The Total Life Freedom Podcast: Recent Episodes
Vincent Pugliese
The Total Life Freedom Podcast is hosted by author, speaker, photographer and entrepreneur Vincent Pugliese. A daily, short format show, Total Life Freedom is a storytelling, informative and engaging solo podcast to inspire freelancers and entrepreneurs to build a life of time, money and location freedom.
After fifteen months of not publishing the podcast, it's a pleasure to be back! In the first episode after relaunching and renaming the podcast to The Membership Freedom Podcast, I discuss why I took the break, what happened during that time off and why I returned to the podcast!
Also, if you are interested in becoming a part of the Membership Freedom community, check it out here! To celebrate the launch of the Membership Freedom community, the price is discounted until Saturday, September 16th at 10am EST when it goes to full price.
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Grab a copy of The Wealth of Connection!
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To watch a video about the last football game at Shea Stadium and about todays episode, go here!
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As mentioned in todays episode, here is the information for Knighton Runs, Chris Knightons' business that helps runners run faster marathons!
I am no doctor and I don’t play one on T.V. I do have a very sloppy signature that has gotten people to ask if I was a doctor, though. So what I’ll bring today, as we wrap up this topic of Entrepreneurial Health, is based on the help I received, the research I did and the results that came from it. I don’t want you to ever suffer from adrenal fatigue. It was the only time in my life that I felt like I was truly dying. Often, being faced with a desperate situation is the catalyst to make the hard changes. The changes that I made were not ones that I was interested in, or inspired to do when things were good. It was only when the pain was so great that I reluctantly made big changes. So what did I do to turn my adrenal fatigue around and create what became a much more balanced, healthy and calmer life? 1- Eliminate added sugar and bread from my diet. Doing this sent many of my friends into a tizzy. The phrase, “I could never do that” was uttered more than I could count. You would if you felt like you were dying, I responded. I was challenged by my nutritionist to cut out all added sugar- meaning the only sugar I would consume would come from fruit- and to also cut out any bread from my diet. Do you know how hard it is for an Italian to not eat bread? And one with a giant sweet tooth? I could eat ice cream after breakfast, lunch and dinner and never get bored with it. But I need to cut them both out- cold turkey? Cold turkey without the stuffing, since there will be no bread. I was asked to eliminate it for two weeks to see how it went. She then moved the goalposts on me and said it really would have to be more like two months. I’m not sure if it was a bait and switch tactic, but it worked. I wouldn’t have signed on for two months even feeling like death. But two weeks? Even I could do that. What was remarkable was that after two weeks, I didn’t miss it. I felt a little proud that I actually possessed a little willpower. After a month, I was shocked to see that the sugar cravings were mostly gone. I also noticed that my taste buds were beginning to change. When I would have an orange- my fruit of choice- it began to taste sweeter. Almost like candy. It was almost like all of the artificial sugar dulled my taste buds towards the real stuff. After six months, I fully embraced the change. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I would go a full year without any added sugar or bread. It was during this time when I realized how much societal pressures bleed into our decisions, even unconsciously. I didn’t even think about sugar or bread unless we went out to eat. It was then that I realized how unhealthy our culture really is. I had to accept that 90% of the items on the menu I could not get because of either added sugar or bread. On top of that, it was interesting to see the reactions from others. When going out to dinner with friends, I became a bit of a sideshow to everyone's curiosity and even their judgement. I would get peppers with questions. Often, in a dismissive way. Condescending even. Alcohol was one of the things I gave up, which led to even greater scorn. I finally began speaking up, addressing the fact that I never even brought up the sugar or bread- it was only discussed by what I chose to order. From there, because I was different, there was this need to poke at me like I was some type of science experiment. I’m not questioning what you are eating (even though I probably had more of a reason to do so), so why are you questioning me? That showed me how societal norms and peer pressure often help keep people unhealthy. After a year, I felt physically better than ever, a side effect that wasn’t even the goal with cutting these things out. I lost weight, became leaner and even noticed changes in me face by reducing the inflammation. The mental side was harder. We were trying to reverse years of apparent stress that I never addressed, and reverse it after an adrenal crash. Just so you know, it’s much harder to repair your adrenals after a big crash. So I beg you not to let it get there. Cutting out sugar and bread was a life changing decision for me. If I didn’t make those changes, the road that I was on was a dire one. Like is often the case, when we get healthier, we slip back into our old patterns. I did as well. After years of letting sugar creep back in, I got focused enough to do it again. On my 49th birthday, I decided to cut sugar out again for a full year. And after a fabulous, peanut butter ice cream sundae on my 50th birthday, I am once again going sugar free for the next year. I did many things and made many changes to overcome my adrenal fatigue and become healthy again. Elizabeth and I set much more focused sleep goals. We invested in proper supplements. I intentionally got more sunshine, more movement, meditation as well as more breaks in my work. But the thing that changed my life for the better- and seemed to turn it all around- were the changes that I made in my diet. If diving deeper into the topic of adrenal fatigue, food choices, or any of the areas of change that I made are interesting to you, please email me at vincent@totallifefreedom.com for any potential new topics for the podcast!
