The EmotionAlly Podcast: Recent Episodes
Kirk Voss
The Emotion Ally Podcast is a weekly conversation with a clinical therapist. You can expect to hear meaningful tools that will help you strengthen relationships and more clearly understand yourself and your closest people. You will hear weekly feedback from a therapist, conversations with real people discussing their lives, and learn perspectives on how to bring out your best self. Come learn why your emotions are not your enemy, but when channeled, actually one of your most powerful strengths.
In this episode, I introduce our newest clinician on the therapy team, Cori Lazarte. I talk with her about why therapy is important, how it works, and what people can expect when they sit down with a therapist. Cori explains her approach to helping clients find meaningful change and strength, and we dispel some of the social media myths about how change happens. Cori is now accepting clients through our therapy group, and this episode gives you a chance to see how she can help you and those you love. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I describe how we can generate lasting hope despite our current life circumstances — both for ourselves and for those we love. I discuss the definition of hope and introduce 3 categories for creating substance upon which to build real hope. We dive into topics such as joy and purpose, the meaning of true worth, and how connection can help us strengthen ourselves and those around us. Give it a listen!
In this episode, Kirk interviews author and child development expert, Stefanie Hohl, about kinesthetic learning for kids of all ages, and specifically for young kids learning to read. She explains a reading program she has developed, titled “ABC See Hear Do,” and how we can apply movement in learning to a variety of positive outcomes in child development and academic growth. Kirk also discusses how parents and teachers can better meet children where they are, and help kids to find success, motivation, and self-worth through kinesthetic reading programs such as the one described in this episode. Even if your kids are in middle and high school, this episode may give some valuable insight about how to help them thrive in their academic learning. Give it a listen!
In this episode, Kirk discusses common mental health terms that are often misunderstood and misused. He defines and describes worry vs. anxiety, sadness vs. depression, OCD, Bipolar, ADHD, gaslighting, boundaries, people-pleasing, and perfectionism. And he gives solid reason for hope as we each can, through therapeutic intervention, achieve meaningful traction and healing for these aspects of our mental health. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss the concept of layered emotions, and why they matter in life and in our relationships. I explain Surface vs. Core emotional expression, what it means to become “emotionally fluent,” and how we can apply that fluency to our closest relationships. In this episode, we’re digging into effective communication, empathy, and how to help others feel more seen. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by Stefanie Chou, whose oldest son is about to graduate high school, to discuss the art of parenting through difficult transitions. We discuss the uncomfortable emotions of transition moments, what it means to let go, and how to make room for a new relationship. We talk about the process of grief as it relates to transition, and how fostering connection can act as an anchor point in even the most turbulent moments. It’s real, it’s raw, and you don’t want to miss this episode. Give it a listen!
In this episode, Kirk and Meg discuss what it means to be “highly emotional” in families, and, from the perspective of a teenager, how to handle it when our parents fit that description. Kirk explains 5 keys for teens (and family members) when handling a parent who is angry, sad, anxious, or overwhelmed. Meg asks Kirk the questions submitted by listeners on this topic, and Kirk offers strategies, tools, and hands-on examples to make even our complicated family relationships feel better connected. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I am joined by my 8 year old daughter, Pepper, and I ask her about her views on friendship, kindness, and managing stress. I ask her what things she wishes grownups knew about kids, how she handles disappointments and frustrations, and what things she finds to be most important to her. It’s a refreshing perspective on life, from someone who is still not burdened by adult fear and guilt. Give it a listen!
