Becoming Boundaried: Recent Episodes
Master Life Coach-Krista Resnick
Welcome to Becoming Boundaried, the podcast that teaches you how to say YES to the space you need and the connection you crave.
Here’s the truth: You were created to live a purposeFULL life, But somewhere along the way, you got caught up in saying YES to everyone BUT you. The purpose and confidence you crave in life starts with mastering the art of boundaries and speaking your truth.
This show is all about learning to live free, speak your truth and enjoy the relationships around you. All of that comes from mastering the art of boundaries and speaking your truth.
As humans, we simply cannot operate at full speed 24/7/....but how many of us try?
I know I'm guilty of pushing myself to the maximum capacity trying to do more, have more, be more and squeeze it all in. But somewhere along the way, we begin to shut down. We simply are not hardwired to push and prove all day everyday. Our health takes a toll, a relationship crashes and burns or we find ourselves continually missing things in our kids lives that we never would have dreamed we would miss when we first held them in our arms.
Today's guest Alyssa Celetto is the Founder of Fabulous Nutrition. Alyssa helps moms who want to take control of their health naturally, nourish their body and change the way they see food, relax into more restorative sleep and be free to enjoy life more -even with a long list of projects to accomplish.
She is a registered dietitian-nutritionist who loves all food and believes that it is unnecessary to sacrifice the foods we love to consider ourselves healthy. What I love about Alyssa is that she deeply appreciates the value of life, recognizing that we only get to go around this beautiful planet ONCE. She is committed to helping women sustain the energy and strength to pursue all the things they love with the people they love for as long as possible.
Alyssa and I have a great conversation about self care in general and how we can easily weave food into our daily life to nourish and sustain us in order to contribute to the world in the way that we were destined to do.
Listen to Discover:
- How Alyssa defines self care
- What gets in the way of self care
- How to deal with guilt when it comes to self care
- Why self care is vital
As adults we need to learn how to advocate for our own self care and not feel guilty about it. I hope this episode gives you permission to make the shift from not owning your needs and your own self care to taking your power back and putting self care on the front burner of your life.
"We are losing our sense of connection with self, we are losing our sense of self nourishment and self care." ~ Krista Resnick
"Our values and beliefs need to be considered when we're making a decision of how we want to eat and how we decide to carry out our daily life." ~Alyssa Celotto
"For much of my life. I didn't have space. It was stimulus, react, stimulus, reactive stimulus, react." ~Krista Resnick
"Part of my healing has been learning to create space. " ~Krista Resnick
"I lived for close to 40 years as though my life and everything in it was urgent." ~Krista Resnick
"We get used to living in this stressful state." ~Alyssa Celotto
"Self Care is the awareness of one's physical, mental and emotional needs at any given time, and consciously serving those needs." ~Alyssa Celotto
"We need rest, we need the time to be able to move our bodies. We need time to be able to care for ourselves, so that we can have the strength and energy to continue to support others." ~Alyssa Celotto
"If I notice that I'm feeling guilty, I can ask myself, Am I really doing something wrong?" ~Alyssa Celotto
"Preparing a meal has like meditative components to it." ~Alyssa Celotto
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook
Alyssa Celetto | Alyssa's Self Care Planner | Instagram | Facebook
Anger and shame Two emotions that I don't know if any of us have been taught to like let alone embrace.
My friend and guest today, Karla McLaren loves both anger and shame because they are powerful messages that lead us to deeper healing and growth. We've been taught to stay away from these beautiful emotions for so many reasons, but they are truly here to give us feedback and help us grow.
Karla McLaren, M.Ed., is an award-winning author, researcher, workplace consultant, and empathy expert. Her grand unified theory of emotions revalues even the most “negative” emotions and opens new pathways to self-awareness, effective communication, and healthy empathy.
When it comes to setting boundaries, Karla teaches us that anger is essential because it points us to our values and the things that matter to us. As she shares with us, shame helps us to live up to the morals, codes and agreements that we've made. Unfortunately, many of us learned about shame by being shamed.
In this episode Karla shares with us some valuable ways to understand our anger and our shame so that we can use it to set healthy boundaries for ourselves and create healthier relationships and satisfying lives.
Karla will have you looking at both anger and shame in a whole new lens. And once we begin to see both of these emotions in a different light, they become less scary and have much less of a hold on us. In fact, we can start to use them as they were actually designed for.
Listen to Discover:
- What anger is and why it is such a valuable emotion
- Why we fear big emotions like anger and shame
- Why we blame emotions for causing problems, when in fact, emotions arise to help us deal with problems.
- Why anger and shame are essential emotions for setting healthy boundaries.
- Why we blame these emotions (anger and shame) for people’s lack of emotional skills.
"Shame helps me live up to the morals, ethics and agreements that I've made. And if I start to step out of true with that, shame is going to say "Hey, what, hold on, there's some things going on here."-Karla McLaren
"When you are a friend, you are that trusted person that is you've been brought into my too deeply into my circle." -Krista Resnick
"I think a lot of times when people hear the word boundaries, they see a brick wall." -Karla McLaren
"Anger represents what we value, what we stand for. What matters to us." -Krista Resnick
"Anger, is a deeply loving emotion. You can't have a healthy relationship unless you have your anger working well." -Karla McLaren
" I define boundaries as who I am in this world, and what's important to me." -Karla McLaren
"When we can't access or have trouble accessing our anger, we will inevitably have trouble activating implementing our boundaries." -Krista Resnick
"Anger is the emotion that helps us set boundaries." -Karla McLaren
"We've been taught extensively not to pay attention to our emotions. We've been taught that there's such a thing as a negative emotion, which is nonsense." -Karla McLaren
"Anger doesn't have a violence component to it. But most of us have only seen anger as violence." -Karla McLaren
Krista Resnick | The BOLD Experience
Karla McLaren | Empathy Academy
This episode is about overcoming people-pleasing patterns and getting into alignment with who you truly are. Today's caller, Theresa recognizes she has people pleasing patterns, but finds that when conflict arises-she immediately steps in to save the day. She is exhausted and disappointed by always doing what she thinks will make other people happy. If you are a people pleaser, this is an important call for you to listen to.
People-pleasing is a pattern that begins when we form a belief at a young age that we get more validation and love and avoid criticism or punishment if we are good and doing what others want us to do. It begins as a pattern at a very early age but it’s just a pattern. It is not who we are. It’s not an aspect of our personality or soul expression. People pleasing can show up many different ways-for some of us it's always wanting to be seen doing good, for others it's always wanting to be seen achieving and striving and for other's its doing whatever they can to avoid conflict. This was the case for my caller Theresa.
She wants to be in a loving two sided relationship, but she can't seem to advocate for herself and stop making it her job to manage others. Theresa did not grow up in a home that modeled conflict in a healthy manner-everything was shoved under the rug and never really 'dealt' with. Conflict does not have to equal violence. Conflict can be a beautiful way to share your feelings and your needs within relationships and work together to get those needs met. It's important to remember that just because conflict feels bad doesn't mean it is bad and it's not something we need to be afraid of or shy away from. Conflict actually helps us to pause and examine what is important to us, what are we 'fighting for?' However, when it's never been modeled for you, conflict can in fact feel terrifying. Learning how to move through conflict by speaking up for yourself is so vital for setting boundaries and breaking the people pleasing patterns.
Before listening to this episode, consider:
- What was modeled in your household growing up in terms of conflict?
- Do you spend more time fixing others than being on your own side of the street?
- Does it make you uncomfortable when other people have big emotions?
- Do you freeze or shutdown when you think someone is upset?
Links
Live Coaching | Krista Resnick
We talk a lot in today's world about being 'empowered' but what does that actually mean? Today's guest, Marta Spirk certainly knows a thing or two about what it takes to empower yourself and that's what today's show is all about.
After the surprise and blessing of triplets in 2016, she found a passion for encouraging and empowering women - as she learned to encourage and empower myself through the hardships of adult (and triplet) life.
Marta helps women to stop spinning their wheels trying random personal development resources, and finally learn to boost confidence and grow their business by looking at their most valuable resource - THEMSELVES!.
In this episode, empowerment coach Marta Spirk shares with us her 5 step framework of how to empower yourself.
Listen to Discover:
- How Marta came up with her 5 step process
- Why the power of forgiveness Is such an important part of feeling empowered
- One of the #1 things that steals our power (and it's something we don't even realize)
- Why you don't always need to have your steps planned out-sometimes your plan reveals itself to you as you MOVE
- How Marta moved through the challenging circumstances when family disapproved of her choices to move forward with her career
"If you start changing your thoughts, your reality is going to change, because YOU create your reality." ~Marta Spirk
"If you want empowered kids, you need to empower yourself because more than likely, your kids aren't going to listen to you. They're gonna watch what you're doing, and then that's what they know. So ultimately that's what they're going to end up doing." ~Marta Spirk
"If you want empowered kids, empower yourself." ~Marta Spirk
"In order to take your power back, you need to realize what has taken your power from you. And often you are giving it away to patterns of resentment that you don't even know are there. " ~Marta Spirk
"Allow yourself to brag about things because if you don't, then who will?" ~Marta Spirk
Krista Resnick | Monthly Group Coaching | Ask for Anything Guide
Marta Spirk | The Empowered Woman Book | Instagram | Facebook
Hey Gorgeous!
Welcome to Make The Shift Podcast (formerly known as Becoming Boundaried).
This past year in particular I have grown so much personally. I've shed more beliefs, shifted more paradigms and cultivated more peace and freedom than ever before. While boundary work is still vital to my coaching practice and something I will always coach and teach....solely focusing on boundaries alone was starting to feel a bit stifling and out of alignment. And just like I coach my clients and tell you-let's makes some shifts to get back in alignment.
So as a seasoned coach, I know that many of the things we desire in life require 'making a shift'- a shift in our thinking, our beliefs, our behaviors, a shift in what we ask for, or the actions we take, a shift in what we think we deserve.
That’s what this podcast is all about. Each week I’ll be sharing live coaching sessions, personal tips, and expert interviews designed to empower you to become an incredible leader in your life, relationships and love.
So together-let’s get ready to make the shift.
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook | Ask For Anything Guide
Sometimes it can feel like there is so much at stake when we set healthy boundaries. Especially when there are outside influences that appear to have control over our situation.
Often family members can especially triggering. We have a lot of history with them and they know exactly what buttons to push (sometimes purposely but more often subconsciously). There are so many old patterns and programs we run with family members it can sometimes feel like we “regress” after just a few minutes or hours in their presence.
However, on some level- I believe we choose our family to help us evolve and grow in the ways we need. They are our teachers and often issues with family put us on our awakening path. Boundaries with family members are a great way to practice integrating all the tools you have learned on your personal development journey.
You are the one to stop not doing the martyr thing. You are the one to not be coerced by guilt or obligation disguised as “love.” You are the one to end the addiction cycle. You are the one to break free of limiting beliefs, and scarcity thinking. You are the one to end abuse. You are the one who is raising your children differently. You are the one to opt out of dysfunctional and toxic dynamics. You are the one who truly understands love.
And remember, love is unconditional but relationships have conditions. Just because someone is a relative or partner does not give them permission to treat you with disrespect or even be in your life. Consider what boundaries it may be time to set with certain people. Make this the year that you say “no more” to just tolerating crappy behavior and things being said to you.
This week on the podcast I spoke to Blessing who wants to know how to set healthy boundaries where there is coercive control that include campaigns of silence and stonewalling. We talked about all of the things Blessing is doing right already, and how she will need to start thinking and behaving if she wants to be the one to break the cycle with her family and move forward with her life.
Listen if you want to learn how to break old patterns and set healthy boundaries with challenging people in your life.
Before you listen consider:
- Are you a rule follower because you experienced a chaotic childhood and now playing by the rules helps you to feel safe?
- Do you struggle with guilt even around little things like making decisions that are necessary such as taking care of yourself?
- Was there a lot of chaos in your childhood home with out the witnessing of repair work?
- Do you consider yourself boundary-less? Someone who literally cannot set a boundary if their life depended on it?
- Do you settle for any little breadcrumb of attention because you are so hungry for love and validation?
"There are times where we do need to be careful who we are being vulnerable and open with and giving our hearts to if we know that they have a pattern of not being able to hold us and meet us, in our in our most vulnerable places."~Krista Resnick
"All of us want to be seen, be heard, be loved. We want to belong." ~Krista Resnick
"As long as we're in relationship with other people, there's going to be disruption, there's always gonna be conflict. That's just how relationships works. This is why learning how to repair is vital." ~Krista Resnick
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook
If you grew up socialized as a woman, and you identify as a highly sensitive person, there's a good chance that you suffer from what is referred to as 'good girl' conditioning."Good girl" is a phrase tossed around a lot on social media these days and it's something that most of my clients struggle with deeply.
In this episode, my intention is to unpack my version of what good girl conditioning means to me.
This is a mask I know all too well. Plagued by my own insecurity and unworthiness, I wore the mask of good girl to appease and belong. I never wanted to ruffle a single feather. However the costs of the good girl reeked havoc on every area of my life and my relationships.
Before listening to this episode consider:
- Were you taught that if you stayed small, followed the rules, obeyed, and didn’t question that you would stay safe and be protected?
- Were you taught to stay in good favor with others even at the cost of your own self betrayal?
- Do you secretly feel resentment toward others in your life?
- Do you NEVER experience any sort of conflict in your life?
- Are you a rule follower to the extreme?
- Do you have to always get things perfect before putting them out into the world.
If so, you might be wearing the mask of the good girl. In this episode I share two simple and potent exercises for helping you being to explore how this might show up in your life and where it can be blocking you from everything you deserve.
"The good girl focuses on being polite, virtuous, palatable, pretty, youthful, respectful and respectable ... at the cost of her soul, values, desires, and her authenticity."~Krista Resnick
"Right now, the world is crying out for more women to heal from this good girl conditioning and can access their full intuition, creativity and agency and lead from a place of fierce compassion."~Krista Resnick
Krista Resnick | Apply to Work with Me
If you grew up socialized as a woman, and you identify as a highly sensitive person, there's a good chance that you suffer from what is referred to as 'good girl' conditioning.
"Good girl" is a phrase tossed around a lot on social media these days and it's something that most of my clients struggle with deeply.
In this episode, my intention is to unpack my version of what good girl conditioning means to me.
This is a mask I know all too well. Plagued by my own insecurity and unworthiness, I wore the mask of good girl to appease and belong. I never wanted to ruffle a single feather. However the costs of the good girl reeked havoc on every area of my life and my relationships.
Before listening to this episode consider:
- Were you taught that if you stayed small, followed the rules, obeyed, and didn’t question that you would stay safe and be protected?
- Were you taught to stay in good favor with others even at the cost of your own self betrayal?
- Do you secretly feel resentment toward others in your life?
- Do you NEVER experience any sort of conflict in your life?
- Are you a rule follower to the extreme?
- Do you have to always get things perfect before putting them out into the world.
If so, you might be wearing the mask of the good girl. In this episode I share two simple and potent exercises for helping you being to explore how this might show up in your life and where it can be blocking you from everything you deserve.
"The good girl focuses on being polite, virtuous, palatable, pretty, youthful, respectful and respectable ... at the cost of her soul, values, desires, and her authenticity."~Krista Resnick
"Right now, the world is crying out for more women to heal from this good girl conditioning and can access their full intuition, creativity and agency and lead from a place of fierce compassion."~Krista Resnick
Krista Resnick | Apply to Work with Me
Have you ever caught yourself saying, "A part of me wants to start getting up early and meditating and a part of wants to keep sleeping."Or, "A part of me wants to go the part on Friday night, but a part of me wants to curl up in bed with a bowl of ice cream and binge out for hours on Netflix."Well, you aren't crazy-these are 'your parts.' Parts work otherwise known as Internal Family Systems (a model of therapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz) is one of the most incredible healing modalities that I have ever seen truly help people transform their lives. Today's guest, Tammy Sollenberger is a certified IFS therapist and author of "The One Inside" a book that helps you to get to know your own parts on a deeper more personal level.In this episode, Tammy helps us understand our parts, why and how they developed and how they show up in our lives to help us. While sometimes they seem really annoying and even disturbring (like our over-drinking parts, codependent parts, inner critic parts, self doubt parts, good girl parts)-they really play an integral role in our lives. Parts often lurk in the background and until we can get curious about and even learn to love them for the role they play, it will feel like a never ending battle. We are so accustomed to fixing, changing, blaming, shaming and analyzing ourselves to death. Quite frankly, it's exhausting! When we learn to meet our parts with a soft curiousity and even compassion-it is truly the missing piece!Listen to learn: What IFS or Parts work is What makes it different than other therapy modalities Why parts develop What parts roles are The different types of parts How you can work with your parts to help them soften and create what it is that you crave in your life"We end up in marriages and relationships and wonder, "Why aren't our needs ever being met, why don't I have any feelings about this or that? And why do my relationships suck?" Well, it could be there are parts of you that have learned this is how you have to be in relationships in order to be loved." ~Tammy Sollenberger"Our parts can be exhausting, because they work endlessly to ensure that we never feel rejected abandoned or alone." ~Tammy Sollenberger"What I also love so much about IFS is that it provides you a different lens to view the world and other people. When you start to see other people's parts you start to understand Oh, he's not actually acting that way because he's a legit jerk, We start to understand Oh, there's a part showing up here." ~Krista Resnick Krista Resnick | Instagram |FacebookTammy Sollenberger | The One Inside Book | Instagram | The One Inside Podcast
Do you sometimes struggle to have your voice heard, to take up space and to communicate in a way that really own who you are?
So many of us bought into the belief that our voices don't matter. And yet voice is a way for us to communicate our boundaries, our needs and our truth. The way we speak is a direct correlation to our confidence and self worth.
Today's guest, Brienne Hennessy is the Founder of Your Vocal Vitality, a highly-sought after Vocal Empowerment Guide, and bestselling Author. She expertly guides women executives, entrepreneurs and speakers to communicate with more aligned presence, speak frequently without fatigue or strain, and listen to their intuitive inner voice to show up as their truest selves. Brienne’s clients have succeeded in protecting the vital asset of their voice to increase speaking voice stamina and improve their communication and ease with their audiences, which has resulted in more public speaking prowess and profit for their businesses! Her mission: elevate voice health holistically and enhance self-worth via your unique voice!
My goal with this episode is to take something a tool that we utilize every day (our voice) and consider HOW we are using it. It's an opportunity to take a closer look at how your voice might be a reflection of where you are holding back, playing the good girl and minimizing your truth.
"I believe women can connect to their self worth via their voice." ~Brienne Hennessy
"To be heard means to listen to yourself and hear yourself first." ~Brienne Hennessy
" I believe it's a real battle to create rich relationships in your life, when you haven't taken the time to deeply connect with yourself." ~Krista Resnick
"One of my main convictions is love your voice love yourself."~ Brienne Hennessy
Krista Resnick | Website | Instagram | Facebook
Brienne Hennessy | Website | Facebook | Linkedin
To get in touch with Brienne for her VIP day, email her directly at brienne@yourvocalvitality.com
Do you ever feel confused by your relationship with alcohol? You may be thinking that you don't necessarily have a 'problem' per se, but curious as to why you keep reaching for something that you know deep down is keeping you from feeling the way you want to feel. The truth is that alcohol in and of itself isn't necessarily a 'bad thing.' We drink to have fun, be social, celebrate and connect with one another. However, there can be a fine line between having fun and being social and recognizing that there might be a bigger issue at hand. Today's guest, Sherry B. Price, PharmD, MBA, APh, BCPS is a women’s empowerment coach, pharmacist, and creator of the Drink Less Lifestyle. She helps women kick the over-drinking habit and regain confidence and control around alcohol while creating a life they love. I recognize that this can be a tender topic and I love the gentleness and grace that Dr. Sherry approaches something so touchy with. In this episode I am chatting with Dr. Sherry about her own relationship with alcohol and what led her to realize that maybe she did need to re-examine how she was approaching it. Dr. Sherry breaks down Gray Area Drinking: Does it have to be an all or nothing approach? Getting to the Root of the Problem: why most efforts to cut back or stop overdrinking fail. Why Getting Help is Taboo Other Options for Help outside of preventative AND MORE!If you're ready to explore your relationship with alcohol (or anything you might do in excess), you won't want to miss this episode. "Life is about expressing our fullness and not having to rely on a substance to be able to do that for us." Sherry Price"I never thought my drinking was that severe, yet it was more than I wanted." Sherry Price"I was a gray area drinker. Meaning, I wasn't so severe that I needed to do rehab or check in somewhere. But it was definitely impacting certain areas of my life." Sherry Price"I'm not quite an alcoholic. So these options (rehab, day treatment programs) don't work. But then what other help is there?" Sherry Price"I always thought it was a drinking problem. And the more I thought it was a drinking problem, the more I focused on the alcohol, and putting rules around my drinking like- I'm not going to have it Monday through Thursday, but I'll allow myself to have it Friday and Saturday. However, the truth was that I wasn't doing the inner work. I wasn't looking at what was causing the desire for my excessive drinking." Sherry Price"If what's driving you to drink is a painful marriage or something else going on in your life. Let's work on that." Sherry Price"What's your go to? Check in with yourself and evaluate.. when I become really triggered, stressed or overwhelmed. What do I reach for?" Krista Resnick"It's about your relationship with alcohol. Perhaps it's worth asking the question-Why I'm choosing to grab that glass?" Krista ResnickKrista Resnick | Website | Instagram | FacebookDr. Sherry Price | Website | Instagram | Facebook | You Tube
Elise Knox is a life and wellness coach, yoga teacher, and former middle school teacher who works with moms and teens. She is fascinated by brain development and the nervous system and believes that understanding these two things can make teen years so much easier for mamas and teens.
Elise offers mama centered and teen centered coaching packages. Her mission is to bring enjoyment back into family relationships by helping her clients connect with themselves so that they can stay connected to their loved ones.
In today's episode, we talk about all things boundaries, teens and so much more. I have a passion for parents staying connected to their kids during those turbulent years (having raised 3 of them myself) so this episode is near and dear to my heart.
Before listening to this episode consider:
- Do you want to feel more connected to your teen?
- Do you feel disempowered and even a bit hesitant in your parenting?
- Do you often struggle to find the words and compassionately communicate with your child?
- Do you feel disconnected and distant from your teen?
- Are you challenged to know what healthy boundaries should look like when it comes to your teen?
"There's so many aspects to being a parent of a teen that are challenging." ~Elise Knox
"I think teens get a bad rap. When you meet with them one on one, the depth and the width in the knowledge and the capacity in these young people is amazing." ~Elise Knox
"When it comes to mom's of teens, one of the best thing a mother can do is to be connected to herself. So often we are busy fixing problems or worrying about our kids, but ultimately our own cup has to be full in order to meet our teen and her needs." ~Elise Knox
LINKS FROM EPISODE
Krista Resnick
Elise Knox | Instagram | 7 Days of Connection with your Teen
I can't think of a better time to release this episode than the New Year. So many of us want to create beautiful things in this fresh season, yet we struggle with comparison, convincing ourselves that we don't have the right skill set to share our gifts. Or we struggle with fear, believing that we aren't smart enough or qualified to share our opinions and our wisdom. This doesn't move the needle forward on anything our hearts desire and it leaves us feeling hopeless, insecure and disappointed.
That's why this discussion with Susan Barber, Visibility Coach, author and podcaster is so imperative right now.
Susan and I chat about all things visibility whether it's being more visible in your marriage, friendships, community or corporation. She has put together a simple framework that people can use to begin being visible in their own style, and authenticity. What I love about this dialogue is how honest and vulnerable Susan is with her own struggle to be visible. I learned so much from this discussion and I have no doubt you will too.
Before listening consider:
- Are you being visible in your relationships, in your communities, in your marriage?
- Do you have a tendency to hide yourself, to placate and play small?
- Do you find yourself constantly working, staying busy, and having a full calendar?