I hope you enjoyed yesterday's interview with Shawn Stevenson. Stevenson was instrumental in getting my health back after a severe bout of adrenal fatigue. My wife Elizabeth and I found his podcast, The Model Health Show, as I was pushing the boundaries on my health. My diet had become predictably unhealthy. Not in a dramatic way, and often, that can be the worst way. We can lull ourselves into thinking everything is just fine. In reality, though, we have become just a little more tired. We’re getting just a little less sleep. Our clothes are fitting just a little too tight. We don’t worry about the extra hours we are putting in. I have bills to pay and mouths to feed, right? It’s all honorable. How can you succeed without hard work? But it’s easy to run past the boundaries when you don’t know where they are. It’s even easier to stray when you don’t have any set boundaries. Looking back, I had few. And it hit me. And hit me hard. It seemed to happen overnight. I learned later that it was years in the making. One evening, I stayed up way too late watching YouTube videos. One led to another, and somewhere along the way I began watching a few documentaries that got me worried. A few more, and I was panicked. The next morning, Elizabeth woke up next to a different husband. I remember lying in bed, feeling like everything was falling apart. She had to laugh because the night before, everything was just fine and dandy. Although I knew that our world hadn’t changed overnight, something in my body did. With the stress that I put on my mind, something seemed to be fighentingly differently. Worry took over as I literally felt it in my heart. It was like it was shaking. What was so hard was even attempting to explain this to anyone else. How could everyone else seem so calm? How could they seem so stress free when I couldn’t stop shaking? That night, I slept less than three hours. That pattern continued for more than sixteen months. I would finally fall asleep around 11pm. But like clockwork, I would wake up in a panic a few hours later. My heart would be racing. My chest would be pounding. I’d look at the clock. 1:58. The next night, the same thing would happen. It became so common that when my eyes would open, I would guess the time without even looking at the clock. “2:01,” I would say to myself. I was spot on. For months, I could predict the time within one minute of the actual time. It got so bad that I would go downstairs and sit with my head on the dining room table, wrapped up in a combination of depression, worry and anxiety. Elizabeth would walk downstairs, asking what time I woke up. I’d explain that I only slept for an hour. The burden that this took on our family was immense. Elizabeth essentially had to be a single mom for more than a year, while adding a nervous, adult child to the mix. Every day, I would wake up exhausted, I’d grab a blanket and drop onto the couch. I was tired before the day began. My body battled with each other- the exhaustion would fight against the anxiety. And it left me battered and bruised. After six months of stubbornness, I finally went to get bloodwork done to see what was going on. It turned out that I had adrenal fatigue. Are you curious what adrenal fatigue is? So was I. Essentially, it is a group of symptoms that occur in people who have been under mental, emotional or physical stress. I will link to some articles to help. Eventually, it makes life too hard to handle. With too much long term stress, our adrenal glands can’t keep up and eventually give out. Between a combination of a poor diet and lack of boundaries with my work time, it shut me down. I knew I needed to make big changes while on a weekend walk with my son AndrewI. In bright sunshine next to a kid with boundless energy, I could not keep my eyes open. That night, with the help of a nutritionist, I made a major change in my diet- eliminating added sugar- and began to turn things around. It would be another year before I felt like I was past it, and if I’m being totally honest, all of these years later, I believe I still feel the effects of it today. In tomorrow's episode, I will discuss what I did to recover from my adrenal fatigue, things that you can do if you are experiencing it and- maybe most importantly- what to do so you don’t experience this. If this can help anyone change so that they don’t go through the torture that i did, my work here would be a success. Join me tomorrow for the final segment of this theme on Entrepreneurial Health!
People often ask me what it is that I do. I’ve never been an ‘elevator pitch’ type of person. Once, I blurted out a quick line. I help lonely entrepreneurs. It was meant to be a joke but the person nodded, leaned in and sounded extremely curious. She mentioned that there is such a need for that. I said it jokingly. I had no idea how close to the truth that statement really was. Helping lonely entrepreneurs was never what I set out to do. Eighteen years ago, when I first began planting the seeds to leave my career as an employee and build that life of freedom through entrepreneurship, the idea of it being lonely was the furthest idea from my mind. In fact, I would have gladly taken a large dose of loneliness, being that I was so tired of the politics of the newsroom and everything that came with the madness of the office that I worked in. The thought of being alone with my thoughts was enticing. Nobody telling me what to do. Nobody telling me where to go. Silence. Heavenly silence. We’re still around a decade away from being empty nesters but I would guess that it’s like that parent that is overwhelmed by the noise and the mess of raising children, who desperately wants quiet. They long for the days where they can wake up in silence, sip their morning coffee and enjoy a peaceful breakfast without nerf darts being shot into their toast while children run around screaming. And then they get there. The kids are on their own. They have their quiet. The quiet that they have wanted for years. But it’s not exactly what they expected. As much as they value their newfound freedom, they miss some of the madness. They actually miss the noise. Most days. You don’t know what you’ve got, till it’s gone. For lonely entrepreneurs, it’s not the same feeling as your kids growing and leaving the house. But so often, there is a void that is left when we don’t have co-workers any longer no matter how toxic, mundane and aggravating as it all was. Retired pro athletes have told me the same. They don’t miss the game but they miss hanging out with the guys in the locker room. So what happens to that void that was left? Where do we fill it? And so many of us fill it in the easiest, most convenient way available. We go online. Now don’t even get me started on the Metaverse. Call me out of touch, call me old, call me whatever name you want. I have no interest in living in a virtual world with goggles on. I never even liked wearing goggles at the pool. But as we slip deeper into these virtual worlds (many would say that we are already doing so in many ways), it has led to an ease of convenience and a plethora of negative effects. Heavy use of Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat have widely been associated with feelings of isolation and depression. In a study by Brian Primack, the director of the Center for Research on Media, Technology and Health at the University of Pittsburgh, it turns out that people who spend more than two hours a day on social media felt twice as isolated as those who were only on for thirty minutes. Whether it’s because we spend so much more time online or we feel isolated because we see others connected and connecting in ways that we aren’t that make us so lonely, but either way, we are sociatally feeling more lonely and isolated. And there is no disputing that feelings of loneliness in the United States has reached an all time high. And the more we believe we are connected online, without the real benefits that come with true connection, is pulling us deeper into this trap. Lack of social connection heightens health risks to the same level as smoking fifteen cigarettes per day or having an alcoholic use disorder, according to Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University. And entrepreneurs are especially vulnerable to this. We control our time more. We have less rules to follow or people to answer to. We enjoy our work, so much so that we often have no idea how much time we spend online, on social media or in front of screens. But we have to protect ourselves from the isolation. It’s simply become too easy to stay in our homes. It’s become too normalized to order online, connect virtually and slowly begin to shun real human connection. All of this is making us more isolated. With that isolation comes a laundry list of health issues that we don’t see coming. Socially isolated people have a harder time dealing with stressful situations. Do you think that has had an effect over the past two years? They have a harder time processing information, retaining memories and making decisions. The dream of entrepreneurial freedom did not include the trap of isolation. Yet more than ever, that trap has caught way too many. Whether you are working towards this life or are deeply into it, developing habits to combat isolation is going to be one of the greatest changes you can make for your health- both mentally and physically.
