The RESILIENCE Podcast: Recent Episodes
Cecil Ledesma
My son is a Navy veteran. He is battling PTS (Post Traumatic Stress). Untreated PTSD from any trauma is unlikely to disappear and can contribute to chronic pain, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, sleep problems and even suicide. Everyday, 22 veterans take their own lives. That’s 22 suicides too many a day. One every 65 minutes is incomprehensible. All curated content comes from some of the greatest minds that inspired me to change my life: Admiral William H. McRaven, John C. Maxwell, Shawn Blanc, Eddie Pinero, Tim Ferriss, Simon Sinek, Tom Bilyeu, Leo Babauta. Ryan Holiday. Brian Cain.
The key here is perspective. By asking yourself whether something will matter in one, three or five years, you’re able to put things into context and see the bigger picture. It helps you to not sweat the small stuff and focus your energy on what truly matters in the long run - your relationships, your goals, and your overall happiness.
You see, it’s not enough to merely exist - to drift through life like a leaf in the wind, tossed this way and that by the whims of fate. No, to truly live, to embody that great consciousness of life, one must embrace life with all that uncertainty and complexities, And meet each moment with an open heart and a tireless and fearless spirit.
But memory is more than just a journey into the past. It is a transformative force that imbues the present with depth and meaning. When we allow ourselves to be fully present, to immerse ourselves in the richness of the moment, we unlock the full potential of our experiences. Every sight, every sound, every sensation becomes heightened, infused with the resonance of memories past, and the promise of memories yet to come.
“Be careful how you are talking to yourself, because you are listening” serves as a powerful reminder of the influence our inner dialogue holds over our lives. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, fostering, a positive mindset, and empowering ourselves, we can harness the power of self-talk for success, fulfillment and personal growth.
Do not squander this precious gift. Do not fritter away your days in idleness or indifference. Instead, seize each moment with fervor and passion, embracing life in all its splendor and chaos. Do not allow fear, or doubt to paralyze you, nor the shackles of conformity to bind you. Break free from the chains that tether you to the ordinary, and forge your own path, guided by the flame of your heart’s desire.
Think of your attention as a precious currency. Just as you wouldn’t squander your hard earned money on frivolous purchases, you shouldn’t squander your attention on things that don’t truly matter. This means learning to prioritize what is truly important to you, what aligns with your values, goals, and aspirations, and letting go of the rest. But knowing what to overlook goes beyond just prioritization. It also requires a certain level of emotional intelligence, the ability to discern between what is worth getting upset over and what is not, what is worth holding onto and what is better left behind.
This present moment is your opportunity—your only opportunity—to connect with your life. It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of everyday life, to be constantly thinking about the past or worrying about the future. But the reality is that the only moment we truly have is right now, this very instant that you are experiencing as you listen to these words.
You see, the good in you, the kindness, the compassion, the strength—it can never be taken away. It's a flame that burns eternal within your soul, a light of hope that guides you through even the darkest of nights. Yes, there may be times when you feel like it was stolen from you, like a thief in the night robbing you of your innocence, your joy, your belief in humanity. But trust me when I say this: the good in you is still there, shining brightly like a diamond amidst the rough.
I want you to ponder deeply on these words: when you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see the real you, or what you have been conditioned to believe is you? The two are so, so different. When you stand before that reflective surface, what gazes back at you? Is it truly the essence of your being, your souls reflection, or is it a mirror projection of the societal constructs, the labels, and limitations imposed upon you?
The world seems to be spinning faster than ever before, where every headline screams of conflict and discord, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, lost in the noise. But within this cacophony lies an opportunity—a chance to carve out your own space of tranquility, a refuge from the storms that rage around us.
When I faced my demons it’s not just that I became free of them, they lifted me up. I’ve been running away from the very pieces that I needed most. This armor is a million mistakes, a million tragedies, letdowns and lessons, friendships betrayed, rejection and disappointment but because of them my world is limitless.
When your determination changes, everything will begin to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success.
Every day we face an array of choices and opportunities, and it is in these moments that our true selves are revealed. Whether it is a mundane chore or an ambitious project, the level of effort and enthusiasm we invest reflects our commitment to growth and self-improvement.
Apologizing for prioritizing ourselves is a behavior deeply ingrained in many of us. We feel the need to justify our decisions and actions, seeking the approval of others. There’s no need to apologize for putting ourselves first. By removing the word “sorry” from our self-prioritization equation, we reclaim the power over our choices and acknowledge that our needs are valid and worthy of consideration.
The world may beckon with its sirens of success, urging us to chase the mirage of monetary triumphs. But amid the flurry of pursuits, it is easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Our children’s eyes hold a mirror reflecting the authenticity of our love. No number can quantify the value of quality time spent with them, nurturing their dreams, and being the pillar of strength they need.
It’s OK to look back to your past and acknowledge something beautiful happened, but don’t get stuck there. It’s no longer where you live. You live in the present and your future demands that you be there. Remember, we can do hard things. Hold onto that.
The cave will test you, challenge you, and demand your resilience, but within its depths lies the essence of your potential. It holds the strength that will push you beyond your limits, the wisdom that will guide you through obstacles, and the self-belief that will light your path even in the darkest of moments.
Today, I stand before you with a profound realization. I no longer want us to bear the weight of life’s journey alone, feeling the burden of navigating success, failure, marriage, divorce, fatherhood, sickness, and all of life’s events in silence. Together, we can break free from the chains of isolation and create a new paradigm of shared experiences.
In the depths of pain lies the potential for a profound healing. Embrace your wounds, for they are not a sign of weakness but a testament to your resilience. Let them be the catalyst for growth and transformation, guiding you towards a place of strength and empowerment.
Choosing not to quit is not a guarantee that the road will be easy. No, it will undoubtedly be filled with obstacles and setbacks. But with each challenge you overcome, you gain strength, wisdom, and the unwavering believe that you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to.
All I’m doing is reminding you how incredible you are, how much you’ve already overcome and how capable you are of conquering whatever is next.
“If you’re going to lose a fight, make sure the other person thinks twice before fighting you again.
As time passed, humanity evolved, and we became more than just mere survivors. We started to think about the future and plan for it. We began to set goals and work towards them. We started to think of ourselves as travelers, moving through time, going somewhere.
“Even as babies, we created fictional characters and situations that caused fear. And this is exactly how fear manifests itself throughout our lives. Every fearful or anxious thought we ever had or will ever have is created by us.”
Sometimes it’s hard to look around and find a reason to be optimistic, to understand or comprehend WHY. But what we’ll find is that if we look hard enough immersed in the uncertainty, the disruption and in some cases, the tragedy - there’s something to be gained.
“Let’s be the ones racing onto the track to be there for our loved ones who might have stumbled and hurt themselves. Let’s be strong enough to accept help from others and when we stumble and injure ourselves.”
Pain can break us or make us wiser. Suffering can destroy us or make us stronger. Fear can cripple us, or it can make us more courageous. It is resilience that makes the difference. Nothing lasts forever. And this too shall pass.
And the enemy is always watching. Waiting. Looking for that moment of weakness. Looking for you to exhale, set your weapon down, and close your eyes, even for just a moment. And that’s when they attack. So don’t ever be finished.
When you have immersed yourself in that which you love - time is your heartbeat. And when you have not, it’s a subtle warning sign whispering of roads untraveled and gifts unopened, singing reminders that you must realign that time can’t ever be stockpiled or saved. It’s loyal to no one person.
Do you know what it is to write and direct for yourself? I like to think consciously about my own story, the parable of my life, especially now than I am well into my final act. I intend it to be all about love.
“You can choose to follow your heart always. Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness. You can stay in your state of bliss, and hell will not affect you at all.”
Do you notice the beat of your heart, the comfort of a hot shower, or the milk in the refrigerator? They won’t be appreciated if you don’t pay attention to them. When did you last tell yourself, “thank God my heart is beating.”
When two people have very different values or beliefs, it can be difficult to resolve conflict. It is important to remember that conflict is a normal part of any relationship. The key is to learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. It is possible for oil and water in a relationship to work.
We live in a culture that barrages us with images of a life, that all smart, attractive, successful, or otherwise good people are entitled to live. It’s a life of wealth, physical beauty, perfect careers, great health, abundant comfort, and lots of blissful photos online to prove it. Because of this, entitlement runs rampant.
Our struggle with impermanence, causes much, if not all, of our suffering. We don’t want things to change, we want things to be the way we want them. And when they are not, we’re stressed out, frustrated, disappointed, grieving, mourning, wishing things were different.
The only thing a person can ever really do is keep moving forward. Take a big leap forward without hesitation, without once looking back. Simply forget the past and forge toward the future. I know it’s easier said than done.
Focus on what you can offer the world. Leave behind your self-centered concerns about whether your job is just right. Instead, keep your head down and plug away at getting really damn good at what you do. No one owes you a great career. You need to earn it and the process won’t be easy.
You choose the happiness of this moment, over the pain of the past. You are in charge of how you feel, and today you are choosing happiness. You deserve to have an amazing life. You are here to live, not just exist.
Give your emotions her name. Let your mind and body know that it’s safe for you to see what hasn’t been seen, to feel what hasn’t been felt, to voice what hasn’t been said. Move toward yourself, not away from pain.
You deserve more than a chapter. You deserve to be the book they can’t stop reading. Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it go.
Cutting people out of your life, doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means your respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay. It is time to write a new story.
“Make your core principles, and come up with your own oath to self. Make sure it is aspirational, and that it challenges you to strive and achieve, and live by it every day”.
We create the situation, and then we give our power away by blaming the other person for our frustration. No person, no place, and no thing has any power over us, for we are the only thinkers in our mind. Our thoughts and beliefs are not set in stone. We could always choose to change them if they are not serving us in a positive way.
The challenges we face In life can help us to grow and become stronger. It also highlights the importance of remaining vigilant and adaptable, even during times of prosperity. By recognizing the cyclical nature of history, and embracing the lessons of the past, we can help to create a better future for ourselves and for those around us.
We exchange a promise with our partner to be there for each other, knowing that we are not perfect, knowing that we will screw up and make mistakes. But it does not give us a free pass. Marriage means making an effort to resolve conflicts, effectively, to be honest, and kind, to appreciate each other.
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing”. - Helen Keller.
Life is a gift. It’s a gift when things are hard. It is a gift when they are easy, it is always a gift. So don’t let your losses define you. If you get back up, it is nothing short of a victory.
When it hurts, know that it’s hurt worse and you’ve persevered. When you experience loss, know that it’s not about what’s gone, but what you now have, and will keep with you forever and most importantly, know that you can always step into a new pair of shoes. You can always reinvent, re-create, you are never defined by something that happened in the past.
Maybe you’ll have a revelation, an aha moment. But you have to make yourself ready to listen. The calling that you here is often the echo of your own efforts. You want to know what your purpose is. I can’t tell you. I can tell you that, whatever it is, you’ll have to work for it. Your purpose will not be found; it will be forged.
“Frankl came to see that his unfinished work kept him sane. Mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved, and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become”.
There is a difference between self-talk that is aspirational and self-talk that is delusional. The difference is not in the words. The difference lies in practice.
I’m now in that stage of my life where I’m becoming more and more aware that it’s now towards the end. It’s lovely being on the open sea, but I’m becoming aware that there’s land ahead. There’s an end to the journey.
People worry they will die of boredom or fear if they are alone by themselves for any length of time. Other people have become so distraction-addicted that they would consider sitting alone by themselves like being in a sensory deprivation tank.
It might be hard now. It might hurt now. It might be uncomfortable now. But when you’re eventually standing upon an existence that aligns with who you are and what you want, you’ll see how necessary at all was.
What you do is overcome. That is who you are. You’ve done it for you. You’ve done it for the ones you love, and in some cases the ones who didn’t even understand but you kept going.
Seneca wrote that “only the prize fighter who has been bloodied and bruised in training and previous matches, can go into the ring confident of his chances of winning”.
“The greatest mistake physicians make is that they attempt to cure the body without attempting to cure the mind; yet the mind and body are one and should not be treated separately.”
We live in a world that often values positivity and happiness above all else, it can be difficult to embrace our negative emotions. However, by doing so, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
Remember that rekindling love, after such a long time apart, won’t be easy. It may take time to fully heal and rebuild. But with patience, understanding, and a willingness to put in the effort, it is possible to reignite the love and passion that once existed between you.
Because the truth is every morning, when you wake up, you are living minutes you will never get back. You are breathing air you will never take in again. It is your one opportunity to embrace this gift. And every second sees a little of it slip away.
Every job you have should prepare you for the next one somewhere else, even if you choose to stay where you are.
You are always one decision away from a totally different life. And that decision should be first and foremost to choose future over past. Your next step over the last one. Choose your ideal world and start building.
The only way to break through the noise, to create something, is to fully and wholeheartedly believe in yourself. Believe in yourself to the extent that you can detach from the criticism, detach from the façade of perfect lives on social media, and the expectations you’re immersed in.
What an amazing thing it is to be alive, doing this activity right now, in the miracle of existence, and of this moment. What a breathtaking thing, if only we don’t take it for granted, and fully appreciate the fleeting joyful beauty of this moment.
Taking risks is not just about going for a job or applying to a college. It’s about acting on what you know and accepting what you don’t know. It’s about being open to people and to ideas.
The Japanese have a term, “mono no aware” that speaks to the impermanence, ephemeral nature to all things. It’s so sweet, tinged with some sadness, because everything we care about is beautiful and fleeting. This fleetingness only makes things more precious.
“How much more meaningful what are stories BF, at our funeral, people talked less about her accomplishments and more about our encouragement?”
It’s all just a story, isn’t it? It’s a narrative in our heads, that we replay, over and over, until it beat us down into submission. The thoughts are not true. There’s no objective panel of judges in the sky who have judged us unworthy. We just made up the story, and we pick out evidence to match the narrative.
You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It’s not your work to exist for people and give your life to them.
Are you watching the best part of life pass you by? Perhaps waiting for another time to do what you were put on this planet to do. Listen to me. Get what’s yours. I know you. Let your talents change the world. Give yourself this chance.
How would you act differently tomorrow if you knew that your actions and attitude on that “one” day we’re going to be a permanent testament to your life?
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy. Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened.
If you can refuse to let it control your actions, then you’ll still go down the path of gaining mastery, and in the gaining of mastery, you will have the last laugh.
What if your purpose and your gift was to help people find compassion for themselves? People who are struggling with harshness in self-criticism. So maybe this creates a shift in purpose, exploring self-compassion for yourself, and a way to share that with others.
We should be remembered for the things we do. The things we do are the most important things of all. They are more important than what we say or what we look like. The things we do outlast are mortality.
Success to me is giving full effort, knowing that was the best I was capable of. Full effort means nothing if day-to-day preparation was not all I had. Success to me is giving everything I have into each and every day, each and every moment, training, recovery, family, friends, giving back, inspiring, loving what I do.
You are an artist, and your own architect. Not talking or explaining or promising, but simply showing, leading, earning respect from yourself, attention from the masses, and a place in history.
