Live From The 405 Podcast: Recent Episodes
Luke Allen, Stand Up Comic & Comedy Writer
The ramblings of Luke Allen, an increasingly unhinged Los Angeles resident who spends an unhealthy amount of time in LA traffic. These are his social observations, rants, complaints, movie reviews, and weekly life wrap ups. He is sketch comedy writer for Funny Or Die, and an amateur stand up comedian. Later 30s. From upstate NY. Angry.
The Battle Of Penora Street Creek. Fast Times At War Memorial Stadium. 3% chance! The Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix. More like WACK Forest Gummy Worms…
The Battle Of Penora Street Creek. Fast Times At War Memorial Stadium. The settlement at Roanoke ended up better than my settlement with the trucking company. 3% chance! The Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix. More like WACK Forest Gummy Worms…
Down with the sickness. Trump won the 2024 election. Halloween. I discover definitive photographic proof of life outside of Earth; “NBD,” as the kids say. Unsolved Mystery of the mysterious refugee camp(?) behind the shitty, shitty North Hollywood Golds. That movie “Find Me Guilty” with Vin Diesel, and the realization that NY DP’s suck.
I don’t care about Halloween this year, 2024. (Probably because Im old, and crabby. I like seeing slutty costumes, but Im just too lazy) “Girl” trouble. Smile 2 (“tWoOo?!”) Trump was on Rogan and Hinchliffe was at Trump, and people handled it as maturely and reasonably as you’d expect. I want credit for being DECADES ahead of “we all hate Mariah Carey Christmas music now.” Grave circumstances in Bevery Hills.
I finished The Godfather, and give my final thoughts on the fucker. (You won’t have to hear about it again. At least not for a long time. Probably.) I saw that movie “The Apprentice” about young Trump and Roy Cohn. I was lulled in by suggestions that it was “objective” and almost “sympathetic” to the man; spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I talk about the Will Haven/Strife show at the Troubador.
*Editor’s Note: The song I was referring to was “SAIL,” from AWOL Nation. Not “Air,” as I erroneously portended.
The story of my two tattoos, esp the lousy Star Wars one that I have that I’m too much of a pussy to get fixed. (For now) The story of this guy that had his amazing scenes cut from Return Of The Jedi, and how it must have impacted his life. I met the most Evan-y Evan of all time. The Ed Wood screening, with Dana Gould.
My sentence for being a self indulgent pig: hamburger hands. A slight reduction on my fatty sides! Things that are needlessly and hopelessly difficult and insanely expensive in Los Angeles: getting your concealed carry permit, rejoining Central Casting, getting your haircut. Rusty came to visit, we saw “Saturday Night.” (That SNL movie)
Escape the fate on a windshield AND a door! After a two month reprieve, the daily doom and gloom is back. A homeless guy was too good for my shoes. (AND socks) Who the FUCK is "Carmela Creeper?!" Chipotle Incompetence. SOMETHING IS STILL BITING ME, DAILY. At night I can’t sleep, I toss & turn. Saturday night Date with Blood In, Blood Out. Real World Season 2 revisit. Bruce’s show, and an accidental viewing of the god awful Roadhouse remake. I complain about Penguin and the Godfather book some more, and talk about people talking about my stupid screenplay/mini series. (It’s not stupid, it’s good, why am I defenestrating myself)
Megalopolis is quite possibly the most pretentious movie in Hollywood history. Im still watching Tulsa King, somehow. I feel like a real fraud piece of shit at the Comedy Store, and totally don’t need therapy. I’m still watching The Penguin, are you?
I guess I’ll never see Sepultura again. Tennis in Los Angeles has a few different interpretations. (I found out the hard way) I tried to take headshots but deserved a different type of “headshot.” Sympathy for McClusky. October 1 2024, everything is just going great! Definitely still a 1st world country. Last note about “1923,” I promise. (Well, at least until another fuckin season comes out…) Hot LA comedy gos, you get the inside scoop and an ear full of poop.
I moved to LA twenty years ago this week. They need to invent an “avocado blower” next, I guess. Chipotle Incompetence, and what’s up with the youth? Someone needs to reign in these paper towel companies, it’s out of control. The Penguin on HBO. The Montgomery Clift crash site. The making of Thriller documentary on Paramount Plus. I read the Godfather and complain about the book adaptation. (Coppola really is a fucking fraud, I’m sorry, film purists…)
Just to round off the “hate list,” I can’t stand Rainn Wilson either. The old guy at CVS. We had a real ripe banana crisis in this city on Monday. (As if it weren’t a banana republic as it is already, LOLLL!!!) I think I spend more time complaining about the direct flight to NC and back more than actually talking about the NC trip. And the sad part is, the flights weren’t even that troublesome. I’m wound tighter than the guy from Bloodlet’s snare drum.
I couldn’t find the picture of that Vietnamese girl from part 1, but I inadvertently sent myself on a journey of discovery into my past, and illuminated some new revelations. (One of them being “I’ve sent a LOT of dick pics in the last 15yrs”) I hate Kumal Nanjiani, but let me tell you why. I went to watch the Trump/Kamala debate live, and left dissatisfied on about 19 different levels. (Chicken tenders were involved) Trump is a bore on podcasts, and if I never hear about “the golden years of the Boston comedy scene” again, it’ll be too fuckin soon. People seem to have hated Beetlejuice 2, I held strong and instead went to see Terminator 2. Jack Black was behind me in line for it, and I have a litany of thoughts about him AND the movie. Rain globs keep falling on my car, and (also) fuck “I see what you did there” guy, a fresh scourge in the Lukester’s online life. I had a total Saturday night misfire, and I advocate for a “fats only” section of the beach. The Bureau has added “my laundromat” to their list of targets.
I wrap up Labor Day weekend, and essentially use your ears as a repository for my vitriol. (I apologize, but it’s much cheaper than therapy) Leaf blowers! Dumb people at the beach! High prices! You name it, I bitch about it! I posit the question “Am I a weirdo for ‘stretch-talking?’” (Details inside) One more note on the A Team, one more famous Rainbow bar anecdote, the infamous ET Atari game debacle (look at ME following through on promised topics!) and the annoying, mousy weirdo at my PT office.
West coast aint got no love for Zito movers?! Your brain can only remember 150 people, but it’s still weird to me when famous people don’t recognize me. Chipotle Incompetence™. I’m so disgruntled I don’t even like Entourage or The A Team anymore. Hurtin for a Burton. I sent in my Misfits pilot(?) for coverage. I went to the Vista for the first time (where there was a vistaview, vistas AND views) to see Strange Darling, a hot new indie hit. Stung by the Beekeep’ah. Last Samurai – does it hold up? Friday night on historic Sunset blvd (two of the four spots left, anyway) and a date with a Thai(?) chick(?).
Ireland, here I come. More like Montgomery almost DROVE OFF a Clift. Old and burned out. T Dog’s birthday. Wheel wet got me wheel mad. The Bureau infects Gelsons. The letter “W” (I wish I was kidding, that’s how light of material I was this week) De-aging in movies is somehow getting worse. Trump on Theo Von (why) I figured out why it’s Hardees and Carls Jr on two sides of the country.
Aside from the Bureau, I now have the nefarious family branched out into all my favorite products, systematically ruining them. They’ve now infiltrated the Doordash app, Bai flavored water, and Carl’s Jr. My review of “Raising Canes,” a new (alleged) chicken finger slinger around town. Why do bars and restaurants constantly reopen in establishments that have a proven track record of “not working previous to this?” T Dog & I saw Mark Normand in Thousand Oaks, then I drove to my boss’s downtown and saw all the beautiful folks. (Of which I am not one)
A shocking turn of events in Los Angeles, breaking news. If you want to cover “I Drive A Fast Car,” I hope you get in one and drive it into a tree. I hate the driver of a Tesla, more or less-la. Travel rage-ency. Rocha and the wretched Virzis at the Ice House, with Daryl Hammond-cheese sandwich. Corrriiinnnne’s beach birthday party, and a shotgun-shoppin Sunday.
Earthquakes! Protests! Chipotle! What a week, fam. There’s people walking around in sweaters and jackets in 95 degree heat. Ilhan Omar might be part of the Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants. I advocate for bipartisan legislation for grown adults in congress to stop referring to their grandparents as the childhood gibberish names they had for them when they were 2. (“tWoO?!”) There’s 2 astronauts stuck in space, and people somehow give less of a shit about them than they did those billionaires in that submarine. There’s a Fresh Prince reboot coming (and it’s worse than you could have possibly imagined), my own screenplay made me cry (punch me when you see me) and Hollywood once again doesn’t learn that NO ONE WANTS TO SEE CHICK ACTION MOVIES.
Warning, This week, I’m stretched for material thinner than a regular sized condom on Mr Marcus’ cock. I have a neurotic panic about a potential flesh eating bacteria in my face. A whole boatload of Chipotle Incompetence™, and more shoe drama. I met Vinnie Friday night and had too many margaritas, then paid the price for it the next day. I missed the Boogie Nights screening, but got a lot of writing done. Harrison Ford talked shit about the (probably) pile of shit new Black-tain America movie coming out. I was so desperate for content I even talk about Hawk Tuah girl. (Please forgive me, audience)
The remainder of my Buffalo trip, and a visit to my brother's compound. I went to see Deadpool 3 so that you don't have to.
You have to take out a mortgage on your house now to get a haircut in Los Angeles. I saw Apocalypse Now in 70mm, and it was quite an experience. I flew to Buffalo and did things, I'm here right now. Why does Hollywood want us to like Glen Powell so much? Beerwolf wrote one of my favorite songs.