It felt like a screwdriver was twisting through my temples. Not just one temple. This invisible screwdriver went though both ends of my skull and seemed to have the ability to dig in above my eyes as well, into the area beneath my eyebrows. My in-laws were visiting from Ohio, and up until that point, it was a fantastic time. But the pain struck fast, and it struck hard. It was confusing because for so long, I never dealt with any type of headaches. But over the past few years, they have crept in with more regularity. Even so, this was different. The pain was unbearable. It was one of those headaches that makes you wonder how people that deal with consistent migraines even make it. Either I’ve become soft and a big baby or this really was a pain that was hard to content with. I stumbled off into another room, trying desperately to get away from any and all noises. The only sound I craved was the sound of silence. What was astonishing was the level of sensitivity in my brain from this mental intruder. I can spend hours in this room, working away with all sorts of noises from the outside, including the loud impression that Dylan makes of a garbage truck. None of it slows me down for a moment. But when this type of headache moves in, every noise is like a needle shooting through my skull. The worst, oddly enough, is someone doing the dishes. The clanking, banging and sorting is my modern version of chinese water torture. The pain lasted a few days. Everything was still sensitive, and the agony seemed to enter directly through my eyes. Were my eyes giving out? Are my contacts failing me? Is something psychologically wrong with me? All of those thoughts entered my pounding head. What I didn’t consider was Computer Vision Syndrome. Computer vision what, you ask? Yeah, I asked the same thing. I’d never heard of it before. But you search for odd things when your head feels like it is in the crosshairs in a war between two armies. Apparently, a more common term for this is digital eye strain. Ahhhh. Okay. I’m listening. My temples are pounding, but I’m listening. Your eyes are always working. But did you know that your eyes work harder when you are looking at a screen? I didn’t. I also didn;t know that letters on a digital screen are more challenging for our eyes to read compared to the printed page because the letters are not as defined, they aren’t as sharp and the glare and reflections from the screen makes it more challenging for our eyes. If you add in any previous eye problems that you already have, that will increase any discomfort that you will feel. This was all sounding uncomfortably accurate. As I laid there in an awkward position, I also learned that looking at a screen in an awkward position can lead to pain in the shoulder, back and neck, the ladder which can also contribute to the worsening of a headache. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this? Or did they, but I was distracted while on a screen? Either way, this wasn’t something I could ignore any longer. As I sat there feeling like death warmed over, I had to change something. Not only was it affecting my work, because if being on a screen causes pain, I obviously had to do less. But it was now barging into my family time. I would finish work many days, excited to be with Elizabeth and the boys. But the noise became so unbearable that I then needed to go on my own for quiet. This was not the life of freedom that we were striving for. As is always the case with growth, great pain comes with valuable solutions. As amazing as all of this technology is- tech that affords us the option to create businesses from anywhere, connect instantaneously across the globe and have virtually anything we want in a short time delivered right to us- it comes with some fairly major pitfalls. We will discuss isolation and sleep issues in the next two episodes, but the physical detriment to our eyes, our brains and our systems is a realy thing. And like any new invention that begins with almost all positives with little discussion on the downsides, we are reaching a maturity level here where a major disruption like Computer Vision Syndrome needs to be examined. Examined by healthy, well rested eyes. So whether you have experienced what it feels like to be dying a painful death through your head or you can see how this really can add up to possibly take you there, taking preventative measures to ward off The Angel Of (Head) Death should be as common as “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” adage from a half century ago. Some simple action steps that you can take immediately. 1- Utilize the 20-20-20 Rule that we discussed in yesterday's episode. 2- Keep your computer screen 15-20 degrees lower than your eyes 3- Utilize blue light coatings, tints or glasses to reduce the amount of blue light that your body sees. 4- Use the Pomodoro Technique, which is focused work for forty two to forty five minutes and then taking a fifteen to eighteen minute break away from all screens. 5- When taking a break, get outside, get movement and get sunshine. Not only will that improve your physical health and mental health, but it will also make you more creative, productive and happy with your work. Tomorrow, we will discuss another health issue that is increasingly prevalent in the world of entrepreneurship and the solopreneurs of the world- The Land of Isolation.