You have everything you need. And life is not always perfect, but it is always what you make it. How things are, it’s not how they should be or need to be. But how you’ve allow them to be.
Be quiet, still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet. If you’re willing to experience the grace and power of solitude.
Normal was every second you wanted to take that easy road, and did not. And from those moments from the normalcy of the day to day, from the very heart of the unspectacular, the extraordinary, is born from this process.
You’ve missed your shot at a promotion. So work harder, put yourself on a pedestal so high that it will be impossible to get past them next time. The past is not telling you know. It’s giving you inside and momentum for the future.
Society will adapt, and conform to you, simply because you didn’t bow down to it. There’s brilliance there, it just needs to be believed in and refined.
When that intersection of real and imaginary blend together, possibilities, multiply. Limitations crumble and fall and failure is no longer an endpoint. It’s an invitation to begin again.
Life becomes simple, and how beautiful simplicity is. It’s shining a spotlight on what matters. It’s clarity. It’s taking control. It’s picking up the clay and molding what you want to mold. It’s opening the door and deciding to walk through.
Think of having a backpack, limited capacity, the things you put in there should provide value on your trip. You’re not going to put things in there that you don’t need, they only way you down, and won’t help you get to your destination.
Vulnerability or safety? Safety, that innate desire to not disrupt or challenge the way things are. Even when you know in your core, there’s more out there. Safety is the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Watching life happen through a window is extremely safe, but it means you’re forfeiting the essence of life in exchange for a front row seat to watch others live it.
Here’s to breathing in that ocean breeze, laughing until your stomach hurts. Here’s to reconnecting with an old friend who you met 40 years ago. Here’s to dreaming like there are no rules and living like there’s no tomorrow, to creating your masterpiece one word, one note, one brushstroke at a time.
I could see the aging as a reminder of life’s impermanence, and realize that I have less time now than I did at 19, and set out to make the most of the moments I have left.
How about taking a look at our own harsh judgment of people? What if they had the chance to be everything but jerks? What would that open up in our lives?
There is always a place for you, amidst the summers of life, even when it’s hard to see. Even when it feels impossible, cold, dark, and lonely. You are always on your journey back here. Always.
As we turn to page, we are refreshed and invigorated. But “new” has a short lifespan. New eventually gives way to the same realities we’ve dealt with in the last chapter, the same struggles, the same obstacles. So no, the answer to change is not novelty. It can’t be.
If you set your bar at amazing, it’s awfully difficult to start. Your first paragraph, sketch, formula, sample or concept isn’t going to be amazing. Your 10th one might not be either. Keep persevering. Keep fighting.
This is the Uber practical, scientifically, proven way to bring your dreams to life. Wish + Outcome + Obstacle + Plan.
“Knowing who you are - and who you are not - is essential. But it is only the starting point. All the talent, motivation, and hard work in the world will not be valued or remembered if it does not help another human being”.
So today, and for the rest of your life, focus on the 12 things that make a truly high value man instead of just money, and life will completely changed around you.
“I’m the first to admit we live in a wacky world. I often scratch my head at what passes for “normal” and I’m often pained by the enormous amount of suffering in our communities in the world”.
The public sees it as the random person on the street, or the guy at the end of the bar, or the quiet woman at work, or even perhaps our own best friend that also happens to be a roommate. They don’t see it as a family member, a friend or a neighbor. Our picture is distorted.
When others see how much you have changed, they’ll feel they ought to change, too, for it is contagious. It is magic.
We should all practice mindfulness every single day so when these moments arise, we know how to move forward, productively, and never look back for the answers. Understanding that you only have control over the present moment is the key to being able to turn the page.
What if we slowed down and appreciated our sameness? The fact that we’re all in this together. That we share a common humanity.
“Self kindness involves more than just stopping self judgment. It involves actively comforting ourselves, responding, just as we would do a dear friend in need”.
If you don’t let yourself be vulnerable, you never experience failure on a significant level. You don’t fail, you don’t learn, you don’t learn, you don’t grow. And if that’s the case, forget about the top of the mountain.
“When we live a life of meaning, we invite others to do the same. Those who come behind us will build on our stories. They can add to them and make them better because we have showed them the way”.
“You can stare that fear wolf down, and refuse to feed it any longer. Starve it of that negative conditioning. Then you can feed the courage wolf, a steady diet of good food, and lead with your heart and mind as equal partners”.
You have everything you need to get started. Stop waiting for the weather to change in your life. Stop waiting for the perfect conditions. Stop waiting for a handout. Stop waiting for everybody to believe in you, and cheer for you, and affirm you.
“Perhaps the single greatest paradigm shift I’ve had as a human is this idea: I am writing my story, and I alone have the responsibility to shape it into something meaningful”.
The soul resides within. Connecting with that best, most heroic version of ourselves, so we can live with eudaemonia, which means good soul, in service to something bigger than ourselves, is, of course, the ultimate game we were playing and the focal point of everything we do together.
We don’t have to wait until we’re actually near death to receive these benefits of being mortal. We can create the experience anytime we want.
Yes, on some level you need to be committed to what you’re doing. You need to want to see the project finished or get healthier, or get an earlier start to your day. But you don’t need to feel like doing it. Act differently than how you feel.
Your professors weren’t asking for perfection, and if they were, my older self today, would’ve had something to say about that. Perfectionism rarely begets perfection, only disappointment.
It is a hard lesson, because it causes us to realize we have chosen the life we are living right now. It is, perhaps frightening for us to think that we have chosen to live our life exactly as it is today.
Words mean nothing. Ideas are empty. Respect is earned by adding actual value. By making a difference. So reallocate that energy into the gift that you are giving to the people around you.
An unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition. It’s when the notion of ourselves in the world grows so inflated that it begins to distort the reality that surrounds us.
“Gratitude leads us to affirm and acknowledge the good things in our lives, and because you cannot be grateful and negative at the same time, it, counteracts feelings of envy, anger, greed, and other states harmful to happiness”.
“Throughout the day, we have many choices regarding who we’re going to be with and talk to. Don’t just gravitate to the coffee machine and participate in the negative gossip because it’s the only game in town”. - Steve Chandler
What will you create with the pieces presented to you not tomorrow or the next day but right now and every second moving forward?
Life gave you an amazing gift of a new day. Many people who are on their last breath would give anything for such a miraculous gift, and yet, we often will take this gift for granted. Fritter it away. And complain about much of it.
The song will come. The skies will clear, the sun will rise. But you have to know that, and you have to know it now, when all you have is ambition and a plan.
Loving well is an art. It starts with the awareness of something larger than ourselves, call it God, Source, Universe, whatever term feels delicious to you. The knowledge that Divine Love loves you is the beginning of your love story.
Your goal is not simply to live. Your goal is to live a life without walls, a life where you’re the author, with a pen in hand, and your story can be shared with the world as confirmation, as an example of what possible.
Nothing is impossible when others fail to see the answer. When others fail to see the light in themselves, in the situation. You become the reminder that life is internally manufactured.
While politicians, historians, and well-meaning people on both sides may debate the righteousness of the battle, no one can dispute the courage of the men who stayed and their impact on the future of America.
“Now is our time. This is our moment. We need to step up to make a difference. And we can. The American adventure of freedom, equality, and justice is in our hands”.
Sometimes in life, the difference between OK, and great or stagnation and growth is only a change in perspective. It is how you look at the world and your place within it, that little voice in your head, reminding you that you are capable of things beyond your current comprehension.
Life doesn’t owe anyone anything. Most adults, and the overwhelming majority of today’s children and teens, feel entitled to having everything they are taught to want.
Stop for a moment and catch your thought. What are you thinking right now? If it is true, that your thoughts shape your life, would you want what you were just thinking right now to become true for you?
What if the real answer is knowing that we can’t get to where we really want to go without depending and leaning on others? What if our collective intellect, our collective resourcefulness, is the only way to become the best version of ourselves?
The stigma attached to letting someone else know that you are in a dark place, remains. The fear of appearing weak or the fear of being told “get over yourself and get back to work”. I get it. I understand it. It’s plain awful.
Anything I did that was bad or wrong or unhealthy, I would just tell myself it was a layer of plaster on top. That wasn’t really me. Therefore, changing the behavior wasn’t so threatening.
The point is to get in touch with something that makes you feel great, but not to let yourself starve, or be stopped by a fear that you’ll fail, by a fear that it cannot be done.
I believe that gratitude is the best approach to life. When life is going, well, it allows us to celebrate and magnify the goodness.
In a limitless world, why set your sights on the obtainable? The prize within an arms reach? Why not think bigger? Our expectations are the foundation for our accomplishment.
Let’s get away from the disease of when I and turn it into whether I and let’s stop fascinating about what’s going to be in the future and let’s start focusing on what’ right here today.
Are you weary from the effort of keeping a relationship afloat with a person who refuses to learn to swim? Are you rowing alone, going in circles?
Everyone needs a David Woodhams. The rare friend, who becomes a warrior to defend your weakness, who closes around you like a fortress when your world falls apart, who comes over when you are overcome, reminds you of who you are, when you’ve forgotten, who knows where to find you when you get lost.
Reality is our days are finite. One day, they will run out.
Many people I know spend their entire life trying to avoid this fact. They even tell me that I have such a negative outlook on life.
When the rest of the world shuts you down. You’ve got to be the one to stand up. Shout out. Cry out. Stand tall, work hard and go after it. There’s nothing that’s going to stop you.
To be different. To be great. Start by looking at people who have done great things. They all have the same message. Believe in yourself, trust your ability, it’s not hidden, it’s not a message that’s hard to find. You just have to want to find it.
“Suffering is caused by the contrast between what you mentally decide you want, and the reality unfolding in front of you. To whatever degree they don’t match, you suffer”. - Michael Singer
The most important conversation you ever have is the one you have with yourself. You wake up with it. You walk around with it, you go to bed with it. Eventually, you act on it, whether it be good or bad.
“To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation and order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life. We must first set our hearts, right”.
“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens”. - Louise Hay
“Each one of us has a three year old child within us, and we often spend most of our time yelling at that kid in ourselves. Then we wonder why are lives don’t work”. - Louise Hay
“What distinguishes the exceptional from the unexceptional is a willingness to fail, and an exceptional ability to learn from every failure”. - Eric Greitens
Your success in this life, what you achieve, what you fail to achieve, who you become, who you failed to become, depends on a lot of things. Most importantly, it depends on you and your mindset.
Lock yourself up in your room, or go out in the woods, where you can be alone. When you are alone, the universe talks to you in flashes of inspiration. You will find that you will suddenly know things which you never knew before.
Every room that I walk in, I will change the game. You’ve got to make it up in your mind that all you have is all you need.
We live in a culture of busyness, distraction, and noise, and sometimes the only way something is going to change is if we disappear.
Remember that the single best predictor of resilience and growth is a connection to others. Recruit help moving forward. Relentlessly seek someone who has your back and will pick you up whenever you fall. Credit: Steven C. Hayes, A Liberated Mind: How to pivot toward what matters
I made my fair share of bad choices. And some of those bad choices resulted in nothing short of an unmitigated disaster. But those were the best lessons.
I remember a story that retired Admiral William McRaven told about his experience while he was training to be a frog man, a navy seal. It is a story of courage, persistence, resilience, and hope.
The pain I feel in difficult times it’s the same pain you feel in difficult times. The triggers are different, the circumstances are different, the degree of pain is different, but the process is the same.
Respect yourself, enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.
You can learn new things at any time in your life if you’re willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you. With every roadblock, a detour is built. With every ending, a new beginning is defined.
It’s never too late. Things change. People change. Don’t you dare give up. Be patient. Be a light, not a judge.
Whatever you had the chance to do yesterday, won’t come back. But you have this moment. You have this chance to do something great with this life that you have been given.
You understood what you had to do. You didn't wait for anybody. You didn't wait for anyone to rescue you. You knew what had to be done. And you did it.
The best day of your life is the one in which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours.
“We can decide to live gratefully, courageously, open to life in all its fullest. By living the gratefulness, we don’t feel, we begin to feel the gratefulness we live”.
“There’s a secret that real writers know that wannabe writers don’t, and the secret is this: it’s not the writing part that’s hard. What’s hard is sitting down to write. What keeps us from sitting down is Resistance”.
Maybe you’re young and brimming with ambition. Maybe you’re young and you’re struggling. Maybe you’re stunned to find out how empty it is at the top. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego.
Rewarding movement is how your brain and body encourage you to participate in life. If you are willing to move, your muscles will give you hope. Your brain will orchestrate pleasure.
“Acceptance is best understood, as non-resistance to reality. Try as you may, no one can make an event that has already happened not have happened”.
What do you need to start doing? What do you need to stop doing? What do you need to continue doing? Right now, is the most important day of your life because you’re living it, the most important day of your life, because it ends in Y (WHY).
People like to imagine that they will “rise to the occasion”. In all truth, people rarely do. What happens, in fact, is that when things get really hard and people are really afraid, they sink to the level of their training. You train your habits. And if a critical moment does come, all you can be is ready for it.
As you replay the best moments from this week, realize there are wins buried inside of every single day that we might not notice, unless we take time to reflect. Whatever it is you have coming up this week, you’re prepared for it.
If the odds of being alive, living, breathing are one in 400 trillion, you won. You have, as you’re listening to this, already done the miraculous. So why not cash in?
Are you crazy enough to trust yourself while the world thinks you’re a little nuts? What are your crazy dreams? What are the really big dreams? What would you dare to dream if you knew you were guaranteed to succeed?
Consider your first paycheck, and how big it seemed then. Or your first apartment, with its own bedroom and bathroom and the Ramen, you gladly scarfed down in the kitchen. Today, as you’ve become more successful, these conditions would hardly feel sufficient.
“The turning point in anybody’s life is when you come to that fork in the road where you have to decide whether to risk your life or to lose your conscience. One road leads up, one down”.
Sometimes we need to climb an actual hill, pull ourselves up, or work together to shoulder a heavy load to know that these traits are a part of us.
“Life can make a selfish, skew our priorities, towards work, wealth, and image. Our character, the qualities that make us most human, most able to fit well into society, can be diminished by the trappings of modernity”.
This is the Resilience podcast Sunday Affirmation and Visualization practice where we AFFIRM, REFLECT and LOOK AHEAD to the coming week.
Maybe it’s time to write that letter that you’ve held onto for days, months, even years, because the pain was simply too great, and the wound never healed. It can be a difficult and painful process, but maybe that’s what time it is for you.
Humility is a huge part of the equation. It is one of the cornerstones of the process. The only way we can get better is by acknowledging our limitations and owning it.
When a habit has become so ingrained, that actions begin to flow from you without conscious thought, or effort, then you have changed your character.
The only relationship between work and chatter is that one kills the other. Let the others slap each other on the back while you’re back in the lab or the gym or pounding the pavement.
You assemble your rifle with a blindfold on, you workout with a weighted vest on. You do it 1000 times, and then 1000 times more while there is no pressure so that when there is, you’ll know exactly what to do.
