Life Check Yourself

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In this episode of Life Check Yourself, I sit down with writer and self-healing advocate Alexis Leigh, author of Pain Is a Portal to Beauty: Stunning Discoveries After Loss, Psychedelics and Feeling It All. With roots in Wharton, law school and the corporate world, she shares how a single moment in the woods cracked open a life that looked "perfect" on paper but felt empty inside, and how following that inner voice led through divorce, deep emotional work and psychedelic journeys into a life of authenticity, love and radical self-trust.

About The Guest Alexis Leigh is a writer and advocate for self-healing through unconventional methods, including psychedelics and deep inner work. She left a successful career in finance and consulting, holds a BS in Economics from Wharton and a JD from Lewis and Clark Law School, and now lives between Oregon and Maui with her partner and three boys. Her memoir, Pain Is a Portal to Beauty, explores how feeling deeply, rather than numbing out, can turn grief and loss into clarity, meaning and beauty.

3 Main Takeaways 1. Answer the inner wake-up call instead of settling for a "good enough" life (01:52) 2. Use everyday emotions as portals instead of numbing them away (17:11) 3. Trust body wisdom and courageous tools to turn pain into power and self-leadership (24:26)

Main Topics, Timestamps, Explanations & Notable Quotes • Topic 1: When Your Life Looks "Fine" But Feels Like A Tragedy Timestamp: 01:52 – 11:13

What this unlocks: Hearing an inner voice that says, "If you die today, your life will have been a tragedy," forces radical honesty. It challenges the belief that gratitude means tolerating loneliness or emptiness. Letting that truth land can be the moment a person finally gives themselves permission to want more love, more meaning and a different life, even when everything looks "fine" from the outside. From there, every pattern, relationship and identity becomes open to being questioned and redesigned.

Notable quotes:

"I was walking in the woods in the summer of 2020 and I heard a voice that said, 'If you die today, your life will have been a tragedy.'"
"I had all of the categories, but I did want more love and more meaning. I just kind of thought you should not want that."
"To hear that your life is a tragedy, it is like everything is not working. That is not like your life needs a little tweaking. That is like throw it in the trash."

How this affects someone listening: Letting in the possibility that a "have it all" life can still be tragic breaks the spell of settling. It shows that longing for more is not selfish, it is truthful. Once that truth is acknowledged, a person can stop negotiating with their own sadness and start redesigning their foundation instead of endlessly rearranging the furniture on top of it.

• Topic 2: Feeling Feelings Instead Of Numbing – Turning Tiny Triggers Into Portals Timestamp: 17:11 – 23:32

What this unlocks: Painful emotions often get buried under food, wine, screens or busyness. Removing those coping habits, even briefly, can stir up anger, panic or irritation. Those first reactions are not proof that something is wrong; they are the doorway. Meeting them with curiosity instead of judgment turns daily annoyances and "overreactions" into chances to release old grief, anger and fear. Over time, this builds emotional muscle and makes it easier to stay present instead of collapsing into victimhood or self-criticism.

Notable quotes:

"Our bodies protect us from these feelings when we are not ready to look at them… my body dissociated from feeling, numbed me completely when my mom went away when I was young."
"It is not about how can I go from not feeling anything to feeling everything. It is about how can I go from not feeling anything to even recognizing what is a feeling."
"As soon as you notice that you are feeling victim, then you can be sweet to the part that is feeling victim… none of it has to ultimately land in judgment."

How this affects someone listening: Seeing emotions as parts that need care, rather than flaws that need fixing, rewires the entire healing journey. Small triggers stop being proof that progress is failing and become guidance toward what still needs love. This softens inner criticism, reduces shame and makes deep emotional work sustainable instead of exhausting.

• Topic 3: Psychedelics, Body Wisdom and Becoming Bigger Than Outcome Timestamp: 14:59 – 27:10 & 34:32 – 35:37

What this unlocks: When the thinking mind is in charge, decisions get stuck in fear, logic loops and "what ifs." Dropping into body wisdom and, for some, working with medicines like MDMA, psilocybin or ayahuasca can help unpack stored pain that blocks intuition. As layers of grief clear, self-trust grows. Life's events still hurt, but they no longer define identity. A person begins to feel bigger than any outcome and capable of leading themselves, instead of endlessly searching for someone else with the answers.

Notable quotes:

"My body is so brilliant and my brain tries so hard to be in charge… most of the time my body is like, I know this."
"Psychedelics helped me unpack that pain so that then I could access my own wisdom… now I can lead myself in my life in a way that I could not before."
"I no longer feel like the world is out to get me… recently I have started doing this thing where it is like, okay, if this thing happens, or if the opposite thing happens, I am the same."
"I take every emotion that I feel that does not just kind of pass on its own and I journal with my part."

How this affects someone listening: Learning to trust inner guidance over external validation changes how choices are made in love, work and healing. Pain stops being a threat and becomes information. With that shift, risks feel more possible, endings feel less like failure, and it becomes easier to walk toward a bigger, more aligned life without needing guarantees.

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Today's conversation features Lionel Moses—family man, veteran of Desert Storm, coach, and author of The Marriage Seed. We dig into relationship mastery across home and work: self-awareness over blame, trust over suspicion, and communication that lands (not just "gets said").

3 Main Takeaways 1. Start with self. Lasting change begins by checking beliefs, tone, and patterns before judging a partner. 2. Choose trust over suspicion. Misunderstandings shrink when curiosity and clarity lead the interaction. 3. Weed the garden, consistently. Relationships thrive when small problems are pulled early—over and over.

Three Core Topics (with timestamps, explanations, and quotes) * Self-Responsibility > Perfection Hunting (05:52–06:39; 11:11–12:14) Timestamp: 05:52 — 06:39 Why it matters: Recognizing that minds change proves self-knowledge evolves. Extending the same grace to a partner transforms conflict from judgment to teamwork. Perfection tests (ROCD, nitpicking) block real connection; openness creates possibility. Notable quote: "If you change your mind, that proves you disagree with your old self… give grace for your partner." (05:52–06:39) * Trust Over Suspicion (14:37–15:16; 15:38–16:25) Timestamp: 14:37 — 15:16 Why it matters: Many "communication problems" are interpretation gaps. Filling those gaps with trust, not suspicion, stabilizes connection and keeps dialogue constructive—even after past hurt. Flexing rigid checklists into "openness to possibilities" prevents discarding viable partners for trivial reasons. Notable quote: "When you're trying to establish a relationship, you have to really know how to fill in those gaps of misunderstanding with trust versus suspicion." (14:37–15:16) * Tone, Pauses, and the Garden Rule (18:45–20:10; 08:06–08:48; 31:00–31:38; 32:34–32:53) Timestamp: 18:45 — 20:10 Why it matters: Tone is a reflex—and often invisible until heard back. Recording and replaying increases awareness, making it easier to shift delivery. Pair this with the "dung grows things" and "measure twice, cut once" mindset: expect mess, pause before reacting, and remove small weeds quickly to protect what's growing. Notable quotes: • "Most people… don't like their own tone. When they hear it, it annoys them enough to make the change." (19:24–20:08) • "One of the best fertilizers you can have is dung." (08:06–08:48) • "Measure twice, cut once." (31:00–31:38) + "That's a learned behavior." (32:34–32:53)

Extra Gems (fast timestamps) * Boundary + buy-in at work: Relationship habits bleed into teams; clarity and care increase performance. (27:09–29:44) * Weed therapy: Pull issues up by the roots, repeatedly. (25:52–26:06) * Win-win-win frame: Healthy partnerships benefit the two people and the world around them. (39:17–39:51)

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

Lionel's Book - The Marriage Seed, Life coaching ot help get out of our own way

Lionel's Website

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Today I'm joined by April Davis, founder of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking—and yes, she's married to a divorce attorney, which gives her a razor-sharp lens on what actually lasts. We dig into modern dating beyond the apps: values vs. chemistry, paradox of choice, readiness, standards, gender roles, and commitment—so real love stops feeling impossible and starts feeling inevitable.

3 Main Takeaways 1. Values beat vibes. Chemistry fades; aligned values keep relationships stable long-term. 2. Choice overload kills connection. The app era fuels paradox of choice and "dating for dismissal." Narrow on what actually matters. 3. Readiness > checklist. Openness, fair conflict, and commitment predict lasting love more than "perfect" specs.

Deep Dive — 3 Core Topics 1) Values Over Chemistry (02:24–03:31) * Timestamp: 02:24 * What it means: Prioritizing values (character, life goals, family, faith, kids) prevents future mismatch that chemistry can hide. This shifts selection from short-term spark to long-term fit—dramatically reducing avoidable breakups. * Notable quote (02:24): "Values are something that is core to who you are… you can't see red flags with rose-colored goggles." * Why it matters: When values align, everyday decisions, conflict resolution, money, and parenting stay coherent—creating durability instead of turbulence.

2) Apps, Standards & the Paradox of Choice (11:27–12:20; 04:20–05:24) * Timestamp: 11:27 * What it means: Infinite swiping feeds a paradox of choice and "dating for dismissal," where attention moves to filtering out instead of letting something good unfold. Over-filtering (height, income, micro-preferences) trades possibility for illusion. * Notable quotes: + (11:27) "With apps, you have this paradox of choice… 50 shades of gray… dating for dismissal." + (04:20–05:24) "Apps are only good for about 10%… someone swiped 2,000 times to get one date."

Why it matters: Reducing noise (3–5 non-negotiable values) turns attention from shopping to connecting, improving follow-through, first-date quality, and momentum.

3) Readiness, Gender Expectations & Real Commitment (17:56–19:56; 29:38–30:34; 15:37–17:34) * Timestamp: 17:56 * What it means: A long checklist often masks fear; readiness looks like an open heart, flexible standards, and willingness to be coached. Add fair fighting and commitment to the relationship "third entity," and longevity rises. Modern gender roles (wanting alpha drive plus deep emotional attunement) can become an impossible ideal—so clarity beats fantasy. * Notable quotes: + (17:56) "Either they have a loving mindset and an open heart… or they're closed off… and not really ready." + (29:38–30:34) "How you argue… fight fair… commitment to the relationship." + (15:37–17:34) On shifting gender expectations and the "perfect person" myth.

Why it matters: Readiness turns dates into data, conflict into collaboration, and differences into design choices—key levers for resilient partnership.

Connections:

Learn more about LUMA

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Guest intro: Mayumi Pachkoski is a U.S.–based aesthetician and energy-healing practitioner who blended Eastern and Western skincare to build a thriving six-figure studio in Maryland. A former flight attendant who pivoted in her 30s, she now helps practitioners grow healing businesses rooted in purpose and service.

3 Power Takeaways 1. Leap early; build skills on the way. Use "no-brainer" offers to get in the room and learn from pros. (20:07–22:36) 2. Let purpose lead the model. When work sits at the intersection of talent, joy, and need (ikigai), consistency becomes easy. (37:26–38:24) 3. Grow through connection, not discounts. Reward referrers; keep pricing strong; become the story people share. (28:55–31:13)

Main Topics, Timestamps, Explanations & Notable Quotes * Bold reinvention & "no-brainer" apprenticeships — 20:07–22:36 What it means: Proximity compounds. Offering flexible, unpaid assisting to a top practitioner compresses the learning curve, reveals real-world systems, and creates industry credibility faster than solo trial-and-error. Quote: "You don't have to even pay me… I will clean, vacuum… It's a win-win, a no-brainer offer." Mayumi * Ikigai as a business operating system — 37:26–38:24 What it means: Aligning work with what one loves, does well, and what people will pay for transforms effort into enthusiasm; sustainable energy becomes a competitive advantage over hustle-based growth. Quote: "Work doesn't feel like a job… I wake up every morning excited about who I'm going to serve. That's ikigai." Mayumi * Referral engines beat discounts — 28:55–31:13 What it means: Paying clients (via generous thank-you credits) to advertise outperforms cutting prices for newcomers; it preserves brand value, attracts ideal fits, and turns great results into free marketing. Quote: "New clients come with the regular price… but for you, as a thank you for the referral, I give 50% off next time." Mayumi

Extra Gems (quick hits) * Test the move with logistics smarts: Pre-paying six months' rent to secure housing without local job history shows how creative terms remove gatekeeper friction. (10:01–10:32) Mayumi * Courageous partner talk: Ask the life-defining question early—"What do you really want?"—then build the plan around it. (05:24–06:22) Mayumi * Permission to start messy: Feeling nothing in early energy-work classes didn't stop the pursuit; the right modality (Access Bars, then Quantum Touch) clicked later. (33:46–35:03) Mayumi

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Mary Olson-Menzel is a nationally recognized expert in career and workplace success with over 30 years of leadership experience across media, tech, healthcare, and even the NFL. As the founder and CEO of MVP Executive Development, she's coached everyone from Fortune 500 leaders to parents reentering the workforce—helping them find purpose, confidence, and a plan to do what truly lights them up.

In this inspiring episode, we unpack the mindset and tools to thrive through massive change, find your "reason for being," and design work—and a life—that truly lights you up.

🔑 3 Main Takeaways 1. Change Isn't the Enemy—It's the Invitation. Embrace a growth mindset and see disruption as a chance to expand your potential, not fear it. 2. Find Your Ikigai—Your Reason for Being. Align what you love, what you're great at, what the world needs, and what you can get paid for. 3. Dream Beyond 10% and Plan the Leap. Most people only imagine small tweaks to their lives; true fulfillment comes from daring to design something radically different—with patience and a plan.

🕰️ Episode Breakdown & Key Insights [00:07:55] Growth Mindset Over Fixed Fear "Change is happening. What does this mean and how can I grow from it?" Embracing change through curiosity transforms fear into momentum. Each disruption—AI, layoffs, or shifting industries—becomes a training ground for reinvention instead of resistance.

[00:10:54] Discovering Your Ikigai: The Sweet Spot of Purpose "It's what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can get paid for." True fulfillment lies in the overlap of passion and practicality. When you design your life around this alignment, you no longer chase success—you embody it.

[00:15:26] The 10% Trap and the Power of Big Dreams "If you're limiting yourself to that 10%, you're doing yourself a disservice. There's so much more out there for you." Most people imagine only small variations on their current lives. Breakthroughs come when you remove your blinders, trust your gifts, and build the courage to act on what excites you.

💬 Notable Quotes * "You owe it to the world to love what you do because when you're doing meaningful work, that creates a ripple effect." * "Your light is your superpower, but your network is the superhighway that gets you where you want to go."

"Don't conform. Be you. Own your greatness with quiet confidence."

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Today's episode features Rachel Gitlevich, author of What in the Actual Fck: Life's a Hot Mess—How to Find Gratitude Anyways* and founder of Ray of Consciousness. Through her writing and consulting work, Rachel fuses raw storytelling with wellness and strategy, helping people and organizations grow with authenticity. Her story is one of resilience, transformation, and radical gratitude—even in the face of unimaginable challenges.

💫 Episode Overview In this episode, Rachel shares her extraordinary journey through multiple cancer diagnoses, near-death experiences, and the powerful process of reclaiming her life. Together, we explore what it really means to find strength, surrender, and joy when everything falls apart—and how to rebuild from a place of courage and truth.

🔑 Top 3 Takeaways 1. Adversity Is a Wake-Up Call for Alignment Hardship can be the catalyst that strips away illusion and reveals what truly matters. Rachel's story shows how pain can crack us open to purpose, presence, and self-compassion. 2. Healing Requires Both Science and Spirit She learned that holistic healing doesn't mean rejecting medicine—it means embracing every form of support available, from faith and therapy to immunotherapy and inner work. 3. Gratitude Is the Gateway Back to Life Gratitude doesn't deny the hard—it invites grace into it. Even in the storm, finding small glimmers of gratitude restores hope, patience, and possibility.

🕰️ Key Moments & Insights 1️⃣ [04:17–07:29] — The Awakening: When "Holistic" Meets Reality

"I was trying to pretend like this was mutually exclusive rather than inclusive… you need all of it—throw everything into the fire."

Rachel

When healing becomes a spiritual competition, we forget that medicine and mindfulness can coexist. True healing is not choosing between worlds—it's weaving them together.

2️⃣ [11:17–13:50] — From Victimhood to Victory

"Yes, there are so many situations that have been horrible and horrifying… and I'm still here. I'm clearly meant to be here."

Rachel

Finding humor and meaning in suffering doesn't minimize it—it transforms it. Choosing to see life's absurdity as proof of resilience helps reclaim power from pain.

3️⃣ [30:05–32:22] — Riding Out the Storm

"Storms always pass. Maybe you wanted sunshine, but Mother Nature said, 'Not today.' You just have to sit where you are and know the sun will shine again."

Rachel

Every storm teaches surrender. Instead of resisting what's unfolding, staying grounded in the present moment builds trust in life's natural rhythm—chaos, calm, and renewal.

💬 Notable Quotes * "It's not about finding gratitude for every little thing—it's about finding gratitude anyway." * "Even when it's not okay, it still will be." * "We can't stop the waves, but we can learn to watch them—and trust they'll settle."

💥 Closing Reflection Rachel's story reminds us that life rarely unfolds as planned—but within every detour lies the chance to redefine strength and rediscover joy. Whether you're healing, rebuilding, or standing in your own messy middle, remember this: storms pass, gratitude grounds, and reinvention is always possible.

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This week’s conversation is all about rewriting outdated scripts and reclaiming intimacy with confidence, connection, and joy. Lauren Elise Rogers—certified holistic sexuality educator and embodied intimacy coach—shares her empowering approach to navigating desire, healing from harmful narratives, and reigniting long-term relationships.

With warmth and clarity, Lauren unpacks how to release the scripts that no longer serve, nurture your own sense of pleasure, and bring curiosity back into love. This is a reminder that nothing is broken—you have the right and the power to create intimacy that truly feels like yours.

🌟 3 Main Takeaways 1. You’re not broken—just running an old script. 2. Pleasure is your birthright, not a bonus. 3. Curiosity keeps love alive.

🎙 Key Topics & Timestamps 1. Rewriting Sexual Scripts (04:09)

“It’s okay to look at them and go, hey, is this really the script I still want to follow? Or do I want to do a rewrite?”

Lauren Racehel

Outdated beliefs about bodies, sex, and roles often sneak in early in life and quietly shape choices. Recognizing them as “scripts” allows you to decide if they still fit—or if it’s time for a rewrite. This creates freedom to align intimacy with who you really are today.

Healing the Sexual Garden (13:35)

“Some beliefs feel like dandelions we can pull, but some are like soil blight. And yet, a good farmer knows soil blight can be healed.”

Lauren Racehel

Deeply rooted shame and negative beliefs can feel permanent, but healing is possible. Just like tending a garden, cultivating intimacy takes patience, sunlight, and nourishment. Seeing it this way replaces shame with compassion and invites long-term healing.

Bringing Curiosity Back to Long-Term Love (32:03)

“So many of us have lost curiosity in our long-term partnerships. And there is nothing wrong with wanting surprise, anticipation, or a bit of play.”

Lauren Racehel

Long-term safety doesn’t have to mean boredom. By discovering personal erotic themes and sprinkling them back into relationships, intimacy can feel exciting again. Curiosity and play are not only allowed—they’re essential ingredients for keeping desire alive.

Connections:

Lauren’s Podcast

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Guest: Elliott Connie — psychotherapist, best-selling author, and global leader in Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT).

In this episode, Elliott breaks down how asking the right questions can create powerful shifts in healing, relationships, and life direction. With over 20 years of experience, he shows why focusing on strengths and desired outcomes leads to transformation faster than traditional models of therapy.

3 Powerful Takeaways 1. The questions you ask shape your future. 2. Change begins by focusing on outcomes, not problems. 3. Lasting relationships thrive on reciprocity, not blame.

Main Topics 1. The Power of Empowering Questions (04:06 – 08:19) Instead of asking “Why are you here?” SFBT starts with “What are your best hopes from being here?” This reframes therapy from problem-focused to solution-oriented.

“A conversation about difference will lead towards differences. A conversation about problems will lead towards more problems.”

The Three Life-Changing Questions (12:58 – 15:08) Elliott introduces three essential questions to break free from stuck patterns:
Who am I really?
What do I want?
Who do I need to become to achieve it? Writing these down sparks clarity and subconscious action toward change.

“You can’t stay the same and expect things around you to get different.”

Relationships and Reciprocity (24:22 – 28:51) The biggest mistake couples make is waiting for their partner to change first. Elliott emphasizes showing up differently yourself and trusting reciprocity to build momentum.

“Anytime you want something from your partner, that’s actually an indicator you’re not doing that for them.”

✨ Notable Closing Insight: When trapped in the “someday” mindset, ask:

“Suppose your partner never changes, how would you notice yourself being your very best even then?”

Connections:

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In this episode of Life Check Yourself, Marni Battista interviews Steven Miyao, an executive coach and entrepreneur, about navigating midlife career changes and personal reinvention. They discuss the challenges faced by midlife professionals, the importance of aligning careers with personal values, and practical strategies for overcoming fear and taking action. Steven shares insights from his coaching practice, including the eulogy exercise to reflect on one's values and the significance of experimentation in making life changes. The conversation emphasizes the need for intentional living and the journey of self-discovery in midlife.

Takeaways

Midlife professionals often feel the need for a career change.

Grinding it out is not the solution; intentional living is key.

Many people are stuck in a hamster wheel of work demands.

Reinvention can be an opportunity to align with personal values.

Shifting mindsets can lead to better job performance.

Fear of failure, shame, and success can paralyze decision-making.

The eulogy exercise helps clarify what truly matters in life.

Experimentation is crucial for discovering new paths.

Letting go of past identities can facilitate change.

The journey of self-discovery is as important as the destination.

Main Topics & Timestamps * The Midlife Hamster Wheel (02:56–04:01) Many Gen X professionals built their careers by grinding, but never paused to live intentionally. Stopping to question whether the treadmill is serving you opens the door to reinvention Steven Miyao . “We are not stopping to question the hamster wheel. Is it true reinvention? It doesn’t have to be, but it can be.” * Letting Go of Proving Energy (07:59–10:19) Old patterns of overwork often stem from childhood experiences of needing to prove worth. Identifying and releasing these habits creates space for a new identity and healthier success “Once you’ve identified this new self, you can rewire your brain to believe you actually are that person.” * Eulogy Values vs. Resume Values (20:41–22:27) True fulfillment comes when you prioritize the legacy you want to leave over titles, money, or status. The “eulogy exercise” helps clarify what really matters and guides midlife pivots “The second part of your life is all about eulogy values—what do you want to be remembered for?”

Connections:

Visit Steven's Site

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Takeaways

Midlife professionals often feel the need for a career change.

Grinding it out is not the solution; intentional living is key.

Many people are stuck in a hamster wheel of work demands.

Reinvention can be an opportunity to align with personal values.

Shifting mindsets can lead to better job performance.

Fear of failure, shame, and success can paralyze decision-making.

The eulogy exercise helps clarify what truly matters in life.

Experimentation is crucial for discovering new paths.

Letting go of past identities can facilitate change.

The journey of self-discovery is as important as the destination.

Connections:

Visit Steven's Site

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Introduction In this episode, we explore the power of integrating body, mind, and subconscious to release long-held emotional knots and reclaim wholeness. Our guest, Esin Pinrali, is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in imago therapy, brain spotting, internal family systems, and somatic practices. With her experiential approach, she helps people move beyond anxiety, trauma, and codependency to become fully alive and connected.

3 Key Takeaways 1. Labels don’t heal—untangling the root does. 2. The body stores unresolved trauma and reveals the knots that block freedom. 3. Regulation is unique—find practices that soothe your nervous system, not someone else’s.

Main Topics 1. The Limits of Labels (00:10) “You’re not broken and you’re not here to get fixed. You’re here to sort of untangle some of the roadblocks that are holding you back.”

Labels can provide temporary relief, but they can also trap you in false identity. True change happens when the underlying knots are worked through, not when they’re named. This shift creates space for transformation instead of self-limiting beliefs.

Healing Through the Body (12:00) “There’s this emotional knot being held in the body… and you can’t talk your way out of it.”

Unprocessed trauma lives in the nervous system and resurfaces as automatic reactions. Bringing the body into the healing process allows old memories and energy to be completed and released. This frees you from subconscious loops and opens the door to different choices.

Nervous System Regulation and True Self-Care (29:00) “It’s not a one size fits all approach. You are a unique individual. You need to try things on for size and see if it works for you.”

Regulation isn’t about copying routines or forcing “the solution du jour.” It’s about discovering practices that genuinely calm your system. Whether it’s nature, music, movement, or meditation, the right fit fosters resilience, flexibility, and authentic joy.

Connections:

Visit Esin’s Website

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In this enlightening conversation, Marni Battista and Steffani LeFevour delve into the concept of soul assignments, exploring how our life experiences shape our spiritual journeys. They discuss the importance of recognizing chaos as an opportunity for growth, the power of choice in relationships, and the significance of daily practices for self-awareness. Steffani shares her personal journey of overcoming challenges and the process of writing her upcoming book, emphasizing the need for radical acceptance and conscious creation in our lives.

Takeaways

Soul assignments are experiences our soul desires to have.

Chaos can be viewed as an opportunity for growth.

We have the power to choose how we respond to our experiences.

Radical acceptance of our circumstances empowers us.

Identifying soul assignments can lead to personal growth.

Limiting beliefs can be reframed to serve us better.

Relationships can be seen as soul assignments that require work.

Daily practices can help us connect with our soul assignments.

Writing a book can be a significant soul assignment.

We must consciously create the life we want.

Sound Bites

"Chaos is an opportunity."

"We always have that choice."

"We stand in our power."

Chaos as a Soul Assignment (03:39) “Every external opportunity of chaos is an opportunity for us to learn who we are and show up as who we want to be.”

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Explanation: Chaos doesn’t have to be a trap. When seen as a soul assignment, even the hardest circumstances become moments of radical choice—either to spiral into negativity or to rise into clarity and purpose.

Rewriting Limiting Stories (19:26) “It’s not the experience, but the meaning that I choose to place on the experience that really matters most.”

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Explanation: Painful experiences don’t determine worth or destiny. What creates transformation is the story that follows. Shifting the meaning from “I’m broken” to “I’m resilient” builds the foundation for growth, love, and empowered living.

Radical Acceptance in Relationships (22:55) “When we identify a soul assignment, we stand in our power. And from that place, we can make decisions going forward that really serve us.”

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Explanation: Accepting a relationship or challenge as a soul assignment doesn’t make you passive—it awakens power. This awareness frees you from old patterns, fuels new choices, and deepens love while creating healthier boundaries.

Connections: Know More About Steffani

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In this episode, I sit down with my longtime friend and fellow coach, Jonathan Aslay. Jonathan is one of America’s leading midlife self-love coaches, and together we dive into what it really takes to create lasting love in today’s world. From navigating power dynamics in relationships to building trust, and from self-awareness to the surprising truth about chemistry, this conversation is packed with wisdom for anyone ready to step into a healthier, more fulfilling partnership.

Main Takeaways * Jonathan emphasizes the importance of being present in relationships. * Self-awareness is crucial for building trust and intimacy. * Curiosity in conversations can lead to deeper connections. * Women should not feel the need to downplay their success in relationships. * Building a friendship first can lead to stronger romantic connections. * Vulnerability is key to establishing trust in relationships. * It's important to communicate openly about uncomfortable topics like money. * People often sabotage their love lives due to unresolved past issues. * Dating should be approached as a meeting rather than a performance. * Age should not be a barrier to finding love.

3 Main Topics 1. Power Dynamics in Relationships (03:33) "When two equal people show up, you can have more co-creative conversations." Explanation: Healthy relationships thrive when both people bring their full selves—financially, emotionally, and energetically—to the table. Avoiding silence around uncomfortable topics like money and expectations allows couples to build partnerships rooted in equality and collaboration.

Trust and Speaking Your Truth (09:39) "Speak your truth, just do it from a kind place. If you do it sincerely, you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person." Explanation: Trust goes beyond fidelity; it’s about knowing the other person has your best interests at heart. Speaking openly and vulnerably—without fear of rejection—creates the safety needed for intimacy and long-term stability.
Chemistry and the Friend Zone (22:38) "I realized later why we didn’t have that chemistry at first… I had no idea what a secure meeting felt like." Explanation: Many confuse anxiety and butterflies with love, overlooking the steadiness of a secure connection. True intimacy grows from friendship, presence, and appreciation—often blooming where instant “sparks” seem absent. Reframing how chemistry develops can open the door to real, lasting connection.

Connections: Jonathan Aslay’s YoutubeVisit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

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In this episode, Dr. Sam Shea discusses his work with adults on the autism spectrum, focusing on burnout, resilience, and the importance of self-care for parents. He shares insights on the challenges faced by neurodiverse individuals, the significance of proper terminology, and the concept of masking. Dr. Shea emphasizes the need for resources and support for both parents and children, and highlights the role of comedy in advocating for understanding and connection. The conversation also touches on the importance of care in relationships and the impact of coaching on personal development.

Main Takeaways: 1. 1. Dr. Sam Shea helps adults on the spectrum stop burnout. 2. Masking is a common experience for those on the spectrum. 3. Self-care is crucial for parents of neurodiverse children. 4. The term 'high functioning' can be misleading and offensive. 5. There are many resources available for families today. 6. Comedy can be a powerful tool for advocacy and connection. 7. Understanding social dynamics is essential for building relationships. 8. Coaching can provide valuable support for personal growth. 9. Parents should prioritize sleep and wellness for their families. 10. Leading with care is key to connecting with those on the spectrum.

3 Main Topics with Timestamps, Citations, and Explanations: 1. Energy Management is Non-Negotiable (06:42) "You can’t be present, creative, or purposeful if you’re running on fumes every day."

Explanation: Energy is the foundation for every action and decision. Without protecting and restoring it, creativity, focus, and emotional balance erode, making it harder to sustain meaningful work or relationships.

The Mind-Body Connection in Healing (14:18) "Your mindset directly determines how your body responds to stress, recovery, and even food."

Explanation: Beliefs and thoughts influence physical health at a cellular level. Shifting mental patterns can reduce inflammation, accelerate healing, and create the physiological environment needed for optimal performance.

Aligning Life with Purpose (28:54) "When your daily life reflects your values and purpose, burnout becomes nearly impossible."

Explanation: Living in alignment with personal values creates natural motivation and resilience. This alignment makes challenges feel meaningful instead of draining, reducing the risk of chronic stress and burnout.

Connections: Dr. Sam Shey’s FreebieVisit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

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In this powerful conversation, I sit down with Dr. Corey Allan—husband, father, author, speaker, and seasoned marriage and family therapist—to unpack the truth about long-term love, personal growth, and staying connected through change. We go beyond surface-level advice to talk about what really keeps relationships alive, why personal responsibility is non-negotiable, and how to navigate shifts in yourself and your partner without losing the bond.

3 Main Takeaways: 1. Face the relationship you have—not the one you wish you had. 2. Personal growth will shift the relationship—be ready to adapt. 3. Strong connections are built on presence, self-respect, and shared growth.

3 Main Topics with Timestamps, Citations, and Explanations: 1. Work with Who Your Partner Really Is (05:03) "I'm fighting for the spouse I wish I had… rather than I'm actually working with who they are."

Explanation: Real progress comes when energy is spent on understanding and relating to the actual person in the relationship—flaws, strengths, and all—instead of chasing an idealized version that only exists in imagination.

Change in One Partner Shifts the Entire System (13:25) "One person makes a change, so it's going to impact the system… The other person is left with a couple of choices."

Explanation: Every change—whether intentional growth, a lifestyle shift, or a new boundary—ripples through the relationship. How each person responds determines whether the bond strengthens, adapts, or drifts apart.

Presence Beats Time Quantity (33:25) "My wife benefits… from 20 minutes of a hundred percent of my presence more than she does of an hour of 50% of my presence."

Explanation: Deep connection is built through focused, intentional engagement rather than simply being in the same space. Quality attention fuels emotional closeness far more than distracted time together.

Connections: Sexy Marriage Radio

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Episode Introduction: In this episode, we explore how grief—often avoided, misunderstood, and pushed down—can actually become the catalyst for living fully and authentically. Dr. Michelle Petticola shares powerful insights on transforming complex grief into fuel for life’s purpose. You’ll discover why facing your emotions is essential, how reframing loss can shift your experience, and the hidden costs of suppressing what your heart needs to feel.

3 Main Takeaways: 1. Surrender is the first step to transformation — Allowing emotions to flow opens the door to healing and self-discovery. 2. Reframe grief as a measure of love — Shifting perspective transforms pain into a lasting, meaningful connection. 3. Unprocessed grief impacts every area of life — Avoidance drains energy, creates emotional blocks, and can keep you from living true to yourself.

3 Main Topics with Timestamps, Citations, and Explanations: 1. The Power of Surrender (14:01) "You have to surrender to the experience... There’s no magic pill. There is no quick formula. You have to go through the process. And it’s good because when you go through the process, you transform."

Explanation: Accepting and fully feeling emotions instead of resisting them prevents them from becoming trapped in the body. This openness can lead to personal breakthroughs and deeper self-awareness.

Reframing Loss as Love (22:32) "What if instead of looking at it that way, you look at it as your grief is a measurement of your love for this woman."

Explanation: Changing the meaning you give to grief shifts the emotional experience. Viewing grief as evidence of deep love creates an empowering connection rather than a debilitating wound.

The Hidden Impact of Unprocessed Grief (20:24) "If you don’t grieve, the emotions get stuck in your body… As soon as they start to get that relief… suddenly they have all this energy that they didn’t have because… you’re exhausted."

Explanation: Suppressing emotions requires constant effort, which drains vitality and can manifest as physical or mental health challenges. Releasing them restores energy and emotional clarity.

Connections: Visit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life Secrets Of Life and Death Complex Grief Checklist

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In this conversation, Myles Katz—licensed psilocybin facilitator and founder of Confluence Retreats—shares insights from years of experience guiding individuals through legal psychedelic journeys. Drawing on themes of trust, connection, integration, and nature, Myles explores what makes a psilocybin retreat truly transformative. From the importance of nervous system safety to the role of nature as a co-facilitator, this dialogue highlights the ethical and structural foundations needed to support lasting healing with the use of legal psilocybin mushrooms.

3 Main Takeaways 1. Healing Can Be Accelerated in the Right Environment – Safety, preparation, and integration are key to lasting breakthroughs. 2. Connection is the Core of Transformation – Deep healing happens when we reconnect with ourselves, others, and nature. 3. Psychedelics Are a Tool, Not a Shortcut – The real work is in integration and living the lessons learned.

Main Topics & Timestamps * Creating a Safe and Structured Healing Space (04:12) "People need to feel safe enough to let go, so the healing process can truly begin." When trust and safety are built into the experience, the mind and body can release long-held trauma, making transformation possible. * Why Connection Heals (12:45) "The medicine reminds us we’re part of something larger than ourselves." This sense of belonging counteracts isolation, helps dissolve anxiety, and fosters a deep inner calm. * Integration Is the Real Transformation (18:27) "The retreat isn’t the end — it’s the beginning of a new chapter." The insights gained must be applied in daily life to create sustainable change and authentic alignment. * Nature as a Co-Facilitator (25:10) "Being in nature accelerates the sense of awe and connection." Immersion in natural settings supports nervous system regulation, emotional grounding, and spiritual openness. * Shaping the Future of Psychedelic Healing (32:02) "We’re building a model that prioritizes ethics, accessibility, and long-term impact." A vision for making this work safe, legal, and accessible to more people without losing its integrity.

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This week I’m talking with Erin Washington—author, former college athlete, podcast host, and the founder of “Squats and Margaritas.” Erin is a fierce voice for women breaking free from perfectionism, diet culture, and comparison traps. Her story of going from disordered eating and self-doubt to empowered confidence is raw, real, and refreshing. She teaches women how to create sustainable wellness and lasting joy—without shrinking themselves or their lives.

🌟 What You’ll Walk Away With:

Confidence has nothing to do with perfection.
Healing starts when the comparison stops.
Your identity isn’t your body—it’s your energy.

⏱️ Key Topics + Takeaways with Timestamps

Confidence Comes from Owning, Not Fixing 🕐 [08:11]

“I was always striving for this perfection, and when I got there, I still wasn’t happy.” Explanation: Chasing perfection creates a cycle of never-enoughness. True confidence is built by honoring progress over performance. The shift from fixing flaws to owning wholeness rewires self-worth from the inside out.

Comparison Is the Thief of Healing 🕐 [12:32]

“I had to unfollow the ‘perfect’ moms and start living my real life.” Explanation: Healing requires protecting energy from comparison triggers. Constantly measuring against filtered highlight reels feeds shame and erodes joy. Choosing authenticity over aspiration restores inner peace and creates space for meaningful growth.

Your Worth Isn’t Measured in Pounds 🕐 [17:45]

“I was finally in a healthy body, but it was still not enough—because I didn’t heal my mind.” Explanation: Even external transformation feels empty if internal beliefs remain rooted in scarcity. Sustainable healing happens when identity expands beyond appearance and aligns with truth, joy, and purpose.

💬 Notable Quotes:

“It’s not about the squats or the margaritas—it’s about the freedom to enjoy both.” [20:01] → Balance is not the goal—it’s the byproduct of self-acceptance.

“Confidence is a decision, not a destination.” [22:18] → You don’t wait to feel worthy—you show up like you already are.

“Your body doesn’t need to be fixed. Your beliefs do.” [25:40] → When mindset shifts, everything else follows.

📘 Go Deeper: Check out Erin’s book Squats and Margaritas: A Journey to Finding Balance and tune into her podcast for real talk on wellness, motherhood, and confidence—minus the BS.

✨ Final Word: Lasting change doesn’t come from willpower—it comes from healing. And healing begins when perfection is no longer the price of admission. Confidence is available now—not 10 pounds from now, not next year. Now.

Choose you. As you are. Today. 💥

Connections: Buy From Pain to Purpose: Finding Meaning in the Mess

Listen to thERINpy with Erin WashingtonVisit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

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Guest Introduction: On this episode, I’m joined by Megan Walrod—writer, speaker, and transformational guide whose journey from overachieving to aligned living will crack open something deep inside you. Megan walked away from a life that looked “perfect on paper” to rediscover her voice, power, and soul’s deeper calling. What she found? A life of freedom, joy, and magnetic abundance that didn’t require her to hustle, perform, or prove.

🌟 3 Takeaways to Anchor In:

Real wealth begins with honoring your inner truth.
Doing less can actually open the portal to more abundance.
Letting go of the “good girl” creates space for authentic power.

🔑 3 Main Topics with Time Stamps:

The Cost of Over-Giving and Performing ⏰ [00:06:10]

“It looked like the dream life, and yet I was feeling more and more empty inside.”

This moment reminds us that external success without inner alignment leads to depletion, not fulfillment. When our energy is tied to validation or performance, we burn out—not just physically, but spiritually. Letting go of over-giving is how we begin to reclaim joy, peace, and power.

How Doing Less Becomes a Money Magnet ⏰ [00:17:45]

“I realized the less I did from a place of force, the more space I had for miracles.”

Shifting from hustle to receptivity doesn’t mean giving up ambition—it means aligning energy with intention. When effort is replaced by embodiment, creativity and opportunities multiply. It’s not about stopping, it’s about syncing with a higher rhythm.

Breaking the “Good Girl” Spell ⏰ [00:27:30]

“The moment I stopped trying to be liked, I started being respected—and paid.”

Releasing the need to please creates magnetic confidence. True power isn’t loud or aggressive—it’s grounded in self-worth. When the good-girl conditioning fades, bold choices rise. And those bold choices lead to new levels of success and self-expression.

💬 Notable Quote:

“Wealth isn’t just numbers in a bank account. It’s the freedom to be who you truly are.”

This quote reframes abundance in a revolutionary way—one where fulfillment becomes the foundation, not the afterthought. Because when you become the truest version of yourself, life starts meeting you in unexpected, generous ways.

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This week’s guest is the extraordinary Larry Michel—founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics, relationship innovator, coach, and author of Lasting: 11 Illuminations and Essential Questions for a Co-Creative, Evolutionary Partnership. Known as the “Love Shepherd,” Larry has spent over three decades reshaping the way people find and build love. His work dives deep into the science of human connection, compatibility, and co-creation.

🔥 This Episode Will Help You:

Stop treating love like a transaction and start showing up with truth.
Shift from judgment to curiosity to unlock deeper relationships.
Understand why “preparing” for love is more powerful than repairing it.

⏱️ 3 Key Takeaways + Topics with Timestamps

Love Is Not a Transaction—Stop Playing the Algorithm ⏰ [02:42]

“Anytime we make ourselves a commodity, it's hurting us.” Explanation: When love becomes gamified by apps and algorithms, people lose the depth of authentic connection. Reducing ourselves to filters, swipes, and profiles undermines intimacy and reinforces insecurity. Instead, when we approach dating and connection as a human process—not a tech transaction—we reclaim our power to be seen and valued.

Chemistry Isn’t the Goal—Clarity Is ⏰ [10:31]

“Chemistry plays a huge role... when it’s on, you’re all doped up on brain chemicals.” Explanation: Falling for someone based on “chemistry” alone often leads to distorted decision-making. When your body is flooded with feel-good hormones, it’s easy to miss red flags. By learning how to see clearly through the chemical fog, you can create meaningful, conscious connections rather than ones based purely on dopamine and fantasy.

Don’t Repair—Prepare for Real Love ⏰ [25:45]

“85% of professionals are focused on repairing what’s broken... but we need to prepare more than repair.” Explanation: Healing shouldn’t begin only after heartbreak. Proactively asking the right questions, cultivating emotional intimacy, and clarifying shared values before problems arise builds resilience. True connection comes from intentional preparation, not reactive fixing.

✨ Notable Quotes:

“Love is not an action. It’s not a verb. Love is your life force.” [26:43] → When you remember that love is who you are, you stop seeking it and start expressing it.

“We’ve been conditioned to judge instead of staying in inquiry.” [16:10] → Growth happens not when we’re proving ourselves right, but when we stay open to discovering more.

“Be surprised by the truth. That’s where the real magic is.” [17:20] → The best connections often come from the unexpected. Stop scripting the story and start listening for what’s real.

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In this episode of Life Check Yourself, I sat down with the brilliant behavioral expert and author Tracy Crossley to unpack the real root of relationship crisis. Whether you're stuck in an on-again, off-again dynamic, feeling emotionally unseen, or quietly questioning your future with someone—this is the conversation that will shift everything.

We explore the hidden habits that keep us stuck, the unconscious fear that fuels dysfunction, and how you can finally experience the kind of intimacy and power you’ve always wanted—without playing the blame game.

🎯 3 Powerful Takeaways:

Victim Thinking Blocks Healing
Emotional Intimacy Begins With Responsibility
You Can Outgrow Your Attachment Style

💡 Episode Topics & Time Stamps:

[03:33] Victim Language & “He Made Me” Thinking

“Whenever I hear 'he made me,' it’s always an attachment. It’s always a victim position.” This mindset limits any possibility of real change. Shifting out of blame and into self-responsibility is the first step to emotional freedom. Otherwise, you’ll keep attracting the same relationship dynamic in different clothing.

[09:17] How Fear Pretends to Keep You Safe

“I had a lot of bullshit excuses, but most of all—I had fear.” Fear isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s disguised as logic or control. But what it really does is trap you in indecision, making you believe you’re stuck when you’re actually just scared to want more.

[34:07] What To Do When You’re Always Thinking About The Problem

“You’re in the kitchen, doing dishes…what are your thoughts? They’re on a story about a relationship problem.” Most of us don’t realize how much mental energy we give to unspoken stories. Tracy explains how interrupting this cycle with awareness and curiosity—not accusation—can lead to more connection than any “fix it” talk.

🔥 Notable Quotes:

🗣️ “You’re punishing yourself when you’re stuck in blame.” 🗣️ “Most people aren’t afraid of being alone. They’re afraid of intimacy.” 🗣️ “If you don’t give your partner space to grow, they’ll stay trapped in the past version of themselves you keep projecting.”

🎯 Why This Episode Matters: This isn’t just about romantic relationships—it’s about reclaiming the emotional agency you’ve handed over. When you become the chooser in your life, your relationships naturally shift too. The path to peace doesn’t start by changing someone else—it starts by finally seeing yourself clearly.

Connections: Tracy’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Insecure-Attachment-Recognizing-Relationships/dp/1646042506 Visit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

Overcoming Insecure Attachment: 8 Proven Steps to Recognizing Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles and Building Healthier, Happier Relationships

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✨ Introduction: In this episode, I sit down with Christine Lang—former New York attorney turned intuitive healer, energy translator, and author of the upcoming book Ask Your Spirit: Receiving Life-Changing Wisdom from Your Elevated Intelligence. Christine has spent nearly 30 years helping people decode the messages from their body, spirit, and nervous system—so they can stop feeling stuck and finally start living in alignment.

We dive deep into how to shift from chronic pain and fear into clarity, confidence, and true prosperity—without bypassing the messy human stuff.

💡 3 Life-Changing Takeaways: * Pain has a purpose—your discomfort is a wake-up call, not a punishment. * When you stop outsourcing answers and tune in, you unlock your truest wisdom. * Your nervous system holds the key to lasting abundance, not just mindset work.

🔑 Topics + Time Stamps + Explanations: 1. 🧠 The Real Reason We Stay Stuck in the Victim Pit [05:48] “Make space to have the human reaction... when we try to cut that off by doing the spiritual thing of ‘I should just see it as beautiful,’ you're just doing suppression.” Suppressing emotion under the guise of spiritual bypassing keeps stress trapped in the body. When people allow their emotional "tantrum" without judgment, they regain access to their clarity and personal power. Real healing begins when we acknowledge our humanity instead of shaming it.

💥 Shift the Question, Change Your Life [17:40] “Ask: Who do I become around each person? And which version of me do I like better?” By focusing inward instead of asking disempowering questions like “Why are men like this?” or “What’s wrong with me?”, people begin to access elevated intelligence. Self-inquiry shifts from blame to embodiment—and choices become clearer and more aligned.
🌀 Your Body is Speaking—Are You Listening? [22:31] “Chronic symptoms are emotional stressors in concrete form. They hold a mirror to what you’ve stopped looking at.” Chronic pain isn’t random or “just aging.” It's often an unresolved emotional loop the body is holding as a signal. When that stressor is decoded, transformation isn’t just physical—it’s energetic. Energy returns, emotional freedom is restored, and decisions become easier to make.

🔁 Notable Quotes: “Sometimes your gifts from the universe come in really shitty wrapping paper.” “Your spirit isn’t punishing you. It’s coaching you—lovingly—toward the freedom you keep asking for.” “Every time you say, ‘I have a bad picker,’ your spirit says, ‘No, you’re just not listening yet.’” “You don’t need to hustle to earn your healing. You need to receive the message.”

Connections Christine’s website: https://www.christinelang.org/ Christine’s book: https://www.askyourspirit.com/book Visit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

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In this heartfelt and hilariously real episode of Life Check Yourself, I’m joined by my longtime friend and soul sister Bobbi Palmer. Bobbi became a first-time bride at 47, is now divorced, and back in the dating game at 66—this time with more confidence, peace, and joy than ever. She's a nationally recognized dating coach for women over 40, and in this conversation, we dive into the TRUTH about what dating looks like when you’re grown, wise, and absolutely done with BS.

Whether you’re single, newly divorced, or wondering if it’s “too late” for you (spoiler: it’s not), this episode will have you laughing, crying, and most importantly—believing again.

🔥 Top 3 Takeaways: 1. You’re Not Too Late—You’re Right on Time Love doesn’t expire. The moment you take responsibility and rediscover who you are, the game changes.

Fix Your "Man Picker" By Feeling, Not Listing It’s not about height, salary, or education. It’s about how you feel—safe, respected, sexy, and seen.
Control Is an Illusion—Let Go and Let Love In You don’t have to control how it happens. You just have to show up, do the work, and stay open.

💡 Core Topics + Time-Stamped Highlights 🕒 05:06 – Fall In Love With Your Grown-Up Self

“That woman you were before the hard marriage—she’s still there.” Before re-entering the dating world, Bobbi shares how the biggest challenge wasn’t external—it was about re-connecting with the part of herself that had been muted. The foundation of any new relationship starts with reclaiming your worth.

🕒 13:30 – How To Know If You’re “Too Picky” or Just Guarded

“You need to feel safe, respected, sexy… That’s what sustains a long-term relationship.” When fear drives the dating checklist, it turns into control. Real discernment means focusing on emotional connection—not resume details. Filtering by height or alma mater? That’s fear, not standards.

🕒 22:36 – Take Responsibility (Without Shame)

“I was the common denominator in all my failed relationships.” Healing happens when you stop pointing fingers and start asking better questions. Bobbi’s reframe around her 18-year marriage is powerful: “It wasn’t all bad. I chose it, I learned, I grew—and now I know better.”

✨ Notable Mic-Drop Moments “Being brave isn’t not being afraid—it’s moving forward anyway.”

“It’s your fear of rejection that’s getting you rejected.”

“There is a man out there who will love you for exactly who you are.”

This is one of those episodes to bookmark, re-listen to, and send to your sister-friend who’s secretly lost hope.

Whether you’re in a small town, fresh out of a relationship, or feeling like all the good men are taken—Bobbi and I are here to remind you: hope is not foolish, it’s fuel.

🌟 Learn more about Bobbi and grab her free resources at datinglikeagrownup.com 📺 Watch this episode on YouTube for bangs-envy and bonus sass 💌 Subscribe for more episodes that will life check your heart, soul, and inbox

Connections 🌐 Learn more about Bobbi at https://datelikeagrownup.pages.ontraport.net/marni Visit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

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In this powerhouse episode of Life Check Yourself, I sit down with JM Ryerson—leadership coach, international speaker, and bestselling author of Let's Go Win and Upgrade. JM is the founder and CEO of Let's Go Win and has helped companies double (and sometimes triple!) their revenue by simplifying leadership, alignment, and performance. If you're navigating work stress, team dysfunction, or feeling stuck in victim-mode, this episode is a must-listen.

We dive deep into what it takes to thrive in the ever-changing world of work—especially if you're juggling it all in midlife. From mindset hacks to leadership strategies, JM shares no-fluff wisdom that’ll help you stop spinning your wheels and start winning with intention.

🔥 Top 3 Takeaways: 1. Stop Mistaking Activity for Alignment Being busy doesn’t mean you’re being effective. Clarity and simplicity are the secret weapons for massive growth.

Focus Creates Flow Interruptions are killing your productivity. Protect your energy and time like it’s sacred—because it is.
Boundaries Build Freedom Every 'yes' is a 'no' to something else. Learn how to say no without guilt, and watch your joy, health, and impact rise.

🧭 Key Moments & Topics Covered: 🕒 4:29 – Upgrade Your Mindset, Don’t Resist Change

“Write down how you're feeling… Once it’s out, we can focus on the upside.” Change is inevitable, but how we interpret it is optional. Writing out your resistance helps you move from reactive to reflective, allowing you to design your next move instead of defaulting to fear.

🕒 10:18 – Turn Off Notifications, Turn On Productivity

“Be intentional about setting boundaries with your time and tasks. It’s not rocket science, but it is discipline.” Productivity doesn't come from doing more—it comes from doing what matters, undistracted. Design your environment (like JM's no-distraction computer setup) to match your goals, not your temptations.

🕒 21:13 – Every 'Yes' Is a 'No' to Something Else

“People won’t say no to others, but they’ll say no to themselves all day long.” Boundaries aren't about being selfish—they’re about being in integrity. Saying yes to one more late call might mean saying no to your kids, your rest, or your creative flow. Get clear on your why so your no’s feel empowering, not scary.

💥 Mic-Drop Quote: “Past is pain, future is anxiety, present is everything.” — JM Ryerson

This episode is your permission slip to slow down, get present, and start winning on your terms. Hit play, take notes, and then take one powerful action to create more harmony, courage, and clarity—starting today.

🎧 Listen now and remember: it’s your responsibility to Life Check Yourself.

Connections 📘 Grab JM’s book Let’s Go Win for FREE🌐 Learn more about JM at letsgowin.com📲 Follow him on all the platforms and check out his podcast Let’s Go Win Visit us: MarniBattista.Com Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With MeTake the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

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👤 Guest Introduction: Sharon Pope is a Certified Master Life Coach, renowned relationship expert, and seven-time internationally bestselling author—including the hit book Stay or Go, which sold over 300,000 copies. She helps women and men heal, transform, or release struggling marriages with radical clarity and compassion. In this episode, Sharon and I unpack how to navigate midlife relationships, especially when you feel like the spark is gone and you’re stuck in a roommate marriage.

🔑 Top 3 Takeaways: 1. Clarity Begins with Ownership – Empowerment starts when you take responsibility for your role. 2. Conflict Isn’t the Problem—Avoidance Is – Difficult conversations are the doorway to deeper intimacy. 3. Connection Requires Intention – Communicate clearly, calmly, and with purpose.

💬 Main Topics + Timestamps: 1. Embracing Conflict to Deepen Connection 🕒 01:37

“If you're never arguing, that means one of you isn’t telling the full truth.” Disagreement isn’t a sign of failure—it’s an invitation. The absence of conflict often means someone is silencing their needs. When you choose to lean in instead of retreating, you create an opportunity to understand one another more deeply and build trust that’s rooted in truth.

Stop the Blame Loop: Take Radical Responsibility 🕒 04:44

“The minute you own your part... possibilities open up that don’t exist when it’s all someone else’s fault.” Waiting for someone else to change keeps you in victim mode. Real power comes when you take even partial ownership of your experience. That’s where your influence—and transformation—lives. It’s not about blame. It’s about reclaiming your power.

Mastering Difficult Conversations with Clarity & Calm 🕒 12:02

“Don’t follow them down the branch. Keep the main thing, the main thing.” When emotions escalate, it’s easy to veer off course. But maintaining your original intention keeps the conversation anchored. Set your intention, speak from your experience, and invite the other person to talk first. This keeps you grounded, diffuses defensiveness, and opens the door to genuine connection.

🔥 Notable Quote: “Clear is kind. Direct doesn’t mean bitchy—it just means clear.” Being direct isn’t rude. It’s revolutionary. Women are taught to be accommodating, but clarity is one of the most loving things you can offer in any relationship. Especially when you're rewriting your marriage, communication is the cornerstone.

Whether you’re navigating empty nesting, midlife reinvention, or just wondering if your marriage is meant to last, this conversation gives you tools to reconnect—starting with yourself.

💌 For more wisdom from Sharon Pope, visit sharonpope.com or check out her free gift at sharonpopefreetraining.com

🛑 And remember: Avoidance isn’t peace—it’s delay. Speak. Heal. Connect. Repeat.

🖤 Until next time, keep life-checking yourself.

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com
Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me
Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life
"Sharon's Latest Books - https://sharonpope.com/books
Website - https://www.sharonpope.com
Truth & Clarity Session - https://clarityformymarriage.com/truth-clarity?_atid=hNu1mk4d0r3qdkB4FZzahVywTftqZO

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👤 Guest Introduction: Lisa Copeland is a trailblazer in the world of midlife love and reinvention. An internationally recognized dating coach for women over 50, Lisa is the author of The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50 and has been featured on Dr. Phil, ABC, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, and more. After building a successful business, she found herself quietly tolerating things that no longer fit—until she decided to radically redesign her life.

🎙️ Episode Topic: In this empowering episode, we dive deep into the transformation that happens when you stop settling for a “good enough” life and start building a soul-aligned one—on your terms. From confronting people-pleasing patterns to redesigning her business and finding joy in solo travel, Lisa's journey shows what’s possible when you dare to start again—at any age.

✨ Top 3 Takeaways:

Freedom starts with redefining your schedule.
You don’t need permission to choose again.
Play and creativity are soul medicine.

🧭 Main Topics & Time Stamps:

Breaking Free from People-Pleasing & Redesigning Her Schedule (04:15) Lisa shares how she realized that her jam-packed, client-first schedule was draining her energy and stifling her creativity.

“We don't realize how much freedom we truly have.” ✅ When decisions are based on obligation, you lose power. Designing your day around your energy is the first act of reclaiming yourself.

Dismantling Old Beliefs Through Polarity and Somatic Work (07:48) Lisa fought through perfectionism and learned that she could hold two truths at once. Through deep polarity work and somatic release, she reprogrammed patterns rooted in childhood.

“I thought it had to be one way. I didn’t know I could choose again.” ✅ When stuck patterns feel logical, they often aren’t. Physical release opens the door to emotional transformation faster than overthinking ever could.

Experimenting With Fun, Art & Solo Travel to Reignite Joy (20:32) Lisa shares how solo travel, watercolor painting, and even doodling helped her reconnect with joy and creativity outside of productivity.

“My soul was screaming for me to do art… not scroll my phone.” ✅ Creativity is not a luxury—it’s a lifeline. Playful experimentation leads to identity expansion and unexpected breakthroughs.

📝 Notable Quote:

“You think you’re free—but you’re really living inside a box you never questioned.”

🎯 Why This Matters: This episode is a reminder that midlife is not a deadline—it’s a doorway. If you’re ready to stop bending like a pretzel to please others, reclaim your schedule, reawaken your creative spirit, and finally design the life that fits your soul—you’ll want to hit play now.

🧨 Bonus Insight: You can’t 10x your life by tolerating what no longer fits. Real freedom begins when you question what you thought was “just the way things are.”

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com
Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me
Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life
Lisa’s Website

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Guest Introduction

Today, we are honored to welcome Dr. Warren Farrell, a renowned Ph.D., internationally bestselling author, and one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders (as recognized by the Financial Times). His work has shaped both the women's and men’s movements, and his latest book, Role Mate to Soul Mate, dives deep into the science and art of sustaining intimate relationships. Having been married for over 30 years, Dr. Farrell doesn’t just teach relationship transformation—he lives it.

In this episode, we’re breaking down the critical shifts needed to move from just “coexisting” in relationships to truly thriving. If you’ve ever felt unheard, misunderstood, or stuck in recurring patterns with your partner, this conversation will change the way you approach love, communication, and intimacy.

Three Powerful Takeaways

✅ Criticism is a Relationship Killer—But You Can Change Your Response ✅ Boundaries and Emotional Safety Are the Foundations of Lasting Love ✅ Understanding Your Partner’s Emotional Needs Creates a Conflict-Free Zone

Key Discussion Topics

1️The Hidden Traps of Criticism and How to Overcome Them (⏱ 17:4

"If you respond to criticism by being defensive, that means you are human. That was functional for survival, but it’s dysfunctional for love." – Dr. Warren Farrell

Criticism often triggers a fight-or-flight response, making even minor comments feel like personal attacks. Shifting the mindset from defensiveness to curiosity transforms relationships. Instead of reacting, creating a safe space for dialogue allows for deeper trust and connection. Learning to listen without taking things personally fosters emotional intimacy rather than eroding it.

2️The Power of Boundaries in Love and Parenting (⏱ 05:0

"Boys that are dad-deprived often lack postponed gratification, which is the single biggest predictor of success or failure." – Dr. Warren Farrell

Boundaries aren’t about control; they are about creating safety and stability—whether in parenting, personal relationships, or partnerships. Clear and consistent boundaries help people feel respected and seen. Without them, relationships can spiral into resentment or chaos. When structure and accountability are present, it leads to a greater sense of self-worth, stronger partnerships, and deeper emotional security.

3️Creating a Conflict-Free Zone in Relationships (⏱ 31:2

"If your partner criticizes you, you can either argue back—where there’s a 100% chance you won’t be heard—or bring it up during structured time, where there’s a 100% chance you will." – Dr. Warren Farrell

Most couples struggle with navigating conflict effectively, but structured communication—like weekly “caring and sharing” sessions—creates space for listening, appreciation, and deeper understanding. Shifting from reactive to intentional conversations reduces unnecessary tension and builds a foundation of trust, vulnerability, and long-term love.

Final Thought

If you've ever felt frustrated by miscommunication in your relationships or wondered how to create deeper intimacy and understanding, this episode will be a game-changer. Dr. Farrell’s insights provide actionable strategies to transform your love life and build a partnership that feels safe, fulfilling, and truly connected.

Grab his latest book, Role Mate to Soul Mate, and start your journey toward a stronger, more fulfilling relationship today!

Listen now and share this episode with someone who needs it!

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Introduction

In this episode of Life Check Yourself, we sit down with the incredible Jen Crowley, a woman who has walked through love, loss, and the courageous journey of rediscovering herself. After losing her husband, Tyke, to cancer in 2015, Jen faced the overwhelming challenge of navigating dating again. With determination and a willingness to embrace new possibilities, she ultimately found love once more and is now engaged to Jeff.

Jen’s story is a powerful testament to the fact that love exists when we are willing to heal, redefine what we truly need, and take intentional steps toward the right relationship. Today, we’re diving deep into the mindset shifts, dating strategies, and personal breakthroughs that helped Jen find her way back to love.

3 Powerful Takeaways

Clarity is everything—knowing what you want changes the game.
Online dating isn’t about luck; it’s about strategy and alignment.
The right relationship feels supportive, safe, and deeply fulfilling.

Key Topics & Timestamps

Defining Your Non-Negotiables & Dating with Clarity (12:05)

“You have to know what you’re looking for—otherwise, you’ll keep settling.”

"The right relationship isn’t just about chemistry. It’s about shared values, mutual respect, and a future vision that aligns."

Without a clear understanding of what truly matters, dating can feel like an endless cycle of trial and error. Defining non-negotiables isn’t about being picky—it’s about saving time and energy by only investing in people who align with what you genuinely need in a relationship. When you’re crystal clear on what matters, making dating decisions becomes easier and more intentional.

Overcoming the Fear of Online Dating & Taking Strategic Action (23:40)

"I was afraid of being lied to, but I also knew there had to be a way to navigate this better."

"Instead of dreading the process, I learned how to filter out the noise and focus on real connections."

Fear often holds people back from fully embracing online dating. Worries about deception, wasted time, and rejection can create resistance to putting yourself out there. But instead of staying stuck, learning how to strategically approach dating—through filtering, discernment, and proactive engagement—makes all the difference. Taking control of the process means dating smarter, not harder.

Building a Relationship That Feels Safe & Empowering (35:15)

"The best relationships feel like a partnership, where both people give 80% rather than keeping score."

"Communication should feel safe and open, where you can say what you need without fear of judgment."

A truly fulfilling relationship is built on mutual support, generosity, and the ability to communicate honestly. When both partners are committed to creating a space of trust and appreciation, love naturally deepens. Rather than settling for surface-level connections, choosing someone who makes you feel valued and understood creates a foundation for lasting happiness.

Final Thoughts

Jen’s journey reminds us that love isn’t about waiting—it’s about taking action. When we heal, define our values, and approach dating with confidence, the right relationship can unfold in ways we never imagined.

If you’ve been feeling stuck in love, this conversation is your sign to reset, get clear, and take the next step with intention.

Listen to the full episode now and start creating the love story you truly deserve!

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com
Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me
Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life
Join The New Cohort Waitlist
Tyke's book, Hungry for Air
Dinner for One: Stories From Widows Without Children
Pure Haven - www.purehaven.com/jencrowley

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Episode Introduction:

Welcome to another powerful episode of Life Check Yourself! Today, we’re diving deep into the art of boundary-setting, emotional resilience, and the power of reinvention with the incredible Jennifer Fable. After being diagnosed with over seven different mental health conditions by the age of 19, Jennifer embarked on a journey of radical healing that shaped her belief in one core truth: You are not broken. Now, she’s on a mission to help others reclaim their voice, set healthy boundaries, and build relationships that empower instead of drain.

In this episode, we unpack the misconceptions about boundaries, how to communicate them without pushing people away, and why true transformation starts with our words. If you’ve ever struggled with setting limits, feeling heard, or navigating relationships without guilt, this conversation is for you!

Top 3 Takeaways:

✅ Boundaries Should Be Bridges, Not Walls – Setting limits isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about creating healthy relationships built on clear communication and mutual respect.

✅ Your Words Shape Your Reality – The language you use in setting boundaries and advocating for yourself determines whether you build connection or create conflict.

✅ Confidence Comes From Action, Not Readiness – You don’t need to feel 100% ready to set boundaries; you just need to start practicing them with self-trust.

Key Topics & Time Stamps:

The Power of Boundaries: How to Set Them Without Guilt (10:2

“We think boundaries are about other people, but they’re really about knowing what we want and learning how to share it in a way that connects us instead of putting us on opposite teams.”

Boundaries are often misunderstood as rigid rules that separate people, but real boundaries are about creating clarity and connection. Rather than seeing them as conditions, they should function as a living, flexible framework that grows as we evolve. When setting a boundary, the focus should be on self-ownership—knowing what you

need, expressing it clearly, and allowing space for a response without control or manipulation.

Using Words to Strengthen (Not Sabotage) Your Boundaries (23:4

“Instead of saying ‘You can’t talk to me that way,’ try ‘I would love to be spoken to in a more gentle tone.’ This shifts the conversation from control to collaboration.”

Language is everything when it comes to setting boundaries effectively. Using empowering linguistic patterns prevents conversations from becoming adversarial. Avoiding words like “but” (which erases everything before it) and “try” (which presupposes failure) helps in creating agreements instead of ultimatums. Boundaries should invite negotiation, not opposition. Small changes in phrasing can dramatically shift how others receive and respond to our needs.

The Confidence Myth: Why You Don’t Need to Feel Ready to Start (41:1

“Confidence isn’t something you wait for—it’s competence demonstrated over time. You don’t need to feel ready to set boundaries; you just need to start practicing them.”

One of the biggest myths about boundary-setting is that you need to be confident first. The truth? Confidence is built through action. Many people avoid speaking up because they fear rejection, but boundaries are about honoring yourself, not controlling others.

The key is to embrace discomfort, take small steps, and trust that each conversation is a step toward greater self-respect and stronger relationships.

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com
Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me
Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life
Jeniffer’s Book

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Guest: Phil Weiss

Phil Weiss is the founder of Apprise Wealth Management and a financial expert with over 25 years in personal finance and investment management. His mission? To help women take control of their financial futures, avoid regret, and create a life of abundance. Phil's deep personal connection to financial empowerment, shaped by his own family’s struggles, fuels his passion for educating and guiding women toward financial clarity and confidence.

Episode Overview

So many women find themselves in midlife realizing they don’t fully understand their financial picture. Whether they’ve built wealth but aren’t sure how to use it, or they’ve been relying on a partner to handle money matters, there comes a moment of reckoning: Do I truly know what I have, what I need, and what’s possible for me?

In this episode, we dive into why financial empowerment isn’t just about numbers—it’s about avoiding regret, making aligned choices, and using money as a tool to live fully. Phil shares his expert insights on navigating financial transitions, life planning, and why NOW is the time to take control.

3 Game-Changing Takeaways

Money is a Tool, Not a Goal – Saving without a clear purpose leads to fear-based decisions. Financial confidence comes from aligning your resources with what truly matters.
Time is the Most Limited Resource – Many believe money is finite and time is unlimited—but it’s actually the reverse. Making empowered financial choices frees up the most valuable resource: your time.
Your Financial Power Starts with Clarity – Whether single, married, divorced, or widowed, knowing your financial reality gives you the freedom to make bold, intentional choices.

Key Topics & Timestamps

1️Breaking Free from the “Build & Save” Mindset (12:3

“I’ve been trying to build the biggest pile of money without ever thinking about how much I needed or what it was for.”

So many people—especially women—spend years accumulating wealth without considering the purpose behind it. This leads to fear-based decision-making, where spending money (even on things that bring joy) feels uncomfortable. True financial empowerment happens when money is seen as a tool to build a meaningful life, rather than a security blanket.

Why It Matters: Instead of focusing on “saving just in case,” align your financial plan with what you actually want to do. Whether it’s travel, career shifts, or early retirement, clarity turns financial anxiety into confidence.

2️How to Stop Trading Time for Money (22:4

“People have it all wrong. They think time is unlimited and money is finite. But really, time is what’s limited.”

Many people hesitate to spend on things that could buy back their time—whether it’s hiring help, outsourcing tasks, or making investments that increase freedom. But when you truly grasp that time is the scarcest resource, financial decisions become clearer.

Why It Matters: Shifting from a scarcity mindset to a life-design mindset means prioritizing time freedom over unnecessary financial hoarding. It’s not about reckless spending—it’s about making choices that expand your life rather than just your bank account.

3️Financial Transitions: How to Prepare for Life’s Big Shifts “Life planning at its core is about avoiding regret.”

Whether it’s divorce, the death of a spouse, an empty nest, or a career shift, major transitions require proactive financial awareness. Many women don’t engage with their finances until they’re forced to—but the best time to gain financial clarity is before a transition happens.

Why It Matters: Avoiding regret means understanding your financial standing now, rather than waiting until a crisis forces you to. Building financial confidence before a life shift happens allows for more choices, freedom, and security.

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com
Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me
Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life
Phil’s Website

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Guest Introduction:

In this powerful episode, we welcome Riana Malia, an advanced trauma care coach and expert in quantum biology, neuroscience, and transformational healing. She is the creator of the Clear to Create Method and Quantum Pattern Protocol, designed to help ambitious women move past trauma, break deep-rooted patterns, and step into their full potential with confidence. With over 20 years of experience, Riana has helped hundreds of women transform their lives, find love, and create personal and professional breakthroughs by tapping into the unconscious mind to uncover and heal the root causes of emotional and psychological blocks.

�� Three Game-Changing Takeaways

✅ Your Conscious Mind Sets the Goal, But Your Unconscious Mind Makes It Happen – The mind is like an iceberg: only 10% is conscious, while 90% operates beneath the surface. True transformation happens by accessing and reprogramming the unconscious mind. (03:13)

✅ You Have to Clear the Old to Make Space for the New – Patterns, trauma, and limiting beliefs are stored at a cellular level. Unless they are fully released, you’ll keep repeating the same cycles, whether in relationships, career, or self-worth. (08:05)

✅ Rewiring Your Brain Can Be Instant & Permanent – Quantum Time Release clears deeply embedded emotional charges without revisiting past trauma, allowing you to move forward without reliving old wounds. (21:44)

�� Key Topics & Insights

1️⃣Why "Willpower" Isn't Enough: The Real Key to Lasting Change (03:13)

● The conscious mind can set a goal, but it’s the unconscious mind that executes it. ● 90% of thoughts, behaviors, and patterns are stored in the unconscious mind, including unprocessed trauma, emotional patterns, and survival instincts. ● "If the conscious mind is the goal setter, the unconscious mind is the goal getter." ● The reason people feel stuck despite knowing what they want is that their

unconscious programming keeps them repeating old patterns.

�� Impact: Understanding this concept shifts the focus from trying harder to rewiring thought patterns at a deeper level.

2️⃣Breaking Free: Why Traditional "Talk Therapy" Isn't Enough (08:05)

● Most personal development focuses on awareness but stops short of rewiring the brain.

● Just “releasing” emotions without installing new neurology, new strategies, and new behavior patterns keeps you stuck.

● "People focus on releasing, releasing, releasing, but they don’t replace it with anything new. So the system collapses back on itself." (06:52)

● Quantum Pattern Protocol works at the root level, clearing stored trauma without revisiting painful memories.

�� Impact: The key to lasting change is replacing limiting beliefs with new neurological patterns, not just recognizing them.

3️⃣Quantum Time Release: How to Let Go of Emotional Baggage in Hours, Not Years (21:44)

● Every negative emotion—anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shame—is stored like a string of marbles in the unconscious mind.

● Quantum Time Release clears these at the root cause without requiring conscious memory of the event.

● "Clients will say, ‘If you asked me this three hours ago, I would have cried, but now… it’s gone.’" (22:42)

● Once the emotional charge is gone, clarity, creativity, and new opportunities appear effortlessly.

�� Impact: Healing doesn’t have to take years. With the right approach, transformation can happen in a matter of hours.

�� Final Thoughts

This episode is a deep dive into how to rewire your mind for success, break old cycles, and step into the life you truly desire. If you've ever felt like you're stuck in repetitive patterns—whether in relationships, career, or self-worth—Riana's methods could be the key to unlocking your unstoppable self.

�� Want to dive deeper? Check out Riana's free 27-minute masterclass where she walks

you through the Quantum Pattern Protocol step by step! (Link in show notes!) �� Listen Now & Step Into Your Power! ��

Connections:

● Visit us: MarniBattista.Com

● Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me

● Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future

● Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life

● Website: https://www.rianamalia.com/gifts/

● Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61568074675116

● Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rianamalia.official/

● LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rianamalia/

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Episode Overview: Relationships thrive on clarity, communication, and emotional investment. In this episode, we break down how to identify relationship deal breakers, communicate emotional needs effectively, and move beyond surface-level compatibility. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Lynda K. Cash, shares insights from years of experience working with individuals, couples, and families, helping them understand how to break dysfunctional patterns and create meaningful, lasting connections.

If relationships feel like an uphill battle or you’re tired of repeating the same cycles, this episode will give you practical strategies to strengthen your emotional foundation, communicate assertively, and build a partnership that truly aligns with your values.

🔥 Top 3 Takeaways: ✅ Emotional Needs Are the Currency of Relationships – Without clear expectations, relationships become transactional instead of meaningful. ✅ Assertive Communication is Key – Saying what you mean and meaning what you say fosters trust and mutual respect. ✅ Deal Breakers Are Essential, Not Optional – Knowing and honoring non-negotiables prevents resentment and relationship burnout.

Key Topics & Time Stamps 🟢 1. Emotional Needs as the Foundation of Connection (10:23)

"Your emotional needs are your expectations from the other person." Emotional needs serve as the currency in relationships. Without clearly defining and communicating them, relationships can drift into mechanical routines, where partners feel unseen or undervalued. When emotional needs aren’t met, frustration turns into resentment, leading to sabotage. Awareness and expression of these needs allow relationships to flourish in an environment of understanding and mutual fulfillment.

🟢 2. The Power of Assertive Communication (24:10)

"Being assertive is getting comfortable with saying what you mean and meaning what you say." Assertive communication isn’t about being loud; it’s about honesty, clarity, and confidence. Many people fall into the trap of calculated conversations, filtering their words based on anticipated reactions. This approach weakens connection and builds emotional walls. True relationship growth happens when both individuals feel safe expressing their truth without fear of judgment or withdrawal.

🟢 3. Understanding & Defining Relationship Deal Breakers (38:42)

"Most people introduce themselves by stating what they don’t want. That’s the wrong strategy." Many relationships struggle because people focus on what they don’t want instead of defining what they do want. This mindset fosters frustration, misalignment, and eventual dissatisfaction. Clear deal breakers—focused on emotional needs, lifestyle compatibility, and core values—help filter out mismatched connections early on, saving time, energy, and emotional investment.

💡 Notable Quotes: 🗣️ "You don’t need a long list of relationship rules—just a clear understanding of what truly matters to you."

🗣️ "Relationships thrive when both partners feel seen, heard, and valued—not when they’re stuck in silent negotiations."

🗣️ "Knowing your deal breakers isn’t about being picky; it’s about ensuring long-term compatibility and fulfillment."

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com
Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me
Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life
Lunda's website
Lynda's new book

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Tracy Crossley is a behavioral expert, relationship coach, and the author of Overcoming Insecure Attachment. With over 17 years of experience, she specializes in helping individuals break free from toxic patterns, overcome fear-based relationships, and develop the confidence to create lasting, fulfilling connections.

Episode Overview Are you stuck in a relationship loop, constantly questioning whether to stay or leave? Do you find yourself repeating the same painful patterns, feeling like you’re always the one fighting for love? In this powerful conversation, we break down the hidden forces that keep people trapped in unsatisfying relationships and, more importantly, how to shift out of them.

Tracy Crossley reveals the real reason relationships in crisis feel so impossible to escape—and why traditional advice often falls short. If you’re ready to stop settling and start creating a relationship that truly aligns with you, this episode is a must-listen.

🔥 3 Key Takeaways 1️⃣ Crisis Isn’t Always Obvious—But It’s Always a Choice 2️⃣ Emotional Intimacy Begins With Radical Self-Responsibility 3️⃣ Fear of Change Keeps You Stuck, Not the Relationship Itself

🔍 Main Topics & Notable Insights 1. Recognizing Relationship Crisis (02:02) 📌 "It's a sustainable crossroads—an intense stuckness. You won’t look deeper because you’re afraid of loss." – Tracy Crossley

Many people think of crisis as a big, dramatic moment, but more often than not, it’s an ongoing state of emotional limbo. Staying in a cycle of dissatisfaction, making excuses for a relationship, or blaming external circumstances is a form of self-abandonment. The fear of loss, rather than the actual loss, is what keeps people stuck in relationships that don’t serve them.

Emotional Intimacy vs. Emotional Avoidance (07:48) 📌 "People settle for certain feelings. They don’t know how to have fun without guilt or heaviness pulling at them." – Tracy Crossley

Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean there is real emotional intimacy. Many people live in a state of avoidance—choosing familiarity over fulfillment, numbing discomfort rather than facing it. The problem isn’t just the relationship; it’s the ingrained belief that suffering or 'settling' is normal. When people start prioritizing emotional connection over staying in their comfort zone, everything shifts.

Fear of Change and the Illusion of Control (18:36) 📌 "We expect our partners to act the way we would. But it’s not our job to make them a version of us." – Marni Battista

Fear keeps people in toxic cycles. Whether it’s fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, or fear of choosing wrong again, it paralyzes growth. Many believe they must ‘fix’ their partner, but real transformation happens when they stop focusing on the other person and start owning their emotional experience. Instead of trying to mold a partner into something different, the real question is: What am I afraid to face in myself?

✨ Final Thoughts If you’re questioning your relationship, feeling exhausted by constant emotional cycles, or struggling with self-doubt, this episode will shift your perspective. Relationships don’t just happen—they are created through conscious choice. The moment you take responsibility for your patterns, you reclaim your power to design the love life you actually want.

🔹 Loved this episode? Share it with a friend who needs to hear this message! 🔹 Connect with Tracy Crossley: tracycrossley.com

🚀 Ready to break free from old patterns and start living with intention? Join The Radical Living Masterclass and start creating the life you’re meant for.

Connections:

Visit us: MarniBattista.Com
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Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future

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Episode Introduction What if everything you thought about fitness and nutrition was wrong? In today’s episode, we sit down with Esteban Lutz, a fitness and nutrition expert who has spent over 30 years helping high-achieving professionals reclaim their health and vitality. Creator of the K7 Method, Esteban has worked with elite athletes, business leaders, and thousands of individuals looking to transform their energy, mindset, and physical well-being.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the cycle of restrictive diets, low energy, or fitness fads that don’t work, this conversation will shift everything for you. Esteban breaks down the real keys to lasting wellness, from identity shifts to the hidden “kryptonite” draining your energy, and why muscle—not just cardio—is the foundation of longevity.

🔥 3 Powerful Takeaways: ✅ Your Identity Dictates Your Health – The way you see yourself determines your habits and outcomes. Shift your identity, shift your results. ✅ Your Environment & Tribe Control Your Success – The people and spaces around you shape your energy, behaviors, and standards. ✅ Muscle is the Organ of Longevity – The key to energy, aging well, and maintaining strength isn’t cutting calories—it’s building muscle.

🔹 Key Topics & Insights 1️⃣ Rewriting Your Health Identity (02:02) 💡 “Whatever happens after ‘I am’… presto, it shall be.” Explanation: Identity is the foundation of transformation. Every thought we repeat—whether it's “I’m always tired” or “I’m strong and energetic”—shapes our reality. Words create physiological responses, influencing how we feel and act. By consciously choosing an identity that aligns with health, energy, and well-being, behaviors naturally follow.

Notable Quote: “You get to be clear on who you choose to be. If I wake up and say, ‘I am tired,’ then I am. If I say, ‘I am powerful,’ then I am.”

2️⃣ The Hidden Power of Environment & Tribe (05:44) 💡 “You are the summation of the people you surround yourself with.” Explanation: Our surroundings shape our subconscious habits. Living in an environment where health is prioritized—where people are active and thriving—naturally influences daily choices. If a community sees aging as a time of decline, it reinforces that belief. But in spaces where 80-year-olds are skiing and hiking, the perception of aging shifts, and so do the possibilities for personal health.

Notable Quote: “We can actually design our environment to be the top 1% of who we choose to be.”

3️⃣ The “Kryptonite” Draining Your Energy (09:07) 💡 “It’s not about calories. It’s about what’s poisoning your body.” Explanation: Many struggle with weight loss or fatigue, blaming calories, but the real issue often lies in hidden toxins—processed foods, chemicals, and even emotional triggers tied to food. The body’s survival instinct reacts to artificial ingredients, creating inflammation, hormone imbalances, and cravings. The focus shouldn’t be deprivation, but eliminating kryptonite—foods and habits that sabotage energy and longevity.

Notable Quote: “We’re counting calories, but we’re openly consuming poison. If I put poison ivy in a salad, you wouldn’t eat it—even if it was low-calorie.”

🎁 Free Gift: The Tight Tummy Challenge! Esteban is offering a 7-day challenge designed to reduce inflammation, strengthen the core, and help reset energy levels. This challenge has helped thousands reclaim their health—without counting a single calorie!

👉 Grab your free guide here!

🚀 Final Thoughts If you're tired of feeling exhausted, frustrated, and stuck in the cycle of failed fitness trends, this episode is your wake-up call. Your energy, health, and longevity are in your hands. Shift your identity, curate your environment, eliminate kryptonite, and build the strongest version of you.

💪 It’s time to take action. What’s one shift you’re making TODAY? Drop it in the comments!

🎧 Listen to the full episode now & don’t forget to subscribe!

Connections: * Visit us: MarniBattista.Com * Ready To Create Your Corporate Escape Plan? Book A Call With Me * Take the Quiz: Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future * Buy Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions For Living The Meaningful Life * Join 7K Challenge

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In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into the power of soul alignment and energetic healing with Michal Spiegelman—certified professional soul coach, Reiki master, and founder of Beacons of Change. With three decades of experience, she’s helped therapists, social workers, and coaches move beyond traditional talk therapy to awaken their inner wisdom and create profound transformation. Her new book, Becoming Soulful: Six Keys for Profound Transformation, is a guide to reconnecting with your soul, embracing vitality, and living with meaning.

If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your purpose, stuck in patterns that drain your energy, or unsure of how to access your inner guidance, this conversation will be a game-changer.

�� Top 3 Takeaways:

Your Soul is Your Inner Compass – Learning to trust your soul’s wisdom is the key to transformation.
Emotional Energy Can Keep You Stuck – Suppressed emotions and fake positivity drain your life force.
True Healing is Embodied – Lasting transformation happens when we integrate mind, body, and soul.

Key Topics & Timestamps:

1️⃣The Soul as Your Inner Compass (03:00)

�� “The soul is the pure essence of who we are. It’s our divine spark, unlimited and wise.”

● The soul isn’t about religious belief—it’s the part of you that holds clarity, truth, and deep knowing.

● When life feels chaotic or uncertain, connecting with the soul can provide guidance beyond logic.

● Practical ways to develop a soul dialogue: meditation, journaling, and intuitive

listening.

�� Why It Matters:

Tapping into the wisdom of the soul shifts decision-making from fear-based reactions to empowered clarity. It helps navigate challenges with resilience instead of overwhelm.

2️⃣Releasing Energy Blocks & Ending Fake Positivity (17:25)

�� “Suppressing emotions leaks life force energy. And for those deeply committed to personal growth, faking positivity can be just as draining.”

● Many people unknowingly leak energy through unresolved emotions, chronic stress, or trying to maintain a “positive mindset” at all costs.

● True healing comes from allowing emotions to flow, rather than suppressing them. ● The paradox of personal growth: Increased awareness can sometimes create emotional heaviness if not balanced properly.

�� Why It Matters:

Recognizing and releasing energetic blocks restores vitality, prevents burnout, and enhances emotional freedom.

3️⃣The Power of Somatic Healing & Embodiment (25:13)

�� “We cannot fully heal through talk therapy alone. The body holds wisdom that must be accessed for true transformation.”

● Somatic practices like Reiki, movement, and body-awareness exercises allow emotional trauma to be released.

● Physical pain and emotional wounds are often deeply intertwined—healing the body can unlock healing for the heart and mind.

● A simple practice: Asking “Where does this emotion live in my body?” can reveal powerful insights.

�� Why It Matters:

Ignoring the body in personal development leads to surface-level change. When we engage the body, healing deepens, and we regain access to joy, clarity, and personal power.

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Guest Introduction: Lorna Poole In this episode, we dive into the real truth about money, wealth, and financial freedom with Lorna Poole, a wealth-certified coach who helps women stop playing small with their finances and start building lasting wealth. Lorna is on a mission to help established female entrepreneurs and professionals ditch money anxiety, invest wisely, and create a secure financial future—so they can live life on their own terms without financial stress.

But here’s the kicker—wealth isn’t just about making money. It’s about what you do with it.

Most people think they’ll start building wealth "someday," but someday never comes unless you shift how you think about money. Whether you're starting from scratch, breaking free from financial dependence, or looking to scale your wealth, this conversation will change the way you see money forever.

3 Game-Changing Takeaways: ✅ Your Money Mindset Shapes Your Wealth Reality – You don’t need to make more; you need to manage it better. Wealth is a habit, not an income level.

✅ Pay Yourself First—Always – The wealthy build assets before spending. It’s not about what you earn but what you keep and grow.

✅ Financial Freedom Isn’t a Dream—It’s a Plan – Wealthy people don’t just hope for security; they set clear numbers, invest smartly, and take action.

🔥 Key Topics & Powerful Insights 1. Breaking Free from Money Myths (05:38) 📌 "Where there's a will, there's always a way. The first breakthrough with money is realizing you GET to have a breakthrough with money." – Lorna Poole

💡 Many believe financial freedom is for the lucky few. In reality, it's about mindset and habits. The most powerful shift? Stop seeing money as something outside of your control and start choosing financial freedom NOW—not when you have "enough."

Pay Yourself First—The Golden Rule of Wealth (09:35) 📌 "Most people pay their bills first, THEN themselves. Wealthy people do the opposite—they invest in their future first." – Lorna Poole

💡 The #1 mistake people make? Paying everything else first and hoping to save later. The wealthy think differently: They treat their financial future as a non-negotiable bill. Whether it's $50 or $5,000/month, putting money toward assets FIRST is the key to breaking the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle.

How to Build Wealth with Strategy, Not Just Hustle (16:24) 📌 "Most people think wealth comes from making more money. It doesn’t. It comes from what you do with the money you ALREADY have." – Lorna Poole

💡 Money isn’t about hustling harder; it’s about making it work for you. Without a wealth plan, money will always control you. The wealthiest people don’t just make money—they make it grow. Simple investment strategies like index trackers, real estate, and tax-free accounts can build financial security over time.

Ready to Take Action? Your Next Steps: 💥 Schedule a “Money Date” – Block 30 minutes to review your income, expenses, and financial goals. No more avoiding it.

💥 Start Investing NOW – Even if it’s small, get your money working for you with a simple investment strategy.

💥 Grab Lorna’s Financial Freedom Bundle! – This toolkit includes videos, checklists, and a wealth-building roadmap to get you started. (Link in show notes!)

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Guest: Chris Miles – The Cash Flow Expert & Anti-Financial Advisor

Today, we’re diving deep into financial independence, wealth creation, and breaking free from the traditional money myths that keep so many people stuck. Our guest, Chris Miles, is a cash flow expert and anti-financial advisor who has helped his clients increase their cash flow by over $300 million in the last 15 years. He’s the host of The Money Ripples Podcast, a featured expert in Entrepreneurs on Fire, CNN Money, and Bigger Pockets, and has built a reputation for showing people how to get their money working for them—without grinding forever or relying on outdated financial advice.

If you’ve ever felt trapped by traditional money strategies—saving endlessly, playing by the rules, and still feeling like it’s not enough—this episode will radically shift your mindset and strategy.

�� Top 3 Takeaways:

Wealth isn’t built by saving—it’s built by cash flow. Traditional financial planning tells you to save, save, save, but real freedom comes from creating income streams that work for you.
Get lean, get liquid, get out. Locking money away in 401(k)s, IRAs, and paid-off mortgages might feel safe—but it actually traps your financial potential instead of expanding it.
Money is meant to be used, not hoarded. The key to abundance isn’t spending less—it’s getting smarter about how your money flows and grows.

�� Key Topics & Insights:

1️⃣The Myth of Saving Your Way to Wealth (06:04)

● "My dad did everything right—paid off his house, saved in his 401(k)—and when I ran the numbers, I had to tell him: ‘If you retire today, you’ll run out of money in five years.’”

● Many people follow the "safe" financial plan, yet still end up unable to retire comfortably. The system isn’t broken—it was designed this way. True wealth comes from cash flow, not just accumulated savings.

● Instead of hoping a big retirement fund will last, create income-generating assets that continue to pay you—without you working more.

2️⃣The Trap of Locked-Up Money (17:39)

● "People think having a paid-off house is financial freedom. But if all your wealth is tied up in your home, it’s not working for you. It’s locked away."

● The traditional mindset around money focuses on saving and cutting costs, but hoarding money doesn’t create financial security—it creates stagnation.

● Getting liquid means moving money out of restrictive accounts (like retirement plans with penalties) and putting it into investments that generate real cash flow.

3️⃣The Steward Mindset—How to Make Money Work for You (16:22)

● "Savers and spenders both operate in scarcity. The only way to truly win with money is to become a steward—someone who understands how to manage cash flow wisely while letting money work for them."

● A steward doesn’t just accumulate wealth—they make sure it keeps growing. That means thinking beyond retirement accounts and into passive income streams like real estate, lending, and cash-flowing investments.

● Breaking free from the traditional financial system requires a mindset shift. Most people think about money in terms of security and control, but real wealth is about movement and opportunity.

�� Notable Quotes:

�� "The people who taught you to lock money away in retirement accounts? The financial institutions. They don’t want you using your money—they want to control it."

�� "I walked away from being a financial advisor because I realized the system wasn’t designed to create wealth—it was designed to keep people working forever."

�� "Screw the ‘should’ life when it comes to money. Financial freedom isn’t about sacrifice—it’s about smart, strategic cash flow."

This episode is your wake-up call to rethink everything you’ve been told about money. If you want true financial freedom, you have to stop playing by the old rules—and start creating your own.

�� Listen now and start your radical financial reinvention!

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Guest: Karen Gray, CEO & Founder of Gray Legacy Coaching Karen Gray is a powerhouse in leadership and personal transformation. As the CEO and founder of Gray Legacy Coaching and President of Texas Business Women Inc., she’s a force behind helping individuals unlock their innate strengths and step into confident leadership. With a passion for aligning values, intentions, and purpose, Karen is a true catalyst for meaningful change in life and business.

Episode Overview

The workplace is evolving rapidly, and with that change comes uncertainty, stress, and the constant pressure to adapt. In this episode, we dive deep into what it really means to lead—whether you’re an executive or someone navigating career shifts. We explore how to operate from a place of alignment, how to break free from toxic workplace patterns, and how to step into leadership—regardless of your job title.

If you've ever felt disempowered at work or questioned your next move, this conversation is for you.

�� Three Game-Changing Takeaways

1️⃣Your Leadership Starts Now—No Permission Needed

2️⃣Toxic Work Environments Don’t Define You—Your Choices Do 3️⃣Embracing Change is the Key to Thriving in Midlife & Beyond

�� Key Topics & Insights

1️⃣The Power of Intentional Leadership (06:00)

�� "Each one can reach one." Karen shares how every person—regardless of position—can shift workplace culture by leading through example and operating from clear values. She explains how intentional leadership begins with self-respect, setting boundaries, and showing up with integrity, even in challenging environments.

�� Explanation: Many believe leadership is reserved for those at the top, but true leadership is about influence, not authority. When individuals model aligned, values-driven behavior, they create ripple effects that shift organizational culture.

2️⃣How to Navigate Toxic Workplaces Without Losing Yourself (10:07)

�� "When I’m reacting in retribution, I lower my own energy." Karen discusses the challenge of working in environments where fear, control, and negativity dominate. She breaks down the importance of maintaining emotional intelligence, setting healthy detachment, and recognizing that toxic environments do not define personal worth.

�� Explanation: Workplaces can trigger deep emotional responses, making it tempting to react impulsively. However, those who master self-awareness and emotional regulation maintain their inner peace, operate from strength, and often inspire change in others.

3️⃣The Courage to Pivot & Reinvent Yourself at Any Age (19:22)

�� "You’ve been investing this whole time for what’s next." Karen shares her personal journey of leaving a long-time career in financial services to step into her true calling. She dismantles the myth of the “sunk cost fallacy” and explains how every past experience contributes to future success—even if it seems unrelated at first.

�� Explanation: Many hesitate to make career pivots out of fear of wasted time or lost identity. But reinvention is not about discarding the past—it’s about integrating everything learned into a more aligned, fulfilling path forward.

�� Notable Quotes

✨ "If you believe you’re powerless, you will find proof that you are." ✨ "We all have the choice to change the energy in the spaces we enter." ✨ "The cost of staying in the wrong place is always greater than the fear of change."

