93X Half-Assed Morning Show HIGHLIGHTS: Recent Episodes

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Short clips and bits brought to you daily from the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show

It's no secret that Vikings TE Kyle Rudolph loves professional wrestling. A few weeks ago he rocked some sweet Undertaker-styled cleats. Nick asked him about his favorite wrestlers of all time, and asked him to name his top five. Some on the list may surprise you, and he even includes a fun story about how Matt Cassel thinks that the Hulkster may actually be Kyle's dad.

As we walked into work this morning, we noticed something kind of strange. Our promotions director's office was wide open, as was the 'prize closet.' Just like the name says, it's the (usually) locked closet that houses all the prizes we give away. Everything from free key chains and magnets, to concert tickets and autographed guitars. However, this room also houses things that NO ONE WANTS. Like a t-shirt from 2008 promoting Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or a toilet-shaped mug trying to get you to watch the 2011 canceled NBC sitcom "Outsourced." We sent Ross into the closet to find the dumbest crap we could.

When you bring a new life into the world, you have to deal with more than intense labor pains and a splatter or placenta and yucky womb water, you have to actually figure out what to name this new creation. Lately, people have been taking some liberties in what they name their babies, and they have to make sure that the name given them doesn't also give them a lifetime of torment and ridicule. Good luck parents, it's only your child's happiness that hangs in the balance...

If the zombie apocalypse were to happen tomorrow, or any kind of civilization-ending event, then the few who know to survive, would only be the ones who know how to make it. As we take a closer look at our skill set, we realize that if the end of the world were to happen tomorrow, we'd all be screwed. Unless someone needs: a commercial recorded, help handing out bumper stickers, or really want to meet Zach Parise. Our only saving grace, believe it or not, may be Ross... God help us.

A study showed that relationships are more successful when the woman is way more attractive than the man.

According to Nick, good looking men are more likely to go after under-attractive women to make themselves feel better. Nick is positive that Ali has missed out on sexual opportunities with good looking men strictly because she's too good looking for them.

Some forward thinking concert goers came up with the genius plan to bury a bottle of vodka on the grounds of a music festival, weeks before the concert, with the intent of digging it up during the show.

That way, they would be able to drink for free during the concert. That is absolutely genius.

Nick had a similar experience in junior high after he and some friends stole some booze from a few houses. The only problem is that the concert guys had Google Maps and GPS, while Nick's friend who did the burying totally forgot where the treasure of alcohol was buried. Or, at least, that's what he claims.

Tomorrow, at 8:20, we're going to have lawyer Ryan Pacyga in-studio. And, since he is a strong legal mind, we're going to put him to work for you...for free.

He'll settle your petty gripes that you may have with a friend, co-worker, or loved one. So think something up, and call us tomorrow.

The third season of Chris Hansen's show Killer Instinct starts up next Tuesday on Investigation Discovery.

We talked to him a little about his show, what it's like interviewing convicted murderers, and why we still get weirded out when we're asked to 'have a seat over there.'

When radio stations get desperate for ratings, they will send their DJs on some crazy trip for a broadcast or make them do some crazy stunt.

Nick and his partner at the time were forced to do a radio show while submerged in a water tank. It was either that, or be buried alive... And still do a show. Man, are we glad we're past that kind of nonsense.

We've all had that total brainfart behind the wheel.

Some of our incidents have been a little more public than others. Ali ran into a mailbox, Ali slid off an on-ramp, Ali...

You get the idea. Nick and Josh have their own fair share of incidents with vehicles too. Some more believable than others.

Today, Nick divulged a bit of embarrassing information. When he was a kid, he had the strange urge to eat lipstick. He thought that the color, look, and the way it came out of the tube, reminded him of candy. Maybe a Push Pop.

Anyway, this desire has never really left him. He also has a strong desire to be part of a lipstick party. That is not strange at all.

We all get scarred by some traumatic childhood experience that gives us a fear of something that we have no reason to be afraid of. Whether it be spiders, cotton balls, or the dark, we all have that one thing that truly terrifies us WAY more than it should. We had listeners tell us that they were afraid of the Chuck E Cheese animals, dry sponges, and caterpillars. Randy is afraid of the dark and Josh has a friend that is scared of left turns... He's all right now.

We debated which you would rather do, luge or skeleton. Nick said that he would much rather bomb down an icy track head first than balls first. After all, even though he doesn't use it that much, he still appreciates his junk... Just like a classic car. He may only take it for a few drives a year, but he still wants to take care of it. Reminiscing the good times together, and polishing it on occasion.

When a lady friend of Nick's told him a totally unbelievable sex story, he did the one thing we never thought he would; he believed it.

But given his own track record of unbelievable sex stories, he tends to give them the benefit of the doubt. So, if you have a fake or real sex story you want someone to believe... Tell Nick.

A week ago, Wappel sent our show into a spiral after completely misunderstanding a bit we did on the air while he was on vacation.

He never saw or heard what we did, first hand. He heard the wrong information through a friend. And, instead of calling us to ask about it directly, he took his friend's word for it, cussing us out via text, and not responding to any calls or texts.

Now, in the end, Wappel realized his mistake and apologized. But that didn't stop us from putting him out on a bridge anyway. The misunderstanding made us think of two more episodes that got way out of control. One involving former Twins catcher AJ Pierzynski, and one involving Stephane Veilleux.

After last year's masturbation fundraiser, we learned that Josh and Nick don't whack off very often.

It was only recently that Josh was told by a doctor that his lack of self pleasure might actually be clinically a problem.

The doctor told him, in order to keep his prostate healthy, he has to box the clown a little more often.

NFL Hall of Famer Michael Irvin told TMZ that he would like to start a celebrity MMA tournament.

Nick asked Josh and the Brotherhood which celebrities would they like to see in a MMA fight. And, how the texts rolled in.

Nick qualified with one thing. They couldn't have any background in anything athletic. How we didn't immediately think of the girl on girl bouts is beyond us.

Earlier this week, we were talking about getting into accidents on our bikes and skateboards when we were kids.

One piece of information that slipped by all of our memories, was Josh saying that he had lost a couple of teeth to a crash. He gave us the whole story, including how one of his Chiclets took the long way… Out his butt.

Don't let TV fool you; when you or your wife/side action have a baby, it will not be a cleanly event. There is more blood, gore, and disgusting scenes than you can imagine. Both Josh and Ross have had front row seats for this event, and while Nick is mystified as to the desire for a father to be a part of the birthing process, Josh is just glad that the woman is there to support her man after the nine months of childbearing he has gone through...

When you're expecting gusts, you might pretty up our house a little more than usual. One study even showed how people will fill their fridge with healthy food, to make themselves not look like a disgusting slob. Nick has no such reservations. He hasn't cleaned out his oven since the Reagan Administration, and still cooks up a couple of frozen pizzas in there every week... Right beside the charred remains of a few dead mice.

One of the best things about working at a school is that there is a hot lunch prepared at work every single day.

Nick's brother works at a school but does not partake in the school sanctioned meal. Instead he ventures outside the school grounds for food.

Why does he bother making an extra trip? The $3.00 cost of the school's lunch is just too steep of a price.

Ali had a story in the Stupid News confirming what we all know is true... That, given the opportunity, our pets will devour us if we die in their presence.

Hell, it won't even take that long. It's not that surprising though, given that Nick's old dog used to eat his dead foot skin on a regular basis. And, even though we are all good friends here, we wouldn't hesitate to eat each other if we crashed on a deserted island. Even if some light strangulation is required.

A long time ago, ESPN started it... Catch phrase on the news. Since the days of "Boo-yah," "En fuego," and "Cool as the other side of the pillow," other news people have tried to get in the action.

With even weathermen, weaving Star Wars, Game of Thrones, and 2-Pac references into their reports; we thought that it's about time for Randy Shaver to get involved in the action. With a name like "Shaver" and a nickname like "Assman," how could we go wrong? You have any ideas?

Sex toys can be very expensive. If people expect us to buy brand new ones each time we get into a new relationship, they are crazy.

All you ever have to really do is clean them thoroughly. And if hand scrubbing isn't your thing, then toss those dildos in the dishwasher.

Still not enough for the picky girl in your bedroom? After you wash them, put them back in the original packaging every time... Shhhhh... She'll never know.

A man in China was repeatedly bumping a woman on a subway train with his erect penis. No one on the train stepped up to talk to the penis poker, and it occurred to Nick that he would have a hard... er, difficult time talking to a man with a boner, as he has no experience with such a thing. So we asked the resident boner expert... Ali.

Ali used to live with a guy who she claims she never was involved with. But all signs point to his desire to get down and dirty with our Ali, after she reported that he would walk around the apartment naked... A lot.

But, she claims, very vehemently, that he did NOT want to have sex with her... We dispute that claim.

We found an article in Men's Health that details strange side effects that people have experienced while having an orgasm.

Tears, headaches, and cramps are more common than you think. But it's the sneezing, runny noses, and sore arms that we're more worried about. Hell, the guy with the runny nose was probably suffering from a condition... A condition that we will share with you as soon as we can say it with a straight face.

A long time ago (about 12 years,) local Supercross star Ryan Dungey was a fresh-faced 15-year-old who had just moved the town of Belle Plaine. He didn't know a soul, but when he walked into the local diner, and saw the girl working the counter he knew she was the one. All he had to do was ask her out... A task which proved harder and more intimidating than the largest quad jump that he had ever encountered.

Twenty years ago, Nick took a girl on a first date.

They went to Red Lobster, and followed it up with a trip to see Styx at the Civic Center. There, he added many, many warm beers to his stomach before heading back to her place for a little S-E-X.

And that's when it happened... The food and beer fought back... He was forced to WRECK her bathroom, while she listened. Don't worry. He still got the sex... And a wife.

Some people say that hockey players are the best athletes in he world.

Their stamina and agility put them above all others. We would like to throw another athlete in the running... The petty thief. After they snatch a purse or a cellphone, they have to make such a quick getaway, that not their victim or any hero-wanna-be can stop them. Do you know how much strength and coordination it takes to jump over a fence while carrying a TV and being chased by the cops? We're not totally sure..., bet it's a lot.

A guy in Australia is under investigation after pulling off the boss of all boss moves.

He landed his helicopter outside of a McDonald's to pick up some food before taking off again. That is SO cool, that bystanders got so jealous, they had to call the cops.

If it doesn't concern you, keep your mouth shut. Same goes for you, whoever complained to the city about the airplane, or the firetruck in someone's driveway. And you too, Nick's neighbor who complained about the car on his lawn. Just mind your own business!

Wappel reveals all about the 4 times he had sex this weekend. It finally happened, and as Nick says...he's far less interesting now.

With Nick hanging out at Medina a lot, it got him thinking about starting a 93X bowling team with Randy Shaver, but no one from 93X can join

The parent of an Eastview High School student in Apple Valley is being accused of stealing $9000 from the senior class party fund, that she spent on her Pure Romance adult toy business.

Ali has attended these parties, but bought the most unsexy product imaginable.

A recent report from the city of New York showed the names of all the registered pets that were named after sports stars.

We took that idea and expanded it. We asked the Brotherhood if they named any pets after any celebrities, favorite characters, or other odd things... We were not disappointed.

An adults-only theme park in Brazil has been temporarily put on hold after the funding dried up.

The sex-themed Epcot was to include dildo-shaped bumper cars, an enhanced reality theater, and a 'probably contaminated with bodily fluids' water park.

Josh and Nick ran through some other sex-themed rides that could be featured in the park. And their imagination seems to be way better than the park's ACTUAL designers.

With all these new, fancy stadiums in town, people are going to soon forget what it was like to have to use the bathrooms at the old Metrodome.

The long lines, the smell, and of course, the trough will hopefully never be lost to legend. As a kid, having to use that piss dungeon was a special experience... And an educational one...

When Nick goes to BIR, he, like almost every fan, brings a party vehicle to drive around the Zoo and drink in.

After sitting for almost a year, he and his friends cleaned it up, and modified it to shoot water from the windshield washer tank onto unsuspecting campers.

One guy, who caught a lot of the water in his mouth, must have woken up feeling a little sick the next morning. No, it wasn't the beer, or the under cooked hamburger... It was the dead mouse that was floating in that washer fluid tank.

A Toyota 4Runner owned by Aaron Hernandez, and allegedly used in the murder of a man, went up for auction on Ebay. The question went around about if you would be more likely, or less likely to buy a vehicle with such a checkered past...

Then, the discussion moved to houses. And while a murder house isn't in a lot of our dreams, Nick has used a story of someone dying in his house to his advantage. Guaranteed to get any unwanted girl out of your home in seconds!

When you grow up, your first friends are family members...

Cousins and siblings take up most of your free time. Then, as you get a little older, the kids in your neighborhood become your core friends. You think you'll go through everything together...

And that nothing will ever tear you apart... Until one of them grows up, starts selling cars, and TOTALLY rips you off...

We got a listing of the worst jobs to have in America, and (surprise!) radio broadcaster was on list.

Also on the list were a bunch of jobs that aren't really hard, just don't pay well and are disappearing from the workforce.

