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I want to thank all my listeners! Each one of you whether you listened to 1 podcast or 245. You mean a lot to me. I hope this podcast blessed your life!

All right my friends well, today we are going to discuss the future. We're going to be talking about the future of “Your Amazing Life and you know I am really grateful to all of you who have been here and listen to me and follow me and it's been an amazing process. I really enjoyed it! Things are going to be changing in the future I'm working on a few different things that are going to be in place of the “Your Amazing Life” podcast coming out I have twice a week. I will be sure to keep you updated on those as they become closer. But for right now I'm going to be not doing that “Your Amazing Life” podcast. It's been a great run; I've been doing that for a year and a half now. It has not I've done the things that I was hoping it would do so I'm going to change up and see if I can move my business forward in a different way. But I am so grateful to each of you who have listened to me, each of you that are here today. I hope that you got a lot from the things that I talked about. I mean that that's the whole point of it was to help you change your life and increase the success that you have in your life. Hopefully, it brought you some happiness. I am always open to talk with people and go over exactly what you want so that you can be happy. I'd really love to discuss that with you and see how I can be part of that process for you. Hopefully, I have done that in this program. The goal was to create some happiness in your life, giving you some tools that you could use to make a difference. I am so grateful for all of the support that I get! I did also want to publicly thank my beautiful wife Evelyn for all the support that she's given me. She is amazing support; I mean she is just been there for me. She is gone above and beyond and I love her so much. I'm so grateful for all she’s done I couldn't have done this much without her. I am really thankful for the opportunity the podcast has given me. I'm grateful I’ve had to serve over the last year and a half in this way. I’m going to be looking for other ways to serve and ways that we might reach a few more people. I have learned so much and getting these podcasts ready for you and I really appreciate the opportunity to be part of your life. You know the more that I learn about this world and how it works the happier I am and the more successful I become. I've been reading the book Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. I've been learning so much for that right now there is a big huge to buy between “The Haves” and “Have Nots” one of the biggest in recent histories at least. The gulf is just getting bigger and there are all sorts of ideas on how to change that out there. Some of the ideas are being tried, others are not.

Check out the podcast for the rest of the story.

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So, what does it take to become a Jedi? You have a specific story that only you can share with and change the world. How do you get your story out there? You are unique. There is something different about each of you. If you are in your power “resistance is futile” But if you are not there, how do you get there? How do you get your story out there? What is it you are here to share with the world?

Number 1: I hope each one of you realizes that you are here on a mission. There is a higher purpose to you and your life. There are so many things that your mission can be about. Maybe it is getting others to enjoy life. If your life is stressful, meaningless, and uninspiring then you have not found your purpose. You were not born to survive this life. Remember the poem Our Greatest Fear by Marianne Williamson

Number 2: Some will, some won’t, Who's next? Your mission will speak to some but not to others. Don’t let those that don’t see it get you down. Move on! Do not let them stop you because they can’t see your vision. Be persistent. Keep trying! As you continue to try you will find those that want to hear your story.

Number 3: Know that you have value. Realize your true worth. Know what you have to offer others. Look at the things that you have accomplished. See what you are good at. Get to know yourself for who you are. We do not need to compare how we have done as opposed to others just in comparison to ourselves. You are great not because you are better than others. You are great because of who you are and what you do?

Number 4: Realize you are a leader. Speak out, what you are here to share. Make sure that you share your story with others. Realize the success you have created from the experiences that you have had over your lifetime. You are a leader because you are bent on improving yourself and your life. You are a leader to children, neighbors, coworkers, If you look at your light you will find ways that you are a leader. Those of you who think that you are not a leader, do you fear the light you have that people might follow. As a leader realize you are human. You are not perfect nor do you know all the right answers. As a leader, you should be able to find answers in others.

If you are tired of suffering, beating up on yourself, do you feel powerless, uninspired, and stressed; If you want to struggle less and enjoy more. If you want a truly amazing life that is connected and complete, you need the “You Have Value” program. If you are willing to make some changes, if you think you may be a fit for the “You Have Value" program let’s talk. Contact me, ken@creatingyouramazing.life or 801-449-0750

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We have Beth Crosby who says “Your story is your strength” she is a writing coach who helps entrepreneurial women comfortably write about what makes them the ideal fit for their clients. Now, Beth joins me today to discuss the difficulties, blessings, and gratitude that kidney failure presented to her. From the smaller stories that comprise her life story, she learned to be grateful for the blessings of dialysis and 2 kidney transplants. Welcome, Beth, in one of your posts on LinkedIn you said “We become who we are because of experience” So what experience had a large part to play in you becoming who you are?

Beth: Probably the biggest influence or experience, when I was a child, was my fathers’ mom. She lived across the street from us and she retired from her nursing job right after I was born. She kept me and taught me grammar and to love to read. She is the one that got me through third-grade multiplication tables. But the experience of having a grandparent… My grandfather died when I was young. So, the experience of having a grandparent who had the understanding of the importance of education but also the importance of getting outside and playing in the sunshine really was critical in developing who I became.

Ken: Okay Now, you help women to write and share their stories. What is the importance of our stories?

Beth: They show who we are and help us to get to know each other better. So, a quick example of that would be; I have a motorcycle, my dad had a Harley Davidson, my uncles had Harley-Davidsons. I was three I had the smallest helmet and so I rode on Harley-Davidsons with them. I always wanted a Harley cuz I thought I was just one of the guys. That helps me to relate to men. I was in a networking group and I meet a guy and we started talking about motorcycles. I don’t remember if he had on a motorcycle shirt or what. Another gentleman I knew passed by and I said “hey come here” you need to meet so and so. He rides Harleys too. So, I had two or three sentences of conversation with them and then I left them to talk and I left the conversation. So even when we are networking for business those stories are what help us relate.

Listen to the rest of the podcast to find out what blessings came from it. Beth also talks about how only when we accept our past and take hold of our experience do, we claim our power.

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

BethACrosby.com

LinkedIn.com/in/bethcrosby

Beth@BethACrosby.com

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There is the story of a man with a very stubborn mule who needed to get the mule to move. The mule was content to be where he was and didn’t want to put n the effort to walk and pull the man’s cart. So, they sat there, neither got what they wanted. But then the man had an idea. He went a got a long stick string and a favorite treat of the mule. He tied the carrot to the stick and dangled it out just in front of the mule. The mule moved to get to the carrot. There are many carrots in my life, and if you look closely, you will find them in your life also. Maybe you get them from work where if you hit a certain number, you get a bonus, party, or meal. The number could be for many things number of days without injuries, the number of sales. In fact, getting a job is a carrot and stick. You met this person they offered you cash if you would come in and do certain things and be present between certain hours and on certain days. This is a viable way of changing behavior. It has been around forever because it works to a certain extent.

But there are a few requirements to get it to work, the carrot has to be something that means enough to the person for them to do it. If your boss said they wanted you to come in and work and you would be paid $1.00 that probably would not motivate you to come in. If you told your child, you wanted them to spend an hour in the sun weeding for that popsicle, they might not do it. Everyone who has a job and gets paid for it likes this type of motivation. Money is used as a carrot so often that it can be overdone right. Money is an easy thing to come up with and it motivates so many people. In fact, it is usually about what number of bills motivates them, not a question of will they be motivated by it.

So, I hope we now agree, you are motivated by money. You show up at a business listen to what others want, produce what they asked, and then you receive nothing more than a few sheets of high-quality paper with some ink on it, for doing so. If you do a good job then they dangle the possibility in front of you that they will give you more sheets of paper. Maybe they will give you more responsibility and work and then you get more sheets of paper.

Why do we allow money to be a motivating factor? The first one we already mentioned is it is easy to do. Most of us have fear of the stick (homeless) and a desire for the carrot (things money will buy). Another reason is that we don’t know what other likes and dislikes we have. According to the numbers, there is no correlation between personal engagement and salary. People making $500,000s per year dislike their jobs as much as those making $24,000.Money does motivate, but the problem is it only moves us so far. It gets you to show up. It gets you through what is required. But it doesn’t get you to enjoy it. It doesn’t get you to learn, or to become. Once you have the needs for you and your family met the psychological benefits of money drop. Arnold Schwarzenegger said it best “Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.” Money is nothing more than a concept or symbol to facilitate trade. We as people project our own attitudes and tendencies towards it. We project definitions to it.

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Ken: We have Dr. Tracey Jones who is an author, speaker, veteran, publisher, podcaster, and international leadership expert, who currently serves as President of Tremendous Leadership. She is a graduate of the United States Air Force Academy, a decorated veteran who served in the First Gulf War and Bosnian War. Tracey is the author of ten titles, one of them the book SPARK: was an Amazon #1 new release. Now, Tracy, you have been reading personal development books most of your life. What kind of difference do you think that made in your life?

Tracy: It made all the difference in the world can and I have to tell you I joked that my father was up a “book a-holic” and a he was a book pusher. Flunked out of school in the 8th grade. Mother left him, abuse, came out of the depression era born in the South. Everything was against my father, but Charlie Tremendous Jones famously said, this when I was a young girl, “That you're going to be the same person that you are today from 5 years ago except for two things the people you meet and the books you read. He was the living embodiment of that. So, I tell people I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” before the “Poky Little Puppy” He was very much, you're going to read, you're going to read good content, and you're going to fill your brain with great stuff. Cause trash in, trash out; good in and good out.

Tracy: …. you know what I did? I went back to school. Cuz, I thought I can’t interact with people right now. I've got to get in my headspace, that's why I went back for my Ph.D. It was the best thing I could have done. I had to get out of my own way and I had to relearn my horrible habits and get on the path. I could see other people on the path, why can't I be on the path? I know I get on the path but I've got to do the work. So I read a book called “The Power of the Other” by Doctor Henry Cloud. He's one of my favorite authors; He saves people. Books like “Necessary Endings” and “Boundaries.” I mean “Necessary Endings” I give that to everyone and they're like “thank you so much for giving me that.” Because there is so much that out there; I'm sorry folks this is not Utopia we live in a fallen world. You put up the boundaries and you only allow in the good, that's not selfish that's the way it needs to be!

Check out the rest of the podcast to hear her talk about:

How depression affected her and how she would sleep 15 hours a day.

Anxiety kills more people on the planet.

Get the right mindset.

Finding advocates and what an advocate is.

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

www.traceycjones.com

www.tremendousleadership.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtraceycjones/

Facebook: Tremendous Tracey and Tremendous Leadership

Twitter: TraceyCJones

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Tremendousleadership

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Many of you have or will go through a divorce. How did that affect your life? How did it affect your confidence? So I was once told; you should only get divorced when the pain of being together is greater than the pain of divorce. There will be pain either way. I know a lot of my listeners have had to deal with this. Many of the people I coach have also. Some of them have deal with abusive spouses. Some have been gaslighted, treated with verbal and physical abuse, others have been in toxic relationships. Each of them got to the point the pain of being together was greater than the pain of getting divorced. Every one of you that has been through, or have at some point been thinking about divorce has some reasons for it right? How does thinking about divorce leave you feeling? Do you feel like you are a failure or broken? Maybe you feel triumphant or released of a burden. What about feeling some guilt? There are many things you can feel and all of them are correct. But it is important to process each of those emotions. If you don’t move past those it is likely to become an issue for you again.

Many of you may be looking to survive the divorce. You just want past the feelings of anger, hurt, confusion, depression, and pain, right? At some point, you had positive feelings for this other person you even said you loved them, right? So, there will be a loss that you will go through. Maybe the divorce was last month maybe it was 10 years ago. It is still possible that you look back fondly on the marriage or maybe feel regret. There were both good and bad times in the marriage, right? It is normal to remember both of those at different times. It is best to take adequate time and be honest, reflect on your feelings, process those emotions. This can be done by talking with someone that can help you walk through what you are experiencing. Walking through this with you can make a huge difference in your life and prepare you for a much better life and relationship going forward. Maybe you have developed new structures. Hopefully, you have looked over the feelings and done the soul searching to find out what is important to you. I talked with a friend and we were looking over the list that they had created on what the ideal relationship would look like. What was important to them. That is making a huge difference in their lives and helping them through the divorce.

So, how do you make it through all these emotions? First, know that there are 6 emotional stages that you will most likely go through.

1. Denial
2. Shock
3. Roller-coaster
4. Bargaining
5. Letting go
6. Acceptance

Some people move from one relationship to the next and find themselves in a similar situation each time. The players change but the rules stay the same. This is because they didn’t do the self-work so that they could move to a healthier relationship.

In case you are not sure there is life after divorce. You can have more than you dreamed of and have the life you wanted. All of this is possible. You can make these changes by asking these questions of yourself, to figure out what you want. Knowing and loving yourself is key to any happy healthy relationship. You must first have a quality relationship with yourself. I can help you with tools and tricks to learn about and develop a greater love for yourself.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Ken: Jason Holzer is a certified teacher and thought coach, accomplished basketball coach, and elite skills trainer. He is also an Amazon Best Selling author, post-Traumatic growth storyteller, and the Co-Founder of 4D Athletes. Welcome, Jason.

Jason: Howdy Ken thanks for having me on the show today. I appreciate it.

Ken: You're welcome. All right so how did you come to write the book? How did it come into being?

Jason: Well, you know I did basketball camps for a long time. So, I traveled across the US. I went to a lot of places some were small enough to drive through. I was driving to eastern Ohio, almost like the border of Pennsylvania. I like to drive without any radio on sometimes just in pure silence. I have two kids I’m a teacher, so there is always a lot of noise. So sometimes it is just nice to be where there is nothing going on. I’m a man of faith and I believe in spirituality. As I was in that quiet place and just being. The word “write” came into my mind. I was unsure of how to process that. I got home and that thought kept nagging at me “write” I was like “huh, Okay.” I told my wife, “I think I’m supposed to write a book.” She was like “you are? about what?” I think God is asking me to write a book about losing my dad to suicide. My wife said really do you know how to do that? I told her I had no clue. I went to college to become a physical education teacher. I work in sports. Nothing in my degree says creative writing or anything like that. A long story short about 18 months later, I ended up; I wrote a book about my story of losing my dad to suicide when I was 17 years old. but I didn't want to just be that, of the loss, I wanted to be a crescendo of, hey how do I get over being left behind. You can still have a great life despite what happened to you.

Ken: Okay so tell us more about the book

Jason: Yeah, sure it’s a first-person narrative of what I went through. So that when you read it you feel like you are in my shoes. Everybody processes grief and loss differently. but I wanted to give people an experience of what I personally went through. Knowing that hopefully, people will feel similar things. Everyone’s experiences will be different but sometimes emotions can be relatable. That was my goal. But then the second part of that I talked about things like self-love, things like building great habits, Things like forgiveness, and how to heal yourself. how would I heal myself from the trauma in order to find my identity? So that I could find my vision in order to let go of these negative emotions of anger, resentment, these were things that I harbored inside. To be able to move on. To learn how to get past some of the most difficult times in your life. To see a positive, optimistic future and believe that things will get better. I will be able to smile again, there is a rainbow at the end of the storm. So, the second part of that is the healing piece of it.

Listen to the podcast to hear the whole interview.

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Václav Havel played a major role in the Velvet Revolution, which was a non-violent transition from the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia to a parliamentary republic. He had a philosophy that included things like anti-consumerism, humanitarianism, and environmentalism. What if we could follow in his footsteps and create changes without violence. What if our philosophy included anti-consumerism, humanitarianism, and environmentalism? How many of us can create change within ourselves without violence? I know I have been caught up in what I want to buy next. How is it that these play in our lives? What is the importance of each?

What part does consumption play in our lives? I mean for a few people it is out of control that is why there are shows about hoarders, right? But what about the rest of us? Well let’s look at the definition of consuming; Absorbing, devouring, eating up, depleting. Everything that we buy has many costs associated with them. The opportunity cost. The cost of buying it, as well as the cost of getting rid of it and many others. But marketing has been able to use our minds against us. Turning tools that were created to build the human race and instead of using these tools to get us to buy things we don’t need.

Next, humanitarianism; here is an idea whose time has come. It is past time that we started treating each other as Brothers and Sisters. We need to value the life of each and every person despite our differences. Treat others with benevolence and provide assistance. The price that we will be paid for this will be large enough to change this world. We would provide food for those with none, provide aid to those in need. Can you imagine a world where the majority of us acted like; Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, or Oskar Schindler. What could we provide? What would this world looked like if everyone’s needs were meet?

What is the importance of environmentalism? Well, I am defining environmentalism as concern about the earth and taking action aimed at protecting it. Now we can have disagreements about how to protect this earth and that is okay. It doesn’t matter that we agree on how to protect the earth just that we all work towards that end. Today we take loans out on the environment. Loans that we will be paying interest on for the next few generations. That can only go on for so long. At some point, the interest we pay will outweigh the ability to produce.

We as fellow travelers on this earth are here and we are in this together. We are supposed to work together to make this experience move forward together. We only have this one Earth and even when we move to the stars this is still our home and it is part of us and needs care. Working together we can reduce the footprint we make and move out the survivability rate of this planet farther. We can and must work as a team. We must work for the same things and see ourselves as one. We must become one race the Human race. We must work from that viewpoint to make the changes in the world that will provide for generations.

Each of you has the power and ability to make a huge change in this world. Each of you can make a difference. Each of our communities needs someone to reach out and make a difference. As we make a difference in our neighborhoods, our neighborhoods will make a difference in our cities, as our cities change, they will change our states. This will work out until we change the world.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Christopher Salem: He was given a year and a half to live. He ended up dying 4 months into his diagnosis. I remember the day before he died. I remember him looking over at me and he couldn't talk but his eyes were somewhat open. It was like he wasn't really there. But yet in a way, he was it was just in a different way. It was like him communicating to me saying listen. I apologize I wasn't the dad that you were looking for or expected. I did my best; I could only give what I knew.

Jacquelyn Phillips: The most painful was having to become clean. I was really good at lying and you can only lie for so long, eventually, you get caught up in it. So, breaking the habit of lying and not embellishing that was really hard to do. As far as the most uncomfortable it was falling in love with myself. Because for the longest time it felt really hokey. I would say “I love myself” but that just sounds really dumb. But you have to! You have to love the person that you are. Because if you, don't you can't love anything else fully because you are holding back. Life is much more freeing if you have love in your heart!

Kim Knavel: It's... I used to not think there was anything I could do about the way I felt. I would get depressed, sometimes it was situational sometimes it wasn't. I do have clinical depression also and when it was situational... I couldn’t make it go away, when it was just because I was depressed, I couldn't make it go away. I always felt like everything else was controlling me. The people around me, my emotions, everything. I like not... I like not being controlled. I like being able to say “I can sit with you for a few days and I can look at these depressive feelings and I can see where they're coming from.” I don't have to judge them and they can make me sad for a minute but I'm not going to be buried in them.

Rich Cardone: I believe work-life balance is a complete myth. I believe it the state of mind because you can't achieve it. It is not a destination, you can achieve, it's just a state of mind. you either feel bad that you're giving work your all; or that when you're with your family you're giving your family our all, or whatever that may be. But it is not something that you can achieve, so you know the key to having an amazing life is balance.

Isabel Chiara: Number one would to really look at your life as it happened for you! Anything that happened in your life happened because we all have those stories that are sitting in our brain just keeps going over them. Maybe it was what we consider a failure, it could have been the worst thing that ever happened to us. But it happened so there is something about that thing that happened. Maybe it happened to move us in another direction. I always think that life happening for me right now. The second part of that is, that we don't know the rest of the story, right?

Justin Springer: We always, as hard times come, we feel like we must be going the wrong way you know. I know we talked about a lot, I'm sure you do with mindset, With like “flow states” and all that stuff. That could be another discussion, but what I think is sometimes the hardship is we need to embrace a little bit more.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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“It wasn’t so much that he minded telling Leslie that he was afraid to go; it was that he minded being afraid. It was as though he had been made with a great piece missing… Lord, it would be better to be born without an arm than to go through life with no guts.” Katherine Paterson Author of the book “Bridge to Terabithia” Have you ever thought you were born without guts? Kellie Hall 1st runner up at MISS CALIFORNIA and Navy Lieutenant said “I don’t think we’re born with insecurities; I think the world introduces them to us.”

There are negative influences and stigmas everywhere. They are increasing day by day. In UConn Today they posted “Decades of research confirm the presence of weight stigma in workplaces, schools, health care settings, public accommodations, and the mass media, as well as in close interpersonal relationships with friends and families. It’s everywhere.” Then we also struggle with stigmas around Mental health this stigma is a problem for young people as well as those in certain jobs, like police, firefighters, and those in military service. Why is it that we as people look at going to the DR.? for a checkup or visit is, okay?

Then there is the 3ft giant. Sean Stevenson, Sean was an expert in the field of hypnotherapy. Because of a genetic disorder he only grew to 3 ft tall and was in a wheelchair his entire life. Because of the “brittle bone disease,” he had more than 280 fractured bones and dozens of other medical complications that threatened his life and he was in pain often. But in March 2004 he started work on a Doctor of Clinical Hypnotherapy Degree. Now if you had been born with this genetic disorder would you have felt insecure? Sean developed a powerful self-image and a rock-solid Identity. Sean knew that it is your identity that gets you what you want out of life. If your goals and your identity do not match up; it is your identity that will be the deciding factor, not your dreams. If you are feeling insecure congrats you are part of the human race. There are things you can do to reduce your insecurities.

Identity is exclusively self-determined. This means it is pliable and can change over time. Every action you take is a vote for the person you want to become. Because of this, no single instance will transform your beliefs. But you can change your beliefs by changing those individual votes. You can develop a secure feeling about who you are and what you can do. In order to have what we want we need to prove that we can have it to ourselves. Once we are secure in our beliefs of who we are and what we can do; then will these dreams happen.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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We have Dr. Pat Boulogne: she is a Coach, Physician, Speaker, and Visionary. She is the author of “Why are you sick, fat, and tired: find out now.” And the CEO: “health team network.” I am so excited to have Dr. Pat with me today.

DR. Pat:

Thanks, I love being here, I am fired up and ready to go.

Ken:

In your book, you quoted a recent statistic that indicated in 2030, we will see approximately 50% of our population stricken with a chronic illness. WOW, so your bestselling book is about what we can do right? Tell me about that and the title?

DR. Pat

First, that statistic came out before the pandemic. The pandemic just signified wow we have a lot of sick people and we don’t even know it. That stat is real it could even be pushed up a couple of years because of this last year and a half. Think about it a lot of people didn’t know they were sick or how they felt and the such. But you didn't ask me about that exactly you asked me about my book. My book is called “Why are you Sick Fat and Tired.” I had a businesswoman in one of my groups, and she told me I’m not sick I’m not fat, and I’m not tired. I said oh contraire. I said because… What the book does, is this book is an advocating tool, a guidebook, and a tool to use to find out what's going on in your health snapshot now. So, it asks about 11 different organ systems, and your body, now these 11 organ systems fit together like a Swiss watch. So, if the Swiss Watch piece is broken, something else is going to break someplace else. If it's starting to slow down because it is starting to wear out, something else is going to happen someplace else. They all interrelate with each other. There is not a process that doesn’t require time. Now when you're looking at how things are connected just keep thinking about the spiderweb. Each is just one piece of a much larger puzzle. Think about it shooting out and connecting to everything so that it all pieces together. We can use the book to find the weakest and strongest links. The weakest link will be your highest scores and the strengths will be your lowest because you have to have something working for you. Because eventually what happens in that scenario is that the organ system keeps on getting taxed so that it gets taxed to a point where it starts affecting your immune system.

Listen to the podcast to hear more about

What's going on with mindset and mental health these days?

What's the link between diet, lifestyle, and environment?

What are 5 lifestyle solutions anyone can do to improve their health immediately?

If there were only three ideas that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life?

What is the best way for folks to connect with you, Dr. Pat?

https://youramazing--askdrpat.thrivecart.com/motivational-bio-hacks-webinar/

drpat@healthteamnetwork.com

https://healthteamnetwork.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drpatboulogne/

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This last year has seen a big change in the rules because of Covid. Many families have lost jobs or had incomes cut. There has been a worldwide downturn. This is something that has not happened in all of history. This has cut spending in many industries. Because of the shutdown, the travel industry has been greatly impacted, with hotels losing over 40% of their jobs. Then there is a shortage of parts needed to make cars that are crippling the auto-making industry.

Many people are more aware than ever before that they can lose their job. Some people have become more dependent on the government to have their needs met. I mean how many of you spend the Covid money that the government sent out? We now know that our country can be shut down. This is been the sharpest and quickest slowdown since the depression. This situation with record economic stimulus measures and the reduction in spending does not appear in any textbook nor has it been taught in any school.

What are the emotions that come up when you think of personal finance? Is it fear and overwhelm? You can change your future. We are going to go over these rules today.

So today we are talking about the set of financial rules you play by. This last year has seen a huge downturn. Many people that thought they had “good jobs” have found themselves unemployed. No, it doesn’t just ask someone like me that got a bachelor’s degree in sociology, psychology or someone that got a degree in theatre arts. Did you get an education in the effective use of money? Or how about how to invest? Not likely.

So, for this new time in history what are the rules you need to live by to be successful?

1. Determine what your money story is and how it affects you?
2. Spend less than you earn!
3. Part of all you earn is yours to keep! From “The Richest Man in Babylon”
4. Track your finances!
5. Be particular on what you will pay interest on. Use a debt snowball or avalanche method.

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We have Isabel Chiara, creator of “The Life Actualization Process,” She is a guide, mentor, and leader, studying and working in transformational energy modalities, Isabel activates unlimited potential and empowerment for her clients, helping them to ignite their full passion and align with their most authentic life path, by eradicating constricting beliefs, definitions, and self-limitations. She is the author of a new book “Eat Your Words” Welcome to the Show Isabel

Isabel:

Thank you so much Ken for having me here. I’m so excited

Ken:

You're welcome, yes me too. So, let's go ahead and get right into this and talk about body shame and self-discovery.

Isabel:

Is that where we're starting? My favorite subject. Okay, body shame is something that I don't think I'm the only one that experienced it. I say that it's something that is taught to us when we are younger. Whereas the things we do... I think things have shifted a lot with parenting lately, but I think that when we were younger, our parents if they didn’t like things, or if our parents didn't think it was good for us, or if you're not doing something according to their specifications, parents would call you out on it or bring it up. Then there would be this non-acceptance. It almost feels like it's the behavior that has the non-acceptance, but it actually comes across to the child as non-acceptance of them, because as a child we don't know the difference. We think that it's us that are not accepted, right? So, I think that when you start to put on pounds when you're at a young age or you're eating in a certain way. In my family it was related to the way you ate and if you ate too much. So now all of a sudden that behavior is not acceptable and your family's kind of watching you. Now as you continue on your path of nourishment, which is supposed to be the most nourishing years of your life, we start to develop this story that we carry for the rest of our life. I am just going to go back to the child in the book “Eat Your Words.” Because we start to develop our vocabulary that we internalize based on what our parents are saying to us. So now if I were to consciously eat, I'm really going through my own psyche and saying wait, should I have this, or should I not eat this. I mean it starts at an early age. So, it's really actually about seeing ourselves in a certain way. Through the eyes of our parents or guardians or our loved ones, right?

Ken:

I have a bunch of experience with this also. I mean my wife deals with body shame and a number of family members who also deal with it. We actually have a foster daughter and I really have to be careful with the words I use. Because I do not want to put body shame onto her or words into her head. But I want to train her to take care of herself. There are just so many people who suffer from this. What do you think we can do?

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

Web: Isabel Chiara

FB: TheActualizer

Insta: @EatYourWordsBook

Twitter: @IzChiaraAuthor

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Putting yourself out there is difficult. It doesn’t have to be in a podcast. I’m sure you have put yourself out there in one way or another in the past. Maybe you found it difficult too. There are so many negative thoughts and stories that you and I can talk about your life, right? If you are like me it goes in waves. There are probably times when you feel confident and then there are other times when you don’t. Maybe your thoughts and stories are about your relationships. It could be about your job or business. Maybe you are locked in at a certain amount of money you earn and you struggle to make more. There are so many places that the story we tell ourselves drives what we see in our lives. It doesn’t matter if you make $1000.00 a month, or a million. Maybe you remain in a job position that you are good at but doesn’t fulfill you. If you are stuck it is because of the story you tell yourself and how confident you feel. There are so many people that tell a story that they are not in control of their lives. If something outside of them was better than their life would be better. If a parent would stop doing this, if they had insurance which would cover that. If they didn’t have to be responsible for their actions. So many people are looking for a scapegoat for their lives. Some people have told me that they can’t believe in God because if a God were all powerful then they would not allow for “bad things” to happen. So, what we are talking about is confidence or “Swagger” as my friend Leslie Elm calls it. There is a big difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is a fairly quiet knowing. A trust in one's abilities, qualities and performance. It is knowing what you are competent in. There is no comparison with others abilities in confidence. Just because you are exceptional at something doesn’t mean that there aren’t people out there that are equally skilled. Arrogance comes when we put our skills against others. When we judge how good or bad, they are in comparison to us, that is arrogance. Arrogance is much louder than confidence and it is boastful. Arrogance is what happens when the story we tell ourselves is that we must compete or win. Because of arrogance we think we must be better than others. Arrogance like all things comes at a cost. It is important to figure out what the costs are and whether you are willing to pay them. Telling a story that I am not good enough or that I don’t have the needed power to direct my life is arrogance. Arrogance can be “I am better than you” but it also includes those who look down on themselves. Finding your confidence or your swagger is important. Learning to pick between confidence and arrogance is important. Only in confidence are you 100% secure in your abilities. Here are some steps to develop confidence:

Attempt to do things you think are impossible... Get out of your comfort zone!  List things that you have accomplished.  Do the right things! Follow through… Actions create accomplishments, accomplishments create confidence! Exercise, this changes your physiology, it changes your emotions, it produces endorphins. It creates a different you. Stand up for yourself Get to know you

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Ken: We have April Johnson with us today. She is a cachet white woman using she/her pronouns. April has a gift to provide hope and help with life problems and events. She draws upon the wisdom or a deep knowing as well as her own life experiences. Those experiences have included poverty; deaths; divorce; unemployment; housing instability; college attempts; and most recently cancer with a broken back, related paralysis and disability. So many hospital trips due to serious treatment side effects, lingering symptoms, and chronic pain. April lived in a nursing home for a year and a half including during the first nine months of the covid-19. Welcome to the Show April. So, tell me of all those experiences, what experience did you have the toughest time with? April: The nursing home; housing is frustrating and that certainly plays into my nursing home experience. I don’t think there is anything in life that prepares us for living in a nursing home. Whether it is the traditional unit as someone in their 40 years or it is someone at the end of life, it is a whole different experience. Ken: Yeah, what was that like for you? April: Sad, painful, it felt like I was on the island alone, and forgotten. My choices were very few. It is a system and the people who are taking care of me are making lousy wages and worried about how they're going to pay their bills, take care of their family, and put food on the table. So, they're not always in the best headspace to meet me or anyone else in that environment where we are. There are really high expectations as residents and patients to know things that we don’t and to behave and conduct ourselves in a way that is foreign to us. So, it is very isolating. Ken: Gotcha yeah it would be, okay now you have been through some really tough things what have those experiences taught you? April: A lot of things, healing is a process, It is ongoing. It feels daunting at first because it is heavy, but it gets better over time; and there is a place where it becomes a joy. To heal and to recognize that we are healing, learning that healing can go deeper is actually very cool. It expanded empathy for me, you know we're all human we are all going through things. Not talking about things makes us feel more isolated. Finding a community and connection is really difficult. Ken: I get that, how important is that connection to us as humans? April: I think it is paramount. The lack of connection as individuals is at the root of a lot of our problems and struggles. It is a problem as individuals and as collectives in the world. We are missing the mark of humanity in the other person that we are dealing or communicating with at any given moment in time. We also talk about How will your story help listeners change their lives for the better? Tell me what accomplishments you’re most proud of: If there were only three ideas that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life? What is the best way for folks to connect with you? I can be found by the username @ AskAprilJ on Twitter and Instagram. April’s email address is AJ.AskAprilJ@gmail.com. Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Hope can carry us through the tough times when we have them. –Stephen King, Rita Hayworth in Shawshank Redemption said it this way. "Remember that hope is a good thing, Red, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." There was a study done with rats in the 1950’s by Curt Richter, a professor at John Hopkins. The first group of rats were put in glass bowls of water. They swam for a few mins then gave up and drowned. The second group just before they would have given up and drowned were taken out of the water, held for a little while, let them recover and then put back in the water even though they only got picked up once, it made a big difference in their life expectancy. When he put them back in the water instead of minutes they swam for hours and hours.

So, what is the take away? Here is what I want to talk about. When you feel supported by others, when you feel like you have been rescued from time to time when you needed it, or if you believe the future will be a better place. These things will help you through difficult situations. They will provide hope.

There is this thing called “Vroom’s Expectancy Theory of Motivation.” You might be asking if I can give you the lay version. What this says is that people are motivated by 3 types of situations.

1. We are motivated when we value the reward associated with the action.
2. They trust that they will receive the reward if they do a good job.
3. They believe that they have the ability to achieve their objectives by working hard.

Hope is alive. It resides in the place where sadness, anguish and devastation bring the sentence of death. Hope looks forward. The future is what brings hope, for what is possible; the past is where we see the negative things that have happened to us. Hope builds and encourages.

This world needs hope! There is a bigger shortage of hope and love than of water or anything else that we need on this earth. According to the United Nations we are in the middle of a human crisis. We have many things happening that are “firsts” in the history of the world. We are so connected and the earth is so small now that we can get info around the world simultaneously. There are things like the global health crisis which have never before been seen at this scale. A global recession of record dimensions. This is stressing out the human family and the social fabric is being stretched so thin it is tearing. We need a new set of tools to overcome situations that have never before been seen. We need love and hope. We need to work together in solidarity to overcome this crisis. We need to see each other with love no matter the different backgrounds or beliefs that we have. We need to find hope in each other and in the future for us to overcome this crisis. We need each other. It is so very important that we find ways to connect with love and create hope.

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Let’s suppose it is Friday and evening is coming on. You have a good idea what you will find when you get home and you are dreading getting there. You know the fight will be outrageous. It will boil over and last the whole evening. The feelings are already welling up as you get into the car. You drive home playing the same tape in your head over and over. You are feeling some frustration, not understood, and deep-seated annoyance. These are emotions and expectations you are familiar with as this argument has been going on and on. By the time you reach home you are nearly sick with the hurt and frustration you are feeling. You walk in the door and things are just as you expected. You feel this heat rise up in a wave that goes up and over your entire body making you hot under the collar as the saying goes. After the wave crashes over you. You get started; the other person is right there to meet you. They are ready to party!

Have you ever had a fight like the one I described above? Maybe you only used some of the weapons here, not all. Pretty sure most of you can relate on some level to this story. When did the fight start? You might say when I entered the house, or maybe not till the yelling and name calling. But let’s look more closely. The fight started long before you walked into the house. In fact, in this case, it started before you got into the car. It started with the expectation that you put together as you contemplated going home. If you doubt me on this, I would love to have you send me a message on the Facebook page on an example of a fight that didn't start as an expectation. They should have known or they should have done it differently. I have had expectations come hours before or right at the moment. But the unmet expectation is when the fight begins. The fight is about getting your expectations met. In this story, on the ride home as you played out the experience over and over again it was part of the fight that you had with yourself. In the argument you have in your head do they ever get solved? Other people are usually more pigheaded in my brain than they are in person.

These are some of the worst things that anyone can do during a fight. We talked about the weapons that can be used in a fight. But weapons mean things will get bloody and someone will get hurt. It should be noted here that abuse in any manner physical, emotional, mental, is never okay for one person to do to another. It is possible to hash things out without weapons. Doing this can create love and acceptance. The #1 thing to leave out of a fight is name calling. That is a hurt that you cannot take away. I would place name calling under abuse. Name calling does include obscenities but obscenities are not the only way to call someone a name. #2 is the silent treatment or cold shoulder. This is where you slammed the door shut. This leaves the conflict unresolved and leaves the other person alone and hurt. This is very damaging to the relationship and the person. Next #3 bringing up past mistakes or unrelated issues to distract and deflect. Bringing up irrelevant past mistakes is counterproductive and puts them on the defensive. #4 Your focus is on being “right” or “winning” instead of focusing on understanding what is going on and what feelings are happening. #5 Many of the things we say in an argument do not even come out of our mouth.

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So yesterday was my 29th wedding anniversary. It looks like the number of those who are married for that long is in the 20% range. Now getting to this place was not easy. There have been multiple times my wife and I have discussed divorce. There were times when we hurt each other and times when we felt this isn’t what we signed up for. Over the years we have had fights, communication problems and arguments. We have at times lacked commitment. There has been distance and lack of physical intimacy in our relationship at times. Guess what in the 29 years both Eve and I have found that there are other people on this earth that we are attracted to. None of these things were abnormal for us and maybe not for you. None of these things stopped us from being married! Each time we hit a speed bump and talked about separating and didn’t as we worked on the relationship it deepened and became richer. It took us both to make changes and strengthen our marriage and keep it together for the last 29 years.

To create a healthy relationship there needs to be boundaries. In episode 223 about how we talked about setting up rules on how we wanted to be treated has been part of our relationship. We started setting them up when we were dating and we have renegotiated them as we have changed. But the most important thing is that we are following the rules that we set up. Boundaries help you and your partner to feel loved and accepted. They tell others what makes it so that you can feel appreciated. Boundaries are for the protection of all involved. They can be set for physical, emotional, sexual, Intellectual, and financial needs. You are qualified to set up borders for each of these types of needs. Boundaries have helped our relationship extensively. In setting up these boundaries' communication is key.

Talking about building an amazing relationship. What else besides boundaries are needed? The first thing that must happen is you must accept your partner as they are. There is nothing I want Evelyn to change because of me. She is perfect for me just the way she is. This is one of the things I choose. I choose to accept her and want her the way she is or the way she chooses to be. It is not that this is always easy, sometimes I have to check my expectations. My unmet expectations destroy whatever part of my life that I have the expectations about. So, I then choose to let go of expectations and accept Evelyn as she is. Accepting her also means loving and supporting her in her ways and beliefs. I am so grateful that she does this for me. Because of her acceptance there is no need of nagging because of her acceptance of who I am.

One of the things we learned at around 11 years of marriage, this was during a difficult point in our marriage, was to express appreciation often. This saved our marriage at this point in time. What it does is help you to see each other's helpfulness. It helps you to assign value to their contribution. They strengthen romantic connections. It makes people happier. Signs that you need to work on helping your partner feel appreciated may be that they don’t share their opinion. They are quieter than they had been. They make plans without consulting you. They appear more distant. These things all show that your marriage is lacking appreciation in one another. You can control only yourself, so choose to act differently. Start to show appreciation for your partner.

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Ken: We have Di Snarr on the show today. She Owns a “Touch of Healing” Kinesiology Di and I met on LinkedIn and it was just amazing. I was very moved by her story and I know you will be too. Di was on a podcast called “Just Interesting People” which was an awesome interview. Welcome to the show. What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?

Di: There were a lot of tough things I had to deal with. I think the top one is abuse, first being abused by others, and then because of that, I would abuse others, just in my interactions with them. Like at school when I was a kid or my siblings, and then I abused myself. The way I was, isolated me, So then I would abuse myself. It was a rough road to learn how to get out of those experiences.

Ken: You said you abused yourself. I mean I think all of us can relate to that. But how did that look for you?

Di: I was very promiscuous for a few of my teenage years between the age of 14 - 17. Some people would say being promiscuous, that's not a problem. But when you're doing it in a sense that you're trying to continue old abusive habits. That's where the problem is. When you have those experiences when you have any kind of sexual experience. Whether it's by yourself or someone else or you're looking at pornography or anything and anything of a sexual nature. Your body releases hormones and chemicals that connect you to that experience and so it affects you for your life. So for those who experience abuse that way it takes such deep healing. It takes a long time to heal, for some people they may never heal.

Ken: Yeah when you are abused they take your boundaries and they blow him up, right?

Di: Yeah, you're violated, you're damaged, you're never the same. It affects you on every level; spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental and then however many levels each of those contain. So you know if you're a religious person that can help with your spirituality, then for your emotional support you have to see a therapist. Then for physical, you never feel clean. It's so damaging especially when it happens so young, and that's all you know, it's normal. You eventually learn it hasn't happened to everyone around you and then you see them as clean. Now kids are so intuitive, so when I was in school the kids could sense there was something different. They couldn't put a name to it or understand it unless they had a similar experience. You know they don't know what to call it, but then they could sense the energy coming off of me. They don't know what to do with it, so I was relentlessly teased, I tied up at recess and they would throw rocks at me. It was a vicious cycle from the beginning until I met my husband. When we met I told him everything about my life, cuz I didn't want any secrets. I didn't want anybody to come to him and say “did you know this about her?” or like “this is who she really is.” or whatever. I was upfront with him, and it's not something that he learned growing up, cuz he didn't have an easy time either. But he discovered some things and then taught me that really helped me to come out of that. I was then able to learn what kind of things are acceptable, what’s not acceptable, and how to love myself.

What is the best way for folks to connect with you? personalpathways1111@gmail.com or Di Snarr | LinkedIn

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I hope you’ll bear with me this week My podcast may not be as long or maybe not as good. It has been a tough week. You know I work to be truthful with you my friends. It hasn’t been that long since I told you I was having a tough time, but I’m going to tell you that again today. It has been a rough couple of days. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I woke up at 4:30 and was stressed out, my mind moving over and over on things that happened the day before that I couldn’t change or do anything about. I’m betting that some of you have been there. When those times hit what do you do? Last night I tried mindfulness. I tried to focus on my breathing. After 30 mins of working on that, I got up out of bed. My bed is for sleeping if that is not going to happen then I get out. There were quite a few different options when I got out of bed. I don’t know about you but when I woke up like that I was not in the mood to start working. So instead I started watching tv, spent time with one of my favorite shows. Now I don’t need to put a judgment on it it was not a good thing to do, nor a bad one. It did stop the noise in my head. It distracted me from the things I couldn’t get out of my head. How long has it been since your stress has affected your sleep?

So why does this happen? Most adults need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep. I’m in the 8-hour club. There are many reasons you can be suffering from sleeping difficulties, include things like habits, lifestyle, medical conditions, medications, and thought processes. Behaviors that can affect your sleep are too much stimulation before bed. Things such as TV, video games, exercising caffeine, noise disturbances, and light also affect sleep. Some of the other things that affect sleep are physical pain, prescription medications, or frequent urination. Then there are also sleep disorders: Apnea, circadian rhythm, narcolepsy, restless leg. Sleep is also affected by stress, depression, work, and the amount of exercise done. So how is your sleep and what affects it? Why are you getting the sleep you are getting?

What problems can a lack of sleep cause? High blood pressure, diabetes, heart attacks, heart failure, or stroke. Did you know that lack of sleep can lead to premature wrinkling, obesity, and lower sex drive? That’s a good enough reason to get enough sleep right?

Sleep has four stages: that we cycle through. There is REM through Deep sleep. Your body and mind need to process through these uninterrupted or you will probably feel tired or have trouble concentrating. Not getting the right amount or all stages of sleep affects both our physical and mental health in a big way. We need to make sure that we get through all stages of sleep uninterrupted.

What are some things we can do to get better sleep? First off treat getting enough sleep is important. Number 2 and we have talked about this in other episodes but be consistent in what time you get up and go to bed. Then number 3 is put away electronics and at least 30 mins beforehand.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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So the Dalai Lama XIV said, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Do you know someone that loves to hear the sound of their own voice? Someone that likes to talk and will tell you everything that they can think of? They want to share with you their viewpoints on every subject. Then there are then others who love to listen. When we listen to understand and not just to reply we can hear others. Maybe you have heard the quote you have two ears and one month. Follow that ratio. Listen more, talk less. Successful people learn by listening.

Richard Branson has said, "Great listeners are often terrific at uncovering and putting in place strategies and plans that have a big impact." why is it that listeners can put into place strategies and plans? Because when they listen they get information that they didn’t have before. That information can help them to learn what it is that they need to make a decision and act on it. The only reason to listen is if you need to learn. If you know everything that needs to be known there is no need to listen.

Listening is an active process where patience, compassion, and determination play critical roles. In order to absorb words and process the meanings, we need to concentrate. Listening promotes better relationships. It assists in building trust, resolving issues, and strengthening ties. The other day I was interacting with a family member on Facebook and I probably shouldn’t have. But I commented on their post and it was not something that we agree on. They hear my comment but didn’t listen to it. They attacked my statement with something that didn’t have anything to do with my message. So they hear that I talked but didn’t listen to what I said. They were talking so they were repeating things they already know. I have listened enough to know that my ideas disagreed with theirs, so sharing my thoughts in that medium is where I made a mistake.

But true listening develops communication skills. Communication is kind of a lost art, especially with social media. It is so easy to hear without listening and then react and attack those that state something different. This reminds me of another experience. Another family member was at work and someone came into the office and they had loaded for bear. They were upset and knew that this family member would not agree with them. So they came in arguing. They for quite a while did not even recognize that the person they were arguing with actually agreed with them from the get-go. Here again, they hear but didn’t listen. I’m sure you have stories about how this has happened to you also.

Listening is an important skill. Like we talked about in an earlier episode, skills can be learned. To become an excellent communicator you must first start listening with your eyes, ears, and mind open. Communicating is not just about getting your point across but about learning the points others have.

In what ways can you be more active in listening?

1. Maintain eye contact; It is hard to have your mind wander if you are looking someone in the eye.
2. Don’t grab one thought or sentence and then react to it.
3. Ask questions about the thought or idea that expressed. Listening helps to gather facts.

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I want to start with a quote, this was posted on Reddit byu/mylasttie wrote “We care so much about the health and integrity of our body that until death, we don’t notice that the body is nothing more than a box- a parcel for delivering our personality, thoughts, beliefs, and intentions to this world. If there is nothing in the box that can change the world, then it doesn’t matter if it disappears. I believe we all have potential, but it takes a lot of courage to realize it.” I love this thought. I love the Epiphany behind it.

I want to share a poem by Ron Tranmer called The Dash Between. “I knelt there at the headstone of one I love and cried. The Names, with dates of birth and death, were perfectly inscribed. I pondered these two dates and how little they both mean when compared to the tiny dash that lies there in between. The dash serves as an emblem of our time here on the earth, and although small, it stands for all our years of life, and worth. And our worth will be determined by how we live each day. We can fill our dash with goodness, or waste our life away. To ourselves, as well as others, let’s be honest, kind, and true, and every day, live the way we know God wants us to. May we look for opportunities to do a worthy deed, and reach out with compassion to those who are in need. For If our hearts are full of love throughout our journey here, we’ll be loved by all who knew us and our memory they’ll hold dear. And when we die, these memories will bring grateful, loving tears, to all whose lives were touched.” What will be left behind in your dash? Because the dash is what is important. The dates will come and go with or without us. There are so many people out there in this world filling their dash up with amazing actions. Some who are young and saved others from car fires or kidnapping, another Nicholas Winton who died at age 106 back in 2015, among other things in his dash he saved 669 children from the holocaust. There are many that we look at and we admire what they did with their dash.

Well, some of it depends on why you are here and what is important to you. But we are going to start with some things that are universal. First off is to find joy. You can find joy in following the natural laws of this earth. Natural laws are laws that are outside of morals and mores. They are outside of religion. They are based on this universe and it is impossible to refute them.

The second universal truth is service.It doesn’t matter who you serve. It doesn’t matter where you serve. It only matters that you serve.You will be paid dividends that you never expected from your service. Check out Just Serve.org to find service opportunities near you that can help you to do good and feel good.

The next universal truth is gratitude. Sociologist Georg Simmel calls this act “the moral memory of mankind” in his book.

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Ken: We have Carrie Mikell, Carrie is a mother of 3 children ages 6-1 and has been married to the love of her life for over 7 years. She has a bachelor's degree in business with an emphasis in finance from Brigham Young University and has been working in the financial services industry for over ten years now. Previously she focused her attention on high-net-worth retirees but recently decided she finds more joy in helping younger families achieve their dreams. When Carrie isn't working on her business or cleaning up after her three small children, she can often be found in the great outdoors enjoying nature and taking her children on grand adventures. Welcome to the Show Carrie

Carrie: It’s important to say that I’m first and foremost passionate about life’s adventures. I’ve traveled the world, lived and worked in 5 different countries, climbed mountains and repelled down 250ft cliffs to see sights very few people get to see, etc. I wrote my first bucket list when I was 16 and have been checking things off ever since. I’ve only been able to do this because of the personal finance principles I learned early on. As such, I’ve gained an additional passion in helping individuals and young families achieve their dreams, and I do this through sound financial coaching. As someone who is naturally logical and pragmatic, I enjoy the strategizing and quantitative work. I’m also greatly enjoying building my team, specifically focusing on incredibly talented women. I feel that I’m in a unique position to widen the world of financial consulting and make it more inclusive.

Ken: What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?

Carrie: It's a long mess of a story, but I was essentially homeless during my senior year of high school. Getting myself through school and supporting myself financially -- especially at that age -- was a major struggle, but one that has helped shape me into who I am today.

We also talked about What is the biggest goal you are working on right now?

Many people have fear and secrecy around money. Why is that and how do they get past it?

If there were only three truths that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 truths would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life? My knowledge, hopefully a little more peace and understanding, opportunities. We really aren’t a family that focuses on obtaining things but we are big on experiences and we hope that those experiences give our children and others a greater understanding of all the good and beauty there is out there in the world.

What is the best way for folks to connect with you? Carrie Mikell, ChFC | LinkedIn

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Because you are here you have had things happen to you. Maybe you have been deceived or lied to, maybe you had promises given that were not honored. Sometimes those experiences were a single event other times they happened time and again. Maybe they happen over and over again and they are from the same person. If it is a single event, like someone is supposed to call you for a job interview and doesn’t, you move on and go forward with your life. No harm no foul. A single event is less likely to be something you teach others. But if it is happening to you more than just once in a while you may be teaching others that you expect to be treated that way. You train others as to what you will accept and what you will not. The things that you accept will keep happening in the relationship because you gave it the okay.

What does not work in setting up how we want to be treated? Dishing out to others what they have dished up for us, attempting to make them pay, inflicting the pain of our emotion onto them, and trying to one up them. But this will rarely change behavior. How do you respond when being taught a lesson? Treating others this way is counterproductive and unkind. It is something that comes after the action and may or may not be seen as tied to the action. Since these do not work, I do not recommend using these. It will create unhappiness in you and your relationship.

So, what does work? First off teaching by example. We should want others to be treated with dignity and grace just like that is what we should expect. When you model the behavior, you want others are going to want to treat you similarly. If you are late or don’t show up for others, they will most likely treat you the same way. Many might not even do it consciously. But as we show what is important to us others will learn to treat us that way. We also teach through consistency When we speak kindly to others even when they are speaking harshly, we show them our expectations. The whole thing is to teach by example and influence. These are great ways of establishing expectations.

After example and influence the next way to teach others how to treat us is to establish simple and appropriate boundaries. We can institute boundaries in regard with time, consideration, mutual respect and honor. Healthy boundaries smooth the flow of relationships and enable them to deeper connection. They help relationships to flourish. There is only one way to set boundaries and that is by using your voice. You must be clear on your boundaries in order to describe them to others. How long would it take to get to work in the morning if there were no stop lights or road signs. Boundaries do for your relationships what stop lights and road signs to your commute. Be sure to set appropriate boundaries and then clearly explain them.

There are two powerful tools in teaching people how we want to be treated. The first one is to reinforce behaviors that you want. What gets rewarded gets repeated. If the behavior you want is not done no need to make a speech or big deal about it. Just withholding the reward will be enough. So, if someone is late and they apologize then simply accept the apology and forgive them. If they are on time, reward them generously. The next tool is one of my favorites. It is amazing the power of an insightful question. This was made popular by the Greek philosopher Socrates. It is now known as the “Socratic” method. To use this tool, you must ask questions that lead to the discovery of truth.

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I’m betting you are normal and you base your thoughts and beliefs on results. If I got the result, I wanted then my goals were successful right? How many of you look at your day to see what you got done? It is probably not about what you worked at but what you accomplished. Let me know if I’m getting warm here. I get stuck here too. In the past I had expected to get a great job and I wanted to do it without working my way up the ladder. Or maybe you want a successful business from day one without first putting forth a little effort. People on social media, or in interviews like to show how success sneaks up on someone; and they become an “overnight” success. That is not how it usually happens. It comes as a result of having a clear personalized plan of action, and then investing the hard work and resources to allow success to come into view. If you have the results that you deem you consider yourself successful then you have put in the correct efforts for that day, right.

Let’s look at success. It operates the same way. Athletes don’t become superstars overnight. Actors don’t go directly to Broadway. We have gone into many of the examples in past episodes. Most business people try at least 3 or 4 things before finding one that works, and most entry level jobs are little more than a learning process. Do you try more than two things or do you just figure you are not lucky enough or don’t have the contacts to be successful. Do you get stuck on the results and let that determine your effort?

You need to decide what you’re willing to put into the process of bringing success into your life. Remember there are no shortcuts to success. There is no magic button. Not one thing that can be told to us and get to what we want. When looking at things that way we are concentrating on the results. But average people are the ones that concentrate on results. Successful people concentrate on effort. Truthfully the effort that you put in is the only thing that you have control over anyways. If you look at any superstar, they would not be the superstar they are if they had the results from the beginning. There would have been other things that they had learned like focus and a love of work. The reason for this is that there are things that come with the time, effort, and money that we invest.

Maybe you think you can’t afford to invest in your future. What are you willing to give up to bring new successes into your life? The world abhors a vacuum. If you empty things from your life there will be things that rush into fill that void. Some of the big names have recommended investing 3% of your income into success. Many of you have no idea of what that would look like. If you make just $12 an hour which is $1920 a month your investment at 3% would be $58 per month. What if your yearly income is $65,000 a year at that point it should be 5% which would be $270 a month. What if you want to make $150,000 a year well prepare yourself by investing $625 a month to increase your income. What if you want to make 1 million then $4150 is your bench mark. Reach beyond what you think you can afford. It will accelerate your success!

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We spoke about this a little in episode 219. Let’s start with real world examples of when and how this starts. I just saw this video but it has been around for quite a while. This video is of a 4-year-old getting her hair done and she tells the hairdresser “I’m So Ugly.” It is not uncommon for body dysmorphia to start this way. The hairdresser tries to tell the girl how beautiful the girl is. The young girl has so much energy tied up in the message that she is not pretty or enough. Body dysmorphia can easily start this early. In fact, this young girl had most likely thought this more times before saying this. The crazy thing about body dysmorphia is that there is no reality to it. Ariyonna, this young girl 4 years old already has preconceived ideas about her beauty. Her ideas and her looks don’t match.