- Do you find yourself battling imposter syndrome-thinking you’re not smart enough, good enough, need to know more before you speak up?
- Do you doubt yourself and your capabilities?
- Do you want to come out of your shell and play bigger this year?
Listen to Learn:
- What visibility is
- Why visibility matters
- Why we sometimes struggle to be visible.
- How to begin to release perfectionism so you can be visible in the way that you desire.
- Simple tips to start being more visible and having a presence whether it's in the boardroom OR your life.
“Two words I have embraced for myself…imperfect action!” ~Susan Barber
“I never really knew how to trust myself. I didn't know how to trust that I was doing the right things, I would always wait for someone else to tell me.” ~Susan Barber
“The baby steps in between that actually get us from A to B.” ~Susan Barber
“Feedback can help you amplify your potential.”~Krista Resnick
CLEAR IS KIND VISION PLANNING PARTY-BOUNDARY STYLE
SUSAN BARBER
The Visibility Book
The Visibility Factor Podcast
2023...WHO are you going to become? What are you going to create with your life?
This podcast is an absolute must listen for all of you wanting to cultivate something different in your life this year.
Listen to learn:
- The powerful questions I use to get clarity on what I'm creating in the next few months or year
- The #1 question everyone needs to ask themselves if they want to experience something different in 2023
- Why trying to do everything doesn't work, but what does work instead.
"Taking the feedback from our own life is a powerful tool-otherwise, we are carrying all that didn't work so well for us into 2023."~Krista Resnick
"In 2023, who are you going to become?" ~Krista Resnick
"Sometimes, the very first place we need to start is giving ourselves permission to stop trying to do it all. To stop saying yes to everyone else, so that you can make your highest contribution towards the things that are essential....the things that actually matter to you." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS MENTIONED IN SHOW
Clear is Kind Vision Planning Party-Boundary Style
I created this process of reflection a few years ago because truthfully, it was exactly what I needed. I spent so much time forging ahead into the New Year, ready to ditch the past and leave everything behind. I watch many people do the same. I want to encourage you to reconsider and try something different. There is so much rich information in the feedback of your life. And when we don't take the time to complete it, we limit our ability to move forward. We continue into the new year gangbusters style, hoping and wishing for a new things, yet we don't realize that we are carrying with us old behaviors, habits and patterns from the past.
Listen to Learn:
- Why feedback is a power tool in creating from a place of deep clarity
- Why so many people are afraid to collect feedback from their life
- The exact deep journaling questions I use (and you will too now) to collect the rich information you need to move forward into 2023 from a place of clarity and alignment
- How to create a life that feels expansive and meaningful (I call this following my energetic breadcrumbs)
Clear Is Kind Vision Planning Party-Boundary Style
Have you ever set a goal or wanted something in life but 3 days later you found yourself "sabotaging" the very thing you say you are after?
Have you ever felt like you were stuck somewhere between wanting to lose weight and eating the oreos, wanting to be more connected with your kids yet staring into a device once again at the dinner table or wanting to commit to a spiritual practice, but never following through?
Welcome to being HUMAN!!!! We live with these conflictual parts inside of us each and everyday. We find ourselves often doing things we don't want to do and don't even like-especially when we are under stress.
This takes a huge toll on our self worth and our life.
But these parts are not who we are. Our true Self is our God Image-the part of us that is courageous, compassionate, curious and calm.
In this episode I explain why I don't believe we actually self sabotage and why we really aren't stuck like we think we are.
This is one episode you won't want to miss!
Listen to Learn:
- Why I don't believe in self sabotage
- Why we aren't stuck like we think we are
- What our true essence really is
- Why we "self -sabotage"
"Vague vision equals vague results." ~Krista Resnick
"The idea of stuckness seems to almost be a part of the human condition." ~Krista Resnick
"We're really not sabotaging as much as we are protecting." ~Krista Resnick
"Asking for support is one of the most courageous, courageous, brave things you can do." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS IN EPISODE:
APPLY TO WORK WITH ME
CLEAR IS KIND VISION PLANNING-BOUNDARY STYLE
Today's podcast was inspired by an question I received from a podcast listener-"Hi Krista! I've been wondering how to deal with the guilt that comes from not wanting to meet and greet elders who I no longer look up to due to their harmful behavior." Here in India, in my family, we women ought to respect and tolerate elders (even if they are mean). I'm wondering how I can slyly get through this without much heartburn or drama!
Sound familiar? Do you struggle with guilt? If so, you are not alone. We are taught from an early age to take responsibility for how other people feel.
“Susan-how do you think that made that person feel?” "Abby, go say your sorry." "Sarah, just look at how Debbie feels-that's terrible that you said that!"
Many times, our caregivers and parents meant well, but if our younger childhood parts experienced mis-attunement, disconnection, or were not offered the core needs of safety, love, connection, belonging, and understanding by our caregivers in childhood, an inner child wound is formed.
This can often shows up in adulthood as a deep feeling of guilt, fear of abandonment, lack of trust, and/or self-neglect. Guilt drives our behavior to feeling a level of obligation-committing to things and people that we aren't necessarily excited about committing to and in essence creating lives that are mediocre rather than a life coming from a place of a FULL YES!!!
Listen to Learn:
- What guilt is
- Why guilt is actually a healthy feeling
- What guilt is designed to do
- Where guilt comes from
- A three step tool to help you move through guilt and say YES to the things that light your soul on fire (rather than commit to things because of an obligation).
"While we can’t physically go back in time and change the past, we can be present to how our past impacts us today and choose to show up for ourselves/heal the younger parts of us that are wounded. " ~Krista Resnick
"If your younger parts experienced mis-attunement, disconnection, or were not offered the core needs of safety, love, connection, belonging, and understanding by our caregivers in childhood, an inner child wound is formed."~ Krista Resnick
"We are taught from an early age to take responsibility for how other people feel."~Krista Resnick
"Guilt has a specific purpose-it has a specific job. Just like fear. Fear is designed to keep us safe-don’t run toward the bear, don’t run off that cliff." ~Krista Resnick
"Guilt is designed to re-route behavior."~Krista Resnick
Links from this Episode
Application to Work with Me
Today's podcast was inspired by a listener named Jan. Here is what she wrote-"Hi Krista, I love the holidays, but feel I end up doing most of the work, cleaning, decorating, shopping, etc and get exhausted just even thinking about it! I don't think I get to fully enjoy the holidays as those around me get to."
This is such a common issue not only at the holidays, but in everyday life. Many of us over-help, manage and strive to be useful and productive at our workplaces, our homes, and in our relationships often at our own detriment.
As a result, our needs go unmet. We try to hint by being dropping subtle hints or even becoming passive aggressive, but to no avail-other people often don't pick up on our vague requests. We are terrified to be honest about what's not working in the relationship because we are trying to manage someone else's feelings.
This episode I dive into the topic of choice, needs, staying regulated and allowing yourself to feel your feelings-all really important things to acknowledge when we are doing the hard work of mastering our boundaries.
Listen to learn:
- Why needs are the foundation to boundaries
- The #1 mindset you need for setting any boundary
- Why boundaries are an essential tool for any important relationship
- Why boundaries sometimes feel so challenging
"When we don't acknowledge the fact that we've got choice, that is the exact moment that our life goes into chaos and we become a victim of life." ~Krista Resnick
"We want to create a space- a pause before we react. Because in these situations, we get to ask the hard questions...do we HAVE to entertain? And do I HAVE to do ALL of the work? Is that the way that it has to be just because that's the way that it's always been done? Or could there be another possibility here? Could there be some other choices? Could there be some other alternative options that we get to take a look at?" ~Krista Resnick
"Needs are not the same as being needy. Needy is coming from that place of your unhealed wounds. It's that 'you complete me' type energy. It's I need you to do X, Y or Z or to show up as X, Y or Z so that I can be okay. Needs come from our leadership. They come from our autonomy. They come from our sovereignty which sounds like... 'Hey, I have a need. And because I am a sovereign human being, because I love and honor myself I am asking for this need to be met." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS:
How to Not Be So Hard On Yourself
REPLAY-Holiday Triggers & Trip-Ups
HEALTHY HOLIDAY WORKBOOK
As the holidays approach, like many of you-I too can feel a level of angst.
Sometimes it’s as if someone has taken a small pinhole to my balloon and slowly I am leaking out my life force and vitality. It’s hard being around family members who don’t show up in a loving, kind and conscious manner. It’s hard to be around friends and family who take zero responsibility for their hurtful behaviors. And it’s hard to be around friends and family who want to stay stuck on the victim triangle and expect you to jump on board with them.
There are times it almost doesn’t seem worth it-to speak up, to lean into risk, but when we continue to shove everything under the rug eventually we trip, we stumble and hurt ourselves in the process. I believe that it’s time to get serious about that. It’s not my job (or yours) to shove my truth deep down just to manage other people’s feelings.
When we suppress our truth, it takes us right out of our sovereignty-our aliveness-our very lifeforce.
In this episode I am sharing two very powerful mindsets to empower you to take your sovereignty back into your own hands, to experience the holidays the way that YOU desire so that you don’t have to keep waiting for your external circumstances to change.
Listen to learn:
- How you can find guidance and wisdom in your challenges
- The reason we get stuck creating a life by default
- The #1 mindset you can use to get back to the helm of your own personal leadership.
"When we suppress our truth, it takes us right out of our own sovereignty-aliveness- our very own lifeforce." ~Krista Resnick
"The minute we forget we have choice-is the minute our life goes into chaos and we become a victim of life." ~Krista Resnick
"When we are constantly reacting-avoiding, stuffing, suppressing-who or what owns you?" ~Krista Resnick
LINKS
Replay-Holiday Triggers & Trip Ups
Replay-Healthy Holiday Boundaries Workshop
What do you want your holidays to look like, feel like this year?
Ultimately how we do anything is how we do everything-so if you don't love how your holidays feel, we have to ask-"where else is that showing up in your life?" Where have you given your power away and ultimately believe that you don't have choice.
When we forget that we have the power of choice-we live our lives un-intentionally. And days becomes weeks, weeks become years and years become our whole entire life! I believe we've got to get serious about this! So while this episode is using the holiday season as an opportunity to get clear on what actually matters to you, we can use what I'm sharing here and apply it to our entire life.
Are you choices of what you are giving your time, energy and resources to made consciously? When you say YES to something, is that actually what you want? When you say NO to something, it that actually what you want? Are you giving your life force to things that make you feel alive?
This episode is one that you will want to come back to again and again as I am sharing basic principles and ideas about how to create a life by design.
We get caught up in believing it's the big flashy moments that we grow, but it's everything in between-it's the small daily choices, habits, decisions and conversations that produce the most fruit.
I too am reminding myself that much of what I (we) do is wildly unimportant. Using our discernment to align to what makes us feel alive is powerful and places us right back at the helm of our leadership.
Listen to Learn:
- The 3 mindsets you need to ditch in order to empower yourself and feel alive this holiday season and beyond.
- Two powerful questions you can sit with to create a holiday season that feels aligned for you.
"I was standing in the toy aisle at Target, crying, because ultimately I felt as if I didn't have the power of choice." ~Krista Resnick
"We have to start getting serious about the fact that our entire life will pass us by if we are not intentional about it." ~Krista Resnick
"We cannot do everything." ~Krista Resnick
"Most people have this invisible obligation to things, situations, and people, pushing us to believe that ultimately, we don't have a choice." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS MENTIONED
Healthy Holidays Workshop
Healthy Holidays Workbook
REPLAY-Holiday Triggers & Trip Ups
What happens when you try to set a boundary with someone but old stories and programming are driving you to feel guilty and say yes.
Guilt can be a helpful feeling when we have actually done something wrong. It allows us the opportunity to re-route our behavior, clean up our mess, make amends and move on. When looked at this way-guilt can be a beautiful feeling.
However, guilt can often be used in an unhealthy manner. Many times we want to be seen as a good person, so we use guilt to beat ourselves up-to make ourselves suffer for a choice we made so that we still can be seen as a good mom, good friend, good daughter, good wife.
Today’s caller Katie has butted heads with her daughter since she was born. When Katie and her ex divorced, she admits she would give in to her daughter’s every whim in fear of losing her to her ex-husband.
Katie is finding herself in a new season of life, excited about her future as she is soon to be an empty nester. However, she is concerned that she will slip into old patterns with her daughter of over giving when it's not even necessarily asked. Katie feels driven by guilt and old the programming that sounds like I will be a “bad mom” if I don’t chip in and help.
Katie and I spend a lot of time unpacking how she feels in her body when she is triggered at the idea of setting a boundary with her daughter. Setting boundaries is a lot more than saying NO. For many of us who grew up with wounding around being seen and valued, we learned to give our power away to being in other people’s good graces. The thought that someone was upset with us, literally felt like death.
So while I could give Katie every boundary script to advocate for her needs, the real work here is to get the body on board. The real work in boundary setting is learning how to focus on boundaries from two perspectives: somatic (or physical, bodily) experiences and verbal (or spoken) boundaries.
When we are dysregulated in our bodies, our boundaries will always be set from that place of scarcity, lack and limitation which is never good for us or for nurturing our relationships.
Consider:
- Do you feel guilt or shame when asking for what you need?
- Are you always putting others first?
- Do you resent other people for crossing invisible lines you’re too scared to communicate?
- What sort of modeling did you see in regard to boundary setting when you were growing up?
- Does conflict scare you?
- Would you rather shove everything under the rug rather than deal with the issues at hand?
Katie’s Question:My daughter is going through a divorce, and needs more financial and time support. And I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to set clear boundaries with her about how much I can give.
Listen to learn:
- How to tap into the wisdom of the body
- What it looks like to create a pause button before you acquiesce or potentially say yes to something that you’re not quite certain about.
- What it means to set boundaries from an empowered place
- How to stop avoiding conflict and speak up for yourself in a way that is still compassionate and kind
- Why conflict is a beautiful thing
- How you can move forward in your relationships if there has been a rupture
“Boundaries require a level of somatic work. Because when we know how to regulate ourselves, only then can we actually set a boundary from our place of truth.” ~Krista Resnick
“Conflict is an opportunity to call us forward and claim what matters to us.” ~Krista Resnick
LINKS:
HEALTHY HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP
How do you feel about the holidays that seem to be approaching so quickly? I spent years like a mixed bag of emotions-excited for the nostalgia and memories to be made-yet immediate exhaustion and angst would quickly approach when I would think about everything that 'needed' to be done. I said yes to every opportunity-striving and grasping for what I thought would make the holidays perfect. Yet I left myself and my own personal well being out of the equation. I was tired from showing up at gathering and parties that I only said yes to out of obligation, I was tired of feeling the pressure to make purchases for people that I barely knew, and I was exhausted from believing that in order to have a successful and magical holiday season everything has to be to the extreme.
Personal needs was a concept that I was unfamiliar with, yet it is one of the most basic and foundational aspects of our human experience. And that's what today's episode is all about-needs. I had needs of connection, to matter, to be seen and belonging-but how I was trying to fill those needs wasn't working. Now I approach the holidays with a different perspective. I choose to fill my own cup, ask for the support I need and prioritize what is essential and what might need to take a back seat. Understanding your needs (especially around the holiday season when stress and overwhelm is high) is an essential understanding to your personal joy.
Listen to Learn:
- Why human needs are universal.
- The human needs we all share Personal client stories of 'ditching the idea of the most magical holiday ever" and stepping into more joy and ease.
- The connection between feelings and needs
- Why needs is a foundation concept to acknowledge in our personal relationships
- How to create a bridge between you and your partner.
"What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart" ~Dr Marshall Rosenberg, Founder of Nonviolent Communication
"Our feelings and needs guide our behavior." ~Krista Resnick
"Human needs are universal." ~Krista Resnick
"Nonviolent communication allow us to connect with our own feelings and needs, and the feelings and needs of others. " ~Krista Resnick
"The invitation within non-violent communication is first connect with yourself so you understand your own feelings and needs before making requests of another." ~Krista Resnick
"When we blame, criticize, judge, or demean others, we're actually speaking violently. We are shutting down the rich connection and nourishment that we crave." ~Krista Resnick
"When you aren't feeling the way you want to feel, ask yourself-what might be your unmet need?" ~Krista Resnick
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Healthy Holidays Workshop
Episode #106: Dangerous Assumptions with Non-Violent Communication Trainer Kathy Ziola
Episode # 99: Non-Violent Communication with Marianne van Dijk
Today I wanted to share with you all an email I received from a follower. Beth wrote to me because she was so tired, overwhelmed and stressed from trying to hold so much on her plate. She was struggling because she believed that there was literally no space for her. However, while this may have felt true, it's often these paradigms that sound like...." I HAVE to give, serve, fix and manage," which are really keeping us stuck in overwhelm and anxiety.
Beth isn't alone in her question. So many of us get our roles confused with our true identity. We believe that we don't have value if we aren't fixing and managing. We believe we don't matter if we aren't playing the role of good girl, peacekeeper and caretaker.
Let me remind you that YOU are not your ROLE. Your worth comes from you simply just being YOU. I want to encourage you to let HER lead. Who is HER? Your core essence, your Soul, your highest Self, your favorite Self-whatever you want to call her. It's that woman that we desire to BE. However, if we keep believing that we are our role (s), we will never really be able to allow our highest Self to lead. We will always be victim to the temptations of world and and who it says we need to be.
Boundary work is self worth worth-it's discovering who you really are in a world that often tells you who it thinks you SHOULD be. Having CLEAR boundaries and standard protects who we say we are and who we are evolving into.
Boundary work is some of the most rich and nuanced work we can enter into.
Listen to this episode to discover:
- The problem with 'roles'
- What boundary work really is
- How we begin to heal from our roles and who we think we need to be.
Before listening consider:
- Do you believe that it is your job to fix, manage and caretake everyone else?
- Do you often feel overwhelmed, over-worked and resentful in your relationships?
- Do you struggle with self worth?
"Learning who we are BEYOND the roles we play is a beautiful and rich part of boundary work." ~Krista Resnick
"God wants us to serve, give and connect with others. We simply want to be able to draw the line for our own well-being. We don't want to get swallowed up by the roles we play." ~Krista Resnick
"We are so much more than any role we play." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Holiday Triggers & Trip Ups
Apply for Stay True to You
You all know I am a huge fan of nourishing yourself, practicing meditation and getting in tune with the body-today’s show is all about these things.
You’re going to love this episode with Ashley Holmes who is the CEO & Founder of Holistic Fertility Coach Inc. and international bestselling author. We talk about how to slow down, nourish yourself from the inside out and speak your truth.
Ashley’s work focuses on women struggling with infertility by supporting them to conceive with ease using holistic practices. Her customized 1:1 program works with women’s cycles to give them the energy medicine they need to come back into balance and alignment. Living a life that nourishes your mind, body and spirit is at the heart and soul of the transformation you receive.
Ashley is an expert on the platform ViBLY where you can participate in yoga classes, meditations and her coaching program.
In this amazing episode-Ashley shares her personal and painful story of infertility and how her own personal journey set her on a path of deep self discovery. She unpacks for us what exactly chakras are and how to heal these beautiful energy centers. Our chakras impact everything in our life from how we feel on a daily basis to major medical issues.
Listen to Learn:
- How to create a meditation practice that works for you
- The 7 Chakras
- How healing and working with your chakras can help you nourish yourself and speak your truth
- How to know when your chakras are out of balance
- One great way to nourish your solar plexus chakra-the seat of self love your truth
- How we can start to work with and heal our throat chakra
Before listening to this episode, consider….
- Do you struggle to speak your truth?
- Is nourishing yourself from the inside out a challenge for you?
- Are you someone who gives your power away easily to those you deem as having more power or knowledge than you?
- Have you struggled to create a consistent meditation practice, yet still wanting to give it a try?
- Are you struggling with infertility?
- Do you silence yourself? Do you find yourself constantly self-censoring?
“Meditation GIVES me time. It doesn’t take time.” ~Ashley Holmes
“When I feel better, my energy is better. And when I am in alignment and balance, then everything flows better. Instead of pushing, forcing, and creating restrictions and barriers it's a way to move and work with yourself instead of against yourself.” ~Ashley Holmes
“Taking a conscious breath and bringing yourself into the present moment is not only helpful. But impactful. It's the one biological function that we often are not paying attention to that can impact us in a really profound way.” ~Ashley Holmes
“We need to not be afraid to own our truth and speak our truth. It matters that we do not hold our words and our power back. Because when we do….we are not honoring ourselves.” ~Ashley Holmes
“Speaking your truth often will not be comfortable.” ~Krista Resnick
“Vulnerability is strength”~ Krista Resnick
“To be seen and heard is what we are all truly seeking.” ~Ashley Holmes
Krista Resnick
Holiday Triggers & Trip ups
Website
Ashley Holmes
Website
This episode is about setting boundaries with friends when you are making a choice that they may not agree with. Today’s caller Jenel grew up in a chaotic environment with a fair share of trauma. She has such a high tolerance for toxicity and recently found herself in a relationship that carries out the same pattern from her childhood.
It can be difficult to see the level of toxicity in a relationship when we have a high tolerance for abusive and unhealthy behavior. Jenel learned that her job as a small child was to take responsibility by playing the role of counselor to her parents and trying to keep a level of peace within the home. It makes sense that she would find herself straight in the eye of a similar relationship now as an adult. We often seek out relationships in our adult life that feel similar to the unfinished business we had with a parent or parents. Another way to say that is we seek out what often feels familiar.
Jenel came into this session, not so much concerned with the issues in her relationship, but more concerned with how her friends and family will respond to her trying to make this relationship work. Sometimes we confuse love with what feels familiar and call it safety. We can also become easily confused and get caught up in the fantasy of what we want a relationship to look like.
However, her partner feels truly broken and craves change for HIMSELF-which is a great sign. However, when there has been a history of trauma, it’s important to move slowly and tread lightly.
Before listening to this episode consider:
- Do you always try to play the role of peacekeeper?
- Do you believe it is your job to fix other people’s problems?
- Do you find that you often walk on eggshells?
- Are you often the one in your relationships trying to keep the peace?
- Did you have a tumultuous childhood and are you repeating those patterns in your adult life?
- Do you crumble and fall apart when it’s time to set a boundary?
Jenel’s Question:
How do I set boundaries with friends and family members around this topic of getting back into a relationship that previously has been unhealthy?
Boundaries will feel like death when your approval and safety has been built upon what other people think of you. This is why nervous system regulation is essential when it comes to boundary setting. Most of us know when we need to set a boundary. However we don’t really know how to DO boundaries. Nervous system regulation shows your system that you are safe in the present moment-allowing yourself to relax and connect with your internal truth.
Safety is your system’s top priority, therefore, anything that might threaten your safety (in this case, setting a boundary) is met with fear and activates your nervous system, triggering your self-protective mechanisms (fight/flight/freeze/fawn).
Healing occurs when, in a state of regulation, we connect to our truth and learn to tolerate the discomfort of communicating our truth. The ability to complete on setting a boundary begins to reshape our nervous system to feel more safe the next time we set a boundary.
“When you approve of you-you don’t put so much energy into what others think of you.” ~Krista Resnick
“When you don’t have a caregiver or parent tending to your needs, you will seek outside of yourself to feel worth and enough.” ~Krista
“We seek out that which often feels familiar.” ~Krista Resnick
Krista Resnick-WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
Have you known that you needed to set a boundary and just struggled to do it?
Do you sometimes beat yourself up for knowing that you need to say no but you find yourself once again subordinating and appeasing?
This episode is about understanding boundaries from an internal/nervous system perspective.
I believe that understanding the nervous system is essential in any sort of healing work. When you begin to understand the nervous system, suddenly-everyone makes sense. What's so awesome about that is we can begin to move through the world with more compassion-not only toward ourselves, but also toward others.
Author, therapist, and podcaster Lisa Dion joins me on the show today to dive into understanding what's happening internally when we are dysregulated. This is essential to boundary work because if we don't know how to come back home to ourselves -we can't regulate and we can't set a boundary from an empowered place. The alternative is setting boundaries from a place of control and fear which isn't helpful to deepening our relationships.