A couple of warehouse workers texted in, reminding us how bad their job was..

Josh and Nick,having both worked in a warehouse, agreed. Josh at UPS where thought that he'd be the king of the unloaders... And Nick, who scored the Holy Grail of warehouse jobs. Forklift driver.

For as long as any of us can remember, 93X has had a weekly bar gig at Hoggsbreath in Little Canada. And all of us agree, the girls in those parts are a special breed. They get a little naughtier than usual. And those girls don't just stay in the bar. They may spill across the parking lot, across Demont St. to Flameburger for a late night burger or a short stack of pancakes. Josh had one such night there 20 years ago. It started out like a Penthouse Letter. It ended like Leave It to Beaver.

When a AAA driver locked his keys in his AAA vehicle, he had to call AAA to get him back in…

Call it AAA-ception…

We got to talking about locking our keys in the car. While all of us have done it at some point in our lives, a couple of us have done it with the engine running. But Nick is the only one lucky enough to see it happen with the car in gear, on a frozen lake. That there is good entertainment.

A woman allegedly tried to scam IHOP by planting a condom in one of her pieces of French toast.

While the idea of such a thing in her food grossed Ali out to no end, it didn't bother Josh or Nick one tiny bit.

They expect their food to be tainted with the occasional prophylactic. Besides, Nick has had far worse things in his food... PEAS!!

Guys are no strangers to peeing in a bottle in a pinch.

Sometimes it's just too hard to hold it, or when you are going it's too hard to stop it. Nick had this problem the night he was to meet a young lady at her apartment for some adult activities. When she didn't show up for more than an hour, he tried to pee into a bottle in his car... Things did not go well.

A professor at UCONN, claiming it was a virus, accidentally sent a porno link to her students. The video was probably the last thing she looked at before emailing her class.

We went around the horn, reminiscing about the last porno that we had watched. Ali's was boring, Nick's was trendy, and Ross' was educational. After all, Nick had never heard of Realtor porn. And Ali was given an offer she couldn't refuse, but did anyway.

A seven-year-old tried to pass off a note that he wrote himself as a note from the school, telling his mother that he needed to play more video games.

Adorable, right?

But that brought up an interesting point that kids think their parents will fall for anything. As a kid, you don't understand it. But as you grow older you figure it all out. What's a dumb way you tried to fool your parents when you were a kid? Or a way your kid has tried to fool you?

To most listeners, hearing Nick went to after-school detention in high school does not come as a big surprise. What would be a surprise is that he actually enjoyed it and would go there even if he didn't have to.

Also a surprise, would be that Josh was summoned to detention for what turned out to be a total BS reason. His experience was not quite the laugh-riot that Nick's was, but he did learn a valuable trade... Painting.

There are few things in the world that look as good to a guy as a a nice girl's butt in a tight pair of jeans...

Except for maybe that same butt in a pair of underwear... And a naked one.

For a girl, the niceness should stop with the jeans, because once they come off, all hell breaks loose. But, apparently, there are girls that like a guy's bare butt... A guy's hairy, stinky, pimply butt...

They say that you're not supposed to give a dog beer, but when when they find it on their own, there's not much you can do about it.

Nick's dog was sneaky about it, stealing your beer right out from under you. And while Josh's dog may have not been a "booze hound" (rimshot) he did have his vices... BEWBS!!

A college student in Kansas tweeted Dr. Pepper that it would be easier (and cheaper) for her to enjoy her debilitating three-can/day addiction to the pop if she had a fountain of it installed at her house.

Well, a few weeks later, in a brilliant piece of viral marketing, they delivered a six-foot tall Dr. Pepper fountain, installing it in her yard. This hit a bit of a sore spot with Josh and Nick, as their addictions to Mountain Dew and Coors Light are far greater than her Dr. Pepper addiction. They deduced that she only was given this grand gift, because she's a super hot college girl. In order to dispel this obvious discrimination, Mountain Dew and Coors Light each need to step up, and give Josh and Nick fountains of their own.

Little kids are sponges of information.

They will just soak up everything that they hear around them. Most of it is good. Some of it is bad. And when that first bad word spills out of their mouth, it can be both terrifying and hilarious. We share some stories of the first dirty words ever spoken in our lives.

When you work in a low-paying profession like radio, sometimes you get 'paid' in other ways.

Cheap promotional items, gift cards, or meaningless awards may raise an employee's self esteem for the time being, but probably not long term. As Ali read through a list of the 10 worst things employees have gotten instead of a raise, Nick and Josh shared some of their similar experiences.

These days, "life hacks" are all the rage. Nick even has one. If you find your girlfriend/wife/side-action cranky and you think that a gift would help calm her down, then just give her a gift. But there's no need to go to the store and spend money... NO! All you have to do is look around the house for something another girl left behind at some point in time.

A) You already know it's girl approved B) As long as it's not already hers, you're golden!

According to a study that Ali read, the best way to determine if a guy has a big penis it to see if his ring finger is larger than his index finger. The rest of us disagreed with that scientific method... The best way is to... you know... LOOK AT IT!

A man won a $100,000 jackpot on a high states slot machine but didn't actually get any winning... His lady-friend did. Why you may ask? Because casinos don't care about where the money came from. They don't care who even put it in the machine. The winner is whoever pushes the button or pulls the lever. This gave Josh an idea. He's going to go to the casino and be everyone's lucky charm. He'll push the button for you, that was when you win, it's really Josh who wins. Honestly, it kind of sounds like a scam that Homer Simpson would pull. Maybe that's why I like it so much...

This weekend the Masters are on which is huge for golf. Nick isn't a fan, so instead we'll give you KARE 11's Randy Shaver and why he loves this tradition like no other!

Since the last time we spoke with Zach's older, less talented, but just as handsome brother Jordan, he had taken a trip to Japan to ski and take in some of the Japanese culture.

He and his buddy "Ben" did some sightseeing in Tokyo, and when they stopped for a beer, they had to buy some food too. Although some of the meat skewer options were some... Interesting parts of the pig, they thought they had pointed out some tasty options... Tongue and heart. They did not get tongue and heart...

As the great Homer Jay Simpson once said "Don't you hate pants!?"

How right he was. Hating pants is a main contributing factor in someone's desire to walk around their home in the #nude. Some people wash their dishes, vacuum, or just watch TV in their birthday suit. If you do, just know that no matter the precautions you may take... No matter how sure you are that no one outside can see you... You are dead wrong.

Back before she was on this show with us, Ali was part of another morning show in southern California.

No, she wasn't running the board, or doing the sports report. She was sent out on the streets to do in-depth stories like "Bum or Bird," "Walk of Shame," or "You Must Be This Tall."

That's right, she was the wacky girl on the street. Not all of them were homeruns, but she seemed to have a good time... Even if they did give her a dumb radio name.

When it comes to physical fights, the rule is that you don't hit a girl.

In elementary school, that rule may not apply as much as it does as an adult, since girls that age can kick the crap of a boy of the same age, pretty handily. Although rare... It does happen.

The problem is, if you're a boy, you can't really fight back. AND you have to hide any pain that the girl may have caused you. After all, you can't make it look like you were actually hurt by a girl... Right, Nick?

The end of the work week is both relieving and stressful at the same time.

Sure the weekend is just hours away, but you need to finish your tasks from the week.

During the Stupid News today, Nick and Josh took some time to get some things done before the week ran out. It felt good to get some things done, like fixing Nick's truck, cleaning up the studio, making some copies, and inflating balloons for a join birthday party tonight. None of it was too distracting, was it?

We were in a discussion about how kids' birthday parties have gotten out of control, and Ali volunteered some information that we're thinking she wishes she hadn't.

When when was 10 or 11, she had an Oscar-Themed birthday party.

The guests all had to dress up, and awards were handed out, such as Best Hair, Best Dress, and so on. This did not sit well with Nick...

Today we had local, soon-to-be male porn star Johnny Brutal in studio. He was chosen by xHamster to star as Donald Trump in a new porno movie.

It appeared that Ali was swooning over the guy, but when asked if she would ever date a guy who did porn, even formerly. She said no. What’s the difference between a guy who used to bang a bunch of girls professionally, or recreationally? Is there? Would you date a pro? Or would it ruin ex for the rest of your life? Discuss.

When we play a game like Front of Back, Gay Sex or Power-lifting, or any other bit that involves porno audio, either Ross or Wappel has to actually watch the videos to record the sound. Most of the time, they do it here at the station. When you're blaring loud sex noises in a crowded workplace, you can get some interesting looks. And if someone objects to the content you are exposing them to, you can always say that it's for 'research purposes.'

Germs are everywhere. If you go to a hotel, you better wipe down the remote control, phone, door handles, throw away the comforter and burn the towels, because they are all going to kill you.

Ali is one of those people who goes above and beyond when it comes to keeping away from germs. You could say Josh and Nick are the complete opposite of that... And they'll prove it.

If you get a regular eight hours of sleep per night, that means that you spend 1/3 of your entire life in bed.

So you can imagine how dirty your mattress and pillow get. They recommend flipping your mattress every six months, replacing it every seven years, as well as keeping fresh pillows under your head.

Nick ignores every single one of those rules and more. His mattress is old enough to run for President, his pillow is stained a mustard yellow, and he doesn't like sheets. Maybe his bedroom should be quarantined. Who knows what's living in it?

Sometimes, when you step into a public bathroom, you can be greeted by any number of surprises.

Someone giving themselves a bath in the sink, a dude taking a crap in the garbage can, or treasure of poo in the toilet.

Josh's most recent encounter with a public toilet yielded a discovery of the largest poop he had ever seen. He did what he could to get rid of it...

Well, he tried to flush it about five times. It didn't budge, so he gave up. And since he was afraid of the repercussions, he never told the clerk. Would you?

Time have changed a lot.

If we did now, some of the things that we did as kids, some of us would be incarcerated.

Nick's knows that. Some of the things he did should have gotten him locked up then. But instead, here he is, on the air every day, able to share those stories with you.

Someone brought a Golden State Warriors toaster to an autograph session to have Klay Thompson sign. He didn't really understand why, but he did it.

Ali had Jared Spurgeon sign a children's activity menu at Tom Reid's with a purple crayon.

Nick had Dokken sign his wallet. Why? Because they were caught by surprise, wanted an autograph, but didn't have a photo, a notepad, or some memorabilia with them. So they made do with what they could. What's the weirdest thing you've had somebody sign?

A sex toy maker is giving customers up to $10,000 in settlement money after a smart sex toy they made was hacked, allowing strangers to track their usage statistics.

The company is offering anywhere from $200 to $10,000 in damages for the error. Even with the payout, Ali would not be okay with this, while Josh and Nick both say that they would volunteer for the assignment.

If you're out on Lake Minnetonka, one of the most popular places to hang out is Big Island.

But, if you go there, be aware... It's home to the beautiful people.

It's usually nothing but attractive 20 year-olds as far as the eye can see. So don't be surprised, if when you pull your boat into the line, you hear some hot girls voice their disappointment in your looks.

A man in Germany was arrested for making drugs after police raided his home on a different offence.

That crime? He burned the image of Hitler into a piece of toast, and posted it online.

In Germany, any public display of the former dictator is strictly forbidden, as the country would just LOVE to erase any memory about those years forever.

That got us to thinking about WWII movies, and which is the best of the best. Personally, I cannot get enough of A League of Their Own. Poor Betty Spaghetti...

Ross

If you are single (or married for that matter) and you are not a saint, you have some porn hidden somewhere in your house.

And it always seems to be in one of three places; either underneath your mattress, in a box in the closet, or in a computer folder named "Federal Tax Returns 2006."

No matter what you do with it, at some point, it will be found by someone. And they will either steal it, or spread it all over your house.

Everyone has a fear of getting older.

You know that every birthday brings you a year closer to your inevitable death.

For a lot of people, 40 is that pivotal year, where you're sure that your life is going to start to head downhill.

But, according to Josh and Nick, the opposite is true.

In a lot of ways things get better. And you can use younger people's expectations of age to your advantage, so that you never have to do anything ever again.

Works sucks. We all know that. So when it comes to getting out of work, most people will do almost anything for the chance to do anything else, other than work.

Sometimes you might do it on purpose, and sometimes an at-work-accident allows you to fall into some paid time-off.

That happened to Josh many, many years ago. Two weeks off. Paid. And all he had to do was come dangerously close to slicing off his finger.

Yesterday, the Vikings announced that they would not be picking up the 2017 option on running back Adrian Peterson's contract.

He'll officially be a free agent later this month. As soon as the announcement was made, experts all over the country have been theorizing his next team. Dallas, Denver, and New York have all been in the conversation, as well as the possibility of him resigning with the Vikings for less money.

But what if he headed a little farther north. Across the Cheddar Curtain, to Green Bay... What if...

A new brothel opened up in Barcelona, Spain where the only ladies being exploited are made of ultra-realistic Cyberskin.

The sex doll brothel charges patrons about $150/hr to have their way with any one of a selection of high-end sex dolls.