Where does the evidence come from, behind these kinds of thoughts? The truth is there is no evidence. The focus is on a “perceived” defect or flaw in one's body. But when you have body dysmorphic disorder you intensely focus on parts of your appearance and image. The people suffering from this take it to the extreme. Think about how many times you look at yourself in the mirror each day? Are you seeking out cosmetic fixes or procedures to overcome perceived flaws? Do you look for reassurance from others about how you look? Do you fixate on your face, nose, wrinkles, hair, skin breast size, muscle tone or genitalia. But all these dysmorphic ideas have no evidence in reality.

As these ideas continue to grow, they can start to appear in experiences such as eating disorders. Eating disorders show up as anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder (BED), and four other feeding and eating disorders. Dysmorphia also can play a part in depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, substance abuse, behavioral health issues, and disfigurement due to repeated surgical interventions. I’m sure you can think of people in the news that have suffered from at least one of these. It is not hard to see how one can go from being preoccupied with the apparent flaws your body has to being on this list. These problems are very common in fact there are more than 3 million cases per year in the US alone.

Body dysmorphia is based on the thought of how others view them. It is about fears that you have. You fear the things you believe others will see in you. It is a good practice to include journaling, breathing, and meditation. Your ideas once written down will be observed and you will more easily be able to move past them. Once written down you might be able to see how the view you have accepted is just perceived and not as real as you originally gave it credit. Rid yourself of things that cause you to have low self-esteem. If clothing doesn’t fit you well donate it. If friends or relatives bring you feelings of not being good enough, put some distance between you and them.

You may be comparing yourself constantly with others. You may set unrealistic goals for yourself. Instead of trying to set up outcome related goals make better choices on what you eat. Eat less processed foods and more fruits and vegetables. Eat with mindfulness.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Ken:

All right today we have Jaclyn Phillips. She is a photographer, she owns an event venue, and she is an author. Her first book “Comfortably Uncomfortable” was just released. Welcome to the show Jacquelyn.

Jacquelyn:

Thanks for having me.

Ken:

You're welcome so let's go ahead and get into this tell me about who you were in the beginning and how you got to this place?

Jacquelyn:

So, prior to where I'm at today I spent a good portion of my years on this planet, keep in mind, I'm not even 40 yet, really just miserable. I took life in a scorched-earth approach. I assume that every interaction was a potential threat. I went about pushing others away and making myself a 1-man band. It's not a way to live. It's painful and it’s a lonely way to live. I had a really rough childhood and so I had developed all of these ways of managing, that weren’t helping or providing me fulfillment. I often felt myself just tired of being the broken toy in the corner. Which I wasn't, it was a really poor mental state to be in. I had invested in myself and I decided that I didn't want to live that life any more. So, I hired a Life coach, a regular therapist, a trauma therapist and I got meds. I started getting exercise. I put all of this effort into finding out who I really was. the happy person that was buried in there, who has been wanting to break out all along but didn't know how. Today I share my story and I do my best to help others.

I have talked with you about the importance of nutrition in many of our episodes. I have found a clinically proven product that I drink one packet a day and it gives my body all the micronutrients I need. This is an all-natural product you will love. The packet is filled with superfoods and all their nutrients. Best of all it comes with a 100% Money back guarantee, so there is no risk. Many doctors are now recommending this. Start your day like I do with a packet of nutrition. You are going to want to try this. Goto https://kengerber.kyani.com/ Then if you would like to become a business partner contact me. Join me in having Kyani each day to improve your health!

Jacquelyn also answers these questions. Listen to the podcast!

You’ve said in the book that improving communication with your husband was key to your journey, how did you do that?

What are your thoughts on social media and mental health? Any tips to keep it in perspective?

If there were only three truths that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life?

What is the best way for folks to connect with you and buy your book?

Web:

GrownUpGrowingPains.com, Insta: @grownupgrowingpains, FB: /Grownupgrowingpains

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Porn affects people in many different ways. But some of the big problems are that it can replace real interaction with others, it can setup body dysmorphia and unrealistic ideas about sex. In over 85 studies they have linked poor mental and emotional health to porn use. These effects can range from brain fog to social anxiety, depression to flashbacks. Eating disorders are on the rise with young folks and cause more deaths than any other mental illness. This idea of idealized notions of body image are a huge problem and are fed from most marketing as well as adult pictures and movies. Porn use has been found to cause a noticeable reduction in grey matter in key areas of the brain. These are all found in research studies yet these studies do not get much attention in the media.

After Covid many people are lonelier than ever before. At the same time there has been a steep climb in depression, anxiety, and adult material. Pornhub a giant website has reported a 22% increase after covid hit. Lewd movies and pictures are what many look to as a form of connection and a way of coping with covid. But has it had the effect they were counting on? People who are often feeling greater levels of distress, anxiety, loneliness, or depression report a greater desire to seek out pornography. No one can argue that there is a great abundance of those emotions going around at this time. The release felt from the use of pornography and masturbation is likely to give a temporary relief from those emotions.

So, if the answer is that they can affect mental health, this means we have to look inside ourselves and see if it is affecting us the way we want. If not, one of the things to focus on is how do we gain the connection we want in these times? The truth is we all have an innate hardwired ability to seek out a community. This ability to connect is what allows us to make it as a species.

I have talked with you about the importance of nutrition in many of our episodes. Goto https://kengerber.kyani.com/

Just because a strong connection is vital and natural does not mean that it is not difficult at times to create. Many people concentrate on communication. They feel if they are communicating their ideas then they are connecting. This is not actually the case, communication and connection are not the same. Think about a time when you were in a room filled completely with people you might have talked with a number of them and yet you felt alone. This is because connection is not an exchange of information but is an exchange of humanity and emotion. World-renowned speaker Sean Stephenson said “That’s when connection takes place: the moment we feel that somebody cares about us, we’re open to learning from them.” Is it possible to connect, to exchange humanity and emotion through X-rated content?

How do we exchange our humanity and our emotions? There are a few simple steps to start.

1. Use people's names
2. Eye contact
3. Ask for others' opinions
4. Use appropriate touch

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The effects that Trauma has on you is very real. Sometimes we don’t even know that trauma has occurred. It could be that it has been blocked from memory. It could be that you just don’t understand or have recognized it. So, let’s answer the question: what is trauma? Trauma is an experience that leaves a lasting negative impact on your behaviors, relationships, thoughts, or feelings. They can come from a list that is still incomplete as there are still people around. Trauma can come from experiences, you might be experiencing them if you have had to deal with abuse, death, loss, or betrayal. Just as each of us can have something different cause the trauma but each person can experience it differently. It is not helpful to compare or contrast yourself with anyone around you. It is important for us to recognize what the triggers are. Then how you experience and respond to what has happened to you.

In order to move past a trauma, you must first be out of the situation. You must be safe before any type of healing can happen. Safety means you have a place where you will not be re-traumatized. It also means that you will feel loved and accepted. A “Safe Place” is one free from bias, abuse of any kind, conflict, criticism, or potentially threatening actions, ideas, conversations or violence. You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be in a place that you feel no abuse or violence in. Do you have a safe place to go to leave behind the traumas that you have faced? Do you have a strong and compassionate person that can lead you safely through the experience, and remove the memories from every part of your body?

Another way to overcome PTSD is to get healthy. This means eating and drinking the correct things. It also means movement. I know I sound like a broken record, but movement, sleep, and healthy eating have a huge impact on most every part of your life. Reducing or removing caffeinated and sugary tasting drinks will make a difference that you will mostly likely not expect. Inflammatory foods contribute to feelings of anxiety and restlessness. Reducing sugar can help. Movement creates the right hormones and transmitters in your body to help you feel happier. Getting healthy will put you on the road to happiness.

I have talked with you about the importance of nutrition in many of our episodes. Goto https://kengerber.kyani.com/

There are alternatives to medications that can also be used. Medications have down sides and they cause side effects. Medications may cause vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, weight gain, drowsiness, sedation, constipation, and dry mouth. Now herbal treatments can reduce anxiety and depression and are less likely to have side effects. Feverfew and butterbur can be used to treat migraines associated with PTSD. Drinking the following teas may be able to contribute to reducing anxiety and stress: peppermint, turmeric, ginger, Ashwagandha, Kava Kava, Chamomile, passion flower, lemon balm, and rose tea. These natural options can be helpful with overcoming PTSD.

Working through the trauma is also a big help in overcoming PTSD. While working through the traumatic events you will want to work through them on a cellular level throughout your body. This will get rid of the memories. This will help you to overcome the hard-wired survival strategies based on flight, flight, freeze or please responses are hard to break away from. Without overcoming the trauma on a cellular level, you could still fall back into old mind-body-brain patterns.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Burn out, I’m betting you know what it is. I mean who hasn’t experienced more stress over the last year? Burnout is one of the psychological terms that is familiar to the public. Let’s look back in 2019. You spent 10 to 12 hours a day outside of your house. Your kids were gone each and every day for that same time period. Evenings and weekends you spent with friends and family members. You went to the gym, movie theaters and restaurants. You were busy but mostly happy. Then in March of 2020 everything changed. Maybe you started working or attending school remotely, or having your kids home schooled or just home more, maybe your income dropped or you lost a job. It could have been that you lost people, or just did not have the social network that we had before Covid. It may be that you have not seen one of your best friends for over 1 year. Maybe you are a healthcare worker and you have been working overtime, seeing more death and pain than you had in the past. You could be one of the 61% of adults or the 82% of Generation Z that said they needed more emotional support. WHO (World Health Organization) found in a research study that mental health matters including suicide are likely to become a bigger concern in the near future? They stated they will peak later and last longer than Covid. Burnout is now considered an Medical diagnosis by the WHO. What you may not know is “burnout” is a new thing. The term was coined first in 1974 by Herbert Freudenberger in his book The High cost of Achievement. Yet, it can be felt on every continent and in every climb. It does not discriminate by race or nationality. Despite being a new term there are so many people that understand it and feel its effects. How has burnout affected you?

Let’s get into how burnout feels. You could be feeling frustrated with work, and unhappy about the people you work with and the conditions you work in. Maybe your performance is way down and you find hours going by with very little to show for it. You might have symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches or intestinal issues. Burnout can often cause people to feel drained, unable to cope and tired. How many of those are you feeling? Number one thing is for you to stay here on this earth. I want you here! If you are having suicidal thoughts contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911. The number one thing is to stay safe. I care about each of you and want you here so we can be together tomorrow.

I have talked with you about the importance of nutrition in many of our episodes. Goto https://kengerber.kyani.com/

The way to conquer burnout is by building good habits into our lives. Habits that promote wellness and reduce stress.

1. Structure
2. Take Breaks
3. Connection
4. Movement
5. Control what you can

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We have Johnnie Urban with Wonderful Life Learning Company and Sensitive Authentic Speaker. Johnnie helps people power their message, attract clients. She makes a difference by teaching people to convert easily and expand their business. Welcome to Your amazing Life, Johnnie thanks for being here

Ken: Tell us who you were in the beginning and how you got to where you are now?

Johnnie: A new highly certified Life Success Coach struggling to grow my business. I was told to network and tell everyone I knew that I could help them. It was exhausting going all over the place for my message to fall on deaf ears. I decided that I needed to learn some public speaking skills and messaging so I would be able to grow my coaching business easier. Going from speaking to one person at a time to many people at once was brilliant. Ten years ago, several coaches asked me to hold a class and teach them what I knew. I never thought I’d still be teaching it today.

Ken: What was the most “uncomfortable” or difficult change you had to make?

Johnnie: Accepting that my body is different now. It’s never going to go back to the way it was before. I was angry at everyone and anything. It was important that I must forgive my body for what I perceived was letting me down. When in reality it actually gave me a better life.

Ken: Do you have any skills or talents that most people don’t know about?

Johnnie: I am an open book. Yet recently I realized that I love treasure hunting, always have. I can see things other people miss. The one thing I don’t share much with people is that I can actually see and feel people and animal energy. I use this skill when I am working with people to be able to help them at a deeper level.

I have talked with you about the importance of nutrition in many of our episodes. Goto https://kengerber.kyani.com/

Ken: What does it take to have an amazing life?

Johnnie: Mindset. Non-Negotiable sense of humor.

Ken: If you could only leave three statements for this world and your kids what three things would you leave?

Johnnie: Stick with the mentors who bring out your greatness not your crazy! There is always a way!

Johnnie: Places we can find you: LinkedIn: Johnnie Urban Mentor, FB/Instagram Johnnie Urban Mentor,

Ken: Johnnie I want to recognize you for being authentic. You then show others how to be authentic and to bring out their best selves. We need that today.

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I want to start by telling a story. By Kent Nerburn

I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partiers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or someone going off to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.

When I arrived at the address, the building was dark except for a single light in a ground-floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a short minute, then drive away. Too many bad possibilities awaited a driver who went up to a darkened building at 2:30 in the morning.

But I had seen too many people trapped in a life of poverty who depended on the cab as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation had a real whiff of danger, I always went to the door to find the passenger. It might, I reasoned, be someone who needs my assistance. Would I not want a driver to do the same if my mother or father had called for a cab?

“How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said.

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other passengers,” I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. “You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”

There was nothing more to say. I squeezed her hand once, then walked out into the dim morning light. Behind me, I could hear the door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I did not pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the remainder of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? What if I had been in a foul mood and had refused to engage the woman in conversation? How many other moments like that had I missed or failed to grasp?

We are so conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unawares. When that woman hugged me and said that I had brought her a moment of joy, it was possible to believe that I had been placed on earth for the sole purpose of providing her with that last ride.

Now the thing about this story is all the little things he did that were out of the norm. Going up to the door at 2:30 AM, going back to help walk the lady out to the cab, driving around experiencing and celebrating the lady's life. So, the question I have is how do we make this experience one that we can expect to have? In my life I have had some similar experiences and each time they have started out with small things. Stopping and helping a homeless person, or smiling and asking someone how they are holding up. Sometimes the experience takes a few minutes, sometimes it takes a couple hours. But each time the wonderful life changing experience was based on small steps that lead to another small step. We are often so busy looking for the large experiences that we miss the small ones that would make the difference.

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Our brain is set up with what is known as a Reticular Activating System. What the heck is that you are probably asking. Well, it is a network of neurons in your brain. Check out this info by Mel Robbins. The job of this system is to filter out experiences, sights and sounds. You see there is too much stimulus for us to take in with our conscious mind. So, this system runs in the subconscious. Without this system we would not be here and we would not have survived as a species. We cannot make sense of this world with all of the stimuli out there if we don’t filter it down. We need the Reticular Activating System sort through the info and bring it down to a feasible chunk size that we can interpret. But that system keeps info from getting to your consciousness. So, if you have ever had the experience where you were looking for the salt and you are unable to see it. You ask “where is the salt?” You hear the answer “it is in the cupboard” and you say “no I’m looking in the cupboard and it is not there.” They come up beside you, reach into the cupboard you are looking at and grab the salt and hand it to you. That is the Reticular Activating System doing its job.

How does this work with emotions or feelings? Let’s look at those of you who feel unlovable. Well guess what you are filtering out all the experiences or things that are in front of your eyes that would help you to feel loved by this reticular activating system (RAS). See this system will put at the forefront of your conscious mind all evidence that can be construed as fulfilling the belief or filter you have set up. If you believe you are not liked at work the reticular activating system will be looking for evidence to back up that belief and it is the only thing that it will let the conscious mind, see. You see what you see because of what you believe. The belief has to come first. “Believing is seeing” according to the evidence and scientific work done on the RAS.

I get that this RAS is important but how does this apply to the habits of the most successful people. The answer is successful people purposefully program the RAS. They do this through visualization. When doing visualization, they close their eyes. Then in those visualizations they see a specific picture of what it looks like in your life when yourself worth has improved. You visualize how you speak up more because of your feelings of self-worth. You will see yourself being connected, defining boundaries, and feeling complete. You are going to see the value that you have. You will see yourself doing the things that will get you to the life you want. In that vision state.

The next thing that you will do after visualizing the specific purpose is to consciously think of the positive emotions you will experience. You will see yourself happy, healthy, and strong. You will know that you will stand taller. That you will be able to share your unique gifts with this world because of knowing who you are. Doing this is actually training your brain to have a totally different filter. If you can make it a complete experience with senses and emotions your brain will process them the same way. There is no difference to your brain between real and imagined experiences. When you visualize this way, it encodes it as a real memory. As you visualize in this way you will gain more confidence, security, and the actual skill needed to do it.

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Did I get your attention with that title? This seemed like a great follow-up to last week's podcasts. Maybe you think that there is no way to find a solution to every problem. Maybe you think not every problem has a solution. But the question was worded carefully. The qualifier “your” makes all the difference in this statement. The simple truth is there is a solution to your every problem. The solution when I put it out there is not one that will excite you. Maybe you won’t even want to admit that is the solution. If once I put this out and you have some resistance to the answer, I hope you will look into that resistance. Find out where the resistance comes from and why you are feeling it? It doesn’t matter if you believe the solution. It is real no matter how much you question it. There is a solution to all of your problems.

How can I be the solution? You are probably asking. I’m doubting that you are comfortable in hearing that you are the solution to all your problems. If you are the solution, why is it that you still have problems? “There is no problem outside of you that is superior to the power within you.” said Bob Proctor, another mentor of mine. I know quite a few people that do not want to believe that they are the solution; they would rather see others outside of them and things that happen to them as a villain and themselves as a victim. Think about all those you know look to others to be the solution. Bosses, government, family members, church leaders they are a victim to all. Do you know anyone like that? How many of them get what they want and how many are happy? Do they have the life you want to have? You are the solution because you are the one with the power. The power is yours you can choose to be the solution you can choose to give up your power to others. It is all your choice.

So how to become the solution. 1st devise a whole list of solutions that might work for the problem that you want solved. Come up with at least 10 possible solutions. You do not want to come up with one or two try them over and over and say see I told you nothing works. This is an important part. Do not judge the ideas you come up with. Write down all of them without judgement. Make each solution different from the others. Be specific with behaviors. You might even ask others whom you can trust for advice on solutions.

You have such power within you. You do not need any more than you have to implement what you want. If you move forward. If you put in the effort, you can create happiness in your life. If you can look around and see anyone else that has come from a place like yours and has become happy then you too have that ability.

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We have Rich Cardona. Rich is an amazing Personal Brand and Video Strategist. He is also a podcast host of the “Leadership Locker” and a retired Captain in the Marine Corps; Welcome to the Your Amazing Life show.

It's a long-long road full of switchbacks and uphill climbs as a personal branding and video strategist. It kind of started when I made a very very conscious choice to leave the job, I was in. I was working for Amazon at the time I had spent two years there after the Marine Corps. It’s a pun but I worked at a fulfillment center and it was very unfulfilling. I didn't like it at all, I was able to work hard which appealed to me. But I didn't realize how it was affecting the rest of my life. You know things were getting out of control, I wasn't myself, my family suffered, I suffered. It is just one of those situations in life, where you're just kind of stopped in your tracks and everything around you is telling you that this is just not going to work anymore. It was not where you need to be, this is not how you are going to make a living. So, I quit, my wife gave me permission to quit, I like to say. She supported that decision fully and we all moved in with her parents. We moved from a nice big Texas home into her parents' home in rural Virginia. Then I started exploring things I wanted to do. It sounds ridiculous. I was 38 and I just started exploring what I wanted to do as if I was a teenager. But at the same time, I feel any weight, any pressure because of the support, not to say that I was free-loading or anything like that, but I had every intention of determining what it was and what I wanted to do. Time went on and I had planned on being there like 2 months, it ended up being 6 months. But by doing that I was able to find out exactly what I needed to be doing and that was shining a light on executives, entrepreneurs, and business owners. Many of whom had no video content and I started by simply recording and posting some interviews that I had done with some of my mentors so I could build a following. Then I just realized why aren't these leaders posting on LinkedIn, why aren't they posting here. How many people could benefit from hearing what they have to say and their experience. They are not pitching, they’re not talking about work, not selling anything. They are just talking.

In this episode Rich Cardona talks about who he was in the beginning and how he got to where he is now?

Tell me about the importance of vision and how do people get there?

What was the most “uncomfortable” or difficult change you had to make?

Rich also answers the questions

Do you have any skills or talents that most people don’t know about?

What does it take to have an amazing life?

If there were only three ideas that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life?

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

https://www.linkedin.com/in/richcardona/

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Times might seem like they are tough right now. There is much going on in the world. Many things have never been so divided and things have never been such a global problem as they are today. Covid death rate in the US has gone down since anytime since covid started. But India has over 350 thousand confirmed new cases a day and almost 4,000 deaths a day. There is no place where there are people on this earth that has not been affected. But it has not affected every place equally, places like India are getting hit harder than others like Greenland. Then if we look at the individual lives and how they have been affected. You might be suffering from unemployment. You might not have the money you need for essentials. You might be lonely and have been by yourself for the last year and a half. Maybe you have lost loved ones or family to sickness or unrest. There are multiple reasons that can cause suffering right now.

“Peaks and valleys are connected. The errors you make in today’s good time create tomorrow’s bad time. The wise thing you do in today’s bad times creates tomorrow's good times.” Spencer Johnson MD. I was the man who lived in the valley for years and years. The valleys are the moments when you long for something that is not in your life. When we think this is a tough time then we are in the valley. There was a group on LinkedIn that I am a part of and they were talking about a post. “Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” averstu.com. One of the people asked about the difference between genuine and toxic positivity. What they were talking about was the peaks and valleys.

So, if that is the case how do we change the labels and get to the peaks in life? Well for changing the memories throughout the body tools like the one that Tyler Watson shared with us works great. In dealing with your “story” be creative with your labels. This even works with the death of someone close to you. I get that they will be missed. Some of you might even think that they left before they should have. But those are labels. It can be hard with that kind of loss and that experience can create huge and long-lasting grief. It is not that we can be happy about the loss but we can be grateful for the time we had together. We can look at what we got from the relationship instead of what we lost. This goes back to a statement I have been telling people for quite a while. I have used it to explain why I want to keep my religious beliefs but it can go deeper than that. “If I am wrong about the way I choose to think and feel I would rather be wrong and feel happy and complete then be right in what I think and feel and be miserable.”

For many of us when tough times come, we want to blame others and the experiences. We then tend to withdraw from others. We look to find people that will bemoan our situation with us. We think about the problem over and over and we do not move our bodies. All of those things are the exact opposite of what would get us over those.

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I’m betting a few of you also deal with this. For me it gets this way sometimes. I think oh it isn’t working or I can’t do it. Those and a host of other negative thoughts start in on me. They crash through my consciousness through all my waking moments, they overpower my rationale. Right now, this has been affecting me. I have not felt like writing and producing the podcast. Has the podcast changed? Has my ability to write changed? No of course not. There has been nothing that has changed my ability. No, the problem has come from my expectations. I have been dreaming of different experiences. I want more or different outcomes from those that I am receiving. Well, will quitting get me the outcomes I want? No of course not. But how many of you think rationally about things when your expectations aren’t being met? Come on there has to be one or two of you out there that have experienced this.

So why is it that we feel this way? Let’s look into why failure is scary. Well, what are the emotional consequences we have tied to failure? Maybe they are a reflection of our abilities and our self-worth? I mean ME tie my Income into my Self Worth, No way right.? We don’t do that. Remember when we talked about Sarah Blakley in episode 165. I don’t know about you but I have not been celebrating my failure this last week. But how many times can I fail before it is time to quit is the question. If a dream is not materializing at, what point do you decide to give up rather than to keep fighting? Which is harder to keep going or to quit? My life it has always been easier to quit. It doesn’t matter how many hours I have invested. It is difficult to keep going when the investment you make doesn’t equal the outcome you expect.

How do we celebrate the experience whether the expectation is met or not? If we celebrate the experience instead of the win, we can change the influence of our performance. For us stuck in this program we are feeling the performance = worth. Maybe you were told that like I was my expectations are about the performance that I make. I also have expectations about my worth. I hit myself with a double whammy. I have these expectations on both sides of worth and performance. These expectations are what limit my belief and confidence.

Here again we can change our view. We can change our view of our failures. We can put new meaning to them. Our failures can just be experiences that give us feedback on things that need tweaking. We, like Edison, can say “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Is your current view of failure working for you? Does it get you what you want? If not, maybe you also need to change your view and to adopt Sarah Blakley or Thomas Edison's view of failure. Look at “failure” or life’s “disasters” as another way that doesn’t work so find an alternative path. Those who are successful are able to reframe their “failures.” They move forward and find a different way to get to the goal. If you are driving from New York to California There are many ways that can get you to your destination. If there is a storm and the road you are on is closed and flooded or under construction. You could stop and bemoan the fact that you are stuck or you can turn and drive one way or the other till you get to the next open road. This will get you to your destination. The trip might take more time. It might include quite a bit of changing directions. Maybe you even have to backtrack. But you don’t have to be stopped.

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I'm sure you have been there, you know you need help, you want help, but the fear of asking for it is too great. It is easier to just sit there and suffer than to open yourself up and ask for help. It could be a project at work or something in your life. But asking for help is the hardest thing for many of us to do. Maybe you see yourself as someone who helps others. It could be that want others to see you as strong. It could be that you see asking for help as weakness. There are a lot of misconceptions. Maybe you don’t see yourself as worthy of the help that you need or you think you will brother or be a drain on others. I’m sure there are more reasons and whatever yours is, you just set their suffering without asking.

The truth is that humans are a pack or social being. We are designed to work together. We could not survive on our own as we developed as a race. We need help because it may be something too big and heavy for one person; like trying to lift or move a grand piano by yourself. How many of you would even attempt that? Maybe it is just something outside your wheelhouse, something you do not have the skill or talent to do. But trying to accomplish these tough things on your own will lead to feelings of being alone. Even though asking for help may seem difficult it is what will serve and support you. It is what you are hardwired to do. This is how we survived on this planet. You could not kill a lion or bison on your own. It took a team. Nothing great in history has been done without a team. You are not meant to be alone. You are not the only one who suffers. By asking for help others can get the idea that it is okay for them to also ask. It is because of our need to be together, that asking creates a bond.

The most important question I think we can answer today is; How do we ask for help? To start with “We Must Ask” using words. Mind reading is not something that we can rely on. Asking out loud for what we need is very important. The correct way to ask, is just to be honest and tell them that you need help, and what you need help with. It is important to say it with confidence and be straightforward also. Using honesty, confidence and being straightforward gives people a feeling that you can be trusted. It lets them know that you want their help and you think highly of them and their abilities to help you overcome the problem. You might find the person you asked for help has a deeper understanding of the problem than you expected. Maybe they too have dealt with it or something close to it in their life. Asking will help you understand that you are not alone! It will bring you closeness with those that you ask.

Some tools to use before asking someone for help. First know your audience before making the request. Is this a person that will know how to help? Will they have the knowledge and be able to explain to me how to get past the problem? Will they see the need I have? Do they care enough to put in the effort to help me find the answer? Next tool is to formulate the words and questions you want answered before you go and ask. This goes back to the straightforward part. If you stumble around and do not know how to ask the question It will be very difficult for someone to understand the problem and help you find a solution.

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Ken:

We have Christopher Salem, today and I am so excited about this. Christopher is an Executive Coach, Corporate Trainer, Amazing Keynote speaker, Radio show host, and an international best seller award winning writer. Welcome to the Show Christopher! What was it that happened that started this journey for you?

Christopher:

This goes back 22 years ago roughly almost 22 years ago today. I had a life-changing moment that happened between myself and my father. You know prior to that my life was really out of control, my business was up and down. I lived in the effect of the issues I was dealing with. I was constantly in fight or flight mode. I had struggled 12 years from addiction, at the time. I just thought I was just dealt the wrong deck of cards and that's how I felt. I was a victim of life and I didn't really understand how to go about and navigate. I did know I grew up codependently in a dysfunctional home. I just knew my life wasn’t working out. what I knew now all of this is in hindsight I didn't know what was going on other than my life wasn't working out. I was struggling with 12 years of addiction to alcohol, sex, and drugs. As a result of that this life changing event was my father had been diagnosed with cancer and he was given a year-and-a-half to live. He ended up dying 4 months into his diagnosis. I remember the day before he died, I remember him looking over at me but he couldn't talk. His eyes were somewhat open but it was like he was really there. Yet in a way he was, it was just in a different way. It was like him communicating to me. Saying listen I apologize; I wasn't the dad that you were looking for or expected. I did the best I could, I only could give what I knew, and that for some reason hit me in a way that I never imagined.

Ken:

All right we are back with Christopher Salem and we talked about how his journey started and we talked about how meditation and journaling became a big part of his life. Now tell me about your Master Your Inner Critic book and the seven steps to eradicate the root of the problem?

Christopher:

So, Master Your Inner Critic is a book I wrote about five years ago now. Master Your Inner Critic outlines the process of knowing that our inner critic is that internal voice that speaks to us from limiting beliefs. It can convince us that we're not worthy, or not enough, and that we are everything that our limiting beliefs define us to be. Which is completely in an illusion and false. So, resolving the root cause is like with anything else. If you have cancer, you take out the tumor. You have to make sure you get the tumor at the root. You want to get all of the cells from that tumor that may still be there. Because otherwise the cancer can come back. It is the same thing with limited beliefs, you got to get to the root cause to eradicate it. Then use a process to sustain it, this is where the 8 pillars of wellness come in. They allow us to find that work life harmony some people sometimes call it balance. But when you think about it as balance, is there really such a thing as balance in life? No. It is more of harmony. It is a seesaw, teetering.

Ken:

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

Christopher:

christophersalem.com

efamovement.org

chris@christophersalem.com

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The whole point of this podcast is to help you build a life that you dream of. I am giving out tips and tricks every day. Today I want to get to some basics. There are four things that are required for you to have in order for you to build the life that you want! So, let's look at them.

The first is Competence. Competence means you have the ability to do something well. In life it is important to be able to perform a task or project effectively. Now some people have competence due to God given talents. Others develop competence through practice and study to develop those skills. It doesn’t matter how you gain the competence. Competence is straightforward and transparent. If you want to become competent at something that is not a talent, you can by study and practice. Now if you choose competencies that build on talents it takes less time and can move you farther ahead.

The second one is Confidence. Confidence in yourself will help you to level up. It is the knowledge that provides a feeling of security. Being confident requires a realistic sense of your capabilities. You need to have confidence that you can handle any emotional outcomes that you may face. The problem is people will first look to our confidence to see if we are capable. Then after a time of watching us they will form their own opinion but it will still be tainted by the belief they saw in us. So having confidence in our abilities is very important to help us feel safe and secure. Confidence is important, when we have it for ourselves others look at us differently.

The third thing is Choice. You need the freedom to act in the thing that you have competence and confidence in. If you are unable to choose to do something you are good at you will not have a great life. There are some things that people are somewhat competent in and they develop confidence around them because of the competence. But at times they are things that have been chosen for them. Maybe they were chosen for them by a spouse or parent, maybe they were chosen for them by circumstances. It doesn’t matter if you are doing something that you are competent and confident in but you didn’t have the freedom to choose. It is likely that you will not be as happy as you would be if you had the ability to choose what you did.

Number four is Connectedness. Many of us have been missing this as of late. Maybe you have seen a dip in your happiness that has corresponded with your lack of connectedness. According to Stanford Medicine a strong social connection leads to a 50% increased chance of longevity. They also have lower levels of anxiety and depression. It is not about the number of friends that you have you could have 1,000 and yet feel disconnected from them. Or you could have 3 friends and feel very connected. This last year it has been very difficult for people to connect.

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Right now, things have been tough pretty much all over the world. We have had Covid 19, Fires, floods, famine, freezing temps, and now the biggest drought in recorded history for the mountain west. Plus, we have had riots and civil unrest. Some of these have been only in the US but most of them have been world problems. It has been a challenging time for many people the world over. Many people have been mistreated and abused. During this time there are opportunities. “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” ― Albert Einstein. During this time, you have the chance to make changes and find solutions. That is what comes in these times of conflict and challenge that we all are going through.

There are important things to keep in mind during this time. When times get tuff many people forget what they have overcome. They become sad and or gloomy. They start to believe things will never change. That they will be unable to overcome these problems. Those who take on these feelings often get stuck and are unable to move past the challenge. But keep in mind that challenges and conflict are at the beginning of change.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Stay positive: “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope is what makes the difference.” – Virginia Satir
2. Bad times end: Throughout history, the tough times have ended.
3. Learn from the inopportune times: “Facing difficulties is inevitable, learning from them is optional” – John Maxwell.
4. Picture past difficult situations and realize that even though you didn’t feel like you would ever get past that you did.
5. It is okay to ask for help: There are people in your life who would be anxious to help if only they knew how and when too.
6. Focus on what you can control: You are setting yourself up to be miserable when you focus on things outside of your control.
7. Build up your support group: Like we talked about in episode 202. Positive people will give you a support system that is authentic and helpful.
8. Forgive: Forgiveness is not for the one that caused the pain, it is the way you release the pain from inside of you.
9. Be kind and take care of yourself. Do things that make you happy. This is a time when a hike or walk in the park can help.
10. Be Grateful: Make a list with everything you can think of that you can be thankful for including the lessons that life has helped you to learn.

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So, this post was on my feed. "I have a husband who helps, but that doesn't mean I was 'so lucky to find a man like that.' Yes, I'm lucky to have him. But him being what a father and husband should be is not the main reason. ⁣⁣When I tell others; I'm going away for a weekend to meet up with friends, he's cooking dinner tonight, or he took them grocery shopping without me, or he cleaned up and did the laundry, the people I’m talking to look like I've told them a ghost story. Then comes the, 'Oh my god, you're so lucky! I need to borrow him. I need a man like that.'

The thing is we're a team. I pick up after him, he picks up after me, and we take turns looking after the kids so we both get a break. ⁣⁣Being in a relationship, especially with kids, takes a ton of work, from both sides.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣When he comes home from work, he plays with the kids so I can make dinner. Then I'll play with the kids while he cleans up the kitchen. I make dinners on the weeknights, and he makes breakfast every weekend morning. ⁣⁣We both have each other's backs. We both do our share of 'work' at home and with the kids. That's the way it should be. ⁣I'm not lucky to have him because he does what a father should be doing. I'm lucky to have him because of the person he is. And who I am when I'm with him." Now this is a marvelous post. And I wanted to break it down and go over it.

Let’s look at the first paragraph. It talks about being lucky but not because of the actions that he makes as a father or husband. Being a father and husband mean different things to different people, in different places and at different times. But let us look at the big picture and see what we can find. Most will agree that a father is responsible for the welfare of his wife and children. This can be for things like a roof over their heads, clothing, shoes, food and education. That is only a small part of what total welfare is.

So now let’s move to the second part of the post. Only in shared responsibilities can you have the opportunity to take a moment to catch your breath on the bench. Life, especially with kids, takes a ton of work. Parenting is meant to be a tag team. When one of you is down on the mat, you slap their hand and jump in to save them. This is what builds a strong relationship. This builds trust in one another. If you care about your spouse or child; You have to jump into the game. Families need to be a team. They need to work together. Fathers cannot be the coach setting on the sideline, no they need to be on the field side by side with the rest of the team. They can be a leader on the team. But if they are not on the team the team will not win. Here are some stats. Without a strong father, children are at 2X’s greater risk of obesity, a 4Xs greater risk of poverty, and 7X’s more likely to become pregnant as a teen. If you think one person can’t make a difference then look at the proof of what a father can do. Check out the National Fatherhood Initiative. A fathers' nurturing presence helps children mentally, socially and emotionally. Take responsibility for changing this world! Take the responsibility of being a father to your children.

I want to go over this last sentence one more time. “I'm lucky to have him because of the person he is. And who I am when I'm with him.” This is the type of relationship that I hope you have! This is the kind of relationship I want to help you create.

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Tad Stevens impresses me as a marketing strategy guru, He is fantastic at online advertising! He is a SCORE Mentor. He puts his money, where his mouth is with an incredible money back guarantee. He does exceptional high-ticket funnels in 15 days. Help me welcome Tad, it is great to have you with us today.

Ken: So, Tad, everyone wants an amazing life but not everyone gets there, what do you think it takes to get to an amazing life?

Tad: That is an interesting question because just a while back I was trying to answer that in a way that honestly, I could deliver to my audience that made sense and had a catchy acronym. I never got it to the catchy acronym but I came up with “FEAD” That stands for focus, empathy, articulation, and decisiveness. What I've seen in my coaching, my mentoring over the last several years and with me. Is if those four things aren't in alignment, then you generally don't get there. Most of the people that are doing those four aren't thinking about it. They are not consciously thinking, I got to be focused today, they just know. I got to be focused and I got a care about the people that I am selling to so I really understand what their needs are so I can provide that solution. Then I got to be able to articulate it. If I can’t articulate my offer no one will take me up on it because they don’t know what I offer. Then I have to be decisive. I have to make moves right or wrong. I got to move.

Ken: It is so easy to get caught up in what's new and glamorous right I mean there is all over the place.

Tad: Shiny Object syndrome is alive and well.

Ken: So, Tad what skills or talents do you have that most people don't know about?

Tad: I made a lot of mistakes, one of my favorite quotes is and I’ll probably butcher it but it goes something to the effect of: I have no special talents or innate talents, I'm just passionately curious. What I have found in my interviews on my podcast on my show. Cuz, I ask people a similar question. I found that people that are successful by their definition have passion for what they are doing. It is what gets them out of bed in the morning. It’s not the money, the money is important, but it’s what they are doing. They really like it. In fact, I was talking to a guy yesterday who has a $100,000 coaching program. It takes a year, you sign up, he offers progress payments but it's 100 Grand. That is a niche audience and he was talking to one of his clients and they were asking how much coaching he did online” He said I’m coaching through zoom most of the day, they said “oh man, how can you do that?” The client asked a question which identified that he didn't understand. What the coach was doing and what we were doing would have been work to the client. He didn't know that it was passion and what the coach loves.

Ken: Thanks for all that information, where can our listeners go to find you?

Tad: They can find my podcast Micro Success Secrets or search any of the major networks and we pop right up. They can also go to our website.

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So mental health issues are a bigger threat than covid. We touched on this in episode 197 depression affects more than 18 million adults in the US and is the primary cause of disability for ages 15-44. So, in the last year according to the CDC the US has had 569,771 deaths related to covid as of the time I wrote this. That is less than 2% die from having covid. According to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Suicide is 10th leading cause of death in the US. Individuals with serious mental illness (some studies estimate as many as two-thirds) are responsible for a disproportionate number of mass public killings.

So, the problem is the disconnection and depression that people feel in our world. How do we inoculate against those? We need to change our culture. We need to foster feelings of “you are not alone.” If we can get others to smile and help them feel happier or better than they did before we came into contact with them that is a change to this world. If we could get the message out there that they are important to us and them being alive is important to us we can change their world. We can change things by being there for others, and by helping them to know that they are cared for. We can be different, if we could ask” what can I do now to help you?” You have the chance to save more people than you know.

Now, I do not want to downplay the seriousness of the problem. Even if we all did this it would take more work to solve the issues but this would move us a lot farther ahead than we are and solve many of the problems. If we became compassionate listeners without trying to fix others, we could make a difference in the world. This is not just a one-time act. No, we need to become that type of person. Since those that are struggling tend to isolate, we need to reach out. What do you think showing you care would do to those around you? How would it change their lives? This is a serious problem. But if people felt loved and accepted many would not get into depression and some might be cured. It is something that you can do to help. It is a way you can make a difference in this world. This is a serious problem but you are part of the key to fixing it.

Other parts of society that we also need to change to affect these outcomes are the food and nutrition that we provide. We know what a devastating effect high fructose syrup has on people yet we still use it and we make it cheap. We use colorings that the body is not adept to deal with. We make readily available stimulants like caffeine, coffee and soda then we also make depressants like alcohol. These are consumed in great quantities maybe even daily and they play a big part in the mental health problem that we are struggling with.

There are so many tools that are available to help yet many of them do not produce income so they are overlooked or ignored. But each of us as an individual can make a difference.

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So, Evelyn and I were talking about a friend of ours that has a toxic attitude. My wife (Eve) is a very kind soul and many people come to her with their problems. She likes to be an example, and a leader, and to listen to them and provide feedback when appropriate. Well, this particular person they can’t find anything good out of life, they have nothing to be grateful for, and they are miserable. She has known this friend since high school and they have been in a tough place for years. The whole universe is against them. Eve has stuck by them and tried to be an example. The problem is they are content being miserable. They will not listen to any of the ideas Eve has. They know better and nothing will work for them. I’m sure there are only one or two people like that in the world so you might not know anyone like that (ha-ha.) If people have a toxic attitude what is the next step?

Is there a problem and why would you not want to be around someone like this? If you shut them out you can't be an example, right? Why not just listen to them drone on? It doesn’t hurt you, correct? I used to go crabbing when I lived in Oregon. Crabs are so yummy. But they are also interesting to study. If you put one in a bucket by itself it will climb out most of the time, they are resourceful on their own. But you can fill that same bucket up to almost full and none of the crabs will get out. The reason is that as one crab starts to get out one of the others will grab them and pull them back in. There are so many people that act this same way. They are so concerned with getting out of the bucket overcoming the negatives in their lives they will keep others there with them. Now this is not because they want you to be miserable.

The 5 reasons to be around positive people are:

1. Creates a support system: Positive people not only want to succeed they want you to succeed also. They will want to uplift you. They will lend you and ear, give you a shoulder to cry on. Then instead of commiserating with you they will help you move forward.
2. Positive people are also authentic: They will be there to offer you help and ideas to get you to where you want to be. They will be concerned with your wellbeing and what is important to you will be important to them. These relationships are based off of real love like we talked about last week.
3. Motivation: Being positive provides the desire to move forward. It inspires you to steer clear of drama and downward spirals. It persuades you to make better and healthier decisions. Positive people are imperative to help us navigate towards success.
4. Happiness: Positive people will bring happiness into your life. When surrounded by positive people the good times are easier to see and celebrate. Their happiness is contagious.
5. Influential: Humans tend to absorb the tendencies of those that we spend a lot of time with. When we surround ourselves with positive people, we see things differently. It impacts our souls and creates more opportunity.

If you are tired of suffering from negative people, harassment and being beat up. If you need help discovering tools to move on. Maybe you would love to have a supportive system. So that you can be a positive, happy, person again. If you want to struggle less and to experience motivation to enjoy more. If you want a truly amazing life that is connected and complete, you need the “you have value program” I would love to create who you are capable of.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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What is a powerful morning routine and how do you start one? Most of you start your day off alarmed as your phone buzzes next to the bed. You grab the phone, turn off the alarm, get up and throw on some clothes or a robe. You walk into the kitchen, grab some breakfast or coffee and start looking at your feed, email, and maybe the news to see what is going on in the world. Maybe you exercise, or get the kids off to school. Then you jump in the car, turn on some music or walk into the home office. There are a million different ways to start your day. Finding out what serves you best is important. I can’t give you an ideal routine that fits everyone as we are all a little different. But let’s look at some tools to build your amazing day.

Do you start your day with your focus hijacked? Looking at emails and checking voicemail? Looking at what fires need to be put out during the day. This helps you find out what requirements people have for you? Ron Friedman said in the Harvard Business Review, “What’s the first thing you do when you arrive at your desk? For many of us, checking email or listening to voicemail is practically automatic. In many ways, these are among the worst ways to start a day. Both activities hijack our focus and put us in a reactive mode, where other people’s priorities take center stage. They are the equivalent of entering a kitchen and looking for a spill to clean or a pot to scrub.” Do you start your day looking for a pot to scrub or do you plan your day?

If any of these things happen in the morning then your priorities are on the back burner from that point on. Mark Twain came up with a famous saying that has been backed by research time and again. Mark said “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” I interpret this to mean start with the biggest most important task, the ones that will make the most difference in your life first. In the planning meeting plan what frog to eat.

Steve Jobs said in a commencement address he gave in 2005 He stated “For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” What if today were your last day? Would you call in sick? Do you know what you would want to do? Do you dread Mondays and live for the weekends? If so, is security worth giving up 3/4ths of your life? Is there a way to live your life so that you love nearly every day? If you are tired of suffering through this and need help to get to where you want to go. Let’s talk.

There are three things that are important in a great morning routine.

1. Listen to your body talk: for creativity, sleep, food, exercise.
2. Disengage: Zero notifications from your phone at night
3. Make mornings about you: Use your amazing life, journals, meditating, stretching
4. Track your success.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Debbie Langley with Experience More Inc, is an Internet Entrepreneur, brilliant social media strategist, Wellness Mentor, Teacher, and Philanthropist. Thanks for being here today Debbie, welcome.

What makes your life amazing?

I think there are a number of things that make my life amazing. These include a positive outlook; willingness to try new things and to work hard; acceptance that failure is one step closer to my goals; and probably the most important is my faith that God is in the details of my life, He wants me to succeed.

Tell me what accomplishments your most proud of:

Raising my 6 children to be contributing, loving, service-oriented adults. I am extremely proud of my children and their families.

What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?

Probably my divorce after 32 years of marriage. All I had ever really wanted to be was a good wife and mother. It affected me in so many ways. I thought getting the divorce papers signed would allow me to move forward in my life. Unfortunately, it took almost 6 more years to have everything else finished.

Do you have any skills or talents that most people don’t know about?

When I was a teenager, I started managing one of my dad's garages. Besides being a manager, I was also an auto mechanic.

I am self-taught in many things. I believe in constantly learning.

In 2019, I graduated from college with 3 associate degrees. Two in IT, Business Intelligence and Database Administration and the other in integrated studies.

What does it take to have an amazing life?

It takes courage, bravery, and a can-do attitude. Life is always changing and we never really know what's ahead of us. If we have courage to face our obstacles, bravery to step into the unknown, and the attitude that we can do it, then nothing can stop us.

If there were only three ideas that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life?

1. You are a precious child of God. He will always love you and be there with His arms outstretched towards you.

2. Be reconciled with God and His laws and everything else will work out.

3. With God all things are possible. Be strong in your faith. Doubt your doubts, not your faith.

Places to find you:(LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook)

https://www.linkedin.com/in/debbielangley/

https://www.facebook.com/debbie.w.langley.9

https://www.instagram.com/langleydebbie/

www.pinterest.com/debbielangley9

If you are tired of suffering, beating up on yourself, overreacting, using avoidance tactics, breaking your word, and doing it over and over again; If you want to struggle less and enjoy more. If you want a truly amazing life that is connected and complete, you need the “you have value program” If you are willing to make some changes, be kind to yourself, fail forward and continue to try, or stop chasing comfort. I would love to help you to create who you are actually capable of becoming. Contact me.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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When we were born our natural state was “love” we love ourselves. Then we started to see outside of ourselves and if we were in a secure supportive environment, we felt love for our parents. Then the circle continued with other family members and friends. Now for all of us there was a point that that all changed. The point that caused the pain is different for all of us. Maybe as a young child you were not wanted. Maybe instead of being loved you were the point of someone's power or lust like we talked about in the last episode. So maybe the story you took was that you were unwanted, or unworthy. Maybe it happened later in your teen years. Most of us have picked up a time where we stop loving ourselves. We then start to judge and compare ourselves. We put the needs of others ahead of ours, maybe we created an addiction, started to abuse our bodies, or accept less than we deserve. These are the opposite of self-love. How did we move so far from our natural state of feeling “loved.”? Well, It all starts with our story. At some time, you took an experience you had and assigned a certain meaning to it, that you are unlovable.

How do we reverse that? To start loving yourself the thing to do is to become aware and accept that you are the only one with the power to change that feeling. So often people say “I can’t control what others do. I'm just reacting to them. But the truth is the triggers are yours. You have the ability to move and maybe even remove the buttons that they push. Not everyone reacts the same way to the same stimuli. If others can react differently, you can choose too also. We free ourselves as we learn to control our thoughts and change them to adjust our emotions. How has being a slave to your emotions served you so far? Does it make you feel loved? Of course not. When you truly love yourself, you find the love and strength inside of you to not react to the situation.

One of the things that will lead you towards loving yourself is to contemplate on your own value and worth. As you learn of your true value and worth you will see yourself differently. As someone of value you will not allow that voice in your head to dribble on and on beating yourself up. As being someone of worth you will not put others needs before your own. You would not treat any other person of worth like that but for some reason it has been okay to treat yourself that way in the past.

Now that you have contemplated on your value and worth it is time to show yourself compassion and patience. Just because you have started to see your value doesn’t mean that you will not react in situations nor that you will not slip back and into an addiction. Those triggers will still be found from time to time. That is okay. Now is the time to practice compassion. It is okay to fail. That is a part of the life experience we are having. You do not have to be perfect. Here is a time to be patient.

If you are tired of suffering, beating up on yourself, overreacting, using avoidance tactics, breaking your word, and doing it over and over again; If you want to struggle less and enjoy more. If you want a truly amazing life that is connected and complete, you need the “you have value program” If you are willing to make some changes, be kind to yourself, fail forward and continue to try, or stop chasing comfort. I would love to help you to create who you are actually capable of becoming. Contact me.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Just from the title I bet the Beatles song rang through your head. “All You Need is Love, da, da,da,da,daaa” According to Maslow and others there are a few other needs. But love is on the list and pretty high up there! While love may not be the only thing you need without it, life would be bitter and worthless. But John Lennon was on to something when he said “We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others.”

So, the answer to the question Who loves you anyways? The answer needs to start with ME; I love myself! Love of someone else is only possible when we love ourselves. Love is found in a few other mammal groups but nowhere else in the animal kingdom. It is primarily a distinctive human trait. It is what allows us to create a special connection outside of those we are related to and our mate. Love is part of the blueprint that has made survival of the species possible.

Love comes about as we engage in a mutually intensified relationship. Self-love doesn’t come from meeting only our needs. No that makes us either narcissistic or a sociopath. Self-love is developed as we meet the needs of ourselves as well as others we are in relationships with. Love makes us whole. Not from the outside but from the inside. I am complete not because of my wife or the amazing relationship I have with her. No, but as I built the amazing relationship with her, I gained more love for myself. It is synergistic. Love is deeply caring for others. Loving hands can soothe pains, it can ease hurts. Love is what makes life beautiful. Without it we will lose our taste for life. If you are thinking about taking yourself out of this world, then you are not feeling loved!

The first step to loving anyone, yourself included you must recognize the value of that person you want to love. You and everyone on this earth has overcome amazing odds to get here. Everyone here has talents and abilities that are unique to them. Everyone on this earth is lovable. Each one of us is capable. Your relationships are a defining factor in shaping your life. If you love someone; you will listen, respect and understand that person. So how much do you listen, respect and understand yourself? Those are required of you in order to feel deeply for yourself or others. It is difficult to snow others for long periods of time. It is just not very likely. The effort that would take would be incredible. So, if there are people who love you, those that care, then there are reasons that you are worthy of being loved. Even if you can’t see them. Love is recognizing the value of a person and being true to oneself.

If you are tired of suffering, beating up on yourself, overreacting, using avoidance tactics, breaking your word, and doing it over and over again; If you want to struggle less and enjoy more. If you want a truly amazing life that is connected and complete you need the “you have value program.” If you are willing to make some changes, be kind to yourself, fail and continue to try, or stop chasing comfort. I would love to help you create who you are actually capable of becoming. Contact me, ken@creatingyouramazing.life.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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So, there was a study done in 1978 that became known as the “Rabbit Effect” There has since been additional studies and a book written about it. It has opened up new and groundbreaking research. What is this study you might ask and how did it reveal the secret to living longer? Let’s start with the study. Dr Robert Nerem and his research staff performed a study to establish the relationship between a high fat diet and heart health. To do this they put together several groups of New Zealand White rabbits and feed them a diet high in fat. They expected to find high cholesterol levels in the rabbits and fatty deposits in the small blood vessels like the long proven and recited results of today. But they came upon a problem: there was a significantly large number of rabbits that did not have the results they were expecting.

So how does this play into our lives? In a day when heart health is part of most conversations about health. In a society that speaks constantly about “Low Fat” At least 48% of the US adults have some form of cardiovascular disease. Half of the adults in the US have some form of heart disease. That is so huge! But the important question is why? Well, the difference that was found in the rabbit effect had nothing to do with the high fat diet. In fact, it had nothing to do with what the rabbits ate. It all boiled down to how they were treated. It had more to do with the love they felt from the researcher. Well in a day when we are more apt to get someone hating on us for what we said rather than love for who we are. In an age when depression affects more than 18 million adults in the US and is the primary cause of disability for ages 15-44. This is a huge problem, to more than just our mental health!

How is it that something that accounts for $23 billion in lost workdays each year doesn’t have every headline? Some Politicians are concerned with gun violence. If we compare homicide at 16,000 lives per year in comparison to suicide which is over 41,000. Homicide is less than half. Where is the outrage that people are killing themselves? If we look at Veterans it affects even more of this small population. Up to 20 out of every 100 Vets deal with PTSD. This is something that needs more people talking about it.

But what can we do to have a longer life? Well, the answer is pretty simple: surround yourself with love and show love to everyone else. It doesn’t matter if you agree with people or not. It is possible to love people and disagree with them. I have many family members that I don’t agree with on so many levels but I still love them. It doesn’t matter what they believe or think. But so many times in society we judge not only the beliefs but the person for having them. We have to hate on others because they see things differently. Hate is the opposite of love. We close ourselves off from love and cripple our ability to feel it when we have hate, inside of us.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Ken:

Tyler is an incredible award-winning life coach, a marketing strategy Guru, and he is fantastic at developing the sales process in people. In Monday’s podcast we talked about learning to sail a ship and how it takes wind and waves to sail. So, what struggles in your life have helped you to get to where you are?

Tyler:

Well, I would say every single struggle that I've ever been through got me to where I am today. specifically, some of the bigger ones, like earlier on, was actually my parents' divorce and during that time. I didn't think of it as a struggle as a kid, I was 12 yrs. old. I just thought hey they got a divorce that's how it works, but growing up I was like founded and grounded in family and faith and then to have it all the sudden just ended in a divorce, out of the blue. I didn't even know they were arguing or they were upset. So, I felt I took on this personal responsibility that I did something wrong that I could have done something to prevent that and that was really tough. I ended up struggling with worst things and going through depression, from about 12 to 18 years old, suicidal tendencies, pornography addictions, video game addictions, and just struggling to tell the truth. Like I did those things but I never told anybody. I thought I just had to pretend and act like the perfect kid and do all the things that everybody tells me to do. I felt like I was wearing this mask and even though I got good grades, was class president and VIP and I got MVP in high school, and all the stuff. I thought what is the whole point? Because at the end of the day I felt very disconnected, unheard, and unloved. One of the best ways is the abundant alignment technique previously known as the complete alignment technique. It basically goes in, and how it works is; in our bodies we have what's called fight or flight responses. (AKA allergies and addictions.) So, when I have a goal, something I want to go toward my body's interpretations of that goal... So, we're in the game of turning those off so that they don't happen anymore. In this case it might be something like I might feel like I'm not good enough, I can't ever please her, so then I'd tap anywhere on the body where I feel that feeling of anger or frustration. I’d tap on the body and repeat, I just can't ever please her, I'm just upset. Just tap wherever that is felt on the body. Then what you're going to do is to tap on your forehead and then continue tapping all the way from your forehead over the top of your head, down to the base of your neck while breathing in through the nose. Then you're going to breathe out while going back to the forehead while tapping again from the forehead back to the back of the neck while breathing out. You're going to do those three times, so it's going to be breathing in while tapping and then exhaling while tapping. You are going to do each three times in a row. Then while tapping you're going to pant like a dog, 3 times and then you smile at the end. What that does is, when you state the negative, it's like taking a big rock and throwing it into a pond. It makes his huge disconnection or ripple. In that moment your fight flight responses are firing, you're wanting to run, you're wanting to hide, or you want to confront it, all the stuff. Yet when you're tapping it's like throwing in lots of little rocks around that big rock and it stops the waves, stops the disruption, and brings it into a state of peace.