Lisa shares with us powerful yet simple practices to help us come back home to ourselves so we can speak our truth and not get swept away by our emotions.
Listen to Learn:
- Why boundaries are not rules
- What it means to stay connected to yourself
- Why calm and regulated are not the same things and what regulated actually means
- The #1 thing that must happen in order to speak your truth
- Why nervous system work is essential to boundary work
- What empathy can do for us in boundary setting
"I can either stay connected to me-but that might mean I lose other. Or I can try to stay connected to other, which almost definitely means I'm going to lose me." -Lisa Dion
"My own internal sense of okay-ness is not dependent upon whether or not someone likes me, or doesn't like me. Because in those moments, I'm putting my internal boundary in someone else's hands."-Lisa Dion
"We don't know where the boundary is, unless we can feel where the boundary is. So if we're not in our bodies we aren't able to listen to the body cues and we're going to have a hard time listening to that moment where we are about to disconnect or lose ourselves." -Lisa Dion
"When you are connected to yourself, you have the opportunity play with and be more fluid with your boundaries." -Krista Resnick
"If we're so used to rigid boundary setting, right or wrong boundary setting, or rule based boundary setting, you don't have to learn anything about your body in that. You just have to follow the script."- Lisa Dion
"Boundary work is self discovery work. It's doing that deep worth work to really fall in love with ourselves." -Krista Resnick
LINKS
Krista Resnick | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM |FACEBOOK | FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
LISA DION | WEBSITE | SYNERGETIC PLAY THERAPY
Have you ever wondered why you sometimes react to situations the way that you do?
Do you tend to lash out at those you love?
Do you self-censor and try not to upset the apple cart?
Do you bury yourself in work?
Do you scrolling for hours on facebook and instagram?
Or do you drown your feelings in a gallon of Cherry Garcia ice cream while watching re-runs of Grace and Frankie for an entire weekend?
One of the things that we want to recognize, is that we all have circumstances or relationships in our life that cause us to be triggered. Triggers cause us to move out of this state of that warm, present cozy, state of connection to ourselves and push us into our safety patterns such as fight, flight and freeze.
When we are triggered, we are in our survival brain-literally trying to survive whatever is happening outside of ourselves that we deem as potentially dangerous. Our rational thinking brain is turned 'off line' making it really challenging for us to respond in a way that is connecting and healthy. Often, we respond by shutting down, walking on egg shells, criticizing, demanding, or simply avoiding.
Triggers can actually be a beautiful thing-because they show us where some of our deepest work lies. They can be a pretty awesome invitation to go inward and heal old wounds, untrue thoughts and unmet needs. The triggers you experience hold so much incredible feedback.
They're really your key to understanding your healing.
In this episode I talk about understanding your triggers and your glimmers-those things that bring you back home to yourself. I share with you plenty of ideas to get you started creating your own glimmer list, but I invite you to create your own so that you can learn exactly what glimmers or resources help you regulate your nervous system and come back home to you.
Before listening consider:
- Do you snap easily at people?
- Do you find yourself sometimes questioning why you behave or react in the way that you do?
- Are you craving healthier more intimate connection with others?
- Do you often run from one activity to the next?
- Do you sometimes isolate for days or weeks?
- Do you sometimes feel resentful in your relationships?
These can all be signs of triggers. And while triggers are not fun-I can honestly say that they are a gift.
"Glimmers help you come back home to yourself. They create a sense of safety and connection to yourself."~Krista Resnick
"When we don't know how to move through conflict, and be in the discomfort of our dysregulation. It's almost impossible to have rich relationship." ~Krista Resnick
"There's a lot of important information in our triggers, I want you to start thinking about triggers being your new invitation to go inward."~ Krista Resnick
"The triggers you experience hold so much feedback. They're really your key to understanding your healing."~Krista Resnick
LINKS FROM EPISODE
FAWN to FIERCE
Krista Resnick
Afton Brazzoni is the founder of Scribe National, where she and her team have the pleasure of helping billion-dollar companies and solopreneurs alike with their marketing. After 10 years working in marketing and communications roles, Afton launched Scribe National in 2019. Since then, they've helped over 50 clients worldwide unleash their brilliance through the written word.
Afton knows the struggle of boundaries in business. She considers herself to be a bit of a people pleaser -which is common for many of us-we want to be liked, we don’t necessarily want to upset anyone. When Afton was building her business, there was a time period where she felt she needed to be a bit more fluid with her boundaries. However, she also understood what she was building and that she had no desire to make this a long term situation. She believes that establishing boundaries with yourself, clients, and team members as well as setting expectations and communicating those expectations are all essential skills that one must learn to really master entrepreneurship.
Before listening to this episode consider....
- Do you struggle with boundaries in your life and business?
- Do you believe that boundaries are selfish, mean and cold-hearted?
- Do you feel like something is ‘off’ if you don’t feel overwhelmed?
- Are you constantly filling your calendar space with busyness?
- Do you want your life to appear outwardly as if you’ve got it all together?
At a certain point Afton said enough is enough! She recognized that what she needed to do was actually address boundaries in all areas of her life. It wasn’t easy-and even a bit messy, but Afton mentioned in the interview how incredibly rewarding it was.
I can attest that there hasn’t been too many things that have pushed my edges out quite like entrepreneurship (well, of course motherhood). It can be easy to lose yourself in client demands, expectations and wanting to serve with a heart of excellence. Its easy to sometimes blur boundary lines.
At a certain point Afton said enough is enough! She recognized that what she needed to do was actually address boundaries in all areas of her life. It wasn’t easy-and even a bit messy, but Afton mentioned in the interview how incredibly rewarding it was.
Boundaries are one of the best things we can do to protect our peace, our energy, our lifeforce. But you have to trust yourself in order to set them-if you’re solid in yourself-your boundaries become clear and honest.
“Setting a boundary feels uncomfortable, but not setting one actually also causes a great deal of discomfort as well” ~ Afton Brazzoni
“I don't believe that anybody is a people pleaser. I believe that there's a part of them that uses people pleasing as a protective strategy to feel approved of, to perhaps have some control so that they in essence, stay safe.” ~Krista Resnick
“Boundary work is worth doing the work.” ~Afton Brazzoni
“When you're doing boundary work what you're really doing is self worth work. You're cleaning out patterns that look like people pleasing, codependency, subordinating, appeasing and placating So, when you begin healing those things is when you can start standing in your truth and lead.” ~Krista Resnick
“Appreciate yourself for doing the work.” ~Afton Brazzoni
FAWN TO FIERCE
AFTON BRAZZONI
This live coaching session is about owning and expressing our truth. Today's caller Laura, has an old childhood pattern coming up of 'going along to get along.' Laura has a big decision to make and is really fearful of what other's may think of her choice and the potential impact it could have. As you will hear in this show, Laura refers to herself as an 'oops baby.' The youngest of four siblings, Laura was constantly drug to her older sisters event and activities. By the time Laura came along-her parents were tired. She believed she was an inconvenience to her family and as a result she felt a lot of shame and as if she was a a burden to others.
Guilt and shame prevent us from being able to honor our truth, needs and feelings. We wind up being in-authentic and hiding our truth, which can leave us feeling resentful. Needs are not a weak thing to have. But because Laura was so accustomed to playing small and not wanting to be a burden, it almost felt wrong for her to rise up and express what she needed. Please hear me say...it is OK to choose something that may feel selfish but is self-honoring and in the best interest of those involved.
When it comes to relationships, it can be hard and messy to not let guilt get involved when it comes to our decision making. Most of us don't like that thought of hurting those we care about but when we allow guilt and obligation to make our decisions for us-we aren't making choices that in the highest good of everyone involved.
Our needs extend much beyond things like survival. We need human connection, adventure, play just to name a few. It doesn't make you weak to have these needs. It makes you human. Part of Laura's work will be to acknowledge and express her needs. It doesn't make her wrong-it doesn't even mean that the other person will agree to her needs, but owning and acknowledging what it is that we need is our truth. And our truth cannot be denied.
Consider:
- Do you struggle to know what you want and need?
- Is asking for help a challenge for you?
- Do you dim your light or play small to make it more convenient for others.
- Does your mind spin out in what if’s?
- Do you overtake responsibility for other people and their happiness?
- Do you treat people like they are fragile?
- Where are you going along to get along?
Laura's question :
Laura is faced with a decision to relocate but at the cost of not being near her mother which she has spent the past two years building a beautiful and healthy relationship with. She feels selfish for wanting this, she feels guilty for taking her son far from her mother.
Laura's a-ha's:
- Being authentically who I am is not doing anything wrong
- The difference between a healthy responsibility VS and OVER-TAKING of responsibility.
- When my mind spins out in what if's answer them
- It's not her responsibility to manage other people's feelings.
Where in your life are you not expressing yourself? Where do you feel selfish for simply having a human need? Look at where certain needs in your life aren't being met and make yourself accountable for having a clarifying conversation
LINKS FROM EPISODE:
From Fawn to Fierce
This time of year always brings up such conflicting feelings for me. There is the part of me that much like the leaves dying and falling from the trees, longs to surrender and let go of old patterns, behaviors and habits that are no longer serving me.
And then, there are the parts of me that want to dive into the harvest and move quickly. To say YES to opportunities and experiences, and give and serve.
What I have learned about boundary work is that it is deeply sacred. It is the art of learning how to truly say YES to yourself. Many of us were raised believing that boundaries and saying yes to yourself was selfish. I'm here to say that it's not. While I know this can rattle a lot of feathers and kick up a lot of dust, it is truth that you were made to claim the life that God has for you and it begins by paying attention to the parts of yourself that are worn out, exhausted, overwhelmed and resentful.
Fall is a perfect reminder that it is good and healthy to let go of meeting the constant demands and requests of others and slowly and gently begin to place the focus on ourselves and our needs, dreams, desires and wishes. Yes we were made to be in community and connection with others, which does present the confusion around how do I know when I've gone too far? But it is when we start asking that very question-how do I know that i've gone too far, that we've probably gone too far. Shame is often what drives us to put our feet on the gas pedal and keep going, placate, subordinate and people please.
But before the world dumped it's shame on you-God said you were good. He said you were designed in HIS image. You are not broken, you are HIS and HE SAYS you are GOOD. You are worth your best yes!
Listen to Learn:
- Why boundary work is sacred work
- Why saying NO isn't always the way to set boundaries
- Some powerful questions you can ask yourself to get clarity in this season of life.
- One of the beliefs that holds so many women back from saying YES to themselves and setting healthy boundaries.
"Saying yes to yourself is just as important to saying yes to everyone around you." ~Krista Resnick
"Saying yes to your own needs, desires, and ambitions is not selfish." ~Krista Resnick
"Boundary work is sacred work because we are saying yes to the deep desires of our heart." ~Krista Resnick
"Saying yes to yourself is about staying connected to yourself." ~Krista Resnick
"Boundary work is not always about saying NO. Often it is about what we are saying YES to. It's about getting clear on saying yes to our values, our truth and our needs." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS FROM THE EPISODE
Free to Be Workshop
Krista Resnick-Website
Have you even been involved in a conversation where you walked away feeling more disconnected than when you started?
Have you been a part of a conversation where you felt as if your needs and feelings didn't matter?
If so, there is hope. Non-violent communication takes all the mystery out of HOW to have difficult conversations and gives you some tangible tools to put to use. Non-violent communication allows us to determine what is going on within us and what might be alive in another person so we can determine how can we share that in a way that we want to give and receive from one another.
Today's guest, Kathy Ziola has presented training events and retreats in Nonviolent Communication (NVC), relationships, healing, personal growth, and stress management over the past forty years. She has been teaching NVC since 2005, certified in 2009.
Kathy introduces us to something called Dangerous Assumptions which are thoughts and interpretations that we think are true. When we are so convinced we are right-it gives no choice but to assume the other person is 'wrong.' This type of thinking and communicating only sets us up for failure. It disconnects us from others
Listen to Learn:
- What assumptions are and WHY they are dangerous to our relationships.
- How we set ourselves up for conflict without even realizing it.
- The Four Key Assumptions that keep us trapped in conflict and disconnection
- How to communicate with truth and honestly, while still hearing the other person and acknowledging their needs simultaneously.
- How we shift these assumptions to communicate in a way that is clear and honest.
I am so passionate about healthy communication. When we can understand that we all have universal needs and that at the crux-everyone is simply trying to get their needs met, it opens us up to a compassion and gentleness that sometimes can be hard to reach, because of all our assumptions.
You will love this episode as Kathy's passion to support others in creating relationships and systems that thrive through living with compassion, empathy, honesty and authentic presence is so prevalent.
“I like to think of NVC is a tool that helps us create safety in our relationships.“ ~Krista Resnick
“In NVC, we can express and share our deep needs and do that in ways that will pull out from other people their natural desire to give.” ~Kathy Ziola
“Assumptions are thoughts and interpretations that we think are true.“~ Kathy Ziola
“The dangerous thing about assumptions is that we believe they are truth…” ~Kathy Ziola
“When we make assumptions, we are asking for problems.”~ Kathy Ziola
"What does it mean about me if I wasn’t right? What would it mean about me if I were? What am I actually attached to here?" ~ Kathy Ziola
“When you aren’t living your truth, being authentic-your relationship can only go so deep.” ~ Krista Resnick
“Needs are qualities of life that feed us-they are universal. Needs are what motivate people.” ~Kathy Ziola
Krista Resnick-Website
Free to Be Workshop
Kathy Ziola-Website
When there is any level of conflict in your relationships, what is your reaction? Do you try to quickly make the situation okay, do you please others by placating and stepping over your own boundary lines? Do you find that you walk on egg shells in certain relationships? Do you have a hard time knowing and expressing what you need?
When I first started doing this work, I noticed that I could have every boundary script ready to go, but still fail to set the boundary. I began to piece together that certain people triggered me in a way where I suddenly found myself trading in what I stood for because I was scared to share my truth. I self censored when I wanted to express myself and even though I was practicing my affirmations, I continued to give my power away to those that I thought were more experienced and smarter than me. I came to the conclusion that boundaries were much more nuanced and complicated than saying no.
Conceptually, I understood boundaries, but I knew there was a missing piece.
What I discovered through my own personal journey, research and work is that healing people pleasing and codependency are a lot deeper and more complex than “just say no and set a boundary.” You might be familiar with flight, fight and freeze trauma responses, but there is an additional trauma response that doesn’t get as much publicity. That response is called FAWN and it’s often the root of what people pleasing and codependency are all about.
And believe that if you really want to heal your boundaries, we have to go to the root.
LISTEN TO LEARN
- What the fawning pattern is
- Why the fawning pattern is KEY to healing boundaries
- Symptoms of the fawning pattern
- How the fawning pattern might be showing up in your life
- Tools to help you stop fawning and start living FREE
Understanding this stress response, changed my life. Once I figured out that I was having a stress response, I could start showing compassion for myself and begin to do the deeper work of healing this pattern.
"When conflict arose, I went into my people pleasing strategy. I acquiesced, I traded in my values for the sake of someone else’s and I often tripped over my own personal boundary for the sake of another’s approval."~Krista Resnick
"If you want to heal your boundaries, you have to go to the root."~Krista Resnick
"People pleasers and codependents despise conflict." ~ Krista Resnick
"Fawning strategies at the root, are nervous attempts to deflect attention." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS
Free to BE Workshop
Krista Resnick-Website
Facebook Community
I love all things emotions but it wasn't always that way. I used to be so cut off from feeling my feelings and anger was especially hard for me access. I deemed it wrong, hurtful, extreme and ugly. Today, I love anger because I understand that this powerful emotion is simply feedback. It is information that I can use and work through to process pain, shame, or a boundary violation.
Emotions can feel so uncomfortable because of how they modeled for us or because we simply don't know how to sit with the discomfort of our emotions. These simply aren't things we are taught as children. Our guest today, Dr. Christian Conte, is one of the world's leading experts on emotions and anger management. Dr. Conte has worked with some of the world's most violent criminals, MMA fighters as well as top athletes and some of the toughest people in maximum security prisons to help them integrate their emotions, specifically their anger.
In this episode Dr. Conte walks us through a bit of his work called "Yield Theory" and helps us learn how to manage our emotions (as well as explaining what it even means to manage your emotions).
LISTEN TO LEARN:
- The skill one must master in order to really build amazing relationships with others.
- How to begin moving away from judgment and become more accepting of others.
- How to manage your emotions.
- The number one tool you can use today to start de-escalating YOURSELf and others.
- The two key pieces you need to implement when it comes to listening
- What empathy actually is and why it matters so much in our relationships.
- How to begin feeling our anger if we are terrified of it.
- What to do if you are really stuck in an emotion.
Anger can be healthy or unhealthy. We all feel it, we all experience it. But one thing is certain-we cannot simply allow it to run rampant in our lives and it is dangerous to suppress it on the other extreme. So how do we work with our anger? Listen to this episode with Dr. Conte to find out.
“There are two kinds of people in the world. People with issues and dead people.” Dr. Christian Conte
“I saw a need for people to master their emotions.” Dr. Christian Conte
“Knowing a concept doesn’t mean you're working on a concept.” Dr. Christian Conte
“People see your actions, NOT your intentions.” Christian Conte
“We minimize the pain we cause others and we amplify the pain they cause us.” Dr. Christian Conte
“Be accurate in your language.” Dr. Christian Conte
“At some point you have to sit in the discomfort and understand that others are stuck in their own stuff and it doesn’t have to mean anything about you. “ Krista Resnick
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Christian Conte - YOUTUBE | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | BOOK
Krista Resnick -WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
Have you ever wondered, why do I feel the way I do? Why am I always so tired, so angry, so resentful? Why do I feel guilty about everything? Why can’t I just be more confident and have better self-esteem? Why are my relationships so toxic? Why do I struggle to get anything done? Why do I never just feel good enough?
Codependency is based in and LOVES fear. Along with that fear comes a lack of self love. The feelings that come along with codependency can become addictive-YES we actually can become addicted to feeling the constant states of overwhelm, resentment, anxiety and lack. Our cells literally get used to feeling this lack of self love.
When we feel this emotion, there’s a cellular change in the body. Neurotransmitters are released and the physiology of the body shifts. As our physiology shifts, the neural pathways in the brain fire and wire in response. Feeling and reacting habitually strengthens neural pathways which will make us subconsciously seek the same emotion. So our body becomes dependent on our own chemical responses. Yes even if the emotion makes us miserable, the rush of neurotransmitters are a reward.
In this episode I dive deep into bridging the gap between codependency and emotional addiction and provide 6 ways to help you feel from the same old miserable emotions that keep you stuck with the same old results.
Listen to Learn:
- What codependency is
- The connection between codependency and emotional addiction
- What emotional addiction actually is
- Why you might be engaging in the same patterns and habits that get you the same results
- Why you feel stuck
- How codependent patterns and behaviors can look like in our life
- 6 tools to help you overcome emotional addiction
"Few people understand the chemical cocktail of human emotion." ~Krista Resnick
Codependency loves fear and when we get scared, the rational thinking part of the brain, becomes overwhelmed and shuts down." ~Krista Resnick
"Codependency is this form of addiction because your cells literally get used to feeling a lack of self love." ~Krista Resnick
"With emotional addiction we are living and breathing the emotional experience so closely it literally is beyond our scope of awareness-we don't even recognize we are addicted." ~Krista Resnick
"In order to break emotional addiction you have to become conscious to your own patterns-patterns that look like perfectionism, people pleasing, self censoring, overthinking and overworking." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS
Krista Resnick -WEBSITE- INSTAGRAM -FACEBOOK- FACEBOOK COMMUNITY-
3 WAYS TO CULTIVATE SELF-TRUST EPISODE
Do you struggle to make a decision? Are you terrified that you are going to choose the wrong thing or upset someone if they don't agree with your choice?
Do you live life by an opinion poll, always collecting and taking note of what other people need and want?
Oh man do I know this pattern WELL. One of the ways codependency manifested for me was my inability to trust myself. As annoying as it was, for me and for everyone around me, I couldn’t seem to stand firm in my decisions. I longed to be more confident and stand firm in my decisions, but couldn’t understand why it was so hard for me.
Does that resonate with you too?
If so, this episode provides you with 3 ways to begin to trust yourself.
Listen to Learn:
- Where codependency begins
- Why making decisions might be so hard for you
- Why codependency isn't your fault
- How to reparent yourself and what reparenting actually is
- How to show yourself a bit of self love on the daily
- How to get to know yourself
"One of the best ways to begin to build self trust and heal from codependency is to begin feeling your feelings once again."~Krista Resnick
"When you’re reliant on other people’s opinions and guidance, you’re much like a feather in the wind-susceptible to any small or big gust that comes along. You aren’t in control of your life and you give others way too much power over how you feel." ~Krista Resnick
"Feelings and emotions were not welcome in my world, so my only way through was to disconnect from feeling at all." ~Krista Resnick
"If you experienced any amount of neglect, or had emotionally unavailable parents you may have learned to suppress your feelings in order to survive." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Coming Home to You Workshop
Krista Resnick-WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
FACING CODEPENDENCE by Pia Mellody
If you struggle with perfectionism, striving, hustle and believing that if you just achieved X,Y or Z then you would feel happy, this is ONE EPISODE YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS!
Today's guest, Dr. Andrea Pennington has been a sought-after media personality for over twenty years, She has shared her empowering wellness advice on the Oprah Winfrey Show, the Dr. Oz Show,CNN, the Today Show, and as a news anchor for Discovery Health Channel. She is also a featured teacher on the Insight Timer app.
Dr. Andrea is also leader of The #RealSelfLove Movement, a comprehensive online community offering free resources designed to empower you to heal the inner child, reprogram your subconscious mind, transform from victim to hero and rewrite your life story.
Dr. Andrea brings her unique nerdy blend of medical science, positive psychology and mindfulness meditation to empower you to show up authentically, love passionately and live orgasmically. She facilitates a variety of workshops around the world which promote holistic healing, resilience, trauma recovery and self-love using trauma-informed positive psychology.
In this episode we go deep into Dr. Andrea's 5 step REAL selflove process and she shares candidly about her own healing journey and what she had to go through in order to start loving the woman in the mirror.
This work can often feel heavy, as so much of it is about grieving the childhood's many of us never got to have. Our parents are not perfect. They often wound us. And that can be a hard notion to accept because what happens when we are faced with that truth? Dr. Andrea shares with us some insightful tips to navigate the grief that often arises as a result of our relationship with our parents.
Listen to Learn:
- The definition of REAL self love
- Some of the best boundaries you can set for yourself while working on your self love
- The five steps to REAL self love
- The difference between spiritual bypassing (toxic positivity) and allowing ourselves to ride the wave of a feeling
- How to not get swept away by your emotions
AND SO MUCH MORE.....
“Lack of self love is what drove my perfectionism and compulsive need to prove myself.” ~Andrea Pennington
“Even when I had the big successful career, the car, the expense account and the fame, I was still feeling inadequate.” ~Andrea Pennington
“I had a fundamental belief that I am not worthy of love or attention unless I’m doing, performing or achieving.” ~Andrea Pennington
LINKS:
COMING HOME TO YOU WORKSHOP
Dr. Andrea Pennington-WEBSITE
Real Self Love
How to escape victim mentality
3 Keys to Become the Hero in Your Life
Guided Meditation Series
Does this sound familiar?
- Your relationships are not where you want them to be?
- You're saying yes a lot to things you don’t really want to do?
- You feel resentful a lot of the time
- You find yourself irritated, frustrated and impatient often?
There could be a chance that you have suppressed your anger and it's leaking out which slowly erodes our happiness our authentic expression and our joy.
On the show today, I have anger management specialist and psychotherapist Michelle Farris explaining the connection between codependency and anger.