When we talk about health for entrepreneurs, there are quite literally hundreds of directions in which we can go. Finding information that is important about the health of entrepreneurs to share is not the problem. Choosing which direction to take is the challenge. So this week, I am going to go in a direction that you may not expect. I’m going to weave a storyline that addresses topics that we see touched upon often but hopefully making this a series and a combo will make it come together and have a deeper impact for you. We discussed in the previous lesson that entrepreneurs, for the most part, enjoy the work that they do. Why is that more common in entrepreneurs than employees? First, they have more options to choose the work that they will do. Why would you choose to create a business that you don’t enjoy? And if you don’t enjoy it, as an entrepreneur, you have many more options to pivot and shift the work away that you don’t enjoy and spend your time on the work that you do like doing. You can hire to outsource the tedious tasks or figure out how to eliminate what isn’t important. We keep going back to that one word- options. Business owners are usually less afraid of risk so they might even just start over with a new business. But when you like your work, you like to work. But unlike what work looked like for previous generations, much of our work done as business owners occurs in front of a screen. Even if you do your best to avoid social media, set up time blocks or use Parkinson's Law to be more efficient, we are still looking at a screen during much of that time. So if we address two factors- 1- business owners work sixty three percent more than employees and 2- much of that work is done in front of screens- we see that we are heading down a dangerous path that we warn our children of, but we don’t heed that warning for ourselves. We (hopefully) guide our children to not spend too much time staring at screens. But do we stop to consider how much time we spend on screens, and what that amount of screen time does to us physically and mentally? Unfortunately, this is all so new in the grand scope. According to Oxford University researchers Amy Orben and Andrew Przybylski, the science being used to figure out how much screen time affects us is not solid, and it covers too wide of a range of people in too short of a period of time. Even Tim Cook, the CEO for Apple, has stated that we spend too much time on our devices. The funny thing is, we use all of this amazing technology to become more productive. But by working to become more productive, we spend more and more time looking to do so that we actually become incredibly less productive, more sedentary and causing great strain to our bodies and our minds. I got off of a series of zoom calls a few weeks ago and, after turning away from the computer, felt a dizziness that was becoming a little too common after calls. It was almost like I was drugged but it wasn’t a drug that anyone would have taken voluntarily. There was a dizziness that made no sense. Of course, I went online to see what the issue might be. This is a funny, ironic little world that we created, isn’t it? It was now so common to be on these calls that I never thought there might be consequences that come from staring for long periods of time at two pieces of polarized glass with a liquid crystal type material sandwiched between them. That sounds natural, doesn’t it? The average American spends more than eleven hours looking at screens per day. Do you think this could be affecting our health in a multitude of ways? Now, at this point, you might be getting a little frustrated at me. You might be thinking, Vin. I’m not some schmo scrolling Youtube and Instagram all day wasting time. (We know you are a little, by the way). I run a business and I need to be on the computer otherwise things will not get done. And, guess what. I believe you. I’m no different. I also believe I don’t waste time online (I’m lying like you are) and I also know that I need to be on the computer to get work done. I mean, I’m writing this on a computer and unless you printed this out, you are reading on one as well. So what do we do? Can we be more effective and spend less time online? Absolutely. That is classic 80/20, but it doesn’t happen immediately. Those are habits that we need to implement, and disciplines that we need to create. But is there anything that we can do right now to make an improvement? After my dizzy spell, I looked at a screen to get an answer that helped me improve my health while on screens. The American Optometric Association suggests a 20-20-20 rule. I read it, utilized it, and, amazingly, it began to work. Here’s how it goes. For every twenty minutes that you spend staring at a screen, take a twenty second break to look at something twenty feet away to give your eyes a break. That one little suggestion gave me a boundary and a framework that I didn’t utilize before and it helped reduce the strain that was being put on my mind, and my eyes. It has allowed me to implement a few other practices, like looking out of the window while I’m giving an answer to someone online. Not only does it allow me to unlock my eyes from the screen for a bit but I also found that my answers were crisper and more thought out because I allowed my mind to focus clearer by taking my eyes off of the screen. The problem with any type of comfort is that the problems that come from it sneak up so slowly that when they arrive, we don’t see it as a problem. It’s that way with bad habits. They don’t happen immediately and we don’t feel the effects right away. But compounded over time, they cause great pain and discomfort and we are so used to them, we don’t have the ability to recognize where the pain comes from. And speaking of pain, tomorrow we are going to address a pain that comes with this topic that is becoming more and more common but, up until recently, is hardly being discussed. I hope you join us tomorrow!
The lure of entrepreneurship is something that, for many of us, is unavoidable. Those who know that this life is their destiny crave freedom more than security, the want options more than comfort and they desire control over direction. So much has been said to glorify and glamorize the world of entrepreneurship. Admittedly, there is a lot to fawn over. Aside from having to catch a rare early flight, I never wake up by an alarm. My schedule is mine to create. That’s never the way it begins in business, but the beauty of running your own show is that you have the option and the freedom to dream, design and create the life- and schedule- that you desire. There was a long period of time that we valued extensive travel, and we built our business and schedule around that. Now that we have two teenagers and a ten-year-old, we have shifted our values and our vision to creating the most quality time with them as we bond in our relationships, prepare them for their future and make sure that we focus on the most important thing in our lives- our family. That all sounds peachy, doesn’t it? That’s what all of the wantrepreneurs- a joking term for employees that want to be entrepreneurs- focus on as they dream out their lives. But often, in chasing their dreams, they overlook the darker side of entrepreneurship. The health issues. Don’t let any of the images of these business owners on their yachts and chilling at the beach fool you. The world of entrepreneurship is closely tied to some potentially damaging health issues. It all starts out so innocently. And passionately. Because entrepreneurs generally enjoy the work that they do, they actually like to work. That’s something that most of the American population crave. A poll conducted by Gallup found that 85% of employees are unhappy in their jobs. 85 percent! So when you are able to create a business where you enjoy the work, it’s not a stretch to want to work more. And often it’s not just for the money. It’s because of human nature- we want to be engaged in what we are interested in. That’s why so many employees tell me they are dying a very slow death- they get paid well but are disengaged and bored with their work. So when they finally get out of their to do their own thing, the excitement of loving your work can tend to take over. Multiple studies have shown that entrepreneurs work sixty three percent longer than employees do. So it’s not a surprise to hear that, not only are they more engaged with their work, but they also earn more income. In Thomas Stanley’s book The Millionaire Next Door, he showed that seventy five percent of millionaires were self employed yet only twenty five percent of the population were self employed. Essentially, it’s really difficult to become a millionaire as an employee and you have a much greater percentage of reaching that status as an entrepreneur. This world sounds pretty sweet right about now, doesn’t it? Are you ready to go tell your boss to go pound sand and go get your life of freedom? I can relate. I had that moment too. But as I ran head first into this world, there were things that nobody told me about what I was rushing into. And who would tell me, anyway? Nobody I knew was really in this world. All I knew was that I was so tired of not having control of my time and being paid a low wage with no options to increase it that I just needed to get out without worrying about the downsides. Part of me is glad that I didn’t know. Maybe, just maybe, it would have scared me off. Or caused me to pause. In full disclosure, I would take all of the health challenges that came with this life for the tradeoff that we made six days a week and twice on Sunday. But looking back, it wouldn’t have hurt to be more prepared. So as we dive into this theme of Entrepreneurial Health this week, this will not only be beneficial to the newcomers but to the veterans as well. In our mastermind, the conversations and struggles are often around how we navigate the mental challenges of the work we do. The loneliness, the isolation, the overthinking, the sleep issues and the anxiety. The mental health as well as the physical health.
There is a great scene from the movie Tommy Boy that displays the power of storytelling in a silly but meaningful way.