Old wounds, that don’t get treated, aren’t really old, they remain fresh. They are still open sores that eat away at your friendship, relationship, or your marriage from the inside, without you even knowing it.
In the years to come, Churchill and King would witness some of the most hellish torments that man could invent. Yet they, along with many of our ancestors, endured that pain as well. As horrible as it was, eventually all would be well again.
A legacy project of any scale does not just appear. If you have a big enough WHY, you’ll find and do the HOW.
It quickly became my legacy project that I would leave to him. My words, messages, lessons, encouragement, advice, inspiration, and unconditional love. My voice and time in a bottle.
“I have more fun, and enjoy more financial success, when I stop trying to get what I want and start helping other people get what they want.“
“The day before she made the decision to withdraw, Biles felt off. Her takeoffs felt off. Her Aerials felt off. Her landings felt off. And she knew if she were to perform the way she was performing, she would’ve cost her teammates a medal.”
Expect to be driven off course, but not worry because we’ve plotted a way back. We can resist going to pieces if things didn’t go as planned. With anticipation, we can endure. We are prepared for failure and ready for success.
Perhaps people don’t take you seriously. Or you think you’re too old. Or you lack support or enough resources. Maybe laws or regulations restrict your options. Or your obligations do. Or false goals and self-doubt. Whatever it is, here you are. Here we all are.
What makes his actions so special is the sincerity of his giving and his unbridled compassion. Every handshake is a bond of friendship. Every hug is a promise of support. Every smile is genuine.
“A blazing fire takes whatever you throw on it and consumes it, and rises higher because of it.”
Forgetting he moved his marker, Tiger put his ball down and was about to putt from the wrong spot. If he did, he’d automatically lose the hole and the tournament.
Think about the areas of your life where you are under duress or weighed down by obligation. What are the choices available to you, day after day? You might be surprised at how many there actually are. Are you taking advantage? Are you finding the positives?
His captors deprived him. They tortured him. They beat him. They stripped him of his possessions. But they could not break him.
“He was one jump from a certain victory for the gold medal when he felt his horse go lame. He chose to stop and dismount, sparing his horse’s life, rather than complete the race and win.”
2000 years ago, to the Stoics, Stoicism is something you DO. They were most concerned with how one lived, the choices you made, the causes you served, the principles you adhered to in the face of adversity.
Learning to live in the present moment is vital, because it’s the only thing you have any control over. The only thing you can do to rectify the past or influence the future is to take action now, in the present moment.
If you don’t find the courage to stand your ground, they will strike. In life, to achieve your goals, to complete the night swim, you will have to be men and women of great courage. That courage is within all of us. Dig deep, and you will find it in abundance.
Angela Merkel is the antithesis of nearly every assumption we make about a head of State - especially a German one. She is plain. She is modest. She cares little for presentation or flash. She gives no fiery speeches.
That fighter who has seen her own blood, who has felt her teeth rattle beneath her opponents fist, who has been downed in body but not in spirit, will they know what they can take.
A critical turning point. The moment of truth. Will you be brave? Will you put yourself out there? What will you reveal your character to be?
“So ask now, right now, while you have the courage. Before it’s too late. We are in this mission together. Ask for help. It’s not just brave, it’s the right thing to do.”
“Ego needs honors in order to be validated. Confidence, on the other hand, is able to wait and focus on the task at hand regardless of external recognition.” - Ryan Holiday, Ego Is The Enemy
I’m just lucky to be here. We are lucky to be here. We’re lucky to have challenges that push us forward, lucky to have ups and downs that bring us closer to the people in our lives.
Keep your head in the game in the present moment. Focus on making one good play and doing your part, moment by moment, until the competition ends.
“But no matter how mightily you might struggle, the world will believe in you, follow you, and allow themselves to be saved - If they know you to be honest, trustworthy, of good character and good faith.”
If you are one of the lucky ones to be playing in New York City right now trying to win three matches to earn a spot on the main draw of the US Open, good luck. What an exciting time in your life to have an opportunity to make a childhood dream come true.
Role models offer a practical wisdom. The closer the role models experience is to yours, the more practical advice you may find. No one can speak to a wounded veteran like another wounded veteran. No one can speak to a family that has cared for a desperately ill child like another family that has done the same.
To be humble is to recognize that one’s intellect, one’s physical strength, one’s wealth all pale when compared to the vastness, the complexity, the richness, the power, and the grandeur of the universe.
When you find yourself reflecting on someone’s positive example to guide your thinking and your actions and you begin to imitate them, then you have a role model.
“Be original. Be yourself. To be anything else is to be a coward. Don’t let the opinion of cowards influence what you think or do. The future depends on it.”
In times of upheaval, crisis, and turmoil, great leaders turn to humor as a source of strength for themselves and those that they lead.
Great coaches understand this, whether you’re a Division 1 college hopeful or a gifted young musician on your way to play Carnegie Hall one day. It’s all about having a process that helps close the gap from where you are to where you want to be.
Only one thing matters at a time, and that one thing is the most important thing in the world.
Motivation comes from thought. Every act we take is preceded by a thought that inspires that act. And when we quit thinking, we lose the motivation to act. We eventually slip into pessimism, and the pessimism leads to even less thinking. And so it goes, A downward spiral of negativity and passivity, feeding on itself like cancer. - Steve Chandler, 100 ways to motivate yourself
“Someday a small act of courage may change the course of a nation, and someday a small act of sacrifice may change the course of history. You must start preparing now by learning from the heroes that came before you and those who walk among you today.”
Forgiveness will never be easy. It was not meant to be. It takes a strong person to forgive. But the act of forgiving will strengthen your character immeasurably and it will rid you of hatred that is the demise of so many good men and women.
“He had this gaunt look and he wore all the pain of running on his face. You can imagine him in sight of the finish, pain clawing through his thighs, the rhythm of his heart pounding in his ears, his lungs on fire. That’s very real pain. And a very real pleasure.
To continually show up for yourself, to get to know yourself, to remove the armor, to literally change your thought processes and brain pathways is some of the most important work I continue to do. There is a different kind of stamina needed, a different kind of endurance needed, for a journey that has no finish line.
Why do some quit while others continue? Why do some assume they have failed when no one told them they failed? Why do some refuse to believe they failed when others insist they are a failure?
Expecting adversity is a hallmark of many successful people, and it extends well beyond the world of sports. If you think this kind of visualization practice is reserved only for Olympic athletes, you would be incorrect.
“Apply yourself to thinking through difficulties - hard times can be softened, tight squeezes widened, and heavy loads made lighter for those who apply the right pressure.“ - Ryan Holiday, Courage is calling
Realize that time isn’t standing still for you, me, or anyone. Grab life by the horns. Don’t sleepwalk by opportunities. Go to bed each night thinking, today I was at my best. And make each day your masterpiece.
Why do I cry just remembering the US men’s hockey team on the verge of beating the powerhouse Russian squad and the crowd in Lake Placid is counting down the seconds and Al Michaels asks, “do you believe in miracles?”
“You think it’d be better if things were easy. You wish you didn’t have to take this risk. If only the leap didn’t look so damn dangerous. That’s just the fear talking.”
In the Taoist tradition, the core teaching is that the key to our full potential is to balance our Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) energies.
We need to fall in love with who we are. Our flaws, our brilliance, our quirkiness, our insecurities, our psychotic thoughts. The whole spectrum. Appreciate YOU.
No one has it all figured out. I don’t care if you’re LeBron James or the Pope. Learning to ask for help can be the most life-changing upgrade we make starting today.
And while our darkest moments test our strength, they push our boundaries even transform our reality. They can also be the bridge that leads us exactly where we need to be. They remind us.
The point is to master the art of showing up. First, make it the standard in your life, then worry about doing it better.
Design your own life‘s game plan. Let the game respond to you rather than the other way around.
Check your commitment to you. Your investment in you. Reality is that this world has for you everything you need to change, to grow, explore, build a life that means something. It has the support structures and the resources for you to pull yourself back up every time you fall.
“When your behavior and your identity are fully aligned, you are no longer pursuing behavior change. You are simply acting like the type of person you already believe yourself to be.”
But it is at the end of the day, your ally, you just have to see your future self, before it materializes, when no one else gets it, so move on from all that does not serve you.
When was the last time you felt that you were not enough? Enough of what? How much is enough? How do we know if it’s enough? Who even decides what enough is? By whose standards am I even comparing myself to?
Think about it. When what you’re doing is less than what you’re capable of doing - and I’m not talking about what you “should” be doing here, but what your highest self knows you’re capable of, there’s a gap. And, in that gap is where depression and anxiety and disillusionment choose to hang out.
So women, on behalf of men all over the world who feel similar to me, please forgive us for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength.
“We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word.”
Marcus Aurelius reminds us not to worry about the opinion of other people who don’t even have a good opinion of themselves.
Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable is not going against yourself. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.
“That space between your ears-that’s yours. You don’t just have to control what gets in, you also have to control what goes on in there.”
You are here for such a brief time. On this planet. In this job. As a young, single person. How do you want to spend it? Like a coward? If fear is to be a driving force in your life, fear what you’ll miss.
The challenge for the veteran - and for anyone suddenly deprived of purpose - is not simply to overcome trauma, but to rebuild meaning. The only way out is through. Through suffering to strength. Through hardship to healing.
Difficult and unpleasant as it may be to accept, we often feel most hostile to those who remind us of aspects of ourselves that we prefer not to see.
This habit of worrying more about what others think of our thoughts than we do about our own thinking usually begins in high school, but as exhibit A shows, it can last a lifetime.
By being perpetually busy, glued to your cell phone, out in the world all day with no time to reflect, you will guarantee yourself an eventual overwhelming sense of confusion.
Right, wrong or indifferent. Make a choice. Make a decision. Have the courage and take a stand or fall for just about anything.
We are not given answers so that we may believe them. We are given the opportunity to believe and so we create that ending we hope to pursue.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. Let those on the sideline, talk about their empty tanks and fantasized limitation. You are not running on empty.
We want to live in a world of brave people, we want to be brave … and we’re afraid to talk about it because we might look foolish!
If an unexpected phone call happens, traffic on the Mopac expressway, the check engine light comes on in your car, something that prevents you from getting to your destination on time, this is a chance to practice patience.
It’s possible to curb our arrogance, control our anger, and be a more caring person. How do you think others do it?
The more things he wrote down, the more confident he became that he was truly becoming a finisher. After all, he had a notebook to prove it.
Don’t let fear be your map. Do not let comfort determine where you stay. Let curiosity guide you. Let your eagerness for adventure, for diversity, for aliveness, lead you.
A folded up map, hidden away in your desk. It’s just millions of possibilities and proposes an endless journey but until you grab it, open your door and step outside, you will never truly take YOU there.
I was running away from rejection my entire life. Then I started embracing it. I turned that into a beautiful gift in my life. Don’t run. Embrace them.
Epictetus reminds us that “it’s impossible to learn that which you think you already know.”
Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results. - James Clear, Atomic Habits
“I will strive to be courageous; to take one step forward as I confront my fears.” - Admiral William McRaven (US Navy Retired)
Someday we’ll look back on this moment with the lessons we’ve learned, the hardships we’ve faced, and we will be reminded of the miracle that is the human spirit unwavering in it’s resolve, unbreakable at its foundation. Stronger than we could ever comprehend.
If someone wanted to continually hand Michael Jordan his salary and endorsement money they would have to do it at a rate of $2 per second.
In challenges and hardship, the struggle of adapting on the fly is paramount, and the ability to do so is characteristic of all champions. As Darwin said “it is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”
Refuse to let the events that happen to you, around you and inside you, displace your body language, focus, self talk and subsequently your mindset and how you feel. Let your actions be the determining factor that drives your feelings.
We often fail to act out of fear. We worry about our legacy. We worry about what others think. We worry that it will be hard. We worry that there will be a better time down the road. None of that matters. You only have right now.
Every step, every trial, every disappointment, I’ve come out stronger, battle hardened, no nonsense, fully aware of the fact that happiness was a choice.
1 million little wins, ups, downs, failures, successes, all jumbled into what will eventually be the mountain you stand on but how you visualize that mountain is crucial.
Why not build a new habit around the news? Every time the news comes on use it as a trigger to go take care of yourself. Go for a brisk 30 minute walk come back with zero stress. You’ll like yourself more and even sleep better at night.
“Let’s stop eagerly anticipating some future event. And passionately imagining something that we desire looking forward to some “when I”happiness scenario. - Brian Cain
We choose to focus on what’s inside our control, and what we can control is exactly what defines success. It’s what we can focus on this day, this hour, this minute. Now is everything you have to work with. When you live it fully, it is more than enough. - Ben Bergeron, Chasing Excellence.
Let’s stop making success harder than it needs to be but you’ve got to look in the mirror. That’s the biggest competition we’re ever going to have is the one you see every day in the mirror.
I encourage you to be on the lookout for adversity, ready to push back against an emotional response by pausing, quickly evaluating what you can control, and responding in the way that sets you up for success moving forward. E + R = O.
“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
“For this generation and the next, I have to remind ourselves and teach our children - that human beings can turn hardship into wisdom because we are born with a capacity for resilience, and we can make ourselves more resilient through practice. It’s not easy. But it’s not complicated.” - Eric Greitens, Resilience.
“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. No matter how you feel, get up, get dressed, dress up and show up.”
“We all know that every plane has a black box. In the event of a tragic accident, investigators go through all the data they can find and try to figure out precisely what went wrong so they can prevent another accident like it from ever happening again.” - Matthew Syed, Black Box Thinking
“Imagine your ideal self facing the challenges you have in your life. Do this consistently and you’ll find your self-image shifting and your actions more and more effortlessly aligning with this higher vision of your self.” - Maxwell Malz
It’s done and gone forever, and there’s no way to get it back. And the key in your life is to understand that that’s fine, that you’re going to learn from what happened, that you’re going to grow and get better and that living your life in the past is stopping you from having a future.
Fear does not automatically lead to courage. Injury does not necessarily lead to insight. Hardship will not automatically make us better. It is resilience that makes the difference.
People treasure what they measure. If you can’t measure it you can’t improve it. Walk the walk and get others to follow you. Be a leader that is so motivated every day that you motivate other people.
I want you to ask yourself what some of those meaningless habits are, that you have in athletic competition. Habits that don’t mean anything. They’re important but you do them automatically and without thought and association.
You can create that mindset of abundance instead of focusing on the things you don’t have. Look, we live in a comparison society. That’s why social media is so big because it allows you to open up and compare yourself against everybody else. As you connect, there’s a lot of positives of social media but we want to make sure we connect and don’t compare. Compete and don’t compare.
“If you were given the choice of anything in the world to do, what would it be? If your answer is not what you’re currently doing, Why not? Are you passionate about this one thing or do you just kind of like it?”
“The requirement for concentration is what sets deliberate practice apart from both mindless routine performance and playful engagement. While hard work is instrumental to success, it is simply not enough.”