Michelle was a former pro at stuffing her anger. Through examining her own relationships, she noticed that she wasn't being fully honest-she was stuffing her truth and not sharing the things that hurt her. She became aware that eventually old resentments and hurts would leak out only causing more damage to the relationship.
Now Michelle helps others to move through anger and heal codependency so they can create healthy relationships without sacrificing their big hearts.
Listen to Learn:
- What codependency looks like
- How we identify who is a safe person for us to express and have honest relationships with
- How we build the internal alarm bells that this might not be a safe person.
- How codependency begins
- Why anger is deemed as such a taboo, negative emotion
- What happens if we don’t deal with our anger
- Tips for beginning to access and release our anger
“When you grow up with someone who rages, you typically don’t see anger as healthy-you see it as full blown rage.”~Michelle Farris
“Stuffing was making me dishonest in my relationships.”~Michelle Farris
“Boundaries are about being honest.” ~Krista Resnick
“Boundaries are what I choose to participate in and when I choose to leave.” ~Michelle Farris
“If I don’t claim the part of me that is codependent I miss the whole side of me that needs healing.” ~Michelle Farris
"Lack of self trust is a major component of codependency-it’s what sets us up to see other people as our answer.” ~ Michelle Farris
“Just because something’s normal, doesn’t mean it’s healthy.” ~Krista Resnick
LINKS:
Krista Resnick
Website
COMING HOME TO YOU WORKSHOP
Michelle Farris
Website | Instagram | YouTube | Linkedin
Calming Your Anger Zoom Class
5 Day Email Course on Anger
Do you struggle to communicate with others in a way that you feel seen and heard? Or perhaps you find that you get stuck in conflict, often going round and round the same issue time and time again. Maybe you even put off having conversations that you know need to be had in order to keep the peace and eliminate tension.
Today's episode is dedicated to learning how to speak in a way that is more connective, compassionate and honest (while still getting your needs met).
Communication is hard-most of us were not taught how to properly taught to resolve conflict, share our feelings and ask for what we need. Conversely, what comes natural to most of us is criticism, defensiveness, judgment and demands. This sets us up for a major communication fail and lots of hurt, arguing and frustration.
Today's guest, Marianne van Dijk is a nonviolent communication trainer and a conflict mediator. Through her work, Marianne guides people to be more true to themselves and work through potential conflict arising from that.
Marianne shares her story of burnout, unhappiness and the inability to stand up for herself. When she was introduced to NVC, it changed her life. NVC was the missing link to help her express herself in a way that helps her get her needs met WHILE connecting with the other person.
Maybe you too have read all the communication and confidence books but you still don’t know how to DO boundaries. NVC is a beautiful tool that helps us DO differently.
Listen to learn:
- What causes so much disconnection and conflict in relationships.
- The gamechanger to being able to effectively communicate and connect with someone.
- The ways in which we speak that are extraordinarily violent
- The four exact steps of NVC
- A demonstration using my own personal example of how NVC works
“Our need for choice is everything.” Marianne Van Dijk
“Before nonviolent communication, I had no idea what was going on with me. I carried so many have to’s which was so draining to my energy.“ Marianne van Dijk
“When you approach conflict with connection in mind, that’s the game changer.” Krista Resnick
“Violent communication is all the ways we speak that are disconnecting. It’s the should’s, the have to's, the comparison’s, the analyzing.” Marianne van Dijk
Links from episode:
KRISTA RESNICK WEBSITE
COMING HOME TO YOU WORKSHOP
MARIANNE van DIJK
NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION BOOK
I believe that everyone has an inner leader-that place within that is connected, curious, confident, creative and wise. However, when we are blocked by old stories and childhood conditioning we stop ourselves from standing at the helm of our leadership and allowing our inner leader to LEAD. One of the common ways we block ourselves from activating our inner leader is people pleasing.
What I have found however, is that many people don’t always understand what people pleasing is. Yes we want to be kind. Yes we want to support others, but people pleasing and kind simply are not the same.
People pleasing is one of the key traits of the survival response, fawning. In a nutshell, “fawning” is the use of people-pleasing to diffuse conflict, feel more secure in relationships, and earn the approval of others.
And when we live our life focused on and dancing to appease OTHERS, we lose ourselves.
In this episode, I unpack what some of the fawning traits are as well as ‘types’ of fawners so you might be able to recognize it in yourself.
If you find yourself fawning, don't worry and please don't beat yourself up. You are not alone and this is a common response to complex trauma. You didn't do anything wrong, you're not bad or silly or dumb for developing this response.
You started fawning as a way to cope with a very unstable situation. You did what you needed to do to cope. And now that you know what you're doing, you can start making choices that will help you feel better.
Boundaries are a beautiful way to begin healing from the fawn response-I would love for you to join me at The BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES workshop happening July 18th
LINKS FROM EPISODE
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES
EPISODE 62: Let's talk about trauma
EPISODE 63: What trauma actually is
JOIN THE EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
Today on the show, Ross Rosenberg joins us to talk about narcissism and codependence. The concepts are tied so deeply together and in this episode you will begin to understand why. Ross spends much of his work helping others understand the term codependency at much deeper level by sharing his concept of what he has coined “self-love deficit disorder.”
Ross explains the “dance” of codependency and narcissism, exploring how codependency often forms from narcissistic abuse in childhood and why codependents and narcissists are like magnets for each other. We tend to be attracted to what feels familiar to us, which is why codependents often experience such an intense chemistry with a narcissistic partner. Eventually however, the codependents awakes from their slumber and discovers that his or her “soulmate” has become their “cellmate.”
It’s not until we learn to fill our own self-love tanks (as I like to say), that we can break the cycle of abuse and start forming relationships with partners who love and respect our whole selves.
Ross Rosenberg is the CEO and primary contributor of Self-Love Recovery Institute. He's an expert psychotherapist, educator, best-selling author, and expert witness. In addition, he's a global thought leader and renowned expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, and addictions. His pioneering codependency, narcissistic abuse, and trauma contributions are responsible for much-needed theoretical and treatment-specific updates. Exemplifying his global impact are his 22 million video views/240K subscriber YouTube channel and his 150 copies sold/12 languages Human Magnet Syndrome book.
Listen to discover:
- Why narcissism and codependency go hand in hand
- Attachment wounds and the origins of codependency
- What codependency actually is
- Setting boundaries with a narcissist (and why it often doesn’t work)
“Codependency is a unequal distribution of LOVE, CARE and RESPECT”-Ross Rosenberg
“All codependents has a severe deficit of self love.”-Ross Rosenberg
“Codependents always fall in love with narcissists because of chemistry.” -Ross Rosenberg
LINKS FROM THE SHOW:
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES
KRISTA RESNICK
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
ROSS ROSENBERG
ROSS ROSENBERG YOU TUBE
THE HUMAN MAGNET SYNDROME BOOK
Boundaries can be so challenging for many of us.
This meditation will help you remember who you are, regain your inner strength and to own your space. This meditation will help you teach others how you would like to be treated. ENJOY!!!
LINKS:
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP
STAY CONNECTED:
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
We have been conditioned to believe that anger is a negative emotion-especially for us women who have learned to be 'nice."
However, in today's episode, I want to help you understand that anger is a survival mechanism, rooted in passion. If you have a strong desire needing to be expressed that is thwarted, you will have anger. Just think about the messaging we receive as children around our emotions:
Don’t cry.
Don’t be scared.
Don’t be angry-it doesn’t look good on you.
Smile, it makes you look better…
But anger is about understanding what is important to you. It's about identifying what your values are What you stand up for. What the essential aspects of your life are that you hold dear to your heart.
My guest today Anchen Texter is a licensed Dynamic Emotional Integration® Trainer and Consultant and instructor at Empathy Academy. She specializes in teaching about anger and boundaries, emotion-regulation, and self-care and preventing empathic burnout. She's the author of five courses; Befriending Anger, Befriending Sadness, Befriending Shame, and Befriending Fear, and the workshop Awakening to Your Emotions.
Anchen teaches us in this episode that emotions are at the core of who we are and how we operate. She explains that when you know what you're feeling, then you have a whole lot more power in your life to decide how to act, what kind of relationships you want to have, where you want to spend your time, and the kind of memories you will create. Emotions literally affect everything. When you can listen to what your emotions are telling you, then you are making your emotions into your allies.
"Emotions have important messages for you. You can trust them."~Anchen Texter
"Everyday is a huge options of choices, and all of those choices are based on your values. When you know your values and what matters to you, life becomes a lot easier." ~Anchen Texter
"Your emotions are there to support you in being who you are." ~Anchen Texter
"Conflict is feedback and it can be a beautiful gift to bring us closer together."~Krista Resnick
"Boundaries are about going within, feeling your way through it and trusting yourself." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS:
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
EMOTIONAL ALLIANCE
EMPATHY ACADEMY
YOU TUBE CHANNEL
THE LANGUAGE OF EMOTIONS BOOK
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
THE DANCE OF ANGER
Today's podcast comes from a listener-thank you Shelby!
Her question came from wanting to know how to communicate her boundary while letting the other person know when they are being crossed, Shelby was curious as to how we can show that our boundaries have been crossed and let the other person know that it’s not okay, while at the same time let it go, and stand in acceptance.
I love this question, and it's one that many people get hung up on.
This podcast breaks down my thoughts and answer into some simple digestible action steps.
LINKS:
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES
Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community
So much of the love, the safety, the validation that we crave, we look for externally.
We want another person or situation or achieving some goal to make us feel a certain way-but as you know self love is an inside job and as a reminder, self love isn’t something you have to learn. This doesn’t have to be hard.
Love is who you are-so it really is a process of remembering, of letting go of all those judgments and limiting beliefs about who you are that keep you out of the energy of love and more in the energy of fear.
So the intention of this meditation is to just let go of the fears and the judgments and connect with the truest purest part of you which is love.
LINKS
Build Better Boundaries Workshop
Stay Connected:
Empowered Boundaries Facebook Group
Codependency is one of my favorite topics I know firsthand what it’s like to live on the other side of the street and lose all sense of myself. I think so many people suffer from codependency and aren’t even aware. That is why I am committed to talking about it and sharing information about it on this podcast.
Setting boundaries for a codependent person is a terrifying thing-almost impossible because a person who has codependent tendencies puts their value and wholeness in the hands of others. Therefore, boundaries = major risk!!!
My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today’s show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency, the connection between codependency and narcissism and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you.
Listen to Discover
- Definition of Codependency
- The 5 Core Symptoms of Codependency
- How we become codependent
- Why codependents struggle with authenticity and vulnerability
- The 4 steps we can take toward codependency recovery
“Codependency is a person who’s thinking and behavior revolves around something or something else rather than coming from their innate self. Your thinking and behavior revolves around something outside of you.” -Darlene Lancer
“The more we look outside of ourselves for our worth, the emptier and emptier we become inside.” In the later stages of codependency we can turn into an empty shell of ourselves.” -Darlene Lancer
“Codependents lose themselves in relationship.” -Darlene Lancer
“Parents are to mirror back to us our worth and enough-ness and when that doesn’t happen there’s a rift in the development of who we are.” -Krista Resnick
“Shame is a core sentiment of codependency.”- Darlene Lancer
“It’s not enough to say I love you….it’s about valuing you for WHO you are…your authentic self.” -Darlene Lancer
LINKS FROM THE EPISODE:
Darlene Lancer Website
Krista Resnick
Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community
Do you have a hard time trusting yourself? Do you hide parts of yourself – your feelings, beliefs, and ideas – in order to fit in or please others? Do you diminish or discount your feelings because you think they don’t matter?
Friends this is self-abandonment.
We abandon ourselves when we don’t value ourselves, when we don’t act in our own best interest, and when we don’t encourage and comfort ourselves. At the root is a lack of self love. And when we lack self love, we often use coping strategies like codependency, people pleasing, numbing, avoiding and distracting to over compensate.
Self-abandonment begins in childhood. It’s likely that your parents or other influential adults didn’t meet your emotional and/or physical needs in childhood – they abandoned you emotionally or physically — causing you to feel unworthy and unlovable.
As adults, we tend to repeat these types of patterns from childhood because they’re familiar; we repeatedly choose partners and friends who mistreat, take advantage of, or don’t support us. And we do the same to ourselves. We don’t know how to be there for ourselves because no one was truly there for us as children.
The good news is that we can heal. We can take responsibility for our growth and our lives and start building self-esteem and confidence to create whatever it is that we want.
Listen to discover:
- What self abandonment is
- Why we self abandon
- 4 ways to stop self abandoning
- The powerhouse of tools that many of us missing when it comes to personal growth
- Powerful journaling questions you can ask yourself to break the pattern of self abandonment
"Self-abandonment is a learned behavior, a way you tried to cope with unhealthy or dysfunctional family dynamics." ~Krista Resnick
"When you live in an unpredictable, chaotic, or abusive family, you learn to hide your true self. You act like a chameleon, morphing into whatever role will keep the peace and help you avoid ridicule, put-downs, physical and emotional pain." ~ Krista Resnick
"Abandoning yourself may have been a necessity during childhood, but it isn’t helpful anymore." ~Krista Resnick
"Everyone has feelings and needs. You may not have been allowed to express them as a child (or even in some of your adult relationships), but you can now be a safe haven for your own feelings and needs." ~Krista Resnick
"If you listen, your feelings will tell you what you need and when you meet your needs, you’ll be happier and healthier." ~Krista Resnick LINKS & RESOURCES:
COMING HOME TO YOU WORKSHOP
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
COMPASSIONATE BOUNDARIES MEDITATION & JOURNAL PROMPTS
What is attachment trauma and how does it correlate with boundaries?
Attachment trauma is “a consistent disruption of physical and emotional safety" in the family system.
Our nervous system's are constantly learning how to be in connection with people. And the biggest question we are often asking internally and subconsciously is -"is it safe to be in connection or not?" ARE YOU A SAFE PERSON?
When an infant experiences consistent care where his/her needs are met, he/she internalizes three things:
- I am safe
- I am heard
- I am valuable
If we don't experience these things are children, it builds the relationship template that we carry through our adult lives into our adult relationships.
When a child understands that they are safe, heard and valuable he or she can then develop other healthy relationships. Without this as a secure foundation, as adults we try to get the unmet needs of our inner child met which is what create so much chaos in our adult lives.
Listen to discover:
- What exactly is attachment trauma?
- The difference between overt and covert causes of trauma
- Why understanding your childhood is so important when it comes to patterns in adult relationships.
- The four attachment styles you need to know about
- How attachment trauma is directly link to creating SLDD or Codependency
"The initial relationship between self and others serves as a blueprint for all future relationships.”-Krista Resnick
"Our nervous system is constantly learning how to be in connection with people. And the biggest thing around that is, is the question...is it safe to be in connection or not? There’s all these overt ways that it can feel not safe, but also really covert ways that it can start feeling unsafe and shutting us down or revving us up." -Krista Resnick
"The unmet needs of our inner child are what create chaos in our adult life." -Krista Resnick
LINKS & RESOURCES
COMING HOME TO YOU WORKSHOP
Krista Resnick-Instagram
Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community
Website
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin
When you hear the word codependent what comes up for you? Do you feel contempt or shame? Does the term make you curious? Have you heard it before but not really sure what it is.
In this episode I unpack with you what codependency actually is-not necessarily what the symptoms are but the core root of codependency. I believe that this is incredibly important and often overlooked because we cannot treat it and step into recovery unless we really get at the root of what's causing it and solve it there.
Listen to discover:
Why codependency” is an outdated term.
Why so many codependents find themselves chronically in unhealthy, unbalanced relationships.
What codependency REALLY is
What causes codependency.
The one emotion that people with codependent tendencies are terrified to feel.
The 8 characteristics that make up our Self energy-the traits that we were born with.
A couple of tips to begin recovery from codependency
This is such a great episode to help you really understand all things codependency because again, we cannot treat it, if we don't really understand the root cause.
"God created us in HIS image. He is GOOD. Therefore WE are GOOD." ~Krista Resnick
"Our childhood attachment trauma causes us core shame and core shame is a belief that you are fundamentally bad or flawed."~Krista Resnick
"Each of us has a relationship template from childhood. It is this template that then sets us up for our adult relationships." ~Krista Resnick
"Loving someone while remaining invisible in the relationship creates pathological loneliness." ~Krista Resnick
"Codependents behave with OTHERS in mind and habitually controls others into loving them." ~Krista Resnick
"We have to go back and do the work around our childhood wounds-our trauma’s. We have to allow ourselves to grieve the parents that maybe we never had."~Krista Resnick
"The unmet needs of your inner child are what create chaos in your adult life." ~Krista Resnick
LINKS & RESOURCES
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES
EMPOWERED FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
THE HUMAN MAGNET BOOK
If you've been around Becoming Boundaried for a minute you know that I am crazy about relationship. Both relationship with SELF and relationship with others (because you can't have one without the other). When our boundaries are rigid, we are so often coming from a place of fear and judgment, which leads us to feeling isolated and lonely. The reality is, we are relational beings. But judgment breaks our relationships because we are saying my way is right therefore you are wrong-therefore there is no ability to connect. We dodge vulnerability and we often find ourselves in relationships where we are working to fix, control and manage others. These over-functioning parts can often block the true intimacy and connection that deep down we desire.
My guest today, Molly LaCroix is also passionate about relationship. In this interview, Molly talks about her own childhood adversity and the pain it caused her, which created a rift in her system. She explains how when we are left to process something that we don’t have the inner capacity to process on our own, it gets stuck and it shapes the choices moving forward that we make. So many of us wonder why we make the choices we do-we feel stuck and confused yet when Molly explains how childhood adversity and trauma get stuck in our system-it makes the 'stuckness' we experience make so much sense!
In this episode, we discuss healing from trauma using Internal Family Systems, how easily beliefs can get stuck in our system, and why we use fear and judgment to block us from experiencing true connection in our relationship as well as the pain that it can cause.
Listen to discover:
- What over-functioning really is and why we do it.
- What is the difference between judgment and discernment?
- How a U-TURN can help us stay on our side of the street and lead us to deeper connection with others.
- The skill we already have within to create beautiful and meaningful relationships.
- Why we opt for rules over relationship.
- What it means to have an experience stuck in our system.
- Why we hold onto negative things more easily than positive experiences.
- Why the missing link of relationships is emotions.
I love Molly's gentle and loving approach because safety and connection truly are what help us heal. God's design for us friends is to heal. And this conversation will help you understand why. Lastly we also touch on the topic of anger-one of my favorite emotions. Molly helps us recognize where to start if you are terrified of your anger but realize you've got it buried deep down within and need to slowly let it go.
"We can get curious about why a part of me is having this reaction to another person.-tell me more…" Molly LaCroix
"Uncertainty frightens us," Molly LaCroix
"Fear of vulnerability is always the underbelly of resisting connection with others." Molly LaCroix
"Our parts need to be heard and welcomed just as they are." Molly LaCroix
"I was raised in the church of ONE RIGHT WAY." Krista Resnick
LINKS & RESOURCES
Molly LaCroix Instagram
Molly LaCroix's Book
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP
Do you often feel like you are building someone else's life? You've done all the things you're supposed to do, your life looks good on paper and yet there is something off?
Friends, happiness, joy, freedom and peace come from within. My guest today, Andrea Tessier discovered this truth when she started to look inward and unlearn everyone else's expectations. Andrea's journey began with feeling insecure and working to overcompensate by being wrapped up in the hustle and self sacrifice. After recognizing that she was the problem and therefore the solution, she started on her journey of re-remembering who she really was.
In this episode Andrea shares her personal story and how she went from self sacrifice and insecure to being able to freely express and trust herself in every moment.
Listen to discover:
- How we can recognize that it's time to go deeper and do the internal work
- Why acceptance is the KEY to personal transformation.
- How we own who we are.
- The most powerful question we can ask ourselves to begin to KNOW ourselves.
- How to recognize when you are in your patterns of protection and coping
- Why sometimes self honoring choices don’t always feel good.
- Andrea’s favorite emotional release tools and why they are so important.
- Why feelings are such a big component in honoring our boundaries.
- Why feelings are such a powerful guidance system.
- The difference between speaking FROM anger versus ON BEHALF of our anger.
- What speaking your truth actually is.
We've all chased something in our lives that we believe will make us feel like we've arrived. The house, the relationship, the kids, the right friend group, the perfect body size, the right job, the right degree but even after all that chasing-I believe that many of us still feel those pangs. Those little nudges along the way that remind us- "HEY.....get back to YOU. You are enough, You are OK, You are worthy just as you are!!!"
Using the practices in this episode, you can turn up the self acceptance and self expression in your life, which will help you feel aligned and free no matter your circumstances.
“When we don’t know what we feel, we aren’t in tune with what we need.” Andrea Tessier
"I had to teach myself HOW to be self expressed. For decades I shoved everything down and in." Andrea Tessier
"If I’m not in my own personal truth and expression, how can I invite the other person forward to be in theirs?" Andrea Tessier
"Owning who you are is a choice in every single moment"-Andrea Tessier
"This idea of confusion is a myth. We are listening to so many things around us that it drowns out our knowing." -Andrea Tessier
"Too often we take responsibility for other people’s feelings."-Krista Resnick
"Words can destroy or words can build a bridge." -Krista Resnick
"We have to take ourselves out of autopilot." -Krista Resnick
LINKS & RESOURCES
Andrea Tessier Website
Freedom Starter Kit
Safe to Rise
STAY CONNECTED:
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES COMMUNITY
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES
Gaslighting, has become a popular term that is thrown around often. But what is it?
Do you often leave conversations feeling confused in your relationship?
Do you sometimes ask yourself, am I just too sensitive? Do you find yourself apologizing often in your relationship?
Do you make excuses for your partner's behavior and often second guess yourself?
You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around often, but it's far more than someone simply questioning our thoughts or our feelings
Gaslighting is psychological manipulation. It is typically intentional (although I do unpack in the episode how sometimes it can be an unconscious tactic) manipulative and designed to whittle away someone’s self-confidence.
Gaslighting is emotional abuse. And it's sneaky because it can be covert and subtle. The subtly can slowly erode and chip away at that gaslightee's. confidence and self worth.
Gaslighting typically takes place in romantic relationships, but it can take place in any relationships-friendships and family relationships.
In this episode, I’m sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you’re being gaslighted.
Listen to discover
- What gaslighting is
- Why do people gaslight
- How you spot gaslighting in your relationship
- What gaslighting might sound like
- 7 Signs your being Gaslight and what you can do about it.
- Tips for how to begin to trust yourself
"Gaslighters NEED control and power" -Krista Resnick
"Gaslighting is an unhealthy form of control arising from a need to dominate others." -Krista Resnick
"The difference with gaslighting is that there is another person or group that’s actively engaged in trying to make you second-guess what you know is true. If you don’t typically experience these feelings with other people but do with one particular individual, then you might be a victim of gaslighting."- Krista Resnick
"Gaslighting is a particularly sneaky and damaging form of abuse because it alienates us from our own internal compass. “It is hard to spot because, most of the times, it comes from people we love and trust." -Krista Resnick
"When words and actions don’t match, you will save yourself additional pain and disappointment by paying more attention to the person’s actions and behavior, rather than their words." -Krista Resnick
Learning about your emotions and tracking your patterns, allowing you to learn what triggers your feelings and gives helpful strategies to shift your moods." -Krista Resnick
"Part of what makes it painful and challenging to leave a gaslight relationship is that the gaslighter may be the one “someone” you have committed to, such as your best friend, your mom, your sister or brother. It’s okay to walk away from toxicity, regardless of the source."- Krista Resnick
LINKS & RESOURCES:
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
HOW TO TAKE A RELATIONAL TIME OUT IN 6 STEPS
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP
STAY CONNECTED:
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
We all have unpleasant conditions in our lives that cause us stress. We may try to ignore these situations, but they still affect us. If the condition could be eliminated, it is called a toleration. You cannot change what you tolerate, but for those of us who struggle with codependency, we tolerate A LOT (and for much too long).
