Delight Your Marriage: Recent Episodes
Belah Rose | Author, Podcaster, & Marital Intimacy Enthusiast
Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical).
Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast!
We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely.
If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Brutal Truths (about Spiritual Leadership) that Husbands Need to Hear - Part 3 Husband, Your family feels what you carry into the room. They feel your peace. They feel your resentment. They feel your patience. And they feel your anger—even when you never raise your voice. That may sound heavy, but it is also hopeful. Because it means you have more influence in your home than you may realize. Spiritual leadership is not about knowing the most Scripture, having all the answers, or making every decision. It is about becoming a man whose wife and children experience the character of Jesus through him. In this new podcast episode, we discuss what that looks like practically, including: * How to create safety without becoming passive * Why legitimate pain does not justify bitterness * How to set firm boundaries without anger * Why listening matters more than immediately fixing * How emotional and physical intimacy are connected * What it actually means to initiate spiritually
You are not broken, and you are not beyond hope. You may simply need the right wisdom, tools, and equipping to become the husband and father God is calling you to be. Your marriage can change. Your home can change. And that transformation can begin with the next faithful step you take. God bless, Belah Rose Delight Your Marriage (AI helped write this email) PS - Want more insight into the health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to find out your Marital Health score.
PPS - Ready to start your healing journey? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right fit for you.
PPPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I felt emotionally disconnected from my wife and we had intimacy like once a month. My unmet sexual need both in frequency and quality created more tension a rift between us... [now, after coaching], I have grown in loving my wife by learning to make her safe emotionally and spiritually. I have grown in my consciousness and awareness of the spiritual leadership that I possess and I have expressed that abundantly by intentionally praying for her and our kids twice a day".
Resources Mentioned: One Year Bible Devotional for Boys ChristianbookThe One-Year Devotions for Boys Unoffendable, Brant Hansen ChristianbookUnoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better - Revised & Updated
Brutal Truths (about Sex) that Husbands Need to Hear - Part 2 Can we encourage you with something?
Wanting intimacy with your wife doesn't make you selfish.
God designed that desire.
But wanting the right thing doesn't always mean we're pursuing it the right way.
Sometimes the very strategies that seem like they should bring us closer actually create more distance.
If you've ever thought:
"Why does she keep pulling away?"
This week's conversation may answer that question.
We'll talk about why pressure almost always backfires, why emotional safety matters so much more than most husbands realize, and how healthy marriages create an environment where intimacy can actually flourish.
One of the biggest takeaways is this:
Don't focus on convincing your wife.
Focus on becoming the kind of husband she feels safe moving toward.
That's where lasting change begins.
If your marriage has felt stuck, let this episode give you both clarity and hope.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Want more insight into the health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to find out your Marital Health score.
PPS - Ready to start your healing journey? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right fit for you.
PPPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: " I felt lonely, discouraged, and hopeless, and resentful...[After Masculinity Reclaimed,] my wife seems to be feeling safer with me and is being more vulnerable and affectionate towards me."
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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For more than 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook & Instagram for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
Thank you for listening and God bless!
Brutal Truths: Husbands Need to Hear Part 1 Every husband wants to be respected.
But here's a difficult question:
Have you become the kind of man who is truly respectable?
Most people think respect is earned in the big moments.
The promotions.
The accomplishments.
The recognition.
But God often builds respectable men much differently.
In private.
When no one is watching.
One courageous choice.
One difficult apology.
One conviction you refuse to compromise.
One act of obedience after another.
In this week's episode, we dive into why genuine respect grows from the character you build long before anyone else sees it.
The private choices you make today...
Become the man your wife, your children, and others will admire tomorrow.
That's how God builds lasting transformation.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Want more insight into the health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to find out your Marital Health score.
PPS - Ready to start your healing journey? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right fit for you.
PPPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I would ponder, 'Is this it?' 'Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?' There was misery and strife in our relationship below the surface...[Now,] I have grown tremendously in the simple steps to regain intimacy in our lives. It was my responsibility to create a change in myself first. That's what I really appreciate about this program."
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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For more than 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook & Instagram for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
Thank you for listening and God bless!
Could Women Be Increasing Fatherlessness? Take a moment and ask yourself this question:
What does your husband see when he looks into your eyes?
Does he see admiration?
Does he feel respected?
Or does he brace himself for another correction?
It's not an easy question.
Most wives don't wake up wanting to criticize their husbands. You simply want your marriage to be better. You want him to grow. You want your family to thrive.
But what if one of the greatest gifts you could give your husband isn't another suggestion...
What if it's genuine admiration?
This week, we explore why respect is "like oxygen" to a husband, how criticism can quietly wound your husband's heart, and how learning to admire the strengths God has placed in him can begin transforming your marriage—and with it, your home and your family.
If you've been praying for healing, this conversation may give you a completely new perspective.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Want more insight into the health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to find out your Marital Health score and the right next steps for you.
PPS - Ready to take the leap? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right fit for you.
PPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I remember the hardest part of my day was just coming home and preparing for the stress of being there. It felt like I was not even wanted at home. I felt emasculated, like my voice didn't matter, and even good things I did were met with resistance or suspicion... [Now that I've gone through the program,] her overall countenance has shifted from contempt to more secure...I don't feel unwelcome anymore in my own home. She's noticed the hard work I've been doing and has said that she does feel cherished by me. She's been texting me more funny Instagram videos, and I even got an affirmation about how she loves me over text while I was on a coaching call..."
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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For more than 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook & Instagram for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
Thank you for listening and God bless!
Pastor Finds His Own Marriage Revival Here: Interview with Father Joe Sometimes the smallest changes tell the biggest story.
In this week's conversation, Father Joe shares the very first change he noticed after his wife went through coaching.
She stopped telling him how to drive. (Yes, really!)
It might sound like a funny detail.
But to him, it represented something much deeper.
Less tension.
Less criticism.
More peace.
More grace.
And it made him wonder:
"What changed?"
The answer wasn't that she'd simply learned better communication.
God had been transforming her heart.
Maybe you've been praying for God to change your marriage.
What if He begins by changing one heart?
What if one willing heart becomes the catalyst for peace throughout an entire family?
At first, Father Joe wasn't interested in coaching.
But after watching God at work in his wife's life, he decided to take that same step of faith.
As he did, God began changing his heart too.
He learned to listen instead of trying to fix.
He discovered new ways to love and understand his wife.
Today, he describes their marriage with words like peace, unity, hope, and deeper intimacy.
Even their children noticed the difference.
And now, together, he and his wife are helping other couples in their church experience that same hope.
That's how God often works.
He changes hearts.
And changed hearts begin changing homes.
With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Are you ready to start the healing journey? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right next step for you.
PPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "Our biggest struggle was for emotional connection, which was specifically being severed during attempts at communication, particularly when trying to resolve conflict or solve problems... I knew I needed tools, strategies, a framework, and different approaches, and I didn't have them...I saw my family slipping away... I am now equipped. I needed tools and a framework, and I got both. A fresh perspective...I can now see that clearly, with the perspective I gained through DYM."
#marriagehelp #marriagetestimony #healthymarriage #delightyourmarriage #christianmarriage........................................................
Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For more than 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook & Instagram for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
Thank you for listening and God bless!
Surrender Your Masculinity to Jesus: Interview with Aaron Smith Consider this question:
If your marriage never changed...
Would Jesus still be enough?
That question is at the heart of this week's conversation with Aaron Smith.
For four long years, he and his wife struggled with painful intimacy issues that nearly ended their marriage.
Like many couples, they kept praying for God to change their circumstances.
Instead, God began changing their hearts.
One of the most powerful moments in our conversation comes when Aaron realizes that Jesus didn't wait for His Bride to become perfect before giving Himself for her.
He loved first. Sacrificially. Completely.
That's the invitation for every one of us.
Not because it's easy.
But because it's the way of Christ.
To love first.
Let this conversation encourage you to remember: God cares about your marriage. He is worthy of your surrender. And He is still working.
With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Are you ready to take the leap and become the person God created you to be in your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right next step for you.
PPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say:
For years, I felt so dissatisfied, frustrated, and angry toward my wife. I was living in a repeating cycle of expecting sex, not being fulfilled by it because of her lack of desire for me, being angry at her for not trying to connect with me in the relationship, holding it in for as long as possible, then trying to "fix it" by talking to her about it or lashing out at her, then back to the expectations.
My wife, kids, and myself, all felt unsafe and dissatisfied with life and who I was...
This program has helped me so much to learn how to handle not only my emotions, but hers as well. She is truly seeing me as a safe place and I want to protect that at all costs...I have also learned how to speak to my wife's heart and to truly listen to her...I am now living in God's purpose and design and the pieces around me are falling into place.
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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For more than 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook & Instagram for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
Thank you for listening and God bless!
Is It Manipulation or Is It Kindness? Whether you realize it or not, you're already influencing your spouse.
Every day.
Through your words.
Your attitudes.
Your reactions.
Your encouragement.
Your silence.
The question isn't whether you're influencing them.
The question is why.
Are you trying to get your own way?
Or are you trying to help them become who God created them to be?
That's what this week's podcast is all about.
Many husbands and wives feel guilty when they want change in their marriage. They worry that encouraging their spouse toward growth somehow makes them manipulative.
But what if influence itself isn't the problem?
What if the real issue is the motive behind it?
In this episode, we explore the difference between selfish manipulation and godly influence—and why helping your spouse move closer to Jesus may actually be one of the most loving things you can do.
With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Ready to take the leap and begin healing your marriage? Our Clarity Advisors would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
PPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I am responsible for changing my heart. Attempting to change [my wife] only caused her to feel worse and more unsafe.
By working on myself to be a better man she is drawn to that. Realizing that God's design is about sacrificial love with no expectations. There is a true freedom in that.
I had turned so much about my marriage into a bargaining chip for sex that I had lost the plot and failed to love my beautiful wife the way that Christ loves us. Truly a wake-up call."
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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For the last 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
Thank you for watching and God bless!
Not a Bad Marriage, But the Future Looked Disconnected: David's Transformation Journey One of the biggest lies couples believe is this: "This is just what marriage becomes."
The excitement fades. The connection weakens. The emotional intimacy disappears.
And we convince ourselves that's normal.
This is where David found himself.
His marriage wasn't falling apart, but it wasn't thriving either.
He was starting to see small cracks ("micro-fissures" as he called them) in the foundation.
As a couple, they were functioning fine–paying bills, raising kids, managing life– but somewhere along the way, they had stopped truly connecting.
When looking for advice, he would hear things like: "That's marriage." "That's life." "Honeymoon's over."
But God offers something different.
Marriage was never designed to be two people surviving under the same roof; it was designed to reflect Christ's love.
To be life-giving. Refreshing. Connected.
When David stopped focusing on what was missing and started focusing on becoming the husband God was calling him to be, everything began to shift.
His wife became more vulnerable. Their conversations deepened. Their friendship grew. Hope returned.
And perhaps the best part of the story is this: his children started noticing.
They watched their dad plan surprises for their mom. They helped him prepare dates! They saw affection, intentionality, and joy.
That's generational impact.
You are not meant to settle for a marriage that merely functions.
God has something better than survival.
And the beautiful part? The journey starts with just one willing heart.
With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Wives, want to know more about the free Course we're currently offering? Check out Wives, The Path Back to Warmth to sign up and learn more!
PPS - Ready to take that first step and begin healing your marriage? Our Clarity Advisors would love to talk with you. Schedule a Free Clarity Call; it starts with one willing heart.
PPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say:
"I've become much more aware of my harshness and demanding nature...I've been working at lighting up and letting people be themselves around me, including [my wife]...
I really like DYM and appreciate [Belah] and the program very much.
The step-by-step nature is good. It's both simple and hard at the same time. Your content makes me think and ponder very deeply, which is not something I've done much and really makes me want to improve as a person. No other program has touched me as deeply."
If you've ever looked in the mirror and felt disappointed...
If you've ever believed the lie that your body isn't beautiful enough, desirable enough, or worthy enough...
I want you to know something.
That voice is not God's voice.
The God who knit you together in your mother's womb did not make a mistake when He made you.
Your body is not something to be ashamed of.
Your story is not something to hide.
Your weaknesses are not proof that you've failed.
In fact, some of the sweetest intimacy in marriage happens when we stop pretending we're perfect and allow ourselves to be fully seen.
Seen physically. Seen emotionally. Seen fully & honestly.
The enemy would love for you to stay hidden behind shame.
But God invites you into freedom. He invites you into connection. He invites you into the warmth that comes when we stop performing and start being known.
You don't have to arrive at perfection before you allow yourself to be loved.
You are already loved.
And that changes everything.
With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Wives, want to know more about the Course mentioned in this episode? Check out The Path Back to Warmth, sign up here! delightyourmarriage.com/wivespath
PPS - Ready to take the leap and begin healing your marriage? Our Clarity Advisors would love to talk with you. Schedule a Free Clarity Call and take the first step towards healing.
PPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I was not good at giving him compliments. I thought them but I didn't tell him. I'm not good at being playful. Learning how to be more playful has helped our marriage... [He] is my eternal companion and I know we make a great team. Having my girls see how we interact and see our happiness will be a great example for their families."
In case you need this reminder today:
You are allowed to be in process. You are allowed to say, "I do not have all the answers yet, but I want to learn." You are allowed to be growing.
That is not failure.
That is humility.
And humility is often far stronger than we realize.
Sometimes we think confidence means having everything figured out before we take a step. But that's not real confidence at all.
Real confidence says, "I'm willing to learn." Real confidence says, "I don't know everything, but I'm going to move forward anyway." Real confidence says, "I may make mistakes, but I'm not going to let fear keep me stuck."
Because transformation requires confidence.
Not confidence that you'll do everything perfectly, but rather confidence that God can help you grow.
Remember: you are not starting from zero.
There have been times you loved your spouse well.
There have been moments that brought a smile to their face.
There are ways God has already grown you that you may have forgotten.
You are a good spouse who wants to get better.
Bravo to you. Seriously.
And if fear has been whispering that you shouldn't try unless you can do it perfectly, don't listen.
Perfection isn't the goal. Becoming more like Jesus is.
So take the next step. Ask the question. Receive the help. And move forward with confidence.
Love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is raise your hand and say, "I need help." That's exactly what a Clarity Call is. It's a humble, confident first step toward the marriage transformation you're praying for. We'd love to walk alongside you with coaching, encouragement, accountability, prayer, and practical next steps. Schedule your Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I have grown in patience and understanding that I must love my wife without any expectations. I have learned that the old way that I was attempting to change my wife was one of the main ways I was driving her away. Understanding that safety is not just about physical security but also her feeling safe emotionally."
#confidence #growthmindset #marriagecoach #lifecoach
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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For the last 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
Thank you for watching and God bless!
Sometimes Christians speak about the body as though it barely matters.
As though spiritual growth and physical stewardship are completely separate things.
But Scripture paints a very different picture.
God created your body intentionally.
Jesus came in a body. Jesus rose in a body. And one day, we will receive glorified bodies.
Your body matters to God.
In this episode, Justin Roethlingshoefer (Own It Show, The Power of Ownership) explained how many people live disconnected from their bodies entirely.
Ignoring exhaustion. Ignoring stress. Ignoring burnout. Ignoring emotional pain.
Until eventually the body begins sounding alarms we can no longer ignore.
Anxiety. Fatigue. Autoimmune struggles. Hormonal issues.
And often we wonder: "Why is this happening to me?"
But perhaps sometimes the better question is: "Have I been stewarding what God entrusted to me?"
Not from condemnation, but from invitation.
Because God is not trying to shame you.
He is inviting you into abundant life.
And at the center of that invitation is identity.
Justin shared that for years, he believed his worth came from achievement and performance.
But God taught him that he did not need to earn what had already been freely given through Christ.
You do not have to prove your value. You already have value.
And from that secure identity, you can begin making decisions that honor the life and body God has given you.
And when you care for your body fully, you can also show up for the things God has for you fully.
We hope this episode blesses you!
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)
PS - Want to learn more about Justin and his work? Check out his website at https://justinroethlingshoefer.com/. His books are available at here and his newest book, Holy Health, is set to release this August. We are excited about it! Thank you again, Justin, for your insights and for being on the show!
PPS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? We want to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "DYM has shown me that change for my marriage start with changing myself. Through Belah's videos its abundantly clear that I am the one that needs change but these changes are only possible through Christ and his grace and desire to see me have a relationship with him first and then allow him to present me again to my wife as the man of God she has always wanted to be with."
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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.
For the last 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.
We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.
If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/
Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.
Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@delightyourmarriage) or your favorite podcast streaming platform.
Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Thank you for listening and God bless!
Maybe intimacy in your marriage doesn't look the way you thought it would.
Maybe there are physical limitations. Health challenges. Pain. Insecurity. Lack of desire. Aging. Shame.
Or just a deep sadness that things don't feel the way they "should."
And maybe, quietly, you've wondered: Is something wrong with me? Is something wrong with us? Are we just broken?
This episode is for the husband or wife who feels discouraged, different, or alone in this area of marriage.
Let this be an encouragement that intimacy is more than what we often make it out to be.
It is about unity. Tenderness. Connection. Loving your spouse well in the ways you are able.
If you feel unseen or forgotten by God in this area, this is a reminder that God sees you.
You are not forgotten. You are not beyond hope. And you are not strange or weird for wanting help in this area.
This may be a real suffering in your marriage—but suffering is not proof that God has abandoned you.
He can use even this tender, painful place to grow humility, love, compassion, and deeper unity.
God bless you!
Love, The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call. Get some insight into the health of your marriage and what the right next step is for you.
PPS - For more information on the accessories mentioned in today's episode, please visit our website.
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "The biggest marital struggle that I was feeling was a lack of connection within physical intimacy. There was also a lack of trust and feeling safe to genuinely be ourselves in different areas. It was hard to communicate without the other person taking offense, switching the subject or shifting the focus, etc. and it just made it hard to grow in a lot of areas...[Because of DYM], I've been able to truly shift my priorities to just focus on myself in the terms of how can I love my wife the way that God intended me to...[Intimacy has] been happening so much more than in the past, but more importantly, it's been meaningful, fulfilling, and it's being enjoyed without fear of strings being attached or tension from expectations..."
Can we give you an encouragement today?
Just because your marriage has felt cold… Disconnected… Tense… Or emotionally distant for years…
Does not mean that's how it has to stay.
In today's episode, a wife recently shared that for years, her husband told her he didn't feel respected — and honestly? She truly didn't understand what he meant.
Not because she didn't love him. Not because she was trying to hurt him. But because no one had ever taught her what respect actually looks like to a husband.
And over time, little hurts built up. Distance built up. Frustration built up.
She described herself as becoming colder toward affection — even non-sexual touch felt difficult.
But instead of staying stuck, she decided to ask God to change her. She humbled herself and leaned in.
And slowly, things changed.
Her husband began saying things like: "I finally feel respected." "I finally feel seen." "I finally feel like you get it."
Yes, that's possible.
When we begin loving our spouse the way God designed them to receive love, something softens. Peace enters places that used to feel tense. Hope returns.
If you know something in your marriage needs a revamp… If you're tired of repeating the same painful patterns… If you long for emotional, spiritual, and physical connection again…
We would love to walk alongside you.
Love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes created with AI assistance)
PS - Do you have an area in your marriage that is ready for a revamp? Schedule a free Clarity Call and bring back the joy and connection in your marriage: https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "I absolutely love how biblically and psychologically grounded and how thorough this program is. It is the best marriage discipleship program I've ever done and I so appreciate the time, love and thought that Belah and her team have put into DYM...I've been able to experience more joy, I'm a lot more relaxed, and I'm able to be an encouragement to others. I have a happier home as well and feel a lot more supported in my walk with God."
All Your "Godly" Accomplishments Are Nothing?
What if you could "win" in every area of life… and still lose the things that matter most?
Because according to Jesus, success isn't measured by productivity, influence, money, ministry titles, or getting more done than everyone else.
It's measured by love.
"Love is patient and kind…" (1 Corinthians 13)
That means our marriages matter.
Our tone matters.
The atmosphere in our home matters.
The way we treat our spouse and children matters.
This episode is for driven husbands (and honestly, anyone with a high-achieving personality) who may be unintentionally sacrificing tenderness, emotional safety, and connection on the altar of accomplishment.
You do not have to keep living rushed, impatient, emotionally disconnected, or spiritually distracted.
Jesus can teach you another way.
A slower way. A gentler way. A truly strong way.
And it may be the very thing your marriage and family are longing for most.
God bless you, Belah (Used AI to draft shownotes from Belah's show.) PS - Don't wait. Take the next step. Schedule a free Clarity Call and start your journey to a healed marriage.
PPS - What is your Marital Health score? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to find out.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: I came into the program scoring very low in our marital health. I was very discouraged... This was leading me to moments of intense anguish, embarrassment, anger and a quiet desperation.
Joining DYM has given me space to process how we got to this place in our marriage. I have a lot of insight into how we got to where we were...I have hope where I didn't have hope. We are now a 7 or so in our marital health. I feel much less embarrassed, and far more content in our marriage than I did when we began.
From Tolerating to Delighting: Marriage Transformation Is Possible (feat. Gary Thomas & Belah Rose) Imagine this: Your husband is working nights and you are cleaning houses during the day. When you find out you are pregnant, you pursue a dream of writing a book. Every morning you walk to the coffee shop just down the street to write. One of your favorite things to do is listen to books about marriage. One of your favorite books on the topic is written by Gary Thomas. In his book, Sacred Marriage, he asks, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy instead of happy?" Now, fast forward just a few years. You are having a conversation with that author, and he tells you he is a fan of your work. Fast forward a couple more years, and you get to be mentored by this same author. Eventually, it becomes evident that he and I can help more couples by joining forces and creating a collaboration where he shares his wisdom through books and speaking, and you are able to provide coaching and accountability for people after they read the books or attend the conferences. That is the story I am sharing with you today as I announce a collaboration with Gary Thomas, bestselling author and speaker. In this episode, we share how God truly has a plan for your marriage. He is the one who changes lives, and we have been able to see that in both of our work. I want to encourage you that God can take your loaves and fishes and do something amazing. He can take your willingness. He can take your bit of faith, and He can make a marvelous tapestry for His glory. Just yesterday, we had two amazing graduations. Both individuals were changed themselves. And their spouse changed in response, though their spouses did not do the work. That can be your story, too. We would love to witness God perform that miracle through biblical principles made practical on the inside. Listen to today's podcast to understand Gary's heart and mine regarding the work we do, and now do together. Thank you, Gary, for the honor! And thank you, listener, for your love, support, and prayers. I am honored to be able to serve in this way and am trusting God for more healed hearts. God bless you, Belah PS - Marriage Transformation is real. Schedule a free Clarity Call and start your journey to a playful, peaceful, purposeful marriage.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: My wife and I struggled to get along...We were so intimately disconnected that it led to months of no sexual intimacy...it was so painful. We constantly fought about any and everything...I had gone into various counseling programs, spiritual formations, soul care, discipleship...But nothing was really changing our relationship... [Now,] God is answering my prayers and faith is becoming a reality. She is opening up, sharing her thoughts and feeling safe and connected...She is trusting me again...[We] have been having sex again...I am in such a better place and praise God for leading me to Belah and DYM.
Here is an AI-generated summary of today's episode:
A New Christ-Centered Partnership for Marriage Transformation Gary Thomas and Belah Rose announce a meaningful new collaboration between Gary's marriage ministry work and Belah's ministry, Delight Your Marriage. Their shared desire is to help marriages be healed, strengthened, and transformed for the glory of God.
Belah Rose's Story: From Brokenness to Marriage Ministry Belah shares how her own painful first marriage, divorce, and season away from Jesus shaped her calling. After experiencing healing through Christ and through the love of her husband, Darrow, she became passionate about helping others avoid the pain she had walked through.
Her heart for Delight Your Marriage was born from the realization that marriage can either deeply wound or deeply heal—and that intimacy is often a powerful catalyst in that process.
Why One Spouse Can Still Make a Difference A major theme of the conversation is that transformation can begin with just one spouse doing the work.
Gary and Belah emphasize that this is not about blame or manipulation. Instead, it is about reclaiming God-given influence, loving your spouse as an act of obedience to Christ, and allowing God to change the atmosphere of the marriage.
Understanding How Men and Women Receive Love Differently Belah explains the Delight Your Marriage framework for helping spouses love each other well.
For wives, the focus is often helping them feel:
Safe Known Wholeheartedly cherished
For husbands, the focus is often helping them feel:
Respected Admired Wholeheartedly intimate
Gary affirms that while every person is unique, there are real patterns in how men and women often experience love, safety, respect, and intimacy.
Rebuilding Intimacy Without Pressure or Manipulation Gary and Belah address the pain of sexless, disconnected, or emotionally distant marriages. They explain that true intimacy is not about obligation or pressure, but mutual joy, desire, safety, and love.
Belah shares that many spouses come into the program wanting change in intimacy, but through the process, their motivation becomes deeper: loving their spouse well because they love God.
Real Stories of Marriages Being Restored Belah shares several powerful examples of transformation, including:
A couple who had gone 10 years without intimacy and experienced renewed connection after three months of doing the work.
A wife whose husband had been checked out through video games, but who became more engaged, responsible, and affectionate after she changed her approach.
A husband whose wife had been emotionally cold and distant, but who later began coming toward him with affection, conversation, and intimacy.
Hope for Marriages That Feel Dead and Buried Gary and Belah are honest that not every marriage has a guaranteed outcome, especially when divorce, abuse, abandonment, or unsafe dynamics are involved.
But they also emphasize that God can resurrect marriages that seem completely hopeless. Through Christ, practical tools, humility, and accountability, many couples have experienced healing they never thought possible.
What Happens on a Clarity Call Belah explains that the first step is a free Clarity Call. During the call, a trained advisor listens deeply to the person's story, prays for them, and helps identify what may be at the root of the marital struggle.
From there, some people are invited to a Program Discovery Call to discern whether coaching is the right next step.
Why Accountability Matters in Marriage Growth Gary explains that books, conferences, and resources can be helpful, but many people need someone to walk with them personally.
Belah shares that Delight Your Marriage offers coaching, structure, small-group support, prayer, and accountability so participants are not trying to change alone.
Help for Good Marriages That Want to Become Great The program is not only for marriages in crisis. Belah explains that even strong marriages can have hidden "leaks"—small areas where connection, intimacy, communication, or delight could become stronger.
Sometimes a marriage that seems good can become far better than either spouse knew was possible.
Support for Pastors, Missionaries, and Ministry Marriages Belah and Gary also discuss the importance of supporting pastors, missionaries, and ministry couples. Many leaders feel isolated in their marriage struggles, and Delight Your Marriage offers a private, Christ-centered place to receive help.
Belah shares that scholarships are available for some full-time ministers.
Special Invitation for Gary Thomas's Audience To celebrate the partnership, Belah shares a special offer for Gary Thomas's audience. Those who sign up and share that they were referred by Gary Thomas can receive $500 or more in savings if they sign up for a Clarity Call and coaching before May 15.
Final Encouragement: There Is Real Hope for Your Marriage Gary and Belah close with a message of hope. A painful marriage does not have to stay the same. A distant marriage can become connected again. A marriage that feels dead can be revived by the power of Jesus.
The invitation is simple: take the next step, begin with a Clarity Call, and discover what God may want to heal.
Do We Call What is Holy "Sin" (and What is Sin "Holy") When I was first a believer, I had a very strong view of what was right and what was wrong.
I had a sense that anything I was uncomfortable with was definitely wrong.
After a lot of of life…and sadly time away from Jesus…and God healing and redeeming my journey, I've come to realize that there are things I am uncomfortable with, but are not necessarily sin.
And there are things I am comfortable with that aren't sin necessarily.
--
Quote from a recent Coaching Program graduate:
The program is great! I love the focus on self-growth, personal responsibility and spiritual practices that unlock God's love in our heart and the heart of our spouse. God truly used this program to change my life...
I have a softened heart toward my wife now. I desire to love her the way God desires. I went from a miserable and sexless marriage to a wonderful and passionate sex-filled marriage!
--
Because you and I are not meant to be led by what's comfortable.
We are meant to be led by the word of God.
Today, I want to tackle some really important topics that will help, I think, clarify topics and themes that often trip Christians up.
And it makes people love each other less.
In your marriage. And your friendships. And your schools. And your workplace.
We want to be defining our life in our direction.
We do not want to be defining how we should behave and what we should do and what we should think simply because it's the opposite of what the world does.
We need to define ourselves by what God wants us to be doing.
So today, I'm hoping that when you listen, you will gain a level of freedom in your heart and thoughts that you maybe didn't have before listening.
Because God calls us to freedom.
In our relationships, in our thoughts, and in our hearts.
That's why he came to set us free.
And I want that for you.
Let's get into it.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Make the appointment today. Schedule a free Clarity Call (before Coaching prices increase!)
PPS - Here is a quote from another recent Coaching program graduate: My biggest marital struggle was resentment and poor communication. I was so unhappy. My husband is my best friend, and I didn't want to be around him or be intimate...[Now,] our communication is so much better.I learned to be vulnerable which showed him I trust him. In return he feels safe to be vulnerable with me.
Zero Intimacy for Almost a Decade, Husband & Wife Share Their Miracle Ten years of no physical intimacy.
That is where husband & wife, Jim & Willa, found themselves.
For 38 years of marriage, Willa described her husband as a "my way or the highway" kind of guy. And up until recently, Jim felt so frustrated and angry in his marriage that he wanted to leave.
They were sleeping in separate bedrooms, had busy lives, he left before she woke up just to avoid her most days.
Jim shared they literally hadn't touched in years.
--
Quote from a recent Coaching Program graduate:
"Week by week in this program, I've been taking an honest look at myself and owning the ways I've dropped the ball in our marriage. I've been working on making [my wife] feel safe, known, and cherished, and when things get tough, I've been fighting my old habit of pulling away by choosing to lean in instead.
I've been putting what I'm learning into practice—going from arguing almost every day to just a few times in the last six months, looking at my own heart first instead of blaming [my wife], and using the tools from MR so I'm not stuck feeling helpless when things aren't going well... I'm seeing real growth in how I love her and how we connect."
--
They did a marriage program. It was good information, but by the end, it didn't help.
Jim was at the end of his rope. He decided that he was ready to leave.
When Willa suggested Delight Your Marriage, he essentially said: "I'll try it, but if this doesn't work, that's the end."
What shocked him was the change that took place between the two of them week by week.
He had to be willing to feel silly and do something new. She had to be willing to slow down enough to focus on her highest priority human.
They both had to humble themselves, roll up their sleeves, and do the work.
And the Lord changed everything.
Now they're connecting, laughing, hugging, and yes, even intimacy. In just a couple of months, they're enjoying the best connection they've ever had in 38 years.
Maybe it's also been a decade for you of no physical intimacy. Maybe it's been even longer. Maybe you haven't laughed together in years. Maybe you don't even like being in the same room together. We want you to know that you are not alone, and God is still working. Take this with you: No one is too far gone for God. No marriage is irredeemable. And He can bring delight to your marriage.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!)
PPS - Here is a quote from another recent Coaching program graduate: "As I reflect back over this journey, I see how God has led me closer to Him. I have begun to understand what it means in Romans when Paul says; "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind….." Truly grasping the perspective that [my wife] is God's beautifully made daughter has changed everything for me. She is a blessing and a gift from the Lord….and my love for her today is so much greater than ever before... Thanks be to God for His abounding love. And thank you too Belah for your biblical passion, discernment, wisdom and courage to have this ministry."
You might be one who can work all day and feel great.
And maybe you struggle to take a vacation.
Maybe if you're really honest with yourself, you think productivity is next to godliness.
If you're like Brad and I -- that's us nodding our heads. We're just wired that way. That's not the end of the story...
But Brad had a mentor that wouldn't let go of him until he could see that drivenness is ruining his life.
Not the fact that he is driven (Brad didn't give that up), but the fact that he felt he wasn't enough unless he achieved X, Y, and Z.
Brad's marriage journey is pretty powerful and directly relates.
If Brad was more committed to his work than his wife -- she would feel betrayed. As many wives do who have this dynamic in their marriages.
Many out there sacrifice the possibility of peace and joy in their lives because they're too busy to notice the life Christ offers them.
God is sufficient.
God rested.
God delights in us -- you can delight in this world, and you can delight in those He intends for you to delight, your spouse and your children.
Let's abide in Him and learn from Brad as he shares these refreshing insights.
Find out more about Brad and his work with marriages in churches at gracemarriage.com
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!)
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family.
Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."
Today marks the day that God stooped so low to live a perfect life and die a gruesome sinner's death -- to save you. And save me.
Why?
Not because we were perfect.
Not because we could earn His love.
Who could earn that?
But because He decided we were worth it.
We aren't deserving of His sacrifice because we're so great -- it's because HE'S so great.
He's so good, kind, and gracious that He decided we were priceless to come and rescue.
And if you are priceless -- a prized treasure Jesus came to save...
Is your spouse?
If the answer is yes...
Are you treating your spouse like they are Jesus' prized treasure? Priceless in the eyes of the God of the Universe?
Do you believe they are?
In today's episode, I hope to remind you of how loved you are by the Lord.
And with that in mind, I hope you also remember how loved your spouse is.
May that encourage us to love each other better and with a fuller heart.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!)
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family.
Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."
Become the man your wife respects and desires again—before prices increase Book your Clarity Call now
I'm speaking to a man who wants to fix things. He is not a whiner, complainer, or blamer. He's interested in taking responsibility and making things better. But if he's really honest with himself, sometimes he feels that his wife prioritizes the kids above him.
If you're in that category, I'd like to speak to you directly. You're right, it's not ok. This isn't a good dynamic. And if she's a Jesus-follower, it's also not biblical.
Ok.
Now that that's settled.
What do you do?
The thing you CAN control is yourself. You can update the lens by which you are evaluating the situation.
As a driven guy you know that if you do the same thing in business, you'll get the same results. But if you shift gears and do something else -- you'll see different results.
That's what I'm inviting you to do today. Shift gears. Try on a different set of lenses and see if God can change your marriage through you.
Let's go.
Here to see you win,
Belah
PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!): https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "I was living in a repeating cycle of expecting sex, not being fulfilled by it because of her lack of desire for me, being angry at her for not trying to connect with me in the relationship, holding it in for as long as possible, then trying to "fix it" by talking to her about it or lashing out at her..[Now,] The biggest celebration I have had would be my change in perspective…I have learned that as a husband and father it is up to me to set the tone in our family. I am now living in God's purpose and design and the pieces around me are falling into place. Realizing that it's not what happens around me but how I see it and react to it has been the biggest blessing from this course."
526-How to Get Her In the Mood (& Turn Her On) [Re-Release] I think all the wives will want their husbands to listen to this one.
Because I have the good fortune of working with men every (work) day and hearing their unfiltered thoughts about intimacy…
I can help you understand why your wife often rejects you.
One of the major truths is that it's SCARY to initiate sex with your wife.
So, you probably do…
But in general, it's a half-invested way, in hopes that her rejection won't feel so painful. Because from experience it has been rejected, even your best attempts.
Fast forward to today.
Now, because a husband's attempt at enticing his wife to make love is so "inadequate" for fear of rejection.
(Jfyi "inadequate" was the thesaurus's replacement for "lame" )
For this reason, the wife naturally would reject it.
But what if we took the fear out of this exchange entirely?
And your enticing her towards intimacy was filling for her and could even be successful!?
AND you're not full of fear.
Is that even possible?
I think with these insights, you will be well on your way.
to invite a wife–who is never in the mood–
to be in the mood!
[Original Release Date: October 8th, 2021]
PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching Program graduate: Before MR, miscommunication and emotional distance were our normal. We argued often, and a deep sense of distrust had taken root, largely because I had failed to make our marriage a true priority...The ongoing conflict left me carrying a constant weight of guilt while doing ministry on campus, knowing things at home were not going well...[After MR], I've come to realize that the problem began with me and was fueled by my own selfishness...Shifting from arguing nearly every day—or at least every other day—to having only a handful of disagreements in the past six months has brought a new sense of stability and peace to our home...I now feel equipped with the tools to continue moving our marriage forward.
[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description]
As silly as it may seem, something as sacred and biblical as marital intimacy comes right down to the practical of "hey, it's just too quiet in the house for intimacy". So, how do you solve for the biggest reasons a couple doesn't connect in this God-honoring way? Well, that's what today's conversation is all about. In this episode, we do a lot less philosophy and theology and get into the specific tools that can help you no matter how busy your life is right now. Even if other things you've looked into haven't given you something practical to do that is attainable. My goal by the end of this episode is for you to consider new things you can implement into your life that can tear down the blocks to intimacy in a practical way. Ultimately, at Delight Your Marriage want to help and make your spouse and marriage feel loved, playful, and even passionate together. To read an AI generated summary, click here. Belah
[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description] Sometimes I have been asked if I, as a woman, should be teaching men. When it comes up, I really appreciate that question because it shows a level of maturity and commitment to scripture.
The truth is, I never intended to be coaching or training men. That, in fact, is something I was against, at first. I intended to just follow Titus 2 by inviting women to learn to love their husbands well.
As I wrote the book and started the podcast and coaching women with this end in mind, men started reaching out to me. It was kind of uncomfortable at first.
I didn't know what to do with it. They were asking how they could get their wife to listen to my material. "I have no idea. That's on you." I wasn't cold-hearted, I just didn't think it was prudent.
Well, I was speaking to my husband, and he felt like it would be ok to speak to some of them via email or possibly a phone call, just so I could understand.
And when I did, I could tell "wow, now I see why she is rejecting". And not only that, I could see that she was really suffering too.
So with prayer and wise counsel and the blessing of my husband, I went for it and tried a pilot coaching program for men. Amazingly, every single man got amazing results (even though only 1 went through the course -- and she didn't know he did it!)
Glory to God. From there, we've tweaked and updated and, by God's grace, are at a place where God is doing miracle after miracle here.
Would love you to hear Aaron's story of the pursuit of God's way in his marriage. As a pastor, he likely had to grapple with this question -- is it ok to be trained by a woman in this topic? And he decided the answer should be yes. You're welcome to check out our convictions surrounding Women in Leadership, here. And the Lord worked in his heart and in his marriage -- even though only he did the work.
We are so excited to share his story with you!
Would love to work with you too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for next steps. To read an AI generated summary, click here.
Belah
[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description]
I have grown in my journey of processing pain. But I still slip up.
Today, I want to share with you a recent insight I've received on what I still need God's help to work through.
I hope we can walk together, looking at our Savior, first and foremost to discover His purposes for our suffering.
Your suffering matters.
It matters to God.
It matters in His will.
There is comfort in knowing He has a purpose for it.
I'd love to share what God is teaching me through His word and what I hope will be encouraging for you in your story.
Let us be open to being guided by His Word first and foremost. Let us see His correction as His kindness that leads us to repentence because He is so, so good.
To read an AI generated summary, click here.
Love & sincere prayers for you my precious listeners,
Belah
PS - Quote from a recent graduate:
After being celibate almost a decade, they are now intimate regularly and both are thrilled!
Wife: "Overall I'm crazy about the DYM system and process. It worked for us like nothing else did in our 38 years of marriage."
Husband: "I have learned that God is more important than sex. And sex isn't a reward for doing what I should be doing any way"
Mic drop. :)
Would love to invite you to be part of the journey! delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.
A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story There are transformations that happen fast—like a spark, a breakthrough, a moment where everything shifts.And then there are transformations that happen patiently, steadily, layer by layer… over years.
Dan's story is that second kind.
Because five years ago, Dan wasn't walking around thinking his marriage was "bad." He actually wrote on his intake form that their marriage was probably a six or seven—a good marriage. A steady marriage. A marriage with history and shared life and inside jokes.
But there was one ache that wouldn't let him rest:
Intimacy had disappeared.
And the pain of that—especially when you love your spouse, you're faithful, you're trying, you're confused, and you still can't "fix it"—can start to completely take up your mind.
And Dan could feel it happening.
So he did what so many people do when they're desperate: he went looking for answers.
"This lady knows my pain…" Dan had never been a podcast guy. But when the ache gets loud enough, you'll do things you've never done before.
He started listening to podcasts, searching for help, trying to understand. At one point, he even heard a podcaster say something like: Maybe you're not in the right marriage. Maybe you need someone new.
And something in him basically said: No. Not here. Not this.
Then he found the Delight Your Marriage podcast.
And at some point he realized: "This lady knows me. She knows my pain."
He listened to tons of episodes back-to-back. And for the first time, he didn't feel crazy. He didn't feel alone. He felt understood.
But understanding is only the beginning.
When pain starts shaping your identity Dan shared how consuming the pain became. He couldn't focus. He couldn't think about much else. He was constantly running conversations in his mind—replaying, analyzing, spiraling.
And this is what matters if you relate:
When intimacy is strained, it doesn't just affect your bedroom.It affects your heart.
Dan knew his wife loved him. They spent time together. Their life was connected. But intimacy was absent—and that absence created a deep wound.
The "last button" moment Dan told the story of how he finally joined the Coaching program.
He had passed on signing up a couple times. And then the third time, he went through the whole checkout process… and just didn't click the last button.
And he prayed something like: If God wants me to click that button, I'm going to click that button.
Then came one of those days—the kind of day you can't focus, can't breathe right, can't stop the frustration boiling under the surface.
So he clicked.
He even looked it up later: October 16th, 2020.
Sometimes obedience doesn't look "spiritual." Sometimes it looks like a trembling hand over a mouse, clicking a button you're scared to click.
But God uses that.
"I wasn't ready for success yet." Dan's growth wasn't immediate fireworks. It was slow. It was real. And honestly, it was holy.
He said something deeply mature: "I probably wasn't ready for a lot of success in the very beginning… I would have misused some of that success."
Do you hear the humility in that?
He realized that early on, even when he was doing "the right things," his heart motive was still off. He was still doing the work for what he could get.
And that's the turning point for so many people.
Because you can "apply principles" and still be self-centered.You can "try harder" and still be serving your own appetite.And God loves you too much to let that be the foundation.
Dan described the real shift like this: "I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for the Lord. And intimacy becomes a byproduct."
That is biblical alignment. That is maturity. That is worship.
The brotherhood you didn't know you needed Dan thought he'd try the graduate group for a only couple months… because he "didn't do well with whining."
Five years later, he's still there.
Why?
Because what surprised him most wasn't the content—it was the brotherhood.
When men get into a room (yes, even a Zoom room), they size each other up. But in this space, men began becoming honest, vulnerable, accountable, and deeply connected.
Dan shared: "Once you get through some of the things we deal with… there's not a whole lot left to keep secret."
That's not shame. That's freedom.
And there is something healing that happens when you're fully seen—and still loved.
He described men calling him out when frustration rose. It was painful at the time… but helpful, because those men knew what he truly wanted: to grow his marriage and grow with God.
This is what iron sharpening iron looks like in real life.
The tools that change daily life Dan mentioned a few practical pieces that became part of his transformation:
- Daily gratitudes
- Faith statements
- Learning "known, safe, wholeheartedly cherished"
These were just a few of the tools he learned through the Coaching program that radically changed his day-to-day, and in turn, his marriage.
For example, Dan admitted he was giving his wife what worked for him—respect, admiration, sexual intimacy—but he didn't understand what many wives are longing for at the deepest level:
To feel known.To feel safe.To feel wholeheartedly cherished.
He said, "I didn't know those things… and I'm not sure how I was supposed to know them."
And that's exactly why training matters—because most people were never taught how to love in a way that truly lands.
When your spouse comes on board in their own way Another beautiful part of Dan's story is that his wife eventually did DYM Academy, an in-person training that we offer for churches and small groups, and he described a shift that he couldn't even fully explain at first:
"Our marriage is different. I feel different. Something's different."
Sometimes a spouse is hesitant because they've been hurt, wary, guarded, suspicious, exhausted… or because they simply don't want to hope again.
But God is patient.
And in Dan's story, God wasn't just transforming Dan—God was also orchestrating timing, humility, readiness, and trust.
If you're hurting… jump in. Near the end, Dan said something that deserves to be repeated:
If you're listening and you're in pain…If you're angry, confused, resentful, scared…If you keep thinking, I'll just listen to podcasts and figure it out…
Dan's encouragement was simple:
Jump in.
Because you don't have to carry this alone.
There are things you don't know yet.There are patterns you can't see yet.There is healing you can't manufacture by willpower.
And there is a community of people—staff and volunteers—who truly can't wait to see your smile come back as your heart changes and your marriage begins to shift.
Dan even said it plainly: "The harder you work, the faster it'll happen. I'm a testament to that."
If a Clarity Call feels scary… Dan admitted he was too scared to do one at first.
But he also shared something important:
Once you talk to someone safe, kind, and grounded, the fear starts to lose its grip.
If anxiety is the barrier, hear this:
You don't need perfect words.You don't need a polished story.You don't need to know what you "should" do next.
You just need to take the next step.
Final Thoughts If you are reading or listening and have thought about making a Clarity Call, but were simply too afraid… you can do it. There are Clarity Advisors (Melanie, Charles, and Dana) who are ready to hear your story.
Your spouse is waiting for you to make that call.
Your children are waiting for you to make that call.
Your family is waiting for you to make that call.
And you are waiting on yourself to make that call.
You can do it.
Start the process.
And see what is on the other side.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step in transforming your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent DYM Academy graduate: "Porn was stealing the attention and arousal that my wife deserved. Her beautiful body was being replaced with a screen. I knew I was addicted to porn when I began to prefer watching porn to having sex in real life. I began to even question why I ever got married...I knew I did not want this to continue this pattern for my life. So on week 6 of this course, I reached out to a few of the men in the course to be my accountability brothers. I made the commitment to stop looking at porn for good. I'm 1.5 months into this journey and I promise never to go back!...[Now,] we are fully enjoying each other the way God intended. Images of other women are no longer clouding my head, and I feel connected to her in a way that feels deeper and deeper each time we're together intimately. I love her so much, and I miss her already as I'm writing this testimony in the other room."
Truths Inspiring Me About Confidence and Character — A Conversation with My Son Sometimes the most convicting spiritual lessons don't come from a sermon. They come from hearing a child say something honest— something simple— and realizing God is speaking through it.
And as you listen to this conversation about habits, confidence, and walking with Jesus, you may feel that gentle nudge to return to what's true.
Lean into that.
Because your habits are always taking you somewhere. And the small choices you make today shape who you become tomorrow.
You Don't Drift Into Confidence You might think confidence is a personality trait. Something you either have or you don't.
But confidence is rarely about personality. It's about formation.
It's about what you repeatedly do.
When you build habits that align with truth — reading Scripture, practicing gratitude, caring for your body, choosing honesty — something steady begins forming inside of you.
Not hype. Not ego. Not loud self-assertion.
But quiet strength.
And the opposite is also true.
When you repeatedly avoid truth, bend honesty, indulge jealousy, or neglect your health, that forms something too. And eventually, that formation becomes your character.
You don't wake up one day confident or insecure by accident.
You drift there — one habit at a time.
What You Feed Your Mind Shapes Your Identity If you only occasionally open your Bible, what fills the gap?
Your worries. Your spouse's tone. Your insecurities. The voice in your head that says you're not enough.
But when you consistently feed your mind the truth of Scripture, something changes. You begin to live from being cared for.
Not striving for approval. Not grasping for validation. But anchored in being loved.
You cannot feel confident if you don't believe you are deeply cared for.
And that belief doesn't grow accidentally.
It grows through repetition.
Gratitude Rewires Your Perspective If you only focus on what you don't have, you will start to believe you have nothing.
You will compare. You will resent. You will feel behind.
And even when you do get what you wanted, it won't satisfy you — because comparison has already shaped your lens.
But when you practice gratitude — intentionally naming what is good — you retrain your heart to see abundance.
You begin to notice:
God has been kind. God has provided. God has not left you alone.
Gratitude doesn't ignore pain. It simply refuses to let pain define the whole story.
And that builds stability. That builds joy. That builds confidence rooted in truth rather than circumstance.
Your Body Matters More Than You Think You are not "just a soul." You are embodied.
Jesus didn't come as a concept. He came in flesh.
Your body is not accidental. It is not disposable. Scripture calls it a temple of the Holy Spirit.
When you neglect your body — through constant exhaustion, poor nourishment, or silent self-criticism — you aren't just affecting your health. You are shaping how you see yourself.
And when you care for your body — even in small ways — you are saying:
"This matters. God's creation matters."
Confidence grows when you respect what God has given you.
Not in pride. But in stewardship.
The Habit That Quietly Undermines Everything Let's talk about honesty.
You may not consider yourself a liar. But do you exaggerate to seem more impressive? Withhold truth to avoid discomfort? Bend the story to protect your image?
Lies feel small in the moment.
But every time you tell one, something inside you weakens.
Because you know the truth.
Even if no one else does — you do.
And when you repeatedly override your own integrity, you slowly erode your own confidence.
You cannot feel strong while betraying yourself.
Real confidence is inseparable from integrity.
And integrity requires courage — especially when no one is watching.
God Delights in Integrity Zephaniah says something stunning:
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." -Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
But just before that, it speaks of a people who refuse deceit, who walk humbly, who seek the Lord. "Yes, I will punish those who participate in pagan worship ceremonies, and those who fill their masters' houses with violence and deceit." -Zephaniah 1:9 NLT
God delights in truth. God delights in humility. God delights in integrity.
Not because He is demanding perfection — but because integrity aligns you with how you were created to live.
When you choose honesty. When you confess sin. When you turn from a habit that weakens you — even if you fail again tomorrow — you are stepping toward freedom.
You are stepping toward formation.
And God delights in that movement.
You Are Not Stuck If you're listening and thinking:
"I have bad habits." "I've let things slide." "I don't like who I've been becoming."
Hear this clearly:
You are not stuck.
Habits can be unlearned. Patterns can be interrupted. Integrity can be rebuilt.
Start small.
Choose one habit. One verse. One act of gratitude. One moment of honesty.
Repeat it.
Push through the discomfort.
Because the first time you choose differently, it will feel awkward.
The fifth time, it will feel possible.
The fiftieth time, it will feel like you.
The Person You're Becoming You are always becoming someone.
Not someday. Today.
Your habits are forming the atmosphere of your home. Your habits are shaping your marriage. Your habits are influencing how your children see faith. Your habits are determining how you see yourself.
So lean into that gentle nudge.
Not with shame. But with resolve.
You don't need dramatic reinvention.
You need daily alignment.
And when you choose small, faithful obedience — again and again — you will wake up one day and realize:
You didn't just build better habits. You built stronger character. And from that character, real confidence grew.
And that kind of confidence?
It cannot be shaken.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you want help building up these better habits, in your personal life or your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if we are the right fit for you. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Delighted Wife graduate: "Biggest struggles coming into the program were my responses to my husband (detached, uncertain, hurt, even bitter). Everything felt like gloom and doom and I didn't really know what to say or do...[Now,] Forgiveness was huge! Freed me from weight that was killing me slowly. Gratitudes play a vital role in renewing my mind and showed me that there's always something to be thankful for - even in the storm…DYM has helped me with a hard reset in my mind and heart."
The Deep Theology of Sexual Unity (With Some Fun!): Interview with Randy and Rozanne Frazee Many of us were handed a shallow theology of sex — one that quietly divided the spiritual from the physical.
But what if intimacy was never meant to be separate from your spiritual formation?
What if marriage — even your sex life — is woven into the very story of God Himself?
What if sex wasn't just God-permitted — but God-designed?
And what if your marriage is part of a much bigger story than managing stress, navigating differences, or even improving your sex life?
Because here's the truth: When you start seeing your marriage through God's storyline instead of just your stress and circumstances, something shifts.
Not overnight. Not magically. But deeply. Steadily. For real.
When you start seeing your marriage through God's storyline instead of just your stress and circumstances, something shifts. Not overnight. Not magically. But deeply. Steadily. For real.
And that's exactly what Randy and Rozanne Frazee unpacked in today's episode.
In this episode, you're getting a conversation that is both wildly profound and surprisingly fun. Because yes—you can talk about theology, the Trinity, the image of God, and sexual unity… and still laugh.
And that's exactly what happens when you sit down with Randy and Rozanne. They've spent decades helping believers understand the Bible not as scattered verses—but as one cohesive story of God's love and pursuit. Randy has been a pastor for 38 years and had a personal mentoring relationship with Dallas Willard—so much so that Dallas asked him to rewrite Renovation of the Heart for students.
And Randy and Rozanne are not just brilliant—they're the real deal. High school sweethearts, married 44 years (going on 45), four kids, and now five grandbabies in the mix.
What makes this episode so special is this:
They don't just talk about the Bible.
They talk about how the Bible transforms marriage, unity, and yes… even your sex life.
You Keep Reading the Bible Like a Reference Book… But It's Actually a Love Story You've probably been taught to read the Bible in pieces:
- a Proverb for wisdom
- a Psalm for comfort
- a verse for anxiety
- a passage when your marriage is hard
And those are good.
But if you only ever grab the Bible for a quick fix, you can miss the whole point: it's one grand love story—from Genesis to Revelation—about the lengths God will go to get you back.
When you start seeing Scripture as one unfolding narrative, you stop reading it like a scattered collection of morals… and you start hearing it like a steady message: God is pursuing you. God is restoring you. God is rewriting what sin tried to destroy.
And yes—this includes your marriage.
You're Not Just Living a Life… You're Living a Story You live in what Randy and Rozanne call the "lower story":
Lunches. Laundry. Bills. Hormones. Conversations you're avoiding. Tension you can't name. The ache of feeling alone, even though you're married.
And it's real.
But there's also an "upper story" happening at the same time: God's bigger plan, God's spiritual reality, God's redemptive work that you can't always see while you're in the middle of the mess.
You see it clearly in Scripture:
- Job experiences devastating loss in his lower story… while an unseen spiritual battle is happening in the upper story.
- Joseph is betrayed, enslaved, and forgotten in his lower story… but God is positioning him in the upper story to preserve His people.
That's why Joseph can say, "What you meant for evil, God meant for good."
It doesn't mean the lower story didn't hurt.
It means the pain wasn't the point.
So ask yourself: What if the hard thing you're living through right now isn't proof you're failing… but proof God is working?
God Created Marriage to Reflect His Image—and Sin Has Been Trying to Ruin It Ever Since You've heard the phrase "two become one."
But you might not realize how sacred that actually is.
Marriage wasn't just meant to be companionship. It was meant to reflect something divine: unity, love, covenant, oneness.
In the beginning, God says, "It is not good for man to be alone." And you can read that like, "Aw, God wanted Adam to have a friend."
But it's deeper.
God Himself is relationship—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Not isolated. Not independent. Not self-focused. Unity.
So when God creates marriage, He's not just giving Adam a partner.
He's giving humanity a living picture of His image.
And that's why the enemy attacks it so relentlessly.
Because if your marriage reflects God's love, covenant, and unity… it becomes a threat to darkness.
You Can Know Scripture… and Still Not Live It One of the most powerful themes Randy and Rozanne address is something you've probably seen too:
You've met people who know the Bible. They can quote verses. They can correct theology. They can debate Greek words.
And yet…
They aren't gentle. They aren't kind. They aren't tender.
And you're left thinking: How can someone love God's Word and still not look like Jesus?
Randy explains this through something he learned from Dallas.
He describes the difference between:
- believing something is the "right answer"
- versus believing it as a "way of life"
And this matters for your marriage, because it's the difference between:
- knowing what love is supposed to look like
- and actually becoming the kind of person who naturally loves well
The "12-Inch Journey" That Changes Everything Randy talks about the journey from:
Head knowledge → Heart transformation
And he explains it in a way that lands:
When Jesus says, "Turn the other cheek," He isn't just commanding you to grit your teeth and try harder.
He's describing what becomes natural when your heart has been reshaped.
And that is what every marriage needs.
Not just more information, but more transformation.
Sexual Unity Isn't Just Physical… It's Theological If you've ever wondered why marriage feels so sacred—and so fiercely contested—this is why.
Lean in, because this is where things get breathtaking.
Randy explains the concept that:
God is three Persons (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) who share one Being
And marriage—two becoming one—is meant to reflect that kind of unity.
Not perfectly.
Not as God.
But as an earthly image.
And Rozanne brings it back to the practical: Sexual intimacy bonds you in a way nothing else does.
It is not "just physical."
It is a sacred expression of covenant oneness.
And when you treat your spouse like an "other" instead of part of your own being…
You start wounding your marriage from the inside.
You Don't Need Your Husband to Be a Seminary Graduate to Be a Spiritual Leader If you're a wife reading this, you may be carrying a burden you were never meant to carry:
"I'm the one who prays."
"I'm the one who gets us to church."
"I'm the one trying to get him to lead."
"I'm exhausted."
And if you're a husband reading this, you may feel stuck too:
"She knows more than I do."
"I don't even know where to start."
"I work hard, but I still feel like I'm failing."
Here's something freeing: Spiritual leadership isn't about being the most impressive. It's about being the one who initiates.
The leader is the starter.
The one who creates space where spiritual thriving can happen.
That might look like:
"Hey, let's read something together for 15 minutes."
"Let's pray before dinner."
"We're going to church as a family."
"I want God in our home, and I want to learn."
That's leadership.
And yes—your wife might know more Scripture right now. But what she's been longing for isn't your performance.
It's your presence.
Your courage.
Your initiation.
If You Want Him to Rise, Stop Coaching His Weakness and Start Naming His Strength This is where it gets tender.
Because if you're honest, you've probably tried to motivate him with disappointment.
You've tried to push him into leadership by pointing out everything he's not doing.
You want to feel safe. You want to feel supported. You want to be led.
But here's something you need to understand about men: Men move toward competency, not incompetency.
If you highlight his failure, he retreats.
If you honor his effort, he leans in.
So if he makes even a small move—don't critique it.
Celebrate it.
If he picks up a Bible, don't correct how he reads it. If he prays, don't edit his words afterward. If he initiates church, don't mention that it's "about time."
Instead, try this:
"Thank you. That meant a lot."
"I feel cared for when you do that."
"I'm grateful you're leading our family."
This isn't fake flattery.
It's faith.
It's calling out the man you want him to become—while giving him a reason to keep going.
Your Intimacy Will Not Heal If You Keep Avoiding the Scariest Conversations One of the enemy's favorite strategies is fear—specifically fear that keeps you from talking honestly about intimacy.
You live with this person. You share a bed. You share a home.
So why does it feel terrifying to say what you want? What you need? What hurts? What you're longing for?
Because intimacy is powerful.
And the enemy knows if he can keep you silent, he can keep you disconnected.
But if you can learn to speak with tenderness, honesty, and safety…
You can rebuild something beautiful.
And here's the truth: Sex isn't dirty. It's sacred.
It's a physical expression of covenant oneness.
And when joy rises in your relationship, romance often rises too.
Not because you force it.
But because safety creates desire.
And desire grows where connection is nurtured.
You Don't Need Two Hours a Day. You Need One Small Step of Obedience. You might be thinking, "Okay… but I'm tired. Our life is chaotic. Where do we even begin?"
Begin small.
Set a timer.
Fifteen minutes.
That's it.
Obedience comes before blessing.
And when you take one small step toward God together, it does something inside you. It starts moving belief from your head to your heart—where real transformation happens.
Little by little, fruit grows.
And fruit isn't for the tree.
Fruit is for the person who tastes it.
Which means: your spiritual growth is meant to bless your spouse.
Your Next Step: See the Bible as One Story (Not a Scavenger Hunt) Randy and Rozanne recently released a book called Encountering God's Love: From Genesis to Revelation.
And their heart behind it is simple: Most believers don't struggle because they don't love God. They struggle because they don't understand the storyline.
They know verses… but not the narrative.
So this book is designed as 52 weeks of bite-sized pieces, walking you through Scripture chronologically, helping you see:
- God's story
- your story
- and how your marriage fits into redemption
And yes—this is something you can do as a couple.
Even if you're exhausted.
Even if you're busy.
Even if you feel behind.
Final Encouragement Your marriage isn't just a relationship you manage. It's a covenant you steward.
And if you've been living like the lower story is all there is—God is inviting you to look up.
He's writing something.
Even here.
Even now.
Even in your marriage.
So take a breath.
Ask Him what He's doing in the upper story.
And take the next step.
Because your story isn't over.
And God is very, very good at bringing dead things back to life.
Including you.
Including your spouse.
Including your intimacy.
Including your marriage.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Want to check out Encountering God's Love for yourself? Click here to visit Randy's website and learn more.
PPS - Are you ready to take the next step in transforming your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Book a free Clarity Call to speak with one of our Clarity Advisors and see if we are the right fit for you.
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "The atmosphere in our home was very toxic with lots of hollering and hurtful things said. There was no fun or joy. We were just existing. This affected my thought life as I was very disappointed in myself and felt like I was a hypocrite as I am a leader in our local church and lots of people look up to me. I felt like God was even disappointed in me. I felt shame for not being a good wife...[Now,] I have become more aware of my actions and reactions to my husband, and realized I have the power, with God's help, to make our marriage good and to love my husband well. The tools I have learned in DW will forever be in and on my mind as I focus on becoming the wife God desires me to be. I have learned that sex is good and holy and also meant to be pleasurable for me! The atmosphere in our home is changing and playfulness is back!"
Have Compassion on Your Husband's Desire This is a tender topic.
And for some of you, even reading this headline might make your chest tighten.
Because desire can feel complicated.
Painful.
Loaded.
Or honestly… just exhausting.
And yet, this conversation matters—not to shame you, not to pressure you, but to invite you into compassion.
Not obligation. Not fear. Not duty-driven compliance.
Compassion rooted in God's design for marriage.
The Enemy Thrives on Distraction One of the enemy's most effective strategies in marriage is not always obvious sin.
It's distraction.
Distance. Avoidance. Silence.
When sexual intimacy is broken in a marriage—when it's infrequent, half-hearted, or consistently avoided—it quietly becomes a distraction for both spouses.
Especially your husband.
Not because he's weak. Not because he's demanding. But because sexual intimacy is not a small issue in his life—it is deeply connected to how God designed him.
When that connection is missing, it costs him far more than you may realize.
Your Husband's Desire Is Not Separate From Who He Is Your husband's sexual desire is not something he can simply turn off.
It is woven into his physical design, his emotional wiring, and his sense of being wanted and chosen.
When that desire is consistently rejected, it creates real pain—often silent pain.
Pain that takes up mental space, affects focus, and drains confidence and steadiness.
Just as hunger dominates attention when the body is not nourished, deprivation in intimacy dominates attention when a husband does not know if—or when—connection will happen again.
God Did Not Design Sex to Be Optional in Marriage Scripture is clear.
"Do not deprive each other." (1 Corinthians 7:5)
This is not a suggestion. It is not conditional on feelings. It is not shaped by cultural norms.
God designed sexual intimacy to be part of the covenant of marriage—for unity, protection, and connection.
This does not mean ignoring trauma. This does not mean tolerating coercion or manipulation. This does not mean silencing wisdom or boundaries.
But it does mean that long-term deprivation is outside God's design—and He does not give commands without also offering grace and a path toward healing.
If Intimacy Feels Difficult, There Is a Reason If moving toward intimacy feels heavy, forced, or emotionally overwhelming, there is almost always something beneath the surface.
Shame about your body. Fear of being used. Past sexual pain or trauma. Resentment that has not healed. Pressure that replaced joy. Messages that taught you sex was dangerous, dirty, or merely a duty.
These blocks are real and they deserve attention.
But they do not get the final word.
God is not asking you to ignore your story—He is inviting you to bring it into the light where healing is possible.
Intimacy Was Designed to Be Good God designed marital intimacy to be:
- Naked and unashamed
- Enjoyed, not endured
- Protective, not destructive
- A celebration of union
Scripture celebrates this openly, without embarrassment.
Your husband was designed to enjoy the female form, and God gave him exactly one holy place to do that: within marriage.
When that place becomes closed off, the cost is deeper than most couples realize.
Start Before You Feel Ready Waiting until everything feels healed often means waiting indefinitely.
Freedom usually follows obedience—not the other way around.
Consistency matters more than perfection. Even choosing regular, predictable intimacy—without everything feeling "fixed"—can begin to rebuild safety, quiet anxiety, and soften resistance.
When intimacy is rare, it becomes a mountain. When it is steady, it becomes normal. When it is generous, it becomes life-giving.
Your Marriage Was Meant to Be Missional Marriage was never designed to exist only for comfort.
It was designed to strengthen both spouses for the work God has called them to do.
Healthy intimacy does not distract from God's purposes—it supports them.
But when intimacy is withheld, it often becomes the very distraction Scripture warns against.
Your compassion has power.
It can steady your husband. It can protect your marriage. It can remove a burden he may be carrying quietly.
Final Encouragement If this stirred something in you—conviction, grief, resistance, or even hope—don't rush past it.
That stirring matters.
God does not expose something in your heart to shame you. He does it to heal you.
You are not being asked to become someone else overnight. You are being invited to take one faithful step—today—toward compassion, obedience, and freedom.
There is grace for the journey. There is wisdom for the next step. And there is hope—more than you may be able to see right now.
You are not alone. And God is not finished here.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you want help walking through this with wisdom and care, we would love to come alongside you. Book a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I was irritable and depressed all the time. I kept thinking something was wrong with me because I couldn't stop wanting sex. I knew my wife hated it and thought if I was a better man I could stop wanting it and live without it...[I learned] that God designed me to want sex and I was not made wrong. I also learned I am not alone. Many men have struggled like I have and have wives like mine. The biggest celebrations I can remember are her coming to me! To cuddle, to sit with me, to want to be with me, to take me out. She told our daughters to move because she wanted to sit by me during movie night. She has taken steps towards intimacy with me on her own without me pressuring her."
Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations Gentlemen, you have likely heard that you are meant to be the leader of your home. You've likely heard it from the pulpit, maybe from your own family.
So what happens when your wife feels distant?
Maybe the invitation isn't to push her to follow — but to lead in such a way that her heart feels safe coming back to you, drawing her back with tenderness, compassion, and safety.
In this episode, we are diving into why women often feel the need to control and how you as a husband can help shift the culture of your home, draw her back, and have the marriage you've always wanted–with a wife that trusts you, supports you, and is cheering you on.
A Tale of Two Marriages If you have been around Delight Your Marriage a while, you might know part of the back story–married very young, determined to be a submissive wife, did everything a good Christian woman is supposed to do.
And yet there was discord. There was quarreling. There was strife. There was even competition. There was a feeling of never being good enough, let alone cherished.
There ended up being a filing for divorce (something to plead the blood of Jesus over) and walking away from God for a period of time. The hurt was severe. Everything had been done right, how did it go so wrong?
Then came meeting Darrow. Even in dating, it was so different than anything before. After years of feeling uneasy, uncared for, and on edge– there was finally safety.
Yes, physical safety, but also emotional safety. Safe to share and not be ridiculed. Safe to express emotion and it be received with steadiness, patience, and kindness. Safe to be fully open and not be mocked or shamed.
That tenderness and kindness brought safety. And that safety led to trust.
How to Lead a Leader As marriage went on, certain things arose. He wasn't taking as much initiative as before. He wouldn't get things done that needed to get done. He wasn't leading.
But this time it was different. There was a realization: He actually didn't have permission to lead. It had not fully been given to him. There was still control, and that made him feel angry and apathetic, like "Why even try?"
So, the response changed. No more steering the ship. No more hands on the reins. He is the leader. And now, there is so much more happiness and rest.
But it was only because he had shown his character–that he is a trustworthy person, that he is safe–that there was even confidence to be able to allow him to lead.
That confidence was not there in the first marriage. There was no safety. There was fear and unrest, and so control was the answer.
Think of an animal that feels scared–is the best way to get them to follow you to continue being tough and assertive? Or is it to show that you are gentle and they will be safe with you?
So, What Needs To Happen First To Draw Your Wife Back? So then, what draws your wife back? It looks something like this:
Establish Safety She must be emotionally, spiritually, and physically safe. She is safe to open up. She is safe to express. She knows she is going to be accepted fully as she is.
What if you can't accept her fully as she is? What if you are waiting for her to change and then, you can fully love her? If that is where you're at, consider what Christ did for you.
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:6-8 (NIV)
Christ did not wait for us to be perfect in order to love us. And if you, men, are called to love your wives as Christ loved the church, it means loving her always, no matter the circumstance.
Love her regardless and establish that safety.
Grow in your relationship with Christ. Truly exemplify the fruit of the Spirit (remember patience :)).
Slowly Reestablish Jesus-Like Leadership In all things, lead from love. If you have great leadership, but have not love, it is "but a clanging cymbal" (1 Cor. 13:1)
For more insight on drawing your wife back, take a listen to today's podcast.
A Final Encouragement Dear men, we want you to take up the mantle of leadership. In your workplaces, in your churches, in your families.
But your wife needs safety first. She needs to know that she can trust you.
Just like that gentle animal we spoke about before–will yelling and pressuring build safety and trust? No.
Ask the Lord to show you in what you have built trust in the past. Then, ask Him to show you how you have broken trust. Finally, ask Him how you can rebuild trust again and create a culture of safety. It is worth it, dear gentleman. The time and effort are worth it.
If we can help in a more specific way, speaking more directly to your personal marriage, we would love to do so through our Coaching programs.
We are rooting for you, gentleman!
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're ready to get more personalized coaching that will bring life and safety back into your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors (who have been in your shoes) and discover what next steps look like for you.
PPS - Here's a quote from a recent graduate: "Through the DYM program my marriage went from a hopeless pit of despair to a God-honoring home of safety and love."
It is our honor and privilege to have Charles on the podcast with us today.
Many of you have maybe already spoken to Charles. He serves as one of our Clarity Advisors here at Delight Your Marriage and has done an incredible job of listening to your stories and giving you next steps, but most importantly, giving you hope.
What you might not know about Charles is that he spent many years as a very successful businessman. I mean, he was (and is!) a force!
And that's what people saw on the outside: 40 years in business, two homes, active in ministry, a wife of 3o years, two grown children.
Everything looked perfect.
But it wasn't the full picture.
"On Paper, We Had Everything… But We Were Just Roommates" The full picture was that Charles was in pain.
His marriage was suffering. He felt like they had become roommates and the intimacy and connection wasn't there. His daughter, after watching her parents fight yet again, brought up to him that "all you and mom do is fight". She didn't feel safe and their relationship was strained, so much so that she even mentioned she would prefer he not be the one to solely walk her down the aisle when the day came.
There was pain, true pain.
That moment with his daughter became a turning point.
He cried out to God. And God answered.
Finding the Delight Your Marriage Podcast Charles found the Delight Your Marriage podcast—and after only two episodes, he booked a Clarity Call and jumped in.
What followed wasn't easy.
It required humility. Repentance. Unlearning cultural "norms" that were never biblical to begin with.
But what he discovered was sobering and freeing all at once:
- Being a provider is not the same as being present
- Strength without gentleness hardens the heart
- Leadership without humility blocks intimacy—with your spouse and with God
And slowly—steadily—everything began to change.
When a Daughter Finally Feels Safe One of the most profound transformations wasn't just in Charles' marriage—it was in his relationship with his daughter.
Years earlier, she had told him, "Why can't you be like my friend's dad?"
Instead of defending himself, Charles did something radically different.
He listened.
He apologized and owned the pain he had caused. And he stayed emotionally present instead of shutting down, like he had done in the past.
That conversation marked the beginning of healing.
Fast forward to this past Christmas, two years after starting this program, his daughter handed him a card.
Inside, she wrote: "Every day you bless me so abundantly with peace and security of knowing you have me… I hope my future husband is even half of what you are to me."
That card became the most valuable gift Charles has ever received, and he saw, even more, how the changes he had made changed the trajectory of his family.
A Marriage Built on The Rock Charles often says something that shocks people: "I would give it all away for a shack on a rock if it meant having what we have now."
Why?
Because before, his marriage was built on cardboard and duct tape, as he says. Cultural assumptions, pride, and survival mode.
Now, it's built on the Rock.
Biblical wisdom. Daily repentance. Practical tools. Accountability. Peace.
Life Now as a Clarity Advisor Charles' story doesn't end with his own marriage.
Today, he serves as a Clarity Advisor, walking alongside other men and women who feel stuck, hopeless, or unsure where to begin.
He's seen:
- Wives move back into homes after separation
- Pornography addictions broken
- Years-long intimacy restored
- Homes transformed by peace
And now, pastors are bringing Delight Your Marriage Academy into their churches—because the need is everywhere, including globally.
Final Encouragement Now, two years later, Charles' marriage is completely transformed, his relationship with his daughter is completely transformed, and he, himself, is completely transformed.
God has truly turned mourning into dancing.
This is not a one-off event. This is the God we serve–who heals marriages and changes lives, who heals hearts and minds, who redeems families and generations.
He cares. He cares deeply about Charles and answered his cry. And He cares about you.
If you are waiting for an answer from God, maybe this is the answer. Maybe calling and taking that next step is the answer.
We are rooting for you and we love you.
God bless you!
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you want to take the next step and chat with our incredible Clarity Advisors, like Charles, schedule a free Clarity Call here. We would love to talk with you.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent DYM Academy graduate: "I thought this was well presented and very comprehensive. The clarity of what women need to be safe, known and wholeheartedly cherished was spot on. I understood the basics but seeing it formalized was really beneficial to me. The listening skills and the way they were presented cannot be overstated."
516-A Pastor with a "Prostitute" Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry's Story There's a quiet frustration many good men carry.
You've tried to talk. You've tried to suggest counseling, books, podcasts—something. You've even tried explaining your heart.
And still… she doesn't seem to listen. Doesn't engage. Doesn't change.
If that's you, let me say this gently but clearly:
God may be asking you to go first.
And yes—that can feel unfair.
But it is also where real transformation begins.
When You Find Yourself Becoming Someone You Didn't Want to Be One husband recently shared that after nearly three decades of marriage and years of faithful ministry, he found himself in a place he never expected.
Not because his marriage had been bad. But because it was changing—and he wasn't prepared.
His wife's body was changing. Their season of life was shifting. Transitions piled up.
And slowly, something in him hardened. He was becoming "grouchy" and "crusty".
He said it plainly: "I just didn't like how I was becoming… and I didn't like how I was treating my wife."
That awareness matters.
Because most men don't wake up one day intending to pressure, resent, or withdraw. It happens subtly—when expectations go unmet and entitlement slowly but surely begins to creep in.
A Marriage That Became Transactional Instead of Sacrifical Many men come to this work believing, "If my wife would just listen… if she would just change… then we'd be okay."
But here's the truth that was exposed in this man's life: he was living transactionally.
"I didn't realize I was living in a transactional relationship until those transactions weren't happening."
In other words: I give love → I expect intimacy. I serve → I expect responsiveness.
This man had never thought of himself as transactional—until intimacy slowed and frustration surged.
That's when God began to do the deeper work.
Take the Focus Off Intimacy to Heal Intimacy One of the most countercultural invitations men hear in this process is simple—and deeply uncomfortable:
Take your foot off the gas.
Not forever. But for now.
Because a woman cannot open her body when her heart doesn't feel safe.
She needs to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished—especially in seasons of vulnerability like menopause, grief, exhaustion, or long-term transition.
This husband learned that before asking anything of his wife, God was asking him to rebuild safety.
And that required humility.
The "Prostitute" Mindset Going through the Masculinity Reclaimed process, this man shared something that he learned that changed everything for him: "[Belah said] you guys are treating your wives like prostitutes. And the fact that you are not making them feel safe. You are not making them feel fully known...and you are not wholeheartedly cherishing your wives. Yet, you know, you flip the switch at...10 o'clock, 11 o'clock at night, and you want intimacy, and you're getting grouchy or whatever when that doesn't happen."
He had never seen it this way before, and it changed everything for him.
It was painful to hear. And necessary.
Because intimacy without safety and care doesn't feel like love to a woman—it feels like obligation.
Doing the Work Made a Change in Their Marriage This man didn't tell his wife he was doing the work at first.
But she noticed anyway.
She noticed the listening. The gentleness. The apologies for things that happened years ago.
And eventually, she asked.
Change preached is often resisted. Change embodied is felt.
Yes, intimacy improved.
But that's not what this husband points to as the greatest win.
He says the real transformation was internal:
- Healthier expectations
- A reordered life
- A clearer understanding of his responsibility as a man
Final Encouragement If you're waiting for your wife to change before you soften… If you're tempted to push, convince, or withdraw… If you're tired of feeling unseen…
Hear this: God honors the man who goes first. Not the man who wins the argument.
You are not alone. And this is not the end of your story.
It may be the beginning of the truest work God has ever done in you.
You can do this, sir.
God bless you!
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS – Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap.
PPS – Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? Take our free Marital Health Assessment and see what your marital score is–and how we can help.
PPPS – Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "We argued a lot. Said hurtful things to each other. Raised voices in front of the kids. Less emotional connection generally. Sex felt merely physical and not emotionally connected...not fulfilling. Usually felt like duty. And I have always been initiating and my wife has often complained about that...[Now], I've become more contented and patient and focused on her needs and a better listener I think. She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program. I take that as a win! She has initiated twice in the past 2 weeks! Very rare before this!"
(Guest name has been changed for safety and anonymity)
515-New Years Resolutions with Hope Happy New Year!
If you're reading this a couple days into 2026—welcome. And if you're reading this in the middle of 2037, it still applies.
Because God is still on the throne.
He is still a good Father.
And He is still interested in crafting and molding your heart—especially in the middle of real life… including the hard parts.
Put Your Growth Mindset On (Yes, Literally) If you've been in our Delight Your Marriage sphere for any length of time, you know I'm a little obsessed with growth. So, the New Year is one of the things I look forward to the most.
I want to share something that we do in coaching calls. It can honestly look silly… but it works.
We put our hands over our heads like a hat and we say:
"Put your growth mindset on."
Why?
Because the posture matters.
A growth mindset says:
- "God can change me."
- "I'm not finished yet."
- "This isn't the end of my story."
- "My marriage isn't stuck forever."
A fixed mindset says:
- "This is just how I am."
- "Take it or leave it."
- "This is all there is."
For us as believers, a growth mindset is a reflection of our faith.
Our hope is rooted in a God who raises the dead (Romans 8:11), who changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), and who redeems the years the locusts have stolen (Joel 2:25).
Having a growth mindset is a reflection of the hope we have in Jesus.
A New Year Reflection That Actually Changes You Here's what I like to do around the New Year (and yes, if you haven't done it yet, you still have time).
I go month by month through the previous year and write down what I remember—hard things, good things, major moments, heartache, breakthroughs.
Then, I pray:
"God, what do You want me to learn from this year?"
Because honestly… if He doesn't bring it to mind, maybe it isn't the thing He wants me to carry forward.
Then after I list the moments, I write two categories:
- Wins
- Learnings
Not because I'm trying to build a scrapbook of accomplishments or places I fell short, but because I'm trying to build wisdom.
When You've Been Crushed… God Is Doing Something There's a passage in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul describes being:
- utterly weighed down
- crushed
- despairing of life itself
And then he says this:
7 And our hope for you [our confident expectation of good for you] is firmly grounded [assured and unshaken], since we know that just as you share as partners in our sufferings, so also you share as partners in our comfort.
8 For we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about our trouble in [the west coast province of] Asia, how we were utterly burdened beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life [itself].
9 Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the sentence of death and were convinced that we would die, but this happened so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.
10 He has rescued us from so great a danger of death, and will rescue us; on Him we have set our hope [and confident expectation] that He will continue to rescue us.
-2 Corinthians 1:7–10 (AMP)
That suffering was to keep them from trusting in themselves… and to depend on God who raises the dead.
Friend… what if that pain you walked through wasn't proof God forgot you?
What if it was proof He was calling you deeper?
Not into self-reliance.
Not into "I'll just manage."
But into dependence.
And yes, dependence feels vulnerable.
But it's also where hope is born.
And we have a God that we CAN depend on.
So wherever you relied on yourself this past year… know you can rely on God.
The Subtle Trap: Distracting Yourself Instead of Depending on God Sometimes sneaks in during suffering:
Distraction.
When we hurt, we're tempted to numb.
A screen. A scroll. A snack. A show. A YouTube rabbit hole. A constant something to get us away from feelings that are uncomfortable.
And the question becomes:
What am I trusting to comfort me?
Is it God?
Or is it a coping mechanism—even a "normal" one—that quietly replaces Him?
If we want to be dependent on God, it must be for our comfort too.
You Can Do "Christian Things" and Still Miss Love In thinking of resolutions for the new year, we need to also think about the heart behind it.
I want you to take into consideration 1 Corinthians 13.
It is not just a wedding reading.
It's a mirror.
You can do all sorts of impressive things:
- serve
- teach
- sacrifice
- prophesy
- lead
- build
- give generously
…and Scripture says:
if it isn't done in love, it amounts to nothing.
So here's a New Year question that matters more than "Did I hit my goals?"
Did I love?
Conviction Is Kindness (And Shame Is Not From God) In thinking about growth for the new year, consider Hebrews 12.
It says 'God disciplines those He loves.'
So, conviction is not God crushing you.
Conviction is God reminding you of truth.
The world doesn't know what to do with guilt and shame—so they do mental gymnastics, or distract, or blame, or numb.
But we know what to do.
We run to Jesus.
Because the gospel is not "try harder."
The gospel is:
Jesus lived the life we couldn't live, died the death we deserved, and made a way for us to walk in freedom.
So whatever is being brought up as you look through your past year that you feel convicted of… good.
That means you're alive.
Now bring it to Him.
Don't Forget to Thank God for the Ways He Changed You In all of this, in looking back at your past year and all the things you "checked off", don't forget to also say thank you.
One of the most humbling moments in Scripture is when Jesus heals ten lepers… and only one comes back to thank Him.
How many times have we prayed:
"God, change me."
…and then He does…
…and we move on like it was our willpower?
When God grows you—thank Him.
Because He is good.
Because He is faithful.
Because your testimony becomes someone else's hope.
Your Identity Isn't What People Say—It's What God Says Another thing to take into this year is that people may misunderstand you.
They may assume motives, they may hold your past over your head, even after you've repented.
And you know what?
Jesus was falsely accused too.
So yes, sometimes we process feedback and ask God:
"Is there something I need to learn here?"
But other times?
You release it.
Because your identity is:
Beloved daughter.
Beloved son.
He created you.
He delights over you.
And He is not done with you.
Do not let the misunderstandings of this past year stop you from stepping into who God wants you to be in this new year.
Jesus Has a Yoke for You—and It's Lighter Than What You're Carrying Jesus says:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30
So ask yourself:
What have I been carrying that Jesus didn't ask me to carry?
What do I need to leave behind in this past year?
Social expectations?
Other people's opinions?
Constant stimulation?
Endless noise?
And then ask:
What does it look like for me to come to Jesus?
For me, it can look like:
- journaling on the couch with coffee and water
- worship on a walk
- playing the piano and singing to Him
- getting on my knees on the carpet and saying, "Lord, I need You."
What about you?
Because loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is not just good in theory.
It is meant to be a lived practice.
Who Are You Assigned to Love This Year? Finally, this is about WHO your assignment is this year.
In most seasons, your assignments go like this:
- your spouse
- your children (if you have them)
- the people God places in front of you
And yes—when someone is suffering, priorities shift. We don't walk by wounded people like the Pharisee.
But we also don't try to become the Holy Spirit for everyone.
So here's a New Year question:
Who is God calling me to love well—consistently—this year?
Final Thoughts Maybe as you read this you're realizing:
- "I'm not patient or kind… not at home."
- "I don't know how to love my spouse well."
- "My spouse was so mean last year."
- "I was misunderstood by my friends and family."
- "I'm exhausted and numb and discouraged."
We are here for you.
And here's what I know after years of seeing real transformation:
When God changes a man or a woman from the inside out… the marriage changes too.
Not by manipulation or control.
But by genuine love.
We believe that this new year can be a year of incredible personal growth as well as beautiful transformation in your marriage.
Don't let another year go by.
We are here for you and we are rooting for you.
Welcome to 2026!
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you want help taking real action—especially in your marriage—your next step is to Schedule a free Clarity Call. It's a conversation to help you get clarity on where you are, what's happening, and what support would actually help. You can find it at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching graduate:
"My biggest struggle was frustration that while my wife and I were both committed to the LORD and faithful in personal prayer and devotions, as well as church attendance and fellowship with other mature Christians, we did not feel like our relationship was thriving… I felt alone and abandoned, didn't realize I craved respect, and rarely ever felt it. Intimacy was fairly regular, but very regimented…[Now,] I have the tools…I already see a lot of personal change in so many specific ways in which I interact with my wife, how I focus on her…we've just enjoyed being together more, with mini dates to delight her, and so many little practices I'm implementing to revive her spirit"
514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story) There is a kind of marriage pain that does not look dramatic.It's not an outward struggle.Just a quiet ache.A marriage that functions but does not feel alive.
Laura lived in that space for decades.
From the outside, her life looked good. Forty years of marriage. Seven children. A faithful husband. A stable home. A shared faith. Everything a good Christian marriage is supposed to be.
And yet, beneath the surface, something was missing.
Emotional Safety.Real connection.Being fully seen.
For a long time, she told herself she had nothing to complain about. Her husband was faithful. He wasn't an alcoholic. He never abused her. He provided well for his family.
But inside, Laura carried a question she barely allowed herself to ask: "Is this really all there is?"
The Hidden Cycle That Brought Broken Trust Even with her husband's steadiness and Laura's determination to be grateful, there was a painful habit that entered their marriage early on that would consistently rear its ugly head.
Her husband was addicted to porn.
This was their cycle for many years:-Her husband would confess porn use.-There would be repentance and renewed effort.-Then, pressure would follow.
Laura would put the blame on herself, thinking, "If I did better, this would not happen." She read tons and tons of books, trying to better herself.She kept respect for her husband.She pursued intimacy, knowing it was important to him.
And still, the cycle kept returning.
So, she did what many wives do–she minimized her pain.She told herself others had it worse. After all, he worked hard. He stayed. He was a good man.
Why complain?
But the heart does not heal simply because we silence it. And this belief that Laura had that it was on her was not only a lie… but it was heavy and destructive.
Decades of "Just Okay" Laura kept carrying the weight of keeping the peace and enduring that vicious cycle of porn use.
So, she poured herself lovingly into family life. She homeschooled their children.She kept their home while he went to work, the way they were taught to do.
And yet, beneath the surface, she felt emotionally disconnected.
Alongside that, she felt there was no safe place to process her pain.No one equipped to walk with her.Even when reaching out to a Christian counselor, it wasn't quite enough.
So, she pushed her own pain down...for decades.
But pain does not disappear because it is ignored.It simply goes underground.And it shows up as numbness, distance, or quiet resignation.
Eventually, Laura realized something had to change. She could not continue living like this.
She told her husband he needed help for his porn addiction and that if he did not, they may need to consider divorce.
Her husband obliged, and they tried counseling together, which helped some. But it wasn't until he entered the work privately through the Coaching program that something different happened.
When Safety Was Introduced Into Her Marriage Though Laura didn't know he was taking a marriage course (He shared he was taking an online class), she started to notice a difference in the way he showed up to their marriage.
He did not try to fix her or pressure her.He did not demand that she change. He began bringing home flowers, letting her know she was beautiful just the way she was, planning dates.He became emotionally present.Humble.Gentle.Safe.
He changed.
For the first time in their marriage, Laura began to feel celebrated for who she already was instead of feeling like he wished she were different.
She no longer felt like she had to earn love. She felt cherished, emotionally safe, and truly loved–just the way she was.
And it changed everything.
From Feeling Skeptical to Feeling Hopeful After having heard a DYM podcast episode several years before these changes, Laura had closed herself off to the thought of DYM. But then, upon hearing an episode that we created for wives, she began to see the full picture more clearly and open herself up to the program. She decided to try it herself, even though she was still a bit skeptical.
She realized that what made the difference was not only the content, but the context.She was no longer alone.She had community.She had a specific place to ask her specific questions about her marriage.
For the first time, Laura had a safe place to speak honestly and to process pain without being blamed.
She learned she could have a voice in her marriage. She could ask for help.She learned intimacy did not have to be driven by pressure.She learned she could say no to certain requests without any fear.
Most importantly, she learned she mattered.
40 Years of Marriage–And Hoping For Many More "In short, it's better than it has ever been."
Our hearts filled up when she shared this with us.
Her husband is more in tune to what she needs and will go out of his way to bring in "delights"–if it's planning something special, bringing her flowers, or going along with Laura's spontaneous plans (even though he is the planner in the relationship!)
Also in the past few years, her husband has kicked his porn addiction for good and has remained in community through Delight Your Marriage, which has helped keep him accountable and growing.
As for Laura, you can hear the joy and peace in her voice as she shares, "I never expected that it would be this good."
Praise God.
There is no person too far gone and no situation too desperate for the Lord. He is a God that heals and redeems–hearts, habits, marriages, and so much more–because He cares for us.
And it is true for you too.
As we enter the last few weeks of the year, including celebrating the birth of our Savior, we invite you to remember what God has done and how much He loves you. Enough to send His son for you, as a defenseless child, to live a perfect life and one day die to pay the debt we could never have paid.
And then to send His Holy Spirit–to counsel us and guide us.
And even now, He is available to us to redeem and save the lost, heal our hearts, and be near to his children.
He loves us.He loves you.
We hope you will keep this truth near to you these next few weeks and remember once again that He sent His son to redeem everything.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Want to bring the Delight Your Marriage Coaching to your church? Our next round of In-Person Training will be launching early 2026. Check out our website to learn more about the mission & vision of IPT and how you can bring it to your small groups & churches.
PPS - Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? Take our free Marital Health Assessment and see what your marital score is–and how we can help.
PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent Delighted Wife graduate: "I took the Delighted Wife program. Coming into the program, I was so hopeless that my marriage could ever get better. My heart was full of deep hate for my husband - I had years of built-up unforgiveness and pain for all of the ways I felt he had hurt and abandoned me...I was deeply depressed and suicidal from the pain of the marriage. I constantly saw death as the only way to be free of this hole that I had dug for myself...Emotionally, I am a completely different person. My heart is full of love and joy over my marriage and gratitude to the Lord for the way He has grown me. The Lord literally pulled me out of the darkness and also has shown me how much I was negatively contributing to the marriage...This is the first time in the almost 3 years of marriage that I haven't wanted to leave. I see so much beauty in my marriage and my husband."
Christmas can feel magical.It can also feel exhausting.
If you're a parent who secretly feels pressure rising as the holidays approach—the expectations, the mess, the emotions, the memories—you're not alone.
And sometimes, the clearest wisdom doesn't come from another parenting book or productivity hack.
Sometimes it comes from children.
I sat down with my two sons for a conversation about Christmas. I expected sweetness and laughter (and we definitely had that). But what I didn't expect was how profoundly wise their reflections would be—for moms and dads who want to keep Christ and joy at the center, even when emotions run high.
May this conversation be a gentle reminder for all of us about what truly matters this season.
The Most Important Thing During the Holiday Season When I asked my boys what makes Christmas special, their answers were simple:
- Being with family
- Giving and receiving gifts
- And most importantly—Jesus
Isn't it interesting how easy it is for adults to know that truth, but still lose sight of it when stress enters the room?
Kids seem to understand something we forget:Christmas isn't about perfection.It's about presence.
Not perfect decorations.Not perfect meals.Not perfect behavior.
But hearts that are oriented toward love.
How Christmas Gets Derailed (And What Actually Matters) One of the most insightful moments came when we talked about what can ruin Christmas.
Their answer? A negative, ungrateful attitude.
And then they surprised me again by pointing out something many parents don't want to hear: "Adults need to remember this too."
Children feel the atmosphere of a home.Even when no words are spoken.
Tension.Unresolved anger.Stress that leaks out sideways.
Kids may not understand the details—but they absolutely feel the weight.
And when parents are overwhelmed or snapping at each other, it impacts everything.
When You're Tempted to Snap at Your Spouse So, what do you do when you're tempted to snap at your spouse? Here's where the conversation turned especially tender.
We talked about parents getting stressed—especially moms who want everything to be "just right" before guests arrive.
And my sons said something profound:
- Take ownership of your emotions
- Don't take stress out on your spouse
- Walk away if you need to
- Calm your body before speaking
They emphasized taking ownership of the way you choose to respond. We discussed Matthew 12:36 that says, "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,"
The win isn't never feeling frustrated.The win is choosing restraint, humility, and love in the moment of temptation.
The Gift of Calming Yourself Before You Speak How do you calm yourself before you lose your temper? They offered practical ideas—simple, doable, grace-filled:
- Take a walk
- Drink cold water
- Take deep breaths
- Step outside or into another room
- Take a long shower with space to think
Not to avoid responsibility—but to prevent harm.
Because once harsh words are spoken, they linger.And children remember not just what we say—but how it felt to be in our presence.
If You've Messed Up Before… There Is Grace What if Christmas in the past was painful?What if words were spoken—or wounds created—that still ache?
Their advice?
- Pray
- Go to the person you hurt
- Say "I'm sorry" sincerely
- Ask if there's anything you can do to repair
And then—trust God with what you cannot undo.
You are not disqualified from joy because of past mistakes.
Keeping Christ at the Center (Without Adding Pressure) When I asked how families can keep Jesus at the center of Christmas, their answers weren't complicated:
- A nativity scene
- A meaningful star on the tree
- Praying before meals
- Simply thinking about Jesus
Not performance. Not religious pressure. Just intentional reminders.
Sometimes the most Christ-centered thing you can do is slow down enough to remember why you're celebrating.
Final Thoughts: What Happens After Christmas The final question: When January comes, how do you want to remember this Christmas?
My boys said: Happy, Safe, Grateful, Hopeful.
Not impressed.Not exhausted.Not relieved it's over.
But filled.
That kind of Christmas doesn't come from doing more.
It comes from being more present.
If the holidays feel intimidating this year, hear this:You don't have to create a perfect Christmas.You are invited to cultivate a peaceful one.
One where Christ is honored. Where your marriage is protected. Where your children feel safe. Where grace is louder than stress.
And if you feel overwhelmed already—pause.
Jesus came for this kind of moment.
May your home be filled with warmth, peace, and joy this season.
And may Christ—not pressure—be at the center.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - We are hosting our In-Person Training Celebration Call THIS Sunday at 6:30p. ALL are invited to hear the incredible stories of transformation and learn more about what's next for IPT in 2026. Click here to RSVP.
PPS - If you're ready for more individualized coaching, we would love to speak with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors and find out more about Delighted Wife or Masculinity Reclaimed.
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent IPT graduate: "This program is not like anything else, any other marriage course, I've taken before. It goes deep and specific into marriage issues, and they provided practical steps to improve my marriage. After 10 years of marriage, I've forgotten how to desire being with my wife...Today it feels like the days of our early relationship and we look at each other like we were newly in love."
What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead Have you ever wished you could just…get inside your wife's heart for a moment?
Not to manipulate, but to genuinely understand her. To love her in a way that makes her feel safe and wanted—not pressured or confused.
My husband Darrow and I sat down to talk through something men rarely get honest insight about:
Her biggest turn-offs.
And not because we want to shame or scold—but because clarity brings freedom. When you finally understand what shuts her down, you also discover what opens her heart.
So take a deep breath.You're not in trouble.You're learning—and that already makes you a good man.
Let's walk through these turn-offs together, with God's kindness leading us all the way.
- When Affection Feels Like a Transaction One of the most common complaints I hear from wives is this:
"Every time he does something sweet, it feels like he's trying to get sex."
A back rub, a coffee, a hand on her waist, a date night—beautiful gestures—become tainted when she senses they come with an expectation.
When affection is only a bridge to the bedroom, she feels:
- Used
- Not loved for who she is
- Like her worth is tied to her sexual availability
God never intended marital intimacy to be a negotiation.Love her without a scoreboard. Bless her without an agenda.
- Grabbing, Pinching, or Smacking Her Body When She's Not Comfortable Yes…wives talk about this.