My assessment and analysis of the attempted Trump assassination. I attempt to focus on the macro aspects of how & why this happened, but end up coming off generally incoherent and mostly rambling. Hopefully this makes some kind of sense to someone, but either way it felt good to rant about it like a low key lunatic. I really put the “anal” in analysis.
(If you dont like hearing about politics, just chilllll....til the next episode)
Harrison Ford finally decides to do a Marvel movie. (Good timing, dick head) People with money actually like my dumb movie ideas?? Longlegs review. I also went and saw Wild Bunch AND Far And Away. It’s hard for old guys to scream. (Misery Signals, Full Collapse)
Live, from the streets of LA, in my Enterprise cigarette sarcophagus! Fourth of July wrap up. (More like “ju lie about having an interesting podcast”) I’m now writing my first TV series! (God help us) Will Haven show at the Teragram, with Dude/Boges. I lament my laborious work week, but I venerate Yardhouse, followed by This Week In Chipotle Incompetence. (There’s always a ying to the yang) Longlegs speculation.
The politics of fireworks. 4th of July memories and mammaries. They saved Marilyn Monroe’s house. “Look How Cool Luke Is,” “industry connections” edition. Satan’s sprinkler system, and a guy on a bicycle on the epon..ponomoys 405. Chipotle Incompetence Round Up. Rocha’s show at the Ice House, and a whiskey tastin’ with T Dog. (Lou’s got cancer [CANCER!])
I went to a bar that was streaming the debate live, and I give my thoughts on it. I had like 7 or 8 thoughts, maybe. (Maybe more) I don't really do a political podcast, I just threw this one out as a lark. If you hate politics (dont blame you), skip this mama jamma and I'll see you at episode 455. (Also, in hell)
Passport office, attempt #2. Donald Sutherland died. July is shaping up to be a helluva month, but June Is The Month For Me. (Hourglass)
Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The Godfather on father's day. Liberals finally ruined "The Boys," because they ruin everything. Attempt #2 at a passport.
Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The Godfather on father's day. Liberals finally ruined "The Boys," because they ruin everything. Attempt #2 at a passport.
Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The Godfather on father's day. Liberals finally ruined "The Boys," because they ruin everything. Attempt #2 at a passport.
Industry mixer, and a homeless man absconds with my phone. Adaptation at the Egyptian, and Rob's play Saturday night. Some Like It Hot, and others like parking tickets. Another wonderful haircut from Floyds barbershop. (Which will most likely be bankrupt in 5 years)
De Niro: confirmed mook. "Now take me to jail." - D Trump. Tender Greens? More like Tender GROANS. Vinnie gets to write for Mike Tyson. I went to see Dick Tracy and a movie called Come And See, and I had two what Sallah from Indiana Jones would call "Bad dates."
Predator 6, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. I was one of the 11 people that saw Furiosa this weekend, and I give my thoughts on it. I went to the Comedy Store a couple times, and witnessed Vincent Falcone have one of the amazing comedy set turnarounds I've ever seen. I had my car out for 6 hours, and you would think I had just driven across the fucking Dust Bowl in 1933. Carls Jr changed its menu without consulting me first, and it turned out about as well as you'd expect.
Coppola reaches his final form: Brando. When you cast someone who's supposed to be the younger version of them in a prequel, a good idea is to cast someone who looks absolutely nothing like them. Taxi Driver 2. Colin Quinn should moderate the presidential debate. Film nerd singles meet up. (It was about as successful as you'd imagine) Someone went the wrong way on the 405 and it didn't end well for anyone, and I saw a guy going pee pee in the carpool lane. Fred "Murder" Murphy's show. (Again) The act II blues. The black chick at the laundromat. Hinge dates with a tall fuck. Bruce's band's album listening party.
Whoever changed the date of the May 11th Colin Quinn show at Largo almost inadvertantly killed me, and threw my life into utter upheavel and extreme discomfort for several days. Ruminations on Fred "Murder" Murphy's comedy show. More like Larry CARE-azewski! Francis Ford Coppola's new movie trailer hit the wires, and you'll be shocked to know it looks like another boring pile of self-indulgent shit.
A contentious relationship with Al R. Gees! LOL!! I saw The Fall Guy in "4DX," so you don't have to. A whimsical night with some of the Monster Squad. I met with the jew broad and it went absolutely nowhere.
An afternoon in Gavin Newsom's California. I want to dig a hole in my face and set fire to it, just to destroy my awful sinuses. A weekend of galivanting with Penis Powers & Rocha. The Rock knows how to "piss everyone off," LOL!!! Night court. (Maybe)
More like QUITTIN Tarantino! 28 Years Later. Civil War. (the movie) Fallout on Amazon. Alec Baldwin getting harassed. Rob's show, and Saturday night shenanigans. Still chasin Chasin!
45, still alive! I breakdown my illustruous birthday, and fabulous trip to the Ronald Reagan Library over in Simi Valley, among other celebratory activities. Blood test aftermath. The final Curb Your Enthusiasm episode was almost fascinatingly bad. Tulsa King background drama update/interesting turn of events. Interacting with a maniac on the Game Of Thrones subreddit. More screenplay research/Marilyn Monroe historical tidbits. It rained all weekend, but I tried to do things. (Including eviscerating a black widow somewhere in my bathroom)
Behind the scenes drama! The phantom horn of Sweetzer avenue. I watched a guy leafblow the grass and a pile of dirt. (I wish I was kidding) Lucky Brand jeans are wonderful, but fuck their shallow ass pockets. Why don't you leave well enough Stallone. Old Hollywood tales/research and screenwrite-y bullshit.
Fast food? More like fast FEUD. More like chicken pad DIE. Another lovely leafblower. Ants askance. More highly productive and emotionally fulfilling Los Angeles women/dates, I promise you I totally won't die alone if I stay here. Got to meet Machete! Dune Two. (Fremen? More like FROWNIN)
If I thinks it, I jinx it. Beetlejuice 2 trailer just dropped, and so did your expectations. Caf-fiend. When ISIS claimed the 2017 Las Vegas shooting, it was "mysterious." But when they claimed the Russian opera shooting this week, it was unquestionably accepted. The Chimneysweep closed. The Door Guy show at the Comedy Store, part 2. Dr Rob Banks show, Saturday. Arthur Miller is a pain in the ass, even dead. The Quiet On The Set Nickelodeon documentary.
I thought I'd said everything I had to say about the ride home last episode, but one more pleasant surprise awaited me: 65mph winds, for 30 miles! Yay! People that don't reset clocks after a time change deserve a Sisyphus-esque fate, for all eternity. (Wait til I get into dishwasher etiquette) The robber and the laundromat screamer. (That sounds like the title of a shitty 90s indie flick) Hot nights out on the town: The Rainbow, and Mr Furleys. Alien: Romulus teaser trailer, and the first 8 pages of my glorious new screenplay!
I drove 3000 miles in 6 days, Los Angeles to Montana & back, to work with/facilitate a music video shoot there. It was a challenging yet visually resplendent affair.
A Lukie complaining "perfect storm" at the DMV. Shocking news on the Chipotle front. I took a bullet; a MAGIC BULLET, LOLL!! Austin Butler in Heat 2? ("tWoOo?!") The Las Vegas shooting is the most flagrantly, sloppily, and inexplicably covered up event in United States history; "NBD!" (as the kids say) North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Mon-roe.
The little LA flourishes that make it such a delight to live here! Dubai? More like Du-BYE, to that opportunity. (Good job, dummy) Doing favors for people always ends up fucking you in the motion picture business, and I still do it. Underappreciated skill: traffic helicopter narrator guy. Eric Rocha at the West Covina Laugh Factory, and going to see "Casino" at the Aero theater.
The middle ages. The Normand conundrum. More like BOOO Detective. The politics of bush. Coalesce is back(?) The fall of Grimace. Bank Of America broke my heart.
Not Grateful for Larry's script. Shakedown at the DMV. What's the point of mall security guards? After the rain! A night at the Store, with Grimace. Thursday at the Observatory, the worst music venue in southern California
They say "the rain in Spain makes Lukie complain." Jacket fever. Dolemite Is My Name screening in Gardena, at the theater that's in the scene-a. Kickin it with Grimace. Love won and lost in LA.
A most unusual day in the city of Angels. Hot chick apocalypse. Leap year is gay. Starbucks oatmeal. Lenny Kravitz is lucky to be alive. The Door Guy show at the Comedy Store Friday night, and bittersweet reunion with thespian Scott Murphy, as we become the victims of more Los Angeles customer service ineptitude.
Complicated orange. Blueberry scamcakes. Mail-adjusted. The China(wo)man is the issue here. Another fulfulling and totally worthwhile Bumble date. The Donut King. 0 for 3 on "not weirdo/noisy neighbors" so far in 1.5 years of living here. My two cents on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelcie, I weigh in like everyone else-y. True Detective, Dark Country. (so far) Matthew Weiner head (apparently).
"The crossroads episode!" (I miss my uncle Charles, y'all) Fed Ex, bloody Fed Ex. Door Drash drama. $48 haircut. Mr Destiny as theft deterrent. New Studio A. The comedy show in Bellflower. One expensive Asian titty.
First mic (eh, dude-) of 2024 in the books, and boy it was a doosy! What an uplifting experience. Rest of the Buffalo trip wrap up, and ruminations on the guy that came up with the idea of the toilet seat disposable sheet covers.
Can you believe it...I got a cold! In Buffalo! Who saw this coming! (At least my grandpa guts have settled down) "City Services" showed up for that abused kid a couple episodes ago. The flight to JFK, New Years Eve and New Years Day. Walden Galleria Mall anxiety showdown. The Union/Integrity/Despair show, and a fully clothed escapade at a chick's house. (But I was inexplicably entertained by...wrestling??)
