LOVE IS FEARLESS: Recent Episodes

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If you've been told your exhaustion is a personal failure — that better boundaries or better self-care would fix it — this episode is for you.

Because what if the problem isn't how you manage your energy? What if the problem is where it's going?

Janet and Doug name a pattern that lives quietly inside countless women's lives: the hidden energy tax of narrative management. The relentless, often unconscious work of holding your own pain and protecting others from the weight of their impact — simultaneously, in the same breath, sometimes in the same sentence.

Janet tells her own story in this episode — the well her mother fell into, the weight her father let his children carry, the marriages where the pattern felt completely natural because she'd been practicing it since childhood. And the marriage counseling room that confirmed what her nervous system already believed: your pain doesn't get to stand alone. It has to wait until you've managed everything else first.

This is a conversation about the trap that looked like spiritual maturity, and the difference between genuine gifting and powerlessness wearing a spiritual disguise. This is a conversation about what God actually offers when you stop spending your energy protecting everyone else from the truth.

Your energy belongs to you. To your healing. To your flourishing.

That's not selfishness. That's obedience.

In this episode:

• The hidden energy tax: the devastating math behind women's exhaustion
• Narrative management — what it is, where it comes from, and what it's costing you
• The trap of "be good enough to be safe" and why spiritual maturity can't get you there
• The difference between genuine compassion and powerlessness dressed as spiritual maturity
• What God promises when you stop controlling the story
• Four questions to sit with this week
• Four practical takeaways to begin redirecting your energy

Scripture referenced: Psalm 46:1 — I am your refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 25:3 — No one who hopes in Me will ever be put to shame. Matthew 11:28–30 — Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened...

Resources mentioned:

• A free AMA (Ask Me Anything) with Janet and Doug - the first Thursday of every month, 8-9 pm (CT)
• E is for Energy, Not Powerlessness - an article on Substack
• Before We Knew Our Wounds Were Real — a companion article on Substack

Connect with Janet: Website | Substack | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

Together, there is great hope.

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Introduction: "Pain has a way of interrupting purpose. And when pain lasts long enough, survival replaces growth." This devastating reality defines most of the systems we've built—medical, educational, even in the church. We've become really good at helping people survive, but we've stopped dreaming about helping them flourish. Today we're exploring the difference between empire dreams (optimizing within broken systems) and kingdom dreams (believing God has designed something better than we can imagine).

You're in the right place if:

• You've settled into helping your kids just cope with life when deep down you wonder if there's supposed to be more than surviving
• You keep asking "what's wrong with my kid?" instead of "what's wrong with how my kid is experiencing childhood?"
• You've been told "this is as good as it gets" and you've started to believe it
• You're tired of building better coping mechanisms when what you really want is healing and wholeness

Imagine a car manufacturer where 60% of vehicles break down. Instead of redesigning the car, they just get better at repairs. No factory would do this—but this is exactly what we're doing with our children. Sixty percent of kids struggle with mental health issues, yet we're building better coping mechanisms instead of asking what's breaking them.

Three False Traditions:

The Medical System - Dr. Ben Edwards discovered that much of our medical system is built on theories proven false, with exaggerated pharmaceutical claims and almost no advice about nutrition, peace, movement, and hydration. The false tradition: "Manage your symptoms with medication." The kingdom dream: "What if your body was designed to heal?"

The Neuroscience System - Dr. Lee Warren (Episode #170) says the idea that you're stuck with the brain you have is just a theory—and it's not true. Neuroplasticity proves that when you take every thought captive, you literally build a different brain: new neural pathways, different hormones, new cells. The kingdom dream: "Transformation by renewing your mind is literal biology."

The Education System - Janet shares her journey from traditional education (modifications and accommodations) to Charlotte Mason's philosophy at Ambleside School. Same children, radically different results—they flourished. The kingdom dream: "What if children are designed for transformation, not transaction?"

Empire Dreams vs. Kingdom Dreams:

Empire dreams optimize within broken systems—outcome-driven, asking "How do I acquire power in the current system?" They focus on treatment and management. Dreams have a ceiling.

Kingdom dreams pursue transformation itself—trust-driven, asking "What if God has designed something better than I can imagine?" They focus on prevention, restoration, and flourishing. Dreams are supernatural.

Key Takeaways:

1. What am I dreaming about? Am I optimizing within the current system, or dreaming about transformation? Get honest about whether your dreams have a ceiling or are kingdom-sized.
2. What false traditions have I accepted? Where have I settled for "this is as good as it gets"? Name one area where you've stopped asking questions and started just coping.
3. What would I dream if I believed God could give me a bigger thought than I could have by myself? What if the pain isn't chronic? What if healing is possible? Ask God to give you His dream.
4. Where do I see the 60% problem in my world? Where are systems producing broken results, but we keep building the same way? This week, ask God one kingdom question about something you've accepted as unchangeable. Listen, write down what He shows you, and share it with one trusted person.

Remember: When pain disrupts purpose and survival replaces growth, we need dreams bigger than coping mechanisms. We need kingdom dreams. God is already dreaming them—we just need to ask Him what He sees.

Resources Mentioned:

• Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry: https://a.co/d/aGuYDfx
• Substack article "D is for Dreams, Not False Traditions": https://open.substack.com/pub/janetnewberry/p/d-is-for-dreams-not-false-traditions
• You're The Cure podcast with Dr. Ben Edwards: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/youre-the-cure-w-dr-ben-edwards/id1266700954
• Dr. Lee Warren: https://wleewarrenmd.com/

Join the Conversation: Register for our monthly AMA (Ask Me Anything) on the first Thursday night of each month by visiting john15academy.com/services

Together, there is great hope.

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Guest: Dr. Lee Warren, Board-Certified Neurosurgeon

Introduction: What if you could change your brain by changing your mind? Board-certified neurosurgeon Dr. Lee Warren joins us to reveal something revolutionary: you're not stuck with the brain you have. Through groundbreaking neuroscience research, we now know that what you repeatedly think about literally restructures your brain. For parents learning to live from agency instead of control, understanding what's actually happening in your nervous system changes everything. Dr. Warren's new book, The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery: Connecting Neuroscience and Faith to Radically Transform Your Life, releases February 3, 2026.

You're in the right place if:

• You wonder why you keep defaulting to control, even when you want to parent from peace
• It feels impossible to break old patterns even though you know the truth
• Your child struggles with thoughts like "I'm stupid," "I'll never learn," or "everyone else can do this but me."
• You avoid letting your kids struggle because you want to protect them from pain
• You want to understand the neuroscience behind why fear-based parenting creates control operating systems in your children
• You're ready to break generational patterns of fear and shame in your family

Episode Highlights:

Mind vs. Brain - The Revolutionary Truth Traditional neuroscience has taught that your brain generates everything about you—your personality, memories, even your sense of having a mind. But here's the problem: there's no actual science proving this is true. It's just a theory. Through functional MRI imaging developed around 2000, we can now see what really happens: your mind directs your brain, not the other way around. Your brain is like your kidneys or heart—an organ that carries out the interaction of your mind with the world. This changes everything.

The Neuroscience of Fear vs. Gratitude When you're afraid, your amygdala (a walnut-sized area in your limbic system) triggers fight-or-flight responses. It's tiny and can't think well—it can only react. But your hippocampus acts like a one-way switch: it either triggers your amygdala OR your frontal lobes (billions of neurons designed for rational thinking). The deciding factor? Fear or gratitude. You literally cannot be grateful and anxious at the same time. This is exactly what Paul described in Philippians 4:6-8 two thousand years ago: "Don't be anxious, be grateful instead...think about what's noble, true, lovely..." Paul was 2,000 years ahead of neuroscience.

The Auburn University Discovery Dr. Warren shares the pivotal moment at Auburn University's MRI Research Center when he and his wife Lisa watched a patient's brain respond to different thoughts in real-time. When thinking about the worst day of her life, her amygdala lit up, blood pressure rose, heart rate increased. When thinking about her happiest memory, frontal lobes activated, peace indicators appeared, blood pressure and heart rate dropped. That's when God spoke to Dr. Warren: "When you do surgery, you intentionally make a structural change in someone's brain to improve their life. When someone changes from harmful thoughts to helpful thoughts, they're also intentionally making structural changes in their brain to improve their life. That's surgery too—self-brain surgery."

The Power of Anti-Fragility We've been taught that humans are fragile—easily broken and needing protection. But Scripture, neuroscience, psychology, and social science all agree: we're actually anti-fragile. You can't be as strong as you're capable of being without being broken a few times along the way. Romans 5:3-5 explains the process: suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Your mid-anterior cingulate (the part of your brain that handles willpower and resilience) literally gets stronger when you do hard things you don't want to do.

George's Story - From Dyslexia to Fearless Dr. Warren's 7-year-old grandson George couldn't read despite being brilliant at everything else. He was diagnosed with dyslexia and worked with a tutor for 8 months, making up 3 grade years in reading. When George called his grandfather and said, "Pop, I'm a reader!" everyone wept. But here's the lesson: George is now fearless at age 10 because he faced the hardest thing in his life—not being able to read—and overcame it. If his parents had blamed the school or lowered standards, George would still be afraid of things he doesn't know how to manage. Instead, he knows nothing in his entire life will be as hard as learning to read, and he did it anyway.

Mary's Story - From "I'm Stupid" to Syracuse Graduate Janet shares about 10-year-old Mary who had every learning label and refused to pick up a pencil or book. When learning to type, every mistake beep triggered outrage: "I'm stupid, I'll never learn, you hate me." After 3 days, Janet transcribed Mary's words on a whiteboard and asked, "Can we call this list 'lies'?" They created a truth list: next to "I'm stupid" was "I'm capable," next to "you hate me" was "you believe in me." Mary's new instruction: every time she heard the beep, name the truth. Beep. Truth. Beep. Truth. Struggle, truth. In 3 weeks, Mary typed 35 words per minute with 98% accuracy. She recently graduated from Syracuse University on a creative writing scholarship.

The Critical Lesson for Parents Don't just let your kids suffer—teach them to struggle well in truth. Many of us developed unhealthy willpower and over-functioned in dysfunctional environments out of fear, not agency. When you teach children that everything they think isn't true and that even when something is true, there's more to the truth God wants them to see, you're giving them the tools for transformation. Come alongside them. Show them how to confess their story to God, ask Him what's true, then walk in that truth.

The Three Sources of Thoughts Not every thought you think comes from you. Thoughts come from three sources: (1) your brain's automated patterns, (2) yourself and the Holy Spirit, or (3) the enemy. Learning to discern which source is speaking—and training your children to do the same—is essential for self-brain surgery.

Key Takeaways:

1. Start practicing self-brain surgery today. When you're triggered or afraid, confess your actual story to God. Ask Him what's true. Walk in that truth. Let your kids see you do this.
2. Do one hard thing you don't want to do. Your mid-anterior cingulate cortex gets the signal that you're the kind of person who can do hard things, making all future hard things easier. This works for your kids too.
3. Let your children suffer when it's safe to do so. Don't protect them from scraped knees, failed tests, or rejected friendship notes. Their brains are built for this. The Bible promises it. Your child needs evidence that they can survive hard things before they face the next hard thing.
4. Teach the "two truths" practice. When your child says "I'm stupid" or "I'll never learn," acknowledge their feeling ("Yes, this is hard right now") AND teach them to name the truth ("AND you're capable, AND you're learning, AND struggle doesn't define you").
5. Focus on what you're grateful for, not what scares you. Your hippocampus is a one-way switch—it either activates your fear response or your thinking brain, but not both. Practice gratitude to literally change your brain chemistry and model this for your children.
6. Remember: the generational chaos ends now. God has declared it, and He's made your mind and brain to promise it's true. You can't give what you haven't received, so do this work for your sake AND your children's sake.

Closing Thought: "Let your adversity make you more like Christ. It will make you more of who you're supposed to be. The more we stop thinking 'I want to live my own truth and follow my own way' and instead follow His way, the closer we get to Him, the better we use our brains, the better we use our hearts, the more alive we become, the more free we become." - Dr. Lee Warren

Resources:

• Dr. Lee Warren's new book: The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery: Connecting Neuroscience and Faith to Radically Transform Your Life (Available everywhere books are sold, including an audio version read by Dr. Warren)
• Website: DrLeeWarren.com (for books, podcast, YouTube, Instagram, and the School of Self-Brain Surgery)
• Dr. Lee Warren's podcast

Connect with Love Is Fearless: Email: janet@john15academy.com Contact information for Formation Cohorts and family consulting. Website: John15Academy.com

Together, there is great hope.

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Introduction: In all of history, there are only two ways to govern: by words or by force. As America celebrates its 250th birthday this year, we're asking: How will we govern our homes? Force demands compliance. Words invite relationship. And the operating system our children learn at home is the operating system they'll carry into the world. Today we're exploring how conversations—not arbitrary consequences—build the kind of trust that makes freedom and agency possible. You're in the right place if: * Your child is old enough for tough topics (bullying, sexual identity, pornography, peer pressure), but most of your conversations are functional, not deep * You avoid hard conversations because you're afraid they'll end in disconnection or blow up * You're governing by force ("because I said so" and consequences) when you really want to govern by words, trust, and relationship—but don't know how to make that shift * You grew up where conversations weren't safe and want to break that pattern for your kids

Episode Highlights: Discover the critical difference between governing by force versus governing by words, and why it matters for your child's development of agency. Learn why "conversations build convictions, relationships build trust, and without trust there is no consent—without consent, there is no freedom." We share practical examples of holding boundaries through relationship rather than force, how to approach hard topics like sexual identity and pornography, and the transformative practice of "My Story/God Story" prayer that models honest conversation with God. Plus, hear why letting your kids observe YOU having difficult conversations with other adults might be one of the most powerful teaching tools you have. Key Takeaways: 1. Have ONE conversation you've been avoiding - with your spouse, child, God, or wise friend. Practice connection instead of control. 2. Model a safe, difficult conversation in front of your children - let them observe healthy disagreement in a secure relationship. 3. Start a simple conversation rhythm - dinner table question, car ride check-in, or bedtime pause. Pick ONE and do it consistently. 4. Practice My Story/God Story prayer - when triggered this week, pause and tell God your actual story, ask Him what's true, then walk in that truth.

Remember: Civic values are born at home. The art of conversation can be recovered—one family at a time, one conversation at a time. Want to practice these conversations in community? Email us about Formation Cohorts and family consulting options. Together, there is great hope.

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What if the biggest risk isn't failing—but never discovering who God created you to be? In this episode, we revisit the letter B in the Love Is Fearless alphabet with fresh eyes. Back in Season 5 (Episode #128), we introduced the idea that Beautiful offers safety, healing, and regard—while Functional is just about getting things done. But now we're going deeper. Beautiful isn't about being magazine-worthy. It's about being true. Beautiful is "the most true thing"—what reflects who God created you to be, what reminds you of your Source, what feeds your soul. Functional is what we reach for in survival or striving mode—convenient, efficient, just trying to get through the day. And here's the key discovery: Beautiful is always functional, but functional is not always beautiful. In This Episode: * The difference between self-sourcing (relying on ourselves and our best ideas) and God-sourcing (discerning with God and others) * How the Three Instruments—Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life—help us curate a life of transformation instead of conformity * Why "curate" is the perfect word for this journey (hint: it means more than just choosing carefully) * The personal story of building hamster wheels and learning what it means to participate with God instead of just presenting Him with our plans * A fresh take on Romans 12:2: What if it's not about "don't be bad" but about refusing to settle for insecure attachments? * Jamie Winship's insight: "What kills creativity in people is fear. You can't operate on the creative part of your brain if the reptilian part is all about self-protection and self-promotion."

Three Practical Takeaways: 1. Notice what's functional versus beautiful in your daily life - Are your surroundings reminding you that you're loved and worthy, or just that you need to be efficient? 2. Ask yourself: "Am I self-sourcing or God-sourcing?" - When making plans, pause and ask: Am I relying on just myself, or am I listening to God and others? 3. Let God love you first with beauty - Go somewhere beautiful this week, or create beauty in your home—not for Instagram, but for your soul.

Resources Mentioned: * Episode #128: B is for Beautiful (Season 5) * Episode #127: A is for Affections (Season 5) Episode #167: A is for Affections, Not Addictions (Season 7) * Jamie and Donna Winship * John 15 Academy

Subscribe to The Curated Life newsletter for weekly encouragement delivered to your inbox. You can be busy with lots of "good" work and never experience the flow of standing in your God-given identity. Beautiful isn't about being impressive or perfect. It's about being true. Together, there is great hope.

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What if renewing your mind isn't just spiritual advice—it's actual brain training? In this episode, we explore how attention shapes affection, and how the difference between affections and addictions determines whether your family is being transformed or simply managed into conforming to the patterns of this world. We're introducing Dr. Lee Warren's groundbreaking work on faith and neuroscience (stay tuned for our full interview with him next month), and discovering how Philippians 4:8 is God's prescription for mental health—not toxic positivity, but actual neural formation. This changes everything about how we understand transformation in families. This is the second episode in our Season 7 alphabet series: A is for Affections, Not Addictions. Today we're learning to curate a life that builds affections instead of addictions—and discovering that most families are stuck in a perform/binge cycle that creates neither security nor transformation. In This Episode, You'll Discover: * Why Philippians 4:8 is brain training, not just moral advice—and how attention literally rewires your nervous system * The core distinction: "Affections form you through love. Addictions manage you through substitutes for love." * How affections grow in families where needs are welcomed and met through relationship—and how addictions grow where needs are managed in isolation * Why addictions aren't moral failures or lack of willpower—they're brilliant survival strategies that come at a cost * What it actually looks like to live life together without an agenda (and why this is easier than it sounds) * How trauma bonds form even in "good Christian families" through performance-based relating * Dr. Lee Warren's powerful framework: "You cannot control every thought that enters your mind, but you can choose which ones you rehearse and build a home for." * Three practical steps to shift from addictions to affections this week

Quotable Moments "Attention is not passive. What we give our attention to is actively shaping our brains. Attention drives neuroplasticity." "The atmosphere matters more than the activity. In a transformational home, no one is keeping score. No one is earning approval. Everyone contributes from identity, not from fear." "When you're together in that relaxed, no-pressure environment, your child will often let you meet their needs. They'll ask questions. They'll share what's going on in their heart—because they feel safe." "What you attend to becomes what you believe. What you believe becomes how you interpret reality. And how you interpret reality shapes your nervous system and your relationships." Three Takeaways 1. Notice what you're giving your attention to. This week, pay attention to what you're rehearsing in your mind. Because what you rehearse becomes what you believe. What you believe shapes how you interpret reality. And how you interpret reality shapes your nervous system and your relationships. Ask yourself: What thoughts am I building a home for? What am I giving my attention to during the day? Is it life-giving or life-draining? Is it transforming me or conforming me? Just notice. Don't judge yourself. Just see it clearly. Awareness is the first step. 2. Choose one activity to do together without an agenda. This week, choose one activity and do it without an agenda. No pressure. No performance. No goal except to be present. Maybe it's cooking a meal together, going for a walk, working on something in the garage, reading aloud, or playing a board game. The point isn't what you do—it's that you're together, and no one has to earn approval or manage anyone else's emotions. Notice what happens when you're just together. This is where affections are built. 3. Ask yourself: "What am I bonding with?" This is the question we asked in Episode #127, and it's one we need to keep coming back to. What are you bonding with? What's influencing you? What are you forming affections with? Are you bonding with habits, ideas, routines, and people who are life-giving—or demanding? Because what you bond with shapes you. So choose wisely. Transformation happens when we intentionally curate a life that forms affections rather than feeds addictions. Resources Mentioned * Episode #127: "A is for Affections" (our first exploration of this topic) * Dr. Lee Warren's work on faith and neuroscience (full interview coming next month!) * Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Connect With Us Website: John15Academy.com Email: janet@john15academy.com | doug@john15academy.com Support Our Work This podcast is made possible by listeners like you. We're a donor-supported ministry, and we'd love to have you join our team. Learn more about supporting this work and access additional resources at john15academy.com/give. About This Season Season Seven: Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family is a journey through the LIF (Love Is Fearless) alphabet—a guide to creating homes where a hard life is experienced differently, in secure relationships. Each episode explores the theology, neuroscience, and practical application of living secure in a struggling world. This isn't about behavior modification—it's about transformation. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or anyone raising or influencing children, we're learning together what it means to refuse to participate in our own demise and actively walk in the transformative power of the life we've been GIVEN.

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We've become really good at managing crises, but somewhere along the way, we forgot how to live. In this season premiere, we introduce what it means to restore the lost art of being family—creating homes where a hard life is experienced differently, in secure relationships. This isn't about behavior modification or quick fixes. It's about life cultivation. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or anyone raising or influencing children, this episode sets the foundation for everything we'll explore together this season. In This Episode, You'll Discover: * Why modern parenting has become crisis management—and what we're missing * The Performance/Pain Relief cycle keeping families stuck in survival mode * How our brains are being shaped by what we practice (survival, striving, or freedom) * The two lenses: Old Lens (earn, deserve, take) vs. New Lens (trust, receive) * What Jesus really meant in John 15 about unfruitful branches (spoiler: you're being lifted up, not burned) * An introduction to the LIF alphabet—a guide to living secure in a struggling world * One simple practice to begin transformation this week

Quotable Moments "We've become really good problem-solvers. We know how to eliminate threats, but we've forgotten how to LIVE." "We're starving for relational nutrition in the middle of a fast-food feast of standardized success and maximized comfort." "A hard life is experienced differently in secure relationships. We're not offering a life without problems—we're offering a secure place to stand while navigating problems." "Our brains are being built by what we practice. When we practice security, our brains begin to rewire." "Unfruitful living branches are restored; dead branches are removed to protect life. God does not discard the struggling—He tends them back to life." "You are not a dead branch about to be burned. You're a living branch being lifted up." "The way we SEE changes everything." "God won't skip you to get to your children." Three Takeaways 1. We're restoring the lost art of being family. This season is about learning to create homes where a hard life is experienced differently—in secure relationships. Not crisis management, but life cultivation. 2. You're a living branch being lifted up. God doesn't discard the struggling—He tends them back to life. You're not too far gone. You're not failing. You're being repositioned to bear fruit. Trust that. 3. This week: just notice. When you reach for something, ask yourself: Am I reaching from security (trusting and receiving from the Source) or insecurity (trying to earn, deserve, or take what I need)? Awareness is the first step. We're learning this together.

Connect With Us Website: John15Academy.com Email: janet@john15academy.com doug@john15academy.com Support Our Work This podcast is made possible by listeners like you. We're a donor-supported ministry, and we'd love to have you join our team. Learn more about supporting this work and access additional resources at john15academy.com/give. About This Season Season Seven: Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family is a journey through the LIF (Love Is Fearless) alphabet—a guide to creating homes where a hard life is experienced differently, in secure relationships. Each episode explores the theology, neuroscience, and practical application of living secure in a struggling world. This isn't about behavior modification—it's about transformation. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or anyone raising or influencing children, we're learning together what it means to refuse to participate in our own demise and actively walk in the transformative power of the life we've been GIVEN.

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Summary What if the "practical" parenting strategies you're searching for require something deeper first - the liberation of your own mind? In this episode, Janet and Doug explore the third instrument of formation: LIFE - the intentional pursuit and savoring of ideas that are good, true, and beautiful. Drawing on research about manufactured mental captivity and personal stories about breaking generational cycles, they reveal why parents can't create relational safety for their children while their own minds remain captured by anxiety-producing information systems. This isn't about adding more to your overwhelmed schedule - it's about recognizing that ideas are already forming you, and learning to choose which ones and toward what end. Janet and Doug discuss: The Operating System You Didn't Choose * We inherit operating systems from our family of origin - either developing trust relationships in grace environments, or adapting through pseudo-connection to meet unmet needs * Both love and sin are processes of meeting needs - the difference is the source * Our bodies create efficient neural pathways to whatever meets our needs, whether healthy or unhealthy * As children, we can't do what we've never seen

The Effort of Decision * Once you've agreed with God that truth sets you free (John 8:32), you stop wasting energy choosing between old coping strategies and new life * When you live through struggle with the integrity of being connected to God and your true self, you want MORE of that joy * Experiencing freedom improves your vision - mental decluttering becomes celebration rather than chore * Convictions made in advance make daily choices easier (example: choosing reading season over streaming)

Manufactured Mental Captivity * Research shows psychological knowledge is being weaponized to keep minds "enslaved to consuming, conflict and outrage" * This manufactured mental chaos pushes people into survival mode (threat detection) and striving mode (performance anxiety) * Parents can't create relational safety for children while their own minds are captured * Mental illness often emerges when pain and performance goals collide

The Three Questions Framework 1. What am I absorbing without choosing it? (information diet, social media, news cycles) 2. What am I intentionally seeking? (difference between consuming content and savoring ideas) 3. What am I savoring that puts gas in my tank? (beauty, goodness, truth as fuel not luxury)

This Week's Experiments: Mental Diet Audit 1. Track for 3 days what ideas you're absorbing 2. Notice how your body feels after different inputs 3. Create awareness, not shame

One Intentional Choice 1. Pick one good/true/beautiful thing to seek daily 2. Could be: one poem, one chapter, one worship song, time in nature 3. Focus on intentionality, not perfection

Notice the Difference 1. Pay attention to your nervous system throughout the day 2. Do you feel more grounded or more anxious? 3. How does it affect your capacity for your family?

Remember: The instrument of LIFE isn't about adding more to your overwhelmed schedule - it's about recognizing that ideas are already forming you. The question is: which ideas, and toward what end? Resources Mentioned in This Episode Previous Podcast Episodes: * Why Integrity Matters With Scott Morrison * How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Shape Your Family Story * Why Your Home's Atmosphere Shapes Your Child's Soul * Discipline Is Not What You Think: How Real Formation Replaces Control

Key Principle Mentioned: "If it's not beautiful, we don't do it" - a family conviction that shapes daily choices Want to break generational cycles and build mental freedom in your family? Start with these three experiments this week and share your discoveries with us.

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What if the key to spiritual growth isn’t trying harder—but learning how to feel safe, seen, and loved? In this episode, Doug and Janet sit down with psychologist and author Dr. Todd Hall for a powerful conversation about attachment, transformation, and the kind of love that reshapes your life. Together, they explore how our early relational patterns affect not just our parenting and marriage—but our relationship with God. You’ll learn: * How to recognize attachment patterns that keep you stuck * Why behavior doesn’t change until your nervous system feels safe * How to respond to your child’s big emotions without losing connection * What it means to “abide” when your body has only known striving * How presence and proximity—not pressure—create lasting transformation

Whether you’re a parent, pastor, or someone on a healing journey, this episode is full of practical tools and new language that will help you move from disconnection to security. “Transformation isn’t about performing better. It’s about being seen, loved, and known—especially in the places we’ve learned to hide.” About Dr. Todd Hall: Dr. Hall is the author of The Connected Life and a leading voice in the field of relational spirituality. A psychologist and professor at Biola University, his work helps people understand how love, attachment, and emotional presence are central to both healing and discipleship. Favorite Takeaways: * You’re not broken. You’re reacting to what your body learned was normal. * Correction is a gift of love—but connection must come first. * The nervous system can’t receive truth when it’s overwhelmed. * Spiritual formation is relational, not a list of disciplines. * Parents shape their children’s view of God through emotional safety.

Resources Mentioned: * Instagram: @drtoddwhall * Facebook: @drtoddwhall * LinkedIn: @drtoddwhall * Linktree: linktr.ee/drtoddwhall * Website: https://www.relationalspirituality.co * The Connected Life book by Dr. Todd Hall * Learn more at John15Academy.com

Let’s Stay Connected: John 15 Academy is a donor-supported ministry that helps families and communities restore the lost art of being family through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

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What if discipline isn’t about becoming someone better—but about learning to live from the truth of who you already are? In this episode, we continue our conversation on discipline—not as punishment or control, but as the sacred practice of forming identity through daily habits of love, truth, and presence. We explore how discipline aligns with our new identity in Christ, and how we help our children grow into that truth—not by force, but by faithfulness. You’ll hear stories of real formation—what it looks like in parenting, in marriage, and even in how we relate to ourselves. We talk about the awkward, vulnerable process of “showing up to spring training” after receiving the gift of a new identity—and how discipline is God’s invitation to grow into that gift with grace, humility, and trust. This episode is not a list of parenting techniques—it’s a reminder that formation happens in the small, sacred choices we make each day to believe what’s true and build habits that reflect it. You’re in the Right Place If… ✔ You want to help your children live from their identity in Christ—not just earn your approval ✔ You’re wondering how to grow into the truth of your own identity when it still feels unfamiliar ✔ You’re looking for a better way to parent than control—but you still want real structure and growth ✔ You long for family rhythms that feel secure, grace-filled, and aligned with the kingdom of God Key Takeaways: * Discipline isn’t punishment—it’s the daily, steady work of forming identity and maturity. * We’re all being formed by something—the only question is… are we choosing it, or drifting into it? * Small, intentional habits—meaningful conversations, returning to joy, asking for help—quietly rewrite the story our families live in. * You don’t have to get it perfect to make it powerful. Real growth happens in the ordinary, imperfect, love-soaked moments.

Let’s Keep Growing Together: Share this episode with a friend who’s longing for a better way to parent—or simply to live loved. Visit John15Academy.com for more articles and a growing library of resources to help you live, love, and lead from a place of freedom. Resources We Mention: Article: Discipline Is Not What You Think: How Habit Training Forms the Soul Practicing the Art of Being Family (eBook): A simple, grace-filled guide for real-life family transformation Episode #161: The Three Instruments of Formation—How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Shape Your Family’s Story Article: The Three Doors: Why Families Survive, Strive, or Find Freedom The Curated Life Newsletter: Join the community for encouragement and resources to live loved, not afraid Let’s Stay Connected: We’re a donor-supported ministry that helps families and communities restore the lost art of being family through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

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Every family is practicing discipline—even if we don’t realize it. But the question isn’t whether discipline is happening… it’s what kind of discipline is happening—and whether it’s forming fear, frustration, or secure, lasting maturity. Some discipline conforms us to the patterns of this world; kingdom discipline transforms us into the truth of who God created us to be. In this episode, we reframe discipline as the quiet, relational work of forming the soul—not controlling behavior. We explore how real discipline starts with us, flows through meaningful conversations, and shapes our families for the long haul. We also share relatable stories, unpack the common pitfalls that often undermine discipline, and invite parents—and grandparents—into a better way to grow. You’re in the Right Place If… ✔ You’re tired of reacting to your child’s behavior and want to lead with love and intentionality ✔ You’ve ever wondered how to build trust with your children—not just obedience ✔ You want practical ways to guide your kids with integrity, not control ✔ You believe discipline should shape identity, not shrink it with shame Key Takeaways: * Discipline isn’t punishment—it’s the quiet, daily formation of character, identity, and belonging. * Meaningful conversations are one of the most powerful tools of discipline when they model safety, truth, and connection. * Real growth begins when we stop reacting to behavior and start responding to the deeper needs beneath it. * As Hebrews 12:6 reminds us, “The Lord disciplines those He loves.” When we let God form us, we’re equipped to guide our families with love, not fear.

Resources We Mention: Article: Discipline Is Not What You Think: How Habit Training Forms the Soul Practicing the Art of Being Family (eBook): A simple, grace-filled guide for real-life family transformation Episode #161: The Three Instruments of Formation—How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Shape Your Family’s Story Article: The Three Doors: Why Families Survive, Strive, or Find Freedom The Curated Life Newsletter: Join the community for encouragement and resources to live loved, not afraid Let’s Stay Connected: We’re a donor-supported ministry that helps families and communities restore the lost art of being family through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

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In today’s special episode, Doug and Janet share the story behind Rooted in Kerrville—a project born from their deep love of the Texas Hill Country, their partnership with Mercy Gate Ministries, and their heartache for a community forever changed by the devastating July 4 flood. This is more than a relief effort. It’s a long-term investment in soul restoration. When the flood hit, the physical damage was immense—but so was the emotional and spiritual toll. Local nonprofits like Mercy Gate are overwhelmed. Families are grieving. And pastors and helpers are exhausted, yet still showing up. In this episode, we share: * How our work with Mercy Gate Ministries began—and why it matters now more than ever * Why we’re developing a brand-new print resource to help Kerrville’s pastors, parents, and leaders rebuild from the inside out * How you can support this sacred work through prayer, generosity, and presence * Why we’re also launching a free 40-day reflection series on Substack to walk with Kerrville—and anyone grieving or disoriented—through this season of restoration

We’re not asking the people of Kerrville to give. We’re asking those of us outside the flood zone to say: “We’re still here. We see you. We believe in restoration.” Want to Help? Give to Support Long-Term Restoration - Your gift helps fund: * The editing, design, and printing of the Rooted in Kerrville: Restoration from the Inside Out guide * Our continued consulting and formation-based work with Mercy Gate Ministries * Ongoing presence, training, and relational restoration efforts for the community

Give Now → john15academy.com/kerrville Walk With Us: A Ministry of Presence - We’re also publishing a free 40-day reflection series—short, gentle emails written especially for the people of Kerrville but meaningful for anyone navigating grief, disruption, or the slow work of restoration. The Substack essays are not a fundraising tool. It’s a ministry of presence. An offering of hope. And a way to remember that you’re not alone. Subscribe Free → janetnewberry.substack.com Final Word - You don’t have to be strong to be loved. You don’t have to rush your grief. You’re allowed to feel, to rest, and to heal—one day at a time. Let’s walk this road together. For Kerrville. For each other. For the kind of restoration that starts from the inside out. Together, there is great hope.