�� Final Thought

This episode is a call to action: Own your power. Whether you’re in a leadership role or just getting started, your ability to influence change starts with how you show up every single day. Stop waiting for external circumstances to improve—be the leader in your life and career now.

�� Loved this conversation? Share it with someone feeling stuck in their career or questioning their next move. The ripple effect starts with YOU.

�� Listen Now & Step Into Your Radical Leadership!

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In this transformative episode, we sit down with the incredible Michelle Rios—a transformational coach and mentor for high-achieving CEOs, entrepreneurs, and leaders. With over 25 years of experience, Michelle has guided top executives and visionaries through self-discovery, alignment, and a deeper sense of purpose beyond traditional definitions of success. As the host of the Live Your Extraordinary Life podcast, Michelle is on a mission to help people step into their most authentic and fulfilling lives.

Today, we’re dismantling the myths of success, uncovering why so many high achievers feel unfulfilled, and learning how to embrace extraordinary living on your own terms.

3 Powerful Takeaways 🔥 Success Without Fulfillment is an Empty Victory – The traditional milestones of success—wealth, titles, and accolades—won’t bring lasting happiness if they aren't aligned with your authentic self.

🔥 Trust Yourself & Take the Leap – Fear of uncertainty keeps so many people stuck, but true transformation happens when you trust your inner wisdom and take bold action.

🔥 Reinvention Starts with Inner Work – You don’t need to change your whole life overnight, but shifting your beliefs, raising your energy, and taking aligned action will create extraordinary results.

Key Topics & Time Stamps 1️⃣ The Myth of Traditional Success & Why It’s No Longer Enough (01:53) 📌 Quote: “If you think that once you have these things—money, the corner office, the accolades—you’ll finally be happy, that’s a serious trap to fall into” (01:53). 💡 The societal definition of success—luxury, status, financial abundance—has been deeply ingrained in us. But for many high achievers, reaching these milestones still leaves them feeling unfulfilled. Chasing external validation without internal alignment often results in burnout and dissatisfaction.

2️⃣ Why Taking the Leap is Scary—But Necessary (12:52) 📌 Quote: “Even in the profound uncertainty, it almost doesn’t matter because you feel so filled up by living your truth” (12:52). 💡 Making the decision to step away from the comfort of a successful career or life path can feel terrifying. The fear of losing financial stability or starting over keeps people stuck. But when you align your actions with your true calling, the rewards far outweigh the risks. The real regret isn’t failing—it’s never trying.

3️⃣ The Reinvention Formula: Beliefs, Energy & Aligned Action (21:32) 📌 Quote: “The ability for you to go from someone who had nothing to someone living abundantly is simply a matter of shifting beliefs and taking action in alignment with that” (21:32). 💡 Reinvention isn’t just about changing careers or moving across the world—it starts from within. Shifting your mindset, breaking free from limiting beliefs, and stepping into a new energetic frequency can create profound transformation. Journaling, visualization, and meditation are valuable tools, but real change happens when action follows intention.

Final Thoughts If you’ve ever felt like you’re "successful on paper" but something is still missing, this episode is a must-listen. Michelle reminds us that true joy comes from alignment, authenticity, and taking courageous action toward the life we truly desire.

✨ What does extraordinary living look like for YOU? Start by asking: What do I truly want? The answers might surprise you.

📍 Connect with Michelle Rios: 🌎 Website: MichelleRiosOfficial.com 🎙 Podcast: Live Your Extraordinary Life 📱 Instagram: @MichelleRiosOfficial

🎧 Listen now and start rewriting your success story!

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Guest: Natalie Ledwell Today, we’re diving deep into manifestation, brainwave technology, and the science behind visualization with a powerhouse in the personal development world—Natalie Ledwell. She’s a best-selling author, co-founder of Mind Movies, and the visionary behind groundbreaking emotional intelligence coaching and AI-based tools for personal growth. Her work has transformed the lives of over 10 million people worldwide, and today, she’s here to reveal a new way to manifest desires faster than ever before.

If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, limiting beliefs, or wondered why traditional visualization hasn’t worked for you, this episode is about to flip the script on everything you thought you knew about manifestation.

Top 3 Takeaways 🔹 Reprogram Your Mind for Success – The subconscious holds the key to transformation. Mind Movies and brainwave entrainment accelerate belief shifts, making success inevitable.

🔹 Emotions Are the Secret Sauce to Manifestation – Visualization alone isn’t enough. Embodying the feeling of already having what you desire is what makes it a reality.

🔹 Action + Alignment = Rapid Results – The Universe responds to bold action. When you trust the process and take the first step, opportunities you never expected will appear.

Main Topics & Timestamps 1. The Science of Brainwave Technology & Manifestation (10:12) "When you're in a suggestible state, your subconscious mind absorbs new beliefs at an accelerated rate."

Brainwave entrainment technology works by shifting brain frequencies to theta state, which is the gateway to the subconscious mind.
This allows for rapid rewiring of limiting beliefs and faster manifestation of goals.
Unlike traditional affirmations or vision boards, Mind Movies combine imagery, affirmations, and music to reinforce neural pathways that align with your desires.
Why Most People Struggle with Manifestation (22:30) "You can't just visualize success—you have to FEEL it."
Many struggle with manifestation because they only focus on seeing their goals instead of feeling them.
Emotion is the bridge between visualization and reality. The more vividly you experience a goal in your mind—engaging all senses—the faster your subconscious aligns to make it happen.
Example: If you’re manifesting love, don’t just picture a relationship—feel the joy, security, and connection as if it’s already happening.
Taking Inspired Action: The Missing Piece in Manifestation (35:17) "The Universe meets you at the point of action. If you don’t move, neither does your dream."
Manifestation isn’t just about thinking—it requires bold, decisive action.
The “first step” doesn’t have to be perfect. Taking any step in alignment with your goal builds momentum, allowing the Universe to respond.
Example: A woman creating a Mind Movie for her dream career took an unexpected meeting, which led to her biggest opportunity. She didn’t plan for it—it appeared because she was in alignment.

Notable Quote: "Your thoughts shape your reality, but your emotions and actions make it inevitable."

Final Thoughts This episode is a game-changer for anyone ready to move beyond wishful thinking and start manifesting with precision. The key? Leverage brainwave technology, embody the emotions of your goal, and take inspired action.

▶ Want to see how Mind Movies can accelerate your manifestation? Check out Natalie’s groundbreaking work and start shifting your subconscious today!

This conversation will change the way you think about success, abundance, and creating your dream life. Let’s make manifestation work for YOU. 🚀

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Guest: Katie Sampaio, founder of Thrive Life & Business Coaching for Entrepreneurs, creator of Thrive Fitness Adventure and Transformational Retreats, bestselling author, and a global nomad since 2018. Katie has helped high-achievers step into their next level of success through her seven-pillar life redesign system, merging mindset, business strategy, and adventure for a truly fulfilling life.

Episode Overview: If you’ve ever felt like you’re meant for more but aren’t sure how to break free from the cycle of stress and self-doubt, this episode is your roadmap. Today, we’re diving deep into how mindset mastery, personal growth, and taking bold action can lead to true freedom—whether in business, life, or adventure.

🔥 3 Key Takeaways: 1️⃣ Your Mindset is Your Greatest Business Strategy – Success isn’t just about action; it’s about shifting the deep-seated beliefs that shape behavior and outcomes.

2️⃣ Freedom Comes from Taking Ownership – Waiting for permission or the "right time" keeps success at a distance. Owning personal responsibility accelerates transformation.

3️⃣ Turn Your Passion into a Thriving Business – What you naturally love to talk about and help others with can be the foundation of your most fulfilling career.

🔑 Key Topics & Time Stamps 📍 Mindset Over Strategy: The Secret to Lasting Success (10:32) "It's not the business strategy that’s the issue—it’s you. Until you decide to point the finger back at yourself, you'll keep staying stuck." (Katie Sampaio)

The most powerful shift happens internally before external success follows. Without deep self-awareness, limiting beliefs create invisible barriers, no matter how much knowledge or strategy is gained. Rewiring the subconscious patterns around success, money, and worth is what allows business breakthroughs to happen.

📍 Creating a Life of Freedom and Adventure—Without Waiting for Permission (22:47) "You don’t need a corporate paycheck to be safe—you need trust in yourself. The only way to have real security is by designing it on your terms."

The belief that stability only comes from traditional jobs keeps many from pursuing their dreams. True freedom is built by taking ownership of choices, surrounding yourself with the right community, and aligning work with a meaningful mission. The first step is releasing the idea that there’s one "right" path to success.

📍 Finding Your Business Sweet Spot: What You Love to Talk About is Your Goldmine (35:21) "What do you talk about endlessly, even for free? That’s your purpose, and you can turn it into a thriving business."

Building a purpose-driven business starts by recognizing the common thread in personal passions, life experiences, and what naturally lights a fire inside. Instead of getting stuck on “how” to package it, focus on the core message and let the vehicle evolve over time.

🎤 Notable Quote: "What’s normal is what’s NOT working. Change it."

🔥 If you’re ready to step into your next level of success and design a business and life on your terms, this episode is a must-listen!

📢 Listen Now & Take the First Step Toward Your Next-Level Life! 🚀

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Episode Introduction: Dating in today’s world can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes downright discouraging. But what if dating could be empowering? What if it became a tool for self-discovery rather than self-doubt?

In this episode, I sit down with Julie Krawczyk and Yue Hsu, co-hosts of the hit Dateable podcast and authors of How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love. These two have spent years studying modern dating trends and have identified why so many people feel stuck in a cycle of disappointment. We break down the dating crisis, the five dating archetypes, and how to date from a place of authenticity and self-awareness rather than fear or societal pressure.

If you’ve ever wondered why dating feels so hard—and how to change that—this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways: 💡 Dating Isn’t Broken—But the Way We Approach It Might Be 💡 Understanding Your Dating Archetype is Key to Relationship Success 💡 Self-Awareness and Core Needs Should Shape Your Dating Approach

Episode Breakdown & Topics Discussed: 1️⃣ The Modern Dating Crisis – Why It Feels Harder Than Ever (07:32) 🔹 Many daters feel exhausted by the process, cycling through apps with little success. 🔹 There’s a social paradox: too many options, yet a feeling that no one is "right." 🔹 Dating has become performative rather than authentic, leading to burnout.

"Most people today feel like dating is frustrating, depleting, and not even worth it. But then there’s a smaller group of people who find dating exciting, expansive, and even energizing." (07:45)

📌 Why this matters: When dating feels like a chore, it’s often because the approach is misaligned. Understanding the external pressures that shape dating culture—such as social media, unrealistic expectations, and comparison traps—allows for a mindset shift toward dating in a way that feels fulfilling.

2️⃣ The Five Dating Archetypes – Which One Are You? (18:20) 🔹 The Maverick – Independent and self-sufficient but may push people away at the first sign of conflict. 🔹 The Achiever – Goal-oriented and driven, but may struggle to stay present in relationships. 🔹 The Dreamer – Romantic and hopeful but prone to idealizing partners and ignoring red flags. 🔹 The Thinker – Analytical and cautious, but may overanalyze and struggle to trust the dating process. 🔹 The Energizer – Fun and magnetic, but may struggle with consistency and emotional depth.

"Your dating archetype isn't about what’s 'wrong' with you—it's about understanding how you naturally approach dating, so you can lean into your strengths and be aware of your blind spots." (19:05)

📌 Why this matters: Identifying your dating archetype helps uncover patterns that may be blocking connection. When dating is approached with self-awareness, it becomes easier to make intentional choices and find a partner who truly aligns with your values and relationship goals.

3️⃣ Self-Awareness & Core Needs – The Key to Empowered Dating (31:45) 🔹 Many daters focus on who they want instead of how they want to feel in a relationship. 🔹 Recognizing core needs (e.g., consistency, emotional safety, or intellectual stimulation) leads to better compatibility. 🔹 Setting boundaries from a place of self-worth (instead of fear or scarcity) creates healthier relationship dynamics.

"Dating gets easier when you stop trying to follow the 'rules' and start leading with your core needs. If someone doesn’t meet them, they’re simply not your person—and that’s okay." (33:20)

📌 Why this matters: The dating process shifts when it becomes about honoring your own needs rather than proving your worth to someone else. Clarity around core needs fosters confidence and prevents the cycle of settling for emotionally unavailable or misaligned partners.

Final Thought: Dating isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s about becoming the most authentic version of yourself in the process. When approached with self-awareness, dating becomes an opportunity for growth, empowerment, and genuine connection.

💖 Want to find your dating archetype? Take the quiz at HowToBeDateable.com! 🎧 Listen to the full episode now and start dating with confidence!

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Episode Introduction: Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a life that looks good on paper but doesn’t quite feel like you? Maybe you’ve been told to play it safe, to follow the 'practical' path, and now you're wondering if it's too late to reclaim your dreams.

Today, we’re joined by Dr. Drayvon James, a powerhouse in personal development, life coaching, and empowerment. As a pharmacist, actress, leadership expert, and transformation specialist, she has mastered the art of reinvention. In this episode, we dive deep into self-worth, overcoming fear, and breaking through the limits that hold us back—because transformation isn’t about waiting for the perfect moment, it’s about choosing yourself today.

Top 3 Takeaways: 1️⃣ Self-Validation is the Key to Transformation – Stop waiting for permission to pursue your dreams. The power to change starts with believing in your worth. 2️⃣ Fear is Part of the Journey—Not a Sign to Quit – The obstacles you face aren’t roadblocks; they’re part of the path to personal growth. 3️⃣ Reinvention is Your Birthright – It's never too late to pivot, rediscover your passion, and step into a life that truly aligns with who you are.

Main Topics & Notable Quotes: 1. Self-Validation: The Foundation of Personal Growth (07:45) 🔹 Quote: "We have to learn how to validate ourselves first. That’s adulting 101."

🔹 Explanation: Growth begins the moment self-worth stops depending on external validation. Many are conditioned to seek approval from family, society, or career achievements—but the real breakthrough comes when personal value is recognized from within. Letting go of the need for others’ approval creates space for fearless transformation.

Fear & Self-Doubt: Why They Show Up When You're Growing (22:10) 🔹 Quote: "When you change your focus, you change your reality. What if you saw every setback as a setup for something greater?"

🔹 Explanation: Fear and self-doubt often signal expansion. Challenges are not proof that something is impossible but evidence that growth is happening. Instead of retreating, shifting focus toward gratitude and self-awareness can turn perceived failures into stepping stones for success.

Reinvention & Pursuing Dreams at Any Age (35:30) 🔹 Quote: "It’s not too late. You don’t have to choose for life—you just have to choose for now."

🔹 Explanation: Many believe they are ‘too far down the road’ to pivot, but this mindset keeps people stuck in outdated versions of themselves. The truth? Reinvention is always possible. Dreams evolve, and the courage to adapt is what separates those who thrive from those who stay stuck in fear.

Final Thought: If you’ve been waiting for a sign to trust yourself, pivot, and step into a life that excites you—this is it. Growth requires self-awareness, courage, and the willingness to redefine what’s possible. Remember: you don’t need permission to change your life. You just need to choose.

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Guest Introduction: In this candid and empowering episode, we’re joined by Bernie, a successful professional who embarked on a transformative dating journey. After years of frustration, Bernie realized that self-awareness and personal growth were key to unlocking better relationships. She shares how shifting her mindset, improving her communication, and embracing vulnerability led to intentional dating success.

Episode Introduction: Are you tired of dating feeling like a chore? This episode offers practical relationship advice on how to bring more intention, authenticity, and self-awareness into your dating life. Bernie’s story is a testament to the power of personal growth, and we’ll explore how small mindset shifts can lead to major transformations in both dating and life.

Top 3 Takeaways:

Intentional Dating Starts with Clarity and a Defined Goal (45:10)
Effective Communication Builds Confidence and Connection (52:24)
Self-Awareness Creates Freedom and Authenticity in Dating (59:30)

Main Topics 1. Intentional Dating and Defined Goals (45:10)

“It’s about working toward a goal—not just meeting people for the sake of it, but knowing exactly what you want.” Explanation: Dating with intention requires clarity about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Having a defined goal eliminates unnecessary distractions and ensures that every interaction is purposeful. This approach leads to more meaningful connections and reduces frustration.

Building Confidence Through Communication (52:24)

“Now, I respond differently—kindly, clearly, and with purpose—whether it’s a yes or a no.” Explanation: Open, honest communication is a game-changer in dating. By responding intentionally and authentically, it becomes easier to maintain integrity and build trust. Confidence grows when interactions are clear and respectful, making the dating experience more enjoyable.

The Role of Self-Awareness in Dating Success (59:30)

“I didn’t realize before how much my fear was influencing my dating behavior. Now, I feel free to be myself.” Explanation: Self-awareness is essential for breaking old patterns and fostering personal growth. Recognizing how fear or past experiences may be affecting dating behaviors helps to create space for healthier, more authentic connections. This leads to dating from a place of empowerment rather than fear.

Notable Quote:

“Dating doesn’t have to be hard. Once you clean up your internal stuff, it becomes a process of learning and having fun.”

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Guest Introduction: In this heartfelt episode, we’re diving deep into the world of holiday relationships and personal growth with Marni Battista, a well-known relationship expert who has been guiding people toward self-improvement, emotional health, and better dating experiences for over a decade. Marni shares her insights on goal setting for relationships, how self-talk shapes our reality, and the power of self-assessment in creating authentic connections.

Episode Introduction: Navigating the holiday season can be tough when it comes to relationships, personal growth, and emotional well-being. Whether you’re single and reflecting on dating patterns or looking to improve communication with loved ones, this episode offers practical tips on self-assessment, goal setting, and breaking free from negative self-talk.

Top 3 Takeaways:

Assess, Don’t Judge – Focus on Growth, Not Drama (21:15)
Data Over Drama – Let Facts Guide Your Dating Strategy (29:43)
Self-Talk Shapes Your Self-Acceptance and Attraction (35:12)

Main Topics 1. The Power of Self-Assessment in Relationships (21:15)

“Look at the facts, don’t turn them into a giant story where you’re the victim of circumstance. Assess what worked and what didn’t, and then make adjustments.” Explanation: Approaching relationships and personal growth with a mindset of self-assessment rather than judgment helps to foster a proactive, solution-oriented attitude. This process of reflection allows individuals to identify patterns and make deliberate changes without being weighed down by negative emotions or self-blame.

Using Data to Drive Dating Goals (29:43)

“Are your photos reflective of who you really are? Is your profile written from a place of what you want to create or from what you don’t want?” Explanation: Successful dating requires intentionality and clarity. By treating dating like any other goal-setting process—based on real data and not emotional stories—it becomes easier to align actions with the desired outcomes. This approach minimizes wasted effort and increases the chances of finding authentic connections.

Rewriting Negative Self-Talk to Boost Emotional Health (35:12)

“I don’t talk to myself the way I talk to others. The tone of my inner voice matters—it’s either empowering or debilitating.” Explanation: Self-talk is a powerful force that shapes confidence, emotional health, and attraction. By becoming aware of negative self-talk patterns and shifting to a more supportive internal dialogue, individuals can enhance their self-acceptance, which directly influences how they show up in relationships and life.

Notable Quote:

“You can argue for your limitations or argue for possibility. Which one do you want to choose?”

Connections:

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Guest Introduction: In today’s inspiring episode, we’re joined by Adelajda Child, a certified Psyche-K instructor who has dedicated her life to helping others achieve profound personal transformation. After facing burnout and life challenges in her late 20s, Adelajda discovered Psyche-K—a unique mind technology that reprograms limiting beliefs by accessing the subconscious mind. Through muscle testing, whole brain states, and energy work, she now guides individuals in overcoming subconscious barriers, creating lasting change, and embracing self-healing and self-discovery.

Episode Introduction: What if you could easily rewire your limiting beliefs in just minutes? This episode dives deep into Psyche-K, a modality designed to unlock the true potential of the subconscious mind and transform deeply rooted patterns. We’ll explore practical ways to communicate with the subconscious, achieve whole brain states, and break free from beliefs that no longer serve you.

Top 3 Takeaways:

You Can’t Think Your Way Out of Subconscious Blocks: Real change happens when you shift limiting beliefs at the subconscious level (25:34).
Whole Brain State Equals Empowerment: Achieving a whole brain state fosters balance between logic and intuition, enabling more confident decision-making (32:17).
Change Can Be Effortless and Lasting: With Psyche-K, transformations happen quickly and don’t require repetitive reinforcement—once it’s shifted, it’s done (40:12).

Main Topics 1. Reprogramming the Subconscious Mind with Muscle Testing (12:45)

“Psyche-K allows you to communicate directly with your subconscious mind through muscle testing.” Explanation: Muscle testing is a powerful method to access the subconscious, where deeply ingrained beliefs reside. By identifying whether you subconsciously believe in a specific affirmation or desire, this technique helps pinpoint hidden blocks. Shifting subconscious beliefs ensures that efforts toward goals are aligned at both conscious and subconscious levels, increasing the likelihood of success.

The Whole Brain State and Its Benefits (32:17)

“A whole brain state balances the analytical left brain with the intuitive right brain, creating harmony and trust in your decisions.” Explanation: A whole brain state integrates both hemispheres of the brain, fostering a balanced approach to challenges. It reduces overthinking, enhances emotional intelligence, and builds the inner confidence necessary to act without second-guessing. This state allows for clearer thinking and greater alignment with one’s true purpose.

Instant, Lasting Change Without Repetition (40:12)

“Once the shift is made at the subconscious level, there’s no need to keep repeating affirmations or meditations—it’s done.” Explanation: Unlike other modalities that require ongoing practice, Psyche-K delivers rapid and lasting transformation by working directly with the subconscious. This eliminates the need for constant reinforcement, freeing up mental energy for living fully and authentically.

Notable Quote:

“You cannot think your way out of your thoughts… it requires the courage to test what you truly believe and shift it at the root.”

Connections:

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Guest Introduction: Dr. Greg Hammer, a retired Stanford University professor and author of GAIN Without Pain: The Happiness Handbook for Healthcare Professionals, shares his groundbreaking GAIN method for cultivating mindfulness, reducing stress, and fostering resilience. With decades of experience in medicine and wellness, Dr. Hammer introduces practical strategies to help individuals build a foundation for lasting happiness and well-being.

Episode Topic: In this episode, we delve into the physiological and emotional effects of chronic stress and how intentional mindfulness practices can rewire the brain for happiness. Dr. Hammer’s GAIN method offers a simple yet powerful framework to cultivate gratitude, acceptance, intention, and non-judgment in daily life.

Three Key Takeaways: 1. Gratitude is the foundation for happiness and stress relief. 2. Chronic stress can be reduced by practicing acceptance and intentional breathing. 3. Non-judgment fosters resilience and reduces emotional reactivity.

Main Topics: 1. The Role of Gratitude in Happiness (Timestamp: 10:20) Explanation: Gratitude shifts focus from challenges to abundance, reinforcing positivity and reducing the impact of stressors. Cultivating gratitude enhances well-being by countering the brain's natural negativity bias. Notable Quote: "You can't imagine someone being happy and ungrateful—gratitude is intrinsic to happiness." Impact: Gratitude provides a mental reset, emphasizing what truly matters and alleviating stress's hold on emotions.

Acceptance as a Stress Management Tool (Timestamp: 18:45) Explanation: Acceptance neutralizes suffering by reducing resistance to pain or discomfort. It allows individuals to process challenging emotions without amplifying their impact, fostering emotional clarity. Notable Quote: "Suffering equals pain times resistance. If we reduce resistance, we can diminish suffering." Impact: Practicing acceptance empowers individuals to confront difficulties with calmness, fostering resilience and emotional strength.
Non-Judgment and Rewiring the Brain (Timestamp: 30:10) Explanation: Releasing judgment—of oneself, others, or circumstances—frees mental energy for constructive action. This practice rewires the brain to respond rather than react, building emotional resilience. Notable Quote: "Let go of judgment. The world is as it is, and we are simply who we are." Impact: By embracing non-judgment, individuals reduce emotional reactivity, creating a sense of inner peace and balance.

Closing Thoughts: Dr. Hammer’s GAIN method offers a powerful way to reduce stress and cultivate happiness through daily mindfulness practices. By focusing on gratitude, acceptance, intention, and non-judgment, individuals can rewire their brains for positivity and build a life of resilience and well-being. Start small, commit to the practice, and watch the transformation unfold.

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Guest Introduction Jessie Bennett, a yoga and pilates instructor, children’s author, and wellness advocate, is on a mission to bring mindfulness into the lives of children and families. Her books, inspired by her own experiences as a mother, teach practices like breathwork and meditation in an accessible and engaging way. Jessie believes in the power of simple tools to help regulate emotions and create meaningful connections. Episode Topic This episode explores how cultivating mindfulness can transform the way we approach emotions, parenting, and self-awareness. Jessie shares actionable insights on using breathwork, storytelling, and intentional practices to build calm, kindness, and resilience in everyday life.

Three Key Takeaways

Modeling calmness helps others mirror the same energy in their interactions.
Simple tools like deep breathing and open-ended journaling create space for emotional regulation and connection.
Embracing imperfection and new experiences fosters growth and confidence.

Main Topics with Timestamps

Modeling Calmness and Mindfulness (Timestamp: 06:10) Explanation: Demonstrating calmness in your own behavior can influence others to mirror the same energy. This principle highlights the importance of embodying mindfulness rather than just instructing it. When calmness is practiced regularly, it becomes a shared experience. Notable Quote: "If I embody calm and mindfulness, my children naturally find it within themselves without me saying a word."
Creating Tools for Emotional Regulation (Timestamp: 15:25) Explanation: Simple practices like taking deep breaths, journaling, or listening to calming meditations can empower individuals to handle challenging emotions without feeling overwhelmed. These tools encourage self-regulation in a non-intimidating and accessible way. Notable Quote: "It’s amazing to watch energy settle with just a deep breath—it’s our superpower to come home to ourselves."
Turning Down Outside Noise to Honor Inner Voices (Timestamp: 28:45) Explanation: Focusing on what truly brings joy and fulfillment helps reduce the pressure of external expectations. This practice can nurture confidence and self-awareness, allowing individuals to align with their own values and passions. Notable Quote: "Turn down the outside chatter and turn up the voice that lights you up—it’s the key to feeling whole."
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Guest Introduction: In this empowering episode, Dr. Mary Giffara, an internationally renowned therapist, author, and speaker, shares her expertise on creating and sustaining fulfilling relationships. With years of experience helping couples restore connection, Dr. Giffara introduces key strategies from her book, Two by Two on the Arc: Four Strategies for Lasting Love. Her insights illuminate how personal growth, emotional regulation, and intentional communication can transform relationships into a thriving partnership.

Main Takeaways: 1. Embrace Self-Awareness to Navigate Emotional Triggers 2. Leave Space for Individual Growth Within Relationships 3. Operate on Multiple Levels: Logic, Emotion, and Sensation

Main Topics: 1. Understanding Emotional Triggers (Timestamp: 12:45) Explanation: Emotional triggers are often rooted in past experiences, not present relationships. Recognizing when reactions stem from unresolved feelings enables individuals to respond with intention rather than emotion. This practice fosters healthier interactions and reduces repetitive conflicts. Notable Quote: "Someone does something, and it triggers something in me that predates them—maybe my mother, my last partner, or an earlier experience." Impact: By addressing the root cause of emotional triggers, individuals can take responsibility for their reactions and avoid misplacing blame, paving the way for deeper connection.

Leave Space for Love and Growth (Timestamp: 24:10) Explanation: Successful relationships depend on creating space for individuality. A healthy dynamic allows each partner to grow independently while maintaining a shared bond. Over-fusion—when one partner subsumes the other’s emotions or thoughts—stifles this balance. Notable Quote: "Space for you to be you, space for me to be me, and space for us to be us." Impact: This approach respects autonomy and mutual growth, fostering an environment where both partners can thrive emotionally and intellectually.
Engage All Three Levels of Communication (Timestamp: 36:20) Explanation: Dr. Giffara emphasizes the importance of operating on all three levels of communication: logical reasoning, emotional expression, and physical sensations. Neglecting any of these dimensions creates imbalances in how partners relate and respond to one another. Notable Quote: "Leave space to meet reason, emotion, and sensation. Don’t mix them up." Impact: Integrating these elements of communication ensures holistic connection and prevents misunderstandings rooted in incomplete interactions.

Closing Thoughts: Dr. Giffara’s strategies challenge the notion that love alone is enough to sustain a relationship. By focusing on self-awareness, mutual growth, and comprehensive communication, individuals can transform how they engage with their partners and themselves.

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Introduction: In this transformative episode, we explore the intricate dynamics of modern workplace culture with Marie Gervais, a visionary leadership coach and author of The Spirit of Work. Together, we uncover actionable strategies to bring joy, emotional well-being, and resilience back into professional life. Through techniques like nervous system regulation, conscious communication, and fostering self-awareness, this discussion provides tools to create thriving, productive environments in the face of volatility.

Main Takeaways: 1. Regulate Before You React: Emotional intelligence begins with managing your nervous system. 2. Loneliness Is a Silent Epidemic: Connection is the cornerstone of workplace joy and productivity. 3. Joy Is Sustainable: Resilience practices replace burnout with enduring happiness and growth.

Main Topics with Timestamps: 1. Nervous System Regulation for Emotional Intelligence (15:25) Calmness starts with self-awareness and breathing, which can shift the fight-or-flight response. Recognizing the body’s signals leads to better decision-making and emotional regulation.

* Quote: "The only autonomic function we can control is breathing. Start there, and you calm the nervous system."
* Explanation: Practicing conscious breathing allows for emotional clarity, creating space to respond rather than react impulsively, even in high-stress environments.

Overcoming Workplace Loneliness (32:10) Virtual and hybrid work environments have amplified isolation. Building intentional connections combats loneliness and revitalizes workplace culture.
- Quote: "Workplace loneliness isn’t just inconvenient—it’s a direct barrier to career growth and emotional well-being."
- Explanation: Addressing loneliness fosters creativity, collaboration, and satisfaction, making intentional check-ins and shared activities essential for maintaining a sense of belonging.
- Resilience and the Power of Acceptance (47:50) Resilience is built gradually by accepting current emotions and taking small, deliberate steps toward growth. Joy comes from embracing what is, rather than pushing through with force.
- Quote: "Resilience isn’t about toughness; it’s about recognizing your limits and gently expanding them."
- Explanation: Acceptance reduces resistance and opens doors to change. This practice nurtures sustainable joy, replacing burnout with lasting fulfillment.

Notable Quotes: * "Dopamine hits from stress are fleeting; joy is sustained when resilience becomes a habit." * "Acceptance is not passive—it’s the gateway to meaningful action and growth." * "The workplace can be a sanctuary of joy when leaders foster safety, wellness, and learning."

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Introduction: In this enlightening episode, we dive into the complex and often humorous realities of modern dating and relationship dynamics. Chris Gillis, a seasoned relationship coach, brings a wealth of insights into how communication, emotional intelligence, and unspoken power dynamics shape our connections. From discussing passive aggression to addressing personal growth in relationships, this conversation is packed with wisdom on how to foster stronger, more fulfilling partnerships.

Main Takeaways: 1. Communication is a Superpower: Clear expectations prevent resentment and foster appreciation. 2. Non-Negotiables Are Essential: Knowing your values creates stronger, more balanced relationships. 3. Self-Worth Drives Connection: Confidence in one’s value encourages healthier dynamics.

Main Topics with Timestamps: 1. Passive Aggression and Resentment in Relationships (18:05) Clear communication about roles and expectations prevents the build-up of silent frustrations. Acknowledging effort, whether in taking out the trash or showing affection, builds goodwill and reduces scorekeeping.

* Quote: "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen."
* Explanation: Without clear boundaries, partners unknowingly set themselves up for conflict. Expressing gratitude and proactively defining roles strengthens mutual respect.

Non-Negotiables and Relationship Dynamics (31:42) Establishing core values early in a relationship creates a foundation for trust and growth. Gillis emphasizes the importance of choosing a partner who shares your commitment to personal development.
- Quote: "The guy I want to be with values learning and growing for himself."
- Explanation: Prioritizing growth-oriented partners cultivates mutual support and ensures both individuals thrive, reducing the likelihood of stagnation.
- The Role of Self-Worth in Online and Offline Dating (47:19) The Gini coefficient analogy reveals how perceptions of inequality manifest in dating apps. Confidence in self-worth and uniqueness cuts through the noise of competition.
- Quote: "We teach others how to value us by how we value ourselves."
- Explanation: Embracing self-worth reshapes interactions, fostering authentic and fulfilling connections in the face of modern dating challenges.

Notable Quotes: * "Believing your partner can is the first step to true collaboration." * "Generosity in spirit keeps a relationship thriving, even in the face of challenges." * "Resentment comes from unspoken expectations—communication is the cure."

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Introduction: In this episode, Sarah Walton, a dynamic business coach and sales expert, unpacks the powerful connection between money mindset and personal growth. Raised in a low-income household, Sarah knows the unspoken rules and financial beliefs that shape our lives. She brings her signature no-nonsense coaching strategies to reveal how women in business can break free from scarcity, embrace abundance, and cultivate confidence in sales and life.

This conversation dives into how mindset shifts around time, money, and self-worth can transform your business and personal development journey.

Main Takeaways: 1. Unspoken Rules Shape Financial Beliefs: Identifying inherited beliefs can help dismantle the scarcity mentality. 2. Money is Infinite; Time is Finite: Recognizing this truth can revolutionize decision-making and time management. 3. Confidence Drives Perceived Value: Abundance flows when you confidently own your worth and offerings.

Main Topics with Timestamps: 1. Unspoken Rules and Scarcity Mentality (05:15) Sarah explains how unspoken childhood rules—like "money is stressful" or "more is better"—can unconsciously control decisions. She emphasizes that these beliefs aren’t truths but inherited mindsets.

* Quote: "Unspoken rules run deep, but identifying them allows us to rewrite our stories."
* Impact: Realizing how these unexamined beliefs operate can unlock a sense of freedom and control over your financial choices.

Money vs. Time: Infinite and Finite (23:42) The misconception that time is abundant and money is limited is flipped. Sarah highlights that money flows endlessly in the economy, but time is a resource you can’t replenish.
- Quote: "Billions of dollars circulate daily—it’s about participating in the flow, not fighting it."
- Impact: This mindset shift encourages smarter investments in your time and energy, empowering you to focus on high-value activities.
- Perceived Value and Sales Confidence (41:08) Owning the value of your work is key to thriving in sales. Sarah reframes selling as a transfer of enthusiasm rather than a pushy transaction.
- Quote: "When you trust your value, you can confidently ask for the raise or increase your prices without guilt."
- Impact: Seeing sales as an opportunity to share value transforms fear into empowerment, fostering authenticity in every transaction.

Notable Quotes: * "We come into this world naturally abundant; scarcity is something we learn, but abundance is always available." * "Confidence in your value isn’t about arrogance; it’s about showing up with integrity and love." * "The unexamined psyche will rule your life—question your beliefs to unlock your true potential."

Connections:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Sarah's Website
Sarah's Abundance Acadmey
Coaching Page

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Guest Introduction In today’s powerful episode, we’re joined by Marisa Peters, founder of BCM and an advocate for colorectal cancer awareness, and David Thau, a dedicated fundraiser and speaker for young-onset cancer initiatives. Both Marisa and David are cancer survivors who are transforming their experiences into a mission for change, focusing on the importance of early detection, health conversations, and self-advocacy. They share insights on managing health risks, knowing the symptoms, and taking proactive steps to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Episode Topic The Life-Saving Impact of Early Detection and Family Health Advocacy in Preventing Colorectal Cancer

Top Three Takeaways

Early detection through screening is essential; colonoscopy remains the gold standard.
Knowing your family health history can help in taking preventive actions.
Self-advocacy is vital—trust your symptoms and push for answers.

Main Topics with Timestamps & Explanations 1. The Importance of Early Detection and Screening (Timestamp: 10:20) Marisa and David stress that screening methods, especially colonoscopies, are crucial for catching colorectal cancer early. While there are several testing options, a colonoscopy provides the most comprehensive peace of mind, allowing for the removal of precancerous polyps. This proactive approach can prevent cancer from developing in the first place and significantly increases the chances of effective treatment if cancer is detected.

Notable Quote: “The best test is the one you’ll actually get, but the colonoscopy is the gold standard because it removes polyps and provides the ultimate peace of mind.”

Family Health History as a Guide to Preventive Care (Timestamp: 18:45) Marisa highlights the importance of knowing family health history, as it can indicate when to begin early screening. For families with a history of colorectal cancer, starting screenings before the typical age is essential. Family history isn’t just informative—it’s potentially life-saving, setting a health roadmap that can guide future generations toward prevention and proactive health decisions.

Notable Quote: “Our family health history lays out a map, highlighting potential health risks we can address early on with the right screening.”

Self-Advocacy: Trusting Symptoms and Pushing for Proper Testing (Timestamp: 28:30) David shares his experience with symptoms that were initially overlooked and misdiagnosed. He emphasizes that recognizing persistent symptoms and advocating for oneself are critical steps in preventing late-stage diagnoses. Self-advocacy involves not dismissing symptoms and requesting specific tests, even when initial results are inconclusive. Knowing your body and speaking up can make all the difference in early diagnosis and successful treatment.

Notable Quote: “If you know something isn’t right, keep pushing until you get answers. Self-advocacy can be the difference between an early or a late-stage diagnosis.”

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Guest Introduction In today’s episode, we’re joined by Joanna Kleinman, a transformative psychotherapist, leadership coach, and the founder of the MIND Method. Joanna is passionate about helping people silence the inner critic and unlock their potential through self-awareness and personal growth. Her unique approach, blending coaching with neuroscience and spirituality, empowers individuals to move beyond self-doubt and thrive in their lives.

Episode Topic Dethroning the Inner Critic: How Self-Compassion and the MIND Method Lead to Lasting Transformation

Top Three Takeaways

Recognizing and understanding the inner critic is the first step toward change.
Self-compassion is essential for breaking free from the cycle of self-criticism.
The MIND Method provides a structured approach to building mental resilience and emotional strength.

Main Topics with Timestamps & Explanations 1. Identifying the Inner Critic and Its Role in Self-Sabotage (Timestamp: 7:10) Joanna explains that the inner critic is not just a voice of negativity but a pattern of thought that has developed from early life experiences, ingrained to protect yet often limit growth. Recognizing this critical voice as separate from one’s true self creates a pathway to personal freedom, allowing for choices that align more closely with one's authentic desires and values.

Notable Quote: “The inner critic is that automated voice in your head. Recognize it, question it, and it loses its control over you.”

Embracing Self-Compassion to Move Beyond Limiting Beliefs (Timestamp: 16:30) Joanna emphasizes the power of self-compassion as a tool to dissolve self-judgment and break free from the need for perfection. She describes how self-compassion fosters a growth mindset, reducing the grip of self-criticism and making room for real, lasting change. Embracing kindness towards oneself allows for mistakes without feeling defined by them, promoting resilience and continued personal growth.

Notable Quote: “When you treat yourself with compassion, you’re allowing space for mistakes without being defined by them.”

Applying the MIND Method for Mental and Emotional Resilience (Timestamp: 28:45) The MIND Method, Joanna’s signature framework, helps individuals dismantle the inner critic and reprogram their minds with empowering beliefs. Through practical steps, this method equips individuals with the tools to redirect their thoughts and take control of their emotional experiences. This structure builds resilience and confidence, setting the stage for a future less affected by past patterns and more aligned with personal purpose.

Notable Quote: “The MIND Method lets you dethrone your inner critic and replace it with beliefs that support your growth and happiness.”

Connections:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Website
Dethroning Your Inner Critic: The Four-Step Journey from Self-Doubt to Self-Empowerment

Dethroning Your Inner Critic: The Four-Step Journey from Self-Doubt to Self-Empowerment

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Guest IntroductionOn today’s episode, we’re thrilled to have Thais Gibson, a leading expert in attachment theory and emotional healing with an impressive background in psychology and personal development. Thais has transformed the lives of thousands by helping people understand and heal their core wounds, leading them towards secure, fulfilling relationships. She’s here to share invaluable insights into self-awareness, relationship advice, and effective communication and boundaries.

Top Three Takeaways

Attachment styles are learned, not fixed, and can be reprogrammed.
Core wounds drive most of our fears in relationships, but they can be healed.
Healthy boundaries and communication are essential for creating secure connections.
Reprogramming Attachment Styles (Timestamp: 8:15) Thais explains how attachment styles, often considered fixed, are actually learned patterns developed through childhood experiences. She emphasizes that by understanding and rewiring these patterns, one can cultivate a secure attachment, regardless of previous conditioning. This shift allows for deeper, more authentic connections, as people move away from reactive behaviors to more responsive and compassionate ways of engaging.

Notable Quote: “We’re not born with an attachment style. It’s something conditioned through life experiences, and with the right tools, it can be reprogrammed.”

Healing Core Wounds for Relationship Freedom (Timestamp: 19:05) According to Thais, core wounds—such as fears of abandonment, unworthiness, and rejection—are the root of most relationship struggles. These wounds, once identified, can be intentionally healed through targeted reprogramming, enabling individuals to step into relationships from a place of wholeness. Healing these deep-seated wounds empowers people to engage without fear or excessive self-protection, freeing them to experience joy and trust in relationships.

Notable Quote: “Core wounds act as lenses through which we view relationships, but they don’t have to dictate our future. Healing them opens the door to freedom and happiness.”

Establishing Boundaries and Practicing Self-Awareness (Timestamp: 28:45) Thais discusses the importance of setting boundaries and cultivating self-awareness to create secure, lasting relationships. She highlights that clear boundaries prevent over-attachment or avoidance behaviors, creating a foundation for open, honest communication. Establishing boundaries allows people to express their needs without fear, helping maintain a balance of closeness and independence in relationships.

Notable Quote: “Boundaries are the bridge between love and self-respect, allowing relationships to flourish without compromising personal integrity.”

This episode offers powerful tools and insights for anyone on a journey of personal development. Understanding attachment theory, healing core wounds, and setting boundaries can transform relationships into secure, nurturing connections. Through Thais’s expertise, listeners are inspired to create healthy, meaningful bonds rooted in self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Connections:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Website
New Book: Learning Love
Take Attachment Quiz

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Summary

In this episode of Life Check Yourself, Marni Battista engages in a profound conversation with Jamal Javangi, exploring the depths of human experience, the quest for survival, and the journey towards thriving. They discuss the cultural influences that shape our understanding of loneliness and suffering, the four core survival drivers that motivate human behavior, and the illusion of happiness tied to material possessions. The conversation emphasizes the importance of being present and finding peace within oneself to create a fulfilling life. Jamal shares insights on how to navigate internal conflicts and the significance of starting with being rather than doing to achieve true abundance and happiness.

Takeaways

Everyone wants to survive, but ultimately, we all want to thrive.
The four core survival drivers are safety, freedom, significance, and love.
Material possessions do not equate to happiness; it's about the feelings they represent.
To achieve peace, we must confront our internal conflicts rather than avoid them.
True fulfillment comes from understanding what we really want to feel.
Starting with being allows for a more abundant and fulfilling life.
The mind often misleads us into thinking external achievements will bring internal happiness.
We need to learn how to resource our inner selves for true abundance.
The journey of life is about creating a peaceful existence for ourselves and the world.
Awareness of our thoughts and feelings is crucial in navigating life's challenges.

The Four Core Drivers of Human Fulfillment (Timestamp: 10:25)

Jamal describes the four essential drivers—safety, freedom, significance, and love—as foundational to human happiness and thriving. When these are unmet, individuals often find themselves feeling “stuck,” seeking external validation that never fully satisfies. Embracing these core needs from within fosters a deep sense of purpose and resilience, helping one build a fulfilling life from a place of inner security.

We all need to feel significant, free, safe, and loved. Without these, we’re still in survival mode.

Moving from Survival Mode to True Freedom (Timestamp: 22:10) Modern society has made survival relatively easier, freeing up the space to ask deeper questions about meaning and purpose. Jamal points out that although basic needs are met, a subtle, internal “survival mode” persists, pushing many to seek fulfillment through external measures. By redefining freedom as a choice in mindset and actions, one can shift from scarcity to abundance, empowering them to engage more joyfully and purposefully in life.

We’re not here just to survive. When you start with ‘being,’ work and creation become joyful acts, not survival mechanisms.

Finding Inner Peace by Confronting Inner Conflicts (Timestamp: 35:18) True peace, Jamal explains, is not the absence of conflict but the ability to sit with it, understanding and accepting one’s fears and insecurities without letting them dictate actions. This conscious embrace of uncomfortable emotions dissolves the inner resistance that often blocks personal growth. By facing these parts of oneself with compassion, one creates a sustainable foundation for happiness and fulfillment.

In order to find peace, we have to get present with our inner conflicts, not avoid them. That’s where true harmony begins.

Connections:

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Visit Jamal’s website

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Summary

Takeaways

Everyone wants to survive, but ultimately, we all want to thrive.
The four core survival drivers are safety, freedom, significance, and love.
Material possessions do not equate to happiness; it's about the feelings they represent.
To achieve peace, we must confront our internal conflicts rather than avoid them.
True fulfillment comes from understanding what we really want to feel.
Starting with being allows for a more abundant and fulfilling life.
The mind often misleads us into thinking external achievements will bring internal happiness.
We need to learn how to resource our inner selves for true abundance.
The journey of life is about creating a peaceful existence for ourselves and the world.
Awareness of our thoughts and feelings is crucial in navigating life's challenges.

The Four Core Drivers of Human Fulfillment (Timestamp: 10:25)

We all need to feel significant, free, safe, and loved. Without these, we’re still in survival mode.

We’re not here just to survive. When you start with ‘being,’ work and creation become joyful acts, not survival mechanisms.

In order to find peace, we have to get present with our inner conflicts, not avoid them. That’s where true harmony begins.

Connections:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Visit Jamal’s website

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Chris Gillis to the Life Check Yourself studio where they dive into the essential components that make a man fall deeply in love. Chris Gillis is a professional dating coach with a unique approach to understanding the psychology of dating. Chris brings practical insights and experience from his work with men who are actively seeking meaningful relationships. The duo discussed the importance of maintaining a balanced approach in dating—one that fosters curiosity, preserves mystery, and builds lasting self-assurance. Get ready to explore how confidence, clear intentions, and self-love play crucial roles in creating lasting connections.

Key Takeaways: * Creating healthy space in a relationship can amplify attraction. * Meaningful dating happens through focused interaction rather than endless texting. * Building a strong inner foundation leads to genuine, lasting relationships.

Creating Attraction Through Intentional Scarcity [00:15]

Scarcity in a relationship is about managing how often and intensely one interacts to maintain curiosity and value. Constant availability can dilute appreciation, while intentional space invites excitement and fosters a healthy dynamic. Over-engagement can turn partners into routine rather than desired company.

“When there’s always availability, it becomes routine instead of desired. Intentional scarcity can create more depth in a connection.”

Meaningful Communication vs. Endless Messaging [12:30]

Excessive texting, especially before a first date, can drain the excitement and mystery needed for an authentic connection. Instead, prioritizing in-person or phone interactions can lead to a deeper understanding of compatibility.

“It’s not about how much you text or talk before a date; it’s about what you choose to save for in-person experiences.”

Building Self-Confidence Through Consistent Actions [23:45]

Confidence isn’t instantaneous; it’s developed through small, repeated actions over time. Just as a strong body is built through regular workouts, a resilient sense of self is created through daily practices like journaling and goal-setting.

“Confidence is built daily, not overnight. Repetition in positive actions shapes who you are, making you ready for a relationship.”

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Helping Nice Guys Gain Confidence To Attract Dream Women- Chris’s Instagram Account

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Stephanie Hessler to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Stephanie is a seasoned career coach with a rich history on Wall Street, she specializes in helping high-achieving leaders, especially women, break through career roadblocks and reach the next level of success. Today, we’re exploring how to reframe self-imposed limitations and create strategies for growth.We discussed common roadblocks many women face, such as undervaluing their achievements, not advocating for themselves, and failing to leverage important relationships. Stephanie offers actionable advice on how to shift mindset, become more strategic, and define a clear path to their desired professional future.

Key Takeaways:

You won’t be promoted just by doing good work. Speak up for your accomplishments.
Build connections and don’t be afraid to ask for doors to be opened for you.
Get crystal clear on who you want to become and start embodying that now.
Advocating for Yourself (4:20)

Women often fall into the trap of thinking hard work will automatically be recognized and rewarded. This mindset leads to frustration as promotions or opportunities don’t materialize, especially as they rise into leadership roles. Advocating for oneself is not about boasting, but about owning and showcasing the value you bring.

"Women make the mistake of thinking because they’ve done a great job, they’ll automatically be promoted. That simply doesn’t happen."

Strategic Networking and Relationship Leverage (5:55)

Women often excel at building relationships but hesitate when it comes to using those connections to advance their careers. It is important to use networks strategically, not just for support but to open new professional doors.

"Women are skilled at relationships, but they neglect to leverage the people they know."

Defining and Embodying Your Future Self (15:00)

A critical aspect of career growth is envisioning the person you want to become. Getting granular about what success looks like for you, whether it's compensation, work environment, or the kind of people you want to work with. From there, begin showing up as that person now.

Quote: "You cannot have one kind of mind and another kind of environment."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
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Be Your Most Exceptional Self- Stephanie Hessler’s Website
Download a free Career Elevation Checklist and Guide

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Key Takeaways:

You won’t be promoted just by doing good work. Speak up for your accomplishments.
Build connections and don’t be afraid to ask for doors to be opened for you.
Get crystal clear on who you want to become and start embodying that now.
Advocating for Yourself (4:20)

"Women make the mistake of thinking because they’ve done a great job, they’ll automatically be promoted. That simply doesn’t happen."

Strategic Networking and Relationship Leverage (5:55)

"Women are skilled at relationships, but they neglect to leverage the people they know."

Defining and Embodying Your Future Self (15:00)

Quote: "You cannot have one kind of mind and another kind of environment."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Be Your Most Exceptional Self- Stephanie Hessler’s Website
Download a free Career Elevation Checklist and Guide

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Matthew Sinkovitz to the Life Check Yourself studio. Matthew is the founder of the Porn to Purpose Community, which he started in 2019 after battling pornography addiction. With years of coaching, therapy, and 12-step recovery work, Matthew is on a mission to help men transform their lives. His focus on personal and spiritual development, mindfulness, and recovery offers a powerful path for those seeking freedom from addiction. They dive deep into the complex topic of pornography addiction, its impact on relationships, and the journey to reclaim purpose. Matthew shares insights from his own recovery and discusses strategies to overcome this pervasive issue.

Key Takeaways: 1. Awareness of the Addiction 2. Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability 3. Purpose as a Solution to Addiction

Awareness and Denial of Addiction (12:35) Pornography addiction often thrives in secrecy and denial. Many individuals fail to recognize the extent of the problem until it severely impacts their lives. By gaining awareness, it becomes possible to take the first step toward recovery. This shift in consciousness can break cycles of addictive behavior and lead to genuine healing. Awareness is critical because it fosters accountability, making it easier to change self-destructive habits.

"The problem is, a man might not have the awareness to know that it’s a problem, or he might not be willing enough to admit that it’s a problem."

The Importance of Vulnerability in Relationships (25:45) Creating a safe environment for honesty is essential for both personal recovery and the health of relationships. Vulnerability without judgment encourages honesty, which leads to growth and deeper understanding. Acknowledging and addressing issues in an environment of support is the key to real transformation.

“The creation of some sort of space around having a healthy conversation... you have to take responsibility for judging or being critical.”

Purpose as a Solution to Addiction (40:15) A lack of purpose often leads to feelings of boredom, isolation, and insignificance, which drive individuals toward addictive behaviors. By defining and pursuing a meaningful life, negative habits become less appealing and easier to break. Purpose gives individuals direction, leading to self-improvement and fulfillment. Having a sense of mission empowers personal growth and significantly diminishes the urge to engage in destructive behaviors.

"When I was on purpose in life, the things that didn’t serve me naturally fell by the wayside."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
The Liberation Boot Camp- Porn To Purpose

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Heather Wiese to the Life Check Yourself studio. Heather is the founder of Bell'INVITO, a responsible luxury brand specializing in stationery and leather goods. Heather shares her journey from art direction to establishing a company that marries beauty with etiquette, and her passion for teaching the importance of thoughtful communication in our everyday interactions. Their conversation dives deep into the relevance of etiquette in today’s fast-paced world, showing that it’s not just about table manners or formal occasions—it’s about everyday respect, emotional intelligence, and intentional living. Heather breaks down how etiquette impacts our relationships, our businesses, and even our self-confidence. Her insights reveal how the smallest gestures, when done thoughtfully, can transform how we communicate and connect.

Key Takeaways:

Etiquette is Everywhere
Intentional Living is Key
Empowerment through Knowledge
Modern Etiquette (10:23)

Etiquette is not about being old-fashioned; it governs daily interactions. This explains how etiquette is ingrained in our social norms, even in casual settings like how we treat guests or navigate social media interactions. This knowledge helps build strong, respectful relationships.

“You do worry about etiquette. You have your own etiquette. You have protocols and the subculture of your house. And when someone doesn’t follow them, it’s weird."

Intentional Living (21:10)

Intentional living goes beyond what we buy. It’s about aligning our choices—whether material or behavioral—with values that support a meaningful life. Making informed decisions and understanding the long-term impact can bring clarity and peace.

"We inspire people to live beautifully and purchase intentionally while educating them on etiquette."

Empowering Yourself through Etiquette (34:45)

Knowing etiquette boosts self-confidence in social and professional scenarios. This emphasizes that etiquette is a tool for empowerment, enabling you to navigate any situation with grace and certainty. Mastering social protocols allows individuals to feel prepared, reducing anxiety in formal and informal settings alike. It builds confidence in every interaction.

"How many times do you go into a situation and feel so empowered when you actually are like, ‘I was right. I knew that.”

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
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Bell’INVITO - Heather Wiese’s Website

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Christina McMahon, PhD, a love coach and certified somatic counselor who has been empowering individuals to overcome their inner barriers to love and life through the power of somatic healing. With a background in academia, Christina made the bold decision to leave a tenured university position to follow her passion, now helping hundreds of singles embrace love in a transformative way. She’ll take us through how listening to our bodies, especially in times of change, can lead us to our most authentic selves. This episode dives deep into the concept of somatic healing and how listening to our bodies can catalyze massive life shifts. They’ll explore the idea of breaking down barriers by connecting with bodily sensations and understanding how trauma can lead to profound transformation.

Key Takeaways:

Listening to Your Body Can Lead to Breakthroughs
Trauma as a Pathway to Transformation
Shift Happens When We Accept Our Emotions
Somatics and the Body’s Signals (10:15)

Recognizing these physical patterns allows for a more profound understanding of personal history, unlocking the potential for growth. By tuning into these bodily sensations, we can begin to trust the signals our body sends, guiding us toward the healing we need.

"Each pattern we develop has a survival instinct behind it... our body holds the memory of what we need to heal."

Breaking Down to Break Through (17:45)

It’s in the moments of greatest distress that clarity can emerge, providing the opportunity to realign and rebuild a new direction in life. These breaking points often serve as gateways to deeper personal transformation, allowing us to create a life aligned with our true desires.

“It was like the worst day of my life, but it was also the most pivotal because it put me on a different path.”

Emotional Energy and Healing (25:00)

Somatic work teaches that emotions are energy, and blocked emotional energy creates physical and emotional pain. When people allow themselves to feel emotions—especially the ones they avoid like sadness or grief—they make room for healing and forward movement.Emotions like anger often mask deeper feelings like sadness. By embracing these, transformation occurs, shifting from emotional stagnation to personal freedom.

“Underneath your anger is probably sadness... the sadness is the golden nugget we need to heal.”

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Want a Love Life Worthy of Wonderful You?- Meet Christina Mcmahon
Opening to Sacred Love Online Program
Free Dating Mastery Toolkit For Lasting Love

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Kristal De Santis to the Life Check Yourself studio. Kristal is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man, she shares insights on masculinity, partnership dynamics, and how men can thrive in today’s shifting societal expectations. They explore the complexities of modern relationships, particularly focusing on the evolving roles of men and women. Together, the duo uncover actionable strategies to build stronger, healthier relationships based on mutual understanding and growth.

Redefining Masculinity in Modern Relationships
The Importance of Emotional Safety in Love
Effective Conflict Resolution and Repair Strategies
The Evolution of Masculine and Feminine Roles in Relationships [00:08:35]

In today's relationships, both men and women are navigating an unprecedented level of freedom. With traditional gender roles evolving, the challenge becomes making intentional choices that benefit both partners without falling back on outdated expectations. The key is creating new, shared rules for the partnership while respecting each other's individuality.

"The paradox of choice is that when everything is on the table, how do you make the right choice for yourself?"

Love Languages Reimagined: Building Emotional Safety [00:23:45]

Emotional safety is foundational to a successful relationship. While love languages help communicate affection, they only work if partners feel secure. Safety allows individuals to express their needs freely, and without it, no amount of acts of service or physical touch can stabilize the relationship.

"If you don’t have safety, the relationship will still be on shaky ground."

Communication Breakdowns and Repair Conversations [00:47:20]

When conflicts arise in a relationship, repairing the emotional damage requires time and effort. Quick apologies aren’t enough; true healing involves understanding the other person's perspective and demonstrating accountability. Deep-seated issues may need repeated conversations, but each discussion can strengthen the bond and help both partners grow.

"The deeper the wound, the more stitches you need."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Unlock the shocking truth about how your unique personality type is silently shaping your future
Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man- Get Your Copy Now
STRONG.LOVE- Kristal Desantis Website

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In this week's episode, Marni welcomes Nancy Hurley to the Life Check Yourself studio. Nancy is a seasoned marketing executive and a client of Marni. She shares her incredible journey of transforming her life, moving from a state of work overload and self-doubt to a balanced life filled with purpose and joy. Her story is a testament to the power of intentional life design, where she took bold steps to redefine her future, embrace retirement, and open new doors, all while working through the profound internal and external changes with Marni’s guidance.

The Journey of Overcoming Work Overload and Finding Balance
Confronting the Fear of Retirement and Financial Insecurity
Redesigning Life and Career on Your Own Terms
Letting Go of Perfectionism and Delegating for Success
The Importance of Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care
Recognizing When Overwork Leads to Burnout – [00:10:35]

Constant overworking can drain energy and overshadow personal life. It’s important to recognize the signs of burnout and take steps to create a healthier balance, allowing for both career success and personal fulfillment.

"I didn’t want to turn 61 still doing what I had been doing at 60. I knew I had to figure out how to make the shift."

Managing Financial Fears Surrounding Retirement – [00:23:45]

Financial concerns often surface when considering retirement. It's essential to confront these fears directly, ensuring that retirement is not a source of anxiety but an opportunity for personal growth and new experiences.

"Life is short. Unless this is the most fulfilling thing you're doing, there shouldn't be any 'buts'. Serve yourself, and what matters to you."

Redesigning Life with Intention and Freedom – [00:45:10]

Redesigning life after years in a demanding career can be empowering. It's crucial to approach this transition with a clear plan, ensuring that personal goals align with professional exit strategies, while maintaining future flexibility.

"You have to stop pushing out the timeline, making excuses for the next promotion or incentive. If you keep waiting, it’ll never happen."

Letting Go of Perfectionism to Foster Team Success – [00:55:25]

Perfectionism can create unnecessary stress and hinder both personal growth and team dynamics. Learning to trust others and delegate responsibilities helps reduce pressure and fosters a more collaborative and effective working environment.

"Delegating and trusting others with responsibility allowed me to let go of perfectionism and finally breathe."

Setting Boundaries to Protect Personal Well-Being – [01:05:10]

Boundaries are critical for preserving mental and emotional health. Prioritizing self-care and establishing clear limits between work and personal time ensures a more balanced, fulfilling lifestyle.

"The small wins come when you start showing up for yourself, closing your laptop at five, and making time for what truly matters."

Make a Connection:

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Mary McMonagle to the Life Check Yourself studio. Mary is an intuitive healer and feminine energy coach who helps high-achieving women break free from limitations and unlock their true potential. She is also the founder of True Vibe, a spiritual lifestyle brand dedicated to guiding others toward embracing their true selves.

In this episode, the duo dives into the concept of feminine energy, exploring how it manifests uniquely in each of us and why it's important to balance both masculine and feminine energy. They'll unpack why some women find it hard to access their emotional side and how society and upbringing play a role in this. They also talk about the power of vulnerability and how embracing your feminine energy can lead to deeper connections, personal growth, and a more fulfilling life.

What is Feminine Energy and How Do We Overthink It?
Accessing Emotions and Vulnerability
Balancing Giving and Receiving in Feminine Energy
What is Feminine Energy and How Do We Overthink It? (07:12)

Feminine energy is often misunderstood or overcomplicated. This section discusses the uniqueness of feminine energy in each individual and the importance of not suppressing this part of ourselves.

"Feminine energy is a unique expression of who we are, and it's different for everyone."

Accessing Emotions and Vulnerability (15:23)

Many women find it challenging to connect with their emotions due to societal and cultural conditioning. This segment explores the significance of accessing and expressing emotions as a key to personal growth and stronger relationships.

"Growth only happens when emotions are fully experienced—suppressing feelings limits personal development."

Balancing Giving and Receiving in Feminine Energy (27:40)

Feminine energy is not just about giving; it also involves being open to receiving. This part of the discussion focuses on finding balance between nurturing others and taking care of oneself, avoiding the trap of people-pleasing.

"True balance in feminine energy comes from allowing oneself to receive without feeling guilty."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
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Get the latest updates from Mary- “Mary McMonagle Instagram Account”

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Mahwish Syed to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Mahwish is an award-winning fashion and interior designer, cancer survivor, and author. She shares her incredible journey of turning adversity into a powerful source of transformation. Her new book, Purgatory to Paradise: How Cancer Helped Me Design an Authentic Life, highlights how she navigated the dark times of her illness to emerge as a stronger, more authentic version of herself. In this episode, the duo dives deep into the concepts of self-love, healing, and the transformative power of our environments. Whether you're battling illness, overcoming a challenging relationship, or simply seeking more peace and joy in your daily life, Mahwish’s insights will inspire you to create beauty and harmony from the inside out.

Using Adversity as a Catalyst for Change
The Power of Healing Environments
Reconnecting with the Inner Child and Authentic Self
Using Adversity as a Catalyst for Change (08:15)

Adversity often reveals truths that are hidden in the comfort of everyday life. This shift in focus led to a deeper understanding of personal worth and the realization that one must prioritize their well-being over toxic relationships.

"It wasn’t just about surviving; it was about finding a way to truly live."

The Power of Healing Environments (20:45)

The surroundings in which one lives and heals play a significant role in recovery and well-being. Emphasizing beauty and order in one’s environment helps cultivate a mindset of peace and wellness.

"Creating beauty in our environment helps to cultivate peace within."

Reconnecting with the Inner Child and Authentic Self (35:30)

True healing involves reconnecting with the authentic self and nurturing the inner child. By curating personal spaces that reflect one’s true identity and childhood joys, individuals can foster a sense of wholeness and contentment. This practice allows for a deeper connection with one's core values and passions, encouraging a life lived in alignment with inner truths.

"Reconnecting with what we loved as children brings us back to our most authentic selves."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Do You Believe Your Space Can Impact Your Health?-- Mahwish Syed Design
Mahwish Syed Design- Mahwish Website
PURGATORY TO PARADISE: How Cancer Helped Me Design An Authentic Life Get Your Copy Now

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In this week’s episode, Marni welcomes Katie Horwitch to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Katie is an author, speaker, mindset coach, and self-talk activist. She is the founder of WANT: Women Against Negative Talk, a platform that gives women tips, tools, motivation, and inspiration to live fearlessly by shifting their negative self-talk patterns. Her first book, Want Your Self: Shift Your Self-Talk and Unearth The Strength In Who You Were All Along, (10/3/23 Sounds True), guides you to change your self-talk at the deepest level—so you can move forward fearlessly into the life you were meant to live. The duo dive deep into the concept of self-talk—how the stories we tell ourselves shape our reality and how we can transform that narrative to live more authentically and fearlessly. They explore the challenges of overcoming negative self-talk, the importance of being honest with ourselves, and practical strategies for shifting our mindset to move forward in life.

Understanding Self-Talk and Its Impact
Overcoming Negative Self-Talk
The Role of Emotionally Heavy Words
Understanding Self-Talk and Its Impact (08:45)

Self-talk is the ongoing story we tell ourselves about ourselves as we navigate through life. It's not inherently good or bad; it's the information we process and what we do with that information that truly matters.

"Self-talk isn't inherently good or bad. It's information, and what we do with that information informs what we do next."

Overcoming Negative Self-Talk (22:30)

The process of overcoming negative self-talk involves more than just "flipping the script." It requires identifying the underlying beliefs and gradually building a foundation of self-worth. Simply replacing negative thoughts with positive ones doesn't work if we don't believe in the new narrative. The guest emphasizes the need to address the root cause of negative beliefs and to be realistic in our self-talk shifts.

"You can't just flip the script on negative self-talk. It's about recognizing the belief behind it and making a realistic shift."

The Role of Emotionally Heavy Words (35:15)

Emotionally heavy words, like "hate" and "ugly," carry significant weight and can deeply influence our emotions and actions. It's essential to be mindful of the language we use with ourselves and others.These words often hijack our emotional state, making it harder to move forward.

"Emotionally heavy words can hijack the entire moment. Be mindful of the language you use with yourself."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Shift Your Negative Self-Talk- Katie Horwitch’s Website
WANT YOUR SELF- Guidebook (Get your Copy NOW)

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In this week’s episode, I welcome Ashley Radzat to the Life Check Yourself studio.Ashley is a seasoned educator and certified life coach from The World Coaching Institute (WCI). She has dedicated over 20 years to helping parents and teens navigate this critical stage of life. We dive deep into the challenges and complexities of parenting teenagers in today's fast-paced world. Together, we explore the unique pressures facing today’s teenagers and how parents can effectively support their development while fostering independence.

The Impact of Over-Parenting on Teenagers
The Role of Technology and Social Media in Teen Development
Strategies for Empowering Teens to Face Real-World Challenges
The Impact of Over-Parenting on Teenagers [00:05:30]

Over-parenting can unintentionally send a message to teens that they are not capable of handling life’s challenges, which can lead to anxiety and dependency.

"The pendulum always swings from one generation to the next...we're overcompensating for the fear of what if my child isn't good enough."

The Role of Technology and Social Media in Teen Development [00:20:15]

Teens today are more connected yet more isolated than ever due to the overwhelming amount of information and the pressures of social media.

"Teens are supposed to be very social...but the feedback they’re getting is that nobody really goes out there and has social experiences."

Strategies for Empowering Teens to Face Real-World Challenges [00:35:45]

Encouraging healthy risk-taking and providing opportunities for independence are crucial for building teens’ confidence and resilience.

"We have to realize that our job is not to be our child’s friend...our job is to help them practice for the real world."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Change Begins with a Seed- Radzat Consulting
Foundations of Teen Success: 6-Week Program
Parenting SOS: Quick Support Session for Every Stage
Family Harmony Mastery: 12-Week Consulting Program

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In this week's episode, I welcome Robert MacPhee to the Life Check Yourself studio.Robert MacPhee is the creator of the “Excellent Decisions” values-based leadership program and the author of “Living a Values Based Life”.He is an expert in experiential learning, peak performance, values clarification and leadership. In this episode, we’ll explore the importance of clarity, confidence, and inspired action in achieving personal and professional success. Robert shares his insights on how making excellent decisions can transform your life by aligning your actions with your core values. Whether you're striving to advance in your career, build better relationships, or simply lead a more fulfilling life, this conversation is packed with actionable advice that will help you unlock your true potential.

The Power of Clarity and Core Values
Building Unshakeable Confidence
Taking Inspired Action
The Power of Clarity and Core Values (08:15)

Understanding and defining your core values is crucial for making decisions that are not only effective but also fulfilling.

"When you're clear about your values, decision-making becomes a lot easier because you have a guiding light to follow."

Building Unshakeable Confidence (15:42)

True confidence comes from the alignment of your decisions with your values, creating a sense of inner trust and self-assurance.

"Confidence is not about always knowing what to do; it's about trusting that you'll figure it out."

Taking Inspired Action (22:30)

Focus on actions that are deeply connected to your purpose and values to ensure that your efforts lead to meaningful outcomes.

"Inspired action isn't about doing more; it's about doing what truly matters."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Values Based Life- Robert MacPhee’s Website

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In this week’s episode, I welcome Sureya Leonara to the Life Check Yourself studio. Sureya is a holistic sex and relationship coach dedicated to healing and liberating sexuality in a way that permeates every area of our lives. In this episode, we'll explore how to cultivate sexual energy, address common sexual dysfunctions, and understand the broader impact of a healthy sex life on our overall well-being. We will dive deep into a topic that is often overlooked but crucial for living a fully expressed life: sexual vitality.

The Importance of Sexual Energy
Addressing Sexual Dysfunction and Cultural Misconceptions
Practical Steps to Enhance Sexual Vitality
The Importance of Sexual Energy (00:03:40)

Sexual energy is our life force, a creative vitality that permeates everything we do. Its significance is beyond just the act of sex and it affects our overall health and longevity.

"Our sexual energy is our life force. It's our vitality. It's the energy that we were made out of."

Addressing Sexual Dysfunction and Cultural Misconceptions (00:10:45)

The common misconceptions about sexual health and dysfunctions, is that sexual health is integral to overall well-being. Cultural narratives often diminish the importance of sexual health, especially for women.

"It's the glue that holds together the difference between being roommates with our spouse and actually still lovers."

Practical Steps to Enhance Sexual Vitality (00:20:30)

Reigniting sexual vitality, including cultivating curiosity and desire, addressing environmental and emotional barriers, will help you find new ways to connect with your partner.

"Curiosity is really a precursor to desire. If we stop being curious, we don't have desire."

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“Making Love with Life” Practice: Free Gift

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In this week's episode, I welcome Tammy Mastroberte to the Life Check Yourself studio. Tammy is a bestselling and award-winning author, spiritual teacher, and wellness expert. Her mission is to empower people with simple and practical tools to thrive in everyday life and create positive change. We’ll dive into her latest book, "The Higher Help Method: Stop Trying to Manifest and Let the Universe Guide You," and explore the transformative power of connecting with a higher power. In this episode, Tammy shares insights from her new book and discusses how we can tap into higher help to navigate life's challenges and manifest our desires. We break down her approach into actionable steps, providing listeners with practical tools to enhance their spiritual journey.

Defining Higher Help
How to Set Intentions and Clarity
How to Shift Your Energy
Defining Higher Help (00:05:01)

Tammy explains the concept of higher help and how it can be personalized based on individual beliefs and practices. The Higher Help Method can be customized and used no matter what belief system you have. It’s about finding what resonates with you and using it to connect with higher help.

"When I talk about higher help, I'm talking about a higher power, in whatever way you may define that. It can be spirit, God, source, the universe, higher power."

Setting Intentions and Clarity (00:08:43)

Focusing on what you don't have keeps you stuck. Instead, set clear intentions and focus on what you want to attract more of that positive energy into your life.

"If you are focused on what you don't have, you are constantly communicating with the universe through your thoughts, emotions, and belief systems, asking for more of what you don’t want."

Shifting Your Energy (00:15:27)

Even small shifts in your energy and mindset can create significant changes in your life. Practice repeating positive mantras to redirect your focus and calm your mind.

"Take 60 seconds to shift your energy. Close your eyes and repeat a mantra like 'All is well, I am safe.' This simple practice can make a significant difference."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Dial in to the Higher Help Line of the Universe- Meet Tammy Mastroberte

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Defining Higher Help
How to Set Intentions and Clarity
How to Shift Your Energy
Defining Higher Help (00:05:01)

"When I talk about higher help, I'm talking about a higher power, in whatever way you may define that. It can be spirit, God, source, the universe, higher power."

Setting Intentions and Clarity (00:08:43)

Focusing on what you don't have keeps you stuck. Instead, set clear intentions and focus on what you want to attract more of that positive energy into your life.

"If you are focused on what you don't have, you are constantly communicating with the universe through your thoughts, emotions, and belief systems, asking for more of what you don’t want."

Shifting Your Energy (00:15:27)

Even small shifts in your energy and mindset can create significant changes in your life. Practice repeating positive mantras to redirect your focus and calm your mind.

"Take 60 seconds to shift your energy. Close your eyes and repeat a mantra like 'All is well, I am safe.' This simple practice can make a significant difference."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Dial in to the Higher Help Line of the Universe- Meet Tammy Mastroberte

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In this week’s episode, we dive into the art of living life on your own terms with my husband Jeremy Blaise Crane. In this unique session, Jeremy and I open up and address various questions from listeners, sharing our experiences and insights on a wide range of topics. From personal growth and relationship advice to career transitions and life planning, this episode is packed with valuable advice and motivational stories that will inspire you to take charge of your life and create the future you desire.We'll explore how to redefine success, implement a structure in your life, and take action towards a fulfilling and purpose-driven existence.

Redefining Success
Implementing Structure and Process
Taking Action to Achieve Clarity
Redefining Success on Your Terms (00:06:11)

Discusses the importance of defining success based on personal values rather than societal expectations. This emphasizes the need to create a life that aligns with one's true desires and passions.

"Most people live a life that is not designed by them or for them. They live a life that was designed by society, by a parental influence, by something they were good at, by something that was easy, they fell into it."

The Importance of Structure and Process (00:10:00)

Marni and Jeremy discuss how having a structured process helped them transition from their life in Los Angeles to a more fulfilling life in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. They highlight the role of a structured approach in achieving long-term goals and making significant life changes.

"Having a structure in place allows you to sort of change and go back and review... It’s amazing. I can look back, you know, 8 years ago, and see what we were thinking about then, and everything kind of makes sense."

Taking Action to Gain Clarity (00:08:09)

Explains the concept that action precedes clarity. This encourages listeners to take steps towards their goals, even if they are uncertain about the outcome, as taking action helps clarify what truly brings happiness and fulfillment.

"Humans cannot predict what will make them happy... Action actually precedes clarity. We can’t get clear or make a prediction if we don’t take action."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

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In this week’s episode, I welcome Amy Leigh Mercree to the Life Check Yourself studio. Amy is a bestselling author, holistic health expert, and medical intuitive with over 23 years of experience. She is on a mission to help people raise their vibrations and lead happier, healthier lives. Her upcoming book, "Aura Alchemy," focuses on teaching people how to sense energy fields, interpret the color spectrum, and manifest success. We dive deep into Amy’s wisdom and insights on living a balanced and fulfilled life.

Understanding Yin and Yang in Modern Life
The Power of Self-Care Rituals
Medical Intuition and Holistic Health

Understanding Yin and Yang in Modern Life [00:04:06]

The balance of Yin and Yang energies is crucial in today's fast-paced society. Modern life often leads to Yin deficiency syndromes, and incorporating more Yin activities, such as taking relaxing baths, can help restore this balance.

"We live in a very Yang society. So what a bath does is it allows you to slow down and take some time and bring some Yin into your life."

The Power of Self-Care Rituals [00:03:43]

Self-care rituals play a significant role in maintaining mental and physical health. The "Blissful Bath" deck provides unique self-care activities designed to promote relaxation and mindfulness.

"It really lets you take an intentional path, and it's all about the self-care and relaxation side of things, because we don't really do that in my work."

Medical Intuition and Holistic Health [00:01:38]

Medical intuition involves understanding the interplay between physical health, emotional well-being, and spiritual balance. Holistic health practices shape a comprehensive approach to wellness.

"She's on a mission to teach people how to raise their vibration, live happier, healthier lives."

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
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Meet Amy Leigh Mercree- Amy’s Website

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In this week’s episode, I welcome Florence Ann Romano to the Life Check Yourself studio. Florence is a renowned personal growth strategist, author, philanthropist, and businesswoman. Known as the "Windy City Nanny," she has spent over 15 years as a childcare provider and is an expert on childcare, family, and village support. We dive deep into the significance of creating and maintaining a supportive community, the challenges of asking for help, and how to embrace change for personal growth. Florence's insights are not only inspiring but also practical, offering actionable advice for anyone looking to enhance their life and relationships.

Building Your Village
The Importance of Asking for Help
Embracing Change and Personal Growth

Building Your Village (00:07:16 - 00:08:33)

The concept of building your village and the roles that different people play in your life. It emphasizes the importance of identifying and casting the right people into roles that support and uplift you.

"I want you to think of this as casting a movie or a play. These are your main characters, and once you do that casting, you're gonna look back and think, okay, now I understand why I feel a certain way.".

The Importance of Asking for Help (00:12:21 - 00:13:14)

Asking for help is often challenging, especially for women. It addresses the fear of indebtedness and the perception of weakness that hinders many from reaching out. Societal pressures and personal insecurities often prevent people from asking for help, but true relationships thrive on mutual support and understanding.

"The thing that ties public speaking as the number one fear in this world is asking for help... We get in our own way with the asking for help part of it.".

Embracing Change and Personal Growth (00:37:09 - 00:38:03)

The inevitability of change and embracing it can lead to personal growth and new opportunities. View change as a positive force that brings growth and new connections rather than something to fear.

"The only thing I can promise you is that the village is gonna change... Instead of being afraid of that, lean into it and trust that if the village is changing, maybe it is for a reason.".

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Florence Ann Romano’s Website- Village and Childcare Advocate

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Building Your Village
The Importance of Asking for Help
Embracing Change and Personal Growth

Building Your Village (00:07:16 - 00:08:33)

The Importance of Asking for Help (00:12:21 - 00:13:14)

"The thing that ties public speaking as the number one fear in this world is asking for help... We get in our own way with the asking for help part of it.".

Embracing Change and Personal Growth (00:37:09 - 00:38:03)

The inevitability of change and embracing it can lead to personal growth and new opportunities. View change as a positive force that brings growth and new connections rather than something to fear.

"The only thing I can promise you is that the village is gonna change... Instead of being afraid of that, lean into it and trust that if the village is changing, maybe it is for a reason.".

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Florence Ann Romano’s Website- Village and Childcare Advocate

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In this week’s episode, I welcome Dr. Debra Mandel to the Life Check Yourself studio. Dr. Mandel is a nationally renowned psychologist with over 30 years of experience. She's the author of four books, including the intriguingly titled "Dump That Chump," and she's here to share insights from her latest book, "Sassy and Rude: A New Attitude." We discussed the complex and often tumultuous mother-daughter relationship and explored the dynamics of mother-daughter relationships, the impact of social media and societal pressures, and strategies for fostering healthier connections.

The Influence of Social Media on Mother-Daughter Relationships
Generational Challenges in Mother-Daughter Dynamics
Strategies for Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships
The Influence of Social Media on Mother-Daughter Relationships (00:36:45 - 00:37:39)

The challenge lies in balancing daughters' desire to be part of the online scene without encouraging unhealthy behaviors.

"I see so many young women with body image issues and self-esteem issues even more so... it's kind of horrifying to some degree".

Generational Challenges in Mother-Daughter Dynamics (00:36:01 - 00:36:45)

Each generation faces unique challenges, but the core struggles of mother-daughter relationships remain constant.The societal and technological changes contribute to these evolving dynamics

"Every generation just like we say, 'Oh, our parents are so old-fashioned,' or 'they didn't get it,' there's always new information and new technology that's coming down the pike".

Strategies for Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships (00:37:39 - 00:38:04)

Practical advice is provided for mothers of young children and teenagers to foster healthier relationships.

"We don't want to let... the circumstances be our excuse for not learning how to be better and how to navigate through it".

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
The Love Warrior- Dr. Debra Mandel’s Website

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Marni welcomes Peter Canova to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses how to embrace your intuitive gifts by training your subconscious. Peter is an award-winning author who also contributed to the much-loved Chicken Soup for the Soul series. He’s recently released a book, “Quantum Spirituality” which looks at the metaphysical intersection between quantum physics and Gnostic wisdom. In this episode, Marni and Peter look at what it means to actually listen to your intuition and what you stand to gain from doing so.

· How to stop being skeptical

· Train your subconscious

· How to shift your perspective

Embrace Your Intuitive Gifts [04:58]

Both Gnostic teachings and quantum physics explore the nature of light, energy, and matter. In his book "Quantum Spirituality," Peter Canova combines these ancient spiritual insights with modern scientific understanding to create a roadmap for higher consciousness. His multidisciplinary approach integrates science, spirituality, psychology (especially Jungian), neurobiology, and epigenetics. Recognizing and embracing your intuitive gifts, and letting go of overthinking, can unlock a wealth of insights and abilities you never knew you had.

I let go and let my logical mind kind of take a backseat and really allow myself to be in my gifts, and be who I am, and be in that higher state of consciousness.

Manifest It [14:58]

The idea of manifesting has a solid basis. That’s not to say that it’s as clear cut as the oversimplified definition we all see on social media. Rather it’s by understanding that you have the ability to influence your reality by focusing your thoughts and intentions. Start small by setting clear, positive intentions and observe how they manifest in your life.

It’s an inner feeling that I can see this thing down the road. I know it’s going to work its way out.

Training Your Subconscious [21:55]

There’s active and passive meditation. Active meditation is when you begin the practice with the intention of finding a solution to a problem or addressing an issue. In either case, meditation is a powerful tool for transitioning from intellectual ideas to actual experiences of higher consciousness.

You have to convert that into an actual experience, and that’s where meditation could be the mechanism to help; that transition from an intellectual idea to an experience.

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us
Merging the Past and Present to Show Us Our Future- Peter Canova’s Website

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Marni welcomes Marc Von Musser, founder of SoarAndRoar, to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses how to ditch the victim mentality and start rebuilding your life. In this new series about reinvention, the duo discussed what it means to reinvent yourself. And it’s something that can be done at any age. They delve into the tactics to silence your inner critic and allow room for your inner superhero to grow and transform obstacles into success.

How to ditch the victim mentality
How to stop fearing failure
Always set ambitious goals

Are You Listening to Your Inner Superhero? [07:48]

Ditch the preconceived notion that everything is going to be easy. It won’t. And instead of letting the inner critic dominate, channel your inner superhero to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to give up.

Within each of our brain, we have a superhero, a version of us that has done amazing things. But there’s also a supervillain and society has really cultivated that supervillain.

Fail Forward [15:26]

Understand that failure is a crucial part of growth. When you put yourself in the mindset of failing forward, you transform into a person that will continuously be learning and improving.

In rebuilding myself, I’m not expecting not to have challenges. I hope that I do have those challenges because that’s the area of weakness that I need to improve on.

Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With? [30:45]

It’s important to have people in your life who believe in you and your dreams. The person you have in your ear will be a defining factor in whether you win or lose.

That’s a big part. And here’s the truth. Some of you don’t have that partner. That’s just the truth. You don’t have that partner that’s going to remind you of your greatness.

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life
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Uncensored, Unleashed, Unstoppable- SOAR LIVE

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Marni welcomes Shelley Paxton to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses how to listen to yourself and navigate towards what your soul truly wants. Shelley is an author, a speaker and a change-maker. She helps people redefine their success. In this episode, Marni and Shelley talk about how to get out of something that makes you miserable. With the daily grind of life, and the pressure thrown at you from every direction, sometimes it’s easier to just continue on the conventional track, to stick to the initial plan. And it ends up slowly eating at you, at your soul.

How to take it one step at a time
Don’t wait out your pain
How to live your truth

Is it time for a sabbatical? [00:40]

It’s a sabbatical in the large sense of the term, almost like a rebirth. When it seems like your current life, whether that’s a job or otherwise, is dragging you down, where everything requires this magnanimous effort, it’s time for a sabbatical. It’s not a vacation, it’s a journey to reconnect with yourself and your soul.

I’m going to be the sole chief officer of my own damn life. And that was the beginning.

S is for Shackles [53:20]

In Shelley's Soul Framework, the S stands for shedding the shackles you should. And what that means is breaking free from the narratives, and the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” that you’ve told yourself define you. It’s becoming aware of the narratives that you’ve built around your identity, that are influenced by culture, society, upbringing, expectations…and the list goes on.

Whatever it is, we have these should, and these narratives. They come from this place of guilt, people pleasing and these cultural narratives that have been drilled into us. Especially for women, for a very, very long time.

It’s Value Over Validation [01:01]

It’s important to prioritize your own values over seeking external validation. Focus on what truly matters to you at your core.

All these boxes of traditional success, that I was ticking, they were all external validation. They were all outside of me.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

· Where Soul Meets Success- Shelley Paxton’s Website

· Soulbbatical: A Corporate Rebel's Guide to Finding Your Best Life Get your copy now

· What are you rebelling for? Connect with Shelley

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Marni welcomes Dr. Harry Cohen to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves into the practice of nurturing traits that make people naturally gravitate towards you. What are these virtues that attract people? Harry is an author, having most recently published the book, “ Be the Sun, Not the Salt''. In this episode, Marni and Harry discuss how to forgive your mistakes and move forward while practicing the authentic virtues that will bring out the best version of yourself and those around you. Are you ready to be the change you wish to see in the world?

How to embody virtuous behavior
Learn from history’s greats
How to practice apologizing well

How to Level up [13:41]

Seek out and learn from people who exemplify the highest virtues and achievements. By understanding these positive energizers, you absorb their wisdom and integrate those practices into your own life.

Those are exemplars. Those are the people who we intuitively and naturally are drawn to and want to be around.

Knowledge Isn’t Doing [20:01]

Knowledge isn’t enough; it’s the application of that knowledge that matters. Act on the wisdom you acquired by performing brave and kind deeds.

The Learning is by doing. You want to be brave, act bravely. That’s Aristotle. Send the text, make the call, pick up the phone.

Simplicity and Consistency [28:25]

Consistency is inevitable for any kind of improvement in any aspect in our lives. Small, consistent actions can lead to significant improvements in our lives and relationships. It is by consistently practicing a certain behavior that they eventually become habits.

You just practice. You step in it and then you go clean it off after you step in it. You have to make the error and then do the next right thing. That’s part of it.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

· “Be The Sun, Not The Salt”- Get Your Copy Now

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How to embody virtuous behavior
Learn from history’s greats
How to practice apologizing well

How to Level up [13:41]

Those are exemplars. Those are the people who we intuitively and naturally are drawn to and want to be around.

Knowledge Isn’t Doing [20:01]

Knowledge isn’t enough; it’s the application of that knowledge that matters. Act on the wisdom you acquired by performing brave and kind deeds.

The Learning is by doing. You want to be brave, act bravely. That’s Aristotle. Send the text, make the call, pick up the phone.

Simplicity and Consistency [28:25]

You just practice. You step in it and then you go clean it off after you step in it. You have to make the error and then do the next right thing. That’s part of it.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

· “Be The Sun, Not The Salt”- Get Your Copy Now

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Marni welcomes Susan Gulyas to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses the limiting beliefs that hold us back in our life. Susan, a longtime client of Marni’s, is a successful career woman who works as a senior manager in engineering at Boeing. For this episode, they delve into what it means to explore unhealthy patterns and to shift your energy to attract what you want.

How to shape your beliefs
What energy are you putting out into the world?
Communicating with Integrity

Confront Your Limiting Beliefs [06:48]

We all have stories that we tell ourselves. But sometimes, these stories stem from negative beliefs that have been ingrained in us. Take a moment to reflect on your beliefs about yourself. Are there any limiting ones holding you back?

I believed that I was too old to get married. I believed there was nobody out there for me. And I was not picking well, I was not picking well at all.

Self-Forgiveness Isn’t Just a Buzzword [19:04]

By challenging past shame and embracing your inherent worthiness, you lay the foundation for attracting healthy and loving relationships into your life. This underscores the importance of practicing self-compassion and embracing our imperfections. By forgiving ourselves for past mistakes and embracing our unique qualities, we can cultivate a deep sense of self-love that radiates outward and attracts love from others.

Until you forgive yourself and really heal that with yourself before you even forgive others, it’s really hard to let someone truly love you.

Be in Your Feminine [41:23]

The subtle nuances of communication in conveying feminine energy are transformative. Understanding how to express kindness, softness, and receptivity in interactions with men without compromising your authenticity empowers you to create meaningful connections.

You’re not compromising who you are, you’re communicating something in a different way. That’s going to get you a different result ultimately.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

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Marni welcomes Junnie Moon to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves into the hidden aspects of ourselves that we often suppress and that influence our behavior and relationships. We suppress these parts of ourselves without even realizing it. Junnie is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s an author, a global love mentor and a certified shadow work practitioner. In this episode, Marni and Junnie discuss what shadow work actually is and how through working on yourself you can find empowerment and authenticity.

What is shadow work?
What are your triggers telling you?
How to cultivate self-compassion

Are You Self-Sabotaging? [03:33]

We all have blind spots. And these blind spots can show up in several ways including self-sabotage. And these come as a result of not being aligned with our highest and best self.

When we talk about our personalities and how we're showing up in the world, the shadow is a part of us that we want to hide. There's a part of us that maybe we feel bad about.

How Do You Spot the Shadows? [08:38]

Just look around you. Notice the people or traits that trigger strong reactions in you. Maybe it's the overly confident colleague or the friend who always seems to have it all together. These reactions are like little red flags pointing you toward your own shadows.

There’s a part of us that we’re denying where we’re going. I better not be like that.

Acknowledge the Cart Before the Horse [19:29]

Before diving into the world of online dating or seeking a partner, take some time to unpack your own baggage. This doesn't mean waiting until you're perfect or fully healed, but rather acknowledging and understanding yourself better.

When we are unpacking and coming home to the truth of who we are, not by what our beliefs are, not by what we have been taught, we can see things differently.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

· Junnie’s Website- Midlife Love Out Loud

· Junie's 'What's Your Love Avatar Quiz'

· Junie's 'Loving The Whole Package' book

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Marni welcomes Ciicii to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses how to break free from co-dependency and find your own identity. Ciicii is the host of podcast That Bitch Positive. She is a life and energy coach who has millions of followers as well as a singer-songwriter who has a book that came out yesterday with the title “Show Up As Her”. For this episode, Marni and Ciicii discuss the importance of owning your power and becoming the person you’re meant to be. And it starts by letting go of all the external triggers that may be holding you back and taking responsibility for your own feelings.

How to let go
What is co-dependency?
How to break free from co-dependency

Positive Bitchology [07:48]

No, it’s not a cocktail. Positive Bitchology is being a babe in true connection with herself. It’s all about finding your way back to who you really are. And you do it by letting go of external triggers, whether that’s a boyfriend or a job.

Step into who you came here to be.

Are You Ghosting Yourself? [15:30]

Pay attention to how you’re treating yourself. Are you ghosting your needs? Your desires? Your vulnerabilities? When you neglect your own needs, they are more likely to be ghosted or overlooked by others as well. It’s vital to speak up.

I think as women especially, we don’t want to feel needy when we speak for what it is we need. And that’s not being needy. That’s putting yourself on the pedestal.

Taking Ownership of Your Identity [20:04]

When we’re co-dependent on another person, it’s like seeing ourselves through their eyes, from their viewpoint, instead of seeing ourselves as full individuals in our own right. We need to be able to carve out space for our own identity and our true essence.

I see this from an energetic point of view, where, whenever there’s codependency, there’s some blockage or dysfunction with our sacral chakra.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

· Follow her latest contents- vibinwithciicii (Follow her on Instagram)

· Show Up As Her- Get a Copy Now!

· Get the latest updates from CiiCii Subscribe

Show Up as Her: Ten Laws for Reclaiming Your Power, Embodying Magnetic Energy, and Positive Manifestation

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Marni welcomes Bobby Frank to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves in the dynamics of a lasting relationship. Bobby who has been married for 31 years is currently working on his book, "The Unimpeachable Wife: Developing a Million Dollar Bank Account and a Million Dollar Family."

For this episode, Marni and Bobby discuss the secrets to success and longevity within a relationship. Self-reflection, authenticity and personal growth are all part of it. When each person focuses on themselves first, it creates a solid foundation for a successful partnership.

How to introspect
What are the ABC’s of marriage?
How to be Honest

We Need to Talk About Us [04:33]

Don’t focus on the wrong end of the spectrum of marriage or a relationship. The key is to focus on what you both need and want, rather than only prioritizing on your partner.

Don’t violate other principles just because you think something is correct

Honesty Really is The Best Policy [13:14]

It’s been said over and over again because it’s true. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. Stop saying the things you think your partner wants to hear and start saying how you feel.

That’s how you develop a friendship as well.

The Unspoken Conversation [20:56]

What are the ABCs of marriage? It is knowing that your partner will not trade you in for the newer model, it is knowing that they will love you even in sickness. It is the important questions that keep you together in the long turn.

And c is, can you love me with cancer?

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Life? Book A Call With Us

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Marni welcomes Nicole Russo to the Life Check Yourself studio. A personal stylist to high-achievers and executives, Nicole opened her own styling shopping service in 2017 and has styled thousands of people since. The duo discusses the most effective way to declutter, how to find your style and why dressing well means being empowered. How you dress, when it’s authentic, is a reflection of who you are and who you want to be.