Merry Christmas, and hello Mystery Illness II. (Right on time!) Christmas day, travel, a few LA things. Texas Roadhouse stinks. The Tim Dillon/Rogan episode was great. (Onto Buffalo...)
Could there be a PRO-Luke rebel faction Bureau™ operating in Los Angeles?? "Hit Me Baby One More Time?" Stop bothering Shaq by letting him buy you things. The Wrestlers doc on Netflix, Leave The World Behind on Netflix, and another fulfulling and totally worthwhile Hinge date.
The locquacious Lukester is coming at ya, with a dramatic and action-packed two parter. Talk about a stocking stuffer!! LOLLL!!!!! We begin somewhat heavy with a dramatic child welfare incident outside of Gold's Gym Venice, where I desperatel wish the Punisher was real. I went to the "Roast Of LA" 'comedy' show with the mighty T Dog, and share my thoughts & observations on that. I ruminate on the politics of ATM card charges at mom & pop Los Angeles establishments. I lament the lack of portionality at Chipotle of late, and the unequitable charges for double meat. (Which now gives you the amount of meat/chicken you USED to get) Hear about the dramatic incident at LA Fitness, where a hapless fool threatened us all with a 2 ton leg press. I revisit Mission Impossible 4, Ghost Protocal, and the motion picture "K9" starring the quite tactless "not John Beushi." Finally, I recall the saga of my Sony studios FX3 adventure, starring rock star cinematographer Jacques Jouffret, and the the guy that directed "Lights Out," whuuuut!!
Rap metal was a thing once. 265...the kid's still alive! I spilled whiskey on my balls, and it burned. (Don't..let that happen to you) Mission Impossible 2; more like Dougray NOT! Netflix can't even make a documentary about fuckin Pepsi and not manage to malign Trump. I got thrown on a last minute show on Saturday; did I prevail? FIND OUT! I saw Interstellar for the first time, and have thoughts about it.
Un-Hinge'd. I don't know what's more dreadful, a bad date, or a bad band practice session. Shitbit. If you're anything more than a 3rd car going through a yellow to red light, a Dr Strange portal to hell should open underneath and suck all proceeding cars into hell. Formica. Don't get each other anything for Christmas this year, we're fucked. Gelsons really put the "deli" in "delight" for me this weekend. The John Gotti and Sylvester Stallone docs on CommieFlix. Bokes & I see biohazard for the first time in almost 30 years. Cupid's Aero.
Thanksgiving, 2023! Thanksgiving, the movie. Planes Tranes & Automobiles. (Also the movie) Worst era of fashion in LA history? Things that annoy me on dating apps: shitty dogs, and pretending you go to the farmers market on Sunday. (You dont) Another totally reasonably priced Hinge date, and hot stuff Eric Rocha doing the main room at the Comedy Store. "Bland For Peace," the Neil (not so) Young video.
Neil (not so) Young. JFK hangover. Chocolate cookie grenade. "Welcome in," and "full stop." Divine interventions, and the LA Fitness girl. Things that aggravated me on other podcasts again: Theo Von, and The Opportunist.
Episode 422, "The Harkening." I harken back to Rob telling me "everyone gets afraid, dummy." (It's Not Just You, Murray!) I have to watch out for "Drum fever." I harken back to when I said I thought The Marvels was gonna bomb, and it did. I harken back to the motion picture Lethal Weapon 2, and discover they go to my Subway in it! I harken back to this past Saturday, which was effectively Luke Allen's Day Off (minus anyone looking even remotely like Simone being around me) Unfortunately it left me with one of the worst hangovers Ive ever had. I offer my thoughts and insights to the new David Fincher flick, "The Killer."
I can't get no re-leaf. "Cinema X." Succulent Chinese Meal guy is innocent (he's innocent) The 6' jew photographer. Semi-annual "I quit comedy" existential crisis (and percussion purchase) Cam's show at the Two Roads.
Weed. Show prep. Re: Union. Toe-tal chaos. Halloween, Part I&2. South Park still fucks shit up.
It's weird that a president has never really had a drinking scandal in our entire lifetime, or even seem to appear drunk in the public view. The bar show at the (not so) Good Nite. I saw Say Anything at the Regent. It was sweet Eric's birthday Friday. Ralph's deli department should have been part of Dante's Inferno. Observations (and criticisms!) about Theo Von's & Marc Maron's recent podcasts. I saw Killers Of The Flower Moon, so that you don't have to.
Shows & shit. The Bouncing Souls extravaganza. The return of Studio A. Swing & a miss on 285. Somewhow I still find fulfillment at open mics? Wtf. "Police Drone In Use." The Creator.
I got my Harley back after 3 months...or did I? Why is it so hard to get my lunch meat cut thick/the way I want it. I'd have a better chance at alchemy than getting lunch meat cut to my specs. I saw Converge with Bokes for the first time in over 20yrs; it went about as well as everything else did this fuckin' weekend.
Wet handshakes. White knuckle weekend. Girls on dating apps think they're hilarious, but no one will tell them guys only pretend to laugh at everything they say because they want to see their butthole. (And other annoying LA dating profile attributes) A moderately revelatory week of stand up/open mic grindage. The lost Howard Stern cassette archive. (Worst Indiana Jones plot ever) This new doctor is a real backstabber.
The human blinker! Gen Z are socially maladjusted weirdos, and I'm tired of them. A most unusual Hinge date. The Dope Show/comedy show in Venice Beach, and the valley hang after. (With famous comedian ________) Stand up low point for 2023, get your shit together. (Me, I'm talking to. Well, you too, maybe. Let's all kick ourselves in the ass) El Coyote. Somene get Joe List to listen to god damn Hold Steady.
More like the Ice PICK House! LOL!! Fuck me for missing the Sparta tour. Most people are predictable, unfunny bores. Steak & a cigar Friday, like a real man. (Contrary to what my gym teacher thought of me) Open mics have been brutal lately, they feel more like a comedy study hall. More like Matt Rife-with-boring-personality. (See what I did there?) Bobby Tongs doesn't belongs. (on a podcast) Chimneysweep and lack of sleep. Someday I'll figure out what's wrong with my wretched, 98yr old man guts.
"Research," and night vision goggles that accidentally let you see into other dimensions, and shit. HBO has ads now (gtfoh), but I watched that Telemarketer documetnary and had some thoughts about it. The Opportunist pod-khaast. Titties & totalitarianism. I'd rather juggle scorpions than have to try to find a pair of size 12 sneakers in this city, and grandpa goes shopping for video games.
A chip off the ol door. Zuma Beach, 2023: Attempt #4. My show at the 4th Wall Cafe Friday night. The Flash movie stinks, but it was nice to see Keats back as Bats. Jay Leno at Flappers. The Will Haven show, and the Slayer paradox.
Wood Ranch? More like "WOULD Ranch, stay open past 9pm?" We need bullies. For heavens sake, Heavens Gate. Why do MRI machines seem like technology that hasn't progressed since 1968. Impromptu Improv. Hogan on Rogan. Metallica show at Sofi stadium. One of the worst dates I've ever been on.
Id rather have a ghost in my house than cockroaches. More things that annoy me about my stupid rental car. (I promise, I think this is the last one) The hurricane, the earthquake, and the no-hawk. Three O'Clock High, and Talk To Me. (Also, f Brie Larson) Ishtar, DC Cab, and "a potential scene from a horror movie" in the parking lot. (After watching a horror movie) Au revoir, Chicken Al Pastor. (We hardley knew ye) Student loans wackiness.
Lawdy lawdy, I hate this Audi. Nothing else mattress. Thumbs down (from afar) on the Pantera-ish show in Buffalo. Uncle Joe's card. The show Friday night, at Comedy Blvd. Ashoka trailer for Disney Plus. Road Dog & I went to see Falling Down at the (shittier) Aero.
Emasculation through transportation. Pantera is playing in Buffalo as I record this, and I'm missing it. I hope I can get my mind right. The Chimneysweep jukebox is ruining my life. (And their profit margins) Chocolate Rain. Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
Comedy Blvd Show, Take 2, Aug 11. Things are looking up after "Why, God, Why July," but someone had ONE last surprise in store for the Lukester! Au revoir, Pee Wee. August will be a damn good movie month. Biden's bag-flation(?) One less prick to deal with at the dentist's office, and a trip to the emergency room with my friend Jimmy. The Fighter gets better every time I (and hopefully, you) watch it.
Strawberry Bobo's update. Harley update. Rushing or dragging at the mics. The Sound Of Freedom, and The Feeling Of Obligation. 2nd job at Amazon, if they'd stop jerking me around. I wish "being forced to watch CNN" would have been the worst thing that happened to me at the gym Saturday. 0 for goddamn fucking 3 on "the beach."
Still no word on my Harley (well over a week later) I got 99 problems and a beach is one. Star struck at Golds. Carls Jr from hell. Bruce's band on Thursday, and the annoying fucking DJ. Mission Impossible 7 review. Vinnie's show at my old stomping ground, which ain't what it used to be. (LA ruins absolutely everything)
Help me fill my 2 person quota for my "bringer show" Friday night. The wheels on the bus go pound and pound (on my face, and upper body). Bad influences got me to hate Pink Floyd, and Frank Pietrantoni. (sp) Roommate update. Ian Fidance is an old school hardcore kid, and the time I got on Sick Of It All's tour bus, and crushed! Asians can't even ride e-bikes without crashing. Adventures with/near Ed Harris.