“Start noticing when you’re replaying that horrible scene for the 3rd or 300th time and see if you can observe yourself watching it. See yourself third row from back in a theater, watching your movie. And then ask yourself, is this really the movie we want to watch again?”
The point is to get in touch with something that makes you feel great, but not to let yourself starve or be stopped by a fear that you’ll fail, by a fear that it can’t be done.
“Give yourself the emotional permission to spend time on those things today that will create more time tomorrow. Remember, this is like planting seeds.” - Rory Vaden, Procrastinate On Purpose
“We may not all be likely to climb into a burning vehicle to save an accident victim, but each of us has the potential to face down our own psychological demons, overcome them, and get on with the business of living.” - Robert Biswas-Diener.
“Winning is never impossible - just look at the sports page of the newspaper. Every day, in every city in America, you can pick up a sports page and read about something that happened the day before that was not supposed to happen.”
Outperform your contract. Don’t do something until you get it right, do it until you cannot get it wrong. Are you willing to give up what you want now for what you want most later?
So the energy that you’re bringing, is it contagious? Of course it is. The question is is it worth catching? Or is it worth avoiding?
“When visualizing, one starts by imagining and accepting all the sensations and emotions of a competition - the smell of freshly cut grass, the touch of the wind and the trees and the sun or rain, to deafening crowd noise or silence, and the butterflies (that feel more like bees or hornets).”
It was the great Vince Lombardi, Jr. that said “gentleman, we will chase perfection, and we will chase it relentlessly, knowing all the while we can never attain it. But along the way, we shall catch excellence.”
“I believe that we are at our best when we are not even considering ourselves in life. During my best days, I don’t even think about or consider myself because I’m too busy working and helping other people.” - Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search For Meaning
Achieving inner excellence is a process. Building mental muscle, like building physical muscle, requires time and effort. So be patient. And this much I will tell you. The more you work on the inside, the more it will show on the outside. People cannot read your mind but they can read your body language.
“Humility is born of respect. Respect for what we do not know. Respect for what we cannot readily see. But out of this humble approach to life, we are more likely to appreciate the beauty that surrounds us, more likely to gaze into a microscope or peer at the stars and be awed, more likely to be inspired by little acts of kindness.” - Admiral William H. McRaven (United States Navy Retired).
We do what we think we can do. We don’t attempt what we think we are incapable of. But we can change that if we’re willing to question and challenge these long held beliefs. This is what I want for you.
“Success is not about never failing. It’s about knowing that when we do inevitably fail and get knocked down and bloodied, it’s all about knowing you have the mojo to get back up.”
“Helping others can provide us with enthusiasm, encouragement, and even joy by forcing us to summon them when we’re feeling discouraged. If one lights a fire for others, one will brighten one’s own way.” This is what I want for you.
Going to a seminar once or twice a year is a waste of your time and money if what you learn is not put into practice every day. If it’s not put into practice every day, you don’t see the meaningful change and when you don’t see any meaningful change, guess what, in a blanket statement people say ‘training doesn’t work.’
“The most certain way to ensure failure in this world of ours is to try to please everyone.”
Give yourself permission to disappoint some people. This gives you the freedom to say ‘no’ to certain requests and give a big ‘yes’ to others. You can never please everyone and you should stop even trying to.
Quite a number of job applications ask for your hard and soft skills. So in this episode, let’s break it down exactly what the skills are and how understanding how they are wildly different can give you an advantage when you land that interview.
Unlock your potential and make adversity your advantage by developing an elite mindset. Become a machine of consistency by establishing the right performance routines and habits of excellence. Get clarity on who you are, what you want and discover the behaviors you must start and stop to get results you’ve been lacking.
In my own experience, a deep breath is always a good first reaction to a first report. Try to let the potato cool a bit before you pick it up. - General Collin L Powell.
“Every day you rewrite the story of my future. Interestingly, we are not consciously aware that we are creating a fictitious story and acting as if it were non-fiction. We trick ourselves into believing something that is fabricated because our mind doesn’t realize we invented it.”
Today, every worthy challenge will inspire some fear. Today, excellence is difficult. An excuse is seductive. Choose excellence. I know it’s hard. Choose excellence anyway.
“The athlete tells us he’s giving it 110%, and the businessman informs us that he works 80 hours a week. We’re supposed to be impressed, but I’m not. I feel sorry for them. Although effort is important, it isn’t the most important thing.” - Dr. Stan Beecham, Elite Minds
“I’m not saying you should call every person in your bloated directory. I’m talking about the friend who is on speed dial and earned royalty status on your favorites folder on your phone. That one.”
“When you cut yourself, your body will try to heal - whether you acknowledge your body or not. Psychological wounds are different. You cannot begin psychological healing until you acknowledge and describe your pain, because self-invalidation cuts even deeper.”
“Focusing on our passion might inspire us to quit our jobs but if we want to pay the bills and flourish over the long run, we need to shift our focus to getting really good at creating value that people will pay for.” - Cal Newport, So good they can’t ignore you.
Setbacks are your opportunity to bounce back - to make a comeback! I’m convinced that nobody is ever down and out; they’re just plotting a comeback.
“This less-than-optimal performance doesn’t merely reflect a random fluctuation and skill level. We all have performance ups and downs. This choke occurs in response to a highly stressful situation. It’s when you or an individual athlete, actor, musician or student perform worse than what you have done in the past.” - Sian Beilock, Choke.
“Just another cold, dark night on the side of Everest is a way to remember the paradox of stress. The most meaningful challenges in your life will come with a few dark nights.” - Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress.
To learn resilience, children must be exposed to hardship. If they don’t meet hardship early, they’ll certainly find it later. And if they haven’t built a habit of resilience and earn some self-respect by then, the adult pain they meet probably won’t strengthen them. It will likely overwhelm them.
One race, four new records. In total, 13 men ran personal bests that evening in the 10,000 meters, and all can tell the story of how they ran in one of the fastest and best 10,000 meter races in the history of track. That night, 13 men got to say, “I am a winner“.
Ultimately we need to know that life is a precious gift. We’re blessed with an opportunity to see just how good we can be at something we love doing. We get to have a ball for many years seeing how many wonderful things we can do with our lives. We may or may not win the external prizes, but when we live like that, we win the ultimate prize: peace of mind. - Bob Rotella, How Champions Think
“Your brain is your software, your body the hardware. Simply put, your body does what your brain tells it to do or what your brain thinks your body is capable of doing.” - Dr. Stan Beecham, Elite Minds
“How many people have put off the necessary, unglamorous work of building habits because they spend their lives waiting for a sign, an epiphany that never comes? Don’t wait. Don’t wait a single day. Live.” - Eric Greitens, Resilience
“We all love a good cowboy movie, and we always cheer when the underdog defeats the perennial powerhouse. But the good guy gets there only because they had a team helping them every step of the way.”
The best team doesn’t always win. The team that plays best always wins. Even the All-Star has a bad night, and the nobody can become a Somebody.
You’ll ask yourself how you got so mentally weak. Admitting the problem is the first step to recovery. Identify your problem, rebuild your strength, hone your killer instinct, and head back into the arena. Get out of your head. Keep going forward, keep climbing. There are more things for you to do. The message is clear the only way you can fail is to give up.
“You can’t follow someone else’s path and get there. There is no checklist for success - no map, no GPS, no guarantees, nothing. You have to cut your own path in the woods. Fear is the thing that will keep you from doing it. Just go. Fear not. And get yourself lost in your pursuit of success.” - Dr. Stan Beecham, Elite Minds.
“Be careful” is the worst advice you can give someone who is trying to do something great.” - Dr. Stan Beecham, Elite Minds.
“Walking all at once brings mechanical stimulation all at once. Walking uses a greater number of muscles (when done naturally) than most other activities, which means taking yourself for a walk is like taking your cells out to eat.
“This silent sleep loss epidemic is the greatest public health challenge we face in the 21st Century in developed nations. A radical shift in our personal, cultural, professional, and societal appreciation of sleep must occur.”
“There are many ways to find meaning and purpose. One is to establish a metric by which our life will be judged and, from today, to resolve to live each day in such a way that our life will be graded a success.” - Sonja Lyubomirsky
I will do my very best to succeed while simultaneously accepting that the ultimate outcome is beyond my direct control. Deo Volente.
“The stonecutter pounds the rock again and again and again and again. Nothing happens for the first 100 blows. Then the stone cracks. Was it the 101st strike or all the preceding? Work hard. Pound the rock.” - Carol Dweck
“Consider what the trainers of boys do. Has a boy fallen? ‘Rise’, they say, and wrestle again until you become strong.’ You should also do something like this. For you can be confident that nothing is more trainable than the human soul.” - Epictetus
“Imagine what would happen if, every morning before driving to work you took a scoop of gravel and threw it into the cars crankcase. What would happen? That fine engine would soon be a mess, unable to do what you want it to do. Same with our brains.
“Gratitude has one of the strongest links to mental health and satisfaction with life of any personal trait - more so than even optimism, hope, or compassion. Grateful people experience higher levels of positive emotions such as joy, enthusiasm, love, happiness, and optimism, and gratitude as a discipline protects us from the destructive impulses of envy, resentment, greed, and bitterness.”
“As Edison tells us, genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. We are seduced into believing the myth of genius being a flash of insight with the outcome easily falling into the hands of its creator. But that’s not how it works.”
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. - Calvin Coolidge
“Your purpose is fuel for your internal engine. It’s what gives you direction and keeps you moving forward. The more purpose you inject into your life, the brighter your internal spark will burn, the longer you will live, and the more productive you will be while you’re alive.”
“We can either try to tape it up and glue it back together and remain forever fragile in the process or we can recognize that we can never go back to where it was but we can choose to use those beautiful pieces to make something new.”
Anti-depressants aren’t getting to the source of the problem and putting out the fire. They are, in a sense, poorly constructed Band-Aids over cuts that won’t heal.
“If you can’t conceive of things that don’t exist, you can’t create anything new. If you can’t dream up worlds that might be, then you are limited to the worlds other people describe.” - Robert S. Root-Bernstein and Michele M. Root-Bernstein, Sparks of Genius
We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential.
“Successful people adhere to a ‘no exceptions rule’ when it comes to their daily disciplines. Once you make a 100% commitment to some thing, there are no exceptions. It’s a done deal. Non-negotiable. Case closed! Over and out.”
Don’t obsess about the outcomes; get passionate about the process. Quit obsessing about whether or not you’re going to get the outcome you want. That’s a great way to diminish your confidence. Get FIRED UP about what you’re going to DO in pursuit of your big dreams. That’s a great way to build your confidence.
There is something about the trust we develop in ourselves that comes from the repetition of the mundane that makes us anti-fragile. If you want to change your life and maybe the world start off by making your bed! Let’s get to work.
“Create your authentic voice by focusing on three key things: Articulating our identity of who we are. Creating a vision of where we’re headed. Mapping out our path of mastery on how we’ll get there.” - Todd Henry, Louder Than Words
We have an extremely finite amount of time to do everything we will ever do. Every wasted day is gone forever. Everyone you know will be dead someday and even the greatest among us will see their legacy fade to nothingness, and even if it were to remain for all time, what difference would it be to you? You’ll be dead.
“Every moment of our waking life we face choices whose cumulative effect on us is just as great, if not greater, than the effect of the big decisions.”
Who are you? What gives you great joy? What are you good at? Where do those intersect? And Act. Your vocation is the place where your great joy meets the worlds great need. What can you do now to start serving more and learning more about who you are and how you’ll best give your gifts to the world?
“Taking control of your body language is not just about posing in a powerful way. It’s also about the fact that we pose in a powerless way much more often than we think - and we need to change that. - Amy Cuddy, Presence
Your family, your friends, everyone you know and who know you, generations to come will read about you from this definitive record of your life. A record that cannot ever be edited, modified, changed, or corrected. Now it’s your turn.
What do you do every day is going to compound over time and lead to results. Be someone that sets small goals and gets impressive results instead of having really big goals and gets no results. Don’t be a dreamer. Be a goal crusher.
“If your game is 90% mental, what percentage of your time and money have you spent learning mental skills? The answer you’ll hear most often is 5 to 10%. Now that just doesn’t make sense. The thing that is most important is the thing that we tend to ignore.”
“We take action then we feel confident. Not the other way around. If we only do things when we feel confident, we’re not going to do a whole lot with our lives.” This episode especially dedicated to Dr. Russ Harris and his wonderful book, The Confidence Gap.
“Identify in your day where should your 86,400 seconds go so that you can make sure you’re playing offense?”
“You are arranging with lies and fortune’s control, and abandoning with lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.”
“You have to master the one who throws obstacles in your way. Master yourself. Only in taking responsibility is where you find freedom and power.”
“Instead of believing the world was plotting to do him harm, he chose to believe the world was plotting to do him good. Instead of seeing every difficult or challenging event as negative, he saw it for what it could be.”
With a growth mindset, we embrace challenging opportunities because we know that we can only reach our highest potential by consistently playing at our edges and that the only failure is not really going for it and learning along the way. The distinction between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset is huge.
“Now is the only time. How we relate to it creates the future. In other words, if we’re going to be more cheerful in the future, it’s because of our aspiration and exertion to be cheerful in the present. What we do accumulates; future is the result of what we do now.”
It is so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small improvements on a daily basis. Too often, we convince ourselves that massive success requires massive action.
Today were talking about the goals burning inside of you. That was quite the week you had. I’ll be the first to say enjoy the win. Celebrate the victory. And good on ya. But somewhere deep down inside, you know one thing is for sure. It is never finished.
“As you reflect and you refocus you can refine and upgrade your behavior. And as you refine and upgrade your behavior, you will refine an upgrade what it is you achieve, because it’s your behaviors that determine what you achieve.”
“Our propensity for action stems from our need to be in control. By taking action, we feel as though we’re actually doing something to forward ourselves or to better our situation. Actively doing something makes us feel as though we have the capacity to change things, while doing nothing makes us feel like we’ve given up, and we’ve accepted that we can do nothing more.”
“The majority of people are ready to throw their aims and purposes overboard, and give up at the first sign of opposition or misfortune. A few carry on despite all opposition, until they attain their goal. There may be no heroic connotation to the word ‘persistence,’ but the quality is to the character of man what carbon is to steel.” -Jeff Olson, The slight Edge
“One of the quickest and most direct routes to getting yourself up and onto the success curve is to get out of the past. Review the past, but only for the purpose of making a better plan. - Jeff Olson.
What is holding you back from living a life that you love? Is it fear? Most of us are hindered by fear in one way or another, but it doesn’t have to control your life. You could learn to conquer your fear and create a life worth living. Just take the first step just start.
Is watching Netflix and having a bottle of wine every night helping you close the gap from where you are to where you want to be?
The truth is sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves and not what happens around us. If you don't want to continue taking punches from life, it's time to get up and start fighting back! Fight back!
Take control of your own happiness and find ways to love yourself again.
“ I found good men and women wherever I went on my journey through life. I strived to be as good as they were, as good as I could be, so in the end, those that knew me would be proud to call me their friend. All I ever wanted was to be a good man.”