And while this whorehouse may be 4,500 miles away, Nick is hopeful that someone with an entrepreneurial spirit starts one up near his home.

And if they don't, he and Josh are prepared to start their own, making sure to ignore stupid ideas from Ross along the way.

Cars with automatic transmissions make driving so easy... You can just jump in and go. No real skills required. But there is something to be said about the joy of driving a stick. Feeling the gears change, having to pay attention, and doing peel-outs with ease is what makes learning to drive a stick-shift fun.

But as Nick, Josh, and Randy found out, there is a bit of learning curve... Like "How the hell do you reverse!?"

Back in 2013 Ross had to make a decision. He had bid in a charity auction, and 'won' a trip to Paris. He was in the longtime-time-coming process of breaking up with his girlfriend. So he had to decide. Stay dating her for another three miserable months and take her to the City of Lights? Or does he do the unthinkable, and bring his sisters. He brought his sisters. And although it had slipped Josh, Nick, and Ali's minds, the Brotherhood never forgets.

Josh and Nick have been friends for a long, long, time. In fact there was a time that Josh was dating Nick's sister, who is a lot like him. Josh didn't get far with her. In fact he's the only one to not get far with her. But this attraction sparked a revelation... All of the qualities that he found attractive in her are also in Nick. So if Nick was a chick, Josh would hit that in an instant.

If there's one name that women won't even call each other, it's most definitely the c-word. In the off-chance a guy calls a woman that name, even in the heat of an argument; you can bet that she will never, EVER let him live it down. When Nick used it, she got mad at him. When Ali used its acronym, her friend (who was not even on the receiving end of the insult) got mad at her. And, when Josh used it in a sideways manner, it almost killed the poor girl.

Former Colts and Miami Hurricanes star running back Edgerrin James is opening up his own strip club in his hometown of Miami, Florida.

It looks like it's going to be a success despite the competitive strip club market. That got us thinking... Is Miami the strip club capitol of the USA? Nope. Not even close. Is it Las Vegas? Nope. New York? LA? Nope and nope. The answer is going to surprise you.

Fat Tuesday is on only two weeks away, and if you've spent any time in New Orleans during the celebration, you know it comes with drunken shenanigans unlike you've ever seen before.

Nick has experienced Mardi Gras first-hand, and he'll be the first to tell you... Don't go. Go a few weeks ahead of time, so you can walk around, see the sights, get easily into a bar, and not see a guy giving another guy oral sex in an alleyway...

In the last few years, youth sports have become more and more co-ed.

Girls have beaten boys in high school wrestling, boys playing girl's field hockey or soccer is becoming more and more common.

It's safe to say that Nick and Randy had two very differing experiences with the opposite sex invading their sports.

When you start to get older, you might not realize it. But there are signs along the way. Your sight starts to blur, your hearing starts to go, or your memory starts to fade.

But sometimes, like in Josh and Nick's case, it's something a little more subtle. For them it's the inability to drink like a fish, the desire to go to Home and Patio Shows, and loving HGTV.

For those of you under the age of 30, a check is like a legally-binding I.O.U, that you use in place of money or a credit card to pay for goods or services.

Typically, the check has to be filled out in a very specific way, with no leeway for mistakes.

The only thing that is really left up to you, is what goes in the memo line. You might have to put your car's VIN, account number, or phone number on the line, but mostly it's up to you.

So next time you have to pay your buddy for a Twins ticket, write "Weed Money" on the memo. You need to give your cousin a birthday present? Write "Mediocre Oral Sex" there. Upset about a mechanic's bill that was more than you expected? Tell them to f*** off, right there in the memo.

On 93X.com, right now, you can find two absolute, stone-cold foxes, who loooooove to prank each other.

They strike each other in the genitals, pour dairy creamer on each other, and pull down each other's pants in public. Pranks CAN be fun, but they can definitely go overboard too. As was evidenced by a condom-based prank that Nick described from his days at SCSU. So the question is, would you rather have a semen-based prank pulled on you? Or a poop-based one.

A recent study showed that the majority of respondents thought that if their significant other was having sex with a sex doll, they would consider it cheating.

What??

Admittedly, there are some pretty damn attractive (and expensive) sex dolls out there, but in the end, isn't it no different than masturbating? Nick and Josh have a slightly different viewpoint than Ali on the subject, although if it came down to it, Josh's wife might feel a little different on the subject. What do you think?

A recent study showed some interesting habits of people who masturbate. Things like who is being thought of, how much time is set aside for the act to be completed, etc. One interesting thing that came up is the amount of people who think about their significant others while going to town on themselves.

Josh is one of these folks. Nick was intrigued to find out if any members of the Sisterhood pleasure themselves to the thought of Cubbie. And, to make him feel a little less alone on the subject, he opened it up to the entire cast of the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Everyone knows that a guy who has a platonic female friend, is really just waiting until she is ready to FINALLY bump uglies with him.

We don't judge. We just know the truth. Women are a little more blind to the truth that those 'harmless' male friends you have? The ones that you say are like brothers to you? That would never want to have sex with you?

Guess what. You are sooooooo wrong.

Nick told a story about a friend of his who brought home this wild chick from the bar in the hopes of having sexual relations with her.

His 'friend' was mistaken. She left him all blue-balled. So, the next morning, when 'Nick's friend' couldn't find her, he thought she had went home.

He decided to relieve himself of his blue-balls. As the guy was going at it, she walked in from the living room and caught Nick... I mean Nick's friend.

Last week, Randy Shaver predicted that the Timberwolves would score 129 points against the Nets.

They scored 129 points.

Then, riding the luck of that guess on Monday, he predicted that the team would score 111 points against the Magic.

After the game ended in overtime, the Wolves had scored EXACTLY 111 points. He even mentioned it at the end of the news last night on KARE 11. Now, he didn't mention our show by name, but I THINK this is the only show he's on... Can he keep it up? We'll find out tomorrow when we take on the Cavs.

We got into a story about chicks who slash people's tires.

Nick had a similar story revolving around a crazy broad that he knew, and her run-in with another girl that they went to high school with.

When Nick's friend parked too close to the crazy lady... Let's call her... Ummm..., how about Annie McMammy?

Annie keyed the crap out of her car. What's a crazy incident you had with an old high school acquaintance?

Everyone knows that one guy at work who was let got for a stupid or strange reason.

We got a bunch of texts telling us different stories you have heard or seen happen.

I know a guy who was fired for calling in sick to work, then showing up later in the day to pick up a co-worker to go to the Wild game and I was fired from a movie theater for not coming in on a day I wasn't supposed to work in the first place. Feel free to share your own in the comments.

Ross

We had a story in the news about a man in China who, biking 10 miles per day, went 300 miles in the wrong direction.

While all of us thought it was crazy that he ONLY biked 10 miles per day, Nick thought it was crazy that he was ABLE to bike 10 miles per day.

We then spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain to Nick that riding a bicycle 10 miles is easy to do in half of an hour, let alone 24.

No matter our argument, he just didn't want to listen. So please, Brotherhood, you explain it to him...

A few weeks ago, Josh and his wife went out for a fancy anniversary dinner. They don't usually go to snooty restaurants, so they're a little out of practice.

Asking how the 'cedar-planked' salmon is prepared, not knowing what the house salad is; these thing happen.

And sure, it might make your waiter think you're a yokel, and they might make fun of you in the kitchen, but even they can't match Nick's friend who was oddly disappointed that the tuna in his Wisconsin tuna melt tasted like it came from a can.

Ali is a clumsy girl. She broke her arm 'a lot' when she was younger, she backed into a MASSIVE mailbox, and now she even walks into walls.

During the commercial break between Randy Shaver and our segment with Lt. Tiffani Neilsen, Josh witnessed Ali cracking her elbow on the doorway in our building's hallway.

They all had theories as to why she's injury prone, with Nick even offering a solution or two

A recent study shows that women are more likely to regret a one-night stand, while most guys are more likely to regret missing the chance at one.

A few of us on the morning show have some experience with hittin' it and quittin' it.

Nick has had his fair share, although they did keep him up at night, and Ali has had a few. How many? Well, technically we can say less than 100.

Technically.

You have to be pretty down on your luck to do two things...

1) Share a pair of underwear with a friend. 2) Eat roadkill as a regular meal.

While Nick's dad had to do that first thing, there are far too many people out there who look at that dead raccoon on the side of the road and think it looks like dinner. But, if you HAD to eat some roadkill stew, what animals would be off limits, and which would you chomp up. And deer don't count.

We saw an interesting letter online from a 30 year old guy who sleeps in his mother's king-size bed with her because it helps calm her while her husband is away.

There's nothing dirty happening; just sleep. How creepy is that? Are there other variations of family members sleeping together that is less creepy? More? We get way too far into this subject.

A few years back, some of the ladies in our office got together in a bar for a happy hour. And, just like in middle school, they made a list of the guys in the office that they would most like to do some sexual things with.

Josh & Nick ended up on the top of that list. Now, a lot of time has passed since then, there's been a little employee turnover, and they were wondering if they were still at the top of the list.

They have tasked Ali with confirming that, while they still agree on the top two ladies in the building on their list.

This NFL offseason saw the firing of Rex Ryan in Buffalo.

He was just replaced yesterday by Carolina Panthers defensive coordinator Sean McDermott.

And in a series of complicated connections, he's connected, but not related, to Ross.

Whether it be an NFL coach that's a cousin of a cousin, sitting in front of an SNL alum on an airplane, or getting his elbow on the Jumbotron, Ross is reigning king of the 'lame claim to fame.'

In everyone's drinking group, there's that one friend who just cannot hold their liquor.

But not because they vomit, or get into fights, or get overly emotional.

They just plain cannot withstand the simple force of gravity, falling smooth on their faces with little effort.

Nick & Josh both know a couple people like that. And, I bet if you think about it, you know one too. Just make sure you bring your safety equipment with you to the bar, and make sure you're up to snuff on your CPR classes.

Many homes today have some pretty cool electrical set ups.

Dimmers, timed lights, and motion sensors are just a few of the innovations that have come about in the past 50 years.

Don't mention any of this to Nick or Wappel, as they still have the old school light switches that sound like you're turning on the perimeter fence in Jurassic Park. KER-CHUNK!

The USA Junior team won the gold, defeating Canada on their own ice last night.

The son of North Stars great, Brian Bellows, is on that squad and it reminded Nick & Josh of the time that Brian came into the station's suite during a Metallica concert.

He was nice enough to bring some beers to share. But, due to a misunderstanding involving our hot-headed promotions director, he was swiftly booted from the suite.

Everyone has the little things in life that we all share.

We have all walked into a room and immediately forgotten why we went in there.

We have all thought of all things to do when the power is out, only to forget that you need power to watch TV, play video games, or use the computer.

We also all have those songs that we are positively sure about the lyrics… Until we learn what they really are.

Last year, we learned that Ali used to "break her arm a lot."

She claimed it was because she had fragile bones. Well, she showed up to work today after a two week break with a fresh, new shiner on her eye.

No she didn't get tuned up by a guy.

No she didn't take a hockey puck to the face.

She was attacked... By an #IKEA bookshelf. Those damn Swedes!

We spent a bunch of our time early in today's show talking about Wappel's sex life (or lack there-of.)

After his 24 years on the planet, he remains a virgin; but not for the lack of trying.

We debated why, focusing on his want for more than just meaningless sex.

Nick focused on something else. The fact that he is Wappel.

Then the great debate started of who would you think is a virgin first, Ross or Wappel? And, despite sleeping with more than half a dozen ladies, and having an infant daughter to his name, Ross came out on top.

Nick is not one to follow a woman around the mall all day while she shops. He'd rather get what he needs and get out of there. But there was one time he followed a hot blonde to the mall like a puppy dog. It was when she asked him to help her go bikini shopping. That day, Nick lived the dream...and yes, he crushed that ass.

Today, we presented our annual Re-Newlywed Game, where we pitted four couples head-to-head-to-head-to-head to win a $5000 diamond. And, unlike the original Newlywed Game, our questions are little more R-Rated.

We asked our ladies to tell us the sluttiest thing that they have ever done. Then we asked their guys to try to guess those situations. It did not go as cleanly as they may have hoped.

High school reunions can be either fun or an absolute nightmare.

Sure, everyone tries to get to their 10th, but what's the point of having a 5th?

No one has really changed. That's exactly what this story from Nick's five-year high school reunion illustrated.

Once a bully, always a bully... And once a nerd, always a nerd.

Everyone has had a roommate at some point in their life, and boy howdy, can they be difficult.

If you have siblings, you know this is fact. For some of us, our first taste of co-habitation is when we headed off to college, and got stuck with a randomly picked dorm mate.

That is even true for folks like Kyle Rudolph. After all, a football player is constantly sharing dorms, hotel rooms, and bus rides. Kyle tells us about his favorite roomie from over the years, and we talk about the best (and worst) kinds of roommates we've dealt with.

Nick doesn't like to travel.

Even by car, leaving the state is just, plain annoying to him.

So leave to him that the one time he was in Miami, Florida, it was two o'clock in the morning.