And I know many husbands mean it playfully.But if she doesn't feel safe—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—this kind of touch feels like entitlement, not affection.
Her body is not something to be "snatched."She needs room to open, not pressure to surrender.
When she feels cherished—not grabbed—she wants to share her body freely.
- Taking "Not Now" Personally If she says she's tired, overwhelmed, stressed, or simply "not right now," it's almost never about you.
But when a husband interprets it as:
- Rejection
- Lack of desire
- "She doesn't love me"
…it puts enormous emotional weight on her shoulders.
Instead, respond with: "No worries, sweetheart. Another time would be wonderful."
That confidence and peace will draw her toward you—not away.
- Moping After She Says No Emotional sulking is not harmless.
Moping communicates:
- "You disappointed me."
- "Now I have to punish you with sadness."
- "You're responsible for my emotions."
This shuts her heart down.Fast.
Your steadiness and joy—even when she's not available—makes her feel safe.
And safety is the soil where desire grows.
- Punishing Her for Not Wanting Sex This is one of the deepest wounds wives carry.
Punishments include:
- Silent treatment
- Withholding affection
- Moving to another room
- Being cold or distant
- Only being "nice" when you want intimacy
These behaviors feel manipulative and honestly frightening.
Your wife is not the enemy. She is the assignment God entrusted to you.
Lead with love, not consequences.
- Lack of Playfulness Playfulness is essential to intimacy.
If everything feels heavy, serious, structured, pressured…then her nervous system never relaxes enough to enjoy being sensual.
Silliness is holy ground for a woman's heart.
Laughter lowers her guard.Playfulness creates connection.
If you want her to be playful in the bedroom, she needs to experience playfulness outside the bedroom.
- Not Feeling Emotionally Safe Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy.
I'll say that one more time.
Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy.
When she feels emotionally unsafe, her body shuts down.
Emotional Safety looks like:
- Listening
- Compassion
- Being slow to speak and quick to understand
- Responding gently
- Supporting her heart, not "fixing" immediately
When she feels heard, she opens.
- Being a "Negative Nellie" (or Negative Ned!) Constant complaining is exhausting and not attractive.
It pulls the atmosphere of the home downward and makes her feel like she has to carry your emotional weight.
There is space to process hard things—but constant negativity drains the joy God wants in your marriage.
Rejoice. Notice blessings. Bring hope into the home.
- Bitterness and Resentment Long-term resentment is a marriage-killer.
Bitterness communicates:
- "I haven't forgiven you."
- "You owe me."
- "I'm still keeping score."
This is the opposite of Christlike love.
Your wife cannot relax into intimacy with a man who holds her mistakes over her head.
Forgiveness clears the ground for closeness to grow again.
And if you need a little extra inspiration, let us turn you to Matthew 6:15 (NIV): "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
- Being Too Serious All the Time Intensity has a place—but not every moment.
When a man is always stern, rigid, perfectionistic, spiritual-but-heavy…it makes her feel like she can never fully exhale.
If she can't be herself around you, she won't be vulnerable with you.
Joy is a fruit of the Spirit—not an optional extra.
- Using Slang or Sexual Words She Doesn't Like Words matter.
Some husbands use slang affectionately or playfully.Some wives love it.Others absolutely don't.
If slang or sexual language makes her uncomfortable, embarrassed, or unsafe, it becomes a turn-off—not a turn-on.
Honor her preferences. You're not losing freedom—you're gaining connection.
Final Thoughts: So What Do You Do with All This? If reading this stirs conviction…good.
Conviction is not condemnation.The enemy heaps shame.God invites repentance—and repentance leads to freedom.
Your wife is God's daughter. And He entrusted her to you.
Every shift you make toward loving her well brings you closer to His heart and closer to hers.
We're rooting for you!
Blessing,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you want help walking this out in real life—not just head knowledge—that's exactly why our coaching and in-person training programs exist.
Men who were separated from their wives…Men in sexless marriages…Men whose wives felt unsafe for years……have seen transformation they once thought impossible.For more information on our In-Person Training programs, launching January 2026, check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt
If you're ready to dive into the Coaching programs, please feel free to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent In-Person Training pilot program graduate: "My wife and I have been separated for 6 months, and the same day as our [IPT] graduation, she chose to and began moving back into our matrimonial home. I also told her about our [IPT] program that same day. Up until then, I had said I was attending a men's bible study. All praise be to God."
Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story Patty had a life most people would admire.
Forty-five years of marriage. Four children. Seven grandkids. Retirement. A kind, steady husband.
From the outside, it looked like she had it all.
But inside?
Patty was scared.
Not because she didn't love her husband. They laughed together, they got along. But underneath the "good," there was a quiet ache.
A deep disconnection she didn't know how to fix.
And as retirement began and the rest of life slowed down, and the thought of spending more time with her husband began to feel like a weight in her chest, she realized... she couldn't keep going like this.
Love Your Husband, Even When You Don't Like Him Every few months, things would blow up. Patty and Greg would hit a wall and neither one really understood why. To make it worse, Patty carried deep embarrassment that she hadn't "figured out" marriage after four and a half decades.
She'd tried to talk to friends. They were in same boat as her. She'd tried Christian counseling and received such troubling advice that Patty believes it would've led to separation—maybe even divorce—if she had followed it. Nothing was working. And it brought even more discouragement and hardness around her heart.
So when Greg sent her a few Delight Your Marriage podcast episodes, suffice it to say, she felt "prickly" about it (her words!) They rubbed her the wrong way and she wasn't ready to hear it.
But God was pursuing her heart.
A Compassionate Clarity Call Felt Like a Breath of Fresh Air Three months later, in one of those hard "every-few-months" moments, Patty found herself on the Delight Your Marriage website. She clicked on the button for a Clarity Call—not quite knowing why.
What she found on the call wasn't pressure or judgment. It was peace and grace. Someone gently saying, You're not alone.
No guilt. No shame. Just a safe space to say: "I love my husband… but I don't always like him. And I don't want to keep living this way."
Letting God Change Your Heart Patty shared with us that she had spent years thinking, "If he would just change, if he would be more tender… then things would change."
But in the program, a shift started happening. Through practical tools, biblical truth, and the ability to ask anonymous questions, God helped Patty see that healing didn't start with changing Greg. It started with a softening in her own heart.
And as she changed? Greg did, too.
He noticed her gentleness. He felt her respect. And without her asking, he responded differently.
Patty happily shared with us, "I'm pleasantly surprised. I can feel the way I did when we were first married." (What a celebration!)
Letting Him Take the Lead Not long ago, Patty and Greg needed to have a hard conversation with their daughter and son-in-law.
The old Patty would have jumped in. She would've taken over and shut down her husband to avoid conflict with the kids.
But this time, she stepped back.
She prayed, she supported him, and she let him lead.
And the result? Peace and connection. For everyone involved. A moment of unity they never could've created in their old patterns.
"I see how God is using even this to change our family legacy," she shared through tears.
Love in Retirement At first, Patty wasn't sure if she belonged in the program. 1) She was older than many of the other wives in her group. 2) She'd never been in a sexless marriage—but she hadn't fully enjoyed intimacy in a long time either.
But as the program went on, she found something unexpected: Healing, joy, and even desire.
She found herself no longer choosing girls' shopping trips over time with Greg. She wants to be with him instead. (Yes, really!)
Now, she looks forward to intimacy.
And most importantly? She's renewed her intimacy with God.
Because now she sees it clearly: the closeness God wants in marriage is a picture of the closeness God wants with her.
Final Thoughts: It's Never Too Late for a Change of Heart Patty says she was afraid to go into retirement with things as they were. But now? She and Greg are about to take a long-awaited trip to Hawaii.
And it's not just a vacation—it's a celebration.
A celebration of tenderness restored. A celebration of intimacy rediscovered. A celebration of God's faithfulness to give beauty for ashes—even after 45 years.
So if you feel like it's too late, rest assured, it is never too late.
No matter how long it's been—
God can still give you a new heart. And He delights to do it.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap.
PPS - Already familiar with our coaching programs and wish you could bring them to your church? You can! We are launching our In-Person Training program in churches around the country in January 2026. For more information, please visit delightyourmarriage.com/ipt.
PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I initially came into this program excited for the challenge, ready to work, and looking forward to change. What was quickly uncovered was that I was deeply wounded and deep down hated my husband...I wrestled with my flesh through most of the course, but then hit a breakthrough over the last few weeks...I've learned to see the blessing of God in the midst of deep struggle and trust him fully as I seek to obey him. [And] God has ignited in me a passion over the past 2 weeks to intentionally pursue my husband sexually, thanks to the Song of Solomon. God is changing my husband! He is listening to me more intentionally and with genuine interest, he's chipping in to help without asking or complaining, he is speaking words of gratitude to me, he's being more playful, he seems to be taking the lead more."
Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking? Physical intimacy can be one of the most painful topics in a woman's life.
Maybe you've felt shame for years. Maybe your husband brings it up constantly, and all you want to do is shrink away. Or maybe, deep down, you wonder if something is just wrong with you.
If that's where you are, I want you to know—I've been there.
I've felt the fear. I've felt the pressure. I've carried the shame.
And I want to walk with you through what I've learned on the other side: There is healing. There is hope. And yes, there is joy.
The Pain Is Real—But So Is God's Compassion You may have asked yourself:
- Why did God make me this way?
- Why don't I want they way my husband does?
- Why does sex feel more like pressure than connection?
God doesn't ignore your questions. He weeps with you. Just like Jesus wept for Mary and Martha, knowing full well He was about to raise Lazarus—He still entered into their grief.
He enters yours too.
And even if this has felt like a battleground, it doesn't have to stay that way.
Healing Begins with Safety—Not Pressure Before you even think about "fixing" your physical intimacy, your heart needs a safe place to land. And for many women, that starts with unlearning the belief that you have to earn love—God's or anyone else's.
You don't.
God's love isn't tied to your performance, your body, your ability to "show up" intimately, or how productive you are in your day.
He loves you because He made you.
That's it. That's all.
Your worth was settled at the cross—not in your bedroom, your to-do list, or your motherhood.
When you live from that place of being already loved, you finally have space to breathe and truly begin to heal.
Slowing Down Is a Spiritual Discipline One of the most overlooked steps in reclaiming intimacy is rest. Real, soul-deep rest.
When your calendar is overstuffed, your stress is high, and your self-worth is tangled in busyness—you don't have the capacity for joy. You don't have the margin for laughter or connection.
That's why Sabbath isn't optional. It's sacred. God designed you to stop. To remember that you are not the one holding the world together.
He is.
So yes—cancel some things. Say no. Choose to be "Mary," sitting at Jesus' feet, choosing the better thing.
Intimacy Flourishes Where Joy Lives When life slows down and you begin to enjoy God, enjoy your family, and even laugh at yourself—you begin to unlock joy in intimacy, too.
Yes, that's right!
Because fun, play, and freedom matter.
Physical intimacy was never meant to be a chore, a duty, or a place of dread. It's meant to be a gift. Something sacred and fun.
And when your heart is in a place of peace, you stop obsessing about perfection and instead, you show up with your whole self—free to connect, to try, to be present, to even laugh when something awkward happens.
That's when intimacy becomes what it was meant to be: a beautiful, joy-filled expression of love.
Small Steps Towards Healing Friend, if you're carrying shame, exhaustion, or resentment around sex—it's okay to start small.
You don't have to force yourself into healing overnight.
Start with this:
- Make space to be with God, not just do things for Him.
- Release the belief that you have to earn His love.
- Say no to busy so you can say yes to rest.
- Look for moments of laughter and joy—and embrace them.
- Show up to intimacy with the goal of connection, not perfection.
Your healing doesn't begin in your bedroom.
It begins in your soul.
And as God gently rewrites your story, intimacy will follow.
Final Thoughts: You Are Loved. You Are Enough. God doesn't want you stuck in shame. He doesn't want your marriage defined by dread or even silence.
He wants you whole. He wants you free. He wants you to enjoy Him—and yes, enjoy your marriage.
You don't have to strive anymore.
You are loved because He says you are. You are enough because He made you.
And intimacy, like joy, can grow again.
One day, you'll look back and say, "I never thought it could be like this… but God healed me."
I believe that day is coming.
You are in our prayers, dear reader and dear listener.
God bless you!
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Ready to take the next step and get more personalized coaching? We would love to speak with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our compassionate Clarity Advisors, who have been where you've been, and want to help you get in the right place for healing. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.
PPS - Are you already familiar with our work and would love to see it at your local church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on the In-Person Trainings coming in 2026.
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "When I came into the DYM program, I was spent emotionally, and it was difficult to carry on with my daily tasks. Even as a devoted Christian, my pain was overshadowing the joy that I have in the Lord because I was so focused on the problems. Immediately, the preparatory work of applying the DYM recipe required some major changes in my behavior. The Lord began to minister to me as I applied myself to the modules, homework, accountability calls and coaching calls. I began to experience hope, not because my circumstances were changing, but because I was allowing the Lord to change me!"
Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold We get so caught up in the now—our needs, our feelings, our expectations—that we forget: this isn't forever.
And when it comes to your marriage, your mindset matters more than you know. What if the goal isn't just earthly happiness… but eternal impact?
Let's shift our gaze from the temporary to the eternal—from trying to fix our spouse to faithfully loving them like Jesus.
Because your marriage assignment? It impacts eternity.
A Marriage Mindset That Reaches for Heaven If marriage is your god, you'll do it your way.
You'll chase validation, push for change, demand your rights, and stew in resentment when your spouse doesn't meet your expectations.
But if God is your God, and marriage is your assignment, you'll do it His way.
You'll put your spouse before your ministry, before your work, before the kids. You'll think about loving them the way they receive love. You care about peace, patience, kindness, and self-control in your marriage. You value reconciliation and you stop praying, "God, fix my spouse so I feel better," and start praying, "God, draw them closer to You."
It's a radical shift in your marriage mindset. And it changes everything.
Eternal Marriage Mindset: Your Assignment Is Bigger Than You Think Think about this: your spouse isn't just your husband or wife. They're your brother or sister in Christ.
One day, they will stand before Jesus just like you will. What if your daily choices helped them be more ready for that moment?
That's the eternal marriage mindset. It's not about temporary comfort—it's about eternal glory. You're not just trying to survive your marriage. You're trying to love your spouse all the way to the streets of gold!
And, by God's grace, you'll be dancing there together one day.
You only get one marriage with this person. One chance to love them well. One life to serve them, selflessly.
And if that service brings them closer to Jesus? It's worth every ounce of sacrifice.
Streets of Gold and a Big Ol' Mansion Next Door But all joking aside, imagining heaven should stir our hearts. Because eternity is real. And that means what you do in this short vapor of a life matters.
If you need help fixing your gaze upward, here's a powerful recommendation: Wild Near-Death Experiences: Proof of Heaven | John Burke | Ep:365 from the Blurry Creatures podcast.
John is a former pastor, engineer, and researcher who has explored over 1,000 verified near-death experiences—and the common themes are stunning. Even from those with no faith background, many report seeing a being of love, a city of light, a life review… all pointing to the reality of heaven. His ministry, Imagine Heaven, invites us to live today in light of eternity. And wow—is it motivating.
When we meditate on the realness of what's ahead, our marriage takes on deeper purpose. It becomes a divine assignment with eternal weight.
It's Not About Them, It's About You: Taking Ownership in Your Marriage Here's the hard truth: You will stand before God alone. You won't be able to say, "But my husband didn't…" or "But my wife never…"
This journey isn't about controlling your spouse—it's about surrendering your own heart.
If your marriage is struggling, start by asking:
- Am I doing this God's way?
- Am I praying for their character, not just my comfort?
- Am I serving them with an eternal mindset—or demanding love on my terms?
The shift starts in you.
Final Thoughts: Marriage Is Temporary. Your Influence Isn't. Heaven is coming.
And when you get there—your mansion sparkling, the streets of gold beneath your feet—will your spouse be dancing beside you?
Will your love have drawn them closer to Jesus? Will your sacrifices have sown eternal seeds?
Friend, your influence matters. Every word, every action, every reaction has a chance to draw them closer to Jesus.
So soften your heart. Adjust your mindset. And do marriage well—not for earthly gain, but for eternal glory.
We are rooting for you!
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Want help living this out? We would love to walk alongside you. Start with a free Clarity Call and talk with someone who's been there, seen God work, and is ready to cheer you on.
PPS - Have you seen the impact of this work in your life and wish more people knew about it? We are launching our In-Person Training program globally in January 2026. For more information on bringing this program to your church (or small group or work or wherever you meet!), please email office@delightyourmarriage.com.
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "The biggest area I have grown is in my relationship with the Lord. I have a deeper walk and appreciate struggles as they point me to Jesus. Our marriage has grown as well. We are deeper in love and we are heading to our finish lines of life, united as a couple."
How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey's Story Marriage is holy work.
Maybe you're reading this today because you're hoping your marriage will change. Maybe you're reading this because you've prayed, "Lord, please help my marriage," when really you mean "Lord, please help my spouse!"
I hope this blog and episode will make you feel both comforted and inspired — that you'll be reminded your marriage can change, not by grand gestures or perfect communication, but by small, faithful, daily habits of love.
This is what Harvey discovered as well. That it wasn't grand gestures or big sweeping shifts that changed his marriage, but small, daily, consistent habits that brought it God's love, peace, and patience into his marriage.
Changing Your Priorities: When Hard Work is Leading to Disconnect Harvey and his wife have been married nearly 37 years. Together, they raised four kids and built a life on their dairy farm. For decades, he worked two full-time jobs—teaching high school by day and farming by night.
He says, "Every day was between 12 to 16 hours. My wife was incredibly supportive, but I just wasn't there emotionally."
Maybe you can relate. Life's responsibilities pile up, and before you know it, years have passed. You're functioning—but not really connecting.
Despite his faith and commitment, Harvey admits that emotional and spiritual intimacy were missing. He wanted closeness, but didn't know how to get there.
A Different Kind of Prayer—and a Different Kind of Growth After retiring from teaching, Harvey finally had space to seek help. He'd been listening to our podcast for years and decided it was time to join Masculinity Reclaimed, our men's program.
The first surprise? It wasn't about changing his wife!
It was about learning to love her the way Christ loves the Church.
He started with one habit: daily time with God. Reading Scripture. Praying. Reflecting. And eventually, he began praying with his wife in the mornings—a completely new rhythm in their 36 years together.
That quiet time, over coffee and prayer, became a beautiful and cherished time for emotional connection.
The Turning Point: Accepting Your Wife as She Is Halfway through the program, Harvey realized that for years, he had been looking at his wife through the lens of what she wasn't.
She wasn't this, she wasn't that...
But when he stopped trying to change her and started accepting her for who she is, the woman he fell in love with, the woman she had always been, rather than who he hoped she might someday become–everything began to shift.
That acceptance made her feel safe. Seen. Loved.
And when a woman feels safe, her heart opens. His wife began to blossom before his very eyes and the connection Harvey had longed for finally began to grow.
The Habits That Build a Marriage Here's the truth: marriage is a system of habits.
Paul says, if you're married, you will have trouble. (1 Corinthians 7:28) You'll have to think about how to please your spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:34)
Are you in the habit of thinking about your spouse? Are you in the habit of considering them and putting them first? Are you in the habit of encouraging, loving, praying, and serving them?
It's not always easy work — but it is good work.
Every word, every look, every morning prayer can help build connection.
That's why transformation doesn't happen overnight. It happens in the daily choices.
Final Thoughts Friends, you don't have to wait to start changing your marriage. Harvey shared with us, "I wish I had learned these things earlier in my marriage." We want that for you as well!
You don't have to wait to retire or for your kids to be out of the house. You don't have to wait to be a certain age or have been married a certain number of years. You can start investing in your marriage now, today, to say that the next 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years of marriage were incredible.
That is what we want for you. And we know, that no matter where your marriage is at right now, it can change. Just ask Harvey.
We are rooting for you and we know that we serve a God who makes all things new– and that includes marriages.
God bless you!
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step and get into a community that knows what it's like and are doing the hard work themselves– we'd love to chat with you. Click here to schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call Advisors and take the next step in healing your marriage.
PPS - Are you a fan of this work and wish more people knew about it? We are launching an In-Person Training program this January and we would love to come to your church, workplace, community group, or wherever you gather! For more information, visit our In-Person Training page.
PPPS - Here is what another recent grad had to say about our program: "I've become more contented and patient and focused on [my wife's] needs and a better listener I think. She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program. I take that as a win!"
"Marriage First" Makes Your Life Unstable At the end of my life, I want to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
That's the goal that keeps me grounded—and I know many of you share that desire. But here's a hard truth I've learned through years of walking with couples: when our marriage or family becomes our first priority instead of God, everything starts to crumble.
Why "Family First" Doesn't Work I once had a conversation with someone I deeply love who said, "You think God has to be first—but I think family should be first." His heart was sincere, but the fruit of that mindset showed otherwise.
When family is first, everything depends on emotions—how your spouse treats you, how the kids behave, whether things feel peaceful at home.
That's not stability. That's shifting sand.
We see the effects of this all around us. Divorce rates hover around 50%. Even pastors and counselors admit they rarely had a healthy marriage modeled for them.
Most people are doing their best, but without a biblical foundation, their "best" can't hold up when life gets hard.
The Biblical Order That Brings Stability Scripture gives us the right order: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself." — Mark 12:30–31
That means I love my first neighbor—my spouse—because I love God.
Why do I forgive in marriage? Because God is first.Why do I love my husband well? Because God is first.Why do I serve my family with joy? Because God is first.
When we build our lives on that rock, we become steady—even when the storms hit.
Illness, loss, special needs, mental health struggles—these things shake every marriage. But when God comes first, everything else finds its right place.
Feelings Aren't God—God's Word Is We live in a "follow your feelings" culture. If you don't feel in love anymore, the world says, find someone new. But feelings aren't truth. God's Word is.
You're serving the King of Kings, and your marriage is part of that assignment. Like the Roman soldiers in Gladiator fought for the glory of Rome; as believers, we live for the glory of God. That means our choices in marriage—our words, our intimacy, our tone—should all be for His glory.
Believers are called to die to ourselves. That includes our moods and even our sexual desires.
Scripture is clear: "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time... then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you." — 1 Corinthians 7:5
That's not about coercion or obligation—it's about love expressed God's way.
When I choose intimacy with my husband, it's not because I feel like it every time. It's because I love God. And when I embrace His design with joy, the byproduct is a beautiful, connected marriage.
Marriage as a Path to Holiness Author Gary Thomas famously asked, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy, not happy?" The amazing thing is—when we pursue holiness, happiness often follows.
That's why we teach the Delight Your Marriage Framework:
- Husbands need to have respect, admiration, and wholehearted intimacy.
- Wives need to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished.
We love our spouse in the way they receive love, not the way we prefer to give it. Because real love is about understanding and serving the other.
(You can download the full framework at DelightYourMarriage.com/framework.)
The Power of God's Word to Transform David Wood—a former atheist and sociopath whose life was radically changed by Scripture. Even after becoming a Christian, he noticed that when he stopped reading the Bible for a few days, dark thoughts would return. That's how powerful God's Word is—it changes us from the inside out.
If you're struggling to love your spouse, to forgive, to stay faithful, start here: get your nose in the Word.
Not scrolling. Not skimming. Reading. Slowly. With a heart open to hear God.
Even one verse a day in a physical Bible can soften your heart. Make it a habit. Let the Word wash over you.
Final Thoughts If you have put your marriage above Jesus, it's not too late to turn it around.
He is a safe person to put your trust in. You can trust His Word and His design.
It is on purpose, for a purpose… and it is Good.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you are interested in taking the next step, putting God first, above your marriage, we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call and chat with one of Clarity Advisors.
PPS - Want to see this work in your churches? Our In-Person Training is launching nationwide in January and we would love for your church to be a part of it. Click here to learn more.
PPPS - Here is what a recent graduate had to say:"The DYM program has helped me grow as a husband and learn how to better serve my wife and our relationship has been growing in all areas as a result. She just told me this week that she used to feel tension when I came home from work and that tension is gone. Big change which has led to growth for us both. Belah's insights and coaching have been amazing and I've discovered God's purpose for us and our marriage at a new level! Thanks DYM!"
It doesn't start with scandal. It often doesn't even start with feelings.
It starts with a smile. A moment of connection. A conversation that feels easy—maybe easier than the ones you've been having at home.
You walk away thinking, That was nothing. But somewhere deep down, you also know—it could become something.
If that's where you find yourself today (or even if you've seen the warning signs in someone you love), please take a deep breath. You're not broken. You didn't marry the wrong person. You haven't done an irredeemable thing with no going back. You're human. And this conversation is meant to bring you hope, not shame. In my conversation with Gary Thomas today—pastor and bestselling author of Sacred Marriage—he shared that when a group of wives was asked "How many times do you think a married man has had extramarital feelings for someone?", they all responded with zero. When he asked the same question to a group of husbands, they all said somewhere from 4 to 6.
What we are saying is that attraction and feelings for someone other than your spouse are not often talked about, but are pretty common- for both husbands and wives. And we believe that bringing this into the light will take some of the shame off of these feelings and also help people not to go down a road they think has no return.
Gary Thomas on Attraction and Integrity Gary has been married for over 40 years, and he's seen a lot—as a pastor, counselor, and husband. He told me, "The reason we make a commitment is because we know there will always be another person who draws us for a moment. Commitment means we already know what to do with it—and what not to do with it."
We don't often talk about attraction outside of marriage unless it's already turned into an affair. But Gary's heart is to normalize awareness before it becomes destruction.
In our talk, Gary referenced a romantic comedy movie where a married bus driver begins to become attracted to a girl on a bicycle. Finally, a friend of the bus driver gently confronts him and says: "There will always be a girl on the bicycle."
In other words, there will always be someone who catches your eye.
The key isn't pretending that will never happen—it's learning how to respond when it does.
Gary reminded me that having an attraction isn't the sin. Entertaining it is.
The feelings themselves don't make you unfaithful—they make you human. But where you let those feelings go next? That's where faithfulness begins.
The Subtle Steps Toward an Affair Gary shared that most affairs don't start with a dramatic choice—they start with small, quiet ones. Little compromises that feel "innocent."
He shared with a story of a woman who did end up having a physical affair. She recounted that it wasn't just one day to the next, but that there were actually several steps that happened before they were physically intimate. She shares that she could have turned back at any of these step, had she known before. She also shares the grief after it was all done at waking up to "just a dude in her bed"– not the escape or rescue or romance the temptation had promised.
Here are the steps she shared and the pattern Gary's seen over and over again:
- You share marriage frustrations with someone of the opposite sex.
- You sense a spark—and feel seen or understood.
- You start caring how you look around them.
- You think about them when they're not around.
That's the prelude. It doesn't feel dangerous yet, but it's where hearts begin to shift.
Gary said, "If you can recognize it early, you can stop it before it ever grows."
From there, people will often begin to have an emotional affair:
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You fantasize about being together.
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Manipulating circumstances to spend more time together.
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You start playful banter or flirtation.
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Friends notice—and ask what's going on.
This is a wake-up call. Gary said, "If people around you see it, something's already happening." They're seeing what your heart is trying not to admit.
Then, comes the actual physical affair:
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Meeting together in secrecy.
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Texting or calling in ways you hide from your spouse.
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Physical intimacy.
This is the final step—but it's never the first.
We don't share this to shame. Maybe you've already partaken in some of these steps. We share because it is not too late to turn back. Gary said, "If you know the steps, you can stop at any one of them."
When You Have Extramarital Feelings, Here's What to Do If you do end up experiencing feelings or attraction for someone other than your spouse—don't panic. Don't spiral into guilt.
Instead, bring it into the light. Tell a trusted, godly friend of your same sex. Talk to your spouse if it's wise to do so. And most importantly—talk to Jesus.
Ask Him to help you see the truth: that this isn't love, it's a lure. Temptation often feels like relief at first—but always ends in ruin.
Then, put up strong, unapologetic guardrails:
- Stop all unnecessary contact with that person.
- Don't text, call, or "just check in."
- If you work together, keep everything professional and public.
- And don't justify emotional intimacy as "just friendship."
And when your spouse asks you to stop interacting with that person, don't respond with pride. See that they are feeling threatened and care for them deeply in that. As Gary said, "You can't make your wife (or husband) feel cherished if you're protecting a relationship that threatens them."
What Makes Us Vulnerable to Affairs Gary also reminded me that temptation doesn't appear out of nowhere—it finds cracks that already exist. Stress. Loneliness. Unmet needs. Disappointment.
He said, "There was a time early in my marriage when everything felt like failure—our baby cried constantly, money was tight, and I felt like I couldn't get anything right. So when someone made me feel 'perfect,' it was intoxicating."
Can't we all relate to that in some way? When life feels heavy, a moment of admiration feels like oxygen.
But the healing you're seeking isn't found in a new connection—it's found in deeper connection at home and with the Lord.
But that's why we must run to the right source for validation. Your worth isn't in who smiles at you—it's in the God who delights in you.That's right. Not a perfect wife who is doing the perfect things, or a perfect husband who is saying the perfect words. But the Lord who is constant.
Guarding Your Heart and Protecting Your Marriage Let Gary's wisdom anchor you: "Be as faithful to your spouse as God is faithful to you. Be as committed to your marriage as Christ is committed to His Church."
That kind of faithfulness isn't built on fear—it's built on love. When you keep Jesus at the center, attraction loses its power and intimacy becomes holy again.
So today, ask yourself: What boundaries do I need to strengthen? Where have I let my guard down? And how can I draw closer—to Jesus and to my spouse—starting now?
Again, we don't share this to frighten or shame. We are sharing to let you know that if you've had feelings for someone other than your spouse- you are not alone. You are not dirty, you are not broken. It doesn't mean you married the wrong person and it doesn't mean this new person is your soulmate. It means there was attraction and you are human. That is it.
We love you and we are rooting for you!
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Want to bring our material to your churches? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt to learn more about our In-Person Trainings and our January pilot programs!
PPS - Ready to take the next step for yourself? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPPS - Here's what one of our recent graduates had to say about our program: "My wife and I were roommates at best. I felt that she only wanted me around for a paycheck and to take care of the house. When we had sex it was duty sex where she wasn't present and there was no connection. I hated myself but I was wanting to cheat on her just to feel wanted and desired...[Now,] I have learned about how I was causing problems and putting way too much pressure on my wife...if I am not cheering her on, who is? The truth was no one was, no wonder she was depressed, withdrawn, and suicidal. I would be too. I now take pride in knowing that God entrusted her to me to lift her up, cheer her on, show her how good she is, encourage her, listen to her, and cherish her so she can grow...[Recently,] she told our daughters to move because she wanted to sit by me during movie night. She has taken steps towards intimacy with me on her own without me pressuring her."
#marriagepodcast #marriedlife #marriageadvice
How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story Sometimes, the couples who join our programs aren't on the brink of divorce. They aren't fighting all the time. They actually have a good marriage.
But deep down, they know it could be better. That's exactly where Jen was when she found Delight Your Marriage.
"We Had a Good Marriage… But I Knew It Could Be More" Jen and her husband had been married nearly 15 years. They had three young kids, a busy life, and no major marital crisis. As she put it, "We were not in conflict with each other. We didn't have any major issues that we were dealing with from our past. You know, no unfaithfulness, nothing like that."
Still, something inside her longed for more. She said to us, "I think the thing that drove me into it was knowing that our marriage was good, but understanding or having this feeling that it could be better."
She remembered a pastor that had mentioned Delight Your Marriage to her and from there, took the leap of faith to schedule a Clarity Call. And what she discovered surprised her.
Through honest reflection and intentional questions, she realized that while her marriage looked peaceful from the outside, her heart was carrying something deeper: resentment.
She had no idea that this resentment had snuck into her heart, but once she saw it, she was set on rooting it out.
When Self-Pity Sneaks Into a Good Marriage Not only did Jen identify resentment in her heart, but she discovered she had also been carrying self-pity. In listening to an episode of the podcast on self-pity before joining the program, she realized the topic was actually hitting her heart.
[For those interested: https://delightyourmarriage.com/393-the-sin-of-self-pity-aka-pride/]
In that moment, God started something new.
Through the program, Jen learned to let go of resentment and embrace gratitude. She began to see her husband not as someone who wasn't "doing enough," but as a man faithfully serving and providing for their family.
That simple—but powerful—shift changed everything.
The Power of Peace in a Great Marriage As Jen walked through the program, she noticed a transformation in herself. Through the "heart" work, she found that her soul was also being renewed and that God was was reworking things her heart she didn't even know where there.
And the result of that heart change? Peace.
With Jen getting rid of the resentment, putting aside the self-pity, and bringing in appreciation, compliments, and admiration- it changed the atmosphere of their homes. Jen's husband even came home one evening during his busiest season, wrapped her in a hug, and said, "Thank you. I've noticed how much more peaceful our home has been."
She hadn't been trying to get him to notice—but he did. What she considered a small change was actually impactful. "It was a change enough that he felt it too"
How God Turns a Good Marriage Into a Great One When we allow God to transform us, our marriage begins to shift.
Jen said, "Our connection as a result of, I think just the peacefulness in the home and between us and our gratefulness for each other has brought us closer together in intimacy…"
Yes, even their physical intimacy changed! Before the program, intimacy was about once a week. Now? "Two or three times," she said, smiling. And not only has the frequency been upped, but they are enjoying each other more (a major win!)
And it wasn't a formula or manipulation—it was the result of a softened heart.
A Christ-Centered Model for Marriage Transformation As a former family life educator in her church, Jen had led marriage classes before. So she was skeptical—could DYM really offer something new?
After completing the program, she said, "I haven't encountered anything as beneficial, and that actually works as well, as what DYM does. And I think a huge part of that is because of, well, the commitment to Scripture and actually putting it into practice."
Jen's favorite part? The women's small group.
"A place that's safe, encouraging, and honest," she said. "We prayed for each other, celebrated each other's wins, and shared struggles without fear of judgment. I've never experienced community like that."
There's Always More God Wants to Do in Your Marriage When asked what she'd tell another wife who has a good marriage but knows there's more, Jen didn't hesitate: "I think I would just say...wherever you are in your marriage, if you think there's room for growth, then there's probably room for growth. So go after it, go after it, go after it...I would, for sure say, do it with DYM, because I think it's... I think it's a powerful, powerful program."
Jen's words remind us that "good" isn't the goal. God desires great marriages—ones marked by peace, gratitude, and deep connection.
Wherever your marriage is at: whether you're separated and not speaking or in a good place but wanting just a little more, we know that God is still working and He can change things for good.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Ready to take the leap of faith and make that Clarity Call? Don't hesitate! Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Call advisors at delightym.com/cc or +1 332-239-2379
PPS - Interested in having this program at your church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on joining our Pilot Program!
PPPS - Here's is what (another) recent graduate has to say about our program: "Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage... [Now] I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt...I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade."
When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson Do you remember when you first fell in love—how easy it was to cheer him on? You’d light up at his stories. You’d say, “You’re amazing!” and mean it. You noticed everything good.
But somewhere along the way, the cheers turned into corrections. The same man who once felt like your hero now feels like your project. And instead of applause, he mostly hears... boo.
That’s what Ann Wilson discovered the day her husband, Dave, vulnerably told a room full of women that marriage sometimes felt that way to him—like he’d walked off the football field to a stadium full of boos. Ann was stunned. She thought she was helping him. But in that moment, she realized how her words had chipped away at his confidence and joy.
I was so honored to talk with Dave and Ann Wilson—pastors, marriage speakers, authors of Vertical Marriage, and co-hosts of FamilyLife Today. For more than 30 years, they’ve led thousands of couples toward hope, healing, and connection. But their story didn’t start with success.
The Power of Words in Scripture Scripture is clear: “The tongue has the power of life and death.” — Proverbs 18:21
Your words can resurrect a weary heart—or crush it. They can draw your husband home or make him quietly retreat.
And as Dave and Ann share, the transformation didn’t start with more compliments or clever communication—it started with repentance.
A Night of Repentance and New Beginning in Marriage Ten years into marriage, they were on the verge of losing everything. Dave was busy building ministry– starting a new church at home and a chaplain for the Detroit Lions, often times away traveling with the team. Meanwhile, Ann was at home with two little boys, beginning to feel lonely, angry, and done.
One night, sitting in a parked car late at night on their 10 year anniversary, she finally said, “I’ve lost all my feelings for you.”
Dave was stunned. He thought they were great. Ann had never shared otherwise. How could she say he was disregarding her? How could she say she felt alone and he was always away?
As he reached for his planner to defend himself, the the gentle and firm voice of the Holy Spirit whispered: “Repent.”
He dropped his arguments and dropped to his knees—right there in the front seat of their Honda Accord. He realized he had put himself first instead of Jesus.
In that sacred moment, Ann felt conviction too. God showed her that she’d made her husband and marriage an idol and she had been wanting Dave to fill every need, when that was never the role God was supposed to have. She got on her knees as well, surrendering her expectations back to the Lord.
That night became the beginning of something new—a vertical marriage, grounded in repentance and intimacy with Jesus first.
When You Stop Cheering on Your Spouse Years later, when Ann shared her “booing” moment at church, she used a visual: a plant. She explained that when you're dating, you pick a healthy, vibrant plant—your husband. But after a few years, you start noticing brown leaves. you take out the clippers, thinking it’s your job to prune him. Before long, you've hacked away so much that there’s barely a stump left.
After this sermon, Ann saw a couple that in the auditorium that stayed long after everyone had left. She approached them and saw an older man, head in his hands, tears dropping heavy on the ground, his wife sitting next to him bewildered. When asked what was wrong, he simply pointed at the stump and said, "That's me."
It’s not that we don’t love our husbands. We do. But we’ve forgotten that change is God’s job—not ours.
Our job is to water with words that bring life.
How to Speak Life (When You Want to Yell) Ann admits she used to “speak her mind” freely—then justify it as honesty. But over time, God taught her a new rhythm of restraint and prayer, asking “Lord, should I say this? If yes, when should I say it? And how should I say it?” Not in an anxious way, but surrendered and thoughtful, knowing how much her words matter.
Just that short prayer created space for the Holy Spirit to guide her words.
One night, when Dave mentioned getting criticism on his sermons, her first instinct was to correct him (“Maybe if you studied more…”). But instead, she prayed that quick prayer—and said, “I can’t imagine the weight you carry, with thousands relying on your walk with God.”
Dave turned around, pulled her close and whispered, “You are my life.” Her empathy, not critique, drew him near.
Words That Heal Ann now also prays daily, “God, show me the greatness in my husband.” That prayer changes everything—because God always sees the greatness He planted there, even when we can’t.
Romans 12:2 says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” When we ask God to renew how we think about our spouse, our words follow. And when our words change, the whole atmosphere of the home begins to heal.
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” — Proverbs 16:24
Speaking Life Doesn’t Mean Losing Your Voice This isn’t about silencing yourself or ignoring real problems, but when encouragement becomes your default, your occasional hard truth carries more weight. Your words no longer sound like attack—they sound like love.
And as Dave says, “When you praise your man, he becomes better. Critique doesn’t motivate—it deflates. But genuine admiration calls out his God-given potential.”
Repentance Starts Revival If you’ve been critical, impatient, or weary—we get it. And it’s okay. The path back is repentance. It’s not a shame-filled, heavy thing. It’s the most freeing thing you can do. Start there. Let God soften your heart again. Ask Him to show you the greatness in your spouse. Then, begin to speak it out—one small sentence at a time.
You can do this.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're ready for the next step in healing your marriage, even if you're the only one doing the work, we're ready to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc or call +1 332-239-2379.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I am in control of my mood by controlling my own behavior instead of letting it get set for me by my husband's behavior and what I expect of him. I have released expectations of my husband. I see him as God's son now, which means he is NOT my responsibility to fix, direct, correct, discipline, etc. and instead I love, support, encourage and pray for him. I am less controlling of my husband and I am more content with life in general."
How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage On the outside, Jake looked like a happy-go-lucky farmer. But inside, his marriage was falling apart. Control, years of infertility struggles, alcohol abuse, and pornography created a wall between him and his wife. Even counseling couldn’t break through the scar tissue of pain she carried. At one point, she said her willingness to work on the marriage was zero—she was ready to leave.
Jake was out of options. Yet, in God’s kindness, what seemed like the worst day became the turning point. His confession of addiction cracked open the first door to healing.
What a Farmer Learned About Love in Marriage As a man who worked with horses and cattle his whole life, Jake knew how to communicate safety and calm with animals. Yet God showed him—through the story of David, Bathsheba, and Nathan's rebuke—that he wasn’t doing the same for his wife.
The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.
4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”
5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”
7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’
- 2 Samuel 12:1-10
The revelation was life-changing: God entrusted him with His daughter. Loving her meant creating safety, trust, and gentleness. Jake realized that real leadership wasn’t control—it was love.
Learned to Lead by First Laying Down Pride When Jake finally joined the program, he discovered what he had been missing for years: a biblically based roadmap for marriage. The forgiveness modules were the breakthrough.
He had carried anger for so long that it felt like part of his identity. But through forgiveness, Jake experienced freedom he had never known. Old wounds didn’t need apologies to be healed—he released them to God. His wife noticed almost immediately. For the first time in years, she felt safe with him.
From Walls to Sanctuary: A Marriage Transformed The changes weren’t just in Jake. His home transformed. He stopped reacting in anger—even when a box fell on his head in the garage. His kids froze, waiting for the outburst that never came. That moment opened his eyes to the unsafe environment his rage had created—and the freedom God was now building in its place.
His home shifted from a place of survival to a sanctuary of love. He began looking forward to coming home, slipping away with his wife for time together, and seeing joy reflected in his children.
Leading with Love in Everyday Life Jake learned to lead as a husband and father, not by demanding respect but by modeling Christlike love.
- When walking in after a long day, he chose to bring joy instead of frustration.
- When tension rose, he chose reassurance over arguments.
- When intimacy came, it was no longer duty—it was connection, passion, and contentment.
Jake also says he has never felt so sexually satisfied, not because of more encounters, but because of the depth of love in his marriage.
A Legacy of Leadership The transformation didn’t stop with Jake and his wife. His children are being raised in a different household than they were 12 weeks earlier. His daughters now see how a husband should love his wife. His son now has a model of godly leadership to follow.
Generations are being changed because one farmer decided to learn how to lead with love in his marriage.
Final Thoughts Marriage was never meant to be endured—it was designed to be a sanctuary of love, trust, and joy. Jake’s story shows that no matter how high the walls are, God can dismantle them brick by brick. True leadership in marriage doesn’t come from control but from gentleness, safety, and sacrificial love. And the care that you give in other areas of your life is worth investing your family as well.
For any husband who feels stuck, hopeless, or unsure of how to change, remember: you can learn to lead. And when you lead with love, everything changes—your marriage, your family, and your legacy.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Ready for the next step? Our team of Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you. Call +1 332-239-2379 or visit delightyourmarriage.com/cc to take the next step of faith in healing your marriage.
PPS - Here is what (another) recent grad has to say: I was blindsided and stuck in my own self righteousness. He has wronged me in many ways in the past too but the course allowed me to see my own behaviour too, and I have forgiven him for the past and I feel we can really start afresh, looking at him with new eyes again. I am very hopeful for the future and I enjoy the weekends spending time with my family. Even if we may go through bad patches in the future we now have a framework to use. Nobody told us any of this before.
Arguments that spiral out of control often leave behind words no one meant and wounds that take time to heal. Escalation may feel like “getting it all out,” but according to our guest today, it is actually poison to a marriage.
Dr. Kevin Downing, founder of Turning Point Counseling in Southern California, has spent decades helping couples, pastors, and families find healthier ways to connect. His insights on escalation, self-control, and parenting bring both biblical grounding and practical tools.
Why Escalation Is “Pure Poison” That Often Leads to Divorce Research from Dr. John Gottman revealed that the type of conflict in marriage can predict divorce. The number one predictor? Escalation.
When escalation takes over, brain scans show that the logical, rational side of the brain shuts down. That’s why conversations in anger lead to slammed doors, reckless words, or ultimatums. With half the brain offline, no real problem-solving can happen.
We often think that the “truth” does comes out during these heated moments of escalation, and sometimes spouses even push each other to the brink in an attempt to "get the truth out." But the reality is, this isn't so. The words spoken at the peak of anger are not reliable and usually bring regret. As Dr. Downing explained, escalation is pure poison for marriage.
The Fruit of the Spirit in Your Marriage Scripture gives a different path. Galatians 5 teaches that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.
Self-control means more than biting one’s tongue; it is the Spirit’s power to respond with gentleness when provoked. It is choosing a soft answer when the flesh screams for retaliation. This is what keeps hearts tender and marriages safe.
Practical Tools for De-Escalation Dr. Downing offered practical tools couples can use immediately:
- Use “I” language. Instead of “You’re losing it,” say, “I need a few minutes to calm down. I promise to return.”
- Pause at night. Words like, “I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m sure we can work this out” create security before sleep.
- Reassure often. A 10-second “wedding-vow refresh” can melt deep insecurity: “You’re my one and only—for better or worse, for life.”
- Don’t debate history. Replace “I remember it better than you” with “We have different recollections.” Then drop it.
- Offer a new experience. Arguments rarely change minds, but kindness does. Just as a restaurant replaces a meal instead of defending reviews, a spouse can create change by responding with love instead of debate.
How to Be on the Same Page about Parenting Conflict in parenting can be just as destructive if spouses are not aligned.
But, Dr. Downing emphasized that parenting plans should not be created in the heat of a crisis. An argument is not the time to create a parenting plan, just like the middle of a storm is not the time to create a rain plan. You want to do these things outside of the state of chaos.
Instead, couples should sit down calmly after the crisis is done and start with the big picture. What goals do you have for your children? You may ask yourselves:
- Do we want our children to be God-loving?
- Self-supporting?
- Respectful?
- Loving toward siblings and connected to church?
Agreeing on these goals allows a united front in daily decisions. One of the greatest gifts for children is seeing parents present a unified approach. Correcting a spouse in front of the kids undermines authority and invites manipulation. Behind closed doors, differences can be discussed and resolved without giving children the leverage to divide.
The Two-Minute Timeout Dr. Downing also shared a simple, powerful discipline tool for parenting: the two-minute timeout.
When a child disobeys, responds disrespectfully, or hits a sibling, the consequence is two minutes with two questions:
- Why were you in timeout?
- Will this behavior happen again today or tonight?
To establish safety and connection, younger children are also given a hug afterward.
This short, consistent approach helps children take ownership while keeping parents calm. It prevents long punishments that discourage, as well as shouting matches that model escalation. In fact, the timeout often benefits the parent just as much—allowing emotions to cool so rational thinking returns.
By the time children reach their teens, the drill is so familiar that a simple question—“Do you need a timeout?”—is usually enough to prompt self-correction.
Final Thoughts Every couple disagrees sometimes, and every parent has those chaotic moments—but they don’t have to end in distance or regret. Escalation will always push hearts apart, but Spirit-led self-control and kindness can draw them close again.
The beautiful truth is that transformation doesn’t always come through big, complicated steps. Often it’s the small, intentional choices—pausing before speaking, offering reassurance instead of accusation, giving a child two minutes to reset—that shift the entire atmosphere of a home.
Each moment of choosing gentleness over escalation is an invitation for God’s presence to flood your marriage and your family.
You can do this.
God bless you!
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - For more information on Dr. Kevin Downing and his work, please visit turningpointcounseling.org
PPS - Interested in some free resources? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/downing for a downloadable bundle including resources mentioned in today's podcast.
PPPS - Did you get a chance to check out the Midlife Summit? They are doing an encore presentation this weekend and it is not too late to catch it! Come check out Belah and other coaches as they share insight on hormones, intimacy, and all things midlife. Click here for more info.
PPPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "When we did talk it would often end with blaming each other and an argument. I believed that if my wife could just be more affectionate and loving our marriage would be much better. I quickly realized in the first few weeks of MR, that when I take the lead to make her feel safe, cherished, and heard, she responds by being kinder and more loving towards me."
Body obsession has been a toughy for me all my life.
Wanting to be thin.
Wanting to be beautiful.
Wanting to fit into x size jeans.
Wanting to see x on the scale.
(The number of New Year's resolutions based on this makes me embarrassed.)
And once I am triggered about thinking I'm not thin, I would eat to assuage those hard feelings.
Or other hard feelings, I'd eat.
Was it sin?
Was it a sin, for ME?
Let's put a pin in that thought.
I think a major way the enemy tempts us nowadays is through distraction.
Is distraction a sin?
Well, if God has a will for our lives and there are things that are getting in the way of that, that's what I would call sin.
We can't be ignorant of his scenes.
If your insecurity about your body robs you of sexual desire and confidence in the bedroom -- you need to wage war against this.
God calls you to be a spouse.
If something about your body makes you insecure, it is robbing you of the connection you are meant to have with your spouse. Men, maybe it's your member's size, performance, or belly, ladies, maybe it's your belly, body's shape, or giggle (believe me, I get it!!)
That's why I mean to encourage you to wage war against this distraction.
And honestly, if it's not allowing you to do God's will -- I call it sin.
If the amount of thoughts that we give to something is greater than the thoughts we give to God (worshipping Him / His word / His tasks / His rest / delight with Him / loving His people well)
...then might we be serving an idol?
I definitely was.
And it's on me to wage war against that idol of body perfection because it hinders every other good thing God wants for me; what He's called me to be about.
So, I hope you'll be encouraged that you can get freedom from this, as I believe it's a miraculous freedom I'm walking in now and have for some time. Thanking God for it!
I hope it blesses you.
Love,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to help you. Join a Clarity Call to help us know your situation and if we can help your marriage thrive in every area of intimacy - emotional, spiritual & physical. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When I hit “record” on the very first Delight Your Marriage podcast 10 years ago, my mic stand was a Quaker Oats container.
I had a dream, a story, and a hope that I thought could help others.
I just had a few loaves and fishes to offer—with a world in need.
Now—500 episodes later—we’ve seen Him do it: hundreds marriages restored in our programs directly, many thousands of families transformed through our podcast, lives healed all over the world.
And yet, this milestone isn’t just about what God has done at Delight Your Marriage—it’s about what He wants to do next, through all of us.
Here are three lessons from this episode I believe will bless you right now:
1) Do not be overcome by evil The world’s problems can feel overwhelming, but your greatest impact is in your sphere of influence—your heart, your habits, your marriage. That’s where revival begins. And it does spread!
2) Do courage enough and it becomes confidence. At first, obedience to God feels risky and scary. But when you keep stepping forward with courage, it grows into confidence. And then it’s simply confidence in who you are and how God made you to be and impact others.
3) Live the Love Chapter at home–first. 1 Corinthians 13 isn’t just for weddings—it’s your daily assignment. Love is patient, kind, forgiving. Revival doesn’t start on stages—it starts in your living room.
Hear how Delight Your Marriabe began and where we’re heading in the next 10 years! We’re going be in-person trainings (16 starting this fall!), best selling books, self-directed courses, certified coaches, live events, weekend retreats, and global impact—transforming marriages, churches, and even whole communities.
We’re just getting started—and you’re part of it.
With gratitude, Belah
P.S. Even if you don’t listen right away, here’s how you can step into what’s next:
For you
- Book a Clarity Call to begin your own coaching transformation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
For others
-
Bring In-Person Training to your church or small group (launching January): hosting a group where marriages can heal in your community or church. Let us know if you would like to become a part: office@delightyourmarriage.com
-
Help us find the Director of Operations role – take a look or send it to a friend.
- Partner with us financially to sponsor pastors and churches in need (tax-deductible): office@delightyourmarriage.com
499-Sinful v. Holy Fierce Intimacy I was confused.
There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage…
only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things.
Where did he get all this “inspiration” anyway?
Oh, I knew: sinful places.
So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt).
What’s your story?
If it’s even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex.
I wasn’t viewing sex from a biblical standpoint.
I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.)
I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God’s will.
Maybe you’ve gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you’re married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire.
Be washed by truth. That’s my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage.
When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it’s nice and warm (with your spouse 🙂 )
Biblical Sexual Boundaries: What God Says Clearly God’s Word is not silent on sexuality. We’re called to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18), honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure (Hebrews 13:4), and rejoice in the wife (or husband) of our youth (Proverbs 5).
What does that mean practically? It means saying no to adultery, fornication, pornography, and lust outside of marriage. But it also means saying a big yes to intimacy within marriage.
God designed it. He delights in it. And He calls it holy.
Christian Sexual Freedom in Marriage Here’s the good news: within the covenant of marriage, you are FREE. Passion, tenderness, variety—when it’s just the two of you, it’s not dirty or off-limits.
Too often, we add rules God never wrote. We act like Pharisees in the bedroom, burdening ourselves with shame. But Scripture doesn’t say you have to find every position or practice word-for-word in the Bible. It says to stay within God’s boundaries.
That’s it.
Inside those boundaries, freedom is His gift.
Masculine vs. Feminine Sexuality in God’s Design I often talk about a helpful framework: feminine sexuality tends to be calming, connective, tender—while masculine sexuality is passionate, fierce, and energetic.
Neither is wrong! In fact, both are needed! But here’s the key: most wives won’t feel safe to enjoy masculine passion until the feminine is deeply honored.
Gentle connection lays the foundation for fierce intimacy. When both are present, intimacy becomes the oneness God intended.
One Flesh Marriage Meaning When Scripture says the two become one flesh (Matthew 19:5), it’s not talking about shared bank accounts or chore charts. It’s talking about the mystery and beauty of sexual union.
That oneness is not only for procreation—it’s also for pleasure, connection, and spiritual unity.
You were designed to be “naked and unashamed.” That’s God’s original intention for your marriage.
Repentance and Sexual Purity Here’s the challenge: what you consume shapes what you expect.
If your eyes are fixed on media that glamorizes lust, adultery, or pornography, your heart will follow. Jesus warned us—lust in the heart is adultery (Matthew 5:28).
But repentance is always available. God’s kindness leads us to turn back (Romans 2:4). His grace washes us clean and empowers us to start again. Inside His boundaries, intimacy is safe, holy, and life-giving.
Healing and Hope for Your Marriage Bed If intimacy feels impossible for you—whether because of past sin, abuse, shame, or just exhaustion—please don’t give up.
You can heal. You can rediscover joy. You can learn how God wired you for intimacy, and how to give and receive love in your marriage bed.
I want you to know: fierce intimacy is possible, for men and women. And it is holy. Within God’s design, it’s not just permitted—it’s celebrated.
Final Thoughts Friend, don’t let the enemy steal your freedom by pushing you into guilt—or into sin. God’s Word draws the boundaries, and inside them, He invites you to DELIGHT.
We are rooting for you.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Ready to take the next step? Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Advisors today. This free Clarity Call will give you insight into the health of your marriage and your best next step. Whatever is hindering you from taking your next step, you are not too far gone. Sign up here for your free Clarity Call!
PPS - Need a little extra coaching on this whole holy fierce intimacy thing? Well, the timing could not be better! Our very own Belah Rose is a keynote speaker for Date Your Spouse's 2025 Sex Seminar. All the nitty-gritty questions, all the understanding and support. Check out this link to register for this seminar and catch not only Belah's teaching, but other intimacy experts as well! 🔥 (Want to catch up on the Sex Seminars from previous years? You got it. Click here to register for access for this year's panel AND previous years!)
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head even though one of them occurred 25 years ago... After going through the program, the stress is gone... I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage! I have also started back on my spiritual journey with God, that I have been away from for many years."
Creating Better Habits for a Better Marriage: Michael's Story You love your wife. You love your family. And you’d do anything for them.
But if you’re honest… things don’t feel quite the same as they used to.
Maybe you’re exhausted from work, the baby, or the endless list of responsibilities. Maybe your evenings with your wife now look more like two roommates collapsed on the couch—silent, tired, and just hoping tomorrow will be better.
That’s exactly where Michael found himself.
A good man. A loving husband. A dad who adored his toddler son. And yet—he noticed the spark in his marriage was fading.
Instead of ignoring it, he made a decision that changed everything.
And maybe that’s where you are today.
Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations for Lasting Change Michael wasn’t looking for fluff. He wasn’t looking for self-help tricks that sound nice but fall flat.
He wanted something biblical. Something that honored God’s design for intimacy. Something practical enough to implement while juggling fatherhood and career.
That’s when he discovered Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations.
From the very beginning, he noticed it wasn’t complicated. Daily gratitude. Encouraging words. Apologies when needed. Intentional listening.
Simple? Yes. Easy? Not always. But transformational? Absolutely.
Michael said it “sparked something new.” He began noticing his wife respond in ways she hadn’t before. Even more surprising—she started picking up the same habits he was practicing, without ever being taught them directly.
One morning, while out on a walk, she said, “I forgot to write my gratitudes today.”
Michael was stunned. Gratitudes were part of his new daily rhythm—something the program had challenged him to do. He hadn’t even invited her into it. But she saw his consistency, and she was inspired to follow.
That’s the power of godly leadership.
Christian Marriage Intimacy That Transforms Daily Life Michael realized intimacy was about more than the physical.
Yes, God designed sex as a beautiful, holy gift—but intimacy starts long before the bedroom.
When a wife feels safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished, her heart opens. That’s the essence of Christian marriage intimacy: a holistic connection that touches body, soul, and spirit.
For Michael, it meant slowing down. Looking his wife in the eye. Really listening when she spoke—not just nodding while his mind wandered. Offering compliments, even when it felt small. Expressing love, even in the middle of an ordinary day.
And the results?
Their evenings shifted. Instead of collapsing into silence, they began talking again. Laughing again. Rebuilding the kind of bond that made marriage joyful instead of draining.
Maybe that’s what’s missing in your marriage. Maybe you’re craving closeness but don’t know where to start. Michael would tell you—start small. Gratitude. Encouragement. Listening.
And watch how God multiplies it.
Christian Husband Leadership That Inspires Your Wife Here’s the truth: someone has to go first.
Too many men wait, hoping their wives will change before they do. But waiting is not leadership.
Michael discovered that a Christian husband's leadership is about modeling the very change you want to see.
- Choosing gratitude when negativity feels easier.
- Speaking life instead of criticism.
- Creating joy where tension used to rule.
- Surrendering pride in order to serve.
And his wife responded. Not because he pressured her. Not because he demanded it. But because love that reflects Christ is contagious.
Friend, this is the hard but freeing truth: leadership begins with you.
Your wife may or may not immediately change. But your consistent obedience to Christ’s call—to love your wife as He loved the church—will never return void.
Marriage Transformation Stories That Stir Hope When Michael first joined the program, he rated his marriage a 7 or 8 out of 10. Good. Steady. But he knew something was missing.
After stepping into these practices, his wife said something that stopped him in his tracks: “This has been transformational for our marriage.”
That’s not just improvement. That’s restoration.
And Michael’s story isn’t unique. Week after week, we hear marriage transformation stories from men all over the world—young dads, empty-nesters, husbands married for two years or fifty.
The common thread? They chose to lead with love. To step into accountability. To embrace God’s way, not culture’s distortions.
And God met them there.
If He can do it for Michael, He can do it for you.
Final Thoughts Let me ask you directly: where is your marriage today?
Maybe it feels “good but not great.” Maybe the spark is gone, and you’re worried what things will look like in five or ten years. Maybe you’re exhausted from parenting and silently grieving the closeness you once had.
Friend, you don’t have to settle.
Michael didn’t.
And the best part? His wife followed his lead without him ever asking her to.
That’s what happens when a man chooses to be the first one to change.
Michael made a decision. He chose to take a step forward. And it began with one simple action: a conversation.
That’s where you can begin, too.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Are you ready to take the next step in improving your marriage? We are here for you! Schedule a free Clarity Call and take the first step to transforming your marriage.
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Our marriage was doomed to fail if we continued with the same unhealthy patterns that we had been using for years. This was a very hard process of self evaluation. My relationship with God was put at the top of my list for each day and I was able to start to feel connected to Him again and have loved being in the word. I also realized that I was taking myself and life way too seriously and have had to force myself to be more playful which has helped to keep the mood in our relationship more fun and light."
497-Living a Life of No Regrets in Marriage and Faith [Re-Release] (Previously Titled: Changing OURSELVES in Light of Eternity) Hello, listeners! As we continue to work on our recording our very first in-person trainings, we hope you will enjoy some of the re-releases from the past few years of the Delight Your Marriage podcast (It has certainly been sweet to us to re-listen and share some of our favorites with you!) For this week, we hope you will enjoy a little bit of Christmas in the summertime as we talk about living life in light of eternity. Christmas is certainly a wonderful time to remember who Jesus is and why he is worthy of our lives, but we think a balmy day in August is a good time to remember that also.
Enjoy this re-release and we look forward to sharing some other favorite episodes with you soon!
God bless!
Marriage as Your First Assignment Before God When we think about standing before Jesus one day, many of us imagine wanting to hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” But how often do we connect that vision with our marriages?
The truth is, God has entrusted you with a spouse—not by accident, not as an afterthought, but as a sacred assignment. Your husband or wife is your first ministry.
Loving God by Loving Your Spouse Jesus told us the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength—and the second is like it: to love our neighbor as ourselves.
And who is your closest neighbor? Your spouse.
No one else can encourage your spouse like you can. No one else can pray for them, serve them, or provide safety and intimacy in the same way. Your marriage is one of the clearest ways to live out your love for God.
When you choose to love your husband or wife with gentleness, patience, and sacrificial love, you are actually loving Jesus.
Integrity, Intimacy, and Safety Loving your spouse well isn’t just about words—it’s about integrity. It’s about creating true safety by guarding your heart, your eyes, and your thoughts.
It’s about saying no to distractions that cheapen your focus—whether that’s pornography, busyness, or pouring your energy into hobbies instead of your home.
When you choose discipline, integrity, and faithfulness, your spouse experiences the safety God designed marriage to provide. And intimacy—emotional, spiritual, and physical—flows from that foundation.
A Life with No Regrets This life is short. One day, you and I will stand before Jesus. What will we be able to say about how we loved?
Did we prioritize our marriages? Did we love our spouses as Christ asked us to? Did we make sacrifices to ensure our marriages reflected His heart?
The good news is—it’s not too late. Today, you can choose to love your spouse as your first assignment before God. You can choose to realign your priorities and live with no regrets.
Your Invitation Your marriage is not just about you and your spouse—it’s about reflecting Jesus to the world. When you love your spouse well, you glorify God.
Take some time today to ask:
- What does it mean for me to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?
- How can I show that love to my spouse in practical, tangible ways?
- What do I want to be true of me when I stand before Jesus?
Friend, don’t waste the life God has entrusted to you. Start with the person He’s placed right by your side. Your first neighbor.
You can do this.
God bless you,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you are ready to join our Coaching Programs, we would love to chat with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call advisors and discover what your marriage needs to fully connected once again.
PPS - We are doing a pilot launch in churches this Fall! The Masculinity Reclaimed & Delighted Wife programs that you know and love are being adapted for in-person groups and we cannot wait to show them to you. If you'd like your church to be a part of our pilot program, please check out https://delightyourmarriage.com/church/
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "We were both resentful of how we treated each other. My expectations were rarely met and I could be quite cold. My moods would overflow into my parenting and even work. After 20+ years of this I had very little hope that things could change. I was not going to leave my family, but I did seek to escape through alcohol and pornography at times... [Now,] My wife has told me she feels safe. She has begun to trust that my change is not a passing fad. I have gained understanding in how to love her well. I look forward to being around her, and to pampering her and loving her well. This has overflowed into intimacy emotionally, spiritually, and physically...I didn't realize how much pain I was causing her, or how self focused I was. I was trying to get her to change and should have been working on me."
Abiding in God’s Love by Living a Life of Surrender (Formerly Titled: Real Love Takes Sacrifice) We know the Bible says “God is love” (1 John 4:8) and that He loved us first. But if we’re honest, many of us spend more time wondering, “Does God really love me?” than asking the deeper, more revealing question: “Do I truly love Him?”
That’s the heart of today’s message. God’s love for you is unshakable, unchanging, and eternal. The real question is whether your love for Him is genuine—and if it’s showing up in your life the way true love always does: through sacrifice.
When You Don’t Feel God’s Love Maybe you’ve been a Christian for years but can’t remember the last time you felt God’s love. You’ve read the verses. You’ve prayed the prayers. But it’s like you’re in a spiritual drought.
The truth? Feelings aren’t the measure of His love. But there’s often a missing link when we feel disconnected from God—and it’s not that He’s holding back. It’s that our love for Him hasn’t moved from words to action.
Abiding in God’s Love Requires Sacrifice Jesus said plainly, “If you love Me, keep My commands” (John 14:15). Love isn’t just warm feelings or goosebumps in worship—it’s obedience. And obedience requires sacrifice.
That sacrifice may look like:
- Giving up your comfort
- Laying down your need for control
- Surrendering your demand to understand everything before trusting
- Releasing opinions that don’t align with His Word
It’s the same principle in marriage—love grows deeper when it’s willing to lay self aside for the other’s good. Our relationship with Jesus is no different.
The Pearl of Great Price and God’s Love In Matthew 13:45–46, Jesus tells of a merchant who sold all he had to buy one pearl of great value. That’s what loving God looks like—letting go of everything else so you can fully hold onto Him.
You don’t get the pearl without selling all. You don’t experience the fullness of God’s love without the surrender that real love demands.
Beyond the Honeymoon: Abiding in God’s Love Daily Some of us have had that powerful, early experience with God—a “honeymoon” season where His presence felt constant and overwhelming. But just like in marriage, the relationship matures. The emotions may not always be intense, but the love grows deeper as it’s proven through daily, intentional sacrifice.
Surrender: The Path to Experiencing God’s Love If you want a fresh revelation of God’s love, start here:
- Ask Him to show you where He’s calling you to surrender.
- Choose obedience in that area—even when it costs you.
- Trust Him with the outcome.
When you give Him your heart in this way, you’ll discover what you can’t manufacture through feelings alone: the deep, abiding joy of walking in step with His love.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you’re ready to take the next step toward real transformation in your marriage, I’d love to invite you to a free Clarity Call. It’s a safe, judgment-free space to share your story, discover what’s been holding you back, and see if our program is the right fit for you. Don’t wait—your next season of connection, joy, and hope could start today.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent grad: "I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situation. I feel closer to God now...what could be a bigger impact than that?"
After nearly four decades of marriage, Kim and Russ had done the hard work. They had raised five children, invested in professional counseling, read marriage books, and sought spiritual guidance.
And still, something was missing.
The breakthrough moments they experienced through the years never seemed to last. They still longed for a deeper connection and the kind of love they had always dreamed of.
The Pain of “Almost” Fixing It Kim felt emotionally unsafe for far too long. Arguments were frequent, and intimacy had become something to endure rather than enjoy. She said, “We spent tens of thousands of dollars on counseling… but nothing stuck.”
They had learned communication tools, gone on retreats, and practiced new habits—but it felt like patchwork. They both feared they’d never experience the closeness they longed for.
What Made This Marriage Transformation Different When a close friend experienced radical transformation in her marriage through our program, Kim and Russ took notice. Russ joined the men’s program first—not out of crisis, but out of conviction. He realized he hadn’t been loving Kim as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5), and he wanted to grow.
As Russ surrendered his old ways, Kim noticed a clear shift. He was more present, more loving, and no longer reactive. Over time, her heart softened too.
Though initially hesitant, Kim eventually joined the women’s program, encouraged by the changes she saw and her own desire to grow.
"I wanted to catch up," she shared with us.
The Breakthrough They Couldn’t Find Anywhere Else What set this experience apart wasn’t just the information—it was the biblical framework, practical tools, and deep community that made lasting transformation possible.
Together, they:
- Ended their cycle of arguing
- Rebuilt emotional safety and trust
- Restored intimacy in every sense—physical, emotional, and spiritual
- Learned how to love and respect one another as God intended
Russ shared with us, "I’ve been in church all my life, but I never really learned how to live out Scripture in my marriage. This taught me how.”
A Marriage They Never Thought Was Possible Today, Kim and Russ say their marriage is “a 9 or 10.” Not because it’s perfect—but because they’ve been changed from the inside out.
They speak with laughter and warmth. They tease each other. They still work through conflict—but without yelling, shutdowns, or spirals that last for days or weeks.
Now? They hold hands again. They share their hearts freely. They support each other’s needs—spiritually, emotionally, physically.
Russ opens the car door for Kim every time. And she waits for him to do it.
Healing Beyond Just the Two of Them The impact of their transformation has rippled outward—into their relationships with their grown children, with friends, and even in their church.
What used to feel tense or guarded has become relaxed. Warm. Full of grace.
When asked to describe their marriage today, each responded with one word: 'Delight' (Russ) & 'Thankful' (Kim).
That’s not where they began. But by God's grace—and a willingness to grow—they now live in daily gratitude.
For the peace in their home. For the tenderness in their marriage. And for the God who redeems all things.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Are you were Russ & Kim were before? 35+ years into marriage and feeling defeated and discouraged? You are not alone and your marriage story isn't over. Schedule a free Clarity Call to take the next step.
PPS - We are launching a Church Training pilot program this Fall! All the incredible material of DYM, created for weekly church trainings. It's going to change lives and we are so excited to see it! If you'd like your church to participate, check out our Church Training page for more info.
PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Often my wife would complain that I wasn't listening, didn't understand her well, and that she was walking on eggshells all the time (that feeling was mutual). Even though we were good friends and we had regular dates and romantic times together, she didn't see any depth to 'us'...I realized that more than our intimacy, God wanted to meet me and change my heart…Finally God had my attention and He started working in many different areas of my life, that had just been swept under the carpet for far too long…[I] learned to truly put myself on the cross, to draw close to my wife and seek to minister to her needs first."
Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence (Formerly titled: Don't Waste Your Impact) It’s easy to underestimate just how much weight your words, actions, and attitudes carry—especially in your marriage.
But the truth is, your spouse is the person you impact most in this life. And that impact can either build up or break down. It can draw them closer to Jesus—or push them further away.
Whether you're aware of it or not, you are influencing every day. The real question is: how are you using that influence?
In today’s episode, we’re exploring what Scripture and research say about the power of marriage, how your smallest habits shape your legacy, and why taking your influence seriously could be one of the most important decisions you make—not just for your spouse, but for eternity.
Why Your Marriage Holds the Greatest Influence in Your Life Research from the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale confirms it: five of the top ten most stressful life events are marriage-related. Death of a spouse. Divorce. Separation. Reconciliation. Even getting married. All of these events shape us more than we realize—impacting not only our emotions but our physical health.
That’s why your role in your marriage is far from trivial. It’s your greatest mission field. Beyond your spouse, your children are next in line for your influence. Their spiritual formation, character, and even understanding of Jesus may start with how they see you live.
Influence Starts with the Smallest Seeds We often think influence must be grand—but it’s the consistent, daily seeds that grow lasting fruit.
Whether it’s trying to put stubborn littles to bed while keeping a joyful attitude (“count it all joy when you face trials”), or sharing a genuine compliment with your spouse that communicates admiration or safety—these small acts build a legacy.
The greatest impact comes through simple faithfulness: planting seeds of respect, encouragement, and love, again and again.
Want to Be Effective? Influence with Soft Eyes and a Gentle Tone Influence is not control. It’s not demanding. And it’s certainly not harsh.
If your heart is full of conviction, but your tone is sharp, your spouse may never hear your heart. Instead, they’ll hear rejection, judgment, and intensity. That shuts hearts down.
Instead, remember this:
- Soft Eyes
- Gentle Tone
- Slow Pace
No, it’s not an acronym yet—but it’s a powerful practice. If it matters to you, slow down. Look at them with kindness. Speak with a spirit of gentleness. Because your delivery may determine whether your words are received—or rejected.
Faith Isn’t Meant to Stay Silent—So Stop Hiding It Somewhere along the way, many of us have absorbed the idea that faith is a purely private matter. But Scripture doesn’t support that.
Paul talks openly about his prayers, his tears, his awe at God’s love. You don’t need to boast—but you do need to be real. Share how you follow Jesus. Let your spouse and your kids see that He’s not just a Sunday idea.
He’s your daily King.
Character First. Ministry Second. The Bible is clear: if you can’t manage your own household, how can you lead in the church? (1 Tim. 3, Titus 1)
Your first ministry is your spouse. Your first testimony is how you treat them when no one is watching. Your first assignment is to steward the influence God has entrusted to you—in your tone, your time, and your tenderness.
Don’t Waste the Great Gift of Influence If you’ve ever caused your spouse to spend days mulling over a harsh word, you've influenced—for harm. That matters. God has given you the ability to heal and build up—or wound and tear down.
We won’t be perfect. But we must take our influence seriously.
Let your words be seasoned with grace. Let your habits point to Jesus. Let your home be a place where His love is felt—because of you.
Because when we stand before God, how we used our influence in marriage will matter. And your spouse’s eternity may just be a little brighter because of your faithfulness.
Final Thoughts Friend, your influence is real. And it’s powerful. You don’t have to be perfect to make a lasting impact—you just need to be faithful with the moments in front of you.
One seed of kindness.
One soft-eyed response.
One patient, Spirit-led pause.
These small choices shape hearts, build trust, and reflect the love of Jesus. So take heart. God has entrusted you with influence, not by accident, but for a purpose. And as you lean into Him and love your spouse with intention, you are planting seeds that can grow into something beautiful—something eternal.
Love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Are you ready to take the next step in influencing your marriage for the better? Our Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc.
PPS - Wish your church had a program like this? It can! We are launching our Church Training program this Fall and are still accepting churches to participate in the pilot program. Learn more at Delight Your Marriage Church Training.
PPPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate: "There was a fair amount of discouragement, which carried over in my professional life and ministry involvements. I would not have considered leaving my wife, but hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died...[Now,] I KNOW that as intimacy grows between a husband and his wife, both are energized to do the work of the Kingdom, both shine brighter wherever they are. I have begun to feel it and see it happen!...Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!"
Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence (Formerly titled: Don't Waste Your Impact) It’s easy to underestimate just how much weight your words, actions, and attitudes carry—especially in your marriage.
But the truth is, your spouse is the person you impact most in this life. And that impact can either build up or break down. It can draw them closer to Jesus—or push them further away.
Whether you're aware of it or not, you are influencing every day. The real question is: how are you using that influence?
In today’s episode, we’re exploring what Scripture and research say about the power of marriage, how your smallest habits shape your legacy, and why taking your influence seriously could be one of the most important decisions you make—not just for your spouse, but for eternity.
Why Your Marriage Holds the Greatest Influence in Your Life Research from the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale confirms it: five of the top ten most stressful life events are marriage-related. Death of a spouse. Divorce. Separation. Reconciliation. Even getting married. All of these events shape us more than we realize—impacting not only our emotions but our physical health.
That’s why your role in your marriage is far from trivial. It’s your greatest mission field. Beyond your spouse, your children are next in line for your influence. Their spiritual formation, character, and even understanding of Jesus may start with how they see you live.
Influence Starts with the Smallest Seeds We often think influence must be grand—but it’s the consistent, daily seeds that grow lasting fruit.
Whether it’s trying to put stubborn littles to bed while keeping a joyful attitude (“count it all joy when you face trials”), or sharing a genuine compliment with your spouse that communicates admiration or safety—these small acts build a legacy.
The greatest impact comes through simple faithfulness: planting seeds of respect, encouragement, and love, again and again.
Want to Be Effective? Influence with Soft Eyes and a Gentle Tone Influence is not control. It’s not demanding. And it’s certainly not harsh.
If your heart is full of conviction, but your tone is sharp, your spouse may never hear your heart. Instead, they’ll hear rejection, judgment, and intensity. That shuts hearts down.
Instead, remember this:
- Soft Eyes
- Gentle Tone
- Slow Pace
No, it’s not an acronym yet—but it’s a powerful practice. If it matters to you, slow down. Look at them with kindness. Speak with a spirit of gentleness. Because your delivery may determine whether your words are received—or rejected.
Faith Isn’t Meant to Stay Silent—So Stop Hiding It Somewhere along the way, many of us have absorbed the idea that faith is a purely private matter. But Scripture doesn’t support that.
Paul talks openly about his prayers, his tears, his awe at God’s love. You don’t need to boast—but you do need to be real. Share how you follow Jesus. Let your spouse and your kids see that He’s not just a Sunday idea.
He’s your daily King.
Character First. Ministry Second. The Bible is clear: if you can’t manage your own household, how can you lead in the church? (1 Tim. 3, Titus 1)
Your first ministry is your spouse. Your first testimony is how you treat them when no one is watching. Your first assignment is to steward the influence God has entrusted to you—in your tone, your time, and your tenderness.
Don’t Waste the Great Gift of Influence If you’ve ever caused your spouse to spend days mulling over a harsh word, you've influenced—for harm. That matters. God has given you the ability to heal and build up—or wound and tear down.
We won’t be perfect. But we must take our influence seriously.
Let your words be seasoned with grace. Let your habits point to Jesus. Let your home be a place where His love is felt—because of you.
Because when we stand before God, how we used our influence in marriage will matter. And your spouse’s eternity may just be a little brighter because of your faithfulness.
Final Thoughts Friend, your influence is real. And it’s powerful. You don’t have to be perfect to make a lasting impact—you just need to be faithful with the moments in front of you.
One seed of kindness.
One soft-eyed response.
One patient, Spirit-led pause.
These small choices shape hearts, build trust, and reflect the love of Jesus. So take heart. God has entrusted you with influence, not by accident, but for a purpose. And as you lean into Him and love your spouse with intention, you are planting seeds that can grow into something beautiful—something eternal.
Love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Are you ready to take the next step in influencing your marriage for the better? Our Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc.
PPS - Wish your church had a program like this? It can! We are launching our Church Training program this Fall and are still accepting churches to participate in the pilot program. Learn more at Delight Your Marriage Church Training.
PPPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate: "There was a fair amount of discouragement, which carried over in my professional life and ministry involvements. I would not have considered leaving my wife, but hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died...[Now,] I KNOW that as intimacy grows between a husband and his wife, both are energized to do the work of the Kingdom, both shine brighter wherever they are. I have begun to feel it and see it happen!...Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!"
Fall in Love With Your Spouse Again: Kay’s Story Marriage is one of God’s most beautiful gifts—and one of His most powerful tools for growth and sanctification. But even after decades of love and commitment, many couples find themselves asking the quiet question:
What happened to us?
Maybe you're feeling distant from your spouse. Maybe you’re still under the same roof—but it feels like you're living parallel lives. Maybe you’ve stopped hoping things can change.
That’s where Kay was after 33 years of marriage. But her story is a powerful reminder: It is possible to fall in love again—and to restore love in a marriage that feels broken.
When You Feel Stuck in Your Marriage Kay and her husband had built a wonderful life: children, a family business, retirement, and shared dreams. But beneath it all, their connection was quietly dissolving.
Kay shared with us, “We weren’t arguing every day, but there was tension. There was distance. He finally told me, ‘If this is what the next 20 years are going to look like—I don’t want it.’”
Their marriage wasn’t hostile—but it was cold.
No more playfulness. No more laughter. And for Kay, no clear idea of what to do next.
Christian Marriage Healing Starts in the Heart One night, Kay came across our podcast. She listened to a wife share her story—and saw her own reflection in the words. That night, she played the episode for her husband.
Both of them ended up in tears.
That was the moment God began softening her heart. But what came next wasn’t a joint effort. It wasn’t couples therapy. It was one wife, taking one faithful step forward.
Kay didn’t wait for her husband to change.
She didn’t try to force him into a process.
She simply said yes to the work God wanted to do in her. And that’s what began to heal everything.
How to Save Your Marriage Alone—One Surrender at a Time There’s a common lie in marriage restoration: If my spouse won’t change, there’s no hope.
But Kay’s story offers a different story: Sometimes the most powerful transformations happen when one spouse surrenders first.
As she worked through the DYM program, she began seeing all the ways she had unintentionally pushed her husband away—through resentment, control, harshness, and silence.
“I didn’t realize how disrespectful I had become. How little admiration I showed. I had no idea how my own attitude was closing his heart off from me.”
Through prayer, scripture, and community, God began to soften her heart. And without pushing, demanding, or even explaining—it softened his too.
“He started coming home earlier. Laughing again. Helping more. And I never once asked him to.”
When you let God begin with you, healing has a way of rippling outward.
Biblical Marriage Advice for Wives Who Feel Disconnected When you’ve been married a long time, it’s easy to assume the disconnection is just part of life.
But biblical marriage advice doesn’t teach resignation—it teaches hope, humility, and the power of the Holy Spirit to change hearts.
If you're feeling distant from your spouse, here are some biblical truths and tools Kay leaned into:
- Let go of resentment. Carrying old pain closes the heart. Forgiveness opens it again.
- Replace criticism with admiration. Notice what your spouse is doing right. Thank them. Respect them—even when it feels hard.
- Spend time with God. Let His Word renew your mind and fill the empty places. Healing starts vertically before it ever flows horizontally.
- Surrender the outcome. You can’t control your spouse—but you can invite God to transform you.
“I realized this wasn’t just Christian wife marriage help—it was God restoring my identity and softening my heart.”
How to Reconnect After Years of Marriage When you've shared decades together, the idea of starting over may feel impossible.
But learning how to reconnect after years of marriage isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about allowing God to do something new with the years ahead.
Kay didn’t try to recreate her early romance. She let God build something deeper, wiser, and more joyful than before.
After 33 years, their hearts are tender again. Their home is peaceful. And their future is bright.
When You Don’t Feel Loved in Your Marriage—There Is Still Hope For so many, the pain isn’t anger—it’s loneliness.
The ache of not being seen. Not being pursued. Not feeling cherished.
If that’s where you are—when you don’t feel loved in your marriage—you are not disqualified from healing.
Kay didn’t feel loved when she started this journey. But as she learned to love God more deeply, and love her husband with grace and strength, she began to feel loved again too.
Not because she was striving. But because she was surrendered.
Christian Wife Marriage Help That Changes Everything Kay thought she was doing this program to fix her marriage. But God used it to fix something deeper: her heart.
She discovered that Christian marriage healing isn’t just about relationship tools. It’s about identity. Surrender. Courage. And the quiet willingness to say, God, start with me.
Friend, if your marriage feels cold, quiet, or disconnected—you’re not alone. If you’re longing for intimacy, peace, and laughter again—it is not too late.God is able. He is faithful. And your best years together could still be ahead.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of you Clarity Call Advisors today.
PPS - Like what you hear? Wish your church was teaching something like this? Well, it can! To learn more about the Church Training program we are developing, check out Delight Your Marriage Church Training
PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Lack of sexual intimacy and communication. No variety in sex...I felt like my wife did not care about me. I had stopped initiating and I felt discouraged...Unhappy and unfulfilled would be the best words to describe my feelings but I tried to keep the feelings buried. [Now, my wife] gives me joy that pours into our marriage, my love for God, my family and others. God is love and I can better comprehend it when I am loved by my wife. Belah has transformed my life. I will never be the same. She has given me joy, hope, confidence and the realization that it is OK to be a man!"
Forgiveness is Key to Better Relationships: Interview With Brian & Heather Mayer Forgiveness can feel like the most unfair, unnatural thing in the world. When someone has wounded you—especially someone who was supposed to love you—choosing to forgive may feel like letting them off the hook.
But Brian and Heather Mayer’s story reminds us: forgiveness isn’t about the other person’s worthiness—it’s about God’s mercy.
And it's the path to freedom, not just for them… but for you.
Why Christian Marriages Struggle With Forgiveness Heather didn’t realize how deeply unforgiveness had taken root. Even after their marriage began to turn a corner, her heart stayed guarded. She found herself stuck emotionally. The walls she had put up to protect herself were still up. And though they gave the illusion of strength, what they actually offered was isolation.
She said, “I didn’t feel like forgiving. I didn’t want to say the words. But I knew the Bible said I had to. So I chose to obey—even without the feelings.”
This is what many Christian spouses experience. You know the right thing to do, but your emotions don’t follow. And it’s tempting to wait until you “feel ready.”
But true biblical forgiveness isn’t based on emotion—it’s a decision of the will rooted in trust that God can heal what you cannot.
How Unforgiveness Destroys Connection in Marriage Brian admitted he had been prideful and blind to Heather’s needs. But what changed him wasn’t just guilt—it was God’s grace. He realized that he needed to ask for forgiveness, not just from Heather, but from their children, too.
“I had to go back and apologize, not just for being short or irritable—but for the way my behavior affected my family.”
He humbled himself, opened his heart, and began walking out a different kind of love—one marked by patience, listening, and repentance.
That humility created space for healing. Unforgiveness doesn’t just affect the person who hurt you—it poisons your heart, your communication, your marriage bed, and even your parenting.
Because where pride builds walls of resentment to isolate, humility builds bridges and invites healing.
What the Bible Says About Forgiveness in Marriage God never promised forgiveness would be easy—but He did say it’s essential.
Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Jesus modeled radical forgiveness on the cross. And He calls His followers to extend that same grace in our closest relationships—even in marriage.
Brian and Heather didn’t wait until things “felt better.” They took action. They forgave before the emotions lined up. And that obedience opened the door for healing.
Choosing to Forgive Even When You’ve Been Deeply Hurt Forgiveness does not mean:
- Forgetting what happened
- Pretending it didn’t hurt
- Ignoring necessary boundaries
But it does mean surrendering the right to punish. It means releasing bitterness so you can receive peace. It means trusting God with your pain instead of letting it define your future.
Healing Starts With Forgiveness Bitterness promises protection—but delivers bondage.
Forgiveness opens the floodgates of grace—not just for your spouse, but for you. For your kids. For your home. For your legacy.
You don’t have to live angry. You don’t have to stay stuck.
There is freedom on the other side of obedience. There is peace that replaces pain. There is joy waiting where there used to be fear.
And best of all? You don't walk this alone. The God who forgave you will empower you to forgive—again and again.
Final Encouragement: Forgiveness Is the Gateway to Freedom Brian and Heather’s story is living proof that no marriage is too far gone. That even the most painful seasons can become a testimony of God’s redemption.
Maybe your spouse has wounded you deeply. Or maybe you’re the one who’s caused the pain.
Either way, Jesus stands ready to walk you both into something new.
Today, start with one brave act of obedience: “I choose to forgive.”
Even if your hands tremble. Even if your heart still aches.
God will meet you there. And the freedom you long for is closer than you think.
Love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Check out Brian & Heather's amazing Forgiveness Course at www.lovehowdeep.com/forgiveness
[Use code DYM59 to receive the Course at the special price of $59, regularly priced at $297!]
PPS - If you're ready to bring even more healing and freedom into your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our Men or Women's Program is right for you. Prices are going up after July 18th, so make the call soon!
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I struggled with unforgiveness and bitterness, lack of joy in motherhood, emotional lability, and frequent mental trips to the past… [Now,] I am able to self-regulate my emotions better. I have gained the ability to understand my emotions and thoughts from a more objective standpoint instead of being a victim to my thoughts and emotions... I've grown in my understanding of forgiveness and how that flushes out to my everyday life… When I joined the program, I was hoping that my work would change my husband and my marriage. I didn't realize just how much work I had for my own heart!”
Exciting news!
We're extending a $500 savings on our coaching programs until this Friday.
Due to the wonderful services and support our coaching clients receive and the fact that we have maintained our coaching programs for 4 years though our services, technology, and results have improved, we are having to increase our coaching prices.
But before we do, we'd like to give you a chance to get in at the lowest opportunity it'll ever!
This is your chance to transform your marriage with our proven system before prices increase.
Sign up for a clarity call at delightym.com/cc and be part of the next transformation story.
Don't miss out on this opportunity to invest in your relationship and witness the miracles happening every day. Act now and take the first step towards a thriving marriage!
Until THIS Friday 7/14/25 sign up at: delightym.com/cc (Or if you know someone who needs this, send it to them!)
Exciting news!
We're extending a $500 savings on our coaching programs until this Friday.
Due to the wonderful services and support our coaching clients receive and the fact that we have maintained our coaching programs for 4 years though our services, technology, and results have improved, we are having to increase our coaching prices.
But before we do, we'd like to give you a chance to get in at the lowest opportunity it'll ever!
This is your chance to transform your marriage with our proven system before prices increase.
Sign up for a clarity call at delightym.com/cc and be part of the next transformation story.
Don't miss out on this opportunity to invest in your relationship and witness the miracles happening every day. Act now and take the first step towards a thriving marriage!
Until THIS Friday 7/14/25 sign up at: delightym.com/cc (Or if you know someone who needs this, send it to them!)
A Fine Marriage, Now an Extraordinary Marriage: Bart's Story Bart is a Christian leader. He’s the head of a childcare agency working with traumatized children and teens. He’s been married for nearly 20 years and has four beautiful kids.
And by his own admission?
He was tired. Burned out. Irritable. Or, in his words—“crusty.”
He wasn’t in crisis. His marriage wasn’t “on the rocks.” But it wasn’t thriving either.
And Bart knew something had to change.
Christian Leaders Get Tired, Too—But That Doesn’t Mean You Stay There One Saturday morning, Bart’s wife tried to be playful with him—and he snapped.
He didn’t mean to. He was just worn out, juggling too many roles, feeling the pressure of leadership, family, and ministry. But his wife’s gentle confrontation was a turning point.
She didn’t yell. She didn’t threaten. She just called it what it was.
And Bart—rather than shutting down—responded with humility and self-reflection. Not because he had to… But because he wanted to grow.
Why “Good Enough” Marriage Isn’t the Goal—Even for Ministry Leaders Bart described his marriage as “a 9 on a bad day.” No major fights. No betrayals. No one was threatening to leave.
But deep down, he knew something wasn’t right. The joy was fading. The connection was inconsistent. And his presence at home was… thin.
Too many leaders settle for “fine” because there isn’t obvious brokenness. But lack of crisis doesn’t mean abundance of health.
How One Christian Husband Reconnected With His Wife (and Kids) Bart didn’t just learn new tools—he let God change his posture.
He took a long, hard look at his own heart. He asked his wife, with full honesty, "Have I made intimacy feel transactional to you?"
She said no. But Bart still made changes. He apologized for things from 20 years ago. He went to his kids, one by one, and asked for forgiveness for being emotionally absent.
And the impact? Laughter returned. Confidence rose. Connection was rebuilt—at home, where it matters most.
When You Lead at Work But Struggle at Home Bart’s job requires emotional intelligence, patience, and deep listening. He gives that to kids, to employees, to families in crisis.
But when he got home?
He was depleted. He admits, “I was giving my best to strangers—not to the people who mattered most.”
The CIRQUE listening framework helped him shift. Not just in knowledge—but in behavior. He started seeing his wife again. Not as someone who was “doing fine,” but as someone he was called to serve and cherish.
Intention Without Action Won’t Heal a Struggling Marriage One of the most striking moments in Bart’s story? The first time he walked around the car to open the door for his wife in years.
She paused. Surprised.
It had been that long.
But it wasn’t about the door. It was about intentionality. About pursuit. About loving her like the daughter of the King she is.
Christian Leaders: Your Marriage Doesn’t Have to Be Broken to Be Better Friend, maybe your marriage isn’t “bad.” Maybe no one knows how empty or tired you feel. Maybe your congregation thinks everything’s fine.
But you know.
You know you’re not showing up the way you want to. You know she deserves more. You know God is calling you deeper.
Don’t wait for a crisis to choose transformation. Don’t wait for regret to become your motivation.
Start now. Invest now. Lead your home like Jesus—by going first.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - Are you ready to take the leap? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors at delightym.com/cc
PPS - Our prices are going up after July 15th! Schedule a free Clarity Call before then to save $500+ on your Coaching program.
PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: Being in ministry together and having raised 5 children under the pressure-cooker stress of the mission field, much of our life and conversation related only to family, ministry or solving "issues”…[Now,] there have been so many [celebrations] it's hard to list the biggest! I celebrate the peace in my heart that has allowed me to be non-reactive and non-explosive in some very difficult and high-tension situations…I celebrate the new playful way that we are connecting in the bedroom…I celebrate that my wife is now telling my children that "Dad is different!"
Putting God First Will Change Your Marriage If you're anything like me, you’ve found yourself caught in the swirl of responsibilities, relationships, expectations... and distractions. It’s so easy to let the noise of life drown out the voice of God.
Even in marriage—especially in marriage—it’s easy to start placing our hope in the wrong thing. And when we do that, even the good things, like marriage, can become shaky ground.
But what if the real anchor isn’t your spouse, or your role, or your routine—but your relationship with God?
Why Putting God First Can Transform Your Marriage We live in a world of constant input. Notifications, streaming, social media, endless to-dos. And if we’re not intentional, those distractions steal our attention—and with it, our peace, our purpose, and our priorities.
I've found that when I step away from it all—when I intentionally remove the distractions—I can finally hear God clearly again. Whether it's walking in nature without my phone or sitting in a quiet space with my journal, those moments of silence are sacred. They realign me.
Because when God is clear, everything else becomes clear, too.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” —Matthew 6:33
How Husbands Can Become Spiritual Leaders in the Home Husbands, you are called to lead your home—not because you have all the answers, but because God entrusted you with that role.
Leadership doesn’t mean control. It means surrender. It means taking responsibility, laying down pride, and anchoring your identity in Christ—not in your wife’s response.
If your stability is based on her reactions, your leadership will always be shaky. But when your eyes are on Jesus, you can lead with strength, consistency, and peace—even if the journey is slow.
“The wise man built his house on the rock… and it did not fall.” —Matthew 7:24-25 (paraphrased)
What Biblical Respect Looks Like for Christian Wives Wives, I get it. Maybe you feel like you’ve had to take the reins because your husband hasn’t. Maybe you feel stronger spiritually. Maybe you’re just more organized.
But leadership is about role—not ability. And when we as wives step out of our God-given role, we accidentally make it harder for our husbands to rise into theirs.
Respect doesn’t mean silence or enabling. It means honoring the role God has given him, even when it’s hard. And when you do? It makes your husband feel safe, trusted, and invited to lead.
Should I Still Respect My Husband If I Don’t Trust Him? If your husband has let you down—or worse, betrayed your trust—you might wonder: “How do I respect a man who hasn’t earned it?”
That’s real. But our motivation as believers isn’t based on someone else’s worthiness. It’s based on God’s worthiness.
You can walk in wisdom, set boundaries, and still respect the role. Because when you show honor, you’re honoring God first.
(Need more on this? Search our site for our podcast: “Respect an Untrustworthy Man”)
Why Most Marriages Struggle Without Spiritual Rhythms If you’ve been running on empty, it may be time to return to spiritual rhythms.
Daily time with God. Weekly check-ins with your heart. Monthly reflection. These aren’t just good habits—they’re lifelines. They give you clarity, patience, and power to live out your role with joy.
Even if your personality makes this hard (mine does too!), it’s worth fighting for. Your family’s health depends on your spiritual nourishment.
What “Helper” Really Means (And It’s Not What You Think) In Genesis 2, God calls Eve a “helper”—and the original Hebrew word ezer is used most often to describe God Himself as our rescuer, protector, and strength.
Wives, this means your role is powerful, not passive. You have the God-given ability to uplift, empower, and even save your husband in ways no one else can. Not through control, but through encouragement, respect, and faith-filled love.
When Leadership in Marriage Gets Out of Order The fall of man in Genesis didn’t start with an affair or abuse. It started with misplaced leadership.
Adam was present. He knew the truth. But instead of leading, he followed. Instead of obeying God, he obeyed his wife.
Men, this is your reminder: you are responsible. And women, if you want your husband to lead, you have to let go of the wheel.
Restoring biblical order doesn’t mean a power struggle—it means peace, protection, and purpose.
What to Do When You Feel Hopeless in Your Marriage You might be reading this with tears in your eyes. Maybe your marriage is hanging by a thread. Maybe you've tried everything, and nothing has worked. Maybe you’re ready to give up.
Don’t.