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So the three C’s are Choice, Chance, Change. They are from Zig Ziggler and they go like this: “You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.” Change is the outcome we want. But the choice and chance have to come before the change. We have to become what we want before we get it! But often the change that we want is the “Plan” that we talked about in episode 194. It might be a monetary goal, We want to be rich or we want $30,000 or $100,000 a month. But if that is not us now then there needs to be change to get us to that point. So we need to make a choice and take a chance, in order to get to that change that we want. What if the thing we want isn’t about money? It really doesn’t matter what the goal is. It doesn’t matter what you want. Maybe you want to be more of a leader. Maybe you want to be happier. If there is a difference between what you want and where you are now then you can make a choice and to take a chance so that the change can come into your life.

Have you ever been scared by change? Okay not you, but maybe you have known someone that is scared by change right? I guess a better question is who hasn’t been. Many people try to blame life and the things that happen to them on the outcome. When it is the three C’s that make up what we experience. Then we have an amazing life.

The biggest single block in your life usually comes from you. Maybe it is due to fear. Fear can stop you in your tracks. You could fear that it might not work or maybe that you will not be accepted, or are not worthy. There are so many stories you could tell yourself that would produce the feeling of fear that you are experiencing. Fear slows mental action. It renders people incapable of acting sagely. Fear strips us of our power, boldness, originality, and confidence. Or maybe it is due to allergy which causes an overreaction or a negative bodily reaction to the change you want. This is often seen as a self defeating behavior. But there are no self defeating behaviors, our bodies get us what we expect and what they are in alignment with. If you wonder if your body has memory just think about the term muscle memory. Each muscle in your body has memories. So we get what we are not afraid of nor allergic to. If there is a part of our body that is not in alignment with what we want. We will not be able to bring it into our lives. But there are ways to rid yourself of fears and align your body to what you want.

Choosing to take a chance to change thoughts can be a daunting process. But it is much less daunting than continuing to follow the path that you are on. If you are unsure where you are, or where you need to start or need the guidance to build a program to get you to where you want to be. If you need help aligning your body to get what you want. I can help. That is what the “I Have Value” program is made for. So contact me now so we can get you going this way you can get to the future or plan that you want and do it in a shorter time frame..

In our next blog or podcast we will be talking about the Abundance Alignment Technique with Tyler Watson… So we will see you then.

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Today I have a story, Mr. Clark spent most of his life's savings on non-refundable tickets for a ship to carry him, his wife, and 5 children to America. About a week before the ship left one of Mr. Clark's sons was bitten by a dog. The Dr. that treated the boy recommended the boy be quarantined for his safety and the safety of those around him. Mrs. Clark suggested that Mr. Clark and the other kids go ahead and make the journey. But Mr. Clark was unwilling to leave his wife and ill son behind. So the day came and on April 10th 1912 at the Southampton Port. Mr. Clark stood on the dock with tears of disappointment and frustration streaming down his face while he watched the ship as it left for America. Think about it, all of his money was leaving the port. He believed his future and dreams all gone. I’m betting he felt alone. I would have been asking why? Why me, why now? I understand what he was going through. There have been times when I felt I had lost everything. I watched as my “ship” left the port. We talk about our “ship coming in,” that is a common phrase. But that also means the ship can leave. So as he is setting on the dock watching it go. Maybe he even second guessed himself. Maybe he said I and the other kids should have gone. Maybe he told himself he was weak. What kind of thoughts would have gone through your mind? We as humans love to make plans but life often doesn’t go by our plans. But what if the experience was for our protection?

You look at your suffering and compare it to the suffering you see in others. The problem is like we talked about in podcast 190. We only see the before and after the transformation not the middle. We often don’t see the adversity of others. It is important to look outside of ourselves and see the misery that others are experiencing. If we look carefully most of the time we will find that others are also facing difficulties.

Suffering is relative; it doesn’t matter the experience it will completely fill the human soul and conscious mind. It can fill the soul and mind because of the story we tell about our suffering. With the story we can fill small crevasse or the largest buildings. This is not to say your distress is insignificant. On the contrary the story you tell yourself is compelling and can cause much pain. If you can’t see the disaster of the boat sinking the pain can go on and on because the story does. But it may be that the plan you had would not have been in your best interest. Even though it looked like it would be. Recognize that God or the Universe might want something else for you. Maybe a street or highway 5 miles over that will get you to the place you are meant to be rather than the road ahead of you. Be sure to look at it from that point of view. The things that happen are for you not to you or against you! We often tell people that they shouldn’t have to experience this, or outlive certain people. But that is wishful thinking. In life and in accordance with natural law there are times when youth have to go through horrible things and some parents do lose their kids. I get that these things happen but you are in charge of your story. So instead ask a better question: ask yourself what now? If you need help with this I can give you tools and keep you accountable. The “You Have Value” program is specifically created for you. It will give you tools that work for you! So reach out to me to set up a time to talk and let us create the value so that you can have an amazing life!

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I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott. So let’s break this down. On a beautiful calm day, sitting on the water in a sailboat how do you make the boat do anything? It would be a frustrating waste of time. Then the bigger the boat you want to move, the bigger the breeze you need. We need to learn to use different tools for the same wind. Sometimes we may need to tack to move in the direction we want to go. Storms are needed to sharpen skills and practice your abilities to manage systems. When storms are around it is a great time to learn how to handle the conditions. So we need not fear challenges. Challenges are what helps us to learn and grow. So many people have a fear of the challenges. Fear can stop us before we start. We may not even get on the sailboat due to our fears. But we can never learn to sail nor ever get better at sailing if we don’t face the storms.

Challenges are part of most cultures. They can come in the form of dares or as rites of passage. It wasn’t until the last couple of generations that we started trying to shield our kids from challenges. This is not working well. Imagine how bland life would be without challenges. If we were given everything without challenge there could be no climbing, no fixing things, no sports, or competition. We would not even be able to establish relationships. It would be like eating macaroni and cheese for every meal. 3 times a day 7 days a week! I would be done with that soooo fast. I don’t care if it is a wonderful mac and cheese. I would hate that.

Why might you not want a challenge? Challenges can result in failure; this can bring on feelings of disappointment, shame, embarrassment, or humiliation. On the flip side it can result in success; bringing on awareness of honor, praise, pride, and dignity. Worry is merely sustained fear caused by indecision. So if you are concerned use Brian Tracy’s “The Worry Buster.” Step one, define the situation clearly in writing. Many times the problems can be solved by defining them clearly. Step two, now determine the worst possible outcome. Here again write it down, Writing it is important. Otherwise it will morph and change and you will not get the worst out. Step three is to accept the worst should it occur. Once you accept what is to be your mind will become clear and calm. Step four Is to take action. Do whatever is possible to improve upon the worst. To overcome worry it takes purposeful action. If you make yourself busy doing something about the situation you will lose the worry. Action will give you confidence, courage and a sense of control.

The thing about life is “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.” Like we talked about in episode #165 with Sara Blakely you can rethink your story about failure. Just like her father helped her to reframe the idea of failure into not trying something. Whether or not you want challenges depends on your story of what are the consequences to the challenges. The definition of failure and your story about it can be changed. You cannot achieve success if you never attempt things. You have the ability to determine the power that failure and success have in your life. You can increase the power of success and decrease the power of failure. If you did not fear rejection if it had no power how would today be different what would you do differently?

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Ken:

Evelyn has a degree in biology with a chemistry minor. She has studied healthy eating for years. Thanks for being here today, welcome Evelyn. So glad to have you here.

Evelyn:

I hope this goes as well as it usually goes. I know how much you prepare for your podcast.

Ken:

So tell me about your history and why you started getting into health?

Evelyn:

My mother has been on every single diet on the planet, except possibly I don't think she was ever injected with HCG. But everything from Weight Watchers to Fen-Fen and I watched her go through this journey of always battling her weight and never wanted to be on it. But found myself learning things from her that she probably didn't want me to learn. The biggest one was to use this food as my drug of choice. So in high school I actually started going to Overeaters Anonymous. The second biggest thing that I've learned is probably that; the closer it is to the way God made it, is probably the best way for me. If it has something that someone came up with in chemistry class it might not be so healthy. I grew up on margarine; my parents are teachers and money was tight and my mom managed to feed 7 people on $100 a month at one point in time. Granted this was during the ‘70s but still.

Ken:

Okay I just so how does food affect life?

Evelyn:

Well like I said before it should be a pleasure, it should be a celebration. It should be something that is satisfying emotionally, spiritually as well as physically. Food that doesn't taste good doesn't do that. Food that doesn't feel good after I eat it doesn't do that. But feasting, breaking bread or whatever, is something that is culturally unanimous or ubiquitous. You can't go anywhere where eating together isn't significant, no matter what your culture is. It is also a way of connecting with your past, it's a way of connecting with your family and its way of connecting with your own body. There is so much to be said for being even a little bit mindful while you eat. Stopping to smell what it smells like and does it smell good?

Ken:

If there were three things that you leave people that could lead people to have an amazing life what 3 ideas would you leave them?

Evelyn:

1 is to find a way to have a little more grace with yourself. Instead we have a tendency to condemn ourselves. Oh I can't believe I just ate that, or I can't believe I ate all that. Maybe we say that's not on my eating list, whatever you're eating list is. You know, you wouldn't have beaten up your best friend over it, don't beat yourself. You got to live with yourself more. It's really a good idea to be kind. Okay so that was one.

2 Learn to cook. It can be a little bit hard but at the same time there are recipes out there with 3 to 5 ingredients.

I guess the last thing is share it with everybody. You know, I said before you may not want to be evangelistic about it, but at the same time sit down with others and share it with them. Make it social, it makes a difference.

Ken:

I want to acknowledge you because you are the most amazing person. I love you, I enjoy every moment we're together. There is nobody that I'd rather be with and I love what you bring to food, I mean, we do not eat like average Americans.

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One of the newest fields in psychiatry is the field of nutritional psychiatry. Your brain is always on. It works 24 /7. Because of that it needs high octane fuel yet most people give it The 87 octane. Your brain can get by on it for a while but it will start to show. Your brain will start to backfire. Sputter when you hit the throttle. The fuel you give your body affects the structure and function of your brain. The processes of your brain affect your moods. Our body needs high quality foods. Foods that contain lots of Vitamins, Minerals, and Antioxidants. Diets high in refined foods, especially sugars are harmful to the brain. In 1957, Dr William Coda Martin went as far as to classify refined sugar as a poison. His scientific backup for this was the fact that refined sugar depletes the body of nutrition. It requires vitamins and minerals to break it down but refined sugars have none. It provides only “Empty” or “Naked” calories. Minerals such as sodium, potassium, magnesium and calcium are needed to return the blood sugar levels to a more normal state. Sugar is a very low fuel source. So eating sugar has a huge effect on your mental health.

Processed foods have little to no value and provide no help to run the brain. Now if you think the government or FDA would protect you from foods that are poisonous. The FDA reported in a congressional report that “exposure to toxic elements in the food supply extremely seriously, ... will continue to reduce levels of arsenic in infant rice cereal.” We had to take lead out of paint in case kids were eating paint chips but they can have it present in children's cereal. You have to be responsible for your own wellness no one else can do it. Just because it is marketed and labeled as a food does not mean it should be eaten.

Now, maybe you eat pretty good and get the 12 to 14 serving of fruits and vegetables a day I did when I was doing shakes twice a day. I was sure I was getting the nutrition I needed. But then I found information stating that the opposite was true. Because of the way we grow our food it has stripped the amounts of nutrition from the food we grow. According to the Department of Agriculture nutritional data from 1950 and1999 there have been “reliable declines” in the amount of protein, calcium, phosphorus, iron, riboflavin (vitamin B2) and vitamin C over the past half century. For example it would take eating 8 Oranges to get the same amount of Vitamin A as our grandparents would have got from one. Another example is spinach, even if it is kept at 39 degrees over 8 days it loses much of its nutritional value. It is still important to eat a diet high in fruits and veggies.

Go to https://kengerber.kyani.com/us/ and there are free assessments and a PDF you can download for free called “7 Ways Your Modern Diet is Killing You and What You Can Do About It” I can not overstate how important nutrition is and how poor most people eat.

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Welcome to “Your Amazing Life” and thanks for being here for the last year. Our anniversary is coming up on April 22. There are a few powerful ways you can support us. First is to subscribe to it and leave a rating/ review and leave your top takeaways from what we talked about, also interact with the community on the facebook page. Next, Be a hero to your friends and family and share it with them… Lastly, go to anchor.fm/ken-gerber/support and sponsor it. Your support makes a massive difference.

So what the heck am I referring to huh? Since we are in spring I thought I would talk about nature. Well a caterpillar one day stops eating, then hangs upside down, then spins a silky cocoon or molts into a shiny chrysalis. We can see the before and after of the transformation. But what happens in the transformation? The first thing that happens is the caterpillar digest itself by releasing an enzyme to dissolve it’s tissue. This is the disgusting pile of goo part. If you opened the cocoon at this point the caterpillar would ooze out. It then starts to grow highly organized cells. Then from the goo all around it they are able to rapidly fuel the cell division to create the body of the butterfly. Then once the butterflies body is complete it starts to crack open the cocoon. Then when a small hole is created it starts to push through the hole which completes the transformation pushing the bodily fluids to the point of the body that they need to be for the butterfly to function. In some butterflies there continues to exist some of the body parts of the caterpillar.

It is how we handle the things that come into our lives that decide whether we are a caterpillar or butterfly. Because both are made up of the same experiences. It is not that those that we see as successful have less challenges. Life happens to all of us. Emotions happen to us all. Successful people still have feelings of anger, frustration, fright, sadness, or many others. But how would a butterfly handle these trials or challenges differently than a caterpillar? Even when we are in the middle of the transformation things will continue to happen to us. It will rain, the sun will beat down, the wind will blow, maybe even the plant will catch fire. What we become is not based on what happens to us. Short of our life ending, It is not about what happens to us. I know people that have been abused that are more successful than me I know people that have been abused that are less successful than I. It is not about the level of abuse that stopped or made them successful. It is about the story they told about the abuse. Some told themselves the story that they could not be successful because of the situation and the emotions they felt due to those experiences. They never got out of being a caterpillar. It is a lot of work to rebuild yourself and become a butterfly. It is uncomfortable to dissolve your ego.

In our next podcast we will be talking more about nutrition…

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Kevin, one of our new Utah listeners and I had a discussion. One of the things we talked about is that many people give up on spirituality as they don’t want to be religious so they throw the baby out with the bath water. But spirituality and religion don't have to go hand in hand. Kevin talks about his spirituality and how it comes from being in nature. Kevin is not alone in this; many people who do not follow religion find their spirituality in nature. Some who are religious, strengthen their spirituality through nature. But for many people in this day and age it is tough and we spend very little time in nature. Spirituality is a big part of your human existence. So is yours filled?

The 6 wellness buckets are

1. Physical
2. Social
3. Intellectual
4. Emotional
5. Occupational
6. Spiritual

Because of Kevin's question we are going to discuss bucket number 6. Spirituality! Now I am very spiritual and also quite religious. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I did want you to know that, but we are not going to be concentrating on religion. If you have questions about my religion you can ask me, I am happy to answer. Now back to spirituality. For this discussion we are going to define spirituality as a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, it typically involves a search for meaning in life. This makes it a universal human experience. You can describe it as a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness. How do you meet that need without religion you may ask?

First is to get out into nature which is great. This can be done by taking a hike through a forest or other natural area. But it might not come at the back of a tow rope on water skis, riding on a motorcycle, or ATV. Fast and loud are fun and entertaining but they most often do not engender quiet contemplation. What you want to look for is more than just the beauty, but the more of the connection. What does nature tell you about yourself? For me it tells me of my importance. Just thinking about the trillions of things that had to happen in one certain way to bring about this environment helps me to visualize my worth and connectedness. If I am connected to each rock tree and plant out there it changes how I react to this world. If we are one, this earth and I, it creates responsibilities and meaning for me. There is even a book by Florence Williams called the “ The Nature Fix” They did a biological study to see the effects on your body and brain. They were able to observe that within 5 mins changes started to happen in the body. Is more connection, meaning, happiness, less stress and better health worth five mins a day? Maybe you live in a city and you say it would take me more than a hour to get out to nature. Well many places have parks within a few mins of most neighborhoods. Most apartments have grass areas with trees. Going out being barefoot on the grass or leaning against a tree can give you that five min change. If it is important to you, you can find it. You can make it happen. Nature has many positive effects if you are willing to be a part of it.

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Ken:

So to start with, give us a little background of who you are and what you do.

Mac:

I am a father. I am a husband of 16 years to a wonderful wife and I am a veteran of the United States Army, after about nine and a half years and with two tours under my belt. I am a voiceover actor that helps businesses have a digital voice in this digital world.

Ken:

What makes your life amazing?

Mac:

I would definitely say my faith and my family and I have to say my voice too. Because of the fact that without it I couldn't do anything that I'm doing.

Ken:

What is your accomplishment that you are most proud of?

Mac:

The accomplishment I'm most proud of right now is still being married to the same woman after 16 years. Still being alive every morning I wake up, and being a father. But also I think the other thing is just being able to know that I've been able to help businesses grow and to narrate stories for various companies around the world. An animated short film that I’m a part of is going to the festival right now, Currently it'll be airing on April 14th at 5 p.m. European Time. I've also been able to be a narrator for a cherry TV series called Planet Wild TV which will be airing hopefully in the spring or summer TBD. Just being able to work with various small companies like The Memory Collective and and the Monumental Moments Videographer in the Indianapolis area. Just helping tell people stories.

Ken:

What do you think it takes to have an amazing life?

Mac:

Not worrying what other people think about your life. As long as you do it the way you enjoy it and it's not hurting yourself or anybody else then I say go for it. Not allowing people or even yourself to put in fears or negative thoughts in your mind. Fears and negative thoughts, they can keep you from doing what you want and need to do. I did that for too long and now that I'm doing it I'm happy as can be and no one can take that from me.

Ken:

If you could only leave three things for this world what three things would you leave?

Mac:

A wonderful Legacy, a legacy that they and I are proud of. Knowing that I did the best I could with what I had. Then leaving the world a better place. If I can do all three of those things then I'll be happy, I don't need anything materialistic to leave behind, although you know I'd like to have a 1945 pickup truck, but a pickup truck but that's one of those things that you can have in your retirement phase and just enjoy while your here. I think the other three are more important than that.

Ken:

What are the places to find you?

Mac:

You can find me on Facebook and you can find me on Twitter. Then on Instagram and LinkedIn. Then my website.

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Ken:

To begin with Mike I wanted to ask what was going on and what were some of the things that you were struggling when you started the “I Have Value” program?

Mike:

Pretty darn bad PTSD That I learned to cope with. We attacked it with no chemistry involved, which you know for once something finally worked with it. But I was also having pretty severe marital problems as well. Most of those were because of PTSD, depression, bipolar (type 2), and I am a rapid cycler. Which Ken can attest to he’s seen me do it. How did the saying go if you know the “why” you may do for most any “how” and I had learned the “Why”

Ken:

When we started the program what was it that you were hoping to gain from it?

Mike:

Serenity, serenity in my marriage, Which was a huge huge undertaking, Denise, rest her soul. We were great together, we thought we were great together. We were going through some really hard times and I figured out what it was. I figured out what the issue was and we could not have solved it then.

Ken:

How did those feelings of guilt play out in your life?

Mike:

What's the phrase If You Don't Heal What Hurt You, You'll Bleed On People Who Didn't Cut You - Marcie Lyons probably one of the best answers to that question without going into a huge explanation.

Skills are where it starts, realizing when you go through this and come out on the other side, when you go through life's battles Like my cousin Jim says in his book “Touching The Dragon”, you are going to come out with scars. Those scars manifest in the form of emotional intelligence, the ability to step out of ourselves and be empathetic. I know each and everyone of you are going out there and working your butt off. I mean brain jobs are harder than any physical work. Here's another thing it is not if but when the Sedona Method If not now then When?

Ken:

What would you say to those that are sitting on the fence trying to decide whether or not they are a good fit for this program?

Mike:

Okay first off, If you sit with Crow on the fence you're going to fall with the crow off the fence. Get off the fence. You know we like the earth, people bear fruit. You are not here by mistake, none of you. If I can come to this conclusion myself then there's not a person around that it is unable. Have a little bit of faith, Definitely have some faith in yourselves I mean you're going to go through it, don't give up.

In our next podcast we will be talking about How to Fix ADHD Without Medication.

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Research now shows that the brain is constantly changing and growing throughout our lives. It changes in the number of connections. Those are affected by experiences we have and are the key to our intelligence. This is different to the belief of a few years ago. Then they believed the brain was hardwired and it only grew till we hit age 21 and then it stopped growing. They believed if it got injured or burnt out it was gone. This information is being tossed out as the new info is adopted. Now not every brain develops at the same rate. This can delay some people in gaining the skills to do well in school. Each brain feeds, it loves to be stimulated. The brain can learn and grow throughout life; it can move past the symptoms of ADHD if properly stimulated, and given the correct experiences and exercised. This is so different from the thoughts that govern the, we must drug those outside of the curve, mentality.

So there are two things that make up how our brain works. The first is your genes and they are the blueprint. They decide how many brain cells and influence the number of connections, when they are developed, and if they develop with chronological age. Then everything else including the number of connections is based on experience and learning. The use and stimulation of the brain is key to intelligence and success in the education experience. We have little ability to change the development of the brain. But that is such a small part. We have total ability to change the experiences and stimulation we provide the brain. These make a huge difference on how the brain works.

Because of the things we have learned we now know that sensory-rich exercises targeted to the weak pathways will greatly expand connections which will enlarge the brain's handling of information. Let’s say you want to increase your muscle tone and slim your body. You would not be successful if you just do push ups, nor if you just did squats. You would do many different exercises, to be successful they would use all muscle groups. As we exercise the brain we don’t want to just focus on one weakness we want to strengthen all of our brain's weaknesses to improve learning.

Each of us have a specific way of picking up information. Some do quite well from lectures because they are auditory learners. Others are more visual; they like reading and charts, things they can see. Then there are those that are kinesthetic. They are hands on and very active type pupils. The thing to realize is that teachers are going to teach to their preferred learning type. Now there are some great teachers out there who use all three auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. This is the highest form of teaching. Using all of the modalities of teaching.

The next process that we go through to learn is when we internalize the information. Most educators or the general public do not understand how this happens. Some people see pictures in their mind of how the thing they are learning about goes. Those pictures actually create the ability to internalize the info. If you think about a phone number that you have memorized maybe you see the numbers in your head. Maybe you see a keypad and see the pattern being dialed. Maybe you have the phone number set to a rhythmic sequence of sounds and that is what plays through your head each time you dial the number.

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Today we are going to talk about curing ADHD. Now because ADHD is just a list of symptoms and there is nothing technically wrong in the body, it cannot be cured by meds or medical treatment. It is just a series of behaviors that do not readily fit into our culture. So if it is all behavior based then managing ADHD would be behavior modification. While teaching behavioral modification medication could be helpful as a stop gap and short term intervention.

I talked about my ADHD and I have known some tools for years and others have come as of late. This is because life changes. But as my wife and I were dating I told her that I needed things picked up. I needed the house to be relatively clean. I needed blank spots on the walls. I get claustrophobic if things are too busy or cluttered. With ADHD I learned it is important to have routines and habits. Because things are set up as routines and habits I don’t need to worry about many of the symptoms.

Ways to overcome short attention span: Here is an easy start. Chewing gum has been found to improve attention and performance. Stay hydrated, drink lots of “WATER” This is important to your body and mind. Break things into manageable chunk size. Here is a very important one. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness or meditation strengthens your attention span and can help you lock out distractions. Meditation is in practice, in clearing the mind, focusing on the present moment, and detaching from distractions.

Next let’s look at impulsivity, The first thing we need to do is to learn to stop and check in with our bodies. Check thoughts that come up. There is a split second between having a thought and acting on it. You have to get in that split second. If the impulsive behavior has just occurred ask questions about why and did that, and did that get you what you wanted. Find that split second before it happened when you could have interrupted the process. When you have a thought count to five before giving in to that thought.

Fidgeting and restlessness. Now this one is only a problem because of old worn out and untrue information. But according to recent studies fidgeting could provide physiological stimulation to bring attention and focus. It can help you relieve stress, and lose weight too. Fidgeting can help boost our attention and energize us. Use things like a small stress ball attached to the desk with stretchy string, or exercise bands around the legs of the chair. Fidgeting burns calories, can reflect discomfort and is associated with not paying attention. This is another place where mindfulness, or meditation can help also try mindful music.

Lastly let’s talk about disorganization and difficulty prioritizing tasks (which is time disorganization.) It is possible that you have had experiences in your life that caused life disruption creating disorganization. Maybe it is due to bad habits. Maybe it was how you were brought up.

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So many of us think that we need to fix or medicate ADHD. In fact, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) added Hyperactivity in 1968 and then updated to ADHD in the 1980’s. ADHD is not a typical mental disorder; it is more of a personality trait that doesn’t fit in our society and that we have vilified. Rather than change society to accept this group of people we want to drug them so they fit. According to the DSM there is no single test to diagnose ADHD and often there are comorbidities. Other problems can create similar symptoms. For those of you that are into science and want a test. This is not a good time for you. There is no physical test or no blood work that can be done. No, it is more of a let’s throw it on the wall and see what sticks or try this. Does the drug change the behaviors? If yes then we label it as ADHD. This is the prevailing thought is worked through, this is how we came to think if you have ADHD, you need medication to fix it?

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is described as a mental health disorder that can cause above normal levels of hyperactivity and impulsive behaviors. People also may have trouble focusing attention on a single task or sitting still for long periods. So those are just “above normal.” Now can this make it hard to fit into our culture? Yes. Can this make some things more difficult? Yes. Can medication or caffeine change our behaviors? Yes. The reason I’m starting here is I want to change your belief that you need fixed. That ADHD is something wrong with you. That you need to fit into the bell curve or be drugged so that you do.

Let’s go over symptoms of ADHD. Short attention span, especially for non-preferred tasks. Now most people have a short attention span for non-preferred tasks. So, we with ADHD are just out of the norm. This is problematic in the classroom. Where we are supposed to all pay the same attention and learn the same way. Next, they list Hyperactivity, which is described as constantly active, inability to concentrate and impulsiveness. So, it is a word that combines the other symptoms listed here. Impulsivity, which may manifest as recklessness. This is often preempted with the statement “Watch this” Now this can be a problem causing many trips to the ER. Fidgeting or restlessness. Man, this is me to a T. I am bouncing during most waking moments. This is something that can annoy others, but that is the biggest downside for most people. Disorganization and difficulty prioritizing tasks. These are skills that are learned. They do not have to be strengths, nor do they need to be talents that you are born with. They are habits and they can be learned and adopted. And then there is Poor time management and time blindness.

I want to be quite clear I am not against medication. Especially for short term while building other skills and abilities. I know that medication has its place. It can be helpful in starting to develop tools. I don’t believe that medication should be a long-term answer. There are tools to overcome each of those symptoms. You can build them into your life and create an amazing life.

In our next podcast we will be talking more about overcoming the symptoms of ADHD…

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Today we live in a world that is stressful. Negative Stress is constantly pulling at us. We need to do this or have that. Or maybe the thought is there is not enough money or we lost a job. Maybe it's more along the line of the death of a loved one, divorce, or illness. I bet you have experienced one or two of these during Covid 19. It has attacked us all. The whole world is struggling. Due to covid we have lost loved ones that we would not have without Covid and some were young. Job loss and reduction of income are a problem the world over, specifically for lower income households. The CDC did a study and reported that 76.3% of respondents had concerns about financial stability. 69.4% were concerned about getting food. That is just in the US. That is a lot higher than the recent past. Today's world is more stressful than ever before. It doesn’t look like the stress will be reduced anytime soon. Unemployment is at 6.2 percent and will take about 3.5 years to recover. So Stressors are not going to be going down real quickly.

These negative stresses as we talked about in other episodes is hard on our health. It reduces the body's ability to recoup. It causes heart problems and attacks. It throws off blood sugar levels. It can cause headaches, depression, and anxiety. It even increases your risk for things like Alzheimer's disease. Did I get your attention yet?

Let’s go over some stress relieving hobbies. Hobbies that are creative are great for overcoming stress. So things like scrapbooking which combines artistry with journaling; photography, drawing, painting and coloring are all good creative ways to relieve stress.

Next hobbies that can help with stress are gardening, aquariums, or taking care of a fish pond. But sitting and watching fish has the effect of reducing blood pressure and relieving stress. Then there is gardening, which gets you into the sun and fresh air a wonderful thing for someone who is struggling with stress.

Music whether you play or listen it can help to reduce stress levels. It can absorb your attention and release frustration and angst. Learning to play an instrument can be a great reliever of stress for you and those around you.

Now let’s talk about exercise or physical activity. Not only is it good for your health on it’s own but it can improve your mental wellbeing. Find one that you enjoy. Maybe going for a walk, signing up for an exercise class, or using an online exercise workout. There is no downside to getting some exercise.

The great thing about all of these stress relieving hobbies is they increase your wellbeing for longer than you are doing the action. In fact they can continue to produce wellbeing for over 24 hours so you can build them up and increase them by doing them over and over. This can produce an upward spiral effect.

In our next podcast we will be talking about How to Fix ADHD Without Medication.

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Finding your purpose helps you to live a longer and more meaningful life. Purpose is not handed to you. You choose it. Life purposes cna and do change over time. You get to create and then own your own purpose.

These five strategies can help you unearth, detect, or discover your purpose. In this way you can create a more meaningful, impactful, amazing life.

The number one way is to serve others. Many people mistakenly believe that if you feel lost and unsure of who you are you need to get selfish. To do just what you want. To change the relationships and responsibilities that surround you. Finding your purpose inside of yourself is self obsessed. The way to happily find who you are is to get outside of yourself and serve others. Stanford and Florida State University researchers found that meaningfulness came from giving to others in a connected relationship.

The second thing is to take inventory of your relationship with yourself. Find out your likes, strengths, and who you are. This might take trial and error, most likely it will take time. Some ways people around you find who they are, might not work for you. To start with I recommend the Working Genius test that gives you a high level overview of what you enjoy and are good at. There are tests that can help you pinpoint your strengths. There are also personality tests that give you different ideas about what are your strengths, likes, and who you are. This way you can gain a better idea on who you are and what you are good at.

So number three is to assess your relationships with others. Who you are will reflect on those that you keep company with. Who do you like to be around? What role do you take in the relationship? Do you lead or do they? Are they positive people or whiners? What is the payoff that you receive from being with them? Why do you choose to be around them?

Number four is to look at what you love to do. How do you like to spend your time? What pet projects do you have? What things are you passionate about? Do you love theater, music, video games, or feel a passion for a non profit or injustice? Those types of things will help you to identify your purpose.

The fifth thing to do is to get feedback and we talked about this in episode 177 with strengths. Use people that you can trust and find out what they notice about the things you are good at and love to do. Just like with strengths where you think something is easy and everyone can do it, you may do something that is so ingrained that you don’t realize how important or difficult it is.

Finding your purpose will not be something you do today or even this week. Finding your purpose is a long term endeavor for most of us.

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Ever wondered why you were here to do? What you wanted to do? Maybe as a kid you dreamt of being a cowgirl, a doctor, actor, firefighter, or athlete. My son Wesley, he is not run of the mill. When he was about 5 years old he came and said I want to make video games. And never in his life did that change that idea. He is going to school now to learn how to produce and make video games and the stories behind them. Then there is me. I had many different dream jobs. I created dreams about the job opportunities that I was offered. But then my dream would change fast. It wasn’t about one thing. The dream was about what I might do with the opportunity. Because of this I moved from one dream to the next quickly and easily. Maybe you are like my son Wesley or maybe you are more like me. Then again maybe you have given up on having your dream.

“There are those who strike gold straight away. Excited, they take their plunder, cash it in and live comfortably for the rest of their lives. Then there are those who pan for years. They know that there is gold here and they have seen others strike it rich, so they persist until they too find the gold that they’ve been searching for.”

“What about the third type?” asked the young man.

“They are the individuals who get frustrated that they haven’t found what they are looking for, so after a day, a week or a year or more, they give up, walk away and never find gold.”

He felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “I can sense your frustration, but let me assure you, if you can find your true calling in life, you will live with passion, make the world a better place, be richer than you could imagine and feel as though the very face of God Himself is smiling upon you. That may happen next week, next year or in the years ahead, but the search will be worth it and your life will never be the same again. So for now, your purpose is to find your purpose.”

“Just as those men and women need to get down to the river with a pan to find their gold, so we need to remain active to find our purposes, we don’t find it sitting around at home doing nothing.”

Conversations like this are my purpose This is what I am here to do. I am here to provide you with tools to have an Amazing Life. I am here to assist you to learn of Your Value! I have been doing this a long time. I have the tools you need to get there. Start with going to the Facebook page and put your purpose in the community. Also put in “I Have Value” That is a great way to move onto your next portion of the path and develop your amazing life

In our next podcast we will be talking about 5 astonishing ways to discover your purpose …

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Katie: Hi I'm Katie I am a grateful recovering addict, I am a grateful sober person, I have been free from cutting for 8 months, I've been staying off of hard drugs for three and a half years and I have been clean off of weed for 8 months.

Ken: So what were some of the things that you were hoping to learn when we started talking?

Katie: I wanted to learn to love myself, I hated myself before I met you.

Ken: How did that come about? How did you start hating yourself?

Katie: My parents would shame me for being fat, They would even though my mom was bigger than me; She would tell me that I needed to lose weight. My family would shame me for binge eating, which I did to cover the hurt of them telling me I was fat.

Ken: What other things where you up and cover come with me start talking

Katie: I was hoping to overcome my cutting addiction.

Ken: Give us a little background on your cutting addiction. How did that look?

Katie: I started cutting at 10 years old my grandma died when I was seven and that devastated me and I started cutting. Then it started getting really bad when I was 14. That was when my sister who was 9 years old, found me in the bathtub full of orange bath water because I've bled almost out. She woke me up, she bandaged my wounds, dried me off and she put me in bed. She then told my parents that I was okay, but that I was asleep and I didn't want dinner. That's when I started going downhill even more, because two weeks later she started cutting and I blamed myself.

Ken: What was it that was causing all the cutting?

Katie: I felt like there was no other outlet for my pain, everybody was silencing me. I wasn't able to talk about my feelings.

Ken: Where do you think you would be if you hadn't gone through the “you have value” program?

Katie: I probably still be cutting myself, not knowing what to do with my life, Actually I’d probably be dead I had a suicide pact with accouple people that I'm not going to name. But we were supposed to kill ourselves before we turned 20. I don't think without your program I’d still be alive to be telling you this story.

Ken; I am so glad that you did not keep that pact! Because there was pain right? I get it. There was a lot of pain that happened. I mean we get shamed from maybe parents or others from school. We get those feelings we get those emotions and there's so many of us that struggle in knowing how to deal with those.

Ken: Since we can't deal with them we bury those emotions and those emotions that are buried they never go away, they never die. So these emotions they're trying to get out on the surface and these actions that you were using, like drugs and all, were just trying to let out all those buried emotions. Now it is a really amazing thing to work through those, that takes a very strong person not everybody will do it. It is important to look at yourself and that is what this program is all about. Have the changes that we work together to introduce into your life have they continue to work for you?

Katie: Yes they have, the tools you gave me to help stop cutting the ice cube, the rubberband, I don't even have to use them anymore and I don't think about cutting.

Ken : What is the difference that the “you have value” program had?

Katie: It made me realize that I'm more than just my body, I've got Spirit, I've got a heart. I can think for myself instead of letting everybody else think for me.

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So maybe you have been thinking about why I call the coaching program “You Have Value.” Well if we look around at our communities many people are questioning their value. Now the world and some individuals in it feel that their value is more than others. Then there are others who feel like their value is attacked and they are less than people around them. I have told you about my past and how I struggled and felt like I was less than others. People can feel attacked due to racial, cultural, financial or religious differences. We have communities that feel they are not represented or given the same chance to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is sad that what we knew as a toddler that humans are all lovable, we no longer can believe. Now I feel for and want to make a difference in this and for all. I know that there are problems in this world and that many people have experienced things that I haven’t. I know that there are people that have been wronged. I know the system doesn’t protect all. I want to understand you. No matter who you are what you look like or believe. I know that many feel that in order to have value they must be treated differently than they are now. We should treat everyone with value if we want to feel it for ourselves. I know there are people that felt like if they are treated as if they have value it may produce the value they seek inside. I do not want anyone to feel like they are less than I or another person. I have felt less than others before. I have also made others feel like they are less. It was due to my limitations. I beg forgiveness of all those that I have treated like they didn’t have value. That is not who I am nor is it about what I want. It is my goal to create knowledge of their value in millions of people.

So that is why I am here! That is what I do! This is so not being addressed I can’t even find it on Google. I can find websites to help find the value of X or the value of a car, home, and many other things but no websites listed to help me develop value as a person. Am I missing something. What can you find? How do you develop value in yourself? Join the community and tell where you have found your value. Ask questions about getting to the next step. Creating value within yourself will change your life. That is worth the effort isn’t it?

This is why your Value is so important. I do not want you to settle for less than you are worth. You should not take a job or be in a relationship where they do not know your value. Never settle for someone else’s definition of your value. Do not accept pawnshop people in your life! Do not allow just anyone to influence your perception of yourself. Create your story of your value. Learn to love your life. Refuse the opinions of small minded people.

In our next podcast we will be talking with Katie Rawling and how she has learned to refuse the opinions of small minded people and through the You Have Value program created a life that she loves.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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How much do you use gratitude? How often do you practice it? Are you ready to take that practice to the next level?

Gratitude may be a feeling, emotion, mood or personality trait. Maybe it is some of all of them. It really doesn’t matter. Science is proving gratitude to be a great tool and eliciting greater satisfaction and overall happiness. Some of the things that research shows improved by gratitude are sleep and relaxation, relationships, emotional wellness and resiliency, and your mental and physical health. Let’s start with a quote by Socrates. ”The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Gratitude turns what we have into enough. So how does gratitude work in our brain? Research suggests that gratitude works satisfactory for functioning people as well as for those with mental health concerns? Gratitude is believed to unshackle us from destructive emotions by shifting one’s attention. Gratitude benefits work over time. They are not a “quick fix.” It is not that you write about things you are grateful for and then you feel better in that moment. No if you write over and over after a couple of weeks you will notice a difference. But the good news is that because it is not immediate it has more long term effects. Gratitude makes changes to the brain that can be measured with an MRI. Gratitude lights up the brain's reward pathways and boosts serotonin and produces dopamine just like Prozac. Gratitude goes hand in hand with optimism. Practicing gratitude makes you happier, healthier and more productive.

What is required to get these benefits? It doesn’t take much. to start, according to Dr Alex Korb just the act of “seeking” for items to be grateful for can produce the benefit. You can spend time just looking for things to be grateful for and get full credit. I mean how many of you would show up at work, think about what you are supposed to do and expect to get full credit. Most of the time action is required to get the benefit. But with gratitude you don’t need to actually come up with anything. As long as you are seeking for it you get full credit. How awesome is that?

Some of the ways to practice gratitude are to keep a gratitude journal or write letters of gratitude to people. Gratitude journals are an amazing gift. They give to you when you write them and then when you read them later. Writing letters of gratitude improves both yours and the receiver's state of mind. Writing your thoughts of gratitude are a wonderful way of experiencing them. You can also verbally share with others what you appreciate about them. This will make deep long lasting friends. People love to hear good things about themselves and it will make a huge difference in their lives. Look at yourself in the mirror and remark about something you like about you. Be sure to look yourself in the eye and mean it. It will help you change your thought patterns. Spend time meditating on the experience you had when something went well. Get to know that feeling and practice it each day. Your subconscious will take that experience you are visualizing and treat it as real and happening each time you replay it. These are some great ways to practice gratitude.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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There are three types of abilities you can have. The first being strengths; these are assumed to come natural to an individual. Then there is; skills which are learned through training or experience. Lastly there is talent and talent is an innate ability that comes from a strong biological background. The difference between a strength and a talent is a talent is a strength passed down a generation or more. From a paper by Ryan M. Niemiec. He says most people are unaware of their strengths. So you have strengths, skills and talents.

Let us concentrate on what strengths are and how to see them. Because they come easily, many people downplay their strengths. They often think oh everyone can do that. It is easy so there is nothing special about my ability to do it. The truth is it is special, it comes easily because it is a strength. There are many people that it doesn’t come easy to. If you had to work at it then it is a skill. You might be here because you do not have a strong understanding of your strengths, skills and talents. Strengths do need to be practiced to remain strong, they can be lost if not used. Strengths reflect people’s individuality, their true core, and allow them to be their best selves. According to Don Clifton there are four themes that strength can be divided into. Strategic thinking the first would be things like analytical, context, futuristic thinking or strategic thinking. To name a few. Next is relationship building; things like connectedness, empathy, positivity, or realtor are some of the different relationship building strengths you can have. Then there is Influencing; which includes things like competition, maximizer, communicator, and self assurance. Lastly there is executing; and people can have strengths like achiever, arranger, consistency, and focus. So it is important to know and concentrate on our strengths.

So to get started and zeroing in on your strengths you can ask 5 people that you know and trust (the last part is important, they need to be those you can trust to provide the info that you are seeking) it is important that they are trustworthy in giving you truthfully their thoughts on your strengths. This feedback can help you in discovering your strengths. After you get all five lists you want to compile them. Find out which overlap. Then you can hone in on your ideas as to what your strengths are. You can also look at what you want to spend your time doing each day. You will find that you spend more time on things you like and are good at. You likely will gravitate to things that you are good at.

Once you find your strengths it is important to spend time on things that fit them. This means saying no and subtracting out things that do not fit your strengths like we talked about in episode 175. Double down and learn more about your strengths and how to implement them. Find skills that you can add that will increase your abilities with your strengths. Push your strengths and your comfort zone. Branch out to find new skills to upgrade your strengths.

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Please welcome Kim, it's great to have you with us today. Thank you. It's good to be here. I wanted to start this off with, what were you hoping to learn from me when you began working with me?

Honestly I wasn't hoping to learn anything because I didn't know what I just wanted to feel better. I was lost all the time. I just wanted to feel like, I had my feet on the ground and I didn't know how to do that.

Yeah I remember that I do also remember even though you didn't have that belief you wanted to have that belief, right? That wanting to believe helped while you kept putting these little baby steps forward, so that you can give that belief going so that you could then do the work. Did the change happen as quickly as you were hoping or did it take longer than you thought?

Well I think part of me thought it was just going to be a magic pill. That didn’t happen. It seemed like it took a long time but when I look back it didn't take a long time. It was actually very very easy coming once I got past that first hurdle which was myself. Once I realized if I'm going to do this I have to do this. So I threw myself in it full force you know if it takes me 6... I remember one day after work I came home. You and I had talked and I'm supposed to make my list and I was like I don't have three things I like about myself. I don't care if I'm on my way to work at 7 in the morning. I'm going to be up until I get through the things on that list. So there were a couple of sleepless nights where, “okay I only need 10 so tonight I'll do three” and I would be up until it was almost time for work because I couldn't think of three. But it got easier, but I had to force myself to break it down and you helped me break it down as well and that was very beneficial. You would say okay but Kim what are you good at and I would say I'm not good at anything and you said, what do you do with your kids that you're proud of? You would break it down so that I could see things that I did well. Wait, that is something I like, I do this and I think, maybe I do that really well, Because I didn't realize that those things were part of that. That is just what I did, so I didn't realize the two could be interconnected like that.

I don't think anybody has to be a fit for this program because this program fits everybody, if you're willing to look at yourself and be a better person you don't have to fit the program because the program will fit you. It may be baby steps, it may take the six months to get that “10 things I like about me” you know. But it will fit if you're willing to take those baby steps when the normal steps are too scary, it's still going to help, it's still going to change you. It's still going to make your life better and so you shouldn't sit on the fence!

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We are always adding to our lives people ask this and that and we say yes to a number of them to each thing you say yes to you say no to something else. This is because of the finite function of time. There is only so much so when you say yes to one thing another will fall off the schedule even if that is not the plan. So it is important to be selective about what we say yes to because more isn’t always better.

Let’s walk through this: Your spouse, child, or boss asks you to do something and inside of you lets out a large groan. This does not pass your lips and the person you are talking to doesn’t see it. Then you look them in the eye and say “Okay” as chipper a mood as you can manage. All the while you are feeling dread sweep over you like the flood waters swamping Louisiana. I’m sure you’ve done this. The number of times you do this might vary in response to how you are feeling and your level of empathy at the time. As a fairly empathic person I can tell you this has happened to me more times than I can count. One of the reasons I did not say “no” is I didn’t feel I had the right to say “no” I know what it was like as I have been there. Like a deer in headlights wanting to say “No’ but unable to. If your self confidence is low it is so much harder to tell someone ‘no’ and there are people out there who can see that in you from across the room and they will prey on your inability to stand up to them.

People often believe that to be more successful the need to be more decisive, inclusive, enthusiastic, patient, or a better communicator. Picture yourself as a bucket. And it is filled with all the things of your life. Like water in the bucket. I’m betting your bucket is to the brim. If your bucket is not full maybe you can add to it. But if you are like most of us adding anything will make your life gush over the side running down the side and all over the floor.

A surgical approach may be needed in your life. In order to have more of what you want you have to cut out some of the other things in your life that are not as important. It is so easy to get stuck on things that have little importance. Things like tv, movies, social media, gaming and email. The number of hours that you can get sucked can wipe out an entire day. It is okay to have each of these in your life. It is important to make sure they fit into the time that you allot for them. Maybe you reduce them by 15 or 30 mins so that you can input something else that you want done. But so many things that are loud are of little consequence while somethings that have huge consequences are so quiet. So do a little surgery on your life and cut out part of the things that fill your life but do not fill you with passion.

But making more of your life requires commitment and action. If you commit to the things that drive others goals and spend your time doing things that help them, you will have little time for the actions required to make your goals come true. You need to edit from your life the things that do not move you in the direction you want to go. By removing complications, clutter and noise from your life you remove obstacles and barriers to having the things you want. This provides a clearer path to something better. That is how you add to your life by using subtraction.

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I’m sure you know people that have not changed, People tend to get caught at certain times of their lives. Do you know a person who peaked in high school? Maybe you keep thinking about the one who got away and how your life would be different with them? For some of our Vets they peaked in the service. Many of my Marine Brothers and Sisters are stuck in the time they served. Many of them want to change the fact that they lived when someone else didn't. They want to go back. They cannot leave where they were. But for reasons, maybe only they know about, they don’t move on. They struggle to live. I know so many of them that have not been able to move past the horrible situation they went through. Do you know someone that can’t move past something that happened years ago to them? Maybe when they were a youth. If you say “NO” look again. Maybe even try the mirror. Some of us are more stuck than others.

When was the last time you dwelt on the past? Was it five mins ago or 40 years? The time you were dwelling on was it five mins ago or 40 years? Does it matter? When you think about the past does it include the ups and downs of that time or just the ups. One of the men that I look up to is Travis Mills. He is a ground pounder “Army” who lost all four limbs in a bombing in Afghanistan. He said I don’t think my problems outweigh anybody else’s” then he goes on to say “ don’t dwell on the past. I learned that because when I was sitting in my hospital bed closing my eyes and wishing that this did not happen, I realized you're not going to change the past” Dwelling on the past is hoping against hope and wishing that your past would have been different. Just like Travis couldn’t get his arms and legs back you cannot get back the life that you had. If you don’t leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away. So get out of the past. If you look at it truthfully you probably weren't without problems when you were there. Life is tough from day 1 until the day after you are gone.

Maybe the time you want to return to things were great and there was nothing bad about the time. Maybe the time was truly magical. Even if that were the case living there will make you miserable. The present is the only time that we actually have. Elon Musk and every other inventor out there has yet to build a working prototype of a time machine. In this life we can go neither forward or back; “Time is the reef upon which all our frail mystic ships are wrecked.” Noel Coward. Now is the only thing we have and if we spend it in the past we feel regret and depression.

How do you get to the point of letting go of the past? How do you live in the present? What ways will get you out of the past?

First off be honest, with yourself and about yourself. What do you have? Are you thinking of the past or are you living in it? If you are living there, change your story. It is what creates who you are. But if you are honest with yourself even if it was the best of times, Even if it was an easier time, you would not be who you are. Be honest about who you are and what you have accomplished.

Second is acknowledge that there are things out of your control. Maybe it wasn’t you who moved you away from that “perfect time.” It might have been that the thing that took your perfect time was a situation. Learn from the experience. Become better from those things you can control.

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This brilliant poem was written by Abdullah Shoaib

I’m very ugly

So don’t try to convince me that

I am a very beautiful person

Because at the end of the day

I hate myself in every single way

And I’m not going to lie to myself by saying

There is beauty inside of me that matters

So rest assured I will remind myself

That I am a worthless, terrible person

And nothing you say will make me believe

I still deserve love

Because no matter what

I am not good enough to be loved

And I am in no position to believe that

Beauty does exist within me

Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think

Am I as ugly as people say?

There are parts of beauty that can be controlled more than others. Your gene’s for example are something that are difficult to control. That doesn’t mean they can’t be changed we can see that by looking around Hollywood. But that is on the lower level of beauty. And there are beautiful people out there that have flaws like dimples, chipped teeth, freckles, a large nose, or pick any other body part. If you can have plastic surgeons fix it there are people out there who are unhappy with the way they look. Let’s look at some women that were told they were ugly: Meryl Streep, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lea Michele, Chrissy Teigen, Reese Witherspoon, and Mindy Kaling to name a few.

Am I as ugly as people say?

Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think

Beauty does exist within me

And I am in no position to believe that

I am not good enough to be loved

Because no matter what

I still deserve love

And nothing you say will make me believe

That I am a worthless, terrible person

So rest assured I will remind myself

There is beauty inside of me that matters

And I’m not going to lie to myself by saying

I hate myself in every single way

Because at the end of the day

I am a very beautiful person

So don’t try to convince me that

I’m very ugly

We looked at genetics but let’s look more than skin deep. What other factors play into beauty? Because other than biology, things like culture, psychology, social aspects, and smiling (like we talked about in episode 171) make us more attractive and change how our beauty is perceived. So our story and what we think about ourselves play into our appearance. Maybe, you put it out on Facebook or tell others that you are ugly. People probably tell you no but you don’t hear them, you don’t believe. Because it is not the things we see, that we believe but it is the things we believe that we will see. So you can have people telling you how pretty you are but that will not change how you feel about yourself. Why is it that you are focused on your looks? What happiness has your looks ever brought you? Thinking about your looks and how parts of them are not up to your expectation will only taint your belief and happiness with yourselves. Body satisfaction and satisfaction with life are intertwined. So decide that you are attractive. Put that gorgeous smile on your face! Accept who you are and have gratitude for your body. Realize that your beauty is more than skin deep.

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Justin is an online coach with a passion to help people become a person of value by changing their habits. Here are some of the things we talk about.

So you have been coaching affiliate marketers and you are starting to open that up now to coach others. Right?

What is a person of Value?

How does that change if you change your habits?

How does coaching work into this?

What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life? My own battles with debt and a criminal background. Fighting through that and trying to add value to myself and others.

What do you think are the best skills that you bring to your business? My strength, my work ethic, my drive and my passion to learn and grow

If you could only leave three things for this world and your kids what three things would you leave?

1. To go after your dreams
2. Believe in yourself and become your biggest fan
3. Practice gratitude because life is always happening for you believe it or not

You are starting up a podcast, when will that be launching? What is the name of it?

I want to recognize you. Justin For the way you show up! You have an amazing energy! You are putting yourself out there and making a difference in people’s lives.

Places to find you: Facebook and Instagram

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Now as a child we are meant to believe everything our parents say. But at some point I hope we get to the point we start to question it. The reason We should question it is not everything they told us is true. How is this working for you? I still have trouble with some of these stories today. They are hard to get out of my head. Being a parent I know that most parents do not tell these lies to hurt us. I would venture to guess that many parents believe the lie themselves. Many are just passing on the lies they were told. But these stories keep us boxed into the place our family was. If you look at it.

It used to be that high born people would tell others that they weren’t good enough. In our country today people tell each other and themselves that. In fact there is a music industry that has made lots of money telling others they are not good enough. I know how easy it is to believe these stories. Here again this is our centuries old software that hasn’t had a patch or update since we lived in caves. This software was developed to protect us from predators. It is to keep us alive in an age that we no longer live in. So how do we change the software? Our evolutionary software is like running Windows 95. Your operating system tells you when to be fearful, keeps your survival mechanisms and encourages you to be comfortable. It keeps you alive but doesn’t help you to live.

The stories that you accept are in your head each and every min of every day. “ I told myself stories of I’m not as good as others and I am not lovable. Those stories haunted my life for years. Those stories limited my reality. I could not move out of the area that those stories kept me in. I could not be successful. Each time I got close I would do something that would bring me back to the neighborhood of where I was comfortable. But these are stories. Stories have both truth and fiction in them. Stories are just the things that you agree to believe.

You are the author of your story. As the author you have the ability to rewrite the story. Now this may or may not include the things that come into your life some you will be able to rewrite others you won’t. But what you can write is the meaning that you give to the story. You get to choose how you see the world. Is it difficult and unyielding? This is where you have considerable power. When you change your story you update the software.

Rewriting your software doesn't come easy nor does it come without discomfort. We have talked about comfort before. Even animals look for the greatest amount of comfort they can find. They want the thickest pillow. We want comfort but there is no growth in comfort. Growth comes when we are stretching, when we are reaching.

Our human software can develop bugs and become faulty due to the other software and patches that we add to the software as we grow up. When we get to that point we need a software programmer. Someone outside who can look in and spot the virus and see what steps it will take to patch the software and help the newer app to run on the older software. So you can recode your bugs into lessons that have the power to take your life to a whole new level. That is what I can do for you. I can look at the software and the newer app and patch them so that they run seamlessly together. This is done by changing the beliefs which are the rules that run your software. And giving you the power to change the story that you are telling.