He found himself at a gas station in a crappy part of town, looking for chewing tobacco. Apparently, he was lucky to get out alive.

On Friday morning it was our 17th Annual Toys For TaTa’s broadcast from Rick’s Cabaret.

Last year, we were lucky enough to get #GilbertGottfried into the strip club for an interview. Somehow we got him back this year; only his view was a little different than what he remembered.

Josh has ridden many things in his life.

A camel, an elephant, a horse... and, of course, your mom.

One listener texted in that his wife rides 'something' once every three months. In Nick and Josh's minds, that is the perfect scenario.

After all, they've spent 30 years as irresistible pieces of man flesh. It would be nice to finally be able to take a break... Right?

When a woman was saved from an assault by her pit bull, we got to talking about how our dogs would react in a similar situation.

While Ali was convinced that her Reggie would protect her, we were less convinced.

But that didn't unnerve Ali, as her dog is now a certified therapy dog.

And why did she do that? Josh puts on his 'therapy collar' and tried to figure it out.

When you've been in a relationship a long time, you start to get comfortable with each other.

You might start to do things or request things of your significant other that you would have had no intention of asking earlier on in the relationship.

Popping zits, checking body odor, and using the same toothbrush made the list, but one hit a nerve with the morning show... Pooping in the open.

If you're feeling a little frisky this weekend with someone you may only have luke-warm feelings for, or don't even know... Then don't be a fool. Wrap your tool.

You might get stuck with a yucky STD or even worse, a kid that you're going to have to spend 18 years paying for.

Nick had a friend whose family had a problem with that.

So listen and take note. Wait for the right one, or just get it clipped.

We had Brad Ruiter from the #MinnesotaTimberwolves in to help out while Randy Shaver was on vacation.

He helped Ali with her football picks, and when the #BuffaloBills game came up, we got to talking about all the crazy things that happen at a tailgate party in Buffalo.

Last season there were people being thrown through tables, being set on fire, and being pounded on the hood of a car.

This season, they did not let up, having a guy drink a beer off of a hot chick's naked ass.

We love the video so much, we HAD to show it to Brad... He was speechless.

Almost.

A story from the "stupid news" taught us to never get between an old man and his beer.

When his last two beers were stolen straight out of his kitchen, he chased after the thief with a shotgun.

Nick would never be in this situation, since he always keeps at least a case and a half on hand at all times. In fact, Nick goes to great lengths to make sure he always has enough beer on hand if a 'bachelor party breaks out.'

The last two days, we've spent a lot of time talking about people who you hate, or that might hate you.

It all started with Ali telling us about the Hate of Her Life.

Today, we expanded the hate to you, the Brotherhood. We asked you to tell us who hates you and why. You did not disappoint.

We asked Ali what woman she has hated most in her lifetime.

She regaled us with a story of a woman with whom she worked in California who only talked to half the employees, would Facebook stalk potential new hires to get them fired, and was an overall pain to exist with. Of course, it all boils down to one thing that Ali hated most... That this chick was hotter than her.

For the first time in three years, the smell of gasoline and the sound of 2000 horsepower will once again engulf the city of Minneapolis, as Monster Jam makes its triumphant return to the Twin Cities.

Even our very own Nick and Josh were asked to judge the freestyle competition. And, while it's a dream job for Nick, Josh couldn't take the pressure of handing out scores, so he gave up his seat for a listener. That did not sit well with Nick.

Relationships can be a minefield... No matter how hot your significant other may be, there's usually someone else in their life who's hotter. What do you do in those situations? Deny, deflect, and deceive... "No, she's not attractive!", "She's a real piece of work!" and "Wow, her nose looks busted!" All the while you're thinking about her in the shower soaping up herself, and what sounds she makes in the bedroom...

With Thanksgiving just days away, we went through a list of annoying things that house guests can do. Most of them we agreed with except one. And while we don't expect you to help with chores, like dishes, cleaning, or laundry, we do expect you to make empty offers.

Thanks to a list of questions on the Chive, we asked ourselves what we would do in a series of hypothetical sexual related situations.

One question that drew a lot of interest (and some controversy) was if you would rather go a year without sex, or a year without masturbation.

The results were pretty split on the show.

Today we had MTV star and stand-up comic Tom Green in-studio. Of course, we asked him about his wildly successful MTV show, "The Tom Green Show." It paved the way for folks like "Jackass" and Sacha Baron Cohen.

Some of his reality stunts got a little too real, like when a man came after him with a hammer for trying to sell him a pizza, to when he turned his parent's car into "The Slutmobile," just in time for a visit from his aunt.

But in the end, it seemed like his parents actually kind of liked it.

Sometimes it doesn't take much to entertain us. For instance, today we used the final 10 minutes of the show to run our voices through a program that distorts them to sound like Satan, himself. While Nick's sounded solid and scary, Ali's sounded a bit different, but just as creepy.

The creator of the Real Doll is planning to release his newest high-tech sex doll soon. The robot doll will cost $20,000, teach its users how to please it, and even have a personality, talking to the user.

Does it come with a mute button?

Nick and Josh dumb down the smart doll by decreasing its vocabulary significantly. All she really needs to know is a handful of phrases, handpicked by us. That would cut costs and therefore, increase sales.

Last night and tonight mark the brightest Supermoon for the next 20 years. Nick figures that he better get a good look at it, because he won't make it to 65 years old.

Josh, being his best friend, figures that the only way that it'll happen is if they die an epic death... together. The kind of death fitting friends of their caliber. One where they are being pursued by Harvey Keitel, spend a night with Brad Pitt, and drive their classic convertible off of a cliff.

And yes, they will be dressed as women...

Nick and Ali are not strangers to getting frisky at a movie theater.

And no, we don't mean with each other.

Nick had one experience at a screening of Child's Play 2 where a horny couple behind him and his friends, could not keep their hands off of each other. Or out of each other...

This past weekend, Josh and some of his friends saw a cool drone in his neighborhood. When pressed as to who these friends were, Josh admitted that one was a coworker, and the other was the coworker's friend.

Despite that, Josh still says that he considers them friends. In fact, anyone who goes to Josh's house to work on anything; expect to be Josh's friend.

Who pays you.

To be at his house.

And do various household things.

Back when he was a young lad, Nick and a few friends of his had a kick-ass fort that they used for engaging in unprotected sex and smoking illicit drugs inside of.

It was a pretty sweet deal, with (stolen) power, a (probably stolen) TV, and a radio. One time, a friend pulled one over on ol' Radio Jesus, by pranking him Ferris Bueller-Style.

Finally, we have reached the end of this political process, and by this time tomorrow, we'll have a new President, and the nation will have new governors, senators, and congressmen.

You may have noticed over the past few months, that we don't really talk politics. We hate it. It's polarizing, annoying, and honestly, who gives a crap what we think about anything other than queefs and farts.

Today, Nick showed exactly how much he hates talking politics. He'll do anything else if given the option. And we mean ANYTHING

This year has already set a high bar for the number of ejections in the NFL. Nick asked Randy, if he's ever been tossed from a game. Randy claimed that in all his years of playing and coaching sports, he's ever gotten the boot.

Nick found that to be very surprising, since they both 'run a little hot' and are more alike than Nick and his twin brother.

As we do every Friday, we did our football picks and Deep Thinking with Jesse the Body. One clip caused Randy to almost walk away from the microphone and Ali to destroy many lamps and printers with her... ummmm... lady parts.

Whoever came up with the idea of the headbutt apparently didn't understand the consequences of slamming your head into someone else's cranium. It hurts not only the headbuttee, but also the headbutter. That is why it is looked down upon in the fighting world. Nick used the maneuver only once.

On his ex-wife. In bed. By accident.

For a while now, Nick has had a bit where he claims to have something against the people of Finland and Sweden.

Two people well represented in the state of Minnesota. Today, Ali hitched her train to that same thinking. And when asked why, she came up with a long, complicated reasoning that kind of made no sense. Norway and Denmark? You're next on the list!

The music scene in the 90's was an interesting thing. There was a thick mixture of pop, rap, rock, and country, all living in harmony. No one really hassled you for liking one of the one hit wonders of the month, because everyone was listening to it. Even if you didn't want to. Nick had an experience like that at St. Could State. All he wanted to do was meet some of the hot college coeds walking by. All his brother wanted to do, was blast some Blind Melon out his window... And honestly, who was going to stop him?

A new survey shows that 13% of people who believe that they live in a haunted house, sell that house because of it. And, by the stories Josh tells about the strange noises in his home, he might be putting it on the market soon.

Pornhub is releasing the sex tape that Kim Kardashian made with Ray Jay in virtual reality.

What a future we live in, huh?

While not impressed with her career, or choice in boyfriends, or overall attitude, there is one thing about Kim that Nick admires. Her exquisite use of dirty talk in the bedroom, specifically her use of the word "Baby." And when a few jokes start being told about people using 'baby' in our lives, we figure something out. We have to start laughing at our own jokes.

If you've ever been flat broke, you know the feeling of wanting something simple; like a burger from a fast food chain, and not having the dough to make it happen.

In their youth, Nick and Josh knew feeling all too well. Sometimes, finding loose change in a pay phone, arcade machine, and the cushions of the couch made a them a meal. Sometimes, Nick would go a step further... To theft.

They say that honesty is the best policy. Nick's policy is that when it comes to being in a strong relationship, you need to be open with each other. When you're looking to just get a night of fun? Lie, lie, lie.

Nick's last few relationships have blown up for that very reason. They were not open about their past, their past relationships, or their desire to pass gas. Which made Josh think that it might be pretty hard to be the lady on Nick's arm, because any little thing (like ketchup) can end it all in an instant.

Despite its reputation as a sex-finding app, Tinder has actually created a handful of real life, deep connections. Long-term relationships, and even a few marriages have risen from the infamous app.

But, in Nick's eyes, it's making it WAY too easy to get laid these days. Especially compared to the obstacle course of pain it used to take just to hook up with one chick in the bar.

On a list of professions that have the most affairs, bartenders fell at #7 on the list. Nick and Josh can see how that happens, but Nick's warning to all you guys rushing to bartender school, is this... The girls that bartenders take home, are not always the cream of the crop.

But that won't stop them from showing off their conquests.

There's a study that discovered the favorite #Halloween candies for every state. Minnesota was the 100 Grand bar, Wisconsin loves Laffy Taffy, and Iowa is all about Twix. But, apparently, the Candy Corn won over multiple states as their favorite.

What the hell?

Nick and Ross agree that Candy Corn is crap, while Ali LOVES it, and Josh doesn't mind it.

And, from the looks of the texts, the Brotherhood is on Ross and Nick's side.

We had a story in the Stupid News about a guy who had to amputate his penis after getting it stuck in a pop bottle.

Gross, but hey, when you’re desperate to get off, nearly anything will help.

This type of activity concerns Nick, as he thinks it’s that kind of thinking that’s going hurt, or maybe ever kill Ali someday.

Today, in a discussion about acts in the bedroom that may have gone too far, we received a text that we were forced to immediately destroy. We did not read it on the air, or even show to Ali. The consequences, if the act committed was to ever be made public, would be disastrous. Countries would fall, fire would rain from the skies, dogs and cats living together... MASS HYSTERIA!!

We're not going to tell you. Feel free to guess. But...you're going to be wrong. Be happy for that.

Josh was telling Nick that he has a friend who's just like him, if they've got to Poop. THEY'VE GOT TO POOP!! After hearing this news Nick was reminded of the time they traveled to the distant and foreign land of Tortorla...In the British Virgin Islands. While they were on a tour of the Island, Nick had to go and go NOW! It was at that time Nick stopped the tour bus and ran to a hut to find a bathroom. Good thing Nick's bilingual and can speak English becasue he asked the owner to use the bathroom in their native tongue. Let me remind you agian, THEY WERE IN THE BRITISH VIRGIN ISLANDS

Sometimes it's amazing how video entertainment has evolved over the past 30+ years. Each new innovation, whether it be VHS, Laser Disc, DVD, HD-DVD, or Blu Ray has almost been instantly replaced by something better.

For those of you who don't even know what those first one is, this clip will be an education. Renting tapes, having to rewind them (or face a fine,) and even renting VCRs was commonplace, especially among those without cable like Josh and Nick.

Those were hard times...

At some point in our lives, almost all us will need braces on our teeth. Ali's time with railroad tracks in her mouth fell at the perfect time in her life... High School.

Our only regret is that we never had a chance to meet her during this time, if only to make fun of her. But Nick, through the power of acting, takes us there... To a time of Brace-Faced Ali.

After someone stole a ceremonial shovel from the groundbreaking at the #MinnesotaVikings new practice facility, someone thought it might have been superfan and VWO member Viking Dave. That's when we reminisced about the groundbreaking for US Bank Stadium and Viking Dave screaming/asking "When's the first game at the new stadium? YEAH!!" That type of scream just like the ones heard on the old MTV show Total Request Live, is completely unnecessary. Which is why we're sure were going to hear it every possible chance for the next several weeks.

If you've ever been behind the wheel, and felt a bit horny, we do not recommend 'taking care of yourself' behind the wheel.

