The Edge of Fear Podcast: Recent Episodes
Liz Basile-Louison
Nobody has all the answers, but most people have at least one. The only way to learn what others have to teach us is by talking to one another, listening and connecting. Part of what we're missing in our modern society is a deeper sense of connection and belonging. See the light in yourself, open up, and welcome others in. This podcast is meant to encourage authenticity, honesty, kindness and love, by sharing the darkness and the light. Sharing the realities of our human experiences will help us feel safe to feel, and then ultimately connect as a byproduct of those shared feelings and experiences.
After a 7-month break....
What is necessary for happiness?
Being yourself.. (not regurgitate words of others)
Growth & challenges..
Not being a miserable fuck.
Sense of personal responsibility
Follow calls of own body, morals, values
What are you doing to challenge you? To better you?
...Being happy matters so you may be in a better state of mind, bring a better you to contribute to community.
References: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Do Less by Kate Northrup.
Melissa Mortimer is an intuitive healer, psychic medium and spiritual coach. She incorporates multiple modalities to provide an empowering space for healing, spiritual growth & sacred self-discovery.
@mindfullymelissa shares her story on today's very Taurus ep about coming home to herself after taking leaps of faith & believing in what she wanted. Melissa explains how Reiki impacted her journey & how honored she is to guide others embodying what we uniquely are. Follow her on Instagram for access to her workshops + coaching.
Nicole talks with Liz about sobriety in her journey and how it impacted her confidence, ability to pay attention to herself and others and prosper in her business and life. Liz relates this to her own year of sobriety while deployed (how this catalyst self-awareness, social skills & coping without the crutch of weed and booze). We chat about how when you learn to love yourself and see the world through a new lens, people are naturally drawn in. Find Nicole on IG @thenicolevillani
Defining ourselves through external factors vs getting clear with our own wants and needs. Redefining our beliefs and values when they become limiting (all gained through self-awareness). Giving compassion to ourselves when things are difficult and accepting what is, acting on what we accept.
Ana is a Speaker, a Clarity and Confidence Empowerment Coach, and the creator of Empowered by Self-Love. Find her @ana_merced_ on IG, FB, or her website, www.anamerced.com
References:
Edge of Fear Pod Ep 52: The Love Yourself Challenge.
Book Kamal Ravikant - Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It
Being present (and facing your emotions instead of just numbing) even in the thick of it. Not waiting until next week, next year, the next season of life to be happy, because there will be hardships in that chapter too. Sharing vulnerably, especially when it’s uncomfortable, and how exchanging ideas facilitates us thinking differently. Stop talking to shitty people. Be the light & love yourself, but you gotta put good stuff in your ears, or you become shitty.
How has dieting effected us as a society? "Compulsive eating... is a way we leave our self when life gets hard."
If we've all hit this pandemic wall, and are still not sure when regular socializing will happen again, how can we connect more deeply within the constraints and activities of what we're already doing?
Sit with it. Speak it. Feel it.
References:
Women, Food and God - by Geneen Roth
The Edge of Fear, Ep. 75 - Moving the Needle Forward with Jennifer Watson
MUST LISTEN EPISODE.
In this conversation, Jennifer Watson gives us evidence of times slowing down and becoming self-aware has helped to drive us forward. She gives us some of the tools to use those tactics to push our own needle forward in our dreams and purpose, and how to lead a life filled with more flow, ease, and joy. Go-go-go hasn't been working! It's time to try something new. Find her @jenniferwatsonleadership on IG or on LinkedIn
Abundance v scarcity mentality. Uncomfortable situations and conversations.
Just exactly how MANY feelings there are, and how heavy.
The female cycle and its alignment - empowering to learn about.
Spark Joy - deciding anything = trusting intuition -
Have practices and set boundaries to learn how.
References:
The Broken Brain Podcast @drstephanieestima
Book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility
The Edge of Fear Podcast:
Ep34 - Daniela Arrango @iamdanielaarango
Ep 63 - Sara Chizek @thesarachizek
The confidence that comes from committing to yourself and keeping the promise.
Being kind and loving towards ourselves and others when it’s the hardest to do so.
One size fits all mentality? Not really real. Everything (from skincare to relationships to how we learn), every single thing in our unique life is going to be individual to us. Listen to books and podcasts about what MIGHT work, but know you MUST try different things to find what works for you.
It’s hard to be an adult. But we can do it.
- Pen to paper & keeping a notebook by your bed
- Keeping promises to ourselves (a 20-minutes-per-day challenge since the last ep and the results in just a week)
- Release the need for control - control is of a scarcity and fear mindset! Let whatever is in your life JUST BE. Let yourself be there instead of trying to control it.
- Pour love into our darkest spaces - The Insight Timer App- Practicing Gentle Kindness Towards Ourselves, meditation by Sarah Blondin
- Showing up for yourself for the sake of showing up, even when you don't feel like being good to yourself.
Welcome back for Season 3!
Chaos isn’t over because of inauguration day. The chaos is us. Consistency is the word. Let's show up for ourselves this year. W/ real, tangible change thru micro habits and work.