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Smiles have been studied quite a bit lately. In a study at the University of Kansas found not only do similes create happiness they help us recover quicker after stressful events. A real smile after stress even slowed heart rates. A genuine smile is a very effective tool for making one feel better and happier. Smiling has positive benefits for your heart! Then in a study from Technische University in Munich they found that a smile gave you the same "mood-boosting values" as eating 2,000 chocolate bars or receiving $25,000.00. They did another study in 2009 that found that the brain happiness circuitry is activated when you smile.

Research shows that those with the widest smile are found to be generally happier and have a higher level of well being. Research also demonstrates that when we smile we look better to others they perceive us as more likable, courteous and competent. You want to be seen as more likeable and competent. If you were able to walk down the street or through a store handing out $25,000. To each and every person that you saw you would, right? If you can give them that same level of happiness with a smile that cost you nothing but even pays you dividends why not? What is the outcome this would have on the world if we took this viral?

If smiles are able to change our life and emotions so much and we want to change our state then should we just fake it till we make it. So it depends. If our faking it is actually faking it the smile is just in our mouth not in our eyes then it is not as helpful. Faking a smile had almost none of the positive side effects of a real smile. A smile that didn’t include the eyes is what is used as faking a smile and that came at a cost. But if your idea of faking a smile is putting on a real smile even when the feeling of happiness isn’t welling up from inside, then faking it till you make it is a good thing.

Smiling is a very powerful tool and it is contagious. We feel happy because we smile. If you want to change the world just pass a smile to each and every person. Facial expressions are subconscious and we react to them almost instantaneously. When someone smiles at you it is an innate unchangeable biological response to smile back. How many smiles can you pass on in a day? I would love to see this go viral.

Lastly here is a fun fact: If while you are experiencing pain you smile, Your sensation of the pain will be lessened.

So smiling is good for us, it makes us healthier, and we look better to others. How then do you stack up? 30% of people smile over 20 times a day. Is 20 times enough for you? Another population dominates the smile game with over 400 smiles per day. That population is children. This is a way that being like a child is good for us. So how often will you commit to smiling each day?

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To introduce this subject we will start with a quote from Dr. Edith Eger As a teenager in 1944 Edie as she is known was sent to Auschwitz concentration camp with her family. “Change is about interrupting the habits and patterns that no longer serve us. If you want to meaningfully alter your life, you don’t simply abandoned dysfunctional habit or belief; you replace it with a healthy one. You choose what you’re moving toward. You find an arrow and follow it. As you begin your journey, it’s important to reflect not only on what you’d like to be free from, but on what you want to be free to do or become.”

So what is the story you tell yourself. Whether or not you can change will have a lot to do with the story you tell. I wanted to include some of Dr Eger’s background as very few have that claim to fame. I’m certain that she understands everything I’ve felt. If you had been through that would your story to yourself be that you were a victim? Would you feel you had been scarred for life because of things beyond your control?

So many people get overwhelmed when we start talking about change. It is seen as something big and hairy. We look at change and we love the idea of it but don’t want to let go of the things we have. Many of us think that to change we need to make huge sweeping differences. Our life is like a magnet. The positive and negative sides repel each other and attract themselves. One of the girls I worked with had been cutting on herself for years. Her arms and legs were covered in scars. She had tried to stop but wasn’t able to change. Those poles just kept pulling back together. Something would happen to her the only release she knew was to start slicing. We had to work on her coping skills and improve them to get the change she desired. Then after we gave the attention to the feelings she was having she started to reduce her cutting. Then we just changed the poles and she never cut again. For her, she hated the feeling of raw chicken, The cold, limp, icky feeling she had when touching raw chicken. We then tied her skin to the strong emotion she had with the raw chicken. She never cut herself again. We had reversed the poles of the magnet. It forced the magnet to switch it’s direction. Cutting herself was like trying to get the same poles of a magnet to go together again.

So how do you change your habits and patterns? The first thing is you need to change the poles. It has to be something that you don’t even relate with anymore. A man took his mother in to see a specialist because of her throat cancer. The Dr asked the lady if she was a smoker. The Lady responded with assurance and commitment and said no she was not. The son who had witnessed her 1.5 pack a day habit was floored. The son asked her about it and she said I quit this morning. But in this story the lady had flipped the poles. She was no longer a smoker and nothing would take her back there. What are the patterns and habits that make you go back to the action? What is the motivation for change? Get to know the pattern. Investigate the habit. Then modify the story, reverse the polarity and then you will never go back.

So the goal is gradual, sustainable, meaningful change to your behaviors. We talked earlier about how people try to tackle and triumph over these large changes. They look up the stairway to the top and see how far that is. How it seems so far away

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Tell me what accomplishments you're most proud of: My Time in the Army as an Airborne Combat Engineer. The large family that I have. 8 kids, 14 grand kids and 1 great grandson. I have helped many people over the years to change their lives, financially for sure, but hopefully in other areas as well. Getting back into the game. We all get down, but it's important to get back up.

What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?

I quit drinking and smoking some 18 years ago.

I let them both take control of my life.

So I just did a podcast on addiction. When I was drinking I wanted to feel loved and accepted. What were you looking to numb yourself from?

How do you think others can get over the rough times they are facing?

So you want to work on Self Development next year. What would getting it to a level you have not yet experienced look like? What would you need to get there?

You have known me for a while, what is it that you have learned from me or what are your top takeaways?

You like being out of the Box what does that mean for you?

If you could only leave three things for this world and your kids what three things would you leave?

1. The knowledge that you're going to get knocked down and it's going to be tough sometimes but that if you persist with enough Intestinal Fortitude, you can overcome it and achieve what you want!

2. I am working on leaving a Financial Legacy.

3. For them to know that Family Is Everything!

Places to find you:(LinkedIn, Instagram, facebook)

https://www.facebook.com/don.raines.73/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/directoroffun/

https://www.instagram.com/winwiththesarge/

https://mewe.com/i/donraines

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Why is it that we think the worst? So your boss comes in and says they want to talk to you. Why is it easier to think your boss is not happy with you than to believe they want to tell you about something you did right? Why is it easy to believe your husband is cheating or involved with someone else. When the truth is he is just preoccupied. Why is it that we put ourselves through this? I love the way John Milton put it “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.” It is so prevalent for humans to see the bad that psychology has a term for it. It is called “catastrophic thinking” and we are hardwired to look for problems because that is how we survived. If we didn't see the danger in the past, it usually meant we died from them. Studies have shown that 60-70 % of all our thoughts are negative. But the problem with catastrophic thinking is that it often triggers the outcome we fear. As well as creating an unpleasant or painful state. So for many of us it has gone beyond our hardwiring and is just patterns we have created.

But here again we can take something that is meant for our protection and create patterns that don’t serve us. Thinking the boss is unhappy with your work is not likely to result in your death. Neither is having your spouse leave you today. So when these catastrophic thoughts start what is it that you can do about them. You can change the direction of your thoughts. Investigate the thought. Is the thing you are imagining actually happening right now? If it is not, are you safe at the moment? If you are safe at the moment is it possible that you are causing your own suffering? If you are, can you stop it? Is the situation is real or imagined can you cope with or overcome it?

So then when these come what are things that we can use to work past the catastrophic thoughts? Let’s investigate some tools. We are going to start with breathing. Now maybe you are thinking man this guy is a one trick pony his answer to a lot of things is breathing. Well there is a good reason for that, there are many new studies coming out that show what a huge difference it makes. We are finding that we are not using that tool the way we need to in order to have the results that we want.

Next thing is movement. This is another thing I talk about often. The reason is that it is a tool that we don’t use enough. Going for a walk, doing some stretching, or yoga is great. All of these are amazing for your physical and mental health. We are designed to move! Get out there and move that body.

Let’s move on to Mindfulness. When we are being mindful we are fully present. We are aware of our senses like touch, taste, sight hearing and smell. We are in the moment not thinking of what happened 10 mins ago nor what will happen in two hours. When you are present and engage your senses There is no time to worry there are no what if’s. If you feel like you need to rediscover yourself you do not need to buy something expensive or leave to find yourself.

Be true to yourself. This is a way to actually show love and respect to yourself. Being congruent means we behave, think and feel in the same way. If I see myself the same way that you do then I am acting congruent. Congruence reduces stress and is vital to peace of mind. So a perfect example of this is when someone stops you on the street or at the store and asks you how you are doing and you say “I’m fine” even if it is not true.

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Fear and anxiety can become patterns in our lives and that is when they develop into problems. When we experience harm to our physical or mental stability due to fear we have a problem. When you find yourself avoiding things just because it could create fear that is an issue. The other day my foster daughter was cooking. She turned the heat on high and then ran down stairs to get something. Suddenly the fire alarm started blaring. So the alarm is going off blaring and alerting the neighbors to our cooking ability or lack of it. Now a fire alarm is made to be hard to ignore. So sitting in my office and continuing to write is probably not going to happen. But my other options are to go and pull the battery out or put tape over the sensor. That might get the noise to stop right! Is stopping the noise the best option here? What happens if we turn down the sensitivity of our fear and anxiety with medications. That is similar to getting the noise to stop. What does that leave us with, dying from smoke inhalation or the house burning down. If we stop the signal of the fear or anxiety with medication has it actually put out the fire?

When you feel the fear or anxiety here is what you might experience in your body. These things will happen very quickly. Your breathing will change and you will change the amount of oxygen your lungs receive and process, your heart beat will increase for you to fight or fly. It may even feel as if your heart is not beating right or missing beats. Your muscles can either tense or go weak, You will start to sweat. Your stomach churns or your bowels feel loose. Your brains can get fuzzy, dizzy, or concentration ability decreases. Your appetite disappears. Your mouth gets dry. All of this is natural and part of the body's defense programing. It has not been upgraded since the dawn of man. But it doesn’t need to be rewritten but it does need new parameters.

The first step is to analyze your fear, you must face it head on and get to know it. This may be difficult but it is the most important part. To do this it will take journaling. Write down where does the fear come from, what experiences increase it, what places are it most likely to appear, what feelings come right before it. Find out the patterns that go along with the anxiety.

Then the 2nd step is to imagine things differently. Imagination gives you power and creativity. It is probable that you are using your imagination to magnify your fears, making things worse than they are. You have the power to direct your imagination. Use it. When you are feeling safe and relaxed use your imagination to put you into the situation you fear and imagine yourself handing it in peace and with personal power. Imagine the thing you fear going smoothly and without fear.

So step 3 is to change the part of the brain that you are using. Fear starts in one small part of the brain. It is in an area in the middle of the brain. Other parts of the brain are responsible for other functions. So change the area of the brain that you are concentrating on.

Next, number 4 is to center your thoughts on your breathing. Breathing is what activates the body for the fight, flight, or freeze.

We are on to number 5. Practice mindfulness. The mind is a muscle it takes working out to build its strength.

Lastly number 6 is to get out into nature. Nature, with its natural beauty and movement tends to reduce the symptoms of fear and anxiety in people. Nature has a calming effect.

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So first off let’s identify whether or not you are happy. It might seem a pretty simple thing to understand but I think there are more than a few of us trying to figure it out. I get these times when I think I am happy yet I have these stress related pains in my body. Can I be both happy and stressed? I’m betting you have had something similar going on where you might think you're happy but yet something is not right in your life. So is there a better question than to ask if we are happy? What if we were to ask what happiness looks like? If we look at the dictionary it says things like happiness is a feeling of peace, well being, and moving towards a place of joy. But to answer this question we need to answer another. That is the how, what, and why do we get happy. So what are the how, what and whys for you to get happy? Many people find that things like the proper amount of sleep and exercise add to their happiness. Plus you can find happiness in being close with family or friends, being thankful and smiling. Helping others can bring on happiness.

Let’s dive right in. The first one is postponing happiness. Now you might even think this is a good thing, I mean we can sacrifice our happiness right now for other things like success in the future, right? Many people think that they are just delaying gratification for a larger reward in the future. I mean there are many psychological studies over the years that back this up. We just put our happiness on hold right. We put it out on things that haven’t happened. We say I’ll be happy when I lose weight , get a promotion, when things calm down, or when COVID is over right. Or maybe yours are, If I had more money , a relationship, better social life, or better in-laws then I would enjoy the holidays, Right.

Next let’s dive into the second trap. This trap is you wanting to make others happy first. But what if we are trying to make someone happy who doesn’t want to be that way. It is impossible to make others happy. I understand wanting others to be happy, that stems from the deep seated human desire to be loved. As we contribute to the happiness of others we often will feel loved. But waiting for others to be happy has it’s problems, it can be hard to judge when someone is happy. Plus in doing this we are restricting our feelings and putting others in charge of our happiness. Our happiness should not be reliant on others. I hear many people talk about the “you complete me” idea that was alleged in the movie Jerry Maguire. On the surface many people though oh yeah this is the relationship I want. But the problem is that If we are not complete in and of ourselves we will be in a codependent relationship or participate in relationship addiction.

Now we will dive into the last trap contrast and comparison. You see a picture on social media. The person has Looks, the perfect skin, a body you would die for, the house and car you dream of and the perfect kids and spouse. You have seen a picture like that right. It made you wish for a different life. “Comparison is the death of Joy” said Mark Twain. That is because of the story that accompanies the comparison for most of us. When we compare and contrast we see others having, doing, or being more, than us. That story kills happiness. When we contrast and compare ourselves to others there are no winners, only losers.

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No one including Sara enjoys the feelings of failure. It runs deep and can significantly reduce your confidence. But Sara learned some important ideas about failure from her dad. Sara says that her dad encouraged her to share her “failures” as well and her accomplishments as they sat around the dinner table. Then after going over both, dad would celebrate the efforts whether they paid off or not. Sara learned to redefine her definition of failure from this tradition. Failure was reframed into not trying instead of being outcome driven. She said "My dad would encourage me any time something didn't go the way I expected it to, or maybe I got embarrassed by a situation, to write down where the hidden gifts were and what I got out of it," she said. "I started realizing that in everything there was some amazing nugget that I wouldn't have wanted to pass up." So, there are Useful and powerful lessons that can be learned from failure. This is a very different way of looking at failure.

A pivotal moment in Sara’s life came and changed how she viewed failure. The story Sara tells is when she ran home from school excited to share the news with her father that she had bombed an audition for the school musical. Her father applauded her for the willingness to try something outside her comfort zone. By celebrating this kind of experience, she redefined her idea of failure. What would this be like for you? If you believed that the only failure was not to try? What could you then accomplish? Would this be a pivotal change in your life?

Spanx created a program called “Leg-UP” that features other female entrepreneurs' products for free in their catalog. And that is just the start of it. They have built homes, sent women to college, and donated to Oprah’s Leadership academy for girls in South Africa. Sarah is committed to improving the world and making a difference.

Just continue to move forward one step at a time, right. If we look at Sara that is what she did. It was not easy. She started Spanx with an idea, while she was working fax machines door to door for seven years. She didn’t know anyone in the business, didn’t have any contacts. No money, no business degree. Just the attitude that it didn’t matter what happened to her. Whether she got the desired outcome or not that she would keep trying.

Failure can be like grief; it can come with features like anger and denial. Recognize that this is part of the process. But the key is not to live here, accept it and move on. So, it is about pure drive, and not stopping no matter what. Just putting the foot out there for the next step even if you don’t think you can. It can be hard; you will want to quit. You might even shed some tears. That is fine. Just as long as you keep going. There is a reason you are here and you have a special ability that no one else does. The world needs you. Keep going, keep sharing your story with the world. You have to outlast the failure.

Failure is a part of life. It will continue to happen. It cannot be avoided. There are some things that you can avoid.

Do not judge it or label it good or bad. It just is what happened.

Accept and learn what it was there to teach you.

Continue on, Keep going you never know after what step they will call halt and find out you are done. But if you give up you will never know where that point is.

As we fail our knowledge increases and we grow into a smarter better person.

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Imagine a world where you and the people around you are no longer ruled by fear, limiting beliefs or behaviors. What would the world be like if everyone took 100% responsibility for their actions, prevailed over difficulty, did not allow the abuse or criticism of others to slow or stop them, and lived their Amazing Life. Today we are going to look at how to make that a reality.

We would have to be free of our ego and release all of our insecurities. We would be supportive and accepting of one another. We would work together to reach our full potential and create lives that are full of joy, purpose and abundance. Can we create that kind of world you might ask. The answer is “Yes” Then the next question that pops in your head should be how? This can be created by you and each and every person. Cause the greatest contribution you can make is to become the change you wish to see. Then by teaching and example you can then inspire others to also achieve their highest potential.

So first to change the world and have better results in your life, you must focus on yourself. The only changes that can be made are within you! In fact there are three things you can control in life. The story you tell yourself, the images you envision, and the actions you take. The story that you tell yourself makes such a difference. It can be the difference between victim and victory. The story is the most simple change to make. Tell a clear story with you the victor, understood and in control.

Commit yourself not to the outcome but to the process. The joy of learning comes from the process of going through the experience not in the end result. One of the things I like to do is to rock climb. As you ascend the mountain there is a process. But the joy comes from the climb. It comes from the experience of moving up that mountain. It comes from improving myself and the meaning that I experience. It comes from each movement. Once I get to the top that joy is then culminated.

So Number 3 is to view things as an experience and opportunity. Let’s go back to my rock climbing story. There are times as I was ascending the face I would be moving from one handhold to the next. You can’t look ahead more than one or two steps ahead so there was times that I would get to a place and I could no longer find the holds I needed so I would have to go back down the face a short way, and then pick another handhold and go up a different way to get past the place I got stuck. The place there was insufficient handholds could be looked at as a challenge or problem. As soon as you do that you are right back into your story. That is the thing you are telling yourself. You are creating a judgement on the experience. Instead view this as just an experience or opportunity to learn and improve.

Lastly, Number 4 is to be a leader! Being a leader means taking responsibilities for things that others do not want to take responsibility for. Being a leader means changing from things that aren’t working. Being a leader means sharing your wisdom. Telling others how they can create the lives of their dreams. Being a leader is what will help this world. You can be a leader by facilitating the growth of others around you.

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In the movie Rocky Balboa with Sylvester Stalone Rocky is telling his young adult son that somewhere along the way the kid lost himself. Somewhere he started to believe the bad things about himself. Somewhere along the way he started believing others had an effect on what happened to him. Rocky then says “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.” Now this part is nothing new to any of us here we all know how hard life hits. We have been hit so many times. Each hit feels like it is the last one we can take. Then we get hit again.

I got hit. The punch was full out as hard a hit as I had ever had. It caused a message to start playing. I listened to that message for almost an hour before I changed the message. The message was not about how good I was, it was just the next thing I was here to overcome. It was the next springboard in my forward progression. Let’s go back and hear the second part of the quote by Rocky. “But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!” I used to believe that life would be better when life stopped hitting me or at least cut it’s punches right? I wanted the punches to be something I felt I could cope with. I wanted the punches to fit my idea of what I could handle rather than for the punches to show me what I can manage. That is what Robert Balboa Jr wanted. He wanted the hits to let up. I’m betting this is something you also want right? If life would just ease up on you a little. Just allow for you to catch your breath right.

But there are things you can do to overcome the hits to keep moving forward even when they are coming.

1. Take a moment. Look at what happened and the story that we tell ourselves due to the hit. In the moment pay attention to your breath. Are you breathing deeply or shallow? Through your nose or mouth. Work to slow down breathing.
2. It has been wisely said “Worrying is like a rocking chair, it keeps you busy but takes you nowhere. So what the story you tell yourself. Is it getting you closer to what you want or does it move you farther away? Stop looking at your journey as linear. Set up the story that will propel you with direction and speed to where you want to be.
3. Humor will help you move past this if in the future you will be able to look at this without strong negative emotions then you can take the strong negative emotions out of this now and make it funny. Learn to see the humor in everything.
4. Accept where you are and find where you want to move forward from here. Revisit goals, establish a new plan. Find the spark of joy that will provide the motivation to move you forward.
5. Move! Take action. You can do it, this is what will change everything. This step is so important. If you do the other four without this one it will not propel you forward.

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It has been said “You don’t just “treat addiction.” You end up treating anxiety, depression, PTSD, loneliness, rage, despair, toxic secrets, regret, undiagnosed head trauma, untreated ADHD. Then you realize addiction is often someone's best attempt to cope when they don’t see other options.” So let’s talk about coping with these things.

If you have bouts with depression, anxiety, loneliness, despair, or rage those are feelings you probably are not comfortable with. Now we have spent quite a bit of time discussing anxiety and depression because it is such a big problem today. They are both likely to be on the rise in 2020 and 2021 with all that has gone on. Even though so many people are suffering from these, most people struggle alone and will not even acknowledge that it is something they struggle with. But, If we will not look at it we can’t fix it. It takes effort to look for options to find the source and to change our thoughts. Maybe you were like me and you just wanted to numb your feelings. It actually felt pretty good the first couple times. It is so easier to numb ourselves from the emotion with a mood altering substance or action. There are many ways out there to do it, we can use alcohol, drugs (illicit or prescribed), shopping, sex, porn, eating, and a host of others things. Some things that are acceptable for some people in some situations can be used to numb those feelings we are fighting with. It makes total sense to want to numb those feelings. No one wants to feel depressed, anxious, lonely, despair, enraged or any of the others, right?

The problem with using things stemmed from the fact that there was no way to stay at that moment of euphoria. The high you and I experienced soon left. It didn’t matter what behavior or substance we used. It eventually was not enough. We did not stay in that warm invincible spot, and it got harder and harder to get there. It was just a quick experience and it didn’t always happen after the first few uses. But that did not stop me from chasing after it. So alcohol was my drug of choice, maybe yours was something else.

So the problem comes not necessarily from the using, but from the thoughts that lead up to it. The fact is “We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves that we can love.” Lori Dechene. Addiction is just a thing because we have all these other problems that we need to cope with and instead of coping with them we just numb them with the addiction. So they never go away. It is like taking a bath with your clothes on. It doesn't address the issue nor overcome it and when you get out your problem drains out everywhere you go.

In the midst of all the pressures of our day, All the things we expect of ourselves. We often forget all the wonderful unique amazing things that make us up.

1. People that you compare yourself too compare themselves to others. Do not judge yourselves or other people.
2. Don’t believe everything you think. Question all cruel or discouraging thoughts that go through your mind.
3. Give yourself credit there is more right with you than wrong.
4. You need to love yourself the most when you feel you deserve it the least.
5. You can only feel satisfied in the “later” once you accept and make peace with the “now.”
6. Focus on progress rather than perfection.

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Actor Keanu Reeves from movies like John Wick, The Matrix, Speed, and Point Break. Keanu, despite being a superstar, is a very gentle and humble person. He is kind of quiet or soft spoken. There are a few stories out there about the good that he does. In an article on Nicki Swift they say “There are plenty of stories of celebrities doing nice things, especially when the cameras are on. Yet, few actors seem to be caught in the act as often as Keanu Reeves.” There are simple ones on a New York subway where he gives up his seat to a female passenger. Then, there is the time he stopped and pushed a ladies broken down car out of the road to safety. There are many truths to the reports of what Keanu has done but there are also many myths. Probably because Keanu does much of it without media or fanfare. But I think Keanu has figured out that his happiness comes from serving others!

To find ways to bless the lives of others. This is a man who has and is probably still working on overcoming some deep pains and grief he has suffered. Losing a daughter, his wife, and then a best friend, man those things would not be easy. In fact on the subject of overcoming this grief Keanu said "Grief changes shape, but it never ends," he said. "People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say, 'It's gone, and I'm better.' They're wrong. When the people you love are gone, you're alone." I’m betting he feels like his life has been difficult.

But Keanu is revered by fans, the media and coworkers because he always presents himself in a positive way. He works hard to be a nice person and to treat others well. There is another video of him walking through an airport and stopped by nearly every fan to take a picture with them. Keanu participated in Stand up to Cancer Telethon and he began his own foundation that has helped children's hospitals and cancer research.

Keanu simply tries to live the life of a good person. In ‘97 he was found walking one morning in the company of a homeless man in Los Angeles, listening to him and sharing his life for a while. It is so important to listen to people rather than to judge them. This world needs people that treat others with respect and caring. This is something that is uncommon in much of our society today. We love to judge people and then disrespect those that see things differently than us. If you doubt this look through your Facebook or Linkedin feeds. Especially if someone posts something political. You can easily find people that want to tear apart others as they see things differently. So let each of us, like Keanu, simply choose to live the life of a good person.

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Ideas are the currency of the 21st century. So the ability to persuade and to change the hearts and minds of others is the single greatest skill needed to make a difference. If you are unsure you need to be good at persuasion let’s go over a few examples. If you are wanting to date someone you will persuade them that you are worth their time. If you want to marry someone you persuade them you are worth marrying.

Today, words and ideas create our world. They make stars and millionaires in every field. With this podcast and through coaching I have tried to persuade you that you can have a better life. That you can create more of the things you want. That is what this podcast is about. If you hadn’t been convinced to a point you probably would not be listening to me now.

The first thing to be communicated is your “Ethos or Credibility.” Aristotle believed that if action didn’t back the speakers words they would lose credibility and this would weaken their argument. So here is where we must communicate our background and build credibility. I have spoken time and again on how my life was out of control. I at many times wanted to end my pain. I struggled at most everything I tried. I would try something once I hit problems, I would give up and look for something else. Moving from one thing to the next in quick succession.

Next is “Logos or Reason” so after we have established credibility the next step is the logical steps or reason that move things forward. Does any of the problems I went through sound familiar? Have you struggled, have you felt your life was out of control, have you wanted the pain to end? Have you ever come across a difficulty and decided to quit and move on to something else?

“Pathos or emotion” is next. Emotion is key to persuasiveness. People are moved to action by what they feel. Aristotle believed the best way to transfer emotion was through storytelling. Now neuroscientists have backed his ideas. Studies have found that stories trigger a rush of neurochemicals in the brain, notably oxytocin, that connect people on a deep emotional level.

Metaphor is next. Aristotle believed that metaphor was what gave language beauty. He wrote “To be a master of metaphor is the greatest thing by far,” Use of a metaphor compares a new idea to an existing one that your audience is familiar with turns the abstract into concrete. In your life you have lots of tools that you use and they get you the life you have. Your pain and feeling out of control are tools that keep you in the comfortable place that you now reside. You have a hammer, pliers and screwdriver. That works for you, when the pain gets bad you hit things on the head, when things are out of control you hold them in place with the pliers.

Brevity. Aristotle was ahead of his time. There are limits to attention and how much we can absorb. So we want to keep things brief. We want to provide the argument in the fewest possible words. Keeping our thoughts brief is very important.

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So If you are an average person you spend 144 mins a day on social media that is up 62.5 over 2012. Then in addition to that the average person spends 238 mins a day in front of the TV. These numbers are all pre Covid. I’m willing to bet they are higher now but new stats are not yet available. This doesn’t include gaming or any of the other things you do on your phone. But it adds up to 6.36 hours a day. Wow do you believe it? Almost a whole workday is spent on TV and social media. In fact employees accessing social media at work is estimated to cost employers $650 billion a year. How much is it costing you each year? $1000, $10,000, 100,000?

This year with covid things might even be higher. I am definitely not average but I spend a lot of time being entertained. I spent more time this year because of covid than in the past. It used to be I was actively going places being involved with things. Because covid shut those down I spend much more time in front of the TV. Now this just is. I don’t need to put a judgment on it. It is not good or bad nor am I good or bad for doing it. We just want to recognize how much and ask is that the way you want to spend your time?

So number one, get a good idea of what it is that you are spending your time on. You don't have to track it down to the min. But if you want there are programs that you can download that will track your phone, and social media time. You do want to get a general idea of how long it is. As an example, I know when I get into the social media rabbit hole I don’t come up for air in less than 15 mins. So if you check social media say just 10 times a day that is probably over an hour. This gives you an idea of what is going on.

So now that we know how much time and where we spend it we want to look at how we want to change that. Talk with family members and come up with a plan. We want to watch TV from this time to this. We want to go for a walk from this time to this. Every Sunday night have planning and set up the two things you want to concentrate on for the week. Schedule those into your calendar. As you start a task look at the 2 you said where most important is what you are starting on a high priority or low priority task. If you only reduced that time by 30 mins a day not counting weekends that would give you an extra 2.5 hours a week. What could you get done in 2.5 hours, a couple games with the kids? A date with your spouse?

Look at your procrastination. Why do you procrastinate? Forgive yourself for it. It is not good or bad it just is what has happened and you cannot change the past. Commit to making small changes and focus on what you want to happen. Reward yourself when you follow through. Have someone check up on you. Tackle high priority tasks as they come. Break things up into small chunk size tasks that are easy to complete in about an hour. You will have less to stress about. It is important to become a master at scheduling and planning.

Remember procrastination is a habit of delaying an important task for one that is less urgent, easier and more enjoyable. There are tools that you can put into place that will make it easier to focus on the things that you want. Tools make all the difference.

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So why do we all hear a similar inner bully? Why do so many of us question our abilities and self worth? Why are the negative things that creep into our minds so easy to believe? So number one on the list to overcome these thoughts of being a fraud is to breathe. When this starts your head can start spinning and you get filled with emotion. That is when it is important to focus on your breath, slow it down. This will cause shifts in your perspective and help to spark a healthier self narrative. As you go through this narrative be sure to fact check each thought. Fact check the thoughts that you are below average. Do not blindly accept any thought. Not every thought we have is true. Our thoughts are only that they are thoughts. Do not believe that inner bully.

Number 2 is to create an evidence sheet. This is a piece of paper or a digital notebook where you list all the evidence that counteracts your negative view of yourself. You do not have to agree at the time with the evidence. It can be a struggle to agree on the information because of the strength of that inner bully. Be curious and give your curiosity more weight than your criticism. Use this evidence sheet to just paint a little doubt in your mind about you being a fraud, then take that and build on it.

Number 3 on the list is to develop relationships that you can turn to for support. People that will understand and help you work through it. Peers that will call you on your crap. Have a mentor to lead you through. Success comes from the people you surround yourself with. If you have mentors and people who think about overcoming a problem they will upgrade your thinking and help you to raise your thought process and help you overcome problems. Asking for help this is actually a sign of strength. It takes little strength to suffer alone. But asking for help opens up all kinds of opportunities and the person who helps you will feel closer and more affection for you. Use your peers with whom you share resources, and cross check and cross reference, and do gut checks with. Relationships are very important to overcoming imposter syndrome.

Number 4: Expectation management is very important. Temper your expectation of yourself and do not compare yourself to others. Nobody wins when you compare yourself with others. Comparing myself to others is just a way of putting unrealistic expectations on myself. Most often I compare their strengths to my weakness. I never look at them as a whole person with strengths and weaknesses. I see only the things they have going for them. Then I look at myself and just the weaknesses I have not my strengths. I also hold myself to an impossible standard of perfection. It doesn’t matter if it is sustainable or achievable. If I can’t do it perfectly, why do it at all, right! This has not been a successful path for me. I have had to learn to give it my all and then move on.

Number 5: The final thing is to focus on your passion and vision. I put these podcasts out because I have a picture in my mind of you out there listening to this and taking it in making changes in your life and developing an amazing life. That is the end story. It is about you and what you gain from this. I am passionate about moving you towards this life.

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Emily is the CEO and creator at Hire Integrated. She is innovative, has vision and passionate. She is always looking for things that are broken and how to make them better. We are glad to have Emily here for she is creating an amazing life!

So you just launched Hire integrated last month, tell us about that? Is there a podcast that you will be doing?

Tell me what accomplishments you are most proud of:

When we were talking about this interview you mentioned me having high energy. Why is that important?

What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?

So Emily What is the next step for your business?

Tell us 3 reasons you’re different than others in your profession:

If you could only leave three things for this world and your kids what three things would you leave?

Where is the best place to find you: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilyrushtonrecruiter

https://hireintegrated.com/

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So what does owning our story look like. Well today for me it was changing the belief that the tough times had a message for me to change what I was doing. It was changing the pattern of giving up. Owning my story was accepting this is where I am, this is what I am experiencing and I need to move through it. It is different than taking it as a sign and moving on to the next thing. It is realizing I have been through tough times before and I will again. I just need to put my head down and keep marching. It means accepting and loving myself. Loving the chance to grow. Looking at the experiences as just experiences. Not assigning meaning or value to the experience. It is not that either is good or bad. Having to do things 2 or three times has taught me things. Having to move past the thought that the experience I had might be a message is something that I learned from. I now reacted to that experience different than I had in the past. This is all part of owning the story.

Our minds create and assign meaning to emotions making them either positive or negative. Many people want to just experience just the positive emotions, Parents often try to shield their children from negative emotions. But life's biggest paradox is the more we try to escape or run from suffering the more we suffer. People want to feel happy, loved, and all the other good feelings and not have to deal with the “negative.” But research shows that experiencing and accepting things like anger and sadness is vital to our mental health.

So how do we rewrite the story. So if we look at things that go wrong as an ability to show what we are made of it changes everything. You know when I look back on my life and I look at the toughest times when things were as dark as they had ever been. Times that I didn’t think I could live through. The first thing that I realize is I did live through them. The story that I told myself that I was unable to live through them was false. The other thing that I realize is that those are the times that were the riches and most powerful times in my life. My life would not have been happier had I not had any suffering. It would not be happier because there would have been little growth. Growth has caused me to be happy.

Our existence feeds from contrast. So integrate your feelings. We could not know joy without sorrow, How would you know peace without knowing anger, Without fear you could not be courageous. Do not look like you are a patient needing a cure. Suffering is not an anomaly it is part of being human. Social media has added gas to the fire. The pictures we see are of people that look perfect all the time and they look happy in every picture. We then compare ourselves to that and find that we don’t measure up. But the facts are you are judging a representation of a person not the whole person. Those pictures are single points in their lives. It is a time when they put on their best face.

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I know that many of you like me, suffer from anxiety and for many of you that comes with headaches. For some headaches may be a daily occurrence. I know people who suffer from this problem and they can be debilitating. Headaches and anxiety are a product of our lifestyle because we are living in a stressed state. You might have experience having to fit 28 hours worth of work into just 24 hours, needing to get sleep and eating in there also. Maybe your anxiety is about the world outside of you. Maybe it is about past experiences or traumas or maybe even it is tied to your self-worth. Wherever the stress comes from it then converts itself into dis-ease in the body. That pressure comes out as pain as you are not calm! When I get distressed, I get a knot in my shoulder which creates a lot of pain. Or the tension comes out as pain and distress in my stomach. I have been diagnosed with ulcers from the time I was 17 till in my 40’s. I also felt distress in restless leg syndrome. When I or you get overtaxed, worried, pressurized or stressed, it does affect the body. It shows up as pain!

Throughout history, lavender has been grown and cultivated for its flowers and oils. It has been used both cosmetically and medicinally. Lavender is primarily used either dried or as an essential oil. Historical use includes documented activity as an antibacterial, antifungal, carminative (reducing gas), sedative, and antidepressant. It was used in a study of people suffering from PTSD. Researchers found that anxiety was reduced and sleep improved significantly. It is compared with benzodiazepines, SSRI’s, and imipramine drugs. So the question is what will it do for you? Will it reduce your anxiety, relieve stress, reduce headaches? The answer is “maybe” It might be worth the try. If it works the good news is it is well accepted by the body and is easy on the liver and other organs. So there is not a downside to trying it. It is best to use a high quality Lavender oil as they come from the highest quality plants and have the most active constituents(good stuff that helps you feel better.) But it is definitely worth the try with all the up sides and no known side effects. It might make the difference you are looking for.

Now let's talk about ways you can use lavender to feel better. The 1st one is aromatherapy. Usually putting some lavender oil in some kind of diffuser or a bathtub to soak in. This can be good especially at times when you are breathing heavily due to the stressors. This is thought to have a physiological effect on the limbic system(the part of the brain that deals with emotions and memory.) Another way is you can use a spray bottle to spray it in your mouth or nose. I use lavender with lemon and peppermint oil when I am stuffy or have a sore throat. Then the final way we will discuss today is to ingest it. This is a great way to get healthy from the inside out.

There are a few ways to drink lavender. You can make tea from it. Or you can add it to lemonade.

Ingredients for lavender lemonade

1 cup of raw honey

12 cups of pure water

1 to 4 drops of lavender oil

6 lemons, peeled and juiced

lavender sprigs for garnish

Next you can insert leaves , petals and flowering tips to foods like salads, soups, pasta’s, or stew.

You can also use it in baking. Sprinkling them into cakes, scones, and biscuits. You can put some over ice cream or in Crème Brule for a treat.

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So the other day I watched the live action Mulan. I was struck by the statement Bravery, Loyalty, Truth… and Family Love.

Let’s start at the beginning with Bravery. Now we can gloss over the typical definition we all get that being brave is showing strength in the face of fear or danger. So let's look at what it means in our daily lives. Are you brave enough to be honest with yourself and those around you? Do you accept your flaws and weaknesses? Are those of you suffering from anxiety, are you brave enough to talk about those feelings and the experiences that created them? Those of you who are harboring resentments are you brave enough to tell those that hurt you? There is another part: are you accepting of your strengths and completeness? Those are also part of being brave. For many people they find it hard to accept their greatness. Then there is the strength to stand up to people you care about? Especially friends and family, if they say something that is unkind or unjust against someone else?

Next on the list is Loyalty, So are you faithful, and committed to your family, community, country, and God? Family and friends are the ones we think of most often. Maybe you think of loyalty as keeping your word, obeying family rules, commitment and shared experiences. If you are not feeling loyal to your family you have dropped the ball in one or more of those areas. Maybe you no longer share responsibilities or you are not sharing physical and emotional closeness. These can be dropped at any time even after 40 years of being in a relationship with someone. Many people call it falling out of love. Once this loyalty is dropped the relationship is in trouble and will end if things are not corrected. But let’s take this out further. What loyalty is owed to our community or country? Do we have shared rules and laws? Do we have shared experiences? Do we owe loyalty to those that have different rules or experiences than we do? Do you owe loyalty to those who are poor, a different skin color or nationality?

Now on to Truth. Truth is a subject of Philosophy. Many people get stuck on the truth. They bash others about the head with the “truth.” Many people think that their experience or theories equals the “body of real events or facts.” But does my or your experience actually equal “the Truth?” Truth by definition doesn’t change right. But have any of your ideas changed over the years as you have grown? I hope so, I sure have! What I believed was true about myself has changed. What I believed about the world and others has also changed. That is the whole idea we should learn and grow. If that is the case then it is not the truth that we had but a theory we held until we learned more and moved to the next supposition.

Lastly, Love of family. The love of family is sacred. Now this doesn’t excuse bad behavior! In fact it means that those who act out in any way against a family member, don't understand truth, honesty and know how to honor family love. This can be acting out with anger, violence, sex, verbally or any other way. Those that act out in any of those ways don’t understand family love. Family love should come from unique feelings, behaviors, challenges, and rewards that are only shared in deep long standing relationships. Family is about a group of people that function as a unit. They face trials and challenges together. They accept and support each other and lift each other up and provide grace for those times when family members make mistakes.

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Adam is a Humanitarian, Creator of social impact and financial solutions. He does consulting, coaching and writing. He is about creating moments of hope and happiness one opportunity and one day at a time…

Welcome Adam to Your Amazing Life!

You have 2 roles that you play that we are going to talk about today right. Tell me about those and your dream for them.

Founder & Executive director of Refugee Soccer Managing Partner of Bridges Consulting: https://bridgestoyourbest.com/

Company or brand:

https://refugeesoccer.org/

https://bridgestoyourbest.com/

What is the next step?

Refugee Soccer-

Crack the funding code and free up more of my time to focus on expanding this important work.

Bridges Consulting-

Continuing to work hard for current clients and then market my services more broadly while getting referrals.

What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?

The family and financial strife resulting from my divorce in 2016.

What’s a goal you have for yourself that you want to accomplish in the next year?

Delivering 100 unpoppable soccer balls to 3,000+ kids living in IDP/Refugee camps in Boko Haram territory in NE Nigeria. https://refugeesoccer.org/ballsforborno/

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There are many studies that have shown a strong association between anxiety and respiratory symptoms.

Some symptoms that can occur during this response and as a result of anxiety include:

faster breathing (hyperventilation) breathe faster lungs cannot process the air and remove oxygen, chest tightness, breathlessness or a feeling of suffocation, feeling like you have a lump in your throat, muscle tension, heart palpitations (feels like a stronger, faster heartbeat), feeling faint, dizzy, or unsteady, nausea or stomach discomfort, restlessness, irritability, or feeling on edge

When you feel anxiety Your body goes into fight or flight and prepares and wants to get more oxygen to the muscles. But what actually happens is that the amount of oxygen that your body can use is reduced. So you need to slow the breathing. Hold the breath for longer periods. Allow the lungs the time to extract the oxygen and put it into the bloodstream. These are normal symptoms and are meant to be life saving. There may be others that are a better fit for your situation. They were meant to get you running top speed in the fastest period of time. If you don’t need to run you might want to look at changing your body to not prepare you for it.

You might not even know if you are a mouth breather. Here are some symptoms you might have if you are.

• Snoring
• dry mouth
• bad breath (halitosis)
• Hoarseness
• waking up tired and irritable
• chronic fatigue
• brain fog
• dark circles under the eyes

There are numerous causes of mouth breathing like congestion, nasal polyps, enlarged adenoids or tonsils, and lastly behaviors like smoking can increase your mouth breathing. So there are many different treatments. Here are some ways to prevent mouth breathing.

• Using saline nasal mists and sprays and nasal decongestants or allergy reliever medications at the first sign of allergy or cold symptoms

  • My favorite is a cocktail of essential oils ⅓ part lemon, peppermint, and lavender oils. Can be sprayed in either mouth or nose and it will burn out any mucus in your airways.
  • Sleeping on your back with your head elevated to open up the airways and promote nasal breathing
  • Keeping your house clean and free of allergens
  • Installing air filters in your heat and air conditioning (HVAC) systems to prevent the spread of allergens in your house
  • Consciously practicing breathing through your nose during the day to help force yourself into a habit of nose breathing

If you’re experiencing stress or anxiety, it may help to engage in yoga or meditation practice.

• Yoga is beneficial for people who breathe through their mouths as a result of stress because it focuses on deep breathing through the nose.
• Restorative yoga is designed to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and promote slower deep breathing through the nose.

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I was hanging out with my little sister and she has three little ones. They are as adorable as can be. The oldest is 5ish and the middle is three. Both are girls. Then the baby is a boy. It was so funny to hear the conversations they had with themselves. The middle one cracked me up over and over with the conversations she had with herself. They were always full of drama. She talked about how she was going to be hurt at the park and how this and that would happen to her. She was telling herself all these stories. They all had some sort of doom and gloom to them. They were off the wall. Right now she is just learning to tell stories. She is just adorable as she tells these funny, yet drama filled stories.

We all come into this world different than everyone else. We have different wants and needs from day one. You can see this in every child even twins are different from each other. You are different and that is as it should be. You are unique! Not just your DNA or Fingerprints. You have different backgrounds, perspectives, talents, capabilities and personalities. Because of that this world is only complete because of you. You are here with certain traits and you have something only you can offer this world. That is why we need you to be the person you can be! We need you to be your best self. We do not need you to be like someone else. Nor do we need you to hide your greatness. You are different and we need your difference in this world!

With all this individuality that we have as a young child we start to bury it. Later we try to do exactly the same as the person next to us. We want to fit in the cookie cutter. We try to fit in, conform, and hide. Many of us want to be average. We try to parrot others. We feel that if we act like someone else we will be liked or accepted. If we are all the same, there is nothing special that we can contribute. If you can’t bring a thought that is outside of mine boy would that be boring. If there are people out there who can’t appreciate you for the amazing person that you are that is their problem not yours. They are really shallow. Those who change to be part of the with others. Every time I have compared myself I pick one or 2 things to compare. I can’t compare all of them with all of me so it is always comparing apples and oranges.

YOU were meant to:

• express your uniqueness
• build connections
• create innovative solutions
• help those around you by bringing joy, wisdom and compassion
• make a positive difference in the world

You are meant to do all of this in distinct ways that no-one else can replicate. This is who you are! You will not fail at this, as it is innate. If you do not embrace you and your uniqueness you can change the amount of people you build connections with. You can create either more or less depending on your story. You have the ability to affect the amount of the difference you offer to this world but you cannot change that you are here and that you make a difference. So let your unequalled abilities and quirkiness show. Embrace the majesty that you are! Be satisfied only with the person you are capable of being. Let yourself be guided by passion not by fashion. Forge your own path! I can help you with this just as I have many others!

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We are talking about Indecision being “The Great Thief of opportunity” Jim Rohn

Indecision holds us back from getting what we want more than anything else. Decision is a muscle that must be worked and strengthened. The reason we don’t make decisions is we are living out of fear. We give into fear and are unable to make a decision. Those who do not know what they want will never know what they get. I get this. I used to have a difficult time making a decision as to where I wanted to go to dinner and anything above that was right out. I lived in fear of missing out on experiences, or of making the wrong choice. Indecision was a great big issue in my life.

Indecision is closely related to fear in fact I don’t think anyone can have indecision without fear. Many like me feel the fear of failure. This fear creeps in and then starts to take over your entire body. The fear you feel is not the fear that the body is created to deal with that creates fight or flight, no this fear stays with you long term and takes a toll on your body. I know when I would have difficulties with indecision and fear my shoulder would hurt. There would be a big ole knot that would ache really badly. For a time this was a permanent part of my life. I was in pain daily and taking Medications to dull the pain and my life. Procrastination is also a part of indecisiveness. Procrastination is a trait that is developed and leaves its victim with a sense of insecurity. Those that suffer from procrastination fear that their potential to execute the plan and attain the goal is inadequate. Unless you are wired differently than I am, indecision and fear go hand in hand.

The other thing that creates indecision is ignorance. Lacking knowledge or having the ability to receive quick answers often leads to delayed judgement. Many people in this position will rely on advice or pressure from others. To move forward and then later will regret their actions. For some it might be a lack of knowledge that drives their indecisiveness. But for most of us it is a perceived lack of knowledge rather than authentic lack. For most of us this belief in our ignorance is also a fear. We fear we don’t know enough to make the correct decision. There are a few cases when we might lack the needed knowledge but that is the minority of the time.

So how do we overcome indecisiveness? First thing is to act. There will be small thoughts that come to you and as you act on those more will come. Start with something simple like the food you want to eat. Make a decision even if you don’t have a preference. Taking that action will let you see more opportunities to make decisions in the future. This is like a muscle, work it out, start with small weights and many reps.

Make a decision quickly! Most decisions do not take much or any home work. Just say the decision that pops into your head. Making decisions quickly will create a positive experience in your life. With some major decisions it is okay to take a little time on, but do not spend major time on minor decisions. Make the decision quickly.

Next compare the Cost or Worth: What would it cost you in 20 years, then compare that to what it will be worth to you and how it will change in your life.

think about how you will talk about it in the future will you say I wish I hadn’t or I’m glad I did. Use that to help in your decision. Lastly look at whether it is a good wolf or bad wolf thing. What decision would the good wolf make.

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He is a High ticket affiliate marketer. He is passionate about helping others succeed. He is the owner of an online marketing course. Give an Amazing Welcome to Skyler Cutler.

Skyler I’m glad to have you here today. So tell us about what you do?

What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life? Too many to pick just one. Rough childhood. Almost losing my life. To name a few.

What do you think are the best skills that you bring to your business? Honesty and Integrity. Compassion and truly caring about my tribe. Very fast learner.

Tell me what accomplishments you are most proud of: Starting 2 online businesses. Shooting a guitar demo for a guitar company. Moving out on my own before I graduated high school.

If you could only leave three things for this world and your kids what three things would you leave? The ideology of leaving this place better than you found it, showing them.

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/skyler.cutler.94

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The Greatest Prison that People Live in is the Fear of What Other People Think ~ - David Icke.

Why do you think David Icke compares one's fears to a prison? So prison is where one is held for punishment, prison reduces the rights and privileges you have. It also reduces what you can see. So is fear a place that we punish ourselves? Fear reduces what we see and it takes away our privileges. Right? Fear locks us into a box. One that diminishes our view of the world and ourselves. So fear can take away our liberty right, reducing our ability to do things that do not fit into the box that fear has built. It is that we make ourselves a slave not to what people think about us but what we think people think about us. Our fears about what others think may be correct or they could be totally off base. We might have built the prison on faulty assumptions but it holds us just the same.

Lao Tzu stated “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” If you care about what others think, you allow them to control your actions. This gives them power over you. I did this for more years than I can count. If I look back on it the reason is I gave more power or had more confidence in their beliefs than I did in mine. That is one of the reasons. Another is the shame I felt about who I was. That shame reduced me and elevated others and their beliefs. But this was a learned behavior. We make ourselves prisoners when we care what others think.

So how do you move into living your own life and have confidence in your own thoughts? How do you feel healthy and happy with you and your thoughts? How do you move away from accepting the thoughts you think others are thinking about you and taking those as gospel? Let us for the sake of augment say that the opinion you think comes from someone else really does. Their opinion doesn’t need to become your reality.

1. Own your thoughts: When you think that someone else is thinking badly about you realize that is your thought not theirs. Remember: people will think what they'll think. Relax and accept that you only know what you think others are thinking about you, not what they actually are thinking.
2. Learn to enjoy your individuality: So for me, I am energetic, I am vibrant, I am excitable. I can tell stories about how that makes me weird and unlovable, or I can accept that is me and see how it makes me lovable. There are always at least two viewpoints that I can take about me. I can enjoy my individuality or I can demonize it.
3. See the best in others by not assuming they see the worst in you: Think about it. What do you think of your best friend? What would the thoughts that you have about them be different than the thoughts they have about themselves? Does the things your friends and family say about you congruent with or at odds with the thoughts you believe they have about you?
4. Change your story: Practice caring more about what you think about yourself. When the thoughts of what another might think of you come up change the story. Realize that is not their thought but yours being portrayed onto them. Then accept that your thoughts can be changed. Realize that your story is just “false evidence appearing real.” That your story doesn't need to become reality. It becomes reality only through your belief that it is true. You are the only one with the power to change it.

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Right now many people feel that things are going bad. We started with Covid 19 and then moved to a man being killed. Then we had riots throughout the US. The summer hit and we had brutal fires and huge storms that left 100,000’s of people homeless. Then we had the election and more riots. People are struggling right. They are feeling unheard, marginalized, taken advantage of.

This reminds me of a story. The only survivor of a shipwreck washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stung with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried.

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember next time your little hut is burning to the ground- - it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.

But the problem with this is we only look for the first part of the story. We look at the part when we are shipwrecked, we concentrate at the fact that no one has saved us. We focus on the part that our hut burned to the ground. We might give small acknowledgement to the fact that we were then rescued but then we examine the next steps that when we returned our spouse had moved on, and we lost our job and were pronounced dead having been gone so long. The thing is that life is sandwiched between growth opportunities. Growth opportunities can be described as difficulties. But growth is what brings happiness. It is what this life is about.

How do we retell the story? How do you look only at the things that happen as steps rather than the end?

1. Be mindful of the language you use. Often our language attaches value, it involves judgement. It assigns the experience into a binary code. Either “good” or “bad.’ But that takes away all of the intricacies that are involved with and experiences. It produces emotions.
2. Shift the focus from what happened to what can be learned. What did the experience bring you? What did you learn while being stranded on the Island? Maybe you learned that you can take care of yourself. Maybe that you can do hard things.
3. Start a story about where this experience can take you to in the future. Because the hut burned down or the transmission blew up I can now experience (fill in the blank)

So I now know that things happen, that they can cause growth and they catapult me into the next experience. They are neither good nor bad, they just are. I am much happier and less stressed looking at things this way. My experiences are just that, they are experiences. My stories are my stories. I can't always choose my experiences but I can always choose my stories.

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So you probably have heard of the 80/20 rule. Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto came across this back in 1895. It is also referred to as the rule of the vital few. He found that all economic activity was subject to this principle. As a principle this applies to your life. Understanding this rule is essential to building your life!

• Only 20% of the shows you watch you probably like
• 80% of the time spent on your phone is useless
• You don’t need about 80% of the photos you have
• You wear 20% of the clothes you own, 80% of the time
• You read 20% of the blogs and newsletter that you are subscribed to
• You get 80% of your work done in 20% of your time
• 80% of distractions come from 20% of sources

Instead of productivity let’s look at value and happiness. What are the 20% of things that you do that produce 80% of your happiness? There is no need to worry about or try to make sweeping changes in your life. Look at the 80% of what you eat. Are they the foods that give you strength and vitality? Do the 20% of the relationships you feel the needs you have?

The good news about this is that you just need to focus on a vital few things, not change 100% to have a much different life. It is way less overwhelming to look at eating 20% more vegetables and 20% less of the foods that do not add to my health. 20% of the food you eat adds to your weight. So all you need to do is make simple changes. You got this!!!! 20% more time focused exercising!!! Easy!! Because 80 % of value is achieved with 20% of effort. So you just need to increase your good behaviors by a small amount for big differences.

To make a difference in your mood, making small changes in your free time will go a long way to foster your happiness and mood. Ask yourself do 20% of your experience provide 80% of your happiness?

I like to eat out and when I do I pick carefully. It is not just about something that fills my stomach it is about the experience. In my favorite places I always meet and become acquainted with the managers or owners. The experience is one that fills my tummy and my spirit.

Look at your life and your relationships. Does 20% of your relationships provide 80% of support and enjoyment? What little tweaks can you make that will increase the support and enjoyment you feel from that same 20%?

1. Goals: compare the resources needed – time, money, energy, etc. – to the potential benefits
2. Habits & Routines: 20% of the power habits create 80% of value in your life What are these?
3. Decluttering: throw away 20% of the things that take 80% of the space
4. Daily tasks: if possible, outsource 20% of daily chores that bring you 80% of the stress.
5. Digital: 20% of your files use up 80% of the space; you use 20% of applications (in both computer and phone) 80% of the time; you use 20% of the gadgets 80% of the time

I hope you do 20% more of the things that bring happiness this year

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Welcome to Thursdays Exchange. Today we are talking with Leslie Ehm. I’m excited to get to know more about her. She is a Swagger Coach, Author, Speaker and Chief Fire Starter at Combustion Training. Her new book “SWAGGER: Unleash Everything You Are and Become Everything You Want” will be published in Spring 2021.

Welcome to Your Amazing Life,

So let’s start with your definition of swagger cause it is different. Tell me about that?

What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life? I’m someone who sees opportunities everywhere. I’m fearless in pursuing them. When you aim high, it’s always tough for a while. That’s part of carving your own path. The toughest thing is rising to the challenges that I set for myself.

Do you have any skills or talents that most people don’t know about? I’m a passionate amateur boxer and I used to be a singer.

So how will swagger change people's lives? How do people develop swagger?

If you could only leave three things for this world and your kids what three things would you leave?

Where do you hang out, what is the best place to get ahold of you I know your on LinkedIn.