But that's not to say that it doesn't happen.

In fact, among the five of us on the morning show, two have felt the need to polish the knob while behind the wheel... Nick and Ross.

Josh, never having participated in such an act seemed to have a lot of logistical questions. More than we'd would expect. Maybe a "Carjacking" is 'coming' soon in his future?

In this job, no matter how much they may underpay you, dismiss you, or take you for granted, there are a few perks. We get to meet celebrities, partake in once-in-a-lifetime experiences, and go on some pretty fun trips.

Today our our own board op/producer got to experience one of those perks firsthand... Well, technically it's two of those perks...

A few weeks ago, Coco from Rick's Cabaret got a new set of boobs. And, while she was in this morning, wanted someone to feel them. Wappel was more than willing to... Lend a hand or two??

The Blue Jays fan who threw a beer at an Orioles outfielder has been identified. Police released a photo of the man and Nick knows the facial expression all too well...

It's the same face that he gave after throwing a beer at a fan 25 years ago at a North Stars game. And some other poor sucker paid the price.

ZachParise talks about rivalries between players, his twins, #KyleRudolph's new twins, #TeamUSA hockey, vintage #NorthStars shirts and more!

A few months back we played a song that one of Ali's ex-boyfriends wrote about her called "How to Burn Bridges." And while it was written specifically about her after their break-up, she couldn't remember the title or how it went...Suuuuuure.

It was a few years ago, when she was living in California and had been dating the guy for two years. And, according to Nick, a relationship that long should involve a very specific bedroom act... Much to his disappointment, it did not.

(Incidentally, this is the same boyfriend who stopped mid-coitus with Ali after she uttered "Tear me up" to him... So he's an even bigger loser than we thought.)

One of the sharpest bands operating in the punk realm at the moment is Joyce Manor, a SoCal outfit that specializes in succinct songs that delve insightfully into the minutia of daily life.

But as Steve learned when he talked to the band's singer/songwriter Barry Johnson, Joyce Manor's influence extend far beyond punk. Johnson is actually a huge fan of Guided By Voices and Oasis, two of Steve's favorites. So, both guys spent a lot of time geeking out in this episode.

A long time ago... In a city far, far away, called Moorhead, MN, a young Josh dabbled in something that many college hippies try out. Not LSD or wee, or even pre-marital sex...We're talking about vegetarianism.

For two years, Josh lived the life of a veg-head, and even a vegan for a short time, before finally coming to his senses, and returning to the world of meat. If he ever does it again, Nick's gonna kill him.

After waiting 2 weeks, we finally got Koo Koo Kanga Roo in-studio to play for Nick's belated birthday. It was one of the best in-studio band performances that we'd ever had and here's one of their new songs performed in the 93X Studios...Pancakes For Dinner! #EverybodyPoops

Ali Thinks That "Dirty Dancing" is a Dirty Movie

As it turns out, Josh has never watched an #AlfredHitchcock movie, mostly likely because when he was younger, his parents would not allow it.

Those kinds of films are just too scary and inappropriate for young minds... Just like the A-Team.

Or, according to Ali, just like Dirty Dancing??

Halloween is just around the corner, so if you want a cool costume you had better hurry into your closest pop-up Halloween store to grab a good costume before they're gone.

Josh's wife made that mistake a few years ago, getting their toddler a Robin costume... Not Robin Hood Robin, but Batman and Robin Robin.

What was she thinking?? Apparently, she was thinking the same thing as Ali... That there is nothing wrong with The Boy Wonder, and that he's on the same plane as the Caped Crusader. Oh, how wrong they are. In every great duo, there is one that actually is great, and another that just plain sucks; i.e. Simon and Garfunkel, Mario and Luigi, Ike and Tina...

We make it our mission to make Ali see that.

With all the action happening during an orgy, I'm kind of surprised you don't hear about more fights or just plain accidents happening when too many penises get together with too many vaginas at once.

Today, in the stupid news, we heard about a Florida couple's fight about an orgy, and Nick's personal experience with "The Beast with a Billion Backs," where he slipped, lost his footing, and landed on top of another naked dude.

You have to watch your step at those kind of things...

Back in his youth, new Vikings quarterback Sam Bradford was quite the hockey player in Oklahoma. One of his coaches thought he could have made it to the NHL. But, alas, he's just a starting quarterback in the NFL...Shucks.

He was inspired to get into hockey thanks to the 1992 movie "The Mighty Ducks." And as he made clear, that movie is not on Nick's must-see list.

Ali read a story about a robbery victim getting revenge on his mugger by running him down with his car. That car's driver isn't going to be charged with the vehicular assault and it surprised Ali that they police are just going to let the mugging victim "run a train" on his thief like that.

What? That's not what that means? What does it mean then?? Oh. My. God.

Working from home can be a tough gig. Take Randy Shaver, for example. On a Thursday, he can just roll out of bed, still in his boxers, at 7:38, and still be on the air at 7:40.

Today was not one of those days. With the clock reading 7:45 and no Randy on the air, we had to call him to wake his ass up. The wake up call was appreciated...except that it was Ross on the other end.

Ali used to live in a pretty shady neighborhood. She had her car broken into and had some shady dudes selling pot on her street.

And that was the last time Ali called the cops. Nick didn't like that she's the nosy neighbor in her area. But, asking her and Josh, everyone in every neighborhood knows way too much about each other.

Some people will do almost anything to save a few bucks. Everything from buying a five-gallon bucket of oatmeal, to extreme couponing, to driving an extreme distance to save $100 on a car, people go to great lengths to protect their wallet.

How far have you gone to save some money? Nick knew a guy who drove to Maryland for a lawn mower...

The real-life Jesse Ventura has a little something to say about the whole Colin Kaepernick thing...

Nick doesn't really care much about that, other than thinking that it's the worst Deep Thinking ever. But Nick's alter-ego, "The Body," did have a little something to say... And sing about the matter.

Randy asked Nick if he wanted to trade responsibilities for the night, and that's something we all would love to see; Randy at a strip club for three hours. What could go wrong??

Just when you think you know somebody... You hear a story like this, one you had never heard before, and it starts to change your whole perspective of them.

Back when Ali was working for a record company in California, she went to the Craig Ferguson show, working for an artist who was going to perform. She and her bosses had some time to kill, so they went wandering from set to set on the CBS Television lot... That's when they stumbled upon an empty Price is Right set.

She was going to steal a Plinko chip...

If you are out at the bar and buy a hot piece a drink, what do you expect to happen? A smile? A phone number? A little small talk? Breakfast in bed?

In reality, it means you get nothing in return, but so many people expect so much more. Ali is quick to tell you that she doesn't need your drink. She doesn't need your money. She can buy it for herself..

Who doesn't like candy? No one! Hell, there are several songs that concern the topic of sweet treats. Nick recently got into a discussion at the Legion asking people what their favorite candy was, and extended that topic to us on the show. And none of them are what you would think of...

Like many small children, Josh's young son has a borderline unhealthy obsession with poop and farts. In fact, two of his favorite places are the State Fair, where you can see all sorts of poop, and Home Depot...

Oops, sorry. "Fart Land!"

Nick was not amused.

We all know that kids are prone to injury. A lot of falls, cuts, scrapes, and even the occasional broken bone can make a kid's childhood memorable. Ali's is exceptionally memorable because, in her words, she broke her arm "a lot."

How much is "a lot?" Five or six times. We knew she's clumsy, but come on... Nick and Josh do their best to dive a little deeper into Ali's apparent lack of calcium in her diet.

A Texas A&M football player rest his own dislocated knee on the field this weekend.

It was disgusting.

And Randy, who hates seeing this sort of thing (but not as much as seeing someone eat their own booger,) was disgusted by it.

So naturally, Nick tried to gross him out more by sharing a story of a friend who reset his own broken arm. We almost lost Randy to that one.

Last night was a big night for sports in the Metro. The Vikings, Twins, Saints, and the Gophers ALL played at home, and they ALL won!

The only losers were anyone who was in the traffic mess before and after the games.

Ali was at the Gophers win over Oregon State, home of the Beavers. She, and her childish sense of humor, thought it funny was seeing all the Beaver fans with "Beaver" on their shirts.

Of course Nick had a story about something just like that.

A couple of Instagramming hotties, who were taking a cruise around the world, were busted in Australia with more than 275lbs of cocaine in their luggage. Normally, this kind of drug bust wouldn't be a story that goes viral... That's because the coke wasn't the only bust involved.

They are stacked, tan, and hot.

Here, Nick and Josh break it down why their story is news, why they will probably get off (don't get cute with that,) and how two fatties from central Minnesota wouldn't stand a chance in the same situation.

They say that two things are always sure things; Death and taxes. And since everyone has to check out as some point, we were pretty sure that we all have something we'd leave behind that we hope that no one ever finds.

So before your parents are forced to dig through your pile of German porn, your collection of pubic hair trimmings, or your internet history, make a plan. Make a pact with a close friend, whom you can trust. You're post-life reputation may depend on it.

A guy tried to beat a drug test by substituting the urine in his drug test with warm Mountain Dew from his car.

Needless to say, it did not work out well for him. If it was Josh trying to cheat the system, no one would have noticed, since he pees the Dew all the time... Nick pisses excellence, while a guy he used to work with cheated the system in a different, and slightly more disgusting fashion.

After a Texas Ranger Pitcher was arrested for DUI, and peed his pants, we share our experiences of drunk people peeing their pants, including a girl in Nick's 'college' days who peed her miniskirt in the middle of the dance floor.

Normally, that's where Nick would pounce, but that's not quite what he's into.

How does something like this go unnoticed when it's time to Photoshop the photos? Maybe we just have dirtier minds than most. http://ow.ly/3H9I303td77

Tomorrow night, in front of more than 50,000 ravenous #Metallica fans, our very own Ali has the distinct honor of introducing the band.

It's ether going to be perfect or a complete sh*t-show. Either way, it's guaranteed to be a good time. To prepare her for her time on stage at the show, Josh ad Nick asked her to warm up by giving some examples of what could happen on stage. Then they and the Brotherhood gave her some advice on how to handle things, if everything blows up in her face.

Amy Lee of Evanescence is releasing a new children's album. One of the songs is the Sesame Street classic, "Rubber Ducky."

Nick asked which song was better, "Rubber Ducky" or Kermit the Frog's "Rainbow Connection." While Josh and Nick sided with Kermit, Ali felt as if Bert and Ernie's song was better, and more heartfelt. But there's a problem, Bert wasn't in that bathtub with his roommate... Or was he?

In the Stupid News we had a story about a 71-year-old woman who had married an 18-year-old guy. The two are reportedly 'in love."

How disgustingly sweet...

We started to run through a list of celebrities who were around that age, and whether we 'would' or not. And, while Josh and Nick were very accepting of women like Helen Mirren, Anne Margaret, Goldie Hawn, and Suzanne Somers, Ali was little more picky with the crop of male Septuagenarian celebrities.

When you're in a long-term relationship, people have a tendency to get a little antsy if you settle into a nice routine. Most guys prefer doing the same stuff, going the same places, and watching the same shows with their girlfriend/wife/side-action.

Women are a different story. It always has be new and fresh and different. You can give them the world, and they'll complain that they didn't get the moon too.

When you're an underage drinker (and we don't condone that type of activity... at least not publicly,) you use whatever you can for booze and even a mixer. When Nick was younger, he and his buddies would always "relieve" the local gas station of the cases of pop that they had just sitting outside with the water softener salt and the propane tanks.

Times were tough, having to choke down a Brandy/Orange Crush. Or a Peppermint Schnapps/Orange Crush. Or a Tequila/Orange Crush...

We all know that Nick and Josh would make terrible police officers. But after thinking about a little further, Nick realized that it might be his dream job.

He will be... ABOVE THE LAW!!

Ali is going to Metallica with her friend's boyfriend. Just let that sink in. Through a series of questions she tried to convince us that she does not find him attractive, despite that she does think he's an attractive guy. Just not her type. Which, it turns out, describes him to a T.

So long story short, Ali is probably going to nail her friend's boyfriend.

And once she does, she will be in good company. There was a time or two for Josh, and many, MANY times for Nick, where they fooled around with a friend's girlfriend/wife. And the results were not always bad.

Last night, Nick went to see #Journey and The #DoobieBrothers rock the roof off of the Xcel Center. When Josh started playing #DontStopBelievin" in the background, Ali mentioned that that song made her think of all the late nights at bar close.

Josh and Nick were not familiar with that tradition. For them, the song to play at closing time, was... " #ClosingTime," by the local band #Semisonic.

Nick and Josh HATE that song... And they don't care that the singer writes for Adele now, or that they are from Minnesota.

Service Electrician Jesus had the bright idea of using a shock-collar to train the five of us out of our bad habits. For Nick, it was moving his microphone; Ross, it was sneezing; Wappel it was stumbling.

It spurred a conversation about being shocked, both on purpose and by accident. Nick and Wappel had some fun with their buddies, drinking and shocking each other on purpose. Ali had fun with the electric fence, while Josh got zapped totally by accident while doing some at-home electrical work, and Ross got electroshock treatment while in the psych ward.