Anger = fear/scarcity. We desire belonging! Having a shared enemy feels like purpose, but it's BS. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Give self more credit, love your people better. Show gratitude and love for what you have today - see if you show up differently. Love you - thanks for being here
Renee explains her recent work on roles, relationships, and rituals for women and explains what they mean based on her decades of experience in this arena. She defines how these elements either encourage us to step into our full power or prevent us from doing so, and she provides the path for us to get really clear on where we’re at so that we may CHOOSE life. Find Renee at .@reneendineen www.authenticinaction.com www.reneedineen.com
Liz tells about the 6 day giveaway happening on the show with guests from this season.
Liz and Sammy chat about the importance of learning to accept your true self... with or without the help of editing and filters. We discuss the challenges posed by the year 2020 and how the strangeness of it all can be cause for introspection. How the right person brings out the best in you and encourages and supports you, wherever you are at any given moment.
5-minute daily meditation ritual to take on holiday stress: difference in patience, gratitude and overall clarity. Giving myself grace about caring about my diet in the way I currently am in this season of life. I want to fuel myself for a long and healthy life; it’s okay to want to educate myself on that, and it’s okay if I don't always apply it. Accepting myself in my current state, accepting my desire to learn more, and still listening to my inner knowing and intuition throughout.
References: Superhuman by Dave Asprey; Limitless by Jim Kwik; Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey; Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant; Conversation with the great and wise Renee Dineem (see her TedX Talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBzZ6rYDm2g&ab_channel=TEDxTalks )
Life doesn’t always go as planned, but listening to your gut and going for what makes you happy - even when it feels selfish - is far more productive. The importance of being honest: if you don’t know, ask. No shame in not understanding something, and people will help or mentor you when you come forth in honesty and willingness to learn. Whatever your differences are will be your superpower; every field is interdisciplinary, and your experiences and background make you an asset. On IG @nowickipedia23
Quick ep on clearing your mind during election week (and 2020, other weeks that are hard). References: Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey (Go back and listen to Episode 40 of this podcast, a book review ep from earlier this year on this book!); Limitless by Jim Kwik; The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.
Be in nature. Drink water. Put your phone down. Say nice things to yourself, and listen to words that support your highest vision of yourself. You can do it.
A NYC Certified KonMari Consultant and home-organizer shares some benefits of creating an orderly home as she has seen firsthand through her experience: improved time management and focus, reduced stress, improved mental and physical health, a greater sense of gratitude. The average American has over 300,000 items in their home, and wastes 12 days per year looking for things. You must hear this one. Find her on IG @LisaTselebidis and grab her free KonMari Category Checklist at https://www.lisatselebidis.com/
Christine & Liz discuss hope that can come in our darkest moments via movement. Connecting to the deeper “why” - how it helped Christine become aware of her behavior of binging. When she started to really do the work to remove this as a regular coping mechanism for stress, and the nonjudgmental curiosity into self that led to greater breakthroughs: nourishing herself, loving/caring for herself, and speaking openly about it all to connect more intimately with those in her life. @christine.coen to download a free workbook: Overcoming Nighttime Overeating
Sara talks about getting into alignment with herself and sacred and divine feminine. She highlights ignoring signs from the universe, feeling disconnected with self and physically ill, before learning to say YES to the inkling of desire and making pleasure a priority in her life through the work of John Wineland and Mama Gena. She found a community that lifted her, took a stand for her, and eventually, she got crystal clear on her own desire through connecting with her grief and accessing all her raw emotions to find her way out of her stuckness and ultimate liberation. Loved this conversation. Connect with Sara @thesarachizek and www.sarachizek.com
On today's episode, Jessica Wright (one half of the Atlas & Stone wedding photography husband-wife duo) shares with us the journey of how she got to where she is today, loving her job and working towards her dreams with her family. Jess shares some of the trials and insecurities of being a young mom, the importance of sticking to her values, and learning to cope with her own mental health struggles in an effective and proactive way, as best she can. Lots of happy little accidents in this grit-filled story. Find her at @jesswrightathome and @atlasandstone
Juliana shares with us her story of learning to pivot during the first financial crisis of her lifetime; how the job she had trained for (via multiple degrees) no longer being available provided an opportunity to rise to the occasion and learn new skills, as well as showing her the importance of mentorship. She shifts gears yet again when she decided to pursue her vision of helping people get in alignment with their own values and wake up with enthusiasm, ready to learn from every life lesson, and to stop holding ourselves back. Find her at @juliana_faus on IG or www.onpurposetalent.com for your free ebook to get started.
In this episode, Liz and her anonymous guest talk about being an inspiration to one another during times of hardship; how female comradery and support is so helpful (and even necessary) in the military and in life. We speak of getting comfortable in "good enough" and how you become a shell of yourself when you settle for too long, and the courage it requires to face the discomfort of leaving something you thought you never could.
Kelly shares with us the story of her mom’s cancer diagnosis, her father’s work at Ground Zero, and the flexibility and resilience she was forced to learn throughout her mother’s treatments, as well as lessons she continues to learn from her after her passing. Forgiving ourselves, choosing our own path (even when it looks different from the one we thought we’d go down) and learning to stop fighting life are some of the takeaways from today’s Women’s Empowerment Miniseries episode. Find her @kelly.rose13 on IG
In this ep, Liz explains the What and Why of the Women's Empowerment Miniseries happening on The Edge of Fear Podcast and why you should be here for it.
