Unlimited: Recent Episodes
Valerie Friedlander
The Unlimited Podcast is for badass women who are on a journey to move beyond their learned limitations to live present, fun, and impactful lives. It's about reaching for the stars while keeping your feet on the ground. Your Host, Valerie Friedlander is a certified life/business alignment coach with over 20 years of science and spiritually based personal development study. You can find out more at www.valeriefriedlander.com and follow her on Instagram @unlimitedcoachval
Reclaiming Your Attention is essentially reclaiming your power. Many of us feel overwhelmed by all the things that need attention and this is by design. By examining how media and technology shape our attention, and by practicing strategies to ground ourselves in mindfulness and intentional focus, we can shift from being scattered and depleted to feeling aligned and resourced. From that place, we’re better prepared to take meaningful action in our lives.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I share some insights and tips for reclaiming your attention to focus on what matters, even when you’re overwhelmed.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Understanding Attention and who’s driving it
- Parenting in an age of social media
- Shifting out of performance and into connection
- What to do to support aligned empowerment
Thoughts or questions?
Send me a voice memo: https://www.speakpipe.com/MindsetUnlimited
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
5 Steps to Shift Habits of Perfectionism & People Pleasing with Beatriz Victoria Albina
Responsive Practices to Create a Supportive Relationship with Your Teen with Donna Lynne Booher
Empathy Isn’t the Problem
Cult of Personality – Living Colour
The Social Dilemma – Netflix Documentary
Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention – And How to Think Deeply Again – by Johann Hari
Frederic Joseph – The Death of Social in Social Media
Britannica - Attention
NPR - Nihilistic Online Networks Groom Minors to Commit Harm
This Will Hold - Groyper and Steve Bannon’s Online Machine to Radicalize Boys
Therapy Jeff – Parents of White Boys, Don’t Want Your Kid Radicalized Online? Do These 5 Things
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Perfectionism and people-pleasing aren’t bad habits—they’re survival strategies rooted in patterns of emotional outsourcing learned early in life. When you’re conditioned to regulate your nervous system through other people’s approval or needs, it can keep you stuck in cycles of over-giving, self-doubt, and disconnection from your own truth. Shifting these patterns isn’t just about changing your mindset—it’s about reclaiming your body, rebuilding self-trust, and creating relationships that honor your worth.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I invited Beatriz Victoria Albina to join me in a conversation about ending emotional outsourcing and the 5 steps to shift habits of perfectionism and people pleasing.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Why perfectionism, people-pleasing, and co-dependency are rooted in emotional outsourcing—and how that impacts your sense of safety, belonging, and worth.
- The difference between unhealthy empathy and healthy, grounded empathy (and why empathy isn’t the issue, the issue is boundaries).
- Somatic practices and the BRAVE process for shifting perfectionist and people-pleasing habits in everyday life.
- How to build self-trust and regulate stress in small, sustainable steps that support healthier, more interdependent relationships.
Thanks for listening!
Have thoughts on this episode? Send me a voice memo: https://www.speakpipe.com/MindsetUnlimited
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Empathy Isn’t the Problem
Things to Say Cheat Sheet
Dr. Resmaa
Kai Cheng Thom
CONNECT WITH BEATRIZ
Website
Order the book “End Emotional Outsourcing”
Feminist Wellness Podcast
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
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Listen to the Unlimited Playlist
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
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Bite size mindset shifts can make a big difference during stressful times to help you engage intentionally instead of reactively. Compassionate accountability helps us embrace our humanity while challenging our status quo. Here we’re focusing on simple, practical tools, and encouragement as we navigate these difficult times.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I share some bite size mindset shifts for stressful times to help you show up in a sustainable way.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Consider how you talk to yourself – don’t let the times define you
- Changing how you think about taking action to stay purposeful and sustainable
- Overcoming overwhelm when things are really overwhelming
- Stay true to your moral compass and overcoming discomfort conditioning
Thanks for listening! Have thoughts or questions about this episode? Share them with me!
Send me a voice memo: https://www.speakpipe.com/MindsetUnlimited
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
the restlab podcast with Jordan Maney: Rest So You Can Rage
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
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This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
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Honoring menopause as a life stage, not just a phase to get through acknowledges the weight of this transition. We live in a society that hasn’t given much room to understanding women’s bodies. While there is more information now than before, there are still large gaps in support for the physical, mental, and emotional experience of menopause. Too often, women don’t even begin to ask for information until we are already experiencing the challenges of shifting hormones. We turn to managing symptoms instead of caring for this pivotal transition.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I invited Marelda Rodrigues to join me in a conversation about honoring menopause as a life stage and yourself as deserving of care.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Experiencing grief in physical transitions
- Societal norms, gaps in information, and becoming an advocate for yourself
- Health and self-care look different in different phases of life
- Slowing down and making room to learn your new body
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
NPR – Doctors Urge FDA to Remove Warning On Hormone Therapy for Menopause
Last Week Tonight – Make America Healthy Again
Collaborative Leadership from Boardroom to Patient-Centered Caregiving episode
CONNECT WITH MARELDA
Website
Instagram – Decide to Heal
Instagram – Sovereign Becoming
Menopause Guide
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
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Listen to the Unlimited Playlist
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Flexible routines for real life don’t come from a one-size-fits-all approach — no matter what the countless books and “success” formulas claim. Everyone’s life, capacity, and circumstances are different, and we all need space to account for how both direct and indirect events impact our time, energy, and priorities. Prescriptive systems that ignore this reality dismiss our lived experiences and fuel self-doubt. Instead of forcing yourself into someone else’s mold, you deserve routines that honor your humanity, support your energy, and meet you where you are. What works for you today might not work next month, and that’s okay. Structure and flexibility both have a role in building a system that works for you.
In this replay episode, I explore how to create flexible routines for real life that still incorporate structure but in a way that allows you to adapt when life shifts without losing yourself in the process.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode includes:
- How to bake flexibility into your plans
- Determining routines that support you
- Meeting yourself where you’re at in creating new habits
- Understanding the relationship between time and energy
- Exercises to assess where you’re spending your energy
If you’ve been feeling stretched thin, scattered, or drained, this conversation will help you design a daily rhythm that supports you — not just your to-do list.
Have thoughts or questions about this episode? Share them with me!
Send me a voice memo: https://www.speakpipe.com/MindsetUnlimited
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 7 – Can I Make Plans Yet
Reclaim Your Routine Workshop Series
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
Schedule an exploration call
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Send me a text!
Support the show
Empathy isn’t the problem—but lately, some voices claim that it is, arguing that empathy leads to irrational decisions or even “civilizational suicide.” If you’re someone who cares deeply, you probably reject the idea that empathy is a threat to society. In fact, you likely believe we need more empathy in the world, not less. Yet at the same time, you might find yourself struggling with empathy exhaustion & wondering how to stay engaged without burning out. This episode is to help you unpack how this flawed argument is connected to your exhaustion & how you can stay engaged in meaningful social change while caring for yourself as a compassionate person.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I explore how empathy is a complex human capacity we need to understand to avoid manipulation & prevent burnout.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Unmasking the manipulation of empathy in political & media narratives
- Breaking the cycle of empathy & self-erasure
- Understanding compassion fatigue
- Engaging practical tools for emotional resilience
Thoughts or questions? Share them with me!
https://www.speakpipe.com/MindsetUnlimited
EPISODES REFERENCED:
How to Avoid Overwhelm and Access Joy
How to Prioritize Your Needs (Beyond Maslow)
How to Navigate Societal Gaslighting & Stay Empowered
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Darwin Misunderstood
Interview with Sam Altman
Suicidal Empathy critique
Nazi Mind
Are Billionaires Good For Society?
The People’s Media Project
From Compassion Fatigue to Resilience
Hypernormalization
Dr. Scott Lyons
In Defense of Empathy
Why a Lack of Empathy Is the Root of All Evil
Social Change Now
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Valerie’s newsletter
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This podcast was produced by VF Coaching
Proud member of FPC
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3 steps to building self-support in your work is essential for anyone experiencing any level of career instability. Whether you're questioning your path and considering a career change, dealing with layoffs, or feeling the strain of unclear goals and shifting expectations, these practices can provide a supportive space to discern your next step. Cultivating your ability to check in with yourself and make aligned choices empowers a sense of resilience even in an ever-changing professional landscape. You deserve to know what you need and to take up space in asking for it – even if it’s just the space to make an intentional decision.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I invited Miriam Raquel Sands to join me in a conversation about engaging 3 steps to building self-support in your work and beyond.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The tension between stability and self-discovery in work.
- Unpacking career as identity and the emotional charge of non-linear careers
- Finding your way through self-reflection and aligning actions with values—not just external expectations.
- Creating a support structure with awareness of whether your environment truly supports your well-being
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
The Second Brain by Michael Gershon
Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything by Bj Fogg
Strozzi Institute
Resilience Through Unexpected Career Shifts
Leaning Into a Mid-Life Career Change
CONNECT WITH RAQUEL
Website
Podcasts
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
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This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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How to Avoid Overwhelm and Access Joy in a Time of Change begins with recognizing our shared human struggle to maintain emotional equilibrium during turbulent periods. The journey involves understanding that our stress responses are natural support mechanisms, not personal failures, and learning to engage them with compassion and intentionality. By embracing our nervous system's signals and creating flexible, value-aligned routines, we can transform overwhelming experiences into opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Connecting with our inner landscape and broader ecosystems allows us to move beyond survival mode, accessing deeper reservoirs of resilience and joy that aren't dependent on external circumstances. This approach isn't about achieving some mythically perfect calm, but about cultivating a compassionate relationship with ourselves that honors our shared humanity and supports our capacity to show up authentically in a complex world.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I explore how to avoid overwhelm and access joy in a time of change through embodied empowerment rather than toxic positivity.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- The difference between disassociating and self-care
- The role of your stress response and how you can respond to it.
- Making space for rest and recharging
- Schedule changes, to do lists, and creating routines that support you
- Connecting to an ecosystem for social change (because it can’t just be you)
LINKS TO EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
7 Ways to Relax this Summer and Beyond
How to Create a Schedule that Works for You
Embracing Periods of Reflection
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Valarie Kaur speech clip on Instagram
Social Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and Connection by Deepa Iyer
Deepa Iyer Substack article: Grieve, Connect, Act, Reflect, Correct. (Repeat)
Valerie’s “Social Change Now” Study Group interest form
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
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This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Finding alignment and the ability to return to yourself again and again supports resiliency as you navigate the waves of life. Alignment isn’t a fixed state we achieve once and then maintain effortlessly—it’s something we come back to again and again. It’s especially important during times of transition, uncertainty, or change. When things feel off, it’s not a sign of failure, but often a signal to pause and check in. This practice of reconnecting to yourself helps you make choices that reflect who you are and what you value. Whether you’re facing a major life shift or engaging the small, repeated decisions of daily life, cultivating a relationship with yourself through the practice of alignment helps make clarity feel more accessible and easeful.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I invited Kim Romain to join me in a conversation about cultivating a practice that supports finding alignment and the ability to return to yourself again and again.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- How to tell the difference between belonging and fitting in
- What alignment really feels like—and why it's not about perfection
- Understanding supportive resilience (as opposed to the societally weaponized)
- Reclaiming your power to choose, even in hard moments
Through this episode, you’ll learn how to work with alignment as a living practice—one that supports clarity, resilience, and choice through both major transitions and everyday moments.
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Empowered & Embodied Show episodes referenced:
Finding Your Center in the Midst of Chaos
Personal Agency and Systemic Awareness
Mindset Unlimited episodes referenced:
Why Work Life Balance is a Myth
How to Create Belonging with Amena Chaudhry
CONNECT WITH KIM
Website
Substack
YouTube
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
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Listen to the Unlimited Playlist
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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“Where do we go from here” is a common question when we encounter a crossroads in life. Whether a transition is big or small, each point is an invitation learn more about yourself and choose what is aligned for the person you are becoming. This episode engages two types of transition reflection. First the riptide transition point, when you realize you’ve unconsciously slid back into ways of being you thought you’d moved away from. Second the seismic transition point, when something outside your control cracks your stability. Though vastly different levels of outward impact, they both impact who you understand yourself to be in relation to your life. Radical self-compassion and connecting with trusted others for support allow the room to intentionally answer where do we go from here.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I explore ways we answer the question “Where do we go from here” through reflections on this podcast and speaking to federal workers facing layoffs.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Why I started this podcast
- My relationship to podcasting & perfectionism
- My background in Sociology
- A letter to Federal Workers
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
Assigned Reading by Becky Mollenkamp
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
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Schedule an exploration call
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
Send me a text!
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Cultivating an intentional community is a powerful and critical antidote to the disconnection fed by our current societal structures and now is the time to cultivate. I say that because we’re living in a time where those structures are breaking down. Our individualistic, hierarchical culture is hitting its limits, and it feels rather like it’s composting itself. But compost makes great soil, and with intention, we can use that breakdown to grow something new.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited sisters Nancy and Amy Harrington to join me in a conversation about cultivating intentional community and the shifts that support connection, collaboration, and care.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Rebuilding trust in relationships with other women
- Redefining leadership—from hierarchy to a circle of self and co-leadership
- Developing community agreements rooted in consent, care, and shared responsibility
- Practicing the power of asking, receiving, and mutual support
Through this episode, you’ll gain inspiration and ideas for building community rooted in belonging, consent, and care.
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
262 Women’s Project with Deb Drummond
Dia Bondi – Communication Coach
Becky Mollenkamp
Cher Hale – On the Death of Mentorship
CONNECT WITH AMY AND NANCY:
Website
The Passionistas Project Sisterhood
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
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What’s really draining your energy isn’t solely the stressors in your life but the patterns you’ve learned to deal with them. If you’re feeling emotionally drained, constantly second-guessing yourself, or stuck in a cycle of over-responsibility and burnout—you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. The ways your unconscious has learned to help you may no longer support the life you want. While the state of the world is undeniably overwhelming, many of the most persistent energy drains come from within—especially in how we respond to stress, pressure, and high expectations. In this real-life Energy Leadership Index (ELI) debrief, I walk through a coaching session with a creative, purpose-driven client who’s feeling depleted. Together, we explore how her energy is shaped by both external stressors and internal beliefs, including guilt around setting boundaries, fear of letting others down, and the pressure to always get things right.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, you’ll hear Valerie use the Energy Leadership Index Assessment Debrief to help a client explore the question: “What’s really draining your energy and how can you reclaim it using your strengths?”
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- What the Energy Leadership Index (ELI) Assessment is and how it works
- The 7 levels of energy and how they influence stress, mindset, and behavior
- How your energy levels can lead to exhaustion, motivation, and or both
- Identifying practical strategies that fit you when it comes to supports like setting boundaries and honoring your capacity
If you’re navigating stress, fatigue, or emotional exhaustion and want insight into how to reclaim your energy and feel more empowered, this episode is for you.
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Sign up for the Energy Leadership Index Assessment Use Code APRILELI for $150 off!
Unlocking Your Leadership Energy episode
You’re More Than Your Personality Test episode
Toxic Positivity episode
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
Apply to be coached on the podcast
Schedule an exploration call
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
Send me a text!
Support the show
Unlocking your leadership energy isn't just for executives—it's for anyone navigating life's complex challenges. In this episode, I dive deep into how we can shift from reactive stress responses to intentional, powerful action. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by uncertainty or stuck in unproductive patterns, I'll share transformative insights from the Energy Leadership Index (ELI) that can help you understand your inner dynamics, break free from limiting beliefs, and step into a more empowered version of yourself. Join me as we explore practical strategies to lead more effectively, both in your personal life and professional journey.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I explore a specialized tool to facilitate unlocking your leadership energy, so you can act with intention instead of reacting from stress.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Why understanding your energy patterns is key to responding rather than reacting in high-stress situations.
- How the ELI differs from personality tests and provides actionable insights for leadership and resilience.
- The seven levels of energy and how they shape your mindset, communication, and decision-making.
- Practical steps to start shifting your energy today—even if you don’t take the assessment.
Through this episode you’ll gain insights, a framework, and a reflection tool to engage stress proactively without toxic positivity.
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Sign up for the Energy Leadership Index Assessment
Forbes article Best Tests to Help You Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses
You’re More Than Your Personality Test episode
Identifying Your True Goals with Amy Pons episode
Stress Release Strategies guide
PROMOTIONAL LINK: Queer News with Anna Deshawn
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
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Schedule an exploration call
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
Send me a text!