Share your shocking stories too!

Today we quizzed Ali, our show's only female, about a part of her anatomy, just to see how much she knows about her own boobs.

We threw some real facts at her, and some that we had made up. And it turns out, she knows a little bit less than I think she would have hoped to. Tomorrow, she has the chance to stump Josh and Nick, to see how much they know about their penises.

So tune in for that!!

The Minnesota State Fair is just around the corner, and if you ever listen to Randy Shaver talk about The Great Minnesota Get Together, then you know it's not his favorite time of the year. Actually, it might be he LEAST favorite time of the year.

But don't let that dissuade you from saying "hello" to him if you bump into him on the grounds. Give him a "Brotherhood," or an "Assman," or even a "Hog Donk." I'm sure he will appreciate it.

That is, if you can recognize him beneath his intricate disguise.

It's been two long years since The Fappening of 2014 happened, and its effects are still being felt today.

We had a story in the sports about Team USA's women's soccer goalkeeper, Hope Solo. And, naturally, the next step in the story was to bring up her involvement in the massive photo leak. Of all the celebrities involved, Hope may not have been the most famous, or even the best looking. What what she did bring to the table was the sheer dirtiness of her photos.

Ross was quick to find them (of course,) and while Josh seemed almost disgusted by her fascination with her own butthole, Nick was trying his best to enjoy it.

If Ross would only SHUT UP!!

Back in the day, before streaming, on-demand, and even DVDs, we had to deal with the villain known as the video rental store. We rented VHS tapes for as little as one day, for more than $4.00 each. Oh, the humanity.

If you went beyond your allotted days of rental, some pimply-faced teenager who worked there would hound you daily, until you finally returned the movie or video game back to the store.

One of these video games that Nick rented was Little League Baseball for the NES. He was so enthralled with the game and its stunning graphics, that he kept that game at home for almost a year. Finally, when the store was going to call the cops, and charge him hundreds of dollars in late fees, he took the game back.

But first, he devised a plan so devious, that it HAD to work.

This Friday is our "For Whom the Bar Crawls" promotion where Nick and Ali are going to take a party bus, full of listeners on a bar crawl, giving away Metallica tickets the entire time.

Nick is just hoping that at least one of the bars has a good Karaoke stage, so he and Ali can do some duets.

Nick figures that by the time it's done, he will have turned it into a Kenny Rogers party.

Men will never understand women's clothing...Ever.

Most guys have a hard enough time figuring out a bra, or garters, or spanx. But, why in a million years would a woman purposely wear an adult 'onesie?' A jumper that she would have to take off completely just to go to the bathroom. If you want an answer to that conundrum, just ask Ali, who wore that very thing today.

And as soon as we found out about it, we were never going to let her forget it.

People are born with some stupid names these days. There are now more than a few kids in the world named "Espn," "Tyrion," and "Michonne" out there.

Typically the world of dumb child names was reserved to the quirkiest of celebrities. That's how we got a "Moon Unit Zappa," a girl named "Apple," and a future psycho named "North West." Hell, a listener called in, telling us that their friend named their kid "Cinnamon Candy Apple."

People are dumb.

Together we went through some of the more annoying names we have come across, and our pet peeves when it comes to naming a child... If there's a child in your future that you have to name, just remember K.I.S.S.

Keep it simple, stupid!

Back in the day, this company would make the morning show go out and do live broadcasts for no good reason.

For instance, did you know that we used to do a live broadcast from the dock before the 4th of July Booze Cruise?

One of these such broadcasts was in Mankato for the start of Vikings training camp. It was mostly uneventful, but there was one run-in with Randy Moss that will live in infamy... Never before has porn done so much for one morning show.

For every player who exits professional sports before they are ready, there is another player who has the label of the man who ended their career.

For Joe Theisman, it was Lawrence Taylor.

For Steve Young, it was Aeneas Williams.

For Kirby Puckett, some would say it was Dennis Martinez.

After the news that Corey Wooten, the man who ended Brett Favre's career retired, Nick revealed that has a lifelong dream of being a man who ends someone's career. And he gave some examples of a few pro athlete's, to whom he wishes he could have done exactly that.

Josh may think he hides it well, but he has plans for after radio. He knows he can't do it forever. Josh plans to dive into the world of the Confectionery Arts.

He's got his whole store planned out... It even has a theme. It will be called Game of Scones, a Game of Thrones-inspired bakery.

And when you eat at Game of Scones, you win... Or you die...

Everyone knows, that Ross likes to eat. Occasionally, if he's feeling a bit peckish, he'll make a run to the snack machines in the break room. Today, it was a bag of popcorn, two chocolate chip cookies, and a root beer.

Breakfast of champions, right?

This gave Josh and Nick a chance to tee off on Ross' eating habits, lack of physical activity, and overall appearance.

If you think this will stop him, then you obviously don't know Hodor.

Former NBA star Doug Christie's wife has got him by the balls... Literally. She performs 'ball checks' on him, where she examines his scrotal size and weight to determine if he has had an orgasm recently... And therefore was probably cheating on her...

PSYCHO!

She does admit there are flaws in her system, but maybe she should also learn to trust her husband who has provided EVERYTHING for her...

Monday, on the Half-Assed Morning Show, we will be talking the the star of Sharknado 4, Tara Reid. For many, many years, she has been high on Nick's hotness chart.

He says that during the interview on Monday he is 'going to have phone sex' with her. He's surely just all talk, but this made Ali a little jealous.

So Nick called her, live on the air, to cheer her up.

Two friends in England, who are also fans of rival soccer clubs, put aside their differences when one donated a kidney to the other, saving his life.

That brought up a few interesting ideas... First, is there a chance the man's new kidney will give him the urge to change allegiance? And would you give a kidney to a fan of your biggest rival team?

We leave that debate up to you...

NASA Astronaut Scott Kelly just returned from spending a whole year in space. Scientists are still studying the effect it had on his body.

But it got Josh thinking, if you were to spend an extended period of time in space, having any kind of sexual activity would be a complicated, and potentially messy process. We tried to answer the question of how it would and could be done.

After we talked about a drunk guy who fell asleep in hog barn in the Stupid News, we had a lengthy discussion about the strangest places we (and the Brotherhood) have slept, and/or woken up while drunk.

Of course, we had to pose the same question to Randy Shaver. And while he would normally skirt around a question like this, he dove right in, giving us a few answers we were surprised to hear...

Nick and Ross are considering starting their own business with Ross' money and Nick's star-power and good looks.

Josh may have come up with the greatest escape plan for anyone in a pinch with the police...

You're not really smuggling 4000lbs of weed. You're an undercover cop.

You're not really underage drinking at a party. You're an undercover cop.

You're not really looking for a hooker. You're an undercover cop.

It's genius really...

If you had all the money you ever wanted, what kinds of changes or additions would you make to your house?

Nick asked this to Josh... And, with Josh being Josh, he thought of something that his wife would enjoy as much as he would... An arts and crafts room.

Nick thought a little bit bigger, and dirtier, causing Josh to overcompensate for his Crafts Room shortcoming...

All season long, Nick and #MinnesotaTwins second baseman #BrianDozier have had a running bet... If the Twins can rattle off five or more wins in a row, then Nick will wear Brian's stinky socks on his head for a broadcast.

Socks that have not been washed since the Twins previous loss, as is Brian Dozier's superstition...

Although the club has come close, they have yet to reach the magic number. Today, Brian added a little fuel to the fire, upping the ante.

Ten games in a row. Dirty jockstrap. LET'S GO TWINS!!

Josh seems like a pretty relaxed dude... But inside, he's a wound up time-bomb waiting to pop.

Maybe it's all that Mountain Dew.

Josh's wife once offered him a remedy to his high-strung-ness, suggesting he tries some weed to help him to relax. Josh must have taken her up on it, because he has no recollection of her ever saying that out loud to him.

When a story came up in the Stupid News about a boat thief forgetting to untie the boat from the dock it was tied to, it reminded Nick of a similar story with his boat. It wasn't being stolen, but an over eager, troubleshooting deck hand, almost tossed Nick overboard, when he threw the throttle down with the boat still tied up.

Some of us get just as excited to see a Google car as we are to see the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Street view was a huger undertaking by the company and they are still at it, updating their maps every few years.

If you look hard enough, you can see some pretty interesting things on Street View, from nude sunbathers, to people shooting at each other, to the Google Car getting into a car accident.

One of Nick's buddies knew someone who bragged about the fact that he could be seen on Street View...

Sounds like something Ross would be proud of... Oh wait, he is.

With the Helping Hands Fundraiser almost a week old, we took a tally of what we have raised among the five of us.

Ross leads the way with $20, Wappel has donated $10, while Ali has amazingly donated $15.

Unsurprisingly, Nick and Josh have yet to pleasure themselves. But the way Josh tell it, yesterday he came close (don't get cute with that) before losing interest.

With Randy out of town, and taking today off, we brought in one of the newest members of the KARE11 sports team, Randy's son, Ryan to talk some sports with us.

Well, we were SUPPOSED to talk some sports with him, but instead we got a behind-the-scenes look into the world of the Shavers.

Namely, how much Randy 'enjoyed' being called "Assman" in public, and that time that Ryan's mom found condoms in his room...

When it comes to condiments, it is well known that Nick's belief is that ketchup does not belong anywhere near the list. And with how much he snacks at home, you would think that he'd be a big fan of all kinds of chip dips, like guacamole.

While he does enjoy chips and salsa, don't come near him with any guacamole. To him, it's the ketchup of chip dips.

Helping Hands starts in a couple days, and Ali thinks her masturbatory skills are being undervalued greatly.

During Josh's news, there was a story about a porn site that's giving a penny to charity every time someone whacks it. Now HAMS is having a charity during the month of July too, called Helping Hands.

Josh, Nick, & Ali talk about the viciousness of our of feline friends, and how they've dealt with mean cats in the past. Nick's encounter is bar far the most comical

Ali questions Josh's knowledge on women's fashion. Apparently, she was unaware of Josh's fashion show on E!..."Nail or Fail".

The important questions when it comes to food preparation: How do you turn on the cooking-machine & how do you microwave bacon?

When it comes to sex, some women have totally unrealistic expectations of what to get from their man. While some girls have the disillusion that their guy can go at it TWICE in a night, Ali is certifiably crazy for wanting sex 20 times a week.

TWENTY TIMES!

But when Josh says he could eat meatloaf 20 times a week, she thought THAT was crazy...

Nick had one friend drunk dial him just to show off that he knew Nick, from the "Hass Aff Morning Show."

After an epic episode of #GameofThrones last night, Josh and Randy talk about the massive fight scene, and how amazing (and insanely expensive) it was.

Nick wasn't impressed... After all, hadn't they seen #KarateKid II or #TeamAmerica: World Police??

Whenever the Brotherhood runs into Randy Shaver or Ali, they always ask them the exact same thing.. "How do you put up with Nick and Josh?"

It turns out that Nick and Josh get similar questions asked of them, about how they can put up with Ali and Randy.

While most of our on-air ribbing is just in good fun, It seems that there are two distinct factions out in the Brotherhood... Team RandAli and Team JoshNick.

Chose your side wisely...

A recent survey found out that "Beer Goggles" is a real thing...

Anyway, Ali has only fallen victim to her own beer goggles once, but WHAT A TIME IT WAS!!

Basically, she got drunk at a club, and took home a guy that bears a striking similarity to Danny DeVito. And remember, Ali's single again. So, if you're thinking that you have no shot, think again...

According to a story from the Stupid News, the days of guys have wild, stripper-filled bachelor parties are headed to the wayside. Josh and Nick reminisced about some old-school, at-home bachelor parties with strippers that they were lucky enough to be a part of.

It made them want to take up the job of the at-home-stripper bodyguard.

Keep the dream alive guys... You're still young.

Being on the radio has it perks. You have the ear of thousands of sexy members of the opposite sex. And now, with texting, they have a direct line back to us.

It makes for a dangerous, sexy situation.

Being a girl, Ali gets the brunt of the heat thrown her way... She can't keep track of how many listeners hit on her via text and Facebook. Same thing goes for Nick.

On the other hand, Ross and Josh can't keep track of the hunnies simply because there aren't any looking their way. Although, according to Nick, Josh has some admirers, but they are hitting a roadblock. A roadblock named Nick.

We announced the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show Booze Cruise this morning (Friday July 1, 6pm-9pm) and we took some time to reminisce about all the shenanigans that have gone down on past boat rides. Nothing to the caliber of the Vikings Bang Boat, but our parties weren't for kids either.

Nick recalled one story about not being able to use the bathroom on the boat, because it was otherwise... 'occupied.'

In case you missed it, we showed you the video of a Henry Sibley Junior baseball player fouling a ball into his nuts.

We talked about it EXTENSIVELY on Thursday with Randy Shaver in regards to how freaky the incident was and if the kid was wearing a cup or not.