Sheri has over 13 years of experience in the health and wellness space. In this episode, she draws from her extensive background in wellness, her studies, and her life to share with us some of the lessons she's learned on human compassion, love, and stillness. Sheri stepped fully into her own self and spirituality and gives us permission today, as well as many of the tools, to find for ourselves that same level of power and certainty.
You can find her at @sheriazhomayoon, or on her own podcast, The Quietest Moments.
Katie & Liz talk about the difficulties in confronting trauma, but why we must do the shadow work to learn more about ourselves and truly heal our childhood wounds. We are meant for more than just surviving, and there are so many modalities for holistic healing once we choose to love, care for, and parent ourselves. We discuss generational trauma, and Katie opens up about her own relationship with her family, as well as the spiritual journey she undertook after the passing of her boyfriend.
In this episode, Nicole Lombardo, a Doctor of Physical Therapy (and Liz's HS basketball teammate) gives us tips on listening to your body, using our workouts as “practice” for everyday life, a better desk set up to reduce back pain, and scaling it back. Anyone can do anything if you scale it back, but if you don’t use the muscles at all, you will lose the ability and therefore the option to use those muscles. Movement is so important for your quality of life; let's move!
Liz and Vincenzo talk about traveling having been a wonderful tool to better understand themselves, how that grew them into better professionals, better partners to respective significant others, and an inspiring/comforting energy to be around. Vincenzo is an accomplished hair stylist on LI with mostly female clientele. @vincenzostylist has a beautiful perspective on life, and shares today some of how he and his wife @beautybylee are choosing to raise their children, look at their blossoming careers and family dreams.
This week, Craig and Liz discuss the story we tell ourselves vs reality, and the limiting beliefs that dictate our lives as a result. How forgiving yourself requires vulnerability and honesty. In order to release the shame, speak those truths out loud, connect with other humans, and choose to commit to yourself fully. After a lifetime of negative self-talk and not keeping promises to yourself, this commitment is hard to keep, but the process is the reward. Celebrate your wins and keep going.
After trauma, finding Kamal Ravikant's book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, deciding to seek that love and live more fully. Zero people benefit from any of us wallowing in our own anger, sadness or self-pity.
We've begun a 30-day self-love challenge on IG, because of the shift in perspective resulting from practicing the Self Love exercises outlined in the book. Go read it and let me know @lizwithoutapillow how forgiving yourself and committing to actively loving yourself turns out.
This week Liz chats with Jessie, @thatssoulastro, who gives some of the history of astrology and explains the language used in birth chart readings (like houses, aspects, elements, zodiac, etc.). Jessie reads Liz's birth chart, to exemplify how better understanding ourselves can EMPOWER the way we engage with the world. We'll learn that the earth is currently moving through a Saturn Return and into the Aquarius. Jessie gives her astrological interpretation of what this all could mean for the collective during the present state of unrest around us...
We are not simply an identity that we associate with. If you strip me of those attributes (what society deemed good and worthy, what makes me part of the team), then what is left? Who am I then? This was a lonely realization.
But what about when I’m ready to let others in on this experience? Feeling. Reflecting. Authentically sharing with others, we become able to articulate it and grow. Then we see neither of us are perfect, and we’re connected because we are in each others’ worldview. Better understanding and accepting our differences, recognizing our common humanity. Feel the feelings.
Diving into the crisis of the week: change = bad. "this is how I am." The anxious need for control and wanting things to go back to 'normal,' and how that led to a deep reflection into the self and re-learning of so many old messages. Accept yourself, then do an honest evaluation. Love yourself more, and sit back and reflect on the moment. Adjust your direction if needed, and then step into that new self, if a new identity has been chosen to embody.
This week's resources: AMP #255 How to Own the Day in the COVID-19 Era with Kyle Kingsbury;12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson, Rules 9 & 10; Atomic Habits by James Clear - Ch. 3. The Insight Timer app for guided meditations by Lucy Valnicek, Kate James.
This week, Liz reflects on the teachings of Ram Dass as they've impacted her through this season of Quarantine and inner conflict.
Letting yourself feel whatever emotion you’re experiencing. Whatever that is, it’s okay.
The physical manifestation of heavy emotions on your body and your relationships and your work - WHY it's important to process it as it comes up.
Standing in your truth allows you to have unconditional love for yourself and for others. The ego keeps us from letting our truth shine and from loving fully.
Letting go of “SHOULD” to free us from great suffering.
Laughter + nonjudgment + forgiveness = love.