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Every family is being shaped by a story, whether we realize it or not. The question isn’t if formation is happening…it’s what kind of formation is happening, and whether it’s rooted in fear or freedom. In this episode, we introduce The Three Instruments of Formation—Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life—and explore how they help create secure, connected homes where faith and maturity can take root. We also revisit the Three Doors framework and share how real families—maybe even yours—are living in stories of survival, striving, or freedom. Most of us didn’t choose the story we grew up in, but we can choose the story we pass on. You’re in the Right Place If… * You’re tired of reacting in the moment and want to be intentional about shaping your home. * You’ve ever wondered why your family feels stuck—and what it would take to create real change. * You want practical ways to create a secure, grace-filled environment for your kids. * You believe there’s more to parenting than behavior management—and you’re ready to experience it.

Key Takeaways: 1. Formation is always happening—the atmosphere, rhythms, and input in your home are shaping your family’s story every day. 2. Secure relationships—not pressure, performance, or perfection, are the foundation for maturity and a life of faith. 3. The Three Instruments of Formation—Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life—are simple, practical tools to help your family align with freedom, not fear. 4. It’s never too late to shift the story you’re living and passing on. Small, intentional changes make a lasting difference.

Resources We Mention: * Episode #155: How The Story You Live Shapes the Family You Build * The Three Doors Article: The Three Doors: Why Families Survive, Strive, or Find Freedom * New Article: How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Form Your Family * Practicing the Art of Being Family (eBook) — A simple, grace-filled guide for real-life family transformation * The Curated Life Newsletter — Join the community for encouragement and resources to live loved, not afraid

Let’s Stay Connected: We’re a donor-supported ministry helping families and communities practice the art of being family—through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

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Episode Summary: Before a single word is spoken, we’ve already told a story. The emotional and spiritual tone we carry into a room—our atmosphere—is one of the most powerful instruments of formation in family life. In this episode, we unpack what atmosphere is, why it matters, and how it quietly shapes what our children believe about love, safety, identity, and belonging. You’ll discover how the Three Doors framework (Survival, Striving, and Transformation) shows up in the “air” of our homes and why peace-building—not pressure—creates the soil where souls grow. Whether you’re parenting, leading, or simply learning how to abide instead of perform, this episode will help you breathe a little deeper and build relationships that last. You’re in the right place if… * You sometimes wonder why your home feels tense, even when no one is saying anything out loud. * You’ve tried all the right parenting strategies, but something still feels off beneath the surface. * Your child seems anxious, explosive, or withdrawn—and you’re realizing that presence matters more than pressure * You want to build a home where peace is the atmosphere and formation begins with love, not fear.

Key Takeaways: 1. Atmosphere is the first instrument of formation. Long before our kids hear our words, they feel our presence. 2. Parents—not children—are responsible for the emotional tone of the home. Your nervous system sets the thermostat. 3. You can’t build homes of transformation with materials shaped by fear. Peace is the environment where souls grow. 4. You don’t need to be perfect—you need to be present. The atmosphere of Door #3 is formed by grace, not performance.

If you haven't yet heard other episodes in this series, listen now: #154 - Are You Aiming At The Wrong Target? Why Parenting Feels So Hard #155 - How The Story We Live Shapes the Family We Build Resources mentioned in this episode: * The Three Doors - Why Families Strive, Survive, or Find Freedom (blog post) * Atmosphere - What Our Children Feel Before We Say A Word (blog post) * Purchase the eBook: Practicing the Art of Being Family * Subscribe to The Curated Life Newsletter * Read the Manifesto

Let’s Stay Connected: We’re a donor-supported ministry helping families and communities practice the art of being family—through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

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What if prayer wasn’t about getting the words right, but about being real? In this tender and honest conversation, Janet and Doug sit down with poet and author Tanner Olson, whose new children’s book All the Things I Say to God is helping families make prayer a natural part of everyday life. They explore Tanner and his wife’s journey through infertility and adoption, the power of surrender, and what it means to live a creative life anchored in faith, family, and honest conversations with God. You’re in the Right Place If… * You want to raise kids who feel safe enough to talk to God about anything. * You’re in a season of waiting, wondering where God is in the silence. * You’ve ever wrestled with not being in control, but longed to feel secure anyway.

Highlights from the Conversation: * Prayer as Presence – How Tanner’s book models that sitting quietly with God is just as valid as speaking out loud. * Love in the Waiting – Their shared experience of waiting for children—and discovering that grief and joy often share the same space. * Peace Over Performance – Why surrender isn’t giving up, but choosing safety in God instead of control. * Creative Callings – Tanner’s story of becoming a poet, the faith of his parents, and the courage it takes to follow a different path.

Key Takeaways: 1. Children don’t need perfect prayers. They need permission to speak to God like they speak to someone who loves them. 2. Surrendered doesn’t mean powerless. It means safe and secure in the hands of a faithful God—even when you don’t have all the answers. 3. Waiting can be formative. Love, art, and spiritual maturity often grow in the in-between spaces. 4. We are receivers first. God is the initiator, and our job is to remain open—to receive, respond, and create from love.

Mentioned in this Episode: * All the Things I Say to God by Tanner Olson * Tanner’s website: writtentospeak.com * Follow Tanner on Instagram: @writtentospeak

Help Us Share the Good News: If this episode encouraged you, please share it with a friend—or post it on social media and tag @john15academy and @writtentospeak. Together, there is great hope.

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If your children are grown—or even moving back home—and you’ve just now found language for what it means to live loved instead of afraid… this episode is for you. Today, we’re responding to questions from listeners who’ve read the manifesto, heard the message at Network 220, watched this YouTube conversation with Janet and Robby Angle, or started exploring Practicing the Art of Being Family. They’re asking: “Do these truths still apply if my kids are already out of the house?” And, "Is there still great hope if my children are already grown?" The answer is yes. Because you’re still a parent—but you’re first a child of God. And healing begins the moment you stop striving to fix the story, and start living from what’s already true. We explore: * Why your peace is more important than your perfection * How formation still happens—no matter how old your kids are * The difference between carrying your child’s burden and becoming their safe place * What it looks like to lead your family without fear—even in a season of disappointment, distance, or regret

This episode will meet you where you are—and help you begin again, without starting over. Takeaways: 1. Your family’s story isn’t finished. The Gospel doesn’t expire with age. Restoration is still possible—because transformation begins in you, not your circumstances. 2. You can’t give what you haven’t received. When you abide in your identity as a beloved child of God, you stop asking your children to meet needs only the Father can fill. 3. Peace is your starting point. True leadership isn’t about control or correction—it’s about being the safest, most truthful presence in the room.

Resources Mentioned in this episode: * Trueface – The PATH A new book and discipleship resource helping people walk in truth, identity, and grace. * Sarah Boyd – Turn Down the NoiseA beautiful book for helping children develop emotional resilience in an overstimulated world. Check out our practical and inspirational conversation with Sarah in episode #156-How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Kids in a Chronically Overstimulated World * John 15 Academy Manifesto - A free invitation to rethink family through the lens of identity, grace, and formation. * Practicing the Art of Being Family – eBook - A 3-part framework for restoring the lost art of being family—through atmosphere, discipline, and life.

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. Your support helps us spread the message of fearless love and family transformation. You were made for a beautiful life. You don’t have to settle for less. 💙

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Today, we have the joy of welcoming Robby Angle, President and CEO of Trueface, to the Love is Fearless Podcast! Robby is passionate about helping people move from simply knowing about grace to living out their true identity in Jesus—with trust, freedom, and relational depth. Before leading Trueface, Robby pastored thousands toward authentic community at North Point Community Church. Now, he’s helping steward a powerful new resource called The Path—an experience designed to move believers beyond striving and into a transformational life of trusting God. Also, The Path Experience Guide is designed for community groups to facilitate life change through relationships. Together, we’ll explore: * What inspired The Path and why it’s so needed now * How trusting God (not just pleasing Him) changes everything * Why following Jesus sometimes feels harder after you surrender—and how that’s part of real transformation * How families, not just individuals, can be reshaped by grace

You’re in the Right Place If… * You’re tired of knowing about grace but still feeling stuck. Maybe you’re looking for God’s approval. Maybe you’re looking for man’s approval. Maybe you’re tired of looking for approval, and you’re ready to admit you’re looking for meaning and purpose. * You’re not sure about Jesus - and you’re really not sure about a life of faith. Too much of what you see either lacks authenticity or adds too much pressure…but, honestly, you’re tired of dreading Mondays…so if there’s more to the Jesus story than you’ve experienced so far…you’re curious. * You’re ready to stop trying to figure it out alone—and start walking the path of grace with Jesus.

Favorite quotes from today's conversation: * (Doug's favorite) “Each and every one of us longs for fulfillment. It’s in our bones, in our blood, in our breath. We sense that we are made for peace and joy and yet it slips through our grasping fingers like water and wind. Breathe. Find the courage to look at your longing, at your closed fists. And ask: What have I been searching for?” (The City, The Path) * (Janet's favorite) “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet." (Frederick Buechner) “Every morning we stand on the wild edge of a story unfolding beneath our very feet.” (The Story, The Path)

📥 Download the manifesto to start transformative conversations in your marriage, small group, or church community. Get your copy of Practicing the Art of Being Family today and start experiencing a new story of hope in your home. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. Your support helps us spread the message of fearless love and family transformation. You were made for a beautiful life. You don’t have to settle for less. 💙

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In this special episode of LOVE IS FEARLESS, Janet and Doug are joined by Sarah Boyd—author, child and adolescent development expert, and founder of Resilient Little Hearts. Sarah’s new book, Turn Down the Noise, offers a much-needed guide to raising emotionally healthy kids in today’s overstimulated world. This warm, insightful conversation explores the realities families face and the hope available when we slow down, simplify, and create a safe emotional atmosphere at home. You’re in the Right Place If… * You feel caught between wanting to slow down and fearing what will happen if you do. * You’ve seen big emotions or challenging behaviors in your child and wondered, “Is this anxiety… or are we all just overwhelmed?” * You’ve ever felt like the pace of modern life is stealing the peace in your home—or wondered why your child’s emotions feel so big (or yours so close to the surface).

Conversation Takeaways - * Overstimulation is not a parenting failure—it’s a cultural reality. But it’s not inevitable. We can shape environments that help our children thrive. * Emotional maturity in children begins with emotional safety—and safety begins with us. Slowing down is not weakness; it’s wisdom. * Simplifying our home rhythms isn’t about doing less—it’s about doing what matters most: creating space for connection, rest, and delight. The emotional atmosphere of our home doesn’t have to feed the chaos. Home can become a place of healing.

Resources & Links Mentioned * 🌐 Sarah’s Website – Resilient Little Hearts * 📘 Preorder Sarah’s new book – Turn Down the Noise * 📕 Children’s Book – The Boy Who Stood Up Tall

Follow Sarah Boyd - * Instagram: @resilientlittlehearts * Facebook: Resilient Little Hearts

Explore More from John 15 Academy * Read the Manifesto * Dive into the eBook * Stay tuned for our upcoming family and church curriculum!

📩 Subscribe to The Curated Life – Get grace-filled parenting insights delivered to your inbox every month. Sign up here! 📲 Follow Us & Stay Connected: 🔗 Instagram | Facebook | Website | Merch Together, there is great hope.

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What if your parenting struggles aren’t about strategy—but about the story your family is living? In this episode, Janet introduces The Three Doors—a simple but powerful framework that reveals how the emotional and spiritual atmosphere of your home helps conform or transform the people your children become. Whether you’re stuck in survival, exhausted from striving, or longing for something more—this conversation will give you hope, clarity, and practical next steps. We’re not managing behavior—we’re building a culture where transformation grows. 🔑 You’re in the Right Place If... * You’ve tried every parenting strategy and still feel like you’re falling short. * Your home feels either too tense or too checked out—and you’re craving connection. * You long for grace-based parenting but don’t know how to make it practical.

You’ll Learn: * The 3 “story environments” families live in (and how to tell which one you’re in) * Why language is the fertilizer of transformation * How to create a home where identity grows stronger than fear

📌 3 Key Takeaways 1. Every family is living in a story—but not every story leads to transformation. What story are you building? 2. The emotional and relational atmosphere of your home speaks louder than your rules. 3. You don’t have to create a new story alone—transformation begins by walking through the door that’s already open.

🙌 Final Invitation Today, Jesus isn’t asking you to try harder—He’s inviting you to step into a free life where transformation grows, not from pressure, but from grace. Your home can be a place where shame loses its grip, and love makes you whole. 🟢 Read the free manifesto 🟢 Visit john15academy.com for articles, podcast episodes, and resources 🟢 Start a conversation about bringing this message to your church or small group 🟢 Partner with us—your gift helps more families walk into Door #3📩 Subscribe to The Curated Life – Get grace-filled parenting insights delivered to your inbox every month. Sign up here! 📲 Follow Us & Stay Connected: 🔗 Instagram | Facebook | Website | Merch Together, there is great hope. New boost

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Episode Summary: Parenting is exhausting—but what if the struggle isn’t because you’re doing it wrong, but because you’re aiming at the wrong target? In this episode, we unpack the story of an Olympic athlete who hit the bullseye—but lost everything because he was aiming at the wrong lane. This powerful analogy helps parents recognize how our culture trains us to aim at compliance instead of wholeness—and why that’s a costly misalignment. If parenting feels like a constant battle to "get it right," this episode will help you reframe your target and find a path that leads to peace, connection, and lasting transformation. You're in the Right Place If... ✔ You feel exhausted trying to get your kids to listen and obey. ✔ You wonder why your best efforts still lead to tension at home. ✔ You’re looking for a way to parent that brings peace, not pressure. Key Takeaways: 🎯 The Target Determines Everything – If we aim at compliance, we might get short-term results but miss long-term maturity. The right target is wholeness through transformation. 💨 Stress Shrinks Perspective – When we’re overwhelmed, we default to control. But pressure and compliance don’t create maturity—they hijack it. 🌱 Maturity happens through trust, not control. Read More & Continue the Conversation 🔗 Related Articles: 📖 Struggling in the Kingdom vs. the Upside-Down World – How your response to struggle shapes everything. 📖 Transformational vs. Transactional Relationships – Why parenting is about more than "just getting kids to behave." 📖 The Way of Jesus vs. The Way of the World – The parenting shift that changes everything. 🎧 Listen to Past Episodes: * Episode #153: Why We Struggle With Struggle—3 Steps to Strengthen Emotional Resilience

Take the Next Step: 💡 Pause and reflect. Where am I aiming? Am I focusing on behavior or cultivating a secure connection? 📝 Journal Prompt – Where does stress cause me to default to control? What small shift can I make today to trust God in my parenting? 🎙 Share Your Thoughts! – Leave us a review or share this episode with a friend who needs encouragement. 📩 Subscribe to The Curated Life – Get grace-filled parenting insights delivered to your inbox every month. Sign up here! 📲 Follow Us & Stay Connected: 🔗 Instagram | Facebook | Website | Merch

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Struggle isn’t the enemy, but how we navigate it can either weaken or strengthen our families. In this episode of Love Is Fearless, we’re tackling a fundamental shift that can change everything about the way we experience challenges at home and beyond. The world teaches us to fear struggle, to fix it, avoid it, or control it. But the kingdom of God offers a completely different way forward—one that leads to peace, connection, and resilience instead of exhaustion and shame. Today, we’re diving into the power of relational terrain—the unseen atmosphere of trust, connection, and security that determines whether struggle will make us stronger or wear us down. 🔑 In this episode, we explore: 1️⃣ Struggle isn’t the real problem—fear, isolation, and shame are. It’s not the struggle itself that harms us; it’s how we respond to it. In the kingdom, struggle is an invitation to growth, not a reason for guilt. 2️⃣ Your home’s relational terrain shapes how your family navigates struggle. When kids feel safe, seen, and connected, they develop resilience. But when fear, control, or performance shape the home, struggle feels like a crisis instead of a place to grow. 3️⃣ 3 Steps to Strengthen Your Family’s Relational Immune System: * The Habit of a Greeting: Simple, daily connection reinforces identity and worth. * Technology-Free Zones: Choosing where and when we abide in real connection shapes what fills our minds and hearts. * The Habit of a Good Night: Ending the day with peace and presence strengthens security instead of fueling performance anxiety.

🚀 Key Takeaways: 💡 “Struggle doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re growing.” 💡 “You don’t have to control every challenge. You just need to build a home where love, truth, and security hold steady when struggle comes.” 💡 “The terrain of your relationships determines whether struggle strengthens you or breaks you.” 📖 Great Resources Mentioned in This Episode: 📚 Education by Design, Not Default – Janet Newberry’s book on transformation through relationships, rhythms, and learning in freedom. 📚 Atomic Habits – James Clear’s groundbreaking book on how small, intentional habits create lasting change. 📚 Sacred Attachment – Michael Cusick’s wisdom on healing and transformation through secure relationships. 📚 The Connected Life – Dr. Todd Hall’s guide to relational spirituality and why love changes everything. 💌 Stay Connected & Keep Growing Sign up for The Curated Life, your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family. As a subscriber, you’ll get: ✅ Early updates on Janet’s upcoming e-book, church curriculum, and speaking events ✅ Encouraging blog posts and resources for your family’s journey ✅ Exclusive access to download the Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family manifesto for free Join us at john15academy.com and step into a new way of family-ing. 💙 If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend and leave a review! Your support helps us spread the message of fearless love and kingdom parenting. 🙏 Thank you for listening! You were made for a beautiful life—you don’t have to settle for less.

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In this special episode of the Love Is Fearless podcast, we’re excited to launch something deeply personal and transformative—our manifesto: “Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family.” These aren’t just words on a page; they’re an invitation to reimagine what’s possible for your family. 🔑 In this episode, we discuss five key ideas from the manifesto: 1. Great parents are first great children. Before you can lead your family well, you have to embrace your identity as a child of God. Parenting isn’t just about what you do—it’s about who you are in Him. 2. You can’t give what you haven’t received. If you want your kids to live free from fear and shame, you have to learn to live that way yourself. Healthy parenting starts with your own transformation. 3. Quick fixes don’t last. Behavior management tricks might work for a while, but eventually, they backfire—on you or your child. Real change happens at the heart level, not through shortcuts. 4. Worth is a gift, not a goal. You’ll never give your best self to your family if you’re too busy trying to prove your value. Your worth isn’t something you earn—it’s something you receive. 5. Jesus offers what self-reliance never can. Trying to control your kids won’t bring peace. Surrendering them to Jesus will. True safety isn’t a tighter grip. It's trusting Jesus. 🚀 Key Takeaways: * “The problem isn’t you—it’s the story you’ve been handed.” * “Parents were never meant to carry the weight of shame—and our kids weren’t meant to inherit it.” * “The Kingdom of God is at hand, and that changes everything.”

📥 Download the manifesto to start transformative conversations in your marriage, small group, or church community. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. Your support helps us spread the message of fearless love and family transformation. You were made for a beautiful life. You don’t have to settle for less. 💙 Find more great resources mentioned in this episode: * Joshua Gordon - LazarusBooks.com - Senior Editor at theleadpastor.com * #041: If I don't manipulate — How do I Get My Kids to Do the Right Thing Part 1 * #042: If I don't manipulate — How do I Get My Kids to Do the Right Thing Part 2

Visit john15academy.com to sign up for The Curated Life—your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family. As a subscriber, you’ll get: * Early updates on Janet’s upcoming e-book, church curriculum, and speaking events * Encouraging blog posts and resources for your family’s journey * Access to download the Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family manifesto for free

Our work at John 15 Academy is made possible by generous supporters. If you'd like to join our support team, we'd be honored to have you with us. Together, there is great hope. 🙏 Thank You for Listening!

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What if family wasn’t meant to be about striving but about abiding? For generations, we’ve been taught that good parenting means controlling outcomes, managing behavior, and setting our kids up for success. But what if that approach isn’t working? Today, we unveiled something deeply personal: our manifesto, Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family. This isn’t just a collection of words—it’s a call to reimagine what’s possible for your family. It’s a rallying cry to turn away from fear, shame, and transactional living and step into the freedom of abiding in God’s love. 🔹 You’re in the right place if… ✔️ You’re tired of carrying the invisible weight of parenting shame and wondering if there’s a better way. ✔️ You’ve tried behavior management strategies, but deep down, you know your family needs more than quick fixes. ✔️ You’re ready to believe that the Kingdom of God isn’t just for someday—it’s for your family, right here and now. 🔥 The Problem: We Were Never Meant to Carry This Weight 👉 Our children are not okay—but neither are parents. We live in an upside-down world where stress, anxiety, and shame are the norm. Parents panic over misbehavior, not just because they want what’s best for their children, but because their struggles expose something deeper—the shame we carry, too. 🛑 But what if shame was never ours to carry? 🌿 What if the Kingdom of God really is at hand—and that changes everything about how we love and lead our families? 🌱 A New Path Forward: Abiding, Not Striving Jesus didn’t come to improve our striving—He came to end it. He came to restore us to the Father, to remind us that we don’t have to prove our worth or fight for love. In the Kingdom, our identity is received, not achieved. 💡 What’s Possible: More Than Just an Above-Average Life Most families settle for survival—or maybe an “above-average” life. But Jesus promised more: 🕊️ A home where love isn’t earned, but given freely. 🔄 A family culture where transformation is the norm, not the exception. 💖 A life where shame no longer holds us hostage, because Jesus carried it to the cross. ✨ A Kingdom Invitation Imagine a family where: 🏡 Your home is a place of peace, not performance. 🪨 You rely on God’s presence, not your own capacity. 🌿 You experience the beauty of family as God intended. This is the lost art of being family. Together, there is great hope. 📥 Download the Manifesto 🚀 Final Takeaways ✔️ The problem isn’t you—it’s the story you’ve been handed. ✔️ Parents were never meant to carry the weight of shame—and our kids weren’t meant to inherit it. ✔️ The Kingdom of God is at hand, and that changes everything. 💙 You were made for a beautiful life. You don’t have to settle for less. 📖 Resources Mentioned in This Episode: 📚 Education by Design, Not Default – Janet Newberry 📚 Atomic Habits – James Clear 📚 Sacred Attachment – Michael Cusick 📚 The Connected Life – Dr. Todd Hall Visit john15academy.com and sign up for The Curated Life newsletter—your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family in your own home. You'll also receive early updates about Janet’s upcoming e-book, church curriculum development, and opportunities to hear Janet speak. Each edition points to insightful blog posts you might have missed and offers encouragement for your journey. The Curated Life will keep you informed whether you want to attend an event or invite Janet to your church or community. This podcast and our work at John 15 Academy are made possible by generous donors and a supportive community. If you’d like to be part of our financial support team, we’d be honored to have you with us. Together, there is great hope. 🙏 Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear how this episode resonates with you—share your reflections and tag us! 👀 Next Episode Teaser: We’ll dive deeper into how these ideas change everyday family life. Subscribe to the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast on your favorite podcast provider and stay tuned!

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If you've been going to church for a very long time, you probably think "abiding" is something you do - and you don't have time for one more thing! Join us in this conversation to be reminded that abiding is NOT what you may think: * It doesn't need to happen at a specific time. * There is no need for a "secret place" - at least not in your house. * It's not about checking "read my Bible" off your to-do list. * It's not about praying because you think you're supposed to. * It's not your bid to connect with Jesus.

Good news! Abiding is a gift you receive, not a task you complete. It means being with Jesus in your mind and body instead of alone in your thoughts. It's a way of being with yourself that feels secure instead of insecure because you are not alone—and you're not powerless. The eight benefits you'll hear us discuss in this episode cannot be bought on Amazon, and you can't DIY these blessings either. The best part is that these benefits will change your life in the way of transformation instead of conformity. Transformation is a miracle we can't stop when we're with someone who loves us and gives us the gift of deep peace. Jesus is always available to be that Someone. In this episode, Doug and Janet walk you through a meaningful meditation that offers an abiding experience and shows you how simple it is. If this episode gives you permission to risk an abiding life, check out Janet's blog at john15academy.com. Find the post How To Abide - It's Not What You Think to discover a free PDF of Scripture references and a few journaling prompts. Listen now to discover eight benefits of abiding and the power of these takeaways: 1️⃣ Striving keeps us stuck in survival mode, but abiding brings peace, security, and real connection—first with Jesus, then in our families. We don’t have to earn what God freely gives. 2️⃣ Abiding isn’t just another thing to add to your to-do list. It’s a way of being—living from a secure connection with Jesus, where love, wisdom, and peace flow naturally. 3️⃣ The benefits of abiding—like deep love, wisdom beyond our own, and true rest—can’t be bought, earned, or manufactured. They’re gifts we receive when we stop striving and trust that Jesus is enough. Check out this previous episode, too: #120 - Why Survival Mode May Be Killing Your Relationships Visit john15academy.com and sign up for The Curated Life newsletter—your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family in your own home. You'll also receive early updates about Janet’s upcoming e-book, church curriculum development, and opportunities to hear Janet speak. Each edition points to insightful blog posts you might have missed and offers encouragement for your journey. The Curated Life will keep you informed whether you want to attend an event or invite Janet to your church or community. As a subscriber, you'll be the first to know when Janet’s Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family Manifesto is published—and you'll get exclusive access to download it for free. This podcast and our work at John 15 Academy are made possible by generous donors and a supportive community. If you’d like to be part of our financial support team, we’d be honored to have you with us. Together, there is great hope.

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Joshua Gordon is a son, brother, husband to Sarah, dad to five children, lay pastor, author, and Senior Editor of theleadpastor.com. We're grateful that Joshua agreed to share a dad's response to the challenges of living in an economy of love. In our previous episode (#148), we challenged parents with these questions: * If the kingdom of God is at hand, what's really changed in our homes? * If the law is love now, what's different? * If I trust the finished work of Jesus for my secure identity, how does that change my relationship with God? How does that change my relationship with myself? And with you?

In this episode, Joshua Gordon admits we can be triggered when our children respond to us with an attitude instead of respect. Join us in this priceless and vulnerable conversation about navigating our emotions and personal narratives so that the child and our family benefit from the frustrating interaction instead of allowing it to weaken the relational fabric in our home. In our conversation with Joshua, we found wisdom and help for moving forward when our kids are disrespectful by discovering that many of our children's problems today: * The books on our shelves don't have answers because they were written several years ago, and our culture is changing quickly. We can find the answers to these problems in conversations with God and others who rely on God in their own stories. We can also help our children listen to God and receive His help. * Many of our children’s problems are really invitations from God to abide with Him because they have roots in our own unresolved issues. * Our children’s problems are, in some ways, gifts that require us to ask, "Is my desperation or dependence on Jesus driving my response to this parenting crisis?" Then, we get to talk to God about why we depend on something less than our true identity (and our security with Him) when emotions get messy and problems are real.

Visit john15academy.com and sign up for The Curated Life newsletter—your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family in your own home. Each edition points to insightful blog posts you might have missed and offers encouragement for your journey. As a subscriber, you'll be the first to know when Janet’s Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family Manifesto is published—and you'll get exclusive access to download it for free. You'll also receive early updates about Janet’s upcoming e-book, our church curriculum in development, and opportunities to hear Janet speak. The Curated Life will keep you informed whether you want to attend an event or invite Janet to your church or community. This podcast and our work at John 15 Academy are made possible by generous donors and a supportive community. If you’d like to be part of our financial support team, we’d be honored to have you with us. Together, there is great hope.

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Welcome to Season Six: Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family. This first episode of the new year is dedicated to the letter T in The Curated Life episode. In it, we discover what love has to do with tension, transformation, and trust. Have you ever played with the nuances of a new life in Christ? Ask yourselves: * If the kingdom of God is at hand, what’s really changed? * If the law is love now, what’s different? * Since Jesus finished the work and made me righteous, how can I let that truth change my relationship with myself? How does that change my relationship with God and you?

The design for our human stories works with the law but isn't powered by it. Sometimes, in legalistic families, we get distracted and never discover our God-given identity. In homes that don't believe the government is on God's shoulders, we don't find our unique purpose in the world either. We may spend our lives doing many good things without experiencing the fulfillment we're created to enjoy in an economy of love. Linger in these takeaways and share this episode with a friend: * In this world, we will have tension. Everything is not yet the way it’s supposed to be - and we will add the power of love or the power of fear to the places in our stories where life feels out of control. Fear is an inflammatory response. Love is an anti-inflammatory. * Transformation doesn’t happen the way conformity does. We’ve spent a long time learning to conform to the law and missing out on the transformation love offers. We don’t have to keep putting new wine in old wineskins—especially not at home. * When we add love to our experiences of tension, we begin to notice new changes that look more like transformation than conformity. This is the power of an environment of trust. Trust is the soil that offers the air of safety. Safety to fail - and recover without shame, so we can help the people who trust us recover without shame, too.

Visit john15academy.com and sign up for THE CURATED LIFE newsletter. This year, it arrives only once a month, but it will point you to blog posts you might have missed about how you can restore the lost art of family in your own home. You’ll be the first to hear the big news when the Restoring the Lost Art of Being family Manifesto Janet is writing is published, and you can download it for free. And, you’ll be the first to get the news about a new e-book coming soon, news about a curriculum we’re writing for churches who want to help restore the lost art of being family in their communities, find out where Janet is speaking this year, or connect with her about speaking to your church or community. Please join us on this mission. We can’t restore the lost art of being family by working in isolation. That would be the old way, not the way of flourishing in an economy of love. We are a donor-supported podcast and a community-supported non-profit. We’d be delighted for you to join our financial support team. Together, there is great hope.

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In this end-of-year episode, we're reflecting on our journey, celebrating the present, and looking ahead at 2025 with gratitude and hope. Join us to hear some of our favorite transformation stories from 2024 and our clarified vision for 2025. You’re in the right place if... 1. You believe growing pains are worth it because they mean you’re maturing into who God created you to be. 2. You’re looking for hope and encouragement as you embrace transformation in your family and life. 3. You want to celebrate the moments when God’s clarity shines through, even on a winding road.

At John 15 Academy, we're embracing the mission of Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family. We envision families where love bridges the gap between our worst fears about ourselves and God’s vision for who we’re created to be. In 2025, we’re narrowing our focus to deepen our impact by creating a curriculum for churches and consulting with non-profits. Our goal is to help families embrace the transformation that love offers, moving beyond the fear-driven pursuit of 'measuring up' to a life of authentic growth and connection. Please prayerfully consider giving generously to our end-of-year giving campaign and help us meet our goal of raising $50,000 to help us pursue this meaningful work. Takeaways from this episode: 1. Growth often comes with growing pains, but those moments of discomfort are signs that you’re growing into the person God created you to be - and who He already sees you to be. 2. Clarity comes through surrender—trust God with your journey, and He’ll lead you to a clearer, more meaningful path. 3. The future is full of hope when we lean into transformational relationships that reflect God’s love and truth.

Enjoy these popular LOVE IS FEARLESS episodes, mentioned in our conversation today - #76 - Why Integrity Matters with Scott Morrison #86 - Why Love is the Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage with John Lynch DON'T FORGET—We have merchandise! You can find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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You’re in the right place if… * You’ve been longing to understand how to build true resilience in yourself and your family, especially in a world where life often feels chaotic and overwhelming. * You’re looking for practical insights on how receiving from God rather than striving in your own strength can transform your peace, relationships, and daily life. * You want to create a home where connection with God and others isn’t just an idea but a way of life that fosters rest, resilience, and growth for you and your loved ones.