How to dress for power
Avoid impulse purchases
How to cleanse your closet

It’s Not Any Less Feminist to Dress the Part [05:11]

The way you dress impacts the way you’re perceived and the way you feel. Fashion can be wielded as a powerful tool to propel your life in the direction that you want it to go in.

You definitely need to be careful in that it has to feel authentic, or else it’s not really going to empower you. It has to feel like you in some way.

Declutter Your Emotions and Your Closet [17:27]

Your closet is a reflection of you. It’s murmurs of who you were or who you didn’t become. Or even the dreams you held on to. But, perhaps it’s time to declutter. Let go of the items you don’t wear anymore so that you can be who you are now.

Our closets are a metaphor for our life.

Get Creative [20:00]

Experiment by wearing something new each day or each week to inspire creativity. Finding your style should be fun.

I find that you get a better sense of who you are, and it becomes like a creative fun process instead of a stressful one.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes Shanenn Bryant to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses how to crack the control code and transform the way we view jealousy. Shanenn is a jealousy and relationship confidence expert. She’s also the host of the Top Self podcast and founder of self-development company, Top Self. It’s not just about eradicating jealousy but understanding that this feeling isn’t the problem, but rather a symptom of it. And the answers can be found by examining yourself.

Focus on yourself
Lengthen the space between trigger and response
How to foster self-awareness

What’s Jealousy Got to Do With it? [05:35]

Jealous stems from somewhere internal, from a place of insecurity. And that could either be because of some type of dysfunction in your childhood or because you went through a bad experience in a romantic relationship. Either way, to understand the feeling itself, you need to look at yourself and ask the right questions.

It doesn’t necessarily have to always be that it was a cheating incident. I felt like I was insecure and jealous before that ever happened.

Make Room for Accountability [14:49]

While it may be difficult to do so in certain situations, it’s important to take responsibility rather than blame your partner straight away. Self-awareness is key.

You cannot change something that is blocking you, unless you really take a look at what you think, do, and say.

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries [21:10]

Before getting into a relationship, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation about boundaries, particularly those regarding interactions with exes. It allows both partners to understand each other’s expectations.

Have that conversation to figure out what that relationship is like beforehand and then you make the decision if that’s a relationship you want to be in.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes Paget Kagy to the Life Check Yourself studio. A Korean-American actress, writer, and empowerment coach, Paget is fueled by her passion for challenging societal norms. Paget, a frequency healer and spiritual coach, discusses the significance of operating from a deeper level rather than superficially judging oneself and as a consequence, others as well. The duo speak about the power of detachment and embracing uncertainty to connect with one’s higher self.

How to dream bigger
How to identify your blind spot
Step out of your comfort zone

Are you Hitting a Wall? [11:04]

Energy blocks or energy patterns are basically patterns where you keep hitting up against the same situation. Sometimes, it might be different people or situations but it’s the same pattern over and over again.

It doesn’t matter what you try to do, you end up attracted to those things. And they end up attracted to you.

Un-stuck [14:12]

Sometimes, we don’t even realize that we’re stuck. And that’s the case for a lot of us. But once you identify that you are stuck, you can begin to release patterns that have been keeping you stunted.

Everything is open to us at all times.

Connecting with Yourself [21:40]

To connect with someone else on a deeper level, you need to first connect with yourself. Understand that it’s not about the outcome. It’s about you taking the necessary steps from a place of worthiness.

The universe delivers it to you in a way that you can’t predict or plan for.

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Marni welcomes Lily Womble to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses what holds successful women back from truly flourishing in the dating world? Lily, who shot to fame after a viral TikTok video is the founder and CEO of DateBrazen.com. She’s helped women overcome personal obstacles to achieve confidence and whole dating lives. It’s not just about finding the right relationship but about understanding what is keeping you stagnating.

How to live in your main character energy
You’re not too anything
Ask for what you want out loud

The Slot Machines of Dating [10:59]

Dating apps are built like slot machines; they’re designed to keep you wanting a little more. They give you just enough of what you need so that you come back for more.

It’s going to give you enough of the good stuff to keep you coming back, but not enough of the good stuff to get you in a relationship.

How to Really Move Forward [18:08]

Getting into the relationship isn’t the prize for healing. Healing is for you. And once you’ve done that, the relationship comes. Don’t compare your own dating life or relationship to others because you don’t know what is actually happening behind closed doors. None of us do.

The only thing separating people, I believe from finding the right relationship is giving themselves permission to want what they want.

Trust Yourself [23:44]

It seems obvious but self-trust is at the root of healing. Trust yourself to bless and release the people who are wrong for you. And don’t look back.

The more swiftly you bless and release the wrong people, the more swiftly you’ll find yourself in the best relationship.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

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· The Feminist Guide to Breaking Dumb Dating Rules and Finding Love

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Marni welcomes Dr.Heidi Brocke to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves into what being toxic actually means. It’s a buzz word that gets thrown around a lot but does anyone really know how to detect a toxic person? Heidi is a toxic relationship awareness and healing specialist. With a podcast that has over 1 million downloads, Heidi has worked with hundreds of people to help them get out of and heal from toxic relationships.

What does toxic actually mean?
How to decode unhealthy dynamics
How to clean up your social circle

Narcissistic Much? [09:27]

We’ve gotten used to throwing around certain labels and terms without ever actually understanding what they mean. And that includes the word toxic and narcissistic. However, they’re different. Many actually have narcissistic personality disorders because of something in their upbringing or something in their lives that has left them with that insecurity. Knowing the distinction between a disorder and an adjective is imperative.

I chose the word toxic because it’s not a diagnosis. Toxic is an adjective. .

You Define What’s Healthy for You [14:19]

Instead of seeking validation for your decisions when it comes to who to include or exclude in your life by labeling them toxic, embrace that you have the agency to curate your own social circles. You decide who stays and who leaves. You don’t need to make excuses or throw around labels.

We’re all just trying to make sure that there’s something wrong with that person so that we can be validated in changing the relationship.

Your Normal Isn’t Everyone’s Normal [21:57]

Not everyone sees the world the same way. Sometimes when someone does something that doesn’t align with you, you’ll describe it as not being normal. It’s because that person isn’t acting like you would and as such it is out of the norm for you.

In reality, we are looking at them through our emotionally wired eyes.

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· The Toxic Profile Analysis

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Marni welcomes Anya Chernyshova to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves into the process of reinvention. What does it take to completely transform your life? It begins by letting go of the negative beliefs you have about yourself. Anya, who is one of Marni’s long-time clients, went through a reinvention herself where she managed to alter her life to adapt her vision. Understanding that you actually have the power to do it is empowering.

Don’t keep it festering
How to let go of blame
Forgiveness is key.

Are You Just Being Immature? [10:26]

Change begins when you start loving yourself. This mantra repeated to us over and over again because it’s true. But it’s not enough to just say it, you need to truly believe it. Let go of these negative beliefs you were told about yourself.

It’s such a different way of being when you truly love yourself.

Embracing Self-Advocacy [18:52]

Overcoming your fear and learning to ask for what you need not only helps you overcome challenges but it also fosters holistic sense of well-being. By embracing self-advocacy, you have the power to shape your career, relationships, and overall life with confidence and resilience.

Things really changed for me because I felt really powerful and I felt like I could advocate for myself.

An Evolving Soul [27:22]

Embrace life's changes, prioritize self-care, and remain open to unforeseen opportunities for profound personal and professional growth. Always listen to what your body is telling you. It knows what it’s talking about.

My body is the greatest gift that I have because she tells me when I need to pay attention immediately.

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Marni welcomes Anapaula Corral to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves into feminine energy, recognizing the dating mistakes and letting go of deep-rooted beliefs that may be doing more harm than good. Marni and Anapaula, who is an author, met on Instagram. After that meeting, Anapaula started doing the work with Marni and gaining insight on what it is that she was doing wrong in her dating life. The conversation between the two women explores notions of regained self-confidence, mindful dating, and the journey of self-love.

How to define your rules
Prioritize self-love
How to embrace your feminine energy

It Starts with a Strong Foundation [11:07]

Regain your self-confidence through self-reflection. Recognize the trauma that you’ve been holding onto and that has been affecting your life. Once you do that, you can begin to work on it and find your way back to your self-confidence.

Deep underneath there’s a shame that needs to be healed.

Own Your Feminine Energy [15:10]

You need to fall in love with yourself in order to be able to fall in love with someone else. Open yourself up and hold on to your self-worth. That’s where all the magic happens.

Being able to sit down with my feminine energy has definitely not only changed my life, but it has improved every area of my life.

Uncomfortable Conversations [27:54]

Relationships take time and patience. It’s not always smooth sailing. It is important to have uncomfortable conversations, to be honest, and to be transparent. That is what leads to growth and ultimately a more meaningful connection.

You need the map and the person that follows the map.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

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· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us

· Life with AnaSofia- Anapaula's Book Now Available!

· LOVELY HOME- Professional and Reliable Home Cleaning and Residential Services in Miami

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Marni welcomes Dr.Abby Mecalf to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo dismantle pre-held beliefs about the secret to a successful relationship. Abby is a psychologist and a relationship maven who also happens to be a podcast host. Throughout this episode, they look into one of the leading causes for the failure of a relationship. And it’s not communication, it’s competition that influences the dynamics within a relationship.

Why do so many relationships fail?
How to stop Comparing
Find common ground

It’s Actually Not Just About Communication [06:42]

We’ve been told over and over again that the main reason relationships fail is bad communication. But there’s another cancer under that. And it's a competition.

This is competition for resources, for time, for money, for things in the family. If you’re in competition with someone, you don’t want them to win.

That Sounds Like a We Problem [12:59]

Instead of viewing an issue as one partner’s problem, look at it as a shared problem. When you do that, you both actively engage in shared problem solving. And rather than blame each other, you manage to actually find a solution that works for both of you.

Everything is a we.

Set Your Boundaries Right [28:12]

Merely expressing a preference is not setting a boundary. A boundary needs to have consequences if it is not respected. When you set a boundary, it doesn’t mean you’re more important than your partner. It just means you’re as important.

‘I feel upset when you talk to me that way.’ That’s your feeling. A Boundary has to have teeth.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

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· Dr. Abby Medcalf's website

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Marni welcomes Dr. Amelia Kelley to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves into the notion of gaslighting and how to spot it when it’s happening. Amelia who is a hypnotherapist and an art therapist, discusses the prototypes that are most likely to get gaslit. Dissecting the different types of gaslighting, she explains the personality traits that can play a role in whether or not a person will get gaslit as well as how to avoid a gas-lighter.

How to know when you’re being gaslit.
Stand firm in your truth
How to distance yourself

Are You Just Being Immature? [07:18]

The term gaslighting gets thrown around lightly, and a lot. However, there are times where it is not a gaslighting situation. You’re just having a disagreement. Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation and abuse that is intended to control, contort and alter your sense of reality and your sense of self.

There are so many ways it can impact your self-esteem, your interpersonal relationships, your goals and just everything.

Confuse and Conquer [13:27]

Gaslighting thrives on keeping the person at the receiving end confused and doubting their own reality. Good news is the first step to avoid being gaslit is understanding and detecting when it happens. It’s about being aware of it.

Distancing yourself from gaslighting is the only true way to cut yourself off from its impact.

A Never-Ending Cycle [19:10]

One of the psychological aspects of gaslighting is that it’s a cycle that can be gratifying but it’s important to set boundaries. More so, practicing emotional individuation and not letting others rewrite your personal experiences are all steps you can take towards dealing with gaslighting.

The whole purpose is to cut down your self-esteem or your confidence. They don’t want you to have self-confidence.

Make a Connection:

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· Dr. Amelia Kelley's Website

· Gaslighting Recovery for Women Get a copy Now!

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Marni welcomes endocrinologist and author Dr.Ricky Arenson to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discuss the dynamics between men and women in a partnership. The duo delves into the differences between both genders and how the things that set them apart actually become their strength when combined. While men and women may function on opposing wavelengths, that is actually the key to the success of a relationship. And a happy relationship means a longer life. Longevity isn’t just about eating those berries and that OJ.

Uncover your innate qualities
Why do you keep having the same fights?
Stop scrolling past everything IRL

Make Love Not War [18:18]

We live in a society where everyone is seeking conflict. And it’s amplified by social media. At the end of the day though, what unites us is our humanity regardless of our race or gender.

We all want to come together and see each other as human beings, and see the value and the beauty of being human rather than dividing up by race, gender, and sexual preference.

Women are From Venus, Men are From… [23:36]

The way a man and a woman’s brain function are actually very different. Whereas men tend to get hyper focused on the task at hand, women have a more diverse thinking pattern. A woman’s brain activity shows that there could be a lot going on everywhere.

Because men, when they focus on something, they become very unique, focused. You can’t distract them.

Modern Day Romance [34:28]

The issue with modern day romances is that we’ve all become impatient. We’ve gotten accustomed to just scrolling past anything we don’t like on our phone. And it seems to be a habit we’ve taken in our daily lives.

But relationships don’t work like that. Relationships are a long-term process.

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· Discover the Secret to a Happy Life

· Women Are Superior To Men- Get your copy of this Book Now!

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Marni welcomes Julie Hakim to the Life Check Yourself studio for a live coaching session. Julie is a physician who works at Texas Children’s Hospital. For Julie, it is vital for her to step into her power especially since she’s been struggling to feel seen recently. During the session, the duo tackle what it actually means to feel seen and how to regain control in situations that feel unpredictable.

What’s your external avatar?
How to be Seen
What are energy influencers?

Are You Seen? [01:37]

When you are seen there is a sense of alignment and flow that accompanies that feeling. What are the areas in your life where you feel flow? You recognize it because it is a space of emotional safety.

I think the most immediate response is that I feel I don’t feel vulnerable.

How to Adult [06:40]

Part of becoming an adult is developing roles that you need to fulfill. Those roles differ from person to person. For some, it could be the role of a caregiver, while for others it’s the role of a friend.

Becoming an adult is reframing the perspective that one had as a child and developing into the role as I’m no longer a child, I’m no longer a teenager.

How to Prepare for the Unpredictable [11:10]

It’s difficult going into something not knowing the outcome. But there are certain things you can do to put yourself at ease when in a situation that brings you discomfort, for whatever reason. And that could be anything from not going on a date hungry to taking some space for yourself beforehand. It’s about your energy influencers and those differ from one person to the next.

For your physical self, it might be stuff like I need to make sure that I sleep or maybe hearing music to make me feel empowered.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

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· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us

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Life Check Yourself 436 – How to Navigate the world of relationship and dating when you’re neurodivergent with Jeremy Hamburg and Ilana Frank

Marni welcomes Friendship and Dating coaches, Jeremy Hamburg and Ilana Frank. Having worked for years towards creating strategies that empower autistic and neurodivergent adults, Jeremy and Llana give in-depth insight on the dating world. The duo has come up with a program, dubbed Social Life 360, that teaches clients to confidently meet new people. In this conversation, they touch on our basic need to connect as humans and what that really means. They delve into the struggles faced when dating and making friends as a neurodivergent person. Much of the advice is applicable to people across the board.

How to open your mind
Why is timing important?
The Impact of words

Are You Rigid? [11:10]

This rigidity in thinking when it comes to dating is not just limited to neurodivergent individuals. It is something we are all guilty of. And it reduces the dating pool and with it the likelihood of success.

One of the diagrams we have in our program is a diagram that shows how limited your dating pool is when you don’t open your mind.

How to be Present [15:03]

Many of us get overwhelmed by the unpredictability that comes with dating. However, there are little ways around it that help you spend mental energy on enjoying yourself and the person rather than getting anxious. By knowing what to expect and having your date in a more familiar setting, you’re freeing up that energy to really be present in the moment.

They’re going to know the sensory impact that that date is going to have. So, they’re in control. They’re prepared.

Recognizing That Inner Critic [25:27]

That inner critic voice in your head? Don’t listen to it. It stems from a history of rejections. Many individuals, neurodivergent or otherwise, face challenges as a result of past rejections. By identifying and understanding that inner voice, you can start working on changing it and moving forward in social and dating situations.

Part of it is understanding that recognition. There’s an inner critic voice in my head that’s keeping me stuck.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? Free Training

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us

· My Best Social Life Official Website

· Schedule a No Cost Family Strategy Session

· Autistic and neurodivergent adults can schedule a no cost Family Strategy Session Here!

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Marni welcomes transformational speaker and relationship coach, Stephen Muiriri to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses why women feel trapped in certain relationships and how to overcome that feeling and find their authentic value. Stephen has helped thousands of women overcome dating challenges and find true love. In this conversation, he talks about the importance of finding your value and harnessing that energy to communicate it to yourself and those around you. And that value isn’t just limited to the physical, it is much deeper than that. What do you stand for? What are your values? What are your principles? That is where the beauty really is.

How to let go of the past
Rediscover yourself
Take a step back and reassess

The Sum Cost Policy [06:47]

When you continue to invest in something that is failing, the cost starts outweighing the benefits in your mind. And that’s where the challenge lies. It’s what keeps you there despite knowing better.

They think about what they have put in and what they hoped to get, they still hold on to the hope that things will get better.

Why do we Underestimate our Value? [14:39]

Most of the time, we underestimate our value and who we are as a people. But when you give yourself the value you deserve, those around you pick up on that energy.

Just being a woman is valuable enough for you to command respect.

The Life we Created is A Shield [21:24]

One of the biggest obstacles women face is their lack of clarity. Your identity is who you are; it is your values; it is your principles. To be your authentic self, you need to be clear on those values.

When you know your value, you can express it, you can communicate it. You’re not ashamed or afraid of getting rejected.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? Free Training

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us

· IDEAL REALIZED INTERNATIONAL- IRI.org

· The I Am Factor Program: For Building Successful Relationships _Book a call NOW!

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Marni welcomes one of her clients, Rebecca Purnell to the Life Check Yourself studio. Rebecca shares how she found love. Having had a fulfilling career and what she describes as a great life, she felt something was missing: she couldn’t find her person. Rebecca explains the journey she went through to find her person and the lessons that she learnt along the way. How to date on online apps? Who deserves a second chance and who doesn’t? are just a few of the questions that Marni and Rebecca discuss as they delve into the details of a love story in the digital age.

Take a step back
Ask yourself the right questions
Be curious

Define it then Tear it Down [09:52]

It’s important to look into what are the factors in your past that have created that wall around you. Before tearing it down, you must first define it. When you look into the reasons behind some of your actions, it empowers you to solve them and move forward.

When you just take a pause and find a safe container to revisit those things that you’ve been avoiding, the answer is there.

Give Him a Chance [20:27]

Maybe the first date didn’t go exactly as planned. But if you had a good feeling, there’s no harm giving the person another chance. You never know what this person might have to offer and sometimes it’s worth it.

Always give them a couple of chances based on one day.

He’s Lucky if he Gets You [26:27]

Show the person in front of you that they’d be lucky to have you because you have options. When you show your date that you’re here because you want to be and not because they’re the only person there, it makes a world of difference.

You’re not in that scarcity mentality.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

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· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us

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Marni welcomes strategic dating coach, also known as the OG of online dating, Mike Goldstein in the Life Check Yourself studio, where the duo dive into the male perspective of dating and what men are actually looking for when it comes to a partner. What makes them tick? How do they date? Men, like women, are looking for a safe space where they can be themselves. But what does that actually mean? Their conversation touches on cornerstones of what it means to be in a relationship and how to get there.

How to be his safe space
Speak your mind
How to date right

What Does He Really Want? [16:30]

Men want to feel needed, appreciated, and accepted. They want to show their partner off. But for each man, the definition of that varies. And that definition evolves with age as men start to look at what they really want in a life partner.

So then it’s still showing off, but it becomes less vain. And it’s what would really feel good if a woman has these amazing qualities.

Don’t be the Competition, Be the Prize [20:14]

Your partner is at work all day, fighting his own demons, dealing with his own battles and obstacles. When he comes home, he’s not looking to compete with you. He’s looking to just be with you, let his guard down, and be himself. You’re his safe space, not his battlefield.

Maybe I can be feminine with her. Maybe I’ll be masculine. Whatever I want to do in that moment, she accepts me and doesn’t make it more battle, more conflict. It’s just acceptance.

Breaks Aren’t a Bad Thing [30:31]

This isn’t a race. When it feels overwhelming or demotivating, it’s important to take breaks and just take your distance from the dating scene. Give yourself that space to get excited again.

You’re going to get someone quick when you’re in the right mindset.

Make a Connection:

· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download

· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? Free Training

· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us

· Men (Over 40) Choose Women Based on THESE 4 FEELINGS (My Best Advice)

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Marni welcomes award-winning podcast host and author Damona Hoffman to the Life Check Yourself Studio, where the duo takes a deep dive into what the dating scene looks like today and what are some of the myths that need to be debunked. They delve into the importance of forging genuine connections by slowing down and reflecting on our dating beliefs. Touching on some of the misleading notions that many of us need to dismantle like the chemistry myth or the soulmate myth, the conversation serves as a new-age manifesto for how to make dating more hopeful and authentic.

Take a good, hard look at your dating beliefs
How to rewrite your own love stories
How to show up with intention

F the Fairytale [10:09]

While it may not be evident, the way we date is passed down from generation to generation. That is, the dos and the don’ts, the etiquette and all that comes with the courting stage. Take a good hard look at your dating beliefs and question them. Why can’t you send the first message? Why can’t you, as a woman, initiate things?

Now our dating pools have expanded everywhere, and yet we’re still playing by these old rules that no longer fit.

Why Are We So Obsessed with Chemistry? [18:05]

Chemistry when dating is a myth that can be damaging. Being curious about the person in front of you rather than holding on to that notion of chemistry is more likely to lead to better results or at the very least a genuine connection, if not a lasting one.

For the chemistry myth, the antidote is clear communication.

Dump the Pick-Me Attitude [23:47]

We all have this deep need to be liked, and it’s a feeling that we’re constantly chasing. It’s been aggravated by social media where we’re constantly trying to one-up each other and prove that we’re better than this or that person.

We don’t have to do all that if we are focusing on authentic connection. First of all, it’s going to be a more interesting date for you. Second of all you’re going to show up differently.

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew Free Download
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? Free Training
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us
F the Fairytale (Rewrite the Dating Myths and Rewrite Your Love Story)

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Marni welcomes well-being life coach, trainer and consultant Jamie Heberlein where the duo discuss how to eliminate anxieties when it comes to dating. Having been through it herself, Jamie shares nuggets of wisdom in the form of tips that helped her break free from expectations, pressure, and disappointment when it comes to dating. Part of it is learning that one person’s reaction or action is not a negative reflection of you as a person.

· Transformation through self-compassion

· How to balance your approach to life

· Getting rid of external validation

Are You Forcing it? [10:34]

With the whole manifestation trend, it’s a thin line separating between actually putting that energy out there and obsessing over it. It’s a trap many women fall into, which only ends up making them feel worse about themselves. What happens is that you put yourself down when what you had in mind doesn’t manifest in the way you wanted.

I start going negative. So, it really helped change my mind set to say that I’m going out into the world to have experiences and meet people, and that’s kind of it.

Slow Down [14:11]

It’s sometimes a good idea to take pause when immersed in the hectic environment that is the dating scene. People often forget but take a minute to step back and figure out what are the things you’re not being true to yourself about. Give yourself permission to do the behind-the-scenes work. That’s usually the work that helps you figure yourself out.

I think the non-negotiables of what are the things that I will not negotiate just helped me ground who I am. And I think that even gave me confidence.

Switching from Subjective to Objective[22:08]

It’s the stories we tell ourselves that matter. When it comes to someone not calling us back or canceling a date, it’s important not to attach too much meaning to that. Instead, sit back and look at it objectively before thinking negatively about yourself.

It will happen when it’s supposed to happen. Trust the process. Do the steps to reach out to different guys, they reply…Or they don’t. Then they’re not my person.

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Marni welcomes growth strategist and consultant, Julie Pryor to the Life Check Yourself studio, where the duo discuss how to switch your mindset in a way to make it work in your favor. They reflect on the importance of accountability and that of the words we tell ourselves. Speaking about what it takes to build an impactful brand and the lessons gleaned from her experiences, Julie’s method isn’t just about the numbers.

· How to create your own results

· Trust yourself

· How to hold yourself accountable

Shifting Your Mindset [12:34]

You need to embrace all the things that make you you rather than looking for validation externally. You’re not the victim, you’re the architect of your own life. That is, things are not happening to you; they’re happening for you.

The process is about having the courage to make new choices, having the courage to ask for help, just having the courage to look within.

New Level, New Devil [19:20]

There’s this common misconception that many people hold, where they’re convinced that once they achieve a particular goal, all their problems will disappear. But the reality is that with each stage in life, there are the challenges that come with it. However, you find out through these challenges, the areas where you’re lacking in confidence and how to start working on that.

It was an energy. It was an energetic leaking. I wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted.

Do You Practice Accountability? [27:36]

While it’s not discussed as often as other key concepts, accountability is something a lot of us minimize in our lives. By learning to hold yourself accountable, you also learn to do what you say you’re going to do, when you’re going to do it.

Those couple of projects I’m procrastinating on, I bring them back to the forefront and I recommit.

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Marni welcomes power couple Mali Apple and Joe Dunn to the Life Check Yourself studio, where the trio discuss what it means to deal with jealousy in relationships. They reflect on the importance of communication and addressing the root cause of these feelings. How do past experiences and social influences play a role in breeding feelings of jealousy? Mali and Joe are award-winning authors, coaches, and best friends.

How to have an open conversation
Don’t be impulsive
What is rational jealousy?

Jealousy PTSD and Impulse Control [08:19]

There is rational and irrational jealousy. Sometimes the reason we have feelings of jealousy with a partner has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with our own past experiences. The first step, however, is to do nothing. Don’t act on impulse.

You’ve got to give yourself some time to breathe and take a look at where it’s coming from, where it’s actually coming from.

Why Are You Jealous? [14:27]

It’s important to do some self-reflection as to where these feelings of jealousy are stemming from. What are you telling yourself when you’re faced with a situation where these feelings come up? Once that’s done, it’s time to reprogram your internal narrative or dialogue.

You know that your partner doesn’t want you to be jealous and will do what they can to keep you from being jealous.

One Person’s Cheating is Another Person’s Chilling [20:19]

What is defined as cheating for one person, could be defined as harmless for another. So, it’s important to have these conversations and ask the right questions at the beginning of a relationship.

Some of these questions might determine whether or not you really want to be in a relationship or should be in a relationship.

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Marni welcomes Rachel Russo to the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss what it means to find your person and the importance of aligning lifestyle and vision for the success of your relationship. Rachel has been working with people to help them find love for almost 18 years. The matchmaker, and dating and relationship coach has a long history in the industry and she’s got a few gems to share on what it means to have a healthy relationship with the right partner.

What’s the deal with age gaps?
He might not be what you’re looking for
Do you have core compatibility?

It Starts with You [12:00]

It’s vital for you to know yourself before venturing out on the dating scene. What that means is that you need to figure out what is important for you, what your values are and how it is you want to spend your life.

What they really need is core compatibility on how they want to live and how they want to be in a relationship.

There Is Someone For Everyone [21:28]

No matter what your situation, there is someone out there for you. Whether you’re a single mom in her 40s or a three-times divorced woman in her 50s, there are men out there who are looking for your exact lifestyle and everything that makes you you. Don’t be discouraged by anything anyone says and don’t weave limiting narratives about yourself.

The number of kids doesn’t have to stop you. And also, being really upfront and clear [is important], like I’m not looking for a provider, I’m looking for a partner.

Be Flexible [29:07]

No one is saying compromise everything. But it’s not just about these superficial qualities you’re looking for. While attraction is necessary, and there are certain things every woman looks for to feel that romantic spark, there needs to be more flexibility.

You have to strike a balance because we do have to rule people out. But we can’t make these premature judgments, and a lot of the sabotaging has to do with these superficial things.

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Marni welcomes Heather Leick to the Life Check Yourself studio for a coaching session. Leick’s objective is to get through feelings of imposter syndrome. Heather is someone who reinvented her life after getting out of an abusive relationship and leaving a job she didn’t love to pursue one that she does. The duo discusses imposter syndrome, habit of self-sabotage and Leick’s difficulty when it comes to expressing herself.

· Why do you hide yourself?

· Where does your self-sabotaging stem from?

· What’s your central thread?

Feelings of Belonging are Natural [07:27]

Everybody wants to belong. It’s natural to feel nervous when you’re introducing yourself or presenting yourself to a group of new people. It’s normal to want to be picked and liked.

If you didn’t have that self-doubt, what would that look and feel like?

Self-Sabotage Happens on Different Levels [08:59]

When you hide a part of yourself, it’s a draining on the long run. Partial expression of yourself is not sustainable because it feels dissonant in your body.

When we don’t feel enough that we can be who we really are, we’re sabotaging on so many levels.

The Love Shield [15:05]

The love shield is this central thread that people have that is the through line within their life. When it’s used for good, it’s a super power. But when it’s used in the shadow side, it takes us away from ourselves. It’s essentially a recurrent quality or trait that you have that can either be good or bad for you depending on when and how you use it.

For me, mine is to create possibility, like I can create possibility anywhere. But also, I can create possibility when I’m fixing people who don’t need to be fixed.

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Marni welcomes Evan Marc Katz to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo delves into what dating looks like today and how to navigate it. Why do women keep falling into the same patterns? How do you tap into your feelings?

Evan is a dating coach that has helped over 13 thousand women from all over the world. Having written 4 books, he is also a successful podcast host. In tackling the topic of dating at all ages, Evan explains what it means to find your person. It’s not just about the mantras but setting an action plan.

· Stay in the game

· Seek consciousness and intention

· How to be strong universally

Stop Focusing on Landing the Man [10:00]

We always think of dating as an accomplishment. Women tend to focus on landing the man rather than looking at how they feel. Face your emotions. Ask yourself how you feel within the relationship. It’s not about the man looking good on paper, it’s about the connection that is meant to come with that.

Do I feel safe, heard, and understood? Can I relax and let my guard down, and trust that he’ll be there for me and accept me in full?

Hope Springs Eternal [17:48]

People soften with age, they get better. They’re more self-aware, more supportive of each other. Life is peppered with examples of people who found love not only in the most unlikely places but later on in life as well. And you shouldn’t lose hope but you should set an action plan.

Hope springs eternal. So, my belief is that there’s enough good guys to warrant it, especially for women of a certain age who are surrounded by people who have given up on love.

Dump the Scarcity Thinking [23:12]

Stop doubting yourself If you’ve left your partner for all the right reasons. Trust yourself and start reframing it in your mind. It’s easy to fall into that pit of self-doubt, wondering whether you’ll ever be loved this way again or whether you’ll ever be treated this way again. You will. This relationship was just a stepping stone, it unlocked something in you.

Why would you treat him like he’s the last man on earth? So many people come back to coaching because they had something that was ill-fated, and it awakened something inside of them.

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How to Effortlessly Attract the Man of Your Dreams

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Marni Marni welcomes Dr.Diane Mueller to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses sexual health, intimacy and how to get your sexy back. Dr.Diane is a podcast host who’s helped many women reclaim their vitality and jumpstart their libido. She also holds a doctorate in naturopathic medicine. Women often forget the importance of sex and the nuances that come with that kind of intimacy. However, sexual intimacy is one of the pillars for a good healthy life.

How does stress affect your sex drive?
Sex is a foundation of health
Why you should care about your libido

It’s All in the Hormones, Baby [08:01]

Stress affects men and women differently when it comes to their sex drive. Similarly, the hormones released by men and by women after being intimate have a different effect on each gender. Whereas men release vasopressin, which allows them to then become focused, women release oxytocin, which gives them the urge to be held.

What happens with stress is that stress will actually turn down oxytocin.

What’s Sex Got to do With it? [12:58]

Conversations surrounding sex and sexuality when it comes to women, for centuries, have been regarded as too taboo to talk about. It is only over the past decade or so, that these topics are being tackled more. And with good reason.

Being sexually intimate has proven to raise happiness levels and reduce anxiety. It also decreases social isolation and feelings of loneliness.

There’s some research that is connecting a proper healthy sex life with really maintaining the longevity of a happy relationship.

Be Present [19:18]

To actually enjoy pleasure means to be present in the moment. Sounds self-evident but many women will sometimes zone out during the act as their mind drifts off to the laundry list or the grocery list or something that needs to be done. And that’s because of the way the hormones released affect the brain. However, that’s a sign that you’re not in the present, that you’re not in the body.

The more we’re in that moment experiencing pleasure, the more oxytocin, the more stress resilience, the more happiness and all those things.

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mylibidodoc.com

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Marni welcomes Laura Foster to the Life Check Yourself where the duo discusses what it means to be in alignment with your true self by un-programming yourself. Laura has been helping women through her movement Soul Healing Humanity, and through her technique Holistic Scaffolding, to unpack their bullshit and leave it behind. The maverick, who decided to cut the bullshit out of her own life, guides her clients into doing the same and finding a massive makeshift in their physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.

How to cut the bullshit
Stop the distractions
Be there for you

Is Your Unhappiness Seeping through? [04:40]

It seems evident but looking at your happiness, or lack thereof, is the first indicator of whether you need to make a change or not. And sometimes, you might not even know that you’re unhappy. While things might look great on the outside, and you’ve ticked all the boxes for what a successful happy life looks like, what’s underneath is what counts more.

When I’d stop all the doing and the busyness, and I would start to come into alignment with my true self, it was like that’s where a lot of unhappiness is coming from.

Who is Your True Self?[13:00]

Your true self is what’s underneath everything you’ve been programmed to believe; it’s underneath everything you’ve been conditioned into thinking you need to do; and it’s underneath all the human bullshit. And as you get closer to who your true self is, you get into your power. But that’s something only you can do.

To take back your power means to live in alignment with your true self.

Be Your Own Guru [20:38]

While it is beneficial to hear out other people or gurus, what ends up happening is that you replace one set of rules and dogma with another. However, the reality is, no one knows what’s best for you more than you do.

Once you learn this framework that gets you to where you’re your own guru, then you design a life that you love by you, for you.

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Marni welcomes Gillian Pothier to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo dissects what masculine energy and maleness actually mean. Gillian is a writer, a teacher, and a mentor who has helped women create fulfilling lifelong relationships with the men in their lives. And that extends to their romantic partners, their brothers, and their fathers. Her work centers around what becomes possible when you understand masculine and feminine energy.

We need to talk about dad
How to get right with the nature of maleness
Is it time to reclaim the source of patriarchy?

Going Back to Basics [03:35]

If you’re to start fixing or developing the masculine relationships in your lives, you need to look at the source code, the first template. And that’s the father figure. Women need to look back at what’s inside their systems because we project these same wounds unconsciously over and over again.

If we’re talking about a path of repair with men in the masculine, in our lives, we have to look at the OG.

Dethroning the Father [08:19]

Women do not understand men and maleness. The reality is that so many women continue to homogenize and feminize men. We want them to be like us. It’s important to cleanse ourselves from the distortions taught to us by a culture that degrades men in the masculine.

We tend to use feminine values and ethos and morals and preferences in our relationship with men to judge them as a good man.

Tough Love [14:15]

For what has happened to you as a little girl or throughout different stages of your life, it can easily be said that it wasn’t your responsibility. But the moment it lives in your nervous system and your constellation of beliefs, it becomes your responsibility.

It’s not about blaming women though. But it is about understanding that in order to have the experience that you want, this is an invitation by life or the divine to enter into a heroine’s journey and create.

We have developed a capitalistic socio-political word called the patriarchy. But patria means family.

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Marni welcomes Marie Garvey to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo talks about what it means for a woman to find her own voice and be in her own power, proudly. Marie is an entrepreneur, a motivational speaker and an executive and life coach who has empowered women to find success while being present in their power. From a young age, women are programmed into the good girl mentality. Marie helps them break free of that to become who they are meant to be today rather than who those around them have defined them as.

Our worth isn’t in other people’s hands
How to stop being uncomfortable with conflict
It’s a good girl rebellion

What Happens to the Good Girl? [07:52]

The Good Girl mentality breeds a form of constant expectations where you're always waiting to get a pat on the back or to be commended for doing the right thing. But the danger with that is what happens when you don’t get that pat on the back or the recognition for having been a “good.” And that usually results in women working harder, and thinking that if they just do more, they'll get it.

We’ve been told, ‘Don’t be too much,’ and we’re walking around being people pleasers and perfectionists all the time.

Step Into Your Feminine [15:14]

It is okay to be in your feminine and your masculine energy because both are valuable. But own your feminine energy because the world needs that. Women are better listeners and collaborators whereas men tend to see the world more in black and white. Hone in your feminine advantages and step into that energy.

I think every woman I’ve met, certainly every woman I work with has moderated their light to fit what they believe the world can handle of them.

You Got This [19:55]

When it comes to the workforce, a lot of women don’t trust their own capabilities or power. It’s this overwhelming sense of ‘I haven’t earned this.’

And it is that kind of mentality that stops them from putting their hat in the ring.

There are so many corporations that want women at the highest levels. And my biggest problem is convincing them that they’re ready for it.

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Marni welcomes Shyama Mathews to The Life Check Yourself where the duo discusses what it means to go through menopause and how to handle the changes your body is experiencing. Shyama is a gynecologist who is trained in minimal invasive gynecology surgery as well as a certified menopause specialist. She has helped women navigate their families and careers while enhancing their quality of life. In tackling the topic of menopause, Marni and Shyama agree that it isn’t something that is discussed enough, and it’s important to bear in mind that different women experience it differently. The transition, which has both mental and physical symptoms, is a subject that needs to gain more traction as it affects all women at some point.

Menopause isn’t the big bad wolf
Not everyone experiences it in the same way
How to seek the right information on menopause

Does Our Fear Stem From Misinformation [09:36]

Menopause isn’t a topic typically discussed in the media. The information surrounding menopause and what women should expect isn’t as readily available as other topics. While there are a number of resources, you need to actively search for them as they won’t necessarily how up on your feed. While the average age for menopause is around 50. However, the symptoms for menopause can start manifesting themselves 5 to 7 years before that.

It isn’t actually an irrelevant topic for young women because I do think everyone should sort of know what’s coming down the road.

Don’t DIY it [13:00]

It’s important to find the proper channels and experts to guide you through it when you start experiencing symptoms that you’re not familiar with. When you’re in an age bracket where it is likely to be menopause, do your research and find an expert to help you navigate it and dissect whether the symptoms are a byproduct of menopause or something else.

Go for a consultation just like you would treat any other illness or problem. Go to a specialist for a special problem.

Know Your Options [22:28]

Educating yourself on your body is important, especially as a woman. It could save you a lot of otherwise unnecessary trouble. As women, we need to be aware of our options and that comes through education.

We have old information. We’re doing a huge disservice.

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Marni welcomes Leah Van Dolder to The Life Check Yourself where the duo discusses our relationship with food, perfectionism, and the line that separates success from failure. Leah is a mindset coach who has helped thousands of clients hit their weight goal while simultaneously leveling up their confidence and their energy, as well as achieving a stronger sense of self. Women often set high expectations for themselves, and while that might be good in a lot of cases, it can also be destructive when too much expectation is placed on a certain goal.

How to achieve your goal sustainably
The key is achievable goals
How to have that wake-up call

Allow Yourself to be Human [06:26]

Your mindset should be taking it one step at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself because that is not sustainable and will not get you to where you need to be. Rather than jump all in with unrealistic expectations, break up your goal into achievable steps. You are human, so allow yourself room for error.

What are those daily things that we can do? Such as drinking a liter of water before bed, blocking those workouts in your schedule, or having an appointment with yourself 3 days a week.

Listen to your soul [10:59]

When you feel a certain desire, one that is nagging at you, listen to it. It’s there for a reason. It’s meant to happen for you. But you need to be the one to make it a reality. Make time for what it is you want to achieve.

There’s never going to be a right time to make a change.

What’s Your Relationship with Food [18:20]

Examine your eating habits, look at your relationship with food. We all placate ourselves by reasoning with ourselves. Whether we’re overeating because we don’t want to waste food or we are invited out for dinner at a 5-star restaurant, there is always a way around these excuses.

When it comes to a choice of our own, I think to myself, ‘okay, who is living and feeling the consequence of my choice?

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Marni welcomes Naketa Ren to The Life Check Yourself where the duo talks about balancing life, love, and success as well as learning how to take pauses when you need them. Naketa is a podcast host, author, and the number one balance and relationship advisor globally. The powerhouse helps clients find that work-life balance, build a sustainable successful business while also prioritizing mental health and personal relationships. And it all starts with knowing when to slow down, and how to do it.

Give yourself permission to slow down
How to be mindful
How to leave an imprint on the world

The Multigenerational Imprint [10:17]

The multigenerational imprint that you leave on this planet begins with yourself. It stems from showing up as an individual that honors authenticity, transparency, and kindness. It’s by practicing all those qualities with yourself that you can then share them with others. Be kind to yourself, be transparent with yourself and be authentic and honest when looking inwards.

Authenticity is different from transparency. You could be very authentic and show up as fully who you are but not be transparent with why you are being that way.

How You Show Up Could be Killing You [15:47]

How do you speak to yourself? Is it with kindness? Or are you harsh on yourself? Focus on what it is you say to you because when you put yourself down, and stress yourself out, you’re not only unhealthy mentally but physically as well. Stress dictates a big part of our physical health. It accounts for a high percentage of non-congenital illnesses.

How you think of yourself and how you show up for yourself could be killing you slowly.

Imagine all of those hidden diseases and hidden illnesses that are stress-induced.

High Egos And Corporate Traumas [21:00]

It’s not a bad thing to have an ego, but it is bad to let your ego run the whole show. Unfortunately, we can’t change another person’s ego. What we can do is hold up a mirror to them but sometimes it’s not enough.

And in a work environment, your superiors' egos could be destructive to your mental well-being as well as those around you. But how do you galvanize the shift?

You can change how you react to the person while building your exit plan.

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Nakrta Ren's Website

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Marni welcomes Dr.Ken Druck to the Life Check Yourself where the duo discusses how to heal from loss and use it to become a better version of yourself. Dr.Ken is a best-selling author who has coached leaders both in business and in government. Having gone through the tragic loss of his daughter Jenna, Dr.Ken managed to develop groundbreaking work that has helped bereaved families and taught people how to recuperate from life’s biggest losses.

How do you go on?
Putting your hand on your heart
How to calibrate the plan

What Now? [06:50]

Move from harsh criticism to kind self-compassion. What you tell yourself is important, particularly after a loss. The narrative that you tell yourself is what will determine whether you’ll lift yourself up or whether you’ll sink and miss a potential opportunity to grow.

Of course, you don’t know what to do. How could you? You this is all new. How could you not feel fearful?

Begin by Learning [16:21]

The first step starts with you. To be compassionate with others, you need to first be compassionate with yourself. One you’ve practiced self-compassion, then you can turn it outwards and truly help those around you. Don’t repress the feelings you dislike but rather sit with them.

Nothing special has happened because it’s all special.

The Seven Honorings [20:22]

There are several ways to honor someone you’ve lost. Your own survival is one of them. You get to honor the person you’ve lost by being adamant on living, on surviving. Be stubborn about it. The second is doing something good in their name because that’s something that never dies. That is how you keep them alive beyond the physical world.

It clears the ability in us to take what began as the purest love then became an unspeakable sorrow and to turn it back into the purest love.

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Marni welcomes Crystal Ware to Life Check Yourself where the duo discusses what it means to become the best version of yourself in life, love, and business. Crystal is a former Fortune 500 corporate leader and attorney who realized she wanted more out of life. She quit her job and became an entrepreneur and started her own podcast to help women take charge of their lives. And it all begins with removing the limiting belief that you do not have a choice and getting clear on your vision.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to break free from excuses
Get clear on your vision
How to find that freedom

Are You in a Vicious Cycle? [07:10]

Are you strong enough? Are you smart enough? These are the questions that usually pull a person back into a cycle that they have been trying to get out of, or rather that they know they want to get out of. Fear. Fear in all its forms, fear of rejection, fear of judgment keep you spiraling in that loop. It’s almost like a constant vicious cycle that prevents you from getting off where you need to in order to get to the metaphorical train station.

One of the first things you need to do is get really clear on where you want to end up, having that live vision for yourself is the most important thing.

Break Free from Limiting Beliefs [12:24]

It’s important to recognize that, no matter what stage you’re in, you always have a choice in your career, in your relationship, and in your life in general. Part of that is taking steps towards breaking free from the limiting beliefs you may be holding.

I think when you have the courage to recognize it then the power is liberating.

But What Are Virtuous Cycles? [17:00]

Reframe the question. It’s vital to ask yourself the questions that matter. What would give you more peace? How do you get more satisfaction and happiness? Everybody is tied down by things but it’s about looking at what brings you peace of mind. And finding the answers to those questions is what is going to align your heart, your soul, your body, and your mind with the world. The virtuous cycle is more about finding the positives that you have to contribute to the world and how to make them work for you.

What are the attributes about you that make you shine? How can you turn them into positivity in the world?.

Make a Connection:

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Crystal’s Website

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Marni welcomes Veronica Amaya in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss how to elevate your relationship game and communicate with your partner in a way to get them to listen. Veronica is a relationship and dating coach, and the founder of the Conscious Relationship School. She has helped thousands of women and men overcome dating anxiety and break unhealthy relationship patterns.

Takeaways from this episode:

Men are team players
You attract what you believe
How to communicate softly

Leave Your Judgment at the Door [05:15]

Sometimes, the blame that women attribute to men stems from a place of self-protection and self-preservation. However, when you date with these negative stereotypes about men living in the back of your mind, you end up interpreting everything your partner does through that lens.

You also end up attracting the type of person you fear most.

If you believe a certain thing then you’re going to have that experience. We have to look at how you create those new beliefs that will reflect what you want.

Trust Him to Lead [13:00]

It’s important for the man in a relationship to feel really strong in himself so that he can be secure in the knowledge that he is capable of handling things.

When you start putting more trust in your partner, very often he’s going to show up in ways you didn’t expect.

I think once the butterflies and rainbow part of a relationship is over, these are the things that can sabotage a really good relationship.

The Medium is the Message [19:00]

It’s about communicating softly. It’s in the way you say things. That doesn’t mean that you need to stay silent but rather that you need to say things in a kind and soft way.

Many women go immediately into anger. Men are usually logic-oriented. So, if you give him this problem to fix, he will respond.

Sometimes that means that you won’t get your needs met immediately. Sometimes, you’re going to have a lot of pain that comes up too. That’s part of softness.

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Marni welcomes Silvia Quintella in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss how to clear your path of energy you’ve been holding onto from previous experiences to begin embracing your authentic self. Silvia is an entrepreneur and a certified transformational life coach who has found her passion in energy healing and helping others. She’s guided many women in their journey towards finding their authentic selves and following their intuition.

Takeaways from this episode:

Find safety in your authenticity
How to get to the root cause
Disconnect from that ex

Release That Energy…it’s Holding you Back [06:03]

Coming out of a relationship or a divorce can leave us feeling emotionally imbalanced and energetically depleted. As women move towards middle age, it is particularly questions like, “Will I fall in love again?”, “Am I lovable enough?” that start plaguing them.

However, it’s vital to release the energetic force that they’ve carried during and as a result of that former relationship, or in some cases, from all those former relationships.

Find a balance between body, mind, and soul. It’s not just what my mind wants but what my soul wants.

Give the Order [22:50]

To talk to your spiritual team, you don’t need to meditate or do a particular ritual. Just close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and say, ‘I know what I’m going through and I deserve better. You know I deserve better, so take the lead.’

And that order rewires your brain.

You touch your heart to silence the ego mind.

Trust Yourself [29:02]

Learn to develop trust in yourself. Usually, we have trust issues because the inner child has something that is missing. We need to acknowledge that little girl’s vulnerabilities and weaknesses. We need to explore where they stem from and why.

Next is identifying where we feel it in our body.

Imagine that thing is being removed from every single cell in your body.

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Marni welcomes Frank E Legette III in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss the most common mistakes women make when it comes to relationships and how to improve said relationships, or rather how to know if it’s time to call it quits. Frank is a life coach for women, a pastor and author of the book, The Art of Womanhood. He’s been providing guidance for single women who are looking for a loving relationship for years and empowering them to leave toxic relationships and find their happiness.

Takeaways from this episode:

Don’t chase him
How to keep the power
What is he working for?

Don’t Put him in the Driver’s Seat [15:03]

Using a metaphor, Frank explains that when in a car ride, it is the driver that determines the speed and the direction of the journey. Similarly, in a relationship, it is the driver that is the pursued and the passenger that is the pursuer. Following that logic, one of the main mistakes women make is that they put the man in the driver seat of the relationship before he has earned the right to occupy that space. When the man is in the driver’s seat, he is given the power to determine the direction of the relationship.

She doesn’t know if he’s capable of loving her the way she wants to be loved. And all of a sudden, he’s in the driver’s seat. He determines how quickly this relationship goes..

Broken Heart Syndrome [24:25]

Can a broken heart lead to health complications? Frank elaborates that it has been found that having broken spirit, or rather being unhappy can lead to a series of medical complications, especially among women. And for many women, this source of unhappiness can stem from a toxic relationship. When a woman is unhappy or stressed, two hormones are secreted: adrenaline and cortisol. And these can lead to health complications.

It affects more women than it does men because they refuse not to be loved by the man that they pledged their loyalty and fealty too. And it affects their happiness.

Build a Solid Foundation [30:06]

Women assume that men know how they want to be treated and how they want to be loved. However, it is the woman herself who is the only one that knows how she wants to be loved and treated – men don’t know, regardless of how many relationships they’ve been in.

When you start a new relationship, you’re building a foundation. And if you make it to the altar, on the wedding day, you don’t get a new foundation.

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Marni welcomes Aaron Johnson to the Life Check Yourself studio where they discuss the importance of feeling your feels. The duo delves into the ways in which to hold that space for someone who might not have been socialized into expressing themselves in a healthy manner. Aaron is the co-founder of Holistic Resistance and Grief to Action where he works to help facilitate the healing process for men, particularly within BIPOC communities. How does one heal trauma and process it in a healthy way? And where do we start?

Takeaways from this episode:

Why crying is a necessary release
What is tender platonic touching?
How to feel your feels

Platonic Touching [08:40]

In the exceedingly masculine culture that is America, many men suffer from what Aaron has termed being “chronically under-touched.” What that means is that they did not have enough tender platonic touching growing up. And this manifests in a certain way in one’s adult life.

Tenderness for men, with men, lands in our body initially as violence. It feels like violence, and violence feels like normal. We have to heal that trauma.

Let Him Build Creativity [13:15]

When men aren’t coming from a chronically under-touched state, they are able to be more present within a relationship. But how does one nurture that side of themselves? One of the ways is through creativity.

Now, that does not mean that as women, we need to do this for our partners but rather it means we need to be supportive of them while allowing them to do it on their own. This is a part of their growth.

It’s so important to practice being a good witness but not going in and rescuing right away.

Release and Repair [19:20]

Releasing and repairing are cornerstones of healing. Somatic experiences aid in the release necessary for healing trauma. Music is a somatic discharge experience. While it has historically been used as a means for healing, particularly within POC communities, music has recently become part of mainstream mental health toolkit.

And for good reason, it is a method that is inspiring and profound.

We don’t have a life design in America to actually take somatic healing in its full depth; we’re taking sip of it but we don’t actually have a life design.

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Marni welcomes Mick Heyman to the Life Check Studio where they discuss sound money management. The duo delves into how to manage your finances while staying mellow. Mick is the CFA and founder of Heyman Investments and has been working in wealth investments for over 40 years. A lot of people struggle when it comes to growing and organizing their wealth which inevitably leads to stress. But what are actually the best practices? And where does one start? More importantly how do we deal with our finances while still retaining our chill?

Takeaways from this episode:

How to stay mellow
Don’t completely listen to the headlines
Look back to understand

Examine Your Own Emotions [12:06]

Every single person is unique. What one person can handle; another might not be able to. So, when making certain financial decisions, look at your own emotions and assess what risks you are able to take. It’s equally important to bear in mind that regardless of how much you prepare, surprises will occur. And when they do, you need to have strong hands.

Nobody should have more stock than their sleeping level.

Pay Yourself First [22:40]

Paying yourself first means that wherever that check is coming from, it’s vital to first start by putting a little something away. And that practice eventually becomes a habit that you take with you.

Think of it as money buckets. You put money into those depending on what you want to grow and what you’re okay with risking. For example, one bucket could be for your dream house while the other could be for house maintenance and so on. A little bit of knowledge goes a long way.

Knowing what you own can really help you.

Money, Money, Money [29:02]

It’s important to be patient and to acknowledge that there will be times where you won’t necessarily be hitting your target. There are certain aspects you can control and others that you can’t. The market is one of the things, for example, that you can’t control, and that’s something you need to accept.

In the end, look at what the long-term can do for you, and you’ll relax.

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In this new series of Life Check Yourself, Marni divulges the tips and tricks for professional, successful women to optimize the big work, big life balance. In this episode, the life coach discusses what to do when you feel stuck, whether it’s at work, in a relationship, or in a personal project. Many women feel frustrated when they find themselves unable to achieve a certain goal, and the advice given to them is to work harder. But what if that is not the right advice? In this episode Marni delves into why strategy isn’t the be all and end all of achieving your dreams. It is more about mastering your inner game.

Takeaways from this episode:

Why overworking yourself is not the answer
Stop Trusting the external
Have you been asking yourself the wrong questions?

Why Aren’t the Results Matching Your Intentions? [00:20]

On a professional, as well as a personal level, many women end up feeling frustrated after having put in so much effort and so much of themselves into a certain goal that didn’t yield the results they were expecting. What usually ends up happening is they automatically decide to work harder, and put in twice as much effort. But sometimes working too hard might actually be moving them further away from the answers they need to succeed.

Women, especially, have this built-in wiring and programming that the more that we do (for other people), the more that we shine, the more that we show how great we are, the more we perfect, the more we deliver then we will get noticed for that.

Look in the Mirror [ 07:40]

When things don’t go your way, remove your focus from the external and look inwards. In order to achieve your dreams, you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Rather than focus on strategy, look internally for the answers as to why you are stuck in a certain situation.

Ask yourself the questions that matter instead of diminishing yourself, and laying blame on yourself. Because what doesn’t move you closer to the answers you need to succeed, moves you further away.

What is it that I am pretending not to know in order for me to have the problem I think I have?

Are You Aligned With Your Goals? [12:30]

To succeed, you need to be emotionally-connected to what you are doing, whatever that is. Look at your heartset and your mindset because things fall into place when your authentic self is in alignment with your goals.

There is a difference between what you should do and what you want to do. It’s a trap that a lot of people fall into as they scramble to do what they think is expected of them. However, it is more important for you to do what resonates with you on an internal level.

There are shoulds that are pre-programmed in that are distracting them. They’re working on these things that they think they should do, rather than the things that are really connected to their heartset.

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Marni welcomes Kim DeYoung in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss the fear that comes with making choices. The duo delve into the ways with which to overcome that indecision that paralyzes a lot of men and women when faced with an important decision. Kim is an entrepreneur, choice coach, and the author of The Book of Choice. She has had over two decades of experience in helping entrepreneurs and individuals make meaningful choices that help them bring their ideas and dreams to life.

Takeaways from this episode:

Let go of fear
A lot of it is about consciousness
What is the choice mapping process?

You Control All Your Choices [06:55]

Everybody has to make choices. It's unavoidable, and we’re making thousands of them a day whether we realize it or not. It is important to realize that you have agency and control over your choices. Even when it is something that is out of your control, your agency lies in how you choose to react to it. The key is to find where in that choice you actually have control.

Many of us have been conditioned into thinking that we can’t make a choice due to past experiences among other things. Release that limiting belief.

We sit in a story about who we were, how we were labeled. All of those stories, if we don’t consciously work to get rid of them or remarry them, affect how we show up and how we make choices.

The Choice Mapping System [11:28]

It is important to capture the important internal dialogue for yourself. In noting down your choices and keeping track of them, you are able to learn and grow.

In every choice, whether a positive or negative outcome, there is something to be learned. It is always unfolding for you even when sometimes it doesn’t feel good.

For better or for worse, all the choices we make are unlocking a treasure trove.

A Leap of Faith [17:56]

It is almost like a tug war where on the one hand your fear is holding you back but on the other hand what is possible is pulling you into the future. But pushing forward requires a sense of awareness, consciousness and alertness. It starts by doing the work on yourself and showing up for yourself.

Step into what’s possible to let go of the fear of what’s there.

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Marni welcomes Arielle Ford in the Life Check Yourself studio where they discuss love, betrayal, revenge and healing. Arielle Ford is a celebrated relationship and love expert; she has written over ten non-fiction books. For her most recent novel, The Love Thief, which is fiction, the author draws from real-life experiences to breathe life into her characters who find themselves in situations that mimic real life. The duo discusses why women fall for certain types of men and how these men get into their heads. How do these smart women end up getting hurt despite knowing better? What does it mean to feel the sting of betrayal? Most people have felt it but not everyone has drawn a lesson out of it. Sometimes it takes a few betrayals to get closer to differentiating between what is love and what isn’t. There is light at the end of the tunnel and that light will help guide you to the right one if you give yourself the chance.

Takeaways from this episode:

Don’t Overlook the Red Flags
Falling in love is like being on drugs
How to come out the other side
Don’t beat yourself up; learn
Is love all you need?
Love is a choice

Betrayal is Universal [10:40]

We’ve all done silly things in the name of love. And many of us have beaten ourselves up over not knowing better. But why is it that when someone shows who they are, we don’t believe them?

We’ve all either dated or heard of the toxic narcissist type. He’s smooth, he gets into your head, and he says and does all the right things…at first. What this type does though is target smart, beautiful and successful women. On the one hand, it could be taken as a compliment that he chose you – but regardless, run for the hills. And in the case where you don’t, here’s a little breakdown of that type.

How does he manage to get into our heads? Well, firstly this type of man doesn’t go for the average woman. He goes after the one that is constantly trying to make something of herself; the one who is independent and driven; and the one who gets satisfaction from her career. She is also the one that might crave a certain kind of love, the one who wants a partner who’ll whisper all the things she wants to hear into her ear, the one who longs for a partner who sees her, and the one who wants to be wined and dined.

And that’s exactly how he gets in the door. He plays the role of prince charming, and for a while, he does it well. But in the back of our head, we know that it feels too good to be true. But, by the time we’ve realized that it is in fact too good to be true, we’re already hooked.

Getting over heartbreak is harder than recovering from a cocaine addiction. It’s because of brain chemistry. And I like to call the state of being in love, the socially acceptable form of insanity.

When a person falls in love, their brain is on drugs; it’s on oxytocin, adrenaline and dopamine – all the feel-good hormones. And the person keeps craving more, just like an addict does. When that love is taken away from the person, they have no choice and end up going through a form of withdrawal. And that tends to happen with the toxic narcissist or most red-flag types.

That being said though, there is healing on the other side. And what’s more is that those who go through these kinds of betrayals are now armed with a tool: they can now tell the difference between what is love and what actually isn’t.

Did the Beatles Get it Wrong? [16:00]

All you need is love….but is it though?

This is the mantra of the new-agers. Growing up, we’ve been told that love is letting go of fear; that if you love someone, everything else falls into place. We’ve been exposed to this notion over and over again through the films, the songs, and the books we’ve consumed. But how true is it? Does love conquer all?

In a nutshell, love is not enough. We could love someone who is actually not a suitable partner for us. A lot of us have been through this where we’ve spent so much time in a relationship trying to fix the person or the situation, because we kept telling ourselves that we love them and that that’s all we need. And that it’s worth it. Even when we had an inkling that they may not actually be the one for us.

And yet we persisted, because we’ve been socialized into believing that love means everything and it solves everything.

However, the reality of it is that if we want to have a lasting, long-term relationship, then we need to be with someone we’re compatible with, someone we have a connection with, and who we have strong communication with. And more importantly, someone who shares our vision of the future.

How both partners envision their shared future is what they will both be working towards and building on. So, only having love without any of these other factors that ensure a successful relationship isn’t necessarily a good idea. Partners in a relationship need to be aligned on their vision in order for it to last and be healthy.

All You Need is Love is this myth that keeps women in relationships that aren’t good for them.

It’s a harsh truth. But in reality, when someone’s been in a long relationship, there will be days when they can’t stand their partner, where they almost hate them. But that doesn’t mean they don’t love them. Most people haven’t completely grasped what love means. They think love is a feeling.

Love is a behavior. It’s a choice, it’s a decision, it’s an action, and it’s a way of being.

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Marni welcomes Kalyn Romaine in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss achieving innovative results while still maintaining integrity and compassion. Kalyn is an entrepreneur and an organizational psychologist who empowers individuals to reach their dream careers. The duo talks about what it means to trust your intuition and follow the breadcrumbs to achieve your dream goals.

Takeaways from this episode:

Don’t personalize it
Distractions hinder you
What is nice nasty?

Resilience is Key [11:31]

Resilience is needed to build courage and to hear your intuition. The experience of getting to where you need to be will have ups and downs. But not giving up is key. Most people don’t realize that resilience is necessary. It is what gets you to the very end; it’s what helps you build the strength you need.

Resilience is allowing something to get beat up so that it can be stronger and grow.

Finding Your Identity [19:02]

Most women, and especially black women, describe their business as a side hustle. Men, however, do not describe it the same. Finding yourself, particularly as a woman, and owning it puts a shift in the way you act. If you have started a business and you start calling yourself a founder, which is what you are, you start having more accountability.

It made me think of it as a real company and not just something I’m doing.

Stand in Your Glory [25:20]

Women tend to shy away from taking the credit they deserve. But we need to stand in our glory. When we shy away from it, it diminishes. It inadvertently makes people respect us less. Don’t make yourself small and take the credit you deserve.

The response was totally different. When you diminish who you are, people see you as common

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Marni welcomes Jamie Cannon in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss how to recognize a narcissistic personality, what the tell-tale signs of a murky relationship are and how to get out of it. Jamie is a writer who focuses on trauma, anxiety and grief. She’s worked on empowering women particularly victims of abuse and domestic violence survivors.

Takeaways from this episode:

Trust your instincts
Know the signs
How to recognize love bombing

Recognizing the Signs [04:02]

There is this misconception that associates being stuck in an abusive relationship with a lack of education. However, it can happen to anyone.

A lot of educated women fall either for narcissists or with personalities that have narcissistic tendencies. In the beginning of a relationship, the person they are attracted to either hides these tendencies or uses very sophisticated manipulation techniques.

Moreover, sometimes when a woman is adamant on what she wants, which is to settle down and build a future, it’s easy to overlook those subtle warning signs.

Women beat themselves thinking I should’ve seen it coming but really, should you have seen it coming?

Power and Control [07:20]

The beginning of a relationship blurs a lot of the way we perceive things. It is the phase where everything is exciting and rushed, which means that sometimes, we end up ignoring our intuition. Trust your instinct rather than making excuses for the person’s behavior. Many women tend to ignore their intuition because they have been taught to believe that they are oversensitive or that they read too much into things.

Narcissists, as we say, there’s no empathy there. So, their feelings are really the only feelings that matter.

Where Do We Find Their Value? [14:04]

A lot of women find their value externally. Learning how to find that value from an internal source is important. That is what gives you the freedom to walk away. Whereas somebody who gets their value externally, will be more inclined to stay and frame the situation as a life lesson.

At what point do we stop and say, hold on I know what I need to work on already. This guy does not know what I need to work on.

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Marni welcomes Dr. Sarah Hill in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss a myriad of topics including how hormones affect your identity and how you can stay sexy regardless of age. Dr. Sarah is an award-winning research psychologist and professor with an expertise in women, health, and sexual psychology. She was also featured in the Netflix documentary, The Principles of Pleasure and is a consultant for the dating site, Cougar Life.

Takeaways from this episode:

How do your hormones affect your identity?
Inner beauty is sexy
Is taking hormones bad for you?

It’s not you, it’s your hormones [01:50]

Hormones not only affect our bodies, but our psyche as well. The hormonal transitions that women go through, which span from puberty to menopause and everything in between, have a cascading effect on their entire body including how they experience the world, and the ways in which they think and feel. Hormones can also cause an identity crisis because they are a part of what our brain uses to create the experience of being the person that we are.

You are your hormones. They aren’t just something that happens to you. They are a part of who you are.

Aging is the new 20s [08:58]

Culturally, there has always been this belief that ties women’s sexiness and attractiveness to youth. But these stereotypes are shifting as women are gaining more financial independence and embracing themselves at whatever age. As women gain more resources independently, and as a consequence more power over themselves, they become more attractive to men.

For a very long time, we were dependent on men. And what we’re starting to see [now] is that we have women who have access to their own financial resources and good jobs – and that feels powerful.

Bringing Sexy Back [14:30]

Beauty is only skin-deep…or so the old adage goes. And it turns out, it’s true, to an extent. Beauty comes from having value and feeling valuable. So, it’s important for women to find out, when they’re younger, what is it that they contribute and what is it that brings them value. Whether you’re a career woman or a stay-at-home parent, find out what it is that makes you come alive. People are at their most beautiful when they come alive. And that is something that lasts forever, regardless of age.

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Marni welcomes Polina Solda in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss how to find a partner that is just your type. Polina is the founder and CEO of Love by Design and podcast host of Find the Right man. Using a personality test called Eniostyle, Polina helps clients find their perfect match, that is the type that is most compatible with their personality. In this episode, Marni and Polina talk about the reasons why certain relationships might work out and others might not. Breaking down the Eniostyle personality typing system, the duo delve into what it means to be categorized as one type or the other, and how that can guide you in your search for the one.

Takeaways from this episode:

A couple should be different but complementary
What’s your personality type?
How to find the type that’s most compatible with you
Your thoughts create your feelings
How to train your brain
Know who you are

It’s Not Him; It’s His Personality Type (And Yours) [03:13]

Some matches are made in heaven; others are sealed in hell. But it’s actually nobody’s fault as it turns out. It’s more about compatibility. The number one reason for divorces is incompatibility.

But how do we figure it all out? The Eniostyle test.

The Eniostyle test is a test that helps you understand your personality type and decipher which personality types you’re most compatible with.

The personality typing system is one that actually finds its basis in Carl Jung’s 4 psychological types. And the reason that this test is groundbreaking is that, on a subconscious level, people are looking for someone who is different from them but still complimentary – which is the principle of dual partners.

When we talk about sharing our lives together, what ends up happening if we are exactly the same type is that you can make it work but it’s not ideal. Because the other energies and strengths will be missing.

So, it’s not actually about finding someone who is exactly like you because the complementary energy that comes as part of being with someone different is then missing.

The four personality types in the Eniostyle are North (logical, structured), East (wise, creative), South (emotional, pleasure-driven), and West (impact and growth-driven). And each type has a different mission.

So, for example, South is here to laugh and to feel, which means they have the tendency to be more anxious when it comes to attachment style. And that matters because if a woman who is South is attracted to a man who is East, then the relationship might not fare so well. East is creative, he’s the guy who is most commonly associated with breaking hearts; his interest shifts from one thing to the next. And he can be anxious-avoidant.

It’s in the Essence [ 14:07]

It isn’t just about compatibility, though. But when you’re fully aligned with who you are, you’re going to inevitably be magnetic to your dual partner. So, for example, when it comes to the West-type woman and the East-type man, it’s also important for the East-type man to be fully expressed and follow his path of mastery.

When it comes to your East-man, there’s another factor – I call it frequency – it’s the level that a man is at when it comes to his actualization in society.

When talking about a man’s actualization in society, It isn’t necessarily about money but rather about who they are in essence, and whether they are following that path or not.

When it comes to being with someone, having that different yet complementary energy is important. Because two people who are exactly the same won’t be able to complete each other in the way that two people who are different would.

If you put two west types together – both are driven and ambitious – then who is bringing that playfulness that an east type would?

It’s about finding this balance where each strength completes what the other one lacks.

It’s not just about these external characteristics that so many women are looking for that they forget about who they are. And they’re just looking at what they are.

Going Back to Basics [18:40]

It’s important to identify yourself. And the first step towards that is thinking about your childhood. If you’re not really sure about who you are or why you are here, then look back to your natural strengths, which you’ll find in your childhood.

Your natural strengths show up in the early stages of your life. But the things that happen along the way skew your vision of that as you adapt to what is expected of you, or the pressures that you encounter as you go through life.

While it is not a personality type, and rather more of a concept, there is the type of woman who is trying to be a bit of everything. And that’s not necessarily because she wants to but rather because she’s been socialized into it by being put in certain situations.

Look at how you feel to know whether something is in alignment with who you are or not.

If you’re on a date and it feels like an effort and you can’t be yourself, then that’s a hint that you’re not aligned in that situation. Or think of your job. If it feels very structured and you’re constantly longing for freedom, then it’s not going to be aligned.

It really is about going back to basics, and figuring out what the sources of joy are for you, and what are the things that you can sit there doing all day.

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Marni welcome Jourdan Travers, licensed clinical social worker and specialist in treating anxiety, mood, substance abuse, and personality disorders to the Life Check Yourself studio, where they look into where our feelings of unworthiness stem from; what we’re running away from; and how we can start fixing those detrimental patterns that we’ve carried with us throughout our lives. When it comes to assessing our patterns, we need to first notice them. Once we have, we can begin to understand them while also accepting certain realities. That is when we begin to transform. A crucial part of healing and moving forward is acceptance. Looking into that – without invalidating your own emotions – will help bring clarity to other areas in your life. The duo discusses the notion of change, and the instinctive human reaction to avoid it. However, in avoiding it, we end up creating more discomfort.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to manage your emotions
When do you feel like you’re not enough?
How to recognize your patterns
Don’t avoid change
Figure out what it is you want
Stop focusing on the external

What Are You Trying to Numb? [03:00]

When it comes to starting your healing journey, there is an aspect to it that is not discussed enough. And that is, taking the step to notice and realize the patterns you keep repeating or the cycles that you’re in.

A lot of people don’t recognize their own patterns and how they might manifest. But it’s crucial to ask yourself the telling questions that will help you get to the answers you need to move forward. What are the months or seasons that are the most difficult for me? What are the sensations that have me reflexively reaching for that wine glass? What am I trying to escape?

Every single person experiences emotions differently in their own bodies. But a good starting point is recognizing when you get triggered, how you get triggered and why you get triggered.

The first thing one would do is just notice, or be curious about [certain] behaviors in that they might be connected to a feeling.

A lot of the time, people will look at themselves and link a certain situation going wrong, or a dream not coming to fruition to flaws within their character. However, the truth of the matter is, nobody is perfect. That doesn’t mean you need to constantly berate yourself for it. Sometimes, a person may feel like they have all these flaws and aspects that they don’t like within themselves. And if they were just to fix all of them, then everything else would fall into place. But that’s not the reality of it.

It’s an addictive fantasy. It’s this notion of, if I can fix this, then everything else will be fixed.

People are so accustomed to not being perfect or good enough, that it is important to pause and recognize those moments when you’re feeling that way. That’s where all the information lies, that’s where you get your answer. What are the moments in your life where you feel like you’re not enough? That is where your reflection should start.

The feeling of unworthiness that most people carry of not being enough is not a core belief that is learnt and held onto but rather it is a narrative people tell themselves.

Embrace the Messiness [ 11:45]

Affirmations have become a popular practice for a reason: they’re helpful, they serve a purpose, and they can be useful. That being said, the affirmations should be realistic; they should be thoughts that can help guide us essentially.

Unrealistic affirmations won’t have any effect. However, affirmations like this too shall pass or nothing lasts forever are two powerful mantras. That’s not to say that we can’t add on to these. We can, and we should but they should always be realistic.

Life is painful. We cannot escape that. It’s that pleasure-pain principle.

Accepting and reminding ourselves that life is made up of both the good and the bad, the difficult times and the wonderful times, is what actually helps us get through those dark moments.

Human beings, essentially, want to feel joy consistently. But existing in a constant state of euphoria or happiness is not realistic. It goes against the very nature of life. And the more we chase that constant pleasure, the more unsatisfied, and discontent we’re going to feel.

Stop Avoiding [19:14]

We all avoid things in different ways. While some are more avoidant in relationships, others are avoidant within their careers. It’s not a one shoe-fits all description. Different people will have different patterns of avoidance in different areas of their lives.

But with avoidance, you get stuck. So, sit down with yourself, look at your patterns and question yourself. Looking inwards and asking yourself how you contributed to the break-up, for example; Or how you ended up in a certain situation is where the work starts. Maybe you just got burn by love again. Is it because you’re drawn to this type of person? Is it because there is a feeling there that you keep running towards?

Nothing happens in isolation, we don’t live in a vacuum.

Asking yourself what are the thoughts and behaviors that propels you to act in a certain way is how you get to the root cause of the pattern. It’s more about looking inwards and identifying the triggers, the feelings, and the situations than it is about searching for answers externally.

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Marni and Chris dive into the finale of reality show, Love is Blind, to analyze where it all went wrong for some of the couples; where it all went right for others; and what lessons can be gleaned from these relationships. The duo look into how to navigate a break-up with grace and dignity, and how to show up in a manner that matches your energy. As these couples go through the ups and downs of dating, much of their behavior mirrors our own IRL. From the heartaches to the make-ups, Marni and Chris break it down by observing the contestants’ actions with each other on the show. What is the energy you’re putting out? How to find freedom from your past? And should you give second chances?

Takeaways from this episode:

Don’t seek council from your single friends
It’s about your energy
How to breakup with grace
Be dignified
How to accept the person in front of you
Flexibility in a relationship

Ditch the Mean Girl Vibes [01:35]

Ditch the mean girl attitude. Firstly, because it’s not a good color for anyone. And secondly, because it says a lot about a person.

An example of this is Micah and Paul. When talking about Micah, Paul mentions that he was surprised to find out that she wanted a family and kids. The vibe he picked up on – or rather the energy she was putting out – may have been as a result of her mean girl behavior in the beginning. That type of attitude doesn’t give off mother, or even wife energy. It is not associated with being nurturing or kind. In fact, quite the opposite.

When it comes to dating, you’re essentially collecting data about a person throughout the experience – whether that’s done consciously or unconsciously. Throughout her relationship with Paul, Micah acted in several ways that may have informed Paul’s ultimate decision. That being said, she has made a concerted effort to grow as a person throughout the show.

It’s about the energy that you put out. You can say you want to be a mom, or you can say this or that. But it’s how you show up.

It’s about the actions that are taking place outside of the relationship, too. It’s about your interaction with people, and about how you talk about them. And that includes your family and friends.

Navigating the Breakup [10:40]

While it may be tempting, it serves no one to talk negatively about your significant other when you break up. The dignified and graceful thing to do is just to walk away and move on. It’s hard but it’s worth it in the long run.

When you break up with someone, you don’t need to put them in the wrong for you to validate or justify the separation. Zack was one of the contestants that modeled that behavior. When Marshal and himself were put on blast on social media, they did a wonderful job at handling it.

It’s really about having grace and forgiveness

Marni mentions that Zack’s mature behavior today may be as a result of his tumultuous upbringing as well as his job as a criminal defense lawyer. His belief in second chances, which is something Bliss admired, is a result of his past and his present.

His forgiving nature is an attractive trait. Because when you forgive someone, you’re not doing it for them, you’re doing it for you. And it’s within that forgiveness that you find a release. It’s liberating

Are You Growing Together? [14:44]

Kwame and Chelsea are a couple that emulated this notion of growing together. Whereas Chelsea started off being rigid and uncompromising, she slowly learnt to let go with Kwame. A relationship doesn’t work without compromise, nor does it work without flexibility.

So, while it’s good for you to know what you want and go after it, it’s equally important to recognize when you should allow for a compromise. Pick your battles. Because there are going to be times in a relationship where you’ll have to do something for your partner that doesn’t necessarily fit into your general plan. And knowing how to navigate that, and be flexible about it, is key.

Kwame and Chelsea made each other better versions of themselves. They managed to grow from the parts of their partner that were challenging for them. And ultimately, that’s what successful relationships are about.

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Marni and Chris dive into the dynamics of relationships between the contestants on the reality series, Love is Blind, to shed light on our behavior in the dating world. The duo looks into everything from how to handle the tough conversations to how far you should push your partner on certain issues. We all have insecurities when it comes to dating, and finding your person is a difficult trek that requires nuance in the way you handle your interactions. Dating is about learning about yourself as well as other people, and how to navigate your interpersonal relations with them. In looking at the interactions between the contestants on the show, lessons can be gleaned and applied within our own personal lives. Their insecurities, their faux-pas; and their actions, all mimic our own behavior in real life.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to communicate in an argument
Don’t Pepe Le Pew him
Love, alone, is not enough
Be confident in your choices
How to handle the timeline on the conversation
Don’t dismiss his concerns

Should You Sleep on It? [02:19]

There are two schools of thought when it comes to arguing, especially when it’s close to bedtime. One school is that you should never go to bed angry at each other; the other is that when you’re exhausted and it’s late, it makes more sense to sleep it off, and discuss the issue the next day once you’re well-rested. So, which one is it?

Well, it depends. It’s more about being clear and communicative on the timeline of the conversation. But sometimes, wanting to postpone the conversation could leave your partner confused and feeling dismissed, even if that’s the healthier decision to make at that point. When you’re exhausted, and you’ve had a few drinks, pausing on the conversation to continue it later, makes more sense.

That’s because these conversations tend to be tough due to the fact that they’re emotional. This is amplified when you’re a person who is not necessarily comfortable with vulnerability. However, that being said, in either case, if you’ve had a few drinks, maybe consider having the conversation when sober because it could escalate the issue.

Men need actionable instructions.

If you do decide to have the conversation the next day though, acknowledge your partner’s feelings; and be clear on the duration, the path and the outcome. That is, explain that you’ve taken note of your partner’s feelings and clarify that you’ll have the conversation at an agreed-upon time. Rather than being dismissive, and just saying you’re tired and want to go to sleep. It’s borderline manipulative to leave someone hanging without explanation.

Trust Yourself [20:31]

It’s common to constantly be looking for validation from our friends when it comes to the person we’re dating. But ultimately, you need to trust ourselves with your decisions. And that requires strength and confidence in yourself and your choices.

At the end of the day, no one knows your partner as well as you do. And you need to be able to block out all the white noise and make that choice for yourself.

Remember, there might be outliers who don’t support the person that you’re with. Ultimately you have to get to a place where you’re doing this for you, and you have to be able to trust yourself.

Micah is an example of this. In the beginning, when her friends were putting down Paul, she didn’t stand up for him. But as the relationship and the show progressed, she finally took a stand. She was vocal with her friends in telling them that they needed to support her, and that she would no longer be having this conversation about Paul with them. And that was a show of strength on her part.

If you’re with someone, then be convinced with your choice and stand up for it. You’ve got this.

Stand up to Your Family [24:49]

In the same vein as standing up to your friends, you need to stand up to your parents when need be. And that’s not just limited to your romantic choice but your overall decision in life. Many of us walk around with trauma passed on from our parents. And rather than do the work and get through it, we ended up letting these past traumas dictate our lives.

These things don’t define you, and once you’ve worked through them, you come out the other side more confident in yourself and your choices.

In talking about Bliss and Zack, Marni and Chris discuss her dad. He’s negative and pessimistic. And yet, she’s managed to flourish in life, and she stands her ground when it comes to the man she chose to be with, even if that means going against a parent.

Bliss has managed to be successful despite the storm of negativity she’s received from her dad. Work through your stuff and flourish. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of that.

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Marni welcomes Frieda Birnbaum, research psychologist, psychotherapist and published author, to the Life Check Yourself studio, to look into why committed relationships and marriages fall apart, and how to prevent that. While a financial prenup is the norm, what is necessary is an emotional prenup. Where one prenup alludes to the possible failure of the commitment, the other one ensures its success. The duo talks about what it actually means to be committed and married to someone, and look into the details of the vows you make to each other. How do these vows and promises translate into real life? What does it actually mean to honor your partner? Part of the process is identifying and understanding yourself. It is by doing so, that you can set boundaries and agree on certain things, as part of your emotional prenup, before taking that step.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to shift your perspective
How to merge your masculine with your feminine
You’re the only one holding you back
Age really is just a number
How to step up your emotional prenup
Fighting in a healthy way

The Devil is in the (Emotional) Details [03:00]

The emotional prenup is to prevent divorce as opposed to the financial prenup which is a failsafe. So, why do people go into marriages with a failsafe rather than an agreement that defines the parameters of how the relationship will work?

When we get into a committed relationship or a marriage, there are certain things we expect; there’s a certain standard. For most, it’s monogamy; it’s a support system; and it’s a future with an aligned vision of life that we’re excited to share with our partner. These thoughts are, however, comforting but not enough.

We need to look into the details of what’s comfortable.

Because what does happen in a marriage and in a relationship, is things come up that are not expected.

A lot of times, when people move to the next step, they realize, once they’re in that stage, that they don’t have the answers to some of their core questions. And as these issues start to come up, they affect the marriage.

Frieda suggests a sort of marriage certificate as well as a certificate that outlines the things agreed upon and not agreed upon. An emotional prenup is like a manifestation of your vows. It’s looking into those vows and deciphering what they actually mean, and discussing the important points prior to making that commitment.

Identify Yourself [11:10]

Today, a lot of women have both masculine and feminine traits. And that’s not a bad thing, because these sides of you complement each other. The masculine traits are the parts of you that are driven, problem solving, and career-oriented.

Merging them and reconciling both of those sides allows you to identify yourself, which is important.

Frieda shares an anecdote of a moment where she questioned herself as a mother. At the time of the story, she was both taking care of her children and working towards her career goals.

However, as it turns out, it was in identifying herself and pushing through that she became the person she is, today. At the time where Frieda questioned herself, women didn’t hold the same positions they do today. The norm, today, is that women juggle children, careers, and so on. Back then, that wasn’t the case. In that, Frieda was ahead of her time.

The lesson is about realizing that it’s not about making friends, it’s really about having the insight to keep pushing and making yourself uncomfortable to be comfortable.

It’s about owning your space and going for what you want, regardless of what the world thinks of you.

What Goes Into the Emotional Prenup? [17:38]

It’s important to sort certain issues out ahead of taking that serious step. A lot of these issues can look like couples having the same fights over and over again. Or, one partner’s inability to let go of the past. But in discussing how you will tackle these issues in the beginning, your marriage has a better chance of making it.

Otherwise, you end up going to therapy, which is more difficult because it’s about fixing what’s broken. Whereas with an emotional prenup, it’s pre-emptive; it’s more of a unification between two people to work through it and to work hard. Because marriage isn’t easy.

Setting boundaries and having an understanding of what’s important for you and for your partner is part of that agreement. Because what’s important for you, might not be as important for the person in front of you.

We tend to repeat ourselves, we tend to argue in the same way over and over again.

It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong, or what’s right and what’s wrong but more about what will have the best effect and outcome. And you get to that by listening to each other, and by learning to compromise for each other, which prevents repetition.

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Marni and Chris look at the budding and failing relationships in reality series, Love is Blind, to glean the lessons that can be taken and applied when dating IRL. Looking at the different archetypes that the contestants represent, the duo dissect the situations on the series to answer questions we’ve all had when out in the jungle that is the dating world. The behavioral patterns we all exhibit, at one point or another, are mimicked in the actions of these contestants as they navigate their interpersonal relationships. From the girl who keeps falling for the same toxic guy, to the guy who stays and never gives up, to the girl who lets her mean- girl friends dictate the qualifications of her boyfriend. It’s a trap we’ve all fallen into, and sometimes still do.

Takeaways from this episode:

Don’t be an enabler
How sweet is too sweet?
Don’t mistake the storytelling for a connection
What’s trauma bonding?
He’s a good communicator
Vulnerability has several stages

Getting Real is Scary [07:46]

Being vulnerable with someone is terrifying. And, unfortunately, a lot of us go through life hiding pieces of ourselves from the people we’re dating, where we’d rather keep it fun and light. It’s not just men; it’s women as well.

It’s a situation where as soon as things start getting heavy or too real, we feel like it’s time to exit. And for some, even when they don’t exist, they stay in the relationship for years, without ever really going deep or speaking about their actual feelings. But being vulnerable and expressing ourselves is not only important for the relationship but for our own well-being as well.

Part of being in a committed relationship is learning how to have challenging conversations.

A lot of the time, we keep it light because we want to come off as low-maintenance, or as fun. We want to keep it going, so we hide those parts of ourselves – the feelings and the insecurities – in an effort to not rock the boat. But the effect of that on our psyche is detrimental, whether we realize it or not. There’s inevitably a disconnect.

If what’s on the outside isn’t matching what’s on the inside, that creates internal friction.

And that leaks into our relationship because at some point, when we’re faced with something real, the relationship collapses. If we haven’t shown that part of ourselves, or voiced these feelings, then how can we expect the person in front of us to understand? Being vulnerable is scary, but it’s necessary.

It’s an Uphill Effort [12:28]

It’s an uphill effort, but it’s worth it. A lot of times, when we get into a relationship, and it’s time to be vulnerable, we think that we’ve gotten through the tough part; we can now relax. But the thing is, with vulnerability, it comes at different stages. And with it, there’s always the risk of rejection.

You get through the first part, which is going through your trauma; your past; and the experiences that shaped you. But that’s only the first stage. There’s the vulnerability of deciding on your future together and of sharing your aspirations with that person. And sometimes, you won’t have the same vision.

Chemistry is necessary but not sufficient; love is necessary but not sufficient.

Kwame and Chelsea are an example of getting to the next stage. Compromises need to be made. And it’s a difficult conversation to have with tough decisions required to be made. However, Chris points out that with Kwame and Chelsea, it seems like Kwame is making most of the decisions and Chelsea is coming on too strong. She’s not realizing that she’s asking him for a lot of life-changing compromises, without giving him a minute to process and register.

Relationships should be reciprocal. It’s a two-way street. And the compromises need to go both ways.

Your Friends Need to Stay Out of it [16:45]

It’s great that your friends are protective. But there’s a line that needs to be set. While they may have certain (valid) opinions, the decision is yours and yours alone. You’re dating him, and you need to be the one to suss him out, in your own time, and in your own way.

Don’t outsource the qualifying of the guy you’re dating.

Paul and Micah are an example of that. Marni and Chris point out that Micah’s friends are mean girls that are constantly attacking Paul, and Micah doesn’t do anything about it. And that’s a red flag.

Moreover, it’s time for the mean-girls attitude to be permanently canceled. Pick better friends, and even when you do, set boundaries when it comes to their opinions or negative interactions with your boyfriend or the person you’re dating.

At the end of the day, your relationship should be between you and the person you’re with.

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Marni welcomes author, educator and TEDx speaker, Nancy Sokol Green, to the Life Check Yourself Studio, where they discuss the physical and internal mechanisms that affect our actions and by extension, our behavior in relationships. The duo talks about what it means to look at our foundations with the intent to start fixing. Our behaviors are a result of an underdeveloped lower brain. But what does that mean? It means that, for some, automatic body functions that are supposed to be fully developed are not, which goes on to dictate much of the way they act externally. Nancy dives into the details behind these functions and their influence on us. But, ultimately, to change, it takes going back to basics, back to our foundations.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to change the biology reaction in your patterns
Fixing the Foundations
How is your lower brain impacting your actions?
If it’s not there internally, it won’t be there externally
Why can’t you forgive?
How to develop your lower brain

Look at the Foundation of the House, not the Roof [01:27]

It’s about asking the questions that are going to get you to where you need to be by looking at the root cause, and not hyper-focusing on the symptom. Nancy uses the analogy of a crooked roof to explain her approach. The author elaborates that it’s not so much about looking at the crooked roof and trying to fix it but rather finding the cracks and gaps that are in the foundations. Because once those are fixed, then the walls; the roof; and everything is set up right. Once, we’ve learnt to look at things from that perspective, our gears begin to shit, and our mindset starts to change.

In this context, we’re talking about our brain and our nervous system. How are they currently wired? Nancy talks about the concept of the lower brain and explains that parts of our lower brain are sometimes not completely developed.

As adults, we’re supposed to have all these automatic functions that we’re supposed to have when our lower brain is fully developed. But that’s not always the case. That being said, the way these automatic functions are wired affects a lot of aspects within our lives.

For example, there’s gravitational security, which is about whether or not we feel physiologically secure and grounded to the earth; some people don’t have that. And for them, it’s like they’re walking throughout life on a high rope.

I’m already more concerned in my life about falling than connecting with you. If I don’t feel grounded physically, how am I going to feel grounded emotionally?

The physical then transfers to the emotional state as well. Another example of physical functions that transfer to relationships is our peripheral vision. Some people who lack in that department find it manifesting into their relationship. Their world is literally all that’s in front of them; it’s all about them; there’s no right and no left.

Developing Your Lower Brain [14:50]

When plan A, which is developing the lower brain in the first year of life, doesn't work out, all is not lost. Now, it’s time for plan B.

A lot of people are missing automatic functions. And they don’t realize what they’re missing because they don’t get it until they actually feel that function. And what makes the brain brilliant is that it allows you to change it. And it’s always changing, either way, whether you’re doing it consciously or not.

But if you don’t have a say in how it changes, there’s a good chance it might change in a way called maladaptation.

To change your brain, you just need guidance. It takes work, but once you’ve got it down, it stays with you for life.

Stamp Memories [19:38]

We all have a million things that stress us out throughout the day, the week, the month, or the year. However, what happens is that we’re supposed to solve these little incidents as we go along. And when we do, usually what happens is once we’re gone to sleep, the brain continues to work at night in order to consolidate these memories. Once consolidated, they’re given a metaphorical time stamp and filed away not to be brought up again.

But what if you haven’t resolved that issue that happened in your day? Then your nervous system, whose job is to keep you safe, becomes concerned. The incident hasn’t been resolved; the memory hasn’t gotten consolidated nor has it gotten filed in the archives. What happens then is that it’s likely to show up again throughout your life. Because as soon as there’s a trigger, and it could be a small one, your nervous system scans your history, remembers that particular unresolved issue, flags it, and you end up reacting in a more extreme way because it feels bigger than it is. It brings you back to that no-date stamp memory.

We don’t just have one or two no-date stamps. It’s not like you forget the memory if it’s a really big thing, but it’s the charge; it’s that charge that you’re bringing up to the present.

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Marni and Chris dive into the fourth season of reality series, Love is Blind, to take a look at what goes on behind the scenes of the dating world by contemplating the contestants’ behavior. The duo discusses what it means to be attracted to a certain archetype and how that reflects on you. Dating comes with its own set of etiquette, and sometimes it’s confusing, especially when you find yourself in that grey area between casually dating and being exclusive. Questions as to how to handle it surface. What situation warrants jealousy? When should you talk to the person about? Which partner should you pick? How do you navigate your significant other flirting with someone else? The questions are endless, but Marni and Chris take the example of couples on-screen to unpack all the answers.

Takeaways from this episode:

Don’t fall in love with potential
How to date from a place of confidence
Stand up for your self-worth
What you need vs what you want
How to figure out your type
Be honest with yourself

Settling for the Familiar [04:05]

Zack, one of the contestants on the series, is someone who is upfront about his baggage; he doesn’t hide his traumas. But at the same token, he doesn’t seem to want to do the internal work on himself either. And that affects his dating choices as he navigates towards the familiar, Irina, rather than the potentially healthier choice, Bliss. His behavior mimics much of our own behavior IRL.

When faced with the choice between two women, who are essentially polar opposites, Zack picks the one whose baggage resonates with his own personal trauma. He picks Irina, who is somewhat mean, because she’s the easy choice in that she has similar issues and will accept him as he is. Whereas Bliss is grounded and career-oriented. She’s the type that sets boundaries.

Picking the Irinas of the dating scene is a common trap we all fall into. It’s not about there not being any good men or women out there. There are. It’s just that much of the time, we’re not dating from a place of confidence. So, we lean into the person who is emotionally unavailable because that’s the stage we’re at. And unfortunately, that means we sometimes miss out on the good guy because we were too distracted with what we wanted and what we were familiar with, then what we may have needed.

You’re just so tuned out to that frequency; you’re deflecting the possibility that someone is treating you well, that you end up attracted to someone that is emotionally unavailable like you are. It feels familiar.

And even when we meet the good guy, it’s almost like we’re making up reasons not to choose him. It’s a form of self-sabotage. Rather than doing the work on ourselves, and standing up for our self-worth, we choose to settle for what we think we deserve.

But why is he your type? [12:55]

When talking types, it’s vital to look at the why. If you’re someone who’s usually attracted to the emotionally unavailable, then look into the reason behind that attraction. In understanding why a certain archetype attracts you, you’ll begin to unpack what it is you actually need versus what you want. A lot of the time when dating, people go for what feels good in that particular moment but that’s not always the right decision.

So, when it comes to figuring out what you want in a partner, go deep. Write down in a journal the things that attract you and why. Find out what is the type of person you need that brings out your higher self and inspires you. Because that’s the type you can build with. Basically, figure out your wish list.

