Carly's Couch: Recent Episodes
Carly's Couch
Carly’s Couch is a clinical psychology practice based in Cape Town, South Africa. We’re here to listen, and qualified to help.
Birth trauma can occur after baby is born. Nothing is quite as frightening as experiencing your newborn baby going into NICU but knowing the thresholds and protocols around this event will help. In this episode I unpack how I believe we need to educate ourselves in pregnancy for some of the more scary things that can go wrong. With the help of a doula you can be informed and empowered through this process.
In this episode I speak to the pandemic facing most families: the unequal division of labour in the home! Moms are carrying the mental load of parenting in disproportionate amounts. I look at the various factors that contribute to this reality and give some suggestions for how to navigate this and strive for a more equitable system.
Today's episode is a departure from the pregnancy and postpartum theme as I have an exciting announcement. I have just qualified as an integral coach! In this episode I discuss why I have chosen to become a coach, how coaching is different from therapy and what kinds of questions/problems you should bring to coaching.
Sleep training is not for everyone but for this sleep-deprived mom it was the key to surviving postpartum with her mental health intact. In this episode we talk about the need to center the mother's mental health as a necessary means to build secure attachment.
This is a follow up episode to the sleep training episode. I am 6 months down the line and this is what I have figured out about sleep and I offer my take so that you can feel empowered to make choices for you and your family that take into account everyone's needs.
What do you do when you feel anxious? In this episode I talk about how we need to not only manage the symptoms of anxiety, we need to understand what our anxiety is telling us and actually make structural changes to bring ease to our lives. In particular, I unpack why we are seeing such high rates of Postpartum Anxiety and what we should be doing about it.
Choosing to be a parent isn't for everyone. Today I unpack some of the things to consider when deciding whether to become a parent
This is a short episode where I discuss my experience of dealing with sibling rivalry and some advice for helping your children manage their big feelings around their siblings.
To sleep train or not to sleep train, that is the question? Meg and I unpack the thorny topic of infant sleep. Can babies learn to self soothe? Does this impact attachment to the caregiver? What should you do as a parent to help your baby sleep better so that everyone in the family benefits? Or should we accept to be sleep deprived throughout the period of infancy?
In this episode I reflect on what I have learnt through having a second baby that I wish I had known as a first time mom. I also share what others have offered as advice for first-time moms now that they have a second baby.
In this very short episode (that i've recorded as a video as well) I discuss socialising as a new mom. Extroverts or introverts, neurotypical or atypical - not everyone feels energized and comforted by mom groups. I unpack some of the reasons for this and how to choose who to keep in your orbit.
I have launched two new online products which are live on my website now! Listen to this episode to understand what motivated me to create these, who they're most suitable for and get a discount code to receive 10% off your first order. Happy shopping #onthecouchwithcarly
We are sold so many competing narratives about what makes a good mom. But really we just need to be seen. This role entails wading through much complexity and finding one's true north amidst a barrage of messages from the culture in a capitalist society can be near impossible. Your job is hard momma, and you're doing your best!
I briefly go into some of the tools we have at our disposal when we have a baby. I unpack the difference between help and support. And I share my experience of being in weekly therapy.
For many new parents, the newborn phase can be challenging because of how unpredictable and chaotic life can feel when you are learning your new baby. If you're looking for things to be 100% predictable and controllable then you might feel like you're failing when things don't go according to "plan".
In this episode I unpack this desire for predictability and how the process of coming to terms with this is the greatest early lesson of parenthood.
Breastfeeding (or chestfeeding) is hard AF. For most, it's a journey that does not come easy. We know it's good for our babies but it is a complex skill that needs to be learned, like learning a new dance, and there WILL be mis-steps along the way. When things don't go well it can feel like a personal failure and that is because of the way we are communicating about breastfeeding as a society.
In this episode I unpack all the reasons I understand breastfeeding to be hard and how we should be thinking about this journey or learning experience instead.
Beyond the bump. In my first episode since giving birth, I talk to the themes around birth and postpartum that seem most universal. In this episode I share quotes from Dee Marco who documented her first 40 days postpartum on Tiny Letter.