References: Being Nobody Documentary; AMP ep #265; Here and Now Podcast with Ram Dass on The Be Here Now Network
The existential crisis of the week: could Covid be an opportunity for us to examine what it is that we each individually value? Do we have a chance to potentially completely restructure existing systems? This is a FORCED slow down. Discover what it is that makes you feel fulfilled and purposeful. Ask yourself, how do I feel today, and can we set intentions that are aligned, instead of just keeping up with what our calendar says. Just because this is how it's been, doesn't mean it has to stay the same forever. Today's thought was inspired by Charles Eisenstein's "The Coronation"
In this conversation, Natalie and Liz dive into the relationship we all have with food and with our bodies. Natalie points out many benefits to trusting that your body and your intuition know better than your brain; we discuss love, self-compassion, gratitude and nonjudgment vs trying to hate yourself into weightloss or feeling comfortable/confident in your own skin. The negative side effects of dieting, and figuring out your WHY. Natalie is a Binge & Diet Recovery Coach - follow her @nataliezises on Instagram
Feeling all the things in the past week - the rollercoaster of emotions that has been COVID 19... the pandemic of our lifetime and the many darknesses it can be dredging up for us. Not a "how to stay positive in quarantine" recording... a reminder to tell your truth, to connect with whoever you can. To feel what you're feeling and maybe even do some of that inner-work you've been avoiding.
Liz & Kathrine @passionforplants discuss how leaning into a more plant based diet can reduce your carbon footprint and how each of our contributions matter. Open your mind! Consider the way your diet impacts YOUR life and consider how you could possibly make an impact in a positive way with these choices. Explanation of HDL & LDL cholesterol/risks via the way we eat. Description of the Blue Zones and where/how people live comfortably until old age.
Must Listen To's: The School of Greatness Podcast with Dr mark hyman - Build Your Health to Build Your Wealth & MindBodyGreen Podcast - Ep 121 How to Heal Yourself with Dr Kelly Turner
Amy and Liz talk about taking volunteer jobs while traveling, making friends with people who lift you up and make you feel comfortable, and how facing your feelings and your discomfort forces you to get confident in who you are and what you're about. Letting go of needing to look good to please others or to fit the norm, and embracing that your path might look different than those around you, and that's okay. How connecting with others will help you remember that you're not alone. @amykaranfilian
Being present where you are. Working on it by actively connecting with the moment, with yourself and with those around you -- not living in the past or wishing for a better future, but working towards the better future, the 10k hours to mastery (referenced in Ep 40 and similar to theme of Ep 35: Start Small).
Josh and Liz talk about the guilt that keeps us holding on to old endeavors longer than we truly want or need to hold on. How opening up about mental health and hardship became freeing, and how it gets easier the more you do it. Being a positive influence on others (even when you're not sure why anyone would listen to you in the first place). Josh's dad is the chapter leader of Team Red, White & Blue for Vet activities in Pittsburgh - find more info at teamrwb.org or DM @josh_buzzard
This week we’re taking a deep dive into the book Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey. Bailey gives us - and Liz summarizes - simple & actionable steps to improve our ability to focus longer and more efficiently, increasing our productivity significantly, and thus improving our fulfillment in life. Since implementing many of these tools in my own hyperfocus sessions, I'm getting done twice the work in half the time, and enjoying my down time more. Go buy the audiobook, and gather some starter tips in today’s episode.
HOW to bring out your best self, and WHY it would benefit us to show up for ourselves. Liz shares four things that she has learned work for her specifically, and examples to help you figure out your own “must-do’s” to be your best.
Why doing things JUST for you, specifically for the sake of feeling GOOD inside for a few brief moments every day (or most days), has the power to revitalize your life.. Both the everyday mundane and your wildest, mf’in accomplishable dreams.
Reflect on your own life and figure out YOUR recipe for functioning your best. Follow it mostly, and give yourself grace and love when you undoubtedly fuck it up and have to learn it again times infinity forever.
Liz shares tips on how to see people through a more neutral lens by imagining them being loved instead of as just a stranger. We talk about "phone dumps," communicating freely and truthfully, and how effective communication and supports breeds communication and support. Why we should show more love to one another, and how to do so from a place of compassion and love -- how it naturally leads to a reciprocation of the love we feel in return from friends and loved ones.
Dee and Liz talk about the natural progression of seasons we internally go through, and how once we’ve gotten what we’re supposed to from a winter or darkness, we CHOOSE to come out of it when we’re ready. How speaking authentically and being true to yourself is your therapy, how connecting with others can spark inspiration inside you, and how the way you act towards others is a reflection of your soul. We all have a voice that matters, and we all have to fight through fears and obstacles to show that vulnerable side of us, but how worth it it is.
In order to be truly, authentically happy, accept that you are imperfect. We all are.
To love yourself and have real, genuine confidence, you've gotta believe you are worth taking care of... tell the truth enough to know you struggle, and are imperfect, and that's still totally fine. Check out ANY highlights on @lizwithoutapillow. Definitely go listen to Audrey Marcus Podcast #508 with Kamal Ravikant. Love yourself. Love others. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Forget. Learn. Forget.
After an unannounced & necessary break from social, we're ready to start with big, vulnerable recognition of fears… by just getting on the court and facing it (see Episode 5). This is about short term plans and long term dreams; whatever you want to do or be, in whatever duration you’d like, it’s totally possible through consistency, grace, and fearlessness. Monthly Challenges noted from @danikabrysha’s #virtualbrunchseries - self-care checklist referenced in ep 26: Transformations and ep 28: Gifts
Liz opens up about her darkness in this season and how it's kept her from recording the last few weeks.
