’s plan going forward 00:37:31 - John discusses his future plans going forward and where he intends to take his platform. He is building his YouTube channel discussing parental alienation. He is also launching his own podcast in the next couple of months called Unbrainwashed. John spends most of his time on his Facebook page because there is where he has the most traction.
Leslie Powers from Spiritual Empowered joins us to talk about her journey from narcissistic abuse survivor to life coach and social influencer. Leslie hosts a daily FaceBook live to help people start their day along with YouTube videos dedicated to healing the wounds of emotional abuse and enabling her viewers to build an empowered life!
Links to find out more! FaceBook - [https://www.facebook.com/empowerandthrive]
YouTube - [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsEaTDlh3kfgl17DnaRFW2g]
Spiritually Untamed - [https://amzn.to/2KhdNkY]
Journey with an overt narcissist 00:28:20 - Leslee talks about her journey starting with an overt narcissistic personality type and how that relationship effected her life. Even though she was a very strong person and was okay with not “needing” someone she still was entrapped by her ex.
And then there was the covert narcissist 00:20:30 - Leslee talks about her next relationship which was completely different. She met and started a relationship with a covert narcissist who didn’t “set off” the same red flags as her previous relationship. Although different, this relationship was equally damaging.
The Post Knowledge Crash 00:26:18 - Leslee talks about her struggle after learning about narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse. A common problem people experience is the “crash” after you learn about this complex.
Coming into her own spirituality 00:31:38 - Leslee discusses her journey to into spiritually and how she started down this path. It started with life couching and then grew within the courses she was taking and started learning about her own spirituality.
The post recovery perspective 00:37:45 - Leslee talks about how ultimately she is grateful for these difficult experiences and how it forced her to re-evaluate and ultimately improve her life.
Repairing our wounds 00:41:59 - Leslee talks about when she was ready to look at her own faults and how she arrived at this point. This is a difficult stage and one that you can only really enter when you are ready. If you start this phase too soon it can be damaging for you and your healing. Now when she confronts an internal problem she is excited about the “treat” that you get when you work through it.
Using “your voice” to help others 00:46:56 - Leslee discusses her journey to “go public” with her message and then how that lead into a coaching career to help others to empower and regain their own lives.
The pivot to the positive 00:56:38 - Leslee talks about her initial struggles with the channel and her decision to change the focus from validation to growth and the ultimate success she has had with “her tribe” in helping them achieve positive results in their own lives.
Spiritual Untamed her Book 01:04:41 - Leslee talks about her book
Final Thoughts 01:05:10 - Leslee imparts advice for people in the middle of the narcissistic abuse recovery process. She encourages people to be kind to themselves and to put themselves first when rebuilding their lives