Marni and Chris talk about Mika and Paul. Mika admits that Paul isn’t what she usually goes for. But while he might not be her type, he could be what she needs.

When you’re dating someone who is treating you well, and giving you what you need, not what you’re used to, you will have to be uncomfortable [for a while] and allow yourself to get to know that person.

Don’t Search for External Validation [21:27]

Marni and Chris talk about Mika and Irina’s behaviors of flirting with men who are already taken in an effort to validate themselves – regardless of how their actions may hurt or affect someone else. They get their power from being desired physically.

And this is an archetype that is found IRL on the dating scene. But it speaks to a lack of self-love, and stems from a place of insecurity.

There is a certain set of beliefs that we hold on to, no matter what our age is. And it’s one many of us might be familiar with or might have gone through at one point or another. It’s this idea that if we’re sexually attractive to those around us, then we have the power; we are enough. But in most cases, men will flirt or sleep with you. But it doesn’t mean they will be attracted to you long-term. Because that isn’t where your validation should stem from, nor is it what you should derive your value from.

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Marni welcomes Matt Hogan, entrepreneur, coach, and wanderer (only a few among many of his other titles), to the Life Check Yourself Studio, and they explore what it means to let go of the guilt and the shame that’s been holding you back from achieving balance in your energy and your life. The duo ponders the steps it takes to unlock the next phases in life. In a world that is constantly obsessing over productivity, and checklists, it seems human beings have forgotten how to reconnect with their authentic selves. Matt and Marni discuss what it takes to fall back in love with yourself and unleash your desires. And it starts with taking responsibility for your experiences, your past and whatever it is that’s keeping you stuck. By learning to acknowledge and forgive yourself, the whole world opens up, and what once seemed impossible becomes very much possible.

Takeaways from this episode:

Dating is a buffet culture
Let your energy flow
How to release your guilt
Stop dragging your energy down
How to restore balance in yourself
Forgiveness is empowerment

Navigating Through Dating with Transparency [02:04]

Dating can be tough; especially that we’re all coming in with our own baggage. Add to that, that there are already so many options out there, and it becomes stunting sometimes. And that makes it even scarier to open up about certain things when you’re never really quite sure if the person in front of you will accept them.

However, when we start accepting these things ourselves, the people we attract don’t end up judging us for them. We all carry guilt or shame for certain actions in our past or certain traumas, but it’s important to remember that we’re human. In doing so, we allow ourselves the grace to fail, and subsequently forgive ourselves for those shortcomings.

Matt, who at some point in his life had attempted suicide, speaks of the guilt that came with that, and the shame that he held around it. He explains that it was a really difficult story for him to share, partly because it came with a fear of being rejected. But essentially, these feelings stemmed from the grief that he was still carrying within himself about it; it was grief that he had never processed.

You still hold a little bit of guilt or judgment for yourself, and you haven’t let yourself off the hook yet as a human being.

Whatever it is that has triggered that guilt in us, if we haven’t dealt with it and processed it then we take it with us into the new relationship we’re getting into. It’s almost like we’re stuck and we’re carrying that energy with us into the next phase. Whereas when that energy can flow; when it can move, we can finally begin to let it go. And once we’ve stopped holding back, and we’ve processed it, and released it, we attract the right people who won’t hold us accountable for our past.

It actually makes your relationship open up because you’ve opened up.

Falling in Love with Yourself is Your Responsibility [07:40]

Start by taking responsibility. It’s about being responsible for your feelings; your actions; and your experiences. Realize that you’re not responsible for other people’s actions, or for how the world reacts. Release that need of trying to control what’s out of your hands.

At the end of the day, it’s about restoring balance within yourself. Having all the enablements of the past – be it relationships or experiences – take a hold of your energy drags you down.

So, to support yourself in all the parts that make you, you, stop and recognize what's happening within you. If you find difficulty getting out of bed, or you feel like you keep running and running without ever getting anywhere, then that’s the first thing you need to draw your awareness to. That’s where you start from.

Nature is always trying to balance itself out, and we are a part of nature.

If you look at the planet around us, it’s trying to balance the system so that it functions. Our bodies, because we are nature, do the same thing. We always want to rebalance, whether that’s on a mental, physical, emotional or spiritual level. And they all work together.

Being able to take responsibility by pressing pause, and saying to yourself, ‘this is where I’m at’, ‘this is how I feel’ is how you start to fall back in love with yourself. And once that’s done, you can attract what you desire most.

It takes a lot of courage to have that awareness and really listen to the whisper.

Claim Your Desires [17:16]

Women, in today’s culture (and historically), are almost not expected to want and to desire. But desires are healthy; they are beautiful.

It’s healthy and beautiful for women to desire. Let your desires fly and find peace and balance within yourself as you open up to your desires.

It’s not about shutting down the desires that you haven’t claimed yet but rather about finding out what is that feeling that you’re chasing after, what is that feeling that you want in your life, and actually inviting that into your daily life. If you can trace back the feeling that you want, then you can look at the space between who you are now and who you are becoming. And once you get clear on the feeling associated with who you’re becoming, you can get clear on the balance you need. It’s then a matter of deciding what that looks like for you and taking responsibility.

Ultimately, it’s about how do you decorate the inside house that is you?

And that could be through stability, or security, or safety or balance. It depends on you. But search for it internally, not externally.

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Marni and Chris dive deep into the interpersonal relations of the contestants on reality series, Love Island, to figure out the dynamics that are ever-present in the dating world. For the finale, the duo discusses what it means to put a label on it, and what it takes to get to that point. Is exclusivity just another variation of being in a relationship? And when is the appropriate time to exchange, I love you’s? These are all questions we’ve asked ourselves when dating, and it’s tough to have all the answers when you’re in the thick of it. But in looking at how these contestants deal and react to each other, we learn to look at ourselves and our behavior IRL. Reality of it is that sometimes things get lost in translation when it comes to the sticky business that is the dating world.

Takeaways from this episode:

Should you say it first?
Be vulnerable
Do the test drive
Don’t give an insincere apology
Don’t be evasive
Ask the follow up questions

What’s With All the Labels? [01:21]

Labels. For some they’re scary, for others they’re necessary, and for most they’re just about clarity. But what is the difference between being exclusive and being in a relationship?

Generally, on the dating scene today, exclusivity comes before a relationship. It’s a more casual step, almost like dipping your toe before transitioning into the relationship. It’s that period where you take yourself off the market and give your time to know the person in front of you, ideally with the intention of seeing where it will go.

Chris and Marni point out that on the series, the contestants tend to say how they feel before ever committing or progressing to labels. Whereas in the real world, both happen, depending on the generation you’re from. But either way falling in love takes a while.

And it’s complicated. We’ve all been in that phase where we maybe like a person but we’re not sure what’s going on, on their end. However, it’s important to note that sometimes it’s because we haven’t shown our vulnerability because we’re waiting on that assurance.

The thing is the way we want it to be before we open up, or before we let you see who we are, or before we start to trust you, is that we want the guy to basically assure us that it’s safe.

A lot of us walk around with our guards up and expect the person in front of us to see through that and understand that we’re waiting for that safe space to let go. But reality is that unless you show the person in front of you some kind of vulnerability or you let your guard down a little bit, you’re not actually getting to know each other.

It’s scary to go there.

Words are scary, being vulnerable is scary. But that’s how you fall in love.

Testing The Waters [14:06]

Marni talks about the baby episode where contestants are put in a sort of semi-real scenario. And it begs the question, how important is it to see someone in a certain environment? And if they fail at the family dinner, or the social picnic, should you give them another chance?

On the show, the episode was more of a test drive to see how the contestants would fare. However, it is important to see how the person you’re potentially going to end up with, reacts in certain situations. Their actions are a reflection of their values and who they are. That doesn’t mean you need to let them go if they flop at one thing, but it is important to ask questions and take note of how they are in certain situations.

These guys talk such a big game but when the rubber hits the road, what’s really going to happen?

Talk about your dreams; be upfront about your aspirations, share with them and see how they react. Do the test run dates or weekends, and ask the follow-up questions. Because ultimately, that’s the only way you'll find out.

How to Forgive [16:45]

Everyone messes up but it’s not always about the mistake as much as it is about how you handle the aftermath of that mistake. It’s about apologizing sincerely instead of being evasive.

When mentioning the couples on the show, where a partner messed up, Chris talks about the two couples who had similar incidents, where one couple actually managed to pull through and the other one didn’t really. And it was the way with which they reconciled these missteps that made all the difference.

What’s more is, there’s a difference between letting someone know that they’ve hurt you and being able to move on from it, and letting someone know that they’ve hurt you and consistently bringing it up, over and over again. It’s almost like you’re self-sabotaging. If they’ve apologized sincerely, and you’re willing to move on then do that. If not, then…

What we need to learn how to do is apologize by taking responsibility even if you believe what you did was right or an honest mistake.

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Marni welcomes Jay Fields, who is an educator, a coach and an author, in the Life Check Yourself studio, to talk about how you can have your own back and learn to process your feelings instead of taking unhealthy coping mechanisms from childhood into your adulthood. Jay also gives Linked learning courses on managing your emotions at work and practices for regulating your nervous system and reducing stress. In this episode, the duo discuss how it is we can regulate ourselves and hold our feelings in a healthy way that we can then communicate to those around us. And it starts from an internal standpoint.

Takeaways from this episode:

Give people the right read
How to train your body to have a different reaction
Don’t pretzel yourself
How to differentiate between awareness and transformation
What are the practices that help you regulate?
Take responsibility

Do You Have Your Own Back? [01:53]

Having your own back is essential, especially in a society that rather teaches us to be smart, and to do what needs to be done without confronting our own experiences.

When you don’t have your own back, the experience is more external, almost like you’re looking to someone else to tell you how you should act or react. It’s when you experience situations in terms of what you think people expect of you, and adapt to that expectation. Rather than setting boundaries, you turn into a chameleon to please those around you, be it socially or at work.

Having your own back is first knowing that you have an experience that you can track, and then knowing how to be an advocate for that; and soothe yourself in that, whatever it is you need in that moment.

The embodiment of not having your own back looks like you’re leaning outside of yourself; you’re not holding your own energy but rather you’re more concerned with what’s going on externally. And what happens is that you’re not quite there. And people, whether or not they’re aware of it, can feel it. It’s about how we hold ourselves from an energy standpoint.

A person that doesn’t have their own back tends to have a dysregulated nervous system, and that can manifest in several ways. For an immobilized or a down regulated system, the person is like a turtle in a shell, they’re withdrawing.

Be Soft [ 11:05]

When you’re dysregulated, one of the things to look at is what are the practices that help you regulate? And this differs from one person to the other. But a step towards regulating is bringing yourself back down enough, so that you have access to your thinking brain.

When a person is dysregulated, they’re in survival mode. And the key to fixing it is tracking what’s happening within your own body. Once you’ve managed to do that and be aware of it, then you can use that knowledge to craft what you might want to say in the way that you want to say it.

It’s about understanding what you felt at any given moment, and acknowledging that feeling. It’s about how you can soothe it, which is different than actually regulating. Soothing is speaking truth to power.

A lot of women tend to skip the soothing step and either try to get it from someone else, or decide to become super self-sufficient with an’I don’t need anyone, I can take care of myself’ attitude.

You’ve regulated, you’ve soothed then it’s the do I need to advocate in some way?

When it comes to advocating for it, being mindful of exactly what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it will go a long way in helping you communicate it to the person in front of you.

We want some softness in this. And the softness is, I can be there for myself and I know how to then speak from that to the person.

Acknowledge Those Big Feelings [18:10]

A lot of us when faced with an uncomfortable or a difficult feeling tend to go down two routes; either how can I fix this? Or what can I do to distract myself from this?

These are templates that were ingrained in us from childhood through one of our caregivers. And it wasn’t done with ill-intent. It’s the scenario when a child goes to their caregiver with a problem, and the immediate reaction is how can they fix this for them? Or what can they do to make them feel better?

Whereas when the first response to your feelings is acknowledgment, and the space to talk about how a particular situation made you feel, you learn to be able to understand that feeling and take a different approach with you into adulthood, rather than jumping into action.

You get met in the feeling first, you take a bit and then you realize you’re not weird for having this feeling, and it’s not uncommon.

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Marni welcomes Sherianna Boyle, best-selling author of Emotional Detox and founder of Emotional Detox Cleansing, to Life Check Yourself to delve into the process of manifestation and what it actually means. Sherianna’s book the Four Gifts of Anxiety was also endorsed by the National Association of Mental Health, and she’s helped thousands of people on their journey to process and detox their emotions. In this episode, the pair look at what it actually means to manifest, and how our energies work in synergy towards that. Human beings are actually in a state of manifestation 24/7, and when it comes to the process, two things are required: energy and action. But what does action in that framework mean? And how do we define it?

Takeaways from this episode:

Your emotions are important
Manifesting as energy and action
How to hold your emotions
We’re always manifesting
Don’t attach yourself to outcome
We’re conditioned to action

We’re in Constant State of Change [04:18]

Energy is consciousness; it’s inner movement. When your energy is in motion, you feel more relaxed. And when your energy is in action, things are moving internally, from a vibrational standpoint.

Growing up, society teaches us that we need to control our emotions. Whether it’s at work, at home, or within the context of social interaction, we’re taught that we almost need to suppress our emotions and get on with the day. If you’re having a bad day, it doesn’t matter; there’s no time to process because you need to pick up the kids from school or you have a deadline at work, and so on and so forth.

What happens then is that you don’t allow your emotions to go into the processing stage, and you end up suppressing whatever you’re feeling and sweeping it under the rug. However, when you allow your emotions to be in flow, you’re giving them permission to exist. These emotions then give you information about your life, because that’s when naturally, your intuition quicks in and acts as a guide. When both your energy is in flow and your intuition is in flow, that’s your energy in action.

There is no such thing as being stuck; energy is always in motion; it’s always reshaping and reforming itself.

Human beings are always in a state of change. As human beings, when we don’t see things moving on the outside, in terms of action, we assume nothing is happening. But that’s not true. There is constantly something happening beneath the surface. It's just that it hasn’t made its way to the physical plane yet.

A lot happens when we allow our energy to move; when we allow our emotions to be processed. Intuition starts kicking in. A lot is at work underneath the scene because manifesting takes place on another plane, so we’re on another level of consciousness, it just hasn’t trickled down to the physical yet.

Let’s Manifest [ 14:08]

Everything that’s happening outside of you is actually happening inside of you. It’s like a mirror. One of the laws Sherianna discusses is the law of correspondence which is that the external is mimicked within the internal.

If you’re going through a busy period in your life, internally you might feel less settled, you might have some chaotic energy. The author goes on to explain that energy is in action when we begin to work on the inside. And the laws that she delves into in her books cover how you can learn to understand these energies and process those emotions.

The thing about manifesting is that these laws all work together.

You can transform any emotion, whether its frustration or anger, into a sense of calm, peace, and grounded-ness. It’s the law of transmutation. It’s in understanding the role of energy and learning through certain practices how to process these emotions that you reach that space. And part of the journey is understanding the energy of faith, which is having faith and trusting the process.

Now we’re talking frequency and vibration, so what I’m feeling around this whole thing is that as you download trust, have faith. You have to trust your intuition, you follow it. And it’s not always comfortable to follow your intuition.

Reconnecting with the Source Energy [21:30]

A big part of manifesting requires faith. It also requires, as per the law of detachment, to not attach ourselves to outcomes – a mistake a lot of us make.

A lot of times, we put ourselves on a timeline with a deadline for our healing, or our growth. But there is no timeline, healing and growth looks different for different people. The law of polarity teaches that we can experience the opposite of something else. So, the opposite of having a timeline is space, it’s having freedom. And when you’re in alignment with the spiritual law of polarity, you’re going to find that you’ve loosened your grip a bit on those timelines.

It’s important to acknowledge and remind ourselves that it’s all based on source energy. It’s about going back to that source energy which some people call God, others call the creator or the universe. When we’re feeling like something’s not working or like we keep checking to see when it’ll happen, it’s because we’re separated from the source energy.

Because when we’re with the source, we’re in oneness and it just is. There is no this or that, no us or them. It’s just we’re all one.

Make a Connection:

Sherianna Boyle's Good Enough Program
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Marni and Chris look at the relationships, from beginning to end, that define reality series, Love is Blind, in an effort to glean the take-aways that can be applied within our own dating lives. As the series comes close to its end, the duo discusses episodes 43 to 50 where we see more drama unraveling with relationships coming to an end, and new ones blossoming, while others persist still. Navigating through the early stages of a relationship isn’t easy. What should you do when he all of a sudden loses interest? Do you confront him? Do you speak to your friends when you’ve already gotten the answer you need? A big part of dating is taking cues and being able to pick up on the actions of your partner, and what they mean for you. Understanding how to react to this person, your own insecurities, and theirs is part and parcel of the dating world.

Takeaways from this episode:

Don’t wait around for him to decide
How to be rejection-proof?
Don’t Give Him All the Power
The roots create the fruit
Relationships are season
Don’t overcompensate

Act Like it, Don’t Say it [01:35]

Using the example of Cassie and Claudia, Marni explains that telling a man you’re not an option is different than acting it. Claudia waited around for Cassie to make his decision then confronted him, which pushed him even further away and right into Rosie’s arms. She made the decision easy for him. Now, that’s not to say that we shouldn’t confront someone who's hurt us but there’s a way to do it. And that’s not to say that the outcome would’ve been different for Cassie and Claudia, but she would’ve saved herself a lot of pain had she done it differently.

If someone has shown you, through their actions, that they’re not interested or they’re interested in someone else, don’t wait around for them to make it clearer. What happened with Claudia is that she started to overcompensate and lean in too much.

If you’re going to get the same result anyway, hold your head up high, and actually act like you’re not a second option. Don’t just say it, act it.

We’ve all been in similar situations where we’ve dated or been with someone who can’t make up their mind. And the way forward isn’t necessarily to avoid talking to them about it, but it’s about confronting them with the notion that you’re not going to stick around, and that you don’t need them.

What we mean by leaning in is that you’re able to be vulnerable but like a red wood tree where you’re grounded, confident, and your worthiness isn’t based on anyone else’s behavior or judgment. So, you have this resilience.

Trees can lean; they can sway but they never topple over. Regardless of the outcome, Claudia could have saved herself the extra heartache and the time had she removed herself from the situation earlier. And that’s a trap a lot of women fall into, where they don’t always know when it’s time to leave. And even when they do, they stay a little longer out of hope or the idea they’ve built of that person.

Consensus Building; Just Don’t [10:53]

It’s something we’re all guilty of, where we’ll speak to our partner then go speak to all of our friends, our social circles, our friend’s boyfriends and so on. We turn to so many people for advice, and end up confused by all the different answers. It becomes a medley of what we want to do; what we know what we should do; and what so and so thinks we should do.

An example of this is when Rosie speaks to Cassie about how he’s being with her, to which he gives an answer that seems to appease her. She then goes on to talk to her social circle and is given an opinion that may or may not work for her.

When you’re consensus building, take stalk of who you’re asking.

Different people have different opinions, it’s normal. Rosie got her opinion from Ron, who’s M.O in the beginning was to not communicate, whereas she seems like someone who’s communicative. With that being said, if you’re someone who has the courage to be direct and have the conversation then do it, and see what your partner says. And then from that, see how he behaves as things progress. Rather than going to so many different people to ask their opinion.

Consensus building is probably one of the biggest mistakes you could ever make. If you see yourself doing it, just notice that you’re doing it to soothe your hypervigilant amygdala that is scared and triggered.

Does Your PDA Style Say Something? [22:05]

Everyone has a different way of showing affection. For some, a kiss in public is great; for others it’s uncomfortable. It’s important to get these questions out of the way early on in the relationship so that you know your partner’s style.

When discussing Ron and Lana, Marni points out that they don’t partake in a lot of PDA. But does your partner not being into public displays of affection actually mean something about the relationship? Christ points out that women are usually the ones who define the relationship vibe. When it comes to Ron and Lana, that’s just the pace they’re going at and who they are. But they might actually be the ones to make it do the end even if they kiss like pensioners.

Either way, know what your partner’s PDA style is and that it doesn’t necessarily speak to how much they care about you on a deeper level. Some people are comfortable with PDA and others aren’t! That’s just how it is.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes Crystal Ware, podcast host and former fortune 500 corporate leader who left it all behind to pursue her dreams, at the Life Check Yourself studio. The pair looks at what it means to actually pursue your goals, and the barriers that stop us from being that version of ourselves. Crystal delves into the process that puts us on the path of achieving our vision, whatever it may be. A step towards getting there is asking the hard questions, learning to let go of that fear, and getting clear on where it is that we want to be. They discuss the journey with its ups and downs, and how the failures and rejections actually shape the destination. It’s not about having that golden streak, or getting it right from the first go, but rather about shifting our self-belief and putting in the work.

Takeaways from this episode:

Courage comes before commitment
Keep showing up
It starts with one decision
How to deal with the illusion of time
Work on your self-belief
How to recognize your value

Ask The Big Questions [01:45]

Crystal, who had a shining career in corporate, speaks from experience when she narrates her journey towards pursuing her dream. In today’s world, we’re distracted by everything that sparkles and shines; we’ve all ended up chasing the comfortable set-up thinking that’s what we’re meant to be doing. And it works for some but not everyone. When you feel stunted, stuck, and it almost feels like you were meant for more, or for something else; it’s time to ask the hard questions.

For Crystal, the seed was born during the pandemic. While she was happy with her life in general, there were aspects of her professional life that stopped being fulfilling – a situation that a lot of us can relate to where confinement forced us inwards, and pushed us to introspect on our lives.

And that’s what it was, a chance to look inwards. But where and how do you start? It’s by taking the time to ask the big questions, looking into what you actually want and what you want your life to look like. What are the things you need to be investing in more, be it in terms of energy or time, to get to that dream?

It’s easy to forget how profoundly that time [the pandemic] impacted all of us.

Sit and reflect on what you want out of life; figure out what is the legacy you want to leave behind. It’s not necessarily going to be an easy shift but it is worth it. It requires work. And once you’ve taken a step back and looked at how you can progress towards that goal you eventually want to reach, then you can take actionable steps. It’s not about right now, it’s not even about tomorrow, it’s about where you want to be in 10 years.

So, break away from the stereotypes that you’ve had of yourself in order to become the person you want to be and are destined to be.

It wasn’t just about saying, ‘okay I know I want to go somewhere different but [looking at] where that was headed. And that helped a lot in defining my vision for my life, my goals and how I was actually going to go about achieving them.

The Three C’s [ 11:15]

Get clarity, get confident and find the courage. You get clarity by being clear on what it actually is that you want to do. You build the confidence to take action. And then you find the courage to do it. It’s a process; it’s not magic.

Where is the internal shift to say that I don’t need to keep recreating from the patterns of that lack of belief in myself? That is the thing to say, that’s the defining moment.

What stands in the way of clarity is fear. It’s a fear we’ve either had built in from our childhood, our past experience or our view of ourselves. It’s being able to break free from the shackles of our past patterns that’ll eventually lead us to take the first step towards that goal. Being unable to vocalize or envision that dream sometimes stems from a fear of saying out loud.

Crystal talks about the iceberg impact, and she uses the example of social media where we only see the surface of what’s going on, not what went into getting to that stage. There’s hard work behind success, there’s belief in one’s self, there’s also sleepless nights figuring out what you want, moments of doubts where you’re not sure you’ve made the right decision. But all these moments, good and bad, are part of the journey.

The journey is as important, if not more, than the actual getting there.

90% of people make it look easy because they’ve worked hard at it, but it’s a process. At the end of the day, letting go of that fear, getting clear on what you want, and vocalizing is part of the journey. Whether or not it sounds possible to someone else doesn’t matter. If that’s what you want, then own it, put in the work and go for it. And say it out loud.

Find Your Cheerleader [18:21]

A support system is important regardless of who it is. Sometimes, you’ll find it within your inner circle, and sometimes you won’t. But that being said, even those closest to you, be it your partner, your sibling, or your family, are not setting out to hold you back. They care for you, and perhaps don’t understand what you’re doing, and what may be perceived as negativity on their part is more about looking out for you. It’s about having a fear of getting your feelings hurt; or being devastated by rejection or failure. But failure and rejection are part of the process. It doesn’t mean everyone is going to understand that. So, find the person who does, and keep them close. It matters.

Understand that growth is coming from the things that don’t work, and having to confront that.

You are able to achieve what you want, but it’s a question of having someone to remind you in the moments where you forget. It could be a friend or a coach, but that support system is one of the things that’ll help you get to where you need to be.

It’s grounding for me to know that I can truly be who I am, in all forms and shapes, and there’s not going to be judgment there.

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Marni and Chris take a deep dive into the interpersonal relationships that define the reality series, Love is Blind, to unveil what is sometimes said (or unsaid) through your partner’s actions. A person will tell you exactly who they are or what they want by how they behave with you. As the series nears its end, and the couples are the pivotal point of whether they’ll make it or break it, the duo ponder what we can learn from our reality series’ cohorts. They look at the nifty tips that we can take into our own dating lives by studying the lows and the highs, the ups and downs, and all the drama that unfolds between the couples. Part of navigating the dating world is being able to read the person in front of you and to pick up on what they’re telling you either through their actions (or lack thereof).

Takeaways from this episode:

He’s a good communicator
Don’t dive in head first
The first cut is the deepest
How to be secure in your attachment style
Is he consistent in how he shows up?
Don’t be an option

I Met The Most Amazing Guy Syndrome [05:15]

We’ve all fallen into this trap at some point or other. We meet a guy; we’re taken with him; he seems to be everything we’d ever dreamed of; we’re all in emotionally before ever being all in, in reality. We’ve decided this person is our knight in shining armor, our prince charming. And that’s when we begin to write off everyone else, and miss out on opportunities in exchange for the idea of the person that we’ve built in our heads. We envision our whole future with them, and as a result, we end up closing ourselves to other potentially better-suited partners.

There’s only one way you can fall when you push a guy up to this magical, mythical prince charming [pedestal]. No way is he living up to that fairytale.

Putting someone on a pedestal and expecting them to live up to it is unfair for both you and the person. It ends with disappointment, because it’s an ideal and not the reality of the situation. It’s these unrealistic expectations of who this person could be rather than who they are.

When comparing the couples on Love Island, Marni points out that Shaq and Tanya get together from the get-go, and a whole lot of drama ensues. Whereas Ron and Lana take their time to actually get to know each other. Granted, Ron was more vocal about still wanting to date other people while Lana wasn’t too thrilled about it. Ultimately though, they chose each other, not by looking through that rose-tinted lens of who a person could be but rather the knowledge of who the person actually is.

Know When to Leave [08:20]

Cassie and Claudia are an example of not knowing when to leave. Claudia keeps getting her feelings hurt by Cassie in that he’s wishy-washy when it comes to choosing her. And she still ends up taking him back.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that Cassie is the bad guy; it just means that he’s shown her who he is, what he wants, and how he operates. Chris points out that Claudia lacks confidence and that it’s in these particular situations that her insecurities seem to surface, which is understandable. It’s a situation we’re all prone to be in.

When a partner isn’t giving you what you want, leave. If he’s treating you like an option, rather than telling him you won’t be treated as such, show him that you won’t.

At the end of the day, no one should be a second option.

Don’t Get Involved in the Drama, Period [17:29]

It’s tempting to want to come to your partner’s rescue, especially when it’s a friend that’s hurt them. But should you actually get involved when it’s something that’s been told to you in confidence?

When you’re dating someone, you want to see how they show up consistently over time, and when you start to introduce someone you’re dating to your friends, then you can start to see how they interact with your friends, and your family.

Marni and Chris discuss the example of Will and his partner, Jessie. Will tells her in confidence that one of his friends has hurt him. What she then does is confront the friend. That tactic backfires when Will calls her out for not keeping what he told her between them.

Sometimes, the person you’re with just wants to vent; they just need a shoulder to cry on; or someone to listen to them. Your partner confiding in you about drama between his friends or family isn’t necessarily an opening for you to take action and come to their defense. Because sometimes it ends up doing more damage than good. Case in point: Will and Jessie.

Chris clarifies that perhaps there are certain things that should remain unsaid especially considering the context where everyone is in a close space, and maybe a few drinks are involved. What ends up happening is that in the heat of the moment, your partner may react in a certain way that aggravates the situation.

At the end of the day, Jessie had a natural reaction but she probably shouldn’t have acted on it. Just stay out of your man’s drama.

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Marni and Chris put the relationships of the contestants on reality series, Love Island, under the microscope to see how their interpersonal dynamics mimic dating IRL. Diving into questions like how to recognize a real connection, and what dating etiquette dictates, the duo ponders the meaning of love in the 21st century. Much of the way in which the contestants behave towards each other on the series is an imitation of our own actions when we’re falling for someone, or trying to suss them out. It’s about knowing when and how to let go; and whether or not the person in front of you is actually interested. Defining the context of your relationship seems relatively easy in theory, but when feelings are involved, things inevitably get a little messy. And nowhere is that more apparent than on Love Island.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to earn back trust
Have appropriate expectations
Beware of the self-fulling prophecy
Should you forgive him?
Don’t shut down
Have the exclusivity conversation

But I Thought We Had a Connection… [02:56]

Dating is, for the most part, all about figuring out what you want and how the person in front of you is responding to those wants. Is it reciprocated? And if it is, what actually is it? A lot of us fall into the trap where we feel a connection with someone, and then realize the other person is out there dating while we’ve decided to give them all of our attention. At that point, we start second-guessing whether the connection was real.

But at the end of the day, having the conversations that matter are what will guide you in the right direction. When you’ve not discussed being exclusive, or if it’s early on in the relationship, that’s when the lines sometimes get blurry. That’s not to say that the person in front of you is a bad person or doesn’t care. And that’s also not to say that you should invalidate your own feelings. What’s important is looking at the intention behind that person’s action; it’s figuring out why you felt hurt by a particular behavior, and get clear on what that means for you. Because it’s then that you’re able to understand the context and the nature of that relationship, and what boundaries should or shouldn’t be set.

Instead of the rules of the game, I like to say the context of the world that dating is. It’s a culture in and of itself.

Dating can be messy, and it has its own set of etiquette that’s different from relationship etiquette. While Cassie and Claudia had a connection on the series, they went into Casa Amor with the understanding that they would see what happens. Meanwhile Cassie flirted and kissed someone else. But does that mean their connection wasn’t real?

While some women might feel uncomfortable going on different dates with other people when they’ve felt a connection with a person; it doesn’t necessarily mean that if the person doesn’t follow suit, that they don’t care. What’s more is that it’s important to go on dates with different people, because it’s a learning curve. It’s a chance for you to find out what it is you want (or don’t want) in your own relationship. And it is possible to have several connections with several people. But the goal is that you’re searching for the best kind. And when you limit yourself, you end up missing out on understanding what you actually need and what works best for you.

It’s about taking the time to see those through, and figuring out which is the best connection for your actual relational needs: your intimacy, your emotions, your mind. Because not all men are going to meet all those requirements. And that’s why we have non-negotiables.

Every Little Thing That We Do, Should be Between Me and You [12:40]

Dating according to what other people expect from you is not only exhausting for you but for your partner as well. A lot of the time, we somehow become more concerned with what the people around us think of our relationship, and how being with that certain person will reflect on us, rather than how we feel about the relationship itself. It’s that energy where you’re more interested in what your parents, your friends and your general environment think of your relationship.

Chris emphasizes that men, for the most part, already find dating confusing, without having to bring outsiders into the mix as well. It inevitably complicates things.

We can’t solve one side of the rubik’s cube, don’t be a million-sided rubik’s cube.

And this happens in the dating world, where you’re not just dating your partner but a whole other set of people who indirectly dictate how you’ll act and react within the confines of the relationship. You could end up missing out on something potentially great if you don’t learn to tune out all the white noise.

In The Doghouse [20:46]

A lot of people are guilty of this behavior where they’ll get hurt and just shut down. And rather than talking to their partner, they’ll end up withholding and stone-walling the person in front of them

It’s an easy pattern to fall into. It’s almost like they’re punishing the person for their behavior, and then waiting for them to come back with a grand gesture that proves how much they actually want them. Rather than just confronting the person.

It’s so easy. It’s important to acknowledge that’s the safe place, we go down-under, we dive out so that we’re protected, and it’s silent, it kind of clears out the noise, and it’s a temporary respite from that scariness.

Most of the time it’s because you need clarity on the relationship. It’s more important though to be honest with yourself, and dissect what you felt when XYZ happened and why you felt it. And communicate it to the person involved.

Will was a great example of the knight in shining armor who realized he’d hurt his partner, and wanted to make it right. On the other hand, his partner did verbalize her feelings without necessarily adding blame. However, you choose to communicate your feelings in that situation though, it’s important to resolve the issue before diving back in.

To just feel the chemistry or that pull with someone without dealing with the core issue is why we end up getting in these ruts over and over again.

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Marni welcomes Whitney Goodman, the psychotherapist behind the widely popular Instagram account Sit With Whit, to look into why toxic positivity should be dismantled and what methods should be put into place instead. Having just released her debut book, Toxic Positivity: Keeping it Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy, Whitney breaks down the psychology behind toxic positivity and society’s need to constantly be happy. The duo discusses how learning to speak to yourself or someone going through a challenging situation is one of the first steps to pulling apart this constant need to be in a good place. In allowing ourselves to feel what we feel, even when it’s negative, we begin to live authentically. A life well-lived is not one without suffering or pain, contrary to popular belief.

Takeaways from this episode:

What are empathy blockers?
Validation is key
Why do we always feel the need to look on the bright side?
Happiness isn’t a destination
How to eliminate toxic positivity
Throw out the positive platitudes

Learn to Sit With the Discomfort [02:26]

Our go-to when we’re feeling down or when someone we love is hurting is to immediately try and fix the situation by convincing ourselves or them to look on the bright side. It’s something that’s done, almost as a reflex both internally and within our relationships. And it can be toxic.

It’s this notion of wanting to get back to that happy place, rather than actually feel what we’re feeling. And it’s that foundational belief that drives us to immediately force ourselves to look at the positives or minimize whatever it is that’s bothering us. Enter toxic positivity.

I think that’s what drives most of the toxic positivity. It’s that ‘I want to be helpful; I want to help the other person feel better, and I want to get out of this uncomfortable space.’ We have to learn to sit with discomfort.

Whitney iterates that for the most part, a person going through something just wants their partner, or their friend to be with them in their experience, and let them know that they’re not going anywhere. Letting the person in front of you know that you’ve got their back, and that they don’t have to go through it alone is ultimately what matters. But as a society, we need to learn to be okay with not being okay sometimes. It’s understanding that life is about living meaningfully, which comes with feelings of sadness or angst at certain points. It’s not about being happy 24/7.

The Road to Toxic Positivity is Paved With Good Intentions [ 09:49]

While most of us revert to (toxic) positivity with good intentions, the damages are palpable. Repeating these positive platitudes that we’ve all grown accustomed to hearing and giving is not necessarily what a person going through a rough time is looking for. It’s important rather to validate the difficulty of the situation, and try to understand how that person feels. Asking how they want you to show up for them goes a long way, and that’s bearing in mind that sometimes they won’t necessarily have the answer themselves. And that’s okay, too.

These positive statements that we’re constantly saying on loop, are not necessarily negative in and of themselves, but it’s in relation to the context and the timing in which they’re being said. Because hearing “it’ll turn out okay”, or “everything happens for a reason” when you’re going through a bout of depression, or struggling with feelings of grief, won’t make a difference when it comes to the weight you currently feel like you’re carrying on your shoulders.

How to Show up [18:50]

When your partner or someone you love is going through a challenge, they sometimes can’t verbalize their needs at that particular moment, simply because they don’t know what they want or what would alleviate the situation. It’s something we’ve all felt at one point or another. Asking too many questions can be aggravating when you don’t even have the answer to one. So, how do you show up for them in the way you’re supposed to?

In these instances, Whitney explains that it’s important to regulate yourself and your reaction. Rather than think, ‘I’ve done this exactly the way I’m supposed to, why isn’t it working?”, remind yourself that it isn’t about you. The person in front of you is the one feeling dysregulated.

Take a step back and understand that people are allowed to feel their feelings, and in whichever way suits them. And that applies to you, too. It’s this concept of allowing the person to be where they are in that moment. And reminding yourself that it’s got nothing to do with you.

You taking care of you when someone is not feeling great is just as important as you not trying to silver-line it or make them feel better. Control the things you can control.

This is especially the case in relationships, when one partner comes home and has just had a bad day, and their spouse immediately goes into “fix it” mode, then gets upset when they don’t manage to actually fix it. Sometimes, your partner is just having a bad day because they are. And we’re all allowed to have moments when we’re in a bad mood, or just not feeling the day. That’s life.

Make a Connection:

Whitney’s Good Enough Program: https://sitwithwhit.substack.com/
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Marni and Chris examine the dynamics in the relationships that make up the reality series, Love Island, to get a grasp on the faux-pas when it comes to dating. Dissecting the little tricks that we all do when out in the dating world, the duo ponders questions of love, betrayal, conflict and loyalty. Much of the way in which the contestants behave on the series is mimicked in our own behavior IRL. The insecurities that rear their heads just as soon as we’ve started to get comfortable with someone or the constant worry of whether or not we should trust him, are some of the questions that keep us all up at night when falling in love. How the contestants on Love Island interact with each other is a treasure trove of lessons as to the dos and don’ts in our own dating lives.

Takeaways from this episode:

Be aloof, but not too aloof
How to hit that spot between sexy and sweet
Don’t compare him to your ex
How does he handle an issue?
How to deal with conflict
Vulnerability is never easy

Does Making Him Jealous Actually Work? [01:50]

We’ve all been there at one point or other; hurt and ready for retaliation. The go-to move for a lot of women is to make him jealous. But does that tactic actually work? Perhaps sometimes but for all the wrong reasons. It is a strategy of manipulation, jealousy and insecurity.

When discussing the jealousy tactic, Marni brings up Cassie, whom Lana uses to make Ron jealous. But to what end? The thing is with that particular tactic, other than the obvious unethicality of using someone else as a means to an end, is that the issues that made you break-up in the first place aren’t resolved. Making him jealous won’t make him treat you better the second time around.

However, answering the questions that made you resort to that strategy in the first place might: Why aren’t you together? Why didn’t he treat you right from the beginning? Do you really want to be with someone who only appreciates you when you’re with someone else?

Don’t Bring Your Girls Into It [11:00]

Dragging your girlfriends or a friend into a conflict that you have with your partner is never a good idea. Not only will it seem like you’re ganging up on him but it’s also quite hurtful.

Referring to the example of Tanya and Shaq, where Tanya calls in her friend as she confronts him, Chris clarifies that that type of behavior, albeit prone to happen, is not acceptable. What happens in this scenario is that Shaq then goes on to tell Tanya never to put him in this type of situation again. Tanya in turn takes this as a sign of Shaq restricting the way she chooses to communicate. But was Shaq actually in the wrong?

There really is never a reason to criticize or correct your mate in front of a third party. It’s more effective to pull him aside.

Rather than put him on blast, it makes more sense to confront him privately and not corner him. It’s just in bad taste and won’t resolve the issue. While Shaq in this situation did a good job of setting the tone, it could’ve been articulated better. He wasn’t precise about the part that actually hurt him, which was Tanya calling him out in front of other people. And it’s a common mistake, we all get into situations where we’re unable to express ourselves in the exact manner we’d like to.

Russian Roulette But Make it Vulnerability [16:45]

Being vulnerable is scary; it’s hard; and it’s stressful. You’re required to put your insecurities out there and hope that the person in front of you is able to hold them, or at the very least, not run for the hills. And actually, crossing that line where we end up putting ourselves out there, while liberating, can sometimes make us act out of character.

Marni mentions Will and Jessie’s relationship in that it was going smoothly, but then once they made it to Casa Amor, it seemed like Will was leaning towards exploring his options. These were two people who shared their vulnerabilities with each other. And yet…

We get into a relationship and we’re afraid of getting hurt. We’re afraid of overextending. We’re sharing our vulnerability.

We’re all imperfect human beings carrying a load of insecurities and fears. And the more we let someone in, the easier it is to panic. Questions like have they deleted their dating apps? Do I love them more than they love me? start infiltrating our psyche.

I always want people to look at the energy he’s sort of bringing and meet their energy.

Whether he’s the serious type or not, believe his actions, believe his energy. And once you’ve figured that out, check in with yourself and from there decide what you should do.

I think that if someone likes you more than you like them, you want to check in with yourself and really figure out what’s either in the way or what you need to do to get on the same page.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes Dr. Shawn Haywood, founder and owner of Reimagine Love, in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss how to reignite the spark, and adopt a conflict-free relationship. Dr. Shawn, who’s worked in the field for over 23 years, delves into the tools and tips for learning to reverse-engineer your relationship and get back to that happy place. In this episode, the duo talks about what it takes to make a relationship work and how we, sometimes, self-sabotage by constantly repeating the same patterns on an individual level. This behavior inevitably seeps into our romantic life. By setting up certain systems with your partner, to undo what years of unconscious habit-building have brought on, couples can find that fight-free space together.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to break bad habits
Create your own unique system
Start a problem list
How to reconnect when you’re disconnecting
Let go of blame
Don’t manage conflict, outgrow it

Lay Down Your Emotional Weapons [03:32]

It’s not about managing the conflict; it’s about outgrowing it both on an individual level and as a couple. Outgrowing it doesn’t mean ignoring it, or overwriting it, or even putting it in your hidden little black box. It requires you to actually identify and grow out of it. By putting your weapons, in this case emotional weapons, aside, you begin to grow within the relationship.

Dr.Shawn clarifies that 80% of the work she does with couples begins with the person themselves. Identifying your emotional weapons, and what triggers them, and then putting them down, opens up room for you to not only to communicate better, but to pick up other skills you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Sharing a personal anecdote, the doctor talks about an incident when her partner had done the dishes but hadn’t cleaned out the sink. Instead of thanking him for the dishes, she shamed him, and the fight went on to spiral into an argument about other issues. In this scenario, her emotional weapon was shame – one we’ve all been guilty of doling out at one point or another. Learning to put that down meant that she grew to become more appreciative and grateful for the things that were actually there. In outgrowing the conflict, you’re also growing on an internal level.

These things are patterns, and if we don’t repair them or revise how we hold these conflicts, we’ll just keep repeating them. And it’s repetition that causes the problems.

With relationships, it’s just as important to look inwards as it is to look outwards. Identifying and getting out of your own patterns allows you to shift your outlook. Every fight has blame, and letting go of that blame is a good starting point. Take accountability and realize it’s not about blame but rather about resolution.

Stop Trying Harder [ 11:01]

Yup, this isn’t a typo. Stop.Trying.Harder. Practice makes perfect is a sentence that has been repeated to us over and over again. We were constantly told that in order to achieve something, we need to keep trying harder, and harder, and harder.

But does that always work? And does practice actually make perfect? Or rather does it allow us to make certain traits or mistakes more permanent?

The concept of practice makes permanent, as per Dr.Shawn, stems from the belief that repeating the same thing over and over again, even when it’s a mistake, makes it stick; makes it permanent. It’s almost like we’ve mastered that mistake or that character trait. And that’s part of the reason, we find it so hard to break out of habits.

From a neurological perspective, anger elicits the release of a number of chemicals, like dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline. Our bodies then crave that release constantly. Unless we learn how to manage these chemicals and unwire them from these negative emotions or behaviors, we start forming a pattern in chase of that “feeling.”

Our brain is designed for sameness, because [staying the same] uses the least amount of energy.

Women in society, especially perfectionists and high-achieving women, have been socialized into believing that the solution is to constantly try harder at the same thing. However, that tactic is in some cases counterproductive and holds us back. Being intentional in the habits we want to keep requires intentionality and repetition; it requires setting up systems that help us achieve that goal whether that’s to add permanence to a certain trait or decrease permanence to another one.

[With a system], we have something that we can count on so that our body, mind and spirit can get out of this trap, this pattern that we stay in.

Catching More Flies With Honey, Not Vinegar [18:27]

Sometimes it’s the medium not the message. That’s to say the way with which you present an idea or concept goes a long way. When setting up systems as a couple, it’s important for both involved to be on the same wavelength in terms of the effort being put in. When one person is intentionally growing, while the other isn’t doing the work, the process starts stagnating and even veering towards a trouble zone. But who can you convince your partner?

Men respond to logic. If what’s being told to them makes sense, and is framed as more of an invitation rather than a demand, they’re more likely to be on board.

There has to be an opportunity that is more about an invitation to join the party, whatever the party is. Doing it in a way that’s inviting and loving is all about radical self-responsibility.

Radical self-responsibility is the notion of taking accountability in how you choose to experience your life, and that extends to how you choose to approach your partner as well.

Make a Connection:

Shawn’s Website
Shawn’s Living For Love book
Find Shawn on IG: @DrShawnHaywood
Join Our Ignite Your Life Event on Feb 24 - 26
Visit Our Website
Watch the Podcast on our Youtube Channel
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
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Marni and Chris look at the relationships and friendships that define the reality series, Love is Blind, to better understand our own behavior on the dating scene. The contestants on the series are archetypes of dating that we are prone to meet when out in the world on our quest to find love. What are the tell-tale signs of the man who’ll break your heart? Is the mysterious type so attractive? And how can you pick up on the warning signs before walking into yet another train wreck? The duo ponders over the do’s and don’ts of coupling up, and what the traits we should be looking out for by taking a deep-dive into the contestants most obnoxious and most loveable characteristics.

Takeaways from this episode:

He’s not straightforward
How to tell if he’s an F-boy
Does he act the same with everyone else?
Don’t dismiss the goofball
What are Boomerang boys?
How to tell if he’s actually a good listener

Are You Actually Seen or Is He Just That Good? [06:50]

We’ve all been duped by an F-boy. We know the type: when you’re with him, it almost seems like you’re the only one he has eyes for; his attention is undivided; and he knows just what to say and how to look at you. Enter Love is Blind contestant, Tom.

Tom says all the right things (on a superficial level) and looks at you in a way that makes your heart melt. He has a knack for making all the women on the series feel valued, at first glance. But is he actually giving anything of himself?

Chris argues that Tom never actually reveals anything of himself, going so far as to say that he’s actually the opposite of what the women perceive him to be. He’s the archetype of the man who knows how to make you feel seen and heard, without ever actually seeing or hearing you. What he’s said to you is most likely what he’s saying to other women in his life.

He says so little, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a great listener. And, if he talks so little, it doesn’t mean that he’s the strong silent type. It could mean that he’s giving so little because he’s afraid to be seen. Because if you find out who he really is, you won’t like him.

Tom keeps reeling you in without ever really giving you anything of substance. Sound familiar? Then you’ve probably been with a Tom. When he makes you feel like you’re his favorite and yet it seems like everyone else around is his favorite, too, it’s time to cut him loose. Or don’t, that’s up to you. The point is, it’s an archetype we’ve run into over and over again on our dating adventures, and maybe it’s time to switch it up, and go for the nice guy.

He wants to be the most popular boy in the room.

What Kind of A Friend Is He? [20:55]

From the get-go, Will comes off as a goofball on the series, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But at first encounter, the goofy type tends to be a turn-off, or written off. However, as the series progresses, it turns out that the goofy types are sometimes also the stand-up guys. But how can you tell?

Hint: look at how he treats his friends.

Marni points out that Will is not only a good friend to the women on the show, but to his guy friends as well. He’s not someone who plays games. He’s loyal, upfront and available. Looking at someone’s behavior with the people in their environment is a good indicator of their character. Chances are if he treats the people around him with respect and value, he’ll extend that same behavior to you.

Not only do the bros like him, but all the people do. And it’s not because he’s supplicating, but he’s there for people, and he’s genuine, and he’s honest.

The contestants on the show may not all want to date Will, but they trust him and they open up to him because he’s genuine and honest. So, keep your eyes peeled for the ones who treat people well even if they don’t have all the traits that make them the “It” boys. But traits like honesty, and loyalty are the ones that get you to the finish line when it really counts.

The One Who Keep His Options Open [26:25]

What are the boomerang boys? Well, they’re the ones who have one foot in the door and one out. They’re unclear. Instead of walking away, they come back, snog you some more, and then head back out again, as put by Marni, and coined by Chris.

When discussing the concept, Marni points out that while some women may put their foot down, a vast majority will give that type of man space in the hopes that he will make up his mind. But what makes these men so irresistible?

That archetype is best exemplified in Kai and Ron. Ron, who is blind in one eye, seems to emanate confidence and ease wherever he goes. Taking something that may seem like an imperfection, he almost turns it into a strength and he does so, charismatically. It’s something in the way that he carries himself. However, that doesn’t change that, that perceived comfortability could actually be a form of cockiness where he expects that he’ll always have options. And in turn, he’s unbothered with making up his mind over who to choose.

Marni adds that he’s someone who doesn’t divulge his feelings or open up, even though he likes Lana. He’ll tell her that he’s making her a priority or speak about the spark they have between them, but hasn’t come out and said how he actually feels about her.

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Marni welcomes Matthew Coast, author and dating expert, to ponder what makes men tick, and how you can attract the right men without compromising on your value system. Matthew has worked with both men and women to guide them on their dating journey. With a podcast that reaches millions of listeners, Mathew helps women shift their mindset to attract a high-quality man and high-value relationship. In this episode, the pair talk about what it means to know your value, and how to convey that. How your partner reacts to you is an indicator of his character, and his character is a good sign as to how this relationship will grow (or not grow). So, what is it that resonates with men? And how can you assert your value?

Takeaways from this episode:

It’s about your mindset
Be Direct
How to be valued by your partner
What drives him wild?
Don’t obsess over your checklist
His character is a good indicator

Your Clothes Don’t Need to be Gucci, as Long as Your Mindset is [02:15]

It all begins with the mindset. It’s not about what’s happening on the outside, but about what’s happening on the inside. Matthew speaks of the law of belief transference, which essentially stipulates that the person with the strongest belief will most likely transfer it to the people around them. That is, if you want to be respected and valued by a man, then you need to truly respect and value yourself.

The problem is if you don’t actually value yourself. So, what you want to think about is, ‘Do I value my own voice? Do I think what I have to say is important?

Once you shift your mindset to one that gives importance to how you value yourself, that feeling is mimicked in your external behavior. Being aware of how you value your time and your entire being, will push you to have the conversations that matter. Don’t shy away from confronting him if it’s about something that’s important to you.

Ultimately how he reacts once you voice your grievances is indicative of his character. And his character is a good sign of whether or not this will blossom into the relationship you want. If he’s someone who cares, he’ll listen and accommodate your feelings. If not, then….

Break Out From the Crowd [07:47]

Chances are if you’re in the early stages of dating, he’s been on a few other dates and had a few painful experiences. Some dates honestly feel more like interviews than what they’re actually meant to be, a fun night out where you get to connect with another human being.

Matthew explains that a lot of women come to him and they’re in a different emotional state. That is, one which is relatively extreme, where rather than go out on a date and enjoy it, they’ll interrogate their date to get an idea if this person matches their checklist. Going into something with a fun and exciting attitude with an intent to connect and see where it goes, is what will make you stand out from all his other dates. And that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be yourself but yourself is that fun, excited woman who is as happy to be on that date as he is.

Be the person you want to attract.

Voice Your Permission [11:20]

A lot of us struggle with the right way to approach a man, and whether or not we’re meant to give him straight-up permission rather than those little hints we’ve been throwing for the past month. Well, they’re as confused as we are.

Women are really good at giving hints, and guys are really bad at receiving them.

In the current climate, men aren’t always quite sure what line they’re allowed to cross and which ones they aren’t. It’s a mixture of confusion, frustration and fear in terms of what they can and can’t do. And it’s based on your permission. If you haven’t given it explicitly, sometimes things get lost in translation. That’s not to say that you need to make the first move, if you don’t want to. But extending an invitation and letting him then take the reins, clears up a lot of misconceptions and avoids time wasted. Being direct is empowering.

A lot of times, women will shut off when the person in front of them hasn’t gotten the hint. And what tends to happen as humans, according to Matthew, is that we jump to extremes because it’s easier to do so, rather than explore the middle. These extremes are where most of the problems happen, though.

The magic is almost always in the middle.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes Bobbi Palmer in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they delve into the journey (read: trek) that is relationships, and love. The duo look at the little self-sabotaging traps we all find ourselves in and what we can learn from them. Bobbi is the founder of Date Like a Grownup. She’s a mentor and dating coach, who’s been helping women understand themselves and their dating patterns for the past 15 years. She was a first-time bride at 47 who found her happy-ever-after at an unconventional age. In this episode, Marni and Bobbi discuss how women create patterns that they keep returning to over and over again. These detrimental patterns then turn into the cycles that go on to define their relationship behavior and their general outlook on love. Bobbi encourages women to look inwards even when the fear of rejection and failure stares back at you.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to break the cycle
It takes courage
Visualize what you want, it’s out there
Tip the balance
Why do you have trust issues?
Look inwards to break the patterns

It’s Not You, It’s Your Pattern [03:50]

Bobbi explains that most of us create patterns, perhaps without even realizing it. As we continuously repeat them, even though they’re yielding negative results, we end up feeling hopeless and shift the blame onto ourselves when things don’t work out the way we envisioned them. This notion of “there’s something wrong with me” is the story we’ve told ourselves because we’ve been unable to break free of our patterns. And as we get older, we get stuck in the destructive cycle. You are the one creating these patterns, and they, in turn, are creating your results.

Understanding them and looking inwards is the first step, and it takes fearlessness to be conscious of the thought process or behavior holding you back when it comes to dating. But it does start with you.

Finding your partner as you go through life becomes more about courage rather than how many men there are in your age range, or whether or not you’re still in shape or what app you use.

Are You Afraid of … (Fill in the Blank) [06:10]

A lot of the time, we prefer not even trying rather than attempting and failing. It’s a trap that many of us fall into where we hold on to the mantra of all men suck, or I want to be single. Because if it’s a choice we’re making, rather than an imposition, it somehow makes it okay.

This is a form of self-protection born of a fear of rejection, failure and perhaps repeating the same mistakes again. We’ve all been through an iteration of this. Bobbi elaborates on how we should look at it, where it’s almost like a balance between all the fear that’s holding us back set up against the vision we have of what a loving relationship looks like. And for a lot of us, we have trouble with the second part of the balance, because we’ve never been in such a relationship and envisioning it is difficult.

There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s just some things you don’t yet know.

Once the balance tips more towards the other side, the dream of what a relationship looks like for you, that’s when it’s time to take action, bearing in mind that it’s not always going to be 100% in par with your vision. And that’s okay, too.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes world renowned author and life relationship coach, Bryan Reeves, in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss the dynamics in a relationship. The author of the recently released book, Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her), Bryan delves into the semantics of how men perceive things versus how women perceive them. In this episode, the pair talk about what connection actually means, and how it is defined in relation to a person’s experiences throughout life. Men and women aren’t wired the same, but that doesn’t mean that men don’t desire intimacy just as much as women do, they just go about it differently. Marni and Bryan look into the misconceptions and stereotypes that have given men a bad rep; and how women have interacted with these preconceived notions ingrained in us by society.

Takeaways from this episode:

Is he an F-boy or actually profoundly sensitive?
Men perceive connection differently than women
How to communicate your needs
A relationship of invitation vs a relationship of obligation
How to meet in the middle
He wants intimacy too

Women Are From Venus, Men Are From… [01:37]

There’s a far-reaching misconception, when it comes to dating, that men don’t want intimacy. Society has continually fed into that narrative that men don’t care about forming a connection with their partner, and that intimacy isn’t their thing. But is that actually the case?

Men and women are wired differently. But at the end of the day, we’re all human beings, and we all crave the same basic things. We just perceive it in different forms. Bryan explains that contrary to popular belief, men are actually profoundly sensitive. But due to years of programming instilling in them the notion that insecurities or feelings are a weakness, it’s become a habit they’ve taken into adulthood.

We do come at things very differently. Men [do] want connection, too. That’s a fact.

That’s not to say that some men aren’t F-boys. But every human being has insecurities; has a need to belong; and a need to be understood. Men are not exempt from wanting connection. They just have a different picture of what that looks like.

If the house isn’t on fire, you’re doing something right [05:17]

Bryan elaborates that a majority of men view connection in a larger spectrum. If everything is running smoothly, the bills are paid, and the house isn’t on fire, then all’s good, and you’re good. Whereas for a majority of women, connection means something entirely different.

Quoting Terry Real, the successful podcast host breaks it down in laymen terms. He explains that for some, mainly men, connection is experienced shoulder to shoulder, which means that it’s you and your partner experiencing the world together side by side. Rather than, nose to nose, which is more internal. Whereas one gender views connection as doing activities together and facing the external together; the other views it as experiencing each other and connecting on a face to face, or soul to soul level. The latter being more intimate. But the way we translate intimacy is intertwined to how we’ve experienced it growing up, within our own lives.

A lot of us grew up in homes where intimacy wasn’t practiced in that way. For a lot of people, that was even unsafe to be nose to nose, or face to face, because that meant I could get crushed.

For many men, as long as everything is functional, then everything is good regardless of what’s actually going on in the relationship.

However we practice intimacy, balance is a key component. While it is pivotal for a relationship to include both types of connection, space and knowing when to give it and when to receive it is important. That’s where balance comes into play.

We get into relationships with the fantasy that ‘I’m going to get my needs met, and my desires met just as I want them to be.’ And even then, when we do get them met, there’s a part of us that has a visceral repulsion because actually that’s not balanced. It’s just me getting a fantasy of something that’s unsustainable.

How to Make Him Understand You [ 09:52]

There’s a distinction that Bryan makes which is invitation versus obligation. If you’re coming from a relationship as invitation, then that might fare better for you.

We’re adults, it’s human nature to want autonomy over our wants and our desires. No one wants to feel obligated. So, coming to your partner from a space that makes him feel obligated isn’t always the right way to take up your complaints. Whereas when it’s framed as an invitation, it’s indirectly telling your partner that this is where you’d like for them to meet you, and it’s up to them to choose. It restores their sense of freedom.

I think a relationship done well is an endless invitation; it’s an endless series of invitation.

To get to that balance and that level within a relationship takes years, and doesn’t happen overnight. But understanding the foundation of what connection means to each person is indispensable.

A Relationship done well is a paradox. It is an obligation that I am freely choosing to step into.

Make a Connection:

Bryan’s Website
Bryan’s Book
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Marni, Chris and Dr.Emily use reality tv show, Love is Blind, as a blueprint for the behaviors and habits that should have you running for the hills. The contestants’ actions and reactions echo much of the dos and don’ts that we fall into when dating IRL. The trio ponder the signs that could be used as a warning hazard when it comes to jumping into the dating pool. They take a deep dive into the interpersonal interactions that are part and parcel of the reality show and much of the time, our own lives.

Takeaways from this episode:

Collect your own data before making a snap judgment
Forgiveness is important
No one’s agreeable round the clock
His transparency is a good sign
Does he avoid conflict at all costs?
Love takes work

Should You Listen to His Friends? [12:18]

When his friends tell you he’s flaky, should you believe them? Or maybe they’ve convinced you that he’s selfish, should that be a warning sign for you to run for the hills?

It’s natural for your instinctive reaction to lean towards believing them. After all, they are his friends. And in some cases, they might be right. But context is everything. Your experience with him should count for something. Collecting data on the person from your own firsthand experience, in the grand scheme of things, should carry more weight than what someone says or doesn’t say about your partner. If what they’re saying rings true, then that to a certain extent, has been your experience with him. It also depends on what it is that’s being said.

Marni brings up Matt and Coleen as an example of this. Matt’s character is somewhat aggressive, and he projects onto the person he’s dating. And his friends seem to corroborate that by adding that he has big emotions, which is not completely inaccurate in this particular case.

Mark was also completely unforgiving towards Coleen in certain instances, in that he didn’t have the ability to hear her out before choosing to react. So, maybe his friends weren’t completely off-base. And that’s what Coleen’s experience with him brought to light.

That being said, ultimately, regardless of whether or not you choose to believe his friends, trust what he’s showing you, and do your own digging before dismissing.

Transparency is Key [20:30]

A common mistake couples make IRL is lack of transparency. A lot of times, people aren’t transparent with their emotions, or their feelings towards certain behaviors coming from their partner. With SK and Raven, he never addressed any of the issues he had within the relationship, even when some of her demands seemed outrageous. SK didn’t even make an effort to discuss them.

And that’s not dissimilar to what happens on the dating scene. Chris adds that it’s borderline selfish. Because when your partner doesn’t speak up in an effort to avoid conflict at all cost; they end up hurting you anyway in most cases. For any relationship to work, you need to be honest with each other, even when your lack of transparency is in an effort to protect your partner. Trust that they can handle the truth, and that you can sort it out together, rather than going off and making decisions on your own, on both your behalf. And not being honest about them.

You think you’re protecting somebody but you’re actually setting them up for a really devastating experience. That’s not kind; that’s not helping your partner; that’s not being supportive.

Sometimes he’s not a jerk; he’s just oblivious [25:35]

Marni points to a scene on Love is Blind that is a perfect example of taking things out of context, where Cole’s words are misconstrued by Zanab, and he’s accused of commenting negatively on her weight. The scene leaves viewers wondering if Cole was in fact body-shaming Zanab. Upon getting the full picture, it’s apparent that Zanab was projecting her own insecurities onto him. Zanab’s insecurities run so deep that she almost sees the world through that lens.

She’s filtering the entire world in such a way that she’s only hearing what is kind of resounding with her own fears.

That being said, Cole has also proven over and over again throughout the season that he's oblivious, not just in terms of Zanab’s relationship with food and her own body but in general.

In this particular situation, Dr.Emily clarifies that she feels for both of them. On the one hand, Cole is completely unaware of how deep his partner’s issues run, and on the other hand, Zanab is so completely drowned by her own insecurities that she may not even realize she’s projecting. Both these behaviors can, and do happen with all of us.

It’s important to note the difference between when we’re self-projecting and when the person has actually done something to offend us. And this confusion usually happens when we’re not self-aware.

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Marni welcomes Sarah Baldwin, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach in the Life Check Yourself studio, to inspect the system that controls all of our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Sarah was trained at the Polyvagal Institute, and has worked with different modalities including attachment and nervous system regulation. In this episode, the pair look at the driver, or rather the soldier behind our anxieties; our stress; our fear; our rage; as well as our feelings of joy, creativity, wonder, intimacy and peace. Sarah breaks down the role our nervous system plays in the wide spectrum of human emotion. It is a system that plays a pivotal role in the regulation of our sensations, our thoughts and our relationship with ourselves and the world.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to change your behavior
What’s the autonomic nervous system got to do with it?
Shutting down is your body’s way of protecting you
Where does it all begin?
Your past informs your present behavior
Why doesn’t your nervous system understand you?

It’s not You, it’s Your Autonomic Nervous System [03:00]

The foundation of everything that happens within us is a system that lives inside each one of us. It’s the autonomic nervous system. Whether we feel happy, sad, anxious, stressed or excited, it can all be traced back to the nervous system.

It’s the system that is responsible for how we feel, the sensations in our body, our behaviors, our thoughts, and the way with which we perceive ourself and the world around us. Everything is decided upon by what’s happening in that system.

But how does it work? Sarah explains that everybody has a database of information that has been acquired throughout the years. This storage unit has a collection of the good, the bad, the dangerous and the inter-generational experiences in your life. And our autonomic nervous system has a threat detector, that basically sifts through the data to analyze the level of danger in any situation unfolding in the present. It is doing this constantly and consistently. Whether you’re at the supermarket, at the beach, or at a friend’s house, your threat detector is looking at the receptacle of past information to gauge potential threat in any given situation. It’s your threat detector that decides, based on past experiences, whether you are safe, or in danger in the moment. If it decides you’re safe, then that’s what is termed as a state of regulation.

Understanding your nervous system and how it works, is the first step in your healing journey.

Your Nervous System is Stuck in the Past [ 06:22]

Where does chronic anxiety come from? Or stress? These states of panic manifest when your nervous system takes a deep dive into your past experiences to assess the current situation. When your threat detector finds the current event to be unsafe, the nervous system goes into protection mode, which results in three states. It is at that moment where we experience rage, panic, racing thoughts, anxiety and so on.

The reason we become dysregulated when we’re actually in safety is because our system doesn’t know the past is over.

From past traumas, Sarah adds, our system ends up experiencing a form of chronic anxiety even though we’re actually safe. That’s how you end up dysregulated. This extends to your relationships with the people around you, and how you attach yourself to them. Your nervous system dictates much of your interactions in a relationship. But it’s not enough to just acknowledge this information. After acknowledgment comes action.

We’ve got this vehicle inside of us, we have to learn about the vehicle, and then we need to get in the driver’s seat.

When our nervous system tells us we’re unsafe, we become dysregulated. Learning how to address our nervous system is the first step to learning how to self-regulate.

Nervous systems read each other, so a calm nervous system calms another nervous system down.

Your Nervous System is Not Out to Get you [18:27]

Our body is constantly trying to protect us. This extends to our nervous system. It’s not trying to cause us harm, it’s not dysfunctional and it’s not confused.

If you find yourself dysregulated, or if you’ve got relationship dynamics that are problematic for you – which causes you to become dysregulated – your nervous system is basically saying ‘you’re not safe right now’, based on past informational data.

Your nervous system is always working towards trying to avoid pain and suffering. When it has identified that a particular situation or trigger, as per its collection of past experiences, has caused you harm before, it signals danger. It’s constantly working towards identifying all the possibilities of how a past trauma might occur again and as such overwhelm or hurt you. That’s its job.

That does not mean that you’re broken, nor does it mean that your system isn’t working right. It actually means the opposite.

Make a Connection:

Sarah Baldwin’s Website
Sarah Baldwin’s Quiz
Sarah Baldwin’s Free Workbook
Visit Our Website
Subscribe to our Youtube Channel
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Marni welcomes mindfulness and soulfulness coach, and podcast host of On This Walk, Luke Iorio, and they delve into what it takes to lead a purposeful life. The former CEO and president of the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) shares his own personal journey with finding his way back to himself, and as a result to leading a life of inner balance and connection. Having helped thousands of clients and listeners in their quest for meaning, Luke divulges the tools to help you reconnect with your true self. It’s about awareness, rather than blame; courage rather than shame; and owning your role within your own life.

Takeaways from this episode:

What are the questions you should be asking yourself?
How you can live life on your own terms
Change is fluid
The universe is constantly conspiring to make you whole
Awareness is the first step
How to own your role in the situation

It’s Not About Making Lemonade Out of Those Lemons [08:47]

When you bear in mind that whatever rough spot you’re in, is either your transformation moment, or it’s preparing you for a transformation, your perspective starts to shift. And this isn’t about positivity for the sake of positivity. Luke shares the insights he’s gained from his own journey, and years of experience in the field by explaining that the universe is always conspiring to return you to wholeness through the experiences it hands you.

It’s through these traumas, negative experiences and losses, that we begin to understand what is within us. That’s how you begin to decipher what the universe is trying to tell you.

These are hardships are what lead us to the questions that matter: what are the parts of you that you feel like you’ve disowned? what are the corners of you that you feel have shut-down? And that’s not to shift blame, but rather to acknowledge that there is a reason, you closed off certain areas of yourself; there’s a reason for everything you’ve done. The journey begins when you start finding out why.

At any given moment, the experience I’m having is returning me to wholeness.

Life isn’t trying to beat you down; it’s trying to lead you back to yourself. All you have to do is listen. And to do that takes faith and humility.

We get fragmented through all these different little experiences, we leave little pieces of ourselves in our histories, in our traumas, in our hurts and pains. And life is always trying to return them to us.

Step Out of the Moment and Look at the Whole Picture [13:42]

You’re not broken; you’re whole. That’s something we often forget to remind ourselves of. But being aware of your role in any given situation isn’t about putting yourself down, it’s about understanding where that decision came from.

When we look at a situation unfolding before us, we assume that it’s happening in the present, explains Luke. But, that’s actually not the case, it is the culmination of all the perceptions, beliefs, attitudes, patterns and conditioning that we’ve absorbed and built over the past decade or so. Ultimately the recurring conflicts that appear consistently as we interact with the world are a result of our histories. Exploring that is what informs our decisions. That’s where awareness comes into play.

When we recognize our role in a certain situation, the whole picture begins to get a little clearer.

What you’re doing is opening that window of taking responsibility where you can start taking responsibility and begin changing the way you’re relating to your participation in whatever is going on.

Life Moves in Cycle [23:00]

It’s not news; life is in a state of perpetual change. And yet, we tend to forget the fluidity that is the very nature of life. Everything in life goes through cycles. Luke elaborates that the reason for discomfort and unhappiness is that very often we hold on to the things that are trying to be let go of.

Change doesn’t work that way, it’s meant to be more fluid. It’s not meant to be controlled.

Being aware of that means being able to ebb and flow rather than attempt to change the very nature of life. Because resisting ends up creating rigidity. Whereas leaning into it, and understanding that universal truth eventually leads to a deeper change within you.

Make a Connection:

Luke's Website
Luke's Facebook Group
Luke's Free Alignment Workbook
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Marni, Chris and Dr.Emily, get into the sticky business that is money, especially when it comes to couples. They point out the issues that surface (or don’t for some) with the couples on reality TV show, Love is Blind, and ponder what we can learn from them. The situations that arise on the show mimic much of what goes on with us in our own personal lives, and we’re forced to take a hard look at our own values surrounding money. When is it the right time to start talking about it? Is a prenup a no-no? Is there a deeper meaning to be gleaned from asking for one? We all wonder about how to broach the topic once things start taking a turn for the serious, but it remains a sensitive subject where we’re required to tread carefully.

Takeaways from this episode:

When to set a financial plan with your partner
Disagreeing isn’t the same thing as gaslighting
What’s the code of conduct when it comes to talking money?
Leave Open-casting in 2022
Instagram isn’t a good indicator of who a person is
Financial infidelity is a thing

Does a Prenup Undermine the Commitment? [08:03]

On Love is Blind, Marni draws our attention to two couples, Nancy and Bartiste, and Brenon and Alexa. Now with the first couple, Nancy is older and more well-established. When discussing money, she speaks of sharing their assets, and Bartiste’s reaction is almost like that of the cartoon character whose eyes morph in dollar signs at the mention of money. A little worrying, but okay.

With the second couple, Alexa mentions a prenup, and Brenon is open to the idea. But whether you relate more to the first couple (Bartiste’s reaction was a bit of a red flag, though) or the second couple, when it comes to relationships, a financial plan needs to be set in place. At the very least, you need to be in alignment where your values are concerned.

It’s about looking at your non-negotiables and the core values you have surrounding money, and then discussing them with your partner. When it comes to prenups, there’s no right or wrong route to take. It depends on what you feel more comfortable with. And let’s break the taboo around prenups.

Having a prenup isn’t saying that the marriage won’t work. It’s more about talking openly in terms of how you’d like the income and the assets to be split, in a way that makes everyone comfortable. Because that’s what’ll save you from arguments around finances in the future.

Is He Cheating Financially? [13:26]

Hiding your wealth, or not being transparent in terms of your assets when in a relationship is financial infidelity. It’s a form of deceit where you’ve kept a secret in the form of a hidden account, or a credit card, let’s say. If you’re going to share your life with someone; you’re going to have to have these conversations regardless of how uncomfortable they are. And be transparent about them.

You have to be courageous about it.

Let’s face it, talking about money isn’t always pleasant but if this is the person you choose for yourself, then it’s probably a good idea to get insight on their relationship with money. How did they grow up around money? What were their beliefs in relation to that? How did their parents handle the finances? Because all of this comes back as the relationship progresses.

The you that’s afraid today is going to be different than the you in 10, 20, or 30 years.

Marni shares her own personal experience with forming a financial plan with her partner. And she elaborates that while they’d already set up a plan when they’d first started out, fast-forward to 30 years later, where they’ve built a whole life together, and it’s time to revisit that plan. Your initial plan doesn’t have to be set in stone. It changes as your relationship evolves, much like everything else.

When Gender Roles Come into Play [20:35]

Gender roles are constantly morphing with women gaining more independence financially, and a prominent presence within the working force. So, inevitably that plays a role in the dynamics. How you navigate that, however, is between you and your partner. But it needs to be discussed.

Marni points to Raven who almost seems to expect SK to pay for everything. Even though she hammers on about being an independent woman, she expects SK, who’ll be doing grad school in Berkley, to pay for both her apartment in Texas and his apartment in Berkley. She doesn’t want to move in with him, but at the same time, she seems to be saying that once they’re engaged, he’ll have to pay for everything for her. The host and guests agree that her behavior is extreme. You can’t really have your cake and eat it. Well, unless you’ve discussed it with your partner and he’s okay with it but it’s still a red flag. So…maybe don’t do that.

In any case though, it is important to acknowledge that your financial plan will evolve as your relationship does. And there’s no one-size fits all because every couple, family, and relationship is different, but you get to choose what works for you, even if it means bringing in a professional to help you sort it out.

These conversations evolve as dating progresses. So, we’re talking about communication, negotiation and compromise.

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Marni and Chris take a look at the interactions between the contestants on reality show, Love is Blind, to decipher the ranking code men have for women. Should it be abolished? What even is it based on? And why do we allow men to rank us to begin with? As they navigate through the show’s hottest drama, the duo discusses whether there is such a thing as too much honesty; why men do the things they do; and how women should respond to certain behavior. They ponder whether women are indeed from Venus, and men from Mars. Spoiler alert: they are, respectively.

Takeaways from this episode:

Down with the ranking system
How much honesty is too much honesty?
How to optimize what you have
The medium is the message
Should you give stock to his intentions?
What’s the open-casting approach?

The Open-casting Approach Should be a Lifestyle, Not a Trend [01:52]

First things first. The title, open-casting should be abolished, but the approach itself stays. So, what is the open-casting approach? It’s what Life Check Yourself podcaster Marni, and her many guests, have been preaching for over a decade now. And apparently, it’s recently become a trend on the dating scene.

The approach entails dating with an open mind, rather than only dating according to your type. In keeping an open mind, and an open heart, while sticking to your core values, you cast a wider net. By doing that, you won’t miss out on meeting incredible people that might otherwise fly under your radar, if you’re too rigid with your criteria.

It shouldn’t be a trend for 2023, I think that’s how you should be living your life; to be open, curious and optimistic.

Open-casting should be a way of life when it comes to falling in love. Because when you start adding too many filters in terms of what you want in a person, inevitably your dating pool shrinks. And you could be missing out on great opportunities, regardless of their final outcome.

Is He Too Honest? [04:45]

Bartiste and Cole are two men that are super honest on the show. But sometimes too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. So, how do we know where the balance lies and where the line is?

It’s all about intention. Chris explains that a lot of the time, men don’t intend the comment to come off offensively. And that’s why it’s important to look at the intention behind the comment your partner is making. He goes on to note that a lot of men by nature are competitive, so when they’re compared to someone else, or given a certain criticism, it actually motivates them to do better. In turn, that’s the tactic they’ll use when trying to nudge their partner in the right direction. However, with women, that approach doesn’t necessarily work. So, how do we meet in the middle? It’s more about how you say something as opposed to what you’re actually saying. And of course, whether you’re saying it to put the person down, or to lift them up.

The unavoidable truth is men and women are different in a lot of ways, which is what makes our interactions together that more interesting. Even when it comes to compliments, women don’t go about it the same way men do. Women are good with the subtle things, adds Chris. Men? Not so much.

We’re so incredibly direct and blunt. And it’s just tough for us to articulate and dance that intricate beautiful dance that women just seem inherently good at.

Abolish the Ranking System; Let Them Eat Cake [14:28]

While we all rank the person in front of us to a certain extent, this specific ranking system is more detrimental than it is constructive or even accurate.

When discussing Cole and Bartiste, Marni points out that the way they offered rankings for the different women on the show was simply offensive. Because once you’ve put it out there; it becomes difficult for your partner to unsee it. Obviously, there’ll always be someone more attractive, just like there’ll be someone less attractive. But in this particular discussion, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When dating, it should be more about the person you’re with being who they are; their ranking – if we must have one – should automatically be a 10. And it’s not just because they’re physically attractive. It’s so much more than that.

Like obviously I know when a woman is drop dead gorgeous, yeah, she’s a 10. But I’m your 10.

Chris adds that men, himself included, will sometimes date a woman not necessarily because they see her as a 10, but because they know their friends will see her as such. And they’ll want to show off that they can get that 10. But regardless, the way men rank is binary and superficial. When it comes down to it, the actual ranking should come from knowing the person and should include so much more than the physical. Conclusion? Dump the ranking system – and the ones still using it while you’re at it.

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Marni welcomes Dave Neal in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss what some of us could be doing wrong when it comes to dating. Using the contestants on the Bachelor as a point of reference, they talk about the different types of men (and women), and how they come off versus who they really are. Dave is a podcaster dubbed by Marni as the “King of Bachelor Nation”, and a stand-up comedian. Marni and Dave ponder why the behavior of some of the contestants hits so close to home. Falling in love is tough business, and sometimes you need to put in the work and accept that maybe you’re letting your ego get in the way. In this episode, the duo talks about how to look past the superficial, and who to give a chance to and when. And more importantly, why no one is living up to the idea you’ve built for yourself of the right person. Because sometimes it really is you, and not him.

Even pretty people have insecurities
How to keep your ego from getting in the way
Who are the ones you should root for?
Get to know the person, not his CV
How he handles rejection is a good indicator of who he is
Intimidating and bossy isn’t a good color on you

What’s Your Security Currency [03:30]

Think of the word security. What images does it drum up? Each one of us has a specific perception of what security looks like. For some, it might be the high-paying job; for others it might be compassion. We each define security through our own unique lens, and that’s why it looks different for different people.

Dave explains that regardless of all the varying definitions of the concept of security, it all boils down to energy and power. He goes on to paint a picture of the woman with the high-paying job, who for her, finding someone more creative is what she yearns for. Dave emphasizes that while we don’t always know exactly what we can do to be more attractive to someone else; we can glean much of what we do wrong by observing the behavior of the contestants on the Bachelor. And one of them is accepting that we’re all attracted to different things. What security looks like for one person, looks completely disparate to someone else.

What’s more is that women also sometimes forget that men have the same fears, doubts, and worries that we all do.

Women are dating and they have this illusion that if the guy is out of their league or really good-looking, that he’s not going to have insecurities and be human.

This is a trap a lot of us fall into, where we need to remind ourselves that we’re all human; we’ve all got insecurities; we all second-guess ourselves; and we all fall short sometimes.

Fall in Love with Values, Not a Bank Account [10:16]

A lot of women want it all and don’t want to make a compromise. They’re hyper focused on the financials rather than the values the person in front of them holds. At the end of the day, you’re building a life with a person, not with a bank account. We’ve seen this scenario unfold over and over again, not just on the bachelor but IRL, where women won’t give the person the time of day unless they’ve made it.

Dave uses the example of Kate and Logan from the Bachelor, where she’s somewhat shallow and only looking for financial security. Logan is a filmmaker and a musician; he’s a creative. And he knows how to hold his own in a conversation. And yet Kate doesn’t find him “successful” enough. It’s not only about dating someone who’s made it, sometimes it’s about going through the journey with him, and believing in the person standing in front of you.

That’s one of the biggest mistakes that women make where the list of what they want is so high, and it’s not about values or who someone really is.

People are multifaceted, and while it’s important to fall in love with the person and not the potential, it’s equally vital to look past the superficial, and really get into what this person has to give and who they are. We can’t all be billionaire hedge-fund scions, and maybe that’s a good thing.

The Good Ones Know How to Handle Rejection [17:08]

How he handles rejection is a good indicator of who he is. Danny notes that with the women (and the men on the show), they’re all very good-looking. And for the women, IRL they probably don’t get rejected that often. Going off that, he explains that how you handle rejection, as a man or a woman, shows a different side of you.

When talking about men specifically, the podcaster emphasizes that the ones who handle rejection well are more likely than not, one of the good ones. They’ve been rejected before; it’s not the end of the world. And to a certain extent, rejection humbles them. It allows them to put their ego aside.

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Marni and Chris analyze the couples on reality TV show, Love is Blind, and dig into how and why their behaviors change once they’re out of the pods. They draw parallels between the contestants’ actions on the reality show, and our own interactions with our partners when we’re dating IRL. Marni and Chris ponder why our insecurities manifest when we’re dating, and how they, in turn, affect the person in front of us. Asking the questions that matter, and giving us the answers, of course, the duo delve into the intricacies of romancing and all that comes with.

Takeaways from this episode:

Get crystal clear on what you need
Is honesty always the best policy?
Why are second dates scarier than first dates?
His words need to match his actions
How to let him tear that wall down
When to accept his apology

He’s Projecting His Baggage Unto You [03:51]

After a certain age, we’ve all got baggage. And in a lot of scenarios, we project that baggage onto the person in front of us. That being said, sometimes what he says is not about you at all, but about his own insecurities. This was clearly the case with Shake and Deepti. Shake was consistently projecting his own baggage on Deepti. And it’s not necessarily that he was a D-bag; he just had low self-worth. Marni points out the time that Shake tried to find out Deepti’s weight by subtly asking if she’d be able to get up on his shoulders at the concert. However, it wasn’t so much that he was worried about her weight or size, but rather about his own size. It became clear that Shake felt like he was small, and projected that onto his partner on the reality show.

This is the case IRL: the people with the lowest self-esteem are, a lot of the times, the same ones who are constantly picking apart someone else. In that case, it’s not you, it really is him.

Why is Dating so Scary? [07:23]

Once out of the pods, it almost seemed like a lot of the contestants wanted to go back to how things were in their pods. And that’s not so different from real life, where we’re constantly wondering why our partner can’t be more like how they were in the beginning, when it all first started.

Chris draws a similarity between leaving the pod and going on a second date. Leaving the pod is kind of like getting past the first date and actually realizing that the person likes you. He explains that the reason second dates are scarier than first dates is because of the expectation we put on ourselves. On a first date, it doesn’t really matter what happens. But once you make it to that second one, the takeaway from the first date is that you and that person like each other; they’re going to start finding out who you really are. It’s time to get deeper; it’s time for you to show up and get to know one another. And that can be terrifying, because it’s at that point that you’re scratching the surface of who the person really is.

It’s almost like they want to climb back in that womb, and have that pod, that safety. It’s a safer place.

Let Him to Tear Down That Wall [09:10]

Most of us have a wall built up; one that we’ve carefully cemented over the years after having our hearts broken over and over. But, how do we know when it’s time to let our partner break it down?

When Alexa eventually decided to lean into Brennon, it was after she’d repeatedly put her flaws and insecurities out there. She was constantly searching for validation from him, and it almost seemed like she was pushing him away. Once she realized that Brennon was here to stay, she eventually started trusting him and opening up. It was only when Brennon proved to be patient, and showed his vulnerability, that she, in turn, did the same. He didn’t get discouraged and he didn’t run for the hills. His actions matched his words. And Alexa heard him and gave in. There is a caveat though, it’s that line that we need to carefully tread between being upfront about who we are versus constantly droning on about our insecurities and whether the person can handle us. Marni explains that pushing someone away too much, and consistently, might sometimes go too far and you end up missing out.

There comes a moment where you have to lean in and you have to trust yourself enough to know that even if it doesn’t work out, you’re going to be okay.

When dating, going in with an open heart and mind sometimes pays off. Being curious and optimistic is difficult but worth it. That doesn’t have to be the case with every single guy, but trust yourself enough to know the difference, and that you’ll get back up if it doesn’t work out. After all, isn’t part of the beauty of falling in love is the risk that comes with it?

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Marni welcomes award-winning food and health journalist Carolyn Williams in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss a topic that has long plagued women (and men): our bodies. The author, dietician and mother of two, shares her own journey with food and discusses the culprit behind many of our physical ailments. Marni and Carolyn delve into what a healthy diet actually means and how to get on the right track when it comes to eating clean. And good news is that restriction isn’t, contrary to popular belief, not the way to go. Winner of the 2017 James Beard Foundation Award, Carolyn traces much of today’s health issues back to low-grade chronic inflammation. The journalist breaks down what inflammation actually is and how it contributes to conditions like diabetes.

Takeaways from this episode:

Forget the diet mentality
How you can cure bloating
Throw out the stereotypes associated with food
Our eating habits are part of our identity
What exactly is inflammation and why should you care?
Be conscious of how food makes you feel

Carbs Aren’t The Enemy [04:31]

Carbs aren’t actually bad for you; what is bad is the way you consume them. According to Carolyn, we tend to overdo carbs and ignore a lot of the foods that have the nutrients we need. These foods include beans, fruits and vegetables. However, the dietician explains that rather than paint carbs as the villain, it’s more about changing our mindset and re-shifting the way we look at carbs. That being said, deprivation isn’t the answer to our diet.

To change our mindset, we need to take notice of what we eat and how it makes us feel. If there are certain foods that make us feel heavy or lethargic, then we take note of that. Once we’re conscious of the way in which our body interacts with certain foods, it becomes easier to leave behind the bad diet rules. And each person, each body is different.

If you’re going to be who you really are in the world, and be really present for you, then why would you not fill the container in a way that allows you to express who you are?

Chronic Inflammation is Always Running in the Background [07:18]

Carolyn’s own journey with food is what led to her discovery and subsequent deep-dive into the subject of inflammation. By exploring and asking the right questions, the journalist studied how inflammation actually affects our body (and inevitably our mind) and to what extent. While low-grade chronic inflammation might not be the cause of auto-immune diseases, diabetes and a myriad of other conditions, it is a contributor to the development of these ailments. Carolyn likens it to a silent motor constantly running in the background. And the food we eat is what contributes to inflammation.

Inflammation is Actually a Reaction of Your Immune System [13:28]

At its core, inflammation is designed to protect us; it’s not technically bad. When we run a fever (inflammation), for example, it’s our body’s way of defending itself. But inflammation is meant to be acute and short-acting – once the job is done, it bids our body farewell. However, with chronic inflammation it’s constant and subtle. And that’s where the issue is.

A little bit of low-grade chronic inflammation is a small contained fire. And maybe it looks like you haven’t been able to exercise, or you’re more sedentary, that kind of thing.

Carolyn explains that chronic inflammation is a result of our modern lifestyle, the way we ingest food and the type of food we ingest. Unlike acute inflammation, chronic inflammation won’t disappear unless you actively take the steps necessary to eliminate it. It’s constantly there wreaking havoc on our bodies, slowly, silently and stealthily. Unless you make active changes to your diet, it’ll continue on. That’s not to say that we need to cut out everything labeled “bad” or deprive ourselves. But rather, to make a conscious effort to get in the nutrients that we need.

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Marni and Chris break down the dos and don’ts of dating. The duo takes a look at the behavior of the single men and women on reality tv show, Love Is Blind, as they navigate through the messy game that is love. Much of what the contestants do on the show mimics our real-life interactions with each other in today’s dating scene. Marni and Chris consider why it is that people act the way they do in certain situations. They dissect the personas we all put on when meeting someone for the first time; and they question the little quirks we all bring to the table and how they affect the way we present ourselves.

Takeaways from this episode:

Show who you are, don’t yell it
Too much mystery isn’t a thing, find a balance
It’s not about what you do as much as it is about who you are
Meet your date’s energy
Don’t lay it all out on the first date

When He Tells You Who He is, Believe Him [13:04]

Your non-negotiables are your lifeline when it comes to dating. That being said, falling in love with potential isn’t the same as falling in love with a person. Marni draws a comparison between the couples on both the Bachelor Paradise and Love is Blind, and the way women, sometimes, behave IRL when dating. Many of us go into a relationship - knowing that our partner doesn’t meet our non-negotiables - out of this conviction or hope that one day they’ll somehow meet our checklist. And that is despite the fact that our partner has been upfront about who they are from the get-go. We just chose not to believe them. What ends up happening is that we waste time; and to add insult to injury, we’re upset when they act in par with who they’ve told us they are. Listen to your partner when they tell you who they are. It’ll save both of you time, energy, and unnecessary disappointment.

Don’t do Jumping-Jacks as Someone Pours Their Heart Out [16:40]

As Bartiste was sharing stories from his childhood and opening up, Raven seemed to think it was the most opportune moment for her to get her work-out in. It seems obvious, but maybe keep your donkey kicks until after your date is done telling you about their childhood traumas.

How Raven behaved was not only rude, but dismissive and borderline mean. While she may, at first, come off as aloof, Marni argues that she’s actually someone who seems emotionally unavailable and not attuned to the person in front of her. And honestly, it really is cringe when the person you’re opening up to, decides to do something else, while you pour your heart out to them. Just don’t do it.

Put Your Best Foot First, Don’t Shove it Through the Door [18:52]

We all have passions, hobbies, skills and things that we’re good at it. And it’s normal for everyone to want to present their best self when first dating. But there is a point when it becomes too much, as was apparent with several of the personalities on Love Is Blind. Both Colleen and Raven, made it a point throughout much of their encounters, to hammer in the fact that one is a ballerina and the other is into fitness. Marni believes that to a certain extent, constantly talking about what you do or what you’re good at on first dates shows a lack of confidence and self-worth. And quite frankly, it can be a turn-off.

Rather than leading with what you do, Marni suggests leading with who you are. The fun thing about dating is you get to know the person as you go on more and more dates. So, instead of laying it all out, sometimes giving little bits and pieces without honing in on one particular skill (over and over) is the way to go.

That’s what dating is, it’s to get to know if the idea of the person you have is really who the person is.

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Marni welcomes Marc Sholes in the Life Check Yourself studio where they have an in-depth conversation about the human mind. The pair delve into existential questions we all have. Why do we act a certain way in our relationships? Why do we get obsessive when the person we like takes days to respond to a text? Why do we form certain patterns and how can we break them? Marc, who has over 25 years of experience in psychotherapy, is the author of “Reset Your Romantic GPS: Why You Steer Toward the Wrong Partners and How to Change Direction for the Better.” The psychoanalyst, and licensed clinical social worker who has helped individuals, couples and groups to get to the root of their ailments. In this episode, Marc and Marni look into attachment theory, and the different attachment styles that we develop as infants, and then take with us into our adult relationships. They discuss the tools and methods used in our road to recovery, and the sense self-empowerment that comes from standing still and being comfortable in the discomfort of our feelings.

What’s attachment theory all about?
Discomfort is not your enemy
It all starts in infancy
Your attachment style is your love language
Can another person make you whole?
How to change the patterns that don’t serve you

Internalized Feelings of Security are Your Lifejacket [04:04]

Marc paints a picture of two infants; one born having had their needs met consistently and the other having had their feelings ignored or neglected by their primary caretaker. It is at that stage that our attachment styles begin to take shape.

The successful psychoanalyst explains that an infant who’s had their feelings responded to in a healthy fashion, will go on to internalize a sense of security and safety. And that internalized system is what they will go on to use in their interaction with the outside world. In the opposite scenario, the child will grow up with the crutch of constantly trying to create a bond with a partner, as a result of having had to do that as an infant. How an infant is responded to by their primary caretaker influences their own self-regulation and self-validation as an adult. Those of us with insecure attachment styles have had to find security outside of ourselves, whereas those with secure attachment styles have learned to internalize those feelings.

That person becomes much more preoccupied with the other; how do I meet the other’s needs? What can I do to accommodate the other so the other will love me?

Marnie adds that the reason why people with insecure attachment styles stay in unhealthy relationships is because it feels familiar. It mimics those first few years as an infant where needs weren’t being met, and where the child felt insecure.

Chasing Chemistry is an addiction [13:27]

In a relationship, you’re chasing that chemistry high. You’re pulled back again towards an intensity that you felt at a certain moment with your partner, and you’re willing to do anything to feel it again. The insecure individuals want to hold on to that feeling even though, in essence, it’s fleeing. In attempt to not lose the intensity with their partner, they start accommodating them, at times to their own detriment. Feelings from infancy resurface as they struggle to keep that connection with their partner.

Their value has been what they can do for the other, not what the other can do for them.

Change the coordinates on your Romantic GPS [16:45]

All hope is not lost, though. An insecure attachment style can be altered, but it takes work. Marc divulges that the key to change that insecurity is to actively train yourself to become your own regulator, rather than being dependent on your significant other. Through mindful meditation, you’ll manage to change your attachment style. Only by being able to sit with your feelings, and embrace them, can you then begin to accept that it’s actually okay to have them. Discomfort is something that the experienced psychiatrist invites people to feel. Because discomfort is a healthy choice; it means that we’re putting in the work.

It’s a way of realizing that you have it in you to be able to be that regulator and that the other doesn’t have to be that regulator - you have it inside of you.

Another practice that Marc encourages is taking note of your cravings. Understanding why you’re hankering for a certain food, and at what particular moment that manifests, helps with the why. It’s not about abstaining from your cravings but about understanding them and bringing them into your consciousness. Once you’re aware of why you’re making a certain choice, you can begin to change it. The questions you’re asking yourself at this point are empowering.