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Identifying your true goals is the starting point to transforming your life from the inside out. In this powerful episode of Mindset Unlimited, I sit down with fellow Chicago-based life coach, Amy Pons, to unpack the powerful journey of breaking through learned limitations and discovering your authentic path. We explore how to lead from your truth center, navigate uncertainty, and create meaningful shifts in your life by embracing gratitude, curiosity, and self-discovery. If you're feeling stuck, yearning for authentic growth, or ready to unlearn societal conditioning, this conversation offers practical insights and inspiring perspectives on reclaiming your personal power and designing a life that truly resonates with your soul.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I invited Amy Pons (she/her), a healer and life coach, to join me in a conversation about identifying your true goals so that you can find and lead your life from your truth center.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The importance of the journey and what you accrue along the way matters as much or even more than the end goal
- Claiming your power begins by releasing control of what’s not yours
- Gratitude, embracing duality, curiosity and other ways to support a mindset shift
- When to get a coach and how to choose the right fit
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
The Human Array
Women Making Moves: Coaches on Coaching with Valerie Friedlander
CONNECT WITH AMY:
Website
Amy on LinkedIn
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Website
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
Apply to be coached on the podcast
Schedule an exploration call
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
Send me a text!
Support the show
Planting seeds of hope is a radical act of resilience during times of uncertainty and upheaval. When fear threatens to paralyze us, hope becomes our most powerful tool. Spring invites us into the sacred work of seeding dreams—not for immediate gratification, but with generational wisdom. We may not personally witness the full bloom of our efforts, but there is profound joy in tending to what matters most, knowing our actions create pathways for future generations.
In this episode of Your Mindset Unlimited, I explore how we start planting seeds of hope that inspire aligned action.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- The evolution of the podcast and what to expect this season
- How to harness spring's creative energy for personal growth
- Strategies for overcoming fear and embracing discomfort
- The importance of community and connection in achieving our goals
Through this episode you’ll access hope through the possibilities inherent in aligned, purposeful action.
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
The Wildwood Tarot: Wherein Wisdom Resides
Let this Radicalize You: Organizing and the Revolution of Reciprocal Care
Parable of the Sower
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Ask Valerie (anonymous form)
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This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Vulnerability and tending to what is important is particularly critical in a chaotic time. After my wrapping my interview with Cher Hale, she inquired into my next steps around demanding attention. As listeners who gift me your attention, it seemed appropriate to share with you my own in the moment reflections on attention and what’s important about it to me. Together, Cher and I share insights around unlearning supremacy conditioning, the power of community, and the transformative impact of nervous system work. This pre-season bonus episode offers a glimpse into aspects of my personal growth journey along with an update on the status of this podcast.
In this episode of Unlimited, Cher Hale (she/her), invited me to explore my relationship to vulnerability and tending to what is important.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- My personal reflections on vulnerability, emotional safety, and the impact of supremacy culture
- The importance of community, storytelling, and doing things that matter rather than just looking good
- The role of nervous system work in building the courage to ask for what I need
- My process of unpacking individualistic thinking and hierarchies to reclaim my own agency
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:Carmen Spagnola – The Numinous Network (Safe and Sound Protocol)
How to Create Belonging with Amena Chaudhry
CONNECT WITH CHER:Substack: For the Attention
Website
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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LinkedIn
BlueSky
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Navigating change in the new year without the overwhelm can feel like a lot—especially when life feels messy, uncertain, or heavy. Real change starts with understanding the waters we swim in (ie the pressures of our social norms) and engaging our internalized patterns as well as the emotions and discomfort of stepping into the unknown. We must unhook from perfectionism, certainty and results, and lean into the experience of an emergent process. When we take time to understand why change feels so challenging and what support we need to move through it, we can create space for growth and align with what truly matters. This work is crucial because it shapes not only how we show up for ourselves but also how we show up and shape change in our relationships, communities, and the systems we’re part of.
**In this episode of Unlimited, I share reflections on societal patterns and self-awareness in navigating change in the new year.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:**
- Practical tools for tough conversations
- Engaging your stress response
- Tools to check in, support yourself, and make clear decisions
- How to interrupt bigotry to shift norms
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:Holiday Stress Support
Ask Valerie
Mindset Assessment discount code ELI2025
Coaching session – community pricing model
Exploration call
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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Healing our relationship with attention begins with noticing the ways in which our natural need for attention has been damaged. In a society that commodifies attention and polices who and what is allowed attention, we develop a distorted relationship with a core aspect of how we connect to each other. This disconnection feeds feelings of isolation and loneliness, leaving us vulnerable to systems that exploit our need to feel seen and heard. By addressing the shame around seeking attention and understanding its role in genuine connection, we can start to reclaim our capacity for presence, care, and community in a way that fosters deeper relationships and collective healing.
**In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Cher Hale (she/her), to join me in a conversation about the weaponization of attention and healing our relationship with attention.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:**
- The stigmatization of seeking attention
- Shifting from unhealthy to intentional attention
- Individualism’s role in loneliness and disconnection
- Using visibility for collective empowerment
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:The Slow Build to & the Life-Saving Payoff of Asking for Attention
The Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls by Mona Eltahawy
Learning Self-Advocacy to Strengthen Collective Action with Jenique Jones
Swimmy by Leo Lionni
Holiday Stress Support
CONNECT WITH CHER:Substack: For the Attention
Website
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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Facebook
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Responsive practices to create a supportive relationship with your teen starts with acknowledging your own inner child’s unhealed wounds so that you can create space in yourself to hold space for another. These wounds often become activated when we see them mirrored in our children’s behavior. Unfortunately, the tools we were taught to address these behaviors often perpetuate the very patterns we hope to break. Whether you have teenagers now, are preparing for those years, or are working to shift your own patterns, understanding these dynamics and embracing new practices can help you show up more fully for your kids—and can also be deeply validating for your own healing journey.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Donna Lynne Booher (she/her), to join me in a conversation about engaging Responsive Practices to Create a Supportive Relationship with Your Teen
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Understanding how to give emotional validation
- Breaking free from perfectionism
- Developing trust and improving communication
- Holding space for your kid’s evolving identity
CONNECT WITH DONNA:LinkedIn
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Navigating tough conversations with emotional awareness is a critical skill as we are all likely to need to engage difficult dialogues, especially during this time of heightened political and social tensions. These types of conversations can be emotionally taxing, and it's important we approach them with both strong self-awareness and self-care. Our ability to show up authentically, compassionately, and aligned with the change we want to see in the world as we interact with others is directly tied to our own inner work.
**In this episode of Unlimited, I offer insights and tools for navigating tough conversations with emotional awareness.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:**
- Practical tools for tough conversations
- Engaging your stress response
- Tools to check in, support yourself, and make clear decisions
- How to interrupt bigotry to shift norms
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Read This to Get Smarter: About Race, Class, Gender, Disability & More By Blair Imani
Blair Imani Instagram on tough conversations
Shenikka Moore-Clarke, MSW, LICSW The Healing Vibe Therapist
How to avoid sharing election misinformation - NPR
Understanding Your Stress Language
Stress Release Strategy Guide
BOOK A PAY WHAT YOU CAN COACHING SESSION
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Learning self-advocacy to strengthen collective action is a critical component of sustainable social change. Those of us socialized as women are often conditioned to prioritize supporting others, which can make self-advocacy more difficult. However, by connecting to our own value and values, and speaking up for ourselves even when it’s uncomfortable, we lead by example and inspire others to do the same. Cultivating this sense of self and worth strengthens our resilience, reducing fragility when engaging with diverse perspectives. It also empowers us to lead collaboratively and contribute to collective action, rather than remaining trapped in hierarchical, individualistic, and oppressive ways of being.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Jenique Jones (she/her), Executive Director at WhyHunger, to join me in a conversation around social change through learning self-advocacy to strengthen collective action.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The impact of how you talk to yourself
- Asking questions as advocacy for equity
- Collaborative vs authoritarian leadership
- Food and music as bridges for connection
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:The Pressure to Love Your Job with Cristin Downs
Micro-Actions to Manifest Big Change with Taina Brown
Dealing with Impostor Syndrome
CONNECT WITH JENIQUE:Website
LinkedIn
WhyHunger Instagram
WhyHunger TikTok
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Embracing periods of reflection, introspection, and processing is a crucial but often overlooked and devalued aspect of personal and societal growth and change. To create real shifts in the world’s imbalances, we must first engage with the internalized patterns and conditioning that hold us back. This self-work not only deepens the impact of our efforts, but also cultivates more intentional, present, and joyful relationships. However, by undervaluing these periods of reflection and recalibration, society continues to perpetuate oppressive systems. If we aim to truly create change, we must honor these cycles of introspection, building the resilience, creativity, and effectiveness needed to dismantle harmful structures and shape the world we want to live in.
**In this episode of Unlimited, I explore and strive to coalesce my thoughts around the importance of embracing periods of reflection.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:**
- Cycles of life and the value of “winter”
- What we get wrong about routines
- Systems of oppression and dominance
- Building supports to doing something different
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:Micro-Actions to Manifest Big Change with Taina Brown
The Pressure to Love Your Job with Cristin Downs
Supporting Changes in Your Life
Black Liturgies post on Instagram
Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde
This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color
This Here Flesh by Cole Arthur Riley
Rustin on Netflix
The National SEED Project
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Being intentional with when to say yes isn’t just considering yes vs no. Intentionality also involves how you engage internal resistance to what you say you want to do. There are many reasons you might experience tension and resistance even when you want to do something. First, it could highlight an area that needs clarification or additional discernment. Your subconscious will send you signals when it perceives potential danger including from a values conflict or past experiences. Second, it could be a warning around your capacity. That doesn’t mean don’t do it, but it may mean obtaining additional information and/or support. Remember saying yes isn’t just for giving and doing but also for receiving.
**In this episode of Unlimited, I explore being intentional with when to say yes and when there’s subsequent resistance around then doing the thing.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:**
- Values assessment to identify internal conflicts
- Overcoming resistance from fear
- Preventing burnout cycles from misalignment
- Capacity and additional agreements to consider when saying yes
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Micro-Actions to Manifest Big Change with Taina Brown
How to Say No Without Guilt
Clarifying What You Want
How Do I Find What I Really Want
Dealing with Burnout Beyond the 9-5
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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Supporting Changes in your life means reconnecting to your power in your relationship to change. It allows you to transform the patterns that aren’t serving you during the transition period, rather than carrying them with you into a new space. Unfortunately, what often happens is that changes in our life feel in some way like they're imposed upon us, even when they're ones that we choose because the ripple effect of those changes are typically things that we get carried along by, rather than ones we intentionally curate.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore a process for supporting changes in your life with holistic intentionality and without exhausting yourself.Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- The power to transform patterns during life transitions
- Navigating the cognitive and emotional load involved in life changes
- How to manage overwhelm and make aligned decisions
- Tools to support yourself through change
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Reclaim Your Routine Workshop Series
Dealing with Impostor Syndrome (podcast episode)
Redefining Our Relationship to Productivity (podcast episode)
Loving Yourself Through Grief (podcast episode)
The Courage to Change (podcast episode)
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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Collaborative Leadership from Boardroom to Patient-Centered Caregiving is essential for fostering effective relationships between CEOs and board members, as well as between healthcare professionals and patients. This approach not only enhances organizational dynamics but also improves patient outcomes by prioritizing communication, trust, and shared goals. By empowering all stakeholders and embracing transparency, collaborative leadership creates an environment where diverse perspectives are valued, and innovative solutions can emerge to address complex challenges in healthcare and beyond.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Heather Maurer (she/her) CEO of the National Association of Nurse Practitioners in Women’s Health to join me in a conversation around advancing collaborative leadership from boardroom to patient-centered caregiving.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Listening to yourself, saying no, and respecting your own expertise and role
- Empowerment vs control and collaborative decision-making
- Building trust through transparency, time, and accountability
- Separating systems and humans as we advocate
- Ways to support asking for what you need
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:Cultivating Collaboration Over Competition
Navigating Our Relationship with Death
CONNECT WITH HEATHER:Website
Instagram
LinkedIn
Her Health Matters Podcast
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Micro-actions to manifest big change is key because we can often feel overwhelmed by the changes we want to make in our own life, let alone the change we’d like to see in the world. The best part is micro-actions naturally build on themselves. First and most obviously, they provide momentum as you do the next thing and then the next thing. Second, they teach our brain what to focus on, so we notice more opportunities to access or create what we want. Understanding how our brain relates to our behavior can allow you to take small, totally doable steps that will naturally move you forward.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Taina Brown (she/her) to join me in a conversation around using micro-actions to manifest big change in your life and in the world.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Building momentum to manifest what you want
- Hacking your brain’s algorithm
- Feeding abundance vs scarcity
- Identifying a micro-action to take
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
How to Manifest What you Want
Reclaiming Creativity and Healing Through Art
Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown
CONNECT WITH TAINA:Website
Instagram
LinkedIn
Messy Liberation Podcast
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Realigning your core values requires exploring both what is consciously important to you AND your societal conditioning. Your values, both conscious and subconscious, shape your decisions and motivate our behavior. If you find yourself feeling stuck, drained, or sabotaging what you say you want, it’s likely you have a subconscious values conflict. There are 5 values that I regularly find creating conflict within my high-achieving clients. They are responsibility, reliability, respect, achievement, and discipline. During a period of change, particularly societal change, it is both crucial and powerful to examen these driving forces within yourself. The patterns are more noticeable AND values work can ensure that you are living in alignment with what you want to create in your life and in the world, rather than sliding into reactivity.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore a process for realigning your core values so you can make more intentional choices that honor who you want to be.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Differentiating between internalized values and intentional, conscious values
- How to align your values with your desired way of being
- The values of Responsibility, Reliability, Respect, Achievement, and Discipline.
- Engaging values to improve the quality and sustainability of your motivation
- The updated values of Valerie Friedlander Coaching
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fearing The Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia
Stop Being Nice and Start Being Resilient
More Self-Control Is Not Always The Answer
About Me
Shift from Drained to Motivated
Free Exploration Session
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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Navigating our relationship with death is a profound part of our human experience, yet we often avoid talking about it. This avoidance not only prevents us from asking for and receiving care, it also reduces our capacity to provide care. Additionally, we must be able to embrace our mortality (rather than trying to transcend it) in order to fully embrace living this one precious life. Death doulas are a valuable resource for those looking for support around the emotional, practical, and spiritual dynamics of death.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Nikki Smith (she/her) to join me in a conversation around navigating our relationship with death.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- What is a death doula
- Allowing space for grieving, whatever that looks like for you
- Engaging our fear of death to fully embrace life
- How to find care as you navigate death and grief
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Good Grief with Nikki the Death Doula - Understanding Hospice
For those in Chicago, IL looking for estate planning, check out Emily Rozwadowski Law (reference this podcast for 10% off estate planning documents)
CONNECT WITH NIKKI:
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“Three Essentials to Maximize Your Experience at an Event” provides a strategy to keep your planning simple and ensure you get the most out of your investment of time, money, and energy. Some of the obstacles to event ROI include overwhelm, self-doubt, shiny object, peer pressure, FOMO, and other such distractions. Additionally, the so called “mom guilt” is a common struggle for high-achieving women with children at home. With these kinds of challenges, you need something simple to support both strategic pre-event planning and at event discernment.
In this episode I explore the 3 essentials to maximize your experience at an event whether it’s a professional conference or personal development retreat.Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Exploring the relationship between your values and the event
- Preparing for an event with priorities and boundaries
- Planning supports and follow up during and after the event
- Creating accountability systems
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can send me a message through the "text me" link on your listening platform, shoot
me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com, or DM me on Instagram
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding (an episode on values, plus “mom guilt”)
Shift from Drained to Motivated (an episode on values)
Silencing Your Inner Critic
One time coaching session
Exploration call
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Redefining our relationship to productivity is a necessary component of preventing burnout and cultivating well-being. Our current societal relationship to productivity is built on Industrial Revolution era conception of work ethic. This conception wraps our value into what we can produce, dehumanizing us in the process. In order to rehumanize our relationship to our energy, we must first reclaim our worth separate from external measures of production. Additionally we must learn to tap into our values and honor our capacity as we prioritize our energy usage.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Lisa Zawrotny (she/her) to join me in a conversation about redefining our relationship to productivity to support our mental health and well-being.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The Industrial Revolution’s influence on how we understand productivity
- Choosing where to utilize your energy based on your capacity
- Clarifying your values and releasing shoulds
- The glorification of overwork and weaponization of urgency
- Defining enough for goal setting and knowing YOU are enough
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Rethinking Empowerment and Releasing Comparison
Loving Yourself Through Grief
Why Work Life Balance is a Myth
The Myths Around Productivity
CONNECT WITH LISA:
Website
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Pinterest
Podcast
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Tending your self-relationship through values & shadow work helps you engages the roots of your motivation and how you live your life. Our values form the basis of our core motivations. Shadow work helps us acknowledge and heal the wounds that inhibit awareness and access to our full self. While we live in a world full of obstacles to self-expression, this work will always be an ongoing process. By engaging focused value and shadow reflections, we can better align our actions with what really matters most to us, nurture important relationships, and live purposefully.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Erica Courdae (she/her) to join me in a conversation about the practical wisdom that supports tending our self-relationship through values & shadow work.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Exploring values for the foundation of your decisions and relationships
- Making values actionable and measurable to ensure alignment
- Values work is ongoing, non-linear journey than involves seeking into our shadow
- Overcoming fear and false security to genuinely heal and grow
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Cowboy Carter
Listen to The Unlimited Podcast Playlist
CONNECT WITH ERICA:
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Book
Free Shadow Work Mini-Course
Podcast
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Cultivating collaboration over competition is essential in today's interconnected world. We don't exist in a vacuum; our social understanding and discernment must be engaged collectively. The spaces we inhabit, like social media platforms, exert significant influence on our interactions, sometimes more than our intentions to be collaborative versus competitive. The Religious Society of Friends, commonly known as Quakers, is structured around a corporate discernment process rather than dogma. I’ve found “Quaker process” offers valuable support and guidance for fostering collaboration, emphasizing collective decision-making over individualistic competition.