Eskimo brothers with Steven Spielberg. More totally reliable and relatable women in Los Angeles, dating here is just wonderful. A reflection on one year as a Sherman Oaks resident, and a fond farewell to my first roommate. Stand up round up, and a sort of review of Funny People. (Apatow flick from 2009) Rocha's show at the gay bar, and a 4th of July run down. Arnold still pulls chicks.
I saw the new Indiana Jones movie, after swearing I wouldn't. I really wasn't prepared for how ridiculously embarrassingly unexpectedly emotional it was gonna make me. I have a lot of time to kill today on a Sunday/stuck at work, so I figured I'd make this a one-off instead of making it part of Ep 402, because I knew this dumb subject was long enough to be an episode in and of itself.
I probably should have waited til I saw it a second time or given it a few days to digest, but...fuck it. There's spoilers in it, so if you want to wait til after you've seen Dial Of Destiny or don't plan on seeing it/don't give a shit either way, it'll be here.
A Bumble miracle. I finally approached a woman in the gym after 20 years of working out in public. I helped T Dog move (again) this weekend, and realized Im gettin fuckin old. I rage-fucked the drug dealer after a long day Sunday, and I had a show at THC Friday. I elaborate further on these seemingly rather narrow topics, and it's funny here & there. There's only one way to find out.
The Ass Menagerie. Venting about the vents. The Arnold doc on Netflix. Indiana Jones 4? Micerz. (The movie) Mel's didn't cut my toast in half. Red light tickets. Fuck Kliph Nesteroff. (Mostly)
"The analogy episode!" Listener alert - it's Fathers Day on Sunday, don't fuck up like I did. One more note about Bokes' drowning pool. The Joe List show at the Improv. "Goonies II," and the confounding nature of early NES games. Quarterly comedy existential crisis: The Rec Room and Bakersfield shows. The New Guy at MDR film festival recounting. A Bumble date with Giselda Blanco. (basically)
Not so urgent care. A day of comedy/cultural Marxist indoctrination in Los Angeles. How did Cowboys & Aliens flop so spectacularly, and why is there a ginger in the Mexican gang from Colors? Car compliments, and the Bureau takes my Kroger French salad dressing. That poor 18yr old bastard who drowned (or got eaten by sharks) in the Caribbean. (I probably spelled that wrong, but Im not checking)
Remember when you used to just "catch a cold," but since COVID you basically get "a touch of Ebola" every time you get sick now? (Im sick again) Steven Segal stories. Dice on Joe Rogan. Notes & observations on random things I watched: Kill Squad, Knocked Up, Chef, Colors, and a show about monsters by way of HBO. (Or HBO Max. Or Max. "Or whatevadaFUC.")
Lauren Bobert needs to make her congressional seat "my face." Tina Turner died. Michael Knowles stole my bit. Dave Attell at the Improv. Another night of valley bars with bad music choices. A Hinge date with a fat black in downtown LA. Sisu, that new movie.
Getting bit by the bit. You say "tomato," I say "politically obsessed reviewers." A pleasant encounter in Los Angeles morning traffic. A mega weekend of doing stand up, and the...results. (I probably shouldn't own a gun...)
Inflation. The Arnold doc. A game of "ketchup" from last episode. Harvest. More like Mexi-CANT. I saw "Somewhere In Queens" so that you dont have to.
Self Discipline intervention this weekend, and on air therapy session. (Sorry) Guy Ritchie's The Covenant. Some shitty new show from BJ Novak.
"I don't know you well enough to meet you out for a drink," a new LA dating scourge. Jukebox zeroes, and karoke assholes. Hangover roullette and a Kurt Schlicter book signing/GOP event. Shitty steaks - a new Los Angeles restaurant scourge. Traffic events. Metallica tickets.
The Bureau acts against my Bobos. Everything Is Ruined - Hollywood movie sets edition. Friendly LA citizen encounters. A date with Oswald Cobblepot. Birthday shenanigans, and a birthday weekend in Las Vegas
One more note about two 389 stories (and some developments) Birthday plans for the big 44. More like Casa FAG-a. My friends' show at the Improv, my show at the Hollywood Comedy.
Comedy, April. Pantera™. Rogue car horn. Golds gets rid of their outdoor canvass and I'm here to tell you about it. The Der Vas Engel goes to work on my teeth. "Air," that new Ben Affleck movie. The "End Racism Tour" comedy show
I went to Florida for my shista's wedding. I drove 500 miles round trip from West Palm to Key West to give Nick DiPaolo a pilot I wrote for him. (Almost sounds romantic) Crunch Florida complaints/tribulations. The actual wedding. I watched Dark Knight and that Waco doc on Netflix and have thoughts on both. The flight home, and things of that nature.
Fat motorcycle cop. I got to hold a screenwriting Oscar, hopefully not for the last time. (LOL!!!!) Kale makes me ail. The Last Of Us had about 12 zombies total across 8 episodes; what they were actually afraid of were "heterosexual white couples." More like Perry GAY-son. Commissioner Gordon from that last Batman movie is worse than a video game character. This weekend I settled all family business, women-wise. But also..."pussy." The idea of and appreciation for pussy. (sorry)
"One person away," a rather pointless historical rumination to start the show, from a professional podcaster. Go fork yourself. I went to the dentist, you know the drill. Shitty cowboy hats on LA chicks. A shaky show Weds, and a lousy mic last night. (And the implications of such) Date 1 and Date 2. Moon landing conspiracy crisis.
Got thrown on a show Saturday night? How did it go? There's only one way to find out! (unfortunately) Rob jumps on a grenade for me. Sunday at Barneys, and The Steak Knife Challenge™. The Sopranos (surviving cast) are decrepit. Creed III review. My Tom Sizemore saga.
I swear I didn't mean to swear. Go watch The New Guy! r/Shorts. I've had Carls Jr 5-6x in the last 2 weeks. "Do Or Die," apparently NOT starring Erik Estrada. Breaking The Fourth Wall documentary. So long Jew Broad, and noncommittal LA people. (Mostly women.) (Sorry, it's the truf.)
Fellow comic Vinnie Falcone joins the pogrom this week, because I just didn't have enough to fill a damn episode. (He's a good hang, funny bastard. Give it a shot) We get into screenwriting, watching your friends bomb, late night fast food, and the shock of seeing porn stars in public, among other things. I love you.
Mr Sick! Golf Lundgren. Pantera: "for the brothers, for the fans." Things you don't see anymore. No relief from the leaf-blower. I went to a really famous person's house. Luke's Entertainment Round Up™ - Megan, Banshees Of Inshirin, Picard, The Menu, this week's Last Of Us (quick) and the totally original Flash trailer.
I dont have the self discipline for chocolate chip muffins. Ol shaky hands at Floyds. Good head of hair, and the curse of mediocre ("ahh...") Mexican restaurants in Los Angeles. Mic talk, plus a show I got thrown on Saturday night. The Last Of Us. (Certainly not "The Thinnest Of Us")
More horror stories from the men's locker room at the gym. A real pain in the neck. Revenge on "guy that leaves 1-2 invisible cars between him and the fellow in front of him for no reason in 5mph traffic." The show this Friday past, and all the trials/tribulations involved in such. "Where's the 40mm?"
New Bureau Division: Leaf Blower Brigade. Im cold. Deadguy? More like NICEguy(s)! I saw Johnny Depp, then I went to watch Giant, and spend probably way too much time ruminating and analyzing a movie from 1956. Stand up as therapy? (That's when you know you're in bad shape...)
The ol "east coast blues"/readjustment period. Starbucks chocolate chip cookies are a pale imitation of their former glory. The most expensive mag ever flashed? A long week of sickness and nonsense, and a THC overdose for good measure. Paramount Plus has been managing to generally entertain the shit out of me. Why is Pedialyte so hard to fucking open?
"Songs that tell a story." Down with the sickness. Florida to Buffalo, Buffalo to NYC & back.
The Pancake House, and why won't "Latin X" people ever give me ketchup at the drive thru? Florida, Christmas, and beyond. Jack Ryan season 3 stinks. Heat 2 ("tWoOo?!") was an interesting read.
The least merry Christmas in at least 100 years of peacetime America? A blessed day of travel from Los Angeles to Florida. Ferris Bueller's Day Off, from hell: Ihop, The Fablemans, the book store. The female form. Everything Is Ruined: Towels, and cans of Coke on ice.
Not-Even-Slightly-"Urgent" Care. Editing. Stand up; a hero rises. F Avatar 2. (I didn't see it, but F it on principle) Everything, Everywhere, All At Once. (See it No Time, Anywhere, For Any Reason) Vitamin Shopppee low stock. Supercuts? More like SuperSLUTS! "Santa Baby" stinks as a Christmas song.
Baby, It's Fuckin Cold Outside. The Culver City Police Department is a helluva place. People that fucked me this week: Ralph's deli slicer guy, and guy at Carl's Jr drive through. The "self important A" accent. Cave In show. Dimebag, and the Berenstein Bears paradox.
He really puts the "no" in D'Onofrio. I'm the fat chick that drove Rob & Mitch to the bar. Shoot, day 6 of 6. (Jesus) The "American Boy" Scorsese documentary. Don't be "person that leaves an invisible car length" in front of you for no reason in traffic. Don't. Drones. This wretched Indiana Jones 5 trailer, and all it portends. More like Axl BLOWS.
There has been this many people sick on Thanksgiving since the original Thanksgiving. (Scalloped potatoes?) Seeing The Getaway at New Beverly Cinema, and all the complaints observations that come with it. The Paul Newman/Jo Woodward doc on HBO, and obnoxious Hollywood people. The culmination of a month long mini-bender, and...the Jew Broad. (Gasp!) "Wednesday" on Netflix. Stand up? Slow down!