Daniela, a Colombian mystic and energy healer recording from Sweden. Our emotional experience is our teacher. Intuition and trusting your gut is not a feeling, but a knowing. Our intuition is a muscle, and the more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes. Accessing this higher wisdom through playfulness and curiousity rather than pressure and expectation. The changing meaning of femininity, and changing the conversation around spirituality to be more approachable for all.
Josh and Liz discuss being introspective and the responsibility that comes with self-awareness. Josh finally allows gratitude in (after many great losses in his early adulthood) as a result of his first LSD experience. The opportunity to speak out loud of the deaths he’d experienced, paired with the drug, led to feeling the physical sensation of support by those he’d loved and lost -- and gratitude for getting to release the pain and accept those losses and what each had taught him.
We can LEARN to operate in a different way, but it’s on us to search for that knowledge. Josh summarizes use of the “wellness toolbox” to individualize our healing and growth during times of difficulty. Making amends and what that entails. Josh tells his story of 20 days in prison: choosing to “raise your hand to life” and to connect with those around you. How time to reflect is imperative for the journey and self-reflection. Liz shares the guilt from leaving her last relationship and how that was the beginning of her journey - the deployment, self-reflection that ensued as a result of time, and how it all led to this self. Liz & Josh connect over trauma, taking responsibility, guilt, and gratitude. @fireheartjmh
All the things! Natalie and Liz discuss getting aligned with ourselves and learning enough about ourselves so that we are able to be intuitively guided. The scale of peacefulness as we go through our experience and the language we use to describe our emotional responses to life. Standing in truth and articulating the experience -- feeling into the emotions, sitting with the emotions longer and appreciating the transitions and showing up more genuinely. Natalie recreates the ways in which she was able to connect to a God that serves her life and her truth - determining your own version of a higher power. Boundaries and conflict within : “Is it fun or is it free?” - question to check in with yourself before you make a choice, meditate and clear space for 5 minutes. You can have it all once you decide what is most important. Choosing to be present in your relationship and in life. Having a neutral 3rd party mentor to bring things to so that you’re able to show up truly and authentically and each accept one another fully. Facing sober life head on. @iamnataliekristina
We’re a generation of choice but we rarely actually step out with these choices or give them a chance to guide us. The transitions of roughly the 27th year, but that everyone goes through a series of changes at about quarter life. The “shoulds,” and how to change them into a to-do list, standing in the power of presence and being and doing the things you’re afraid to do. Being in touch with and trusting yourself. Someday may never come. Whatever your dream is, just go do it. There’s nothing weird about being afraid, we’re all afraid - just embrace the fear and deal with it by DOING. Choosing a year of adventurous things and always accepting that there will be nonstop failures.. to learn from - asking for help and seeking support outside yourself. The beauty of getting older and showing up for yourself and choosing yourself. Starting with small healthy habits. The guilt we feel for doing what’s in your own best interest when it’s not in line with what you think people need of you. Alybird.com and @thealybird
A lot of cross-contamination between this and episode #15: Through Different Lenses. I am never going to be IRL exactly what you think I am just because you know me through this podcast or my IG! The same goes with everyone else in your life. When you ACCEPT that things are the way they are, and they aren’t the way they aren’t, it becomes easier to see them as not good, not bad, just reality, and then you can deal with, and eventually grow to love and appreciate that reality, because you weren’t expecting anyone or anything else.
Fara & Liz sit down and discuss fear and how it relates to the stories we've been telling ourselves. How fear can shape creativity, interest in play, vulnerability and the way we move through the world, but also how we can exercise and adjust that narrative by giving yourself the time and space to explore and play and expand those borders. Having compassion and why it requires practice to undo the self-criticism; grace and a sense of humor + learning to share your world with others so there is less shame and loneliness in the experience. References: hsperson.com; Podcast - "On Being" - Episode with Eric Vance, The Drugs Inside Your Head. Find Fara on IG @fara_tucker_lcsw
Reframing “skill” or “strength” into the word “gift” - the sharing of your GIFTS is so crucial to your quality of life, sense of purpose and our greater success on the planet.
Where does your mind go when it wanders? Watch for patterns. Is your intuition telling you to pay attention? Listen to it, and then start showing up for life. Not sharing your gift is selfish… you CAN be doing life differently. The world is an abundant place when you recognize it - we can all win.
Reference: @danikabrysha “The Virtual Brunch Series”
@AubreyMarcus Podcast - episode with Humble the Poet, The Only Constant Is Learning
Human connectedness as a result of us all living a fine line between dark and light, order and chaos. Our impact in being related to other humans - the butterfly effect. Externalizing problems instead of dealing with the internal battle (through actually facing the issue/problem). Our ability to create from the space of facing and resolving the issue. Cleaning up the matter creates an openness to deal effectively with the problems in our lives.
This week we discuss the process of a personal or professional transformation. How to gain support of those around you, how to not be stopped by criticism from others, and how to not take yourself too seriously. Your journey is YOUR journey, and it’s no one else’s job to understand or support you in it, but FULLY your responsibility to take care to garner respect, and support your own transformation. Humans are built for community though, so authentically express your claim and, and get support where you can.