In this episode I share insights from my personal struggles and inspirations around cultivating collaboration over competition in the spaces I occupy.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Social media influencer soundbites
- Finding the answers that aren’t inside you
- Organizational problem solving
- Slowing down and making space
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can send me a message through the "text me" link on your listening platform, shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com, or DM me on Instagram
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Reclaiming Creativity and Healing Through Art with Krishna Kayastha
The Atheist’s Guide to Quaker Process
Friends General Conference (for more on Quakers)
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Reclaiming creativity and healing through art is essential because you’re innately creative, even if you’re someone who wouldn’t label yourself as “a creative.” Many of people learn to disconnect from their creativity as children because self-expression doesn’t feel safe, pressure to do art “right” surrounded it with perfectionism, and internalized productivity prioritizing. All of these have an impact on our mental health. This is why reclaiming space for creativity for creativity sake can be integral in a healing journey. Additionally, having space held for you can be healing for access to your authentic expression.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Krishna Kayastha (she/her) to join me in a conversation about reclaiming creativity and healing through art.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Lessons learned through motherhood
- Releasing perfectionism and embracing play
- Supporting your mental health through journaling
- The necessity of allowing yourself space
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Artist's Way
CONNECT WITH KRISHNA:
Website
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Weekly Journal Prompts
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Foundations for authentic public relations support building solid connections whether you are an organization or individual. The value of truly listening to others, understanding different perspectives and pathways toward a goal, and then following through on what you learn cannot be overstated. These principles of communication and relationship building are critical to create an impact and drive meaningful change in a way that respects all people. Giving the space to engage in a relational process is not easy in the world of urgency and sound bites but it’s necessary for authentically engaging the public.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Catharine Montgomery (she/her) to join me in a conversation about how to set and sustain the foundations for authentic public relations.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- People pleasing vs listening and serving
- The importance of follow through to build trust
- Evaluating your purpose and priorities
- Ensuring alignment with clear expectations
- Patience with the info gathering process
CONNECT WITH CATHARINE MONTGOMERY
Website
LinkedIn
Medium
Threads
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Understanding the 5 Love Languages has helped facilitate communication for many people but it has numerous limitations. While the 5 Love Languages has become an extremely popular relationship tool, it’s not a fix-all and it may not be the right approach for everyone. What about this tool makes it helpful and where it falls short can help you determine if and how to apply it in your own life.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m exploring understanding the 5 Love Languages and how to apply it appropriately in your own life.Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- What are the 5 Love Languages
- Limitations of the 5 Love Languages model
- Learning what you need and communicating it
- Reflections to support self-love
- Tips to use the 5 Love Languages model
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
5 Love Languages Website
The 5 Love Languages Book
Is There Science Behind the 5 Love Languages
Building a Relationship to Pleasure and Intimacy with Daniela Stevens
Understanding Your Stress Language
Stress Language Quiz
HS Emotion Wheels & Needs Wheels
Ask Val Form
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Building a relationship to pleasure and intimacy takes a lot of intention in this society that still treats talking about sex as taboo. So many people struggle with intimacy due to lack of communication, trauma, and societal conditioning to disconnect from their bodies and desires. Improving intimacy requires us to unlearn harmful norms and relearn our embodied self. Tools like love languages and embodied practices can help us engage in conscious communication with partners. It helps to create a safe container to explore these sensitive topics compassionately, gain perspective on cultivating more fulfilling relationships.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Daniela Stevens (she/they) to join me in a conversation about how to meet yourself where you’re at as you build a relationship to pleasure and intimacy.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Breaking the rules we assume in romantic relationships
- Learning to love yourself and listen to your body
- Shifting from goals to intentions in sex
- The pressure to perform and recovering from ways we disconnect
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
How to Create Belonging with Amena Chaudhry
2017 Medium Article - Why Men Keep Demanding Sex from their Partners Over and Over
Monsters In Love: Why Your Partner Sometimes Drives You Crazy—And What You Can Do About It by Resmaa Menakem
CONNECT WITH DANIELA STEVENS
Website
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Free Gift for deeper sexual connection
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Creating healthy relationships in all areas of our life is the focus of this season of Unlimited. A relationship is how we relate to another person, place, thing, or even concept. How we relate to ourselves is at the core of how we relate to others. Yet, how we understand and relate to ourselves is also built from those external relationships. Unfortunately, most of us haven’t been taught how to cultivate healthy relationships let alone experienced examples of them. In many cases we need to first unlearn harmful ways of relating before we can learn healing ways of relating. First, we’ll lay a foundation of understanding healthy and unhealthy relating. Then, over the next several months, we’ll explore how it applies to all areas of our life.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m kicking off the focus of season 4 by setting a foundation for creating healthy relationships.Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Understanding relationships beyond the interpersonal
- Qualities of healthy relationships like trust, honesty, communication, and self-awareness
- Relationship red flags like control, disrespect, imbalances, and hurtful language
- Building self-trust and growing through conflict
- What to expect in Season 4 of Unlimited
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Tips for Building a Stronger Relationship
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Discover valuable New Year transition tips in this Season 3 wrap-up for the Unlimited Podcast. The period between one cycle and the next is a great time to reflect both on where you’ve been and where you’re going. It’s important to create supportive space to engage and focus that reflection. You can set that foundation through honoring your humanity and connecting to what’s really important to you. Celebrating helps you acknowledge yourself even in the small spaces we too often overlook. From there you can create the next phase of your life.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into a season 3 wrap-up and new year transition tips to help you maximize the time between this cycle and the next.Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Review of Season Three
- What’s coming in Season Four
- Creating aligned focus in the new year (If you want to skip the recap, the tips start about 15 mins in)
- Supports for you in 2024
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Setting Healthy Boundaries
How to Say No Without Guilt
What to Do When You’ve Fallen Behind
A Simple Way to End the Year Strong – Seeds For Growth Presentation
The Unlimited Podcast Mix
Rest is Resistance – A Manifesto by Tricia Hersey
You're More Than Your Personality Test
Energy Leadership Index Assessment
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Aligning with your astrology is a way to explore what works for you. From new year plans to parenting, it’s one thing to recognize that there’s no one size fits all, but it can be hard to step outside the norms without some kind of framework to work from. Not to mention, it’s even harder to think outside the box when you’re already exhausted from trying to function within the normalized systems that aren’t working for you. Astrology is a tool that can help you explore other ways to look at challenges and maximize opportunities both in preparing for the year ahead as well as looking at dynamics in your relationships with kids and parents.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Babs Cheung to join me in a conversation about how to align with your astrology as you plan for a new year.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Calendar year vs Fiscal year
- Understanding your cosmic flow
- Astrology as a parenting tool
- Cycles in your life and generational patterns
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Astro.com
Café Astrology
Café Astrology 2024 Ephemeris
The Myth of Normal
CONNECT WITH BABS CHEUNG:
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LinkedIn
Discovery Quiz
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Accessing the true power of gratitude requires going beyond the individual mindset approach that is typically referenced. Expressions of gratitude have been observed among many communally based species. It supports group functioning. Thus, the true power of gratitude is in collective connection, not individual mindset. Studies show that there are a plethora of benefits to gratitude. The problems of toxic positivity and tolerating unacceptable behavior shows up when gratitude is used as a tool of individualism.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m exploring accessing the true power of gratitude through shifting out of individualistic thinking and into collective consideration.Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- The biological purpose of gratitude
- Guilt vs responsibility
- Individualism’s distortion of gratitude
- Developing a gratitude practice
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Science of Gratitude white paper
Neuroscience Reveals Gratitude Literally Rewires Your Brain to be Happier
How to Make Stress Your Friend TedTalk
The Book of Joy
Understanding Your Stress Language episode
You’re More Than Your Personality Test episode
Toxic Positivity episode
Helpful vs Harmful Mindset Work episode
Making Holiday Magic Workshop
Private coaching session
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How to create belonging starts with understanding that most of us don’t know what belonging really is. It’s hard to create something that you haven’t first experienced and there is a difference between intellectually understanding vs experiencing something. What most of us do experience is strong conditioning from a young age around fitting in - to our families, in our school, and, ultimately, in society. This “fitting in” is part of how we are taught to uphold oppressive social systems because creates a faux belonging that activates our need for belonging but only fills it by exclusion. So, no wonder this is a struggle for many organizations and why we need help to understand and create it.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Amena Chaudhry to join me in a conversation about how to create belonging in a true way for all.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- What is belonging?
- Fitting in vs belonging
- Disrupting social norms
- Building emotional literacy
- Leadership skills for DEI & antiracism work
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté
The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle
The Wake Up by Michelle Mijung Kim
The Roundtable Talk by Meena Malik
CONNECT WITH AMENA CHAUDHRY:
Website
LinkedIn
Art of Interrupting Racism workshop
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Reclaiming humanity through grief is necessary for our ability to intentionally create a world that honors each person's humanity. Understanding and having space to grieve and support each other through our grief helps us to connect to our shared humanity. In so many often unconscious ways, we are encouraged to dehumanize ourselves and others. One way this happens is a disconnect from our emotions and especially a lack of understanding and space to honor grief, not just our individual grief but also our communal grief. To rehumanize ourselves and overcome the pressures to dehumanize others, we must allow the space necessary for grief and healing. In this episode of Unlimited, I’m exploring understanding grief and how we can reclaim our humanity through grief.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Types of grief: traumatic grief, communal grief and historical grief
- Understanding anger and processing grief
- Algorithms and community
- Discernment in media
- Reclaiming humanity
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Lived Experience of Traumatic Grief
Why Historical Trauma Is Critical Understanding Black Mental Health
The Link Between Trauma and Anger
The Process of Grief
Why Clients Smile When Talking About Trauma
Social Media, The Matrix, and Digital Tribalism
Misinformation and Trauma: How to Watch a War Online
See No Stranger by Valarie Kaur
My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
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Rethinking empowerment and releasing comparison go hand in hand in a society where empowerment is treated as a commodity and lifestyle is used as a sales tactic. Lifestyle as a sales tactic encourages us to compare how happy we are to how happy someone supposedly living a particular lifestyle appears to be. When empowerment is the commodity being sold, it becomes the way to achieve that lifestyle. These idealized lifestyles tend to uphold societal norms and often become internalized through frequent messaging. Comparison can be a helpful tool for noticing what you have internalized as preferable in life, which may also help you release the comparison.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m exploring rethinking empowerment and releasing comparison to create a more aligned and authentically joyful way of life.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Re-thinking empowerment
- Walking through change
- The influence of norms
- Buying out of the fantasy
- Using comparisons for self-reflection
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:Amena Chaudhry LinkedIn
How to Manifest What You Want Podcast Episode
Implicit Bias Defined video by The Center for Social Justice
TEDx What Do We Do About Implicit Bias video by Dushaw Hockett
Thinking Under the Influence video by Brenda J. Allen
Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
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How to cure comparisonitis starts by understanding the cause and that this isn’t just a “you” problem. It’s something that impacts you, your confidence, your sense of self, and your well-being, so it feels deeply personal. Since it’s internal, comparisonitis feels like a habit of comparing yourself to others in one or multiple areas. It’s usually triggered in an area that already feels endangered in some way – often things like financial success or belonging. It turns into a cycle of validation seeking where you feel inadequate or less than, doubt yourself and your abilities and seek validation from others which tends to further erode self-esteem. It’s also framed as an individual issue even when noted as being exacerbated by things like social media. But you can tell there’s more to it both in what feels threatened and how it’s exacerbated.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m exploring the causes of and how to cure comparisonitis.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Losing my self and self-trust
- Sacrificing authenticity for belonging
- Survival mode upholds societal norms
- Engaging individual and collective healing
- 4 steps to recalibrate your inner compass
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:Amena Chaudhry LinkedIn
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate
TradWife Life as Self-Annihilation by Anne Helen Peterson
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Insights from change making feminist founders are an important type of support for other feminist business owners and leaders. We are surrounded by stories of what success is and what you must do to achieve it that perpetuate exploitation of ourselves, of others, and of our planet. These stories are what is normalized but they aren’t the only way. Hearing other stories and ways of doing business helps us believe and trust in the possibility of change. It helps us tap into and generate ideas outside the normalized boxes. Additionally, and maybe most importantly, it helps us know that we are not alone.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Becky Mollenkamp to join me in a conversation about the insights she's gotten from interviewing change making feminist founders.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Unlearning and the journey to find a new path
- Hierarchical vs egalitarian business structure
- Exploring the term Feminism
- Recognizing where you still need work and doing it
- Collective work and enoughness
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Working it Out Podcast
CONNECT WITH BECKY MOLLENKAMP:
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Threads
Feminist Founders Podcast
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How to create a schedule that works for you cannot take a one size fits all approach. Most so called “successful people” strategies play on the false idea that we all have the same 24 hours and should, therefore, be able to get the same amount done. These strategies fail to factor in our humanity, discount our lived experiences, and fuel self-doubt. Instead of trying to fit someone else’s mold, you deserve routines that honor your humanity and support you where you are. Part of creating a schedule that works for you also means acknowledging that what works for you may look different at different times too.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into the foundations that help you create a schedule that works for you with both structure and flexibility.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- How to bake flexibility into your plans
- Determining routines that support you
- Meeting yourself where you’re at in creating new habits
- Understanding the relationship between time and energy
- Exercises to assess where you’re spending your energy
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 7 – Can I Make Plans Yet
Reclaim Your Routine Workshop Series
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How to cultivate self-love is also how you develop self-confidence, make room for self-care, and show up as your best self. This episode is an updated replay of the season one episode, Relearning Self-Love. Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for your relationship with everyone and everything in your life. Unfortunately, it is also the relationship that we are constantly conditioned to ignore. Even the emphasis on the importance of self-care turns into a pressure when the foundation for care hasn’t been given room to be cultivated. Instead of helping us take care of ourselves better, this pressure further fuels the disconnect within ourselves.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into how to cultivate self-love, especially in times when life is happening and we feel out of control.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- The difference between self-love and self-care
- Identifying your level of self-love
- Noticing if and how you express love to yourself
- Ways to build self-confidence through love
- Preventing self-love sabotage
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The 5 Love Languages
What’s Your Stress Language Quiz
3 Understanding Your Stress Language
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The 7 Ways to Relax this Summer are also the ways we can learn to bring more rest into our lives. We have seven areas that influence our energy and each needs care as we learn to release, relax, and rest. Our society is infused with stories that pull us away from our humanity, which includes devaluing rest. Part of the process of truly relaxing is recognizing the stories we’ve internalized that keep us from relaxing. This allows us to see the systems that feed us these stories more clearly. Another part is forgiving ourselves, not because it’s our fault, but because beating ourselves up is another way we’ve been conditioned to dehumanize ourselves.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I explore 7 ways to relax this summer that support healing beyond the vacation.Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- The pressures of perfectionism & productivity
- Releasing the lie of lazy
- Embracing a growth mindset
- Learning and forgiving yourself
- 7 ways to make space to relax
REFERENECED IN THIS EPISODE:
Rest is Resistance – A Manifesto by Tricia Hersey
Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price, Ph.D.
The Femme Historian Instagram
The Femme Historian Buy Me A Coffee
UNLIMITED EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Value of Rest
Navigating Obstacles to Rest
Clarifying What You Want
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How to Navigate Societal Gaslighting and Stay Empowered is an updated replay of the season one episode “No, You’re Not Crazy.” Most information regarding gaslighting focuses on the psychological experience within individual relationships. However, gaslighting is actually a societal phenomenon with roots in social power dynamics. Those roots are why it is common to experience the psychological impact of gaslighting during periods of social change. However, because we tend to think of gaslighting as an individual experience, the effect of the societal gaslighting is exacerbated and our ability to navigate the stress is inhibited. We must step out of this over-individualization in order to develop support ourselves through the stress and engage this time with intention.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I engage how to navigate societal gaslighting and stay empowered in times of social change.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- What a period of anomie looks like
- Gaslighting and how it’s showing up in our lives
- Shifting how you think about and engage stress
- Intentionally connecting to your values and setting boundaries
- Visioning through risk assessment
ARTICLES REFERENECED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Sociology of Gaslighting
The Sociological Definition of Anomie
Anomie in the Sociological Perspective of Emile Durkheim
Stop Telling Women They Have Impostor Syndrome
Is Someone Gaslighting You?