Tommy, played by Chris Farley, is in a restaurant with his friend and business partner Richard, who was played by David Spade. Tommy is the son of “Big Tom’ Callahan, the owner of Callahan Auto, a successful auto parts business in Sandusky, Ohio. And even though “Big Tom'' is a master at sales, Tommy, or Tommy Boy as he is known, is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
It took him seven years to graduate from Marquette University, and even then, he barely made it out. Tommy Boy is gifted given an executive position within the company. This annoys Richard, who has been a loyal, hardworking employee and understands the nuances of the company and the business. Tommy Boy is set to cruise through life in his cozy office with the mini fridge and the Star Wars fan.
But during his fathers wedding, ‘Big Tom’ collapsed while dancing and, to the shock of the guests, died of a massive heart attack on the spot. The company is sent into disarray, as the heart and leader of the company was suddenly gone. All of the hopes, to keep the company going and save the jobs of all of the employees, rested on the giant shoulders of Tommy Boy.
The problem is, he sucks at sales. And without the trust that his dad had, the bank backed out of a promised loan for their new brake pad division. On top of that, they wanted immediate payment of all of the debt that the company owed. So it is up to Tommy Boy to go cross country, to try to sell a certain amount of brake pads to get the money to keep the business alive.
Hilarity ensues as Tommy and Richard hit the road together. Each step of the way, the lack of experiences, social awkwardness and immaturity that Tommy Boy exhibits leads to failure after failure in attempting to close some deals. He tries to imitate some of his fathers stories and jokes that always worked but he couldn’t pull it off.
After another embarrassing scene where the failure continued, Tommy and Richard sit down at The Cluck Bucket for a meal, both still smarting by how poorly everything is going. A grumpy and obviously overworked waitress comes over to take their order. Tommy is really craving chicken wings and attempts to place the order but she explains that the kitchen is closed until dinner and they are currently only serving cold items and desserts.
Tommy tries once more to see if he can get those wings, and the waitress quickly and coldly shuts him down. After resigning himself to consuming a sugar packet for his meal, Tommy changes his demeanor and asks what the waitress's name was. You see her, for a moment, have a human emotion as she says that her name is Helen.
Tommy then compliments her and attempts to bond with her by acknowledging that they are both in sales. And he goes on to explain why he sucks at sales. When he starts telling the story, she sighs and briefly turns away, obviously annoyed by this entire situation. But Tommy Boy continues. He explains that whenever a client is even a little interested in buying something, he makes fun of himself by showing how ridiculously excited he gets at the chance.
Each time this happens, Tommy Boy treats this potential opportunity as a precious “little pet”, and he describes in physical humor as only Chris Farley can, how he winds up destroying that pet every time. During the scene, he has Helens full attention even as she looks disturbed by what he is saying.
After his emotional outbreak within the description, Tommy regains his composure immediately. And with the cool calm and demeanor as his dad had, he bonds himself and Helen together with the words describing how people like them need to forge ahead.
“God, you’re sick,” she says while shaking her head.
“I’ll tell you what,” she says. “I’ll go throw the fryers on and throw some wings on for you.”
Richard looks stunned by what Tommy Boy just pulled on. Tommy had no clue, he was just happy to get the wings. Richard asked about how he just completely turned around that situation with Helen. Why can’t he sell like that?
“I was just having fun,” he described. “If we didn’t get the wings, so what? We still have the meat lovers pizza in the trunk.”
Richard explained that he got the wings because he was relaxed. He showed that Tommy got the wings because he had confidence. And he got the wings because he knew how to read people, just like his dad knew how to do.
All of those things are accurate and they all are important. But he didn’t get the wings solely for any of those reasons. He got them because he was able to wrap his relaxation, his confidence, his ability to read people into a fabulous story. A story that shifted Helen from a grumpy cynic into a helpful advocate in a matter of minutes.
That’s what great storytellers do. They fearlessly show up- either one to one, through their voice, through their written words or up on stage in front of strangers. And they tell stories that turn strangers into friends. They tell stories that turn non believers into believers. They tell stories that change the world, one person at a time.
You would think that being someone that photographed the brutal, blood spitting, hard hitting. Board crunching game of hockey would have little connection to the pristine world of the pristine world of weddings. weddings where little girls have dreamed of that perfect, romantic day since they were seven. You would also think that brides want to see nothing but the beautiful details of their perfect wedding day reflected back at them by the photographer that they were choosing.
We talked on Thursday's episode about storytellers having the ability to transcend industries. It’s actually even more powerful than that. The skill allows you to blend your skills within your industry, allowing you to be specific and niched while also having a chameleon-like ability to cover more ground. Creating that skill and understanding allows you to grab opportunities that you normally might not have a shot at.
Deep into our wedding photography career, I met with a bride and her dad about her upcoming nuptials. Our approach to meeting with a bride was very simple. I brought two briefcases- both with a beautiful, modern and custom designed wedding album. Those albums allowed us to show two full weddings, start to finish, displaying not only our storytelling abilities but the way we captured moments, the way that we saw light and the quality of our albums.
One evening, before I was to meet with a potential client, I picked up a copy of a magazine that I had been impatiently waiting for. It was an issue of Sports Illustrated, but not just any issue of SI. It was the issue that- after years of trying- had one of my images prominently displayed. A few months earlier, I had shot a picture of Pittsburgh Penguins superstar Sidney Crosby that was selected by their editors to be the main, two page wide photograph that would lead off the featured story that they wrote about him. I could barely contain my excitement. Sports Illustrated was my favorite magazine growing up and it was one of my biggest dreams to get a prominent spot in their magazine,
When I got the copy in my hand, I stared at it way longer than I should have. I thought back to all of the years where I made no money in the industry. In fact, I made a grand total of twenty thousand dollars in my first six years of shooting, including my time at school. So many emotions flooded my head as I stared at that paper. Wanting to show my friend, I placed one of the copies in my briefcase that held the wedding albums.
At the meeting with the bride that night, she showed up with her parents. She seemed to really enjoy our work and the conversation was good but by no means sis I get the vibe that this was a slam dunk. Sometimes, you just know. We can tell by their language that they were going to book us, they just needed to meet in person and make sure that we weren’t complete lunatics before they signed the check. This meeting wasn’t the case. She was clear that they had met with a handful of other photographers and they would make their decision once they evaluated all of the options.