The 10 minute conversation seemed to have no impact on Randy, because he brought the story up again today, as if we never mentioned it before. And when told about our previous conversations on the story... He had no recollection of it.

Randy's losing his damn mind...

The other day, rapper #SnoopDogg threw out the first pitch at a #SanDiegoPadres game. And, like other celebrity first-pitch-throwers, he did not do very well.

It brought up the story of when Randy Shaver threw out the first pitch at a town ball game in Brownton, Minnesota... Or as Randy called it, Brownsville. And it looks like the name of the city isn't the only thing Assman is a little fuzzy on. He also thinks that his pitch was impeccable, and did not short-hop the catcher...

After playing a series of on-air blow-ups by some news and sports reporters, we asked Randy if he had any experience with either he, or a coworker losing their temper in the newsroom.

And while he didn't have much to work with, we here at the radio station seem to have a never ending supply of dramatic, juvenile outbursts, that may not quite qualify as a meltdown... But they come close.

When Nick's high school buddy got his dream job as towel boy for the Kansas City Chiefs, he threw it all away after making a comment on the massive size of one of the players penises.

Nearly anyone who's anyone has peed the bed at some point in their life. But it takes a special kind to person to admit that it continued to happen well into their teen years.

Looking at you Josh.

Ali mentioned that she too, had her own bed-wetting problems as a child. But Nick's bed-wetting problem is a totally different beast all together.

We talked about a bodybuilder/correctional officer being kicked out of a gym for grunting too loud. That brought back memories for Nick of the one time he went to the gym.

Nick and Josh were telling stories about people in distress and helping them out. With Josh's luck, his story took a turn he never saw coming.

Nick and Josh recall guys in their schools who looked much older than everyone else in the grade. That brought back some memories from Nick's childhood when they would trick the delivery liquor store.

During Josh's News there was a story about an Italian Girl who dumped her boyfriend and he threw acid in her face. Josh asked Nick to imitate how the breakup happened and to our surprise, there were a lot of people we know involved.

A legislator in the Louisiana House of Representatives has put forward a bill limiting the age and weight of strippers within the state. He claimed that he was 'just kidding,' but he won't retract his statements.

And while there may be a market for heavier-set exotic dancers, a guy Nick 'overheard' at a club might be with the legislators on this one.

A story came up in the Stupid News about a guy (who lives in his mother's basement) passing counterfeit $100 bills at the strip club. And when looking at his mugshot, you get one of two distinct impressions.

On one hand, there's Ali, who thinks he looks like a player... And on the other, you have the ret of the civilized world, who think that he looks like the exact kind od douche that you would expect live in his mother's basement.

But hey, you decide.

Today we had a discussion over what would rather do as punishment for a crime, 80 hours of community service or one day in the local jail.

Most of us said we would take the jail, Shaver and Ali said they'd rather work it off.

Lt. Tiffani Nielsen was in-studio today, and since she has a unique perspective, we asked her too. She took the jail time, then gave us a rundown of what getting booked is like... if we'd known about the free baloney sandwich beforehand...

Today, we told a story in the Stupid News about a group of guys pranking their bachelor buddy at airport security. They put a dildo in his carry-on luggage.

It turns out Ali pulled a prank just like it a few years back. But there was only one thing that Josh and Nick were concerned with...

Where was the dildo the night before.

One of the biggest sports stories from the weekend was the brawl that broke out between the Texas Rangers and the Toronto Blue Jays on Sunday afternoon.

Here, they guys talk about the fight, and how Jose Bautista may have deserved a good punch to the face. He's just lucky that right hook missed his giant ears.

Even though they are in the middle of a God-awful losing streak, Twins second baseman Brian Dozier joined the show today to talk about his embarrassing parents and any superstitions he might have.

It turns out, that when the team starts a winning streak, Brian wears the same socks, without washing them, until the streak ends.

Needless to say, Brian has been doing a ton of laundry lately. But today, Nick made a bet with him. If the Twins can win five games in a row this season, Nick will wear those stinky socks on his head for an entire broadcast.

With apologies to my nasal cavities... GO TWINS!

Josh, like most any other parent, takes great joy in embarrassing his kids in front of their friends whenever possible. Nick used a similar tactic to embarrass a former intern of the very morning show. They shared their stories this morning, and it inspired us to have a text topic tomorrow.

What's the most embarrassing thing your parents ever did to you, or you have done to your kids? Tune in and text us tomorrow.

During a story about road rage, Nick told us about the worst road-rager he knows of... His brother. Josh and Ali both think highly of him, that he's a sweet, nice, family man. But by the stories that Nick tells, he may be hiding a monster.

It was revealed this morning that Ali played the trumpet in school, and still claims to be good at it. With Ross playing the sax, Wappel playing the trombone, Nick playing the drums, and Josh playing the guitar, we could start a band...

Unfortunately, we may have accidentally created a Ska band... We're sorry.

Wednesday, we'll welcome in Lakeville mayor Matt Little to judge our Petty Gripes Contest.

Listeners have sent us some disagreements that they think we should use. Not all of these will make the cut, but we have a good start.

With ESPN doing a E:60 special on the all-hair teams that have come from the Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament, Nick asked the rest of the panel about their history of hairstyles.

While Shaver and Ross's head cabbage hasn't changed too much, what Josh and Nick used to have on their head may catch you by surprise.

With today being Cinco de Mayo, tequila stories were a hot topic on this morning's show. Everyone has their own tequila story, and Josh is no different.

Many years ago, he and Nick were invited down to the Cuervo Nation, where they were forced to interact with douchebag radio hosts from across the country. On the final night, Cubby boiled over on one DJ from New York, who was hating on Minnesota, and claimed that if you wanted the "best in world" of anything, you had to go to the Big Apple. Josh put him in his place.

With Lt. Tiffani Neilsen out on a training assignment, we welcomed good ol' Eric Roeske back in studio for the first time in over a year.

He shared with us one of his more interesting arrests, when he was called to a wedding, and asked to chase down the drunk driver of a Jeep, which driven by the father-of-the-bride, on a golf course.

All while driving a golf cart.

And CUE THE BENNY HILL THEME!!

After a 100 year old woman set the world record for fastest 100m dash (in her age group,) she dropped down and did a handful of push-ups to show everyone that she wasn't even winded.

Nick asked Ross how many push-ups he could do, And when he came back with 20 to 25, he was challenged to prove it. He failed, setting the male gender back several decades.

A St. Louis Cardinals pitcher is being sued by a woman for giving him "non-threatening STDs."

And, much to Randy's chagrin, it got the group wondering and discussing what constitutes a "minor-league" STD. They broke it all down best they could...

When a large baseball player was stolen from a billboard in Kansas City, the guys had a discussion of what you would do with a 14-ft tall, 150-lb fake outfielder. When the most obvious answer came up, Josh killed the lights, lit a few candles, poured some wine, and turned on the Kenny G.

Today is NFL Draft day and The Half-Assed Morning Show doesn't care for it at all. To make things interesting they had a Mock Zombie Apocalypse Draft with Randy Shaver. They chose three people who had to be either a celebrity, an athlete or KARE 11 employee.

Nick found a black dude live-tweeting the Chicago Blackhawks- St.Louis Blues game 7 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Could he become a color commentator and bring the NHL into the Spotlight?

A study revealed how much people love their internet, by asking what they were more willing to give up... Internet Access for life, or another human life.

A majority of people said that they would let someone die rather than save them, if it meant losing the internet for life. And, a surprising amount of people would give up a cure for cancer in favor of the Web.

And while Nick won't give up the net to save a stranger, there are a number of impressive things that he WOULD give up, in order to save his fellow man.

Nick bumped into an old buddy of his from high school, who seems to have this whole 'marriage' thing figured out. He and his old lady live in totally separate houses about 20 minutes apart. They've been married for decades, have a couple of grown kids, and couldn't be happier... Or so says Nick.

Josh, Ali, and Shaver have a differing opinion on the awesomeness of this arrangement. Even going as far as to question if it still is a marriage or not anymore.

You be the judge.

Josh's old age is starting to get to him. He's realizing that there are other places in this country that he would like to see before he dies. Places like Ground Zero, the Washington Monument, and Mt. Rushmore. And while Nick says to just watch a documentary on them, Cubby is feeling the drive to explore this great land of ours. And while it's widely known that Mt. Rushmore is disappointing, opinions vary greatly on the 'grandness' of the Grand Canyon.

After wishing a listener's dog good luck getting fixed at the vet, the conversation turned to if the poor little guy would ever hump again. And while everyone on the show owns a dog, and offered their experiences, the jury is still out. But if little Otto does jump on someone's leg again, it looks like it probably won't be Josh's.

And that made Cubby a little self-conscious about the attractiveness of his leg.

While rattling through a list of things that turn women on the most, we found out that penis size was tied with height for second place. When Josh pressed Ali to what was HER preference when it came to penis size. Her response was maybe a little too optimistic, making Josh feel QUITE inadequate in that department.

Despite his outward demeanor, deep down, Cubby is a bad-boy. Unbelievable? Take a listen to this. He's a rebel... He's a renegade... He's a bad, bad, bad, bad Josh.

Back a few years ago, when Josh first met his new neighbor, John, Cubby felt so embarrassed by the dorky snowsuit that he was wearing, that he overcompensated. To impress the new neighbor, Josh lied to John, making himself look to be cooler than he actually was.

Ali went to Texas once. As Josh said, it seems like an American thing to do. She claimed that the only way she could tell she had passed into the Lone Star State was seeing bullet holes in the stop signs. The Brotherhood had a few other theories.

Back when Nick was in 8th Grade, in the shadow of the Cold War and just years removed from the Miracle on Ice, his hockey team was given a new player. His name was Sergei, and he was from Russia. A distant land, where all they did was grow the best hockey players in the world. But, after seeing him play, Nick and his team figured out why he wasn't STILL in Russia... They only keep the good ones behind the Iron Curtain.

If you were not aware, Ali has a new-ish boyfriend. His birthday was the other day. And, while the things she did and gave him were very nice, one very obvious gift was missing... Sex.

Then, to top it off, Josh and the Brotherhood started poking holes in her story... And possibly in her relationship...

Ali told a story in the Stupid News about a guy masturbating on a bus for several HOURS. Josh was quick to point out how that totally defeats the purpose of self-manipulation, even going as far as to issue an open challenge to anyone who thinks that they can whack off faster than he can.

Typically, after a trip to a kid-centric arena show (Disney on Ice, Sesame Street Live, etc) most parents like Josh, contemplate leaving their children behind forever. This past weekend's Marvel Universe Live at Target Center made a new man out of Cubby. It was more fun than he ever thought family entertainment could be. Meanwhile, one of Nick's buddies found a loophole to get out of some of the less entertaining shows. After 20 minutes, you just tell the kid that it's over, and go home.

Genius.

After a very rousing game of Orgasm or Injury we asked Ali if she had ever encountered any 'loud orgasming' guys in her travels. And while she hadn't, Josh expressed his displeasure for guys (or girls) making over the top sounds in bed. This, coming from a guy who doesn't take off his t-shirt when he has sex.

We got to talking about The Shining, and as Nick regaled us with some of the more famous moments and scenes, Josh revealed that he had never seen it. And when it turned out that he didn't know who Scatman Crothers was, s*** really hit the fan.

Everyone knows that men and women think very differently. When Josh's wife asked him how his day went, he shrugged and gave a "meh" in response. What Josh meant and what his wife 'heard' were two completely different statements... Nick knew what Josh meant. Ali, not so much...

Ali didn't fall for this one, but Wappel was definitely willing & eager

It's opening day across the big leagues today, and hopes are high for the he newest Twin, Korean Byung-ho Park. The Bunger, as Nick likes to call him, is settling in and planting some roots in the community. Byungholio (another nickname,) is even buying a house in the area. Through his deep web of contacts, Nick has a strong lead on where Park is going to live. And if it's right, we're all in trouble, because his new neighbor is a complete a-hole.

Here at the station, we're required to get a yearly physical for our health insurance coverage. The deadline to see the doctor was yesterday. And in true Brotherhood fashion, Nick waited until the very last minute to go. His experience there left him a little confused, because it turned out his exam wasn't anything like Josh or Ali's.

Nick sneezed, bringing up the discussion of how scary and painful they can be. Ali just doesn't get it. Girls have different sneezes than guys, as was evidenced when they compared the cute, little sneeze of Ciara (from our Family Feud game) to the man-ape that is Ra-Ra-Ra.

After a Toronto Raptors fan was caught on TV digging for gold in his nose, Josh shares a moment where he was caught picking boogers by a gang of teenagers. Nick shares a similar story, of when he was caught making an absolute mess of himself in the Senior Lounge in high school.

While Nick and Josh both may not be weightlifters or into fitness at all, they do have experience with power lifters. Josh went to a competition and didn't know what the garbage can was for (Hint: It's not garbage.) And while Nick's brother competes in the sport, Nick thinks it might be the death of him.