It's Thanksgiving, omgggg. (I didn't end up going back east) Rent-a-coffin? Cognitive Dissidents show. Student debt forgiveness. Bitch really put the "mean" in "Armenian."
Gay-bors. More like Chipot-LAME. Pretty sure my screenplay for Mark Normand ended up in a trash heap somewhere in Brea, CA. I had a show at the Ha Ha. (The mention was lost last episode) I had TWO madam callers this week! The JFK Revisited doc. (Highly recommend, if you like that shit. Even if you hate Oliver Stone)
For the 2nd time this year, one of the tracks on the Zoom just had nothing on it. There was a track there, but all the audio had disappeared and I lost 30 minutes of show. If it happens again, I'll have to buy a new unit. Sorry about the abridged show. (It was supposed to be right after the "Cops" lyrics part)
Halloween-less. Im almost jealous of bald people that don't have to get their haircut. T Shirts? More like t-HURTS. The Alex Stein spitter. Fourth Wall Cafe show...HOW DID IT GO?? (They call that "a teaser" in the biz) Vinnie's show, and broads with more ego than funny bones.
Mic report. "Kanye." Coming Out Of The Closet - A Halloween Tale. New neighbors! Useless cops! DSLR? More like TCDW (this camera dont work) The New Guy: Day 3 (more like GAY 3)
"Stand up for yourself," lol!!!! X-T4 galore. Package snatch. Keira Sedgwick is a mole factory. Throat procedure #2, Electric Boogaloo. "Things I Saw On The Road This Week." Fat Burger's garbage can is more like a garbage CAN'T. More like WORST Buy.
Flying is quite trying. Andor talk. A wild Saturday night, which ended in "No Pussyville." (again) Faux-tography. The GOAT prepares for the throat. I got 99 problems, and a witch is one.
Un-re-MARK-able results on my script so far. Day 2 of shooting, and finding out directing and shooting is...harder than I thought it would be. Will you watch "Rust," or Avatar 2? Or Black Panther 2? I saw that movie "Smile," and I talk about it.
Porn photographers are/were under appreciated. "Just when I thought I was OUT, they pull me back in." (Stand up) "Just when I thought I was OUT, they pull me back in." (Filmmaking) Barbarian. (The movie) I finally got my script into the hands of Mark Normand, after seeing his resplendent performance at the Brea Improv.
My psychotic neighbor is gone. Another shitty metal shirt. I can't believe who's shooting that Dahmer thing! Fuck Chipotle napkin wasters. Hotwire? More like NOTwire. BOA is AOK. Sam Morril on Rogan is a class act. Sammy The Bull threw his grandmother down the stairs? Working on set & dealing with COVID magic. Crazy Heart. Fletch? More like WRETCH. Joe List, live in concert.
"Your mom" jokes. Stickin around. Working on sets again. Low budget shoot Saturday, straight to the goddamn Sick Of It All show after. A brief history of skinheads. I need a Fatburger intervention. The Woodstock 99 documentary on Netflix. The fat cop and the Falling Down 711 clerk.
Some would use the word "hero." The bleeps, the sweeps, and the creeps. I cant stand Louie CK anymore, sorry. The most intense shoulder workout in all of Los Angeles on 9/2/22. I profit from your lack of preparation. Helping out He Man. Dog Day Afternoon screening, with Al Pacino there. (And a lot of pretentious asshole faces) Labor day, but the real labor was "making a decision about what to do that day." F*g.
3rd cold of 2022! (I have the white blood cell count of Pedro from World World Season III) My comedy career resembles Dresden German in 1946, of late. I have the best group texts around. A rowdy Friday night with @comicrobbanks. Joe Biden doesn't know how to handle a laugh, even the rare ones he gets. (At least there's something I can relate to the man) I put the "stud" in "student loans." Netflix can't stop glorifying (and probably encouraging) serial killers. More like "House Of The DRAGGIN." My mind is going, Dave. Tesla's are the new "pick up trucks." (As far as traffic assholes go)
What a weekend, fam. I really tore it up. It all begins with going to see the almighty Norma Jean downtown at the Regent Theater, where the shit head 20 something door guy snatched my bottle of tequila. (That's never happened) That lead into a lousy trip to the Encino IHOP, and "cigar Saturday night," where Mitchell and I wound up at an apartment with a couple of valley girls at 2am. This all tops off with a wholly misbegotten attempt at providing a quality birthday party for T Dog, my old roommate/landlord.
The big talk-down. What the heche! Another awesome date, with a gal that will be around forever and ever and ever. Old cars and old things and Danny Trejo's kid. Nikes and damaged psyches. A day as a PA.
The "dear diary" episode(?) Lying to my dentist. Lost my favorite shirt. Coke goes with a hamburger, not Pepsi. Windshield wiper fluid. A rather pointless story about Little Tokyo. My apartment sounds like there's a professional wrestling match going on next door & upstairs, all hours of the day and night. Giancarlo Esposito stinks. More like "Meh Streets." Phenibut is a PAIN in the but. (It turns out) A death in Monrovia.
Last week's show needed more killer, less filler. (I realize now) Enjoy It While It Lasts: Chipotle free water cups. (And napkins) The old neighborhood, and the absolute nightmare of trying to get a haircut in Los Angeles in The Boring 20s.
*I cut, and the 40 minute long 2nd track I did after had some kind of corruption in the file, and I lost half/45 mins of the goddamn fucking show. I haven't been this angry since McDonalds got rid of HiC Orange. This stinks, and I have no children or small animals to beat. I'm sorry.
Last week's show needed more killer, less filler. (I realize now) Enjoy It While It Lasts: Chipotle free water cups. (And napkins) The old neighborhood, and the absolute nightmare of trying to get a haircut in Los Angeles in The Boring 20s.
*I cut, and the 40 minute long 2nd track I did after had some kind of corruption in the file, and I lost half/45 mins of the goddamn fucking show. I haven't been this angry since McDonalds got rid of HiC Orange. This stinks, and I have no children or small animals to beat. I'm sorry.
The first and probably last episode from Studio B(A). The Buerau and the red lights. Helmet in the bush. Love me tender(s). Plastic silverware & CA laws that do nothing but aggravate people. Heat 2, what say you? Mob movie actors are dying by the dozens. I saw "Nope" so you don't have to. Open mics & the show I did with the Virzis in Simi Valley. "HOW'D I DO??" You'll have to listen.
1st AC college. (I'll be rich!) The dishes are just wishes, and "the curse of caring." Chandler, I cant even handler. Motorcycles, dick jokes, and salads. "Fourth Of July" movie review/complain. The Boys Season 3 finale. My show at the Ha Ha.
The new joint. Sleep paralysis. A guy got stabbed in the neck, I say what the heck. Bad food Tuesday. More like NOT Water Music.
MY COLD FINALLY WENT AWAY. Au revoir, Canyon Country. Bad trip to Arbys. James Caan died. 4th of July, and the penalty I paid on the 5th of July.
Apparently I'm going to have this cold for the rest of my life. Sherman blokes. Rocha's cold open & other stand up ruminations. Roe vs Wade is gay.
Id like to give you a hand, right 'acrosst' your face. I still have a fucking cold, and went to a weird old white guy doctor who wanted to touch my weenis. (I think) The girly from Mr. Furley. Bed bugs, because I don't have enough problems.
Still sick. House-keeping. The Virzis were on Adam Carolla, whuuut! Why did I watch Ghostbusters Afterlife? F Disney Plus. Phillip Baker Hall died. Why is Ryan Gosling playing "Ken" in a live action Barbie movie? Everything is a scam, and the FlightsMojo fiasco. The "business mixer" with Vinnie.
He is risen! (Im still sick) Ray Liotta. Breakin up is hard to jew. Falling apart-ment. The Offer? You can't refuse! (booo) Top Gun II. Saturday Night Neither.
I have a horrific cold that made landfall on Sunday and has gotten progressively worse. Horrific nasal drip and dry/sore throat. I can't talk more than a minute without coughing or choking. (To some people's utter delight) Tried doing an episode last night but I couldn't even get 5 minutes, it's just atrocious and an audio nightmare. (Even more so than usual)
Sorry fam, be back next week. (I think Ive only had to do this one other time)
The 575 kid. Dr Strange 2 part two, and the most ridiculously overpriced drinks Ive ever had. Sy Snootles at Chipotle. Canters stinks. Apartment shopping blows.
Spotter app. The meritocracy of stand up comedy. Growth spurt? The horn. The Ghostbusters Direct TV ads with the baseball guys are terrible. Ambulance. (The movie) Danny Trejo jr. Three Mile Island.
More throat business. I dont know shit about my bike, and I certainly don't want to hear about yours. (Or how your wife made you get rid of it) Vitamin Shopppppe recognition! Positive restaurant reviews/experiences, whuuut!! Fuck paper straws. You have a better chance of getting a rapper to show up for a concert on time than you getting a fucking haircut at a corporate chain anymore. Suit woes, and mall anxiety. (FFS...) Unberable Weight Of Massive Talent review/walk out. Poor Sammy The Bull.
Stand up comedy. Angelo Rossito. Goodbye (apparently) Waner Ranch. 3 chicken tenders. Golds gets worse. Outer Range. The Northman. Girl trouble (feel bad for me son)
Caf-fiend. Laughing inappropriately, and uncontrollably. A two-wheeled tour through Carmeggedon™. Moving Road Dog, and my birthday day.
Fatburger. Rest in peace, Studio B. The Harley Affair conclusion, 2022. "Heist" on Netflix, and Buffalo ee-accents. More like BLAND-IE Newton. Inconsiderate people oughta shampoo my crotch.