Doug and Janet share an energizing and inspirational conversation about these key ideas: Receiving from God: We often equate resilience with pushing through and striving, but true resilience begins with receiving—accepting God’s love, wisdom, and strength as the basis for living rather than relying solely on ourselves. We discuss how being a “receiver” of God’s truth can help dissolve fear and build a foundation of peace. Rest Over Striving: When we begin with rest, we allow God to be the primary resource for our lives. We share how a daily rhythm of “receiving and resting” in His truth can actually build stronger resilience, versus the burnout that comes from self-reliance. Secure Attachments as a Source of Strength: Building resilience starts with secure attachments to God, family, and community. Living with a secure attachment means we don’t have to be our own best resource; instead, we experience transformation through relational connections that ground us. Transformational Relationships Over Transactional Ones: Too often, we look at relationships transactionally, expecting to get something in return. In contrast, transformational relationships foster growth by creating environments where emotional safety, truth-telling, and encouragement lead to real resilience. Linger in these TAKEAWAYS: 1. Resilience Begins with Receiving – Building resilience doesn’t mean pushing harder; it means receiving fully from God and leaning into the support He offers through His presence, His Word, and our secure relationships. 2. Rest as a Rhythm for Resilience—Resilience thrives when we intentionally rest and refuse to hustle out of fear. Making rest a daily habit strengthens our ability to face challenges with peace and confidence. 3. Secure Attachment is Foundational – Secure attachments to God and others empower us to live fearlessly. In safe relationships, we experience a transformation that helps us handle life’s difficulties with a rooted sense of peace, love, and resilience. Support Our Work! This episode also launches our year-end fundraising campaign for John 15 Academy. With a $50K goal, your support will go directly towards our new curriculum project, designed to help families create transformational connections. This project will impact both our church community and non-profit partners who support women who are healing from abuse and trauma. Learn more and join us in our mission to create environments where families can experience healing, hope, and wholeness. Together, there is great hope! Thank you for tuning in, and let us know what resonates most with you! Email Janet@janetnewberry.com to request a copy of Susie Larson's prayer we read in this episode. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET—We have merchandise! You can find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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You're in the right place if - * you've ever wondered why your home sometimes feels like a battleground rather than a safe haven, and you long for more connection and peace. * you feel stuck in cycles of fear, control, and performance in your relationships and want to learn how to build a truly supportive home environment. * you’re ready to shift from focusing on “good” appearances to creating a home where everyone feels safe, loved, and truly supported. * if you want to understand how to make quick and meaningful repairs in relationships, even when things go wrong, to build a culture of trust and resilience.

In this episode, we share the practical characteristics of a supportive and unsupportive environment at home. We also share stories about how relationships get stuck or unstuck based on the environment we breathe in. Janet shares a powerful reflection about the families she supports in consulting relationships. "So many times, families reach out because their child is stuck in a chronic struggle. In almost every case, the home environment is “good” based on cultural standards. But the child’s struggle is tied to a family dynamic where safety—explicitly or implicitly—is missing. I’ve seen profound transformation when parents begin to intentionally repair the damage done by a lack of safety. Disabilities become capabilities. Dysregulation becomes regulation. A supportive home environment truly brings healing." Listen to this episode to find great hope and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: 1. Transformational relationships are built on love, trust, and grace, not on control or performance. When love leads, fear loses its grip. 2. A supportive home environment is not perfect, but it prioritizes quick repairs through confession, repentance, and transformation to maintain safety and connection. 3. Making your home a safe place involves more than meeting physical needs—it means nourishing each person’s mind, body, and soul, with joy, rest, order, and healthy boundaries. 4. When we make repairs and lead from a non-anxious presence, we teach our children how to navigate struggles with resilience and security. This helps everyone in the family grow into who God says they are.

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Visit our recently updated website! john15academy.com Find powerful resources from our friends at trueface.org. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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We recorded this episode less than one week after Hurricane Helene ravaged the southeastern United States, knowing it would publish one day after the presidential elections. Devastating loss is all around. So is chaos. Fear has been eating our peace for lunch since this decade began. Maybe it's because what we're experiencing isn't really peace. Maybe it's pseudo-peace. Listen in as we share wisdom from Dr. Jim Wilder, Dr. Todd Hall, Dr. Curt Thompson, Jamie Winship and more. We start this episode with this working definition of PEACE: Peace is not just the absence of conflict; it’s a deep sense of security and relational harmony. It comes from trusting God, living in our true identity, and being deeply connected to others in love and truth. Peace allows us to live without fear, rooted in our identity in Christ, and to offer grace and connection to others. We share personal stories of chaos and moving on in the direction we learned from insecure attachment patterns - and how that's different than moving on in the direction we experience in secure relationships with God and others. Listen and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: 1. Peace isn’t something we have outside of a secure relationship. It is the gift of a secure relationship. Parents, peace is a gift we’re designed to give our children, so they will learn to receive it from their heavenly Father, too. 2. "And everything I've taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!" John 16:33 (The Passion Translation) 3. Ultimately, healing our early attachment wounds and moving toward secure attachment with God and others is essential for experiencing true peace in life. True peace comes from living in our authentic identity, secure in God’s love and grace, and being able to offer that same love and security in our relationships with others.

Please pray with us about our upcoming end of year campaign for John 15 Academy. Because we're excited about a new initiative we get to offer that will have impact and influence on hundreds (maybe thousands!) of families, we're setting our biggest fundraising goal ever. Visit our website to sign up for our newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, and to give now. We promised links to these three LIF episodes in today's conversation: An episode from New Year's Eve, 2019 - #79 - How Does Fear Make Us Weak? We talk about the healing power of lament in #134 - G is for GRIEF, GRATITUDE, and GENEROSITY An episode with John Lynch - #86 - Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find fun choices by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com. Thank you, Jana Dickson, for making a donation to John 15 Academy for every purchase made from this collection. Together, there is great hope.

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Once upon a time, gas stations gave you a choice - leaded or unleaded fuel. Now, the choice we make is now how unleaded do we want to be? If we pay more, we get cleaner fuel - which is better for our vehicles, but also better for the environment. We have this choice at home, too. We can either run on the fuel by design or fuel by default. By default, we buy the cheap stuff. Fear and shame get the job done. It burns dirty, but it doesn’t cost much - and it works. By design, we make a different choice. Love and truth are not cheap. They cost us time. They require that we sacrifice the efficiency and control that fear and shame give us in our relationships. But they offer something more that efficiency and control can never provide. Learning to benefit from love and truth as the fuel in our homes, instead of the fuel of fear and shame, is the heart of everything we offer at John 15 Academy - and it is the foundational message of this podcast. Find resources and an invitation to support our work with families on our website. In this episode, we make key distinctions between "the old way" of fear and shame and "the new way" of Jesus, and we offer these TAKEAWAYS: * Life by default offers a good life. Life by design offers an abundant life–more than we can ever dream or imagine. * A man-made life conforms us to the patterns of the empire/this world. We are our own source. A God-made life transforms us more and more into the likeness of Jesus - and we only experience transformation when we follow the way of Jesus. The way of Jesus is a God-sourced life. * The New Way is the original way. The old way is a knock-off. It’s like buying a counterfeit story and counting on it to be a fairy tale. We are designed to be transformed. We will never be satisfied in a life of conformity–no matter how high we set the standards. * As parent and youth leaders and pastors, we get frustrated when we don’t see evidence of spiritual transformation–but we don’t stop to consider that transformation is impossible in a transactional system.

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Contemplate new ideas in Janet's book - Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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We're jumping back into THE CURATED LIFE alphabet in this episode - marking places on the map of our new life in Christ in the Kingdom of God. You're in the right place if... * you’re ready to make a change - not just in what you’re eating or how much you’re exercising, but you’re ready to look honestly at the stories you’re telling yourself and at the relationships that are having a significant effect on your soul. * you feel exhausted by performance-driven living and parenting and want to create a home where love, acceptance, and growth are non-negotiable. * you want to understand how meeting your family's true needs can lead to deeper connection, joy, and spiritual health.

Doug and I are geeking out right now about the great resources on Dr. Ben Edward's website. We're excited about nourishing our bodies in the way God designed them to stay healthy. And we're recognizing that our family relationships need nourishment, too. Without relational nutrition, our relationships shrink instead of grow. Our relationships get sick instead of heal. In today's conversation, we're playing with an analogy that our families are the carburetors in our homes--designed to make clean energy with love, not fear. Transformational relationships offer love in these individual-sized portions: 1. Emotional safety 2. Active listening 3. Grace over performance 4. Consistent routines 5. Conflict resolution 6. Encouragement and affirmation 7. Presence and engagement 8. Shared responsibility 9. Spiritual growth 10. Freedom to struggle

Learn more about offering this menu of relational nutrition to your family and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * When we struggle in a culture of fear, we often change the truth. The change conforms us to the patterns of this world and deforms God’s story for our lives. When we struggle in a culture of love, the truth changes us. The change is called maturity, God’s story for our lives. God calls this change transformation. * In the kingdom of God, love is a process of meeting needs, not rewarding or punishing behavior. As parents, when we say “I love you” to our child, we mean, “I will meet your needs and help you tell your story more truly.” We can say that to our children because we’ve let God say that to us. * We can build homes where families intentionally prioritize transformational relationships, build emotionally supportive environments, and enjoy an identity-focused lifestyle that metabolizes the potential damage of excessive transactional relationships, emotionally immature environments, and a performance-obsessed lifestyle that feels toxic–because it is.

Enjoy these resources, mentioned in this episode: Veritas Wellness, Dr. Ben Edwards John 15 Academy The Power of Knowing Your True Identity - You're The Cure - a conversation with Dr. Ben Edwards and Jamie Winship LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. You can follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE—A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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We're honored to welcome David Gregory to the Love Is Fearless podcast today. David is a bestselling author known for his compelling storytelling and insightful exploration of human connections, including our connection to God. His upcoming book, One of Us, promises to explore profound themes that resonate deeply with our journey of living loved and fearless. Join us as we dive into a conversation about identity, belonging, and the transformative power of understanding our shared humanity. We highlight these quotes from this retelling of the gospel, set in current times, in modern-day America: * "God is going to completely change things up," he announced. "So get ready. Change how you think about God. Believe what he's about to show you." * "God is completely changing how your lives are going to work," he proclaimed. "A bigger change than you ever imagined. A new government is right around the corner. God's government. A new system is coming! A totally new arrangement! The bulldozers are already on the way." * "The time has arrived to accomplish what I'd come to earth for: to connect people to El Papa."

The TAKEAWAYS from this episode are questions for our listeners to play with: 1. Creativity is a gift in the Kingdom of God—and when we’re afraid, we conform instead of create. If you could create anything that would benefit humanity today, what gift would you give to our world? 2. What would be different in your life today if Jesus came to your town? What keeps you from believing He’s here now? 3. “God is completely changing how your lives are going to work,” he proclaimed. “A bigger change than you ever imagined. A new government is right around the corner. God’s government. A new system is coming! A totally new arrangement! The bulldozers are already on the way.” What if Jesus drives a bulldozer? What hope can you find when you trust He’s already changed the world and now we get to live like the change has already happened?

One of Us is available on davidgregorybooks.com, Amazon, and other online bookstores. David's new website, freewithGod.com, is coming soon! Other books by David Gregory include: The Rest of the Gospel: When The Partial Gospel Has Worn You Out by Dan Stone and David Gregory Dinner With A Perfect Stranger: An Invitation Worth Considering Beyond Rules: God As You Never Imagined If Jesus Loves Me, Why Isn't This Working? LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. You can follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE—A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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Today’s episode is about how the traditions of fear and law teach us to navigate marriage, money, and mystery–and how safe relationships and secure environments transform our distorted stories. You’re in the right place if… 1. Your marriage is good. You have a good routine. You even have date nights built into your routine. But if you’re honest, even the conversations you share on date nights have become routine–and if you’re really honest, you wonder if there’s something better than a good routine. 2. Your finances are in good shape. You’ve survived COVID, and the inflation of grocery prices has been noticeable to you but not detrimental to your family. You even give an offering at church and make a few charitable contributions to causes you care about at the end of every year. But if you’re really honest, there’s a thought buried deep inside that tries to come to the surface that says, “Playing it safe in the kingdom is different than playing it safe in the empire,”--and you’re curious. 3. Your marriage is not good–or you’re not even married. Your finances are not good either. But you are on a journey of restoration. You’re hungry for wisdom, not just another formula–or a better way to stick to a stale routine or false tradition.

We've discovered a hunger for wisdom in our journeys of healing and wholeness. Wisdom is not the same as validation for what we've already known and are desperate to prove because we need to be correct. Being rightly related provides the safety we need to risk changing our minds. Join Doug and Janet in this conversation about marriage, money, and mystery in the kingdom of God and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * The kingdom is a safe place to do the real work of recovering from the empire. * The kingdom of God is a wealth of resources, and we experience the benefits of these resources when we see them with the eyes of faith. Contemplation, creativity, and collaboration solve problems that tradition, legalism, and self-effort can't resolve. * "When we are powerless to do a thing, it is a great joy that we can come and step inside the ability of Jesus." (Corrie Ten Boom) This is the power of grace. In the kingdom of God, we discover we have personal agency--and that gift gets lost in the empires of this world. Better than that, we find out we have the power of grace. God's agency is more powerful than our own--and we are abiding in Him, and He is abiding in us.

These valuable resources are a part of this episode: Strong Like Water--Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things & Experience True Flourishing by Aundi Kolber Living Fearless - Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God by Jamie Winship Secure Love - Create A Relationship That Lasts A Lifetime by Julie Menanno Season Three of the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast - Love Is A Process of Meeting Needs LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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The worldview of the state we grew up in significantly impacted our view of personal identity, worthiness, and purpose in life. Our worldview teaches us what to value. It also teaches us our language, including the words we use and the stories we tell ourselves. More than that, our worldview constructs our nervous systems, so even when we want to change, we can't--without supernatural intervention. You're in the right place: * If you’re brave enough to admit you’re stuck. It's not that you don't fit it in--you do. You may even be successful. But the underlying stuff that’s nagged you for a while is not going away. It may even be getting worse. * If you love God and love church and want to pretend that all this deconstructing faith stuff is a lousy pandemic. You pray it will end soon. OR - you love God, and it’s painful to go to church, and you’re deconstructing your faith, but it seems the new theology you’re embracing is still drawing lines in the sand, which is one of the reasons why going to church is painful and you started deconstructing your faith, to begin with. * If you have ever considered this idea, Jesus didn’t come to train a few followers in a new message, who then went out and changed the world. Jesus changed the world and sent out followers who embodied that change because they had trusted and experienced it. They invited others to step into what was already changed because Jesus had already changed everything.

The disciples didn’t change the world; Jesus did. The disciples died because people didn’t want the changes Jesus made, but that didn’t re-establish the world to its previous state. This episode is a wild ride, friends. Thank you for believing in the changes Jesus made with us. We conclude this conversation with these TAKEAWAYS: * We’re either going to listen to the stories written in our nervous systems, or we’re going to listen to God. Listening to God will rewrite our stories because it will rewire our nervous systems. * New relational experiences matter because those experiences are how we construct a new nervous system that allows our new identity to live and have an impact. Without building a new nervous system, we’ll try to live in our true identity in a false state. * For such a time as this, the impact of our God-given identity will be as a part of the construction crew for God’s kingdom. Our identity is our gift to the world. The kingdom is here now, and we’re building it. A new state. A new worldview.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Contemplate new ideas in Janet's book - Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning.Contemplate new ideas in Jamie Winship's book -Living Fearless - Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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If you’ve listened to even a few of our latest episodes, you know we’re digging in pretty deep into Jamie Winship’s teachings about our God-given unique identity and his teachings about worldview. Why is identity and worldview important? Jamie reminds us that organized religion is very resistant to paradigm shifts, and he explains it this way. “We’ve exchanged the great commandment for the great commission. Instead of lovers, we’re theological conflict starters, with a goal of overpowering.” How we see the King determines how we interact with the King. How we see ourselves determines how we interact with the King. How we see the Kingdom determines how we impact the world. In this episode, we remind ourselves that the kingdom is about a family. God is our Father. We linger in the dynamic sweetness of this question, "What does it look like to live confidently as His child?" Father is singing a song over us as His children and we may have missed the key change. The kingdom of heaven is at hand. That changes everything. Join us in this new conversation, and prayerfully consider these TAKEAWAYS: * Changing how we see ourselves, how we see the King, and how we see the world impacts how we engage with God, how we engage our stories, and how we impact the world. * We have a King who sets us free and who came to earth to show us how to live free, not simply to announce we’ve been set free. * This journey in our earthly bodies is experienced in the Empire, but the story Father has written for our lives since before the beginning of time is experienced in the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is at hand.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

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Christopher Cook says, "Transformation doesn't happen in a day. Transformation happens daily." And this is true, too: Conforming doesn't happen in a day either. Conforming to the patterns of our insecure attachments happens daily, too. Until it doesn't. Father is committed to our healing and transformation, friends. Our part is to let it happen. We get to keep putting ourselves in the way of faith, hope, and love. We get to keep on remembering that we are in the Father's keeping. Join Janet and Doug in this episode about the power of JOY, JESUS, and TRUTH-TELLING and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - 1. “Your truth is a trap. For me in my story, the first step was surrender. But surrender wasn’t giving up, it was giving into a process of confrontation of my dysfunction that would lead to transformation and the renovation of my heart–to use the language of Dallas Willard.” Chris writes about the trap of self-creation in his book, Healing What You Can’t Erase. This quote is from a podcast conversation Christ had with Dr. Lee Warren. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spiritual-brain-surgery-with-dr-lee-warren/id1727926069?i=1000649682902 2. In that same podcast, Dr. Warren said - "Our great Physician designed our minds to interface with Him and influence the wiring of our brain to optimize the function of our bodies. And He did that so we can live this life we’re created to live. We are transformed so we can help other people transform. (Isaiah 61)" 3. Insecure attachments are the patterns of this world. Being transformed happens when we participate in the renewing of our minds and building an earned, secure attachment to Our Father–who still speaks. “Abide in Me” means more than we can imagine. (Janet Newberry)

Janet and Doug mention these resources in this episode - Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED at janetnewberry.com Hailey Paige Magee - STOP People Pleasing And Find Your PowerSECURE LOVE - Create A Relationship That Lasts A Lifetime by Julie Mananno, The Secure Relationship Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com

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Episode #136 is all about wiping the fog off the mirror and looking more clearly at our worldview. For a long time, "worldview" was a philosophical concept, but it wasn't very practical to us. This episode unveils the freedom we find when we admit there's more than one way to see the world. God doesn’t see us the way the world does. God doesn’t see the world the way we do either. Seeing ourselves from God’s perspective is a big deal. Seeing the world from God’s perspective is a big deal, too. How does God view me? That’s my identity – and He knows me best because He made me. How does God view the world? That’s the worldview I want to see. You’re in the right place if - * You’re ready to live in peace. Our lifestyles are sourced in fear and scarcity. Our souls are cluttered. Even though our identity with God is settled for eternity, we’re distracted here and now. Fear–in one form or another– prevents contemplation so we stay stuck in false identities and false traditions–that keep us living in conflict instead of at peace. * You’re curating a life of faith–intentionally putting yourself in relationships with people who help you see yourself the way God does…and who help you see life (and the world) the way God does, too. * You’re risking something other than a status-quo life. You’re trusting that voice inside you that tells you there’s more than the current state of our social structure and the values that come with a traditional life.

God isn’t building an empire; He’s building a kingdom—and we believe that, before the beginning of time, He knit us together in our mother’s womb with unique identities. That means God has wired us to contribute our gifts to each other, to our community, and to the world–to help bring His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. And He’s wired us so that we need the gifts others are wired to contribute, too. TAKEAWAYS - 1. Living loved happens more often in a connection worldview than in a separation worldview–and living loved generates a connection worldview, too. Giving what others need and receiving what we need is a dynamic way to explain what it means to love one another. 2. God is asking us, “Can I help you think differently about the world around you?” 3. Fear is the biggest obstacle to innovation. A worldview based on love and interconnectedness is necessary for positive change. Learning to view ourselves and the world the way God does is becoming my new way of understanding how Jesus, the Source of our lives, gives sight to the blind.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities, including an 11x14 poster for sale for only $12 that reads - She was not hindered by fear. Nor was she penned in by personal preferences. Her mind was curious and her heart was open and alive. Visit the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com In Season Three, we started a new conversation with Scott Morrison in episode #76 - WHY INTEGRITY MATTERS. Check it out! We found inspiration for this episode in many sources, including these podcast episodes - Knowing Your Identity + Hearing From God with Jamie Winship Education is The Key To ALL Social Issues with Jamie Winship Janet's book Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning shares innovative ideas for families and educators about childhood in a connected worldview. Get your copy on Amazon today.

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Episode #136 is all about wiping the fog off the mirror and looking more clearly at our worldview. For a long time, "worldview" was a philosophical concept, but it wasn't very practical to us. This episode unveils the freedom we find when we admit there's more than one way to see the world. God doesn’t see us the way the world does. God doesn’t see the world the way we do either. Seeing ourselves from God’s perspective is a big deal. Seeing the world from God’s perspective is a big deal, too. How does God view me? That’s my identity – and He knows me best because He made me. How does God view the world? That’s the worldview I want to see. You’re in the right place if - * You’re ready to live in peace. Our lifestyles are sourced in fear and scarcity. Our souls are cluttered. Even though our identity with God is settled for eternity, we’re distracted here and now. Fear–in one form or another– prevents contemplation so we stay stuck in false identities and false traditions–that keep us living in conflict instead of at peace. * You’re curating a life of faith–intentionally putting yourself in relationships with people who help you see yourself the way God does…and who help you see life (and the world) the way God does, too. * You’re risking something other than a status-quo life. You’re trusting that voice inside you that tells you there’s more than the current state of our social structure and the values that come with a traditional life.

God isn’t building an empire; He’s building a kingdom—and we believe that, before the beginning of time, He knit us together in our mother’s womb with unique identities. That means God has wired us to contribute our gifts to each other, to our community, and to the world–to help bring His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. And He’s wired us so that we need the gifts others are wired to contribute, too. TAKEAWAYS - 1. Living loved happens more often in a connection worldview than in a separation worldview–and living loved generates a connection worldview, too. Giving what others need and receiving what we need is a dynamic way to explain what it means to love one another. 2. God is asking us, “Can I help you think differently about the world around you?” 3. Fear is the biggest obstacle to innovation. A worldview based on love and interconnectedness is necessary for positive change. Learning to view ourselves and the world the way God does is becoming my new way of understanding how Jesus, the Source of our lives, gives sight to the blind.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities, including an 11x14 poster for sale for only $12 that reads - She was not hindered by fear. Nor was she penned in by personal preferences. Her mind was curious and her heart was open and alive. Visit the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com In Season Three, we started a new conversation with Scott Morrison in episode #76 - WHY INTEGRITY MATTERS. Check it out! We found inspiration for this episode in many sources, including these podcast episodes - Knowing Your Identity + Hearing From God with Jamie Winship Education is The Key To ALL Social Issues with Jamie Winship Janet's book Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning shares innovative ideas for families and educators about childhood in a connected worldview. Get your copy on Amazon today.

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LOVE IS FEARLESS is a lifestyle that embraces intentionally curating a personal narrative with a different MO because we recognize experiences of peace instead of anxiety and love instead of fear. Season Five is a journey through THE CURATED LIFE alphabet. We're making a map of these experiences in the Kingdom of God. You’re in the right place if - * You’re aware of the dangers, risks, and threats in the world today but you don’t want your nervous system shaped by what you’re afraid of. You want your nervous system transformed by what you love–and what loves you. * You’ve seen enough on social media or read a few new non-fiction bestsellers to notice that people with trustworthy credentials are starting new conversations. The “power through” and “pull yourselves up by your bootstraps” strategies many of us have relied on for ourselves and in our parenting–are part of the problem with our relationships, our mental health, and the distance we sense in our relationship with God. * You’re not lying to yourself any more about the risks of too much sugar, too many artificial ingredients, or too little sleep–and you’re willing to examine how you’re curating a life that builds a secure nervous system and safe relationships, not just a secure financial story or an admirable social media front.

For too long, we've predicted our future based on our history instead of based on our God. A future dependent on measuring up depends on a lifestyle fueled by fear. Fear is the gas we self-generate. A future dependent on growing up into the identity God gives us (not based on our successes or failures) depends on a lifestyle fueled by love. Love is a gift we receive from God and others. In the Kingdom of God, we live from our identity not from our resume. When our history is touched by humility, our stories honor God instead of ourselves. Linger for a while in these TAKEAWAYS: 1. God doesn’t see us as beneficial based on our success according to worldly standards. God sees us as His children and He equips us to bring the kingdom to the empire, not the empire to the kingdom 2. My history is not my future if my personal narrative is set in the Kingdom of God. 3. We are going on a journey of transformation because we recognize that what we have become is not all we can be. The challenge isn’t simply becoming something different. The challenge is unbecoming all we were never meant to be and becoming all we are invited to be as a community that trusts God in a broken world.

We share wisdom from these friends and resources in this episode: John Lynch/John Lynch Speaks Kingdom, Grace, Judgment, Paradox, Outrage, and Vindication in the Parables of Jesus by Robert Farrar Capon LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy. New boost

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In season five, we’re having conversations about the atmosphere we breathe in, the rhythms we create, and the relationships and ideas we trust—and how different these things are when we live loved instead of living afraid. You’re in the right place if - * You’re ready to create a lifestyle for yourself that builds a context for transformation instead of a context for conforming to the patterns of this world. * You’re NOT ready to plant a flag in the land of losing, even though you’re NOT winning right now–at least not in the way the world describes victory. * You’re recognizing that when you orient your life around a personal identity based on what you have, what you do, and what other people think of you - you learn to navigate painful emotions in ways that write the next scenes of your life based on your pain instead of based on God’s presence in your pain.

In this episode, we're discovering that the place of grief is often where we discover our hearts' longings and our real values. Pain wants us to listen to fear instead of Love, but gratitude—not for the pain but for God's presence with us in the pain—is an antidote to fear. If you're experiencing grief in this chapter of your story, join Janet and Doug on this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * Ebenezer is a Hebrew word that means “stone of help.” It has become synonymous with the idea of God reaching down to lend a helping hand to those most in need. In the Kingdom of God, we can set an Ebenezer stone in the parts of our story where things are not good because something’s missing–or because someone is missing. The stone can be a reminder of what we found in our grief that was heavy with value, not simply heavy with pain. * GRATITUDE is a CONFESSION of trust in God's goodness. It is a way of moving from our sympathetic nervous system to our parasympathetic nervous system and holding God’s hand as He leads us to the playground of our mind. * GENEROSITY is the fruit of living loved instead of afraid.

In the Kingdom of God, we have the benefit of not being our own experts. There is an order to things. Wisdom takes the lead. We get to follow. And we get to choose who we follow - who influences us. In this episode, Janet says, "Most of the conversations we have in our marriage are about something we’re reading, listening to, or noticing in the lives of people we trust to lead us. We share wisdom from these friends and influencers in this episode: Dan Allender - Janet read a quote from this article in this episode. https://theallendercenter.org/2016/06/hidden-hope-lament/ Dr. Curt Thompson Dr. Todd Hall Jamie Winship LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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You’re in the right place if: * You’re curious about FREEDOM because you want it but you’re not experiencing it. * You’re afraid of FREEDOM because when you offer it to your kids, life seems to go off the rails and circumstances seem to get worse instead of better. Control seems to be a better option. * You’ve heard the original good news of the gospel—that you’re not a sinner striving to become a saint, but a saint who sometimes sins—AND you’re wondering why you feel stuck in your old story instead of hopeful in your new life.

In this episode, Doug and Janet are playing with putting these four words together like the four sides of a puzzle: freedom, connection, completeness, and maturity. This is the puzzle we’re discovering called LIFE in the KINGDOM. Contrast those four sides of the puzzle: bondage, separateness, scarcity, and immaturity. This is the puzzle we’re walking out of called LIFE in the EMPIRE. Here's why it matters: When I believe in my completeness, my self-talk is generative, my desires are generous, and my relationships bear good fruit. When I believe in my lack, I tell myself a distorted self-story. My self-talk is critical. My desire is to control what you think of me and protect my image. I need to consume more, and I believe what I need to acquire is scarce--so I live in conflict with others. In the empires of this world, it is impossible for me to love you because I don't see myself truly. This episode is deep, wide, and practical. Linger in these takeaways and share this one with your friends. * Freedom in Christ is most realized when the person reflecting me back to me sees me as complete instead of lacking. * Discovering how to persevere in struggle and recover from getting off course when I pursue the desires I follow, believing lies about myself, is a key part of my journey to wholeness and maturity. * JAMES 1:2-5 (NIV) Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection, including T-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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The kingdom of God offers us a different kind of energy than the empire of the world. The source of kingdom energy is God. His energy is love, and when we’re aware that we’re plugged into this power, we experience peace--not anxiety. Love energy is supernatural energy. That's one big reason why living loved feels so different from living afraid, so you’re in the right place if - * You’re tired of running on the fuel of fear and anxiety and you’re hungry for permission to believe in something more. * You enjoy hearing supernatural stories that empower you to believe in more than your natural eyes can see and your natural ears can hear. * You’re ready to live a life trusting that you are valuable and protected by the God of the Universe who is your Father - and who is inviting you into a love story of epic proportions because you are His child.

In this episode, Janet tells a supernatural love story, and Doug reminds us that the way things are in our world is not the way things can be in the kingdom. God is making all things new—and that’s His provision. He protects the vulnerable and writes a new story that's impossible without Him. Dare to imagine a supernatural love story with God as you listen to this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * Don’t simply pray for broken relationships to be healed. Pray for God’s power to bring forth a new relationship to enjoy where broken has been something you’ve lived with for too long. * Empowered means “giving someone the authority or power to do something” or “making someone stronger and more confident.” Being empowered in the Kingdom of God is very different from being empowered in the systems that exist in our world today because the roots of these systems were built before Jesus gave us a new heart, a new covenant, and ushered in a new kingdom. * The energy in the kingdom of God primarily protects the vulnerable and provides the priceless. As followers of Jesus, we have this power, too. We are empowered and can empower others - with love, not fear.

Janet and Doug talk about these resources in this episode: Episode #72 - Anxiety, Depression, and the Energy LOVE Offers The Heart Of Man It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection, including t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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This episode could be titled: Tomato Plants, Polar Bears, and Humans - that’s going to make more sense as we get farther into our conversation, but you're in the right place if: * You need more than relief - you need a new story. * Sometimes, your imagination runs wild with love instead of fear. * You have ever dared to consider this idea - Jesus didn’t come to train a few followers in a new message who then went out and changed the world. Jesus changed the world and sent out followers who embodied that change because they had trusted and experienced it in their lives.

Everything changes in the Kingdom! Romans 12:2 tells us, "Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God's will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes. (TPT) The dreams we have in the empire of the world are not the kind of dreams God created us to imagine and enjoy - because the kingdom of God is at hand - so why would He give us worldly dreams? You're in the right place if you're imagining something more than a way to cope with the systems of this world. Join Janet and Doug in a new, mind-stretching episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * The gospel is bigger than we thought - a new identity, a new family, and a new kingdom. * How did we become convinced that helping people cope is the best we can hope for? * Are we dreaming empire dreams or kingdom dreams?

Listen to the interview we talked about with Susie Larson and Jamie Winship here - HEARING FROM GOD It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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We’re recording this episode one month after the end of the holiday season - and as much as we all get excited about Christmas parties and family gatherings…most of the families we talk to are still navigating some confusing and maybe some painful relationship struggles that have carried over into the new year. You’re in the right place if - * You come from a good family but your family relationships are some of the most challenging - or maybe most painful. You want to be a good family member and do the right thing but honestly, sometimes, family is the place where there are more accusers than defenders. * The conversations in your family of origin haven’t changed over time because the people in your family haven’t changed. The most emotionally unstable person gets to be in charge - or have the most influence. People still choose sides as a way of self-protecting or self-promoting. When you think about it, your good family has as many things in common with a gang as it does with an alliance. * You’re hungry for people who can help you heal instead of simply winning an argument or being the star of the show at family reunions. You’re more excited about being transformed than being conformed to the patterns of your childhood that taught you to live afraid in the first place.

Your family matters because those relationships formed your identity - whether it is the identity that God imprinted in your DNA or not. If you’re being intentional about learning to live loved instead of afraid at this season of your life right now, learning to live afraid was what you learned first in your family of origin. The Curated Life alphabet will give you some new landmarks to put on your daily map - so you can build a life and a community that will impact and influence you with the love that reminds you who God says you are. Listen in as Doug and Janet talk about "family conversations" in the kingdom of God and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * Conversations will either transform us or conform us to the patterns of this world. Conversations are culture carriers. We learn who we are and what we value in the words we hear and speak - and the patterns we develop for how we exchange words with each other - or the patterns for how we avoid exchanging words with each other. * Safe, generative, deep conversations are one of the most defining signposts in a culture of love - and shallow conversations riddled with guilt, shame, bullying, sarcasm, and dismissive accusations are possibly the most recognizable negative cycles in a culture of fear. * Conversations will either transform the world around us or conform the world around us. It is not the world that generates our conversations. It is our conversations that generate our world.

In this episode, we suggest listening to others have safe, generative, deep conversations as part of your Curated Life. Susie Larson and Jamie Winship have some of the most transformative conversations we've heard. A few suggestions include - Discovering Your True Self As You Fight Your Fears Believing What's True This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode with John Lynch shares the power of PERMISSION in a Curated Life. Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage Janet's book includes questions that build generative conversations. Education By Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning Doug read a selection from Jamie Winship's book Living Fearless to help you experience the difference between generative and formulaic conversations. Share today's episode with a friend and then share your considerations and questions with each other in a safe, generative, deep conversation. Together, there is great hope.