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Marni and Chris take a deep dive into the ups and downs of the relationships of the Bachelor Paradise’s contestants. Along with Dr.Emily, the trio contemplate the most prominent mistakes men and women make in relationships, and how their personality traits and behaviors affect their journey with their partners. While it may be a younger generation, we find that the traps the contestants fall into are very similar to the ones we still fall into, at any age, when out in the dating world.

Takeaways from this episode:

Know your non-negotiables
Emotionally Regulate Yourself
Can you get rid of the ick?
Context is Everything
Love is a verb, not just a word

Don’t Negotiate on Your Non-Negotiables [2:24]

The relationship between Kate and Logan is the epitome of what happens when you choose to date someone, who you know doesn’t tick off all the boxes on your check list. Marni points out, that rather than mistreating the “wrong” someone and putting them down, knowing your non-negotiables, will save you time, effort and quite frankly, a mean girl attitude.

Marni explains that for her, there are five non-negotiables, and that getting clear on what those are for you is an important part of successfully dating. Once you’ve identified the values that you’re not willing to compromise on, it’s equally vital, to share them with your partner. We find a perfect example of this with Kate and Logan. Kate put Logan down, and admitted to him not having the traits she was looking for. And yet, she’d not had a single honest conversation with him about her non-negotiables.

It’s not healthy for you or the person you’re dating, to stick around on the hope of them changing, or miraculously deciphering what your values are.

Eventually, you’re going to come back with some vitriol or resentment or something and you’re just going to hurt the person.

As Chris astutely explained it, you’ll end up hurting the person regardless, even when you’re trying not to, because of all the negative emotions that are pent up.

Bottom line is, know yourself and don’t drag your partner along for the ride if he’s not the one you want in the driver’s seat, to begin with.

The Ick: It’s you, not him [22:38]

As the story of Tyler and Britney unfolded, it was a clear manifestation of the anxious-avoidant trap that Chris had called it out earlier on, in the show. Where Britney seems to have a more avoidant personality type, Tyler comes off more as more needy. Dr.Emily explains that because the show was a controlled setting, the difference between those two personality types and how they might clash, wasn’t apparent. But, once out in the real world, however, that’s when Emily started to pull away.

Feeling the ick because someone is too into you, though, might be a sign that internally you are not used to having someone consistently care about you, and rather than set boundaries, you run in the other direction. Marni explains that a lot of the times, women get the ick because their partner is too interested and they start leaning in, more and more. And that’s when it goes from an attraction to a sort of turn-off for the woman. But that’s not a healthy pattern.

Chris gives his two cents by explaining that men are actually trainable. It’s more fulfilling, in the long run, to be with a man who checks on you too much than one who is completely aloof and checked out. Because the one who is too present is, more likely than not, the sweet guy, who’ll be there for the tough times.

They’re in touch with their feelings and express them versus trying to beat it out.

Britney didn’t need to put Tyler down the way she did, but rather have a conversation with him about space. The bad boys aren’t the ones who are going to be up with you at 4:00 AM stroking your hair while you feed baby, David. It’s the vulnerable, open ones, who are willing to give you what you deserve, that’ll still be standing when the smoke clears.

Pink Flags Might Just be Worth the Risk [21:24]

Sometimes taking a chance on the person standing in front of you pays off. Exploring that curiosity that attracted you to the person in the first place, despite the pink flags, by going on dates and getting to know them, does eventually bare fruits – not always in the way you imagined, but it doesn’t make it any less extraordinary.

Danielle continued seeing Michael and asking the right questions, and helping him work through his trauma, until they ended up moving to a more serious phase of their relationship.

Marni refers to their relationship in mentioning that the slower you go, the faster you get there. And that’s what they did, the two contestants took their time to get to know each other.

Dr. Emily mentions, that while she’s skeptical about whether or not, he’s actually ready for that type of relationship, it is clear that Michel is trying.

Because historically, I think he sees any kind of pink flag, and he’s like, out the door.

With Danielle, however, Michael seems to really be opening up, as Dr,Emily put it.

Taking your time to actually uncover what makes a person who they are, pays off, because we’ve all got a few pink flags at the end of the day.

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Marni welcomes Adele Spraggon in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they get into the nitty gritty of how to train your brain and break down patterns that have been influencing your relationships. Adele is an award-winning author, an international trainer and the recipient of the 2022 Women of Inspiration accolade. In this episode, Marni and Adele discuss the reasons why we react to our partners the way we do, how to recognize certain patterns in ourselves, and how to break the cycle of emotional distress that sometimes manifests in relationships. It’s a journey of self-empowerment wrapped in a 4-step process that starts by looking inwards, without judgment. Winner of the 2021 Top Behavioral expert title, Adele’s book, “Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment” has won several awards.

It’s all about repatterning.
How to change your reaction to your partner
How to make your relationship brand-new
Why do we fall into the same relationships over and over again?
Breaking the Serial-Dating Pattern
Why do you keep having the same fights?

You’re Interacting with a Pattern, Not a Partner [05:38]

Adele explains that when meeting or interacting with a person, we’re actually interpreting them through our own set of past experiences. We’re not reacting to them, but to a pattern we’ve formed for them.

Let’s think about the brain. It’s inside a dark silent room called a skull. It has no access to the outside world, so I can’t really know you.

We’re interacting to our own brain, rather than to the person standing in front of us. Adele goes on to emphasize that the brain is in a continuous process of rewiring itself. And to break certain cycle, repatterning – which is unearthing, understanding, and changing the internal patterns that are obstructing the relationship – is key. Reminding ourselves that we’re actually interacting with our own pattern, is an introspective process that allows us to find out why we’ve reacted to our partner’s behavior in a certain way. This eventually leads to the understanding that our reaction has more to do with us, than with them.

A pattern is an intertwined physical sensation, emotion and thought.

It is the patterns within us that we need to identify, deconstruct and reconstructed, in order to understand the why. And that’s part of the 4-step process that the award-winning author uses when working with couples.

Your Mind is just Along for the Ride [ 12:14]

Triggers stem from the physical and emotional state, rather than from the mind. What a person’s mind essentially does, is take whatever sensory data it’s given, and weave a story out of it.

If we could slow everything down, you would see the mind just following along.

The mind is there to justify the emotions. But in order to recognize these patterns and start deconstructing them, we need to slow down, and ask ourselves the right questions. The first step in Adele’s process for training the brain, is being unapologetically honest with ourselves about our feelings. In a world that’s constantly putting pressure on us to alter ourselves, the expert explains that this process is not about changing or fixing a particular emotion but rather about embracing and understanding it.

A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Introspection [18:57]

We’re not saying communication isn’t important, but rather how you’re communicating. Constantly trying to fix your partner or tell them what to do - something we’re all guilty of at one point or other - doesn’t work. Whereas, understanding the pattern that makes you react to them in a certain way, does. Your reaction to your partner’s behavior is a reflection of one of your patterns. Explaining those feelings to your partner, once you’ve explored them yourself, is the road to healing.

It’s when someone needs to justify or defend how they’re feeling, or fix how they’re feeling, it causes the other brain, your partner’s brain, to also want to defend, justify and fix.

The four traps Adele says need to be avoided, and the same ones that keep those triggering behaviors cemented in the relationship, are justifying, analyzing, catastrophizing and rebelling. Our brains have been, throughout our lives, conditioned to analyze, and justify. So, don’t justify. Unless you’ve taken a moment to stand still, and accept how you feel, and what pattern that belongs to, the relationship becomes a vicious cycle that is constantly repeating itself, with no end in sight.

What’s happening to your partner’s brain is every time you go down one of those traps, you’re pushing them into one of their traps.

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Marni and Chris join forces to untangle the real-life dating lessons from this Hunger Games version of Bachelor in Paradise (BIP for the cool kids). Next week is the season finale so a lot of relationships are meeting their breaking point. And, Chris makes a BIG announcement about how to upgrade your male partner!

Takeaways from this episode:

The biggest mistake women make in relationships
Is it too soon to start dating again?
Finding someone new will not lessen your heartbreak
The success rate of ultimatums

Relationship Readiness [3:16]

One of the biggest mistakes women make in dating and relationships happens twice in this episode. As Marni points out, you can’t get under someone else before you are healed from your last relationship. For example; Eliza chooses Rodney but it doesn’t feel right so she runs to the next boy, and keeps chasing different men because she doesn't know what will make her happy. Marni’s advice for her is to take a pause to get her mind straight.

Then, Andrew reveals that he can’t get over Teddi breaking up with him in the second season. He just dates other people to try to feel better. He needs to deal with his feelings before going any farther with Ency, who apparently loves him after spending less than 24 hours with him. In a very short time, Ency’s leaking low self-esteem gave Marni the icks.

Many guys, when heartbroken, will try to find someone else. The idea that dating someone else will make you feel better or get over your heartbreak is immature.

Chris asks if it is not healthy for someone to get under someone else soon after a breakup, how will I know when it is time?

Marni says relationship readiness depends on when you are emotionally free from the past. There are no thoughts of your ex coming back, no resentment, and no dark thoughts. Your heart should be healed.

Only after getting back to normal should you test the waters to see if you are able to be with another person without comparing them to the ex.

Trust Your Intuition [17:58]

Ency chooses the ultimatum strategy to try and get Aaron to give her love. By threatening to leave him she used an age-old manipulative strategy that comes from a place of fear and control. It is an immature and volatile way to handle conflict. It’s a horrible way to try to get someone to love you.

During the show, Aaron and Genevieve have an off-camera fight. Aaron tells her that her feeling impatient and stressed is the same thing and that she shouldn’t feel that way. In a time when she needed empathy, he didn’t know how to give it. Ultimately, they don’t know how to resolve conflict. He is a mansplainer who deflects issues instead of dealing with them.

Marni shares a spoiler and some juicy gossip about Aaron!

Both Aaron and Genevieve have an anxious attachment style. Their interactions show the unhealthy ways people try to express themselves when they want to experience love. Somewhere deep down in her gut, Genevieve knows Aaron is not the right guy but she ignores her intuition over and over.

“Fight for me” and ultimatum strategies are NOT ways to create connection or resolve problems.

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Marni welcomes the head of Global Communications at OkCupid, Michael Kaye to the Life Check Yourself Studio. OkCupid is one of the world's largest dating apps. Previously, Michael served as a Product Communications Manager at LinkedIn and as a Sr. Global Communications Manager with OkCupid. He is an industry award winner who has been featured on ABC NEWS, Business Insider, Bustle, Cosmo, NYT, and more. He shares insider tips and best practices to help you find someone special.

Takeaways from this episode:

Insider tips for making the algorithm find the right match
How much time to spend dating online
Who should message first
How to get offline and into each other's arms
Big dating profile turn-offs

How Michael Became a Connection Guru [2:21]

In college, Michael didn't know how to find other men in his area. He found the safest and most discreet way was through dating apps. The great news is that he is still dating the person he met online eight and a half years later. One day, he received a DM from someone at OkCupid to see if he was interested in interviewing for a position. He accepted and the rest is history. He says he loves working for a company that helps people find love all over the globe.

Dating apps work because people aren't attending gatherings like they used to.

Marni says the pandemic helped make online dating mainstream and shifted people's perception about trying to find someone online. Michael adds that the pandemic trends were that people wanted a stronger emotional connection before a physical connection. Another trend was that women started to take control of their dating lives. They were sending more first messages than ever before and it paid off for them.

Women Should Send the First Message [10:18]

Michael’s advice is to really take some time into drafting the first message to someone with a profile you find intriguing. He shares the data on how to make your first message the best. He says if you don't have a positive outlook, then you shouldn’t reach out. Take some time for yourself because what you put into online dating is what you get out of it. If you don't put the time in, you won't get quality matches, you won't find that special someone.

Dating is a part-time job.

Insider Secret Tips:

There is a way to trick the system but you have to spend the time doing it.
Go online for a few minutes every day or every other day. If not, you may be missing connections.
Change something about your profile every few weeks.
Login every Sunday as it is the busiest day of the week.

Learn to work the algorithm and educate it about who you are interested in.

Data shows that more than 9 in 10 people on OK Cupid have average or higher than average self-confidence. It's important to be confident in who you are when dating. If not those insecurities will filter into any relationship. It creates an unhealthy relationship if you don't.

How to Move Things Offline [19:58]

Michael says that it is easy to get frustrated with online dating because so many first messages are just Hey or What's Up. He says to move the conversation from the app to an in-person meeting, is to not be shy and say something like … this app is killing my battery, here is my number, this moves the conversation from the app to a phone call, e-mail, or even face-to-face.

30% of OkCupid daters want to move the conversation off the app asap.

Biggest Red Flags in Online Dating:

53% of daters on OkCupid say that being controversial or saying offensive things is a red flag.
27% of daters say mentioning an ex on first dates is a red flag,
20% of daters don't like it when the other person gets too drunk on a first date.

The biggest turn-off for people on an online dating app is people who put ---swipe left if - on their profile. Micheal advises that instead of focusing on deal breakers, highlight the dealmakers.

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Marni and Chris analyze the relationship styles of the remaining Bachelor in Paradise contestants and contemplate what effect the new singles dropping in next week will have on a season that is almost over. And, even though the contestants are hot-bodied, 20‒30 somethings, we find out that their dating mistakes are not so far off from the rest of us.

Takeaways from this episode:

Trying to find love without a good foundation of what healthy love is
Why checking boxes isn’t enough for some women
What exactly is love-bombing?
Setting boundaries

Don’t Waste Your Precious Time on the Wrong Person [1:04]

Handsome Alex is a great example of how checking boxes isn’t enough. Chris Gillis thinks Alex left the show because he didn’t offer any of the super-cool, put-together ladies anything to dwell on. He didn’t have any emotional response and he wasn’t fun enough. He was a plain vanilla type of guy.

Marni points out that one of the people in a relationship must be responsible for asking questions that evoke emotions or lead to getting to know someone better. Alex didn’t do that.

Logan, Johnny, and Alex just didn’t have what it takes to fulfill Victoria or Kate’s desire to set up a house and eventually have children. Marni adds that empowered women know what they want.

If you want to fix him, don’t date him. A guy is going to be the same guy no matter how long you date him.

Recognizing that a guy doesn’t meet your non-negotiables is a clear sign to end it. There is no sense in prolonging a relationship because you think a guy is going to change. He won’t.

The Big Story on the Beach [10:36]

The big story of the show was Rodney, Eliza, and Justin. Eliza gave Rodney the rose and sent Justin home. Marni says if she were to coach Rodney, she would tell him not to say such creepy things as Eliza stood there crying. It was probably what turned her off.

Both Rodney and Justin seem like typical good guys. Even as Justin left, he was supportive and in dignity. Eliza said she wanted to be fought for and then when it happened she didn’t know how to handle it.

Eliza may not have a healthy idea of what love is, or what a healthy relationship is. This is what happens when someone can’t manage their feelings. When Eliza’s feelings got overwhelming, she shut down.

That being said, it is also not fair to think you can choose between two men in only four dates.

Some women sabotage a great guy because they like the bad-for-you guys.

What is Love-Bombing? [21:24]

When someone says they got love-bombed, what exactly does it mean? Marni clarifies that love-bombing is when someone tells you how amazing you are and begins future-based conversations without really knowing you. Then shortly after, they get critical about the things they ignored. It is a total F-boy tool.

When you are grounded in your self-worth and not dating from a place of scarcity you don’t get love-bombed or gaslit.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes Brett Parker to the show. Brett walked away from his former career as a successful Hollywood director in LA. The burnout and overwhelm created a disconnect from everything he valued including his five-year-old son. He discovered a simple, elegant process to break free from the feeling of disconnect. He has since devoted his life to helping clients find their dream careers with passion, focus, and impact.

Takeaways from this episode:

Creating the life you want
Stop making decisions from fear
Get clear about your why
Living your million-dollar story

Create the Life You Want [2:21]

Ladies, use this convo with Brett to remind you that every guy you meet has his own crazy going on in his life. After his divorce, Brett found it challenging, but in a good way. He focused on how he could show up to be the best dad because that was the most important thing to him. He was so burned out he felt as if he had no choice but to leave his previous life.

During a dark night on the couch, Brett decided to forget about all the limitations and create a list of his absolute wants and his non-negotiables. He says, we all have a choice and we either choose love or fear. The first step is to decide what we want. If we don’t know what we want, we remain stuck.

When we feel stuck it is because we have made decisions out of fear.

Brett’s Steps to Get Unstuck:

Walk down the road of fear. Consider the worst possible thing that can happen if you make a change.
Embody the emotions you want to feel now.
Get clear about what you want in your life.
Be committed to living your why.

If you are waiting for the fear to pass you may be waiting forever.

The Process of Reframing [11:46]

Marni asks Brett what to do when we can’t get clear about what it is we truly want. For example, when we know what we don’t want but can’t put our finger on what would make our future amazing.

Brett took the leap even though he was afraid he wasn’t going to be there for the people important to him. Yet, in taking action, he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. He began embracing everything that came his way. He was learning new things and he was beginning to embody his why. He started to feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Success or love may not look like what you think it should look like. Reimagine your future.

Make a Connection:

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Brett’s Webinar: https://www.agoodparker.com/join-now/
Book a Call with Brett: https://calendly.com/bparker624

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Marni welcomes an award-winning international dating and relationship expert. Hunt Ethridge has over 15 years of helping people become the best, most datable versions of themselves. He helps his clients empirically become more datable. His company trains matchmakers and dating coaches. You may have seen him on one or more than 100 media outlets, including Playboy and CNN.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to communicate with Men about sex
Use special phraseology to get what you want
Get empirically better at dating
How to give a compliment

How Do Men Learn to Be Good at Sex [3:29]

Many women ask Marni why they are not excited about having sex with their boyfriend or how they can get their partners to be better at sex. Hunt says men don’t have a lot of resources to go to for information about relationships and sex. It is hard for them to know what to do.

For men, sex is tied up with ego. And, the male ego is fragile. This is what makes it difficult to ask for relationship advice and not take the feedback as criticism. A magazine or porn isn’t the greatest way to learn about sex because of the stereotypical roles they portray.

There are ways for women to get what they want in bed without being critical or frustrated with their guy. Hunt says it’s all about the phraseology. Adding a positive aspect can make a guy feel comfortable enough to adapt to what his woman wants.

Every woman has a different manual when it comes to physical touch.

Get Empirically Better at Dating [9:22]

Marni asks how women and men optimize themselves to find the right person. Hunt says luck favors the prepared mind. The essence of dating is to understand the value systems of your culture and try to exemplify them.

Empirically better dating is just a series of little extra skills that make you a more interesting, likable, person.

When dating, it is normal for people to ask logical questions hoping to get some conversation starter nuggets. But, in doing that Hunt says, we don’t set the stage for chemistry to flourish. We ask logical questions expecting to get an emotional result. Hunt offers examples of how logical questions can be asked emotionally.

Reframing a question can lead to emotional responses and help put us in a positive light.

Compliments are low-hanging fruit. But, if you give a compliment with a personalized touch it will mean so much more to the person.

Make a Connection:

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Hunt For Advice with Hunt Ethridge
Hunt Ethridge’s Matchmaking Academy

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Marni and Chris are joined by Dr. Emily to dish about what went terribly wrong on this week’s Bachelor in Paradise. In addition to extracting the real-life dating lessons demonstrated on the show, they share the contestants they identify with, and who their favorite contestants are.

Takeaways from this episode:

Power dynamics in relationships
Settling for the guy who shows you attention
The importance of shared values
Age-gap relationships

Gender Role Confusion on BIP [2:18]

Eliza and Rodney decided they were made for each other then Justin came back. Uh oh! Eliza asks if she can go on a date with Justin and Rodney says yes, but why? In the real world, many women are confused about power dynamics. They send confusing messages to men about how much power they want in a relationship because they were taught conflicting messages about what masculine and feminine dynamics are in a relationship.

Direct and honest communication is the best gift you can give another person.

Just because a guy says he is falling for you doesn’t make him “the one.” Almost all of the women on the show are emotionally fragile. They seem to be stuck on the guy that chooses them instead of weighing out their options. A lack of self-worth is what makes us settle for every guy that gives us attention.

Victoria Falls for Johnny [17:07]

What is it about Johnny that made Victoria crumble this week? Does he have F-boy kryptonite, or is it because he hangs out with the popular kids? He told Victoria he wasn’t good enough for her and he clearly doesn’t have the same values. Yet, as soon as she saw his brokenness and puppy dog face, she was hooked.

Toxicity [25:54]

Genevieve and Aaron are an example of how NOT to resolve conflict and how NOT to move forward in a relationship. These two are toxic together. Getting angry and defensive doesn’t solve anything. They both seem to have emotional issues and like drama.

Chris says this tactic won’t last. Eventually, one partner is going to give up and stop chasing the drama.

Make a Connection:

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Marni and Chris chew on all the juicy morsels that were this week’s Bachelor in Paradise which was hands-down the most interesting and real-life episode so far. The examples on the show prove you can have an amazing date one night and have another amazing date with someone else the next night.

Takeaways from this episode:

Learn not to take things personally
It takes some people longer to process how they feel
What real-life Dating with Dignity looks like #BeAVictoria
Infatuation and chemistry are not values

Dating Multiple People [2:49]

The big switch took place in Casa Amor this week. Contestants have shuffled around and landed with different people to date. Surprisingly, none of the guys said anything negative about the girl they decided to quit seeing.

When you are contemplating why someone didn’t ask you out on another date, maybe it’s not that all men are malicious or there is something wrong with you, it could just be they found a better connection with someone else. Don’t take it personally.

Shanae perfectly portrays what not to do when someone doesn’t want to date you anymore. Hint… she went ballistic.

Chris asks Marni why some people take themselves emotionally out of the market too early, like Jill who is leaving. Could be the producers asked her to leave since she has dated most of the guys already and there is no love connection with Jacob.

Victoria’s Secret [14:58]

Both Marni and Chris agree Victoria is the quintessential Dating with Dignity woman. She keeps her cool. She knows what she wants and she stays open to listening to what a guy wants. If every woman dated like Victoria is dating there would be peace on earth.

She knows Johnny is an F-boy who doesn’t want to be engaged at the end of the season. Yet, she asks him open-ended questions that seem to make him uncomfortable. She is listening for the truth. This helps her weed out guys who don’t share her values and don’t check her boxes and allows her to move on to find someone whom she can have a future with.

Ladies, when you feel a strong physical attraction to someone or become unnerved when they don’t text, ask yourself if you are feeling a healthy adult love or an unmet childhood need for love.

Sometimes people confuse physical chemistry with 6th-grade butterflies or high school drama.

Ladies, if someone says no to you, don’t take it personally. Think about if he is really even your person before getting emotional. Is he a person of value? Is he your equal? How is he treating you? Slowly going through these questions will make things clearer and take the emotion out of the equation.

Make a Connection:

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Glenn Sandifer joins Marni in the Life Check Yourself studio to help successful women find a man that matches their drive, ambition, and expectations. Glenn has over 20 years of experience in field sales and marketing. He says success in the workplace is often at odds with intimate relationships. He understands how busy people can enjoy their work but fail to build or maintain healthy personal connections outside of office hours. They discuss his book, Middle Ground: How to Get Great Dating Outcomes in a Modern World.

Takeaways from this episode:

How to define your type
Relationship expectations of high-quality, successful women
How to find a HENRY (high-earner not rich yet)
How to identify seasons in a relationship
Is it time to take the lead or be the helper?

Empowered at Work, Disempowered in Relationship [1:50]

Many women express their concerns about dating in the workplace. The challenge these high achievers have is they get tangled up in relationships that don’t meet their expectations.

Successful women often find themselves lingering with F-boys or the modern man. Modern women usually get with modern men but most modern women don’t want a modern man, they want a traditional man. Modern women are uncertain about what they want in a relationship. They believe they want a relationship to be 50-50, yet they have certain expectations about what role the man should play. And, traditional men generally don’t look for modern successful women.

High-value men are HENRYs: High-Earners Not Rich Yet.

In his book, Glenn defines a male persona as someone who takes care of a successful woman but doesn’t have any drive of his own. A successful woman will wait around for the male to step up but it simply wastes her time. The spirit of sacrifice and the spirit of duty necessary for a sustainable relationship are things most 25-year-old guys don’t have.

Finding Common Ground [16:33]

Glenn notes that some of the best relationship outcomes occur when there is a Leader and a Helper in all aspects of a relationship. At times, a woman leads and other times she helps, and vice-versa. Marni shares an example of clients who have difficulty shifting old paradigms of the leader/helper roles. Clients may say things like, “He is supposed to take this role.” Often, women have expectations that men should always take the lead.

Glenn’s personal view is that a lot can be learned from the Bible. He says there is a set of beliefs in the Bible, to guide us toward relationship success.

To be in a long-term, sustainable, committed relationship, we have a long view. There are seasons we go through but everything shifts and changes with time.

We all need to be intentional about our communication. Generally, when there is trouble in a relationship, we find that communication has been inauthentic and unclear.

Many times women want men to lead the conversation about where things stand in a relationship.

Make a Connection:

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Glenn Sandifer
The Middle Ground: How To Get Great Dating Outcomes in a Modern World, by Glenn Sandifer

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Marni and Chris Gillis shine a light on the often hidden dating lessons from the latest episode of Bachelor in Paradise. This episode is a treasure trove of real-life riches for people who want a successful, long-term relationship.

Takeaways from this episode:

The difference between telling your sad tale and being vulnerable
How to avoid activating your unmet childhood needs
Be rejection-proof
Don’t chase a man
Be the person you want to attract

You Are More Than Your Trauma [3:40]

To dispel the common dating no-no of making a tragedy the basis of your connection, especially on the first date, BIP producers brought in a woman they thought would have something in common with Michael. The move made Marni physically cringe. The theory is that BIP producers really liked Michael A., who lost his wife four years ago to breast cancer, and in an effort to get him to stay on the show, they brought in Danielle. Danielle lost her husband to suicide eleven years ago. It is an unhealthy way to start a relationship!

Trauma dumping is not being vulnerable.

Michael A., your supposed vulnerability is really lightly-veiled manipulation. Not cool brother. If you resonate with Danielle’s plight to not be a therapist for the rest of her life, run away from sad tale singles.

Being Rejection-Proof [14:53]

The ‘big switch’ in this episode led to an overabundance of tears and the hysteria the ladies produced is insane. They have only known the guys for a short period and have already formed the idea that the guys are “theirs.”

Chris admits that even though males get involved in fast-forward relationships without thinking it through, the women who live in scarcity and need to fall in love are sabotaging their dating life.

You have to be engaged and interested in a man without getting attached. If you are not careful you will activate your unmet childhood needs.

Having self-worth makes you rejection-proof and resilient.

Don’t Chase Him Down [26:47]

During the BIP episode, when the new women are introduced, the original women seemed overly distraught, but none as much as Lace. She walks down to the beach looking for Rodney, only to find him with a new girl. Ladies, big lesson here, if a guy does not respond to a message, Do Not chase him down.

This show is a great example of how to cultivate relationships when your ego-self is leading the way. Resolving your core issues is key to improving your dating life.

Make a Connection:

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Marni and Chris Gillis break down the double-whammy that was Bachelor in Paradise. So many juicy lessons in this episode about non-negotiables, emotional unavailability, prima donnas, and F-boys! If you are in the dating pool and consistently not meeting the right guys, tune in and chill out.

Takeaways from this episode:

Beauty fades and money is never enough
Love language connection
How to express what you need
Being more than your story
What to do when a date is not a match

Needs versus Wants [4:08]

This episode of Bachelor in Paradise revealed some perfect examples of ladies who have unrealistic expectations about what a guy needs to do in dating. A guy can be interested in a woman without being a slobbering mess and falling all over her. A woman who needs constant validation of her lovability and worth doesn’t make a good partner.

Hey Genevieve and Shanae, if a guy doesn’t treat you like Disney princesses you don’t have to turn into witches!

When starting to date someone and they don’t show up as “perfect,” understand that “perfect” is not realistic and realize that now is the time to train the person how you want to be treated.

Michael A-Hole [19:15]

Both Marni and Chris agree that Michael A. is an emotionally unavailable jerk. If you don’t remember, Michael was on the Bachelor but left because his son missed him and now he is on Bachelor in Paradise.

In the very first episode, Michael seemingly lays his soul on the line to Sierra. He got emotionally naked with her and then when she opened up to him he put on the brakes saying the relationship was moving too fast and that he just wants to be friends.

Marni says it clearly demonstrates that Michael is emotionally unavailable. Chris says Michael slammed his foot down on the vulnerability pedal and it’s bullsh*t. He started by speaking her love language and then pulled an f-boy move.

Even if Sierra was coerced into just leaving the relationship, she should have asked what Michael meant when he said things were moving too fast.

Don’t let your story be all you have to offer a partner.

How to Put on the Brakes [31:17]

There is no way to reform an F-Boy. So, when it is time to bow out after a date how do you do it? Marni explains how a girl can control the pace of dating and the overall relationship. She says — if you are on a date and it is not going well, you do not owe the other person anything. Even if they paid for the meal, brought flowers, etc.

The best way to bow out after dating is to be direct and tell the other person they are not your match.

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Marni and Chris Gillis break down the insecurities, easy hookups, and control struggles that were all over this week’s Bachelorette. Marni shares the solid takeaways from the show, especially the importance of remembering that dating is a process, and there is value in the entire process.

Takeaways from this episode:

Stop romanticizing the perfect man
Show up strong, not insecure
Keep your cool when dating around
Focusing on externals doesn’t fix internal insecurities

The Pitfalls of Romanticizing Someone You’ve Never Met [3:55]

Chris calls fantasizing about someone you’ve never met a delicious pitfall, but it isn’t one that you can risk falling for. It only sets you up for disappointment and a lack of a true fresh start. After Teddi’s date with Andrew, she takes a step back to realize that maybe her romantic fantasies about him sabotage any chance for a relationship before they even meet. Marni thinks that the fact that she ran away means she is emotionally unavailable and has serious avoidant attachment. She didn’t want to deal with Rodney or Andrew, and she basically set herself up to fail.

Marni asks Chris about the issue that Teddi revealed in Clayton’s season. Nate reminds listeners that Teddi — and all of the contestants — are real people with real backstories who have to protect their own mental health. Marni lays out the bottom line — don’t make up romantic fantasies about your date before you’ve met them in real life.

Let them show you who they are, don’t make up a story about who they are.

How to Show Up Strong [11:06]

Jill describes herself as painfully single, but Chris thinks that is a solid turnoff for a few reasons. It presents you in a negative light and makes it sound like no one wants you — even if that’s not really true!

Marni thinks Jill handled Romeo in the best way possible, but she spends way too much time painting herself as insecure. She needs to come off as a confident, strong, independent woman, but Chris wonders why she bounces between quirky and fun and then back to insecure.

Chris asks Marni if she thinks Romeo or Jill is more difficult dating-wise. Romeo has a bad reputation that he’s going to have a hard time overcoming, but Jill doesn’t present the energy that will attract the good guy.

Victoria, on the other hand, isn’t aggressive but is definitely open to possibilities, which is much more attractive. She keeps things light and fun, which is attracting all of the men straight to her.

Rule guys in until they rule themselves out.

Guys Aren’t Always Looking for Easy Women [18:05]

Tarzan Jacob is going to have his pick of three women, and he’s made it clear that it’s not going to be the women that are the most willing to sleep with him. Even he doesn’t pick Kira. Chris says no one wants to date the girl that is so easy that she’s obviously willing to hook up with anyone that looks at her twice.

Even if you are still trying to figure out your sexuality, sleeping around is not the way to get what you want most. Over and over again the guys on the show are most attractive to the women who don’t sacrifice their self-respect for anyone else.

Chris and Marni talk about who keeps their cool best when contestants start dating around, and what it means about your own insecurities. Remember, you may feel like you don’t have control when the guy you like goes on a date with someone else, but you always have plenty of choices until you decide to go exclusive.

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Marni welcomes Tessa Alburn to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Tessa is a certified master coach at the Institute for Living Courageously and has been working on the You’re Courageous Life VIP program. She has helped countless women connect with the essential self, let go of limiting beliefs, and start to write the blueprint for the whole self life that they really want to live.

Takeaways:

How to communicate your true self
Recognize the power of how you show up in the world
Overcoming your self-limitations
Uncover what has been holding you back

Creating a Life of Core Meaning [4:30] Tessa reveals the reasons that so many women come to the ILC and the core change that allows them to finally start creating a life of meaning. Core change means understanding and being your essential self and recognizing how it expresses energetically in the world.

Tessa reminds us that there is nothing wrong with us, but we have to be able to express our true self. We have to learn what needs to shift and then get the essential self expressed in a way that is received and heard by others.

Too many women are missing the pieces around how to communicate from their true self, the part of them that wants to be loved.

You might have a great life, but still feel a disconnect between true gratitude and the gratitude that is in your mind, leaving you feeling stuck and angry. At the ILC campus, we work to help women bridge that gap.

Why Your Essential Self Energy Matters [13:07] Marni asks why your essential self matters in your efforts to live a meaningful life, attract the right partner, be a powerful leader and create impact in your relationships. Why should we care about that? When we own that it matters to us, we can come into a fullness of life that is freed up to have a more meaningful life experience. That also results in connection with the divine, the universe, and with others.

When we know we are living our purpose in life, we have such deep gratification, deep fulfillment, and deep satisfaction.

Overcoming What is Holding You Back [21:23] Our clients experience breakthroughs when they start asking themselves high-quality questions. Tessa shares some of these questions, like How did my reaction connect to the past? How did I learn to react like this? How might I love myself even though I’m upset?

If you’re not able to come into your adult self, you will constantly feel hurt and rejected.

Marni shares the example of choosing not to text men back. Being a quiet woman who doesn’t use her voice is just a script that is holding you back, and holding onto outdated, limiting advice is not the way to get what you really want!

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Marni and Chris gather the Dating Dos and Don’ts from this season’s first episode of Bachelor in Paradise. There were some great lessons about what to share on the first and second dates. FYI, IBS isn’t one of those things, Hunter!

Takeaways:

Subconsciously adopting social constructs like age
The art of setting boundaries
Creating pseudo-intimacy by over texting
When to reveal your fetishes

When to Share Your Medical Truth & Age Issues [:56] In the episode, Hunter offers us a great Dating Don’t opportunity. She talks about her IBS with Johnny. It made Marni uncomfortable when she heard it. Her advice is not to share this type of information too soon. Romeo became overwhelmed by all of Hunter’s issues.

Dating Don’t — Don’t share all of your medical conditions on the first date.

This season seems to be the geriatric version of Bachelor in Paradise boasting several over 30 contestants. Chris Gillis warns against accepting social labels as our own. Age normally doesn’t become an issue until we make it mean something about us.

Setting Boundaries [10:56] Romeo, Kira, and Jill show us an example of Dating Dos and Don’ts if a person you are dating is dating other people. In the show, we are aware that Romeo kissed Kira in a club. Kira comes off like she has a weird ownership of Romeo after just the kiss and some texts. The issue is Romeo tells Jill he likes her. But then totally weirds out when it comes to telling Kira he is not interested in her. The art of the breakup is not his forte.

Dating Do — If you are not interested in someone, tell them swiftly, simply, and succinctly.

And, ladies, watch Kira try to get validation through sex. Marni says if you make up the story that all guys want is sex and then you come across as sexually aggressive a guy WILL take you up on it. He will not be considering you for a long-term commitment because he will be wondering how many other dudes you are playing the same game with.

Dating Do — Be honest about what you want from a relationship and lead with your values.

Creating a False Sense of Intimacy [15:18] Serene and Brandon demonstrate a big Dating Don’t. Marni says it is a big don’t to reveal too much when texting as it creates a pseudo-intimacy. It is impossible to create an intimate connection without ever being face-to-face. Save the juicy stuff for when you meet in person.

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Takeaways:

Subconsciously adopting social constructs like age
The art of setting boundaries
Creating pseudo-intimacy by over texting
When to reveal your fetishes

Dating Don’t — Don’t share all of your medical conditions on the first date.

Dating Do — If you are not interested in someone, tell them swiftly, simply, and succinctly.

Dating Do — Be honest about what you want from a relationship and lead with your values.

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Marni welcomes former Hustle Culture Devotee, Sara McElroy to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Sara is an ex-Chief Marketing Officer, the WSJ poster girl for a pandemic career burn-out, and a two-time member of the great resignation. After a stress-induced shingle diagnosis in 2021, Sara decided to hit the reset button on her life. While looking for alignment in her life, she created Raze to Rise to amplify women’s voices, and inspire others to blaze new trails.

Takeaways:

Some people change slowly and others take a fast 180
Redefine what success means to you
Quiet quitting is an acceptable first step
Break free of good-girl conditioning

Resign as Many Times as You Need To [1:47] Sara reveals that during the beginning of her corporate career she didn’t have self-trust. She was the quintessential corporate soldier. She outsourced her power and agency and put her future in the hands of the corporation she worked for.

Sara says we get to the breaking point more quickly when we know what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not. Our dissatisfaction becomes a muscle that flexes when something is not in alignment.

Good-girl conditioning is very real. We are rewarded for being obedient and not asking troublesome questions.

We get stuck in unfulfilling jobs if we have not been taught to make choices that are good for us. She knew she wasn’t the only woman mired in cycles of burn-out.

Defining Success [8:48] Sara created the phrase Raze to Rise when she rebuilt her life based on what she wanted, not what she was told to want. She says the belief system we pick up from others can be insidious because we operate our lives based on someone else's belief of what success is.

And, while it is important not to require external validation in general, it is exceptionally important not to have it in your career because it can create a pseudo-addiction to the meaningless atta-girls.

There is nothing wrong with taking baby steps in the direction you want to go.

Quiet Quitting [19:13] Marni asks what is driving women to quietly quit. Is it a passive-aggressive maneuver or is it the beginning of a movement toward change? Sara says while it seems counterproductive to some it is a step forward for those who haven’t built up their self-confidence yet.

Sara created a six-stage journey for people ready to go through the process of walking away. The rumbling of quiet quitting can be akin to disillusionment, or not being in alignment with what you are doing at the moment. She says while some people have a lightbulb moment and others approach it as quietly quitting. It is just the first step toward enlightenment.

It is beautiful when we acknowledge the bars of the cage we created for ourselves.

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Raze to Rise
Sara J McElroy on LinkedIn

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Takeaways:

Some people change slowly and others take a fast 180
Redefine what success means to you
Quiet quitting is an acceptable first step
Break free of good-girl conditioning

Good-girl conditioning is very real. We are rewarded for being obedient and not asking troublesome questions.

We get stuck in unfulfilling jobs if we have not been taught to make choices that are good for us. She knew she wasn’t the only woman mired in cycles of burn-out.

There is nothing wrong with taking baby steps in the direction you want to go.

It is beautiful when we acknowledge the bars of the cage we created for ourselves.

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Marni and Chris discuss the fired-up season finale of the Bachelorette 2022. Marni is a bit perturbed about how it seems women on the show can do no wrong and making the guys look like villains is acceptable. Rachel tears into Tino after learning of an indiscretion and then breaks up with him. Then, Gabby turns the other cheek and gives Erich a fighting chance even after learning about his offenses.

Takeaways:

Tips for breaking up when it is the right thing to do
How to question someone with empathy
Owning up to an indiscretion
Compassion and Forgiveness

The Rachel-Tino Breakup [2:39]

The projection of Rachel as the queen and making Tino appear to be the villain undermines all the good communication and healthy relationship advice Marni has ever taught. Rachel didn’t handle the breakup with dignity. Tino was trying so hard to express himself but he just couldn’t get there. Rachel was emotionally unavailable and Tino felt insecure. So Tino goes out and kisses someone else.

It is not OK that Tino kissed someone else.

Rachel couldn't identify the problem to work with Tino to solve it. She was triggered and couldn't communicate.

People on Twitter are beating up Tino about having a journal. Marni says Tino acknowledged what he did, validated Rachel, and then apologized for his actions. When she doesn’t accept his apology she breaks up with him and then instantly regrets her actions. It was unnecessarily painful.

Break Up Tips [24:59]

Sometimes people need to break up. All relationships are not meant to be. Chris reminds everyone the contestants are real people with real feelings. Most people, especially online, have disregarded Tino’s feelings. Did Tino just want to win and crush it? As one user observed, did he realize he wouldn’t become the Bachelor?

Rachel had a unique opportunity to be empathic and asked Tino what was going on. She could have questioned his motives for kissing the other girl, but she didn’t. Chris says Rachel took it personally and was angry. Neither Rachel nor Tino could regulate themselves or manage their emotions.

If you are going in a circle with your partner and can’t seem to resolve your issues, maybe it is time to do work independent of each other.

Gabby and Erich [40:28]

The producers of the show needed a hero so badly that they ignored all of Erich’s misgivings. Luckily Erich and Gabby seem like they like each other. Gabby appreciated Erich’s honesty and told him so. Rachel should have had a similar conversation with Tino.

Gabby accepts that Erich isn’t perfect but is still willing to have a relationship.

Compassion and forgiveness are the keys to love.

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Marni welcomes Eva Selhub into the Life Check Yourself Studio. Beyond having explanatory superpowers, Eva is a Board Certified Physician, Speaker, Scientist, Author, and Executive Leadership and Performance Coach who served as an Instructor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School. She specializes in Corporate Wellness and Resilience. She provides clients the guidance to use their powerful gifts to translate complex information and make it practical and usable.

Takeaways:

Six Pillars to Cultivating Resilience
How to make decisions in your best interest
Choosing joy and curiosity
Accepting the dark and light sides of ourselves

The Keys to Faith & the Mechanics of Resilience

In Eva’s books, she describes her struggles and how she looks at them as opportunities for growth, and change. It’s what resilience is all about, she says. Feeling knocked down for being a woman in academia, she found herself in a male-oriented, structured box. She recognized others were threatened by her and her ideas. They thought she was too much, too loud, too everything.

Eva says for her it is about growth, exploration, love, richness, curiosity, and creativity. She chose joy, and passion, and was smart about it.

Eva says the question of what we are supposed to be doing is a construct created by a man. In the past, men thought women were supposed to be domesticated, wear dresses, have children, and play a certain role.

Women can get caught up in doing everything they believe will help them get what they want, but do they really know what they want?

It’s important to honor and have compassion for your feelings, both positive and negative. In a negative mindset, we lose access to our acquired skill set and inherent tools. We lose access to the support that can raise us up and out of the negativity.

6 Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience

Resilience is a double-edged sword. It has a dark side and a bright side. The dark side is burnout. It is when we keep getting hit over and over again (much like we did during the pandemic). The bright side of resilience is called flourishing, or a state of flow. Eva created the Six Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience to help people understand how to make opportunities out of their struggles.

Ask yourself — Am I fueling myself to thrive or die?

The body whispers before it screams and it whispers through our senses.

Energy & Vibration Are Everything

If we believe in the law of attraction, or manifestation, then we know everything is about vibration, aka energy. Eva says if we want to find out why we might be stuck in old-seated beliefs that either come from our upbringing, meditations and healings can reprogram our underlying belief system until it no longer exists.

When we embrace the light we begin attracting different circumstances and relationships.

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Marni, Chris Gillis, and Dr. Emily discuss the emotional trainwreck that was last week’s Bachelorette. Beyond Rachel and Gabby needing therapy, they believe the guys who are left to be high-quality guys. Lessons strained out of the cold soup that was this episode include being realistic about what makes a good, long-term relationship and being present when important milestones are happening.

Takeaways from this episode:

Be clear about what you want early in a relationship
Always ask the follow-up question — What do you mean exactly?
How to spot a high-quality guy
Feeling lovable even when you have childhood trauma

It’s All About Expectations [1:30]

Marni points out that this episode brings to light something many people struggle with — Making sure the person they are interested in has the same expectations and is looking for the same thing as they are. And, the importance of always asking the follow-up question — What do you mean by that exactly?

During this episode, we find out that five of the six guys don’t want to be engaged. The contestants seem to believe that winning is what is important and the connection with the other person doesn’t seem to matter. Case in point, Rachel’s mind is melting because she just wants a proposal.

Sometimes we get attached to what we think we want and we are not being present to what is actually happening.

There are two seemingly high-quality guys making a reasonable ask of Rachel. They want to see where she lives first. Aven passionately says he is not rejecting Rachel but she doesn't seem to be listening to him. Rachel told her family she was not going home until she was engaged. Dr. Emily says Aven seemed like the perfect guy but Rachel rejected him because he wouldn’t decide within 48 hours.

Rachel needs some training on how to be empathetic, how to be more direct, and how to speak her needs without manipulating guys.

Conflict in a relationship can be healthy but you need to know how to get back to compatibility.

Gabby Can’t Prove She is Lovable [18:51]

Just the slightest bit of love and attention becomes overwhelming to Gabby. Even though she seems hell-bent on proving how unlovable she is, Dr. Emily says Gabby's identity is so tightly tied to her trauma and wounding that every action she takes is colored by her limiting core belief.

It’s impossible to find someone to fill the hole in your soul.

Gabby regurgitates her limiting beliefs too many times for her to ever break free of them. Chris says she may need too many hours of therapy before she can handle her 50% of a relationship.

Why Did Gabby and Rachel Not Find Love? [29:35]

Marni poses the question — Why did Rachel and Gabby end up with guys who are not ready to commit to a relationship?

Chris thinks it was rushed. He says that everyone loves Gabby but she can’t shake her issues of not knowing what to make of being loved. Marni thinks Rachel only chooses guys who choose her. It may feel safe to her because she knows the guys are already interested. Dr. Emily thinks Aven is a high-quality dude that Rachel isn’t ready for.

Be clear about what you want and ask for it early on in a relationship.

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Marni welcomes Certified Master Coach Angie Hooper into the Life Check Studio to talk about letting things go. Angie shows professionals proven strategies to get to the roots of their stress, make values-based decisions, and make great relationships with their customers. She worked 20-plus years in corporate America for international publicly-traded companies. She shares how we can let go of past regrets, build mastery over stress, and unlock our intuition.

Takeaways from this episode:

The path to forgiveness
How to say I’m sorry
Transform a pain story into a hero’s story
Waiting for an apology is a waste of time
Is justice really revenge?

The Forgiveness Path [3:10]

Angie created the forgiveness path when she was working with a client who was extremely angry at her ex-husband. The client couldn’t focus on the task at hand because a cloud of anger was getting in the way. Angie says we all may know that “forgive and forget” is commonly suggested during times of resentment; many people don’t realize how freeing it is.

Her client was putting all of her spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical energy into the past. It left very little energy left for the present or the future. She was giving someone else her power.

Our suffering does not impact the amount of suffering someone else endures.

Waiting for an Apology is a Waste of Time [13:19]

Waiting for an apology gives away control over our emotional state. We often give away our power to someone who has proven they don’t have our best interest at heart. They don’t deserve our power! When we get on the forgiveness path we pull back our power.

We judge apologies and the sincerity level of the apologizer.

When we are the injured party, insincere apologies can reinjure us. We judge the size of our pain against the size of the apology. When we do the forgiveness work we can make a clear decision about a path forward. A myth people have about forgiveness is thinking that it involves more than just them.

Achieving Forgiveness [23:10]

Angie says that a good way to get clear about what we need to forgive is to remember that the person we want to forgive probably remembers the same story differently.

Transform a pain story into a hero’s story.

Letting go of our need to be right will get us unstuck more deeply and faster than anything else we can do. We need to be willing to free ourselves by separating ourselves from our need to be right or win.

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Angie Hooper Forgiveness
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Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily join Marni to talk about what could be the best episode of the Bachelorette in a decade. Marni was at the edge of her seat. When the characters don’t play by the rules it causes conflict and breaks the format in a new way. Gabby’s plan is upended by her own insecurities, Jason just wants followers, and Rachel doesn’t have an authentic bone in her body.

Takeaways from this episode:

Quit sabotaging your relationships
How to spot a player who thinks he is a quality casual.
Rachel becomes the female Clayton.
Don’t make excuses, just tell a guy you are not interested.

Gabby Sabotages Herself

Gabby claims she is looking for a long-term relationship but she can’t seem to get out of her own way. While she recognizes her fear of being unlovable, she is creating her reality by wallowing in self-doubt.

Johnny and Jason are both out. Johnny freely admits he is a player who is not looking to be engaged. Jason, on the other hand, is a player who pretends he is a quality casual guy.

Chris’s theory is that Gabby got what was coming to her. She accepted the crumbs Jason tossed out and didn’t ask for more because she doesn’t feel worthy of love. She led with her guard up and almost predicted that guys would leave her and that is what is happening.

Gabby is a poster child for what not to do in dating.

The Fakest Faker — Rachel

Even though the internet doesn’t agree, Marni and Chris understand that Rachel is the female Clayton. Zach calls her inauthentic, probably because she oozes fakeness. She has led Zach on only to call him out about his age at the rose ceremony.

It is clear Rachel will not choose Zach. Dr. Emily questions what Rachel gets out of it and why she leads him on if she is not into him. Chris sternly advises women to not put a guy through that type of run-around. Don’t make lame excuses or put insincere obstacles in his way. Just be honest about how you feel and let a guy heal.

Rachel needs to get over herself. She wants everyone to be in love with her.

Rachel will probably choose Tino. Marni thinks he has been in love with Rachel since their first kiss.

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Marni welcomes Dr. Megan Rossi, aka The Gut Health Doctor, into the Life Check Yourself studio. As a Registered Dietician, Dr. Rossi is one of the most influential gut health specialists in the world. She is a nutritionist, a leading research fellow at King’s College in London, and the founder of the Gut Health Clinic. Her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, is a must-read for those looking to be their best self.

Takeaways from this episode:

Nourishing the brain through the gut
Health benefits of pre and probiotics
Should we eat superfoods?
Tips for adding plants to a diet

How Food Connects to Our Emotional Wellbeing [2:10]

Nutrition has systemic benefits for every organ in our body. Gut bacteria do more than people realize. So what we feed them has a direct cause on how they can help us. Nutritionists today understand much better than in the past the connection between the gut and the brain. Hence the term gut instinct.

Food can not only taste amazing it can also do amazing things for the body.

Megan shares the key principles of her book, How to Eat More Plants, and explains the difference between prebiotics and probiotics.

30-Plant Points a Week [12:07]

Megan shares findings from a U.S. research study that found people who ate more than 30 different plants a week had better gut health than those that ate the same ten veggies on repeat. It didn’t matter if the person was a vegan or omnivore. It was the plant diversity that made the difference. Each different type of plant has hundreds of benefits for different gut bacteria.

If you only ate superfoods you would limit your bacterial diversity.

Tips for Adding Extra Plants to a Diet [22:19]

In her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, Megan offers tips and tricks that help add more plants to a diet. It includes a 28-day plant challenge, how to consume legumes without bloating, and recipes that add plants to everyday meals without a hassle.

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Marni and Chris Gillis break down the ad-laden, commercial-driven, brand partner extravaganza that was this week’s Bachelorette. Fortunately, there were some important dating nuggets in the show for Marni to extract but for the most part, after watching viewers felt compelled to book a cruise with a Kardashian.

Takeaways from this episode:

Dating 101: Lead with you, not your children if you have them
Say what you feel when you feel it
Get rejection-proof
Men aren’t as well-versed in being emotionally vulnerable

Nate the Great [4:03]

During the episode, Gabby breaks up with Nate because she doesn’t want to be a mom or think she will be a good mom. Marni gives kudos to Nate for not trying to change Gabby’s mind. That is just not something you can change somebody’s mind about. Nate said that his daughter is his light and he wants someone who will share that. He wants someone who wants to be a mom.

But, in the past, Nate dated someone and didn’t tell them he had a kid. Chris asks Marni what a good time frame is for people dating to bring up their children and strategies for how to weave it into the conversation.

Marni shares why she loved Nate’s response when he was asked about it and her thoughts on DWC or Dating with Children.

If you have kids and are dating, lead with yourself.

What Are You Waiting For? [18:25]

Everyone, including the producers, is trying to make Logan a bad guy. All he did was regret not saying how he felt when he felt it. Should he have bowed out before the rose ceremony? Yes, probably. But, based on the preview for next week’s episode, Johnny and Jason are more guilty for not sharing what they are feeling. Will they really tell Gabby they are not ready for a relationship? They signed up for The Bachelorette!

Ladies, make sure the guy you are with has the same relationship goals.

Logan did leave the rose ceremony to go and talk with Gabby. Rachel took it personally. If Logan had told her before the ceremony, it wouldn’t have been such a huge deal. If you can date and be rejection-proof to the point of being rejected and knowing it is not about you, then you are gold.

Men Need Support Too [27:15]

Chris definitely has an issue with the double standards on the show. Tyler is feeling particularly safe and shows his vulnerability, only to be rejected by Rachel and then everyone asks if the girls are okay. The men need some support too. They are putting themselves out there and trying to be emotionally vulnerable. Chris says “give them a break.”

Reality TV audiences can be unforgiving when it comes to giving men a break after making relationship mistakes. Men are good at a lot of things but navigating emotional waters is difficult.

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Takeaways from this episode:

Dating 101: Lead with you, not your children if you have them
Say what you feel when you feel it
Get rejection-proof
Men aren’t as well-versed in being emotionally vulnerable

Nate the Great [4:03]

Marni shares why she loved Nate’s response when he was asked about it and her thoughts on DWC or Dating with Children.

If you have kids and are dating, lead with yourself.

What Are You Waiting For? [18:25]

Ladies, make sure the guy you are with has the same relationship goals.

Men Need Support Too [27:15]

Reality TV audiences can be unforgiving when it comes to giving men a break after making relationship mistakes. Men are good at a lot of things but navigating emotional waters is difficult.

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website
Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14‒16 2022! Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
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Marni is joined by a client who had her entire life change in six months. Sherry was a self-proclaimed type-A perfectionist who would beat herself up. She admits that before last year’s Ignite Your Life event, she couldn’t envision how good her life could be. Now she has a partner who shares her vision.

Takeaways from this episode:

Inner child work
Raising the bar of what is possible
Becoming rejection-proof
Leaning into a vision
How to live courageously

That Was Then [1:26]

Sherry says she had done a lot of personal development work before discovering the last Ignite Your Life 3-day workshop. She was not in a content place. She had been dating someone from work who ghosted her despite them seeing each other every day.

She couldn’t seem to let go of the hurt and rejection she felt. She was stuck. She knew she needed to get over it but couldn’t quite get there no matter how much she tried. She went to different coaches to try to shift things until she signed up for Ignite Your Life.

Sherry made a mental commitment to make the most of the program. She recalls Marni telling her the program would work if she allowed it to work. Marni made it clear that it was an internal job even though Sherry often sought external solutions.

Sherry admits to struggling with self-worth and self-confidence. She had previously been in a relationship with someone emotionally abusive, then was single for eight years. She had a fear of getting into a relationship and being trapped, coping strategies from her childhood.

Don’t look for an external solution for an internal job.

In Just Six Months, Sherry’s Life was Ignited [10:55]

Some people may sign up for the Ignite Your Life event with the sole purpose of attracting love and finding a partner. It was something Sherry often thought of. After the first day, Sherry realized it was bigger than that. It would be more about falling in love with herself, being comfortable in her skin, and becoming rejection-proof.

She created a profile on Match.com even though she was opposed to online dating. She decided to be open to everyone because she didn’t know if her old patterns were still leading her life. She knew she had to trust her intuition.

Sherry Life Checked Herself [21:45]

Marni asks Sherry to offer one piece of advice to other women, Sherry says to consider how mean you are to yourself. Are you showing up as a sum of your core wounds?

When we are in a place of limitation and have a low bar about what is possible we can’t see how good life can be.

Sherry now has a reference point and knows what her vision feels like in her body. Without the learnings, she gained from the event, everything would have felt out of reach. She became empowered to bridge the gap between where she was and where she wanted to go.

Make a Connection:

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Takeaways from this episode:

Inner child work
Raising the bar of what is possible
Becoming rejection-proof
Leaning into a vision
How to live courageously

That Was Then [1:26]

Don’t look for an external solution for an internal job.

In Just Six Months, Sherry’s Life was Ignited [10:55]

Sherry Life Checked Herself [21:45]

Marni asks Sherry to offer one piece of advice to other women, Sherry says to consider how mean you are to yourself. Are you showing up as a sum of your core wounds?

When we are in a place of limitation and have a low bar about what is possible we can’t see how good life can be.

Make a Connection:

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Marni is joined by Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily to discuss the Hometown episode of the Bachelorette. Everyone on the internet is wondering why this season is such a letdown. What started as somewhat interesting has turned into a car wreck. You don’t want to look but you can’t turn away. Let’s find out how Gabby and Rachel navigated their guys’ families on their turf.

Takeaways from this episode:

Get clear about your values and vision
Trying on guys to see what fits
Things to communicate early in dating
Stop taking things personally

Gabby Hometown [1:50] Each contestant has the option of visiting the hometown of four guys. Gabby only chose to do three hometowns and is making quite the stir about it. She never lets on about why she didn’t meet four families but it may imply she already knows who she is choosing as her partner.

Marni questions why two of the guys, Jason and Johnny, who got all the way to this point tell their parents they don't think they can marry Gabby in the near future. Gabby insists she is ready for a long-term relationship.

When you are ambivalent or unclear about your vision and core values you will attract people who are the same.

Gabby displays a pinkish flag when she asks Jason’s family if there is a side of Jason that she isn’t seeing. Dr. Emily points out that the three guys Gabby has chosen are vastly different types of guys. Is Gabby trying on different types of guys to see what fits her best?

Marni says Gabby is amazing and needs to get over her feelings of being broken.

Gabby tells Erich she is falling in love with him!

Rachel Hometown [15:18] While Rachel took advantage of all four of her hometown opportunities, she should have saved Tyler time, energy, and heartbreak and skipped his. For their date, Tyler had all of his friends at the hot dog stand and Rachel tells him goodbye. Dr. Emily thinks Rachel wanted to be interested in Tyler but just couldn't get there.

It’s a bummer Tyler said I love you before Rachel broke up with him. Her communication skills definitely need some work. She is such a people pleaser she prolonged the news for much too long. She should have given Tyler a little more respect.

If a guy is great on paper but you are not into him and this happens over and over again, you need to Life Check Yourself!

Of the three guys left, Marni and Dr. Emily believe Rachel should choose Zach. He may be plain vanilla but he shows the most promise. But she is likely to choose Tino even after the somewhat defeating hometown visit with him.

Did Tino’s family know he went on a reality show? Considering they think the concept of a reality dating show is silly. Rachel reacts victimy and takes their comments personally choosing to believe that it is more about her than the concept.

Will Gabby bow out and leave the crown to Rachel?

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Marni is joined by Mindset Manifestation Coach, Efia Sulter. Efia is a content creator with good vibes. She empowers ambitious women to stop playing small and access their innate magic to have an expansive reality to live the life they want, not the life they feel they are supposed to. Fully surrender to manifest the future you’ve always wanted.

Takeaways from this episode:

Common myths about manifestation
Why setting intentions in the second step in manifestation
Creating strong boundaries
Balancing masculine and feminine energy
Don’t fake it til you make it

Circumstance Does Not Define Us [1:40] Efia says as a teenager she believed she wanted to have a ‘normal’ life that mirrored everyone else she knew. In her 20s, she discovered she did not like living her life based on what everyone else did or had and transformed herself into a person who would live life on her own terms. She says the question that changed her life was ‘Who do I want to be?”

A common misconception about manifestation is that there is a reward system or end goal associated with it.

Manifestation is more than doing the things you are supposed to be doing or what other people tell you to do. It is about considering what you feel or what you want to create.

Arrival Fallacy & Manifesting What You Want [8:19] Arrival fallacy is the belief that happiness will only come when we achieve a goal or reach a destination. But, being in the moment and celebrating who we are in the present is what should be savored in life.

Efie describes the beauty of the journey IS the icing on the cake of life. Attaching personal worth and identity to outcomes, it is easy to forget the beauty of now.

Mantra: I surrender the outcome because I know whatever happens I will be okay.

The more we can tap into the feeling of trusting our intuition, trusting the guidance, and having faith in something unseen that is how we manifest in our lives. We can unlock the codes to success and happiness.

The Vibes Method [19:40] Elia describes her Vibes method. In it, she assists clients in creating a personal manifestation blueprint. She says many people start their manifestation process by setting intentions. The first step of the Vibe method is embodying the vibe of our higher self. By doing this step first, it keeps us anchored to our intentions, keeps us on our path, and ensures our intentions are in integrity with what we want to create.

Everything in life can have intentionality to it!

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Podcast — TheManifestEdit.com

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Takeaways from this episode:

Common myths about manifestation
Why setting intentions in the second step in manifestation
Creating strong boundaries
Balancing masculine and feminine energy
Don’t fake it til you make it

A common misconception about manifestation is that there is a reward system or end goal associated with it.

Manifestation is more than doing the things you are supposed to be doing or what other people tell you to do. It is about considering what you feel or what you want to create.

Efie describes the beauty of the journey IS the icing on the cake of life. Attaching personal worth and identity to outcomes, it is easy to forget the beauty of now.

Mantra: I surrender the outcome because I know whatever happens I will be okay.

Everything in life can have intentionality to it!

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website
Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14-16 2022! — iylvip.com
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates
Free Training: The Power of Subconscious Manifestation — efiasulter.com/freebie
Podcast — TheManifestEdit.com

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Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14-16 2022! - iylvip.com

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Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14-16 2022! - iylvip.com

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Marni and Chris break down episodes 1‒5 of the latest season of the Bachelorette. Gabby and Rachel may not be as mature as some of the guy contestants. Tyler is young but so manly, Tino is the frontrunner, and Zach is too nice for Rachel. Eric, Jason, and Johnny are all Gabby has left. Listen in for all the other juicy nuggets derived from this season and prepare for next week’s Hometown segment.

Takeaways from this episode:

Navigating relationship conflict
The downside of self-doubt
How sexy should a date be
Using King and Queen to describe a date
Genuinely loving the person you versus just liking the attention they give you

Bachelorette [3:25]

Chris and Marni are now into week 5 of the Bachelorette and it seems to be Groundhog day. The same situations, the same conversations, and the same old issues are starting to wear on viewers. Gabby continues to stress out and Rachel still has no self-confidence. When will it end? When will the ladies work through their issues and grow up?

Understanding your wants and needs about having children is something you have clarity about before actively dating. Plus, Marni says don’t date someone who doesn’t share this value with you. This is something that can come back to bite you, no matter how much you think you made yourself clear.

Rachel & Her Career [18:20]

Rachel is a successful career woman. She actively brings up her career but in a weird way. When she asks Tyler, he says that he will happily stay at home with the kids and let her be the breadwinner. Chris feels like Tyler was just trying to be agreeable and maybe not sincere about his offer to take care of everything.

Marni wants to know why Rachel is seemingly strong and courageous but when it comes to being rejected or in doubt about a guy she falls into “I’m not good enough” and self-doubt. Where is her resilience and fortitude in personal situations? It may be because she focuses on what she doesn’t have and not what she has. It will take a toll on her dating life.

How Sexy Should a Date Be? [23:39]

The Bachelorette took the sexy too far with the armpit-smelling and whipped cream nipple scenes. It was so uncouth that Marni admits to fast-forwarding through the scenes. Tantric sex workshops and watching sexy movies are not good first dates. Sexy talk does not set a relationship up with its best foot forward.

Based on the language of the contestants on the show, it is unnecessary to call each other King or Queen when dating. Even though these terms bleed over from the ultra-romantic Latin culture, it doesn’t fit into everyday dating situations. Marni and Chris agree that King and Queen are now throwaway words and should carry more weight.

Are you happy with the man you are with or do you just like the attention?

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Takeaways from this episode:

Navigating relationship conflict
The downside of self-doubt
How sexy should a date be
Using King and Queen to describe a date
Genuinely loving the person you versus just liking the attention they give you

Bachelorette [3:25]

Rachel & Her Career [18:20]

How Sexy Should a Date Be? [23:39]

Are you happy with the man you are with or do you just like the attention?

Make a Connection:

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Sign Up For Our Ignite Your Life October 2022 Waitlist!
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
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Marni welcomes a certified Applied Neurology Practitioner who moves people out of pain, unwanted behavior, and stress response. Elisabeth Kristof is the founder of Brain-Based Wellness, an online platform that trains your nervous system and body to resolve old patterns, improve performance, and increase your well-being.

Takeaways from this episode:

Tools to regulate the nervous system
How to modify attachment styles
What a well-functioning nervous system looks like
How to respond instead of reacting

Regulating the Nervous System [2:03]

It is normal for humans to experience stress; by design, we are not supposed to be even-keel all the time. The problem comes when we get stuck in chronic states of stress and threat responses. It causes our nervous system to pump out hormones like cortisol and adrenaline which are not intended to be long-term solutions.

Too much stress for too long comprises the nervous system.

Elisabeth describes the different fear-stress responses our bodies go into and how they are translated into everyday life, including dating. These responses are reactive. We don’t consciously consider our actions during an extreme stress response. This can make us seem CRA. It triggers unhealthy love bonds we formed in childhood.

All behavior and attachment styles are survival-driven. This is how our brain keeps us healthy and safe.

A Well-Functioning Nervous System [16:42]

A well-functioning nervous system is able to modulate and change from different states. It should be able to accurately interpret real threats from a non-threatening situation. A well-functioning nervous system properly interprets threats, then produces an appropriate output.

A dysregulated nervous system keeps us stuck. It causes us to overeat, for our thoughts to be cloudy, and other drastic responses that don’t depict who we really are and what we really feel.

What does life look like when we are not constantly regulating our nervous systems to get back to baseline?

How Applied Neurology Reduces Stress [22:21]

Elisabeth practices Applied Neurology. Applied Neurology is the latest in brain science transformed into practical, actionable practices. It helps her clients take care of their operating systems by giving them good stimuli that create a new normal. She shares a practice we can do anywhere to help us regulate our nervous systems so we don’t react in a manner inconsistent with our personality.

Giving ourselves a positive stimulus for 3‒5 minutes helps the body discharge stress.

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Elisabeth Kristof’s Brain-Based Wellness

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Marni and Chris Gillis celebrate the best dating and relationship tips gleaned from the finale of Love Island and the new Bachelorette. If you haven’t finished bingeing on Love Island yet, you will hear some spoilers.

Dating takeaways from this episode:

Overcoming relationship challenges
Repairing trust
Building connections
The issues that come from taking things personally
Becoming rejection-proof

Love Island Recap

Spoiler Alert — If you are still watching Love Island episodes on Hulu, skip ahead to the Bachelorette recap!

One of the reasons Marni likes Love Island is that for eight weeks the couples get a chance to build connections, resolve conflicts, repair trust, and set boundaries. Few other reality shows allow couples to have this extended time together and it mirrors what we all might experience in real-life dating.

The last few episodes highlight how struggles or bumps in the road can bring couples closer together. It is how they navigate the conflict and resolve it that allows for a stronger bond on the other side.

Tasha and Andrew were great examples of the transformation that can happen when couples are there for each other. Tasha no longer pines for external validation because Andrew fought for her.

When dating you will encounter people who judge your choices. Having healthy boundaries and trusting your gut can help you through.

The Bachelorette

Fortunately, The Bachelorette updated the show’s format, which makes it watchable again. Marni and Chris discuss the major differences between Gabby and Rachel. Marni points out that Gabby has obviously been doing personal development work yet both ladies are leaking a bit. Chris reminds us that no matter what happened in the past it is important to hang in there and never give up.

Personal development work helps all aspects of life including dating and relationships.

This season reminds us how important it is to give a new relationship some space. If we are always trying to rule a guy out we may be missing out on a high-quality guy.

Make a Connection:

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Sign Up For Our Ignite Your Life October 2022 Waitlist!
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Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

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Dating takeaways from this episode:

Overcoming relationship challenges
Repairing trust
Building connections
The issues that come from taking things personally
Becoming rejection-proof

Love Island Recap

Spoiler Alert — If you are still watching Love Island episodes on Hulu, skip ahead to the Bachelorette recap!

Tasha and Andrew were great examples of the transformation that can happen when couples are there for each other. Tasha no longer pines for external validation because Andrew fought for her.

When dating you will encounter people who judge your choices. Having healthy boundaries and trusting your gut can help you through.

The Bachelorette

Personal development work helps all aspects of life including dating and relationships.

This season reminds us how important it is to give a new relationship some space. If we are always trying to rule a guy out we may be missing out on a high-quality guy.

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website
Sign Up For Our Ignite Your Life October 2022 Waitlist!
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
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Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

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Marni and Chris Gillis are celebrating 2 million downloads of Life Check Yourself! During the conversation, they reflect on some of the biggest hot takes and lessons derived from the amazing episodes of Love Island, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Love on the Spectrum, and other reality dating shows.

Dating takeaways from this episode:

Doing the inside work to find your authentic self
How judging others creates a love shield
Finding joy amidst the chaos
Balancing feminine and masculine energy
The power of vulnerability

Build a Dating Strategy From the Inside Out [2:24]

Some people believe that what they don’t have is what is keeping them from finding a partner but no matter how beautiful and successful someone is if they don't have core foundational self-worth they will not be able to attract the right person for the long-term. One thing the reality shows teach us is that beautiful people still really struggle.

When we listen to our critical inner voice it can steer us into uncertain territory.

Many women think they need to play a game or pretzel themselves into being someone that guys want when real attractiveness is just being yourself. It’s an inside job.

Reveal, Release, Rejuvenate, and Resource [12:17]

Healing the unconscious part of ourselves by rewiring our neural pathways allows us to release our perceived limitations and express our authentic selves. When we continue to resource our groundedness and sense of self, we become in tune with our inner knowing.

The False Protection of a Love Shield [20:57]

Marni reminds us that our brains want to protect us from being hurt but it is just an illusion of safety. Every day even in a good relationship won’t be butterflies and rainbows. There are real concrete skills to having a successful, fulfilling relationship.

It is possible to share all the love in your heart with another person.

Being Vulnerable to Create Connection [20:57]

Being vulnerable is a keystone of connection. Vulnerability is not just sharing a sad story. It is about being honest with yourself and sharing your truth with others EVEN when you don’t know how it will be received by others.

When we are rejection-proof we have the energy of attraction.

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Marni welcomes credentialed Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Speaker, Personal Empowerment Expert, and Podcaster, Amy Green Smith to the show. Through her work, Amy helps move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth. She helps people find their voice in her guide, How to Find Your Voice Without Being a Dick. She is highly sought out because of her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor.

Dating takeaways from this episode:

How to stop yourself from people-pleasing
Finding your voice and your truth
Direct communication skills
How women can speak up for themselves
Change the trajectory of your life

Finding Your Voice [1:56]

Amy says if we look at our biological makeup we are programmed to people-please in order to survive. Most of us have heard of the flight, fight, freeze, and fawn instincts. People-pleasing fits into the fawn defense. Fitting in is a fundamental human need because our ancestors needed a group to stay safe and survive. In modern times, it doesn't seem to make sense, but from childhood, we learn that people-pleasing is a safe behavioral tactic.

Finding our voice requires more than a quick fix. Amy says we must incorporate new patterns and habits to make the necessary wiring changes to our brains before we can experience true transformation.

Becoming aware that you are people-pleasing is the first step to finding your voice, but more importantly, you must take action to make a change.

How to Speak Up for Yourself Without Being A D*ck [14:03]

Amy reminds us that we cannot make someone feel something. 93% of our communication with another person is paraverbal and nonverbal, which leaves only 3% being the actual words we use. Heightening our emotional intelligence is the path forward when speaking up for ourselves. We must learn to be OK with someone else feeling something different than what we feel.

You are responsible for your intention, not your reception.

When we speak out of malice, are more combative, or we people-please, we are reacting to a sense of threat. We feel like we are in danger so we revert to what we feel will keep us safe. We must be sure we are in a safe situation; then we can be clear about our truth.

Hypnotherapy [29:49]

As part of her personal empowerment work, Amy uses hypnotherapy to reprogram the limiting inner critic most of us have. Slowing down our brain waves allows us to embed new belief systems that better serve us.

Make a Connection:

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Amy Green Smith
Free-Sources from Amy Green Smith

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Is your heart telling you to say YES instead of maybe, while your brain is putting on the brakes? Marni welcomes the inspirational Ken Bechtel into the Life Check Yourself studio. Ken is a podcast host and is the author of the recently released book, Follow Your YES. In his book and his program, Ken provides people with guidance on how to build confidence and eliminate overwhelm across all areas of their lives.

Dating takeaways from this episode:

The true meaning of maybe
How to listen to our hearts
Failures are our friends
How to draw the right people to us

Your YES Comes from the Heart

Ken felt drawn to the message of Following Your YES when he realized that people weren’t setting themselves up to win. He felt compelled to write a book about it to help people lead their lives with it instead of getting around to it when there was time and space. There are a whole host of things that try to keep people from following their YES and he said enough is enough!

Ken believes YESes are like stepping stones. The trick is you won’t know what the next yes is until you take the first one. We can never know what is going to happen before it all starts.

So many people are frozen because they have fear of the unknown and too many what-ifs.

To identify our YES, Ken says we can’t think into it. Our YES is a feeling. It is not intellectual. It comes from our hearts. It is our divine guidance. And, who has a better view of what is possible, us or the divine? It sees the big picture.

Our brains are hardwired to fear the unknown because it only focuses on survival. If we haven’t done something yet, it wants to keep us from danger and effectively keeps us from taking the next step.

Missteps Are Our Friends

In his book, Follow Your YES, Ken has what looks to be a crazy acronym but is some great advice. YDKWYWUYKWYW stands for you don’t know what you want until you know what you don’t want. What Ken means by this is that knowing what we don’t want helps us know what we do want. It is an invitation to narrow things down and refine our targets.

Missteps and failures are our friends. They are helpful when refining our targets.

When we are following our YES, living our best life, and listening to our hearts, we become a radio station that broadcasts our favorite music. Other people on the same wavelength pick up on our signal and it leads them to us.

The Key to Getting Unstuck

Ken says the key to getting unstuck so we can follow our YESes with confidence starts with making a list of our maybes. A maybe is something you think you want but figure it will happen eventually. The next step is the big one and that is to put all of your energy into things that are YESes right now!

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Marni welcomes two young women who are close to her heart to assist in Chris Gillis’ absence. Her daughters Rayna and Kloey Battista add their perspectives to the real-life dating examples dished up on this season of Love Island.

Dating takeaways from this episode:

Is it OK to explore others while dating someone else?
Collecting data on a first date without it being an interview
Being present and vulnerable in a relationship
Recognizing yellow and red flags
Approaching dating with emotional intelligence

The Love Island Plot Twist [4:44] In the middle of the season, the producers wait until everyone is coupled up and then send the women off to meet a set of new guys and the guys become introduced to other women. It caused a ton of drama and good dating lessons.

Tasha and Andrew have been paired together for four weeks. Andrew seems enamored by Tasha, but he tries to be chill. Tasha tells Andrew he is her person yet tells other guys that she is open and willing to get to know them.

Marni asks Kloey and Rayna how this relates to dating in real-life. Is Tasha being on the level?

Kloey — The most important thing in life is that your actions and words have to match up. So, Tasha is dating with dignity.
Rayna — There are feelings and pressure in the Villa, which is different from dating in real life. There was a double standard presented in the last few episodes. Andrew and Tasha aren’t judged the same.

Andrew has girls telling him he is being screwed over so he acts vengefully. They were just trying to get him interested in them. They were gaslighting to some extent and he fell into the trap.

Remember ladies — It’s OK to date multiple people and you don’t need to tell the other people unless they ask.

Dating Lessons from Paige & Jacques [15:44]

Kloey says she finds the relationship between Paige and Jacques interesting because Paige says she doesn’t have time to train a man but then talks about the chemistry and connection they have. Jacques has shown yellow and red flags when he manipulates Paige. In real life, if Jacques would leave the villa without fighting for Paige, he doesn’t deserve her.

Rayna thinks he could have made up for leaving but he immediately went on the defensive. It seemed as if he tried to make her believe it was her fault. Jacques’ note was kind but it didn't seem genuine. Rayna found it disrespectful. Why should Paige wait for him?

Marni had a different reaction. She suggests that Jacques may have realized he was rude to Billy and needed to get out of there to cope with his feelings. Maybe Jacques has never let himself be vulnerable? Marni thinks he may love Paige but he is a child and can’t manage his emotions.

Does Danica Have an Agenda? [22:22]

Marni and the ladies dissect the super attractive, smart, professional, big-hearted, and direct girl who is Daneeka. Daneeka hasn’t been able to make a solid connection with any of her guys. She has an interview-style approach to first dates. Marni asks the ladies why she isn’t connecting.

Rayna — Danica is gracefully shouldering rejection. Maybe she isn’t ready for her next relationship because she isn’t over her old one?
Kloey — It is important to be vulnerable. She seems too focused on getting certain answers than on being present with her dates.

On first dates, it is possible to navigate collecting data to make a connection without it seeming like an interview.

Marni says Danica is trying to fit the guys she dates into the role she already has planned for them. Which can be a turn-off and limit true vulnerability.

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Marni welcomes the best-selling author of Project Everlasting and founder of the revolutionary Manifest Your Man program, Mat Boggs into the Life Check Yourself studio. Mat has been helping millions of people around the world attract love and have fun finding fulfilling relationships. He is a sought-after dating and relationship expert. He's been featured on the Today Show, CNN, Headline News, and Oprah & Friends.

Dating takeaways from this episode:

Identifying a shared vision with the Magic Wand question
What Mat means by Rehearse, Nurse, and Curse
Overcoming your limiting beliefs
Your history does not determine your destiny
Rejection is just a step closer to what you want

Intention Vs. Impact

A human’s purpose on this planet is to learn how to give and receive love. Growth comes when we make mistakes and change the actions we take in the future. One of the best ways we can grow is to ask others for feedback. In Mat’s case, his goal was to write a book people absolutely loved or didn't. When he enlisted Beta Readers, the readers who didn't like his book at first, gave him better feedback about how he could make the book better.

Mat says there is a difference between intention and impact. And he uses this lesson over and over again. If you know someone’s heart is in the right place, but something they do creates a negative outcome for you, it is important to have a ten-minute sweaty-palmed conversation to clear the air without attacking the other person.

Do not take things personally because, often, people don’t do things with bad intentions.

Labels & Overcoming Limitations

We all use labels because they fast-track conversations and help people identify us better. Another reason is that some people want to commiserate and want attention.

If we get too attached to our labels, the label can then turn into our identity.

Mat reminds us that where our intention goes, energy flows. Research rooted in neuroscience shows that our brains make connections based on repetition. The more we label ourselves as “something” we will eventually start to identify with that label.

If we can put more attention on where we are going and where we want to be, it is much easier to overcome the place we have been when we focus on where we want to be.

Rise above the old definition of you and create something beautiful for your life.

Four Questions to Manifest a Loving Relationship Now!

A person’s ability to manifest what they want comes down to their ability to be clear about what they want, understand what may be holding them back and the actions they need to take to get what they want, and accept their desires once they achieve them.

Mat offers four high-quality questions to ask yourself once you become clear about what you want. They are:

Fear — What have you been resisting about opening your heart and having a relationship?
Accept — What do you need to face about the situation to make peace?
Choice — What choice could I make to move in that direction?
Take Action — What actions do you need to take to move you forward?

Your history does not determine your destiny.

To figure out if you and a guy have a common vision about relationships, there is a magic wand question you can ask during a date. The question is — If you had a magic wand, what would you create for your love life?

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Marni and Chris Gillis are back to fish out all the best real-life dating lessons from the watery depths of Love Island. The show pairs up singles and then injects new, hot singles into the mix every so often just to keep things juicy. The love lessons in this surreal show may not be readily apparent to the naked eye, but Marni and Chris know just where to look.

Dating takeaways from this episode:

Dating more than one person at a time
Expressing vulnerability and commitment
Why the experiment doesn’t paint a clear picture of what is possible in early dating
When you should be cautiously optimistic

Should We Play the Field [3:05]

When Marni and her team coach clients, creating a funnel and dating multiple people is promoted. Of course, until they figure out who their best person is. On Love Island, they start to build connections and then they bring in new people.

Marni finds herself conflicted. The contestants have core relationships but they are flirting or kissing the singles who were recently added. Should they be a tad more committed or are they doing the right thing by playing the field?

It's less about the number of dates and more about the quality. Does the other person have the same vision or values? Are they looking for the same things?

Casa Amor * Spoiler Alert [12:21]

If you haven’t seen the Casa Amor episode yet, don’t read this part. Regarding Andrew and Tasha; Andrew was working hard to make Tasha feel loved and safe because she is insecure. He obviously likes her a lot. The other guys are saying he is getting played, but Marni doesn’t see it. When new girls, aka B-team, are introduced, they also reinforce the idea that Tasha has been treating Andrew poorly because she is talking to other guys. He starts dating someone else right away.

We all want to feel special. Are you making your partner feel special?

Casting Their Lines [19:29]

Marni and Chris discuss the cast and how they seem to be unable to get vulnerable and express what they like to each other. Plus, they note that the Casa Amor is a tough experiment to gauge a relationship on because contestants didn’t get a chance to create a solid foundation beforehand. Most of them stayed in cautiously optimistic mode and no one really clarified their feelings for another person.

When a guy says he is really interested in you and his words and actions match, be cautiously optimistic. Because everyone can say that you are everything they want, but true compatibility is proven sustainable over time.

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Marni welcomes Shoshana, a graduate of The 5 KEYS to Becoming Irresistible program, into the studio to share the amazing relationship journey she has had since she invested in herself and the course. She credits the course for the major mindset shifts and healed relationships she has had in the last three years.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Investing in yourself pays off
The benefits of being clear about what you want
Being empowered to ask for what you want
Using the relationship tools in real life

The Big Payoff

Before investing in the 5 KEYS program, Shoshana says she was a butterfly who kept telling herself she wanted a relationship but wasn’t taking the necessary actions to be ready for one. The one phrase that stuck out to her during the course was:

The common denominator in all of your relationships is you.

The phrase really impacted her. She had never thought about how she was showing up in the world when it came to intimate relationships or what her view of partnerships was before then.

The course made her recognize her avoidant tactics. They were:

She didn’t take dating seriously
She would quickly get intimate with men she didn’t really know
She never expressed her needs
She wasn’t clear about what she wanted from a relationship

At first, she was hesitant to pay for a course for something she thought she should already know how to do but she had to let go of the shame. She realized she had to humble herself to ask for help.

As it turns out, the program filtered into her entire life. It empowered her to have a better life on her terms.

What Was Different About Dating

Shoshana was on the beach with her family on the 4th of July. She met a guy who was at a nearby party and it turns out they had many things in common. They hit it off and stayed together chatting on the beach long after everyone else left.

During the early days of her relationship, Shoshana had the courage to tell her guy that if she slept with him too soon she would become insecure. She reveals that having the courage to say that to someone, to date at her own pace, and tell the person why she didn’t want to sleep with them yet was super empowering.

Knowing your non-negotiables allows you to have the relationship you have always wanted.

Empowering Tools Not Rules

Shoshana says she realized that it wasn’t about trying to win someone over and get them to be in a relationship with her. It was about what she wanted and her non-negotiables. In this relationship, they both acknowledged their attraction to each other and talked about how they were showing up in the initial dating process.

You don’t have to make it work with everyone you date, and you probably don’t want to.

She is now living with her French boyfriend who lives in the U.S. They travel together frequently.

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Marni welcomes the CEO of Marriage Helper and Host of the podcast, It Starts with Attraction, Kimberly Beam Holmes to the Life Check Yourself studio. Kimberly has a Master's in Psychology and for over 10 years she has been researching the ways attraction affects people personally and the relationships they hold near and dear to their hearts.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to dig deep into another person through curiosity
The Love Path method
Be compassionate before you rule a guy out
How to reignite the attraction of a spouse or significant other

The Phases of Falling and Staying in Love [2:43]

Most people don’t know that there is a process to falling in love. They often think it is just chemistry or a pre-destined soulmate but in reality, any two people who follow Kimberly's process will fall in love. On the flip side of that, if a couple steps away from the process they could start falling out of love.

At Marriage Helper, Kimberly’s team helps couples fall back in love. The Love Path method is researched-based and time-tested. There are four steps in the Love Path:

P.I.E.S. Attraction
Acceptance
Attachment
Aspiration

The more people focus on body appearance the more their self-worth decreases.

Trust is paramount in a relationship. We can’t break down our protective walls until we know that another person loves us for who we truly are. We all need to be accepted for our true selves.

Long-term relationships are made up of people who share visions, aspirations, and goals for their future together. When we start dating we tend to have shared goals but after time as we achieve our goals, many couples get bogged down in careers, kids, and chores.

Life can pull us apart if we are not intentional about keeping our relationship together.

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Kimberly’s Marriage Helper Website

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Marni welcomes Sex and Relationship Coach Melanie Curtin into the Life Check Yourself studio. Melanie is a writer with a Master’s from Stanford. She has been featured on the Today show, New York Observer, and she hosts the Dear Men Podcast: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex
Can chemistry be created when none exists
Tips for speaking up about what feels good
Where most men get their sexual training and why it’s bad for women

Research Says To Have Better Sex… [1:06]

Melanie started collecting data about feelings and communication with surveys embedded in her articles. She wanted to hear from other women about their sexual experiences with men, specifically if they had ever broken up with a man because of the sex.

Many of the women she surveyed said yes they did break up with men because of the sex. When asked if they offered feedback to the men they broke up with they said no, they were afraid to give men feedback.

There are four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex. Melanie shares three:

They are afraid they will be attacked or shamed.
The man will withdraw and leave.
The man will compare them to another woman.

Consider feedback as an opportunity to make an adjustment rather than to take it personally. Many men feel that they should already know what they are doing. But, men are also getting most of their sexual examples from porn and porn is severely inaccurate when it comes to the time it takes a woman to achieve arousal.

It can take women over three times longer to reach full physiological arousal than men.

Can Chemistry in a Relationship Be Created? [29:28]

Melanie works with a lot of men. She says, in our culture, many men don’t show up in their full vitality and are disconnected from their power. If there isn’t chemistry at first kiss Melanie says to make sure you are fully in your feminine first and then try again. She doesn’t have a strong opinion either way on whether women should give it a second chance.

How a Woman Can Tell a Man What Feels Good [36:36]

Melanie offers up two ways women can help guide men into having a better sexual experience for both partners.

Mention what works for you aka positive reinforcement.
Let men say what works for them and ask them what their favorite part of sex was.

Figuring out your partner and how they get turned on is an act of love.

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Melanie Curtin Website & Please Her in Bed

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Marni welcomes fellow podcast dating host Amber Grubenmann to the Life Check Yourself studio. Amber is the creator of the highly-rated Women’s Dating and Confidence Podcast plus she helps ladies go from just dating to exclusive through her coaching programs.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why women have sex before they are ready
Tips for creating a long-term, meaningful relationship
Exploring your inner sexiness
Men’s expectations around sex

Set the Stage for the Type of Relationship You Want [1:50]

Amber shares some of the most common comments she hears from the women she works with about their mindset around why they have had sex early in a relationship or when they may not be ready:

If he has sex with me it means he likes me.
I need to show him how good it is.
If he doesn’t get it from me, he’s going to get it from someone else.
I need to see if we are sexually compatible.
If I don’t have sex with him, I will disappoint him.

Amber tells her clients that if they want to go from dating to exclusive, to introduce sex once they feel confident and secure in a relationship.

There are things you can do in dating that increase the probability of a certain type of relationship.

How to Cultivate the Right Mindset [10:28]

Relationships are a human need and men really want them. Taking the time in the early stages of a relationship to see if a man has the emotional qualities you are looking for will give you the opportunity to explore the sexual connection.

Clarifying your intentions can make the relationship road smoother throughout the entire journey. So explore the person you are dating through conversation. If a relationship starts to feel amazing and you don’t have the conversation, the guy may not be on the same page.

To get what you want, you have to talk about it and ask for it.

Bringing Sexy Back [18:02]

Everyone wants to feel sexy. But, often we have things that hold us back from feeling fully into our sexuality. Amber offers some tips women can use to get comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality.

Have a self-pleasure practice to learn what you like and what turns you on.
Consider what are the factors that allow you to enhance or disrupt your feeling sexual? What factors allow your nervous system to relax?

Inner sexiness is unconditional and different for all of us.

Many women believe that men have certain expectations around sex because some have felt the pressure to have sex at some point in their lives. But, sex will never create security in a connection. So, if you are looking for a long-term commitment, leading with sex doesn’t give you the emotional security you need for long-term happiness.

If you want a meaningful relationship, don’t treat it casually.

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Women’s Dating And Confidence Podcast

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Marni and Chris are joined by Reality Rayna aka Marni’s daughter Rayna Battista to recap Love on the Spectrum, a reality dating show with neurodiverse contestants. This is Chris’s favorite reality dating show because the daters are obsessed with the truth and are authentic. Marni says neurotypical daters do the same things but it’s all happening on the inside.

Key takeaways from this episode:

The beauty of honesty in relationships
How to be coachable
Finding something fun to do for a first date
Not taking things personally

Dani & Solomon [4:26]

Dani has her own business, loves animation, and is dead set on finding someone. She holds high standards for herself and others. She is high-functioning on the autism scale. She says she wants a business partner, lover, and best friend!

Solomon is attractive, into spirituality, and also high-functioning on the autism scale. On their first date, Dani & Solomon have crazy physical chemistry. They kiss a lot! But it throws Dani off. She wasn’t prepared for so much physical attraction. She got overwhelmed.

Dani exhibits every inner feeling of any woman going on a date with a hot guy. But she has no inner monologue, so she says to Solomon “You are so hot. I love you” and, “I think you are my person” on their first two dates. Then after date number two, she puts on the brakes. She may have sabotaged the relationship and put her guard up because it was too much, too fast.

We sabotage great possibilities because we get emotionally attached and scared. It’s a protective mechanism. We need to get clear about what we really want.

Next, Dani goes on a date with Adan. He seems to be everything she is looking for but she doesn’t find him attractive.

Subodh, Abbey, Rachel, & David [17:58]

A giant dating lesson from these dates is that dinner is not the best way to get to know another person. Subodh and Abbey went on really fun dates. They both love animals so they went to the zoo. They both enjoyed themselves and it got them out of their comfort zones in a nice way.

Also, the couples used a basic communication style which is what creates connection. Sure, Abbey got nervous when she went out with David because we all get nervous on a date when sharing things about ourselves.

Just because you are neurotypical, doesn’t mean you are supposed to know how to make connections and create intimacy.

A great example of how not to take things personally is when David asks Abbey for some of the candy he brought her and she tells him no. He says “OK. It’s probably not good for me anyway.” Abbey knows how to say no at the moment which is monumental for not feeling resentment later.

Breaking Up with Dignity and Respect [28:58]

A high-quality person will communicate even when it is bad news. For example, Dani knows it is going to hurt Solomon’s feelings when she tells him she isn’t interested in dating him again. It is hard for her to do but she respects him enough to tell him.

It is important to be forthright and treat your date the way you want to be treated.

Another example is after the medieval date, James asks Emma if she wants to go out on another date and she says “No. I think we should just be friends.” It is so brave. There are no excuses, only truth.

When you don’t say what you feel. You are assuming the other person can’t handle the truth. It’s disrespectful.

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Marni speaks to a 5 Keys to Becoming Irresistible program graduate about how she found the love of her life in her 40s. After finishing the program, Naomi met her fiance and soon-to-be father of her child on a dating app. She shares what she was missing before joining the program, what she learned during the program, and how she applied the knowledge to meet the love of her life.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Don’t give up on your dreams.
All men are not the same.
Reach out for help when you have tried everything.
Stop sabotaging yourself.

Giving Up Without Putting Your Best Self Out There [2:11]

Naomi remembers she was 43 and in a rough place. She had been in a long-term relationship that couldn’t last. She got really attached to a guy she had only dated for a week. She knows she wanted kids but her biological clock was ticking. She was even trying to get pregnant on her own with some of the guys she dated.

When you realize you are starting to accept that you may not be able to achieve your dreams, that's when it's time to double down.

Be All You Can Be [6:28]

Naomi had looked online but what drew her to the 5 Keys to Becoming Irresistible program was the vibe that this program was going to be about how she could be the best person she could be to draw in the right person at the right time. She wanted to be in the right headspace to navigate a solid relationship.

There comes a time when you are the common denominator.

During the program, Naomi found the narrowing down of the qualities she was truly looking for super helpful and how to get vulnerable during the dating process. She even got help from Helen, so she could text just the right thing after the program ended.

Biggest Takeaways from the Program [28:48]

Naomi says she may have missed out on THE guy if you generalize all men as the same. Her advice for other ladies who may be ready to give up:

Have an open mind.
Don't make excuses.
Don’t want something so badly that you try to make someone something they are not.
Be brave enough to wait for the right person.

Her biggest takeaways from the 5 Keys program:

She has a greater sense of who she is.
She gained clarity about what she wanted.
She put herself in situations where she would meet more people.