We often have relationships with people who gaslight and have narcissistic type traits because at the core, we attract people who LOVE our focus on them. Codependents are OTHERS focused. And because we get our self worth from OTHERS, what they think, fixing them, helping them, serving them, managing them-we push our own needs and desires to the side and just tolerate things that we shouldn't.
Part of our recovery is to learn how to set the boundaries required, to eliminate these tolerations from our life. These could be internal boundaries or external boundaries-both apply here. In this episode I'm helping you understand what you might be tolerating in your life that is causing you to not stand for yourself and how you can start to become aware of some of things in your life that might be required to do a bit of a spring clean and detox them out. Maybe a relationship that has long expired, a friendship who is critical and dismissive of you, missed workouts and excuses, a closet full of clothes you never wear that is overwhelming to you, a pantry full of sugar laden items that take you off course from your diet, or mistreatment from your teenager.
Listen to this episode to discover:
- What tolerations are
- The reasons why you might be tolerating (aka-it's not your fault, it's your programming)
- How to build awareness around what you might be tolerating
- How to start eliminating tolerations The 7 D's of how to detox from your current list of tolerations.
Through the art of healthy boundary setting, we can learn to step into our sovereignty and speak our truth so we can have our needs met and live FULL LIVES. I hope the strategies and tips I provide in this episode will help you step into your inner leader and begin to not realize that there are just things in life that need to go.
“A toleration is something that is put up with or endured; it is a burden and eats up time, money, and mental space.” -Krista Resnick
"It’s a toleration for you if it creates frustration, drains your energy, or distracts you from what is really important."-Krista Resnick
"People who clear up tolerations often find that it opens up space for their creativity and intuition."-Krista Resnick
"In order to start eliminating tolerations you first need to know what they are. Ask yourself: What am I putting up with right now?” -Krista Resnick
Links & Resources:
Build Better Boundaries Workshop
Tolerations Detox Workbook
Krista Resnick Website
Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community
Britt Frank is my guest today. Friends-you are going to love her. Britt's vibrant energy and enthusiasm for this healing work just oozes through our conversation.
Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice.
Britt and I cover A LOT of ground in this episode beginning with the beauty we can find in rigidity. We often deem rigidity as a 'bad thing,' but rigid recovery as she calls it, can be the very thing we need to call upon at times when we are first setting out in this healing work. Britt unpacks why the word AND has so much potency in healing and growth work and helps us decipher when black and white thinking can be helpful, and when we need to call upon adding more 'grey' to our lives.
In this episode we also talk about the definition of trauma, how we must incorporate thought work into our healing and how we can't rely on thought work alone.
Listen to discover:
- The definition of trauma
- Why "change your thoughts, change your life" can’t stand alone.
- How to create a powerful affirmation versus an affirmation that feels phony and fake.
- The two enemies of trauma healing
- One of the best healing medicines for trauma
- What is happening in our bodies when we our boundaries are violated or when we are scared to set a boundary
- Why Britt believes healing work can be more simple than people often make it out to be.
I love Britt's approach to healing work because it allows me to remember that I am whole, complete, good and enough, JUST as a I am. It's grounded in simplicity and science, authenticity and real-life experiences of overcoming trauma and failure in order to show that anything is possible.
“Trauma is the absence of boundaries. Trauma is the complete absence of the ability to choose.” ~Britt Frank
"One of the healing medicines for trauma is boundaries." ~Britt Frank
"Shame does nothing for anyone."~Britt Frank
"No one can make you feel anything actually isn’t true." ~Britt Frank
"Trauma is not a fact or a permanent state." ~Britt Frank
"When you’re in survival mode-none of the thinking stuff will work." ~Britt Frank
LINK & RESOURCES
BRITT FRANK
BRITT FRANK INSTAGRAM
Order Britt's Book-THE SCIENCE OF STUCK
KRISTA RESNICK
KRISTA RESNICK INSTAGRAM
KRISTA RESNICK FACEBOOK
EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
Do you tend to think of boundaries as selfish, mean, aggressive in nature? Do you think they are simply about having arguments with other people? Do you think boundaries are ONLY about saying NO?
Friends this episode is all about expanding your boundary knowledge and paradigm. This episode is dedicated to help you see boundaries as an act of love. I know I sure didn't see them this way at one point in my life, however-boundaries were absolutely necessary to help me in my healing journey of overcoming codependent, perfectionism, people pleasing thinking. Boundaries are a game changer!
Listen to this episode to learn how boundaries can help you in your healing journey too to having authentic, honest relationships and love in your life.
Don't forget to save your seat in the Build Better Boundaries Workshop happening April 12 at 5pm CST
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP
Jen Walters is a confidence coach for professional women. After 25 years in corporate, she finally found the tools to overcome her personal confidence challenges. She grew from an insecure people-pleasing perfectionist with social anxiety, into a confident woman who goes after what she wants. Jen loves helping her clients get out of their own way, step into their awesomeness, and create the career and life they dream of.
In this power packed episode Jen goes deep explaining what confidence is.
She breaks down confidence down into 3 digestible pieces: self regard, self trust and the willingness to feel ANY emotion.
We also dive into what stops us from living in our truth, our authentic, favorite confident self. This is a really important episode to listen to if confidence is something you have lost on your way.
Learn more about Jen and her work here: | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
And don't forget to click on THIS LINK to get Jen's 3 Secrets to Building Self-Confidence
Krista Resnick | Build Better Boundaries Workshop | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
In today's episode I answer two listener's beautiful boundary questions in regard to guilt and conflict.
Before listening to this episode consider:
Are you afraid of conflict and letting others down?
Are you exhausted from trying to do it all
So you sometimes get sick from trying to make everyone happy all the time?
Do you feel like EVERYONE depends on you?
Are you STRESSED ALL THE TIME?
Do you feel guilty whenever you try and set a boundary?
If you’ve ever struggled with feeling guilty, or exhausted from holding everyone's stuff then this episode is for you.
Save your seat at THE BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES MASTERCLASS
Boundaries are an essential tool when it comes to speaking your truth and living free. And yet, so many people don't know what boundaries are. If we don't know what they are, we certainly don't understand the power of them or why we need to implement them in our lives.
In this episode I unpack the power of boundaries and how they set you free and empower you to speak your truth. Anything else is a one stop train ticket to resentment ranch.
BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES MASTERCLASS | EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FB COMMUNITY | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
When we are uncomfortable setting boundaries, it becomes easy to step into patterns like people pleasing to make sure everyone else is happy. However, this only sets us up for resentment and anger in our lives.
Unmet needs of your inner child is what creates chaos in your adult life.
Today’s caller, Franda, has trouble setting boundaries in her personal and work life.
Many of us think people-pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. However, this creates a life of self-abandon and resentment.
When we know how to meet our own needs and meet ourselves with compassion, we begin to feel empowered to set boundaries that protect our space and our relationships. It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first by making self-honoring choices.
Drop the people-pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices.
Before listening to this episode consider:
- Do you have a hard time keeping your boundaries in check?
- Are you exhausted trying to keep up with all the demands in your life?
- Do you spend more of your time worrying about others happiness rather than meeting your own needs?
- As a child, did you have to take on more responsibility than you should have?
Don't forget to save your spot in my upcoming Masterclass-Build Better Boundaries happening on March 10th
KRISTA RESNICK | INSTAGRAM | EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES MASTERCLASS
In today's episode I walk you though 7 Types of boundaries so you can begin to identify what types of boundaries you can begin setting in your relationships and life.
Setting boundaries is not about saying no to everything.
They’re about setting parameters, limits, guidelines for our life.
Boundaries are about creating safety. Essentially healthy boundaries do 3 things-
- Keep people from coming into our space and abusing us.
- Keep us from going into the space of others and abusing them.
- Give each of us a way to embody our sense of “who we are.”
Boundaries are not static. They’re dynamic – meaning they constantly change depending on the contexts we find ourselves in during the day. And they are constantly at play across all of those life areas I named.
As you can see, boundaries are a complex issue with many different facets.
By listening to these Boundary 101 episodes, my hope is that you will have a foundational understanding of what healthy boundaries are and where you can start setting them in your own life.
Links from the Show
KRISTA RESNICK |INSTAGRAM| EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | THE SECRET TO EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES
When it comes to healthy relationships, boundaries are ESSENTIAL!!!
Boundaries are limits that protect and promote our integrity, our wellbeing, our sense of healthy functioning. They protect our sacred inner space.
They are what allows us to have uniqueness and authenticity.
Without healthy boundaries, we start to blur and blend in with other people and start to lose touch with having a separate sense of self in a healthy way
Without boundaries, you are signing up for a life or anger, resentment, overwhelm and burn out.
Lack of boundaries will destroy your relationships because they simply won’t be able to thrive.
In this episode I talk about what exactly external boundaries are as well as why they are so crucial to our relationships. I also provide a couple of practical examples to help you understand what a healthy boundary may in fact look like.
Before listening to this episode consider:
In relationships, do I tend to be more aware of my own needs, wants, and feelings or aware of the needs, wants , and feelings of others
When it comes to setting boundaries, do I find it easy/difficult to set boundaries?
When it comes to hearing someone else’s boundary, do I find it easy/difficult to accept it?
Do I have a hard time expressing my needs and boundaries?
What does it feel like when other people set boundaries with me?
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community |The Secret to Empowered Boundaries
Often when people are referring to boundaries they are talking about external boundaries. These are the boundaries that we set with other's, to let them know our limitations, our preferences and our needs.
However in order to first set external boundaries, you have to be able to set internal boundaries. This means that you can set a boundary with yourself. FASCINATING RIGHT?
Boundaries are not all about what you do with other people-they have a lot to do with how we engage with ourselves.
Tune into this episode and then join the EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES facebook community to share with us what two internal boundaries you have settled on to implement in your life.
Links from this episode
KRISTA RESNICK | FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | INSTAGRAM | LIVE COACHING & SUPPORT | THE 'SECRET' TO EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES
The topic of boundaries bring up a lot of big feelings for many of us. We want to be seen as kind and loving. It feels hard to tell people no and deal with their upset and anger. Many of us have spent decades, stuffing our truth and not speaking on behalf of our needs and prioritizing what matters to us. Boundaries can feel so uncomfortable at first, it's almost as if we are doing something wrong. So much so, that often it even stops us from setting the boundary in the first place.
However, it is yours and my responsibility to own what is true for us and speak in a way that helps us get our needs met. It is our obligation to ourselves to set healthy boundaries. We don't have to be everything to everyone. It's not possible. We were put on this earth for such a time as this to fulfill our purpose, to shine. To live free and true. But if you don't set boundaries, you are signing up for resentment, depression and loads of overwhelm and anxiety.
This week on the podcast I spoke to Roshi who is wanting to set boundaries with her family to get started.
We talked about how to release some of the resentment that she is already battling from years of taking on so much and ways that she can move forward to begin to carve our space for herself.
Before you listen to this episode consider:
Do you struggle to set boundaries?
Are you overwhelmed ALL THE TIME?
Do you often feel angry and resentful?
Do you often say YES when everything in your body is begging you to say NO?
Do you tell yourself the story, if I don’t do it, no one else will?
Do you struggle to let go of control?
Do you think if you set a boundary you will be perceived as mean, unkind and unloving?
Listen to this episode if you want support around setting loving boundaries to get the space you need AND the connection you crave.
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook |Empowered Boundaries FB Community | Permission Granted Podcast Application
The Secret of Setting Empowered Boundaries Workbook
I am dedicating this show to my favorite topic-BOUNDARIES!!!
Boundaries are one of the key ways that we have better, more fulfilling relationships with other people. They are what truly help us to be successful with one another.
In this episode I break down what boundaries are, the benefits to knowing your boundaries and four KEY things I want you to know about setting healthy boundaries.
If you are ready to create more space and connection in your life-than this is the episode for you.
Krista Resnick| Instagram |Facebook | Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community
Most of us have been taught since early childhood that emotions are bad. And when we think our emotions are bad, we will do ANYTHING to avoid them.
Anything we want in life, healthy relationships, boundaries around our time and energy, a stronger intuition, a better relationship with ourself starts and ends with our emotions.
And yet, we will do anything to avoid feeling them. We work with healthy diets and exercise, we manage our reactions, we work as professionals at our jobs and yet we ignore the richest source of information-our emotions!
Our culture today reinforces us to not get bogged down by our feelings and emotions. Just consider for a moment some of the names that men and women are called when they act on behalf of their anger or their sadness.
When we believe that our emotions are bad, we begin to put masks on our emotions and vulnerability to cover up from being cast out of the tribe. We lean into our patterns of co-dependence, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and automatic programming. Eventually this creates a really in-authentic life.
This is what I talk about with Karla on this episode and SO MUCH MORE.
Remember, you were created to be an expression of your purpose, to set healthy boundaries and forge fulfilling relationships. And you cannot do that without honoring your emotions.
If you struggle to connect with your emotions, listen to this episode to find out how to make changes and feel a sense of freedom along the way.
Krista Resnick | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
KARLA MCLAREN | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
THE LANGUAGE OF EMOTIONS | THE ART OF EMPATHY
To create real and authentic conversations, we have to be willing to be honest. Most of us weren't taught how to do this. We were taught how to live in our patterns of people pleasing, approval seeking, perfectionism and "work harder" modes. Often these patterns are like we are wearing a mask, blocking us from our true and honest selves.
Lately, I have been thinking about radical honesty. It's not always easy to live a life that feels true. It's not always easy to speak our truth. It can feel difficult to take off the mask that we have used for so long to keep us safe. However the alternative is living a life that doesn't reflect what God has called us toward and who He has called us to BE.
The more we are willing to explore what stands in our way of honesty, we more we can start to work toward taking off the mask and allowing ourselves to be seen for who we are. I think that is the greatest freedom in the world-Freedom to be honest, freedom to live in a way and speak in a way that represents who we were created to be.
Listen to today's episode and give yourself permission to try the mindful practice so that you can start showing up honestly in your most important relationships.
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook
FREE~How to stop over-reacting and live with more peace and purpose instead.
NonViolent Communication
My guest today, Dr. DelRae grew up in a somewhat idyllic situation. She was raised in a small town on a farm with only 34 students in her graduating class.
She was taught strong values, morals and had a work ethic that was solid. However, as a young adult, DelRae was forced to unravel some of her own limiting beliefs due to some really challenging situations.
Outwardly, she appeared as though she had it all together. However, inside she was struggling.
DelRae found herself working harder and harder to escape her emotions and some of what was going on in her life. Slowly she began to play what she refers to as the when….then game.
When I reach this (level of income, meet this person, fill in the blank), then I will be happy. Perhaps you know this game well too?
When DelRae found herself at rock bottom, she finally looked in the mirror and took responsibility for her choices and life.
DelRae’s desire is to give women permission to believe that they can design their life through their authenticity and who they are. She empowers them to believe that they have the power to overcome every limiting belief that has been interwoven into their system. Dr. DelRae Messer, DC is CEO of WellSpoken Lifestyle, a global health, well-being and beauty company that believes everyone deserves to experience a healthy, joyful and abundant life.
She graduated magna cum laude from Northwestern Health Sciences University in 2007. Her passion for solving the health care crisis started as a young athlete in a rural farming community in North Dakota. After creating a sustainable lifestyle weight loss program in her Chiropractic office, she moved her business online, partnering with Isagenix International, a global holistic nutrition and well-being company.
Before listening to this episode, consider:
- Do you have ways in which you cope with big emotions?
- When a big emotion surfaces, what action do you typically take? (eating, shopping, over-working, over drinking, numbing on social media just to name a few).
- How has your childhood, no matter how healthy or unhealthy, impacted some of the ways in which you cope?
- Do you fully accept who you are? Or do you spend a lot of time being who you think you need to be in order to be accepted?
- Do you have someone in your life who can hold your story and help you grow? Do you have the support of people who see your highest potential or are you hanging around people who only see you for your worst day?
- Are you currently going through a season that is stretching you? If you are, who are you becoming as you go through the process of learning something new and being stretched?
- What step will you take to begin to unravel the story of who you think you need to be so that you can actually begin accepting who you are.
KRISTA RESNICK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
FREE~How to stop over-reacting and live with more peace and purpose.
DR. DELRAE | INSTAGRAM| FACEBOOK
"Listening with an open heart is the ultimate spiritual act. It is the greatest gift you can give to another person and ultimately yourself." ~Harriet Lerner
Have you ever been in a relationship where you have been truly listened to? Have you ever been with someone who you truly felt that all of you was welcome?
The art of listening can do just that. True listening creates a space where your loved ones feel see and heard. Where they feel safe enough to let their guard down and be who they truly are. What a gift!
However-so much of what have been taught in our Western culture is how to do the talking! We interrupt and think while the other person is talking of everything that we want to say.
Lyn Lindberg, my guest today, shares that we haven’t been taught the skills of listening. Quite frankly, our culture doesn’t value it. Our society values being in the limelight. It values the ones who are shouting-"look at me, I'm spectacular!"
And yet, listening is the gateway to healthy and rich relationships.
If you want a more intricate way to improve your relationships, listen to this episode where Lyn walks us through 8 key listening skills that we can practice to benefit from the gift of being truly connected with the people who matter to us.
Krista Resnick | INSTAGRAM |FACEBOOK|
Big T Trauma EXPLODES, little 't' trauma ERODES-Nicole Lewis Keeber
Have you ever felt like this world wasn't safe to live in? I don't mean our current circumstances per se (although those do apply here as well). But as a child, did you ever feel like you grew up in a system that wasn't built for you?
My guest today felt that way herself. Nicole Lewis Keeber has a passion for making this world a safer place to live in for those who don't feel safe. Growing up in a conservative community and Southern Baptist home, she struggled to see the world the way the systems and institutions around her taught. On top of that Nicole also struggled with school. All of this resulted in what is called little 't' trauma.
Nicole has used her little 't' trauma experiences to drive her passion of helping people understand what trauma really is. When you understand what trauma actually is, you can then begin to understand why you might feel stuck, overwhelmed, having the same argument over and over or not moving forward in your career or business.
Nicole uses her expertise as a therapist to help business owners and entrepreneurs understand the impact of small t trauma on businesses. Her biggest, more important work is in combining therapeutic processes with business coaching to help entrepreneurs build emotionally sustainable & financially successful businesses.
This is such an essential episode to listen to. Understanding how little 't' trauma can impact you will change your life. It opens you up to choosing a healing path that feels good for you so you can grow and begin to really live out your God given potential.
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook | Free~How to stop over-reacting and live with peace and purpose instead.
Nicole Lewis Keeber | Instagram | Facebook | Nicole's free trauma assessment | Nicole's book
"You deserve the best because your loved ones deserve the best of you, not what's left of you." - Becky
What do you think about when you hear self care?
In today's world we have motivation and inspiration all around to push us to keep going. But I want to remind you that pushing yourself to keep going often leads to burnout and many times it’s mandatory to STOP and remember how massively important it is to practice TRUE SELF CARE.
Self Care is not a waste of time, it is an INVESTMENT in a healthier, more productive time in the future. It is an investment in your relationship with YOU.
Perhaps you, my listener, have bought into the "GO CRUSH IT" hype and you are feeling exhausted, burned out and drained.
It appears we talk about self care once we reach that point of exhaustion.
And often, it's only when we wear ourselves out mentally, emotionally and physically that it somehow justifies taking a break so we don’t feel guilty. But because we are so depleted and empty, it just barely gets us back to baseline.
In today’s episode, my Guest Becky Lauridsen and I talk about what self care really is, why it matters, what stops you from practicing it and a whole lot more.
Becky is a Licensed Professional Counselor and crazy passionate about increasing self care and decreasing the mental health stigma. She is the Founder and Lead Supporter of IOME. It's an I Owe Me instead of an I Owe You offering Guilt Free Self Care by partnering with local businesses to offer discounted self care services and products to individuals, groups, and employers. IOME is one of the first to take a preventative approach to our mental health and wellness by providing simple and convenient access to mental wellness.
Becky is also the proud wife to her cowboy husband, Tyler, and mother to two beautiful girls, Bryer and Brystol. She believes that similar to our physical health, we can take a preventative approach to our mental health too.
Becky shares with us the difference between self-indulgence and true self care and how to make guilt free self care a daily practice.
Intentional self care doesn’t have to be for hours a day, and certainly does not require a spa or weekend in Bali. It is an investment in your well-being. If you’re a mama wondering how you will ever find the time to practice self care, then this episode is for you. A small dose of true self care is essential because you will be more emotionally, mentally and physically equipped to deal with your responsibilities and show up for the ones you love in an intentional and epic way.
Krista Resnick| | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
FREE-HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING AND LIVE WITH MORE PEACE AND PURPOSE
BECKY LAURIDSEN | INSTAGRAM |FACEBOOK
The past year and a half has been a has been a huge challenge when it comes to my sense of peace and inner freedom. For me, I understood that it was time to look deeper as to what was going on and release myself from whatever was happening internally.
I was tired of feeling lonely and isolate. I was tired of always being triggered by someone. I was tired of trying to control. Judgment was one of my own personal strategies that was so familiar and addictive to my feeling uncomfortable. Judgment was something I learned early on, made me feel better for a brief moment, but eventually I crashed with a hangover that felt at time almost unbearable.
We are hard wired for connection. But my judgment kept me blocked from the very thing God created us to experience. Depth, connection, and intimacy are spiritual ways of being. They add so much richness to our lives. Without them, life is meaningless and loses it's sense of purpose.
If you struggle with feeling connected and experiencing deeper intimacy in your life, I am inviting you to consider ways in which you have used the shield of judgment to protect your tender heart.
Listen in to this podcast where I unpack my own personal struggle and healing with judgment and what you can do to take some next steps in your own life if you battle with this too.
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook
"Alignment trumps everything. Stay off the subject that disturbs your alignment, and everything that you are about will come into alignment." ~Esther Hicks
Alignment-it's a buzz word today, but what actually is it and why does it matter when it comes to living your best life?
My guest today Spencer Snakard is an Executive Transformation Coach, Trainer, and Speaker. She works with Visionary Entrepreneurs & Transformational Leaders who are on a mission to make major impact, helping them to break through barriers to their next level of success while loving life every step of the way ... and without giving up what matters most to them.
Spencer and I break down why alignment is so vital to your success and life and the reasons why women are so afraid of getting clear around what they want. Spencer shares why ignorance is not bliss as well as providing you with some powerful questions to help you get clarity around the direction you are headed in life.
Before listening to this episode consider:
- Are you spending the most time on the things you love the least?
- Do you feel like you are just hanging on by the skin of your teeth and just getting by?
- Are you trying to squeeze your life into what you think it should be?
Links for Resources
SURVIVING TO THRIVING WORKBOOK
Krista Resnick | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn
Spencer Snakard | Facebook | Facebook group
When we spend all of our time caring for others, it’s easy to feel resentful, disappointed, and maybe even depressed.
It’s impossible to give and give and give and expect that we can have the energy to show up in our marriages feeling connected, present and satisfied. This call is about being the change you want to see in a relationship. Today’s caller, Jennifer, would like more intimacy and connection in her marriage. We work through how much energy she is putting out and not allowing herself to process the big emotions and bandwidth that comes along with having kids, (one being special needs who requires care around the clock), a career and the recent passing of her mother.
We often navigate through life from one thing to the next just continuing to press on. Of course it’s great to be efficient and effective in life. What’s not so great is to continue to stuff and avoid feelings that are begging to be released and processed. In order to avoid these feelings, we stay busy, work harder, lose ourselves in our passions, eat, drink, and binge on social media. These coping strategies come with a high price tag-disconnection in our relationships, lack of peace, exhaustion, anxiety, resentment, burn out and mostly disconnection from ourselves. Moving those big feelings is key to creating space in your life for a healthy marriage.
Jennifer’s question-After raising kids and being on the verge of an empty nest, do I still like my husband?
Question to reflect on before listening to this episode:
- What do you really want in your marriage that you might not be giving yourself?