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B stands for BEAUTY in THE CURATED LIFE alphabet because we're letting God be our narrative therapist and He is helping us draw a map out of the land of fear stories into the land of love stories. If you missed episode #128, "B is for BEAUTY," check it out! Our guest in this episode is Joshua Gordon. Josh is a lay pastor, husband, dad to five kids, business owner, and author of Antidote For My Anxiety. He writes honestly and openly about his journey of faith, and how Jesus brings change in areas of struggle, frustration, and difficulty. Join us in a new conversation about beauty where we invite you to trust these life-giving truths - * Beauty gives me a great sense of honor. * Beauty can transport us. It can lift our eyes from whatever mess we’re in. * Beauty is hope - and the sense of hope reminds me, “That’s Jesus!”

Joshua's book begins with “I have big feelings, and they are a target.” Isn't that where so many of our stories begin? Or where our stories get stuck? Today's conversation invites you to linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * My feelings of stress, fear, etc... are signal flags indicating areas where Jesus needs my cooperation to further heal my heart. * A vibrant, passionate relationship with Jesus (i.e., one where he has earned my trust... and I have risked giving it) most often grows in deeply uncomfortable circumstances. * Jesus is my Antidote. I need to go back to Him again and again. And again.

RUN! Don't dawdle to Lazarusbooks.com to buy your own copy of Antidote For My Anxiety and follow Josh on IG @joshuahgordon. We predict you'll go back and buy more copies for friends and family, too. It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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You’re in the right place if - * You’re wondering why you’ve checked off all the boxes on the roadmap to success but you’re still struggling - with your habits, your finances, your spouse, or your emotions. * You’re wondering why you keep getting sucked into the same destructive cycles in your story even if you’re really smart. * You’re beginning to recognize that your relational assets are as important in your story as any other assets.

In season five, we’re committed to helping you embrace a primary goal of living loved instead of simply measuring up. Trying to measure up makes us afraid of not measuring up. Living loved often helps us experience success without the artificial ingredient of fear. The Curated Life alphabet is going to give you some new landmarks to put on your daily map - so you can build a life and a community that will offer you the love that doesn’t leave you empty inside. When you're living loved, loving others happens naturally. Doug and Janet start some fiesty new conversations, tell us why BEAUTY is vital in a living loved story, and leave us with these TAKEAWAYS - * The love of God is a source of comfort and challenge. We need both to help us heal and grow. * Beauty is a reliable source of comfort. Comfort is what we need to feel safe - and when we feel steady, we naturally move out into the world and embrace the challenges that help us grow. * Beauty is a reliable source of challenge. Beauty challenges me to trust that I am who God says I am. I am the beneficiary of his gifts of beauty - and I am created in his image, so my heart will experience deep satisfaction when I bring beauty to the world the way he does.

It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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We're fresh into a new season titled The Curated Life - A Fresh Take On Living Loved and we're circling back to this vital question: What if you create a lifestyle for yourself that builds a context for transformation instead of a context for conforming to the patterns of this world? Here’s what we’ve discovered - The more an environment is about being perfect or measuring up to a standard, the more people hold their breath, judge each other, and hide their issues. Environments that focus on “being good” are cultures of fear and fear brings out the worst in us. Fear writes our stories with rhythms and habits that we are ashamed of, and then we curate a life while we’re trying to deal with our shame. The more an environment is about being whom God created you to be, the more people breathe easy, love each other, and drag their issues into the light to ask for help. Environments that focus on identity are cultures of love and love brings out the best in us. Love writes our stories with different accessories, rhythms, and habits that transform us instead of conforming us - and shame is never a part of a transformation story. Listen as we talk about Taco Bell, living in a small town, adverse childhood experiences, beneficial life experiences, and why curating a life of life-giving affections can heal your nervous system and help you discover the power to move past your addictions. We laugh a lot in this episode and we leave you with these powerful TAKEAWAYS: * Oftentimes, what makes systems thrive is what makes people sick. Give yourself permission to choose what’s good for you, not simply what a system convinces you is “good.” Life is designed to be a collection of experiences and relationships that transform us, not simply a systematized means to a predetermined end. * When you look at how you’ve spent your time at the end of each day, ask yourself, “Am I okay with the things that are influencing my nervous system, my body, my thoughts, and my relationships?” * "The information you consume each day is the soil from which your future thoughts are grown. Nobody stumbles into a well-lived life. It has to be cultivated. Reflection and review are critical." (James Clear, author of Atomic Habits)

It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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Welcome to Season Five! We're calling this season "The Curated Life - A Fresh Take on Living Loved" because we’re all at a real fork in the road. It’s a brand new year. Which direction will you go? How will you curate your story? We only have two choices and it’s often not what we think. We’re not looking at a new year, hoping that more good choices and less bad choices will finally tip the scales in our favor. No matter what our culture keeps telling us, conforming to the patterns of this world will never lead us to the deepest desires of our hearts. Even if you're tempted to pursue the traditional resolutions of more exercise and less overeating, you're not going to wake up one day excited to get out of bed and embrace the day if the best you've got to guide you is a list of how many minutes you need to keep your heart rate up and how many calories is your limit. The new life we're invited to celebrate because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus won’t fit in the patterns of this world because the patterns of this world teach us how to live and move and succeed and fail in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Join Janet and Doug and they begin a season of community-wide storywork and an invitation for you to risk a relationship with God as your narrative therapist. This year's challenge for all of us is to embrace our stories as curators and cartographers, combining theological and neurological discoveries with personal life experiences to create a map out of fear stories into the land of love stories. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * The CURATED LIFE alphabet teaches you to read the label on the culture in your home, your child’s school, your church, and your community so you can recognize artificial ingredients that are teaching us all to live a life Jesus set us free from. We don’t need to look too closely to see the catastrophic impact on our stories. * The CURATED LIFE alphabet is also a list of essential ingredients for participating with God as your own narrative therapist to build a culture of love. These ingredients offer fresh energy, connection, and safety that automatically clean out and restock the pantry of your habits, rhythms, and routines. * The CURATED LIFE alphabet is not a list of laws, resolutions, and rules. The alphabet is about the atmosphere you breathe in, the rhythms you create, and the relationships and ideas you trust.

It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

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We're starting a new conversation about helping our children live loved instead of afraid. You're in the right place if: * Your child is experiencing a lot of success - but your relationship with your child is struggling. The distance between you keeps getting bigger and bigger - and you’re more convinced than ever that putting one foot in front of the other on the familiar path you’ve been walking is going to offer any relief. Your relationship needs something transformative. * Your child is rebelling. They’re getting in trouble at school and stay in trouble at home. You’ve tried punishment. You’ve tried second chances and third chances and more chances than you can count and there’s not enough chances, it seems, to change the outcome. You need more than relief. You need help. * Your home is beyond busy. Honestly, it feels like chaos. Some days, you wonder if staying busy has become a coping mechanism because when you’re not rushing from one activity to another, you notice that everyone’s just going through the motions but not really alive. It’s painful…so you sign up for one more vacation, one more sport, one more private lesson. This is the good life, right? Who has time to wonder? Go, team!

Listen in as Doug and Janet share three practical ideas that help children build a secure nervous system even while experiencing insecure circumstances. Help us celebrate 25 episodes in 2023 with these TAKEAWAYS - 1. John 15 Academy needs your support. We’re helping more and more parents experience more and more security in their relationships with God and others. When parents’ stories move from insecure to secure, our children have great hope. Please prayerfully consider donating generously to John 15 Academy. 2. Our kids need safe relationships with secure adults who are courageous enough to say, “Stop. Don’t go that way anymore. Walk this way.” at the same time they’re saying, “Haven’t you done this enough by yourself?” 3. We help families find their narrative. We look together at their story and find the subplots that are written in fear instead of love. Together, we move through the steps of asking God to speak truth to the lies we’re telling ourselves because we’re afraid - and then we help parents and children learn to follow the voice of Love. We help children build more than success stories - we help children build secure stories.

Together, there is great hope. * Reach out if you're hungry to participate with love instead of fear in your own story. We'd love to walk with you beyond the fork in the road. Email doug@john15academy.com or janet@john15academy.com. * Follow this link to contribute to John 15 Academy's end-of-year giving campaign and help Doug and Janet meet the 2023 goal of $20,000. * Visit this link for LOVE IS FEARLESS merch. * Sign up for Janet's newsletter by visiting janetnewberry.com.

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Did you know there is a formula for love stories and we're all living in one? If you haven't gotten to the part where love casts out your fears, your story's not over yet! That's good news! Even better...that's THE GOOD NEWS! You’re in the right place if - * You’ve given up on living a love story. If you were brutally honest, you don’t even want a love story anymore. You’ve found a comfortable rut on the road of self-reliance and you've decided connecting with people is too complicated. * You’re afraid of a love story. You’ve risked loving other people more than once and it didn’t end well. Letting others love you hasn’t worked so well either. Fear is telling you that love is too risky and you’ve agreed with fear long enough to get comfortable living afraid. * You’re hungry for a love story - or at least a true story. Some parts of your story are so propped up with self-protection and self-promotion that you wonder if it might be easier to simply show up honestly in your story instead of hidden. You’re curious about living in a secure story instead of an anxious one.

Listen in as Doug and Janet share both the formula for love stories and the great hope we have when life gets difficult. Every time we get to a place of suffering in our stories, we're invited to participate with Love, not fear. Our children do, too. We can help them build a secure story they don't have to rebuild when they're not kids anymore. Share this episode with a friend who needs the truths in these TAKEAWAYS: * Many times in a crisis, having our felt needs met often opens our hearts to the truth that meets our real needs. That’s one reason why we need people in our stories who know us well. They’ll not rush in to insist we look too fast at the new path that will lead us out of the crisis. Instead, they’ll remind us who God says we are by simply being with us and reminding us we are valuable, no matter what chapter we’re on in our love stories. * Jesus didn’t say, “Come to me all who are crushing it, living your best life, and I will give you rest.” He said, “Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” Jesus knows where you are in your story. He’s not freaked out by your progressive complications. The gospel is proof that He wants to hold your hand on a new road. * So many times, we freak out about our problems. God knows freaking out only makes our problems worse because fear never puts us on the same road that the truth will point us to. That’s why God is the safest place to run to when we’re afraid because we’re struggling. Having a safe place meets a vital felt need, and God’s truth meets a real need, too. Many times, a miracle comes next.

Together, there is great hope. * Reach out if you're hungry to participate with love instead of fear in your own story. We'd love to walk with you beyond the fork in the road. Email doug@john15academy.com or janet@john15academy.com. * Follow this link to contribute to John 15 Academy's end-of-year giving campaign and help Doug and Janet meet the 2023 goal of $20,000. * Visit this link for LOVE IS FEARLESS merch. * Sign up for Janet's newsletter by visiting janetnewberry.com.

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Don't let the title of this episode fool you. You’re in the right place if... * ...you’re tired. You’re tired of your job, you’re tired of the struggle that won’t seem to end with your children (or your parents), and you’re tired of the chaos in the world that gives you a million reasons to be afraid. * ...you’re curious. You’ve noticed on the days you take a break from the crazy cycle and go stare at a beach or hike in the mountains, there’s still something inside of you that dares to be moved by inspiration. You’re not dead yet, and you think you’re ready to hope that there’s more to life than earning and proving and power. * ...you’re healing. Maybe you’ve risked therapy. Maybe your therapist is helping you let go of lies and live in more truth. Maybe your hope muscle is getting stronger, and you’re ready to experience more freedom.

Doug and Janet start a new conversation in this episode, weaving ideas together from Jamie Winship's book, LIVING FEARLESS, and Janet's book EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT. Listen in as they reveal the secret to living the power of truth and love instead of fear and lies, and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: * Schools - and families - are conditioned to promote those who learn without struggle and “wonder what to do with” those who do. But what if struggle is a gift rather than a red flag signaling a failure to perform? And what if performing a standardized task isn’t the real goal? (EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT by Janet Newberry) * How you frame your struggle will be how you respond and manage it because you create realities with your thoughts. (Dr. Caroline Leaf, social media) * Identity is something that is received in community through our imagination from God. You don’t come up with your own identity - you receive it in community from above. (identityexchange.com) "...all human conflict originates from fear, and fear originates from a false view of God, ourselves, and others."(LIVING FEARLESS, by Jamie Winship)

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram. Find fun LOVE IS FEARLESS merch and support John 15 Academy. Together, there is great hope.

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"I’m recognizing that transformation is not possible in an achievement-oriented culture, it is only possible in an identity-oriented culture. When achievement is the goal, our identity will come from our accomplishments, and we'll live fueled by the power of fear. Shame will be the voice we hear. Fear conforms, not transforms." "When we put new theology - even the theology of love, into a culture identified by accomplishments and success, fear will be the fuel we run on. Our children will recognize the voice of Shame more than the voice of Love. Love can help our children make good grades on tests and hit home runs, but if the primary goal of our connection with our kids is to help them achieve, they will not transform. They will conform." Join Janet and Doug as they start a new conversation, blending the wisdom of The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson, MD, and Living Fearless by Jamie Winship. Linger in these TAKEAWAYS - * There is no shame in the kingdom of God. Jesus took our shame on the cross. The voice of shame isn’t heard when living in our true identity. When we hear the voice of shame, our community helps us listen to the voice of Love. * Shame may move us up the ladder in an achievement-obsessed culture, but it will make us sick in ways that medical advancements can’t cure. When fear is the fuel we run on, we introduce an auto-immune disease into our narratives. The only cure is Love. * In God’s kingdom, longevity isn’t the goal. We’re not consumed with the target of survival of the fittest, and we don’t have time to waste consuming only what we can earn. Receiving the truth that we are formed in our mother’s womb with the purpose of bringing goodness and beauty to the story of a world in need of redemption - not simply more success, wakes us up in a new worldview, listening to a new voice.

Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit dicksonthreads.com to find LOVE IS FEARLESS hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people hear the voice of Love! Together, there is great hope.

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The inner voice of Love always speaks the liberating truth of God - but our worldly development has programmed us to tune into another voice. We’re more familiar with the voice of fear. We’re more familiar with our own truth than God's truth. This episode is for you if: * You’re more familiar with the voice of fear and shame than you are with the voice of love and truth. You know well the language of condemnation, cutting sarcasm, blame, control, and manipulation - but it sounds weird and very uncomfortable when you hear affirmation, encouragement, or simply a compliment. * Most of your conversations are transactional - not transformational, or you don’t know the difference between the two. * You learned to talk in the dialect of self-promotion and self-protection - or you prefer not to talk at all because staying disconnected from others doesn’t require you to risk connecting with yourself. * Or you prefer to talk a lot because you have enough verbal resources to overwhelm almost anyone, and getting the last word in is the best you can hope for.

Join Doug and Janet in a conversation that blends the wisdom of two books - The Inner Voice of Love - A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom by Henri Nouwen, and Living Fearless - Exchanging The Lies of The World For The LIberating Truth of God by Jamie Winship. Linger in these takeaways - * In God’s kingdom, our thoughts and our plans are the only places we find lack. There is no lack in the Kingdom of God. * Wrong beliefs render us powerless. God’s truth for our lives comes with God’s power to live out that truth. * The best part about new life may be that we can hear the voice of Love. Sometimes, we need others who can hear Him on our behalf. When I am afraid, transformational relationships offer me an identity beyond the only reality I can see while I’m stuck in survival mode.

Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit dicksonthreads.com to find LOVE IS FEARLESS hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people hear the voice of Love! Enjoy this gift from The Piano Guys. Together, there is great hope.

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This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode is for you if - * You’re curious about building a different lifestyle to help you heal or restore a relationship because when you stop to think about it, the lifestyle you’re living is based on cultural values, and those values are not helping you enjoy healthy relationships. * You’re starting a new relationship. You’re ready to admit that you don’t treat people who are struggling with kindness and empathy - and that’s a sign that you don’t really like yourself very much. You are sitting with the idea that seeing yourself differently will help you see others differently. * You’re good at fighting, controlling, manipulating, staying quiet, not rocking the boat, avoiding conflict…you may also be experiencing worldly success…but your relationships are struggling…even your relationship with yourself.

In this episode, Doug and Janet start a new conversation about Trust For Today - 365 Days of Encouragement, A Year With the Trueface Team. We discuss how reading good books together gives us a word bank that pulls us out of survival mode into thriving mode. One of the distinct differences in our relationship is the conversations we share - specifically, what we talk about…and that we talk a lot! We both needed to be seen and heard because we’d lived in survival mode for a long time. No wonder God built this new foundation for communication in our marriage. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - * Survival mode will offer you a lifestyle. It will keep you busy. It may keep your house clean. It may keep your kids on the honor roll and going to church. But it will not benefit your relationships. Only love is a benefit to relationships. Not success. Love happens in a different part of your brain, and we connect with that part when we connect with each other. * Survival mode is meant to keep us not dead. It’s not meant to bring us to life. * We are created to thrive. Thriving is different from being perfect. When perfection is the goal, we get stuck in survival mode, afraid of messing up. When life is a struggle, connect with God and others…and experience all the bells and whistles of a whole new brain…and new relationships that teach you to like yourself because they don’t freak out when you struggle.

Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit dicksonthreads.com to find LOVE IS FEARLESS hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people fear less because their finding LOVE! Together, there is great hope.

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This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode is for you if - * Conflict is killing you. You’re seeing a pattern in your relationships, even with yourself. Whenever there’s a disagreement, the result is deconstruction instead of constructive. * You know you have a new identity in Christ. You know the theology of grace. You know your new focus in life is love instead of avoiding sin. But when you’re honest with yourself, your story goes around in the same cyclical protection patterns when life is difficult - and you feel stuck. * You’re confused about what to do with your emotions. You’ve lived for decades either letting emotions overwhelm you and everyone else in your story - or you’ve lived that long avoiding your emotions, which has only given your body one choice for dealing with other’s emotions, and that’s to avoid them, too. Neither choice is helping you grow - or helping your relationships grow.

In this episode, Doug and Janet start a new conversation about a great book - The Advantage - Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business by Patrick Lencioni. Doug and Janet talk about writing a playbook for yourself and your family because creating clarity in your home can help your family grow instead of survive - or divide. We also share the playbooks we use for John 15 Academy, and this LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast - to guide our decisions and help us work smart while staying organizationally healthy. Janet offers to share her personal playbook when you sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - 1. Seth Godin reminds us, “Every belief can feel mainstream if we immerse ourselves in it.” Don’t fall for the belief that relationships don’t heal or that living in a deconstruction crisis is the only option for your marriage or family. Healing happens when you move closer together and return to the power and truth love offers instead of fear. 2. Clarity at home is KEY. It’s as essential as clarity about your own identity. Without a family identity and clarity about your values and goals, every crisis can destroy unity instead of building it. 3. John 15 Academy offers valuable resources to help families bring up children who explicitly and implicitly know that God is a Father who cares. Getting clear about God helps us all get clear about ourselves and others. Visit our website to benefit from all we offer.

Janet also shares this invitation - "Reach out if I can help your family find the clarity that helps you grow closer in hard times instead of falling apart. I have limited spots available on my consulting calendar. Send me an email today. janet@john15academy.com " Visit dicksonthreads.com to find LOVE IS FEARLESS hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people fear less because their finding LOVE! Together, there is great hope.

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Difficult days can go from bad to worse when we forget emotions are intended to be our friends instead of our enemies. When we live as if emotions are our enemies, we try to control them or pretend they don't exist. When we engage with emotions as our friends, we notice and listen to them. Valuing our emotions for the information they give us, we discover our core values and deep desires. We learn to pause and consider how to move forward in the direction of our goals instead of staying stuck in our self-protection patterns. In this episode, Doug and Janet enjoy an energetic conversation with author, speaker, podcaster, and Licensed Professional Counselor Michelle Nietert. We're starting a conversation about Managing Your Emojis - 100 Devotions For Navigating Your Feelings, a new book Michelle co-authored with Lynn Cowell. Listen now to benefit from Michelle's generous wisdom and sense of humor and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - * Managing our emotions is challenging. But the emotions we feel are energy in motion, and we can meet the challenge with the help of God and others. When emotions remind us to connect with secure relationships, emotions are an onramp to maturity instead of chaos. * What we think often affects what we feel, and how we feel often affects what we do. Our mind, heart, and body are all connected. * We can discover ways to train our brains so they can help us manage our emotions - just like we can train our brains to learn math facts. Training our brains to focus on God’s promises can help us, over time, learn to replace feelings of sadness, fear, and anger with hopefulness, bravery, and calmness.

Resources mentioned in this episode - Check out our new LOVE IS FEARLESS styles on dicksonthreads.com. Reminding ourselves about God’s promises is the reason we’ve created LOVE IS FEARLESS merch! Sign up for Janet's newsletter THE CURATED LIFE. Discover valuable resources for parents and educators at John 15 Academy. Connect with Michelle at YourMentalHealthCoach.com and find links to purchase ALL her great books.

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Season 4 of the LIF podcast is all about starting new conversations. We’re leaning in instead of leaning away from fresh perspectives…even if they seem to lead us away from the traditional life and lifestyle we’ve worked to achieve for so long. We’re willing to admit that sometimes we experience peace before we experience success. We’re discovering that living loved really is different from living afraid, that saying NO is as much an option as saying YES, and we literally feel different in our own bodies and our own stories when we’re benefitting from love instead of motivated by the fear of missing out. In this episode, we're starting a new conversation about The Ascent of a Leader - How Ordinary Relationships Develop Extraordinary Character by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and Kevin McElrath. We're talking about becoming a healthy leader and discerning healthy leadership under which you can align yourself and grow, instead of simply showing up and making it work. Listen in as we describe the CAPACITY and CHARACTER ladders, and linger in these TAKEAWAYS-- * Living loved is a synonym for God’s plan for your life. Living afraid is a synonym for the enemy's plan for your life. * “God’s plan could mean stepping up to a challenge. It could mean stepping down. But each step brings us closer to our destiny if it leads to greater love for God and others. Whether our sphere of influence is small or large, the possibilities remain the same. We can watch our motives transform from selfishness to selflessness. We can submit to the Master’s loving hand, becoming what we need to become for the benefit of others and our world.” (p. 179) * “In the course you have set for your life, how are you providing for the safety of those you influence? As you look over your shoulder, who is in the wake of your influence and how are they doing?” (p.12)

Do you need encouragement to live a fearless story, not a perfect life? Enjoy LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts, posters, kitchen towels, canvas bags, and stickers to inspire yourself and those you love. Visit the Janet Newberry collection at dicksonthreads.com Stay inspired by signing up for THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take on Living Loved. You'll receive Janet's newsletter delivered to your inbox twice a month. Find daily inspiration on social media - janet_newberry on IG and Janet Newberry, Author on Facebook. Together, there is great hope.

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Join us in this episode as we dig deep into a new conversation about The Connected Life, by Todd W. Hall. This week, we're talking about the power of love that changes everything, especially when we begin to experience God as a safe and secure Father, rather than a distant and threatening judge. In his book, Todd Hall tells about a man diagnosed with schizophrenia who is now functioning well and has a fulfilling life, due in large part to the power of loving connection to overcome genetic vulnerabilities. "Though genetics and medication certainly play a role, they are not the only factors that contribute to our well-being. Connection is also a major factor because we are born to connect." (p. 84) Does this amazing story offer us a fresh perspective on Romans 12:2? What if being conformed to the patterns of this world happens when we're disconnected in our relationships, and being transformed by the renewing of your mind happens when we trust that we have a secure connection with a good, good Father? Join us in this transformative new conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - 1. When we live in a world with fewer and fewer face-to-face connections, we lose the norms of reciprocity and trustworthiness - so we lose the ability to influence and impact each other with the power of love, even though we can still make people do what we want by manipulating them or shaming them. Receiving love requires a relationship of trust. Being pushed around by fear happens without trustworthiness. 2. Walking on a healing journey with a spouse or a few close friends is not always easy, but it is deep and life-giving. Belonging, meaning, and creating real value in the world together is more satisfying than individualism, materialism, or another attempt at rebellion. 3. “It turns out that social disconnection has a profound impact on our experiences with God and spiritual community. The connection crisis we’re experiencing at a broader societal level reverberates throughout our spiritual lives.” p. 21, The Connected Life

Do you need encouragement to live a fearless story, not a perfect life? Enjoy LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts, posters, kitchen towels, canvas bags, and stickers to inspire yourself and those you love. Visit the Janet Newberry collection at dicksonthreads.com Stay inspired by signing up for THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take on Living Loved. You'll receive Janet's newsletter delivered to your inbox twice a month. Find daily inspiration on social media - janet_newberry on IG and Janet Newberry, Author on Facebook. Together, there is great hope.

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The connection crisis in our culture is running parallel to the mental illness epidemic in our world - for us and for our children. The crisis is more than what we see when we notice families sharing a table while all staring at their phones. Connection is not a personal preference or a check off on our to-do list. It's a human need. Without it, we get sick. The real crisis started more than a generation before smartphones kidnapped our attention and we didn't bother to fight our captors. For all of us, the challenge to connect in healthy relationships began before we were born. By the time we learned to talk, we'd already been following a blueprint for relationships, for better or worse. Psychologists call these blueprints "attachment styles." Insecure attachment styles have more power over what we choose to ignore or obey than the rules we know but don't follow. There's not enough behavior modification or willpower to revise an insecure attachment style, but love can do what hard work and self-effort can't. Love can help us find the limiting beliefs hidden in our earliest stories and teach us to tell ourselves truer stories - of freedom, not captivity. Listen in as Doug and Janet start a new conversation about Todd W. Hall's book, The Connected Life - The Art and Science of Relational Spirituality. TAKEAWAYS: * Are we offering our children a life Jesus set them free from? What is the impact on their stories? * Love is the stuff of connection, growth, healing, and transformation. Fear is the stuff of disconnection, prolonged immaturity, mental and physical illness, and conformity. A “Love Is Fearless Home” is a goal worthy to be your family’s rallying cry. * Connect with us to plan a John 15 Academy retreat for your small group. We’ll sit with you in new conversations about the connection crisis in our culture and the healing love offers in your home. We’ll balance comfort and challenge in new conversations that help you find the limiting beliefs standing in the way of your family’s healing story. Email us at janet@john15academy.com or doug@john15academy.com.

We mention these resources in this episode: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry The Gift In You - Discovering New Life Through Hidden Gifts In Your Mind by Dr. Caroline Leaf Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

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LOVE IS FEARLESS is having a birthday! Born on July 4, 2018, LIF has been downloaded in over 60 countries and is transforming families worldwide. Share this episode to help us celebrate! In this Season 4 episode sharing new conversations about transformational books, Doug and Janet talk about Education by Design, Not Default - and the power of connection in childhood. As parents, we teach our children how they should be treated - for better or worse. Then our children teach others how to treat them, using the blueprint we've given them. If we teach our children we don't have time or energy for their emotions, they will learn that lesson in relation to themselves - and teach others their emotions are not worthy of time and energy. When children experience secure, transformational relationships, it's possible to develop a healthy brain and nervous system. But when children experience disconnected, transactional relationships, children are required to cope, simply to succeed. Coping causes adaptations that, long term, can lead to mental illness. Janet's book gives parents and educators practical ideas about how to enjoy transformational relationships and where to start with both younger and older children. Doug and Janet leave listeners with many inspirational ideas and these TAKEAWAYS: * Transformation is not the same as success, measured by traditional standards. Transformation is internal and success is external. * "If those we trust meet our real needs, we'll grow strong because we trust their direction and correction. If those we trust don't meet our real needs, we'll grow older, but not more satisfied." (p. 52, Education by Design) * Our children's primary need is to experience love, not success. Love will mature them, and can help them be successful - in healthy relationships, not at the expense of them." (p. 12, Education by Design)

We mention these resources: * Visit one of the parent paths on john15academy.com to download a free book study guide for you and your spouse or small group. * LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy. * John 15 Academy - We help families live in transformational relationships so children can live loved instead of afraid. Please visit our website to find abundant resources available at no charge. Please pray about becoming a part of our financial support team. * THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

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Dan Herod is known for starting conversations we didn’t know we needed to have. Gifted with an uncommon path in life, he writes and speaks to empower. Born to a deaf father and surviving the aching wake of his parent’s divorce prepared him for the most crushing loss a parent can meet. He knows that a soul that screams heavenward in frustration about their situation can discover how hope sometimes lives between the lines. His newest release, The Three Mile Valley is a book and video series that equips the reader to live better by thinking better - with God's help. Join us in this new conversation about life and loss. Learn more about Youth Alive and connect with Dan on IG and FB. Doug and I offer these TAKEAWAYS from today's conversation- * What you see is not what you get. What you see is what you get through. Now is not forever. * Create a strategy for tragedy. Start with a strategy for everyday challenges. Be sure to start with God when creating your strategy. * Your tragedy is not your identity.

We mention these resources: * LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy. * John 15 Academy - We help families live in transformational relationships so children can live loved instead of afraid. Please visit our website to find abundant resources available at no charge. Please pray about becoming a part of our financial support team. * THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

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The LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast is a safe place to have conversations about painful and difficult stories. If you experienced childhood in a dysfunctional family story and you're staggering through your own healing journey, this episode is for you. If your children are experiencing their childhood in a dysfunctional family story, this episode is for you, too. David Zailer is our guest in this conversation about the painful family of origin stories and the addictions that often become our ways of coping. David is an author, speaker, and founder of Operation Integrity. He is also on the faculty of the Leadership Institute, championing faith-based recovery internationally. His current book is Death of a Fisherman: A Memoir of Family, Faith, and Forgiveness. His previous books include Our Journey Home, When Lost Men Come Home, and Starting Point for Recovery. David lives in Laguna Niguel, California where he is active in his community and enjoys running and cycling. Death of a Fisherman is a torrent of truthful courage and defiant hope. Join us in this conversation with David to help illuminate your own courageous path toward healing. Doug and I offer these TAKEAWAYS - * The process of answering hard but healing questions begins to peel away the subconscious blindness we've used to protect ourselves since we were children. We need to face our scars. We need to face the music - so our songs of bondage and fear can become choruses of freedom and love. * "To my astonishment, not giving up on myself was the road that led me home." (A quote from Death of a Fisherman.)

We mention these resources in this episode: * LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy. * John 15 Academy - We help adults love children well so children can thrive instead of simply succeed. * THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

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Janet was invited to share the commencement speech with a graduating class in Stephenville, TX and the message was so powerful and well-received, we promised some friends we'd share it on a podcast episode. If you have a 2023 graduate in your family, please tell them about this episode as our gift of congratulations and encouragement for their future. If it's been a while since you graduated, this gift is for you, especially if you're dreading Mondays in a fear story instead of living inspired with purpose, safety, and impact in a love story. Doug chose these takeaways from Janet's commencement speech: * We can’t put JESUS in a fear story. We can try, but that’s inviting disintegration instead of abiding. When CHRIST is our LIFE, we are destined to live a love story because we are CONNECTED to the very power that casts out fear. * Our physical bodies get sick when we live anxiously or constantly on high alert. “Peace be with you” was not just a kind greeting from Jesus to His disciples after His resurrection. Jesus knew what kind of mental dis-ease could grow from worry and overthinking. * “Pursue a fearless story, not a perfect life. There’s nothing at stake here, friends. Together, there is great hope.”

We mention these resources in this episode: * LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy. * John 15 Academy - We help adults love children well so children can thrive instead of simply succeed. * THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available in her newsletter!

Together, there is great hope.

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A safe relationship is different from a good relationship because a safe person is different from a good person. When we experience good relationships with good people, we are influenced by their goodness, but often it is the kind of "good" that's evident because of their success. They have good jobs, make a good salary, drive a good car, and wear the latest "good" shoes. When we experience safe relationships with safe people, we are influenced by the way they care for themselves and others and the way they let others care for them, too. Safe people help us grow. They can help us heal and mature. Mature people don't struggle to be good, but immature people who make good money sometimes struggle to show they care for themselves or others. If you're a child in a home with good parents who aren't well equipped to care, your maturity is going to be stunted at the level of their immaturity, no matter how good your grades are or how many points you score in your next tournament. Join us for a conversation about THE CURE & Parents, a great book about the power of safe relationships in our own homes. Linger in these takeaways - 1. "Whether we are reacting to our parents, planning to be parents, overwhelmed at being parents, or learning to stand with our kids as they now parent, we need to know there is a way home. A way to be convinced God is in the middle of every stage of our family." 2. Maturity happens when we abide in secure relationships, not by trying to be good all the time. In the moments when shame is most painful for our children, we get the opportunity to show up as their ally instead of their enemy. 3. "When your children are young, being the parent carries enough control to handle them. But if you don't grow up as they grow older, your immaturity will stunt their maturity at the level of your own. And no measure of control can handle that."