Make a Connection:

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Marni speaks to the founder of Ordinary Sherpa, Heidi Dusek. Heidi is known as a catalyst, healthy disruptor, and unshakable optimist. She is passionate about challenging the status quo, driving change, and designing experiences. Her forthcoming book, Beyond Normal, inspires families to create authentic travel experiences through meaningful UN-tourism. Listen in to see how she is designing a life of meaningful experiences that inspire joy.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Challenge the status quo
Create meaningful experiences
Traveling differently — UN-tourism
Simple is better
How to say yes!

Challenge the Status Quo

The pandemic felt like the universe decided to challenge the status quo. It changed everyone in the world’s life. This means that right now we have a unique opportunity to grab onto a new normal that better serves us. And, with more and more companies offering positions for virtual work, we no longer need to orient our lives around where we work. It is a freedom past generations didn't have.

Heidi has long pondered the concept of work-life balance. She recognized that there is no such thing, work is part of life. She decided only to have things in her life that made her joyful. Joy was her North Star. She recommends writing the narrative of what you want your life to be and then designing your new life around that narrative. Heidi's mantra is “I want every day to feel like vacation.”

Highlight the joy of life and get a bit uncomfortable challenging your status quo.

UN-Tourism: Travel Differently

Adventure is about finding out about new places other travelers haven’t discovered before. Heidi recalls a story of a small diner that never would have been on her radar if the gas station attendant had not recommended it. Her family loved it and it didn’t cost a fortune to feed a family of five.

All types of travelers can create a meaningful life on any type of budget. It normally doesn’t take as much planning as we think it does. Scale it back to the basics and relish in your relationships instead of high-priced adventures. It can be less about what you are doing and more about enjoying the journey and getting through the rough spots.

What do you really want out of your life?

Simple Adventures Can Be Worth More

Heidi made a conscious decision to create a “Year of Yes.” Every time she had an opportunity she challenged herself to say yes. It’s a reminder that everyone has the power to change their story. You don’t need to make the giant, life-altering decisions, just change one thing that challenges you.

What if there is no tomorrow? Do it now!

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Ordinary Sherpa

Beyond Normal: A field guide to embrace adventure, explore the wilderness, and design an extraordinary life with kids

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Marni and Chris move on to dissect a new show, The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. The new series means a new group of 20-something couples but the same relationship issues. Does everyone who issued an ultimatum get their way? Was an ultimatum the best way to wash out the issues or is it just a manipulation tool?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Ultimatums can be pattern interrupters
Wherever you go, there you are
Defaulting to bad behaviors
Ultimatums are the opposite of dating with dignity

Manipulating Another Person to Get What You Want

It seems that all the contestants thought they would go on the show and then get their way. So, it begs the question, when we make an ultimatum, are we using manipulation as a tool to make the other person do what we want? Or, we are at our wit’s end and are tired of having our non-negotiables infringed upon?

Marni says it is unfortunate but people usually only make changes because they reach a pain point. Chris says some of the couples may be using the ultimatum as a pattern interrupter, an effort to make the other person aware of their patterns that cross a boundary.

If someone gives you an ultimatum is it based on a problem you have or is it about them?

People tend to think they can find someone better but later come to realize maybe they can not. The show highlights this. If the issue is to marry or not to marry, an ultimatum can take the “fantasy” or made-up “other person” out of the equation.

The Ultimatum Couples

The internet loves April after she tells Jake there is a reason why they are not working and it is total BS to acquiesce without solving the issue. Lauren and Nate talk about the baby in a side conversation. Loren accepts Nate’s proposal during the show but says they need therapy. Hunter doesn’t want anyone else to have Alexis. He seems to be more motivated by fear than love.

If a person gives IN to an ultimatum right away, the issue will likely resurface at some time during the relationship.

Marni reminds us that even if we find someone we believe to be perfect for us, we remain the same until we do the work. Wherever you go, there you are. If we have a problem that has run through all of our relationships, maybe it is time we take a cold hard look at ourselves.

Zay comes home drunk. Rae punches Zay. Zay goes to Shanique to find solace but Shanique calls him out. Zay thought Shanique would accept him no matter how awful he is but she doesn’t. Shanique realizes she needs a grown-up man like Randall.

Colby loves Madeline. They live together and have dogs together but after the ultimatum, she goes to Randall. Randall is obviously putting his best foot forward but he will not have sex with her. She gets validation and connection from the passion of physical touch so it forces her to deal with her stuff.

Off-camera Colby goes out to a club to pick up chicks so he could participate in the experiment. Marni loves the scene where Colby goes to meet up with Madeline and her friends and they all rage against him. They say everything you should never say to someone you love.

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Marni speaks with Sage, Coach, Veteran Business Strategist, and Thought Leader, Kalyn Wilson. Kalyn’s work experience includes influential non-profits, city government, part CEO, principal consultant, and Ph.D. candidate, and has cultivated talent management wins at Fortune 100 companies. Her life and career outlook are inspiring and thought-provoking. There are so many useful nuggets in this episode!

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to create your life on your terms
Managing time and timing
The power of waiting on inspiration
The new world of work
The key to flow

What Makes Kalyn So Special? [2:41]

Kalyn knows how to create the life of her dreams. She has always been an advisor. In her youth, her grandmother would let her know the family’s business if she could keep up during conversations. She learned the power of listening and how to quickly read people's facial expressions. Her gift was to be emotionally intelligent enough to know how to respond.

It may not always feel like it, she says but people around us are always paying attention and becoming inspired by our lives in ways we can not always measure.

Recognize your influence and leverage it for good.

How to Get the Life and Career You Deserve [5:34]

Expanding the definition of what is possible for ourselves and using our inner wisdom to know when to take action is how we can create a life we feel in alignment with. Timing makes the difference between us catching a moment or reacting to a moment. The pandemic made a lot of us feel as though we missed our moment a long time ago, but we didn’t. The time is now!

The management of time and timing is critical for success and wellbeing.

Kalyn believes that, for many people, it is the destination they focus on and not the journey they are on. If more people took the time to think about their life as a whole, as a journey they would make strategic decisions about who and where they want to be.

We are not machines. Everything needs rest and recovery. When we do not listen to our inner Self, our immune systems weaken and our bodies get stressed out with anxiety. We inherently know when to stop, we just need to trust our journey and do what is best for us.

Don’t wait too late. Amazing things happen when we listen to the timing of the universe.

The New World of Work [26:13]

The pandemic made working from home the best alternative for employers to keep their workforces producing. Now, they may be motivated to get people back into the office simply because they have so much money invested in the existing real estate. If you prefer working from home, tell employers the value they get from giving you what you want.

Sometimes we play savior in situations that are not worth being saved.

She reminds us that we are moving out of the post-industrial era and work is changing. Previously, corporations held the power to tell us at what pace work should change. In today’s world, talent has the leverage. Tap into what you love to do and where you love to do it. Collect the data, make the ask, and then make decisions about what best aligns with you.

Get clear about exactly what it is that keeps you feeling in control.
Be aware of what you want.
The key to flow is the willingness to balance wait and action.
Everything doesn’t need to be now, now, now.
True creatives wait for their inspiration. It comes with divine timing.
Have compassion for yourself.

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Kalyn Wilson

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Marni and Chris recap Season Two of Love is Blind. Be warned, Marni binge-watched the season and this episode contains spoilers. Shayne and Sal didn’t win at love but won plenty of female followers, Shaina is custom-made for The Bachelor, and Deepti deserves more than a man-child.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Overcoming mistakes in relationships
Acceptance and forgiveness
Why do people get wasted the night before their wedding?
How to be rejection-proof

When You Make a Mistake in a Relationship [2:11]

Marni points out that several incidents must have happened off-camera that are integral to the show and the end of the season seemed a bit disjointed because of it. There are pivotal moments when the couples who got married were able to let things go, forgive, and move on.

The biggest shock was when Shayne got wasted the day before his wedding. He truly showed his warts. If you are dating someone and a huge mistake is made, you must be able to accept their apology. Natalie hears the I’m sorry but she couldn’t seem to take in his love and his apology at her soul level. This may result in her building a wall and she may have a hard time opening up in the future. Shayne doesn’t know how to say sorry any other way.

Shayne seemed to see beyond Natalie’s flaws and to love and accept her for who she was. Natalie seemed like she had an idea of who Shayne was but when she figured out she couldn’t control him, she wanted out of the relationship. Shayne told her he wasn’t going to change who he was. He needed her to fight for them and it takes two.

Marni believes Natalie set a boundary to run if something like this ever happened. She was looking for reasons to rule Shayne out rather than in. Generally, when men are with someone like Natalie, they never feel good enough.

A lot of people need to make others wrong to feel good about themselves.

Sal & Mallory Breakup at the Altar [22:52]

Again, something must have happened behind the scenes with Sal and Mal that we didn’t get to see. Chris thinks Mallory was never as into Sal as much as she should have been. The internet disagrees with her. The ladies of the web find Sal endearing and romantic. He gave Mallory space which is refreshing.

Marni reminds us that we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. It could be possible that people who offer us pure love and attention scare us because we don’t know how to accept love and kindness.

Some women create drama where there doesn’t need to be any because they don’t feel worthy of love.

Shake & Deepti [29:43]

Shake did not feel worthy of Deepti, and he is probably right. Even his mother told him to do Deepti a favor and break it off. He is a real jerk on the reunion show. Marni thinks he is in the process of man-volving but isn’t far enough along in his journey to get over the rejection without being childish about it. Deepti deserves a better man.

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Marni speaks with the author of Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love, Jessica Baum. Jessica is the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, a practice that provides couples therapy, family counseling, and addiction therapy. She has worked with thousands of clients for over a decade. She helps clients make a meaningful connection with themselves so they can better understand how they relate to people in relationships.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Understanding an Anxious Attachment style
What it means to do “the work”
Being compassionate toward other people
Why your body is holding on to past trauma
Cultivating a great, deep love

How the Anxious Attachment Style Relates to Your Love Life [2:17]

Attachment styles are embedded patterns that get developed early in life. They get embedded in our nervous system. We repeat hurts from childhood in our adult relationships because it is the way we learned to adapt, connect, and survive. For anxious people, it comes with a lot of self-sacrifices.

Twenty-five percent of the population has an anxious attachment style. Secure people can feel anxiety in their relationships but people with an anxious attachment system tend to be hyperfocused on the external. They normally have a deep-seated abandonment wound. The way they survive is to make plans and keep things close. They may seem controlling but they are just trying to create calmness in their world.

People with an anxious attachment style are externally focused because they have trouble getting their own needs met.

Is It Intuition or a Past Trauma? [10:35]

When we are young and our hippocampus is not fully formed, we have implicit memory. When we are little we store sensations in our body. When sensations feel big, we know it is an old feeling that is resurfacing. Jessica reminds us that big sensations can be painful and cause us to lash out.

Awareness, compassion, and the right support can help us change behavior.

What are you doing to distract yourself from having real relationships?

Anxiously Attached: The Book [19:22]

A lot of couples go to Jessica when they are activated without understanding on a conscious level why they are acting the way they are. In her book, Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love, Jessica breaks down what is happening to the nervous system of both people in the relationship and describes what they can do to gain a better understanding of what is happening, and what the other person is feeling.

Jessica says that when we form adult relationships we internalize them and they become part of how we build our secure sense of self. It is through these experiences we learn how to self-regulate.

You can’t fake safety but you can cultivate it.

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Marni welcomes the newest member of the Institute of Living Courageously, Patricia Diesel to the podcast. Patricia is a speaker, author, professional organizer, and certified life coach, and she educates people on the benefits of being organized to restore tranquility and a sense of order. She has been featured in Cosmo, Women’s Day, PBS, and Good Morning America.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Getting rid of old beliefs about who we are
Understanding why we want to attract a partner
How to release things back into the universe
Coming clean to live an authentic life

Why We Need to Declutter [4:01]

When we are emotionally invested in our stuff, it is a reflection of our history and our story. That is why things can be difficult to part with. Patricia says that is why decluttering our homes and our minds can be very cathartic. Professional organizers are trained to ask the questions that individuals don’t ask of themselves. Whether or not we are talking about decluttering material things, we are still talking about the clutter that surrounds our emotions and our minds. We invite things into our lives but there is a time to release those things back into the universe to bring us closure and peace of mind.

Our things are a reflection of who we are.

Man Clutter [10:30]

Patricia says we are all a bit messy with some things consistently but, there are some who have chronic disorganization. Women who are always attracting Mr. Wrong are addicted to finding a man who is bad for them. Having bad man habits is akin to hoarding. If they are always with the guy who is bad for them, they are collecting feelings and emotions. Some have a hard time letting go of what is familiar, even if it is unhealthy because they find comfort in the memory.

Let go of your Man Clutter!

If we can get connected to who we really are, free from our unhealthy attachments, free from past experiences, and release our fear we can create a life based on the terms we set for ourselves.

How Removing Clutter Brings Peace and Stability [17:29]

As we begin to learn more about ourselves and we allow ourselves to feel, Patricia says, the process of decluttering becomes beautiful. It offers us a chance to redefine ourselves and to decide who it is that we want to show to the world.

The unhealthy attachment we have to stuff or to men means there is probably a childhood wound at the core of our intentions. Decluttering offers us a chance for us to get to the root of the problem which allows us to grow and heal.

Patricia cautions us to declutter and unpack with baby steps. She recommends locating an area that needs decluttering, considering the amount of time the small project needs, and prioritizing ourselves by truly showing up and getting to work.

When we talk about coming clean and living our authentic life, we need to look at the real reason we want a partner in our life. What is the real reason we are putting ourselves out there to meet people?

Don’t lose sight of the real reason we want to attract another person into our lives.

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Marni and Chris recap another episode of Season Two of Love is Blind. The couples are finally spending time together. They get 24-48 hours alone to see if the connections they made in the pods remain true. And, spoiler alert, love is not blind.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Being clear about what you want
Sabotaging a relationship because you are insecure
Looks are not everything
Core values are the most important thing in relationships

Masculine & Feminine Energy [2:03]

This episode of Love is Blind, kicks off with Mallory and Sal getting 48-hours alone to find out if their relationship has what it takes to survive an engagement. Mallory seems playful, feminine, and coy when interacting with Sal. But, when she speaks with Jarrette later in the show she drops into her masculine and sounds like a dude.

Chris says Mallory is walking around like a red flag by describing how different and deserving she is. He adds that it is probably a protective measure. Chris also notes that the outcome of the show is getting engaged, so Mallory's hitting on Jarrette can be construed as emotional cheating.

Does Mallory want to be everybody's bro or does she want to be the love interest?

Marni says that when we are left to our own devices, without accountability or self-awareness, many women sabotage relationships with great guys. It feels weird because a person is being nice to us and we don’t know what to do with it. Women unusually revert back to their familiar habits and go for the same old type of guy.

Looks Aren’t Everything: The Nerd Gets Insecure & Judgy [9:03]

In the pod portion of the show, hair and makeup must have been revved up because everyone looked like a jacked-up version of themselves. But in the most recent show, Deepti looked like a girl you would see at Walmart. There is nothing wrong with her naturalness which is why Shake wins the jerk of the year award.

Chris thinks Shake is desperate to leave his nerdy, chubby kid back in the past and wants to be super cool now that he has lost weight. He is insecure and feels not worthy so he judges others in the harsh light that others used to judge him.

Focusing on looks gets in the way of true love and intimacy because if you don't have shared values you will not have real, long-term chemistry with the person.

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Marni welcomes the hosts of the mental health podcast, A Little Help for Our Friends, Jaqueline Trumbull, and Kibby McMahon. Jaqueline is a member of Bachelor Nation, a Ph. D. student at Duke, who studies how interpersonal functioning is impacted by personality, and shame, and contempt. Kibby is a Clinical Psychologist and a Yogi whose passion is in helping people connect more deeply with themselves and others.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why we do what we do
Changing our narrative
Managing emotions
The importance of trying something new in dating
Applying a growth mindset to life

How Jaqueline & Kibby Came Together [5:01]

Jaqueline and Kibby met at Duke University. They discovered they had stimulating conversations together. Jaqueline had been on the Bachelor which created a bit of a social media following. The duo decided to create a podcast to use their power for good. The podcast, A Little Help for Our Friends, focused on the mental health sphere of people who were suffering collateral damage from mental health issues and personality disorders.

Why We Do What We Do [8:32]

The love we receive as a child becomes our narrative for what love should look like. It can create definitive schemas, which are the way we perceive ourselves in the world. It may be that we develop a schema that we don’t deserve love or that we are not important in a relationship. As we grow older and get into relationships, we attract people who make us feel like love made us feel when we were smaller. We stay in the pattern until we change it and we play out stories that don’t feel resolved.

The love you received as a child becomes your narrative for what love looks like in your life going forward.

Our identities are flexible and can change over time. We have a choice in the identity we want to take on. Some people are afraid of what change will look like for them. We can change without destabilizing ourselves.

Becoming Emotionally Bonded & Regulating Emotions [19:15]

Marni asks the co-hosts of A Little Help for Our Friends what contributes to our emotional bonding. At certain times in our lives, we may emotionally bond with people who fill certain needs even though they may not be suitable for long-term commitments. It’s important to ask ourselves what the relationship is serving. If it fills an unmet need from childhood it may not last.

Happiness and living a meaningful life are living in accordance with our values. But, to know our values we have to dig deep into what we want for ourselves. Emotions make us do things that may not be aligned with our values. Negative emotions aren't bad, they just direct us to do certain things.

Inaction is a choice.

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A Little Help for Our Friends

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Marni and Chris recap the third episode of Season Two of Love is Blind. The group finally leave the pods and head to Cancun to see if they are compatible face-to-face. Questions abound over the producers choice to make certain people disappear if the relationships they formed were not saucy or controversial enough.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Being a second choice isn’t necessarily a bad thing
Unless in a committed relationship it is OK to date other people
Wanting someone to change for you
The issues that are not worth breaking up over

Getting Together After He Tries Out the Other Girl [2:46]

In the episode, Jarret chooses between Mallory over Iyanna. Mallory flat out tells Jarret that she is not interested. She does it honestly and succinctly, which is how it should be. There should be no ghosting or ignoring text when telling a guy you are not interested.

Can a relationship work out if you know you were not the other person’s first choice?

Chris says we should all be dating other people before a commitment is made. That is how we get a clear understanding of what we like and what we don’t like. If we let our ego get in the way and take an initial rejection personally, we may miss out on a great opportunity.

When a guy says he likes someone else then shows up in your inbox a month or so later to reconnect, give him a second chance.

Looks Aren’t Everything [14:16]

Shaina tells Shayne she really likes him but Shayne says he likes Natalie. So, Shaina starts hanging with Kyle, who is a vegetarian. Shaina tells him if he wants to be with her he should eat meat. As soon as he eats meat, she leaves saying she is still attracted to Shayne.

When Natalie meets Shayne she quips that she thought he would be goofy. She obviously finds him physically appealing but something is a little off with their connection. Marni says she sees this all the time with her clients. They often want a guy to be who they want him to be so badly, that they continue to date him even if something is off.

Is an Issue Worth Breaking Up Over? [26:45]

In the episode another important point surrounding non-negotiables is brought up when Danielle is not happy that Nick uses organic toothpaste and homemade body wash. Should a personal choice be a deal breaker, or is it something that couples get used to?

Marni says people should spend more time ruling each other in, instead of ruling them out. Be curious about the other person and remember you have habits that someone else might find annoying. Would you want them not to date you because of them?

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Marni welcomes inspirational speaker, author, and esteemed member of the transformational leadership council, Kute Blackson, into the studio to discuss his latest book, The Magic of Surrender. Kute shares the transformational opportunity that appeared when his mother was diagnosed with a fatal illness and how his book sprung from his soul and onto the page.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Myths and misconceptions about surrender
Moving into alignment with the universe
Start telling yourself the truth about what you want
Overcome past conditioning about what you need from life

The Magic of Surrender [2:51]

In our culture today there is a common misconception about what surrender truly means. It often means giving up and had negative connotations. A myth is that when you surrender you get less but Kuke says it's the opposite. Surrender is the most powerful thing you can do. Surrender is the key to manifesting your wildest dreams.

To surrender is when we stop trying to force and manipulate life to fit into our limited idea of how we think life should be. Surrendering opens ourselves to the life that seeks to organically happen from our soul.

Release and let go of what is no longer authentic or aligned with you.

The Process of Surrendering [13:27]

Human beings lie to themselves to keep themselves safe. We stay in relationships we know are not right. We stay in jobs, friendships, and circumstances that we know compromise our integrity but they stay due to security.

A simple and practical place to begin surrendering is by telling the truth to ourselves about who we are, what we feel, and what we want. Kute says if we just start with the truth we will set ourselves free. Issues in our lives will start to dissolve as we live in our truth.

Ask yourself what you want more than anything else, what you are pretending you don’t know, and what is lying to yourself costing you.

Myths and Misconceptions about Surrender [23:11]

To overcome past programming and conditioning and to live in action without attachment, we need to ask ourselves what the universe, the divine, or our souls wish to express through us. And, when we align ourselves with the answer, our truth, then we begin moving into action without attachments and in flow.

Our motivation is aligned with our soul. That is what moves us forward. And, when we take action that is aligned with our soul we feel a level of peace. The universe gives us proof that we can trust life.

Work in alignment with your truth and listen to life’s feedback.

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Kute Blackson

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Marni and Chris discuss another episode of Love is Blind. This time it is The Love Triangle. The 30-something contestants are still in their pods, slowly working their way up to meeting IRL. A couple of couples have been born out of the show already, but will they last? When the contestants finally meet what indiscretions will come to light, and how will they be handled?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Do couples need to agree on everything?
Does physical attraction make or break a relationship?
How to integrate different backgrounds and cultures
Actions speak louder than words

Do We Need to Agree on the Big Topics to Be Together? [2:26]

When we gloss over things we don’t see eye-to-eye on, like religion, does it come back to haunt our relationships? When we are super attracted to another person, we can let our non-negotiables and deal breakers slide because we believe that love trumps everything else.

In this episode of Love is Blind Kyle and Shaina are discussing their differences around faith and religion. Kyle says he is a science guy who would likely mock Shaina if she chose to pray before dinner. She tells him she goes to church and has a strong faith. Marni points out that a common mistake is collecting data about a person and then convincing ourselves that differences can be worked through later.

Shaina says yes to becoming engaged to Kyle even after she discovers he doesn’t share her faith.

If you find yourself in this situation, don’t ignore the differences and discuss them in detail. Expectations about our non-negotiables should be concrete early in relationships. Ask questions until the subject is clear.

Deeper than Face Value [21:09]

During this episode, Shake is talking with Deepti. Shake admits to being overly focused on appearance but he has an epiphany after making a deep connection with Deepti that he now feels it is more about the connection and that they have shared interests and values. When they meet he discovers that she is hot and instantly grabs her and says he wants to make her pregnant. Marni can’t decide if she thinks this is weird or cute?

If you are dating someone from a different culture you need to decide upfront, as a couple, which parts of the culture you are going to embrace and which ones you are not going to embrace.

Like a Silent Movie [25:32]

Marni reminds us that like a silent movie, actions are more important than words. On the show, Shane makes a perfect example of someone who says one thing and then does something else. He asks Natalie to be his girlfriend but then flirts with Shaina. When Shaina (a hot mess in her own right) calls him out on it, Shane changes the subject and asks a mundane question such as ‘so, what are you wearing babe?’.

Chris asks what is so special about Shane that he has two girls falling all over him. No one can figure it out. Marni says she thinks he has a way of making the girls feel good about themselves but time will tell.

Do not fall into a love triangle.

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Marni welcomes Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, and Business Advisor, Fred Joyal to the Life Check Yourself mobile studio. Fred’s book, Superbold: From Under Confident to Charismatic in 90 Days is a step-by-step guide for having a successful and happy life. You will be inspired to embrace life after listening!

Key takeaways from this episode:

Boldness can be learned
Communication mistakes
Taking risks and action
How to be bold by default

What Does it Mean to Be Superbold? [2:10]

Confidence is how you feel. Boldness is what you do. A common misconception is that boldness is something we are born with. But, boldness can be learned much faster than most people think. Fred admits that he is an introvert and having fun and taking risks was not part of his life before figuring it all out. He says it can be part of everyone's life with very little effort.

Boldness is confidence in action.

Superbold is the ability to bring boldness and confidence to action when it matters most. If you are confident around co-workers, family, and friends but when it is crucial you exert boldness in a social situation you have a hard time speaking up or taking action.

The Power Tools of Boldness [6:59]

Actively listening to someone with no response planned makes a huge difference when making someone feel comfortable with you. Smiling and making eye contact will keep most people engaged with you, Fred says. People notice if there is an ulterior motive in a conversation and they are instantly repelled by it.

A Superbold power tool is going into a situation and being present for the experience itself without thinking about the outcome you want.

It's easy to project things on other people. It's better to find out who the person actually is without hoping they are the person of our dreams. Take your time and get to know someone. Fred says to be sure to say your exit line while you still have eye contact, not as you are turning and walking away. Turning too fast can transmit disinterest.

A conversation during a date doesn’t have to be a ping pong match.

Building the Boldness Muscle: The PRIDE Method [23:30]

Chasing your dreams should make you proud. In nursing homes, more seniors regret the stuff they didn’t try more than making bad decisions. That’s what is gnawing at them in their final days, actions they didn’t take.

The PRIDE Method:

Preparation — prepare what you are going to say

Relaxing — check in with your body and shed your anxiety

Insight — make the choice not to panic when something happens

Dosage — control the intensity of your experience

Everyday Action — do something bold every day

The great secret in life is — trying and failing feels almost as good as trying and succeeding.

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Fred Joyal

Superbold: From Under-Confident to Charismatic in 90 Days

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Marni and Chris Gillis are back analyzing another reality dating show. This season’s Love is Blind is on the discussion block in this episode. The Love is Blind experiment attempts to discover if we are able to love somebody without meeting them face-to-face?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Discovering your core values
Tacky online dating questions
Beauty is subjective
Don’t get emotionally invested too soon in the dating process
Date more than one person until you have ‘the’ conversation

Discovering Dealbreakers & Non-Negotiables [2:42]

Chris sets up the premise for Love is Blind. The fascinating element of the show is that people are in pods and only have the opportunity to listen to each other. They ask questions to build an avatar about who the other people are. Questions get deep swiftly, avoiding normal surface-level interactions.

Contestants seem to narrow down their five core values quickly proving that initial physical attraction isn't necessary. They end up realizing what they thought was important isn't and unexpected things become insanely attractive. Beauty is subjective.

The contestants on Love is Blind get clear about what they are looking for in a partner.

Tacky Online Dating Questions [7:29]

One girl, Tricia, seems hell-bent on letting everyone know how hot she is and she touts a large Instagram following. It is a great example of someone who looks good on paper but seems too concerned about her data. When she talks about it, it is unattractive and masculine. Marni says, like many women that go through her program, she probably has no idea how it comes across when dating.

Then there is Shane, who keeps asking Shaina what she is wearing. It is gross and unattractive. Shane oversexualizes most things when talking with someone. Sexuality doesn't play well in this environment.

Expectations in Early Dating [23:19]

By the end of the first episode, Shayne, Natalie, and Shaina are in a Love is Blind triangle. Marni extracts real-life dating lessons from the trifecta.

An important point to remember is that when we are at the beginning stages of dating no one owes anyone anything. A common mistake women make is getting overly optimistic instead of cautiously optimistic at the beginning of the dating process. If you like someone it isn’t pleasant to think that they might be dating someone else. People don't want to have ‘the’ conversation yet end up being blindsided when the other person breaks things off to be with another person.

Be honest about where you are in dating and have a conversation if you are unsure where the relationship stands.

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Marni welcomes the foremost expert in unhealthy love addiction, Sherry Gaba to the podcast. Sherry is a licensed psychotherapist, life coach, and author who helps women cope with codependency, love addiction, toxic relationships, and all the mental health issues that go with it. Sherry has been featured on VH1 Celebrity Rehab, CNN, Inside Edition, and in Cosmopolitan and the LA Times. Her podcast, The Love Fix focuses on key learnings from her book, Love Smacked.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Signs of love addiction and obsessive love
Three types of trauma bonding in relationships
Why we attract toxic relationships
How to break free from the cycle of love addiction
Being vulnerable to love bombers and predators

Am I Addicted to Love? [2:15]

Sherry shares the common signs and symptoms of love addiction. It is a lifestyle process addiction that has the same mood-altering effects as a physical addiction with withdrawal symptoms. If there is a break up it can feel as difficult as overcoming an addiction to drugs.

Many love addicts suffer from severe abandonment issues. They will turn themselves into a pretzel to do the bidding of the people they believe they love because they can't stand to be alone.

How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship? Sherry says the telltale signs are: If you are walking on eggshells, craving their attention and validation, giving up who you are to please them, or second-guessing yourself because of something they tell you. You need to resolve some childhood trauma.

Love-Bombing and Devaluing [8:14]

Sherry describes love bombing as over-the-top courting and lavish gift-giving. Someone who is love bombing you will say your relationship is fated and that you are soul mates. They want to suck you in right away.

The biggest hallmark of love bombers shows up when the other person tries to set a boundary and they won't have it. Someone who legitimately cares will respect your boundaries.

Codependent love addicts are prone to accepting a tsunami of affection because they need validation, and they want to be loved and needed. Sherry says we seek out people that fit into our unresolved childhood traumas.

Trauma Bonding & How to Have Healthy Relationships [22:18]

People get into toxic relationships for a myriad of reasons but a common theme is they feel bonded by trauma. The push and pull of the cycle of love-bombing can feel like trying to get a parent’s attention as a child. Sherry says there is no shame in feeling the way we do. The important thing is that we realize what is happening, get out of the relationship, and find a therapist to help us through our traumas.

To meet someone with a mature attachment style we need to be working toward our mature attraction style.

When we find ourselves in a relationship and a guy suddenly bows out, or doesn’t stay for the long term it could be because he realizes he can’t meet our unhealthy needs.

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Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love

Wake Up Recovery for Toxic Relationships, Codependency and Love Addiction

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Marni welcomes the woman CNBC calls the Millennial Therapist, Tess Brigham to the Life Check Yourself studio. Tess is an expert Psychotherapist, Life Coach, and Public Speaker. For over 10-years, Tess has specialized in helping 20-somethings discover their unique life path so they can make an impact.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Reduce anxiety and overwhelm for young adults
How Millennials and Gen Zers can carve their path to happiness
What parents shouldn’t tell their young adult children
Dating via social media and apps

How Recent Events Have Changed Young People [2:38]

Millennials find themselves in a different space. Many graduated college during the 2008-2009 recession and found themselves unable to afford a house when home prices righted themselves. They are in a tough predicament and some say they have given up trying to get ahead financially.

Gen Zers found themselves coming of age during the pandemic and missing some important milestones in life because the entire world closed down.

Tess believes that it is harder to be a young person today. With the hardest part being the overwhelm they feel. Many feel they must figure everything out and get it right, right now. They believe there is no time to waste when making life decisions. Much of this right here-right now thinking comes from the fast pace of technology, Tess says.

What can they do to get unstuck? — Tess asserts it starts with stopping for a second and taking a look at their life in the current moment. When they assess where they are and ask themselves what is working for them and what is not, it can help them to stop what they are doing and change directions.

Pick an area of life that is not working for you and explore what happens when you try something different. Chat with new people, and push the edges of your comfort zone.

Parents of Young Adults Can Reduce the Anxiety [13:20]

Parents can help their young adult children by letting them know it is okay to let go of the myths of time frames of what they assume they should be doing. Reassure them it is their life to do with what they will. And, there is no better time to start doing things that make them happy.

Young adults can relieve anxiety and overwhelm by:

Taking a break from social media.
Doing a life assessment.
Looking at life as an exploration.
Consider what they need more of to be happy.

Parents avoid asking your adult kids these questions:

Why are you still single?
Can you really afford xxx?

Many parents get stuck in the headspace that they are responsible for solving their kids' problems. Teach your children to solve their own problems, let them work out the things they are considering, and don't pressure them to make concrete decisions right now.

If you want to have a different relationship with your child, stop offering your two cents until they ask for it. Cultivate the relationship that makes them want to call you and talk about their lives.

Do Gen Zers’ Hook Up First & Date Later? [24:48]

Social media and dating apps are changing the dating game for young adults. No one uses the phone anymore. Many rely solely on texting to get to know another person, even when many are longing for deep, long-lasting relationships.

Tess says people are not meeting in real life as much as they should be. They use apps so much for relationships, they don't look up to consider people in the real world. Tess thinks millennials and Gen Zers’ are much more separated. Even though all of the interaction prepares them for relationships in life.

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Tess Brigham Coaching

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Marni welcomes Sally Maxwell into the studio. Sally is the VP of HG Life division, a senior coach, and has a B.A. in theater and in music. She lives her life on her own terms and is passionate about working with people to transform their lives using the Handel method. During this episode, Sally breaks down the HG principles in a direct and loving way and offers practical tips and actions to get you off autopilot.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to live your dreams
Connecting to joy
Getting measurable results
Design a tagline for your life

The Handel Method [2:57]

The Handel method is an innovative, straightforward coaching method that changes the lives of private and corporate clients for over 20-years. It is taught at MIT, Stanford, and 50 other educational programs. What makes it different is that it is specific and measurable. It is one of the only methods that incorporates spirituality with the take the action and do the thing philosophy. Combining the elements creates a cohesive transformational experience. It addresses all the aspects of humanity, Sally says.

The first thing clients do is write their dreams in twelve areas of life from the perspective of their higher self. Sally says that as we age we can forget how to dream because we only believe that whatever is possible is right in front of us. Clients are encouraged to tune out their negative inner dialogue and tell the truth about what they want.

Marni asks why it is so easy for people to get tunnel vision or be afraid to dream. Sally says we have different voices such as the Brat, (lower-self), the Chicken, the Weather Reporter.

Getting stuck in our lower selves is what gets in our way as human beings.

How to Connect to Joy [24:24]

The fastest way to get connected to joy is to think about the one thing we need to deal with that we put off then, create a specific and measurable promise about when we are going to do it. The driver is to give ourselves a self-imposed consequence if we don't do it or blow it off.

We are not connected to the long-term consequence of blowing off our dreams and that keeps us stuck.

Design a Tagline for Your Dreams [31:14]

Marni asks Sally what people can do when they are in the moment of breaking a promise to themselves. Sally says there are two immediate actions a person could take. They could break the promise to themselves and pay the consequence or design a tagline. A tagline is a marquee header for how a person relates to something. Give their dream a title.

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Take Sally’s Dating Quiz

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Marni, Man-alist Chris Gillis, and Dr. Emily recap the final episode of Season 26 of The Bachelor. Man-child Clayton ends up with Susie, even though she ultimately turned him down after finding out about his extracurricular activities. Gabby shows her emotional maturity as Rachel loses her eyelashes but both ladies will be Bachelorettes so everyone got what they wanted, or did they?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Trust yourself when dating
Being authentic

Clayton’s Yuck Factor is Exacerbated by His Lack of Empathy [1:26]

Chris points out that Clayton utilized the word salad bucket more than once during this episode. He blankly looks at all the ladies and says he has no regrets blah, blah, blah, and we all got our happy ending. Marni and Dr. Emily agree that it was a big cop-out and easier for him than actually having some empathy for the women he falsely proclaimed his love to.

When the girls shared their feelings and got vulnerable Clayton acted like he was bored to death. He quipped that he needed to follow his heart. He was non-specific and didn't seem to care what the ladies felt. He just wanted to get it over with.

Gabby's reaction to Clayton was more empowered because she was not attracted. She flat-out told Clayton that he sounded ridiculous. And, kudos to her because she did it without acting out or getting upset. Dr. Emily points out that Gabby didn't make the rejection about herself and she didn't take it personally, which shows emotional maturity.

The difference between mature love and immature love is that when someone is operating from their unmet needs it is akin to a child trying to date and create relationships with an adult body.

Immature Versus Mature Relationships [9:16]

Dr. Emily was so disgusted by Clayton’s lack of empathy she began googling the red flags of sociopaths. To tell all the ladies he slept with the other women and then to think that everything would be fine was outrageous. Marni believes Clayton to be no better than a 15-year-old boy in the emotional sense. He is a wannabe player.

Clayton seems to think that if he feels something he is allowed to act on it as he doesn’t have ill intent. It is overly simplistic. He didn't consider anyone else's feelings. Mature love takes everyone’s feelings into account.

Dr. Emily thinks he is just peeling back the first layer of what love is. Chris doesn't think Clayton is out there to hurt anybody but Marni says he is a man-child. She adds that she thinks he is not dumb, he is just super-selfish.

Love is about caring for another person and accepting responsibility.

Do We Love the Ones We Fight for More? [32:37]

Dr. Emily points out that easy relationships may seem boring to our brains. When the beginning of a relationship is dramatic or exciting it can be interpreted as chemistry by our brains. She says it is important to remember that if someone says they don’t want to be with us we have to respect it.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, let them go. Practice dignity with dating.

When someone breaks up with another, there can be one clarifying conversation. one conversation to let the other person explain how they feel or why they are not interested but no more. Don’t let things draw out because no good can come of it.

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Marni welcomes Master Certified Life Coach, Grief Expert, Widow, Mom, and Host of the Widowed Mom podcast, Krista St-Germain. Krista’s husband was killed by a drunk driver. When she finally emerged after therapy, she began working with clients to help them gain the tools to move forward and create a future they were excited about.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Forgiveness as a vehicle of healing
Processing grief
Self-care during grieving
Dating after a loss
Embracing feelings

A Widow’s Forgiveness [2:35]

Krista describes how she went from tragedy to living into her purpose. She says the first step was understanding that it was real. Her life changed in an instant. But, even through the trauma she says, a small part of her knew that it was possible to take the crappy cards she was dealt and deal herself some meaning in life.

She knew she had to step into forgiveness but it wasn’t easy. It took her a while to realize that the person who killed her husband was not in a good place or he wouldn’t have been on alcohol and drugs in the first place. She needed to forgive him before she could move forward.

There is a difference between forgiving someone so you can let go of the emotional weight and forgiving the person to make them feel better.

Processing Grief [9:05]

Marni asks Krista how she took care of herself during the grief and loss. Krista says, as children, we don't learn how to process our emotions. It's not taught in school and our parents don't know how to prepare us for this. A normal response is to get away or hide from grief but we can only use the avoidance behaviors for so long before we have to put the brakes on and embrace our feelings. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings is a big part of self-care.

Krista says she did a lot of things to distract herself after her husband died. She would eat a lot and go shopping to fill her time. She had to learn to feel her feelings and not resist them. You don't get to make the feelings go away. They are always there and they wait for you to be ready to deal with them.

Until you learn to process your feelings you waste energy trying to get away or hide from them.

One of the biggest feelings Krista spends time coaching her people through is when they want to be happy again. But when they start to feel happy again they judge themselves for it.

When to Start Dating After a Loss of a Spouse [16:41]

Some people start dating after a loss because they are trying to fill a void. For Krista, dating felt like a hassle. She didn't want to do it. She wanted to be whole, complete, amazing, and wonderful before she felt she could give to another person instead of grasping to get what she needed.

Research shows we are not happier partnered than not partnered.

Coming from a place of wholeness, no matter your situation, is the best approach to partnership. Feeling our feelings makes us fully alive. When we don't have the skills or the desire to be with all of our feelings, what often happens is we get stuck in a stagnant zone, we don't feel the highs or the lows. It keeps us from taking risks or leaning into new possibilities. We need to take risks to feel alive and to feel love.

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Coaching with Krista

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Marni, Chris, and Dr. Emily discuss the four-hour, two-part drama that was this past week’s The Bachelor. Clayton wants all the cake and Susie says he can’t have his cake and eat it too. Finding common ground about whether Clayton was being a jerk or was justified in his actions is a slippery slope as you will hear in this in-depth Bachelor breakdown.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Defining gaslighting
Setting clear expectations and boundaries
Dating with dignity
Taking responsibility for your actions

Sex & Love [1:31]

First, Hey Internet — Gaslighting is not what you think it is! Dr. Emily defines gaslighting as intentionally lying to make someone feel like they are crazy. Clayton was not gaslighting when he reacted to Susie’s confrontation, he may have been withholding information but that is not gaslighting.

Backstory if you missed the episode, Clayton tells two women he loves them. He also had physical relations with Rachel and Gabby. Susie confronts him saying that if he is having sex with other people then she’s out. She obviously doesn’t think he shares her values around sex and love. In her mind, why would Clayton have sex with other women if he is in love with her.

Chris says Susie was totally justified in what she said. She was direct and that is the communication style men understand. Marni disagrees saying that if you are dating someone IRL you would never know if they were sleeping with other people unless you ask.

Dr. Emily says when Clayton said ‘I love you’ he made everything more complicated. The women assume those three words mean commitment which is perfectly OK. But, until you have the conversation, you should not assume anything.

Marni, Dr. Emily & Chris do not come to a consensus about how much of a red flag Clayton's actions were. He was rude and hurtful on purpose and that means somewhere down deep his little who felt rejected.

If you are dating someone and have values around sex it is important to communicate what your expectations are about having sex, being exclusive, being direct about feelings.

If He Only Had a Heart [19:41]

Clayton has done little to generate audience support. When he speaks it is without feeling. His actions look generated. It could be because his self-worth is low or that the show’s producers gave him a Bachelor playbook. He is inauthentic. To his credit, they are trying to date and find love in fabricated environments with scripts written by strangers.

Susie speaks her truth and sets a firm boundary. Clayton doesn’t want the relationship to be over but that is not Susie’s fault. She could have said something sooner but she doesn’t owe him anything.

When you set boundaries people may not like it but your boundaries are for you, not them.

Will Susie be the next Bachelorette?

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Marni welcomes renowned financial guru and the founder of HealthyLoveandMoney.com, Ed Coambs into the Life Check Yourself studio. Ed helps couples deal with their money stuff. He is recognized as a thought leader who offers financial therapy. He has been cited in the WSJ, AP, NYT, and CNBC. He leads couples through therapy from financial despair and frustration into financial intimacy and connection.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to practice financial empathy
Solving money issues in a healthy way
Discover your money attachment style
The best time to talk about money when dating

Practicing Financial Empathy [1:54]

Ed says money conflict is not equal to other types of conflict. Money conflicts are more damaging to relationships than other types of conflict. Money represents security, safety, and freedom and it means different things to different people. Money can take on any meaning we give it. We use money for so many different purposes, psychologically speaking, it makes it a loaded topic.

Ed recommends having money conversations before couples commit. As a couple, we need to feel we are doing money the right way otherwise we are out of alignment. In the search for financial empathy, gather your money memories from childhood.

Money shame doesn't ever go away; it is more about what you do about it once you are in it.

We did not choose most of our early money situations. We were born into them. Those starting financial points left indelible impressions that will be with us for our entire life. If we don't reconcile and deal with them.

Money Attachment Styles [20:49]

Ed says he didn't believe that attachment style had anything to do with money issues when he first began his business. But, when he began reflecting on his money history, upbringing, and spending or saving habits he recognized the cause and effect. He says it is a challenging journey to go on, but it is liberating.

Every time you talk about money you activate the attachment system.

Early money influences can turn into a shopping habit or be the motivation to become a workaholic or avid spender if you felt you didn’t have enough as a child. Or, if you fear being rejected you may try to hide your spending habits.

For adults who are trying to form and maintain loving, safe, and intimate relationships it is important for them to form new patterns.

Make Healthy Emotional Money Decisions [29:58]

Ed says the first step into shifting your relationship with money is to become aware that you have a relationship with money. Then, work with someone qualified to help you work through it. You won't unearth your money story and shift it on your own. Make self-examination a way of life versus self-criticism and shame. And, for the love of God, enjoy your life.

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The Couples Guide to Financial Intimacy

HealthyLoveandMoney.com

The Healthy Love & Money Way: How The Four Attachment Styles Impact Your Financial Well-Being

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Marni and Chris Gillis reflect on the latest Bachelor episode as this season starts to taper off. This ho-hum sandbox of a season lacks the heart and compassion of previous Bachelor seasons. It seems Robot Clayton didn’t come pre-programmed with emotions or charm. It would be a travesty if he ended up with Gabby because she is a shiny gem amongst the dull rocks.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How long to date before getting engaged?
Male and female communication styles
Remembering heartfelt Bachelor seasons
Being a goofball can be endearing

Is it Too Early to Get Engaged? [1:21]

Marni and Chris reminisce about Colton Underwood’s recent engagement. He had previously dated Bachelor contestant Cassie for two years then he revealed he was interested in men and now he is engaged to political strategist, Jordan Brown.

How long should a person wait to get engaged after leaving a long-term relationship? Marni thinks it should take over a year to know if a person has similar values or won't circumvent your deal breakers. Plus, if there are no disagreements you have no idea how the two of you will handle conflict.

If you haven’t had any disagreements in your relationship, are you speaking about your needs or setting boundaries?

Robot Clayton [8:56]

The number one thing that would add some pizazz to this mundane, boring season would be to magically inject Clayton with some emotions. And, truth be told even the contestants don't seem exceptionally happy or sad. There is no joy or pain displayed by anyone on the show.

When Clayton broke up with Serene, it made Chris feel weird. Chris says he would rather have someone get their emotions out instead of simply walking away. Clayton is showing red flags when it comes to communication. He sounds like one of those guys who doesn't know how to handle conflict.

Again Marni reminisces about a previous Bachelor, Ben Higgs was the first Bachelor to say 'I love you'. He broke the mold and the rules when he told two contestants he loved them. Marni also lovingly remembers Greg Grippo’s love for Katie as being a show highlight.

The current Bachelor cast is in it for the wrong reasons. It makes the show seem staged and manipulative.

Clayton and Gabby [16:27]

Both Marni and Chris agree that Clayton is repetitive and mundane. He is good at reflecting back but he is not great at sharing his thoughts. He is so emotionally disconnected that his body language is stunted. Mani says that there are a lot of women like this, their spirit doesn't show through because they don't know how to communicate.

While Gabby may not be everyone's cup of tea, with the right person it will be adorable and fun. Because of her goofiness, Gabby may be friend-zoning herself. Clayton says Gabby is sweet. Chris thinks she is the whole package: sweet, sexy, and cool.

Marni likes Gabby because she is capable of being vulnerable and being super hot like when she showed up at the rose ceremony. She is showing all sides of herself. But, Marni doesn't think Clayton will pick her because she is so awesome.

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Chris Gillis joins Marni to discuss the juicy dating nuggets from this week’s ho-hum The Bachelor episode. Clayton uses the show’s credit card to Pretty Womanize the contestants, but he is no Richard Gere. The Producers force therapy on the women whether they like it or not, and the probable frontrunner shares too much.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Meaningful gifts mean more than extravagant gifts
Couples don’t go to therapy at the beginning of a relationship
Some women stay too long with men who drain their energy
Share how you feel without expounding

The Pretty Woman Date [2:03] The pretense of the Pretty Woman date is to mimic the 1990s classic but falls short on entertainment value because we have evolved into 2022. Clayton, the handsome guy takes women to a fancy store and treats them like princesses. Marni wonders if buying clothes for a woman is really the royal treatment.

Chris questions whether women like this tactic or not. Marni says women just want to be treated like they are special. That is the key, not the stuff. Attention to detail and thoughtfulness go a long way in wooing a woman.

Women want to feel special, not bombarded with expensive gifts.

Couples Therapy in Vienna [17:52]

In another completely ridiculous setup, Clayton and company are whisked off to Vienna to attend therapy and psychoanalyze each other. Marni points out that couples don’t go to counseling at the beginning of a relationship when they are still happy. The women were expected to open up in front of the cameras and crew, yet Clayton didn't have to share anything. He is given the golden gavel and evaluates them. This type of stunt is merely theatrics. It would never occur in real life.

Genevieve, the contestant who has never had a one-on-one date with Clayton, is asked to blurt out her feelings about him. She says she doesn't like talking about things that make her upset or crying. Even if she is not comfortable with her feelings, she wasn't set up to win.

When dating there has to be context to be vulnerable. Don't beat yourself up if you can't talk about your feelings on first dates or surprise encounters.

Marni thinks Genevieve should B-N-R (bless and release) Clayton. Women stay too long with guys who drain their energy. He didn't take time with her therefore she doesn't owe him anything.

Sharing Feelings Without Ultimatums [32:40]

Marni thinks Rachel, the pilot, is the frontrunner. Or at least, it will come down to Rachel and Susie. Rachel is good at reading physical queues and she notices that Clayton lights up when someone says she loves him. It builds him up. Is he just a dufus who needs affirmation?

Maybe, I love you shouldn't be shared over plastic food with a rose?

Rachel did a good job of taking responsibility for her 50%. Marni says Rachel shared her feelings with dignity, while Chris felt she went a little too far.

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Marni welcomes the creator of the everchanging The Adventure Challenge game, Bryant Ellis. He is a risk-taking, rule-breaking high school dropout, entrepreneur, and newly-minted millionaire. As host of The Fail Journal podcast, he is determined to help people process failure as a lesson, not trauma.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Changing the way we process failure
Why boundaries are important
Releasing shame around failure
Rediscovering passion

The Adventure of Failing [1:48] Bryant had the desire to create a game that was different every time he played it. When he landed on The Adventure Challenge he continued to drill down to make the game more adventurous and make different versions for dating, family, etc. To date, he has sold millions of copies around the world.

His side hustle became The Fail Journal podcast where he talks with people about their failures and how they process them. For Bryant, failure has always been a numbers game in his head. He says if you process failure as trauma you may not be as willing to take risks again.

Redirect how you think about failure to set you up for success.

How to Build a Strong Fail Muscle [7:47]

Bryant says to process failure differently we must work at it. It is a journey, not a destination. Releasing the shame is a good place to start. When we change the meaning we give to our failures, we release the fear of taking another risk. Without risk, there is no success.

No opinion should be too precious to change. Approaching life with curiosity is the best way to grow. Do we really have to follow someone else's rules? Bryant thinks the experimentation process is beautiful but many are afraid of it because of potential failure or rejection.

If Bryant Was a Man-Panelist [29:20]

Marni asks — What makes a guy want to go on a second or third date? Bryant wants to have a moment of connection and have fun. First dates can be awkward so he avoids dinner dates. He opts for a nice leisurely stroll instead. He wants to connect with a woman who is independent, meaning she wants to be in a relationship but doesn't need it to feel complete.

Marni asks Bryant if a woman sleeps with him on the first date, does it send the wrong message? He thinks there is something instinctive in men that they need to pursue or work for something. A guy generally perceives a woman has more value if she has boundaries. He adds that guys notice when women don't adhere to their boundaries. Hollywood romance scenarios rarely take hold. Brian wants to woo and chase.

The fear of being alone caused him to stay in a relationship for too long. You can use people to meet a need you have instead of actively trying to pursue a connection with intention. His biggest failure was being afraid of being alone. Now, he would rather be alone than be lonely with someone.

It is healthier to be alone than being lonely in a relationship.

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The Fail Journal Podcast

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Chris Gillis is back from vacation and rejoins Marni to discuss another episode of this extremely overproduced season of The Bachelor. Several of the main players are emotionally immature, including the leading man. Conversations seem canned, there is a lot of needless crying, and now that Clayton finally gave Shanae the boot, who will keep the drama alive?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Clayton plays follow the leader
How to ask high-quality questions with follow up
Crying as a default strategy is not communication
Age truly is just a number

Clayton is Not a Leading Man [2:25] In being cast as the title role on The Bachelor, one might assume that Clayton would take on a leadership role and embody some leadership qualities. Unfortunately, his chameleon-like persona doesn’t allow him to take control of anything. He seems lost and unprepared for engagement or marriage.

In this episode, he finally gives Shanae the boot and then acted embarrassed that he didn’t do it sooner. It is as if he lacks the nads to stand behind his decisions. Showing once again that a handsome beefcake may not be a perfect match.

When Mara talks to Clayton about Sarah’s age, instead of asking Sarah directly if she thinks she is ready to be in a relationship, he poses it as if someone has been putting doubts in his head about her. Of course, Sarah starts crying instead of answering. No one really knows what her objective was for crying so much. Was it because she thinks she is losing?

Asking direct high-quality questions, no matter how uncomfortable, is always the best course of action.

Defaulting to Victim [11:55]

Some women cry as a default strategy when they don’t want to answer a question or face up to their feelings. Crying is not always connected to sadness. Sarah could have expressed herself but she just cried. Therefore, Clayton doesn't know what to do with it.

Crying can be a healthy expression and release our emotions and tension. It may be being used as a manipulation tool in the case of this show. It shows immaturity and a lack of communication skills.

In relationships, there are important conversations that need to be had. You should be able to answer your own truth.

When you say something in line with your values or boundaries and the other person has an emotional reaction, it may be difficult but you are not responsible for how they feel.

The Age Factor [18:33]

No matter what your age or circumstance, you have the potential to be the best catch in the room. We are all just a few mindset shifts away from having it all. Stories and prejudgments stop us from really getting to know people.

On the show, Mara, 32, continues to bring up her age as if that is why she is not the frontrunner. Then asks Clayton if 23-year-old Sarah is truly ready for a long-term relationship. The truth is Clayton is not into Mara. He may sense that Mara is not truly happy with where she is. She has age dysmorphia and it is unattractive.

Anything is possible no matter how old you are when you are being true to yourself and living your best life.

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Marni welcomes author and personal development expert Gary John Bishop into the Life Check Yourself studio to discuss the impacts of his books and teachings. Gary John describes how we can uncover our personal truth and venture into relationships without blame or baggage.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Let go of the need to be right
Living an authentic life
How to accomplish extraordinary things
Forgiveness equals progress

Writing Unfu*k Yourself [1:47] Gary John did not want to write a book. He resisted when a marketing representative approached him with the idea. He didn't want to write a book called 'Be Great' because that is not his style. He was self-publishing, so he thought who cares what the title is. He was unwilling to do anything or write anything that felt inauthentic.

If you want to live an extraordinary life, you have to do something extraordinary.

Most people look at others who do extraordinary things and believe the other people have something special that propels them forward. But people who do extraordinary things are just people who were called to do something bigger and then took the necessary actions to get it done.

For those called to do extraordinary stuff but don't act, they have to tell themselves the truth. That is when they start to identify how full of shit they have become. When we embrace who we are and what we are about we chip away at the conditioning and programming to expose our authenticity.

It's not about how successful you are with your venture. It's about taking the steps for yourself. Get clear about who you are and what you care about. This is what unfu*king yourself means. People will be drawn to your authenticity.

Love Unfu*ked [14:51]

In relationships, most of us are trying to fix something about ourselves from our past. We believe a relationship will be the answer we are looking for. Gary John says it is a big part of what draws us to people. It is not that a person is the love of our lives, it is that they are the solution of our lives. They solve something for us. Sometimes they solve problems for us we didn't know we had.

The first thing to do before you get in any relationship is to get clear about the kind of ‘you’ that is getting into the relationship. You can't go into a new relationship with junk from the past. Consider what you are walking in the door with and what things trigger you? It's not rocket science. When we look back at all of our crappy relationships the common denominator is always us.

If you take away the bullsht you can figure out what drives you to do what you do.*

The Life You Are Willing to Put Up With [19:20]

Marni questions Gary John about people who claim to have done the work but just don't implement what they have learned? Gary John says that knowing something doesn't really mean sh*t. Knowledge does not equal awareness. You can know something but still not have come to terms with it or understand the ways it impacts your life.

You have the life you are willing to put up with.

We can move, evolve, and change in the face of anything. The secret ingredient is us. If we want our life to be different, we have to be different.

The only thing that keeps us rooted in the past is blame. We become attached to being right, but we need to move past it.

It is not hard to forgive ourselves.

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Love Unfu*ked

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Dating coach Robbie Kramer joins Marni to share insights and take a deep dive into the dating lessons from the last episode of The Bachelor. Are the producers keeping Shanae around just to make sure fans are awake? If they left it to the dull-edged sword, Clayton, fans might fall asleep. Is bagging a bore enough incentive to keep these beautiful women in the game?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Vulnerability or sob story?
Can rugged good looks trump a dull bore
What high emotional intelligence looks like
Physical touch below the belt during sad conversations

Was That Really Vulnerable? [1:37] When Gaby speaks with her mother reflects on the major difference between vulnerability and telling a sob story. Makes one wonder if the conversations were contrived based on a certain formula the producers put together? Real vulnerability is organic.

Dating tip — Don’t get stuck in your head while dating. You can be emotionally prepared without being strategic about it. You don't ‘DO’ vulnerability. You can’t put it on like a jacket.

Vulnerability is a natural state of being.

Vulnerability isn't a sob story or the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Vulnerability is letting the other person know you had a great time on the date. Or, that you really enjoy their company.

Robbie has a soft spot for Gaby because he likes silly jokesters. Marni says the way she presented her vulnerability — blurting out that she has low self-esteem was inappropriate. She could have described examples of the things her low self-esteem has brought about in her life which would have softened the blow for Clayton.

Marni recommends sharing in a way that creates connection instead of leaking. Robbie predicts Clayton will eventually use the information as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Gaby may be regretting saying it. It wasn't a problem before she brought it up but now, it's a thing.

Be authentic
Make a good impression
Don't tell all your deep dark secrets on the first date

Boring Hot Guy Syndrome [16:04]

Robbie and Marni agree that Clayton is a mix of careful and vanilla. Marni can not imagine that some of these amazing women will be satisfied with someone so plain. Robbie works with good-looking clients who are worse in bed than they think they are. They got laid in HS and college because they were hot but when they start dating women of substance they don't understand why relationships don't pan out.

Some ladies stay with a boring hot guy because they think there is potential. Why are these women still dating this dud?

Marni thinks Clayton presents well and he is a bit of a chameleon. There is very little that is unique about him. If a guy is always playing the mirror or being the chameleon and just doing what they need to get by, he robs himself of the opportunity of being authentic.

Clayton is the perfect candidate for a desk job. Where is his stapler?

High Emotional Intelligence [23:44]

The frontrunner as far as Marni and Robbie see it is the Olympian, Marlena. She didn't get the rose date but she seems to be winning. She shows up authentically. Marni doesn't think Marlena would ever date Clayton IRL. He just doesn't measure up to her. She is funny and cool and handles conflict well which means she has a high level of emotional intelligence.

When your vibe or emotional availability isn't at the level of a high-quality person you are not going to attract those people. Clayton may be on the show for the wrong reasons. He can't make decisions, he has low self-esteem, and he gets swayed by whatever is going on around him. He is definitely not ready for a long-term relationship.

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Marni is joined in the Life Check Yourself studio by the author and founder of Careers with Wings, Marcy Morrison. Marcy supports hundreds of people to live the life they love and to create a career from their passion. She also is a speaker at corporate conferences and a facilitator of life coaching workshops. Marcy shares her personal journey and steps for how we can form careers around what makes us happiest.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to make what is important to you first in life
Creating more than two options for your career
You don’t have to blow up your old life to create a new one
Having a create short-term strategy

Save the World or Sell Your Soul? [2:22] Marcy didn't feel she fit into her generation. She always wanted more than the two paths others took. She felt she only had two options. One, work for a corporation and sell her soul or save the world and live in poverty. She slowly realized that she could do more to save the world with a degree in business than on volunteer journeys. Shortly after beginning her career, she got pregnant and created Careers with Wings so she could do what she loved at work and at home.

Many people get caught in the — I wish I would have — It’s too late for me now — I just have to suffer through five more years of this — syndrome. Marcy says if you don’t change your life no one else will do it for you. Start making a plan now.

How to Get Started Living Your Passions [8:26]

Give yourself permission to get your wings and gain your freedom. Marcy thinks many people think of career transitions backward. When you focus on what career you will have and think of your vision for happiness second, you get off on the wrong foot. That is where regrets come from.

When you know you want to spend more time with your children but your work schedule doesn’t allow it, you are not living your truth. Marcy asks her clients to flip the process and consider what they want in their life, and then how they can get a career that plays into it.

Marcy says you can get creative with a short term strategy that doesn’t pigeon hole you into deciding one way or another. Maybe it is a mix of things that will feed your passion.

Stability is the backbone of exploration.

Reevaluating what makes you happy and what is important to you at each stage of your life is the number one thing you can do to begin following your passions. Also, keep a journal for flashes of inspiration. What things do you enjoy? What do you have fun doing? Are you doing enough of those things?

Looking for happiness outside of yourself is a waste of time. You have to love yourself.

Some people believe they need to blow up everything in their lives and make drastic changes because they don't know how to make incremental changes toward what they want. Marcy’s advice, give yourself a break and take time off to think about it. Make a list and put the simple things at the top. Turn the old way outside down and fill your tank up first.

Put together the pieces of your passion puzzle.

Life is short. Give yourself the space to dream because the dream is where the magic is.

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Careers with Wings

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Dating coach Robbie Kramer joins Marni to share his insights and dive into the dating details from the last episode of The Bachelor, the “Shrimp Gate/Mean Girls” episode. Shanae gets aggressive, again. Clayton seems pretty well put together, yet the producers continue to show a clip of him crying about how broken he is, and no one understands why Rachel is a contestant.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Guys lose interest in girls who do all the work
Being aggressive might get you laid but won’t land a long-term relationship
Are men afraid you will outshine them?
Being blinded by attraction

Look at How Attractive I Am [1:14] Shanae’s out for blood approach may be catching Clayton’s attention for now, but both Marni and Robbie agree that it is a short-term strategy. If she continues to lead with sex after the oats are sewn, she will be left with unanswered texts and no flowers on Valentines’ Day.

If a guy is grounded in his masculinity, overly aggressive physical behavior will be a turn-off.

Many women lead with their physical selves because they know it is a sure-fire way to get a man’s attention. Men need much more than that to enter a long-term relationship with someone. The physical invitations lose their value because the guy isn’t required to make an effort. Robbie says a man has to be invested in a woman to make the relationship valuable to him.

Is some guy you barely know who you want to get validation from?

Being Blind to What Everyone Else Sees [12:40]

Most women have been through the ‘I don’t know what you see in him’ or the ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this?’ conversations with friends and family members. Why do we not see when someone is bad for us when everyone else can?

We get blinded by attraction, which is a stronger emotion than our logic telling us what is good or bad for us in the long run. In the beginning, attraction is so strong it feels like it is the only thing that matters.

Why Do Some Women Love Drama? [28:17]

What is it that makes women jump into the drama and why is there such a need for them to be right? Insecurities and inferior communication skills are what make some women involve themselves in every little argument and sink themselves into the drama.

If a woman creates tension when there doesn't need to be it is a red flag, Robbie says.

In the episode, Genevieve was pulled into the shrimp-fueled clash, Elizabeth gracefully bowed out, says Robbie. He believes Elizabeth just wants to let it go and Shanae is creating something out of nothing.

Overall, Marni thinks Clayton is not ready for a quality relationship and he is only keeping Shanae around because he wants to bang her.

Robbie’s prediction — Watch out for Susie. He likes her vibe and personality. He says she is a great example of how to be cute and adorable.

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Marni welcomes Choyo Wilson-Daniels into the Life Check Yourself studio to discuss what is holding women back from making more money. Choyo is a premier mindset coach who founded Loveshift Coaching for women who want to run their business on their terms. Choyo is a seasoned entrepreneur who teaches her truth from her past struggles as a business owner.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Removing money blocks
Moving from scarcity to abundance
Overcoming a fear of money
Releasing old programming around money

What Holds Women Back from Making More Money? [2:08] The biggest thing holding women back from not making more money is their belief that they are not enough, they are too old, they need to lose weight, or any other belief that they are not enough. Choyo says many women don’t make decisions until they feel the conditions are just right but then use excuses of why the time isn’t right.

Sometimes the smarter we are, the gap gets wider between what we want and what we actually have in our lives. A lot of women struggle with dreaming big and typically when children come into the picture many women let their dreams die.

So, where can women start when they feel their circumstances are keeping them stuck? Suspend your conditions. Turn off the programming and act like the roadblocks are not there.

Go to your imagination (the 4th dimension) and get a clear vision of who and where you want to be, and what you want to be doing. Choyo says to tap into your imagination and go there in your mind. Because once you see the beautiful picture of who you can become it creates emotions and when you feel good you act differently.

Money Blocks [9:04]

Money blocks are generational and develop by the time we are seven or eight years old, Choyo says. If you are an adult who has never re-evaluated their money beliefs you are operating from your parents money beliefs. It is critical to do an evaluation, because many family members were raised during the great depression. They probably have a scarcity mindset which has been passed on from generation to generation.

If we aren't careful we can pass a scarcity mindset on to our children as well.

Money beliefs, blocks, paradigms, whatever you want to call it came from your childhood environment.

How to Shift into Abundance [17:50]

The first thing is to become aware of the limiting money beliefs. Then, build a new belief. We have to reverse engineer the beliefs. We need to create a brand new model of what we do want. All of the intention should be focused on your new model.

Change our relationship with failure. We need to look at failure like we look at success, it is all necessary. De-emphasize failure. Thomas Edison failed 10k times - you have to be willing to fail and take risk again. Tuning into the signal.

Set a money goal and create an affirmation around it. Repeat the affirmation all day and get comfortable with it in your life.

See yourself as who you want to be to make it so.

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Choyo Daniel

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Marni and Chris add a bonus to the regularly scheduled Bachelor recap this week as they compare the learnings from the recent Ignite Your Life event with the important Bachelor takeaways. If you are stuck in dating and in life, this episode will help you on your journey to become unstuck.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Oversharing in dating is not vulnerability
Honesty is paramount in relationships
Having an agenda in dating is boring
Being stuck in terminal uniqueness
If you do the work, it will work

The Ignite Your Life Man Panel Synopsis [2:09] As another IYL event ends, Marni notes that many of the questions the women ask of the quality men on the man-panel are eerily similar to questions of years past. Chris says this year's group seemed to be more aware of the internal work that is required to have a healthy relationship.

One question that comes up every year is — How do you know when a guy is ready to commit?

Men go through phases, just like women do and their willingness to commit is based on the work they do and what stage they are in their lives. Both men and women can keep themselves stuck because they are good at their current role as the hunter, the quality-casual dater, etc.

When people are super resistant to change and they believe their way is better for them, or they are terminally unique, they stay stuck until they become of the work they need to do. Marni adds that there are women who come back to her program and admit they were super stuck before but just hadn’t grasped how much.

Unless you implement change in your life you will continue to have the same patterns, the same outcomes, and the same disappointments.

— Data shows that if you do the work, it will work.

If you are on the path of doing the work but it is not translating into tangible results, give yourself some time. You are human. Significant behavioral changes don’t happen overnight.

Important Bachelor Takeaways [17:29]

A big reason Marni continues to unpeel the onion which is The Bachelor is that it is a way for us to recognize patterns and behaviors of the contestants that may resonate with us. What are the ladies doing that maybe we have done in the past or continue to do that keeps us stuck?

Are you a life-long bachelor contestant in real life?

Remember you are not broken. If you are having difficulty changing your behaviors, think about the challenges in your life like knots in a necklace. Some are harder to get out than others, but with patience and continued effort, you can undo the knots and find your free-flowing, self who is comfortable in dating, relationships, and life.

You just have to untangle the emotional knots that keep you stuck

Oversharing on a Date [22:47]

In this episode of The Bachelor, the producers created a ‘circle of trust’ but with no qualified professionals. Then they asked each contestant what they were not proud of in their lives. They falsely called the circle a ‘vulnerability circle’ but it was more of a ‘shame circle’ which served no purpose other than to make the ladies feel bad about themselves.

Marni reminds us that it is important to reframe the questions we ask ourselves. For example — What traumatic moments keep us stuck? — Why bring up traumas this early in the course of dating? Ladies, remember, the world is tough enough don't beat yourself up, and don’t overshare on dates.

It can be off-putting when you show your open, oozing wounds to someone too soon in a relationship.

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Marni speaks to the creator of Inner Confidence and Host of the Leverage podcast, Robbie Kramer. Robbie works with men to create the lifestyle of their dreams. Like Marni, he doesn't believe in quick fixes or magic pills. He brings dignity and ease to traditionally taboo interactions with no cheesy pick-up routines. Robbie shares the real attraction and connection qualities guys are looking for in a woman.

Key takeaways from this episode:

The sexiest thing about a woman
What to do when he ghosts you
Why dinner is a bad choice for a first date
Stay away from the dick pic guy
When is a man ready to commit

Dating Behaviors that Waste Time [2:04] Some women tend to think of men as an evil opponent or creatures from another planet but that is a falsehood. Some men are ready to commit and some men who just want a conquest. Just like women do. Sometimes we are ready for a long-term relationship and sometimes we are not. If we are always trying to figure out what another person is thinking we get stuck in analysis paralysis. There is no way to know what another person is thinking. Focus on how you feel about the other person.

Robbie says for men, looks come first. If two people are not mutually attracted, they are not going on a date in the first place. So, ladies, don’t worry about what you look like. If he is there he is already attracted to you.

Common Dating Mistakes:

When women have an agenda and bombard a guy with questions it can be a real turn-off.
When a woman plans the entire date. Robbie says men should be embodying masculine energy and take responsibility for what to do on the date.
Dinner as a first date. Robbie says it is almost impossible to be present and engage with the other person while ordering and eating dinner.

The ideal venue for a first date is to meet at a coffee shop or a bar for 30-45 minutes. Then, if it goes well then change venues. Changing venues, Robbie says, gives you a chance at a reset. It changes the vibe.

Fgs [18:43]

Marni asks Robbie what we are all thinking — Why do men send dick pics and why do they take mirror selfies?

Robbie admits he isn’t aware of the psychology behind the dick pic, it may be that the guys are doing it for shock value, but either way, they are immature and it tells a woman exactly what she needs to know.

Ladies, no matter how cute, mirror selfie guys are not your guys.

Marni reminds us that those guys are doing us a favor by letting us know they are not quality guys and to move on.

When Are Guys Ready to Commit [20:47]

While there is no set time for a man to be ready to commit, Robbie says a woman should be able to tell. Men who are only looking to sow their wild oats, don’t call back. His advice is don't waste time trying to change a player into a long-term commitment guy. The guy isn’t doing it on purpose; he is just not interested in the same thing.

A relationship should be an equal investment.

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Inner Confidence

The Leverage Podcast

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Marni welcomes behavioral relationship expert Tracy Crossley into the Life Check Yourself studio. Tracy is an author and podcast host who helps people with unhealthy life and relationship patterns. transform parts of their character such as imposter syndrome, insecure attachment styles, negative belief systems, destructive self-talk, and more. She has a background in psychology and an innate emotional intuition.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to find your authentic self
Feel your feelings
Be curious instead of bolting
Drop the imposter and be your authentic self

Understanding Attachment Styles [2:03] Many people know of their attachment style but few know how to use the information to enrich their lives and move from an insecure attachment style to a healthy one. Tracy explains that when she first read the book Attached she didn't think it applied to her even though she identified as an anxious-avoidant. After thinking about it, she decided she didn't want to live in a dysfunctional space.

She says, our original attachment style comes from how we received love when we were children. We incorporate our early feelings of what we think love is into our adult relationship dynamics. Each attachment style plays out differently, but it always comes down to a self-worth issue.

The avoidant attachment style is fear of being rejected and abandonment. Those with this type of attachment style either stay away from relationships or are emotionally unavailable in the relationships they get in. Sometimes, they are looking for the perfect partner who doesn't exist.

Feeling Our Feelings [8:15]

Tracy says emotional reactions come from a story we react to. To heal, we need to uncover the motivating feeling at the base of our reactions.

We tend to victimize ourselves in the stories we tell ourselves. To get to our deeper feelings, we need to question what is the true reality and then take responsibility for the choices we actively made.

Our bodies hold our emotions. Emotions are not just thoughts. When we feel overwhelmed, Tracy recommends riding the wave of the feeling until it goes away. You will be less anxious and more in control of yourself. If a childhood feeling keeps coming back.

We get caught up in our stories. But if we are courageous and go deep down to find the truth we can find freedom from our false identity.

The 90-second tool for Life Check Yourself listeners:

If you go on a date with someone you are not sure about and feel the urge to bolt because something about the person irks you. The urge to bolt is coming from a place of fear. Drop into your feelings and stay for 90-seconds more. Use this technique for any situation you want to bolt from. Be quiet, be curious, and listen.

The more self-awareness we have the better our decisions are and the more we learn to trust ourselves.

Step Out of Imposter Syndrome and into Your Authentic Self [30:10]

In our early stages of development, we lack self-awareness. We are constantly deciding who we need to be to get what we want from others. We decide what kind of characteristics we can adopt to get attention, validation, and love. When we enter a relationship, and people try to get to know the real us we fear they will try to see the real us. Then we feel ashamed about being an imposter. It’s a vicious cycle.

Make life a journey of curiosity instead of being judgmental. Take your time to discover your authentic self.

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Overcoming Insecure Attachment: 8 Proven Steps to Recognizing Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles and Building Healthier, Happier Relationships

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Marni and Chris Gillis dissect the dating games on this week’s physical-chemistry-laden episode of the Bachelor. The man-mountain who is Clayton, seems unable to lean into his feelings. Is he Matt James #2? Cassidy teaches us that sexual aggression is unattractive and that a friends with benefits scenario offers little space to date with dignity. And, Elizabeth can’t wait to spit her ADHD on people.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to be vulnerable when sharing a medical condition
Forcing yourself on someone physically will only get a physical reaction
First dates are not job interviews
Friends with benefits has no place in dating

I Want Your Sex [2:58] There is one contestant who makes Marni cringe. It’s Cassidy. Cassidy is over-aggressive and actively tries to make out with Clayton every second they are together. She is obviously going for the sexual connection but her vulnerability feels fake. She says I like you and she attempts to mount him. She crosses a line that is not attractive.

Clayton’s technique needs a little work. Is he a quality guy? Marni says he might have Matt James syndrome. When a contestant opens up to him and shares about her family. He speaks from his head and not his heart. He doesn't share and wasn't vulnerable. Chris says his response felt like a job interview.

When dating someone new, listen to them with an open heart. It’s not a job interview.

Victimy or Vulnerability [10:38]

Shenae calls Elizabeth out and asks her why she didn’t respond to a question or comment she made. Instead of calmly explaining that she has ADHD, Elizabeth snaps back that she processes information differently. She uses it as an excuse for her behavior instead of vulnerable sharing.

Don’t overshare your medical history, especially on a first date. It’s not being vulnerable. It’s a canned story you are using to elicit a common response. Be discerning about what you share and when you share it. You don't need to put everything out there on the first date.

Taking ownership and responsibility for a miscommunication is sexy.

Friends with Benefits [25:21]

In the episode, Cassidy offers up the unsolicited information that she has a guy she hooks up with at home. It begs the question, can you bang your friend with benefits and also date with dignity?

Marni says for women it may be a little harder. She tries to discourage clients from having an FWB on the side because it causes women to compartmentalize their feelings. It requires rigorous honesty. and it's difficult. Chris says it is easier for men to compartmentalize it and not let it bleed over into their dating life.

Cassidy just needs too much attention and she asks for it in an unattractive way.

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Marni welcomes the Founder of EZ Dating Coach and matchmaker extraordinaire, Mike Goldstein to the Life Check Yourself studio. Mike is a frequent guest on this show and he has been featured on the Today show and in Readers Digest. 83% of Mike’s clients enter relationships! This is the highest success rate in the country. He uses data from the top dating sites to set his clients up for dating success.

Key takeaways from this episode:

The best time to start dating online
The importance of being vulnerable
How you may be sabotaging yourself
Trust the process
Myths women have about online dating

Dispelling Common Online Dating Myths [2:56] Mike reveals that the Sunday after the New Year is the best time to meet someone because people vow to find their love, online or at the gym. Marni points out that it means the online dating sites should be full of new prospects. With 57% of online daters are looking for serious relationships with a higher percentage of men saying so, it dispels the myth that men are not looking for commitment.

Marni asks Mike what gets in the way of ladies finding a quality guy online. He says there are two major obstacles women must overcome.

Women believe there are no good guys online and it's a waste of their time.
Online dating is too much work and they are already busy.

Yet, the data shows one out of three marriages come from online dating. It doesn't need to be a full-time job. Mike’s process requires just 30 minutes, three times a week plus one date a week.

Often, when dating, a woman is trying to be perfect. In reality, Mike says men are craving access to a woman. They want to see who a woman truly is. Women have a hard time being vulnerable and guys will start looking elsewhere because they don't feel they have access to you emotionally. Mike’s advice, describe a time you overcame one of your limiting beliefs and how you worked through it. It allows the guy to know you better.

No matter what your dating history is, you need to let your guard down.

Looking for Perfection? Stop. No One Is Perfect [12:35]

Marni describes several of her clients tend to rule guys out before giving them a chance. Instead of being curious about a guy they sabotage themselves by being nit-picky about a physical attribute or a comment.

Mike's strategy is simple — Consider how the person you are dating makes you feel. On a date and in between dates? If the answer is you feel good then continue to date the person. If the person doesn’t make you feel good, move on.

Be curious when dating rather than automatically ruling a guy out. Don't be stuck in the story that nothing works for you.

There is No Shame in Online Dating [21:48]

Mike shares that he has been rejected hundreds if not thousands of times when he offers dating advice. But he wants to help people fall in love and lower the divorce rate. So he keeps at it. He doesn’t take rejection personally and neither should you.

There is no shame in online dating. It’s a numbers game.

Do you want to fall in love? What is your goal? If you want to fall in love, do the work. Trust in the process and truly believe the universe wants you to be partnered. There is no one person that doesn't deserve love. If you get rid of the shame and use a strategy, be courageous, and commit to it you will be a success story. It's just putting the right things together into one focused effort to get a result.

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How To Get a Great Guy in 60 Days FREE GIFT

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Marni and Chris Gillis work tirelessly to extract every morsel of dating advice from the beginning of season 26 of The Bachelor. Sweet, former NFLer and alpha-male Clayton Echard was given a cool $100k to have 31 women test his dating mettle and claim their hearts. Let’s see who stood out and who went home.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Rules on Valentine’s Day gift giving
Dropping into you feminine energy
Are you ready for a serious relationship?
What to do if a guy keeps mentioning his ex

Salley Makes a Quick Exit [4:28] Salley, the blonde with the Love Island hair extensions, showed up for the opening show. But she did so only to tell Clayton she was supposed to get married the same weekend. Her quick exit came after telling Clayton she just wanted to meet him but she hadn’t yet fully recovered from her breakup with her ex-fiance.

It begs the question, how do you know when you should start dating again after a breakup?

If you are still pining for your ex, you are not ready to be in a serious relationship.
If you continue to be triggered by songs, memories, or anything else you and your ex did together, you are not ready.

On the flip side, if you are on a date and a guy starts talking about his ex. Give him time to express himself and be curious. If he continues to do it on multiple dates, play the empathy card. If he realizes what he has been doing and stops all is well. If he doesn’t stop, he is not ready to be dating yet. Tell him you are not a therapist and move on.

Marni and Chris think Clayton may be insecure and he likely will fall for anyone who likes him. He kissed five women on the first night. They also think Salley will make a comeback later in the season.

Exuding Masculine Energy [15:17]

Marni notes that there are a lot of successful, professional women competing this season. It will be interesting to see if they are able to drop into their feminine energy during the dating process.

Claire Heilig is an example of a woman who wasn’t able to get there. She and Clayton go on a fake tailgating-esque date. She couldn’t disguise her male vibe when they played cornhole. When Clayton got flirty about almost winning, Claire’s testosterone shot up and she reminded him sternly that she, in fact, won the match.

A guy doesn't want to kiss a dude in a dress. Are you being too competitive? Do you need to win?

Chris says, she revealed more about how she feels about herself and her need to win.

Too Much Too Soon, Gift Giving [26:13]

Showing up with flowers on a first date is a tradition for some people, but showing up with a 100-year-old family photo is a bit much. Elizabeth offers the only copy of a family keepsake photo to Clayton right out of the gate.

Marni points out that women tend to overgive. As a general rule, don't bring a gift to your first date.

For Valentine's Day, if a guy you are dating hasn't asked you out by Feb. 7th, you can ask what is going on. Or, tell him how much you love celebrating the date. It doesn't have to be awkward. Just have an open-ended conversation. It isn’t always easy to put yourself out there. Vulnerability is necessary for communication.

A gift doesn't have to be tangible. It can be a simple compliment.

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Marni welcomes the host of the Jewish Money Matters podcast, Yael Trusch into the Life Check Yourself studio. They discuss how-to unravel money stories, the spirit-money connection, and how women can begin designing the financial life they want for themselves and their children. Yael’s Signature program, G-d Wants You to Be Rich, has transformed the financial lives of countless Jewish women and couples all over the globe.

Key takeaways from this episode:

The spirit-money connection
Getting clear about your financial why
Overcoming limiting beliefs around money
Parenting tips for creating financially responsible adults

Being of Service to Others Should Be the Foundation of Our Financial Why [3:10] Why does money matter to women? Yael says, money matters to women because it is the way we create an impact in the world. We, as humans, regardless of our family, creed, or race were put here to serve the world and make it a better place. Money is one of the resources we are given to make a lasting imprint in this world.

Marni asks, how can women create abundance and not be attached to abundance?

This is one of the complex parts for people, Yael says. Everyone needs to design goals for their lives, financial and personal goals. There must be tangible things you are aiming for because those things will assist you in becoming the person you need to be to serve others, our growth journey.

While we focus on the ‘why’, the ‘how' is orchestrated from above. God says let go of the outcome, just show up with your ‘why’, and do what you need to do.

To let God manage the ‘how’:

Be clear about your why
Be comfortable with your what
Show up and do what you need to do
Allow the how to come from above

Are your financial goals me-centered or God-centered?

Common Limiting Beliefs Women Have About Money [11:29]

While beliefs vary Yael says three common limiting beliefs women have about money are:

There is not enough. — Not true as money is infinite.
I’m not good at this. — While women, in general, haven't been taught about money as much as males, it doesn't mean it has to be your reality.
It is something men do. — Don’t rely on some version of Prince Charming to take care of it.

You can have the money, the health, the marriage, you can have everything.

Parental Responsibilities Around Money [27:46]

Yael reminds us that children are learning about money whether parents intentionally teach them or not. They watch the way you behave and listen to the way you speak but through a child's eyes and ears.

Parenting is a holy endeavor. Parents are responsible for raising capable, responsible, adults in the world. Unless you want to be saving your child financially for the rest of their lives you need to model and teach them to be responsible and not give it all so easily.

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Jewish Money Matters Podcast

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Marni, Chris Gillis, and newcomer clinical psychologist, Dr. Emily Owens attempt to make heads or tails of the season finale of The Bachelorette 2021. It seems All-American girl Michelle Young has a bad picker. She chose Nayte who struggles with communications over emotionally well-versed Brandon. She may need to Life Check herself.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Make your words and actions match
Play the long game when it comes to finding connection
What you see is what you get with men
Stay committed to your deal breakers

Your Words Don’t Match Your Actions Michelle [1:43] Michelle can’t go back and have a do-over. She chose Nayte, a guy who has never been in a relationship in his life and doesn't talk about his feelings. But, Marni says, this happens in real life to intelligent, savvy, professional women every day.

Dr. Emily notes that Michelle’s body language told the story. She obviously has more of an attraction to Nayte. But, this isn’t in line with what Michelle said about needing to find someone who loves her more than she loves him. She is probably setting herself up to fail.

Brandon and Michelle’s hug looked tender, soft, and authentic. The Nayte and Michelle hug didn't give off the same energy.

After the rose ceremony, the network tells Nayte he has to move to Minnesota and the couple will receive $200,000 to buy a house. Does the money come with stipulations?

Dr. Emily says Michelle may be trying to fit Nayte into a mold that he has professed isn’t for him. What you see is what you get with men. The relationship may not last very long.

Brandon the Break Up King [14:24]

Brandon exhibited an emotionally mature communication style when Michelle broke up with him. He truly knows how to communicate his feelings. He said he wanted Michelle to be happy even if it wasn’t with him. He had a spiritual point of view. Marni hopes he stays true to being a nice, sweet kid. Chris agreed, saying that for a guy he articulated exceptional wisdom.

Even the Twitterverse is poking fun at the discrepancy in Nayte’s inability to express himself and Brandon’s communication skills.

Ladies, when you are dating, be committed to your deal breakers and make sure you are looking for the right things.

Emily says the thing about values is that they are a long-term game. In dating, if you play the short-term game you set yourself up to fail. Over the long term, you will feel more connected if you stay true to your values.

What is your game plan and how can you date to win?

Marni thinks Michele may not be emotionally available enough to receive the kind of love Brandon has to offer.

Bachelor 2021 & 2022 [35:43]

The barriers to the contestants finding healthy, romantic love for Bachelor 2021 were:

Sabotaging perfectly good possibilities.
Wishing, hoping, or believing the right person will show up instead of doing the work
Recognizing the short game versus long game contenders.

Make a Connection:

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Marni speaks with Dr. Colin Wilford, a Clinical Psychologist with 27 years in dating and relationship counseling. Dr. Wilford enjoys studying mind-personality dynamics, the power of influence, and leadership. He helps companies with leadership, relationships, and people concerns. During the conversation, he shares his 4 Pillars to Higher Emotional Intelligence and his early-dating ConeXions assessment tool.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why relationships fail
How-to grow emotional intelligence
What motivates people
What people want from a relationship

The 4 Pillars to Emotional Intelligence [2:10] Marni asks Dr. Wilford about how a woman can determine what motivates the man they are dating or a team member they manage. Dr. Wilford says it is all about passion. He says be upfront and right to the point and ask “What blows your hair back? What gets you up in the morning?”

We all have a passion for something and unless we ask the questions we don't know what motivates people. Most people are thinking about themselves and what they want instead of the other person.

In a relationship, people want to feel attracted to one another, they want to be loved, validated, and accepted.

Dr. Wilford’s 4 Key Pillars to Emotional Intelligence

How do I understand what I am feeling and what my emotions are trying to teach me?
How do I express and communicate my emotions?
Do I understand the feelings and emotions of others?
How do I manage, influence how others are feeling?

Making ConeXsions [22:58]

Dr. Wilford has been thinking about what makes relationships successful, what makes some compatible, and what makes them fall apart. So, he designed a tool that assesses compatibility between people who are starting to connect and starting to date. The tool helps filter through possible issues the pair may have if they couple up.

ConeXsions:

Communication
Others
Narcissism
Emotional Expression
X-factor
Stress
Interests
Optimism
Needs
Spiritual

It points to the things that create compatibility and gives couples something to come back to when they hit a rough patch.

Most relationships fall apart because one person can not handle the stress.

How-to Grow Emotional Intelligence [35:02]

Dr. Wilford reveals that human beings have the wonderful privilege of receiving a stimulus and then having time to think about what to do about it. The rest of the animal kingdom doesn't have this ability. To grow emotionally, it is important to increase the time between what is triggering you and what you believe you need to do in the situation based on your perception, understanding, and what you think the results will be based on the action you take.

Don't be an animal, be a human being.

The key is to increase the time. When we have a knee-jerk reaction it is normally destructive to our relationship.

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Ascend Mental Health

Wilford Scholes

ConeXsions

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Marni and Chris break down this week’s Bachelorette and filter out all the golden nuggets of real-life dating advice. It looks like it is down to Brandon and Nayte and Michelle seems to be attracted to the guy who has difficulty communicating. Marni discusses what this means and what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Recognizing a person for who they really are, not their potential
Getting past drama and onto what is important in a relationship
Being attracted to the guy who doesn’t seem interested
Why people get uncomfortable when others share their feelings

Recap of the Men Tell All Episode [2:28] This episode highlights how mean people can be to each other when they are triggered. Either a lot of the guys on the show have a low emotional intelligence or they are being triggered by TV producers who bring out the worst in them. Marni says that when we get activated, especially when one of our core values is triggered, it can be hard to hit the pause button and be our best adult selves. And being on national TV puts it in the spotlight.

The human brain is naturally attracted to drama. Chris says people get attached to having someone validate them. When they don't do it, it can be maddening. That ongoing drama keeps our attention and we continue to spend time trying to figure out why someone is not giving us what we want. It's a game you can never win, Marni says. If you find yourself in this situation, do yourself a favor and run away.

Addicted to the Chase [9:38]

If you are someone who leans more toward a guy you want to like you more than he does versus the guy you are dating who likes you a lot this Bachelorette holds some good lessons.

Brandon is in love with Michelle and tells her will love her until her last dying breath. Michelle seems to shift in her seat and is obviously uncomfortable with him professing his undying love. Then when Nayte, who is 27 and has never had a girlfriend, says he is catching feelings for her she gets all giddy. Michelle wants to be chosen instead of doing the choosing.

Chris adds that the internet thinks Michelle is the greatest thing since sliced bread but he thinks she displays some red flags when she interacts with the guys. She is a teacher and she might feel needed when trying to help or change them. Marni and Chris have different opinions about whether Michelle has had physical relations with some of the guys during their sleepovers.

If you are never attracted to the guy who is really into you, consider why that is.

Predictions [32:35]

Marni believes Michelle will choose chancy 6-foot-8 Nayte over smitten Brandon. If she picks Nayte? Chris says within 3-6 months the couple will find a reason to break it off. Michelle wants to save the world, and it will not be Nayte’s style. Marni says Nayte is a player and not marriage material. Only time will tell.

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In this inspirational coaching episode, Marni speaks with Tarah. Tarah was part of the 5-Keys to Becoming Irresistible program in May of 2020. She is a 38-year-old, single, Professional Marketing and PR Communications expert. Tarah describes how she created the life she wanted by using the foundational principles of the program.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Setting boundaries
Keeping your word to yourself
Knowing when to bow out of a relationship
Putting yourself out there

Finding the Key to What Was Missing [2:25] Tarah was put into a position of leadership within the craft brewing community of Charleston, SC. She moved from NYC after providing financial and human resource services to a fast-paced company. She had traveled, changed jobs, and cities but still didn’t have a partner.

When Tarah thought about it she realized she didn’t know how to date. She knew she needed help because what worked for her in the past didn't really work for her. She was aware enough to know that there must be a better way. So, she reached out to Marni and the team then joined the 5-Keys to Becoming Irresistible program in May of 2020.

Previous to joining the program, Tarah had spent years in therapy, studied her attachment style, read books, and had even tried to travel it out but none of these things empowered her to get the life she wanted. One of her biggest takeaways from the 5-Keys program was to create, communicate, and implement boundaries.

Transform Your Dating Life [10:32]

Many people believe they are stuck in their attachment style and patterns. But it is possible to rewire our brains to overcome, shift, and shed existing patterns. Tarah describes how she shifted her attachment style.

She says it will always be work. She has to constantly remind herself that she put her boundaries in place for a reason. She knows if she breaks her promise to herself she will go back into the behavior that doesn't allow her to get her needs met.

Tarah started a new relationship using what she learned from the program and while it didn't work out with the guy, it did get her closer to where she wants to be. She says she wanted to believe that love conquers all but it just isn't realistic. People need to have some values in alignment but they have to be bigger than the areas of contention.

Whether it is an App or a Pub, You Have to Put Yourself Out There [28:18]

Tarah says she put out to the universe that she wants to meet someone organically. A couple of days later she went to a pub for a late lunch. A guy sat down beside her and they have been together for two months. She knows she wants a partner she can do things with but she doesn't have to have a ring on her finger. It's more important, for her, to have shared values with someone.

Make a Connection:

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Marni speaks with Institute of Living Courageously graduate Stacy McAlpine. Stacy is the founder and CEO of Journey Fuel and Host of the Ignite Your Day daily podcast. Before transforming her life, Stacy spent 20-years consulting for some of the top financial corporations. Today, she helps others start their journey to freedom. If you are ready to live a life on your terms, this episode is for you.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Finding the courage to do what is best for you
Achieving personal and professional freedom
Listening to your inner voice
Engineering a life you love
Connecting back to how you want to feel

Reaching Out for Help [2:22] Stacy shares a bit of her history from before attending the Institute of Living Courageously. At 45, she decided it was time to wake up and change her life. After her divorce, she felt as if life had beaten her up. She realized she was now responsible for her own choices instead of depending on someone else.

She initially called Marni for dating advice after being heartbroken by a guy she was dating. But instead of simple dating advice, Marni advised her that she needed to heal herself before she could live a life of love with someone else. Stacy’s intellectual brain had been running the show. And, to untangle all the pieces that were keeping her stuck, she had to go back to basics and invest in herself. She invested in programs with Marni and then into her business, Journey Fuel.

Finding Personal and Professional Freedom [12:06]

To create a shift in her life, Stacy had to look to her past to connect the dots. She realized there were little things in her life that got her to where she was now; she just didn't know they were stepping stones.

She feared she wouldn't succeed. But, the team at the Institute of Living Courageously gave her the confidence to rely on herself. Stacy needed to pause when she was triggered by fear, then remember all the self-development tools and knowledge she had accumulated in her lifetime.

When you are mired in a struggle it is hard to tap into your true consciousness and awareness.

Design the Life You Want [28:04]

Stacy knew she wanted to live near the ocean so she moved herself and her girls to California. She got caught up in the how of changing her life instead of the why. Without knowing it, she was engineering in the wrong direction.