In this episode I speak to the psychological experience of being in the final stages of pregnancy. I also look at how people respond to you at this stage and how to navigate this.
I don't really believe in the whole "new year new me" concept but in this episode I do share how I have gained insights in two specific areas since being on maternity leave.
I discuss the enormous benefits of slowing down and resting and provide an update on my social media hiatus and how it has affected my mental health.
Support is the golden thread that runs through much of what we discuss in Oh Baby, WTF! If you missed our in-person workshop on the 10th you will soon be able to download the course online through my website, along with the couples coaching course Ready, Steady, Baby!
Support is something we need to think about and include in our birth plan but most importantly in our postpartum plan.
In this episode I talk about why support matters so much and what you can do to get the help and support you need.
In this episode I share my knowledge on doulas and doula support. I wrote my masters thesis on doula support so I have read countless studies that provide strong evidence for the use of doulas during birth. If you are thinking of getting a doula or not sure what that even is, this episode will hopefully help you understand why these women are so beneficial and should be part of every birth story!
I am about to go on maternity leave and have decided to challenge myself to go off social media to try and manage my addiction to my smartphone.
In this episode I speak about how social media has been a lifeline at times, especially since becoming a parent.
I acknowledge the benefits of finding community and connection online but am realising that I use these tools in ways that aren't so helpful as well.
Addictions are tools for "numbing" and this time around I want to find ways of being WITH my emotional distress: loneliness, isolation, boredom, anxiety rather than escaping these parts of myself.
I am curious to find out what I will be available to me when I am no longer spending hours on my phone. What will I discover? What will I learn? What can I access?
Let me know if you want to join me on this challenge!
I also need your help. I need you to keep sharing your love for this podcast. Please subscribe, rate and review this podcast or sign up to my newsletter on my website to stay up to date with these weekly podcasts.
Upcoming event
In this episode I discuss the reasons I'm offering this once-off antenatal workshop at Atlantic Children's Practice in the V&A Waterfront on 10 December 2022.
Oh baby, WTF! is a workshop that all expecting first time parents should attend. Unlike traditional antenatal courses, it REALLY prepares you for what it's like to bring home a new baby.
The focus is on the experience of becoming a parent so that you are prepared for the many ways that having a baby impacts on every sphere of your life including your identity, your relationship with your partner and your community, as well as your work/career.
You will also be provided with a toolkit for how to navigate those WTF moments with your mental health intact.
Our first guest this season is the incredible Dr Jess Standbridge. A specialist psychiatrist and advocate for mental health, Jess has recently become a mother. This experience informs the many insights she shares around maternal mental health and the transformative experience of becoming a mother. In this episode we hear about her own pregnancy and how she learned the most important lesson of all...how to surrender.
In this episode I start to unpack the various options available to us when we start to think about what kind of birth we want. We need to reckon with the medicalization of birth. There are choices available to us but sometimes we don't get the birth we want. Empowered is always best so I always encourage a sense of agency as well as trust in care providers.
Pregnancy is a time of adjustment. Like all adjustments, it's a process that involves resistance and surrender. In this episode I talk about how I surrendered to a part of the process this week that taught me again how to take care of my needs via communication of a boundary. I hope it inspires you to do the same.
Around 15% of pregnancies result in miscarriage. Loss is unfortunately a part of many people's fertility journey. In this episode I discuss the loss that occurs via abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death. What can we expect from the grieving process and what can we do to process these kinds of losses?
People get way too up in your business when you're pregnant. Here are a few things you should NEVER ask a pregnant person. I offer suggestions of things to ask / ways to ask that are not invasive and offer support and compassion instead. Also if you're pregnant, I offer some advice around how to navigate boundaries with perfect strangers asking invasive questions.
I talk about the journey of the first trimester, the ups and downs, and all the emotions in between. In these first three months of pregnancy you can expect to feel anything and everything including hope, fear, loss, guilt and relief.
The start of season 3 and it sounds...well...different. I'm no longer in studio but I hope that even though this sounds less profesh, at least I will now be able to deliver weekly episodes! I have a big announcement for you...but you have to listen to find out what it is.