This episode is especially dedicated to the courage of Viktor Frankl who wrote a book entitled Man’s Search For Meaning. And for teaching me the importance of having a mission in life and that as we serve something bigger than ourselves, our happiness and success will follow.
“Don’t expect the time in your life when you’ll be free from change, free from struggle, free from worry. To be resilient, you must understand that your objective is not to come to rest, because there is no rest. Your objective is to use what hits you to change your trajectory in a positive direction.”
“What are you telling yourself is impossible? My hunch is it’s a heck of a lot more doable than riding your bike to the Himalayas, hopping off and ascending Everest without any assistance. Oh, and then riding back home.”
This episode is especially dedicated to Barry Michels and Phil Stutz who wrote a book entitled, The Tools. For their wisdom in teaching me the character difference between Consumer and Creator. I am both humbled and grateful.
This episode is especially dedicated to Harry Dorfman, one of the world’s leading mental training experts who wrote Coaching The Mental Game -
For his wisdom on optimizing our relationships with others and recognizing that I am not 100% right about anything. I am forever grateful.
Competition holds the promise to bring out the very best in us, and that’s why we should seek it out. The word comes from the Latin root peto, which means ‘to go out and seek.’ The prefix com means ‘with’ or ‘together.’ Thus, competition is a social process that requires others. You can’t do it by yourself.
To be fully engaged in an activity means to be present in this moment and in what you are doing right now. It also means to be completely content in that experience. There is no anxiousness about or sense of longing for the future, and there is no regret about the past.
Imagine that. The greatest players on the greatest team ever after a big win. They celebrate with family and press, they reflect on the hard work that got them there and the hard work ahead.
Then they sweep.
“It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out; it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” ―Robert W. Service
When my son went off to college and then after one year enlisted in the United States Navy. Between care packages and letters I don’t think there was ever a lack. There were letters that I wrote. Letters I didn’t write. And letters I had wished I had written. No I don’t think it’s too late. The recording of this episode and all episodes go into Time in a bottle. This is that letter.
It felt like something was nearing its end. I had this feeling. A premonition that someone was about to decide that my time was up. After 21 years with the company, what did I need to be overly concerned about?
Taking your dog on an extra long walk today or listening to some of your favorite music--whatever brings you joy, indulge yourself (because after all, "you deserve" what makes you happy!). You'll be glad you did when everything starts looking brighter again.
The struggle against an obstacle inevitably propels the fighter to a new level of functioning. The extent of the struggle determines the extent of the growth. The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this.
My parents were not the cheerleader-type, and they never attended my games. They probably doubted I was any good or would amount to anything. As I got older, my competitive spirit led me to specialize in a few sports and to focus on becoming the best player that I could be. And now, as a certified Tennis professional and competitor, doubt still fuels me.
Today let go of old thoughts and beliefs about yourself so that they don’t hold down all the good things coming into your life soon enough.
So take care in who you decide to share your secrets with because at some point they may become necessary pieces for someone else's puzzle- but only if you're willing to give them up willingly without fear or reservation.
“Fulfillment is a journey, one that infinitely unfolds as a great gift from life itself. You don’t want to just find your best life, you want to live it, be active in it, explore it, enjoy it. Those are active states, not stagnant answers. It all happens as a result of not only taking steps forward, but continuing to take steps forward. Not finding a single answer, but continuing to explore and enjoy answers. So you must be active in your own life.”
When you find some thing that excites you and inspires you it is worth the struggle. It’s in the refinement, simplification that we find clarity, peace of mind because it’s not about doing what doesn’t excite or playing a role which isn’t yours to play. Find your passion and be true to yourself.
Hope is the strongest force in the universe. With hope you can endure anything. Without it, you are destined to a life of fear and despair.
So when your arms shake and the voice in your head screams. And your thoughts beg you to stop and your mind starts to rationalize the possibility of surrender. Remember that big things are broken into little things. Minutes are merely seconds, mountains are merely rocks and success is simply hanging on when others would be letting go.
Get rid of safety at the expense of progress. Life has only begun. And right now the only action that's required is that you close your eyes and you see the possibility. Nothing else. You create what's in front of you, you put it there, it’s your narrative.
There will never be a moment in your life more precious than the one you're living in, your heart beating in your chest, the air in your lungs, the blood in your veins. They're giving you an opportunity to make a change to become who you want to become, to live, to inspire, to achieve. Inspiration source: John C. Maxwell, The Power Of Significance. Thank you for mentoring me. These are your words that I’m living and speaking.
So let me ask you, is maintaining individuality that scary, that you’d live everyday unfulfilled so that you can proudly proclaim that you fit into the bland average norms that you've decided are required of you?
One of the challenges today is that we receive constant messaging about what’s wrong, what we need to fix and change, and anything else that might be potentially threatening to our safety, whether it’s real or imagined.
Scarcity thinking is all about me. It says, “there’s not enough to go around. I had better get something for myself and hold on to it with all I have”.
We are all connected. Our actions matter. Our words matter. How can you co-create the world around you today? What loving action can you take right now, to care for others around you, to make their lives better? What can you do to appreciate and show gratitude for those who have supported you? Who continue to believe in you for the rest of your life?
Let me ask you this, what if your purpose and your gift was to share how you changed your life, and help others change theirs? Offer the inspiration of your story, the usefulness of the details of your change, and your compassion to others who were struggling in the same way.
Discovering this purpose was powerfully moving for me. I was energized, and poured myself into it.
The greatest piece of news that I can give you is that you are hopelessly average. That was where you started. But it doesn't have to be where you stay. You can become anything you want to be but you’ve got to put in that inhuman amount of work to improve.
Are you willing to stare nakedly at your inadequacies and be willing to push through them? You can't pretend. You've got to really look at your results and see if you're making the progress that you want to make and that's where a lot of people fail. They lie to themselves. They want to get away with something. They want to see if anybody's looking but the reality is the only thing that matters in this life - What do you think about yourself when you're by yourself?
Because you don’t need to change the world, you need to change the way you see it. And you don't need to change who you are. You need to change the imaginary shackles you placed around your ankles that are limiting the heights you could reach.
Wayne Dyer said “Don't die with music still in you. “
Don't live with regrets.
Follow your heart more than your head.
Follow your intuition more than expectations of others.
Love more than you judge.
Hug more than you hate.
Praise more than you blame.
Be open to things beyond your level of understanding.
Detach from the outcome and trust everything will work out exactly how it is intended.
Maybe not exactly as you planned as a human being, but perfectly for the evolution of you as a spiritual being.
When we take risks and open up about our vulnerabilities, what is there to lose? We risk losing the opportunity for greatness. Our vulnerability may make us feel vulnerable but it's worth it if we can be seen as a "great one." Don’t just take the first step into an unknown future--but rather walk confidently with your head held high because of all that has been accomplished along the way.
“So when I’m going through my routine do not be fooled by what I’m saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say.”
What’s your one thing? What do you have the potential to do better than anything else? Do you have a sense of what that is?
This episode is not about Jocko Willink. It’s about what he said in a speech that he gave as the United States celebrated Memorial Day. And as Americans celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday, I chose to share that incredible speech that he gave. A speech of gratitude.
I was at the epicenter of American tennis and all I could think of was this 12 year old boy hitting a ball that barely bounced for hours against the wall. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest.
Do you ever feel like something is missing in your life? Like you're not living up to your full potential or that there's a big goal out there that you should be pursuing, but for some reason you can't seem to find the motivation to go after it. If this sounds familiar, I want to let you know that I've been exactly where you are and I understand how frustrating this feeling can be.
Do what you can where you are with what you have. It will lead you to exactly where you need to be. Even if you don’t trust the road before you, trust yourself to walk down it.
Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. Life‘s not easy. It is not. Don’t try to make it that way. Life‘s not fair. It never was. It isn’t now and it won’t ever be. Do not fall into the trap, the entitlement trap of feeling like you’re a victim. You are not. Get over it. Get on with it.
Stop giving ourselves away to people who cannot receive us, and who cannot love us in return. The healthier and more whole we become, there are simply some relationships that cannot rise and meet us where we are today, or even join us in the direction we are moving.
In all of these cases, and more, our minds are fixed in a certain viewpoint, and we often judge others. We complain. We are attached to what we want and what we don’t want. It leads to stress. Unhappiness. Anger. Righteousness. Being judgmental. Distancing ourselves from others. Trust me. I’ve been through most of these.
By and large, people are looking in the wrong places. They are looking for a big break, that lucky breakthrough, the amazing “quantum leap” everyone keeps talking about. I call it the philosophy of the craps table and roulette wheel, and I don’t believe they’ll ever find it. I’ve seen an awful lot of remarkable successes and colossal failures up close, and in my experience, neither one happens in quantum leaps or “breaks,” whether the lucky or unlucky kind. They happen through the slight edge.
there will always be doubters skeptics and cynics as Aristotle says there is one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing, but the beauty is that these voices have one thing in common. And that's the irrelevance because there's one voice that matters and the writing of your story.
Here’s this person who is complaining, negative, critical, and they are in your life. Perhaps they’re a loved one, and you care about them. In truth, this person is hurting. And you know what it’s like to hurt like this … because you are hurting right now in very much the same way.
Over and over, throughout the day, we make the Hundred Little Decisions: to work on this, to check email, to go to this website, to respond to messages, to grab a bite to eat, to meditate or exercise or do yoga or have tea or watch a video or push into deep purpose.
The Hundred Little Decision shape our day. They determine whether we’ve had a day of focus and calm and meaningful work, or distraction and procrastination. It turns out, we can train ourselves at the decision point. When we have one of the Hundred Little Decisions come up, we can train how we’d like to respond.
If I could have picked an older brother in this world, I would have picked Charley. He was a kind and gentle soul. I only wish I had a chance to say goodbye.
As Tolstoy said “everyone wants to change the world but no one thinks of changing himself.” You're capable of being both your greatest adversary and ally, so choose wisely. Because the world around you will do nothing more than respond accordingly to your decision.
It’s hard to walk away from the faint murmur stating hey this was your home how dare you leave it? But those words, they have status quo in mind, not growth and know what else? Home, it’s an idea you take with you. It’s no set of parameters just go.
Zion Health
Maybe the worst part about our exorbitant health care spending is that so many people still have little or no coverage. About 29 million Americans had no health insurance in 2019 and that number is rising.
About 45% of Americans ages 19-64 are underinsured, meaning their out-of-pocket costs are so high they’re unaffordable.
Even more alarming: 1 in 6 Americans have medical debt in collections. For Americans of color who have medical debt collections, the number is 1 in 5.
I suggest checking out a truly viable alternative to traditional health insurance, go to Zion Health and tell them you heard it on The Resilience Podcast.
Zion Health is a nonprofit health share. In essence, each member contributes monthly towards a pool of money, which is used to help pay for the large medical expenses of the Zion Health Community. It could work for you, your family, your business and your employees.
The late Jack Buck, revered voice of the St. Louis Cardinals, read a poem that he wrote, at the pregame ceremony. It was the only way this veteran of World War II and recipient of a Purple Heart after being wounded in action in Germany, felt he could respond to the dastardly terrorist attacks when everyone in the United States was horrified as one.
“The less you talk, the more people listen. Don’t be the person who is always talking. Speak when you need to, but don’t talk just to talk. - Jocko Willink
Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and whenever you think negatively, just snap the rubber band. You will feel the pain, and you will train your mind not to think that way anymore. It is a great method to remind yourself with every snap that you replace a negative thought with something positive.
No one stumbles upon significance. We have to be intentional about making our lives matter. That calls for action—and not excuses. Most people don’t know this, but it’s easier to go from failure to success than from excuses to success.
How many revolutionary ideas were never brought into existence? How many dreams were discarded and deemed impossible before they even had a chance? It’s a question we'll never know the answer to because there never was a beginning. There never was a start.
There's a realization that goes hand in hand with anything you could ever want, and it’s that nothing in life is simply deserved - success has never been about entitlement or what you feel is owed to you. It's about what you take - see every cause has an effect, every journey has its milestones and every victory has a beginning.
But since I brought up entitlement, I’m going to dig into that further in this episode.
Our comfort zone is where we go to recharge in an ever-changing world. "It's our place of reprieve, where we can conserve our energy and not have to figure anything out.”
If we’re ever hurt, we blame the other person for hurting us. If they aren’t there for us, we blame them. If something bad happens to us, we become victims, because you can’t move on with your life if someone has done something bad to you, right?
However, there is a solution.
We have to learn this: Happiness is not outside ourselves.
Anyone who lived through high school gym class knows the anxiety of being picked last for the dodgeball team. The same hurt feelings bubble up when you are excluded from lunch with co-workers, fail to land the job you interviewed for or are dumped by a romantic partner.
Rejection feels lousy.
“I’ve wanted to go to the Olympics since London 2012. I was 11 then, so I’ve been dreaming of these Games for nine long years. My tears fell because it felt like I had wasted my time. There was no consoling me in those lonely moments.”
Instead, let’s just make a decision, and move on. Let go of the stress about whether it’s the right choice (there’s no such thing) and instead deal with whatever consequences we face. And learn to trust that we’ll be OK.
In his latest book, The Hero Code, Lessons Learned From Lives Well Lived - he talks about the hero in all of us and how it’s woven in our DNA. The year was 1963 when he was traveling with his father in New York City. Have a listen.
Adrenaline a.k.a Epinephrine is a chemical that increases the heart rate and blood pressure and so during say a Tennis tournament that you played over the weekend and lost maybe badly? our hearts beat faster because basically we're striving to get to the Finals, get the achievement and if we lose, we get angry at the player whose got the achievements. I can tell that I’m getting much better at dealing with my losses. How? I did not waste a single second, I signed up for another tournament and back up on the horse I go.
I realize there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.
Once you realize you deserve a bright future, letting go of your dark past is the best choice you will ever make.
Habit resilience is the ability to bounce back when things don’t go as you planned, to stay positive, to encourage yourself, to forgive yourself, to be loving and compassionate with yourself, to shake it off and start again afresh. To learn and grow from struggles.
When going into battle, the wisest general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the enemy without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative self-image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself.
We have to be willing to operate with inadequate resources, trusting that, you know they'll be picked up along the way. And that's a lot to take in. It's painful to know that others are going to have knowledge and skills and competencies that you wont.
I am genuinely curious - What it would be like for you? You work hard, you fall short, and you don’t feel bad about it. You just keep trying your best. You keep failing, but see it as learning and growth. You keep deviating from your plan, but don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with you.
Never doubt yourself or your gift. Or the things that set you apart. You don't need everyone else to believe in them. You just need to convince yourself, everything else it falls right into place.
There isn’t a single one of us who has overcome the human condition of self doubt. Whether you’re a supremely confident person, a successful anything or anyone … it doesn’t matter. You have doubts about yourself.
For someone who doesn’t see a lot of possibilities, sometimes a choice is easy — you just choose the one that looks obvious.