So she took a pause and decided to leave her job. Her ‘why’ was calling out to her. What Stacy wanted was to wake up every morning and do work she loved. She realized she could stand up for herself. She could go after something she wanted instead of being stuck in something she didn’t want.

Stacy created Journey Fuel. The point of Journey Fuel was to create a life that she loved waking up to and to help women to create a similar spark in themselves.

Make a Connection:

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The Journey Fuel — Ignite Your Day Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/35Z3vxxsv1y5M4Gw8n3ujK?si=bd5c3b15a2e4416f…

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Marni and Chris deconstruct the latest Bachelorette episode to siphon every last drop of real-life dating advice out of it. This week, Michelle was a tad too condescending when giving sweet Rodney the boot. So, Marni offers tips for breaking up with a guy without belittling him, plus why Clayton was chosen for the new Bachelor.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Don’t rule out the nice guy to quickly
Why you should date multiple people at a time
Break up so you both have your dignity intact
Consistency matters in a man

Player or Genuine Nice Guy? [1:54] Marni and Chris have a difference of opinion when it comes to Brandon. Marni thinks he is a genuinely nice guy while Chris calls him out as a player. So, how do you know if a guy is honestly falling for you or if he is a low-key hidden narcissist?

Chris says Brandon is good at pushing the ball down the field and seems to be talking Michelle into a relationship. He cleverly shows up at certain times and asks for a separate conversation with her parents. Chris thinks Brandon is doing it with a purpose and eventually we will see he is a hunter. Marni thinks he is the kind of guy a lot of women would fall for.

Both agree that Michelle got rid of Rodney because she doesn't want to sleep with him, that there was no sexual chemistry. She didn't try to create chemistry because there were other guys to choose from who she did have chemistry. Chris thinks Rodney would be a generous lover.

Ladies, reminder, there is nothing wrong with dating multiple guys at once. Marni recommends it!

Nayte [16:55]

Michelle is interested in Nayte even though he has never been in a long-term relationship. Marni thinks Nayte is emotionally stunted but gives him a pass because most humans are. She gives him credit for having the conversation with his step-dad.

Nayte has a great smile and has a lot going for him. He told Michelle she inspires him to be a better man. Nayte has feelings for her but as his Stepdad reminds him, having feelings is different than making a commitment to get married.

Marni’s Hot Takes [31:27]

When you think you know someone, be cautiously optimistic and find out if they are who you think they are, consistently.
Don't rule out the nice guy. Are you trying to create chemistry or connection or are you looking for a way to get out of it because there is another guy you want to bang?
Don't fall in love with the potential.

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Marni speaks with professional storyteller, World-class Producer, and Founder and CEO of The Support System, Sheri Salata during this episode of the Life Check Yourself podcast. In her past life, she was the Executive Producer of the Oprah show and President of Harpo Studios. Sheri shares the keys to manifesting the life of your dreams and how to call in what is next for you from her memoir, The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence, and Transformation.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Grieving disappointment
Soothing the over-busy mind
Tuning into the divine feminine
Following spirit to discover your true purpose

How-to Free Yourself [3:22] For 20-years, Sheri ran one of the most beloved brands in the world, Oprah. When the gig ended she had to strip away her identity to transform into an entrepreneur. Describing the process, Sheri says, when the thing that has defined you changes you have to decide who you are without it. It was her middle-of-life-reckoning.

Being someone else's mother, right-hand-gal, wife, etc. is not enough. Women need to sit with themselves to discover who they want to be. It will summon you. We can all get caught up in falling apart in our own way. But our soul speaks to us. We just need to pay attention.

To go to the next level of reckoning, Sheri placed her hands on her heart, spoke to herself in her most tender voice, and said ‘no matter what you find it will be ok’.

Most women have no idea what kind of rut they are in, but when you turn on the lights the freedom starts to shine in.

A Beautiful No [15:57]

In Sheri’s book, The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence and Transformation she describes how all the no's she received in her life led her to the moment when the universe conspired with her.

If you can convince yourself that every rejection, every betrayal, and every no you have received is pushing you in a different direction you become open to the greatness you deserve.

Sheri shares an example of when she got a 'no' on a job she really wanted. Shortly after, she got a call from the Oprah show. Look back at your life and find your beautiful no's and then put your hands on your heart and be curious when something doesn't turn out the way you wanted.

Accept what happens in life then tune into your spiritual self and await the next surprise.

Two hacks that make it easier to accept the no’s you receive:

There is a grief you must allow between what you hope for and what has happened.
Meditation helps. Start a breathing and mantra practice.

Following Your Spirit to Find Your Purpose [26:04]

Sheri reminds us that there is no such thing as work/life balance because the concept of balance is basically to tip over and come back to center. Eliminate the words in your life that are not in your favor such as have to and no choice.

Start listening to signals that confirm you are on your divine path in your work and finding your purpose. Sheri says she had no idea she was going to do everything she does today that drives revenue one year ago. And, to top it off, she loves everything she does. Her life is lining up as it is supposed to because she is following her spirit.

Set yourself free in your own mind about what is possible for yourself. Stir your dream pot and tune into your divine feminine.

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Sheri's 5-Day Design Your Life Challenge

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During this coaching session, Marni works with April to help her break free of a relationship that doesn’t meet her needs. April keeps going back to a guy because he fits into a familiar relationship pattern.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Seeing a relationship for what it really is
Dating from a mature place
Feel worthy of love
How to make self-honoring choices

Do You Keep Going Back to What is Familiar? [1:56] April says she can't stop thinking about this particular guy. When they first started dating, he would say he never felt the way he feels with her. He gave her compliments and said he will make her a priority. He knows her favorite song and her favorite water!

She says they dated for about 8 weeks. And, during that time he deleted his dating apps. Then, he hurt his back and their dynamic shifted. She reached out and asked him what was going on and told him what she needed. He only said he was doing the best he could. They attempted a relationship for a while but it was different so she ended it. Now, she is back in it. He says he can't give her what she needs but there is something about him that keeps her going back.

April is rationalizing, coping, and intellectualizing because she is trying to get what she wants from an unhealthy place.

April admits that the on-again-off-again type relationship reminds her of the relationship she had with her stepmother. It was always hot and cold. The relationship feels familiar and she knows how to deal with it even though she doesn't like it.

Healing Past Wounds Makes the Future Better [14:47]

Marni takes April through an exercise of talking to herself, as a child, when she first learned about how relationships worked. (Her little who)

Every time April goes back to a guy that makes her feel like her step mother did she is reinforcing the idea that she isn't ready to make self-honoring choices.

Marni helps April to realize that she will waste more years of her life feeling unworthy only to be in the same position years down the road if she doesn't shift her behavior.

When she wants to text the guy she will consider that it is her ‘little who’ who is being needy and she will find a healthy distraction. She will practice meeting her own needs in a healthy way.

April promises to be courageous.

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Marni and Chris mine the gold nuggets from this week’s Bachelorette episode. They have to extract with care because they don’t want Bachelorette Michelle to get defensive. They share practical examples of what to do and not to do in real-life dating scenarios.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Leaking your past hurts on to new relationships
Recognizing compatibility
Dating from a healthy place
Exploring differences when dating

Is Being Defensive a Dating Strategy? [1:24] While Michelle seems to like all the guys on the show, she can be hot and cold. If a guy says something that triggers her, she gets defensive and puts up her hackles or sits in contempt. For example, when Martin asked her if she was high-maintenance. But, Martin is looking for someone who vibes with his beliefs so he should ask qualifying questions.

Can you be into someone but keep waiting for them to mess up or do something you don't like?

Because of our beliefs, we interpret what someone says from the lens from which we have been hurt or our protective wall. Michelle has an outgoing personality but when things start to get real or when there is a spark of intimacy she feels she needs to take control. Marni says if you can relate to this it may be because you are coming from a hurt space.

We all have patterns that stem from hurt places. The challenge is to be aware of them and not let the fear from past hurts get in the driver’s seat of how we navigate the dating process.

During dating, many women think they have to say what a guy wants to hear because they want him to like her. But, this is the time they should be exploring each other’s differences. A difference of opinion is not the end of a relationship, and if it is you haven’t found your person.

Searching for Compatibility [19:11]

As dating progresses people are searching for compatibility. Marni says that getting to compatibility is the easiest part. Getting back to compatibility is the true test of a healthy relationship. Small differences can derail people if they are not invested in the relationship. They, often, see a misfire as a red flag or a trap, so they bail rather than wait to see how they can work through it.

Marni recommends having conversations about your differences to see if you are on the same page and if it is an opportunity for someone to take responsibility and grow in that area.

Ladies, don’t get caught up in what you think a relationship is supposed to be like.

Why the Internet Loves Leroy [31:12] Chris thinks the internet loves Leroy because he is a nice guy that doesn’t say much. The cameras just slide right by him without ever stopping. He has surprisingly made it to Michelle's top 12 guys by staying in the shadows.

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Marni welcomes Licensed Psychotherapist Terri Cole to the Life Check Yourself podcast. Terri is a global relationship and empowerment expert, the author of Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free, and podcast host. She offers up tips for single ladies who date, how-to say no with ease and grace, and her effective Boundary Blueprint.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Effective Communication Skills
How to Set Personal Boundaries
How to Say No with Ease and Grace
Dating Red Flags

Establishing Healthy Boundaries [2:41] Terri describes boundaries as personal rules of engagement. Guidelines we set to let other people know what is ok and what is not ok with us. They are rules specifically customized around our limits, values, and deal-breakers. They let people know how to treat us.

When we were young most of us were told to be good kids and do things for other people whether we wanted to or not. This means, most of us were raised to be self-abandoning, people-pleasing, co-dependents. Almost all of us have disordered boundaries.

Terri says boundaries are a language we can learn. We got corrupted data and that creates a twisted sense of self, value, and worth. It is a complicated aspect of our personality. In her book, Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free she has step-by-step instructions on how to set healthy boundaries.

When we do things for others that they can and should be doing for themselves we can become bitter and burnt out. It is absolutely okay to say no without an explanation of why you are saying no.

The amount of self-respect, self-love, and self-worth we feel for ourselves sets the bar for every other relationship in our lives. Whether we know it or not.

The Boundary Blueprint [15:33]

If you don't set boundaries, you will be a martyr only doing things for people out of a corrupted sense of responsibility. You may try to make people feel guilty and you will give corrupted data about yourself to the people in your life so they won't authentically know you. And, how can anyone authentically love you if you don't allow them to authentically know you or you don't authentically know yourself?

To get started: Get clear about where you need a boundary, then

Do a resentment inventory
Make a simple request
Don't change the rules

Tips for Single Ladies [31:21] Single women should value their time and not get stuck in the pen pal zone when a guy texts but won’t ask you out. Ask him to take things to the next level. Who has time to waste? Not empowered single women.

Set boundaries in the dating realm, early and often.

A woman who has healthy boundaries says something when someone doesn’t keep their word. She pushes back when a guy doesn't call when he says he will. She doesn't collude with a guy's twisted sense of reality when he thinks his time is more valuable than she is.

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Boundary Boss

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In this Check Your Life podcast, Marni and Chris break down the real-life dating lessons from the most recent episode of the Bachelorette. Bachelorette Michelle is throwing out a lot of pink flags, and it has the guys confused. The guys need to know exactly what she wants but she or the producers are creating a lot of inconsistencies and confusion.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Are you leaking your insecurities?
Do you pick guys who tell you what you want to hear?
Is your feminine energy blocked by your masculine energy?
Does your style enhance who you are or cover it up?

Whose Style Is It Anyway? [1:35] The show starts off with Michelle’s date with Martin. Marni finds Martin distracting and thinks he is trying very hard to make a statement with his image. A Stylist on the Life Check Yourself team says if your image shows up before you do, you are hiding in your clothes. People should notice you, not what you are wearing.

Your style should showcase you, not cover up who you are.

Marni and Chris offer some tips for when you find yourself on a date with Mr. Try Hard. Basically, when dating IRL don’t fall for a guy’s potential! There is a chance Martin could change, but it is not likely. Marni and Chris agree he is a boy who is not ready to be engaged.

The Slumber Party [15:12]

Viewers may never know if this group activity was designed to invoke drama but it sure seemed like it. The producers put the guys in silky pajamas but then in a masculine environment. Chris says it had to be staged. Someone knew the guys would not make a love connection because they were in battle mode due to all the testosterone in the room.

Michelle shows up and none of the guys pay attention to her. She obviously wanted more attention yet she didn’t get involved she sat and sulked. She says she didn't feel seen. She scolds the guys for not giving her what she wanted which surprised them because she had not told them what she wanted.

Marni says Michelle is a classic example of a woman who is extremely pretty and smart and should be super confident but something in her childhood left her insecure. She should speak to a life coach or therapist.

When you feel small your vibe is small.

Let Your Feminine Energy Shine Through [29:39]

Michelle displays a lot of masculine energy. She dresses very feminine to try and balance it out. Michelle is a basketball, tomboy-type girl yet the producers have her dressed in heels and ball gowns. It must be so confusing for the guys.

If a guy doesn't know where he stands or what you want he will do nothing.

Marni believes it is giving her the friendzone vibe which confuses the guys because they signed up to get engaged. Chris says the guys are having a hard time reading her because she isn't being flirtatious.

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In this Life Check Yourself podcast, Marni facilitates a live coaching episode with Michelle. Michelle has been divorced for almost eight years. She has been dating for a while but seems to sabotage relationships when she starts falling for a guy because she is scared. Marni offers her some tools to use when she feels herself pulling away.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Redefining what a high-quality guy is
Creating emotional safety
Being compassionate with your process
How to stop sabotaging relationships

Why Are You Scared to Get Close? [2:39] Michelle dates outgoing, professional guys who are fun to be with but elusive. They look good on paper and check all the boxes and should-haves. What is holding Michelle back is that internally she feels as soon as things start going well she will become disappointed. Therefore, she never achieves emotional intimacy with them, even after dating for a couple of years. This stems from having her feelings hurt and not feeling heard when she was a child.

There is a difference between being cautiously optimistic and having expectations.

Michelle doesn’t trust her feelings because no one validated her as a child. Deep down she fears abandonment. She recognizes she feels stuck and needs to nurture the little girl inside of her.

The Path to Meet a High-Quality Man [27:03]

Marni offers Michelle the tools to help her connect to her intuition and her essence. When she empowers herself to have the emotional intelligence she wants to have, she will feel emotionally safe and grounded. Marni reminds her that we attract who we are. If she is emotionally open, she will attract a man who is also emotionally open.

By creating our own emotional safety we start attracting people into our lives who are emotionally available.

Michelle is going to:

Be more compassionate with her process.
Address her little girl inside and reassure and validate her.
Recognize when she starts to feel scared and calm herself.
Start trusting herself and allow herself to be optimistic about relationships.

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In this Life Check Yourself podcast, Marni and Chris discuss the dating traps exhibited by the guy contestants in the latest episode of the Bachelorette. Who does Michelle choose when presented with a strong contrast between looks-good-on-paper Jamie and the not-sure-I-am-good-enough Rodney?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why checking boxes is a bad way to date
How F-boys keep you hooked
Moving guys out of the friendzone
The vulnerability-vagina connection

His Worth is Not Your Worth [1:25] Marni notes that too many women become focused on how a guy looks on paper and whether or not he checks all the boxes. She warns against this because when we get attached to the idea of someone and not shared values, we end up with the wrong partner.

For example, Bachelor Jamie is CEO of a biomedical tech company. He fits the image a girl would be super happy to talk to her friends and family about when we peek behind the curtain he has been seen putting other dudes down and telling everyone else they are wrong. Big red flags there.

The person you date does not add to your worthiness.

Jamie tries to trap Michelle by saying he is trying to protect her, yet he is the one planting seeds of doubt in her mind. Plus, Chris points out Jamie hangs out with the not-so-nice guys and you know what they say about birds of a feather. Jamie displays a complete lack of humbleness. He can not be silly or laugh at himself. Who wants to date someone like that?

Sometimes we want to see what we want to see. That is why it is important to get clear about our values because we could be missing out on a great guy.

Why Do We Put Some Guys in the Friendzone? [17:56]

Enter Rodney. When he approaches Michelle he does the opposite of Jamie and tells her that he may not be this and he may not be that but asks her to give him a try. While it did catch Michelle off guard, she asked him why he would start a conversation (or a contest for that matter) in that way. He just unwittingly put himself in the friendzone!

Ladies, if you feel that the guys you are attracted to never want to commit, but the guys you are attracted to are not interested in you, this may be the issue.

If you have gone out on a few dates and you like a guy but are not feeling it, what can you test the waters to see if he is just nervous or if he has low self-worth?

First, if a guy has low self-worth HE IS NOT YOUR GUY.
Tell him how you are feeling and ask him if he knows what might be missing from your interactions.

Chris says that men who are worth a damn will love doing something brave and show you who they really are. With the caveat that sometimes they need instructions.

Lessons Gleaned About F-Boys [30:05]

The clever ones know how to work the system. When true F-boys feel a woman is moving away, they turn on the waterworks. Or, when they feel you are getting clingy they move far enough away to keep you hooked. F-boys have colorful stories but they use their powers for evil instead of good.

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Marni welcomes Sexual Health Specialist, Christine Delozier to the Life Check Yourself podcast. Christine is an acupuncturist and herbalist who treats every patient holistically through research and study into traditional Chinese medicine, dietary nutrition, and counseling. She shares some simple changes you can do to get your mind and body sex-life ready.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Pre-date mood-enhancing snacks
Foods that increase sensitivity in the body
Minerals that make you feel sexy
How traditional Chinese medicine promotes great sex

The Connection Between Physiology, Diet, and Sex [2:03] Christine believes approaching health from a natural perspective is the most effective way to take care of our bodies. In Chinese medicine, a practitioner always looks to the root of health to assist their patient, not symptoms. To achieve optimum sexual health it is best to treat the root of the issue through diet and nutrition.

When we think about great sex, women tend to think about it psychologically, but physiological great sex means strong signals of pleasure are sent from our genitals and nerve endings up to our brain, therefore, balancing our sex hormones.

One of the most-widespread complaints Christine receives from women is they often have low libido and difficulty achieving orgasm. What they don’t realize is that the food they are eating affects each of those things.

Leafy greens are great for great sex. They increase nerve conduction, blood flow, reduce cortisol, and optimize testosterone. In addition, antioxidants show stronger nerve impulses, protect against damage, and increase clitoral sensitivity.

Eating a salad is more about being healthy than losing weight.

Chomp on This Before Going on a Date [15:57]

In Christine’s book, Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health, she includes a Date Night Sex Menu. She describes what greasy foods do to the libido and how refined sugars disrupt hormones and taint our testosterone. Plus, to stay confident and comfortable throughout a date, eat plenty of vitamin C and potassium before leaving the house on a date.

Oysters are known as libido-raising food due to their high zinc content.

How to Achieve Great Sex Based on Chinese Medicine [26:11]

Traditional Chinese medicine teaches us that hormonal balance is the balance of Yin/Yang in the body. Yin is the feminine essence and the physical attributes of the body. Yang is male energy, think nerve conduction, and the heart beating. Balance is key.

The traditional Chinese view on sex is that when we have strong Chi we have good sex. And, the essence of life is believed to be housed in the kidneys. The embodiment of our essence is menses for women and ejaculate for males. In addition, every meal should have five main flavors. Without a bit of each, it can throw hormones out of balance.

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If you've followed The Dating Den for a while, you know that the work we do on this show is about much more than just dating. At the core, we help our listeners live and love courageously so that they can create a life of peace and joy and success and fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams.To fully realize this vision, we knew we needed to expand.

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Marni welcomes renowned body-language expert Blanca Cobb to the show. When it comes to love, romance, and relationships, she helps singles find a partner who is worthy of love by using and understanding body language. She can help you to identify partners who love, care for, and respect you. Blanca has appeared in more than a thousand TV appearances and has been quoted in hundreds of popular publications.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Simple expressions tell you what a guy is thinking
Tips for revealing your feminine energy
Sending the right signals to get what you want
Body language tips for dating IRL
How to dress for a video date

Do His Expressions Match His Words? [2:27] Ladies, if you are dating a guy and he says romantic things that make your heart all a flutter but his expressions and actions don't match up it could be a red flag. Blanca says if a guy wants to be with you he will show up emotionally and physically. The more they want you the more they will touch you in caring and nurturing ways. Think putting their hand out when you are getting out of a car or putting their hand on your shoulder when walking through a door.

Gentle caring touches say a lot more about how someone feels about you than a passionate embrace.

When dating, a guy must have the body language that supports his statements. If they don't match his words don't matter.

When Your Clothes Say Feminine Energy But Your Body Language Shows Masculine Energy [13:01]

It can be difficult to transform into a feminine goddess right before a date, especially if date night turns out to be a Wednesday. And, trying to convince someone of what you are through words or instead of naturally showing someone is just about impossible. Your body language shows everything and guys can get confused about the signals you are sending.

Before a date, practice being feminine and flirty without overcompensating.

Blanca says a relationship goal is normally to have a man love you for who you are and not who you pretend to be. If you want a long-term relationship you must be yourself when dating. You can only pretend for so long and a relationship based on a false persona will make you both miserable.

Physicality matters. Blanca’s tips for dating:

Portray yourself as open.
Sit catty-corner in your chair across from your date, not face-to-face.
Make eye contact but avoid a staring contest.
Position your hands in a normal, relaxed position.

What we do with our hands is an emotional barometer of how we feel in the moment.

Sending the Right Signals on a Video Date [29:32]

Video dating is here to stay. If a guy asks to video chat, try to make it as natural as a real-life date would be, if possible, look at the camera, not the screen, and have fun! Use a post-it note to remind yourself to look into the camera if you have to.

Dress like you are on a date. Because when you wear something you feel confident in, it will show through on the call. You should also be just a bit more animated in front of the camera during a video date. A playful nature can add some life to a flat projection on a screen.

Remember, everything is perceptible, and everything makes a difference. Transmit wisely.

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Marni and Chris reconvene to talk about the real-life dating lessons from the first new episode of Bachelor in Paradise 2021. Has Bachelorette Michelle been to a dating coach and does she know exactly how to find her perfect partner, probably not, but that is what makes this analysis useful and fun.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why you shouldn’t internet stalk before a date
When it is time to save energy and focus on someone new
Issues stemming from having perfect parents
Respect boundaries and stop looking through his phone

The Fine Line Between Being Yourself & Being Prepared for a Date [2:13] On Bachelor in Paradise, contestant Ryan is confronted by Bachelorette Michelle about some notes he has in his room. He had a folder that included information about Michelle and how to get attention during the season. Chris says it is normal for a guy to dig around the internet to find out more about someone he likes.

Michelle confronted Ryan and he took a defensive stance instead of owning up to what his intentions were. Michelle said goodbye to him then and there.

Marni says, if your ego gets exposed, fall on your sword because being defensive puts everyone on edge, and being honest about what happened will leave you with your peace of mind.

Marni encourages women NOT to search the internet about a guy before she meets them in person. She recommends taking the opportunity to create a connection with the other person first.

If you want to prepare for a date, instead of doing copious amounts of internet sleuthing, ground yourself and think about what you are curious to know about the guy.

Save Your Time to Spend on the Good Guys [15:21]

Michelle puts so much of her time and energy into a guy she knew wasn’t going to be her guy, she doesn't have time to spend time with the other 28 guys who are interested in her. The lesson from this is that in real-life dating, we shouldn’t waste energy on things we don't want or know won’t work out anyway. Think of the time wasted trying to figure out why someone ghosted you or the unrealistic expectations of waiting for a call from someone you don’t really like anyway.

Focus on what we want to bring into our lives, not what we don't want.

If you are dating it is important to remember the good guys are out there. Don’t waste your time on the wrong ones.

Respecting Boundaries versus Looking for Red Flags [23:12]

Going through someone's phone can be hard to resist especially if you just slept over for the first time, but Marni says don’t do it. If you want to know something about someone you should ask them directly. Looking through a bathroom cabinet or a bedside table and then making a snap judgment doesn’t give the other person the dignity of telling you about something themselves.

We find it hard to resist because our brains want to protect us from getting hurt. We may be thinking if we go through someone else stuff we will discover something that is a red flag but it is not a good vibe and certainly not a good way to start a relationship.

If you are dating a guy who has been a perfect gentleman and there are no issues, stay out of his private zone.

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Marni asks the Master Coach of the Institute for Living Courageously, Sherrie Toews, to explain ways to fix your online dating process to increase your chances of finding real love. For 25 years, Sherrie has been a licensed therapist in California. Her work focuses on what causes people to be stuck, and she creates a foolproof plan detailing how they can break through and acquire the skills needed to maintain a long-term lifestyle shift.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Shifting your personal belief system
Recognize what is holding you back from finding love
Stop sabotaging your dating life online, or not
How to fix your online profile

Limiting Beliefs Keep You Single [4:45] Marni and Sherrie share that they see attractive, reasonably smart people sabotaging relationships every day. Even if they think they are not sabotaging a relationship, they unconsciously are.

It all goes back to our belief system. In childhood, when we hurt or had to deal with something that wounded us we formed little Who's as coping mechanisms to keep us from getting hurt again. This can also happen in our teenage and early adult lives when the hurts and wounds were profound. Think once bitten, twice shy. The little Who's form negative beliefs about ourselves, our worthiness, and our lovability. Or, negative messages about other people, aka men.

If we don’t become clear about what we want from life, the little Who's will still be making our decisions unconsciously. When they appear, they can seem like the truth, but they are sabotagers that keep us stuck!

Even if you think you have read everything there is about getting unstuck, there still may be unconscious pieces that can wreck your dating results and block your path to finding real love.

An example of a limiting belief is — Men just want to have sex. Sherrie reminds us that when a high-quality guy is giving us a compliment about our beauty or shape, we will whittle it down to a derogatory comment. But, remember, men are physical, visual creatures.

No matter how smart you are you may still be a victim of limiting beliefs.

Shifting Your Mindset [9:17]

Are you too picky when you discount a guy after only seeing his profile? Sherrie says, making snap judgments about men is a way you are collecting evidence to fit into your limiting belief. The little Who is influencing your decisions!

Instead, if you look through the lens of being open-hearted, values-based, and extending men goodwill, and credit there is no such thing as settling. Be curious about who the picture you are looking at truly is.

We are made for connection. If you are looking for a man online you are searching for a connection.

Stop These Online Dating Mistakes Now! [17:57]

Promiscuous self-disclosure is a mistake many women make when messaging men before physically meeting them. They give out too much personal information such as family drama, medical trauma, or personal dharma. Throwing out issues to see what resonates with someone else is not healthy dating. It is not vulnerable.

Dating is a process. There is no need to tell someone everything about you on a first date, or worse, before ever meeting in person.

Other common mistakes are creating a false sense of connection through endless messages back and forth, not responding to date requests, and not dating more than one guy.

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As part of Marni’s contribution to the How to Actually Feel Worthy of Love Podcast Tour curated by Veronica Grant, client Janice Busing joins the show to describe the love connection she made after doing the work.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to feel worthy of love
Believing you are enough
Why you are attracting the wrong guy
Dating differently

Accepting Your Worthiness [3:28] Before becoming a dating with dignity client, Janice was considering Where she was in her life. She was 56, single, not dating, and craving partnership. One morning Marni's email appeared in her inbox. That is when Janice realized that if she wanted to live her life fully now was the time to make a self-honoring choice.

It takes courage to admit that getting into partnership is something you care about and are ready to work on.

Janice knew she needed support and guidance. She had expanded her awareness but she was self-sabotaging by using her good life and clever stories to keep her out of a relationship. She thought the man for her had to be a certain way and had to offer her certain things. She was being picky and avoided dating. When she did date, she put demands and expectations on the other person based on her fears.

Janice had a base fear that she would never get what she wanted. She injected that fear into her relationships. When she released the fear and her limiting beliefs.

Attracting the Wrong Guy [12:59]

Janice had a deep-seated belief that she wasn't worthy of love. She had wounds from the past that were seeping out in her life making her feel unworthy of love.

Marni hears it all the time from women. Intellectually, they know they are worthy but their brains are wired to keep them safe. The brain needs prodding to look at a situation through a different lens.

Janice says when she decided to work with Marni she committed to do the work at 100%. She vowed to be honest, vulnerable, and open to the process. She said the coaches at Dating with Dignity heard what she was saying, even though she couldn't completely hear herself. It cracked her open. She created a new foundation.

Janice’s current relationship is the first relationship she walked into authentically.

Doing Dating Differently [17:13]

Creating non-negotiables was powerful for Janice. She came from a solid foundation of who she is and she finally thought about what would be good for her in a relationship.

When you do the work you can trust the process, Janice says. You start to date differently by integrating things into your life and relationship instead of pushing them and judging the other person if everything is not perfect. She realized she was deserving of an epic love.

We are not looking for perfection, we are looking for the ability to grow with a partner.

One core limiting belief that Marni hears over and over from her clients is that other women are lucky because they found the right guy, but the truth is that once you are into your worthiness it is about making different choices that are in alignment with who you really are.

Do the work and the right guy just might find you.

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Marni and Chris connect to extract real-life dating lessons from the season finale of Bachelor in Paradise. Unexpected break ups, playing the victim after heartbreak, and saying I love you first add to the intrigue and appeal as we say goodbye to yet another season.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to tell what a guy is really thinking
How to break up well
Staying out of victim after a breakup
When to say I love you
Can someone truly change?

Is He Ready for a Relationship? [2:07] At the beginning of the season, Marni and Chris agreed that James seemed like a good dude. When he started dating Anna everyone including her, thought it was a good solid connection. But as soon as Anna declared she wanted to follow through with a relationship, James snappishly said he wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship right now and took off with Aaron.

Marni says James is emotionally unavailable and he may never be satisfied. When producers asked, he couldn't pinpoint what was missing in the relationship with Anna. Likely, no one will ever be the right one.

Even if you are looking for a long-term relationship, if you don't do the work you will get the same results.

Aaron, who quickly rode off into the sunset with James, was dating Tia. His breakup with Tia was not the decent goodby that James gave Anna. Marni says it mirrored how 5th graders breakup, instantly and carelessly. Aaron feigned interest in Anna when answering to the producers but never fully committed because he is emotionally unavailable.

Is a guy really ready for a relationship?

Do his actions match his words?
Does he hang out with grown-up children?
Does he have long-term relationship goals?

If you are of a certain age and claim you want to be in a relationship — invest in it and be committed to it.

Natasha was a great example of what it looks like to date maturely.

How to Breakup Well [15:36]

The shocking breakup of the show was Abigail and Noah. Abigail told everyone she was in love with Noah but never mustered up the courage to tell him. She created something in her head instead of focusing on the facts. She seemed more interested in playing the victim to prove herself right rather than starting a relationship.

By telling the woe-is-me story you stay in a woe-is-me situation.

How to stay composed during a heartbreak?

Be aware of how you are feeling
Clearly articulate your feelings
Be emotionally intelligent enough to manage your emotions

During a break up emotional meltdowns can happen. The important part is how you repair the situation afterward.

It is easy to fall into unhealthy defaults if you don't stay mindful. The universe will keep showing you what you need to learn. Feedback and support from a relationship expert can help.

Who Should Say I Love You First [33:40]

Marni is open-minded about who should say I love you first. As long as it comes from a place of wholeness, not from a place of fear. The guy doesn't need to say it first. Let go of the rules.

Serena decides to tell Joe she loves him. He admits he was going to tell her later in the date. Joe is an authentic guy who dates maturely.

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Marni welcomes relationship expert Jayson Gaddis into the Den to discuss lessons gleaned from his latest book, Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships. In addition to being an author and coach who teaches people how to do relationships, Jayson is also the host of the long-running The Relationship School Podcast.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What is conflict in a relationship
Tips for working through conflict in a relationship
Becoming a relational leader
Creating a baseline of where feels good to both partners
Avoiding inner conflict

Identifying and Resolving Conflicts in Relationships [2:26] Jayson defines conflict as a rupture, disconnection, or an unresolved issue between two people. Conflict can be voiced or the stuff we are not saying. We are all challenging when it comes to interpersonal dynamics. especially if we live together.

Silence is one of the worst conflicts. It can be extremely brutal for some. Those most susceptible to silence or a lack of response can make stuff up in their mind to fill the space — especially with those who are triggered by abandonment or rejection.

Jayson adds that the most successful relationships he has witnessed are those where both partners are willing to embrace conflict and get better at it over time.

Getting to Zero [11:01]

Many people do not know how to work through conflict. They may be scared to lose the other person and lean into manipulation or childish behavior. Jayson says, it can make us feel vulnerable to put ourselves out there and humans are naturally sensitive to rejection.

The right person wants to create a connection and get to zero. What is zero? In his book, Jayson describes zero as a happy place where both partners feel good and connected. A baseline. We want to have a baseline that feels safe, secure, and good.

Conflict can rupture the baseline. Returning to baseline (zero) as a couple is the goal. One person can't do it alone. It takes two.

Become a Relational Leader in a High-stakes Relationship [16:32]

We often get hurt and angry during a conflict but someone has to be the first to initiate repair and interconnection. A leader has to realize what is good for the relationship and do the right thing.

Relationship Tip — When you are in a conflict or snag, decide how you can get zero as a team. You want to have multiple ways to get back to zero.

One way is to stay in the same room and look each other in the eyes. Jayson says, when we are not looking our partner in the eye we go into memory and all the negative memories can bubble up.

When dealing with conflict in a relationship, maintain eye contact. See the person, not the story.

People want relational space to be fair. And, fair is taking responsibility for your 50% of the relationship. Fair means both partners are invested in finding the solution to conflict.

Relationship Tip — Consider the three entities in your relationship. You, your partner, and your relationship. Each needs to be nurtured and understood.

Fighting and conflict are what lead us to deeper understandings of ourselves and each other.

Anytime you avoid outer conflict you are creating inner conflict because you are withholding your truth. You betray yourself to keep the connection.

Relationship Tool — LUFU: Listen Until they Feel Understood

If the security of a relationship is threatened by the behavior of one, move on because the relationship is not safe for both people.

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Getting to Zero Book

Jayson Gaddis

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Marni and Chris join forces to dissect the real-life dating lessons extracted from the 3-hour case studies openly provided by Bachelor in Paradise. The contestants may be on TV, but they date just like the rest of us.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What to do when something feels off and a guy pulls away
How to stay positive when you feel rejected
Dating long-distance and making plans for the future
Catching someone in a lie

What To Do When Something Feels Off [2:06] When something feels off, it can be a tough thing to decipher. Is it your intuition speaking out? Are you imagining it? Or, is self-sabotage rearing its ugly face. Does the other person feel it too?

In the show, Kenny feels that something is off with Mari yet he says nothing. Mari on the other hand feels that something is off with Kenny because he is acting differently after saying ‘I love you’.

Marni says as soon as a relationship starts to get deep, people get vulnerable but then second guess the feelings they just shared. Chris adds that it is hard for a guy to admit they are insecure or scared about how a relationship is going and to have relationship conversations.

The faster you can tell your partner something feels off, the better. Telling your friends or therapist doesn't get you closer to understanding what is going on.

Staying Positive When You Feel Rejected [11:59]

James, McKenna, and Abigail all have experience with being rejected but they all handle it differently. James is confident, resilient, and seems not to take rejection personally. When Aaron tells McKenna he is working through some stuff, she immediately lashes out and calls him a jerk. And, Abigail just sabotages herself by acting coy when Noah openly shares his feelings for her.

If you take too long to lean in, someone with self-worth may not wait for you.

Abigail set herself up. She didn’t ask Noah clear questions when they began dating. Even after Noah breaks up, Abigail doesn’t take the opportunity to ask why.

If a guy tells you what he is feeling, if it's not what you want to hear, don't blame him.

If you want a clear answer, ask a clear question

What To Do When You Catch Someone in a Lie [34:45]

If you are casually dating someone and you catch them in a lie if they are your person, check-in and ask them what's up. If they are not your person, Marni says you don't need to confront them.

On the show, a guy told a lie to Chelsea and she didn’t confront him with it because she probably didn't care enough about him to enough to say something.

Ladies, if you are in a relationship you have to address it. You have to find out why. Chris admits to lying about his age when online dating to outwit the algorithm.

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Marni welcomes behavioral scientist turned dating coach and author Logan Ury into the Den to discuss the top dating tips from her book, How Not to Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. Logan is the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, where she leads a research team that specializes in helping people find love.

Key takeaways from this episode:

A behavioral science approach to dating
Biggest mistakes people make when dating
Managing expectations
Why feeling a spark with someone may not lead to lasting love
Combating dating burnout

Date Like a Scientist [2:24] Many women discount dating quality men because a man doesn't check every single box for them. Logan says people are wrong about who they think they should be with. She recommends dating like a scientist. Collect evidence and be curious.

The key is to have an open mind while figuring out what kind of person will make you happy. Then, test your assumptions.

Logan points out the three types of dating tendencies —

The Romanticizer — has unrealistic expectations of love and relationships.
The Maximizer — has unrealistic expectations of the other person.
The Hesitator — has unrealistic expectations of themselves.

Why You Should Start Dating Now [9:47]

Dating is a relational dynamic that occurs between you and another person. People can spend years doing personal development work to get ready to date but the only way to truly prepare is by dating. Ladies, you can’t just sit in your living room.

Logan points out that a lot of people have been hurt in the past. And many, date from a place of fear. They want to protect themselves against future hurts. But, people can work on themselves while they are meeting people.

We are all works in progress. Marni adds that we never know what our intimacy challenges are unless we put ourselves out there.

Demystifying the Spark [13:45]

The ‘spark’ has become the word that describes feeling butterflies when a person is attracted to another person. Logan warns that many people expect to have a RomCom moment where they will know right away if it is love, but she says it's not likely that it will happen.

3 Myths of the Spark

A spark is an immediate connection
If you feel the spark it must be a good thing
Feeling a spark must mean it is true love

Logan says f**k the spark and go for the slow burn. Choose someone reliable, shows up for you, and is the person you can grow into love with instead of starting off hot.

Tips for Online Dating [20:27]

As the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, Logan sees the data of dating. She says the pandemic caused a sort of Relationship Renaissance. People are being more intentional in dating. People want intimacy and connection more than casual hook-ups.

Tips to maximize your video date:

Look your best with good lighting and a good camera angle.
Explore dating in a new way. Do something you may not be able to do on a regular date.
Use the time as an opportunity to find out who the person is.

Face-to-face communication was difficult during the pandemic. When you get down to brass tacks it is the value of relationships that stands out. Intimate relationships have become more important to people. Dating is more important to people now. And, as a result, people are showing up with the intention to find a partner.

Be empowered! The guy doesn't have to come to you. Dating should be fun and playful & it's not about playing hard to get.

Make a Connection:

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Logan Ury’s Book — How Not to Die Alone

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Marni and Chris Gillis are back discussing the real-life dating lessons gleaned from this season of Bachelor in Paradise. They unpack why the ‘spark’ may be leading Tia to attract emotionally unavailable men, why Kendall should not be looking to Joe for consolation, and how sharing emotions turned Riley from bicep-guy to boyfriend material.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to get a guy to pursue you
How to know when a guy won’t pursue you
Who should say I love you first
How to get a guy to express himself to you
The key to successful dating

An Ex is an Ex for a Reason [1:19] Should your ex be the person that consoles you when you are in a new relationship? Should you stay friends? Marni and Chris adamantly say no. When you break up, even if you had an intimate relationship, you should let it be over. If you have kids together you will always have a connection, but keep it about the kids.

In the show, Kendall runs to her ex, plays the victim to get Joe to console her. Marni felt like Joe was uncomfortable and Joe is over Kendall. Deep down some women think if they fall into the victim they can manipulate their ex into wanting them again. Marni says women manufacture conditions or circumstances in an attempt to rekindle a relationship with their ex. But, ladies, it doesn’t make you feel any better!

Do not run back to your ex! You wouldn't want your new boyfriend to console his ex. Bottom line, your ex shouldn't be your best friend or your emotional confidant. Even if a guy is willing, don't do it.

Don’t Trust a Spark [11:36]

A spark is basically a chemical reaction when you meet someone. The physical spark doesn’t last. It doesn't matter how attractive a person is, things can still go sour. Don't base an entire relationship on hotness because eventually, it won’t keep a relationship together.

In the show, Tia is a perfect example of how this backfires. She has a history of going for unavailable men. She is interested in two guys, both attractive. James is making an effort but she doesn't feel the spark. Then with Blake, she has big chemistry but he is kind of a douche. James is the better candidate for her but she may be too emotionally unavailable to see it.

It's hard for a relationship to work when one person is emotionally unavailable and the other isn't. Marni says, it is easy to blame things on other people but ask yourself if you are truly being open with the other person and creating the space for connection. Chris adds, when ladies open up and share, it adds a completely different dimension to them.

Riley is a great example of how letting vulnerability shine through can transform how other people perceive you. When he opens up to Marissa he becomes much more than a muscle-bound menace. He just may be long-term boyfriend material.

When someone shows us they are not perfect it makes us feel that we don't have to be perfect either.

The Key to Dating is to Not Take Things Personally [27:56]

In the show, Natasha has been dating unsuccessfully. But, when Ed asked her out she seemed open and honest during the date with him. If she had taken the unsuccessful dating attempts in the past personally she may have been guarded about letting herself be open to Ed.

If you meet someone who tells you everything you want to hear and then find out it was a front, don’t make it about yourself. Sure you might feel stupid for falling for them but it truly has nothing to do with you and everything to do about them.

The key to successful dating is not to take things personally.

Chris asks Marni how ladies can trust that being vulnerable is the best way to date when things don't work out with a guy they are attracted to. Marni says past traumas can cause us to be hypervigilant when dating. We collect evidence about why we need to put up walls to protect ourselves.

If you are someone who is continually disappointed in dating Marni says:

Take the focus off what is wrong with the guys you pick.
Ask yourself what pattern causes you to pick the wrong kind of guy.

True vulnerability is always attractive.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes the Founder and Chairman of the Optimum Health Clinic which is one of the world’s leading integrative medicine clinics. Alex is also the creator of the Therapeutic Coaching Methodology and the In Therapy with Alex Howard, Youtube series. They discuss what may be keeping you stuck from having deeper, more intimate connections.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Breaking free from who you think you should be
Finding your authentic self
Unpacking and healing childhood patterns
Trusting the divine

Longing for a Deep, Intimate Relationship [3:16] Alex was mired in his inability to have a happy, lasting relationship. He suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome as a teen. As a result, he proactively began a long-term healing journey. He trained to become a therapist. He discovered his first true love in life was psychology. In his mid-20s, after he had attained everything he thought he wanted out of life, but was miserable when it came to relationships.

Alex started to believe he couldn't have a long-term relationship. He found dating healthy but he wanted something more.

The problem, he determined, was how he was showing up in relationships. He was being the person he thought he needed to be instead of who he truly was. He was coming from an inauthentic place, his idealized self. It wasn’t serving him because he couldn't sustain that image in a long-term relationship. He also had an idea of who he thought he needed to be with.

Men long for deeper relationships too!

Masks that Block Emotional Intimacy [17:42]

Alex points out that both men and women develop masks derived from how they were treated as a child, as coping strategies. We may wear a mask of independence because we were scolded for being weak as a child. Or, a mask of a helper because as children we were adored when we did things for other people. The problem, he says, is in our relationships those masks can keep us trapped. What we need is to have others relate to us as our authentic selves.

The vulnerabilities we feel we need to hide from the world are often the ones that create the most intimacy in relationships.

How to Break Free From the Mask [26:18]

Building intimate relationships with another person requires building safety with one another. Alex says the key to breaking free of the masks behind what we are trying to hide is:

Awareness — Soften the grip of patterns by recognizing them when they happen and consider why you are hiding.

You can’t heal what you don’t feel.

Make a Connection:

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In Therapy with Alex Howard on Youtube

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Marni welcomes the co-founder of the video speed dating app, Filter Off, Zach Schleien. Zach is a TEDx speaker who knows dating. His passions are technology, health, and creating authentic connections. Zach and the app have been featured in the New York Times and BBC.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What makes video dating efficient
How Filter Off differs from other online dating apps
Eliminate online catfishing
Quickly find like-minded people to date
Best practices for branding yourself online

How Has Online Dating Changed? [1:46] People are more comfortable with video since the pandemic started. Now is the time for Filter Off video speed dating since Zoom meetings and virtual chat groups are commonplace. Pre-pandemic people wouldn't always agree to a video chat. Video is the future of online dating and for good reason.

Zach says video dating is here to stay because people are more comfortable with the technology. Plus, it is efficient. Instead of texting back and forth with a person who just may be catfishing you, women are able to get a feel for who a guy really is. It makes it easier to make an intimate connection and filter out the bad apples.

Making Great Video Connections [6:54]

Filter Off offers multiple ways to make great connections. Make a short video, add your gender and age preferences, and allow Filter Off to offer you matches. You have five days to set up a video date after matches are offered.

There are private communities and there are interest-based communities. For example, if you are into running, there’s an interest-based group for runners, and you automatically find like-minded people.

There are virtual speed dating events. Start chatting, be curious, and share your passions. Filter Off will ask you if the person you are chatting with is a match. If not, move on. If so, set up a short video date. Filter Off even supplies ice breaker questions to get the conversation going.

Video Dating Hacks [18:41]

Zach recommends getting on a video date as soon as possible. This process is so much more efficient and people get a truer sense of one another. Who wouldn’t want to find their real match faster?

Video speed dating allows people to connect for 90 seconds and then decide if it is a match or pass.

Make a Connection:

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Filter Off Dating App

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Marni and Chris discuss the dating lessons gleaned from the latest episode of Bachelor in Paradise. They touch on great basic dating tips to how to get past your childhood wounds and date like an adult.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Rekindling with an Ex
Having sex on the first date
Playing the victim when you don’t get what you want
Dealing with anxiety while dating
Overcoming insecurity

Can a Relationship Be Rekindled After a Breakup [1:02] Kendall, Grocery Store Joe’s ex-fiance, comes back to see if the relationship can be rekindled. They obviously share a physical attraction and connect on many things, but Kendall doesn’t want to talk about why they ended things in the first place. They have goals and values that don’t match up. Joe wants to live in Chicago. Kendall likes L.A.

Chris loves that relationships can be rekindled but warns guys if they get a second shot don't chase the girl.

Marni says rejection is God's protection. If you are dating someone and you are unable to resolve the 69% of perpetual problems and you can't manage conflict the relationship will probably not work out in the long run. Love is necessary but it's not enough.

To get back with your ex — You have to agree about the problem you broke up over and work through it.

Stay cautiously optimistic and not rush toward exclusivity.

Then they discuss Disaster Demi. She gets upset when Kenny dates other people after they sleep together. She tries to seduce him again and Kenny is obviously over it. Marni notes if you make a decision to sleep with someone, communicate your expectations around it or assume it means nothing. Demi turns into a victim when she doesn't get what she wants and it is off-putting.

Leading with sex is not the way to a quality guy's heart.

How to Deal with the Anxiety When You Really Like a Guy [17:11]

How Marissa acts when Riley is out with other people is an example of the ugly side of anxiety. Marissa had never been on a real date and admits she has walls up. During her date with Riley, she has sex with him. Then when Riley goes to a disco, Marissa freaks out. She likes him so much she is leaking insecurity everywhere. She doesn't feel worthy and it is not attractive.

If you find yourself feeling insecure:

You are not comfortable in your worthiness
Wounded parts of you get triggered and you don't know how to self-soothe
You don't know how to manage your emotions

Chris points out that we act like the worst versions of ourselves when we are most excited about getting what we want. He says it is when we tend to fall apart and self-sabotage.

If you are a woman who gets anxious when you like a guy:

Have healthy coping mechanisms, soothe yourself, and look on the bright side
Consider what you are learning from the situation and focus on the adjustments you need to make.
Get advice from a trained expert.

Attracted to the Same Guy as Your Friend? [34:52]

In dating, until you have the exclusivity conversation, it is important to remember that you don't own a person. Many women get into trouble when they form unhealthy attachments. You have to be honest with yourself and even if you have gone out with the guy a few times you have to trust the process. If he wants to date someone else, so be it.

Remember you are dating to try and find your person.

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Marni welcomes the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Battle-tested CEO Krister Ungerböck to the podcast to discuss a communication framework that can save relationships at work and home. Krister shares simple verbal shifts that can transform conversations, reduce conflict, and create intimacy within your relationships.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Ask questions without making people defensive
Create safety in a relationship
What makes words so powerful
Bring awareness to a relationship issue in a playful way

What is TalkShift? [4:03] TalkShift is a communication framework Krister developed after watching many of his business and personal relationships fall apart. Two weeks after stepping down from his position as CEO, his wife walked out on him. He thought he was a good leader but later realized no one wanted to be in a relationship with him.

We don't need to change people, we just need to change our words

Krister describes what makes language powerful and how to use the question words, how and why to ask a question without making the other person defensive. He advises using a scale to understand the true depth of a person’s feelings.

Solve Problems in a Playful Way [17:23]

Research shows that men tend to thrive upon the approval and encouragement from their female partners. This means when a woman criticizes or doesn't offer encouragement to a man, it feels as if he is taking an emotional hit.

Women tend to leave a relationship twice as frequently as men.

Marni and Krister both openly share a personal experience about a communication gap in their current relationships. In both instances, an unintentional repetitive pattern plays out during conversations. Krister says by bringing the habit into awareness and giving it a name, the issue can be resolved in a playful way without causing resentment or anger.

A subtle, non-intentional repetitive manner of communication can erode a relationship, or someone's self-esteem in a relationship.

Creating Intimacy From Conflict [30:35]

Krister points out that whenever we find ourselves angry there is always an underlying driver. There are four underlying feelings, being afraid, ashamed, guilty, or sad. A key to dissolving anger is to ask yourself what is behind your anger. Then choose one of the four underlying feelings. This will help to get to the root cause of an issue and allow us the freedom to discuss what is truly bothering us.

We all have triggers. Knowing our partners triggers makes it easier to give them a pass. When our partner is triggered don’t expect to have a deep conversation right away. Let the moment pass and then have deeper conversations about what sets each other off when the situation has passed.

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TalkShift

Krister

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Marni and Chris get together to discuss what insane people do when they are dating that they don't think they do. After watching the double episode of Bachelor in Paradise, Marni took away the obvious dating lessons to share. If you think the way to get a quality guy is to be the ‘cool girl' or you are afraid to commit because you don't want to miss out, there are great lessons for you in this episode.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why to Date Multiple People Simultaneously
Break Patterns of Self-Sabotage
Being Resilient in Dating
Confidence is Attractive

What Makes 40 Year Old Kenny So Desirable? [2:13] What makes Kenny the most desirable guy in this group? Kenny is 40 and relatively mature. Chris thinks all the chicks are fighting over him because he seems to be comfortable in his own skin. Kenny is dating with dignity. He is not doing douche-baggy things. He makes it clear he is ready for a long-term relationship.

Mari tells Kenny she wants to date other people. He responds by telling her he will be doing the same. And, while dating multiple people at the same time is dignified and can help you figure out who will make a good partner. The way Mari delivered the message left a lot to be desired.

Kenny is dating multiple people at the same time to find a long-term partner.

Marni says if you are afraid to commit and are dating someone who has self-worth, when you tell the other person you want to see other people, you should mean it. A person who has self-worth, like Kenny, will not take it personally and do what you suggest. Kenny slept with Demi shortly after Mari spoke with him.

Quality Guys Get Bored When You Self-Sabotage [20:07]

If you have a pattern of sabotaging your relationships, it is likely guys you are dating will become disinterested. Consider if you are putting all of your cards on the table, or whether you make it too hard for him to take things to the next level. He might just get bored and find someone else who is easy to date.

Abigail is an example of someone who doesn’t open up and reciprocate feelings. She admits to being a self-sabotager but she can’t seem to break the pattern. Noah says he will try to break down her walls but after a while, he will become disinterested. It is tragic.

How to Be Resilient in Dating [29:28]

Aaron displays a great example of resilience after Tammy dumps him. Even though he was really bummed out he did not let it impact his ability to stay true to his goal. He didn’t take it personally, he didn’t go into victim, and he shifted his energy.

If someone informs you they want to stop dating, give yourself time to be bummed out but get over it. Stay in the game and make another connection.

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Marni and Chris hunker down in the Den to talk about the dating lessons learned from following the recent Bachelor episode. There were some real no-nos this week and some great examples of the issues many of us have when dating.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why fake it ‘til you make it doesn't work in dating
Become rejection-proof
Don’t take things personally
When women lead with sex
Dating multiple people

Confidence or Overcompensation? [2:19] Marni and Chris break down how Demi’s obnoxiousness is probably a cover-up for her low self-worth, keeping in mind that the producers may have prodded her to stir up some trouble. They think Tammy is displaying real confidence but she may enjoy getting attention from drama.

Marni shares an observation from her years of experience coaching clients — Many women believe they are confident and they are not meeting a man who is at their level.

When faking confidence it comes across that you are uncomfortable in your skin, and people feel it.

Demi led with sex, overtly kissing Brendan and making it well known she was interested in him physically. Brendan did a great job in telling her that he was exploring all of his options but to save face Demi talked poorly about him and called him a Player.

Marni says that yes, men want to have sex with you considering they think about sex every seven seconds but when you lead with sex what vibe are you giving off? If you make yourself available sexually it does not increase your opportunities with men. Chris says it is not attractive for a woman to make it clear she is interested in sex over and over. A great sexual connection does not mean you are made for each other.

Become Rejection-Proof [20:03]

If you have a great date with a guy, give things a chance to unfold. If you don't hear from a guy for a couple of days there are some dignified things you can do to reach out, but remember it was just one date.

People date other people, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Don’t take it personally.

Rejection is not personal. It is just that you and the other person are not a match. Be the person you want to attract, don’t take things personally, and you will become rejection-proof. Chris adds, that once you are rejection-proof you probably won't get rejected because it is so sexy.

Everyone wants to be loved for who they are if they are emotionally available and want to be in a relationship.

Ladies, it is fine to date more than one person at once. There is no shame in it. If a guy asks if you are dating other people, respond with kindness and honesty. You can not screw up a new relationship with the right guy.

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Marni welcomes a former Bachelor winner and Dating with Dignity client into the Den. In 2016, Estella Renee was chosen by Bachelor Bob only to find out he was dating someone else. Today, she is happily engaged and runs a successful health and wellness business. She shares what she needed to shift before finding the man she has always wanted.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Healing from past heartbreak
Learning to unlock your heart
Why your online dating profile should reflect your non-negotiables
When you do the work, the right guy will find you

When Everyone Knows You Have Been Hurt [3:15] Shortly before the Bachelor, Estella suffered a two-fold heartbreak. Her father passed away, then the man she was dating broke up with her. Then to top things off, after Bachelor Bob chose her, it was revealed that he was dating someone else when they were supposed to be working toward a relationship. The rejection was televised and she felt embarrassed by it.

Estella bottled up her vulnerability and put up her love shield.

But, she was determined to find her man. She searched dating coaches and found Marni. She believes divine intervention was at play. She was 40, she had not yet met her partner, and she wanted a family. She asked God for guidance and she made the call that changed her life.

Doing the Work [20:36]

After working with Marni for just a short time she had her first breakthrough. It had become clear to her that she was attracting emotionally unavailable men because she was emotionally unavailable. She felt she wanted to commit, but she was not prepared to fully open her heart, and men could sense it.

We are all humans and while men like the pursuit, everyone wants to feel safe when dating.

Her biggest hurdle, she says, was signing up for an online dating site. She felt the chance of her meeting someone there was impossible. Marni told her to choose her five non-negotiables and she could not negotiate her non-negotiables.

If you break a promise to yourself early on it will be the thing that breaks the relationship down the road.

During COVID, Estella scheduled three to four facetime dates in one day.

Trusting in the Process [34:26]

Estella was only on Match.com for two weeks. Her fiance was one of the first people to contact her after reading her lengthy, but clear profile. He was intrigued by her ability to relay what she wanted from a relationship.

Soon to be married, she and her fiance are also opening a new studio focused on recovery and repair in addition to sculpting the body.

Estella says the difference she feels after doing the work is that she is the best version of herself in this relationship.

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Estella Renee

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This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about the trainwreck finale that includes angry family members, Katie and Blake getting engaged and some of the worst hosting in TV history.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to step back from an argument
Why it is wrong to label someone
Vulnerability or oversharing?
Take responsibility for your half of a relationship

Are You Ready to Date Again? [1:55] One thing for sure is you must be emotionally free of past relationships before you are ready to date again. Marni points out that Katie did not have time to get past her relationship with Greg Grippo before getting engaged to Blake Moynes. Chris thinks Greg was treated unfairly.

During the episode, the audience meets Katie's mom and her aunt Lindsey, who was very angry and disconnected. Marni says it explains why Katie can go from being fun and playful to stone-cold quickly. Marni hypothesized that there may be a lot of secrets in the family based on their actions and remembers back to a past episode when Katie finds out that her father was not her biological father.

Katie looked belittled by her family.

Oversharing is Not Vulnerability [24:03]

When Katie and Blake performed the burning ceremony, Katie opened up about her insecurities and her need for safety. Later, Blake said it was too much pressure and it scared him to have that responsibility on his shoulders. Marni points out that Katie shouldn't put her emotional safety in the hands of another person.

It’s hard to believe Blake is Katie’s soul mate after seeing the breakup with Greg and all in such a short time.

Katie Should Apologize to Greg [36:48]

Greg accused Katie of wanting to play the part of the Bachelorette and he may have been right even though he is an actor. Marni is a big fan of Greg and how he maintained a mature stance during the finale. He seems to be a genuine guy who had genuine feelings for Katie.

If someone rails on you, don't go back so they can do it again.

In real-life dating, if you get into a heated argument ask the other person for a break. It is better to pause and excuse yourself until things calm down than to say something you don’t mean. Agree on a time to reconvene and start over.

And, Marni believes Katie should apologize to Greg. As it was inappropriate to put a psychological label (Gaslighter) on Greg just because she was pissed off.

In the end, everyone just wants love.

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Marni welcomes Michael Tennant, the Founder of the conversation card game, Actually Curious, into the Den to discuss how to create connection and conversation through empathy and curiosity. Michael is an advocate for diversity, mental well-being, and empathy. His workshops and the card game have been featured in the New York Times, Goop, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, and others.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Create connection through empathy
Sample questions to ask a date
Tips for preparing for a date
How to shift the energy of a conversation

How Actually Curious Creates Connection Through Empathy [1:39] Michael describes his previous life when coming from the ‘get’ energy. He says he didn't know much about himself. He went out seeking his self-confidence and self-worth through dating. Then after discovering his empathy energy he realized what was missing within himself and learned how to love himself fully.

With Actually Curious, Michael knew he had created a game that enhanced trust-building. The card game helps people ask thoughtful questions to other people to understand where they are coming from. In dating, people can decide if they want to start dating casually or get into the topics that matter in long-term relationships and use the knowledge to bridge gaps.

When playing Actually Curious, it starts light and levels up as trust is created.

Understanding Ourselves Helps Us Understand Others [15:40]

Fear can close us off energetically. The nervous system holds on to trauma and can create a physical response when we are confronted by a trigger. The Actually Curious cards offer people tools to practice responding to certain stimuli. They can also be used to build muscle memory around the physical aspects of trauma. It can be used when prepping for a date to help us understand why we feel the way we do.

You have to be connected to yourself before you can connect to someone else.

Creating Harmony from Conflict [23:33]

Michael says when people are aware and use a more evolved language with each other empathy and understanding can be products of conflict. Learning how to resolve conflict can create a deeper connection between couples and family members.

Michael asks Marni some of the questions from the game. As soon as they start talking about what they are passionate about the energy of the conversation shifts and they create a deeper connection to each other.

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Actually Curious Cards

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This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about the mesmerizing episode where Greg Grippo breaks up with Katie! Does Katie have her love shield up? Is Greg too ‘real' for TV?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Navigating conflict in a relationship
Ask higher-quality questions
How to have a successful long-term relationship
Gaslighting or authenticity?

Were There Off Camera Communication Between Katie and Greg? [2:06] When Greg declared his love it was the rawest and most memorable moment in Reality TV. Greg Grippo was supposed to be THE guy for Katie. He was always more focused on the relationship, not the drama the producers prodded. Marni points out several instances when Katie pleaded for Greg not to go but ‘on camera’ Greg never mentioned he was going anywhere.

Does Katie have an unwarranted fear of abandonment that she pushed on Greg?

Where is the Katie we knew and loved from the beginning of the season? Did she turn into a robot? She barely responded when Greg said he loved her. Things heated up quickly. The thing that killed Katie and Greg was their inability to deal with conflict in a relationship.

Team Greg [19:29]

Marni thinks Greg is in love with Katie but he does not care about the theatrics of the show. She thinks he got scared about falling in love with Katie. Chris thinks Greg dated with dignity, and once the game show aspect of the show was over he wanted to get real but Katie couldn't commit. Men love being the knight in shining armor but Katie wouldn’t allow herself to accept it.

Katie has a hard time receiving love. She has her love shield up.

To have a successful long-term relationship:

Both parties need to be committed to individual growth.
Both parties need to be committed to the growth of the relationship.

Greg was honorable. He collected data and the data he collected was not a good match for him. Both Marni and Chris believe Greg will not agree to be in the spotlight after the show ends. They believe he was in it to find love.

Do the Guys Who Said Goodbye Still Want Katie? [49:51]

Marni asks Chris if he thinks the guys Katie asked to leave the show feel they dodged a bullet, or do they want to be with Katie now that she is free? Both Chris & Marni think the good guys Katie let go feel like they dodged a bullet.

Katie told the producers off camera she loved Greg but never told Greg to his face.

You are going to have issues in a relationship at some point but when you are dating with intention and self-worth you will have established trust and commitment and be able to work through conflict.

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This week Marni welcomes Guy Shahar into the Den. Guy is the co-founder and lead facilitator of the Tantra Institute and the originator of Tantra Speed Date. He is an advanced certified Tantra educator, writer, and entrepreneur. With decades of experience, he teaches people how to become better lovers and how to heal the rift between masculine and feminine energies.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Surrender into your feminine
Form more intimate connections
Allow a man to make mistakes
How to have fulfilling dating experiences

Tantra Speed Dating [2:55] If you cringe when you think of speed dating, Tantra Speed Dating may be just what you are looking for. Guy explains how Tantra Speed Dating can offer deeper connections between a man and a woman while eliminating the preconceived ideas and judgment normally present when dating.

Dating should be a shared spiritual experience, Guy says. It is designed to help people healthily relate to each other from the beginning of a relationship.

What we think we want may not be in alignment with what we are attracted to.

Asking high-quality questions such as how you feel about yourself in the presence of a particular man is key. Could you feel safe with him if you surrendered into your feminine?

Dropping into Feminine [18:57]

In modern times, women have been taught to be more masculine, maybe too much so. They often feel they have to take care of everything themselves and can’t completely relax or surrender. Guy says when it comes to relationships people can be in different roles. Men want to serve women and understand how to make a woman happy but the woman has to be open to receiving.

The more a woman surrenders into her feminine the more it energetically encourages a man to step up into his masculine because we naturally polarize each other.

On a date, if a woman shows up in her masculine a man might have to alpha compete to see who will be in the masculine or it can polarize him into his feminine. If you want a man in his masculine it being in your masculine will sabotage your efforts.

Allow a man a few mistakes while he gets to know you.
Encourage a man to be in his masculine role.
Develop a relationship with your body.
Give a man a mission, then reward him for carrying it out.
Stop believing the cultural rhetoric about men

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This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about what is going on behind the scenes with Katie. She was extremely guarded, unlike the authentic, likable character she displayed on previous shows.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Internal strife shows in your body language
The show is just a game after all
Single parents have different dating rules
How vulnerability can soften tough blows

Maybe Love Doesn’t Conquer All? [2:10] When Midwesterner, Michael A. had to break up with Katie we all understood. He says he needs to be a great dad first and this dating show is just a game. He bails but for all the right reasons. He is a genuinely cool dude with a lot at stake. He is a business owner, who is responsible for people other than himself.

Katie didn’t leave with him. Maybe reality set in and she realized he, and his situation, wasn’t right for her. It is a great example of being in a relationship with someone who has kids to consider.

Marni and Chris agree that Katie went into game-playing mode since she knows she will choose Greg anyway. The question is… why is she suddenly showing up like Fembot 3000? Her body language displayed annoyance and she had her guard up. All the things that made her likable seemed to have disappeared.

Finally, the producers found a fun group of high-quality guys to be on the Bachelorette.

Get Rid of Bad Energy with Honesty [16:57]

What should you do if you are having a crappy day and have to deal with something you don’t want to do? Or deal with someone you don’t want to date? Marni says if you find yourself in a similar situation try dipping into your vulnerability and articulate how you are feeling. Honesty and integrity go hand-in-hand when it comes to these kinds of situations.

Greg, Blake, or Justin? [27:45]

Chris predicts Katie is keeping Justin around as a place-holder and will ultimately choose Greg. But, he thinks Greg may not want to be had after how his phone blew up with other offers.

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This week Marni welcomes Daniel Herrold into the Den. Daniel is the co-founder of Divorced Over 40, a group that provides community to divorced men and women the world over who are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. The community intends to foster and cultivate relationships and friendships organically. Divorced Over 40 has over 10,000 virtual members in 50 cities in 7 countries.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Benefits of people who understand what you are going through
Preparing yourself for a new life, post-divorce
Meeting people in a group setting takes the edge off
Cultivating friendships with members of the opposite sex
Navigating dating without apps

Dating After Divorce is a Process [2:13] Daniel was inspired to create Divorced Over 40 because he lost many of his friends when he got divorced. He needed time to heal and figure out who he was but still needed connection. He wanted to create a way for people to connect and build friendships post-divorce without the stigma of a culture that implies one must jump into the next relationship, or to date right away.

He says there is a season after divorce when people aren’t ready to date again. If they are healing or trying to figure out who they are. Even though the platform can be utilized as a springboard into dating, it is designed to create connections first.

People are at the height of their attractiveness when they don't need a plus one.

Everyone is yearning for connection and many people are disenfranchised with the dating process and apps, Daniel says. His community provides an alternative for people to meet in a non-pressured way to build friendships.

Getting divorced offers the opportunity to reconnect with who you are.

It is possible to create a new life of rebirth and rediscovery after you have done the healing work. Daniel says many people start dating before they figure themselves out. Which ultimately wastes time because you end up with a lot of unaligned connections.

Navigating New Friendships [16:59]

It is important to have good intentions when investing in creating new connections. Go out and meet people more often. Daniel says consistency is the key growth factor of his community-building events.

Practice being open-hearted and having fun during your transition time after a divorce.

People can hold on to their old life because they are scared. Daniel says the common denominator is that everyone requires true connection. He adds that it is beneficial to have people who understand what you are going through because they have gone through similar things. They are likely more empathetic and understanding. because they get it.

Using Divorce Over 40’s connection tool to cultivate friendships post-divorce allows you to cultivate platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Something you may not have been able to do during a marriage. Know that after divorce it is possible to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex and share thoughts on dating, and relationships.

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Divorced Over 40

Divorced Over 40 on Instagram

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This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about ‘Machete’ Katie. She is a break-up artist. Is she breaking up with guys quickly because she has already chosen Greg?

Key takeaways from this episode:

Examples of how mature, high-quality guys act
TV is made for drama
Do women want vulnerable men?
Has Katie already made her choice?

Guys Try to Get to First Date [2:10] Marni and Chris make note that not all the guys are getting one-on-one time with Katie. There are 5 or 6 guys left and not all of them have even gotten to their first date. If the show is designed to end in engagement the producers better get on it.

Tip — don't get engaged to someone to whom you have never been on a date.

Brendan is an example of a quality guy. He never got a date card and he wanted to know why. He went directly to Katie and asked. Marni thinks it should have been the other way around and Katie should have said something to Brendan before he felt it necessary to go to her.

A quality person lets the other person know how they are feeling and why something is not working.

When you break up with someone, mimic what Andrew did. Don't send the one last thing text. Go to the other person and say “let's end this with a smile.” Marni reiterates that actions are important. If you don't want to be the backup person, bow out when it's appropriate.

Look for a guy who has the mature qualities Andrew S. displays.

Katie & Greg Forever [22:08]

Marni has a theory about what is going on behind the scenes. She thinks Katie sat down with the producers and let them know she has already made her decision to choose Greg. But, the producers still have some weeks to fill with content so they are giving her easy break-ups so she can go through the motions.

Bachelorette Predictions? [31:01]

Marni and Chris both agree it will be Greg. Although Chris believes Katie is choosing Greg for different reasons than Marni. Chris says Katie is like a nurse to Greg and she is addicted to his resting, sad face. When he is unsure and wavering, Katie enjoys reassuring him. Chris thinks the relationship will get stale after a little while.

Marni, on the other hand, thinks Greg signed up for the Bachelorette thinking the show is stupid. But, he likes Katie so he is trying to ignore the TV/entertainment aspects. He feels out of integrity with himself to keep the show going. And, Katie doesn’t want him to leave the show before she chooses him.

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In this intriguing episode, Marni welcomes Misa Hopkins into the Den. Misa has been a pioneer in the field of feminine consciousness for over 20 years. She is a five-time bestselling author and appears in the newly released documentary, The Spark. We discuss her ability to balance consciousness through mystical initiations in masculine and feminine energies.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to tap into emotional wisdom
Be truly seen for who you are
Healing through emotions
Find a partner to grow with
How to bless and release someone

Emotional Wisdom & Healthy Relationships [1:31] Emotional wisdom is anchored in sacred feminine consciousness. Women go through cycles of intense emotions starting from their first menstruation. For centuries, women have been taught that emotions are a problem to be suppressed. But that is incorrect, Misa says. Our emotions are gateways to our inner wisdom, intuition, and ultimately to our awakening.

All of your emotions are valid.

The emotional walls we built to protect us from early hurts may be hindering growth and relationships. Misa says when doing internal work you don't have to relive all the pain. When emotions of anger and sorrow bubble up into consciousness, be compassionate toward them.

It is self-honoring to love yourself through the emotion.

When we map an energy onto a man by looking to them to help us through our emotional journey, we strip them of who they are.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way [25:14]

Misa says she pushed away plenty of beautiful people from her life because she expected them to be what she needed to be for herself. Marni adds many women are looking for a male version of themselves.

In dating, be present and find out who a man is without imposing your wants and needs on to him.

Misa asks us to remember there is no growth if we find ourselves with a duplicate of ourselves. Why not be with a man who stretches you or who gets you to try new things in life?

When someone new comes into your life, ask why the universe sent them. If the two of you don't completely sync up, use the time as an opportunity to bless someone else in their journey.

Bless & Release [30:14]

If a person you meet is not aligned with your desires, direct your thoughts toward how you will feel when you are with a partner who is suited for you. You can't be aware of or attract a potential partner when you are in the wrong headspace.

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Misa Hopkins

Sacred Feminine Awakening

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This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about how much they like Katie, why kissing shouldn’t be the end of a relationship, and the importance of getting the important, lifestyle questions out at the beginning of the dating process.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Less is more when it comes to physical alterations
When to ask tough questions in the dating process
Guys wank off all the time
Predictions about Katie’s frontrunners

Katie Narrows Down the List [2:23] Connor, aka the Cat Guy, took a big hit after what seemed to be a great date. Katie says goodbye to him and when he asks why she twists the knife and says it was his kiss. Marni says Katie has other guys to choose from so she can be picky but in real life dating if you meet your version of Connor, don’t let kissing be the end all be all. Katie should have been gentler with Connor.

It IS possible to instruct and work with men who have challenges in the kissing department.

In a long-term relationship, the amount of kissing dwindles over the years. Don’t judge someone based on a few kisses.

Marni and Chris agree the double date with Kaitlyn’s new face was unnecessary. Why would the producers do it? And as far as changing your face or body because you think guys like it, Marni’s advice is less is more, including spider-like eyelashes.

If you change your appearance to be what you think guys find attractive you are wrong.

The WOWO Challenge [13:43]

The guys of the Bachelorette were given a challenge to not masturbate. The producers aired conversations about how much each one wanks off. Marni has a hard time believing some guys do it three times a day until Chris clarifies that it’s true. He says it is important to get rid of all the bullets in your gun before a date, especially if you like a girl. He adds that men can turn primal and become dumb animals looking at T&A.

If the guy you are dating looks at porn, don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you, men think about sex every 7 seconds.

Bachelorette Predictions: Who Will Katie Choose? [17:43]

Katie can not keep a villain on the show. It is probably driving the producers crazy. As soon as there is drama Katie shuts it down and says goodbye to the guy causing it. When she discovered Hunter lied twice she asked him about it. He seemed disinterested in defending himself so she said goodbye.

Chris predicts Katie will choose between Greg, Blake, and Andrew. He feels like she wants to hurry up and make a decision. Marni thinks Greg is the frontrunner.

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Marni welcomes the Authors of Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings About Technology from Telegraph to Twitter, Dr. Susan Matt, and Luke Fernandez into the Den. Luke is an Assistant Professor at Weber State School of Computing and Susan is a Professor of History at Weber State. Both have been published in the Washington Post.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Emotions are created by culture
Effects of technology on expectations
Reframing ideas and feelings
Enjoying solitude versus fear of loneliness

How Technology is Changing People [2:08] Our personalities and emotions are changing due to social media. Past generations didn’t quantify their worth with how many friends they had. They didn’t get bored as easily because no one was pressuring them to use their time. Susan points out the word boredom didn’t exist until the 19th century.

Luke encourages us to think of emotions and feelings as not just biological but as things that are shaped by the world around us. By technologies and language.

Technology companies lead us to believe that happiness is being connected all the time.

Unrealistic Expectations [15:39]

There is an entire 'loneliness' industry that touts the message that we need more friends. As advertisements began to saturate through new media outlets, people started believing the hype.

We may be more connected than our ancestors but the amount of loneliness we are prone to is the same.

Luke reminds us that in the past people would admit to being lonely and join loneliness clubs. In the current environment, many people feel shame due to not having the ‘right’ amount of friends or FOMO. But, it is all based on conditioning and language. Enjoying solitude connotes something different than suffering loneliness.

How Did the Pandemic Change Us? [25:36]

During the pandemic, technology was extremely useful in keeping us connected with our loved ones and offered us a sense of community even though we were restricted to our homes. Luke is optimistic about how technology can help us in these ways and says it shouldn’t be vilified.

Change How We React [33:12]

Luke and Susan didn’t intend for their book to be a self-help guide. But, Luke says just being aware of how we use technology and how we react to our feelings can shift our perspectives and remove the stigma of loneliness. Ultimately, it is up to us and the language we use with ourselves.

Emotions are not set in stone. We can change the way we feel about something.

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Luke Fernandez

Dr. Susan Matt

Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings about Technology, from the Telegraph to Twitter

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Marni welcomes the Creator of the Cooch and Gooch Ball, Jana Danielson. Jana’s health issues were the catalyst for her career shift. She transformed her life and became a wellness entrepreneur. She runs a series of integrated health therapy clinics and educates clients on pelvic floor fitness tools, including the Cooch Ball.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Holistic caring for the body as a system
The importance of breathing properly
Maintaining structural integrity
How the Cooch Ball can release your inner vixen

Integrated Health: Systems, Not Pieces [2:47] Jana is passionate about teaching people to increase their health and wellness. She is all about being inspired by real women, understanding our bodies, and taking action to change the body from the inside out.

She says health and wellness have been a 'pieces' approach. When we approach it this way we create asymmetries and dysfunction in the body. She adds that it is beneficial to consider our bodies as a series of systems. If we work on our systems, we can bring our mindset, our spirit, and our self-love into alignment. It starts from the inside and permeates out.

Pelvic Floor Fitness [7:25]

The diaphragm is the muscle that breathes for us. It is in the crest of the rib cage. And, the pelvic floor is the floor of our core, it is sexy and functional. They work in conjunction with each other.

The more we suck in our guts and try to look a certain way we can disrupt normal body function.

Jana says one simple thing we can do is to become aware of our diaphragmatic breathing. Being conscious of our breath helps our bodies to function at an optimal level.

When inhaling, envision yourself picking up a grape with your vagina, and on the exhale set the grape down. Jana says it can change your life. Look beyond the Kegel, because it is a forced clench and release. This can play into the dysfunction because it creates tightness in the body.

How to maintain structural integrity and fitness as we age:

Posture is critical to our musculature.
Many constrictions are fitness issues, not medical issues.

Cooch Ball [22:32]

Ten years ago Jana worked with a gynecologist in Reno to compare notes on how women could reveal, release, and rejuvenate themselves after childbirth or surgery. They worked together on the basic principles of a muscle needs nutrient-rich blood flow to flourish, and rewiring patterns and habits can be achieved through neuroplasticity,

Jana played around with different-sized balls and rollers to create a tool and platform she could use to educate people about pelvic floor issues. She says the name Cooch Ball was designed to grab their attention.

A pelvic floor tool is like a best friend. It helps to connect with your body spiritually and consciously.

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Metta District

Cooch & Gooch Ball

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Marni welcomes the Founder of the Fioneers into the Den. Jessica is a writer, speaker, coach, and author of the award-winning personal finance lifestyle blog, The Fioneers. Her lifestyle design program helps clients discover their values, design the life they want, and attain financial freedom. Today, she shares the practices and strategies her clients use to shift their lives.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to discover your values
The formula for financial freedom
Rediscover joy
Get off auto-pilot to design the life you want

You Can Have the Life You Want [2:34] Jessica describes lifestyle design as an iterative process, not a linear goal. It is the process of figuring out who you are, what you want, what your values are, and your strengths and limitations. This process allows you to dream big and then make a plan to make your dreams a reality.

She shares her journey of pivoting from a job she didn’t enjoy to becoming financially independent. When she started suffering emotional turmoil and panic attacks, she knew she had to leave her toxic job.

Ask yourself ‘What can I get my money to do to have the life I want right now?’

After ingesting as much financial information as could, Jessica realized she could use her money to live the life she wanted.

You can have a lot of money or a little money and still know nothing about it.

Lifestyle Design [24:11]

Jessica started the process of making it a reality in her life. She took six months off from work. She removed everything from her life and then decided what she put back in. She made a financial plan and built up her emergency fund.

She advises starting by asking yourself what percentage of your day or week is doing something that you love and getting off auto-pilot.

We don’t honor ourselves by doing the things we think we should be doing instead of what we want to be doing.

Powerful tools to evoke action:

Meditation practice — Journaling and Yoga are useful.
Rediscover joy — Do something every day that makes you happy.
Make a list of the things you eliminate from your life to make your life better.

If you weren't burned out how would you be spending your time?

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The Fioneers

Fioneers Coaching Program Waitlist

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This episode of the Bachelorette features a never-before-seen moment in TV history. Fans who watched were able to celebrate Katie saying goodbye to the villain before the lame drama started, Nick Viall shows up for no reason, and guys expose vulnerable moments from their past.

Key takeaways from this episode:

The right time to discuss your past
Ask follow up questions for clarity
Why believe a guy when he tells you who he is
Guys getting vulnerable makes for good television

Sharing is Caring [1:44] In this episode, Katie had a second date with a group of guys and asked them to share something vulnerable. Marni and Chris agree it was a great segment. Most of the guys sincerely shared very personal things they were ashamed of or bad choices they made. One guy got emotional and cried.

Katie was compassionate and shared a vulnerable moment from her past. She explained why she is #sexpositive.

When is it the right time to share your back story? Marni recommends sharing vulnerabilities on the third or fourth date. Don’t wait until you are six months to a year into a relationship. It’s too late.

Getting Rid of the Villian [11:24]

Even if the producers wanted to keep the drama high, Katie dumped Carl before he had a chance to wreak havoc. A new contender for the dislikeable character award reared his head up though, Thomas. Instead of sharing something vulnerable, Thomas pushed his agenda by saying he is only on the show to build his platform. Both Marni and Chris agree that he put his cards on the table and was truthful about who he was but who he is doesn’t make good partner material.

A mistake many women make is thinking they can change a guy or the chemistry is so amazing they don't really listen to when a guy tells them who he is.

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In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with bestselling author Matthew Coast about what it takes to be a forever woman. In his book, The Forever Woman: Make Him See You as the Woman He Wants Forever, he outlines the top three ways women become a person of value. He shares the important details in this conversation.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to be a woman of value
1 things women do to not show their value
Biggest hurdles for men
Moving past your past
Dating in abundance

The Forever Woman Formula [2:51] Guy after guy Matthew speaks with says they doubt they will ever find their forever woman. A poll shows that 87% of men want to find a woman they can settle down with but, they don't believe they will ever find her.

One of the biggest hurdles for men is that they have other things in their way such as insecurities and stagnant patterns. It is difficult to break patterns that have been in place for decades. Men may avoid commitment or they may be scared to open up and not believe someone will love them for who they are.

You can normally see someone's future if you look at the patterns of their past.

A man is more likely to put in extra effort if a woman seems valuable to him. The Forever Woman Formula is all about value:

Believe in your value
Position yourself in value
Communicate your value

A woman who knows her value doesn’t get taken advantage of.

What is a High-Value Woman [25:18]

Matthew says it is obvious when a woman values herself. He recommends being in a position where men are competing for your love, attention, time, and commitment. He says when most women come to him they are concentrated on just one guy. Something that when gender-flipped, men call it 'one-itis' a disease for being stuck on one person who doesn't like you as much as you like them or isn't reciprocating in the way you want them to.

Live in abundance, meaning being open to dating more than just one man.

#1 Communication Issue for Women [31:14]

Matthew says many women are afraid to communicate what they want because they are scared they don't deserve it, or a man will freak out and run away. But, what women ultimately find is when they do speak their value certain guys run off but others, the high-quality guys step up.

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Matthew Coast on Youtube

The Forever Woman: Make Him See You as the Woman He Wants Forever by Matthew Coast

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This episode of the Bachelorette features a virgin, a best lover contest, and lots of tongue tennis. Marni and Chris discuss Katie’s questioning style, why it’s important not to rule someone out too soon, and early predictions of the challenges Katie faces this season.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Kissing and sex on TV, good or bad?
How to use open-ended questions to collect more data
Dating a guy with a fetish
It is refreshing to see people kiss with their eyes closed

I Wanna Be Your Lover [1:13] In this episode, Katie played the ‘Best Lover’ game with the guys. Each guy had the opportunity to turn her on and to share an example of how they would be the best lover to her if they had a future together.

Marni and Chris have different views about all of the spit swapping taking place on the show. Marni doesn’t mind watching the intimate moments but Chris thinks the kissing was gross. He says it is equivalent to watching fish in a barrel fighting over food pellets. He leans into the possibility that Greg is a good kisser, but watching the cat guy suck face was more than he could bear. At least, they both agree, that everyone closed their eyes unlike Matt James of the Bachelor.

Doesn’t it seem like these guys are nerdier than past Bachelorette studs of previous seasons?

Katie ended up giving the rose to Mike P., the virgin of the group and the honor of being tagged the greatest lover of all time.

The 3 Date Rule [10:16]

It’s not for everyone, but Katie goes camping with Greg for their first date. Chris and Marni agree it is a long time to spend with someone, especially if red flags appear. But, this is the Bachelorette and not exactly real-life dating.

At Dating with Dignity, the team recommends clients go on three dates before ruling someone out. Everyone deserves a second chance and even if you are not enjoying yourself try using the date to practice and hone your dating skills. Maintain eye contact, practice listening, and be optimistic about the other person.

On the show, Katie brings up her father’s death during the camping trip. Greg's reaction to what she shared was sweet but extremely subtle. Marni thought it was sweet. Chris and the guys watching the show with them thought his reaction meant Greg wasn’t into Katie, saying that the way he pulled back seemed like a red flag. Then later, Greg revealed his Dad also passed, changing Chris’ perception. Maybe Greg didn’t want to cry on camera?

Going on three dates offers a guy the chance to open up and be vulnerable. Remember, there may be stuff below the surface we don't see at first glance.

Questions and Curiosities [29:35]

Marni and Chris discuss the hard interview style Katie used when asking Cody about his character. Marni points out that ‘yes’ and ‘no’ questions only get you ‘yes’ and ‘no’ answers. So, say no to the checklist! A better dating strategy is to share a little something about yourself then ask a curious question, such as ‘Do you relate to that at all?’. Open-ended questions will extract more information and make the guy more willing to share his feelings.

Early predictions about Katie on this season of the Bachelorette:

She may have trouble collecting data about the guys.
She may be protecting herself and have her guard up.

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Marni welcomes body language and presence expert, Rachel Coosar into the Den to learn more about what men are thinking by reading their body language and non-verbal expressions. Rachel is responsible for the Choreography for Business program helping business leaders with performance in extremely high-pressure contexts.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What non-verbal cues are you leaking
Better dates through body language
Aligning your body with how you feel
Recognizing a player
Dating after COVID

Non-verbal Cues and Leaking [2:07] Rachel shares how she uses her superpower of being a body language expert by taking people watching to the next level. She describes the process she uses to know more about the couples she sees in the wild.

She says many people hyperfocus on the face and eye contact but when you can see someone's full body other cues are happening that provide more information.

There are 7 Universal Expressions:

Happiness
Sadness
Anger
Shock
Disgust
Contempt
Surprise

While people-watching, look for these cues to practice the art of reading a person’s body language. Do people lean in toward each other? Are the people relaxed, or are they over-exaggerating their body language trying to make their interest known? Rachel says women tend to use their upper body while men look deep into the woman’s eyes.

Are the non-verbal cues you are exhibiting congruent with how you feel?

How to Align Your Body Language with How You Feel [9:45]

Marni’s leaking theory turns out to be a wider practice done by experts. Unconscious beliefs about ourselves or other people do leak into our conscious life. If we are insecure our insecurities can show up in our non-verbal expressions. and being guarded.

If you are on a date and you are nervous, figure out where it is showing in your body. Are you fiddling with your jewelry, picking your nails, playing with a napkin or glass? Rachel says self-touch is something we can do to soothe ourselves. If you notice yourself fidgeting, express the energy you want by giving yourself some reassurance. Try stroking your arm while mentally noting that all is well.

Myths about reading body language:

You can tell exactly what people are thinking.
You can not adopt gestures or actions that send a specific message.

If it's not authentic, subconsciously people will notice something is off.

Body Orientation for Better Dating [43:07]

Sitting directly across from the person you are dating is taking an adversarial position. Rachel says if that person is potentially a partner try sitting at the bar so you both are shoulder to shoulder facing inward. Or, if you are at a table, orient your body a little sideways, angled toward the other person. If your intuition makes you angle away from them it could be a red flag.

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Rachel Cossar's Links:

Website

Programs

Free Communication Power Hour workshops

Amazon book page

When You Can't Meet in Person: A Guide to Mastering Virtual Presence and Communication

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Marni and Chris are back to dish about the newest season of the Bachelorette. Katie Thurston was a contestant on the Matt James Bachelor season and is now in the hot seat and looking for a life-long partner. She is authentic, playful, and #SexPositive. Let’s dive into the dating lessons that came out of the first episode of the new season.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What being #sexpositive means
How to be gracious when a guy is awkward
Getting clear about your type
The thoughtful gimmicks that worked on Katie

What Being #SexPositive Means [1:51] Bachelorette Katie Thurston was on the Matt James Bachelor season. She brought the vibrator to the limo introduction. Know we get to know more about Katie and what she means when she declares herself #SexPositive.

Marni and Chris discuss how #SexPositive means you can do what you want and still feel good about being you. There is still resistance from some groups who hold on to the double standard that men can sleep around but, if a woman does it, she is slutty.

If you sleep with someone on the first date, does it ruin your chances at a long-term relationship?

Marni says when you wake up the next day and you still love yourself no matter what happened the night before, that is #SexPositivity. But, she cautions having sex with someone for the wrong reasons such as you think you will get them, you think that if you don't they will not want to see you again, or you feel shitty afterward, or he doesn't call and you beat yourself up. That is not dating with dignity.

Guys Get Awkward on First Dates Too [11:14]

Chris admits guys get nervous before first dates too. And, it is especially scary for guys to reach over and make the first kiss. He advises giving the guy a break much like Katie did with the guys who were nervous and sweating when meeting her. Remember, it is a produced show with lights, cameras, and crew all standing around. It can be unnerving.

The rule of thumb is to rule people in before you rule people out.

Does Bachelorette Katie Have a Type? [20:19]

At the beginning of the show, Katie says doesn't really have a type and she is open to meeting all types of people but Marni recalls when one of the bachelors got out of the limo Katie said, “OMG, that guy is totally my type.”

Marni questions Chris about possible predictions about Katie’s type based on her backstory and childhood. It was clear she longs to fit in, Chris says. He adds, she might act tough or be secretly sensitive and then asks Marni if she feels Katie is ready to identify, appreciate, and nurture a long-term partner.

Marni likes Katie’s authenticity and playfulness but it is simply too early to tell how she will date. She says we, the audience, had our first date with Katie last night too. Marni speculates that Katie may want someone to fall in love with her because of her desire to belong or she may be interested in the fixer-upper type of guy.

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Marni speaks with an expert in love and intimacy who is known as the queen of juicy love. Stacey Murphy is a recovering perfectionist who helps professional women get out of the competitive self and integrate love, sex, and money into a powerful cocktail.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Top 3 reasons relationships fail
How dating and relationships can be fun
Feminine and masculine dynamics
Nature versus nurture

Top 3 Reasons Relationships Fail [2:01] Both men and women have masculine and feminine energies. As women, it is in our nature to lean more into our feminine and for males to lean more into their masculine. Modern society has conditioned and programmed many women to lean into their masculine in order to further their career aspirations.

Expert, Stacey Murphy says these three things are the top reasons relationships fail:

Incompatibility — People not understanding their true nature or the nature of other people when entering a relationship.
Money — Many people go into a relationship with existing money issues.
Sex — People can be closed off sexually, have a fetish, or are afraid of being truly seen.

When we get hunkered down into only seeing things the way we see them and neither partner wants to budge, but we still want to be in a relationship with our partner it can cause incompatibility. To overcome this, Stacey recommends trying to understand the other person’s nature versus their nurture.

The need to be right. It can prevent us from hearing the truth. When we come from a place of unhealed wounds, we can be anchored in our beliefs but it may not be our true nature.

As a woman are you in your feminine power, or your nature? Are you reacting to your conditioning, programming, or environment? Or, are you in your true nature?

Lead with Your Strengths [17:21]

It may be a generalization, but men view money as a stepping stone to get them to the next part or phase of life. Men gamble with money more, they invest it differently and they have a different attitude about the role money plays in their life.

Many women view money from the viewpoint of safety and security. They want to hold on to it. Stacey advises women not to hoard their money or hold on to it because the scarcity mentality can cause strife in a relationship.

Professional women, earn whatever you want to earn just be careful not to emasculate your partner if you earn more money. Because it can torpedo your relationship toward incompatibility and money issues.

Relationships are about collaboration, not competition.

The 4 Pillars of Love [17:21]

Stacey explains how the four pillars of love connect to the man code formula and the secret to understanding men. And, how women can match themselves to a man.

The four pillars of love are:

Mental
Emotional
Physical
Sexual

Just like the four legs of a chair, the ‘legs’ of a relationship can be a little off-balance or off-kilter, but if one leg is broken the chair or relationship will fall.

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The Vixen Academy

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Marni speaks with an expert in love and worthiness, former Miss USA, Terri Britt. Terri is a spiritual coach who works with women to increase their worthiness quotient. She is an award-winning author of the book, The Enlightened Mom and offers Dating Den listeners a free ebook.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why women feel not good enough
Raise emotional vibrations to feel worthy of love
Attract a loving and supportive partner
Unblock your passion

Getting Off the Hamster Wheel [3:01] As children, we closely observe our parents, and we mimic them. Most parents unknowingly use statements that make children feel not enough. Statements such as, in order to get that you must do this. Children then subconsciously take on the belief they are not enough. We grow up believing we have to prove our worth.

Terri shares her journey through relationships and love. She dated Wayne Newton at the height of his career and gave him power over her because she was grasping for love. After her personal transformation, when she finally took a stand for loving herself and clearing out old energy, she saw all the reasons he was bad for her.

Marni makes the point that when we start to do the inside work, all of our exes seem to come back into our lives. It’s a kind of litmus test where we have to make better choices for ourselves. The unhealthy dynamic is gone and we can see how much we have developed personally.

Our spirits are here to go on a journey. People come into our lives to show us things we need to learn.

Raising Vibrations & Worthiness [21:04]

Terri says our thoughts emit vibrations. Whatever vibrations we hold are what the universe sends us in return. It is what we attract. Terri wanted passion in her life so she kept holding the vision, even though she didn’t know how it would manifest.

If we want to feel worthy, we have to love and nurture ourselves. We have to get rid of the belief that something is wrong with us.

Terri says women tend to grasp at trying to find a person to be in our lives. They put up a facade because we do not feel enough. But, she adds, we are missing the boat because we are energetically sending out that who we are is not enough. We send mixed vibrations out into the world. If we perform, believing we need to act a certain way to be worthy of love, we attract things that are not loving, supportive, nurturing, or beautiful.