God sees you. He hasn’t forgotten you. And no matter how far things have gone, there is still hope. Even if your spouse doesn’t change right away. Even if it’s just you taking the first step.
Seek God first. Love your spouse like Jesus. And trust that God will do the rest.
Where there is breath in the lungs, there is hope.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS – Ready to take the next step and learn more about our Coaching Programs? We’d love to talk with you. Book a free Clarity Call today: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - To watch the full episode on YouTube, click here.
PPPS - Here's a quote from a recent graduate:
"When I started DYM, I was desperate to save my marriage. When Dana told me that I could do more than just save my marriage, but could actually enjoy it, I literally laughed at her. I had given up hope of having a happy marriage. All I wanted was to avoid divorce at all costs. Here we are a year later, expecting our third sweet baby… I did in fact, by Gods grace, do more than save my marriage!! I actually genuinely LIKE my husband!! We are happy and healing and couldn’t be more grateful. God bless DYM. Thank you for having hope for my marital happiness, even when I did not."
Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we're honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we've treated our spouse, how we've handled conflict, or the words we've spoken in frustration.
We don't always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here's the good news: God's love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship.
In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with "no regrets" in marriage — and the practical steps to get there.
You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back Let’s be honest — we’ve all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be.
But here’s the truth — God’s love washes those regrets away.
Philippians tells us to “forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead.” Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen's death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you.
Whether your regrets stem from the way you've treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God's call on your life.
The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth.
Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I’ve been there! You play out the "you always" or "you never" narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside.
But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love "believes all things" (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives.
Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to.
The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It’s painful to look back and realize we’ve done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you.
When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David's story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him.
If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn’t over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility.
Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don't even recognize when it's become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit.
Here are some signs of harshness in marriage:
- You regularly raise your voice or speak with a biting tone.
- Your family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you.
- You replay your spouse's flaws in your mind more than their strengths.
- You assume negative motives for your spouse's actions.
If that’s you — take heart! You can change. It starts with repentance, inviting God's Spirit to wash over you, and intentionally building new habits.
Building a No-Regrets Marriage: Practical Next Steps Rhonda didn’t just leave us with conviction — she gave such hopeful steps forward:
- Get in the Word Daily God's Word renews your mind. Listen to scripture, write it out, feast on His promises like daily bread.
- Find Godly Community You need women around you who love Jesus and will speak truth in love — especially older, wise women. (#OldLadiesKnowStuff — I love that!)
- Choose to Believe the Best Make it a practice to assume good about your spouse. Remember how you did that when you were dating? Let’s bring that mindset back!
- Apologize & Repair If your harshness has caused damage — humbly ask for forgiveness. Your vulnerability can open doors for healing, even if it takes time.
- Cling to God's Love First Your happiness isn’t dependent on your husband's actions — it's rooted in how deeply you believe God's love for you.
The Legacy You Build Starts Today I adored Rhonda's reminder that the home we build today — with love, forgiveness, humility — shapes our children's future marriages and their walk with God.
You don’t want to look back with regret because of harshness or pride.
But even if that's part of your story, God's grace offers a reset, starting today.
We are rooting for you! May God's kind heart move your own heart to kindness today.
God bless you!
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you'd like to check out more of Rhonda's resources (She's great, isn't she?!), podcast, and books, please visit her website: https://www.rhondastoppe.com/
PPS - If the thought of being 'the harsh spouse' made you tense up in defense ("That isn't me! Besides, I wouldn't be harsh if x, y, z...") or made you tear up knowing that it's true, we invite you to a book a free Clarity Call. Kindness, patience, gentleness, and love CAN be the first response. Your marriage does not have to be filled with criticism and harshness. Your home can be light and joyful. Let us help you. We'd love to chat: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Although on the surface, I would persuade myself I was ok, and that I was doing a good job as a husband, I knew deep down that something was wrong. My wife, though kindly and friendly (she is a lovely soul, who genuinely looks after my best interests), seemed apathetic to me at times, or unnecessarily critical...Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we’ve started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she’s begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open."
Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!) If you're a wife who feels like physical intimacy just isn’t for you... this post is for you.
Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe sex feels awkward, or painful, or even meaningless. Maybe it seems like something only he wants, and you just go along with it.
If any of that resonates, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're not alone. And there is hope.
When Sex Feels Disappointing or Painful in Marriage When I first got married, I was so excited. I had saved myself for marriage and imagined physical intimacy would be beautiful and bonding. But what I experienced instead was disappointment. It was physically painful, emotionally awkward, and deeply confusing. I felt ashamed, fat, insecure, and unprepared.
My marriage at that time eventually ended in divorce. There was no biblical reason—I just couldn’t take the strife and anxiety anymore. I was devastated. I had followed what I believed was the right path, and yet my marriage still crumbled. And then, I drifted. I walked away from God's design, from purity, and into promiscuity.
But God is a Redeemer.
In time, He gently brought me back. I met a kind, respectful man, and with him, God showed me what healthy, healing intimacy could look like. And it has been a journey—one filled with slow growth, freedom, and true pleasure.
Understanding God’s Design for Sexual Pleasure in Marriage Let’s be honest—many wives could take or leave sex. Some even hate it. And yet, God designed physical intimacy to be good—not just for your husband, but for you.
You may have grown up in purity culture, where sex was labeled “bad,” “shameful,” or “off-limits.” Then suddenly, you get married and are expected to flip a switch and enjoy it. That’s confusing, to say the least!
But what if we started thinking of pleasure the way God does? What if we saw it as a gift?
You enjoy a clean house, right? You feel at peace, relaxed, energized. That’s pleasure. So why is it so hard to believe that sexual pleasure could be just as valid, just as worthy, just as holy?
Why Christian Wives Should Value Pleasure in Intimacy God didn’t create intimacy only for reproduction or duty. He created it for joy, connection, healing, and pleasure. Even Song of Solomon celebrates sensuality—touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound.
Pleasure is part of God’s design. It doesn’t have to end in orgasm or even intercourse to be sacred. A simple act like cuddling, stripping down just to rest in your husband’s arms, or a gentle caress can be deeply meaningful. An moment where you focus on intimacy without the pressure of a “goal.” It’s healing. It’s freeing.
How to Begin Enjoying Intimacy Again—Even If You Feel Broken You don’t have to leap from disinterest to passion overnight. What if you started with just an inch in the direction of intimacy? A kiss. A caress. A flirty smile. That’s it.
Then maybe next time, a little more.
Intimacy doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s a dance. A progression. A fluid rhythm between two people who are learning how to love and be loved.
Biblical Boundaries for Sex—and the Freedom Within Them I’ve seen it time and again—wives who once hated sex now pursue it with confidence and joy. Not because they’ve become someone they’re not, but because they’ve allowed God to rewrite their story.
You don’t have to live stuck in shame, apathy, or duty.
You were made for more.
You were made for joy.
You were made to receive pleasure—and not just physical pleasure, but the peace and playfulness that come from deep connection. You can laugh, relax, and actually look forward to physical intimacy.
Even if you’re post-menopausal.
Even if you’ve been through trauma.
Even if you feel like you’re the one who’s “just not into it.”
God can change it. He’s done it in me. He’s done it in hundreds of wives I’ve coached. And He can do it in you.
With love & hope,
The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - For more information on the Connection Sessions mentioned in the podcast, check out Delight Your Marriage: Connection Sessions.
PPS - To learn more about our research on Biblical boundaries in marital intimacy, please visit Delight Your Marriage: Boundaries in Sex.
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "So much of my prayer time was trying to pray for my hubs and me and us in our marriage and lamenting over the state of our marriage...it was so hard for me to engage in intimacy with my husband...Most times I just had to turn off my heart and pray and power through, which only served to make me even more avoidant of it...[Now,] I don't feel like I need a brick wall to protect my heart from my husband...Intimacy feels like a safe place...It's not intimacy's 'for him', it's ALWAYS intimacy for 'us'."
He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story Rebekah didn’t sign up for marriage coaching.
She wasn’t looking for help. In fact, when her husband first discovered us, she politely declined any involvement. He had found the podcast and was quietly listening, learning, and applying. She wasn’t ready.
But he didn’t push. He didn’t demand. He just loved her.
And that—his sacrificial, consistent, Christlike love—is what eventually opened her heart.
When the Husband Leads and Goes First “He died to himself,” Rebekah said, describing her husband Noah’s transformation. “He was willing to love me even if I didn’t love him back.”
It didn’t happen overnight. Noah committed to the Men’s Program during Rebekah’s pregnancy, often implementing everything he learned from recordings because he was unable to attend the live Group Coaching Calls due to work.
He walked out the truth. And over time, Rebekah noticed.
“I felt deeply that he was doing that for me,” she shared. “And that softened my heart.”
Being Intimidated by Intimacy Rebekah’s journey around intimacy was painful. It was often physically painful. She didn’t enjoy it. She felt shy around it and blushed when the topic came up. She felt disconnected—from herself, from her husband, even from her own body.
She also knew what was at stake.
“Intimacy was already hard… but with kids, it could disappear completely,” she said. “I didn’t want that. For me. Or for our son.”
She began to see how her challenges weren’t just affecting her—it was impacting her family. And when she realized how her own view of her body and sexuality could shape her child’s experience, she knew something needed to change.
God Opened the Door for A Change of Heart in Intimacy “I had already been recommending DYM to others,” she laughed. “But I hadn’t done it myself. And I realized… maybe this was my turn.”
What she discovered wasn’t just practical help. It was healing.
Learning to Feel Safe One of Rebekah’s breakthroughs came in understanding safety—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
Through the program, she learned how to identify when her body was in fight-or-flight mode—and how to speak truth over herself: “My husband loves me. I’m safe. This is how he expresses love.”
By renewing her mind with Scripture and applying our tools, she started to relax, receive, and even enjoy intimacy!
And the community of women around her helped normalize what once felt foreign.
Learning Healthy Boundaries—and Becoming a Daughter One coaching call stood out above the rest. The topic was boundaries—not as walls, but as the way we act like we truly are children of God.
“I realized I wasn’t treating myself like I was God’s daughter,” Rebekah said, her voice trembling with tears. “And I needed to stop crossing boundaries in my own mind.”
That moment launched a new season in her life—one where she no longer withheld emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Instead, she began living like someone deeply loved and worth loving.
Becoming More Confident in Intimacy, Growing in Emotional Maturity, and More Here’s what she now walks in:
- Confidence in intimacy with her husband
- Emotional maturity and responsibility
- Joy rooted in Christ not circumstances
- A transformed mindset aligned with truth
- A deeper value for marriage than ever before
She even said, “Going into this, I didn’t value marriage like I do now. But I believe God can save any marriage. He did it for mine.”
Final Thoughts for If You Feel It's All Too Much... We know what it's like to feel like your marriage is hopeless. Like intimacy will never change. It will remain painful. It will remain disconnected. It will remain joyless.
We also know how it feels to be unsure of a program like this. "Will it really work for me?" "Are the testimonies actually true?" "I see it worked for them, but my marriage is different. We are too far gone."
Let us encourage you today: Your marriage is not too far gone. Yes, these testimonies, Rebekah's included, are true. And, by the grace of God, it does work and change marriages.
Your intimacy does not have to remain joyless and painful and disconnected. It can be joyful, enjoyable, and connected.
Let's end with a prayer: Heavenly Father, you know this one. You know who needed to hear this message and who needed to read these words. Father, would you bless them in their marriage. Would you bring them the healing they've been longing for. Would you give them divine patience, mercy, and grace for their spouses and divine ideas on how to love them well. Would you give them the inspiration and encouragement they need and remind them how deeply loved they are by you. In your holy name, we pray, Amen.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you want to know more about the Women's Program that Rebekah mentioned, that helped her go from dreading intimacy to looking forward to it with excitement, we have a free Masterclass available for you. Consider it a free sample! :) Check out Women's Masterclass: Intimacy Confidence to register.
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"Not being able to connect or communicate well. Very little vulnerability on both sides. Perfectionism. I felt like the kids and I could never be good enough. I could not share my heart or thoughts on something without being judged so I didn’t. Being cherished was something I tried not to think about because it felt too impossible... [Now,] I’m more confident, playful, happily and intentionally imperfect... I’ve learned to rejoice in the Lord always! I can’t believe how much has changed in our marriage just by imitation! Because I have modeled imperfection, playfulness, and being easily pleased, the tension and critiquing in our marriage and home has gone way down. We are having so much more fun!"
How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun Maybe you're a leader in your church, a high achiever at work, or a dedicated family man—but deep inside, you feel the sting of shame. Maybe it's from mistakes in your past, struggles in your present, or simply the pressure of not living up to what you think you should be.
Here’s the good news: you don’t have to carry it anymore.
Pastor Drew Hyun—lead pastor of Hope Church NYC and executive director of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship—shares how God’s love offers a radical solution. Not just theologically, but practically. In this powerful teaching, originally given to our men's community, Drew walks us through how to eradicate shame through our identity in Christ.
These truths brought tears to the eyes of many men in our program—and it’s easy to see why. Because when you truly grasp how deeply you’re loved by God, everything changes.
The Root of Shame: Why Our Identity Feels So Fragile Pastor Drew’s upbringing was marked by harsh parenting, deep wounds, and religious hypocrisy. His father—who eventually became a well-known pastor and author—was emotionally and physically abusive at home, even as he preached about how to raise a godly family.
Drew grew up trying to reconcile this contradiction, and his early life was shaped by a relentless drive to succeed, perform, and hide his struggles.
Whether you’ve experienced something similar or not, many of us understand that tension: performing on the outside while hiding pain on the inside. And when we can’t live up to the image we’ve created—shame creeps in.
But here's the turning point: our identity doesn’t come from performance or other people's approval. It comes from Christ alone.
Emotional Health Is Spiritual Maturity As Pastor Drew shared with us, "You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.”
It doesn’t matter how impressive your resume is, how many sermons you’ve heard, or how many Bible verses you know—if your wife experiences you as unloving, cold, or critical, then something is broken.
Spiritual growth isn’t just what you do in public. It’s who you are in private—especially with those closest to you.
The call to emotional health is not just self-help. It’s a discipleship issue—and a doorway to freedom.
Public Life vs. Private Life Social media, church culture, and cultural expectations often tempt us to present a polished version of ourselves. But that disconnect between our public image and private reality breeds shame.
Drew shares how discovering integrity—being whole and consistent, not perfect—transformed his life.
He uses this beautiful definition of humility, rooted in the Latin word humus (meaning grounded): “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.”
When you’re grounded in God’s love, you no longer need to perform. You can walk in truth, freedom, and consistency—the marks of a mature man of God.
Overcoming Shame Through Christ-Centered Identity Shame loses its power when you know who you are in Jesus.
Culture tells you to look inside yourself or to please your family and community. But both of those paths eventually fail.
Only God's love is unchanging.
Here’s a mantra Pastor Drew repeats often:
"In Jesus, I am fully loved, fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear."
That’s your anchor when insecurity hits. That’s your firm footing when shame comes knocking. When you remember this truth, you can stop hiding and start living.
What It Means to Be a Bold Yet Humble Christian Leader So what does healthy Christian leadership look like?
It’s not puffed-up pride. And it’s not self-defeating shame. It’s humble boldness—a leadership style rooted in identity, not insecurity.
Drew points to Jesus as our ultimate model. He is both Lion and Lamb—powerful and gentle, bold and self-sacrificing.
When your worth is secure in Christ:
- You don’t feel inferior to anyone.
- You don’t feel superior to anyone.
- You can love boldly and lead without fear.
As Drew puts it, “I don’t need to perform. I just need to show up as my honest self—and be a conduit of God’s love.”
Why Your Marriage Is a Miracle in the Making Your marriage isn’t just for your happiness—it’s a sign and wonder to the world.
Ephesians 5 calls marriage a “mega mystery” that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That means your pursuit of your wife—emotionally, physically, spiritually—is a living picture of Jesus' relentless, selfless love.
Even if things feel strained right now, even if your wife is distant or hurting—your love still matters.
Your kindness. Your self-control. Your forgiveness. Your joyful pursuit.
They point to the God who never gives up on us.
Final Thoughts: You Are Deeply Loved—Right Now You might feel like you’ve failed too much or that your shame disqualifies you from being a great husband. But that’s not what Jesus says. As Drew puts it, “You are more sinful than you dare believe. And more loved than you dare hope.”
That truth sets men free.
So if you’ve stuck your foot in your mouth, if your wife seems distant, if your spiritual walk feels stale…
Take a deep breath.
You are fully loved. Fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're ready to be discipled and join a community of men or women that are passionately pursuing Christ and His purpose their marriage, we would love to talk to you! Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more information.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't see how I could be happy with him and it was getting harder as the children became adults...Now I enjoy spending time with him...Physical intimacy is better than ever. He cares about me and I feel secure. When we come together physically, we feel closer and both of us look forward to it! I miss him when he gets busy with work and would be devastated if something happened to him."
Strength from Suffering Let me start with this: the enemy wants you to believe that when hard things happen, you're done for. You’re weaker. You’re broken. That you can’t be used by God anymore.
But that’s a lie.
The truth is—God uses the hard things. He doesn’t waste our pain. In fact, Scripture tells us over and over again that it’s through trials that our faith, character, and hope are built.
The God Who Sees You and Knows You Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages because it’s such a clear reminder: God knows everything about you.
He knows your name.
He knows what you’re up against.
He even knows the number of hairs on your head.
Not only is God all-knowing and omnipresent—but He is with you in your heartache. He understands the depths of your pain. He is not far off.
When You're Facing Trouble-Lean in, Don't Run In our home, we’ve gone through a season of back-to-back trials. Maybe you’re there too. But here’s what I’ve learned: running from pain doesn’t produce growth—leaning into it does.
Jesus promised us in John 16:33 that there would be trouble in this world. But He also promised us His peace. Not peace like the world gives—but peace in the midst of chaos.
Endurance is Grown in the Fire I want you to really let this truth soak in:
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials… for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2–4
Another translation puts it this way: “Consider it an opportunity for great joy.” – NLT
It’s not automatic joy—it’s an opportunity. A choice. A lens to see your situation through.
That’s why we need Scripture deep inside us—it reframes the pain.
What Doesn't Kill You... Can Sanctify You Yes, this is hard. But what if you started saying: “This is hard—and I love a challenge”?
God allows us to struggle so we can grow the muscles we need—just like a good father teaching a child to walk. He doesn't always swoop in. Instead, He gives us space to build spiritual endurance.
And when endurance grows? Character grows. Hope grows. That’s Romans 5. And hope, the Bible says, does not disappoint.
The Danger of Distraction in a Culture that Numbs One of the biggest traps we face in hard seasons is distraction. Social media. TV. Scrolling. Escaping.
But that doesn’t heal. It delays. It numbs.
If we want to grow in God’s strength, we must lean in. Let the Scripture simmer in our hearts. Let the pain teach us.
What is the Gift in This Situation? When things are hard, ask yourself: “What is the gift in this?”
Even if your spouse is rejecting you over and over again… what if this is the exact thing God is using to grow your spiritual resilience?
I tell my boys all the time, “You’re learning perseverance right now.”
And maybe, so are you.
You Can Grow in Love–Even When Marriage is Hard Whether or not your spouse is loving you well right now, you can still choose to lean in. You can still love. Still serve.
Did you know that your brain actually releases happy chemicals when you serve someone else?
That means if you’re hurting—serving someone can literally make you feel better.
Final Thoughts You have a choice today.
You can become bitter, cynical, disappointed in God—or you can say:
“God, I trust You. There’s something here I can’t see yet—but I know You’re good.”
We don’t get to tell God what He should’ve done. But we do get to trust that He’s a good Father.
And when we do that...
We find His peace, His presence, and His purpose—even in the midst of pain.
We are rooting for you. We know God has good things for you. And whatever is going on right now that seems to much to bear, know that God will, He WILL, use it for good.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS - If you're interested in healing your marriage and learning more about our programs, check out our FREE Masterclasses: Women's Masterclass & Men's Masterclass
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“Biggest struggles were with being unhappy, feeling hopeless about a positive future with him, not feeling accepted or seen, feeling like all he needed from me was physical intimacy and admiration but didn't care to know me or care about me. I felt unhappy and hopeless... (After Delighted Wife), I have had many celebratory moments! We are having more fun together, more intimacy in our sharing, much better physical intimacy...Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again."
Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don’t expect. That’s how Jennifer’s journey began.
She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling.
Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place.
But God.
Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn’t even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God.
Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women’s program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart.
How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her Heart One line within the program touched Jennifer’s heart: “I needed to love Jesus more than my pain.”
It wasn’t even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart.
But Jesus wanted her whole heart.
She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God’s truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness.
Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage Restored One of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer’s story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband!
“It wasn’t about frequency,” she said. “It was about connection. And now we’re truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We’re more vulnerable, more united, and more in love.”
That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed.
And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it.
How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact Parenting Jennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life.
With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself.
Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken.
Handling Conflict in Marriage Without Spiraling Jennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it “spiraling.”
This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don’t fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity.
A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her Marriage When I asked Jennifer what she’d say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith:
“There’s hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage.”
She continued:
“This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you’re emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can’t get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes.”
The Power of a Women’s Christian Coaching Community Jennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program.
“It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Women need this.”
She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment.
Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New Chapter Today, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They’ve always been best friends—but now they’re more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another.
“There’s nothing I can’t share with him now,” she said. “God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we’re living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love.”
Final Thoughts We are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step and join a community of like-minded people wanting to build their marriages God's way, we would love to hear from you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"I was on the verge of separating from my husband. Things had taken such a turn for the worse between us that life was not sustainable for me as things were going. My husband joined the program and I noticed some changes in him. Things started improving but we had a lot of healing to do; I had a lot of healing to do...We've been to several counselors before this point and my husband wasn't interested in finding another one. He had asked me to join the Delighted Wife program before but things were too broken and I was not willing to do a program that I thought was only about getting me to have more sex with him...But, after seeing him change some and knowing we needed help, I agreed to the program. While sex was a part of Delighted Wife, there were so many other areas for me to focus on first. It laid the foundation for a better and healthier relationship overall. The intimacy part follows."
If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering…
- Why don’t I want sex?
- Why does my husband want it more than I do?
- Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?
…you’re in the right place.
We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you.
In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help.
What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.”
Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal!
But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:
- Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)
- Body image issues and insecurity
- Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)
- A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict
- Shame from upbringing or purity culture
- Misunderstandings about what sex is really for
Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several.
That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault.
What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.”
And that’s biblical.
God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.
Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches:
- Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically?
- Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit?
- Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding?
- Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing?
“I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do? If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward:
-
Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here.
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Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start.
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Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.”
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Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore.
-
Communicate with Your Husband If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure.
But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.”
Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story.
If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing?
This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole.
A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey.
Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it.
Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy.
You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.”
You’re beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again.
Resources to Help You Begin If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there.
Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: Juli’s Ministry – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything
For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com
Final Thoughts You're not alone.
God is in this with you.
Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage
PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!
If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering…
- Why don’t I want sex?
- Why does my husband want it more than I do?
- Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?
…you’re in the right place.
We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you.
In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help.
What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.”
Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal!
But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:
- Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)
- Body image issues and insecurity
- Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)
- A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict
- Shame from upbringing or purity culture
- Misunderstandings about what sex is really for
Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several.
That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault.
What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.”
And that’s biblical.
God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.
Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches:
- Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically?
- Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit?
- Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding?
- Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing?
“I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do? If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward:
-
Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here.
-
Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start.
-
Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.”
-
Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore.
-
Communicate with Your Husband If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure.
But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.”
Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story.
If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing?
This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole.
A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey.
Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it.
Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy.
You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.”
You’re beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again.
Resources to Help You Begin If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there.
Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: Juli’s Ministry – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything
For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com
Final Thoughts You're not alone.
God is in this with you.
Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage
PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!
Loving Well When You Feel Down Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship.
So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted?
This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy.
Why Your Marriage Matters in God’s Eyes Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else:
- Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
- Love your neighbor as yourself.
And your closest neighbor?
It’s your spouse.
Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it’s hard.
What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage We all go through tough seasons.
- Illness
- Financial stress
- Parenting challenges
- Mental health struggles
It’s in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials.
When you're empty, don’t try to fix everything. Just focus on God’s call to love—simply and sincerely.
Here’s what that looks like:
Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church What does that mean, practically?
- Make her feel safe. Don’t push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place.
- Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list.
- Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly.
These don’t require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life’s mess.
Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy This can feel especially hard when you’re drained. But again, focus on the essentials:
- Use respectful words. Even if you’re not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.”
- Don’t argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high.
- Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn’t about obligation. It’s about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don’t initially feel it.
When You're Struggling—Love Anyway This is the path Jesus modeled for us.
We don’t love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved.
When you’re struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that’s enough.
God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience.
Final Thoughts Next time you feel like you can’t give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action.
Unity is still possible. Even when you are down.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "
Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That’s Actually Very Relevant) Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago...
Picture this: I’m flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn’t roll over me.
I’m convinced something’s stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called.
As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating.
No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened.
Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident.
What the heck happened? And what is happening now?
Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers.
The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong.
I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital.
Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :)
So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next.
But what really changed everything was the x-rays.
They finally discover the truth:
My clavicle was snapped clean through.
Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything.
I finally had clarity. I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain.
I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively.
THIS is what’s happening in the Church right now.
We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad.
But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens.
It doesn't.
Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying.
And the Church's sexual scandals are not random.
They are not "one-off" tragedies.They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing.
Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn’t Heal It If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it?
It would have actually healed wrong.Permanently damaged.Maybe even required major surgery to fix later.
The Church is at that critical moment.If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse.
That’s why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed.
Church Scandals Are Not Random Accidents The fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event.
"He must have just slipped up!""It was a moment of weakness!"
But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns.
Unchecked small compromises.Isolation.A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman.
Double lives hidden by fear and shame.Lack of sexual stewardship.
These are not random falls.These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated.
The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance Satan thrives when we stay ignorant.
When we don’t know the roots, we can't heal them.When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ.
Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks:
"In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11)
Jesus warns us:
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10)
When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:Steals faith.Kills trust.Destroys credibility.
We must be wise.We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin.
Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal Sexual sin isn’t "just another mistake."Biblically, it’s in a category of its own:
"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18)
When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound:
- Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.
- Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached.
People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself.
The wound runs deep.
But Jesus takes it seriously.
Jesus didn’t say:
"Try not to look at porn if you can."
"Lust is understandable, just don't act on it."
No.
He said:
"If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out... It’s better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29)
Jesus used extreme language because sexual sin matters that much.
We should not downplay what Jesus took so seriously.
When leaders indulge in pornography, prostitution, or affairs, they are objectifying someone God created.
That woman on a screen is a daughter of the King of Kings. A daughter who He even gave His only son to save.
Cover-Ups Are Spiritual Oxycodone It’s easier to slap a spiritual Band-Aid over a scandal than face the ugly truth.
- "Let’s quietly remove him."
- "Let’s not make a big deal; it might hurt the church’s reputation."
- "Let’s just forgive and move on."
That’s spiritual oxycodone — numbing the pain without healing the break.
Without truth and exposure, the infection worsens.The pattern repeats.More people get hurt.
Real love doesn’t ignore cancer.Real love demands we discover it and deal with it.
That's actual love.
And Exposure Alone Isn’t Enough Here's the other mistake:Thinking that "going public" fixes the problem.
It doesn’t.
Exposure without a healing plan leaves broken people bleeding in the streets.
Just like my broken clavicle needed realignment, time, careful handling and care — fallen leaders (and hurting congregations) need intentional healing journeys.
Healing isn’t automatic. It’s hard. It takes time. It takes wisdom. It takes safe people. But it’s possible.
Healing the Church Starts with Us You may be a small group leader.A volunteer.A pastor’s wife.A youth mentor.A faithful Sunday worshiper.
You are part of the Body.And when one part is sick, the whole body suffers.
We cannot afford to shrug and say, "Not my problem."
The future witness of the Church depends on believers who are awake, wise, and willing to act.
The Band-Aid Problem Let me just say it plainly:
Covering up a church scandal with "just pray for him" or "let’s not talk about it" is like slapping a Batman-themed Band-Aid on a bullet wound and sending the guy back into battle.
He's going to bleed out.
And so is the faith of everyone watching.
We need real surgery, not stickers.
What Next? What Pastors and Leaders Need If you’ve been wounded by a scandal —If you’re grieved by the hypocrisy —If you’re tired of seeing Jesus’ name dragged through the mud —
You are not alone.
Healing is possible. But it starts with exposing the real problem and walking through the hard, beautiful journey of restoration.
Lord, help us. Heal Your Church. Give us courage to see clearly and love deeply.
Be Part of the Solution: Discover through a Free Training Join me for a free training:Heal the Church: Exposing the Hidden Roots of Sexual Scandal and the Path to Healing
Let's stop putting Band-Aids on bullet holes.Let’s start real healing.
Sign up today: delightym.com/healthechurch
Healing starts with discovery.
Healing starts with understanding.Healing starts with you.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are ready to make a change in your marriage, to be free from sexual sin, to have accountability and community, we encourage you to make the call. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My self worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough. I questioned my leadership positions at work and at church, just never feeling like I was the right guy to lead... [Now,] I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God."
When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story It’s a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding.
That’s the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear.
How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick’s Life This is not just a testimony—it’s a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you.
Patrick didn’t set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn’t know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal.
But God—
Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It’s a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way.
But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light.
And you’ll hear how it happened for Patrick.
The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter Found The real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did.
Yes. Patrick’s 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages.
Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating.
That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing.
Now, he calls it a “blessing”.
The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden.” “It’ll only hurt people if you share.” and “You can fix it yourself."
But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you."
Patrick did. And his life changed.
Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession Heals But let’s rewind for a second.
Because this story didn’t begin with healing. It began with desperation.
After that discovery, Patrick didn’t know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away.
But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like.
And he offered Patrick a lifeline: “It’s not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage.”
Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn’t a sales pitch. It wasn’t about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could.
The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and Accountability That’s when the real work began.
You’ll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I’m just always going to be an addict." Because that’s not how God sees us.
Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off.
That doesn’t mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction.
But today, Patrick is walking in freedom.
Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out.
And his marriage? On it’s healing journey. Better than ever.
Not because everything’s perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus.
He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He’s leading his family spiritually. He’s serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity.
That’s the kind of freedom God offers.
Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your Heart So if you’re a husband who’s been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope.
Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband’s secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don’t know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick’s wife is living proof.
And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you’re in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don’t think you’re exempt. You’re not. And that’s okay. This is for you, too.
Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity Call That’s why I want to invite you into a free training: delightym.com/healthechurch
This training is specifically for those who want to understand how deep this issue runs in our churches—and what we can do about it. Whether you’re battling lust yourself or you’re trying to help others—this is your equipping.
You can also take the next step like Patrick did and book a free Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc
There is hope. There is healing. And it doesn’t come from trying harder or hiding longer. It comes from surrendering and allowing God to rebuild you from the inside out.
Patrick’s story is not just his own. It’s a glimpse of what God can do in any marriage, any man, any home.
Let this episode remind you: when lust no longer rules, love begins to lead.
Don’t miss it.
Listen now. And please, if this touches you—share it. You never know who’s in the dark, needing to hear there’s light.
With love,
Belah
Resources:
- Free Training: Healing the Church from Sexual Sin delightym.com/healthechurch
- Free Clarity Call: Find out if one of our programs is right for you delightym.com/cc
Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community.
I’ve walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I’ve seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey.
Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing.
On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross.
Let’s dive in.
The Cross and Your Story of Healing We all carry wounds. Some we’re acutely aware of, and others we’ve buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts.
Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame.
This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It’s about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing.
Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random.
Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin.
Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma.
Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult.
Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds.
Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles:
-
The Disengaged Family System:
- Parents were physically or emotionally absent.
- Your longing for connection was never fulfilled.
- When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known.
-
The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System:
-
Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you.
- You felt powerless and suffocated.
- Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment.
Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn’t about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It’s about gaining understanding.
Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, “You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place.”
Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free. As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we’ll finally change.
But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred.
Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity.
Ask yourself:
- Why am I drawn to this behavior?
- What is the pain underneath my actions?
- What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved?
When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain.
The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love:
Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it.
If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away.
Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power.
Swim toward the shark of shame.
Face it. Name it. And watch as it loses its grip on your life.
Jesus Took Your Shame to the Cross This is where our faith becomes not just helpful, but essential.
The world offers coping strategies, but Jesus offers complete redemption. He didn’t just take your sin to the cross; He took your shame.
Through His death and resurrection, we are invited into freedom.
If you’ve ever felt like your past disqualifies you from God’s love, let me remind you: Jesus knew your struggles when He went to the cross. He went anyway. He has already made a way for you to live in righteousness, peace, and freedom.
This is the hope of Easter. The hope of the Gospel.
From Crisis to Calling: Your Story Matters So often, the crises of our lives — the shame, the addictions, the brokenness — are actually invitations to transformation.
Jay shared that in the absence of elders to guide us through rites of passage, our souls will create crises that force us to confront our identity and our wounds.
Rather than run from the crisis, we can see it as a holy opportunity. Your struggle is not the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter.
When you engage your story with honesty and curiosity, you step into the redemption God has for you. You become part of His story of restoration — not just for you, but for others.
Final Encouragement: There Is Hope for You Dear friend, this journey is not about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about engaging your story with curiosity, leaning into the kindness of God, and walking the path of healing, step by step.
Jesus took your sin. He took your shame. And He rose again to give you new life.
This Easter, may you embrace the truth that resurrection is possible for you, too.
You are deeply loved. You are seen. You are not alone.
Happy Easter.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - Check out Jay’s book here: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing
PPS - If you want to take the first step into freedom and healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call with us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “My husband and I lived parallel lives almost our entire marriage…The only thing he wanted from me in the relationship was sex. That was the last thing I wanted to give him because I was exhausted from trying to be the super mom and head of the household. This caused a rift in our relationship…After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling…Both of our counselors questioned if a form of sex addiction might be part of the problem. I dove into trying to learn everything I could about sex addiction. I joined a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts. That program is about avoiding unhealthy sexual behaviors. I didn’t even know what healthy sexual behaviors were. After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light”
If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you.
Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can’t find your way back to each other.
They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn’t just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned.
Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and Disconnected Steven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn’t seem to stick in their day-to-day lives.
They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers.
It’s hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you’re destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be.
Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to Change What began to open things up wasn’t what Steven expected.
He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting.
And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn’t want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well.
There’s something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it’s the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that’s exactly what happened for Steven.
How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your Marriage What truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along.
For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife’s responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself.
That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer.
Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change.
Learning to Communicate Better in Marriage Steven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other’s toes.
When you don’t know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging.
But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so.
Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful.
Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger Marriage What I find so deeply inspiring about Steven’s journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn’t cling to pride. He didn’t stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself.
That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage.
And it’s a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that’s more beautiful than we could have imagined.
What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After Healing Today, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what’s different now is how they handle them.
What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They’ve learned to recognize when they’re drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection.
Their marriage isn’t just surviving anymore. It’s thriving. There’s joy. There’s intimacy. There’s a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship.
It’s a miracle of grace, truly.
There Is Hope for Your Marriage, Too Friend, if you find yourself where Steven once was—tired, discouraged, wondering if things will ever change—I want you to hear this clearly: there is a way forward.
Take courage. Let hope rise in your heart. Open yourself to the possibility that the story isn’t over—and that the next chapter could be more beautiful than you’ve imagined.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - Want to know more about the current health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to discover your Marital Health score and receive further insight on next steps.
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: “Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me…Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us.”
How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you?
That’s exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality.
I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear.
Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold.
What Does It Mean to Be a “Good Sexual Man”? Sam shared how the term “good sexual man” often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is “very sexual,” we usually don’t take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe?
Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness.
He said, “The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart.”
Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality.
Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around “behavior management”—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not?
But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions:
What kind of lover am I?Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it’s also about being wounded?
This is not about making excuses—it’s about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well.
Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman’s Body This part of our conversation brought me to tears.
Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife’s naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence.
What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for.
And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn’t about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It’s about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship.
Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong Man Jesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint.
But He also wept over the death of His friend.
He was moved with compassion.He made excellent wine for a wedding!
And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume.
Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn’t run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same.
Sex as Play, Not Pressure One of my favorite parts of Sam’s book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!)
In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word “play” to describe their intimate interaction. Not “duty.” Not “obligation.” Not even “intercourse.” Just play.
How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance?
When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer.
We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally.
A Message to Men Carrying Sexual Shame Sam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating.
The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence.
But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you.
As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it’s also your wounding.
And it was wounding.
If this is you, you’re not alone. And you can heal. God makes all things new.
Final Thoughts: Why Every Husband (and Wife) Should Read This Book Sam’s book isn’t just another marriage resource. It’s an invitation to men to become whole, godly, good sexual beings—men who integrate their strength with their heart, their sensuality with their faith, and their desire with deep love and awe of glory.
And wives—if your husband reads this book, I believe you’ll feel more seen, more cherished, and more pursued than ever before.We hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to take in the beauty around you, stand in awe of God, experience the sensuality and sexuality that God gave you (that was purposefully designed, not a mistake!), and experience the fullness of God in your relationship with your spouse.
You can get The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality wherever books are sold. (And there’s currently a buy one, get one free on the website so go now!) samjolman.com
Sam Jolman is a lover, father, therapist, and writer, generally in that order. His newest book, The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, has already received rave reviews, including a review and foreword from author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart). Sam also writes regularly on Substack and offers live monthly discussions with subscribers on topics like Christian sexuality, masculinity, healing from shame, and more.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you're interested in learning more about our Masculinity Reclaimed program, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/programs/ or schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc
PPS - In case you missed it, we launched our social media channels last week! You can now get extra Delight Your Marriage content as you go about your week! Yeah, we're really happy about it too :) Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube, and say hello!
The day has arrived! We are officially on social media! And we can't wait for you to see what we have for you! Follow Us & Subscribe on: Instagram, Facebook, & Youtube Now, on to the podcast!
Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility If you’ve been listening to the Delight Your Marriage podcast or reading these blogs for a while, you know I don’t take marriage lightly. And if you’re a follower of Jesus, I want to lovingly remind you: your marriage is a spiritual responsibility.
This isn’t just about your personal happiness or even your kids’ well-being—though those matter deeply. No, the success of your marriage speaks volumes to everyone who knows you, especially those who know you’re a Christian.
Why Your Marriage Is Bigger Than You Think about it: if people know you follow Jesus, but your marriage falls apart, what does that say about the relevance of Jesus in your life? About the Bible? About the power of God?
Yes, divorce is painful for the children—but it’s also painful spiritually for everyone who witnesses it. We’re supposed to be making disciples of all people, right? So when our marriage breaks down, we’re tarnishing the very witness we’re meant to live out.
I say this from personal experience. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I carry that pain and regret. It wasn’t a biblical divorce—I had to plead the blood of Jesus over it. But I’ve repented, I’ve been forgiven, and now I’ve made a decision: I will never again allow my marriage to dishonor the name of Jesus.
I want the same for you.
It’s Time to Prioritize Marriage—for the Gospel If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance your faith is already strong. You want biblical answers, not pop psychology. Thank you. If I can help you have a great marriage, your work for the Kingdom becomes that much easier.
But let’s be real. Marriage is hard. It’s easy to get selfish. It’s easy to get frustrated with your spouse being a messy, imperfect human (just like we are!). But we can’t stay in that space. We’ve got to pull ourselves out of our self-centeredness and serve.
Husbands, Scripture calls you to die for your wife. Wives, we’re called to submit to our husbands. I know—it’s not easy. Believe me, I don’t like that verse either. I’ve struggled with being a controlling wife. But control is rooted in fear. And fear means I’m not trusting God.
When both spouses choose to obey God, not based on their spouse’s actions but based on God’s call—that’s where transformation begins.
We’re not left wondering what marriage is supposed to be. God gave us His Word. It’s the most printed, most transformative book in human history. You don’t have to guess what it means to be a godly husband or wife—it’s all there.
Marriage: God’s Tool for Healing Your spouse can hurt you the most—or they can be the very instrument God uses to heal you the most. I’ve lived both. And I want to be the kind of wife who makes my husband’s meeting with Jesus even better because he was married to me.
What if that was your motivation? That your love could heal your spouse. That your encouragement could empower them into God’s purpose for their life. That your gentle presence could become their safe space in this tough world.
That’s the kind of love Jesus shows us—and the kind we’re called to give.
Love Your Spouse the Way They Receive Love This is one of our core teachings at DYM: love your spouse the way they receive love. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means not giving chocolate ice cream if they love vanilla. It means learning what makes them feel safe, respected, cherished.
Husbands need to feel safe, known, and cherished. Wives need to feel respected, admired, and pursued in wholehearted sexual intimacy.
(If you’d like to learn more, we break this down in our free framework at delightym.com/framework. It’s an amazing starting point to grow in loving your spouse practically and biblically.)
Growth Is the Goal Friend, you didn’t find this blog because you’re failing. You’re here because you want to grow. And that’s beautiful. That matters. Don’t give up on the hard days when it feels like no one sees your effort. God does. He sees every unseen act of love, every sacrifice, every decision to forgive.
We don’t get to skip the suffering. Jesus didn’t. Paul didn’t. In fact, suffering is often God’s tool for growth, purification, and transformation.
But you don’t have to do this alone. There’s help. There’s hope. And there is healing.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to learn more, we recommend you take our Marital Health Assessment. It is a free assessment that gives insight on your Marital Health and what we recommended as next steps based on your Marital Health score.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I love life and am dreaming again because God has bought healing to my marriage. It’s like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to Go/Green again... I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."
Hi friend,
This one’s pretty personal.
After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we’re finally stepping into a new chapter. (I’m still kind of holding my breath saying that.)
In today’s episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of:
- Why I stayed off social all these years (and it’s deeper than just “not liking it”)
- The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret
- Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision
- How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads
And most importantly—why we’re trying social media now.
But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day.
Tomorrow (Friday), we’ll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world.
For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it.
With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement, Belah
P.S. I won’t be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That’s how this whole thing started in the first place. :)
Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths If you’re anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to “save yourself,” and by God’s grace—you did.
But now you’re married. And... what gives?
Why is this thing that’s supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong?
Friend, I get it. I was right there with you.
Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After Marriage See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That’s clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn’t clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding.
We weren’t told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren’t told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren’t told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He’s not shocked by desire. He created it.
Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages.
My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to Intimacy I didn’t grow up having “the talk.” There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn’t shake for many years.
And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn’t know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn’t have so many desires. I didn’t understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth.
But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it’s for unity. That it’s for mutual joy. That “May you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it’s God’s idea.
When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a Gift Even with this new desire, I still didn’t (and still don’t!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of “duty sex”. Yes, I know what that’s like. I’ve done it. I’ve gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that’s not God’s best. That’s not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage.
When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn’t “in the mood” at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It’s a spiritual gift.
Are Your Sexual Boundaries From God—or Just Tradition? One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren’t from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren’t in the Bible—they’re just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding.
I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn’t micromanage how you express love with your spouse.
God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it.
Let’s stop walking past the “sunset” He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let’s slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty.
How to Heal From Sexual Shame and Embrace Freedom Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight.
And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, “Wow, thank you, God”?
Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you.
Final Thoughts Sweet sister, I’m so proud of you. You’ve already taken a step by reading this far. Don’t stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today's episode, check out our Amazon page. All three are available now!
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my "wishlist" of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God's message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel "lighter" but I've seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband."
Her Marriage Was "Dissolving", Now It's Saved & Growing: Kalee's Story Before she began the Delighted Wife program, Kalee was in a place of deep discouragement. She and her husband, Chris, had been married for eight years, built a beautiful family together, and yet, they felt utterly lost. Their marriage was dissolving, and hopelessness had settled in.
She didn’t see a way out.
But God did.
In His divine intervention, Chris was introduced to the program through a friend who had experienced transformation in his own marriage. Chris took a step of faith, signed up for the program, and invited Kalee to do the same. What she didn’t realize was that the biggest transformation wouldn’t just be in her marriage—it would be in herself.
Finding Confidence, Finding Herself Kalee entered the program believing that her marriage was the only problem. But as she journeyed through the teachings, she came to see something deeper. She lacked confidence. She didn’t understand her worth. She had been seeking validation in others, rather than allowing God to restore her from the inside out.
Through the program, Kaylee began to see how deeply God loved her, how valuable she was, and how her identity wasn’t defined by the struggles of the past.
And as she changed, so did her marriage.
A Marriage Restored Kalee and Chris both went through the program separately, which turned out to be a gift. After years of couples’ therapy, they found that what this program allowed them to do was heal separately rather than working together.
Instead of coming at each other with blame, they were each able to focus on their own growth, healing, and the changes they personally needed to make.
The result? A marriage that was once on the brink of destruction was now filled with trust, forgiveness, and connection. The barriers of past hurts were broken down, and they began to see each other through fresh eyes.
Kalee describes it as the first time in years she didn’t feel fear lingering in her mind about the future of their marriage. She and Chris were finally on solid ground, and for the first time in a long time, they had peace.
A Ripple Effect of Joy in Her Home But this transformation didn’t just stay between Kalee and Chris—it overflowed into their home. Their children, especially their oldest daughter, began to experience the difference.
Their daughter, who had been cautious and unsure about marriage because of what she had witnessed in their home, was now talking about her own future as a wife and mother. In her playtime, she began to play “Mom” and “Wife”, something that Kalee had never seen before.Where once there was tension and uncertainty, now there was joy. She saw her parents in a new light—loving, affectionate, and truly connected.
There is Hope for You Maybe you find yourself where Kalee once was. Maybe you feel hopeless, uncertain, and afraid that your marriage won’t survive. But let me encourage you—God is still in the business of restoring marriages. He still brings beauty from ashes. He still makes all things new.
If Kalee’s story resonates with you, I invite you to take a step toward healing. Don’t let fear or hopelessness hold you back. Your marriage can be transformed. Your home can be filled with peace and joy. It starts with taking that first step.
God bless you on your journey.
He is able, and He is faithful.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you're ready to take the step that Kalee made, schedule a free Clarity Call here. Not quite ready for that yet? Take our free online Marital Health Assessment to learn more about the current health of your marriage and next steps to take.
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I feel so much more joyful. I have learned how to be playful and silly again…I am growing in my understanding of my value based on Christ's righteousness, not my own accomplishments. My eyes have been opened to many areas where I am Martha instead of Mary…I have so much more hope for the future…We are a more joy-filled family…there is HOPE and we are healing!”
Getting out of your bed in the morning requires motivation. Doing your work requires motivation. Sacrificing for your spouse the way God asks us to, requires motivation. You may be motivated by external forces like your boss, achieving certain bank account numbers, or a personal feeling of accomplishment. Those aren't necessarily bad. But if you're having trouble with motivation for the things that are most important in your life: God, marriage, kids... this episode is for you. There are two encouragements Jesus gives us that can really help with your motivation to do what is most important: 1- The parable of the Three Servants (Matt 25: 14 - 28) 2- Come to me and I will give you rest -- the burden I give you is light (Matt 11: 28 - 30) The parable talks of three servants entrusted with money while the master went on a long trip. One was entrusted with 5 bags of silver, another with 2 bags of silver and the last with 1 bag of silver. When the master returned, two of the three had "worked" and "invested" which doubled their silver. But the servant with just 1 bag didn't even try. He was in self-pity, covetousness and fear. The master called him wicked and lazy. May we not fall into the trap of a - Self-pity: aka pride, because we SHOULD have a better circumstance. God SHOULD have given us better. b - Covetousness: looking at someone else's perceived lot in life and crave it c - Fear: Our perspective of God is harsh and unfair so we are paralyzed to try. Instead, let us look forward to hearing our master's praise. Let us be motivated by the anticipation of seeing God on that day say "well done!" and lavish praise on us for doing what He has asked us to do with what He has entrusted to us. If this feels like such a heavy weight right now, I want you to be encouraged by the second portion of scripture where Jesus invites us to come to Him with our burdens. And learn from Him. And gain insight on what He ACTUALLY is asking of us. Not to carry the whole world -- but to gain insight into what His burden for us to carry actually is -- which Jesus says "is light". Come to Him with your burden. Don't let the enemy tempt you with self-pity, coveting, or fear. Instead, come to Jesus and gain His strength so you can hear "Well done! Good. Faithful. Servant". In the episode, I give practical outworkings of all of this and I hope it's an episode that will give you a pep in your step and a zing of motivation to do what God is asking of you in your relationship with Him, in your relationship with your spouse and those entrusted to your care. Love and Blessings, Belah
Do you hate making mistakes?
If you’re anything like me, you probably hold yourself to really high standards.
If you’re a Jesus follower, you’re actually called to be perfect as He is perfect.
But because you're not Jesus, you will fail.
So, what happens when you mess up?
Do you feel like a failure, try to run away, numb the pain, isolate, ignore, do some negative/sinful addiction (porn/drinking/eating...) just to stop feeling the terrible failure-feelings?
The problem is, even though we know we’re saved by His sacrifice, we often still struggle with shame and guilt for our mistakes.
But here’s the truth: understanding mistakes the right way can change how we view them, how we can grow from them and how they make us feel when they inevitably will happen.
Mistakes generally fall into three categories:
- Mistake: Rebellion– When mistakes become a pattern of intentional sin consistently. This requires a lot of focus and all the advice given in #2, below.
- Mistake: Sin – When we go against God’s Word, we need to humbly own, repent and turn back to Him. AND from that, we get to be washed by His amazing sacrifice.
- There may need to be actions taken to repair the situation of others involved or you need to find healing for yourself so these sins won't happen again.
- But because of Jesus, the actual guilt has now been paid for by the only one who can pay for sin -- someone sinless -- Jesus.
- So you no longer need to take the punishment of the shame/guilty feelings anymore.
- Action does need to happen to rectify the situation, and let any negative feelings motivate you to put the structure, healing process, boundaries, people, community, in place to walk in freedom and righteousness.
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Mistake: Wisdom – These are simply errors in judgment, strategy or approach. It's essentially making a mistake in walking out wisdom. A lot of times we know better and we can't seem to get ourselves to do the wise thing every time.
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It's not an outright sin, as clarified Biblically. It just was kinda dumb (yeah, I know the feeling well.) Or you realized later how you made someone else feel and realized you did the wrong thing. Or maybe you didn't so something as perfectly as you expect of yourself and you feel ashamed.
- Even though maybe it wasn't capital S, "Sin", it can make you feel just as failure-like as if you DID something horrible. As if you ARE something horrible.
- The sad part is, sometimes that failure-feeling can make us want to run so bad that we metaphorically run and actually do something horrible (an real Sin: porn, addiction, rage... fill-in-the-blank SIN).
But what if we didn't HAVE TO strive to achieve in perfection?
What if we didn't HAVE TO strive to meet our incredibly high (non-sin) standards OR feel like a failure? And our Sin standards don't change. The solution? Well, my solution is this... instead of feeling like a failure, aim to be 80% on point in the Wisdom Category. That way, you’ll stay motivated and keep improving in living out wisdom without getting stuck in discouragement/feeling-like-a-failure. You'll get A LOT farther this way in every area of life than you would being "perfect" for a while then super discouraged (maybe even dropping into some Sin) and on and on the cycle goes. And sadly... often people just get so tired and give up and accept hopelessness. Here's the plan regarding mistakes: Keep high standards on righteousness issues, try hard to meet them---lean on Jesus for His perfection and sacrifice when we Sin. Have high standards on Wisdom things, but when we make mistakes be really happy if we aren't making that mistake 80% of the time. When you handle mistakes in the right way, they actually help you move forward instead of holding you back. I dive deeper into this in today’s episode, and I think you’ll find it really encouraging—because if you’re anything like me, you’ve made plenty of mistakes.
And the good news? God has so much hope for you, and every single mistake has value.
Here at Delight Your Marriage, we’ve seen so many marriages transformed by God’s grace—couples who never thought they could feel close again, now thriving in ways they never imagined.
But here’s the thing… what if we could help the next generation BEFORE they get married? What if they had the tools and the wisdom now, so they don’t have to struggle the way so many of us did?
Setting the Example of a Beautiful Marriage Before we can guide the next generation, we need to make sure our own marriages are solid. Let’s be real—kids don’t just listen to what we say, they watch what we do. If they see love, respect, and joy in our marriages, they’ll want that for themselves. But if they see stress, distance, and unhappiness, they’re going to wonder if marriage is even worth it.
So, if your marriage needs some healing, that’s the best place to start. Don’t wait. Your marriage is your greatest testimony to your kids.
The World Is Confusing—We Need to Speak Up First The world is LOUD when it comes to relationships, identity, and marriage. If we’re not having these conversations with our kids early and often, they’re going to learn from someone else… and that’s usually not going to be a source of truth.
Here are a few key things we need to be talking about:
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Helping Them Know Their Identity in Christ We live in a world that tells kids they need to “find themselves” by looking inward. But that leads to so much confusion! They need to know—without a doubt—that God made them exactly as they are, on purpose. We have to be proactive in these conversations, helping them stand firm in their identity before the world really tries to confuse them.
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What Marriage Is REALLY About Marriage isn’t just about being happy—it’s about fulfilling God’s purpose for your life together. So many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and get hurt because they didn’t know what to look for in a spouse. Let’s help our kids understand the beauty and purpose of marriage before they start dating, so they can make wise choices!
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Setting Healthy Boundaries in Dating Our kids are bombarded with messages that say, “Do whatever feels good,” but that’s not wisdom! We need to help them understand that sex is a GIFT—but it’s meant for marriage. That doesn’t just mean telling them, “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” It means giving them the tools and the why behind making those choices. When they understand the wisdom behind God’s design, it makes it so much easier to live it out.
Practical Help for Young Adults Navigating Dating One of the hardest things for young people is knowing how to date wisely. That’s why we created our Pre-Dating Workbook and Video Course! It’s packed with a clear vision for a God-honoring life and marriage, the four stages of pursuing a spouse (and the mistakes to avoid!), practical skills for meeting and discerning a future spouse, guidance on setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries, and more.
If you have a son, daughter, niece, nephew, or someone in your life who is dating or thinking about it soon, this resource is for them! Check it out at delightyourmarriage.com/dating
Providing Joy and Wisdom in Your Own Home
The key to influencing the next generation is NOT about forcing rules on them—it’s about showing them something better. Jesus attracted people to Him because He was full of joy and truth. That’s how we need to be! If we want our kids to listen to us, we need to be a source of joy, truth, wisdom, and peace in their lives.
Equipping the Next Generation for Stronger Marriages We can’t sit back and hope our kids figure it out on their own. They need us to guide them, to give them resources, and to speak truth in love. If you feel a stirring in your heart, take action. Strengthen your own marriage as a testimony to them, start having open, honest conversations about love, identity, and marriage, equip them with practical tools like our Pre-Dating Workbook and Course.
Let’s raise up a generation that is confident in who they are, wise in how they date, and strong in their marriages. And most of all—let’s be praying for our kids. This is a battle, but God is greater. Thank you for being part of this. We’re in it together!
Love,
Belah & Team
I recently had the incredible opportunity to be a guest on Gary Thomas’ podcast. If you’ve been around Delight Your Marriage for a while, you know what a dear friend Gary has been to this ministry. Not only is he a best-selling author and speaker, but he’s also been so generous in inviting us to share on his platform in the past.
And this time? I got to be part of a panel alongside two truly amazing women:
Juli Slattery—President and Co-Founder of Authentic Intimacy and author of several life-changing books, including God, Sex, & Your Marriage and Rethinking Sexuality.
Debra Fileta—Creator of the #1 faith-based relationship advice blog TrueLoveDates.com and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life and Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love (among many others).
We came together for a powerful discussion about helping wives awaken to intimate pleasure—such an essential and often overlooked topic. The wisdom and insights from these women were just incredible, and I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation.
Here were some key takeaways from our panel discussion:
The Challenge of Awakening Sexual Fulfillment For so many women, the journey toward enjoying sex in marriage isn’t a simple switch—it’s a process. If you've spent years saying "no"—whether because of purity culture, past wounds, or just never learning that sex is a gift—it makes sense that "yes" doesn’t come easily. And you are not alone in this!
How Husbands Can Help Their Wives Awaken to Pleasure Men, you’ve likely never been discipled in how to help your wife step into her own sexual enjoyment. Many husbands enter marriage assuming their wife will naturally embrace sex, but the reality is, she may feel lost, hesitant, or even afraid. This is where your role as her safe place matters deeply.
Here are some questions that Debra suggested as conversation starters on sex:
- What’s something you're looking forward to in our sex life?
- What’s something that makes you nervous or unsure?
- What beliefs about sex do you want to hold onto, and what do you want to let go of?
Overcoming the Weight of Purity Culture Many women who "did everything right" and waited for marriage still find themselves struggling. Why? Because purity culture often framed sex as something to avoid, not as a gift to embrace.
As Juli Slattery puts it, "Just because I waited, doesn’t mean I know how to start." That’s the truth. And if this is you, grace upon grace, my friend.
Sexual wholeness isn’t about following a list of dos and don’ts. It’s about stepping into the fullness of what God has given and allowing Him to reframe any distorted views we carry.
The Power of Emotional & Spiritual Connection Debra Fileta says, "What you do above the sheets paves the way for what happens under the sheets." I could not agree more. Emotional and spiritual safety fuels physical intimacy. Husbands, if your wife doesn’t feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished, her body won’t naturally respond to you with desire. So, before you think about sex, think about:
- Playfulness in everyday life (it builds intimacy!)
- How you affirm and admire her body
- How well she feels known and cherished by you
It’s Not About You, It’s About Her A massive shift for many husbands is realizing that sex in marriage isn’t just about "getting my needs met." If your wife doesn’t feel safe, it’s no wonder intimacy feels like a duty rather than a desire.
You have an opportunity to disciple your heart in a new way. Instead of seeing your wife as the "acceptable outlet" for your sexual needs, ask: "How can I be the safest place for her to enjoy intimacy?"
When she feels safe, she will want to engage. Not out of obligation, but because she feels free to.
How to Move Toward More Desire in Marriage Wives, rather than wondering and praying, "Why am I broken?" for not wanting intimacy, instead ask, "How can I cultivate a desire for intimacy?"
Some ideas:
- Non-sexual sensual touch with no pressure
- Playfulness in your daily life (This is huge!)
- Embracing a "turning a dial" rather than "flipping a switch" approach to intimacy
Addressing Past Trauma & Emotional Wounds
Even in strong marriages, past sexual trauma or unhealthy conditioning can affect intimacy. And let’s be real: just having a great marriage doesn’t mean sex will be effortless. For some, the body’s response to past wounds will still show up. That’s okay. It’s part of the journey.
Healing takes time, patience, and sometimes outside help. If this is part of your story, give yourself permission to process what’s needed.
The Role of Faith & Hope in Sexual Fulfillment God is a God of hope. If your marriage has felt disconnected, there is hope. If you’ve never truly enjoyed sexual pleasure, there is hope.
Your story isn’t over. Pursue wholeness—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—and trust that intimacy can be more fulfilling than you ever imagined.
Final Thoughts * Husbands: Emotional and spiritual intimacy first, pleasure follows. * Wives: You are not broken. Your pleasure matters. * Both: Intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Keep taking steps, and trust that God is working in it all.
Friend, you are not alone. Your marriage can grow, your desire can awaken, and your intimacy can thrive. Keep leaning in, keep growing, and keep trusting that God has more for you than you even realize.
Be blessed!
Love,
Belah & Team
At Delight Your Marriage, we have the incredible privilege of witnessing God’s transformative power in marriages every day. Today, we are beyond honored to share Amy’s story—a testimony of healing, restoration, and redemption.
How a Podcast Sparked a Transformation in Amy’s Marriage Amy first discovered our ministry through the podcast, and in one particular episode, she felt deeply convicted about her role as a wife from a biblical principles perspective. As she listened, one question struck her to the core:
“When we stand before Jesus, will we be able to say that we loved our husbands well, or will we have a list of excuses?”
That moment of conviction was a pivotal turning point and led Amy to take a hard look at the patterns in her marriage.
Breaking the Cycle of Hurt and Rejection Amy realized her marriage was trapped in an exhausting cycle of hurt and rejection. When her husband expressed frustration or hurt, she would respond by shutting down and shutting him out—including the area of physical intimacy. This rejection only deepened his pain, which in turn caused more outbursts, pushing them further apart.
Round and round they went.
Amy knew something had to change.
Seeking Help: A Life-Changing Clarity Call That’s when she reached out and scheduled a Clarity Call, where she was introduced to the heart of our coaching approach. Through the program, she came to a powerful realization: she had been so focused on her pain that she hadn’t stopped to consider what loving him well actually looked like.
She learned that, regardless of her husband's actions, she was responsible for her own mindset and behaviors. This mindset shift was the beginning of a profound transformation.
Embracing Gratitude Practice, Letting Her Husband Lead, and Aligning Family Dynamics Her first big shift? Gratitude.
Instead of seeing her husband’s contributions—like fixing things around the house or maintaining their cars—as expectations, she began to recognize them as gifts. This simple but profound change softened her heart.
She also felt convicted about how she had unknowingly taken control of their marriage and family decisions. Deep down, she wanted him to lead, but she had been the one steering the ship.
So, she changed course.
Through personal growth, she learned to step back and allow him to take his God-given role as the leader in their home.
And little by little, things changed.
The Power of Forgiveness and Apology As Amy continued to grow, she felt convicted about her past actions. She humbled herself and apologized to her husband for ways she had contributed to their struggles. This act of forgiveness and vulnerability created space for genuine healing.
Over time, she witnessed a shift—not just in herself, but in her husband and their marriage as a whole. The relationship healing was undeniable. We were so moved by what she shared with us: “The Lord specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost.”
A Testament to God’s Restoration and Redemption Today, Amy’s marriage looks entirely different. The patterns of hurt and rejection have been replaced by love, intimacy, and a renewed sense of partnership. Praise God!
God is absolutely still in the business of restoration and redemption, and we are so honored to witness His work in marriages like Amy’s. Let her story be a reminder that God redeems, he restores, and He can change things.
Be blessed!
Love,
Belah & Team
I have been a long time fan of Nathan Rittenhouse and his work at Thinking Out Loud Together and today, I had the incredible privilege of sitting down with Nathan Rittenhouse for our podcast!
Nathan is a speaker, apologist, and co-founder of Thinking Out Loud Together. Our conversation today was filled with rich insights about intimacy, humility, integrity, and the way marriage fits into God's grand design. I truly can’t wait for you to hear it!
There’s so much to unpack, but here are some of the biggest takeaways from our conversation:
The Bigger Purpose of Marriage: Building a Legacy That Lasts
Nathan shared how his perspective on marriage has been deeply shaped by the generations of faithful, steady relationships in his family. He reminded us that marriage isn't just about two people—it impacts generations. "What will my descendants 200 years from now say about the type of life I lived?" he asked. This long-term vision is something I would encourage every reader and listener to think about.
We often get so caught up in the day-to-day struggles of marriage, but when we zoom out, we see that every choice we make—every act of love, every moment of kindness, every decision to honor our spouse—ripples out for generations. What an incredible reason to be intentional about how we love, respect, and serve in our marriages!
Intimacy as Worship: God’s Design for Physical and Emotional Connection One of the most powerful themes we explored was how intimacy—yes, physical intimacy—can actually be an act of worship.
Nathan pointed out that God designed the physical world—including our bodies—as good.
And when we engage in intimacy within God’s design, it’s not just a physical act—it’s a deeply spiritual one. It’s an opportunity to delight in God’s creation, to experience His love, and to reflect His heart. Instead of something to be endured or achieved, it becomes something to celebrate—a way to glorify the Lord.
Sexuality & Integrity: Practicing Spiritual Discipline in Private
Nathan emphasized that our true selves are revealed in private moments.
He highlighted Jesus’ words in Matthew 6, where He speaks about the Father rewarding what is done in secret. And that’s so important when it comes to things like purity, faithfulness, and battling temptations like pornography.
True integrity means being the same person in private that we present in public. Or as Nathan said, “Preach what you practice”, not just practice what you preach, but actually live with such integrity that your life naturally becomes the message.
The Power of Male Friendships: Emotional Support & Community for Men
Nathan and I also talked about something that’s so often overlooked: the power of godly male friendships.
He pointed out that a lot of men struggling in their marriages—whether it’s loneliness, unmet expectations, or just feeling stuck—often lack deep, strong friendships with other men. And part of the problem is that our culture has sexualized everything- including strong, male friendships- making it difficult for men to form those healthy, meaningful bonds.
But here’s the thing: God designed men to need other men in their lives. Just like women thrive when they have strong female friendships, men need brothers—not just surface-level friendships, but real, deep, iron-sharpening-iron relationships.
Christian Hope in Marriage: Finding Strength in God’s Design
We also discussed that unity in marriage is a byproduct of a shared focus on Christ. Unity in marriage isn’t found by fixing our eyes on each other—it’s found by fixing our eyes on Christ.
When we try to make our spouse the center of our world, things get out of balance. But when we prioritize our relationship with God, everything else—including our marriages—falls into its rightful place.
Encouragement for Those Struggling: Finding Strength in God’s Love And finally, for those feeling discouraged—whether it’s low intimacy, unmet expectations, or loneliness—Nathan left us with this powerful reminder:
Our ultimate satisfaction must be in Christ.
Marriage is a gift. But it was never meant to replace our deepest need—to be fulfilled in God’s love.
If you’re struggling right now, know this: God sees you. He loves you. And He is the one who fills the deepest places of your heart.
Thank you again, Nathan, for this incredible conversation, for your joy in the Lord, and the deep, valuable insights you’ve shared with us! This conversation was truly such a gift.
And to you, dear listener and dear reader- may this conversation bless you, inspire you, and remind you of how deeply the Lord loves you.
Blessings,
Belah & Team
PS - Want to hear more from Nathan? Check out his podcast, Together Out Loud
https://toltogether.com/podcast, and the Thinking Out Loud Together website for more. https://toltogether.com/
PPS - If the idea of a family with no drama seems like a far off dream, or the thought of your private life being revealed in public brings thoughts of shame and hopelessness, we want you to know… there is hope. Give us a call: delightym.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways… I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible.”
This episode is a Re-Release, formerly titled: If You Only Knew His Love We hope it blesses you now as it blessed you then!
---------------------------------------------------------------- When I look back on my life—when I see what is currently unseen—when I see Jesus face to face—when all has been revealed…
I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.
God’s Care for Every Living Thing The Bible says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." (Matthew 6:26)
Yesterday, I was at the park, watching birds flitting around, this way and that. And yet, the God of the universe cares for them. So much so, He FEEDS the birds!
If He cares so deeply for the birds, how much more does He care for you and me?
God Is Intimately Involved in Your Life He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is providing far more than you may realize.
And He is intimately aware of your life and what you’re going through.
In both the joys and the suffering of life, God remains good. There is so much we cannot see, and yet He is in control.
Even in suffering, His purposes are higher than ours, and His plans are always good. He allows suffering for His reasons, only He can see.
Trusting God Through Pain and Suffering Suffering is hard. It hurts. Deeply. But when we trust that every good gift in our lives comes from Him, it changes how we endure the hard times.
Instead of despair, we can face suffering with peace, joy, and contentment. This shift allows us to fulfill at least part of the purpose God has for our pain.
God Cares About Your Pain Make no mistake—God sees your suffering. He knows your struggles, whether they are rejection, loneliness, or unmet needs in your closest relationships.
God cares about the pain in your marriage. He cares about the lack of intimacy, warmth, or connection. He sees the ache in your soul. And He cares.
His Goodness Never Fails Even in the hardest moments, God is good. He loves you so much that He’s willing to risk you turning away from Him because He has a bigger plan for your life.
As Isaiah 55:9 reminds us, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
We don’t have to understand His reasons. But we are called to trust His goodness.
Every Good Gift Is From God If God feeds the birds, how much more is He doing for us every day?
He makes each breath happen and every movement possible. Every smile from your child, every sunset you see, every heartbeat you experience—these are His gifts.
He knit you together in your mother’s womb, and He continues to sustain you every moment of every day. He is still designing, directing, and causing all these things to go well for us.
When we take the time to notice, we see His hand in everything good. Even in suffering, when something breaks, it reminds us of all the days He allowed it to thrive.
Soak in the Truth of His Love If we truly understood His love, if we only soaked in the truth of His love, we would trust Him more easily, even in the midst of pain.
If we only knew His love…
If we only knew His love…
If we only knew His love…
May you know the love of Christ today.
And may I know it, too.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call: delightym.com/cc
We are so honored to share Dasha's incredible transformation story with you today! If you’re looking for hope for your own relationship, Dasha’s journey might be just what you need to hear today.
Dasha's Marriage Story Dasha came into her second marriage with a guarded heart, carrying pain from her previous relationship. It wasn't easy; the beginning of this new chapter was rocky. She felt disconnected and had no desire for her husband. At one point, she even told him he could leave if he was unhappy.
Her Husband's Transformation But instead of walking away, her husband chose a different path. He joined Masculinity Reclaimed, Delight Your Marriage’s program for men, designed to inspire personal growth and transformation. Through this program, he was able to learn the differences between men and women and how to fully love his wife in a way that she would receive love. He began implementing what he had learned in his marriage and Dasha began noticing the changes in their home and in their marriage.
At first, Dasha was skeptical. She had seen temporary changes before, and they’d tried other methods, like counseling. But as Dasha put it, those methods “revealed” problems—they didn’t heal them.
This time, something was different. The changes in her husband weren’t just surface-level; they were real, lasting, and kept getting better. For the first time, Dasha began to feel emotionally safe. The walls she had built around her heart started to come down. She felt connected, relaxed, and fully free to be herself with her husband.
When she realized these changes weren’t going away, Dasha decided to take her own step of faith and bravery. She joined the Delighted Wife program to do her part in their journey.
Dasha's Marriage Transformation Through the program, Dasha found the healing she had been longing for. By embracing gratitude, forgiveness, and the biblical principles we teach, she experienced transformation—not just in her marriage but in her own heart. She connected with other women who are on the same journey as her and now has a support system that is cheering her on and encouraging her. She learned how to open up her heart, though she was afraid it might bring hurt, she found that it brought healing. Today, she describes her marriage as not just connected, but fun!
And the sweetest part? Her son gets a front-row seat to a joyful, loving, and laughter-filled home.
A Marriage (and Home) Full of Fun We are so proud of Dasha for her courage, vulnerability, and willingness to embrace the process. Her story is a beautiful reminder that no matter how your marriage starts, you can change where it’s going.
It is possible to have a marriage that’s stress-free, emotionally safe, deeply connected, and full of fun.
We’re rooting for you and cheering you on every step of the way!
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are looking for this type of change in your marriage, we invite you to make a Clarity Call and learn more about the programs we have for men and women: delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is a testimonial from (another) recent graduate of the Delighted Wife program:
“My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. There was anger, yelling, and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed or the same room... Through the program, I realized how much healing needed to take place in my own heart. I’ve learned to see my husband through God’s eyes and to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses. The forgiveness [module] helped me release past hurts, and I now truly feel loved.”
Trust is an essential part of the foundation in your marriage, but what happens when that foundation cracks—or even shatters?
Maybe you’ve been hurt by the person you thought would always protect your heart. Perhaps betrayal, harsh words, or neglect have left you questioning everything.
Can trust ever be rebuilt? Should you even try?
If you’ve found yourself asking these questions, you’re not alone. Broken trust can feel overwhelming, leaving you guarded, uncertain, and even hopeless.
But this doesn’t have to be the end of your story. There is hope for healing, even in the deepest wounds.
Wives, we know that you have every reason to not trust your husband again:
- You might get hurt again. Even if your husband is making changes, doubts linger. What if he goes back to his old ways? What if he’s only changing to get something from me?
- Emotional wounds take time to heal. Maybe arguments, harsh words, or emotional distance have left you wondering: If I trust him again, will the hurt just continue? [Dear wife, please know this is in reference to emotional hurt. If physical abuse is part of your story, your safety must come first. God’s heart breaks for your pain, and He wants you to be safe. Please seek help from trusted organizations or individuals who can support you.
- He has been Untrustworthy in the Past
Maybe your husband has broken your trust—whether it’s with finances, responsibilities, or even his faithfulness. Perhaps he’s been judgmental, leaving you feeling small and unseen. Or maybe his words have torn you down so often that you’ve built a wall to protect your heart.
Your feelings are valid. The wounds are real, and they cut deep.
But alongside these fears, could it also be worth asking: Are there unmet needs—on both sides—that are contributing to the pain?
Here is what we want to make sure all of our readers know: Wives & Husbands need different things to thrive in a marriage.
Wives need to feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished.
- This isn’t just about physical safety; it’s emotional too. You need to feel that your thoughts, feelings, and dreams can be shared without fear of criticism or rejection. When this safety is missing, it’s hard to open your heart.
I wrote the above reasons why not to trust your husband or fears you might have… Because I understand what you’re going through at least to some degree. I have the privilege of walking alongside women who have “been there”. It’s a painful place to live: guarded, in fear, lonely… wounded. I hear your pain. I would love to speak with you in this episode and just see if by the end you are encouraged and even (prayerfully) gain hope that God could do a work in you. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him" Romans 15:13 We do serve a God that loves you, brings healing, and gives you a reason for hope. He really loves you. He really does bring hope. We love you and are praying for you. Belah PS - If you want to start making this change in your marriage but don’t know how, we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate:
"Before DYM there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs, and these were replayed constantly in my head even though one of them occurred 25 years ago. I did not trust him and had not forgiven him… After going through the program, the stress is gone, and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… We are both so much happier in our marriage! I have also started back on my spiritual journey with God that I have been away from for many years."
How do you plan to step into this year with confidence and faith?
The new year often brings a whirlwind of resolutions and lofty goals. Perhaps you’ve felt that familiar pull—“I’m going to do more of this,” “I’ll cut back on that,” or “This year, I’ll completely turn things around.”
But maybe that’s not where you are right now.
Maybe, instead of a burst of motivation, you feel unmotivated, stuck, or unsure.
What if what you’re missing isn’t motivation, but faith? Faith that God is with you. Faith that He has a plan. Faith that, in Him, you can walk with a new sense of purpose.
Faith is confidence.
And if you feel like you’re lacking confidence, let this be an invitation to lean into Him. Here are a few ways to grow in confidence this year—because as your confidence in God grows, so does your faith.
- Make Time for Intentional Moments with the Lord
Husbands, as spiritual leaders of your home, you’re called to guide—not perfectly, but faithfully. Start small. Read a Bible verse to your children before bed, or take a moment to pray with your family. When you open your Bible, ask God to speak to your heart: “Lord, what do You want me to learn? Reveal Yourself to me.” These simple steps will deepen your relationship with God, building faith and intimacy with Him.
- Embrace Risks with Courage
Wives, stepping into the unknown—whether in your marriage or personal growth—can feel daunting. But just as thrill-seekers find exhilaration in challenges like skydiving or bungee jumping, there’s a unique joy in stepping out in faith, even in intimate parts of your marriage. Confidence begins with trust—both in God and in the one He’s placed by your side.
- Be Useful for God’s Kingdom
In Revelation 3, we’re reminded that God desires us to be useful—not lukewarm. Whether it’s the hot water for cleansing or cold water for refreshing, each has purpose. Empty nesters, your wisdom and experience are invaluable. There’s a generation that needs your guidance and your prayers. Step boldly into the role God has for you.
- Trust in His Faithfulness
No matter what you face, trust that God is working for your good. His love is steadfast, His discipline is kind, and His plans are perfect. Even in moments of waiting or trial, you can have confidence that He will see you through.
- Look to Biblical Role Models
Scripture is filled with examples of faith under pressure. Think of Mordecai’s courage, Esther’s boldness, Peter’s willingness to step out onto the waves, and Paul’s unwavering hope even in chains. Their lives remind us that faith often requires action—and that God uses those who trust Him to do extraordinary things.
This year, don’t wait for the perfect moment to begin. Take a step, even a small one, toward the place you feel God is calling you. A moving ship is easier to steer than one that’s standing still.
We’re here for you, cheering you on and praying for God to fill you with confidence—confidence that will not only transform your life but ripple out to bless your family, your community, and the Kingdom.
God delights in you. Let this truth guide you as you step boldly into what He has prepared for you this year.
God bless you!
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to grow in discipleship and transform your relationship with God (and in turn your marriage), we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate: "I have grown in my time with God, my intense desire to understand the Word and trust God. I have also grown in my openness and vulnerability with my wife, I was honestly intimidated by having open conversations with her about how I felt."
How do you step into a new year with purpose?
Life can feel like a constant rush, can’t it? Maybe you’re juggling tasks right now, trying to get it all done before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st.
But as we prepare to turn the page on this year, what if we paused?
What if we took a moment to breathe deeply, to reflect, and to realign with what truly matters?
Believe it or not, you have done a lot of good this past year. Yes, there may be places where you have slipped up or there were hard lessons to learn, but look at the good. And look at the good God has done in you. God loves you. He really loves you. He delights in you! Take a moment to really let that sink in.
God delights in you.
As we step into the new year, I invite you to hold on to that truth.
So, how can you make the new year something that will honor Him and help you grow? Here are 10 things we suggest:
- Continue to take time to reflect on this past year
Where did you see God’s hand in your life and marriage? Even in the hard moments, what growth or blessings came out of them? By reflecting, you not only honor what God has done but also prepare your heart to hear what He might want to do next.
- Start your mornings with Purpose
Your mornings set the tone for the entire day. Carve out time to meet with God—reading Scripture, praying, or journaling your thoughts and goals. It doesn’t need to be lengthy or perfect, just consistent. A morning routine focused on Him can help you anchor your day in peace, purpose, and His perspective, rather than the perspective of the world.
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Prioritize reading Scripture from a physical Bible There’s something grounding about holding a physical Bible in your hands. It slows you down, removes distractions, and helps you focus on God’s Word. His truth brings clarity and wisdom, especially as you make decisions and set goals for the year.
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Pace Yourself It’s tempting to set ambitious goals for January, but remember—life is a marathon, not a sprint. Instead of overwhelming yourself, focus on what’s realistic. Break down your goals by quarter. What’s most important for the first three months? Then build from there.
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Aim for 80 Perfection is not only unattainable but also draining. Instead of striving for flawless execution, aim for steady, faithful progress. Aiming for 80% will get you much farther than burning out in pursuit of an impossible ideal.
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Create a Life Vision
If you haven’t done this in our program yet, a Life Vision is about looking at the bigger picture. Who is God calling you to be? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? Your Life Vision can guide your daily decisions, helping you prioritize what truly matters over what feels urgent.
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Take Inventory of Your Relationship with your Spouse this past year Your marriage is one of the most significant relationships God has entrusted to you. How was your connection this year? Are there areas where you want to grow closer—spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Taking inventory helps you identify what’s working and where you’d like to improve in the coming year.
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Remember to Defend Against the Enemy’s discouragement Discouragement is one of the Enemy’s favorite tools to derail us. Be alert to his lies and counter them with God’s truth. Surround yourself with Scripture and people who remind you of your worth and God’s plans for your life. Remember, “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4).
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Fight the Battle of Comparison Comparison can steal your joy and distract you from God’s unique calling for your life. Just as the eye and the foot serve different purposes in the body, we each have our roles in His plan. Focus on what He’s calling you to do, not what others are doing.
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Ask yourself, “What does God want me to focus on?” At the heart of all your planning and reflection, this is the most important question. Seek His wisdom and guidance as you set your intentions for the year. He knows the plans He has for you (Jeremiah 29:11), and they are good.
Through it all, stay rooted in God’s eternal perspective. Fix your heart on Christ, let His Word transform you, and step into the good works He’s prepared for you.
As we enter this new year, know that we’re here for you. Whether it’s helping you grow in your marriage or deepen your walk with Christ, we’re rooting for you and we cannot wait to see what God has in store for you.
God bless you!
Love,
Belah & Team
Do you remember what it was like falling in “like” with your spouse?
What was it that originally drew you to them? Maybe it was their humor, kindness, or how they made you feel seen and appreciated.
Over time, it's easy for that “like” to fade.
Instead, criticism, judgment, or even indifference creeps in.
But imagine being in your spouse’s shoes—everything they say and do, examined under a magnifying glass, critiqued and picked apart. That kind of scrutiny doesn’t help them thrive. And nothing wounds deeper than feeling that the person you chose, the one closest to you, doesn’t actually like you.
What if, instead, you accepted their weaknesses and quirks? After all, they have them, and so do you.
What if you chose to see their strengths instead? What if you noticed what they’re doing right and spoke it out loud?
I want to encourage you to take that step.
Scripture is clear about encouragement and loving our neighbors:
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
“Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” Philippians 2:3 (NIV)
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV)
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)
Your spouse needs to know that you see the good in them. That you still like them. That you’re rooting for them, not against them. It’s amazing what a little grace and encouragement can do to rebuild connection and joy.
This Christmas week, I invite you to be gracious with your spouse. Notice the small things—their kindness, their effort, their dedication—and let them know you see it. Accept their weaknesses, support them gently, and call out the good that God has placed in them.
God bless you, and from all of us here at Delight Your Marriage, Merry Christmas!
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to learn more about how to love your closest neighbor well, we would love to chat with you. Click the link to schedule a FREE Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc
PPS - The third installment of our Pre-Marriage series, the Pre-Wedding Workbook, is available now! We hope this book blesses you and sets you on the path to a peaceful, playful, passionate, and purposeful marriage! Check it out here: Pre-Wedding Workbook
Change is possible.
We are honored to be able to share Pat’s story with you today.
After years of therapy and struggling with a porn addiction, Pat felt hopeless. He had done all he knew to do, yet there was still a hole in his heart—and in his marriage.
But Pat decided to take a courageous step of faith. After years of being a listener to the podcast, he made the call, and through the Masculinity Reclaimed program, he finally found what he had been searching for: true community and lasting change.
Surrounded by other men who were pursuing God and committed to loving their wives well, Pat finally found a community that felt safe enough to let his guard down. He began applying what he learned through the MR program, growing closer to God and putting in the work to heal his marriage.
And the results? His wife noticed the change, telling him, “It’s good to see the man I married back.” Pat himself shared that the hole he once felt in his marriage is now gone. Praise God!
We hope Pat’s journey inspires you and reminds you that change is possible—and it begins with you.
God bless you!
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to learn more about this community and our Masculinity Reclaimed program, we would love to talk with you: delightym.com/cc PPS - Less than a week away, our Pre-Wedding Workbook is releasing December 18th on Amazon! We are so excited to get this book to you and hope it blesses you immensely!
How do you prioritize your life?
This episode is for our lovely wives in the audience.
Dear wives, life can feel like a never-ending whirlwind. Maybe right now you’re juggling errands, picking up your kids, or running around doing everything for everyone else. It’s easy to get caught up in all the demands, isn’t it?
But let’s pause for a moment and think about what God has asked us to prioritize. When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, His response was crystal clear:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Here’s something worth reflecting on—have you neglected your closest neighbor?
Your husband is your closest neighbor. He’s the one God has entrusted to you. The one you’re called to love as yourself—not just love, but love in a way that truly meets his unique needs.
It’s not about doing it all perfectly. It’s about leaning into curiosity and compassion. What if you remembered your husband is a brother in Christ? What if you began to discover and appreciate how God intentionally designed him—even the aspects you might not fully understand, like his sex drive? It’s all part of God’s good and purposeful plan.
In this episode, we’ll explore how God designed men (all the way from the beginning to now!), why their design matters, and how to love them in a way that speaks to their heart. It’s not about fixing him or changing him but learning to support and honor the way God made him.
I pray that as you listen, your perspective will shift. That you’ll see your husband with fresh eyes—eyes of grace, compassion, and discovery. Let this be a reminder to focus on loving your first neighbor well, just as God calls us to do.
God bless you!
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If this episode resonated with you and you want to learn more about how to truly love your first neighbor well, we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc
PPS - Mark your calendar: The Pre-Wedding Workbook is releasing December 18th on Amazon! We cannot wait to get this workbook into your hands and hope it proves to be a great blessing to you and those around you. Stay tuned!
It’s so easy to feel the disconnect in your marriage and wonder if things can ever truly align.
Stu’s story is a beautiful reminder that transformation is possible.
Stu grew up feeling socially awkward and unsure about the purpose of marriage. After marrying his wonderful wife Linda and after 20 years of marriage, he still found himself asking, “How do I understand her?” and “How do I connect with her?” He described their relationship as feeling like “misaligned velcro.”
But instead of staying stuck, Stu decided to take a step of faith. Through the Delight Your Marriage program, he learned practical tools like the CIRQUE listening technique, which he called “revolutionary.” He discovered how to be prayerful and playful and he not only deepened his relationship with Linda but also grew closer to Christ.
Today, Stu says he and Linda are “perfectly aligned.” Praise God!
We hope Stu’s story inspires you to believe that change is possible. It’s possible to break free from feelings of disconnection. It’s possible to learn how to love your spouse in ways that make them feel cherished. And it’s possible for God to completely transform your marriage and your life.
God bless you!
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are interested in taking the Marital Health Assessment that Stu mentions in this episode, you can find it here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/
PPS - If you want to participate in our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations Course, please check out this link: delightym.com/mrf
Let’s set the scene-
You’ve planned the perfect evening.
A Friday night—date night.
You and your wife are dressed to the nines. There’s a show, a fantastic dinner, and deep conversation that reconnects your hearts.
But then you arrive back home…
What are you hoping will happen next?
Here’s the truth: that unspoken hope—your expectation—might be doing more harm than you realize.
When a husband subconsciously expects intimacy, it can feel like pressure to his wife.
And that pressure? It makes her withdraw. Intimacy begins to feel transactional—like something she owes you, a “reward” for good effort, rather than a mutual outpouring of love.
In fact, the more you expect it, the less she’ll desire it.
So, how do you break free from this pattern and draw her closer instead?
Here are three key ideas:
- Drop the expectations & be content in your life (find true contentment in life by letting God satisfy you in many ways)
- Share your feelings more with your wife (She needs emotional connection in order to be open to physical intimacy)
- Think strategically about your marriage (You’re intentional about your career, your goals—why not your marriage?)
In today’s episode, we unpack these three steps and explore how to release the pressure of expectations, discover fulfillment outside of intimacy (even when sex isn’t in the picture) [We highly recommend you checking out Ep. 417: Re-sensitize Your Pleasure for more on this topic], and create a marriage that’s full of joy, connection, and God-honoring pleasure.
We believe God when he said he meant for couples to be “one flesh”. And we believe that he created intimacy to be unifying, satisfying, and connecting heart, soul, and body.
We hope this episode brings a new perspective and new joy, intimacy, and connection into your marriage.
God bless you!
Belah & Team
PS - If this episode resonates with you, we highly recommend signing up for our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations Course at delightym.com/mrf.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent MRF graduate:
"We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house but didn't live together. I was angry and bitter, critical of everything, and judgmental. I hated that about myself. [Now,] My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other. Life is fun! I can't stand to be without her. Glory to God!”
We know that intimacy is an integral part of married life.
But what happens when that intimacy… isn’t happening?
You’ve tried to explain, you’ve tried to give your point of view, you’ve even tried to give pointers, and still… nothing.
What can you do?
At Delight Your Marriage, we have developed a framework for what men and women need in order to feel loved and thrive in their marriages and, in turn, move towards intimacy. When these things are missing from a marriage, it can often cause bitterness, resentment, and can lead to months, even years, of lack of intimacy, physical or otherwise.
Here is what we have determined the framework to be:
What Women Need:
- To be safe
- To be known
- To be whole-heartedly cherished
What Men Need:
- To be respected
- To be admired
- To have whole-heartedly sexual intimacy
When these key elements are missing- everything else crumbles. If you are reading (or listening) and wondering why your spouse has not initiated intimacy or why they shut down initiations - look back to this list. Are you giving this to your spouse? We hope today’s episode will bless you as we shed some light on this topic, expand on the ‘why’ behind these needs, and give practical ways on how to implement this framework - not only for the goal of physical intimacy, but for the goal of having a thriving and beautiful marriage.
We are rooting for you!
God bless,
Belah & Team
PS - To check out the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in this episode, visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/mhac/
PPS - If you are wanting to grow in your marriage and learn exactly how to implement this framework (and get support while you do it!), we would love to talk to you. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We are so glad to be able to share a re-release episode with you this week! My husband, Dario, joins us again and he, as always, has some words of encouragement for you. We hope this episode does indeed encourage you and bless you!
Nov. 11, 2021
Don’t give up.
My goal today is to encourage you. You’re doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you’re winning.
You’re seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn’t look like it matters.
You’re seeking to do God’s will in the midst of your circumstances.
My husband is on the show today because he’s the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you’re on the right path, you’re doing the right thing, and I am proud of you.
Love,
Belah
PS – If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS – If you have yet to check out our free stuff — do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free
It’s so easy to focus on the weaknesses of your spouse.
In fact, it’s one of the easiest things to do when you think of them, but if you can imagine being in your spouse’s shoes, everything you say and do, picked apart and looked at under a magnifying glass… That doesn’t help them live their best life and thrive.
I invite you to instead accept your spouse‘s weaknesses. They have them. You have them. And look instead at their strengths. Notice what they’re doing right and comment on it.
Today. I’m joined by my husband, Dario, who is an amazing father and amazing husband. I’m very honored to walk this road of life alongside him. But he sees me at my very worst and he accepts those weaknesses, but he also supports me in them. So, like many of you, I can be on my screen too much or not want to go to sleep on time amongst other weaknesses… And my husband is so gracious, gentle, but also responsible to help me do what I need to do to live my best for God.
I invite you to support your spouse and their weaknesses, but also really focus on their strengths and help them to realize the good that God has placed in them. I hope even this weekend you will have more grace for your spouse and focus on the good in them.
God bless you!
Love,
Belah
We’re thrilled to share Craig’s story with you today.
For years, Craig and his wife were stuck in a painful cycle—“You always ____,” “You never _____”—both keeping score, building walls of resentment, and matching hurt with hurt. Things seemed like they’d never change.
Then, a friend from church mentioned the transformation he had experienced through Delight Your Marriage. Craig was skeptical at first, but as the months passed, he couldn’t deny the remarkable shift in his friend’s life. That’s when Craig decided to take the first step and schedule a Clarity Call.
What surprised him most was that the change didn’t come from trying to fix his wife—it started with him. Within the first month, Craig embraced a new way of showing up: becoming “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Through his own transformation, the marriage began to heal.
Today, Craig shares with joy that his children will never have to grow up in a divided home. The family tree will remain unbroken, with a straight and strong trunk—thanks to the tools, community, and growth Craig found through our program.
We hope Craig’s story reminds you that change is possible. It’s possible to break free from arguments. It’s possible to experience peace and joy in your marriage. And it’s possible for God to rewrite your story in ways you never imagined.
We believe in you, and we are cheering you on.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want a change in your marriage like Craig had, with no more arguing and no more resentment, we would love to talk with you. Check out our free Clarity Call here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Check out this testimonial from (another) recent graduate:
“My wife had her mind pretty much set on divorce. She said she had an upcoming meeting with an attorney when I first joined the program. My stress level was up, my appetite was pretty much nothing, and I couldn't sleep. [After MR}, I have grown spiritually, mentally, and feel more whole as a person. My wife and I have come to a place in our marriage where it used to be, like when we first got married. We are happy to be around each other again, can't wait to see each other at the end of the day, and have more connected conversations again.”
We have the honor and privilege of sharing Lindsay's Transformation Story today.
For years, she struggled with the pain of infidelity, unsure if she could ever trust her husband again. But when her husband decided to join the Masculinity Reclaimed program, the changes she saw in him stirred something in her heart. That’s when she reached out, booked a free Clarity Call, and joined the Delighted Wife program.
Through God’s grace, their marriage has been completely transformed. Moments once marked by tension and fear have been replaced by playfulness and peace. She has rediscovered the joy of being with her husband, and together they are experiencing a marriage that has truly been redeemed by the Lord.
We give all the glory to God for this incredible renewal. Time and time again, He proves that no situation is beyond His redemption.
If you’ve felt hopeless about your marriage, let this story remind you that there is truly no relationship too far gone for Him to redeem.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to try our free Clarity Call like Lindsay did and talk with one of our Clarity Advisors, we would love to chat with you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “Seven years ago, my husband began a 3 year affair with an employee… After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling... After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light.
I was ready to quit, I had considered divorce. [Now], I am able to appreciate the small things my husband does, I am able to give compliments which he appreciates. I am practicing vulnerability and playfulness!... It’s changed the way I see my husband.”
Today’s episode is an incredible story of God‘s transformative power.
From a man who started out broken and lonely, with a history he wasn’t proud of, God was able to take his little seed of faith, his little seed of hope that just maybe something could change for him, too.
He decided to sign up for a free Clarity Call, and then to join our program. He went through the program once on his own.
Eventually, his wife saw some changes in him and decided that she wanted to do the work to heal from their past.
Ultimately, they both did the program at the same time, and praise the Lord, they are completely renewed and restored.
You would not believe the description that Jim gives of their marriage today. He said that it’s the way he always dreamed marriage could be.
I hope this gives you encouragement, that you too, can have a marriage rescue no matter the past. God can redeem.
If you’d like our help, we’d love to help you on a free Clarity Call. Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Love,
Belah & Team
PS There IS hope, dear one! Healing is what Jesus does! Bring it to Him and ask for His touch. Our programs can help with the healing process and equip you with the tools. Jesus does the rest! Take that step of faith...delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
From someone who did:
"Celebrating making it to 12 weeks when I thought I wouldn’t make the course at all... GOD is great! ...Loving my husband again after infidelity on both sides - never in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible to find that love again and so quickly. The peace God has bestowed upon my marriage, life, house, and children since walking through this course... I love life and am dreaming again because God has brought healing to my marriage. It’s like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God’s will in my marriage have been pushed to GO/GREEN again and I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."
Is it true? Are you sure it’s true? How often do we ask these questions when an anxious thought comes to our mind? Too often we allow ourselves to assume a thought is true and allow the anxiety to drive us to choices we don't want to make.
Anxiety is fear. Stress is masked fear. And controlling or mothering behavior... yep... it's also fear.
The Bible is crystal clear: Do not fear. Be anxious for nothing.
If you want to break free from this snare, it starts with 1) calming your physical body 2) investigating the mental tapes playing in your mind. What anxious thoughts have you allowed to run your life? ‘I’m not good enough’ 'I'm a failure as a husband' "My husband doesn't love me"
Whatever it is, I challenge you to investigate those thoughts. Get curious about your anxiety.
When you work on acknowledging and understand your fears, you build the resilience needed to face them, biblically. It’s not about denying the struggle; it’s about leaning in and clarifying what is actually going on.
This is a technique adapted from Byron Katie, and it is a series of questions you ask yourself.
A - What mental tape am I repeating? B - Is it true? C - Am I absolutely sure it’s true?
There are a couple more steps we talk through in the podcast, which I'm very excited for you to listen to!
May God give you grace to walk in His abundant peace and comfort.
Love, Belah and Team
PS - If you want help rewriting that mental tape and want help getting rooted in the truth of Scripture and your marriage, we would love to talk to you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “[Some of my] quick fire celebrations: -The peace God has bestowed upon my marriage, life, house, and children since walking through this course -The new refreshed hope I have in Jesus -Praying and reading my Bible and actually getting together with people who love and believe in Jesus. I was repulsed by Christians for a while but I now see value in community after doing this course. -The way I’ve grown to know what God thinks about marriage and life in general. He actually wants to make it easy and wants to help us not make us work hard or struggle like slaves for the sake of marriage. HE REALLY IS GOOD.”
Have you ever felt so disconnected in your marriage that you wondered if it was worth fighting for?
Kevin found himself in that very place—emotionally, spiritually, and physically distant from his wife. Harshness and criticism seemed to cloud their every interaction, leaving him discouraged and ready to give up. He felt his energy was drained and was unmotivated in many aspects of life.