In this episode, my wife Meg & I discuss common misbeliefs and successful strategies for parenting adult children. We outline the difference between secure attachment and unhealthy bonds with our adult children, discuss when to give advice—or not, and chat about common parental beliefs that often get in the way of healthy relationships with our adult kids. We also acknowledge the grieving process inherent in raising children and how to find meaning as we seek to focus on our child’s becoming. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I am joined by Cori Lazarte, a therapist who helps clients who grieve. Together we discuss different ways that grief may enter our lives, what to say (and not to say) to those who are grieving, and we explain how important it is to make it ok to “not be ok,” and how it can be a part of our healing. We talk about what to do with our anger, and what part it may play in the process. Cori shares her own experience with grief and loss, and we discuss how, when those whom we love are grieving, our “persistence without expectation” can be key to helping them find their strength again. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I explain the purpose of traditions and rituals in our families and relationships, and why they serve as a medicine for resilience in our times of struggle. I discuss how to determine when we may need to add traditions, and when we should give ourselves permission to let them go or to evolve. Whether during the holidays, or in our everyday lives, I explain how traditions have the power to strengthen what matters most to us. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss why our love that we give sometimes gets brushed off, or goes unseen, or receives a lukewarm response. I explain how to help your partner feel the love you give. I describe the four rungs on the ladder of expressing love, how to access each step on that ladder, & why this effort will ultimately help us to see & be seen by those we love. You don’t want to miss this one. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I explain how we can help our kids to find and keep their emotional resilience, and how to create a “Teflon” for the hardships that they face, like loss, bullying, correction, and personal life storms. I explain how building secure attachment fits into that resilience. I also discuss how to help kids (and adults) to speak fairly to themselves, and I describe how to help prepare our kids for the uphill climbs that they face. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I am joined by my wife, Meg, as we discuss what helicopter parenting is and what it isn’t. I explain the 4 commonly labeled styles of parenting, and we introduce a new parenting style that I’m excited to share with you, and which can help you focus your parenting efforts with greater meaning, and hopefully less confusion and overwhelm. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I explain why people fear and avoid addressing mental health. I explain the key questions that we can each ask ourselves so we can determine whether our state of mind warrants additional support from a therapist or physician. And I explain why there IS hope and a solid and clear path forward for healing when we do need that help. We don’t have to fear and avoid “popping the hood” on our mental and emotional health. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss a popular YouTube episode I heard online that describes the world trying to make men soft and weak and brainwashed with emotion and emotional sensitivity. I discuss that popular mentality, and I explain the reality of emotional intelligence. I make the case for how emotion makes men, and women, even stronger in their grit and lifestyle, if emotion is properly accessed and accurately understood. Give it a listen!
In this episode, my wife, Meg, & I talk about parenting high-emotion kids. We discuss origins of our kids’ emotional outbursts, how our own reactions can calm or elevate those emotions, and the role of empathy in our parenting response. We’ll dispel myths about emotion and offer hope for any parent who struggles — because we all do. Give it a listen!
In a recent study, loneliness was declared a public health epidemic. In this episode, I summarize the main points of this study and I discuss how to foster deeper connection despite ongoing feelings of loneliness. I explain why we need to heal our attachment to ourselves, how to achieve the self-clarity this requires, and why making peace with ourselves allows for greater connection with those around us. Give it a listen!
In this episode, my producer, Richie T. Steadman, joins me to ask me the questions people often want to know about what therapy is, how it works, and what to expect. I talk openly about how to choose a therapist, how to bring a reluctant loved one to therapy, when to do therapy and when NOT to do therapy, and I explain exactly how therapy helps. Therapy should feel like it’s safe, and that it is worth the effort we give to it. I explain how to make that happen. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss the concept of reconciliation— what it means and why it’s worth it. I describe the difference between proactive and reactive responses to emotion, why reconciliation is actually a gift, and how to extend empathetic invitations to restore connection. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how depression and anxiety often may slide under our radar, in those we love, and even in ourselves, and why that happens so often. I explain the importance of emotional fluency to mental health, how to ask meaningful questions when our loved ones may be hurting, and 7 signs of anxiety and depression that we often miss in those we love. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m discussing how to rebuild and repair trust that has been broken. Through several family and parenting examples with teens, I describe how these principles apply to intimate partnerships and other close relationships. I discuss common patterns of repair that ultimately backfire, and how to effect organic change and foster maturity in ourselves and our teens. Finally, I introduce keys to creating real and lasting relational security, even after trust has been broken. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I introduce a framework to effectively guide healthy goal and resolution making, no matter when we get started on our goals. I discuss 4 key framework elements that allow us to focus on process and measure true, lasting growth. Then I’ll dig into the whys behind our significant need for emotional fluency in today’s world. Give it a listen!
In this episode, my wife Meghan joins me as we discuss common communication struggles in long-term committed relationships. We talk openly about our own communication pitfalls, our personal relational needs, and our varying processing styles. Then we’ll discuss how to harness vulnerability and why empathy is the best path for reaching meaningful solutions. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat about “black and white thinking,” or thinking in extremes. I discuss why we slip into patterns of polarized thought, and I give practical steps that can help us change these patterns. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss why we play the comparison game, the many types of comparison we fall into, and how we can do better. I explain four underlying lies that accompany self-comparison and then give four key tools to free ourselves from its grip and feel true joy in our lives.
In this episode, I discuss why we play the comparison game, the many types of comparison we fall into, and how we can do better. I explain four underlying lies that accompany self-comparison and then give four key tools to free ourselves from its grip and feel true joy in our lives.
In this episode, my wife joins me to talk about mom guilt and how empathy helps both partners undo it. We discuss the thought patterns that can lead to spiraling, how to validate each other’s struggles, and the role of empathy as we seek to help our partner feel through their overwhelm. Give it a listen!