When you stop performing, you take back the authority of your life and you become a woman leader.

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Terri Britt

Terri Britt on Facebook

Women Leaders of Love — Free Ebook

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Marni speaks with Certified Financial Planner Sean Fitts about how he works with smart, professional women to create financial freedom and independence so they can get everything they want from life. If you are single, divorced, or widowed, Sean offers important money tips and insights you need to know about.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Understanding money basics
Be confident about money
The freedom of making smart financial decisions
Asking questions about money when dating
Must-have money conversations with potential partners

Understanding the Basics [2:24] First and foremost, no matter what their relationship status is women need to understand money basics, says Sean. It is OK to delegate more in-depth monetary transactions but knowing the basics will keep a bank account from being overdrawn and, more importantly, provide financial security.

Don't be afraid to say "I don't know what that means” when talking to a trusted advisor about financial planning.

The golden rule of financial security is to have a minimum of three months of what you spend, in cash and available to you in the event of an unintended major life event. Sean says, if you are single, protect your income with disability or job loss insurance.

Divorces and Deaths [21:04]

Sometimes life throws us relationship curveballs. And, finances can change drastically as relationships change. Sean advises women to not make any major financial decisions or changes soon after a life shift. The goal is creating financial stability to help sort through the noise of the well-meaning people in our lives. Find your own voice and refrain from making emotionally-based money decisions.

Dating and Money Fundamentals [21:04] Money is important to talk about while dating. Sean says unless you want to raise a child, a man should be able to pay his own way. If you value financial security, it is important to ask money questions early because financial decisions affect every long-term relationship.

Many men believe they will work until they die. Financial planning is about more than having an income.

The right guy is willing to have money conversations because they want the same things from a relationship.

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Sean Fitts

Sean Fitts on LinkedIn

Your Wealth 360

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Today, Marni speaks with a former victim of heartbreak and grief. Michael Golowyn was plagued with rejection, abandonment, and failed relationships for 20-years until he learned to transform his heartbreak into inspiration. Author of the bestselling book, Transforming Your Life V2, Michael discovered a unique solution to overcome heartache and draw in the right person.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to overcome heartbreak
Understand why certain partners were in your life
A proven process for getting over the wrong guy
Why some singles steer away from relationships
How to draw in your ideal partner

Do Men Experience Break-up Grief? [2:39] After a devastating break-up in 2016, Michael realized he had an opportunity to work on himself. He found time to work on a process that works for heartbreak, but it also helps singles manifest their ideal partner. His process is adapted from John DiMartini’s groundbreaking work.

Michael says when we are highly emotional, we are operating from the amygdala, and when we experience a break-up, we go through withdrawal. Exactly like withdrawals from an addiction. We become addicted to certain qualities of a partner. When we break-up, we must grieve and break our addiction.

Our subconscious only sees half the data when we are emotional.

To recover, we need a substitute to latch on to. Michael says it relates to the Conservation of Energy principle, one of the most fundamental laws in physics.

One by one we must replace the addiction to our ex's attributes. It helps bring down the grief. Our survival instincts are to move away from pain and toward pleasure. We need to stop and use our intuition instead of instincts.

Break Down the Break-up [20:32] If the relationship you are grieving is based on sex, comfort, or safety Michael’s process works the same for every type. He says to make a list of everything you miss about your ex and consider who else in your life can replace those feelings.

Ask yourself high-quality questions to remember when your ex exhibited an attribute you were infatuated with and identify how it was a disadvantage to your life and how it harmed your life. Eventually, you recognize how bad your ex was for you.

Life has a way of evolving itself around what our values are.

Singles may be perpetually single because there is a subconscious pain associated with being in relationships they are not acknowledging.

They may have unconscious motives to stay single and unresolved baggage.

Michael says our past partners reflect everything, even issues we have with our parents. They are in our life for a time to help us wake up. It's feedback. We have all the answers we just need to know how to work it.

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Michael Golowyn Coaching

Book a Transformation Session with Michael Golowyn

Michael G. Author page — Transforming Your Life

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In this exclusive episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, Connell Barrett. He teaches men to unlock their most confident and authentic selves so they can connect with wonderful women without being creepy. As a current dater, Connell is all about dating with integrity. He says he can fix any dating problem because he has been through them all!

Key takeaways from this episode:

The inside scoop about problems men face when dating
How men try to overcompensate when they don’t feel worthy
Why men ghost
How to know when a man is looking for a quality relationship
Why some men text too much

Dating Problems Men Experience [3:25] Believe it or not, men have difficulty dating too. They may put on a brave face but lack the confidence to make the first move. Connell coaching clients say the two biggest problems they face are:

They lack confidence — They don’t feel attractive or worthy. This is an internal issue.
They don't know how to talk to women — They don’t know how to express themselves when talking with women. This is an external issue.

Connell says men feel like they have to be witty and funny all the time. They need to know that it is ok to lower the bar and be curious about their date. They don't have to be on all the time. It relaxes guys to know that women don’t expect a show.

Marni asks, what makes a guy feel comfortable on a date so he doesn't feel judged? Or, what if someone shows up on a date and it's not going well... What can a woman do to save it for him?

A man has to realize his value, no matter how the date goes, Connell says. And, he advised women to ask their date to drop the act and show them who he really is because the guy is acting that way because it comes from an insecure place. He is afraid to be vulnerable.

Connell shares a personal example of how a woman helped him to date better. He used to overcompensate. He was arrogant and acting cool, when she asked “why can’t you just be yourself?” It changed his dating life forever.

You can't force chemistry which is what makes it magical.

Why Men Ghost [12:55] One of the worst things a guy can do is make a woman think he is interested and then just stop returning texts and never calling again. So, Marni asks the burning question we all want to know the answer to, Why Do Men Ghost?

Connell says it is basically because they are afraid to say something the other person needs to hear. Guys do it because they are trying to protect themselves from the pain or discomfort of telling a woman they have lost interest and no longer want to date them.

If you ghost someone they could interpret it as not being worthy so, do the right thing and be direct and open.

How to Move Past the Endless Texts [26:13]

When a guy sends several texts a day, it is a sign he is interested, but what if his texts are boring and mundane? Or, worse, he never gets to the asking you out on a date part. Connell advises women to take the lead in the conversation. Start a conversation that is more enjoyable for you. Start flirting and see if he follows.

If he doesn’t respond to flirting like you thought he would remember that many men are clueless. Everyone is afraid of rejection, men included. Anything a woman can do to let a guy know that if he asks her out her answer will be yes, the better.

Be flirty and playful when texting with men. What have you got to lose?

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Dating Transformation

Dating Sucks But You Don’t

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This week’s guest originally appeared on episode three of the Dating Den podcast. Now, she is the VP of Client Success. Christine Kriner rejoins Marni on the show to share the incredible breakthroughs and relationship shifts she experienced after trusting the process.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What may be holding you back from having a great relationship
Benefits of setting boundaries
Courageous moves to help you find your vision
Looking at every situation as a learning experience

Take Action & Apply the Lessons [2:06] Before joining the Institute of Living Courageously Crew, Christine worked for 20-years in the field of personal development. She helped others to develop themselves but never applied the lessons to her own life. She never experienced breakthroughs. But, after some deep listening to Marni's coachings and to the outcomes of other clients, she started applying it to her life and experienced some consequential shifts.

Christine says it changed her. She doesn't believe she would be in the amazing relationship she is in now if she hadn’t taken action and applied the lessons.

Christine says her father told her when she was young that humans aren't monogamous. So, she didn't expect it from her relationships. She would pick the wrong men, the bad boys. She thought she was attracted to the hard-to-get, handsome guy.

Marni and the other master coaches helped her go deeper to uncover some trust issues. She didn't trust herself and she never felt enough.

Set Boundaries [13:59] When Christine realized she was enough, she started setting boundaries and stopped over-giving of herself and her time. Suddenly, the energy of her relationship shifted. She expressed her needs to her partner and he would do whatever it was to make it happen. The relationship dynamic changed entirely. Christine stopped over-giving and her partner started giving of himself more.

There is no express bus to get the life you want. You have to make bold courageous moves to reach your vision.

Trust the Process [25:22] Christine recommends trusting the process because if you do the work it pays off. She says even though she sometimes makes up a story in her head about a situation, she assesses where it came from and decides whether or not it is more about her past or a current need.

When you fail, fail forward because you learn something.

Christine’s advice for other women looking for a fulfilling relationship, ‘Look at every situation as a learning experience’. She never thought having a connected, vulnerable conversation with her partner would be the perfect Friday night date.

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Marc and Angel

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In this lively episode, Marni and Chris discuss all the juicy Bachelor Nation drama. They question the motives of the men chosen to be on the show and spotlight Colton Underwood and Matt James’ escapades. Will this season go down in the history books as the most dramatic season ever? Probably, but there is always the next Bachelor in Paradise to look forward to.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to avoid staying too long in a bad relationship
Should people be forgiven for the actions they take while heartbroken?
How to discern if a guy only looks good on paper
Will Bachelor in Paradise have any contestants?

Colton Underwood, Mr. Perfect? [4:55] Marni and Chris discuss the previous Bachelor, Colton Underwood. If you haven’t already heard, this 29-year-old man was enamored with a girl named Cassie even though he came out as gay on Good Morning America. Colton is accused of planting tracking devices on Cassie’s car and some other ‘light’ stalking activities.

Cassie has not reached out to him, nor made any public statement.

Chris asks Marni if guys deserve a second chance after these types of antics? He recalls a few times he did some ‘weird stuff’ after he suffered heartbreak or was under extreme emotional duress.

Chris also asks how someone can avoid staying too long in a bad relationship. Marni advises him to ask hard questions and trust his gut when it comes to the answers. Look at where you are and make adjustments. Be courageous and do what you need to do for yourself.

If someone isn't emotionally available that is a red flag.

Is Mr. Perfect only perfect on paper?

Matt James, Mr. No Good [20:43] If Matt James had business cards he could confidently make his title, Player. Marni and Chris knew it from the beginning of the season. Since the season has ended a lot has come out about his no-good ways.

He texted Rachel after posting that he was breaking up with her. He then flew her to NYC to continue their relationship. It seems to be all about the social media attention with him. While this is going on, he was talking to another woman named Grace who he had dated before.

So, Rachel is heartbroken. Grace Amerling told him she wasn’t interested and then called Reality Steve and told him the whole story.

Matt James had no intention of settling down when he applied for The Bachelor.

Marni says, in the end, it is what are the values you are looking for in a person, they are consistently demonstrating through behavior over time. It doesn't matter what someone looks like on paper it is about how they are showing up. That's all you need to know.

Chris says, don't date anyone who would be on the Bachelor.

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Marni welcomes bestselling authors and professional coaches, the dynamic duo, Marc and Angel Chernoff into the Den. The couple discusses tips from their latest book, 1000+ Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships, secrets of a lasting relationship, and communication strategies to use in the dating process.

Key takeaways from this episode:

5 questions that can save a relationship
How to have a repair conversation
Communication habits to avoid
The power of being grateful

Questions That Can Save a Relationship [1:58] Relationships are a huge part of our lives. Therefore, the rituals and habits we build and adopt should focus on communication and relationships. A common myth is if we find the right person they will bring out the best in us and make us happy. In reality, WE are the key to our happiness, not another person.

How can we be life-giving to another human being if we are depleted?

When we are in a relationship we need to tune into the other person by checking in with them and inquiring how we can be of service to them. Asking high-quality questions can help us find a resolution before something turns into a problem.

Repairing a Relationship [10:16] If a couple reaches a point when a conversation is getting heated, Marc recommends putting ourselves in the right frame of mind. It is unwise to step into an argument when we are in an elevated emotional state.

It is easy to say something more harshly than we meant when we are irritated or hurt. If a partner leaks or has a moment, consciously take a pause.

How to come back to a conversation and say I am sorry in a healthy way?

After a pause, use a matter-of-fact statement such as ‘this is what I noticed, this is how it makes me feel, and this is what I need’. When talking about our feelings everyone is right.

Happiness Habits for Dating [16:29] People are attracted to energetically happy people. But, when we are meeting new people while dating there is a lot of uncertainty and discomfort. Marc reminds us that this is why it is important we find peace within ourselves.

First dates are about collecting data about the other person. What do you think of them, not what do they think of you? Often, we are partially consumed by that distraction and it pulls us away from collecting the information we should be collecting.

Our mistakes are not who we are. We learn the way, on the way.

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Marc and Angel

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Marni welcomes a sex and intimacy coach into the Den. Irene Fair helps couples make love and sex work in long-term relationships while keeping the passion alive. Irene’s work has been featured in HuffPo, Elite Daily, Bustle, and Scary Mommy.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to want sex again
Dispel myths about libido
Why it is important to communicate your sexual needs early
Why having sex too soon can hurt a sex life later

Losing Libido Isn’t Funny [2:24] It's important to remember sex at the beginning of a relationship is special and unique. It should not be a benchmark for the sexual expectations of a long-term relationship.

When some women become asexual as their libido drops we rarely look at what has happened in a relationship or what is different than in the beginning when the partners first experienced each other.

Irene reminds us, there are various ways to have a sexual connection between partners. Sex doesn't have to mean only traditional intercourse. When we think of sex as only one thing we pigeonhole ourselves because it robs us of the richness of connection and intimacy.

We all need to let loose and surrender to the moment.

Communicating Sexual Needs [8:40] Contrary to popular belief, Irene recommends communicating sexual needs at the beginning of a relationship. She says do not wait until problems show up to discuss them with your partner. Because it is common for men to initiate or to lead the sexual aspect of a relationship. Therefore, he leads from his perspective or what works for him without fully understanding what works best for us.

It can lead women to try to keep up with or reject their partner which can create a negative dynamic.

Having our emotional needs met is the key to a woman’s sexual desire engine. Men function differently.

Tips for a Successful Sex Life [15:54] While it is important to communicate your sexual needs early in a relationship, Irene warns against having sex too soon while dating. She points out that once you are being manipulated by all those crazy hormones you will be bonded to a person before you know if they are right for you.

Hormones released during sex can keep you from recognizing potential red flags in a relationship.

Staying sober (free from hormones) during the beginning of a relationship allows us to ask important questions about what the future may look like with a person.

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Irene Fehr

@ignitedwoman on Twitter

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Marni welcomes a fourth-generation journalist into the Den. Annie Daly has written about travel and wellness for Self, Travel + Leisure, Conde Nast, and she was the Travel Editor at Buzzfeed. During this episode, she shares key elements of her book, Destination Wellness, which includes wellness practices from six different cultures.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why you can not find wellness in a product
Common threads in ancient wellness practices
Dating philosophies from around the globe
The power of community in wellness

Destination Wellness [1:43] Annie met her husband on a camping trip. The original purpose of the trip was a girls-only weekend with the intention of escaping men. It just goes to show, you never know when or how you will meet your match.

About writing her book, Destination Wellness, Annie says she grew tired of the commercialism surrounding well-being and wellness. She knew there were ways to live in balance that had nothing to do with buying products. She decided to travel to six different cultures to learn more about their lifestyle and wellness philosophies. The countries she visited are Jamaica, Norway, Hawaii, Brazil, India, and Japan.

We don't have to buy our way into well-being.

Well-Being Based on Wisdom [7:45] Getting back to basics, embracing nature, and living in the moment are common threads that tie ancient wellness practices together. In other cultures, a wellness lifestyle is built into daily life from the start of life. It is a stark contrast to the U.S.

In Norway, Friluftsliv, or Free, Air, Life is practiced. It’s a shared belief that people should spend as much of their lives outside as possible. Schools are often held outside.

In Jamaica, the Ital philosophy means eating wholesome foods that were sourced locally.

In Hawaii, the spirit of Aloha is about the connection between all human beings, the love between us all. The harmonic culture believes that knowing who you are and understanding your roots helps you cultivate a greater sense of well being.

Philosophy for dating — Knowing who you are is the foundation for what you want to bring to a relationship. Date with Aloha. When you have the spirit of Aloha, you see everyone as a human who seeks and desires love, just like you.

In Japan, Ichigo Ichie means one time, one moment. This culture honors the little moments with someone and gleaning the most meaning from the moments you have.

In India, Ayurveda is a system of healing and honoring yourself as an individual. Identifying your dosha helps you better understand what foods to eat, best practices, workouts, and how to balance yourself in the world. This culture understands that wellness looks different for everyone.

In Brazil, they embrace Saudade. In its raw form, it is an emotional pain that comes from missing someone you love. If someone you love is gone, you suffer from loving them so much and not having them around. This culture holds the value of community over all else.

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Annie Daly

What’s Your Dosha?

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Marni welcomes a woman who has her hands in many creative ventures, Natasha Chandel into the Den. Natasha was born in Dubai and now lives in LA. Depending on the day she is a comedy writer, actress, creative producer, podcast host, and more. During their chat they discuss the Kinda Dating Podcast, the influence of social media and reality dating shows on real-life dating, and how the pandemic has changed dating.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Learning to recognize your dating style
How social media and reality dating shows affect perceptions
Finding connection during the pandemic
Don’t take ghosting personally

Kinda Dating [2:03] Natasha describes her podcast Kinda Dating as an exploration of commitment issues. She reveals that in the past she was a hardcore relationship girl. But after enduring an abusive relationship, she became a commitment-phobe. Through lots of therapy and personal development work, she has come out on the other side as a reformed commitment-phobe.

When we are on a date, we tend to judge the other person without realizing how we are showing up. We may be the quality casual daters who are showing up as emotionally unavailable and not even be aware of it.

Social Media & Reality Dating Shows [8:32] When Natasha looks at the world of entertainment and social media, she believes people are used by technology instead of people using the technology. On the flip side, apps and social media ARE a great way for people to connect. Natasha admits to socially stalking people before she would go out on a date with them, but she doesn't want her entire relationship online.

One in three Gen Z'ers say their online identity is their most authentic self. But, Natasha says they may not understand what being your most authentic self means. They may not be old enough to understand who they are yet.

Marni brings up the documentary show Fake Famous. The producers use proven strategies to make three people instantly famous as social media influencers. The show highlights how fake social media influencers can be. It’s a digital construct.

Social media influencers are fake digital constructs. Do not measure your life against an image that isn't real.

Natasha reminds us that social media is a curated experience. Most people don't post the negative parts of life. Focus on the good things in your life so you spend less time comparing yourself to others. Marni adds when we seek validation from outside we are not filling up our self-love tank.

The pandemic has caused people to spend much more time online and swiping online connection apps. Most studies show this does not help people feel connected.

Natasha believes when the pandemic is over people will be over-the-top careless and start having sex with anybody and everybody. She says to wrap up! Put a condom on!

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Natasha Chandel

Kinda Dating Podcast

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris discuss the season finale of the Bachelor. In this no-holds-barred episode, we learn how to detect red flags early when we meet a non-committal, Teflon-like Matt James type in the real dating world. A guy may be cute, and he may be charming but if he shows no interest in being vulnerable, he is emotionally unavailable.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why a crumbs guy is not a bad person, just damaged
Defining emotional unavailability
Getting closure when a relationship doesn’t work out
The next Bachelorette

Does He Have Potential? [2:03] The Bachelor episode, as disappointing as it was, held some beneficial lessons for real-world dating. Marni points out the Matt James attributes that make him a relationship-commitment-phobic f&k boy. She warns us that in the end, a f&k boy will be a dick. He may be cute, but he will disappear with no remorse. It pisses Marni off because he comes off as a guy who has potential.

From the male perspective, Chris says when men think of a f*&k boy, they think of an asshole. But, Matt James and those like him are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Even though he seems warm and fuzzy, he is a player.

The f&k boy, the quality casual guy, or the crumbs guy isn't a bad person. He is human and he is going through his stuff. BUT, he is not for you.*

Closure [27:02] In the episode, we learn that Michelle asks Matt for a few minutes off-camera to fully understand what happened and to get closure but he denies her. To add a drop of cruelty, he doesn't even say he is sorry he hurt her. He instead says, ‘I am sorry you had that reaction’.

Beyond being a jerk move, it is another example of Matt demonstrating that he doesn’t have any stock in the game. He has been doing this to Rachael the entire season. Marni says Racheal is emotionally unavailable also, that is why Matt knew he could be so rude.

Matt James isn't a quality guy. He didn't treat the women well AND he kisses with his eyes open!!

Chris and most of America want closure. Chris asks Marni, ‘What do you do when you can't get closure? How do you learn from it and move on?’

You can not hide from what you are leaking when you are in pain.

Marni recommends looking at your motivation for closure and there must be a grieving process. When any type of relationship or investment of time ends we need space to grieve and process what happened.

In conclusion, Matt James is a poster child for an emotionally unavailable person. And, Michelle will be America’s next Bachelorette.

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On this week's Dating Den, Marni speaks with the Founder and CEO of Collaborate.Work, Bevin Farrand. Bevin supports small businesses and entrepreneurs in developing and executing strategies to increase revenue. She has also created the ‘Take the Damn Trip’ movement and community. Her DAMN framework has inspired hundreds to connect with the people they love and do the crazy things that make all the difference.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Choose a path of meaning and significance
Appreciate meaningful moments
Get clear about what you want
Take micro-actions to reach your goal
Prepare for the relationship of your dreams

The DAMN Framework [3:35] In 2019, Bevin and her husband took an amazing trip to France to celebrate her birthday and reconnect with each other. Bevin had just been laid off from her job and was hesitant to take such a lavish trip. But, she did and she will be forever grateful. Shortly after their return her husband just didn’t wake up one morning. Her life was turned upside down.

Bevin created the DAMN framework to help others make the most of their lives now:

Decide and declare
Attend your own party
Meaningful moments
Now is the time

Bevin says we go through life confusing permission and support. We unconsciously ask people for permission to follow our dreams. If you ask someone who cares about you what they think of your dreams, they consider how they feel about it and if it's uncomfortable for them, they will start to eat away at it. But, we don't need permission. We need to decide what we want and ask for support.

Stay present in the moment and understand you are creating the experience of life through your own thoughts. We create our own suffering, our own joy, and our thoughts can change in an instant.

Get Clear About What You Want [27:40] Bevin's advice to young women who want to find their soulmate but wait for a different day or put it off until tomorrow is to get clear about what they want. In dating, if you are clear about what you want you know when something is not right for you which is equally important.

Live a fully expressed life yet be open to the possibility of meeting the person you want to spend more time with.

Be willing to accept that your life will change when you are in a relationship.

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris discuss this week’s Fantasy Suite episode. Matt James aka the robot shed a tear this week yet still refused to give Bri or Michelle an answer when they professed their love for him. Marni offers advice for when you encounter this type of behavior in your dating life.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to spot an emotionally unavailable guy
Dating a guy with commitment issues?
Having sex to seal the deal
Is this season of the Bachelor the lamest ever?

Is Matt James Ready to Commit? [1:55] At the beginning of the show, only Bri, Michelle, and Rachael remained for the fantasy suite date. The setup is an overnight date with no cameras so the possibility of sex exists.

Matt admits he is a bit guarded and probably a bit of a robot at the beginning of his conversation with his dad. Marni says it was weird to have that type of conversation on TV.

Matt is just now starting to realize he has some issues to work through. He is still in the victim phase blaming it on his father. Chris says Matt is still green, not ready to commit because he has never really had a girlfriend. It is almost as if Matt realized he is supposed to propose to a woman in two weeks and he is freaking out on the inside.

If you are dating someone who has issues when you mention a committed relationship be super-cautious.

Bri & Michelle tell Matt they are in love with him and ask him where he is at. He doesn't directly answer. He is just starting on his self-discovery journey. He is not ready to marry yet. Despite this revelation, Chris thinks he will make a great husband one day.

Radio Silence When it Comes to Love [14:06] When dating, if you feel safe enough to tell a guy you love them and he doesn't acknowledge what you said, then moves in for a kiss you probably do not want to sleep with them at that point. You may not even want that kiss.

Only the ladies and Matt know if they had sex in the fantasy suite.

Chris says this was not a fun episode. The fantasy suite episodes in previous seasons were fun. Marni blames the producers for not being creative. The episode was boring even visually as everything looked the same. All three encounters were too formulated.

Chris drills Marni about why she picks on Matt so much. He asks if it would be better if Matt was saying stuff he doesn't mean? Why does she call him a f*%kboy when she could clearly see Matt's guilt when the girl walked away the next morning? Matt probably felt bad knowing the overnight meant more to the girl than to him.

Marni says of Matt James, he is charming and has potential. She doesn't think he is evil, but she believes he is a hit it and quit it type of guy.

In next week’s finale, Matt will decide between Michelle and Rachael.

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On this week's Dating Den, Marni speaks with New York-based Image Consultant and Personal Stylist for high achieving women, Melanie Lippman. Melanie advises clients about the clothes and self-talk to uplevel their confidence. She designs personal wardrobes for her clients that can eliminate overwhelm. She shares her best tips for dressing to increase your approachability factor.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What clothes match your personality
Why wearing oversized clothes is a no-no
Why some women hide underneath their clothes
Style tips for dressing for a date
What to wear on the weekends

Clothes Send a Message About Who You Are [2:32] Many women wear oversized clothes because of body image issues that started when they were just children. Little girls are sponges during our formative years and just one comment from an aunt or sibling and we are stuck with that limiting belief until we change it. Most of us experience this when we are going through a struggle, like the bad lighting in the fitting room.

Why do we fear calling attention to ourselves?

Melanie says when limiting beliefs about our bodies come up we should think about where those thoughts came from. Then approach style from the opposite direction and think about what style can do FOR us. Often we females, hurt ourselves with negative self-talk. We tend to focus on things we don't like when we look in the mirror and instead we need to focus on what lights us up.

Stop using clothes to hide, it's not what clothes are for.

Your personal style is all about being authentic and having fun with it. You don't want to feel like you are putting on a costume. Send the right message. Make sure the way you show up is in alignment with the message you want to send. Because if you don't it can come off as inauthentic and it causes distrust.

Clothing is the largest form of non-verbal communication. Make sure you are sending the message you want to be sending.

Why Are You Hiding? [18:24] Marni mentions that she has several beautiful, curvy clients and they have a story about their body. They feel they need to wear oversized dresses to hide their body. Melanie relates because she used to wear clothes that were too big for her. She had to learn to dress for her body type.

You have to accept your body type and enjoy what you have.

Wearing bulky clothes or boxy clothes will make you look two sizes bigger than you actually are. A simple strategy to make you look and feel your best:

Learn your body type
Dress in a way that balances your proportions

Melanie says, “our eyes seek symmetry”. And, with a few optical illusions, we can create that symmetry. Just changing a few little things allows us to dress confidently.

But, All my Clothes are Work Clothes [27:25] Many high-achieving women focus their wardrobe mainly on clothes for the office. These women have a ton of work clothes but when it comes to an outfit to go out on a date, they don’t know what to wear.

Melanie says that if this is you invest a little time and energy into finding out what the fun side of you wants to wear. What adjective would you want your weekend style to be? This is where you get to have fun. What is the fun version of you?

Remember these three tips:

Dress for your body type
Incorporate your personality into your weekend wardrobe
You don't have to be uncomfortable

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris discuss the women’s tell-all episode and Matt James facial hair. This season is proving to be a letdown in the love department. We can only hope the season finale will offer some kind of twist with just Bri, Michelle, and Rachael left in the running for the soon-to-be lackluster proposal from Matt.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Be emotional when you have strong feelings
Bad kissers
How to be the person you want to attract
Find out where a relationship is headed with a single question

It’s in His Kiss [9:11] One aspect of the show everyone can agree on is no one likes Matt's beard. Not the girls, not the audience, and not Marni or Chris Gillis. And when you add that beard to his already weird kissing style it’s obvious that Matt may only be no more than a good-hearted f*c$boy.

When Matt kisses the girls he does not close his eyes. And admits to not knowing he was supposed to. Wait.......What? Marni says that it displays his lack of emotional availability and will make it hard for him to find love with any of the girls this season.

Data proves that relationships with bad kisses don’t last long.

Bachelor Ladies Tell-All, or Do They? [14:56] The ladies got the opportunity to watch the episodes as they were shown to the audience. They were able to see why Chris calls his responses ‘surgical’ and Marni calls him the quintessential f*c$boy.

While Serena said Matt has a certain way of making you feel like you are really special. Piper spilled her heart open and asked Matt to answer for repeating the same lines to all the ladies.

Normally, at least one girl will call out the Bachelors for their experience but the ladies this season did nothing but praise Matt.

Queen Victoria had a moment when she commented on Matt’s advice when she left the show, "I hope you do some self-reflection." Victoria said screw you buddy, but she was leaking all over the place. She is a hot mess.

Be the person you want to attract.

Marni shares that she was a bit ticked-off by the discussion about women being too sensitive. Truth is, women have been receiving this message for their whole lives. Everyone has feelings and everyone gets to feel their feelings. It's more about what you do with the feelings, do you manage them, and articulate them in a healthy way?

If you are not emotionally available, if you have drama around you, or have your guard up you will attract guys who will do that to you or reinforce those beliefs. People can be mirrors for our emotional selves.

Piper said she was falling in love with Matt but admits she was already in love with him. She says ever since she was young she has always played it cool. She had her guard up. If you think a guy doesn't notice that you have your guard up, well you are wrong. It's noticeable. Chris says Piper, maybe, fell in love with the idea of being in love. We all do it.

There is no rule and every situation is different but you must remember that you are enough and you make the decision if the person is a fit for you. If that person isn't, even if he is hot, you decide if he is not enough.

Are You in a Relationship with a Matt James Type? [34:07] No one wants to appear needy at the beginning of a relationship. We may let the other person drive while we are feeling people out. But exercise caution because it can quickly turn into a relationship where you don't ask for what you need. Chris uses Abigail’s style as an example.

Marni suggests using this language when a guy suddenly goes cold;

“Hey... I think we have fun and I like where this is going but I am kind of confused because it seems a little out of character for what we have been building together, and I want to make sure we are on the same page.”

Don't wait and wonder about what is happening. If a guy starts to pull away, don't be disempowered. Ask the question and say it in a way that doesn't put him on the spot. Then you know how he feels and has the opportunity to respond.

Don't make assumptions about where a relationship is going. Ask the question and be open to the consequences, even if it's painful.

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Because self-care is more than getting a manicure, Marni welcomes self-love and self-care experts Brooke Emery and Tammy Lawman into the Den. The duo has been recognized by Forbes as being connectors. They share the secrets of making meaningful connections in life and how to know your value, trust your intuition, and create a deep love and appreciation of yourself.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Express yourself more fully
Creating a self-love container
Add joy to your life

Creating a Self-Love Container [6:59] To create a self-love container a person needs to be their whole self without worrying about or changing to fit other people’s expectations of you. This means radically accepting who you are at your core by speaking your truth and getting clear about what you want.

Almost always, the things that bring us the most joy do not cost money. Make a list of the ways you find joy and gratitude. Then bring more joy and love into your day with mini-steps. You may not like doing the dishes but if you play your favorite song while you do them, you might just have fun.

Creating a self-love container is about individuals designing the life they want for themselves, not taking a cookie-cutter approach. What's the problem and what's the truth in how you feel about it? Do things that push your growth edges. If you lean into something you are scared of, the thing doesn't have control over you and it will give you a sense of freedom.

Self-Care Practices Help Us Build Better Connections [16:48] When your container is full and you don't have to look outside of you to create a feeling of fullness you can go into situations with a higher level of confidence. Connections will naturally happen and have flow.

Transactional partnerships don't always offer mutual respect.

Marni says in a dating situation your why is to learn about the other person and allow the other person to experience you. It is possible to create an upward spiral of fun juju so people want to be around you no matter what you do.

Use a date as an opportunity to show the other person you are genuinely curious about them.

Self-Care is Not Selfish! [22:19]

Some women believe if they take care of themselves first they are being selfish. But, it just is not true. It's like the example on an airplane, a parent should put the oxygen mask on themselves first. That way they can be of service to other people.

Put yourself in the energy of a goddess or queen.

If you are giving a possible future partner only half of yourself because you are exhausted at the end of the day, the person will feel it and it is not fair to them or you. You will have more to give and enjoy your life more if you have boundaries around your time.

No is a complete sentence. You don't have to add an excuse.

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris discuss Matt’s latest lackluster performance. Creating connection requires warmth and he is cool as a cucumber. They also make their predictions of who will be the frontrunner in this dating contest. And, Marni extracts dating advice for your real-life scenarios.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Knowing when it is not a match
After a tough breakup, when it is time to date again
How to create connection and warmth
How to know if a guy is insincere

Gracefully Bowing Out of a Relationship [2:24] Serena didn’t put herself, or Matt, at any risk of being emotional when she asked Matt about the Maple Leafs. The first time we saw this on the show was during the yoga date. Intimacy may not be her thing. But, kudos to her when she realizes Matt is not her person she excuses herself from the contest.

Marni wants to applaud her for telling Matt it wasn't going to work and she is not ready. During the telephone call with her mother, her mom said, ‘that last relationship really did a number on you didn’t it?’ If Serena is still wounded from her last relationship it could be what is holding her back from forging a connection.

Chris asks Marni how a woman knows that she is ready to date again after a gnarly breakup?

If you think you are ready try dating again if old stuff bubbles up, take another pause from dating. We all have baggage, it is OK.

How to Create Connection [16:29] Amy Cuddy, a Social Psychologist who studies body language says that there are two things people evaluate unconsciously: warmth and confidence. We try to figure out if the other person is trustworthy.

It made Marni think of Matt. Because he is not warm on the show and he does not show up as empowered or confident. Those are the three principles to creating connection with people.

Is there is a gap between who you are and who you think you are supposed to be when dating?

Lead with warmth, follow with confidence!

Is Matt James Insincere? [25:23] Bri opens up to Matt and says 'I love you', his response is ‘thank you for sharing’. That is his go-to phrase and Marni wanted to slap him for it. He seems really insincere that he says that as a response every time a girl gets vulnerable.

So, who do Marni and Chris think is the frontrunner after this past episode of the show? Both believe Matt will pick Rachel because during their date he said ‘I think I am falling in love with you.’

Data shows when two people experience the same thing for the first time together it creates intimacy.

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Marni welcomes the inspirational author of several books, including his newest, How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift: The Beauty of What Remains, Rabbi Steve Leder. Rabbi Steve gets to the heart of what is truly valuable in life. He also dispels common myths we have about death and dying,

Key takeaways from this episode:

Without death what incentive is there to live?
Common questions from people about death
How to break dysfunctional generational patterns
COVID’s dirty little secret

The Beauty of What Remains [3:52] Rabbi Steve shares examples of questions from his congregation with regards to life and death. His advice, he says, is always the same. In death as in life. There is a myth we carry that death changes everything, or that impending death can erase dysfunctional tendencies. He feels obligated to manage members' expectations and let them know that people tend to die exactly the way they live.

He says dying doesn't give anyone a new personality. Death changes everything and death changes nothing. If you have a tortured relationship with someone in life you are likely to feel relieved, not guilt when they die.

It is cognitive dissonance. It is irreconcilable. And making peace with the fact that something can not be reconciled, is in itself a reconciliation. It is a resolution. An additional step, is you can interrupt the intergenerational transmission of the dysfunction - it's soothing to the soul by asking yourself ‘what is the legacy you want to leave?’.

Moments that Matter [19:30] Rabbi Steve shares what he calls ‘the dirty little COVID secret’. It is that in some ways, COVID has made our lives better.

He uses his life as an example. His life was unsustainable. He, like many other people, fell prey to the belief that a busy life was a meaningful life. The changes that were brought on to thwart the pandemic forced people to spend more time at home and build better relationships.

The silver lining of the pandemic is that people don't have to wear uncomfortable clothes or spend time with people they don't care about at work.

Rabbi Steve says, there is always a blessing in the darkness. If you have to go through hell, don't come out of it empty-handed.

About the losses Rabbi Steve says, we all have lost our sense of invulnerability. We now realize how vulnerable we are. We have lost freedom, opportunities, and worst of all, we have lost the fundamental human need to hold and be held by the people we love.

There is no reason to feel guilty that your life is more beautiful as a result of a painful experience.

Death is the Great Teacher of Life [28:28]

In the end, no one wants your physical crap. People spend so much of their lives working hard to make money to buy things and collect things that at the end of our lives, nobody wants. Goodwill won't even take half of your old stuff.

Believing that our outer material life is our inner life or is a spiritual life is like trying to eat a picture of food. It won't nourish you. It's a mistake we are encouraged to make all day every day.

Marni asks Rabbi Steve how people can realign with what is important. He responds, one simple way is to walk through the cemetery and read the headstones. Even though we are all unique and different, the inscription headstones are mostly the same. You have to strip away all the nonsense when you are inscribing someone's headstone. Family is listed on the headstone, not your zip code, not your salary, and not your resume. What matters is the quality of relationships with a tiny handful of people who really matter.

Ask yourself, are you leading a meaningful life?

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Steve Leder

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris discuss why Matt James is finally making some decisions and releasing girls from the show. Did the producers prompt him, or have the girls finally had it with his indecision? Marni extracts the best real-life dating nuggets from this manufactured environment and shares them with us.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Watch out for breadcrumbs
Ask for what you are looking for
Early signs of emotional unavailability
Don’t take dating personally
The right guy will appreciate your vulnerability

Breadcrumbs Create Chaos [1:44] Did the producers give Matt a strong talking to or were the women so tired of his breadcrumbs they forced his hand? He went from constantly kicking the can down the road to making some clear choices and kicked some ladies out. Chris thinks the producers prodded him to make choices.

Marni applauds Kit, Abby, and Bri for being vulnerable and practicing good dating skills. Both girls shared something major from their lives and instead of being interested and sharing something from his own life, Matt replies with “thanks for sharing”. Bleh.

Matt further proves himself to just be a f*c#boy by moving his hand up the girls’ legs as he pseudo-listens to them being vulnerable.

All Matt shows is a hollow shell of a personality.

Bri Quits Her Job & a Series of Bad Dates [14:40]

Did Bri quit her job to become an Instagram influencer or to be closer to Matt? Chris says when a girl says something like that it is best not to respond. Maybe, she was taking the temperature of his interest in her? But, ladies, have a conversation with a guy before you move your home or quit your job for him.

Perfect is not sexy.

Marni points out the dates that appeared to be great for both Matt and his date but then he lets her go from the show. It’s easy for women to get confused with this type of behavior. And, then he gives a rose to an emotionally unavailable girl who didn’t enjoy a date at all. Ladies, if you experience this in real life, don’t take it personally. You don’t really want to date a Matt James type anyway.

Don’t Take Dating Personally [27:40] Piper put herself out there and shared her true feelings with Matt. He said ‘thanks for sharing’ which gave her a bit of validation but then paid little to no attention to her after. Piper says she felt crushed by his actions and went into victim mode.

Marni says if something like this happens to you, it is okay to be crushed for a moment but then step back and realize you are lovable and worthy. You and that guy just weren't a match. Keep putting your heart out there. Because the right guy will appreciate it.

If you are dating someone whose actions don’t match their words, move on.

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Marni welcomes Host of the Tasty Kitchen and Founder of The Well-Traveled Palate Program, Natasha Ho into the Den to discuss cooking up connections in the kitchen.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Nurturing ourselves and our partners through food
Cooking together to collect data
How to have a virtual cooking date
Cooking can be a turn on
Exploring the feminine with thoughtful meals

Savory Seduction [3:14] Natasha says she seduced her husband with food. They bonded over the lunches she brought him as part of their courtship process. Being able to cook and care for someone is associated with the feminine. It is a turn-on for a man to be with a woman who can care for them in that way.

Many women don’t take care of themselves when it comes to cooking. For one, cooking is not just about caring for someone else it's also about how you nurture and love yourself.

3-steps to creating connection in the kitchen:

Build confidence — If you have anxiety when it comes to cooking. Remember, it doesn't have to be complicated.
Be open to being playful in the kitchen — Do you view cooking as a chore or an opportunity to be creative?
Build your technical skills — Once you open yourself up to having adventures in the kitchen, you will enjoy learning new techniques.

Cooking Together is the Perfect Date [14:59] Eating is an opportunity to bring joy and connection when you do it with someone else. It's a great opportunity for you both to get in the kitchen. Natasha says that cooking together can take the pressure off of just one person. Collaborating in the kitchen is a great opportunity to let your guard down and be playful. Get your hands dirty together.

Not sure what to cook? Consider the amount of time a recipe takes. Look for recipes that can be completed in under an hour and have a limited amount of steps like stir fry, paella, or one-pot dishes.

During the pandemic, consider virtual cooking dates. Choose a place or culture and explore it through food. It's about being open and trying something new.

Taking Care of Yourself [25:29]

A big misconception is that cooking healthily means only having broccoli and chicken breast. There are plenty of colorful vegetables and luscious salad ingredients that taste great when spiced or cooked differently. Educate yourself on one new ingredient a month and try using it in a dish you have never made before.

Marni reminds us that we may have limiting beliefs about our cooking abilities that could be holding us back from finding joy in the kitchen. Consider changing your story around food and health.

It is OK if a meal doesn't come out great the first time. It is all about learning and cooking together.

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The Well-Traveled Palate Program with Natasha Ho

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris give Bachelor Matt James the one-two punch. He is leading the girls on creating a false sense of intimacy with them but then only makes a play for the emotionally unavailable ladies. Marni points out the pink and red flags she sees on the show and offers advice on how to spot them in your dating life.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Realize your self-worth or value
How to pick yourself up after a breakup
How to identify a guy who is leading you on
Rejected by a guy? It means nothing about who you are
Watch out for guys who create a false sense of intimacy

Low Self-Worth = Overcompensation [1:48] Some of the ladies seem to have forgotten that this experience is essentially a ‘dating’ game. It appears they are overcompensating for their limiting beliefs about what they deserve. Many believe if they get sent home it is a reflection of their self-worth or value.

In reality, it doesn't matter how awesome you are, if there is something that isn't working you may not be maximizing your opportunities. The women who will make it to the end are the ones who don't make mistakes because it is a competition.

Never feel like you were not enough for someone. You may not be the person for them but you ARE enough.

Chris asks Marni about the process of shaking off rejection. Understanding that some ladies are just naturally emotional, Marni says, “If you are the puddle on the floor person it is important to start looking at your patterns. Do you give all your power away to men all the time? Consider the core beliefs creating your feelings of not-enoughness. Do you have abandonment issues?”

You are enough!

So Many Pink and Red Flags on the Bachelor [17:47]

During the show, Heather does a pizza box dance. Her makeup was perfect. Chris says she was putting on a show just for the camera and the audience. Matt immediately gave the cold shoulder to the girls he was talking to and only paid attention to Heather. His actions and words don't mix. Matt has a pattern of physically removing himself from the ladies. Pink flags abound.

Matt James is attracted to the emotionally unavailable gals. The girls are trying to be vulnerable, but he is just a guy that leads women on.

Advice for the girls who are trying to figure Matt out, he may not be worth your time. Marni says he is a F*c$boy. If a guy seems too good to be true and he doesn’t share anything about himself, move on.

That type of guy can be nice. They are not purposefully malicious but they know how to get ladies to keep running back to them. Women can become emotionally attached because they get a shot of oxytocin and it creates a feeling of intense intimacy.

Is Matt James Leading the Girls On? [36:01] Chris says no matter how hard ABC is trying to sell Matt as Prince Charming it is not working. Matt is just another emotionally unavailable guy in a pretty package. Even Matt's Instagram followers ask him why he is so boring on the show.

Marni says Matt doesn’t seem to be looking for love, just an increase in followers. She doesn’t believe any relationship he gets into will last very long. He is like a computer and just wants to be liked.

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes international Sober Dating coach and host of the Anything for Love podcast, Katie Grimes into the Den. Katie is a thought leader of emotional sobriety. In her work, she mentors women to trust their intuition and to make miraculous shifts to break free from love addiction.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Break free from love addiction
Stop overthinking your love life
Trust your intuition
Be honest and open about thoughts and experiences

Sober Dating [1:40] Katie describes her past dating experiences where she was caught in a cycle of overthinking or texting a guy who didn’t respond to her. She admits to having a love addiction before adopting a sober dating process. The key to overcoming love addiction is to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings because they are at the root of questionable actions.

Don't let your anxiety predict your future.

Most of our issues as adults stem from our childhoods. The things we needed as a child but didn’t get will resurface over and over in our adult relationships.

Marni asks how women can get through the anxiety of the moment. Katie says to ask yourself 'What do I need right now?" and to distract yourself with things you know will not hurt you, like physically sitting on your hands. Consider what you are doing to process through your feelings so you don't just eat, work or exercise through your feelings.

Trust Your Intuition to Make Shifts in Love [18:14] Intuition is making a decision that is very clear and easy to make. It is clear you know what you want. Fear creates a tennis match in your mind with fast-paced thoughts bouncing back and forth. Intuition is calm, peaceful, serene, and clear.

When you are in a fight or flight mode become aware of what state you are in. If you are anxious, verbally reach out to a trusted person.

Symptoms of Love Addiction [25:15]

Love addiction is a compulsive need to do something to make you feel loved, validated, and supported through affection or attention. Yet, when you try to take action you feel good for a second, and then you regret it.

An example of being love addicted is sleeping with someone you have chemistry with and expect an instant relationship. But, the next morning you feel like crap and question whether you should text or not.

Love addicts are not screwed up. They just desire the love they didn’t get as a child.

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Kate Grimes - Sober Dating

Anything for Love Podcast

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris agree that Queen Victoria’s exit was a great example of what you don’t do when someone breaks up with you, that mean girl syndrome should be cancelled, and the Pretty Woman-inspired shopping date was an attempt to cause a disruption among the girls.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Mean girl culture should be cancelled
How to be rejection proof
Cinderella-type behavior is an out-dated fairy tale
How to recognize an issue-based relationship

Why is Talking Bad About Each Other Still a Thing? [2:08] Marni voices her displeasure in the language the girls use to describe each other. The young women on the show seem to be leaking their insecurities all over the place. The mean girl thing should be cancelled. Is it real or an overproduced drama to keep people watching? Marni points out that women who speak poorly of others have low self-worth, and have not had their needs met. Chris admits he thinks that’s how all women are.

If you have drama in your life, are jealous, or if you compare yourself to others you have unresolved wounds.

Finally, Matt booted Queen Victoria. She seems shady anyway. Chris and Marni consider that she may not have been being herself and only playing a character. Maybe her Instagram followers increased, but she was over the top with bad acting on the show.

Marni’s Tips on How to be Rejection Proof:

Have a core philosophy. Know that dating is a process and the universe has your back.
Rejection is not a rejection of your worthiness or lovability.
What do you learn from the relationship?

If you haven't resolved the issues that are getting you stuck you will have the same result.

Issue-based Relationships [19:49] While Chris blushes when he thinks about Rachel, Marni admits she was grossed out by the shopping date incident on the show. The 'Pretty Woman' syndrome of expecting a guy to express his interest because he buys you stuff is so... 1990.

If you remember, Rachel said earlier she thought Matt was out of her league. Chris thinks they were trying to make her feel better by showering her with things to build her self-worth and make her feel better. Matt is attracted to her because he, too, is emotionally unavailable.

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On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris relate the on-screen drama to real-life dating scenarios. Michelle takes off as a front runner, Sarah does the right thing, and Queen Victoria overreacts, again. Chris cites examples from the man-panelist segment of the previous Ignite Your Life event.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why it is a bad idea to stalk your date online
Bringing up the drama in your life on first dates
What to do if you feel ignored by a guy
The beauty of being authentic

Don’t Judge a Guy Based On His Instagram Profile [2:38] Whether we realize it or not we all have cognitive bias. Many women automatically think that all men are this, or all men are like that. This type of thinking comes from our limiting beliefs. So, when we search for information online about a guy, you will view it through the lens of what your limiting belief is.

Chris shares an example of a man panel experience where a woman's limiting belief was guys were intimidated because she does very well financially. But, that was the story she told herself. Her limiting beliefs were leaking. There is an armor that comes up to protect us from whatever the limiting belief is attempting to protect us from.

Don't stalk someone online just let them show up as who they are.

What if I am Feeling Ignored and Scared? [11:43] During the Bachelor, Queen Victoria felt ignored by Matt. Her reaction to feeling ignored came off as vulnerable and needy. Marni says a better strategy would be to do what Bri did. The entire concept of the show is for a guy to leave a series of breadcrumbs, but the ladies do not have to take the bait.

If you are in a situation where a guy is breadcrumbing for two months, try saying, “I'm in a place where I am looking to meet people, see if there is a connection, and date them. What are you looking for? If you would ask me out, I would say yes."

If you approach the situation like above and the guy needs more than that, get the heck out of there. You don't want to be with someone so wishy-washy! Be direct. Tell him you are done with the BS but in a nice way.

If you are putting yourself in front of a guy and he is not picking up what you are putting down, just say no. Then, ask yourself why you are doing it. What do you need to learn that keeps you attracted to or interested in that

Michelle is Magic [33:43] Marni and Chris talk about Matt's date with Michelle. They both agree that she didn’t stand out as a front runner before the great date. Michelle is not the glamoury, Instagram-type model with a traditional sense of beauty. But, being irresistible isn't just about what size you are, your ‘prettiness’ level, etc. Being fun with playful energy goes a long way.

At first, Chris says he was watching the Matt/Michelle date with his guy eye. He didn’t think much about her but by the end of watching the date, he found her gorgeous. Marni says it is because Michelle is authentic and she is genuinely trying to find out if Matt is the guy for her.

When you are in 'I hope you pick me' mode you are self-moderating to try and be who you think the person would like.

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As we settle into the long-haul of this pandemic, online dating and app dating are a must. Even if you had a not-so-perfect experience with online dating, what’s the harm in giving it another go? Marni and online dating expert, Mike Goldstein, discuss what men need from the women they date to be truly interested, the best and worst online platforms to find what you are looking for, and how dating has changed in the modern era.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to make a man feel needed
Why boundaries are your friends
Simple ways to show a man you appreciate him
What online dating sites to avoid

The 4 Feelings Men Need to Fall in Love with a Woman [6:09] Mike created an acronym to describe the four feelings men need to feel to fall in love with a woman, NAAB.

Needed.

In the modern era, women are much more independent. Many men feel like they are losing their spot and they need to feel needed. Marni says, the older ideas of romance still exist for women even though times have changed. It is a confusing time for both men and women. Mike offers up some advice on when and how to make a man feel needed.

Your ideal guy may make a lot less money than you.

Men Need to Feel Appreciated for Their Efforts [11:02] 2. Appreciated.

If you ask a man to do a small favor to make him feel needed, thank him for what he did. He needs something to do and reinforce how great it was that he did it. It doesn’t have to be over-the-top just a simple thank you to let him know you noticed.

Men Seek Acceptance [13:44] 3. Accepted.

Mike reveals that we all have minor trauma from our past dating experiences. When we started dating it was probably just based on the way the other person looked. Immaturely, we thought we would change people because we liked the way they looked but they didn't match what we wanted in a partner.

Marni had a major epiphany about this. It is sneaky to try and change someone but we all resist having the hard conversations. Women have to decide if the thing they want to change about a man is a gamechanger or deal breaker.

If the person you are dating does not embody the top five things you want in a person stop dating them.

How a Man Defines Boundaries [19:10] 4. Boundaries.

Boundaries are telling a man what you want and doing it in a happy, nice way. Mike reminds us that men need clear direction in everything. People are not mind readers. Men and women should respect each other by telling the other exactly what they want in a clear way. Dating is so much better when there are open lines of communication.

You can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

Mike’s Guide to Online Dating [25:24] The first piece of advice Mike offers for online dating is that you must be on the major sites. In the past, he says, apps like Bumble and Hinge did not have many users. But during this pandemic, if you are in your fifties or sixties, you will likely find a person you are attracted to.

Even if you tried online dating in the past and hated it, Marni says, her clients are having fun with it. It's easier than ordering clothes online.

Mike wishes there were more people on OK CUPID. He raves about the algorithm they use but says, hardly any one is on it any more. Most women listening to this podcast will not find their equals there.

People using the Hinge app are a bit more serious about finding a long-term relationship.

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Dating with Dignity Podcast with Mike Goldstein

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On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris discuss Matt James’ personality or the lack of it. They question whether this season is poorly scripted or if Matt is simply stale. Dissecting his actions towards the women offers an abundance of lessons. Marni sees the signs and shares how to maintain dignity if you encounter a man like Matt in the wild.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to spot a hunter
Why it’s a good idea to date more than one guy at a time
Chemistry or intimacy?
The fine line between being interested and being obsessed

Matt James is a ‘Him’bo [1:56] Be on the lookout, the best hunters dress up and look and present themselves just like Matt James. He shows very little humor, kindness, empathy, depth, or personality. Plus, they dress him like a Patagonia ad or beer commercial.

Marni is not a fan. Chris, on the other hand, thinks he is hot. This is a good lesson about getting caught up on looks. If a guy is super-hot we can confuse chemistry with intimacy. When dating, delve deeper into the person underneath the wrapping.

That being said, Matt was abandoned by his father. He may be missing the ability to set boundaries because he wants to be liked and loved. It's about him. The girls are presenting themselves to him but he barely notices the gestures they attempt to get his attention.

Classic hunter behavior is giving you crumbs and then pretending you don’t matter.

Can a Guy Be Hot & Have Substance? [16:02] Marni says to observe a hot guy like a silent movie. Notice his actions and behaviors. Matt doesn’t seem to be interested in any one of the thirty-two ladies. He doesn't make anyone feel special or give any indication of a front runner. He may be attracted to someone who is broken. Marni sees through the smoke and mirrors but a lot of the girls have accepted that they are in a one-sided relationship.

If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel insecure or are feeling triggered and start to doubt yourself, be aware of what is happening. With a clear head, say, ‘I'm getting triggered’ or ‘This is making me insecure and I'm starting to doubt myself.’

Will you do the same shit or will you change it? Will you choose dignity over validation? Marni advises us to make the courageous move and choose dignity over validation.

The Most Amazing Guy Syndrome [35:54] If you are dating and you have a couple of great conversations it is easy to lose sight of collecting data and having fun. It’s OK to have fun when dating and take your time before passing judgment. Let someone show you who they are over a period of time. Everyone can be awesome for a few weeks or months.

Matt James realizes he has thirty-two women waiting in the wings. He is reacting by being physical and emotionally unavailable.

If you are into a guy too much, too fast, too soon… it will be too intense. There is a fine line between being interested but not being obsessed. Dating a couple of people at once will keep your options open and your energy up.

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Did you know that stress could be turning away potential mates? Cortisol, the chemical released during stressful periods can build up in your body and cause anxiety and depression. To discover a natural, daily way to lower stress levels, Marni speaks with the founder of Vibrant Blue Oils, Jodi Sternoff Cohen, about how essential oils can help you take control of your nervous system and date from a healthy place.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Foundational healing of the body
How essential oils are used on a date
Best practices for using essential oils
How to boost your mood instantly

Lowering Cortisol [5:20] Jodi shares her personal journey of anxiety and stress. Her ex-husband was severely depressed. She walked on eggshells 24/7. After he attempted suicide, her friends told her she shouldn’t be handling the situation alone. When he was placed in a doctor’s care, she thought she would feel better but her energy was depleted and she still felt the pain of chronic stress. Her cortisol level had been high for such a long time, it was wreaking havoc in her body.

A friend introduced her to essential oils and that day she accomplished more in one day than she had in the previous three weeks. She wondered if there was something she could do with the oils to help her sleep. She started creating all of her own blends and sharing with friends who all had positive experiences.

Nutritional therapy and essential oils can be part of your healing process.

How the Oils Help During a Stressful Period [12:01] Much like a computer, our bodies have an operating system that controls our automatic functions, such as breathing, digestion, heart rate, and anxiety. The system allocates resources to where we need them. If the nervous system is on high-alert it changes our ability to connect with other people. Our pupils dilate and our sympathetic nervous system keeps us from connecting with other people.

Essential oils can help us shift gears to reach a space where it is easier to connect to others and attract the high-quality guy we desire.

The vagus nerve is the main communication highway between your brain and your body. It passes through your heart and lungs. Right behind your ear is where the nerve is most accessible. It switches on your parasympathetic nervous system. That is the place to put the oil.

If things are crazy around you, it is your choice how you respond. Oils can help you shift your response.

The challenge with illnesses is that it is hard to get remedies into the brain due to the blood-brain barrier. Essential oils are fat-soluble and pass easily through the blood-brain barrier.

The Foundations of Healthy Connections [27:50] When we get enough sleep, calm our nervous systems, and eliminate the waste in our bodies we are healthier and happier. When we are happier we attract people to us because our pheromones are released without impurities.

Research of the olfactory center of the body and the study of pheromones tells us why we are attracted to people, how we smell danger, and how we can boost our mood through smells.

Applying rose oil over the heart is the fastest way to boost your mood, feel better, and stop fear.

Jodi shares gems from her newest book, Essential oils: Boost the Brain and Heal the Body, including nerve stimulation techniques.

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Vibrant Blue Oils

Get a Free Chapter of Essential Oils to Boost the Brain and Heal the Body: 5 Steps to Calm Anxiety, Sleep Better, and Reduce Inflammation to Regain Control of Your Health, by Jodi Cohen

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If you had seven seconds to make the best impression possible, would you take the extra time to update your wardrobe and makeup? If not, you should. Marni and Man-panelist Chris Gillis discuss their thoughts on this week’s Bachelor episode and glean important lessons from what went wrong and what went right.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Make an effort to look and feel your best
It is OK to let a man make the first move
First date etiquette
Sharing insecurities or being vulnerable

Who Chooses the Clothes and makeup? [3:49] Did you notice Victoria’s dress had puffy sleeves and her bra was showing? If you are dating and haven't in a while, it is important to make an awesome first impression by optimizing your look. Make your clothes reflect who you are now and not who you were the last time you went on a date. You should feel comfortable in your clothes, but also look good. Ultimately, it is about how you feel.

One of the girls on the show kissed Matt and left a makeup stain on him. If you are wearing that much makeup, it is too much! It is important to make sure your makeup is appropriate for the venue or the event. On the flip side, Victoria chose not to wear makeup and it was a disaster.

You have 7 seconds to make a first impression. If people notice your makeup or clothes they aren't noticing you.

Is Chivalry Dead? [13:43] Most of the girls asked Matt if they could kiss him. Marni and Chris debate whether this is appropriate or not. Marni says it's romantic when a man does it, but women may have the belief that they have to be sexual for a man to like them. This belief is false!

The right guy will wait. The right guy will be a gentleman. If you are dating someone and there is chemistry, it's worth having a conversation before making the first move.

On a date and there is chemistry, instead of ‘can I kiss you?’ try ‘I wouldn’t say no to a kiss’.

A First Date Should Be More Romance than Adventure [35:30] Marni recalls the ATV date. Matt invites Bri to an adventure date where they are riding separate ATVs. Marni says that this is a red flag a guy is trying to be macho. On separate quads, Matt couldn't get romantic even if he wanted to. A date can be an adventure but make it something that you can appreciate together.

Outside your comfort zone is great but not on the first date.

Chris has not been super impressed with how all the girls are falling all over Matt and no one has gotten mad at him for anything. Matt admits he has not dated in a long time which means he is probably just along for the ride and may not be interested in a long-term relationship.

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Yay, Season 25 of The Bachelor is finally here! Marni and Man-panelist Chris Gillis join forces to extract the dating and relationship lessons from the interactions between the new Bachelor and the 30-women vying for his attention. Does 29-year-old, real-estate broker Matt James have what it takes to sift through the throng of amazingly diverse women and find his love?

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to make the right kind of first impression
What not to say the first time you meet a guy
How to release your ‘shoulds’ and find someone who shares your values
Why women often lead with sexuality

The Diversity Dilemma [3:32] Matt James voices the pressure he feels in being the first bi-racial Bachelor. With a black father and white mother, Matt says he must represent both black and white people. Marni describes this as a great dating lesson because when we date we find that we feel pressure, or have expectations about who we are supposed to be with. Often, this predisposition to date a certain type of person is based on our religion, economic status, or our parents.

We don't realize the ‘shoulds’ that have been passed down to us. When dating, it is important to excavate these thoughts because we need to be looking for our right partner, not the partner we think we are supposed to have.

We all tend to type-cast people and then only date within those boxes.

Dating exercise:

Make a list of your shoulds. Go through each one and inspect whether it matches a core value you have or if it was influenced by someone or something else.

Best and Worst First Impressions [13:09] Marni does not think any of the women have the same level of ‘wow’ factor that Bachelorette’s Tayisha or Hannah had but she admits that it is early in the season. Time will tell. Chris says no one stuck out to him as a front runner either.

Others thought Katie, the girl who brought out the vibrator in a comic effort would get the first impression rose because she seemed to be carefree. Chris says he completely understands why she did not get the rose. He thought it was lame and that she was hiding behind the humor.

Bachelor Matt James chose to give Abigail the first impression rose.

If you have something you perceive as a flaw, figure out how to vulnerably share it sooner than later.

Being Relationship Ready [27:55] Marni questions whether Bachelor Matt James is ‘relationship-ready’ after his comment about not knowing what love is and wondering if one of the women can help him break down his walls. Chris concurs saying, it is as if Matt wants the women to do his personal development work for him.

Will one of the women be accepting of his challenge? Will Matt be able to recognize love when it is offered? Next week’s recap will have additional insights.

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Do you wait to check the mood of the room before becoming playful and flirty? Do you let your date set the tone of the evening first? If you are not stepping into your sensuality every day when you do get frisky may feel fake. To delve deep into how to create desire Marni welcomes Founder of Sensuality Secrets and Dance Consultant, Patty Contesta into the Den. Patty shares tips on how to embrace your sensuality and create desire.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to be curious and open on a date
Get out of your head and into your body
Elevate the senses and be present in the moment
Non-verbal cues a man responds to

Be Flirty & Playful for Yourself First [2:48] Many women are looking for a man to be playful first before opening up and embracing their own playfulness. Patty says in order to create the right energy, we have to bring our playfulness to the table first. A date should be fun for us regardless of what happens with the other person.

Just because your date picks a fancy restaurant doesn't mean you can not bring your flirty feminine side to the structured environment. Make the environment your playground by being present and using all your senses to turn up the dial.

Making the most of being real and in-the-moment is allowing your walls to come down, to be curious and open. The guy may or may not respond in kind but it is the perfect opportunity to collect data about him.

Create Desirability [11:04] Our physical bodies are like antennas. They are always sending and receiving energetic messages. When we allow ourselves to use non-verbal communication we can fire up feelings of desire. Small physical movements throughout the day can get us out of our heads and relax our bodies.

Desire relates to the feeling of yearning for something to happen. It ignites the imagination and allows us to savor experiences. On dates, many women are afraid to feel desire because they get stuck in their heads and are trying to measure up.

The ingredients to create desirability are:

Sensuality — The ability to elevate the senses.

Managing Sexual Energy — Triggering a sense of vitality and vibrancy.

Embracing Feminine Energy — Asking for what you want.

Women often underestimate the power of asking a man for something they want.

Patty says that when you verbalize what you want it causes connection with a guy because all he wants is instructions and feedback.

Shift Into Sensual [20:58] The best way to shift into your most sensual self is to modify simple daily tasks, such as walking, and incorporate sensuality into it. For example, sauntering down a hallway may take an extra five seconds but the extra time gives our senses a chance to appreciate our environment.

Patty says that people seem to have forgotten how to take their time and to do things with intention. She says in order for our bodies to fully calibrate and integrate the information our minds know, we need daily practice. It reminds both our bodies and our minds that we are sensual beings.

We have to love being with ourselves because if we don't create the playful, sensual being in our own time we will feel like we are faking it when we attempt to embody it. If we practice a little every day, we build our confidence and we own the feeling when we want to be playful.

There is a way to walk that creates a bit more mystery and adds rhythm to our day. Having inner thigh awareness can shift the entire vibe of our body. The sensual, seductive feminine walks with inner thigh awareness.

Inner thigh awareness is considering every step you take has more to do with your behind than your front.

Women need to balance their mental, physical, and emotional selves. Our bodies are more than a transportation system for our heads. A slow drip is what allows us to appreciate a thing’s deliciousness. It is not wise to rush through everything.

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What kind of guys do you attract? Are you constantly attracting high-caliber guys? Or do you attract emotionally unavailable guys who keep you guessing about where the relationship is going or how they feel about you? In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with Brooke about the revelations she experienced during the 3-day Ignite Your Life event and how her life has changed since.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Identifying limiting beliefs
Dating with intention
How a community offers support and accountability
How to live a more stable, happy life

Identifying Limiting Beliefs [1:54] In August, Brooke invested in herself and joined the virtual Ignite Your Life event. She was self-aware enough to realize that emotionally available men were her type. She did not necessarily want that type of relationship in her life, but she recognized she kept attracting the same type of guy. This behavior allowed her to keep up her bad-ass facade and not get vulnerable with men.

Patterns from childhood were deeply ingrained, and as she worked on her non-negotiables she realized she could be completely vulnerable and still be safe. It made her feel stronger as a woman.

During Ignite Your Life, Brooke couldn’t get over the amount of support from the other women. They were women she had never met before, but they reached out to her and let her know she was not alone. Their feedback overwhelmed her.

“I was afraid to be vulnerable, but I figured I didn't have anything left to lose.” — Brooke

Brooke realized:

She was afraid to connect and afraid of being rejected.
She does not like talking about her feelings.
She attracts unavailable men.
She has childhood patterns.

Brooke says when she enrolled in the event she was skeptical because she did not know she could live any other way. But, after day three, she came to some important realizations. She realized she needs positive affirmation, it is OK to ask for help and be vulnerable. She discovered an entire part of herself that got buried when she was a child. Brooke knows she can live a more stable and happy life.

Resurrecting Your True Nature [19:37] Brooke says there may always be the part of her that will worry about being rejected, but now she understands being rejected is not so bad. Rejection means that person wasn't right for her. She is doing more to take care of herself to resurrect her true nature.

Brooke says she is still a work in progress but she is dating and dating with intention and vulnerability. People spend money on material things but they don't spend money on their interior, or self-care. It takes courage to crack yourself open and face the things that have been hidden.

Doing maintenance on your interior pays off in all other aspects of your life.

Having a Support Network [30:02] Brooke says she has fallen back into her old habits from time to time but the community from Ignite Your Life keeps her on track and offers her accountability.

She is currently dating two men. She is figuring out how she feels about each. She is dating to find someone who meets her non-negotiables. She says she finds dating more rewarding now that she does it with intention.

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Marni welcomes Dr. Thomas Jordan into the Den to discuss the revolutionary way to change the behavioral patterns that keep you single. His book, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life, is a culmination of his 33-years as a psychotherapist who has helped individuals and couples enjoy more satisfying and longer-lasting relationships.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What determines a healthy, successful love life
A 3-step guide to learn to love
How to identify repeating patterns in your love life
The role of communication skills in your love life
A person will tell you who they are if you are listening

3-Steps to Learning to Love [2:41] Dr. Jordan is devoted to the topic of love and love life difficulties. In working with individuals and couples, he noticed patterns. Many of the people made the same mistakes over and over again but were not conscious of their own patterns.

When a difficulty arose in his love life, he corrected it and wrote his book, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life to help others.

Most people don't consciously know what they have learned about the love relationships in their lives.

Dr. Jordan’s 3-step Learning to Love Method

Become conscious of what you have learned
Strengthen your ability to challenge the pattern
Move your love life in a new direction

How the Brain Tries to Protect Us From Pain [14:03] Dr. Jordan says it is common for people to generalize, aka the ‘all men are this’ statement, after getting hurt repeatedly. It is a defense mechanism the brain uses to protect us from future pains. How to release this and put an end to the repeating patterns is to ask yourself “What have I learned about love relationships that might be recreating some of this pattern in my love life that's not working?”

If you repeat something over and over in your love life and it is not working, chances are you learned something unconsciously and it is unhealthy.

If you identify a pattern that is causing repetitive disappointment, take a break. Take time to ponder what is moving your love life in the wrong direction. Once you have a conscious awareness you can venture back out into the dating scene.

Healthy Communication is Key [26:33] Communication is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Dr. Jordan says communication is how you get to know the person you are with and how they get to know you. Good communication is key to solving problems if/when they arise in the relationship.

All human beings have issues and faults.

It is impossible to change another person. Trying to change people in your love life is a bad idea. Dr. Jordan says in his 33-years of practice he has never met a person who successfully changed another person. If you want a healthy, long-lasting love life you must make the decision that the thing you want to change about the other person is not important enough to sacrifice the relationship.

If it is not, practice acceptance.

People tell you a lot about themselves when you first meet them but you have to be listening.

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On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris react differently to the high stakes emotional capital that was spent. Chris teared up at homecoming but Marni didn't shed a tear. The guy who should be crying is Ben because he was sent home, but he doesn’t seem to have the emotional capacity to feel anything about it.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Can a woman change a man’s mind about having a family?
Why many women want a ‘dangerous’ guy
Which guy might be husband material

Instant Inspiration to Commit [4:40] It is obvious that Tayisha is an amazing lady. She is mature and makes a solid effort to get to know the guys. Marni is surprised she let Ben go. The new front runner seems to be Zac, but neither Marni, no Chris care much for him. Chris believes Zac needs to stop reverting to making out when Tayisha asks him deep questions.

After Zac and Tayisha’s New-York-inspired date Zac tells his mother that he does want a family and does want a wife, since meeting Tayisha. Marni asks Chris if this is a real thing.

Does a guy just suddenly make major decisions about having a wife and family?

Chris says, yes it is true. The right lady has a way of opening stuff up within a guy and she can inspire him to be a different version of who he is. He says it is a crazy feeling when you are dating someone and a seal is broken. Then, you realize you are open to more possibilities. BUT, a woman can't change a man, it has to be the man’s idea.

Danger is His Middle Name [19:08] Zac seems to keep Tayisha interested by being the most dangerous choice. Chris asks Marni why girls always seem to go for the dangerous guy. Marni explains that many women have an attachment style, like ‘anxious’ attachment. Basically, it means that if a woman didn't get the love she needed from a parent when she was a child you recreate the longing or tension in relationships. A woman will keep trying to get love from someone who does not want to open up. It's a familiar feeling that creates a pattern.

So, even though Ivan is a solid guy, sweet, fun, and playful, Tayisha doesn't seem to be attracted to him. Is there such a thing as a guy being too nice?

What Type of Guy is Husband Material? [24:12] Chris said he enjoyed watching the interactions with the guys’ family members. He agrees that valuable information can be ascertained from meeting the family of the person you are dating.

But to whom will make the best groom? The choice is clear, at least to Marni and Chris. Both agree that Brendan seems to be husband material. He is genuine, he listens, he has a ‘real’ job, he is handsome, etc. What’s not to like? But, does Tayisha feel the same?

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Marni welcomes renowned Researcher and published Author, Dr. Richard Davidson into the Den to discuss how to increase connectedness and wellbeing during the COVID pandemic and beyond. Dr. Davidson offers daily practices to help transform our emotions and alter our ability to give and receive love and compassion.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to access and connect to emotions
Overcoming loneliness during the pandemic
Increase your self-compassion
Tips for bringing more love into the world

Insights From His Holiness [1:50] For years, Dr. Davidson studied the adverse effects of stress and depression. He was interested in how to nudge people toward resilience, vulnerability, and other positive qualities but there was no baseline for the scientific research. His Holiness, The Dalai Lama called him out and asked him why he didn’t use his tools to study compassion. It was a wake-up call for Dr. Davidson. He began studying the positive side of the equation.

His Holiness had the orientation of figuring out what was right with people, not what is wrong with them.

It is difficult to conduct serious scientific research on emotions because they are complex human qualities.

Consulting Our Emotions Through the Four Pillars of Wellbeing [5:56] The brain plays an important role in our emotions. If the brain has been damaged in some way it can impair emotions. It can have debilitating consequences in many areas of our lives. In dating, the decision to partner with someone is a huge decision. It is not a decision that is made only by calculation, it is made by consulting our emotions.

Four Key Pillars of Wellbeing

Awareness — Important for the development of personal transformation.
Connection — The qualities important for healthy social relationships.
Insight — Self-knowledge.
Purpose — Aligning behavior with a sense of purpose.

Research shows when we cultivate healthy habits it changes our brain in ways that allow wellbeing to endure.

If we spent as much time nurturing the positive qualities of our mind, as we do brushing our teeth, this world would be a different place.

Bringing Love Into Our Physically-Distanced World [28:11] We can transform our brains, they are not static. Every day our brains are changing based on the input it is receiving. When we have practices that focus on compassion and kindness we can alter and increase our wellbeing.

Dr. Davidson says we are in the midst of an epic struggle between the forces of fear and the forces of love. He believes love will win because love is at the core of who we are as human beings. We are socially connected creatures, and at the core of social connection is love.

We can socially connect to others during this pandemic and continue to follow the safety guidelines. Taking precautions by physically distancing and wearing masks is contributing to the greater good.

We have an opportunity to reclaim our true nature of love, kindness, and compassion.

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On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris discuss Bennett’s triumphant return, Noah’s spry cleverness, Zach and Ben’s emotional struggles, and Tayshia’s confusing behavior when it comes to choosing a partner. While Tayshia seems to be doing a great job of extracting a guys’ true nature she appears to be leaning toward the guys most in need of repair.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to apologize with heart
Why no one likes to date a crybaby
How to date someone who is smarter than you
It is perfectly OK to date more than one person at the same time
Why being critical is a relationship killer

Don’t Call it a Comeback [1:42] Remember Bennett, the Harvard guy who is really sensible and smart but comes off a bit condescending when he tries to be vulnerable? Well, he is back to woo Tayshia. After his tumultuous departure, he comes back to apologize to Tayisha for judging her. Chris says he missed the big opportunity to explain the entire situation but it was a kind gesture. The question is does Bennett want to win or is he falling in love? The guy at the center of the controversy, Noah, is very clever and has more emotional intelligence than Bennett. But, Noah lies.

Another Tayshia favorite, Ben. has Marni a tad worried. Ben reveals he has tried to kill himself a couple of times in the last few years. He is being vulnerable but Marni questions his ability to be a long-term, reliable partner. His perfectionism may cause him to focus on what is wrong in life instead of what is right.

Ivan seems to be the most stable and emotionally available of all the guys.

Both Zach and Ben have struggled with demons in their past. Marni advises ‘if a guy is working on something be sure to give the relationship some time to see how it pans out. Don't rule someone out because they are dealing with a hardship”.

Not Every Woman Can Deal with a Super Smart Guy [29:31] The Noah/Bennett clash gets heated when Noah points out that Bennett may be talking down to Tayshia. Chris asks Marni about dating someone who is superior in some aspects. Bennett is smart but instead of coming off as superior, most of the guys like him.

Some women love to date super smart guys while others are intimidated by them. Self-confidence is a factor.

Marni recalls the Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse relationship red flags. One is being critical of your partner. It makes it hard to have a successful long-term relationship. If you get into a major tiff with a partner, engage in apologies, seek mutual understanding, then explore how you can improve interactions in the future.

Are you critical of the people you date?

Is it OK to Date More Than One Person at a Time? [29:31] Chris reveals his thoughts about when men date more than one person and how it differs from when women do it. He says “men are notorious for not having a disconnect about what goes on below the belt but women get attached.” He asks Marni’s opinion about women having several physical relationships at once.

Marni is all about dating multiple people at once. She says that women don’t need to tell guys they are dating other people. She adds “as long as you have your dignity, you can do what you want”.

Ladies, date at least two guys at a time so you don't feel like all your eggs are in one basket.

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Marni welcomes two ladies from the Dating with Dignity community who attended the Ignite Your Life virtual conference, Connie and Annette. The pair share their dating experiences before attending the conference, what they learned at the conference, and tips for other women who are considering enrolling in the upcoming Ignite Your Life virtual event.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why it’s important to be with others going through the same thing
The unconscious thoughts and actions holding you back
Moving past fear and getting vulnerable
How a 3-day event can change your life

Community is Everything [2:26] Annette and Connie both listened to the Dating Den Podcast before deciding to take the plunge and enroll in the Ignite Your Life Program.

Annette had been on a self-imposed 2-year dating hiatus before joining. She was frustrated with dating because she wasn't meeting quality men. The last few guys she dated before her “break” turned her off of dating. She was okay by herself for a while but the pandemic made it clear to her that she wanted someone in her life.

Connie was married for a long time. She was hoping her guy would just magically show up when the elevator doors opened. She was dating and meeting a lot of nice guys, but she would rule guys out before she would rule them in. She felt like she was going around in circles. She would consult with her married girlfriends about what was normal while dating, but they didn't know. She admits she was clueless about dating. It was scary for her to put herself out there and be vulnerable. After being married for so long, she felt exposed out in the world.

The pandemic gave single ladies a chance to focus on their priorities and decide what they wanted from life and love.

Annette decided to attend the Ignite Your Life event because she was intrigued to be with other women who were going through the same thing she was.

When you downplay your singleness or find shame in being alone, events can be an opportunity to connect.

Connie wanted to uncover something she wasn't seeing. She trusted it when something inside of her said ‘sign up for this’. Once she was in it, she felt open and excited. She had a great time. She says she felt 3-feet higher every day. She did not realize how she was acting and reacting on dates. Listening to other women made her feel not alone. Being part of the community offered her much more than a book, or a video.

Shifting Unconscious Behaviors [22:36] Annette says her biggest shift, after the IYL event, is that she started showing up for herself and applying what she learned. It gave her a chance to think about the things she was struggling with. It gave her the tools to help her to move forward.

Connie found it uncomfortable on the first day to reveal what may have been holding her back and to be vulnerable. While it was hard for her, she knew she had to keep going. She uses the analogy of popping a zit. It wasn't fun but it was necessary.

Both women were able to unbottle their emotions and trust the process.

What you reveal, you can heal.

Spk [32:07] Marni asks if Connie and Annette have any tips for other ladies who are thinking about enrolling in the event. Connie says she is thankful that it showed up in her life and she would have done it sooner had she known about it. Annette’s response mirrors Connies. She wouldn't have waited as long if she had heard about it earlier and she definitely would not have taken the break from dating.

You are worth the investment so jump in with both your head and your heart.

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Marni and Chris discuss Tayshia’s brilliant idea to extract the guys' vulnerability by asking them to create a physical representation of themselves in the form of an art project. This revealing episode of the Bachelorette divulges secrets and sensitive information the guys may not have been comfortable sharing before.

Key takeaways from this episode:

When a guy likes a girl he will bare his soul
What you can do to inspire a guy to be his best self
Is a rocky past a dealbreaker?
How to spot a control freak

When a Guy Gets Vulnerable [3:18] Chris admits this episode made him nervous because the guys had to get super vulnerable during the art project. But, surprisingly, they shed their protective layers and even bonded with each other. Most of the guys talked about how uncomfortable it was to talk about their feelings, but they did it for Tayshia.

The key to a quality guy is that he will get uncomfortable because he wants to make you happy or create a connection with you.

In an unusual move, during the art project, Ben drops his robe to the floor and, with a hand over his private parts, says to Tayshia ‘I want you to see all of me’. It was received well by Tayshia, but to the other guys and viewers, it may have seemed a little douchey. What we learned later was that Ben struggled with bulimia and this was an extremely vulnerable move.

Marni says she likes Brené Brown’s definition of vulnerability. “When you say or do something and you don't know what the outcome will be, but you say or do it anyway.”

If you are an irresistible woman you will inspire a guy to be his best self.

Is a Rocky Past a Red Flag? [16:27] Should a girl rule out a guy because they are recovering from an addiction or has had bad relationships? Chris and Marni are on the fence about the issue. Chris says it depends on whether or not the guy is still stuck in the victim mentality or whether he is actively working on his issues.

Marni says that we are all humans and most people have baggage but if we are truly interested in the person it is important to consider how the person is navigating through it and ultimately what their core values are.

Ladies, if a guy has secrets, be curious, but cautious.

Spotting the Control Freak [29:26] Bennet was one of those in the early episodes that came on strong as a possible winner. He is the smart, handsome Harvard guy. But in this episode, he just won’t leave young Noah alone. Marni says he shows his true colors and while he might seem like the ideal date he comes off like a bad boss who does more harm than good.

Chris adds that even though Bennet is handsome, he is no Clark Kent. Superman wouldn't pick a battle with a lesser opponent.

Take it ‘Eazy’ When You Share Your Feelings [39:27] Bachelorette, Tayshia is confident and mature, so when Eazy shared his strong feelings early in the game she looked a tad uncomfortable. Why would Eazy say that he could see Tayshia as his wife and that he was falling in love with her instead of waiting it out?

It may have seemed nice at first but the pair had not yet talked about their values. Chris and Marni agree that it was way too early for Eazy to share his feelings of love. His being sent home afterward was almost expected.

In dating, it is not about hooking a fish. A relationship is about the long play.

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Marni welcomes a leading expert in women's wellness and menopause Dr. Mache Seibel into the Den. Dr. Mache is a member of the Harvard Medical Faculty, author of the bestselling book, The Estrogen Fix, and editor of the #1 magazine for midlife women, Hot Years Mag.com.

As a gynecologist, Dr. Mache was a leading expert in infertility. He has published over 200 scientific articles and 17 books.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What symptoms to expect during menopause
How to lessen the symptoms of menopause
What to do if you don’t feel sexy or sex hurts during menopause
Why some women gain weight during menopause

Physical, Mental, and Emotional Effects of Menopause [3:10] Regardless of who you are, as a woman, there is no getting away from menopause. No matter how you try to avoid it, it is going to happen. It is part of the normal cycle of life. The trick, says Dr. Mache, is to be prepared. Many women believe menopause is something that happens to older women, but the average age in the U.S. is 45-55. And, up to 10% of women go into menopause before the age of 45. 1% of women hit menopause before the age of 40!

For most women, they suddenly begin having foggy brain, hot flashes, lack of libido, sleep problems, etc. But, the medical definition of menopause is one year of no menstruation.

Dr. Seibel says women who figure out how to ease or reduce the symptoms of menopause are more likely to have a smoother transition. Healthy foods, time spent with friends, and plenty of sleep are all effective ways of reducing symptoms.

Ladies, figure out menopause, don’t tough it out! For almost every symptom there is a partial solution to ease it.

Dry Lady Parts Are Nothing to Be Ashamed of [26:15] If you do not feel motivated to date or don't feel sexy, Dr. Mache says it is common for vaginal tissues to get drier and thinner as women age. These symptoms can be remedied with local treatments. Nobody should have to endure painful sex! If it causes stress within your relationship, it is a problem. It is a medical condition that should be addressed.

Sexual issues or hypo-active sexual desire disorder means you are still interested in sex but it isn’t pleasurable.

The good news is, if you feel apathetic or disinterested in sex, you can do something about it. It's a medical problem. But, there are treatments for you to get your mojo back. Explain how you are feeling to your doctor. Don’t be timid. That is what a doctor is there for.

The most important organ for sex is your brain.

Why Some Women Gain Weight During Menopause [31:44] Many women believe menopause equals weight gain, but do reduced hormones really cause them to gain weight? Studies show estrogen limits the amount of weight gain. As a woman goes through menopause, she loses about 3% of her metabolism every decade. If she eats the same calories every decade of her life, slowly, she will gain a dress size.

Dr. Mache shares that fat cells migrate from where they are to new locations like the thighs and hips, or causing muffin tops. Maintaining a certain weight requires great control. Women in menopause should pay more attention to the foods they eat.

When you do not get enough sleep, you make more of the hormone that tells you you are hungry.

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Curious conversations with substance, a girl who collects data and has fun, could this be the closest real dating experience a reality show has ever produced? A shelter in place order at a La Quinta Inn reveals opportunities for Tayshia to make real connections. Marni and Chris Gillis unpack this revolutionary episode of the Bachelorette.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why it’s important to have technology-free dates
What to say to a guy has a pattern of asking you out last minute
Quality questions to ask high-quality guys
The red flags of emotionally unavailable men
How to be feminine and flirty on a date

Finally, Some Semblance of a Real Date [4:03] Tayshia’s one-on-one date with Ivan was incredibly vulnerable. It’s important to note, this was a no technology affair. The pair played games and opened up about their feelings the exact things people should do to get to know one another. They had a great time without a single screen in the room.

When Tayshia shared her feelings about being bi-racial in 2020 and the BLM movement she got emotional. Some tears were shed. Ivan wasn’t sure what to do, it was hard for him to be with her and her emotions without trying to solve them or fix them. It was vulnerable for her to share her experience and it created intimacy between the two.

An outpouring of emotion leaves a guy wondering how he can fix the issue.

Tayshia made the most of the Truth or Dare game. She asked good dating questions. She collected data, she was curious, and she truly listened to the responses.

Chris says “If a girl is honest about the questions she asks, a guy will tell you exactly who they are.”

Both Marni and Chris were perplexed by Tayshia giving a rose to Zac because he never let his guard down. Could she be interested in emotionally unavailable guys? Zac had trouble asking straight-forward questions. Is Tayshia enticed by mystery men? Is the chemistry so hot she forgot about her values?

Hot, off-the-bat chemistry has often landed girls with a jerk of a guy.

Why Do Women Make Men Jump Through Hoops? [22:45] It makes sense that if fairy tales were the only love guidance we received as girls, we expect guys to fulfill our every desire. But, does the right guy have to be a knight in shining armor?

The structure of the show regrettably promotes the guys proving themselves to Tayshia. But as Marni points out, Tayshia is dating several guys at once, and at the end of the day, the guy with initiative will stand out in the crowd.

In the real dating world, Marni recommends the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy and not sharing that you are dating other people when a guy asks you out.

Women tend to be unconsciously looking for reasons to rule a guy out. Train your brain to rule him in before he rules himself out.

Are Guys Wired Differently? [36:11] Chris says “Yes, guys are wired differently. So, be direct with them.” He adds that guys are constantly in problem-solving mode. And oftentimes, girls just want to be heard and listened to compassionately, not necessarily fixed.

His advice for ladies, if you do tell a guy to do something he will take it literally. Most men don't see beyond the surface. They miss out on the poetry and the layers you may be feeling.

Guys say what they mean and mean what they say. It is not open to interpretation!

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In this intense coaching episode, Marni gets real about what is keeping Layne enamored with a guy she has only met four times in six years. What they uncover together is that Layne keeps this relationship in her life because she has traumatic wounding from childhood she hasn’t been able to heal.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Recognize when a guy is just leaving breadcrumbs
Why we keep attracting the same type of guy
How old wounding keeps us emotionally unavailable
Why what we think keeps us safe actually keeps us stuck

Nibbling on the Breadcrumbs [2:00] For six years, Layne has been in a long-distance relationship with a guy who she has only seen in person four times. She is exhausted from pining for a person who gives so little of himself. She keeps herself ‘on the market’ for someone else via online dating but her heart always goes back to him.

Layne describes her crush as an artist. The last time they met was at one of his art installations and they didn’t even kiss. She says she went no contact for a while but he was still on her mind. He makes intermittent contact, but she wants more.

Marni recognizes immediately that the guy makes just enough effort to leave breadcrumbs. She lets Layne know the truth, “If he is truly interested he is going to be more than just a little flirty.”

What Does Layne Want from a Relationship? [11:57] Layne admits she would rather have a guy whose words match his actions but she is having a hard time finding a guy she has chemistry with. She over-analyzes every conversation and contact with him. She doesn't voice how she feels and she has never been vulnerable with him. She finds it acceptable to be the cool girl.

In order to have a healthy relationship, you have to have emotional safety.

Marni offers Layne some hard-core dating advice:

Get some closure in this relationship
She's not meeting anyone else because she is unavailable
She needs to open up by gifting herself self-trust, emotional safety, and vulnerability
Speak her truth and set some boundaries

Layne needs to understand why she has been able to live off of crumbs for so long. And, look at why she continues to be challenged in love and relationships. Maybe, the universe holds more for her?

Why Am I Attracting the Same Type of Guy? [23:58] Layne finally opens up and shares that she felt abandoned by her mother at a very young age. She was left with her grandparents. Her inner child has a big wound she has yet to heal.

Marni empathizes with her and says it sucks to not feel wanted but that is the reason her brain is playing the pattern over and over again. It is trying to protect her from hurt again. Layne needs to love her little ‘who’ through her pain.

The bottom line is while there is a connection with this one guy, Layne should realize she is capable of making a much bigger connection with a guy who is emotionally available when she heals her hurts.

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Marni and Chris Gillis unpack the latest episode of the Bachelorette. The new Bachelorette, Tayshia, is a breath of fresh air on the dating scene. She is playfully collecting evidence about all the guys and having a great time in the process. During this episode, Marni points out what Tayshia is doing right and how some of the guys are missing the mark.

Key takeaways from this episode:

How to voice a concern to someone you are dating
How to data date to gather information
The answer to the question ‘Why are you still single?’
What dating with dignity looks like

The New Bachelorette Dates with Dignity [1:05] Marni and Chris express how great it is to see Tayshia, the new Bachelorette, work through the dating process with dignity. Marni points out that she doesn't get overly invested in, or attached to any one particular guy and she seems genuinely interested in finding out who is her best value match.

The key to Tayshia’s winning dating protocol is that she gives all the guys an equal chance. If she notices chemistry growing with a guy she plays and flirts but is still committed to finding matching values. She is data dating.

Past Bachelorettes have mistaken lust for love and lust.

Marni shares a big coaching tip, “Ladies when someone asks you how are you still single, tell your story. Say you are selective, and about the time you spent time building a career or traveling.” Then finish with, ‘but now I am ready'. Chris reminds us not to worry about where you are in your life or if you have found someone or not. Guys understand because many of them are single too.

Should You Ask Someone to Change Their Look?[8:49] During the episode, Tayshia asks Noah to shave off his facial hair, aka The ‘stache. Marni asks Chris if it is acceptable to ask someone to change the way they look when dating. Chris doesn't think it’s OK to ask someone to change. He says if a woman really wants a change she should find a way to reward a guy if he changes his look without making it an ultimatum.

Taisha asks Noah “I wonder what your face would look like without that mustache?”

Dating Den Facebook Group Discussion Point: Marni asks “Do you think 'smokeshow' is a derogatory term?” Go to the FB page to share your thoughts.

How to Bring Up Concerns Without the Drama [20:57] One of the guys, Ed, wants to share something with Tayshia about one of the other guys. He is sincere when he tells her but it could be construed that he is talking behind the other guy’s back. Did Ed handle it the best way possible?

Chris says he wouldn't want to hear it forcefully, or blurted out, especially if it is a delicate situation. He recommends bringing up feedback like you would like to hear it yourself. If you have a similar situation or can relate to the issue, be honest, and open about what it is and share your concerns. Chris says, if a guy is into you, he will go into hero mode to make sure the situation is rectified.

Marni recalls the Gottman Group's Gentle Startup technique. Start a delicate conversation with a feeling and voice your concern thoughtfully.

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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Marni welcomes Jen into the Dating Den. When 55-year-old Jen first joined Marni’s program, she was unmarried Jen . How did it happen that within 10 months she was married? Jen followed the process, did the work, and got clear about what she wanted in a relationship. During this episode, Jen shares how the lessons she learned in the program affect her life daily and how she met her husband.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Moving past trust issues
Creating non-negotiables
Daily appreciation practices
Conflict resolution in the early stages of a relationship

Why Seek Dating Help? [1:08] For many years, Jen had been in a 23-year marriage that produced six children and ended in divorce. She then had a 5-year relationship that ended in a broken engagement. Jen knew she was ready to date again but was discouraged. She wanted a quality relationship but felt lost. What she was lacking was a plan.

When Jen heard about Marni’s program her confidence was at an all-time low. She realized if she continued to do the same things she would get the same results. So, she embraced Marni’s positive energy and decided to jump in with both feet.

Many women don't believe it is possible to have an effective dating process. In reality, it isn't that much different from any other vision or intention you have for your life.

Jen had previously seen a counselor but it didn’t help her to create a concrete action plan.

Letting Go & Trusting the Process [9:30] Jen admits to being skeptical when first signing up. She did not tell her friends or family what she was doing in case it was too good to be true.

But, once she committed herself, Jen started sharing the information she was learning with everyone she knew. She says she felt confident she was getting the guidance she needed.

Jen’s kids began to notice her increased confidence level and mentioned it to her often. She says she felt more self-assured and started to understand her internal processes better. She started voicing her wants and needs and she clearly laid-out her non-negotiables.

Jen launched her dating strategy. She returned to Match.com, but this time it felt different. She went on a few dates before meeting THE guy who shared her values. Following the process brought her value-based, non-negotiables into focus.

“This time, dating was different because now I was clear about what I wanted.”

Tying the Knot [21:24] Jen and Tim built a relationship together. For her, his words matched his actions. For him, she released her fears and trust issues and committed herself to him and their relationship. She describes her life now as peaceful and full of joy and confidence. She shares her

Jen continues to practice the lessons she learned in the program. Self-love and self-appreciation are now part of her daily routine. Her advice for other women looking for a quality relationship, ‘trust the process’ and ‘there is hope’.

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

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Marni Battista

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