We mention these resources in this episode - * Big news!!! LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts are now available on dicksonthreads.com. Thank you to our new friends who are donating a portion of their profits from the merch on the Love Is Fearless page of their website to help support John 15 Academy. Go check it out, y'all! * THE CURE and Parents by John and Stacey Lynch, Grace and Bill Thrall, and Bruce and Janet McNicol. * Support John 15 Academy by visiting john15academy.com/support

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The Cure is undoubtedly the book that's changed our lives the most. Truly! If you're wondering where the Bible fits in our stories, it is the most important book for us, hands down. But The Cure changed how we read the Bible, and is helping us live loved by God instead of afraid of Him. The back cover of the book is a great intro to this episode. It says, "We thought we were cured. But eventually, most of us unwittingly carry an old, dead outlook into our new life. We couldn't measure up to a standard we created, so we convinced ourselves it was God's. We read His words through a grid of shame and felt ourselves fall farther and farther behind. We took it out on each other; judging, comparing, splintering. Some of us retreated from the whole charade, becoming cynical, mistrusting, jaded from hope. Our marriages, churches, families, friendships, our marketplaces, our culture... they all need the cure. But God's cures rarely come in the form we expect. What if, indeed, God is not who we think he is... and neither are we?" This conversation offers these takeaways: 1. Whenever we're trying to move ourselves or others from a place of immaturity to maturity, we can use the tools of fear, shame, and manipulation, or we can build trust and lend strength. Fear teaches us to cope. Love offers real hope. 2. "Pleasing God is a good desire. It just can't be our primary motivation, or it'll imprison our hearts." "Until you trust God, nothing you do will please God." (The Cure) 3. When our goal is to try to behave better, we'll never discover that we're loving more. But when our goal is to trust God's love for us...and rest in His love...and try our best to love others the way He loves us, we cannot help but discover that our behavior is evidence of our healing.

We also talk about these additional resources: * John Lynch's Two Roads message and John Lynch Speaks * Trueface.org * John15Academy.com * JanetNewberry.com

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This is our first-ever BONUS episode! As we launch Season Four we're promising great conversations about books and authors that love us well. We're admitting that books are some of our best friends and we're excited about introducing you to some of the best. We're also committing to at least one new episode every month. While we're fundraising for John 15 Academy and Doug is still working full-time, we know we can be true to that commitment. Maybe you never thought about it much, but podcasting takes a lot of time. And it can be expensive, too. So we're balancing our real needs with our passion to offer you episodes that are not just good, but good FOR you! We'd rather underpromise and over-deliver than the other way around. If you've been with us for over 100 episodes, you know us very well. But you still may have some questions about what's going on in our story right now. And, if you haven't been with us since the beginning, you may be really confused when we talk about our Airstream journey, my book, or John 15 Academy. So thanks for listening to our bonus episode. We're telling some great stories about all the twists and turns we've experienced on this trusting God road. We can either laugh about all the mistakes and celebrate the miracles, or we can feel ashamed. But ashamed is what we learned in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Together, there is great hope. This bonus episode offers two takeaways and lots of resources: 1. Do you need help? Over the past 10 years, we've developed great resources to help families, marriages, and educators connect and reconnect in their most sacred relationships. Visit john15academy.com and janetnewberry.com to find access to these resources at no charge. 2. Will you help us? Redeeming childhood in our country and in our world is our passion and our destiny. We can't do it alone and we're excited about you getting excited about redeeming childhood, too. Here are 5 simple ways you can contribute in a significant way: (1) Share this episode. Help us share the hope that love brings to children's stories. (2) Invite Janet to speak. (3) Plan a retreat. Contact us at doug@john15academy.com or janet@john15academy.com and we'll share some amazing transformation stories from retreats we've hosted and start planning yours. (4) Talk to your pastor and your mission committee at your church. Invite us to share how we can create a hunger for the love of God in children's lives by changing the way they're experiencing childhood. It's easier than you may think! (5) Pray about joining our financial support team. We're excited about how God will lead you to be a part of making "love one another" practical in our world.

One more resource that may be helpful to you: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry Together, there is great hope.

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Welcome to Season Four! We're excited to share meaningful conversations about great books and maybe a few great movies, too. :) What do great books have to do with living loved instead of afraid? That's a good question. This season is all about building relationships with great authors and letting the ideas in books love us well. That means great books are good FOR US, not simply good. Powerful ideas are nutritious food for the mind, and abiding in them long enough to have a conversation is transformational. The short way to answer that question is that great books offer us love because they meet our real needs for wisdom, direction, correction, and inspiration. So Season Four offers to love you well by inviting you to let love meet your need to be inspired with us. We may even offer a bit of wisdom, too. This episode is a conversation about The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen. Listen in as we tell how a copy of Rembrandt's famous painting found a prominent place in our home and we share a few of our favorite quotes from the book. Email us* with your takeaways from this episode and linger in these ideas that inspired us - * Love isn't love if you have to earn it. * Many of us have lived a relationship as hired servants with God and today is a great day to come home as His child. * Yesterday doesn't predict tomorrow when we let love happen in our relationships today.

Doug's email address is doug@john15academy.com Janet's email address is janet@john15academy.com We mention these resources: The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry John 15 Academy - resources for parents and teachers Join our financial support team at John 15 Academy and help us provide resources for parents and teachers.

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When we sit with the weight of the truth that LOVE IS A PROCESS OF MEETING NEEDS, we are reminded that if we’re going to love someone, that means we’re going to: * Notice their needs and do what is in our power and capacity to meet those needs so that the one we love can live in truth, and can experience personal growth and emotional healing. * Intentionally build a relationship of trust with the person we care about so they will let us love them.

When we sit with the weight of that truth, it also reminds us that if WE are going to experience love, that means we’re going to: * Recognize our own needs and let God and others love me so I can live in truth and I can participate in my own maturity and my own healing. * Be willing to trust others in the places I am vulnerable—places like unresolved issues, immature habits, ways of relating I learned in survival mode…

The takeaways in this episode are powerful:
1. What does it mean that love meets our need for acceptance with unearned love? It means that we don’t have to measure up. It frees us from the need to simply be compliant and do what you want me to do so you will accept me. It means I can have unresolved issues and you’re not going anywhere.

1. Loved unconditionally doesn’t mean I don’t own my impact and influence in a relationship. It means that I can be real and honest and vulnerable and I will not be judged or shamed or threatened with abandonment. 3. When I experience the love that stays with me, my unresolved issues begin to resolve…and I participate in my healing. When I experience protection from shame, I start believing the truth about myself and that truth becomes obvious in my behavior. And when the truth of who I am in Christ becomes obvious in my behavior, you get to experience the love that meets your needs too, even when your behavior doesn’t earn it.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen

A movie -- The Heart Of Man

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Hope is soul food. We can live without it for a few days or maybe a few weeks, but living without it for very long causes us to be careless about life, experience depression, feel overwhelmed by shame, and isolate ourselves in the very moments we need connection in healthy relationships.

Faithful love meets our God-given need for trust and offers us hope. Faithful love reminds us we are not alone, especially when we're experiencing struggle. Living with hope, we experience emotional elasticity. We bounce back from hard times and recognize that struggle is a normal part of life on this planet.

When we learn to count on the faithful love of God and others, we heal and mature. We don't get stuck in negative emotions. We remember, "There is great hope!"

In this episode, Doug and I (Janet) talk about trading our moral compass for a truth compass, and we offer these takeaways:

1. God knew the knowledge of good and evil would be a slippery slope that led to confusion, self-righteousness, pride, and prioritizing behavior and performance above intimacy in relationships. He never wanted that for us. Living with a truth compass, instead of a moral compass, keeps me intimate with God.

2. There is never a time when God does not love me as much as He is going to love me.

3. There’s a difference between knowing and experiencing and it’s important. It’s the difference between knowing your Heavenly Father loves you and experiencing His embrace when you’re at the place you need Him most. The more we experience love in our human relationships, the more fluent we can become in experiencing God’s love, too.

We talk about a FREE RESOURCE available on my website and recommend these books:

THE CURE by John Lynch, Bruce McNichol, and Bill Thrall

EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT by Janet Newberry

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In our Everyday Love series, we’re talking about our God-given needs. This episode is all about our real need for significance and attention. Love meets our need for significance with affirmation. Without trusting this love, we’ll experience a loss of identity and be driven to perform for our acceptance. Love meets our need for attention with servant love. Without letting someone love us, our lives will be characterized by low self-esteem and an unhealthy self-story. Even though God is always loving us perfectly, our culture doesn’t often tune our hearts to God’s love. Our culture often tunes our hearts to a lot of other things that distract us away from God’s servant love and how He meets our need for attention. In our human relationships, servant love is often the first kind of love that we trust. Listen in to hear why I (Janet) think Doug is the poster child for servant love! Because I trust his servant love, and because Doug’s love is a gift—not a transaction, I trust his words of affirmation, too. Because I trust Doug's affirmation and attention, I'm learning to trust God's love for me in these ways as well. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: 1. “I’m not a fixer or a judge, I’m a child of God. God is love, so I’m a lover, too.” 2. What if today I consider what people need rather than what I have to say? And then I can watch for trust to roll out a red carpet to welcome the transformation that will come. 3. Since significance is a God-given need, if this need is not met with affirmation in healthy relationships, this need will be met with power in toxic relationships.

We mention these resources in this episode: Experiencing Affirmation in Your Family by Trueface.org The Cure and Parents by John Lynch, Bill Thrall, and Bruce McNicol

Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

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Season 3 is all about learning how to love ourselves and each other every day in practical ways. We’re not talking about five love languages or how each Enneagram type prefers to be loved. We’re talking about the God-given needs that we wake up with every day because we are human, not because we’re weak or wounded or wired in a way that's unique to our personality.

Our God-given needs are the places we can receive love, and experiencing love makes life deeply satisfying! In this episode, we unpack all the ways love meets our God-given need for protection. Without protection, we’ll be left vulnerable to unresolved habits because we didn’t trust the love that was offered to keep us safe--or because we didn’t recognize the protection that was offered to us as love. Many of us don’t want to be protected. Just like a new puppy who wants to explore, we’ll dig under the fence to experience a bigger world, and most of the time, we come home wounded or confused. Or we don’t come home at all. Love offers us a way home. Protective love is a “jealous FOR me” love that offers to keep us safe from what we’re not meant to live with, in the ways of bondage and abuse. When we prioritize building trust in our relationships, we can experience the full and free life we were created to enjoy. Join us on this episode and linger in these takeaways: 1. Permission almost always happens in a conversation. It’s one reason the habit of mature conversations is a big deal. 2. Protection often happens in the way we create the environment we live in. Love creates an environment for growth. 3. We often don’t think of protection as love. But when we trust it and begin to experience freedom, instead of bondage, we will recognize that we have loved.

We mention these resources in this episode: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry A LOVE IS FEARLESS episode with John Lynch - Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage A ministry we trust - John Lynch Speaks

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Every day we wake up with God-given needs. Having our needs met is the way we experience love. One of our everyday needs is for direction and love meets this need with corrective love. When we don’t trust corrective love, we’ll live misguided lives. Without corrective love, our children will be vulnerable and seriously affected by wrong life choices. A lack of direction will always make me a victim of my circumstances. Sorting out the difference between punishment and discipline is worth our time and energy in this episode. Both offer corrective love, but punishment offers toxic love and discipline offers healthy love. Punishment is about rules and penalties. Discipline is about repentance and relationship. Listen in as I (Janet) share a story about a fifth-grade boy who pushed his friend down and thought he deserved punishment. Corrective love offered discipline instead and the young man learned more clearly who he is as a person—someone who is learning how to really care for his friends and himself. Listen in as Doug shares how he loves me well when we have vulnerable conversations about spending money. His words speak truth to me and remind me that I am a person of integrity, so I spend money in line with my beliefs instead of trying to justify or earn a favor. We conclude this episode by talking about how we either offer punishment or discipline, even to our friends. We offer some practical examples and share some words of love that may help you reconnect with a friend you’re struggling to love right now. This episode offers these takeaways-- 1. When we live in a culture that offers us habits of dis-ease instead of habits of health, and that offers us a lifestyle that keeps us vulnerable, we may never experience the thrill of healing and overcoming and growing stronger. 2. Punishment is about behavior and making someone pay for what’s been done in the past. Discipline is corrective love and is about the person and helping them move forward, trusting the truth of who God says they are. 3. A diagnosis is not an identity.

Resources mentioned in this episode:
The Cure and Parents

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How do I experience love, practically speaking? How can I put it into words? If I can put it into words, I can put it into action. I can recognize love when I see it if I know what I'm looking for.

Putting love into words and actions is our focus in season 3. In this episode, we're sharing how love meets our real need for security with passionate loyalty and commitment.

Without experiencing dependable love, we'll be persons who are insecure in life. Our insecurity will be evident by these symptoms: fear, anger, an attempt to control, and a need to judge the intent of others.

When we trust the commitment offered by those who love us well, our lives will be characterized by peace and calm, a desire to help others experience freedom, and a willingness to be vulnerable in healthy ways.

Listen in as we share specific and practical examples of how we can offer commitment to each other as spouses, as parents, and as friends. We'll talk about how we can learn to love ourselves in dependable ways, too.

In this episode, we offer these takeaways: 1. God is "parenting" me and one of His objectives is to free my life. When I am free, I am free to love others in the same ways God loves me. 2. As spouses, parents, and friends, we can be mindful of the times when it is natural for our family members and friends to feel fear because of a difficult circumstance or season. We can stay in touch to protect them from lies and shame. 3. There is never a time when God is not committed to us. There is never a time when we have to question His passion for us or His dependability.

When sharing about how parents can offer dependable love to their children, I (Janet) read a selection from my book about the power of "with." The book, Education by Design, Not Default, is available on Amazon.

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This is episode 100! Wow! Thank you for celebrating with us! For 100 episodes we’ve been wrestling with the differences between a lifestyle of fear and a lifestyle of love. In today’s episode, we’re laying out some clear lifestyle markers that are present when love is trusted instead of fear.

Listen in as I (Janet) tell the story of a conversation with Bill Thrall about the impact of love and the symptoms we will notice in our stories when love is not trusted. Bill says, “Love is a process of meeting needs.” It’s true! We are all born with God-given needs. We will either trust love to meet our needs—or something less. We will develop habits and routines because we trust what love offers--that are different from the habits and routines we live with if we trust what fear offers. When we listen to fear instead of love, sin will impact our lives in the ways of bondage, dis-ease, and an unhealthy self-story. When we trust what Love is offering to meet our needs, we experience healing and wholeness. We live with integrity and peace. Our relationships are characterized by joy! In this episode, we offer these takeaways: 1. Love is a process of meeting needs. Having our needs met is the way we experience another’s love in our everyday lives. 2. If we are compliant, trying to earn love, there is a great risk of becoming a victim of performance-obsessed relationships. I will no longer be willing to take responsibility for my choices and I will hold those in authority responsible for who I am becoming. 3. Most of our non-clinical problems in this life are a direct result of not experiencing love.

Bill Thrall is a co-author of one of our favorite books, The Cure. We highly recommend it!

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Welcome to Season 3! We’re calling this season “Every Day Love” and our goal is to make love practical in our everyday lives. Recognizing the practicality of love requires us to let go of some of the common UN-practical definitions and ideas that we have about love. Love is so much more than an emotion or something you feel when you first start dating or when you bring home a newborn baby. Being loved is very different from being “in love.” Love is an experience that changes us…for good! In this episode, I (Janet) share the story about the night I realized for the first time that I was more than attracted to Doug. I realized that I LOVED him! Listen in as I share how I knew the difference between admiring Doug and enjoying the time we spent together. One of the things I realized was that I didn’t want to be someone who caused Doug more hurting or cost him more wounding. I didn’t want to be someone who let him live with more lies. Love is something that equips us and transforms us on our journey of personal growth. Love is what heals us and it is the fuel of maturity—and without love, we will get older, but we won’t grow up. To be alive is to be growing, not to have arrived. And without love, we simply survive. When we love one another, we get to impact and influence each other for good! In this episode, we offer these takeaways, from Nate Postlethwait: 1. “Stick with the ones who make you feel important. You’ve got one shot at this life and if the people who were meant to teach you about your value didn’t, then find those who can.” 2. “Your life is meant to be lived. Your relationships are meant to reflect love and safe connection.” 3. “If you don’t have access to a person, find words. Find books, find quotes, find things that make something in your feel important enough to keep looking for more.”

Have you downloaded the FREE RESOURCE on janetnewberry.com? Check it out and discover 3 truths you need to build a lifestyle of love!

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We are recording again! This episode catches our audience up on the changes that have impacted our story since we shared a conversation with podcast mics in front of us. In this conversation, we’re honest and admit that, too often, we can all unintentionally participate in a lifestyle built by fear. And, there is great hope! We have a choice to build a lifestyle of love. Listen in as we each share our favorite key ideas in a "love is fearless" lifestyle. I (Janet) also share why I picked “Uncomfortable” for my word for 2022. My reasons may surprise you and, if you have a habit of avoiding uncomfortable things on your to-do list, this conversation may set you free to pursue the dreams that stand on the other side of some necessary and uncomfortable action steps. Listen, too, as we begin to give you a glimpse into what’s coming in season 3, in a series we are calling “Everyday Love.” In this episode, we offer these takeaways: 1. “When we change the way we think, we change the way we live our lives.” Dr. Caroline Leaf 2. Spending time with people who see you the way God sees you and who speak to you truthfully the way God does, heals our wounded attachment styles because it is the experiences we’ve had with people who don’t see us truthfully that have wounded us. 3. To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear. (Unknown)

We mention two previous episodes that share some crazy, fun info about the frequency of love and fear. Follow these links to listen now:
Anxiety, Depression, and the ENERGY Love Offers

Freedom From Fear

We also talk about a book by Aundi Kolber, Try Softer. Janet highly recommends this great read.

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ZEALOUS is an adjective that describes someone who is passionate, fierce, and wholehearted. In a culture of love, we're invited to be zealous for the whole truth. That's very different from simply wanting to be right.

In a culture of fear, we can become apathetic and indifferent to the whole truth in our quest to keep our place in the invisible hierarchy, or because we're afraid of crossing the line in the sand between us and them.

In this episode, we talk about parenting, church, divorce, masks, and a few other topics that are controversial if we have to be simply "right," instead of on a journey to discover the whole truth and build a culture of love.

Join us in the transformative conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• If we are on a journey of desiring to discover the whole truth, the journey will be trustworthy, even though we'll believe some lies along the way. If we just want to be right (or popular or successful,) we'll find a place to belong, but our voices will only contribute to the divisive masses.
• The human brain is a rational organism, searching for evidence that matches what we believe. Parts of the whole truth divide us because bits and pieces of right and wrong polarize us in the ways our brains fight against the seemingly incongruent whole truth.
• Love doesn't make truth the opposite of wrong. Love invites me to understand that what is wrong is often a part of the whole true story. Fear teaches us to hide what's wrong, even if it means fighting against what is good.

JOIN the LOVE IS FEARLESS cause by visiting our website at www.loveisfearless.com

Follow this link to make a donation to support this mission of building cultures of love around the world. https://www.loveisfearless.com/helpus

Janet's book explores fresh ideas that contribute to the whole truth about education. If your children are going to be doing school at home this year, this book offers practical ideas for working together in love, instead of fear. Buy it on Amazon now. https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Together, there is great hope.

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We've been building an alphabet on the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast for months now. We've been talking about building cultures of love in our homes and communities by choosing LOVE instead of FEAR.

Without healthy attachments, fear is our only option. Every choice for love requires that we have someone we trust to help us experience that choice.

If that isn't humbling enough, left in a home--or a community--full of fear, our brains physically develop in a way that limits us to "fear only" choices because living in toxic stress literally causes measurable changes to brain structures.

Living with fear-built brain structures causes some people to experience an inability to concentrate and solve problems. For others, it manifests as impulsive behavior or aggression.

Trusting relationships that offer us love actually help us re-regulate our dis-regulated stress-response cycles.

Love one another is a brilliant plan. It is our great hope for healthy children, stable homes, and building unity in our own country and around the world.

Join us on this powerful episode to learn the LIF word for the letter Y, and to linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• Sleep is love; it helps us heal. Healthy food is love; it helps us stay healthy. Forgiveness is a gift from God; it is a tidal wave of supernatural love that literally gives us new life.
• Life is so much more than a fight to do all the right things and avoid all the wrong things. Life is a journey of experiencing real love to meet real needs. Any relationship or system that requires people to meet standards without the relationship or system meeting people's real needs is a problem, not the solution.
• A new life in Christ gives us the power to love one another. Without love, fear is what is left in our world. Fear builds a different neurological system, a different brain, and a different culture than love does. Keep choosing love.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cancel Culture and Grace, a blog post by Dave Burchett

The Deepest Well--Healing The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Nadine Burke Harris M.D.

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

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Conversations about racism may be at an all-time high in America right now. Conversations are the seedbed for change and it's past time for healing racism in our land.

In this episode, we're offering new tools to equip you to have a different conversation about racism, the pandemic, the next election, or any topic ripe with fear and trauma.

This episode leaves out a focus on right and wrong or good and bad, not because those truths aren't important, but because starting from a moralistic viewpoint can stall conversations instead of moving them forward to a place of finding common ground.

Instead of 3 TAKEAWAYS, we're giving you the 10 definitions and 12 questions with an invitation to use these tools for yourself. Listen in as we use these tools to talk about a hot topic in love, not fear.

10 definitions to build a foundation for difficult conversations:

• EGO - Our view of self-worth or self-importance; the personhood we live and speak from. Without self-confidence, we can lose our voice.
• SACRIFICE - An act of giving up something of value for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.
• RACISM - Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.
• PRIVILEGE - a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. TOXIC PRIVILEGE is a personal or group advantage without personal or group responsibility.
• RESPONSIBILITY - the ability to respond to your own needs and the needs of others in an appropriately mature way. Responsibility is the privilege of maturity.
• ABUSE - a misplacement of responsibility. Abuse happens when someone is supposed to be responsible for the well-being of others, but they hurt them instead of care for them. Abused happens when the strong take advantage of the weak/vulnerable instead of protecting them and helping them grow strong.
• MATURITY - a process of becoming fully developed, responsible, and fruitful in community. Maturity is hardwired in us but it is dependent on experiencing love. By design, the stages of maturity are infant, child, adult, parent, and elder. The definition of an adult is someone who can take care of themself and one other person at the same time. A parent is someone who takes care of themself and sacrificially cares for their family. An elder is someone who takes care of themself and sacrificially cares for the community.
• LOVE - An experience that meets our real needs with an impact and influence for good. Love stays with us. Love protects us from toxic fear and shame. Love is the fuel of maturity.
• FEAR - Healthy fear is like love in the ways it gives us the strength to fight and flight. Toxic fear is the slow and consistent drip of cortisol, prompted by a fear of not belonging, not measuring up, or not being protected in our weakness or vulnerability. Fear shuts down our immune systems and stunts maturity.
• TRUST - Our decision to move in one direction or another. Knowing something to be true is like starting the car. Trusting something is like pushing on the gas pedal and moving in the direction of love or fear, truth or lies.

A menu of 12 questions--

Pick one or a few and use the questions to build on the foundation built with the 10 words defined in the list above.

• Who is protected?
• Who is exposed?
• What is the potential motive?
• Who is responsible for taking care of who?
• Who is mature, based on the definition?
• Who is manipulating? Who is being manipulated?
• Who is shaming? Who is being shamed?
• Who is responsible/in power?
• Is the (person/leader/journalist/official...) operating with integrity as their true and best self?
• Who is vulnerable?
• Who is helping who?
• Are the least mature and most mature involved in the most effective ways?

LOVE IS FEARLESS is committed to building cultures of love around the world. We believe that together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Privilege, Responsibility, and Replacing Racism - a blog post by Janet Newberry

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry

Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You, A Life Model Book

If you'd like to be a sponsor of the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast, we'd love to hear from you. Send us an email for more details. Doug@janetnewberry.com or Janet@janetnewberry.com Thank you!

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In a culture of love, work is the way we invest our time and energy that has an impact and influence for good in our own lives and in the lives of the world around us.

In a culture of fear, we learn to avoid work and avoid responsibility. We learn to use manipulation and shame to deal with apathy and negligence--just to get things done.

Join us in this episode as we untangle the stories we tell ourselves about work and discover some practical ideas to embrace in relationship with yourself and others that support maturity instead of simply success.

The key ideas in this episode point to practical ways we can build new habits that help the vulnerable become strong who then help the vulnerable become strong.

These are the habits that will help us systemically lead future generations away from racism and civil chaos. Together, there is great hope.

In this episode, Doug shares some big news about a new job, and together, we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

• Disconnect privilege from pride, apathy, negligence, and shame. Connect pride with responsibility.
• We form different convictions in a culture of love than we do in a culture of fear. In a culture of fear, we learn to make decisions based on opportunity. In a culture of love, we learn to make decisions based on convictions. Let humility and truth help you form your convictions and invest your time and energy in the direction of your convictions.
• Disconnect the value of your work from the value of your paycheck. Connect the value of your work to your impact and influence for good--not simply in your own life, but in the lives of others as well.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

A Fresh Perspective on Work/Life Balance, a blog by Janet Newberry https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/a-fresh-perspective-on-work-life-balance

Two podcast episode for parents, grandparents, and teachers -

If I Don't Manipulate, How Do I Get My Kids To Do The Right Thing, part 1

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/91ed5b2a/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-thing-part-1

And, part 2

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/8d6a391e/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-things-part-2

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Atomic Habits by James Clear https://smile.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/0735211299

To Be Told by Dan Allender https://smile.amazon.com/Be-Told-Invites-Coauthor-Future/dp/1578569516/

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Transparency, authenticity, and vulnerability are popular buzz words these days. We sometimes use them as if they were synonyms, but they’re not.

Transparency means we’re open and not hiding anything; authenticity means what we offer to others is valid and accurate.

Vulnerability means I’m willing to be transparent and authentic because I need and trust your help. We say, “I’m hurt” or “I’m afraid” or "I'm ashamed" in the same conversation with “…and I don’t want to stay this way.”

Listen in as Doug and Janet unpack the power of vulnerability and share personal examples of real hurt and real healing.

Doug shares something he just wrote in his journal today that makes this episode come alive. There is great hope.

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends and small group. Enjoy a vulnerable conversation about these TAKEAWAYS -

• People behave differently in a culture of fear than they do in a culture of love. In a culture of fear, we pretend or stay hidden. It's safe to be vulnerable in a culture of love.
• "No one heals in isolation. No one matures in bitterness." ~ A quote from The Cure by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall.
• Healing doesn't happen all at once. A home flooded by a hurricane isn't restored in a day. Step by step, connection by connection, healing can be a reality.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Why You Should Choose Vulnerability, A blog post by Janet Newberry https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/why-you-should-choose-vulnerability/

The LOVE IS FEARLESS website

A LIF episode with John Lynch https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/d5e07cdd/why-love-is-the-only-weapon-against-self-sabotage

The Cure & Parents by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Matt McMillen and Freedom in Christ Movement

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In this episode, we are reminded that, as believers in the finished work of Jesus, all of our sins (past, present, and future) have been forgiven. "It is finished!" We are made new.

But all this newness now exists in physical bodies that are holding onto things (toxic emotions, habits, relationships...) that we've had for a long time and that aren't going to help us live in the truth of our newness.

Some of the things we hold tightest to because they are traditions began in response to an emergency--not in response to truth. Some of the systems we use on a daily basis are built on false traditions.

We've learned to hold onto guilt and shame. We often live with a toxic recipe of mixed emotions. Some of us have learned lifelong patterns of relating that are unhealthy and abusive--to ourselves and others.

Join us as we untangle some false traditions in this episode--including the black sheep/scapegoat response to the crisis of not trusting God with our unresolved issues.

We also talk about the heartache of carrying the weight of loss and sadness. We declared Thursday last week "A Day of Sadness." Listen in as we share the story of choosing to be honest about our hurt and our healing. We invite you to linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• If the lies of busyness tempted us to build false traditions in our families before, the truth of stillness is inviting us to build traditions based on love, instead of fear of missing out.
• A lie is never a step toward healing. Will you be UNWILLING to lie to yourself? Who will you trust as your source of truth?
• Law offers information about right and wrong. But information offers no strength to do the right thing. Love does. When we can begin to trust the strength of another to help us do what seems impossible to do on our own, we can begin to trust the strength of God to help us, too. Moving in the direction of love is the way we experience the resolution of our issues. The same source who offers us forgiveness now leads us on a journey of healing.

Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless-ebook/dp/B07MBQXS9L/

This quote: "…Asking "why" assumes that information has the power to heal. If I just knew why this was happening then the pain would be easier to endure.

What I've learned, however, is that information cannot mend a breaking, fearful heart. We see this in the story of Job. Even if God had told Job why he was suffering, Job would still have had to deal with the loss of his health and family and wealth.

The truth is, we may never fully understand why God allows the pain and disruption that devastates our lives. We may never find the right answers to when this season or soreness will end or how we’ll ever get out of it. There may not be any silver lining, especially not in the ways we would like. But we don’t need answers as much as we need God’s presence in and through the suffering itself. Because, when it comes to suffering, if we do not go to our graves in confusion we will not go to our graves trusting. Explanations are often a substitute for trust. So take heart and find hope in this: God’s chief concern for you right now is to be with you and to be Himself for you. And in the end, what you will discover is that this really is enough." Tullian Tchividjian

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A virus is an abuser--and we're all learning how to wash our hands and keep our distance so the toxic Coronavirus will make fewer people sick--especially those at high risk.

Sometimes our relationships make us sick with a different kind of virus. In toxic relationships, lies can attack our integrity and weaken our emotional immune system.

U in the LOVE IS FEARLESS alphabet stands for UNWILLING. Love gives us permission to be unwilling to live a life without healthy boundaries.

This episode offers these TAKEAWAYS:

• Make two lists: willing and unwilling. (Doug and Janet share their lists in this episode.) Start building an operating system based on love and truth, not fear and lies. Be unwilling to continue on a path simply because it's the way you've always done it if the way you've always done it is not LOVE.
• We're invited to live with fear as our servant, not our master. Trusting God, we're invited to live in the boundaries of freedom, not bondage--and not control. Love protects our freedom because whatever is coerced is not love.
• Free will is a part of every love story. If we are to live a love story, we must come to a place where we are unwilling to navigate relationships with manipulation, scorekeeping, misplaced responsibility, or shame.

We also offer these minimum requirements, quoted from Bob Hamp, to determine if an abuser is demonstrating true repentance (as in, their brain (their heart) is truly thinking differently):

1. They take responsibility for their harm (w/specificity and w/no excuses).
2. They act and speak with empathy (which demonstrates to you that they see you and they care for you and they realize the harm they’ve done to you).
3. They do this over time (it becomes their consistent and long-term way of interacting, not just a few times).
4. They also take responsibility and act with empathy over time in a public way (not just in private or in a therapy session).

There are also two specific ways in which the “victim“ demonstrates that their brain (their heart) is truly thinking differently:

1. They must give back the responsibility to the abuser for the abuser’s actions, feelings, thoughts.
2. They must stop carrying what is not theirs; and instead, only carry what is theirs to carry (their own thoughts, feelings, and actions).

Other resources mentioned in this episode:

Our work to build schools without fear https://www.john15academy.com/

When you're ordering online from Amazon, please consider choosing John 15 Academy as your charity of choice. It's easy. Simply, use this link. https://smile.amazon.com/ch/47-4823358

Together, there is great hope.

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If we aren't trusting love, we're trusting fear. The opposite of trusting truth is trusting lies. When we refuse to trust God, we're left trusting a resource that's less powerful and less trustworthy than a loving heavenly Father.

None of us have trust issues; we have issues with the stuff we trust.

Behavior is the echo of belief. For example, if I eat a sleeve of Oreos, it might be true that I KNOW better, but I BELIEVE it's ok to do the wrong thing. The same is true for the ways we relate in our closest and most casual relationships.

In this episode, we encourage you to answer this question for yourselves: "What stories are you telling yourself? And, are they true?"

We share some of the stories we've been telling ourselves that are true--and not true. Doug's journaling about these questions is powerful. Janet has believed some significant lies and now her life is changing because she's trading those lies for truth.