- Do you seldom acknowledge yourself for everything you are doing well in life?
- Are you someone that holds a lot of space for others yet slim to none for yourself?
- Do you avoid sharing your feelings and asking for your needs to be met?
If this resonates with you-give yourself permission to feel your feelings and allow yourself to celebrate all parts of YOU!
If you want to be coached on the podcast please fill out this quick and simple form HERE
Resources:
Krista Resnick-Website | Instagram | Facebook
Do you find that you react easily? Do you find yourself having an almost out of body experience that lashes out at other when you feel hurt?
Do you feel anxious or like you walk on egg shells a lot?
How many times have you had a partner just say something that they believed-”well what’s the big deal….all I said was no.”
But here's the deal....for you it was SO much more than NO-it was the tone, the look, the dismissive nature, the critical undertone.
Our nervous system is wired way before we ever get to these moments. It is wired in childhood and if we don't learn how to bring ourselves out of survival mode, we continue to live in these states of dysregulation. We are easily triggered and find ourselves wrapped up in behaviors that are not healthy to us or the relationship.
It's important to remember that these behaviors are not voluntary. They are automatic responses based on our desire to survive. However-not always conducive to the creation of healthy relationships and the life that we actually desire. Learning to regulate is essential to our healing. It is so important as midlife women that we awaken to the power of this work. We don't have to spend our second act being a victim to old patterns and ways of being. We get to create a magical midlife and learn how to reparent ourselves by learning how to step out of survival mode and THRIVE.
From Surviving to Thriving Workbook-How to put the MAGIC back in Midlife
Krista Resnick | Instagram |Facebook |LinkedIn
Peter Levine's Waking the Tiger
You tube Video
The essence of trauma is the disconnection of the self “— Peter Levine
Today's podcast is dedicated to unpacking the three kinds of trauma. Join me in this episode as explain why I believe everyone has some sort of trauma.
If you've ever wondered why you can't seem to move on from a certain issue or make progress in an area of your life, there is a strong possibility that it is because of the trauma that you carry.
You cannot mindset your way through trauma. Too many of us have been trying to "think" our way through life. This can often cause us to question why we aren't making progress and wondering what is wrong with us.
I can promise you, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Listen in to learn more.
Krista Resnick | Instagram
Welcome to Permission Granted 2.0!
In this episode, I share why I deemed it necessary to share with you the direction that this podcast is moving toward.
I hope you'll enjoy the new season of the podcast show and everything that I'm going to bring to you here.
I'm excited to take you to a deeper level and talk about all things trauma and trauma related.
If you're a midlife mama looking for more purpose, peace and pleasure in your life, click HERE to sign up for a free discovery call with me.
Follow me on Instagram HERE
Want to be coached by me for free in an upcoming episode? Please fill out this form HERE
Have you ever asked the question, who am I?
I know I certainly have and my guess is that you have too.
My guest today...Solara Amun Ra formerly known as Raquel Vasallo, literally shed her old paradigm and ways of being to embrace her new identity.
It took Solara a near death experience to realize that the fast pace, high achieving lifestyle she was trying to uphold, was literally breaking her down. After this experience she took life into her hands, quit her job and move across the globe
Within less than a year Solara was stepping into her truth and creating peace, pleasure and purpose in her life.
She began working with top companies such as Fox Films, Paramount Pictures, Sony, Orange Telecom, McDonalds, Westin Palace and major advertising agencies like McCann Erickson and BBDO, helping employees and CEOs radically amplify their creativity, innovation and greater vision.
Through that work she found her true calling as an elite mentor to powerhouse visionary women, who are ready to catapult to the next level of success. This time it’s not just about financial success, but radical freedom.
Ten years later, her life shifted again when she became physically and mentally incapacitated due to severe mercury poisoning. Not being able to read or write, Solara started channeling teachings and paintings that became powerful healing and activation portals.
Before listening to this episode you may want to consider,
- Do you struggle to feel attracted to your partner?
- Are you pushing hard to get to your goals but can’t figure out why you don’t ever really quite make it there?
- Are you resistant to the word purpose?
- Do you crave more peace and space in your life, but can’t quite seem to figure out how to make it happen?
- Are you tired or running on empty?
- Do you crave space and peace in your life, but have no idea how to get there?
Solara is the #1 Best Selling Author of “Spiritual Seductress, The High-Powered Women’s Guide to Devour the World through Spiritual Guidance.”
She is the pre-eminent Spiritual Advisor to female Visionaries and Thought Leaders. She is an International Speaker, Mystic Artist and Feminine Leadership Trendsetter.
LINKS YOU WILL WANT TO EXPLORE:
KRISTA RESNICK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | THE SCHOOL OF SELF-MASTERY
SOLARA AMUN RA | SACRED POWER CIRCLE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
Do you know that you were born with a calling? Perhaps you do, but like my caller today, you are so wrapped up in pleasing others that you aren't able to prioritize your own needs.
Do you struggle with boundaries? Do you know you are a leader, yet you lead with hesitation and timidity? Do you lead with one foot in and one foot out? Do you find that people often put expectations on you as a leader that make you uncomfortable?
Friends if this is you, you will learn so much from my beautiful caller Cappie.
Cappie is a leader, but sometimes the title of the word leader feels heavy and makes her want to run the other way.
She knows she was created for a purpose, but she often finds that time slips through her fingers because she struggles to set boundaries and prioritize the things she needs to get done to BE the embodied leader she is meant to be.
I hope you enjoy my coaching call with Cappie.
If you would like to be coached on an upcoming episode please fill out the form HERE
“Your self-talk is the channel of behavior change”― Gino Norris
Do you struggle to talk kindly to yourself? If you answered yes, you're not alone. Most women do.
In todays podcast I will share with you 5 Ways to be Kinder to Yourself
Key Topics:
- How we shut ourselves down from growth when we are unkind to ourselves
- The power of choice and how we can use it to reach our goals
- 3 steps to learn how to be more gentle with yourself
The 7 Secrets of Sustainable Success
Do you struggle to sit in the unknown? Are you paralyzed by what your next step 'should' be?
You are not alone. So many of us struggle with these thingsToday's podcast focus's on how to sit in the uncertainty and show yourself some massive love in the process.
Key Topics in this Episode:
- The secret missing ingredient to meeting resistance and uncertainty
- How to make your next move toward clarity and your dreams
- The #1 thing you can do to reach your goals
The 7 Secrets to Sustainable Success
Pain pushes until vision pulls...Michael Beckwith
Do you often think that there is something wrong with you because you can't seem to make the necessary habits required to reach your potential?
I promise you, there is nothing wrong with you, but like the majority of us, somewhere along your journey, you experienced trauma or pain that caused you to feel unworthy, unsafe, unlovable or broken. As a response and a protection to that pain, your ego created something called a compensatory strategy. That strategy is used as a way to compensate for our feelings of insecurity, lack or fear.
We all want to feel safe in the world. We want to feel loved and know that we have value-so we create these strategies as a means to earn or hustle for our place in the world.
But these strategies will only cause you to feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, resentful and burned out.
Tune into this podcast to learn how some of these strategies might show up in your life and what you can do about them.
Key Topics:
- How high achievement isn't necessarily a good thing.
- The real reason that you're a people pleaser.
- The truth of why you might be burned out.
- What's underneath your loneliness, sadness and blocks.
7 Secrets to Sustainable Success
Are you afraid to be still? If you do slow down for a moment, what are you afraid of?
For some of you, being still might feel relatively traumatic. You may even find yourself bracing, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
My 'compensatory strategy' in life was to stay busy. When I was busy, it meant I didn't have to feel. I was afraid to sit with my feeling because I didn't know how to sit with my feelings. I didn't even really know what I was feeling.
Today's podcast is all about the compensatory strategies we fall into to feel safe, loved and worthy. I share in this episode my strategy and share a couple additional ones to help you think about and identify yours. We all have them-so know that you're not alone.
Key Topics:
- Why compensatory strategies are what we use to feel seen and worthy in the world.
- Why so many people are afraid to be still.
- What compensatory strategies might hold us back from.
- Further questions for contemplation and reflection to take this podcast deeper.
LINKS
7 Secrets of Sustainable Success
Have you ever thought that you’ve done “all the work” or know everything you need to know, but the truth of it deep down is, things still aren’t shifting?
I want you to consider a few of these questions:
- Do you get overwhelmed easily yet have trouble asking for help?
- Are you hard on yourself? Do you have a fierce inner critic?
- Do you internalize your feelings?
- Is it difficult for you to ask for support?
- Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
- Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
We can bury ourselves in books, podcasts, workshops and seminars all day, but you aren't embodying and experiencing the work? You will not ever reach your highest potential.
Until you have an experiential transformation, until we feel it somatically in our body?
IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!
This Episodes Key Topics:
- The David Principle-How the real work is actually about chipping away at what no longer serves you.
- Why living in our heads is so dangerous.
- The Key to true transformation and growth.
- The #1 most unselfish thing you can do for those you love.
LINKS
The 7 Secrets to Sustainable Success
In this episode, I ask you to truly consider allowing the inner critic's voice to be heard, but to meet it with compassion.
What we resist persists so if we judge the critic or ignore it, it will only DEMAND our attention by getting louder.
We all struggle with that internal voice from time to time. This episode will encourage you on days when you find yourself comparing frequently to others, feeling like you come up short, failing at your own expectations, or just sitting in a pit of pity, to simply take heart.
Those are moments of suffering. Are you being compassionate with yourself? Or are you allowing the critic to create a lot of self-beating, guilt and shame in your life.
This episode will encourage you to RINSE your thoughts and feelings, and meet yourself with grace and compassion.
LINKS
THE HEALTHY SELFISH FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
Transformation Coach Chantal Cox joins me on today's episode.
Going through anxiety and depression at 12 years old, Chantal is now on a mission to empower motivated professional women who are ready to break free from the bondage of daily stress and anxiety so that they can step into their full potential and Create a Life they Love.
Chantal knows what it means to be a high achiever, but struggled with patterns in her relationships. Eventually this led to her being in an abusive relationship. Isolated and alone, on her 30th birthday, Chantal decided that it was time for her to create a life she loved. She didn’t know what that would look like, but she did it one step at a time. You don’t believe the first step she chose and how it shook her right out of her comfort zone.
Chantal wants you to know that it all starts with one step. It doesn't matter how big or small, if you feel that pull, it's time to take the step.
CHANTAL COX | PODCAST | CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE BOOK | FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | WEBSITE
KRISTA RESNICK | WEBSITE | PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY |FACEBOOK PAGE | INSTAGRAM
“Honesty is better than sugar-coated bullshit.”
~ Unknown
To all my people pleasers out there, this one is for you. You will always fail at trying to be everything to everyone. Not only is people pleasing a waste of your precious energy, it also costs you authentic relationships. Mostly the relationship you have with yourself.
Key Topic in this Episode:
- Two reasons why people pleasing will keep you from living an authentic life.
- Why re-parenting is the answer to ditching people pleasing.
- Three really simple and game changing ways to return to who you are so you can leave people pleasing behind and begin to live an authentic life.
Krista Resnick | The Healthy Selfish Private Community | Instagram | Facebook
Join me in this episode as I talk to Dr. Beth Westie about all things female health.
Dr. Beth Westie is Doctor of Chiropractic, Author, Speaker, Women’s Health & Nutrition Expert.
She is the author of the Best Selling book, The Female Fat Solution, the creator of the 12 Week Female Fat Solution Challenge, and the host of The Female Health Solution Podcast. She is on a mission to educate and empower women to learn more about their bodies and uses nutrition to help women work with the natural cycle of their bodies to achieve lasting weight loss results.
I love how when Dr. Westie describes the female body, she refers to the fact that each week we are literally a different woman from the week before (due to hormones and how we are wired).
This requires us to approach each week differently as we navigate life and fuel our bodies with foods that regulate and flush out hormones that otherwise might be locked into our system.
Listen to her podcast to earn more and check out her NEW book “The Female Menopause Solution” at http://www.drbethwestie.com/
Krista Resnick | Healthy Selfish Facebook Community | Instagram |Facebook
We repeat what we don't repair..." Anonymous
Before you listen to this episode, you might want to grab a pen and a piece of paper because it if FULL of amazing truTHs.
On the surface this episode might appear as though it is all about some little gems I learned through my recent rebrand. But friends, please lean in..... it is actually so much deeper!
What is standing in the way of you truly living your divine assignment? What is in the way of you making your impact and legacy while you are here on this earth?
From my point of view, it is your responsibility to live your best life while you are here on this earth. However, there are some things blocking you. In this episode I am going to get really honest about 3 things that were holding me back from moving forward in my business, (and in my life because how we do ANYTHING IS HOW WE DO EVERYTHING) and I have a suspicion, they could be holding you back too.
KEY TOPICS:
If you're outsourcing your worth, you are not standing in confidence and authenticity
Why not being aligned will deplete your energy when it comes to hitting an intention or goal
The new paradigm on failing
The #1 thing that is keeping you stuck, isolated and lonely.
What stops us from doing our own healing work.
KRISTA RESNICK | THE SCHOOL OF BADASSERY | PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
Are you constantly in a state of pressure and overwhelm? Tired of the anxiety that keeps you up at night?
Friends-it just might be that you need a lesson in prioritizing YOU-I call it the Art of Healthy Selfish.
In this episode, you will learn 8 things that it it not selfish to do for yourself and your own wellbeing (and others wellbeing too).
Key Topics:
- Why practicing Healthy Selfish can drastically improve your relationships.
- How to start paying attention to what drains you.
- Why packing your calendar with obligation after obligation is NOT a good thing.
- What really stops us from focusing on our needs.
Krista Resnick
WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | LINKEDIN
THE SCHOOL OF BADASSERY
Whytli Rogers is a life coach, mental health advocate and survivor or sexual and mental abuse. She is the podcast host of In the Wake with Whytli and the Co-Founder of End the Stigma foundation. In this episode, Whytli shares about the trauma she experienced as being a survivor of mental and sexual abuse. Despite her anxiety, severe panic attacks, depression and even attempted suicide, Whytli managed to find the resilience, strength and fresh eyes to open her mind and show herself that more was possible for her life. Through her trauma, Whytli has learned to love herself and truly understand and meet her own needs. Her experience has awakened her to a passion for speaking up for injustice. As a coach and mental health advocate, Whytli wants others to know they are not alone. Her mission is to help others wake up to self love and healing their own shame and trauma. You can learn more about Whytli here: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | In the Wake Podcast KRISTA RESNICK WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | 7 SECRETS CHALLENGE | FACEBOOK
This is an elevated conversation about what real self love looks like.
Everything you want comes out of you. Everything. The career you want, the relationships you crave, the health you desire, the income you want to increase, the social connections you want, comes from you-so the relationship that you have with you better be a good one.
In this episode, we are going to take a look at what it means to really honor yourself and honor your worth. Because it is one of the most misunderstood mis-used terms in personal growth and healing.
Why?
Because truly, actively, loving yourself is your super-power.
Krista Resnick | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
THE SELFISH BADASS ASSESSMENT
Have you ever felt like you were grinding out a 9-5 that "wasn't quite you?"
Do you struggle to know what you want to DO with your life?
Can you really DO anything you want, anytime in your life???? My guest today Wendy Holloway believes you can.
Wendy was a vice president for a major American bank. One might say, "she had it ALL."
However, there was something bigger inside her that she was dying to share.
Listen to this episode as Wendy shares her highs and her lows of her life journey and what brought her to begin to follow the "energetic breadcrumbs" of her greater vision in life. Her interview will inspire you and leave you encouraged to find your way out of the dark as we all can be there sometimes.
KEY TOPICS:
- How the dark blessings of your past can give you key wisdom to bring into your future.
- Why being patient with ourselves is so important during growth and transitions.
- How we can rely on one another in times of need
- The best thing you can do to get out of a funk.
- Why following the energetic breadcrumbs will always take you down the "right path."
Featured Links
THE SCHOOL OF BADASSERY
Wendy Holloway | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | THE FLAVOR OF ITALY PODCAST | LINKEDIN
Krista Resnick | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
"Intuition is your communication with your higher self."
Victoria Shaw is Licensed Professional Counselor and Spiritual Coach who combines her background and training in psychology and counseling with her intuitive gifts to help clients heal, grow and realize their spiritual and full personal potential.
She has always been incredibly intuitive, but lost her intense connection to it when she lived in the busy and hustle of NYC. In this show, Victoria talks about how she reconnects with her intuition and will help you do the same.
You are intuitive whether you believe you are or not. We are all spiritual beings living in a physical body and that means-YOU ARE INTUITIVE!
KEY TOPICS
- The difference between intuition and mind.
- How to use your intuition to make a decision.
- How trauma can affect being connected with our intuition.
- Easy tips to get you started connected with your intuition
LINKS FROM SHOW:
THE SELFISH BADASS ASSESSMENT
VICTORIA SHAW | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK |INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
KRISTA RESNICK | WEBSITE |FACEBOOK |INSTAGRAM |LINKEDIN |PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
Insecurity and low self worth can be extremely painful and blinds us from seeing who we truly are.
Believe it or not we are not born insecure, we become that way. We live in a world where we believe that we must people please, perfect and perform in order to be seen and loved. This is a pattern developed in childhood based on the beliefs we accumulate when people are critical of us or we feel judged in some way.
We live in a world, where most people are pretty hard on themselves and it leaks into people being hard on other people. People who have judged or criticized you aren’t bad people, they probably are extremely critical and judgmental of themselves. The bottom line of all this is that when we commit to doing the internal work and get the help and support we need to grow our ‘insides’ we begin to act differently on the outside.
Confidence doesn’t always come from adding more things to our ever growing to do list and taking more action. It often comes from dropping into massive self acceptance and compassion by dropping our internal negative chatter, and learning to really love ourselves just as we are RIGHT NOW.
There is no such thing as perfect. You can totally release yourself from even trying to reach it from today forward. You can accept yourself right now, as you are today. You don’t have to make your love for yourself conditional anymore. You are with yourself all day everyday-so the relationship you have with yourself matters.
Today’s caller Tiffany is taking a huge step toward building her confidence. So much of this came from her childhood years and her relationship with her father. Tiffany’s father chose to give up his rights to her when she was just a child. This caused her to buy into the belief that “Hey, if my own Dad doesn’t want me, obviously I’m not enough.” Tiffany started to believe that she was in some way defective and that altering herself in some way (her pattern was proving), would somehow allow her to feel seen, heard and loved.
When we don’t receive the love and acceptance we need as children from our childhood, it can leave wounds that run deep.
But Tiffany is learning that building confidence is as much about what you stop doing rather than always what you start doing.
Get curious about your life. Look around and ask yourself…”what am I attracting into my life?” without self blame or criticism. Only notice. What is currently in your environment is there to serve you and teach you.
Listen to my session with Tiffany as she learns to build her confidence and security in herself and her choices.
If you want to be coached on The Selfish Badass Podcast, please fill out the following formHERE
Links mentioned in the show
The School of Badassery
Let's Get Social | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | LINKEDIN | PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
WEBSITE
Lynn Lambrecht is a fun loving and vibrant soul who squeezes what she can out of everyday life.
At age 37, she noticed that her eyes “felt funny” when I was living and working in China Lynn came back to the US, and scheduled an appointment with her childhood ophthalmologist. He discovered extremely high eye pressure in both eyes and told me I had glaucoma and worried she had acute glaucoma that would lead to blindness. Lynn's immediate reaction was that she wanted to see a sunrise and sunset in each of the 7 continents by age 55.
Did she do it? You'll have to tune in to find out.
Key Topics:
- The strengths that Lynn relied on to get her through that challenging time
- What this "dark blessing" revealed to Lynn.
- Why what you focus on matters.
- How you need to be an advocate for yourself.
LYNN'S LAMBRECHT | WEBSITE| INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | LINKEDIN
KRISTA RESNICK | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | LINKEDIN
THE SELFISH BADASS ASSESSMENT | THE SELFISH BADASS PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY-JOIN US!
I have written 11 books but each time I think ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’
—Maya Angelou
Laura Honeycutt is a sought-after speaker, teacher and leadership expert on a mission to put more women in the powerful leadership positions they deserve by unleashing their power. She excelled in a 25-year career in the cutthroat world of elite advertising agencies, despite navigating a system of bias against women while carrying a fierce case of imposter syndrome. Stressed out and burned out, she knew there was something more, and so she turned to a transformational coach to finally break through the thoughts and behaviors that kept her from everything she wanted.
Now, Laura helps the world’s badasses fiercely believe in themselves, define success on their own terms, and kick ass in their careers and lives.
And....she's my business bestie-so I know personally, she kicks ass!
Laura and I talk about what exactly imposter syndrome is and how it can show up for you. She gets real and lets you have a peak into her own battle with imposter syndrome that started at a very young age. Raised as a pastor's daughter, Laura found herself changing schools often trying to fit in with her classmates. She battled a constant sense of needing to change who she was and became dependent on others to define her worth.
Laura and I discuss the impact that imposter syndrome can have on your life-the suffering that it creates and how it plagues many successful driven leaders.
What you'll learn from this episode:
- Clues to evaluate whether or not you have imposter syndrome
- You are the biggest 'thing' in your way-Your mindset and what you believe about yourself is the only thing blocking you from success.
- Laura’s number one tip to start to build your self worth and begin to celebrate yourself.
Links mentioned in the Episode
Laura Honeycutt | WEBSITE | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | Facebook group
Krista Resnick | Website | Instagram | Facebook|
Join my private free community-The Selfish Badass Movement
Made for This Group Coaching Program
"Dreams are as an inspiring picture of the future that energizes your mind, will, and emotions, empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it."~ John C. Maxwell
It’s that time of year once again….a fresh calendar, new beginnings, and an open heart ready to flush out some new dreams for the new year.
I believe that everyone has a dream. Some people are thrilled to be able to share theirs openly and honestly, while others seem to shy away. It’s almost as if they are terrified or embarrassed to talk about their dream.
After working with hundreds of clients and students, I have noticed there are certain themes that run between those who have lost touch with their dreams. If you’ve lost touch with your dream, given up hope or never really connected with it, perhaps it will help you to learn about the top five reasons that people have trouble identifying their dreams.
KEY TOPICS COVERED:
- GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION TO DREAM
- HOW DISAPPOINTMENT CAN BLOCK YOU
- WHAT FAILURE REALLY MEANS
- WHY MEDIOCRITY WILL KILL ALL DREAMS
LINKS IN SHOW:
Clear & Kind Vision Planning Party
**Tracy is a spiritual advisor and mindset teacher to women leaders and entrepreneurs, a highly sought after keynote speaker, and international best-selling author. She teaches visionary women leaders and entrepreneurs to rise in all aspects of themselves. Tracy's work is guided by the core principle that we are the root cause of everything we experience and therefore we are only ever one choice away from altering our life and results.
She is the creator of Choice Work, a powerful and practical methodology that dramatically elevates prosperity, happiness, and fulfillment - one choice at a time.**
Tracy and I dive deep into what is really required to believe big and achieve all your dreams.
KEY TOPICS:
- Tracy’s biggest wake up moment
- why are we so hesitant to believe big?
- What it actually looks like to give yourself permission to dream
- The truth behind why community is VITAL to your growth and expansion.
- What you can't want different and stay the same.
- 3 things you can do immediately to start loving yourself well and manifesting your dreams.
LINKS
FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | YOU TUBE | LINKEDIN | TRACY'S NEWSLETTER
TRACY'S BOOK -WORTHY HUMAN
Want clarity around your dreams? Download my FREE Assessment HERE
Hang with me in my private free facebook community
FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
TOLERATIONS PODCAST
EPISODE ONE
EPISODE TWO
EPISODE THREE
EPISODE FOUR
EPISODE FIVE
Bronnie Ware~Five Regrets of the Dying
We’ve all heard it a million times ...It's the most wonderful time of the year.
But with to-do lists 3 miles long, a calendar packed with making merry, holiday programs and all the traditions we “HAVE” to keep, it can often feel like anything BUT the most wonderful time of the year.
The holidays are intended for connection and magical moments. For time to gather together and celebrate. However, we find ourselves hustling and bustling, buying and consuming, and throwing our sleep and exercise to the curb in order to squeeze it all in.
It’s a recipe for burnout, stress and anxiety!!! This episode provides 7 really powerful tips to help you stay on point not only during the holidays, but really in life all the time.
KEY TOPICS
- Tips to get clarity around what you actually want during the holiday season.
- The dangers of not getting your proper sleep.
- How to really feel your feelings.
- What not being present to life will really cost you.
LINKS:
MADE FOR THIS-my 10 week Group Coaching Program
Unlearning isn't easy and takes a lot of courage in today's world. We are taught that success is supposed to look like a certain way, or feel a certain way or sound a certain way. Society is really good at telling us who we should be, how we should operate in life, and what success is supposed to look like as a woman.
Because of this faulty idea of success, my guest today Cachet Prescott went on a journey to over-achieve and prove herself.
She checked every box she could in an attempt to be seen. Cachet was in her mid thirties, feeling lost and as though she didn't have her own identity. Cachet overly identified with her work and when her work didn’t work out-her identity was challenged. With three degrees, she found herself in a place where she felt unhappy and unsatisfied.
Our cultures glamorizes the idea of busy and achievement. This learning of...success ONLY looks like this, can keep us stuck at breakneck speed, missing all the moments and opportunities that really matter. It can keep us in a cycle of overwhelm, exhaustion and burn out.
Cachet Prescott is a shift talker whose superpower lies in helping others be intentional, responsible and accountable for how they show up and move in the world. A social scientist by training and a part-time faculty member in Psychology, she founded Shift Matters, a space dedicated to making shift happen: shifting thoughts, perspectives, actions, words and habits to move others from where they are to where they want to be.
Listen in today as Cachet and I talk about UnLearning Success and UnLearning Communication-two extraordinary concepts that can hold us back from deeper connection, presence and our true dreams.
Now matter where you're at right now in life, you can create a major turnaround by downloading The Selfish Badass Assessment. This is a powerful tool designed to help you gain clarity around what's holding you back from creating a life you love. If you're looking for more profit, productivity or passion in 2021 then this assessment is for you.
What you'll learn from this episode"
- Cachet's definition of success
- How you can follow the energetic breadcrumbs in your life to uncover your passion.
- How you can incorporate IRA into your life-INTENTIONAL. RESPONSIBLE. ACCOUNTABLE.
- Several awesome questions you can ask yourself to create your own definition of success.
- How to not live with regret.
- Why unlearning the way we were taught to communicate is so important.
- The greatest tool you can use to be a better communicator-and it's free!
- How to be a more assertive communicator.
- Tips for recognizing what your "crazy cycle" looks like when communicating.
Featured on the Show:
Want more passion, productivity and profit in 2021? Download The Selfish Badass Assessment HERE
CACHET PRESCOTT~ UnLearning Podcast
Let's get social! INSTAGRAM
Join my Facebook Community for High Achieving Leaders/Professionals here
The School of Badassery
The constant striving to achieve goals created by our current corporate culture, family demands, and overwhelming school and beauty standards have depleted our spark and vitality. Because running toward someone else’s goals makes us forget our own. And even when we achieve what we “should” want, it’s never satisfying because it wasn’t what we truly desired in the first place.
It’s time for us to become the exquisite caretakers of our own desires.
And that means getting selfish.
Today's show is all about the top 5 ways you can make selfishness a spiritual practice
What you'll learn from this episode:
- Understanding the Power of Visualization
- The Power in using the word NO.
- Why support is such an massive component to putting healthy selfish into practice.
- The easiest and fastest way to tune into what your soul needs.
Let's connect!
THE SELFISH BADASS PRIVATE COMMUNITY
THE 7 SECRETS OF SUSTAINABLE SUCCESS
WEBSITE
Got a question or want to share a takeaway from the show-please reach out to kristaresnickcoaching@gmail.com
In today's episode, we are going to unpack what it really means to become healthy-selfish. Everyone is selfish (yes, even you). But selfishness can be either unhealthy or healthy. "Healthy selfish," as I like to call it, can be thought of also as self-love.
Most of us have been taught to think selfishness is a bad quality — and it certainly can be. But what is also NOT acceptable or admirable is to neglect mental, emotional and physical well-being, and to live in the world with stress, resentment and a lack of joy. It is nothing short of unacceptable to contort yourself into a pretzel-you know, when you’re trying to be all things to all people.
What you'll learn from this episode:
- The two types of selfishness and how you can practice healthy selfish to establish real self care and keep from burning out.
- The dangers of people pleasing
- Why healthy selfish can be an integral part of your spiritual practice.
- The real reason why women are afraid to stop people pleasing.
Links mentioned in the show:
THE 7 SECRETS TO SUSTAINABLE SUCCESS
THE SELFISH BADASS COMMUNITY
WEBSITE
Got a question or want to share a takeaway from the show? Feel free to reach out at kristaresnickcoaching@gmail.com
"Being in your power as a woman means honoring your right to have money."~ Tamar Hermes
Money is such a beautiful thing. It affords us the right to be free, the right to serve yourself, your family, and contribute to others.
Yet so many women have limiting stories and narratives when it comes to believing that they themselves deserve to have wealth.
Before you dive into today's episode consider:
- Why don't women believe they deserve more?
- Why is money is seen as evil?
- Why can women fall into a trap that people with money are bad and spend their lives struggling over having enough?
- Why don't women honor creating wealth as sacred and powerful?
You are going to love my guest today Tamar Hermes, full-time Real Estate Investor, educator, and money coach. She is the CEO of Wealth Warrior Woman, where she guides women to become financially free through Real Estate Investing and creating an empowering relationship to money.
Tamar grew up poor as the child of a Holocaust survivor and believes your past does not define your future. She wants all women to realize their potential for wealth and is passionate about supporting women to release the ties that bind them over money.
Join me and Tamar to get advice on how to get ahead with it comes to your financial IQ and start making choices about what your relationship with money is going to be.
Connect with Tamar
WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
Connect with Krista
WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | THE SELFISH BADASS COMMUNITY | FACEBOOK
THE SCHOOL OF BADASSERY
Are you looking to smash your goals in 2021? Check out my new Assessment to gain clarity on what's holding you back HERE
Two books I love about money
The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist
The Illusion of Money by Kyle Cease
Money, A love story by Kate Northrup
"Oxygen is medicine moving through the body." ~Vaughn Pierro
Vaughn Pierro was brought into this world as an empathic soul. She felt a lot of emotion, and everyone's emotion. It was normal for Vaughn to cry at a McDonald's commercial. Because of that, people didn't always understand her and she was made fun of. As a result, Vaughn began to tuck parts of her away that she deemed unacceptable. She stuffed and shoved her emotions and the very thing that was her gift.
Suppressing emotion can lead to a whole slew of health problems which is exactly what Vaughn experienced. When she found herself at a personal development retreat, she took her very first breathwork session and was blown away by what she experienced. She felt her body, her energy, her emotions for the first time in years.
tune in this week at Vaughn and I discuss the power of the breath and how crucial and medicinal it can be to aligning with your highest self.
If you want to claim your seat in The School of Badassery, (where yes, you will receive a free 90 breathwork session with Vaughn), you can claim you spot HERE. This month we are also discussing the topic of Mindfulness and Presence-imagine going into the holidays feeling peace and calm instead of frazzled and frenzied. You receive access to past trainings such as expectations and boundaries. Plus you gain access to additional tools for The Selfish Badass community only. Join us!
What you'll learn from this episode:
- Why breathwork is so powerful
- Why suppressing emotions is so dangerous.
- How following her energetic breadcrumbs led Vaughn down a pretty amazing journey.
- How Vaughn resisted the negative voices once she claimed her dreams.
- The danger as a woman of not honoring your desires.
- What Vaughn's daily breath practice looks like now.
Featured on the Show:
The Selfish Badass Assessment
Vaughn Pierro | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
Let's be social| INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK |
THE SELFISH BADASS COMMUNITY-a space for female leaders and professionals who want to create a life what lights her soul ON FIRE
Here in the midwest we are enjoying a spectacular fall. Leaves have slowly been turning from a healthy green to gorgeous shades of burnt orange, red and yellow. Fall is no doubt my favorite time of year, and as I go for my daily soul stroll, I've been watching the leaves move from summer brightness and the picture of health to letting go and falling to the ground.
It got me thinking about us as humans and the things that we hold onto and the things we might need to let go of.
For this power packed 5 week Bonus Series-I am going to be inviting you to let go of things that might be serving you any longer. Things that might be cluttering up your life either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
Today we are going to discuss letting go of our assumptions. Assumptions are really personal because we have personal experience with them-we assume because something happened before, it will happen again and they are a massive energy block to your productivity and success.
Join me on this 5 week journey of lessons in holding on & letting go.
Links you need:
Let's get social | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
WEBSITE
The School of Badassery
The Selfish Badass Private Community for Female Leaders
Here in the midwest we are enjoying a spectacular fall. Leaves have slowly been turning from a healthy green to gorgeous shades of burnt orange, red and yellow. Fall is no doubt my favorite time of year, and as I go for my daily soul stroll, I've been watching the leaves move from summer brightness and the picture of health to letting go and falling to the ground.
It got me thinking about us as humans and the things that we hold onto and the things we might need to let go of.
For this power packed 5 week Bonus Series-I am going to be inviting you to let go of things that might be serving you any longer. Things that might be cluttering up your life either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
Today we are going to discuss letting go of our excuses.
Join me on this 5 week journey of lessons in holding on & letting go.
Links you need:
Let's get social | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
WEBSITE
The School of Badassery
The Selfish Badass Private Community for Female Leaders
Here in the midwest we are enjoying a spectacular fall. Leaves have slowly been turning from a healthy green to gorgeous shades of burnt orange, red and yellow. Fall is no doubt my favorite time of year, and as I go for my daily soul stroll, I've been watching the leaves move from summer brightness and the picture of health to letting go and falling to the ground.
It got me thinking about us as humans and the things that we hold onto and the things we might need to let go of.
For this power packed 5 week Bonus Series-I am going to be inviting you to let go of things that might be serving you any longer. Things that might be cluttering up your life either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
Today we are going to discuss letting go of strong catabolic emotions such as anger, resentment and envy. While all emotions are valid-it we stay in those catabolic feeling states for too long, they will cause us to feel burn out and clog our success, productivity and joy.
Join me on this 5 week journey of lessons in holding on & letting go.
Links you need:
Let's get social | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
WEBSITE
The Selfish Badass Private Community for Female Leaders
Here in the midwest we are enjoying a spectacular fall. Leaves have slowly been turning from a healthy green to gorgeous shades of burnt orange, red and yellow. Fall is no doubt my favorite time of year, and as I go for my daily soul stroll, I've been watching the leaves move from summer brightness and the picture of health to letting go and falling to the ground.
It got me thinking about us as humans and the things that we hold onto and the things we might need to let go of.
For this power packed 5 week Bonus Series-I am going to be inviting you to let go of things that might be serving you any longer. Things that might be cluttering up your life either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
Today we are going to discuss letting go of other people's opinions. FOPO (Fear of Other People's Opinions) will clog your productivity, intuition, confidence and success.
Join me on this 5 week journey of lessons in holding on & letting go.
Links you need:
Let's get social | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
WEBSITE
The Selfish Badass Private Community for Female Leaders
Here in the midwest we are enjoying a spectacular fall. Leaves have slowly been turning from a healthy green to gorgeous shades of burnt orange, red and yellow. Fall is no doubt my favorite time of year, and as I go for my daily soul stroll, I've been watching the leaves move from summer brightness and the picture of health to letting go and falling to the ground.
It got me thinking about us as humans and the things that we hold onto and the things we might need to let go of.
For this power packed 5 week Bonus Series-I am going to be inviting you to let go of things that might be serving you any longer. Things that might be cluttering up your life either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
Today we are going to discuss letting go of physical items you no longer need that might be clogging up your productivity and success.
Join me on this 5 week journey of lessons in holding on & letting go.
Links you need:
Let's get social | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
WEBSITE
The Selfish Badass Private Community for Female Leaders
During this interesting time of literally wearing masks, I wonder how many of us have felt as though we have been wearing a mask our entire life? Today's guest, Liza Lomax experienced that feeling first hand.
Liza is a Body Image Coach who helps womxn that yo-yo with their weight. Liza supports her clients by helping them heal their relationship with food and their bodies and while eliminating negative self talk, so they feel beautiful and confident.
Liza went from being a massive people pleaser to a people LOVER (YES, there is a HUGE difference) which caused many years of hiding, shrinking, hedging and holding back.
This hiding behavior led Liza to wind up battling not 1 but 2 eating disorders. Liza'a desire is to encourage you -Do not give up. Life is full of ups and downs. If you want change bad enough, keep going until you make it happen.
Here are some questions to consider as you listen to the episode:
- Do you sometimes feel as though there are parts of you that you had to put away on a shelf for no one to see?
- Were there times in your childhood or upbringing where you felt embarrassed or ashamed of who you were?
- Do you struggle to feel as though you can be your real, true, authentic self?
Tune into this powerful episode to hear more from this series Rising from the Ashes and Liza Lomax
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE;
The School of Badassery
Liza Lomax | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN | TWITTER | CONNECT WITH LIZA
Check out my guide to practicing Radical Self Care-Why Selfish is the New Black
The Power of YOU webinar
Let's be friends on Instagram
Join my Facebook group for female leaders HERE
"Gold is not found at the surface...you’ve got to dig for it." ~Melissa West
We need to talk about the chase.
Are you chasing the goal, the program, the car, the money the validation, the degree, the recognition?
Do you feel scattered?
Do you lack purposeful intention and direction?
Are you grasping for surface answers to fill a deeper issue?
Do you feel like you’re in your head a lot?
Does your energy automatically default to fear, self-doubt and people pleasing?
My friends-all of the above is a symptom of a much bigger issue. This is living life without knowing your worth. This is life without really understanding WHO you were meant to be.
Imagine what it would feel like to not be a victim to your calendar any longer?
Imagine how it would feel to wake up and experience more happiness and presence throughout your day.
What if you felt into the experiences of every item on your daily to-do list? What if you could find joy in all the little things you did all day long?
Melissa West is a kick-ass coach, speaker, author and CEO of Xtreme Results. She encourages business professionals to rediscover their purpose and passion and empowers them to create an amazing business and life of their dreams. Melissa helps leaders get unstuck so they can do the fulfilling work they are meant to do in the world.
Join us today and enjoy this conversation with Melissa West. I know you are going to walk away with your mind blown and feelings inspired to take action to begin living a more purpose-fueled life. Melissa and I share the same philosophy on leadership, passion and vision and you'll leave this episode asking yourself questions that will transform your life!
The School of Badassery's FIRST LIVE TRAINING ON BOUNDARIES IS THIS WEEK-JOIN US!!!!!
What you'll learn from this episode:
- How 'dark blessings' as Melissa calls them can be turned into major opportunities to tune into your purpose & passion.
- How to make your confidence SKY ROCKET.
- What purpose actually is.
- How Melissa went from a woman who questioned herself to being a woman who is fueled by confidence and purpose.
- The dangers of putting your value in things outside of yourself.
- How to find more presence in your life.
- How to discover your sweet spot.
FEATURED ON THE SHOW-The School of Badassery
Check out my guide to practicing Radical Self Care-Why Selfish is the New Black
The Power of YOU webinar
Let's be friends on Instagram
Join my Facebook group for female leaders HERE
Melissa West WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
Can you please do yourself a favor and give yourself permission to stop always be last on the list?
Listen, as a mom of 3 myself and a female leader-I know it can be tough. But I believe that each and every one of us has a divine assignment that is our responsibility to fulfill while we are here on this earth and we don't have time to be exhausted, burned out and drained by trying to accommodate everyone else!
Your first challenge this week is to get honest with yourself and really ask the hard question of-"How much longer can keep pouring out for everyone else and ignore myself?
Your second challenge is to follow the breadcrumbs of what lights your soul on fire. Put one or two of those things on the calendar and honor yourself by following through on those commitments.
Permission Granted!!!
Links Mentioned
The School of Badassery
Krista Resnick | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK
Friendship is not organic, it’s intentional...Noelle Rhodes
When my guest Noelle found herself up at night googling " how to make friends in your mid 30’s," she had no idea the road that it would take her down. Meet Noelle Rhodes, Friendship coach and researcher whose mission is to let women know that they are not the only ones looking for female friendships. She also hosts Friending: a no-nonsense, all-practical, and sometimes hilarious podcast show that helps women grow health female friendship in these modern times
Questions to consider as you listen to this pod:
- Have you ever felt lonely-do you ever feel like your responsibility and ambitions sometimes take over your connection and friendships?
- Do you wonder why or if friendships really matter all that much?
- Do you sometimes feel lonely?
- Have you bought into the belief that you have to be friends with EVERYONE, therefore you find friendship exhausting?
You are not going to want to miss this pod my friends because it is FULL of juicy tips to help you build community and friendship in your life.
What you'll learn on this episode:
- 3 Mindsets that are minimizing our friendships.
- How to determine if your friendships have turned a bit unhealthy and it’s time to let them go.
- Why conflict in friendship isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Why believing every friendship has to be at the same level, will destroy your closest friendships.
- How friendships can actually be a part of your goals, self care and priorities.
- Why limiting your friendships helps you actually have deeper friendships that fill your soul.
- Why loneliness is poison for the mind.
- Why making friends can be so hard as an adult female.
- How reality shows set us up for something Noelle calls Friendship Fantasy.
- Why Female friendships matter.
Links mentioned on the show: NOELLE RHODES: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK The Lonely American
Join Krista's new epic learning lab-The School of Badassery
KRISTA RESNICK: WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
“You don’t have to hold a position in order to be a leader.” – Henry Ford
I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before, but you are a leader.
Do YOU see yourself as a leader?
Leadership is NOT about the roles you play-it is WHO you are being in this world and how you are showing up.
Are you showing up in a way that helps people move forward into their own impact and potential?
Each and everyone of us has a massive opportunity to leave an impact, create success and live a kick-ass life, but it's mandatory that in order to do so you MUST be willing to walk away from the things that drain you.
Tune into this episode to hear one of the top energy drains that might be taking you off course from your leadership and vision.
SHOW MENTIONS:
You seriously MUST claim your spot at my live interactive masterclass The Power of You.
Being a leader isn't about some cookie cutter approach that the patriarchy paradigm told you it was.
Being a leader is about going the way, showing the way and knowing the way. It's about showing up despite the fear and taking responsibility for your vision. See you in class!
Are you someone who struggles with the 3 P's? Perfectionism, Proving and Pleasing.
Do you have trouble making decisions have constant brain fog, indecision or maybe you feel like you run on frenzy 24/7?
Tune in my friends, because it's very possible that you have high functioning anxiety.
My guest this week is Heather Rider an anxiety specialist who personally overcame high functioning anxiety herself.
You will find it interesting to know that Heather wasn't even aware that she struggled with anxiety. She was convinced that she was just stressed and mentally exhausted. She didn't really think she had the signs or the symptoms of a person with anxiety. Can you relate?
Eventually it took Heather getting severely sick to realize that something needed to change.
Join me this week as Heather and I discuss how her pain turned into greatest passion-helping high achieving women move through anxiety to live a life of happiness, ease and fulfillment.
If you’ve been loving the show, I want to challenge you to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
What you'll learn from this episode:
- The number way to recognize if you have anxiety.
- Anxiety is not something you have or don't have-it's a much deeper issue.
- How old experiences turn to trauma and can calcify in our body-creating toxicity and anxiety
- The 3 steps to begin to identify and heal anxiety.
- Why getting in touch with your emotions is crucial when it comes to healing anxiety.
Featured on the Show:
Want more info on my upcoming kick-ass webinar The Power of You? Click HERE
Looking for advanced information on my epic Made For This group coaching program that kicks off in January 2021? Yes you do...Click HERE
Heather Rider | WEBSITE | LINKEDIN | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
Let's be friends on Instagram
Join my FREE 7 Secrets of Sustainable Success Experience
Download my epic Why Selfish is The New Black E-book
"Talking about a traumatic experience does not resolve trauma. These experiences are lodged in our bodies. They are imprinted in our nervous systems. Reactions that got wired to that event or experience. The body remembers feeling unsafe and it reminds us each time the trauma gets triggered. The mind may create stories and explanations and rationalizations but the body never lies." ~Dr. Valerie Rein
Have you ever felt like there was something wrong with you? Have you ever asked yourself, why can I just achieve the success, happiness and fulfillment I desire?
Friends, I promise you, there is NOTHING wrong with you. However, there's a very good chance that you might be suffering from trauma and not even know it.
Dr. Valerie says that trauma is any experience that made you feel unsafe both physically and emotionally resulting in your inability to show up as the fullest authentic expression of yourself. Okay-that definition includes every one of us!
Dr. Valerie Rein is a sought after speaker and trainer and when you listen to this episode, you'll know why. She is the author of the bestselling book -Patriarchy Stress Disorder and she helps women move from surviving to thriving by mastering the game of "how good can it get" in their work and personal lives.
If you want to take part in the 7 Secrets of Sustainable Success Challenge you can sign up Here-it's totally free. Hello? Why would you NOT?
Be sure to check out my facebook group for Badass women leaders, visionaries and entrepreneurs HERE.
What you'll learn from this episode:
- Why you're really blocked from success, happiness and fulfillment.
- Four survival reactions most women have spent a good portion of their lives in an attempt to protect themselves from truly being seen.
- Why reaching for external answers to internal solutions never works.
- Why being fully, authentic, amazing you-is the least selfish thing you can do.
- What I am enough really means.
Featured on the show:
Dr; Valerie Rein | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
PATRIARCHY STRESS DISORDER
THE THRIVING EXPERIENCE
Want the low down on my highly sought after, life-changing 8 week group coaching program, Made For This? Check it out here. The waitlist has begun.
Are you ready to be coached LIVE? If so, get excited because The Selfish Badass Podcast is now introducing live coaching.
If you are someone who has always wanted to be coached, this is an extraordinary opportunity.
Please fill out the application to be coached live right HERE
NOTE You will only be contacted IF you are chosen to be coached.
"Mere color can speak to the soul in a thousand different ways..." ~Oscar Wilde
In this episode we are talking all about how to own your space using your colors.
This is such a fun, vibrant episode that is being released in a time that feels heavy and maybe even a bit dark.
Learn how this busy mom of four started to tap into her passion of color and now helps other women own their space by wearing colors that really work FOR them.
Shirley Zaccheo, creator and founder of You and Improved, has been hustling since she was selling flowers from a roadside stand at 16 years old.
Shirley has always had a love of color-since she was a little girl and would play with her grandmothers color crayons. And even though she was little, there was a seed planted in her life.
Listen in this week to hear my conversation with Shirley so you can start to use color in a way that helps you own your space. Everything is energy people and color gives off an energy, a vibe. So let me ask you, do you know what energy you are emitting?
I want to be clear-this is NOT a conversation about vanity. This is a conversation about owning your space. You being YOU.
What you'll learn from this episode:
- How quickly a person bases an opinion of you from a first appearance.
- Where to start when you don’t think you are fashionable.
- Why color is the first thing to start with when it comes to owning your space.
- Why you want your wardrobe to work FOR you and not against you.
- How color can really determine the inner energy that is going on.
- What color energy really is.
- What color does to our emotions.
- We unpack certain power colors and what certain other colors mean.
- We talk about leaders/celebrities and profile their colors.
- How colors can communicate your messaging and branding.
- 5 tips to owning your colors
- The one thing you must know before you give yourself permission to practice self care.
Featured on the Show:
Join my Facebook group exclusively for badass women leaders here.
Let's be friends on Instagram
Check out my e-book Why Selfish is the New Black
Shirley Zaccheo: FACEBOOK
How you spend your days is how you spend your life...
Can you remember the last time someone said to "I just have so much time on my hands...." probably not for awhile-if ever
So many people struggle to be intentional with their time and they often wind up feeling deflated by the end of the day. The to do lists seem never ending and often times the story is the same..."if there was just more time in the day I could get it all done...."
I can't wait to introduce to you Amanda Warfield. I absolutely LOVE the concept of being the creator of time and the conversation I had today with her blew me away. Amanda is a coach who specializes in time and stress management by learning how to set boundaries, time block and simplify your life. Amanda is sharing with you how to organize your day in a way that fuels you and helps you to get the most out of every moment. She also has some really incredible insight into why creating white space on your calendar is mandatory to creating a life you love.
If you want to work with me in 2020, to uncover your purpose so you can thrive without compromise, I have 2 private coaching slots available. You can learn more HERE.
Be sure to check out July's rendition of The Morning Brew HERE-my coffee, connection and coaching opportunity.
What you'll learn from this episode:
- How prioritizing Amanda's marriage transformed every aspect of her life when it came to time.
- How perfectionism and busyness will keep you stuck from being intentional with your time.
- Amanda's definition of time management.
- The reasons why people struggle to manage their priorities.
- Why FUN must be an integral part of getting things done and creating a life you love.
- Why simplicity must lead the way when it comes to building a life by design rather than by default.
Links to find Amanda:
WEBSITE
July's sign up for Morning Brew-my monthly group coaching experience. Join me on July 1st at 7am CST for our teaching/coaching on what you are tolerating in your life.
Why Selfish is The New Black E Book
If you hear a voice within you say, '"You cannot paint," then by all means pain, and that voice will be silenced."~Van Gogh
In this episode we are talking about what you are tolerating from YOU. Often times we think of what we are tolerating when it comes to our external world and people, but we can also tolerate unacceptable behavior from ourselves.
Tune in to this epic episode to learn:
- The 3 ways self doubt sneaks up on us to keep us stuck and spiraling.
- Tips to combat hesitation and some powerful questions you can ask yourself to show up and be seen in your life.
- My FAVORITE tool for how to pick myself back up when I've 'failed.'
LINKS FROM EPISODE:
Toleration Detox Tool
Made For This 8 Week Intensive
"Ask yourself if what you're doing today is helping you getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow."~Unknown
In this episode I'm going to share with you some of the current things in my work that I am tolerating. While they might seem like simple things, it's surprising at how much they really are taxing on your energy. What might you be tolerating in your work or career? It could be something as simple as the lights not working great, to the heat pummeling out of the vents, making it impossible for you to focus.
Or maybe it's something a bit larger on the spectrum like that website copy you really need to get written or having that crucial conversation with your employer about that raise you know you deserve.
Either way- you cannot change what you tolerate. It's time to plug those little pesky things that are draining your energy so you can show up powerfully and create a purpose-filled life!
LINKS YOU NEED FROM THIS EPISODE:
TOLERATIONS DETOX SHEET
Join the 7 Secrets to Sustainable Success Challenge HERE.
Join Next Months's Morning Brew. The call is FREE! I don't care if you're showered, have make-up on, you're sitting in traffic (hands-free, of course!) or still in bed. This is a judgment free zone! Just stop with the excuses already and JOIN. We will be doing a deeper dive of what we are tolerating as women. We meet the first Wednesday of every month at 7am CST.
Want tools and resources to help you stay CALM DURING COVID? Join my 5 day micro course-totally free and totally ROBUST. Receive 5 deep dive journaling prompts to help you process through uncertain times.
"Being healthy is a way of life. It's not just about what you feed your body; it's about what you feed your mind and the social environment you keep."
~Dr. Steve Maraboli
Did you know that your Environment is EVERYTHING?
You’ve probably heard it before but what does that mean? We're not talking about your closet (although I LOVE a good closet detox too).
When I talk about environment I am talking about where you are putting your energy.
Who you are surrounding yourself with, what kind of material are you reading, what blogs do you subscribe to, what kind of facebook groups are you in, who are you following on social media, what emails are coming into your inbox everyday?
This week, we are going to do some toleration detox around what you are choosing within your environment
What you will learn in this episode:
- What self care REALLY means.
- Why we have a hard time releasing people that deplete our energy.
- The first step you must take if you want to start living a life you really love.
- Practical steps on how to clean up your environment.
LINKS YOU NEED:
- Tools for the Tolerations Detox.
- Join the 7 Secrets to Sustainable Success Challenge HERE.
- Join Next Months's Morning Brew.The call is FREE! I don't care if you're showered, have make-up on, you're sitting in traffic (hands-free, of course!) or still in bed. This is a judgment free zone! Just stop with the excuses already and JOIN. We will be doing a deeper dive of what we are tolerating as women. We meet the first Wednesday of every month at 7am CST.
- Want tools and resources to help you stay CALM DURING COVID? Join my 5 day micro course-totally free and totally ROBUST. Receive 5 deep dive journaling prompts to help you process through uncertain times.
***“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.”
― Steve Maraboli***
I believe that you are called to be a sacred leader. A woman who is set apart for a very specific purpose and calling.
But maybe it's been awhile since you have tapped into that calling. Maybe it's been covered up and hidden away for awhile.
Getting clear on your calling, and aligning with your assignment often times requires that you let go of some things in order to step into the woman that you are becoming.
So for the next few weeks I am introducing something called Toleration Detox as part of our Spring Cleaning Series.
Tolerations are defined as: to allow to be or to be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction. To put up with.
As women we often tolerate and allow certain behaviors. We tend to make excuses, justifications and reasons as to why we can’t, or shouldn’t.
Join me in this episode as I give you permission to let go of what you are tolerating in the area of health of wellness.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
- The four reasons why women tolerate in the first place.
- Why toleration is dangerous ground.
- Get clarity on what you specifically are tolerating in the area of health and wellness and WHY.
LINKS YOU NEED:
-
Tools for the Tolerations Detox.
-
Join the 7 Secrets to Sustainable Success Challenge HERE.
-
Join Next Months's Morning Brew. The call is FREE! I don't care if you're showered, have make-up on, you're sitting in traffic (hands-free, of course!) or still in bed. This is a judgment free zone! Just stop with the excuses already and JOIN. We will be doing a deeper dive of what we are tolerating as women. We meet the first Wednesday of every month at 7am CST.
-
Want tools and resources to help you stay CALM DURING COVID? Join my 5 day micro course-totally free and totally ROBUST. Receive 5 deep dive journaling prompts to help you process through uncertain times.
***“It’s time for a spring cleaning of your thoughts, it’s time to stop to just existing it’s time to start living.”
― Steve Maraboli***
If you want more abundance, more freedom, more joy, more contribution, more fulfillment, more happiness, more levity, play, lightness you have to let go of the things that are taking up space in your life and causing you to hold on to your old limited way of being.
Many of us hold onto our history and it’s blocking our REAL power that is within. We make decisions based on our history instead of what our heart actually wants right now. We carry it with us like a ball and chain.
Too much stuff can fill us up and drain our energy. But it's not just external "stuff." Things like overcommitment, overwhelm, and spending too much time with people and things that drain us and not enough time leaning into the activities that fuel and excite us.
Listen in to this Spring Clean Your Life series to get you up and leaning into the unstoppable, extraordinary, powerful badass leader that you are. The woman that is here to leave an impact in whatever way she is called... you don't have time to be drained by things that are no longer serving you. We need you! We need your voice!
What you'll learn from this episode:
- Examine which areas of your life need a 'Spring Clean'
- Decide what success looks and feels like to you.
- Make decision as to where you want to place your time and next steps to move forward in your life.
Links mentioned in the show
Why Selfish Is the New Black Mini Course | Create your Dream Life Strategy Call | The Selfish Badass FB Community
"If you're always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you're in?" ~Anonymous
Are you someone who moves through life at breakneck speed? Are you CONSTANTLY finding that you are just too busy and consumed with everything around you? Are you dying to just slow down a little bit?
Try filling in these blanks:
I just wish I had more time to (fill in the blank).
If I wasn't so busy I would totally do (fill in the blank).
I'm so tired of (fill in the blank).
I wish I didn't have to (blank) anymore.
To help me break down HOW we actually slow down, Jessie Carr is joining me on today's episode. Jessie is a certified professional coach and founder of The Linger Movement- a lifestyle brand and community that transforms the way we experience everyday moments. Jessie teaches others to get back in the drivers seat of their own life by actually slowing down to chase awe. We discuss in this episode how she went from the golden handcuffs of having a high profile job at Google to a woman who is now obsessed in soaking up the moments around her.
What you'll learn from this episode:
- How Jessie went from living at breakneck speed to a woman who took her life back by slowing down.
- Why Jessie went from an impressive title and lifestyle to actually enjoying her life MORE by eliminating most everything.
- How you can incorporate moments of linger in your everyday.
- What a linger lifestyle really is all about.
- How to do self care in a way that works for you.
- Why many of us are terrified to make some of the changes that Jessie did to become a more calm, present woman.
- The fears Jessie had to overcome to walk away from the title, the income, the lifestyle.
- How slowing down can help you see the people in your life differently.
FEATURED ON THE SHOW
JESSIE CARR | INSTAGRAM | THE LINGER LIST
THE MORNING BREW
THE SELFISH BADASS FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
A day without laughter is a day wasted….Anonymous
Do you often go through life feeling pressurized? Maybe you feel like you’re a pressure cooker waiter to explode. Perhaps you are just one step away from losing your SH*T on anyone that asks for one more thing from you.
Whatever stress and circumstances you’re facing it’s so important to remember to add a little laughter and levity in your life
My guest today is Jacci Andersen a certified laughter leader expert and JOYOLOGIST. Yes, you read that right, a joyologist and Jacci knows the pressure of corporate life and trying to “do it all,” much too well.
Jacci’s philosophy is that laughter is imperative in life. It is a coping mechanism to relieve stress and tension-a little something we could ALL use right now.
Join Jacci and I as we why laughter is so critical and why we must find the humor and the funny in all situations.
What you’ll learn from this episode:
- Why laughter is critical in today’s world.
- How laughter can be medicinal to our bodies.
- The pivotal moment that turned everything around for Jacci to get her priorities straight and start living a life she loved.
- The way Jacci used her breath work to get through a really intense experience.
- How Jacci uses laughter to help other people’s lives.
- How Jacci used the power of choice to step into her true purpose in life-improving the world one laugh at a time.
- What actually scientifically happens in your body when you laugh.
- Jacci shares how we start to incorporate laughter, levity and joy into our everyday lives.
- The 6 step system that Jacci uses to guide her clients to good hearted living.
You can connect with Jacci on FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | WEBSITE | LINKEDIN |
Each moment describes who you are, and gives you the opportunity to decide if that's who you want to be. -iPEC Principle
Does it sometimes seem like everyone else is more confident than you? Do you often feel like people around you are a bit more sure of themselves than you are?
The truth is, more than likely they have doubts just like you do. (AHHHHH...BIG relief-it’s not just you).
So if that is true, then what’s the big secret to being more confident? Why is it that some people seem to have it and others don’t?
The answer is actually quite simple.
Confidence is something you create.It is something that comes from within. True confidence is not based on anything external. It is completely related to your attitude, energy and level of consciousness.
This pod explores:
🎧Why managing your mind is CRITICAL to your success, leadership and confidence. Change your thoughts, change your life really is where it's at.
🎧Being aware of WHERE you are placing your thoughts.
🎧Building awareness around what skills, traits and qualities you already posses that you might be overlooking and how this can be an instant confidence booster.
🎧4 simple ways to eliminate your stress-(stress is a huge confidence sucker).
For more information about Krista Resnick, visit https://kristaresnick.com/
💋Follow her on Instagram HERE
💋The FREE Selfish Badass Squad: HERE
💋Not sure where to start with Radical Self Care? Download the PDF HERE
💋Sign up the NEW Morning Brew-connection, coaching and coffee HERE
💣P.S. Are you looking to be and feel more confident, brave and powerful in your life this year? Perhaps it’s time for you to consider 1:1 coaching. I have a few slots available for new clients and would love to have a conversation with you about it HERE
Are you struggling with fear, anxiety, helplessness, and isolation during the COVID-19 outbreak?
You’re not alone.
And yet, I BELIEVE that we are being called to do life in a whole new way through this confusing time.
💣I believe we are being called to reset, reflect and re-adjust. And yet nothing about this feels easy or light. It feels like darkness in many facets.
💣Never has there been a time that I have seen where it is so evident in those who are managing their minds and those who are not.
But It doesn't matter if it’s the Coronavirus, saying no to the PTA or asking for what you need. You GET to rise up and lead.
This Bonus Pod explores:
🎤Why showing up messy is way better than perfect
🎤How powerful you actually are.
🎤Why thought work matters not only during this time of confusion but everyday.
For more information about Krista Resnick, visit https://kristaresnick.com/
💋Follow her on Instagram HERE
💋The FREE Selfish Badass Squad: HERE
💋Not sure where to start with Radical Self Care? Download the PDF HERE
💋Sign up the NEW Morning Brew-connection, coaching and coffee HERE
💣P.S. Are you looking to be and feel more confident, brave and powerful in your life this year? Perhaps it’s time for you to consider 1:1 coaching. I have a few slots available for new clients and would love to have a conversation with you about it HERE
I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, enjoy them and to dominate them. Oscar Wilde
How many times have you heard that crying is a sign of weakness?
That expressing your feelings was being "all dramatic" or immature?
Perhaps you were taught to suppress your anger, sadness or fear in attempt to prevent friends and family from judging you.
Maybe you feel like you have to put on your suck it up buttercup face everyday in an attempt to not feel rejected by the tribe at the office.
Or you just stay busy, running from one thing to the next, so you never have to slow and actually-you know, FEEL?
Yes emotions can be uncomfortable. So in an attempt to not be uncomfortable we stuff, numb, run, avoid-anything but feel those feelings!
But here's the good news...Emotions simply mean that you are human. That’s it. Nothing more nothing less.
With all the current unknowns as COVID-19 unravels itself, many people are having a variety of feelings around the craziness.
Spring Breaks have been cancelled. 401K's are being demolished. Shelves in grocery stores are empty. Restaurants are closing and panic is rising.
I created this bonus pod as a way for you to learn how to sit with every feeling that you are feeling. Not only during COVID-19, but really in any stressful, and anxiety provoking situation.
In this pod I share 3 ways that you can learn to simply sit with your emotions.
THIS POD EXPLORES:
- What emotions actually are and why you don't want to avoid feeling them.
- Why you resist feeling those feels in the first place.
- Why validating how you feel is MANDATORY if you want to live a life you love.
- How to stop wallowing in what you're feeling and choose to BE instead.
Sitting with your emotions is one of the greatest gifts you could ever treat yourself to-and hey it costs you nothing and you'll feel incredible!
Since you're on lockdown, I can't think of a better time for you to download my Why Selfish is the New Black PDF. It's free, it's robust and it will get you started on your self care journey. In this book you'll learn why self care is necessary and why you deserve to be a woman who puts herself and her self care first. You can download the PDF HERE.
If you're digging this pod, head on over and join . Your new friends are waiting for you! Totally free, and totally fun. Click right HERE to join the group.
Thanks so much for tuning in. PLEASE consider leaving me a rating and review. Here's how:
Click the "Subscribe on Apple Podcasts button below
BUTTON TO SUBSCRIBE
- Click on the blue button that reads 'view in Apple Podcasts" which will open the podcast into your personal Apple Podcasts account.
- Click Ratings& Reviews under the show title.
- Click the star rating of choices and then click the "Write a Review" button.
Do you sometimes feel like you are simply operating in life? Are you engaged in activities that you just aren’t passionate about? Do you often think about what life would be like if you could operate at your full potential? What comes up for you when you think of self care? Do you freak out and wonder how in the heck you would ever add self care to your ever growing to do list?
If this resonates with you-then you do not want to miss this episode! Jessica and I cover a lot of fascinating ground in this episode talking about how she left a prestigious title and career, what self care means to her, and how a trip to Ethiopia changed everything.
Your challenge this week is to start small with self care. Something that is easy and doable. Begin by looking at the different areas of your life and choose something that you bring you much joy. This could be going to be 30 minutes early, settling in with a good book, taking an extra long walk, listening to this podcast, cooking yourself a beautiful dinner, or even reciting your values out loud. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU!!!
What’ you’ll learn from this episode:
- Why it’s crucial to pay attention to the smallest of moments.
- The difficulty Jessica had trying to keep “all balls in the air.”
- Why the habit of self care has become so important to Jessica.
- Why Jessica stayed busy to avoid what was really going on.
- The fears Jessica had to overcome to step into her potential.
- What Jessica had to overcome to learn to really love herself and develop a healthy self image.
- What I AM ENOUGH means to Jessica.
- Jessica shares why affirmations don’t always work and what you can do instead.
- What self care really means and her favorite form of self care.
- Jessica’s advice for nurturing your social self care-AKA-”your tribe”
- Why starting small IS the answer.
You can find more about Jessica and her company 2 Smart Girls Here - 2 SMART GIRLS | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did.~ Mark Twain
If you’re successful, driven, busy woman you might be wondering some days what you’re doing it all for. If that’s you then you’re going to LOVE this episode with Bethany Clemenson. Bethany believes that everyone has gifts and talents to share with the world. She helps other's discover their gifts and get DialedIN! to who they are, their purpose, and their potential so they can live a Big Life. Bethany is a sought after speaker for groups and organizations of all sizes. She is founder of Dialed IN! podcast available on 9 platforms and has a monthly personal growth program called Big Life U. Stay connected to all the things Bethany is doing at www.bethanyclemenson.com
Join Bethany and I to discover how you too can live a BIG LIFE.
In this pod we will explore:
· How Bethany grew tired of corporate life-the disconnection she felt from her family, the disconnection she felt from her partner and her own life because she was so tired of living for everyone else. (ahem-how many of us can relate to that)
· How Bethany slowly was able to release the expectations that everyone else had for her and really how she ‘literally’ packed it all up, sold her dream home and began to live a life for herself-a life that felt good.
· The essential foundation that Bethany built on to create a life she loves.
· The Ripple Effect-How everything you do impacts someone, somewhere, somehow.
· What living a ‘BIG LIFE’ really means.
· How to take the first step toward your ‘BIG LIFE.’
· Why you need to quit the school of MSU (Making Stuff Up).
· Bethany shares 2 tools to help discover your passion.
You Can find more of Bethany at Bethanyclem.com
You can change the world by starting at home-Ryann Watkin
Friends if you are struggling with negative emotions, feelings of loneliness or trying to force yourself to be happy-understand that first of all, you are not alone. Being a mom is one of the greatest gifts and greatest challenges of all times.
Join Ryann Watkin and I as we unpack in this pod:
· Why changing the world begins at home.
· The power of choice and how it is the most important mind shift you can make to impact your life and the people you love.
· How to live life not at the cause of your circumstances, but to intentionally choose how you want to feel.
· The truth about what real happiness is.
· How to pull yourself out from ‘the pit of shit.’
· Why we want to feel our emotions and stop labeling them as good or bad/right or wrong.
· What feel it to heal it really means.
· Why finding ‘your people’ matters immensely.
Here's how you can hear more from Ryann
Ryann Watkin- Website | Instagram | Facebook
Want to know my big secrets on how to practice RADICAL self care? Grab my FREE guide-Why Selfish is the New Black-How to move from burned out to blissed out.
To connect with me further-you can follow me at ALL the places.
WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN
Exercise is a celebration of what you body can do-not a punishment for what you ate. -Susan Hyatt
Today we are talking about the common dreaded "I hate exercise" thought. So often we put, "I want to lose 10 pounds" or "workout more" on our yearly list of resolutions. And by about this time, we start to become disconnected from that goal and drag our feet when it's time to go to the gym. Then what happens? We feel like failures and guilty that once again, the weight didn't come off and we didn't stick to the plan.
But here's the thing, you don’t have to settle for boring treadmill runs. You don’t have to beat yourself up in your workouts if that’s not your style either.
You can actually fall in love with exercise.
In this pod we explore:
- How to create a 'healthy' or 'helpful' mindset around exercise that will help you crush your workouts.
- Why moving your body matters.
- How to craft out an exercise plan that you love.
- The best way to commit to your weekly workouts so you feel amazing.
Want to know my big secrets on how to practice RADICAL self care? Grab my FREE guide-Why Selfish is the New Black-How to move from burned out to blissed out.
To connect with me further-you can follow me at ALL the places.
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"Stop setting goals. Goals are pure fantasy unless you have plans to achieve them." -Stephen Covey
If your like most people, you have an overwhelming sense of excitement about the new year, new decade ahead. Many people head into the new year, all gangbusters to smash their goals and changes their lives. I've done it myself-time and time again. Year after year I would set myself up with every planner, system and tracker that you could possibly imagine. But by February, I was fresh outta gas. Maybe you can relate. And that is what in this episode I address the 5 reasons why New Years Resolutions Suck and how you can actually create goals that stick.
In this episode I explore:
- How a huge piece of self care is health care. Let’s face it, without our health, we are in BIG trouble-we’ve got nothing. When we don’t take care of our bodies, we run the risk of getting sick and not being able to do the things we want to do or are meant to do.
- The biggest mistakes people make when setting goals/intentions for the New Year.
- How to create goals that actually excite you.
- The one thing you MUST be doing along the way to achieving your goals.
Make sure you download my free PDF-Why Selfish is the New Black right here-this is your new kick ass guide on how to implement Radical Self Care. There is also a crazy awesome self care wheel that you will want to use to evaluate where you stand in the self care spectrum.
“Self care is giving the world the best of you. Not what’s left of you.” -Katie Reed
There is so much talk around self care in today’s world. But what is it really?
Self care got you feeling overwhelmed? Like it’s just one more thing to put on your calendar? If that’s you then you definitely want to listen in. Let’s eliminate the overwhelm and just start. Taking action is the best antidote to overwhelm.
This pod explores:
How to take the reigns of your life back instead of letting life run you.
Why self care is so important.
Why you need to show up for YOU
4 ways to practice self care
“Self care is not selfish. You cannot pour from an empty vessel.”- Via
Self care is something that we hear a lot about in today’s world. In our culture it’s as though we honor those who are “super busy.” It’s like the busier we are the more important we are-the more we matter. Women have bought into the idea that we must please, perfect and perform. We hustle for our worth. We struggle to celebrate our wins and we literally are walking around like empty wells, dying to be filled. Dying for some alone time, dying for some soul nourishment, dying from exhaustion.
In this week’s episode, we take a look at 6 differences between self care and selfishness. If taking time for yourself, speaking your mind, or being proud of yourself is cloaked in guilt and fear, you must have a listen.
This pod explores:
Why being selfish can actually make you happier and healthier.
What radical self care really is.
How self care is directly related to setting boundaries.
Why self care is the best way to build your confidence.
Why being selfish is your best tool in your tool box to be happy and healthy.
Why self care helps you show up as the BEST version of yourself.
“The man who does not value herself cannot value anything or anyone.” -Ann Rand
Many of us grew up buying into the idea that we are responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
As we navigate into adulthood, that often looks like NOT bringing up important topics to your spouse, overlooking offensive comments from family, allowing coworkers to walk all over you, not using your voice to share your beliefs, feeling like you can’t say no or don’t have any choices in the matter at hand or just being overwhelmed and exhausted all the damn time.
We struggle to speak up and because we don’t want to appear as selfish or like we can’t get along with others.
My friend, it is time to change this up. In this week’s introductory episode, I share a little bit about what exactly this podcast will explore and why my movement-”The Selfish Badass” matters so much in today’s world.
This pod explores:
What the Selfish Badass movement stands for and why it matters in today’s culture.
Why it’s dangerous to be running around on “empty.”
Introduction to the 6 different aspects of self care.
What you can expect from tuning in to this podcast and why you don’t want to miss one single episode.