Zakeeya Patel is a well-known South African actress. She has been educating herself on the topic of body shaming and body positivity/neutrality and is here to talk about all that she has learned.
The Circle of Security Parenting Intervention is a phenomenal tool to help parents of small children. Myself and Bev are both licensed facilitators. We sat down to chat about this amazing intervention, so you can understand a little bit more about it.
Boitumelo Dibakoane is a registered birth doula. Her harrowing experience as a young, scared, first time mother inspired her to help others. This story comes with a trigger warning for obstetric abuse and birth trauma. Unfortunately this is a common theme for many who give birth in South Africa. Find out how Boitumelo is fighting for the rights of black women in particular.
Riffing off the themes picked up in the Netflix show "Sex/Life" I discuss the concept of a mid-life crisis and how these moments point us in a direction towards a part of ourselves that need to be alive again. What can you do in your life right now to feel more alive?
Zach Watson is a "TikTok dad influencer" who is challenging the status quo when it comes to modern day fatherhood. In this episode we discuss what he has learned from three months of paternity leave, how he thinks dads need to change their behaviour from the minute their partner falls pregnant, and how we all need to shift patterns that enable dads to be let off the hook from parenting duties.
Attachment theory gives us so many insights into our humanity, how we relate to one another and who we choose to love. Everyone always wants to know, why do we choose certain partners over others? In this episode I unpack the different adult attachment styles and discuss how we might choose certain partners based on your attachment style.
Based on a previous blog post, this episode aims to provide answers for anyone who wants to become a psychologist, specifically students of psychology who are wondering about the masters application process in South Africa.
I'm joined by the incredible creator and actor, Julia Anastasopoulos, and although I can't pronounce her last name I think this conversation cemented in my mind just how thoughtful, kind, generous and honest she is. I adore her as a public figure and human being. Join me as we discuss all things motherhood, body image, the hilarious Tali's baby diary, inclusivity and more.
I chat to Mayuri about her work as activist and educator in the antiracism space. We define antiracism, explain the difference between equity and equality, and offer insight for white people who are keen to do antiracist work. We also discuss self care and how BIPOC are feeling exhausted and need a break.
What is antiraism? Where am I at with my antiracism journey? And how can you be antiracist too?
2020 was a huge year for The Black Lives Matter movement. After covid, it was the biggest news story and cultural phenomenon. In this episode I unpack the concept of antiracism and speak to my own journey, ending with a call to action.
In this episode I unpack some of the common experiences of living through this pandemic. It's been over a year of masks, lockdowns and weirdness. How has that affected our minds and our lives? I also share some tips for managing during this difficult time.
Talking about taboo subjects is a really important part of therapeutic work. Therapy should be a safe space to discuss any topic and the great thing about this is that you can open up about parts of yourself that you would not share with others.
Being a therapist is a hard job but you might be surprised by what challenges me the most in this work.
What is self care and why is it so important? In this episode I unpack the notion of self care and describe its benefits.
Why is gratitude such an effective tool in managing low moods and promoting mental health? In this episode I discuss the reasons I practice gratitude, the ways to cultivate it, and the reasons people resist it.
Gen Putter joins me on the couch to discuss the groundbreaking antenatal class we designed to assist first-time moms and dads to navigate the psychological (and other) changes that occur when you have a baby.
Therapists don't usually share details of their lives to their clients. In this episode I unpack why that is and also "break the rules" by answering some questions about myself
This week everyone is preoccupied with Covid-19 and so I thought it a good idea to address what feelings might be coming up for you at this time and to connect with you over some helpful ideas I've seen floating around. Stay safe out there!
In this episode I unpack why therapists are known for asking "How does that make you feel?". Yes, feelings are super important in therapy. So why do people struggle to connect with or articulate their feelings? Listen to find out why people choose to numb their feelings and what we can do get better at working with our feelings.
One of the hallmarks of therapy is the guarantee of confidentiality. In this episode I break down why confidentiality is so important and explain the limits of confidentiality.
In this episode I spend some time introducing myself and Carly's Couch. I talk about how we have got here and where we came from (a little like Drake - we started at the bottom ;). Then I break down the main reasons why people come to therapy and onto my couch.