At the end of the meeting, as I put the album back in the case, I saw the Sports Illustrated at the bottom.
“Would you like to see something cool before you go?,” I asked, completely unscripted.
After they agreed, I pulled out the magazine and showed them my image.
“You shot that?” The bride asked.
I went into full storytelling mode. I told them the entire story, including how I had such a bad back problem that I almost didn’t make it to the game. I could hardly walk and was awaiting a possible surgery, but I couldn’t turn down this assignment. It was with a new agency and I wouldn’t get future work if I said no. I then told the story about how, because of the back pain and getting no sleep the night before, I not only forgot to bring my camera batteries to the arena but how I mistakenly brought one of our broken cameras!
The entire afternoon was a comedy of errors that kept leading down a darker, more painful path. They knew that the day would end positively, judging by the picture in the magazine, but they were transfixed on each word that I said. I made sure I took my time and let them feel what I was feeling. They couldn’t get enough.
I then described the end of the game, when that image was made. Usually, if I’m in good health, I leave my spot to rush back to the photo room to transmit the images and then get out to beat traffic. But I was in so much pain that I sat in my seat a little longer. While I sat there, the team announced the three stars- the top players from the game. Crosby was the number one star, and with nothing but a spotlight on him, he skated onto the ice, waved his stick while somehow glancing at me, and I took one shot.
What I went to transmit, I didn’t think much of the image. I needed to send twenty images to the agency. I had sent nineteen. I chose that for the twentieth. That was the image that they selected.
This bride and her parents sat with their mouths open. They looked at each other. They looked at me. They looked at the photograph.
“We want you for our wedding,” she declared.
Not surprisingly, I keep that image in the briefcase. It became a routine that near the end of the meeting I would say, “do you want to see something cool?”.
One night, during a meeting with a bride and her dad on the second floor of The Galleria Mall, I asked the same question at the meeting. By now, I had this story down. I know all of the details, I figured out what made people gasp, I knew which words to emphasize. I was almost like it was a part of a show.
The dad, a highly successful attorney who was hard to impress, looked towards her daughter with a mafia-like nod.
“If you are good enough for the Penguins,” he declared, “ you are good enough for my daughter.”
He pulled out his checkbook and handed me a six thousand dollar check.
It took me six years to make twenty thousand dollars in photography. It took me less than two weeks to make more than twenty thousand dollars with just one photograph.
That’s the power of storytelling. And the greater power of using your storytelling to convey a feeling that allows you to stand out in a sea of sameness. Going into those meetings, our company was just one of many. But after hearing that story, we immediately formed a connection that not only won them over but won them over in a way that they were so excited to not only have a wedding photographer that they wanted but one who used the same camera to shoot their pictures that were used to photograph their heroes. Those were the words that one bride told her dad literally moments before they walked down the aisle.
Storytelling is an art as much as it’s a science. It’s a medium that is fascinating because it can never truly be mastered. Maybe for a moment. Maybe it can be for a magical hour. But being a great storyteller is very much like tuning a guitar. When you tune that guitar perfectly and strum that first F chord, it sounds absolutely perfect. But any guitar player will tell you that it never stays that way.
Even when you play great, it goes out of tune. And the notion that you constantly need to retune to keep great sound is learned quickly by any aspiring guitar player. Telling a story well is similar to playing a guitar well.
You constantly need to retune.
I had learned that I was a pretty good storyteller by the time I was hired as a photojournalist in Evansville. My photo series in the William Randolph Hearst National Champion was first place in the national competition, giving me validation, credentials and a little cash- all that were needed. My verbal storytelling was much more unrefined. The biggest stage I had was a full table at a bar. But there was something about putting sentences together in a way that kept people leaning towards me and having them maintain eye contact that was slightly intoxicating.
So any chance I had, I used stories to keep the attention. Even in typical work situations.
One afternoon at the newspaper, I was assigned to a breaking news assignment with no warning. I drove over to the location, documenting the crime scene while doubling as the reporter since there was no writer who could get to the scene that quickly. I attempted to get as much information from the police and the witnesses to bring back to the newsroom to use for the story.
Being an early evening event, I rushed back to the newsroom to get my images scanned and the story relayed. I was out of breath as I dropped my gear on the table while our editor rushed over to find out what was going on. He wanted all of the information to relay to the news editor.
In full adrenaline mode, I began relaying everything that I had learned. My editor, a southern paced, slow talking chap, often snickered at my quick, new york style of talking. I shot fact after fact while relaying the atmosphere of the scene. I meticulously rattled off the names of the victim, the family members that I met and the stories from the witnesses that I encountered. Ending with a frantic finish, I got everything in with precision before I could forget any of the details.
I took a deep breath, exhausted but thrilled to have relayed that for the newsroom to utilize.
I looked at my boss, waiting for any follow up questions while he was obviously processing all of the vital information I had shared.
He looked at me with what has to be an obvious, proud smile.
“Son,” he said. “I didn’t understand a word that you just said.”
My ability to tell a great story was handcuffed by my inability to pause. A pause is an essential piece in the arsenal of the storyteller and when ignored, it’s not much different than a guitar player who forgets to tune their guitar.
Whether it’s through music or through speaking, the pause brings drama and suspense to a story. Think of the notes from a song that moves you. It’s often the pause between two notes that is as meaningful as the note itself. It’s the pause that allows you to process what was said previously and gives you the space to anticipate what is coming next. By rattling off my words like a speed metal guitarist would pound on notes on his blazing solo, I gave no time for my editor to think, appreciate or process the words that I said.
Often for speakers, we are afraid to pause because we don’t want to give the appearance that we don’t know what we are talking about. I have had an aversion to what is known as “dead air” in the radio world. An Achilles of my verbal style is that fear of silence. Yet the most masterful storytellers actually make your audience believe that you know what you are talking about.