He took the courage to sign up and speak with Dana on a Clarity Call, he felt it gave him insights into himself and helped him discover what was at the root of their disconnection.
He felt he wasn't the role model he'd want to be for his children. He had allowed his marriage to be transactional which he knew wasn't what God designed marriage to be. That's when he decided he wasn't giving his family all that he should and he signed up for the men's program.
Through this journey, Kevin began to implement the daily gratitudes—a practice that sparked a profound shift in his mindset. He was encouraged through his Coaching Calls to stand firm as the spiritual leader he longed to be for his family, even amidst resistance. He finally feels he is spiritually leading his family.
We are so proud of Kevin and know that the same change he saw in his marriage can happen with yours. As he shared with us, where there is breath, there is hope. We believe this podcast will encourage you that God CAN heal this marriage. He may be calling you to be the very one who does it, by changing yourself.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are interested in a Clarity Call and speaking with one of our advisors as Kevin did, we would love to talk with you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here a quote from a (different) recent graduate:
“Some of my biggest celebrations: Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before!... She has expressed often how she likes the changes she sees in me… I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there. I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken!... One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives: Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”
By the end of this episode, I hope you'll get this, men: Courage. Character. Restraint.
What I really want to share is that if you want your wife to follow you and be turned on by you, cowardice isn't sexy... to say the least.
It's true that the "righteous are as bold as a lion". If you want to grow in courage you must grow in your character.
When you lie to yourself or to others, you are undermining your confidence and courage.
You are the leader of your home. Whether you feel that way or not, what you do (or don't do) creates the culture.
You are the first man your children ever see as a role model.
You are the first husband your wife has ever had.
You are their standard.
If you "follow" your father, and don't realize you're a leader, you will fall into the same issues he had.
But if you realize that you're a lion, you are a leader. You have the opportunity to do everything differently.
It starts with looking at your character.
It starts with not lying.
You must work on integrating all the parts of yourself: your spirituality, sexuality, wealth, family life, etc, etc, etc.
When your character is your focus and goal to increase, you become more courageous. When you can be honest with the tiny, then you can make big decisions easily.
I give some embarrassing examples that I hope you can learn from (at my expense).
Please know I love you and am praying for you.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you’re ready to take the next step in fighting for your marriage, we want to talk with you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and schedule a totally free Clarity Call with us.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
Before the Masculinity Reclaimed Program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.
I often felt I couldn’t be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart… hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died.”
After MR: “I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there.
I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken! Anxiousness about when sex will happen next is pretty much gone.
Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!”
Consider this: you might be more like Paul than you realize. Yes, Paul—the apostle whose praises were so powerful they shook prison walls, and who found joy even in his suffering. What could you possibly have in common with him?
Well, Paul had a thorn in his side. A persistent struggle that he begged God to remove. I’m willing to bet there’s a thorn in your side too—something you’ve desperately asked God to take away. Whether it’s sexual sin, pride, greed, jealousy, or anger, this thorn is your personal struggle.
I am here to tell you: Embrace the thorn in your side. This might sound counterintuitive, but in your weakness, God’s strength is made perfect. The thorn is there for a reason. God has given it to you to keep you humble, to remind you that you’re not in control of everything, and to draw you closer to Him.
How do folks often respond to their (God-given) thorns?
Disassociate. Disown. Disregard.
Disassociating yourself from these struggles—especially the deep ones like hidden addictions—can be perilous.
Essentially, if you do not embrace your thorn, it is the enemy's playground to attack you in the same way again... and again... and again... to the destruction of all those you love and the reputation of the gospel that you represent to others.
We are urging you, bring these struggles into the light. Seek accountability, find support, and create a plan. On the good days it's easier to make that plan and structure to support you on the hard days that you know will come... because you've embraced the thorn that is God's gift which keeps you humble.
Important: Perfection isn’t required- 80% of a plan is enough to start making meaningful progress. The point is to start. Remember when you perceive the negative pattern in your history, it's time to take action so you can prevent things going downhill... for when you are weak, then you are strong.
This week, I encourage you to identify your thorn (start with one, we likely all have many! I certainly do), confront it, confess it to God, repent and confess it to safe people. Then, know that He forgives you and makes a way of escape for the future so you can truly truly walk in the humility that comes through the gift of this thorn... because His grace IS sufficient for you.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are interested in learning more about our program, maybe even getting that accountability in your life, we would love to talk to you. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - I am excited to share with you a resource that I believe will be of value for your marital intimacy!
A group of pro-marriage / intimacy experts have gotten together and are doing a sex seminar. These are folks that believe marriage is right and good but they are not necessarily Bible-believing Christians.
Amongst really valuable and wise content, there will likely be perspectives represented that I don’t 100% agree with.
I encourage you (as always) to seek discernment from God to gain the good insights that may be in this event and leave what may not be helpful to you.
Keep eternity in mind: at the end of it all we want to hear from God “well done.” We want it to be true that we loved the spouse we were given with a servant heart and according to His Word.
I hope you gain wonderful encouragement and practical ideas to love your spouse well through intimacy!
Here are the links- 2024 Sex Seminar: https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYM24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-2024
Sex Seminar Bundle (all 5 years): https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYMBUNDLE24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-bundle-2024
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "After 8 years of marriage, we had both grown complacent in investing in each other… I have long struggled with pornography and I tend to be a bit of a workaholic while my wife has been at home with our kids for 15 years. It seems we took every one of those opportunities to create distance in our relationship… [Now], I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.”
We want to share an inspiring story about Karl, a widower who experienced profound loss when his first wife passed away in 2020. Since then, he’s rebuilt his life with a new marriage to his lovely wife Rachel and a vibrant blended family of six children.
At first, their new life together seemed to be falling into place beautifully, but just nine months into their marriage, an unexpected challenge arose. Due to circumstances beyond their control, pornography was inadvertently introduced into their home through one of their children’s devices. This incident outside of their control ignited a series of conflicts, tension and bitterness.
As a pastor, he realized if he lost his marriage, everything, every thing in his life was at stake.
Through a series of unusual events, Karl learned of the success of Delight Your Marriage and decided to give it a try and fight for his marriage. He took our free Clarity Call and described it as a “breath of fresh air” that gave true clarity. He was able to see how not only the past few months had affected his marriage but how things from his previous marriage and the loss from 2020 were also affecting him even now.
He committed to the men's program, and the transformation was remarkable. Through the tools and guidance he received, he learned to communicate more effectively and approach his relationship with a renewed sense of empathy and understanding. As Karl’s approach to their marriage shifted, Rachel’s heart began to soften. This newfound healing was put to the test when their luggage, including passports, thousands in cash, work laptop, and IDs, was stolen right before their trip to Rachel’s home country.
He said this (and this is what we want for you) they leaned into each other and God during crisis, rather than being torn apart. When they used to have massive discord on something as simple as a family routine, now they have connection and healing amidst what could be described as a significant disappointment.
What they've discovered through it all... they have both said: “I have my best friend back.”
Be encouraged by God's miracle working power, which He can do for you too!
Belah & Team
There’s a profound truth that can often be overlooked: love, in its truest form, is sustainably sacrificial. This means loving your spouse in a way that endures, even when it's challenging.
If you're a spouse who is tempted towards apathy—losing hope and withdrawing—it can feel like a deep, unending chasm. This apathy might stem from various sources: exhaustion from the relentless demands of daily life, pride that blocks genuine connection, unforgiveness that creates barriers, or perhaps a combination of all these factors. Whatever the reason, it’s crucial to recognize these signs before they evolve into a dangerous pattern that jeopardizes your relationship.
There may be times when your spouse’s attempts to reach out (or lack thereof) seem ineffective or even hurtful. I encourage you to see beyond the surface and engage with the deeper purpose of marriage -- to make God proud of you.
Remember, you’re not loving your spouse for a specific result; you’re doing it because you love God. That love for God will sustain you when you’re not seeing the fruit of your efforts. He CAN fill us with all joy and peace, irrespective of our circumstances or the immediate outcomes of our actions.
Even amidst the temptation to lose hope and become apathetic. Don't. Instead, look to the Lord. Rejoice in Him, and trust that God is a God of hope. Your perseverance is not in vain, even when it feels like you’re giving more than your fair share in loving and meeting your partner’s needs.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are wanting to fight apathy, fight for your marriage, or just even get some clarity for your marriage... we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “My biggest celebrations have been: Forgiveness- I had no idea how much resentment I had towards my wife. There is no doubt in my mind that she felt that… I learned to not only forgive her, but look at some of those things as a strength for her… Replacing bad habits with good daily habits of first thanking God for my blessings. praying for my wife, shouting my faith statement and focusing on making my marriage the best it can be. I learned that it is all up to me. I know God is with me every step of the way, but I have to be the leader of my life and my marriage.”
Perhaps the most heartbreaking situations I encounter are when one spouse becomes apathetic—losing hope—and decides to "pull the plug" on the relationship. When a spouse gives up hope, apathy sets in, leading them to consider divorce, an affair, or even a secret addiction because they feel their spouse isn’t meeting their needs. I may not fully understand all the dynamics that have brought your marriage to its current state, but my hope is that you recognize the warning signs before apathy takes hold. LISTEN to your spouse’s heartcry. Don’t let them lose hope because their attempts to communicate with you have been ignored. Yes, their communication may have been ineffective—perhaps controlling, critical, or accusatory—but underneath it all, they are expressing a hurt that you are overlooking. If you ignore it long enough, they may stop hoping things will change. Tragically, this can lead to apathy and the potential destruction of your marriage. As a marriage coach who genuinely cares, I urge you: please don’t wait until apathy sets in before you start paying attention to what your spouse is trying to communicate. Even if their words make you feel like a failure, could you, just possibly, listen to the deeper message? They are crying out to be loved in the way they need to feel loved, and if you don’t respond, they may become so weary that the dangerous temptation of apathy takes hold. NOTE: If you’re the spouse who seems to be doing more than your fair share of loving and meeting your partner’s needs, know this: your reward will be great, far beyond what you might receive in this life. Don’t stop. Don’t let apathy take root in your heart. Remember, God is a God of hope, and He will fill you with hope as you trust in Him. He doesn’t want you to be hopeless. Trust in God. Love, Belah PS - If you're on the verge of losing hope and becoming apathetic about your marriage, we want to help. And if you're worried that your spouse might be feeling this way, we want to help too. Your next step is a free, "low-stakes" conversation called a Clarity Call. We'd love to hear what's going on and potentially be the lifeline that prevents disaster—God has worked miracles in situations like yours before. But it takes courage to take that first step of HOPE. Speak to a compassionate Clarity Advisor: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS -- Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I had grown so apathetic towards my husband that I KNEW this was very dangerous. I had built a case against him in my mind for the ways he did not appreciate me or accept me... I am a highly sensitive person with strong feelings, so to have little to no feeling towards my husband was intolerable to me. This is what drove me to DYM... A truly KEY realization I had to admit, was that I was a “bickering wife” and that I had been undermining him, disrespecting him, and deeply wounding him... I am so convicted of how it tore down my marriage, impacted my husband’s self-esteem, and definitely was negative example to our children... Once I admitted that, I was able to grow!"
We’re excited to bring you a story of a woman who was nearing the empty nester phase and, if she was really honest with herself, wasn’t looking forward to it at all. Her oldest had already left and grieving that separation added a strain on the marriage. Julie generally felt frustrated and unhappy and blamed her husband for the distance.
However, she did a very wise thing. She realized she is the only one who can change anything in the marriage by changing herself. She decided to take us up on our free Clarity Call offer and ended up feeling like she got a counseling session for free just by talking to our Clarity advisor.
Thankfully, she didn’t stop there and decided she wanted to join the program to gain the tools she needed to change everything in their connection. Which is exactly what happened. She started out feeling that she and her husband were opposites and maybe weren’t even meant to get along. And thank God, through this work, she discovered her husband is a man who is actually complementary, she deeply loves, and even misses when they are apart.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to try out a Clarity Call like Julie did, here is the link: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:
“Once I learned the 3 basic needs for my husband, I had a new understanding… He started to open up to me and we made more progress in a few weeks than we had in years.”
Hello everyone!
I hope you all have had a good week so far! For today’s podcast, we are doing something a little different!
I wanted to give you an inside look on what a Coaching Call with us is like. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance to us, so you won’t hear any names or any confidential information, but you will get to hear some of my coaching and some good truths being shared. We wanted to give you an example of what it would look like to be on a Coaching Call with myself and a few of your fellow peers.
Based on the men's questions, we cover a few important insights directed at men specifically:
- Embrace humility in your identity as a believer.
- Pursue sexual purity and healing.
- Stay connected—accountability is a choice.
- Lead your wife with courage; it’s what she desires.
- Guide your family spiritually with practical ideas and encouragement.
If you are wanting encouragement, coaching, and want to seek out Truth and encouragement for your marriage, we hope you’ll consider joining the program and being part of a company of men running together to achieve the prize and gaining a wonderful and healed marriage and intimacy in the process...
We want you to know:
Change is possible. Healing is possible. And God loves you.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want more information on how to be a part of a Coaching Program like this, here's your next step: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote of a recent graduate's favorite celebrations from the program:
“Where do I begin? I have my wife back. We are having fun again. I almost feel like we are newlyweds again, but this time it is even better now after 28 years of marriage than it ever was. My wife feels safe with me. I'm loving her the way she receives love and she's loving me back wholeheartedly physically intimately towards me. No more duty sex. YEAH!!
She is pursuing her own pleasure too. She is frequently initiating to be intimate with me. She is flirting with me and she even did a tap dance saying how good it was the other day after we made love. I am holding back the tears as I am writing this. I will come back to this in a bit. Ok. I'm back. I have a heart filled with gratitude.
She even grabbed me as I was leaving the house today. She has never done that before. I think she is starting to crave my touch and now she likes to snuggle next to me. All of these celebrations while at the same time my wife is walking one of the most difficult seasons of her life... As I am writing this, she just sent me the most amazing text. I feel like I couldn't even come up with this if I had to. God is so so so good!!!!”
What if I told you that you have influence? That you don't need to have a podcast or a church or a book or a social media following. That right now, in this moment, you have the power to influence the lives of others, especially your spouse.
Every day we have the power to influence the life of our spouse. We have the power to show them who they are in Christ by loving them the way Jesus loves them. When we make their day great just by the tiny interactions we have with them throughout the day, we are influencing them in a dramatic way. It is affecting their life and their potential to follow Jesus more closely!
Or we can discourage them. We can complain and criticize and tear them down- even if we don't mean to. We have the power to completely make or break our spouses' day because of the relationship we have with them. If we're so focused on ourselves and our own needs not being met, we are negatively influencing them and likely pushing them away from Jesus on that day, week, year and eventually... their life.
Our spouse is our first assignment. They are our highest place of influence.
Do not waste your influence.
In this episode, we are talking about what it really means to have influence and how to use that influence (including some practicals in how to communicate the points you want to get across). We hope it shines a light on places and encourages you to recognize your power and use it for good.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned at the beginning of this podcast here: delightyoumarriage.com/health
PPS - If you want to know more about what we do and how we can help your marriage, please feel free to reach out at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "There has been unbelievable healing and growth that I prayed so desperately for, but never knew how to achieve on my own. I am closer to God than ever before and now have such an incredible arsenal of tools in my pocket to handle the difficult situations that inevitably still arise."
We are thrilled to be sharing Joel's Transformation Story with you today!
After 28 years of marriage, Joel felt disconnected from his wife. He was unsure of what to do and or where the disconnection was coming from. In searching for answers, he spoke with his sister about it and was introduced to the DYM podcast. After a few episodes and some topics really hitting home, he signed up for the Clarity Call and was accepted into the Masculinity Reclaimed course.
Through the Course, not only did Joel begin to see a change in his marriage - with the reconnection he had longed for, more playfulness, and a better understanding of how to love his wife well - but his wife even began adding his Coaching Calls to their calendar! She was THAT impressed by the changes!
We hope this transformation story inspires you and reminds you that the work that you do for your marriage does matter.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are looking to reconnect with your spouse, learn how to love them better, or figure out just how in the world to bring playfulness back - we would love to talk with you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from another recent graduate:
“The program has given me the tools I need to have a thriving marriage. More importantly, the program has changed my mindset and outlook. I now have a renewed hope that a thriving marriage is possible! I no longer fear that our marriage will end. Our intimacy isn’t just physical like in the past. It is now emotional, spiritual, and physical. It is new and AMAZING!”
Maybe you've been incredibly successful in your business pursuits.
You're the kind of guy who sees a target, attacks the target and brings home the game.
And year after year every chart goes up and to the right.
But unfortunately, what you have done that got you great success in business is what has actually torn down what you have wanted to build.
I mostly focus on men in this episode because I find they often need this sort of clarification of how God designed marriage.
The truth: marriage is extremely different than business :)
A businessman might see a problem and want to fix it, when he uses the same tools that have made him successful in business with his wife...
It drives her away.
It makes her feel she's not good enough.
Or it causes her to grow cold towards him.
The strategies that work in growing your business, conversing with coworkers, or motivating your employees will not be the things that work in the closer, intimate relationship you have with your spouse.
So, if you feel you're throwing punches in the dark and nothing is working and it's incredibly frustrating -- based on the success you've come to expect with your typical approach to life... then this episode is for you.
Blessings,
Belah & Team
PS - If we can help you with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a free consultation for us to see if we are a fit for your needs and if we would expect wonderful results from a program.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“I have come to realize that I need to be very intentional every day about romancing my wife. Especially recently, with some new business pressures, I have realized how easy it is to slip. Interestingly, I am seeing some significant effects in my daughters. Both of them are saying that they would like to have marriages like my wife and I have. Praise God!!!”
Listening is a superpower.
It makes people feel heard and safe and brings down defenses. It lets them know they are cared for.
In today's society, it can be hard to have a conversation without wanting to defend a point in disagreement or wanting to make sure your opinion is heard, as well. It's even worse when this seeps into your marriage.
Today we are going to be talking about how to have a productive disagreement without losing connection, how to stay on the same team (even when you think your spouse is totally wrong!), and how to be a curious and compassionate listener, even in the midst of disagreement.
We hope this episode blesses you and leads to many wonderful, deep conversations and a deeper understanding and connection with your spouse.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in today's podcast here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/.
PPS - If you're thinking this listening stuff is great for someone else, but not you and your spouse- they never listen, they don't want to share, they are so closed off... we would love to talk to you and see if we can help. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My biggest struggle coming into the program was hard heartedness, unforgiveness and resentment... It's required me to be more reflective. It has shown me the power of positive habits that build into an attitude of gratitude. I am learning to see my wife in a kinder light. I am spending more time connecting with my kids and have been more patient, kind & gentle with them. I am becoming a better friend, messaging and calling friends more, and making time for them."
In honor of Darcy's anniversary this week, I wanted to re-release this episode! I’m excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!
She is actually our wonderful Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you, listeners, and she truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.
Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. The rest of this message are from Darcy:
—
Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.
God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!
*“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name, I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4
I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Prov. 13:12
This is my prayer for you:
Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them…intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.
You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.
Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.
God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You…to take You at Your word…
I encourage you to read this scripture as though you’ve never read it before:
*”For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Rom. 8:18-28
Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and everything that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do!
You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine! Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint…we wait on You.
…in Jesus’ name, I ask this, amen.
So, dear listener, remember:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18
- ”Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps. 37:4
And let me ask you:
How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?
How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?
How long were the Jews in captivity?
Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise – Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so. Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.
Husband…wife…are you willing to believe God? Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?
Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.
What does that look like for you in your situation today?
He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!
Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,
Darcy
Office Manager
*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version – emphasis mine)
PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor – click here to schedule
A testimonial from a course graduate:
“I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn’t know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.
But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.
I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!”
For the past 30 years, she has tried everything to try and connect with her husband. It left her feeling lonely inside her own marriage.
Tanya is a woman who feels deeply. She is wired to feel the world and those around her in a deep, empathetic way.
But this is not the way her husband was wired. Since the beginning of their marriage, Tanya has felt a disconnect and a dismissal of her emotions.
Her husband went looking for marriage help and found the Delight Your Marriage podcast.
Through the podcast, he was inspired to join the men's program and that is when their marriage really began to change.
She was shocked when she noticed he started listening more intently, he became more tender, and they would go on walks in the park holding hands together- something that had been missing since their dating days.
This inspired Tanya to do the women's program and "jump in with both feet", willing to let this program change her the way it had changed her husband.
Now, their marriage has flourished. Tanya never thought it would be possible, but here they are, more connected than ever before.
She said she feels "let out of prison". The depression has lifted and she has hope for the future for the first time in so long.
We believe Tanya's story will encourage you and inspires hope in you for your journey!
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If this story resonates with you and you want to see a change in your marriage as well, we would love to talk with you. Contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a completely free Clarity Call. (A call Tanya says is still impacting her even now.)
PSS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:
Before the Delighted Wife Program:
"We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways." After:
"WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible...
Biggest take away from this whole course is the GOD FACTOR. Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life."
Clarity is a Christian's speciality.
Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need.
If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family.
If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led.
My story started without good role modeling.
And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing.
Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful.
Then I discovered God's way (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish.
I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children.
I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family.
We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers.
I hope you'll curiously seek to gain perspective and growth into more and more of who God wants you to be in and through your marriage so you can do more for the Kingdom of God.
Love, Belah
PS - We can help -- if you're a husband or a wife -- that's what we do. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.
PPS - Here a quote from a recent graduate:
Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program: “I had quite a few struggles when starting the program...we were arguing quite a lot, I was defensive in my responses and even blamed [her] for the issues. I also hadn't been intentional in terms of dating or cherishing her for a long time and she was feeling neglected and getting more and more upset about the situation.
Neither of us was very happy. I tried to do more around the house to make [her] happy, tried to act perfectly but still failed and ended up walking on eggshells most of the time. Not feeling or acting confidently or as a leader.”
After MR: “I can see now that I had been both aloof and independent towards my wife...but also very dependent on her mood and feelings/actions towards me.
I feel more secure now in who I am, I don't get defensive much at all any more and we rarely argue… I realized that I hadn't been a very good husband for a very long time. I didn't know the extent of it until I went through each week and realized that I hadn't really been doing the basics of knowing my wife, or making her feel safe and cherished. That was a hard realization, but actually really helped me to understand the situation and where [she] was coming from and also helped me to own my part in it.
It's been a huge change for the better. I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situations. I feel closer to God now; what could be a bigger impact than that?”
We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought.
For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right.
But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didn’t know what to do.
After desperately searching “Sexual Intimacy” on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage.
After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a “How was your day?” followed by a passionate night!
Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He did.
This is the story we want for each person listening: to be desired by their spouse, to be connected, and to be loved in a delight-filled marriage.
We are so thankful to Stephen for sharing his story with us and we hope that his story becomes your story too.
Blessings,
Belah & Team
P.S. - If you want to know more about our Clarity Calls or how to become involved in the same work Stephen did, please reach out to us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. We would love to talk to you!
P.S.S. - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
Before the men's program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.
I often felt I couldn’t be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart…”
After the men's program:
“Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue.
She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me, and is expressing more and more desire to grow in intimacy herself!...
Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us. One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives:
Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”
P.S.S.S… :)
A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful privilege of being a guest on the 'That's Just What I Needed' podcast with speaker & author Donna Jones, who is a friend of DYM and has actually been on our podcast as well! If you'd like to listen to the episode, we talk about what you can do make your marriage better, regardless of where you're starting. You can find it here: That’s Just What I Needed
It was so great getting to chat with her and we hope the episode blesses you immensely! We want to support Donna and the great work she is doing so if you are on social media, please give her a follow on @donnaajones and make sure to check out her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. Thank you again for having me, Donna!
"Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others"
...said no one, ever.
That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated.
When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily.
We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves.
By nature, we don't want to do "hard".
Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose.
As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays, here are a few:
Lie - "Men and women are the same"
The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way.
So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it.
The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and dignity but different in the ways we receive love (among other things).
In today's episode here are a few other lies we'll go into:
Lie - Don't do things for others that you don't want to do... ever (otherwise that's oppression)
Lie - Be true to your feelings at all costs (to do otherwise is inauthentic and essentially immoral)
Lie - Stay married only if you consistently feel "in love" with your spouse (regardless of kids)
Lie - Don't push yourself toward intimacy, if you aren't spontaneously feeling it, otherwise it's oppressive and BAD BAD BAD
I'd like to clarify this last point lest you not listen to today's episode.
When I push myself towards the gym because of a doctor's wisdom, am I oppressing myself? Is the doctor oppressing me for suggesting such a gruesome and heinous encouragement that could leave me sore and in discomfort for days...
No--I'm grateful he told me the truth so I can have the results he knows I want: health and well-being. Ultimately, if I do push myself to go to the gym, I feel a LOT better once I'm there and started.
In the same way, if it is true and wise and good to go towards intimacy in marriage -- regardless of how I feel naturally -- I can change my attitude and go towards this gift that God has given. And generally with the right attitude, I'll start to enjoy it in the midst.
The beautiful part about sex is when you sacrifice your feelings and wants for the good of God's plan for your marriage, you can actually start to enjoy, love, and relish in His good gift of intimacy!
It all starts with a choice to say "Not my will, but Your will be done in my life".
Love, Belah
PS - If you are wanting to improve your marriage and have deeper intimacy with your spouse, we would love to talk with you. Please feel free to contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call.
PPS - Here is a quote from one of our recent graduates: "[Before the Delighted Wife Program], My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. We were not communicating. There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed, in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken. I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us.”
After DW: “Through the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am. Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy. Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us and that it was me who needed to start… I learned to see my husband through God's eyes and am determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life… All of the realizations and truths spoken by Belah and validated Biblically, helped me see the errors of my ways and how I was impacting our marriage and even the past hurts and how our marriage was heading for destruction. Delight Your Marriage opened my eyes to what the Lord has in store and has filled me with so much hope. Through the tools of the program, I have been able to see the improvements that have been affected almost miraculously. To God be the Glory!!!”
When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive?
How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)?
I hear you.
It's painful.
It really is.
In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction.
Blessings, Belah
PS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity. We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them.
[After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife's needs better. Because of past disappointments my wife was not my #1 priority after the Lord. Now she is... There is so much in this program that is good. I loved Belah's insights for each guy during each week's coaching call. I believe she is relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and it shows with each guy's reactions and progress."
If you're discontent...
If you feel you've been praying against a cement ceiling...
If you've actually felt disappointed in life and at God...
Or maybe it's less severe, you're going through the motions in life but something feels "off"...
I want you to know that your discontentment is something to pay attention to.
God does come in dreams and visions (sometimes) but often he leads us by our feelings.
And my wonder for you is are you paying attention?
Are you considering the feeling of "discontentment" as something
a - outside of you in your world needs to change or
b - something about you in your inner world needs to change
God gives us opportunities to change all the time.
Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.
You don't need to assume this is as good as it gets and that we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.
I think God wants us to take Him at His word "we are more than conquerors" and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.
Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.
But as followers of Jesus, we get to DO something about it.
We have the opportunity to change things for the better, all the time.
Ultimately, I want you to take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.
Don't be a “Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!”
It's not what God has for you. I promise.
How about "Determined Debbie" and "Wonderfully Wise Walter"?
And I think it has eternal consequences...
Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Would you like to improve your marriage?
Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship?
Would you like our help?
If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:
“DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!
After several years of feeling “stuck” in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.”
A man of God, in ministry, spreading the gospel, and without even realizing it, he had allowed his marriage to slip into a transactional relationship.
After being married for nearly thirty years, Mark saw in himself that he was starting to become more grouchy, their connection waned, and his wife’s physical desire changed as she began to go through menopause. Their four children were “launching well” but would soon be completely out of the house – changing the home dynamic completely.
All of this put a strain on their marriage. They were now in uncharted territory and he knew he needed help.
Mark felt he needed to lead as the man, but just didn’t know how. He had been considering the men’s program for about a year and finally decided to move forward.
Through the program, we were able to help shed light to remove the things that were straining his marriage - going from transactional to selfless- and give him the tools to connect with his wife, even in the midst of all their changes. He finally felt he had the tools to be the man his wife needed him to be, so she could fully trust him and be free around him.
We are so excited to share Mark’s transformation story and hope that it resonates with you. If there is anything to take away, it is that you are not alone.
If you are a soon-to-be empty nester, if you're navigating your wife’s menopause, if you are finding yourself discontent and you don’t want to be- we would love to help you too. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
God bless you!
Love,
Belah and team
PS - Like Mark, if you’d like to find out if the men’s program would be your right next step, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call. Maybe you’ll be the next success story!
Here’s another recent graduate’s comments:
Before the Men’s program: “The emotional disconnection led us to a growing sense of distance. Physical intimacy had always been a regular part of our relationship, but there always seemed to be something missing… There was also difficulty about sharing vulnerable feelings and emotions for both of us. It was just a pattern of stuck-ness. Things might improve for a few weeks or months, but we would inevitably feel stuck again… All in all we were headed into a pretty 'lifeless' future together, that neither of us wanted or were excited about.”
After: “I find myself actually wanting to know about my wife. The listening skills have helped me to express my interest in ways that she can receive and helped me learn how to receive her more fully… I am able to express delight in my wife through compliments more naturally… There has been a bit of fun flirtiness that has never been a part of my relationship with my wife… I am free from most of my sex-related anxiety. I was constantly worried about when or if we would be physically intimate… I don't think I have ever been more intoxicated by her body, while at the same time I see each opportunity to enjoy her as a fabulous gift.I am so free to express my desire for her in ways that she loves hearing, without pressure or expectation, but with authentic desire for her.”
Tom felt like his marriage was good, but knew it could be better. His wife was his best friend, but he was craving romance and passion in their marriage.
After stumbling upon Delight Your Marriage through a Google Search and taking our free Marital Health Assessment, he realized that the marriage he thought was “good” was actually only just “okay” and ended up scoring a 5 out of 10 in the Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health).
He knew it was time for a change, so he signed up, hoping his wife would take the course at some point. Because that’s what needs to happen… right? ;)
Well, Tom found out, like all of our MR Graduates do, that change begins with ourselves.
And as he took the course and began to implement the principles, he in fact, did see a change in his wife!
She became more flirty and playful and the romance and passion that Tom had been wanting finally happened in their marriage after 4 decades!
All because he decided to take the leap, take the Delight Your Marriage course, and truly implement what he learned.
We know that God is in the business of transformation and He LOVES transforming marriages because the impact goes much further than just an individual couple.
Love,
Belah & team
PS -
If you are like Tom and feel like your marriage is pretty good, but also feel like there could be more, we want to invite you to listen to this episode and to take our free Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health).
PPS - And just the way Tom started, we would love to chat with you on a free Clarity Call! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Have you ever not done something because of fear?
Have you ever done something that felt right at the time, but you were riddled with fear and anxiety later?
Have you ever felt you had more potential than you were living into?
Welcome to human nature.
But is that what he should do?
Is that living according to our fears or God's will and His way?
I don't think so.
Instead, the Bible says it's impossible to please God without faith. (Heb 11:6)
You might wonder:
Is it required to have faith for your marriage to change?
YES.
Even Jesus could do no mighty miracles in his hometown because of their lack of faith. (Mark 6:6)
Does it mean He will most certainly change your marriage and make you not go through suffering because you have faith? Well, we can look at John the Baptist to see that even if you have faith it's not a guarantee that God will pull you out of the hard situation and cause a miracle.
However, the woman with the issue of blood had suffered terribly for over a decade.
She could have allowed her heart to grow calloused toward God and assume He doesn't care.
She could have decided things will never change.
She could have resigned herself to a life that would never get better.
But she didn't, she stretched, she pushed through the crowd, she resisted anything that would try to discourage her faith...
and by faith, she touched the hem of His garment, believing He could heal her.
And He did.
"Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” (Mtt 9:22)
I want to ask you, when...
When will it matter enough?
When will choosing to notice that God is here wanting to restore, redeem, heal matter enough to you?
When will you see Jesus walking by and reach out in faith?
Resist the enemy's...
Fear of being judged.
Fear of loss.
Fear of looking silly.
Fear of being perceived a fool.
Fear of change.
Fear of responsibility.
Fear of taking ownership.
Fear of pain.
I invite you to stand up and choose faith.
Stand up in faith. Reach for His garment. Do not be offended by His response but stay, stay, stay in faith as He might want to do a miracle that you (by your fear) are blocking.
Choose the faith of freedom, hope, joy, love, connection, unity, healing...
Live into the potential life He may be inviting you into.
Listen in today: Faith or Fear: When Will It Matter Enough to You?
Love,
Belah
PS - Marital Health Assessment is a free tool to discover where you are currently in your marriage and to give you a vision of what areas you may be missing and need to gain insight. It also provides free episodes that are uniquely selected for your situation. delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage through Christ-centered personal growth... we're here for you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We'd love to help.
Quote from a recent graduate heading for divorce:
“Delight Your Marriage saved my marriage. It has changed the course of all four of my kids lives. There is now peace in our home and friendship between me and my husband. Without this program I do not think we would have gotten here. I was too stubborn and too hurt.
Belah’s teaching were humbling and eye opening to the ways I had repeatedly damaged my husband and the areas I had fallen short as a wife. Both of us have now gone through the program now and I know it was the push we needed to mature and build solid ground for the rest of our marriage.”
We all know that marriage is a blessing from God. And when a marriage spans decades - ten, twenty, thirty years- we often stand in awe and amazement at that accomplishment.
However, there are times when those thirty years privately have been disconnected and painful and becoming empty nesters resulted in feeling like even less than roommates.
But, what if they found a program that changed it all and brought a deeper peace, connection, and unity to their marriage than they’ve had in three decades?
That is Adam’s Transformation Story. From being disconnected and treating her almost as he did one of his “employees” to learning what it truly means to be “safe” for his wife. So connected in fact that they are planning a getaway for their 30th anniversary! When just a few short months ago she felt there was nothing to celebrate!
We are thrilled to share this transformation story with you because it’s a miracle that we give God all glory and honor for what He did in their family.
If any part of it resonates–the disconnect, the want for a change in heart, the desire for results like this one (planning a trip, deeper intimacy, deeper connection)–we encourage you to make a Clarity Call at www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We hope this story encourages you, reminds you that God is for you, and that it is truly, truly, never too late to turn and create a new beginning in your marriage.
Love,
Belah
PS - If you have been on the fence about deciding to go through a program we invite you to join in now, because in 2 weeks the pricing model and structure will change as we’re having to cap enrollment.
I hope you can jump in now as we’ll be raising the price in two weeks.
Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more!
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
Before MR: “Lack of connection, lack of intimacy on each Spiritual, Emotional or Physical. I knew that our physical intimacy was lacking, My wife and I were friendly 'roommates', Physical intimacy was infrequent (3-5x a year) and not passionate. I knew I wanted and needed more, but I wasn't able to identify the lacking Spiritual and Emotional intimacy. I described myself as Helpless but not Hopeless because I had hope but didn't know exactly what was missing and what to do about it….” After MR: “(The) DYM MR program has drawn me closer to God, my wife, and my daughters. I have seen wonderful growth in my closeness with my wife and we've spent more time truly together in the last couple months than in prior years. We've gone from polite roommates where I had been jealous of my wife's craving of Diet Coke more than she seemed to need or crave me in her life to teenagers who do fun silly things to express our love for one another... My spiritual connections with God and my wife have improved 100 fold!... My wife and I are on an adventure to read the bible within the next year. We're also cooking together 3 nights per week…”
Does your marriage currently feel like living with a roommate? We want to help bring the spark back! Visit delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call with us. We would love to talk to you!
Have you ever been in a place where a conflict has absolutely consumed you?
Whether you're grocery shopping or with friends, that conflict is just circling over and over in your mind.
Maybe you find yourself wondering how you even got there in the first place? And even more so, how to get out of that place?
Well, author and speaker Donna Jones is here today to talk about just that.
In her new book “Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: a Biblical guide to Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret”, Donna walks us through how to handle conflict with love and grace, how to be an Addresser of Conflict, rather than an Avoider or Attacker, how to lead with listening, and so much more.
We were sad to have this episode end because it was such a treasure!
We hope this episode blesses you and brings you and your spouse closer together- shoulder to shoulder, against the problem, rather than against each other.
We believe God can heal any relationship and He can use you through His wisdom to do just that.
Love,
Belah
Delightyourmarriage.com/accessories
Free training to gain insights, Christian how-tos and practical tips as well as specific recommended (non-scary) intimacy accessories.
I hope this blesses you!
I was confused.
There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage...
only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things.
Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway?
Oh, I knew: sinful places.
So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt).
What's your story?
If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex.
I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint.
I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.)
I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will.
Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you're married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire.
Be washed by truth. That's my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage.
When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it's nice and warm (with your spouse :) )
In this conversation, I talk about:
1 - the actual boundaries God gives in the Bible
2 - the clear freedom He gives, biblically speaking and logically reasoned
3 - the difference between masculine and feminine sex
4 - the invitation to align your typical life with the standard of the Bible (which is often overlooked... a frequent contradiction)
Love,
Belah
PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it and bring you the freedom and joy you are longing for!
Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Start the process today and start enjoying your marriage!
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house, but didn't live together. I was angry and bitter…”
AFTER: “My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other. Life is fun!”
Bethany felt like her marriage was a lost cause.
She knew that she and her husband were called to be together, but after years of serving in church ministry, three kids, and infidelity, Bethany and her husband began questioning their promise of “no divorce” and began considering separation.
She knew she needed help. She was desperate.
She searched for a Christian answer and found Delight Your Marriage. After listening to the podcast and the testimonies, she felt unsure because the testimonies felt too hard to believe.
“God couldn’t do that for me, could he?”
But she kept listening until she felt God tugging on her heart telling her it was time.
Through Delight Your Marriage, Bethany received encouragement, support, wisdom, and a team of people that was in her corner.
She has seen a transformation in her marriage including surprise flowers and a softness in her husband that she had never seen before. (Not to mention weekly dates! Which was never a thing before!)
We are so thankful to be able to share Bethany’s story with you today and know that it is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what God can do in so many marriages.
He is a good, thoughtful, and intentional God.
Blessings,
Belah and team
PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work!
Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
As Bethany said, “It truly is a CLARITY call.”
PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate: BEFORE: “Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head… I did not trust him and had not forgiven him. Intimacy felt like something I had to do to keep him somewhat happy.”
AFTER: “After going through the program, the stress is gone and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage!”
Your story can be next, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Maybe you've done something wrong...
Maybe there's a deep discomfort that you keep trying to avoid...
Maybe you feel if you let yourself be with yourself quietly, the shame will swallow you whole...
The guilt and shame you feel may be justified.
And that is exactly why we need a sacrifice that allows us to live in confidence and freedom, peace and joy in life.
As followers of Jesus, we don't have confidence that "we're good enough" because of some baseless affirmation.
We have a strong foundation of reason as to why we have confidence.
The truth is, on our own...
We aren't good enough.
We don't deserve the goodness God gives us every day.
And we don't deserve His sacrifice.
But what we are as Jesus followers are receive-ers.
We are trust-ers.
We are people who say THE event that altered the human race 2000 years ago is WHY I can have freedom from shame.
If you have felt like you've been "paying for" the sin you've committed, it's time to receive the payment from God and start walking in your freedom as His son and daughter.
His payment actually means something in your day to day life.
You can never earn your way into being worthy of His love and goodness, peace and freedom. You get to believe and receive it. He is that good and loving and merciful and kind.
I invite you to let the gift of Jesus' sacrifice move you today.
Spend time in the story today and this weekend. Remember and receive His sacrifice for every part of your life and heart.
Love,
Belah
PS - We'd love to walk with you in this journey of living free in Christ, connected with your spouse in passion, purpose, playfulness and doing God's will as man or woman of God. We're here for you, find out the details at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
DW Before: We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways.
DW After: WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage.
Change starts with me - God can only save my marriage if I am humble enough to surrender and let Him start with ME!!!!
Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life.
Maybe you're in the midst of a really tough season.
It feels like you're alone and barely keeping your head above water.
Marriage woes can be the most stressful aspect of a person's life.
I want to encourage you that your suffering matters.
I was walking through a museum with my son the other day, and a painting depicted a martyr who was tortured for his faith.
It was a moment that helped me reflect on the importance of my suffering every day.
If a moment like that occurred, where I would have to make a choice between Jesus and comfort...
I would be strong enough and have endured enough hardship to choose rightly.
I hope today's podcast will give you encouragement that you CAN endure ALL things through Christ who strengthens you.
Love,
Belah
PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work!
Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This may be the very best thing you've done for your marriage. Period.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"Prior to coming to DYM my marriage was at a 3 out of 10... We were at odds for most of our 30+ year marriage"
AFTER: "My feelings towards my husband came back to life... This was the catalyst to the deeper changes that have given me a marriage I had always wanted."
If you're a pastor or are shepherded by a pastor, it is important to know that the work of the pastor is hard and can have a deep impact on the leader of such work.
In this episode, we explore the emotional and psychological cost of deeply caring for others.
In today's episode, we delve into compassion fatigue, its causes, and the impact it has on individuals in helping professions.
Here's what you'll learn:
- What is compassion fatigue and how does it differ from burnout?
- Professions most susceptible to compassion fatigue.
- Warning signs and symptoms to watch out for.
- Strategies for managing and preventing compassion fatigue.
I'm excited to speak with Kevin Bueltmann, a pastor who helps pastors with Compassion Fatigue. He went through it himself.
I encourage you to find out more about him and his ministry for pastors at https://www.shepherdscanyonretreat.org/
If you are wondering if you are burnt out and/or have compassion fatigue, we have a great conversation with practical ideas. I believe this will bless you!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If we can help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn all the details.
Graduate Quote:
Before the program… “I felt that I was not connecting as well with my wife and children as I should. I could sense my wife's frustration with me…I was tired, I was grouchy, I was irritable and it was affecting my most important relationships. It was negatively impacting them and my relationships with them, and it needed to change.”
After the program… ”My overwhelming feeling coming out of this course is gratitude - gratitude for my wife, for who she is, for how she has hung in there with me and not given up on me, for how she has continued to love me for who I am. I am grateful for this course and the blind spots it has helped me recognize. I wasn't a good listener at all. I was grouchy. I was ungrateful. I was often guilty of having a transactional mindset when it came to sexual intimacy. All that has changed for the better. It's all about the routine, and doing things [taught in the program] each day.”
I pulled out a fan-favorite episode to share today! If you haven't heard it, you don't want to miss this story. It'll encourage you.
--
Mick is a dynamic, charismatic, but also a tell-it-straight kinda guy.
When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that he discerned understood him as a man and also had a proven track record for change.
After taking responsibility, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage.
But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband.
Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility.
He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage without intentionality.
He was ready to do the work and take 100% ownership for his marriage transformation and had full accountability for himself.
His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.
I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him.
From the outside they looked great, but it wasn't until God changed his heart that their connection went to a whole new level.
Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did this in his marriage and for his kids).
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY.
Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from another recent graduate (2024):
Before: "We were two roommates who both felt a lot of hurt and rejection. We lived together, but never talked about the elephant in the room."
After DYM men's program: "I am so thankful to be in a loving and happy marriage that I could not have imagined only 12 weeks earlier. I am excited every day to go home to my wife, something that I felt anxious about three months ago."
Maybe you're next? Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Maybe you don't really understand what "servant" means in relation to your spouse.
Let's explore that together on our podcast today.
Be your spouse's servant.
That's Jesus' way.
If we believe what He said, this should not offend us but teach us how to live.
Mark 10:45: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..."
Matthew 20:26b-28 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,"
Matthew 23:11-12: "The greatest among you will be your servant."
Luke 22:26: "the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves."
John 13:14-15: "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."
Matthew 25:40: "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"
Mark 9:35: "Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'"
Luke 14:11: "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."
Matthew 5:16: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you... For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Luke 10:27: "He answered, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
If we truly believe Jesus, this should not offend us but free us to love and serve extravagantly.
Be your spouse's servant. For great will be your reward.
Love,
Belah
PS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PSS Client Testimonial:
Before Delighted Wife: “Our biggest marital struggle was PRIDE. Pride sent us into a downward spiral early on in our marriage. It went unchecked and only got worse over the years. We were both hopeless and lost.”
After Delighted Wife: “I can finally SEE! God shined a light on my pride the very first week of the program. We had big celebrations nearly every week. I finally see my husband through God's eyes! I have grace for his imperfections and use them as opportunities to honor God by loving him through them with absolute joy.
My husband could see a change pretty instantly. The energy in our home is positive and joyful! We've had celebrations of vulnerability and intimacy I never thought possible and finally share hope that we can actually have the marriage we've always dreamed of. We're all happier, sleeping better, and able to breathe! It's truly a miracle.”
If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage.
"But that's not normal."
"But that's not healthy."
"But that means someone is not being honest."
Well, firstly, it's not my rule.
Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2.
“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..."
"Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them...”
"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance"
--
Let's not take God's kindness for granted.
Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance. Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet.
--
I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences?
Are differences of opinion or disagreements allowed in a marriage?
YES.
But the marital relationship is unlike any other relationship.
There is a unity that is not like any other relationship.
Thus, things must be sorted through in a way that does not compromise unity.
It matters how healthy your marriage is right now.
Some topics may need to wait until you're healthier before it's wise to bring it up.
I have several practical ways of looking at this that I am excited to share.
May God bless you in this discernment of His way in your relationship.
Love,
Belah
PS - Here is a free tool called the Marital Health Assessment to help you evaluate where you currently are in your marital health: delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Client Testimonial:
Before MR: “The biggest struggles were that my wife and I had a gap between us and we were moving farther and farther away from each other.
My wife would use my shared vulnerabilities immediately against me and was constantly mothering/telling me what to do and how to do it. We had physically separated in the home and arguments hinting at divorce were starting to creep in. Our marriage was sick.
Playfulness had long since gone from it, and the priorities of life and the world were weighing on us. I highly preferred not to be in the same room with her versus being around her.”
After MR: “I have grown to love my wife.
I have grown to know God loves me enough to give me the miracle of a refreshed marriage—one that I’d hoped and prayed for but wasn’t sure I was worthy of the help. And I’m not. But He granted it anyway and it has made ALL the difference.
We are sharing plans and hopes for our future a lot more. We are making better decisions together.”
The definition of a half-truth is "a statement that conveys only part of the truth, especially one used deliberately in order to deceive someone."
I don't know that anyone who says these half-truths is INTENTIONALLY choosing to deceive someone. I'd prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
However, we must look at these beliefs and discern if they are scripturally based.
Certainly, the enemy has deliberately used them to deceive and wreak horrific tragedies in marriages and families.
Unfortunately, half-truths are more slippery and harder to discern than outright (obvious) lies.
Because we see something that somewhat resembles God's way, but we haven't given it the time or held it up to scripture to discern if it is actually aligned.
My hope in this episode is to help you discern truth from half-truths.
- Here are a few we talked about in this episode: Duty sex is bad (true... and there are things you should do to change that)
- Women should not feel they have to keep their husbands faithful by offering him sex (true... and she has an opportunity to love him well and fill this God-designed desire)
- Men should not oppress women (true... and he is designated as the leader of the home)
- Everyone fights and it's normal (true... and the Bible is clear that it is evil)
Listen in to today's podcast: 419-Half Truths Can Destroy More than Lies
Listen to the episodes on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or your favorite podcast platform
I hope also you remember as I mentioned in the beginning ANYONE who has spoken these half-truths likely had great intentions.
Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone is trying to help marriages become God's best... I hope this shines a light on how God Himself designed marriage to be, according to our guide, the Bible.
Let's have charity and kindness with one another as fellow believers. We are just seeking God's way above our own.
Love and submission to Jesus, Belah
PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage. Find out how to have a free Clarity Call ($300 value!) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - A recent graduate who came first and then because of his changes the wife joined and God did amazing things (!!) wrote this:
"Hi Belah, I am well, thank you!
And thank you so much for EVERYTHING you've done for me and my marriage.
Your positive impact on my family will resound for generations.
Truly words don't do justice to the blessing that you and DYM have been to us. God is good!"
Glory to God for all of it!
I hope you'll allow us to journey with you and see God transform your life too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
(This is a re-release from previously.)
I used to be so weirded out by sex because I was pursuing Jesus with everything.
How could my life be sold out for Christ and have to engage in such carnal behavior?
Then God opened my eyes to quite a lot. I hope you’ll listen to today’s podcast with an open heart and willingness to let Him reveal His true design and desire for you in your marriage.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS – We'd love to help with your marriage/intimacy please set up a call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
"We're just so different."
"We have nothing in common."
"Our personalities are not compatible."
This is a big problem in marriages.
People notice differences and assume it's a bad thing.
This is understandable...but very wrong.
God, in His amazing creativity, designed your spouse and you differently.
He also made a deer look differently than an alligator. He made a duck's personality differently than an anaconda's. He made the octopus loners, but curious, and the ant disciplined, but incredibly collaborative.
Why do we assume and expect God to make two humans alike?
Especially when the two sexes are SO different in many other ways (hair growth, voice pitch, hip width...to name a few!)
You're different from your spouse and it's to be marveled at as God's handiwork (Ephesians 3).
And, HE knit your spouse together (Psalms 139).
You GET to appreciate their uncommon traits. Not scowl and be annoyed at how unusual they are.
This is GOD's creativity that YOU get to enjoy if you have the right perspective.
That's my invitation today.
Put on new glasses when you look at your spouse. The glasses of appreciating their uniqueness and idiosyncrasies and make that something that fills you with joy and respectful amusement and admiration.
Love, Belah
PS Do you want help developing healthy mindsets like this? We can help and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
Client Testimonial:
Before Delighted Wife:
“Coming into the program initially, things between us were very bad. We could not speak to each other at all and we felt pretty hopeless. Our home was constantly full of tension and negativity. My husband was singling out our son and taking his frustrations out on him.”
After Delighted Wife:
“My biggest celebration is my shift in mindset and being able to see the good in my husband once again. Even for a long time while I was in the program, I was convinced that if my husband would "do something," things would improve. I did not realize how much I contributed to the discord in our marriage. I didn't realize how hard my heart was or how much healing needed to take place.
It has changed everything! If I were to take the marital health assessment, I think our score would still be a low number, but we are the happiest we have ever been and I am going to focus on that and on making tomorrow better than today.”
"Why can't I be fulfilled by what I SHOULD be able to?"
-Higher-drive men, Higher-drive women
"Why can't I get aroused by what I SHOULD be able to?"
-Lower-drive women, PI/ED men
I want to invite you to consider what brings you pleasure.
I want you to consider what causes you to ENJOY life.
At Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot of intimacy. (And this episode does too).
God has designed sex to be a way to receive pleasure.
But is it God's only way for you to receive pleasure in this amazing world?
Did Jesus receive pleasure in this world? (Even without sex?)
For higher drive husbands/wives (or those in sexless marriages): You are a wo/man who doesn't receive the pleasure from sex that you crave.
Jesus was tempted in every way that we are, and yet he never sinned. (HOW???)
For lower-drive wives/porn-induced ED/ED men: When you go on a journey of resensitizing your pleasure to everything this amazing world has to offer, you also resensitize yourself to the amazing gift of intimacy your spouse's unique body that God gives you in marriage.
Gaining pleasure in many more things in this life is incredibly important for you to fulfill God's call in the world.
Too many leaders/pastors/preachers have secret (and sometimes horrific) sins because they have no pressure release from the HARD work of ministry.
They do not have ANY pleasure activities except sex (at least that's what they think constitutes a holy life).
It's hard.
Jesus knows it's hard to resist temptation.
But he had MANY ways of receiving pleasure that had nothing to do with sex
He had zero "sinful outside-of-marriage sex" and he had zero "holy inside-of-marriage sex".
I invite you to listen with a curious heart to how God might want to invite you to resensitize yourself to the pleasure in HIS good world (in and out of marital intimacy) so that you can do the will of the Father ...as Jesus did.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage be all that God wants it to be to ultimately support the life and call God wants you to have... go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for all the information of first steps!
PPS -Recent wife grad: "I wish I could really express just how many celebrations I’ve had through my weeks in this program. Both alone, and in my marriage."
Let's go! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Many of our wife listeners have lower drives than their husbands. (I hear you!) And that’s just the way it is. Nothing to be done, just deal with it.
Also, if they’re like I have been, since she has a lower sex drive she just has to put up with the requirement of her to make love even though she’s less than enthusiastic about it because she has to have sex and can’t do the things she really wants to be doing. Or sometimes avoids it altogether.
I have been there. And so has Sarah.
She and I both have high drive husbands.
And we both know that sex is supposed to be a beautiful gift and a joy for him but we just couldn’t desire it even if we wanted to.
I want to allow you to hear Sarah’s heart because she knew something wasn’t right.
She loved her husband and they waited till marriage to engage sexually together, as is biblical, but her desire just wasn’t there, and it was so disheartening.
But, she rejected the idea that there was nothing she could do about it. Even when sexual assault was in her past, she hoped God could still redeem and heal her sexuality.
I’m excited for you to hear her story and see how you might be blessed by the advice and encouragement.
Her first step was sharing her story with someone who gets it. That was the free Clarity Call she had with someone who had walked this road before and can share there is hope for change!
Love,
Belah
PS - Would you like help? We would love to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a compassionate and helpful conversation to evaluate if you’re a good fit for our programs.
PPS - If you’re a husband who wants his wife to do what Sarah did, the best thing you can do is work on yourself first.
From a guy who has been there, took the next steps, and did the work:
“Before taking the course I would have defined our struggle as not being on the same page sexually. I thought that her view of me, and the attitudes that she held, were hurting our marriage. She thought I was too demanding and moody when my expectations weren't met. I felt she prioritized work, kids, church, her phone, etc. above me. The vast majority of the intimacy we had was duty sex.
My biggest challenge has been my lack of understanding. I didn't realize how much pain I was causing her, or how self focused I was. I was trying to get her to change and should have been working on me. I am skilled at justifying myself and passing blame on my own heart.
Understanding the concepts of Safe, Known, and Cherished was a big deal. Forgiveness and apologizing have been huge. The disciplines of faith statements, gratitude, prayer, and Bible reading make for a solid start to my day.
My wife has told me she feels safe. She has begun to trust that my change is not a passing fad. I have gained understanding in how to love her well. I look forward to being around her, and to pampering her and loving her well. This has overflowed into intimacy emotionally, spiritually, and physically.”
In approaching the new year, I invite you to rewind your calendar and consider...your marital performance in 2023.
What if I asked your spouse what it was like being married to YOU this past year?
Yikes!
If my spouse chose to be fully open and honest I think I'd have plenty of... ehemmm... "growth-opportunities". :)
Seriously though... feel free to go back through your calendar and check out what your priorities were throughout the year.
Day by day. Week by week. Month by month.
What was it like being married to YOU?
If marriage is your first human assignment, was that reflected in...
How you spent your time?
How you spoke/listened to them?
How you spent your energy?
How you loved them the way he or she receives love?
Assume you're looking at your year through your spouse's eyes.
What were your challenges of the year?
What were the things you should celebrate?
Now that you have thought through that...
We all know marriages are under attack, so what are you doing about it in your own home? You want it strong to withstand the challenges.
& If you're a pastor or ministry leader, what are you doing about this for your flock or in your organization?
(Aside: We have some exciting resources for ministry leaders that we'll be sharing with you in upcoming communications -- make sure you're on our email list to get notifications.)
In this episode, I have some practical next steps and things to ponder as you're setting out into this fresh year.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help heal your marriage in 2024 (as has happened many times before), feel free to take us up on our gift to you: Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
As we are soon gathering together with loved ones to celebrate the Savior's birth, I would love for you to remember what life is all about.
When we meet Jesus face to face, what do we want to be true of us?
In today's episode, I walk you through a meditation I did with our men's graduate group a couple of months ago.
It is really meant to give you a chance to consider eternity. What is Christmas really about?
It's about Jesus. And are we living in light of His life, will and ultimate sacrifice.
I invite you to listen in and gain more insight into what you want that day to be. Because we are Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot on marriage, but we will all stand before Jesus one day and this is good practice :)
Love,
Belah
PS - Maybe you're considering launching into a healing season for your marriage in the New Year -- if so, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - A recent lady graduate:
"Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't see how I could be happy with him and it was getting harder as the children became adults.
Death seemed to be the only acceptable answer. I was obviously very unhappy.
Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again.
Physical intimacy is better than ever. He cares about me and I feel secure. When we come together physically, we feel closer and both of us look forward to it!
I miss him when he gets busy with work and would be devastated if something happened to him."
Maybe you're transformation is next. Learn more in a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
It's hard to discern (or even admit) if we are obsessed.
So here's the definition:
"an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind."
Is your marriage an obsession?
Or is God's will an obsession? (And your marriage is an important part of God's will for you.)
I encourage you to consider what God's will is for you in this next season.
It's all about priorities.
If God is your first priority then everything else falls underneath.
He puts all of our lives into perspective.
Marriage shouldn't put all of our lives in perspective. It must be God first, then we can rightly serve our spouse well.
I want to invite you to rightly obsess over God's will and put marriage in its proper place so that it's healed and somewhat on "autopilot" so you can get on with God's will for your life.
Listen in to understand more about what this means for you.
(I have an exciting announcement included in our conversation today, I'd love for you to hear it!)
Love, Belah
PS - If you're in a really hard place or even a really great place, I encourage you to get on a Clarity Call.
Maybe (as a gent emailed me today) your marriage is a 10, but you feel you need to take this course because YOU need to become the man/woman your spouse needs, then we'd love to help.
delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad shared: (we try to never reuse testimonial quotes in multiple emails jfyi)
“I've grown a lot spiritually, I had thought that I had always been a pretty good Christian...but realized that I was very selective in when and how I followed God's word. I feel a lot closer to God, and now realize that I can't really do marriage well on my own and truly need Him.
The program was great! It so aligned with what I needed...
If people seem stuck, don't hesitate to push...I know we should take that initiative ourselves but sometimes a spark or catalyst can help.
I really believe in what you're doing...it's the best program out there… and think this program can really help a lot of people."
Learn more at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
After 33 years of marriage, they were disconnected.
At that point, they were sleeping in separate bedrooms.
Maybe you're at a spot where it's hard to have hope because it has been SO hard for SO long.
Jacques is here to say, even when only you do the work, it can change.
Glory to God.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Could your marriage be one of the next ones to transform? Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. You don't have to, but what if you do?
Quote from a client...
Before the program: "My biggest struggle coming into MR was openness with my wife about what I was thinking and feeling and fear of asking her about what was going on in her life. I had just come out of therapy for my addiction of lust and porn and trust was a big issue. I wanted her to know that she was the only one for me and I didn't know how to do that.
I knew our marriage could be so much more but didn't know how to make that happen. It was a constant weight on me that made my everyday life like walking around on eggshells."
After the program: "DYM has given me the confidence and tools to be able to handle difficult situations with my wife. It has given me such a better understanding of how my wife thinks and what is important to her. I have learned that I have to be the leader of the relationship. I love how the program was based on scripture in the bible. I learned how God wanted us to treat our wives and then how to do it. Surprisingly it has helped with my porn and lustful addiction. Now I respect women and my wife as they are all God's daughters. I am so excited for the next stage of my marriage."
You may wonder when God is going to show up in your life. In your situation. In your marriage. You may believe in God but don’t feel His love for you, or at least haven’t for a long time. Maybe you felt His love for you at first, and that is what brought you to give your life to Jesus, but slowly, things have really gotten stale. Maybe like your marriage. It was great at first. But slowly other loves entered the picture. Children. Careers. Commitments. Current events. Costs. Culture. Cars. Curtains. (Other things that also start with “C”. :) Ultimately, our job is to sacrifice for our priorities. God. Spouse. Kids. Everything else. If you’re not sacrificing for each (in that order), then it makes sense that you’re not feeling the love from them. I encourage you to listen with a curious heart attuned to what the Lord may be drawing you to. Blessings, Belah PS - If you’d like our help with your marriage, your first step is a Clarity Call (a free gift from us) delightyourmarriage.com/cc Before the Delighted Wife Program: "Problems with tension and unforgiveness, exhaustion from childcare, loss of connection and lack of wholehearted intimacy. Husband was extremely resentful of me. I’ve lost respect for him. Was close to divorce. There wasn’t peace at home, kids constantly saw us arguing, I didn’t want to be at home, I was doing many things on my own with the kids because my husband didn’t want to do things with me, I was craving for other male attention who valued me.”
After the Delighted Wife Program:
"My heart has softened and I can now see the brokenness in my husband, that he was just a very wounded soul. He was trying to love me and wanted this marriage to work but he had no clue how to go about improving it and was instead making things worse.
Wholehearted intimacy. Not arguing for a long time and the atmosphere has completely shifted, there is peace at home and he is a much happier and better father to the children...
Impacted everything, it turned everything around. My husband is now loving, patient, caring, and a very present and patient father.”
Tomorrow is the day (in the US) we set aside to be grateful.
Or it’s a day we set aside to get frustrated with family, binge eat, and watch football.
Just kidding.
I invite you to do Thanksgiving this year, Jesus way.
Let’s allow peace, joy, and thanksgiving being the most important aspects of this holiday.
Everything else is after those.
Let’s be intentional to not allow wounds of the past (even from yesterday) to rob our kids or extended family of the opportunity to see how Jesus followers love each other. Whether they deserve it or not.
I want to just encourage you to do a few things if your marriage is tense right now.
Take 100% ownership to turn it to thanksgiving. Here are some very basic and very practical steps.
Love,
Belah
PS - If you’d like our help to turn your marriage around, we’re here for you. Your first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Randy felt lonely, disconnected, and that his wife cared about everything and everyone else more than his wife.
He was a strong believer and prayed for change in his marriage.
He stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage through podcast searching and found something that seemed right. He and his wife really dug into the material. And it did start to make sense.
Sadly, they were again up at 3 am and both very frustrated and hurting. She decided to make the free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
And ultimately, they both chose to do the work together.
As a natural skeptic and somewhat pessimistic he was concerned whether it was...
1- Going to work for them.
2- Whether it had a cult-like vibe.
I think he was wise to consider this. But he assures you on this episode that it wasn't like that at all.
Our goal is marriage transformed so they can continued doing the work of the Kingdom even better.
Randy shares about how they are adoptive parents. Such important work requires a healthy marriage to love well.
I'm so glad to see what God has done in these two and what He's continuing to do!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Join a free Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor like Randy did and see how we can help you specifically: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - The holidays are coming. I encourage you to consider who in your life needs Delight Your Marriage.
Maybe today is the day to tell them:
You say: "Have you heard of DYM?"
They say: "No"
You say: "I'll send it to you".
And then send them one or two and write: "Here are some that I got a lot out of". (That way it doesn't make them feel like you think there's something wrong with them.)
Who knows, maybe you just changed the trajectory of a family, forever. Just by sending them a podcast.
Dads,
When it comes to fatherhood, do you feel at times like you don't know what you're doing?
At times, does the chaos and frustration of it all feel like you're left to solve a very difficult puzzle without directions?
Dr. Don is here to tell you, "Every dad CAN win".
He's been there.
His wife, the "Relationship Ninja", Suzanne wants you to know that you are handpicked by God for this.
For fatherhood.
For your children.
You can do this.
Early on in his family life, Don felt like parenting was more like solving a Rubix cube with no instructions.
Over the years of raising a family of 7 kids and gaining insights from other experts, they've discovered family comes down to 2 words:
a- relationships
and
b- culture
Don says, if you build your family right on the inside, then you can tackle anything that happens on the outside.
They invite you to constantly ask the question: How can I connect to my child today? Words, time, & creating experiences and memories are all examples of how to connect.
I specifically love when Suzanne says as parents, our goal is to take our kids from being parent-controlled to self-controlled.
She also shares how wives can encourage their husbands in the midst.
Seriously, gents, you can win at fatherhood. Even if you didn't have a role model. And even if--like the Rangers (TX MLB not NY NHL :)--maybe your track record hasn't been great... it is possible to still win!
Seriously though...
You can be a good father.
It really is not too late.
Don is opening an opportunity for you in the new year for fathers to learn how to do just that for free. Just email him dads@crazycoolfamily.com to find out more.
Their many resources, podcasts, and courses can be found at crazycoolfamily.com
I hope this message will encourage you to keep fighting to win!
Love, Belah
PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage. Maybe that has felt like it is the thing holding you back from working on your fatherhood.
We'd love to get you to the other side and really enjoy peace and joy in your marriage, thus empowering your kids! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call to discover your first step in marriage healing.
Recent graduate wrote:
Before men's program... "this inability caused me to be concerned about our future and caused me to feel like I was alone... There were so many needs and desires that would go unmet, that I struggled to be holy and joyful.
After men's program... "Too many [celebrations] to recount here! In summary, she has made the most intimate bids for connection with me over the last weeks than I can remember! These have been both sexual and non-sexual.
My biggest celebration could be that I feel loved and desired by my wife again, and that is so fun and empowering for life on a mission!"
Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can help you have that story too!
When I was first with my (now) husband he showed me my value. Value I didn't know I had. Worth I didn't know I was. He taught me how precious my heart was. He taught me how precious my body was. God loved me through my husband. God healed me through my husband. I remember on our first date I told him that I had never felt safer in my whole life. I felt completely respected and honored by this man. I felt like he would protect me from anything and everything (even from himself). Unassuming. Tender. Kind. And when I read the scriptures, I see that is what Jesus is to women. He is kind. He is loving. He doesn't speak to them harshly. He is moved by compassion when they cry. Seriously. Take a minute and think. Is there ever a time that Jesus is harsh to women? Even when he tenderly corrects Martha, it is in protecting Mary (a woman who had the gall to value herself enough to learn from the great Rabbi). I invite you to explore with me how Jesus treated women. Men if you have never learned from Jesus in this way, I think this will help you. It will help you see your wife as the daughter of the king. As a precious soul that you are tasked to heal and care for. And God can heal her through you... through your genuine safety.
Book referenced:
Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you want our help, feel free to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more info. PPS - Recent husband grad: BEFORE: "Constantly getting rejected was demoralizing and took a mental toll on me for sure. Not being listened to and the lack of respect was basically a punch in the gut pretty much daily, causing depression and definitely other issues within the house as well with the kids also." AFTER: "I wanted to think that I was doing all the right things and that it was her problems that were causing all of the issues between, but I was definitely wrong. Through this program, I have realized that I definitely was living up to my "man of the house" role. Mainly I was not providing her safety. My actions, or lack of actions depending on the situation, were not getting my wife into a safe place where she would be in the mindset to share herself with me physically, mentally, or spiritually. By doing this in turn it has proved to be beneficial with what I feel is much more respect from her, especially around the kids, as well as more frequent episodes of lovemaking."
Solomon. The wisest man in the whole world. Ever. Fell to sex. David. The man after God's own heart. Fell to sex. Samson. The real-life superhero. Fell to sex. Falling to sex is something men have done for a long time... AND each was severely punished. 1 Cor 10:8 We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died... These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us... 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted d beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. For your own sake (much less for the sake of everyone who knows you follow Jesus) get humble. Humble yourself while the monster is one inch tall. Confess the internet search, the extended browsing, the questionable conversation, the __________________________.... Get humble at the earliest warning level. Run into the light. Share it exactly with your brother or sister (not co-ed). You have an opportunity to get healed. Put crazy strong boundaries in place. Every man in our community... be open with your sin to another man. Every woman in our community... be open with your sin to another woman. Let's not end up with their consequences... Humble yourself. Be specific. Own your sin. Confess it to another person. Fully repent.
Allow them to pray for you. Submit yourself to their accountability and humble yourself over and over again... ...that you may be healed.
Listen in to today's extra short (since it's a Monday) podcast.
Belah
PS - If you want our help, feel free to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more info.
Today's story is by a wonderful man who needed help to receive the intimacy he was really hoping for.
As a person who believed in Jesus and was serious about the Word of God, the lack of intimacy in his marriage was not something he was willing to find a sinful outlet for.
Instead, he had heard of Delight Your Marriage and began listening to the podcast. After listening for several years, he decided to sign up for the men’s program when it began to be offered.
The first time he went through the 3-month program, he learned, implemented, and saw results!
He saw some great changes in his marriage.
But after a year, he realized it wasn't enough.
So, he did it again...
I invite you to hear what his changes have been this time around, after he had a foundation to build from and really finetune his shifts. He's got some exciting things to share as a result of his second round of the program…an even greater progression of growth in his marriage.
If you've done "all the things" but haven't seen your marriage change, I invite you to listen to David's story...
God is still changing hearts and lives, marriages, and families.
God bless you,
Belah
PS - Could your marriage change? What do you have to lose…and potentially gain? We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
Graduate quote:
Before the program: “Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage. I felt totally unattracted to her and trapped.
I became very depressed as a result of our unhappy marriage feeling like a life sentence that couldn't improve. The inability I felt to do anything positive in my marriage made me hesitant and unconfident in my vocation as a minister. I felt like I had zero positive influence with my own wife, so how could I have any influence with others that I hoped to point to Christ or build a trusting relationship with. Even more so, my role as a dad and as a friend to others was constricted by how small and worthless I felt.”
After the program: “I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt. The faith-statements, the forgiveness exercises, and the daily gratitudes have made an enormous change inside me. The ways my wife saw me as unsafe and unsatisfied all seemed from my heart of anger and ungratefulness toward her. Forgiveness toward her has softened my heart, and the daily gratitude has accumulated to change my attitude toward her, even in a daily way. I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade.”
You may be one who is really good about getting yourself filled up in order to be your best for your spouse.
But for the rest of us, this episode is for you.
I think we know that we cannot give what we do not have.
But that doesn't stop us from trying (and failing often...Oh, how many times I have been there!)
Then my stressed feelings take over and I am not kind or loving to my highest priority human, ehemm, my spouse.
I want to encourage you that God is one who can fill your cup. But you have to discipline yourself and make room for him to renew and refresh you.
Ultimately, your spouse cannot satisfy. God does.
We want to get filled up with him and from that overflow, we bring our best to serving our spouse.
Love,
Belah
PS - How can we help you?
From some people who graduated recently (not married to each other).
Women's program:
Before: There wasn’t peace at home, kids constantly see us arguing, I didn’t want to be at home...My husband was extremely resentful of me. I’ve lost respect for him. Was close to divorce.
After: Impacted everything, it turned everything around. My husband is now loving, patient, caring, and a very present and patient father.
Husband's program:
Before: There were many big marital struggles. Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage. I felt totally unattracted to her and trapped.
After: I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt. I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade.
Wow, I can't begin to think of improving it. It's amazing.
PPS - If you're ready for these changes. Who knows, maybe this'll be you in 3 months?
delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.
He's been a Christian for many years, yet couldn't seem to "crack" how people transform. He knew he wasn't where God would want him to be, but couldn't figure out how to get there.
He had followed Delight Your Marriage for years and applied what he picked up, but it didn't seem to move the needle.
Finally, he decided it was time and joined.
He started seeing changes in himself and changes in his walk with God. And he was thrilled to discover a community of men that was, in his words, "extraordinary."
He learned to be a man of God in a real sense alongside other men growing, as well.
He finally felt unstuck. I hope this is encouraging and inspiring to you as well.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you're a wife or a husband, I encourage you to sign up for a Clarity Call to see how you, too, can witness this kind of transformation in yourself and in your marriage.
delightyourmarriage.com/cc
From a wife graduate who also felt stuck:
"Coming into the program, I felt stuck. My marriage was 1 year into recovery from my husband's infidelity, and though we had been counseling and working on moving forward, I felt like we hadn't made much progress.
I had a major lack of joy and felt depleted emotionally and physically. I was unable to be the mom I wanted to be, and certainly wasn't able to love my husband well (though I wanted to!)"
After the program: "The trajectory of my life has changed in a dramatic way. I feel more sure of the direction my life is heading. I am no longer allowing emotion or fear to control the direction of my life. I want my GPS to be the Bible, and Jesus as the driver. I am sure that God is trustworthy and capable and I am growing in allowing him space to work. I have grown in my character, my life goals are more aligned with God's, and I believe I am being obedient to God's will in my marriage."
My son, age 10, is going to talk to you today. And I invite you to imagine this is your son. What kind of father do you want him to see? A leader? A man of character? A man of strength and integrity? So many wives want that for their sons, but they are unwilling to do what's necessary to make space for that to be a reality. These wives (and sadly I've been in that place way too many times) give into fear. Fear that he won't do what "needs to be done" in her eyes. So, instead of letting him lead, she takes charge and controls, criticizes, and even "mothers her husband" (yuck!)... Then... she expects him to stand up and lead? That wouldn't be sensical. So your husband either shuts down and reverts to apathy or he may get angry and explode. And ultimately, how does that impact the kids? On our episode, my son is actually going to be painfully honest about how we live this out (and there are some less-than-flattering revelations un/fortunately). The point is... Your kids need their father to take his place as the leader of the home. He was designed for this. My son points out, that it's a burden. And taking responsibility for the home is a scary thing. How do you "get" your husband to lead? There's a way to get there and it's not by controlling... it's about giving up the control. (I'll define what that means). I hope wives listen to my son with fresh ears from the perspective of a little boy who needs a dad to look up to. As it may change your heart in a way that my words couldn't. (Also, my son sings a song to his papa at the end... I hope it makes you smile. Song: Saved My Life by Andy Grammer and R3HAB) Love, Belah PS - If you're a wife who is scared to give up control like we are encouraging, I was there! Your next step is a Clarity Call here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc A wife graduated today and wrote: "The trajectory of my life has changed in a dramatic way. I feel more sure of the direction my life is heading. I am no longer allowing emotion or fear to control the direction of my life. I want my GPS to be the Bible, and Jesus as the driver. I am sure that God is trustworthy and capable and I am growing in allowing him space to work. I have grown in my character, my life goals are more aligned with God's, and I believe I am being obedient to God's will in my marriage." God can totally transform your heart and your marriage, we get to walk wives by the hand into that reality many times over. Find out more and how we can help you on a free Clarity Call.
They saved themselves for marriage. (Yay!)
But there were other hurdles encountered as a result of a lack of insight around intimacy and God's wonderful design.
Hear how Lindsay got to the other side. Was it just flipping a switch and suddenly there's freedom? No.
It was a process.
It was a journey, and it took support and guidance.
I look forward to you hearing from someone who got there, and you can, too.
For men: her husband went first.
For women: she had to commit and realize it was important enough for her to get free.
Love,
Belah
PS - Like Lindsay, if you want freedom in your intimacy but have hang-ups from purity culture, you can get on a free Clarity Call to be listened to and asked questions. Maybe our program is the right fit for you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you're a husband who sees his wife "holding back" because of this, Lindsay's husband took the men's program first, so I also encourage you to get on a Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Program Graduate Quote:
Before the program: “We had recurring arguments surrounding intimacy. I felt like [my husband’s] love was conditional and he felt like I neglected his needs.
It was so discouraging. [My husband] felt lonely and I felt like a failure. The cycle would repeat every couple months, leaving both of us discouraged and hopeless that things could ever change… especially after 23 years of marriage. It impacted every relationship in our life, including our kids, work, in ministry, etc.”
Same graduate after the program: “I am amazed at the peace and unity in our marriage. I no longer feel like sex is an obligation but something that I am really learning to enjoy! It’s better than it has ever been. I have a hard time taking credit for it because [my husband] is killing it at implementing the principles from his ‘Masculinity Reclaimed’ program. I have never felt more known, safe or wholeheartedly cherished. It is easy to respond to a man who loves me like this. It is easy to be attracted to and vulnerable with a man who loves me like Jesus loves his church.
I have really grown in vulnerability, boldness and freedom in my sexuality, including discovering how sex can be so enjoyable for me. And turns out, [my husband] LOVES when I enjoy it! I am overcoming my physical insecurities and realizing that my body is a gift for my husband. What a beautiful design and privilege that I can please, comfort and bless my husband in intimacy. I want to continue being courageous to experience all God has for our marriage.
I see how my upbringing and the influence of culture have warped how I think and hindered me from experiencing marriage like God designed. I see how I desperately need God to renew my mind to see myself, marriage and sex the way He does.
This is the best marriage material we have ever come across. The Lord is using you in huge ways!”
DYM Listeners -- Thank you SO much for all your help with this Pre-Engaged Workbook launch. And God got us on the charts... #1 New Release in Christian Dating & Relationships!!! Thanking God for His favor!! (Being on the charts means it will be seen by many more people). And a special thank you to Maria, Delighted Wife Facilitator, who was our amazing book editor! She edited and gave feedback and edited again -- Thank you! May God use this in a mighty way in the lives of those who read it. "It truly is a life changing resource if couples will apply themselves to the principles." Blessings, Belah PS - If you haven't yet purchased / reviewed the Pre-Engaged workbook, would love you to add your 5-star review to help spread this work as far as possible. Thank you!
We are LOVING the excitement about the Pre-Engaged Workbook, which will be released soon.
(It is supposed to go live today, but isn't available yet... there is a hold-up in the review process. We will let you know once it goes live!)
What I think happens a lot in marriages is a dynamic of competition.
They both want to impress their spouse, and both of them are clawing on top of each other trying to get the other one to notice them and admire them.
They’re trying to get their spouse to see that they’re doing a good job.
At the very same moment, the other spouse is trying to get them to see that they’re doing a good job and trying to impress them.
So each is trying to get their security and their approval and their sense of doing a good job from their spouse. And so this competition takes hold.
Instead of enjoying each other and the gift that they are---in the strengths and the differences---they are competing and they can’t see past their own hurt and lack of encouragement from their spouse.
So, what I highly recommend is that you consider if this dynamic is happening in your home.
Are you trying to get compliments and admiration and encouragement from your spouse but getting hurt over and over and over again?
My recommendation is that you listen to this episode to understand how to actually receive the affirmation, the approval, and the encouragement you crave.
The good news is you could actually have both security and affirmation… and change the dynamic from competition to love and generous compliments.
You’ll find out how if you listen to today's episode.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Help could be a click away…you’re invited to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if you’re a good fit for our programs.
What do graduates say about the results of the program?
“Before I took the program, I thought my wife and I were getting on ok, but as it turned out this was far from the case. It soon became clear that my wife had been feeling very lonely and isolated for years, and this had been showing in her behaviour, which though pleasant, was somewhat aloof and detached emotionally.”
“Things moved exponentially, very quickly, though not without struggle and some reverses.. She did not recognise this “new husband” as she put it! …Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we’ve started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she’s begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open. And it’s a delight to see. It almost feels like it used to when we were first dating. Sex has even taken on a completely new appearance.”
I just have to apologize ahead of time because this headline is way too sensational. I can hear you saying, "It's frankly not realistic."
I get it.
But, hear me out. (Or, hear him out...? :)
So, Hunter had twin 4-year-old girls.
His wife was fed up with asking him to change. To pull his fair share. To be proactive in the family responsibilities.
She said she was done. They had talked about divorce in the past, but there was finality this time.
He could tell she was serious. And she was.
This is when a lot of people would feel helpless and decide they're going to give up and end the marriage since their spouse wants a divorce.
Not Hunter.
He had done a Clarity Call a year earlier and wasn't ready to take that step then. But knew, at this point, he had to dramatically change to save his marriage.
He said, "At the beginning of the program, I had trouble getting just a few sentences out before I would bust out in tears..."
Week in and week out Hunter plugged along.
But because of the amazing men in our program, he didn't feel he was doing it by himself.
They were texting him, praying for him, encouraging him each time it got hard.
When he had a bad week and felt absolutely worthless and hopeless, they'd be there to brush him off and remind him WHY he was doing this. They'd help him get encouraged and refocused.
Hunter did one scary change after another, one step forward and one step back, one awkward skill practiced after another until it became normal, natural, and just who he is...
And his wife started to respond.
She started to end the snarky, mean comments.
And she started even being receptive to his touch.
Ever so slowly, she started to trust that he is indeed a new man.
And he was indeed able to heal his marriage even though she didn't do the program.
Now he feels closer to God and he can see that she is closer to God, as well.
Now they are in love again… like when they were first married.
Now their 4-year-old girls are 5, and they are in a family with parents that are unified and loving.
This is a big deal and worth a giant celebration! And, a sensational headline (because it's true).
Love,
Belah
PS - If you need a transformation like Hunter, please don't let hopelessness overtake you. Focus on WHY it's so important for you to save your marriage, and get help.
We have resources to help you every step of the way (literally, it's step-by-step). You may be so flooded with fear and pain that you can't even think straight. It's okay, we've got a step-by-step process. It's proven, and it works.
Wife or husband, we want to help you. Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call.
Like Hunter, take the next courageous step. It's worth it.
Like Hunter, gain clarity on a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Like Hunter... it could save and transform your marriage, forever.
From a recent lady graduate:
"Delight Your Marriage has brought a breath of fresh air to our marriage! It helped me to forgive myself and others for wrong that had been done in my life.
DYM [Delight Your Marriage] gave me new tools to use to revive my marriage and a renewed focus on God to guide and direct our marriage through the next phases of life!
I enjoyed every aspect of this program! From the first podcast I listened to, to the clarity call, accountability calls, modules, and coaching calls! It all has been a joy, challenge, and work that has helped me and my marriage now thrive!"
We invite you to learn more! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
(If you know someone who needs this... forward this episode to them! Maybe you'll save a family.)
We're all insecure.
I am.
You are.
We might not be insecure about the same things, but we've all got it.
Today, I want to talk about the insecurities that are common for women and the insecurities that are common for men. Spoiler alert: they're different.
But the insight most of us miss is that our specific insecurity in marriage actually is harming our spouse.
Because of the way our spouse is designed by God, if there are certain things missing in marriage, it pains them.
Deeply.
This is an episode I hope you'll take to heart.
Your insecurities may be harming your spouse.
Included in this episode:
-What are insecurities?
-What are yours as a husband or as a wife?
-How are they affecting your spouse?
-How to move past them?
-How to get free of them?
I really hope this helps.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to have you on the inside of a program and witness God do something amazing in and through you! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc is the place to sign up for a free Clarity Call.
When asked how we can improve the program a recent graduate wrote:
The course is absolutely brilliant. The course materials (videos and pdfs) are top notch in terms of content, and Belah is totally invested in her teaching and coaching, the content of which is simply superb.
It’s been meticulously researched. And the materials are attractive and mostly very user friendly.
The accountability groups are a master stroke. Most of all, everything is covered by prayer and led by the Holy Spirit. I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.
More importantly no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behaviour as this one. There are very few things that could be improved.
Well done Belah and all the team in producing something that is not only very professional, but is an absolute life saver in so many marriages, including mine!
Amber can tell you straight up... God has changed her.
For so many reasons, she would have said her behavior was warranted.
(I know the feeling and have said the words myself!)
And God was kind to open her eyes to her pride.
The pride that was ripping her husband apart.
And yet, God got her attention.
He stretched forth His hand and showed her what she couldn't see on her own.
He used her husband's leadership to bring her to a place of recognition of her sin.
And then she chose the humble and wise way.
I must say I am SO proud of Amber. How she has grown. How she now lives out the joy that God restored to her marriage!
It's worth celebrating. I hope you'll listen and be encouraged by what God has done in her heart (first), (then) in her marriage, and in her family.
Love and gratefulness for our amazing Father,
Belah
PS - If you'd like to see how to transform your situation, we'd love to help. The first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Client testimonial... before the ladies program (the state of their marriage):
“Completely overwhelming! It was causing pain and sadness in every area of our lives.”
After the ladies program:
"Our love has grown beyond my imagination. My husband and I are tender and loving and supportive to each other like never before. My husband has truly softened over the last few months through my using the tools in this program. Our fighting has stopped! Arguing is not our way of life anymore. Our children are doing so amazing and I can see them feeling settled and safe. Our intimacy is God honoring and I desire my husband…which was never the case!
Our marriage will never be the same! I honestly rejoice every day that Jesus brought this podcast and program in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!"
There can only be 1 answer to this question:
Yes, or No.
Well, who do you go to to answer questions like this?
Do you have a pastor?
A friend?
A mentor?
A favorite author?
A researcher?
A scientist?
A porn counselor?
An SA therapist?
A previous user?
Your own experience?
Your own intuition?
Who has the authority in your life to answer this question?
Ahem... "the great Belah Rose?"
Just so we're clear, when I said, "Let there be light"... it stayed dark.
When your pastor said it... when your favorite author/researcher/friend/counselor/author/confidante said it... probably the same.
Maybe there was a window already open, so God's light actually allowed it to be light... but ultimately, they don't have power or authority anywhere, ANYWHERE close to God.
God.
But is He the biggest authority to you?
Does what He says matter to you the MOST?
I invite you to pause. Ponder.
Are His words MOST important?
To you?
Let's say, your answer is yes.
But then, how do you know what God says... especially about an exclusively 21st-century issue, i.e. porn?
Well, actually it isn't a 21st-century issue.
And God speaks about it. Many times.
And He clearly answers this question.
I don't know if you want to hear it, but He does speak to it.
Before we get there.
In truth...
Apathy is easier.
Skepticism is easier.
Laziness is easier.
But just because you don't care (apathy),
or believe (skepticism),
or want to (laziness),
...swim away from the impending waterfall,
doesn't mean it won't kill you when you inevitably get to it.
Do you care what the Bible says? Do you believe what the Bible says? Do you want to discover what the Bible says?
I had a conversation via email with a dear friend about a year ago. I would love for you to read it to learn why I think the Bible should be pursued, is trustworthy, and can be utterly wonderful for you: delightyourmarriage.com/bible
So, to answer this question...
"The great Belah Rose" fears God too much to not tell you:
yes, it is a salvation issue.
"Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart...
better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."
Jesus says it is. We're talking about hell. We're talking about lust. We're talking about salvation.
(In Matthew 5:28)
I hope one day this will be true of me...
"I never shrank back from telling you what you needed to hear... either publicly, or in your homes [or in your earbuds].
I have had one message...
the necessity of repenting from sin
and turning to God,
and of having faith in our Lord Jesus."
Acts 20:20-21
Belah
PS - Next steps:
Repent from your sin.
Turn to God [i.e. read your physical Bible to learn / discover / encounter who He actually is] and have faith in our Lord Jesus.
PPS - There IS hope AND help. Maybe we can help. Jesus most definitely can help! If you’d like to investigate whether or not we can help, we invite you to schedule a free, no obligation Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a graduate of Masculinity Reclaimed:
Before MR: "My sex life was a mess before I found DYM. It's really hard to find anyone that will talk to you about sex in a godly way. The world is full of lies, DYM pulls the truth out of the Bible and gives you exactly what you need to get on a healthy trajectory for your marriage and sex life!”
After MR: “I think my biggest celebration is just having the weight of discontentment lifted. It is so frustrating and depressing to be constantly dissatisfied with your sex life. It truly is like carrying around a huge weight. To finally be free of that and realize that I could be satisfied and happy without doing anything but changing my heart posture was amazing. I no longer feel like the victim of a bad marriage, but rather the recipient of a blessed marriage!"
I don't have to tell you that the enemy is out for families. Because the best-case scenario is a mom and dad that love each other raising children that grow up to be the men and women to do God's will in the earth.
So, if the enemy can tear at the soul of the marriage. The most sacred part. The intimacy. Then the family crumbles.
But God.
Wayne is so courageous to share what God has done because he knows it can help someone, maybe like you to know you're not alone.
This is a story I've heard many times. Wayne made a big error. One that could have changed his family's future to one completely different with so much pain and heartache.
When he was found out, it was the hardest days of their lives. It was devastating.
A friend told him about Delight Your Marriage.
When he heard Mick's testimonial (Episode 363) he knew he had to do the program and he went ahead.
It wasn't easy for him. It took ownership. It took struggle. It took perseverance. It took time. It took patience.
It took prayer. It took other men rooting him on. Encouraging him. Praying for him.
He didn't give up.
And God healed their marriage.
God healed their connection.
God healed his wife's heart.
There is so much good in that home now. Their many kids feel more relaxed and able to be themselves in the home. Their friendship is stronger. He appreciates all the levels of connection he now enjoys with his wife.
She said, "if you told me this [is how it would be] a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it." He agrees "That's not who I was" but now it is.
God be praised.
I hope you are encouraged by another journey that God is healing families. It's not easy but it is SO worth it.
If you needed this to own your mess and turn your family's future around. It's time. Don't waste any more precious time and join our men's program to transform it all.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Have a conversation with Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see how we can help you.
PPS - A different husband who graduates next week wrote:
"I feel very different. A kinder, more gentle, caring human being has emerged.
I feel more confident in myself and in my masculinity.
I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.
More importantly, no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behavior as this one."
Maybe it's your turn: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Driving down the road, crying out to God.
And, maybe, the strongest he's ever heard the Lord responded to him.
It wasn't rebuke. But an invitation.
He saw into the heart of God.
Real tears started rolling down his face.
I invite you to listen to Dan's story.
Maybe it's not unlike yours...
...have a marriage, for some decades.
...have gone through struggles and broken dreams.
...have a couple of children.
...desire to be who God called him to be.
...desire to have the connection with God he hoped was available.
A friend at church shared with him about the podcast.
He started listening to dozens of episodes... and eventually felt he needed to do a call.
He took the courage to have a Clarity Call with Dana.
Then found out his friend did the program and was on the podcast himself testifying of what God had done.
I hope you are encouraged that, just as God spoke to Dan, He wants that level of connection and intimacy with YOU.
I invite you to shut off distractions and go before Him...
...in joy, silence, praise, worship, prayer, bowed head, bowed knee, bowed heart... before our love, God, King and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Love,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help you draw closer to God, live His way, and witness God transform your relationships: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Dan references the Pre-Dating workbook.
Also, from a different wife who graduated today:
"What can a blind man who now sees say, except "Praise God! It's a miracle! My life has been forever changed and I will be eternally grateful!"
God did ALL of the work and He gets all of the credit. But He 100% did it through this program."
Sign up for a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
I should be clear... I don't struggle with this. The stories I share about my pride in this episode are a complete rarity. Almost never happens.
I also don't struggle with lying... :D
(Just kidding :)
I need this learning as much as anyone... which is why I'm excited to share what God is teaching me!
"My spouse needs to change..."
"[He is / She is] doing so many bad things...so many..."
"There's nothing I can do unless [he / she] changes..."
I knew this was a disempowering mindset that I saw often.
But it wasn't until this week when God confronted me with my pride, that I learned that "self-pity" is the sin of pride.
Ouch.
But true.
(I learned this through the book by R. T. Kendall's The Power of Humility. I highly recommend it.)
Wallowing in your pain isn't God's way.
"But I don't deserve to be treated like this!"
I hear you.
Job didn't deserve his suffering either.
His suffering was profound.
Maybe yours is too.
Job started out strong. Even when others encouraged him to deny God's goodness, he stayed faithful to God and honored His faithfulness regardless.
But eventually, he succumbed to self-pity, he was severely corrected for his wallowing in self-pity.
I hope you and I will heed what God said to Job. And that we would respond the way Job did to His correction.
I encourage you to lean into His discipline.
He is a good Father who disciplines His children.
God is kind to bring us to repentance.
And don't worry... I needed this episode too. Let's draw near to God. Lay down our pride and acknowledge and seek Him as Lord and King.
Love,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call.
PPS - If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now to give you insights on what needs to change and the first steps in how to with free resources... go to delightyourmarriage.com/health to take the Marital Health Assessment.
From another recent graduate:
Before the men's program:
"Struggles - Arguing, lack of trust, loss of peace frequently, little laughter, lack of joy, lack of fun. I was worried that if I didn't change, my wife might leave me after the kids leave for college.
After:
"Getting compliments and thanks from my wife (I would get them so so rarely). My wife hugging and kissing me and being playful. Holding hands and walking together when outside in public.
Peace at home, laughter between us and with kids. We are in love again."
Final thoughts:
"It's the best life changing thing that happened to me.
Its changed my view about my wife, about women, it helped me change to understand my wife and women better, helped with my relationship with my kids, my mother and sister.
My relationship with my mom and sis was very bad, it's improving now. Trying to use the CIRQUE, No arguments, gratefulness, compliments at work and other relationships.
It's worth a million bucks!!!!"
Glory to God!
We'd love to help you too! Find out more on a free Clarity Call: http://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Back 1.5 years ago, Taylor went through the men's program and witnessed God do some important work. Most important: in his heart.
But as Jesus says:
For from within, out of the heart of man,
come evil thoughts, sexual immorality,
theft, murder, adultery, coveting,
wickedness, deceit,
sensuality, envy, slander,
pride, foolishness.
All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
If the point of Delight Your Marriage is to help men and women get their heart right, then of course the rest would follow.
My encouragement to you today, is focus on the heart. Focus on surrendering your heart to the Lord so He can free you of all of that which you hate.
He is God and there is freedom with Him.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you're looking for changes like this, we would love to help you on a Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
From another recent graduate:
MR Grad: “GOD is certainly using DYM [Delight Your Marriage] to impact lives.”
Before MR: “Some of the biggest struggles I was facing were that marital intimacy was all but nonexistent. That included emotional intimacy- whether I wanted to see that or not.
I have long struggled with pornography... My self-worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough.
After MR: “I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God.
In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit.
The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.”
We are indeed at war.
Now is not the time to walk idly by.
Now is not the time to pretend it's all just fine.
Now is not the time to think only about ourselves.
And your marriage matters during the tribulation.
Regardless of who endures the end times (our generation... or the next, or next, or next...) what you do or don't do in your marriage matters.
Whether or not Christianity is worthwhile to your kids can be significantly impacted by what they see in your marriage.
But what does preparing for the end times PRACTICALLY look like?
What does marriage have to do with the end times? Actually, a lot.
Well, I am hoping today's episode is entertaining and encouraging.
Thank you,
Belah
PS -
We'd love to help you delight your marriage. Your first (courageous, yet super easy -- and worth it!!) step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Men's Graduate Quote:
"Your program is so holy spirit inspired. I just continue to be amazed at the content in the teaching. I like that it was very practical and easy to understand. I love that the first and main focus was on our relationship with God before it moved into other areas or even included our wives."
As an Amish growing up, Donny has had quite the journey.
Just a couple of years ago after God rescued him from a very difficult place, his marriage actually was fairly good.
He found and listened to the podcast for quite a while and felt convicted that he needed to do the men's program.
He was content in his own marriage, he just wanted to know if he could recommend it to others.
But he was surprised to see how helpful it was to him personally, and his marriage grew even more than he thought possible. :)
Things got tricky when some people approached him with concern about the fact that I'm a lady in leadership.
Wisely so, he and his wife grappled with and prayed about it.
He distinctly felt the Lord speak to his heart about it. I would love for you to hear what he felt the Lord say.
I hope his story encourages you.
Love,
Belah
PS - If you would like to see how we can help you, take the courageous step and sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Delighted Wife Grad Quote:
Before DW: "We had a home full of animosity. Chaos. Yelling and fighting. We were not intimate."
After DW: "This program has truly changed my marriage forever! This has empowered me to forgive, put my trust in Jesus, and to bring my marriage to the place I never thought possible. I started this program broken and in utter despair. The sadness and the defeat was a physical pain. That weight has been lifted off of me. We still have things to work on, but so thankful for the tools and hope to keep on pursuing toward the marriage I dreamt of!"
As empty nesters, you know how they say you'll enjoy growing old together. Well, Kim says, "We were growing older, but not enjoying it."
Kim was suffering in her marriage -- crying on her friend's shoulder. As they prayed that God would change it.
Then, that friend told her about the podcast, the one you're listening to.
That friend also told her husband. After hearing all the testimonials, he joined the men's program.
Kim was kind of annoyed that he did this. Because she also listened to a couple of episodes and it pointed to areas of her marriage that she had wounding around.
Things turned around... REALLY beautifully.
I know Russ, her husband, and Kim pretty well by now (after two years) and it has been remarkable seeing this couple grow.
Their first transformation story was episode 293 (be sure to check that out!). That was the first time I met Kim.