But for someone who has an abundance of intelligence, there are many more doors than that. And choosing can seem impossible. So this person starts creating a decision tree in their mind: “If I choose this, then this might happen, which means I need to decide if I want this, and then that might happen … but then this other option brings three more decisions …”
You don’t need goals to tell you what to do. You know what to do. You’re excited about doing it already — you just need to focus, and get to it.
“Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it's a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.”
I didn’t have any clarity on what I wanted or what I needed to do. This lack of clarity is felt in all of us very deeply, so that it shows up in how we talk, how we hold ourselves, how other people feel about us. It affects our relationships, our jobs, our health.
“That would be a huge missed opportunity, and that’s exactly what we’re doing each day we pass up the opportunity of being human without thought.
What kind of opportunities does being human bring us?”
One thing I’ve learned about myself in the last year or so is how much I shut down what I want. Somehow the world taught me that what I want is not acceptable, that I should only want what seems reasonable, doable, or won’t inconvenience others.
Can you remember a time when you were filled with an overwhelming sensation of fear, and an overwhelming sensation of joy?
I’ll go. It was snowing rather heavily that morning Feb. 1997 in Great Barrington, MA. 6:07am to be exact when this very kind nurse turned to me and asked if I wanted to hold him and then proceeded to place this miracle gift of my newborn son in my shaky hands.
Take a look at the targets that you've set. Don't waste time asking yourself whether there's something greater, there is. Ask yourself if you're willing to step up to move outside your comfort zone and get it.
In her book, Saving Fish from Drowning, Amy Tan writes:
You remember only what you want to remember. You know only what your heart allows you to know.
“Friends come into our lives and friends leave our lives. But friends never leave our hearts. And best friends always get to stay in the best places in our hearts.”
Son, you’re YOU for a reason. Your strengths, passions exist for a reason. Don't let them take a backseat to life. Instead, make them the driver. Allow your thoughts, your time, your day to revolve around your true self and what brings you happiness.
“When we create, we tap into something powerful inside us. We don’t control this energy as much as we channel it. The strength of this creative force in every human being is undeniable—I’ve seen it unleashed too many times to think otherwise. You have this power humming inside of you right now, whether you know it or not.” - Chase Jarvis
It’s Not a Problem, It’s an Experience.
“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~Pema Chodron
The biggest reason people fail at creating and sticking to new habits is that they don’t keep doing it.
That seems obvious: if you don’t keep doing a habit, it won’t really become a habit. So what’s the solution to this obvious problem? Find a way to keep doing it.
Mental illness is the “big secret.” It’s the public health crisis most people want to ignore. Men, women and children of all ages, races, faiths and economic levels suffer from it. They hope it goes away. And, they hide it because of widely held misunderstandings that surround those with mental health diseases.
The key is patience: we need to take the long view.
The problem that most of us have is that we want results right away. When we don’t get those magical results, we lose patience. We lose hope. We quit. And of course, that means we never actually get any meaningful results.
As we get older, failure is not so inconsequential anymore. What’s at stake is not some arbitrary grade or intramural sports trophy, but the quality of your life and your ability to deal with the world around you.
To that I say, Don’t let that intimidate you, though. You have the best teachers in the world: the wisest philosophers who ever lived. And not only are you capable, the professor you had in College all they were asking was for something very simple: just begin the work. The rest follows.
As Seneca wrote in “The Shortness of Life”, “Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: It snatches away each day as it comes and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today…The whole future lies in uncertainty: Live immediately.”
So for me, I try to notice when I have an expectation that I be in the mood, or that the thing be easy, fun, or comfortable. Just noticing the expectation allows me to choose.
Once I’m in a place where I can choose … I can decide that actually, it’s not just “fine” that I do things that are uncomfortable when I’m not in the mood … in fact, it’s an experience I choose to practice with.
As a parent and as a father, I have come to believe and accept that what our children deserve is an authentic story…their story. One they believe in. It might take them several attempts at different opportunities. And what is the risk to you? They might fail.
You should respond with encouragement and affirmation, because if we script their lives, they will never identify the inner passion which gives them the self-stamina to drive through adversity. They need to be allowed to stumble, yet recognize with perseverance they will eventually find their way.
I'm not asking you to imagine or live a life of make believe. I'm reminding you of what you already know exists behind those clouds, better days, your solution your victory. I'm asking you to look to precedent.
Because every day leading up to now has had its adversity. The road to the current moment was paved with pain, trials and tribulations and what you've done every day until now is figure it out, find a way.
Let go of attachments to what you’ve been doing for the past year, or years. Let go of failures. Let go of fears you’ve built up. Let go of reluctance. Let go of your ideas about what your life has to be like, because that’s the way it’s evolved so far. Let go of long-held beliefs and habits.
You have a fresh start. Let go of last year, and start anew.
You have to first believe you are. Believe that your capabilities and talents stretch far beyond what is right in front of you - believe that possibilities are limitless. And you will see the world transformed right in front of you. It will be an incredible sight to see.
The Southern Poverty Law Center released its annual “Year in Hate and Extremism” report, identifying 838 active hate groups across the United States in 2020.
I condemn what happened in Atlanta. I condemn all these hate groups. This is not what this episode is going to be about. I prefer to talk about the extreme opposite.
Last week, someone that my family has come to trust immensely that works with a number of Military Veterans on Traumatic Brain Injuries and PTSD said, “I want your son and your wife to understand what is possible here. In my experience, this is where hope begins”. 21 words at a time when my family needed to hear it most.
If change is the only constant, then these words ring true.
Our old lives are gone, and the new world has not been created yet. We’re in an in between state right now, and this can feel really shaky for a lot of us.
Many years ago, when my parents passed away in the Philippines, I was 8400 miles away living in MA and PA when I received the dreaded phone call. In many respects, it felt like I died alone in my grief, in my loss. Twice.
In this chaotic world, we worry, we avoid, we try so hard to “do it right.”
At the heart of it, all of that worry and anxiety is because we cannot trust.
We don’t trust others: we judge them and try to tell them how to live their lives, we get frustrated with them when they don’t do things the way we think they should.
We don’t trust ourselves: we avoid saying things because we don’t think we can handle it if they get upset, we try to get things just right because we don’t think we can handle failure or being judged.
We don’t trust the world, so we’re constantly anxious about it all.
I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with that — we’re human. We’re wired to see threats everywhere.
But what would it be like to practice trust?
I posted something on LinkedIn today that read, “It is our moral failure that we still tolerate racism”.
Yesterday, I posted this: “Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you”.
And the day before that I posted this: “Don’t talk, just act. Don’t say, just show. Don’t promise, just prove”.
In more ways than one, they’re all connected. It wasn’t my intention though.
The great state of Texas got hit with freezing temperatures and snow last week. There were some counties that reached a low of negative 19 degrees Fahrenheit. That's when the power went out and millions of people got cut off from their electricity in their heat. Water systems in over 140 counties got compromised. And dozens have died, that we know of so far from hypothermia from carbon monoxide poisoning. This was predicted. It was preventable.
Why is it that our greatest accomplishments come when our backs are to the wall? Our greatest acquisitions, after losing something dear to us, why is it that we find ourselves in our way only after being lost?
In this episode, you will hear the phrase “dropping self-concern” a lot. I guess the modern day version would be “get over yourself, it’s not all about you”.
There’s a mindfulness technique I’ve been practicing for a number of years now, and when I can do it, it’s like magic.
So I’m reading this article entitled “33 Daily Habits highly successful people have (and the rest of us probably don’t)”. I swear that’s the complete title. On the one hand I’m ecstatic for these folks that on a daily basis they surround themselves with positive people, they never give up, they keep a daily journal, they check their pride at the door, they remove fear as a barrier, they unplug without a device, they put in extra effort to stay organized, and so on.
What happens when they miss a day or two or three? When they fail at habits repeatedly. I’m intrigued with this topic of habits because I’m such a ritual kind of a guy myself so I do understand why its important to have self-discipline whether you’re at work or competing in sports.
It feels like I’ve been in the Sales profession all my life. And then it dawned on me that what if, just what if, one day my son asked me about Selling, what I thought of it, is it difficult, can anyone learn it? What advice could I give him?
While I’m not free of self-doubt these days, I can honestly say I believe in myself like never before. That doesn’t mean I think I’ll never fail or quit: I will. Probably often.
Jan. 19, 2018 a day that is forever etched in my memory. It was the day I got the phone call that my services were no longer needed. Prior to this, I only heard that that’s how these calls go until I experienced it firsthand. After 21 years, my services were no longer needed. That was a little over 3 years ago.
Everyone deals with being afraid. It’s who we are. The difference lies in how we handle it. Quoting Peter McWilliams. He says that fear is a part of life, whether we're bravely overcoming obstacles or hiding away scared, we all still face fear.
I found that the obstacles actually show us the path. The obstacles are the path. We can embrace these obstacles and work with them. In order to do that, we need to start to develop an awareness of when our insecurities are arising. We can use them as a mindfulness bell, ringing when we are troubled by fears and mistrust.
Life is a teacher, and only through its toughest tests can its curriculum be understood. Can its ideas and lessons take shape. What you need exists, so long as you open your eyes.
“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.” - Fernando Pessoa
When I faced my demons. It's not just that I became free of them, they lifted me up. I've been running away from the very pieces that I needed most. This armor is a million mistakes, it's a million tragedies, it’s letdowns and lessons, friendships betrayed, rejection and disappointment but because of them my world is limitless.
Then why is getting lost so important? It's important because you temporarily leave everything you know behind. And for a few short minutes your subconscious understands that life exists beyond the hamster wheel.
It lightens the heart. It shows you that things aren’t insurmountable or impossible. It starts to dissolve the discouragement and sadness and pain. The single step you take today is the antidote to the soul-tearing effects of failure. It helps me, every day.
The current moment will forever be a fresh start, it’s a new beginning. But every so often it's important to look back. It’s necessary to examine the things that have shaped who we are and taught us our most valuable lessons.
See beginning again simply means a new chapter. It means the next adventure. It’s places you've never gone, people you've never met. It's stories untold and dreams still dancing around in your head.
Freedom is not a life without chaos. It’s trusting yourself to determine which dragons you will slay it's not a life without battle, but fighting those battles that result in your liberation dismissing the oppressors that build fences in your mind and chains around your soul - I’ve thought a lot about the idea of a life well lived. What it means, how it feels and it seems to me, it's about intentionality.
“Running out of time” 4 words that one day will have a permanent place in my arm as in tattood forever. I’ve long been infatuated by its powerful reminder that I only have so many days left on earth. I don’t know how many that is, but I do know it’s a very limited number. I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing, a miracle. And that squandering this miracle is a crime, a horrible lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given.
Do we have to make ourselves uncomfortable? Do we have to give more than we normally would? Do we have to be better than we were yesterday. If that answer is yes the vast majority say thank you, but no thank you. And that's
And the best things in life end up being saved for some other time. But the reality is we don't get any younger. Why wouldn't you allocate your time, your effort to the things that make you feel like today is powerful.
In this episode, I explore sleep and share everything I absolutely didn’t know about it. Not even close. See, I’m curious about sleep and know one essential truth about it - I don’t sleep enough. So I poke around and come across information regarding sleep from a brain scientist named Jeff Stibel.
The question is, are you allowing yourself to evolve into the person you were meant to be. Or are you watching the best part of life pass you by. Perhaps waiting for another time to do what you were put on this planet to do.
What if that wonderful moment we’ve been waiting for is this one, right now?
What if this very moment is the most important moment of our lives?
What if we stopped working for something later, and instead started paying full attention to right now?
Empty your mind of preconceived ideas about the activity, and just be curious about what the activity is actually like, right now, as it unfolds. Allow yourself to be surprised.
Treat every object with reverence, as if it were your own eyesight.
When someone comes to talk to you, when your kid tugs on your pant leg for attention, when your spouse or best friend starts speaking, turn to them without distraction, putting everything else away, and give your full attention. Listen.
We're inclined to believe that getting what we want, needs to be some huge production, some monumental shift that I do not agree with that - Success is seeing the big picture. It is hanging on, through the negative, looking past the now. It’s what you don't do.
We are all connected. Our actions matter. Our words matter. How can you co-create the world around you today? What loving action can you take right now, to care of others around you, to make their lives better?
Almost as good is a handwritten thank-you note - the one you would go to the post office to buy a stamp for and mail it— keep it short and sweet. But can you imagine how the recipient would feel upon receiving it in their physical mailbox? It says that they’re special.
When things are up in the air, it can feel like we’re in transition. “Once I get past this pandemic / find a job / recover from illness / … then everything will settle down!”
But here’s the truth: our lives are always in transition. There’s always messiness. There’s always going to be something interrupting our set habits, schedule, routines. There is always disorder. We’ll always feel uncertainty because of all of that chaos.
See the gift in the time that we have. Every day that we have is a huge gift. We get to have this time! We get to use it to make something, to love, to feel joy and laughter, to listen to music, to see nature, to move, to read, to feel. This is incredible! Instead of looking at how little time we have, we can appreciate the time we have as an incredible, powerful gift. Every hour is a tremendous gift. Every moment. Can we see the gift in the time that we have, and appreciate it fully? How would this shift how you feel about your day?
From partisan politics to the surging pandemic, from the fragile economy to the rising unemployment figures. The stress and anxiety is having a negative effect on people’s physical and mental health. This feeling of overwhelm is enough for people to feel that less and less is in their control and question whether they matter and how they matter.
Not all at once but raise your hand if this is you. Some days, you’re just not feeling it. It’s not that you’re exhausted, it’s that you’re not in the mood to do the important task that’s in front of you.
You want to just go to distractions all day long, do anything but this thing you’re resisting.
I get it. I have these days too.
Public speaking is said to be the biggest fear reported by many American adults, topping flying, financial ruin, sickness, and even death.
You may have heard the joke that some people would prefer to be in their own coffins than give a eulogy at a funeral. While this may be an exaggeration, many would agree.
At least once a day, and more often several times a day, I reflect on my day, on my life, on what I’ve been doing right, and what isn’t working. I reflect on every aspect of my life, and from this habit of reflection, I am able to continuously improve.
Reflection is what gave me the impetus to start this podcast. The thought of leaving a lasting legacy for my son while serving in the Navy and how that squared up with my WHY. It lends clarity.
The country I love has a pretty bitter divide between many of its people, and I’ll admit that it often feels hopeless to me. People judging each other, angry and fearful, feeling very little understanding and compassion.
We’re all doing it, and blaming the other side.
Some people love the summertime, others love the cold of the winter. Me? More than anything, I love the changing of the seasons. It really doesn’t matter from what season to another, I love the fact that there’s a certainty, a progress to the year that you can count on almost like nothing else in this world.
Life may not come with a map, but everyone will experience twists and turns, from everyday challenges to traumatic events with more lasting impact, like the death of a loved one, a life-altering accident, or a serious illness. Each change affects people differently, bringing a unique flood of thoughts, strong emotions and uncertainty. Yet people generally adapt well over time to life-changing situations and stressful situations—in part thanks to resilience.
The cherry blossom falls after its short beautiful bloom.