Pauses allow your audience to keep up with your pace. Storytelling is different from a conversation. In a conversation, a pause is usually filled up with either the other person speaking or the person speaking using filler words to keep control of the conversation.
This episode is a general overview of the pause, and we will go much deeper into this in the advanced storytelling seasons that we have in the future but if you can leave here today with a good respect for the power of the pause, this will be well worth it.
I’ll leave you with one final thought and story on the importance of the pause- administering the element of surprise.
One of the best examples of this came from a press conference in which Boston College basketball player Dennis Clifford was being interviewed. His team had gone winless for the season, and an obviously emotional sat at the podium next to his coach and he was asked a question from a reporter. They were the first team ever to go 0-19 in the Atlantic Coast Conference.
He was asked what his best memory was from his time playing basketball at Boston College. He looked at the reporter and began to give his answer.
“Probably just, like,” Clifford said, before pausing.
He sighed, obviously having tons of memories on the court to process before deciding on the one that was most memorable. He shook his head, and then bowed him head towards his head in what was turning out to be an unexpected emotional moment. He paused even longer, to the point where not only was the room becoming uncomfortable but everyone was now hanging on whatever words he said next. This had to be good!
After what was an excruciating fourteen second pause, Clifford lifted his head to give what was sure to be an epic answer. Would it be a last second buzzer beater? Would it a locker room speech? Would it be any other experience that could only happen on the competitive court?
“Going out to eat,” Clifford said.
He lowered his head again, adding to the effect.
That moment, that has now gone viral, was memorable because of the pause. If he would have just said, “Probably just going out to eat,” it would have been met with a chuckle. But because he appeared to get emotional, and he had the guts to take a fourteen second pause, he not only commanded the fickle crowd, but created a moment that is still talked about.
That’s the difference a pause makes.
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If you are new to the podcast, I wanted to share Episode 1 of Season 2, which started on this new format for the show. The first theme was titled "How To Build A Lifestyle Business".
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Let me guess what you are thinking. You want to start a business to build that life of freedom but there is no way that you can replace your income to make it a reality. Trust me, I hear it all of this time.
David attended one of our Total Life Freedom live events, and he was in that exact spot. Actually, the spot he was in was so similar to where so many of us are- or have been- that it was a little strange.
David was talented in his world but stuck in the corporate grind. They paid him well- enough to live a comfortable life but not enough to feel comfortable in life. He despised the commute, could no longer tolerate the office politics and worst of all, realized that he wasn't doing work that he loved.
So he came to our event looking for answers. But he kept putting up roadblocks. Each step of the way, each suggestion was met with a reason why it wasn't possible for him. I'm kind of a pain so I pushed. There's a reason why Tricia Prues gave me the title of 'Pushy Pugliese'.
The more we pushed, the more the truth came out. It wasn't that he didn't believe that he could do it. He just didn't think he could replace his six figure income- and replace it quickly. So the desperation of needing to replace that income quickly is what kept stopping him. But he was missing the real question.
What did he really need? And more importantly, what did he really need for his freedom? Did he truly have to replace his full salary to be happy? As we broke down what his goals were, making that amount of amount of money wasn't his top goal. Freedom, doing work he loved and being with his family more were the most important things. Is it funny how we give up everything for something that isn't as important?
So we began pressing him on how much money he needed. He already had a side business earning decent income. So we did a fun little budget audit to determine what his family really needed for them to be free. We asked about every expense. How much are groceries each month? Insurance? Mortgage? Vehicles? Activities for the kids? Household items? Memberships and subscriptions?
We went through everything and listed them all out. We even added in a few thousand dollars extra for things we might have forgotten. David added it all up and looked confused. I have gotten used to that look after this exercise.
After he added it all up- twice- he saw that the total was about half of the salary that he was desperately hoping to replace.
"Does it feel different- and not as difficult- knowing that you need to earn half of your salary to cover your expenses to start?," I asked.
I then went in for the kill.
"You are already making sixty percent of that number with your side business. And you are doing this on nights and weekends," I explained. "If you are already making sixty percent of what you need while only dedicating a fraction of your time to the business, what could you possibly do if you made this your full time focus?"
The message, thankfully, got through. Although still hesitant, he set a date to leave his job, planned accordingly and left for his life of freedom with his family.
So often, we believe that we need more than we really do. And that untrue belief alone has been an American dream killer. We accept that just because we make a certain salary, we must replace that number to do something else. But is money the goal, or is it freedom? If it's freedom, replacing your current salary might be irrelevant.
What we really need to ask, is what do I need to begin to live the life that I want. Nothing more, nothing less. Because when you realize that that freedom will give you unlimited opportunity and possibility, there is no limit for that income once you have freedom. If you even desire that.
But to get that set, you need your fruit in order? Fruit, you ask? What is that?
Get a copy of Joe Saul-Sehy's new book Stacked- Your Super Serious Guide To Modern Money Management here!
Check out The Stacking Benjamins Show here!
How can I get my spouse on board with our money?
It's a question I am asked so often. More than 65% of millennials stated that money issues were a big strain on their relationships and according to a survey by SunTrust Bank, money is the leading cause of stress in marriages.
One of the issues is that we often have different habits when it comes to money. Opposites attract, and it's common to have one person in a relationship who is the spender, while the other is the saver. In multiple studies, it has been shows that nearly half of the marriages in the United States have very different opinions and habits on the concept of spending and saving.
Today on the Total Life Freedom Podcast, I had the pleasure to chat with Joe Saul-Sehy, the host of the wildly successful Stacking Benjamins Podcast, one of the most popular and most downloaded financial podcasts in the world today. Today is a preview of the full episode, which will release on December 28th.
In the short clip on todays show, Joe and I discuss tips and tactics on how we can get on the same page about money when it comes to our significant other. Joe shares his wisdom on the challenges that he and his with Cheryl dealt with in the early days of their marriage, including Joe blowing up their budget by purchasing video games while they were strapped with cash, having tough money conversations and struggling to make it. I know a lot of people will relate to their struggle.