It's been amazing to have her in the Delighted Wife program and to see what God has done through it.
May this story encourage you. There is hope. If you're suffering and crying on a friend's shoulder... you just never know what God might do.
We invite you to take the next step and schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Kim's entire marriage turned around because a friend had the courage to point her to a podcast. What if YOU are meant to be that friend to someone else?
I invite you to forward this to someone who may need hope... hope that God still transforms marriages and families.
Recent wife grad quote:
"Belah has done the most important thing for me which is change the negative beliefs that I have had concerning my marriage and helped me to see from a renewed perspective which has forever impacted my marriage! Both my husband and I am grateful for what this program has done for us.
I have attended many marriage seminars and trainings throughout my marriage and this is by far the best investment I have ever made."
My heart goes out to any wife who has experienced sexual abuse. There are so many layers of pain... it's truly horrible.
As a husband, the evil that was done to your wife harmed her immeasurably. The person you love the most.
And it impacted your marriage, your intimacy, and your life forever.
Is healing possible?
What if she doesn't "DEAL WITH" her abuse?
(Sometimes I hear men say that their hands are tied if she doesn't deal with her trauma.)
Can a husband do anything?
I believe Bill's story can give you hope.
He would say, "Yes."
From many years of a full life but an empty marriage, he is thrilled to tell you, there is hope even for your marriage.
He has 43 years under his belt.
He was a self-diagnosed "podcast addict." :) Always looking to FIX his wife. He knew there had to be a solution. But nothing moved the needle
...until Delight Your Marriage.
He said after 3 months of the Masculinity Reclaimed program (MR)...
from decades of passionless marriage, they feel "like 60-something teenagers ...we're so in love!"
His wife sent me an email after she heard his interview and she confirmed what he said and shared her sentiments as well. I read that on the podcast as well.
May you be encouraged for yourself or others!
(I encourage you to share this with someone who may need exactly this hope and encouragement!)
Love,
Belah
PS - You're ready to witness God's transformation like Bill? It's as easy as a phone call to a friend, her name is Dana, and she's our Clarity Advisor. :) delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Sign up for a free Clarity Call to help you sort through the hard and gain insight on next steps... possibly with us to have a transformation like Bill's!
PPS - This episode made my husband cry... that doesn't happen often. I hope it is healing to your heart like it was to his.
Quote from a program grad:
"I would recommend this program to any husband who feels trapped like I did when I first reached out to Belah. I came into this program looking for someone to 'straighten out my wife.' Truth be told, I needed more help then she did. Belah challenged the narrative in my head. She pushed me to be vulnerable and soft and patient - all things that run counter to our culture. It was not always easy. In fact, it was often very uncomfortable and felt silly. But once I realized it wasn't about me and I committed wholeheartedly, I saw my wife begin to change before my eyes. The changes I made in MYSELF changed my wife. It wasn't always easy and it required more patience than I sometimes had, but in the end it was worth it. Every aspect of my relationship with my wife has improved and that was more than I bargained for. I have a greater understanding of who my wife is and why she is so special to both God and myself. Belah didn't fix my marriage - she did something better. She gave me the tools and the guidance to fix it myself, with God's help. This allows me to continually work on it, improve it, and cherish it after my time [in Delight Your Marriage] is over and for that I will always be thankful."
Clarity is crucial in a marriage because it allows individuals to gain self-awareness, understand their own emotions and behaviors, and without even realizing it, it can help you take responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamics. Maybe you didn't "cause it" but you haven't worked to solve it.
When couples face challenges or conflicts, it's easy to blame each other or external factors without examining what is really going on under the surface of the behaviors. A Clarity Call encourages an individual to look carefully at themselves, their patterns, history, and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, actions, and current situation.
Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
By engaging in a Clarity Call, individuals can identify their own patterns and unresolved issues that may be impacting the relationship. It helps them recognize their own biases, insecurities, woundedness, and areas for personal growth. Through a Clarity Call, individuals can better understand how their own behaviors and reactions may influence the dynamics within the marriage.
Believe it or not, a Clarity Call can also foster empathy and compassion. When Dana speaks with an individual -- they take the time to understand their own experiences, process them, and become more attuned to their partner's emotions and perspectives.
This increased awareness enables them to approach conflicts with empathy, communicate more effectively, and find solutions that meet both partners' needs.
This is why the individuals on today's call said this:
-
"After that call, everything that I went through, it was just like, all the pieces of a major puzzle being put together."
-
"You make it very easy. You make it our lives are in chaos and you guys just speak peace right into that situation and calm it down to where we can unload what we need to unload."
-
"It was a great experience something I’ll never forget because it was a great moment that I’ll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life."
Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Courtney fell in love and got married to a wonderful Christian man.
But soon after marriage, she found out he had a hidden life of dark, sexual fantasies and wanted to have that conversation, etc. in their bedroom during, what should have been, holy intimacy. She wanted to please him and was conflicted with his desires.
He was miserable and would guilt her about it. Eventually, she hated him and refused all forms of intimacy.
She felt like she was in a fog of disillusionment, sadness, and isolation.
She felt like she must be the only one going through this. She was desperate.
Other counselors said they couldn't help her if he wasn't willing to be a part of it.
She found Delight Your Marriage podcast and heard something different. She ended up bingeing them for two weeks and then took the courage to have a Clarity Call.
She said how healing even that was. And, made the decision to dive into the coaching program, "Delighted Wife."
She has her own business, and it was her busy season, so she was really nervous that she wouldn't be able to make the time. But it was like God just opened up her schedule once she committed.
Week by week, God started healing her heart. Sometimes it felt like they went back a few steps, and it was really hard. But she gained insights into how to heal the past and productively fix the brokenness of their marriage.
Now her marriage (just 14 weeks later) is truly unrecognizable. She "longs to respect and admire him." (really!)
Their intimacy is wonderful -- just as she had always dreamed of before she even got married!
From a man who was critical and never satisfied with what she would give...
He said, "This is the most fulfilled I've ever been in my whole life."
God be praised!
(One final cool detail... he doesn't even know she did the program.)
There is hope for you. Or, for a friend you know who is in a similar situation. There. Is. Hope.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Transform your marriage as Courtney did.
It starts with a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
It could be the very best thing you've done for yourself, your marriage, and... (as Courtney said) your children's futures.
Quote from a program graduate...
Before the program: "The feeling of pain that I wasn’t perfect enough for my wife to love. It also felt like I was doing everything for our marriage. and the fact that [my wife] didn’t want to put any effort into it. I really longed for emotional connection. And also for [wife] to feel attracted to me."
After the program: "First...that God loves me and can do miracles. That my wife loves me and is telling me so. My wife wants connection with me. [wife] is also becoming vulnerable with me.. and every morning I wake up it’s a new day to love the people I get to be with that day."
I'd like to share Kevin's story, mostly in his own words.
As always, there is a huge message of hope and transformation available in this story, so I hope you'll listen in!
After 28 years of marriage, feeling like roommates, Kevin said "I felt helpless" and "very isolated, very alone" in the struggles he experienced.
As a very successful (and busy!) IT exec overseeing teams in India, UK, France, and elsewhere, and really being able to figure out most things on his own...
It was confusing to not be able to figure out marriage in the same way. And it was painful to hear his wife caring more about something like Diet Coke than him. Logically, he knew it wasn’t true but it sure felt like it at times.
He listened to the DYM transformation stories (like this one!). And they sounded too good to be true.
But he kept hearing parts of his story over and over again through other people's DYM interviews.
He thoroughly checked into the DYM work and dived into the podcasts.
Of the work, he said, "the more and more I listened, the more I found and heard the biblical basis of everything and heard the logic."
Then, he took courage and had the Clarity Call which he said "the Clarity Call was exactly what it says: it was very clarifying."
Once in, of the program: "It was very incremental, very linear, and based in a way where it clicks, where it makes sense."
"The feedback loop, the accountability, the camaraderie of all the other gentlemen going through the program, that environment is an extra dimension of learning that I think is important, if not key to success."
"It pours all the ingredients together to make things work."
"I talked about things I have never talked about with anybody in my whole life during that part of the program."
Through the Delight Your Marriage program, Kevin experienced an improvement in his marriage and a greater sense of fulfillment and walk with God.
We would love to take the next step with you too. Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and we can witness your transformation as well!
(And who knows, maybe just like Kevin, you'll be our next transformation story who initially thought it was "too good to be true"!)
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now so you can get clear on the aspects to improve, fill out the Marital Health Assessment for a free evaluation of your marriage health so you can take steps to make it even better! delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS -- Take action now and sign up for the Clarity Call. Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and we can witness your transformation as well!
I am grateful so many men share their unfiltered hearts with me.
It is an honor and a privilege.
I find that many men feel extremely misunderstood. And they have numbed their pain just to "get through".
The problem with numbing is we don't see the people right in front of us and the pain they are experiencing.
What I see so frequently is men who are desperately trying to be the men God designed them to be, but are frustrated with the lack of respect in their marriages.
I want to help you understand...
1 - that your feelings here are valid and even God-designed
2 - there is a productive way to handle this gap
(Spoiler alert: it starts on the inside of you.)
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS --
Are you curious about the overall health of your marriage? Respect is a big piece and when it's missing, it impacts the emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy of a marriage.
Discover the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage with our free online Marital Health Assessment delightyourmarriage.com/health
When you do, we'll send you some free resources and recommendations based on your specific situation and needs.
Fill out the free Marital Health Assessment now. delightyourmarriage.com/health
Graduate Quote:
"It's changed it completely, our home environment is filled with tenderness, compassion, love and respect."
Oh, the pain of frustration, being consistently misunderstood, and having your needs (legitimate needs) consistently trampled upon.
Both Jerry and Joyce felt it. And Jerry desperately looked for answers. Delight Your Marriage wasn't his first program -- but unfortunately, the other one gave advice that almost drove his wife to a nervous breakdown.
Jerry didn't get out of his marriage, though his frustration level (due to his hurt) was through the roof.
The pain was so deep for her, she couldn't even attend the church he pastored.
Joyce was considering separation and even talking with lawyers.
But then Jerry decided to give Delight Your Marriage a try.
Now... a year later, Joyce not only loves her husband again, but "likes him," too.
("Liking" your spouse can be way harder than "loving" them.)
She's actually looking forward to raising their small children together and is happy even being a pastor's wife now.
The healing that has taken place in just over a year, is now impacting every single person in their ministry and family life.
God is amazing and we give Him all the credit for this transformation!
We are honored He has used the programs of Delight Your Marriage to help bring about these changes for them.
If you're at a similar place (or not quite as extreme), then know there is hope for you, too.
There is a price for change like this -- effort, time, financial investment, energy, courage, humility and even getting uncomfortable --
But take it from Joyce...
It is worth it.
Your next step is to get on a Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc ) to discover how to change you that will impact all those around you (and specifically your marriage).
Love,
Belah
PS - Seriously... It's time to discover how you can be the change agent God wants to use to turn your marriage around, so you love AND like your spouse.
delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Have a free Clarity Call to gain insight and discern your next steps: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - If you know a marriage that needs hope like this, will you take the courage and care to forward this episode on? You may be saving a family and faith community in the process.
Quote from a course graduate:
"The things that I’ve learned are really priceless when it comes to my marriage… When I first started this program it seemed like my wife didn’t even want to talk to me, much less make love to me. Man how things have changed...The changes that I see in my wife are nothing short of a miracle, she has went from being cold and callous, To warm and loving!"
Join us for an inspiring conversation with Jenny, a loving housewife and mother of four from Finland. In this episode, Jenny shares her remarkable transformation journey and the positive impact it had on her marriage.
Previously working as a nurse before having kids, Jenny and her husband made a conscious decision to prioritize their family and serve the Lord in a unique way. Through their involvement in a discipleship-making movement, they found Delight Your Marriage, a program that brought significant changes to their lives.
Jenny's husband initially joined the men's program and experienced a profound transformation (from her perspective as the wife). Encouraged by his progress, Jenny recognized her own need for growth and decided to embark on her own journey. She realized that she had lost touch with her own needs while prioritizing the needs of her family, often neglecting her spiritual well-being.
But she realized she was busy and God spoke to her heart that she was being a "Martha" far more than a "Mary."
Through the Delighted Wife program, Jenny discovered the importance of immersing herself in the Word of God, prayer, and worship. These foundational habits reignited her passion for the Lord, restoring her joy for her children, and enabling her to share the Gospel with others.
One significant change in Jenny's transformation was her renewed desire for intimacy in her marriage.
As she developed a deeper understanding of how women and men were designed, thanks to participation in the program, Jenny felt more comfortable expressing her needs to him.
By cultivating new habits and taking small steps, Jenny found her way back to a more fulfilling and vibrant spiritual life.
She shares her story as an example of how investing in one's marriage, time with God, and meditating on the Word of God can lead to profound transformation. If you're longing for a more joyful, intimate, and fulfilling marriage, Jenny's story is sure to inspire you.
To hear Jenny's full story and learn more about her transformation journey, listen to the complete interview on this episode.
If you're ready to take the next step in your own marriage, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and discover how Delight Your Marriage can help you experience a delightful and intimate marriage like never before.
Remember, your marriage is a precious gift that deserves your investment and attention.
Don't miss out on the incredible transformation possible when you prioritize your relationship and embrace personal growth.
Love,
Delight Your Marriage team
PS - Ready to experience a delightful and intimate marriage? Take the next step towards transforming your relationship by signing up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc today.
Discover how Delight Your Marriage can empower you to cultivate a deep and fulfilling connection with your spouse.
Quote from a program grad:
"If you're committed to the program and make it a priority, you can be truly successful! Bella has changed our marriage in a really special way."
Mother's Day is almost here! (This Sunday!)
Make sure the mom in your life is getting treated really nicely! She is WONDERFUL and deserves to be celebrated!
I have a wonderful mom.
She sacrificed so much for me. I am forever in her debt.
As a mom myself... I believe sacrificing to be a good mom brings her greater joy than if she had never sacrificed at all.
Sacrifice. Duty. Responsibility.
Sounds antiquated, old-fashioned, and maybe even oppressive...?
Am I morally obligated to take care of my kids?
Did I assume the responsibility for their well-being when my husband and I enjoyed...
...ehemm...
"actions with procreative potential"...
which (happily) resulted in a child?
I would submit the answer is "yes."
I now lay down Feelings and pick up a life built upon proper values.
Hopefully, your mom did the same... otherwise, it would have been a very difficult existence for you.
The nature of a mother: assuming a role and duty to care for those souls entrusted to her.
What does this have to do with wives?
In today's society, we often hear that women should only make love if they Feel like it.
And they might say it's bad to make love when you don't naturally desire it. When you don't Feel like it.
If I used that logic in caring for my children... only when I Feel like it, they'd justly arrest me for child neglect.
I am a self-centered, selfish, self-focused, narcissist if I am led by Feelings.
Feelings are not my guide.
Jesus is.
How do I know who Jesus is, so I know what He is like, and what He wants of me?
The Bible.
Is there any other source that clarifies who and what Jesus asks of me better than the Bible?
No.
If all that is true... why is it we (ok... maybe it's just me :) struggle like this...
Feel down, follow by: laying on the couch...with a bag of Cheetos
Feel anxious, follow by: distracting my worries by scrolling through interesting video clips
Feel tired / annoyed / down / uncomfortable / frumpy / fat / unattractive / undesireable / lazy / anxious / stressed / cramped / worried / distracted / entertained / even happy..., follow by: heading straight to bed avoiding all manner of intimacy... at all costs.
At times, my mouth says: "Jesus is my King,"
but in real life: "my Feelings rule".
(These all certainly have been true, but when I repent sincerely and come back to Jesus' way, He has helped me to stop following the tempting Feelings less and less.)
We all need to live by our values from the Bible.
The Bible becomes the standard for life and there are a lot of important things about marriage, marital sacrifice, and the purpose of marital intimacy.
It would be worthwhile to look these up: Matt 19:4-6, Mark 10:6-9, Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Timothy 5:14, Romans 13:13-14, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, Hebrews 13:4.... and that's just the New Testament!
I assume the responsibility of taking care of my children, to fulfill the role of Mom.
I assume the responsibility of taking care of my husband, to fulfill the role of Wife.
This is not following the world's definition of happiness.
It is true happiness.
This is in God's will.
This is following Jesus.
Happy Mother's Day!
I bet you wouldn't wish you followed Feelings more and sacrificed less to follow Jesus... in your role as a Mom.
I invite us both to hold that same standard for your role as a Wife.
You have sacrificed well, happily, and joyfully...and it is worth it! :)
Bravo & thank you!
The precious souls in your care, thank you!
Love,
Belah
PS If applying this thought process toward your spouse feels convicting, we understand and have been there, too. We're here to help...if you want help, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Do Delight Your Marriage programs help? That's a fair question...here's another graduate quote to give you hope:
Before the program challenges were:
"low sex drive, no physical pleasure from sex, pressure to have sex often, resentful of having to have sex often, insecure body image"
After the program:
"I now look forward to sex, enjoy it physically, am able to seduce my husband, and we both feeling amazingly satisfied all the time!!"
Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This title was hard to come up with.
Essentially, I want you to have the tools and mindset to figure out how to set boundaries with yourself and with others when needed.
Jesus was the servant of all.
He came to serve not to be served.
He was the most humble and meek.
And yet, Jesus set boundaries.
A lot.
Here are a couple, but once you read this, you'll probably not be able to read a parable or look at the life of Jesus without noticing His leaning into boundaries over and over again.
Jesus disappointed people because his priority was God over people
In Mark 1:35-39,
- Jesus wakes up early to pray, but his disciples come looking for him, saying that "everyone is looking for you."
In Matthew 16:21-23,
- Jesus tells his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer at the hands of the elders, chief priests, and scribes. Peter rebukes him, saying that this should never happen to him.
- Jesus responds by telling Peter that he is setting his mind on human things rather than God's things and calls him a hindrance.
In Luke 14:25-33,
- Jesus sets the boundary of the cost of discipleship. He says anyone who wants to follow him, essentially compared to their love for Jesus, must hate their family and even their own life. They must carry their own cross, and give up all their possessions.
- If they're not willing to pay this price, they can't follow him.
In John 2:13-17,
- Jesus clears the temple of the money changers and merchants, telling them to stop making his Father's house a marketplace.
- He shows anger and uses physical force to set this boundary.
Jesus was the servant of all but did not allow anyone to trod on boundaries.
So, what if you are trodding on God's boundaries?
What if your spouse wants to trod on the boundaries set by God?
Sexual boundaries?
Disrespect boundaries?
Other boundaries?
Should you set boundaries with yourself?
Should you set boundareis with your spouse?
If so, how?
Is there a way to have a generous heart and a kind spirit and yet set a firm boundary?
This conversation goes into these things that are HARD to tease through.
I don't think I have it all right.
This is a topic that I feel a bit reticent to release. And I think it will require prayer as you discern how it applies to you.
And what your next steps are.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - Let us know if this topic spoke to you and if we can help, email us at belah at delightyourmarriage.com
PPS - Quote from a program graduate: “I have become a delighted, playful wife that enjoys and desires sex.
My relationship to the Lord, my husband and our daughter has become more intimate.”
Pastor David had a rocky start with his marriage.
Facing his hurts wasn't what he actually wanted to do. He was nervous to bring it up to his wife -- they share all their finances. So he brought it up to her and said he wants to transform into the man, husband and father he wants to become.
Even only 4 weeks into the program, Pastor David's wife commented, "I have noticed a change. Keep it up. It was worth the money."
And she is not a physical touch kind of person, which was his highest love language. Yet, even in just those 4 weeks of implementing what was taught in the course, this has increased.
It's hard to face our pain, isn't it! It's tough to be vulnerable about the things we struggle with that are closest to our hearts...yes, it takes courage to open those wounds up so that we can get them healed.
Husband... wife... you don't have to struggle alone. Do you desire to grow but don't have a safe space to be open and real with what is going on in your heart and marriage?
We're here for that...we're a safe place to gently open up that really private, hurting space...or that struggle that you don't dare to share with anyone in your life.
We want your heart to be healed. We want to help you break free from the chains that hold you back. We want to breathe life into your weariness, hope into your despair, and help you be the man or woman of God that you long to be in your marriage and family...and ministry.
There is hope! We invite you to fresh faith and to follow even closer to the One who is THE way, THE truth, and THE life.
We'd love to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if our program would be a good fit for you.
Blessings,
Darcy (on Belah’s behalf)
PS - The Pre-Dating workbook is finally here! If you've been blessed (like David -- who said he already bought 6! and plans to buy more!) by the content from Delight Your Marriage over the years and want to see young people get these tools before they ever get married, get your copy now! https://amzn.to/3NhF8DL
Our interview is about how to get a young person to read/do this workbook that could set them up for a successful dating and married life!
WOW! I am honored and grateful! My goodness.
So, the story goes... yesterday morning Amazon told me that it might be 3 days before the workbook could be live...
Pre-Dating Workbook: What you need to know and do before you start dating (and definitely during)
Biblical guidance from a marriage trainer and coach
https://amzn.to/40Hr21D
Eeek!
Of course, we've all been counting down the days and the launch day was Friday.
So yesterday (Thursday) I sent an ask to my list that they would pray that it would in fact be live on Friday.
And guess what posted late on Thursday.
By the time I saw it, somehow some clients had picked it up and already had purchased AND already had REVIEWED!!!
So, today BEFORE we even told our email list that it was live, it has been named #1 New Release for Christian Youth Ministry!!!!
WOW!
THANK YOU if you have already purchased! If not, here's the link!
https://amzn.to/40Hr21D
People have asked us for years to get some kind of pre-marriage resources out.
And NOW it's here!
The first of 3 pre-marriage resources is being launched THIS Friday.
Pre-Dating Workbook: What you need to know & do before you start dating (but definitely during).
Biblical guidance from a marriage coach & trainer.
If you'd like more details and/or would like to give us your thoughts on what should be included go to delightyourmarriage.com/dating
And you'll be on the list to get updates, maybe even some surprises around it! :D
Brett is fantastic! Firstly, many men have a similar past that we work with but don't share it openly. I really appreciate Brett's boldness to share and it encourages so many others!
That yes, even for your history, there IS HOPE!
My favorite quotes:
-
"Now, I can't wait to go home at night."
-
"[I have] closer friendships in MR than what I have in everyday life...It's unexplainable how you feel when you've got guys or brothers reaching out to you."
-
"The biggest thing is my relationship with Lord has grown."
His marriage is transforming, healing, and trusting again -- his friendships are deep and encouraging, and as a father, he's influencing his kids for the Lord.
(His wife is really liking the changes -- but he hasn't yet shared that he did the program.)
His relationship with the Lord is thriving like never before!
It's amazing to see what God has done! I hope you will feel encouraged too!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like help like Brett, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - We're very soon to launch our Pre-Dating Video Course & Workbook - What you need to know & do before you start dating (but definitely during).
Keep an eye on your inbox!
You are teaching them.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, they're observing you and figuring out whether you have something they want.
Do they want the marriage you have?
Is marriage worth it?
Do you have guidance that would actually give them the result they want?
If you’ve been around Delight Your Marriage a while, you know we are passionate about helping marriages get better, SO THAT they can do God’s will better in the world.
But what if your marriage was set up with the right framework, role modeling, and good habits BEFORE you even started your dating relationship?
Since we started teaching marriage, we have always been told that they WISHED they knew this before ever getting married.
And it’s so true.
So many people didn’t start out with the tools.
They’ve never even seen a good marriage!
But your son or daughter could get a leg up.
They could get started on the spouse pursuit journey by having not only a great example (you!) but also the tools clearly articulated for them.
What if your son or daughter knew how to find and attract the right partner to help you fulfill your God-given purposes?
In our climate that may seem like a tall order!
You are teaching your kids whether you like it or not.
They learn that you have nothing helpful for them, or they learn that you can give them the tools and insights they need to thrive in their most important human relationship!
With all of our work with men and women, we have seen it done well and done very poorly many times.
And it is the right time for us to help this next generation START their marriage pursuit well. Ultimately we want them to find, marry, and sustain a wonderful marriage built upon biblical wisdom SO THAT they can do God's will in the earth.
Today’s podcast is about how you can help the next generation.
We'd like your help as we're finalizing a pre-dating resource! If you'd like to offer your wisdom and experience and suggestions, we'd really appreciate your input! Partner with us by filling out this survey How to help the next generation get and stay married? delightyourmarriage.com/dating
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Seriously, I want to know what you think! We’re finalizing pre-dating resources now – get in on this!
Survey: How to help the next generation get and stay married?
delightyourmarriage.com/dating
PPS - If you need help on your own marriage for the sake of your kids, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad: BEFORE: "Prior to doing MR I often felt alone and that my sexual desire was a problem. I felt my wife often intentionally withheld intimacy from me. It was difficult to discuss because my wife felt I was blaming her and she wasn't enough." AFTER: "Understanding my wife better. Learning Health ways of responding. More and deeper sexual intimacy. More freedom and playfulness The learning and growth has meant I can focus on God better which enables me to be a better version of myself. This has enabled me to focus more on others." If you need help on your own marriage for the sake of your kids, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When the crisis occurs outside of your home, if it's not peaceful and healed in your marriage, it becomes an additional stress instead of support in a horrible time.
I am not sure if you’ve lived through war – literally – but if so, you’ll relate to Alex. I’ll share more about him in a second.
Every member of our DYM team witnessed life transformation in their own marriages (first) and then God seemed to give us a need for a position right as He gave us the person who fits that need.
But with our need for a tech and automations specialist, the expertise was so specific that it was important we go for someone who is foremost extremely good in their specialized field, as we can’t risk the infrastructure of the organization to not work correctly.
That’s when, last April we hired Alex as our tech and automations consultant. He has amazing experience in the field, with our specific systems, and has worked with hundreds of clients, some businesses making millions per year and one even $50M per year.
It was such a relief to hire him. Purely on a professional level, he has been amazing to work with – hardworking, proactive, humble, responsible, and (shockingly) positive.
But he was living through war.
Literally.
His home is the capital city of Kyiv, Ukraine, which was attacked last February. Since, he has endured this horror at his doorstep.
Eventually, he and his wife were able to escape to Spain but after a couple of months, they returned to Ukraine to help with generators and getting food and clothing to orphans suffering the bitter winter.
As a member of the team – he was the only one who hadn’t gone through the program. But unlike anyone who has ever been a candidate for the program, he had seen the full backend. How we handle data, how we set up the program, the many transformation stories and really getting to know our team personally.
He also had an opportunity to decide is now a good time to focus on his marriage and take the Masculinity Reclaimed program.
During war.
He decided...
Yes, it was.
And his encouragement to you is
"don't postpone it...
as it won't only affect your marriage but it will have a positive effect on your entire life."
All in all, there is hope. Even if you're struggling and the battle rages not only outside your home but inside. It is worth it to get your marriage better so you can withstand the difficulties and even literal wars in this life. We would love to help you.
delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Sign up for a free clarity Call to find out if you're the right candidate to witness the transformation as well: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Another recent grad wrote:
"I want to reiterate my appreciation of the whole DYM process: from Dana's Clarity Call, Darcy's logistic support, Bob and Russ's guidance, the shared vulnerability and support of the other men, and Belah's profound wisdom through divine inspiration.
I would really recommend this program to all married men. There is so much wisdom and depth to this program that can be applied to intermarital problems that seem almost universal.
I wish I had this coaching and information 30 years ago."
Are you exhausted from the fight? The struggle? The resist and then then fail? Then try, then fail, then good, then fail, then try again, then fail...
Maybe you have a few good days, weeks even months...
But it's lurking in the background.
Waiting to take you down again. And who knows how long you'll be down this time. Maybe it'll be just this once... maybe you'll be down forever.
Maybe you'll never get back out.
Maybe you'll never be the man God has called you to be. Truly.
Maybe you'll squander the life He gave you...
And no one knows. And the ones that do, don't understand.
Men.
I honor you.
In your suffering.
I hear you.
I hear you.
I hear you.
You are not alone.
And there is hope.
And there is a way out.
It's Good Friday tomorrow. And you know the story. And you know the ending. And you know what happens. And you sing the songs. And you attend the service. And you have heard it all -- maybe you even conduct the service. And you know the stuff -- maybe you've memorized it. You teach it to others. And you believe it. And you're even grateful.
Good.
That's really good.
Really good.
And I want to invite you...
There is a way out of your prison of shame.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Seriously. There is a way out.
So... a serious ex-military gent (on his way to becoming a drill sergeant) decided it was time to fix his marriage.
Then as a business leader and a leader in the church, people would come to him for marriage advice. Their connection looked good on the outside, but sadly it was lonely.
When he started the program, he began to realize maybe he should stop giving marriage advice.
He shares in his story how hard, but necessary it was to become humble.
Which as, Andrew Murray says, is the chief sin -- all others flow from it.
Murray goes on to say, if you think you don't struggle with pride, sadly, you do more than those who are at least aware of it.
We all have to fight against pride.
Steve decided to take on that challenge. (Maybe his military background helped?)
And he decided to listen and deeply consider if his heart, perceptions, and approach have been wrong in his marriage.
He not only became humble, but he also became teachable and asked the Lord to change him from the inside. And that caused him to lead as God designed.
Well, God is faithful... and did that.
And when we seek first His Kingdom -- it's possible He changes things in our world as well (not guaranteed... but what IS guaranteed is we will see eternal riches though!)
Steve ended up being so grateful for what God did through the Masculinity Reclaimed program.
Before, he admitted that he would feel jealous of his own children because his wife gave them so much attention, affection, and pursuit and he was left with less than crumbs.
Now, things have shifted SO much that she pursues him!
And he LOVES being around his kids now. He said he feels he is the father they need.
He said this program has ultimately changed the trajectory of all 5 of their lives because it has changed their father and the home they grow up in.
It's a story in which you'll be inspired and challenged and encouraged. If God can do it for Steve, He really can do it for you.
(And Steve's wife didn't do the work... in fact, she didn't even know he took the program! Seriously, it can happen for you too. Have hope. God does miracles still!)
Blessings,
Belah
PS - The only way to get into this program is through a selection process called a Clarity Call. It is free, however, it takes a lot from our team and is a true gift to the one who signs up.
If you are ready like Steve was, make the call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We work with wives in a separate program and God does amazing things there too!
delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A different, recent graduate wrote:
BEFORE the DYM program:
I didn't enjoy time with her, intimacy was not passionate, physical touch was lacking, we didn't have a connection anymore besides being parents to the same kids.
Every day was a struggle, and I often avoided my wife because I wanted to protect myself from attacks
AFTER the DYM program:
I have rediscovered joy! I am the leader of the home, in terms of mood, spiritual life, finances, relationships, everything. And by leading my house, my wife will become the partner I need and the woman she was created to be.
I've become the man my wife trusts, someone she can talk to openly and at length. We enjoy each other's company again & look forward to spending time together. Physical intimacy is no longer a chore, but a way to connect in addition to frequent non-sexual touch.
This program is so incredible, it has changed the trajectory of my household forever. "
(Wife didn't know he did the program).
Let's see if we can help YOU just like this! Sign up now, it's worth it: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
"Unbelievable." (ie: There's no way that's true.)
That's how he felt when he heard the transformation stories.
He was in a place of desperation.
Being in the marriage felt like a chore.
But that glimmer of hope that kept him listening to the transformation stories made him wonder if he should take the leap of faith and schedule the free Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc )
Well, he did.
His wife didn't know.
We don’t make these stories up. Maybe your marriage could be next. We invite you to schedule a free, no obligation call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. What do you have to lose? This could permanently change your life.
From a graduate:
“After 36 years of marriage and being ‘settled’ (or maybe complacent?) in the rhythm of our relationship, I figured something along the lines of, ‘Well, for us this must be as good as it’s going to get!’
Now, two months and eight modules later, my feeling is, ‘If it can be this good already, and I still have four modules to go, where are we going from here?’”
There are so many people I wish I could help when I meet them at the playground, park, at a party... so here it is.
Marriage can be tough. VERY tough.
And there is a dearth of helpful insight nowadays.
My content is focused towards people who follow the teachings of Jesus.
But I really want to give you help because, from one perspective, we may not even be able to ask the hard philosophical questions about "is there a God?" or "what is Truth?" if we're bogged down with so much emotional pain in our marriage.
So, I tried my best in this episode to give you a roadmap at a very high level of how to rescue your relationship.
Whether you follow the teachings of Jesus or not. (Yes, all my training is based on that, but I want to HELP you... so I invite you to listen in because I am very practical.)
Maybe you want to stay married because of the kids (good for you!) or you really can't afford a divorce, or you want to keep the commitment you made however many years ago, or you have the slightest bit of hope that you could get back to what you had at first or... fill in the blank.
So, how do you do that when your partner has hurt you in so many ways?
- Well, in this episode, I talk about what husbands need to feel filled up in marriage, and what wives need to feel filled up in marriage.
- And when you or your spouse is missing this, it is painful and "hurt people, hurt people". So your spouse reacts by hurting you too.
- I also talk about the very first step you must take, otherwise, your marriage won't be able to grow.
- I also uproot a cliche and very harmful marital habit. EXTREMELY harmful, if you want to stay married.
And most of all I want you to have hope that it can change and that it's worth you putting in the work (yet again) to see to it that your kids have a solid and safe family to grow up in.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - To help you determine the current health of your marriage, take this free assessment at delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you want help in your marriage, click here to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent graduate of a Delight Your Marriage program said:
BEFORE:
"No hope of anything beyond glorified roommates. We were lacking in communication, vulnerability, trust, emotional connectedness and of course physical intimacy."
[We had a sexless marriage].
AFTER:
That she has initiated love-making multiple occasions. We made love 3 days in a row on our anniversary trip and twice in a row on a recent work trip.
I feel like I have a system or structure—a way forward—to a better marriage. Whereas before I felt lost, hopeless and stuck.
I have loved the program! ... I cannot believe its been 13 weeks!!! WHAT?!"
Sign up for a Clarity Call to see if this is right for you! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Their marital intimacy never seemed to be right.
Early on, they struggled with infertility and then a heartbreaking miscarriage.
God did give them a baby (praise God!), and then that was another layer of challenge.
But she couldn't seem to get intimacy "right."
And she knew he wasn't satisfied.
And that was a big dig to her confidence. Consistently.
Which impacted their relationship.
She decided to take the brave step and schedule the Clarity Call (with wonderful Dana).
But even just on that call, she felt so heard and cared for. And had a twinkle of hope.
Now...
She sees sex as pure and good. She already knew that. But somehow, through this work, it went from head to heart.
She felt so encouraged by the community. And finally had a judgment-free zone to deeply share.
Now she has gotten a great sense of freedom that she didn't have previously, and even encourages adventure in intimacy -- why not!?
May Rose's story encourage you. There is hope for you, too.
Our team is praying for you and we hope this episode leaves you with encouragement and hope that it can happen for you, too. <3
Love,
Belah
Here's where you can sign up for a free, non-scary Clarity Call with super kind and friendly Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
From another program graduate:
BEFORE the program: "I wanted to leave the marriage or die."
AFTER the program: "We are making each other the happiest we have ever been."
If you're a wife...this podcast is dynamite!
Wow, I just gotta say...thank You, Lord, for giving our dear Belah such wise insight and for her willingness, humility, and surrender to keep sharing the powerful things that You give her to share with all of us!
After listening to this podcast, I feel like I just got a feast at a banquet table!
This is a message that empowers our God-given role as wives, breaks it down in simple, yet incredibly insightful and inspiring ways, AND enlarges the vision for the Kingdom of God and how our role as wives plays such a vital role in it all.
I truly hope and pray that this podcast speaks to and encourages your heart as it did mine. This will be one of my favorites that gets repeated many times over!
Thank you, Belah!
Thank You, Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit for Your work in Your people and the incredible love You have for all of us that You show us the way to abundant life...and it is all though an intimate walk with you...a TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP with The King of Kings and Lord of Lords! What an amazing gift!
Gratefully,
Darcy
PS The resource Belah mentioned is available at https://delightmarriage.lpages.co/boundaries-in-sex/
PPS If you'd like to schedule a free Clarity Call, we invite you to do so at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Delighted Wife client quote:
"I'm so happy that I fought for this marriage. We are much better together than apart. We are an amazing team!"
When asked if she would recommend the program:
“Yes! It works! It has transformed my crummy life to an amazing happy fulfilled life.”
My goal today is to inspire a curious heart.
Could God have really designed men and women differently?
Could your differences truly be HIS design?
Could it be that "in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them.” Gen 1:27
Could your husband's member be God-designed?
Could it be that sex is God-designed?
Could there be a reason God's boundaries around this gift are all over the Bible?
Could loving your husband well (loving your husband the way he receives love) bring God glory?
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- This is a free Marital Health Assessment to find out how healthy your marriage is in emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS -- A recent grad wrote: BEFORE: "Not feeling loved by each other. Disconnected hearts (emotionally, spiritually, and physically). Going to bed feeling hurt almost every night. Fighting a lot, even in front of the kids." AFTER: "Forgiven her. Relearned to appreciate all that she is (and make sure she knows). Learned how to protect her heart (make her feel safe). Re-committed to getting to know and cherishing her. In general, feeling close with her on all levels again, which is the outcome I seeking and expected. Though the changes in the bedroom, which were not really my purpose in this, have been beyond my imagination." If you'd like to work in a program (for husbands or wives), your next step is a free Clarity Call.
So, I think God gives us opportunities to change all the time.
Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.
And it makes me sad when so many of us choose to assume this is as good as it gets and we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.
Nothing in the world has ever improved with that kind of thinking.
Ever.
To me, that's a very negative mindset called "wallowing."
I think it's childish, in fact. (I say that with conviction because I've been there far too often myself!)
I think God wants us to take our power back and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.
Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.
And as followers of Jesus, we DO something about it.
We link arms with a mission or organization doing the work that needs to be done (like the Good Samaritan picking up the beaten man and paying for him to get better at the inn---he didn't start his own inn---he paid someone else to do the work that needed to be done).
So, in your marriage, you need to do one or the other:
1 - Use discontentment to motivate you to change your marriage
We can help. (We are the "INN!" You don't have to make it up -- we know how to fix it by God's grace.)
Join a program and use your discontentment to change the whole thing! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
OR
2 - Choose to no longer be discontent, and instead, be grateful for what you have and live in God's purposes in other areas of your life.
You may be quite surprised that things get better as you choose a life of contentment and purpose in God's will.
Ultimately, take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.
Don't be a “Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!”
It's not cute.
And I think it has eternal consequences...
Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Would you like to improve your marriage?
Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship?
Would you like our help?
If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:
“DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!
After several years of feeling “stuck” in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.”
Hi, dear sisters.
My husband felt inspired to share some thoughts with you.
Actually, I was trying to communicate something to wives that I just kept re-recording and re-recording and I just couldn't get it right.
So I brought in the big guns. Yes... my husband is here to communicate what I couldn't.
I invite you to see how to CATCH what may be most important for you to hear.
May God work in your heart as you listen so that you will remember what He wants you to hear through this.
Love,
Belah
PS - If you are ready to find out how healthy your marriage is, I invite you to find out through this free resource: Marital Health Assessment: delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage, join a free Clarity Call (it's such a blessing) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Recent Delight Your Marriage program graduate's testimonial:
"After listening to the podcasts for a couple of years, I had hope that this might be a source of real change.
But now that I have participated in MR [Masculinity Reclaimed], I can say that my hopes at the beginning have been greatly exceeded...
In my experience, DYM [Delight Your Marriage] is one of the most Christ-honoring and Spirit-empowered ministries that I have benefited from after following Jesus for 26 years.
DYM would be the first ministry I would recommend to transform a marriage in a real and lasting way."
You may be on a journey to get a better marriage...
But do you know where you are right now?
The trouble is when people with a 9/10 marriage give advice to someone with a 2/10 marriage...
It doesn't make sense. AND a left turn at the WRONG TIME could lead to disaster.
That is why we developed the Marital Health Assessment, a tool you can use to determine if you're on track in your marriage.
Or if you need a left turn now or to stay straight for another 37 exits :)
I invite you to take this free Marital Health Assessment to determine where you are now so you can wisely choose your next steps!
Delightyourmarriage.com/health
Roy was married 25 years with 5 kids. And they had a good marriage.
They love the Lord and seek to serve Him with all.
Intimacy was tough though.
And every time he brought it up, she would get defensive, or feel like she wasn't good enough, or like he'll never be satisfied.
Anyone else feel that way?
He had heard about Masculinity Reclaimed for a couple of years and finally decided it was time.
He kept hitting a wall.
And if you're in that place, I want you to know...
It's legitimate that issues around intimacy hurt.
They hurt deeply.
But Roy got to a place where trying to change her wasn't working.
And so, he decided it was time to look at himself.
He knew going into the program if he let his wife know, in the beginning, she would put many, many more walls up...
So, he decided to go forward without her knowing. Because, as he said, this was a coaching program FOR HIM.
He had to talk to someone.
It was either therapy or a coaching program.
(And he said she doesn't really like therapy either).
Anyway... that's where things started.
But, in 12 weeks, God did something amazing.
If you're a man looking/grasping for hope and/or you want the tools for changing your marriage, I invite you to listen.
If you're a woman who will listen with a curious heart to find out how men really feel about intimacy, I invite you to listen.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - Would you like to work on your side of your marriage? I invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call here at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - How healthy is your marriage, really? Take the free Marital Health Assessment here! delightyourmarriage.com/health
Quote from a Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
"I've learned so much, your course helped me figure out so many things I've been struggling with in my life and I've really been able to make sense of pain and emotions that I haven't figured out until now.
There are many more great things that have come from doing your course!"
Is what you're doing in your marriage right now working for you?
Do you feel hopeless?
Are you lonely in your marriage?
If you believed that your actions alone could make a difference, if you knew the tools to use to make a difference in your marriage, would you be willing to use them?
Tom's story is inspiring and is not unique to graduates of Delight Your Marriage programs.
Praise God, the tools given to married individuals through our programs have moved so many marriages into places of hope, joy, and a much greater degree of the abundant life that God wants for us to live out as His people.
It is not easy. It requires us to have humility, faith in what God can do with a yielded obedient heart, perseverance, and a desire to please our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
If any of this resonates with you, we invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call right here.
We hope that Tom's story gives you hope that marriage could be more and motivates you to a willingness to do the work of building a better marriage and family...as much as it depends on you.
Love and prayers,
Darcy (on behalf of Belah)
Quote from a Graduate:
"The MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program was the best thing I’ve ever done for my marriage, hands down! Wish I’d taken it years ago.
Just amazing to see the work God can do in a person’s heart, if that person is willing to do the work and make the changes needed.
I hope everyone who goes through the program tells their friends about it. I for one will be spreading the news about DYM [Delight Your Marriage]!!
Why wouldn’t I, when it changed my life??"
Is there dignity in humility?
Is there dignity in humiliation?
Initially, you might think not.
But then we have to take a moment to consider the cross.
An excruciating death, reserved not for Roman citizens, but for rebels and slaves...
because it was
SO
SO
humiliating.
And yet, the God of glory, the One who DESERVES all glory and honor...
HUMILIATED
Himself not only to come as a baby,
giving up His power,
constraining himself to human form,
and giving up his rights in an infinite number of ways...
to then suffer the humiliation, the pain...
for the joy set before Him.
Not because we deserved it,
...but because it is a testament to HIS surrender to the Father's will that he endured the cross.
This is why you are humble and a servant to your spouse,
...because humility is the VERY dignity of Jesus.
Humility is what Jesus Himself modeled.
Why do you close your mouth when you want to criticize your spouse?
Why do you pause instead of, "let them have it," when they deserve to be dressed down for their bad behavior?
Why do you go out of your way to make them feel special, even though they haven't done it for you?
Why do you forgive them for the pain they have caused you?
Why are you joyful even though they don't add to it in the ways they know you'd love?
Because you are walking in the humility that Jesus Himself invites you to.
Every single day, in your marriage, you are invited to walk in His humility.
What does humility look like?
Jesus.
Was he a pushover? No.
Was he passive? No.
But was he an extravagant servant? Most definitely.
So, are there boundaries to humility? Yes.
I invite you to have a curious heart if God has something for you here.
I reference the book "Humility," by Andrew Murray, a lot in this episode. I also reference the Bible a lot. (I highly recommend it :)
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - Have you already downloaded our intimacy framework so that you can love your spouse the way they receive love? If not, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework
PPS - Are you ready to be the spouse God has called you to be, but need some guidance about what that looks like? Click here to schedule a free Clarity Call to see if our programs could be what you need.
Graduates Testimonial:
"I would recommend this program to a fellow Christian who is looking to make their marriage better in all aspects. The intimacy aspect is important but there were so many other ideas and realizations around other ways to better my marriage.
I appreciate so much Belah's enthusiasm and honesty. There is a lot of great info and expertise in here. She did an amazing job propping guys up and being positive which was infectious!"
"It's my spouse who needs to change."
If you've said this or thought this...you are right.
So now, no need to listen to anything because there's nothing for you to do but wait around in a grumpy mood 'til your spouse decides to do something.
:)
Maybe there's another opportunity here.
Maybe we can be (as our team member Kyle says) "playfully curious" about this response.
Why do we assume it's all on our spouse?
What questions are we...
a-refusing to ask
b-unaware that we need to be asking
c-too distracted to think about it :)
(Oh, was that your email/TikTok/IG/Facebook/text message notification that just went off? :P )
Today's episode is to help you honestly look at where your marriage is, and discern if and how your partner is the issue.
And, if and how, with playful curiosity, you might have an opportunity in your situation, as well!
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS If you want to see if we can help you in your marriage and honestly evaluate where you can work in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call by clicking here.
Quote from Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
“I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results. I have 2 failed “Romantic Vacations” and a bathroom remodel to prove it. I spent less on this and had fantastic results. This might possibly be the best investment of my life."
This episode was back from the very beginning of 2019. Wow! It's STILL relevant. And even when I re-listened, I was struck by a specific exercise that put life in great perspective. I encourage you to do the same -- for God's glory to ultimately be experienced in your marriage, family, and life!
In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season?
I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent-teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God’s will and way for my life, I don’t believe I was pursuing it in God’s timing.
And that is one of the central themes around today’s podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now?
From there, what do you do with that understanding? How does it become practical and lived out?
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you’d like to see if we can help you in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call here.
From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
“My confidence with my wife is now enabling me to be her rock much more effectively. (Before DYM [Delight Your Marriage] I would often blame myself and pull away when we had disagreements).
Thank you and Belah and the whole Team for being there!! God specifically used MR 1 [Masculinity Reclaimed] and 2 [MR Graduate group] to transform me into a much better man and husband in a way I did not think possible!”
This was meant to be a light & encouraging holiday podcast episode.
Then, it turned into a heavy and warning-type episode.
You'll be around souls this holiday.
Souls, that maybe you don't feel fully at peace with.
Souls, that maybe you have been wronged by.
Souls, that maybe you still feel the sting of the pain they inflicted on you.
This is spoken for no specific person...except, definitely for me.
Also, maybe for all of those I work with.
And maybe every person who has ever told me about their marriage struggles.
And maybe everyone else I know, too.
So, yeah... take this one personally.
May God stir His truth in you.
This is the good news:
"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."
This is the terrifying truth...
"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Jesus said this in the gospel of Matthew 6:15 (NIV).
Here's the deal...
I follow Jesus and need Him to save me. I NEED him to forgive me.
And according to that verse, if I don't forgive others... I have no hope of eternal salvation.
May that sober us up this holiday to forgive every person, every single one.
So, I needed to hear this.
And, I NEED to live this in EVERY single relationship.
It's a command. I needed to be reminded of it. I hope you did, too.
Love you with great love -- in courage and integrity,
Belah
PS -- If you'd like to see what more God wants to do in your marriage, sign up for a free Clarity Call delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This was originally published a while back--but we highly recommend you listen again as you're praying through and discerning what God has for you in the new season of 2023.
…
I love New Years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though, practically speaking, it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates.
But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will.
So, that's what today's podcast is about--becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days…which lead to weeks…which lead to years, and then decades.
We must be cautious about how we spend our time and spend it in priority to God's will.
I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live.
I will also discuss the process I use to discern God's will for my life every quarter. I think we need to be considering God's will consistently in our lives and move toward it more and more everyday.
I think you'll love the conversation and I look forward to hearing from you!
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you'd like the free resource I mentioned to help you understand how to love your spouse the way they are craving, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework
PPS If you’d like help in your marriage, you are invited to schedule a free Clarity Call here. This call is invaluable in helping you to examine and evaluate where you currently are in your marriage and whether or not our courses could be helpful to you.
From a Clarity Call participant who decided not to take the course(s)::
“Thank you and thanks for your guys' help. I honestly couldn't have done it without the help of the podcast and just our talk opens my eyes up to what God wants for me and what direction and guidance he is showing me so thank you so so much!”
This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.
We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.
When you want them to change.
When you feel they were irresponsible.
I have two examples for you:
1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything.
2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.
I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.
Love,
Belah
PS - If you’d like to see if our programs would be a good fit for you in helping you grow in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call.
From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
“For the first time EVER we had whole-hearted sexual intimacy, 2 or 3 times total. This was something that I had no idea even existed and it was barely believable. It was so amazing.
We haven't argued in months. Based on a DYM [Delight Your Marriage] podcast that I listened to before starting MR [Masculinity Reclaimed], I began the process of responding in ways that fully prevented arguments, so it's been more than 12 weeks without an argument. That was a massive game-changer for me and our relationship.
God has called me to a far deeper level with His word than ever before. The Holy Spirit has downloaded significant insight regarding how to love. This was done as a combination of scripture, DYM [Delight Your Marriage], and clarity provided during prayer.”
…
So much stress revolves around communication.
I've been there!
My husband and I have miscommunications everyday.
Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.
That is silly and allowed for laughter.
But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions.
Or, when you're in a stressful situation, and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).
Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.
I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.
I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches:
"Your spouse should be your best friend," or
"You have to be compatible with someone to be happy," or
"If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.”
Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?)
Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you need immediate help in your marriage and you've seen some changes from podcasts so far, now is the time to let that inertia grow into long term transformation with training and tailored support.
So if that's what you need, get on the phone with a Clarity Advisor and they'll see if we are the right fit for your situation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
"I just wanted to thank you again for your help in building the intimacy [my wife] and I have discovered.
Last night [my wife] wore lingerie, was passionate, and we had amazing sex.
You played a huge part in helping us get there.
In a thankless world, I want to give you a big high five and thank you for all of your insight."
Since Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re around people we love, but sometimes have strained relationships. We wanted to repost this episode so you can apply it to your family relationships and your spouse.
We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!!
…
Sometimes we look at our blowups and wonder -- how did we even get here?
How did a wrong turn, an unpaid bill, an unwashed dish, or a burnt potholder... turn into World War III?
What happened here?
And why is this kind of nonsense tearing our family apart at its foundations?
It's because you're not really fighting about a potholder.
You're fighting about all the unmet expectations from the years and years of pain you've experienced. And so is your spouse.
How do you get out of this cycle?
And more important: what does Jesus require of you in this cycle?
What does it matter in eternity whether or not you succumb to these kinds of blow ups?
Well, my goal is to give you a bit of fear of the Lord to decide you are going to be a real follower of Jesus and the blow ups aren't gonna fly.
I hope you'll listen in with an open heart and a desire to grow and be edified. And ultimately a desire to grow closer to God's will for you.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Two things:
1 - If you haven't yet checked, there are a ton of helpful free resources here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
2 - If you need immediate help, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to get a free Clarity Call where someone from my team will speak to you deeply about your specific situation and see if we can help.
If it can happen for others, it could happen for you, too! From a MR graduate:
“We have prayed, we have read books, we have listened to podcast, and we have sought counseling, both individually and as a couple. They sometimes produce a little hope but we repeatedly fall back into old habit cycles.
I needed to try something different. This program provides a different approach through a team coaching framework. I wanted different strategies and individually focused feedback.
I have become a better person. Period. I am more patient, kind, loving, gentle. I am actively seeking the Fruits of the Spirit in practical behaviors. I am more forgiving and less apt to be offended. My wife SMILES AT ME OFTEN WHEN I WALK IN THE ROOM. We have more laughter and playfulness in our home. She holds my hand and cuddles with me. She tells me with her words and shows me with her behaviors that she enjoys making love to me.”
Often preparing for Thanksgiving is the real STRESS.
So -- guess what!? Make love now, so you have a connected, peaceful, and truly enjoyable Thanksgiving next week.
...
Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!
Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?
Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?
And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?
The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!
If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?
Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!
Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don’t miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus’ love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 “Pursue love…”
Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I’m dead serious!
You know, we’re similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree.
Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine.
Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you!
...
We are not currently offering a free men's course, as this is a repost of this episode, but we do invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor. This is an opportunity for you to be heard...to share your story, to evaluate where you are in your marriage and life journey, and whether or not our courses may be the right fit for you or not.
We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!!
On behalf of Belah and the rest of our team,
Darcy
Office Manager
PS From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
"Today my wife and I celebrate our … Anniversary, and thanks be to God our marriage is better than it has ever been. As I sat this morning writing my daily gratitude's and LTP's (going strong), I am overcome with gratitude for how helpful your ministry has been.
Going through the program last fall was truly one of the most transformational hinge times in my life - first drawing myself closer to the Lord, and only from that coming first did we experience some unbelievable changes in our marriage.
By Gods grace, we've always had a "good" marriage - free from major issues or troubles, but since have learned how wonderful God really intends for this union to be. Ups and downs persist, they always will, but DYM has helped show me the tools & knowledge to navigate them and have a thriving and God honoring marriage.
I am forever thankful for DYM. Thank you for following your calling and your dedication. Have a wonderful weekend and God bless!!!"
We share these testimonies because God is SO good and He wants good in your marriage, too! We want to inspire hope and faith in you! Nothing is too difficult for Him!
(Alliteration is such a... joy--isn't it? :) Hoping that gave you a needed chuckle...
But seriously...
Mick's story is GREAT!
He is a dynamic, charismatic, and tell-it-straight kinda guy. When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that seemed on target.
Well, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage.
But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband.
So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever) "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility. He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage.
He was ready to do the work and take 100% responsibility AND accountability for himself. His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.
Is there hope for you?
Yes!
We serve "the God of hope." (Rom 15:13)
In fact, He wants you to "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Same verse ^)
I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him. Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did THIS in his marriage AND HIS KIDS!!!!)
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY.
And if we genuinely feel you'd be the right fit, we might invite you in (our Clarity Advisor is reimbursed regardless of the end result -- because this is truly our gift to you.) Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a graduate: So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever)... "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
(Alliteration is such a... joy--isn't it? :) Hoping that gave you a needed chuckle...
But seriously...
Mick's story is GREAT!
He is a dynamic, charismatic, and tell-it-straight kinda guy. When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that seemed on target.
Well, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage.
But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband.
So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever) "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility. He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage.
He was ready to do the work and take 100% responsibility AND accountability for himself. His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.
Is there hope for you?
Yes!
We serve "the God of hope." (Rom 15:13)
In fact, He wants you to "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Same verse ^)
I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him. Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did THIS in his marriage AND HIS KIDS!!!!)
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY.
And if we genuinely feel you'd be the right fit, we might invite you in (our Clarity Advisor is reimbursed regardless of the end result -- because this is truly our gift to you.) Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a graduate: So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever)... "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".
My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.
What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.
You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.
For many, it works (by God's grace).
But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.
This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.
Here's what I hope for you.
I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.
Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does.
The cool thing is...
Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love.
Humans heal.
Humans let down their guard.
Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment.
The desperation ends.
Peace and freedom begin.
And marriage can become pretty amazing.
BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you would like help in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor.
We truly care about you and your marriage and this call will help us and you evaluate if we can help you in your marriage. Schedule a free Clarity Call here. For the free resources, click here.
PPS From a graduate:
"It has transformed my relationship with my wife and with my coworkers and those I supervise. It has given me tools to listen and pray better and got me into the habit of daily gratitude. Every married man, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy your marriage, will benefit from the MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program."
If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".
My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.
What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.
You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.
For many, it works (by God's grace).
But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.
This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.
Here's what I hope for you.
I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.
Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does.
The cool thing is...
Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love.
Humans heal.
Humans let down their guard.
Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment.
The desperation ends.
Peace and freedom begin.
And marriage can become pretty amazing.
BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you would like help in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor.
We truly care about you and your marriage and this call will help us and you evaluate if we can help you in your marriage. Schedule a free Clarity Call here. For the free resources, click here.
PPS From a graduate:
"It has transformed my relationship with my wife and with my coworkers and those I supervise. It has given me tools to listen and pray better and got me into the habit of daily gratitude. Every married man, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy your marriage, will benefit from the MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program."
I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.
Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.
Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.
My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.
Maybe it's our human nature?
Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...
He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.
(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.
And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)
But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...
I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.
I was so exhausted.
It wasn't until I decided to
1-forgive
and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,
2-let God change my heart according to His will,
3-change my words, and
4-behave respectfully...
Did I witness my husband transform.
And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.
I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.
My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.
And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.
I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you need immediate help, please schedule a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Clarity Advisor will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS From a Delight Your Marriage wife:
“It's been so amazing! I still call it a rollercoaster, because there are ups and downs, but the ups are way more than the downs now and that's a huge win! I honestly was at a place where I didn't like my husband a lot of the times...
I now WANT to spend time with him, miss him when we're apart, initiate intimacy, and enjoy intimacy!”
When I look back on my life — when I see what is currently unseen — when I see Jesus face to face — when all has been revealed…
I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.
In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26)
He FEEDS the birds.
I was observing birds yesterday in the park.
There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that.
And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds!
He is intimately aware of your life and what you’re going through.
And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that.
He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good.
There is SO much you (and I) cannot see.
He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see.
But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life — it allows you to see the suffering better.
You can endure the suffering with a peace, a joy, and a contentment that is important.
In fact, when you have that peace/joy/contentment during the suffering, you will accomplish at least some of the important purposes He has for that suffering.
Make no mistake, God cares about your suffering.
God cares about the rejection you feel from your spouse.
He cares about your loneliness in the one supposedly “safe relationship” – your marriage.
He cares about the lack of intimacy.
He cares about the lack of warmth.
He cares when your spouse ignores the cravings of your soul that you were designed to have.
He cares.
And IN THIS He is good.
If we only knew how much He truly loved you…
He would risk you possibly turning away from him due to that suffering because He has bigger purposes.
Remember…
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His ways higher than our ways, are His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
We do NOT have to understand.
We DO have to trust His goodness.
That starts with realizing, if the God of the Universe feeds each of these birds, that means he makes each of my breaths happen, each of my blood vessels moves when they are meant to.
It means He causes my son to smile at me.
It means He causes my eyes to even see the sunset.
It means that He not only knit me together in my mother’s womb for 9 to 10 months…
But He didn’t stop.
He is still in me.
He is still designing, directing, causing all these things to go well in me.
EVERY good gift is from Him.
Even the ones I don’t take time to notice.
When my arm breaks it should remind me that He was the one that caused it to thrive every other day.
If we only soaked in the truth of His love, we could more easily trust it during the suffering… He is still good.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
May you know the love of Christ.
May I know it, too.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call.
PPS When a graduate of Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) was asked:
Do you recommend MR?
"I do far more than recommend it, I advocate for it and fortunately one couple has joined both MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] and DW [Delighted Wife] as a result. Why - because MR is filled with lots of explanations of what and why things need to occur, but it's also very heavy on HOW to do things, which is missing from all other marriage content out there. Plus, Belah's insight is extraordinary. When she was describing in podcasts about why men enjoy oral sex I stopped and remarked to myself, that's 1000% correct. I never thought about it, but she's 1000% correct. So the degree to which Belah has insight and understanding into the male and female psyches is extraordinary.
Massively improved our marriage. Brought me closer to God. Helped me see my wife in an entirely different way. Set us on a path to healing. Facilitate mind-blowing, real-deal sexual intimacy (aka wholehearted sexual intimacy) and helped me get better at being vulnerable, sharing my vulnerability, and be more sensitized to when my wife is being vulnerable. With more time I can easily think of more things.
I never once questioned if what I spent on MR was worth it, because without question it was."
Do you feel broken? Dirty? Ashamed?
These are all normal feelings for a victim of sexual trauma.
Do you know what feelings Lisa now has?
Freedom. Confidence. Trust.
One in four, or even one in three women, have been victims of sexual abuse.
One in six men have been.
So, many of us need the HOPE for healing Lisa gives us.
Was it instant?
Was it easy to confront?
Was it comfortable to start this process?
No.
She had to have courage to get out and join a healing process to get to the other side where God ultimately wanted her to be.
You will love her story and the encouragements she gives.
Especially the one and most important thing that she wants you to know, if you've been abused.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like to get "vision", the opportunity for "intention" and the "means" to transformation (as Dallas Willard says)...
I invite you to sign up for a Clarity Call. You'll work with a Clarity Advisor to discern that vision. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Looking forward to seeing how God heals you!
"Betrayal to a marriage is what dynamite is to a door" says Gary Thomas.
Obliterating all trust, safety, dreams...
Could there be hope?
Could there be restoration?
And...
How could this have been prevented?
This is what we discuss on today's episode.
If these are your questions, Gary gives a lot of insight I think you'll want to listen in to.
What can you do as a couple to right the ship?
What can you as a couple do to come together and see how to build your marriage with strength and solidness -- keeping any explosives far, far away.
Check out Gary's work and his new book at garythomas.com -- (also he has many other books that you'll want to check out!)
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to help you heal your marriage no matter what the issue is, and if you're looking for a program to come alongside other men and/or women, I invite you to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor to see how we can support you.
PPS -- A recent grad wrote:
"Massively improved our marriage.
Brought me closer to God. Helped me see my wife in an entirely different way. Set us on a path to healing.
Facilitate mind-blowing, real-deal sexual intimacy...
...filled with lots of explanations of what and why things need to occur, but it's also very heavy on HOW to do things, which is missing from all other marriage content out there. Plus, Belah's insight is extraordinary.
I never once questioned if what I spent on MR was worth it, because without question it was."
Husband or wife, sign up for a Clarity Call now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Are you getting close to marriage and the looming thought of a healthy sex life gives anxiety?
I invite you to listen in to these two women who were virgins when they got engaged (one is now married) and hear how they processed through the anxiety.
And now on the other side of the program, they have a confidence and a relaxed sense around something that used to be very difficult to even think about.
Maybe you or someone you know needs insights around marriage and intimacy before they start this journey.
I hope this conversation blesses and encourages you!
Belah
PS -- If you want to see how we can serve you in your particular situation, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - A woman in the Delighted Wife program shared this recently:
This programme is Christ-centred, led by an amazing loving, wise, compassionate, trustworthy team.
They have all 'been there' in marriage challenges themselves so speak with humility and empathy. There's lots of laughter too which is so good.
This programme is about sex but so much more. If a person engages and does the work it will be deeply transformational. This may not be in the way they expect...
I wish I had this programme just before and in the early years of our marriage.
Enrollment for the program closes tonight, Masculinity Reclaimed delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Today's podcast episode...
If perverted masculinity is overly aggressive or on the other side, overly passive... what is it actually SUPPOSED to look like?
What is a strong man?
What is a true man of God?
What is the masculinity God desires of you?
That's the topic Kyle and I discuss today.
Lots of really fresh ideas, insights, frameworks, and also very, very old ways of viewing the nature of how God designed men.
Kyle is super -- you're going to love his insights and heart after the Lord.
Gosh, I'm excited for you to hear what it's all about!
If you've been praying about our 3-month program, Masculinity Reclaimed...
the program CLOSES TONIGHT, if you'd like to join, now is your time...
delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Wow -- God is so good.
Men are joining the 3-month program Masculinity Reclaimed because they're ready to become the men that God has called them to be (and as it turns out... that is very attractive to their wives... the results are intimate, as you'll hear.)
I want you to listen to these transformation stories (several shortened stories that haven't been on the podcast before, so you can hear what God is doing!)
If you're ready to take the leap and say I am going to risk the money and invest the time and effort for the next 3 months to see the results that God is clearly doing in others' lives and marriages
I invite you to check out all the details and register here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Prayers of hope for you,
Belah & Delight Your Marriage team
PS -- If you are moved at all by these transformations, I encourage you to check out the details here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
We are SO excited that today is the first day of enrollment into the brand new cohort of the Masculinity Reclaimed 3-month program!
If you've hung around Delight Your Marriage for a while you know that God TRANSFORMS marriages, intimacy, families, and peoples' lives through this program!
We'd love for you to check out all the details: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
If you join this first day of enrollment (Saturday, Sept 17, 2022), you'll get a BONUS Kick Start Training call with Belah!
If you need some time to look at all the details and pray it over -- enrollment will be open for about a week.
So, click here to learn about everything.
That way you can be discerning if now is your time to prioritize the healing of your marriage and intimacy and becoming the man of God you know He's calling you to be.
We have new full-time ministry scholarships that you can reach out to us directly to apply!
Find out all the details: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Is Jesus the Lord of your life in EVERY area?
Are you trusting God in everything except your marriage?
Are you saying, "Yes, I will follow," but then when Jesus says to sacrifice for your spouse, that's where you draw the line to do it your own way?
Is your emotional intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?
Is your spiritual intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?
Is your physical intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?
Or, have you decided (like I too often do, sadly) "God, in this area, I can do it my way"?
God is really interested in your marriage.
Your spouse is the closest relationship to you.
Whom you can influence the most -- and they influence you the most.
So... if you decide to do marriage your own way, that's a big deal.
I was recently reminded that when I don't TRUST God, I suffer... often, unnecessarily.
When I don't trust God, and I try to do it my own way...the work that God was in the middle of doing -- behind the scenes -- I can ROYALLY mess up!
The lesson I invite you to learn from my fumble is: TRUST God in your situation.
TRUST God in the way He set up marriage and your role (husband and wife) and witness God move in your
emotional
spiritual
and
physical
intimacy.
He has a way. If you're suffering doing it His way, there is a reward on this side (or the other side) of eternity.
But, as I was reminded of, we may suffer because we are doing it OUR way. And I encourage you to make sure you're doing it His way.
IMPORTANT: Make sure you ARE doing your marriage and intimacy God's way, so you and your wife don't unnecessarily suffer.
(That's the biggest sadness I see with men I work with, they didn't have to suffer, they just didn't know...)
This is where I (shamelessly) plug our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! (Because I know it can help you!)
We are in the middle of it, but there's just enough time for you to catch up - if you sign up now. It won't be available much longer -- delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
(Also, if you already know you're going to join the 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed Program, we officially open enrollment Saturday, September 17 -- if you join the first day you get an extra Kick Start training -- where I'd love to spend time walking you through how to "win" MR and get yourself set up for amazing success -- by God's grace. You can join right away here: Masculinity Reclaimed Coaching Program)
If you don't need help in your marriage -- will you pray for this free training -- that the men who need hope would sign on and witness God's transformation for many? And most importantly, that each man would draw closer to Jesus.
Thank you for your prayers.
May God help you to TRUST Him in your specific situation. He continues to teach me, and I hope that encourages you!
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- The free men's training is going away soon. Sign up, and catch up here: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
You'll need to be registered for this training -- Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations
It's on-demand training which means you can go through it at your leisure, but it's not available for very long, so I encourage you to sign up asap!
It all starts this Monday, Sept 12, 2022!
If you know someone who needs this, I invite you to take courage and share it with them -- who knows how it could impact their marriage, family and legacy!
Love & Blessings,
The whole Delight Your Marriage team!
PS -- It's not available very long, so I encourage you to register now!
Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course is starting Monday, September 12, 2022 -- it's on-demand training but will only be available for about a week, so register now: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
--
I've been posting a lot of resources for men, so this one is for the ladies (and the curious men :)
I used to be very confused on what my husband needed from me. A lot of women that I have worked with feel like it comes down to a clean house, hot meals and happy kids.
And when that's not enough for him, it feels very unfair. That she is doing ALL of this and he's still grumpy and unsatisfied.
She may even have intimacy as a part of their lives, but he still doesn't seem to care.
What is missing?
Well, it took a while, but by God's grace through trial and error, learning from mentors, books and courses... now I'm at a spot where I can give you the keys I wish I had!
And I made it into a handy acronym so it's easy to remember:
RAWS.
Super simple. But, not easy.
See that's God kindness. I've noticed, that in order to love our spouse well, we wives have to deny ourselves and choose to love our God-given assignment (our husband).
And that choice, every day, makes us more like Him.
He's not like us, he's not designed like us. God made your husband unique and special.
And it's my privilege to let you hear from my husband and what he recommends to us.
Also, for the curious gents who plan to listen -- he's got some GREAT advice for you too!
I hope this blesses you!
Love,
Belah
PS -- Women if you want to go further in this, we have a community of women who support and love each other on this journey to heal their marriage, honor God, and love well. If you're interested to find out if this is right for you, sign up for a Clarity Call and a kind, empathetic Clarity Advisor will listen to your story and be able to give you guidance on your next steps. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS -- For the men who want direction for your next steps, join the free Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course, which is starting on Monday, September 12, 2022.
It's an on-demand training but has lots of interactive bells and whistles. It'll only be available for about a week, so register now! delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
(My boys make an audio appearance on today's episode).
I thought it was appropriate because Robert and I both got choked up towards the end of this interview -- you'll hear why.
Robert has more kids than me. Not 2, 3, 4 or 5... He has 7.
Robert also has about 7 times more energy than I do. Which is why I'd like him to write a book. (Please, Robert, we all need it.)
His wife was actually the one who invited him to Delight Your Marriage. And felt sure he would learn what he needed for her.
And... I have got to hand it to her :) I think she was right!
But I also have to hand it to Robert, because he totally humbled himself, did the work.
Changed himself -- and God did beautiful things in their marriage!
I can't wait for you to listen in to their story!
If you're a husband -- he gives tons of ideas and thoughts about what you can do to change things.
He started his journey with the free training, that we're offering just around the corner -- September 12, 2022. You'll need to be signed up -- you can do so here.
Love and Blessings,
Belah
PS -- You might tear up too.
PPS -- Gents, grab a tissue while you sign up for the free training!
Or if you're a lady or a gent, and you want to get on a call 1:1 to see how we can help you, you can sign up for a Clarity Call here.
(My boys make an audio appearance on today's episode).
I thought it was appropriate because Robert and I both got choked up towards the end of this interview -- you'll hear why.
Robert has more kids than me. Not 2, 3, 4 or 5... He has 7.
Robert also has about 7 times more energy than I do. Which is why I'd like him to write a book. (Please, Robert, we all need it.)
His wife was actually the one who invited him to Delight Your Marriage. And felt sure he would learn what he needed for her.
And... I have got to hand it to her :) I think she was right!
But I also have to hand it to Robert, because he totally humbled himself, did the work.
Changed himself -- and God did beautiful things in their marriage!
I can't wait for you to listen in to their story!
If you're a husband -- he gives tons of ideas and thoughts about what you can do to change things.
He started his journey with the free training, that we're offering just around the corner -- September 12, 2022. You'll need to be signed up -- you can do so here.
Love and Blessings,
Belah
PS -- You might tear up too.
PPS -- Gents, grab a tissue while you sign up for the free training!
Or if you're a lady or a gent, and you want to get on a call 1:1 to see how we can help you, you can sign up for a Clarity Call here.
From a past of pain and hurt Reed realized he needed healing.
His first wife left him after twenty years. He then found out that she had had several extramarital affairs.
Completely devastating. And left him with 5 kids to raise on his own.
Now, God be praised. He is remarried -- his wife is utterly wonderful. They had a really good marriage.
But he realized, the areas of his marriage that were not fully there around intimacy had to do with his woundedness from the past.
He is in full-time ministry and heard God encourage him to take the program for himself. Not for others -- but he needed healing.
And as he did the work of the program, his heart healed and his marriage did to -- in the ways he didn't even realize it was lacking.
I want to share his story because -- you might be like Reed.
Maybe you've done the right things for a LONG time... and you are hurt. And you are wounded. And you have rightfully, steadfastly done the good work.
And yet...
And yet...
I want you to have hope through Reed's story. He not only shares his story -- but he also shares his process for healing. He gives lots of practicals!
He started by taking the free course: Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations (starting again Sept 12, 2022) -- and then decided to go forward with the full 3 month program.
I am excited for you to get inspired by Reed's heart for the Lord and for his marriage and intimacy shifts because of the healing God brought in his heart.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We would love to have you on the Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations free training right around the corner -- sign up before you forget: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Reed began his healing through the free course.
PSS -- Seriously go register! :) But seriously... delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
I'm thrilled to announce that we're running our free training -- Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations training in just a couple of weeks!
It will happen September 12, 2022.
If you've heard any of the transformation stories on the podcast or elsewhere you have heard God do amazing things through our (extremely practical) men's training.
And in this free foundations course -- you get those tools -- condensed and released over the week of September 12, 2022 for free!
This is the last time we're giving away this training this year. It's all re-recorded and newly produced videos. And we're really excited to share it.
Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
We will be opening the doors to our full 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed program after the free foundations training completes. So, if you're curious, keep an eye out for that.
But either way, you'll get wonderful free value by just going through the free course.
Sign up easily by adding your email here and then there will be an automatic link to add it to your calendar.
We want you to get the most out of this training, so be sure to sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Praying for you!
Belah and the whole Delight Your Marriage team!
I'm thrilled to announce that we're running our free training -- Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations training in just a couple of weeks!
It will happen September 12, 2022.
If you've heard any of the transformation stories on the podcast or elsewhere you have heard God do amazing things through our (extremely practical) men's training.
And in this free foundations course -- you get those tools -- condensed and released over the week of September 12, 2022 for free!
This is the last time we're giving away this training this year. It's all re-recorded and newly produced videos. And we're really excited to share it.
Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
We will be opening the doors to our full 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed program after the free foundations training completes. So, if you're curious, keep an eye out for that.
But either way, you'll get wonderful free value by just going through the free course.
Sign up easily by adding your email here and then there will be an automatic link to add it to your calendar.
We want you to get the most out of this training, so be sure to sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Praying for you!
Belah and the whole Delight Your Marriage team!
An episode for a struggling husband -- or his wife.
To give you hope.
See, if you don't know what is the root of a behavior it's very hard to "white knuckle" yourself out of the behavior.
Therapist Sam Tielemans specializes in helping couples who have suffered through the pain of porn addiction.
He gives the specific reasons he sees over and over again at his practice (in Las Vegas of all places!) what is at the root of the porn addiction.
Why does he keep going back?
Why is he overwhelmed by shame but can't seem to stop?
And for the wife, how can she find healing in this?
Could she understand this addiction to see that the behavior is covering up the pain?
Should she have boundaries, and what should those be (we touch lightly on this -- there's a lot more depth we'll go into in the ladies program -- if you're interested, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can support you).
For the man listening, Jesus took your sin. If you accept his sacrifice -- you are clean. Whiter than snow. As though it never happened.
You can walk with that confidence.
We speak more about it -- but if you only read this -- I want you to know the truth.
Jesus took your sin (yes, this is a bad sin). But HE -- the God of the universe -- died for it.
Don't keep the sin and pay the price of shame anymore -- God came to die to pay the price FOR YOU.
The gift you don't deserve.
That's the good news.
As a person who was addicted to porn for years, I know you can walk in victory, too.
Blessings,
Belah
PS -- The men's training is coming up! All new videos and fresh training for you. I can't wait! It all starts September 12, 2022 -- sign up delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Ladies -- if you want to witness your marriage transform -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc and get on a Clarity Call to see how we can help you.
PPS -- Sign up before you forget! It'll be gone before you realize it!
We invite you to listen in to Jameson's story.
Jameson participated in the free MR Foundations course that we offered in March 2022, and then decided to enroll in the full Masculinity Reclaimed course. (We're offering the free course very soon for a very limited time - Sept. 12th! Sign up here!)
Having a good marriage, but wanting to take it to the next level, he learned of the free course and signed up for it.
One of the first lessons in the free course "wrecked me," Jameson said. He realized that he had more work to do on himself than he had realized. The deep reflection caused him to see things that he couldn't see before.
Another cool thing Jameson shared as an unexpected, but also "biggest game changer" result of him taking the Masculinity Reclaimed course, "was me growing with God."
"I wish I could make everyone take the course." ~Jameson
One important thing to remember about Jameson is that his wife joined the women’s program AFTER he did the work on himself. She was incredibly impressed with the results and wanted to join him in the journey! He said there’s no chance she would have done the program on her end had he not gone first. And he’s very grateful – by God’s grace – that things transformed.
If you're doubting that things can ever really change, check out Jameson's story. God can and does do powerful things in marriages and we invite you to have faith to believe that God CAN move in your marriage...through YOU!
Come join us for the free sampler course...what do you have to lose? God cares about you and your marriage and we do, too! Sign up here.
We invite you to listen in to Jameson's story.
Jameson participated in the free MR Foundations course that we offered in March 2022, and then decided to enroll in the full Masculinity Reclaimed course. (We're offering the free course very soon for a very limited time - Sept. 12th! Sign up here!)
Having a good marriage, but wanting to take it to the next level, he learned of the free course and signed up for it.
One of the first lessons in the free course "wrecked me," Jameson said. He realized that he had more work to do on himself than he had realized. The deep reflection caused him to see things that he couldn't see before.
Another cool thing Jameson shared as an unexpected, but also "biggest game changer" result of him taking the Masculinity Reclaimed course, "was me growing with God."
"I wish I could make everyone take the course." ~Jameson
One important thing to remember about Jameson is that his wife joined the women’s program AFTER he did the work on himself. She was incredibly impressed with the results and wanted to join him in the journey! He said there’s no chance she would have done the program on her end had he not gone first. And he’s very grateful – by God’s grace – that things transformed.
If you're doubting that things can ever really change, check out Jameson's story. God can and does do powerful things in marriages and we invite you to have faith to believe that God CAN move in your marriage...through YOU!
Come join us for the free sampler course...what do you have to lose? God cares about you and your marriage and we do, too! Sign up here.
The FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations training is back for the last time this year. If you missed it previously, join on September 12 -- sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
--
First of all.
I'd like to tell you that I'm right in all that I do.
In fact, I'd like to say that I'm right... all the time.
I'd also like to tell you that I'm right even when others think I'm wrong.
I'd especially like to tell you that I'm right when other people think I'm right. (I mean, isn't that extra confirmation that I am definitely right...?)
So, the truth is...
[I have] become like something unclean, and all [my] righteous acts are like filthy rags (Is 64:6).
Even the things I think I did that are right... are filthy.
Even the things you think I did that were right... are filthy.
Oh, but then the things I did that were wrong! (The things I am sure were wrong... eek!)
I hope you see where I'm going with all of this.
You're in the same sad boat that I am.
And... it's sinking.
Seriously.
Can you imagine being on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and it sprung a leak... and then another... and then another...
Seriously, take a moment to put the picture in your mind... breathe fast... your stomach is turning and feel utter alarm and desperation.
The ONLY way you could survive is by being saved.
That's what's happening here. You and me. We are in a leaky boat in the middle of the ocean.
We desperately need to be saved.
Every single time we sin and we hammer a hole in our boat, we need a Savior to restore it. We can't do that ourselves.
When we try to defend our sin, we continue to hammer through the sides of our boat.
What does this look like in your marriage...
As an example, when you are rude and cruel to your spouse (disrespecting and/or making them feel unsafe), you hammered a hole in your "marriage boat".
And then you defend your own righteousness by saying they triggered you... thus hammering another hole in your "marriage boat". Making your marriage worse.
The marriage boat is sinking and your self-righteousness is making it worse... it's going to continue to make it worse and worse and worse.
You can't fix it.
We can't hammer our way out of a leaky boat.
--
How hopeless this is for people who don't depend on Jesus.
If you don't, here's how it is...
You know you're on a leaky boat. You've made mistakes and your whole sense of self is tied up to being a good person.
So, when you see evilness in yourself, it threatens you're whole identity of being a good person. And you can't erode your whole identity by humbling yourself and saying you were wrong (!?)
Of course not! It wasn't your fault, you were triggered, someone didn't do something they should have... it was someone else's fault.
--
Do you see yourself in that description?
Are you following Jesus? Do you really believe in Him? Is He really your King, Master, Lord?
Is He mine? Every. Single. Day?
Our boat is sinking.
That's why only in Jesus is there hope.
We need forgiveness for our sin against God and others.
We need Jesus over and over and over again.
Every day.
Every single action.
It's pride to think we can do it ourselves.
It's pride to think we're good enough.
It's pride to think we are righteous.
It's pride, to defend our own righteousness.
It's even pride to think we can do something great for God without Him.
That's why our burdens are heavy. We think it's our job to do what only God can do. We just need to be grateful slaves. Humbled servants. Dying to ourselves and doing it God's way.
Humility means depending on Him.
Humility is coming before Him.
Humility is needing Him.
Humility is resting in Him.
Humility is being faithful to Him.
Humility is not contriving and defending an identity of perfection, it's boasting in our weaknesses.
Instead, go before Jesus, hand your worry, your issue, your burden, your identity, your pride to Him.
Humble yourself... you can't fix your sinking boat.
You need to be saved. Over and over again.
If you're married... you have hurt your spouse. You have hurt others in your life.
And that was sinning against a precious child of God.
That was sinning against God.
That was tarnishing God's name in front of them. You represented God and you did evil to them. That was sin.
Here's your hope. This is the process.
1- Repent to Jesus --
Confess your need for Him. Accept His sacrifice for all of your sins, and believe in Jesus to be saved. Make Him truly your Lord. (Start reading the Bible and find a Bible-believing church to be discipled).
2- Every day after your first conversion, continue in the same way --- repent of that new sin that He reveals. Come closer to Him over and over and over. That is His invitation.
3- Regarding marriage, your next step is to repent -- tell them the wrong you did, own it, listen to and validate their hurt, and say genuinely how sorry you are that you hurt them like that. That you were wrong.
Guess what that means?
You're strong!
Because you humbled yourself, that means you're strong.
[God said:] "'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness'
[Paul said:] For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:9 & 10b)
Humble yourself today.
Accept Jesus' sacrifice today.
Accept Him saving your boat today.
And then apologize to others you've hurt.
Don't squander today.
You don't know how many days you have left.
I don't do right.
You don't do right.
Jesus is right. :)
Love,
Belah
PS -- If you're a husband, you want to love your wife the way she was designed by God to be loved.
Maybe you know you have hurt her, you've accepted Jesus sacrifice but you don't know what to do next... this free training is going to be a big help.
The free Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations course will be coming on September 12, 2022 -- Sign up here. delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Alternate Title: 7 Steps to a Productive Disagreement
--
Arguing. Ugh. It's so... so... unhelpful.
When have you left an argument where the dust has settled and you felt 100% good with everything you said -- your eyes, your words, your tones...? Everything.
In fact, how would you feel if your church congregation watched what you said and did?
Would you be proud of yourself?
Would you feel small and immature?
Usually, after an argument, I only feel the latter.
To clarify, what I mean by arguing is having elevated emotions when we start using a stronger voice and intense words.
Essentially, the judging/reasoning/impulse-control part of our brains (pre-frontal cortex) goes offline during that stressful conversation and we're left with the "lizard brain" which only knows how to flight, fight, or freeze.
All the wisdom that we have cultivated throughout all of our lives and have prayed for and read about, goes out of the window during an argument.
We say things we don't mean and throw verbal knives at each other.
Sure, we might apologize for it the next day when we're calm, but those words leave scars.
So, can we ever disagree?
Yes.
We need to disagree. That's healthy and correct.
We need to be courageous and disagree about things that matter.
But we need to do it the Jesus way.
I have some very practical tips on how to disagree well, and how to honor God in it.
It's easy to use "popular thinking" and just say what you think. But the Bible is clear that's not best.
"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check...
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:1 & 6
(Also, see the full book of James for more of this type of goodness. :)
How do we make sure we're not setting forest fires with our mouth?
Well, I have given you 7 or 8 keys in this episode that if we could consistently apply, I'd be a closer reflection of Jesus, and I think you would be, too.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage and intimacy - to be connected, and for you to rate your marriage a 9 or even a 10 out of 10 marriage!
If you're interested in finding out if we can help you, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Encouraging believers is a very biblical concept in the New Testament.
I want to encourage you in this episode.
I am praying for several people through this episode:
7:00 - invitation prayer
8:30 - prayer for men who feel like they're not leaders in their home
12:28 - men who are receiving frequency in intimacy, but it feels like a duty from their wife
14:30 - men who don't have frequency in intimacy and lack joy in their marriage
17:00 - women who have a critical and judgmental husband
19:45 - women who want to find pleasure and desire
23:30 - churches and ministries and pastors who would have courage to address the hard issues around sex, sin, desire, & God-designed passion
May God give you grace and strength and encouragement - wherever you are in this mix. Or, if you want to agree and pray with me on these topics.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS We're here to bring hope and help in all these areas of your marriage...we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call to see if we can help you.
*"I speak the name of Jesus over you
In your hurting, in your sorrow
I will ask my God to move..."
*Lyrics to "In Jesus Name" by Katy Nichole
I'm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!
She is actually the Delight Your Marriage Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you and truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.
Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. I am excited to let you hear what she has to say!
Love,
Belah
--
Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.
God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!
*“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4
I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Prov. 13:12
This is my prayer for you:
Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them...intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.
You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.
Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.
God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You...to take You at Your word...
I encourage you to read this scripture as though you've never read it before:
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.*
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:18-28
Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and every thing that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do!
You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine!
Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint...we wait on You.
...in Jesus' name, I ask this, amen.
So, dear listener, remember:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart*." Ps. 37:4
And let me ask you:
How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?
How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?
How long were the Jews in captivity?
Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise - Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so.
Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.
Husband...wife...are you willing to believe God?
Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?
Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.
What does that look like for you in your situation today?
He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!
Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,
Darcy
Office Manager
*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version - emphasis mine)
PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor - click here to schedule
A testimonial from a course graduate:
"I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn’t know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.
But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.
I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!"
Well, first of all, I feel very ill-equipped to answer this question.
However, I don't think it serves you best for me to pretend that I don't know the limited things that I do believe God has taught me.
So, with that in mind, I'd like to share the general themes of today's episode
-humility
-the horrific humiliation of the cross
-how that makes us more surrendered followers
-the necessity of solitude
-the reality of our nothingness which we will only perceive should we stay in solitude long enough
-how I wrestle and fight pride and seek humility -- and how I always hope to.
May this draw you closer to who God wants you to be.
Blessings,
Belah
Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible!
We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.
Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call. I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”
Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible! We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.
Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call. I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”
A quote from a course graduate: “Nothing good ever comes easy, so if you are ready to stop trying to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place and start TRAINING to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place…this program is for you.”
When God said, "Let there be light," something amazing happened.
When I said, "Let there be light," ummm... well... I felt silly and 0 things, amazing or not, happened.
I guess I'm just not God. Which is surprising?
No, it's not.
But, the world thinks we get to decide who God is.
Unfortunately, too many Christians feel that way, too.
It's tragic.
God is not us.
And we don't get to live by feelings.
We don't get to say, "Today I feel x, so it must be true."
A follower of Jesus -- surrendered -- taking up his/her cross -- dying to his/herself -- is not led by his/her feelings.
Feelings of right and wrong...
Feelings of attraction or non-attraction (to spouse or many types of others...)
Feelings of desire for sexual intimacy...
Feelings of pleasure in sex...
Does this mean as a follower of Jesus you have to do things you don't want to do?
...
Ummm...
...
Yes.
Does it mean that you have to do what the Bible says?
...
Ummm...
...
Yes.
Are there things I don't LIKE that the Bible says?
Yes.
Am I the one who said "Let there be light," and something happened?
No.
So, I get to humbly submit to the God and author of ALL and say "You're smarter, You're wiser, Your ways are better, and I'm going to submit my will/feelings/desires to You".
My sexuality included.
"No one should say God is tempting me...
but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death...
[God] does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth."
So, stop asking, "Why am I tempted?" Or, "Why don't I have desire for my spouse?" Or, "Why don't I enjoy sex?"
And instead, embrace the cross of Christ. Deny yourself. And decide this IS God's best for You.
The surrendered Christian's questions become: "How do I do this Your way?" "How do I have desire for my spouse?" "How do I love MY spouse the way You created them?" "How do I enjoy and find pleasure in the sexual intimacy You designed and ordained and said I should not withhold?"
Yes -- sexual intimacy is a spiritual battle. Do you surrender all to Jesus?
Or are you still self-surrendered? Self-guided? Self-centered?
I pray that this would be as convicting to you as it is to me. May you listen and feel God calling you to greater repentance, depth, love, and worship of Him.
Love,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to partner with you in this. God doesn't ask us to do any of this alone. We love helping people into joy in sexual intimacy and marriage at every level in every area. Get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to see if you'd be the right fit for us to help you in this vital part of life. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Are you hurting in your marriage? Is emotional, physical or spiritual intimacy tough for your relationship? Do you want to grow in your connection with your spouse and your walk with God?
You matter...your marriage and family matters...to God and to us at Delight Your Marriage!
We want you to know that there is ALWAYS hope!
As long as there is breath in the lungs, there is hope.
God is a God of the impossible and still a God of miracles! As a team, we are honored and humbled to see them regularly.
As humans, do we always get what we want? No. Do all struggles go away? No.
That's not what we're talking about.
Jesus said that in this world we WILL have trouble but to take heart because He has overcome the world!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, we take Jesus' words very seriously and believe in God's transforming power! He has transformed all of us and we have seen Him transform a whole lot of other people as well!
In that process, a LOT of times, marriages are healed and/or improved! Families are healed and/or improved!
When our team gets together to celebrate, often we’re moved to tears because of the men, women, and children whose lives are impacted because of the marriages that are healed. It’s truly His work.
God is the ONLY One who can transform ashes and brokenness into beauty and fruitfulness! He can use ANY vessel that will yield to Him and allow Him to mold and shape their heart and mind.
You've likely heard the invitation to schedule a free Clarity Call if you want help for your marriage from Delight Your Marriage.
What does a Clarity Call look like and what does one expect to gain from the experience? Maybe you feel a little awkward or uncomfortable with the concept.
This podcast is a view “under the hood” into how we do Clarity Calls…
You’ll meet Dana, a Delight Your Marriage Clarity Advisor, as well as Ray, Fran and James who share with you their specific experience in a Clarity Call.
Whatever holds you back, if you're hurting or would like to be even better in your marriage, Delight Your Marriage has been a whole lot of help to a whole lot of people by God's empowering and grace! We don't take credit for it, we're just His servants being obedient to His calling on our lives!
We'd love to help you, too! We invite you to "step into the water" by faith and see what God will do!
Click here to schedule a free Clarity Call.
Blessings,
Darcy
Office Manager
Delight Your Marriage
From a current client:
“I am starting mod [module/lesson] 6 and absolutely amazed at what God is doing in me and my marriage. I listened to several of your podcasts today. Thank you for being so willing to share truth with those who have an ear to hear.
Thank you!”
I am sharing the episode that has the most downloads at Delight Your Marriage of all time!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Also, I have many free resources and would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPS - If you need help with your marriage -- do not hesitate to apply for a free Clarity Call. One of our Clarity Advisors (a former graduate of a DYM course themselves and experienced transformation in their own marriage) will guide you through the process to determine how we can help you. Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad wrote,
"I could probably fill a journal with the celebrations I experienced in the program!...
By far, the biggest celebrations have been what God has done in my heart! Our sex life has never been better…
our times of making love are passionate, tender, emotional and spiritual."
If your marriage is still plagued by your past mistakes -- she brings up what happened 20 years ago... or he brings up how you used to be all the time...
What can you do to heal it?
How can you two move forward and actually build a better marriage?
I would like you to remember some important scriptures on this topic:
It is His kindness that leads us to repentance.
He disciplines those He loves.
Whoever heeds discipline shows the ways to life.
And then this is the one that's super practical:
"if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."
How do you reconcile?
Apologize.
How do you make your apologies effective?
That is what I want to walk through with you on this episode.
I want you to have all of the know-how to get out there and do the scary, excruciating but necessary thing of owning your side and apologizing for it.
Is it 100% your fault. I bet not.
But, there is always an opportunity for us to own our side and for the purposes of getting right before God -- go and repair with your spouse.
I hope this helps and gives you the encouragement you need to do the right thing.
Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to support you in your marriage -- feel free to get on a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help transform your ho-hum marriage to one that's warm and inviting!
A recent grad wrote:
"I’m not exaggerating, I’m keeping it real…this is what I would tell anyone who asked…
I had been praying intensely for my marriage daily for 8 months... I had very limited improvements until starting the program.
The [Clarity] Advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.
This program helped me stop doing the things that were undermining my efforts to improve my marriage.
I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results.
This might possibly be the best investment of my life."
We'd love to have you see this kind of transformation! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When I look back on my life -- when I see what is currently unseen -- when I see Jesus face to face -- when all has been revealed...
I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.
In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26)
He FEEDS the birds.
I was observing birds yesterday in the park.
There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that.
And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds!
He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through.
And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that.
He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good.
There is SO much you (and I) cannot see.
He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see.
But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life -- it allows you to see the suffering better.
You can endure the suffering with a peace, a joy, and a contentment that is important.
In fact, when you have that peace/joy/contentment during the suffering, you will accomplish at least some of the important purposes He has for that suffering.
Make no mistake, God cares about your suffering.
God cares about the rejection you feel from your spouse.
He cares about your loneliness in the one supposedly "safe relationship" - your marriage.
He cares about the lack of intimacy.
He cares about the lack of warmth.
He cares when your spouse ignores the cravings of your soul that you were designed to have.
He cares.
And IN THIS He is good.
If we only knew how much He truly loved you...
He would risk you possibly turning away from him due to that suffering because He has bigger purposes.
Remember...
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His ways higher than our ways, are His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
We do NOT have to understand.
We DO have to trust His goodness.
That starts with realizing, if the God of the Universe feeds each of these birds, that means he makes each of my breaths happen, each of my blood vessels moves when they are meant to.
It means He causes my son to smile at me.
It means He causes my eyes to even see the sunset.
It means that He not only knit me together in my mother's womb for 9 to 10 months...
But He didn't stop.
He is still in me.
He is still designing, directing, causing all these things to go well in me.
EVERY good gift is from Him.
Even the ones I don't take time to notice.
When my arm breaks it should remind me that He was the one that caused it to thrive every other day.
If we only soaked in the truth of His love, we could more easily trust it during the suffering... He is still good.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
May you know the love of Christ.
May I know it, too.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
You're doing it. You want to hear where you might need to grow. You want to see where you might not see yet. That was Meredith's heart and what led to their amazing transformation.
It is God's kindness to lead us to repentance.
He loves those He disciples.
What are Christians...?
Who are Christ-followers...?
What is a Disciple of Jesus?
We're the ones who ask:
"Jesus, what do you want to teach me? What can I learn to be more like you? How can I walk more in your will today? Show me. Teach me. Guide me."
We are all broken and blind to many things.
(I am in that category, for sure!)
We are all missing some things that others already know -- because God opened their eyes.
If you click this episode, I am proud of you.
You are seeking how you might need to change.
You are seeking what God might want to show you, too, just as He opened Meredith's eyes.
This is a story of transformation from a woman who chose to see the world as God set it up.
Not because it's easy.
Not because it's "natural".
Not because the non-Christians agree with this mindset.
But, because when the Lord spoke truth to her heart surrounding her marriage, she chose to have an open heart and be moved by His truth.
May God speak to you through her story.
She loves God.
She wants to share her story not because it's easy to share.
But, because it's her duty to share what God has done in her, and now, how He can do it in others, too.
What is her story:
Through many things, she started her young life away from God and was promiscuous.
So, sex was tainted from the beginning. When she got into marriage, she associated negative things with sex and now she is a repentant Jesus follower.
This sex-thing must not be important to God.
But then, her eyes were opened and God has done incredible things in her, her husband, and their family.
Now she even has the desire for intimacy. True desire. She's enjoying it and desiring it for herself.