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I’ve heard a number of people talk about Imposter syndrome which this is part of. It all comes back to the thought that “I am not good enough.” I don’t care if you are president of a country, a CEO, or a janitor. You deal with this on some level, right? Maybe yours is the subgroup of the Perfectionist, the Superwoman/man, the Natural Genius, the Soloist, or the Expert. Proposed by DR. Valerie Young in her book. These feelings are typical feelings even for high achievers.

So if you feel this way over 70% of others also report feeling this way so you are in good company. But if you are feeling this way what do you do how do you overcome it?

1. Acknowledge the thoughts and put them into perspective: Question these thoughts. Doubt them ask yourself ‘Does this thought help or hinder me?’If you think you have to do it all yourself, Examine that thought and look at the all perspectives. If you do not ask for help you can slow down the entire team.
2. Share those thoughts and feelings with trusted friends and or mentors:. Many of them have gone through something similar and will be able to help you through it.
3. Recognize your expertise and what you do well: Look at both training and experience, give yourself credit for what you know and do well.
4. Do not let your doubts control your actions: You can feel like an imposter and move forward anyways.

There are times when I question whether or not I have what it takes to coach people or produce this podcast. I often find myself feeling like an imposter. I have struggled with the superman issue. I look at others and think that they are better or know more than I do. I also feel like I have to be better to be a coach. This is something that I work on. I do have these thoughts. I look at them and realize these thoughts are and It really doesn’t matter if these are the things I am feeling. I can act anyways. I can put out my podcast even when it is a struggle. I can talk to mentors and rely on what they see in me. I can recognize the training and experience I have accumulated. Then I just have to act.

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It has been scientifically proven that what we think about and what we look for we actually bring into being. This is not really widespread but the info is out there. Right now the entire world is putting so much attention and energy into Covid and then we can’t believe that it is growing. Well what we pay attention to grows. So with the attention that covid is getting of course it is growing. Each thought has an energy. Energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be transferred or converted. This is why our thoughts are so important. They have energy and they build our world around us. Our thoughts create our world.

Creativity is important to us and our mental health according to Forbes “Technical creativity helps you problem solve and create new theories and ideas, while artistic creativity is a form of expression, and is also necessary for psychological well-being… ” Then John Cleese, a great comedian stated “that creativity is like a tortoise: It pokes its head out nervously to ensure the environment is safe before it fully emerges. Creative thinking won’t happen when you’re nervous, stressed, or busy.” I find this in my life. If I am nervous, stressed or let other things come into my mind it reduces my creativity and makes things tougher to do.

1. Practice gratitude: Be thankful not only for the things in your life. Things like homes, cars, clothes, people. But also be thankful for experiences. I am grateful that the fiancé I had years ago put an end to our relationship. Because had she not I would not be married to the wonderful woman that I am and I would not have grown with her for the last 29 years. Now at the time It was painful. But out of that pain was born greatness. So be thankful that you could feel that pain and it allowed you to become who you are today.
2. Concentrate on the things you want: Like we talked about the things that we concentrate on is what we see and experience. In the late 80’s I bought a Nissan 280 ZX and once I bought it I started seeing them everywhere. What you concentrate on will increase so look for things that happen for you rather than too you.
3. Tell yourself a new story: Instead of the Drama that you allow your mind to create, make it an inspiration. In every good story or movie the beginning makes us really uncomfortable. This is because to make it inspiring they have to experience a negative event and then move past it by changing the story behind it. One of the best illustrations of this is the movie “Shallow Hal” with Jack Black. It made me so uncomfortable I wanted to turn it off multiple times in the first 20 mins. He was sooo shallow and it really bothered me. But then it got into the transformation he had. Now could he have had that transformation without the problems. No, He was only able to become because of what he had been through.

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So let’s start with Emotions and where they come from. They start inside of each of us. If we feel anger, frustration, fear, or something else they all start inside. It is not from someone outside of us nor is it caused by what they do. We often blame others and look to the triggers rather than the feelings. It is the feeling we have inside that we then mirror and see it reflected back to us because of a trigger that the other person hit. It's like a pressure cooker and after it builds up, the pressure has to be released, it's got to come out somehow many times onto someone. So a person's anger or frustration, even if directed at me is not personal, It is showing up because that person has that emotion inside of them boiling up and spilling out onto me. So if I am fearful then I am going to show anxiety out in the world and with those that I deal with. But anxiety is not the base of the issue. The base is the fear. I’m feeling fear and it is showing up as anxiety. Many people in our society today bundle up and suppress the emotions they are feeling. That only works for a certain time period. Those emotions will eventually explode if they are not given an outlet.

Then if someone throws up their emotion all over us it often then triggers in us a feeling or buried emotion in us. That is why there is a trigger there. So if my Step mom says something rude if there is a trigger if I question on some level what she said that emotion will get released. Now it is easy to say that she caused the feeling right I mean I wouldn’t have felt it had she not said that right! Well the truth is that is not the case. I did actually have that feeling inside of me it just was not in the conscious areas of my body and brain. It is like boiling water if you have a pot of water that is cold. The time it takes to heat the water to boiling can take quite a while. But if you have a pot on a back burner and just let it simmer it takes very little time or energy to get it to boil. That is what is going on in your life. You are keeping the pot warm ready to boil over if anything stokes the fire. Then when you get triggered. Boom!!!

Some people explode and others can implode when pushed by triggers to feel emotions. But in either of these experiences the thing that is the same is the emotion is not dealt with. I have had times when I blew up all over someone as they had stocked the fire that I had simmering. But back when I was a teenager, and I was so good at this, I knew my dad's trigger points and how to push them. I also knew when he was ready to blow and could most often drop it just before he got there. I told my dad this and he was so mad but he knew I was right. But it gave me control of the relationship. And then there are times when I am triggered but I bury it and turn my emotion inward. Those are three of the possibilities. They each work differently with different people and emotions. None of them work great for both people in the relationship. They all have down sides. But there is at least one more option to try. That is feeling and embracing that emotion. Run it through to any logical end. Look at the options that you come up with and see what it is. If it is a fear what is the very farthest the fear can go.

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Today we will be talking with My good friend Murray Beaulieu, With Boosted Profits. Murray has a passion for getting people out of debt and building equity and helping them live well and preparing them to win the money game. Murray has vision and wonderful interpersonal skills. It is my pleasure to introduce Murray Beaulieu.

So Murray, Welcome to Your Amazing Life!

Tell me about the accomplishment that you are most proud of for last year?

What has been the toughest thing you have faced last year?

(Intermission)

What has this program done for you and how has it changed your life?

What are the three things that you want your kids, grandkids and the world to know about that you have learned from this life?

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So our food can be divided up into both Macro and Micro nutrients which are the fuel our bodies use. Micronutrients are the vitamins and minerals that we need for our body. The letters like Vitamin A,B,C and so forth. They are also things like Iodine, and other minerals and antioxidants. They are things we need to survive. But we often don’t recognize the effects if we don’t eat enough of them. They affect our health in a big way. Then there are the Macronutrients. Specifically, they refer to carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. If we don’t get these we can notice problems pretty quickly. When these are out of whack it affects our weight drastically. When you look at the package of a food most of the nutrition facts deal with Macronutrients. Which are the proteins, fats, and carbs. Both micro and macronutrients are very important to our health and wellness.

The action you could put into place that would make the most difference in your life is looking at the nutrition facts on every package or food that you buy. This is the best way to reduce your sugar intake. Look at the label for things like the number of sugars, also the carbs and compare them with the number of dietary fibers. If it is high in fiber then your body will use up many more sugars. Other things to look at are saturated or trans fat. You want these to be 0 or very low. Omega 3 fatty acids and saturated fats are important building blocks of the body and are used by the brain. Some proteins can only be obtained by the body thru diet. So eating high quality proteins is imperative. This action will give you sensational rewards!

Research shows time and again that what we eat affects our Mental wellbeing as well as our physical health. The relationship between obesity and mental health problems is complex. Results from a 2010 systematic review found two-way associations between depression and obesity, finding that people who were obese had a 55% increased risk of developing depression over time, whereas people experiencing depression had a 58% increased risk of becoming obese. This fits so well as Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate sleep, appetite, mediate moods, and inhibit pain. Since about 95% of your serotonin is produced in your gastrointestinal tract, and your gastrointestinal tract is lined with a hundred million nerve cells, or neurons, this makes it a “second brain” so it makes sense that the inner workings of your digestive system don’t just help you digest food, but also guide your emotions.

Pay close attention to how eating different foods and when you eat them change the way you feel. Not just in the moment but the next day? To kick your body into high gear and start feeling good fast, Harvard School suggests eating “clean” for 2 or three weeks (cutting out all processed foods and sugar). You can then reintroduce them one by one and see how it causes you to feel. I did an eating plan like this, it changed my health and my diet. I recommend it! I have something you could follow if you want help developing a plan to set up a time for us to talk. Change what you eat and it will change your life.

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Many of you have been staying at home much more and sheltering in place. Which means that you haven’t been seeing people. This has taken a crippling toll on many of you and you feel alone. With the Covid Vaccinations starting, things should start to open up. Many of us have been fighting our depression and feeling alone much more than we did before Covid. How are we going to change that? Many people thought that with social media and technology we would feel more connected but we haven’t. Connecting through video chats and Facebook has left us feeling more lonely rather than less. These are counterfeit connections that do not completely fulfill the needs we have. Now because of Covid we need each other more than ever. Before Covid loneliness was spiraling into an epidemic (2018 Kaiser Family Foundation survey found 22% of Americans say they feel constantly alone) this has lead to an increase in suicide and other health problems. Our society needs to get a hold on the epidemic of loneliness and yet no one is working on a vaccination or cure.

So loneliness has many causes and health risks and can be very unique to an individual, but what can we do if we are suffering from it. First off, If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

Ways you can combat loneliness and to feel more connected. First off, name it, call it what it is, validate your feelings. Then look at the connections you have and how those relationships appear in your life. Look at ways you might deepen those relationships and reconnect with loved ones. In my life I was feeling some effects of loneliness and so I set up having lunch with one of my boys every other week. This has been a blessing in my life as well as the lives of my boys. Then make sure you have 3 to 4 close friends. People are very integral to warding off the negative effects of loneliness. It is not about the Quantity of social interactions but the quality of them. For most times and people internet, chats and social media are low quality interactions. These often do not fill the needs you have to prevent loneliness. If you are feeling the effects of loneliness they can be overcome.

Some of the things that can help:

• Community service
• Exercise
• Tell yourself a different story expecting the best of social interaction
• Focus on developing quality relationships
• Recognize the signs of loneliness
• Understand the effects in your life
• Learn or create something new
• Engage in a hobby or club
• Put your hand over your heart or get a massage. Lack of physical touch is connected to loneliness.
• Adopt a pet

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Today we will talk about motivation and habits. “Motivation is what gets you started, Habit is what keeps you going.” Jim Ryun

Motivation is a powerful tool. I’m sure you’ve experienced it. You watch a video or join a group or seminar. You hear these excited people that deliver to you a picture of the life that you want. They talk about the things that spike your emotions. They give you this high feeling like you can take on the world. You have all sorts of plans and new ideas to implement into your life. You go home and you are so excited and motivated for what is to come. Then you go to sleep and when you wake up the motivation is gone. The feelings are gone, the ideas are gone. So now what?

Let’s look more at Motivation. It is the process that initiates, guides and maintains goal oriented behaviors. Motivation causes action. What are the things that cause motivation? Some have an inner drive and others have an instinct that propel them to action. They are also driven by our needs and habits. So each day is a new slate. It is the video game restart switch. It is the new life. What will you do with today. Will you build up the motivation. Will you create and accomplish? And if so how?

Motivation can:

• Improve efficiency of work
• Help people take action
• Encourage people to engage in healthy behaviors.
• Aid in avoiding unhealthy or maladaptive behaviors
• Assist people to feel control in their lives. Not in control of life.
• Improve wellness and happiness.

So if Motivation fluctuates and is not something you can count on how do you get through those times when you are drenched? That is when habits kick in. For example you are driving home and planned to stop at the store on your way. But you’re thinking about something else. Next thing you know you're in the driveway without any dinner. This is because of habit. You didn’t need to be motivated to drive home. You didn’t need a pep talk. It wasn’t something that you debated on whether or not you should do it. Once you were in the car you just did. It is habits like this that we need to build in our lives. More things should be built into habits. The habits we have built in our lives correlate with the success we have in life. Let me say that again. It is important, The habits we have created in our lives are in direct proportion to the success we enjoy.

So If motivation fluctuates we need to use motivation when we have it to build habits that will thrust us through the times when it is low so that we continue to move in the direction we want to go. There are three patterns to each and every habit you have.

1. Cue:
2. Craving:
3. Response:
4. Reward:

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Today we are going to be looking at the life of Lois Wilson, an amazing example and one of this century's most important women. She had to learn and grow through some tough times.

"I believe that people are good if you give them half a chance and that good is more powerful than evil.

The world seems to me excruciatingly, almost painfully beautiful at times, and the goodness and kindness of people often exceed that which even I expect." This is a statement by Lois Burnham Wilson who is the co-founder of Al Anon Family groups. She is the wife of Bill Wilson who wrote The Big Book for Alcoholics Anonymous. There is a new movie out about her story called When Love is Not Enough. It is a very ruff story to watch. My family and I stumbled on it the other night and watched it. And at even ½ hour in they are still working towards the bottom of the story and how many times Bill relapsed. We wanted to turn it off because it was so heavy and showing all the problems they were experiencing. It was so worth it. It was a tough life and they never got back what they lost. But they made such a difference in the lives of people. Lois found such good in people, even those who were struggling with addiction.

Lois has been touted as one of the 20th century most important women. It is due to her tireless vision and efforts that the Al-anon organization is what it is today and why it continues to attract so many members with its message of hope and inspiration. What does this mean to you and I? Maybe you don’t have an addict in your life. This amazing woman has much to offer in her story. Her life didn’t turn out how she expected it. Yet she did not lose faith in anything. She found a way to make a difficult situation into one that changed countless lives.

I’m betting that one of the biggest hurdles you will face is overcoming the doubters in your life. If you are like me one of the largest cynic might even be yourself. You may hold the belief that you are not good, smart, or rich enough. Maybe that your dreams are silly. It may be that you heard that from a parent or respected person and took it to heart. If you look at Lois’s life it is obvious that both she and Bill suffered from these thoughts. You do not have to stop these thoughts or not have them in order to do something great if so none of us would do anything. Like bravery is not the absence of fear but the action of moving through fear and doing things despite the fear.

Many of us fear that we will fail. But we only fail if we quit. There are ups and downs to all of life. Each thing we do will have slopes. We will scale mountains and plunge down. Our lives are meant to have both. So if we dive down and keep going it is not failure. The key to ascending towards success is in perpetual action. This is also something that Lois experienced. She felt she had failed when he drank , when she was unable to have children, and when she lost the house. There was a lot of pain with each of those experiences. But she never stopped. She kept moving and trying new things to get to where she wanted to be.

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Maybe the one you won’t forgive is yourself. I totally get that at age 17 I wrote a short poem and it has stuck with me ever since.

“I can forgive him and her of this and that.

Anyone and everyone of anything and everything

Why can’t I forgive myself?”

Forgiving yourself is most likely the toughest work you will ever do. Those things that we have trouble forgetting tend to stick in our mind. You may feel captive and without options. Know that there are ways for you to move forward. Know that it is worth working on that YOU are worth forgiving. It doesn’t matter what you have done, you are worth it and you can feel forgiveness if you choose. Self forgiveness for no matter what it is that you have done is possible even though it is tough.

1. Keep in mind that forgiving yourself is a strength and not a weakness.

So many people look at forgiveness as a weakness. But that is a lie holding a grudge against yourself is the easy road.

Allow and affirm that you are imperfect and complex 2. Maybe the one you won’t forgive is yourself. I totally get that at 17 I wrote a short poem and it has stuck with me ever since. rejuvenate feelings of wholeness 3. Forgiveness increases your ability to make amends and to stop from acting in that way again.

Remove any moral context and seek to enhance yourself.

I unconditionally forgive myself for my past decisions and actions.

I release anger, shame, guilt, and embarrassment.

I love and trust myself to learn from this and build a better future.

Grudges are like knots. When you tie a knot in a rope it is fairly easy to untie at the time. Over time the knots tighten and grow stronger till they are almost impossible to untie. Those knots are within you and they create stress and adverse emotions in the body. Release the knots in your life. Let go of the grudges you are holding, especially the grudges you hold against yourselves.

Forgiveness requires sustained effort and commitment. Forgiveness doesn’t go with feeling guilty or ashamed so let go of those emotions. They are different from remorseful or contrite. It is good to feel remorse and have that move you forward. Shame is not helpful. Do not entertain shame.

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Those who value forgiveness lead happier healthier lives. You might say well yeah. But it is not always that easy to put into play in my life. Maybe there is someone who abused or harmed you.

You might have experienced something like that. But forgiveness is maybe the most important step towards healing and moving on. But some people say but I can’t let them off the hook for what they did. But the truth is unless you put them on the hook you cannot let them off. Forgiveness is not forgetting nor is it condoning. There is Karma in this world every action we take has an equal and opposite action. When we do something that hurts another it has to be paid for. That is also the premise for Christ’s coming. It is a natural law that each thing we do will be paid for! You cannot change that for you or for anyone else. Forgiveness is letting go of the need of revenge, and it is releasing the negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment. That is why it helps us to heal and move on.

The awe-inspiring story of Eva Mozes Kor, a Survivor of the Auschwitz concentration camp comes to mind, She was experimented on by Dr Josef Mengele while in the camp She suffered not just the atrocities of the camp but the insidious mistreatment of a DR. After almost 50 years after her liberation from the camp she decided to forgive her torturer. She described the experience as “Self empowering , self-healing and self-liberation.” Eva discovered that she, like us, could not change the horrific things that happened to her but she can change how she related to them. We don’t need to compare the atrocities you have had to face with hers. If you want to feel self empowered, liberated and healed. You can be through forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a learned behavior and we can cultivate and execute it with practice. Research is showing astounding benefits for those who learn to forgive.

According to studies by Akhtar & Barlow, here are the benefits of forgiveness?

1. Forgiveness reduces negative affect

holding a grudge feels terrible. Forgiveness minimizes the effects like depression, anger hostility, stress and distress 2. Forgiveness promotes positive affect

Forgiveness can do a lot more than make us feel less bad. It can also increase our general levels of happiness, satisfaction, and compassion 3. Forgiveness provides freedom

People who cannot or do not forgive are often trapped in a storm of negative emotions and, at the extreme, may devote their entire lives to avenging their hurt. Forgiveness can provide freedom from an endless quest for revenge. 4. Forgiveness heals individuals

When you forgive someone, it is not always necessary to tell them about it. In this way, forgiveness can be solely for the healing and empowerment of the injured person. 5. Forgiveness can heal relationships

Sometimes the person who has committed the offense is an important or irreplaceable loved one. In cases where the injured individual wants to preserve their relationship, forgiveness may be the path toward this goal.

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So I saw this post from @KatyLeeson the other day and thought this was worth talking about.

You can be committed to work and take time off.

You can be a leader and delegate task.

You can be consistent and have an occasional “bad day.”

You can be a problem solver AND ask for help.

You can be flexible AND prioritized family.

Many of us find it hard to delegate. The reason we give is the number of hours that we would spend in training them to do the job is more than it would take us to do it. That can be true in the short run. If we are delegating our emails to an assistant or training our kid to clean the bathroom. We can spend more than twice the time for the first couple times. But the fact remains that once they are trained it would reduce our time spent over the year. This is true as long as you have a good training procedure and actually let go of it after the other person is trained. Many times we do not delegate not because of the time it would take to train but because of our not wanting to let go of the control. If you are honest with yourself it is probably more about control than time.

I consider myself a problem solver. I also consider myself a service person. It has taken me years to be able to accept service and not just give it. Giving service is the easy thing to do. It helps me to feel good and feeds my ego. Yet accepting help is different, to accept help we need to look at ourselves and feel worthy of the help. So the other day we were in a restaurant and a nice young woman around 20 came up to my dad as she had seen his Marine Corps Hat. She wanted to thank him for his service. She was very kind.. This sweet gal was so nice and we talked to her for a couple of mins. She then asked if she could buy us a couple of cookies. Now neither I nor my Dad needed any cookies and we could have said no thank you. But she wanted to serve us, instead of making it about us. And what we did or did not do, whether or not we deserved it, we made it totally about her and let her serve us in the way she wanted. Whether or not we deserved or needed it. We allowed her to swerve us, and thanked her for her kindness. Many people say no thanks, but often that is because it is about them. I have a cousin that was in the army and he discounts his service to our country, he doesn’t consider himself a Veteran. I mean if I were to compare my service to the service of others I could say that mine was less or different. That is something that the Ego would do. It doesn’t serve anyone to make ourselves smaller. I attempt not to do that.

It can be difficult to take time off, delegate, be consistent, ask for help and be flexible. But learning those things will make your life amazing. I found out my mom is moving in two weeks so today I committed to flying down to help her move and I had to get a flight, rental car and condo to stay. I will be taking time off. But this is something that will deepen the relationship This will give me some time with my mom and I am not sure how much of that time is left. Because of Covid, I have not seen her for a year. So this will be a wonderful experience. I had to be flexible and take time off as it is only two weeks out. But I am committed to making my life amazing and work only plays a portion of that. So I will keep life in balance.

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The Memory guru, learning expert, NYT Bestselling Author and keynote speaker Jim Kwik trains millions of people on his sites like Kwik Learning. He is a world leader in speed reading, memory improvement, and brain performance. So he has some clout with me when it comes to things like setting goals. He has a #1 rated podcast www.KwikBrain.com/podcast. Have I proved yet that he is a leader and knows what he is talking about? Jim is passionate about creating high performance brains and to reach your full potential. I mean who doesn’t want to activate your inner genius? I certainly do! Jim is World Class!

How do you find the right goal?

How do you achieve a goal?

How do you know what goal you want?

You need goal clarity. What is the right goal for you? What is it that you want in your life? How is it relevant to who you are? If this goal doesn’t meet the “who we are” then it will not be something that we follow through with. Does your goal bring you to your highest value? Do you choose your goals or do your goals choose you. It is important that your goals are something that are not just something you are attracted to but something that is attracted to you. You have set many goals and if you have not achieved them it is because they weren’t something attractive to you and they did not go along with who you are. So by February they were not forgotten.

It is important to make your goals something that are about you, they need to be about who you are:

• Healthy. How can you make sure your goals support your greater well-being? Your goals should contribute to both your physical and emotional health.
• Enduring. Your goals should be sustainable. They should change you over time, as you build your future self and life.
• Alluring. You shouldn’t have to push yourself to work on your goals. They should be so exciting, enticing, and engaging that you’re pulled toward them.
• Relevant. Don’t set a goal without knowing why you’re setting it. Ideally, your goals should relate to a challenge you’re having or your core values.
• Truth. Don’t set a goal just because your neighbor is doing it. Make sure your goal is something you want, something that remains true to you. If your goal isn’t true to you, you’re far more likely to procrastinate and sabotage yourself.

We want to make sure that the goal is something that draws us in and something we can buy in at a toplevel.

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This is part of a 3 part week long series on goals and if you haven’t heard the other 2 go back and listen to them as this information is not going to mean as much on its own as it will in context with the other two. Because we are coming around to New Years and so many of you set goals, I wanted to provide you with phenomenal tools to have a remarkable year for 2021.

So let’s move onto today's parts of goal setting. After looking at the big picture in the last step and thinking about all we could feel, do and be. Now we want to break it down and look at what we want to accomplish first and foremost. If you got to immense and vast goals and were looking at the monumental picture of your life in the last step now we want to focus on and choose a few of them to concentrate on this year. Choosing a few quality goals that are closely aligned with your desired feelings and in accordance with who you are, and want to be. This will position you to live a wonderful year and to create the amazing life you want to lead. Ask about each goal you come up with. “Will this experience when I create it this year, cause the emotion that I am working to generate.” “When I hit this target will I be aligned with my authentic heart's desire?” It is important that you are not focused on a single outcome, but the steps that will lead to the desired outcome. For example I want to lose weight or lose 50 lbs. There is not much emotion tied to that for most people and it is not a quantum leap, lastly there is no map to get there. So instead, set goals that have various milestones. Like: I will become healthier by keeping in my house foods that empower my goals. I will take lunch to work so that the food I am eating is prepared by me to create my healthy and fit body. I will be prepared when I am out and about with food that nourishes my healthy body. I will move my body giving it the exertion it needs to create my ultimate health and the marvelous self that I am.

To get as many senses involved as possible use a vision board or place things on the mirror in your bathroom. Use a place you spend time each morning and evening as a place to put your goals. Wherever you put it make sure that you include both words and pictures. If you can come up with smells or tastes to remind you that would be even better. Get as many of your senses involved as you can. Those senses are what help you continue down the road when you get tired or overwhelmed. See those pictures. Recognize the smells and tastes that will come with what you want. Feel the emotions if only for a moment those moments will increase as you strengthen that muscle. Envision the life you want to create.

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So this is a three part and week long look at goals and how to create ones that will get you towards creating your Amazing Life. Because so many people will be setting goals because of new years. I wanted to give you some tools to hack having a jaw dropping year. Make sure you listen to these 3 podcasts in order as they do build on each other. As a reminder yesterday we spoke about having clarity on what feelings you have right now, what you feel after last year and what you learned. Then we also went over developing a vision which is the map of your goals, then we talked about your mission which is the compass to keep you in line with your map. These are very important to be sure to spend sufficient time on these. You need to be very clear on these. Now let’s move on to the next parts of heart goals.

The next step is to dream big and breakthrough in quantum leaps in your life! Because you want juicy and intoxicating goals this year You need to think bigger than you have in the past! As you think about these amazing goals keep them in line with the feelings you want to create and the person that you are! By Dreaming big you can create more choices in your processes giving you additional ways of viewing you and your life. Then after having those new views you can see new ways to jump to places you have not before been.

The only things that limit us is what we can see and what we believe. Most of our beliefs are based on the things we see. So opening up our vision or viewing points will create huge differences in our lives. We have to be able to imagine something before we can ever create it. In Moses 3: 5 God said “For I the Lord God created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually before they were made Naturally upon the face of the earth.” Once in our minds' eyes we can create something then it can be created in our life.

So here is an exercise to do your goals. In a journal or notebook on the left hand side write down all the words that you want for your “Core Desired Feelings.” Now make two columns after those feelings. Then in the first column write some normal goals that are about 10% above where you are today. This is what we usually think of as achievable and is our usual approach to goal setting. Now use the second column to brainstorm some brazen and captivating dreams. Ones that require you to stretch and cultivate your imagination to come up with some exciting goals.

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This week as we get ready for another year many of you will be thinking about what you want and setting up goals for January 1st. If you are like the majority of people you will have forgotten those goals by February 1st. I want to go over the tools that you need to get those goals to become realities in your life. Let’s dive deep into goals This entire week and get set up for the new year. Customarily, we focus on an outcome or experience without making an effort to figure out how we actually want to feel, what the outcome that we desire will help us to feel. Which often leaves us feeling empty, discontent, maybe even tortured, when we actually reach the goal. If we get to where we strived to be and do not feel like we thought we would we sometimes start to blame ourselves and think that we will never feel good. This can create a tailspin that can create horrific outcomes. As Dave Ramsey said, If your mom wanted you to become a doctor and you did, but you do not want to be a doctor. I don't want you as my doctor! These ideas are very important to setting up goals for next year.

I recommend setting a different type of goal this year. These are heart goals. But to set this type of goal you must first tune into how you feel right now. Finding out more about who you are. What thoughts light you up? What uplifts and inspires you? To find out the first thing to do is to look back on last year. Own & celebrate everything you, felt, did, and experienced in 2020.

So hopefully now that you have answered those questions you are beginning to create a vision for your life. To continue that vision, start creating a map of exciting and magnetic intentions. As you create this vision it must incorporate your mission. So you must become more clear on what that is. What is it you are here to do? “If your vision is the map, your mission (or purpose) is your inner compass.” – Jeffrey Davis, Tracking Wonder What is your final destination? Is it the end of this life? Is it the life after this one? Is it retirement? Is it becoming rich? Knowing the destination will make a huge difference in mapping out the trip. When we only plan to an ending or event even if we reach the end that doesn’t complete us. Your vision is the map of your life which needs to be used with your mission which is the compass. You need both the qualities of the life you will live as well as the details as how you will serve yourself and others. Your goals should contain a summary of WHO you want to serve, HOW you help your people, and WHAT the result will be from your actions.

Following these will start you on a road to creating the life you want and will show you steps that you will want to take so that you can get to be who you want! If you look at things that are exciting and inspiring and part of who you are and map them out with vision and include your mission or purpose they will be something that will take less effort to keep up with during the year. It is important that you are working from your vision and purpose so that you get to where you want to be. This is what will create happiness and fulfillment in your life.

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Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Have a wonderful Winter Solstice, Merry Kwanzaa, and Happy Kisan Diwas. Whichever holidays you celebrate I hope they are amazing.

Today I want to talk about Love for our fellow man. Our love for each other. Love is an important part of most religions and cultures. We need love for each other today more than ever. Love is what binds this world and us together. It is what keeps us from blowing each other apart. Love is created after finding things that we have in common. Love is the cure this world needs. I don’t care about the differences we have in beliefs. I don’t care which of the holidays you celebrate or if you choose not to celebrate any. It is not the holidays you celebrate that bring us together, it is our humanity. I love that you want to improve and change your life! That is something we share. I love that you want to improve the lives of those around you! Love is so important it has been the subject of many songs like “All you need is Love” by the Beatles, "Stand By You” by Rachel Platten, "Count on Me” by Bruno Mars, "You’ll Never Walk Alone” by Josh Groban and many others.

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Lindsey Sterling, an electric violinist, She did not win "America's Got Talent," but she did find tremendous success on YouTube. Where she has over 150 videos and 12 million subscribers. Pretty amazing women! She was the first solo violinist I know of to create music videos. Where she plays the music and acts it out at the same time. I have been a fan of hers for years.

Lindsey has been opening up about the eating disorder that she is struggling with. It inspired the original song “Shatter Me” Where she teamed up with Lizzy Hale, a singer. In the song Lindsey talks about wanting to feel alive. The song lyrics say “somebody shine a light, I’m frozen by the fear in me.” The song is about how she feels alone “This is spinning endlessly”. This is such a great example of how we can look at people and only see the surface and not understand what is going on inside of them. We can see the trappings of success and yet not know how lonely and broken they feel inside. The problems we have are different. The reactions that we come up with can be different. I don’t have trouble with an eating disorder, but I can sure understand the feelings she is dealing with. I have experienced times when I felt alone and like things where “spinning endlessly”.

In an interview with ABC news Lindsey reported that she related to the character of a ballerina that was perfect and seemingly flawless on the outside, yet she was consumed with control and perfection on the inside.

So what steps can you take to have a healthier body image?

1. Appreciate all your body can do.
2. Write down a top 10 list of what you like about your body.
3. Look to see yourself deeper than what you see in the mirror. See the beauty that is inside of you.
4. Look at you as a whole, not just parts.
5. Question those voices in your head that tell you you are not whole, not right or a bad person.
6. Become a critical viewer of social and media messages. Question the validity of all pictures.
7. Serve and be nice to yourself, take a bath, a nap, find a peaceful place outdoors.
8. Serve others reaching out to bless others lives will bless yours.

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Let’s talk about playing more offense in your life. Offense is being on your toes attacking your goals versus being on your heels and just playing goalkeeper all day fending off all the shots coming at you. Goaltending is answering your email, text messages, and social notifications. At work it is being creative finding out the questions and problems that will be coming up and taking care of them before they do. I spend time each day thinking about you folks and what I might say or tools I might give you to help you build the amazing life you want.

I mean right now we are at the time of year that you are probably thinking about goals. Most people set them around now and then let them go by February 1st. This is because they set them as a defense not an offense. If on January 1st you still have junk food in the house and you have a goal to lose weight or be healthier it will not happen. If you have a goal to improve a relationship and yet do not have a plan that put you into offense then the goal will disappear. It is not enough to want to. If you are used to playing “D” you will continue too.

What points are you going to put on the board for 2021? What will you pay attention to? Will it be more of the same from the last umpteen years? Will this year be different? If so Why? Do you have a plan to make it different? We all know that there will be a time towards the end of January that you no longer want to go to the gym or that you forget about doing something nice for your spouse. If there is nothing in place to make it happen.

In our society today we only visualize our goals on New year's day each year. We make a goal but it is without a path to follow to get to where we want to be. Many of them write them down but not as a commitment. Usually by February we no longer check our progress as there is nothing in place to keep us doing that. These are the reasons these fail each year.

Here are the things to do to accomplish these goals next year.

1. Deeply desire the Goal or resolution.
2. Visualize you having achieved the Goal.
3. Create a path to follow to accomplish the Goal.
4. Commit to achieving the Goal in writing.
5. Check your progress frequently.
6. Adjust your plan to keep progressing.

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Have you ever experienced a catastrophic time when life was too big, too heavy or daunting? This farmer who was gathering up his hay found himself in an accident under one of the bundles. Luckily there are people close and some neighbors are there almost immediately. The first one reaches under the one-ton bale of hay and attempts to lift it off of me. Of course, it doesn’t budge. He grabs his flashlight and shines it under the hay into my face. I blink. He yells over his shoulder to his friend, “He’s alive! He’s alive! Help me move the hay.” Even working together two people can’t move it – not a fraction of an inch. A thousand pounds each? Of course they can’t move it. “Cut the strings,” I whisper. My voice is weak. They can’t hear me. I am not going to last much longer. If they will just cut the strings, the bale will break apart, and they can drag me out of here. “Lift, Joe, lift!” “Just cut the strings,” I mumble, “Please cut the strings.”

Help finally arrives. One of the police officers bends down so I can see his face. “Hold on! A fire engine is here. There are six men aboard.” I do the math. Two big, strong cops and six burly firemen must move a ton of dead weight off me. That’s two hundred forty five pounds each. No way can they possibly do that – but somehow, miraculously, they do. A couple of neighbors who have arrived at the scene stand by to catch me. They lower my limp body to the ground where I lie in a broken heap. Why didn’t they cut the strings? They could have saved a long, tortured hour. How heavy is hay? A piece of hay is about the weight of a feather. How many pieces of hay does it take to make two thousand pounds? Lots. That package of sixteen bazillion individual pieces of hay wrapped in a gigantic bundle is a crushing weight. But separated, it would have been nothing. I feel bad saying this, because it makes me sound ungrateful – and I am very grateful to the guys who saved my life.

What in your life is too big?

What is overwhelming you?

What can you cut the string on to make the problem smaller and something you can deal with?

So how do you cut the cords and make the bale of hay as light as a feather?

1. Look at the bale as parts of a whole instead of as one thing.
2. Examine the parts and tasks needed to create the whole
3. What is the logical order to complete the tasks
4. Develop a timeline in which each can be completed
5. Create and follow the plan from start to finish
6. Review the final outcome to make sure the project is complete.
7. Celebrate the remarkable completion of moving the ton of work, or bale of hay

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There are distinct differences between a boss and a leader. To find out what you are let's begin with defining the two.

A boss is a supervisor, superior, or one who is in charge. It is to command, or to exercise control over.

To lead is to go first, or one having the authority to direct. Leader is synonymous with a guide or chief.

So what is the distinction here? Well as one podcast put it a Boss has an Ego. They are superior to others, criticize others, demand results, and talk more than they listen. With a leader It is about guiding, seeking solutions, encouraging, recognizing natural gifts in others, and achieving greatness in them. So now we have a basic distinction between the two.

Now about amazing leaders there have been a lot less of those over the years. But as I think about it with all those I worked for there were times when they were leaders and times when they were bosses. It was a question of how much time they spend being a leader and how much they spent being a boss. A leader inspires others to be complete and their best. They talk and pass on their ideas just like a boss, but the difference is they listen and have some trust to those that work for them. They accept that they can use the skills and knowledge of those around them to make themselves more than what they can be alone. They care about others and want all to be successful. It is not about them or their ego. It is about the team. A leader is not above performing any of the jobs needed to help out. They appreciate the abilities that others bring and that they complete the team, so that the quality can be more than if the boss did everything on his own. Do you spend more time leading or more time bossing.

People will follow a boss for a while, This happens in both work and home life. There are reasons people will give in and they will allow themselves to be bossed. When a child is small they can be intimidated or forced into following the orders you give. But in both family and business there is a time when bossing will lose its effectiveness. With the Boss I spoke about he would lose people often. Both in his personal life and his professional one and he couldn’t understand why they would leave. This boss did not show others that he cared about or trusted his employees. He had certain expectations of some people and not of others so that only a few people could perform to the level he had created. This boss struggled to communicate well with people to get them to buy into and build a shared dream with him. It stunted the growth of his company. Because he was focused mostly on himself and his needs. Bosses tend to rely on a perception of power, this doesn’t present a whole or fair place to be for others. But with their knowledge and charisma they can often get others to follow them for a while.

Leadership seldom loses its effectiveness. In fact a leader can increase their effectiveness by becoming a better leader. The leader will gain a bigger following when they help others get the things that they want. A leader creates everything that they need. There will be those that come to be a part of the leaders organization just to be mentored by the leader. Leadership is what will grow your influence without a downside. Becoming a leader is more work than becoming a boss. A leader must spend a lot of time on themselves and learning and becoming more than they are, and learning how to uplift those around them. Becoming a leader pays unbelievable dividends.

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Comedian, and Actor Howie Mandel has dealt with ADHD, Depression, and OCD for most of his life. In an interview he wants to make mental health as common as dental care. “We take care of our physical health and even our dental health, but we don’t take care of our mental health,” Howie knows that information will empower people who are suffering from mental health issues. Howie wants us to erase the stigma around depression and other mental health conditions. Having dealt with them for all of his life and many years not understanding what and why he was the way he was. In the 60’s when he was growing up there was no explanation for it even in the 70’s when I was in school. ADHD was not a thought. Both of us had similar experiences and struggled in school.

Howie said he had trouble focusing in school and I struggled with being hyper focused and not knowing what was going on around me. But if it is hard to be part of the group and set and follow along with the class it is then it is also hard to not to feel isolated from the group. Both of us felt that. He talks about being teased and that leaving him unsettled. The ridicule from classmates made us both feel even more isolated.

Now, both of us were lucky in that we had family support and love. He says because his parents accepted his differences it helped him manage his depression. He also learned at an early age he enjoyed being the center of attention by making people laugh. “My mother got my sense of humor, even when I was a kid. I would just do things that tickled my fancy in the moment, and she would ask me who I was entertaining. and I’d say, ‘Well, me,’” Howie recalls in his 2009 memoir Here’s the Deal: Don’t Touch Me. So starting with an amateur night at a club Howie realized making people laugh helped him to feel good and he felt calmer when on stage. He has been doing comedy since the 1970’s. He was in the Emmy- nominated series Bobby's World in the 1990’s As well as being on America’s Got Talent and Deal or No Deal.

The first time he reported his problems “...I told Howard Stern on the air that I had a serious mental [health] issue and was seeing a therapist was like revealing my biggest, darkest secret,” Mandel recalls. “I remember leaving the studio feeling anxious and wondering what the consequences of my admission would be. Would anyone hire me? How would this affect my wife and kids?”

Mandel has lobbied on Capitol Hill to intensify recognition of Children's Mental Health Awareness Day. He advocates for programs where time was set aside each day for the children to express their thoughts and worries to a professional counselor; like one at a school his son attended in California.

“Not only do children need to be assessed for mental health, but an overall system needs to be implemented to benefit every American, through every stage of their life.” That is what I am here. I am working to provide you with the tools and processes to help you improve your mental health.

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Failure seems to be something that people are thinking about right now. If you are like me you failed millions of times, it is a part of life. As a society, we have now labeled failure and poisoned it true experience, we have made it menacing, something that is bad, or unwanted. This might have started in school. An F or a failing grade was considered unacceptable. Now at school an F probably meant that you were not putting in any effort. If one puts in little or no effort you get nothing back. We should put effort into each and everything we do. How do you deal with failure in your life today? Do you run from the chance of failing? Do you run over everything trying not to fail just with momentum? How would anyone ever learn to walk without falling? Do you see failure as something to avoid? Is it okay for others to fail but not yourself?

Let’s look at how infants and young children deal with failure. So when a kid is learning to walk is falling okay? How many kids learn to walk without falling. Does falling equal failure? Ever known a kid to mispronounce words as they learn to speak? Is that a failure? When is it that we moved from trial and error to trial without error? How does that work for you in your life? In the lives of many it seems to start around age 5 or 6. This is probably due to the expectations of the parents and family members and then reinforced as we move into school. But how does it serve us to fight failure?

If we require each word to be perfect how will we learn how to speak? If we can’t fall will we learn to walk? If we want to move forward we must allow ourselves the chance to fall or fail. I am a perfect example of this, I am a recovering perfectionist. I hold myself and those around me to a very high level of production and creation. Many times I have shot for a level that is not realistic and I have done it for most of my life. It is easy to have low self confidence when you try to live to such a level and continually not meet it. I bet some of you know what I’m talking about. There are times when I did not want to act because I knew I could not produce at the level I will hold myself to. So I refused to step so that I did not fall. But I have found the statement to be true. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

Let’s talk about how to get past them for you.

1. Believe that you are not alone.
2. Be mindful of your self talk and question it.
3. Focus on the epic process. Make the shots without concern for the outcome
4. Use the mind blowing magic of Not Yet. “The ball did not yet go in”
5. Believe you can change
6. Praise the noble efforts of others

You can move past the pain, anxiety and fear. True failure is only in those that give upland not try. If you put in the practice and take the shots, then you will dominate the game. Setup a time to find some shot exercises that will help you.

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I’m not sure how many people caught on to the movie reference in the title. But it was from “Spaceballs” a 1987 comedy by Mel Brooks. Ludicrous speed gets you moving so fast it “breaks your brain and curves your spine. After traveling this fast you are never the same.” But then something like Covid happens and all of a sudden things are moving slower. You are spending more time with your family. You may even start to look at what you hold as important. When we are busy we can be headed to sports or music practice, non profit, or church meeting or from one to the other. Moving that prevents us from being present. Just moving, We don’t have to look at ourselves or take stock of what we are accomplishing. It just feels good to be moving right. I mean I can go 20 miles out of my way to get around traffic that I could have got through faster by just slowing down. I feel like I’m not getting anywhere stuck in traffic. But going 100 miles an hour is exhilarating but if we are headed in the wrong direction it may not be getting us any closer to where we want to be. The same can be in my life, moving makes me feel accomplished. Whether or not I got anything done.

If we spend less time between the experiences then we can have more experiences right! That is what the math would suggest anyways. But is that true? Can we truly be present after we rush from one thing to the next? If we spend 18 hours a day moving then we will get more done and be farther ahead than those who spend 12, right? It seems like it is a simple math problem. But is it the more we do the more we do? Why do professional athletes have an off session? Life has seasons and each of them have different strengths. Each of them compliment the other. Many of us spend 18 hours a day but so much of it is untracked. Can you tell me how much time you spend going through emails? What about time on social media? How much time do you spend watching TV? Each of those is a black hole sucking in time and letting out nothing.

The studies and experts tend to disagree with the idea that we can obtain our best without resting. When we rest our mind is rejuvenated our memories are created. Without rest our mind and body would suffer. When we rest our mind processes the experiences we have had that day and commits them to memory. Without rest we are more likely to repeat the mistakes we made the last time. I know people that think they can bypass this law. “I will rest when I’m dead.” is a popular belief. But science is finding more and more how important sleep and rest are.

When we rush we think only about the things we lack, the time we are missing, we think there is not enough. We are working from either anxiety or scarcity. These feelings are the opposite of creative feelings. You want to feel that you have sufficient time and resources. If you speed around looking to change your world it will affect your ability to create. If you always run as fast as you can you will likely run right past opportunities. Also the faster you are traveling the greater the distance is needed to change direction. Even if you see opportunities it will be harder to take advantage of those opportunities. That is why speed and creativity do not match.

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Comedian and actor Kevin Hart was the highest-paid stand-up comedian in 2019. And he has been called the “hardest working person in show business.” But in September, Hart had an experience like we talked about on Monday. Kevin was in a serious car accident that left him with major back injuries and this changed his perspective on what’s important in life. It took an accident that could cause his death to evaluate his life. This is not uncommon like we talked about. Many people only look at their life when they are confronted by their death. Kevin reported While recovering in the hospital, “I got a chance to think about what matters, and it’s not fame,” Hart, 40, told Men’s Health in an interview. “It’s not money. It’s not jewelry, cars, or watches. What matters are relationships.” The best advice that Hart got about work-life balance was: “You can’t be married to your career and date your family,” in that interview with Men’s Health. To Hart, that means “make sure you’re implementing the same amount of time and energy into being present for what matters,”

Kevin was in an accident that left him trapped in his 1970 Plymouth Barracuda after it flipped in Malibu Hills. He stated that when he was strapped into the Ambulance it was like “ a resurrection.” the other version of him died in that moment and a new improved version was born. The 3 spinal fractures he suffered almost left him paralyzed. Kevin is not trying to get back; he doesn’t want to look backwards. He is bounding forwards and looking to be better than he was. He said it started with something as simple as putting his socks on. He said he would go into the closet to try to put them on so his wife couldn’t watch. The morning he was able to get them on that was a big day he says.

It is important to count the wins even the small ones like putting our socks on. I have trouble doing this. I always want to move on to the next goal when one is accomplished. Kevin seems to have the same issue. His Dr wanted him to rest and rehab slowly. But Kevin had other ideas. He had to learn to be convinced that rest is also part of rehab. Kevin said “People attach failure or an ending, to a problem. Well problems are made to be solved.” No experience no problem is the ending. Until our heart stops beating problems are just meant to be overcome or solved. Kevin is comfortable sharing deep and dangerous things about himself. He doesn’t need others to see him as perfect or to hide in the shadows waiting for it to blow over.

All of us want to be liked and Kevin is no different. He said “I felt like everybody was supposed to like me. Man, I’m a nice guy. I’m a lovable, nice guy. Why wouldn’t you like me? What I found is like, look, everybody’s not gonna like you. And you can’t change that. You can’t control that. So, it’s my job to be happy with my intent. And what it is that I’m trying to do.” It is important to take responsibility for our actions. As we take responsibility we can move past the shame we feel and overcome the experience and the action. Realize that every experience we have, every action we take brings with it consequences. Kevin states that “If there’s something that you did, then you did it. You know, there’s no wiggle room around it. You can address it, and then you can move on.”

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Over our 28 years of marriage there have been ups and downs. At one point I was again feeling like I had let down my wife, like I was not filling her needs completely. Some of that had to do with things happening to us, Some were things like income and money issues. I interpreted from these issues that I was not doing enough. I had been feeling that way for a week or so. Then one day as we were driving down the road and I got up the courage to tell her what I was feeling. I blundered through an explanation of my feelings of I’m doing enough but I am unsure how to do more. I feel like I’m letting you down, I told her. Her answer hit me like a ton of bricks. Her reaction was not something I ever would have guessed. She told me she was feeling the same way, like she was not doing enough and she was letting me down. I told her “you can’t have that story, it's mine," and we both broke out laughing. We then both reaffirmed that we are not going anywhere, that we love each other, and we were doing all we could at the time for the other. We saw that the negative feelings we were experiencing dissipate as we learned they came from inside of us not from our partner.

But is money the problem? What are the feelings that go along with money? Do you feel stress and strain with money? Does it ever feel like there is not enough of it? What are your expectations around money?

So I’ve been working really hard for over a year now. I have been putting in extra effort. I expected a different result than I was seeing. I felt like I was letting down my wife. It is obvious that some of her needs are not being met. I also realize that some of my needs are not being met. Along with feeling that some needs were not being met, the voice I kept hearing was telling me I wasn’t doing enough. It would be easiest to say that this was about money. That is something outside of myself and something I don’t have total control over. So if I point to money as a scapegoat, I have little need to try something different or to work at it because I am not in control. When these feelings come I tend to lose my hope and that allows me to give up.

If you have ever experienced any feelings like loss of control, fear, loss of hope, distance. Maybe you have experienced what I do. But what is the lesson that comes for these feelings? What is the gift that comes if we do not give into these feelings? I think that there is more than one for starters. I have found that when I overcome these feelings I feel a sense of strength. I know as I talk with my wife about these feelings and find out what she is feeling we grow closer together. When I overcome these feelings I get a sense of hope, I learn to let go of my desire to control and learn to accept those lessons that I have the opportunity to learn because of the experiences that come to me.

So when you are in the middle of it what do you do to change things? What do we have control over? One of the first things that I work to do is get my vision back in my head. See the end game. Start looking out farther than the experience I’m in right now. Would you like to work together to develop that vision? Another thing to do right off is to be observant of the words I choose to use and believe. I can have total control over my feelings, or they can have total control over me.

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One of my LinkedIn friends announced she has breast cancer. I pray that she recovers. My dad has got through stage 4 prostate cancer. So far he is doing well. One of my Marine Corps League friends Fran Beckstead passed away from cancer a while ago. She had been heroically fighting cancer for over a year. The doctors found a basketball sized lump after she had been through a couple of bouts with chemo. Her life has no more tomorrows, What would you be like if you knew you had no more tomorrows coming?

How would you show up differently if you knew you had a short time to live? Would you live differently if death was looming in the next week or month? If the reckoning were here for you would you spend the last day at work? Would you feel ready to leave?

I think one of the things that sets people apart is the actions they take despite what is happening to them. Fran is one of my Hero’s, It was awe inspiring to watch as she would get chemo in the morning then go and volunteer with one of the four or five nonprofits she would serve in the afternoon. No matter how sick she felt, she was out serving others. It wasn’t until she was put in the hospital the last few days of her life that she was unable to go and serve others.

There are today a number of movements focusing on thinking about the fact that we will die several times a day. The thought behind this belief is that we come closer to our values and consider what is truly important to us when we think about our death. Why is it that we can’t think about these without our death being right in front of us? What will be the celebration when I leave? I know I will be missed but what else will be said? How many people will it affect? Will others be able to know what my values were by the action they saw me take? Will I have accomplished what I want to by the time I leave?

Our culture is one that denies and mystifies death. Even if your death is 50 years off, how fast can 50 years go by? How fast did 2020 go by? What if by denying our mortality we are doing ourselves a giant disservice?

5 things that thinking about death can give us

1. Motivation
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff (so much of life is small stuff)
3. Be present (mindful)
4. Reduce anxiety over death
5. Find meaning and live intentionally

Maybe you have been waiting to do what you want to do. Do you have a bucket list? How many of the things on the list have you done? Some people wait to serve others because they don’t have the time or money. How often have you waited to go do something until you feel well? Did you ever get it done? While you wait, life races by. At some point life will pass you and at that time there will be no more chances to do the things that you said you would. My goal is to get you my friend to do one or more of the things that you want to do that you haven’t done for whatever reason. Go to the Facebook group page and tell me about what you are here to do and what is on your bucket list. That way I can help you get those things done. I hope that you will change your life by living in the moment and having the experiences that come to your mind.

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I made a mistake this week. It happens, right? The error I made is not the issue here; the problem was in the feeling that accompanied the mistake. It was not guilt trying to move me away from the blunder, No this was SHAME! It was an all out assault. This feeling of shame washed over me wanting to drown me in negative feelings that threatened to take away any feelings of success, happiness, and my knowledge of who I am. Let’s first go over the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is when I did an action and that action hurt me or someone else. The purpose of guilt is to understand the impact of our actions on others. Then there is shame, Shame is an inward- facing emotion that only purpose is to collapse any positive thought you have about yourself. This shame wanted me to cross-examine the things I have learned and hold dear about myself. So thoughts of guilt will be something along the lines of “I did something wrong or bad”. If the feeling is shame, the thought will be something like “I am bad or worthless”. The purpose of shame is to imprison you in feelings of regret and take away self confidence. This shame was about destroying any positive feelings I had about me.

You may be more concerned more with the behavior or the action that caused these feelings than about the feeling themselves. Many people concentrate on the action as this is a great way to dig in and bury themselves in the pain of shame. This provides the reasons and the proof that they are worthless which is the thought they are looking to enforce. The thing about shame is that it gives you an excuse to not change. I mean changing is hard right it takes work. But if the story you tell yourself is I’m bad then there is no need to try to change. I mean you can’t change who you are right? Isn’t that part of the thought process that you go through when you are feeling shame?

People that feel shame they can sometimes want to hurt or cut on themselves. If I am bad and I feel shame I should punish myself, that is the process some people go through. Shame can lead to self punishment and destructive behaviors. They can cause abuse of drugs, alcohol, sex or other high risk behaviors. Many of them feel why not, I feel worthless due to the shame, so I do not deserve anything more. This gives them the proof that they need and makes it easy to mistreat themselves. If you are bad there is nothing you can not punish yourself with. With shame there is no need to take responsibility for an action because it is not something you did, it is something you are and you can not be held responsible for who you are.

The first thing to do is make it about an action, not about you or your worth. Now that it is about the action, realize, Oh that action hurts, I could do something different. Once you realize that you can take responsibility for the action. Feelings of guilt are a sign that you are going through a healthy recovery process. Now that you have taken responsibility for the action, apologize for and correct the mistakes. This will move you down the road towards repairing your life.

Next start to create a different vision of who you are. Replace the thoughts of “I am not enough” and “I am a failure.” Create a vision of the real you, the one who “is enough” and “is worthy”, I am amazing or awesome.” You are perfect and remarkable. Because I can say it about you till I’m blue in the face but you will not hear it till you allow yourself to believe it.

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So Brene Brown is a research professor who has spent 2 decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She has been on “Ted talks,” #1 New York Times best selling Author, and she is a podcast host, and film lecturer on Netflix. She said “The bottom line: I believe that you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage, therefore . . . embrace the suck. I try to be grateful every day and my motto right now is “Courage over comfort.” I do NOT believe that cussing and praying are mutually exclusive. And, I absolutely believe that the passing lane is for passing only.” She reports that she has been married to Steve for almost 25 years and they have two amazing kids, Ellen and Charlie. Embrace the suck what a statement. I love it. Maybe not really easy to do but that is the game changer it is. We all have difficulties in our lives. And the story we tell ourselves about those difficulties makes all the difference on whether or not we walk through them.

Brene did an interview with CEO Magazine and the name of it is “Failure is part of the ride.” Brene’s communication is warm and engaging, she uses humor as she tells of the 7 years of study including 150 Interviews with C-suite executives as she studied leadership. “It didn’t matter where they were or the team they were leading,” notes Brown. “Whether they were in the States, Australia, Singapore, or anywhere else in the world, they all said the same thing; that they wanted to have the tools to lead with courage. And to do that, daring leaders need to embrace vulnerability. Later she said “I define a leader as anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.” So we can all be leaders, in our families, groups, work, church. Hopefully you are taking responsibility and showing the courage to develop potential in others. We are here for each other and to improve each other's lives.