In this episode, my wife joins me to talk about mom guilt and how empathy helps both partners undo it. We discuss the thought patterns that can lead to spiraling, how to validate each other’s struggles, and the role of empathy as we seek to help our partner feel through their overwhelm. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss true productivity and how it relates to creating more meaning in our lives. I tackle cultural assumptions of what productivity is and redefine productivity as it relates to emotional health and happiness. I also give four key factors for harnessing our effort so that it pays off better and sustains us longer— allowing you to create, produce, and keep more meaning in your life. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how we can find our hope, even in the face of overwhelm and emotional strain. I mention why our emotions matter, where our power and control really lie, and how to tap into that power to realize the exceptional capacity we already have. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined again by Dr. Michael Voss as we discuss the realities and misconceptions of two often-mislabeled diagnoses: Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. We explain the core realities of both diagnoses, including origin, effective treatment strategies, and tips for family members. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Michael Voss as we talk about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: what it is and what it isn’t. We discuss signs & symptoms of OCD, as well as effective medical and therapeutic treatments, and we distinguish between Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality, three conditions which are often misconstrued and/or mislabeled. When it comes to OCD, there IS hope and help available, both for those who suffer and for their loved ones. Give it a listen!
For this 100th episode, I discuss why we need to be more cautious when it comes to self-diagnosis of mental health conditions. I discuss why teenagers can be particularly susceptible to mislabeling (and why that matters), why misdiagnosis impacts our ability to empathize, and how mental health in social media can create polarized thinking patterns. As wonderful as it is that mental health issues are slowly becoming more destigmatized, it’s important to proceed with caution and good information. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss the experience of feeling invisible and how we can change it for ourselves and others. I explain why it’s so common to feel unseen, suggest three ways in which we can help ourselves feel seen, and explain the importance of intentionally reaching out to those around us. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with Dr. Ken Parnell about current research on the science of gratitude. We discuss the wide-reaching psychological benefits of gratitude, the role of gratitude in emotional & physical intimacy, and why flexibility is a pillar of psychological health. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by Monica, as we talk about grief & her journey. We discuss the many emotional sides of grief; how to navigate life & mitigate triggers associated with grieving; what to say (& what not to say) to support loved ones who carry the weight of loss; and where to find hope, even in the darkness of grieving. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I tackle how to talk our kids through the inevitable disappointments they will face. Watching our children suffer is never easy, no matter what age they are. I discuss common survival patterns parents fall into & why these patterns backfire. Then I outline a 6-step response pattern that will not only build closeness & connection, but will allow your child to feel powerful, no matter what situation they are facing. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to speak out about important issues without falling into the pitfalls of being reactionary. I make a distinction between being direct & being blunt, I discuss the importance of allowing for redemption in our relationships, and I explain why empathy allows us to speak truth to each other in direct ways while remaining true to our best selves. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m talking about relationships: with others and with ourselves. I discuss 3 tools for bringing ourselves into better focus, and then I touch on the unintended distancing we create through people-pleasing and how we can invite closer relationships with the people around us. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how exercising vulnerability can help us better manage difficult transitions we face in life. I explain the power of willful vulnerability and owning our emotional experiences, how to effectively deal with multiple stressors at once, and the importance of giving ourselves grace throughout our process. Give it a listen!
Spoiler Alert!: Despite the title, this episode applies to ALL of us as parents and connectors. In this episode, I chat with Callie about her experiences as a parent of multiple neurodiverse children. She describes the varied ways in which her children received their diagnoses, her role as a parent, and the effects of such diagnoses on her life and marriage. We discuss the importance of the long game, how to prioritize relationships over behaviors, and why self-grace is key to all kinds of parenting. Though we focus on neurodiverse and special needs parenting, Callie’s insights will benefit any parent struggling to better understand and serve their children. Don’t miss this one!
In this episode, I explain the waterfall metaphor as a way to frame our feelings and empower better emotional wellness. I discuss the realities of addiction & how to heal our many kinds of survivalistic coping methods, how to effectively undo emotional triggers, and why treating emotions as our allies lies at the core of any kind of long-term healing. Give it a listen!
It In this episode, I’m talking FOMO, the Fear of Missing Out, and how to utilize our time—and our summers—to our best advantage. I discuss the many consequences of a FOMO-infused culture, including varied ways in which it has affected my own life, and I outline how intentional connection can help us move past the anxious frenzy that often accompanies the FOMO trend. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to move our lives forward in small, actionable steps that help us build and keep momentum. I chat about the importance of asking deeper questions & living by process, how to feel on purpose & get out of survival/superficial mode, and what true courage looks like. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to explain difficult (perhaps even impossible) extended family dynamics to your kids without throwing them into the fray. I explain the difference between reactivity and proactivity, how to avoid weaponizing our emotions, and why it’s so important to model emotional fluency for our kids, even in the midst of heavy feelings. Give it a listen!