Here’s How To spot If You’re Being Gaslighted
Embracing Stress Is More Important Than Reducing Stress
UNLIMITED EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
3 Things You Need to Create Stability in Times of Uncertainty
How to Start Meditating
Understanding Your Stress Language
Relearning Self-Love
Girl, Learn to Apologize
Red Flags in Online business
Toxic Positivity
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Resilience through unexpected career shifts is often something you realize in retrospect. It's natural to feel stress in times of change, especially during unexpected transitions that impact your financial security. It can feel overwhelming when you're walking through them. Once you know that you successfully regained a certain equilibrium in your life you can look back with greater perspective. It's rare these days to have a job that lasts a life time or even to have a linear career journey. We're in a time of transition societally and many people are experiencing that in a very personal way, particularly in their career.
One way to gain perspective in the moment is to recall times where you have successfully navigated unexpected shifts in the past. Another way to gain perspective is to tap into other people's experience.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited F. John Potter to join me in a conversation about what resilience looks like through unexpected career shifts.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Being open to the unexpected
- Decision-making with the support of friends
- Courage and defining enough
- Navigating unemployment
- The accumulation of skills
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
John’s Ignite Talk
Leaning Into a Mid-Life Career Change
Three Things You Need to Create Stability in Times of Uncertainty
Tao Te Ching
CONNECT WITH F. JOHN POTTER:
Website
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Three things you need to create stability in times of uncertainty are to know yourself, to stay curious, and to build community. We are in a massive period of change and that comes with a great deal of uncertainty. Uncertainty naturally triggers feelings of overwhelm, which make it hard to take action. This is NOT an individual failing. Much of what feeds this instability is systemic, not individual. With that in mind, I invite you to remember that you are part of the system and you DO have power. In order to engage that power and help build a healthier foundation, you need to start with building your own foundation. This will give you the stability to do something different, which is the only way we can begin to create something different.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the three ways you create stability in times of uncertainty.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Shifting out of overwhelm
- Establishing a foundation of self-connection
- Fear of failure and binary thinking
- Cultivating a curious mindset
- The necessity of community
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Can I Make Plans Yet
Reflections and A Way Forward
Getting Comfortable in The Uncomfortable
Relearning Self-Love
Clarifying What You Want
Values Aligned Leadership
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
Shift From Drained to Motivated
Understanding Your Stress Language
You’re More Than Your Personality Test
To Emotional Awareness and Beyond
Setting Healthy Boundaries
How to Say No Without Guilt
How to Prioritize Your Needs
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Values aligned leadership is central to running a values aligned business. Companies of any size that want to go beyond checking boxes must intentionally cultivate leadership based in clear values. A company’s most valuable asset is its people. Centering humanity at all levels of a company supports morale, efficiency, quality of work, and, ultimately, company health. Unfortunately, many people haven’t experienced examples of values aligned leadership and that makes it hard to create.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Alesia Galati to join me in a conversation about what values aligned leadership looks like in practice.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Aligning personal and business values
- Setting boundaries and expectations
- Considering employee AND client experience
- Too little or too much work is a problem
- Investing in your team
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Creating a Human-Centered Work Culture with Marissa Badgley
The Pressure to Love Your Job with Cristin Downs
Why Work Life Balance is a Myth
Winners Take All – the Elite Charade of Changing the World by Anand Giridharadas
The Four Agreements – A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz
CONNECT WITH ALESIA GALATI:
Website
LinkedIn
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Listeners to Leads Podcast
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“Am I just making excuses?” is something most people wonder at some point when they are not following through on something they say they want to do. From health goals to work goals, the story we’re surrounded by is that of weakness. It’s self-sabotage. You aren’t trying hard enough, so you don’t want it badly enough. It’s lack of maturity. Basically, whatever the details of the message are, the energy is judgmental and shame inducing. This is the messaging because we’ve learned to use shame to motivate even though it doesn’t work. Actually, all it really does is block us from discovering what’s really going on and accessing our ability to find a solution.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore understanding why and alternatives to asking if you’re just making excuses.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What is an excuse
- Reasons people make excuses
- Separating identity from behavior
- How to stop making excuses
- Supporting aligned action
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Deep Self Care to Shift Habits
It's Simple, So Why Am I Not Doing It?
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How to Prioritize Your Needs in a supportive way means going beyond Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. People often reference this motivational theory when trying to understand behavior and choices. It's popular because it creates a simple framework that makes sense in our hierarchical, over-individualized society. It's problematic for the same reason, AND because it's based in a highly biased study influenced by the colonial corruption of native wisdom. Additionally, modern neuroscience now provides evidence of the inaccuracies of this model. To create a healthier way of being in the world, we need a healthier approach to understanding and honoring our needs.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore deconstructing Maslow’s Hierarchy and creating an intuitive approach to prioritizing your needs.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Understanding Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
- Neuroscience of belonging
- Decolonizing self-actualization
- Discerning your priorities
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Why Work Life Balance Is a Myth
What’s Killing My Motivation
The Pressure to Love Your Job
Managing with the Brain in Mind
The Blackfoot Origins of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Simply Psychology - Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs
National Women’s History Museum - Sarah Moore Grimké
In Defense of Witches – The Legacy of the Witch Hunts and Why Women Are Still On Trial by Mona Chollet
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate
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Creating a human-centered work culture is the antidote to the burnout that is now pervasive in the work place. While learning how to create a human-centered work culture is of particular important to managers and leaders in organizations, it is not for them alone. Brains love patterns and, without intentional engagement, people carry this dehumanizing relationship with work when they leave a particular workplace and even into their own entrepreneurship. So, regardless of your current work or workplace, we all need tools to intentionally engage our relationship to work. Being able to understand, create, and advocate for healthy boundaries in work is a skill that benefits everyone.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Marissa Badgley, MSW to join me in a conversation about creating a human-centered work culture.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Why companies need an intentional culture
- The importance of compassion AND accountability
- The multiple layers and impact of trust in organizations
- Setting boundaries and creating team buy-in
- Who gets a seat at your table and creating a safe table
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
CONNECT WITH MARISSA BADGLEY:
Website
LinkedIn
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The Millennial Manager Collective
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Leaning into a mid-life career change isn’t easy. Yet it is a reality for many people, especially Moms, and even more so recently. This change often challenges our identity, worth, and sense of place since we are socialized to intertwine these aspects of our life. The woman I work with in this episode reached out to me feeling STUCK. A recent ADHD diagnosis rocked her world. Due to the reverberations of this diagnosis, she made the decision to leave a job that felt like the perfect fit in many ways. Her hope in signing up for a session was to gain a sense of how to figure out what to do next and that it will all be okay.
In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us explore the process of reimagining purpose through leaning into a mid-life career change.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Re-centering in yourself
- Stepping into the unknown
- Identifying what’s important in work
- Finding your next step
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can send me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Apply to be coached for free on the podcast
Schedule a FREE exploration call
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What to do when you’ve fallen behind isn’t push yourself harder. It’s pause and allow yourself to recalibrate. Understandably, you may experience resistance. We are surrounded by stories that tell us that failing to plan for all the things is a personal failing. Additionally, there’s a constant message that we aren’t doing enough. This conditioning programs us to set unreasonable expectations, beat ourselves up when we don’t meet them, and push harder. The good news is that you can change this unsustainable way of being. In order to change, you must first notice the stories and the patterns they make in your life. Next you must know what is yours and what isn’t and where you have choices. Finally, you must allow yourself to choose something different.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore reclaiming your journey when you’ve fallen behind.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Using shame as motivation
- Stories that perpetuate cycles of harm
- Disappointing others
- Personality traits that break you down
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
You’re More Than Your Personality Test
What’s Killing My Motivation?
Helpful vs Harmful Mindset Work
Bonus Episode: Give Yourself A Break
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté
Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
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The pressure to love your job is something you’ve likely experienced whether you love your job or not. In the United States, we are surrounded by the story that you achieve success through having a job you love. Perhaps success is simply that you enjoy the privilege of doing a job you love. Another possibility is that you won't feel like you’re doing work, will then work harder, and therefore create success. (Likewise, this story also perpetuates the idea that working hard will always lead to success.) What this story obscures is that loving your work doesn’t make it not work. Ultimately, this story is designed to keep you from setting boundaries and instead buy into your own exploitation.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Cristin Downs to join me in a conversation about understanding and releasing the pressure to love your job.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The purpose of pressure to love your job
- The burnout cycle that keeps you stuck
- Expectations when applying for a job
- Leadership examples and quiet quitting
- Freeing your identity from your job
- Setting boundaries around work
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Job You Love Quote Investigator
Work Won't Love You Back by Sarah Jaffe
Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber
A History of the World in Seven Cheap Things by Raj Patel & Jason W. Moore
CONNECT WITH CRISTIN DOWNS:
Instagram
Free Resources
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WHY work life balance is a myth is as important to understand as knowing that it is one. It’s important because the way a topic is framed has a large impact on how we think about it. It directs our focus and influences the options we perceive. Most people I speak with consciously know there is no real balance between work and life. Yet work/life balance is still used to describe a primary challenge facing people. The fundamental issue with the term work/life balance isn’t just that such a thing doesn’t exist. The issue is also the framing of our struggle being one of work/life balance and the assumptions on which that framing is based. One assumption is that working has equal priority to living. Another is that they are oppose each other. Thus, the challenge of work/life balance is a fictious one based on inhumane assumptions that prevent creating healthy and sustainable ways of being in the world.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the roots of the work/life balance myth and how the myth perpetuates itself as a problem.Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What is work/life balance
- The history of work/life balance
- The deep problem with the term work/life balance
- A starting place to create what you want in life
- What to expect in Season 3 of Unlimited
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Truly Experiences - The History of Work Life Balance
Oxford Bibliographies – Work/Life Balance
Positive Psychology – What Is Work Life Balance
Forbes – The Evolving Definition of Work/Life Balance
Book – The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Book – Stolen Focus by Johann Hari
Book – How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong
Book – Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Unlimited Episode – Dealing With Impostor Syndrome
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A simple way to end the year strong involves allowing yourself a little space for three activities. First, focusing your attention. Second, celebrating your accomplishments. Third, assessing what worked and what didn't and feeding that into your new years plans. Sounds simple, right? Yes, it's a simple outline, but the practice of it is less simple. It can actually be rather confusing and messy. There are many factors that go into the decisions about where you put your focus. There nuances to how you identify accomplishments for the year and especially discerning what worked and what didn't. Not to mention, this may not be your best time for planning.
In this episode of Unlimited, we sift through the factors and nuances of the year to clarify your simple way to end the year strong.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- How to focus and de-stress the holidays
- Wrap up the year with a positive focus
- Reviewing and setting a word of the year
- What to consider when new year goal setting
- Build self-trust and lean into growth
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Resource page with ‘What to Say’ Download
7 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
Setting Holiday Boundaries
Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Holiday Support Coaching Session
I also reference every episode from Season 2. I'm writing a blog post to map and link everything out and encourage you to join my mailing list for notification when that is completed.
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How to say no without guilt is a common struggle for Moms but also for most highly empathetic people. The fear of letting people down or upsetting others can make saying no extremely uncomfortable. You may worry about hurting someone. That worry may feed a fear that you will then be seen as uncaring, lazy, incompetent, or otherwise judged. There are many articles with step-by-step instructions for the logistics of politely saying no. However, it’s one thing to know the steps and another thing to follow through on them. Ultimately, as social creatures, saying no may hit a primal fear of being rejected. You have layers of internalized expectations from society, family, and the patterns in your own life that feed these feelings. That means being able to say no isn’t just about saying no to things you think you don’t want to do. Your time and energy are finite resources, so sometimes it’s about capacity. How to say no is also about knowing what’s yours to do and what’s not yours.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the mindset blocks to saying no and the logistics of doing so in relationships with others.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Why saying no is so hard
- When it’s okay to be selfish
- Dealing with people who don’t get it
- Letting go of control
- Saying yes in order to say no
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Setting Holiday Boundaries
Creating Healthy Boundaries Group Coaching
Holiday Support Coaching Session
Recording Coaching Session Application
Ask Val Anonymous Form
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Setting healthy boundaries is a process that improves with practice. Part of the challenge of setting boundaries is that most of us didn’t grow up with examples of healthy boundaries. Additionally, the media often idolize emmeshed relationships. Consider how many songs and stories idealize relationships where someone’s emotional wellbeing is dependent on one other person. In our societal narratives, love and caring look like being able to read someone else’s mind. You most likely first encountered the idea of boundary setting as a prescription for codependency or because you’re trying to deal with a person or job that feels toxic. The thing is, you do NOT have to have “issues” or label people for boundaries to be important. They are always important for everything because they are about YOU.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore understanding and setting boundaries that support you and your relationships.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- The concept of a boundary
- Types of boundaries
- Indications you need boundaries
- The three components of setting a boundary
- Boundary setting challenges
- Self-awareness and boundary setting process
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Clarifying What You Want Episode
Break Free From Assumptions & Misaligned Rules Episode
Setting Holiday Boundaries Episode
Creating Healthy Boundaries Group Coaching
Private coaching session
Ask Val anonymous form
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Dealing with impostor syndrome is a topic commonly and historically focused on working women. Most women have experienced the feelings of self-doubt and fear of not being good enough despite their accomplishments. Of course, working women aren’t the only ones who experience self-doubt. So, why are we the focus for this topic? We are social beings and our understanding of ourselves is generated in large part from our interactions with others. The experience of what is called impostor syndrome indicates a disconnect between how you see yourself and how you believe others see you. What if how others see you is based on bias, rather than having anything to do with you? The experience of impostor syndrome is certainly personal. However, it is not always or only an individual mindset issue.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the individual and social dynamics of impostor syndrome and what you can do about it.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What is impostor syndrome
- 5 types of impostor syndrome
- Systemic bias in the workplace
- Unlearning internalized impostorism
- Practices to support being you
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Stop Telling Women They Have Impostor Syndrome (A Harvard Business Review article)
What is Impostor Syndrome (Merriam Webster article)
Impostor Syndrome – (Healthline article)
Impostor Syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder (A Well Mind article)
Shift from Drained to Motivated (Unlimited Podcast episode)
Out of Doubt & Into Action Workbook
Share a comment or ask a question (Ask Val form)
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Silencing your inner critic can help you start to get out of your own way but there’s a more effective way. Using the silencing technique is only a temporary solution for two key reasons: First, it fails to address why the inner critic showed up. Second, it means you’re spending energy fighting yourself instead of harnessing that energy to help you. Most of my clients “know better” when their inner critic shows up, but it still freezes them. That’s normal because it’s not about what you know. It’s about self-protection. Your inner critic has a lot of power, and it shows up for a reason.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore engaging and redirecting the inner critic’s power, rather than trying to silence your inner critic.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Shame and motivation
- The internalization of hurt
- Identity storytelling and affirmation
- Repurposing the inner critic energy
- 5 Steps to shift the self-story
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
To Emotional Awareness and Beyond episode
Deep Self-Care to Shift Habits [coaching] episode
Feeling Confident Being Visible [coaching] episode
In and Of Itself movie
Psych Central article: Working with Your Inner Critic
Quieting Your Inner Critic Workshop
Valerie's Resource Page
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Become empowered by your emotions, rather than stuck in them, by understanding their purpose or lack thereof. It's important to remember that though "feelings aren’t facts," they still matter. They are an intrinsic part of our whole humanness. Supporting emotional wellbeing starts with embracing the value of emotional information. Despite some of that information being outdated or maladaptive, it can still provide direction for what support, boundaries, changes, etc. you need to create a more enjoyable life. This knowledge can empower healthier decisions for individuals and organizations. (And relationships but that's for a different episode.)
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Mavis Mazhura to join me in a conversation about how to become empowered by your emotions.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- How emotions feed holistic wellbeing
- The role of emotions in corporate change
- When emotions get you stuck vs help you move
- Separating emotions and identity
- Spiritual bypassing blocks to emotional processing
- A 5-step process to manage an emotion
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Dr. Wayne Dyer – The Shift (Taking Your Life From Ambition to Meaning)
Resmaa Menakem
CONNECT WITH MAVIS MAZHURA:
LinkedIn
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Navigating the Rapids and the Waves of Life: 10 Lessons for Managing Emotions for Success
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To emotional awareness and, beyond that, to USING that awareness is this week’s topic. As we explored last week, you must first find the emotions and allow space for them. Following that, you can learn how to use them in a helpful rather than harmful way. This is also called being responsive rather than reactive in our behavior. Reactivity isn't just lashing out. Another facet of reactivity is shutting down or avoiding. Both are rooted in survival mode, which is a natural mode when you haven't had room to develop an understanding and relationship to your emotions. This space is also critical in your relationships. First, it keeps you from placing your emotions on other people. Second, it allows space for other people to have emotions because it keeps you from taking responsibility for emotions that aren’t yours.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore tools that support emotional awareness and beyond that to proactively using that awareness.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What emotional awareness isn't about
- Meaning making from emotions
- The emotional life cycle
- What is your part and owning it
- The emotional inventory tool
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Deep Self-Care to Shift Habits
More Self-Control Is Not Always the Answer
Planting Seeds to Take Confident Action
Making Decisions I Can Trust
Out of a Funk play list
Ask Val (anonymous form)
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Fantastic emotions and where to find them guides you to where you begin to access your power within your emotions. You often hear emotions spoken of as powerful. However, it's really YOU who are powerful. The problem is we aren’t taught to understand the dynamics of our emotions. Instead, we are conditioned to avoid unpleasant emotions and simultaneously hope that the enjoyable ones will eventually be earned. This leaves us feeling at the mercy of our emotions instead of empowered by them.