Brene is just as firm with her view that vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with that courage saying, “The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it’s about the courage to show up when you can’t predict or control the outcome.” Because the truth of the matter is no one can control or predict all of the outcomes around them. So a couple family members were on a road trip to Arizona last week to see their kids. It was about 9 AM so it was light out beautiful sunny weather. They were about 15 mins out of town on a 2 lane highway when a guy in a pickup veered onto the soft shoulder then overcorrected meeting them head on collision at about 70 MPH. The sports utility vehicle they were in started to crumple in and around them from the front and down the passenger side as the truck went all the way past them. The windshield shattered violently in tiny pebbles bursting past them and filling the floor of the car.

We find the courage to move past the feeling of being vulnerable. We think of the number of years that we had gone without an accident and the small number that get in one compared to the huge number that drive each day. So what other ways can you move through vulnerability and get to courage in your life?

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So a school district sent out some forms to parents about their “wimpy” students by mistake. The parents were justifiably outraged. This opened up a dialogue about the kids that are dealing with bullies. They spoke about how it is wrong to jump on the wagon and continue the harassment of these people that are suffering.

Now first off bullying is wrong and it is a problem. We need to pay attention and stop those that participate in bullying. But we as a society also need to change how we are dealing with it. We often give all of the responsibility, the power to change to the bully. This doesn’t create a change for the one being bullied. I have experienced bullying and so have my children. When my children were struggling with it we attacked it from two fronts. First we had a discussion between the kids with a responsible, and an adult that could point out what the experiences were and how they could have reacted differently. Second we worked to teach our kids that they didn’t have to feel weak or less than the bullies. When I got involved it was not to blame teachers, or schools. It was to empower my sons to teach them to be able to handle this for themselves.

Many times as adults we are bullied in ways that differ from when we were a kid. But how we choose to retaliate is very important and it is no different that when we were kids. Often the line between being teased and bullied is a fine one. There are times when people are unaware that they have crossed it. At this time we can choose how we feel. We can choose courage and strength in ourselves, We can choose not to believe the hurtful things that are said. There have been many times in the past when I have played the role of a victim when I felt I was mistreated and that caused strong negative feelings within me. This started a loop that was played over and over with increasing frequency in my life. It caused a great deal of pain in my life.

I was able to stop it only by taking extraordinary action and relabeling and changing the beliefs. I stopped feeling like a victim to the things that happened around me. That the things in life truly happen around and not to you. Unleashing this belief is a truly triumphant life changing moment. As my thoughts empowered me the things that happened around me did not decrease it, no in this life things will happen and a great deal of them will be difficult to deal with. But I do not make them more difficult than they are by playing victim to them like I once did.

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What is the difference you might ask. What are the deadly expectations you have of your life? Do you expect better relationships? A better job, more money?

Are you like me, where if your expectations are not met do you get frustrated, angry or hurt? It is devastating when your presuppositions are not what you want them to be? I have had cussing bouts when my expectations and my view of my life didn’t match. It can really be difficult to deal with, right? The emotions can be horrifically overwhelming if my expectations and my perceived situation are not a match. This can happen when you have unmet expectations. What is an expectation and where does it come from? It comes from a thought. An Expectation is an “assumption” as to what should happen, or how you should feel. I'm sure you've heard the proverb regarding assumptions, about how the act of making them makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me." Everything in our lives starts out as a thought and expectations or assumptions are no different. When we then hold those thoughts and experience them over and over they then can be cemented into beliefs. So every expectation that you have started out as a thought and some of them have developed into beliefs from thinking them over and over again.

What happens when you have unmet expectations? I sometimes expect that the plan that I have is the way my life should work out. That my computer should work when and how I want it to. That my income should be more or that my business should be in a different place than it is at the time. These expectations create unhappiness and discontent in my life. When I come from a place of acceptance the things that happen in my life are the same as when I had the expectations. The change is not in what happens to me but in my thoughts and feelings about what is happening. When I live with expectations my life never lives up to those expectations I have and I am often disappointed or unhappy.

I hope you also get to the point where you are excited by the things that create growth in your life. I expect growth. I expect that I will fall, that I will make mistakes. These create growth, so I am looking forward to those times when I get to conquer those things.

Those unreasonable expectations are what causes much of the discontent and unhappiness in the lives of many of the people I work with. Some people will hold on to those expectations with all their might. The petty payoffs for holding on to them outweigh the large sums that they would receive if they let them go.

How do you let these go? Let’s talk personally about designing your amazing life and the tools that will help you get there. You are a singularity, you have something to offer this world no one else can. Find out what that is and how to bring it into being!

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Counting our blessings is better than recounting our problems! Russel M Nelson

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." William Arthur Ward

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." G.K. Chesterton

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." Charles Dickens

"If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get." Frank A. Clark

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." Buddha

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Recently I helped a lady who was struggling with her relationship. She has been married for just over a year. She came to me for help with dealing with her husband's ADHD. Her belief was if we fixed what he was or wasn’t doing then she would be happy. Have you ever thought if someone in your life would change her husband's behavior she would be happier? I mean that type of thought is pretty common right even if dangerous. I admit I have, I thought I would feel better if I could change others. Especially When my boys were teens, It was less painful to believe it was their problem not mine. That seems pretty common if you look around, Many are willing to victimize themselves and fall into the trap of feeling that others are the reason they do not feel the way they want to. As we talked about what she wanted and what the underlying issue was, she found that it was not so much about her husband nor what he did or didn’t do.

The scary reason she had these feelings had to do more with how she looked at herself and whether or not she appreciated what she had to offer. Many times in a new relationship we tend to feel that we are special and fulfilled during the introductory part of a relationship; this is due to the things that happen in new relationships. It is a new feeling and because the person is new and they are paying extra attention and on their best behavior so we feel loved and fulfilled. Then as the relationship grows and matures we tend to go back to questioning ourselves and our worth. At the same time we now poison the belief of our spouse in us. This is a progression and is part of many relationships, if we are not whole ourselves. Some people at this point decide to move on, to go to another relationship that will be in the introductory segment again. They bumble around trying to feel “loved” like when the relationship was new. It is less of a feeling of love and more of a feeling of infatuation. They don’t understand that the feeling of love that they are looking for is a love for themselves.

Once you learn to love and accept yourselves the love of another person will be life-changing. That way you will have the love of yourself last no matter what the other person does. That will be the love that lasts. Then you will feel love and happiness and will have a deeper, more miraculous and more complete relationship then you ever imagined. All of this starts with catching a vision of your magnificence and developing a love for yourself. Loving yourself is critical to your happiness. A spectacular relationship with yourself is what sets the foundation.

Self Love means having a fierce positive regard for our own wellbeing and happiness. Seeing and appreciating the uniqueness of you. When we adopt an attitude of self-love, we create a higher level of self-esteem. Then we’re less critical and harsh with ourselves when we make mistakes, and we’re able to celebrate our positive qualities AND accept our negative ones.

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If you could no longer speak without a stutter. Would you use that experience to embarque on a new dream as a comedian? Drew Lynch,, tells his amazing story. He calls his routine “Speech Therapy”. As a teen Drew was playing softball and was hit in the throat by a ball. This damaged his vocal nerves. The force knocked him off his feet and he also hit his head and suffered a concussion. He did not go in for treatment right away in fact he went home and went to bed and because of the damage he woke up with a stutter. Drew was not one to give up. He vowed he would conquer his disability and auditioned for and got on “America’s Got Talent.” He says You can only hang your head for so long before you have to pull yourself up.

I know in my life when things happen to me, things that alter my life or my belief of what I will be able to do that changed me, I would often feel put upon and victimized. I would whine and get frustrated because I wanted something different out of my life than the things that were happening to me. I look back at the things that made me so upset and oftentimes the things I thought were so horrible were very small and meant so little in the grand scheme of my life. In fact many of them I don’t even remember.

We all have things that happen in our lives. For some of us it is a softball to the throat like it was with Drew. For others we go through different things and even if the things that happen to you haven’t happened to anyone else ( which is tough to believe) There are only so many feelings and those we all share. It is less about what happens to us and more about the story and feelings we develop because of what happens to us. Does the thing that happens to you cause you to think “poor pitiful me”? If that is what Drew thought could he have done what he’s done?

In an interview with Ability Magazine, Drew talks about control on certain things he had to give it up, like his communication and what happens to him but then he had to take control of his feelings. “And again, it showed me that I have to be in control of what it is that I do after the fact, despite any circumstance being stacked against me or something looking unlikely. And I should just accept whatever it is regardless and not be like, “Oh, this is the outcome I want, and then I’ll be happy.” If there’s anything this career has taught me, it’s that you can’t do that. You’ll never be fulfilled, and it’ll never end up panning out the way you had hoped.” Drew also said “OK, this makes sense for what the universe is trying to tell me.” Because you can only play the victim card so many times.” So what is your number ? How many times can you play the victim card?

Think your life through in what places have you had experiences that were similar to Drew. Did you use that experience to move you forward or to hold you back? I mean Drew could have let what happened ruin his life, Right? The reason it didn’t was not because of what happened to Drew but because of what he did after it happened. He made conscious choices to pick his thoughts, to manage his emotions and expectations. This made all the difference in the outcome of Drew’s story. You get to control your story so how will you tell it?

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For building an Amazing Life one thing that cripples me is the belief that I am only as good as the things I produce. This is a belief that many of our society has adopted. This belief that my production is equal to my worth is a horrific lie. How does it show up in your life? This hazardous statement hides us from our true identity and stops us from achieving our greatness. This belief then colors our entire life and everything that happens to us is viewed through this lens. Do you remember when you first started to believe this shameful lie?

The way it affected me was when my hard work paid off in less that I expected it deceived me into taking it personally. When my work paid more than I expected I felt high, I felt acceptable and it felt good, but the problem was two fold. One problem was more often the outcome was less than what I was expecting. The second searing problem was that my expectations of what I wanted kept increasing making it more challenging to meet those goals. This plagued my ability to produce the outcome I desired. I was constantly letting things that were outside me dictate how I felt about myself. This plummeted my self confidence and left me frustrated and unhappy. This leads to a roller coaster of feelings, How often have you gone through this devastating cycle?

We are feeling beings. As humans we often move very quickly from one feeling to another. I’m sure you have had the mind blowing experience of feeling blissful one moment and wounded the next. The feelings that you have are attached to beliefs and thoughts that you entertain. We have millions of thoughts each day, many of them are automatic. These thoughts if left unchecked will lead to beliefs, those beliefs magically turn into feelings and then the feelings direct more of the automatic thoughts. Many people establish their feelings and try to control them. Often what happens is they bury the negative feelings and cover them up. Once buried those emotions will live on forever and we will poison our experience of the entire world as we experience it through those buried emotions.

Emotions are often like a frozen pond. The emotion on top is the one that you are concentrating on and the one you feel consciously. Ice can be a great place to skate or ride a snowmobile. It can be very exciting and happy on top of the ice. A layer of ice is also a great insulator. It can be covering all the other feelings you have holding them down and keeping them alive. But then the emotions under that ice may be 20 or more feet deep and they are kept much warmer than the surrounding temp as they are insulated by that ice. The ice can break under many different circumstances allowing you to fall in, get stuck in your emotions and then you can drown in those negative feelings that have been buried. If you have these feelings of production equals worth, your feelings can be the water under the ice. When the ice breaks it can drown you or those close to you. If you deal with those emotions they will dissipate and not be an issue. We have been over many tools to deal with your emotions, Setup a time to talk with me and we can find ways to overcome the emotions that you have buried.

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In Kanji the meaning of “busy” is “to lose your heart” 忙しい（いそがしい） I’m certain all of you have you have said “I’m too busy” at some point. For many people that is a way of life. It is a badge of honor, It gives meaning and importance to the lives of most regular people. What is it that you mean when you say it? I see people that use being busy as an excuse to stay where they are and keep doing what they want to do.

Have you ever tracked your time and accounted for every hour or do you find yourself wondering where the last hour went? Microsoft Changed the world with “Windows” The name we have proven over time to be very correct as now there are multiple organizations and people who have a window into your life. Windows that reach into your life and target your attention. Ever been in the middle of work or something else got a buzz from your phone, picked it up, seen the alert and spent the next 20 mins or more scrolling through your feed? Was that really a “busy” time? How many times a day does that happen? That is one of the windows that was Vaporized your time. How much of an invasion is social media in your life? Including the five minutes it traps here and then ten minutes there. After dinner does the TV come on every night? Does it capture you till you're asleep? That is the average so if that is the case for you you are in good company.

You know I have had many issues with being busy. I am always running, always doing something. I work 10 to 12 hours a day and have done that as long as I can remember. My boys heard this a lot. It was my excuse to not have to play the video game with them. It was my response way too often and I think they learned that things to do are more important than them. That was not what I intended to teach them, but intentions didn’t change my actions. It is not like this is a new problem. I mean Harry Chapin released the song Cat’s in the Cradle in 1974 and it explains it quite well.

But in the interview I shared with you yesterday with Steve Harvey in episode 109. If you want to be extraordinary you have to do extra. See we each have the same number of hours each day the only thing that changes is how we choose to spend it. Both you and Elon Musk have the same number of hours in a day. Do you accomplish the same number and the same high levels of tasks? Successful people have learned that doing things quickly that should not be done at all is not a good use of their time. Normal folks are looking for ways to speed up doing non essential things. The most mind blowing thing you can do is to spend all of your time on those high importance and high urgency tasks. It will be life changing. Those who have an Amazing life make sure their families are in the high importance high urgency quadrant.

How does the tragic line "too busy" keep you from having an "Amazing Life?"

How long will you continue to cripple your life by being busy?

When you look back on your life will it be with joy and a sense of accomplishment or will it be a sense of regret for not living to your amazing potential?

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Steve Harvey: Comedian, Talk/Game show host, Motivational speaker, said “behind every moment of adversity in your life there is a blessing and a lesson, every moment of adversity has those two things. Pain always leaves a gift.” Steve has been an example to me. He is a class act! He has been one that has overcome a great deal in his life. He talks about his grandfather being born a slave. Grandpa was a slave till he was 12. His family was poor, His father he said was the only one that believed in him. Steve talked about living in his car for three years starting in 1985. This man has built an amazing life and has done a lot to pass it on to others.

He has such an unique view on life. He was talking about covid and the whole world having the exact same problem. He talks about the things this world is going through and he said “When a door gets shut, all you gotta do is walk up the hall, There’s more doors.”

How many of us live our lives in expectation of wonderful things happening? I know you have been through tough stuff. Maybe you like to compare your stuff to his and maybe your situation has been worse. But I’m betting with the billions of stories out there that there are stories that are worse than yours. But why is it that we compare our stories?

Many of these Motivational thoughts come from the stage of Family Feud while the audience is there and the set is being worked on. Steve instead of calling it break time blesses the audience with his life experience. Steve says he often asked if he could go back to any period in his life. What time would he go back to? His answer was “I ain’t ever had it this good. This is the best my life has ever been.” I am 63 years old and I don’t want to be the idiot I was at 25. He talks about 2020 and the things that we are going through but those are not the worst thing to happen. He mentioned losing Kobe and they were friends he said but that was nothing to loving my mom. This is not an easy time but it is not the toughest he has gone through. He wouldn’t go back to any other time.

He talks about quitting and wanting something. “Whatever you are trying to accomplish, If you quit there is no possibility, there is no chance of it popping back up again or coming back later. Quitting is guaranteed failure. When you're trying you're going to fail.” He talks about having something so big that it drives you to continue . It has to be a huge dream for you to put in the effort that is required to make it happen. What is your big dream, what is your idea of an amazing life. It will not be the same as mine or Steve’s. I hope you’ll get on the Facebook page and share with me your dream so that I can share the trip with you. In my life I do have a dream one that I have worked on over and over, it has not come quick. But I have not given up. I have not quit. It is so big that I keep showing up. I keep working on it. It gets me up early ready to get started. And I keep at it till late in the evening. What keeps you going?

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So I have had this grand plan for my life for years. It included these great goals and achievements that I wanted to create and bless others with. I wanted to make a bigger impact and on more lives than I had in the past. These are wonderful ideals. But the expectation as to how to put this into place made me miserable. The problem comes into play when I have expectations around these goals, I then decide what should or should not be happening to me, and get frustrated when those expectations are not met. I would concentrate on what happened to me rather than those things I will happen to. Because in my life things sometimes happen which get in the way of me having my expectations. These are not “Goals” I have but expectations on life. Many times my expectations are not met by life and then I get frustrated. Have you ever felt frustrated because your expectations of life are not being met?

So when things like this happen, since this is not part of our plan and it doesn’t work towards our goals

What do we do with it?

So what I do is I start to assign meaning to the experience. Oh this is bad or worst I am bad. I mean that is pretty common right? Our brains are wired to assign meaning to the things that happen to us. It is part of this centuries old programming that is meant to keep us alive. How does that programing play out today? What does that meaning look like? Most often for me that meaning I assign is negative. I’ve beat myself up after things outside of my expectations happened to me. How do you feel after you assign meaning? What type of meaning do you assign?

Or the next option for us to deal with this experience is we can feel shame, this is different, if I am in shame I would say something like I got a ticket because I am bad or I deserved it. Taking the experience and assigning shame to it is very destructive. Shame is never helpful. Assigning shame or thinking you are defective or bad because of an experience will likely send you into a tailspin.

But if I take the blame I am taking responsibility right, and taking responsibility is a good thing right? It depends on what we take responsibility for. Taking responsibility for things out of our control is not a good thing. Many times when people speak of taking responsibility they are actually taking the blame or accepting the shame. Sometimes when we take responsibility, they are for things outside of our Control. These ways of dealing with experiences are a way for us to hang ourselves. We beat ourselves so that we can have paid the price. Once the price and feel the guilt or shame I can feel like my has been paid then I am free to be able to act out again after all it wasn’t my fault it was the Officers. Right? Or If I’m in shame I am a bad person who always speeds. Either of these allow us to make the same decision again. Now maybe next time we will get away with it, but life has a way of catching up to us doesn’t it?

Look carefully at the way you think about what happens to you. The other option is that what happens to you is just what comes into my life and it is there for me to experience. Once I have had the experience there is no need to assign meaning to it or hold emotions around it. How would looking at it this way lead you to think? What feelings would you have with this thought process? Changing your thoughts about the things that come into your life is a way

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Have you ever gotten out of a good habit you were in and found it difficult to get back into it. I have had a problem with this and others around me seem to suffer with the same thing. Because I had allowed life to get in the way and stop me from doing some things I lost the momentum. Trying to get started again I experienced an emotional block. Part of this block came as other things that were screaming for me to do them first. There are times when I schedule time to complete my goal. But sometimes I allow myself to get distracted. I started running off onto another job that was easier to complete. Like cleaning off my desk, answering emails, anything other than completing my goal. For some people they will do anything but make a call. It might be for work or service or even family. But some people struggle to get on the phone. They will do anything but the thing they want to accomplish. It can be so hard to get started.

Last Friday I was talking to my son Wesley. Wes is going to the U of U and he had a paper due. He had it about 2/3rds of the way completed and was coming up with every reason not to finish it. He talked about asking his instructor for an extension. He didn’t feel the juices going and didn’t want to work on it. We talked about it and told him just to get started writing anything. Once the paper was in front of him and he was typing thoughts would begin to come. He called about an hour later and was fully engrossed and in a creative process and nearly done with the paper just wanted some perspective on the final draft. The thing was he had to be uncomfortable for a bit and start even though he wasn’t in the mood or even want to work on it.

This is very common and can happen even when we have set up great habits. We can get side tracked and not be in the mood. Or forget and after a couple of times the momentum we had built up to keep us going subsides. Then it can feel difficult to get going again. So when we lose the momentum and get out of practice. It can feel very difficult to get it going again. So how do we get started again? The longer we keep from starting does it get easier or harder to get back to? Will the distraction decrease? NO.

The difference is to start. Once you start the distractions will pass and the juices will start flowing and you will start to feel the momentum. When I sit down with the tools in front of me and start to think and work on what I want the distractions diminish. I start to get more momentum and the flow returns. Once I take the first step the rest falls into place. Truthfully Most people look at these big chunks of work that they figure it will take to get what they want. But really it only takes 20 Seconds to change your life, you only need to be brave for 20 seconds and to start. Like with my son He did not have to spend the whole hour and a half he was working on his paper being strong. After he started the words started flowing and then it was not hard to do he just continued on. It took very little energy at that time to keep going. He only had to put in the increased energy to get started. He had to be brave just long enough for the flow to start.

I’m betting you have something you want to do and yet it is hard to get started. The thing to do is just to start, take that first step. When you take the first step it puts a Natural Law into effect on your behalf. After that first step you have the law of inertia “things in motion tend to stay in motion” behind you pushing you on to greatness.

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Years ago I got a pair of glasses and I had them tinted as sunglasses. I chose this reddish brown tint. As I was driving down the road and the sun was setting, I saw this beautiful sunset. I remarked on it to my friend who was in the car and they looked over for a second and said yep. They didn’t see it.

I couldn’t believe that was all I got was a yep from such an incredible sight! I mean the colors were deep and rich and it looked like a picture. The colors were so vibrant. It was the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. I thought that deserves more than a yep. I pulled off my glasses and found that most of the colors disappeared. It was a nice sunset but without my glasses it was just ok. That is when I began to learn about my “rose colored glasses” and how I could learn to see the world. It was not that the world changed when I took off my glasses. It was not that my glasses kept me from seeing the world as it is. My “rose colored glasses” gave me a sight others did not share. They allowed me to see the beauty of this world.

In contrast, I remember the first time I felt shame about who I was and how I behaved. I was about 8 or 9 and we were watching home movies of a lake trip we had taken. I was playing with a couple logs and making a raft. I was very excited and animated. The excitement oozed out of me. It came out in my every movement. I hopped and gestured inviting others to come and be part of the fun I was having. As I watched myself in the movie I had a feeling of shame. I looked not at the fun I was looking to invite others to share in but instead I determined I looked a fool. I determined then and there that I was unlovable. I created a rift between me and the rest of the world.

These filters can create emotion depending on the filter you are looking through, they can create pain or maybe even agony. My particular filter did not show me who I was. Nor did it show me who I could be. This view or story you take is not you! The way you look at yourself is not the “Truth.” It is just a belief, a story you make up. There are infinite ways to view every person and everything that happens. Why do you choose the one you do?

Consider some of the following examples of emotional filtering:

• I feel guilty, therefore I must be bad.
• I feel afraid, the danger must be real.
• I feel so anxious... I'm pathetic.
• I'm very angry, they need to pay for what they did.
• I'm feeling very anxious, this must be a bad thing.

What filter do you see your life through? How have your filters changed the story you tell yourself. How does your beliefs serve you? Does it create the feelings or life that you want? Does the way you view it bring happiness or sadness to your life? Does it help you to feel empowered?

Do your emotional responses get influenced by your memories of past events or traumatic circumstances? Are you ever tricked into believing that a past threat is here now. Have you had a memory that led you to feel upset even though it was not happening at the time.

How do you change your filter? How would changing your breathing change how you feel? Could you use Meditation or mindfulness to change the filter.

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At the age of 16 Madilyn Paige was introduced to millions of people as a contestant and then the winner of Season 6 on “The Voice.” Madilyn told how right before this she was so shy that she would set alone at school during lunch. She has since written and produced songs like “We Are” The lyrics talk secrets, shame, and the pain that lives inside the dark but that is not who we are.

Then in her song “Foolish Game”

“I bet you thought you had me

I bet you thought you did me in

I'm running

Just when I thought it was the end

I knew I had to try and live again

I'm running”

In her most recent song “Body Image” She talks about how we have to address the voices that tell us that we aren’t good enough. In the Cores She asks the question “ Imagine me loving me what would that be like? Reflecting everything I could be if I tried.” What an amazing question that is. I hope you’ll Think about that. I certainly will. “Imagine me, loving me what would that be like?” If we looked as a society and we found the answer to that question our world would be a lot different right. In this world were the largest cause of death for people under 30 is suicide. If people could imagine them loving themselves. That would change things so much. If we reflected on what we could be if we tired. Can you see the power in those lyrics. I don’t know about you but knowing that those came from a 17 year old girl just amazes me. She has a whole lot more going on than I did at 17. I too was lost at 17. That is when I started wanting to leave this earth. I was not asking great questions like these. My story was about how I didn’t matter how I wasn’t good enough and unlovable.

Madilyn was asked “What advice would you give to individuals who are struggling with Self-esteem?

“Changing my negative thoughts to positive ones and focusing more on what I do have versus what I don’t really helped me overcome my insecurities and low self-esteem. Also remembering that I am truly irreplaceable and that comparing myself to others will get me nowhere and leave me unsatisfied with who I am.”

The reason I started this podcast was that I know from experience that these are the kind of messages missing in our world. I know that I am here to let each of you know this message. You are worthwhile, Worthy, and loved. This world needs this message now more than ever. Living these messages brings happiness. The messages we allow purchase in our mind are of our choosing. Madilyn speaks to how there are other “voices” that we all hear in our mind telling us we are not good enough. Or that we are unlovable, What runs through is not as important as to what we nourish, water and get to grow. Just like a garden the fact that weeds come up will not ruin the harvest if they are pulled they will not affect the outcome. It is if they are left and they take over space, nutrients, and water supplies and then reproduce that they will reduce the harvest. There is no one on earth like you so to compare yourself with anyone else takes away your uniqueness and makes you a carbon copay of someone that we already have. What would it be like if I loved myself? If I was everything I could be what would that be?

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So For the Marine Corps Birthday today, My story starts with a four hour long bus ride to sunny San Diego. As soon as the bus stopped I started acquiring new skills quickly. I did not need any self-motivation because the motivation offered up by those that got on the bus after arrival. The Drill instructors offered lot’s of motivation. It was sufficient for those that had arrived on the bus. They were yelling, screaming and in our personal space. They were demanding and exact. We almost tripped over each other as we erupted out of the bus. Under the watchful eyes of those welcoming us we were directed to stand on yellow painted footprints on the asphalt. We were told how to stand as we waited. There was energy that was fast moving and washed over me creating excitement and fear.

I was then welcomed to Marine Corps Recruit Depot where I would be for the next three months. We were then formed into lines and marched like cattle into a room to get a haircut. They asked how I would like my hair cut. Then I heard the buzz of the trimmers and felt the cold steel vibrate against the base of my neck and then proceed up my neck and over my head right through the center. Within about 6 more swipes the haircut was finished. I ran my hand over the smooth skin that had not seen the light of day since I was an infant. My red hair had been sucked up by the vacuum hose connected to the trimer and had disappeared as quickly as the trimmers could move through it. It took about three mins. They were yelling and I was up and out of the chair.

The entire time we were in Basic training the Drill Instructors were right there to provide motivation and they did it in a couple different ways. The first one was getting in your face nose to nose. Finger within a hair breath of your eye, yelling like you across a football field stadium from them. The second way was by corporal punishment. Drop and give me 50, or digging sit ups, now pushups, jumping jacks, now burpees. Then round and round we go. But it did create a few different things, one it created memory, most often didn’t happen more than twice often we learned after the first time. It also created strong and resilient people that could act fast and follow orders without question. Both of those things are important in combat situations.

Growth is that 5th basic human need that we talked about in Episode 102 and 103. It will come to us, whether we want it or not. To live an amazing life you must find motivation and choose to grow. I have experienced many times in my life where I was nose to nose with life. I now choose to move myself and not leave it up to life to motivate me.

The Marine Corps creates a brotherhood, Once you claim the title you are forever a Marine! You have brothers and sisters at your side at all times. You know each one is strong and capable and that they will have your back! This is one of the things that I love about being a Marine. It was lots of work. At the time I was not sure I had made the right decision. But I love being a part and I love being together with my brothers and Sisters. So today is the birthday of the Marine Corps! Ooohh Rah

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A podcast I listened to reminded me of the time that my marriage was crashing. My wife and I had grown apart. We needed a crash cart. We needed to be intubated with “Love”, injected with significance, and defibrillated or shocked with excitement. You might have experienced this or maybe you are going through it now. These are the same needs we discussed in Episode 102. At this time Evelyn and I were not talking or sharing with each other, we did not appreciate each other. Things looked better on the other side of the marriage vows. Both of us were looking to be validated by people outside our relationship.

We were not alone! Many people get sidetracked with work and parenting and forget to spend time on the marriage relationship. The shared time many couples have is just to go over the needs of the family. Talk about the things that need to be done, never getting into feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams, problems, or personal needs. Often one of the two will want to have sex and the other one doesn’t feel emotionally connected as there has been no communication or closeness so they do not want to have sex. I'm betting you have experienced some portion of this if you have been married over 1 yr.

Like I said earlier, when we were in this place we were not connecting very often. We did not feel validated by each other. But there were people at work or in chat rooms that would validate us, make us feel significance and connection. There was also excitement because of the new relationship. So it covered three of our needs. There was also the thrill of the chase and of being naughty, doing something that is against the norm. I hesitate to call it cheating because for most people that means a specific action. But relying on an individual outside your marriage relationship to fill personal emotional needs is cheating also. Now the needs were being met and in some positive ways but in some ways it was extremely negative and destructive. The bottom line was we needed to decide what it was we wanted.

Many people look at just the situations or actions, they blame the situation or action like; growing apart, or cheating for example. Cheating was not the problem, growing apart happens only to a field that is not tended. These are symptoms of a prior and deeper problem. People do not start looking for those needs to be met outside the relationship first. The first thing that happens is that the couple stops meeting the needs of each other. That is not usually the fault of one person. Our relationship was not fulfilling the needs we had, when we started meeting each other's needs, then there was no reason to look to others.

So Let’s go back over the list of needs. They are certainty, excitement, significance, connection or love. So; certainty, I was not certain that I was enough, I was questioning whether I was good enough. I questioned if our relationship could survive. Next I did not know that I was significant to my wife because I wasn’t hearing it from the ways she was telling me. I did not communicate to my wife in a way she could hear, that helped her understand her significance to me. We had to look at the communication style we had and match them up and learn to listen to the other and hear how we were significant.

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I speak to many people and I often hear the same thing, I asked how they were and they said “I am fine.” I’m sure you‘ve heard that from people and you have questioned if they were telling you the truth. That is what I experienced. When I look at what they say and the body language there is a disconnect in the story.

The reasons it looks like they are not “fine” is they have an unmet need. We as human beings must get these next needs met in some way. According to Tony Robbins, there are basic needs for us to stay alive, first is certainty, then excitement, significance, and number four is love or connection; these are basic needs and everyone finds ways to get these met. Whether they are met in a positive or negative way matters less than having the needs met. To be whole these needs are important to have met.

But there are two other needs that are higher needs, not needed to survive but needed to be happy, they are growth and contribution. These are needs that I’m not sure are being met in those who say they are “fine” but don’t look at it. These two needs are not always met, many people have existed without these being met. But because they do not feel fulfilled when it comes to growth or contribution there is something missing in their life. This is what makes me question if they are “fine.”

What are some reasons people would say I’m fine when they are not? Some people might think they are “protecting others” or they might believe others wouldn’t understand. I think many people don’t even know who they are lying to. This lie is to ourselves not to anyone else. It is easier and takes less courage to say “I’m good” then to be real and open, or to tell them that we are hurting. It is easier to put on this mask, than to face our fears. Could it be that it is easier to be concerned with how we look than let someone see the real us? Is this fib worth living?

So saying I’m fine is a way of meeting a need, one of those four. Could it be that it meets the need of significance when the need that is lacking is connection? You might feel significance by suffering in silence. It could also be that the “I’m fine” is a way that you find certainty. Is it a badge of strength? Some might find connection with those who are also saying they are fine. The lie I’m fine is one that can be used to hide many beliefs we hold about ourselves and others.

• How long can we use these lies?
• How long are you willing to live with the pain and the shame?
• Does the cutting, using, hurting that goes with telling yourself this lie to deal with the underlying issue?
• Do you want to have a different experience?
• What can you put into the place of the story you are falsifying?

If you choose not to use the word “fine” for 1 month what would your life look like?

4 ways to change your mindset

• Communicating what is going through your mind: if you are having a rough time be honest with that especially with those who care about you.
• Question each negative thought that comes into your mind.
• Believe that there are people that are going through things as bad as or worse than you are experiencing.
• Have an attitude of gratitude: look for things to be thankful for.

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Marc Merco is a Boxer and Wrestler. He tells a great story about his past. In high school he got into drugs and alcohol. He would come home late and his Mom would be waiting up. He didn’t get it for many years but found that it is about who you spend your time with that makes you. His mom always believed in him. It is a story that you can probably relate to. There are times when people want my time or attention and it is not convenient for me. There are times when I put other people in front of my family. Because friends and being needed are what are important right! Do you know and act on only those things that are important? I sure still work on that.

Ask yourself who is there for you? When I’m down or in trouble, who are the ones that call me, who makes sure I’m ok, who gives me a hug and helps me feel safe? When I break up or lose a friend, who is it that helps me to feel happy, loved and worthy?

Why is it important who I choose as friends? “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim RohnThis is based on the law of averages. So who is it that you spend time with and why do you want to be with them?

So many of us go through life and we are the average. Is that where your parents or family want you to be? Is Average what you are here on earth to accomplish? Are you content being the average? My parents always wanted more for me than being average. My mom like Marc’s has always believed in me.

• What do your friends think you can be?
• What do they believe you are capable of?
• What do you want to be thought of as capable of?
• What is important to you?
• What are your dreams?

You can find out what is important to you by finding out who you are and learning from the conversations, thoughts, and questions you have with yourself. Ask yourself, when those that I love pass away what will my discussion with them be?

Do you have a tight inner circle of people that believe in you and do they help you to achieve at a high degree? Who are those people?(Write down on paper, make a list of who you spend your days with.)

Next, ask yourself, How happy, enthusiastic or successful are they? Do those people reach for some of the things I want? Do we push each other or do we slide together? What do you and those you spend time with talk about?

Evaluate: do they help me to feel good about myself and my life? The people you spend time with are great people, I'm sure. But do these people live on the next level up or down from you? Do these people have what you want out of life? What type of person are you to those around you?

What kind of friend are you?

1. Do you help lift your friends?
2. Do you encourage them to be successful and happy?
3. Do you add value to their life?
4. Are they filled with joy because of you?

What do you require of those that you spend time with? What do those that spend time with you require of you? Are you getting what you want from life? Is who you are spending time with working for you?

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So one of my clients was being bullied and as part of that bully she is told that she is ugly. Many times others around her like parents and family members would tell her she is beautiful. Many people’s reaction to those who believe poorly of themselves is to tell them the opposite. How does this work in life?

Many times people will disregard information that is contrary to the belief they hold. As an example have you ever looked for something, you knew or were told where to find it and yet you were staring right at it and can’t see it? That is due to the brain and how it is set up to work. Your brain has what is called a “gamma switch”. The job of this switch is to block out information that doesn’t fit our viewpoint.

Have you heard a radio that jumps back and forth between two stations when it is tuned in to a frequency that is midway between two stations? You can often get small snippets of the song playing on each and it goes back and forth. Your mind can also change wavelengths moving form faster ones to slower ones. Your cells tune into those wavelengths. This switch can keep you from recognizing input. Because it is out of the wavelength that our brain is tuned too. So we can tell people things that they cannot see. Telling a person good things about them if they are not in that wavelength does little good.

“Staying on the right frequency is the only way to really hear what you’re after. In much the sameway, the brain’s nerve cells are able to “tune in” to the right station to get exactly the information theyneed,” says researcher Laura Colgin.

So how do we help people to change their thought frequency?

Let’s look at four:

1. List your thoughts, write them down. What are the thoughts? Thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are closely linked. What you feel, what you think, and how you behave come from the frequency of you are in. If you change the frequency of either your thoughts, beliefs or actions, it will change the other two. You will have only one frequency in your body at once most of the time.
2. Explore your thoughts, Always question the ways your thoughts proceed and question the beliefs’ you come from your thoughts. You can use the feelings and the thoughts they invoke as a gauge. So back to our example, if others say you are “ugly” if you accept that belief, how does it feel when you think that way? Is there any information that is different to the information they provide?
3. Now that you have a list, take it and develop how your list of thoughts develop patterns. As these patterns become ingrained and they turn into core beliefs. That is good news, it means if you want to reprogram your mind, you can. It is as simple as changing the patterns of thoughts. This is not necessarily easy but it is as simple as changing your patterns of thinking.
4. Determine the outcomes of your thoughts. How do your thoughts make you feel, what actions follow which thoughts. If your thoughts don’t have the desired outcome change your thinking. You can change your frequency.

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I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life'. – Maya Angelou

Many people including those who have been very successful in their chosen field, have felt like there is nothing to live for. They have either attempted or been successful in taking themselves out of the game of life. These people were unable to cope with their emotions and the pain they were experiencing. They struggled to deal with their story. Some are incredible people like John Belushi, or Heath Leger both of which died of a drug overdose and Robin Williams. These were incredible people who made a difference in the lives of others and they are missed each day. People who changed the lives of millions, but were unable to change their own story.

I am sorry that these wonderful unique individuals are gone. I then look at my life and try to see if there are any similarities. When I wanted my life to end and I wanted to leave this world, what was it that I hoped to gain? What things might people think about if they are looking at ending their lives?

One of the things that people go through is the thought of how bad life is. I saw an example of this in Shrek The Musical the other night. The song “I Think I got You Beat” really spoke to me. The lyrics were about comparing their difficult lives. This is something I think many of us have done before. In the song Fiona is complaining about just having a hot plate and a cot, Shrek whining about being attacked and bullied. Each one trying to convince the other that they had it worst. Have you ever compared your life and how bad you have it? I think to get to a place where you’re using drugs as a coping device or if you’re contemplating suicide it is probably something you’ve thought about.

Now, I’ve experienced pain and abuse and I’m betting you have also. I don’t think comparing it gets us closer to overcoming it. I don’t want to compare the things that caused me pain to the things that caused you pain. I don’t need to get into “my life’s harder than yours.” I have gone through the things that have happened to me and I have the right to decide what I will think about those moments. But this is how we create our story. I will take my life and the issues that I have been through over yours.

Most of the time when I have compared my life to others I end up looking at it to find fault in someone else. Or I somehow don’t measure up, or they have an advantage that I didn’t. It is with a predetermined outcome that I judge what is going on. I know I am not alone here. I have worked to build beliefs that back the outcome that I have chosen. It is my way of backing up the belief that I want to prove right. These beliefs do not have to be true they only must be believed to be deadly.

Have you experienced any of these thoughts?

You are not as good as someone else?

You are successful in one area of your life yet are failure in others?

Just because you have learned to develop a living doesn’t mean that you have created a life?

Have you ever wanted more?

Doesn’t matter what you are being told by outside influences’ you still feel like a failure.

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If you think about it your brain is always on. Day or night asleep or wide awake your brain is working. It takes care of your thoughts, movements, breathing and heartbeat. 24/7. Your brain requires a great deal of fuel constantly. Not all fuel is the same in how it burns. If you have a gas car and put diesel fuel in it. You are going to have to have the fuel drained and replaced, because it will not run your car. Same for your brain. You can eat and be full all day long but your brain can be starving. Your brain functions best on premium fuel. High quality is more important than large amounts. Your brain can be damaged by low quality or processed foods.

Your brain uses vitamins and omega’s 3; minerals, and antioxidants.

Let us look at antioxidants and how they help the brain. Stress in our lives creates oxidation, “waste” (free radicals) as these go unchecked in the body they cause disease and even cancer. Free Radicals and inflammatory cells circulating within the brain lead to brain tissue injury. Diets high in refined sugars for example are harmful to the brain. They promote inflammation and oxidative stress. Multiple studies show that high intakes of sugar are linked with depressive symptoms. It is so important to reduce the processed sugars. The easiest way to cut these is by taking soda and other drinks like that out of your diet. The brain needs antioxidants and low inflammation to run at it’s best.

Omega 3’s are also of importance to brain function. Fish oil has an incredible impact when it comes to mild memory loss and depression. Omega 3s have two types EPA and DHA both of which have powerful anti-inflammatory functions in the body. They are both critical to human development and heart health. They are found almost exclusively in fish. So a good fish oil supplement is recommended. Also as far as oils go I will mention that extra virgin olive oil is brain food! In fact Dr Gundry said “the whole purpose of food is to get olive oil into your mouth.” Extra virgin Olive oil has been found in a study of mice to reduce the problems and damage normally found in those with Alzheimer’s disease. Getting enough of these oils into your body is very important to your mental health.

As to why food is such a big deal with how you feel. 95% of the serotonin (which is a neurotransmitter) is Created in the gut. Your gut or (gastrointestinal tract) has the most nerve cells or neurons, outside of the brain. There is a reason why we should trust our gut. The production of serotonin and other neurotransmitters are influenced by the “good” bacteria in your gut and sugars reduce the number and types of ‘good’ bacteria that our body has. Which impacts the amount of neurotransmitter our body produces which impacts our brain.

Try eating ‘“cleanly” for two or three weeks. Cut out processed food, white sugar, industrialized meats, and vegetable oils. Include lots of different kinds of veggies all of different colors. Including fermented foods will boost your “good” bacteria. I promise you, you will feel so much better! You will have more energy and a better mood. You will not want to eat like you did you will prefer the lower levels of pain and the increased energy.

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Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author, nationally recognized journalist, and weekly “Dear Therapist” columnist and podcast Dear Therapist.

“I’m a psychotherapist and a writer, and in both of these roles, I believe that our stories form the core of our lives and give them deeper meaning. As a writer I ask, “What does the protagonist want and what is keeping that person from getting it?” As a therapist I ask the same questions. In both the therapy room and at my writing desk, I do a lot of editing of these stories: What material is extraneous? Is the story advancing or is the protagonist going in circles? Do the plot points reveal a theme?”

In her most recent book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone she looks at how revising our well-worn stories help us move forward and heal. In this book she talks about how she had a crisis that causes her world to come crashing down, so she starts therapy with a therapist and talks about many of the same questions that her clients have. In doing this she is able to reveal our blind spots and examine the truth and fiction we tell ourselves. This book is a portrait on what it means to be human.

One of the tools she talks about is changing your story. Each of us writes the story we hear in our mind. Our thoughts can come in without our help. But we choose which thoughts to give meaning and listen to. If a thought comes in and we dismiss it and do not give it power or significance the thought will not stay. We have the power to choose our thoughts, that is what it is to be human.

Another tool she talks about is “Idiot Compassion” So many people are happy to jump on and attack anyone that did something to annoy you. You tell a story about a boss or a partner and people jump on and say “that was terrible”, ``Screw them”, “Your right they are wrong” Giving them the power and taking away your agency. “Wise Compassion” is holding up a mirror so you can see what stories are going on in your life. That is what we can do for you in coaching with me. I provide wise compassion and help you get what you want. This is a great way to move on and overcome the pain.

She states that most people do not realize how much agency they have. That we are all “unreliable narrators” Most of us tell stories from the viewpoint that we experienced them at. If the story happened at age 8 we look at it through the lens of an 8 year old even when we are 80. This is what we choose. We could look at it as an adult but we do not. You have the ability to choose what your response will be, to a given circumstances or relationships. We all know that there are horrible circumstances in this world. We don’t need to argue that. But the fact is that even in the most horrible of circumstances you have the ability to choose the story you tell about it and how you will respond. This tool of practicing your agency and choosing your story will give you the ability to move past the pain you feel.

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Life can be difficult, monotonous, or just, not what we envisioned for ourselves. I mean, the picture I held in my mind when I was in my 20’s and the life that I have lived are not even on the same continent. So I get that, Then we can also be stuck in a rut, fighting habits that don’t serve us, or have fear ruling our lives. There are so many things that we can be dealing with. You might feel that you are different and that no one else is suffering from the things that you are. You might feel that you are broken and that changing your emotions is out of your power. It is very common for people to feel that way. Maybe you are looking for a drug that will “FIX” you. Because that is quite common too. But in all of these feelings and all of these thoughts the one true thing about them is they are felt by many. The truth is you are not alone in these feelings.

1. Warm up each day: Do 15 mins of stretching, running, or aerobic exercise. This will improve blood flow, get you feeling fresh and prevent minor aches and pains.
2. Have a schedule for your day: Include time for reading, meditating, moving, Family time, and things that improve your life.
3. Set a particular time to go to bed and one to get up. Follow a ritual for preparing for bed include a wind down period. Have the lights turned lower for at least one half hour before bed. Make sure the room is completely dark.
4. Stay away from sugary drinks, Eat foods rich in micronutrients: If you are getting calories from drinks it is tough to not over consume and be overweight. Our bodies are not meant to drink calories. It is important to your health to eat foods that are high in fiber and that are nutrient dense. Eat lots of veggies with every meal. The more color on your plate the healthier it is.
5. Supplement: You need more vitamins and minerals than the food we produce now have, to get the same nutrition from a bowl of spinach grown in the 1950s it would take 6 bowls today. So add high quality nutritional supplements. If you have questions about these give me a call and we can go over what you want.
6. Treat people with kindness and politeness: This will make you more likable and people will be more likely to help you out. But it also creates in you a positive mindset which helps you to feel happier.
7. Clean up your house: Some people think that they have a method to the madness but just start with the room you spend the most time in. The mental clarity that comes from being in a clean organized environment will elevate your mood and you will feel more motivated and efficient.
8. Create a map of where you want to go: Whether or not I got there would be kind of a matter of luck without a map. If you don’t have a map you are in for a long and probably eventful trip.
9. Create more and deeper relationships: Put this into your schedule. Spend time with people you have relationships with but also with those that you would like to build relationships with. These relationships will help you get the things that you want, they will help you feel more complete and whole. This can help you be happier, more open minded and gain more opportunities.
10. Establishing boundaries: Learn to use “no,” “Sorry,” “that’s interesting,” and “go on” more often. These saying reduce stress, nip problems, and strengthen relationships.

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You know the feeling when things just aren’t going your way. The other day I put in a new transmission in my car that is just a couple years old. It was out of the shop for 3 weeks and then while we were driving at night less than 2 weeks later we hit the carcass of an animal and the car was back in the shop. I’m sure you have had those times when things seem to gang up and the water level makes you sound like a motorboat when you breathe out. I’m sure you can relate especially this year when as a society we have gone from Covid 19 to lockdown the kids being home all day, then your work hours might have changed you might even be working from home, then we moved onto demonstrations and riots in many major cities, After that did you get a breath before the hurricanes started. That is just what happened as a society. I’m betting there was something in between that just happened to you. A friend once told me to treat everyone as if they are in the middle of a crisis and you’ll be right at least 50% of the time.

Everyone in the country has had many challenges this past year. I’m betting you might be able to relate to many. But is relating, or being patient with them is that your go to action? I’m betting not. I know it is not mine. I still have lists of things that I must do before the day is over. I have been working on some things for years and I have not yet overcome them. Things very seldom change overnight. Those that we call “overnight successes” have put in years of effort and patience. Then after the years of work things can sometimes build quickly and from the outside it might look like it was overnight. So right now what our country needs, I guess what the world needs, is more patience and grace shared with each other. Because now more than ever we have people that are going through tough times.

When we are stressed we can also be suffering from information overload. In this state we can miss parts of the communication and some of the nuances. We tend to not fully hear info because of the inability to juggle the facts of the crisis, or not remember as much as we could when not stressed. We can also misinterpret some messages. To make sure that our information is passed on during stressful times we should use simple messages.

Another way we deal with communication when we are stressed is we like to hold on to current beliefs. Changing our beliefs can sometimes seem counterintuitive, especially during a crisis. We want to hold onto our beliefs when we are stressed and surrounded by unknowns. We want to stick to existing beliefs because these give us comfort. When talking with people in crisis make sure to use messages from a credible source.

Next when we are stressed we like to look for additional info and opinions. We tend to use our experiences to base our beliefs. So to change our beliefs we may need to check with friends, family members, or look to news sources to back up the information that we are getting. It is important to use consistent messages when dealing with someone that is in a crisis.

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I’m betting there are a bunch of Marvel movie fans out there. I’m also a big one. When I saw this speech I knew I had to include it. King T’Challa’s at the end of the Black Panther movie.

I want to look at this not as a community statement but as an individual. So many of us like to look at what separates us. I mean that is easy right I see people do it all the time. They are glaring examples all over social media if you have any questions about it. Another way it was put is “In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” by Rick Hansen PhD. You probably know Family members, and friends that have this ailment also. It is so prevalent. Unless you are constantly conscious of it you probably act this way from time to time right. I mean it is really common. I work on it but still find it happening in my life. I think about the differences that me and this other person have. I mean isn’t this the basis of arrogance?

But the thing that makes the most sense is to look at the way the beliefs make you feel and how others around you react. As the next sentence says “the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers.” Most of you if you were told you were racist I’m betting that would build a barrier between the two of you. I’m not a big historian and I would love to have someone point out a time in history when building barriers created change. I can think of a few places where building bridges between people created it. Like Ronald Regan and Mikhail Gorbachev, Barack Obama built bridges with Congress and the Senate or Nelson Mandela. To me these are great examples of building bridges. You might not agree or maybe even judge some of these men or me for saying that. I had judgements go through my mind as I wrote them. We don’t have to stop the judgements, just pay attention to them and decide whether or not to give them a voice, or to give them authenticity. What is the purpose of giving your judgement a voice? Does giving it a voice create division or solidarity, does it create love or anger? What is it you think it will change?

To me the end goal is to create one single family or tribe. Borders don’t matter, race is not what drives me. I feel we are all one, My belief is that we all share a single maker. Everything on this earth was created by the same God! That is what brings us together. If we look at DNA humans share 99.99% on average. If we concentrate on that .01 percent it can seem so huge! Isn't it arrogance to concentrate on the differences?

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Most have heard the name Kobe Bryant. He passed recently but has many admirers. He was one of the greatest basketball players of all time. He had a 20 season career with the Lakers in the NBA and a 5 X champion. He had 2 gold medals that he won in 2008 and 2012 Summer Olympics. He had a flair that captivated everyone on and off the court! Kobe was constantly striving for greatness. Kobe said “There’s a choice that we have to make as people, as individuals. If you want to be great at something, there’s a choice you have to make. We all can be masters at our craft, but you have to make a choice. What I mean by that is, there are inherent sacrifices that come along with that. Family time, hanging out with friends, being a great friend, being a great son, nephew, whatever the case may be. There are sacrifices that come along with making that decision.” He also said “The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great at whatever they want to do.”

Kobe talks about a high school teacher that had a big effect on him that taught him the importance of “story.” Story telling made his basketball better, he said. Kobe had a great love for the game. Kobe is a great example of Focus. He is able to hyper focus on things and spend all his time working to improve his craft no matter what he was reading or looking at. Then after basketball he went into movies and became a storyteller. Stories are important and how you tell the story is also very important. I need to look at my life and how I am telling these stories. I know that I can tell them better than I do. This life is about becoming a master storyteller. You will get the things you want and get others the things that they want by telling great stories.

Life is a balancing act. Kobe spent lots of time away but when he was home he was home. You can spend time away as long as you are there for the family and spend time doing things with them when you are. Be there for important things in your family. He would work to be there for his family flying home for a birthday or other event. Even if it makes you do uncomfortable things. Kids don’t know about your day. They don’t understand they just want your attention. But it is not about whether or not you are feeling like it, you just be there and play with them.

He talked about being injured and standing up taking the free throw and walking off the court. He said the pain was not as important as his love. He gave the example of being hurt and setting at home. If a fire broke out in the house you would run upstairs get your kids and wife and get them out of the house. You would not be thinking about the pain you would think about protecting your family because it is about your love not your pain.

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A study in 2011 reported that the respondents of Stress in America survey reported lack of willpower as the greatest obstacle to change. For some reason we think that we can at times of low mental energy have these stores of will power to overcome these bad habits. We think that all that is required to exercise, save money, stop drinking, quit smoking, and to accomplish our goals is to use our will power.

PsychologistKelly McGonigal calls this the “I won’t power.” McGonigal is a frequent lecturer at Stanford University and the author of “The Willpower Instinct.”

according to McGonigal willpower is comprised of three things:

I won’t power;

I will power;

I want power (remembering what you really want).

1. Examine and know yourself: If you understand the root sources of your behaviors it will be ever so much easier to change them. Look into yourself, find out what is going through your head, what are you feeling and what is it that you actually want, and write those things down, look at them often. Self awareness is key to wellness and flourishing.
2. Mediate: This helps with so many things. Attention, focus stress management, impulse control.
3. Move: Exercise is one of the best tools to build and strengthen willpower. If you want to start with one day a week start with that. Consistently moving is important to your mind and body.
4. Eat right. Set yourself up for success. I tell people all the time “I only eat the foods that I buy. If I don’t buy doughnuts I don't eat them.” You spend moments in the store compared to hours at home. Use your willpower at those few moments at the store before that sweet tooth call, make sure you don’t go to the store hungry, set you up for success by not buying the ice cream, beer, cigarettes, or anything else. If you have to leave your home to go get the sweets or beer run it is unlikely that it will have as great a pull on you as it would if it is there in your house.
5. Build in time to relax: put it on the calendar and make it part of your daily routine.

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Wherever you go there you are. One of the problems we as humans have is we try to outrun our problems yet they always accompany us. Shortly after we were married I continued to move us around like 24 times in 2 years. Thinking I would make my life better. I’m not sure that worked! It is similar to what is happening today. Last Monday in the podcast I mentioned refugees and people who had moved from India and how they have brought their caste system and are putting it into place here in the US. Just because we transplant ourselves does not change the type of plant that we are, If you are a rose you will do better in some environments than in others!

As John F Kennedy said “Our problems are man made; therefore, they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings. Man’s reason and spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable, and we believe they can do it again.”

What is it you want to change? What is it that you are most unhappy about? What is it that makes you unhappy? You might want to change a relationship, a job or where you are living. But why do you want those to change? Maybe you are feeling stuck, depressed or withdrawn. Maybe you feel “If Only ___ then I would be happy.” Maybe, you feel like you are not enough, or you do not deserve to be happy. Unless you are a lot different from me you felt these things before. These thoughts create your experiences and your emotions.

These thought patterns may have been created during early childhood and then run continually since. They could be newer pathways with less connections. But the beliefs and patterns have been programmed into your brain most likely without your conscious knowledge and then stored in your subconscious mind. These thought patterns might have been handed down from parents, teachers ,clergy , movies, books, TV and other sources. These people passed those beliefs on without thinking about it most likely. These patterns are wired together in our brains and simply continue to repeater themselves if not interrupted.

So how do we interrupt these and make changes to our thought patterns?