Your life can change, too. Join us in this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• Build relationships of trust so you can talk about the stories you're telling yourself--and others can talk to you. Be trustworthy in the ways that you care for the weak in your sphere of influence, instead of being the one who ignores the weak or takes advantage of them for your own gain.
• Just because you believe something to be true doesn't mean it is. For me, either. Trust the truth about who God says you are and who God says He is. Anything that doesn't match with those two truths will lead you down a path of fear instead of a path of love.
• Be willing to admit when you're telling yourself a story that's not true. Be willing to have a vulnerable and humble conversation outside of your echo chamber or peer group. Don't walk naked in front of the bullies and don't walk around believing the same thing that everyone else is believing just so you don't get bullied. Find the truth and find your voice. The world needs the truth that love offers and you can share this truth.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Our work to build schools without fear. https://john15academy.com/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

When you're ordering online from Amazon, please consider choosing John 15 Academy as your charity of choice. It's easy. Simply, use this link. https://smile.amazon.com/ch/47-4823358

Together, there is great hope.

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As leaders, we leverage either the power of love or fear to motivate or to manipulate those in our care.

Love helps us stay connected, especially in a season of struggle. In healthy relationships, we can work together in ways that build strength and maturity.

Fear requires that we "divide and conquer." Manipulation often keeps our eyes on the prize instead of on the people around us, who may need our love.

Manipulation is an almost guaranteed way to keep us disconnected, weak, and immature.

In this episode, we wrestle with a great question from a LIF listener and we talk about the power of SEROTONIN, the leadership chemical. Join us and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• As a leader and a parent, provide opportunities to work together instead of simply offering a prize for compliance so those you lead can build relationships of trust and grow stronger and wiser, instead of just earning more prizes.
• As a leader and a parent, model asking for help when you need it. Humility puts us in a position to receive the benefits of love. Our willingness to be humble teaches those we're leading the power of a transformational culture.
• "Put it on a paper plate." Love is always safe and never soft. When there is a struggle or an issue, name it. Write it down. Talk about it face to face. And move the issue from between you to in front of you--and look at it together. This is the power of love.

We discuss many great resources in this episode:

CHOOSE JOHN 15 ACADEMY on AMAZON SMILE and help us build schools without fear. It's simple. Just follow this link:https://smile.amazon.com/ch/47-4823358

These two episodes of the BRAVE LOVE podcast are two of our most popular--of all time!

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/91ed5b2a/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-thing-part-1

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/8d6a391e/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-things-part-2

Why Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek https://youtu.be/ReRcHdeUG9Y

Two Roads by John Lynch https://youtu.be/Rfy03PEVUhQ and https://youtu.be/mOJ1wUcP804

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

The Ascent of a Leader by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and Ken McElwrath

https://smile.amazon.com/Ascent-Leader-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104116/

JOIN the LOVE IS FEARLESS movement. Together we can build a world without fear. https://loveisfearless.com/

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In a culture of love, we grow in our capacity for responsibility. In a culture of fear, we are non-responsive to the things that are important, or we react instead of respond.

In this episode, we wrestle with some difficult topics as we offer five guidelines for personal responsibility in a culture of love.

1. I am responsible for building trust in relationship with others.
2. I am responsible for resolving my own emotions.
3. I am responsible for participating in my own healing.
4. I am responsible for participating in my own maturity.
5. I am responsible for setting boundaries in personal relationships.

"I am responsible" can be spoken in freedom, not fear. In the words of Polly Hamp, "There is more to you than the story that has been written through trauma. You can begin to write a new story when you choose to heal on purpose. (HOP Box/Healing on Purpose)

Consider these TAKEAWAYS as you wrestle with us about what's happening in our world today and what RESPONSE-ABILITY means in a culture of love.

• In a culture of fear, we've traded manipulation for responsibility. In a culture of love, I'm able to respond because I know who I am--not just because I'm trying to earn or deserve and not because I'm trying to destroy you. A culture of fear is always self-serving; in a culture of love, we are all served.
• Fear convinces us our view of justice is just. Without taking responsibility for our own healing, our version of justice will serve us and devalue others. We'll have a view that manipulates and shames for our personal gain or to balance the scales without forgiveness. Justice is never real without forgiveness. Without forgiveness, someone is always in bondage.
• Maturity is about sorting through what I need and what I want. It's about admitting when what I think I need is really just a pain killer or a shame salve. Maturity means I've learned the value of pushing through what's uncomfortable to land in a place where it's possible to live free and be trusted--not simply comfortable.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Janet's blog post/Reclaiming The Lost Art of Personal Responsibility https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/reclaiming-the-lost-art-of-personal-responsibility

https://www.janetnewberry.com/

https://www.john15academy.com/

https://www.loveisfearless.com/

Thank you for sharing LOVE IS FEARLESS with your friends and family. Together, there is great hope.

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The origin of the word “frantic” is a word that means “insane/gone mad.” In a culture of fear, life gets noisy and feels frantic. Sometimes it seems we’re at war with ourselves.

Who we are and how we spend our lives gets out of sync. We need some quiet to decide which way to shift—away from what has become normal, that feels anything but healthy. QUIET is a gift in a culture of love.

Will you give yourself permission to trust some quiet time to synchronize your life in a way that feels like peace, instead of war?

When we intentionally allow our thoughts to wander in quiet times, we can discover what’s out of sync. We can settle on a foundation of core values that remind us who we are and what we believe.

And moving forward, we can choose a road map that helps us position ourselves differently in relationships so that our lives move in the direction of our values, instead of just in the direction of the noise.

This episode offers some helpful ideas about discovering your own core values and also gives a clear roadmap that works in sync with the way the human heart was designed to live in peace. We also offer these 4 TAKEAWAYS:

• This week's key principle is: Sync your life with truth. Ask for help when you feel like you're stuck in a ditch. One simple adjustment can bring great relief. Adjust in the direction of truth. Love will help you.
• We often become “famous” while we are still immature—or when we’re wounded. We sometimes forget that immaturity is not how the human heart is wired to thrive. Immaturity is a season; not a ditch to die in.
• Learning to live in alignment with your values isn’t always convenient, but it’s affirming and empowering. It’s not easy, but it’s simple when the truth is clear.
• Fighting against lies is not the same thing as living in truth. Truth is something we learn from a source we trust. It is when we live in truth that others benefit from our strength—and grow stronger, too.

Thank you for joining us to build cultures of love around the world. JOIN THE CAUSE at https://loveisfearless.com/

We mention these resources in this episode:

How To Sync Your Life With Your Values by Janet Newberry

https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/how-to-sync-your-life-with-your-values

7 Reasons Why You Need Quiet Time

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-reasons-why-you-need-quiet-time/

Mercy Me—Best News Ever https://youtu.be/XyBMEDKiKaI

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John Lynch is our special guest on this powerful episode that offers freedom in the way only love can. John is one of our favorite authors, a dear friend, and one of the few people in the world who can talk about "permission and protection" in a way that has the potential to unlock a lifetime of bondage.

Many of us would make a 100 on a true/false test if the quiz asked if we knew that cheating was wrong, too much alcohol is bad for us, anger can be hurtful, or if pornography destroys trust. We all KNOW.

And we still give ourselves permission to do what we KNOW is wrong--unless we are protected by someone we ALLOW to protect us--and to help us change our minds about doing what we've always done. THIS is the power of LOVE.

Join us on this funny and potentially life-changing episode with John Lynch and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

1. Awareness of one's issues is not permission to address them. I must seek and receive permission to address the issues of others. (Trueface)
2. Protection is earned permission I give someone I trust to see behind the mask and hear the real struggle and all the lies I tell myself when I give myself permission to fail.
3. Accountability, except in a job description, is simply a function of law. It causes me to hide from and resent those who love me most and whom I need most.

We mention these resources in this episode:

John Lynch Speaks-- https://www.johnlynchspeaks.com/

https://www.facebook.com/JohnLynchSpeaks/

On My Worst Day: Cheesecake, Evil, Sandy Koufax, and Jesus by John Lynch https://smile.amazon.com/My-Worst-Day-Cheesecake-Koufax/dp/1934104078/

The Cure: What if God isn't who you think He is? and neither are you? By John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Cure & Parents https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Two Roads - on YouTube (full length) https://youtu.be/Rfy03PEVUhQ

(shorter version) https://youtu.be/mOJ1wUcP804

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Protection is a gift of love that can get lost in a culture of fear. Fear is the voice that demands we have no boundaries. Without boundaries, identity gets confusing and lies boldly claim their place as truth.

When we're confused about truth, we're confused about what to protect and what to expose. Unprotected, harm happens. Hurt happens. Exposure invites injury--sometimes to our souls.

We don't have a choice today to be changed...or not. Today, we will grow stronger or weaker. Our choice is to be changed by the power of love or the power of fear.

This episode moves some fences in the way love does--to protect what fear wants to expose. Join us for this powerful conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• The definition of freedom includes this idea: "not being imprisoned or enslaved." We will not be free without the protection love offers. Love offers truth in a way that can be trusted. Truth helps us recognize the lies that want to convince us they are our servants, but these lies are not designed to serve us...only to enslave us.
• 3 things LOVE considers when it protects what it loves: (1) Will this make you stronger? or weaker? (2) Will this keep you safe? or put you in a place of unhealthy vulnerability? or in danger of being taken advantage of in a way that is bigger than you're ready to handle? (3) Will this free your life or put you in bondage?
• In a culture of love, we experience protection and learn to offer protection. In a culture of fear, we are exposed in harmful ways.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Seth Godin's blog post, Being Stuck Is Reasonable - https://seths.blog/2019/09/being-stuck-is-reasonable/

Janet's new website - https://www.janetnewberry.com/

Janet's blog post, How To Teach Our Children About Consequences. https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/how-to-teach-children-about-consequences

Breakpoint's blog post about the Super Bowl halftime show.

https://breakpoint.org/j-lo-and-shakiras-super-bowl-performance-and-our-cultures-mixed-messages/

Janet's book about offering education without fear - https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

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Fear invites us to experience life differently than love does. What we experience, we will share. You're in the right place if you want to experience and share love--not fear.

You're in the right place if you're hungry to discover your true PURPOSE in life and, perhaps, let go of an invalid identity that's wearing you out and keeping you afraid.

In this episode, I share a vulnerable story from my childhood about an experience that offered me an invalid identity. And I admit that my real destiny just sat waiting for me while I pretended my purpose was something God never said it was.

Doug and I share our own answers to 3 powerful questions that can help you discover your purpose, too, in a world without fear, and we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

• "Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place." (unknown)
• "Fear makes us see things that aren't there, imagine things that'll never happen, connect dots and draw conclusions that are absolutely incorrect. Love opens up our hearts to trust our loving Father. Love inspires us to believe the best, not fear the worst. Spend some time pondering the love God has for you." (Susie Larson)
• Spend some time journaling about these 3 questions: (1) Who am I when no one needs me? (2) What is my most passionate YES? (3) What is my most powerful NO?

We mention these resources in this episode:

Bob Hamp and Think Differently Academy

https://www.facebook.com/ThinkDifferentlyAcademy/

The Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile https://smile.amazon.com/Road-Back-You-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0830846190

To Be Told--God Invites You To Coauthor Your Future by Dan B. Allender

https://smile.amazon.com/Be-Told-Invites-Coauthor-Future/dp/1578569516/

The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck https://smile.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Timeless-Traditional/dp/0743243153/

Grace Life Fellowship https://www.facebook.com/GraceLifeFellowship/

Also, check out my new website https://janetnewberry.com/ We're excited about the update!

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The power of love holds the secret to completing the stress response cycle and experiencing long-term healing from real stress. In this episode, we'll tell you more about this one BIG reason to keep choosing love over fear.

Here's what research is teaching us: learning to power through stress isn't enough. Even learning to eliminate some sources of stress won't provide all the relief we need because there will always be tension and trauma we can't avoid. Unavoidable stress--left unresolved, will make us sick.

There is great hope. We can find ways to experience LOVE in trusting relationships and eliminate the toxic hormone explosion that happens when we're under stress.

When we nourish our hearts, minds, and souls with LOVE--our bodies chemically experience a kind of "coming home." This completes the stress response cycle in our physical bodies and helps us avoid staying stuck in wounded-ness, insecurity, anxiety, and immaturity.

Join us to find out more about this "love one another" miracle and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• Oxytocin is the stuff we need to complete the stress response cycle. Without oxytocin, we'll stay stuck--in wounded-ness, insecurity, anxiety, and immaturity.
• Immature people don't recognize the same long-term implications of radical ideas that mature people do. Maturity comes from love, not success.
• Wounded people hurt people. Restored people restore people. Love is the source of restoration.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Gift In You by Dr. Caroline Leaf https://smile.amazon.com/Gift-You-Discovering-Through-Hidden/dp/0981956734/

Trees in the tub: Try "bathing" in nature to reduce stress

https://www.northcountrypublicradio.org/news/story/40401/20200118/trees-in-the-tub-try-bathing-in-nature-to-reduce-stress

Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReRcHdeUG9Y

Our work to build schools without fear https://www.john15academy.com/about

Thank you for sharing the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast with your friends and family. Together, there is great hope.

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"We keep doing good...thinking it will make us good." Those are the words written on an index card laying on the desk in our living room.

This one idea is the fundamental flaw that upends our cultural compass, sends us to bed both exhausted and sick, and keeps us in racial and religious bondage.

In a culture of love, we're beginning to experience the power of a different reality. Truth tells us we don't become good by doing good; rather, we become good because of what we trust and receive--in relationships.

When we trust and receive:

strength, we become strong.

protection, we become protectors.

safety in relationships, we become safe people in relationships.

And, when we trust and receive:

fear as a motivator, we become anxious.

shame, we become afraid to fail.

trivial pursuits, we live meaningless lives.

Join us on this episode to find the hope LOVE offers for moving us out of the stress cycle that fear wants us stuck in. Linger in these TAKEAWAYS that remind us to nourish our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls:

• "Wellness is not a state of being. It is not a state of mind. It is a state of action. The cure for burnout is not self-care. It's all of us caring for each other." (A quote from Emily Nagoski.)
• A life of love happens when we choose the experiences, the food and drink, the risks and choices that love offers...instead of the experiences, the food and drink, the risks and choices that fear offers. So many of the choices that fear offers have become false traditions--and addictions, and have, therefore built a culture of fear. With collective intentionality, we can change the world and build a culture of love.
• In a culture of love, we can learn to ask ourselves: "Do I really need more? Or do I need something different?" We can learn to nourish our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls...with love. We can love one another in these ways, too.

We mention these resources in this episode:

YOU can buy a LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirt! https://www.loveisfearless.com/shop

NPR Author Interviews--"Beating Burnout: Sisters Write Book To Help Women Overcome Stress Cycle". https://www.npr.org/2019/05/05/720490364/to-help-women-kick-burnout-sisters-write-book-to-understanding-stress-cycle

Seth Godin's blog post: "Confusing Hunger and Thirst".

https://seths.blog/2020/01/confusing-hunger-and-thirst/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Thank you for sharing the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast with your friends and family. Together, there is great hope.

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It doesn't seem reasonable that we'd have a conversation with a top sports psychologist and peak performance coach when our topic this week is MIRACLES and the power of LOVE.

It's NOT reasonable. It's a miracle!

David Cook is a speaker, consultant, coach, author, and film-maker in the field of Sport and Performance Psychology. He served as "Mental Training Coach" for the San Antonio Spurs from 1996 – 2004 that included two World Championships.

Golf Digest (2013) named him one of the “Top 10 Mental Game Experts” in the world of golf. He has coached several of the Tour’s top players.

His message for our LOVE IS FEARLESS community is FREEDOM from fear. It's the same message he shares with his clients--who win! David is a great storyteller. He is generous with us in this episode and we are honored.

Join us now to connect the dots between LOVE and fearless FREEDOM and find real strength in these TAKEAWAYS:

• Building a culture of love requires us to make room for miracles. Miracles are those supernatural things that change us from what we were--weak and wounded, to what we can be--strong and healthy. LOVE always makes us strong.
• "The battle has begun, but remember, it is not your battle. See His Face, Feel His Presence, Trust His Love." (A quote from Golf's Sacred Journey--The Sequel to Seven Days in Utopia by David Cook.)
• Building a culture of love invites us to be on the lookout for miracles--and call them what they are. Miracles are unreasonable. They are real experiences that we can't manufacture on our own. Miracles are the byproduct of trust and love--and they remind us we're not the only player in the arena. LOVE is here!

We mention these resources in this episode:

Links of Utopia https://www.linksofutopia.com/

Golf's Sacred Journey--The Sequel by David Cook (book)https://www.linksofutopia.com/golfs-sacred-journey-the-sequel

Seven Days In Utopia by David Cook (book) https://www.linksofutopia.com/seven-days-in-utopia

Seven Days In Utopia -- the movie. Now available on Amazon Prime/videos.

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Thank you for sharing the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast and website with your friends and community. Together, there is great hope. https://www.loveisfearless.com/

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Every week we're offering new discoveries about the power of love, how we can practically CHOOSE LOVE, and how we can become aware of the ways we're choosing fear--without even knowing it.

L stands for laughter in the LIF alphabet and it may be more powerful than we think.

As living beings, we literally vibrate with energetic frequency. The body resonates at a frequency between 62 to 72 Hz when healthy. Disease starts at 58 Hz. Death begins at 25 Hz. And, there is a good reason for the expression "scared to death" because the frequency of fear is 19 Hz.

When we experience low-frequency emotions, it's important to know how to return to a healthy state to protect against chronic health problems. The frequency of laughter is 270 Hz and the frequency of love is 528 Hz. Laughter is indeed great medicine!

Join us for this fun episode about the power of laughter and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• When your children tune out anything that smells like a lecture--laughter is a great way to reconnect.
• Laughter is a fun way to add the power of LOVE to the atmosphere. Ridicule makes someone else pay for our laughter. Instead of adding energy to relationships, everyone loses.
• LOVE is a force of energy. It is so much more than a feeling or an emotion. LOVE is a POWER. Every time we risk what LOVE requires, we unleash a force in the universe that must be reckoned with. It is impossible for LOVE to not have an effect...for good.

We mention these great resources in this episode:

"What are the signs of low vibration?" https://sarahnegus.com/what-are-the-signs-of-low-vibration/

A Book of Courtesy: The Art of Living With Yourself and Others by Sister Mary Mercedes https://smile.amazon.com/Book-Courtesy-Living-Yourself-Others/

LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts and hoodies! https://www.loveisfearless.com/shop

Irresistible by Andy Stanley https://smile.amazon.com/Irresistible-Reclaiming-Jesus-Unleashed-World/dp/0310536979/

Our work to build schools without fear https://www.john15academy.com/

Thank for sharing this LIF episode with your friends and helping us build a world without fear.

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Welcome to the ROARING 20s! We hope this decade will be remembered as the time in history when LOVE roared louder than fear. Together, there is great hope.

Most new year's resolutions involve self-discipline and are motivated by a lack of satisfaction with life as we're experiencing it right now.

CHOOSING LOVE OVER FEAR is a resolution that involves more self-awareness than self-discipline--and here's something we're willing to guarantee by the end of 2020:

When you become fluent in love the way you are now fluent in fear, you're going to notice a change in yourself and your relationships. The healthy parts of you are going to get stronger. The weak parts are going to get stronger, too. That's a benefit of being really KNOWN.

We are created for INTIMACY and IMPACT and we can experience this full and free life in a culture of love. Join us in this first LIF episode of 2020, and look clearly at these TAKEAWAYS:

• LOVE can't help us if we don't let others close enough to do two things: 1. Have real conversations and ask for help. 2. Have real conversations and give someone we trust permission to speak into our blindspots and protect us from the lies we've believed for a long time.
• FEAR fights for and protects CONTROL. LOVE fights for and protects FREEDOM. We must learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of a culture of fear and respond by intentionally building a culture of love.
• Fear will roar loudly in 2020, and we can choose to be part of a stronger roar. This decade can be remembered as a time in history when love roared louder than fear. We can orchestrate a decade of roaring 20s that leaves our country, its citizens, and the world a stronger place--instead of a place made vulnerable by the constant attacks of fear.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

A quote from this video by our friends at Trueface: "What if there was a place so safe you could share the worst parts of you and you would be loved more in the telling of it?"

https://youtu.be/5MFCrDcIaCg

Thank you for sharing LOVE IS FEARLESS with your friends and community. Please consider becoming a monthly donor to support this LIF movement. Together, we can build a world without fear. https://www.loveisfearless.com/helpus

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One resolution is all you need for the new year and the new decade. Imagine your life next year at this time...without fear.

Most of us don't realize it's possible to live a life without fear, where love removes anxiety, anger, and shame from every conversation, every challenge, every decision.

We are not people who lack faith. We are all depending on something or someone. The question for all of us in the new year is: Are we depending on LOVE or something less? LOVE is our greatest source of strength.

In this episode, we share 5 practical reasons to depend on LOVE instead of fear in the new year, and we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

• Many of us are not yet in the habit of sorting love choices from fear choices. Once we can recognize what love looks like and what fear offers us, we can help each other choose love over fear.
• Sorting through our fears and insecurities is essential to the process of maturity. Fear puts lies and insecurities in positions of power. LOVE me offers the protection I need to keep insecurity from determining my next step.
• When trouble comes in 2020--and it will--let's build the habit of choosing LOVE instead of fear as our dance partner.

Thank you for joining us on LOVE IS FEARLESS in 2019. We wish you a very merry Christmas and a blessed new year! Please keep sharing LIF with your friends and on social media. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cure & Parents by our friends at Trueface -- https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Don't You Want to Thank Someone by Andrew Peterson -- https://youtu.be/ERrFXvEOjVM

Please consider a year-end donation to LOVE IS FEARLESS. We greatly appreciate your support. https://www.loveisfearless.com/helpus

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LOVE or FEAR will be our source of strength today and our bodies will develop reliance and a comfort level with one or the other. In our LIF community, we're learning what fear looks like and sounds like, and we're learning to respond to these signs and symptoms with love.

In this episode, Doug shares about a time in his life when he was afraid and living DISCONNECTED from safe and meaningful relationships. DISCONNECTED is the LOVE IS FEARLESS contrast to JOY.

JOY describes life by design--in a culture of love. Join us to hear a part of Doug's story and the real transformation that LOVE offers...when we trust it. Together, there is great hope.

We share these TAKEAWAYs in this episode:

• We discover JOY and build JOY strength in relationships of trust. Our LOVE IS FEARLESS definition of JOY is "it's good to be me, here with you." When it's not good to be me, here with you--our lives are adversely affected by the power of fear instead of transformed by the power of love.
• The ability to "return to JOY" from every unpleasant emotion is the hallmark of mental health. We learn to take this healing journey when we stay connected in relationships with people who are mature and who love us well, especially when we struggle and when we have experienced trauma.
• LOVE is the source of strength we're designed to live with--not FEAR. LOVE supports our immune systems and protects our mental health. It is vital that we recognize the signs and symptoms of living in a culture of FEAR and respond by helping each other experience a culture of LOVE instead.

Keep choosing JOY instead of FEAR, friends.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You by James G. Friesen, E. James Wilder, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke, and Maribeth Poole

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

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Scott Morrison was an anomaly to me (Janet) when I first met him--about 5 years ago. In some ways, he still is. He is kind, but he has boundaries. He is wise, and he is tender and helpful. He has a weird sense of humor that invites me to laugh, especially in those moments I need to be reminded just to breathe.

We invited Scott to record this episode with us because we're talking about the transforming power of INTEGRITY. He's the best man to join us for this conversation. And, here's my bet: You're going to want to write down some of his words to look at again later. We did!

We can't build a culture of love without integrity. And I can only act with integrity when I am sure I am loved. Together, there is great hope.

Thank you for joining us, Scott--and for leaving us with these TAKE AWAYS:

• An internal heart definition of INTEGRITY is: "I am sound and whole and consistent--continuously. I don't have to be different from one person to another."
• Think of integrity not as a standard--but as a thermometer. Ask yourself: What is going on inside that produces this reaction today?
• We struggle with integrity when we are insecure. Ask yourself and trusted others: What lies am I believing that make me insecure today?

Find out more about Trueface by visiting their website. https://trueface.org/

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In a performance-obsessed culture, we learn to hide our mistakes. We defend our perspectives--not because we're always right, but because we're afraid of the penalty that comes with being wrong.

In a culture of love, we build relationships of trust and value the truth that others offer us that we don't yet see for ourselves. We change our minds on our personal journeys from hurt to healing and from immaturity to maturity.

Humility is where healing begins--emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Humility is our part in the Good News narrative. Join us on this episode for a great story, a powerful analogy, and these TAKEAWAYS:

• Risk asking someone this week to share with you what you aren't seeing. You need other people to help you fill in your blind spots.
• Humility is our invitation to rest because we are inviting others to look at our chaos. In safe relationships, we are willing to admit the lies that have become a part of our story and we are willing to trade the lies for truth so we can live in peace, instead of dis-ease.
• "As we begin this journey, ask yourself, Where is it that I come from? And where is it I am going? May your heart be curious as you study the great tragedy and beauty that your story reveals." (Jay Stringer, Unwanted) And may you find trusted others to help you tell your story in truth.

Thank you for joining the cause at LOVE IS FEARLESS and sharing this podcast with your friends. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

Trust for Today by the Trueface Team

Unwanted--How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way To Healing by Jay Stringer

Trueface.org

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One of the best parts of going to Chick-Fil-A is the way every employee always responds to a customer's "Thank you" with a sincere "My pleasure!" Have you ever wondered why those two words hit such a sweet spot...deep in your soul?

It's because we are wired to find deep satisfaction having an impact for good in someone else's life. This is what it means to love one another. And we were made for it.

GRATITUDE is the thankful admission that we have been influenced for good by the love of another.

Despite our legalistic, "you better be good for goodness sake" upbringing, we are not wired to find this same kind of deep satisfaction simply by "being good." Good behavior offers us no rush of oxytocin-the love hormone. We are made for love!

Join us on this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYs:

• We are created to find deep satisfaction, not in being good, but in being loved--and loving others.
• LOVE is the source of our pleasure--not goodness. Experiencing gratefulness is a part of the human experience when we take ourselves out of a "be good" narrative, and allow ourselves to "be loved" and "be loving."
• Being good is about my potential. Impacting and influencing the world FOR good is about my destiny! One will keep me striving and living in fear; the other invites me to thrive and live in love.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cure--What if God isn't who you think He is and neither are you? by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Almost Home by Mercy Me https://youtu.be/8_ij-VGMMxQ

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

LOVE IS FEARLESS - Join the cause! https://loveisfearless.com

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Many of us enjoy singing this line in a popular worship song, "I'm no longer a slave to fear." SLAVE is a powerfully accurate word in that refrain. FEAR will be our master unless we trust LOVE to set us FREE.

Freedom can be defined as a life lived in the truth that love offers. Our KEEP CHOOSING LOVE challenge this week is to refuse the slavery of fear. In this episode, we'll highlight the relationship between fear and lies, and between love and truth.

It's a bit ironic that this episode is the last one we'll record in Freedom, our Airstream. By the time this episode publishes, the 27' that has been our home will have begun a new chapter--with new owners. We're cheering you on Paul and Emily!

Join us as we share some funny stories and some inspiring truths from the past 880 days lived in Freedom.

Linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

• A life lived in freedom is the life offered by LOVE. FEAR will always make us slaves. LOVE will always set us free.
• Fear is a liar. When we trust anything other than truth, we will live as slaves to fear. Love is a truth-teller. When we trust the truth that love offers, we will live in freedom.
• Trusting God’s love is our invitation to experience God’s love. If we don’t trust His love, we’re defaulting to a life of fear. Trusting His love gives us the freedom we didn’t have before—the freedom to love…ourselves and others.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Anxiety, Depression, and the ENERGY love offers - https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/1e868b8b/anxiety-depression-and-the-energy-love-offers

Trueface.org / The High Trust Leadership course https://www.trueface.org/high-trust-leader-certificate

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ENERGY is the strength and vitality required for sustained physical and mental activity. It is also the power derived from physical and spiritual resources.

ENERGY can be measured in frequencies--even the energy of love and fear.

When we trust love, we gain strength and vitality. When we trust fear, we are powerless.

Do you know the energetic frequency of love and fear? Join us in this episode to find out (it's crazy cool, y'all!) and linger in these key TAKEAWAYS:

• The opposite of dreaming is living in the limited reality we see with our physical eyes and what we hear with our human ears. The alternative to DREAMING is being contented with FALSE TRADITIONS.
• This is the power of relationships of trust--and choosing love. When I have a choice, I get to choose what is me, and what is good for me. That's very different from choosing what the world says is good.
• The alternative to ENERGY is POWERLESSNESS. Without trusting LOVE, we are POWERLESS to heal, connect, win the battle against fear, or impact and influence the world--or each other--for good.

Join the LOVE IS FEARLESS movement and help us build cultures of love around the world. Visit loveisfearless.com Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Frequency of Disease https://thesoulfrequency.com/frequency-of-disease/

Eight Ways to Raise Your Vibration (your positive energy) https://www.theholisticingredient.com/blogs/wholesome-living/13587702-8-ways-to-raise-your-vibration-your-positive-energy

Love is 528 https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/love-is-528-the-worlds-first-song-using-the-scientifically-proven-frequency-of-love-300307498.html

Mythbuster Test the Frequency of Fear https://www.sageaudio.com/blog/music-news/mythbusters-test-the-frequency-of-fear.php

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Jason Pamer is a dreamer--so he knows the power of fear. And he knows the power of love. He's a storyteller whose words weave a tapestry that ignites a fire in your soul. That fire was put in your DNA before the beginning of time. It's the dream God gave you before your earthly life began.

Fear will try to kill that dream--or at least stall it, or derail it. And love will protect it. If we let love.

This episode is longer than most others and it is way too short to capture the energy and life of the true artist that is our guest. Thank you, Jason Pamer. You loved us well in this conversation. We are honored to offer this gift to our LOVE IS FEARLESS audience.

Listen to the episode, friends. Don't just settle for these valuable TAKEAWAYS:

• Our God-given dreams are invitations to change the world. They will only thrive in a culture of love.
• Be on the lookout for dream seeds in your key relationships. Be the friend (or the spouse) who listens and questions and encourages and protects the dreams of those you love.
• "Grasp your dreams. Reach for them. Take appropriate risks. One of the worst things you can die with is potential. Die with failures before you die with potential." (Dr. Henry Cloud)

Share this episode with someone who has a dream. Tell them to keep going. Together, there is great hope.

You can find out more about Jason's work at:

www.sypherfilms.com

www.heartofmanmovie.com

www.heartofmanjourney.com

www.northwood.io

Rape For Profit https://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/rape-for-profit/id667564959

Trueface https://trueface.org/

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Conversations are becoming a lost art in our fear-based culture--and loneliness has reached epidemic proportions.

"Loneliness is not the physical absence of other people. It's the sense that you're not sharing anything that matters with anyone else." (Johann Hari)

In this episode, we share a vulnerable story about a decision we made early in our relationship that we now see set us up for a marriage rich with meaningful conversations.

This episode feels sacred to us, and we offer you these TAKE AWAYS:

• Meaningful conversations and connections act like antibiotics that fight the bacteria of loneliness. The life we live will build the world we live in. Build with love.
• LOVE heals our psychology. The power of the words we speak in relationships of trust act with the same skill as a surgeon, carefully removing malignancies and cleaning away infection.
• Transactions are a loving and respectful way to do business. "I value what you're offering and I'll pay you for it." Transactions are a fearful way to do personal relationships. "What I value is you, and you don't need to work to earn my love."

In a culture of love, the words that come out of our mouths begin to paint a portrait of the stuff that's in our souls. We get to shine a light on the good stuff, and let love resolve the rest.

Thank you for sharing LOVE IS FEARLESS with your friends or your small group.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Our work to teach children to have meaningful conversations. https://john15academy.com

The Wisdom of Wilderness: Experiencing the Healing Power of Nature by Gerald May

Astroball: The New Way To Win It All by Ben Reiter

The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

The Saving Life of Christ by Major W. Ian Thomas

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We're filling a tool box with the things that help us build cultures of love. In the previous episode, we added AFFECTIONS to our tool box. This week, we share our own lists of "things we love" and how we sorted our loves into two categories: affections and addictions.

In this episode, we're admitting that BEAUTY can be a power tool for real transformation--especially when the details of our lives are "not good."

Enjoy the personal stories we share, and linger in these TAKE AWAYS:

• The key difference between a culture of fear and a culture of love is how we respond to "not good." In a culture of love, we respond in love. We choose affections, not addictions.
• A strategic anchor for living life and building a culture of love is this: "If it's not beautiful, we don't do it."
• Here's your "keep choosing love" challenge: Choose beauty this week, especially when things are "not good."

Send us an email (janet@janetnewberry.com or doug@janetnewberry.com) and tell us how you keep choosing love--and thank you for sharing this episode with your friends.

Join the LOVE IS FEARLESS movement by downloading a free resource at loveisfearless.com--or choose "join the cause."

We mention these additional resources in this episode:

LOVE IS FEARLESS on Instagram can be found @keepchoosinglove.

Doug and Janet love the pastries at Emma and Ollie's in Fredericksburg, TX. Check out their website. https://www.emmaolliefbg.com/

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Intentionally building a culture is different than working to change behavior. LOVE IS FEARLESS is working to build cultures of love because people behave differently in a culture of love than they do in a culture of fear.