Liz shares her abundance mantra from the Lizzy Jeff episode of Almost 30, and the 10-yr plan created from Nicole Lapin’s book Rich Bitch. Shifting your language and your thinking; the power of your word and the moment you declare yourself as living into a future you decide. We go in on the work we’ve each done at Landmark, and how it has deepened our relationship with one another and how powerfully it has affected our lives, our drives, and how we relate to problems. Having emotional breakdowns and how we talk about them now with people in our lives. Sharing our feelings as women and men. The power of supporting one another and how the genders can work together and support both feminine and masculine energies - that we are all duality. Under the Skin Episodes 93 & 94 with Scarlett Curtis & Elif Shafak. The dark and light sides of humanity and how it all starts with the individual. Jordan Peterson 12 Rules for Life chaos & order and accepting both sides. The butterfly effect and the significance of our choice to take responsibility or not for our life. When you take responsibility for the messes internally, the more your external issues seem to clean themselves up more naturally. How changing the way we look at our life allows us to make space to create a new future and more effectively put the past in the past. Find Lucia @lucia_fratarcangeli
Admitting our weaknesses in order to build strength. Asking questions to ACTUALLY learn, instead of fearing looking dumb for not knowing, or googling the answer, or pretending we understand what someone is saying, and not being able to truly connect or engage in the conversation because we have no idea what’s going on. Asking questions opens up conversation, often clarifying more than just whatever is the response to the question, and dialogue for people who may not have realized the concept was unclear. We as a whole learn better from your question, and have a better chance of remembering this interaction because it became a conversation we were learning from, rather than just a statement or fact. Admitting your shortcomings requires humility and vulnerability, and is a courageous and admirable action. We are so much more creative at the level of group. Share your questions, share your thoughts; we will create a greater tomorrow in working together.
One of the many lessons I’ve learned in these last 2 months of podcasting (and 4 months total of recording) is that you can’t edit when people speak over one another, there’s no organic way to fix it. When we interrupt people (1) it derails the conversation. You don’t necessarily ever get back to the train of thought the other person was in before you (intentionally or unintentionally) changed the subject, and if it was brilliant, it’s gone. (2) It tells people that we believe whatever we have to say is more important or better than whatever you have to say. (3) You never learn. We always think we know how people will react or what they’re going to say, but we really don’t. If I am always the one speaking, I’m just recycling the same thoughts that already live between my ears, and never learning from anyone else.
How floating in shit water for too long gets comfortable and it feels so much scarier to leave and head towards an unknown future than it is to stay in the almost certain continuation of floating in shit. How it’s so hard to celebrate when there’s such guilt over leaving someone you love behind. The inauthenticity and the breakdowns in communication that existed, and how they ultimately led to my realization of discontent, and then finally that I didn’t have to stay if I didn’t want to. We all have a choice. It’s not usually easy; but it’s your own responsibility.
Online Dating and how it lends itself to cancel culture and ghosting. How the access to so many options for mates - er, I mean dates, leaves us with ineffective social skills and communication, and creates a competitive nature, where even if we aren’t actually interested in a person authentically, we want to “win” the date, and be more desired. Leaving us all dishonest, disinterested, and distracted. Loneliness epidemic doesn’t have to end here though. How to use dating apps more effectively and be more authentic on dates and throughout your life. Don’t stay on dating apps indefinitely.
Ali and Liz discuss using their schooling in unconventional and unanticipated ways. Ali opens up about her father’s recent death, a break up, and her struggle with depression throughout her youth and young adulthood. What we can do when we’re in that darkness and how important it is to ask yourself what you need and to honor whatever part of the journey you’re in Find Ali on FB at Ali Macomber and IG @alimacomber
Acknowledging my darkness and my “winter” and sharing it out loud as it's happening for the first time (Lori Harder’s Earn Your Happy Podcast: Ep 430 with Kate Northrup, author of “Do Less”). The impact of negative self talk and small actionable behaviors to kickstart reshaping the way you see the world and behave in it. The plasticity of our brains. The Self-Care Checklist, and why you need to start your day at %150 to prevent burnout (according to Danika Brysha’s Virtual Brunch Series course; Brene Brown - the Power of Authenticity) - affirmations, meditation (10% Happier by Dan Harris), journaling. Habits requiring at least 11 days to start to stick. Library App - Hoopla, and Insight Timer - free meditation app.
Liz has one of her college besties (/mentors) on to chat about her experience with the Tough Ruck as a new mom of 2. The challenges faced and overcome with the help and support of her husband and family, and how her own self care has been a gift as a result of the competition. Emma opens up about challenges of motherhood and the comparison trap, and the importance of a higher power and effectively working at communication to maintain strong and evolving relationships. Oh, and birth charts.
I’ve found that a LOT of people I am connecting with IRL who i feel would deeply benefit from listening to this podcast have either never listened to podcasts before, don’t know what a podcast is, or that listening is so outside of their realm of possibility, that even if I get them to download THIS podcast, that it might end there! In an effort to expand the collective consciousness in our world, we need to reach these people too. We need to reach all the people! There is a whole wide world of podcasting. Information that is FREELY available to anyone with internet access. Just because someone is older or younger or less hip (are we still saying “hip?”) doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be willing to try it out! Let’s give ‘em a chance. Also give this episode a listen if you listen to the same genre of podcast and are somewhat unwilling to step outside of that type.