1. Observe and face the beliefs you have. Some people fear that this will lead to pain when in actuality it leads to freedom. If it does lead to pain the pain will dissipate in moments rather than having to live with it for a lifetime.
2. Choose to think differently and to hold that thought over and over till the rational mind agrees with you. You can change the unwanted patterns that no longer serve you and create new patterns that are filled with joy, beauty, peace and abundance.
3. Practice mindfulness: be conscious of your thoughts and direct them rather than having them direct you. Think of the present. Stay away from the past or the future.

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“We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

The reason to pay attention to what offends you, is whatever offends you also reveals you. Carl Jung stated “Everything that irritates us leads us to an understanding of ourselves.” What offends you reveals who you are and what you feel about yourself. Being offended is about your ego. It is the ego that is reacting when you take offense, Today it is so common to take offense. I get it this is a huge problem for me. I take offense and get frustrated just like you. I take things that friends and family members say in the wrong way and get uptight. I know my wife feels there are times when she has to be careful with what she says to me. My youngest son's behaviors often affect my emotions. “If you hate a person you hate something in him that is part of yourself.” stated Hermann Hesse. All these are signs that I am putting someone else in charge of my emotions. That is what taking offense does, it takes us out of the driver's seat and makes the other person in control of our emotions and actions. That has not worked well for me in the past yet I continue to let it happen.

TALK YOURSELF OUT OF BEING OFFENDED

PUT YOURSELF IN THE “OFFENDER’S” SHOES

ASSUME A BENEVOLENT MOTIVE

PRACTICE DETACHMENT

LEARN HUMILITY

LOVE TRUTH MORE THAN BEING RIGHT

OVERCOME SELF-CENTEREDNESS

RESERVE JUDGMENT

ACCEPT IMPERFECTION

ACCEPT YOURSELF

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Dwayne had a dream of being in the NFL and when he realized that would never be a reality he stated "All my friends were living their dream and I was living a nightmare," he said. "I fell into depression at that time." He also said “Struggle and pain is real. I was devastated and depressed, I reached a point where I didn’t want to do a thing or go anywhere. I was crying constantly.” I have been there. I remember not wanting to get out of bed for days on end. Struggle and pain are part of this existence. We all learn to deal with it differently. Many of us, especially Men, don't want to talk about it. There is an ongoing stigma around depression. Especially in the military. If you are going into or are in the military you cannot mention ever being depressed. This is a taboo. If you have had any depression in your life they will not let you in the military. If you have it when you are in you will never get a promotion. The Military doesn’t know how to deal with emotion especially depression so they just screen for it. If you wonder how that works for them look at the veterans suicide numbers.

The Rock said, "It's kind of like what's been deemed as 'toxic masculinity.' You've got to talk about it and (realize) you're not alone.” Talking about feeling that is not masculine! That is a crock. The only reason not to discuss feelings is fear. If fear is not masculine then talking about feelings is. Later on he tweeted "We all go through the sludge/shit and depression never discriminates," he wrote. "Took me a long time to realize it but the key is to not be afraid to open up. Especially us dudes who have a tendency to keep it in. You’re not alone."

So what are the things to look out for?

Things that help you overcome depression

1. Talk or be around others who lift you up
2. Exercise and eat right: I know it’s hard to believe but Dwayne says he likes to go to the gym.
3. Mindfulness: Change your thoughts
4. Practice meditation, stay present
5. Journal Write your story give it your past and pain a outlet write out things you are grateful for
6. Serve others this builds new relationships and help you be grateful
7. Get enough sleep, go to bed and get up at the same time.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, help is available via Lifeline chat

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Did you know chronic stress is linked to the six leading causes of death; heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, psoriasis of the liver, and suicide. More than 75% of all Physicians office visits are for stress-related illness and complaints. Chronic stress affects your brain, suppresses your thyroid, causes blood sugar imbalances, decreases bone density and muscle tissue, raises blood pressure, reduces your immunity and ability to heal, and if that is not enough it also increases fat deposits around your abdomen. Unless stress isn’t a problem for you (superman or women) you'll want to pay attention to this issue Because you might die or you might just live miserably, fat, dumb, and ugly. So how you handle stress is very important. Do you have the right tools to deal with stress? Do I have your attention?

Let's go over a couple of ways to master and conquer the negative side of stress. Have you ever been incredibly stressed out about something and then done it and after it was over wondered why in the heck you got so worked up? For example learning to ride a bike. What is the difference between one person finding an action stressful and another person finds the action joyous. The answer is nothing, there is nothing different about the thing. Don't be fooled any longer.

The difference between positive and negative stress are just the illusions you create around both. This is the shocking and harsh truth: our natural animal responses to stress are created by an illusion that you create. Hear me I want to be clear here, I'm not saying that your feelings and experiences are not real. I get that you might feel and actually might be very stressed and worried. I'm simply suggesting that what you are feeling and experiencing is because of the illusion your mind has made up about the action. That illusion is not real, once your mind realizes that is not real, neither will be the stress. Neither the event or circumstance surrounding it cause the emotions. Despite the label you have given them, in the grand scheme of things they just are. There is no good or bad, it is just an illusion created by the opinion you or others hold and accept. This is how one person is terrified of heights, another finds it elating and blissful. Do you jump from an airplane, hang glide, or rock climb, or sit in fear at the edge? Do you feel the ocean is tranquil and invigorating? If so you will dive, surf or swim in it. You and someone else can sit at the top of a cliff side by side at the same height, you can be in the ocean and feel the same motion. The real difference is just your opinion. It is just how you think about it. Changing your opinion can literally change your emotions. This can eliminate the negative effect on you immediately.

Why do we then feel the stress and fear and continually feel these over the top emotions? I get that this sounds crazy, but it's human to love the pain of your emotion. We wear it as a badge of courage. It helps us to feel alive. Why do you go to see a horror flick? It causes fear in the body right? We like to feel that. But the important question is how is the fear serving us. Does it move us to get things done feel good? Does it incapacitate us? Does it make us feel bad, forget things, and make it tough to relax?

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Today I want to tell you about one of the things that makes an Amazing Life. This last weekend my wife and I went on a four day trip to Pagosa Springs Co. We were celebrating our 28th year of marriage. We had a simply wonderful time. This time was not without setbacks or problems that is not what made it amazing. In fact there was a fairly big and costly problem. We did not let that taint the trip. We spent as little time as possible on it. Handling it but not focusing on it. During our trip we spent much of our time together We listened to books that we like and podcasts and talked about things we want. And the majority of it without phones. I uploaded some Pictures on the facebook group for anyone who wants to see the things we did.

The first day we went to Chimney Rock National Park, This is an archaeological site located at the southern edge of the San Juan Mountains, This site tells about the ancestral Puebloans of the Chaco Canyon. These people had amazing lives over 1,000 years ago. They fought with neighbors the Fremont tribe of southern Utah, they have found bodies with spear heads. They eventually moved away from the place that they loved and destroyed their homes. Never to move back. They had faced Long cold winters living at 7,000 Ft. They faced hunger and danger. They had lost loved ones to disease and war. Do you think any of them found it hard to get out of bed in the morning? I’m betting they did. I’m betting they faced similar emotions to those that we face today.

Other things Pagosa Springs offers are miniature golf, frisbee golf, lots of beautiful walks. Then the claim to fame is the hot springs that they are named for. The smell of sulfur is noticeable in the air at times and places. There are these pools of hot water along the river that differ in temp. They are so amazing to set in. They refreshed not only my body but my soul. The hot water with all the minerals softened my skin and just made me feel good. As we sat in one pool we started to talk to a guy who was also in the pool. He had come to wash his clothes and clean himself up. He looked like he could have been homeless. We spoke for about a half hour talking about current events, Things like today and all the crazy things happening. We spoke about the presidential race and the looting and rioting. We talked about religion, He asked if we were Members of “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. We told him yes. He talked about the golden records Joseph Smith found were not a record but a vision of the future of people earning golden records for music today. We also talked about the bible he mentioned the members he had met had a good understanding of the bible. We talked about this radio show he had listened to on the Caste system in India

If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast and also join the Facebook group. Also, here is a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Yesterday we started talking about stress. We talked about how stress leads to weight gain, Old before our time, and increases our stupidity. Then we discovered it doesn't really even exist, it's something that you make up or interpret in your head. One person's Bliss is another person's stress and we found out that you are a masochist that you are in love with your stress. So let's figure out why? Why do you love stress so much? Why do you stay so loyal in your devotion to it? There are multiple reasons, here's the number one it makes you feel alive! Even this negative stress has a reason to be in our life. It is a sensation in the spectrum of feelings. It helps us to feel alive. Stress, pain, joy, excitement on a subconscious level you love all of these emotions equally, with pain being one of the most intense and titillating. In the book “Illusions” by Richard Bach he talks about life being an illusion, like a movie that appears to be real and at the time of viewing it you are actually immersed in that illusion. Why else would we watch a movie? During it you feel suspense, excitement, love connection, all the way to fear or horror. But here's the reality the images in front of you are not even moving they only appear to be moving. it is only a light show, different colors and shades of light playing across the screen. So why do you choose to go see a horror movie? You know you will be safe but you also know what feelings it will elicit while you are there.

This is also why you might create circumstances in your life that give you the opportunity to experience those emotions. These might even be emotions you label as painful or filled with drama. These emotions create or fill your spirit on a subconscious level. Your reality and life is just as temporary and as much of an illusion as the ink Stephen King uses to create his characters lives.

Stress and pain also gives you tension that can be viewed as created by circumstances. Those painful emotions from the world. As an example, have you ever known a drama queen or king? Everything to them is a travesty, they're constantly speaking about painful things that have happened to them to create the painful emotions. They have found behavior that provides what the subconscious is looking for. They are looking for empathy, they want attention, they need compassion and connection with others through the drama. This behavior is conjured at a subconscious level yet to their conscious mind it is very real

These were probably difficult for you to hear. Do you feel a defensive alarm that is sounding in your head? If so, it's a good time to face it.

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast also join the Facebook group. Also, click here and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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So here is the Terminators first charge: trust yourself. I think this secret as simple as it sounds has some meat to it. So deep, deep down, who do you want to be, not what do you want to do. Who do you want to be is a deeper question.

The second statute is to “break some rules, but not the law” There are so many rules in life about everything It is not possible to be a Maverick if you're too well behaved. Break the rules that hold you in.

Principle number three: don't be afraid to fail: Arnold states “anything I've ever attempted, I was always willing to fail, you can’t always win.”

Next ignore the naysayers: We hear all the time “you can't do this, or you can't do that,” People say this only because they have never seen it done before. Arnold stated “I love it when someone says no one has ever done this before because then when I do it that means that I'm the first one that has done it.”

On to principle number 5 Arnold said “this is the most important law in the world. “Work Like Hell.” There is absolutely no way around the hard road. Arnold said “I've always believed leaving no stone unturned Muhammad Ali one of my great hero's he had a great line in the 70’s when he was asked how many sit-ups do you do?” Muhammad said “I don't count my sit-ups. I only start counting when it starts hurting. When I feel pain that’s when I start counting because that's when it really counts.”

On to the 6th fundamental: “give something back” We did not get to where we are today without assistance. We did not make it on our own. We got help along the way. None of us live on an island by ourselves. So none of us have done anything alone. This message is of particular importance right now! With all that is going on in the world we need to help each other. There are millions of children who need help. Families that don’t have enough money. People who can’t read. You can make a difference. Teach someone to read, encourage people to exercise! Join an Organization where you can give a child a hug, or hang a medal around their neck and say “you’re a winner!” tell people we believe in you! We love you! You are important to us! I promise you reaching out and helping people will bring you more satisfaction than anything else you've ever done.

Some of you will say I don’t have time for all these. Arnold says, “I've always figured out that there are 24 hours a day, so you sleep 6 hours. That leaves you 18 hours left. You work for 8 or 10 that still leaves plenty of time to do all 6 of these. Some say I sleep 8 or 9 hours. I would recommend you to sleep faster. Just remember you can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast and also join the Facebook group. Also, here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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There are 3 parts we need for successful action in our lives. We as humans, are based on the social settings and beliefs in which we live and that we adopt. If you doubt this there is plenty of science to back it up. People living in the same household have almost the same gut biome. Some people that are on welfare have often been so for generations. We pass on to our children beliefs of income level, education, social context, interpersonal trust, sense of belonging, racial inequality, and even incarceration. You can look at any group of people, or subset, like a university, or a neighborhood and you will see certain people from the group rather than the whole group. You will choose the people you see based on the context or beliefs that you have adopted.

By our upbringing we might have been taught things like, money doesn’t grow on trees, Hard work and lot’s of hours are required to be successful. Others might have been taught money comes in and out of our lives easily. Maybe you were taught there is enough and to spare. Maybe you were taught money is important and the end all. Maybe you were taught that people are more important. But without community there is no worth to money. If there is no one that believes in it worth it then has none. Money is a means of trade because of the value we place on it. The stories that we tell ourselves about it and how much we will have and how we will use it. It is not that one person can’t change the community or context that they have been in because this has been done multiple times. But it is the exception not the rule in our world. There are examples everywhere. But it only happens with an understanding of the context we accept and believe, the learning of new tools and putting together a strategy to change. If we change our context/ community we will change our beliefs.

Knowledge is a precursor to adaptation or change. The knowledge we have affects the stories or beliefs that we hold onto. As we broaden our knowledge we can transfer skills and abilities to change our context. Information that we hold as true will be held and applied as true whether or not it is helpful. Learning is important. We would not even be able to exist without learning. We take in knowledge on how to walk, how to talk, how to interpret the world around us and then transfer those things into other situations. For example we can take the knowledge on walking and transfer that to running, or to walking on a steeply sloped ground.

Lastly, Strategy development. Strategic planning is fundamental to growth and improvement. Strategy defines how you will win. Strategy takes effort, and knowledge to put into play. Great strategies take into effect timing, inspiration, and luck. Strategy is the core building blocks of success and winning. Strategy creation is a journey it must take into account both context and knowledge. Strategy is not about an end, nor completion of a thing. It is about the journey that it takes to get there. It is not just about where you want to go it is about the road that takes you there.

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Today I wanted to add to a young girls Voice. Avye Couloute (Girls Into Coding) a 15 yr old girl started a community interest company (similar to a non profit) to encourage your girls to get into coding. She had been studying it since she was 7 and noticed that she was one of the only girls in the room at many of the training sessions. She is on a mission to engage 1000 girls ever year. At 10 years old she went from attending the events to preparing and delivering them. The things she covers in her workshops are coding, physical computing, robotics and 3D printing. This is an amazing young woman. She understands what her life is about and who she is! Does this mean that things will be easy for her No it doesn’t. But with her attitude she will learn and grow from the problems that arise.

So the problem Avye found is that at 5 and 6 boys and girls have an equal interest in tech. But at 9 there is a significant gap. As the gap grows the girl's interest and confidence drops. Due to this issue women remain underrepresented in the tech world. The numbers show that only 23% of people working in STEM. and only 5% of leadership positions are held by women.

Avye has won a number of achievements:

2017 “best working Device” for Micro:bit

2018 Coolest Project UK

2019 Princess Diana Award

2019 Legacy Award

2020 Everywoman in Technology

So what can you do?

1. Partner with a this or other known organization
2. Find out what you are meant to share and with whom. (I can help with this)

These ladies are not much different from you; they have dreams and goals. They also have problems and traumatic things that have happened in their life. They, as Humans, have thoughts that run through their heads telling them they are not good enough, I bet. Let us concentrate not on our differences, or the things that set us apart. Let us concentrate on the likeness, or similarities that can bring us together.

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can continue to develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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So Paris Hilton has been through many things. She states “I was having really severe nightmares,” Hilton told Vanity Fair. Paris stated “I was kidnapped and got sent away to a school in Utah... There were just these two big men coming into my room in the middle of the night, literally grabbing me and carrying me from my bed. I thought that this was like something from the movie Taken.” Hilton claims that what happened at Provo was even worse; that staff inflicted verbal, mental, emotional, and physical abuse on her—even punishing her with up to 20 hours of solitary confinement. After making it out of the school A boyfriend made a sex tape with her and released it without her knowledge or consent. She was then labeled and made out to be a bad person. Paris was a long line of targets wrongfully blamed. Because of the abuse she was unable to speak out and plagued by lifelong trust issues. She has now found herself and is speaking out. Not only for herself but for others that are being abused. She has become strong and is able to overcome her past.

Paris had developed a character to hide behind. This was a protection against all those who had traumatized her. She became this Barbie doll, Disney princess, with this perfect life just so she wouldn't have to think about all the horrible things she had gone through. She has now created a documentary “This is Paris” telling her secrets and overcoming her past. In the film, Hilton even drops her infamous baby voice—revealing how she intentionally caricatured herself, using her “Paris Hilton” persona as a costume and means to keep the world at a distance. Many of us have been hurt and we don’t let in the world. We wear a mask to hide who we are as we don’t think we will be accepted. But like Paris until we take off the masks and uncover the secrets we too will continue to suffer from the trauma.

Paris gives advice on how to be happy and strong. She stated there are much more important things in life and you should not base your happiness or self worth based upon other people's opinions of you, especially strangers. Do not put so much value on that because there's so much more to life than what others think. You want to learn how to overcome the opinions of others. You will still see some nasty comments and they may affect you, or you can choose to not be affected by them. Paris states “I used to cry all the time and be so upset but then I just realized that these people were wasting my time, obviously they have no life and they're not happy with themselves. That's why they spend their time trying to tear down others.”

You, like Paris, are stronger than you believe you are. You can overcome things that you don’t believe you can. If you put your mind to it and set up a path and move down it. You will soon find the goal you sought after is already in your grasp. Family is everything even if there are issues with your family they are important. Shutting family out shuts out a part of you and that doesn’t keep you open or happy. Forgiveness is essential to a family. Keep your family close!

Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Sacrifice= Giving up what you want now for what you want most. There are only three things that you and I can control:

1. Actions: the fact or process of doing something, typically to achieve an aim.
2. Reactions: an action performed or a feeling experienced in response to a situation or event.
3. Mindset: the established set of attitudes held by someone.

Those set us up for what we will have.

Will we act for what we want now, or what we want most? Life is rigged to give us one or the other not both. As we act will it be for the short term or the long game? You have the ability to choose how to act. You can choose to act hurtful and make another suffer. But taking action is what gets you moving and making changes and building the things you want in your life. Everything starts with action. Without action nothing gets done.

As for our reactions, how will we respond? Will we give up our freedom and let others determine our actions? When we take offense we give up our freedoms to those that offended us. Judging ourselves and others for things that go on is a recipe for unhappiness. It is the reaction to the thought that is of most importance. Blogger Banchhiwosen Woldeyesus stated “It’s not easy to control your actions. It’s not easy but you have to. Because even if you are dying to react, you give up power and lose control of yourself and your surroundings every time you choose that road.”

Anything that you have failed at Mindset could be a large part of the problem. You don’t control the thoughts that you have but you can control the thoughts that you ruminate on. Mindset is the thoughts that you spend time on. Believing and reacting to every thought that you think will keep you from being happy. The mind is also capable of generating thoughts that are actually unhelpful or even downright evil.

Control stimuli:

Associate selectively:

Physical movement:

Position yourself as a learner:

Manage your emotions and beliefs:

Check your intuition:

Deliberate, then act:

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast also join the facebook group. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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So Last Thursday in episode 77 we talked about taking care of yourself physically. And I want to expound on that. The first thing to do is to account for your fitness level.

1. Resting heart rate – to assess aerobic fitness.

Counting the number of beats of your resting heart rate (RHR) is a useful way of indicating your fitness 60 or less is preferable. 2. Push-ups – to assess upper-body muscular endurance.

Push-ups are a great indicator of your upper body strength 25 to 29 for men / 20 to 24 for women = Good 3. Head turning – to assess neck flexibility. 4. 12-minute walk/run – to assess cardio capacity.

Use a flat, measurable route, Maintain a steady pace and record the distance. 1.33 to 1.45 miles (2.14 to 2.33 km) = Good 5. Plank – to assess core stability.

Holding the plank for two minutes is considered the benchmark for very good core strength. 6. Waist-To-Hip Ratio – To Assess Body Fat Distribution 7. Wall Sit – To Assess Leg Strength/Endurance

Sit on an ‘invisible chair’ against a wall until your knee and hip joints are at a right angle, and then start your stopwatch. 76 seconds or more for men / 46 seconds or more for women = Very good

Next consider what your goals are. Do you want to lose weight, increase flexibility, build muscle? Are you hoping to train for a marathon or another fitness challenge? Do you just want to feel and look your best? Setting clear goals will allow you to gauge your progress. What do you want?

The types of exercise are:

1. Endurance
2. Strength
3. Balance
4. Flexibility

Your aim should be to get into a fitness routine between at least two days a week but a better bet would be 6 days per week. Start slowly and work up to more rigorous exercise routines over time. If you are not sure how much time you spend on exercise there is the google fit app that is free and will help you track what you do. For better tracking I recommend the Fitbit or Apple watch (Affiliate Links.)

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast also join the facebook group. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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If you have any topics you would like me to talk message me through Anchor.fm/ken-gerber and I will address them in future podcasts. Please join our private Facebook group @(www.facebook.com/groups/youramazinglifepodcast/)

The way to improve your life is to consistently make choices that will make your life better. It is made better one choice at a time. The reality is, it’s the little things we do and the little decisions we make add up and have a huge impact on us. To improve your life, start out with small and meaningful steps that you can build on over time. It is great to take on new and exciting activities, but begin slowly so you don’t get overwhelmed. It is worthwhile to have big goals but break them down into small steps and concentrate on the small steps needed not the big goal. In no time, you’ll begin to see your life improved by taking those steps. They will help you build knowledge, improve confidence and engage in activities that make you feel healthier and more connected to your inner self and to others.

1. Learn a new skill

2. Reward yourself daily

3. Develop a daily exercise program

4. Declutter your environment

5. Build a bucket list

6. Confront your fears

7. Connect with a friend

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast also join the Facebook group. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Ever had a thought that kept eating at you? One that creates stress and you can’t seem to get past? Sometimes these thoughts come in as you are laying in bed, or in the shower, maybe even when you are driving. These might have even been haunting you for months or years. They seem to come out of nowhere, Right? They can cause a great deal of distress. You might even fear that you may commit the act that is playing across your mind. It is possible that you think the thought means you are broken or bad.

These thoughts come into our head and there are two beliefs that feed them. These could be thoughts of doubts about a relationship. Or maybe what the outcome will be of a decision you have to make. They could be questions about identity. These can be about your safety, religion or spirituality, or even about death. Some people mistakenly think that I'm having these thoughts because I want them to come true. This cannot be farther from what is real. But the effort you put into fighting the thought does make it stick and fuels it return. It is people that love life that have thoughts of suicide. Another myth that we have is that every thought is worth examining. This too is light years from the truth.

So first we have this thought that comes into our mind. The estimate is that these thoughts trouble more than 6 million people in the US. So if you believe you are alone in this problem you are wrong. But after the thought comes if you are like me the thought starts anxious thinking. This anxious thinking gives apparent power to the thought. We try desperately to remove the thought from our mind. All of this only fuels the intensity. As you have experienced they become harder to suppress or distract from.

First off label these thoughts as “intrusive thoughts.”

Remind yourself that these thoughts are not yours, they are automatic thoughts.

Accept the thought, do not push it away.

Ask yourself about the thought:

What can I do?

What can I read?

Who can I ask?

Breathe, slowly and deeply; relax and allow time for the thought to pass

Expect the thought to come back again

Even though the anxiety is still there, return to what you were doing.

Shy away from:

Engaging with the thought

Pushing the thought out

Figuring out what the thoughts mean

Check to see if this is getting rid of the thoughts.

With all of the education we have little of it teaches us how to deal with intrusive thought, feelings. I doubt you had many classes on overcoming depression or anxiety. With the number of people this is a problem for this is of life and death importance.

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Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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If you have any topics you would like me to talk message me through Anchor.fm and I will address them in future podcasts. Please join our private Facebook group.

Most Fears can be divided up into three different things

1. Fear of Failure: Failing can elicit feelings such as disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness, regret, and confusion.
2. Fear of Success: Success can elicit feelings such as risk, putting oneself out there, and might be linked to past traumatic experiences.
3. Fear of Judgement: This fear of being judged is you, judging yourself AND the other person. You assume you've done something that is going to cause a negative judgement. This is a reflection of your own fears.

I’m betting you have experienced at least two out of the three.

My fears have evolved around all three. I have feared failing and put in two or three times the work of others to try to make sure I don’t fail. I have thought that I needed others to be involved as I would fail on my own. I have felt the disappointment, anger, and all of the other feelings listed because of the thought of the failure.

The fear of judgment is linked to the desire to be liked by all at all times. But because that is impossible, this is a losing game that keeps people from uninhibitedly experiencing and expressing their true selves.

1. Own the fear and realize it will not last

2. Judgment, failure, and success is unavoidable.

3. Focus on things you can control!

4. See the future you want!

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast also join the facebook group. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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If you have any topics you would like me to talk about send me an email too kenn.gerber@gmail.com and I will address them in future podcasts.

So there are three things that will make you happier and healthier. They are big and yet many people miss them. These three things will make a huge difference in your life. These are Ideas shared by Lewis Howes on the”School of Greatness”

The first one is to take care of your body. Nothing takes us away from happiness faster than pain. Taking care of the body is the only way to overcome pain. Drugs don't do it reliably or without side effects. Dr’s are unable to overcome poor nutrition or habits. But for thousands of years humans moved their body a lot doing lots doing physical tasks. YOUR body is made to walk, hike, run, lift, and carry weight. Our bodies were strong and could act without regular pain. How many Mins per day are you moving? We would hunt for food, garden, and run to protect our lives and to get places. We could deal with extremes like hot and cold. For most of that time we had a diet based on real food. Things like plants, nuts, fruits for a few months out of the year, and then our meats were not fed on corn and filled with antibiotics. There was no “junk” or highly processed foods. How much of your food is not processed?

The second thing we need to have a great life is to live without regret. That is only possible if we do the things we think about. You are either brave or comfortable. It is hard to be both. If you are comfortable then you are not very brave. It is brave to step out of your comfort zone and to do things that you haven’t before. But it is not comfortable. We are often not willing to do things outside our comfort zone.

Lastly, Be of sacrifice to those around you. Sacrifice and helping others will give you an amazing life. Give back there has been others that have given to you. The way to happiness and greatness is through service. It provides purpose and responsibility for your life. It creates connection and reciprocation. Those provide for happiness in your life. Giving back increases self esteem. As you serve others no one can take that away from you. Serving others decreases feelings of loneliness. A study done by AARP in 2010 unearthed that 42.6 million adults over the age of 45 suffer from chronic loneliness. Combating this begins with getting to know the people in your community, learning their stories to grow a bond that can lead to a strong friendship. Helping others is rewarding and increases gratitude. The law that states what we concentrate on increases will be proved with a sense of increased gratitude you will find more to be grateful for.

I want to give a shout to those of you that serve me. Those of you that are here listening to me. Now I want to let each one of you know how much I love, and appreciate each of you. We are very similar. We have a bunch in common. We want an Amazing life. We work to learn and better ourselves. So You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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When we are feeling unlovable it is a 2 sided blade. The fact is unlovable is the feeling not the thought a lot of the time. The thoughts range from mostly two sets of thought processes. Most times we have been telling ourselves we are either “not enough” or we are “too much.”

These stories that we tell ourselves get us to feel unlovable, inadequate, flawed, guilty or ashamed. Those feelings are based on the thought that precedes them. So this story that we tell ourselves actually creates our emotions. In the interview with Halle Berry.she talked about those thoughts coming as a result of her divorces. In my case they started as I looked at my excitement and enthusiasm as a child and I determined that I was flawed and I became ashamed. What is the story you tell yourself and what feeling does it invoke. Is it possible that some of the thoughts that run through your head are untrue? Can you see a possibility of the “not enough” and the “too much” thoughts being lies?

Most of you are no longer a child but many of you still think like you did as a child. Start questioning the stories you believe that you learned. Start a new story by asking questions like:

Perhaps they do love me and are just preoccupied by other concerns.

Perhaps they are unsure how to show the love they feel.

Perhaps I have not understood how they think love is shown.

Perhaps they have been hurt and are afraid to show how they feel.

Perhaps I could deepen my own worthiness and not be triggered by the actions of others.

Perhaps we are a mismatched pair and I don’t need love from them.

The whole point is to begin to shift your perspective. To open up the dialogue that you could have worth. Stop the myths that we have carried with us. To realize the myths are from us and we are in control of them.

1. Make a commitment to Love yourself and see you as lovable.
2. Let go of thoughts about our house, car income body and accept who you are and what you have to contribute.
3. Be compassionate towards yourself. Eat well, rest, exercise, and have lots of fun.
4. Have your story be one of success. See the possibility of your vision coming true.
5. Focus and accept what now brings and what is, without blame, shame or guilt.
6. Take action, Move, even a sideways move will create forward motion.
7. Start looking at the possibility of the positive and talk about it. An optimistic,can do attitude gives us energy.
8. Identify and build a relationship with the part of you that doesn’t think they are loved.
9. Accept you as your best self.
10. Meditation!! It opens the heart, mind and soul. It helps us to overcome old limiting beliefs.

Now I hope each one of you will hear me when I say how much I appreciate each of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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In an interview with [Parade Magazine] and [Ebony magazine interview by Laura B. Randolph, March, 1997] she talked about battling low self worth and depressive feeling and thought about committing suicide after her divorce. But from the outside looking in you might ask what someone with an amazing lifestyle like that could have those same problems that you have? She talked about being devastated by the ending of her marriage to David Justice, a baseball star. She stated “I took my dogs, and I went in the garage and sat in the car. For two or three hours, I just cried and cried. I thought ‘I can’t face it.’ I think that’s the weakest I have been in my life. That’s what the breakup of my marriage did to me.”

That is what thoughts of suicide are: they are just a desire to end the pain. The pain can be so deep and overwhelming. It can be all encompassing. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and Bi polar are caused by different triggers, feelings, and thoughts. But the one thing that they have in common is the pain they cause. The mental anguish can be overpowering. Can you understand being in pain constantly and the pain being so great it slows or stops you from doing the things you want? It is so hard to believe that people in that much pain would look at ways of stopping it?

Depression is so prevalent today that it represents 99% of all mind-brain illness. Can you wrap your head around that number 99%. In the US it is the leading cause of disability for ages 15-44. It is the primary reason for suicide and takes over 41,000 lives each year. That is almost 3 X’s the homicide rate for the year. Depression is rated in the same disability category as terminal cancer. This problem is huge and very painful. If you are suffering you are not alone and there are tools to help you overcome it. Halle said “people still associate therapy with being crazy. But I think you're crazy if you won’t consider going to get help for yourself- to learn the tools to deal with the problem in your life.”

Some of the tools that she found to deal with her stress are:

1. Taking responsibility for my choices and no one else's.
2. Breaking old habits of fear and negative thoughts.
3. The value of help or therapy.

I was so excited to learn more about Halle Berry. To me this brought a new light to who she is. I was grateful to get to know her as a person rather than just a character. I really understand the feelings and thoughts that she talks about. I have a great deal of respect for her to come out and tell others about the things she has overcome and learned to deal with. She learned that “because someone didn’t love me didn’t mean that I was unlovable.” That is a life changing thought. I hope you will contemplate that for a few moments. I’m going to repeat that “because someone didn’t love me didn’t mean that I was unlovable.” That is brilliant. And a wonderful story for her to share with the world. That is what will change your life once you learn it!

Now I want to let each one of you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. You are a big part of my life. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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We don’t do it with bills but we do often look at ourselves and see the crumbled wrinkled life and say “I'm not worth anything.” Why do you and I “decrease our value.” As an Example, I found it happening when others mistreated or bullied me in the past. There are others that think about people that they have lost and put those that died on a pedestal. They think that their friend or loved one had more reason to live than they do. But when we look at our life that way we reduce the price that they paid for our lives. They were willing and happy to pay with their lives to protect us. Why would we reduce the price they paid for us? Instead we should make our life more valuable to make the price they paid mean as much as it can. The price was paid and refunds are not allowed or processed. Our worth or value will not change but we can change the value that we provide to the world. As we increase the value we provide we make the price that was paid offer more value. As we give more of our value to this world the greater we celebrate those who have sacrificed for us.

You are of infinite worth! That cannot be changed. There is nothing not race, color, gender, bad decisions, nor traumatic events that can change your worth! Your value will not change no matter what you believe your value to be. You can think of your worth as a penny or as a billion dollars. Neither thought will change your value. The only thing that can change is your perception of the value, but not your value itself.

To change the perception of your value, here is a tool:

1. Pause for a moment and notice the flow of your breath. Pay attention to it going in and out.
2. Ask yourself how you can generate a moment of kindness and hope towards yourself today
3. Do It! As Nike says
4. Repeat daily for 14 days.

If you’re interested in learning more about your top character strengths, I'm including a link to a free survey by VIA institute on Character at www.viacharacter.org. It's an evidence-based survey that has been taken by over 5 million people throughout the world (Niemiec, 2018; Peterson & Seligman, 2004).

I took the survey and my signature strengths are Kindness (good deeds), Love, (relationships with others) Humor, (Bringing smiles to others) fairness,(being unbiased, providing a chance for all) and forgiveness (accepting others and giving second chances).

I want to give a shout out to my listeners in Spain and Russia today. As well as those from Ohio and Washington. Now I want to let each one of you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know some of the things you have overcome to get here. You are a big part of my life. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend who may need to hear it. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this podcast. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get youramazing life!

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In a rural area a farmer was tending to his horse named Buddy and along came a stranger who desperately needed the farmers help. The stranger had lost control of his vehicle and ran it off into a ditch. The Stranger asked if the farmer could use his horse to somehow pull the vehicle out of the ditch for him, explaining that his vehicle was small enough and the horse could probably do it. The Farmer said that he would come and bring his horse and take a look, but could not promise that he could help. If his horse might be injured in some way attempting to pull up the vehicle that he would have to pass. The farmer said that the stranger was correct the vehicle was in the ditch and that it was small enough for the horse. So the farmer cut the rope and fixed it so that the horse Buddy would be able to pull the vehicle out of the ditch. The farmer then cried, pull Casey pull, the horse did not budge. Then the farmer said pull Bailey pull, but the horse did not budge then the farmer said pull Mandy pull, and the horse did not move. The farmer then said, pull Buddy pull, the horse then pulled until the vehicle was out of the ditch. The Stranger was so very grateful but asked the farmer why he called the Horse by so many different names. The farmer explained the horse is blind and I had to make him think that he had help to pull the car out of the ditch or he wouldn't have pulled at all.

Nothing is going to change unless you change it! You can passively wait for your life to change for an eternity and it will not. Blaming others or blaming circumstances will not make the situation any better. Who or what are you waiting for? Do you wait for others to gather round you before you to put your shoulder to the task? Are you waiting for circumstances to change? Can you just get after it by yourself? Are you waiting until you get help, until you get instruction, until you get assistance in order for you to accomplish something that you desire? So what happens if they don't show? What if you don't need them at all? What if you believed you could do it yourself? What if you found that you are stronger and more capable than you think? What if you believed you are better than you think? What if you started today?

Because daydreaming will not make it so. Wishes will not bring it into being. Daydreaming and wishes bring about unhappiness and frustration. What you feel and believe about you is more powerful than any resolution, wish or daydream. Can you believe it is possible for you to be a leader? Can you see a future where you are strong and capable? Start today and create your amazing life! If you go down the road you will get to where the road leads.

You and I, We have things in common that is why you are here. We share an uncommon commitment to grow and to build an amazing life. So what is an area of your life, a project, or an ambition that you have that you have been unconsciously delaying, procrastinating, or excusing. Because you are waiting for the right person, the right instruction, or the right epiphany. Stop waiting and move forward on it today even if it is just one step the journey is then started.

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 69.

It can feel impossible. I mean so many of us have been abused or assaulted, mistreated, or misused. It is easy to say “Ken I can’t let that go, I have to hold them responsible! Or maybe even I have to hold myself responsible.” I mean many of us have gone through truly horrific and traumatic things. How can I forgive those? I get that those things do happen and I am not making light of the experiences you have suffered. They have been great. They have been horrific.

But the question that I am asking is are you ready to move on from the suffering? You might not even believe that it is possible to move on. There are stories of people moving on from things like yours and no longer suffering. So if they can move past the suffering so can you. The continued suffering comes because of the ego that we talked about yesterday. We keep ourselves in the suffering oftentimes as a penance. We see ourselves as broken, screwed up, or unworthy. Most of the times we base that on the things that happen to us. But the fact of the matter is you are not Broken. You are not Screwed UP. You are not Unworthy. The cost of not forgiving is the cost of your future.

There are so many things that I had to learn to forgive. Sexual abuse, Bullied and misused. Those happened in my life. I had the option to hold on to those and not forgive others or myself and remain miserable or to learn the tools that allow forgiveness into my life, This way I could let Karma take care of all the things that happened and let go of that bloody dripping bag of all the trauma horrifying things that went on in my life.

Hear me clearly I am not saying you have to forgive I’m not saying that it is okay to mistreat others. I’m saying it is possible to stop the suffering. To let go of that oozing, dripping, bloody bag of traumatic and horrifying experiences. Holding onto that bag doesn’t serve you or anyone else. It hurts you more than anyone. How do I know because you are listening to this. You are here because there is a small voice in your head that says “This life could be happier or better.”

That voice is correct. There are tools that Not only I have used but thousands of others have used them also to overcome all kinds of abuse. There are five steps to forgiveness:

1. Acknowledge the wrongdoing
2. Identify your feelings
3. Get proper perspective
4. Set proper boundaries
5. Commit to yourself to do whatever is needed to feel better

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 68. Shout out to my listeners in Ghana, Ireland, Ohio, Texas, Washington, California, and Oregon.

Farrell Mason stated “The pendulum is the equalizer of humanity. It is the one thing that rich and poor, black and white, Muslim, Jew, Christian, and Hindu all have in common. We must each cope with the tension of living on the cable of life between sickness and health, hope and despair, life and death.

It is true that the greater the risk a person takes, the greater the reward he or she will receive. We have ups, we have downs, we have good, we have bad, we have victory and defeat. The greater the dreams to gain a great reward the more you're going to have to risk. Life is a pendulum is not possible to have rewards without a lot of risk. Many people misunderstand this point, I am not talking about putting yourself or your family into financial insolvency, nor at a safety risk. I am talking about risking your ego, risking popularity, risking the criticism of the herd, of your family, or the people in your peer group. Those who have always wanted great things had to give up the option to please and be in good graces of others. To achieve your extraordinary dreams you have to be willing to take an extraordinary risk of ego and risk acceptance of others. Billions of people have passed through this planet and never realize their greatness; they've never achieved their dreams. The reason is they didn't have the guts to risk the life that they were living for the one they were capable of.

So do you have the guts to risk the life that you are already living for the one that you are capable of? I’m betting your right now is comfortable, your life is not that bad. Your potholes don’t come up often and they don’t break the car so why worry. Right? it's not all you'd wanted to be but it isn't bad enough to force you to really wake up and do what it takes to get to the life you actually deserve. But here's the truth you're wallowing in your own mediocrity because let's be honest with each other you are at your current because you are comfortable, your current results are nowhere near what you're truly capable of. You are living so far below your potential it's embarrassing. Imagine what your creator thinks, you are made to be this beautiful amazing person and you are created to be capable of truly magnificent things. You're doing less right? It's like watching your child, who you know is supremely gifted, talented and capable of just squandering his or her life away. It would break your heart. But it wouldn’t change your love for them. But I'm betting you can understand the feeling of disappointment, and how something so special so great would never be utilized and realized. Most people who have passed through this planet and never realized their greatness, never achieved their dream, didn't because they didn't have the guts to risk the life that they were already living.

I want you to claim the dream inside of you and then be willing to risk your ego to realize that dream. Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 67.

I’m betting you have had a similar experience once or twice in the past. You are cruising down the road of life and you have a good clip going. You are moving along quickly and smoothly. Then without seeing it coming, you hit this big pothole and it almost rips the steering wheel from your hand. You hear this loud thump as the force compresses the spring all the way up and then hits the frame sending the force throughout the vehicle. You cringe wondering what damage was done. You wonder how you missed seeing the hole. You then look more carefully trying to see if there are any more holes coming up. It shakes you up. For the next few miles you are no longer on auto pilot. Now you are extra attentive.

Now, unless your life is different than mine these things will happen to you. Just like they happen to me and even though I have beefed up the suspension on my life because of that it takes a bigger hole and the suspension recovers faster and easier. But those holes still appear. I keep being taught similar lessons until I overcome them. Each time I level up so does the game. I am meant to push forward and face the bumps and trials. It is okay to be knocked down. Thursday I got knocked down. I’m sure you get knocked down many people ask why. But most of the time asking why keeps us down. Rather than staying down asking why get up, accept that you got knocked down. Give permission to feel the sense of loss that comes with the knock down and realize that you are not out. I felt the knock down the rest of Thursday. It started to come back Friday. But I choose to not let it. Instead I allowed it to be. I accepted that I was not in control of this situation. I thought back on the other times that I had hit these holes and what the outcome was. Each time I was okay. Each time I made it through. Each time my life got better. Yours can also! It doesn’t matter what the hole in the road was caused by. You can accept and experience, Feel it and then move past it. You can learn and grow from it. The bumps in the road do not have to define you or me.

It is the potholes of life that are calling for your attention. The pothole is saying “hey we have trouble here” or “we need attention over there”. When we ignore them they get bigger and deeper. We can use things to numb ourselves from the experience but the holes will still be there and will eventually derail us. We have talked about some of my potholes. Things like being busy lacking boundaries. Having an unbalanced life. Fear of being seen. Some of you might fear procrastination, or being alone, or board. The great thing about potholes is they let us know where we need work. Give them the attention they need and they will then be filled and not hamper your progress in the future.

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 66.

Most people talk about peak performance when talking about sports or athletics. But what about being in peak performance for your LIFE? Are you your best self most of the time or only occasionally? How do you become your best self? Many people feel frustration and are distracted a lot of the time. Few feel good all of the time. Many people lack a sense of deep purpose and joy. What about you do you feel that constantly or even consistently? Do you want to? Can you feel calm and collected on the inside and with the world around you? Would you like to have incredible motivation and drive to “get things done” and feel amazing while doing it? Believe it or not, some people live in a constant state of “peak performance”.

I’ve been through both. As far as distractibility I had a psychologist test me for ADHD and he told me “You are off the charts, I’m not sure how you have any semblance of a life.” Then put me on medication. But with the tools that I have learned and put together I eventually had moments where I’ve felt at the PEAK of my mental, physical, and spiritual self. And I have continued to progress since then and now I feel that perfect storm of energy, motivation, focus mixed with a constant sense of calm, clarity, and connectedness regularly.

Little by little, as the years past I have been putting the pieces together. How about you, are you closer today than yesterday? These are elements are available to you, they are what you need to live life in a constant state of peak-performance:

Focus: Reflect and determine a few meaningful objectives that will continuously give you FOCUS throughout your lifetime!

Calm: Watch your story and observe your thoughts!

Motivation: Find out the “Why” behind everything that you do!

Clarity: Study your thoughts and actions, deeply and honestly!

Energy: Create routines, do them over and over and turn them into habits!

Connectedness: Develop love and appreciation for everything in your life!

These ideas can make a huge difference in your life, they have mine. There are tools to make them a part of your life so that you can have an amazing life. These are

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 65.

It’s not genetic, It is an approach to life.

It is through a mindful process that we gain understanding of the internal and external influences that shape us.

Next, don’t mix up cause with effects.

Most people believe, for example, that confidence is a cause of success. But it is actually the opposite that has been proven to be true. The studies show that confidence is a byproduct of positive choices. So we need to find out what works for us and then continue to make the same positive choices. Once you find those positive things then just rinse and repeat. We selectively see and attend to what we believe and accept as true. As Dan Sullivan stated, “Our eyes only see and our ears only hear what our brain is looking for.” Our behaviors match our personal standards and expectations. In his book Letting Go, Dr. David Hawkins explains:

“The unconscious will allow us to have only what we believe we deserve. The more we hang on to our negativity and small self-image that results, the less we think we deserve…

If we have a small view of ourselves, then what we deserve is poverty. And our unconscious will see to it that we have that…”

So how do we get past these issues? How do we overcome the subconscious and get past the limiting beliefs that we have?

1. Question your beliefs: If you believe you are fixed give yourself the option of being fluid. Say things like “ in the past I didn’t grow or see myself as strong. But I am willing to look at that in the future and see if there are strengths I have that I missed before.”
2. Question the expectations of those around you. Look inward to see how they shape you.

3. Your brain is highly Malleable. It is made to learn all of our lives. Use it!

   1. Take time each day to learn
   2. Learn how to learn quickly
   3. Develop habits and routines that cause you to learn.
   4. Apply what you learn even when uncomfortable.
   5. Teach what you learn

Learning is about becoming adaptive and flexible. It is about connections the more connections you create the faster you will be able to learn. Learn things that make you better and the rinse and repeat. Listen to things that help you improve your life, then rinse and repeat. Be here with me next time to rinse and repeat.

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 64.

“Many years ago, an elderly lady was strolling through a Pittsburgh Department Store, obviously killing time. She passed counter after counter without anyone paying any attention to her. All the clerks had spotted her as an idle “looker” who had no intention of buying. They made it a point of looking in another direction when she stopped at their counters.

Finally the lady came to a counter that was attended by a young clerk who politely asked if he might serve her. “No,” she replied. “I am just killing time, waiting for the rain to stop so I can go home.”

“Very well, madam,” the young man said with a smile. “May I bring out a chair for you?” And he brought it without waiting for her answer.

After the rain slacked, the young man took the old lady by the arm, escorted her to the street, and bade her goodbye. As she left, she asked him for his card.

Several months later the owner of the store received a letter, asking that this young man be sent to Scotland to take an order for the furnishings of a home.

The owner of the store wrote back that he was sorry, the young man did not work in the house furnishings department. But he explained that he would be glad to send an “experienced man” to do the job.

Back came a reply that no one would do except this particular young man. The letters were signed by Andrew Carnegie, and the “house” he wanted furnished was Skibo Castle in Scotland.

The elderly lady was Mr Carnegie’s mother. The young man was sent to Scotland.

He received an order for several thousand dollars worth of household furnishings, and with it a partnership in the store. He later became the owner of a half interest in the store.”

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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I luckily am not so addicted that I know how many likes I got for that. But each one of those likes seems like it is a connection between me and the other person. Many people feel accomplished or fulfilled by the number of “likes” they got. But the truth is those are counterfeit connections. They do not build a relationship or help us to feel connected. Online games are a little different; they do bring some interaction and can bring a degree of relationship building. Every Sunday night me and my brothers get on and play “Rocket League.” We are all in a chat room and we can talk a lot of it is banter about the game. But we get a piece here and there about what each other is doing and how things are going for them. We all live far from each other and without this we only talked about once per year. Even though games are not my thing I like “being” with my brothers and doing this with them. (Even though I am horrible at the game.)

How many times when we are with family do we check our phones. We use false connections when we have real ones right in front of her. Each time we check our phone we lose at least 20 seconds of time with the family. If the notifications are coming in every min or so then we can be out of time with our family more than we can be in. Because these electronic experiences are false connections they leave us without a real feeling of connection. But what is crazy is we continually look to them for that connection even though it doesn’t give us one. We will be happiest if we unplug. We leave our phone, turn it off, or put it on airplane or silent mode. Because even if we get past the distraction people around us will be distracted. Like my Buddy at lunch.

If answering every notification or phone call no matter when, is what you do then your significant other, and family members feel like they don’t matter that they don’t know you. You don’t have a relationship with them. The way to get a relationship is to be with them without interruptions. Actually connect by discussing how things are really going, how you are feeling and what you like and want tomorrow. Having real conversations. Over time it will make you feel connected and accepted.

I am offering a free gift to my listeners tonight. It is called “One Year of Dating to a Better Relationship.” To get your free gift just email me with the title in the subject line. Kenn.gerber@gmail.com

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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I asked a friend that was down what was troubling him. The answer was money money money. Now that is true for wall street, the housing market, political campaigns, small business, start-ups, and nonprofits. It is also the major strife between husband and wife. It is always money, money, money. Whether you love it or hate it you need money and it is best you get buddy-buddy with it. If you want to know how somebody feels about himself or herself look at their bank account. Money is one of the greatest measurements of one's mind set. Jim rone said “your net worth will seldom exceed your self-worth.” This is probably why there is so much emotion and psychosis tied to people's relationship with money because it can be very revealing.It's your mindset and attitude about money that either attracts it to you or chases it away from you. What's in your head determines what's in your wallet as Darren Hardy said. If you want more money there's one place to look and that's within. It's likely if you don't you will go without, In his book called “Millionaires” by Marc Fisher he tells a story of an old millionaire that asks a young boy who is seeking his fortune. Why aren't you rich already? When you live in an era of unprecedented wealth and opportunity it has never been easier and more people have never been more wealthy than they are today, and it has been getting better for the last 20 years. There is no other time in human history that has been so wealthy. So if you are not why not. Your answer to this question will reveal a lot about yourself. It will expose your excuses. and your rationalizations or your justifications. It may be some self-limiting beliefs or doubts or fears that you have.

So I have just been doing some interpersonal work and I want riches but there are opportunities I’m not willing to give up. There are things I’m not willing to put off. I still have some debt but I’m not going to not go out to dinner again until I pay it all off. I like the petty payoff I get from going to dinner. I love the experience and the relationship building that happens as we are in the restaurant. I love the relationship building of going to see my family so I’m not willing to give that up in order to get out of debt faster. I’m willing to stay in debt for longer to have these be part of my life. But I have looked at these and studied the cost and have made the informed decision to keep these in my life.

So it's time to reprogram your hard drive. What are your limitations to achieving financial abundance? For me there has been a belief that I am not good enough. For members of my family there is a deep-seated belief that money is wrong and the people who have it are inherently manipulative, conniving and or evil. So contrary to the Sourpuss Creed money is the root of all good, it takes money to build hospitals, churches, shelters, and charities. Money is also needed to buy homes, cars, clothes, food, education, vacations, and other glorious experiences. These are positive, wonderful, experiences that life should include. Money is Created by those who built something where nothing existed before. Money is only a tool and should be used for people rather than using people for money. Money has an energy of its own and it's largely attracted to people whose virtues match it and respect its power.

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If this message has been helpful please share it with a friend. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 61.

A student in a lecture with Bill Gates asked him, Is there anybody richer than you? Bill Gates thought about it and replied yes there is. He told a story about a newspaper vendor in a New York airport. He told this story. I saw a newspaper vendor and I wanted to buy a newspaper but as soon as I went to the counter I found that I didn't have enough change. So I started to give the newspaper back to the vendor. I told him of not having enough of the change for the paper. The vendor said I'm just going to give this to you for free. I took the paper and went off and boarded my plane. After two or three months I was back at that same airport and again I was short of change for a newspaper. The same vendor offered me the newspaper, again for free, I refused and said I couldn't take it cuz I don't have enough of the change today. He said you can take it, I'm sharing this from my profit. I won't be at a loss. So he took the newspaper. 19 years later, Bill said I had become famous and known by people everywhere. Suddenly I remembered that newspaper vendor from years ago. I searched and searched for him and after a month or two I finally found him. I went and saw him and I asked do you know me? He said “yes”, I asked Him do you remember giving me a newspaper for free? The vendor replied “yes I remember I gave it to you twice.” I said I want to repay that help you offered me at that time. So whatever you want in your life tell me and I shall fulfill it. The vendor said “sir I don't think that by doing so you will be able to match my help.” Bill asked why, he said I helped you when I was a poor newspaper vendor and you're trying to help me now when you become the richest man in the world. So how can your help match mine. Bill Gates said I realized that the newspaper vendor was richer than I was because he did not wait to become rich to help somebody else in need.

This leads me to understand that the truly rich are those who possess a kind heart rather than a lot of money. If wealth is measured by kindness towards others, how rich would you really be? If you knew that kindness created riches how rich would you become with that knowledge? What would you do to build your wealth? How creative, innovative, persistent would you become with your kindness? So my dear friends, go out there and build your wealth today by seeing how much kindness you can deliver to those around you.

I work each day to be rich in kindness and in most ways I succeed. I am working to find new creative ways to be kind and have an influence on more people.

According to a Harvard study of game theory they found that Nice guys actually finish first. Being kind will actually make you more money! So let’s become rich in kindness and make some money!

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. For those of you who have shared this podcast with others please know how much that means to me. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 60.

A lion is fully capable of killing and eating a field mouse but it doesn't. The mouse can actually walk nonchalantly in front of a resting lion in The Lion will not disturb himself at all. The why is in the energy exchange it turns out that the energy required to do so exceeds the caloric content of a mouse. If a lion spent all it’s time hunting and eating field mice it would slowly starve to death. A lion can't live on field mice, It needs bigger game, like antelope. Even though Antelope require more speed, more effort, more exertion, and more strength to capture and kill one they provide a feast for the lion and her pride. A lion can live a long and happy life on a diet of antelope.

This is an important distinction for you to make. You are a lion, nature gave you incredible creative strength. You can use that strength to hunt mice or antelope. But if you spend your strength hunting field mice because they are easier to catch and kill. It will give you a quick feeling of accomplishment but in the long run you're going to die or in this analogy about your success and potential will die. Have you ever read the obituaries if you have you will find stories of many people who were born a lion. But as you read about their life what they did or didn't do does it sound like they spent their lives hunting mice or antelope? The primary distinction is not where they are from, where they grew up, or what kind of family they were from. It all came down to whether they spent their energy, that determines whether their families live paycheck-to-paycheck or whether they live abundantly.

I have lived below my abilities from time to time over my life. I have chased mice. It took so much energy and gave so little back. Had I continued it would have taken my life. I was living so small and so out of congruence with me that I started having grand mall seizures. I had the first one at a job I was working at a computer support place, I was sitting there at my desk one moment, then I was laying on the floor looking up into the eyes of EMT. 20 mins had past and I did not have any idea what had gone on. When we don’t live up to who we are we often have medical issues that arise because of it.

You are a lion you have been designed by nature with incredible power, strength and capability. You can utilize that strength to act small or you can go after big game. The same capacity can be used for either. I recommend utilizing your great abilities to do as you were designed to do to go after the kind of game that creates great abundance. I say ignore the mice, delegate or delete the mice from your schedule and attention. They are not worth your time or caloric output today and from now on only use your great strength and capability to hunt big game. It's how you were designed to live is how you can provide the life you and your pride deserves.

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. For those of you who have shared this podcast with others know how much that means to me. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes there will be a spot to click and Set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 59.