Joe walks us through the habits that he and Cheryl created and developed, and how it helped them not only dig out a hole but to set themselves up for financial prosperity and becoming 'stacked' with the Benjamins. I found the entire conversation fascinating but I really loved and appreciated how they managed to turn what could be boring, tense conversations into a fun experience that they both really enjoyed.
Check out todays episode and if you want to learn how to stack your own Benjamins, go get Joe's new book, appropriately titled Stacked- Your Super Serious Guide To Modern Money Management here. And don't forget to tune in for the full conversation with Joe on December 28th.
Have an amazing Christmas Eve and try not to make your spouse angry by blowing your budget on last minute gifts tonight!
Does the idea of self promotion make you cringe? Does it make you uncomfortable to even think about going on social media to promote your stuff? If given the option to either promote yourself or drive to the dentist for an invasive root canal , would you need some time to make that decision?
If you said yes to any of these, trust me when I say that you are not alone.
This is especially the case if you are a creative entrepreneur. I joke that whenever the word creative is used in a business title, I’m fairly certain that the business is anything but creative. But the creative entrepreneur is a unique breed. We love the work that we do. We are not interested in doing nothing and living off of passive income alone- although that cash would be a nice support of our passions. But we actually like doing the work. Creative entrepreneurs take pride in the work they produce. It matters to them.
But the idea of self promotion or promoting their out work? Eeeeesh. Sit back and watch the insecurities and imposter syndrome come out. What’s funny is, these people are often great at promoting others work. They love to share the work of the people who help them. They just struggle to do it for themselves. It feels tacky. They worry of judgement from old high school friends, snide comments from their traditionally employed brother-in-law at Christmas dinner, or- even worse- their promoting being met with silence.
Why is it that so many of us love doing the work but cringe at the idea of promoting ourselves? Part of the reason, I believe, is because we have become jaded by the 'bro marketers', as my friend Greg Tosi labeled. Bro marketers are those dudes posing in front of the rented Lamborghini selling a course to make the quick cash. The ones that we know don't give a crap about their work, they are only in it for the money. And we wouldn't dare stoop to their level to be seen like that let alone act like them. At the same time, this creative entrepreneur is not only creating great work, but work that truly could help others. Yet, not enough people know about their work or how it can help them.
Jonathan Miri said something that made me reconsider my own fear of self promotion.
"If you developed the cure for cancer, would you promote it?" he asked during a mastermind call inside of the Total Life Freedom Community.
There wasn't one person who wouldn't promote that. No amount of concern for promotion would come up if we had developed the cure for cancer and we wanted to get it to to the world. But that begs the question. If we know that the cure for cancer solves a specific problem, why would we not promote something else we created that solved a different problem? Do we think it's just not as important? Not as useful?
Maybe that's the case. Maybe, not so much. What if someone doesn't have cancer but they really are in desperate need of getting their money together. What if they can't figure out how to build or grow a podcast? What if their only concern today was finding the best videographer for their daughters wedding?
And what if you created the solution to that problem? And if you did- in any niche or field- why would you not want to solve their problem? Oh, and when you solve that problem, you also will be financially compensated for it. And the more important the problem is (for them), the more you will get paid.
So it begs the question. Actually, two questions.
1) Are you creating something that actually solves someones problem? If you are- it's your obligation to let them know about it.
and
2) If your service, product or creation is not solving a problem (whether through knowledge, entertainment, services needed or whatever), it's time to rethink what you are doing. If it's more about you and less about them, that may be the reason why you are so hesitant to promote your stuff.
I discussed this topic on todays episode of The Total Life Freedom Podcast!
Have a great day!
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Also, congratulations to John Schuchman for his 100th episode of the Real Estate Survival Guide Podcast!
If you are into the world of public speaking and earning income from it, check out Kent Julian's Paid To Speak Podcast! I've personally learned and grown so much from Kent in my speakng career.
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Check out episode 843, Do You Celebrate Too Early?
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If this hit home, check out The Freedom Fund episode of the Total Life Freedom Podcast here!
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Here is the link for the Aqua Notes mentioned on todays podcast, a waterproof notepad for the shower.
Here is the link to the videos from Derek Sivers TEDX Talk about the idea of following being a form of leadership- Lessons From The Dancing Guy.
Episode 803 of the Total Life Freedom Podcast
Episode 804 of the Total Life Freedom Podcast
The Real Estate Survival Guide Podcast by John Schuchman
Go here to apply for the Total Life Freedom Mastermind Community!
And here to get John Stange's book Dwell On These Things!
Go here yo get the FREE mini course for Build Your Powerful Network! You can get it at the top of the website!
I mentioned Ben Killoy in this episode. Check out Ben's podcast, The Business of Fatherhood here.
Here is the link for Sadie Kolves book, Anything is Possible.
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Go here to join the Total Life Freedom Foundation and take advantage of the $1 trial or to apply for the Total Life Freedom Community!
Grab Andy's book Own Your Career Own Your Life here!
If you are looking for a community of generous, driven entrepreneurs to mastermind and grow with, check out The Total Life Freedom Community!
Check out the Total Life Freedom Community here and apply for one of the upcoming spots that will be opening up!
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And click here for a hilarious clip from his speech about him and his dad at church!
If you would leave a review for the Total Life Freedom podcast here, (You might need to click the Listen on Apple Podcasts link neat the top) we will be giving away free copies of Kent Sanders book The Artist's Suitcase to eight people who leave reviews!
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Here is our site! https://members.totallifefreedom.com
And here is the link to get access to 60 days of content for $1!
https://members.totallifefreedom.com/starterorderform
Here is our site! https://members.totallifefreedom.com
And here is the link to get access to 60 days of content for $1!
https://members.totallifefreedom.com/starterorderform
For a copy of the Top Ten Unexpected Benefits of Homeschooling, AND the free audio version of Freelance to Freedom, go here!
Here is a link to get the ten online classes for free from The Impact Martial Arts Academy! Use the coupon code TLF.
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Slow down! Here is the link to the TLF podcast episode, Pressure and Time. https://totallifefreedom.com/blog/ep-118-pressure-and-time
And the Youtube clip from Taxi- Slow Down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HvmtbZzA40
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We hope to see you there at 11am EST on Thursday!