One to Grohl on. Ago-knee. Walk back on Hot Water. Customer service complaints. BANG! stock takes a dip. More Harley drama. Comedy show in Hollywood, and stand up-y things.
Last dance with Panda Express. (Probably) The bullfrog. One of two companies passed on my script so far. (Gay) Amazon's customer service is exemplary, while IHop rips us off. A trip to Santa Clarita Harley. The bitch slap. Taylor Hawkins died. I got thrown out of the Clutch and EyeHateGod show.
Stop "washing" my car. More things that I like disappearing. (Bureau?) Close call. Script nibbles! My birthday might be a "reel" good time! LOLLL!! (booo) Fitz's St Patty's Day show. My 2nd show of '22, and how that went. (ugh)
The Ha Ha show on Sunday. Knife in the road. Laughs on epitaphs, and what happens to your money if you're dead and EMT's find you. Obi wan trailer. Gettin fit with Fitz. The wokest mic I've ever been to. Comics down with OPP. (Other Peoples Posts)
No fun or ribald humor allowed on big tech. More like Truth BLOW-cial. Guy with a real CHiP on his shoulder. The big rub-out. Rocha's show at the Roosevelt. The Batman. Mr. Saturday Night. Script schemes.
GI Joe guys. (And gals) JFK, the Oliver Stone movie. (And the, y'know...assassination) Everything Is Ruined™ - Gold's Gym. More like Truth BLOW-cial. I really put the "Cant" in Canters. The Tinder Swindler, Downfall/The Case Against Boeing, Hollywood scumbags.
Hang on, I missed a few more awful things that happened to me in Bozeman last episode. "Reacher?" More like "reach-er-aound and grab the remote and watch something else." (it was long, but I went for it) I was depressed this weekend, but still managed to retain fleeting glimpses of hope and positivity. Stand up frustrations & revelations, and day drinking (more like GAY drinking) with Eric Rocha, a Mexican lad.
Hot tub time machine. The Boba Fett finale. (Christ...) More politics of door holding. Fuck 7am leaf blowers. A series of unfortunate events in Montana.
The N word. The Boba-lorian, a new series from Disney Plus. Jack Reacher. The President's phone, and how Spielberg grocery shops. Noob comics burning good topics. I don't know how much more of this liberal hellscape I can bear. (Los Angeles)
At what point is tipping on a hook up past the point of reason? What is a resonable amount of time to hold a door for someone, befre you look like a bitch? I can't drive & text anymore, I'm too old. "The Speakeasy," Studio City. Spaceballs. Harper. Everything Is Ruined™ - In The Heat Of The Night. Roachie's show, and stand up revelations. Got my Clutch & Eyehatgod tix, woooo
At what point is tipping on a hook up past the point of reason? What is a resonable amount of time to hold a door for someone, befre you look like a bitch? I can't drive & text anymore, I'm too old. "The Speakeasy," Studio City. Spaceballs. Harper. Everything Is Ruined™ - In The Heat Of The Night. Roachie's show, and stand up revelations. Got my Clutch & Eyehatgod tix, woooo
Fuck the light at my exit, and whoever designed my Harley gas tank. Lens loss fright. Heat 2 ("tWoOo?!") I quit the new Boba Fett series, it is hot garbage. (I tried) Waiting For Impact. (I'd rather be "impacted" by a pick axe) I don't like guns. Wreck at the Rec Room. Smaller UFC fighters are better. Shut up, chicks that used to fuck Hugh Hefner.
I'm negative! (Attitude AND COVID!) Safety net's are nice. More like BOO's-days With Stories. I like Daredevil's costume. Death scenes in 70s movies dragged on for days. Clean your eyeglasses, and stop putting so much dressing on your salad. 99 problems, but a pitch ain't one. Stand up again. Every Time I Die broke up.
STILL positive, damn it. Good Friends, And A Bottle Of Pills. Peter Bogdanovich. 70s movies, and Bring Me The Head Of Osama Bin Laden. (Sorry for the short episode, I felt like shit and haven't done anything in a week)
Boba Fett's helmet shouldn't be off, like ever. (Unless he's at home, or eating at Arby's) Florida wrap up and the flight home. New Years Eve, not New Years STEVE. I got COVID and it has not been pleasant.
Merry(ish) Christmas from Florida. Fitzy at the Improv. "Nobody knows how to make movies anymore," and the politics of script writing.
The flight to Florida was just PLANE CRAZY, LOLLL!!!! Hinge fringe. Gas caps and near misses. Spider Man 3, round 2. William Russ fuss. No forks for Furleys. Merry Christmas, lovers!
I've almost fallen asleep in traffic two days in a row. (Keep your fingers crossed!) My can of iced tea lasted me a year, and I was real impressed. Re-watching Mandalorian season 2, and complaining about the Star Wars "special" editions. West Coast Dunkin Donuts are the "Gallagher's brother" of donut chains, also, "because COVID." Everything Is Terrible - Bold Fashioned, from Yardhouse is gone. Friday night at Rainbow Room. The Deadguy & Cave In show (finally)
"Cavorting," and spending too much Christmas money, and being a generally all-around irresponsible bumba-clod. (For my Jamaican listeners) The needle neck doctor. Squid Game. Everything Is Ruined™ - Resident Evil reboot. Mark Normand doesn't give a shit that I wrote a movie for him, which isn't fun. (But don't count me out yet, motherfucks!)
Script-ure. Thanksgiving. LA chicks. More like Paul Thomas BLAND-erson. (Licorice Pizza stinks) Nigerless Cage. Stop dying, everyone.
RIP Davittts. "Great workplace bullshit sessions." Casa Vegas vs Buffalo Wild Wings. Everything Is Ruined™: Jerry Garcia biopic, starring..Jonah Hill. Finished my script, no thanks to the Asians in the park. The rheumatologist has no answers either, and the Mystery Illness remains a mystery. Happy thanksgiving, busters.
Get the sounds of video games right in movies, for Christ's sake. "Just the vax, ma'am." George Lucas in general, and the trailer for Boba Fett. (You're probably "fett" up from hearing about it) Stand up shit, and show this Fri 11/19. Want to give me a real Christmas present? Stop getting me fucking Christmas presents.
Here's something new - I complain about the weather! Steven King movies were "Netflix" movies before Netflix movies came/were terrible. Crazy guy & gal motorcycle couple duo people dummies. (Why do I care about this?) At the gates of act III, and my dumb ideas/grand illusions. I had a fun weekend, I hope you did. Leave me alone, I don't know.
The poor bastard in "Guilty," from Netflix. (Adrian Martinez is that dude's name) Capricorn One. Fuck the Dune poster, too. Insomnia. Me vs the MRI machine. Page 70! 225 almost ended me.
More like the Loch LESS monster. Laid. The Alec Baldwin shooting. Dune review. Everything Is Ruined™: Kabuki sushi.
Cabal, 315. "Face" the music, lol. (sorry) Everything Is Ruined: Amvets, the Shell station windshield wipe station. The Bureau In Downtown Los Angeles That Has An Office Solely Dedicated To Making My Life A Living Hell strikes again. (Yardhouse) The Licorice Pizza trailer, and The Batman trailer, and Robert Pattinson. Adventures in screenwriting.
Halloween, 2021. Let's do it. Quarantine 2. How many people have you worked with? (Non point #1 of the show, sadly not the last) Air Jesus (a mock Jesus). LA mosquitoes suck. (No pun intended) Sexual harassment training at work. (Sensible, and pragmatic) Gym whores. Tuesdays With (less) Stories (and more ads). Mariah Carey is still torturing me with her awful Christmas bullshit, 30 years later. A trip down to olllll San Dieyg. No Time To Die. (Hello, Malaysia!)
Fuck Christmas presents, and presents in general. "True crime" and serial killer podcasts suck too. Fuck Hinge. I hate "random school days." Put a proper passenger seat on that crotch rocket, before the bitch falls off. Stop making weird noises in the gym showers, you fucking weirdos. I'm the guy that DOESN'T ask you about your broken arm. My lengthy review of The Many Saints Of Newark. (Im miserable this episode, I'm so sorry)
Traded in my Deadguy for a Harley, even though I'll probably end up a "dead guy" ON it, ironically enough. Sweet Southern Heat BBQ chips. Bikes & open mics. I sleep above my covers. (Four FEET above my covers...) Enough with the Gabby Petito lurid-ness, and murder porn on Netflix. Cheesecake Factory? More like PLEASE TAKE factory. (I tried)
Anal Cunt. Celebrities, stop "battling diseases in silence," and then abruptly dying. Hootie's ex gf. Vax attax. The Card Counter movie. Trailer. Last Of The Mohicans. Fight me, guy who wouldn't let me in on Lincoln blvd. Incoming strike, and 'set life.' Soreness, and shwarma. Roger's birthday party. The newest "Cocaine Cowboys" installment on Netflix. Quandry about my dumb screenplay.
Camoflauge shorts. Do you think Metallica "sold out" with the black album? JC Penny's gives me a panic attack, and no more Chipotle on the weekends. (I guess) The beach, and the George Lucas book. IHop blueberry pancakes. CT Scan adventure. Favors. Hanging out with other comics.
A Nightmare On Albury St. If I was an MTV VJ, I'd be "Car-sick Daily" (booo) Horse de-wormer. Lawrence Elder. Gene Simmons and David Lee Roth. Adventures In 'Mask.' A guy shamelessly took a whiz on the side of the 405. Spider Man 3 trailer. Not-So-Easy Rider.
Carolla, quick. Adam's apple orchard. Window tint in Los Angeles. More motorcycle repair adventures. If I like pina coladas. More like digital PUKEbox. The Nirvana baby. I was "left" behind by(e) her.