A young man who was a poor student promised his mom that he would take the SAT. He had poor grades and didn’t expect to go to college. He took the SAT and got his score back. The letter said 1480 out of 1600. His mom asked did you cheat? The boy said no mom I guess that is just what I am. The following year as school approaches he decides that he's going to act as a 1480 type of person. He asked himself, What does a 1480 type of student do? Well he figures they go to class, they pay close attention, and complete the homework. They also hand in assignments on time, since he's going to class and doing homework now he can't hang out with the same kids. The teachers start to look at the kid differently. They think I might have missed it on this kid and they start to treat him differently. He then graduates from high school with honors and goes to a community college his first two years, then on to Wichita State and then to an Ivy League school. Then he goes on to be wildly successful in the magazine industry. After 12 years and all his success he gets a letter in the mail from Princeton New Jersey where he took the SAT test. They report that in this year 13 people accidentally were sent the wrong test scores. It turns out he scored a 740 not a 1480. He said people think my whole life changed when I got the 1480. But the truth is my whole life changed when I started acting like a 1480 person. What does a 1480 do? They go to class, pay attention, and they expect to score high on all tests. The same behavior in business will get you the same results. If you act like the industry-leading salesperson, how would you walk, talk, shake hands and consult with a client. How would you present your ideas and prepare for presentations? if you were the industry leader you would probably act a lot differently than you are now.

If you were an amazing spouse or parent how would you show up? How would you walk in the door from work? How would you embrace your spouse? Would you listen differently, take an interest in them? How bout look at, or touch them? You would consider and treat them differently than you do now. What if you acted like a famously positive and inspiring leader? How would you greet the front desk receptionist in the morning, how would you begin your meetings? How would you talk about your clients, your mission and the work that everybody is doing? How would you recognize, praise, and give appreciation to everybody around? Probably a lot differently than you are now. I'm not talking about faking it until you make it. I'm talking about being real, acting differently now, remember your behavior is ahead of your success. Be what you want to become now, and the success will follow. We can see what you want to be by how you act. What will you do differently to have a different life?

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes and click to Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 58.

Have you ever been there? Been on an amazing beach during a well deserved vacation, and the sun setting on the water and you are thinking about work, the house or car you want to buy. Lots of things except about where you are and what you're experiencing. Everywhere you go you are thinking of the next deal, the next big thing. Maybe you are at home, watching tv with someone you want to spend time with and yet you are working on the computer at the same time.

Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry—all forms of fear—are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.

Eckhart Tolle

Have you ever felt like your relationship was empty? You have no passion for your work? Ever caught yourself not being totally there? We all check out at times. I have done it 3 or four times today and even the work day is not over. You too space out at times. How does that leave you feeling? Checking out is a defense mechanism. It is how we handle the huge requirement of this life. What can we do to become more focused? It is not really possible for all of us to move to a monastery and not have the constant pull of life tugging at us.

Here are 9 signs that you are not present

1. Your thoughts race at night
2. You avoid situations
3. You forget how you got to where you are
4. You think everything is a stepping stone to the future that never arrives
5. You can’t remember the last thing you ate
6. You are bad with names
7. You feel disconnected from others
8. Your hooked to your phone
9. Nothing seems fun anymore

So what tools do we use to want less?

First one is mindfulness. The way you use this is you focus on the five senses. Notice the hot water of the shower. Concentrate on the view on your way to work. Listen to the sounds around you. Ruminate on the seasoning of the food that you are eating. These might seem like Mundane sensations, you might even think they are boring, but as you reflect on these you will cultivate an awareness and everything will become interesting and you will become present.

Yoga is a great way to connect with your body and the moment

Writing in a Journal. Write about what you feel and the thoughts that you are stuck on. Write about anything that crosses your mind.

Take a walk in nature.

Medictate and breathe.

Watch ideals and urges.

Let go of expectations.

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. Especially those who have had these ideas run through their heads. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes and click to Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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You'll never be famous and that's okay by Emily Estefani Smith

“Today’s college students desperately want to change the world, but too many think that living a meaningful life requires doing something extraordinary and attention-grabbing like becoming an Instagram celebrity, starting a wildly successful company or ending a humanitarian crisis.

Having idealistic aspirations is, of course, part of being young. But thanks to social media, purpose and meaning have become conflated with glamour: Extraordinary lives look like the norm on the internet. Yet the idea that a meaningful life must be or appear remarkable is not only elitist but also misguided. Over the past five years, I’ve interviewed dozens of people across the country about what gives their lives meaning, and I’ve read through thousands of pages of psychology, philosophy and neuroscience research to understand what truly brings people satisfaction.

The most meaningful lives, I’ve learned, are often not the extraordinary ones. They’re the ordinary one’s lived with dignity.”

For those that know where their worth comes they know it is not from those things, but from moments of contentment and connectedness, ordinary moments, moments that were made extraordinary by catching a flash of joy. It could be a moment of inner stillness or a deep intimate conversation with a friend or loved one.

Richard Rohr who is a Franciscan Friar and prolific writer explained that we have two halves of Life. The first half is focused around establishing your identity and experiencing and expressing your ego. It is mostly spent pursuing external things.

The second half of your life is spent pursuing integrating those things that follow a sense of significance, meaning and soulful fulfillment. The most meaningful lives are often not the extraordinary ones; they are the ordinary lives with dignity. We all have the ability to touch the circle of people around us and positively affect their world. There is a term called “generative” that encapsulates the idea that we are supposed to give back to society, especially the younger generations. In doing things like raising children, mentoring colleagues, volunteering, creating things of value for our community or even society at large. Fame and glamour are about the self-aggrandizing of yourself but generativity is about connecting and contributing which is the very definition of leading a meaningful life.

A meaningful life is not found in success and glamour but in the mundane the nitty-gritty of day to day living. One research study showed that adolescents who did housework and household chores felt a stronger sense of purpose. The resource believed the “why” is because they're contributing to something bigger; their family. Another study found that cheering up a friend was an activity that actually created meaning in a young person's life. If you see your occupations as an opportunity to serve others you will find more meaning in your work. It can be contributing to a team whose work has made a positive impact on a large number of clients or it can be working with people to make a difference. Either way it has been shown to reduce stress and give you a more amazing experience. If you are feeling unhappy, discontented and anxiety ridden it is most likely because you have lost your true purpose, doing things that impact others and make their lives better will make your life better. There is no one true purpose, do whatever you are doing with purpose! That's your purpose!

Click to Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 56.

“Sometimes it only takes one person to believe in you to change your life forever. Sometimes it only takes one person not believing in you to destroy it.”― Alice Feeney, I Know Who You Are So why is this? Well The only person that can affect your life with their belief is You! What I believe about myself makes or breaks my life. There are times when I will accept the belief of another and put it on like a jacket and that will determine the outcome of my actions. I will be effective or not, I will be successful or unsuccessful due to the thoughts I accept and put into my vision. See I have this part in my mind that wants to prove me right. It will do anything it can to make sure I find support outside of myself for the things I say and believe. It’s whole point of existence is to make sure the things I believe are the things I see.

You know that old axiom “Seeing is Believing” that is wrong “Believing is seeing” So if I don’t believe in me there will be so many things that the part of my brain responsible will bring up that will reinforce my belief. Many of us don’t question the things we see. We accept them at the value our brain sold them to us for.

I mean come do you often bartered with your mind over the thought you had? No most of you just accept it. Why are we so ready to argue with someone else about their beliefs and yet not willing to question the thoughts our brain serve up for us?

You have looked at someone and viewed their life and accomplishments and thought oh man wish I could be like them. Or maybe Man I wish I had the opportunities they did. Yet when you look at your life and you see opportunities that came by for you you’ll come up with a reason why that was not the opportunity you needed. Why it wouldn’t have worked. But the truth of the matter is it is not the opportunity that would not have worked it is you that doesn’t do the work.

Every Hero's journey begins with struggle and pain. It is through pain and struggle that we are tested and prepared for the journey. The Hero within us is ready and willing to come out. But they come out only when the work has been done and the struggle and pain have been moved past. The Hero’s journey for many of us is to stay on this planet. Many of you know what I am talking about. I was 16 the first time I wanted to take my life. And the last time it hit was a month ago. I am a hero because each time the thought comes I choose to question it. When my brain told me I was not worth anything I questioned that and started putting in beliefs and thoughts that I was worthy and enough. When my brain told me others would be better off without me I checked on that with my wife and others and after questioning those thoughts I would see that she wanted me there. I did mean more to her alive than I did dead.

Now I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. Especially those who have had these ideas run through their heads. I think of you each day. I get you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, check out the show notes and click to Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life and Times”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 55.

Let's start with what is money and what does it do. Money is a tool for trading goods and services. Does money have intrinsic value? No, its value is based on faith and what it can be traded for, as a tool it is easy to use and provides for a better experience. Is money bad or evil? No, in fact the opposite is true. Money is a means. The problem comes when it is the end or the meaning. As a tool money is meant to be used. That is what it is for. Money has energy, it is energy. If your belief is money is evil, bad or worthless. Would your energy accept or reject money. Would it attract or chase away money? I used to be needy for money, I wanted money, but I was not good at accepting money. The energy I had was not in alignment with money. Because of that money I wasn’t attractive to the energy of money.

If you meet someone that is negative, who bad mouths you and doesn’t want to be around you, How much effort do you want to put into being around them?

“While making money was good, having meaningful work and meaningful relationships was far better. To me, meaningful work is being on a mission I become engrossed in, and meaningful relationships are those I have with people I care deeply about and who care deeply about me. Think about it: It’s senseless to have making money as your goal as money has no intrinsic value—its value comes from what it can buy, and it can’t buy everything. It’s smarter to start with what you really want, which are your real goals, and then work back to what you need to attain them. Money will be one of the things you need, but it’s not the only one and certainly not the most important one once you get past having the amount you need to get what you really want. When thinking about the things you really want, it pays to think of their relative values so you weigh them properly. In my case, I wanted meaningful work and meaningful relationships equally, and I valued money less—as long as I had enough to take care of my basic needs. In thinking about the relative importance of great relationships and money, it was clear that relationships were more important because there is no amount of money I would take in exchange for a meaningful relationship, because there is nothing I could buy with that money that would be more valuable. So, for me, meaningful work and meaningful relationships were and still are my primary goals and everything I did was for them. Making money was an incidental consequence of that.”

― Ray Dalio, Principles

If we are tapped into the energy of money and know how to use it to bless the lives of those that we meet, money will be much more attracted to us. If we are Smart and healthy and happy without money we will be the same with it. Money is a magnifier. It does not change feelings, It does not provide self worth, It doesn’t improve relationships. It in and of itself doesn't provide health. It can buy things that do produce health like better food personal training. But that is in using it as a tool like it is supposed to be used. So let’s get going with goals that will make you attractive to money.

I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life and times!

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Ambition is a double edge sword. It can create Freedom and give you choice. It can also make you a slave to the albatross of obligation. The question you are probably grappling with is where is that line, where does your ambition go from your ally to your enemy? How do you know when to pull back on the reins to keep it from running your Stagecoach off a cliff?

So what does this mean? Let us say that you're going out for your favorite meal. You are hungry and you've been looking forward to this meal for a really long time. Say the cost of the meal is $55 but you have been looking forward to this and you are excited and feel it is worth it. After you finish your meal and you're good and full now they ask you if you want a second meal for the same $55. Well now it doesn't look so good and certainly it isn't worth spending another $55 on. The meal is now worth a lot less. This is a “Marginal benefit” which means the benefit decreases as the quantity consumed increases. I know that when I go to restaurants after the meal even the dessert menu is a marginal return. If you have a second home would you want to buy the one next to it also? Do you buy a second of the same car? Probably not because of the benefit being less than it was for the first. The more you have the less valuable everything becomes. You have to decide what you are after and what is enough. It is different to strive to create a lifestyle, or from having security and abundance for yourself and your family. Those are important. It would be a sin against nature to live less than prosperously and below the skills and ability you've been bestowed with. This is a time of enormous opportunity!

I wish each of you to have a prosperous lifestyle, whatever that means to you. But that is what you have to decide and then quickly start calculating the marginal benefit of more, because more for more sake is actually less. Because at that point you are likely trading what you value more like time, Freedom, lifestyle, control, flexibility, liberty, balance, or peace of mind for more stuff or achievement accumulation. All of which has a marginal benefit drop off to it. I am being thoughtful, I am calculating what I want and how I achieve my goals. I’m checking these to minimize the trading of what is priceless to me, for things that have a diminishing marginal benefit. Be sure you do this for yourself, then you'll know how to properly rain in and steer your ambition. I will always be ambitious, I will always be productive, I will never retire until I am retired to a spot of ground. I will not rush there either. But success is not a lot more stuff, it is not in a storage unit or a bigger house. That is only accumulation or consumption. Success to me is about being in full control of my choices, it is the ability to choose what I want to do, when I want to do it, and the way I want it done with who I want to do it with. I am building a life that is on purpose and by my design, that is real freedom or success that is really living. That is what an amazing life is. So who is going on this trip with me?

I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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If you want to Invent, If you want to do any innovation or anything new, you’re going to have failures because you need to experiment…” Jeff Bezos It takes failures to get to success. One or two successes can pay for many losses. You might have been like me. My thought has been Failure means time to move on. “If at first you don’t succeed, give up and move on right.” Failure can be hard. I didn’t know how to feel good about it plus there was always something shiny off to the right or left that would catch my attention. It was easier to move on than to buckle down and fix things.

Despite the truth of all this the facts are I didn’t get good at anything because I always moved on before I could. The sad part is I got stuck in the failure and never made it to the windfall because I gave up. It is so easy to look around at all the good ideas because there are many out there and there is someone that will share them with you. I was the kind of person that I would say yes to the 99 different opportunities and say no to the one. I will admit that I still moved forward and grew just not at the rate I could have had I stuck with one and worked through the failures.

I have said that this time I put a line in the sand and burned the boats and will not go back. But I tell you there have been multiple times that I was so close to giving up and getting a job. If i had to count the times in the last 6 months I would need both my fingers and toes and still might be short. Pruning my life has been such a chore. I have so much deadwood. That is the amazing part of it though. Because of cutting all that deadwood there is so much room for new fruit to be produced. So much more energy to feed that fruit. I can feel a bumper crop coming on.

I know that it will not be easy. I have not failed for the last time. I have more to learn. I will learn it and keep going. I will say “no” to the crappy stuff that doesn’t support my mission so that I can focus on the things that will grow it.

I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life”. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 52.

So one of the things that I have had trouble with is I have tried to be clever about my productivity. I move from one thing to the other too quickly and too often and that has created a life that is scattered and non productive. When you look at pruning a tree or a bush, pruning keeps the tree or a bush from growing unruly. When we prune it then produces much more. Our lives are similar, I was always moving from one thing to the other but not moving forward in big ways. It is because of not staying productive. I would not follow this rule. But small causes are the ones that produce big results.

You have heard of the 80/20 rule. It says that 80% of effects come from 20% of the causes, but if you look at that 80/20 rule. You will find that it is part of every endeavor. Our leverage will increase our abilities exponentially as we tighten what we concentrate on. Most of us have been taught the wrong curve for success, we think along the lines of the bell curve. It follows the leverage curve which looks different. The Leverage curve goes straight until the very end and then just goes up at a steep rate at the end where success lies. Now this leverage curve is the one that makes all the difference in productivity because that's where the 20% should come from. It is not about finding ways to do more it is about only doing what is most important. Only doing the things that only you are here to do and saying no to all the things that don’t move you closer to your goals.

Warren Buffett said “That for every 100 great opportunities that are brought to me, I say no 99 times.” pretty powerful right, he also quoted “That the difference between successful people and very successful people are very successful people say no to almost everything.” So I'm working on learning to say no to things that do not fulfill my purpose. Because like I mentioned in another podcast I'm really big into saying yes but each yes is a “no” to other things. When we focus on saying yes only to things that ignite our purpose it makes us more productive and exponentially increases our output. So pick carefully.

We must “Stay Lean” meaning we cut the fat from our lives. Staying lean means taking out the things are not important and freeing up all the time that we use to spend on things outside of our purpose. You might know of the book “First things 1st” by Steven Covey. It talks about doing the most important things and getting them done then move on down in priority. They will really move the needle. Tom Peters said that “Your calendar is the only thing that demonstrates what you care about” so what does your calendar say that you are? I've been spending some time on this and I know one of the things that my calendar says is important to me is my family and my wife. Your calendar reflects who you want to be. If I can’t say “hell yes” to something then it will be a no. There is nothing in the middle of the road here anymore.

I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. I think of you each day. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for creating your amazing life. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 51.

So last night after my podcast I went to the gym and played basketball with my day. Actually we shot the basketball. Neither one of us is ready to run up and down the court yet but we are improving. As I was shooting the ball a good deal of the time I know as soon as it leaves my fingers whether or not the shot will go in. My muscle memory knows what it feels like if I throw it right and if I have it goes in. I bet you have experiences like this. As soon as the ball leaves, I know. If it is off I would announce “I Missed” or “That’s Short” telling people that I had not made the grade before it even became apparent. This announcement was not even conscious anymore. Once the shot left if it was off I would automatically say it. Now if I had not announced it would it be less noticeable? NO everyone watching would still know that I had missed the basket. Why is it that we feel the need to announce our shortcomings?

Why did I do this? I’m certain that it started because I thought that it would make me more likeable. That I would be more accepted by others if I announce my shortcomings. Is that crazy or have you ever done something like it? Another reason that I might have started doing this is to reduce expectations on me. To reduce responsibility and manage expectations. Is basketball the only place in my life that I do this? “NO” in fact “HELL NO.” I do this in a number of places and with many things! Does this create the Amazing Life I want “NO.” But now it is a habit! One that doesn’t serve me but habits do not need to serve us for us to keep them. There only needs to be an apparent or expected payoff for us to keep doing them.

So how and when do you announce your shortcomings to those around you. How will you change that?

I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today. Those that are here are good friends I think of you each day. I love you. You are a big part of my life and I’m glad you are here. If you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for creating your amazing life. Please reach down and hit the “Subscribe” button. I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 49.

So as a kid were you ever told by a parent, teacher, coaches or whatever that what you're aiming for is not possible for them or that it's impossible to reach? Sometimes the dream dies later as you get older and you get tired and instead of trying to pivot once more you decided just kind of throwing the towel this time for good. It's sad when a dream dies. And more often than not it dies far too soon.

So here are five dream killers;

1. fear: primarily fear of being judged or fear of failure these are debilitating and they are almost always rooted in the fear of rejection or judgment.

   1. Now when you separate everybody else expectations from your own it is easier to deal with the fear
   2. Failure:Failure is not the failure we think it is, even when we fail we often grow from it, Failure is part of development, it's part of the journey, failure is a stepping stone to evaluate yourself. We can use failure to jump to the next ledge.
   3. Belief: If you don’t believe in yourself somewhere along the way your heart got broken, it can happen innocently, or be the result of an action or a reaction from a parent, coach or other adult that broke your innocence, your trust, or your safety. That break then broke your esteem. Left unchecked you'll become dependent on other people's continual approval. You need other people to feel secure, significant and capable. But the problem is it doesn't work that way you have to believe in yourself first. It is only then that others will believe in you and then follow your lead.
   4. Comfort: You settle for short-term rewards that satisfy your primitive needs or instant gratification.
   5. Boredom: Hollywood has Hoodwinked many of us. We thought life was like the Star Wars movie. Where we are a hero all the time we get the glitz and glitter. But the process of success is mostly boring; it's Monday’s. It's built on the grinding mundane actions taken over and over to create success. Most people just get bored and then they drift off from their dreams. You have to master the Monday’s when others get bored, get distracted, and start to drift. That's when you need to double down, that's where you gain stride on everyone else, and where you win.

So don't let fear, failure, lack of belief in yourself, comfort or boredom kill your dreams and defeat you in your Amazing Life. These are the enemies that I need to crush, so I can achieve my potential. Which of these enemies give you the most trouble: fear, failure, belief, comfort, or boredom?

I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today if you haven't yet, do yourself and me a favor and subscribe to this channel. Also, Set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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Thank you for joining me today for creating your amazing life please reach down hit the “Subscribe” button I'm glad that you are joining me for episode number 48.

I want to let you know how much I appreciate each of you spending your time with me today if you haven't yet do yourself a favor subscribe to this channel set up a time and let's discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 47.

News Agencies are drug pushers and the negative news is their drug and the goal is to get you addicted. Those behind big media companies know you and how your brain is wired better than you do, they know that to survive your brain is constantly on the lookout to protect you from the threat of disaster. Are these people in the news media just awful, corrupt, and terrible people, not really we just need to understand their goals just look at income, they get paid for your attention. The competition for your attention has never been bloodier; they aren’t just competing with other news networks; there are newspapers, hundreds of cable and satellite channels, plus YouTube and every news website or RSS feed. They are also fighting every blogger, Facebook, or Twitter stream. There is a bare-knuckle brawl going on out there to capture your attention, Ever wonder why it's hard to keep control of your own attention? With this noisy world appealing to or manipulating the single greatest primal instinct we have as a species; the threat of danger and using the very survival and the psychology of our nature.

The reality is violence around the world has dropped dramatically. There has never been a safer time in all of human history than right now. But that is not our perception based on how the news media has been hijacking our attention and focus. So let’s go over some facts just so that you know what we're talking about is real. Worldwide your chances of dying a violent death are less than .02% of what they were during the thousand years of the Middle Ages that is a reduction of 99.8%. Those are extremely safer odds. They have continued to drop in the last 30 years another 333% Non fatal firearm attacks are down 400% the last 20 years.

Poverty has declined over 300%, it went from over half the planet to under 17% world wide of education and Global literacy has jumped 10Xs in the last century and all of these numbers are growing exponentially in the positive direction like never before these are absolutely the best safest and most prosperous time we've ever seen and luckily for us experienced in all of human history. But that is not what will be reported on the TV or the radio.

We are fed what we crave and enslaved by our wiring. We are fed like an addict by a drug dealer. But we have a choice we can stay away from the drug dealer. We can choose not to use, we can go into recovery. We can have a different life if we choose and act.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can use these tools and others to get you to “your amazing life.”

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the subscribe button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 38.

So today I went on a hike near “Mirror Lake” As I am hiking down the trail and thinking I notice how the trees that are right next to the trail are different. All of them have no branches on the trail side for the first six or so feet. But on the other side the branches go all the way down the tree. I looked more closely and some of them had places where branches had been trimmed off in that area to keep the trail clear. Other trees look like they had never even tried to grow branches till after the height of the trail. So in the micro environment of the trail the trees grow differently than all of the other forest.

This started me thinking about how this plays into the environment around me and the racial situation we have found ourselves in. So what micro environments have we created in our communities? How do these micro environments affect race? As I contemplated this I realized that we have micro environments that have experienced poverty for generations. This affects the way people grow. What is a problem that we should be aware of and we need to change is the fact that the Black, Mexican, and American Indian races experience this in numbers that are statistically impossible to be determined as naturally occurring. The numbers who make it out are not enough in comparison to the population size. So why do large groups of these races show up disproportionately in poverty? We have created micro environments that make it more difficult to grow to their full potential. For example: the racial wage gap shows that a black male makes about $13000. a year less than a white male. This is a micro environmental causation that has diminished the freedom that this country espoused. In order to be totally free we must change these issues so that everyone has an equal ability despite their “Paint Job” as Les Brown put it.

Look at your actions and intentions. What do you do? What do you think when it comes to other races? How can you make changes in your own backyard? How can you increase the American dream for all races?

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life!”. Setup a time and let us discuss changing the micro environment and your life.

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 46.

Alright so today I want to to talk about or to introduce this subject with this poem. It is called “The Bridge Builder” by Will Allen Dromgoole.

An old man going a lone highway,

Came, at the evening cold and gray

To a Chasm vast and deep and wide.

Through which was flowing a sullen tide

The old man crossed on the twilight dim,

The Sullen stream had no fear for him

But he turned when safe on the other side

And built a bridge to span the tide

“Old man,” said a fellow Pilgrim near.

“You're wasting your strength with building here;

Your journey will end with the ending day,

And you will again you will you'll never again pass this way;

You've cross the chasm, deep and wide,

Why build this bridge at evening eventide?”

The Builder lifted his old gray head;

“Good friend, in the path I have come,” he said

“There followed after me to-day

A youth whose feet must pass this way.

This chasm that has been as naught to me

To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be;

He too must cross in the twilight dim;

Good friend, I am building this bridge for him.

So I have a problem I think of myself and I think pretty highly of myself at times. I sometimes think I'm better than other people around me. I know more, or that my ideas are better, or any of those types of things. I think of myself sometimes rather than thinking of other people. I don't always know what other people have been through. I don't always understand why they feel the way they feel. I am often able to judge them despite not knowing these things. I can say that “I know better,” “They are wrong in thinking this way,” “that that doesn't make any sense,” or “that's not how life is rigged.” There are all kinds of excuses that I can come up with as to why I'm right. Whether or not I am right doesn't really matter, because what does matter is the fac that I feel like my action, or my beliefs, are better, or stronger. So it can be a problem because when we don't see what other people go through, or don't understand what other people have to have experienced. I know that there are times when I am difficult. There are times when I am wrong, there are times when I am full of myself. So today, here and now I'm going to commit to be more thoughtful of other people and to be able to see more of what they experience, rather than concentrate on my experience that's what I'm going to do

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can use these tools and others to get you to “your amazing life.”

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 45.

So today is an amazing day I got to learn about my brain and I got to overcome some of the monkey brain and I got to move forward. That makes it amazing. I mean so many times people want their amazing days to be without issues to be without trouble to be without problems, but you know what, life is not rigged that way. Life has problems, in life you encounter troubles. It is amazing, when you overcome them that's what makes life truly worth living. You have so many abilities. You have the ability to choose how you're going to feel, if you are going to get angry and give in to your temper or if you're going to feel upset about things that are happening to you. All of those are within your control. You have the ability to change what you feel and how you think and that is what is so cool about this life. I am so grateful that I have learned that I can change how I feel. Of all the lessons that I have learned I think that is the one that means the most to me because that has made the most difference in my life. Now, have I made mistakes, of course my kids will attest to that. My kids have grown up with me showing my frustration, my anger, my temper, all the time and they have because of that had to learn to deal with their problems. Because I have passed some of those things onto them. So we do have those problems and we can overcome them. I was talking to a friend of mine today, my friend. He's gone through some trauma in his life, there is no doubt and because of that trauma he has problems, and that they get in his way. He feels, put upon, he feels like he is being abused and that's not uncommon when you have experienced trauma. Trauma can cause that but the issue is it doesn't help him feel better it doesn't make a positive difference in his life. This makes it so that he is continually experiencing the same anger, temper and negative emotions. He feels like he is depressed, overwhelmed, and often frightened. But all of those feelings are things that come and they can be chosen. It can be accepted or these feelings can be rejected and we can change how we feel. That is what separates us from animals, we have the option of choosing and it's just a short time. In fact you have only about a millisecond but your thoughts go faster than that and you can in that millisecond choose whether you're going to feel that emotion that's coming over you or whether you're going to change that. I was able to change those I knew that anger when it welled up inside of me that frustration when it started overcoming me. I knew those were coming and I could choose for just a split second to either feel those or to not feel them. I can choose to feel happy, accepted, and loved. Now do I still have problems? Of course I do, are there still times when I don't feel happy, accepted, and loved. There are times that my family and friends get to experience me not reacting with love and acceptance. I’m sorry when I react that way. I do want you to know that you can have an amazing life. You get to choose it that is your birthright. I hope that you will start to choose differently and that you will choose happiness, acceptance and love.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can use these tools and others to get you to “your amazing life.”

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.”  Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button.  I am glad you are joining me for episode 44.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can use these tools and others to get you to “your amazing life.”

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Has one statement ever just turned you off and sent your head spinning, or is it just me? It can happen to me fairly regularly. I mean today was going really well. I was staying focused and feeling good and then I wasn’t. I was so distracted I made mistakes at work. Since it was late in the day I finally just gave up working. This isn’t one of the fun distractions like an online game or a tv show. This was replaying the thing over and over in my mind. This was very debilitating. It used to haunt me for hours maybe even days. But now I have it down to less than an hour. I can usually talk myself down in a lot less time than it used to be. This is a distraction and it keeps me from producing at my highest level.

What tools are helpful with this problem? What a great question.

1. Become aware of the thoughts that are going through your head. Look over the story and poke holes in it. This will help you to find out exactly what part is true and what parts are not. Once you question the validity of a thought it loses much of its power.
2. The world abhors a vacuum. So if you want to stop feeling something determine what it is that you do want to feel and work on putting that feeling into place. What would feeling loved and accepted look like?
3. Journal about the experience not just about what happened but the feelings that came along with it. Write down all of the thoughts that the experience caused. Get them all down on the paper. It can be good after you get it all out and on the paper to either burn or tear it up.
4. Mirror work: Look yourself in the eye using a mirror and say out loud positive statements about yourself. Tell yourself the things you know you need to hear. Things like “I am Trustworthy, Lovable, and Enough.”
5. Anchor: You can write or print up a statement and put it on a wall where you will see it often. Perhaps wear a piece of jewelry. I have the rubber bracelets and they say “ I am worthy” on one side and “I am enough” on the other and you can have one if you just pay for postage. Or even anchor it to a particular place in your body and you can bring the feeling right back by touching that place.
6. Meditation: Just concentrate on your breathing in and out. If your mind wanders do not place blame just go back to thinking about your breath.
7. Yoga: is a great way to clear the mind.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can use these tools and others to get you to “your amazing life.”

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 42.

So a Pyrrhic victory is a victory that inflicts such a devastating toll on the victor that it is tantamount to defeat or negates any true sense of achievement or damages long-term progress. . What are the things that you think you have won but have actually cost you more than the victory paid? I mean this happens in my life right. I only make as much money or have as much business as I feel is acceptable. Because I want love and acceptance by my friends and family. I will accept being overweight because If I am thin friends look down on me and feel like I don’t have struggles. So I will accept the victory of being 20 LBS overweight so that I feel accepted and loved. I will move on from one thing to another and accept distraction so as not to move out of the social norm of financial freedom of those I care about. Have you ever stayed in a relationship past the time when it was good? That could have been a pyrrhic victory.

Pyrrhic victories come from looking at ourselves. But we are here for more than that. I am here to “inspire” each of you to greater heights. My life is about “How do I get you to see the Amazing miracle that you are?” My responsibility is to be of impact on your life! To leave it better than it was when I came into it. You are unique in all of time there has never been nor will there ever be someone like you! We cannot clone you. The clone might be made up of the same genetic characteristics, but your mind and your experiences are so unique that they would be a whole different person. There is nothing like you anywhere. Your energy signature cannot be duplicated and it is felt by others you meet. Your choices and actions are what determine how you show up and get those out to people. Will you continue to accept your Pyrrhic victories or will you move past them and dig down and create an amazing life for you and those that you meet?

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can create the tools to get you to “your amazing life.”

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 41.

What pain, what work, what sacrifice will you choose so that you can have the results you desire? Emotional pain and suffering is all self chosen. Things that happen to us are just things there is no good or bad to it.. Shakespeare said “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” in Hamlet. This is as true today as when he said it. So we get to choose how we react or think about the things that happen to us. The Hero's journey is to choose what pain, work or sacrifice and then to allow the struggles to come without assessing meaning to them. Now this is not simple. I have worked on it for years but others pick it up quicker, some never get it. It is possible to train our minds, that there is no meaning in the results we achieve. My mind loves to attack meaning to the things that happen. But when I do that it breeds unhappiness. I am getting to the point where things can happen and I do not feel victimized by them. I do not feel unhappy about having to have sacrifice or suffer. I look at my life and ask if this where to be better than where in my life would I like to have suffering , sacrifice or pain. Because this will be part of this existence.

Those who are successful grind through the mundane work, being tired, they do not allow things that happen to create a mentality of victimization. They realize that in this world we have the opportunity to grow through sacrifice, struggles, and work. Those are the things that bring us life. Those are what keep us alive. For most of the world sacrifices, struggles are things that distract us from who we are and what we have to offer this world. But those who create success do not get distracted by these, they see them, they feel them, they look at alternatives and move past them without emotional baggage.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life!”. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can create tools to get you to where you want to be.

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 40.

So today my monkey brain was pushing back. I had lots of emotions, lots of thoughts about moving on from what I am doing. Man it was in full spring. I had to use my tools just to move and do the things that I told myself that I would do. Man I wanted to quit. But I did not. I picked myself up and did what I said I would. I brought back to me this poem that I memorize when I was about 21

“Quit!” “Give up, you’re beaten,” they shout and plead

there’s just too much against you now, this time you can’t succeed.

And as I start to hang my head in front of failure’s face,

my downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.

And hope refills my weakened will as I recall that scene,

for just the thought of that short race rejuvenates my being.

A children’s race, young boys, young men; how I remember well,

excitement sure, but also fear, it wasn’t hard to tell.

They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race

or tie for first, or if not that, at least take second place.

Their fathers watched from off the side, each cheering for his son,

and each boy hoped to show his dad that he would be the one.

The whistle blew and off they went, young hearts and hopes of fire,

to win, to be the hero there, was each young boy’s desire.

One boy in particular, his dad was in the crowd,

was running near the lead and thought “My dad will be so proud.”

But as he speeded down the field across a shallow dip,

the little boy who thought to win, lost his step and slipped.

Trying hard to catch himself, his hands, flew out to brace,

and mid the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face.

So, down he fell and with him hope, he couldn’t win it now.

Embarrassed, sad, he only wished to disappear somehow.

But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face,

which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win that race!”

“Quit!” “Give up, you’re beaten,” they still shout in my face,

but another voice within me says, “Get up and win that race.”

Unknown

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life!”. Setup a time and let us discuss how you can win the race.

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and Hit the “subscribe” button. I am glad you are joining me for episode 39.

There are three brain processes that go on in our brain. The first one is the robot brain. This part covers all the subconscious actions. This is an important part; it keeps our heart beating, our lungs breathing, and many other things. The robot part of the brain job is to keep us alive and breathing. It is also the part that takes care of flight, fight or freeze. It also takes care of all the habits you have formed. It just runs you through those habits and you don’t even have to think about it. This is Very Powerful, once you get something to be a habit you don’t have to think about it just happens.

The next part is the monkey brain; this is the part that gets distracted that likes to be entertained.This brain is the one that wants to know what is happening on Facebook, or play games. It is the part that loves to see the next shiny thing. It wants to move us from one thing to the next.

We, Like most of life on this planet. Look for the path of least resistance. As a species we are lazy. This has been coded into us for as long as people have been around. We don’t want to exercise or move. Our body looks for the way to use the least amount of calories as possible. Our true nature is what comes out when we are not specifically focused on goals. Look at people like Micheal Jordan, Karl Malone. In their time they were number one. They spend hours and hours practicing. Since they left basketball they have not put the same time and energy into their physical routines. They have gained weight. Their true nature has exerted itself.

The part of our brains that make us different from the animal kingdom is the “Sage” brain. This is the part that wants a better future, It wants to lose weight? It is the part that wants improvement. This is the part of the brain that we use to set goals. But this part of the brain doesn’t start automatically.

95% of the things our brain does is with the robot brain. Oftentimes the monkey brain uses up the last 5%. We have to work until using our Sage brain becomes a habit. That is what will create an amazing life.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t yet, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life!”. Setup a time and let us discuss how to put your sage brain to work.

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and subscribe to my podcast. Thanks for joining me for episode 37.

So what does this mean? Why are we only as good as our worst habits? “Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.” Warren Buffet. Many people like to say concentrate on your strengths. But if a chain is only as strong as its weakest link “playing to our strength” will not move the needle in a positive or big way. It will not help you to feel like you are moving forward. The key to reaching your potential is to work smarter not harder. I was talking to a friend the other day about losing weight. He was saying how he has been working out doors a lot and not eating during the day, but still not losing weight. How many times have you felt like you're doing almost all the right things and yet not getting the results. So this is because we focus on the positive things we do, maybe those are even 70% of the time. But that other 30% is the problem. With that 30% if you're eating donuts and other high sugar, high calorie, low nutrition food, you will not lose weight.

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” John C. Maxwell. Strengthening our weakest areas will give us the most bang for our buck. It is a powerful way to begin reaching our greatest potential. When we let go of the things that are holding us back will quickly propel us forward.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life. Setup a time and let us discuss strengthening your weakest parts and then change your life.

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and subscribe to my podcast. Thanks for joining me for episode 36.

You probably heard of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) but what is Intention Deficit Disorder? Right now with all the things going on we need people with Intention. People who intend to share love with others, or intend on playing their part in overcoming the racism that is rampant in our world today. We need to have people that will treat everyone with value and respect! We need people that will stand up to others that are making poor decisions. We need people that will talk about what is going on. You don’t have to march. Nor do you need to travel halfway across the world not even halfway across your town. We need people to be intent on helping those in their neighborhood and in their communities. You do not half to go far to find people that are struggling and in need of feeling valued and loved. Like I spoke about many times there is a virus that is killing us and it is keeping us from feeling loved and appreciated. Feeling loved is a need and we will find a way to meet that need. It could be something that has positive or negative repercussions but we will get these needs met one way or the other.

So if there are people reaching out and using negative interactions to try to meet these needs. We can step in and fill the needs they are trying to meet and they will not need to use those negative actions anymore. The actions we take are to meet the needs we have. In many societies around the world there are issues with the mistreatment of groups of people because of the race or group they belong to. I’m kind of a geek and into “Star Trek” and in all the “Star Trek” stories we as the human race have moved on from racism on the planet. Which is great! The problem is that we then move on to race issues with people from other planets. So it is not that we overcame racism, we just changed who it applies to. Right now we can’t even come up with stories that we do not treat others differently. Why is that, why can’t we imagine a world that no matter where you come from what you look like or what group you align with, that we can treat each other with respect and love?

How can we turn around this society? How can we develop not only a vision but an intention of treating everyone with respect and value? How do we move past where we are now? It is not only possible but it is simple. It is far from easy though. We do it by changing one person at a time. You can start to change the world. Change your vision look to see beyond the color of one skin or other identifying groupings. Then put together a game plan on how you can put in place a few intentions. You are the only one in the world that has the power to start this change.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me today. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life. Setup a time and let us discuss your Intention Deficit Disorder and change your life.

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and subscribe to my podcast. Thanks for joining me for episode 35.

So stress can affect us in so many ways. It can affect our sleep, our digestion, the way our heart beats, or cause seizures. Our body is meant to deal with stress in small time periods 5 mins here 15 mins there. Stress's job is to protect us, it is to get us to move. We like to call it stress because we don’t want to refer to admit what it really is. Stress is a low level of fear that is with us for long periods of time. We can fear a loss: things like loss of love or acceptance, Loss of meaning like in loss of a job, the fear of the unknown. Right now that is a pretty big one for me just like it is for millions of others. Many are fearful that they will go to bed hungry. Some have fear that they will be mistreated by others. These are all fear based.

Where does the fear come from? It can come from experiences we have had or seen in the lives of others. I have a friend that feared being homeless. It was such a big fear that he packed his apartment with stuff from floor to ceiling with just a trail through the middle. He believed if he had enough stuff in there he would not be homeless again. But that did not help him keep his place. I know others that where so afraid to be alone that they would stay in abusive relationships, They would allow others to hit, kick, yell obsinities, or rape them and not leave because they feared being alone more than they feared the abuse. Now those that have experienced these things are not to blame that is not what I am saying. Those that hit, kick, yell, or rape they are making very poor choices, those that it happens to do not share any part of the blame.

But I got off topic. But fear is a big part of our lives today and it is not for short bursts of time but for long periods. Our bodies are not set up to handle these long periods of stress or fear. And because It is not set up for it. It causes dis-ease in the body. I have had ulcers, allergies, and seizures and they all started with fear, breaking down the body's system.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life. Setup a time and let us discuss tools that will set you up to overcome your stress.

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Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and subscribe to my podcast. Thanks for joining me for episode 34.

So Albert Einstein said “If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask… for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.” In the novel ”The Left Hand of Darkness” They had a religion that was based around asking the proper question they talked about this person who found out how he was going to be murdered and because of the answer he got became a hermit for years and ended up being murdered by his spouse as she was stir crazy. So if you have the answer it is only applicable if you know the right question.

Crafting great questions is what makes it possible to make imaginative leaps in our lives. How many questions a day do you ask? What is the quality of those questions? As adults many of us have lost our curiosity. Many feel that as “Experts” we don’t need to ask questions. But real experts ask a higher level of question. Researchers work very hard on their question. The question they ask if not right will skew the results or make the research pointless.

“Harvard Business Review” did an article on the “Surprising Power of Great Questions.” They state that questioning is a skill that can be honed. “It (Questioning) spurs learning and the exchange of ideas, it fuels innovation and performance improvement, it builds rapport and trust…” They state by asking questions we can increase our emotional intelligence. Asking questions also increases interpersonal bonding. Bringing us closer together. Questions are an easy tool to add to improve your life.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life. Setup a time and let us talk about how to use it to increase your ability to ask questions.

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Our society is in crisis today if we look at some of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Thanks for joining me today for “Creating Your Amazing Life.” Please reach down and subscribe to my podcast. Thanks for joining me for episode 33.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology comprising a five-tier model of human needs and motivation, it is often depicted as a pyramid. One of the higher needs that Maslow found is Love and belonging. This is a need. As a need we will find a way to have it met or we will die. In our world today with COVID and the issues we are facing with racism this need is not being met for many people and it is literally killing us. We actually have studies out there that will back up these claims.

In a recent study the author of the report stated that the decline in life expectancy was less alarming than the decrease in emotional well being of Americans. This decrease in emotional well being was enough lower to bring down our life expectancy. Wow, That is huge!

One of the things that play into this is the types of feelings we concentrate on. There are 27 different types of emotions. So how many emotions can you name. If you're normal, maybe four or five. There is probably Happy , anxious, sad, angry, and exhausted, those are the ones we hear about most often. Only one of those is a positive feeling. In our society, we are often in negative emotions and it has gotten much worse in a short period of time! When was the last time you felt Ecstatic? What about Love struck? If you look around at news or post on Facebook how many are even hopeful? We are in a crisis and it will kill us. This new crisis is everywhere. If you wonder how deadly this new crisis is check out this stat. The suicide rate increased by 24% between 1999 and 2014.

How do we inoculate ourselves against this new disease of despair? How do we find belonging? We are social creatures. We need each other to survive and that has been the case since the start of the human race. But today we act independently. Not as a group. We are trying to fight our wiring and programming. We are moving farther away from each other, not closer together.

People are happier and healthier when they feel connection and belonging. We have groups that we are a part of that we can embrace and fill.

Like:

Family keep families close and

Life partner

Church membership

Social tribe with common interest . these are not Facebook friends in which you compare yourself with but rather people in which you have connection

Sports or activities

Fab 5 the people you share your real self with.

We all need each other.

We need to love and to be loved.

I appreciate each of you for spending your time with me. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and subscribe to this channel so you can “Create Your Amazing Life. Setup a time and let us talk about what you can do to feel more loved and get a greater sense of belonging.

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Have you ever walked into your house or a room and felt your body talk over and you blow up and yell and scream? Ever had the experience that not even the dog was glad to see you come home? I used to walk in the house, the door I used led right into the kitchen. If the sinks had food and dirty dishes all over I would feel a emotion rise up through my body and I would bulldoze right over my children. I would take no prisoners. It took me so long to move past those reactions. There are other reactions that I have not moved past yet. When you have those feelings they are there it is because of trauma patterns that have been automated. These patterns are not experienced in your brain; they are felt in your nervous system. Because of this you can have a pattern that runs your life and you will not be aware of it. You feel it in your body before it gets in your head. There is a concept called "ghost in the nursery." You can have experiences that you may or may not remember in your mind. But your body or nervous system remembers them. It then plays them out later in life as your body recognizes the situation and starts the behavior without your mind's permission. Your nervous system repeats the pattern you saw. When we are triggered we can for a split second interrupt the autonomic response that the nervous system is ready to invoke. Or we can let the nervous system run its course and bulldoze the people and situation we are in. When I experienced my dad getting angry and letting go of control and hitting or kicking me. That created a pattern. The pattern can cause us to feel invisible and powerless. The pattern can give away our power too. In fact at one point, as a teen, I told my dad I can push your buttons and take you right to the brink and then drop you like a rock right before you hit me. I was right on that pattern more than I was wrong. That gave me power in the relationship. But I also created other patterns that have not served me well and yet they have been a part of me till now. You can learn to get past these automatic reactions. For more tools contact me.

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Welcome to creating Your amazing Life with Ken Gerber. This is Episode 32. Thanks to all those who listen to my podcast I appreciate each of you. Please reach down and subscribe to my channel. One of the people that I’m working with has been through a great deal of abuse over their life. They have struggled to become an effective person because of it. Each day they have been required to step into their fears. Because of their past they have fears around many things. It is not easy for people that have experienced great amounts of mistreatment in their lives to move past them but time and again with new tools I have seen people move from that fearful and painful place to experience happiness and joy. One of my favorite quotes is from the movie Hope Floats.“Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.” We have so many things that happen to us. Many things in life are hard to move past. But I have seen so many people move forward and grow. When they do the strength they have built from overcoming the issues is something that serves them positively in their future. Many of us stop short of what we can actually do. What would your life be like if you overcame your childhood. What would you feel like if you moved past your abuse? What if instead of moaning or lamenting about your situation you grieved the loss and were actually able to let it go? What is the story that you tell yourself about the situation? Are you looking for a real and supportive father figure? Are you still looking for a kind and loving mother? Are you still trying to get back your childhood? What kind of emotions do these stories bring into your life? For many these stories cause depression and self abuse.

It is only through grieving that we can move on to hope. Lamenting and moaning do not encourage hope. Hope is what builds an Amazing Life! Hope is the salve that heals the wounds that we carry. So how are you going to step into fear, overcome the pains of the past built hope and an amazing future? Let’s have a conversion, find out how to get you to where you can hope for the future. Please subscribe and Thanks for being here and creating your Amazing Life!

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Do you spend 90 percent off your time with the people most important to you or least. So many of us go to work each day and spend our time with coworkers. Spending 10% with spouses and children and we consider that normal behavior in our society. Is that your normal? Right now with covid 19 many of us have had a new experience some have found they prefer the new norm spending more time at home. What have you found that completes you and gives you a feeling of success. Are you creating what you want out of life or do you just accept what has been handed to you? I have been kind of going back and forth. I'm working at creating the amazing life I want but there is fear and bumps in the road. They make me question my resolve.

Did I really burn the boats or can I go back? Cause right now is difficult. The devil I know is easier to deal with than the devil I don't know. Now is the time to choose and step forward into the fear I'm facing. Or it is the time to give up and go back. It is easy to find a place that I can spend 90% of my time with people who I'm paid to be around. I can go back which is what makes the decision difficult. No matter what the fear is it is not easy to step into even if there is no reality to the fear. There are many tools you can use to get past these fears. You can gain tools that will help you to get past your story and your fears. Setup a time to talk with me and let us discuss the tools you need.

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You know In my 30’s I was very stressed out all the time. I had thoughts of what might happen, what I expected to happen, and the gap between the two seemed to be great. Those differences between what I worried about and expected to happen and what was really going on created a big divide. That seemed like a chasm and caused a great deal of stress in my life. The things that I found that worked for me are:

1. Do what needs to be done without whining. Action reduces stress.
2. Stop trying to control everything.
3. Do what you can and let go of the rest.
4. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt
5. Deeply breathing

This has been something that I have continued to learn. I had something big happen last week. It rocked my world and sent me back into old habits. I had to work at it again and move through these five things to start to work past the loss and other emotions that came with the experience. Life is not a do it right once and it is over experience. We get to create confidence by stepping into things that scare us and cause us stress. Stress is pain. Pain has a job. Pain wants us to move away from the thing that causes pain. When we burn ourselves we move away from the flame. Set up a time to talk about getting past your stress and pain points.

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We are all way more capable than we allow ourselves to be. The ceiling we create is our stress point not our point of failure. Your stress point can be traffic, unfavorable gossip, your favorite sports team lost or making sales calls. You know when I first started thinking about this I was “like what stress I don’t stress.” “It’s like don’t stress the small stuff and there is no big stuff.” But the more I thought about it those are lies that I tell myself so that I don’t have to work or improve or push the ceiling. Some people are overwhelmed by the smallest of setbacks others are unwilling to identify the setbacks they put into place. This keeps us living a small life. This is just the reality of the laws that govern life. So the size of the problem that stresses you out, is in proportion with the size of your life.

1. To have a bigger life you have to raise the level of what stresses you out.
2. What is the stress breaking point that you want or need to accomplish the success you are working for.

Raise your stress point threshold in a deliberate way that will get you to where you want to be.

What is the stress point you want to raise, set up a time and share it with me.

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Confidence is a result, an outcome of your actions, not a cause. Confidence is earned, developed, and grown. You don’t start with confidence, you end up with it. We are born naked, scared, and ignorant. We gain confidence through action, day by day. By telling a better story. Prayer, hope visualize, chanting, subliminal program their way to confidence. Those tools can help you change your story, create love and acceptance for yourself. But they are not what creates confidence.  Confidence comes from actions you take on a regular basis. A definition of confidence is a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment. You get that feeling of trust based on prior results. When we step into our fear and overcome it that increases our trust in our abilities. So as we do that multiple times it creates more and more trust in our abilities. Success precedes confidence. So setup a time for us to talk about how to create actions to increase your confidence.

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Do what needs to be done as a gift to your future self. This will reduce your workload and stress in the future. Call and let's talk about what gift you want to give yourself.

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“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It is easy to say, its not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem. Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider these people my heroes.” Mr Rogers. Give me a call and let me know how things are going for you with the things going on.

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Those who we have lost those that have gone on before us, would want us to live life and be happy. There are tools you can use that will help you to overcome anxiety and depression so that you can be happy. Reach out let's talk about what you want to do so your life is not a waste.

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We will find a way to feel a part of a larger group, to be happy we need to feel that we are valued and important to others there are multiple ways to get it. Some are negative others are positive. They can get us the emotion we need but cost us in the long run. Let's talk about how you get a feeling of value.

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When I don't feel valued I do not stay but many  people do. Why is it that we allow people to treat us like we have no value or like they own us. If you want to talk about this please click here.

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Its hard right now and compassion fatigue is a real thing. Setup a time and let's talk about what you are thinking and feeling.

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So the things that are going on, with the building my business, Covid 19 and the racial inequality have been emotionally draining. So how do we get energy.  One way is to build loving relationships within our communities. We develop love for those that we serve. If you would like to talk about what is going on in your life setup an time and let's talk.

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I want to acknowledge those that feel oppressed, or victimized. I know that there are some social issues that need addressing. I feel empathy for you and the situation. I'm grateful for the many good cops out there and our national guard. Our country needs healing and that healing will come from each of us reaching out to people in our communities and helping them feel loved and heard. If you want to talk about more tools to feel loved reach out and let's talk.

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Can I as a white make know what suffering is? According to a friend I grew up and a family member I cannot. Why are there people who believe we can fight hate with anger?  If you want to discuss what I don't know and have a bunch of time on your hands reach out setup a time and let's talk about it. Click here to set up a time.

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Let's talk share your dreams with me tell me about the ones you let go of. Click here to set up a time.

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Are you busy moving without direction Or Do you know the end of the story and you are moving in that direction. Feel free to setup a time to tell me about your story and the bumps that derail you.  Click here to setup a time

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This is a day to Honor our Military members who have died preserving our Freedom. I have the utmost honor and love for our fallen heroes. I know that sometimes our Vets have trouble being the ones that live but those who died for us would want us to live fully and happily. We can best remember them by living fully. Happy Memorial day. Let's chat

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So lets walk through what causes a trigger and how do I protect from being triggered. As always love to have a discussion on how this affects you.

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How to find your passion and become!

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There is a time and a place for fear many of us feel fear when it is unhelpful and unhealthy. Let's talk about when and where you feel the fear response and how you deal with it. Set up a time for us to go over it.

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Doing is things that we do that get things done that accomplish things. Being or becoming is who we are. Doing is the easier thing to concentrate on. Being takes more work. For tools and tricks setup a time to speak with me.

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My story continues and I keep wondering when do I give up? When do I take a job? Giving up is a habit a bad one and I have gotten to used to it! If you would like to share your story and how it affects you please set up a time. 

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So yesterday because of some issues we moved my dad in with us. and it was hard and took a bunch of hours. I glad he's here.  But it affected my story and during the move I got triggered and went off. I was able to reign it in within about a minute. But there are times when it is difficult and we get angry. We just need to get to the story happening at the moment we are triggered and change that story so we are no longer triggered by the event. I was able to move quickly past it because of the right tools. Setup a time and let's talk about the story's you want to change in building an Amazing Life! 

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This podcast is about the time that you have in which to change your thoughts before they move to feeling and then affect your behavior.

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I felt like I got hit from all sides. I was up till 2 AM cause my brain would not quit playing over the garbage over and over. Have you ever been there? It was hard and I don't want to go back there. But I was able to overcome and you can too. I work with people all the time that are able to overcome depression and anxiety  and get so they are not triggered all the time. There are tools that can create that. I can help you with those tools. Please subscribe to my podcast. and setup a time to talk on calendly.

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What we say does affect our outcomes. There are studies and proof out there. Even though many people like to believe that they have no responsibility for what they speak. Yet things always happen to them. Things often happen to me But when I'm in a good place, I happen to things and I control what happens. 

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We often expect that what we put in should create our outcome. Our actions affect the outcome but not always create it. Cause life can sometimes get in the way. But you have to continue to put in the work for the outcome to be realized.

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As we deal with adversity at different time and with different adversity we handle them differently. There are time we become soft, other times we probably become hard. Once in a while we use the adversity to create and become more. During this time of unprecedented adversity the world over there is in-creditable opportunity! What will you do how will you handle this adversity? You can Become something new during this time of adversity and that can lead to your happiness. I have tips and tricks to get you there. Here is a link to setup a call

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Some things happened yesterday. I had to watch the stories that I told myself about the things that happen. In the Past I would have said Oh this is a bad thing and it happened to me because I'm unworthy or a bad person. When I told those kind of stories to myself I was miserable. Now I tell myself a different story. The new story leads to happiness for me. Changing your story can lead to happiness for you. I have tips and tricks to change your story. Here is a link to setup a call

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How do they affect us? What is the outcome of the story? Stories have been told since the beginning of time even before humans learned to read and write. Stories transcend generations. They create connections with others. It is through stories that we experience rich emotions and feelings of joy, sorrow, hardships, and failures.It is your perspective that shapes the meaning of your stories.

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How much money you get is equal to how much value you bring to the greatest number of people. Increase the value you bring and the number of people you bring value to and you income will increase.

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The covid 19 has brought a season that has slowed growth and seems cold and distant. It is a winter season in the lives of many. But after winter comes spring. Spring brings new life and renewal. This is a natural progression and we do not have to feel bad or unhappy just because of the season. We can feel hopeful and happy that spring will come this time will pass. Thanks for joining me in This Amazing Life!

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This is about me and the things I have over come. How I have moved past years and years of suicidal idealization and depression. It started as a teen and continued for over 25 years. But through this time I have been able to serve others and change their lives for the better and that is what I want to continue.

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