In this episode of Unlimited, I engage gaining clarity and finding the empowerment inside your emotions.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Emotional intelligence vs emotional awareness vs emotional literacy
- Expanding emotional awareness
- Developing your emotional language
- Understanding emotional expression
- Noticing trigger patterns
- Separating experience from identity
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Understanding Your Stress Language
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
Shift from Drained to Motivated
Deep Self-Care to Shift Habits
Ask Val (anonymous form)
Apply to be coached on the podcast
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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Deep self-care is necessary to shift habits in an effective and healthy way. The “stop it” or “just do it” model often isn’t sustainable and can even be harmful. Habits make up a lot of the way we show up in life. Thus, they can become confused with personality and limit what we believe possible. Our societal norms are made up of collective habits. Similarly, most collective habits are so internalized that we stop seeing them as aspects we have power over. One of the overarching collective habits is using control. That is why using care in our own life to create shifts is powerful, effective, AND radical.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore an example of using deep self-care shift a habit and change harmful patternsSome of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Habit process recap
- The overthinking habit
- The box of personality
- Distraction vs healing
- Stress response and blaming
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Foundations in Somatic Abolitionism training
Schedule a free consult
Schedule a one time coaching session
Ask Val (anonymous form)
Apply to be coached on the podcast
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Do you want to build a habit? Or does the idea stress you out? Habits are often a focal point in conversations around personal development, business development, career development, etc. When we talk about habits the conversation is usually about changing them and the emphasis is on control. These conversations are often full of sense of judgment around what are deemed "good" and "bad" habits and a pressure "be better." For many people the idea of habits feels stressful. It brings up thoughts of behaviors they don’t like but that feel outside of their control. If you "know better" but "do better" ends up looking more like "beat yourself up" instead, then you're in the right place.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore what it looks like to build a habit with a focus on self-care, instead of self-control.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What is a habit
- The pattern of a habit
- How to shift a habit
- How to develop a new habit
- How to support a new habit
- Why old habits come back
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
How to Break a Habit (Healthline article)
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Understanding How Brains Control Our Habits
Ask Val (anonymous form)
Apply to be coached on the podcast
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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Give yourself a break, you are not a machine. Hustle culture tells us that we should have everything planned, systematized, and organized. It says that, if you do this well enough, then you will be successful, happy, and stress-free. But failure is part of growth. Unhappiness, discomfort, anger, overwhelm, etc. are normal emotions when it's time to do something different. In this time of change that is naturally, understandably, necessarily stressful, this episode is a little love note from me to you. We are not meant to have everything under control at all times - even ourselves. Your intuition can help create plans and systems but it is not your plan or system. You deserve to take up space when you need space and for people to hold that space for you. Doing so will help you hold that space for others when they need it too.
In this episode I invite you to release the push to plan and give yourself some space.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What to do when life happens
- The habit of being busy
- Cultivating an ability to be present
- Trusting your intuition
- The need for community
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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Finding time to proactively plan is hard in a world where our attention is constantly in demand. It is especially difficult to find time to plan when your plan involves doing something new. First, you must navigate a society designed to keep you busy – physically busy, mentally busy, emotionally busy. Second, you must face your own internal resistance from fear based in limiting beliefs, conflicting values, shifting relationships, etc. The key to finding time is the self-awareness to make intentional decisions. That means knowing what you really want and saying no so that you can say yes.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore what it takes to make time to plan proactively, instead of reactively, in this hustle culture.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Why you struggle to plan ahead
- Identifying your priorities
- The belief you have to earn it
- Fitting in exercise and housework
- Where and how to say no
- Accountability and creating habits
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
How to Create A Plan You’ll Follow Through On
Shift From Drained to Motivated
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
What’s Killing My Motivation?
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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How to create a plan you’ll follow through on starts with setting a clear foundation for that plan. Many clients come to me when they aren’t following through on achieving something they want. Even when they have a plan, they still aren’t doing what they think they need to do to achieve it. Once we dig in the reason is usually based in a lack of clarity around what they really want. Or more specifically, the motivation underneath what they think they want. Without that clarity, most people end up creating a plan that is misaligned. Misalignment will naturally create additional resistance to taking action, which adds to the stress inherent in change.
**In this episode of Unlimited, I explore what it looks like to create an aligned plan that supports follow through to achieve your goals.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:**
- Being vs Doing
- The question to stop asking
- Structure of a plan
- The importance of buffer time
- Staying accountable without shame
- Planning for distractions
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:What’s Killing My Motivation episode
Valerie’s Resources Page
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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The courage to change comes from inside of you but requires and deserves support from others. You need other people to help you see and hear yourself clearly as well as to see more clearly what needs to change. This is especially true the easier it is for you to fit into and follow the conventional rules of society. One of those rules being that we’re supposed to be fully self-reliant. If you are not it indicates weakness and deficiency. Change is inherently stressful, and this rule blocks us from the most important resource for stress resilience – each other. This is one of the many dynamics that increases our need for courage to change. Add on that our society exploits vulnerabilities for profit and it naturally feels even more dangerous to ask for help. Unfortunately, social rules like this get wrapped up in our identity and become internalized rules, which serve as a wedge between you and your intuition.
**In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the dynamics that create the need for courage to change the rules and free yourself from ones you’ve internalized.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:**
- Pros and cons of having rules
- The value of those “negative” emotions
- Toxic individualism and codependency
- Reframing internalized rules
- Giving space for grief and celebration
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:Ask Val
Alok Vaid-Menon Website
Alok’s quoted IG post
How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community
Courage to Change Al-anon book
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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Breaking free from assumptions and misaligned rules is a multi-layered process. We all have rules for how we believe we are supposed to do life. They are tied to our values, to societal norms, and the stories we’ve been told about who we are and the way the world is. Since we do not exist outside of a societal context, we must acknowledge the influence of societal stories as we engage our own programing. First, looking at the rules for the roles that we occupy and whether they fit who you are or who you want to be. Then looking at where they feed the assumptions you make about yourself and others and how those assumptions influence your actions. You don’t have to know exactly where you started making assumptions or changed who you are to fit in. You only need a process to step out of those assumptions and reclaim who you want to be.
In this episode of Unlimited, I acknowledge the layers of stories influencing us and explore how we as individuals unpack our own assumptions and misaligned rules.Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Who do you think you are?
- The relationship between self and society
- Why we make assumptions
- Ways to stop making assumptions
- The importance of intentional, diverse community
BOOKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fearing The Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia
How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America
The Four Agreements
PREVIOUS EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE
A Roundtable to Improve Your Perception with Aleia Walker
What’s Killing My Motivation?
No, You're Not Crazy
You're More Than Your Personality Test
Girl, Learn to Apologize
Stop Being Nice and Start Being Resilient
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
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A roundtable to improve your perception is necessary because perception isn’t just an inside job. The inside part is only the first step. You do need the willingness to expand and the courage to change. Then, improving your perception requires conversations and learning from others who have different experiences. Only through this next level of awareness expansion can we make the meaningful and effective changes needed to make a better world for everyone. For me, the ultimate purpose of doing the inner work is being able to step into the outer work.
In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Aleia Walker to join me in a conversation about how to expand your awareness to build a better business and be a better person.Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Foundations for diversity in business and marketing
- Real vs superficial representation
- The importance of embracing discomfort
- Listening to hear vs respond
- Safe space vs brave space
- The step that matters most when showing up (it’s not the first one…)
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Hill Roundtables
What Is Perception - UCF Online Book
Energy Leadership Index Assessment
CONNECT WITH ALEIA WALKER:
Instagram
On The Hill Newsletter
The Hill Creatives Directory
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Helpful vs harmful mindset work is a critical distinction to make for anyone interested in real change. Too many of the problems our society faces are framed as individual issues and placed on individuals to solve. First, this fails to address the real issues and instead perpetuates them. Second, it has developed a billion-dollar industry that feeds on itself. Mindset work IS powerful and CAN make a huge difference in your life. The key is to know the difference between individual thought patterns and systemic dynamics. When you stop accepting the blame for systemic issues you can more effectively create change in your life and in the systems you’re a part of.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore how to spot harmful mindset stories and instead engage helpful mindset work.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- The difference between what is and isn’t mindset
- Over-individualism and pathologizing stress
- The false binary of empowered or victimized
- Releasing the blame game
- The power of perception and accessing choice
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
You Were Born for This by Chani Nicholas
Stolen Focus by Johann Hari
Toxic Positivity Episode
You’re More Than Your Personality Test Episode
The Faux Revolution of Mindfulness article
Why Your Workplace Might Be Killing You article
Other recommended episodes:
No, You’re Not Crazy Episode
Understanding Your Stress Language Episode
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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Shift from drained to motivated by understanding five commonly internalized values that often work against women. Our values are beliefs that motivate us and drive our decisions. Not all the values we hold are intentionally chosen values. Actually, many of them are internalized beliefs from important adults when we were young, as well as beliefs emphasized by the society that we live in. Even if we consciously think about them one way, they may be motivating us in a way we don’t realize. If that subconscious motivation triggers your stress response, then it’s also draining you in the process of motivating you. Through my work with high-achieving women, I’ve found this dynamic to be a recurring theme with the values of responsibility, reliability, respect, achievement, and discipline.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore how understanding the dynamics of these five values along with the desired freedom, flexibility, and fulfillment can help shift you from drained to motivated.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Internalized values vs intentional values
- Using values to improve the quality of your motivation
- How to engage your relationship with your values
- Supporting yourself through the fear of letting people down
- Finding freedom, flexibility, and fulfillment
- The values of Valerie Friedlander Coaching
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fearing The Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia
Stop Being Nice and Start Being Resilient
More Self-Control Is Not Always The Answer
Free Exploration Session
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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How to stop reacting and start responding starts with understanding that internal reactivity is normal. It happens when your brain perceives a threat. That internal reaction doesn’t differentiate between a real or imagined threat or between an emotional or physical threat. Some of our most common reactivity comes from a perceived threat to our values. When this happens it’s important to first acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with you that you’ve had a reaction. The stories we’ve internalized about reactivity being bad or wrong can actually make us more reactive. Second, take some time to understand the values at play in your reaction. Understanding your core values, engaging them, and cultivating your consciously chosen values allows you to become more mindfully responsive and slowly shift those internal reactions.
In today’s episode of Unlimited, I explore how values awareness can help you shift your reactions and respond better.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Meeting yourself where you’re at
- Why we worry
- “Mom guilt”
- Finding choices
- Improving relationships – especially with yourself
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
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You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
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Clarifying what you want can be overwhelming, especially when you’re stressed out where you are now. Gaining clarity is something a lot of clients initially come to me for help with. It’s one thing to recognize that you don’t like the way things are. That’s a helpful first step. Next, you want to find what you DO want, which is much harder because there are so many obstacles to clarity. Many of these obstacles are internalized stories that block your ability to hear yourselves and your intuition. They include the idea that you should know what you want, the brain’s wiring to find familiar patterns, and our society’s fixation on outcomes. Knowing what you want doesn’t start with the future. It starts with the present.
In this episode of Unlimited, I dig into using a visioning process to gain clarity on what you want.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What stops you from knowing what you want
- What is visioning and its purpose
- Fear of failure and fear of success
- Present visioning and how it helps with goal achievement
- Practical tools to tap into your best self
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
Learn more about the Flow Mastery Group!
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Flow Mastery Group CoachingHow to Manifest What You Want
What’s Killing My Motivation
Leading With Growth Mindset
Empowering Evolution In Your Work
You vs Future You -Hidden Brain episode
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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How to manifest what you want in life is a fairly mainstream topic these days, yet it's also typically misunderstood. It's misunderstood because it's a concept popularized by books like The Secret and The Law of Attraction. This concept of manifestation is based in problematic pseudoscience. It relates to believing something into existence and it is closely related to the toxic use of positivity. True manifestation does have roots in psychology and does have practical applications. The real secret is that you are constantly manifesting. The problem is, it's often not what you want. When you understand how manifestation actually works, then you can create a better impact in your life and in the world around you.
In this episode of Unlimited, I dig into how to consciously engage your ability to manifest what you want in life.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- What is manifestation
- The popular lies of manifestation
- How manifestation really works
- Taking the power from fear and fueling courage
- Where we go wrong with manifestation
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Flow Mastery Group Coaching
Toxic Positivity
Manifestation: Definition, Meaning, and How to Do It
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I’m done with the "new year, new you" thing. It’s really common messaging at both the end and beginning of the year. We hear it ALL the time from people trying to sell you things. You could even say we’re bombarded with it. At least, that’s how I feel about it because it really pushes my buttons. I know that no one can push a button I don’t have but I also know I’m not alone in being bothered by it. The reason it bothers me so much is because underneath this message is the idea that you need to be different as in, not you. It’s a message built to play on fear and lack mindset. Often, that is not the intention of the people using it (I know because I’ve been one of them.) They use it because it’s what everyone is doing… but that doesn’t make it okay and it’s time it stopped.
In this episode of Unlimited, I engage the toxic story behind “New Year/New You” and leaning into a new year as you.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- The Problem with the New Year/New You story
- Reclaiming yourself – Where did that little girl go?
- Beyond personality labels
- Building Self Trust – Making commitments to yourself
- Supporting your self
- What to expect in this season of Unlimited
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Flow Mastery Group Coaching
Create Your Flow Course
You Were Born For This by Chani Nicholas
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Seven ways to reduce holiday stress and really stress in your life in general is the theme for this bonus episode! Despite the joyful intention of the season, many life stressors expand this time of year. Stressors such as time, money, and family dynamics. Throw in a dose of inclement weather and you can suddenly find you’ve flipped from the warm and cozy person you want to be, to a cold and prickly “just get through it” kind of you.
In this episode of Unlimited, I share seven ways to reduce holiday stress for yourself.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- How our stress triggers intersect
- Navigating expectations and perfectionism
- Clarifying and supporting your values this time of year
- Intentional engagement of time and money
- Building emotional resiliency and releasing stress
- Creating a self-support plan for gatherings
Stay tuned for when Unlimited comes back with Season 2 in January!
If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Episode 4: Setting Holiday Boundaries
Episode 3: Understanding Your Stress Language
Book a coaching session
List of things to say to support healthy relationships
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Seven steps to mindful time management sounds simple and, in some ways, it is, but it isn’t what you think. It’s not about tips for the best productivity hacks, habits to manage your time wisely, or tools to schedule yourself for optimal effectiveness. It actually starts with acknowledging that we have an unhealthy view of what we should be doing with our time in the first place. Along with that we have unreasonable expectations of how much we should be able to do with our time. Once we become aware of those dynamics in how we think about time, then we can start engaging time from a more mindful and sustainable place.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore what it means to mindfully manage your time and what’s stopping you from doing it.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Understanding what it means to manage your time
- Being at choice with your time
- Embracing flexibility to maximize your time
- The impact of mindset and societal stories on time management
- Ways to engage mindful time management
Thank you for listening and joining me for Season 1 of Unlimited!
Please be sure to subscribe so you’re notified when I come back with Season 2.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
My Grandmother’s Hands (book)What’s Killing My Motivation?
The Social Dilemma (movie)
Creating Your Ideal Day YOUR Way
Schedule a call with Valerie
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What’s killing my motivation and how do I fix it are two questions many clients come to me with. They usually have something they want and can’t seem to get themselves to DO what they need to do to get it. There are lots of reasons they think are the problem – they don’t know the right thing to do, they have a mindset issue, they need to be more organized, more disciplined, manage their time better, etc. While there may be some truth to these beliefs, they are surface issues, which is why people struggle to solve them on their own.