Building cultures of love offers us a new menu of things to love. In a culture of fear, what starts out as a "love" relationship often ends up as a relationship of bondage. Think about Lay's potato chips, Netflix, shopping, or video games.

In this episode we discuss the differences between affections and addictions. Use these questions to sort your own list of "Things I LOVE" into these two categories--and keep choosing love in all the ways you invest your time and energy in true affections, instead of addictions.

What does love do? (True affections offer us these benefits.)

• Love makes us stronger.
• Love contributes to maturity.
• Love has an impact and influence for good--even in our pain or struggle or trauma.
• Love tells us the truth...in love.
• Love offers freedom.
• Love wants the best for you.

What does love not do? (These things are often true of addictions.)

• Love does not always give us our own way--if it's not a healthy way.
• Love offers us the presence of something good in our pain, but does not always relieve our pain.
• Love doesn't always makes things easier.
• Love doesn't make demands--or offer "golden handcuffs."
• Love does not use you for personal gain.

This episode offers these key TAKE AWAYS:

1. Affections influence us in the ways of freedom, not bondage. Affections invite us to create and contribute and conquer--not each other, but conquer our fears.
2. Cultivate a healthy skepticism of your own affections. Truth is essential. Sometimes truth offers a hard stop...or a significant u-turn. Sometimes love sits down for a season, to take a deep breath and be reminded of the truth.
3. Being good may have nothing to do with love. It may have everything to do with being smart or successful or talented. But many smart, successful, and talented people are missing out on love--and so are the people closest to them.

Visit loveisfearless.com to download a free resource to help you choose love over fear today--and to join the cause. Subscribe to LOVE IS FEARLESS on your favorite podcast provider--and thank you for sharing this episode with your friends.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Visit john15academy.com to learn more about our work to build schools without fear.

Thank you, Jon Schmidt and Stephen Sharp Nelson for being a great affection to share with our grandchildren. https://thepianoguys.com/

The Houston Astros are a team that loves each other well. Listen to the reporter's question, and A. J. Hinch's response in this post game interview--this is LOVE! You don't need to listen to the whole video; listen to what he says from 2:50--3:30.

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There is a crisis in our world today. It's a crisis of fear. We live afraid. We're afraid of what people will think, afraid of missing out, and afraid of losing control.

But what if we stop living afraid and instead choose love over fear?

We're creating a community of truth-seekers who together are learning how to choose love over fear in every conversation, every challenge, and every decision. Every day, one day at a time.

In this first LOVE IS FEARLESS episode, we talk about six key principals that are always true in "love one another" cultures, and we offer these three TAKE AWAYS:

• Fear will always be with us, but we don't have to live dominated by unhealthy fear. We can build cultures of love in our relationships, homes, schools, workplaces, churches, and communities when we learn to contribute love--instead of fear--into those cultures.
• We can begin to recognize the evidence of a culture of fear. Fear cultures are characterized by the things that thrive in fear: manipulation, immaturity, walking on eggshells, control, pretending, bullying, addiction, abuse, enabling, dis-ease, suicide, terrorism, apathy, rebellion or compliance to government or cultural standards, and a loss of freedom.
• We can begin to intentionally make room for and protect all the good fruit that grows in a culture of love. Love cultures are characterized by: trust, humility, creativity, maturity, dreams, integrity, courage, physical and mental health, hope, safety, heartfelt obedience to truth, heroic sacrifice, peace, and freedom.

Subscribe to the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast on your favorite podcast provider.

We mention these resources in this episode:

A FREE downloadable resource, "Three Ways To Choose Love Today" on our new website: loveisfearless.com .

John Lynch - https://www.facebook.com/john.lynch.7564

Bob Hamp . https://www.facebook.com/bob.hamp

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"The knowledge that we are loved will never peel away our masks or heal our wounds. “Knowing about love” and “experiencing love” are not the same thing." (The Cure, by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall)

Isn't it weird that "knowing about fear" and "experiencing fear" are almost always the same thing? If we know there's a reason to fear, we will.

But love? Just because there's "a reason to love," doesn't seem to open the faucet. We hold back...like there's a love shortage and we need to conserve the good stuff. We restrain ourselves...like we might risk and waste. In our gut, we know love is sacred.

As long as we stay afraid of love, we will be slaves to fear.

In this episode, we share eight things we've discovered about love--and why we keep trusting it. We're learning to live without fear--and LOVEISFEARLESS.com wants to help you choose love, too.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS in this last episode (#66) titled the BRAVE LOVE podcast.

• Love doesn't put a rubber stamp on fear and hate and call it "good." Love has the power to transform fear and hate, and it will when we trust it. Love is always ready to resolve those things...that it loves us in spite of.
• Love isn't behavior modification. Love is response modification. Too many times, we don't risk responding with love because we think we have to have all the answers. The answer we always need first is the love that erases our fear.
• We can't build love banks like we build food banks. We can't donate love like we donate blood. We can't give away love like our outgrown clothes. LOVE is like oxygen, and the only tanks it can be delivered in are human beings.

This podcast will continue with a new name. Join us for future episodes on the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast. Remember, together--there is great hope.

These resources were mentioned in this episode:

Our new LOVE IS FEARLESS website with FREE resources. https://loveisfearless.com/

The Cure https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Gift In You https://smile.amazon.com/Gift-You-Discovering-Through-Hidden/dp/0981956734/

Searching For God Knows What https://smile.amazon.com/Searching-Knows-What-Donald-Miller/dp/1400202752/

Scary Close https://smile.amazon.com/Scary-Close-Dropping-Finding-Intimacy/dp/078521318X/

Our work to build schools without fear: https://john15academy.com

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We're on a mission--to build a world without fear. Too many people live as slaves--afraid. The world is missing out on their voice, their creativity, and the beauty, strength, and passion they were created to contribute. Too many people are missing out on freedom.

We can't fight a war against fear by lobbying the legislature to make more laws. Fear doesn't obey the law. You can't buy anything (legally or illegally) to stop fear. There is only one weapon against fear--and that weapon is LOVE.

We've tried to do a lot of damage in our culture to the integrity of love. We've called things LOVE that are not love. And, now, many people are afraid--of love. Fear is keeping too many of us afraid of the one thing that holds the keys to our freedom.

This episode unpacks seven reasons why we're stuck in fear--and sets the stage for episode #66 that will reveal eight things we've discovered about love. Until then, linger in these TAKE AWAYS:

• We will always be battling some sort of behavior issue until we win the war on fear. There is one weapon that destroys fear--and it is LOVE, not law. Look for the fear before you write another rule.
• In our culture today, fear is normal and love is abnormal. It's time for a culture shift.
• If we teach love like a behavior system--and turn it in to a sticker chart or a checklist--it won't be love. Love will taste like bad frozen fish sticks if we turn it into the skill of the week.

Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Donald Miller's podcast--How To Frame Your Mission To Get Maximum Buy-in--An Interview with U.S. Ambassador for Trafficking in Persons, John Richmond

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/building-a-storybrand-with-donald-miller/id1092751338

Our work to build schools without fear:

https://john15academy.com

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

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It is most often the things we're created to find the greatest pleasure in--that become our greatest places of bondage instead. Think about food and sex--and social media.

Social media offers to meet our God-given need for connection and belonging. So why does it seem like we can never get enough? How can something we were meant to enjoy, all of a sudden seem like a trap? or like an addiction we didn't see coming?

Join us in this episode, and listen with a pencil in your hand so you can write down five short questions to ask yourself about your social media attraction. These questions can be helpful in a conversation with your child, too, as they begin to navigate the social media scene.

These five questions are our gift to you in this episode, along with these three TAKE AWAYS:

• What we love or what we fear will grab our attention and require our time and energy and resources--and what we spend our time on will shape our convictions--and stir our emotions.
• A love of freedom is learned in an environment of freedom. Freedom invites us to discover many loves--and live pursuing what we love. Addictions convict us with shame--and invite us to live with a need for power, or with a chronic case of apathy.
• Fear sets no boundaries. Love does. Fear will bully you if you have boundaries. Fear wants to make you feel guilty for setting limits on your integrity. Love casts out fear. Learn to set boundaries to protect yourself from anything that's not for you.

Follow this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing this episode with your best friend, or your small group. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cure & Parents https://smile.amazon.com/The-Cure-Parents/dp/B01M63E02N/

Lisa Leonard https://smile.amazon.com/Brave-Love-Making-Space-You/dp/B07FSYYN8T/and https://www.lisaleonard.com/

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

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Experiencing love builds trust.

Trust is the door that lets love in.

Do you see the problem? We need to experience love to build trust, and trust is the door that lets love in. Just like the chicken and the egg--which comes first? Love? or Trust?

If you are a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or a leader--love comes first. Love flows first from a mature source. The love we offer our children will help build a relationship of trust with them--so they will trust and benefit from the love we offer. Love is our primary responsibility as care-givers.

Love isn't a checklist, or a subject on today's schedule. But love does--so what does love do? And what does love say?

This episode offers some specific guidelines about meeting our children's real needs--with love, so we can teach them how to trust. We offer these TAKE AWAYS:

• We need to spend some time learning about real needs, how love meets those real needs, and how we build relationships of trust with each other--so we'll trust the love we are offered.
• We don't have a real need for stickers...or screen time...or dessert. We don't even have a real need for performance. We do have a real need for work--and work is different than performing. We are created to work--and for our work to have a good impact and influence in our own lives and the lives of those around us.
• Trust isn't built without admitting that we have real needs--by design, not just when trouble comes. Love builds trust--when I am humble and admit my needs. Now I know how to build trust with others, too. I get to notice their real needs and meet their needs with love.

Love is the fuel of maturity. Let's build children that run on love, instead of fear. Let's change the world this way.

Use this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends--and small group. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Love Does by Bob Goff https://smile.amazon.com/Love-Does-Discover-Secretly-Incredible/dp/1400203759/

The Advantage by Pat Lencioni https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

"How to Help Your Child Learn To Struggle Well" -- a free webinar https://www.john15academy.com/webinarsignup

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So much has changed in the past few generations that's led us to almost believe that children don't belong in the grocery store anymore. Two of the biggest changes are:

1. SO MANY choices! Grocery stores today have millions of choices--and almost all of the new choices are processed foods...that are not really food. But they taste good! A trip to the grocery store requires that we say, "No, thank you" or "Not today" or "Absolutely not! Have you read the ingredients on those things?!" We have to say "No" on almost every aisle--to ourselves and to our children.
2. SO MUCH pleasing! Relationships are worn down these days by so much trying to please--especially our children. And our children have learned they can require us to please them--because we require them to please us. We don't really trust each other anymore. We just keep trying to be the best pleasers.

Our biggest issue with trust may be that we're out of practice sorting the real needs from the "felt" needs--that are not also real.

And, we've fallen for the lie that more is always better--or that more than enough is better. So now, we're in bondage to more. We're spending our time and energy and resources trying to do more--and get more, instead of enjoying each other--and the life we already have.

Instead of enjoying sugar--we're dying from it. Instead of enjoying time--we're running out of it. Instead of enjoying money--we're slaves to it.

We're living in fear--of missing out. Anxiety is literally killing us. Fear is out of control. And, there is great hope!

Join us in this episode as we unpack grocery shopping--yes! And, so much more. This episode could change the way you and your family begin to prioritize spending your time, energy, and resources. We offer these three TAKE AWAYS:

• Trust real needs to sit in the driver's seat of your life. Trying to meet "felt" needs--that are not also real needs--is bondage.
• When you're deciding to please yourself--or your child--by meeting a "felt" need, make sure you're also building trust in the relationship by meeting a real need, too. Spend your time, money, and energy prioritizing real needs.
• When we have more than enough, while we are still immature in our choosing--we often live a life of pleasing...ourselves...and our children...in ways that offer bondage--instead of freedom. Our real need is freedom.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing on your favorite podcast provider. You probably know a friend who would benefit from this episode, too. Thank you for sharing it with them.

We mention these resources in this episode:

John 15 Academy--btw--there's a new FREE resource on this website! https://john15academy.com

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Conflict is healthy. Conflict invites us to look closer inside ourselves and ask, "What story am I telling myself?" and "Is it true?" When we're in the middle of an argument--it feels anything but healthy. We feel out of balance. We feel like someone is rocking our boat.

There is a way of navigating conflict that doesn't force or fix--but that offers freedom instead. In freedom we can regain our internal balance and begin to steer our own ship in a trustworthy way, even in the middle of other storms that throw us off balance again.

In this episode, we share a fight we had recently that started with, of all things, a grasshopper. But we weren't really fighting about a grasshopper. We were fighting about feeling foolish...and the hurtful ways we can speak to each other when we feel foolish.

This episode casts a wide net--and includes considerations and questions about punishment, justice, trust, character, and truth. We wrap it up with these TAKE AWAYS:

• "When there is trust, conflict becomes nothing but the pursuit of truth--an attempt to find the best possible answer." (The Advantage, by Pat Lencioni)
• Balance is internal, not external. The journey we take in this world will throw us off balance. Brave Love reminds us to pause and regain our internal balance before continuing on in the journey.
• Brave Love builds trust instead of destroys it--because we're fighting together...for the freedom to live in the truth.

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends and your spouse--especially if you're navigating a conflict. You can follow this link to listen now.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Advantage, by Pat Lencioni https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

John Lynch, author of On My Worst Day--and many others! https://smile.amazon.com/My-Worst-Day-Cheesecake-Koufax/dp/1934104078/

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

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There is not a time in history when people were not organizing themselves around idols and tangled theology. As a human race, we get attracted to the promises of law or power--or fear of what we can't control, so we try more desperately to control.

We get to share the journey through history with the next generation--and we get to empathize with real people from the past and the present. Empathy is a powerful place to sit in relationships, and empathy alone will not offer the healing our story of history hands us today.

Join us on this Brave Love episode as we rally around a real need for empathy in our world--and a real need for more. This episode offers these take aways:

• Freedom only happens in love, not hate. Freedom only happens in forgiveness, not self-righteousness. Freedom only happens when I have the power inside of me to choose love--for myself and for you. There is only one source of this power.
• Wisdom is not often popular. Wisdom is discovered the hard way--on the long road--in community with people who care enough to find truth...not simply agreement or power.
• "Allow generosity to take the lead and you'll probably discover that it's easier to find the guts." (Seth Godin) In order for generosity to take the lead--we need a generous heart, and we're not born with one the first time. We need a new heart--not a new hate.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing to the Brave Love podcast on your favorite podcast provider. Share this episode with your friends. There is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Seth Godin's blog post, Innovation is guts plus generosity https://seths.blog/2019/08/innovation-is-guts-plus-generosity/

Mercy Me - Lifer album - Ghost https://youtu.be/w0Y0UXpxtGQ

Brene Brown - about empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

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Our culture is saturated with pain. And, our brains don't distinguish between a physical threat and an emotional threat. In painful circumstances, our automated response is fight--or flight.

Fight and flight can look like an argument, hiding in front of a screen, divorce, addiction, or suicide. It can look like the trauma of terrorism and mass shootings.

How do we begin to navigate pain--including the real pain of loneliness--in a way that is healthy, instead of toxic? If we learn how, we can help our children learn a healing response to pain, too.

Join us on this episode that offers a practical conversation from a BRAVE LOVE subscriber--and these TAKE AWAYS:

• What story does our pain tell us? Is our pain a place of shame or healing?
• God tells you the truth--about who He is, about who you are, about school, and about loneliness. He knows that when you trust Him, you'll begin to let the truth of your identity sit in the driver's seat of your decisions--instead of giving your emotions the keys to your behavior.
• In this life, you will be lonely. Loneliness is like dust. It is real--and it is not you. Lonely is an emotion. It is a dusty emotion, instead of a glittery one. It's one we don't enjoy. When we let loneliness build up, it's like plaque on our teeth or cholesterol in our arteries. Love is an antidote to loneliness. Love tells us the truth. Will we trust LOVE or dust?

Use this link to listen now--and make sure you don't miss an episode by subscribing on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing BRAVE LOVE with your friends and family.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Waking Up Slowly by Dave Burchett. https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Up-Slowly-Spiritual-Unexpected/dp/1496415825/

A blog to read to your child about school: http://thesweetspot.apps-1and1.com/a-true-story-about-you-and-god-and-school-a-blog-post-to-read-to-your-child

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://www.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

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"If we had more friends, we'd feel validated."

"Everyone has friends but me."

We wrote these two statements in a list of 14 statements the other day. We were feeling lonely. This BRAVE LOVE episode tells more of our story, and shares how we navigated and began to resolve our real feelings.

Loneliness is like a thunderstorm. It feels dark and unsettling--and we can forget that others experience loneliness, too. We're not the only ones who hear thunder. There isn't anything uniquely wrong with us--because we're experiencing feelings of loneliness.

But loneliness often lies. All 14 of the statements we wrote down when we were feeling lonely were lies--and, when we also wrote down the truth, the pain of our loneliness began to resolve.

How do you respond to your real feelings of loneliness? How do your children respond? Join us on this episode for a BRAVE LOVE conversation about struggling with loneliness. We offer these TAKE AWAYS:

• Very real experiences offer us thoughts that are not true--about ourselves, about others, and about God.
• Loneliness is one of these experiences. It's real, but offers us lies, not truth. These experiences can bring dis-ease to our souls--and dis-ease to our bodies, if we don't reconcile our mind and will and emotions to the truth.
• Our part in relationship with God is always--trust and receive. Our part is never to earn and deserve. We are always the responder in our relationship with God. He is a God of supply, not demand. He supplies us with love and truth.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing on your favorite podcast provider.

We mention these resources in this episode:

A free webinar called "How To Help Your Child Struggle Well"--available for a limited time on https://john15academy.com/webinarsignup

We're in Fredericksburg, TX for several months--in Freedom, our Airstream. We'd love to sit at the table with you and hear your stories. Check out the options for lodging near by. https://www.airbnb.com/a/Fredericksburg--Texas--United-States

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"If it's easier, let's do it!" could be the mantra in our world today. We live in an age where we can make things go faster and skip the stuff that's tedious. Technology has automated many day to day routines--so we can experience more free time.

Are you? Are you experiencing more free time? Or are we now stuck in a crisis of convenience--living life avoiding anything that might take too long or be unpleasant?

Seth Godin wrote this in a recent blog post, "(...)it's becoming more clear that the attention-seeking, profit-driven media industrial complex drives our culture more than reports on it." His post concluded by saying, "But it's not our job to buy into it. (...) The first step is to stop taking the bait. The second step is to say, "Follow me.""

Join Doug and Janet on this episode that fights for love more than convenience, and offers these TAKE AWAYS:

• A culture of consumerism is an addicted culture. A full and free life happens in a culture of love and trust--and that culture is evidence more by contribution than consumerism. The first step in a new direction--away from convenience--is to stop taking the bait.
• "The polar opposite of convenient is dreaming." (quote by Doug Newberry!) When convenience is king, dreams dies.
• The children of today will lead the countries of tomorrow. Freedom is not convenient. Maturity is not convenient. Freedom is lost when immature cultures elect immature leaders.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe to Brave Love on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing Brave Love with your friends and community. Together, there is great hope.

These resources are shared in this episode:

Seth's blog post: https://seths.blog/2019/07/where-will-the-media-take-us-next/

Janet's new website offering support for educators and homeschool families: https://john15academy.com/

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In a culture of labels, have we forgotten that struggles can get resolved?

Dr. Caroline Leaf reminds us, "Be careful how you talk about certain issues in your life because it will affect how you recover. For example, don't say "my anxiety" or "my panic attacks" as you make these a part of your identity and see them as just a flawed part of who you are. This mindset will keep you locked in and keep you from finding healing. These are not who you are - these are feelings and signals that need to be addressed and dealt with."

The same is true for learning disabilities. For too many children--we're settling for passing tests with accommodations--and as a culture, we're forgetting that healing really happens. Who gives your child permission to not struggle with his disability forever?

Join us on this BRAVE LOVE episode full of hope when we do the work that is required to repurpose education--for the children's sake. Consider these TAKE AWAYs:

• Our thoughts build our brains. Our expectations can change the nature of our biology. We will build structures in our brains based on what we believe--whether it is true or not. Fear increases our chance of getting the problem we're afraid we'll get!
• Here's a vital truth about maturity: We don't mature because we get what we deserve. We mature because we get what we need. The stuff we don't deserve is the stuff that changes us.
• Struggle is a normal part of life. In many ways, struggle is a gift--because we learn to ask for help from people who love us and who help us grow up and resolve our struggles.

Follow this link to listen now--and please share this podcast with your friends. You can subscribe to BRAVE LOVE on your favorite podcast provider. There is great hope!

These resources are mentioned in this episode:

Janet's webinar: "How To Help Your Child Learn to Struggle Well" This link goes to the John 15 Academy website--and you can find access there to the webinar replay.

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

The Gift in You by Dr. Caroline Leaf

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Mindfulness is important and helpful and healthy. It's a good first step.

And without a relationship of trust, this first step might have each of us walking in a circle--in the same old ruts--now simply more aware of how we're thinking while we're stuck in our ruts.

Here's our BRAVE LOVE definition of success:

Success is staying connected in relationships of trust—and navigating work, struggle, leisure, and fun—in truth, not lies—and love, not shame.

So, who helps you find success? Who helps you sort out your thoughts--and trade lies for truth and shame for love? Who has permission to help you change your mind--because you trust them, more than you trust yourself?

To trust someone is to be in agreement with them. Wow. You might want to read that sentence again. Just because other people agree with us, doesn't mean what we're thinking is true. And, what happens when the only person I trust--is myself?

Join us on this valuable episode of the BRAVE LOVE podcast, and consider these TAKE AWAYS:

• A transformational relationship is one that has permission to change your mind. Who is that for you? How did you decide to trust them?
• Who or what is offering your child their thoughts today? What source are you trusting--or are your kids trusting--to shape their thoughts, form their opinions, and spark their emotions?
• Behavior is the echo of belief. I can agree with truth. I can change my mind. I can change my behavior. I can change my brain. I can change my life. It all starts with changing my mind--and agreeing with truth.

Use this link to listen now--and please share the BRAVE LOVE podcast with your friends. Subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. There is great hope.

Janet and Doug talk about these resources on this episode:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mindfulness

https://john15academy.com

https://janetnewberry.com/vulnerability-not-transparency/

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He does not want to sit with me and allow me to walk with him and help him struggle well. Maybe I'm just not giving enough time.

Then I fall in the rut of "I'm not good enough" or "give me your phone, keys to the car...until you can spend time with your family and work on this..."

Dang. This is hard. And it is reality for many families. It's like the story of the prodigal son in scripture, but the son in this story is rebelling while still living under the same roof.

Linger in this episode as we share more about transformational and transactional relationships, the power of "I change my mind," and staying connected while staying honest about real problems.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS, too:

• A relationship of trust is one where it is safe to admit I am wrong and say, "I change my mind." This only happens when there is no added penalty for being wrong--and when the relationship is not at stake.
• Love always equips and never enables. Just because a child complies doesn't mean they are growing up. Compliance only asks me to do what you say to get what I want. Trusting obedience invites me to trust you--and obey. Obedience is evidence of maturity.
• Give your kids car keys and a phone because they are mature and responsible--and for no other reason. There is too much risk involved in driving a car and having a phone for a child to get this privilege while they are immature and irresponsible.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe. Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Fredericksburg Theater Company - Thank you for a wonderful "Sound of Music" evening. Friends--check out the website for future productions...and come visit us! https://www.fredericksburgtheater.org/

Check out our new website--dedicated to all things BRAVE LOVE and EDUCATION. https://john15academy.com/

The Cure and Parents https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Education by Design, Not Default https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

This blogpost maybe helpful for you and your prodigal. https://janetnewberry.com/prodigal-welcome-home/

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You've heard me say this before: "If Brene Brown gets to be known as the shame researcher, Janet Newberry gets to be known as the love researcher." And, here's one thing I've discovered--

There is no love without freedom, and there is no freedom without love.

This BRAVE LOVE episode begins with a casual discussion about the freedom of summer...and freedom to ponder, rather than always declaring "right" and "wrong." The discussion gains strength when we begin to talk about relationships that are for us--and for helping us stay free...instead of relationships that benefit from our bondage.

If you've spent your childhood in America, you've breathed in a worldview and a belief system that affects your choices. We, too.

So, what choices will our generation make?

What choices will our children and grandchildren make?

People who are loved well, love well.

Restored people, restore people.

Freed people, free people.

Join us on this bold and brave episode, and stay with us for these TAKE AWAYS:

• Often entertainment tells us what to think--and, often we engage in entertainment when we're too tired to think for ourselves.
• We have the chance to help our children see the lies and find the truth instead of get stuck in the bondage of their own immaturity. Achievement alone won't solve the problem of prolonged immaturity.
• Our choices will make history--and the next generation will lead the countries of the future. Immature leaders rise to power in immature cultures. Immature cultures often live in chaos--and civil war. Mature leaders find positions of leadership because of their desire to protect freedom--not gain power. Mature cultures elect these kind of leaders.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe. Share this episode with your friends. Let freedom ring! Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Thank you, Jodey Smith, our podcast coach. https://www.jodeysmith.com/

This guest blogpost: The Joy of Raising Children Who Ponder

http://www.homegrownlearners.com/home/the-joy-of-raising-children-who-ponder

My book: Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

John 15 Academy--our community for homeschool families.

Before July 20, 2019, find out more at https://janetnewberry.com/

After July 20, 2019, find out more on our brand-new website dedicated to all things Brave Love in education. https://john15academy.com/

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A trophy! Hooray!

We are a culture that gathers to applaud--and that's wonderful. And...interesting. It's worth asking, "What's the motive? for all the extra events? to celebrate everything? for every child?"

The month of May in America is almost more crowded than December. Awards ceremonies, sports banquets (for children in elementary school, too,) graduation events--for every grade level...

It hasn't always been this way. Is this a change for the better?

Is it love? Or is it FOMO? Is it our "fear of missing out" that's filling our calendars and our children's walls with trophies and awards--and their fingers with championship rings?

What are the long-term benefits? What are the red flags?

Here's one key concern: Success alone won't solve the problem of prolonged immaturity. Maturity is what's required to navigate winning and losing. What stories are we telling ourselves--and our children--when everyone gets a trophy?

Join Janet and Doug in this episode, and share these TAKE AWAYs with your friends--as a place to start a valuable discussion:

• A trophy for all disconnects us in relationship--because it's not true. We didn't all win. It's not building trust between adults and children--instead, it's too often a way to avoid hard conversations...that are true...instead of comfortable.
• We can't extinguish our children's shame stories--if they have ignited our own. This is the benefit of a healthy community.
• What is a Brave Love definition of success? Staying connected in relationships of trust and navigating struggle and success in truth, not lies---and love, not shame.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe. Share this episode with your friends, or your small group. Send Janet and Doug an email with your considerations and questions.

janet@janetnewberry.com doug@janetnewberry.com

There is great hope!

These resources are mentioned in this post:

An invitation from Doug and Janet to visit Fredericksburg, TX--come see us! https://www.visitfredericksburgtx.com/plan/visitor-information-center/

https://www.absolutecharm.com/

https://www.fbglodging.com/

A guest blogpost--from Janet! http://www.homegrownlearners.com/home/the-joy-of-raising-children-who-ponder

Janet's book-- https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

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Our children need language to talk about the problem of bullying. They need adults to have safe conversations about this difficult subject--so they can ask for help without shame. We can help our children begin to understand what it means to be a bully--and better navigate a resolution in these unsafe relationships.

A bully is someone who:

• will meet their own (felt) needs first--at the expense of another.
• wants to make someone else feel like a loser.
• sniffs out a personal weakness--and takes advantage of it--for their own sense of power, control, or mis-guided need to dominate.
• is not safe--in the ways of love.

Bullying is not going to go away because we say we won't tolerate bullying. A lack of tolerance is simply one more rule that bullies aren't going to follow.

Join Janet and Doug in this powerful episode about the antidote to bullying--and help your family become a safe place to heal and find real help. This episode offers these TAKE AWAYS:

• Letting the love of God and others extinguish our shame stories is a vital step in a life lived unaffected by bullies. Living in shame is a key indicator of a bully--and often, as a victim of a bully.
• Building safe relationships of trust is a vital step, too. We need safe relationships that will offer us the unconditional love that protects us from lies and shame--and helps us live in truth and love.
• "Uncomfortable" is no more a key indicator of bondage--than "comfortable" is a key indicator of freedom. Manipulation can seem comfortable because it seems right that the equation balances. "I'm willing to earn what I need from you in relationship," is a toxic thought. God's love is unconditional because we all need more than we can ever earn. Trusting unconditional love is often very uncomfortable--and it is the only path to freedom.

This resource is mentioned in this episode: Bill Tell's book, Lay It Down: Living In The Freedom of the Gospel. You can find this book here: https://smile.amazon.com/Lay-Down-Living-Freedom-Gospel/

Follow this link to listen now. Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends or small group. Together, there is great hope.

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We went to a wedding--and started remembering our own wedding stories. Between the two of us, we have six of our own wedding stories. Six times we've stood at an altar with great expectations.

As we talked, we realized that all wedding stories are not love stories. Some wedding stories are shame stories. Marriage can be a love story or a shame story, too. Love stories are NOT characterized by perfection. They are characterized by freedom, protection, truth, and strength. Shame stories are characterized by at least one of these ways of relating: control, manipulation, fear, and lies.

There is great hope! Shame stories can become love stories. Join us on this episode as we talk vulnerably about the stories we tell ourselves--and share the hope of BRAVE LOVE.

We offer these key ideas as TAKE AWAYS:

• Grace changes everything about weddings and marriage. There's no such thing as earning God's love--or anyone else's.
• Trust is the door that opens that lets love in. Trust isn't earned; it's a gift. Trust is built intentionally--not in our perfect behavior--but in all the ways we own the impact and influence of our choices in each other's lives.
• Grace always expresses itself in love. Love is a process of meeting real needs. Grace is always safe and never soft. Love wants to protect us from living with the lies that we're tempted to believe--or in our shame stories.

We mention these resources in this episode:

"The Cure" (book)

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Brooks at Weatherford (wedding venue)

https://thebrooksatweatherford.com/

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends--and your spouse. We'd love to hear from you. Send your questions for the BRAVE LOVE podcast to janet@janetnewberry.com

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A comedy (in literature) is amusing--and has a cheerful and successful ending. It has a happy conclusion--not because everything was perfect, but because there is a triumph over unpleasant circumstances.

A tragedy happens when the main character is brought to ruin--or suffers extreme sorrow--as a consequence of a tragic flaw, moral weakness, or inability to cope with unfavorable circumstances.

The common theme in both story lines is unpleasant or unfavorable circumstances.

The determining factor--between a cheerful and successful vacation--is not perfect circumstances or perfectly met expectations. It's the way we respond to chaos when it happens--because it will.

Join us on this new episode--and enjoy Doug's great sense of humor. lol!

We'll share these key TAKE AWAYS to help you find great fun in your family vacation:

• Family vacations are simply a time period when everything that's real about relationships in your family gets magnified. What if this summer's vacation magnifies a better way to respond to chaos?
• Our dream is often that vacation will be an escape from reality, but reality always goes with us. What is often real isn't always true. What if the truth your family experiences on vacation this year is that each of you really care about each other?
• Perfection isn't the goal. Reconnection is the goal. Reconnecting doesn't mean problems aren't real and feelings aren't hurt. Reconnecting means I care about you--and the problems aren't going to come between us in relationship.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe. Thank you for sharing it with your friends. Maybe you're going on a "Girl's Vacation" or a "Guy Trip." The ideas in this episode can help ensure your time together is a comedy--instead of a tragedy.

We mention these books in this episode:

Magnolia Table: A Collection of Recipes For Gathering

https://smile.amazon.com/Magnolia-Table-Collection-Recipes-Gathering/dp/006282015X/

The Cure & Parents

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Real Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Together, there is great hope.

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Time is our most valuable resource. If we waste money, we can earn more. But, we don't get any more time because we waste it. Summer time is often like winning the lottery for our kids--all of a sudden they have almost limitless time!

How does your family spend time? Just like money, there is a real need for guidelines--based on principles and mature leadership.

When we try to manage our children's time, they often feel resentful. Sometimes requiring them to earn time--to do what they want--is a battle. Tomorrow, children wake up needing to earn all over again. Summer becomes a lifestyle of earning and deserving. Parents too often play the role of tyrant landlords--and the kids are often immature wage earners.