It floats gently down to earth. Its life is over, but the limitedness of its existence is one of the biggest reasons the blossom is so gorgeous. If we knew that the blossom would last forever, it wouldn’t have the same poignant beauty, and we’d take it for granted.
What it means to be a good man, specifically about being a man of good character. I know that I haven’t always been a good man. I’ve done some pretty shitty things in my life and I’ve let some people down, but at the same time I am grateful for my experiences and struggles because they changed my character for the better.
Successful people don't compromise on their standards. They don't settle for less than what they hope to achieve. And they definitely don't put their lives on autopilot. They believe success only comes from intention and action--and so they live that way.
What I’ve been learning is that happiness and contentment and greatness isn’t out there. It’s not where everyone else is, even if it seems like it. You can spend your whole life chasing this happiness, contentment, dreams, greatness, coolness, and never reach it. That’s because it’s right where you are now.
You don’t have a job, no fixed things to do, things are wide open … and that’s scary, but also an advantage. Your schedule is open, and you have immense possibilities.
The way to take advantage of that is to find something to get good at, and then get good at it. As good as you can.
But just like fear and opportunity are one and the same. So are safety and regret - a concession, a wolf in sheep's clothing and they are a lot of things, but they are not YOU.
You won’t be able to understand this letter today, but someday, when you’re ready, I hope you will find some wisdom and value in what I share with you.
You are young, and life has yet to take its toll on you, to throw disappointments and heartaches and loneliness and struggles and pain into your path. You have not been worn down yet by long hours of thankless work, by the slings and arrows of everyday life.
I can’t tell you where the jobs are but i can fire you up at the same time challenge you to see work in a different light. To think of work differently because we cannot afford to see work the same way ever again. Its time to reimagine what we can do and what we’re all about.
I think we all come to a point where we look up and we see no top to the wall we seek to climb. We look down and see the water rising at our feet with every breath - we look to our left and see those who are where we want to be tomorrow and we look to our right, and see the trail of decisions we'd love to take back from yesterday. This is where most create their limiting narrative, where most succumb to the world around them, but most is not ALL.
"Duty, Honor, Country" — those three hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be. They are your rallying point to build courage when courage seems to fail, to regain faith when there seems to be little cause for faith, to create hope when hope becomes forlorn.
This is the story of Unworthiness. And it is fairly universal.
It’s one of my longest-running inner narratives. That I’m not good enough — that I’m somehow unworthy to teach, unworthy to invest time and money on.
I’ve found this is one of the most common inner narratives there is.
Every day there's a specific decision you have to make. It's the first and it's the most important decision. Because from it, you effectively roadmap your destiny.
So what's keeping you from leaping what's keeping you on the ground, it's not money, it's not tech, it's not where you started.
It's your mindset. So change how you see the world around you.
Maybe there are people who struggle and question themselves and doubt the road ahead. No, it must be the past diverged, they took happiness and I took those things we don't say out loud and then there's everyday life when things don't go as planned.
That's the sea we have to cross, the terrain we have to navigate. It’s not the physicality of taking the steps. Anyone can do that - it's believing that you are worthy of the journey, and you have to ask yourself - is it that you can’t become something new, or is it that you can’t, won’t refuse to detach from who you used to be.
Many of us have something that we’d like to change in our lives, but it can be pretty difficult to overcome addictions or strong urges. Jennifer Fox shares her story of addiction, change, forgiveness and making a conscious decision to “just keep moving my feet” towards the finish line of redemption.
As long as your wheels don't stop turning you are never stuck. As long as you're willing to adjust there will never be an end in sight. Until you put a stake in the ground and declare victory.
People struggle because they carry specific instances of failure with them. Right, it's a human response. Emotions play into our decision making. The problem is there are emotions that don't need to be there, they've had their time, they've served their purpose, but now they really don't bring any more value.
Life gives us infinite options. We have an unlimited number of opportunities to do anything we want. Anything. Only that's not always how we see it.
There’s a sense of incompleteness in our lives.
We have felt it since adolescence, at least, if not since early childhood — it’s a feeling that something is wrong with us, that something is missing, or that we’re missing out on something in the world.
It happens to all of us: you are going strong with a project, with learning something new, with a new habit or two … and things go sideways. You get derailed.
This is a critical junction. If you let yourself quit, all your time and effort up until now has been for naught. If you can get back on track, things can be great again.
Many of us just want to get out of the turbulence and pain, want to be free of it, want to find a place of peace. That’s natural, but that’s a rejection of your experience right now, and it’s a huge missed opportunity.
In the 1993 film, A Bronx Tale, a movie about a father that becomes worried when a local gangster befriends his son in the Bronx in the 1960s. Robert De Niro is talking to his young son as they’re stepping off the bus and the son asks, “Do I have talent dad? Of course you have talent son. You can be anything you wanna be. Remember the saddest thing in life is wasted talent. You can have all the talent in the world but if you don't do the right thing then nothing happens.
Rise above the emotion, the chaos, the present moment and see the big picture. Not only will you survive you will be better because of this, because you kept moving forward when it wasn't easy. No matter how hard life got, you never lost sight of the opportunity. And that made all the difference.
There's a lot of research around this topic and one of the most important books written on it, by Bronnie Ware talks about the regrets of the dying. And one of them is “wishing I had the courage to live a life true to myself’.
Every time you thought you've given your all, you were lying to yourself and not in the sense that you weren't trying hard. Or what you did wasn't important, but in the sense that you artificially created your own finish line - you determined your stopping point. Not the laws of nature, not some unearthly being - you dictated your limit.
A speech turning 80, yet more current than ever. A speech that reminds us that on the horizon there’s a new world ready to welcome a rediscovered humanity. We are the architects of our own destiny: let’s open up to progress, to sustainability, and to tolerance. Let’s look at the future with positivity and hope.
John Lewis’ final essay, which he requested be published in the New York Times on the day of his funeral: “Together, You Can Redeem the Soul of Our Nation.”
I read Mr. Lewis’ final essay several times over the past weekend. His words touched me and inspired me to want to share it with you.
These are his words.
Even a child knows how to gossip and chatter. Anyone can do that. What's rare is silence. The ability to deliberately keep yourself out of the conversation and subsist without its validation. Silence is moving forward, and creating, every single day.
When we focus on the vision and connecting the dots in front of you, the world opens up. Be your own biggest fan. Learn to cherish the sound of your own applause because that is always what must come first.
Believe in your greatness. See it. Live it. It is there and you need to know that it's there, because it will make all the difference. Your self belief will define you.
There was a long time when the lack of belief in myself was a major factor in my life.
I didn’t pursue an ideal career, or start my own business, because I didn’t think I could.
Compassion starts by asking yourself one question as you go about your day and connect — virtually and in person — with others: How can I help this person to have a better day?
There’s a saying, “You never really know what you have until it's gone”. Sometimes it takes the most abrasive of reminders, the harshest of times to help us recapture that perspective , to lift us up and show us what we had previously failed to see.
The first step before anybody else in the world believes it - is you have to believe it. There's no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from Plan A. I honestly believe that if you're focused and passionate and driven, You can achieve anything you want to achieve.
What makes you valuable? What do you bring to the world? What makes you tick? And I'll tell you right now you do not find that by studying how Jeff Bezos started Amazon and attempting to duplicate it.
The trick is to find the joy in the activity. Don’t just do it like it’s a chore to be gotten over with, or some ordeal you need to make it through. Instead, see it as a treasured activity that you get to do. Something that is a privilege to do, because not everyone gets to do this kind of work.
I realized that life is actually pretty simple. Help as many people as you can. Make as many friends as you can. Work as hard as you can. And, no matter what happens, never quit!
Success is inevitable, amidst a mysterious and winding road It is my only certainty. You might ask, how could I possibly be sure I don't have evidence or tales of victory. Not yet.
That inner voice that tells you that something is wrong with you. It made me think about all those years where I felt this sense of inadequacy, just not good enough, a deep sense of not being worthy. I still struggle with it sometimes.
Not long ago, Admiral McRaven delivered the commencement address to the MIT graduating class of 2020. I must have listened to the Admiral’s speech 5 times, loved it so much i knew i had to share it with you so full credit to Admiral McRaven and for the million little life lessons he taught me. So here we go.
If you are moving forward you are not failing. You cannot be working towards something and failing at the same time, It is impossible. You can have your ups and downs. No one will refute that . You can get knocked on your ass have moments of fear and doubt but that is growth. Not failure.
But what would have become of you? Had you taken three more steps and reached out, had you grabbed the unseen and held on.
The risk towers over and intimidates the reward. And rather than move forward we stay where we are. But this door, this opportunity, this minute is a hand extended to you - it's an ally, it's a road sign, emphasizing that yesterday doesn't define you. You’re not your past. You’re what you do from here on out.
The amount of time we spend fretting over what path to take, when we’re feeling uncertain, can sometimes be staggering.
We’re entering into unknown territory, and we don’t know how to proceed. It happens all the time for many of us: we start a new job, launch a new venture, change careers, have to deal with incredible change, decide to start a podcast, write a book or create something online, put ourselves in a new social situation.
Racism is the belief that groups of humans possess different behavioral traits corresponding to physical appearance and can be divided based on the superiority of one race over another. I will no longer remain silent.
We have explored the heavens above and the oceans below. Whether fighting world wars or economic downturns, whenever we've been knocked down, we’ve always stood back up, taller, stronger, ready to build an even better future.
“Memento Mori,” or translated in English, “Remember you must die.” The point of this reminder isn’t to be morbid or promote fear, but to inspire, motivate and clarify. The idea has been central to art, philosophy, literature, architecture, and more throughout history. As Socrates says in Plato’s Phaedo, “The one aim of those who practice philosophy in the proper manner is to practice for dying and death.
It’s time for us to accept that this pandemic, and social isolation, are here for awhile.
But in addition to that, our reality has changed, possibly for good. So hear me out.
We’re not able to do our usual things — not only work and school, but things like haircuts, dentists, coffee shops, restaurants, bars, shops and more. That can feel very restricted.
I was once told that to become who you might be, you have to walk away from what you are. That maybe I couldn't see it at the time. But somewhere locked away in the depths of my soul existed the spark - the flicker of light that would change everything.
All I had to do, find it.
Have you said thank-you to someone to show how grateful you are for them today? Not just because its mother’s day today. It’s such a small thing, but it can have a huge impact on your life, and the life of that person. I will celebrate mother’s day by talking about gratitude and how finding little ways to incorporate gratitude in your life, will make you much happier … and you’ll make the people around you much happier as well. That’ll have a ripple effect that will make the world a better place … with such a small gesture!
This is the importance of always holding a positive expectation that what you want is going to happen. It is simply a choice and a discipline of the mind.
See it. Feel it. Trust it.
One of the most impactful things that's ever been said to me, came from my mother 31 years ago, as I was fixing to head to the airport and start a new life in America and one of the things she said was “in America, no one will ever care about your desire to succeed. No one cares about how much time and work you put into becoming great, it's all irrelevant”.
In countless little ways each day, we blame other people for our frustrations.
They irritate us, don’t do things the right way, are incompetent, rude, inconsiderate, bad drivers, too slow, not tidy, boring, uncaring.
And yet, we will always be frustrated if we stick to this mindset.
We will always be angry, offended, hurt, disappointed. There will be no end to the offenses humanity can take against us, as long as we decide that everyone else is wrong, all the time.
They’re not the problem.
The other person is never the problem.
Life is always opening doors for us, giving us a gift. We just don’t often recognize it. For example, this morning, life gave you an amazing gift of a new day. Many people who are on their last breath would give anything for such a miraculous gift — and yet, we often will take this gift for granted. Fritter it away. Complain about much of it.
Why do we waste the opportunity that life has given us?
Today is a new day. Today I am choosing to see my life, everything and everyone in it, through a lens of Love and deep appreciation. I allow myself to be exactly where I am, and others to be exactly where they are. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is broken. Nothing needs to be fixed.
Most people make the mistake of imagining themselves at the scariest part of the journey of their meaningful work — speaking in front of a huge crowd if you want to do public presentations, having an audience of hundreds of thousands of people if you want to write a blog or do a podcast, managing a huge team if you want to run a non-profit organization.
But that’s like wanting to be a football player and starting at the Superbowl. You’re not ready for that kind of pressure. Instead, start with youth football, high school football, and then college football before even considering the big leagues.
If you’re an author, this means just write one blog post. No one will read it at first, so there’s no pressure. Then write another.
If you want to do public speaking, just speak in front of a few friends. Then a group of 10 people. One small step at a time, and you’ll get more and more prepared as you do each step.
This is known as “exposure therapy” — exposing you gradually to the thing you fear, starting with the least scary version of it. It is quite effective, and you can use it by structuring your progress gradually, starting very small.
You are upright and drawing air in the year 2020. Despite your problems, your family’s problems, and the world’s problems, this is still a fantastic time to be alive.
You are not a helpless infant that life pushes around. You ARE the creator of your life. Every decision was and is yours to make.
Life is opportunity, the world around you is opportunity, some people close their eyes and ignore it. Others choose to see it. Courage is never closing your eyes, everything around you is courage.
There are various ways to prepare yourself for what might come your way, whether that’s a tough work project, a pandemic crisis, the loss of a loved one, an argument with your best friend, losing your job or the zombie apocalypse.
Health care workers aren’t just “heroes.” We’re also scared and exposed. I was so moved by what they wrote. I was emotionally held captive. This is their story.
Things you spent a lot of money on. There is the guilt of getting rid of that item because you spent hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on it. The feeling that you’re wasting that money by giving it away. But you wasted the money when you bought it … holding onto it for longer and not using it doesn’t change that fact. Let go of the sunk-cost fallacy and just cut your losses.
At the same time, it's already possible to see how this outbreak will permanently change our lives.
To all this I say, our backs have been against the wall before. As Americans, we fight like we know how to.
Several times in the course of “Man’s Search For Meaning”, Frankl approvingly quotes the words of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.” He describes poignantly those prisoners who gave up on life, who had lost all hope for a future and were inevitably the first to die. They died less from lack of food or medicine than from lack of hope, lack of something to live for.”
Adversity is a fact of life. Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise.
If we’re absolutely honest with ourselves, most of us are only half-committed to most things — in many cases, much less than half-committed.
We say that we’re going to change our diet, but are we fully committed? Do we make a meal plan and buy the groceries and clear out the junk food and set time in our calendar to prep meals for the week and change our habit of eating out much of the time?
Do we feel so committed in our hearts that we’d bet our lives on it?
Waking up every day is not an obligation or requirement. It's not another test or make or break audition to impress those around you. It's a gift. It's a challenge, it's something to be explored.
If the odds of being alive, living breathing are one in 400 trillion. You won. You have, as you sit or stand right now already done the miraculous. So why not cash in?
Do you know what it is to write and direct for yourself? I like to think consciously about my own story, the parable of my life, especially now that I am more than halfway through. I think it’s helpful to take a brief intermission before the second act, and check in with my intentions. I intend for my second act to be all about love.
If your status quo has never been shaken at its foundation, if you've never stopped and questioned the way things are - reality as it is, if you take risks, there will be no fragments to take and rebuild. You will have the tools or capacity to change the world around.
Using the metaphor, the question was, am I watering the weeds in my life, or the flowers? And by the weeds I mean, am I allocating energy to thoughts that are detrimental to what I want. Am I keeping myself in places I don't want to be and in relationships that are counterproductive? Am I thinking about what can go wrong instead of all that can go right? Or am I watering the flowers - the positive - highlighting the possibility - the things I'm appreciative for - the seeds - the potential that can grow a mile high.
In real life you create your own probability every day, every minute that goes towards working towards a goal. That means you get closer. Why would you take a snapshot of the present moment in time and use that to define the likelihood that you'll live out your dream someday down the road?
The key is to see this abundance, and feel it in your body. It’s like the abundance of oxygen in the air all around us: it’s limited and precious, but we have plenty of it and can breathe freely and with joy. In some situations, oxygen is so limited that it can be life-threatening … but most of the time, we have more than enough for our needs.
Progress is nothing more than the ability to break big things down into small things. That's it. And those manageable pieces, day in and day out, they become the roadmap to accomplish what ever it is you set out to accomplish.
You can talk about hours spent - routines - habits, but if you aren’t passionate about what you want. If you don’t Immerse yourself in it - None of that really matters.
Live How you need to live - do what you need to do - Be who you need to be - to make your dreams real - fully commit to excellence because until you do that - you will only be left with a vision and a false sense of reality.
We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another — we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt.
And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over, and have a hard time letting go.
Some turn fear into opportunity. Others avoid the unknown. Some never stop learning. Others think they have all the answers.
So imagine as you continue this walk outside and you think about your dreams. The things that fear kept you from becoming, because on your last day alive in the face of death, you'll probably realize that the worst possible scenario wasn't as scary as you thought.
Right now, is about execution. It's about taking all those hours, and turning them into the best version of yourself - today is about being better than you ever dreamed you could be. These are the moments you live for.
When the path is uncertain we seek out footprints from journeys that occurred Long ago. opinions from people who know no better than us. We look for things that can’t be given, but must be made.
I have been on quite a journey since our sweet dog Henry passed away on Oct. 22nd. and every step I have made on my spiritual path has confirmed what I already knew to be true. There is no higher purpose, no more relevant calling than Love.
Sometimes it's not easy to see the finish line. To peer down that long treacherous road ahead And feel completely confident that things will work out. You know that Success is waiting there for you in one form or another. Obviously there's no road signs letting you know your progress is paying off - there's no blatant indicator that you're on the right track. Essentially, there's nothing.
I loved working everyday. I practiced, rehearsed and drilled always trying to keep sharpening the saw.
After 21 years it all came to a crashing halt. Finished. Over. With a single phone call, I was told that my services were no longer needed and HR was sending me a packet in the mail.
We are a product of the pain we endure - the sacrifices we make - the struggles we overcome.
In every step along the way is who you are - that’s What defines you - your pursuit. Your future rests on the decision to conquer right now - create the world you need to be the change you so desperately want. There are an infinite number of ways to succeed. Infinite.
There's a lot that you don't know - a lot you're pretty sure you understand, but couldn't possibly wrap your hands around. Because the most important things in life, the things that you'll remember. They're the very things that seem like footnotes in your story, background noise hidden in plain view.
It's where decisions are made, and lives are ultimately defined. And which way you go when staring at this fork in the road can mean everything - Maybe you go left, take the easy path minimal upside minimal downside, proven and tangible - it gives immediate identity but also brings with it, some degree of regret not because you won’t like who you are but because you’ll never know what you could have been.
You have that power within yourself, literally to change the world as we know it. That's not a question - its not even far fetched. But we need to spend less time feeling like we're owed something for that exhausted energy. The world is a tough place. It rewards value - And sometimes it takes way longer than we like to see a return on that investment.
I've met him before many times this gatekeeper guardian of all that is worth possessing, acquiring and conquering. I've witnessed the pain he inflicts - the doubt he manufactures - the obstacles he creates - and what's interesting about the things in life worth having is that they’re never easy to obtain.
And that simple metaphor, created a foundation for everything that's come through my life since then - Right - in anything we do - There's the option to go all in or to walk the line to hedge your bets. People so often leave or quit when something becomes difficult - because there's another door they've left open - right - there's an easier way - an escape route.
What if the starting role is too much for me? What if I was a born follower? What if I never find happiness? What if I don't choose the right path? What if I get lost? What if I can never be as good as the person standing next to me? What if a life of meaning will always be something I'll have to stare up at - wishing - dreaming?
Or what if I just change the way I look at the world?
See human beings make things unnecessarily complicated. Instead of drawing a direct line from point A to point B. We create 100 reasons why it's too hard. Too Tough, we construct distractions. There is no hard - there is no easy. There is a goal - the price that must be paid. And the eyes observing from a distance, wondering, just maybe, if they can do the same.
This life is about acquiring skills and really pushing yourself to see how much you can do because you really can do whatever you set your mind to. But first you have to set your mind to be free of what others think of you.
Suddenly, it doesn't hurt so much to have somebody say something as long as it's true - you're willing to use it - as long as it's true and you're willing to take it on board and see how you can improve and get better - but first you must stop being willfully blind to your inadequacies - you must stop being willfully blind to the mistakes you make - you must stop being willfully blind to the areas that you need to improve - if you want to achieve the things that you say you want to achieve - but that's where people get stuck.
When we feel safe. When we feel that our leaders care more about us than a number, they care more about our lives and our confidence and our joy and our skill set, more than some short term gain - that they care more about our priorities than the priorities of some disinterested external constituency. Then we will respond in kind and we will offer our blood, sweat and tears, and we will make sacrifices of all kinds, to see that our leaders vision is advanced that this company continues to thrive. Not for them, for ourselves - it becomes deeply personal and becomes something we love contributing to.
Because you have the power to right now take your life back right now. No matter what is going on - No matter What has happened to you - no matter what crazy things have befallen you that seem like fate. Take ownership. Don't beat yourself up. Don't waste time feeling badly about it, just recognize you are far more powerful and capable than you know.
Be mindful of where you put in your hours and what exactly you think is important. Be cautious about the promise of jumping from one opportunity to the next too quickly, without giving yourself time to deeply understanding anything. As Duckworth warns in “Grit”, “some people get 20 years of experience while others get one year of experience 20 times in a row”.
The people that really get somewhere - the people that are able to build extraordinary things - they're the ones that aren't afraid to fail - They're the ones that aren't afraid to fail publicly. They're never worried about what other people think.
We all need a word of encouragement from time to time so let this be that word. You can change no matter what you think of yourself. Humans are designed to change. That’s what we do. But you have to put yourself underneath tremendous amount of stress in order to trigger that adaptation response.
The things that matter to you are the things that matter most. And so, to run in the opposite direction to allow yourself to get into that to allow yourself to see that there are stakes that it matters that it has meaning, and to move in the opposite direction is to literally state you want to stay small is to literally say that you don't want to be successful.
It is extremely hard to make decisions with a just cause in mind. With so many of the pressures on all of us pushing to make the finite short term decisions. If you work for a public company the pressure is overwhelming from the outside to focus on the finite at the expense of the infinite. Sometimes we put pressure on ourselves to focus on the finite we become so obsessed with the arbitrary goals we set for the end of the year that sometimes we abandon our own values in order to make the sale, getting the client, move the numbers.
The military is not different than business, it's not better or worse than business. The lessons are just much easier to see because the stakes are higher. In other words, everything is exaggerated. So the good is really good and the bad is really bad, and the impact of really good is obvious, and the impact of really bad is obvious. And so, I find that it's a much easier place for me to study leadership, just because it's way exaggerated. Right. The other thing is it's a deeply human culture, because the stakes are life and death, very often. And so in business, we have colleagues and co-workers. They have brothers and sisters, it feels really different.
I found that nothing in life is worthwhile unless you take risks. Nothing. There is no passion to be found playing small and settling for a life that's less than the one you're capable of living.
Through daily work the better you get the quieter the voice gets. The enemy within cannot criticize the one who has done the work it can’t argue with someone who has no regrets so do the work every day. Every step forward builds belief. Every step forward builds confidence. Every step forward develops habit. Every step forward is a step ahead of that voice.
We are not born feeling inadequate. Life experiences and emotions create that sense within us in a variety of creative ways. When we were little and when we felt afraid or anxious our mind told us something was wrong with us, not with our environment. That’s why children who were abused or neglected grow up to be adults who carry so much shame. A child’s mind not yet rational concludes, there must be something wrong with me if I feel so bad or I must be bad if I am being treated badly. As adults armed with education on emotions and how childhood adversity affects the brain we can understand that feeling “not enough” is a byproduct of an environment that was insufficient. We are in fact enough!
I don’t care how scared you are, what you need to do is make bold decisions. Right now you’ve got to begin training yourself to act you’ve got to begin training yourself to take chances to put yourself at risk - to risk embarrassment to know that you’re going to fail that’s the only way that you’re ever going to get the things that you want out of life. All of us want to do something extraordinary.
A toxic interpersonal environment whether it shows up as undermining, backstabbing, incivility or low trust is a breeding ground for burnout because it requires so much emotional effort just to cope with the situation. Role conflict which occurs when the expectations of one role that’s important to you conflict with those of another also increases risk of burnout this might happen when the demands of your job make it impossible to spend adequate time with your loved ones or when the way you’re expected to act at work clashes with your sense of self.
You simply decide how you’re going to see something you can see a catastrophic loss in your life as empowering because there’s something for you to learn or you can simply see the loss you get to decide what you see in that. And once you realize that life really is about cause and effect that the things you decide to see the things you decide to focus on are going to determine the very quality of your life
It’s the people who dare to believe, it’s the people who allow themselves to believe that, it’s the people who cultivate that belief fanatically more than they think about anything else they think about how capable they are, they imagine themselves doing it.
Every day we deal with doubts with feeling overwhelmed with frustration and anger with loneliness and disconnection with stress and anxiety with discomfort and change and in times of trouble we deal with the uncertainty of death, massive change, illness, loss of jobs, collapsing finances, growing debt, incredible fears a shifting economy and turbulent politics. It’s enough to make us want to give up or run to our comforts. At least it does for me.
There’s no way to just do it - you’ve got to find something in you that you believe in so much that you’re willing to push yourself that hard. You’ve got to construct a story about not only who you are but what you can become and when that narrative is so compelling that it pushes you forward then you will have the kind of change that you want in your life but first you have to believe that you can do it, you’ve got to put yourself out there.
If you’re willing to do that and be real with yourself about whether or not you’re making progress then your dreams really can come true and that’s what I want for people to believe it to the core of their being. You can do anything you set your mind to and if you need encouragement let this be that encouragement. You can do it, it is possible, it can happen.
You have to decide what is a life that’s worth remembering, what is a life that’s going to give you that sense of self. What are you going to have to do to earn that because you have to earn it, there’s no way to stumble through life hoping that it will somehow add up to something that makes you feel good inside.
In the movie coach Carter, there are 104 words that I think about all the time. These 104 words have left an indelible mark on me “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you - we are all meant to shine as children do it’s not just in some of us it’s in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
No matter what is happening in your life at any moment right now, in the depths of a depression, in something going on terribly in your life, you can choose right now to think about the things you’re grateful for. But it’s a choice. One is as though nothing is a miracle and the other is as though everything is a miracle. And what choice are you making?
Neil Swindale played professional basketball for 12 years and a considerable amount of his youth playing basketball. He grew up in a team environment. Some teams were championship teams and other teams they could barely win 5 games all season. Since coming to America, he started VendCentral with zero experience but knew that if he built a team he could be successful. His role on the VendCentral team is Sales and he hired the rest of the people needed including writers, project managers and web designers. “I felt that all the skills I learned playing basketball were transferable over to this business”.
One cannot learn what they think they already know. And that’s the danger. That’s how people get themselves in trouble.
You’re going to become the things you fear, you’re going to become the things you dread. If you’re thinking about all the things you’ve done wrong in the past, you are going to simply continue that cycle. On the other hand, let this be true.
In 1965, 17 year old Randy Gardner stayed awake for 264 hours. That’s 11 days to see how he’d cope without sleep. We’re only beginning to understand why we sleep to begin with, but we do know it’s essential.
Mike is a 30-year veteran in the unattended retail industry. What an amazingly intelligent and self-aware resource to anyone interested in buying or selling their business or want to know the ins and outs of being profitable in the industry.
Reducing stress rather than engaging with it productively does little to promote the capacity to respond effectively to adversity.
The people that you see that win at the highest levels they are the ones that didn’t give up. They’re the survivors. And you have to ask yourself am I a survivor type am I the type of person that continues to push through when it gets hard when it gets boring when I feel lost when I don’t know what I’m doing?
You just have to do it. You have to go. You have to take that first step, you have to push you have you have to strive you have to drive every time to get a little better.
How this co-Founder chooses to lead his start-up to stay grounded in their mission and stay true to what they hold valuable and meaningful.
San Francisco based start-up has nearly 800 stores deployed to a variety of locations, from headquarters like Tesla and LinkedIn to hospitals, non-profits, Educational institutions.
“Burn the boats” does present itself as a fine example of what unwavering commitment truly is. And all of us can do with a little commitment now and then.
To fail is deeply human-as is the capacity to inspect, learn from, and transcend failure. The lessons they teach have implications for humility, maturity and empathy.
I find myself at 58 the perfect fit for this new world. I want to share with you my experience, what I’ve learned, and what I’m learning everyday.
Far too many salespeople are willing to cut their price to land a piece of business and close on a transaction. Is the salesperson cheating on the new customer and all of their other customers?
Customers will pay a premium for your confidence. Confidence sells! I can’t emphasize this enough and especially now with the economy behaving the way it is.
The confidence I’m talking about is not just your own confidence, but more importantly the level of confidence the customer has about you and what you’re providing them. Customers will buy anything if they have a reason, and it starts with a level of confidence in them knowing that what you’re providing them will do what you say it will.
How many times have you had an oops moment? You asked a recently fired friend of a friend how his job is going. The words leave your lips before you could scoop them back in. And oh shit. Now what?
In today’s high velocity, ultra competitive global markets, natural market forces are shining a bright light in this increasingly unsustainable cost of doing business.
Charley Nelms of the Texas Merchandise Vending Association (TMVA) discusses what operators need to be successful in today’s business climate and why you should plan on attending the upcoming convention in Bastrop, TX.
“If you have been in Sales or Sales Management for a number of years this statement could give you a panic attack or make you feel liberated by the tyranny of budgets”.
In my past life I’ve attended my share of trade shows. In 2019 how are you networking with prospects and customers? I have Some ideas.
This episode’s curated content is from Laura Garnett, performance strategist and author of The Genius Habit.
How do you show up everyday? Obstacles to overcome and 5 non-sexy things that will have the most impact. Inspired curated content by Shawn Blanc, The Focus Course.