In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the deeper issues that may be killing your motivation and share some solutions to re-energize taking action.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Beliefs about motivation that sabotage you
- Understanding motivation
- What’s wrong with Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs
- Patterns of confidence and self-doubt in compassionate people
- Check ins to increase motivation
Thank you for listening and be sure to tune in next week for more tips on motivation and time management!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Psychology Today - Motivation
The Blackfoot Origins of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
More Self-Control Is Not Always The Answer
Submit a question anonymously
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The myths around productivity are hurting both your productivity AND your mental health. Mythologies always have a purpose for being created, usually to explain something or to illustrate a cultural ideal. These myths of productivity were generated to turn abusive labor practices into an internalized cultural ideal that we then perpetuate upon ourselves. This narrative leads us to abuse ourselves to live up do this mythology’s “good person” and the belief that if we are good enough we will eventually achieve some future dream life.
In this episode of Unlimited, I call out the lies that have become our myths around productivity and invite you into a new narrative of holistic wellness and sustainable living.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- The definition of productivity and its impact
- Stories you tell yourself that keep you stuck
- Motivation and the story of lazy
- Re-thinking time management
- Creating a process that supports you
Thank you for listening and be sure to tune in next week for more tips on motivation and time management!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Making decisions I can trust
More self-control is not always the answer
Dealing with Burnout beyond the 9-5
Apply for a recorded coaching session
Submit a question anonymously
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Empowering evolution in your work is first and foremost about recognizing that you CAN evolve. You are not confined to what you currently know or the way you currently are or even what you’ve done in the past. With that belief, each choice becomes an opportunity to evolve into MORE the person you want to be both in experience and impact. This mindset is key to creating content that is accessible and meets people where they’re at because it allows for curiosity over judgement. It enables you to learn new things, let go of what isn’t working, and make new choices that create new outcomes.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I invited Myrna Daramy to join me in a conversation around empowering yourself to evolve your work in a way that supports you AND the difference you want to make in the world.
Some of the things we talk about in this episode are:
- Being informed not confined by binary boxes
- The difference between evolving and scaling
- What it means to be accessible as a digital creator
- Showing up authentically
- Defining what being an expert looks like for YOU
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Essential Web Accessibility Checklist
CONNECT WITH MYRNA DARAMY:
Website
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LinkedIn
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Many women feel called to get involved in their local government. Women and other minorities are drastically under-represented on all levels of government. Most of us agree the consequences of this are highly problematic. We want to contribute to make our communities a better place, but we typically opt for volunteer opportunities over running for office. Volunteering IS certainly important but what holds us back from running and helping reduce this representation gap ourselves? There’s a commitment involved but we give that in other places… So why not commit and contribute as an elected official? Some of what holds us back is logistical, but some of it is an overwhelm that stems from what we THINK it looks like to run for and hold office.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I invited Kristal Larson, Clerk of Avon Township to join me in a conversation around some of the beliefs and mindset barriers that hold women back from actually running for office when they feel called to get involved in their local government .
Some of what we talk about include
- Misconceptions about running for office/being in office
- The importance of knowing what’s important to you
- Building confidence being visible
- Being a business owner, advocate, AND elected official
- Where to start if you want to get involved
- Staying centered when doing all the things
If you're feeling called to run for office, know that it's not as overwhelming as you think and the support is out there!
Go to meetings, reach out to aligned officials, show your passion. Remember, we want YOU!
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Represent Women – By the Numbers
She Should Run
Unlimited Episode 46 - Leading with Growth Mindset
CONNECT WITH KRISTAL LARSON:
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Leading with growth mindset takes a certain amount of willingness to be vulnerable. Why? Because it means you own your mistakes. This isn’t easy in a society dominated by fixed mindset, which feeds the idea that if you make a mistake then you ARE a mistake. Fixed mindset leads to constantly trying to prove good enough because of a believe that we are born a certain way and cannot change. Thus, everything is an indication of our inherent being. Growth mindset is a belief that you can cultivate qualities. It feeds the idea that mistakes are opportunities because you can always learn to do better. Many current leadership trainings emphasize growth mindset and the term has become a bit of a buzz word but what it look like in a leader?
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I invited Andre Vasquez, Alderperson of the 40th Ward in Chicago to join me in a conversation that emphasizes what it looks like to lead with growth mindset in life and government.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- Owning your mistakes and making living amends
- Authentically and imperfectly showing up
- Normalizing self-doubt
- Playing to your strengths
- Owning your present moment
- Being an activist outside and then inside the system
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
The 50th Law by 50 Cent and Robert Greene
The Esra Klein Show: Your Success Probably Didn’t Come from Merit Alone – interview with Tressie McMillian
40th Ward Office Spotify Playlist
CONNECT WITH ANDRE VASQUEZ:
40th Ward Website
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Unlearning internalized beauty standards and redefining beauty for myself continues to be a big work for me. As a young person, one of the ways several of the kids in my class (especially the girls) bullied me was with the label “fat.” I pointed out that the boys who were my size or larger were not also labeled this way, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t about them. It wasn’t really about me either, but I took it on. We learn many norms, like body norms of size/shape/hair/etc., through shaming because they aren’t about us. They are about control and power. They are sprayed on us to manage what is socially undesirable and we absorb them like pesticides, poisoning our ability to nourish ourselves. Instead we learn to shame ourselves, to keep ourselves in compliance, and forget we even had a choice in the matter.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I share a my most recent work to explore my own internalized beauty standards and empower myself through awareness and radical self-love.
Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:
- Societal and generational learning and unlearning
- The expansive experience of decolonizing my library
- Walking through shame toward radical self-love
- Challenging society’s beauty ideals
- Intimate relationships and what is “sexy”
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
BOOKS/ARTICLES REFERENECED IN THIS EPISODE:
Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel WilkersonThe Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self LovePlucked: A History of Hair Removal by Dr. Rebecca HerzigAlok’s IG Book Report Post on PluckedMy Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and BodiesStop Telling Women They Have Impostor SyndromeUNLIMITED EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Allowing Space to Imperfectly Love Your Body and Yourself
Building Confidence Through Boudoir Photography
No, You’re Not Crazy
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Finding the best bra for you can make a huge difference in how you feel about your body. Unfortunately, it’s a lot harder than it should be because most stores will size you based on what they carry. That means that the majority of women who wear bras are wearing the wrong size bra for their body! However, most of us don’t even realize it. We think that’s just the way the industry is or the way our body is. We believe it’s just one more thing we have to tolerate in life unless we want to spend lots of money on fancy custom bras. But that’s not true! You CAN have cute, supportive bras without breaking the bank no matter what size you are.
In this episode of the Unlimited podcast I invited JoAnn Salazar and Sonja Beallis of Bare Moxie, an intimate boutique, to join me in a conversation around finding the best bra for you.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The importance of a proper bra fitting
- The factors that make a bra work for you
- Why so many women wear the wrong size bra
- Red flags in bra fittings
- How to make a bra last
- Releasing self-judgement based on social norms
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
CONNECT WITH BARE MOXIE:
Website
Facebook
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Twitter
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Building Confidence through boudoir photography is about empowering how you view your body. Empowerment is about choice and tapping into your possibilities. Women are bombarded with unrealistic body ideals, which makes it hard not to internalize the idea that we are flawed. Then, our choice is limited to what products to buy to try to become more beautiful to the assumed gaze of others. Or to disconnect and deprioritize our physical self. Boudoir invites you see yourself and your body through a different lens, to expand what you recognize as possible for yourself. There’s a confidence that blooms out of that knowing. It’s why many women do boudoir shoots just for themselves, not only for an intimate partner.
In this episode of the Unlimited podcast I invited Liz Hansen owner of Chicago Boudoir to join me in a conversation around the empowering experience of a boudoir photoshoot.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- What is boudoir photography
- Sexualization vs embodiment
- Reclaiming your relationship with your body
- Building a sense of confidence
- The power of owning of your mistakes
- Female empowerment ripple effect
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Unpacking the Male Gaze: Birds of Prey vs. Suicide Squad
CONNECT WITH LIZ HANSEN:
Website
VIP [Facebook] Group for Empowered Women of Chicago
Instagram
YouTube
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No, you’re not crazy. You’re living in a period of rapid change in a society full of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Almost all of my clients recently have brought up concerns around dramatically increased levels of anxiety and anger. They know navigating the pandemic is a factor but it unnerves them how often they don’t feel like themselves. Naturally, that exacerbates their stress and triggers self-doubt. My hope is that this episode can support clarity and relieve some of that stress. In the episode I offer both an understanding the social and psychological dynamics of this time and tools to support engaging it.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I engage why you may be feeling crazy right now and what you can do to support yourself.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- What a period of anomie looks like
- Gaslighting and how it’s showing up in our lives
- Shifting how you think about and engage stress
- Intentionally connecting to your values and setting boundaries
- Visioning through risk assessment
There are important changes that need our intentional engagement. In order to do that we must step outside of the pull to reclaim norms that aren’t healthy and courageously lean into creating new norms. This is hard and made harder because the time between old societal norms dissolving and new societal norms forming is fertile ground for gaslighting, an already all too common technique in our society. I believe we can and must evolve. It's messy work but supporting you in it and through it is why I'm here.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
ARTICLES REFERENECED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Sociological Definition of Anomie
Anomie in the Sociological Perspective of Emile Durkheim
Stop Telling Women They Have Impostor Syndrome
Is Someone Gaslighting You?
Here’s How To spot If You’re Being Gaslighted
Embracing Stress Is More Important Than Reducing Stress
UNLIMITED EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
How to Start Meditating
Understanding Your Stress Language
Relearning Self-Love
Girl, Learn to Apologize
Red Flags in Online business
Toxic Positivity
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Red flags in online coaching are important to notice, especially because they can often play on the very patterns you are looking for support to change. Coaching can be extremely helpful when you want to create something different in your life. Working with a coach can help you build a business that fits you, develop sustainable healthy habits, feel more confident in your personal and/or professional life, navigate a life transition, and engage with clarity so many other aspects of life. However, it is a booming and unregulated industry and the online space is full of people intentionally and unintentionally playing on and perpetuating problematic societal stories.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I engage the red flags raised by some of the common “annoying things coaches say” so that you can catch them before getting sucked in by them.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- One size fits all strategies
- Money mindset manipulation
- Making a misaligned strategy about mindset
- Force weakening vs empowering
- Mindset band aids vs sustainable change
- When you need a coach
You deserve support that is truly supportive and helps you feel empowered and resilient in your life. It is especially important during this time of great uncertainty as we are called to make change individually and societally. If you ever have any questions as you seek the right support for you, please feel free to reach out.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
1 What Is Life Coaching
22 Creating Your Ideal Day YOUR Way
38 Making Decisions I Can Trust
39 Calling Out BS In Online Business with Sam Munoz and Karyn Paige
40 So, You Want To Start A Podcast with Alesia Galati
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So, you want to start a podcast… or maybe you’re thinking of turning a side-hustle into a business. Both are big commitments, which means there are several similarities between the two. (And if you want to do both, even better!) Marketing initiatives use stories of starting a successful business, successful podcast all the time. If you’re like me, you wonder about the behind the scenes of some of those “then I built a 6-figure biz” montages. You know they tend to skim over the tough stuff and make it sound like they can now help you fast track success with their 14-day formula. Though there can be best practices, part of the point of creating something new is that it’s new. That means you’ve still got to go through your own not-a-montage journey. Thus, you want a realistic picture of what such a big commitment is really like before stepping into it yourself.
In this episode of the Unlimited podcast I invited Alesia Galati to join me in a conversation around the behind the scenes of starting a successful podcast and a successful business.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- When the universe gives you a little push
- Charging for services as you get started
- Having a support network… and using it!
- How to start a podcast that’s sustainable
- Give yourself time to know what you want and to plan accordingly
- Best practices may be highly recommended, but they aren’t rules
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Listener to Leads Podcast - Episode 6 Creating a Visibility Strategy
Two Sisters and A Cult Podcast
CONNECT WITH ALESIA GALATI:
WEBSITE
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Calling Out BS in Online Business is critical to creating space for innovation in the way we balance work and life. Women often step into building an online business in order to create more freedom in their life. However, they are then bombarded with all sorts of should and a lot of how tos that ended up becoming shoulds. Most of these success strategies don't actually work for everybody because they are not for everybody. They're for the person who created them, their business, and their business model and then sold to others as tried and true methods for everyone.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Sam Munoz and Karyn Paige to join me in a conversation around moving beyond the one size fits all business strategies and creating an aligned business that fits YOU.
Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- Identify what you want and what your business model is BEFORE seeking strategies
- Blending strategy and creativity to choose your own adventure
- The importance of doing the inner work
- Deprogramming the corporate ladder mentality
- Allowing space for discernment and growth
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Episode #38 Making Decisions I Can Trust
CONNECT WITH SAM MUNOZ & KARYN PAIGE:
MAKING WEBSITE MAGIC WEBSITE
SAMANTHA MUNOZ CONSULTING WEBSITE
SAM’S INSTAGRAM
KARYN’S INSTAGRAM
YOUTUBE
TECH WITH INTENTION COMMUNITY
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Making decisions I can trust is at the root of the idea of having clarity and feeling confident. Clarity and confidence are the two things most of my clients come to me saying they want. They’ve started doubting themselves because they’re not doing the things they say they want to do or they’ve checked all those boxes but haven’t achieved what they expected. Paralysis by analysis sets in and they feel stuck, unable to make decisions they feel like they can trust. Most of us have been here at some point in our lives thanks to some of the harmful social stories embedded in our society. Even with a lifetime surrounded by discernment work, I’ve been there too.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m diving into what’s blocking your sense of clarity, what to watch out for when you’re feeling unclear, and how to develop your ability to make confident decisions.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Individual and social patterns that make it hard to find clarity
- Overcoming past mistakes and right-sizing decisions
- The trap of people who want to help you – including coaches
- Decisions that do the most harm to your self-trust
- Ways to rebuild your self-trust
- Support for being the expert of your own life
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
#36 Allowing Space to Imperfectly Love Your Body and Yourself with Naomi Gottlieb-Miller#23 How to Plan for the Future AND Enjoy the Present#17 Learning to Trust Ourselves with Shelly Robinson#14 Planting Seeds to Take Confident ActionSchedule a FREE Exploration SessionCreate Your Flow CourseCONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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How do I get out of my own way and into aligned action is a common frustration that leads people to sign up for coaching with me. My client in this session is an empathic introvert with strong intuition that she struggles to follow for herself. Her hope in signing up for a session was to uncover what keeps holding her back from living in alignment with her intuition. Unfortunately, most of us learn to question our intuition through multiple facets of our socialization. From there we’ve generated idealistic stories about what following your intuition should feel like that fuel additional confusion and perpetuate cycles of feeling stuck.
In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us unlock the stories that hold us back from our intuition’s guidance and staying empowered when things don’t go as planned.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Fear of success
- The grief that comes with transitions
- Understanding self-doubt
- How to ask helpful questions
- Staying empowered when things don’t go as planned
- Stress in stretching your comfort-zone
- Creating a container to support action
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can send me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Apply to be coached for free on the podcast
Schedule a FREE exploration call
Create Your Flow Course
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Allowing space to imperfectly love your body and yourself is so important but yet not something most of us do. Our society tends to be very focused on hard work and results, which feeds an attachment to outcome. We are sold over and over the idea that something else has to happen before we can have space, embrace our body, enjoy life. Unfortunately, if your brain is fed something enough without sufficient contradiction, it internalizes it as it's own idea. That's where we get: “Once I lose 10lbs I’ll feel better in my body.” or “Once the kids are back in school, I’ll have time for a yoga practice again.” These ideas are stories about an imaginary future you. That you is divorced from the messiness of being human, which seems a lot more comfortable even if it's just a fantasy. That said, goals certainly can be great and visioning can be fun but the messy you, the human you, the you who makes mistakes, deserves love and attention too. It’s that attention that makes all the difference in how and where you grow.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Naomi Gottlieb-Miller to join me in a conversation around releasing perfectionism as you embody self-love.
Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- How to simplify self-care
- Releasing the pressure to do it all
- Breaking up with perfectionism
- Self-forgiveness and the value in mistakes
- Developing a loving relationship with your body
- How to create a successful and sustainable habit
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
“In My Mind” Song by Amanda Palmer on Spotify
“Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle” by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
Brene with Emily and Amelia Nagoski on Burnout and How to Complete the Stress Cycle
The Unlimited Podcast Mix on Spotify
CONNECT WITH NAOMI GOTTLIEB-MILLER:
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FREE YOGA QUICKIES SERIES
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More self-control is not always the answer to creating calm and order in your life, despite what you may have heard from other personal development folks. Many of my clients come to me seeking calm and order because they’re feeling overwhelmed, unclear, disorganized or scattered. We’re trained to believe that what we need to overcome this sense of being out of control is to become more disciplined. That if you want to get off the emotional roller-coaster and be more consistent you must learn better self-control. The problem is this doesn’t work, at least not sustainably, and usually leads to increased frustration and self-doubt.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m diving into how to create more calm and order without fighting yourself for control.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Why words like control, discipline, and even consistent can be problematic
- Knowing what’s mine and what’s not mine
- Care vs control
- A guide for clarifying and honoring priorities
- How to be intentional
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Understanding Your Stress Language
Create Your Flow Courses
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Retraining Your Body takes Retraining your Brain and establishing a conscious relationship between the two. Brains love patterns and most of them reside in your subconscious because your brain is designed to make things easier for you. It learns the pattern and, as soon as possible, moves that learning into your subconscious, in order to respond faster and with less energy. Though that pattern was created for a reason and must have served you (or even generations before you) in some way, that doesn’t mean it is helpful now for what you want to do or who you want to be. This is true with both mindset patterns as well as patterns in the way you move your body. The good news is that those patterns aren’t fixed. You CAN change them, especially with a little help from someone trained to support those shifts.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Kira Macoun to join me in a conversation around retraining your body to support you better.
Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- Functional and somatic fitness to reduce chronic pain
- Identifying the problem when it’s not where you feel the pain
- Re-engaging the brain-body connection
- The importance of taking time to notice your patterns physically AND in life
- How to create more freedom in your body and beyond
- Effectively releasing your stress posture
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
CONNECT WITH KIRA MACOUN:
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COMFY FITNESS WEBSITE
KIMBRA WEBSITE
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"How do I motivate working on MY projects, especially as my work gets busy?" asks the woman in this episode. She is a CPA in a small town with her own tax and accounting practice that has exploded in the past 3 years. Recently divorced, she was not expecting her business to grow so quickly at this point in her career. She has lots of creative hobbies she wants to work on but when she’s done with work for the day she finds herself watching tv rather than engaging any of her other interests. Her hope in signing up for a session was to have more clarity on how to spend time on things for herself.
In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us unpack the notions of laziness and lack of motivation to explore the root of where energy is going and how to make room for YOU too.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Mental energy and allocating resources
- Setting boundaries with clients and yourself around work time
- Identifying a difficult client avatar and ideal client avatar
- When hobbies become draining
- Attachment to outcomes even when you know better
- Cultivating a relationship with yourself
This client isn’t unique in her struggle. We’re not taught and in many ways are actively discouraged from having a healthy relationship with ourselves. Women in particular are fed a message that we are supposed to put ourselves on the back burner to take care of others (from our family to our work) and just doing so should give us all we need. Except that’s not how it works. You only have so much energy to give and you certainly deserve some of that allocation!
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can send me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Apply to be coached for free on the podcast
Sign up for a private session with accountability follow up
Schedule a FREE exploration call
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Aligning Life as a Multi-passionate can seem complicated. How do you decide what to focus on, what to monetize, and what you actually WANT to do? It can get a little overwhelming. It’s hard not to fall into worrying about picking the “wrong” thing or letting go of the “right” thing. Even passions in our life can have seasons but it’s hard to let go when you’ve spent so much time, money, and energy in a particular area. It’s important to know when something no longer fits and how to allow a pivot to happen. Self-trust, releasing outcomes, and sometimes a little outside support can be key in moving into a new chapter that honors your values and gifts in a new way.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Bev Feldman to join me in a conversation around aligning life as a multi-passionate entrepreneur.
Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- Identifying and aligning with your values in your work
- How to grow from what isn’t working
- Reframing what it means to be an expert
- Embracing your passions as part of you, not who you are
- Eco-friendly birthday ideas
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval
Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
CONNECT WITH BEV:
YOUR PERSONAL TECH FAIRY INSTAGRAM
BEV GOES GREEN INSTAGRAM
WORK WITH YOUR PERSONAL TECH FAIRY
CHECK OUT THE BEV GOES GREEN BLOG
GRAB BEV’S TECH TWEAK SECRETS
JOIN THE ECO-BINGO CHALLENGE
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The experience of burnout exists beyond the 9 to 5, though we mostly hear it talked about in relation to being an employee for a company. In most studies, the number one factor identified as the cause of burnout is a boss. Many entrepreneurs leave the corporate burnout culture in order to have the freedom and fulfillment of being their own boss. However, the patterns of burnout aren’t unique to corporate, they are embedded in American culture and without deprogramming those patterns, we become that boss for ourselves. Hustle culture in entrepreneurship is just another form of burnout culture in corporate. Not to mention, wherever you go, there you are… so these patterns show up in other areas too… like parenting. I believe you deserve better. You deserve to love your job and to have an amazing boss.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m exploring how to prevent burnout and be the best boss of your own life.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- When “lazy” isn’t the issue
- The point of worrying
- What is burnout and causes of it
- Setting clear and reasonable expectations for yourself
- The drain of feeling out of control
- How to shift burnout dynamics
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
2018 Gallup Report on Employee Burnout
2019 World Health Organization Report on Burnout
Article Psychology Today Burnout
Article Mayo Clinic Job Burnout
Episode #3 Understanding Your Stress Language
Episode #5 The Value of Rest
Episode #22 Creating Your Ideal Day
Episode #30 Learning and Living Outside the Box
Create Your Flow Course
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Learning and living outside the box makes the ability to think outside the box SO much more natural. Yet, while thinking outside the box is considered an asset in entrepreneurship and business, it’s isn’t very supported when it comes to education or how we do life. Our society gets so caught up in measuring sticks like standardized test scores and house sizes to determine whether someone is “doing well” in school and life. How often do you stop to think “How well is this really working for me?” Do you ever allow space to find another way that might work better? It’s not easy to do something different. It’s especially hard if you’re already overstressed. But it’s not as hard as you think and you don’t have to do it alone. Plus, perhaps it’s exactly what’s needed for you, your kid, and the world to be better.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Tiana Kubik to join me in a conversation around living and parenting by your own rules.
Some of what we cover in this episode include:
- Finding what works for you and your family
- The problem with toleration
- “Why?” and the power of curiosity
- Challenges stepping outside the box
- Understanding unschooling & the value in deschooling
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Facebook or Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Episode #17 Learning to Trust Ourselves
Reggio Emilia Approach
Waldorf Approach
Dog Man Series
CONNECT WITH TIANA KUBIK:
Curious Kids Learn Instagram
Us Along the Way Instagram
TK Photography Instagram
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If you don’t learn how to apologize, you will likely end up repeating the harm that led to the need for an apology in the first place. We’ve seen this recently with a number of highly visible people. This isn’t surprising since, like so most aspects of relating to others in a healthy way, apologies aren’t something we’re taught how to do. However, I do find the blundering of the apology particularly ironic with those in the self-help space because the root of a meaningful apology is in personal growth. We all make mistakes. You don’t know what you don’t know, so mistakes are necessary for us to learn to do better. And that is the key… learning to do better. How willing are you to learn to do better? To BE a better human?
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m exploring the mindset and action of a meaningful apology.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- When not to apologize
- Saying “it’s okay”, when it’s not okay
- Self-serving apologies vs healing apologies
- Humility vs Humiliation
- Creating space for learning and personal growth
- Setting healthy boundaries
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Stop Being Nice and Start Being Resilient
YouTube – Friday Night Live with Emily D. Baker
Understanding Your Stress Language
Create Your Flow Course
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We need to stop being nice and start being resilient. Hurt feelings happen but we've been trained to avoid them, rather than how to process and deal with them in a productive way. This leads to codependent behaviors on an individual level and feeds problematic power dynamics on a societal level. This is emphasized in corporate culture etiquette and unconscious expectations on women to manage other people's (especially men's) emotional comfort. These expectations are often deeply internalized and keep us playing small as well as often lead us to perpetuate dysfunctional and harmful norms. It is critical that we learn how to process our own emotions so we can show up with graceful resilience to support our ability to play fully in the world and create change in these problematic patterns.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m sharing my own experience of being told to “Google tact,” how I contributed to this dynamic during my time in corporate, and my insights now as a coach supporting emotional intelligence.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Corporate tone policing supporting success in a toxic structure
- Deconstructing identity stories that perpetuate problematic systems
- The importance of engaging emotions
- Allowing space for self-growth through discomfort
- The problem with the Golden Rule
Thank you for listening!
There is so much more to this topic and I'm feeling called to some deeper explorations within it. Possibly to share in a longer written format down the road...
Do you have a story that relates to this topic? I'd love for you to share it with me!
Please email it to me at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram @unlimitedcoachval
Of course, if you enjoyed this episode, please share it!
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
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The number one relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. It influences how you experience and engage every other relationship be it with people, situations, or resources. Interestingly though, your relationship with yourself is also built by all your other relationships. Most of the dynamics of your self-relationship happen in the background of your mind, unconsciously influencing what you notice around you, how you feel about what you notice, and how you then show up to those things. One step to feeling more in control of your life is to bring those self-relationship dynamics to consciousness and make active choices in how you develop this super important relationship.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into some tools to unlock awareness and taking charge of your relationship with yourself.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Identifying obstacles like toxic individualism and comparisonitis
- The stories you tell about who you are
- Learning about yourself through others
- Identifying actions to retrain your brain
- The people you want on your support team
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
23 How to Plan for the Future AND Enjoy the Present
Susan David The gift and power of emotional courage TEDTalk
In and Of Itself by Derek DelGaudio on Hulu
Schedule a call with me
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Money stories. Many of the ones our society is swimming in are toxic. In order to change those stories and create healthier structures, we need to consciously engage them as individuals. I have many clients who are working to step out of lack mentality and create a greater sense of abundance in their life. They come from a variety of backgrounds and make anywhere from $0 staring out to 6 figures. The woman I’m coaching in this episode is a current client. She signed up for this session because, though we’ve already done a fair amount of work around money, she was still finding herself triggered in certain situations and wanted to dig in further.
In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us explore internalized societal money stories and unlearning them to create mental freedom and empowered choices.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Fear of disappointing family
- The difference between effort and suffering
- Defining work and what’s valuable
- Choosing your relationship with money
If you want to join the Life Visioning Workshop mentioned in this episode you can sign up HERE
Want to come but can’t make it?
Email me at valerie@valeriefriedlander to let me know you’d like me to host it again!
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Life Visioning Workshop
Apply to be coached on the podcast
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Growing up we learn to follow the rules, hustle to create success, if we make enough money we'll be happy and valuable... Most of these stories are rooted in toxic systems that reinforce harmful ways of engaging money and people. This doesn’t make money bad. But it does mean that we need an additional level of mindfulness to engage running a business that is sustainable and ethical in practice as well as product. It takes cutting out the noise from all the “right way” gurus and following a path that you create based on your gifts, interests, and values. AND doing your own work to deprogram the unavoidably internalized hustle culture.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Erika Tebbens to join me in a conversation around being sustainable AND ethical as an entrepreneur.
Some of what we cover in this episode include:
- Creating systems that are aligned with your gifts and interests
- Mindset around pricing to be sustainable
- Tapping into your intuition to build your business
- Releasing shiny object syndrome
- Learning how to trust yourself and live in integrity
- And so much more!
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
CONNECT WITH ERIKA TEBBENS:
Instagram
Sell It, Sister Podcast
No-Sleaze Sales Guide
Rad Clients On Repeat
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Life Vision Workshop
Money is a topic we are obsessed with in this society. It’s incredibly sensitive, so we rarely talk about it directly. Yet we’re constantly surrounded by conversations related to it. Part of the reason is that there is a great deal of shame surrounding it – mostly in not having it, though for some there’s shame in having it that leads them to not have it. All this emotional weight and avoidance creates a very disempowering dynamic. In order to reclaim this tool to build sustainable lives and businesses we must start by intentionally engaging our relationship with money.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Ornella E Yovo to join me in a conversation around developing tangible financial empowerment.
Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- Why we avoid dealing with money and what avoidance can look like
- Building your financial muscles
- The problems with trying to “mindset” your way to wealth
- Creating sustainable habits around money
- Setting boundaries to strategically engage goals
- And more!
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
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Instagram with Ornella
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We're taught from a young age to look toward the future. That life really begins once something in the future happens, such as once you become the person you're going to be when you grow up. The problem is that this sets us up in a pattern of chasing, not having. Many clients come to me saying they have big dreams and want to make an impact in the world but they don't want to sacrifice the present moment. They believe both is possible but don't know HOW. It starts with relearning how to vision in a way that supports both the goal AND the journey.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into how to engage visioning in a way that supports both achieving your goals AND enjoying your life.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- What exactly IS visioning
- Ways we learn to vision that actually sabotage us
- Overcoming fear of failure/fear of success
- The importance of having a purposeful vision
- Ways to engage creating a vision effectively for yourself or with others
I'm particularly passionate about this topic because it's been a big learning for me personally. I spent years building the life I thought you were supposed to have to be happy. I spent more years working to be in the present moment, not getting caught up in the future or the past. I ended up becoming really good at tolerating life, instead of fully living it. Learning how to vision as I describe in this episode was pivotal for me in feeling like I was truly owning my life.
Want support to create a vision that motivates you to action with both future goals and present enjoyment? Let's chat!Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 7 – Can I Make Plans Yet
Episode 22 - Creating Your Ideal Day YOUR Way
Life Visioning Workshop
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There are tons of books all about creating an ideal day or how to start your day so that you set yourself up for success. The problem with all these strategies is that they often tell you to do things that may not fit YOU and instead leave you feeling more frustrated and less productive. The truth is that your level of productivity will look different on different days and how you support your day needs to meet you where you’re at. At the same time, outlining what you want and creating routines are definitely helpful for productivity and life enjoyment. So, what’s the happy medium?
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into how to create supportive foundations for making the most of your day.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- How to bake flexibility into your plans
- Determining routines that support you
- Meeting yourself where you’re at in creating new habits
- Understanding the relationship between time and energy
- Exercises to assess where you’re spending your energy
I went into survival mode with my time when Covid locked us all down, mostly feeling like all I had space for was whatever felt most pressing in that moment. Living like that can become a habit without you even realizing it isn’t necessary anymore, that you actually have at least some of your bearings back. It takes pausing to notice, assess, and envision something different in order to start shifting that way of being. Hopefully this episode helps you begin that process.
If you're interested in judgment-free support to holistically realign life and work to the person you want to be, let's talk. Just schedule a time on my calendar HERE
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 7 – Can I Make Plans Yet
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Have you ever really wanted to do something yet kept not doing it?
The woman in this session came to me because she wanted to write a book and she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t. All her natural obstacles were gone, and she had the perfect conditions for finally doing it: stable income, older kids, stuck at home… yet she still didn’t write.
In this episode of Unlimited, we dig into what creates “stuck” and develop practical steps to taking action with added inspiration from a surprise visitor…
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Creating clarity to motivate action
- How we create obstacles to action
- Tapping into current habits to lean into new things
- Releasing control & attachment to outcome
- Developing self-trust through action
- Utilizing your stress response to get things done
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Sign up for a fitting call
Apply to be coached on the podcast
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You can follow all the strategies but ultimately, success is multi-faceted and can only be defined by you. Yet authenticity is vulnerable and comes with greater risk, especially for people who are marginalized in our society. Stepping into greater alignment with your true self involves letting go of pieces of your life that you were previously defined by. It’s never comfortable, often messy, and there is no perfect – only progress.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Ellie Dote to join me for a conversation exploring understanding and embracing your identity.
- Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- Accepting yourself and owning your story
- Why we seek other people’s style and strategies
- Identifying YOUR success
- Knowing and honoring your values
- Celebrating yourself and others
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
CONNECT WITH ELLIE DOTE:
Walking Towards Cordelia: A story of becoming, accepting, and the journey to get there
Instagram
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Twitter
Blog
Design Website
Support Ellie's work via Venmo: @Ellie-Dote
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Toxic positivity is a hot topic right now because the growing awareness of its presence in the health and wellness industry. It’s used as a way to spoof life coaching in the media and I’ve even had someone at a networking event assume I’d agree that a positive attitude would cure illnesses such as Covid. (That’s a no BTW – less stress helps but it’s not a cure). Based on personal and professional experiences, I’ve come to believe that it is one of the biggest blocks to personal and societal progress.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into when positivity is toxic and what you can do about it.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- What is toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing
- What causes toxic positivity
- What toxic positivity sounds like
- The importance of emotional intelligence and self-love
- What is healthy positivity
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Staged on Hulu
Toxic Positivity | The Psychology Group (article)
Spiritual Bypassing And How 'Wellness' Excuses Racism | ELLE Australia (article)
Stop It (video)
Toxic Positivity – Positively Living Podcasts
Episode 18 – What Do I Really Want?
Episode 11 - Relearning Self-Love
Episode 9 – Reflections and A Way Forward
Episode 10 – Change and Getting Comfortable in the Uncomfortable
Schedule a call
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A single woman in her early 40’s who loves to sing, dance, craft, and cook was contemplating starting a business in performance until the Coronapocolypse began. She’s trying to use this time now for introspection and personal development while also balancing a fulfilling but low paying day job with paying student loans and renovating a house.
She signed up for this session because she has a history of people pleasing and wanted support to learn how to identify her own wants and needs more quickly and develop new habits that allow self-love and success to thrive in her life.