Today, in the Stupid News, we talked about a street sign that is being stolen in California all the time. Ali brought up seeing "Ali Lane" in Chanhassen that she'd like to take. What did Nick and Josh do? Described Ali Lane to the Brotherhood

Yesterday, as we do every other Thursday, we talked to Minnesota Wild winger Zach Parise about the end of the season and played a little of our movie audio game with him too. At the end of the interview, he asked us for some luck for that night's game. We gave him a "Kangaroo Panties" and wishes for a Zach-Trick. What happened that night, will forever be the stuff of Brotherhood Legend.

There comes a special point in every relationship where you finally feel comfortable enough in front of your significant other to let them know you defecate.That point, for one of Ali's boyfriends was way too soon... And he forgot to do one pivotal thing... Flush.

Say what you will about people who own lifted trucks... Deep down, you know that cool truck is still a cool truck. And while the sexual compensations jokes are still funny, Josh and Nick came out today as big fans of the the over-accessorized, lifted pick-up truck.

For the first time in a looooong time, Chris Kluwe (AKA Chris Warcraft) talked to the guys. And also for the first time in a long time, it wasn't concerning anything controvertial. Chris will be competing in the newest season of American Ninja Warrior, and the guys were wondering if he had anything special planned for his trip to Mt. Midoriyama.

When you're forced to move back with your parents as an adult, you have to be prepared to see a few things that maybe you are not quite prepared for. Seeing your dad in his underwear, your mom in the shower, or finding a stray dildo in the attic. If you ever needed motivation to no move back home with your parents, here you go.

Don Jamieson is a respected comedian and metal aficionado. As the co-host of "That Metal Show" for 14 seasons, he and Jim Florentine taped more than 120 episodes, meeting virtually everyone in the business.

Not to mention, as we found out today, he even won an Emmy Award for his time on "Inside the NFL." And one thing's or sure, that little guy helps when trying to close the deal with the ladies...

Lars Ulrich addresses the "Ian-McKellen-Attended-Lar-Ulrich's-Bachelor-Party" misunderstanding #Metallica

Everyone knows the hurt that comes with losing a pet. Nick hasn't gone through that in a very long time. And even though his dog, Ozzie, is insanely old, he has shown no signs of going to that big dog park in they sky anytime soon. So now, it's a question of who checks out first; Nick, or his dog.

From what she told us this morning, if you receive anything from Ali, there is a high likelihood that it was inside her bra at one point... So cherish it.

You might take going to the bathroom on the job for granted. There are some people who don't have the luxury. Assembly line workers, window washers, and high antenna workers all have to get pretty creative when nature calls to them. Look out below!

With the Vikings petitioning the City of Minneapolis to rename a section of Chicago Ave to "Vikings Way," a member of The Brotherhood texted in to see if Nick would be okay if the street outside the station was renamed "Ross Ave."

He seemed strangely okay with it.

Nick HATES it when the Wild go on a power play, not because he thinks the team can't score, but because whenever they do, the sound guy cranks up the techno song "Sandstorm" in the X.

When Josh's step kids point out that Josh IS Will Ferrell's character in "Daddy's Home," Nick points out more similarities between he and Josh, compared Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg's characters in "The Other Guys." The similarities are uncanny!

Congratulations to former St. Paul Mayor and US Senator Norm Coleman on beating cancer! Way to go Norm!

When we heard the news about it today, it reminded Nick of that time Norm wandered into the 93X suite at a Wild game, and wandered out with a stolen hot dog.

Nick and Josh share their experiences with water sex.

Ross has a lame claim to fame, and the fact that he won't let it go, infuriates Nick.

Josh and Nick both had uncles on the St. Paul police force. And as luck would have it, they went out on a call together... A very memorable call...

Chris Jones, Defensive Lineman from Mississippi State, was running the 40-yard dash when his penis fell out of his shorts. Nick, Josh, Ali and Randy Shaver think that he got a head start.

It wouldn't be the Half-Assed Morning Show if Nick, Josh, and Ali didn't talk about poop! This time they're talking about Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Nick tells a story about his buddy in the past having a very close encounter

With the NFL Scouting Combine going on, they've released hand sizes of former and current Quarterbacks. This morning, the Half-Assed Morning Show decided to do the same. Sorry ladies, Randy Shaver didn't have a ruler or a junk drawer

Zach should have worn a balaklava during the Stadium Series game

Nick shares a story of when the North Stars were in game 3 of the 91' playoffs. His his buddy threw a burger on the ice after the North Stars scored their first goal.

Josh tells some adorable stories about his son that makes even Nick want to be a father... Or maybe not so much...

Nick Josh and Shaver share their experiences with the unbearable horribleness that is Protein Powder farts. Apparently, sometimes it pays to stay out-of-shape...

Nick's buddy had an unfortunate experience at a party, when he jumped into a conversation that he THOUGHT was about crabs...

It was not.

We brought back an old favorite today, but with a new twist. Queef or Fart mixed with Slayer and Megadeth guitar riffs made for a fun game. You can hear the whole game on the HAMS Podcast.

A teenage co-ed soccer player was banned from his league for the dumbest, and, at the same time, most hilarious of reasons...

In what was news to him, we tell Zach Parise that fans can buy a burger with his namesake at Wild games. He also shares with us what he would put on his burger... If he had known anything about it...

Although Nick and Josh share the love of messing with other drivers on the road, they go about it two totally different ways... And legalities...

Josh, Nick, and Ali have differing opinions on who do think about in the most intimate of moments... Your significant other, or someone hotter...

During a pun-filled librarian sex story, Nick was searching for the perfect joke. Amazingly, Wappel swoops in with, what might be he first good joke ever!

Nick takes issue with the punishment that the NHL handed down to Calgary Flames defenseman Dennis Wideman for checking a referee on purpose. Nick claims it was an accident... You decide.

With National Signing Day here for the college football world, Nick runs down the 2016 All-Name team... Seriously, the things people name their kids these days...

It turns out, that despite Nick's fancy smartphone, he doesn't use any apps. He doesn't have any apps. And, just like your 80-year-old great aunt Tessie, he just Googles everything... And I mean EVERYTHING.

We list off some traits that make up the psyche of a psychopath... And It looks like Nick fits the bill...

Ross and Wappel call their unsuspecting friends, serenading them with Creed... Or as some like to call it, Creedbombing.

The Brotherhood shares some interesting facts about their private parts...

That time when Nick's dad and brother almost throw down at 3am during a keg party.

Randy had never heard our "Extremely Long Orgasm Guy" sound before, so we have to take some time to explain it to him.

Nick reads some entries from Josh's very short-lived journal... Very boring, short-lived journal...

Back in the day, at Christ the King Elementary, the music at school dances were spun by none other than DJo$h...

Nick is intrigued by Josh's sex quirk. He doesn't get naked... He's "Porky-Piggin" it... (Shirt, No Pants.)

When a man tried to force his way into Josh's childhood home, his dad turned into all kinds of cool, by kicking the dude's ass.

When Josh and Nick went to Jamaica with radio dorks, they tempt fate with both a bus ride and Nick's bowel problems...

Josh, Nick, and Ali tell Randy about the time the building almost burned down, and the rest of the employees left them for dead.

Josh tells a story of the most embarrassing surprise birthday party he's ever had...

Nick goes off on the Wisconsin High School League over their new rules on cheering, and we come up with come politically correct chants that fans can use instead.

Josh talks about one of the highlights of life, a free punch at his friend's nads... With the help of the kid's mom.

Nick, Josh, and Ross share their stories of getting in embarrassing car crashes.

Ross was so excited to have the girls from Rick's Cabaret in-studio, that he wrote a whole lot of intro songs for them.

Josh describes his touchdown dance idea to Kyle Rudolph before this weekend's big play-off game.

Josh talks about all of the things that his late, Great Dane ate over the course of its life.

Nick and Josh talk about the first time they "got it to work," if you know what we mean...

Nick had a little bit of an accident over the New Years break...

Nick Josh and Ali discuss the intricacies of buying crack.

When hit with the trifecta of things he hates, Nick must make a "Sophie's Choice" between which is worse; Soccer, kids, or boogers.

One of the best moments from today's Pre-Newlywed Game, when the couples compare their hand-drawn vaginas.

Nick and Josh learn a little more about Ali's bathing habits... And they have a very important suggestion...

We explain what 'urgery' is to Zach Parise, introducing him to the Rossary of Terms

When a rookie from the Brooklyn Nets says his favorite Star Wars character is E.T, we realize that he may not be as stupid as we thought.

Randy wasn't invited to our company holiday party this past weekend... And it's all Ali's fault.

While at Rick's Cabaret, Nick and Josh bet Ali $200 to go kiss a random in the Toys for Tatas crowd.

Nick and Josh make a very strong argument that they are Ali's real fathers. Despite the fact that she actually does, have a father.

Josh shows off some of his very impressive impressions...

When it comes to their diet, Josh and Nick are so similar, yet so very different...

Josh describes his first experience around weed and Nick recalls his dad beating up Ali's dad at a strip club in Winnipeg.

While reminiscing about Gilbert Gottfried's stop into Toy's for Ta-Ta's last year, he reminds us of all the things he's willing to put up with... To help the children...

Josh's new rule when it comes to the world of marriage, monogamy, and ex-girlfriends... Retrosexuality.

After Kobe Bryant announced his retirement with a heartfelt poem to basketball, Nick reads a very heartfelt letter from Basketball to Kobe Bryant.

While Randy is currently (and probably permanently) friend-zoned by Ali, his sons are a completely different story...

Nick describes some of the strangest, most obscure rules in sports. Two of which he would like to enforce personally

The intricacies of our old boss being an old school radio overthinker.

Josh reminisces about seeing a dinosaur yawn out an alien

Border battle rages on. Minnesota & Green Bay fans take shots at each other on-air in preparation for the Vikings/Packers game this weekend.

Only Ross could find away of injuring his penis while grabbing a snack. Snacks. Two armfuls of snacks.

Ali reveals the hottest thing she's ever said during sex...and it actually backfired!

Nick accuses Ali and Josh's wife of "vagina-ing up" and forming a puss pact together. Vaginas of the world unite!

We've finally find the type of woman Nick would NOT SLEEP WITH. He now has standards!

Josh and Nick high-five over a certain aspect of divorce

Nick tells a story of finding himself naked, face to face, on top of another naked man...by accident.

His siblings never ask him to babysit anymore. Wise decision on their parts?

Nick pines for the one girl who wouldn't have sex with him. She still won't.

Nick, Josh and Shaver found out Ali will be shooting a gun for the first time ever this weekend... Nick and Josh aren't worried for her, they're worried for the people going with her.

A recent poll has Ali butt-hurt, so she lashes out at the Brotherhood

No one deserves to stick their hand in that...unknowingly...or at all.

It's true, and Ross will have conversations with her while she does it

XGirl competitor Missy can't seem to nail down who the singer is on these songs despite being a huge music fan.

Because...everyone should work with someone whose sneezes smell like lunch meat

Ali calls Ross a woman for his irrational behavior...if you read between the lines.

Nick Gets Set-Up and Pisses Off Kevin McHale In the Process

Rest in peace, coach #RIPFlipSaunders

Nick fondly recalls falling in love with Flip Saunders, and Shaver longs for the days when he was cool.

Randy Tells Kyle Rudolph his high school finger-in-the-helmet story.

Michael Cuddyer vs. Tom Brady: Who would you raise your kangaroo panty budget for?

It's a Poke, Ali! What's Not To Get? It's a POKE!

Ali can't seem to get a boyfriend. Might have something to do with admissions like THIS

Big Boss Scott pops into the studio to guilt the Morning Show after they called and hung up him - on Boss's Day...

The guys give Kyle a hard time for his 9th grade class photo which "happened to appear" on 93X's Twitter and Facebook accounts...

With Lamar Odom being found unconscious at the Bunny Ranch, Nick makes Ross an offer he can't (but likely, smartly, will) refuse.

The Bearded Villains raise the ire of Nick as Josh comes up with a solution on how to deal with beard enthusiasts

Josh & Nick shoot down Ali's Halloween costume idea as being lame, unfunny, and not cute. Swing and a miss.

Josh and Nick tell the story of Josh duping Nick into getting the "swab" test

Josh comes to the realization that he's got Kermit-sized hands, which leads to his own realization of his manhood

Why do they make Parise jerseys bigger than Small and Extra Small?

Nick tells the story of a "friend of his" who loves hookers, and Josh expresses a desire to work at a massage parlour

The winner of Win a Date With Ali stood her up! Now she's going out with Eric, the runner-up, and made a certain "post date" promise.

I don't my hate my job. I just hate my coworkers

A few weeks ago, we played the Family Feud with three very lovely ladies. One of them, the sexy 18-year-old Ciara, stole our hards, i mean hearts with one little phrase.

"Kangaroo Panties."

A few weeks ago, we played the Family Feud with three very lovely ladies. One of them, the sexy 18-year-old Ciara, stole our hards, i mean hearts with one little phrase.

"Kangaroo Panties."

Of course, Ross and Josh turned it into a song.

Ali asks Wild fans what they think of Wild prospect Lou Sanus

Wild Report with Zach Parise - 93X Half-Assed Morning Show > April 21, 2015