It wasn't immediate, it was a process.
But you can get there, too.
I love you and I'm rooting for you.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to join you on this journey. A single podcast episode isn't enough.
I'd encourage you to take the leap of faith and decide it's time to address this head-on.
And like Meredith, we'd love to join you on a (proven) journey, where you can come to a place of healing, joy, and even desire for the gift God gave Adam and Eve.
Let's talk: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When you sign up for a time with a Clarity Advisor - a trained graduate of these very programs - where it's fully confidential and judgment-free, you'll have time to process things you may never have before.
An opportunity for us to see how we can help you in your specific situation.
We love you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you have temptations to jealousy, here's what I recommend.
If you've listened to the transformation stories and become upset, angry, bitter, resentful...
I want to give you some ideas on what to do.
I get that way too.
I have certain triggers that throw me completely off.
You might as well.
I want to give you some ideas on how I deal with my triggers.
And I want you to get really CURIOUS about what you can learn from these triggers to jealousy and how you can end the cycle.
Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to help you on a Clarity Call, feel free to sign up for a free one here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We get to see miracles everyday and we'd love to help you.
I've been there.
Angry because he wouldn't change.
Hurt because he wasn't giving me what I needed.
And God was kind to me.
He helped me to see that there were places in my heart that needed to be utterly changed.
This journey to freedom in your marriage is one that should start with the heart.
If you're a wife, you may see yourself in Emily's story. I know I do.
If you're a husband, you can see more of how you can serve and love your wife, and also, have hope that God can do miracles in your marriage.
Looking forward to you being blessed by God's kindness through this testimony of Jesus' transformation.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like to find out how your marriage can shift in the ways Emily speaks about, I invite you to join a free Clarity Call ($300 value) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We'd love to serve you and witness God do a miracle in your life as well. Schedule now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Last year, Belah was part of the special intimacy expert panel in the 2021 Sex Seminar (a huge success!). Well, she was honored to be invited back for the 2022 Sex Seminar, presenting alongside 22 other professionals in the field. Her topic is THE 8 BARRIERS WOMEN HAVE TO SEX.
Next week, we'll be sending you a discount code for the entire seminar (which is packed full of value and helpful insights from all sorts of important intimacy topics) and we hope it will be a blessing for your marriage!
"I was pretty much done with life...I wouldn't have minded if I passed away. If this is all life has to offer, what's the point?"
A father of 7.
Deep sadness of his inner life.
Deep pain.
Desperation.
But then... God did an incredible, incredible, incredible thing.
This title doesn't by any means tell the whole story. But I want you to hear the incredible result that God did.
(My other suggested title was "Zero/yr to 5x/wk and She Didn't Know He Did the Program!")
However, the process is what God did in His heart and the fruits showed up in his marriage and intimacy.
And after 10 months of nothing, she started initiating (A LOT) and loving him the way he receives love (in response to his change.)
My favorite part of this story?
That there are seven children growing up in a happy home. A man who no longer hopes for the end, but one who looks forward to what God is doing through and in his life.
That is a good God story.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like to have access to the program that Ken took, sign up for a free Clarity Call (a $300 value) to see if your situation would transform like his. We have a trained Clarity Advisor who will help you discern where you are and if DYM can help you.
Whether your marriage is good or desperate. We get to witness the transformation like Ken, but also that those who have good marriages go to great (!!)
Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PS - A recent grad wrote:
**"My marriage has completely changed.
I would have not guessed that all of this could have happened in such a short amount of time…
and I will forever be grateful for what God is doing in y’all and through y’all!"
Why couldn't this be you?
Sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc**
They're saying a lot of hurtful things.
They're saying it in a mean tone of voice.
Their face has the look of disgust, or worse.
You can feel your temperature rising.
You can feel your face getting red.
You can feel your rage welling up from the pit of your belly.
Is it righteous indignation?
Is it because they need godly correction -- and fast?
Is it that you're just plain tired of being unfairly beaten down?
Well...
In the midst of that moment of emotional alarm...
When the atomic bomb is counting down and it feels like everything has to happen right then, or else...
And your "wise brain" - the prefrontal cortex - has gone completely offline and your "childish/immature brain" is the only thing left and can't seem to see anything but red alarm bells everywhere...
Here are 3 tools to dismantle the bomb BEFORE the explosion detonates and destroys and/or damages all that you hold dear
...hurting the people you love the most - those you're assigned by God to protect, respect, love, and cherish.
But just like a professional bomb dismantler (it's probably called that, right?)...
You've got to be trained AND you've got to practice before the bomb is about to go off.
These are tools to practice.
These are tools that will make you more like Jesus if you practice them.
God has given us wonderful ways to respond to situations in the moment and here are 3 that I want you to have.
Looking forward to hearing how this impacts your life!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help you have the marriage you deeply desire and increase how God can use you more effectively if you do have it.
Emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilled in God's design.
Get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to let us hear your story and to have the insights to see how we can help you.
This is a $300 value -- our gift to you for free -- so God can move in you and your marriage.
It's a brave and important step to get your marriage healed: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.
Three points are made in this episode:
1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.
2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).
3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions.
A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body.
However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness.
So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body.
And surprise... they're still frustrated.
Because that's not Jesus' way.
They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...
Sex addiction, still...
Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...
Longing for your past sexual escapades...
Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...
Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.
(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.)
I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!
Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.
Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...
I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.
On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.
People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear.
We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a great sadness to me.
When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability.
Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged.
Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?"
Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better.
That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself.
The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better".
But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?"
How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the heart I believe God wants us to have around this topic.
This is a part of what our Masculinity Reclaimed program addresses.
Maybe you have lost all hope that intimacy could be different and you may think you're doing all the right things -- everything I teach you to do, right? But, if it's still not working, you haven't tried the program and that might be the step you're missing.
Listen to the testimonials please, because you'll hear some stellar men who were doing it "right" and just couldn't get there until they followed the program and got incredible breakthroughs.
Our whole team will give you 100%, we'd love to have you on the inside!
Schedule a free Clarity Call to get started in our online courses to begin healing your marriage at delightyourmarriage.com/cc!
Love, blessings, & prayers,
Belah
I never want to "get over" the miracles we see, daily.
But, you will be blown away by what God continues to do.
It can happen for you.
It can happen for your friend.
It can happen for your acquaintance.
Families do NOT need to be torn apart.
Husbands do not need to cry in their cars of loneliness due to lack of intimacy.
Kids do not need to grow up fearful and stressed because of the strife in the home.
Ministries don't need to be undermined by leadership infidelity (privately or publicly.)
God can change it all.
It's not automatic.
It is a system.
A strategy.
A... program.
By God's grace, He uses "Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & love being married again" for amazing purposes.
For His glory. Listen in to understand that the work is heart work but the results are true healing, connection & intimacy.
Could it all be different in just 3 months? Maybe! For these gents -- it was! Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Blessings,
Belah
PS - This cohort closes Monday, April 4, 2022
Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
(Enrollment is open for Masculinity Reclaimed program -- check it out here delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- closes April 4, 2022)
--
Skeptical. Yep, that's Bill :) (Ehemm, was Bill).
I don't blame him. He had been through it. His first marriage didn't work out.
He came to peace with being single for the rest of his life, until his (now) wife came along.
Things were good for a while. Until they weren't. And then that lasted 20 years.
Bill went through these two major heartbreaks... there's only so much heartbreak we can go through til we don't want to have hope that it could change.
Why would it. How could it. It's been like this for so long.
Well, though skeptical, he thought he would try the program just for the betterment of himself.
And he worked hard -- ups and downs -- because it's real life. But after a year of continuing what he learned -- he's here to say that it can change.
Completely.
God brought him closer to Himself than he had been for many years.
And God utterly transformed their marriage.
Truly amazing.
If you've gone through heartbreak in your marriage. I want you to have hope. It can change. It can. It can.
You may be skeptical like Bill because of your pain and history. It's ok. But listen and see if God has a reason you should still have hope.
Enrollment into the same program he took: Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & enjoy marriage again! is open now (but closes on April 4 at midnight EST).
Our whole team of graduates would love to serve you and help you to witness God's transformation just like Bill! All for His glory.
Join us! delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Prayers & Blessings,
Belah
Oh my goodness! Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce initmacy & love being married again, program just opened today!
The wait is over. For those of you who have been watching and waiting for MR to open its doors this time around -- it is here!
If you join today, you'll get a bonus, live training "MR Kick Start Training" with me, Belah. This training is basically designed to set you up to "win at MR."
If the price has ever been a concern in the past, we have opened up a new option (it's an experiment). It's called Silver -- it's an unlimited class size -- so less direct attention from me or the team and doesn't include our "accountability system" to keep you on track and give you feedback along the way. But what you do get -- if implemented -- may do exactly what Gold does. (That's why it's an experiment, if we see the same results we expect, then we'll keep it going.)
All of us at DYM are passionate about this free training: Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations.
Not just for your happiness... but your kids (what impacts them negatively now, and the good they're missing out on).
delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse
We'll see you on the inside -- join before we close the doors!
delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse
Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022! delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse
--
How many broken, sad, dramatic stories have you heard this week, this month, this year? Where hearts are broken and families torn apart? Maybe you're even in a similar situation.
This is why I want to share as many of these transformations as possible. Here's where Steve began...
"I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel and there was no light at the end. Divorce wasn't an option. But I was feeling hopeless it could ever be different."
Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard a husband describe his marriage that way. He is committed to Jesus. He loves his family. He wants his kids to grow up in a Godly home, with joy and laughter. And he wants them to see what a wonderful marriage can look like.
But instead, his wife is cold. Stand off-ish. Sex is just a scheduled thing that happens because it's on the (very bottom of) her checklist. A lot of frustration and tension was in their home.
One thing you'll find out about Steve is he's not one to sit idly by letting the marriage disintegrate. This is why when he was searching for podcasts on intimacy, he stumbled on DYM and became an avid listener.
Well, I am happy to say that after 3 months of, only him doing the work, in fact, she didn't know! He said she had no interest in changing, working on the relationship or certainly not discussing sex... but God has done some awesome things!
I want you to listen today because it's when we hear stories that God puts hope in us to a greater degree (I think) than just direct teaching. It's really through stories that we hear someone's heart and we hear what God has done in them and in their marriages.
If you're struggling... I want you to resist the temptation towards jealousy. And instead rejoice that God is still changing hearts, lives, and marriages! (Even if only 1 does the work!) Steve can give you great evidence that it's worth it even on this side of heaven.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to have you join the FREE men's course Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations!! Available for a very short time and will be released starting Monday, March 28th!
Click here to register for the FREE all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course!
A recent grad of the full MR Program wrote:
"DYM has changed me and my marriage, I hope it will be a forever change, but that will depend on me continuing to be the man God has asked me to be.
My wife is responding to me in ways that she has never responded, her love and affection are at all time highs and our intimacy is at a place I have always hoped it would be. I have more energy, focus, and life to give the people around me."
Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022!
Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!
Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?
Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?
And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?
The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!
If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?
Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!
Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don’t miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus’ love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 “Pursue love…”
Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I’m dead serious!
You know, we’re similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree.
Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine.
Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you!
We’re SO excited to announce we are offering a FREE men’s course - it will only be available for a very short time! We offer this only a few times/year. March 28th is when the first lesson will be released. Sign up here if you want to join us!
Men: If you've been around DYM a while -- you know about the Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) program. MR is the 3-month program where we get to witness so many incredible transformations.
Well, we are thrilled to give you a FREE Masculinity Reclaimed: "Foundations" course! Rather than 3 months, this will be 3 days, one lesson each day.
I want to invite you to prioritize it, and make sure you've got it on your calendar to join, starting March 28.
Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse
Believing that God will do huge things in your marriage as a result!
I promise I didn't put them up to this...
But I was nervous about what they'd say, so I asked if they'd let me hear it before it went live.
Golly... made me blush and eyes water. It meant a lot to me.
But more than that, I hope you feel like you've been invited into our DYM family virtual living room and know that we love you and we care about you.
This DYM Team is truly amazing. I am honored and blessed to be a part of others doing this amazing work.
I just came back from sabbatical this week, and things are better than when I left :)
So, God is working through these wonderful individuals and I'm so glad you finally get to meet: Dana, Darcy, Kevin, Vikas, Kyle, and Ali!
I believe that you'll be encouraged to hear more of their stories and their work.
May it comfort you! (If it can happen for them, it can happen for you! Don't lose heart!)
Love & Blessings,
Belah PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marriages due to the DYM programs) then get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce.
Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one!
In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'"
After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time."
Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction.
For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come!
Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry.
We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environment to get the support and help that you need! We love you and want to pour into you and your marriage to release you to better serve in the critical work that you are doing!
Thank you pastors and church leaders for your work! Don't suffer and struggle in silence, don't settle for defeat in your marriage...FIGHT for your marriage, knowing that the battle is with the principalities and powers of the darkness and not a physical battle! DYM will help support you in the battle for your heart, your marriage, and your family!
One of the coolest things that I loved about what Pastor Matt shares on this podcast is that He felt God's encouragement in this pursuit to learn to love his wife well and grow in intimacy with her but He also challenged Pastor Matt that he and God were going to grow in intimacy at the same time!
God longs for our heart and devotion, just as we long for the heart and devotion of our spouse! This is an earnest pursuit for us here at DYM...the heart of God - as He has already pursued us!! Would you like to join us?
We WELCOME you! Schedule a free call with one of our advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy?
Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?
How do you know if you’re off target in how you relate to your spouse?
Maybe you feel like you’re not the one with a problem, it’s your spouse…
“You don’t know what you don’t know!”
Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!
Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, “It’s easy for women to understand how women feel. It’s easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is bridging the gap for men and for women to understand each other and understand how they are different and understand sexuality. What a blessing!”
So, you’ve been hearing about this Masculinity Reclaimed course and wonder just how effective it is. Pastor Luke shares his observation of others in the course with him…
“Twelve weeks is not a lot of time but I think probably every guy was experiencing some change, if not like insane amounts of change over twelve weeks, from just following these simple principles consistently.”
Pastor Luke also says, “The cost was well worth it. I would pay it again…The value was there. The quality was there. The group time with Belah was there…It was worth every single penny. What would you pay to have your marriage filled with intimacy?...I would be really, REALLY surprised if you regretted it after the program.”
We’re here because God cares about marriages and He has equipped Belah and the team here at DYM to help marriages! He loves you and wants to heal and redeem your brokenness! All who are weak and heavy laden, come find rest at our Savior’s feet!
We invite you to schedule a free call with one of our course advisors to see if we're a good fit for you.
"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie
This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God!
In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands.
He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with.
Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course.
You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM!
We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level of great in your marriage. It has been that way for all of us on the DYM team, and we love sharing our new normal with everyone else...because you just can't help but share things that have totally changed your life!
You don't have to just take our word for it, Pastor Bennie and so many others have shared their stories, too! We would love for YOU to experience a better, richer marriage, too, so come on in and join us!!
delightyourmarriage.com/cc - I invite you to schedule a free call with our course advisor to investigate if DYM may be the right fit for you.
"She felt he was pushing her towards sex and she would pull away and it would make him angry".
After 37 years of marriage, God has done a work in their marriage. Even though they were best friends, this was something that was always this "friction" between them.
She felt like she was up against a wall all the time and being pushed caused her to have no libido.
She had never, ever spoken to ANYONE about sex, ever. And she said now she is able to speak about it. After 37 years of questions and pain, now she's feeling healing.
He thought he was expressing his heart and it was just pushing me farther from him sexually.
She says this freedom in intimacy "impacts everything".
I think this will give you so much hope and insights into what you can do as a husband, and how you can be encouraged as a wife.
God is still transforming hearts!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like to find out if a program that Julie was discussing that she or her husband went through, join us on a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor (a $300 value, for free) to determine if we can help you like Julie.
What a fantastic interview with Gary Thomas!
If you're not familiar with him yet, I think you'll be glad that you are now!
Gary has a new book out: Married Sex -- to add to the other books that have been such a perspective shift for me and many I know. His heart is specifically about God's design for marriage as an opportunity to grow closer to Him.
I want to share one specific phrase, the tagline of his bestseller Sacred Marriage, "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" That inspires me and encourages me away from secular values and norms, and provokes me to be more aligned with God's will and desires.
But know, dear listener, he believes that enjoyable and pleasurable sex is a great part of God's plan!
How? Well, we talk about tools and tips and understandings around sex and the differences in men and women that can give you a whole different view of what God intended sex to be.
Gary helps people open their hearts to more. And because you can see so clearly his pursuit for the Lord, it helps to hear him say some things about sex that you might otherwise think are not "appropriate" for a holy person. But the truth is they are and so much more joy can be had in this realm.
Do pick up his book Married Sex and check out more of his work at marriedsex.us
It was a true honor to get to speak to Gary in person as I have admired his work from afar. It really has been a huge blessing to me, my understanding of God as well as grace, joy and respect for my own husband. I'm excited for you to get to know him better!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like to find out more about Delight Your Marriage accountability-based programs and live coaching, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com and click on Clarity Calls or other free resources.
Do you ever feel humbled by your mistakes? Do you ever feel flat-out humiliated?
Oh my, do I fall into that sometimes!
I think the enemy feels glad about that -- and then the shame he heaps upon us while we're recognizing the mistake (and maybe the enormity of it.)
And that's when God's truth (as Kyle, DYM Mentor, reminded me of yesterday) is so helpful.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1
See, when we go out of our comfort zone and try to do God's work, we're going to trip. And that's normal.
One reason I hope and pray that you have seen me trip is so that you can have more courage to get out there and do something that God has called you to do also.
It takes courage, and we're going to trip. I'll raise my hand to that.
We're going to mess up.
But the nice thing is God is present and He is helping us to get up and get better over and over again.
Note: Perfection isn't even a real possibility anyway -- who gets to decide what "perfect" even is? Who are we trying to impress, really? Which of the billions of humans' opinions are you going to listen to? And what if their opinion changes?
But if you say, "I'm going to do my best. I'm going to do something bold". You're gonna mess up sometimes. And it's good!
It feels terrible though. But that means you're still living. Just like a plant, if you're growing it means you're living.
We have to own it and clean up the mess we made, but thank God you're not perfect and you're still growing.
Also, the great thing about God, is that He may reveal your imperfections to those who admire you, for the reason that they need to see you as "not God".
They need to see God as God and you as a humble, imperfect servant who is just trying their best to make Him proud.
So...
Bravo to you. You're out there! You're doing it!
We're not perfect. We're making a mess, but we're cleaning it up and trying to move forward a bit wiser and more compassionate next time.
(Also, if you want to see someone "making a mess in public" check out our website right now: delightyourmarriage.com
We're in the middle of a refresh. And it's definitely in the "getting there" mode.
Why didn't we put an "under construction" sign up and reveal once it's perfect? Well, then I would be taking away a lot of ways I serve you, plus how interesting is it to walk into someone's workshop and see what they're tinkering with as it happens? So, you're welcome to see how we're tinkering :)
Wishing you a fantastic rest of your day, may this episode bless you and give you courage!
Blessings,
Belah
PS -- If you'd like your marriage to go from ok even good to wonderful -- we'd love to help! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a resource to invite your wife to Delight Your Marriage, and to me, Belah Rose.
I would love for you, husband, to listen first and see if you might use this as a warm introduction to my material.
It's so easy to see words on a page and be repelled by it, but it's far better for us to get to know each other on a personal level and I'm hoping that's what this episode allows for.
(For those who have already gone through MR1 -- or are the recent graduating class -- I especially made this for you!)
If you've done the work on yourself, I think it makes sense to pray and ask God for His timing and see if this might be a tool that He can use for a brief and positive introduction to the work.
The work that is transforming families and marriages around the world -- by God's grace!
Blessings,
Belah
PS -- If you'd like your marriage to have the passion (even if you're really great friends right now), then you need to chat with one of our Clarity Advisors.
Allow them to hear your story and see if a program could truly make the change you're seeking. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
I think we often forget about the power of words. Especially if the "party" we're talking about isn't present.
But what about the "party" that is present?
Here's a true saying: "those who talk to you about others, will talk to others about you".
And when your spouse hears you judge another person, they may feel glad that you consider them a confidant.
But the problem is, they also get to hear what kind of person you are.
They understand if you judge others, you're going to judge them the same way.
And judging outside of the bedroom means judging inside of the bedroom.
A judging mindset doesn't stop when you get in the sheets -- and your spouse knows it.
And specifically, women, can't feel safe and free if she knows she's sharing a mattress with a meany.
Then, Jesus has some pretty scary things to say about our words:
"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken."
Yikes!
Who needs to go delete a few social media posts (or dozens?), amazon reviews, apologize to our spouse/kids/family/friends/acquaintances/coworkers, and repent bitterly for the silly nonsense we say!?
Gossip. Slander. Criticism.
Lord have mercy.
This episode is a message to encourage all of us to watch our tongue.
Or... keyboards.
(Regardless of how many followers someone has... you may be reading/listening to plain-old gossip.
And it's on each of us to look away from the "juicy slander" and recognize it for what it is and recognize that the speaker will have to give an account for it.)
This episode is a message is to remember the power of the tongue.
In James, he says A FOREST FIRE is ignited through it.
I want to challenge our cultural norm to say.... all sorts of immature things :) I can only say that with a knowing through experience expression.
Thank you, dear listener...
...for always wanting to grow.
...for always trying to do better.
...for always wanting to make God proud of you.
Bravo -- and good on ya!
Have a great weekend.
Love and Blessings,
Belah
PS -- You need help in your marriage? You know where to find us! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We'll get on a call with you and see how we can support you to transform your marriage to peace, playful, and passion <3
Jfyi, I recorded all of this episode (except for the very last portion) about 11 weeks ago, so for those currently in DYM programs -- take it personally -- but not because I recorded it thinking of you specifically :)
What is masculinity?
What our society says it is?
Powerful, rich, authority, direct, right, muscular, able and willing to kill, tough, deep, deep voice, no emotion, immovable, winner in every arena, sexually desired, admired by all...
Do you feel you have to always have the last word or you're considered weak?
Do you feel you have to fight to preserve your "manhood"?
Do you feel you have to have sex in a certain way/frequency/variety/engagement/enthusiasm from her, for you to feel like a man?
Do you feel your wife has to treat you with respect for you to feel like you're masculine?
I get how it is confusing based on the poor role modeling we get in our SERIOUSLY backward society.
The problem is...
A mature woman scarcely gives a crumb about the aforementioned descriptions.
And lucky you... you married a mature woman who grew from the early days of your relationship where a lot of those things mattered.
And now she wants a man who... well, I'll tell you.
There's an actual, clear example of true masculinity.
The manliest of men.
The best example of manhood.
The only one we must compare ourselves to and rise higher because of.
It's impossible to overstate the importance of us looking at Jesus as the role model of masculinity.
Jesus.
The one who was ridiculed, spit on, false accused, humiliated, laughed at, disrespected, endured suffering when he could have killed them all with a simple word...
That is the true man.
That is our true masculinity.
And that is what it means to be potent.
When you live, love, and lead like Jesus, that is the man your wife is longing for.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you're ready... but you don't know how to do this practically.
That's why we've created and perfected the program Masculinity Reclaimed... God has used it to restore and revive MANY a sexless and lonely marriage.
We'd love to help you, starting with a simple risky step of getting on a call with a Clarity Advisor who themselves have gone through a DYM program and God change THEIR marriages as a result.
Would love to join you in this delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Be a real man, (LOL ;) we'd love to take that next step with you.
Do you have your goals for 2022?
Do you have your goals for Q1 of 2022?
I don't just mean business/work goals. I mean goals that help align your life with God's will.
Do you have a system for discerning God's will?
Well, in this episode I give you my system for discerning God's will and writing goals accordingly.
It's thorough, comprehensive, "begins with the end in mind", and keeps an eye to meeting Jesus central.
Too often people fail to consider the big picture so the small picture seems like it doesn't matter. Well, I want to give you a serious kick in the motivation and "you can do it!" through this episode.
Because -- through Christ -- you following God's will, can be super practical and doable! Here's my system.
The beginning of January is when everyone is excited about goals, so I suggest you use that momentum to set your own goals for the next 3 months (Not year, 3 months -- you'll hear why).
Now is the best time to discern and commit to those goals.
Also, if marriage is on that list...we can help!
Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call (similar to a consultation) where a Clarity Advisor speaks with you about your situation and evaluates how we can help.
Our 3-month programs cost about what you would pay a marriage therapist if you did weekly sessions for 3 months. We have seen couple after couple experiencing huge benefits in their marriages! (Have you checked out our amazing testimonials????)
Ever considered how much that you paid to get married? (Average cost of a wedding in the US is $28,000 nowadays!) Maybe yours was far less than that, but may I ask how much have you invested since then...to make it a lifelong, intimate & happy marriage? Which touches EVERY area of your life?
2022 may be the year to get help on that vow you made however many years ago!
Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to find out how we can help you.
No matter what your goals are in 2022...I want you to be intentional about discerning and setting them.
From all of us at DYM -- We love you and love being a part of your lives in the last year and are so grateful we get to be a part in 2022!!!
Listen in to today's podcast: 320-How I Discern God's Will -- Your 2022 Goals
Blessings,
Belah
PS - A recent wife graduate wrote, "I have so enjoyed working with Belah. She has opened my mind and eyes to so many needs and desires of my husband that I honestly was ignorant of.
I am so grateful for the way we have grown closer in our relationship both sexually and emotionally.
Even though we are in a busy, tiring stage of life with 4 kids - 5 and under, I still find myself craving intimate sex and alone time with my husband."
Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to find out how we can help you.
Oh, we wish you a Merry Christmas,
and we wish you fear-free Christmas,
and we wish you a faith-filled Christmas,
and from all of us at D-Y-M!
That's just one example of why my kids drown out my singing when I make up words to popular tunes.
Regardless of my kids, here's another one I'm proud of...
---ehemm---
Let it go.
Let it go.
Don't worry 'bout it anymore--
Let it go.
Let it go ---
Just wait to see what's in store.
We don't know, what God has planned.
But if we trust in Him --
He'll give us the strength to stand.
---bow---
I am proud of that one. They... are not.
(I promise I sang neither of those on today's podcast episode.)
But today's conversation is about faith.
Faith is what we celebrate at Christmas.
The faith we have in Jesus being brought into the world for us.
And this is the faith I want to remind you of during this season that often can get crowded up with all the holiday festivities.
I want to talk about how vital faith is for the miracle you're looking for in your marriage.
I want to talk about how vital faith is for God's hand in your life.
And how -- I don't want to block God's miracles, because of my lack of faith.
There are nuances that I hope you'll listen to from the episode.
But what about when you have faith and God doesn't come through like you hoped? We walk through that as well.
Ultimately, from this episode this is what my aim is:
When we get to the other side of eternity and look back, I hope, hope, hope Jesus will "marvel" at our faith.
That I would not be offended by His choices, but I would have faith all the more regardless.
That I would not disappoint and frustrate Him by lacking in faith, especially after ALL the amazing experiences I've seen others have and those He's given me personally.
May we each stand in that place of faith that moves mountains.
May Christmas provoke us to walk nearer and in closer relationship with and in awe of the man who came to us...
Jesus, who is Christ the King.
Love,
Belah
PS -- I challenged you to pray about whether or not 2022 would be the year that you spent 3 months focusing on transforming your marriage.
And if it is -- I ask you to schedule a call with a wonderful Clarity Advisor delightyourmarriage.com/cc who can guide you through your own story and see how we can help.
PPS -- Those songs above are not copyrighted (yet--just kidding ;D ), so you can feel free to whip those out the next time you need a bit of extra faith and trust!
How do we process feelings in order to bring about healing into our relationships, rather than cause tension and strife?
Can we trust our feelings?
Do you struggle to interpret your spouses feelings? Does your spouse misinterpret your feelings?
This podcast will help give some guidance about healthy ways to process our feelings and the feelings of those who are in our lives.
What is your compass?
Although feelings are real, feelings can be a disastrous compass. Feelings are volatile, unpredictable, and often, not even accurate to reality.
There is a MUCH better compass to live by!
In order to act in wisdom with our feelings, they cannot be our leader! Rather than react to our feelings, we need to respond to our feelings.
To be direct in our communication is easy for the speaker, but it is hard for the listener. Does our communication style make those who hear us feel safe, cherished, respected, admired, and loved?
Yes, feelings - wisely handled - can be so helpful in so many ways! I invite you into this podcast with Belah as she shares some valuable insights on this subject.
On behalf of Belah, ~ Darcy
PS If you would like help with your marriage, you are invited to click on this link to schedule a free Clarity Call with a DYM advisor.
Oh wow -- what an awesome and surprising conversation I got to have with Ebony.
Firstly, this was supposed to be my opportunity to coach her as a recorded call for our ladies in the group. But, it turned into her sharing her testimony and wonderful insights and encouragements from her life that I just had to share with you!
She was raised by a single dad, her husband was raised by a single mom.
Due to trauma and difficult heartaches in their history, they've suffered many challenges.
She has 3 kids and wanted to rewrite the story of their future families.
When she found DYM it was after she had a season of working on her mental health through therapy. (Something I have done and highly recommend as well!)
When she found the DYM podcast, God started speaking to her through the material. And she decided to get on a Clarity Call and join the program.
She didn't tell her husband because so many times in the past she has said something, he'd get his hopes up and then he would be disappointed.
She decided she would do the work this time without him knowing.
And she started but was so sad to see him resist her efforts. It wasn't until she gave it to God and waited on Him, did her husband started pursuing her again! And now things are getting closer and closer -- in amazing ways!
As a woman of color, she has lived the unique challenges of her community and has come to a place of seeking to be an example of transformation for her own daughters and their friends.
God is doing amazing things in her life and by listening, I think you'll be lifted up and encouraged as well!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Like her, if you're interested in a Clarity Call, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc we can listen and see if we can partner with you and witness what God may want to do in your marriage!
AVAILABLE FOR 5 MORE DAYS....
PPS - For a limited time (this training is going away soon!) there is a free masterclass for Christian wives:
delightyourmarriage.com/wm
If you're a wife, it would be an awesome Christmas present to him for you to take it! <3 Enjoy!
(If you're a husband who wants to get her to do this training, check out a free training for YOU: delightyourmarriage.com/advice )
Last week was part 1, and today I'm excited to bring you the last few items to rekindle the romance, intimacy, connection that may have been lost over the years.
Today, I am giving insights on sex, including responsive vs. spontaneous drive and libido. Which I think will help men and women - high or low drive.
Seriously, if you know someone struggling in marriage -- these are the episodes to send them.
It's definitely high-level but if they'd follow it -- oh, my -- they'd be in a better place!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you need help, we're here! Sign up for a Clarity Call (free, but worth $300) to determine how we can help you... delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - For a limited time (this training is going away soon!) there is a free masterclass for Christian wives:
delightyourmarriage.com/wm
Wife, it would be an awesome Christmas present to him for you to take it! <3 Enjoy!
So this is a catch-all type of episode that seeks to give you high-level insights where you can almost immediately gain traction in rekindling romance, passion, and connection your marriage -- or just take it to the next level.
So, if you've been looking for something...anything that could help -- here you go!
If you have a friend who is on the rocks with their spouse, send them this episode (and the one coming out next week).
If they follow it, I believe they'll witness God's dramatic transformation.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you need help with your marriage immediately -- get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to go through how we can help you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - If you are a wife and want to give your husband true connection for Christmas... take this free masterclass only available for a short time -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/wm
JUST in time for the holidays!
Please listen to this before you have a blow-up with the people most important to you. I'll give you a lot of tools that you can implement immediately.
(Warning: All of the scriptures below and in the episode are personalized to your spouse, but if you know you'll be seeing a certain someone who triggers you, put their name in there, too!)
When I look at scriptures like...
Phil 2:3
“Do nothing towards [your spouse] out of selfish ambition or strife but value [your spouse] above yourself.”
“Care not of your interests but care about the interests of [your spouse].”
That's kind of a knock in the face needed to stop always thinking about ourselves, isn't it?
And don't most of our marital fights start because that's the only one we're thinking about?
I just wonder if we'd be proud of ourselves if a transcript of the last fight was read from the pulpit on Sunday.
But...you may be thinking about when your spouse comes at you with...
-Untrue accusations...
-Totally, self-centered criticisms...
-Immature and discouraging complaints...
What are you supposed to do?
That's what I'm going to help you see in today's conversation.
Here's the summary if you can't listen in right now...
1 - Have a daily prayer time for your spouse & a daily time in the Word so your heart and mind are shaped by God's leadership.
[Enter negativity from spouse]
2 - Wait.
3 - Could there be something you don't understand that is why they are reacting that way?
4 - Compassionately circle back after emotions have calmed and listen to understand, not to respond.
5 - [Several other things I include in the podcast]
6 - Witness God do amazing things.
In this episode, I also teach you how to personalize the Bible so it helps you with your marriage.
And how to get started loving this book (even if it feels like a chore now).
Suffice it to say that God cares about what comes out of our mouths. Here's another motivating scripture...
Prov 12:18 -- “Your reckless words pierce [your spouse] like swords.”
Yikes!
Let's let that word picture motivate us to hold our tongue!
Start at home, because that's your most important human assignment. The person you can harm or heal the most.
The final part of Prov. 12:18 “...your tongue -- if you are wise -- brings healing to [your spouse].”
Isn't that what we want, everyone around us to be healed? Is us "being right" more important than their healing?
When this habit is strong with our spouse, it impacts our habits with our kids, our extended family, our friends, our work, our light in the world...
Everyone.
I pray that this encourages you to be the peacemaker in your home - as that is what God, through His Word, asks of you.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Get the help you need by speaking to a Clarity Advisor (a $300 value) for free here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad from the Masculinity Reclaimed course said, "Thanks for changing my life and my marriage in ways I didn't even think needed changing."
PPS - I've got a ton of free resources if you haven't yet checked them: delightyourmarriage.com/free
You have too much riding on this.
There is too much to lose or gain.
Don't give up.
My goal today is to encourage you. You're doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you're winning.
You're seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn't look like it matters.
You're seeking to do God's will in the midst of your circumstances.
My husband is on the show today because he's the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you're on the right path, you're doing the right thing, and I am proud of you.
Love,
Belah
PS - If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - If you have yet to check out our free stuff -- do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free
Sometimes we look at our blowups and wonder -- how did we even get here?
How did a wrong turn, an unpaid bill, an unwashed dish, or a burnt potholder... turn into World War III?
What happened here?
And why is this kind of nonsense tearing our family apart at its foundations?
It's because you're not really fighting about a potholder.
You're fighting about all the unmet expectations from the years and years of pain you've experienced. And so is your spouse.
How do you get out of this cycle?
And more important: what does Jesus require of you in this cycle?
What does is matter in eternity whether or not you succumb to these kinds of blow ups?
Well, my goal is to give you a bit of fear of the Lord to decide you are going to be a real follower of Jesus and the blow ups aren't gonna fly.
I hope you'll listen in with an open heart and a desire to grow and be edified. And ultimately a desire to grow closer to God's will for you.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Two things:
1 - if you haven't yet checked, there are a ton of helpful free resources here: delgithyourmarriage.com/free
2 - if you need immediate help, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to get a free Clarity Call where someone from my team will speak to you deeply about your specific situation and see if we can help.
I used to be so weirded out by sex, because I was pursuing Jesus with everything.
How could my life be sold out for Christ and have to engage in such carnal behavior?
Then God opened my eyes to quite a lot. I hope you'll listen to today's podcast with an open heart and willingness to let Him reveal His true design and desire for you in your marriage.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - if you need immediate help with your marriage/intimacy please set up a call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Masculinity Reclaimed (the program these gents took to transform their lives, by God's grace) has opened enrollment and it all closes down this Monday, October 18, 2021 11:59pm EST delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
--
How frequently have you heard of marriages "on the rocks" or getting divorced? And how frequently are you hearing of marriages transformed and healed and better than when they were dating! (In just 3 months!?!?!?!)
HERE!
God is doing it HERE!
I want your faith to be inspired and encouraged and for you to feel true HOPE that if it can happen for him and him and him and him and him and him and him...
It could happen for you!
(And these are ONLY the men from the program who are brave enough to have their face and voice out on the internet for all to hear/see!)
It's a movement and we have the largest turn out we've ever had in the free Men's Masterclass! And men are joining Masculinity Reclaimed left and right.
Now is your time -- you owe it to yourself to find out if this is where God would want you in this season.
Find out all the details: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
(If you have a friend who needs hope, send them this podcast, you may be the only one who helps him see that things could really be different if he was just willing to step up. Thank you <3)
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - Masculinity Reclaimed enrollment closes down this Monday, October 18, 2021, 11:59pm EST delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
If you're looking for hope that your marriage or intimacy could change, you've found it.
These are rapid-fire stories of how these men's marriages literally transformed in simply 3 months.
Here are these guys saying in rapid-fire interviews:
"Now, it's better than when we were dating"
"She initiated 5x in a week" and she didn't know he was doing the program.
"Our emotional connection is so much better than it was...she's softening"
"Our intimacy is night and day different"
If it can happen for them, why not you? I bet you'll hear your own story in theirs.
The Masculinity Reclaimed program is what they did and now God has transformed intimacy for their marriages!
Listen in to hear hope and encouragement!
Join the Masculinity Reclaimed program before it all closes down 11:59pmEST on Monday Oct 18, 2021
delightyourmarriage.com
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Once you go through MR, I'd like to add your testimonial to the list---it's pretty long at this point, but I want yours too :)
Why not have the most amazing Christmas and New Year you've ever had! If you start now, that'll be a reality!
Join us -- delightyourmarriage.com
delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
If you join within the first day, you can get the fast-action bonus Team Strategy Session with Belah!
Hope to see you on the inside!
Belah
delightym.com
Join us!
Some gents have met together to go through the material carefully after each class (like a Bible Study!).
Some men have moved their vacation schedules!
Some men asked if they should take off work to make sure they can be a part.
Our team does an amazing job of making this a fantastic experience for the attendees -- very interactive with quizzes, points, prizes and most of all an opportunity to gain the perspective and tools that could change your marriage forever!
Join us, Oct 11, 12 & 13
delightym.com
This Monday -- Oct 11 is when the Men's Masterclass begins -- sign up delightym.com and please send it to your friend who may need this.
--Now to the show!--
I think all the wives will want their husbands to listen to this one.
Because I have the good fortune of working with men every (work) day and hearing their unfiltered thoughts about intimacy...
I can help you understand why your wife often rejects you.
One of the major truths is that it's SCARY to initiate sex with your wife.
So, you probably do...
But in general, it's a half-invested way, in hopes that her rejection won't feel so painful. Because from experience it has been rejected, even your best attempts.
Fast forward to today.
Now, because a husband's attempt at enticing his wife to make love is so "inadequate" for fear of rejection.
(Jfyi "inadequate" was the thesaurus's replacement for "lame" :) )
For this reason, the wife naturally would reject it.
But what if we took the fear out of this exchange entirely?
And your enticing her towards intimacy was filling for her and could even be successful!?
AND you're not full of fear.
Is that even possible?
I think with these insights, you will be well on your way.
to invite a wife--who is never in the mood--
to be in the mood!
--
Jfyi, I go a lot deeper in all of this in a systematized and even templated way in one of the bonus courses, "Romantic Initiating: Start the way she craves". It's part of the Masculinity Reclaimed program.
If you sign up for the men's masterclass you'll find out all of the details.
Join the free Men's Masterclass starting Oct 11 -- sign up ASAP delightym.com
We all have someone who needs help in their marriage, I would be honored and I encourage you to have the courage to send them this way! delightym.com
He does not know it will cost him his life.
Sounds like a horror movie -- where the killer is waiting in the woods without the person knowing.
But the person should never have come into the haunted house in the first place -- if only he knew it would cost him his life.
(Isn't that how those horror movies go? I don't actually know, I don't watch them.)
But, my hope is that this episode would grab you at your core.
I hope it does.
Our society says the absolute opposite of this about sexual sin.
It's so sad and so awful the way sex outside of marriage is touted in our society as "normal" and even "healthy".
Oh but it grieves God. And it destroys a man's soul.
"He does not know it will cost him his life". Prov 7:23
So I want to ring the bell. I want to yell in the streets -- you don't know the danger. You can't see the wreckage, but it is happening whether you see it or not.
So, much of Proverbs warns against the temptation of the wrong way of sex (and so many other places explicitly as well as embedded in stories of men who made these mistakes themselves).
It is a powerful warning.
I hope and pray this episode shakes you from your slumber.
And puts the fear of God in you so you no longer see yourself as a victim but as one who "does not even go near her corner".
Sexual sin should NOT be trifled with.
You know what sexual sin is for you (is it in reality or fantasy... all of that is the sin we are talking about.)
May you see the see evil and hide yourself, "But the naive proceed, and pay the penalty" Prv 22:3
That it might not cost you your life.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Join the free Men's Masterclass: Passionize Your Marriage (even if you're the only one doing the work!) starting Oct 11
PPS - If you know your friend needs this material, invite them to the masterclass send him to delightym.com
Get inspired and encouraged by Nick's story. It's amazing! They were miserable.
He had plenty of ministry and church background. He certainly tried his best!
They had 5-kids, including a brand new baby.
But he and she had resigned themselves to misery.
He didn't even want his kids to get married because it was so painful for both of them.
But in 6 weeks it all turned around, by God's grace!
Why do I share this and other stories of God's transformation?
1 - Because you need faith that YOUR marriage can change.
2 - You can get specific insights that Nick changed and why his wife transformed.
3 - And to convince you that you need to take the free Masterclass coming up in October 11, 12 & 13.
delightym.com can get you straight to the Free Men's Masterclass sign up.
(It's easier to type than delightyourmarriage.com but both will get you to the registration page!)
(To help spread the word about DYM--even internationally to countries where evangelizing carries the death penalty (not an exaggeration!)--leave a 5-star iTunes review, here's how: delightym.com/itunes )
Love,
Belah
PS - Be sure to join us on the FREE Men's Masterclass - delightym.com Oct 11, 12 & 13
Our society today so often wants to ignore God's design and essentially forget the fear of the Lord.
But, he made men and women in His image and those uniquenesses are incredible!
Physiological, psychological, emotional, and sexual...UNIQUE.
Each of our uniquenesses is God's glory revealed.
It's our opportunity to search out His glory through each other.
And it makes sense that the enemy wants to undermine God's design in every way that he can.
One way is pretending that we're the same.
Why is this bad?
Well, husbands assume their wives are intentionally hurting them because she is "withholding" love (in the unique way he receives it), thus grounds for unfaithfulness/divorce/all manner of destruction.
And wives assume their husbands are intentionally hurting them because he is "withholding" love (in the unique way she receives it), thus grounds for unfaithfulness/divorce/all manner of destruction.
But if we start with the perspective:
My spouse, my "ezer kə·neḡ·dōw" (from Gen 2:18), is WILDLY different than me because God made him/her that way.
They desire, love, enjoy, crave completely different things than I do---let me discover what those things are!
In sum: assume you are completely different than your spouse and that you can learn how to love them the way they receive love.
"Making love" rather than having sex is a vital piece. Listen in to learn more.
I'm praying and rooting for you in this!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Men: your free masterclass is right around the corner starting October 11 (don't miss it, add it to your calendar!) and sign up delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
Pastor Nathan's wife had abuse/trauma growing up that severely inhibited her sexual desire and affection with him.
They were good people and she wanted to love him well, but couldn't because of her past.
And her libido was SO low.
Pastor Nathan went through the Masculinity Reclaimed program and his wife transformed before his eyes.
(She didn't do a program).
His favorite moment was when he said after a very passionate experience and he said "thank you"--she responded "well, it was because I wanted it so badly"!
--
Pastor Todd & Donna had a great marriage. (Donna joined him for this interview!)
They come from a long line of pastors and are very busy doing a lot for others.
And it was really good -- but intimacy was physically painful for Donna and she also had low drive.
Pastor Todd joined the MR program (almost by accident) and he felt like he didn't belong there because everyone seemed to have it much worse.
And he felt that her physical pain wasn't because of him at all.
But, he took a step of faith and signed up. She didn't do a program.
BUT... through the program SHE started initiating way more than ever and she didn't even notice.
She started enjoying it more and their marriage has flourished!
He has a Masters in Family Life Ministry said in an email to me:
"My wife and I have been to and led MANY Christian marriage conferences and retreats and
Bible studies and have watched many marriage videos and read many books and I have done
pre-marriage counseling with couples in my role as a pastor and camp director, but I have never
experienced anything as comprehensive and effective as Masculinity Reclaimed!"
Excited for you to hear these two mens' stories, as professionals in the field God has used MR to help their own marriages and I am SO honored, humbled and grateful.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you want to see what MR is all about and get some fantastic free training, sign up for the Free Men's Masterclass coming up next month: October 11, 2021 ( delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass )
This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.
We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.
When you want them to change.
When you feel they were irresponsible.
I have two examples for you:
1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything.
2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.
I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.
Love,
Belah
PS - The free Masterclass is coming up soon (for a limited time) and I encourage you to sign up ASAP so you don't miss it! delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
PPS - I'm excited to invite you to an "Intimacy Secrets Summit" that I was honored to be a part of. A superstar cast of intimacy experts that I would encourage you to get a seat with! Coming up next week!
So much stress revolves around communication.
I've been there!
My husband and I have miscommunications everyday.
Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.
That is silly and allowed for laughter.
But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions.
Or when you're in a stressful situation and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).
Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.
I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.
I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches:
"Your spouse should be your best friend", or
"You have to be compatible with someone to be happy", or
"If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.”
Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?)
Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you need immediate help in your marriage and you've seen some changes from podcasts so far, now is the time to let that inertia grow into long term transformation with training and tailored support.
So if that's what you need, get on the phone with a Clarity Advisor and they'll see if we are the right fit for your situation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Two brothers were at the playground the other day.
I was talking to their mom. This happens to be a beautiful playground with a huge fountain and amazing monkey bars, places to run, sand, swings, ride-on toys, and loads of other kids to play with.
But guess what these two did? They fought over the same circular "stool" to stand on!
The mom and I laughed. With everything available for them to do, THAT is what they had to fight about.
Then I think about God.
We get into squabbles with our spouses. Over...
Who told the story most correctly, who knows the quickest way to the store, what they really meant by that phrase, whether or not they're late, who squishes the toothpaste out correctly...
Oh...
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His thoughts higher than our thoughts, are His ways higher than our ways.
God have mercy!
May we get it right...get into God's will for us.
That starts with the fear of the Lord.
The fear of the Lord puts our lives, habits, tiny things we do, and ways of being into the perspective of eternity.
I talk about how vital it is to get into the Word in order to see things correctly.
We can have absolute faith in the Word when we pursue people who have studied this. In fact, many people who started as atheists studied it and became Christians. The discipline is called "Apologetics" and I encourage you to pursue it to bolster your faith and then get on with what God wants you to do in this world.
...And let me tell you it doesn't include squabbles about toothpaste (or other things that are at that level of small, childish thinking.)
Listen in for perspective shifts and encouragement.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to get help for your marriage right away!
I really do mean this title.
I keep seeing miracles, but when people don't recognize God's working in their lives... it may not continue.
It seems that sometimes people can get so fixed in a mindset of misery that when God does a miracle, they can think it was just a fluke and go back to their same ways of thinking.
The problem with that is, when your wife does something out of the ordinary and you don't thank God for it and have a grateful heart about it, she thinks it didn't matter to you and doesn't do that, or anything more, again.
Or, if your husband finally does some movement in the direction you've desperately prayed for him to go, but you don't believe it's really real, he decides it doesn't really matter to you so he decides he won't do that (very vulnerable) thing again.
We have to recognize God's miracle, let go of the past, trust His hand in our lives and live like He has done the work.
Ten lepers were healed. Jesus didn't call it faith that they were healed.
He called it faith when the one leper came back and praised God for the healing.
I don't think it was that they weren't grateful. I think they doubted the miracle. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe it would have happened anyway. Maybe it won't last.
And the problem is, from the story, Jesus only said, "Your faith has made you well," to the one who praised God for the miracle.
Sadly, I don't know if those other 9 got to keep their miracle...
I encourage you to recognize God's hand in your life. Call it a miracle. Praise God for it and witness Him continuing to work in your life.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you need immediate help in your marriage, sign up for a Clarity Call where a Clarity Advisor (trained by me and a graduate from DYM programs themselves) will help discern if we can help and what the right next step would be! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Do not let the sun go down on your anger IS a scripture.
But for us go-getters it often feels like an argument has to get settled before any of us go to sleep.
So there we are fighting about sex at 12am and wondering why the conversation didn't make both of us feel warm and connected?
My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her.
My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her. Forgive him.
And... as the scripture actually reads:
"Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger".
And get a good night's rest. Then be wise about how to have a real and connecting conversation in the future that moves the ball forward.
Short and sweet today. But hopefully powerful for you!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like some free downloads check them here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPS - We're hiring!
I'm looking for an awesome part time Tech person who loves Jesus and DYM -- who knows about online business-type apps, integrations, and basically the stuff I don't :) And that you love tech!
You'll be trained on our particular tools, our tech team and I currently use, but I'd like you to come with some fantastic skills to bring to the table!
You'll be joining an amazing team and have the opportunity to use your skills and passion to truly impact lives around the world for the Kingdom!
Send an email to belah@delightyourmarriage.com and we can send you more details. <3
I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.
Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.
Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.
My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.
Maybe it's our human nature?
Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...
He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.
(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.
And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)
But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...
I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.
I was so exhausted.
It wasn't until I decided to
1-forgive
and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,
2-let God change my heart according to His will,
3-change my words, and
4-behave respectfully...
Did I witness my husband transform.
And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.
I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.
My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.
And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.
I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you need immediate help, please apply for a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Clarity Advisor (graduates of DYM programs) will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Also, I have loads of free content to get for you: delightyourmarriage.com/free
We're all insecure.
Which I think is why God says "do not fear" so often in the Bible.
The only one we are to fear is Him. (Which when we get that right, it puts everything else in perspective and it's a lot easier to not fear everything else.)
We have to take courage in all aspects of our lives in order to do God's will. And when we fear the wrong things we get off track.
Whether it's fearing rejection or meanness from your wife. Or whether it's fearing what he thinks about your body.
When we take courage in one area of our life it permeates to others. When we take courage in our intimacy in our marriage, it permeates to taking courage to do what God wants us to do in other people's lives.
I am really excited to speak to you today about the fears that typically hold men and women back from doing intimacy the way I think God intends: naked and unashamed, aka naked and courageous.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you need to speak to someone about what a next step might be for you in your walk and journey.
You can apply for a Clarity Call where a member of my team a Clarity Advisor may be able to speak with you and determine how we can help you get to where you're yearning to go.
delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - I have a ton of free resources for you at delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPSS - Oh! And I was interviewed on this cool youtube channel the other day by a friend from long ago. It's exciting to see where she is and that she shared her platform with me. Check it out here!
If you've ever heard my husband on the podcast, you'll want to hear him now. I was speaking to a mom at the playground and she was remarking at how calm Darrow is. "I think babies love him because they can somehow sense his calmness and presence. It's very unique.” I couldn't agree more.
On today's episode, you'll hear the amazing stories! (I was hoping to go "rapid fire" through a ton of the stories... well, we definitely didn't do that, but I think it's actually a lot better this way.)
If you're a man who is suffering in your marriage, you will find encouragement, validation, and hope---you are not alone. Your marriage can change. It has for many others.
Where these men started from was seriously bleak. But, wow! It is wild to see where they they have gone! Darrow says it's like they were stuck in this deep, deep mud - frustrated, angry, in pain, sad, and ready to give up (you may be able to relate), and now they're on the red carpet - like a dream. No one would ever imagine they were ever in that spot.
Listen in today to hear my husband's advice, suggestions, and plain-old encouragement to you, dear listener.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - The free Men's Masterclass is going on right now, but it will be closing soon, so be sure to sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass.
PPS - If you're ready to enroll in Masculinity Reclaimed for the fall semester, space is limited and we'll close enrollment if we hit a certain size, so be sure to go to delightyourmarriage.com/mr-enroll-fall and sign up asap.
JFYI - Anyone who signs up on the first day of enrollment - Thursday, July 22, 2021 - will receive a free team strategy session with me directly!
I'm so excited to witness God transform your marriage, too!
So, this is such a fun story to share. I believe it will inspire hope, excitement and most importantly faith that God can do this for you too!
I remember speaking with Timothy on our first call together and the sincere pain and loneliness he felt with his wife which was so visceral and real.
He reached out firstly just to thank me for an encouraging podcast that he stumbled upon after a really tough moment between he and his wife and it encouraged him.
My heart went out to him. A big part of him thought the state of his marriage was "just the way it was".
How could a class fix that?
Timothy shares what happened to him when he got the tools and training of Masculinity Reclaimed.
What happened to his marriage when he implemented it.
What changes he made.
Week in and week out he "showed up" and did what I asked -- and what I think you can tell by listening to his story is that he changed.
She didn't know he was doing the program, but she started responding to his change.
He was a "Delight Your Marriage binge-listener" before. (I'm super honored for those of you out there! :)
But it wasn't until he was actually in the Masculinity Reclaimed program where the principles I teach are ordered in the way that his marriage needed with tweaks particular to his situation to heal and then be on a completely different trajectory.
Before he worked so much because he didn't have a reason to be home, before she didn't want to spend time, always on her phone,
And guess who cuddles up to him now?
And guess who initiates much more often?
And asks for new things in intimacy?
And has magically dropped life-long the body image concerns and now gives loads of flirty visuals?
Timothy has witnessed his wife become a very different woman because of the way he has changed!
Now people comment to them about how much fun they have together.
Timothy just graduated from the MR program this Spring, and if you want to be in the Fall Semester of Masculinity Reclaimed, I have a "sample" free Men's Masterclass which you can sign up for here.
delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
The free Men's Masterclass is starting Monday, July 19 - 21.
Enrollment in the Fall Semester of Masculinity Reclaimed opens July 22.
I'm so excited for God's miracles to continue to surprise and encourage us toward faith and glorifying Jesus' work... in more mens' lives, more marriages, and continue the good things only God can do!
(Also, keep in mind, Timothy said: "most of the guys" in the course got his kind of results... just wild.) Listen to hear more.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
If you are wondering why she won't initiate or she doesn't have passion when you do...
Here are a few things you may be missing.
Too many men reach out to me and work with me that need this.
If we really believe the Bible, then its instruction will solve the "unsatisfied sexually" dilemma in your marriage too!
Spoiler alert: Being the spiritual leader is a turn-on for your wife! Here's why.
Maybe it didn't matter to her early in your relationship, why would it matter now?
Here's how.
What does being the spiritual leader mean? What would help her to feel like you're filling that role?
And here are practical insights to give grace that will motivate her. I fall prey to the issues all women fall prey to which cause us to lose focus on priorities.
How do you help her in a way that motivates and does not repel or bring distance between you two?
You'll also hear from a missionary in a hard-to-reach country about how his marriage lacked passion and frequency, but he shares what he was getting wrong and how you can get it right.
Also, that missionary went through the free masterclass back 3ish months ago.
It's accepting registrants again so, if you're not yet signed up, the free men's masterclass is coming up next week Monday, July 19 - Wednesday 21! Register asap.
This only happens a couple of times a year, so I encourage your o put it on your calendar and be sure you're registered!
After the free masterclass, you'll have the option to enroll in the full, 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed program, opening July 22.
So sign up for the free masterclass, and you'll get all the details to sign up for the Masculinity Reclaimed program!
Blessings,
Belah
PS -
The free masterclass starts July 19 at 11am, and the free masterclass trainings will be available for about one week.
Coming up on their 35th wedding anniversary, Kim didn't even want to celebrate.
"I don't like you.... I don't want to be mean, but I don't want to lie either".
And Kim definitely didn't want Russ to listen to my material. Because she didn't want him to think more about sex than he already did.
But, after taking the Free Men's Masterclass, Russ felt God told him to go forward with the paid Masculinity Reclaimed program... without her knowledge.
He felt (at least at first) it'd be better for her not to doubt his changes were sincere and not just to "get sex," plus he admitted his motivations became more sincere as he went through the program.
But now she knows...
And I'm excited for you to hear what happened at their anniversary just several days before this recording.
How their marriage, intimacy, and kids have changed. And what SHE thinks about it all now.
If you're suffering in your marriage with pain, feeling unloved, I think hearing from Kim's perspective what changed in her husband that drew her to him and transformed their marriage, will help you have faith for your own.
This is real life and there's time is still required for trust and healing -- but you can tell they are well on their way and there is an openness that only God could have created. Love and
Blessings,
Belah
PS - 1) Announcement: The Free Men's Masterclass: Passionize Your Marital Intimacy (even if you're the only one doing the work) is happening July 19, 20 & 21.
So, I encourage you to get registered and mark your calendar because it's only live for 1 week. Assume each day's lesson requires 1 hour, including homework.
I was speaking to some men yesterday who took the Free Men's Masterclass and they emphatically told me about how valuable it was.
Some men have been signed up for months. If you're registered, mark your calendar to be sure you dedicate the time to go through it.
2) Announcement: For those of you who have been waiting for me to reopen enrollment for the paid program...
The Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy, and love being married again, enrollment opens on July 22!
The free men's masterclass I mentioned above provides awesome value and insight and if you want to go deeper and see dramatic transformation...
Join the full Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) is enrolling July 22 -- sign up for the masterclass to get all the information.
The MR program will occur July 29 - Oct 28, 2021.
To find out all the details, enroll in the free men's masterclass :)
Today's topic is a topic that I hear a lot about from men and women.
I'm addressing men because I think there is a lot of misunderstandings about what turns a woman on. I want to give you some practical help. I'm not mincing words here (though I do make up my own--if you're a long-time listener you understand. :)
This may be some of my best guidance for men, and so I hope you listen with a pen and paper. But women may never have been able to articulate their challenges before, and this may give them language for it...
-
What matters to her in orgasm
-
How to tease
-
How to make her enjoy the experience
-
Why she doesn't now
Men, I believe this could transform your intimacy if you let it.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you like this, I have a FREE Men's Masterclass coming up Monday, July 19, Tuesday, July 20, & Wednesday, July 21. This is a great effort for me and my whole team (including interactive coursework and an opportunity to win discounts or free coaching with me). Some men have been waiting for this to reopen for months, so register now and add Mon.-Wed., July 19 - 22, to your calendar. (Assume each lesson is about 1 hour -- for the lesson & homework). delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
Life is messy.
Things get busy.
Our focus can get on things that just don't matter.
But...
We get to start over.
We can take a breath.
We can reach to see God's perspective.
What does He think about this situation?
What matters to Him most in this difficulty?
I don't think we can see His perspective unless we're well-rested.
Unless we "come to Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.”
It's a discipline to come to Him...to receive His rest.
It's a discipline to not fill your schedule, mind space, sad moments, loneliness, or even the spots of boredom with things that crowd out our possibility to ponder God's perspective on it.
Because God has a totally different perspective on our lives than we do.
We all get off-base.
Loving our spouses the way they receive love isn't natural.
We're seeking to do something supernatural when we love our spouses well.
So if you are noticing you're falling on your face while trying to do that, or you've gotten off track in loving them well...
God wants you to rest, refocus and get back out there -- He is rooting for you.
All is not lost, He is refining you on the path and in the ways He chooses.
Today's podcast goes into how to rest, how I rest, how I refocus, and how I suggest you "start over" in your marriage and all other areas of your life.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you haven't looked yet, there are really fantastic free resources at delightyourmarriage.com/free!
She wanted nothing to do with touch, much less intimacy.
For years.
She loved the Lord and it took a journey for Him to bring her to a place where she was ready to receive teaching around the importance of intimacy.
When Dana felt like her marriage was all but broken and then God took her on a journey and helped her to see what was missing in their marriage.
They hadn't made love (at all) for years.
And when she took the Free Women's Masterclass the Holy Spirit spoke to her and completely transformed her marriage in a week!
And this is her story of transfomration.
From being repelled by his touch to craving intimacy with her hubby!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you'd like to take the Free Women's Masterclass that Dana speaks about it's available here for a limited time! delightyourmarriage.com/sc
PPS - If you're a husband who is hoping and praying for your wife to have this kind of transformation, let's see how we can help you.
Fill out a Clarity Call application so you can speak to a DYM Clarity Advisor -- someone who was in your shoes and the Delight Your Marriage programs changed their marriage and life: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
"It's part of life."
But it really is, IF we're growing. If we numb and distract ourselves away from God's growth opportunities, we can really get off track.
When you have made a mistake, own it, apologize for it, learn from it, and tether yourself to Christ BECAUSE of it.
We can't do this on our own. We're not supposed to. And if you think you can, sin is probably getting in there.
When you make a mistake it is a grace.
"It is His kindness that leads us to repentance." Romans 2:4
How cool is it that he redirects us on THIS side of eternity.
Accept a failure as a gift.
A gift to grow.
A gift to say "never again".
A gift to completely change everything.
A gift to make an important tweak.
A gift to make a life-altering habit change. (Yes, habits alter our lives... more on that another time!)
Bravo to you for growing. Bravo to you for listening to God's leadership.
"His ROD and His staff, comfort me." Psalms 23:4
His rod is his direction and redirection -- we get to be comforted by the fact that He will not let us go off the path into danger. If we allow his rod which is firm and instructive to guide us.
Listen in for encouragement and the knowledge that your failure is a GOOD opportunity for God's work in you.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you're ready to see how God can transform your marriage possibly through a DYM program, you can sign up for a FREE Clarity Call with me or a member of my team here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you were looking for marriage counseling, you would first have a consultation to see if you'd be the right fit. That's what a Clarity Call is.
But the real value you get is seeing what's under the surface in your relationship and discerning what God wants in your marriage and life. Would love to have you on! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When she says, "We just don't communicate," or "You never listen,"...she is talking about this learnable skill.
Listen to her heart. Listen to understand. Listen to let her know you understand and care.
Not listening to respond or even defend yourself.
It is to listen to her emotions and sit with her in her pain. To be curious and to give her a safe space to share. When she shares her emotions (her heart) vulnerably, you are witnessing courage.
You are on sacred ground.
Tread carefully and gently.
For Mother's Day, just the other weekend --
Did I get diamonds?
A weekend getaway at a fancy resort?
A stainless steel, 14-quart Instant Pot Duo Mini 7-in-1 Electric Pressure Cooker?
I mean...
Sure those would have been good gifts.
But...
what I got was priceless:
Hours of his full attention.
He got excited about what I shared.
He cared about what matters to me -- how I'm growing,
how I was feeling,
and genuinely wanted to hear more.
He noticed my feelings -- wanted to hold space for them --
and held me emotionally...
And...well...did what I teach you to do in today's episode.
It was far more fulfilling than those other things ever could be.
(Just FYI, when he surprised me with my favorite wine, beautiful glasses, roses, and sitting together in a gorgeous spot in Central Park...that did add to the intimately fulfilling conversation. :)
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you'd like to have a conversation with me or a member of my team about what's going on in your marriage and see if one of my programs can help you, apply for a Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Delight Your Marriage has been awarded in the Top 30 Relationship Podcasts for 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021!
"Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful."
It's ok to not feel amazing in your marriage all the time. This is real life and sometimes things happen.
Someone gets sick.
Someone is tired.
Someone was selfish.
Someone wasted away their entire Saturday watching superhero movies and didn't feel like being an intentionally seductive tigress.
(This last one was definitely me).
Your spouse is wonderful, but even in the best marriage there will be moments of the negative side of the wave. And that's ok.
That's normal.
If you're a 2 out of 10 and on the best days you're a 4 out of 10...
I want you to get to a 9 out of 10 and the bad days are just a 7 out of 10.
So, get your marriage to a better spot but when you're up there in your healthiness, expect waves.
Also, if you want to work with Belah to get your marriage healthy (up your marriage to an 9 or 10), find out more by getting on a call with her or a member of her team to see if it's a good fit.
Fill out an application here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".
My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.
What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.
You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.
For many, it works (by God's grace).
But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.
This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.
Here's what I hope for you.
I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.
Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does.
The cool thing is...
Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love.
Humans heal.
Humans let down their guard.
Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment.
The desperation ends.
Peace and freedom begin.
And marriage can become pretty amazing.
BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Loads of free downloads here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
Delight Your Marriage has been awarded in the Top 30 Relationship Podcasts for 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021!
"Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful."
We work through recommendations---if you've been impacted by our work, please consider helping another couple by sending them to delightyourmarriage.com
In our family, we are going through some important paradigm shifts around parenting - through a coach, articles, books, etc.
It's great! It’s also hard to look at the mistakes.
The truth is that it is hard to change. It is not only difficult to do things differently, but it also takes courage.
It takes courage to say, "You know what? I was doing things wrong and now I'm going to do it better.”
It's vulnerable and can feel excruciating - very!
But it is strength, not weakness, to change.
God is a good God and He will lead you when and how He wants you to change.
There are times the enemy will use those genuine convictions from God as opportunities to take you into a tailspin of self-doubt/self-loathing...don't let him!
Here are some fantastic tools to give you more insight to help you change faster without the issue of depression that you've done it wrong for so long.
That's the beauty of Jesus...He is leading you. He is guiding you.
He is revealing what He wants to reveal to you in the season He wants you to learn it. We can trust Him on that.
The fact that you're willing to "go there" means you're already on the right track!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you leave an iTunes review and send me a screenshot, I'd happily send you a couple of free trainings from some of my best-selling courses!
If you're not sure how to do this, find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
Duty sex" or "lazy or selfish husband". These are phrases I hear a lot. And it's sad.
It's certainly not what a good and loving marriage should be. "Duty sex" often means a wife's body might be present during physical intimacy, but her mind and enthusiasm are far, far away. These are painful to a man's heart.
And "lazy or selfish husband" is usually the man who from her perspective takes her for granted--the romantic getaways, surprises and special gifts or experiences are long gone and his character is abysmal. These are painful to a woman's heart.
It comes down to our discipline to change these parts of ourselves.
Feelings are important and God-given. They get to be acknowledged, drained, and let go. They are important, and you can curiously listen to them (in yourself and others), but at the end of the day they don't get to "drive your bus"--your values do.
In this episode, both husbands and wives will be edified to become more aware of their own gaps of discipline which is causing their feelings to go in the wrong direction.
And I'll share the important and generally unusual disciplines that will get your feelings on track to pursue God's will for your life in the context of your marriage.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you write a review on iTunes, I'd love to send you some free trainings!
Post a review and send me a screenshot - find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
I talk a lot about success stories. To inspire you that transformation can happen and God does it all the time!
But this is really all about unconditional love. That your actions and words towards your spouse are "I love you no matter what."
Why is that such a difficult posture to take with our spouse?
I think our culture and society teaches us to compare, wrong ways of interacting with our spouse and a very "I won't do that unless you do this."
So, this podcast episode is to...
1-Remind you that you're doing a really good job at a hard thing. The fact that you're listening in means you want to do this God's way--and I'm proud of you!
2-Remind you that this is all about loving the way Jesus loves.
3-What to cut out of your life that may be getting in the way of you doing this.
Bravo to you.
Love,
Belah
2 Different Stories:
1 - Norm's wife shared that she wanted to end the marriage. That she didn't like or love him anymore.
He prayed fervently, listened to, and read lots of resources (including to all of mine :), but he didn't realize he was missing some key components that were actually undermining the good he was doing.
He joined Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) because he wanted the marriage that he heard from other MR Graduates had. He shares the specifics of what he did that made the difference in his marriage:
"A complete 180...our marriage is completely reborn, everything is wonderful...she's pursuing me now."
Before frequency was 1x a month and often ending in an argument. But now she comes to him and it's about 3x a week. And it's open and loving with awesome visuals and freedom from her.
She didn't know he did the program. And still doesn't know. But she says she's "in love" with him now!
He said "It's never been like this in our entire marriage" in intimacy and every other way.
--
Here's another story of God's transformation from a different marriage:
2 - Hope has been a part of DYM for 4 years. And now she's part of the Intimate Freedom program which includes Grad Groups.
She helps to clarify the confidential space of Grad Groups and invites you to join the journey with other ladies.
And how the philosophies of DYM have changed her and what she thinks about this program for her and other women.
--
Enrollment of the men's and women's programs closes on Thursday at 11:59pmEST. Join now! delightyourmarriage.com/enroll
ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you already registered for the FREE Masterclass---they are being released at 7pmEST, TODAY.
Or sign up here: delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
--
About 15-20% of couples are "sexless" meaning very few instances of intimacy per year. When I work with these couples it's evident that both people are hurting.
And often the husband doesn't realize he's injuring his wife on a daily basis which prevents her from coming towards him in intimacy... which leads us to Paul's powerful testimony of Jesus' work in his marriage.
This conversation is such a joy because you can’t help but be in awe of God after listening.
Lyle and his wife had been married 35 years. And unfortunately, many of those years were sexless.
Though they spent 21 years in counseling, tens of thousands of dollars on counseling, they had experienced separations and he said they were housemates and often adversaries.
“The year before your course, we had sex 4 times” and as he puts it there was no intimacy, just “sex”.
He decided to take the leap of faith and enroll in the Masculinity Reclaimed program. He worked for 3 months. But he saw changes even after the first meeting.
His heart changed. He started to see her as an incredible woman again. Something he hadn’t been able to see for many years.
And his wife started noticing his changes and liking them!
And then they started making love! Enthusiastically and regularly! And even a few months after the program (and him still implementing what he learned!) SHE suggested they make love every week in a playful and positive way.
They went from housemates to friends and lovers.
Lovemaking increased in all ways, but as Lyle mentioned it is reflective of their entire relationship improving.
And she didn’t even know he was doing the program, because he didn’t want her to think his efforts to change their marriage were selfish or all about sex.
When he did share it with her a couple of months after the program, not only was she glad he did it, but she also said she was glad he didn’t tell her.
Otherwise, she would have been suspect.
I grilled Lyle pretty hard on this point because it’s a question I get from husbands a lot.
They want to take the program but feel they need to involve their wives. But Lyle wonders how about planning a surprise for your wife--a birthday party for example.
It’s also a secret, but a good secret. And one your wife will THANK you for later.
You’ll be encouraged by Lyle’s testimony. You can have hope of transformation. Truly you can.
The burdens of rejection, stress, and oppression were gone and instead were replaced with creativity, energy, and LIFE.
Intimacy can be hard to navigate especially when your marriage seems to be falling to pieces, but by God’s grace, it does not have to stay that way.
Listen in to this amazing testimonial of God's transformation! And Lyle gives plenty of advice and encouragement for you!
Blessings,
Belah
PS Today is the day for the FREE Masterclass! One for men or the other one for women, go to delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass (It’ll be available for just a few days.)
It's released at 7pmEST today!
Have you ever felt like your intimacy was just a duty that needed to be marked off the “to-do” list?
What about that sex was great physically but emotionally it was empty?
Or, have you gone to bed wondering why this amazing, God-given thing is causing so much strife in your marriage?
Kyle & Ali were both there at one point in their marriage…
Ali saw sex as a “thing” that was constantly there pestering her. She was intimate with her husband to please him and only him.
Their children noticed that their marriage was suffering. They were not emotionally connected, so they were not acting as a team. They communicated solely to run their family.
But then...
They took a leap of faith and joined the Delight Your Marriage men’s program and women’s program!
Now Ali loves communication and their home is a “peaceful and cozy environment.” The pressure is gone and she feels the freedom to initiate. Intimacy is a priority now and not just another chore to be done.
In fact, she shares,s, “I desire sex now! I didn’t think I’d ever say that.”
Kye hated that his wife did not seem to desire him or intimacy at all. He spent a lot of time discouraged so he struggled to be fully present as a husband, father, or friend.
He did not understand why this God-given thing was causing so much stress in his marriage. He wanted to enjoy intimacy and for Ali to actually desire it.
After their Delight Your Marriage programs, they both discovered the missing link to their chain.
Kyle described their intimacy as being a 10 out of 10 now!
He began loving his wife the way Christ loves the church in practical ways and now intimacy is no longer a duty, but instead, it's full of mutual service and love.
To hear the way God is truly using these programs to transform lives is such a testament to His goodness and faithfulness.
Be sure to join in; you don’t want to miss it!
Anne and Glenn lived in a blissful honeymoon state at the beginning of their relationship, until their relationship quit growing and grew stale. They described it as being stuck in winter.
Anne felt like intimacy was an obligation and sex felt forced. She did not feel emotionally connected and he did not feel physically connected, so the suffering began.... and stayed for over two decades.
The power of a praying wife… God touched Glen and caused him to start a journey to better himself and turn his marriage around.
He stumbled upon a Delight Your Marriage podcast and shortly afterward signed up for Masculinity Reclaimed.
In fact, at 3am God prompted him to sign up… and he’s glad he did!
He discovered how to date his wife again, how to connect deeper, how to forgive, and how to be vulnerable in his marriage. Not only did Anne begin to notice the changes, but so did their daughter and son!
The trickle effect continued when Anne decided to take the Delight Your Marriage, Intimate Freedom course. She gained confidence in herself and for the first time in a long time, intimacy was fun! She found her femininity and felt like she could truly be herself because the emotional trust was there.
She challenges us listeners: if you are not going forward, you are going backward. It is your choice.
Tune in to hear this amazing testimonial. It will inspire faith--no matter how long your marriage has been “this way” it can change!
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you’d like to join the free masterclass coming up March 25 for men or the other one for women, go to delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass (It’ll be free for a limited time)
If you’d like to find other free resources go to delightyourmarriage.com/free
If you want your marriage to change... this is required.
Faith.
Faith that it will change.
But how do you even get there? How does it relate to your life?
I have some extremely practical ways for you to have a renewed sense of faith that things can change. Keep in mind, if you don't have faith things will change---undoubtedly they never will.
It is so easy to compare our lives and our circumstances to those around us. Add on plenty of cultural norms that make negativity almost an expectation.
That becomes the breeding ground for anxiety, worry, depression, and angst to grow.
But God has called us to live a life full of joy and abundance even in our marriage and intimacy.
Join me as we discover the deeper meaning of faith, what having a disciplined mindset means, and how to visualize positivity for our lives in the middle of a hard season.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you’d like to join the FREE training for women all about confidence in intimacy — which will be available for a limited time — go to delightyourmarriage.com/sc
If you’d like to be included in the FREE Men's Masterclass: Passionize Your Marital Intimacy---even if you're the only one who works: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
This is very interactive, so you don't want to miss it!
Today’s interview is with Jeremiah, a graduate of my Masculinity Reclaimed program.
They had a pretty good marriage. And originally their sex life was pretty good, but life happened…
Like many of my listeners, once kids came into the picture things began to deteriorate in that department.
She no longer felt emotionally connected and he no longer felt fulfilled intimately.
Jeremiah realized he was only getting out of his marriage what he was putting into it; it was not actually all her fault.
So, he set out on a journey of self exploration, enrolled in Masculinity Reclaimed, learned how to emotionally connect with his wife, and slowly but surely progress began to follow.
At one point he basically says -- honestly, I thought the men you interviewed of their success through your program were paid actors… until it happened to our sex life!
But most importantly he shares in this episode the specific shifts he made in himself that transformed their intimacy.
Join me as we dive into how Jeremiah went from somewhat stale and obligatory intimacy to deep, emotionally fulfilling lovemaking (where she initiated even 2x in one day!)
Be inspired--be encouraged--get motivated!
Blessings,
Belah
PS
If you’re a man, you’ll really want to sign up for this free training “Men’s Masterclass” at the end of March 2021 at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
If you’re a woman you can attend a free class all about confidence in intimacy — which will be available for a limited time go to delightyourmarriage.com/sc
If you’d like to find other free resources go to delightyourmarriage.com/free
Frequently, men are craving intimacy more than their wives. If you're in that category, then this podcast will help you.
I have some very important lifestyle and in-the-moment advice for you when you are in the mood but she is not.
These are productive things you can do. And if you know me at all, I'm rooting for generous and fiery passion in your marriage, but... how do you get there? Some of my advice may seem like it's not moving you in that direction. However, you may be surprised that when you become more the man God wants you to become--in the context of your marriage--your wife naturally is drawn to that. Intimately. Lots of goodness in this podcast and I think it will help a lot of men get a vision of how to shift things long-term and even in the moment when they are desiring her. Blessings, Belah PS... For the free Men's Training coming at the end of March, go to delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining For the free advice training for men who want to invite their wives to listen to DYM, go to delightyourmarriage.com/advice
Sex motivates us to be the men and women He wants us to be. Men have to discipline themselves to be more like Jesus for her to want to have sex with him. For a woman to desire sex, she has to be at peace, confident, and aligned with God's priorities in who/what gets her time. So, this podcast is directed towards women because often women are the organizers and they are the ones who tend to struggle to have passion. But what if there was a way to actually organize your life so that passion is a consistent desire and fulfilling activity? That's what I want to talk to you about. As Jesus followers, we are invited to do things that aren't the societal norms. I think that passion for women is fairly "natural" for the first 2-3 years of a relationship/marriage. And after that it requires intentionality. She just stops feeling it... nothing against that specific husband necessarily, she switches to life, busyness, mom - mode. And the attracting-that-guy-mode which heightened libido fades. BUT! As a wife you can organize your life, your thoughts, and your pursuits in a way that causes you to desire sex, but it requires intentionality for women. I vowed that on our wedding day, and it will never be negotiable. That's called exercising faithfulness to my marriage vows. Is it a "duty"? That's a gross way of thinking about loving a person---not to mention the most important person of your life. Is a husband accepting, encouraging, and listening to his wife's heart a duty? It would be gross if that's how he thought of it. But, both are expectations of faithfulness as a married person. Both are opportunities for them to bless each other and fulfill God's will at the same time. Blessings, Belah PS If you'd like to join the free training for women all about confidence in intimacy -- which will be available for a limited time -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/sc If you'd like to find other free resources go to delightyourmarriage.com/free
Darcy is a busy business owner, mother, and grandmother--married 28 years.
She loves God and has had a better than average marriage all that time.
A friend of hers invited her to listen to the podcast--saying it had brought them to tears.
And when she listened, she too was brought to tears with a very different understanding of intimacy than she had ever realized.
God did an utter miracle in her heart and her marriage.
For days she had a voracious appetite for intimacy with her husband. She says it gave her insight into how a man feels all the time. And she feels a oneness with him she's never felt previously.
Her husband changed! His low-grade depression disappeared! He is becoming a better father and man of faith. He is thriving before her eyes.
Their daughter even asked: "Mom, what happened to dad??"
If you're a wife, I encourage you to listen with an open heart.
God may want to speak to you through Darcy's story of love for Jesus. Which fueled a change of heart towards her husband.
I encourage you, if you know someone who may need to hear this story, send this to them. That's how Darcy's life changed. Someone had the courage to share it with her!
God bless you,
Belah
PS - I have MANY free resources! I would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free
I love new years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though practically speaking it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates.
But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will.
So, that's what today's podcast is about. Becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days, which lead to weeks, which lead to years and then decades.
We must be cautious about how we spend our time, and spend it in priority to God's will.
I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live.
I will also discuss the process I use to discern God's will for my life every quarter. Because I think we need to be considering God's will consistently in our lives and move towards it more and more every day.
I think you'll love the conversation and I look forward to hearing from you!
Blessings,
Belah
PS, if you'd like the free resource I mentioned to help you understand how to love your spouse the way they are craving, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework
There are too many marriages flirting with divorce. You may be one, if not you probably know several.
Maybe you're at a spot where you don't want to be there.
...you want to run away.
...you're exhausted.
...your spirit is broken.
Maybe you've only ever thought it or maybe you've admitted it to others.
I want to invite you to take the power you have to see that there may be a real strategy to get this thing turned around.
The podcast I released is a roadmap on how to get to a place this thing turned aroundce where you maybe, could possibly want to stay married.
It's not easy when you have been beaten down, neglected, rejected, controlled...
What can you do?
I want to give you 5 Steps that if followed in order, can quite possibly save your marriage and actually make you want to stay in it!
I don't have to convince you that your life (your kids' lives...) would be better if your marriage became healthy and loving again.
I hope you'll take the encouragement to focus on this and make these important changes.
Blessings,
Belah
If you want to find out about my live coaching & accountability programs...
For wives: Intimate Freedom (accepting enrollment now) or
For husbands: Masculinity Reclaimed (accepting enrollment in mid-March) you can email me at info@delightyourmarriage.com
Sign up for the free PDF Framework here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/framework
When we have a warm, loving culture in a family, passionate intimacy is the result. Or is it the cause?
--
If you're listening to this in the present, our world is in many challenges and the holidays may look different than they ever have for your family.
How can we see this as a gift?
If you're a husband...
-you have an opportunity to shift the culture of your marriage to one that attracts your wife towards frequency, engagement, and freedom in intimacy.
If you're a wife...
-you have an opportunity to shift your intimate interactions to one which attracts your husband to be a man of the fruits of the spirit, romantic, and the spiritual leader.
Either party can make important changes.
But changes are hard and risky. Risking looking silly. Risking being laughed at or judged because this is outside of your "norm".
Luckily in the midst of the challenge, there is a huge opportunity to redefine your "norm". Redefine the culture of your marriage.
Making a culture that actually brings you two together rather than tears you two apart.
That's my invitation today: look at this challenge as a gift.
During a challenge, everything can change.
You can use this as a jumping-off point for your entire marital culture to change: warmth, laughter, playfulness, and safety as well as passion, freedom, and frequency in intimacy.
This challenge is truly an opportunity for dramatic changes in your marriage.
Love and blessings,
Belah
PS - Husbands, I have advice for you if you'd like to get your wife involved in my material: www.delightyourmarriage.com/advice PPS - Wives, I have a Free (for now) training for you about Seductive Confidence... head over to delightyourmarriage.com/sc
My conversation today is with a wife who had a persistent husband.
After he worked on himself (!) he highly encouraged her to work with me in a program. At first, she wasn't happy about it and she felt pushed into it.
But through the process of understanding who her husband is... different than who she is, she discovered that God may be asking of her something that she didn't expect.
For wives: if you feel "pushed," (assuming there's not abuse and your husband is a good man) Diana's encouragement is to come at it with an open mind. "What do you have to lose? ...Your marriage"
I believe this conversation is one you won't want to miss!
For wives... Right now I have FREE training series for wives: Seductive Confidence, you can get it at delightyourmarriage.com/sc
(Be sure to sign up right now so you can have access to the training!)
For husbands: here's some free advice if you'd like to invite your wife to listen to my trainings: delightyourmarriage.com/advice
This is part 2 with my husband where we're talking about what seduction means to men.
Husbands:
I encourage you to "catch" my husband's heart. That's what's so attractive. That spirit is what encourages me to be generous in the ways my husband desires.
If you want more insight, on how to introduce your wife to my material, I have a special FREE Advice for Men To Invite Their Wives training.
Wives:
If you're a wife and want to get access to a FREE training called Seductive Confidence Masterclass. I am excited to encourage more women to grow in their God-given right to be free, playful, and loving through intimacy!
Blessings,
Belah
Hi there,
Today is extra special because I have on the most amazing man I've ever met. Ehemm... my husband. :)
If you want to know why I am the way I am (well, regarding the generous things in intimacy), it's because this gentleman loved me really, really well and continues to every day.
It's not necessarily intuitive, but it is God's way.
This conversation will be instructive for wives -- who feel insecure and challenged by seduction -- and husbands -- who want to be pursued with playful and fierceness.
For men - You'll find out that gentleness and compassion are the keys to her heart as well as specifically what to say to her that makes her want to make you happy intimately.
For women - You'll hear from a really good man, what seduction means to him and why it's important.
If you'd like to get a free download of some of my favorite seduction tips, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/tips and you'll be signed up for the Free Training on Seductive Confidence coming soon!
Blessings,
Belah
As a wife, this is something I really struggled with. Why would he want me to do such embarrassing things? Does it remind him of sin? I don't want to be associated with his past. Also, it's not my personality. And in general, I'm not comfortable. I had SO many more hang-ups around this. But, one thing kept knawing at me. Why is this all over our society? Specifically seduction. Yes, the act is in certain movies and x-rated things that I don't watch. But seduction is almost unavoidable (even in PG-13 movies). Whether it's a glance, a teasing, and revealing advertisement...it's everywhere and unavoidable. It's in every culture all around the world. Yesterday, I received an email that Delight Your Marriage is ranked as the #1 Podcast in the categories of Sexuality as well as the category of Health & Wellness in several African countries which (is really cool!) means that culture doesn't make a difference. These philosophies go across cultures and all over the globe. Why does seduction matter? This podcast is directed at wives, but if you are a husband I think you'll get a glimpse of what's holding her back. Get the Seduction Tips here and a free training on this! www.delightyourmarriage.com/tips
If you're new to Delight Your Marriage, this is the first episode you should listen to. Many people come to my resources with a question on how to make their marriage better but they really don't know where to start. This is a rundown on the most important philosophical underpinnings of Delight Your Marriage. This gives the best introduction to the foundational principles that I use with people from all over the world--by God's grace--to transform their marriages and families. Just a few things included: * What a husband needs and what a wife needs to feel fulfilled in a marriage * Why intimacy is so important to a husband and that's reflected in the brain's physiology * Why, I believe, God made men & women's drives so different * The underlying reasons emotional and physical intimacy isn't strong in a marriage * When people are struggling in their marriage they often get advice which makes it all worse. What's the missing piece? Strategy.
Listen in and go to delightyourmarriage.com/resources to find out about all the courses I offer to totally transform your marriage! There are courses for husbands or wives to receive the love you're craving in your marriage. Blessings, Belah
So, today's a pretty important day. And you may listen to this in the future which will be relevant. More than ever, our land is divided and we have strong convictions on right and wrong. In Jesus' day political issues based on power, oppression, greed, and con... plagued everyone he interacted with. They were impacted at a personal level. Jesus' sights were different than those experiencing political suffering. He taught us how to love from our hearts. He brought enemies together to pursue God's kingdom over an earthly kingdom. I don't know what is going to happen in this election. I know I voted according to my convictions. More importantly, I know that if the other side wins, God is still my King. He is bigger than me. His timeline is far bigger than the number of years I am on this earth. So, if the next 4 years needs to look different than I hoped, I will not take that out on God. Because He knows better than I do. Instead, I will pray for those who I might consider enemies right now. I will also live in thanksgiving. It is a command far too often in the Bible for me to ignore. I encourage you to not let your heart be troubled. I encourage you to look like Jesus in this time. Remember when Peter cut off the ear of the soldier coming to take Jesus to kill him (some might say "self-defense")---Jesus rebuked Peter and healed the soldier. I don't know what God is up to necessarily, but I trust Him. And I will be faithful to His teachings even now. If suffering is going on in your marriage, this exact message applies to you. Having hope, faith, and love--even now. It's a choice. A hard one. But the right one. Blessings, Belah
Hi there!
I hope things are going well for you. I have an inspirational story to share with you today. It's a story of challenge and ultimately hope and healing. Alexis and Justin (re-definingnormal.com) grew up in homes that had significant abuses, including sexual and drug abuse. By societal expectations, they wouldn't have gotten through that pain. But God intervened. Both went through the foster care system and by God's grace, amazing things have changed for them. AND they're now founders of organizations that help others who have gone through similar challenges. They've written a book about their story and today, we focus on how Justin helped his wife heal from her trauma by his reliance on the Lord. My encouragement is to listen in and be encouraged and inspired to continue your journey. And I think it will encourage you that people like Justin and Alexis are doing amazing things for people---Jesus' hands in the earth. Check out all the links we reference here! Blessings, Belah PS I have some resources for women coming (I know I focused on the men for a while) so I encourage you to get the 6 Tips for Seduction here: delightyourmarriage.com/tips
I'd like to give you a view of communication that isn't repressing feelings but also isn't open with all of them, at least not all at once. And when you are open slowly, you are in a way that encourages the good rather than discouraging everything.
I think in our fast-paced society nowadays, we feel this inappropriate pressure to share all the feelings we have about a topic (sex is a big one!) with our spouse because we need to get that checked off of our mental burden list. Or we need to finally unload or get it off our chest.
So we pile on all these painful complaints, criticisms, and unacknowledged feelings all at once.
And it causes huge divisions between partners and can take years to heal, if at all.
My encouragement in today's podcast is to think of your relationship not as a 30-minute conversation but as a 90-year conversation. There is no need to address everything right now.
There is a need to be respectful, kind, gentle, grateful, and loving in all your communication with your spouse. When that is your "normal," then there is an opportunity to strategically place encouragements towards a general movement in a direction that is important to you.
"But that could take months, even years." Luckily, you have that. And you are strong enough to shift things slowly but surely in the right direction. The shocking thing is if you are disciplined and you are careful, it may take way less time than you think.
One important piece is you can make yourself happy during that time and happier as you wisely encourage and compliment in the direction you desire. (More on that in the podcast).
This is giving the truth in love. We don't need to rhetorically cut each other because we're lazy or we're "good at fighting." We can be gentle, humble, meek, self-disciplined, and patient with the truth--even in response to our partner's accusations.
This way is harder and requires Jesus' strength and character, but it will actually move you farther faster. The other can set you back for years to come and may undermine the very thing you're trying to improve.
I hope you'll listen to this podcast with an ear for what Jesus wants for your marriage and interactions in it.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you haven't yet rated and reviewed the podcast, I'd love to receive a screenshot and give you a $97-value training for men--for free!
Send me a screenshot of your review to belah at delightyourmarriage.com
If you're not sure how to do that and you listen vai iTunes, you can find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
Hi there, This podcast is for men (or the women who want to peer inside of hearts of men) it's all about the specific Stages to Sexual Freedom that a husband can employ to transform his marriage---even if he's the only one doing the work. If you're an action-taker once you know the process you're going to start and fix this once and for all, this is the podcast for you. I believe that those who listen will feel empowered to do what God wants them to do in their marriage to truly transform it. In the second half of the episode I'll be sharing more about the Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy, and love being married again program. We'll even hear from Vikas who went from a sex-starved frustrated marriage with a young child to a place where she often initiates 3+ times per week and she doesn't' even know he did the program. To learn more about the program he went through, go to delightyourmarriage.com/mrsp Blessings, Belah Enrollment is open now but won't be open for long. Find out all the details here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/mrsp
This interview is with a man who had suffered in intimacy in his marriage for 14 years.
She had intense anxiety (I've been there!) and it made intimacy very difficult for both of them. Sex would happen maybe 1x a month, but it was never something they could talk about. And masturbation was something he turned to alleviate the loneliness.
Now they make love 3x per week--and she initiates 90% of the time! That is a manifestation of both of their courage and healing for both of them.
What happened?
Well, it all started with Steve the rooster. This is a good story. So...
Step #1 - Buy a rooster Step #2 - Invite your mom over Step #3 - Just kidding... :P
But, there are fantastic keys in his story and the process they went through to get to the other side. One important note I share at the end:
If you are a husband and you want your marriage transformed like Captain's be sure you...
...don't accidentally undermine your wife's confidence.
That is exactly the topic I'll be speaking to on this weekend's Men's Masterclass.
If you're not already, sign up for LIVE, FREE Men's Masterclass on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!
Looking forward to speaking with you soon!
Love,
Belah
PS Don't forget to sign up for the LIVE, FREE Men's Masterclass, sign up here with me THIS weekend!
Hi there,
Not sure if it was for you... but for me it was a whirlwind of a weekend. I put on a church conference on Saturday (in Spanish--eek!) which was scary, but God came through in an awesome way, which was so cool! Also, on Friday I had the chance to interview 3 different graduates from my Masculinity Reclaimed program. Today's podcast is of Charles.
His story is hard to believe---but one that will surely give you hope. To be transparent, I have 2 ulterior motives for sharing his story: 1- To invite you to my Free & Live Men's Masterclass coming up really soon, sign up here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
My prayer is that men's lives are utterly and forever changed just by attending the Free Men's Masterclass Live. And possibly, deciding after that training to enroll in the Masculinity Reclaimed program, which is what Charles went through.
But my plan on the Free Men's Masterclass is not going to be a "hide-the-ball" presentation, but to genuinely help your marriage turn around!
2- To listen to the man who came into marriage and throughout his marriage with sadly, huge measures of infidelity. And yet, God did an incredible work of grace and healing in their marriage---reflected in their intimacy.
And now, he can scarcely believe what his wife is doing for him in intimacy. (Bucket-list, before-he-dies-type-stuff!)
Wild, right? I think you won't believe it unless you hear it, here. Plus he drops some serious golden nuggets you can apply immediately to your marriage, that you won't want to miss. God is good!
He gives great advice, and if you listen, he'll share some important keys that turned everything around.
Blessings, Belah PS Don't forget to sign up for the training now, so you don't forget! www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining You'll want to put that on your calendar and clear your weekend to make sure you can attend live!
Hi there, If you're going through hard times, this is particularly applicable because we need a lot of love right now. The right kind of compassion and care from our spouse and those around us. The best way to encourage your spouse is to attract them. I find it clear in the Bible that people have to be attracted towards Jesus by us living like him. Jesus did miracles and was compassionate to people before he ever rebuked them.
Jesus dealt with people differently based on where they were spiritually. When someone was demon possessed he healed them and didn't rebuke them for dabbling in whatever caused the possession. However, when the rich young ruler who practiced righteousness--and clearly was at a different place spiritually--came and asked about eternal life, Jesus let him know he needed to give all he had to the poor. Jesus calls us higher, based on where we are right now. And it's unique to each individual. If he spoke to the demon-possessed man like he did the rich young ruler, the demon-possessed man wouldn't have been attracted to him. Instead, he loved that man the way he needed to be loved in that moment. And the man then followed Jesus and became an incredible evangelist of the gospel. My invitation is to attract your spouse not to force or push them the way you think will help them get to Jesus. When Jesus said the golden rule "so whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them." I think he means love them in what they need right now. In who they are. In the way they receive love. It was my birthday and I shared with my closest friends that I wouldn't appreciate gifts, but I would love letters and donations to World Vision. If a friend likes to get gifts on their birthday and decided to give me a gift, I wouldn't feel loved. I would feel like they didn't really care about me. So, I encourage you to love your spouse the way THEY receive love. What do they like? It's different for men and women. I share what specific differences between men and women in particular. Treat your partner the way they want to be loved. Because you would want them to do that for you, right? Love and blessings, Belah PS I'd love to invite you to join me at a Men's Masterclass at October 9 - 11, 2020 www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Hi there!
Hoping your day is going well? There's a lot of difficulty you may be facing right now, and one of the best gifts I can give you is rest. Well, not me but God.
It seems strange to think rest could help you cope with the intense struggle you're dealing with, but you may be quite surprised.
I'd like to share a podcast episode that is dear to my heart and my growth.
Why does rest matter to your life? Well, Jesus by no means hurried through life. He practiced Sabbath. He enjoyed His day to day life. Even children wanted to be around Him.
If we're stressed we don't spend the time to connect with our partner in a meaningful way, in or out of the bedroom. For women, usually stress kills her libido but can increase her need for emotional connection. For men, it often makes them crave the release sex brings but he has low capacity to be present to her emotions.
How can any of us not stress? There are bills to be paid, kids to raise, food to prepare, chores to accomplish every single day.
Rest doesn't fit into our lives.
But I would posit, as followers of Jesus, we can't NOT rest and be aligned with His will. We need rest to ensure we're on track. It's easy to be on the rat race for years and have no perspective to see what does God actually care about in your life.
If you don't have pause to calm your heart and mind, you can't discern what that is. It's not work, it's rest.
I am looking forward to sharing this with you. Good news: when you're rested, your intimacy in all ways increases.
Love and Blessings,
PS I am inviting you to save the date for the free LIVE Men's Training Oct 9 - 11!
You can sign up here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
In this episode, I have a former student who is in his 70s and has been married over 45 years.
Not only has he and his wife used some of these interventions themselves, he is also very well-versed in the research behind it.
He nor I am a doctor and this is not meant to be taken as medical advice, but it is worth asking your doctor about these possible solutions.