In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us journey through unlocking what’s kept her from what she really wants and a motivation to take action to achieve it.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Motivation blocks
- Self-fulfilling prophecies
- Celebrating to build confidence
- Resisting more than “good enough”
- Building self-worth
This episode is for you if you’ve ever struggled to know what you really wanted beyond what people said you should do or things you were just good at.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Sign up for a fitting call
The Flow Mastery Group info
Apply to be coached on the podcast
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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How much do you trust yourself to make decisions? Women especially are taught in both subtle and not so subtle ways not to trust ourselves. We are given messages over and over again that we don’t know enough, that we don’t do enough, that we aren’t enough. (Then, when we ARE true to ourselves, we’re told we’re “too much.”) This feeds a need to prove ourselves and to try to control other people’s behavior and emotions for us to be “okay.” The self-relationship is the cornerstone of all relationships and it is reflected powerfully by our children, if we’re willing to look and learn.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Shelly Robinson to join me for a conversation exploring the need for control and learning to trust ourselves.
Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- Disrupting patterns of being
- Releasing labels and behavior as a basis for worth
- Creating space to make decisions from love
- The importance of building our own resilience
- Being aware of what you’re focusing on
- Nurturing relationships with kids or anyone starts with knowing yourself
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Why Our Collective Obsession with Productivity Keeps Us from Rest – The Notable Woman Podcast
Kintsugi – The centuries old Japanese art of repairing broken pottery and transforming it into a new work of art with gold [video]
How to Break the Nightly Cycle Of Mom Shame
CONNECT WITH SHELLY ROBINSON:
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This gifted intuitive is tired of just “getting by” in a job she doesn’t feel spiritually or emotionally fulfilled by. She recently became certified as a crystal practitioner and is working toward a tarot certification and wants to start a business but struggles to believe she really can. As a recovering alcoholic she’s done a lot of self-work in recovery as well as around a traumatic past. Her hope from this session was to uncover and explore what attitudes/beliefs were holding her back and get some clarity on how to move forward with confidence.
In this episode of Unlimited, we uncovered the inner critic message guarding her comfort-zone, shifted the relationship, and identified a new belief plus action to help reinforce the shift.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- How much knowledge is enough
- Releasing control and trusting the process
- Fears in being visible
- Navigating judgment and self-doubt
- Inner critic going above and beyond in ways that are no longer helpful
- A belief that connects to some tangible action
This episode is especially for you if your desire to play big is butting up against your need to feel safe.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Flow Mastery Group
Schedule a fitting call
Prosperity Consciousness
Apply to be coached on the podcast
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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Married, mom of a 3 year old, wants to make a career shift but is feeling stuck as to how. She had a near death experience after her son’s birth that rearranged her priorities and inspired the non-profit she started. She has a PhD in virology and is working on her Masters in Public Health but has been struggling to land a position that fits the work she wants to do. Her hope from this session was to have a little bit more clarity and an idea for a path forward.
In this episode of Unlimited, we discovered that she’d subconsciously disqualified her true passion, so we assessed the “dream” and realigned her energy to the work she really wants to do, creating clear next steps to make it a reality.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- What stops you from seeing your next steps
- Shifting the work has to be hard mindset
- Staying centered in what you have control over
- Finding a focus to energize you
- Overcoming money baggage
- Valuing your time and your gifts
This episode is especially for you if you’ve ever felt stuck pursing a decent job so you can pursue your dream later.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Flow Mastery Group
Schedule a fitting call
Apply to be coached on the podcast
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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Work with Valerie!
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/valeriehf)
We are right between winter and spring equinox, which is a time for preparing seeds to plant for the year. The next few coaching sessions I’m sharing in the next few weeks all centered around finding not only clarity to take action but uncovering the hidden blocks to confidence that were ultimately preventing that clarity. Ultimately this is a deeply personal process (as you’ll see in the coaching episodes) but there are some concepts that can help you engage your own process.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into how to plant the seeds to take confident action.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Overcoming the blocks of fear
- Tapping into your best self
- How to see yourself more clearly
- Pausing to process
- Gut vs Intuition
- Navigating Self Doubt
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Life is a Joke. 199 Life Lessons (with punch lines) by The Javna Brothers
In and Of Itself by Derek DelGaudio on Hulu
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Multi-passionate entrepreneur and married mom of 2 wants to create a new branch of her business but is lost in the weeds of how. A self-identified “ideas person” she’s been stuck in analysis paralysis for months now. She signed up for this session because she was longing for someone to just tell her the “right way” even though she knows there isn’t really a “right way.”
In this episode of Unlimited, we dig in to understand the block and use that knowledge to help her create a plan that applies her strengths to overcome her obstacles.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Shiny object syndrome
- Connecting your head and your heart
- How to create a sense of stability when starting something new
- Finding YOUR next right step
- Building confidence
This episode is especially for you if you’ve ever been stuck in analysis paralysis when trying to figure out the next best step to move you forward.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Book a private 1-1 coaching session
Apply to be coached on the podcast
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/valeriehf)
What is coaching? It’s a question I get asked a lot and I talk about it in episode #1 but it’s one thing to talk about and another thing to experience. So, I put out an invitation to participate in a recorded coaching session to share with you and received a number of applications. Today’s episode of Unlimited is the first of those sessions.
In this episode of Unlimited, I share a coaching session I did with an artist, community activist, entrepreneur, and soon to be divorced mom of a teenager. She signed up for this session because she wanted clarity on her next career steps after running for a local political office as well as experiencing a variety of shifts in her life over the past several years.
Some of what we engage in this episode include:
- Clarifying success
- Fear of failure – especially wasting time and money
- Money mindset
- Finding focus as a multi-passionate person
- Creating confidence when doing something new
- Pursuing goals without attachment to outcome
This episode is especially for you if you’re a multi-passionate person who wants to choose your own schedule and make a living doing work that matters but you worry you’ll pick the wrong path and waste time and money on something that won’t work out.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
#1 What is Life Coaching?
Apply to be coached on the podcast
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There is A LOT going on right now. It’s heavy and draining yet you don’t want to get sucked into the yuck. You want to be a light in the darkness. You want to show up for the people who you love and the things that really matter. Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for your relationship with everyone and everything else, however it tends to be the thing we poke holes in first.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into actively cultivating self-love, especially in times when things feel out of control.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- The difference between self-love and self-care
- Identifying your level of self-love and expression of love for yourself
- Finding realistic, achievable ways of expressing love for yourself
- Holistically engaging self-love and ways we sabotage our relationship
Too often I see people (especially womxn) beat themselves up with self-care shoulds, which does the opposite of the purpose of self-care. Just like in any relationship, the way you need to express love for yourself may be different at different times. Identifying where you’re at, meeting yourself there, and taking one supportive step forward will help you build self-confidence and gradually make it easier and more natural to express self-love.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The 5 Love Languages
What’s Your Stress Language Quiz
3 Understanding Your Stress Language
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Neuroscience shows that it is possible for us to develop new neuronal networks but that doesn’t mean change is easy. Actually, the only sure thing is that it isn’t – it’s uncomfortable, confusing, and takes work. Yet we’re in a time that is inviting us, actually more like shoving us, into change. That we show up and how we show up is up to us.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into playing big and getting comfortable in the uncomfortable.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Changing the rules
- Navigating change
- Making aligned decisions
- Getting comfortable being uncomfortable
One of the things people tend to do when things are uncomfortable is label them as bad and wonder what’s wrong and who’s to blame for it. This pulls you away from the power you have and the value the experience holds for you. Staying curious and discerning what you WANT will help you harness the value and move forward through the discomfort, but change is easier said than done so a little support goes a long way.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram.
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
4 Tips To Embrace Being Perfectly Authentic (blog)
9 Reflections and A Way Forward
3 Understanding Your Stress Language
Behave (book)
Captain Marvel
Flow Mastery Group
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At the end of the year I take some time to reflect on the year gone by. This year is special, not just because it’s been so crazy but because it marks my 5 year anniversary of stepping into entrepreneurship. I’ve learned a lot about myself, about stress and resilience, and about the dynamics of change, all of which have served me very well through this 2020 experience.
In this episode of Unlimited, I’m diving into how to create a flow in the process of growth.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- How I reflect on the year and insights from that reflection
- My key take-away so far from 5 years as an entrepreneur
- The dynamics of influence & aligned leadership
- A system for failing forward and even enjoying it.
There have been a lot of tough lessons in the journey of the past 5 years, not to mention in 2020. It’s also been fascinating to observe as both a life coach and sociologist the interplay between the personal and social experience of change. In some ways it gives me hope because I see the people I work with engage creating a flow forward and believe that means its possible in a bigger context.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Britannica on Anomie
On Being – This Species Moment
8: Loving Yourself Through Grief with Lisa Zawrotny
Soul
Captain Marvel
Flow Forward Roadmap
Flow Mastery Group
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The holidays can be a very difficult time for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one, regardless of when that person passed. That grief is particularly present and extensive this year with COVID making 2020 the deadliest year in U.S. history. Many people are also experiencing grief from loss of jobs, plans, relationships, etc. and even simply in empathy with our communal grief.
In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Lisa Zawrotny to join me for a conversation focused on loving ourselves and each other through grief.
Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
- Learning about ourselves in the mess
- The difference between being organized and simplified and neat and tidy
- Different kinds of grief and ways we grieve
- What intentionality around grief looks like
- How to be supportive of someone’s grieving process
In many ways we only just scratch the surface of this conversation but conversations help create space for healing and you have to start somewhere. If you are experiencing any kind or layer of grief, you are not alone. You deserve love, space, and grace as you process that experience however it is showing up for you right now. I encourage you to check out the additional resource links below.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss [book]
How We Grow Through Grief with Katie Rössler [podcast]
Episode 3: Stress Languages [podcast]
Toxic Positivity with Valerie Friedlander [podcast]
Best Way to Get Motivated [video]
Positively Living Membership Community [resource]
CONNECT WITH LISA ZAWROTNY:
Facebook
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Resources
Work with Lisa!
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It’s that time of year when lots of people start talking about goals and intentions for the next year but it's different this year. Of course, I definitely get the desire to move on from 2020 but we are STILL in the thick of the Covid crisis. Though I resisted being one of the many to talk about New Year goal setting, I thought it was important to explore how we honor the desire to move forward while still feeling paralyzed in many ways by the trauma we’re still experiencing as a society.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m diving into how to cultivate a positive mindset without ignoring reality.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Why we want to make plans and why we resist actually doing it
- The difference between goals and intentions and how to set both effectively
- Utilizing productive reflection to support your next steps
- Staying in control and empowered when life happens
- Five steps to support aligned forward movement
We can't magic (or mindset) Covid or any of the other realities of the world away. What we CAN do is choose how we show up to them and the impact WE have on THEM. We can choose who we want to be, what direction we want to go, and how we want to experience the journey. This episode is to support you in doing that no matter what time of year it is.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Magnolia Soundtrack
Flow Mastery Group
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You’ve probably heard all about the value of meditation but it’s another thing to actually DO it, especially when you’re a busy mom entrepreneur. Even if you used to have a practice, if you’ve fallen out of the habit, it can be hard to get started again. It’s easy to inadvertently set unreasonable goals that keep you from the benefits of that valuable space of rest.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m diving into cultivating a practice that meets you where you’re at.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Getting started (or restarted) with meditation
- Overcoming resistance
- Setting expectations with yourself and others
- Tips to quite the mind (Grab a pdf with the list HERE)
How you relate to meditation, just like any form of rest will look different for you at different times of your life and what works for you may be different than for other people. Lots more tools to deal with comparisonitis in upcoming episodes, so be sure to stay tuned!
FREE pdf on my resources page: Meditation Tools: Simple Solutions to Quiet the Mind, Anywhere, Anytime.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
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After a conversation with my Flow Mastery group, I realized we needed to talk a little more about rest, particularly about navigating the obstacles to making space for rest. As your life shifts, so does your relationship to rest. Also, though now is a natural time for rest, it’s still important to meet yourself where you’re at when it comes to making space for it.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m diving into applying grace, gratitude, and intentionality when it comes to navigating the obstacles to rest.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Obstacles to rest
- Improving the quality of your rest
- Creating supportive habits
- Meeting yourself where you’re at
What rest looks like for you and how you relate to it will change in different seasons of your life. We’ll talk about habits and intentionally navigating obstacles to the life you want a lot more, so be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive practical tips on supporting your best self.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 5: The Value Of Rest
Unlimited Trailer
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Rest is one of the most important parts of productivity but by far the least acknowledged. Winter is a time when we are naturally called to rest and rejuvenate, yet we’ve instead made it one of the busiest times of the year. Allowing yourself the space to rest is critical to creative thinking, making aligned choices, and showing up as the person you want to be.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m diving into the value of rest and embracing it during the holiday season.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- What rest looks like
- Pondering why we don’t rest
- What makes winter and the week before your period key times for rest
- Ways to support yourself when in a season of rest
The only constant in life is change. That means there are times we need to let go of something and pick up something else. We’ll talk about rest and creating space to discern what it is time to put down and what you are called to pick up a lot more, so be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive practical tips on rest and the other seasons in life.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Mayo Clinic on Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)Healthline on PMS -DepressionHormonology - Female Hormone CyclesJim Carrey – What It All Means video by Absolute MotivationTAKE IT FURTHER:
Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less
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**Healthy boundaries are super important as we head into the holidays, especially in the midst of the Covid 19 pandemic. The word boundaries is used a lot in the personal development space but not always explained clearly. Understanding is key to feeling empowered to set supportive boundaries.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m diving into how to set healthy boundaries in general but especially around pandemic life and holidays.**
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Understanding boundaries
- Setting boundaries
- Communicating boundaries
- Navigating holiday and Covid boundaries
**Healthy boundaries create space and freedom. They are empowering because there’s a responsibility and self-awareness that comes with the process of setting boundaries. We’ll definitely be talking about boundaries a lot more, so be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on how to set healthy supportive boundaries in your life.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to
post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval**
**I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions. You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:*Episode 2Episode 3*
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Our society has a love hate relationship with stress. We rely on stress for a sense of productivity and we spend a lot of energy on stress management trying to prevent the chronic stress from causing burnout and harming our health. Stress isn’t inherently bad. It’s our relationship with stress that’s problematic.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m talking about a different way of engaging stress so that you can use stress instead of having stress use you.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Understanding stress
- Stress release
- Effectively harnessing the energy of stress
Developing a healthy relationship with stress and how it shows up in our lives and relationships is a core component of my work. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on how to engage and shift the dynamics of stress in your life.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:How to Make Stress Your Friend – Ted Talk by Kelly McGonigal
The 5 Love Languages
Find your Stress Language Quiz CONNECT WITH VALERIE:Facebook
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Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/valeriehf)
Lots of people love personality tests. Personality tests can definitely be fun and can also be helpful to normalize your experience of life. BUT the self-labeling that happens with personality tests can also create an identity box that limits you and holds you back in ways you don’t even notice.
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m exploring beyond personality and into the more expansive and actionable realm of perception.
- Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- The difference between personality and perception
- The Energy Leadership Index Assessment
- A breakdown of the 7 levels of energy
- Changing your life using a different lens
The Energy Leadership Index Assessment and framework are foundational in my practice because of how they illuminate and expedite the coaching process. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on using this framework to make mindset shifts.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions. You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:Reliability and Validity Paper
Core Energy Research Paper
Forbes – Best Tests to Help You Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Valerie’s ELI Assessment page
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:Facebook
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Get email updates!
Work with Valerie!
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/valeriehf)
One of the questions I get asked most often is "What is a life coach?"
That’s why episode #1 of Unlimited is all about life coaching!
In this episode of Unlimited, the podcast, I’m sharing the importance of life coaching and how to understand this very popular, very helpful, but also very vague modality.
Some of what I'll cover in this episode include:
- The differences between coaching and therapy, consulting, and mentoring
- Certification and the International Coaching Federation
- How to find the right person to support you
- How life coaching helps when you're starting a business
Life/Business alignment coaching is my jam and I love helping to make these tools accessible no matter where you're at. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on professional coaching and self coaching.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:ICF Core Competencies
Institute for Professional Excellence in CoachingI express in this episode how fuzzy the differences between the therapy and life coaching professions can be. Here are a couple additional articles to help you explore further:Should I work with a Psychotherapist or a Coach
The Difference Between Coaching and Therapy Is Greatly Overstated
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:FacebookInstagramGet email updates!Work with Valerie!
Welcome! I'm Valerie Friedlander, CPC, ELI-MP and the host of Unlimited.
In this episode I share a snapshot on the whats and whys of this podcast as well as my background and approach to the topics we'll cover here.
Topic such as:
- Impostor syndrome, stretching comfort zones, and building confidence
- Navigating emotions and setting healthy boundaries
- Living in the present while planning for the future
- Relationships with people, social structures, and most importantly yourself
- Intentional, aligned, and growth-oriented decision making
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram @unlimitedcoachval
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Facebook
Instagram
Get email updates!
Work with Valerie!
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/valeriehf)