Join us on this episode to consider some new ideas about living a brave love life with your family this summer--and spending time in ways that pay big dividends, instead of ways that require writing out lease agreements for smart phones, Minecraft, or Fortnite.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS about organizing summer time:

• The tug of war for control--based on my wants and expectations and your wants and expectations is a poor plan for summer. It lands us in a dangerous place for navigating relationships.
• What is going to be our plan for the summer? Is it going to be a plan to navigate our disagreements in order to get what we want? Or are we going to develop habits in relationships based on principles, instead of based on managing crisis?
• Parents--a key need for our children this summer is leadership; they don't just need a system. We get this key responsibility and this great privilege. Brave Love parenting is leadership--not simply management.

Follow this link to listen now--and find links to subscribe. Thank you for sharing this episode on social media and with your friends. Sharing Brave Love can change the world, one relationship at a time. There is great hope.

We mention this resource in this episode: The Advantage by Patrick Lencioni

https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

This previous episode is helpful when talking with our children (and ourselves!) about dealing with emotions: https://janetnewberry.com/what-do-we-do-with-emotions-at-home-part-1/

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We almost titled this episode, "Is there any such thing as 'good grief?'"

Rowdy was the best dog ever. He was a rescue dog that rescued us more than 14 years ago. He has been a part of every day in our "Living in Freedom" Airstream story--traveling with us from coast to coast. We said, "Good-bye" to Rowdy, just a few days ago--and we are so very sad.

Join us on this episode as we talk about sadness and grief--and some of the ways we're dealing with our sadness. You'll discover some practical ideas that are helping us heal our broken hearts.

This episode offers these TAKE AWAYS:

• Our behavior is not supposed to be led by our emotions. This is one symptom of mental illness. This is also a symptom of a society being led by the people triggering our emotions.
• We get to help our children fully experience their emotions--and resolve them. One invitation we can offer our children is to take a walk in nature. Nature teaches us that life by design is a cycle--and death brings life. This is our great hope.
• Emotional fluency is a key indicator of mental health. Emotional fluency means learning to return to joy from every unpleasant emotion--and when I can, I can help someone else return to joy from every unpleasant emotion.

We define joy as "it's good to be me, here with you." In times of delight--it's good to be me, here with you. In times of real sadness--it's good to be me, here with you. Your love is part of our healing process. Experiencing each other's love is a vital part of emotional healing. We are so very thankful for the love of our friends during our experience of sadness.

Follow this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. Share this episode with your friends. Together, there is great hope.

Loving bravely,

Janet and Doug

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Our children thrive when they are given the dignity that they innately want to work--and work hard. Do you believe this to be true?

In this episode, Janet and Doug unpack the vital differences between "working" and "performing." They wrestle with the impact of manipulation in relationships, and the truth that our children are created to contribute--and find deep satisfaction.

Janet and Doug believe we can teach our kids the truth about work, so they are well equipped to dream about a big life. They offer these TAKE AWAYS:

• A work ethic is the fruit of cultivation, not manipulation.
• Cultivation happens in trusting relationships--when the strong help the weak see something that's true in themselves. When we have a trusting relationship with our children, we get to cultivate a work ethic in our children.
• Our homes can be greenhouses instead of factories. We can pull the weeds out of our own thinking--about work and our identity as workers--and we can model the satisfaction of working hard in freedom instead of bondage.

Follow this link to listen now--and share the hope of BRAVE LOVE with your friends.

Have you subscribed yet? Thank you!

Together, there is great hope.

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Self care is a buzz phrase in 2019--and an important part of a healthy life. Do our kids know the truth about self care? In this episode, Doug and Janet offer these 5 questions to help start a conversation with your kids...and maybe even yourself!

1. What story am I telling myself right now? Is it true?
2. What is my real need?
3. Am I choosing something that will meet my real need in a legitimate (or illegitimate) way?
4. Does what I'm choosing care about my well being? (Who's my supplier?)
5. If I keep choosing ________ for one year, what impact and influence will it have on my life--and those closest to me?

These take aways will help you lead your children into a summer of non-toxic self care:

• Write down these five questions--or print out the show notes and hang them on your refrigerator.
• With your family (or your spouse, or a close friend) begin to make a list of your REAL needs. Acknowledging real needs is an important first step to trusting the love that meets our needs.
• Model humility. In a safe relationship, admit the ways you try to meet your real needs in illegitimate ways. And--ask for help.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe. Share this episode with your friends--and begin building a community of grace for you and your family. We'd love to hear your questions. Email us at janet@janetnewberry.com There is great hope.

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By design, life with our children is about meeting their legitimate needs in the ways of love. Life is not about our children perfectly meeting standards--because we need their goodness to establish their identity...or our own.

Identity is from God. Identity is something we live from--not something we live to earn or deserve.

Join Doug and Janet in this episode as they practically unpack four more specific ways we can meet our children's real needs. Take a break from a performance-obsessed worldview, and linger in these takeaways:

• We get to intentionally build habits of engagement with our children--and let these habits take the place of shaming, blaming, fear, and control.
• In relationships we can trust, love keeps us connected to truth. Lies get lost. Reconciliation is real. Fruitful lives take the place of simply successful lives.
• Life with our children is about meeting their legitimate needs in the ways of love. We don't meet needs by manipulating and evaluating. We meet needs by sharing the love that has met our real needs--because now we can.

Follow this link to listen now--and share the BRAVE LOVE podcast with your friends. Let us know your real questions--and we'll include them in an upcoming episode. Email us at janet@janetnewberry.com There is great hope!

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What if we're living life following an old game plan? What if we're requiring our children to learn a game plan for life that has expired? What if life by design is better than we ever imagined?

Join Doug and Janet in this episode as they vulnerably share the story of spending much of their Easter Sunday in the parking lot of a casino--sorting truth from lies about life by default and life by design. Find challenge and inspiration in these take aways from episode #43:

• Conformity is not the plan for childhood; transformation is the plan. Maturity is a transformational experience. We can't manipulate maturity.
• We only have so much time with our children. Will we spend it manipulating our kids to get them to conform? or will we, even clumsily, begin to discover what it means to meet their legitimate needs in the ways of love?
• Will we risk finding others who are willing to do this life, too--and offer our kids an honest childhood--with conversations instead of simply compliance and conformity?

Follow this link to listen now--or subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or your source for podcasts. Reply to this email with a question you'd like us to talk about on a future episode--and share BRAVE LOVE with your friends. Together, there is great hope!

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PART 1 started a discussion about giving our children an honest childhood--which is more than simply a good chance at success. We can manipulate our children to work and perform, but manipulation damages trust instead of builds it. Trusting relationships are necessary if our children are going to grow up, instead of simply meet traditional performance standards for college admissions.

Join Janet and Doug in PART 2 as they continue to offer practical ways to relate with our children--instead of manipulating them. PART 2 offers these take aways:

• Experiencing life as a parent is more than simply having a toolbox full of good parenting strategies. There is no formula for loving bravely--and there are sound principles we can trust.
• We can find time for real conversations about our habits of responding to cultural influences instead of personal convictions. These conversations can be more powerful when we are vulnerable enough to say, "Me, too."
• This kind of honest conversation is happening in homes where families are building habits of engagement--rather than simply habits of evaluation.

Follow this link to listen now--and share BRAVE LOVE with your community. Let us know what questions you'd like us to address on a future episode. We'd love to hear from you. There is great hope.

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In a culture of busy-ness, efficiency is strangling our parenting strategies. Because we are so often short on time, we manipulate our children instead of raise them. We're not the first generation that has defaulted to manipulation--so when we want to learn new parenting strategies, we must look for truth instead of tradition. We need the wisdom that comes from healthy relationships, instead of new tricks developed in our performance-obsessed culture.

Join Janet and Doug in this episode as they offer parents a bucket of courage to raise their children for the full human experience, instead of simply for success. They offer these take aways:

• Manipulation is often the choice we make as parents when we are running short on time—or patience. How we spend our time has more impact on our children’s lives than how we spend our money.
• Our children need to learn what it means to be fully human—not simply what it means to be busy or what it means to be the best. We get to teach them.
• The human experience, by design, happens in community—not primarily in a peer group or on a screen. Our children need a source of wisdom and empathy and mature connection.

Follow this link to join Doug and Janet on this episode--and please share BRAVE LOVE with your friends. There is great hope.

Janet promised to include links to two prior episodes. Have you heard these?

https://janetnewberry.com/what-do-we-do-with-emotions-at-home-part-1/

https://janetnewberry.com/how-do-we-help-our-children-with-emotions-part-2/

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In a performance-obsessed culture, we get what we deserve. We must be perfect in order to earn the best prize. Messing up means missing out--so the temptation is huge for our children to lie, cheat, or steal whatever they think they may never earn all by themselves.

Brave love reminds our children that childhood is about growing up--not measuring up. Brave love reminds us all that asking for help from a trusted source isn't cheating--it's vulnerability.

Join Doug and Janet as they distinguish between transactional and transformational parenting, and offer these take-aways:

• Short term solutions and long road relationships are both hard. The long road of building relationships of trust is the only path to maturity.
• Lying, stealing, and cheating all happen because we are afraid the truth about ourselves is not enough. Love reminds us who God says we are--and that it's ok to ask for help.
• Transformational parenting helps children sort lies from truth--and offers to help our kids live a life of integrity rather than a life of fear and hiding.

Follow this link to listen now--and share this episode with your friends. Let us know your thoughts and questions. Together, there is great hope.

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The struggles are real. It seems every day we end up bribing our children to eat good food, and manipulating them to do their homework. Bribing and manipulating works. And these short term solutions teach our children habits of relating that aren't healthy--in the long run.

Doug and Janet start a conversation today that includes these vital questions:

1. What are we inviting our children to trust? What is the source of strength we are offering?
2. What are we protecting our children from? (long term pain or short term pain?)
3. What are we risking? What are we willing to risk?

Parenting is an epic novel, not a short story. This episode offers these take-aways to lend you strength in your important relationships:

• Parenting on the long road invites our children to live in freedom from their convictions--instead of the under the bondage of our control.
• Parenting on the long road invites us to look for causes and unmet needs--instead of quick fixes and short term solutions.
• Long road relationships invite us all to be safe--and known, instead of requiring us to be perfect--and afraid or empty.

Have you shared the BRAVE LOVE podcast with your friends? Sharing your parenting journey with friends will lend you strength. There is great hope.

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We almost can't believe we risked recording this episode. If we are trustworthy at all on this topic, it's because of what we've learned through our struggle--as much as what we're enjoying in our ongoing healing.

This episode is for the benefit of the next generation. We moved immaturely into marriage #1...and marriage #2. We took all we knew--and all our immature habits of relating. It wasn't enough.

Doug and Janet humbly offer these take-aways in their first ever BRAVE LOVE episode on the topic of marriage:

• Only in trusting, transformational relationships can we experience each other's love. Transactional relationships may be part of a good business model, but they build a weak and fragile foundation for marriage.
• Only when we experience each other's love can we find the safety to be seen and heard--and discover our God-given identity, including our dreams.
• Only when we experience love--can we grow up and enjoy maturity in the world God designs, instead of hijack maturity in the world we might build for ourselves.

Listen now--and subscribe. Thank you for sharing the BRAVE LOVE podcast with friends and family--and for leaving a review. There is great hope.

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We don't experience brave love in our places of perfection; we experience love in our places of real need.

This episode is a conversation with four siblings (ages 16-26) who not only live together--but work together, too. These three brothers and one sister are the band, "Willow City Music." We asked them to share about growing up--not measuring up, and how they work through the struggles that are a part of real life as a family.

Thank you Beecher, Ezra, Liza, and Asa Proach! We had a blast recording this episode with you. Hang on to the end, friends--they give us a spontaneous taste of a great new song!

Doug and Janet wrap up this episode with these life-giving take aways:

• Children benefit when they watch parents love each other well.
• Children benefit when they experience the love of their parents. Experiencing love is not the same thing as knowing our parents love us.
• As parents, we get the privilege and responsibility of discovering all the ways our children will trust us and let us love them well.

Listen now--and subscribe. Thank you for sharing the BRAVE LOVE podcast with your friends--and for leaving a review!

There is great hope.

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Being the parent of a newborn, love seems to happen naturally. As our children grow, relationships can get challenging--and love can get tangled with control and manipulation. Our children can unintentionally learn things (from us!) in ways we never intended.

Take heart! You don't have to get everything right. Brave love offers opportunities to learn from our mistakes--in ways that help our children, too.

Join Doug and Janet on this episode, and linger in these take-aways:

• Grace allows us to admit when we're wrong instead of hide when we mess up. Parents (and grandparents)--we get to model this. This is a great habit for children to develop when they're young.
• Children are designed to grow up to be young adults. Adulting isn't to be avoided at all cost. We find deep satisfaction when we can take care of ourselves (including ask for help,) and take care of one other person at the same time. This is the life of an adult.
• Any species that fights its own maturity is an endangered species. We are designed to grow up--and find maturity deeply satisfying.

Listen now--and subscribe.

Thank you for sharing the BRAVE LOVE podcast with your friends--and for writing a review.

Together, there is great hope!

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Our children don't take the journey to the land of "rebellious" in a day. It's a journey to a distant land. It's a long walk of the soul. Rebellion doesn't get fixed--and it can be resolved.

Our conversation with Wynema Clark continues in this episode--about rebuilding trust and learning how to live in healthy relationships with our teenagers--instead of toxic relationships.

Doug and Janet offer these take-aways to encourage parents loving bravely:

• Put relationships first. Healthy relationships bear the fruit of maturity--naturally.
• "The evidence of maturity is our capacity to love and be loved." (Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry)
• The goal is not fixing behavior, but rather restoring relationships. Healthy relationships allow time for resolution of significant issues.

There is great hope.

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Our friend Wynema Clark joins us on this episode to begin a conversation about 3 questions she sent us on a text message:

1. What does brave love look like when you are just now hearing about it and your 15 year old is out of control?

2. A lot of parents that I get to talk to want to connect with their teenager but their kid has absolutely no interest in being within a 10 ft. radius of them. How do you cultivate that relationship?

3. How do you walk a kid with no interest in you or what you have to say toward maturity?

Brave questions on this brave love episode--with these 3 take aways:

• We are all invited to experience the love of God as a child. As we grow up, we are all invited to share the love of God as the Father does--especially in our parenting relationships.
• We have authority (and wisdom) as we get older and gain maturity--not so we can "Lord over" or "grade and evaluate," but instead, so we can help. Our children won't let us help them if they think our motive is for them to please us instead of trust us.
• For some of us--our children are older than 15. Trusting the transformation of brave love for ourselves and sharing brave love with our children is still our great hope.

This is part 1 with Wynema; join us in the next episode for part 2. Listen now and subscribe. There is great hope!

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In our previous episode about purity, we talked about helping our children (and ourselves) distinguish between feelings (which are very real--and may not tell us the truth) and deep desires (which are from God--and that invite us to dream!)

Today's episode invites us to encourage our children to dream--BIG!  It's a unique conversation about helping each other and our children untangle lies from truth while living life by design, not default.

Janet and Doug offer these 3 take-aways:

• When we stop dreaming, we live in a world small enough to earn or deserve all by ourselves.  God invites us into a bigger world.
• Dreams ask us to trust God because we are hoping for the things we can't accomplish all by ourselves.
• When our dreams don't come true, we can ask others we trust to help us sort lies from truth about ourselves, about dreaming, and about God.

Join us on this episode--there is great hope.  Dream big dreams!

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This conversation welcomes Emily Soule, the Family Ministry Director at Grace Life Fellowship in Baton Rouge, to the BRAVE LOVE podcast. Emily helps share the good news about purity--for us and for our children. This is our great hope because of grace.  Grace changes everything!

Doug, Janet and Emily offer some radically beautiful ideas about purity in this episode--and these 3 take aways: * Desires are God's heart for us, so we can trust them.  Feelings are a gift from God, too--and may or may not line up with our desires. * Community matters.  Family matters.  We all need a safe place to ask for help. * Purity is an identity statement, not a behavior statement.

Listen to this episode--and subscribe to the BRAVE LOVE podcast.  Contact Emily for her recommendations for great books to share with your children--and more good news.     https://gracelifefellowship.org     There is great hope!  

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Transactional relationships teach our children to work for their identity (and redemption) in a generation that is already losing its taste for God.  Trading trust for trinkets puts our children in bondage--working to earn.

BRAVE LOVE offers freedom--and this episode offers five practical steps to connect with our children in transformational relationships.  Janet and Doug offer these take-aways, too:

• Live life together--in love, not transactional relationships.  Childhood is a season of growing up, not measuring up.
• Affections are caught, more than taught.  Invite your child to fall in love with good and true and beautiful and real.  There are the things that will build integrity and inner strength, and lead them into a life that is fulfilling.
• We're not designed to work for love.  Love is a more powerful fuel than fear.  Let's teach our children to be moved by love--not impulse, emotion, or adrenaline.

Join us on this episode.  If you haven't yet--please subscribe!  Thank you for being a part of our BRAVE LOVE community. There is great hope.  

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Our children are living with socially acceptable addictions because we offer them prizes for performance. Two things happen when we let our children find their strength to do what is required of them from the motivation of "I can get what I want if I do what you ask:"

1. We allow a fueling system to be built in their bodies that requires a "rush" to literally move them to do what needs to be done.
2. What is missing from their fueling system is the chemical of relationship (oxytocin)--that builds inner strength. Without it, immaturity isn't transformed. The weak stay weak.

Janet and Doug offer these vital BRAVE LOVE steps to take in relationship with our children to help the weak become strong:

• Build relationships of trust so your children can ask for help in conversations without shame.
• Have "hard" conversations with your children when they're young, so you can have them when they get older. They'll never be as young as they are today. Start now.
• The resolution of addiction is not sobriety--it is connection. We are created to need healthy relationships; without them, we will be addicts--by design, not default.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe. There is great hope.
This episode promises a link to this article:
https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/fortnite-and-the-collapse-of-parenting

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So often, the mantra in our homes is "be good."  Get good grades. Behave. Get your chores done... "Be good...at school, at work, physically, emotionally, mentally..."

This mantra wears us out--and tempts us to keep score.  "Be good" doesn't help us connect in healthy relationships.  

"Love one another" is a mantra that starts a whole new conversation--about trust...and about impact and influence.

Join Janet and Doug as they remind us of the hope that comes with the transforming power of BRAVE LOVE.  They offer these take-aways with this episode:

• Building trust is not the same thing as being good.  Being good is often about me, my behavior, and my gain.  Building trust is about connection.
• Impact and influence--for good--is not the same thing as being good.  Impact and influence is about what is good for you--and what is my effect on you.
• Love has an impact and influence for good in the lives of those who trust us--and let us love them.  Trust is the door that opens that lets love in.

Listen now--and subscribe.  There is great hope!

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When life is about measuring up, we need a lot of labels to explain why we're not.  Education has handed parents a pattern that says children must earn and deserve--instead of receive because they need...and because they are children.

Join Janet and Doug on this episode that offers three take aways for redeeming childhood:

• Childhood is a season of growing up, not measuring up.  Growing up happens because of the love received in relationships of trust.
• Childhood is a season of life designed for transformational relationships--not transactional ones.  Children get because they need, not demand.  Adults get because they earn.
• When we offer our children a honest childhood, we offer the world trustworthy adults.

Listen--and subscribe.  https://janetnewberry.com/podcast/
There is great hope!

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The holidays are over--and for some of us, we're wondering what happened. We had great expectations!  Family time was going to be special.  Relationships were going to be close.  And some of the time was special, but--if we're honest--we're moving into 2019 wondering if there's something missing in our relationships with our children.

In this episode, Janet and Doug share quotes from three great books--that offer a BRAVE LOVE perspective for parenting in the new year.

And this episode offers these three steps to take with yourself--and your family--in 2019:

• Start with yourself.  Trust who God says you are.  Our children need to see us trusting someone bigger than ourselves.
• Build a relationship of trust with your children.  Talk about identity and integrity.  Put away the tools of control and manipulation.
• Together--there is great hope.  Join a community that is talking about identity and integrity, too.  We are created to do the hard work of parenting in community.

Join us on this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope.

You can find the three books discussed in this episode on this link:  https://janetnewberry.com/my-favorite-things/

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Janet and Doug welcome Tim Chalas to the BRAVE LOVE podcast this week.  Tim is a husband and father of three.  He is also the lead pastor at Grace Life Fellowship in Baton Rouge, LA.

In their conversation, Janet, Doug, and Tim wrestle honestly with some of the ways unforgiveness can get in the way of our families experiencing life to the fullest.   If your family struggles with anger, bitterness, anxiety, or distance--instead of intimacy in key relationships--this episode offers great hope!

Join us on this sometimes funny--and certainly helpful--episode that offers these three take aways:

• How do you know?  Unforgiveness is keeping us from family life to the fullest when we regularly deal with bitterness, shame, anger, or judgement.
• Forgiveness opens the door to experiencing love--from God and others.
• "Forgiveness is the pathway upon which love freely flows.  Without it, intimacy is impossible and distance is inevitable."  (Tim Chalas)

Linger in this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope!

The free resource mentioned in this episode can be found on janetnewberry.com

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Life can be different when we recognize what motivates our behavior and guides our decision making.  We survive (at best) when shame or fear is our motivator.  We thrive when love is our guide.  

The previous BRAVE LOVE episode offered 15 indicators for recognizing shame.  This episode offers 15 indicators for recognizing love.  In an environment of love, we experience a full and free life. There is great hope for this life in your home.

Join Janet and Doug as they offer these next steps, motivated by love:

• Love is a gift, not an investment.  Love generously!
• Declare your home to be a "Shame Free" zone.  Be intentional about discovering ways to behave, parent, and lead others that are not manipulative.
• Information is not transformation.  Transformation happens in relationships of trust.

Join us on this episode--and subscribe now.  
Find out more about our online classes and free resources at https://janetnewberry.com/

Merry Christmas, friends!

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In America, our homes are equipped with smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors.  Carbon monoxide is a silent killer.  Smoke detectors wake us up before we feel the heat of a fire.  Our homes need SHAME DETECTORS, too, because SHAME is a silent killer of a different sort.  Shame can destroy our relationships.  Shame can kill our dreams. And there is great hope.

Join Janet and Doug as they offer 15 symptoms of "shame-sickness" to watch for in your family, and find strength in these transformational truths:

• Shame is an unseen force, whose motive is to convince us to hide from God and others--especially when we struggle.
• Shame comes in the shadow of misbehavior or struggle.  Shame offers us an invalid identity, and names us by our struggle.
• Love is an unseen force, too--more powerful than shame.  Recognizing shame is an invitation to run towards love.  Love is our only hope.

Listen now--and to subscribe.  Share this episode with your friends who need BRAVE LOVE, too.  There is great hope.

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Zach (24) and Grace (19) join us on this episode to share how they are enjoying their relationship, trusting all the practical realities that grace offers.   When performance-obsessed cultures offer shame, grace offers freedom--even to fail.  Only in this freedom can we experience the fullness of God's love--and each other's love, too.

Enjoy this life-giving conversation and linger in these BRAVE LOVE truths:

• When I know that failure is an option--I'm not caught off guard.  I can remember the truth of my identity--and live from that truth.
• Knowing my identity in Christ isn't a ticket to being perfect, but it is a safety net when I'm not.
• I can be intentional about finding one or two key relationships that will remind me that it is safe to fail.

Join us on this episode and subscribe.  There is great hope.

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Sibling rivalry is a drain on our patience and our relationships.  Most often, sibling rivalry is not a behavior problem.  What we misdiagnose, we will mistreat.

BRAVE LOVE offers these new ideas to begin to cure sibling rivalry:

• Help children untangle thoughts and feelings.  Sort lies from truth, and behavior will come untangled, too.  Behavior is the echo of belief.
• Help children find the real pain points in the stories they're telling themselves.  Find shame--and trust love to do what love does.  Love heals.
• Trade "be good" for "be loved and be loving" as the mantra in your home.  GOOD takes growing into, and often requires LOVE.  LOVE can happen now--and create GOOD.

Join us on this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope.

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Behavior is a fruit. We can't fix a bad apple, and we can't fix bad behavior, either. And we can impact and influence our children in ways that help them mature--and that support integrity. Love is the fuel of maturity. Love reminds us who we are.

In this episode, BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas about loving our kids:

• Caterpillars can't fly.  We get to offer the love that transforms them from caterpillars to butterflies.
• Let's trade behavior modification for connecting with our children in their struggle and walking with them through their struggle.
• Ignore the lie that "I don't have time."  Hold onto the truth that building trust matters.

There is great hope!

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Have you ever seen a "Please Don't Feed The Wildlife" sign?  When we feed the wildlife, we change their natural behaviors--and it's not a helpful change.  We can do the same thing with children when we try to conform their behavior, instead of transform them in love.

Here's what BRAVE LOVE says about aiming at the target of maturity instead of good behavior:

• Requiring our children to "be good," our relationship with them will focus on measuring, comparing, controlling, fixing, or manipulating--and their relationship with us will focus on striving, hiding, rebelling, complaining, or blaming.
• Helping our children grow up means teaching them who they are, who we are, and who God is.  Our relationship with them gets to focus on building trust, loving them well, and staying connected in relationship.
• If I get older without knowing my true identity, I will be tempted to:  work for love, go it alone, or I'll live a life less than I was created to enjoy because I'm not experiencing love.

There is great hope.

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We had dinner last night with good friends who are parents of young children. When we asked them what one question we could talk about on the BRAVE LOVE podcast that would be the most helpful, Mark instantly blurted out: "Why can't my boys just put on their shoes in the morning?!" We've all been there. This series offers to untangle the ways we parent our children "by default" or "by design."

BRAVE LOVE offers these truths about behavior:

• Behavior is a fruit.  Bad fruit can't be fixed.  Bad behavior can't be fixed either.
• Behavior is the combined result of our beliefs, habits, values, affections, relationships, unresolved issues, and maturity.
• Behavior that is controlled today will need to be controlled again tomorrow.  Control doesn't build trust or maturity.  Let's be tired because we're building trust and maturity--instead of damaging those we care about.

There is great hope.

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What an honor to welcome Caleb Lynch as a special guest on the BRAVE LOVE podcast.  He shares a powerful message with us about "seeing each other" --even and especially when we're struggling.  We need the strength that encouragement offers.  So do our children.

BRAVE LOVE offers the strength of these truths:

• Struggle is normal and to be expected.  Let's tell our children.
• Struggling in safe relationships offers the love that helps us grow.  Struggling in fear hijacks maturity.
• Who sees YOU?  Not who measures you? or who evaluates you?  Who gets to love you?  We need each other--by design.

Join us on this episode and subscribe. There is great hope.

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Our children mess up--a lot!  What if, as parents, we didn't aim at the target of perfection with our children?  What if we aimed at the target of maturity?  What if we were more concerned with them missing out than messing up?

Join Janet and Doug on this episode, and spend some time with these questions when your child is struggling:

• Is what you're offering your child in their struggle going to leave them better than you found them?
• Will it help them discover who they are--as a person?
• Will it help them discover the power of trust and love in relationship?

Listen now--and subscribe! There is great hope!

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Chad Belew is pastor of The Arsenal in San Antonio, Texas.  He's passionate about the original good news. And like most young fathers, he sometimes struggles as a parent. Doug and Janet enjoy hosting him as the first guest on the BRAVE LOVE podcast.

Listen to the authentic (and humorous) conversation, and find hope in these take aways:

• The Gospel really is good news--and this good news can be very difficult to apply in real relationships...especially parenting.  We need each other.
• Transparency isn't the same as vulnerability.  Admitting our struggle is step one.  Asking for help is where love finds power and practicality.
• Permission happens when we trust another in an area where we're weak and someone else is strong.  We are given a chance to grow up in these safe relationships.

Join us on this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope!

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This week's episode continues to look truthfully at the power of love and fear--and asks which power are we attaching to the consequences we're giving our children?  "They say" give our kids a consequence of "no screen time."  Brave Love says "screen time" isn't always love--and I don't want to give you what you want, if it's not what you need to grow up.

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE take aways:

• Look up, child!  Your integrity is more important than your compliance.
• Look up, child!  As a parent, I want to help you in love, not make you afraid.
• Look up, child!  Struggle is a normal part of growing up.  We need each other more than prizes--to build character in times of struggle.

Join us on this episode...and to subscribe, too!  There is great hope. 

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We can get tangled up in trusting relationships when we use consequences to manipulate --instead of offering the love that lends strength and that separates truth from lies.  Consequences may punish, but love both sets boundaries and gives our kids what they need to grow up.

Doug and Janet offer these acronyms for parents helping children grow up--instead of simply comply:

• "A before B"  Our children need love (Attention, Acceptance, & Affirmation) BEFORE they Behave or misBehave.  Love offers to help--especially in the ways we know our children are weak.
• "T after C"  Consequences happen, naturally.  Brave love reminds our children about the Truth of their identity, and unplugs shame from the reality of natural consequences.
• "L in the middle" Misbehavior damages trust in relationships.  Brave Love offers restoration in relationships.

Join us in this powerful and perspective changing episode. There is great hope.

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Struggle is a part of real life--by design.  But it has no "good" place in a performance-obsessed culture.  Our homes can be places where it's safe to struggle well--and grow up.

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas in this episode:

• By design, we are created to find our deepest satisfaction by contributing, rather than consuming.
• By design, struggle is a place we're created to connect and find love, instead of disconnect because we are afraid.
• By design, our homes are created to be safe places of work, struggle, leisure, rest, & fun!

There is great hope!

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Entitlement becomes the reality when demands and expectations define relationships, instead of my true identity and personal responsibility.  "I want to do less to get more."  "I want to pay less and get more."

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas for untangling these default relationships at home: * By design, we are contributors.  By default, we are consumers.  We are created to respond, not earn in relationships. * Disconnect struggle from shame, not from personal responsibility.  Real responsibility is a part of living in our true identity. * Transactional relationships put joy/happiness/contentment in the future--when I get.  Transformational relationships remind me that I have what I need--right now.

Follow this link to join us for this episode.  There is great hope!

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When relationships are transactional -- parents and children are at risk of getting tangled up in entitlement.  This part 1 "Untangling Entitlement" episode offers a bit of history, and helps parents find the root of the struggle.

BRAVE LOVE offers these truths: * Seek out relationships for yourself as a parent that are not transactional.  In transformational relationships we get because we need, not because we do. * As a parent, your identity is not at stake when your children struggle.  Love disconnects struggle from shame. * Relationships at home are toxic when they are transactional and healthy when they are transformational.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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When unpleasant emotions combine with oxytocin (the love hormone) our children learn to process and digest their feelings--and return to joy.  When unpleasant emotions combine with cortisol (the fear hormone) our children experience "fight or flight"--and relationships get messy.  

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas to share with our children:

1. Emotions are very real, and they don't always tell us the truth.  They are important "passengers," and poor "drivers."
2. It's not good to be alone with our emotions.  We need trusting relationships to protect us.
3. "Get it out, don't live it out."  Our children need safe, mature relationships--not just echo chambers.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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The Cure and Parents offers this powerful quote:  "When your children are young, being the parent carries enough control to handle them.  But if you don't grow up as they grow older, your immaturity will stunt their maturity at the level of your own.  And no measure of control can handle that."  This episode offers practical help for parents navigating their own emotions.

BRAVE LOVE offers these key ideas as we navigate emotions at home: * The decision to hide or deny an uncomfortable emotion is a decision to miss out on good feelings, too. * Joy is not happiness.  When we are relationally healthy, joy is our normal state. * Maybe losing it is really finding it in mature safe relationships.  Let's tell our children!

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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Every family has to crawl through a small window of time on school days. Because time is a hard boundary, families have an opportuntity to navigate mornings together in a way that sends kids to school with their real needs met, instead of just with their clothes on and their teeth brushed. A new FREE RESOURCE is available to help you experience Good Mornings! at your house. https://janetnewberry.com/free-resources/

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• Behavior is always the mirror of belief. Your child’s behavior tells you what they are believing to be true about themselves and about their place in the family. Parents can provide kids a culture at home based on truth, rather than emotions or cultural norms.
• We are all in the process of growing up—and we all wake up every day with real needs for love. Our children can’t mature beyond our level of immaturity. Love helps us grow up, too! Love is the fuel of maturity.
• Love gives us the strength to do the thing that is true about us. When we know who we are as a family, love helps us act like our true selves.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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Mornings are hard — especially when school starts and everyone needs to get ready on time. This episode offers new ideas to help families establish a culture of caring, instead of chaos, at home. A new FREE RESOURCE is available to help you experience Good Mornings! at your house. https://janetnewberry.com/free-resources/

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• Set the culture rather than just deal with it. Peaceful mornings are possible when parents establish a culture of caring.
• Aim at relationship rather than outcome. Relationships will take care of outcome, but outcomes will not take care of relationships.
• Make family about belonging instead of just being good. Love is always good, but good is not always love. Dependable is more valuable than independent.

BRAVE LOVE is our great hope to help our children develop the habits of a mature young adult — able to care for themselves, and care for others, too.

Use this link to join us on today's episode, or you can subscribe using one of these options.

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