"A little bit about ME, you guys, a little bit about me..." What if The Comedy Store closes? That time with Pameler Anderson. Papers, please. Wait in line until called upon. Production trucks. THX 1138.
"When you get old, your heart dies." Fell In Hate: "Rosanna," from Toto, famously bad 80s videos, and the Steve Perry knock off. The day I tried to murder my guts. Death Row Records (of last meals) A night out on the town, with my commie. "Terminating" (get it?) my fanship for Arnold.
Pamela Anderson, July 1992 Playboy cover. Don't be the guy/gal that "repeats facts about something." Don't. I profit from your incompetence. Hypnogagic/auditory hallucinations. (Yay!) Another wonderful Plenty Of Fish date! I LOVE Los Angeles women!
Cave In AND Deadguy...in LA. Jesus Christ. Stop it. "It's over." Last leg of the Buffalo trip and the 50% shitty but otherwise amazing flights back, and the best Urgent Care in the country? (THEY HAD A FUCKING SLUSHIE MACHINE) Drowning in an ocean of other people's incompetence. 99 problems, but a (you know the rest)
State of the vacation address, embedded in Buffalo. Travel things. Another screenplay I hopefully don't bail on. Over The Top.
Calling out sick this week, fam. Sorry. Horrendous cold/upper respiratory bullshit. :(
I'll be back next week, with plenty to complain about.
Backpack attack, and the death of customer service. West Coast Dunkin Donuts are a pale imitation of their east coast brethren. Drowning Man is getting back together, just to fuck with me. 275, the kid's alive! Jay Leno at Flappers. First comedy show since Black Sunday™. 4th Of July, and No Sudden Move. (The new Soderbergh movie)
Comic books? Maybe? "9am" is a good time to wash the lobby floor of a large business or establishment in Los Angeles. Forcing your employees to wear a mask outside in 115 degree heat. This week in the comedy trenches. Why are lesbians such bad dressers. Im glad I got to work at/around movie studios when things were still fun, and rad.
The ubiquity of hackers. Back in the trenches. (I think) Self car washes in LA are a special kind of hell. Vladmir Putin is more honest than our own goddamn media. Post pandemic rage.
The hill that I never talk about. A trip to De-mask-us. (boooo) When John Goodman goes bad,man. Angel Heart review, 34 years later. Once bitten, twice angry. There wasnt any black members of The Police. Snarfing your coffee.
Logistical issues! (It wasnt my fault!) You gotta be KITT'n me! Blur owes me some money. There were less skanky black chick rappers in the 90s. I wont get laid, because I dont like talking to chicks on the phone. Cole's party had more at stake than meets the eye. Im still strug-a-leeng on stage. (I hate this episode)
I wanted to be with you alone; and talk about the weather. The fatty was too batty. Mourning dove. Metal band name fonts. A Quiet Place II. "Evil Dead 4." Black chicks in 90s hip hop videos. The Jacker Hacker. State Of The Stand Up Address, 2021. Memorial Day Weekend.
Production trucks and giving no fucks. Dave Ellefson gets canceled over dick pics. Deadguy reunion show is happening. The bums mocking my sneeze in Venice. Went on a date with a fat chick and she ate/drank a lot, but it's' ok, because she paid for it all. The Obi Wan trailer.
State of the 405 address. East Coast rental houses. Fleetwood Mac, late to the party. Chris Toll. Chris Conley gets MeToo'd. Tony Hinchcliffe non-troversy. Season 2 of Haunted on Netflix is less good, but tits.
The curse of 275. A stroll home from the new Santa Clarita Harley Davidson. WeHo Barneys plot twist. Ruined mother's day, because of other's delay. The Bureau That Has An Office In Downtown LA Solely Committed To Making My Life A Living Hell strikes again. The Wrath Of Man, man.
Medical professionals in Los Angeles care about you about as much restaurant servers. Mask assery, and iHop vs Barneys. (A tale of two restaurants) Without Remorse (there was lots of remorse) and a Sasquatch documentary on Hulu. Tom Jones on Marc Maron, and the fuckery of the new Apple IOS. Conservative broads on dating apps wont talk to you, either.
We didn't kill Deebo! Pasadena? More like no-ass-a-dena. This is the end(oscopy). The hardest you ever laughed. (Yes, I was that out of material for this week)
The Battle Of The Blood Test. Commando. I worked on a Sunday and it felt good, which is a weird thing to say. Don Johnson. Your dad's Playboys. TV Show fails - Silicon Valley, Veep, and The Americans.
Special 42nd Birthday edition, from Studio B. (Had to work late, this is as close to a party as I get) The Early Bird (not so) Special, and Urinal Cake Scented car scent. Rocha's Comedy Extravaganza on Friday night. Is Chipotle Fast Food? Why are women in LA on dating apps so abjectly terrified to meet you in person? Antoine Fuqua and Will Smith stink. Nobody, the Bob Odenkirk movie. Rough birthday morning.
Down with the sickness! Erika Eleniak. Friday night on the boulevard. The Courier. Gold's Gym, Venice CA. The Fail-con And The Winter Soldier.
Montana work excursion. Adventures in Purple Haze BANG. The Boys (the Amazon TV show, I feel l should explicitly clarify this)
More "because COVID" and society slowly unraveling, mostly through the prism of bad customer service. Two stand up shows, and the...results of them.
Corrections. The deed to Studio A. It's easier to get a concealed carry permit than a haircut in Los Angeles, at this point. Don't sell girl scout cookies for your kids. I suffered through hours and years of algebra and complicated math, and I never used it. It was a massive waste of time and frustration.
Allen. Cans. Mystery Illness. (Hopefully terminal, for your sake) Asian hair stinks. My spotter ghosted me. More like Coming To America BOO. Walking out of movies. Grandpa tells you about a TV show from 1983, for probably way too long.
Big Show Announcement. The mics, the mics are calling. Almost got my ticket punched on the 5. (Again) One year anniversary of "the incident." (Separate incidenttss) The Nap Factory™ and the Coat Check. I've really had it with outdoor mask mandates. "Because COVID." Looper is awesome, if you haven't seen it yet.
The show was fun, yo. The date was not so great. The gun range really blows. Im tired of living life outside, and this shitty pandemic. Man On The Moon. Gina Carano got canceled.
This Week, In Dick Jokes. I started wearing underwear again, after a 20 year hiatus. The mall gives me panic attacks now. (Awesome) The morning cardio workout clans at the gym stink. Fuck Cheesecake Factory, for a myriad of reasons. (Details inside) Fuck Ichiban sushi, and disorganized sushi pick up counters. Post COVID Hollywood blows. Young Guns II was much better in your memories.
Back on the ol stand up wagon. Being woefully fashion and pop culture aloof as a lad. Fuck how easily my bike gets scratched. Burger King mozzarella sticks stink. (Stick to the Arbys one) IHATE IHOP. A coffee date, where I ordered a tall but they sold me a grande. Watching Mandalorian BTS bums me out. (Because I dont work on it)
Delish Strawberry Kiss. How come the Native American guy in every action movie has a scene where he puts "war paint" on and ditches to the team to go (often needlessly) fight to his death? Cole day in hell. Hostage standoff and police shooting. The pipes, the pipes. Fauci might be a real life James Bond villain. "Card rooms." Larry Miller! One year of not going to the movies, and Spider Man Far From Home. Hourglass, and Beerwolf, and 'two album wonders.' Paul Sorvi-oh-no.
Purple pants and a Megadeth shirt. (Hello, ladies!) Familiar stranger at the Vitamin Shoppp-pe. Hard times at the deli counter. Stand up for yourself. LA guy complains about LA traffic. (Groundbreaking stuff) Parallel thinking, with Mark and Joe. Black privilege. (It's not what you think Im gonna say) The Man Who Shot Hitler, And Also The Bigfoot. The Babadook trailer is still scary. Buck Sexton.
Dave Ellefson has entered the chat. Gold's Gym Venice re-opened, outside. If you add up all the time I've complained about Once Upon A Time In Hollywood on this podcast, it would equal the actual run time of the movie. The Croissan'which. Truck fire. A soft tale. (wink wink)
One more trip to Poland. Drive Angry. "The price of beef goin through the fuckin roof," Pizza Hut stinks. Flunkin' Donuts. Cobra Kai season 3 is untenable. 2nd Watch Round Up: Spider Man Homecoming, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (sorry), and The Martian. Overrated artists, "masterpieces," and Purple Rain. (More like purple complain)
Circle In The BLAND. Olympus Has Fallen. Soft tale about a Soft Tail. Cereal killer. 24 Hour Shit-ness. The Write Stuff. Jack Valentine. New Year's Peeve. Drum Less'n's. Best of luck, Collins.
Hindsight is 2020. (Get it? What a year!) Christmas eve. Christmas day. A bunch of movies & shit I revisited, and you might like, or something? George Clooney stinks. We're never coming back from COVID, because most people are subservient, brainless sheep. Happy new year!
Christmas Eve, from Studio F! Christmas eve's & Christmas days of my yout'. (Which I generally hated, shocker) Dad/eh dude. The double bass dilemma. The Mandalorian season finale. Politically Incorrect Batman moral quandry. Coming To America II ("tWoOo?!") trailer. Rick Ta Life.
What dreams may (inexplicably) come. Drums coming together. The trouble with motorcycle related outerwear. Corona Christmas. Mandalorian re-cap. Mank? No thank. Tom Cruise meltdown.
Joke slinger Eric Roacha and social commentator Jordan Penis Powers join the pogrom this week, in a surprise guest episode extravaganza. We get into Eric's show at a park Saturday, Jord's disdain for Kevin Costner and Thanksgiving, and Luke's pernicious pussy snub, along with getting kicked off of "Hinge" thanks to the letter N.
Studio C. Drums: the cure for an existential crisis. Thanksgiving run down. Match.com still stinks, maybe I'll remember in another 5 years when I waste $120 on it again.
"A-musical," and my brother was even worse. Optimus Crime. Men drivers really let me down this week. The Great Reset. Face Mask Mania. Convertibles stink. Mandalorian Season 2 is off to a rip roaring start, fam.
The motorcycle diaries. Ghost books, and the "hairy hands." Politically Incorrect Batman shoot. I like great actors.
Chicken chasers. Guns N Roses rant. (Yes, again.) Good bye, Sweet Southern Heat Private Selection Potato Chips. (It's not my choice) King Sized Snickers got even smaller, and .35 debit card fees at the Arco station. (Collusion?) Bothering famous people, and complaining about people driving too fast, as if I couldn't sound more like a middle aged man.
Bang gank. Tiny Lister and hopefully/almost Gina Gershon. (Fuck Annette from Saturday Night Fever) Halloween, or the lack thereof. The Trump rally in Beverly Hills. Mandalorian Season 2 started. The election? More like the DEJECTION.
Blood test outlaw, week 2. Bye, Bai. Gimme a brake, Santa Clarita Harley Davidson! (Literally) Good service alert: Barneys Beanery in West Hollywood. The Killer Next Door, On Netflix. (Or whatever it's called) Amy Schumer stinks. Bill Burr on SNL. "NuMetal." Loose Ends.
Paging Dr Karloff. My First Mosh Pit™. I hope I look cool in my 50s & onwards. Eddie Van Halen was a shit head. A good set and a frustrating salad. How the fuck is Howard Stern bringing in this kind of money. Please take my motorcycle and throw it into a volcano. Fire on the 14. Let's go to Vegas.
About to put a bullet in my motorcycle and push it off a cliff. Chrissy Teigen is mentally ill. Businesses that are able to stay open but not keep their facilities clean oughta shampoo my crotch. Get down with the sickness. The Adesanya/Costa fight, and the Trump/Biden fight. Being your own boss. The saxaphone scene in St Elmo's Fire, and saxaphones in general. "Creed Shreds," and Biohazard. Grippin' ain't easy.
Hooked on Pedialyte & Vons brownies. (I have a real problem here, folks) The Timesuck podcast is frustrating. Great fries, but only 4 guys. My First Kidney Stone playset. I can't believe how bad St. Elmo's Fire is, 35 years later. Coneheads holds up tho.
I helped work on a car commercial spec shoot, basically IN the fires. The History Of My Sinuses (edge of your seat excitement!) Adventures in the emergency room, and more stomach fun. (Im in better shape now, thank god) Politically Correct Batman casting. I fucking hate this episode.
California in 2020 is absolutely miserable on every conceivable level. I might be dying. (Keep your fingers crossed) Marvel & X Men trading cards for sale. The curse of "me owning vehicles" continues.
Trouble with my CAR,son. Daily. Harley PAY-vidson. Weekend tryst. Honeyboy. Can't fight the moonlight.
Good "friend" comedian Eric Roacha joins the pogrom this week. We get into panini culture, The Searchers, abusive father figures, Fanto's, comedy, 'weird parent mandates,' and bringing girls around.
The money pit that is "driving in southern California." A walk to remember. Working out outside stinks. How is an egg McMuffin meal almost $9? Summer Of Sick. Jack Ryan, yay, Bosch, gay. Jobs report. Politically Correct Batman, and the Stratosphere elevator scene.
It was "On Deadly Ground," damn me. When I snuck out for no real reason, and thought every bar was "Road House." The rooftop show. (People probably wished it was Dylan Roof after my set) Rough times at the roach coach, the cup of soda from hell, and the infernal Jap restaurant. A case of the Mondays, indeed. (Murder and fire) Fear City on Netflix.
The numbers! Show this Sunday 8/2, 445 Western Ave, Jordan Leer's Rooftop! I cut myself shaving, and the "Portland Athena." Hydroxychloroquine. Preamble to a future (I hope) guest, and Steven Seagal/Fire Down Below. Carls Jr conspiracy. Culver City red lights. Gangster Squad stinks. San Diego Sunday (not so fun day)
RIP, Howard Stern. (Basically) The weather. All the stand up: shows and politics and state of the industry. The Hell Bugs Of Canyon Country. I'm high strung. True Detective Season 2 and the Michael Jordan poison pizza. The beach, and the booze. Cam's house, and fatties on my Harley. (This episode brought to you by the word "again.")
Lockdown, Part II. Friday night jew. California is supposed to be a desert, and it's always freezing. How could customer service in LA be worse when restaurants are at 1/4 of their normal capacity. The Michael Jordan documentary. Beach day with Striker. A sojourn (good word) to San Diego. Again.
Excuses are like assholes. Up Time. Actors work hard sometimes, but other times - suck it up. (Adam Driver) Shelf life. 4th Of July. Los Angeles is the land of inconsiderate assholes. Am I "random memory guy?" "Hollywood" on Netflix stinks. Life in "half a pandemic" LA.
Work. Fast Times At Golds Gym, Venice. ("The Mecca Of Bodybuilding™") Back on the boards. Couple motorcycle things. The Shelf-ish Of The Earth. $9 for a coffee and a bagel, fuck out of here.
I KNOW ABOUT THE SWIPE. DMV misadventures. Car Lizard. Bill & Ted III (just when you thought things couldnt get any worse) F Dave Chappelle. Bill BORE. Why aren't things re-opening without any common sense or logic or science.
Why in heaven's name would I tell my mom I took CBD gummies to go to sleep. Covidiocy. The motorcycle diaries.
Staying Woke (literally). Cafeteria lady triceps. King Sized Snickers is a king-sized LIE. Half scoop. HALF SCOOP. Memorial Gay. A pleasant Sunday around Los Angeles on my Harley. (As the city burned) Civil War Reboot. A quirky trip to the gun store.
"The floor towel." Tough times in Texas. Billy The Kid's grave. The I-40. Gamble and a loss in Vegas. Was Rodney Dangerfield really that funny, though? I got to do stand up again. Grocery store bags, the fun never ends. Strangers In The Night ran out of lyrics.
Crisis at the 800 mile mark. Draft 5: The Final Frontier. Mom: Professional Worry-er. The chiropractor in Florida, and another turtle rescue. The new Mark Normand special. I banged a fat chick in a park, in Florida. Storage places are seedier than you think. Stop colorizing old black and white pictures, it offends me.
My first public meal during the apocalypse, and it went about as well as you'd expect, if you know anything about me. New Rich White Dad™ breakdown. Marina Abramovic, and the Hollywood pedophile Satan worshipping New World Order cult, or something. The Seinfeld special on Netflix. Can you really be a "slut" if you're a lesbian?
Quarantine blues. Georgia on my mind. Ungrateful animals. The branch manager. A date with "a disgusting human being." "The president said we should inject ourselves with Lysol!" (Did he.) I hate Whitney Cummings. Jack Reacher. Fourth Draft.
Road Trip, Part 2: Buffalo & Watertown NY misanthropy, recorded on the way back to Florida. Uncle Luke, and my brother's place/Green Acres. Anxiety and existential dread at my paterfamilias. Southern idiosyncrasies. "Driving" me crazy.
Forty one? More like forty FUN!! Don't be lazy, watch The Crazies. Mad Men talk. (I'm re-watching it, watch it if you haven't yet) Problems with my faggy Terminator fan script. Bodyweight workouts. (More like "body, WAIT" workouts! LOL!) Florida ass. Late night TV is even worse, if that's possible. Bert Kreischer's special. "Mandy" stinks. Gun stores are weird. Cannonball Run's are rad.
Can we get some fucking toilet paper stocked already, for Christ's sake? Dating in the apocalypse. (And in FLORIDA, on top of it...) "Progressives." The Psychopath test. The Rainbow Room documentary. The Agnostic Front documentary, and Vinnie Stigma. The Louie CK special. I'm tired of good looking leading men being married to a "5" in whatever show or project they're in.
A secret transmission from the outskirts of the (soon to be national) police state, I record this from Florida after escaping the liberal fascist hell hole of California. I tell of my 3 day 2600 traverse across this great nation (while it's still here), and stopping by Dealey Plaza in Dallas Texas on the way. I'm in Florida and my future is very much in question, as I'm sure many of ours are. Thanks for listening, fam. Stay healthy, stay vigilant.
Live from the apocalypse, I get into the Coronavirus bullshit (sorry, I can't NOT talk about it) and job stuff. I also complain a little about Rogue One, a movie from 2016 seeing how we shan't be getting any new movies for a spell anyway, LOL. Ted Danson looks good for 72. Hang in there, next week/for a bit I'll be switching to interviews and things so you don't have to listen to me complain about not having anything to talk about. Because of this quarantine bullshit. Stay healthy, fucks.
The nuclear apocalypse that was episode 234. Mike Binder. The Outsider on HBO. McMillions.
Follow That Bird vs Friday The 13th, Part II. Traffic and vehicles. The Lost Weekend. Fitzdog at Gold's. Ray Cappo. The Power Glove™. The Big Bang. Stop mopping and sweeping floors during prime business hours.
Traipse through the Tinder-garden, and a night in the haunted castle. Harley Davidson accident #2, in 2 years. (More like State FART Insurance....) The not-so-Grand Comedy Club in San Diego, which is actually Escondido. "There's always gotta be a weirdo." Mal-entine's Day.