He also talks about the important health choices their family has made to keep them healthy sexually and vibrant even in their latter years.
For links to the many resources mentioned, go to the show notes page.
To understand the Framework that I taught he and his wife when they worked with me, go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/framework
I'm excited to bring you an interview with a former student, Ben. His upbringing was tense and he tried to stay away from home. His parents' relationship left a lot to be desired. His wife didn't have a man in the home to understand what marriage could look like. Outwardly their marriage was very successful--but Ben knew that if he wanted his marriage to be passionate hewas going to have to change. Which is what he did when he worked with me in my men's coaching program. He made drastic changes to himself and it impacted his wife's response to him. Both in their 70's is it really possible for them to have passionate intimacy -- physically speaking? As a doctor of orthodontics, he knows the rigor of academic research. He has done quite a lot in this area and not only has implemented medical interventions but also natural lifestyle remedies that help both he and his postmenopausal wife. This is part 1 of our interview where he shares his suggestions for passion even after 45 years of marriage!
With so much going on in the world, I think people are making big changes in their lives.
Given that people are becoming more aware of their own mortality, I think its making them decide to take action.
My encouragement in today's podcast: 256-How to Not Fail at Marriage, comes from a failure at marriage --ehemm --me!
When my first marriage failed I blamed him. When my second marriage was on the rocks, I realized I was the common denominator.
When I transformed myself, I witnessed this man change before my very eyes.
Now, that I work with many men and women from around the world, I wish I understood these truths and the essential Framework a wife and husband needs to not fail at marriage. And in fact thrive.
This episode is for you if your marriage isn't what you think it could be. I'd encourage you, if you know someone in that spot, this may be the perfect opportunity to send them insights that very well may transform their marriage.
None of us know when it's our time and God calls us home.
But right now, God has given us our spouse as the most important human relationship and I hope you honor it as such.
On today's show I cover:
-The 3 things men need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-The 3 things women need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-This Framework is what men and women need to understand to love each other the way the other receives love (hint: it's different for each spouse)
-What I wish I had known about sexual intimacy in my first marriage
-Why we are more respectful to strangers than our own life partner
If you are new to the Delight Your Marriage philosophies, this is a really good introduction. If you've been around for a while "repetition is the mother of learning" so I encourage you to take these insights too!
Find a deeper understanding of the Framework here!
Love & blessings,
Belah
PS - I'd love to invite you to send this to a friend if they're facing marriage challenges right now, this could save their marriage.
Most people don't use that word anymore.
But I think "coveting" is still very relevant to our world today.
And is still an egregious sin we need to take seriously for our benefit and God's Kingdom.
When I look at the Ten Commandments, I used to think they weren't all that related to one another... and they didn't have much to do with marriage or sex.
1- But looking at them again, there's a thread that runs through them very beautifully: contentment with God's will for you.
2- Sex is even directly indicated.
But the one about "do not covet your neighbor's wife," if taken seriously, guards against the "do not commit adultery" commandment.
Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously.
It causes your sex life to dwindle if either partner is doing it.
Though men and women covet differently around sex, if given to that temptation, it has a huge impact on the bedroom.
God cares about our hearts. He cares about how we think and how we judge. And when we covet, we are taking our eyes off of what God wants us to focus on and consuming our attention with things that just don't matter as much and maybe they are even egregious sins.
Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously. Also, I talk about the sins of sex addiction and greed in this episode because I think they're very related as well.
Coveting and adultery are equal sins. But the former leads to the latter.
Adultery is an outward sin while coveting is a sin of the heart and it happens first.
Coveting is where we should be vigilant so the outward sin can't even come close.
When women covet the "neighbor's wife", it's still sin. Maybe we're jealous of another woman's flat stomach or some other standard of beauty we think is better than our own.
It causes us to hide, feel insecure and go away from intimacy with our spouse. Leaving our marriage more exposed to potential destruction. (Also, ladies, I still have to fight against this! That's our fight to win--the fight in our hearts and minds.)
I have actionable recommendations to help you avoid this temptation for your benefit and to serve God and His people better. I hope you'll listen in.
Wishing you a wonderful week!
Love and blessings,
Belah PS
If you want the specific Framework I use when working with my clients to help them love--the way their spouse receives love.
When you discover how your spouse receives love, and fulfill them in that way, they will naturally naturally love you the way YOU receive love (men differently than women)!
So go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework for the free download!
Have you been hurt? Have you been disappointed?
By your spouse. By those you love. By God.
I think the answer has to be yes. Disappointment is part of the human experience.
Jesus was disappointed and hurt by those he loved. But he somehow put his disappointments in a category where it didn't slow down His mission to do God's will.
In this episode, I share how I felt disappointed by my husband and went about things the wrong way.
And I share what I should have done (for your benefit :)
Yes, I'll share how to motivate your spouse to do what you want, but more importantly what to do if they don't. It's a perspective shift that's required if you're going to have a healthy and happy marriage.
But also I share how to have less disappointments and be less hurt by your spouse.
If you've been disappointed by God, I want to speak to that as well.
Especially as this pandemic is taking it's toll on so many in so many different ways, we can easily get disappointed at God. How could he do this? How could He allow this?
How does He not stop this? I want to speak to this.
I aim to comfort you and help you process your disappointments and give you a road map of how to have a much better sense of control when you are seeking to heal things with your spouse.
Love & blessings,
Belah
Hi there,
Hoping you're well? In challenges, my aim is to keep showing up and helping inspire and empower you to have a wonderful marriage and intimacy in it. To that end...
This is Part 2 of my Interview with my husband about his perspectives on fatherhood (and why that makes me so attracted to him!)
Is it his ripped abs and amazing biceps?
Well... let's just say he's got a very healthy "dad bod" going on right now. :)
Truth is, the attraction may have started out physical, but became emotional. Because that emotional attraction is there, it flows back into a physical desire for intimacy.
So, if you're concerned that the "Quarantine 15" (aka weight you put on because of being in the house all the time) has left you less attractive to your spouse, I'd say worry more about your character, which will attract her to you.
To answer the question: what makes me so attracted to this man?
His sincerity. Kindness. Genuine care for me and our family... that makes me want to love him in all the spicy ways possible.
Just by tuning in, I think you can "catch" his heart and emulate it.
Check out the episode: 253-The Sexiest Dad Alive! Interview with My Husband, Part 2
And as an added bonus: it's more efficient than the hours in the gym... it's about what's inside.
Blessings,
Belah
Like the title? LOL. I know, I know... I'm too much.
But it was intriguing right? If not... pretend it was something more mature like: "How to Be the Man Your Wife Is Attracted To, Hint: Fatherhood Matters."
That's what today's podcast is about.
Here's a story that's not in the episode... Last night, our just-turned-7-year-old insisted that we relax on the couch with our wine while he made us dinner.He found a recipe for tacos in his school book and asked daddy to buy the right ingredients, so he could make it! Then when the 5-year-old finished showering, he taught his younger brother how to scoop the salsa, avocados, beans and lettuce into the shells. Between the two of them, about 1/8 of the ingredients landed on the floor...
But golly---we ate dinner and didn't have to make it! You better believe those boys got some serious compliments and encouragement for treating mom and dad to a "feast"! And because of our reaction I'm sure it won't be the last time!
(You should have seen those boys puff out their chests!) Am I bragging? Well, maybe. I think there is purpose to it. I'm hopefully casting a vision of what's possible when you have an amazing marriage.
I never saw or heard of such things. EVER. Growing up. So, maybe this is me sharing a vision of what I wish I had had. Here's what I've learned...
My son treats us that way because he imitates his dad. His dad treats me that way. And (I fail plenty... but..) I sure try to treat my husband that way.
So, today, I invite my husband on to share his insights on fatherhood (and I share why that makes him irresistible to me!)
In the past when he's come on I've received comments like:
"I listened to a three part series about being peaceful and laid back [Episode 214-Transform to Be Easygoing Part 1 of 3]. As I listened to her husband talk I fell to my knees in tears. I have been teaching men for a long time, and have been thirsting for someone to look up to. Yes, it's Jesus. But I heard Jesus's character in these two's hearts. It was beautiful hearing Belah laugh at and affirm him. I loved it when he spoke so highly and with gratitude of her and listened to her sounds in the background. Their interactions and emotion while speaking is novel in a world where we are so used to sarcasm and selfishness and calloused feelings about our kids and loved ones."
First of all, we are honored and humbled and feel unworthy of such praise. But are grateful that God could use our weak words to draw people to Himself.
If you listen closely, curiously, carefully... I think you'll understand why I'm so attracted to this man and do all the "sexy stuff" because of who he IS.
God bless!
Belah
You have an Assignment (1 Cor 7:17). A plan a purpose God laid out for you to do.
A set group of people He wants you to impact.
Jesus didn't assign you to everyone.
He even had limits on himself.
Jesus himself limited his prayers: "I am not praying for the world, but for those whom you have given me" John 17:9
But if we think that we're supposed to be doing everything, we'll miss who He is really assigning us to. Thus, His perfect plan doesn't go forward.
This impacts your sex life, and is impacted by your sex life. Whether you're a woman or a man this has impact.
I think this allows us to all take a breath and say, "Lord help me to know who you have given me.
Help me to be content with who you have given me. Help me to truly serve, love and impact only those you have given me".
And if all of us did that... then the world would look a lot different, I think.
I share how I'm doing that in my life, with my family and in my current launch of the renewed Masculinity Reclaimed program right now.
I share how men I've worked with (who I believe God put in my assignment) have been able to stop "burning with passion" even though they're married and get on with what God wants them doing. Because after my program they are more Christ-centered men.
One--maybe surprising--thing I share in this episode is how I wish my ex-husband took the Masculinity Reclaimed course. It's basically written for a man who thinks like that to help him become a man who thinks like my current husband...a man by his behavior and heart motivates me to want to make love to him. (I'll tell you it works!)
I hope this encourages you to deeply reflect on your Assignment and the role sex plays in it. And I pray that will help direct your steps.
Enrollment for the Masculinity Reclaimed program is open now, but is closing very soon, so I hope you register now. Delightyourmarriage.com/mrsp
Once enrollment closes, it won't be around again this year.
This is probably THE question I hear in one way or another over and over again.
Lights off, sheets up and "vanilla" sex is the refrain that is very frequent.
Why is she like this?
How can this change?
What about specific things she's squeamish about like "intimate photos of us", anal sex, and mirrors?
If you'd like more insight on anal sex: delightyourmarriage.com/sod
All that is covered in our conversation! Especially for men, but helpful for women!
In the Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again!
You'll learn how to strategically transform your marriage so she WANTS to enjoy sex with many new positions, visuals and variety...
...a 92% success rate!
We are launching very soon (and won't be opening up the doors til next year!) so go to delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining to get all the details!
To my beloved listener,
I want to encourage your heart in trying to understand what’s happening and why.
I know you’re doing hard work to figure out what your role is and should be in all of this.
And I commend that so much. <3
Also, as you’re going through so much right now, I hope you rest.
I invite you to practice self-care especially right now.
I hope you’ll read, write by hand, & meditate on Matthew 7:12-24 & Galatians 5:19-24
(Further reading: Further resources: I recommend this interview you listen to and interview with Brene Brown and Ibram X. Kendi and a message from Bishop TD Jakes.)
By Gods grace... We’re going to get through this.
Love,
Belah
PS If you're signed up for the Men's Training: from her "duty" to her desire, delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining it will be released Saturday and the rest next week!
If you're not signed up, be sure to soon (it'll only be available for a limited time!)
Playfulness doesn't seem important now that life is so busy and stressful, but it's actually central to a good marriage and a PASSIONATE marriage.
When you think about what your relationship was at first, it probably was full of laughter.
Right? The value of playfulness-
Laughter makes you smarter Makes you more creative Improves your immune systems
The JOY of the Lord is our strength Rejoice... is a constant refrain in the Bible even in the WORST circumstances, we are invited to rejoice in the Lord.
There is power in joy.
Sex can be awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing just to name a few.
And if there's a playful culture in your marriage, it causes laughter.
If there's not, it causes distance because you both are trying to look better than you feel.
For both parties, they're insecure around sex, so if your marriage is more playful...
You're not trying to be perfect in front of the other. You're not trying to compete with the other.
You're not trying to change the other. You're staying present and looking at the joyful parts of life together.
I think this episode will not only convince you WHY but also HOW to make your marriage, playful, safe and passionate.
Get the Wild Romance At Home video training ($97 value) for FREE by leaving an iTunes Review and sending me a screenshot to belah at delightyourmarriage.com If you need more instruction on how at https://delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
As a husband, maybe you're wondering where the passionate nights went from your first months or years.
Your wife may be wondering where the romantic DAYS went.
But, maybe you're stuck at home and it feels like you're not able to do any kind of romance given the circumstances.
I hear you... I will add that I live in NYC, in a 1 bedroom apartment with two sons (age 5 & 6) during quarantine. Which means we've probably left our physical apartment 5 times in the last 7 weeks...
...and I'm here to tell you, you can DEFINITELY have a Wild Romance even during this season. (You'll understand more on this show).
I want to gift (for FREE) two valuable resources from a $297 course that I have only offered to my current students...
Because it's almost Mother's Day & I think you need to understand the template on How To Be Romantic while at home...
And this will help you forever understand what your wife wants when she says she wants to be "wooed".
There's a catch.
I give you a behind-the-scenes-look at how the business of Delight Your Marriage works. And how the podcast is made and why I think it's God's will for me to rely on people like you.
If you jump through some hoops to post an iTunes Review, you'll get the resource for FREE.
Don't worry, I'll guide you step-by-step on how to "jump through the hoops"--we'll do it together! If you still have questions, I have a specific step-by-step guide, here!
THANK YOU, so much. If you've been a listener for a while, I am SO honored that you would take the time to listen all the way through this episode.
As you know DYM doesn't have ads because I care more about your impact than the revenue that comes in that way. So THIS is how you can make sure the podcast continues.
And if you pray for DYM, please pray that people would listen to this podcast and do the steps so it can grow. The podcast is listened to in 155 countries worldwide and that's because you have spread it--or done what I request in this podcast! So, thank you!
I have included valuable encouragements and insights for you but also an ASK from me.
It means A LOT that you would do this for me and for the spread of this work.
I love you.
Belah
So, what I’ve noticed is that all of us are insecure. For some of us it’s more obvious than others.
It shows up in life, and it shows up in the bedroom.
I want to talk to you about what men are insecure about around intimacy and I want to talk about what women are insecure about around intimacy.
We have the opportunity to help our spouse feel more secure.
But how do we help our spouse when we ourselves are struggling with fear of judgment, rejection and body image (to name a few)?
Well, I think we need to understand where that fear is coming from.
And that’s what we explore together on today’s show.
Do you feel worthy?
Do you treat your spouse like they are worthy?
How can you help your spouse not be so insecure...
-around sex,
-around professional things,
-around the ways that they are in the world?
Hint: it’s different for men and women.
(To understand more about this framework, and get a free PDF download go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework )
So, on today’s show I want to tell you about what I think will be helpful for you to love your spouse in a way that will make them
-take down their guards,
-be less perfect (yep perfection is a mask for insecurity)
-be more vulnerable,
-be more messy & real,
-be more kind & loving,
-be less awkward,
-be more open, and
-be more secure.
And you too.
Addiction runs rampant... for most of us. Myself included.
Especially when we're facing tough things: anxiety, pain, loneliness, vulnerability, identity, significance.
During a stressful time we are trying to avoid the pain...
so we move towards the pleasure of distraction, entertainment, alcohol, gossip, food, video games, cigarettes...
God has specific insight into what to do on a consistent basis to bring us to PEACE.
Specifically, I'm thinking about this scripture...
Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him".
That makes me what to squirm and run away and pretend I didn't read it and that it's not in the Bible.
If I'm really honest my response is
- "but I'm too important to wait" or
- "there's too much to do to wait" or
- "waiting is not going to help anything"
Waiting feels like facing the tiger that's chasing me. The truth is when I wait, when I'm patient, when I am still... I discover over and over again that it's a paper tiger.
Is meditation new age / non-Christian? I talk about that... and how to ensure your meditation is Christian.
I share what I do to be still and be present in intimacy and OUTside the bedroom to impact my pleasure in intimacy.
Also, when "Receiving" in intimacy is too hard, there are other ways that are easier at times and bring us together in beautiful ways.
A few resources I mentioned:
The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer MD, PhD
Deep Work by Cal Newport
International House of Prayer - 24-hr worship streamed online
Live a Life Worthy of Your Calling (the song starts at 1:18:15)
Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex by Belah Rose
--
I'd like to invite you to be on my email list. I send emails a couple times a month and I'd like to offer you some free resources for you...
For wives, you're welcome to get "8 Tips to Stay Present" in the bedroom:
www.delightyourmarriage.com/present
For husbands, you're invited to get the "7 Blocks to Her Libido" which clarifies what may be keeping her from desiring intimacy in your marriage.
www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks
I'm very excited to share this interview with Dr. Kahn a renowned cardiologist (seen on Dr. Phil and The Doctors tv series among other great accolaides). This is my second time having him on the podcast and you're in for a treat!
What you put in your mouth affects your intimacy. (And I mean outside of the bedroom! :)
From libido to sexual response, our diet helps or hurts.
We also talk about COVID health and how the studies are showing there are specific things you can do to help your immune system (and of course be very focused on prevention).
On our last podcast I shared what I'm doing health-wise and how I think those things helped my health when fighting COVID -- some of those things Dr. Kahn encouraged (and some of them he DIScouraged!)
I encourage you to listen in to discover what may be most helpful for your intimate-life and your overall health.
You can find more about Dr. Kahn's work at drjoelkahn.com
Check out some of his books: Vegan Sex, The Plant-Based Solution, and his newest one Lipoprotein(a): The Heart's Quiet Killer
Hi there,
Happy Good Friday. It feels a bit strange going to service online, but the beautiful thing about Jesus is we get to meet Him anywhere because of what He did for us on this day so long ago.
I am curious how you're doing? I've been praying for you and hope you're doing ok.
We haven't chatted for a while because I've been a bit behind. My husband and I got COVID. The real one.
You probably have heard of plenty of really sad stories. I wanted to share ours to hopefully encourage you and add one story to the "FAITH pile" in your heart.
How do we know we got it? Well after a grocery store cashier sneezed on my husband a few days later we got flu-like symptoms and then we both lost our taste and smell!
(JFYI it's SO weird to not be able to taste or smell anything).
For me, I had super mild symptoms (thanking God!) and my husband has fairly mild symptoms though he's yet to be 100%.
When she found out me, my husband or my 2 sons (ages 5 and 6) hadn't crossed the threshold of our cozy NYC apartment in 13 days and we've had a peaceful and contented existence throughout, (by God's grace)... a friend asked "what is your secret weapon?"
Well, that's what I share in our conversation today, so you have it too: "Your COVID Secret Weapon".
I think there are a few things you can focus on amidst the chaos, anxiety and stress that will benefit you, your marriage, your health and ultimately the Kingdom of God.
(At the end of the broadcast I share the specific health things I do that I think helped our situation as well, in case you're interested in hearing my opinions on it -- immune health is a personal passion of mine.)
Spoiler alert: I talk about intimacy being vital during this time.
So I would love to have you listen for encouragement and PRACTICAL insights on how to use this time to HEAL your marriage.
Blessings & love,
Belah
Corona virus, COVID-19, has impacted you.
For so many the fear is tangible.
I know it's impacting your marriage. Sadly the divorce rates in China have skyrocketed as a result of the quarantine.
I don't want that to continue or become worse.
I want to help you. In your marriage, in this time, is it possible to be a soft landing DURING this crisis?
How can you get better? How can you and your spouse grow into the people God wants you to become DURING this crisis.
Many of us have a lot more time on our hands. (If you're in the medical field, please know we're praying for you).
How are we using that time?
I want to invite you to a FREE online workshop: SOFT LANDING Webinar: Be encouraged & be loved by your spouse DURING crisis
On that webinar I'll be launching a brand new group: Delight Groups to help you stay encouraged DURING the crisis.
You don't have to do this alone. If you want to sign up for the THRIVE webinar or learn more about the groups, sign up here.
Fear activates.
Over the Christmas break my son had a very serious health crisis. And we cried out to God. And God moved. My faith was increased and everyone who has heard the story was impacted to trust God more.
Have you ever heard, "There are no atheists in foxholes"? People want hope to grab onto. And when reason fails to give that hope, the power of God can come in to help people experience His love.
This is an opportunity to be an example to all who you know.
Don't be the victim who numbs your fear, but the leader who stands in faith.
Believe me I've been the former, but I am want us to stand up and encourage and pray and love those who are in fear right now.
As Jesus-followers, we are lucky to know that this earth is not the end. But how do we encourage and pray for our neighbors? How can you start now? You may have a lot more time on your hands. How can you start to encourage and help others even RIGHT NOW?
Encourage your spouse. Love them generously so they can do their best in the world right now. Prioritize peace in your home so the storm isn't ALSO raging in your home.
Sign up to my newsletter for more encouragement during this time: www.delightyourmarriage.com/present
And you'll also get my 8 Tips to Stay Present in Intimacy
Love you and I'm praying for you,
Belah
In the midst of the storm that you both would be bound together. That any worry or fear would be replaced with faith, hope and love.
So, I messed up. I'm throwing myself under the bus here. I'm having trouble having grace with myself. I share what happened here. Maybe you can totally relate to my situation, or maybe you can't. Hopefully you'll at least be amused by my humbling...
We all have thorns in our flesh to keep us humble so hopefully this will be encouraging to you... to see me hum-iliated :)
Also...
I want to help you be motivated toward intimacy. Whether you're a wife who needs motivation to love your spouse with sexual intimacy or you're a husband who needs motivation to care about your wife's emotional desires... or anywhere in between. This is how to be motivated to intimacy: emotional, physical and spiritual in your marriage!
Enjoy!
A couple of FREE resources I mentioned (after you're motivated of course) is learn to seduce!
The 5 Amazing Seduction Tips delightyourmarriage.com/tips
Also, for men to understand their wife and how to remove the blocks that are keeping her from intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks The 7 Blocks to Her Libido
Thanks so much for listening--looking forward to speaking again next week!
So, I hear you.
And I validate your desire.
I wish wives would understand the importance and privilege she has to love him the WAY HE RECEIVES love.
With that in mind, I want to encourage you, dear husband.
Jesus KNOWS about your high sex drive. In fact, God is responsible for it. It's very clear in the Bible that He knows and designed you with it.
So, when I am encouraging you in how to view your wife, it's actually the most PRODUCTIVE thing you can do to bring you both at a better place in intimacy.
It's not the last step, but it's the FIRST and has be there BEFORE anything else.
If you want to understand the next 12 steps (literally), you can sign up for a FREE Clarity Call (worth $500!) where you and I will talk about what your SPECIFIC situation is.
You'll get clarity and great value and as I'm listening and discerning whether or not you'd be the right fit for me to expect amazing transformation in your marriage:
-like a husband who was celibate for several years because his wife shut him out now they're making generous and enthusiastic love several times every week!
-like a husband who walked on eggshells hoping his wife wouldn't reject him at night and she hadn't initiated in 20 years - now she's the ONLY one initiating and they're making passionate on a consistent basis!
If that's what you'd like to see in your marriage, I'd love to consider your story on a Clarity Call and IF I think you're the right fit I may invite you to work with me. Go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/call
(Due to capacity, I am only offering this call for husbands at this time though I have some options that may include them if I feel it's the right fit.)
You may have an inkling, but I bet you'll be surprised by my guest Sharon Jaynes (sharonjaynes.com) and the interesting topics we dig into to help others understand in what ways the Song of Solomon was speaking about intimacy between husband and wife.
(Hint hint, they're not talking about the farmer's market). :)
Sharon Jaynes has authored over 20 books and is passionate about women walking confidently and freely in their God-given calling. She loves marriages and seeks for women to be free in intimacy as well as love their husband through prayer. Sharon and I had a lot of fun talking about how the Bible specifically gives us the green-light to do far more in sex than most Christians realize. Listen in!
Be sure to get Sharon's new book: Lovestruck: Discovering God's Design for Romance, Marriage,and Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon to find out even more!
--
A couple of free resources I mentioned on the podcast that I'd love to offer you:
- delightyourmarriage.com/present - for wives the 8 secrets to stay present in intimacy
- delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks - for husbands to understand the 7 reasons she is blocked from having a higher drive
Why did she heal?
What motivated a woman who was a size 0, undernourished, had been abused horribly to decide it was worth the challenge to heal?
How did she heal and now have a thriving intimate life with her husband?
Catherine gives us insight, hope and practical tools for you. You too can be healed, by God's grace.
Whether you were abused or your spouse, this will be helpful to understand the process and know that complete healing and restoration is possible for you!
Catherine is incredibly inspiring and has used her story to bring light and safety to so many through her organization Stop Trafficking Us (stoptraffickingus.org) which helps people out of being trafficked.
If this resonates with you and you'd like some additional tips on how to stay present during intimacy, I'd love to also give you a free resource: "8 Secrets to Stay Present during Intimacy".
You can get it here: delightyourmarriage.com/present
Today's interview is a story of resilience and hope.
Catherine goes into her story lightly because her full story is extremely difficult to take in.
HOWEVER, there is hope. Catherine is a living example that God can heal you.
1 in 4 women AND 1 in 6 men have suffered some form of sexual trauma. So, the healing needs to happen for SO many of us.
What can you do as a wife or husband to heal?
What can you do to help your spouse heal?
What are the underlying causes for pain for the person who is trying to help their spouse heal?
There's a lot of great insights even for practical and fun ways to heal... yeah it doesn't have to be another exercise in pain to heal.
God can help even when the mood is light!
To find out more about Catherine Wilson's work, visit: https://www.stoptraffickingus.org/
If thoughts are inhibiting you in the bedroom and you're a wife, I'd like to get my 8 Secrets to Staying Present in Intimacy for FREE, you can go to this link!
Part 2 is coming out next week, I hope you'll come back for that on Thursday!
So this is one of those topics that even when we're talking about intimacy we don't talk about.
But because I have the honor of speaking to women and men about some of the stuff they have never told ANYBODY, this comes up.
I want to share this episode because I want to help you. I don't want you to feel alone and icky and like you're sinning. Maybe you're not OR what are the specific Biblical boundaries?
Maybe there are small tweaks you can make to your thought-life that will align them with God's will. Maybe there are wees growing in the garden of your mind and they need to be pulled up and we'll talk about that.
But you may be surprised by some of my thoughts even around homosexuality. It starts in the mind and what we focus on grows. Just because someone has same-sex attraction doesn't make them gay. I want to clear about that because that's an insecurity a lot of people have.
I believe we all have proclivities, it's what we do with those proclivities that matter. Some of us are more violent, some of us easily lie and some of us have other proclivities we need to keep in check. What you focus on grows. So if you're focusing on the ways God wants you to be attracted and turned on by your spouse, I think you might be quite surprised by the way God will redirect your thoughts, feelings and even stimulation just by directing your fantasy-life.
--
I am SO excited to invite you to my 3-part FREE Online Seminar, people had amazing things to say about it!
www.delightyourmarriage.com/renew
There's only a couple of days left to go and get the replay!
"Belah, your webinar was absolutely amazing, we both enjoyed it and can't wait for the other 2! You have such an incredible insight on the male - female relationship that we haven't seen from any other relationship expert!
Your content was spot on and was such an awesome introduction. Where were you 25 years ago!!!!!!!" - Husband
"Thank you so much, Belah, for the distilling a lifetime of wisdom and teaching about God's plan for marital happiness, family harmony and personal fulfillment into one webinar!!!" -Wife of 32 years
"Belah , your webinar was absolutely amazing , we both enjoyed it and cant wait for the other 2!
You have such an incredible insight on the male -female relationship that we haven't seen from any other relationship expert !
Your content was spot on and was such an awesome introduction . Where were you 25 years ago !!!!!!! Lol"
-Husband
I was very grateful to receive this review!
Hope you can make it to TOMORROW's PART 2 and bring your spouse! www.delightyourmarriage.com/renew
You can see Part 1 for a LIMITED TIME here!:
www.delightyourmarriage.com/renew_replay
Wives:
As a wife who was bewildered by his desire and feeling grossed out by it, I get it!
But more than that... my hangups included, it's dirty, wrong, sinful, perverted, from the pornos, etc etc etc.
But he kept caring about this. And he wasn't the only one.
And now I hear from husbands all the time about how important this is to them.
And these guys aren't jerks, pigs, or abusers.
They're God-honoring gentlemen, who love their wives, they're good fathers and they want to enjoy their lives and their marriage and LOVE HER THE WAY SHE FEELS LOVED TOO!
--
Husbands:
On this episode I have some practical (VERY ehemmm practical) tips for you. This can be something for you guys in your marriage even if you've been married many years!
If you're tempted to ask your wife to listen to this... consider for a bit. Will it make her feel forced?
Instead, I want to invite you to my live, free webinar series coming up!
This is an awesome opportunity to get your wife introduced to my work.
It'll have intimacy sprinkled in but it won't be as focused (and possibly alarming to someone not really on board with my concepts).
But you'll want to attend the webinar too because it'll have golden nuggets for you two! What can YOU do to encourage your wife in this?
ReNewed Connection: Deeper, Loving Relationship & TRUE Intimacy!
--
The other free resource I mentioned is The 7 Blocks to Her Libido resource!
Looking forward to having you at the Webinar Series. (Also, if you are seeing this in the future, you can go to the same link and gain some kind of helpful material!)
ReNewed Connection: Deeper, Loving Relationship & TRUE Intimacy!
Oh man! You're going to get a lot out of this one. Larry Shushansky (from https://www.independentenough.com/) has 40 years of experience as a psychotherapist. We dig into what conflict is, why it happens and how to deal with it. But also that it is GOOD for your marriage.
However, MOST couples do conflict WRONG---thus it's BAD for theirs. Don't let yours be in this category!
He has been featured on: Psychology Today, Fast Company, Chicago Tribune, The Huffington Post to name a few... and it shows!
Some things may SURPRISE you.
- How could conflict be good?
- How do you MAKE conflict good?
- What does it mean to be independent but also dependent in your marriage?
- Aren't you supposed to be vulnerable with your spouse? So, why would you also be independent? Is there some kind of manipulation here?
- My hope is it will challenge you to think way differently about conflict and your connectedness with your spouse.
Oh, and Larry and I have a conflict about something. I think you'll be really interested to hear! Neither of us backed down and he says we did it right.
--
Also, I mentioned that I'd like to invite you and your spouse to attend my Live and Free webinar series:
New Year, ReNewed Connection: Deeper, Loving Relationship & TRUE Intimacy! Sign up here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/renew2020
This is for couples (or people to watch on their own) and a ending segment JUST for wives. If you're looking for an easy segue-way to invite your wife to be interested in my work THIS IS IT.
Or if you have friends that need this work but you don't know how to talk to them about DYM because you know... sex. I get it!
This is a easy to digest and hints of truths about intimacy but nothing as strong and explicit as I have on my podcast or other material. Its a super easy intro as well as extremely helpful relationship tools.
Looking forward to having you!
Love,
Belah
If you’ve listened for a while you may be at a spot where you’re really hoping your spouse would tune into the content.
Especially if you’re a husband there is a way that may be really effective around the holiday.
“Honey, for my Christmas present would you [read this book, watch this video training with me...]?”
I have seen this be an effective way to encourage your spouse towards listening and recievubg some of this content that isn’t always the easiest to invite her to listen to or read.
If you’d like to sign up for the free, limited offered 3-part video series go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/video
If you’d like to read my book Delight Your Husband: The Christian Wife’s manual to confidence, passion and oral sex, you can find it onAmazon in ebook or paper book. I’m working on the audiobook so that’ll be available soon!
God bless you this Christmas season!
Belah
The new year is just about upon us! But how are you prepping for it? How are you making sure you're growing in the ways God wants you to?
In this podcast, I invite you to think about the ways God may be asking you to reflect on the year you've had. I encourage you to have a pen and paper handy so you can jot down what comes up for you.
Why is this a difficult task? I discuss the 3 reasons people don't reflect, but then the way it's vitally important if we're going to be the people God wants us to become.
Don't go through a difficult season and NOT learn the lessons He wants you to. You'll just be doomed to repeat that same sad, painful situation.
But when you reflect effectively, it gives you hope, peace and faith that God is going to guide you in the next season as well.
When you go through this exercise you'll be able to know how you should focus for the new year. I encourage you to spend the time before the new year focusing on what He wants you to.
With that in mind, I'll be taking 3 weeks off from the podcast so I can focus and listen and plan for 2020. During this time I hope you'll prep yourself for the new year (feel free to relisten to podcasts you may have missed or wanted to listen to again!).
I'll speak with you in the New Year! Merry Christmas and God bless!
It's that time of year. Happiness and fun and joy is expected.
Is it reality for you?
Do you have joy in your heart?
CAN you have it?
I want to talk about this because the holidays can be extremely difficult. And I want to invite you to think about the things you can do even today that will change your perspectives.
How do you make your life aligned with your deepest values and highest vision? I speak specifically about tools that will help you get there.
If you'd like the Prioritize Your Life chart I talk about you can email me at belah at delightyourmarriage.com
If you'd like to listen to an extremely inspiring story of marriage and love, check out this podcast with Joni Eareckson Tada - When Disability Challenges Your Marriage
I'd love to have you on my 3-part Video Training that will be up for a limited time: The 3 Keys To Seductive Confidence
Happy Thanksgiving!
PS Don't forget to sign up for the video training! The 3 Keys To Seductive Confidence
I’ve been asking women about hope they feel about seduction because 1-that’s what I hear so often from the husbands I coach. They crave to be seduced by their wives. 2-that’s what I hear so often from wives...
I’m not comfortable.
I don’t know what to do.
Is God even OK with it?
We have been married for so many years, how do I start?
How do I get over feeling silly?
I want to encourage you. Because the third reason I wanted to record this is because this is how I have felt MANY times over.
It’s only since I’ve understood where my husband is coming from that I began to prioritize this. And when I started to see the holiness and God’s approval of more fierce intimacy did I seek to walk in this with confidence. I want to give you encouragement in this podcast. And I want to give you practical tools.
You can get that from my favorite 5 tips: www.delightyourmarriage.com/5tips then when the email gets to you, respond to me with “I want in” and you’ll get on the list to receive my 3-part video training on seduction.
We argued yesterday. Knives were involved. Well truthfully, it was a disagreement at a restaurant. But the actual emotions happened way before the restaurant. My husband is on the show again (back by popular demand!) to tell how he was feeling and what he did and why.
Why is this important for your intimacy? A wife wants to make love to a man she feels safe with. If you're arguing in a way that makes her feel unsafe, then you're repelling her from the very thing you crave.
I want to share this podcast because I think we have HORRIBLE examples of marital conflict. We take our cues from movies, dramas, chick flicks and sitcoms. All of which have very unhealthy and hurtful aspects.
I want to give you a vision of a REALLY GOOD conflict. One where each of us weren't "perfect". But each of us allowed our value of intimacy, connection and love to be higher than our emotions and impulses.
I hope this gives you encouragement and inspiration in your next emotional challenge between the two of you. There's another way and there are specific tools you can use to NOT leave you or your spouse bloody and bruised rhetorically.
If you're a wife and interested in the 5 Tips To Amazing Seduction go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/5tips
If you're a husband and interested in transforming your marriage to one of friendship and PASSION, go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/call and sign up for a FREE 40 min call ($500 value) and we will dive deep into what is blocking your intimacy and what are next steps for you!
Your first time having sex, was it just like my experience? A bit awkward, NOT like how the movies portrayed it, and maybe even a BIT uncomfortable?
So now that you've done it a lot more, I bet what was uncomfortable in the beginning has started to feel a lot more comfortable, right? So, would you like to ENJOY it more?
Have you ever asked yourself these questions:
- Should I initiate?
- Should I just go for it and stretch myself and seduce him?
- Is it okay for me to suddenly change and just go ahead and seduce him and be sexy?
Here's what I talk about in this podcast episode:
- How to enjoy the process of seduction and lovemaking more
- Why it's okay to be silly before being sexy
- What EXACTLY you need to do (practical tips and more!)
A lot of people say that DATING SEX is BETTER than MARRIAGE SEX. Well, that is what Delight Your Marriage wants to change. It is our mission and we want to change it so that marriage sex is hotter, more enjoyable, and the best sex that anyone will ever have!
Absolutely NOTHING in this life stays the same. If you choose to change and stretch yourself to become more seductive, then it's definitely okay! And you will actually ENJOY sex more.
If that's not where you are in your marriage right now, it's okay to be gentle with yourself. God is a God of new beginnings. We can always start over and change and grow your marriage into something you enjoy and look forward to!
Resources:
I’d love to receive your answers to this VERY QUICK survey which will help me give you the kind of content you want to hear! Go to: www.delightyourmarriage.com/seductionquestions
Also! Get 5 fantastic and practical tips to amazing seduction here!:
www.delightyourmarriage.com/5tips
I used to think "if I just got thin enough then I'd be confident." But, then I did. And I didn't.
Our society tricks us into thinking beauty is only a certain thing. But God made us beautiful. And when you don't love your body your chances of loving sex is far lower.
On this episode I want to help you see more clearly and not have the inappropriate expectations of yourself that is inhibiting your joy and passion in sex.
I also have some help for husbands on how to help their wives in this area.
I used to be bulimic when I met my husband. He has loved me through lots of different shapes of my body and I gotta tell you, that kind of love encourages a wife to be sexually free and pleasured.
I answer:
- How can you feel more confident in your body
- Why the negativity is stealing your sex drive
- How you can conquer the inner critic
- The balance between loving your body and being healthy
- What the FIRST step is to getting there
If you'd like more specific tips on how to seduce, here's a FREE resource for you: The 5 Tips On Amazing Seduction PDF
Love,
Belah
Also, if you are looking to get clear on what's really blocking you from having incredible intimacy, I'd like to invite you to a FREE 40-minute Clarity Call ($500 value) with me to help you uncover what is really going on. If I think you'd be a good fit for one of my programs then we can talk about that. But you'll get fantastic value either way! Schedule here!
For the free resources The 9 Lies Undermining Your Sex Drive audio & pdf go to: www.delightyourmarriage.com/desire
Do you have low drive? Discover the blocks that may be holding you back from a stronger desire for your husband!
When she found out he went to jail because he almost killed his father and was a diagnosed sociopath... a thought struck her: “I will trust him with the lives of my future children”.
There are so many amazing topics for this week's podcast, I'm not sure which ones should I write here! Marie and I talk more in depth about her relationship with God and her relationship with her husband.
These are just some of the things we talk about:
- what life with a husband who is a sociopath looks like -- and no, it's not what you may think!
- the defining features of a sociopath and how they got a "psychological miracle"
- how her husband tried to kill his father and landed in jail
- her husband was a devout atheist until he started reading the Bible and now millions watch his Apologetics debates defending Cheistianity
- Marie was back to being a Christian after reading an Apologetics book
- how their complete honesty helped solidify their relationship
- how reading the Bible helps David in his daily life
Other topics that we talk about
- how sex should be treated as a spiritual bond and not just as a physical bonding between married couples
- how there's no aspect of YOUR story cannot be touched by God's grace
- how deeply and truly God's love can transform and change our perspective about ourselves and our marriages
Marie serves as vice president for a non-profit organization to connect people affected by myotubular myopathy. You can find out more about the non-profit that connects families here at: www.mtm-cnm.org
You can watch David Wood’s videos here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy5H0uunC2qMk0iOF4SHKUw
Also, if you’d like a free 1:1 Clarity Call with Belah u-- a $500 value! She is offering that free to her audience--men or women. Here you will get insights into what’s blocking you from incredible intimacy in your marriage. Sign up for a time to speak to Belah at www.delightyourmarriage.com/call
I had a wonderful and extremely inspiring chat with Marie Wood, who is raising 5 children (a basketball team, according to her!) with her husband, David Wood--the very famous Apologist. Two of their sons, Reid and Paley, both have a rare, life-threatening condition called myotubular myopathy. It’s so rare that it only affects 1 in 50,000 male live births. It causes problems with muscle tone and dangerously affects muscles that control necessary functions like breathing and swallowing.
In this interview, I was moved to tears more than once because of the story of Marie and her children. She is an incredible woman who clearly loves the Lord and is such a force for good even in the face of suffering.
I know if you listen to this conversation you’ll come away in awe that our God can even raise the dead in this day and age! I’m amazed and I pray this will be an empowering and affirming message for you as well.
Marie serves as vice president for a non-profit organization to connect people affected by myotubular myopathy. You can find out more about the non-profit that connects families here at: www.mtm-cnm.org
Also, if you’d like a free 1:1 Clarity Call with Belah -- a $500 value! She is offering that free to her audience--men or women. Here you will get insights into what’s blocking you from incredible intimacy in your marriage. Sign up for a time to speak to Belah at www.delightyourmarriage.com/call
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Hi there! This is part 2 of my chat with Ruth Buezis, author of Awaken Love. You can listen to part 1 here. If you loved listening to part 1, part 2 delves deeper into the specifics of lovemaking and Ruth and I's thoughts about the different types of orgasm that women would love to experience.
Other things we talk about:
- Just having sex vs. getting to know each other through sex
- The dynamics of who leads during intercourse
- The in and out movement for a man, it's good for him. But how about the woman?
- The three ways women can have orgasms
- What does the Bible say about sex
- Is the intercourse you're having with your spouse the kind of intercourse that leads to orgasm?
- The clitoral alignment technique: what is it exactly?
Some helpful things for the wives:
- What you can do to allow you to discover new and interesting feelings during intercourse
- The journey you can take to learn more about the orgasms you can experience
- Understanding new concepts and ideas that are related to orgasms
- G-spot vs clitoral orgasm
- The common anxiety wives experience before intercourse
Also, if you’d like a free 1:1 Clarity Call with Belah -- a $500 value -- she is offering that free to her audience. If you’re a man or a woman and are seeking for things to be transformed in your marriage and intimacy--this is for you! Here you will get insights into what’s blocking you from incredible intimacy in your marriage. Sign up for a time to speak to Belah at www.delightyourmarriage.com/call
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
I'm so excited to chat with Ruth Buezis (author of Awaken Love) about how to transform your sex life into something much deeper.
Ruth started out her journey by talking about sex to 8 of her closest friends! Word spread and she's now sharing her journey to hundreds of women who used to be in the same boat as she was.
We talk about Christian couples and the usual questions we get from them:
-How do I help my wife orgasm?
-How do I orgasm during intercourse (from wives)?
-How long should I last (from husbands)?
-What EXACTLY should I do (from both!)?
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
And as Ruth says, men can get so caught up in the mechanics -- but there is so much more to sex than just mechanics!
What are the things that husbands and wives can do DURING and AFTER intercourse instead of feeling pressured and worried?
There are actually SO MANY things couples can do to help remove the pressure!
Whether or not there's orgasm during intercourse, there are lots of things that CAN be done so it's always mutually enjoyable during intercourse.
Other things we talk about:
-
What if a husband finishes earlier?
-
What about gentlemen who last way longer than the women?
-
What makes sex better for HER?
-
How God wants us to be excited about sex with our spouses
Also, if you’d like a free 1:1 Clarity Call with Belah -- a $500 value -- she is offering that free to her audience. Here you will get insights into what’s blocking you from incredible intimacy in your marriage. Sign up for a time to speak to Belah at www.delightyourmarriage.com/call
How do you become MORE attractive to your wife?
What exactly do I mean when I say "attraction"?
Well, it's kind of like having a pull towards yourself. Whatever it is that you're doing, it's going to pull her and cause her to desire you. When you're attractive to her, she'll also have a physical desire towards you.
What can you do as a spouse to cause her to be interested again? To be FULLY in the marriage again?
My theory? Attraction works outside of marriage like this:
You are a whole human being with your own passions and desires and she starts being drawn to your power and confidence. Slowly, through time, you BOTH start to fall in love.
It's simple:
Chemistry (natural attraction) + spending time with each other = being attracted to someone
We'll be attracted to different types of people our whole lives. It's up to us as married people to not spend time with others.
So how do you become the whole man that you want to be?
- By desperately seeking her love?
- By wishing to spend more time with her?
This is the kind of work that I do with the men that I work with in The Masculinity Reclaimed program. If you want to get tailored advice and deep insight into your own marriage, you can do so by scheduling a call at www.dym.as.me.
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Over the years listeners have asked for my book Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife’s manual to passion, confidence, and oral sex, to be available on paperback. It is now available!
And if you get the book, read, and review on Amazon, you can have access to a $97 Masterclass for free!
The Masterclass will be September 15, 2019! When you do those three things go ahead and email faith@delightyourmarriage.com And you’ll be on the list! Thank you so so much!
Does sex feel like a duty?
- When he asks to make love, I believe that he's actually doing a really brave thing. He could be afraid of rejection and is actually insecure about it.
- What if you have the opportunity to bring out your husband's generosity by being compassionate about his sexuality?
As a side: Dear husbands, If you want your wife to work with me, I encourage you to take the first step in transforming your marriage. By doing this, she'll be receptive to transforming herself as well.
Wives, I want you to know that if your opinion of sex is that it's a chore or a duty, it’s probably hurting your spouse's feelings. AND sex has to start with having an open heart and a good perspective. Otherwise it doesn’t feel like making love, it feels like you value it as much as washing the dishes.
What if you can go to a place of:
- Joy, fun and excitement
- To the point that you physically crave sex
I want you to get there. Listen in for encouragement and new perspectives and tools to make love rather than do your duty.
If you want to work with me to have the heart and a body (!) that craves sex, go to www.dym.as.me . You'll have 40 minutes of my undivided attention for FREE (a $500 value) so we can talk about your marriage.
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
First and foremost, I'm so glad you're planning for sex. Many people let this HIGH priority slip away from their marriage. And they wonder why their marriage turns into a disaster. I am GRATEFUL if you are one who puts it on your calendar--it means you DO prioritize it! So, I'm now encouraging you to go the next step and make it sexy. So often I hear from husbands that they make love the exact same way every single time they make love. And "it's even on the calendar!" Well, 1st- the good news is you're making love (!!) and 2nd- ladies, we can plan sex (just not let him in on it!) ;) Listen in for inspiring ideas on how and why to spice things up and how you can plan sex without making him feel like a To Do List item! Aka...plan it sexily! How EXACTLY do other people even plan for sex? Planning for sex can look different for many people:
- You can plan for sex in other physical aspects
(If you're too full from dinner, you might be too sleepy for sex!)
- You can plan for sex emotionally
(are you emotionally prepared to plan sex?)
But planning for sex with a "grin and bear it" mindset isn't good. It would be awesome if you planned sex with a heart filled with joy and excitement. So how do you plan sex with THAT kind of mindset?
Well, here's a story.
My husband surprised me with something special on our anniversary: a sunset cruise.
He made sure that the house was clean, the kids had a babysitter, he had flowers everywhere. Well he got the idea from SOMEONE ELSE. Was I mad that he got the idea from someone else? Of course not.
That's the same with you planning sex. Don't feel like you're not being truthful or being a phony when you plan sex. The important thing is the experience you'll both be having, not HOW you got there.
How open should you be to your husband when it comes to planning sex? It depends on where you are in your marriage, emotionally speaking.
He craves you more when you feel good about having sex. But making love is also about you; your own joy and fulfillment.
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
- What does it mean and WHY would you actually do it?
- What if it’s COMPLETELY outside of your personality?
- What to actually do? (Steamy examples!)
Before we dive in…
I run a men's course called Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again.
It's a program which helps you understand how to be an amazing husband so your wife wants to do this kind of stuff. It dramatically transforms marriages.
I work with men in this program and interview their wives who started out rating their intimacy as a 3 out of 10 and then they move to a 7 out of 10 or from a 5 out of 10 to a 9 out of 10!
ALL-DAY seduction is:
- not normal for me
- I don't wake up thinking I want to be someone who likes playful touching throughout the day
I thought it was sinful. “Why think about sex the whole day???” was my question.
Well, now I’ve changed my tune. Here’s why…
The reason I do this work:
- I love families
- I love what children have when it's a safe, loving family
- The desire for intercourse isn't the motivation. It's the answer to "how do we make the world safer"?
- We make better children who have parents who love each other so well that they're able to live a trauma-free life
God wants children to be raised up in the right, safe, kind environment. And sex is vital to that because that's how your husband receives love.
Why do great men of God fall to sexual sin? The sexual sin is great...
- 35% of internet downloads is pornography
- “Sex” is the #1 search term
- Pornography increases marital infidelity rate by more than 300%
- Adultery destroys your soul
- God made him with a strong desire
- And God gave him that desire; the average man has about 11 erections a day!
So where do we go from here? I’m not saying you’re responsible for his fidelity. But I think you have an opportunity to support him in this really sinful world.
Have a system of seduction throughout the day:
- Bring up intimacy throughout the day!
- Touch him!
- Give him a kiss through his clothes --- do it any time of the day!
- Always change in front of him
- Tell him "I can't wait to do more"
Resources:
-
Late September, I have a women's course called The Delighted Wife: Reclaim Your Sexuality Live In Your Womanly Wisdom And Witness Him Cherish You
-
If you want to find out if this is the right step for you, go to www.dym.as.me so we can speak 1:1 to discuss your situation. No matter what it’s a $500 value but free to podcast listeners and you’ll get amazing free value and clarity so sign up as soon as you can!
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Good Morning--- I wanted to say a prayer for you. And let you know that whatever situation you're facing He is with you. He is right there beside you. He says:
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30 (NIV)
God is with you in this situation. Jesus loves you and wants to take your burdens. Love you and praying for you.
Love,
Belah
Do you wish YOU were into sex more?
A lot of things are not mentioned in the Bible:
- Electricity
- Vehicles
- Importance of exercise
- Internet
So much of our daily life is not spoken about in the Bible! And yet we have no problem doing it, every day. In fact, we’d say it was good, though not mentioned in the Bible.
So, why don’t we have the same view of sex?
Art isn’t mentioned in the Bible but some like painting, some like sculpture, others like charcoal. As with art, if your spouse would like more variety, that's okay! If your spouse would like more frequent intimacy, that’s okay!
God can help you with all of this. He can help you physically crave sex. He can help you want to meet your husband’s particular desire for that particular style of “art”. God cares about being a part of your life --- and your sex life! In a marriage, a man and a woman are free to want to make love with one another.
Resources:
If you're interested about the women's program to be truly free in the areas of VARIETY, CRAVING SEX and grow in your knowledge of all the HOW-TO’s this coming September, you can go to www.dym.as.me to schedule a call to see if it's a good fit for you!
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
This is our (my husband and I) final conversation about being easygoing, playful and fun together.
It's a bit of insight into our relationship and we believe it'll give you some inspiration into where your marriage can go.
I go through the final keys to making your marriage peaceful and walking through life in a state of calm, rather than rushing in a state of stress.
A couple of things you'd be interested to hear...
- how (and why) my husband responds when he's watching a game (live) and he sees I'm upset. From him.
- why receiving an apology graciously is just as important as making one.
- when you're more vulnerable, the spouse will be too!
- someone called me the "calmest person I've ever met". I was grateful (and shocked), but this conversation may give a bit of insight into why.
If you'd like to get my newly released on paperback Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex, go here!
If you purchase and then review on Amazon before Sept 1, 2019, you'll receive free access to a $97 Masterclass!
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
My darling husband and I continue our chat about becoming easygoing and why it's important to develop this skill. And how it can impact even their relationship with Jesus. We have some playful convo but also some serious and important things to say. My husband" derails" my 15-point plan ;) with a very insightful and emotional commentary that you won't want to miss!
This is Part 2 of 3.
If you'd like to revolutionize your marriage and your intimacy I want to invite you onto a Clarity Call. This is an opportunity for you to speak directly with me Belah Rose and uncover what is blocking you from the playful, peaceful and purposeful marriage you crave. Sign up now as I have limited availability: www.dym.as.me
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
I think this has been something I've wondered and I know the wives I've worked with have thought their husbands were.
Maybe you're a husband and you're concerned that you might be too? Maybe you're a wife and think your husband is.
I mean there's a lot less scriptures about sex in the bible than there are about other things right?
Well...Have you heard all the scriptures about golf? And yet, people spend a lot of time golfing. Or playing football. Or doing make up or hair or clothes. Or horsebackriding... And yet, we spend a lot of time and energy on our specific hobbies.
Yet the Bible does have A LOT to say about sex. The wrong type of sex and how to fill that desire. I want to walk you through scriptures and my own insights over the years, that I hope you God would give you a lot of freedom through this podcast and you wouldn't feel the concern but you would align your heart with the way God views and wants you to view sex with your spouse.
I'd LOVE to have you on my LIVE webinar this coming Sunday evening, June 2, 2019. Sign up here! http://delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
"I can't go on like this"
"I don't think we can make this work"
"I'm at the end of my rope" (what I hear the MOST)
I hate these phrases. They're not literal, and they mean this person is in severe pain. I am sad about that. I am sad that you're in such heartache. I'm sorry that you feel so alone, frustrated, discouraged and desperate.
But I want you to have hope. I want you to have FAITH for your marriage.
Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
If you've been fighting with your spouse... there's stuff you can do. God hates divorce not because He's waiting for you to mess up and wants you to be miserable and live in suffering... but because divorce shreds hearts--what God has joined together--that which has become ONE FLESH. What that disconnects it truly shreds humans, families, children.
I love working with people who are on the brink of divorce. Its honestly my favorite--because I get to see God get the most glory from it!
From people who are in agony and fear of the future, to people who are living the abundant life and loving God and people to a greater degree than they ever have (and having fun, playful, passionate intimacy on all levels!)
If you're where I was before my divorce of my first marriage--I understand you. Now I know that it doesn't have to end that way. It really doesn't. Listen in for more.
I'd love to get on a free Clarity Call to hear your story. I'd love to see if I can discern if God would want me to help you. And if it feels like that's the case, I may invite you to work with me. Otherwise, I'd be happy to give you this $500 value session for free anyway. Sign up: www.dym.as.me
Love,
Belah
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Is easygoing a personality trait or a skill? I am definitely NOT a natural "easy-goer". Most of my life, I have generally had an opinion and if asked I could find one pretty quickly. I generally have had a schedule and way in which I'd like things done. And I'm extremely goal-oriented and don't have a lot of patience for those who aren't.
Well, those can be super qualities for productivity and work, they're not necessarily the best for marriage. We've gone through a path. I've learned a lot.
And here he and I chat about my journey into the skill of "easygoing" and my conviction that if we want the peace God wants us to walk in, we have to seek to develop this skill as well.
--
If you're craving intimacy in your marriage--if you're a man or a woman--I want to help you! God has designed marriage and I believe SEX SHOULD BE BETTER IN MARRIAGE. The foundation of our marriage is God, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Each are vital for you to do God's work fueled out of the love cultivated in your marriage.
I'd like to invite you onto a FREE Clarity Call with me where we explore the hard things that you're going through and get a roadmap together of your next steps--if I feel you're the right fit for working with me I may invite you into one of my programs. But otherwise it's a $500 value for your FREE. I hope you'll join a call with me, sign up: www.dym.as.me
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Sexless + Controlling = miserable husband
Sex-Full + Controlling = miserable husband
Sexless + Non Controlling = miserable husband
Sadly, sexless or controlling or both are the biggest problems I see. And this is what I hear from husbands that are desperate for change. I want to help you!
JFYI My husband said this is one of the best podcasts ever---he has only said that 1 other time (!) so I hope this is one that is helpful for you.
I talk about foundational truths about men and women that I don't hear people shouting from the rooftops---but they should be! Learn how to strategically change what is going on in your marriage!
Sadly, sexless or controlling or both are the biggest problems I see. And this is what I hear from husbands that I work with. I want to help you!
1)
Come on my free webinar TOMORROW, Friday, May 24, 2019 at 7:30pm EST:
The 7 Blocks to Her Libido: Remove these for generous intimacy in your marriage
Sign up www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks
2)
I used to be a CONTROLLING wife. And there was a ton of tension. He was miserable and so was I. I didn't like who my husband was. He didn't like me either.
When I changed, my husband's joy, the best parts of who he is returned and improved! He's now the most amazing man I've ever met. Seriously. And I'm happier than I could ever have imagined.
What can you do as a husband? A LOT! Here are 3 keys that you can change things in your relationship!
Here are the resources I chat about:
Discover her strengths: www.delightyourmarriage.com/strengths
Free webinar:
The 7 Blocks to Her Libido: Remove these for generous intimacy in your marriage
Sign up www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
The Home in the Dome Podcast talks about the status of the WR position on the New Orleans Saints and discusses whether it will be enough to compete for a Superbowl.
Yep... MY husband said this! Like last week.
What did he mean? Maybe you're a wife that has insecurities like me? After a wonderfully intimate evening, I came clean about something I had been struggling with for a while. He was able to give ear to my heart and hear that I was feeling pain that I wasn't even aware I was hiding from him.
Various husbands have expressed confusion as to why a wife wouldn't want him looking at others while at the SAME TIME she's hiding her curves he LONGS to see!
As a wife, I get it and I stumble in this way too. If I am not vigilant I can fall just like the enemy wants us all to. I think it's sin because we're separating ourselves from God and what He wants us to do... (Quite literally) our husbands. :)
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Maybe you're a husband who doesn't "get it". I have some important insights for you too!
Further... I'm EXTREMELY excited to invite you on a LIVE Webinar with me coming up!
On Fri, May 24 & Sun, June 2, 7:30pm EST
I'll be hosting a LIVE FREE WEBINAR:
WHAT'S BLOCKING HER LIBIDO? The 7 Mistakes you might be making! Sign up: www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks
Do you want unity in your marriage? Do you want her to feel safe to be utterly vulnerable and literally naked before you? Then it is NOT helpful for her to know your past sex life.
You probably have forgotten plenty of your past, but once you've told her it will stay with her for years--even decades.
Whatever sexual sin you've had before (or even the porn you've done while) is sin. It's your job as a man to discipline your mind, and your actions to be faithful to her. But if you're making her your "accountability partner" it's like saying: "honey, I'm trying not to look at other women, imagine them naked and pretend having sex with them". That will hurt her. Get your act together sir, get to a church, get vulnerable with someone--don't do this in isolation but don't load your dirty laundry on her. Because this will make it HARDER for her to make love (and of course that's what would actually HELP you avoid the temptations anyway).
So, whether you think you're just "being honest" you do not need to be unwise with your words. Words start forest fires. I speak to women daily about how unloved and ugly they feel because their husband struggles with porn. Women have constant insecurities all around sex. Your job as a man? Gratitude for EVERYTHING she is and does around sex. Tell her and show her how extremely grateful and gratifying her sexuality is to you.
And recognize you don't and shouldn't be a victim to your sexual cravings. And I am working with men to change these dynamics in their marriages and have already had incredible results:
-Women are now initiating "I can't remember the last time".
-"We made love 2 times this week and it was 'making love' not just duty sex".
-A man separated from his wife shared that they've now had several sexual encounters.
SO! If you want to know next steps with me, if you're a man, I'm opening my Clarity Calls now to you. You can book one here: www.dym.as.me This is a $500 value and I'm not sure how much longer I'll be doing these, so I encourage you to book very soon.
I have been late to get a podcast out to you...for a pretty important reason.
My brother was found on the side of the road without a pulse. I raced to the hospital several states away and arrived when the doctors told us he may be brain dead---we found out they were considering putting him on life-support. No one knew how long he was there without blood pumping through his body.
But God. My family reached out to loved ones, Christians, churches, friends, friends of friends all asking for prayer in faith for healing. Standing on the word--by His stripes we are healed, the prayer of faith shall heal you, lay hands on the sick and they shall recover... Standing on His promises of Jesus' healing. All asking for God's miraculous intervention.
The story of Lazarus came up OVER and OVER again--my sister was in a play, her paster and my pastor in different states preached on it, a Lazarus song came up 2x, and 2 dreams about Lazarus. We prayed that my brother would be raised like Lazarus.
It's pretty incredible what happened next. I hope this story blesses you and brings you closer to Jesus and gives you greater faith in His amazing hand in your life. I believe that is what this story is to do. I believe my job is to spread the good news of the miracle-working power of the gospel. I hope you share this story to bring God glory.
But I also pray that if your life looks more like John the Baptist (when you hear the podcast you'll understand what I mean) I want to give you hope as well. God has not forgotten you, your situation, your loved ones, your name. He has purposes and they are far greater than we can imagine. Your life has purpose even if it looks different than others. He is the Messiah, He does love you, He has purpose and POWER for you and YOUR life.
Love and God bless you,
Belah
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
What if you're a wife that has WAY lower libido than your husband? If you feel like this is just physiologically the way you were made, I want to help. I think there's a lot more to you and the way you're set up sexually.
I, Belah Rose, "the sexpert", can easily say I have a low libido. Does that keep me and my husband from having an incredible sex life? Fierce, firey, sensual, spiritual... And I get turned on too and get excited about making love! So... I don't think your libido/"natural" sex drive has to prevent you either!
Listen in to find out the top 3 things you need to know if you have a LOW sex drive. And how to turn that around. How I did and do.
But what if HE is the one with the low sex drive? Ouch! So sorry, I know that's so hard!
There are several important questions you need to be asking. I help you to sort through what could be the real source of the issues and how to overcome them. Are you contributing to the issue or COULD be contributing to live the solution?
--
What’s a Clarity Call:
You can sign up for a FREE, 40-minute call (a $500 value) for an opportunity to get clear on the issues you deal with. If you are the right fit for the program this can be a phenomenal opportunity as I can’t invite everyone into the program. Clarity Calls are free for now but I’m not sure until when. To schedule, go to: www.dym.as.me Even if we find a program is not the right fit, you’ll get a ton of awesome value.
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
My husband is a very wise man. Probably the wisest I've met (and I get to live with him! :) :) :) )
Listeners have asked to hear from my husband and I'm glad because he has a lot of wonderful & helpful things to share! I think his message has nuggets that any and every marriage will benefit from!
--
If you're a husband...
I'm about to pilot a brand new program:
Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again!
I have SO many men--may be like yourself--whose wives wouldn’t dream of hearing my work or considering changing their behavior or even understanding those needs.
By Gods grace, I understand men AND women and this would be the program to bridge the gap for MEN to understand their wives and motivate her to WANT sex rather than REPEL her FROM it (as unfortunately, most of them are :( ). It would be an all-male group coaching with me. This would allow men to share their situations and I would advise on the female perspective and give teachings (all this via live video chat) on how to transform their marriages and intimacy within it. I’m only accepting serious, committed, decisive and coachable applicants and this pilot would be the absolute lowest investment the program will ever be. I am either going to pick the best of the applications that come in or if there are a lot (and I plan to blast this all over to gauge genuine interest) then I’ll just do first come, first serve of the best ones. If you’d like to be considered for this opportunity sign up for a Clarity Call at www.dym.as.me and we'll dive in quickly to see if you'd be the right fit to get success out of this opportunity. Check out testimonials of my work: www.delightyourmarriage.com/testimonials & also www.delightyourmarriage.com/husbands to read a tiny sampling of the outpouring of men about their sexual needs and need to be respected. I'm REALLY looking forward to helping the men who constantly reach out to me for help (3 just this week!).
Productiveness IS good, but we forget that we're not just human doers -- we're also human beings.
Take the story of Martha and Mary. Martha was working hard and being productive FOR JESUS. Mary was calmly sitting, being still and LISTENING TO JESUS. Both were Godly women. And Jesus even defended Mary for “choosing the good part” when Martha accused her of not DOING.
Consider how Jesus modeled JOY and DELIGHT -- not just productivity. He certainly “did” a lot, but he also had breakfast with his friends, ate dinner and drank wine (sometimes he was even accused of being a drunkard!) and little children ran to him. He must have been pretty enjoyable to be around if even little children want to run up to the revered Rabbi.
If you are ALWAYS thinking that "God wants me to be productive. I need to do this and that..." then I challenge you to sit back, listen to Him, and just take delight in His presence.
We can also apply this to our sex lives. What if sex was fun and filled you up? And it's not just about sex. Being FUN and PLAYFUL in the bedroom EXTENDS to how you interact with your husband daily.
In this podcast episode, you'll discover...
- Why sex can actually be fun!
- Sex doesn't have to be miserable - I encourage you to reverse it even if you've endured it for years and years!
- It can still be passionate, playful, purposeful --- like how it was in the beginning!
How does fun and playful sex affect us:
- We empathize easier with our husbands and other people too
- We rewire our brains to see, think, and do as God wants us to
- When we’re not constantly doing and we have margin in our lives that comes through playing
We serve a God that loves us. He want us to know that:
- His love is deeper and wider and truer than we can imagine.
- He truly wants us to enjoy our lives.
- He created physical stimuli like laughing when we are tickled. Why? Because all the joys we feel when hugged, kissed, or touched --- it is proof of God's unfathomable deep and true love for us.
SCARED to START BEING PLAYFUL? I'm curious where that fear is coming from? I have Clarity Calls set up especially to get at the root of how you feel underneath the behavior.
If you go to www.dym.as.me for a 40-Minute FREE conversation with me to understand where you are in your marriage.
If you're distraught or even if you're on the edge of divorce, by God's grace, a Clarity Call may be exactly what you need to gain hope and discern next steps FOR YOU.
Words are important. They can cause a wildfire or a passionate flame in your bedroom.
Outside of the bedroom:
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We can be hurtful and careless with our words and say “Oh he’s my husband”. Does that sound familiar? But is he really JUST your husband? That is God’s son you’re dealing with.
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If you want to get your words in line with God’s will, one of the first things that needs to be done is to APOLOGIZE. Just get it out of the way. It’s hard, especially if it’s not part of the culture of your marriage. But it’ll get easier the more you do it!
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When words are on purpose, intentional, and aligned with what God wants your husband to hear, then it’s easy to truly become ONE FLESH. Generous lovemaking becomes more natural to both of you.
Now onto the SEXY STUFF:
- What CAN you say in sex?
- Is God okay with you saying seductive phrases to your husband?
- Could God even WANT you both to use your words to turn each other on?
- What is going to encourage the bond between you and your husband?
- If he's aroused and you’re not (and vice versa!) --- how do you turn each other on?
- If you have a higher drive -- it's not your fault--but what actions can you take?
- What about fantasy, sexy texts, and whispering attractive things in his ears?
- So you might say “but I feel like I'm just FAKING IT?” or “It’s not my personality”. There’s plenty you can do!
Sexy language is going to feel silly at first. Just like when you study a new language! As you practice it, you get less awkward and you’ll push through and take courage in your marriage bed!
Resources:
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I want to invite you on a FREE 40-minute Clarity Call with me if these are things that you struggle with and you feel very far away from being able to feel free in your sexual intimacy. It is extremely gratifying when you have the sexual intimacy you and he crave! Go to this website to schedule a chat with me: http://www.dym.as.me/
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What happens at Clarity Calls? Well, we dig deep into what the issues are and I’ll listen and take notes. We're going to talk about your dreams and desires and we would go through what would it look like to bridge the gap. I'm going to determine if you would be the right fit for my program and talk through the details and maybe invite you to be one of the few clients I take on this month.
A lot of women are under the impression that they need to share everything with their husbands. In fact, they say this is being “honest”.
I disagree. In EVERY marriage (yes, even VERY good ones), there are many things that are not (and should not) be shared. No one needs to share about tons of bathroom stuff---yuck, not sexy. But there are tons of other things that just wouldn’t be useful, helpful, godly, respectful, kind or many other reasons to share.
AND it depends on what level of the Marriage Health Spectrum your marriage is to determine what you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT share.
If your marriage is awful right now, you shouldn't SHARE what someone who has an awesome marriage can share. You have to be strategic with what you do and do not share. SO that it can BECOME an awesome marriage.
Find out...
- Where your marriage is on the Marriage Health Spectrum
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- Considering that, does he--your husband--deserve “your heart”?
- How can you still be the faithful, generous wife AND guard your heart?
- HOW to respond to heartbreaking adulterous situations strategically, like affairs or addictions to pornography
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- If you don’t want to lose your marriage, HOW your react is vital!
- WHAT we can learn from Esther, the woman who changed the heart of the King!
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- Can you believe sex was involved?
- How to transform zero-affection marriages and get to a place where you're doing God's will in this life
- How to respond to your husband when he hurts you…
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- Hurt people HURT PEOPLE
- Understand how your husband is motivated, how he is designed so you can work with that and help him become the man, God wants him to be.
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- And the man that supports you, loves you, allows you to be fulfilled and do God's work
Resources:
- Jump on a free 40-minute Clarity Call with me. To schedule, go to: www.dym.as.me
- IF I think I can help you, then I'll share with you what the 90-Day Delighted Wife Program looks like!
As a mother, you would do ANYTHING for your children.
What does that have to do with making love to their father? Well, A LOT. In fact, their eternity is at stake. Really.
- Your marriage teaches your kids to treat others, adults and themselves.
- Your marriage teaches them what a healthy relationship/marriage looks like and that they want one.
- Your marriage shows them that a relationship with Jesus is fun and worth picking the right spouse and waiting for it!
- Your marriage shows them what character means.
- Your sex life is foundational to all of this...
- Your husband can be an incredible dad
- He can be focused on his family not the temptations of the world
Other things covered:
- How sex satiety and desire for sex occurs in opposite ways for women and men
- Why your children need to be well-liked by adults (and that's your job) World-renowned psychologist mentioned: Jordan B. Peterson
- When you're a whole woman, totally emotionally held and loved in your marriage you have a far greater capacity to be a present, teaching, loving but wise mother (rather than a resentful, haggard and push-over stressed-out mother)
Excited for you to dive deep into how to transform your marriage!
What does money have to do with your marriage? Finances are often touted as the biggest reason for divorce... but get this: when you have an awesome sex life studies estimate that it's equivalent to having an additional $100k per year! So... NO financial issues...
But there's more, the BIGGEST financial DISASTER that can ever befall someone is divorce. SO an awesome marriage and sex life can either pay big $$$ or cost you a ton of money!
With all that said, how well are you prioritizing life so that your marriage is protected and your finances support it? WISELY.
The Bible is very specific: wisdom is more valuable than silver and gold... "nothing your heart desires can compare with her". So, how high are you prioritizing wisdom to ensure you have an awesome marriage?
The cool thing is that Solomon first asked for wisdom and then God also gave him riches! So if you invest your finances into wisdom the rewards may also be material wealth!
I talk about the way to prioritize your life that is accorded with the Bible and how your money should reflect those priorities.
Right now I'm doing FREE Clarity Calls (I am not sure how long I'll be able to do these as I have limited space) but on these we go 40 min to uncover the bandaid to discover what is underneath the surface issues of your marriage. If I feel like you're the right fit and I can help you I may invite you to be part of my program: The Delighted Wife: Reclaim Your Sexuality, Live In Your Womanly Wisdom and Witness Him Transform Into Who You've Always Wanted. www.dym.as.me
Find out what is preventing you from having the marriage of your dreams? Sign up for a FREE Clarity Call quickly as my schedulle fills very quicly. www.dym.as.me
Looking forward to working with you one-on-one soon!
I get so many emails from husbands. I want to send a message to their wives...the wife I used to be. I was a wife who saw sex as
- Dirty
- Wrong
- Ungodly
- Scary
- He was sinning for wanting it
- Too much work
- I didn't like it / it hurt / I didn't know what to do
- I don't have time
- I don't have energy
- What's in it for me?
- He's way too interested in sex
And so I avoided it and got resentful that the things I was doing wasn't appreciated. He kept asking me to learn more... and I got angrier.
Well God has changed my heart on this. I have discovered that God made my husband's member, and I am his wife. It is my privilege to be a part of intimacy with him. I am his only means of receiving this vital fulfillment righteously.
I believe this podcast will bring you closer to God. If you're anything like I was, I wish I had known this even before I got married. If I could only understand what sex meant to him. If I could only understand God's purposes for it.
I pray this would be something husbands can give to their wives (when she's ready---listen and practice these 3 episodes: Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157 first).
Podcasts I mention:
- 132-S: The Most Important Piece To Amazing Intimacy with Belah Rose
- 144-S: The Discipline of “No” with Belah Rose
- Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157
Praying for you and your marriage,
Belah
Are you having the WRONG type of sex?
- Why your wife doesn't LOVE intimacy
- Why sex feels carnal
- Why sex feels like it's just for HIM
- Why sex isn't fulfilling (EVEN if you orgasm)
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I argue that there is a very legitimate reason... You guys haven't made feminine sex....ever
- Have you ever even been exposed to what feminine sex is?
- Let me give you a description and then the tools on how to get started!
- Go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/type for further explanation and a step-by-step guide to feminine sex
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Resources referenced:
- Miss Representation documentary
- If you want to know more about our sexualized culture and how men have defined those you can check this own
- My very serious warning is there's a ton of very negative visuals--sexually-explicit music videos, movies with very provocative clothing... but they have really educational good content
- What I would suggest is turning it on your phone and then turning your phone over so you can hear the content without being exposed to the crude and sinful visuals...or just trust that somehow I gleaned what would be helpful for you!
- A great TED talk which explains how our movies are lacking female influence, thus the feminine values and sexual desires: The Data Behind Hollywood's Sexism
- Miss Representation documentary
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FREE (Potentially Life-Changing) Opportunity
- I am doing a limited amount of FREE Clarity Calls to help wives go deep and truly understand and get clear on what is prohibiting them from getting to the intimacy and marriage God wants for them.
- The catch? IF I think I can help you (and I don't think I can help every woman I speak with) I may invite you to be one of the few women I coach this month.
- But if not, you'll definitely get a ton of value from the call, so get on my calendar soon -- right I believe my next Clarity Call is available in 3 weeks from now... so get on the calendar as soon as you can so your marriage can blossom as God wants it to!! www.dym.as.me
So... my husband listens to every podcast before I post them. He often gives me notes on what I need to take out or change. I have been podcasting since Feb 2015 (!!) and by God's grace have been awarded one of the Top 30 Relationship podcasts on the web!!
My husband ended up listening and having an entire page FULL of notes.
POSITIVE notes! (One negative note--not that it was wrong but that it might be a bit too explicit. I countered "I just don't want wives to be confused with what I'm really talking about". He said well, it's ABSOLUTELY true..." so, I left it it in!)
In my almost 200 episodes (!!) my husbands said this is one of the best--maybe THE BEST.
So! I encourage you to listen with an open heart and get ready for some (maybe uncomfortable) truth bombs!
Here is the site I mention where I have collated a sampling of SOME of the emails I get from husbands WISHING (and some even are crying) because they want so badly for their wives to work with me! Seriously...read it... delightyourmarriage.com/husbands
AND if you want to jump in and schedule a FREE Clarity Call where we unpack what's going on in your marriage, in your intimacy, the baggage and start to shed light on how to move it in the right direction, I am offering FREE 40+ min Clarity Calls. You can sign up here: www.dym.as.me
I don't know how long I'll be able to do these for free as it's a giant time commitment--but I love being able to help women. And if I think I can help, you're ready, committed and coachable and that I have the specialization to help your SPECIFIC situation I may invite you to be one of the few clients I take on this month. (I truly don't take on or even invite everyone who wants to work with me). But either way, you get a ton of clarity and direction towards next steps! So, sign up as soon as you can for a FREE Clarity Call with me, Belah! www.dym.as.me
How could suffering ever be a gift? Why would focusing on suffering be a wise thing?
A lot of times the women I coach don't take the time to look at the pain and suffering they're experiencing.
But when they do that, they are distracting themselves away from its lessons--the wisdom God wants to teach us through it. And even through our AWARENESS of it.
On this episode, I talk about the 13 Gifts of Sufferings and I talk specifically about some of my own sufferings that have given me great gifts and it was because I was aware of them in the moments that God used it profoundly in my life.
Jump on a call with me personally to unearth what you're going through and use the suffering to provoke action! Check to see if I have some time on my calendar at www.dym.as.me It's a 40min call for free with me directly!
Testimonial: of a husband of 20+ years:
I just wanted to say a few things, like...Thank you!
Thank you for the time you spent with her, and for your generosity, it is much appreciated. I don't know what the two of you discussed, I haven't asked and she hasn't told. But I haven't seen such a fast change in [her] in, well....ever.
It's like she is a different woman. Actually, she is behaving more like the woman I thought I married or wish I had married... The changes I have seen in her are profound...
Again, I don't know what you coached her to do, and I don't know if she is doing it all or only doing half. But I do see a changed woman in my life. So again I say "Thank You!"
Check to see if I have some time on my calendar at www.dym.as.me I'd love to speak with you directly for free!
Can things really change? "It's been 5, 10, 25 years, how could this ever be different?"
Suffering in marriage makes your whole life suffer---kids, job, ministry, peace, walking in the fruits of the spirit, sexual fulfillment, chastity in thoughts, satisfaction in marriage, covetous thoughts of other marriages, sin in many places, not starting the ministries God has called you to and would thus not touch the many people God wants you too!!
It's 2019, packed in this message is lots of hope, and practical steps to make changes in you that will greatly impact your marriage!
Here is a testimonial I just received by a wife who has been married 10+ years:
"Before working with Belah, my marriage had been to the brink of divorce and separation. My husband and I had continual anger and resentment toward one another. I knew the importance of sex to a man, and felt pressure to be 'enough'. But I felt like I never was. I reached out to Belah, for her to help me be who he needed. Belah listened to my heart, and saw the missing piece- boundaries. Turns out, he needed ME all along. Through Belah's coaching, she helped me with: Healthy boundaries. Loving and respecting myself. Realizing, and honoring what "I" enjoy and desire about sex and intimacy. She gave me wisdom and words to say. Teaching me what a healthy relationship looks like in all areas. The amazing benefits I am enjoying now: LOVE; true love like never before. My husband and I look forward to being around each other, and have such an appreciation and respect for one another. I am cherished and honored, he is respected and lifted up as my man. I am more "me" than ever before, and loving exactly who I am and am becoming. Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful." To God be all the glory. I want to help you get clarity on what is really going on in your marriage and I have limited space to talk with some women one on one to uncover what is really going on in their marriages for transformation! If you're serious about wanting this difference in your marriage, sign up at www.dym.as.me as soon as you can, as space will fill up quickly! www.dym.as.me Love, Belah
WHAT SHOULD YOUR LIFE BE ABOUT AT THE BEGINNING OF 2019?
I used to try to cram all of my goals into the beginning of the year. And I would scramble for a few weeks potentially months—at best and then drop all of them by April.
I’ve learned something very valuable that I wanted to share today. I want to talk to you about exactly how I set my priorities throughout every year. It frees me up to focus, relax and listen to God’s voice.
This year I’m really excited and there’s a lot of really good things! And I want that for you as well. If you want to move your marriage to a place of peace and passion and joy and purpose, I would love to jump on a FREE breakthrough call where you can discover solutions immediately.
Sign up here: https://dym.as.me/ God bless you in 2019!
(If you’re not in my FREE private Facebook group where we discuss intimacy and marriage and purpose in life and I walk with God join here!… Wives only! :-) ) www.facebook.com/groups/delightym/
You might think your marriage is too far gone. There is too much strife, emotional and mental abuse, painful memories, WAY too much baggage to ever recover.
I encourage you to review this entire series and take a journey with me on this episode.
Maybe we've been looking at this whole marriage thing all wrong. And we've been looking at what it means to be man and woman wrong too?
What is the masculine nature? What is the feminine nature? Can a man have both, can a woman have both?
Is this a sacrilegious framework?
Well, I think there is a ton of biblical precedence for thinking of men and women as possessing both masculine and feminine natures and both are good, should be respected and honored. I'm going to share that here.
I want to talk about how this shows up in my own marriage specifically and how it can radically change yours!
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Jump on a 40min clarity call with me so we can sort this stuff out. What is going on in your marriage and how can we get to the bottom of it to truly, deeply transform the lives of you, your spouse, your children and what God wants of you in this world! Delightyourmarriage.com/call
1 in 4 women this year will be sexually abused. You may never know who... your sister, best friend, daughter, mother, wife...
You may have been the victim. I'm so sorry for your pain and what you have been through. You are not alone and you do not need to feel shame any longer.
Today's podcast is to help all women process the pain of abuse. I think it affects all of us whether we ourselves have experienced it or not, we live in a culture where that is the norm...
- When was the last news show you were able to get through without hearing at least one incident of violence against a woman?
- 1 in 5 searches on the internet are for pornography and 90% of pornography is violent towards women.
- Most women who have been abused are not believed even if they have the courage to speak out--so most stay silent.
Here's what I cover:
- Why are women abused?
- Why the shaming question she is always asking herself: "why didn't I know better?" or "she was asking for it" isn't her fault based on her God-given nature
- My experiences with sexual abuse
- Why I think it's vital that we continue to understand women's experiences and give them a voice and let them know we hear them and believe them
- Why we all need to be speaking about it and not expect only the victims to
How does it affect your marriages...
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What if you have sex without wanting it in your marriage? Why that makes you feel abused even though it might not actually abused
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It affects sex, her feelings of safety and I have some specific guidance for that (get my specific guide referenced on the show! Send me a message to get the Connection Session Guide here: belah@delightyourmarriage.com)
Here's what is covered in today's episode
- There are a ton of "submit" verses in the Bible.
- They were used to abuse me in my first marriage.
- I think these also have made men feel that they had the right to abuse & justify their actions with the misuse of these scriptures.
- But what people don't realize is they are reading the Bible (and even translations of the Bible) through a patriarchial lense.
- Don't believe me?
- What does "help-meet" mean?
- This word which Eve is supposed to be to Adam.
- Well, it's not the supporting, secondary, servant role you may have always thought.
- The original word in Hebrew is "ezer kenegedo". Ezer is used 21x in the Old Testament
- When speaking of Eve 2x in Genesis, it's translated as "help"
- Three times it is used to describe a powerful nation that comes to save the nation of Israel from their enemies
- The other 16x it's used to describe God as a military warrior, the powerful savior, giving desperate salvation from foes
- Is that how you see women?
- Is that how you see yourself?
- What if more verses are viewed through this patriarchial lense and we just aren't aware?
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What scriptural references do we KNOW for sure speak of female leadership even in the New Testament (sprinkled among the books including "wives submit to husbands" verses are found):
- Woman apostle
- Paul honoring the 10 out of 28 people who have been colaborers
- Woman deacons
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As a feminist myself, this material breaths life to my soul
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BUT, what if there IS something to this "submitting" thing in the 21st century, Christian marriages with powerful, feminist women...?
- What if there's an empowering message for both men and women when done "right"?
- This is a morsel of a much larger conversation, but God-willing it will leave all of us with a bit more of a softened heart to where God may be leading us.
This isn't easy territory, but I pray that it is an eye-opening episode for every listener.
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It was my husband's birthday this week and I'm asking every listener to take 5 minutes to review the show!
If you're not sure how, here's a link for delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
This one honestly wasn’t that easy to think through or record.
Here’s what I cover:
- how I hold my opinions about women in the church and I think we all should
- how women showed up in the Bible
- I think Christian men should be on the forefront of the movement to end sexual abuse against women (Jesus would have been)
- women in ministry leadership
- the things I’m still processing around this
- your sexual abuse story should be believed, heard, processed, given space
- and the same goes for church abuse (of any kind)
- the body of Christ needs women in leadership because they are lacking without us
When I work with women, I think the biggest problem is they don’t have boundaries. And for them to slowly strategically come out of abusive relationships and cause their marriage to thrive instead of the abusive, they have to have boundaries. But it might not look the way you think it will look.
I grew up without boundaries myself. And So I never learned that I was responsible for me: my feelings, my thoughts, my choices, my property, my own things, my privacy... So naturally when I got married, I didn’t think I owned these things either. And I didn’t think my husband did either. Especially hearing the “two will become one flesh”, to me that meant that I owned him and he owns me. So we had to be the same.
However that doesn’t work.
How do you create boundaries in your marriage? How do you make sure those boundaries are respected?
And should we always be “honest” with our husbands? I don’t think so necessarily.
I look forward to our conversation!
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DYM is sponsored by my new business Couragess: Christian Women’s Mastermind group. Would love for you to check out my new site and get my free resource: 3 Habits to Grow Your Confidence immediately! www.Couragess.com
(So sorry, my computer broke so I wasn't able to edit and this is late, but I think the content is all there!)
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I was abused and I was completely unaware at the time. Because he was spiritually gifted I trusted him. But he wasn’t exhibiting the fruits of the spirit.
If you’re being abused, it’s so hard to see what’s really going on in your marriage because something that’s inherent in abuse is blinders. Today, I talk about my own experience with abuse in my first marriage, and what it took to get the blinders off for me.
And then not only removing your blinders, but then what is your next step after becoming clear on what’s really going on in your marriage. And then to make wise action towards what I believe can completely transform him.
This is the beginning of a series of DYM shows on abuse. There’s many different levels, categories and types of abuse towards women in many aspects of life. I want to help a woman who is currently in an abusive situation to think through the really difficult areas to walk the hard strategic road to recovery that I believe is possible.
Please note: I am not a licensed therapist or social worker and I cannot provide that “professional” guidance. But this is what I have learned through my story and the suffering I went through and what I have helped some of my coaching clients out of.
Regardless of my credentials, we need to be helping women in this extremely common and devastating arena.
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The resource I referenced about getting support around domestic violence and abuse is www.nomore.org
Not discussed… but it’s common to be attracted to someone that’s not your spouse.
What do you do about it?
First, figure out where you are in your level of attraction and then decide action steps:
-1-3 (when you see them/talk to them you feel a chemistry)
talk to God, get busy, be an enthusiastic lover with your husband, redirect your thoughts, read the Word, work with your hands
-4-7 (find your mind wandering to this person consistently) confide in a mature friend of the same sex–tell them what’s going on and be very honest, avoid spending time with this person, journal about their qualities and affirm that your husbands qualities are better because x, y & z, speak affirmations in faith, draw close to your husband
-8-10 (if you’re considering an affair, divorce or in that spot already) seek counsel of a therapist or counselor, use all sexual inspiration and direct it towards your spouse, be as enthusiastic in the bedroom as you’d be with this new person, pray fervently, be very intentional about falling in love with your husband again, write pros and cons list of this decision and include EVERYONE who would be positively and negatively affected in short term and long term—be honest with what you’re dealing with, pretend you’re in the future looking back on your life and determine whether you’d make that same choice if you could do it all over again
Remember, what you imagine you see now…it’s all a fantasy. You are with the right person. And God will give you the grace to see that if you trust in him.
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UPDATE: I have had to postpone this virtual class referenced on the podcast. Feel free to sign up here to hear more about when the class is ready to be open.
To men:
I have men that reach out to me a lot of direction and support because they wish their wives would be interested in my material. My heart goes out to them and I’d like to give them individual and specific guidance, but I don’t feel comfortable working with men one on one. So, I am developing a Delight Your Wife virtual classroom just for men. This will be a weekly class where I will be live with you discussing a particular topic. You can send me your questions or add to the discussion during the call. These will be recorded and ready for you any time you’d like them in the future as well.
If you sign up in November 2018, you’ll have the lowest subscription fee as the content is still being developed and the virtual classes will just be getting started. Sign up for Delight Your Wife here!
Excited we're back together after far too long! We have got some fantastic episodes coming your way in this new season of DYM!
- What was the last sex scandal you heard about?
- What was the last Christian sex scandal?
- It probably wasn't too long ago. It's really sad. And it happens so much, far too much.
- Why is this happening? What can we do about this?
- On today's show, I talk about why this is so common. I describe the problem and then what you can do in your own marriage. What you can do in your own sphere of influence to guard yourself and others.
- Why I have told my husband if he sins--goes outside the bounds of our marriage--he will be forgiven. That doesn't mean it isn't going to hurt me, and the marriage and plenty of others, but anything less can destabilize us in the long-run.
- You might know me as the author, podcaster and intimacy coach, but I've also helped many women over the years get their goals: writing their books, transforming their marriages, getting a job, starting or leveling-up their business (brick-and-mortar and online). I’ve worked in entrepreneurship, non-profit and for-profit (with Fortune 50 companies).
- I am hosting a "Goal-set in God's will" webinar Sunday, October 14, 2018, at 8 pm EST and Tuesday, October 16, 12 pm EST.
- Discover the 3 questions you need to ask AND goal-set with me on this webinar!
- You're someone who sets big, hairy, audacious goals, but could they need a bit of tweaking?
- Let's do something really important and have fun doing it! Sign up for this FREE, live webinar with me!
Hi all,
DYM is taking a break for the summer but will be back on late August, early September.
Blessings,
Belah
Questions Discussed:
- Is it helpful to fantasize about others?
- How to get turned on
- How to have an orgasm
- Female erections
- How to rekindle your attraction
- How to get turned on even if you don't "like" him right now
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How you can be turned on by him
- What he can do
- What you can do
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Check out this episode's show notes with links
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So, I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!
Check out The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
- The 3 Components of Seduction
- Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
- Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
- Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs
- All Steamy AND Sacred
Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful.
Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography.
Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in!
Find out more at delightyourmarriage.com
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Ensure that you’re infusing your marriage with exciting physical intimacy:
I’ve released the first 4 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 5th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.
- The 3 Components of of Seduction
- Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
- Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
- Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs
- How is it Steamy & Sacred
Part 2:
Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful.
Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography.
Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in!
Resources mentioned:
- Surrendered Wife
- Surrendered Single
- Things Will Get As Good As You Can Stand
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Ensure that you’re infusing your marriage with exciting physical intimacy:
I’ve released the first 4 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 5th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.
- The 3 Components of of Seduction
- Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
- Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
- Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs
- How is it Steamy & Sacred
Well, by now you know that I'm a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful. Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions answered like...
-What about when you have fundamental differences?
-What about different parenting styles?
-Marriage therapy ever a good idea?
-What about when he's nasty but you don't want a huge issue by saying "ouch" and leaving the room?
-When you're vulnerable but he hurts you because you're vulnerable
-How do you share your feelings (that are negative) on big things? (Assuming your surrendering the small things)
-What if your husband has Low self esteem?
Find out more at delightyourmarriage.com
Ensure that you’re infusing your marriage with exciting physical intimacy:
I’ve released the first 4 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 5th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.
- The 3 Components of of Seduction
- Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
- Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
- Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs
- How is it Steamy & Sacred
Discussed in this conversation:
- Divorce is an option, for Christians and non-Christians.
- I hope I can convince you of the importance of this truth.
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If you are not aware that this is possible for your marriage, you may be blindsided by this reality. But if you believe you both are free beings who choose everyday to remain faithful to your vows, I think you can walk more circumspectly and carefully.
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How do you shift the way you view your marriage? Well, what are things about your husband that you rely on? How can you be grateful for the things we rely on?
- How can you be grateful for the man you have instead of the man you wish he was?
- As I am a woman who got divorced, I wish wives (and husbands) started marriages believing divorce is an option so they would be more careful. So they felt more responsible and accountable for their choices and there are natural consequences to consistently choosing poor behavior towards to their spouse.
- 1 Corinthians 10:12 "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall."
- So how do you turn around a ship heading towards divorce: Gratefulness. Appreciating and respecting and honoring the tiny glimmers and watering those seeds to grow through encouragement and love.
- How to have habits of gratefulness to help each other grow in noticing the positive. What you focus on grows.
- Not to be motivated by fear but motivated by freedom.
- How to be careful to ensure affairs are not blind spots.
——
Ensure that you're infusing your marriage with exciting sex:
I’ve released the first 4 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 5th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.
- The 3 Components of of Seduction
- Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
- Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
- Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs
What is included in this show:
- Why is amazing intimacy important in marriage?
- Why the lure of Sex is so great
- Marital love making is supposed to be intoxicating
- Should you try to make your sex life exciting?
- Could God wants our sex life to be exciting
- What I think is the biggest barrier to amazing intimacy
- Why the enemy want to destroy the excitement in your sex life
- The attitude behind something is actually more important than the action themselves
Shift your attitude. Col 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
Men get turned on by something they see, women get turned when they feel good about themselves. -Joyce Penner
The HOW of making it exciting:
I’ve released the first 3 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 4th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.
What do you want your marriage to look like? Is it at the level of the connection and depth of love that you desire? If not, what does it look like? And the follow up question is what you can do to change it?
We cannot change what we do not notice. I encourage you to take stock of your intimacy which is your husband's fuel of your connection. How often are you making love and how are you making it a priority in your life? It often isn't as easy as it sounds, but I have some tips and encouragement that will help.
When you make love to him, you are loving him the way that he receives love. So, to realize your connection goals, I encourage you to make that a strategy.
If you feel far off from where you want to be in your marriage, my husband has a prayer for you at the end.
Love you and be encouraged this week!
Be intentional about the spice of your sex life:
I’ve released the first 3 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 4th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.
Sex is Better In Marriage. If it's better, why is there so much divorce and so many unhappy marriages? Its better but it's also harder.
Here's why sex is harder in marriage:
- You see the good, the bad & the ugly.
- You have to be vulnerable and that's messy & uncomfortable.
- You see them in the mundane...when you're brushing your teeth... how can they be sexy to you?
- You have to maintain attraction to one person
- You have to be intentional about passion, spice & excitement
Why sex is better in marriage:
- It's real. Its not a performance where you have to be perfect. It's your real heart and real body. You can let your hair down and be who you are in your sexuality.
- It's not going to end. So you don't have to have this fear that if you don't please him, he'll leave. Instead your motivation is to make your forever relationship amazing.
- You find out what he likes, and get to practice that and hone your skills on his particularities for years.
- No fear of embarrassing yourself. He is the safest person there is. A person who promised to love you through it all and to never leave... feeling silly is something you can do with him.
- Sex is spiritual. Its not just a physical experience and you get to explore that in marriage. The peace, joy and love bleeds over from life and into the marriage bed and back out into life.
Be intentional about the spice of your sex life:
I’ve released the first parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples you can use immediately in this course!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 3rd part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.
Main Points:
- The safety and stability of a home is due to the spouses' generosity in the bedroom
- Making love is God's work.
- "Yes, God changed me. But he changed me through [our intimacy]." -my husband
- Gen 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
- God was talking about sex.'
- What a wife needs to make love is a man living out the fruit of the Spirit.
The Seduction Course Part 1 is released today!! Purchase now to have the most discounted price! (It will go up next Tuesday when I release Part 2!)
I am SO excited to share this content with you. I think it will really get you to the place of implementing and doing, practically, those things that will really make you feel powerful. Because you will know that you know how to drive him wild.
The specific steps to seduce:
- Get him to want it
- Tease him
- Give him a little bit
- Pull away
- Give him what he wants
Why Seduction is important, helpful tips on what will help you seduce and next steps.
The Seduction Course P1 will be released next week! Purchase now to have the most discounted price! (It will go up on Tuesday!)
I am SO excited to share this content with you. I think it will really get you to the place of implementing and doing, practically, those things that will really make you feel powerful. Because you will know that you know how to drive him wild.
Main points:
-God's might and glory is shown in the uniqueness of creation. And in the tiniest of details of your body.
-The way you feel about your body affects the way you interact with your spouse and the rest of the world.
-Children are released in their bodies. Body insecurity is learned (and its unattractive).
-Our self-perception is tied to so many different things. Time of the month, what we've been eating for the last couple of weeks, what stresses are in our lives etc. And this affects the way we eat and look at ourselves.
-You can honor and listen to your body. But you don't have to feel pressure that you have to get "there" before you can seduce your husband and be released in your body.
-Practical tips on what you can do today to be more released.
Check out The Seduction Course presale here for 50% off before it goes live (very soon)!
How to enjoy sex as a woman. We as women have so much going on. So many commitments and responsibilities. Busy.
For women its a slow process to transition from life to physical intimacy. (For men, not so much). For us, its slow and it should be. Its an opening. Its a releasing. Its a being invited into her divinely orchestrated womanhood.
What does it feel like to be in touch of your body? Why does touch matter? Being in your body. Being attentive to the touch of your body will help you enjoy making love. I explain what I mean and how you can do this practically.