In this Father's Day episode, I'm joined by Kolette Hall, Life Coach and co-author of the book, Messy Victories, to discuss her powerful story of married life and parenting with her quadriplegic husband, Jason Hall. We chat about the book that she and her husband wrote, and she describes from her own powerful experience how each of us can live with purpose, adapt to our challenging circumstances, choose to help and be helped, and create a legacy of being the parents and people that we are meant to be. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to navigate relationships that may have gone sour over time or circumstance. I make a case for dismissing our internalized guilt, I discuss the role of empathy in boundary-keeping, and I give two key questions to ask yourself when faced with communicating through strained family relationships. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by singer/songwriter Cheri Magill to discuss letting go of destructive paradigms. We chat about undoing emotional fears, the importance of self-compassion, and how to model healthy emotional habits for our children. Give it a listen, and be sure to check out Cheri’s new album, Songs from My Backpack!
In this episode, I discuss self-sabotage— what it is and how to root it out. I explain how to identify emotional triggers, the value of sitting with our emotions, and the importance of giving ourselves room to grow into healthier patterns. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with Jeanne about the inherent struggles of parenting adult children. We discuss the challenges of mentoring in this phase of parenting, how to make space for the lives and choices of our adult children even when they may not reflect our long-held expectations, and the hope and empathy that comes when we just keep trying. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to forgive those with whom we have limited or no contact. I review the staircase to forgiveness, explain how to effectively engage in empathy for long-term healing, and discuss how to take back our emotional control in healthy, meaningful ways. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss gaslighting—what it is, and what we can do with it. I explain the history of the term itself, how to recognize this kind of emotional abuse in a relationship, and I give tips for restoring relational balance and emotional health. Give it a listen!
In this episode I chat with fifteen-year-old Noah about his perspective on the teen experience. We discuss the effects of social media, the importance of friends and finding your passions, and how to be humble, even when we don’t want to be. As a child of divorced parents, Noah also gives excellent insights for both teens and parents dealing with the effects of divorce. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to cope when even the anchors in our lives get pulled, leaving us floundering and overwhelmed. I give four tips to endure such jolting experiences, to find peace despite uncertainty, and to allow emotions to inform, rather than overwhelm, your thoughts. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by therapist Kate Alcamo to discuss how parents can help their teen & tween daughters thrive. We discuss how to create open lines of communication, tips for establishing healthy body image, and why learning to embrace short-term discomfort can lead to long-term benefits in our children’s lives. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat about what makes and breaks a relationship and how to avoid common pitfalls. I discuss codependency vs. effective dependence, the healing power of vulnerability, and the real meaning of love in lasting relationships. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I debunk several parenting “untruths,” including the prevailing idea that “more is better” in the parenting world. I discuss various popular parenting myths and their realities, explain effective emotional processing with kids, and discuss how to develop an attachment-based parenting style that focuses on true, lasting meaning. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m discussing emotional paralysis and how to free ourselves from feeling stuck, regardless of our circumstances. I discuss five underlying needs that feed into emotional paralysis, how to fill those needs, and the importance of tapping into our emotions to give our lives deeper context and meaning. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss boundaries and their role in mitigating feelings of resentment and burnout. I explain how to know when boundaries are necessary, the fears we often face in setting boundaries, and how facing those fears and recognizing our own needs can actually draw us closer to those we love. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss 6 tips to make your Valentines Day more meaningful, regardless of your budget or personal situation. I’ll chat about connection and vulnerability, the true meaning of romance, and how to better see each other three-dimensionally and with grace. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Michael Voss to discuss the realities of self-harm and suicide, and how families and friends can best help those who suffer. We discuss the underlying motivational structure of self-harm, the complexities of suicidality and its relationship with self-harm, the many resources available and when to seek such resources, and real hope for long-term healing. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by sex therapist Braxton Dutson to discuss how to address pornography with kids and teens. We chat about when and how to start sexual conversations, what not to do, and how to seek real understanding even in the midst of the most awkward or difficult sexual questions. Give it a listen!
In the wake of a tumultuous year and a difficult new year, I discuss how to bridge the divide with the many people around us who think differently than we do. Rather than distancing ourselves from our neighbors, family, and friends, I discuss the importance of reaching out, acknowledging the good, and loving anyway. Extending empathy to others doesn’t mean we agree, but it allows us to come together even when we share little in viewpoint. Give it a listen!
In this New Years episode, I discuss the problems in our lives and relationships that we may have mislabeled. I talk about how to recognize what is beneath our struggles that upset us, the process of how to better address them, and how seeing ourselves 3-dimensionally can help us get out of our own way when it comes to finally stepping forward in our lives. This episode will help you start your year with a better roadmap. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with Lincoln, my 9 year-old son, about his take on big emotions and living our best lives. We discuss how he manages those big emotions, how parents can help kids open up, and what it means to feel loved. Prunes, moms escaping to closets, and astronauts might also sneak into the conversation. You don’t want to miss this one—give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss ways in which we can retake control of our emotional lives, even if we feel trapped in our current situations. I chat about the power of nostalgia, identifying our needs in order to better meet them, and the importance of being intentional with our time and connection. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I ask my brother, psychiatrist Dr. Michael Voss, all about the medical side of anxiety & depression diagnosis. We discuss the relationship between therapy & medication to address anxiety/depression, how to recognize common experience vs. clinical diagnosis, what’s happening in the brain & how anxiety/depression medication works, and the immense hope and help that is available for all those who suffer. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with content creators Chelsie & Bedford Dort about the complexities that come with being a blended, mixed family in the social media spotlight. We discuss the realities and struggles of marriage (& remarriage with kids), the power of loving anyway, and how to stay focused on the people who matter most, even in the midst of the noise & waves of life. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss the realities of people-pleasing—where it stems from and how to curb it in healthy ways. I mention root issues that often result in people-pleasing, how to distinguish between real compassion/empathy & unhealthy patterns, and tips for undoing self-sabotaging habits while also nurturing greater connection with those we love. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m talking about how to be patient with our own growth curve and push against the brutal thought patterns we often inflict upon ourselves. I discuss how to aim for the right stars, real ways to forgive ourselves, and how focusing on healthy process will lead to the meaningful, lasting outcomes we need. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to find personal fulfillment, regardless of whether we succeed or fail in our own personal checklists. I identify three core means of measuring our ultimate life meaning, how to pair ambition with outcomes that we can’t control, and the value in our attempts to make lemonade out of the lemons we’re dealt. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to take empathy to the next level in our relationships and daily interactions. I explain how loving people as if they were in crisis can guide us to love better, and I outline three categories of empathetic living that will help us to “become empathy” at our core. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with Rachel about staying hopeful in the dating process. We discuss tips for online dating profiles, the importance of slowing down, and how to keep from becoming jaded while remaining true to our authentic selves. Give it a listen (and share with the single people you love)!
In this episode, I discuss how to lean into political and other difficult conversations without sacrificing our personal relationships. While many of us vacillate between lashing out and remaining silent, I discuss the importance of inviting measured conversation, how to hold to a platform without injuring the opposition, and why empathy will allow us to rise together, even with differing opinions and perspectives. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m chatting with mom & entrepreneur Vanessa Quigley about juggling multiple responsibilities in the midst of the hectic pace of life. We discuss crafting a narrative that matches our best selves, the struggles of maintaining connection in the midst of stress & overwhelm, and how to let our imperfections be part of our success story. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with LMFT therapist Janey Komm about the role of self-care as a means for greater connection. We discuss what healthy self-care looks like; the importance of finding, maintaining, and meaningfully sharing our own personal voice; and how rediscovering ourselves and our relationships can help us find the connection we've always wanted. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I explain how we can check in on our own emotional health— what to ask, what to consider, and how to find emotional stability despite unsteady circumstances. I discuss the importance of hope, how willful vulnerability can give space for meaningful empathy, and why the healthiest method of controlling our life may, in fact, be linked to what we can’t control. Give it a listen!
In this episode, sex therapist Braxton Hutson and I discuss healthy ways in which parents can address sexual topics with kids and teens. We discuss age-appropriate ways to talk about sexual topics, how to tackle sexuality in media, and the importance of connection and curiosity to help us stay calm in even the most difficult conversations. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss strategies for engaging in civil discourse about emotional topics, specifically when it comes to political and other charged conversations. I discuss how to be principled without being rigid, passionate without being reactive, and how we can grow in empathy for others while holding fast to both our principles and our passions. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with friend and fellow therapist Jen Fairbourn about how to face difficult life transitions in healthy ways. We discuss how to help teens and adult children navigate life changes, healthy methods of managing our own perspectives in the midst of seemingly impossible life shifts, and how empathy and connection can guide us as we work to better develop our transitioning process. Give it a listen!
Navigating divorce is hard enough, and doing so with kids in the mix is even more heart-wrenching and complicated. In this episode, I discuss how to help children feel safe in the midst of trauma, cooperative vs. parallel co-parenting, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and healthy ways to stop swinging the passive/aggressive pendulum. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to overcome the fear of feeling deeply in order to better navigate the lose-lose situations we invariably experience in life. I explain how to feel through our disappointments in order to become less reactive, less impulsive, and ultimately, more emotionally fluent with ourselves and those we love.
It been a year since we launched, so my wife joined me in this episode to talk about impostor syndrome and following our passions. We chat about how to rewrite our negative personal narratives, the importance of giving ourselves permission to be human, and the essential relationship between true feeling and success. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to best help struggling loved ones without destroying our own emotional well-being in the process. I outline how to engage our empathy, face emotions proactively, and inspire real, lasting change in those we love.
In this episode, I’m joined by Catherine Brown, a writer and eating disorder survivor, to discuss emotions, responses, and hope for healing from disordered eating. We chat about the emotional basis of eating disorders, effective ways to reach out to friends and family who struggle, and how to help our teenage children better navigate their emotions and self-image. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to channel our emotions and allow them to inform us, regardless of how difficult they may be. I recognize the reality and prevalence of depression and mood disorders, explain how to honor our emotional experience without letting our emotions drive us, and give my definition of what true joy really is. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by Dave, a friend and colleague, to chat about navigating singlehood in a world built for pairs. We discuss the inherent challenges of maintaining visibility and authenticity, becoming our best selves regardless of relationship status, and the benefits of improving our emotional vocabulary to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I get personal while discussing resilience in the face of extreme disappointment. Through my own experience, I discuss three tips for developing personal resilience, why holding still poses an even greater risk than gently stepping forward, and the power that comes with allowing ourselves to feel our emotions more fully.
In this episode, I’m joined by James to chat about his varied life experiences as a son, a father, a single dad, and now a stepfather. We discuss James’s difficult experiences with his own father, navigating divorce as a dad, and how to stay grounded in what’s most important, even when life knocks you sideways. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m talking healthy expectations for meeting needs in a relationship. I discuss the importance of willful vulnerability, how to distinguish between needs and deal-breakers, and how to be perfectly engaged, even without perfect circumstance. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m chatting again with Ty about how his experiences battling depression & anxiety & finding help have shaped his recent marriage. We discuss vulnerability & communicating emotion, how to approach depression & anxiety as a couple, and why going through the fire can actually make your family & relationship that much stronger. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to foster greater empathy in our conversations and interactions. I’ll outline the steps needed to ultimately effect healthy communication even when we disagree, how to be proactive rather than reactive emotionally, and how to let empathy be our vehicle as we seek to better understand and move forward together.
While PTSD is often associated with combat or horrific life experiences, trauma and its effects in our lives are, in fact, much more common than we realize. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Sean Davis to discuss the definition of trauma, its widespread impacts, the power of acknowledging our own vulnerability in the midst of crisis, and healthy ways to help ourselves, our teens, and our marriages regain a sense of control in the face of uncertainty. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I address what perfectionism is and isn’t and how to mitigate unhealthy effects of perfectionism in our lives and the lives of those we love. I’ll discuss red flags, the power of unconditional empathy, and how fueling passions can help foster a healthier connection to self and allow us greater peace and purpose in the “meaningful gray” of our lives.
Give it a listen!
In this Mother’s Day episode, I’m joined by Andrea Reeve & Brittany Richman, co-creators of The American Moms website, to talk about the incredible—yet all-too-often overlooked—impact of women in families, society, and the world. We chat about influential American women in history, how their lives relate to the experience of women today, and the extraordinary value of women who meaningfully engage in and share their passions with those they love most. Give it a listen— then share this episode with the women in your life!
As we lead up to Mother’s Day, we’re chatting this week with Tara Carson, founder of The Dating Divas website, about marriage, parenthood, and her own infertility journey. We discuss self-care, the emotional underpinnings of libido, and the importance of making time for your partner, especially when you’re thick in the throes of parenthood. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I’m joined by Sherry Ward, a mother and photographer currently balancing home, work, and school life. Together we’ll talk about balance, dark moments, finding self-worth despite the sometimes terrible storms of life, and how such moments can shape our decisions and help us better see who we truly are. You won’t forget this one. Give it a listen!
Whether it’s the proximity of quarantine, empty-nest syndrome, or job shifts, more time together does not always equal more connection with our partner. In this episode, I discuss the relational importance of traditions and feeding nostalgia, how to lean into our own core emotions and those of our partner, and why sincerity & intent outweigh perfect words and actions, every time. These days aren’t easy on relationships, but it is possible to come out of it with greater connection and shared purpose. Give it a listen!
Studies show that couples fight at least three times a month about financially-related issues. In this episode, I discuss how to make finances a unifying factor in marriage, rather than a divisive element. I’ll describe unhealthy communication patterns couples often fall into, how to avoid such patterns, and how to use empathy to make both financial successes and disappointments shared experiences that actually serve to draw us closer.
In this episode, Ty, a former client, shares how he recognized, faced, and ultimately overcame his personal battle with anxiety and depression. We discuss the connections between emotional health and self-motivation, why vulnerability and emotion are a worthwhile risk, and how facing our struggles head on can ultimately help us find our voice.
In this episode, I’m joined by Phil & Julie Berry, both Award-winning creative professionals, to chat about the power of creativity in the midst of the struggles of life. We discuss their creative journeys, what often keeps us from reaching our creative goals, and how to foster creative drive without sacrificing our most important relationships. Give it a listen!
How do we best gauge our success when our world is in upheaval? In this episode, I tackle the question of how to focus on process and intention, rather than results. I chat about the things we can and can’t control, what it means to live by connection, and why doing so will ultimately lead us to greater peace and joy, even in the midst of a world in commotion.
Watching our teen (and adult) kids make unwise decisions or face intense struggles can be heart-wrenching, frustrating, and even embarrassing. In this episode, @drseandavis joins me again to discuss the best ways to help lift the burdens our kids carry and how a focus on the fundamentals can help us better see the big picture. We’ll chat about how to get past our own embarrassments and distinguish whether our kids are unwilling or unable to comply with our hopes— and why that’s important. This is a good one. Give it a listen!
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, even within the healthiest relationships. In this episode, I point out red flags, explain the difference between healthy fighting and abuse, give tips to help kids feel safe amidst parental conflict, and outline the core relationship principles that will not only help us fight with our partner in healthier ways, but will eventually negate the need for fighting at all. Give it a listen!
We’re shaking things up this week with an episode discussing pop music and relationships. I’m joined by Rich & Celeste Davis, hosts of the Marriage Theraoke Podcast, a podcast that analyzes relationship messages in pop songs and then rewrites the songs accordingly. We chat about how their podcast came to be, how popular music can affect our relationships, particular episodes that have struck a chord with listeners, and which messages we’d like to see more of in the music world. This is a fun one— give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss dating from multiple angles, from tips for online dating, to building trust with a partner, to the most important questions to ask before making a long-term commitment. Whether you’re single, just starting out, or in a committed relationship, this episode will help you recognize and cultivate healthy patterns of emotional expression with those you love. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to craft questions that inspire real connection with those around us. I’ll chat about the kinds of questions that help others feel safe, the importance of paying attention to the comfort levels of those around us, and how real empathy speaks louder than perfect execution. Give it a listen!
In this Valentines week episode, I’m joined again by Dr. Sean Davis as we discuss the life of a marriage. Research points to the fact that most long-term marriages follow a “seasonal” pattern. We chat about what each season looks like, how to recognize the transitions, and what we can do to better feel peace and hope (and patience!), regardless of which season we’re currently experiencing. Give it a listen!
As Valentines Day approaches and reminds many of us of what we lack, we’re focusing this week on some of the single most important aspects of who we truly are, regardless of our relationship status. We’ll dig into what our self-worth truly entails, how to identify and cultivate our true selves, and how to better connect with others on more than an external level. Give it a listen!
That truly is the question for many young parents these days. In this episode, I’m joined by Katie T. Christiansen, founder of Preschool Inspirations, to discuss whether preschool is really necessary, emotional wellness for the littlest ones in our lives, and how even the most exhausted parents can still make childhood magical. Give it a listen!
Whether we’re talking about our own kids or our neighbors’ kids, entitlement has become a buzz word these days. In this episode, I explain what entitlement is, where it stems from, and I offer parents hands-on tools to help their kids avoid it—or more accurately, to develop beyond it, regardless of what age their kids may be. Give it a listen! And remember to subscribe!
In this episode, I chat with Dr. Sean Davis, a leading researcher in the field of marriage & family therapy, about the links between physical and emotional self-image and how they show up in our most intimate relationships. We chat about the importance of emotional connection and how such openness can help us draw closer to our intimate partners, both in and out of the bedroom. Give it a listen!
Happy New Year! In this episode, I make a case for having Connection be your 2020 theme. I talk about the importance of process over outcome, how to better connect with yourself (and not just through self-care!) and how to connect better with those you love. Give it a listen!
In the last episode of 2019, I chat with author J. Scott Savage about finding hope even in the trenches of our lives. A master storyteller, Savage draws on his personal and career experience to remind us that failure is not the end of the road, but rather a necessary bend in it. Don’t miss this one!
In this episode, I tackle the topic of facing our unfaceable emotions—the overwhelming waves of grief, hurt, discouragement, or whatever else that seem like they will drown us if we give them space in our everyday lives. I explain where so much of this fear comes from, why survival is normal but may be unhealthy long-term, and finally, how to face even our most overwhelming emotions on a daily basis, in a way that helps us heal from the inside out. Give it a listen!
Buckle up, because this episode is for every parent, grandparent, or guardian who has ever experienced the oh-so-familiar guilt of not being enough, not doing enough, or not starting your child’s therapy fund (thanks to your own mistakes!) early enough. We’ve ALL felt it. Where does it come from? When is it justified? How do we best handle it when it comes? And how do we forgive our own parents for the mistakes they made with us? It’s all in this one, and— you guessed it—it all centers around attachment. You don’t want to miss this. Give it a listen!
Therapist In this episode, I chat with marriage therapist Dr. John Brailsford about compassion and vulnerability, when it’s most meaningful for a couple to get help, and how to know when you and your partner are headed in the right direction. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how to make holiday time together with family and friends mean more than just time. We want to share memories, we want to build bond. But sometimes all we actually share is space. I explain how to build connection during our holiday gatherings, even if our friends and family don’t know how to bridge that gap. Give it a listen! And remember to subscribe!
No relationship is perfect, and even the best marriages face rocky periods. In this episode, I chat with Richie, a former client, about his experience in a former marriage. We talk codependency, unhealthy patterns, how to come back to the table and find healing (there is hope!), and how to heal even if the marriage doesn't. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss how we can get closer to our partners and loved ones by bringing forgiveness to the equation. We all talk about it, we ask for it, but we don’t always know how to actually forgive, especially when our hurt runs deep. I explain what is, and what isn’t, forgiveness. And I give meaningful steps for how we can forgive, how forgiveness can facilitate healing, and how we can then feel the full measure of the bond we used to have with our partners and loved ones. Give it a listen!
As the holidays approach, I discuss how to navigate the complicated, messy, and at times, toxic relationships that we often face: be they family, work, or community-based. I discuss how to better understand ourselves, as well as the people we may find ourselves struggling to love, and I give tools for staying true to our authentic selves in the midst of those difficult situations. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss some hands-on tools for talking with our kids when they have big emotions and when they go to extreme statements and threats because of those emotions. We don’t have to be afraid, and there really are meaningful things we can do to help. I discuss what to say to our kids in those moments, how to know when higher intervention is needed, and how to keep our own stability in their “storming.” Give it a listen!
In this episode, I interview Sarah, a therapy client and single mom who has learned through hard experience how to be there for her kids when circumstances are hard. We discuss how we can CARE for our kids without CARRYING their emotions. We talk about making self-care intentional. And we discuss respecting the emotions of our children, while still guiding them. We also discuss “mom guilt” and how holding on and persisting is more important than pursuing perfection. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I discuss the necessary pieces to getting our teens to HEAR us and to WANT to connect, rather than just hearing that we are upset, that we are right, and that they’re the problem. I discuss how empathy requires no mutual agreement on a topic in order to function well. And I explain three steps to getting solutions to stick with our teens. Give it a listen!
In this episode, I chat with Nikki Harmon, a gifted LMFT Therapist, about some of the things that matter most when it comes to parenting. We talk shame and emotion and how to be the calm at the center of our children’s storms. Give it a listen!
In this Week Three episode, I talk with an actual client couple (whose voices have been altered to protect confidentiality). In this month of discussing addiction, I ask them to explain their journey of healing from pornography addiction as a couple. It’s powerful stuff—the perspective of a couple who has found their connection again—and healing that lasts. Give it a listen!
In this Week Two episode, I respond to an emailed question from a listener named Patrick.
This month’s episodes hover around the topic of addiction and how to address it. As Patrick is dealing with his own addiction to pornography, he wonders if he should tell his partner, or if he should address it on his own. I discuss the reasons for our open disclosure, the best ways to confront the issue for our own selves, and how to safely keep our partner in the loop even when we are struggling. Give it a listen!
In this Week One episode, I discuss the roots beneath addiction and addictive behavior. Though typical episodes are 20 minutes long, due to the importance of this topic, today’s episode is about 30 minutes. I explain why the root of addiction is found in attachment, how we can use that lens to more deeply understand our loved ones who struggle, and how attachment can be a guidepost for healing the patterns we want to change in our own lives. I also discuss the prevalence of and recovery process for pornography addiction. Give it a listen!
In this Week Four episode, I talk with a psychiatrist, who helps people heal mental and emotional illness with medicine. He answers commonly-asked questions and addresses what people often worry about when it comes to getting help. He discusses whether medication really works, and how we can better understand the clinical help that is available to us. Because he’s my brother, we dig into some questions that might not usually get asked. In so doing, he reminds us we are all human, and explains why we should see ourselves, and each other, through a different lens. Give it a listen!
In this Week Three episode, I talk with an actual client couple (whose voices have been altered to protect confidentiality), and they discuss how they knew they needed therapy, what it was like, and how it helped their relationship heal.
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In this episode, I respond to an emailed question from a listener, Thomas, who wants to know why he struggles to want therapy. I explain both the normalcy of getting help and the strength we can gain by using empathy to build safety and connection. Give it a listen!
Follow on social media:
Insta: @theemotionallypodcast
FB: The Emotion Ally Podcast
Twitter: @emotionallypod