Background of working at a peer run suicide hotline, seeing through a wider scope from parent’s careers. Brene Brown - feeling grateful for what you have, but the perspective and recognition that you can have a mostly good life and still have really shitty days. The power of sharing your trauma no matter how big or small.. The expectation of disassociation with feelings in so many fields, for men (and women), first responders, military, etc. and a kind of disregard for the mental health factor on these people. Follow James on twitter and IG @stayfit4duty
Today Liz discusses how our perspective shapes our experience, how our experience has shaped our perspective.... and both ultimately make clear that our version of reality just isn't true. The way that we experience life is inherently clouded by our life experiences. Our childhood selves shape our perception of reality as adults. Uses example of relationship with father as shaped by arguments when she was a kid - how these conversations at age 14 have impacted her life for over a decade, and how today the perspective is very different after simply deciding not to have a shitty relationship anymore.
Russell Brand’s Recovery - chapter 4 & 5
The Landmark Forum - disctinctions of "Story" vs "What Happened"
Werner Erhard of Landmark Forum
The need to connect authentically and the desire to leave a legacy. The ability to LEARN how to connect and relate. Communicating your genuine message powerfully through stepping into your authentic self @ your mom - Kellsie Moore founder of Be Marvelous You and www.camerareadyretreat.com! Finding your superpower, following your curiosity, and not letting fear stop you. You’re never going to be ready, so just stepping into it being your feelings can tell you no. Doing the inner work.
References: Lewis Howes the School of Greatness - digital detox. How easy and powerful. Rachel Hollis - Girl, Stop Apologizing. Podcasting Your Passion - @Jessicahurley_, Jen Pastiloff - On Being Human, The Landmark Forum, Brene Brown.
Most people don’t actually want advice when they come to you for it. They are looking more for support, nonjudgment and acceptance. Trusting your instincts and making our own choices instead of asking for advice. As the advice-giver, asking good questions and having hard, honest conversations to connect more deeply with what the advice-asker is really in need of. Showing compassion and stepping into another person’s situation instead of rushing to problem-solve for them.
This week Liz sits down with Joelle Samantha and discusses quitting her job as a health teacher and educating full time in a different way. Joelle talks about being an instagram/fitness personality and staying authentic to her own message. They discuss shareability through human connection and emotion (Reference: Aubrey Marcus Podcast Episode 218), & the power of vulnerably standing for your values and making change. Directly supporting people you know IRL. Boxing ourselves into labels. Follow on IG @joellesamantha
Bringing together friends from different walks of life. The anxiety around first time being a guest, bringing a guest, or allowing unknown guests at your thing. Being hospitable and inviting of newness and strange. Having new conversations, seeing new perspectives and bringing new concepts to the table in your existing friends and relationships. remembering people’s names, and love through connecting with each other.
Reference: Kwik Brain Podcast (I think episode 113 - Boost your Focus?!)
This week we sit down with Jon Potts and talk white-kid suburbia, “takers,” & helping someone when you aren’t perfect yourself. Flipping cars, their failed intervention, and when Jon stopped disliking Liz. Caring about oneself first and then the desire/ability to care for others only after self-care. Exercise leading to having your best clarity. Martial arts & confidence. The need for women to walk confidently - Ronda Rousey’s “do-nothing-bitches;" the power of words and putting effort into yourself. Not being afraid to look stupid. Follow him on IG @pottsbjj
The concept of “just a box” is from Jen Pastiloff’s On Being Human; we intentionally downplay what we’re doing because we aren’t proud, or worse, because we’re ashamed. The progress paradox is in competition and the negative side of ambition; no matter what you get/do, you always want more. If you’re “just an actress, just a waitress, just in retail…” you shape the entire experience using a negative connotation, therefore altering the experience entirely. Comparing our experience to where others are or where we "should" be, takes away from the opportunity to make NOW what we want it to be. We have the choice to show up differently.
Summary on what has gone down in the first 7 episodes so far and where we'll head going forward. Hoping to get more feedback and topics for conversation from you guys! If anything has resonated with you so far along my journey, leave me a review to show your support.
Perfectionism: not doing the job because you’re afraid of failing. Would you rather be right, or happy? Sure you can fail, but you can also learn. Failing is scary and hard, but it’s the only way we learn. Do I want to be fake happy, or do I want to actually? Being happier for ME makes me see the world differently, everything becomes possible.
Was there less depression in Europe because of more self-expression? Was their verbiage different in speaking to one another looking for honesty? Or was it because there was more weeknight socializing? Is there more honesty/directness among Europeans; or was I being more honest and therefore they were being more open too?
What do you care about and how can you step up to make a difference? Realization that you can’t outrun your problems. You can only BE YOURSELF. When you accept yourself, the rest starts to get easier.
Resources: Melissa Hartwig-Urban’s Podcast Do The Thing: Procrastination vs. Striving for Excellence.
In this episode, Cristina and Liz discuss the difficulties and fears of being the first person in a given position in a company to step out of the traditional role (and ask for more freedom, creative license and budget) then Cris' decision to start her own Public Relations company. How believing in yourself and trusting your abilities and choices impact the confidence and drive you have during the hustle season.
Above all, communicating fully with trust and respect, and having a support system in her family and especially in her marriage are what make it all work.
Cristina expresses the ups and downs of early days of entrepreneurship, and how far she’s come in her business and in her work relationships. How her daughter’s birth earlier this year has deepened her love for her husband, family and C Bee PR even more. Find her on IG: @crisbis12 and @CBeePR
Honestly you have to just listen to the episode. Alcohol, Kratom, Weed, Psychedelics and the hard stuff. And facing the hard stuff.
References:
The Insight Timer App - 5 Minutes of Self Compassion; Brene Brown - The Power of Vulnerability; The School of Greatness Podcast with Guest Cal Newport - The Power of Digital Detox; The Joe Rogan Experience - Episode 876 with Chris Bell
Living your life in the game vs. in the stands, or in our heads. In the stands is the inner critic. Brene Brown calls the Court “in the arena.” Living your life fully, like a gladiator in the arena, is taking risks and being vulnerable.
If you're in the stands for life, it can quickly pass you by; judging yourself, talking negatively towards yourself, and preventing yourself from making choices; just cheering on the game, and never being in it.
Get on the court today. Notice when you’re talking yourself down from something. The inner critic is there as a defense mechanism. He wants to keep you alive and keep you from living outside of safety and -- but instead of a life, what you get is death by sadness or boredom if you always listen to him. Remember, no one is getting out of this thing alive. Notice when your inner critic is fully controlling your life, and physically pull yourself back to reality and out of that anxiety.
References: The Landmark Forum - created by Werner Erhard; Daring Greatly - Brene Brown; On Being Human - Jen Pastiloff
Brandon (BJ) & Liz talk about the spiritual significance of Bali; Brandon's basketball career, as well as paving his own way throughout college and his Masters in college in London. How his vision, role models, and dreams worked together to push him through moments of fear and to embark on his life's greatest adventures thus far.
Liz shares some of the confronting and difficult conversations she had as a result of the Landmark Forum class in NYC 2 weeks earlier. We tackle the lessons we learn from our parents, and seeing them as humans. We are the only ones who decide how our life really turns out.
Liz & Brandon discuss the impact of support from those around you, how important it is to believe in yourself, and why we must allow our dreams to transform as we do.
It is up to us as a generation to give up our secrets. Helping each other grow and succeed will help us all rise together - no more secret recipes.
Check out BJ's recruitment company for Americans to play sports abroad at www.intlsportrecruitment.com and @intlsportrrecruitment, as well as his personal brand IG @basquiatmarley
The more you do hard things, the easier it becomes to do hard things. Everyone is imperfect and no one is lucky or without struggle.
Go after your dreams - stop settling for mundane. Communicating our needs and being more self-expressed to lead more fulfilled and honest lives. We can all make a difference, but you have to choose WHAT matters to you, and then take action.
Taking compliments - not playing small or being modest anymore. Compliment yourself. Teach yourself that it's okay to love yourself.
Recovery by Russell Brand - being of service to others improves our sense of self-worth (and gets you out of your heard for a minute usually). The Little Book of Lykke by Meik Weiking - the importance of intergenerational relationships. Give compliments and stop letting fear hold you back from making connections with people.
Abby Wombach's Wolfpack - we are all leaders. We CAN and will all make a difference.
Still working on the audio here. Really echo-ey-- skip ahead to ep 3 and come back to this one when you can listen with patience and volume control.
Explaining my three months backpacking Europe and learning to make friends and open up more to strangers. Someone doesn't have to be a close friend to share an intimate memory or story. A new perspective after traveling.
Human search for answers and purpose. Cultural universals of human struggle, and sharing in our struggles, relying on the support of the community.
We are all misfits; facing that the distraction by our screens and our activities is because we are afraid of feeling alone. Despite we live the opposite, we are all just desiring connection.
Navigating this new space. Introduction to self.
The word darkness in lieu of depression to make it more palatable; personal and vulnerable examples of struggle led to very deep human connection with others. Talking about hard things grows us in our relationships with others, but also in our own skin.
Loving yourself even though you aren't perfect. How to sit in the discomfort after talking about hurt and pain, and how to connect and laugh.
Being kind to one another as social currency. Authentic but kind.
The purpose of the hard conversations is to de-stigmatize what we’re allowed to talk about - these are the conversations that drive intimate human connection.
Struggle is what connects us. Future subjects of conversations: drugs, sex, dating, toxic relationships, friendship, addiction, depression, fear, anxiety, leaving your comfort zone, setting boundaries, body image, meditation, self development, exercising/being active,self- discipline, climate change, reducing our carbon footprint, passion projects, travel, community service, being more fulfilled, being of service to others.
It’s time to take some responsibility for our lives and our happiness. We can CHOOSE to live a happier life.
Follow on www.instagram.com/lizwithoutapillow