I give you some centering practices that will move you into a centering place where you can receive and be fully with the love making experience.
Letting yourself experience it all. What to do when your mind wanders. What if there is whole other way of experiencing sex than you and your husband have tried--and it is a more spiritual experience that you might have imagined.
Touch outside the body, but what are you feeling on the inside of your Ressa. Not your clitorous, but your inner Ressa. I'll be talking more about experiencing that pleasure on this podcast.
Homework:
- What kind of touches do you want from your husband?
- Game plan: write out exactly what you want to say.
- Make love in a slow, intentionally receiving way.
Embodying your Sexuality P1 & P2, Episode 160 & Episode 161.
"Save sex for marriage". A wise piece of advice. But because I didn't learn anything about it's value, I just assumed it was nasty.
But I never learned about my Ressa. Why your Ressa needed to be reframed and renamed: Ressa = Receiving him into your Essence
(Feel free to keep the name you feel most comfortable with. However, I don't feel comfortable using the words publicly on this show, that to me either evoke negative/pornographic connotations or are medical terms that don't include all the areas and don't capture the radiance of your essence.)
We as Christian women often don't respect it or honor it as wonderful good.
A lot of negative and embarrassing things happened while learning how to grow up with a Ressa. You may have a negative view of it just because of the way you grew up.
- Episode 110 Luke Gilkerson how to raise healthy sexual kids.
Is it awkward to consider God coming into the room with your husband and you making love? He's not surprised.
God made it all. He made it to be filled with blood and become sensitive when its touched.
Embracing the fullness of your Ressa is foundational for you to walk in pleasure in your intimacy. For you to relax and receive him into your essence. Next week builds upon this one, so be sure to do your homework!
176-Body P5: Value Touch
When you're confident in your body you're not being prideful, you're humbly acknowledging His gift of your body.
Your beauty is not a question is a statement.
God knit you together, counted your hairs. He cares about all the incredible intracacies of your body.
It matters what you do with it. God is all about the spirit and mind and soul. But He also says love the Lord with all your strength. Your body is important to God.
Jesus talked about the body when describing a husband and wife. Sexual immorality is not ok. It matters to God how you use your body.
What you do with your body matters to Him. And the way you think about your body matters to Him. Your body valuable.
Every time you look at the mirror you're judging your body. You're seeing if you look ok or if you're pretty enough. Stop looking in the mirror. What space of your life, energy, time, desire is taken up by the desire to be the world's standard of beauty? Is that going to matter in eternity? Why are we obsessed with it now?
I think you'll enjoy the homework ;) Flaunt it girl!
Next week: 175-Body4: Honor Your Ressa
I thought my body was gross. I thought God didn't give me a good one. God changed my perspective. Now that insecurity has become fierce respect for this wonder God has given me.
Now I'm convinced that we as women are jewels. Our bodies are of the highest value. And we should not put our jewels before swine. Your body should be adored by someone who deserves it. By someone who serves you, respects you and makes you feel worth it. Your husband (though he himself is a work in progress) is the only one who fits the bill.
Tips:
- Assume the attraction is there.
- Practice affirmations. I do this with my clients and this is one of the most effective strategies.
- Spend time journaling rather than eating. Eating allows us to numb ourselves from the difficulties of life. We stuff ourselves with food so we don't feel.
- You are not being cocky by telling yourself you're gorgeous. Your body is God's work of art. He gets the credit. God made you beautiful. When you get compliments, receive it and give the glory to God in your heart. You don't have to let that puff you up in pride, you can give that to God.
- It is a discipline to have confidence. And it takes discipline to get there.
- Write through the hard times, rather than stuff the hard time with food which make the enemy distract you from life and God's voice.
Resources: Women Food and God (Though not a Christian book, amazing principles that we can apply through a godly lense can be gleened.)
Next week: 174-Body P3: Flaunt It, Don't Ask For Approval
Welcome to this brand new series all about body. Body image, food issues, body acceptance, comfort in sex... all of it affects how you make love.
But who made it? Is it yours? Are you responsible for how it looks?
My body image struggles caused me great pain throughout my life. It was my "project." It was my obsession. It was my thing that made me feel OK but also horrible. But as my eating increased, so did my body. And I hated it. I wanted to get liposuction. I prayed God would make me thin. I prayed He'd increase my metabolism. I ordered many ridiculous contraptions that were supposed to make me lose the weight. I binged. I purged.
I share about my eating disorder and what God has brought me out of. Even the times I did lose the weight, did it fix my life? Or were there still things underneath that were still broken?
You can imagine what this all meant about my sex life and connecting to my husband.
If you're anything like me, this is a journey. And in this series where I want to join with you on this struggle.
I think this is a huge barrier to a fulfilling sexual intimacy in your marriage. But where is God in all of this? What might He want you to know about your body?
Do the work to actively engage in this series to change.
Homework:
- What's your food story and your body image?
- Where are you now?
- Where do you want to go, what do you want to feel, what do you want sex to be like?
- And make love to your man this week ("do before you feel")
Next week we continue with Body P2: Know Your Worth, Freedom With Food
In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season?
I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God's will and way for my life. I don't believe I was pursuing it in God's timing.
And that is one of the central themes around today's podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now.
From there, what do you do with that understanding? How does it become practical and lived out?
Some topics covered:
- The enemy wants to distract you from what matters in eternity
- Parenting requires focus, I was allowing other "priorities" take that focus.. which now I realize was foolishness given my season
- Distractions include Netflix, Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, food (a personal struggle I'll talk more about in the new year)... just to name a few.
—
Check out Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife’s manual for passion and confidence in intimacy
delightyourmarriage.com
Sexual intimacy should be a place of rest. It can even become a "haven for me".
In this interview, Juli Slattery, of Authentic Intimacy, talks about the spiritual priority of sexual intimacy in marriage and the passion involved in covenant love.
She also discusses which Sexual acts are ok? How do you know if it's a conscience thing or just a comfort thing?
- Has God said no to this?
- Is this loving and beneficial, is it good for us?
- Is it only us?
We don't grow in anything unless we push past our comfort. Learn how to become great lovers. How to be able to lose control? Either a fear or a lie.
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Check out Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife's manual for passion and confidence in oral sex
When you think about the women of the Bible who comes to mind?
Ruth, the loyal daughter who served her widowed mother-in-law. Esther, who risked her life to save her people.
The hardworking Proverbs 31 wife. Mary, the teenage girl who's heart was so tender before the Lord that He chose her to be Jesus' mother.
Yes. The women in the Bible are incredible and should be aspired to.
Did you immediately think of the Song of Solomon? Probably not. Not because she doesn't take up space in the scriptures.
Actually she has more spoken words than any woman in the whole Bible. But we probably haven't heard many sermons about her. (There's plenty of reasons why... a discussion for another time).
I'm joined by intimacy expert Dr. Juli Slattery from Authentic Intimacy. And we discuss the desire and pleasure of the woman (in the Bible) of the Song of Solomon.
God wanted us to hear and understand that desire. He wanted us to see the holiness in it.
What does this mean to your marriage? How can you apply this in your marriage?
delightyourmarriage.com
My book---Delight Your Husband: A christian wife's manual to passion and confidence in oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage, consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! She's currently offering this opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
He proposed to me over fast food in a parking lot. I think it might have been drizzling.
Well he's not that man anymore. God has changed him. He has brought him in so many ways to a place that I could not have imagined were possible. Truly.
I hope this podcast inspires you. I hope it empowers you to make the hard choices for yourself to see what God might want to allow you to think about.
At the end I tell you about the amazing anniversary experience my husband gave me. And I tell you about the newly weds having the exact same experience but were much less enthused.
I've extended the discount for 1 week! 1:1 Coaching with Belah is 30% off. Click here for details!
This is Part 3 of Why we became romantic. I was a generous wife in intimacy and I felt loved in some areas, but I didn't feel loved outside of the bedroom. The romance on dates, the random gifts, the consistent compliments, the surprises were missing.
(Part 1 is more of the theory behind it and Part 2 is the beginning of my discussion with my husband that exemplifies this process.)
- Being happy and pleasable makes my husband motivated to plan and give me big surprises
- My husband takes note of "I would like" but rejects specific commands.
- "Its not what you say, its the way you say it."
- Deciding where to focus, the negatives are easy to remember.
- When you say it, it stays in the records. Encouragement "erases" the bad
- Before I surrendered I was in charge of the finances, and now that he is, we're much happier (less stress for me and more confidence for him)
- I am closest to my husband so I can affect him the most: in your self-conception, who you are in the world
Ultimately, Belah's husbands feel her changes caused the marriage to change. Caused him to change.
Resources: Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course; Financial Peace University, Surrendered Wife
1:1 Coaching with Belah is 30% off until Nov 24. Click here for details!
I encourage you to first listen to Part 1 here. Today, you get to hear the gory details of how awful I was...from my husband. He is giving you all the dirt on me, for your benefit (hopefully!). There's a ton of mistakes I made that I thought was helping, but was actually driving a severe wedge between us. I was making it impossible for him to love me in the ways I was desperate for him to love me.
God has taught me a ton in my marriage. But by God's grace, He continues to teach me. I thought I had it all figured out---but I had a lot more to learn. Through The Surrendered Wife book, I learned so much and I made important changes. But here's my journey of understanding, right from my own husband.
In part 2, you'll hear what was really going on behind closed doors.
- All the big mistakes I made which was wreaking havoc on my marriage though I had no idea.
- Why my husband didn't want to go to weddings & social events that I so desperately wanted him to attend.
- How my insecurity caused my husband to be more insecure and wanted to do less of the activities I really wanted them to do.
- How I would treat my husband at parties, when walking down the street, and even in public at the grocery store ;/
- Why he felt like I treated him like a child and why I felt like he was acting like a child.
- How I realized that the truth of this scripture - Eph 5:33 Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
There's a ton that has changed but it was a pretty muddy road, and I wonder if you might be able to relate or can hear how to avoid my mistakes.
1:1 Coaching with Belah is 30% off until Nov 24. Click here for details!
You may have thought you chose the right man when you were dating, but suddenly things changed when you got married. He stopped trying. He stopped woo-ing you and just took you for granted. When was the last time he took you on a date? Its so tough to feel that if he just tried a little you'd be happy.
Its an awful feeling. The good news is it can change with these steps. Its hard work on our end, but it makes big differences in the marriage. I was totally surprised to find out the very things I was doing that I thought was "helping" was actually pulling the rug out from under him.
When I gave him advice, corrected, explained and taught him...he took that to mean I thought he was stupid. When I critiqued and guided for next time...he felt the rug was pulled out from under him, criticized and that there was no pleasing me. So why try?
The key principles: husbands want to be respected. Women want to be cherished. Does your craving for real intimacy in your marriage win, over your need to be in control? Lets chat this through in this episode.
delightyourmarriage.com for 30% off on coaching for this month only!
There's a lot we can do to make our love lives more lively. More than you might have thought. What about making sex into a game?
Here's a wife who made a Christian app that makes sex more fun for all of us! Amy's passion has come out of a place of understanding the significant impact that comes out of a place of marital intimacy.
This is the second half of her interview and it is so important for us all to prioritize and enjoy making love. We all can only be so creative---Why not get a little help to make it more fun and spicy?
Her desire is to make more marriages succeed. So much of the app is free, I would really encourage you to check it out: ultimateintimacy.com At the end of the interview, Amy walks us through step by step how the game works (so you can download and walk with her through how to use it).
My other encouragement I share on the podcast, is maybe you're not at a place where an app will help you spice things up. Maybe there are significant challenges that need to be worked through before you can get to that stage. I share a lot of the challenges I've had to fight through in regards to intimacy and I want to help you get to the other side. Intimacy Coaching 1:1 with me is 30% from now until Nov 24. We meet via video chat every week to dig into the deep stuff to move you to amazing intimacy.
Financial challenges aren't easy. They are in fact the #1 reason for divorce. How did her marriage survive when things got really stressful financially?
When you're stressed tensions run high in the household. Often the last thing on your mind (especially for women) is making love.
And this wife and mother believes it is what brought them through the serious challenges in their marriage.
God doesn't promise us an easy life. We will have struggles throughout this side of eternity. But, our marriage can be a place of respite. (CAN being the operative word). Listen to hear how this wife was able to work--during the stress--to keep her relationship with her man strong, so they were unified in facing those challenges.
30% off for Intimacy Coaching with Belah until Nov 24, 2017.
I get so many emails from husbands. I want to send a message to their wives...the wife I used to be. I was a wife who saw sex as
- Dirty
- Wrong
- Ungodly
- Scary
- He was sinning for wanting it
- Too much work
- I didn't like it / it hurt / I didn't know what to do
- I don't have time
- I don't have energy
- What's in it for me?
- He's way too interested in sex
And so I avoided it and got resentful that the things I was doing wasn't appreciated. He kept asking me to learn more... and I got angrier.
Well God has changed my heart on this. I have discovered that God made my husband's member, and I am his wife. It is my privilege to be a part of intimacy with him. I am his only means of receiving this vital fulfillment righteously.
I believe this podcast will bring you closer to God. If you're anything like I was, I wish I had known this even before I got married. If I could only understand what sex meant to him. If I could only understand God's purposes for it.
I pray this would be something husbands can give to their wives (when she's ready---listen and practice these 3 episodes: Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157 first).
Podcasts I mention:
- 132-S: The Most Important Piece To Amazing Intimacy with Belah Rose
- 144-S: The Discipline of “No” with Belah Rose
- Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157
Praying for you and your marriage,
Belah
Now that you know the value of your sexuality (from Part 1), what does it mean to share that with your spouse?
I was a woman so insecure and unaware of the beauty of my body that it shocked me to realize the attraction my husband felt towards me. It took a while to actually come to accept it was true. But from there, to become fierce in the bedroom, that was another process. That's what we're going into today.
What does it mean to captivate your man? How do you "embody your sexuality" with your husband?
What we cover:
- Why seduction matters to the heart of your man.
- Why seduction indicates the value you feel about your own sexuality.
- What if seduction/sexiness just isn't part of your personality?
- How do you become one that loves what you might have grown up thinking was gross?
- Practical things you can do (today!) that will go a long way to becoming fierce in the bedroom
Interested in going further? Become a woman who has the intimacy you (and he) crave. Sign up for coaching with Belah.
After releasing Episode 56 & 57, I realized the good guys needed an episode. I may have been a bit too harsh on those episodes. So, I have this updated/revised/clarified/contextualized episode to give a bit more grace and kindness to the good guys, looking to love and be loved in sexual intimacy with their wives.
Part 1: You want to captivate your man. Is that even possible, you may ask? Am I captivating?
It was a process for me to move from thinking my sexuality (body + "Ressa") was gross to then accept and embody my sexuality as a gift from God to walk out (exclusively) in my marriage. But as I did, I found my confidence and identity began to shift into a woman who knows her value, who is fiercely aware of the jewel she is...and how that informs and transforms her marriage.
How do you walk this out? How do you become a woman who knows her value and allows that to inform her intimacy? How to make your husband get distracted with fantasies of you, his own wife?
Ultimately this is a God-honoring podcast that moves you closer to him by empowering you to become the woman God designed you to be when he gave you your sexuality.
Specific things discussed:
-What embodying your sexuality DOESN'T mean
-Understanding what your body means to men
-Why our lady parts are ignored
-How lady parts need a new name and identity in your heart
delightyourmarriage.com
If I told you how my husband proposed to me, you would be shocked that I said yes (well I didn't exactly...but that's a different story...).
But that is not the man I have today. Just this past weekend, Mr. Romance, surprised me by making dinner, getting our 2 toddlers ready, packing extra toys to keep them occupied, packing an entire picnic, bringing wine glasses and my favorite bottle of wine... which we enjoyed in the park under the stars.
Stuff like this is pretty normal and I believe The Surrendered Wife (by Laura Doyle) and Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex (by me, Belah Rose) are the two resources that are most significant to this transformation.
If you get the surrendered stuff (Surrendered Wife) and the sex stuff (Delight Your Husband), give it 6 months and you will have an incredible man...I truly believe it.
Author of Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle, is on for the second part of her interview. (I hope you'll listen to the first part to see how sad and broken her marriage was). But, its amazing to see what happened.
Here's some quotes from this show:
"I almost divorced the man of my dreams."
"All control is based in fear. [Because I'm surrendered] I really do feel like I'm a woman of faith now."
"Fear is still going to come up. Make the decision that something else is more important."
Hear more from Laura Doyle:
The Surrendered Wife (Please, please read this!)
Empowered Wife (new name of Kill All the Marriage Counselors book)
getcherished.com
(Part 1)
Her husband didn't want to spend time with her. He was apathetic towards her. He would rather watch television than even make love to her.
Now he can't keep his eyes and hands off her :) Dancing in the kitchen, less stress and glorious compliments are just side benefits.
Laura Doyle's work began a marriage-changing transformation for me.
Laura Doyle, best selling author, speaker and coach.
The book I love the most: The Surrendered Wife (though I'd prefer to call it "How to Stop Stressing and Start Enjoying" or "How to Get Your Husband to Become The Man of Your Dreams")
(If you've listened for a while you'll know I posted this interview over a year ago, but we all need a refresher, so I thought you wouldn't mind if I posted it again!)
Find out more about Laura:
- Lauradoyle.org and getcherished.com
- And PLEASE read Surrendered Wife. I am incredibly grateful that I did! Its a marriage (and man) changer.
delightyourmarriage.com
This is Part 2 of my advice for men who want their wives to enjoy sex more. Though you may feel so hurt that your wife doesn't desire and/or meet your intimacy with joy the way you crave, there is a lot going on for her too.
"Hurt people hurt people". In this podcast, I hope to shed light on things both of you may be going through. And not even realize that you (men) are undermining the very intimacy you seek to encourage.
I hope to help you understand the ways a wife desires to be loved in life and how that directly relates to her experience intimately with you.
Specifically discussed:
-Why she thinks you only want her for sex (and what you can do to change that)
-How you can communicate a man's need for sex in a way that will reach her (rather than repel her)
-Specific things you can do in physical intimacy that will allow her to enjoy intimacy to much greater degree, thus desiring it more
For wives, I want you to know...
My goal for your physical intimacy is that it would get to a level and place to would support your life, but NOT be the focus of it. I want you to be able to relax into the joy of amazing intimacy so it would fuel the pursuits of God's heart. There is much more than sex, it shouldn't be the focus; if you're married, it should support the focus.
delightyourmarriage.com
(Part 1) You may want more sex. You may want her to want you more. You may want her to care more about your drive. Maybe all of the above and a whole lot more...
Well, the biggest barrier women face is insecurity. An insecure wife can't take off her clothes, can't seduce, can't enjoy physical intimacy. But isn't that her problem? Isn't that something she needs to go do, with the guidance of her husband? NO! Please stop pushing/teaching/correcting/criticizing... your wife on sexual things.
It is not helping it is hurting---your cause AND your wife. So today's episode is all about getting you dear husband, to understand 1) your wife's mind 2) her biggest barrier to love making 3) what you can do about it
Why did I have to make this episode? I hear far more from husbands than I do from wives. And it's time I gave these hurting husbands some help. Its not that they don't care about their wives and which is why they treat them this way. Not in the least. It's that they don't feel loved by their wives through sex and they don't know what to do about it. Here's some guidance that I believe will turn things around in your marriage.
This is part 1 in a 2 part series. Second part coming out next week.
If this has blessed you, please share with a friend and leave a review on itunes---here's how (it helps spread the show further).
delightyourmarriage.com
Join in to hear about how Great Sex Starts in the Mind!
My book---Delight Your Husband: A christian wife's manual to passion and confidence in oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage, consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy!
She's currently offering this opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Join in to hear about how Great Sex Starts in the Mind!
My book---Delight Your Husband: A christian wife's manual to passion and confidence in oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage, consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy!
I'm currently offering this opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
You may not realize that you're keeping yourself from him emotionally pains your husband.
Listen in to this except of Delight Your Husband by Belah Rose.
Though our culture says you can "do it all". The truth is life is about trade offs.
We have limits in this life, and in order to ensure those which are off most priority are accomplished, we have to say no to the good to say yes to the best.
Today's topic goes into this in depth. Why does it matter to your marriage?
Physical intimacy, emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy all need to take priority while most others need to take a back seat or no seat at all.
How do you decide that? Lets chat together.
And I also share how I believe God is teaching me these vital lessons and how it affects DYM.
Resources:
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Juana Mikels of choosinghim.com.
Juana shares in Part I the very difficult beginning to her marriage. But she shares in this episode that things still require her to rely on God.
She says she depends on God's grace in her husband to be the leader of her family.
Listen in as she shares insights around what keeps her trusting God and allowing Him to use her even while feeling faithless...God is faithful.
delightyourmarriage.com/143
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Juana Mikels of choosinghim.com.
Juana is a wife and mother of 4; her youngest daughter was born blind.
She shares about her marriage that almost fell apart. Neither were believers when they married.
It's an incredible story of how they were separated for a long time and what God did to bring them back together.
Juana encourages us to honor and cherish the man He has given us.
See all the show notes here: delightyourmarriage.com/142
Hi there! Belah here and it's just me this time. I talk about the taboo topic of Oral Sex.
Yes, we need to start talking about this. And answering questions, like is it: bad? wrong? gross?
And what does it mean to your marriage. And more importantly what does it mean to your husband.
Listen in to hear why I think it is dirty and the change that needs to be made.
You'll probably be surprised at my responses about it.
Check out Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex here, and here's just one of the reviews:
Is your marriage falling apart? Read this book. It will save your marriage. This is my first amazon review. This book is a must to read if your marriage is falling apart. Investing less than $20 can save your marriage and even lift it to another level. I was a sexually very conservative and passive person. I never seduced my husband before.
He was always the one who initiated our intimacy. After my child was born, I intentionally avoided any sexual relationship with him because I was exhausted all the time. I think that was the point when our relationship became shaky.
After a few refusals, he did not even try to touch me anymore. I think my refusal hurt him deeply as a man as well as a human being. We did not talk to each other much. We just talked when we absolutely needed to, primarily about our kid.
I often felt that we were raising our child together but that is it. I felt so lonely, and so did my husband. I felt a huge distance between us. I decided to do something before it is too late or before I decided on a divorce. Fortunately, I came across Belah’s book. Honestly, I needed a lot of courage to initiate intimacy and sexual activity with my husband, but I knew it was my last resort. I took a few of the practical tips the author described in the book.
My husband was pleasantly surprised that I was attempting to seduce him. He seemed to be very happy and treated me differently. He often said, “Delight me.”
That is his way of saying that he wants to have sex with me. Slowly, our relationship has healed. Sex is definitely a love language between a married couple. Read this book if you feel a distance from your partner.
Ever feel like your sex is taken for granted? Ever feel like your sexual desires are not even acknowledged, much less honored?
Today I'm talking about how to approach this and understand where you can take responsibility for receiving sexual respect. And understand how to also respect your husband's sexuality.
delightyourmarriage.com/140
Part 2: Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
But what about when we do get angry, when we do speak and when we don't listen?
Well, lets talk about how to do this better. We can all find healthier ways to process afterwards or avoid from the beginning.
Beth is sharing with us on the second half of her Journey interview how they learned to fight well and what steps and tools they use to make sure their conflicts draw them closer rather than tear them apart.
delightyourmarriage.com/139
Part I: If you've felt insecure about yourself, you know the icky feeling that hangs around and corrodes you from the inside.
In marriage it's lethal, because you and your spouse are trying to put up a facade and it just brings distance. It robs you both of the connectedness you're meant to share.
Today's guest shares how she started out very insecure in her marriage.
Conflict would scare her and she felt that if she were honest with him, he'd reject her.
Their marriage had a rocky journey and she credits God for bringing them through, otherwise she said they'd probably be divorced.
And now they're about to celebrate their 30 year anniversary! Hear how they made it through, and what she's learned.
delightyourmarriage.com/138
What You'll Discover:
- How to surrender to pleasure and feel that entirely
- Learn to feel you deserve to orgasm
- Does it make you feel too sexual?
- Do you feel selfish?
- Do you feel sex is just for him?
- How to have a "Discovery Session" with your husband
- Give yourself permission to learn
- What daily practices you can do that will help in the moment
- What ideas you can try in the bedroom to get there
delightyourmarriage.com/137
Peace is a vital element to the life God wants for us. If you have strife in your marriage, I have been there and I pray this will give you hope and tools to get it turned around. These are the keys I've learned that have made my marriage so much more peaceful than I ever would have imagined.
delightyourmarriage.com/136
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Part 2: What she thought was just a simple surgery from a chest injury turned into a year of serving and fear and all semblance of control being taken.
The threat of her husband’s death and his needing constant help shaped her in ways she didn’t expect.
Julie Dibble has walked a hard road in the most difficult challenge of her marriage.
But she remembers a quote “A great work requires a great and careful training”.
God she believes has trained her through this. But it’s not over and she’s still fighting to be surrendered to God’s plan over her own, every day.
Listen in to find inspiration and hope in the journey ahead.
Discover the show notes and many more resources at delightyourmarriage.com/135
What she thought was just a simple surgery from a chest injury turned into a year of serving and fear and all semblance of control being taken.
The threat of her husband's death and his needing constant help shaped her in ways she didn't expect.
Julie Dibble has walked a hard road in the most difficult challenge of her marriage.
But she remembers a quote "A great work requires a great and careful training".
God she believes has trained her through this. But it's not over and she's still fighting to be surrendered to God's plan over her own, every day.
Listen in to find inspiration and hope in the journey ahead.
delightyourmarriage.com/134
If you've ever felt like you were the only one not experiencing the ecstasies of sex, you are not alone.
I've been there and at least 1/4 of women don't experience orgasm. BUT they can.
And today we're talking about how and tips to get you there.
It is probably a process but there's a lot of information that will help you get there on this show. Listen in.
delightyourmarriage.com/133
- Why is amazing intimacy so important?
- Why should your sex-life be amazing?
- How do you make your sex life as exciting as it's displayed in our culture?
- The biggest barrier for women to amazing intimacy
- Why your attitude matters
- What your attitude means to your him
- Actions to take to become sexually free
- Why it matters to God for you to have an amazing sex life
delightyourmarriage.com/132 for the shownotes
She and her husband teach a class to help husbands understand how to love their wife better.
Here's her practical advice for men in the bedroom. Ruth Buezis helps men understand women's hearts and their bodies and how those interact.
Generally men are expected to be experts in the sex department, but there's so much misinformation and inappropriate stereotypes.
She says that men really do want to know what to do.
She compares the specific equipment of men's bodies with the female genitalia and shares the parallels in sensation and how to use them.
See all the show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/131
Lynn shares in this second half of her interview, about how she healed from the porn addiction of her husband.
She says you can forgive an addict too quickly and she tells us what forgiveness really is.
She talks about how God walked her through the most challenging time in her life and what changed in her as a result.
They survived to 25 years of marriage and it has now become sweet.
She also shares sexual intimacy tips that will help any wife...so listen in!
Check out delightyourmarriage.com/130 for all the shownotes!
A wife who knew something wasn’t right, but she denied that it could be happening in her marriage.
For years, she didn’t acknowledge what she had found out. But what was bottled was actually eroding her sense of sense of self and eventually she felt like she was drowning.
This is the story of a woman who had a healing process to go through after uncovering her husband’s addiction.
Its not an easy journey and one that happens far too often. I’m grateful Lynn Cherry shares her story and I think it will bring you encouragement today.
Learn more about Lynn at lynnmariecherry.com
What You Will Discover
- Why I was given the “gift of anger”
- Because Lynn’s anger was the catalyst of her change
- When “recovery” felt like it was just scraping a gaping wound
- How her husband thought his porn addiction was just affecting him (not her)
- How there were times she wasn’t sure her marriage would survive this
- The 3 pieces of advice she gives women in her situation
Tweetables
- I felt the tangible presence of lust and then the presence of shame.
- They were the gift of life, they gave me my purpose.
- Knowing the truth is the first step to freedom
- Even when you feel you can’t trust your husband, you can trust God.
This is the 3rd installment of our Orgasm Series (click to check out the rest).
For far too many women, orgasm is not a source of pleasure and joy it should be.
Today's show is talking candidly about how to orgasm, what it takes to orgasm, what can disrupt your orgasm and what you should focus on to orgasm.
My guest Keelie Reason gives a great amount of insight and help and you don't want to miss it, listen in!
Find all the shownotes at delightyourmarriage.com/128
What is the purpose of marriage? Many people think its happiness.
Once that purpose is not being fulfilled many marriages fail. Certainly there are times when marriage is wonderfully happy.
But, as every married man and woman knows, there are also times where it is just plain difficult.
Today we have the second half of Kim Olachea's interview where she shares the principle things God taught her through her 37-year marriage.
Find out more about Kim at proverbwise.com
She has lived out the notion that God makes us more holy through our marriage, even when we're not necessarily happy.
Find out all the shownotes at delightyourmarriage.com/127
When you got married, you really didn't know who you were marrying. Maybe you knew some things and probably loved them.
But as time passes you learned more and more. And as time passes some things change.
Illnesses, disorders and disabilities sometimes become reality in marriage.
How do you deal with these challenges together? That is our topic today.
Our guest, Kim Olachea has weathered and helpful insights that I think will give you encouragement in this area.
Find out more about Kim at proverbwise.com
Get all the shownotes at delightyourmarriage.com/126
Today's broadcast is our second in the Orgasm Series and it's a goodie!
We all have preconceived notions around what female orgasm should be.
It may be time to get better and more correct understandings of how it really happens for women.
Sandra Glahn interviewed loads of couples and wives to get the data for her book and has great insights to dismantle those lies that may be holding us back from true pleasure in the bedroom.
Get all the shownotes at delightyourmarriage.com/125
Sometimes life is so hard. Maybe it's your marriage challenges. Maybe it's other things. I'm here to tell you there is still hope. That you are not alone in your situation. God is a God of hope. And the worry, the anxiety, and the gut-wrenching dread are not inevitable, just because you're in the midst of suffering. Today, there is hope. Listen in to hear more.
See all the show notes here: delightyourmarriage.com/124
For Penny, life didn't turn out the way she had planned. Well, her marriage anyway.
When they got married, she didn't really understand that she was a broken person marrying another broken person.
But eventually it became clear to her that the marriage was beyond fixing.
She filed for divorce and her husband agreed. Fast-forward 14 years of heartache and God does something she didn't expect. How can a broken marriage heal?
How can your marriage heal? That's what we're talking about to today. Listen in.
Check out delightyourmarriage.com/123 for the show notes!
Bethany had been married and things were going along fine, but she didn’t feel very connected to her husband on a deep level.
She planned to go on a weekend retreat and she was surprised to find out all that she learned.
She found out that she and her husband communicate differently.
For example, she found out that husbands’ preferred method of communication is sex, while that is not wives’ first preferred method of communication.
This and other generally true understandings gave her the insights she needed to bring her intimacy to a greater level in all areas of her relationship.
See all the show notes here: delightyourmarriage.com/122
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If you enjoyed this episode--I'd so appreciate it if you reviewed and rated the podcast!
Bethany had been married and things were going along fine, but she didn't feel very connected to her husband on a deep level.
She planned to go on a weekend retreat and she was surprised to find out all that she learned.
She found out that she and her husband communicate differently.
For example, she found out that husbands' preferred method of communication is sex, while that is not wives' first preferred method of communication.
This and other generally true understandings gave her the insights she needed to bring her intimacy to a greater level in all areas of her relationship.
Find all the show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/121
This is our first post in the topical series Orgasm. My guest today Julie Sibert from intimacyinmarriage.com talks about how sexual intimacy is a gift from God and that includes orgasm. He wants us to enjoy this gift. There's plenty we can do to get there. If you're a wife and have never experienced this gift, you'll want to give this a listen and try out Julie's suggestions.
Go to delightyourmarriage.com for all the show notes.
We all go through seasons in passion. Sometimes it feels so easy to make love and sometimes its just not. Today I wanted to talk about those seasons that are hard.
Maybe its because of children, stress, or medication but sometimes its hard to make sex a priority in your life. I want you to know how I do it.
I'm in a season currently where it's not the easiest thing and I want to encourage you that you can do it too. There's good fruit on the other side, it's worth it. Listen in.
View all show notes and other articles and resources at delightyourmarriage.com/119
When you're laying in ICU and the doctor says this operation may kill you, there's a lot that might go through your mind.
What Kimberly Rae realized is that what she wanted most is to love God and the people around her, instead of doing the "important" things that seem so relevant in our overbooked, overloaded lives.
Listen in to hear the hard-fought wisdom of a woman who lives these truths on a daily basis as she fights through life with her illness.
She has lots to share on how to strip away the unnecessary and get to the heart of how God wants us to live our lives.
You'll be inspired to love Jesus and the people in your care more, but in a balanced way.
In a way that is more aligned with scripture than the do-everything & be-everything saga that I have fallen into myself too many times.
Find all the show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/116
We live in a hectic time where energy for the people depending on us can easily get to the bottom of our todo list. Especially our husbands.
But how do you prioritize?
How do you make sure when this life is over and done with that you've been who were supposed to be, to the people you were responsible for?
As a wife and mother (of toddlers by the way :) I too feel torn at times. I'm still learning.
But there's been a method that has worked for me and I wanted to share that with you.
Not that you have to adopt all the strategies that are working for me, but that you might be inspired to create your own.
Here's what I do yearly, monthly, weekly and daily to ensure I'm walking the straight and narrow with God before me.
Believe it or not, it's actually given me more rest than ever.
delightyourmarriage.com
If you haven't yet heard part I of Mona's story. I'll catch you up.
She was terribly betrayed by not only her husband but he had an affair with her best friend.
The horror of what she went through penetrated every part of her being.
And then she healed. Somehow, someway Mona has become a wife who says to other despairing couples "there is hope."
Listen in to be transfixed by the story of a woman who walked an incredibly painful road but who has reason to say "you are not alone in your pain, and you can make it too".
delightyourmarriage.com
When Mona was approached by her husband, she couldn't believe her ears.
His unfaithfulness was a complete surprise.
If you had asked her if her marriage could heal from this affair in the beginning she wouldn't have believed it.
But God surprised her with healing that she and her husband now help other couples heal from their brokenness as well.
A powerful story that led to healing she didn't think was possible.
Now she and her husband give hope to other couples walking through journey to healing.
Find out all the show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/113
I have been a wife that thought sex was mostly for the man. And I had to go through a process to change that.
Chris' story is a lot like mine in that respect.
Today she dives deep into why wives can get in this rut and the season she went through to get out.
What You'll Discover:
-
The journey from a reluctant wife to someone who is released in passion
-
Belah's thought process that make you go from
- a-not wanting to make love tonight, to
- b-being turned on and ready to go
-
The stages Chris went through to become a wife who enjoys sex for her own enjoyment
-
Considering what you want your marriage to be like eventually, the advice she would give herself if she could.
delightyourmarriage.com
What You Will Discover:
- How seduction can be so fun and exciting in your marriage-bed.
- The specific steps of seduction and how you can apply it to your intimacy.
- What seduction what means to him (compared to being in the dark with the lights off).
- Why intimacy can feel so much better when you're having an active role.
- How to have confidence in the bedroom.
Watch the free 1st video of the DYH video course, here.
Find all the resources mentioned at delightyourmarriage.com/111
Parenting our kids around sexual realities can feel overwhelming (and scary, if you’re anything like me!)
Well, I hope today’s conversation with Luke Gilkerson, an expert on the topic, will allow you to breathe a sigh of relief as we learn the fundamentals of raising sexually healthy kids.
God gives a lot of insight for us to follow through the Bible and Luke shares with us research that has proven these understandings.
If you know young people or are a parent, this episode is not to be missed. You can play a vital, life-saving role in their lives, listen to find out how.
Find out all the resources we referenced at delightyourmarriage.com/110
How does a wife move from stressed, dissatisfied, & doing too much for him, to a woman who actually enjoys love making?
I talk to expert, Laura Doyle, who is leading a movement of women who started with her own strife-filled marriage.
Now she's enjoying a life filled with joy and peace.
Well, Laura says we’re looking at this whole thing wrong. What if it was easy? What if it started outside the bedroom and what if we enjoyed our whole life more?
What if it honored God more? What if we enjoyed sex, as a result?
Surprising and potentially life-changing insights are in this episode you won't want to miss.
Find all the links and show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/109
My story...
Basically this is a show I wish I had listened to YEARS ago!
We all have ideas of what we'd like our husbands to do. But for many of us we have a very faulty tactic.
Instead of feeling cared for, romanced and cherished, we feel resentful, angry, and alone.
This is my story. How I started in marriage, what changed and what has happened. Now, who my husband has become is quite incredible.
Find the transcript at delightyourmarriage.com/108
PII: We're one flesh but clearly we’re different people. How does that work? The Bible tells us “therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh,” Gen 2:24. How do we do that practically?
We’re listening in to the second half of my interview with Ruth about what it means to let our husband journey alongside us. And be united at the same time.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/107
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/106
“JII” = Journey Interview, Part II
Ever wondered how to encourage him to lead? I continue this conversation next week. Check out my story “How To Get Him To Do What You Want” to hear my rocky journeythat has led to a lot of contentment and even (surprisingly the romance and connection I had hoped).
How often do you look in the mirror and judge what is reflecting back at you? How many times have you said something negative about your body? ...this week?
Or when was the last time you thanked God for designing "His temple” exactly as it is?
In today’s episode, we walk through someone else’s shoes to understand how it could be different. And why God wants it to be different.
Ruth Buezis has a heart for God and sex in marriage. She believes that trusting our beauty and worth matters to our Creator. And the way we feel about ourselves in sex matters to the rest of our lives. She didn’t always feel this way, not even close. Listen in for hope and healing.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/106
“JI” = Journey Interview, Part I
Sometimes even with our best efforts, because of our society it can derail our thought-life. Today’s guests know that all too well. Mordechai and Ilana have 4 children and are observant Jews, in fact Hasidic Jews.
Usually my guests are Christian, but I felt they had such helpful insight for us, that I had to have them on. It’s also incredibly encouraging to hear about the culture in which Jesus came and the background from which Paul wrote his letters.
You might not agree with all that is said and you might not want to include every idea into your lifestyle. But, I deeply believe this conversation will edify you and help you to love God and His gift of Jesus SO much more.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/105
Though I’m mostly talking about purifying your mind regarding sexual thoughts, this is what I would prescribe anyone battling challenging thoughts. I think we don’t talk about purifying our mind enough, especially in regards to sex. I think it may be because of embarrassment or because we think it’s not necessary to address it head on.
Well, this episode, I do. I address exactly what I wish someone had sat me down and explained to me when I struggling so severely with my sexual thoughts. I give you the why, the how and the science behind changing your thought-life towards what God desires.
All the links, resources, general transcript and show notes are available at: delightyourmarriage.com/104
PII: Could it be possible, after the gorgeous ceremony and wonderful party, there could be sexual challenges on the tropical vacation? A story that happens too often, but is not often shared: Kellar gives her perspective on the let-down and challenges they faced after choosing to save sex for marriage. But she also gives a lot of hope and practical guidance for other who desire to live holy before the Lord. What she wish she had known, she shares with you.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/103
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/102
“JII” = Journey Interview, Part II
PI: After yet another heartbreak, culminating in a night of drinking and a miserable morning... made Kellar realize she wasn’t headed in the direction that would be fulfilling. She was ready to get off the rollercoaster of hurt. And God allowed her to take an opportunity to change her life around. Then she made intentional choices and met a man who she began dating and intentionally choosing saving physical intimacy for marriage. Hear her journey and be inspired in your marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/102
Check out Part II (coming out next week) at delightyourmarriage.com/103
“JI” = Journey Interview, Part I
Has the romance died? Is it hard to remember why you fell in love in the first place? Today, we’re talking about how to bring the romance in your marriage back to life. I have date expert, Debi Walter, on to give a myriad of ideas, recommendations and practical steps to get your romance flame burning brightly. It’s vital.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/101
If you're single or married, I believe you'll get a lot out of this episode! How do you fall in love? What should you do WAY before you ever meet someone? How do you make changes that you desire? How do you make sure you'll be a good match for each other? AND how do you find this person? Soup to nuts, here is mindset and practical how-to strategy to truly find the love of your life, for keeps.
All this and more are covered on my solo show today. It's just you and me, helping you get to where you want to be!
Find all the links and show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/100
If you have had sexual sin in your marriage, it's really hard to figure out who to talk to. Not everyone is safe. Today, Jen gets it. Her marriage suffered greatly when her husband’s pornography addiction was revealed. She helps us understand what we need in the midst of the crisis. Who we should be sharing our heart to (and who we shouldn’t). Listen in for hope and healing in this discussion.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/99
PII: When you have been through it, you have been through it. Jenny shares the second half of her interview where she talks about the big terrible things that can happen in marriage, but then what happens as you pick up the pieces of it all. How do you work through intimacy recovering from her sexual addiction? How do you rebuild a life after cancer? What does it look like to rely on God for your daily bread? Jenny is honest and speaks soothing balm to those who need it after the wreckage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/98
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/97
“JII” = Journey Interview, Part II
Jenny knows what it’s like to struggle to stop & recover from sexual addiction, so do I. Today, we break the back of shame (the devil’s #1 tool) and reveal what so many others cover up. Jenny is brave to share a story about sexual addiction that is affecting at least 37% of women. We hear often about the men, but women struggle too. And it’s time we talk about the hope there is for women.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/97
“JI” = Journey Interview, Part I
If you’re not comfortable starting things off in intimacy, this is a discussion you don’t want to miss. Keelie Reason is on a second time to talk about what initiating has meant in her life and how she made a change. We dive into the practical realities of your husband’s sexuality and erections. We also talk about how to dismantle your hesitancy. And give you practical how-tos to get started.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/96
Insecurity steals the good things God desires for us. It can rob us of our God-given calling, a life-giving marriage, and a fulfilling sex life (just to name a few). Confidence is vital, in and out of the bedroom. I think there are a lot of reasons we as women need to learn to be confident. It matters, to ourselves, to our husbands and I believe to God. I’ll share why, and exactly what I think you can do to be more confident.
All the links, resources, general transcript and show notes are available at: delightyourmarriage.com/95
Changes are happening with DYM and I want you to be aware.
Feel free to email me your thoughts at belah at delightyourmarriage . com
PII: 1 in 2 of marriages deal with chronic illness, and most of them are invisible (ie: depression). Kimberly shares what life is like when you’re dealing with constant challenge in your body. She has an incredible heart and really gives us wisdom whether we’re serving a chronically ill spouse or receiving their care. Spoiler alert: There is so much hope in this episode.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/94
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/93
We’ve all been there. You gave all the right hints. Shared all the right stories. And to your utter dismay, he apparently retained absolutely none of it. Well, today we’re breaking down the walls of confusion and hitting you hard with insights you don’t want to miss on exactly what your desire from your spouse, what he desires from you, and how to get what you desire. All of this in the context of biblically solid principles that will leave you inspired to be more like Jesus in your marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/93
PII: When we don’t have a shared vision, everything feels important. It feels vital to win the argument, to get our point across, and to nitpick at the problems in our spouse. But, once we are intentional about envisioning a shared legacy we want to leave, everything comes into proper focus. Kimberly shares how creating goals as a couple has revolutionized the way she and her husband interact with each other. It was one of the biggest turning points in my marriage and continues to ground us as a couple. This episode is not to be missed!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/92
Check out Part I: Dealing With Anger at delightyourmarriage.com/91
PI: If your spouse’s go-to response is anger, it’s not easy. How can you guide the conversation into peace and even encouragement when it has such strong emotions? Or what if you’ve established a pattern of anger and hurt in your marriage? Well, today I have Kimberly to talk about the experience she and her husband went through around anger and how she learned that there specific ways to put your marriage back on track. What can you do to turn the tide?
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/91
Have you been a victim of sexual sin? Porn, infidelity, or even past sin prior to marriage can put a wife into a whirlwind of hurt and pain. Kay understands that heartache, she herself happened upon her husband’s addition 6 years into it. How did she make it through? How could her marriage survive such betrayal? Kay, a trained counselor, gives amazing insights and suggestions for the wife who is hurt and how to move through that hurt into healing. This episode may be the hope you’ve been grasping for.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/90
PII: All of us face severe challenges in this life. And we all will (if we haven’t already) experience grief. God does give the grace to receive comfort through our marriages in the times we need it most. But it isn’t automatic and it needs to be fostered intentionally. This is the second half of my interview with Penny and she shares very practical step by step instructions on how to grow in your emotional intimacy together. She also shares what sexual intimacy is like during grief and how to help yourself and your spouse in the midst of that.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/89
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/88
Though none of us are promised tomorrow, there is so much pain in loss. And when we or someone we love goes through grief it can be so hard to know how to relate. 85% of marriages break apart because of some kind of trauma. Today we hear from Penny who bravely shares her experiences that have helped her to minister to so many hurting, because of what she went through. I encourage you to listen to hear how healing and grace can be part of your story of grief.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/88
We live in a comparison culture, but that is not what God calls us to do in marriage. You have your spouse. Heather talks about discovering who her husband truly is through intentional effort. And discovering who she is and how they tick together as a unit. We all have to refocus our energy on the gifts we received in her husband. Find out how.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/87
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/86
Have you had a desire or a dream that has been delayed? It’s amazing what God wants to do in the times when we’re waiting and the seasons that we don’t have what we’ve set out for. Heather shares the difficulty of her dreams being unattainable right now. The vision for her life is still in her heart but hasn’t happened yet. She shares about a trap we can all get in when we’re discontent and comparing our lives to others. And God wants us to be walking with purpose and contentment in the seasons where we aren’t “there” yet. Listen in and find out how.
Find out more about Heather and their ministry at preengaged.com
Click this special link to get a free course “Beyond "You'll Just Know": 7 Indicators You May Have Found the One!”
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/86
It’s so easy to run away from the hard topics. It’s easy to hide and guard ourselves from our spouses even in intimacy. Melanie shares how God changed her marriage to be one that works through the difficult times and is grateful for how He changes her through them. Sex is vital in the process of growing unified as a spouse and we dive into how to grow in that unity. Listen in to be encouraged regardless of where you are with your marriage, God wants to grow you and your spouse towards Him and towards each other.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/85
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/84
From a wife who saw sex as a chore to a woman who feels free and enjoys frequent intimacy in her marriage. How did she get there? Well, it didn’t happen overnight, but Melanie was able to come to place where her past didn’t define her marriage anymore. And she was shocked to find God wanted her to find freedom in a place she had never known. Listen in to discover how God transformed her heart and made her sexually free.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/84
What does marriage look like after hearing that he doesn’t love you? Well, Amanda’s story will inspire, convict and encourage you to stand with God as you fight for your marriage. How do you do that? It might not be easy, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything. Listen in to hear how God transformed her heart and what her marriage looks like as a result. Become one that stands for what God wants for you.
This is Part II of my interview with Amanda Taylor of mendourmarriage.com. Listen to Part I (Episode 82) or delightyourmarriage.com/82
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/83
Amanda sat at the table in disbelief as her husband said the words she never thought she’d hear. He shared that he was no longer in love with her. “This is the man I had trusted with everything. I never once doubted his loyalty.” But through this horror, God surprised her and changed her and her marriage in ways she never would have expected.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/82
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Keelie Reason of lovehopeadventure.com. Keelie shares how important it is to have mentors in your life and surrounding your marriage to help guide you. When you’re intentional about your friendships they can mean the world to your marital health. Listen in as Keelie shares about her keys to marital success and how important it was watching and learning from her own parents doing marriage everyday.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/81
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/80
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Keelie Reason with lovehopeadventure.com. Have you had those times in your marriage where you feel kind of stuck? Maybe its because of external circumstances, but it just doesn’t seem to be working like it used to. Well, Keelie shares about a season in her life that caused her to have to figure out who she is and stop relying on her husband’s career for her identity. Find out how they moved through the most difficult season of their marriage and what she learned through it.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/80
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Larry Hagner of gooddadproject.com. After Larry shared such a moving story in his Part I, he shares why his marriage is strong in the midst of challenges. Communication is the foundation of a healthy marriage: communication with God and each other. But communication is more of a skill, but it isn’t hard. It just requires action and Larry walks us through how to do it.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:delightyourmarriage.com/79
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/78
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Larry Hagner with gooddadproject.com. Larry has a heart for fatherhood and he knows how important his marriage is as the foundation of his family. Larry shares a very personal story about his family. When he and his wife were pregnant with their fourth child they found out some distressing news about their child. This launched the two into very challenging next weeks onto what to do for their baby. Larry shares what he learned and how God has been faithful throughout.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/78
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Dr. Corey Allen to talk about a difficult issue that is happening in at least 25% of marriages. Dr. Allen talks about the medical and mental obstacles that men may need to move past in order to have a healthy and enjoyable sex life. He gives practical ideas on how to boost intimacy with your husband of any drive. I also share a little inspirational Christmas & New Years message & update for you at the end.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/77
Check out Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife’s manual to passion, confidence & oral sex by Belah Rose gum.co/dyhbook
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Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Juana Mikels of choosinghim.com. Juana shares in Part I the very difficult beginning to her marriage. But she shares in this episode that things in her marriage still require her to rely on God. She says she depends on God's grace in her husband to be the leader of her family. Listen in as she shares insights around what keeps her trusting God and allowing Him to use her even while feeling faithless...God is faithful.
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/75
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Juana Mikels of choosinghim.com. Juana is a wife and mother of 4; her youngest daughter was born blind. She shares about her marriage that almost fell apart. Neither were believers when they married. It’s an incredible story of how they were separated for a long time and what God did to bring them back together. Juana encourages us to honor and cherish the man He has given us.
For all the shownotes visit us: delightyourmarriage.com/75
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Tony Ingrassia of powerofpurity.org. Tony had an incredibly challenging childhood and first years of marriage. You can hear in Part I the pain his wife and he endured. Now you can hear what happened through God’s grace to their marriage. What principle things God has taught Tony along the way.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:delightyourmarriage.com/74
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/73
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Tony Ingrassia of powerofpurity.org. Tony is incredibly brave to share his story. He describes the importance of understanding your sexual journey and how it affects who you are today. He happened upon his father’s pornography as a kid, was abused as a young man which led into adulterous affairs when he was unhappily married. Tony shares the hope found in our saviour and how God can take the horrible parts of our lives and resurrect into new life.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/73
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Jay Dee of sexwithinmarriage.com. It’s so easy to slip into a habit of ho-hum intimacy. But Jay says you’re robbing yourself and your husband of the wonderful experience sex is meant to be. He talks about how to become more engaged as a wife and why being engaged is even important. How can a man speak to this? Well, he answers that too! This is a journey but there are plenty of keys here to get started.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/72
Get "Becoming More Sexually Engaged for Christian Wives" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/72 and receive a significant discount for a limited time!
Join our joint webinar coming up: delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Kay Bruner of kaybruner.com. On this episode, she talks about how her marriage looks like now. She reminds us to stop trying so hard and to just let go. Kay also shares how she stopped worrying about every single thing and tells us that God is always there for us; He will never forsake us. Kay also shares about the time when she wasn’t that open to the blessings of God, thinking that she can handle everything on her own. But the truth is, we all need his grace. We just have to be more gracious toward Him.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/71
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/70
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Kay Bruner of kaybruner.com. Kay was a former missionary and had been to other parts of the world, sharing the Word of God. On this episode, Kay tells us about the struggles she and her husband went through in their relationship. She talks openly about her husband’s past porn addiction and how she felt devastated when she learned of this. She became severely depressed and anxious, to the point that she couldn’t move! Kay also shares about what it was like to transition back into the United States, with no church. She has an amazing story to tell, and I do urge you to listen to this interview, as I’m sure it will touch your heart.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/70
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I'm doing a solo show and I'll be talking about sex, as we often do. How much sex is enough? On this episode, I talk about the purpose of sex, the difference in perception of sex in men and women, and how to care for your spouse's desires. I also share about the effects of the absence of sex in my own life due to some recent medical issues, which made me realize how sexual intimacy is a deeper, more emotional experience for our husbands.
Sign up for my upcoming FREE webinar Specifics of Amazing Peni: Master the Four Stages and the Mindset for an Amazing Experience by going to www.delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with J Parker of solideogloriasisterhood.com. This time, Jen tells us how her marriage looks like today, after all the struggles, after all the pain and suffering. She talks about moving on to create a happier life, knowing that there is something good at the end. Jen shares that marriage requires teamwork, and that it should always be the two of you. Also, don’t miss her intimacy tips!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/68
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/67
Check out my video series How To Spice Up The Bedroom!
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Jen Ferguson of solideogloriasisterhood.com. On this episode, she talks about how porn created friction between her and her husband and made her doubt herself. Jen also discussed how she tried very hard to manipulate and control everything, but she learned to let go later on. And because she had loosened up, she was able to help fix her husband’s porn addiction because she understood more, because she took a step back and saw the entire picture. Together, Jen and her husband fought against porn addiction and for their marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/67
Get my video series: How To Spice Up The Bedroom!
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Sheila Wray Gregoire of tolovehonorandvacuum.com. On this episode, she talks about how being nice doesn’t necessarily equate with being good and spiritual, and vice versa. She tells us about the importance of being emotionally connected and stepping outside your normal roles as man and wife. Sheila suggests having “his and her” nights! What are they? Join us on this chat and learn this amazing trick to spice up your marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/66
Get my video series: How To Spice Up The Bedroom!
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with J Parker of hotholyhumorous.com. On this episode, she talks more about opening up oneself to intimacy. She tells us to awaken love within us, so that we may be able to enjoy sex more. J also gives out tips on how to increase pleasure during sex. She stresses the importance of speaking up and asking for what you want and need during lovemaking, but that’s just the beginning of her sizzling advice!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/65
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/064
Check out my video series How To Spice Up The Bedroom!
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me J Parker of hotholyhumorous.com. She was one of my very first guests here on the Delight Your Marriage podcast, and I am so glad that she is back for another episode. J emphasizes the importance of sex and tells us why it is something that we should all be enjoying in our marriage. She gives us tips and advice, from prepping your mind to setting the mood for intimacy. It’s a fantastic episode, you’ll definitely learn a lot! So listen in and be inspired.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/064
Get my video series: How To Spice Up The Bedroom!
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Sara, a DYM listener. On this episode, she shares valuable tips and advice about how to treat your husband, about intimacy, and about prayer. Sara emphasizes on respect and how changing her attitude has driven her and her husband to become best friends. She also stresses the importance of being present in the bedroom, of actually desiring to be with your husband, to want to fulfill his desires. Don’t miss her insights about oral sex and her tips for intimacy. Hint: It has something to do with Cadillacs and coconut oil! Curious? Listen in!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/63
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/62
Receive a 3-Part Video Series from me, Belah, called How To Spice Up The Bedroom to delightyourmarriage.com/video
Special announcement: No DYM podcast next week so you can enjoy the video series!
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Sara. She is a Delight Your Marriage podcast listener, and she reached out to me to share to everyone, to all you listeners, her marital journey. She has gone through ups and downs; she has felt pain and overcome it as well. Sara talks about how she realized that by showing respect to her husband, she ultimately turned their marriage around and saving it. Listen in as Sara tells us what it means to respect your spouse, and how it can greatly affect your relationship.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/62
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Laura Doyle of lauradoyle.org. On this episode, she gives us a picture of how her marriage looks like now, after letting go of the fear and learning from her own mistakes. Laura talks specifically about makings sex about you---say what you want to get what you want for pleasure. And she tells us that if words seems to be awkward in the bedroom, then whisper to your husband somewhere else and make him paint a picture of your intimacy in his head. It’s a total win-win!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/61
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/60
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Laura Doyle of the surrenderedwife.com. Laura is an amazing wife who has gone through a lot of lessons in her married life; lessons which taught her to be strong and steadfast, all done with faith in the Lord. On this episode, she talks about the beginning stages of her marriage and how she realized that she had been doing it wrong. Laura shares to us how important it is to let go and just be more aware of the relationship, to not be afraid to speak up, and to focus on a pleasurable and more passionate intimate marriage. She tells us about how her being controlling drove her husband to become distant, and that once she decided to stop complaining and started working on her flaws, she eventually enjoyed the fruits of a delightful and pleasure-filled marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/60
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Gaye Christmus of calmhealthysexy.com. On this episode, she digs deeper into why relationships tend to turn stale whenever the hustle and bustle of childrearing and work and all those things that keep us busy, die down. She emphasizes on making time, freeing up your calendar for things like going on date nights with your husband and basically just talking and engaging with each other. Gaye tells us not to be afraid of taking things slow. Deal with things, talk openly about sex, be more intentional in your commitment as a spouse---these are the key points on this interview that you would not want to miss!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/59
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/58
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Gaye Christmus of calmhealthysexy.com. This episode is such a refreshing and eye-opening conversation between Gaye and I about the differences in perception of sex and sexual responses among men and women. She helps us understand the process, which she had to go through herself, of learning that culture’s dictation of sex is from a male’s perspective. She also is firm in her belief that if we only let God lead us and if we are willing to follow, He will bring us to where we ought to be. Listen in and join us as Gaye also gives out helpful advice on how to work difficult things out in your marriage. We can get through it; it’s part of God’s plan!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/58
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Debi Walter of theromanticvineyard.com. On this episode, she looks back at the hardships she had gone through in all the 30-plus years of her marriage to husband Tom, including the pain of letting go of her children as they grow up and live their own lives. It’s inspiring how when she talks about these hardships, she is careful to note that all we go through, all struggles and pain and heartaches, are there for a reason. And that there is a lesson behind each hardship, and it’s important that we realize that. Debi has got a lot of stories to tell, and you really shouldn’t miss out. In her stories, there is a valuable takeaway that could all get! So join us on this chat and be inspired!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/57
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/56
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Debi Walters of theromanticvineyard.com. She and her husband have been helping other married couples get through their marital struggles. On this episode, she talks about something that we all are at risk of doing. It is dishing out criticism to our spouses. Debi shares her painful experience of having to go through an entire year of a rocky relationship because of a comment that she made toward her husband; a comment which caused him pain and which affected their relationship greatly. She tells us on this interview how to own up to your mistakes and how to get through these challenges, with the help of God and his Word.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/56
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Dr. Corey Allen of simplemarriage.net and the Sexy Marriage Radio pocast. We are back with a more interesting conversation on intimacy. On this episode, he goes takes us into lots of serious stuff---he talks about premature and delayed ejaculation, femininity and masculinity, and the importance of learning the human anatomy! You’ve got to get to know your spouse’s body! Listen in as he gives out tips and advice that will surely up your bedroom game.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/55
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/54
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Dr. Corey Allen of the Sexy Marriage Radio podcast.On this episode, we discuss a refreshing male perspective into the intricacies of sex in marriage. What exactly do men think when they are engaging in intimacy? How is sex considered a responsibility? Join us as Dr. Corey Allen digs deep into the reasons behind why your spouse might be rejecting you. He also gives quite an eye-opening stance on sex and how what we do in everyday life relates to how we act in the bedroom, and vice versa. You surely wouldn’t want to miss this episode!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/54
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. It’s just me today. And I will be talking about one of the most important, yet oftentimes frowned-upon, aspect of marital intimacy: oral sex. I have previously tackled the issue of oral sex and whether or not it is dirty or sinful in episode 14. That was where I first coined the term peni, as a sort of euphemism for oral sex. My dear listeners, it is important that we pay attention to your husband’s high priority needs, and guess what… Peni is one of them! On this episode, I discuss, point by point, the importance of peni in your marriage and how it affects your relationship in general. Listen in and let’s work together to bring delight into each of our marriages!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/53
Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Jenna. On this episode, she talks to me about how she and her husband got through the struggles they experienced, including the falling of their child into the claws of drug and alcohol addiction. Jenna emphasizes on putting God in the center of your marriage and the importance of humor too. As a wife of 30-plus years, Jenna has lived through the intimacy issues that are being faced by most women---and she couldn’t be more clear: intimacy changes as you age. It’s a reality, but something can be done about that. Listen in as she gives her tips and advice on how to keep intimacy interesting, fun, and comfortable for you and your husband.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/52
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/51
Want to deepen intimacy? Looking to move past your barriers getting in the way? Sign up now for a FREE Strategy Session with Belah to see if you're a good fit for 1:1 Coaching directly with Belah! Email belah@delightyourmarriage.com before July 31, 2015!
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Jenna, a friend of mine who is a wife and a mother. She has some inspiring stories, from her past experiences during childhood, living in a home where the mother always felt the need to be in control; to how it affected her own marriage; and most especially, her struggle as a mother seeing her child succumb to the evils of alcohol and drug addiction. She also uses the parable of the Prodigal Son to effectively relate to our own children getting lost and waiting for them to come back instead of rescuing them over and over again. Listen in as Jenna shares with us her heartfelt advice on letting go and being ready to forgive when it is time.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/51
Want to deepen intimacy? Looking to move past your barriers getting in the way? Sign up now for a FREE Strategy Session with Belah to see if you're a good fit for 1:1 Coaching directly with Belah! Email belah@delightyourmarriage.com before July 31, 2015!
Hi there! Belah here. Today is a solo show I made because I felt it was time that I share a piece of my mind about how sex relates to God. On this episode, I give out 10 points on how sex actually teaches us about God and what he tells us through scripture. I believe that sex is a metaphor to marriage, and it is vital between husbands and wives. Join me and open your minds so you may see and understand clearly how sex can teach us a lot about God. Have a blessed day!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/50
Want to deepen intimacy? Looking to move past your barriers getting in the way? Sign up now for a FREE Strategy Session with Belah to see if you're a good fit for 1:1 Coaching directly with Belah! Email belah@delightyourmarriage.com before July 31, 2015!
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Dr. Sandra Glahn of aspire2.com. On this episode, she talks about her own marriage and the difficulties she face, as well as how she handled these problems. Dr. Glahn discusses about the theological bases of marriages and how everyone’s belief can be skewed at times. She tells us what exactly marriage means---to you, to me, and to God Himself. Join us on this eye-opening and inspiring episode today!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/49
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/48
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Dr. Sandra Glahn, the author of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. On this episode, she dives into the most difficult struggle she had to face in her life and in her marriage: infertility. It’s amazing how she has thought through and processed this struggle, and I want you all to listen in so that you too can understand that life doesn’t stop at the road block. This interview is very inspiring, uplifting, and spiritually fulfilling. Listen in!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/48
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Sheila Gregoire of tolovehonorandvacuum.com. On this episode, she shares quite a useful and life-changing tip in boosting the pleasure when engaging in sexual intimacy with your husband. It’s something you wouldn’t want to miss! She also shares about the top three things that have kept her marriage delightful and happy throughout the years. Sheila is a very inspiring speaker and on this interview, she shares how you can turn your marriage into something wonderful, if only you put your mind into it. Listen in and enjoy!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/47
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/46
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Sheila Gregoire---speaker, author, and blogger behind tolovehonorandvacuum.com. On this episode, she gives us such a wonderful insight about how different a man and a woman can be when it comes to sex, or wanting sex, that is. Generally, she discusses how women react to certain things men do, and vice versa. As someone who has gone through some difficult times in her married life, she offers great advice for wives to stop feeling used or rejected! She does not only share about how a woman thinks, but she also digs into why our husbands could probably lose interest in sex when he becomes engrossed in pornography. Listen in and be inspired! It’s an episode filled with insights you wouldn’t want to miss!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/46
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of Trista Laborn of a Purpose Driven Wife. Trista shares the challenges she goes through every day, being apart from her husband, who is deployed in a different country most of the time. She admits that it’s definitely not easy, but she makes do of what she has by always keeping the fire burning despite the distance. Listen in as Trista shares some really awesome tips on how to maintain your intimate relationship even when you are miles away from your honey!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/45
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/44
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Trista Laborn of A Purpose Driven Wife. On this episode, Trista talks about how she got pregnant at such a young age and feeling lost due to the mistakes she made. She tells us how she felt like her entire life was just ruined and that she no longer had a future. But she found God, and everything changed for the better. She got married, finished her degree, set up a business, and just got her life on track. Trista encourages women in the same ordeal to just hold on and tells them that everything IS going to be okay. She believes that God has a plan for all of us, and His plans are made regardless of our past mistakes. This episode is just so uplifting, so listen in and be inspired!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/44
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Wanda Collins of Christian Marriage Today. Wanda takes us in to the brighter side of her marriage and shares with the us the chief ingredients that have made her marriage bloom and grow. Listen in as she gives encouraging advice to women who are in doubt and continue to entertain negative thoughts. This is for you! At the the end of the episode, Wanda delivers a powerful prayer that will definitely touch your hearts! I know it touched mine. Join us and be inspired.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/43
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/42
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Wanda Collins of Christian Marriage Today, and she talks about her struggles as a wife in the early stages of their marriage. On this episode, she tackles the sensitive issue of infidelity and how she dealt with the pain brought about by her personal experience with it. She tells us how God is essential in any marriage, especially when faced with circumstances that don’t always seem to be pleasant. She hands out tips to anyone who has gone through infidelity issues in their marriage and to those who haven’t but might be scared to go through the same. It’s so powerful how Wanda uses the scripture and God’s Word to relate on how she reacted when she found out; and it’s so inspiring and encouraging to hear her talk about the strength she had, which wasn’t her own, but that of our Lord.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:http://delightyourmarriage.com/42
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him Wild For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love And Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi, it's Belah and this is the 3rd part of my chat with Luke Gilkerson, covenanteyes.com
We discuss if sex is a need or a desire and the implications that has on both men and women. Listen in!
Part I: delightyourmarriage.com/39
PartII: delightyourmarriage.com/40
PartIII: delightyourmarriage.com/41
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Luke Gilkerson of covenanteyes.com. On this episode, Luke talks about makes about man . . . well, manly. This interview is jam-packed with powerful insights and filled with inspiration for both husbands and wives. Luke dives into what the scripture tells us about pornography, masturbation, and being a man---in its core. Listen in as he discusses the issues facing young boys and men alike, the trauma and struggle they go through when they become enslaved to pornography. Also a bonus toward the end of the episode, Luke and I go back and forth about the philosophical aspect of sex, marriage, and life in general. This is one episode you definitely don’t want to miss!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/40
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/39
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him Wild For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love And Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Luke Gilkerson of covenanteyes.com. First off, Luke talks about how he “fights the evils of pornography” every day for a living. He talks about how this massive industry has alarmingly invaded our homes and polluted the minds of our spouses, friends, and even our children. Luke also discusses about masturbation in children and whether or not this is an okay thing to happen. Listen in as he explains why masturbation happens and what our children are thinking when performing this act. Do they do it willfully or not? Is masturbation an act of immorality? He also openly shares some tips on how to react to the situation, how to manage your children so that they may be free from this act, and what the scripture says about masturbation.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/40
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him Wild For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love And Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Shae Bynes of aholythreesome.com and the Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur podcast. In this episode, Shae dives deeper into how communication with the Lord and with each other positively affects the marriage. She tells of her story, on how God talks to her and helps her get through everyday challenges, especially those that concern her marriage. Shae delivers such inspiring wisdom that we could all use in delighting our own marriages. She gives valuable tips on how to enrich your sexual intimacy and shares the practices she has been doing with her husband that have made their marriage sweeter and sweeter each year.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/38
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/37
Join me on my next webinar "Make Him Wild For You: The 5 Secrets To Receive Love & Passion In God's Plan" delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Shae Bynes, the woman (along with her husband) behind aholythreesome.com. She talks about unconditional love and how a marriage is made of three: you, your husband, and the lover of your souls---God. Shae believes that God should be the center of your marriage and should be part of all aspects of your marriage, especially the bedroom. Shae shares about the difficulties they had in their marriage and how they managed to work through their issues as a team---a team of three. Listen to Shae’s story and be inspired by her refreshing insight and how you, too, could enjoy the holiness of sexual intimacy in marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/37
Join me on my next webinar "Make Him Wild For You: The 5 Secrets To Receive Love & Passion In God's Plan" delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Dr. Jessica McCleese of enhancingthedance.com where she mainly talks about the wonders of the female orgam, how it works, and why it is the way it is. You might think that something is off whenever you don’t feel like engaging in the act of sexual intimacy with your husband, but there’s actually nothing to worry about because that’s completely normal, according to this psychologist and sex therapist. She discusses the reasons on this episode! Join us as she shares helpful tips and tricks that could be helpful in delighting your marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/36
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/35
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Love Him MOST” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Dr. Jessica McCleese, of enhancingthedance.com a psychologist, sex therapist, and studying Christian sex educator who focuses on helping Christian couples improve intimacy in their marriage. In this episode, first how she has battled the pain of infertility. Then, she shares how she had gone through so much sexual abuse in her teen years and how this past experience has led her to become a withdrawn wife in the bedroom. She talks about how she always felt used during sex, and even throughout the marriage. You can beat the past too and become whole again after sexual abuse. Dr. McCleese tells us that it’s not the end, and we can keep moving forward because that is what God wants us to do---to move on and delight in the marriage he has blessed us with. Listen in as Dr. McCleese shares her tips and advices in overcoming your past and understanding that there is indeed life after sexual abuse.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/35
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. It’s just me talking about the biggest issue I see in marriages, in husbands and in wives. We gravely misunderstand eachother. With my background in philosophy, feminist epistemology, sociology, anthropology, feminism and a wife who suffered many kids of abuse in her first marriage… I believe I bring a unique perspective to this topic.
Find out why he keeps asking and what it really means. Also find out why she isn’t as generous as you think she “should”. Its a grave misunderstanding and it’s time to clear this up!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/34
Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
My husband was on the last webinar and said “you have to let husbands listen in too, you think like a man but with a woman’s voice”. So, husbands are now welcome to listen in!
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Dr. Nina Burrowes, a psychologist and researcher studying sexual abuse victims and abusers. Dr. Burrowes gives brilliant insights on the intricate patterns of sexual abuse and the sad realities of our society. She talks about the biggest reasons victims are not reporting their abusers. We also dive into how offenders can be someone whom you wouldn't expect. She shares powerful insights about the physiological and psychological effects of sexual abuse and why it’s important to understand these reactions. She ends with hope for the future and practical steps we can take to protect and heal.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/33
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Make Him Wild For YOU!” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have part II of Karen’s amazing journey through and after abuse in her childhood. And how she survived the horrific events of finding out her daughter’s sexual abuse. She talks more about how she handled the struggles she had as a child and how she made it through depression anxiety attacks which affected her life and especially the intimacy in her marriage. She talks about commitment, trust, honesty, and most of all, forgiveness. And how it has helped her heal and be more open. Listen in as she shares powerful and inspiring words that would definitely help steer you toward the right direction in your married lives.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/32
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/31
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Love Him MOST” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Karen, a DYM listener who bravely shares her heartbreaking---yet very enlightening---story. She talks about her own struggles with anxiety and depression and thoughts of taking her own life due to abusive experiences from childhood. She shares about the more recent issues of sexual abuse that has ravaged her family. Not only did these affect her individually, but they have also taken a toll on her marriage. She tells about how the frustration and emotional torment affected the intimacy in her marriage. Listen as Karen takes us deep into how common sexual abuse is and how victims have been silent under a blanket of shame. Karen urges everyone to keep an seek help from trustworthy people who can help and support you.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/31
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Love Him MOST” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Brad and Kate from onefleshmarriage.com. In this episode, this godly couple talks about how they were able to overcome struggles in marriage, through opening up to each other. They share a most inspiring story of how they arrived at a better place in their marriage with three central things that you too could use in your own marriages. Join us as we tackle the intimacy hardships faced by married couples, new and old, and as we unwrap helpful tips to take yourselves out of the darkness and bring your marriage into the light.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/30
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/29
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Love Him MOST” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Brad and Kate of onefleshmarriage.com. Together they bring us into the first few years of their marriage when they were too distracted by everyday life and it greatly affected their intimacy. Kate opens up about how it was tough for her to switch gears, from being a full-time mother and homemaker to being a wife who desires her husband. Brad pitches in about how he was too busy making a living for his family that he neglected his wife’s emotions and failed to understand her needs as a woman. Listen in as this godly couple takes us on a journey with their helpful tips and advice on how to vanquish selfishness in marriage and be more present in the relationship, especially during sexual intimacy.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/29
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Love Him MOST” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Julie Sibert of intimacyinmarriage.com. Julie talks more about how to nurture your sexual intimacy by intentional habits and letting your spouse know exactly what you want in the bedroom. Hear her speak about how to get past the past, it’s okay to let your guard down, and drown out the insecurities. Listen to her tips on how to be proactive in the bedroom and shares the three chief things that are central to marital success.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/28
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/27
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Love Him MOST” (and receive my free guide!) delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Julie Sibert of intimacyinmarriage.com. Julie is a wife and mother to 2 boys and is passionate about creating a long-lasting marriage with sexual intimacy as a big part of it. She believes that marriage is to be enjoyed by two "grown ups" who are in love and have the desire for each other. Listen as Julie shares her experiences with her past relationship and how she has come to realize that sexual intimacy, alongside friendship and faith, is a major part of married life and should be nurtured and taken care of. Join in as Julie tells us how she keeps track of “healthy” relationship habits that will surely affect your marriage positively.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/27
Sign up for my live, free online training: “How To Love Him MOST” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Part II of my interview with founder of Covenant Spice. She talks about how she and her husband has made their marriage a priority, right after God and even before their children. Listen as she shares about the importance of resolving problems when they are still at the beginning stages, growing connection with your husband, and knowing each other’s limits. She tells us a refreshing story about just having fun with your hubby and how her business has served as their ministry that reaches out to others who struggle with the same intimacy issues.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/26
Or go directly to Covenant Spice to spice up your intimacy!
Sign up for my free, live online training: “How To Love Him MOST” delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
I would be honored if you have agreed (even if only with parts of DYM) or have been interested to hear the true heart behind it....
I have tried to be as honest as possible here. (There may be areas that-- I can't see currently, that were dishonest--but I tried!)
I didn't listen to this again before uploading it. I plan not to listen to it, (but maybe I will when I need help getting refocused on what I think is God's heart is for DYM). I would be honored if you at some point were able to listen (though beware: my vulnerable heart is revealed in it).
I do sincerely ask that you would choose wisdom if you have feedback for me--or want to talk about this to others--as Jame 3:17 says: "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."
Thanks and love,
Belah
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have founder of Covenant Spice talking about her married life and how intimacy changed when she opened herself up to really enjoying it. She and her husband founded Covenant Spice, an online shop featuring intimacy products for married Christian couples. She shares about her wildly conservative upbringing and how it has required a journey through the Bible and discover that there’s a lot more to enjoy than she thought! Listen in as she talks about how it is perfectly okay for a married couple to use more interesting means and make sex exciting for you both!
Shop at the adult toy store here and receive free shipping for this week! Just type in the coupon code: delight (Offer ends 5/5/15)
Or go directly to Covenant Spice to spice up your intimacy!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/25
If you’re interested in joining the free, LIVE training “How To Love Him MOST” sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there, Belah here. Today is a BONUS (Friday) episode: Part III of Annie Lobert, hookersforjesus.net, and she shares her best intimacy tips for husbands and wives! Tips for how you can turn on your wife tonight. And for the ladies: how you can understand your husband at a whole other level! The underlines the truth that there is hope for your marriage. And I deliver a challenge at the end that I hope you and your spouse pays attention to. I believe God wants to do some incredible things in your marriage and this world. Listen in!
Find all the show notes and resources at delightyourmarriage.com/24
Challenge links:
For men: Delightyourmarriage.com/dignity
For women: Delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of Annie Lobert, hookersforjesus.net, talks about how one can leave the sex addictions whether it is or inappropriate fantasies, porn, and using call girls. Its so sad but a reality and it is important to understand and be ready to resist. God cares about every person struggling in this sin and He wants to give you hope and inspiration to fight against this significant struggle.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/23
Sign up for my free, live training and receive my FREE guide! delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have Annie Lobert of hookersforjesus.net talking about her story from being coerced and abused in the sex industry. She has been through horrifying experiences, where she was beaten into submission by her then boyfriend who ended up controlling her as a pimp for years and how she was raped at gunpoint multiple times. Since her amazing transformation, she has now been married to an awesome man for 6 years and has 3 step-children, she shares hope in the midst of so much brokenness.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/22
Sign Up for my free, live Online Training (for wives only!) at delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have with me Dr. Joel Kahn of drjoelkahn.com and author of The Whole Heart Solution. Dr. Kahn is practicing medical doctor who specializes in cardiology and gives quick, but important keys to support your sexual health. He gives pointers on how to achieve a better lifestyle to support a great sex life, and how wives can support their husbands in this journey toward optimal health. Listen as he explains practical insights on making your health work in the bedroom!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/21
If you’re interested in joining the free, LIVE training “How To Love Him MOST” go to delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. It’s just me today, and I will be talking about the vulnerable issue in my life: my struggle with body image and how it has affected my life in general. Every day we are faced with the “standards of beauty.” We are bombarded with skinny women on the covers of glossy magazines, in ads---everywhere we look. It’s about time that we take a look at ourselves a different way; be proud of who we are and for what we are. The body is just a vessel; the soul is the real deal. You are more than your weight. Listen in as I talk about how I struggled with eating disorders, growing up with the teasing, going into a marriage with my insecurities, and how I slowly overcame all these with some steps that you, too, could use in your own lives.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/20
If you’re interested in joining the free, LIVE training “How To Love Him MOST” go to delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Part II of my interview with Chris Taylor. Chris shares bravely about how serving her husband (at first just to fill his need) has become an incredible place of joy for her as well! Chris is a self-proclaimed feminist (as am I), and she says it’s important for a wife to serve him in the bedroom. She shares the hard work she’s put into improving their marriage, including how she used “stealth growth opportunities” on her husband every chance she got. Listen as she explains how it’s absolutely alright to let loose and be vulnerable; and that in those vulnerable moments, the most tremendous spiritual aspects of intimacy come into play.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/19
If you’re interested in joining the free, LIVE training “How To Love Him MOST” go to delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Chris Taylor of forgivenwife.com shares the struggles that began with two decades of incredibly sparse intimacy. Sex was something she didn’t enjoy because of her guilt due to a promiscuous past. Listen to the pain that’s so evident as Chris shares how sex began to transform her marriage. Though it was a difficult road of humility and change in herself and in her marriage. Sex drew her closer to her husband and God.
All the shownotes and resources can be found at delightyourmarriage.com/18
Sign up for the free, live training about Peni (marital oral sex) happening tonight at 8pm! delightyourmarriage.com/14
Hi there! Belah here. This is Part II of my talk with Bonny about her story. Bonny Logsdon Burns of oysterbed7.com made a choice to fight for her marriage. She grew and learned about what her husband needed her to be as a wife. Be a warrior in the bedroom and learn how to increase your sex drive too!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/17
The FREE webinar is coming up soon! Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/peniwebinar
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Bonny talking about her story. Bonny of oysterbed7.com has been married for 20+ years. Her story is about God’s redeeming power of something that could have broke them. Bonny was raising 3 kiddos almost single-handedly when she learned of a secret that caused her so much pain.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/16
& Sign Up for free webinar Specifics of Amazing Peni (aka oral sex; Wives only!) delightyourmarriage.com/peniwebinar
Hi there! Belah here. Finances are the #1 cause for divorce, find out how this marriage survived even having the electricity cut off and not enough gas to drive to church. Today I have Valerie on the show to talk about her marital story. Like all of us, she experienced tough times financially. She shared how hanging tight to God was the best thing she could do for her marriage. Listen in!
Check out all the shownotes at delightyourmarriage.com/15.
Sign Up for FREE webinar "Specifics of Amazing Peni" at delightyourmarriage.com/14
Hi there! Belah here. This is Part II of my interview with Ginny Hannan who shares the habit that she and her husband have developed to make their fights way easier. She also gives some great ideas about having fun in intimacy and just generally lightening up about life’s challenges. I give a little insight into how to choose joy even in the midst of challenges.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/13
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Ginny here, who shares a heart wrenching story of the challenges she faced when her adopted daughters came home from Colombia. She struggled with serious depression and considered ending her life, but God made a way out. She shares how we can fight depression before it takes hold. It will inspire and challenge you.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/12
Plus receive my guide "8 Secrets to Enjoy Love Making & Staying Present!" for free at delightyourmarriage.com
Hi there! Belah here. Today my guest is Carrie from theintimatecouple.com. She gives the second half of her interview. Check out Part I "DYM Episode 10: Orgasm Difficulties Revealed".
Carrie talks about the secrets to success in her marriage as well as some steamy sex tips (that have already helped me!) Carrie is incredibly brave and shares the details that will certainly support your marriage.
Check out all the shownotes at delightyourmarriage.com/11
Hi, Belah here.
Today my guest is Carrie of Intimate Couple. She grew up without any education about sex. She didn't know what an orgasm was until she was married. She shares how she moved past these struggles and how to teach your kids the right way about sex. Maybe she wouldn't have had difficulty with orgasm had she been taught the right way.
http://delightyourmarriage.com/10
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Joyce Penner talking about her story.
Joyce Penner, coauthor of The Gift of Sex (passionatecommitment.com) and her husband Cliff Penner, are internationally recognize sexual therapists. In this episode, she gives her 3 secrets to her marital success. Listen in to hear the vital differences to how a man and woman gets turned on.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/9
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Joyce Penner talking about her story.
Joyce Penner of passionatecommitment.com has been married for 51 years and has 3 married children 7 grand children and one on the way. Their ministry began in 1975 when asked to teach a class on sexuality. They grew up incredibly conservative upbringing and they’ve trusted God with their calling even in the midst of some significant challenges with her daughter’s health.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
delightyourmarriage.com/8
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Jen Smith talking about her story, Part II.
She says one common product she had been using caused incredible pain during sex. She also shares about how the specific challenge they faced in marriage brought them closer to God. She gives three specific habits that saved her marriage.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/7
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Jen Smith talking about her story, Part I.
Jen Smith of unveiledwife.com has been married for 8 years and has 1 son and another baby on the way! Her passion is motivating every post is to encourage other women in their role as a wife, focusing on the foundational principles about marriage revealed throughout the Bible.
Jen talks about the incredible struggle in sexual intimacy starting from their wedding night. But what began as an awkward and embarrassing first meeting turned into a marriage-saving experience.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/6
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Jay Dee talking about his story. Part II
Jay Dee founded sexwithinmarriage.com/ to help Christian spouses in two ways:
1) to dispel the stigma often associated with talking about sex within the Christian context, and
2) to use that new freedom to discuss sex within marriage, facilitating positive change in Christian marriages in order to further glorify God. He’s been married 13 years, has 4 kids and 1 new baby almost here(!).
He shares the truth about how men feel about sex and even how long a husband can go without it. You’ll hear about the meaning men associate with lovemaking! So, we’re coming into the conversation where Jay is telling me about the role he played in turning his marriage around.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/5
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have Jay Dee talking about his story.
Jay Dee founded sexwithinmarriage.com/ to help Christian spouses in two ways:
1) to dispel the stigma often associated with talking about sex within the Christian context, and
2) to use that new freedom to discuss sex within marriage, facilitating positive change in Christian marriages in order to further glorify God. He’s been married 13 years, has 4 kids and 1 new baby almost here(!).
He shares the difficulties of his marriage, from years of sexlessness and pornography addiction to an incredible and passionate partnership with his wife!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/4
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have J Parker talking about her story.
J Parker has been married for 22 years and has two teenage sons. Her mission is to encourage sex & marriage by God’s design was inspired by her personal story and God’s beautiful nudging.
She shares about the key things she has learned through her many years of marriage. J also gives tips on sexual intimacy. J reveals the issues she sees most often with women on her blog and what they can do to feel great about sex!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/3
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Hi there! Belah here. Today I have J Parker talking about her story.
J Parker of hotholyhumorous.com has been married for 22 years and has two teenage sons. Her mission is to encourage sex & marriage by God’s design was inspired by her personal story and God’s beautiful nudging.
She shares about the difficult season in her marriage wrought with pain and isolation. But then she shares how she was able to be proactive and make significant changes which became the incredible (and hot!) relationship that it is today!
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/2
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
Hi there! Belah here. Today it’s just me, sharing my story and what this podcast at Delight Your Marriage is all about!
I founded delightyourmarriage.com to help wives live in wholehearted intimacy with their spouses. What does that mean? I want you and your marriage to be amazing. Why? Because when you have an incredible marriage you can do so much more of what God wants for you and your life.
How do I know? I share of my ignorance of sex growing up and how I was rudely awakened to it’s realities as a young bride. Then how God taught me some significant lessons through the place of pain and what happened.
All the links, resources, and show notes available at:
http://delightyourmarriage.com/
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
delight your marriage episode one.
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here's your host, belah Rose.
Hi, this is belah rose. And I'm so excited that you have joined me today. I am really thrilled that delight, your marriage is finally up, I have kind of been working on it as a heart project for a long time. And now you will hear are listening to the first episode. So I was so excited. Basically, this project is my own pursuit of living wholeheartedly in my marriage. And my desire is that you come along and have a wholehearted life experience in marriage as well. Because ultimately, don't we all want to get to our 80th birthday, holding our husband's hand and smiling thinking of all the amazing memories that we've had together? Well, that's my vision of what it looked like at my 80th birthday. So anyway, I want to give a little bit about the structure of the podcast and let you know what the plans are on how often it will happen. I also want to tell you a little bit about my story and my struggles and why I'm passionate about marriage. So here's the deal, the podcast will come out Tuesdays and Thursdays. And it will be an interview from an inspiring wife or an expert on emotional spiritual or sexual intimacy. Because each one of those facets make up the intimacy that we're talking about in marriage. So I'm excited to bring you their stories of some struggles in their marriages. And some really great times as well as what they've learned along the way. I asked each of them also for a tip about sexual intimacy. Because really, how can you learn enough about that area? So why am I interested in all of this, and why is sexual intimacy so important to my heart in my life is I grew up really ignorant of it. And I think that's often a lot of people's stories, I grew up a Christian, I had a great childhood, really, I'm very grateful for many, many things. There were some struggles in my childhood, as well. But to give you a little bit of a picture, I grew up kind of on a farm in a rural area. So lots of animals with horses and sheep and goats and chickens and whatever else. So there was lots of physical hard work all the time. And I think my parents felt like that was healthy for kids. And I think it is, you know, lots of things to do. But I think they thought things like sex would never come up, because we had so many other things to talk and think about, which, you know, I understand that they didn't want their kids to be exploring before they should and whatever else, but turned into getting to middle school not knowing a thing about sex and what everyone else is talking about. And I remember in middle school, there was a boy who was really popular and sitting next to me, was science class, I think. And he decided to tell me the gossip around the popular kids, I guess was that some boy had an erection in gym class. And, of course, I didn't know the slang term that he used. And I didn't know at all what any of that meant. And I was completely humiliated and turned completely red in the face. And I asked my friend who was very knowledgeable on the subject, and she kind of blew my mind with what a penis actually is in sex, and I just had no clue. So I came home completely frustrated with my mom, so angry yelled at her for not telling me anything about this whole topic. Well, unfortunately, my yelling didn't help the situation. And in fact, I pretty much got no further instructions on the matter at all. So when I got to college, I was still a virgin. And I met this guy who showed a lot of interest in me from the get go. He was very complimentary and flattered me quite a bit. He was much older than me. So it was just a very interesting thing. It was he ended up being my first boyfriend and then we pretty quickly after that got married, and it was a really, really tough marriage. I was completely unaware of. Most of what goes on in a marriage. I just really wasn't prepared to have sexual intimacy. I wasn't perfect. to have constructive and healthy arguments, I just couldn't. Really, there were just so many areas that I didn't understand, coming into marriage. And I mean, I wasn't the only one, I think my husband at the time was very.
Maybe he had some expectations that weren't fully understood by me. And there were just, there was a lot of issues. And sex especially was a huge issue for me, I just couldn't understand how it was a good thing and how, you know, there was a lot of physical pain involved. I mean, I just, I was kind of a mess, I didn't understand why my body didn't just kick into gear when the clothes came off is not what was happening in the movies. So yeah, didn't work out. But, you know, I worked really, really hard. I read, I don't know, dozens, at least books during that time, about sex about marriage. And I just, it was above my head there, there were just so many broken parts of our marriage. And so many areas. I mean, there wasn't mutual respect, there was just a lot. So the point is, we got divorced, I guess, two years into the marriage, and maybe two and a half. And after that, I just decided, You know what I'm done. I did what God told me to do. And I saved sex to marriage. And it was terrible, and I hated it. And it was never good for me. So after that, I use sex really, as a weapon. And I was really promiscuous for a couple of years, and just didn't value sex at all, I just felt like there was nothing of value here. It's really just a power game. And so now, I feel like I'm sexy and desired. So I can kind of use that to entice whomever I want to, and then, you know, and act like it didn't matter in the end. Now. As I'm sure many other women have discovered, I also discovered that my heart really hurt after, you know, sleeping with someone, that didn't matter to me, I woke up the next day, pretty, pretty empty. And also, I became attached to a couple of these guys. And I meant nothing to them. And it wasn't reciprocated, and it really, really hurt. So looking for another fling, I got this crush on this guy at work. And then I learned slowly that this guy really, really cared about me. And it was kind of shocking, because I haven't been cared about like that ever before. And he really valued me as a woman. And I remember one time we were sitting over breakfast, and I literally just felt warm tears streaming down my face as just the revelation of how much this man cared about me. Because it struck me because for years, I've been living in this understanding of, I'm only valued because of my sex. I'm only valued because I'm beautiful. And guys want to have sex with me. And yet, here's this person that is telling me that I'm valued for much, much more than that. Like, he would ask me almost consistently, this one question that I thought was so funny, it asked me, Are you okay? And, I mean, that has never been normal for me ever to even think about my emotions like that. I was always like, we're thinking about other people and other things and other situations. And we're having fear about this, and that, and that's kind of how I grew up. But never to really like, consider him. Am I okay. And that was just his personality. He was a huge blessing. And so anyway, we started dating, and then, about two years into our relationship, I was just so afraid, because it was so wonderful. We were having such an amazing time. But I started getting afraid, like, is this going to end? Is this the guy that I should marry? Am I going to make a huge mistake by marrying this guy? After here? I made this huge mistake before and I just got super nervous. And it was also around the time that we started going to church together. It was kind of amazing, because he had not believed in God at all. I, again was raised Christian, but then went away from it after my marriage ended. So I had asked him if we could start going and kind of slowly happened that he was willing to come with me. And we started getting involved in the community and people were really kind and he started enjoying it. And I really enjoyed the teachings and it was kind of amazing how we started to go there. And I remember my pastor had said something about well, he wanted me I'm older. team actually, and I knew I was having sex outside of marriage, I knew that was wrong in the Christian faith. And
when there was a leadership conference about basically, you know, as a leader, these are kind of the expectations. One of them is, you know, sex within marriage. And I just was honest about what we were doing. And he kind of gave us some encouragement that it is possible to stop and you guys should really get married if, if this is the level of intimacy you want to have with each other. Yeah, so I was I was kind of in this, like fearful game of is this the person that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with? Or is this someone that, you know, was a fling and made me feel good about myself, and it was just an ego trip the whole time. So I went on kind of self exploration, very unhealthy self exploration. And I basically ended up hurting my boyfriend at the time, very deeply in that, just breaking up with him and kind of just getting Yeah, really hurting him. But thank God, I was able to realize that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I basically can't breathe, thinking about us not being together. So I had had my wedding ring well, so it was my grandmother's ring. It wasn't her wedding ring, but she had some beautiful diamonds on it. And I gave it to him and asked him when he was ready, I would love to receive it back at some point. And he knew that I was serious at that point that that I wasn't going to run away. Again, it was a it was a definite thing. So a couple of weeks later, he actually had the diamonds put into a new setting very beautifully. And he proposed. And we had a great wedding, great party, and we had a baby shortly thereafter. And now we've had another one. And it's just been an incredible marriage, it is kind of blown my mind how wonderful it's been. Every day, I kind of wake up amazed that God has given me such an amazing husband and life. But after we got married, that's when we started getting really involved in our church. And I was able to repent of all my past sin all my past sexual sins, with my boyfriend at the time now my husband, and also the other things that I listed. So I felt a huge sense of relief after getting married really, like I wasn't expecting it. But it totally opened the door for me to become close with God close with friends. And here I am today. So as I said, I grew up without a great role model. In terms of my parents, they both divorced when I was, well, I was an adult, but it's still I mean, even as an adult, it's just not, it's not as great as you would love it to be so. So I didn't have great examples of marriage. So how am I supposed to learn to have a good marriage without examples, and, you know, having had a first experience with marriage is being so terrible. So really horrible. I've been scared really, that this marriage could in the same way if I'm not really careful. And I think that gives me a pretty unique perspective, because I have seen what it looks like on the other side, and have recognized that the mistakes you make, and the offhanded comments and the disrespectful remarks, and just the way you are with each other on a daily basis adds up and makes for a pretty horrible experience. And I recognize in my marriage now that, you know, I don't want to go down that road, I don't want all these little things to add up into a giant, giant barrier between us. And so that's something I really have seen the difference between a really difficult marriage and a really great marriage. And I see how God can use each. So the first one definitely taught me a lot. I mean, often when you're in the worst struggles of your life, you learn the most. So I learned that I need to be kind, I need to be patient and gracious. And you know, I just don't want it to get into that spot ever again. And then. Now being in an amazing marriage. I've learned that God wants us to have amazing marriages because he can do a whole lot more in us and through us. You know, when you're in a difficult spot in your marriage, it's all consuming. I mean,
you just can't think of anything else. You're crying all the time or angry all the time or stressed all the time. I mean, I cry a lot so that's my, that's my go to. But you know, it just, it's so different when you're in a good spot with your marriage, that you have this emotional and mental space that you wouldn't otherwise have, you've got this energy for life and the things that God wants to do, you just you want to go with God in those pursuits, because you're just so fulfilled in your marriage. It's just amazing how God set it up. So yeah, so that's really the where my passion has come from, and where I want those that listen to get to, I want you to get to a place of real fulfillment and joy in your marriage, because it's going to affect every other area of your life. We need to hear from women that have been successful, how have they made it 30 plus years, or even 789 years, successfully, and, you know, everyone's at different stages of marriage in marriage. So I wanted to hear from experts that have been able to do it for like I said, you know, 1020 3040 years, and learn from their mistakes and learn from their struggles and, and hear their testimony. And so, we have some amazing guests that have really sorted through their really challenging heart stuff. And, you know, there is vulnerable with you as I was just with you here a couple minutes ago, and they really want to help your marriage. And it's so great. Because I've been able to learn from them, I've been able to grow myself. And you know, it's just so cool to hear that you're not alone, that you're not alone in this difficulty. You're not alone, in the challenges that you face. But you can rely on God, and you can hear other stories, and you can be inspired by them. So please stick around, you know, check out the podcast, check out the blog, check out the comments section, you know, share what is on your heart there. So I'm also an author, I wrote a book called delight your husband, which is really about getting through all of your reservations as a Christian wife, and getting to the place where you can be creative and spice up the bedroom and really feel competent and confident in the place of sexual intimacy with your man. So that is delight your husband calm. And like I said, This podcast is delight your marriage.com Each of the shows is going to be about 45 minutes. This one's a little shorter, because I wanted to just give you an overview of what it's going to be like. But I asked the questions that I'm hoping that are on your heart, too, when you hear from someone and you hear their story. And you're like, Oh, I'd love to know about this. So I really try to come at it from the angle of what would you want to hear from these, again, experts, the people that have been able to do marriage and do it well, and really have the kind of life that each of us want in our marriage. I'm so happy that you decided to join me today. And yeah, I'm really looking forward to talking more with you and learning more about you. I hope that you'll share your story with me. I hope that you'll email me belah at delight your marriage.com and we'll be in touch soon. Blessings, love you and I'm praying for you and I'm praying for your marriage. Talk to you soon. Bye.
Thanks for listening. If you've been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion