Dad's Guide to Twins: Recent Episodes

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If you have twins, you already know that conflict is basically a full-time job in your house. The real goal, though, isn’t to referee every argument. It’s to eventually work yourself out of that job entirely.

Teaching your twins to negotiate and compromise with each other on their own is one of the best long-term investments you can make as a twin dad. It takes patience and consistency upfront, but the payoff is huge.

💡 Quick Takeaways:

• Twins have a unique built-in opportunity to develop conflict resolution skills earlier than singletons
• Your job is to coach the process, not solve the problem for them
• Simple scripts and sentence starters give young twins the words they need to negotiate
• Consistency in stepping back (and letting them work it out) is the hardest and most important part
• The negotiation skills they build now will serve them for life Why Twins Are Actually Wired for ThisHere’s something that might surprise you. Twins are actually at a developmental advantage when it comes to learning negotiation and compromise. They have a built-in sparring partner from day one, which means more practice than any singleton gets.

Research published in the Early Childhood Education Journal found that children with siblings, especially close-in-age siblings, develop social negotiation skills earlier because they face peer-level conflict daily and have to navigate it repeatedly. Twins take that to another level entirely.

Of course, more opportunity for practice also means more arguments. (You’ve probably noticed.) But when you frame those conflicts as training sessions rather than emergencies, everything starts to shift.

The Biggest Mistake Twin Dads MakeThe biggest mistake most of us make is jumping in too fast.

Your twins start arguing over the TV remote, who gets the preferred seat in the car, or which movie to watch, and your instinct is to step in and solve it immediately. I get it. It’s loud, it’s exhausting, and you’ve got approximately 47 other things going on. But when you always solve it for them, they never learn to solve it themselves.

The goal is to become a coach, not a referee. There’s a big difference. A referee makes the call. A coach teaches the players how to make the call themselves.

According to research from the American Psychological Association, children who are consistently allowed to work through sibling conflicts with parental guidance (rather than parental intervention) develop stronger problem-solving skills and better emotional regulation over time. That’s exactly what we’re going for.

Start With the Language: Give Them the WordsYoung kids, especially toddlers and preschoolers, often escalate conflicts because they literally don’t have the words to express what they want or negotiate a solution. Your job in the early years is to give them that vocabulary.

Some simple sentence starters to teach your twins:

• “I want a turn when you’re done.”
• “Can we take turns?”
• “What if we do yours first, then mine?”
• “I don’t like it when you do that. Please stop.”
• “Can we find something we both want to do?”

For example, your twins might both grab the same stuffed animal at the same time and immediately start pulling. Instead of stepping in to settle it, kneel down and quietly coach: “Can you ask your sister for a turn?” Then step back and let the words do the work. It won’t go perfectly at first. But over time, they’ll start reaching for those phrases on their own.

The key is repetition. The more you model and prompt those phrases, the more natural they become. Eventually you’ll overhear your twins using them without any prompting at all, and that’s a genuinely great moment.

The You Work It Out RuleOnce your twins are old enough to have a basic conversation (usually around ages 4 to 5), you can start introducing what I call the “You Work It Out” rule.

Here’s how it works. When a conflict breaks out, instead of stepping in, you calmly say: “I know you two can figure this out. Come get me when you have a solution.” Then you actually leave the room. (Or at least pretend to.)

The first few times you try this, expect some chaos. Your twins might escalate, follow you, or insist they absolutely cannot solve it without you. Hold your ground. You can acknowledge the frustration without taking over: “I hear you, that sounds really hard. I know you can work it out together.”

Your twins might surprise you. For example, two kids who’ve been fighting over a single iPad might suddenly work out a 10-minute-each timer system completely on their own, simply because you stopped being available to arbitrate. Kids rise to what you expect of them.

Teach the Concept of Fair vs. SameOne of the trickiest things for twins to understand is that fair doesn’t always mean equal. This is actually a sophisticated concept, and it’s worth spending real time on it.

Your twins might argue that something isn’t fair because one got something the other didn’t. But fair means everyone gets what they need, not that everyone gets the exact same thing. For example, if one twin is afraid of the dark and gets a nightlight but the other doesn’t need one, that’s fair even though it’s not the same.

A simple way to explain this to younger twins: “Fair means you both get what you need. It doesn’t always look the same.” Repeat it often. It takes a while to sink in, but once it does, it removes a whole category of arguments from your daily lineup.

Research from PBS Kids for Parents supports this approach, noting that children as young as 5 can begin to grasp equity-based fairness when parents explain the concept in concrete, age-appropriate terms.

Use Real Situations as Teaching MomentsThe best negotiation lessons happen in the middle of real life, not during a calm family meeting. When your twins are in conflict, that’s actually your best teaching window, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Here’s a simple 3-step coaching approach you can use in the moment:

1. Name what’s happening. “It looks like you both want the same thing and you’re both feeling frustrated.”
2. Ask, don’t tell. “What are some ways you could both get what you want?” Let them generate the ideas.
3. Step back. Once they have a possible solution, let them try it without your help. Resist the urge to fine-tune their agreement.

Your twins might come up with solutions you’d never think of. For example, two kids arguing over who picks the dinner playlist might spontaneously agree to each pick five songs and alternate nights after that, completely unprompted. Let them own it. Their solution doesn’t have to be the one you would have chosen.

What to Do When Things Get PhysicalLet’s be real. Sometimes negotiation breaks down and things get physical. A shove, a grab, maybe a full-on Wrestlemania-style grapple over a Lego set. This is where the rules change.

Physical conflict always requires immediate parent involvement. The “you work it out” rule applies to verbal disagreements and standoffs, not to biting, hitting, pushing, or hurting. Step in calmly but clearly, separate the kids, and let everyone cool down before any problem-solving happens.

Once things are calm, that’s when the coaching conversation can happen: “What could you have done differently before it got to that point?” This circles back to the verbal tools and negotiation skills you’ve been building, and helps your twins connect the dots between communication and avoiding physical escalation.

Build in Structured PracticeYou don’t have to wait for a conflict to practice negotiation. You can build low-stakes practice into everyday life.

Some easy ways to do this:

• Let them plan something together. Have your twins jointly decide on a Saturday afternoon activity, a movie to watch, or what toppings go on the pizza. The stakes are low, but the negotiation muscles get a real workout.
• Give them shared responsibilities. Assigning one chore that requires both of them to cooperate (like cleaning up the playroom together) forces them to coordinate, divide tasks, and compromise without you directing every step.
• Play board games. Games that involve trading, turn-taking, or team strategy are great low-pressure practice for negotiation skills. Classics like Settlers of Catan (for older kids) or even simple trading card games work really well.

The more practice they get in low-stakes situations, the better equipped they’ll be when the real conflicts come up.

Adjust Your Approach as They Get OlderThe way you coach negotiation needs to evolve as your twins grow. What works for a 4-year-old won’t cut it for a 10-year-old, and what works for a 10-year-old will feel patronizing to a teenager.

Ages 2-4: Focus almost entirely on language and vocabulary. Model the words, prompt them gently, and keep it simple. At this age, your twins mostly need you to narrate the situation and hand them the tools.

Ages 5-8: Introduce the “you work it out” rule. Coach the process rather than solving the problem. Start teaching the difference between fair and same. Let them practice in low-stakes situations regularly.

Ages 9-12: Step back further. Expect them to use the tools independently and only check in after the fact. Start having conversations about why certain solutions work better than others. Introduce the idea of compromise as a two-way street where both people give something up.

Teenagers: At this point, your twins should largely be handling their own conflicts. Your role shifts to being available if they want to talk it through, not as a mediator but as a sounding board. Respect their process and their solutions even when they’re different from what you’d choose.

💡 Quick Tips for Teaching Twin Negotiation:

• Intervene less than feels comfortable. You’re probably stepping in too soon.
• Praise the process, not just the outcome. “I love how you two worked that out together.”
• Be consistent. The rule has to apply even when you’re tired and just want the noise to stop.
• Model it yourself. Let your twins see you negotiate with your spouse or with them in a respectful way.
• Celebrate wins out loud. When they resolve something independently, make a point of noticing it. The Long Game Is Worth ItHere’s the thing about raising twins: you’re not just raising two kids. You’re raising two people who will navigate their relationship with each other for the rest of their lives. The negotiation skills they build now don’t just make your house more peaceful today. They lay the foundation for how your twins will handle conflict in friendships, school, work, and eventually their own families.

That’s a pretty big return on investment for letting them argue it out over the TV remote.

When you think about it that way, every conflict is an opportunity. And twins get double the opportunities. (See, there’s always an upside.)

The post Twin Conflict Resolution: How to Raise Kids Who Work It Out Themselves appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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If your twins spend any time at school or in social settings, you already know it happens constantly. They get lumped together as “the twins,” treated like a matching set, and sometimes never really seen as two separate people at all.

My girls have dealt with this for years, and it has been one of the more surprising parenting challenges I didn’t fully anticipate when we found out we were having twins. I knew raising two kids at the same time would be busy. I didn’t know how much emotional energy would go into helping them each feel seen as individuals.

⚡ Quick Takeaways

• Being grouped as “the twins” is one of the most common social frustrations twins experience.
• Your twins may go through phases in how they respond, from correcting people to simply ignoring the mistake entirely.
• You can help them build strong individual identities at home, which gives them confidence to handle it in the world.
• Research shows that twins who develop a clear sense of individual identity actually have stronger social and emotional outcomes.
• Your role as their dad is to validate their frustration and equip them with tools, not to fight their battles for them. Why This Happens (And Why It Won’t Stop Anytime Soon)Let’s be honest about why other kids do this. It’s not malicious. It’s just easy. When two people look alike, dress alike, show up together, and share a last name, the human brain naturally groups them together. Other kids are working with limited information and taking the path of least resistance.

That doesn’t make it any less frustrating for your twins, of course. But understanding the “why” can help you frame it for them in a way that doesn’t make the world feel hostile, just a little lazy sometimes.

One of the most common versions of this my girls have experienced is what I call the “name shotgun.” A classmate spots one of my daughters and, rather than taking a guess, just fires off both names in a row: “Hey Emma-Olivia!” (or whichever name comes first). It’s part hedge, part greeting, and entirely maddening if you’re the one on the receiving end. My girls absolutely noticed it, and they were not impressed.

Your Twins Will Probably Respond Differently at Different AgesHere’s something I’ve watched play out firsthand with my own girls. The way they respond to being misidentified or lumped together changes as they get older, and it goes through some pretty distinct phases.

The correction phase usually comes first. Your twins will actively correct anyone who gets it wrong. Every single time. With emphasis. This is actually healthy, even when it feels exhausting to witness. They’re asserting themselves and making it clear that the distinction matters. Encourage this.

The selective response phase tends to come later. My girls eventually reached a point where they would simply not respond unless someone used their correct name. No correction, no frustration, just silence. If you call out the wrong name, you don’t exist. It’s honestly a pretty effective strategy (and a little funny to watch in action).

Both phases are healthy forms of self-advocacy. What you want to avoid is the in-between phase where they start to just accept the confusion and stop caring whether people see them as individuals. That’s the one worth paying attention to.

How to Help Them Build a Strong Individual Identity at HomeThe best defense against the “twins” label at school is a strong sense of self that starts at home. Here are some of the things that have worked for us.

Use their names, not “the twins,” as much as possible. This sounds obvious, but it’s surprisingly easy for even parents to slip into “the twins did this” or “ask the twins.” My wife and I try to be intentional about this. When you model individual identity at home, they carry that expectation out into the world.

Celebrate their individual interests separately. If one daughter loves art and the other loves soccer, lean into that. Talk about those interests separately, sign them up for different activities when they want to, and let each of them have things that are just theirs. Those individual passions become part of how they introduce themselves to the world.

Give them each their own space to talk. In a family with twins, it’s easy for conversations to happen in pairs. Make time to talk to each of your daughters one on one, even just for a few minutes each day. They’ll share things individually that they might not say as a pair.

Let them dress differently if they want to. This one can go either way depending on your kids. Some twins love dressing alike, others hate it. Follow their lead. If they want to be more visually distinct, support that fully. It gives other kids one fewer reason to default to treating them as a unit.

What Research Says About Twin Identity DevelopmentI noticed my girls pushing back on being grouped together pretty early. Turns out, that instinct is a healthy one. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that twins who develop strong individual identities alongside their twin bond tend to have better emotional wellbeing and social adjustment over time.

The key, according to developmental psychologists, is what’s called “individuation,” which is the process of each twin forming a clear sense of who they are as a separate person. This doesn’t mean pulling them apart or downplaying the twin relationship. It just means making sure each child has a clear answer to the question “who am I?” that goes beyond “one of the twins.”

💡 Quick Tips: Helping Your Twins Articulate Their Own Identity

• Ask each twin separately: “What’s one thing you’re really good at that’s just yours?”
• Roleplay how to handle being called the wrong name, so they feel prepared, not caught off guard.
• Praise them by name and for specific individual traits, not as a pair.
• Let them each pick one activity, hobby, or tradition that belongs only to them.
• Validate the frustration directly: “That would bug me too. Here’s what you can do.” Giving Your Twins Language to Advocate for ThemselvesOne of the most practical things you can do is help your twins have a few simple, confident responses ready when someone gets it wrong. Not a lecture, not a meltdown, just a clear and calm correction they feel good delivering.

For younger twins, something as simple as “I’m Emma, not Olivia” said with a smile is plenty. For older kids, you might help them practice saying something like “We’re actually pretty different once you get to know us” or just a calm “That’s my sister, I’m [name].” The goal is confidence, not confrontation.

My girls have landed on their own versions of this over time. One tends to correct immediately and directly. The other, as I mentioned, simply doesn’t respond until the right name is used. Both approaches work. What matters is that they feel empowered to handle it rather than just absorbing it passively.

Talking to Teachers and Other AdultsOther kids can be forgiven for taking a while to tell your twins apart. Adults don’t get the same grace period. If a teacher or coach is consistently getting your twins’ names wrong or treating them as interchangeable, it’s worth a gentle conversation.

You don’t need to make it a big deal. A simple note or quick chat at the start of the school year goes a long way: “Our daughters are twins but very different kids. Here’s a little about each of them.” Most teachers genuinely appreciate the heads up and will make the effort. Those who don’t probably need a follow-up conversation.

Some twin parents also find it helpful to put their twins in different classrooms when school policy allows. This gives each child a space where they’re known as an individual first, and a twin second. It’s not right for every family, but it’s worth considering if your twins are struggling with the identity piece at school.

Remind Them That Being a Twin Is Also Pretty AmazingHere’s the balance I always try to strike with my girls. Yes, being grouped together as “the twins” can be genuinely frustrating. And their feelings about that are completely valid. But being a twin is also one of the most unique and special things about them.

They have a built-in best friend who has literally never not known them. They share a bond that most people will never fully understand from the outside. The goal isn’t to escape being twins. The goal is to be fully seen as individuals who also happen to share something extraordinary.

When they’re frustrated, I acknowledge it. And then I remind them that the people who matter most will always take the time to see them clearly. Those are the friendships worth investing in.

This Gets Better as They Get OlderI want to give you some genuine encouragement here. The “name shotgun” phase, the constant grouping, the being treated as a unit rather than two people, it does ease up as your twins get older. As they develop stronger individual personalities, different friend groups, different interests, and different reputations in their own right, the people around them start to see them more clearly too.

Your job right now is to make sure they enter each new phase with a strong enough sense of self that the social labels don’t stick. That foundation is built at home, in the individual conversations, the separate celebrations, and the consistent reminder that each of them is a whole, complete, remarkable person who also happens to have a twin.

That’s a pretty great thing to be.

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Your twins have been each other’s built-in best friend since day one. But at some point, usually around preschool or kindergarten, the world starts asking them to be individuals. That’s when things get interesting.

Whether your twins end up in separate classrooms or you’re simply trying to help them develop their own friendships, figuring out how to facilitate separate playdates is one of those twin parenting challenges nobody really prepares you for. It can feel a little awkward at first, for you and for them. But it’s one of the best things you can do for each of your kids.

• Separate playdates help each twin build confidence and a unique identity outside of being “the twins”
• Not every twin will handle solo socializing the same way, and that’s completely normal
• Small, low-pressure steps go a long way for the twin who leans more on their sibling
• Separate classes can feel hard at first but often become a gift for their long-term independence
• Your role is to be the facilitator, not the fixer

Why Separate Playdates MatterWhen twins are always together, it’s easy for one (or both) to let the other do the social heavy lifting. One twin might naturally take the lead in conversations, make the first move with new kids, or handle conflict. The other twin learns to hang back and let it happen. It works great as a team. But individually? That quieter twin may never get the chance to develop those skills on their own.

Research backs this up. Studies published in the journal Developmental Psychology have found that twins who spend time in separate social settings tend to develop stronger individual identities and more confident peer relationships over time. The goal isn’t to pull them apart. It’s to give each of them the room to grow.

Every Twin is Different, Even Identical OnesWhen our girls were placed in separate classes in the early elementary years, the difference between them was immediately obvious. One of our daughters thrived. She made friends, found her groove, and honestly seemed to enjoy having her own space for a few hours a day.

Our other daughter struggled. She was much more dependent on her sister, and being in a different classroom felt genuinely hard for her. She wasn’t being dramatic. She just hadn’t yet built the social muscles to navigate a room full of kids without her built-in comfort zone standing next to her.

If you’re seeing that same split with your twins, know that it’s incredibly common. Having one twin who leans heavily on the other doesn’t mean something is wrong. It just means that twin needs a little more time and a few more gentle opportunities to find their footing.

How to Start Separate Playdates: Small Steps for SuccessThe worst thing you can do for a twin who’s struggling socially is throw them into a big playdate situation and hope for the best. Start smaller than you think you need to.

One of the things that helped our more dependent daughter was simply having lunch with her sister at school, even though they were in different classes. That small touchpoint in the middle of the day gave her enough security to make it through the rest of the day on her own. It sounds simple, but it made a real difference while she was building her confidence.

For playdates specifically, here are a few ways to ease into it:

• Start with a one-on-one playdate at your house, where your twin is on familiar turf
• Keep the first few separate playdates short (an hour or two is plenty)
• Let your twin invite someone they already have a small connection with, not a stranger
• Stay nearby but out of the way so your twin learns to manage the friendship themselves
• Debrief afterward in a low-key way: “Did you have fun? What did you guys do?”

How to Proactively Help Them Build Separate FriendshipsWith our girls, most of the separate friendships happened organically. If one daughter got invited to a birthday party or an activity through her own class, she’d go on her own. We didn’t force it, but we also didn’t stand in the way of it. That natural, low-pressure approach worked well for us.

That said, you can absolutely be a little more intentional about it, especially if your twins are in separate classes and you want to help both of them connect with their classmates. A few things worth trying:

• Talk to teachers. A quick conversation with each twin’s teacher can give you insight into who your child has been gravitating toward at school. That’s your playdate list right there.
• Reach out to the other parents. Yes, it feels a little awkward to text a parent you barely know. Do it anyway. Most parents of young kids are thrilled to set something up.
• Use school activities as a launching pad. After-school sports, art class, or a library program gives each twin a built-in reason to connect with kids outside of the twin unit.
• Resist the urge to always invite both. When one twin gets an invitation to something, let them go solo if the invite was just for them. It’s good practice for both of them.

When Your Twins Are in Separate Classes for the First TimeSeparate classrooms can feel like a big deal, especially if your twins have been together since preschool. For some twins, it’ll be a non-event. For others (like one of our girls), it can feel like a lot to handle at first.

The good news is that it almost always gets better. Our daughter who struggled eventually found her footing. It just took some time. By giving her that small lunch connection with her sister early on, and by celebrating every small social win she had in her own class, she gradually built the confidence to own her own social world.

💡 Quick Tips for the Transition to Separate Classes:

• If the school allows it, let them have lunch together at first as a comfort bridge
• Celebrate what each twin is doing in their own class, separately
• Avoid constantly comparing their social progress to each other
• Give the more dependent twin extra one-on-one time with you so they feel secure
• Be patient. What feels hard in October often looks completely different by February What About the Twin Who’s Doing Just Fine?Don’t forget about the twin who’s thriving independently. It’s easy to pour your energy into the one who’s struggling and assume the other one has it all figured out. But that independent twin still benefits from you paying attention to their friendships too.

Check in with them. Celebrate their new friends. Ask about their classmates by name. Let them know you’re interested in their individual social world, not just managing the logistics of two kids at once. That attention matters more than you might think.

The Long Game: It’s Worth ItOur girls eventually ended up back in the same class after those early elementary years, and they stayed together through most of school. But those separate years shaped them in ways that still show up today. The daughter who struggled learned, slowly but surely, that she could walk into a room without her sister and be just fine. That’s a gift that lasts way beyond elementary school.

When you think about it, helping your twins build their own social circles isn’t about separating them. It’s about making sure that when life pulls them in different directions (and it will), each of them has what they need to land on their feet.

That’s worth a little awkwardness at a few early playdates.

The post How to Handle Separate Playdates for Twins (Tips for Social Independence) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Teaching one kid to brush their teeth is a project. Teaching two at the same time? That’s a whole different level of logistics, patience, and toothpaste on the mirror.

But here’s the good news: with twins, you actually have a built-in secret weapon. They have each other. And if you play it right, that sibling dynamic can make the whole learning process a lot smoother than you’d expect.

⚡ Quick Takeaways:

• Start brushing as soon as your twins’ first teeth appear
• Model the behavior yourself, side by side with your kids
• Use the twin dynamic to your advantage with friendly competition and mimicking
• Establish a consistent routine so brushing becomes automatic, not a battle
• Supervise brushing until around age 7-8, even when they think they’ve got it When Should You Start Brushing Your Twins’ Teeth?The answer is simple: as soon as those first little teeth show up. I started brushing my girls’ teeth right when they began coming in. Even if it’s just one tiny tooth poking through, it needs to be cleaned.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, you should begin brushing with a small smear of fluoride toothpaste as soon as the first tooth erupts. That’s earlier than a lot of parents realize. Your pediatric dentist will tell you the same thing at your twins’ first dental visit, which should happen by their first birthday.

Yes, that means you’re doing all the brushing at first. Both kids. Every morning and every night. It’s a workout. But building the habit early pays off big when they’re ready to start doing it themselves.

The Best Strategy: Model It Side by SideOne of my favorite discoveries during the tooth-brushing years was this: showing my girls how to brush was a hundred times more effective than just telling them what to do.

Instead of standing behind them and directing traffic, I’d get right there at the sink with them and brush my own teeth at the same time. They’d watch me, copy me, and actually enjoy it. There’s something about seeing Dad do it that makes kids want to do it too. Monkey see, monkey do is basically the twin parenting playbook for the early years.

We had one sink, so we’d take turns, but I always made sure I was brushing alongside them during the learning phase. It turned a potential nightly struggle into a little routine we actually shared together. If you have two sinks in your bathroom, even better. You can line all three of you up and go at it simultaneously.

How Twins Actually Make This EasierHere’s something singleton parents don’t get to experience: the twin mimicking effect. Your twins watch each other constantly. If one of them picks up the toothbrush and starts going to town, the other one almost always wants to do the same thing.

Use that. When one twin is doing a great job brushing, point it out (gently, without turning it into a shame situation for the other). Your twins might naturally push each other to do better just because they’re wired to keep pace with their sibling.

A little friendly competition can work too. “Who can brush the longest?” or “Let’s see who can get all the way to the back teeth!” can turn a mundane task into a game. Just keep it lighthearted. The goal is enthusiasm, not anxiety.

Age-by-Age Guide: What to Expect at Each Stage12-24 Months: You’re Doing All the WorkAt this age, you’re brushing their teeth for them. Both kids. Get a soft-bristled infant toothbrush and a tiny smear of fluoride toothpaste (about the size of a grain of rice) for each twin. Let them hold the toothbrush first so it feels familiar, then take over and do the actual brushing.

Your twins might squirm, fuss, or clamp their mouths shut like little safes. That’s normal. Keep it quick, keep it consistent, and keep your sense of humor intact.

2-3 Years: Let Them Try FirstAround age two, your twins will probably want to brush themselves. Let them. Give each twin their own toothbrush and let them go at it for a minute. Then you go in and finish the job. This is the “you get a turn, then I get a turn” phase.

The American Dental Association recommends using a pea-sized amount of fluoride toothpaste starting at age three. Before that, stick with the tiny smear.

3-5 Years: More Independence, Still SupervisedThis is when the side-by-side modeling really shines. Brush your teeth right along with them every morning and night. They’ll imitate your technique without you having to narrate every step. Make it part of the routine and they’ll start asking to brush on their own.

Your twins might get competitive with each other at this age, which works in your favor. If one twin is enthusiastically brushing, the other one usually follows suit pretty quickly.

6-7 Years: Building Real IndependenceBy this stage, your twins can handle most of the brushing themselves. But don’t disappear yet. Most dentists recommend supervising brushing until around age 7 or 8, because kids’ fine motor skills aren’t fully developed enough to do a thorough job on their own before then. You’re still the quality control department, even if they’re running the show.

How to Supervise Two Kids at the Same Time Without Losing Your MindManaging two kids at the sink simultaneously takes a little choreography. Here’s what tends to work well:

• Stagger the turns if you have one sink. Let Twin A brush while you help Twin B with rinsing or getting their toothbrush ready. Then switch. It keeps both kids engaged without a traffic jam at the faucet.
• Give each twin their own clearly labeled toothbrush. Different colors, different characters, whatever helps them know which is theirs. Shared toothbrushes are a germ nightmare and also a source of surprisingly intense sibling conflict.
• Use a two-minute timer. A simple sand timer or a toothbrushing app on your phone gives both twins a visual cue for how long they need to brush. It takes the argument off the table. Lots of kids’ electric toothbrushes have built-in timers too, which makes this even easier.
• Do your own brushing at the same time. When you’re modeling alongside them, you’re naturally supervising both kids while also getting your own routine done. Efficiency at its finest.
• Do a “check” at the end. Make it a fun ritual where you inspect each other’s teeth. Let them check yours too. It keeps the atmosphere light and gives you a chance to spot any spots they missed.

⚠️ Dental Health Reminders for Twin Parents:

• Schedule your twins’ first dental visit by their first birthday
• Brush twice daily, every day, no exceptions
• Use fluoride toothpaste in the right amount for their age (smear for under 3, pea-sized for 3 and up)
• Never let twins share toothbrushes
• Replace toothbrushes every 3-4 months or after illness

Always consult your pediatric dentist about your twins’ specific dental needs.

What to Do When One Twin Cooperates and the Other Doesn’tIt’s going to happen. One of your twins will open wide like a champ while the other clamps their mouth shut and turns it into a full negotiation. This is one of those classic twin parenting moments where having two kids the same age is equal parts hilarious and maddening.

A few things that help:

• Let the cooperative twin go first so the reluctant one can watch and (hopefully) get on board
• Avoid making a big deal out of the resistance, which tends to make it worse
• Try a different toothpaste flavor. Sometimes that’s genuinely all it takes
• Give the resistant twin a choice: “Do you want to brush the top teeth first or the bottom?” Giving them some control can defuse the standoff
• Stay calm and consistent. The routine will eventually win

Of course, if one twin is consistently refusing and it’s becoming a daily battle, it’s worth mentioning to your pediatric dentist. They’ve seen it all and usually have great ideas.

Making It a Routine That SticksThe single biggest factor in getting twins to brush well is consistency. When brushing happens at the same time, in the same place, as part of the same sequence every single day, it stops being something you have to convince them to do. It just becomes what happens after bath time and before bed. No debate required.

Tie it to something that already happens every day. Morning: wake up, get dressed, brush teeth. Night: bath, pajamas, brush teeth, books, bed. When it’s part of a predictable sequence, your twins will almost start doing it on autopilot. (Almost.)

The side-by-side modeling I did with my girls was a huge part of why the routine stuck. They weren’t watching me brush from across the bathroom. We were right there together, doing the same thing at the same time. It felt like something we did as a family, not a chore I was forcing on them.

The Right Tools Make a DifferenceYou don’t need much, but having the right gear helps. Here’s a simple list to make sure you’re set up well:

• Soft-bristled toothbrushes sized for their age (infant, toddler, child sizes are all different)
• Fluoride toothpaste appropriate for their age
• A two-minute timer (sand timer, app, or electric toothbrush with built-in timer)
• A step stool so both twins can reach the sink comfortably
• Two separate cups for rinsing to avoid the inevitable cup-sharing argument

Electric toothbrushes can be a great motivator once your twins are old enough to handle them (usually around age 3). Many kids love the buzzing sensation and the built-in timers take the guesswork out of how long to brush. Just make sure each twin has their own brush head.

Teaching twins to brush their teeth is one of those parenting tasks that seems daunting at first but really does get easier once the routine is locked in. Getting down there at the sink and doing it alongside your kids is the move. They learn faster, they enjoy it more, and honestly, it becomes one of those small daily rituals you end up looking back on fondly.

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Potty training twins is already a double challenge. Add nighttime training to the mix, and you’ve got a whole new level of parenting adventure on your hands.

Here’s the good news: daytime and nighttime potty training are actually two separate milestones, and understanding that difference will save you a lot of frustration. Most parents don’t realize this until they’re knee-deep in wet sheets wondering why their “trained” twins keep having accidents after dark.

Let’s break it all down so you know exactly what to expect and how to handle both phases with your twins.

⚡ Quick Takeaways

• Daytime and nighttime potty training are two completely separate milestones
• Most kids master daytime dryness months (sometimes years) before nighttime dryness
• Nighttime dryness is largely developmental, not something you can force
• Your twins may reach these milestones at different times, and that’s completely normal
• Patience and low-pressure strategies work best for both phases Daytime vs. Nighttime Potty Training: Why They’re Not the Same ThingA lot of parents assume that once their twins are potty trained during the day, nighttime dryness will follow shortly after. Sometimes it does. But often, it doesn’t, and that’s perfectly normal.

Daytime training is largely about teaching your twins to recognize the urge to go, hold it, and make it to the bathroom in time. It’s a learned behavior with a lot of repetition, reminders, and the occasional mad dash down the hallway.

Nighttime dryness, on the other hand, is mostly biological. The brain and bladder need to develop a communication system that works even during deep sleep. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, nighttime bladder control depends on the maturation of the central nervous system, and that simply can’t be rushed (HealthyChildren.org, AAP). Your twins will get there when their bodies are ready.

When Do Most Kids Achieve Daytime Potty Training?Most children show readiness signs for daytime potty training somewhere between 18 months and 3 years old. With twins, your girls (or boys) might hit that window at different times, even if they’re identical.

Signs your twins might be ready for daytime training include:

• Staying dry for at least two hours at a stretch
• Showing interest in the toilet or in wearing underwear
• Being able to follow simple two-step instructions
• Pulling pants up and down with some independence
• Telling you (or showing obvious signs) that they’ve gone or need to go

One of the most common questions I hear from twin dads is whether to train both twins at the same time. In my experience, and from talking with lots of other twin parents, training them together tends to work well. The built-in peer pressure of seeing a sibling use the potty is a surprisingly powerful motivator. Your twins might actually encourage each other in ways that no reward chart ever could.

Tips for Successful Daytime Potty Training with TwinsDaytime training with twins takes some extra planning, but it’s very doable. Here are the strategies that tend to work best.

Use a Consistent SchedulePut both twins on the potty at the same intervals throughout the day, typically every 1.5 to 2 hours. This takes the guesswork out of it and builds a routine quickly. Yes, you’ll be making a lot of bathroom trips. Think of it as your new cardio.

Get Two Potty Seats or Training ToiletsWith twins, you absolutely need two potties. When one twin needs to go, the other will too, guaranteed. Having them both available means no waiting, no accidents because someone was holding the only seat, and a lot less chaos overall.

Celebrate Both Twins, Even When Progress DiffersYour twins might not train at the same pace. One might take to it immediately while the other resists for weeks. Avoid comparing their progress out loud, even in positive ways. Each twin needs to feel celebrated for their own wins without feeling pressure from their sibling’s performance.

Keep It Low-Key and PositiveAccidents will happen, and that’s okay. React calmly, clean up without drama, and move on. Your twins will pick up on your energy, so keeping things light and encouraging goes a long way. Sticker charts and small rewards can help, but the real magic is consistent, positive reinforcement.

When Does Nighttime Potty Training Usually Happen?Here’s where parents often get tripped up: nighttime dryness typically comes much later than daytime dryness, sometimes by a year or more.

Research shows that most children achieve consistent nighttime dryness somewhere between ages 3 and 5, but many perfectly healthy kids continue to wet the bed occasionally up to age 7 (National Institute of Child Health and Human Development). Bedwetting before age 5 is generally considered developmentally normal and not something to be concerned about.

With twins, you may find that one twin achieves nighttime dryness well before the other. This can feel tricky to manage, especially if both twins are sharing a room and one is waking up with wet sheets. But try to resist putting pressure on the twin who isn’t there yet. Their body is simply still developing that bladder-brain connection during sleep.

⚠️ When to Talk to Your Pediatrician About Bedwetting

Bedwetting is usually just a developmental phase, but there are times to loop in your doctor. Reach out if:

• Your child was consistently dry at night for 6+ months and then starts wetting the bed again (regression)
• Bedwetting is accompanied by daytime accidents, urgency, or pain
• Your child is over 7 years old and still wetting the bed regularly
• Your child seems distressed or embarrassed about it

Always consult with your pediatrician about your twins’ specific situation. They can rule out any underlying issues and offer guidance tailored to your kids.

How to Approach Nighttime Potty Training for TwinsUnlike daytime training, you can’t really “teach” nighttime dryness the same way. But there are things you can do to set your twins up for success and make the process smoother for everyone.

Watch for Natural Readiness SignsBefore you ditch the overnight diapers or Pull-Ups, look for these signs that your twins might be ready:

• Waking up dry most mornings for at least a week or two in a row
• Waking up during the night on their own to use the bathroom
• Having dry Pull-Ups consistently when you check in the morning
• Expressing interest in sleeping without a diaper

When your twins show these signs consistently, that’s your green light to try going diaper-free at night. If only one twin is showing readiness, you can absolutely transition one and keep the other in a Pull-Up a while longer. There’s no rule that says they have to do everything simultaneously.

Limit Fluids Before Bed (But Don’t Eliminate Them)A practical step that many parents find helpful is reducing fluid intake in the hour or two before bedtime. This doesn’t mean cutting off water entirely, just being mindful about big cups of juice or milk right before lights out. Your twins should always have access to water if they’re genuinely thirsty.

Make a Bathroom Trip Part of the Bedtime RoutineBuild a potty stop right into the bedtime routine before your twins get into bed. Make it as automatic as brushing teeth. Over time, this becomes second nature and helps reduce middle-of-the-night urgency.

Protect the MattressesThis one is non-negotiable: get waterproof mattress covers for both beds. Accidents will happen, especially in the early stages of nighttime training. A good waterproof cover means a quick sheet change instead of a full mattress-soaking disaster at 2 a.m. Do yourself the favor now.

Some parents swear by the double-layer trick: waterproof cover, sheet, another waterproof cover, another sheet. When an accident happens in the night, you just strip the top layer and both kids are back in bed in minutes. Genius, and highly recommended.

Don’t Do Scheduled “Lifting”Some parents try “lifting,” which means waking a sleeping child to take them to the bathroom before the parent goes to bed. While it can prevent accidents in the short term, pediatric experts generally recommend letting your child develop the ability to wake on their own rather than relying on parent-initiated trips (Pampers/AAP guidance). For most kids, including twins, it’s better to let the process happen naturally rather than rely on nightly wake-up calls that disrupt everyone’s sleep.

What If One Twin Trains Faster Than the Other?This is one of the most common twin-specific challenges with potty training, and it happens all the time, even with identical twins who share the exact same genetics. Development isn’t a race, and each child’s body matures at its own pace.

Resist the urge to use the faster twin as a measuring stick for the other. Comments like “Your sister can do it, why can’t you?” tend to backfire and create anxiety, which can actually slow things down. Instead, focus each twin on their own personal progress and celebrate every step forward, no matter how small.

If your twins share a room and one is in diapers while the other is in underwear, that’s fine. Handle it matter-of-factly. Kids generally accept practical realities without too much drama when parents model a calm, no-big-deal attitude.

Managing Twin-Specific Nighttime ChallengesWith twins sharing a room, a nighttime accident can sometimes wake up both kids. Your twins might stir each other, call out, or turn a two-minute cleanup into a full family production at midnight. A few things that can help:

• Keep a small nightlight in the room so a twin who wakes up to use the bathroom can navigate without turning on the overhead light and waking their sibling
• Practice the bathroom trip in the dark (or near-dark) during the day so it becomes familiar
• Keep spare sheets and pajamas within easy reach so middle-of-the-night changes are quick and quiet
• Use a white noise machine to help the non-wet twin sleep through any disruption

Of course, some nights none of that matters and you’ll end up with two wide-awake four-year-olds at 1 a.m. who want a snack and to tell you about their dreams. That’s just twins being twins. You’ll laugh about it later. (Probably.)

A Quick Timeline to Keep in Mind⏰ Potty Training Milestones for Twins

• 18 months to 3 years: Watch for daytime readiness signs, begin daytime training when both (or one) twin is ready
• 2 to 4 years: Most twins achieve consistent daytime dryness in this window
• 3 to 5 years: Nighttime dryness often begins to develop; watch for dry mornings as a signal
• Up to age 7: Occasional nighttime bedwetting is still developmentally normal Keep in mind these are general ranges. Your twins may hit these milestones earlier or later, and that’s okay. The goal is progress over time, not perfection on a schedule.

The Bottom Line on Potty Training TwinsDaytime and nighttime potty training are two distinct journeys, and treating them separately will make the whole process a lot less stressful for you and your twins. Daytime training is something you actively teach. Nighttime dryness is something you support while your twins’ bodies do the developmental work on their own timeline.

With twins, there’s the added layer of two kids potentially moving through these milestones at different paces. Lean into a relaxed, supportive approach, protect those mattresses, stock up on extra sheets, and trust the process. You’ve already tackled some of the hardest parts of raising twins. This one is very manageable.

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One of my twin daughters developed a fear of the dark around age three. Within a week, her sister had it too.

This is the twin parent reality: fears multiply faster than you can buy nightlights.

When twins share a bedroom, developmental fears like monsters under the bed, scary shadows, or loud noises don’t stay contained to one child. They bounce back and forth, amplify, and suddenly you’ve got two terrified kids who won’t sleep without every light in the house blazing.

The good news? You can use the twin dynamic to your advantage here. The same bond that spreads fear can also build courage.

Quick Takeaways Twins often mirror each other’s fears, making shared bedroom anxieties more intense * The buddy system works both ways: they can also reassure and support each other * Consistency between both twins prevents playing one fear against the other * Most childhood fears peak between ages 3-6 and gradually resolve with patient support * Never dismiss or shame fears*, even when they seem irrational or copied from their twin

Why Twin Fears Feed Off Each OtherWhen one of my girls would hear a strange noise at night, she’d immediately look to her sister for confirmation. “Did you hear that?” And suddenly, a creaky floorboard became a validated threat because both of them heard it.

Twins provide social proof for each other. Research shows that children learn fear responses through observation, particularly from peers (Journal of Child Psychology, 2023). Your twins are the ultimate peers, spending more waking hours together than with anyone else.

In our house, this played out predictably:

• Twin A sees a shadow that looks scary
• Twin A gasps or shows fear
• Twin B immediately looks where Twin A is looking
• Twin B’s imagination fills in the threat
• Both twins are now convinced something scary exists

The shared bedroom intensifies this because they’re experiencing the same environment, the same darkness, the same sounds. There’s no escaping to separate spaces to calm down independently.

The Advantage: Built-In Courage BuddiesHere’s what surprised me. Once we reframed the situation, the same twin dynamic that spread fear also spread bravery.

Your twins have a fearless companion right there in the room with them. When one of my daughters would get scared, I started highlighting how her sister was right there. “Look, your sister is safe. She’s okay. You’re both okay together.”

We turned their shared space into a team headquarters rather than a scary place they had to endure alone.

Some strategies that worked:

Let them problem-solve together. When both girls complained about monsters, I asked them what would keep monsters away. They decided on a “No Monsters Allowed” sign they decorated themselves and hung on their door. Did it objectively change anything? No. But they created the solution together, which gave them joint ownership of their safety.

Assign protective roles. One twin became the “shadow expert” who would explain what caused scary shadows. The other became the “sound detective” who identified nighttime noises. This gave them agency and a job to do besides just being scared.

Create a buddy check-in system. We established that before calling for us, they had to check with each other first. “Is your sister scared? No? Then you’re probably okay too.” This worked about 60% of the time, which I considered a massive win.

Common Twin-Specific Fears and How to Address ThemFear of the DarkThis is the big one. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, fear of the dark typically emerges between ages 2-4 and is completely normal.

For twins sharing a room:

• Use a dim nightlight they both agree on (we let our girls pick it out together at the store)
• Keep a flashlight accessible to both beds so either twin can check on something if needed
• Establish a consistent bedtime routine that includes checking the room together before lights out
• Avoid making darkness itself the enemy (we needed some darkness for actual sleep)

We compromised with a small nightlight that cast a soft glow but didn’t light up the whole room. The girls could see each other’s beds, which was reassuring, but it wasn’t bright enough to prevent sleep.

Fear of Monsters or “Things” Under the BedOne of my daughters became convinced something lived under her bed. Her sister was skeptical at first, but within days, she was worried about her own under-bed space too.

What worked for us:

• Monster spray (water in a spray bottle with a handmade label)
• Bedtime monster checks that both twins participated in
• Storage bins under beds so “nothing could fit there anyway”
• Reading books about friendly monsters to reframe the narrative

The key was taking it seriously without reinforcing that monsters were real. We’d say, “I know you feel worried about monsters. Let’s make sure your room is safe.” Never, “There’s no such thing as monsters, stop being silly.”

Fear of Loud NoisesThunderstorms, garbage trucks, neighbors’ dogs. When you’ve got two kids reacting to every sound, nighttime can feel like a anxiety festival.

Our approach:

• Identified and explained common nighttime sounds during the day (“That’s the air conditioning kicking on”)
• Created a “sound chart” where they’d mark off noises they recognized
• Used white noise machines to mask sudden sounds (game-changer for us)

The white noise machine was honestly the MVP here. It created a consistent sound barrier that prevented every car door slam from waking both girls in a panic.

When One Twin Is Braver Than the OtherThis was our situation. One daughter was genuinely more fearful, while her sister was skeptical of most nighttime worries.

The risk: The braver twin becomes dismissive or mocking, which intensifies the fearful twin’s anxiety and creates friction between them.

What I learned:

Validate both perspectives. To the braver twin: “Your sister needs your help feeling safe. Can you be her backup?” To the more fearful twin: “Your sister is showing you that the room is safe. Can you watch how she stays calm?”

We never forced the braver twin to pretend to be scared or to mirror her sister’s fear level. Instead, we positioned her as a resource and role model. This actually boosted her confidence while giving her sister a real-time example of someone she trusted being unafraid.

When to Be ConcernedMost childhood fears are developmentally normal and fade with time and support. However, call your pediatrician if:

• Fears are so intense they prevent sleep for more than a few weeks
• One or both twins show signs of anxiety during the day related to nighttime fears
• Fears are escalating despite consistent reassurance and strategies
• Physical symptoms appear (stomach aches, headaches, bedwetting)
• One twin’s fear seems to be causing significant distress to the other

Our pediatrician reminded us that some anxiety is actually protective. It keeps kids cautious. But when it interferes with daily functioning or sleep, professional support might be helpful.

The Consistency ChallengeHere’s what made twin fears harder than when my older boys had similar phases: we had to keep our approach consistent between both kids, even when their fear levels differed.

If we gave one twin extra reassurance but told the other to toughen up, we created inequality and resentment. Both twins needed the same level of respect and support, even if one seemed to need it less.

Practical consistency tips:

• Same bedtime routine for both, even if only one seems scared
• Equal monster checks, nightlight negotiations, and comfort items
• Don’t compare their bravery levels (“Why can’t you be calm like your sister?”)
• Offer the same tools to both twins, letting each decide what helps them

Creating a Fear-Busting Bedtime RoutineOur routine evolved to specifically address nighttime fears while keeping things efficient (because twin bedtime is already long enough).

Our sequence:

1. Bath and pajamas (standard twin wrangling)
2. Room check together (both girls walk through with us, checking closet, under beds, window locks)
3. Comfort item selection (each picks their stuffed animal for the night)
4. Story time (we stuck with calm, happy stories, not scary ones)
5. Lights adjustment (dimmer on, overhead off, nightlight check)
6. Verbal reassurance (“You’re safe, your sister is here, Mom and Dad are close by”)
7. Door position agreement (cracked open just enough to hear us but not get distracted)

The whole thing took about 30-40 minutes, but the consistency reduced nighttime wake-ups dramatically.

What Didn’t Work for UsSeparate rooms. We tried this briefly, thinking isolation might prevent fear from spreading. Instead, both girls were more anxious being alone. They actually calmed each other’s fears more than they amplified them, once we gave them the right tools.

Logical explanations. Explaining that monsters aren’t real meant nothing to a three-year-old’s imagination. We had better luck with action-based solutions (monster spray, protective stuffed animals) than reasoning.

Ignoring it. Early on, we thought if we just didn’t acknowledge the fears, they’d go away faster. Wrong. The fears intensified, and worse, our girls stopped trusting us to take their feelings seriously.

The Long GameMost childhood fears peak between ages 3-6 and gradually diminish as kids develop better emotional regulation and understanding of reality versus imagination.

My girls are older now, and the monster phase is long gone. But we still see echoes of that twin dynamic. When one gets nervous about something new (first day of school, trying a new activity), her sister’s reaction heavily influences her own courage level.

The skills they built managing nighttime fears together:

• Checking in with each other before panicking
• Using calming strategies they developed as a team
• Understanding that feelings are valid even if they’re not always rational
• Supporting each other through uncomfortable emotions

Those skills serve them well beyond the bedroom.

Your Twin Fear StoriesEvery set of twins handles fears differently based on their personalities, ages, and specific triggers. Some twins are both equally fearful, others have one brave and one anxious child, and some take turns being the scared one depending on the situation.

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One of the hardest transitions I faced with my twin girls was the day they decided naps were optional. Scratch that. The day they decided naps were for babies and they were clearly not babies anymore.

If you’re in the trenches of this transition right now, I feel your pain. That sacred afternoon window when both twins sleep simultaneously? It’s basically the only thing keeping you sane. But here’s the good news: you can preserve some of that sanity with a strategic shift to “Quiet Time.”

Quick Takeaways* Most twins transition away from naps between ages 3-5, though one twin often drops naps before the other * Quiet Time can replace naps while still giving you (and them) a much-needed break * The key is consistency: same time, same place, same expectations every single day * You’ll need to adjust your expectations during the transition period (it will be rough) * Both twins benefit from Quiet Time even if only one still naps

When Do Twins Typically Stop Napping?According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, most children transition away from regular naps between ages 3 and 5. But with twins, you’ve got double the fun because they rarely drop naps at the exact same time.

With my girls, one started fighting naps around age 3, while her sister happily napped for months after that. Brutal. One twin bouncing off the walls while the other needed to sleep created a daily wrestling match I was not equipped to handle.

The challenge with twins: When one drops their nap, they often wake or disturb the twin who still needs to sleep. This is where Quiet Time becomes essential for both of them.

Signs Your Twins Are Ready to Drop NapsYou’ll know it’s happening when:

• Taking 30-45 minutes (or longer) to fall asleep at nap time
• Skipping naps altogether without becoming completely miserable by dinner
• Staying up later at bedtime when they do nap
• One twin consistently waking the other during nap attempts
• Fighting you on nap time with increasing intensity

I noticed with our girls that the non-napping twin would literally stand in her crib singing songs while her sister tried to sleep. Not exactly the peaceful rest period I was going for.

The Transition Period (Spoiler: It’s Rough)Let me be honest: the transition from naps to no naps is legitimately hard. You’re losing your break, they’re losing rest they still partially need, and everyone’s cranky.

What to expect during the transition:

• Emotional meltdowns in late afternoon (both theirs and possibly yours)
• Inconsistency (napping some days, not others)
• Earlier bedtimes becoming absolutely critical
• Testing of boundaries as they figure out this new routine
• Your patience wearing thin by 4 PM

This phase typically lasts 2-4 weeks per child. Yes, that means with twins you might be dealing with transition chaos for several months if they drop naps at different times.

The key is not fighting the inevitable. Once a twin consistently refuses to nap and isn’t melting down every evening, it’s time to pivot to Quiet Time rather than spending 90 minutes trying to force sleep that isn’t coming.

What Is Quiet Time?Quiet Time is a designated period (usually 1-2 hours) when your twins stay in their room engaging in calm, independent activities. It’s not sleep, but it’s not free-range chaos either.

The ground rules we established:

• Same time every day (1:00-2:30 PM for us)
• Stay in your room or designated quiet area
• Play independently with quiet toys (books, puzzles, coloring, building blocks)
• No screens (this is rest time, not entertainment time)
• You don’t have to sleep, but you do have to stay quiet

The beauty of Quiet Time is that it works whether one twin naps, both nap, or neither naps. The twin who still needs sleep can actually get it without disruption.

Setting Up Successful Quiet Time1. Establish Clear Expectations

We sat down with both girls before we started and explained the new routine. “You’re getting bigger now, and big kids don’t always need naps. But everyone in our house has Quiet Time after lunch. This is your time to rest your body and play quietly in your room.”

Keep it simple and matter-of-fact. This isn’t a punishment, it’s just how our family works now.

2. Create the Right Environment

Set up their room (or separate spaces if one still naps) with appropriate Quiet Time activities:

• Books within easy reach
• A few favorite quiet toys rotated weekly
• Puzzles or activity books
• Stuffed animals
• Art supplies if they’re responsible enough (we learned this one the hard way)

Remove anything that will cause fights or loud play. The goal is genuinely quiet, independent activity.

3. Use a Visual Timer

Get an OK to Wake clock that shows the twins when Quiet Time is over. No more “Is it done yet?” every five minutes. When the clock turns green, they can come out. Until then, they stay put.

For younger twins (under 4), a simple kitchen timer works too. The key is giving them a concrete endpoint they can understand.

4. Stay Consistent

This is the most important piece. Quiet Time happens every single day at the same time, no exceptions. Weekends, holidays, sick days (unless they’re really sick). The consistency is what makes it work.

If you give in once because they’re being loud or you think they won’t actually do it, you’re teaching them that Quiet Time is negotiable. It’s not.

Handling the Twin Who Still NapsIf one twin still needs to nap while the other doesn’t, you’ve got options:

Option 1: Same room, different expectations The non-napping twin does Quiet Time in their bed or a designated quiet spot in the room while the other sleeps. This requires the non-napper to be genuinely capable of quiet independent play.

Option 2: Separate spaces The napper sleeps in the bedroom while the non-napper has Quiet Time in another room (playroom, your room, wherever works). This is what we eventually did because trying to keep one twin quiet while the other slept was like trying to keep a puppy from barking.

Option 3: Staggered timing Start Quiet Time for the non-napper 30 minutes before the napper goes down. This gives you time to settle the sleeper without interference, then the non-napper joins Quiet Time in their separate space.

According to our pediatrician, it’s completely normal for twins to have different sleep needs. Don’t force the one who still needs rest to give up naps just because their twin is ready. They’ll even out eventually.

What Happens During Quiet Time (For You)Here’s the thing nobody tells you: Quiet Time isn’t just for your twins. It’s for you.

This is your window to:

• Pay bills without little hands “helping”
• Do literally anything that requires focus
• Sit in silence if that’s what you need
• Prep dinner without constant interruptions

I used this time to catch up on work emails, meal prep, or sometimes just sit on the couch and stare at the wall. After months of non-stop twin parenting, those 90 minutes felt like a vacation.

Don’t feel guilty about this. Rested parents are better parents.

Troubleshooting Common Quiet Time Problems“They keep coming out of their room”

The first week, expect this. Walk them back calmly every single time without engaging. “It’s Quiet Time. Back to your room.” Don’t negotiate, don’t explain again, just redirect. They’ll test the boundary, but if you’re consistent, they’ll stop.

“They’re fighting with each other instead of playing quietly”

Separate them. If they can’t handle Quiet Time in the same space, they do it in different rooms. One gets the bedroom, one gets the playroom. Problem solved.

“They’re destroying their room”

Remove anything that can be destroyed. Keep only Quiet Time-appropriate items available during this window. If they’re dumping out toy bins, those toys disappear. They get books and a few select quiet toys. Period.

“They’re being so loud I can’t actually get anything done”

Use a sound machine or white noise in their room to muffle some noise, but also accept that the first few weeks won’t be as peaceful as you’d hoped. They’re learning. Stick with it.

“One twin constantly wakes the other up”

This is your sign they need separate spaces for Quiet Time. It’s not ideal, but it’s necessary for both of them to actually get the rest or quiet they need.

Adjusting Your ExpectationsHere’s what I had to learn the hard way: Quiet Time will not be as restorative for you as nap time was. It won’t. They’re awake, they’re making some noise, and you might need to enforce boundaries a few times.

But it’s still exponentially better than no break at all.

What successful Quiet Time looks like:

• Twins staying in their designated spaces
• Relatively calm play (not screaming or fighting)
• You getting a mental break even if not total silence
• Everyone emerging in better moods than when you started

That’s it. If you achieve those four things, you’re winning.

The Bedtime ConnectionOne unexpected benefit of the nap-to-Quiet Time transition: bedtime got way easier.

When my girls stopped napping, they were actually tired at bedtime for the first time in months. No more 9 PM battles because they weren’t legitimately sleepy. We moved bedtime earlier (6:30-7:00 PM instead of 8:00 PM), and they crashed hard.

Once children drop their nap, they typically need to go to bed 30-60 minutes earlier to compensate for lost daytime sleep. Don’t fight this. Embrace the early bedtime. Your evenings will be glorious.

When Both Twins Drop Naps CompletelyEventually, both your twins will stop napping altogether. For us, this happened when they were both around 4 years old.

But we kept Quiet Time as long as possible.

Even when they no longer needed the physical rest, they still benefited from the quiet downtime. And honestly, my wife or I still needed the break. Parenting twins is marathon-level exhausting, and that daily window of reduced intensity was essential for my sanity.

Even children who don’t nap still benefit from daily quiet rest periods. It helps with emotional regulation, reduces overstimulation, and gives their brains a break from constant activity.

Plus, as they got older, Quiet Time became reading time. Both girls would spend an hour reading independently in their room, which built their reading skills while giving me that precious break. Win-win.

Making the Transition EasierStart before you’re desperate If you wait until naps are completely gone and you’re losing your mind, the transition will be harder. Start implementing Quiet Time while at least one twin is still napping. This establishes the routine before you’re relying on it for survival.

Frame it positively “You’re growing up! Big kids get Quiet Time instead of naps.” Make it sound like a privilege, not a punishment. They’ll resist less if they think it’s a marker of maturity.

Be patient with yourself The first month is an adjustment period for everyone. You’ll miss naps. You’ll feel touched out by 3 PM. That’s completely normal. Give yourself grace while everyone adapts to the new routine.

Celebrate small wins The first time both twins stay in their rooms for the full Quiet Time without you having to redirect them? That’s worth celebrating. You did it. They did it. Progress.

The Long GameHere’s the reality: losing naps feels like losing the last shred of personal time in your day. With twins, that feeling is even more intense because you’ve been running on survival mode for years at this point.

But Quiet Time, done consistently, can give you back a version of that break. It won’t be the same as when they both slept for two hours every afternoon, but it’s something. And with twins, something is often all we’re aiming for.

My girls are older now, and I look back on the nap-to-Quiet Time transition as one of the harder parenting adjustments I’ve made. But implementing and sticking with Quiet Time was absolutely worth it. It gave all of us the space we needed to recharge, even if nobody was actually sleeping.

Your twins will adapt. You’ll adapt. And eventually, you’ll have a new routine that works for this phase of twin life.

The post How to Survive When Your Twins Stop Napping: The Transition from Nap to “Quiet Time” appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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When your twins start moving, they don’t just crawl or walk. They become a force of nature. The term “Twinadoes” is accurate. And just like actual tornadoes, they leave a path of destruction in their wake.

Once your twins are on the move, you’ll quickly realize that traditional baby containment methods won’t cut it. One baby gate? They’ll figure out how to open it together. A standard playpen? Way too small for two mobile toddlers who need space to explore. You need a bigger strategy.

Quick Takeaways* Twins need more space than singletons because they interact, chase, and amplify each other’s energy * A dedicated, safely enclosed play area gives you peace of mind and them freedom to explore * The best twin play zones are expandable, easy to supervise, and minimize shared-toy conflicts * Childproofing goes beyond gates, you need to secure furniture, outlets, and eliminate climbing hazards * The goal is contained chaos you can manage, not perfection

Why Twins Need More Space Than You ThinkHere’s what I learned with my girls: One twin alone might play contentedly in a corner for ten minutes. Two twins together? They feed off each other’s energy and curiosity. One finds something interesting, the other rushes over to see what it is. Someone starts running, the other gives chase. It’s constant motion.

Toddlers need space to develop gross motor skills through movement, climbing, and exploration. With twins, you’re accommodating two developmental trajectories happening simultaneously in the same space. They need room to move without constantly colliding or fighting over the same toy.

The advantage here is that twins entertain each other, which means you can actually get things done while they play. But only if their environment is safe enough that you don’t need to hover constantly.

Setting Up Your Twin-Proof Play ZoneStart with the right space. Some families use a family room, finished basement, or a large bedroom. The key is choosing a room you can see (or hear) from wherever you need to be.

Pick a space that’s:

• Large enough for two kids to move around without being on top of each other constantly
• Close to your main living areas so you can supervise while cooking, working, or doing other tasks
• Easy to childproof with minimal furniture and hazards
• Floored with something comfortable for inevitable falls (carpet or foam mats)

You may need to move most of the adult furniture out and make the whole room theirs. Yes, your living room may look like a daycare center for two years. Yes, it is worth it.

The Gate System That Actually WorksStandard baby gates won’t contain twin twinadoes for long. Trust me. My girls figured out how to work together to pop open a pressure-mounted gate by 18 months. One would push while the other pulled.

Here’s what worked for us:

Hardware-mounted gates are non-negotiable. Pressure gates are too easy for determined twins to defeat. We installed hardware-mounted gates at every entrance to their play zone. The extra holes in your doorframe are a small price to pay for safety.

For larger openings, consider extra-wide gates or a gate system designed for wide spaces. We used a combination gate setup that spanned our entire living room entrance. Some parents successfully use portable play yard panels to create custom-sized enclosures (more on this below).

The gates stayed up until the girls were about three. By then, they understood boundaries better and the constant escape attempts had mostly stopped.

Play Yard Panels: Your Secret WeaponThis is the game-changer most twin parents discover by accident. Large play yard panel systems let you create a custom-sized play area that actually fits two active toddlers.

What to look for:

• Panels that lock together securely (twins will test every connection point)
• Height of at least 28-30 inches (some determined climbers need taller)
• Stable base that won’t tip if a twin pulls up or leans on it
• Easy access door for you to get in and out
• Expandable system so you can add panels as needed

The beauty of panels is mobility. You could set up the play zone in the living room during the day, then fold it up if when you have guests over. Or reconfigure it to fence off dangerous areas like the fireplace while still giving the twins room to play.

Essential Childproofing Inside the ZoneEven inside a gated area, twins will find danger you didn’t know existed. They’re creative like that.

Critical safety checklist:

• Anchor all furniture to the walls (bookshelves, dressers, TV stands)
• Cover every electrical outlet, even the ones behind furniture
• Remove or secure any cords (window blinds, lamps, electronics)
• Eliminate small objects they could choke on
• Secure or remove anything with sharp edges or corners
• Check for climbing opportunities (they WILL use one twin as a ladder for the other to reach higher)

When Twins Team Up:

Twins collaborate in ways that singleton safety guides don’t anticipate. Watch for:

• One twin boosting the other to reach higher surfaces
• Working together to push furniture or climb barriers
• Sharing “forbidden” items back and forth through gate openings
• Creating domino effects where one action triggers danger for the other

I once found one of my girls standing on her sister’s back trying to reach a shelf. Never underestimate twin teamwork.

The Toy Strategy for TwoThe wrong toy setup leads to constant fights. The right setup gives you blessed minutes of independent play.

Have duplicates of favorite toys. I know, I know. You want them to learn to share. They will, eventually. But at 18 months, when both twins want the same toy truck, having two identical trucks means less screaming and fewer toy-related injuries.

Provide enough variety. We kept a rotating toy selection in the play zone. Too many toys is overwhelming. Too few leads to boredom and fighting. I aimed for maybe 10-12 different toy options at a time, including duplicates of favorites.

Create activity stations. Set up small areas for different types of play: a basket of blocks in one corner, a reading nook with board books in another, a small play kitchen along one wall. This encourages them to spread out rather than constantly competing for the same space and toys.

Research on toddler play shows that children this age engage in “parallel play,” where they play alongside each other rather than truly together. Give them space and toys that allow for this natural developmental stage. The actual cooperative play comes later (around age 3-4 for most twins).

Flooring Matters More Than You ThinkToddlers fall. Constantly. Twin toddlers fall while chasing each other, which adds momentum and impact.

If your play zone has hardwood or tile, invest in foam floor mats. We bought interlocking foam tiles that covered the entire living room floor. They’re relatively cheap, easy to clean, and they cushioned countless falls.

Some parents use large area rugs. Those work too, though they’re harder to clean when inevitable spills and accidents happen (and they will happen).

Supervision Strategies That Preserve Your SanityThe whole point of a safe play zone is so you don’t have to watch them every single second. But you do need to check in regularly.

Position the play zone so you can see it from where you are. When you need to be in another room, use a baby monitor or camera.

Set boundaries for yourself too. The twins played independently in their zone for 20-30 minutes at a time (on good days). I used this time productively but stayed nearby. Independent play is healthy for their development, and those breaks kept me from losing my mind during the early toddler years.

Even in safe environments, toddlers need adult supervision. I interpreted this as a visual or audio check-ins every 5-10 minutes rather than hovering constantly. Your mileage may vary based on your twins’ personalities and your comfort level.

When They’re Determined to EscapeSome twins accept their play zone boundaries. Others see it as a challenge to overcome.

My girls went through a phase around 22 months where escaping the play zone became their primary mission. They’d work together, test weak points in the gate, and celebrate loudly when they succeeded.

Here’s what helped:

Make the play zone more interesting than what’s outside it. Rotate toys frequently. Introduce new activities. Join them in the space regularly so it’s a fun place to be, not a containment area.

Tire them out. A well-exercised twin is a less destructive twin. We spent time outside every day (weather permitting) so they could run, climb, and burn energy in a safer outdoor environment. They were more content to play calmly indoors afterward.

Accept that the phase is temporary. By age three, most twins develop better impulse control and understanding of boundaries. The constant escape attempts do end (usually).

The Play Zone EvolutionYour twin play zone will change as they grow. What works at 12 months won’t work at 24 months.

Early walkers (10-15 months): Focus on soft surfaces, sturdy furniture to pull up on, and minimal hazards. They’re not fast yet but they’re unstable.

Confident walkers (15-20 months): Add more climbing opportunities, riding toys, and activity toys. They need outlets for their energy. Remove anything breakable.

Runners and climbers (20-30 months): This is peak Twinadoe season. Maximize space, secure everything, and prepare for chaos. Keep the most valuable items completely out of the room.

Approaching three years: Start transitioning toward normal room setup. They can handle more freedom and actual furniture. Begin reintroducing boundaries and rules about play spaces.

The Real Advantage of a Twin Play ZoneHere’s the truth: Yes, setting up a dedicated twin play space is work. Yes, your house will look like a daycare center. Yes, you’ll step on toys and find cheerios in weird places.

But the alternative is constant vigilance, repeated interventions, and genuine safety concerns. A well-designed play zone gives your twins room to explore, develop, and entertain each other while giving you the mental space to breathe and accomplish basic tasks.

The twin advantage here is that they truly do play together (or at least alongside each other) more than a singleton would. This makes the investment in a larger, safer play space absolutely worth it. Two toddlers who can safely entertain themselves for even 20 minutes is a gift you give yourself multiple times a day.

Your future self, the one who gets to drink a hot cup of coffee or take an uninterrupted shower, will thank you.

The post Creating a Safe Play Zone for Your Twin Twinadoes appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Raising twins is a crash course in everything, including how quickly they pick up on the manners you model for them.

💡 Quick Takeaways

• Twins naturally observe and copy each other, which can fast-track manners and social skills
• Start modeling “please” and “thank you” from infancy, even before they can talk
• Twin-to-twin empathy is a unique opportunity you won’t have with singletons
• Consistency between you and your partner is key as your twins will absolutely notice the difference
• Expect setbacks; toddler twins testing limits is completely normal You Have a Secret Weapon: Each OtherHere’s something I noticed pretty early with my twin girls that I never experienced with my singleton boys. When one of our twin girls used “please” and got what she wanted, the other watched. And then tried it herself.

Twins are each other’s constant social mirror. That’s a huge advantage when it comes to teaching manners, because you’re not just teaching one child. In a lot of ways, you’re teaching two who then teach each other.

Twins develop social referencing (looking to others for cues on how to behave) earlier and more frequently than singletons, largely because they have a built-in peer from day one. That means the modeling you do (and that they do for each other) is amplified in a twin household.

Start Before They Can Even TalkOne of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to start using “please” and “thank you” with your twins way earlier than feels necessary. I’m talking infancy. When I handed my girls their bottles, I’d say “Here you go, please enjoy!” and when they’d bat their little arms I’d say “Thank you for being such good eaters.” Silly? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely.

The reason this works is that language development is built on repetition and exposure. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children begin understanding social language patterns long before they can produce words. By the time your twins start talking, “please” and “thank you” will already feel like a natural part of how the world works in your house.

When to start expecting them to use it: Most toddlers can start signing or saying “please” around 18–24 months. With twins, I found that when one of my girls said it first, the other followed soon thereafter. Peer pressure, twin style.

Make Manners Part of Your Daily RoutineYou don’t need special lessons or Pinterest-worthy activities to teach manners. You just need to weave them into the moments already happening a hundred times a day.

At snack time, hold the crackers for a moment and ask, “What do we say?” At first, you’ll answer it yourself: “Please!” Then hand them over with a big smile. At pickup time after a mess, pause and say “Thank you for helping clean up, girls” even when the “help” made things worse.

A few routines that worked really well in our house:

• Snack and mealtime prompts. Every hand-off of food became a “please” and “thank you” moment. Twins sitting together at a table makes it easy to do this with both at once.
• The morning greeting. We made “good morning” a thing. Two little voices saying it back to you at 6am is honestly one of the best parts of twin parenting.
• Sharing transitions. When one twin was done with a toy, we coached them to “offer it” rather than just dropping it. “Do you want to give that to your sister? Can you say here you go?” Small moments, big foundation.

Twin-to-Twin Empathy: The Real PrizeHere’s what genuinely surprised me about raising twin girls: the empathy that developed between them was something I didn’t expect to witness so early.

When one of my daughters fell and scraped her knee, her sister (before she could even form a full sentence) walked over, crouched down, and patted her on the back. Nobody taught her that specific behavior. She had just watched us comfort her sister, and she replicated it.

Empathy in twins develops through a combination of close observation, shared experience, and what researchers call “emotional contagion”. Essentially when one twin “catches” the feelings of the other. The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry has published research showing twins score higher on certain empathy measures early in life, likely because of this constant emotional feedback loop between them.

What this means for you as a dad: You can actively cultivate this. When Twin A is upset, narrate it for Twin B. “Your sister is feeling sad right now. What do you think would make her feel better?” You’re building emotional vocabulary and empathy simultaneously. It works, and it’s something singleton parents genuinely can’t replicate the same way.

When They Fight…Let me be real with you. Teaching manners doesn’t mean your twins won’t have Wrestlemania-style conflicts over who gets the red cup. They absolutely will. My girls could go from holding hands to full-on screaming in record time.

The key is using those conflicts as teaching moments without turning every spat into a lecture. When things get heated, get down on their level and walk through it: “It looks like you both want the same toy. What’s a polite way to ask your sister for a turn?”

A few things that actually helped us get through the rough patches:

• Coach, don’t referee. Your job isn’t to declare a winner. It’s to give them the language to work it out. “Can you ask her nicely?” goes further than “Give it back right now.”
• Acknowledge both feelings first. Before addressing behavior, name the emotion. “You’re frustrated because you wanted it first. And she’s frustrated too.” This teaches empathy even in the middle of conflict.
• Celebrate when they get it right. When your twins resolve something on their own (even messily), make a big deal of it. That positive reinforcement is everything at this age.

Model It Constantly, Including with Each OtherOne thing my wife and I quickly learned is that our twins were watching us way more than we realized. If I said “Hey, pass the remote” without any niceties, I shouldn’t have been surprised when the same thing showed up at snack time.

Kids learn what they live. That goes double (literally) with twins because you have two sets of eyes observing your social behavior all day long. So say “please” and “thank you” to your partner. Apologize when you make mistakes. Ask “How are you feeling today?” and actually listen to the answer.

It sounds simple, but modeling is the single most powerful manners-teaching tool you have. Research from early childhood development consistently shows that children’s social behavior mirrors the adults in their environment more than any other factor.

A Note on Expectations by AgeKids develop at different rates, and twins can add another layer of variability. Here’s a rough guide to what to reasonably expect:

12–18 Months: Begin signing “please” (place your dominant hand with fingers together on the center of your chest and rub it in a circular motion once or twice) and “thank you” (hand from chin outward). Don’t expect consistency. Just repeat, model, celebrate every instance.

18–24 Months: Start hearing verbal attempts at “pee” (please) and “tank you.” This is the sweet spot where the modeling you’ve done pays off. One twin saying it often triggers the other.

2–3 Years: Expect “please” and “thank you” to be fairly consistent with prompting. Begin introducing “excuse me” and basic greetings. Empathy coaching becomes much more effective at this stage because language is developed enough to talk through feelings.

3–4 Years: Many twins at this age will start reminding each other to use manners (without being asked). My girls did this, and honestly it was one of the funniest and most heartwarming things I’ve witnessed as a dad.

You’re Building Something That LastsTeaching twins manners isn’t just about avoiding embarrassing restaurant moments (though that’s a real benefit). It’s about shaping how they’ll treat each other, their friends, teachers, and eventually colleagues and partners for the rest of their lives.

The twin bond gives you a unique head start. Use it. Two kids learning to say “please,” “thank you,” and “are you okay?” to each other from the time they’re toddlers? That’s the foundation of a relationship that can last a lifetime.

And watching my girls check on each other, say “excuse me” before walking in front of the TV, and thank each other for sharing? It makes every exhausting day completely worth it.

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You’ve probably noticed it happening. One of your twins comes home from soccer practice and announces, “I’m not as fast as Emma.” Or maybe during dinner, one twin says, “Everyone likes Tyler better than me.”

Welcome to the comparison phase. It’s completely normal, but it can be tough to watch.

Quick Takeaways* Twins naturally start comparing themselves around ages 4-7 as part of normal development * Constant comparison can lock kids into narrow roles (the athletic one, the shy one) * Minimize direct comparisons in your language and celebrate each child’s unique strengths * One-on-one time and separate activities help each twin develop their own identity * Focus on personal growth over competition (compare them to their past selves, not each other)

Why This Happens (And Why It’s More Intense for Twins)Around ages 4 to 7, kids develop social comparison skills. They’re figuring out how they stack up against other kids, which is a totally normal part of growing up.

But for twins? This process is on steroids. My girls have always had a built-in comparison point who’s the exact same age, in the same house, often in the same classroom, and looks just like them. When other kids compare themselves to random classmates, twins are comparing themselves to the person they have spent their entire life with.

The comparison thing really kicks into high gear during elementary school. One twin gets picked first for kickball while the other waits. One breezes through reading while the other struggles. This is when peer relationships and visible abilities (athletic, academic) become hugely important to kids. For twins, every difference gets magnified.

The Identity ProblemHere’s what I’ve noticed with my girls and other twin families. When comparison becomes constant, twins often fall into complementary roles. You get the athletic one and the artistic one. The outgoing twin and the shy twin.

Some specialization is fine. Actually, it’s normal. But it becomes a problem when a child feels stuck in their role or believes they can’t succeed in areas where their twin shines.

Kids who are constantly compared to their sibling struggle more with self-esteem, particularly if they see themselves as coming up short. They might avoid new activities out of fear they won’t measure up, or they become overly competitive in ways that damage their relationship with their twin.

Stop the Comparison Language (Even the Subtle Stuff)This seems obvious, but you’re probably doing it more than you realize. I know I was.

Instead of “Your sister is so good at sharing, why can’t you be more like her?” try “I need you to take turns with the Legos.” Direct, specific, no comparison.

Pay attention to how you describe your twins to other people while they’re listening. I caught myself calling one of my girls “my social butterfly” at a family gathering. Guess what that implicitly said about her sister? Yeah, not great.

Here’s what helped me break the habit:

• Describe behaviors, not comparisons (“Please use your inside voice” vs. “Why can’t you be quiet like your brother?”)
• When praising one child, don’t reference the other at all
• If you’re about to say “more like” or “better than,” stop and rephrase
• Notice labels you’ve assigned and actively use different descriptions for each child

Create Space for Individual IdentitiesEach twin needs time to be seen as a whole person, not half of a pair.

Regular one-on-one time with each parent is non-negotiable. Even 20 minutes of focused attention helps. For example, I’d take one daughter out to lunch with me and the other daughter the next week. Those individual conversations are where I really got to know each girl as herself.

Consider separate activities based on individual interests. For example one twin does soccer while the other does gymnastics. You’ll see that each twin gets to develop skills and friendships independently. Sure, it’s more complex logistically (welcome to twin parenting), but the benefit to their individual development was huge.

They don’t have to do everything separately. But at least one different activity gives them space to breathe.

Celebrate Different Strengths (But Make It Real)Kids can smell fake praise from a mile away. Don’t manufacture equivalent compliments (“You’re both winners!”). They know it’s nonsense.

Instead, notice genuine individual qualities. For example, one of your twins may be incredibly persistent when learning something new. She’ll practice the same piano piece 20 times until she nails it. Her sister demonstrates creativity in problem-solving. She’ll find three different ways to build the same Lego set.

Point out character strengths like kindness, humor, curiosity, or courage. These aren’t directly comparable. You can’t measure who’s “more kind” the way you can measure who runs faster.

When you shift from comparing achievements to noticing character, the competitive tension between your twins will noticeably decrease.

Teach Personal Growth Over CompetitionThis was a game-changer for us. The goal isn’t to be better than your twin. The goal is to improve your own skills over time.

I ask questions like:

• “Can you do more push-ups than you could last month?”
• “What’s something you learned this year that was hard at first?”
• “How is your reading now compared to the beginning of the school year?”

This shifts focus from external comparison to internal progress. This growth mindset approach leads to better long-term outcomes than competitive comparison.

One of my girls was getting frustrated that her sister could swim faster. I started tracking her own swim times and celebrating when she beat her previous record. Her twin’s times became irrelevant. She was competing with herself.

Handle the “It’s Not Fair” CommentsWhen one twin says, “It’s not fair that he’s better at baseball,” validate the feeling while reframing.

“I hear that it’s frustrating when something feels hard for you. Everyone has different things that come easily and things they have to work at. What’s something you’re proud of learning to do?”

This acknowledges their emotion without reinforcing the comparison trap. You’re teaching them that different doesn’t mean better or worse. It just means different.

Shut Down Other People’s ComparisonsFamily members, coaches, friends. They’ll compare your twins. Sometimes with good intentions, sometimes thoughtlessly.

When you hear it, gently redirect: “They’re each working on different skills right now” or “We try not to compare them since they’re individuals with different strengths.”

You may even have direct conversations with your own parents or family members about this. Your advocacy teaches your kids that they don’t need to accept others’ comparisons either.

Watch for Warning SignsSome rivalry is normal and even healthy. But watch for these red flags:

• One child consistently holding back to avoid outshining their twin
• Intense distress when a twin succeeds at something
• Persistent negative self-talk related to comparisons (“I’m the dumb one,” “I’ll never be as good as her”)
• One twin becoming overly focused on beating the other rather than personal enjoyment
• Physical aggression that seems tied to competitive feelings

If you’re seeing these patterns, consider consulting a child psychologist who understands twin dynamics. This isn’t failure on your part. It’s getting help early before patterns become entrenched.

When One Twin Has Different AbilitiesThis gets more complex when twins have different abilities due to developmental delays, learning differences, or physical disabilities.

The typically developing twin may feel guilty about their advantages or face pressure to accomplish things more easily. The twin with challenges may struggle with self-esteem as differences become more pronounced.

Honesty calibrated to developmental level is essential. Explain differences in age-appropriate terms. Emphasize that everyone needs different kinds of support. Ensure both children receive attention for their individual progress and efforts.

I know families dealing with this. The ones doing it well connect with other families in similar situations through twin clubs or disability support organizations. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Build a Healthy Twin RelationshipThe twin bond can be one of the most significant relationships in a person’s life. Your goal isn’t to eliminate all comparison or competition. That’s impossible and probably undesirable.

You’re helping your children develop a relationship where they can be genuinely happy for each other’s successes while pursuing their own paths.

Encourage collaboration alongside healthy competition. My girls work together on projects, help each other with challenges, and have shared interests. This builds mutual support that coexists with individual achievement.

Model celebrating others’ successes in your own life. When I’m genuinely happy about my friend’s promotion or marathon finish, my kids see that someone else’s win doesn’t diminish my own worth.

What I’ve LearnedThe comparison phase hit hardest for us during ages 5-7. It’s gotten better as the girls have developed stronger individual identities. They still compare sometimes (they’re human), but it’s less fraught now.

The foundation you build now by treating your twins as individuals, celebrating unique strengths, and minimizing comparison will serve them their entire lives.

Here’s my rule of thumb: see each child fully, love each child completely, and trust that they each have their own path to follow.

Your twins will spend their entire lives navigating their unique relationship. Your job is to give each child the tools to value themselves independently while appreciating the special bond they share.

When in doubt, focus on personal growth over competition, create opportunities for individual experiences, and watch your language for subtle comparisons you might not realize you’re making.

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When my twin girls were toddlers, I’d take them to the park and watch something fascinating happen. Other kids would be running around, forming little groups, negotiating who got the swing next. Meanwhile, my girls would find a quiet corner of the sandbox and build elaborate castles together, completely content in their world of two.

It was sweet. It was also a little concerning.

Here’s the thing about twins: they come with a built-in best friend. That’s amazing, but it can also become a comfortable bubble that keeps them from developing friendships with other kids. I learned this the hard way when one of my daughters had a meltdown at a birthday party because her sister was playing with someone else.

Why Outside Friendships Matter (Even When Twins Have Each Other)My wife and I used to joke that our girls were set for life. They’d always have a playmate, always have someone who understood them, always have backup. And while that’s true, we realized they also needed to learn how to be interesting, capable people on their own.

When twins build friendships outside their twin relationship, they will develop stronger individual identities and more diverse social skills. They learn to navigate different personalities, practice introducing themselves (a skill my girls literally never needed with each other), and discover they can be valued for who they are individually.

Plus they can see other benefits like:

• Each twin develops confidence in social situations without relying on their sibling
• They practice different social roles (sometimes the leader, sometimes the follower)
• They bring new ideas and games home from their individual friendships
• They learn that being apart doesn’t mean being alone or unloved
• They develop resilience for future separations (different classes, different interests as they age)

Understanding Why Twins Stick TogetherBefore I share what worked for us, it helps to understand why twins gravitate toward each other. It’s not stubbornness or social anxiety (though those can be factors). It’s perfectly logical.

My girls shared everything from day one. Same womb, same nursery, same developmental stage, same inside jokes. When faced with a playground full of unfamiliar kids, retreating to each other made complete sense. They had a shared language, shared history, and zero uncertainty about how the other would respond.

Dealing with the Tough StuffWhen one twin is more social than the other.

This was us. One daughter made friends easily. The other struggled and would cry that nobody liked her (even though that wasn’t true).

My instinct was to have the social twin help her sister. Bad idea. This created dependency and prevented the quieter twin from developing her own skills.

Instead, I worked with my quieter daughter separately. We practiced conversation starters. We talked about how to join a game already in progress. We built her confidence through role-play when there was no social pressure.

I also had to accept that she’s naturally more introverted. The goal isn’t to turn her into her sister. It’s to give her the skills to make friends when she wants to, even if she’ll always have a smaller circle.

When they melt down over separation.

The first time we tried individual playdates, it did not go well. Tears, protests, the whole thing.

We started smaller. One twin helped me make cookies in the kitchen while the other read with Grandma in the living room. Same house, different rooms. Then we gradually increased the distance and duration.

I acknowledged their feelings without immediately rescuing them. “I know you miss your sister. She’s in the backyard with Mom. You’ll see her at lunch. Right now, you get special time with me.”

The key word is “gradual.” We didn’t force dramatic separations overnight.

When they genuinely prefer each other.

Look, some twin pairs are truly best friends. That’s not a problem to fix.

The goal isn’t to make them prefer other kids or to force them apart. It’s to make sure they have the skills to engage with others when needed (school, sports, eventually jobs and relationships).

Think of it as expanding their toolkit, not replacing their favorite tool.

What Works at Different AgesToddler stage (18 months to 3 years):

At this age, we focused on parallel play and didn’t expect much actual interaction. We attended toddler playgroups where the emphasis was on free play with parents nearby. The twins got comfortable being around other kids without pressure to engage.

We’d bring toys to share (bubbles were a hit) and just let proximity do its work.

Preschool years (3 to 5 years):

This is when outside friendships really started to matter. We got more intentional about creating situations where each twin played with different kids. Birthday parties, preschool friendships, and neighborhood playmates became important.

We also started talking about friends at dinner. “Who did you play with today?” Not “Did you and your sister play together?” but “Who was fun to play with?”

Early elementary (5 to 8 years):

We advocated for separate classrooms. This was huge. It naturally created different social circles and forced both girls to make their own friends.

We also supported different after-school activities based on individual interests. Soccer for one, art club for the other. This led to separate friend groups that sometimes overlapped but weren’t identical.

Working with Teachers and CaregiversWe learned to communicate clearly with teachers about our goals. Most educators are happy to support twin social development when parents are specific about what they want.

We asked teachers to:

• Intentionally pair our twins with different partners during activities
• Assign them to different small groups for projects
• Seat them separately (not as punishment, but to encourage broader friendships)
• Help facilitate situations where each twin develops individual friendships

When to Get Professional HelpMost twins develop healthy outside friendships with some parental encouragement. But sometimes you need backup.

Consider talking to your pediatrician if:

• Your twins can’t separate without extreme distress beyond age four
• Neither twin shows any interest in other children, even in structured settings
• They’ve developed their own language that excludes typical speech
• Their exclusive bond seems to interfere with other developmental milestones

Sometimes anxiety, autism spectrum characteristics, or language delays show up as excessive twin dependence. A professional can help you figure out what’s typical twin behavior versus something requiring intervention.

Always consult with your pediatrician about your twins’ specific situation.

Keeping the Balance RightHere’s what I remind myself regularly: the goal isn’t to weaken the twin bond. My girls’ relationship with each other is a gift. What we’re doing is making sure they can build other meaningful relationships too.

Some days go great. I’ll watch one daughter happily play with a neighborhood kid while the other plays with a different friend, and I’ll feel like we’ve figured it out.

Other days, they’re inseparable at the park, ignoring every other child, and I wonder if we’ve made any progress at all.

This is normal. Social development isn’t a straight line, especially for twins who have the comfort of a built-in companion.

Be patient with yourself too. Managing twin social dynamics is genuinely more complex than parenting a singleton. Separate playdates mean double the scheduling, double the driving, double the mental energy.

I try to remember we’re investing in their long-term social health, not orchestrating perfect social opportunities every single day.

The PayoffMy girls are older now, and I can see how the effort paid off. They still have an incredibly close twin bond (they share secrets, defend each other fiercely, and prefer each other’s company in certain situations). But they also have rich, independent social lives.

They’re still twins. But they’re also individuals with their own friendships, social identities, and confidence in navigating the world without always having their built-in backup.

That’s the goal. Not separation, but expansion.

The post Helping Your Twins Build Friendships with Other Children appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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That double stroller has been your best friend for two years. But now your twins are getting bigger, more independent, and honestly, wrestling two squirming toddlers into that beast for a quick Target run feels harder than just letting them walk.

Except walking means you’ve got two little people who can dart in opposite directions while you’re standing there with exactly two hands.

I’ve been there with my twin girls. That transition from strapped-in-the-stroller to walking-beside-me-in-the-parking-lot was genuinely terrifying at first. But here’s what I learned: most twins between 18 months and 3 years can master staying close through consistent verbal cues and clear boundaries. It takes patience and plenty of practice runs, but it absolutely works.

Why This Stage Feels So OverwhelmingParents of singletons have it easier here, and that’s just math. They’ve got one kid and two hands. You’ve got two kids who can run in completely opposite directions, both with the impulse control of, well, toddlers.

When my girls first started wanting to walk everywhere, I felt like I was constantly choosing which child to chase down while the other one headed toward traffic. Not a great feeling.

You’re not being overprotective. You’re being realistic about the fact that toddlers have zero danger awareness and maximum confidence.

Start Practicing at Home FirstBefore you expect your twins to stay close at the grocery store with all its colors and excitement, practice in your own driveway. This is where they build the muscle memory without the high stakes.

Pick one simple phrase and stick with it. We used “stay close” with our girls. Some families say “stay in the bubble” or “be my shadow.” Whatever you choose, use that exact phrase every single time. Don’t switch between “stay here,” “come back,” and “don’t run off.” Toddlers need that repetition.

I practiced with my girls every time we walked from the car to the front door. “Okay, we’re going to practice staying close. Show me how you stay right next to Daddy.” Then I’d narrate what I saw: “Look at that! You’re both staying close. Your feet are right next to mine.”

The advantage here is that home practice is low pressure. Nobody’s watching, you’re not trying to actually accomplish an errand, and if it goes badly, you’re already home.

The One Non-Negotiable RuleIn parking lots and crossing streets, everyone holds hands or touches the cart. Period. No exceptions, no negotiations, no “just this once.”

Present this to your twins as a simple fact of life, like gravity. “In parking lots, we always hold hands. That’s the rule for everyone, always.”

If one of them refuses, pick her up and carry her, saying calmly, “I see you’re having trouble with the parking lot rule. I’ll carry you to keep you safe.”

Turns out, being carried is way less fun than walking. After a couple times, both your twins will chose to hold hands. Natural consequences are powerful teachers.

Your First Public OutingsStart small. Really small. Your first practice run shouldn’t be a full grocery trip. It should be a five-minute walk to check the mailbox together, or running into the gas station to pay.

Before you get out of the car, state your expectations clearly: “When we get out, you’re both going to hold the cart with both hands. We’re going to walk together to get milk, then come right back. If you let go of the cart, we go back to the car.”

Then follow through exactly. The first time one of your twins lets go, scoop her up, grab her sister, and go straight back to the car. No milk. The lesson is more important than the errand.

Position yourself strategically. I kept one girl on each side of the cart. Some twin dads have each kid hold a different part of the cart. Others do a “hand chain” where one twin holds Dad’s hand and the other twin holds their sibling’s hand.

Experiment to find what works for your specific twins.

When They Go in Different DirectionsHere’s the twin-specific nightmare scenario: one bolts left toward the toy aisle while the other sprints right toward the automatic doors.

Your response depends on the danger level.

In low-danger settings like a fenced playground, let one twin explore briefly while you retrieve the other, then sit together for a minute. “I had to stop playing with Emma to go get Jack because he didn’t stay close. Now we all have to sit together.” Natural consequence, lesson learned.

In high-danger environments like parking lots, scoop up both and carry them back to the car, one under each arm, regardless of who did what. The rule was simple: if anyone lets go, everyone gets picked up.

Catch Them Doing It RightI praised my girls constantly when they stayed close. “You stayed right next to the cart through the whole cereal aisle! Well done!” This worked way better than only giving attention when they ran off.

I also framed it as teamwork. “You two are such a great staying-close team today! You’re both helping keep each other safe.” Twins often motivate each other when you make safety a team effort.

We find that positive reinforcement is significantly more effective than punishment for teaching toddlers new behaviors. I saw this firsthand with my girls. The more I celebrated their success, the more they wanted to succeed.

What to Expect at Different AgesUnderstanding what’s developmentally realistic saved me a lot of frustration.

At 18 months, my girls could hold my hand and walk beside me for brief periods, but they needed constant physical redirection. Expecting them to stay close through verbal commands alone was setting us all up for failure. Yes, we even used child leashes when they were prone to bolting different directions.

By age 2, they could respond to “stop” or “freeze” pretty consistently, especially because we’d practiced so much. They were starting to understand cause and effect, so natural consequences actually made sense to them.

By 2.5 to 3 years, both girls could internalize rules and follow them with occasional reminders. They understood “if you stay close at the store, we’ll have time to play at the park after.”

But even at three, they were still toddlers. A butterfly might prove irresistible despite perfect understanding of the rules. That’s not defiance. That’s just being a toddler.

Teaching Danger Awareness Along the WayWhile teaching my girls to stay close, I also built their understanding of why it mattered. I’d point out cars backing up: “See that car? The driver can’t see you if you’re behind it. That’s why we stay close to Daddy.”

I’d notice bikes on the sidewalk: “Bikes move fast! We stand still when bikes pass.”

This developed their internal safety radar rather than just teaching blind obedience. Eventually, I wanted them to recognize danger and choose safe behavior on their own, not just follow my commands without understanding why.

Gradually Giving More FreedomAs my girls demonstrated consistent staying-close behavior in safe environments like our neighborhood, I slowly extended their range.

“You can walk three steps ahead, but when I say ‘check,’ you stop and look back at me.” We practiced this extensively before trying it anywhere with cars.

I also used a visual marker: “You can go as far as you can still see my red jacket.” This gave them agency while keeping them safe.

The goal was never perfect obedience at age two. The goal was building habits that would keep them safe as they grew more independent.

The Good NewsYour twins can absolutely learn these skills. It requires consistency, patience, and probably more abandoned shopping trips than you’d like. But one day, sooner than you expect, you’ll realize you made it through Target without incident and your kids are proudly staying close.

Give yourself grace. Use whatever tools work. Practice in safe spaces. Follow through with consequences every single time. Celebrate the small victories.

You’re teaching two small people to navigate the world safely and simultaneously. That’s genuinely hard work. But you’re doing it, one parking lot at a time.

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The transition from two naps to one is honestly one of the trickier phases of twin parenting. I remember when my girls hit this stage around 16 months, and suddenly our predictable rhythm fell apart for a few weeks. One twin was ready, the other wasn’t, and we found ourselves managing different schedules while also trying to keep everyone from melting down by 4 p.m.

Here’s what I learned from our experience and what actually works when your twins are making this shift.

Quick Takeaways* Most twins transition between 15-18 months, but they don’t always do it at the same time * The transition period usually lasts 2-6 weeks of some days needing two naps, other days just one * Aim for a midday nap around 12:30-1:00 p.m. once they’re fully transitioned * Early bedtimes (sometimes 30-60 minutes earlier) can save you on rough one-nap days * Your twins will eventually sync up, even if they’re on different schedules temporarily

How You Know They’re Ready For One NapYour twins might be ready to drop that morning nap when they start fighting it consistently, taking forever to fall asleep, or when one nap becomes ridiculously short (like 20 minutes). With my girls, one would lie in her crib talking to herself for 45 minutes while her sister crashed immediately.

Here’s the thing though. Your twins won’t necessarily be ready at the same time.

One of my daughters was clearly done with two naps a solid three weeks before her sister. This is completely normal, even though it feels frustrating when you’re trying to manage two different schedules. Research shows that even identical twins can hit developmental milestones at different times (and sleep transitions definitely count as milestones).

If one twin is ready and the other isn’t, resist the urge to force them onto the same schedule right away. A twin who drops a nap too early becomes overtired, which paradoxically makes everything worse. They fight sleep harder, wake up more at night, and turn into tiny cranky humans by dinner. I learned this the hard way.

What the Nap Transition Actually Looks LikeThe switch from two naps to one rarely happens cleanly. Most kids (twins included) go through this weird in-between phase where some days they need two naps and other days they can handle just one. This phase lasted about a month with my girls, and I honestly thought it would never end.

You’ll know you’re in the transition when your twins are cranky, clumsy, rubbing their eyes constantly, or getting weirdly hyperactive in the late afternoon. These are classic overtired signs. When you see them, move bedtime earlier that night. Sometimes we’d do bedtime at 6:30 p.m. instead of our usual 7:30 p.m., and it made a huge difference.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, toddlers this age still need 11-14 hours of total sleep in a 24-hour period. If they’re only napping once, that single nap needs to be solid (usually 1.5 to 3 hours), and nighttime sleep becomes even more important.

Creating a Schedule That Actually WorksOnce both twins are fully on one nap, you’re aiming for that nap to fall right in the middle of the day. We landed on 12:30 p.m. as our sweet spot, but anywhere between noon and 1 p.m. works for most families.

Here’s what our typical day looked like:

• Wake up: 6:30-7:00 a.m.
• Nap: 12:30-2:30 or 3:00 p.m.
• Bedtime: 7:00-7:30 p.m.

Your twins can probably handle about 5-6 hours of awake time before they need sleep at this age. So if they wake at 7 a.m., they’re ready for a nap by 12:30 p.m., then can stay up until 7:30 p.m. for bed. Adjust based on what you’re seeing from your own kids.

The length of that single nap varies a lot between twins. One of my girls would sleep for three hours straight, while her sister topped out at two hours. As long as they’re getting enough total sleep and seem happy, you’re golden.

When They’re on Different SchedulesIf your twins stay on different schedules for a while, you’re going to need some creative solutions. When one of my daughters still needed that morning nap and the other didn’t, we’d put the sleepy twin down in our bedroom while her sister had independent play time in the living room (with my wife or I nearby, supervising).

Here’s what worked for us:

• Morning nap twin slept in a different room temporarily
• Non-napping twin got special “quiet time” with books or puzzles
• Afternoon nap stayed synchronized for both in their shared room
• We maintained this split schedule for about three weeks

Yes, this is more work for you. There’s no getting around that. But it respects where each twin is developmentally, and honestly, they did sync up eventually. Most twins align their schedules once they’re both fully established on one nap.

During this phase, the afternoon nap when both twins were sleeping can become a much needed lifeline. That is your time to recharge, get things done, or just sit quietly with a cup of coffee.

Surviving the Late Afternoon Danger ZoneThe hours between 4 p.m. and bedtime can get rough during this transition. Your twins are tired but not quite ready for bed, and everyone’s patience is wearing thin.

What helped us get through:

• Moving dinner earlier (sometimes as early as 5:30 p.m.)
• Going outside for a walk or backyard play
• Giving a small snack to stabilize blood sugar
• Starting the bedtime routine earlier than usual
• Doing a warm bath to help them relax

If one of your twins falls asleep in the car at 5 p.m. on the way home from somewhere, wake them gently when you arrive. I know this feels wrong (who wants to wake a sleeping baby?), but a 20-minute car nap at that time will push bedtime back significantly and mess up nighttime sleep. Your evening will go much smoother if you keep them awake until proper bedtime.

Managing Naps When You’re OutLife doesn’t stop just because your twins are transitioning naps. You’ll have appointments, errands, and older kids’ activities to manage. On days when you need to be out during nap time, try to preserve at least part of the nap, even if it happens in the stroller or car.

I’m not going to tell you that car naps are ideal, because they’re not. But they’re better than completely skipping the nap and dealing with two meltdowns by 3 p.m. If you know you’ll be out, consider shifting the nap slightly earlier or later to capture some sleep time at home first.

We also got strategic about scheduling. Doctor appointments went in the morning. Grocery runs happened right after the twins woke up from their nap. Playdates with other families? Those happened during the late morning when everyone was awake but not yet losing it.

What Worked in Our HouseMy wife and I developed a few strategies that genuinely helped during those transition weeks. We built in “bridge activities” for late morning when the girls were getting tired but weren’t quite ready for their midday nap.

Our go-to quiet activities:

• Reading books on the couch (all of us piled together)
• Doing simple puzzles on the floor
• Playing with playdough at the kitchen table
• Looking at pictures from past family trips

These activities were calm enough that they didn’t wind the girls up, but engaging enough that they made it to nap time without someone falling asleep on the living room floor at 11 a.m.

For room-sharing twins (like ours), the single nap usually works smoothly because they’re already used to sleeping in each other’s presence. But if one twin consistently wakes the other, you might need to temporarily separate them until they’re both sleeping more soundly through the nap.

The Research on Twin Sleep DevelopmentTurns out, the timing of this nap transition isn’t random. Studies show that most children drop to one nap between 15-18 months as their circadian rhythms mature and they can handle longer wake periods.

What this meant for us was that even though my daughters were three weeks apart in dropping that morning nap, they both settled into a solid one-nap routine by the time they were 17 months old. The transition period felt long while we were in it, but it was actually pretty typical.

The key is that total sleep matters more than when that sleep happens. According to sleep researchers, as long as your twins are getting their 11-14 hours combined between nighttime and that one nap, their brains and bodies are getting what they need to develop properly.

Taking Care of YourselfThis transition is exhausting for you too. You’re managing two toddlers who might be out of sorts, possibly on different schedules, and dealing with the unpredictability of not knowing if today is a one-nap day or a two-nap day.

Give yourself permission to simplify everything else. When my girls were going through this, we had more screen time than usual, ate simpler meals (hello, pasta with butter three nights a week), and I said no to pretty much every optional commitment. Your twins are working hard to adjust to a new sleep pattern, and you’re working hard to help them through it.

We also learned to take advantage of any overlapping sleep time, even if it was just 45 minutes to have some down time for ourselves.

What Comes AfterOnce your twins successfully transition to one nap (and they will, I promise), you’ll settle into a new rhythm that often works really well for the whole family. That single midday nap provides a predictable chunk of time in the middle of the day when you can recharge, get things done, or spend time with other kids if you have them.

Most children stay on this one-nap schedule until somewhere between ages three and five. With my girls, we had nearly two years of this routine before they dropped naps entirely (which is a whole different transition I wasn’t ready for).

The beautiful part is that once you’re past those transitional weeks, life gets more predictable again. You can plan your days around one nap instead of two, which actually opens up more possibilities for morning outings and activities.

You’ll Get Through ThisI won’t lie and say the two-to-one nap transition is easy, especially with twins. Those few weeks were genuinely tough in our house. But we made it through, and so will you.

Trust your instincts about what your twins need. Stay flexible when one is ready before the other. Move bedtime earlier when everyone’s exhausted. Simplify the rest of your life temporarily. And remember that this phase is just that: a phase.

Before you know it, you’ll be on the other side with a predictable one-nap routine, wondering what you were so worried about.

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Let’s be honest: even if you think you have an excellent memory, the combination of sleep deprivation and caring for two babies will quickly prove you wrong. Those early weeks with twins at home create a perfect storm of exhaustion that makes even the simplest details slip away.

Here’s the reality: you’re responsible for keeping two little humans alive and thriving, but your brain feels like it’s running on fumes. That’s where logging becomes your lifeline.

Why You Need to Track EverythingIn those first weeks, you’ll find yourself asking:

• Which baby ate last, and when?
• Who had the messy diaper an hour ago?
• How long have they been napping?
• When is the next feeding due?
• Did we give them their medication today?

Without a system to track these details, you’ll spend precious energy trying to remember information your tired brain simply can’t hold onto reliably.

The Simple Solution: Write It All DownThe rule is beautifully straightforward:

• Just fed a baby? Write it down.
• Just changed a diaper? Write it down.
• Put them down for a nap? Write it down.
• Gave medication? Write it down.

Choose Your Logging MethodThe best logging system is the one you’ll actually use consistently. Here are several options to consider:

Traditional Pen and Paper

• Always available, no battery required
• Easy to leave by the changing station or nursing area
• Both parents can quickly jot down information
• Can use a twin tracking log like these

Mobile Apps

• Baby Tracker, Glow Baby, and similar apps designed for new parents
• Often include helpful features like growth tracking and feeding timers
• Can send notifications for upcoming feedings or medication times

Digital Spreadsheets

• Excel or Google Sheets allow for easy data analysis later
• Can be shared between parents for real-time updates
• Great for parents who love organizing data

Shared Documents

• Google Docs or similar platforms let both parents access and update from anywhere
• Perfect for when one parent is at work and wants to check in on the day’s progress

Father of twins Chris Wejr shared that his “mirror was covered with times as we’re trying to figure who fed at what time and how long and all those sort of things” during the chaotic first few months with his twin girls. A visible, low-tech system for tracking feeding times and durations might be all you need.

Personalize Your Log for Maximum ValueEric Langenderfer, a father of identical twin boys, mentioned that while in the hospital, they were required to chart everything, which he found inconvenient on paper. When they brought the babies home, he created a small online database where he and his wife could log feedings and other activities from their phones, including timestamps.

Make your logging system work for your family by including:

Essential Daily Tracking

• Feeding times and amounts
• Diaper changes (wet/dirty)
• Sleep periods
• Medication schedules

Special Moments

• First smiles, coos, or other milestones
• Unique twin interactions (like holding hands)
• Funny or memorable moments from each day

Health and Development Notes

• Questions for the pediatrician
• Concerns or observations about either baby
• Growth measurements and appointment reminders

Parent Check-ins

• Simple mood tracker for both parents
• Notes about what’s working well or causing stress
• Reminders to support each other

Turn Your Log into a Powerful ToolYour log isn’t just a record, it’s a valuable analytical resource. After a few weeks of consistent tracking, look for patterns:

• Fussy periods: Does one baby get cranky at the same time each day?
• Sleep patterns: Are there natural rhythms you can build routines around?
• Feeding issues: Could certain times or amounts be causing problems?
• Growth trends: Are both babies developing at healthy rates?

These insights can help you anticipate needs, adjust schedules, and even identify potential health concerns early.

Avoid Common Logging PitfallsDon’t aim for perfection: Missing an entry here and there won’t ruin anything. Focus on consistency over completeness.

Don’t let it create stress: The log should make your life easier, not become another source of anxiety. If you’re spending more time logging than caring for your babies, scale back.

Know when to ease up: As your twins develop predictable routines (usually around 8-12 weeks), you can gradually reduce the detail of your logging.

Your Communication LifelinePerhaps most importantly, your log serves as a crucial communication tool between caregivers. Instead of trying to remember and relay every detail when your partner comes home, they can quickly scan the log to understand the day’s events. This eliminates the constant “Did you feed them?” questions and helps everyone stay informed without lengthy explanations.

The Bottom LineThose first weeks with twins can feel overwhelming, but a simple logging system will help you:

• Keep your sanity by eliminating the mental burden of remembering everything
• Keep your babies safe by ensuring consistent care and catching potential issues early
• Keep your partnership strong by improving communication and reducing stress

Remember: this intense logging phase is temporary. Once routines establish and you’re getting more sleep, you’ll naturally need less detailed tracking. But during those crucial early weeks, your log will be the anchor that keeps everything organized and everyone healthy.

Trust the system, write it down, and give yourself the gift of one less thing to worry about during this beautiful but challenging time.

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With twins in the house a big point of contention will be sharing.

You might think that the easy way for you as the parent would be to get two of everything.

However, this surely won’t work all the time and definitely doesn’t build character. And as we all know, your job as a dad, of course, is to “build character.” Right?

Twin dad Kris Lloyd noticed that even when he bought “two of everything” for his non-identical twin girls, they wouldn’t necessarily use them at the same time, and “they always want the same exact” item the other twin is currently using. He found that the second item often “hardly got used much”.

This was often the case in our home where one girl always wanted what the other had even if there were two identical items.

So you have to solve the root problem to get a peaceful and happy home: teach your twins how to share from a very early age.

Turn TimerBe careful when trying to force sharing. Instead of forcing one twin to hand over a toy to the other, focus on the concept of taking turns between twins.

One trick that worked for us was the turn timer.

We used a portable kitchen timer as the “turn timer”. When our girls would fight over something we’d pull out the timer, declare that it was so-and-so’s turn now and that it would be the other’s turn when the timer went ding.

We’d set the timer for a minute or two based on how long we thought our child’s attention span was.

After starting the timer, we’d ask the kid with the coveted item: “What happens when the timer dings?” and make sure they understand the turn-taking process.

Yes, your twins get plenty of opportunities to share between themselves and other siblings. However, they still need some help and structure to get them in the good habits you are hoping to help them develop.

It does baffle me that the kids will often listen to a small kitchen timer instead of just being obedient when my wife or I ask them to do something. Oh, well. There is nothing wrong with some extra tools in the parenting toolbox.

DistractIf taking turns isn’t going as smoothly as you’d like, then try the old distraction technique. Say, “Hey, look at that!” or pull out another toy or delicious food item to distract the sad, I-didn’t-get-what-I-want twin.

Wait a MinuteEspecially when your twins are young, their attention span is extremely short. This means two things: First, set the turn timer for a very short time. Second, don’t be surprised if the item they were fighting over is discarded and your twins have moved on to something else rather quickly.

The good news about sharing is that typically, your twins will be sharing better and earlier when compared to other singletons their same age.

Here are those tips rewritten specifically for helping twins learn to share:

Model the BehaviorYour twins learn by watching adults and each other. Make a point of visibly and verbally sharing things with your twins and between family members. For example, say, “I’m going to share some of my popcorn with both of you,” or “I’m sharing my book with Mommy so we can read together.”

Father of twins Tim Robinson emphasizes teaching good manners and communication from a young age. He insists on phrases like “Milk please” or “Excuse me, Mommy/Daddy”. He observes that this approach helps them interact, sometimes resulting in one twin saying, “Excuse me, brother, can I have that toy please?” which he finds “the cutest thing I’ve ever seen”.

Use Positive ReinforcementPraise your twins when you see them sharing with each other, even if it’s a small act. Use descriptive praise, such as, “I love how you shared your blocks with your sister. It made her so happy to build that tower together with you!”

You should verbally praise your kids when they share. That will encourage this good behavior.

Encourage EmpathyHelp your twins understand each other’s feelings. Once they are old enough to express their feelings, you can ask, “How do you think your sister (or insert the twin’s name) feels when they don’t get a turn?” or “Look how happy your brother is now that they get to play with the toy car too.”

Respect Their Individual PossessionsGive each twin a choice about what they are willing to share. Before playtime, let them each put away any special toys they don’t want to share with their twin. This teaches them that their individual possessions are respected and may make them more willing to share other items.

Help your twins understand that some items belong specifically to each of them, while others are family toys meant for sharing. Use labels, special boxes, or designated spaces to make these boundaries clear.

Play Cooperative GamesEngage your twins in games that require teamwork and turn-taking, such as building a tower with blocks together, doing a puzzle as a team, or playing simple board games. This helps them practice working together as twins in a fun, low-pressure environment.

Read Books About SharingUse story time as an opportunity to teach your twins about sharing and kindness together. Many children’s books feature siblings or characters who learn the importance of sharing, which can be especially relatable for twins navigating their unique relationship.

Create “Twin Time” and “Individual Time”Set aside specific periods where twins must share and play together, but also ensure each twin gets individual time with toys and activities. This balance helps them appreciate both togetherness and personal space.

Teach “Twin Negotiation” SkillsSince twins will be navigating shared resources their whole lives, teach them phrases like “Can we take turns?” or “How about we play together?” rather than just taking toys from each other.

Be Mindful of ComparisonAvoid saying things like “Why can’t you share like your sister does?” Instead, focus on each child’s individual growth in sharing skills.

Twins Advantage: Learning to Share EarlyYour twins have shared even the very basics of life since they were in-utero and waiting to be born. There they shared nourishment from mother as well as very tight living quarters.

After birth, your twins will share feeding times, cribs, clothes, and toys. Out of necessity and circumstances, your twins have been sharing from the very beginning.

This is a great advantage to them, and to you as the twin parent, as it will accustom your twins to both the need to share and their ability to do so.

Technically, you can probably buy duplicates of many things and avoid sharing. But that won’t work for everything.

The biggest thing that your twins will share is your time. You can’t buy any more of this precious resource. You will have to split your attention between your twin little ones on many occasions. There are some things in life that your twins will always have to share, and this is one of those things.

We’ve seen our girls have a great propensity to share and help each other even from a very young age.

Take advantage of the sharing situation your twins will have and help reinforce and nurture this sharing characteristic in your twins.

The sharing habit will benefit them (and you) throughout their lives.

Pictures by Nate Davis and surlygirl

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One of the challenges with twins is that they get sick. Sickness doesn’t always strike both twins simultaneously. Your twins will catch a cold, get the flu, have a stomach bug, or come down with any number of other contagious illnesses. This brings up the question: how do you keep one twin healthy when the other is sick?

Is it Worth it?Every time one of our twins get sick, we have to ask ourselves: does it matter if the other kids get sick too? Is this one of those colds or stomach bugs that they’ll get eventually anyway? Does this “build their immunity”?

These are very subjective questions and the answers really depend on your parenting style. Generally speaking in our house, if the child doesn’t have a fever, we aren’t too concerned if the other kids catch it.

That said, when in doubt, always give your pediatrician a call.

Many parents of twins find it’s often a losing battle to prevent the healthy twin from getting sick. Rather than focusing solely on prevention, it may be more helpful to also prepare for the inevitable, such as by stocking up on sick-day essentials for both children.

Father of twins Aaron Ameen shared his experience that since all three of his young children attend daycare, they experience a “revolving door of sickness”. He observed that illness completely overthrows any established routines and systems, making it a particularly tough time for parents, especially if the parents also fall sick. When the children are sick, they don’t sleep as well, requiring one or both parents to take time off work, which creates practical challenges for working parents.

Separate ThemKeeping your twins from spreading their germs is an almost impossible task. When your twins are infants, you can’t teach them good health habits and they can’t take care of themselves.

Toddlers and older kids don’t always practice good hygiene, will forget to cover their coughs and sneezes, and tend to do a poor job washing their hands.

If you want to improve your odds of preventing the spread of the illness, you could isolate your sick twin in his or her room. Avoid sharing clothes, toys, towels, kitchen supplies, etc. that the sick twin uses.

Twin dad Tim Brien shared that when one of his kindergarten-aged twins gets sick, the other also has a “really, really hard time,” and they usually keep both children home from school. He also mentioned that when both of his two-and-a-half-year-old twins were sick, they amazingly tried to take care of each other.

Think SanitationKeeping your whole family healthy starts before anyone gets sick. Teach your twins good practices like how to effectively wash their hands. We like to have our kids sing “Happy Birthday” twice while scrubbing their hands so they know they washed long enough.

Teach your twins to cough or sneeze into a tissue or into their elbow or sleeve. They should never sneeze or cough into their hands.

You should not stress excessively about sanitizing the entire house. It’s okay to let everyone get sick and recover, rather than making yourself crazy trying to prevent it. Balance what is right for your family and situation.

Lower Your ExpectationsDuring a sick period, it’s okay to let routines and schedules slide.

The focus should be on getting everyone through the illness, not on maintaining a perfect schedule. This includes being more relaxed about screen time or a lack of routine.

Keep Yourself HealthyYou are the primary caregiver, and if you get sick, it makes caring for your twins (especially if one or both is sick) much more difficult.

While caring for your sick twin(s) make sure that you do everything you can to stay healthy. Eat well, get your rest, and wash your hands.

If you get sick on top of having to care for sick kids, things will get really tough. The best sick times in our family are when my wife and I take turns being sick. This way there is always a parent available to carry the load while the other recovers.

Father of twins Chris Titus described an instance where his wife was sick, and he took over the entire nighttime shift to care for their twin infants so she could get a full night’s rest and recover. This highlights the importance of proactive teamwork between you and your partner, especially when one parent is ill.

Sometimes instead of an illness, one twin gets injured and the other twin is totally fine. Instead of worrying about cross contamination, you’ll need to shift attention to care and recovery. Here’s an example of when one of our twin daughters needed stitches.

Picture by Kourtlyn Lott

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We’ve got identical girls and often rely on their mannerisms and personalities to tell them apart.

If you rely on this too, or hope to, be careful: twins switch personality traits at will.

For example, one of our infant girls would be shy one week while the other was a social butterfly. Just when you thought that was the pattern, they switched and the social standout would cry hysterically with strangers. Go figure.

We’ve seen switching of twin personalities and traits from an early age in all these cases:

• who is a good eater
• who is a wiggle worm
• who wakes up first
• who takes good naps
• who drinks her bottle in one sitting
• who smiles at strangers
• who makes what sounds (when our girls weren’t talking yet)
• who steals toys from the other

So if you want to keep your twins straight, particularly if they are identical, combine multiple data points in identifying each. Combine personality traits and even subtle visual clues to properly identify who is who.

It is fascinating to watch the switcheroo happen. Just keep your eyes open and enjoy the journey.

Twin dad Todd Courtney observed that his identical twin boys would “flip back and forth” in terms of being empowered or following, with “role reversals that happened throughout their childhood”

Jonathan Snowden, father of twin girls, noted that his daughters, Elizabeth and Lucy, do not “stick to, like, one characteristic or act a certain way” but “interchange with each other”. He explained that one day Elizabeth might be the loud and active one, and the next day Lucy would take on that role, as “they just interchange with each other with their personalities.”

Andy Slinger, a father of identical twin boys, observed that his twins’ personalities would switch over time. He noted that as his boys grew up, they “jumped between different personality types”, with one sometimes being the leader and then the other taking on that role.

What Does the Science Say About Twin Personalities?Personality is about 50% heritable. Extensive twin studies have consistently found that roughly half of the variance in personality traits is attributable to genetics. This is based on comparing identical twins (who share 100% of their genes) to fraternal twins (who share about 50% of their genes). Identical twins are consistently more similar in personality, even when raised apart, which provides strong evidence for the role of genetics.

The remaining half of personality variance is attributed to “non-shared environment.” This refers to unique experiences that one twin has that their twin does not. These are not shared family events, but individual experiences like different friendships, teachers, illnesses, or even a different reaction to the same shared family environment. This is the key factor that causes even identical twins to have distinct personalities.

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Having two newborns simultaneously can feel overwhelming, but establishing a predictable schedule is your secret weapon for maintaining sanity and helping your twin babies thrive. Think of your twins as having a completely blank calendar when they arrive and it’s up to you to fill it with the structure they need for healthy development.

Creating and sticking to a consistent schedule for sleep, feeding, and play will not only benefit your twins’ development but also give you and your partner precious opportunities to rest, recharge, and tackle household tasks. The effort you invest in establishing these routines now will pay huge dividends as your twins grow.

We tried to keep our twin girls on the same schedule as much as possible. We found that helped create a more predictable routine in our home. Here are some things to consider when managing your newborn twins’ schedule:

Choosing the Right Twin Newborn Schedule for Your FamilyConsider Your Support SystemThe type of schedule that works best for your twins depends largely on your family’s unique situation:

If you have helpers (partner, family, or hired help):

• Synchronized schedule works best: have both twins eat, sleep, and play at the same times
• This allows adults to rest together during sleep periods
• Enables tag-team parenting during awake times
• Makes household management more efficient

If you’re flying solo during certain hours and synchronized doesn’t work:

• Staggered schedule might be your lifesaver, offset twins’ schedules by 1-2 hours
• Prevents the chaos of two hungry, crying babies simultaneously
• Allows you to give individual attention to each baby
• Gives you brief breaks between feeding and care sessions

Tim Murray, father of identical twin girls who were six weeks old when he shared his story on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast, explained their feeding strategy. During the day when both parents were present, they found it easiest to feed the twins at the same time, with one parent taking each baby. At night, they intentionally staggered their feedings to manage the workload and prevent both babies from being “apoplectic”. He also mentioned trying to keep their daughter at home on a three-hour feeding schedule (12, 3, 6, and 9) similar to the twin that was still in the NICU.

Example Twin Newborn Daily ScheduleIt’s important to understand that your newborn twins’ schedule is not a strict, by-the-clock routine. In the first few weeks and months of life, your twins’ day is primarily dictated by their basic needs: eating, sleeping, and a little bit of “awake time” for interaction and diaper changes. Their sleep-wake cycle isn’t fully developed yet, so they won’t distinguish between day and night right away.

The following is not a strict schedule, but a general example of a 24-hour pattern you can expect with newborns, based on the principle of “eat, activity, sleep.” This is a helpful framework to follow, but be prepared for flexibility and to respond to your twins’ cues.

Morning:

• 7:00 AM: Wake up and feed.
• 7:30 AM – 8:30 AM: “Play” time (or, more accurately, quiet awake time). This can include a diaper change, a little tummy time, cuddling, or simply talking to your baby.
• 8:30 AM: Sleep.

Midday:

• 10:30 AM: Wake up and feed.
• 11:00 AM – 12:00 PM: Awake time, including a diaper change and gentle interaction.
• 12:00 PM: Sleep.

Afternoon:

• 2:00 PM: Wake up and feed.
• 2:30 PM – 3:30 PM: Awake time, diaper change, and more interaction.
• 3:30 PM: Sleep.

Evening (Cluster Feeding & Winding Down):

• 5:30 PM: Wake up and feed.
• 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM: Awake time. This might be a good time for a warm bath, baby massage, or quiet cuddle time to prepare for the night.
• 7:00 PM: Sleep.
• 9:00 PM: Wake up and feed (often a “cluster feed” where they feed more frequently).
• 9:30 PM – 10:00 PM: Diaper change and a final check-in.
• 10:00 PM: Bedtime.

Overnight:

• 1:00 AM: Wake up and feed.
• 1:30 AM: Diaper change, if needed. Keep lights low and interaction minimal to teach the difference between day and night.
• 1:45 AM: Back to sleep.
• 4:00 AM: Wake up and feed.
• 4:30 AM: Diaper change, minimal interaction.
• 4:45 AM: Back to sleep.

The Art of Consistency and FlexibilityStaying ConsistentOnce you’ve chosen your approach, commitment is key. This means:

• If both twins are on synchronized feeding schedules but only one wakes up hungry, you’ll need to gently wake the other twin for feeding
• Following through even when you’re tired (and you will be tired)
• Trusting the process: your twins will eventually adapt to your lead

When to Be FlexibleRemember, you’re working with tiny humans, not robots. Be prepared to adjust when:

• Your twins show signs they’re ready for longer stretches between feedings
• Growth spurts temporarily disrupt established patterns
• Sleep needs change as they develop (this will happen frequently in the first year)
• One twin consistently struggles with the current schedule

Kyle Mongold, father of two sets of twins, provided a detailed schedule for his four-week-old boy/girl twins. He stated, “The babies are eating every three hours. I think we’re on the midnight, 3:00, 6:00, 9:00 feeding schedule.” He described getting up at 6:00 AM to feed, then showering, and spending time with his older boys before work. He would return home at noon to feed a baby, then again at 6:00 PM. The older boys would go to bed around 7:00-7:30 PM, and he would feed the babies again at 9:00 PM and midnight.

What to Expect: The Reality CheckThe First Year TimelineWeeks 0-12: Expect chaos with frequent feedings every 2-3 hours around the clock

Months 3-6: Gradual establishment of more predictable patterns

Months 6-12: Longer sleep stretches and more structured daytime routines

Twin-Specific Challenges Double the night wakings: Even with good schedules, expect interrupted sleep * Feeding logistics: Whether bottle or breastfeeding, feeding two babies requires planning * Individual differences:* Your twins may have different temperaments and needs despite being born together

Chris Titus, father of boy/girl twins, mentioned that his eleven weeks old twins’ sleep was not as consistent as he would have liked, but was improving. He noted they were entering a phase beyond just “sleep, eat, go to the bathroom”. For daytime feedings, he and his wife fed them at the same time, with one parent taking each twin. At night, they would stagger their feedings to avoid having both babies crying simultaneously.

Tips for Newborn Schedule SuccessGetting Started1. Start early: Begin establishing routines in the first few weeks 2. Track patterns: Use apps or simple logs to identify natural rhythms 3. Communicate with your partner: Make sure you’re both following the same plan 4. Be patient: It takes 4-6 weeks for routines to really take hold

Making It Work Prepare supplies in advance: Have bottles, diapers, and burp cloths staged and ready * Create a calm environment: Dim lights for nighttime feedings, bright lights for daytime * Stay flexible during growth spurts:* Temporary disruptions are normal and expected

Newborn Twins Schedules and YouYes, having newborn twins is hectic! It is probably more intense than anything you’ve experienced before. The first year will test your limits, but remember that establishing good schedules early is an investment in your family’s future happiness and well-being.

You don’t need to be perfect, and you don’t need to follow anyone else’s exact formula. Pay attention to your twins’ cues, trust your instincts, and adjust as needed. With some planning, consistency, and a healthy dose of patience, you’ll develop a rhythm that works for your unique family.

Remember: every twin dad has felt overwhelmed at the beginning. You’re not alone in this, and it does get easier as you and your babies find your groove together.

Picture by Len Currie

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Taking care of one child is already going to require a lot of sacrifice on your end, but having twins is automatically going to double your efforts and your financial needs.

You can save a lot of money if you know where to shop and what you can get for free (or at least with a discount). There are actually a lot of stores out there that offer discounts and a lot of free stuff for twins if you follow their shopping promos and keep an eye on store offers.

While many programs aren’t specifically for twins, every little bit helps. See which of the following could help find free stuff for twins:

Brands & Programs Offering Samples or RewardsThese programs let you try products for free:

Enfamil Free ProductsThere is also the option to become a member of Family Beginners in Enfamil. Enfamil offers free baby products if you sign up for them right after your babies are born (you can inquire about it from your doctor) or you could give them a call to sign up for their membership network. This not only guarantees free stuff for twins but also lets you receive coupons that you can later use for discounted shopping.

Beech Nut Product Coupons for TwinsCall Beech Nut to get a special packet of discounts and some free samples for your twins. Call 1-800-233-2468 to make your request.

Gerber Baby Food DiscountsAs a parent of twins, Gerber will give you coupons for discounts on their different lines of food products. Call 1-800-443-7237 to request a packet for parents of twins.

Pampers ClubEarn points from purchases which are redeemable for diaper samples, gifts, toys, coupons.

SimilacProvides formula samples and a free Shutterfly baby book among other perks.

Retailers With Free Baby Registry BoxesMany major retailers offer welcome kits or boxes full of baby essentials when you create a registry. While most require minimum spending or shipping, they can still offer great value (especially with twins).

Retailers tend to only let you get one welcome box even if you’re having twins. So you get get more volume by trying multiple of these offers:

Amazon Baby Registry Welcome BoxGet a free welcome box (swaddle, bottles, diapers, wipes, coupons) by creating a registry, adding 10 items, and having at least $10 purchased. Available to Amazon Prime members.

Target Baby Registry Welcome KitRegister with Target and add 10+ items, then spend $10+ (you or someone from your registry) to unlock a welcome kit full of samples, bottles, diapers, lotions, and coupons. It’s valued at over $100.

Walmart Baby Registry Welcome BoxCreate a baby registry and request the free Baby Box. Ensure your registry has been active for seven days. Add a minimum of 20 items to your registry. Have over $25 of purchases from your registry, either by you or others. Contains sample products like Pampers, wipes, pacifiers, etc. Availability may vary.

Babylist Hello Baby BoxRequires adding 3 Babylist store items and 3 from other stores to your registry. Then spend (or a gift giver spends) $30, plus a shipping fee (around $9). Includes a great mix of items like bottles, diapers, swaddles.

Macy’s Baby Registry Gift BoxRegister with Macy’s and purchase $50+ of items; pay a small shipping fee ($6.50). Box includes baby clothes, diapers, pacifiers, and more.

Nonprofits & Local Support ResourcesFacebook Buy Nothing Groups/Nextdoor: Seek out local groups where neighbors give away baby items like toys and clothing. These community-based groups are excellent for finding free, secondhand baby gear from people in your area.

Hospitals and Pediatricians: Many provide free samples of diapers, formula, and skincare products upon request. You’ll be at the doctor a lot during the pregnancy and with newborns so don’t forget to ask for samples!

Many local organizations and mutual aid networks offer diapers, formula, and gear for low-income families.

If you need help beyond retailer samples and registries, look for your local food pantries, United Way or the National Diaper Network.

You may receive formula, diapers, or other essentials through WIC or hospital programs.

Where to Start* For variety and convenience: Start with Amazon, Target, or Babylist registry boxes. * Looking for formula or breastfeeding supplies: Try Enfamil, Similac, or Gerber. * Want diapers: Use rewards programs like Pampers.

Want more tips on saving money with twins? I talk more about this in Chapter Eight of my book, the Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins.

Picture by Manda.

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Once you find out that you are expecting twins, your mind races with tons of concerns and questions.

Whether you’ve had children already or not, a twin pregnancy brings new unknowns that frankly can be overwhelming. It’s time to talk with your doctor.

Talking to Your DoctorYou’ll want to find a good doctor that you can trust and with whom you can have a comfortable relationship. You need to feel comfortable asking any questions and asking follow-ups if you still have concerns.

But what should you ask when you go to the doctor?

Example Questions to Ask Your DoctorTwin Pregnancy* What can I expect during my pregnancy with twins? * How will this pregnancy be different from a singleton pregnancy? * When should we expect to feel movement with our twins? * What are the risks associated with a twin pregnancy, and how can I manage them? * Are my doctor visits based on my actual due date or my realistic due date (measurements of both me and the babies)?

Mom’s Health During Pregnancy* How often will I need to see a doctor for prenatal care, and what tests will be performed? * How much weight I am I expected to gain? Exactly what does that mean in terms of how much more I should be eating? * How can I make sure I’m getting enough nutrients and calories to support two babies? * How much water should I drink each day? * Can I exercise? What kinds are approved for moms of “high risk” pregnancies? * What are the chances I’ll have to go on bed rest? * What is cervical length screening and when will you check mine?

Twins’ Health in Womb* What are the possible complications with twins and when should I worry? * Are my twins identical or fraternal, and how does this affect my care plan? * Do my twins share a placenta (monochorionic) or have separate placentas (dichorionic)? * How will you monitor for twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) if my twins share a placenta? * How often will you measure each baby’s growth individually? * What happens if one twin is significantly smaller than the other? * How will you monitor for cord entanglement or compression?

Medication & Medical History:* Are any of my current medications unsafe for twin pregnancy? * How does my medical history (previous pregnancies, chronic conditions, family history) specifically impact twin pregnancy risks? * What over-the-counter medications should I avoid?

Genetic/Screening Questions:* Should we consider additional genetic testing given that we’re having twins? * How accurate are standard screening tests (like cell-free DNA testing) for twin pregnancies? * If one twin has a genetic condition, what are our options?

Work/Lifestyle Planning:* At what point in pregnancy should I plan to stop working or reduce hours? * What accommodations might I need at work during pregnancy? * When should we consider modifying daily activities or household responsibilities?

Specialized Care:* Will I need to see a maternal-fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist), and if so, when? * Should I work with a nutritionist or dietitian during my pregnancy? * What additional specialists might I need during this pregnancy?

Emergency Preparedness:* What’s your protocol if I go into labor when you’re not available? * Which emergency room should I go to if I have concerns outside office hours? * Should I have a backup birth plan if complications arise?

Delivery Planning:* Will my delivery be based on my actual due date or realistic twin pregnancy due date? * What is your policy on delivery timing for twins (at what week do you typically recommend delivery)? * If I’m planning a vaginal delivery, what happens if the first baby is born vaginally but the second needs a C-section? * What type of anesthesia options are available during twin delivery? * How many medical staff will be present during delivery, and what are their roles? * What is your experience delivering twins vaginally? * What are the chances that I will need a cesarean delivery, and what are the risks and benefits of this procedure? * How can I prepare for the birth of my twins, and what can I expect during labor and delivery? * What is your experience delivering twins via C-section? At how many weeks will you schedule a c-section? * Do you have rights to deliver at my hospital? * Does my hospital have at least a Level II NICU? * How flexible can my birth plan be given the unpredictability of twin delivery? * What decisions might need to be made quickly during delivery that I should think about now? * What happens if one or both babies are breech?

Practical Considerations:* What are the signs of pre-term labor I should be looking for? What do I do if I experience them? * What symptoms warrant an immediate call or trip to the hospital? * Should I take any additional supplements beyond standard prenatal vitamins? * Are there any specific warning signs unique to twin pregnancies I should know about? * What are your policies about travel during twin pregnancy? * How will you coordinate care if I need to be hospitalized before delivery? * What should I pack differently in my hospital bag for a twin delivery?

Postpartum:* How long should I expect to stay in the hospital after delivery, assuming no complications? * What are the common complications that can arise after the birth of twins, and how can they be treated? * What support resources do you recommend for new parents of twins? * How will breastfeeding twins be different, and what support is available? * What should I expect for my recovery compared to a singleton birth? * What does pediatric care look like immediately after birth for twins? * How soon after birth will I be able to hold both babies? * When will the babies’ first pediatrician appointment be scheduled? * What are the signs of postpartum depression/anxiety, especially with twins?

NICU Considerations:* What’s the likelihood my babies will need NICU care, and for how long? * Can you arrange a NICU tour before delivery? * What should I know about NICU policies for parents (visiting, feeding, etc.)?

Partner/Family Support:* What role should my partner play during appointments and delivery? * How can my partner best support me during this high-risk pregnancy? * What should family members know about helping during pregnancy and after birth?

Long-term Health:* Will having twins affect my future pregnancies? * What health risks should I monitor for myself long-term after a twin pregnancy?

Insurance/Financial:* What additional costs should we expect with twin pregnancy care? * Does insurance cover all the extra monitoring and potential NICU stays?

Make Your List of QuestionsTake some time to review the list of questions above and note those that are important to you.

Also brainstorm with your spouse or partner the additional questions that you have. Write them down and take the list with you to your next doctor’s visit. This way you won’t forget in the moment what you wanted to ask.

Once you make your list, double check it to make sure you’ve got what you need.

I talk more health care concerns of the twin pregnancy in Chapter Two of my book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins: How to Survive the Twin Pregnancy and Prepare for Your Twins.

What other questions do you think expectant parents of twins should ask the doctor during the twin pregnancy? Leave a comment and let us know.

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Episode 327 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Stephen Dause, father of twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Finding out they’d have twins just after 24 year old adopted son moved out
• Concerns and anxiety about sleep and wife’s health
• Going to the hospital twice during pregnancy
• Choosing a MFM specialist over traditional OB
• TAPS and TTTS monitoring
• At 34 weeks, gestational hypertension sent Mom to hospital
• C-section delivery
• Emergency hysterectomy to stop bleeding after birth
• Dad’s emotions dealing with traumatic birth experience
• Power outage when they got home from hospital
• Taking time off work to take care of babies and his wife
• Child care plans – finding a daycare
• Daily schedule for 4.5 month olds
• and more…

Connect with Stephen via his twin dad posts on Reddit here.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe Rawlinson (Host): Yes, your twin pregnancy and delivery may have some crazy surprises. Today on the podcast we’re talking with a twin dad who shares his experience of how their delivery did not quite go according to plan. Now there was a huge surprise after their twin girls were born in the operating room, how they overcame that challenge and more today on the podcast.

Welcome to the dad’s guide to twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the dad’s guide to twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Hey everybody. Welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re with me today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetowins.com where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes and tons of resources to help you along your twin parenting journey.

Today’s episode is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It is called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins, How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book will guide you through those first several years with your twins to help you overcome the common challenges that you’ll be facing. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at RaisingTwinsBook.com.

Today we are continuing our Father of Twins interview series with the Father of Twin Girls who are happy and healthy now, but there were some hiccups and some surprises that were a little bit scary in the pregnancy and during delivery that we’re going to talk about today on the episode. Today I’d like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Stephen Dause. Welcome to the show, Stephen.

Stephen Dause (Guest): Thank you.

Current Age and Twin InteractionsJoe Rawlinson: Stephen, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age?

Stephen Dause: They are four and a half months. Something exciting about this age that just happened, started happening maybe a couple weeks ago was I noticed they started talking and babbling and cooing to each other just with, and sometimes when they’re both lying down, they’ll look at each other and start talking, especially if we hold them to each other’s face and they just smile and laugh. It’s really something special because that’s something that parents of multiples get to experience, I guess, that singletons don’t exactly in the same way. So it’s pretty neat.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, that’s one of the joys we have as dads of twins. We can watch that happen between our twins. Let’s rewind a little bit back in time to when you found out that you’d be having twins? What was your family situation like at that time?

Family Situation When Finding Out About TwinsStephen Dause: Well, so when we found out, we had recently helped our 24-year-old adopted son move out. He was 16 when we adopted him eight years ago, and we slowly helped him mature and become independent, and we had just sort of become empty-nesters, so to speak. And then we found out we were pregnant, and started the process of welcoming, or so we thought, at least one biological kid into the family.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, that’s quite a transition there between an adult and having babies right on the heels of that. What was the experience like from your perspective with the twin pregnancy? How did that progress?

Twin Pregnancy ExperienceStephen Dause: It was pretty challenging. My first reaction was just anxiety over not being able to get enough sleep, especially because I have some health conditions that already make that difficult for me. And then it quickly turned into anxiety over making sure my wife was healthy and that the twins were healthy and growing properly. She was quite nauseous, especially early on, but throughout the pregnancy, we had to take her to the hospital twice and I guess around week 14 or 15. Thankfully, all she needed was fluids, but she just couldn’t keep anything down, so they were able to give her an IV.

As we move further along, we started ultrasounds to monitor for TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome as well as TAPS. A lot of monitoring things got very hard for her very quickly. I started taking over various things that she couldn’t do anymore or was very difficult for her to do. She also has a kidney disease which made her pregnancy high risk to start in addition to the high risk of the twin pregnancy itself. So we had a lot to watch out for, but thankfully her kidneys performed just fine throughout the pregnancy. But it was definitely, we were on pins and needles kind of throughout, just waiting for something to break bad.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah. So for listeners, TAPS is twin anemia polycythemia sequence, which is a mouthful. That’s just why they use the acronym for that. So how did TAPS and TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome even come up on your radar during the pregnancy?

Medical Care and MonitoringStephen Dause: We planned to continue seeing our normal obstetrician, but I did decide to consult with an MFM at around 18 weeks, Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist, and they thought it was fine to continue seeing our OB, but they did definitely recommend, they monitor for TTTS, which our OB knew about, but our OB didn’t know about TAPS. They were happy to try to monitor for it, but the ultrasound technicians actually weren’t really qualified to do it at the normal OB place. So we ended up transferring care eventually entirely to the MFM. And yeah, we at one time or another, they saw some potentially suspicious readings, then they would take a reading the next week and it would be fine. So neither of those actually became… The girls didn’t get diagnosed with either of those, but we were definitely watching for it closely.

Joe Rawlinson: So were you with the MFM all the way up to delivery?

Stephen Dause: Yes.

Joe Rawlinson: Even when it came to delivery, that same doctor was there?

Stephen Dause: It wasn’t one particular doctor. There was actually about seven of them at the hospital where we were and we would see, sometimes it would be the same doctor, but we didn’t really know who we were going to see. As it happened, our favorite one of them was on rotation at the hospital, which is separate from the clinic the week that we ended up delivering so that was great. We have a great relationship with her. But I guess that was the primary downside actually of seeing the MFM clinic is that it was a lot of different doctors. It could be a little bit of challenging because you never know who’s actually going to be there when the babies are ready to be born.

Joe Rawlinson: I guess if you were able to meet with all of them in one form or another, then at least you were familiar with them at the time. Well, so despite the extra monitoring and some of the extra stress week to week, it seemed like the pregnancy did go pretty smoothly leading up to delivery.

Stephen Dause: Yes. The only thing was around 34 weeks, she developed pre-gestational hypertension, which then led to delivery at 35 weeks.

Delivery DecisionJoe Rawlinson: Tell us a little bit about that. How did that? That just came up on a weekly visit test and then what?

Stephen Dause: Yeah. It was a little funny. The last ultrasound we did, they said, “Well, it took them a long time to find the girls’ middle cerebral arteries.” Two of the MFM specialists were in there, both operating the ultrasound machine. And then they said, “Okay, your girls look fine, but your blood pressure is really high. We want you to go to the hospital right now.” And that was Friday, and my wife ended up staying there until delivery on Tuesday. Her symptoms were not too bad. She developed a headache, some lightheadedness, but it was slowly getting worse. They basically told us, “We want to stop this before it gets any worse, and you go off a cliff and really start to feel bad and develop actual preeclampsia or even worse, eclampsia, and it’s not going to help that much for the babies to last another day or two, and you’re not going to make it to another week. We’re going to deliver you ASAP, basically.”

Joe Rawlinson: How did you take that news?

Stephen Dause: We were at 34 weeks when she went to the hospital, so we were prepared as well as we could be. And we talked to the doctors Friday, and then there were some doctors that visited us over the weekend. So it was a slow transition to realizing, “Oh, okay, this could happen soon. Oh, this is really likely. Okay, that’s going to happen.” And at that point, since we were already in the hospital, we knew she wasn’t going to leave before the babies were delivered and we trusted them enough to say, “Okay, it’s time to deliver. Let’s go.”

The Delivery ExperienceJoe Rawlinson: So when it came time for the delivery, tell us about that experience. Was it going into it? Was it what you were hoping for or planning for, or did you have some surprises?

Stephen Dause: Up until delivery was pretty normal. They, of course, got my wife prepped and took her back there and eventually called me back to watch the delivery itself. And I sat back there and couldn’t see anything. They made sure I sat down just so I couldn’t see anything because they didn’t want me to pass out, which was fine.

Joe Rawlinson: This was for a C-section, right?

Stephen Dause: Yeah. My wife wanted to do a C-section from the beginning, and they were on board with that so they didn’t try to induce or anything like that. We just told them that we wanted to do a C-section and they worked us into the schedule. I was in the OR watching just the doctors top of their heads really. It was really quiet, I guess I couldn’t really hear them talking to each other. Eventually, they brought out Baby A and said, “Here she is.” They actually said her name. They said both names of the girls because we told them who was who, so that was really special.

Then, after both were delivered, I remember they told me that I could go over and look at one of them. I just briefly interacted with Baby A, and they told me that they were having some trouble breathing, but at least for baby A, she was doing okay with a CPAP. So then I went back to tell my wife that. But before I could tell her that, a nurse came over and said, “Hey, here’s what’s happening, Mrs. Dause. Basically, we’re trying everything we can to get your uterus to contract, but it’s not, and you’re bleeding pretty badly, and so we’ve got some more things we can try, but we might have to do a hysterectomy.”

The Emergency SituationStephen Dause: That was when I looked down at the floor and noticed that there was an awful lot of blood, and that was rather disconcerting. Things progressed, they gave her some medication to put in her mouth. She looked over at me and said, “Stephen, are they jumping on me?” And I said, “No, they’re working hard back there, but I am pretty sure they’re not jumping on you, dear.” Although it feels like that. So she was not in pain, but just kind of confused and groggy from the drugs she was given, obviously. And it was, they were doing more than they would have had to at that point for just a normal C-section wrap-up.

Joe Rawlinson: Had she had any interactions with the babies at this point?

Stephen Dause: She saw them when they were delivered, just, you know, like five seconds here they are. But other than that, no, which was hard. So, yeah, and I’d really only seen one. Around the time this was happening, they explained to me that both babies needed to go to the NICU because they needed to receive more care in helping them breathe. They were still both having trouble breathing. I just have a very clear memory in my mind. That was sort of the peak freak out moment when my daughters are leaving. I can’t really do anything to help them right now. And I’m just standing, sitting here helpless as my wife is being operated on.

Pretty shortly after that, my wife is actually much better at telling this part of the story, but she sort of called out to the doctor’s name and said like, “Look, I wasn’t planning on having any more kids. I know you’ve tried your best, but I need to be there for my girls, so please do whatever you can to save my life and do it as quickly as possible.” And so the doctor basically said, “Got it? Understood. We’re going to transition our work to just doing that emergency hysterectomy.”

Emergency Hysterectomy DecisionStephen Dause: They explained that a couple more doctors who are oncologists, but also, specializing in hysterectomies generally, were going to come in to do the surgery and they said it’s not that we can’t do it, but they are the best at it. So we thought, “Great, let’s get them in here.” The anesthesiologist asked my wife whether she wanted to go under and just be knocked out fully because once the baby is delivered, there’s no risk anymore to them obviously from general anesthesia.

My wife actually asked me and I said, “Well, I don’t know, do what you want.” And she said, “I think I want to be knocked out.” And I said, “I think I would want to be knocked out too.” Another memory I have from around that time is when asking, she asked the anesthesiologist, “Is this an emergency?” And the anesthesiologist sort of looked at her warmly and said, “I’m not going to lie to you, dear. Yes, this is an emergency.” At that point, as they started to put her under, I was asked, I was taken out because there’s no real need for me to be there anymore.

Joe Rawlinson: Do they tell you what to expect? Like how long it was going to take or?

Stephen Dause: No, I had no idea. And I didn’t really ask either. I guess partly because the nurse sort of took me out to the recovery room, said, “Here you are. Let us know if you want to go see your daughters and I need to go now.” So I said, “Okay.” Yes, I definitely want to see my daughters. I just waited until the NICU team said that I could come down, and that was about 15 minutes.

Waiting AloneJoe Rawlinson: So you were just sitting alone with your thoughts for 15 minutes after all this craziness?

Stephen Dause: Yes. It was not a good experience. It’s embarrassing, but I asked ChatGPT what the odds of surviving an emergency hysterectomy are, which it said something like there’s a 1 to 8% chance of death even though if you’re in an advanced hospital the odds are probably lower. I was like, “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m in an advanced hospital, so I’ll just hope and pray that she does all right.”

In addition to that, I was texting my family with an update, but I didn’t really know what to tell them exactly because the girls were doing okay, they were in the NICU, and so obviously that was good, but I didn’t know how much my wife wanted to share. As it turns out, she wasn’t very private about this at all, but I didn’t know that at the time. So I also kind of felt alone in processing what was happening because I wasn’t fully sharing what was happening with anyone.

Joe Rawlinson: I totally overwhelming experience because that’s not what you were expecting just minutes earlier.

Stephen Dause: Right. I knew abstractly that it was a possibility that this could happen because we signed or she signed the paperwork and I looked at it and it did mention a hysterectomy as something that you have to agree to beforehand. But I never really considered it or considered what to do, what to tell people if something like that did happen. I wish that I had at least thought about it, discussed it just very briefly beforehand to have a kind of loose plan in mind and be a little more emotionally prepared for it.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, I mean that paperwork, when you read all the details, it’s kind of scary, overwhelming as well, right? And you’re like, all these things could possibly happen. And you’re like, well, I still want to have these babies, we still need to have these babies, so…

Stephen Dause: Right. And it’s not like I’m not gonna sign the paper and go through with this, right? And I guess I wasn’t scared by the paper at the time because no one really told us like, no one really talked to us about this possibility. They might have just skimmed over it, but I didn’t, you know, I signed medical paperwork for all kinds of things and, you know, none of the bad scenarios had really happened to me during surgery before. So I just kind of put it out of my mind.

First Visit to the NICUJoe Rawlinson: So then the NICU staff came and got you and take you up to see your girls. So what was that moment like when you were able to see them again?

Stephen Dause: That was very special and just kind of, I mean, I’m a pretty laid back guy, but there’s a picture of me holding one of them with just the biggest grin on my face. And I was just so happy to be with them. They, by the time I got down there, they both were doing very well. The NICU staff was very happy. They said, really, baby A only needed help breathing with a CPAP and oxygen for a little bit. And she’s already off that and on room air and we’re pretty sure baby B can be in another few minutes. I don’t remember exactly when, but it might have been while I was there, they actually were able to take the breathing tube out and she was on room air.

That was very relieving and just very special. Not how I would have liked to greet them and hold them because obviously I would have liked to do that with my wife. But at the same time, it was great that things had gone well. And the doctors actually had one or two questions for me about how to care for them. So I was glad that I had asked to go down there. I was feeling very grateful and happy and also just kind of taking charge of, you know, from, as a parent of making sure that they were being cared for and answering any questions that the doctors had for me.

News About Wife’s RecoveryJoe Rawlinson: And how long do you got news about your wife’s status?

Stephen Dause: It’s hard to say. It might have been 15 or 30 minutes I was down there. And so on the way up, I got a call from a number I thought was probably the hospital. And I was a little nervous taking that call because I didn’t know what news they would have. But the nurse led with, “Hey, weird question, but do you want to keep the placenta, we don’t have any paperwork on that.” And so I thought, “Well, if something bad happens, you probably wouldn’t be asking me about this.” And so I answered it. We didn’t want to keep it. And she told me that my wife was out of surgery and was recovering and I could see her soon. So that was just a huge, I breathed a huge sigh of relief there. And after that, I didn’t feel like I had to wait very long until they actually brought her back.

Family ReunionJoe Rawlinson: So when were all of you reunited, mom, you and the girls all together?

Stephen Dause: That would not be until the next morning at about 4 a.m. The NICU wanted to monitor the girls for about 12 hours after they were on room air just as a precaution. So yeah, it took until then, but the nurse walked in and said, “Special delivery,” and I don’t remember if I was even asleep. I don’t think I was, but it was a groggy early morning reunion.

Recovery ChallengesJoe Rawlinson: How did recovery go for your wife?

Stephen Dause: Difficult. It was kind of, it felt especially difficult for us because the pregnancy had been so hard and she was looking forward to what even other twin moms had said was the initial relief of just getting the babies out of your body. But even though that happened for her, she felt so bad from the additional loss of a major organ and all of the work that they had to do to cut it out of her that she felt very bad, especially in the first couple weeks afterwards.

It turns out they probably cut a major nerve and so she was feeling real sharp nerve pain. On top of all of this, because of her kidneys, she couldn’t take a lot of the narcotics that they normally give you. She was limited in terms of, well, actually, I misspoke. She was limited for narcotics because a lot of them make her nauseous, and she was limited in terms of NSAIDs because of her kidneys. She had very few options for pain treatment, and it was very rough. It made everything harder for her. Because of that, I was doing almost all of the twin care that required getting up and moving around, really, in addition to the nurses while we were in the hospital. But in short, recovery was very, very hard.

Joe Rawlinson: She was just in the hospital for a few days, and then most of the recovery was back home?

Stephen Dause: Yes, that’s right. We delivered on Tuesday and we went home on Sunday. So it was a couple extra days due to the additional complications of delivery after C-section. But thankfully, the girls got their sort of seal of approval of being ready to discharge at the same time, roughly that my wife did, so we were all able to go home together. Although when we got home, we arrived to a house without power. So that was another fun twist to the story.

Joe Rawlinson: The one unexpected thing after the other. Was that just a temporary thing or was it a longer term issue?

Power Outage at HomeStephen Dause: We were at the house for a couple hours and had no sign of it coming back on anytime soon. And this was in February. And the girls, we were told to keep the girls warm. And we also had some milk that needed to, some donated breast milk that needed to be kept frozen. Although, and I don’t, I think it was actually above freezing outside so we couldn’t just put it outside. So thankfully we have some wonderful friends who have a generator and we drove over to their house and spent our first night out of the hospital at a friend’s house. But power was back on the next day and things quickly returned to relative normal after that.

Joe Rawlinson: Thank goodness for good friends.

Stephen Dause: Definitely.

New Normal with TwinsJoe Rawlinson: Okay, so you said things got back to normal. So this was like a new normal because now you’ve got the twins, mom’s recovering. What was your routine like there if mom was needing to get extra rest to recover?

Stephen Dause: We just took it in two or three hour chunks at a time. I think for the first while, it’s blurry a bit even now, but for the first while, I would, I’m trying to remember if I brought the girls to her bedside or if she got up and fed them with me. I think she pretty much from the start was at least able to move from the bed to our recliner and we would each feed one baby. And for the first few weeks, we basically would take one baby to feed. And I was doing all of the diaper changes for maybe a week or so, a week or two out of the hospital. Just kind of in survival mode.

And thankfully, we had a great supporting group of family and friends who came over to help. It was difficult, but at the same time, the girls were actually still premature, so they were very sleepy. So essentially, they would just sleep, wake up, eat, and go back to sleep. So that was at least one blessing. We weren’t really dealing with any colic or anything like that at that point.

Feeding ArrangementsJoe Rawlinson: Were the babies… Was she trying to breastfeed them, or were you doing formula? What was working for everybody?

Stephen Dause: Yes. So she was trying to pump, and at first that was difficult in terms of the amount of production. Thankfully, so we had hired a doula. The doula wasn’t able to be there because on the day we delivered, there was a snowstorm, which other than her not being there didn’t affect us because we were already at the hospital, thank goodness. But the doula came in clutch afterwards because she had some women who had extra breast milk that she donated to us and we used that supply in combination with a bit of formula and then anything that my wife was able to pump for the first few weeks until her production ramped up and was able to meet the girl’s needs, which thankfully it’s still able to do today.

Time Off WorkJoe Rawlinson: Now, did you have some time off work and have to rush back to work? What was the time off situation?

Stephen Dause: I work at a small company and we didn’t really have a policy in place for paternal or maternal leave. So I advocated for one for myself and was able to get eight weeks of paid leave, which in America is a huge blessing and something not every new father or mother gets. So that was probably one of the biggest things that helped us survive without a whole lot of extra stress that that would have brought. I split it up. I took the first five weeks off and then worked half time for another six weeks to kind of stretch out that time a bit more.

Joe Rawlinson: Oh, perfect. Yeah, that sounds like a great arrangement. So once you went back full time, was your wife still on leave or is she back to work?

Stephen Dause: She is a teacher, so she, you know, we delivered in February, which was earlier, of course, than we initially planned back when we didn’t realize we were going to have twins and be delivering earlier. But she took the rest of the year off and is going to start back in August. So she’s still got a couple months of being home with the girls.

Childcare PlansJoe Rawlinson: What are your plans for child care once school starts again?

Stephen Dause: We thought we had one daycare lined up, but now we’re having second thoughts about that one, and aren’t really on any other waitlists. So my wife is interviewing nannies this week and next week. So my wife’s actually going to be working part-time, so we’ll only need a part-time nanny, which will make it more affordable. But yeah, we’re probably just going to hire a nanny for the first year, and then after that my wife will probably be full-time the next school year and we’ll get a daycare.

Joe Rawlinson: Sometimes you have to be creative in finding how to make sure the kids are taken care of, make sure they’re making it to work. If it’s a daycare, if it’s a nanny, if it’s some combination of those things, you got to do what you’re going to do.

Stephen Dause: Yes. Getting on a daycare’s wait list is priority number one, honestly, when you find out you’re pregnant because it can take quite a while.

Joe Rawlinson: Absolutely. They have to have two spots

Stephen Dause: Yes.

Joe Rawlinson: Extra, extra waitlist.

Current Daily RoutineJoe Rawlinson: So now that the girls are about four and a half months old, what’s the typical schedule like a daily routine?

Stephen Dause: I wake up at 8 AM and take care of the girls from 8 AM to 9 AM, just to give my wife a chance to get some, get at least a catnap in if she’s had to be up with them during the later portion of the night. Then I go to work from 9 to 5:30. I come back. We both take care of the girls until bedtime, although we are intentional about each of us getting at least like half an hour to either take a nap or just do something other than be with the girls or work. And then we both put them to bed at around 7:30 or 8.

And then from that time on, they’re sleeping pretty well. They usually wake up around 3 or 4. But actually here recently, they’ve been sleeping through the night until about seven or so. At which point I would wake up with them if they’re up at seven. On the other hand, we were just told by the doctor that one baby isn’t getting enough weight, so we’re going to have to wake them up at least once during the night to feed anyway, which is unfortunate, but that’s kind of the gist of the day of the schedule.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, just when you think you get them sleeping, something will change that, either doctor’s orders or they’ll start changing their own schedule.

Stephen Dause: Right.

Contact InformationJoe Rawlinson: So, Stephen, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Stephen Dause: So, I’m on Reddit. I post and comment occasionally on the parents of multiples sub-Reddit. My username is just trying to make it 16. And so, you can DM me there or take a look at the different posts I’ve written. I made one kind of summary of my experience of caring for my wife at about 34 weeks pregnant, and then I’ve made three after delivery as well. So yeah, that’s how you can find me.

Joe Rawlinson: I’ll link those in the show notes for listeners if they want to go check out those more details. Well, Stephen, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Some of the crazy surprises, ups and downs. It’s great to hear that everybody’s come out on the other side of that healthy and well.

Stephen Dause: Yes, there were a lot of ups and downs, but I’m very grateful that we made it out okay. And thank you for the interview and for all the resources you put out there for us, Twin Dads. It’s good to have something specific in addition to the general twin advice, so I appreciate it.

Joe Rawlinson: You’re welcome. Thank you so much.

Episode ConclusionJoe Rawlinson: I hope you enjoyed the conversation with Stephen about his experience so far as a father of twins. I’m always grateful for dads like Stephen, come on the show and share their experience with the rest of us so that all of us can learn from each other’s experiences. So once again, thanks Stephen for sharing your story today on the podcast.

Listeners if you would like to share your story like Stephen did today. I would love to hear from you. You can drop me an email joe@dadsguidetotwins.com or reach out to me on Instagram or X I am @twindadjoe and I would love to hear from you.

If you’re in those early months with twins or still expecting twins I invite you to pick up a copy of my book Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. Once again, that’s raisingtwinsbook.com. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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The post Emergency Hysterectomy After Twins Birth with Stephen Dause – Podcast 327 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Hey Dads, it’s completely normal to need support during the twin pregnancy. Yes, support for you.

During a twin pregnancy, the physical and emotional spotlight is naturally on your partner, but your role, your mental health, and your emotional well-being matter deeply.

Here are some ideas on how to maintain your mental and emotional footing during this intense time:

Acknowledge Your ExperienceYour feelings are valid, including excitement, anxiety, and being overwhelmed.

These are all normal responses to impending parenthood, especially with twins.

You’re going through a major life transition too. Your identity and responsibilities are changing significantly.

Doubt doesn’t mean you’re unfit to be a twin dad. It means you care. Good dads worry; great dads learn to manage that worry instead of letting it run the show.

Find Support SystemsConnect with other twin dads who have been through what you are experiencing.

Look for local twin parent groups or online forums specifically for fathers of multiples.

Maintain friendships by scheduling regular time with friends who can provide perspective and emotional support.

Consider therapy if you feel you need an extra hand. A few sessions with a therapist can provide valuable coping strategies for this unique stress you’re experiencing.

Communicate OpenlyShare your feelings with your partner. Try saying “I’m excited about the twins but also feeling [fill in the blank with your emotions like being nervous or overwhelmed]”

Be specific about your needs when talking with your partner. For example, “I could use some time to process” is better than bottling up emotions.

Remember your partner isn’t a mind reader. They may not realize what you’re experiencing unless you share.

Open, frank, and honest communication with your partner will help the twin parenting journey go a lot smoother.

Practice Self-CareMaintain your physical health. During the twin pregnancy, you actually have more time than you will once the twins are born.

Keep up with regular exercise, adequate sleep, and proper nutrition. These will directly impact your mental wellbeing.

It’s easy to lose yourself in pregnancy prep. Try to keep at least one regular activity that grounds you.

Continue hobbies while you can. Keep participating in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Keep in mind that some of these might need a pause once the twins arrive.

Set boundaries since it’s okay to decline additional responsibilities when feeling overwhelmed.

Prepare PracticallyEducate yourself about twin development and care as that can reduce anxiety.

Research is helpful but obsessively reading about premature birth risks, twin complications, or sleep deprivation stories can send your anxiety into overdrive. Stick to trusted sources, and give yourself permission to unplug.

Get involved in twin preparations. Setting up the nursery or researching gear gives you purpose and something within your control.

Creating a registry, budgeting, reading parenting books will help. But leave space for flexibility, mistakes, and unknowns. Twins bring chaos. You’ll adapt. You don’t have to be 100% “ready”.

Learn practical baby care skills. This will give you confidence in your abilities and will reduce anxiety about the future.

Remember You’re a TeamYou’re not just a supporting character. You’re an equal parent preparing for a life-changing experience.

Taking care of your mental health now sets the foundation for being the father your twins will need to be.

Listen to twin dad Steven Driver’s experience of overcoming a traumatic birth experience of his twins.

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When I found out we were having twins, one of my first thoughts after the initial shock wore off was: “Where are we going to put all their stuff?”

Our modest three-bedroom home suddenly felt tiny. But after some creative planning and real-world experience, I discovered you don’t need two of everything or a mansion to raise happy, healthy twins.

Here’s how to prepare your home without drowning in baby gear.

Strategic Thinking Before BuyingPlace to SleepWill you have the twins in your room or in their own room? When you bring them home from the hospital, you need a place for them to sleep. Where will that be in your house? Think through your plans for those first few nights at home – perhaps they will be in your room. Then think about long-term sleeping arrangements – likely in their own room.

Place to EatThink about where you’ll feed your infant twins. Will it be in a rocking chair? In the nursery, or the family room?

You’ll need a comfortable place where you can sit and feed the twins. Make sure this will let you feed both at the same time.

Place to Change DiapersTwin babies go through lots of diapers. Newborn twins can go through 20 diapers a day. You’ll need a place to change them. This could be a dedicated changing table or just on the floor. Yes, you could even use your bed – but remember that they might have an accident or leakage. Do you want that mess on your bed?

Place for Baby StuffYou need a place to store your baby clothes, diapers, and supplies. A simple changing table or dedicated furniture will work.

Baby ProofingYou don’t have to baby proof your house before your twins come home. Baby proofing requires that you prevent trouble that could be within a baby’s reach. As newborns, your twins can’t reach anything and aren’t mobile. If you are short on time, you can wait to baby proof your home until later.

The Twin Registry AuditBefore you register for or purchase anything, ask these three questions:

• Do we absolutely need two of these?
• Will this item be outgrown within months?
• Does this serve multiple purposes or just one?

I saved hundreds of dollars and valuable square footage by realizing we didn’t need two baby bathtubs, two high chairs, or two play mats. One large play mat worked perfectly for both babies.

The Grow-With-Them MindsetInvest in items that adapt as your twins grow:

• Convertible cribs that transform into toddler beds
• Strollers with modular configurations for different ages

Space-Maximizing Solutions By RoomThe NurseryVertical Storage is Your Best Friend

Wall space is often underutilized. Consider:

• Floor-to-ceiling shelving units
• Over-door organizers for small items
• Wall-mounted baskets for diapers and supplies

For example, IKEA Kallax shelves and fabric bins color-coded by category—green for clothes, blue for blankets, yellow for toys. This system makes it easy to find what you need quickly.

Just remember your baby-proofing for when the twins become mobile.

Smarter Furniture Choices

• Choose cribs with built-in storage drawers underneath
• Use a dresser with a changing pad on top instead of a separate changing table
• Consider mini-cribs if space is extremely tight

When you set up your twin nursery, see if you can position the cribs in an L-shape in the corner, which opens up floor space for playing while keeping the cribs accessible from three sides.

The Living RoomCreate Zones Instead of Taking Over

Rather than letting twin baby gear dominate your living space:

• Designate one corner for baby activities with a small toy basket
• Use furniture with hidden storage (ottomans, coffee tables with drawers)
• Invest in gear that folds away when not in use

Multi-Purpose Solutions

• A pack-and-play can serve as a playpen or napping spot
• Ottoman storage can hold toys and serve as seating
• Sofa cushions can become safe play barriers during tummy time

The KitchenStreamlined Feeding Station

• Wall-mounted bottle organizers keep counters clear
• Hanging fruit baskets can store formula, baby food, and snacks
• Magnetic strips on the fridge can hold feeding schedules and notes

Create a dedicated “twin feeding zone” in one corner of your kitchen with everything needed for bottle prep, which can save countless steps during those early sleep-deprived months.

Clever High Chair Solutions

• Space-saving high chairs that clip to the table
• Chairs that fold flat when not in use
• Booster seats that attach to regular dining chairs

We opted for booster seats rather than standalone units with large footprints.

The BathroomBathing Without the Bulk

• Sink inserts for newborn bathing save space over baby tubs
• Shower caddies repurposed for baby bath supplies
• Tension rods with hanging mesh bags for toy storage

Smart Organization

• Behind-the-door towel racks with towels for each baby
• Adhesive hooks for washcloths
• Magnetic containers on the side of a metal cabinet for small items

Clever Twin-Specific HacksThe Rolling Command Center

I’ve even heard of making a rolling cart with three tiers:

• Top tier: Diaper changing supplies
• Middle tier: Extra clothes, burp cloths
• Bottom tier: Toys and books

This cart can be moved from room to room, ensuring supplies were always at hand without cluttering every space.

The Shared Closet System

For the twins’ clothes:

• Double hang rods to maximize vertical space
• Drawer dividers to separate each baby’s items

The Gear Rotation Method

Not all baby equipment needs to be out at once:

• Store off-season items in under-bed containers
• Rotate toys weekly to keep floor space clear
• Borrow or rent items needed for short developmental periods

We borrowed a hospital grade breast pump until formula bottle feeding became our primary method, saving both money and storage space.

Final Thoughts for the Space-Conscious Twin DadRemember that babies need much less than marketing would have you believe.

Your twins won’t care if their nursery isn’t Instagram perfect. They just need you, safety, comfort, and love.

The key is creating systems that work for your family’s specific needs and home layout. Stay flexible and don’t be afraid to rearrange as you discover what works best.

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Fathers expecting twins often have specific concerns that tend to be exaggerated or misguided.

You just don’t know what you’re getting yourself into and that leads to some irrational fears.

I know, I’ve been there.

Here are some of the most common fears that you don’t need to stress out about:

1. “I’ll never be able to tell them apart” – This fear is usually overblown. Even identical twins have subtle differences that parents quickly learn to recognize. Plus, many parents use temporary identification methods like different colored clothing or nail polish until they become familiar with each child’s unique features.
2. “We’ll need two of absolutely everything” – While you’ll need some duplicates, twins can share many items. They can use the same changing table, bath, play area, and many toys. Even for sleeping, twins often share a crib initially before transitioning to separate ones.
3. “Bonding with two babies simultaneously will be impossible” – Fathers often worry they won’t be able to form strong individual bonds with each twin. In reality, relationships develop naturally over time through everyday interactions, and most fathers find they connect differently but equally with each child.
4. “Our finances will be completely devastated” – While twins do increase expenses, careful planning and accepting hand-me-downs can significantly reduce costs. Many twin-specific expenses are temporary, and the long-term financial impact is often less severe than initially feared.
5. “There won’t be any time for my relationship with my partner” – Though the early months are challenging, many twin parents develop efficient teamwork that eventually allows for couple time. The shared experience often strengthens relationships rather than destroying them.
6. “I’ll never sleep again” – Sleep deprivation is real with twins, but it’s temporary. Most twins establish sleep patterns by 4-6 months, and tag-team approaches with partners can ensure everyone gets some rest.
7. “I won’t be able to handle the crying times two” – Fathers often imagine constant dual meltdowns, but in reality, twins don’t always cry simultaneously, and parents quickly develop coping strategies for when they do.
8. “I’ll never be able to give them enough individual attention” – While one-on-one time requires intentionality with twins, many fathers find special moments with each child through everyday routines like feeding, bathing, or bedtime.
9. “I’m worried about how to handle both babies at the same time” – You won’t break them if you’re mindful of what you’re doing. Practice with holding one twin before you try to hold both simultaneously.

Raising twins can be challenging but it is totally worth it. If you’re worried about some of these issues, hang in there. You can do this!

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As a father of twins who’s done countless grocery runs, I’m going to share what actually works when you need to brave the supermarket alone with your infant twins. This isn’t theoretical advice—these are battle-tested strategies that have saved my sanity during that challenging first year (and beyond) with twins.

The Easy ButtonAre you overwhelmed by the stress of hauling the twins to the store? Hit the easy button and get your groceries delivered or do a curbside pickup run. Many large grocery chains offer curbside pickup or you can use your favorite delivery app to get stuff delivered directly to your doorstep.

There is no shame in letting others do the work for you. Just keep in mind that you will pay slightly higher prices for groceries purchased with these more convenient methods.

That said, if you’re ready to get out of the house and do a grocery store adventure with the twins, you can do this. Let’s go:

Before You Leave the House1. Time Your Trip StrategicallyShop during your twins’ most content period—typically after a feeding and nap. This reduces several of the problems that can happen when you’re out.

Try shopping during early mornings (7-9 AM) as they tend to be less crowded with shorter checkout lines.

Always avoid the dinner rush (4-6 PM) at all costs as the grocery store is a zoo and crazy busy.

1. Pack Your Twin Diaper Bag ProperlyA trip to the grocery store still needs the basics you’d take whenever you leave the house with the twins:

2. Two complete changes of clothes

3. Double the diapers you think you’ll need
4. Pre-measured formula or expressed milk if bottle feeding
5. Pacifiers with clips (your twins will drop them otherwise)
6. Extra burp cloths for inevitable spit-ups

7. A small toy for each child to distract during meltdowns

8. Have a Solid PlanYou can’t just expect to leisurely stroll down the aisles and look at all the options. You need to be prepared.

Create a detailed shopping list organized by store layout so you know the route you’ll be taking.

Use a grocery app that remembers your regular items and can show you where they are located.

Keep the trip focused—this isn’t the time for browsing. Get in and get out!

Transportation and Setup OptionsOnce you’re at the store, you’ll need to figure out how to transport your twins AND the groceries. Here are some options:

Option 1: The Twin Stroller + Basket Method* Use a double stroller with large storage underneath * Bring a collapsible grocery basket or reusable bags * Fill the basket as you shop, storing it under or hanging from the stroller * Best for smaller shopping trips (15-20 items)

Option 2: The Car Seat in Cart Configuration* Keep twins in their infant car seats * Place one car seat in the main cart basket (secure it)

Then for the second child pick what works best:

• Place the second car seat in the cart’s child seat area if possible
• Use a cart designed for two car seats (available at some stores)
• Bring a second cart if the store allows it

Always make sure your car seats are secure and won’t fall off the cart.

Option 3: The Babywearing + Cart Combo* Wear one twin in a front carrier * Keep the other in a car seat placed in the cart * Alternate which twin you wear each trip * Best for maximum shopping capacity while managing twins solo as you have more cart space

During the Shopping Experience1. The Entry StrategyPark close to cart return areas, not necessarily the entrance since you’ll know you have to return the cart.

Set up your transport system at the car before taking babies out of the car.

Have your shopping list immediately accessible on paper or your phone.

1. Managing the Shopping ProcessShop efficiently—this isn’t the time for comparison shopping.

Use one hand for pushing/steering the cart and keep the other free for grabbing items off shelves.

Place heavy items under the cart, not with the babies.

1. Dealing with Twin MeltdownsWhen one starts crying, keep moving—motion helps.

Sing or talk to them constantly, even if you feel ridiculous.

If both melt down simultaneously, find a quiet corner to address needs before continuing.

Ignore the judgmental glances from others. Focus on taking care of your kids.

1. Checkout Success TacticsChoose self-checkout for small trips and a quicker exit.

For staffed lanes, look for cashiers who make eye contact and smile at babies. You have an ally here.

Have payment ready so you can quickly finish up the transaction.

After Checkout1. Getting to the CarAsk for help to your vehicle if available (many stores offer this). Let the grocery store employee help load up your vehicle while you tend to the babies.

If you’re still solo, put the babies back in the car first and secure them. Turn on the air conditioning. Then load up the groceries.

Return the cart to a return area close to your car, never leaving babies unattended.

1. The Home Arrival SystemOnce you’re home, take the babies inside first, placing them in safe spots (swings, bouncers, etc.).

Bring groceries in next, focusing on refrigerated items

Unpack essentials immediately, leave the rest until babies are settled.

Final Dad-to-Dad AdviceRemember that each successful trip builds your confidence. What seems impossible now will become routine within months. Start with smaller trips and work your way up.

The greatest victory isn’t perfectly executing your shopping trip—it’s having the courage to try it alone. Other shoppers are generally understanding when they see a dad with twins. Don’t hesitate to accept help when offered, and remember that a few difficult moments in the grocery store don’t define your parenting.

You’ve got this, Dad!

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As a father of twins, you’ve probably heard it all: “Shouldn’t they be walking by now?” or “My son was talking in full sentences at this age!” These well-meaning comments from friends and family comparing your twins to singleton milestones can be frustrating and sometimes even worrying. Let me share some perspective and practical advice on how to handle these situations with confidence.

Our twin girls had two notable developmental milestones that caused many people to comment.

First, our girls never crawled in the traditional sense – on their hands and knees. One of them figured out how to scoot across the floor while sitting by extending her legs out and then pulling herself forward. We called this the “bum scoot” and once one girl started, her sister mimicked that behavior and they never looked back. They went straight from their “bum scoot” to standing and walking.

Second, our girls had some speech issues until they were early elementary school age. My wife and I could understand our girls. The girls could understand each other. However, other people, including close family and friends struggled to understand what our girls were saying. This feedback ultimately led us to take our girls to speech therapy where they quickly improved their speech skills and have been good communicators ever since.

Understanding Twin Development is DifferentTwins often follow their own developmental timeline, and for good reason. Multiple factors influence their development patterns:

• Prematurity: Twins are more likely to be born early, which means their developmental timeline should be adjusted for their corrected age.
• Shared Resources: During pregnancy, twins share nutrients and space, which can impact early development.
• Social Dynamic: Having a constant peer creates a unique environment where twins may prioritize different skills than singletons.
• Individual Personalities: Just like any siblings, each twin has their own strengths, interests, and pace of development.

Practical Ways to Handle ComparisonsEducate with ConfidenceWhen Uncle Bob mentions how his grandson was walking at 10 months, try responding with: “Twin development is actually fascinating – they often focus on different skills first. Lucas is becoming quite the climber while Emma is working on her vocabulary. Their pediatrician is happy with their progress on their twin-adjusted timeline.”

Keep some facts handy about twin development to share when these conversations arise. Knowledge is empowering and helps redirect well-intentioned but misguided concerns.

Focus on Individual StrengthsInstead of getting defensive, highlight what each of your twins is excelling at: “While they might not be walking yet, have you noticed how Ben can stack blocks with amazing precision? And Sarah’s ability to communicate what she wants without words is impressive!”

Create a Support Network of Twin ParentsConnect with other twin parents who understand your reality. When my twins were missing some of the typical singleton milestones, it was the parents in my twins group who reassured me this was normal and temporary.

Track Progress Your Own WayRather than comparing to standard milestone charts, keep a journal of each twin’s individual journey. Note when they master new skills relative to their own previous abilities. This perspective shift can be remarkably freeing.

When to Genuinely Consider ConcernsWhile managing unwanted comparisons is important, sometimes concerns raised by others deserve attention:

• If both twins are significantly behind in multiple developmental areas
• If one twin is progressing much more slowly than the other in several domains
• If either twin loses skills they previously had

In these cases, consult with your pediatrician. Early intervention, when needed, can make a significant difference.

Celebrating the Twin AdvantageYour twins are developing unique skills that singletons often don’t acquire as early:

• Advanced social negotiation: Twins learn to share, take turns, and resolve conflicts from day one.
• Empathy: Many twins show remarkable awareness of their co-twin’s emotions early on.
• Independence alongside interdependence: Twins often develop a healthy balance of self-reliance and cooperation.

The Bottom LineYour twins aren’t behind—they’re just taking their own path. When well-meaning comparisons come your way, take a deep breath, share a bit of twin wisdom if you’re up for it, and remember that you have front-row seats to an amazing, unique developmental journey.

Trust your instincts, celebrate each triumph on your twins’ timeline, and remember—those singleton milestones were never meant for the twin experience anyway.

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As a father of twins who has weathered countless “double emergencies,” I’m here to tell you that yes, you will survive those moments when both babies need you desperately at the exact same time.

Whether it’s one spitting up while the other has a diaper explosion, or both wailing for different urgent reasons, these situations are inevitable with twins.

Here’s my battle-tested approach to handling these high-stress moments.

First, Take a Deep BreathIt sounds simple, but it’s crucial. When both twins are in crisis mode, your stress level skyrockets. Take a 3-second deep breath. This micro-pause helps you think more clearly and approach the situation with a calmer mindset. Remember: neither baby will suffer permanent damage if you take a moment to collect yourself.

Assess and PrioritizeQuickly assess which situation is more urgent:

• Is either baby in danger? (Choking, breathing issues, bleeding)
• Which situation will worsen more quickly if not addressed?
• Which baby is more distressed?

For example, in the spit-up vs. diaper blowout scenario, the spit-up usually needs immediate attention if it’s affecting breathing, while the diaper situation, though messy, can wait an extra minute.

Create a Safe Spot for the “Wait” BabyKeep designated safe spots in key areas of your home where you can place one baby while tending to the other:

• A secured swing
• A crib or playpen
• A bouncer seat with harness
• A safely positioned car seat (on the floor, never elevated)
• On a blanket on the floor

Even if they’re crying, knowing they’re safe allows you to focus on the more urgent need.

The Contain and Return MethodLet’s imagine that you’ve got one twin spitting up and the other with a diaper blowout. Here’s what you could do:

1. Place the blowout baby on a waterproof changing pad in a safe area
2. Quickly wipe any spit-up from the first baby’s mouth/nose and position them to prevent choking
3. Return to the blowout baby to start the cleanup and change that diaper
4. Go back and forth as needed, dealing with the most critical aspects of each situation first

Preparation Is Your Best DefenseHaving strategic supplies positioned throughout your home will save you countless times:

• Keep fully stocked changing stations in multiple rooms
• Place burp cloths and wipes in every room where you spend time with the twins
• Use waterproof mats under babies whenever possible
• Keep a “quick-change” bag with diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes in your main living area

Use What You HaveIn true emergencies, get creative:

• A clean kitchen towel can temporarily contain a blowout
• Paper towels can handle spit-up if burp cloths aren’t within reach
• A towel on the floor can become an impromptu changing station

It is OK to improvise. Just keep your babies’ safety your number one priority.

Call for Backup When PossibleIf someone else is home or nearby:

• Use a specific, direct request: “I need you to take the baby in the blue onesie right now”
• Assign the simpler task to your helper if they’re less experienced (like asking a young child to bring you a diaper for their baby brother)
• Don’t waste time explaining everything—just get the immediate help

The AftermathOnce both situations are under control:

• Give yourself credit for handling it
• Clean yourself up if needed
• Take a moment to reset before moving on
• Don’t forget this moment as it should give you confidence handling future craziness

Remember This TruthEvery twin dad has been through these double emergencies. What feels impossible now will become just another Tuesday in a few months. Your ability to handle these situations will improve dramatically with experience.

The fact that you’re reading this article means you care deeply about being there for both of your babies. That commitment is what matters most—not whether you handled a particular situation perfectly.

Trust me when I say: you’ve got this. And when you don’t feel like you’ve got this, just do the next right thing for whichever baby needs it most urgently, then move to the next.

Before you know it, you’ll be the one giving advice to new twin dads.

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The urge to compare twins is one of the most natural yet challenging aspects of parenting multiples.

Each of your twins is a unique individual so let’s discuss some practical ideas to avoid comparisons and celebrate each child’s unique journey.

Understanding Our Comparison InstinctParents of twins often feel guilty about comparing their children, but it’s important to recognize that this tendency is both natural and common. Our brains are wired to notice patterns and differences, and having two children of the same age makes comparisons almost inevitable. The key isn’t to eliminate comparative thoughts entirely (that’s unrealistic) but to manage them constructively.

Why We Need to Minimize ComparisonsFrequent comparisons can have lasting impacts on your twins’ development:

• They can create unnecessary anxiety about meeting milestones
• They might foster unhealthy competition between the twins
• Children may develop fixed mindsets about their abilities
• Twins might feel pressure to conform to or rebel against perceived roles
• Self-esteem can be affected when one twin consistently develops skills later than the other

Practical Strategies for Avoiding ComparisonsInstead of comparing developments, try these mental shifts to reframe your thinking:

• Replace “better/worse” thoughts with “different” observations
• Focus on each child’s progress relative to their own past not their twin’s progress
• Celebrate unique interests and abilities rather than shared twin milestones
• Remember that development isn’t a race, it’s a personal journey

Words shape thoughts and behavior. Practice these communication habits to change your language patterns:

• Use individual names instead of “the twins” and encourage others to do likewise
• Describe specific actions one child does rather than making comparisons
• Share unique stories about each child
• Avoid phrases like “the athletic one” or “the creative one”

Create separate records for each child to document your twins’ individual journeys:

• Keep individual baby books or journals for each twin
• Take solo photos, not just twin pictures
• Write personal letters or notes about each child’s unique moments
• Record specific memories and milestones about one twin without reference to their sibling

Managing External ComparisonsOthers will inevitably compare your twins. Here’s how to handle it:

• Educate family members about the importance of treating each child individually
• Provide teachers with information about your approach to twin parenting
• Respond to comparative comments with positive statements about each child’s unique traits
• Model the behavior you want others to follow

Practical Daily TechniquesCreate Individual Time* Schedule one-on-one activities with each child * Alternate who gets to do things first * Create special traditions with each twin * Find opportunities for separate experiences

Celebrate Differences* Support different interests and activities * Allow different clothing choices * Respect different friendship groups * Encourage unique hobbies * Acknowledge achievements independently * Avoid rushing one child to “catch up” * Celebrate progress rather than timing

Take time each day to:* Note one unique quality about each child * Reflect on individual interactions you had with each child * Plan individual activities with each twin

When Additional Support Is HelpfulSometimes, parents need additional support to manage comparison concerns. Here’s where you can get some help:

• Consider consulting a child psychologist familiar with twin dynamics
• Join twin parent support groups to discuss strategies (here’s a big list of twin parenting clubs)
• Seek guidance from experienced twin educators
• Work with healthcare providers who understand twin development

Breaking free from the habit of comparing twins is a journey that requires patience, mindfulness, and practice. Remember that occasional comparisons don’t make you a bad parent—they make you human. The goal is not perfection but progress in seeing and celebrating each child’s unique path.

As your twins grow, you’ll find that their differences become as beautiful as their similarities. By consciously working to minimize comparisons, you help create an environment where each child can develop confidently and independently, secure in their own identity while maintaining their special twin bond.

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What do you do when one of your twins wants all the attention and gets upset when anyone is showing affection to their twin?

We found this particularly troublesome with toddler twins.

For toddler twins, you’ll need to adapt your strategies to match their developmental stage. Toddlers are still learning to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, and understand social dynamics like sharing attention. Here’s how you could help your young twins:

Acknowledge and Name EmotionsSimplify language to match their understanding. Observe their behavior (e.g., whining, hitting, clinging) as these are primary ways toddlers express emotions. At this age, toddlers might not have the words to express their feelings fully, so helping them label their emotions can be helpful. For example, you can say, “I see you’re feeling sad because [brother/sister] is getting a hug. You want a hug too, don’t you?”

Name the emotion for them, such as “mad” or “sad,” so they start to learn how to recognize their feelings. Offer hugs, gentle pats, and soothing words like “I know you’re feeling frustrated” or “It’s okay to feel sad.” You can then model how to express these feelings with words instead of actions like crying or pushing.

Model Sharing and Taking TurnsAt this stage, your toddler twins are just learning how to share and take turns. So, model the behavior you want to see by taking turns giving affection. For example, give one twin a hug, then give the other twin a hug right after. This helps them understand that attention can be shared.

You can even count or narrate the process to make it clear, like, “First it’s your turn for a cuddle, and then it’s [brother’s/sister’s] turn!” Toddlers respond well to simple routines and clear cues (thus the success of a bedtime routine).

Reassure and RedirectWhen a toddler gets upset because their sibling is receiving attention, you may need to reassure them and immediately redirect their attention to something else. For example, you could say, “I’ll give you a hug after we play with this toy together.”

Distraction works well with toddlers, so redirecting them to an engaging activity can help break the cycle of jealousy or frustration. For example, “Let’s look at this picture!”

Praise Positive Behavior ImmediatelyPraise the toddlers immediately when they exhibit positive behavior, like waiting their turn for affection or showing interest in their twin’s happiness. Keep the praise simple: “Wow, you’re being so patient! Great job waiting your turn!”

Toddlers thrive on immediate feedback, so acknowledging even small moments of patience can encourage them to repeat those behaviors.

Separate Time with Each TwinWith toddlers, you’ll want to create more opportunities for one-on-one time for each child. Toddlers are still very dependent on individual attention to feel secure. Even brief moments of individualized attention can make a big difference.

Short, separate sessions with each child can help them feel loved without feeling like they’re in competition. For example, one could have a quiet story time while the other plays, then switch. Even short periods of dedicated attention, like reading a book or playing peek-a-boo with each child individually, can make a big difference.

Encourage independent play by providing age-appropriate toys and activities that allow them to explore their own interests.

Simplify Boundaries and ExpectationsUse clear, simple rules for behavior, such as, “We don’t grab. We ask for a turn” or “We share the love” when you see one twin getting upset. Toddlers understand short, simple rules more easily than complex explanations.

Be consistent in how you respond—always gently remind the upset twin that they will get affection too, but that everyone needs to take turns. If they persist with unwanted behavior (like pushing), calmly but firmly guide them to use their words or gestures instead.

Use Physical Affection for Both at the Same TimeSince toddlers love physical affection, you can often combine affection for both twins at once. For instance, give both of them a hug or sit them on your lap together. This can reduce feelings of competition and help them understand that both can receive love simultaneously.

Parallel play is also helpful at this age, where you engage in activities side by side (like coloring or playing with blocks) and show affection intermittently as they play.

Focus on Positive Interaction Between ThemEncourage your toddlers to interact positively with each other. When one twin shows affection toward the other, like giving a hug or sharing a toy, immediately reinforce that behavior with praise: “Wow, that was so nice of you to share!”

Model positive interactions by engaging them in joint activities where they can both experience the joy of cooperation, like building a tower together or playing peekaboo. Praise them for working as a team.

Set a Routine for AffectionToddlers feel more secure when they have routines, so try to incorporate regular moments of affection throughout the day. For example, make it a habit to have a morning cuddle or nighttime ritual with both twins. This gives them a sense of predictability, reducing anxiety about “competition” for attention.

You might say, “We always have a cuddle before nap time, and we share lots of love!” Routine creates structure that helps toddlers feel confident.

Stay Calm and PatientStay calm and composed, even if one twin gets upset or acts out. Toddlers are learning how to regulate their emotions, and they take cues from you. If you remain patient, it models how to manage emotions in a calm way.

If they’re still struggling with sharing attention, it may just take more time. Consistent gentle guidance is key at this stage.

Avoid OverstimulationSometimes toddlers can get upset when there’s too much going on at once. Ensure that both twins feel like they have space and time to process affection. Take breaks and give them moments of quiet time if they seem overwhelmed.

By being consistent with your twins, you’re laying the groundwork for healthier sibling interactions and emotional regulation. The focus at this age is to provide lots of reassurance, gentle redirection, and consistent boundaries, while also giving them the individual attention they need to feel secure.

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Episode 318 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Aaron Ameen, father of identical boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Moving across the country during the twin pregnancy
• Helping others tell the twins apart
• Juggling a full time job and running your own business while raising twins
• Toddler’s reactions to having twin babies in the house
• Finding daycare for twins and a toddler
• Handing careers after birth of twins
• The twin delivery experience
• Taking paternity leave
• Creating boundaries when working at home
• Daily routine for one-year-old twins
• and more…

Connect with Aaron on his website aaronameen.com or email him aaron@aaronameen.com.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe: Tell us a little bit about your family right now. How old are your twins and what’s the family dynamic right now?

Aaron: We have three young children – three-year-old daughters who just turned three about two weeks ago at the time of this recording, and then our twin boys. They’re identical boys who will turn one in about three weeks. So three right under the age three – pretty busy household here.

Joe: That’s crazy. I mean, I always tell people if you can make it through that first year with twins, you can do anything – especially if you have a toddler in the mix. That’s extra crazy. So what is something kind of exciting about this age with your boys?

Aaron: So far, we’ve really enjoyed and been very lucky that the kids all get along. At first, we were worried about our daughter maybe getting jealous or there being some competing dynamics, but there’s been a really warm environment among our kids. The boys love their sister. There’s nothing she can do wrong in their eyes. She loves to kind of rough house with them and we’re always worried that she’s going to hurt them, but everything that she does to them, they just end up laughing and smiling. They’re really interactive. They love to babble and talk to each other and now they’re starting to kind of babble towards us. Not sure if they’re quite saying anything or if they know what they’re saying yet, but the developmental pace at which they’re developing at this kind of 11 month to 12 month mark is pretty incredible. Not two months ago, they weren’t even crawling and now they’re pretty close to walking.

Joe: Do they kind of hit their milestones about the same time, or is one kind of ahead of the other?

Aaron: There’s been some variation. With crawling, one of them made it about probably three weeks ahead of the other one. But now for the most part throughout this first year, they’ve hit milestones around the same time – teeth coming in, and they really are identical. We can tell them apart, but there’s still times that we mix them up a bit. Certainly any family members that don’t see them often or friends, they can’t tell them apart at all. Even at the daycare, it’s a game we play every morning where the teacher guesses which one is which, and they’re still working on getting it right.

Joe: Do you have some kind of system that you have in place to help other people tell them apart?

Aaron: We try and point out some of the distinguishing features to us. One of them has more curly hair, the shape of their face is a little bit different, they have a different smile, but we don’t label them or anything. One thing we don’t do though – I know a lot of people dress their twins in identical clothes – we do at a minimum put them in different outfits so that you only have to figure out which one is who one time per day because then you’ll be able to tell by the outfit.

Joe: I was so afraid of mixing up our girls because we have identical girls. Like you, they look really close, very similar. I was afraid to dress them the same. Eventually, like you’ve discovered, you notice the subtle physical differences or their mannerisms and such. But other people, they still mix them up. So I’m like, okay, we’ll make it easier for everybody else. We’ll dress them in different colors and stuff like that to help out.

Aaron: If they have to come back and keep asking you all the time, then it’s harder for everyone. So might as well make it easy.

Joe: So your daughter is interacting with them – has she always been positive towards them or did you see any jealousy early on with your daughter?

Aaron: We’ve been really astonished. She has not really shown any aggression or anything like that towards them. There’ve been a couple moments where I think she, when she saw each of us holding one – like when mom had one and I had one, and then she was on the ground – we’ve seen a couple glances over of her feeling a little left out. She’ll go and play with their toys. When we used pacifiers, she would go put the pacifier in her mouth. A couple of those things indicated that she felt a little bit left out, but it was more of a statement than her crying or hitting them.

For the most part, that dynamic – we’re really lucky that it’s turned into her wanting to help. From very early on, she wanted to help change their diapers and bring them bottles. We tried to just find ways to engage with her so that she felt like she was part of the team, which she is. That was one thing we had read and heard from a number of different sources – if you can make them feel like they’re being helpful and include them, then it really goes a long way to prevent that jealousy from creeping in.

She loves playing with them. She always asks about them. At daycare, she’s always bragging about them, like “Have you seen my brothers?” It probably won’t always be smooth like that, but we’ll take what we got.

Joe: You mentioned daycare for your kiddos. Are they all in the same place?

Aaron: We ended up relocating when we found out we were going to have twins. We were in Washington state before that, which is where I grew up. When we found out we were pregnant, we thought it was going to be another singleton. We had in our plan that we were going to have two kids. In our financial roadmap, that was how things played out and we were just stretching on the edge of affordability in Washington.

Then we found out it was going to be twins and not only twins, but it was this kind of high-risk pregnancy. We were in a smaller city in central Washington and we didn’t have access to the type of specialists that we needed to see. We actually ended up spending a bunch of time in Houston, which is where we live now and where my dad lives.

When we got down here, we started comparing the cost of daycare and availability of childcare in that small city in Washington versus what it is here. Basically, it was going to cost upwards of about $7,000 a month if we wanted to have three kids in daycare in Washington, and it’s only about $3,000 a month here. Availability was another big factor – the waitlists were over a year long in Washington. Here in Houston, there’s availability. There’s daycares every – within five miles of where I’m sitting right now, there’s 10 daycare centers and most of them had availability.

To answer your actual question though, when we moved here, my wife was still pregnant and our daughter was just under two years old. We started her in one daycare that only accepted 18 months and older. When the twins were born, we had them home for the first eight or nine months. Then we had to put them in a separate daycare right down the road from where our daughter is because hers didn’t accept until 18 months. Now our daily routine is we drop her off and then it’s probably half a mile away, we drop the boys off on the way home. Same thing on pickup – we go to those two and they’re basically right next to each other.

Joe: Moving across the country while pregnant with twins – that’s not something I recommend everybody do, but you survived. You made it work. Obviously it was in the best interests of your family to make that move. I’m in Texas too, so I give you a thumbs up for that move. Were there any complications with the pregnancy that overshadowed this whole transition for your family?

Aaron: We are very fortunate that there were no major complications throughout. Most of the major complications were logistical, to be honest. We had to drive two and a half hours every other week. Between 10 and 14 weeks is the highest risk of this twin-to-twin transfusion that can happen. We had MoDi twins – they shared one placenta but had two amniotic sacs. They monitored to make sure that one’s not stealing nutrients from the other, which can cause serious complications and require intervention.

The frequency of appointments was high, our stress was high, it was a new situation for us. It was pretty disruptive. She was still working, we still had our daughter who was one, and I was still working full time. We also have a real estate portfolio across a few different states, so we at times were traveling and dealing with stuff with that. We just had a really busy schedule and a lot of commitments where it became difficult and stressful to manage, constantly driving into the city and all that.

We never had any major medical complications, but we started weighing all these different factors of what we wanted our life to look like and how the pregnancy was progressing. It led us to make that really pretty gargantuan decision. We had it in our plan that we were gonna live in Washington for the next 20 years and enjoy raising our family there. I have family that lives in Washington, so it was a really difficult decision to leave one part of my family and go near another. Most of the complication was emotional and logistical, more than physical.

I want to take a second to pay homage to the resources that you provided. I really did find the course that you put together and consumed a lot of the stuff that you put out. I think it’s important to have someone speaking to what the father’s experience and perspective is in this journey. There are certain things where my wife was going through a lot physically, emotionally, with hormones changing and juggling all those things I mentioned. I was trying to reconcile how I could be the most supportive partner and father.

Part of that was weighing all these situations – if we’re gonna make all this big upheaval and change in our lives, really feeling the conviction that it was the right thing for our family and not just something we were doing hastily and completely out of emotion. I remember specifically, there was something about how one of the first reactions people have when they have twins is “We got to get rid of the car, we got to get a new car.” Whether it’s practical or not, your emotions just start to rush to everything that you need to change to meet your new circumstance. In some ways, we changed more than we kept the same. But those signals that you put out, listening to some about their stories on this podcast – they helped bring me back down to earth that other people have gone through similar things and ultimately people will decide what’s best for their family. That made me feel a bit better as I was making these big decisions.

Joe: I’m grateful that the website and the podcast and everything has been helpful for you. I love having dads like you on the podcast to share exactly what you’re talking about, so other dads that are coming up behind us on this pathway know they’re not alone. The crazy stuff we experience – it’s normal. We have to overcome a bunch of these challenges, sometimes make big decisions for our families. We figure out a way to make it work. Where in the beginning, you’re feeling totally overwhelmed, like there’s just too much to process, but breaking it down, working with your partner on those decisions ultimately gets you someplace where you’re in a better spot for your family.

Aaron: Absolutely.

Joe: You mentioned the pregnancy was pretty healthy, but because it’s a twin pregnancy it requires those frequent visits to the doctor. That’s a good reminder for listeners that even if everything’s going smoothly, you still have to have those frequent checkups, and based on where you live, that could be an extra logistical burden to get there. I interviewed a dad a few podcasts ago where they just took an RV camper and set up shop near the hospital because they were making so many trips during the pregnancy. So it does require some creativity to make it work. Was there something that you found really helpful in supporting your wife through the pregnancy, something that resonated with her?

Aaron: Stability is what I think she was seeking throughout – not only stability in the moment but just some sort of idea of what the future might look like. I know that sounds ironic because in the middle of the pregnancy, we basically uprooted our entire life and relocated, which is the opposite of stability. But I think it was really working together to craft a vision for what we wanted our life to look like in the coming decade, not just the coming 12 months.

We wanted to figure out where we could really plant roots and feel like we have the resources we need, whether it’s family or daycare – daycare was a huge variable for us. That induced a lot of anxiety when we were in Washington because we couldn’t even get on a wait list that was going to be available soon enough. We were going to end up in a pretty bad financial situation if one of us had to take a whole full year off of work.

She already made a major sacrifice when we had our first kid taking time off. So the career break was getting longer and longer and the ability to solve for the childcare was getting harder and harder. I think as big of a decision as it was to move, being able to co-create that vision and then actually put it into place – there were a ton of moving pieces getting from one place across the country while she was six months pregnant.

Once we landed here, just starting to re-piece our life together so that the final two-three months of the pregnancy, we could see where we were headed. It was no longer this ambiguous question mark. We knew where the daycares were, we had a house, we had started to settle in and build a life. In a moment where certainty was our number one priority, that was probably the best way I was able to support her – just trying to take care of as much of the details as possible. The final two to three months of her pregnancy, we were able to just focus on enjoying some time with our daughter before the twins were born, focusing on health and settling into our new life.

Joe: Did you both have to quit your jobs? What was that situation with moving across the country?

Aaron: We were fortunate that I was already working remotely. The company I work for is based out of Washington, but they’re licensed to operate in Texas. The nature of my work – I’m a management consultant – so I work on contracts for different companies based on who needs the work, and pretty much every company that our consulting firm works with accepts remote work. I was able to work that out with my employer. They had no issues, understood and were supportive of the move, and especially given the circumstances, they wanted us to be happy and healthy.

My wife was doing part-time contract work – she still is – for a nonprofit. Similarly, that was a good arrangement. It was like 10 to 15 hours a week. She could do it whenever she had time, even at midnight or Sunday afternoon if she needed to. So that was completely asynchronous remote work.

Our employment situation did not have to change even though we moved across the country. I know that’s kind of rare, although in today’s world, remote work is more possible. We were lucky in that regard. I took a week off to facilitate the move, but other than that, the biggest adjustment was being on a different time zone, so my work hours shifted a little bit. There was a lot of continuity in our employment – I didn’t have to learn a new job or get a new job and all that stuff. So at least that part was stable.

Joe: Let’s talk about how the delivery went for your boys. Was it planned – did you know when it was going to happen, or did it catch you off guard?

Aaron: We scheduled it. The frequency of the visits starting at 32 weeks went to once a week, then to twice a week starting at 34, and then we scheduled at 36. We were able to stick to the schedule. They were trying to keep them in as long as possible, but not too long – really trying to find the perfect spot. They were growing well, and right around 36 weeks is when they said this would be the best time to schedule.

We went in around 11 p.m., they induced her, and we delivered both babies around 10 a.m. Regardless of preference, they always do this type of twin delivery in a surgery room. The goal was to have a natural birth, but they have everyone on call and prepared to do a c-section if needed.

My wife was dozing off a little bit after the contractions had started. She looked at me and said, “I’m going to call the nurse, I feel something.” The nurses came in, gave her one quick look, and said “You’re ready, let’s go.” She went from sleeping to being in the surgery room in about 10 minutes. From entering the surgery room to both babies being born was less than 30 minutes.

She was able to do it naturally and with only a few pushes on each one. I went with the first one into the other room, and by the time I came back, the second one was already almost out. She was very grateful that it was able to be a natural birth and that part went very smooth.

One of the babies required oxygen support for about 30 minutes afterwards, which feels scary in the moment. They were born around 36 weeks, so it wasn’t too early. They didn’t need to go to the NICU or anything, but they were heavily observed. We were in the hospital for about three days.

Our daughter didn’t meet them until day two because we wanted to let my wife rest and have me get a little rest, and make sure the boys were okay. They stayed in our room right from the beginning, only leaving for a couple of tests. We spent those first three days together in the hospital. Things went pretty smooth – they passed all their various tests and we were able to go home on day three.

Joe: That’s great. I love hearing stories where things go according to plan. You’re hoping for natural birth – that’s exactly what happened. It was pretty smooth. Often people get scared with twins that something like what you had is impossible, but it does happen.

Aaron: Well, it makes me reflect that there were times where we got really anxious – we just assumed something bad was going to happen, and that doesn’t really do you any good. It’s pretty hard to control your emotions when you’re going through a pregnancy like that. When she was afraid or anxious, or when I was afraid or anxious, you don’t want to suppress those feelings. You want to let them breathe and have a safe space to talk about it between yourselves.

But when stuff does go well, you start to kick yourself – we spent so much time worrying when whatever’s going to happen is going to happen, and the worrying only affects your mental health. It doesn’t do any good, but sometimes it’s easier said than done to just try not to worry.

That was one reflection I had afterward – we did all this rearranging and moving around because this was a high-risk thing, and there was so much stress around the monitoring, but some of that stress was a little bit self-induced in hindsight. I would share for other people going through this: unless you’ve been given a direct reason to worry about something, don’t bring it upon yourself if you don’t have to.

JOE: Having already had one child, you have a perspective of how twins may be different. What kind of surprised you the most when you brought the twins home? What was the different experience than what you had had the first time with just one baby?

AARON: Let’s see a few things:

1. I assumed that each baby would wake the other up constantly and I thought they’d wake their sister up too. I thought sleep would be completely shattered for a year, but it was not quite as bad as we thought. The twins could sleep right next to each other with one screaming bloody murder and the other one could be completely passed out next to them. That still kind of happens. It’s pretty rare that they wake each other up. That was a good surprise.

2. We assumed there would be some spillover and the last thing you want is for both of them to be waking up and screaming at the same time when you only have one person up to deal with them. There is this fear of having to handle both kids at the same time and have them both freaking out. But while that does happen, it does not happen even close to as much as I thought it might.

3. The jealousy thing we already talked about – I was pleasantly surprised that our daughter adapted really well. She wants to help probably 50% of the time. She actually helps and 50% of the time she does something where she thinks she’s helping, but she’s not. Creating that dynamic early on solved a big problem.

4. Loading into and out of cars still to this day is not easy. We had to get used to lifting in and leaning in. I literally tore my rotator cuff from lifting one of the seats the wrong way and had about two months where I couldn’t use my right arm to lift their seats anymore. That was probably four or five months in. Usually when you get injured it’s from something like a sport or exercise, not lifting a baby. You find yourself reaching and reacting in certain ways, and sometimes you don’t realize how you’re straining.

But other than that, at a high level, nothing was as bad as I thought it might be.

JOE: How did you and your wife stretch out time off of work to take care of the babies?

AARON: The state of Washington allows you to take 12 paid weeks. You pay into it a small amount from your paychecks. As long as you’ve lived in Washington for I believe 12 months, you can draw from that benefit. You can take that 12 weeks and spread it across the first year of their life.

With my daughter, I took four weeks off up front – before I had kids, that felt like a long time. I don’t usually take breaks that long. But in hindsight, that flew by. I had two sets of parents come and visit. By the time they were done visiting and I had gone back to work, my wife went from having a ton of support to no support more or less overnight. That felt like a big mistake in hindsight. I used about three weeks towards her first birthday, but that means I left five weeks on the table that I didn’t use. Why not use a benefit that’s a once in a lifetime thing that’s already paid for?

I was determined not to make that mistake again. Even though we relocated from Washington to Texas during the pregnancy, I was still eligible through the state for that benefit. This time around, I took a full 12 weeks off right up front, which was really nice. That 12 weeks gave us enough time to get a hint of what everyday life would look like without constant family visiting. We wanted to get a real sense of what our sleep schedule would be like, how we would try and fit in things like exercising and cooking – just all those little things that become that much harder when you have young kids.

Then, like I mentioned before, I work from home. So the transition back into work was not that abrupt either, because I was still around. There was no commute eating up my time. I could still see the kids on my lunch breaks, which is something that I really appreciate.

JOE: Working from home, how do you keep boundaries between work time and family time when you can hear them across the house?

AARON: It’s a miracle that nobody’s run into this room while we’re recording this right now. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge to set those boundaries. My work hours are pretty flexible due to the nature of my role. I have meetings and deliverables. It’s not an activity-driven job, it’s an outcome-driven job.

I actually rearrange my schedule a little bit at times where I would do my core work with my meetings – the stuff that required collaboration – during the middle chunk of the day. Then I would spend the evening with the family. Bedtime is one of my favorite parts of the night – it’s nice close time with the family, reading stories to my daughter, cuddling with the kids. Then I would boot up again in the evening and wrap up whatever else I might not have finished during the day.

Because I have a nine-to-five job plus our real estate stuff, I’ve always had to be very intentional with my time. I budget about 30 to 60 minutes a day to work on the real estate stuff. I think I just work backwards from what I know needs to be done, and I put my non-negotiable family time at the top of that. If I know bedtime and dinnertime is most important to me, I make sure I never miss that. Even if I’ve got a busy work day, I’d rather come back and finish stuff in the evening after everyone’s in bed than miss dinner or bedtime.

So I think it was kind of just solving backwards from those components and rearranging things to fit. Especially now almost a year in, we’ve worked things out pretty well and we have good boundaries. But it definitely took a while to get there.

Joe: You have the flexibility to juggle all the hats you wear – as a husband, father, full-time employee, and entrepreneur. I’m glad you found a good rhythm to make that work and be successful. Did you ever discuss with your wife about one of you staying home with the kids instead of using daycare?

Aaron: We definitely had that on the table as an option. We have real estate investments that produce decent income, though not a salary’s worth. We discussed ramping that up since it doesn’t require 40 hours a week – it’s about finding the right investments and managing them, which can be done in a few hours weekly.

My wife stayed home with our daughter for almost a year without babysitters before gradually returning to part-time work to balance our finances. But with three kids, the mental tax of taking care of them for 18 hours a day, plus the financial pressure, made us realize something important: while we could save money on daycare, we show up better for our kids when we have breaks. When we’re with them, we have full energy versus burning ourselves out day after day.

Some people have the composure for full-time childcare, and I have utmost respect for that. But I know I couldn’t do it seven days a week without eroding my sanity and probably becoming less patient with them. I’d rather have four really quality hours per day – a couple hours in the morning and evening – than 18 hours where one or both of us feels strung out.

Joe: Those are great things to remember and consider. Sometimes new twin parents look at the price tag of daycare and that’s as deep as that conversation goes. They’re just thinking about the dollars and not the impact on the mom or dad staying home with twins or more.

When our two boys and girls were born, my wife was already a stay-at-home mom. We just doubled her stress and workload. After my leave, I went back to work in cubicle land, going to meetings all day – it was pretty easy relative to what my wife was doing at home juggling four little kids. There’s a lot to consider in making that decision. It’s not something you can just decide on one factor – it’s a multifaceted problem.

Joe: As your twins are approaching the one-year mark and moving out of the phase where they need everything done for them, have there been any milestones that made things easier in taking care of them?

Aaron: While I wouldn’t say they’re self-sufficient, they’re becoming more independent. They can hold their own bottles now, which has been really helpful. Before, we had to either hold it for them or prop it on something while sitting next to them. They can eat crackers and teething foods, and we give them solid foods as well. We try to expose them to different types of foods we’re eating, as long as they’re not too spicy or complex.

They sit at the table in their Skooki high chairs, eat with their hands, and even play with wipes. They’re able to keep themselves busy and do things themselves that we previously had to do for them. We still have to clean up after them, change them, and put them to sleep, but they entertain themselves – and each other – much more now.

They have their own little language and play with toys together. Daycare tells us that even with six or seven kids and hundreds of toys available, our twins will end up in the center of the room fighting over one tiny block. They’ll sit there and have their little conversation and negotiate over this one toy. Two or three months ago, we couldn’t sit in a room with them without constantly picking something up or giving them something. Now we can have brief periods, maybe 10 minutes at a time, where we can actually let them do their thing.

Joe: The unspoken rule of twins is they will always want what the other twin has. Parents wonder if they should buy two of everything, but it doesn’t matter because they’ll still want the same physical piece that the other twin wants.

Joe: What does a day in the life look like for you right now with the twins? How are they sleeping, napping, and eating?

Aaron: On a normal healthy day, they sleep through the night. We work in shifts – my wife takes the first four or five hours (11 PM to 4 AM) with the monitor on her side. She’ll only go in if they cry loud enough or long enough. Then she passes the monitor to me in the morning.

Usually one twin wakes up first around 4:30 or 5 AM. I’ll bring them downstairs while it’s still dark and quiet, put them in the swing, maybe give them some milk. Often I’ll catch another hour of sleep on the couch while waiting for the other twin to wake up. It’s pretty predictable – one gets up first, the other follows about an hour later, and our daughter wakes up within that 90-minute window.

I spend about two to two and a half hours with them in the morning, playing or having breakfast. Mom gets up, and we all drive to daycare together. They’re in daycare Monday through Friday while we both work. We pick them up in late afternoon, have dinner together, and do bedtime together. When weather permits, we go for walks. We treat that evening block as sacred family time.

The boys predictably go to bed around 7 PM and sleep until 4:30 or 5 AM. Even when they wake up in the morning, they usually go back to sleep. However, the challenge comes with illness – because they’re all in daycare, we’ve had a revolving door of sickness. Recently, one twin was home three out of five days one week, then the other was out two days the next week. This requires one or both of us to take time off work, and when they’re sick, they don’t sleep as well.

With three kids, the odds are against us for maintaining any momentum at work during these periods. While this has been an extraordinary stretch of illness, it shows the practical challenge of having multiple young children – if one gets sick every three weeks on an offset schedule, you’ll have stretches where you’re frequently taking care of them during the day. We’re still working on a system to handle these situations when both of us are working.

Aaron: I think when everybody gets sick, it completely overthrows any patterns. Any system you have in place is just really tough. That’s one of the hardest things about being a parent – when your kids start to get sick, and then if you or your wife gets sick too, you’re completely drained and it’s just miserable. I hope they’re building strong immune systems through all these experiences. But there’s always something going around, that’s for sure.

Joe: Aaron, you have an interesting business with real estate and you also have a business helping people understand real estate with a podcast. Tell us a little bit about how you teach people about real estate and what’s been successful for you there?

Aaron: My wife and I started investing in rental properties back in 2019. We did it as a supplement to our jobs, before we had our daughter or the twins. It started as an experiment where my parents had been real estate investors, so I had some exposure growing up. They did the same model we’re doing – they worked full-time corporate jobs while raising kids and building their rental portfolio.

There was some imitation on my side – I saw how this was something they did to accelerate their retirement timeline and build wealth for their family’s future. We started in 2019 as an experiment and really fell in love with the process.

I’m very entrepreneurial by nature, even though I’ve had a W-2 nine-to-five job my whole adult life. I’ve always liked building something where you can own the upside. When you work a salary job, you get your paycheck and maybe stock options, but if your company invents something new and makes a billion dollars in extra profit, you usually don’t get a piece of that.

Aaron: There’s creative stuff you can do when you know you’re going to have kids – you can buy properties and put them in trusts for funding your kids’ college. Real estate is a really family-friendly business, especially if you start young. It can build an amazing foundation where time does the majority of the work for you. You buy something once, learn how to operate it, hold it for a long period, and it has an outsized impact on your family.

We bought property when living in Las Vegas, then moved to Washington and kept that property. We bought a couple more in Washington, then bought a few in Iowa. We learned how to buy and operate rental properties from across the country, so it didn’t matter where we lived. It depends on building the right team – finding the right managers, agents, and people who can help you on the ground in each market.

This made it much easier when we found out we were having twins, since we weren’t tied down to the real estate in each area. The extra income helped give us flexibility when our daughter and twins were born, buying us time to figure out our next steps.

Aaron: Because of the impact on our family and the skills we built, I decided to start a coaching program to help others do the same thing. If somebody invests in the stock market but wants to diversify and build investments they have more control over, I can help. I enjoy learning and writing about it – when you’re passionate about something, you enjoy sharing what you’ve learned with others. I put together a course and work with people one-on-one to help them learn how to set up systems in different markets and invest in real estate.

Joe: That’s a great story. I’m a big fan of working the day job and then doing your side hustle and growing that side hustle until it’s the full-time thing. Let’s experiment on the side and see what catches on and then go from there. So congratulations on your success with that.

Joe: Aaron, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you to learn more about what you were just talking about, what’s the best way to reach out?

Aaron: You can find anything about me at my website, which is just my full name, AaronAmeen.com (A-A-R-O-N A-M-E-E-N.com). You can also find me on any social media there. I love connecting with people and having conversations. Joe had a major impact on me, listening to this podcast and creating a forum for other dads going through the twin experience, both during pregnancy and post-birth. I would be happy to be a resource or sounding board for anyone who wants to chat. You can reach out through my website or email me at aaron@aaronameen.com. I would love to hear from you whether you want to talk about parenting, real estate, or whatever else might be on your mind after listening to this episode.

Joe: Fantastic. Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

Aaron: Thanks for having me.

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I just saw a list of new innovative baby products. Let’s talk about whether those products would be a good match for your twins.

The Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA), an organization representing companies that make products for babies, toddlers, and children, has released their 2024 Innovation Awards list. Let me highlight some notable winners.

The Parents Pick award went to the HALO Easy Transition Sleep Sack. This product is perfect for swaddling babies while keeping their arms free and legs in a spacious pouch. It allows babies to roll over safely, move, and self-soothe without being completely restricted. For twin parents, you’ll need one for each baby.

The Editor’s Pick was awarded to the Graco Read With Me 4-in-1 Convertible Bookshelf Crib with Drawer. This innovative crib features bookshelves on the short side and can transform into different configurations as your child grows: from crib to daybed to toddler bed. However, twin parents should note that each baby needs their own sleep surface, and the bookshelf feature might be impractical if cribs need to be placed side by side.

The Tried and True award went to the Safety 1st Grow and Go All-in-One Convertible Car Seat. This car seat adapts from 5 to 100 pounds and can be used in both rear-facing and forward-facing positions. It features easy adjustment of the headrest and harness without rethreading or reinstallation.

In the Play/Entertainment category, the Skip Hop Discoverosity 3-in-1 Sensory Table won top honors. This 24-piece set includes tools like wooden tongs, rollers, animal scoops, and rakes for digging, sorting, and sculpting. While it works well for floor play with twins, the table configuration only comes with one seat.

The Safety category winner was the Munchkin Mini Thermometer, featuring no-touch infrared technology. It displays color-coded readings: green for normal temperature, red for elevated, and blue for too cold. Its compact size makes it perfect for diaper bags or nightstands.

The On the Go category recognized the Tula Printed Mesh Explore Carrier. This adjustable carrier allows babies to face toward or away from the parent. While it’s designed for one child, parents of twins might consider buying two for tandem wearing, similar to Baby Bjorn carriers.

The Boppy Travel Bassinet won in the Nursery category. It’s lightweight and compact, making it ideal for travel. Twin parents would need two units for safe sleep arrangements while visiting family or on vacation.

The Diono Connect 3RXT 2-in-1 High-Back Booster won the Child Restraint Systems category. At less than 17 inches wide, these seats are notable for fitting three across in most car back seats – a crucial feature for growing families.

In the Technology category, the Cybex e-Gazelle S Stroller stands out with its 20+ configurations and ability to carry two children up to 50 pounds each. It features stadium seating and an electric assist for uphill climbs.

Finally, the Environmentally Friendly category winner was the Dekor Eko Diaper Pail. This hands-free system helps contain odors and uses post-consumer recycled materials for both the unit and refills, making it an eco-conscious choice for managing twin diaper disposal.

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If your twins look alike, can they share a passport?

The simple answer is no, twins can not share a passport. Each person needs their own passport document.

We’ll dive into more details below but remember to follow the laws of your country in regards to passports.

For our family here in the United States, we first got passport cards for our children (including our twins) because we knew we had a road trip to Canada on the calendar and didn’t have other international plans on the horizon. Plus passport cards were cheaper and since we had to renew more often with younger children we went with that option.

Fast forward to getting passport books for our children, everyone in the household got a passport.

Sure, our identical twin girls look the same to most people. However, you can’t walk up to border control, show one passport and then hand it off the other twins.

The only possible way I see sharing a passport working would be if one of your twins was traveling without her twin. Then there would be no way to tell one twin from the other. Unless fingerprints are involved. Even identical twins don’t have identical fingerprints.

Sharing passports seems more like something you’d see in a movie than is actually practical in real life.

Bottom line: don’t share passports. It can only lead to trouble. Here’s why…

Legal NecessityPassports are legal documents that verify an individual’s identity. Even though your twins may look identical, they are distinct individuals in the eyes of the law. Each twin has their own unique identity, complete with a separate birth certificate and social security number. Consequently, each twin requires their own passport.

Security ConcernsUsing the same passport for twins could pose significant security risks. It could lead to confusion at border control, cause delays in travel, and potentially result in legal issues. Immigration officials are trained to match passport photos with the individuals presenting them, and having two people using one passport would raise immediate red flags.

Application ProcessThe process for obtaining passports for twins is essentially the same as for any individual child. You’ll need to submit separate applications for each twin, along with their individual birth certificates, proof of citizenship, and passport photos. Be prepared to pay separate fees for each application.

In some countries, there may be slight variations in the process for twins. For instance, in the United States, if you’re applying for passports for twins under 16, both parents or guardians must be present at the passport acceptance facility, unless one parent has sole custody or provides a notarized consent form.

Cost ConsiderationsThe cost of obtaining passports for twins is simply double the cost of a single passport. However, keep in mind that expedited processing, if needed, will also double in cost. It’s wise to budget accordingly and apply well in advance to avoid rush fees.

Planning AheadApply for passports well before your planned travel date. Standard processing times can take several weeks, and unexpected delays can occur. It’s better to have the passports in hand months before your trip rather than anxiously waiting as your travel date approaches.

Organizing DocumentsKeep essential documents like birth certificates and proof of citizenship readily available. Make copies of all important documents and store them separately from the originals. This can be a lifesaver if documents are lost or stolen during travel.

Labeling and IdentificationClearly label all of your twins’ belongings, including passports, to avoid mix-ups. Consider using different colored passport holders or luggage tags to easily distinguish between your twins’ items.

Your Twins’ PassportsWhile twins cannot share a passport, the process of obtaining individual passports for them is straightforward. The key is to plan ahead, stay organized, and be prepared for the unique challenges of traveling with twins.

Remember, each twin’s passport is not just a travel document, but a symbol of their individual identity. By understanding and following passport regulations, you’re setting the stage for smooth, enjoyable international adventures with your twins.

For more information on passport regulations and travel tips for twins, consult your country’s passport agency (here’s the U.S. passport information) or visit reputable travel websites specializing in family travel. Happy and safe travels with your twins!

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Twins typically weigh less than singletons, averaging around 5.5 pounds each compared to 7 pounds for singletons. This is due to factors like shared resources and space in the womb. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), twins are more likely to experience growth restriction, which can lead to lower birth weights.

Range of Birth WeightsThe birth weight of twins generally ranges between 4 to 6 pounds. However, variations can occur, with some twins being born with extremely low or higher birth weights. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicates that over 50% of twins are born with low birth weight, defined as less than 5.5 pounds.

Growth ComparisonsTwins often grow at a slower rate compared to singletons, particularly in the third trimester, as resources become limited. According to the CDC, this phenomenon is known as intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR), which is more common in multiple pregnancies.

Factors Affecting Birth WeightFactors such as maternal health, gender of the babies, and maternal age play significant roles in determining birth weight. ACOG notes that adequate prenatal care, maternal nutrition, and avoiding stress can positively influence birth weight.

The types of twins you’re expecting can also impact birth weight.

Impact of Delivery MethodCesarean sections are common in twin deliveries, which can influence birth weight records due to the timing of delivery. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) states that planned cesarean sections are often recommended for twins to prevent complications that could arise from vaginal deliveries.

Safe Delivery TimingTwins are often delivered earlier than singletons, with viability starting around 24 weeks. However, ACOG suggests that the ideal delivery time is between 36 and 37 weeks to balance maturity and the risks associated with prolonged pregnancy.

Effects of Low Birth WeightLow birth weight in twins is associated with several health risks, including respiratory distress syndrome, feeding difficulties, and developmental delays. The World Health Organization (WHO) emphasizes the importance of managing these risks through specialized neonatal care.

Post-Birth ConsiderationsTwins, especially those with low birth weight, may require NICU care. The WHO recommends long-term monitoring to ensure they reach developmental milestones similar to their singleton counterparts.

Reducing Low Birth Weight RisksExpectant mothers of twins should focus on prenatal care, a balanced diet, and stress management to reduce the risks of low birth weight. ACOG highlights that regular check-ups and proper nutrition are crucial in achieving healthy birth weights.

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One common question that arises about twin pregnancies is that of the process of water breaking. Since there are two babies, can it happen twice?

Let’s explore the intricacies of water breaking in twin pregnancies, addressing the possibility of it happening twice and the what that means for you.

Before we start, let’s make sure you know about some key vocabulary associated with pregnancies:

• Amniotic sac: The fluid-filled membrane that surrounds and protects the fetus during pregnancy.
• Amniotic fluid: The protective liquid contained within the amniotic sac.
• Preterm labor: Labor that begins before 37 weeks of pregnancy.
• Preterm birth: Birth that occurs before 37 weeks of pregnancy.

Can a Woman’s Water Break Twice with Twins?The short answer is: it depends. The possibility of water breaking twice in a twin pregnancy is directly related to the type of twin pregnancy and the number of amniotic sacs present.

Diamniotic Twins (Most Common):In diamniotic twin pregnancies, each twin has its own separate amniotic sac. This means that water breaking can indeed occur twice, once for each sac as each twin prepares for birth. The time frame between each water break can vary significantly, from minutes to hours or even days in some cases.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), approximately 70-80% of twin pregnancies are diamniotic. In these cases, the rupture of membranes (water breaking) can occur independently for each fetus.

Our identical twin girls were diamniotic twins which meant they each had their own amniotic sac. We never saw a double water break since they were born via c-section before that could happen.

Monoamniotic Twins (Rare):In contrast, monoamniotic twins share a single amniotic sac. In these cases, water breaking will likely happen only once, as there is only one sac to rupture. Monoamniotic twin pregnancies are more rare, and come with increased risks such as umbilical cord entanglement, twin to twin transfusion syndrome, and preterm birth.

Additional Considerations:It’s important to note that in diamniotic pregnancies, both sacs may rupture simultaneously, giving the impression of a single water breaking event.

Additionally, twin pregnancies have a higher risk of early labor and preterm birth compared to singleton pregnancies.

If water breaking occurs, especially before 37 weeks of pregnancy, it’s crucial to seek immediate medical attention. Preterm premature rupture of membranes (PPROM) can lead to complications for both the mother and babies.

Risks and Complications:Water breaking, particularly if it occurs prematurely, can lead to several risks:

• Infection (chorioamnionitis)
• Preterm labor and birth
• Umbilical cord compression
• Fetal distress

The Mayo Clinic emphasizes the importance of prompt medical care in cases of preterm labor to manage these risks effectively.

Delivery Methods:The delivery method for twin pregnancies depends on various factors, including the type of twin pregnancy (diamniotic or monoamniotic), the position of the babies, and other health considerations. While vaginal delivery is possible for many twin pregnancies, cesarean section may be necessary in some cases. It’s essential to discuss delivery plans with your healthcare provider throughout your pregnancy.

What to Expect in Your Twin PregnancyWhether a woman’s water can break twice with twins primarily depends on the type of twin pregnancy. In diamniotic twin pregnancies, which are most common, it is indeed possible for water to break twice. However, in the more rare monoamniotic twin pregnancies, water breaking will likely occur only once.

Understanding the nuances of water breaking in twin pregnancies can help expectant parents be better prepared for what to expect. However, every pregnancy is unique, and it’s crucial to maintain open communication with your healthcare provider throughout your twin pregnancy journey. They can provide personalized advice and care based on your specific situation.

Remember, if you experience any signs of water breaking, especially before 37 weeks of pregnancy, seek medical attention immediately. With proper care and monitoring, many of the potential risks associated with preterm labor and birth can be effectively managed, leading to the best possible outcomes for both mother and your twins.

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As a father of identical twins, one of the biggest hurdles you’ll face each school year is helping teachers distinguish between your twins. It’s crucial for both the twins’ individual development and the teacher’s ability to provide personalized attention.

It isn’t uncommon for teachers to have trouble telling your twins apart – even we as parents sometimes do a double-take! But in a classroom setting, clear identification is vital. It helps prevent mix-ups in grading, ensures each child gets the right feedback, and allows the teacher to build individual relationships with each twin.

Here are some things you can try to help teachers tell your twins apart:

Color Coding ClothesAssign each twin a color. One may be your “blue boy” and the other your “green guy.” Every morning, one twin puts on a blue shirt while the other sports a green one. To keep things interesting, use different shades and patterns within each color family.

Unique AccessoriesLook at watches, earrings, wristbands, and other accessories to differentiate your twins from each other. For example, if your twins love superheroes, one can wear a Batman watch, while the other has a Spider-Man one. These accessories are not only easy identifiers but also conversation starters that help teachers remember which twin is which.

One of our girls has her ears pierced, the other doesn’t. This helps tell them apart unless they both have their hair down over their ears!

Different StylesWe’ve found that contrasting clothing styles work well too. Do one of your twins prefers button-up shirts, while the other loves graphic tees? This difference in style reflects their personalities and makes it easier for teachers to remember who’s who.

HairstylesWe’ve had fun experimenting with different hairstyles. When our girls were young, one always had bangs and her sister didn’t. It was a small difference that made a big impact in telling them apart.

ShoesFootwear can become another identifier for your twins. Try different styles, brands, colors, etc and this will give teachers an easy visual cue to who is who.

Explaining DifferencesAt the start of each school year, provide teachers with a written list of distinguishing features. For example, unique birthmarks, scars, moles, hair parts, etc.

Name AssociationLinking names to personality traits helps. For example, you may have a “Jolly Joe” and a “Silent Seth” which reflect their energy levels and demeanors. This technique can been a hit with teachers but be sure not to give them nicknames that could be demeaning.

Check in with teachers regularly, especially in the first few weeks of school. This allows you to tweak strategies if needed and ensures the teacher feels supported.

Additional Help for Teachers: Labeling Belongings: Everything from backpacks to lunch boxes should be clearly labeled. Use durable, waterproof labels to ensure they stay put. * Visual Aid: Create a “twin cheat sheet” for teachers. It’s an infographic that highlights your twins’ differences in appearance and personality. Teachers will find this incredibly helpful. * Encouraging Personal Interaction: We always encourage teachers to spend one-on-one time with each twin. This helps them get to know each twin as individuals, beyond their identical appearances. * Patience and Understanding*: It takes time for teachers to learn the subtle differences between twins. Offer encouragement and appreciate their efforts to get to know your twins as unique individuals.

In conclusion, helping teachers distinguish between twins requires a bit of creativity and consistent effort. But with these strategies in place, we’ve found that teachers quickly learn to tell our girls apart, allowing them to provide the individualized attention that every child deserves.

Remember, the goal is not just to tell them apart physically, but to celebrate and nurture their unique personalities and strengths.

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Raising infant twins undoubtedly presents unique challenges, but it also offers countless rewarding experiences that are both heartwarming and enriching.

As an expectant father of twins, it’s important to focus on the positive aspects and the unique joys that come with raising two babies at once.

Here are some of the best things about raising infant twins, supported by my experiences and insights of other twin parents:

Double the MilestonesShared Milestones: One of the most exciting aspects of raising twins is witnessing their milestones together. From their first smiles to their first steps, seeing both of your children reach these developmental stages simultaneously can be incredibly heartwarming. The joy of celebrating these moments is doubled, creating twice the memories to cherish.

Mutual Learning: Twins often learn from each other. When one twin masters a new skill, the other is usually not far behind, inspired by their sibling’s achievements. This mutual learning can expedite their development and make milestone moments even more special.

Unique Bond and CompanionshipBuilt-In Playmate: Twins have a built-in playmate from birth, fostering a unique and powerful bond. This companionship means they always have someone to play with, share secrets, and grow alongside. The sight of your twins interacting, laughing, and comforting each other is truly magical.

Empathy and Social Skills: Growing up with a twin helps children develop empathy and social skills from an early age. They learn to share, cooperate, and navigate social interactions with their sibling, which can positively impact their relationships with others as they grow.

Double the Love and JoyTwo Unique Personalities: Each twin has their own personality, quirks, and ways of expressing love. Experiencing the unique traits and growth of two distinct individuals is a joy. Watching how their different personalities complement and contrast with each other adds a fascinating dynamic to parenting.

Endless Cuddles and Affection: Having two babies means you receive double the cuddles, kisses, and affection. The bond you form with each twin is special and unique, and the love they give in return is boundless.

Support System for Each OtherComfort in Each Other’s Presence: Twins often find comfort in each other’s presence, especially during challenging times such as doctor visits or new environments. This built-in support system helps them feel secure and confident, knowing their sibling is always by their side.

Teamwork from Day One: Twins often learn the value of teamwork early on. Whether it’s working together to build a tower of blocks or collaborating on a creative project, the sense of teamwork developed between twins can be incredibly strong and enduring.

Parent and Community SupportShared Experiences: As a parent of twins, you become part of a unique community. Connecting with other twin parents can provide invaluable support, advice, and camaraderie. Sharing stories and tips with those who understand the unique journey of raising twins can be both reassuring and enriching.

Efficient Parenting Skills: Raising twins can sharpen your parenting skills quickly. The need to manage two infants simultaneously teaches you to be more organized, efficient, and resourceful. These skills not only benefit your parenting but can also translate into other areas of your life.

Look on the Bright SideWhile raising infant twins can be demanding, the positives far outweigh the challenges. From double the milestones and unique bonds to shared experiences and personal growth, the journey of parenting twins is filled with countless rewards. Embrace the joy, love, and fulfillment that come with raising two wonderful individuals who will share a lifelong bond.

Remember, each moment, no matter how small, is twice as precious when shared with your twins. Enjoy the adventure and cherish every step along the way.

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Here is a question from Justin. He says he has 20-month-old boy/girl twins, and he says the biggest issue right now is biting. “Do you have any advice on how to keep them from biting each other? That would be great.”

Biting is a challenge with any kid, of course. But particularly twins because they’re usually playing together, or spending time together and it’s much easier for them to want to reach out and bite each other.

When our twins would bite each other, we would:

1. stop the behavior
2. verbally explain that biting was not acceptable
3. redirect the offending twin into another activity

This worked okay for us as long as we were consistent in our enforcement.

Testing LimitsOf course your twins are going to start to look for the limits of your discipline, and they’ll start to challenge that. But if you are consistent in the actions that you take as a parent to counteract their bad behavior they’ll start to seek attention in other ways.

Find the WhyTry to identify why your twins are biting in the first place.

Are they teething? Do they want attention? Is it triggered by something that’s happening in your home or the actions of others?

Then try to address the root cause instead of just the symptom of biting.

When your child is biting the other child, you definitely have to stop their behavior, because it’s not acceptable and can clearly cause distress for the other child.

CommunicationEncourage your twins to use their words to express what they want, if they want to share, need some help, or if someone is doing something that doesn’t make them happy.

With very young twins, they may not have words because they can’t talk yet. We taught our kids basic baby signs so they could express themselves a little bit. And that helped us communicate with them much earlier than we would have otherwise.

Teach them some basic baby signs so they can express when they want something, when they want more of something, or when they’re done with something. It’s going to help mitigate frustrations that they have in communicating and deter biting as well.

Role-PlayingOnce the biting incident has stopped and during a calmer time, you can help prepare your twins to avoid trouble next time.

Use role-playing to demonstrate how to handle conflicts without biting. This can help twins practice appropriate reactions in a controlled environment.

Use puppets to act out scenarios where one puppet bites and the other responds appropriately. This can be a fun and engaging way to teach lessons to your young twins.

Calm Down SpacesCreate a calm-down area where each twin can go to relax when they feel overwhelmed. This space can include calming items like stuffed animals, books, or sensory toys.

Instead of time-outs, some parents use time-ins where they stay with the child in the calm-down space to help them process their emotions.

Empathy BuildingRegularly talk to your twins about their feelings and the impact of their actions on others. Helping them understand how biting hurts their sibling can build empathy.

Use emotion charts to help your twins identify and communicate their feelings. This visual tool can be particularly helpful for young children.

Physical OutletsEnsure your twins have plenty of physical activities to release their energy. Activities like outdoor play, dancing, or sports can reduce frustration and aggression.

If biting is related to teething, provide appropriate teething toys to satisfy their need to bite.

Routine and StructureMaintain a consistent daily routine to provide your twins with a sense of security and predictability. This can reduce stress and biting incidents.

Incorporate regular breaks and quiet times throughout the day to prevent overstimulation, which can lead to biting.

Parental ModelingModel calm and controlled behavior during conflicts. Show your twins how to handle disagreements peacefully. They are always watching how you interact with your partner, other children, and friends.

Stopping the Biting for GoodYou can create a supportive and effective plan to address this challenging issue in your home.

Remember, every child is different, and it may take time to find the right combination of techniques that work for your family.

Keep observing, adjusting, and most importantly, stay positive and supportive towards your twins as they learn and grow.

Picture by Donnie Ray Jones

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Your twins are invited to a friend’s birthday party. Of course they should bring a birthday gift. But the question is: should they bring two gifts (one from each twin) or one gift (a joint gift from both)?

Whether to bring one gift or two to a birthday party when you have twins can be nuanced and subjective. Based on the advice from other twin parents, here are several perspectives and unique ideas to consider:

Single GiftGiving one gift allows for several benefits:

• Cost and Practicality: Many parents suggest that one gift is practical, especially if it’s a more substantial or meaningful present. This approach can alleviate financial strain and ensure the gift is something the birthday child will genuinely enjoy. Since my twins have been old enough for an allowance or to make money on their own, they often prefer to pool their funds together to buy a larger gift than one could have purchased on her own.
• Collaboration: Some parents recommend involving both twins in selecting the gift. This joint effort can help foster teamwork and shared decision-making between the twins. As the parent, you might need to be the tie breaker if needed because, as you know, your twins won’t always agree.
• Presentation: A single gift, perhaps personalized from both twins, can be presented in a way that signifies it’s from both of them, such as including both names on the card or wrapping. Getting the credit for the gift has been important for our twin girls. So they both closely oversee gift wrapping and labeling operations.

Two GiftsWhen each twin gives a gift to the birthday child, it gives:

• Personal Touch: Bringing two separate gifts allows each twin to give something unique, reflecting their individual relationship with the birthday child. This can make the gifts feel more personal and thoughtful. If your twins are like mine, they will often have the same friend groups so that might mean they both know exactly the same things about the birthday child.
• Equal Participation: It ensures both twins feel equally involved in the act of giving. Each twin gets the opportunity to independently choose a gift, which can be important for their sense of individuality. My twins will stake a claim on the gift they want to give a friend so the twin’s sister won’t “steal” the idea and use it.
• Variety: With two gifts, there’s a chance to offer a variety of presents, catering to different interests of the birthday child. One twin might choose a toy, while the other might opt for a book, providing a good balance of distinct gifts. My girls will often get very different gifts for friends so that does keep it interesting.

Compromise SolutionsIt is possible to have a combined yet distinct gift option for your twins to give their friend.

• Dual Components: Consider a gift that comes in parts, such as a set of building blocks or a craft kit that can be divided between two packages. Each twin can present one part, highlighting their individual contribution while still maintaining a unified gift theme.
• Complementary Gifts: Another approach is for the twins to give complementary items, such as a backpack and matching lunchbox, or a book and a related toy. This maintains the idea of two gifts but ensures they complement each other.
• Shared Theme: Choose gifts within a shared theme but slightly different, such as two different characters from the same TV show or two different sets from the same toy line. This can be an exciting way for the birthday child to expand on their interests or grow their favorite collection.

Social and Emotional ConsiderationsWhen in doubt, reach out to the birthday child’s parents or other families that are attending to ask for guidance.

• Communication: Some parents recommend checking with the host family about their preference. They might have a particular stance on the matter, which can guide your decision.
• Cultural Norms: Understanding any cultural or family norms regarding gift-giving can also be helpful. Some cultures might have specific expectations about gift quantity or nature.

The older your twins are, the more likely they will have strong opinions on what to do.

• Involvement and Ownership: It’s important to consider the twins’ feelings about the gift-giving process. Ensuring they both feel involved and valued in the act of giving can be crucial for their social development.
• Avoiding Competition: Bringing two gifts can sometimes inadvertently lead to comparisons or competition between the twins. Balancing this by ensuring both gifts are of equal significance can help maintain harmony.

Practical TipsLet’s keep it real. In addition to your twins’ needs and those of the birthday child, you can only do what is practical for your family right now.

• Financial Balance: Set a budget for the total amount you’re willing to spend on the gift(s). Whether it’s one significant gift or two smaller ones, staying within this budget can help manage expectations and finances.
• Quality Over Quantity: Focus on the quality and thoughtfulness of the gift rather than the quantity. A well-chosen, meaningful gift can often be more appreciated than multiple less thoughtful items.

Whether to bring one gift or two to a birthday party when you have twins depends on various factors including practicality, the twins’ feelings, and the preferences of the host family. Balancing these considerations with a thoughtful approach can ensure the gift-giving experience is positive for everyone involved.

With each new birthday party, you can adjust your strategy after seeing what works and doesn’t with your twins.

Enjoy the party!

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Episode 309 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Kris Lloyd, father of non-identical girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Found out at 8-9 weeks about twins
• Trouble free pregnancy and delivery
• Getting support from family and friends
• Hospitals were busy for regular scans and had to push for a plan.
• 37 weeks of pregnancy water broke, emergency c-section after about a day
• Dad was not allowed in room due to operation.
• Formula feeding babies
• Transitioning back to work
• When twins started crawling
• Slept through night since about 12 weeks
• Daily schedule for 9 month olds
• Started in parent’s room for first 6 months
• Time off with work 3 weeks (partner 8-9 months)
• Working Monday-Friday 60 hours a week and still staying connected with twins
• Didn’t need two jumpers, walkers, etc. as only one wanted to use it at the time.
• Childproofing the house now that twins are mobile
• and more…

Connect with Kris on Instagram.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe: Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Kris Lloyd. Welcome to the show, Kris.

Kris: Hi.

Joe: Kris, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age?

Kris: They are turning nine months old tomorrow and I’m finding that this is the age now where they’re starting to, you know, not so much just stay still now. One of my twins, Carly, she’s started crawling yesterday properly. My other twin, Casey, is now starting to try and crawl as well. They’re sort of more involved with everything now. They’re not just, you know, food, sleep. They’re not just basically just drinking their milk, going to sleep, and playing. They’re so involved now, and they’re becoming a real personality now and finding, “Yeah, that’s the best bit that’s happening right now is that I’m starting to realize they’re becoming a person. They’re in a weird way that may sound, they’re starting to have their own little personalities. The way that you’re starting to realize what they like and what they don’t like, what gets them happy, what makes them excited.

Joe: They’re very similar reactions. Like you mentioned likes and dislikes, are they similar or are they very different?

Kris: Similar with the likes and dislikes as in they both love weetabix and snacks and crisps like baby flavored crisps. They have the same dislikes, but as people, they are very different ones, very, like, Casey’s very much wants to be involved with everything, wants to play with everything, wants to get involved. Whereas Carly, my other twins, she’s very much, will sit back and, you know, sort of watch what’s going on and learn and then progress.

Joe: Are your twins identical or non identical?

Kris: Non identical. They’re DC, DA, I think the term is DC, DA twins. They’re non identical. And as they are getting a bit older now, I’m starting to realize big differences with them. They are very similar if you were to look at them and don’t see them every day. I feel like you would say, “Oh, they’re pretty similar.” But as a dad, I can tell them. That’s right. We spend so much time with our kids. We start to notice a lot of the differences really early.

Joe: What’s a typical daily schedule like for your nine-month-olds as far as sleeping, eating, stuff like that?

Kris: They’ve always been good at sleeping. They’ve always pretty much from about, I’d say about 12 weeks, they’ve always slept right through the night. We’ll give or take, you know, at the odd feed here and there, but not often. But now they tend to sleep from about half, six, seven o’clock at night until about, again, they normally wake up about four, half, four, have a bone, so you give them a dummy. I think, what is it you call them? America pacifiers.

Joe: Pacifier, yep.

Kris: Yep, you give them that and they will go doze back off then go back to sleep for about half six, until about half six, seven in the morning. So they sleep really well.

And I find that with twins, my partner finds this more, as she tells me, with twins, if you have a routine, it works a lot better for them and for you. They just seem to, they know if you go say five minutes past when they should be asleep, you know, because they kick off, they start crying get an upset so it’s they’re really really good really good like they they sleep until about half six seven o’clock most mornings they’ll go get up we’ll feed them a bottle we will then take them downstairs play they’ll have like you know a few slices of toast cut up and then they will go down for a sleep about half past half past nine ish roughly until about half past ten then quarter to 11. And then again, they wake up then play, have dinner, have another bottle near towards half one, half one issues when they’ll then go back down for another nap until about give or take three o’clock. And then again, wake up, play. And then they go, have a bath or a shower. And then they’re in bed then for six, half six and rinse and repeat the same routine.

Joe: Are they in your room with you?

Kris: No, they, from just before six months old, we’ve had them in a different room. First of all, they were together in our room for the first six months, but then, ’cause they outgrew the, the, the cot that they were in, we then had to separate them. And the only way we could separate them was putting them in their own cots. And the only place with enough room for that was in the, was in their room. So we obviously at that point separated them, pop them in their own cots.

Joe: You mentioned the importance of schedule and routine. Did you do something intentionally to help get that started in the early weeks and months with the twins?

Kris: It’s not so much me. I like to say as the father I’ve been, I only had three weeks off from work when they were born. Obviously my partner in the UK, the gentleman 10 forget three weeks off work paid and then the partner gets roughly eight, nine months off. So, but my partner is a, she works in childcare. She works in a nursery as a manager. So she knows the importance, you know, she works with children basically very all the time. So she knows routine is very important. So from the start, she was very, very, you know, she knew what she was doing. So she, we set the routine straight away and trying to keep them on routines. And as obviously they get older, have less sleep and have more feeds and then less feeds and then onto solid food so you know she’s honestly she’s brilliant with the routine but I feel like if you don’t have a routine it may be a bit sporadic with the two with two as well especially twins. Absolutely we learned early on as well just like you that if they were on a schedule things went a lot more easily for us than if we just let things happen randomly so it’s good that you had a good routine for them.

Joe: So does that mean that your partner’s back to work already or is she still home with the twins?

Kris: Yeah, she’s back to work now. She went back two weeks ago. She went back, so we’re paying, sorry, not paying. So the, we put them in nursery for on a Monday, oh sorry, yeah, a Monday and a Friday. We put them into nursery and then half day on the Wednesday ’cause my partner has a half day Wednesday, So she’s able to have them and then her mother looks after them on the Tuesday and the Thursday But over in the UK, I don’t know what it’s like in America I’ve never have never looked but it cost a lot of money to have people have people look after your children in childcare It’s costed it costs more Per month to have the my twins in childcare for two and a half days a week than it does for the house per month It’s it’s a lot of money

Joe: Yeah, that’s very common here. The pricing is ridiculous, especially when not just you, but other twin parents compares it to the taking care of the whole house for the month, it can get out of control.

Kris: That’s the thing. So the only way that I find, not the only way, but as a working-class family, we haven’t got millions in the bank, we haven’t had money passed down towards me and my partner. We work for what we have. So we found that we both have to work to be able to afford the childcare, to be able to afford the house. So I personally, I’m a truck driver, like a lorry driver. So I’m doing 60, 65, 70

hours a week away from home. I stay away from home Monday through to Friday. And I feel like, you know, that’s what I have to do to be able to earn the money to make sure my kids can have what they need when they grow up. when they grow up and you know, always have that support financially. And then my partner obviously is having to work as well to cover all the other costs. So it’s expensive, but it’s worth every second of it. I mean, yeah.

Joe: Are you able to come home at night from work? Are you traveling all across the. All across the United Kingdom, all over the country of Great Britain.

Kris: So no, I’m I tend to be away. I leave the house Monday morning and then I don’t come home till Friday afternoon.

Joe: Are you able to stay connected with your twins in any way?

Kris: FaceTime, it tends to be when my partner was off work, she’d FaceTime me throughout the day, but now she’s back in work. Obviously we FaceTime first thing in the morning when the kids wake up, so I can say good morning. And then we pretty much, I don’t see them then until when they come back from nursery or my partner comes home from work, and then I’ll speak to them then, and then they pretty much just go to bed. So at the moment I’m watching them grow up through a phone more than in person, but that’s just, as I feel like we have to do to make sure that they have a comfortable life and a comfortable upbringing.

Joe: Yeah, it does require some sacrifice from both parents. And sometimes that’s what it takes to make everything work with the family. How was the conversation with your partner’s about watching the twins was that always kind of the plan?

Kris: Yeah it was not always kind of the plan but her mother is absolutely fantastic she’s a very much a child-friendly person as in the whole the whole of my partner’s family is they are you know anything they can do they’ll do it to help and it was originally she was offering to have them all week so we never had to put them into nursery but we felt like if we put them into a nursery they will learn you They’ll be with other kids that are slightly older than them, slightly younger than them, and they will learn more skills and they will have social abilities. They will obviously, if there’s a kid that’s two months older than them, the kid might be crawling. And then in nursery, they will watch the other children, what they do, and then start either doing it themselves or looking into how to do it. And also with nursery, there is so much variety for what to do with the kids. There’s only so many times at home you can put them in walkers in bouncers or play with toys or read books. So I think with nursery it was sort of a we were pretty adamant they were going to go.

Joe: It sounds like a good balance where you have some time out of the home, some time with family and still able to manage all that. Let’s go back to when you found out that you would be having the twins. What was the situation like at that point? What was your reaction?

Kris: Well, we found out we were pregnant and then a few weeks later, I think that was around eight, nine weeks, it was very early on. A few weeks later, my partner had, we had some scares, some troubles. So we went to the hospital and I won’t lie, we expected the worst, expected to loss the baby and they did the scan for us to check to see if we had lost the baby and they turned around and said to us, “Right, don’t worry, your baby’s fine.” And the other one. And when we heard that, you felt panicking a bit. It’s a bit of a shock when you find out you’re having twins because it’s already daunting to know you’re having a child and then when you find out out you’re having too, you think, oh, it’s going to be double the cost, double the commitment. You know, you start to think the worst as in you won’t, are you going to be okay? But honestly, it’s once you get over that initial shock, honestly, it’s the best thing in the world. It is. It is. There’s a lot of shock and a lot of stress to try to figure everything out. But in the end, it’s a great joy to be a dad and to be a father of twins, for sure.

Joe: Could, how did the pregnancy go? Were there any complications or challenges there?

Kris: No, trouble three, the whole pregnancy. We seem to have been very lucky with the whole, the pregnancy and obviously up to nine months now we’ve had no

issues. It’s been, we’re one of the very lucky ones. The only problems we had, which I don’t know if it’s more, I think it’s more of a British thing is we, the hospitals are that busy. They don’t, it’s hard for them to get you in, you know to be able to have the regular scans and to be able to set a plan because they over here were meant to have a plan. I say over here in America you have the same you have a plan where you say right at 34 weeks you’re gonna have this scan 35 weeks this we want you to deliver around 37 weeks if that you know we want you to deliver to deliver the baby this way or that way or cesarean or natural or yeah but we we sort of didn’t have that because we were just being thrown pillar to post because it was twins and doctors were saying you know go to this doctor come to this doctor and yeah that was the only problem we really had as in as the pregnancy we had like say other than the scare at the very start we had no problems at all it was very smooth sailing so do you feel like you didn’t get enough uh scans enough attention because because of the twins it wasn’t you know it wasn’t a lot it was so much the attention but it’s we had a few scans but in the end i had to ring up the hospital and say look my partner needs a plan we need to know what we’re going to do that’s 37 weeks because that’s when obviously you’re meant to give birth to twins we need because it got to 35 and a half 36 weeks we still didn’t know whether we were going to go for a natural birth whether we’re going to have of the Caesarean, we didn’t know. And we’d had no advice on it. And we just, in the end, you had to ring up the hospital and then we’re still going through the means now of writing a formal complaint over it due to, well, if we didn’t have the fantastic support of our family and friends, we would probably be, probably been a lot scarier than what it was.

Joe: Yeah, I know. Having a plan, at least you kind of know to work towards and what to expect. So when it’s you’re trying to get everything lined up there for the birth of the twins, how far into the pregnancy did the twins make it? Did they make it to 37 weeks?

Kris: Yeah, 37 weeks to the dot. They arrived. Well, sorry, 36 weeks and six days the waters broke. We went into a hospital to have the waters broke anyway because my partner hadn’t started showing any signs of giving birth yet. So we went into the hospital to have the waters broke via medicine. And as we got to hospital to do that, naturally her waters broke. So it was about– it took just shy of a day. And in the end, we had to go for an emergency cesarean because there was– we had a few– not complications, but the babies just weren’t coming when they should have. and you only have a set amount of time from when you’re 10 centimeters. I can’t remember what the saying is now. It was a blur. It was a bitty day when you’re pretty much ready to give birth and the babies aren’t coming, especially with twins. It can stress the second twin out. So in the end, for the safest option, they said, right, we’ll just have a, uh, we’ll just do an emergency cesarean, which is quite scary in itself. Obviously my partner gets put under. She’s asleep. And then I wasn’t allowed in the room because it’s an operation. I’m not allowed to be in the room. So I had to be kicked out of the room. And when the first thing you have kids see when they, you know, when they open their eyes to the real world is just doctors in blue suits. They don’t see their mum or their dad. And I found that personally quite scary. And, you know, I can’t put the words to it. I found that quite, uh, worrying in a way because I wanted, you know, you want your kids, the first thing they see when they open their eyes to the world is one of their parents at least. But we, like I said, the doctors were fantastic at the time, the surgeons that helped. And as soon as the kids were born, they were cleaned up and brought straight to me in the waiting room. So and then about an hour later, my partner come around after the operation and we went over to her with the twins.

Joe: Wow, yeah, that is a crazy where you’re not allowed to see the birth. Is that because of the emergency nature of the operation or is every C-section like that?

Kris: You’ve got your

natural birth. You’ve then got your plantarian, which is, they plan it so they know 37 weeks at two o’clock they’re gonna cut you open, take the kids, take the kids out from the procedure. But an emergency one, it’s just a case of the panic operation. So it needs to be a sterile area. The surgeons need the room to operate because they need to be able to see if anything’s going on. And if something does go wrong, I think the last thing a surgeon probably wants is, you know, dad screaming down the road saying, you know, sort this out. They need to concentrate. So I think it’s more for safety than anything else, but, uh, which I understand, but as you can imagine, it’s, uh, it’s not, it’s not the best thing in the world when you get kicked out.

Joe: Yeah, that’s hard because yeah, you want to be there to support your partner. You want to be there to welcome the babies and to be separated. And then you’re just kind of sitting, waiting and waiting and waiting. You don’t know if everything has gone well with the operation, if everything hasn’t gone well. And next minute the door swings open and in comes a cart with you. You’re two beautiful baby daughters. Well, in my case, anyway, obviously twins come in male, female, female.

Kris: Yeah. But, you know, but yeah, my two, my two beautiful girls came through and yeah, it was a very emotional.

Joe: Was everyone able to recover and come home quickly from the hospital or did the girls, obviously the whole, the whole pregnancy was brilliant. She recovered. I think they say minimum you need to be in hospital is three days to three days, just so they can check that either twins are feeding and be that there’s no problems with my partner where she’s at the operation and you know, she’s back to full strength and the kids are at full strength. And by the time they’ve registered the children as born and done all the tests their eyes that he hears you two days anyway to do them all and test. So we came home just halfway through the second day and haven’t looked back since. It’s been well obviously other than yesterday I had to go to hospital but yeah no no it was it was all fine.

Joe: What did you have success with as far as feeding goes? Was was mom able to breastfeed or was Formula feeding, bottle feeding, what worked for you?

Kris: We went with formula feeding because it’s twins. We thought with a single baby, breastfeeding is easy. My partner did want to breastfeed if it was a single, but because it was twins, we just thought it’d be too much of a demand, A, on her body, and B, it might just weaken her recovery because all the nutrients she’s producing for the breast milk of nutrients she could be using to heal herself and get herself better and after the operation. So we just thought it’s the fafest and probably the best option for us is to go on to on to a formula.

Joe: Yeah, formula also gives us as dads a chance to participate in the feeding more than if mom was just exclusively breastfeeding. That’s one thing that I enjoyed when we were able to bottle feed our girls was I could actually participate more than if it was just my wife feeding them.

Kris: Yeah, you can help out if it’s been a long day, like you say, you can as the dad can feed and then give your partner time to go and have a cup of a cup of tea or, you know, just relax for two minutes. But like you say, if it is breastfeeding, it is pretty much, you know, only the mother can do it unless you pump breast pump into bottles. But again, that’s more effort.

Joe: So what do you remember about those early days with the infants at home? What were some of the challenges or things that were working at that time?

Kris: I found I remember more than anything how well I expected, you know, 24 hours a day to hear screaming, crying. The first couple of days, all the kids pretty much do is sleep, wake up for when they’re hungry. So you give them a ball and sleep again. I found it amazing how many times they actually feed when they’re just been born, how many times they actually feed, they have little and often. So every two to three hours they were having, I’m sure it was only one and a half, two ounces. But it was very quiet, I was expecting screaming, crying, but it was, I think because they were with each other as well, in a way they were sort of soothing each other. So it was, yeah, no, It was all right. You obviously hear all the horror stories, don’t you? Of

the first couple of days, babies don’t feed, they don’t scream. But like I say, we’ve been incredibly lucky and our girls fed when they showed, they slept when they showed. And yeah, I can’t I can’t give you any horror stories, I’m afraid for.

Joe: No, it’s good. It’s good to hear that not every pair of twins is a crazy situation. It’s wonderful to hear stories like yourself where pregnancy goes pretty well, delivery goes relatively smoothly, even though you did have an emergency there, but then babies come home and things go pretty normal. That’s very, that’s kind of good to share because otherwise people may get overwhelmed with all the potential horrible things that can happen, but that’s not always the case.

Kris: Yeah, I find that there’s a lot, you see a lot on social media of twin groups and it’s all scary this and my twins won’t do this and my twins won’t feed, my twins won’t sleep. And I sit there and I go, is it really, Is it really that bad and I’ve been incredibly lucky or is it just people are being having unlucky moments with their twins? But I know, honestly, I can’t complain. And the way that my my twins are, it’s a massive credit to their mother, like I say, because I was only home the first three weeks of the birth after the birth for it. So the way that they sleep, the routines they’re in, the progress they’ve made, I can only give credit to their mother. she’s been absolutely brilliant and an incredible partner as well to be around. Not only is it a difficult period for her and a difficult period for the kids, but it’s also a difficult period as the father. And honestly the support she’s given them children, the support she gives me, I can’t thank her enough. She’s brilliant.

Joe: That’s wonderful. Sounds like you have a wonderful partner. You mentioned you had also some great support from friends and family. How were they able to help maybe during the pregnancy or with the infants?

Kris: With the pregnancy, friends and family, again, the friends were more last minute support for myself and my partner, ’cause you do have, through any pregnancy, whether it’s single or twins, you have your days where you feel upset or you’re just not 100% there ’cause you’re worried about what if something happens in the future. So I found that friends were great for me anyway there. They would always calm me down and say, you know, it’s going to be fine. You’re going to be great. Don’t worry. And with family, it was always, especially my partner’s family, it was always anything she needed. She got it. If she, you know, all my feet are hurt, in next minute, her sister turns up with a foot bath or next minute, you know, her mother turns up with some cream to help her feet. And it’s just, it’s a big team effort. It’s a massive family. In a way, you know, they welcomed me in, to welcome the twins in straight away. And it’s just, yeah, they are brilliant. The whole family are absolutely fantastic.

Joe: That’s wonderful. That’s wonderful to have such a great support network. How was the transition from, you said you had about three weeks off of work and then you had to go back on the road again, driving. How was that transition, leaving mom at home with the kids? And how did that work out?

Kris: Well, luckily just before she fell pregnant, I took a different job where I was home at night. I was still trucking, but I was only locally. So I was home every night. But the transitional period in the day was difficult because you’re used to seeing your kids and being there. And it just stops. You have to go out and work. But I found that I have to put myself in the mindset of, I’m doing this for my kids. So, and then it does, you know, in a way it’s not as bad when you go to work, then you don’t overthink things because you’re doing this to be able to provide. Um, it’s only recently with the nursery costs that I’ve had to start working away, um, full time going away again because the nursery costs are that much. And, um, with my partner going back to work, we didn’t really have much of a choice.

Joe: So when you were home at night, would you and your partner get up in the night to take care of them? Or did you take turns or work for you?

Kris: Yeah, it was more at the start, it was me and my partner. We’d get up, I’d feed one, she’d feed the other at the very start and as we

‘ve got a bit, as I’ve gone back to work and we’ve got a bit older, sorry, the kids have got a bit older, she’s more done the night feeds. So I can get some sleep because the last thing anyone needs to be behind the wheel of a 44 ton truck and be tired, dozing it off asleep, it’s not safe, is it? So this is what I mean by, when I say she’s been absolutely fantastic, she understands that. So she’s been very supportive and she’ll look after the twins at night and just let me get some sleep. She can sleep in the day when they’re asleep.

Joe: Has there been any kind of baby gear or supplies have made life a little bit easier at your home?

Kris: What we found is, I don’t know if every family is like this, but we don’t put our children in front of the television if we can help it. We try and keep them away from TV, especially the first, obviously the first couple of months, they’re not interested anyway. But when they start to look around, I’ve seen a lot of people say, “Oh, my child wouldn’t sleep tonight. She wouldn’t go to bed early, but you know, we watch TV for four hours And you know, we don’t as a family. We don’t agree with that. We want to spend time with them So but now we’re at the age where they are nine months. I feel like at the end of the night, you know when mum’s tired I’m tired We can put the tv on for half an hour say watch one child’s episode of not learning numbers or something like my miss rachel and It just gives you that little break. So in my opinion, if I was to give any advice, I’d say keep the TV away from them until you absolutely need that little break for half an hour. Um, again, with twins, it’s just a case of you buy. I found that we bought two of everything to walkers, to jumpers, to, you know, to everything, but they won’t want to do it at the same time. So I found that the second one hardly got used much because they, you know, with the walker, they now obviously with the walkers, they’re both in them because they’re walking, but more with the jumpers, they don’t jump a roof. They’re called the only one of them wants to go in at a time. And then the other one that isn’t in it wants to be in the exact one that they’re twin sisters in. So you just found the other one just sit there. Yeah, you could have two of everything, but they always want the same exact. They always want the same thing. Exactly. Yeah. So, I mean, that was useful. We’ve got a Tommy sippy prep machine, which was it does the bottles for you You know, you put eight ounces eight scoops of powder in it for the formula and it it makes the bottle for you. We found that was Brilliant, especially for the night feeds because you don’t have to go downstairs boil the kettle let it cool down You know and then wait for them to wake up whereas as soon as we knew that they were hungry they cry, press the button, make the bottles straight away instantly and they’re the perfect temperature. So definitely 100% I’d recommend a Tommy Tippie or some sort of prep machine, just especially for the night feeds because it does help out a lot. Other than that, as we’re finding out now, lots of baby gates because now they’re on the move, they are everywhere.

Joe: Yeah, as far as childproofing the house and making it safe, what does kind of surprise you that you needed to do?

Kris: It’s pretty much everything. Every floor has to be covered with something soft. We’ve got a laminated floor downstairs. So it’s not solid, but it’s not soft. So obviously, we’ve got rugs and we’ve just bought a big massive play map for there because they’ve got their own room in the back of the house called a play room, full of their toys, their walkers, everything. You have to cover everything. any, not even just sharp, any sort of, anything that sticks out has to be covered. Everything that could be pulled off has to be pushed out the way so they can’t reach it. It is, you have to turn your house into a bouncy castle basically.

Joe: That’s true. They seem to discover places and things that you did not know were in your house.

Kris: Things I didn’t even know existed. Like I can’t, if I, when we feed them their tea, they have little cups of water afterwards to help, you know, put, um, to give them a drink. They’ll find them cups of water anywhere in the house,

and they will grab hold of them and they will take the lids off and they’ll find a way to get the whole crew all over the floor.

Joe: Yeah. The fun never stops with, uh, the kids, especially once they start crawling, which is the stage of life that you’re in right now. So good luck. Cause it’s super mobile.

Kris: That’s it now. Now, well now they’re super mobile. Like you say, they’re, They’re everywhere now. They seem to have newfound confidence now. They’re trying to climb on everything, climb onto the sofa. They’re trying to climb up the TV stand. And it’s a full-time job watching them now.

Joe: That it is. Well, Chris, as we wrap up the show today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Kris: My partner has an Instagram for the twins. It’s called the Lloyd twins. that’s T-H-E-L-L-O-Y-D twins. And you’ll see the profile picture on it. It’s me, my partner and the two Gorgeous Girls. That’s probably the best way. She posts on there daily, two, three, four times a day, pictures of them, pictures of us, what we’re getting up to. And I feel like, you know, it’d be nice for people to see day-to-day life as twins. It’s not all doom and gloom because we don’t have that. As I say, it’s all on there. It’s always good things. If you ever need, anyone ever needs to message us about any questions about anything that I’ve said, or you’re direct to my partner who, like I say, controls most of it. So it would be, yeah, more than welcome to help, more than happy to help.

Joe: Excellent, thank you for sharing that. Chris, we really were grateful for your time today. Thank you for coming on the show.

Kris: Not a problem at all. Thank you for having me.

Joe: I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Chris about his adventures as a father of twins. If you wanna connect with Chris, I’ll link up to his Instagram in the show notes for this episode. You can go to the archive of all episodes, including this one, directly by going to twindadpodcast.com. Once again, that’s twindadpodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Chris did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me on Instagram or X. My handle is @twindadjo. Also, I’m on Facebook.com/dadsguidetowins or you can email me directly, joe@dadsguidetotwins.com, and I would love to hear from you. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins, “How to Thrive as a Father of Twins.” You can get this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. And if you found this episode enjoyable, would you do me a favor and share it with another dad that you know that may be expecting or raising twins? I would really appreciate it. Thanks so much, and I’ll see you next time.

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The post Working to Afford Twins, Emergency C-Section, and Getting Babies on a Schedule with Kris Lloyd – Podcast 309 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Episode 308 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Kris Pruett, father of four boys including fraternal twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• When twin fraternal boys look very different
• Developing different interests in children
• One twin physically gifted vs other not
• Having two additional boys after twins
• Dealing with congenital heart disease for third son
• Sharing a room as twins
• Setting behavior expectations with children
• Teaching money skills with allowance
• Moving twins to homeschool during pandemic
• Handling sibling rivalries and dynamics
• Keeping marriage strong while raising young children
• Why keeping twins on the same sleep schedule saved their sanity
• and more…

Connect with Kris via the Team Graycen page on Facebook.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe: Today I would like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Kris Pruett.

Kris: Thanks for having me.

Joe: Kris, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age?

Kris: So my twins are actually, they just turned 10 the week before Christmas this past year. And two boys, paternal, they don’t look a thing alike. And the exciting thing right now, I think is just seeing their different personalities come out, seeing their different interests as they get older. Like I said, they look starkly different. My wife’s Hispanic, so and I’m Caucasian. So one of my boys is obviously darker, complected than the others. That’s a fun dynamic for whenever we have to tell people that they’re twins and they’re like, no way. But seeing their personalities grow, seeing their interests differ is pretty fun.

Joe: That is fun. We have identical twin girls, so I never quite experienced what you’re describing, but it seemed like once they got out of the infant baby stage, where you’re always in the double stroller carrying around, nobody ever seemed to know that they were twins. You mentioned some developing interests in your boys at this age. What are they, what are they into these days?

Kris: So it’s interesting. One of my son has always been more physically gifted. He walked first, he crawled first, he rolled over first. He’s been a lot more spatially aware of like his own physical body and, and all of that type of thing. And the other one has been more, I guess like software, he’s been drawn more to like whenever he plays on his iPad, he’s a little bit more gifted in that area. I’m like playing video games and different things like that. So, but he’s less physically gifted. Like he walked, or it took him longer to start walking. It took him longer to start crawling. So that’s been interesting. So my son, the more physical one is interested in flag football and, and soccer and those types of things. And he’s faster. He’s taller. He’s, you know, just more physical. And then the other one wants to play e-sports, you know, he wants to play video games and those kinds of things. He does want to play soccer. He’s interested in that, but not near as excited, you know, visibly on him. You can’t really see that visible excitement about physical activity.

Joe: Has that physical difference been consistent since birth?

Kris: Since birth, yes. Yeah. So we had them at 33 weeks and four days. And they were supposed to be due in like February. We had them the week before Christmas in 2013. So yeah, we had them late 2013 and whenever they were born, maybe A was Braden, he was 4’8″ and then Jackson, the more physical one was 5’5″ and that has been the way ever since they were born. At this point now, I think Jackson’s about four inches taller than Braden and weighs about a hundred and five pounds. And, uh, and then he also outweighs Braden as well. So they’re, they’re very big disparity between the two. That’s what also makes it kind of funny when we say they’re twins because of the, of that four inch height difference. So they always assume that Jackson’s the older one whenever Braden is, um, he’s actually three minutes older. So there’s one contraction in between the two of them. And as we tell people that they’re like, Oh, that’s wild, you know, like they would have no idea.

Joe: Yeah. We know we have some friends of eternal twins as well. And they have a big size difference between their boys. And yeah, you wouldn’t know at first glance if they ever twins or just brothers. You mentioned other children. Are they older or younger than your twins?

Kris: So the twins came first and then six years later, it was a couple of weeks after our twins turned six, we had baby number three. And he was born full term, 38 weeks. Um, he was like eight, 14 when he was born, um, size wise. And then, uh, we had another surprise. Um, our fourth one, and these are all boys. Uh, we had him June of 21 and, uh, he was 10 pounds, five ounces when he was born. So that’s when we kind of shut the factory down and said, okay, no more. Cause our babies just keep on getting bigger. So it’s like, if we have a child that’s going to be a 12 pounder, might as well just, you know, hang up this case for now and go from there.

Joe: Well, having the twins first, how do you think that prepared you for having, you know, just one at a time or some of the big differences you saw there?

Kris: Well, we were hoping that it would make it a lot easier for having just a single child, but the doctor did warn us. They, uh, they said, okay, since you had twins first, and since, you know, her HGG levels are so high that she stood to have twins or multiples, like a 60% chance of having those at her second pregnancy. So we were like, okay, we probably need to just hold off for a while. And we had some complications getting pregnant with the twins, but once we started paying attention to like ovulation cycles and diet and those types of things, it really only took us a few months of really paying attention. But once we got pregnant with our third, about 20 weeks in the big anatomical scan that they do, we found out that he has congenital heart defect, which turned into congenital heart disease, which is a chronic illness that affects one out of every hundred children. So we thought that having a single child third would be more simple, and then God had a different plan and kind of threw us that wrench in the mix. So that was very exciting after the 20th week of his gestation, trying to mitigate all those issues.

Joe: And how was that played out?

Kris: It’s played out really well. Um, he had surgery, he had two band-aid surgeries. I call them band-aid surgeries. It was really just to prepare him for a larger surgery. Um, he had a surgery at seven days old and then he had surgery at six months old. And, um, and then finally had his, uh, last surgery with last summer at three and a half years old, he recently turned four in January. Um, but he’s sitting all this marks developmentally. He’s doing really well. Um, if you wouldn’t, if you don’t see the scar on his chest, you wouldn’t really know he had any sort of issue. So we were very fortunate.

Joe: Yeah. That’s great that he’s hitting his milestones since that’s some good care to help along that path.

Kris: : Absolutely. Yeah. We’ve had some great doctors. We used to live in Texas. We actually, I mean, my wife were born and raised there. And then COVID hit, we kind of, we’ve always wanted to live up north. So once we got to all clear from the cardiologist for my third son, we moved up here to Washington, Washington state. And we’ve been up here ever since late 2021, right about the time our fourth son was about six months old. So, so that’s been a kind of a change of pace, but we really enjoyed it and being in a different area and experiencing new things, giving our twins different sports and things to pursue has been an also an exciting thing to get to do.

Joe: So House Full of Boys, let’s talk about. I’ve got two boys and two girls, and I know boys and girls are very different in raising. With your four boys, how has it been being a father of boys and how’s identity, the kind of relationship building between you and them worked out?

Kris: It’s worked out really well. It’s interesting because I grew up with two older sisters. So I was the only boy in my family at all. And it’s fine, we found out we were pregnant. My dad was like, you know, it’d be cool if you had twin girls. And I was just like, well, dad, if I don’t have any boys, this is the end of the name. I mean, I’m the last boy, last in the weekend, so I gotta have some sons. And I pulled it off, I got four, so. But being a boy, dad, it’s nice for me just cause I understand, you know, physically what’s going on with them at each step of the way. Just cause I am a man myself. And I always told my wife, if we had daughters, I mean, I probably would have been not the disciplinarian. They probably would have gotten away with a ton. But I hear from other girl dads and they say that that’s not true. So, but I would not know at all. But being a boy dad, it’s, it’s fun. We, we have a lot of fun. There’s, um, having friends that are the same age, and same developmentally, and we’re reaching that age at 10 where they’re starting to argue more, and they’re starting to have a little bit more gifts and things like that. So mitigating that every day has been fun. Trying to decide, do we ground them? Do we take away privileges? Do we take away screen time? And those kinds of things. We’re trying to be the less, picking our disciplinary actions very carefully, I guess, that that’s the way that we try to do it. But it’s interesting having twins and then we have two other boys that are only 18 months apart. So we found that there’s two separate friend groups, but they’re all together can play as well. So that’s been fun. So we can have the twins downstairs playing and doing what they want to do. And then we can have the little ones upstairs playing and they can do whatever they want to do. And everyone’s happy because they have sort of a a built-in sibling slash friend that’s around the same age where they can play with the same poise. I think it has been, has been fun.

Joe: Yeah, that’s nice. How are the kind of the bedroom sleeping arrangements for, for your boys?

Kris: Yeah. So we, we moved up here in a fifth wheel camper, which was crazy. We had four children and a great day that we moved up here with. And we stayed in that camper for two years and it wasn’t a small camper, like 43 feet long. It wasn’t tiny, but still six people in such a small area is crazy. And then recently we moved into a townhome that has three levels. It’s four bedroom, three and a half bath. So our twins, we gave them the basement. So they have their bedroom, they have a big playroom, and then they have their own bathroom, full bathroom downstairs. And then the smaller ones have their own room together and they’re on the same floor as us upstairs. And then we have the main living area in the middle. And that’s worked out really well. Art twins have actually maintained a shared room all their life. So ever since they were born, we put them in the same crib. They got, they kind of outgrew that. We put them in separate cribs and then eventually moved them into toddler beds, twin beds, and those kinds of things. So that worked out really well. And they’ve enjoyed, you know, being together. I think once we probably get into the teen years, we’ll look at separating their rooms and them having their own spaces, um, just to kind of spread out and, and have that area, but for right now it’s working really well. I’m having them separate.

Joe: Our girls have shared a room their entire lives as us, as have our sons. I mean, our sons are Singletons, but they’ve always been roommates since that was their early days. So they don’t really know any different. I mean, they know different because they’re old enough to know different, but it’s not like there’s an additional space where we live right now for them to even have an option.

Kris: So, gotcha. Yeah. We, when we were in that camper, they actually shared their, all four of them were in the same room. We looked out and found my lifestyle and a model of the fifth wheel that had its own bunk room. So the two big, big boys were on bunk beds that were over the top of the smaller children that laid on. Well, one was in a play pit most of the time with the, with a mattress. And then the other one was on a mattress on the floor, kind of a small situation where they’re in the corner. So that worked out really well. I mean, like I said, it was cramped, but it got us up here and, and really it was a nice way to have an easy way to pivot if something happened with our third son, if something happened with his brother, some issue like that. So it kind of kept us mobile in that way.

Joe: Yeah. It gives you options for sure.

Kris: Yes. For sure.

Joe: You mentioned experimenting with different disciplinary things at home. What’s something that is working right now with your boys?

Kris: What’s working with the older twins, what’s working is taking away privileges like screen time. And having them know what’s expected before that happens, I think has been something we’ve learned recently, rather than just having a knee jerk reaction and just saying, okay, you can’t play video games for the next two or three days, we tell them what our expectation is. They’re going to act a certain way, don’t hate your brother, those kinds of simple things. But we’ve also seen recently too, since they’re so much bigger than the smaller children, that they have a hard time understanding house or horse play and like rough play and things like that. Like what’s too rough to a two year old and a four year old, versus what’s too rough for my 10 year old brother, ’cause they can take something that’s different. So we’re trying to help them learn, okay, don’t yank on his arm, don’t do this kind of thing that’s too rough because I’ve heard horror stories of little boys’ arms getting pulled out of socket and things like that, like don’t play too rough. But really what’s working disciplinary wise is that just taking away certain things and, but like I said, making sure they’re aware that that is what the consequence is so that they’re not blindsided when it happens. So they understand, Oh, I did this. So therefore this is my punishment.

Joe: When do you have that conversation with them? When do you set that expectation?

Kris: The expectation has said, it depends. I think if we notice the action happening a lot, then we, we mitigate it that way and we say, okay, I’ve been noticing this. It’s happening. So if this keeps on continuing to happen, this is going to be your punishment. Like you’re going to get this taken away for a day or two. If you can’t do this. And one of the big factors recently has been, just not cleaning their room and just not maintaining their own areas. And it’s not anything that we’re not like, you know, very military about it. You have to have your bed made and all this other stuff, although that would be nice, but just simple things like making sure you’re dirty clothes or pick them off the floor, making sure your clean clothes stay hung up until you wear them, those kinds of things. So giving them responsibilities, even now at an early age so that they’ll learn later on that those are what’s expected just for you to live your own life, you know, it’s been kind of a learning curve, even at 10, you know, giving them simple responsibilities that are tied to allowance and tied to, you know, rewards and the reward system that they can, you know, see is it’s benefiting them as well as having their own responsibility has been the biggest factor. I mean, that’s what, that’s the biggest disciplinary thing for us is making sure that they’re taking care of their own stuff and appreciating the things that they get for Kristmas and for birthdays and things like that.

Joe: You mentioned allowance. How was that structured in your house?

Kris: So we’ve been using a website called Green Light and Green Light works through an app and it’s like a paid service and you can set up chores and then your children go through the through the week and they check out those chores and then depending on what percentage of the chores they check off, it determines what percentage of the allowance they get. So we’ve always done the allowance is however much, however old they are in dollars per a week as what we, as what we’ve been doing since they were about eight. It’s worked out okay. But what you have to do is you have to remember to check off the actual chores while you’re doing them, because if you don’t remember to do it, then it won’t. It’s like an automated thing. So at the end of the week, it will automatically drop those funds into their own account. That is tied to a debit card that they can use for, you know, saving money or purchasing things or anything like that. But we’ve always taught them, you know, save money back, have money for spending, have money for giving to, you know, charity or giving it to the church. And that’s what we’ve been taught. So that’s what we’re teaching them. Now that they’re 10 and we’re noticing that, like, we probably shouldn’t reward them for just waking up and brushing their teeth. It’s one of those things that is expected. So we’ve restructured the chores to things that they normally wouldn’t be doing as a form of helping out the entire household. So that’s been a little bit of a change of pace that we’ve worked on. But like I said, green light worked out pretty well for a while. But with older kids, it’s one thing that you have to watch very closely in having four children versus having just the two twins makes it a little bit more difficult in that regard.

Joe: Have you started the allowance with your younger boys?

Kris: Not yet. So we’ve been talking about it, having a child that’s four and kind of understanding money and what to do with money and those kinds of things. I think we’re going to wait until he’s a little bit older, until maybe he’s in school and starting to learn about numbers. And we’re looking at preschool right now actually for him. And then that brings up another point too. Once COVID hit, we had to put our twins in homeschool. So they went to spring break in Texas in March of 2020. And given the health complications with our third child, it was impressed upon us to keep them at homeschool at home. So that’s been a whole another monkey ranch in the grand scheme of things.

Joe: Have you continued to homeschool them since then?

Kris: We have, yeah, we’ve kind of done a hybrid since we moved up to Washington and since some of the restrictions have been lifted, we put our kids in what they call a parent partnership with the local school. So they actually go to school on Tuesday and Wednesday all day. We dropped them off at the local school and then they actually will tend to subjects that we aren’t currently teaching them at home. So here at the house we’re teaching them geography, math, handwriting, and reading. And then they’ll do a little bit more of like some science and some of the other subjects like you know physical education. It’s obviously something they get there too, but they also get that interaction of other children their age. And then we’re extremely involved in our local church as well. Um, so they get to hang out with friends from church. They’re actually both part of a chess club now that the church is putting on on Wednesdays. So they’re learning that and, um, strategy and how to play those games and things like that as well. So they’ve, they’ve really enjoyed that. But for the first two years of homeschool, it was, uh, my wife will tell you, she is not built to be a teacher. Um, so having to be thrown into that that dynamic was a steep learning curve for you.

Joe: Yeah, we actually homeschooled our kids too when they were really young. We ended up putting them in the public school, probably when the twins were third grade and then our other boys were fourth grade and fifth grade. And so, yeah, finding the curriculums that would work with our kids and keeping them engaged in those activities sometimes was a challenge.

Kris: How old are your kids now?

Joe: Um, they are sophomores, juniors and a junior and senior.

Kris: Oh wow. Okay. Very cool.

Joe: Yeah. My girls turned 16 this year and I’ve got 17 year old and 18 year old.

Kris: Wow. But having three in high school, I mean, or four in high school, that’s, that’s interesting. I grew up when we grew up, my two older sisters are, my mom had three children within the span of 30 months. So they’re 17 months apart or they’re 13 months apart. And then me and my middle sister, the 17 months apart. So I’ve always grew up in a family where there’s a lot of kids, you know, like there’s a lot going on. Um, so it’s not very wild for me to have four children and not, you know, and it’s not chaotic. Whereas my wife, she grew up as a single child. So you know, the having sibling rivalries and sibling discourse and things like that is not something that she’s used to, but she’s not having to, you know, fight with siblings over different things, even if you’re boy and girl, you know? So it’s, that’s been a fun dynamic to chase as well.

Joe: What’s something maybe you learned growing up, that you’ve maybe done things a little different or done something that’s working as far as that sibling rivalry dynamic?

Kris: Giving each other space whenever there’s discourse going on, I think it’s been good. Um, and just learning about how different people handle different things has been interesting because one of our sons is he’ll just recluse once he gets in trouble. He’ll just completely clam up and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Doesn’t want him. Doesn’t want to see you for that minute. You know, he just doesn’t, you know, at all, he’s not very, he’s sensitive, but he’s not outwardly sensitive. And then our other son, uh, the other twin is extremely sensitive. Um, so, you know, if you get onto him too harshly or what he feels is too harshly, then he’s just going to cry. He’s just going to be upset. So knowing that growing up, like I grew up with sisters, like I was the more sensitive child and my, my siblings were not. So I knew sometimes you need to react with this one differently than you would in another one. Cause if you, you know, raise your voice with one them, they might get scared and cry. If you raise your voice with the other, they might get angry. So it’s kind of having that dynamic, but our twins are going through this one phase right now where you get onto them and say, Hey, don’t do that right now. We’re don’t, don’t do this. And then they’ll do it that one more time. And, uh, and I don’t know if it’s just that little act of defiance that kind of, you know, erks me, I don’t know what it is, but we’re, we’re trying to help that along as well, trying to figure out how to, how to go through that in this point correctly. So it ends at that age. I’ll say that.

Joe: How have you been able to keep your relationship strong with your wife over these years of the challenges of the health challenges of your one son and, you know, twins and a dynamic household full of boys?

Kris: We’ve done okay. There’s been definitely times of like, every, everything is focused on that one aspect, especially during surgery times for, you know, a heart surgery that’s, you know, our last heart surgery was 13 hours and we still go back and forth to Texas for his care. So we try to focus on that. We’ve, since we’ve moved up to Washington, we’ve surrounded ourselves with some friends that are willing to take all four boys for us. Um, they’re willing to take a weekend and say, Hey, if y’all want to go out and do something for, you know, Valentine’s or, or this or that, like, um, feel free to, and we’ll take the kids. Ironically, the, the, the people that we have found that have helped us out the most have six children of their own. So five of those which are adopted. So I guess to them, And they’re just like, and they range in age from two to 18. So we, uh, and they’re like, you know, what’s for other kids, you know, just bring them on over. We’ll feed them all and we’ll make it work. So we’ve been very blessed in that aspect. Um, early on, uh, I think for the first six months of the twins life, we were just in survival mode, just trying to figure out sleep schedules and turn, you know, make it work with me going back to work. My wife became a stay at home mom. So that was a whole different learning and experience. So it was definitely not a priority on our list of to dues for us to have time together. Um, now that they’re older, we try to find ways during a week, um, like on Saturdays and Fridays to where we’ll stay up later than the boys. They usually go to bed around eight 30 and nine. And, uh, or we tell them to go downstairs and play video games and then we’ll stay upstairs and watch a movie or play a game or do something like that. So we’re trying to be more conscious of that aspect of the relationships so that we’re making more time for each other. But early on, it’s very difficult, especially whenever you have limited help from family and or friends like we had. We didn’t have a great support system whenever they were super young, which made things really different.

Joe: Yeah, when they’re so young and so dependent on you, it’s survival mode, like you said. And so I’m glad you have some good friends now that can help you out and you can spend time together. That’s so critical.

Kris: Very critical. Yeah. And we trade off, like, you know, that we take, we go over there to their house and watch their kids as well. So it’s kind of that, that nice partnership of helping each other out when we can, as we can. So it’s been good.

Joe: So Kris, let’s imagine one of your friends comes up and says, Hey, Kris, we’re going to be having twins. What’s, what’s the one piece of advice that you would give them to help them through that?

Kris: Uh, don’t buy the giant double stroller. It’s a waste of time and money. Um, we, well, that’s one aspect. Um, but I think the biggest takeaway from us, cause we, we were actually, my mom was a youth pastor whenever my kids were having first time in twins. And one of the girls in our youth group found out she was having twins. And as we were getting our twins on the same sleep schedule and all of those things, she just let them do whatever they wanted to do and sleep whenever they wanted, eat whenever they wanted. And like, you could just see it all over her, all over, like all the time she was just exhausted. And I think that’s been the biggest, you know, positive for us was my wife got, she started reading articles, She started looking up stuff, Google this, Google that. We went to the Twin Diversity Facebook page and just said, hey, what do you do for kids that are young, the twins that are young? And the sleep schedule was, getting them on the same sleep and eating schedule was paramount. Because if that wouldn’t have been the case, I wouldn’t have been able to go back to work without being exhausted every day. And then her being a stay-at-home mom, it would have been very difficult for her to get anything else done other than making sure the kids were dead and got naps during the day. So that was, that’s the biggest takeaway. I mean, I can talk about the ins and outs of, you know, getting different hardware and stuff like that, double strollers and things like that all day. But the way bigger than that is the scheduling, getting them on the same, like, you know, one of our sons will wake up in the middle of the night and want to eat. So then we would wake up the other one and just feed them at the same time. And then we had put them back down and they’d go to sleep. And I’d say within about a month, maybe three weeks, they were starting to get on that same schedule of waking up at the same time, feeding at the same time. Um, one thing I will say too, we were going through about 20 bottles a day, 20 to 22 bottles a day feeding them initially and, uh, finding a way or getting something that can wash all of those bottles at once was really nice. Um, so that was very helpful as well. Uh, so that you’re not having to just constantly clean models.

Joe: Yeah, that’s great advice. Schedule, schedule, schedule. That saved ours. It’s interesting. I need to for sure.

Kris: Oh yes, for sure. Yeah. Like I said, first six months for just survival and chaos. And once we got them on that same schedule, it’s like everything just clicked and uh, made, you know, our family didn’t like it. You know, sometimes we would have to leave, you know, family get togethers and those kinds of things early to keep them on a sleep scheduled. But I mean, they, they weren’t going home with us to put them to bed. So we didn’t feel too bad about leaving early.

Joe: You have to prioritize the schedule. And sometimes that does mean some sacrifices, but the good news is that you’re not stuck in that schedule forever. Eventually they start to grow out of it.

Kris: Yeah. Two years down the road and no one’s the wiser and we’ve made it out.

Joe: So, well, Kris, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Kris: I mean, they could just search for my name on Facebook. I forget what my actual handle is, but I’m on Facebook primarily. And then if they want to follow along, even with my other son’s journey, he has a Facebook page it’s T-E-A-M-G-R-A-Y-C-E-N. And then we also kind of throw a lot of the family dynamic in there as well with our twins. So that’s a great way to find and follow on that information as well.

Joe: Excellent. I’ll link up to that in the show notes for this episode Kris. I really appreciate you spending time with us today Thank you for sharing your story.

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Episode 307 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Casey McCurdy, father of 7 year old boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Managing twins in first grade
• Separating twins at school and twins’ reaction
• Different friend groups
• Different activities for all 3 kids
• Deciding which parent will stay at home with kids
• Overcoming infertility and having twins via IVF donor eggs
• Mom had daytime morning sickness first two trimesters
• Being there with wife during pregnancy
• Delivered at 33.5 weeks after 60 hours of labor
• Being a veteran with mental struggles with PTSD, anxiety, depression
• Getting twins to breastfeed successfully
• NICU for three weeks and going home without your children
• Juggling work while kids in NICU
• Using FMLA and coworkers donated some time off
• Kids on oxygen after coming from NICU for about a month
• Having a third child after twins
• Challenges of three very young children
• Help twins feel uniquely celebrated on birthdays
• and more…

Connect with Casey on Instagram or email.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Today we are continuing our father of twins interview series with a twin dad who shares his story about overcoming their challenges with infertility overcoming challenges with anxiety depression and PTSD that was kind of triggered again by the birth of the twins and managing young school-aged children and the crazy logistics that that requires we talk about that and so much more today on the show

Today’s show is brought to you by my two books for Dads of Twins. You can get a special deal, save 20% on the combo of these two books, Dads Guide to Twins and Dads Guide to Raising Twins. If you go straight to my website and order there, dadsguidetotwins.com/books. You can save 20% off of list price for those books and you’ll get free shipping if you’re here in the United States.

Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father Twins, Casey McCurdy. Welcome to the show, Casey.

Thank you, Joe. How are you doing today?

I’m great. I’m glad that you’re on the show today. Casey, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age?

So my boy-girl twins are seven and I would say something exciting about this age is just how much is going on, changes with them. They’re in first grade now. And so there’s a lot of school activities, a lot of friends that we’re making play dates with. It’s a very busy time of year for us, a busy season of life, but it’s totally different than when they were infants or toddlers.

Now, are they in the same class at school or are they separate?

They are not. They are actually in separate classes. One of the things that their school has done is put them in separate classes to kind of let them develop their own kind of school personalities. And it’s been wonderful with my son. He’s really kind of come into his own and had his own, developed his own voice and his own personality is really starting to show through.

And your daughter’s same kind of thing or is a different reaction?

She’s always been more of a source of nature and has always had no problem with sharing her own thoughts and sometimes she could talk over her brother. So it’s been really beneficial for them to be in separate classes and she’s really blossomed. She’s very social, made lots of friends. So it’s been cool to see the development for both of them.

Is this their first year apart or like kindergarten or preschool where they separate as well?

Preschool, they were together. And then kindergarten, that was the first time they were apart. And the way their classrooms work, they can actually go between classrooms for different activities. And so they still get to see each other. They see each other put lunch for recess throughout the day. And what’s entertaining is that the teachers always tell me they’ll walk by each other, say hi, and then go play with their own friends.

Was this like a school district school policy or did you and the parents want them separated?

As far as I know, it’s not a school policy. It’s just something that they recommend with twins and we didn’t have any problems with it. We thought it would actually be pretty good for them. So and it’s worked out pretty well.

Yeah, it sounds like it has. Our girls, we’ve had them at school together and separate and there’s advantages and disadvantages of both, but it sounds like your kiddos are having a good experience in their own little classes and friend groups. Definitely. You mentioned play dates and social life for seven-year-olds. Now, if they each have their own little circle of friends, I suppose you may be getting pulled in lots of different directions. How are you managing the kind of logistics of that?

Some days better than others. We’re fortunate that we go to a neighborhood school, and so a lot of their friends are in our neighborhood or the one right next to us. So their play dates are easier to manage. My daughter’s in dance right now. My son is doing piano. And my youngest, because we have one more, she’s actually in Taekwondo right now. And so it’s just kind of planning our days out. And being a stay-at-home dad, it’s kind of my job to get them from place to place. And so my wife and I really coordinate our planning and logistics. And this is the first year they’ve really had separate activities. They’ve always wanted to do stuff together. So we’ve been pretty fortunate with that.

Yeah, because you mentioned Taekwondo, piano, dance, very different activities. So it wasn’t always the case where they were doing very different things.

Yes. Yeah, this year they really started to come into their own and wanted to do… My son has really started to show an interest in music and we’re fortunate to have a music teacher across the street from us. And so he’s been really blossoming in piano and voice and wants to start playing the guitar. And my daughters always loved dance. They’ve all tried dance at one point, but the girl twin, she’s always definitely stuck with it more than the other two.

We had our kids in the same kind of activities too. All four of our kids were in dance classes, and we would just spend all afternoon at the rec center as they had their different schedules. But then ultimately, like your kids, they start to have different interests and we end up going different places. But we kind of limited it to say, okay, you get one extracurricular type of activity, otherwise it gets kind of out of control.

That’s definitely what we’re doing. When we let them choose what they want to do, We’ve let them try a whole bunch of different sports. We’ve done gymnastics, we’ve done dance. We also did some like Ninja Warrior obstacle course stuff. They all tried Taekwondo at one point. So it kind of got to the point where they’re like, “I’m gonna do my own thing.” And it’s like, “Okay, let’s see what we can make to work.” And fortunately it’s all in different days. So we’re able to figure it out, but it’s always a busy week.

You mentioned that you’re a stay-at-home dad. How long has that been the case?

I have been a stay-at-home dad since 2021. I was working for the city. I was actually an auditor doing sales and use tax. And when everything shut down with the pandemic, it was my wife and I both at home trying to work 9, 10-hour days from the computer. And it just– it got to the point where it wasn’t feasible for either one of us. And so I was fortunate enough to be able to take a lot of leave, kind of get loose ends tied up and then leave to be a stay-at-home dad. And my wife works full-time and blessed that she makes enough that we can stay fairly comfortable. Definitely have to watch the budget at times. But yeah, I’ve been doing it for about three years now And I will say it’s the best job and the hardest job I’ve ever had.

Absolutely. Absolutely. The, uh, when I was working full time at the office, my wife was, was a stay home mom. And I mean, she worked harder than I did in my, in my little cubicle for sure. How did you decide? I mean, it’s, I mean, it’s very common for, for between parents and parents with more than, more than two kids to have to make this decision of who’s going to stay home. So how was that discussion about if it was going to be you, if it was going to be your wife, how did you come to that conclusion?

She had been working part-time while I was working full-time. So she had been home with twins and our youngest until late when everything started to shut down. And I had always talked about wanting to be a stay-at-home dad, to be the one to come up from school, have their sake, take them to appointments. It was just something I felt deep inside that I really wanted to do. And my wife, fortunately, she was in agreement with that. And she’s also very, she’s very good at her job. She’s very successful. She’s an amazing woman that works extremely hard. So it kind of just fell naturally that I would be the one to stay at home and she would continue working.

That’s great. That’s fantastic. That you had that opportunity you’ve had for the last several years to be home with your kiddos. Are they all now going to some kind of school or do you still have your youngest at home?

So they are going to school. The youngest is home one day a week on Fridays. She goes to preschool Monday through Thursday, and then next year she’ll move into kindergarten. So I’ll actually have all three kids in school five days a week at one school, which that will definitely help with logistics.

Oh yes. Oh yes. We had a season where we had our four kids in like three different schools and it was kind of crazy. So I’m glad you have like your neighborhood school and you have them kind of all together in the same spot. That makes it easier. Let’s go back to when you found out that you were going to be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time and what was your reaction to that news?

So we actually went through a journey of infertility before we got the twins and we went through about four years of infertility, tried lots of different treatments and lots of different doctors. We wound up having our twins through IVF with donor eggs. And so even though I knew it was a possibility, it still just caused me to take a step back and be like, “Oh man, there’s going to be two of them. What on earth am I gonna do? So it was scary. It was exciting and it was a very happy time for us because we had been trying so hard and wanting and wishing and praying and wanting to start a family and it was a very long journey for us.

It sounds like you have lots of ups and downs in getting to the point where you’re able to welcome the twins to your family. You mentioned you had some donor eggs. How do you go about that process of selecting the donor?

So for us, the donor eggs come from my wife’s sister. We had a lot of discussions about it. We talked to a lot of family about it and she was an amazing person and was willing to share that incredible gift with us so that we could have a family. It definitely took some thinking and talking about it just with the differences it would be because it wouldn’t have been my wife’s eggs. It was a donor’s eggs. But that’s never been something that we’ve hidden from the kids. We’ve talked about it. It’s not something we’ve ever hidden from family. We’ve always been pretty open about it because what we found in going through the IVF process was that it’s something that a lot of people go through, but nobody wants to talk about it, it seems like. And so us being open and sharing it with people, we’ve connected with a lot of different families and a lot of people where they’re like, “Oh, well, we went through that too. Maybe it’s not, maybe we can talk more about it. Maybe we can be more open about it.”

That’s true. I mean, I talk a lot to a lot of parents that have twins from IVF because they struggled like you and your wife for years to have kids. And then finally through this amazing modern medicine that we have, they have that gift of having children. It’s too bad that there’s a stigma of not wanting to talk about that because it often ends up with a very good outcome like you have here with your children. How did the pregnancy go for your wife and delivery? Were there any challenges or complications there?

So she dealt with morning sickness, kind of like all day sickness. The first trimester and second trimester were rough. We tried a lot of different of everything from old wives tales on how to feel better to…it got to the point where basically she just had to have a snack with her at all times. Otherwise, she’d get really nauseous. Overall, the pregnancy went pretty well. Being that there was twins, we had checkups every week and I made sure that I went to every single one of those, taking time off from work because we were both working full-time at that time, but I had made a commitment to myself that I wanted to be there every step of the way. I didn’t care if it was a five-minute appointment or if it was a ultrasound appointment or what type it was. I wanted to be there for every single step of the way. The pregnancy overall went well. They did decide to make an early appearance. They were delivered at about 33 and a half weeks, so they definitely came early and were premature. The delivery was a long process. My wife was technically in labor for over 60 hours. because we were trying for a while, we were trying to see if we could keep them inside until we got to 34 weeks. And then it just got to the point that my son had dropped lower and was under stress, and they just decided to do an emergency C-section. And we went through that process. And it was definitely a, I mean, I would say it was a traumatic experience for me.

Yeah, that’s crazy. Like 60 hours of labor and then ending with emergency C-section is not usually how you plan things to go. And with our firstborn, who was a singleton, my wife was in labor for a long time and I ended up with an emergency C-section that was just, I mean, not just a struggle physically, but a very emotional challenge, mental challenge. How did that affect you, how did that affect your wife, and how were you able to work through those?

So it definitely, it kind of added to the mental struggles that I already had. So just to kind of give a little backstory to that, I’m an Air Force veteran, served for four years, and I came out of it with some mental health struggles. I have PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Those are managed by medications now and actually the thing that caused me to get on medication and counseling, I have my twins to thank for it. The stress of everything really brought it to a forefront and it was like, “Man, I need help. There is more going on than just, ‘I’m having a hard time.'” And my wife suffered through some postpartum a little bit, but she was so focused on recovery and being an amazing mother for the twins, that she seemed to deal better with it than I think I did as far as from a mental standpoint. And she also had to heal up from the C-section, which I had no idea going into it that how much work it would be involved recovering from that and things she could do and couldn’t do. I’m sure you probably experienced that same thing.

Yeah, it’s, you, you conceptually understand what it is going in, but yeah, my wife had C-section with all of our deliveries, so three deliveries and four kids, and I mean, that’s major abdominal surgery that she’s having to recover from. At the same time, you know, trying to breastfeed the babies and trying to move around and recover herself. It’s, it’s just insane amount of things that mom’s having to go through.

And she wanted to make sure that she really wanted to breastfeed for the twins. And I mean, breastfeeding for twins is… There was definitely times that she said she felt kind of like a milk factory because if we weren’t feeding, she was pumping. If she wasn’t pumping, we were trying to rest or making bottles. And we had to supplement with some formula, which is normal. It’s common. I mean, it’s not anything to hide from. And we were very fortunate that my wife did very well with being able to produce milk. And it took a while for the twins to get to the point where they could take bottles. And nurse, being premature, they were on feeding tubes and it was a very slow process while they were in the NICU.

How long were they in the NICU?

A full month. It was like 24, 25 days.

And were they both in there the whole time or did one come home earlier?

They actually were both in there the whole time. But I will say that’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do was the first part would be my wife got discharged and so So we had to go home without our kids because they were still in the NICU. It’s like we just had our kids and we can’t take them home. We can’t be with them as much as we want to. We were there every day, all day until they basically would come in and say, “Okay, you need to go home and get some rest so you can come back tomorrow.” spent every day in there with them and did all the bonding that we could. But seeing this little tiny human being in a bun warmer and just how small they were was definitely intimidating. I never felt scared holding them or anything. I’m very proud of the fact that I changed the the first diaper for all three of my kids. That’s great. That’s something I always try and tell new dads is like, “Change the first diaper. You will hold onto that for the rest of your life.”

The memory, not the diaper, right?

Yes. Yes. The diaper would be very gross by now.

There would be plenty of diapers that come after that one, but that’s a fun first memory with the kids.

There are tons and tons of them.

How did you juggle work with visiting the kids in the NICU and stuff like that? I really lucked out. I had some amazing coworkers, so we knew that we were trying to have kids. So I started kind of saving my leave and not really taking any other appointments. I would try and take the appointments that my wife had. I would try and do those over lunch hours. I had an amazing supervisor at the time that really worked with me to do that. And then with the city, I actually got some paternity leave and was able to take time off for a couple weeks and then put in for the FMLA, the family leave too, just because they were in the NICU. And it was needing to provide care and extra care for that. Plus with my wife having a C-section, I was able to justify it too since there was so little that she could lift or carry and recovering from it. And it was follow-ups with her doctor and also with being in the NICU. And then my coworkers were awesome because they actually donated leave to me so that I could stay with the kids and not have to come back to work.

Well, that’s fantastic. Wonderful people that you were working with. I know a lot of dads have maybe a few weeks off max for leave. You took some FMLA time. Can you maybe explain a little bit how that was different from the work you got? Like, is it paid or unpaid and stuff like that?

So I was able to take, I took all the paid time off that I had allowed and then the FMLA, there was… So I guess we’ll back up a little bit. So I had paid time off and I took that full amount of time that I had accrued and then my co-workers actually donated their paid time off to me to use. And then once I got to the end of that, I was able to take the FMLA, which for me was some unpaid leave, but I was able to be there and I didn’t have to worry about my job position going away, about losing where I was at as far as career-wise. I didn’t have to worry about losing out on my benefits because in a sense it held the position for me. So I was able to just focus on the kids and know that nothing was going to change at work, that I could just come back and be right where I was before. I was very fortunate enough to work for the city and they had been pretty progressive with the changes that they had been making for paternity and maternity leave so that people could take time off and spend it with their family and dip into the bank of paid time off that you had. So they were very supportive from the top down very supportive of it. And I think what was fortunate was that a few of them, their kids had been in the NICU at one point or another. So they understood the stress of being a NICU parent that it goes with. So it definitely was a great place to work.

Absolutely. That’s a great combination of nice people that you’re working with and people who understood your situation. It has some strong empathy and sympathy going on there. For listeners who are not familiar with FMLA, it’s the Family Medical Leave Act, which, as Casey was describing, does give you an option for some unpaid, job-protected leave for medical reasons. I know when I talked to lots of dads in the US, somewhere about as you and me where we had limited paid time off. And then I talked to dads who are across the pond or down in Australia, New Zealand, and they’re like, “We got months off. Paid time off.” So it’s a little bit different across borders, but it sounds like you’re in a good situation able to make the most of the options that you had for you at that time. Were there any lingering challenges because your kids were in the NICU? Were there anything lingering after they came home or were they good to go once you brought them home?

They were both on oxygen for about a month, month and a half once they came home from the NICU. It’s not too uncommon for babies that are born in Colorado, which is where I’m at, to come home on oxygen just because of the altitude that’s here. But they definitely had breathing struggles and they were on oxygen the whole time. My daughter, she was actually on a CPAP device initially. They both stayed on nose canyons. I mean, it was the entire time they had to meet a car seat challenge, which was them sitting in the car seat and their oxygen levels couldn’t drop below a certain percentage in order for us to be able to take them home. So that was a long process. We learned to navigate life carrying around two small backpack oxygen tanks and we had a big one at home and how to clean and put the pads back on and change out nose cannulas and get deliveries of O2 tanks. And then we had to teach all of our family how to use it and it was definitely a challenge. I have a really great appreciation for people that have to be on oxygen all the time, just all the extra stuff that they have to worry about and carry with them.

Did there logistics of needing oxygen interfere at home with maybe feeding or sleeping or other logistics like that?

Not too much. We pretty much lived in our living room for the first couple months when they were home because it was so much easier for my wife and I to stay downstairs to come down on the couch and we would just alternate shifts. We would have them in a big bassinet together. With the oxygen tanks, it made it a lot easier until they were able to come off of those. Luckily, it was just nose cannulas that they had, and so it didn’t really interfere with bottles or nursing.

So. After the twins were home, fast forward a couple of years, you find out that you’re expecting number three. What was the reaction from your twins? Were they old enough to understand what was happening when that happened?

So, kind of. I think they had an idea of what was going on. So when my youngest was born, my twins had just turned two. So I had the whole three under three for three years, which is a whole other episode I’m sure. They kind of understood because they could see that mommy’s belly was getting bigger and we kept telling them that, you know, there’s another baby in there, mommy has a baby in her tummy. I don’t think it really made any sense to them until she was born and then we brought them over to the hospital so that they could meet her. It was definitely a massive shock for my wife and I because when we started our infertility process and when we made the decision to go to IVF, we were essentially told that we couldn’t have kids any other way than through IVF. And to conceive naturally, it was a huge system shock to us. So it definitely took some coming to grips with the idea of, “Okay, we’re gonna have another one.”

Yeah, that’s crazy. So it was totally out of blue, totally surprised. Usually the twins are the surprise, but you knew that was a possibility with IVF. So now, your youngest was the surprise. So what was maybe the most challenging part of having three extremely young children at the same time?

Probably the feeding of all of them because the youngest was we also nursed the youngest my wife did and then feeding the twins and then keeping everybody on somewhat of a schedule for naps and sleeping in bed. And it was just our daily schedule was a struggle, especially when they were a lot younger. As they got older, then the twins could have more time, and they have each other. And so they’ve always played pretty well independently. And so we could focus on the youngest if we needed to, or get her down for a nap and then come back and play with twins. So I would say just for us, it was just a daily schedule of trying to figure out who’s doing what and who needs to go down for a nap. Who’s going to bed, who’s getting fed.

We had four kids ages 3 and younger, and so I feel your struggle for sure. How do you help your twins feel uniquely celebrated when it’s time for special events like birthdays?

So we actually talked to quite a few twin parents to kind of figure out how they did birthdays. And a lot of the twin parents we know, they actually have either two boys or two girls. And even though they do that, they’ve always tried to make sure that they feel celebrated individually. And so our focus has always been, they each get their own cake, they each have their own presence. There’s not like a shared, “Okay, you only get one cake.” As they’ve gotten older, they’ve each been able to invite their different friends that they have. We’ve offered them opportunities to have their birthdays in different places, but they have, this last, like for instance, when they turned seven, they chose to go to Skate City, which is a place to go roller skating, and they wanted to have it together. So it’s really cool. They still love sharing the day and they love the fact that they’re twins, but we’ve really, really tried to make such an effort that, yes, you share a birthday, but this is your time and this is your time. They get to pick their own decorations and help decorate their own cake. I would say that’s been the real big focus and we try not to make it a shared experience for them. If we get a gift for the kids. It’s for all three of them and it’s like a family gift. But they get, they have their own presence, their own special time that they get to see themselves as an individual.

That’s great. I always love trying to find ways to uniquely honor the individual child’s needs and sounds like you have a good setup there with your three children. It’s wonderful. So Casey, as we wrap up our discussion today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Probably the best way to reach out to me is I’m on Instagram. It’s @cohiker. If you do send me a request, I will have to approve it. I just keep it kind of private. But that’s usually the best way to reach out. Or if there’s any twin dads that want to reach out and connect with me. You can send me an email. It’s the letter K and then C, mccurdy@gmail.com. And I’m happy to meet over Zoom and talk about life as a twin dad or try and give any advice of things that I’ve learned over the years. I’m still learning, so I may not have all the answers, but I’m definitely willing to lend it near.

That’s very generous of you. Thank you. I’ll link up to that. Those email and Instagram on the show notes for this episode. Casey, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

Yeah, thank you for having me on. This has been an awesome opportunity.

I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Casey about his adventures as a father of twins. If you want to connect with Casey, I’ll link up to his contact information in the show notes for this podcast, you can go directly to the archive for all Dads Guide to Twins podcasts by visiting TwinDadPodcast.com. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my two books for Dads of Twins, Dads Guide to Twins and Dads Guide to Raising Twins. This will get you through the pregnancy, through birth, newborns, infants, toddlers, and beyond. This book combination is available to you for 20% off list price if you buy directly from my website, DadsGuideToTwins.com/books. If you would like to share your story, like Casey did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me directly via email, joe@dadsguidetowins.com or on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe. And I would love to hear from you. If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and found it helpful, would you do me a favor and recommend it to another twin dad that you know that may be expecting or raising twins? I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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Episode 306 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Steve Idlett, father of twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• being a stay at home dad with their first child
• when the hospital is far from home
• the twins were 6 weeks early
• dealing with 3 weeks in the NICU
• using a camper to stay close to hospital
• daily routine for 8 month old twins
• putting kids in day care
• creating a family that loves music
• raising a toddler and infant twins
• what is working with feeding the twins
• when one twin wakes up before the other
• and more…

Connect with Steve on Instagram, steveidlett.com, at the Teague Farmers Market, or Buffalo Trade Days.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Today we are continuing our Father of Twins interview series with a fellow dad from Texas as he shares his journey of raising three children ages three and younger, including eight-month-old twin boys. We talk about everything from the shock of discovery of learning they be having twins to how he keeps a positive perspective and attitude in parenting to help him through the ups and downs of every day. We talk about that much more today on the show. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re here today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com, where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes and tons of other resources to help you along your twin parenting journey. And to help you along that journey, I’ve put together a ginormous list of baby gear that you will need for your twins. So rather than search all over the place, trying to find what you need, you can find this big list to add to your twin baby registry or to ask for as gifts from your friends and family or maybe just double check your preparations as you prepare for and raise your twins. You can find this entire list by just going to my website, dadsguidetowins.com and from the main menu click gear and it’ll give you all those things that I recommend from strollers to cribs, to baby gear and feeding equipment, to you name it, to help you along your journey. So once again, just go straight to the website, dadsguidetowins.com and click on the gear item in the menu and it’ll take you right there.

Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Steve Islet. Welcome to the show, Steve.

[Steve Idlett]
Hey man, how’s it going?

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
It’s going great. Thanks for coming on the show today. Tell me a little bit about your family.

[Steve Idlett]
We have a little girl who’s two and a half and we just had twin boys. And so it’s me and my wife and three kids right now, three kids under the three, as they say.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
How old are your boys right now?

[Steve Idlett]
They are eight months.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
And are they identical? Are they fraternal?

[Steve Idlett]
No, they’re fraternal. They look identical. I always tell everybody that they’re fraternal. And, uh, and one of them, he looks, me and him are identical twins, but his brother, but him and his brother, they’re fraternal twins, but a lot of people act as they can’t tell him apart, but, but you know, as the parent, you can really tell them apart pretty quick.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Was that ever a challenge for you, even in the beginning?

[Steve Idlett]
Um, no, uh, not really. They were, they had a little bit of different weight, weights on them. So one of them kind of seemed chubbier cheeks and stuff in the other. So it’s it’s kind of easier to tell them apart, but, uh, you know, now sometimes now they’re both kind of filling out. If I’m looking at them kind of from the side or from a top down position every now and then I’ll be like, wait a minute. Oh, you kind of look like your brother today, you know, but, but some of our family can’t tell them apart, which is, again, it’s just kind of, I don’t know, maybe it’s a parent thing or something. You just know which one’s which, but they look pretty close.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
That is fun. Yeah. We have identical girls and they like, like your boys, there was like a weight difference at birth. So that made it a little easier, but even now, uh, I mean, they’re teenagers now. Sometimes I’ll look across the room and still mix them up. Um, like you say, like from the profile or from behind or something. Anyway, so. Did I ever try to, you know, do that on purpose?

[Steve Idlett]
Um, they, they, they have tried to do that on purpose, but usually they’re so, if they’re intentionally trying to trick us, they’re so full of like the giggles that it’s immediately apparent to.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Yeah. But they’ll try to, um, they were working together and they would switch name tags to see if anybody would notice they thought that was hilarious too. So.

[Steve Idlett]
That’s cool.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So at eight months old now, what’s, uh, what’s kind of the daily routine as far as like naps and sleep time and feeding time and stuff like that?

[Steve Idlett]
They’re still eating every few hours, like, you know, three hours or so, whenever they’re awake and they sleep most of the night and they nap pretty good too. So they just kind of have their little rotation of change them, feed them, nap them, play with them, keep it going. They’re in daycare right now, which is good because my wife is a teacher and whenever we had our little girl, I stayed at home and it was during the pandemic. I stayed at home and raised her for the last two years when I worked from home. And now they, they’ve got a little daycare set up up there and right at the same time that the boys came, they, they decided to open a daycare up there and it’s been a lifesaver and they all love it. The two year old really loves it. And the boys have like a good little structure with some good teachers in there and stuff. And it’s pretty cool.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So they’re there during the school day. Is this at the same place your wife is teaching?

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]

Oh, that’s convenient.

[Steve Idlett]
Yeah. Yeah. They’re like, you know, not even, you can throw a rock probably for her place or they’re so pretty cool. So tell us a little bit about your decision to, to stay home with your daughter when she was born.

It’s not really a decision. It’s like how it happened. You know, it’s the fate, you know, or whatever I’ve been trying to like, I I was working in the oil field for a long time, maybe like 10 years, you know, and was getting ready to leave the oil field and work for myself. I was also, I’m also a musician and I played, you know, few nights a week, traditionally, somewhere at some bar, restaurant patio, somewhere here in Texas. And so I was trying to build that up to where, you know, I could support that.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
You’ve got three really young kids. And when you found out that you’d be having twins, I mean your daughter was probably so young, she didn’t even know what was about to happen. So tell us a little bit about that. Finding out you’re having twins.

[Steve Idlett]
Pure shock. You know, I, we had no, we’ve had no people in our family who are twins. Some people go, “Oh yeah, let’s run in your family.” I’m like, “Well, it does now.” Because nobody else before us had twins that I know of on my side of the family. When my wife’s side, she had some, but maybe like a distant cousin far off, but it’s not like, “Oh, you’re next in line for the twins,” kind of deal. But yeah, when they said that, she’s like, “Okay, and we had just did this. it just at our daughter and, you know, a year or so later, whatever the deal was. And, you know, we felt like, Oh, this is a familiar thing going back to the hospital and getting the checkup and doing the thing. And they, she’s in there. She’s like, okay. Um, so here’s baby A and I’m like, okay, baby, A, why did she say it like that? You know, sure enough, there’s a baby B on there. And yeah, that was pretty mind-blowing because I never would have thought I’d have twins. That’s not a, I don’t think, I don’t know if people everything, oh, I have twins. That’s just something like, no, whenever I was a kid, I knew one set of twins. Like we had a really small school. I went to a school with, I think I graduated with 80 people or something, you know, the grades below us, nobody had twins in my grade. And maybe I knew one set of twins, like two grades below us, you know, so the idea that we’re gonna have twins is just never went across my mind.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Yeah, the surprise is pretty common. I mean, I was, I was shocked too. And then you just kind of kind of figure it out from there, right? You’d already had experience being a dad with your daughter. How did the pregnancy go with the twins and maybe how did that differ from what you saw with your, it’s your first child?

[Steve Idlett]
A lot of checkups, a lot more checkups. And we live about an hour or so from any major hospital. So we’d had to go in about an hour, hour and 20 minutes or so to the hospital. And we were going pretty often, you know, once a week for a while, I’m just doing measurement checkups and doing all that stuff. But other than that, it was, it was pretty similar. We went to the same exact place we went to before the same doctors and all that kind of stuff.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So were there any complications during the pregnancy or it was smooth sailing?

[Steve Idlett]
No, I mean, we went into, she went into labor six weeks early. So that would be, that would probably be what I would consider the complication out there. So we didn’t, we thought we had six more weeks to go, you know, and then she just went into labor one day. And it was just, it was just like, uh, you know, every 1980s, like Steve Martin, Kind of moving you towards like Chevy chase energy, just like running through the house at nighttime, grabbing bags, you know, and loading the car in a panic. It was that our first kid, we had an appointment. We just, we knew, you know, it wasn’t a panic. This was more of a drop the kid off run, you know, to the hospital emergency C-section. Both babies were out in 20 minutes. Our kid, our first kid, I’m sorry, our daughter, she was, it It was like a 21 hour thing where she was in there pushing and giving her Pitocin or, you know, and then when the boys get here, it was, it was a 20 minute deal and they got them both out, you know.

It took me longer to put that white zip up thing on. Then I did it for them to get the kids out.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So, but you were there for the birth, right? You didn’t miss anything.

[Steve Idlett]
No, I didn’t miss anything. It was, I was there. I stayed on my side of the curtain for this one. Um, cause it was, there was a lot going on. It was panicky in there. They were, there’s like an emergency situation obviously. So they were, they were going hard at it. So I just kind of stayed down there with her until they came out.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Was everybody healthy after and able to come home soon or were there some leftover?

[Steve Idlett]
Yeah, both boys spent about, um, almost three weeks, like 18 or 19 days or something like that in the NICU. And so that was pretty rough for a while. Cause our, our daughter, we didn’t, we didn’t have to do that. We stayed a couple of days and then left, but, uh, yeah, the NICU think we were there for a while. And that was interesting. You know, uh, it was a big perspective shift when you’re set in that room. Um, a lot of, a lot of little babies in there that are pretty sick, you know, is interesting. I’ve never experienced that either. And then, uh, but you know, three weeks later we got to take him home and. Yeah, all was good there. And we did a couple of checkups with them and everything’s been just kind of normal now.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So the boys just needed extra time.

[Steve Idlett]
Yeah, they needed, um, all the stuff, you know, the regulating their temperatures on their own and blood sugars and stuff that they would have like slightly developed a little bit more over the coming six weeks, you know, getting ready to breathe and all that kind of stuff and eat. And so they kind of just spent that other time in the NICU and the nurses are very incredible. I don’t know if you had to do the NICU stuff or not, but man, they are, they would take a certain type of person. And I’m not just saying like a good person, you know, like you have to be like a person who like loves babies and wants to be in this like extreme baby ward where there’s just like babies everywhere, you know, like to be that person. And those people find their way to that NICU room. I felt like cause they were meant for that job.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Our girls did not have to spend time in the NICU, but talking with tons of dads, just like yourself, the staff and Nick user almost always just amazing people, which is a blessing because you’re going through some major struggles when their kids are in the NICU

[Steve Idlett]
Oh yeah, it’s like the most stressful time when you’re locked in there and just everything’s like, doom and gloom in your eyes, and these ladies are in there just killing it, just two and everything, it’s pretty impressive. I’ll give them that for sure.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So how did you juggle your daughter and like the hour, hour and a half drive back and forth every day? Where you, sounds like a crazy couple of weeks there.

[Steve Idlett]
We had a camper and I took my camper over there and we parked it maybe three miles or so from the hospital. Me and my wife would take shifts going up to the NICU and doing the feedings and going back and hanging out with the two-year-old and walking around and doing normalized things a lot harder in the day and then tag out and go double feed.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
That’s great that you didn’t have to drive so far.

[Steve Idlett]
Feeding every two or three hours or whatever it is because they’re overlapping and then you have you know an hour, hour and a half drive it where it just would have been impossible. So we just kind of bit the bullet, drug our camper over here, found the Army Corps of Engineers part, but not an RV park that you would think of. You know RV parks get kind of expensive sometimes like you know $70, $80 a night or something. I think this place was like $20 a night or $15 a night or something to park your camper there. You know pretty cheap. A lot cheaper option. And again, it was three miles from the hospital on the same feeder road. And so you just popped out and, you know, was at the NICU in five or six minutes, which was awesome.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So how was the reception when you brought the boys home? What did your dollar think of that big change?

[Steve Idlett]
He loves them, you know, and she knew she was getting brothers and stuff beforehand. We had talked to her. She came to some of the ultrasounds and all that stuff, you know, she’s really, I’ve never spent a lot of time around other kids, but she’s really advanced. I’d say a lot of people say as far as talking and vocabulary, she can have full conversations. I think it’s because she was just with me for a couple of years and I’m just talking to her like normal or something like, “Hey, let’s go do this thing.” I don’t know. She just has a pretty good understanding of stuff. So she is second, we got home with them. It was my brothers. She loves them too much. We actually don’t, don’t smother them, you know, back up, give them a little space. But yes, he loves them.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
So how do you have a like sleeping arrangements and stuff in the house right now, are the boys together? Are they separate?

[Steve Idlett]
No, they weren’t together in like this, uh, double bassinet, uh, play pan looking thing, you know, and they had gone inside of our bed. But one of our kids, whenever he wakes up, he screams. And the other kid, when he wakes up, he kicks like really hard. Like he’ll pick his legs up in the air and slam them down on his bed. And so our, you know, one son, he’s like sleeping through the night, but rather was kicking and it’s making that thing like move, like, you know, like a swaying boat almost, you know, it’s like, every time he kicks, it moves the whole bed. So we ended up having to separate them. Cause they were just, if one of them was crying and he’d wake the other one up, if one of them was moving, he can make the other one up. So now we have two bassinets in our room and everybody’s and everybody sleeps in their own little bitty pod. They got their little bass in the head and he’s got his little bass in the head. And our two and a half year old, she just abandoned us for a while. She was sleeping in our bed the last like eight months or something and then she just now she’s a big girl and finds her own bed. So everybody’s got their own crib.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Were they breastfeeding? Do you have to formula feed or bottle feed?

[Steve Idlett]
We’re still on formula and we’re still doing formula right now, you know, it’s expensive and tedious. It depends. You know, they’re not so locked in. And they make you, they were locked in like, Hey, he eats first 30 minutes later. he eats, you know, now it’s just kind of about every three hours, whoever’s awake or crying, you know, if, if I’m working or something, she’ll grab them. Or if she’s busy, I’ll grab them. And it’s just kind of a, it’s a real mutual, just whoever’s hands are free.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
When you’ve got really young kids, it’s all hands on deck. Whoever’s available, go take care of the most pressing need at the time for sure.

[Steve Idlett]
Yeah. And then, okay, I’m sorry. The two year olds melting down here. You got to hear, can you hold him? Yeah, I can hold him too, or whatever for a second. You know? So we’ll just, just do what we gotta do. You know? I can’t imagine for, you know, and, and, uh, I always joke with her, you want to try for triplets next time or you want to, you know, like this, but then some of these people who have a lot of kids, like if you think about it, man, I couldn’t, can’t imagine adding another couple of kids. I’m sure you’d figure out how to do it, but it is tough enough with three. Cause you’re out, you’re outnumbered. So a four, you know, they got, they’re doubled up on y’all.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
It was nuts. They’re all teenagers now. They’re all in high school now. and they’re all great friends and they get along fairly well. So it’s been fun dynamic.

[Steve Idlett]
Do the twins have any interesting rivalries, but competitiveness or something like that?

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Actually, they’re not competitive as far as trying to one up each other. They’ll get in little spats, little fights once in a while, but most of the time they’re great together.

[Steve Idlett]
I’m still dealing with just toddler type things. Like we haven’t had, you know what I mean? It’s just mainly just maintenance on toddlers and babies right now. I haven’t had to deal with the idea of competition or fighting over who’s.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
When you look back at your journey so far, what’s maybe something that you wish you had known about twins that you just had to learn the hard way?

[Steve Idlett]
So a lot more work than having one kid, especially if you want to get out the door, I guess time management or something like that, because anything you need to do, you have to do it twice. And that might mean… And then again, you run into the little hiccups, you get one foot, it’s all of its clothes on, and you put it in the car seat and do all your things. And then he gets sick or something, you have to do it over. All these, having twins is, it’s double the heart as having a single baby. But it’s awesome. There’s no, there’s this part up. Obviously, it’s gonna be more worth, There’s two of them, you know one interesting thing was was Their fraternal so I can tell them part. I can’t tell their other stuff apart though like they’re Whose pacifiers that you know, and so we’ve color-coded those things, you know that way I can You know understand who to give this pacifier to or something like that, you know So one of our boys gets everything blue when I’m gets ready It’s pretty pretty pretty that’s a good little helpful thing for us doing things like that Yeah, we color-coded our girls just like you’re describing So there was no confusion about who’s getting their diaper change who’s getting fed It even helped like our friends and family be able to tell them apart like oh, okay. We know the daughter that’s wearing The warmer colors oranges yellows reds and who was wearing the cooler colors like the blues purple screen stuff like that It’s been awesome though. I I’m 35 and I never thought I’d have kids. I just didn’t think I wanted kids. I was always like, “Oh no, we’re going to just live this bachelor lifestyle or just me and my wife are going to be married, but we’re not going to have kids. We’re just going to go and travel and do us energy.” I guess. Then eventually that gets old or whatever it is. and we had a little pandemic baby or whatever they call them, because you just keep trapped in and you start thinking about things. So I never thought I’d be a parent. I was always anti-parent stuff, but it’s really been the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. It literally is, I love it. Yeah, it gets hard or whatever, but it’s awesome. but, you know, perspective, it’s pretty great, you know, and my, and in our situation is, you know, the way we have it set up right now, it’s been pretty awesome. And I have no complaints over here with our end.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
That’s great perspective to share, especially for listeners, ’cause when you find out you’re having twins, as you know, like you start thinking about all the crazy possibilities, what that means. And so now here you are months later and in a good spot, and you’re seeing the journey, which is fantastic.

[Steve Idlett]
Yeah, even when you do some things, like you’re going to NICU, or all that kind of stuff, it feels like, oh, this is horrible. This is just like the worst, you know? But that’s one of them things that, you know, now looking back on, feels like a blip. You know, like those three weeks, going to that felt like it lasted months when we were in there, you know? But now I’m like, yeah, that barely feels like I can barely almost remember that. Now we’re doing this, now we’re doing that, you know? They’re starting to kind of talk a little bit and roll around and they haven’t really started crawling or anything like that yet. But we go to check up or something and they’re like, does he do this? Does he stand up on his own yet or whatever? Does he have a job yet? They’re asking me all the things. Does he eat food? Then they write it down like yes or no is a bad answer or something, almost like they’re grading it. But I’m like, I don’t know anybody who hasn’t stood up. You know what I mean? Or whatever. So if there are six weeks early, to me, I always think of it like, well, these other kids got a six-month jump on, you know, doing these steps or whatever. So I don’t ever get bogged down on, uh, you know, where they’re supposed to be or, you have to focus on what you can control and look for the positive because there’s always going to be some challenges, but there’s also a lot of joy and happiness and being a father of. Yeah. It’s the same in everything in life. If that’s, you know, like that’s perspective on life. That’s not just a twin thing.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
Well, I appreciate your, your positive, your positive spin on life. That’s very uplifting for us and the listeners. Steve, as we wrap up our conversation today, if listener do want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

[Steve Idlett]
Facebook. I’m on this Facebook. Whoops. You can message me there. No. Uh, you know, whatever social media, all that stuff is at Steve, I’d lit, IDLE TT. It’s all one word. And, um, for music stuff, which steveidlett.com or the briars like on Spotify. Um, like I said, me and my wife, we run farmer’s market now. Uh, we run two of them actually, they’re twice a month and in these little towns around here. So TIG farmer’s market and Buffalo trade days, if y’all ever want to come out and you know, buy some handmade soaps or something like that, they, we’d love to see out there, you know, or message me on Facebook or something. If you put that’s great.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
I’ll link up to all this in the show notes for listeners so they can check it out. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. We really appreciate it.

[Steve Idlett]
Okay, man. Thanks.

[Host: Joe Rawlinson]
If you want to connect to Steve, learn more about his music, his farmer’s market, what he’s got going on, I’ll link up to all the information he shared in the show notes for this episode. You can go straight to the archive of all Dads Guide to Twins podcasts by going to twindadpodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Steve did today, I would love to have you on the show. Just reach out to me. My email is joe@dadsguidetotwins.com or you can reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe or also on Facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. And if you’re still expecting twins, still looking for the right baby gear that you need to get ready for your twins, I invite you to check out my Twin Baby Registry Checklist. You can find that over at dadsguidetotwins.com. Just click on the main menu, look for gear and you’ll find everything you need to help with your twins. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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The post When the NICU is Far from Home with Steve Idlett- Podcast 306 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Episode 305 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Dave Cox, father of non-identical boy twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• From joking about possibility of having twins to actually having them
• One twin was breech so had to go to hospital for cesarean
• One twin had breathing issues and almost had to fly to Sydney for intensive care
• 2 weeks in special care (one step down from NICU)
• Managing time off (12 months for Mum, 6-8 weeks leave for Dad)
• Size difference so big they wear different sized clothes
• Toilet training wrapping up with their boys
• Dad broke neck when twins were 7 months old causing immobility
• Ongoing surgeries and complications made it impossible to lift and move with twins
• Day care four days a week and nanny on 5th day of week
• Losing last daytime nap – getting shorter and shorter
• Adjusting your perspective makes all the difference
• and more…

Connect with Dave on Instagram.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe: Today we are continuing our father twins interview series with a father from Australia who shares his journey as a twin dad. Including what happened when he had an accident at work and that dramatically changed the trajectory of his career and his family life, and the things that he was able to do with his twins. We talk about how he overcame those challenges and some of the other ups and downs of raising twin boys today on the show. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Joe: Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re here today with me. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com, where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes, as well as a ton of other resources to help you along your twin parenting journey. Today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. Once again, that’s raisingtwinsbook.com. Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Dave Cox. Welcome to the show, Dave.

Dave, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age?

Dave: They are three years and eight months at the moment, just getting towards the end of toilet training, and one of them is pretty much fully toilet trained. And we’re just going through that stage with Wesley of he’s at the, he’s fully toilet trained for weeks, but he is frightened of doing poos on the toilet. So we’re just at that stage where he’s just about to overcome that fear. So it’s very exciting to almost be out of nappies.

Joe: How long have you been trying with the toilet training?

Dave: Probably 18 months.

Joe: And have one of your twins been more eager and more successful than the other?

Dave: Yeah, it’s funny. Wesley was actually the first one to show interest and was very successful. And then all of a sudden he sort of regressed because we’ve only found out in the last sort of two weeks, he’s told us that the noise sounds like a storm and he’s scared of storms, not the noise in the toilet sounds like a storm. And that’s why he’s scared of it. I’d never consider that as a possibility, but kids are paying attention to what’s going on around. Yeah. And when he said that I was like oh he’s not just being a pain in the butt.

Joe: So do you have identical twins or are they non-identical?

Dave: No, they’re not identical so they’re very very different they’re, it’s an enormous size difference they’re in completely different size clothes and everything so they’re very easy to tell apart. We actually get accused of lying about them being twins as opposed to people asking if they’re twins. So they’ve from birth they’ve been a big size difference?

Dave: Yeah so there was about 800 grams difference at birth.

Joe: That’s pretty good. Are they your only?

Dave: Yeah, my wife is starting to talk about more and I still haven’t just kept saying I still haven’t recovered from these ones yet. Just give me time. Right. I don’t know. During toilet training is the best time to have a conversation either.

Joe: Right. Yeah, no. So looking back to when you found out that you would be having twins, what was your reaction to that?

Dave: We always sort of joked about it because Sarah, my wife, her older brothers are both fraternal twins. So genetically it was always a probability. And all of our friends always used to joke that we’d be the ones to get twins. We were in the ultrasound and the lady said, see that little flicker there? That’s the heartbeat. And you see that little flicker there? That’s the other heartbeat. And Sarah just looked at her and said, why has it got two hearts? And obviously I knew exactly what it meant. And it took Sarah a little bit and we went, oh. And yeah, it was very exciting. We were excited from obviously nervous, but excited from day one, but because we’d always joked about it, people thought we were joking until we actually showed them the scans.

Joe: And now they still don’t believe you. They still think you just have two?

Dave: Yes, it’s funny. Maybe that just says something about our characters that we’re constantly joking and that people just don’t actually take us very seriously.

Joe: How did the pregnancy go? Were there any complications?

Dave: Up until the last couple of weeks, it went pretty well. Ended up as Footling Breech, one of them was Footling Breech. So there was, we were basically told, if you’re going to labor, you need to get to the hospital because there’s no way you can birth naturally. So we, I was sleeping, getting ready for night shift and Sarah worked me up and said, I think we’re going. And so we live about just under an hour away from the hospital that we were going to birth at. So we got there very quickly and within about three hours we were in and out of an emergency cesarean and the cesarean went well there was a bit of a bleed and a bit of complication but after they were born white was all good and he was the one they thought was going to struggle because he was very small but Wesley had some breathing issues and so we live for context we We live in a regional area of Australia. So we live in Bathurst, which is about three hours, four hours, three to four hours west of Sydney. The hospital, it’s a big town, so there’s 50,000 people, but the hospital isn’t a well-resourced hospital in the grand scheme of things with regards to neonates stuff. So basically they draw the line at 34 weeks and we were, So they draw the line at 32 weeks and we were at 32 weeks in five days, I think it was. But they can’t do any sort of oxygenation or ventilation for a longer than a six-hour period. So if it had to be longer than six hours, then Wesley would have had to have been flown to Sydney and we would have all had to be separated. So just as they were talking about organizing a retrieval aircraft to fly him to Sydney, he came good. So that was a relief.

Yeah, just in time, because I’m a paramedic and I’ve been on the end of having to transport people and splitting families apart during those sort of times. And it’s traumatic for everyone, and particularly right after birth and separating twins is never ideal, but separating twins and parents and the logistics of that when you’re four hours apart. It’s very challenging.

Joe: Oh, so that was probably quite the roller coaster. I mean, you have the boys arriving and then you’re already talking about some major, maybe medical needs, but then it turns out that was not the case. Were your boys healthy enough to come home shortly thereafter, or did they have to stay in the hospital?

Dave: No, so they spent just over two weeks in special care. So special care in Australia is sort of one step down from a NICU. So it’s not an intensive care unit, but it’s sort of, it is one on one, or it’s a one to two ratio of nurse to baby with very close observation. And so they spent nearly two weeks ’cause they were on supplemental oxygen and or high flow oxygen for the first couple of days and assisted feeding because they were too small to be able to feed.

Joe: How was the adjustment to bringing them home? What do you remember about those early days?

Dave: As with most people, I don’t remember a lot of it. Tiring is busy. BA was good. We had lots of support. We sort of tried to get in, stay in the same routine that they got in for the in the special care. So, that’s one thing that they do say about going from special care is that they get them into a good routine ’cause they’re very regimented. And obviously with shift nurses being on shift work, they’re not sleeping and waking, it’s leaving and waking. So the nurses can keep them in a good set three hours, three hourly feeds and that sort of stuff. So we, and yeah, we just took things as they came and took turns and shared the workload and yeah, it was pretty good.

Joe: Was it just you and your wife, or did you have maybe grandparents or someone else to help with?

Dave: It was me and my wife. Uh, we have Sarah’s mum lives nearby, which is good. So she helps out a bit. Um, we got lots of friends in town and my parents live, uh, four or five hours away, but they came down for the first sort of week and stayed around nearby and helped out where they could, which was nice. And got to give them a bit of time to bond with the boys. And this was all during sort of the height of COVID in 2020, when, so the two weeks of special care, nobody could visit but us. So it was only us allowed in there. So it was quite isolating at that time, having very little contact with anybody in the outside world, apart from just us in the hospital. So it was nice to have my parents and stuff down when they came home.

Joe: Yeah, that is nice to be able to have some family be able to help. Yeah, ’cause that was a crazy time all around. How were you and your wife able to manage work as far as time off and taking care of the twins when they were really young?

Dave: Australia or New South Wales. So we both worked for the government. My wife’s a police officer and I was a paramedic at that stage. And obviously working for the government has some perks. So Sarah had 12 months off, so 12 months leave, which started about a month before, so she started that about a month, about two weeks before they were born. It was nice that she knew that she was gonna have a long period of time off, and I had booked in some, I think I booked in six or eight weeks annual leave, and then when they came a little bit earlier, I just moved that leave block forward, so I had, I think it was just on two months off when they were first born, which was nice.

Joe: Yeah, you were working as a paramedic at the time. You told me before the podcast that you had an accident that kind of put a wrench in the works as far as your ability to help with the twins and help with the family. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Dave: Yeah, so when the boys were seven months old, I attended a incident at work and ended up suffering a significant injury to my neck and shoulder and fractured part of my neck, which resulted in some significant amount of pain and immobility to the point I’ve had one, two, three, four, five surgeries on my neck now. And then I’ve ended up with some massive complications with wounds, infections and stuff like that. So it’s sort of been a three year ongoing ordeal, but for a good few months after I I did it, I could lift the boys, but I couldn’t really help with changing them and stuff like that because it was that moving around that was the painful part, which was hard. So it was sort of adjusting to the teamwork and obviously Sarah was, she’s a absolute legend. And she really picked up the extra workload and really helped get me through that. It was obviously a very challenging time for me as well. And medically and mental health wise, it was quite a challenging time over the last couple of years with that and the sort of the effects of what happened to me. Um, after that getting help and having multiple surgeries and feeling rather useless as a dad and a husband. And my career has changed completely from what I had planned. I had planned to be an on-road paramedic and go up through that system. And I literally overnight that was taken away. my last shift as an on-road paramedic was on the 15th of February 2021. Since then, I’ve had to completely pivot directions and change my goals in life. Granted, everything happens for a reason and I’m in a much better place, both physical. I’m in a much better place, mental health-wise. Now, I’m not working shift work anymore which is an absolute godsend in a different job and in the same field so I’m still working in emergency management and for a different government agency now recently changed but it’s one of those blessings in disguise and they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade and I made lemonade and took some opportunities and used the opportunities that I was presented to sort of, I could have sat around feeling sad for myself, but Sarah really pushed me in to make me realize that it’s not just me anymore. It’s her and the boys that I’ve got to think about and got me out of my little slump. And yeah, so I’m going from strength to strength and I’m, you know, really good career footing now and in a different agency and looking whilst looking up now, which is really good. That things are looking better right now.

Joe: That’s quite the, what the surprise to have happened. And it sounds like you had a long road to recover from that. Every boys do they, they’re so young. Do they even notice anything over the last couple of years?

Dave: They do. They know, they know daddy’s got a sore neck and that there are days that I still have, I still have significant pain. Um, and that’s just going to be with me for life, but it’s one of those, I’ve just got to get on with it sort of things. Um, and they know that some days are worse than others. And some days I’ll say, I can’t pick you up my next sort of day. And they’re pretty good with that. And often I’ll sit there with a heat pack. And the other day I was sitting there with a heat pack and white bought one of my spare heat packs and he said I have this too and I went and heated it up a little bit for him and he sat there like a little old man next to me with a heat pack and it was very cute but um yeah it’s like he quite often like white’s a very caring little soul and he’ll quite often come up and say how’s your neck today? So they know what’s going on like nobody can ever accuse a toddler of not knowing what’s going on because they pick up everything, so on and on around. Yeah, that’s great. Are the kids still at home? Are they any kind of preschool or daycare now? No, so they go to daycare four days a week. And they go to then their grandma’s house on the fifth day of the week. So just to our sis, Sarah, she changed roles within the police force. So she now works with the with youth in a youth club in sort of some, you know, prevention role. And so that’s a weekday also, no shift work, just works better for our family and family hours. So having them in daycare helps facilitate that. My new job is predominantly Monday to Friday. I do travel a bit on weekends, but yeah, so they do four days a week daycare and then they go to Nanny’s house on Friday and they absolutely love going to Nanny’s house. That’s brilliant. That’s great that they could spend weekly time with Nanny. How did that conversation go with Grandma to let the boys come over once a week? She offered. It was one of those sort of just happened naturally and she really likes spending time with them. It fulfills her as well as much as it fulfills them, which is nice. Oh yeah, absolutely. It’s great they have a good arrangement there. So now that they’re coming up on four years old, what’s kind of the typical daily schedule as far as you know when they’re waking up, when they’re sleeping, stuff like that? So where’s they’ll wake up at any time between 4.30 and 5.30am? He’ll come in and try and wake us up and we’ve got in a bit of a bad habit but I’m pretty sure or you can, everybody, as much as some people don’t admit it, will be guilty of the old go and watch Paw Patrol or go and watch Bluey or whatever they’re gonna watch, just to give us an extra hour or two sleep. Wyatt will come in at anything between five and 6.30 and he’ll just crawl in between us and go back to sleep. He loves his beauty sleep. And then we’ll get them up on a weekend, about 6.30. We’ll get up and have breakfast with them and hang out. And they’re still just hanging onto their day naps. And they’re just sort of in the process of dropping them. So they’ll have a nap at about 12 o’clock. And then by six o’clock, we have dinner, what they have dinner. And then they’re in bed by 7.30, 8 o’clock at night. They go to sleep at the same time, but one of them wakes up a couple of times before the other. Yeah, and we’ve tried to push him out. We’ve tried the grow clocks and we’ve tried changing times and a lot different color lights in his room and nothing fixes it. It’s just an early riser. And talking to my mama, I was always the early riser. I was always 5.30 every morning.

Joe: Are your boys in the same room or they have their own space?

Dave: No, they have their own rooms. So Wesley doesn’t just go barge in on Wyatt and say, “Let’s party. It’s time to go.” No, he knows that he gets in trouble if he goes and wakes his brother up. And it’s not from us that he gets in trouble. He gets in trouble off. He gets in trouble off. Why it doesn’t like being woken up.

Joe: The nap starting to fade. What have been some of those signs that that’s on the way out?

Dave: They’re just getting shorter. Wes used to sleep for two hours a day, two hours in the middle of the day. He’s sort of down to an hour. Why some days won’t sleep at all. Some days he’ll just come and chill out and watch TV quietly and just sit there and watch it and have a bit of a quiet time. Other days he just goes 100 miles an hour and just powers on through, he doesn’t care. But yeah, so it’s one of those, I think it’s nearly four and I think most kids drop them by four, don’t they?

Joe: Have they kind of hit their milestones at the same time as each other? Have those varied?

Dave: Wyatt up until, but has it has been about two months behind, but I think he’s caught up now. So that was with being Premier, they had to have pediatrician checkups or more pediatrician checkups than normal. And they had their last one at two and a half. So yeah, the beginning of this year. And they were both at the same spot, both pretty much at the same stage. And he was happy that they’ve met all their milestones. He doesn’t want to see them again until they’re just about ready to go to school.

Joe: You think about how parenting is going right now. What’s something that is working really well with your boys?

Dave: They just care for other people. So like, we’re trying to raise them to not be so self-centered. coming from the jobs that we come from. We see a lot of the worst in humanity and don’t want my kids to be contributing to that. So a good example of it is that one of my friends’ kids started at the same daycare as they go to this week and he messaged me and said, “Oh, it was really nice Wesley this morning, the 30, because Wesley doesn’t really know Riley, there’s Jerry’s son.” And he said, Wesley ran up to him and said, welcome and held his hand and took him off into the yard. Just knowing that he’s just being a good human generally, that works for me. If I can raise him to treat other people right then I’ve done, that’s all I can ask for. If you raise them the right way then they’ll spread that goodness out into the world and that will make a difference in other people’s lives. You’re seeing that already with their interactions even with their little friend right now.

Joe: So let’s imagine one of your best mates comes up and says, hey, we just found out that we’re having twins. What would be like a one piece of advice that you would give them to get through that?

Dave: Embrace it. You can’t change it, so enjoy it. A lot of people, and my standard answer for when people say, how do you do it is, well, if I don’t, nobody else will. I don’t know any different. I think if they dread it and they think it’s a horrible thing and it’s just gonna be a negative experience, they treat it as a positive thing from the start like we did. It’s gonna be a positive experience and there’s plenty of people out there that had cut off their left arm for one baby, maybe let alone two, then you’ve got a really, really, really good opportunity to just embrace it.

Joe: That’s a wonderful perspective.

Dave: There’s always something that you can find that’s good, that’s positive, even when you’re sleep deprived. And it’s hard in the beginning and it’s still hard now. And when people say it gets better, it doesn’t get better, it gets different. The challenges are still there, they’re just different challenges. But we’re all kids once and we all gave our parents the same challenges that our children are giving us. My parents had five kids and my parents had five kids within seven years. I don’t know, is five singles in seven years harder than twins? I reckon it might be.

Joe: Well, that’s wonderful perspective to have, David. That’s great advice for other dads that are listening. As we wrap up our conversation today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Dave: Well I do have an Instagram page for the boys. See it’s just @boysdoingtwinthings on Instagram. So if anybody wants to like that one, send me any messages. I’m happy to answer any questions or anything. And I’ll even go on there today and put some updated photos on there. But yeah, thanks for the opportunity to have a chat. It’s really nice to be able to share my story. And if I can help make even one person’s journey just a little bit better when they find out that they’re having twins or during their, when they’re up sleep deprived and listening to a podcast because they’re up feeding their twins overnight. I know I spent a lot of hours listening to podcasts feeding babies. And yeah, I think it’s well worth giving out my time for you.

Joe: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story and your perspective with us today. We really, really appreciate it.

Dave: No worries. Thanks, heaps.

Joe: I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Dave about his adventures as a father of twins, how he overcame some crazy challenges and how he’s now making the most of it and having a positive perspective on raising his twins. If you want to connect with Dave, I’ll link up to his Instagram over in the show notes for this episode. You can go directly to the archive of all podcast episodes at TwinDadPodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Dave did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter @TwinDadJoe or email me directly to joe@dadsguidetotwins.com and I would love to hear from you.

Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. This covers the first several years with twins from newborns through toddlers and beyond. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. I really appreciate you listening to the podcast today. If you enjoyed it and if you found it helpful, would you please recommend it to another twin dad that you know that may be expecting or raising his twins? I’d really appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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Episode 304 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Patrick Edgett, father of twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• raising a four children including having 3 under 3
• managing terribles twos and opinionated toddlers
• challenges of getting twins to sleep
• climbing out of cribs and how to fix that
• moving two weeks after birth of twins
• switching jobs right after twins’ birth
• about a month in the NICU for both twins
• when one twin came home a week and a half before the other
• having another child after twins
• potty training twins
• one twin had an eye problem that took awhile to figure out
• phasing out nap time
• twins going to preschool
• taking time to spend with kids individually
• and more…

Connect with Patrick on Instagram.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Host: Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a twin dad from Southern California. We talk about overcoming the terrible twos with twins, making big life changes after the twins are born as far as moving houses and switching jobs, and how to advocate for yourself with your twins doctor when you think something is wrong with one of your children. We talk about that and much more today on the show. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins now. Here’s your host, the author of the book, The Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Joe Rawlinson: Hey everybody, this is Joe Rawlinson. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. I’m glad that you’re here with me today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com. Today we’re chatting with a fellow twin dad about his adventures in twin parenting. Before we jump into that chat, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my two books that I’ve written for dads of twins. First is Dad’s Guide to Twins and the second is Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. These books will get you through the pregnancy, through the newborn phase, up in the toddlers and beyond. You can save 20% if you get both of these books on my website directly. You go to dadsguidetotwins.com/books. Once again, that’s dadsguidetotwins.com/books. Plus if you’re in the US, I’ll ship those books to you for free. So save 20% plus free shipping. Man, what a great deal. Today, I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Patrick Edgett. Welcome to the show, Patrick.

Patrick: Thanks for having me. Excited to be here.

Joe: Patrick, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age?

Patrick: They are four, sandwiched in between a two-year-old and a seven-year-old. The thing that’s most exciting for me is they’re really at a fun age of interacting right now. So for us, the two and a half to three and a half years are a version of the terrible twos. And so they’re kind of past that and it’s getting a little bit more fun and a little less headache at the moment.

Joe: So let’s talk about those terrible twos. It’s true, it’s kind of a misnomer that they’re called terrible twos ’cause they usually stretch into the threes. So what were some of the challenges you had with that age range?

Patrick: Yeah, they become very opinionated very quickly. And I definitely agree that it’s more of the terrible two and a halfs. I think a big part of it centers around sleep. Sleep has always been a thing that’s been really important to my wife and I about not only us getting our sleep, but having both the twins and the other ones on a pretty good schedule and that seems to just break overnight when they hit two and a half. All of a sudden they can climb out of their crib, which was a fun one. You’re sitting there watching TV at night and all of a sudden there’s a little human next to you that’s not supposed to be there. So that combined with other versions of them having their own opinions is really kind of how it showed itself.

Joe: Did they both learn to climb out of the cribs at the same time?

Patrick: Just one. There’s Twin A. That’s Stella for us. She would found a way, she would pull her mattress up and she would like Fred Flintstone moving her entire crib all the way to the door. We actually have video footage of it because it was too funny. And she would start blocking the door with her crib, which was pretty insane. They were on laminate flooring. And it got so bad to the point where I had to take a 45-pound plate weight and put it under her crib so she couldn’t move it anymore. But she was and still is the onry one when it comes to sleep.

Joe: Do you have two girls or one of each? or what do you have?

Patrick: Yeah, two girls. I call it the gaggle of children. All four of them are girls. I wear the hashtag GirlDad Proudly.

Joe: What did you notice differently? You mentioned the terrible twos and the sleeping troubles. How was that different from your first daughter, your oldest singleton?

Patrick: Our knowledge that it was coming. With our oldest daughter, I think the big thing that she would do, would start to cry when it was bedtime and being upset around bedtime. And then at one point, we realized we can just leave the room, tell her we’re not coming back, and then she would stop. It went from us trying to sleep with her or get her to sleep for 30 minutes to just walking out of the room and that seemed to solve it. So we just knew that going into it with the twins, which really helped. But we also knew that it was a bit of a roller coaster. you’ll fix it for a couple of weeks and then something will change and they’ll fall off the wagon. And so you got to just go through it again and do what you’re saying you’re going to do. So something like the threat of taking away a toy that they sleep with or whatever that is, if you’re going to threaten it, you have to follow through. Otherwise, they’re just too smart. They’re two rational beings to put up with anything else.

Joe: That’s right. We all have lawyers as our toddlers, right? Because they keep track of everything you say and they hold it against you and they’ll catch you. That’s for sure.

Patrick: They really do. Their memories are incredible in kind of an annoying way. It’s adorable half the time and annoying the other half.

Joe: So when you found out that you would be having your twins, you had just the one daughter already. She was probably like three-ish?

Patrick: Yeah, she was about two when we found out, yeah.

Joe: What was your reaction for you and your wife when you got that news?

Patrick: Yeah, we were in the ultrasound room, and so you know, take the morning off work, head down there, and it’s kind of taking longer than expected, since you know, not the first rodeo. And so then you go from like joy to like getting a little bit worried, ’cause in this half hour appointment, it’s now an hour appointment, doctor walks in and goes, “Hey, I’ve got some good news.” And we’re like, “We already know she’s pregnant.” Like that’s why we’re here, what good news. She’s like, you’re having twins. And I just audibly, just went, oh. It’s just quite loud. Sat down in my seat and I don’t think I talked for the next hour, ’cause it was just complete shock. Like it didn’t, it never crossed our minds that this was even a possibility.

Joe: I was similarly a shell shocked. Are your girls identical twins?

Patrick: They’re not. Well, although, well, we assume they’re not. We’ve not done like the testing or anything, but they look different, they act different and they were in separate sacks.

Joe: How did the pregnancy go? Were there any complications for babies or for mom?

Patrick: No complications necessarily, but my wife had a pretty rough first pregnancy. And so having twins, it was, everything was just kind of on edge, we’ll say. So by the end of it, I think she was doing like, going in for monitoring like twice a week. So it was just like endless days spent either at the doctor’s office or at the hospital for monitoring and quite a few days where she’d call and be like, “I don’t know what’s going on. Let’s go in and get stuff checked out.” So never fully a complication or anything, but not smooth sailing by any means. And they came about four weeks early, five weeks early.

Joe: Was the time of their arrival kind of a surprise or was the writing on the wall there?

Patrick: A little bit of both. Yeah. So we knew that they were going to be early, just didn’t know how early. And so I remember going to work that day. And it was one of her scheduled days to do a going for her monitor. And they’re like, “All right, we’re not letting you go home. You should call your husband in time to get down here. I think we’re going to deliver you today.” So I can remember packing up my stuff and not going back to that office. Because it was also at a crazy time where we bought a house, we had twins, we moved 100 miles away, and I quit my job all within a matter of six weeks. I don’t recommend that. We did off a bit more than we could chew.

Joe: That’s a lot of upheaval right after the twins were born. Were they home already and healthy when you were making these big transitions? Or do they have any time in the hospital after birth?

Patrick: No, they were in the NICU for about a month when A was there, I guess about three weeks, and then like four and a half to five weeks for twin B. And so that was both really stressful, because here you are having to go in and out of the hospital every single day. But there was some of it that was like we gave the my wife gave birth down at Scripps Hospital down in San Diego and they’ve just got like an amazing team. And so there was some of it where we were so exhausted the fact that you know this expert paid team is taking care of your kids while you can kind of catch up on a little bit of sleep. That part was like a hidden blessing. But you know, I think it took a probably bigger toll on and my wife going down because she was also pumping and breastfeeding that whole time. Instead of going to and from multiple times a day, spending eight hours a day or whatever it was down at the hospital, that was taxing for sure.

Joe: Did your girls have specific complications or they just needed some time to grow and be self-sufficient?

Patrick: Growing. I forget what the number is now because I’m so far removed from it. It’s like 34 weeks or 32 weeks, like if you’re before that, it’s like auto NICU admission. And so they were like three days before that cutoff. So they had to automatically go in there. And then once they were in there, there were certain tests that they had to pass and it just took them a while to do that, specifically twin B with some sleep stuff. Like she would kind of like stop breathing while she was sleeping. And so that was the other thing where we’re like, I would much rather have her monitored if she’s not breathing fully than for her to be at home. So again, it was this odd blessing to have them there.

Joe: Was the breathing issue resolved totally before you brought her home or did you have to do something with her once she was home?

Patrick: Resolved before she came home. Yeah. So part of her test was she had to go like 48 hours without one of those episodes. And so that was also a little bit of a stressful time because it was like, you know, she’d get 24 hours into that and then it happened again. So, you know, you go in thinking you’re going to take her home that day. It’s like, oh no, we got to reset that clock and like wait on a couple of days. And so having twins, but only bringing one of them home for a while, like that was odd.

Joe: What was the time gap difference?

Patrick: About a week and a half. I mean, that is strange. You have the babies, but then you don’t get to take them home for like a like a month and then all of a sudden you only get to bring one home.

Joe: What was your older daughter’s reaction to all this?

Patrick: She was still really young when mostly just like happy. Like we were, we were checking out some videos last night of like, what, yeah, what did she do? Um, and she’s just like happy. There’s a baby around and like trying to give him a binky and you know, air quote, be helpful, helpful. Um, but yeah, otherwise she wasn’t really like aware enough yet to have like a, any kind of an emotional reaction or anything like that to it.

Joe: How has the relationship evolved as they’ve all gotten older together?

Patrick: It’s pretty amazing. They do a really cool job of taking turns playing with each other. One of them will just want some alone time and be off by themselves and the other two will pair up or something like that. Or now that we have our fourth, she gets thrown into the mix. She’s only two. And so usually they’ll pair off. But it’s a really good little unit and the oldest one is definitely the ringleader and gets upset when the twins want to go do their own thing and don’t want to let her participate, which is kind of a funny thing to watch their own little group dynamics.

Joe: So then on the other side, what was the transition like going from having three and then having your fourth daughter after the twins?

Patrick: That was equally as wild because it was the least predicted, as equal as surprising as having a third was, as having the fourth. One of my favorite quotes, I don’t know if you’ve seen the Jim Gaffigan special where he does a joke on what it’s like to have four or five kids. He’s like, “It’s like you’re swimming in a pool drowning and someone hands you a kid.” That’s kind of what having the fourth was like. It was less altering in our day to day, but just like, here we are, the twins are about to be potty trained and kind of through that baby phase and we just got to start it all over. So that part was really hard.

Joe: And I think I saw on your bio, you had at 1.4 kids, three and under.

Patrick: That’s right. Yes. So you’re one of the few people that understand. I had three, three and under and that was wild. So I can’t even imagine doing the fourth.

Joe: Yeah, like there’s just a different level of attentiveness that you have to have when they’re that young. And that is its own level of stress and anxiety to kind of deliver that.

Patrick: It is, ’cause they’re all kind of going through a very similar phase, a very high needs phase at the same time and that evolves, you know, like they’re all learning how to use the potty at the same time, they’re all in diapers at the same time. It’s just, it’s a lot to manage. So I can understand that situation. Our math is that we’ll go through about 25,000 diapers by the time we’re done with the fourth one.

Joe: What was it like potty training the twins? You said that you were going through that process when you found out about your fourth.

Patrick: My wife did all the heavy lifting there. I will say just the logistics of, to your point, both of them doing it at the same time. There’s time when only one toilet’s available. So I’ve got a picture of one of my, well, I should say the aftermath of one of the twins using my office chair as her toilet. That was fun, walking into that. And like, what is the smell? The bathroom was occupied. So she went to the next closest chair. Some of the joys of parenting.

Joe: Yeah, we found that we had to kind of train them on the logistics of using the toilet just one at a time. And then the reinforcing of that behavior ultimately led to success. I mean, that took a while after that, but we found one of our girls was more willing to do it than the other one. Did you see discrepancies like that between the two of yours?

Patrick: They were pretty equal. And we used those like portable toilets a lot. So they got pretty used to it from that. But yeah, they’ve been pretty equal on most things developmentally. They definitely had, they lean towards some different things emotionally and skill-wise. But in terms of hitting the markers at the same time, they pretty much have been on track with each other.

Joe: What have been some of those differences you’ve noticed?

Patrick: One of them is much more athletic than the other one, which is pretty wild to see at as early as three years old. She can hop on a scooter or a bike or whatever and just handle it. Wear a poor Twin A, not so much. And there’s a bit of irony there because Twin B still has some eye problems. One of her eyes didn’t develop all the way in terms of its movement. And it took us almost two years to figure that out because she was always much more angry. And it took us, when we moved, we went from a one story to a two story and all of a sudden she fell down the stairs a couple of times. We were like, “Well, what is happening?” And it turns out when you can’t see, sometimes you miss the stairs. Um, and so that, that’s been something really interesting to see where she was much more emotionally up and down. Um, it’s like leveled out now that she can see it’s so simple, but, uh, what was the problem?

Joe: Was it with, with, with, this wasn’t fully formed in Euro or do you know what happened?

Patrick: Yeah, I, I believe so. Um, it’s the, Like the muscle doesn’t track properly. So like if she’s looking to the right and she needs to move her eyes to the left, like the one eye is just like a little slower coming over and that leads to some blurriness. And she’s also just has terrible vision from like a farsightedness. Like whatever the scale is, I think it’s like bad eyesight like a negative 4.5 or something like that. And she’s like a negative 6.5. So she’s got an hour where an eye patch every day for four hours a day. And that’s has slowly brought it some more strength into that eye. Um, but it’s just, yeah, one of those things where it’s like, Oh yeah, you got to pay attention to them each as individuals because even though they came out at the same time, like they very much different humans and have different things that they got to worry about.

Joe: I mean, one advantage of having twins is that you can compare them like, well, this one is doing this thing and this other one is doing a little something different. But because we have, you know, these young children and our hands are full with even just taking care of everybody, sometimes it takes a while to notice when there’s something amiss.

Patrick: Oh, for sure. And, you know, especially with healthcare, you very much have to be your own advocate on it too. So, you know, like the doctors never noticed anything or brought anything up in it. And we had to be like, Hey, you know, we’re noticing some different behaviors and stuff like that. Like, can we get, you know, can we go see a specialist to get this checked out. And it took a little bit of pushing to kind of get what we were looking for. And the doctor mentioned, oh yeah, if we would have waited somewhere between like six months to a year, the eye would have fully developed incorrectly to where it’s like nearly impossible to fix. So that’s also kind of a weird thing that, you know, no one warned us to check their eyes in a certain way to make sure that they develop properly. they make an excellent point there about advocating for your kids, ’cause I mean, you go to the doctor, it’s kind of like a assembly line. I mean, you just go in there, you wait forever, you finally get to see the doctor. A doctor’s in and out in a few minutes, and then you have to kind of force the issue if you have concerns, that’s for sure. Especially with like Vision or with our girls, they had some speech problems, and we didn’t really catch on to that until they were more school age. In hindsight, we’re like, oh, okay, that makes sense now, but you’re right, you have to pay attention for stuff that you didn’t even know you had to pay attention for. That’s for sure.

Joe: Yeah, yeah. They are four now. Are they past the nap phase? Or are they still taking naps?

Patrick: They are 90% past the nap phase. I’ll say one of them definitely needs more sleep than the other one. Could be definitely needs more sleep. We will probably, probably not every week, but maybe every other week, we try to grab like a weekend day and let them catch up on it, get like one nap in per week, something like that. And some of that’s just like, again, monitoring it. Like has, has our schedule been crazy this last week? Yes or no. And if we stayed out a couple of late nights, like we can kind of see it. And so we’ll, you know, have them take a nap on Saturday or Sunday, something like that. But for the most part, they’re, they’re done with it.

Joe: So as your wife, does she stay home with the kids or do you have other arrangements for childcare?

Patrick: She has up until this point. She’s been, yeah, since our oldest was about six months, she’s been staying home, but part of my job change when the twins were born was I became a licensed realtor because I was working on a CPA firm prior to that. And when we found out it was twins, Because there’s the, I don’t remember, two months where you know you’re pregnant and then two months later, I’ll have done it’s two kids instead of one. During that time, we realized, oh, going through attack season again is not going to be doable with infant twins. That’s when I went down this new path, but part of that path has led to some big peaks and valleys and in particular this last six months, last month in particular was the worst month for real estate across the nation in the last 30 years. So we’re actually in process of her lining up employment starting next month, help with these four times in cashflow. Yeah, sometimes you have to get creative to figure it out, to make the ends meet. That’s for sure.

Joe: The twins are still too young to go to any kind of preschool or anything like that, right?

Patrick: They actually go to a state-sponsored preschool, which has been, I’ll say, mostly good. They were born six months before COVID hit. And so during their most developmental time, in terms of getting to know other people and stuff, they were locked inside for a year and a half. And so we have definitely seen them struggle in some of those social situations, where there’s big groups and stuff like that. And it’s gotten better over this last year. So we really, going back to advocating, we pushed heavily to try to get into the school because we knew that they needed a little bit more attention in a group setting. And so that’s been really good. They go for like, I don’t know, three or four hours a day, like a half day. But yeah

Joe: What differences have you seen now that they’ve been in the or social environment?

Patrick: A big part of it is not relying on my wife and I, it’s like the only people that they’ll listen to. Twin B in particular, we’ll get a little stubborn at times when it comes to listening to other folks. She’s very opinionated. Some say that she gets that from me, which I have been told that that’s payback for my youth. Yeah, they’ve just gotten overall better at dealing with other people.

Joe: Yeah, that’s tough when they’re there, you know, we’re all locked in for a while, but when they’re in that formative phase of developing and learning how to interact with other people, and all they see is mom and dad and big sister, and that’s it, right? It’s interesting to see the different toll that takes on, you know, very young kids versus us as adults, or even our older children.

Patrick: Yeah, for sure. I mean, even something as simple as like going to that first Christmas party, whenever we stop being locked down, I guess that would have been like 21. If you’re two years old and you’ve just been locked inside for a year and a half, and all of a sudden there’s this group of like 20 to 30 adults that the adults know who they are because they’re the only twins in the family and they’re kids, but the twins have no idea who these other people are. And they’re like, “Hey, come hug me. Come kiss me. Come be with me.” And they’re like, “I don’t know you stranger.” That took a minute for them to get over for sure.

Joe: When you look at parenting your kids right now, whether it’s your singletons or your twins, what’s something that’s working right now as far as a parenting success?

Patrick: Yeah, the biggest thing for us that we really have to remind ourselves of weekly is taking time to spend with them individually. And I would say this is even more particular to the twins because it doesn’t happen naturally. They’ve been a pair, forever in noise. Sunday as an example, I took Twin B out to the driving range with me and at four years old, she’s not hitting a ball really, but it’s time that she gets to spend with dad, just the two of us for 30 minutes to an hour. We just try to make sure that that happens. with at least one of them every week. If we can rotate through, I mean that might be as simple as going to the store. It might be just taking one of them on a drive or letting them pick to go out to ice cream or whatever the thing is. But yeah, I think that intentionality has been really important to us.

Joe: Yeah, that’s a very important thing is to build that individual relationship ’cause it’s kind of, it’s too easy to just group them as the kids, you know, let’s go, you know, like you’re herding cats around, but it’s, they’re each individual people and they have their own little fun personalities and it’s great to get to know and bond with them on a one-on-one basis, even if it’s doing something routine, like going to the grocery store. How have you been able to keep your relationship strong with your wife through the kind of ups and downs of twins and the challenges you had there and raising a really young family?

Patrick: Well, the first six months the twins were born, I can’t speak to that at all because I don’t remember it. It’s a black hole in my memory. Since that point, it’s really come down to us. Well, I’ll call it simple, but it’s really difficult, which is communication. It’s so easy for us to get stuck in the routine or stuck worrying about the specifics of taking care of the kids, whether that’s their schedule, what they’re eating, or what’s coming up in future. For us to take time out to check in with each other has been really important. We do that a couple of ways. One of the ways is kind of quarterly, we try to make sure that we’re getting away from our house at least once a quarter. That might be just a day date. It might be hopefully an overnight. The kids are old enough and the grandparents are willing to take them overnight, which that took a while. Every year, we do a year in review where we try to get out in nature for the day, take a really long walk and talk about what worked this last year, what gave us positive energy, what took away from that. And then we try to shape the new year around that reflection. And so we did that to kick off this year and we’re kind of excited about kind of rejiggering some things as we go forward.

Joe: I love that. Those are some great ideas for any couple that needs to work on their relationship and keep it strong. So I appreciate you sharing that. That’s working for you. Patrick, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Patrick: Yeah, best way to be on Instagram at Patrick Edgett, E-D-G-E-T-T. I’m a realtor in California, so happy to help out anyone with anything as it relates to buying or selling real estate throughout the state. And always happy to chat with fellow parents because this is a wild journey. And I don’t know about you, but for us, our parents did not warn us for how hard it is. And so you’re getting that reminder from other people like yeah, we’re all going through this together. It is very difficult and It gets better. I think that reminder is important.

Joe: That is that is important reminder, but you’re right We do get through it. We figure it out and we keep on showing him. So Patrick Thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

Patrick: Awesome. Thanks a lot.

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Episode 303 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Greg Parks, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• When one twin climbs out of the crib
• Handling twins with two older children
• One twin in NICU for 9 days while other twin is home
• Welcoming another baby into the family after twins
• Sleeping arrangements for all the kids
• Baby monitor technology to keep tabs on kids
• Exponential work when attention divided with twins
• Never use twins or younger kids as an excuse for not doing something with older kids
• Finding opportunities to get one on one time with the kids
• Financial tips for young children
• Balancing finances as a large family
• and more…

Connect with Greg via email.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Today, we continue our Father of Twins interview series with another twin dad, a fellow Texan father of five, including boy-girl twins. Share some of the challenges of welcoming twins into the family when you already have a couple of children, plus what happens when a fifth child arrives after the twins. That plus some tips on teaching your children how to handle finances and money at an early age. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, The Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re here today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com, where you can listen to all previous podcast episodes and find other resources to help you along your twin parenting journey. If you are still expecting twins, I have a special gift for you today. You can get a free audio book version of my first book for dads called Dad’s Guide to Twins over at freetwinbook.com. Once again, that’s freetwinbook.com.

Today, I would like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Greg Parks. Welcome to the show, Greg.

Hey, thanks a lot, Joe. Glad to be here.

Greg, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age?

We have boy, girl, twins, Evan and Ava, and they are going to be turning three March 12th. An exciting thing right now, I think watching the two of them interact, they keep each other so much company and they really keep each other in line. Just last night, our son, so Evan, the boy, twin, has figured out how to climb out of his crib, though it’s lowered all the way to the ground. We took all the bolts out and everything. And this just started last night. And so went back, put him in, he’s pretty upset, put him back in. Well, no joke, we’re listening on the monitor. And after about the fourth or fifth time that I put him back in his crib, I hear him call out to his sister. And his sister tells him, they call each other Wubba. I don’t know where that came from, but she tells him, “Wubba, stay in bed.” And he says, “I want to get out.” And she says, “Wubba, stay in bed. Go night night.” And she was, you know, keeping him in line and telling him what to do. And from that, he decided, “Well, I guess I better stand back because my sister told me to.” And so just watching them communicate and, you know, have almost, almost have like, their own language and their own jokes has been so fun to watch as they interact with each other.

That is fun. That’s crazy. That just happened. If you have a unique situation, Greg, because as soon as one of my girls figured out how to climb on the crib, her other sister mimic that exact behavior and it was just chaos. Congrats to your daughter for being the mom in the room and telling everybody to stay put. That’s crazy.

Yeah. I think it’s a combination of being a mom. She very much has a motherly instinct with her dolls and of course watching my wife, Andrea, take care of our little one. But it’s a fine line between a motherly instinct and I think just being bossy. And, she is definitely the enforcer of the two of them, to the point that she usually takes the lead and he follows on pretty much everything. So it definitely has the positives as in last night. But it can also be a case where she’s just, she’s just being bossy. She needs to cool off. So, that’d be fun to see how it plays out. They both start breaking out of jail and how that turns out.

Oh yeah, yep.

Now twins are not your only children, right? What’s your family makeup look like these days?

So we have a great rambunctious family of seven total, two adults and five kids. Our oldest son, Nolan is 10. Our next daughter, Madison, is eight. And then we have Evan and Ava, of course we’re two year old twins. And our youngest Bailey just turned one this last Sunday, on January 14th.

Now were your older kids old enough to know what was happening when the twins were born and you’re expecting the twins?

Yeah, no, it was great. We have a great video, like a lot of people these days, of them doing the twin reveal for them. And my wife Andrea had gone and bought two onesies two onesies and gotten them and put lettering on them where one of them said guess what and the other one said guess what else and we gave them to Nolan and Madison to open and just watching them. I’m watching their brains put together There’s two two outfits here. Are we are we having two babies and this look from both of them of instant surprise and delight. And then I think it was our son who almost was like, “Oh, so our family is doubling.” And figuring out what that would mean was really fun to watch. But they were so excited to have twins and to know that twins are pretty unique. So of course, they’re telling all their friends and things like that. We had a similar reaction when we told them we were having Bailey, our fifth, and that was a bit more of a mixed reaction of excitement. Then one more and adding on top of that. But watching their reactions to the twins was really great. They were very excited overall.

How did your twins react to the newborn, the youngest?

So when Bailey was born six weeks early, so she spent about three and a half weeks in the NICU. The twins were at an age, they weren’t even two yet. They were going to turn two that March. They obviously had no idea what was going on. They just knew things were different at the house. My mother-in-law was staying over, of course, while we were in the hospital and things like that. We had great family support, so thankful for that. I do have a great photo when we finally brought Bailey home. We’ve got some great photos and videos of Evan coming over instantly, taking to Bailey, giving her a kiss, just super excited. And Ava was a bit more reserved. I’ve got a great photo of her very sweetly just watching Bailey rest on the couch in her docketat and just kind of keeping an eye on her. Not quite sure what to think of her yet, but just watching over her in her motherly way. And now it’s been great. They’re at a point now where Bailey being one and the twins being almost three, they interact so well and the twins love to to make her laugh. They love to tickle her and they can just interact in a way that is so fun to listen to. You can even hear it from the other room and they’re just making each other laugh and that’s been a lot of fun.

What’s the sleeping arrangements for all your kiddos? How do you fit them all in your place?

Yeah, so we’ve been in our house

now almost four years. We built it big, not knowing twins are on the way, but definitely glad for the extra space. And so we even wondered when we moved in, have we built too big? Are we gonna be able to fill these rooms with kids? Hopefully. And sure enough, we were blessed abundantly. And so our older two each have their own room upstairs. And then the twins have a downstairs room that was built as a media room. We never planned to use it that way, but luckily it was big enough because of that And it is the way whole old double of everything to cribs to dressers and it’s just down the hall And so they’re down there kind of tucked away and then Bailey is up in our third bedroom upstairs She just moved up to her own room as well. So that’s kind of where everybody is So they’re there in their own spaces So they’re not necessarily interrupting each other during the night or even each other awake partying all night stuff like that The twins go down to court a bedtime for us first were in public school the older term public school my wife teaches there as well and so we’re we’re kind of early to bed people for the younger ones and what’s fun is Because Evan and Eva share a room and their cribs are sort of catty-corner to each other They they sit up and talk every night for easily over an hour And they talk and laugh and they just carry on all these conversations But you know, they’re not bothering anybody else. And so when the older two go to bed, you know, they’re not bothered by anybody And so now that our littlest one is up in her own room She also is, you know tucked away and and so when things are going on downstairs We don’t have to to keep the volume down quite as much as to when she was sleeping in our room You know right off the living room. So it’s it’s a pretty good setup.

You mentioned listening to a baby monitor. How do you keep tabs on the twins in their room and your youngest in her room? What technology are you using for that?

Yeah. I can’t remember the brand, but we’ve got two baby monitors that each will allow your monitor to attach to two cameras. We still have a camera in each of the older kids rooms, just in case they need us during the night. And which came in handy actually just recently we had about of stomach bug go through our house But so they eat have a camera and so that shared on one monitor and it will automatically, you know flip between them every you know 20 seconds or so and Originally, we then had two cameras in the twins room and we had one focus on each crib and that monitor would also switch But now right a point now We didn’t want to buy a third monitor And so we kept one camera in the twins room because it’s enough to watch both of them And then we put the other camera in Bailey’s room So overall we are monitoring four rooms on two monitors during the night and like during nap time. So That’s been a really great thing And one of the things we had to learn really fast which I’m sure a lot of people have learned also when you’ve got Especially a younger one in the house When others are taking naps when Bailey would nap in our room during the day Which is where we keep their monitors. We had to make sure that we turn on the volume down the twins would go play in their nursery and be hooting and hollering and all that sound is coming through the monitor in our room and Sometimes it would wake Bailey up or the older two are upstairs, you know playing upstairs in their room And so we had to get into the habit of taking the monitor out or turning them down all the way To make sure that Bailey could sleep in there and not be interrupted remotely.

They mentioned Bailey had to spend some time in the NICU, but no that was not your first NICU experience was it?

No, it was not. It was our longest one and Ironically with the twins Evan was our NICU twin Ava was able to come home on a normal schedule even though she was the smaller of the two She met her numbers faster And so Evan was in the NICU for about nine days and and that was our first NICU experience it was It was a very difficult few days. I know I mentioned this when you and I were talking before the show So we had when we came home from the hospital after the twins were born Obviously were exhausted. My wife was a rock star just like she has me with all of my kids She was amazing. The doctors were amazing. We had a great experience. We were at Medical City Dallas and just can’t say enough good things about them. That’s where all of our kids have been born. But we came home and so Evan was still in the NICU. And so we wanted to go see him, you know, pretty much every day. That was our goal to go every day. And we did. This was during COVID. They were born in 2021. And so obviously lots of restrictions on getting up to the NICU, which already has a lot of restrictions. The older two were still in school and again, you know, prompts to our family for helping out in so many ways. So basically what a day would look like when we first came home with Ava was, you know, she’s up all day and night doing feedings. And then we’re getting up and I’m taking the kids to school and dropping them off, coming back. And then we’re getting ready to go down to the hospital. to visit Evan, but Ava cannot go up to the NICU because of her age. And so some days my mother-in-law would come and she would either stay with Ava at the house or actually come to the hospital with us and watch her in the lobby. And Andrew and I would go up so we could spend, you know, extended time with Evan. But then it was back home, picking the kids up from school, sometimes going back out to the hospital later that night to see him. And so all this went on, looking back, it was only nine days, but it felt like six months between sleep deprivation and all that. But at the same time, we made it through, Evan got to come home. We have a great picture of Ava laying on the ground, not only looking at her brother on the NICU monitor, they have kind of their own zoo monitor in the NICU. So she’s looking at her brother, but reaching out to him on the monitor. And it’s a very special photo. She’s wanting him to come home. But it was a very, very hard driving away from the hospital that first day that we brought Ava home because we were leaving half of them in the hospital. And I mean, that was such a weird feeling to look back and see one car seat empty, and to know that he wasn’t coming with us yet. And obviously we were very blessed. Our other twin did come home. We know so many families that had twins and it wasn’t the same kind of turnout. But looking back in that time period, that was a very special time. It was a very busy time, but full of blessings and one that I wouldn’t change for anything.

Were there some complications or did he just need a little extra time to get ready for the real world?

Yeah, he just needed some extra time. It was one of those that anybody who’s had NICU experience can relate to where he would meet his feeding goal for one day, but what they do is then they up the goal. The goal was constantly moving up and until he can meet it and then really surpass it, they don’t sign off with him going home. And so he was just needing to be able to just feed better. And he was also dealing with some reflux and things like that. And once he was able to show that he could manage all that and he was up where he needed to be feeding compared to his weight. They signed him out and we broke him out of the NICU and brought him home.

There’s been no lingering complications after that?

No. No, he’s been great. Like all kids who are two and three, they’re very picky eaters. But Evan is our only kid who not only, he’s our healthiest eater. All kids have their own preferences for eating. Evan, he loves to eat salad and loves fruit. And so a lot of times we will buy a salad from the store and a fruit tray and that’s his snacks for the day. Never had another kid who likes salad and fruit that much, but a lot of times he will pass up chicken nuggets for salad and fruit. So I’m definitely not complaining about that.

What were some of the unique challenges you’ve had, parenting, because you had singletons one at a time before the twins arrived, and how does that compare to kind of the time and attention you were able to give to the twins when they showed up?

Yeah, and so that was obviously a very new territory for us. We know lots of people who, you know, twins were their first, they were one and two, and so they had kind of one experience, but when we had older singletons already, it was difficult a lot of the time to make sure that everybody was just getting the attention that they needed and that we wanted to give them. One of the things I know I mentioned to you was we had this idea, as we were getting ready for the twins to be born, that everything would be doubled. Double the work, but hey, double the fund, which in so many ways is true for sure. Thing I told a lot of people and they asked me what it was like having twins, I said, having twins is it’s not a linear kind of growth. It’s very exponential. And so when you have two at the same age, it’s not times two, it’s really, you know, it’s really squared to the second power. It’s what it’s what it’s like, both in the good and maybe the more difficult. But we found that because we were having to do everything twice. We would have to divide and conquer with who, I would get up with Evan during the night, Andrew would get up with Ava, and we’re going back and forth. And then when you’re changing diapers or feeding, you’re doing two of everything. And what we found out was, excuse me, that in a lot of ways we felt like our time with our twins would actually cut in half because we were always focused on one or the other and it was just never-ending, back and forth. And so in some ways, your time with the twins is shortened because you always have the responsibility of the other twin sort of edging into your time with their sibling. And then with our older two, and they’ve been phenomenal, they are great older siblings, They’re patient, they’re loving, they love to play with the twins, and that’s been so fun to wives. They’ve taken it very naturally. I think very much that they are, that no one in Madison are the favorites of the twins out of everybody else in the family. They love their older siblings. But we also could tell that, you know, we needed to devote some more time to them just because it’s easy for them to kind of get forgotten as we’re dealing with the twins so much. And one of the things that my wife has been so great about, she’s had to kind of pull me along sometimes when I forget, is that we make it a priority that we never use the twins or Bailey as an excuse for why we can’t go do something. We don’t ever want to foster any kind of even unconscious resentment toward their younger siblings. So if we’re not able to go to this activity or whatever, we are very cognizant to not say that it’s because, oh, we can’t take the twins or we can’t take Bailey. We want to make it where, and a lot of times they are part of the reason, that’s just reality, but we want to make sure that there’s not ever any feeling of, well, they’re keeping us from doing this as a family. And at the same time, we’ve tried very hard to still go and do a lot of things and to go and do them, all seven of us. Going to the store with twins, you get enough attention from your fellow shoppers, which I always enjoy that very much. and other people with twins will come and talk to us and they’ll ask if they’re twins, which is always really fun. But we can go and do a lot of things, all seven of us. And we get a lot of attention that way. And we always wanted our kids to know that, even though we’re gonna be limited on some things, we wanna go and do things as a family. My son was in basketball and, or no one was in basketball Madison was in cheer for his team on Saturday morning games. And we would load up the car and all seven of us would go and my in-laws would come and meet us there. And we were there in force. We were always there altogether managing the little ones and wanted them to come and be a part of that. And so I’ve always really appreciated our desire to do things as a large family, even when it’s hard. I think it’s very much worth the effort when you can to go do that.

I think that’s a great perspective to have the, yeah, not using, you know, one of your situations here, the kids or the two young kids to limit the activities for the whole family. There’s always something that you can do. You can make it work with your big crew. That’s for sure. We’ve got four kids. So we do get some of those looks as well when we go out in public, especially when they were, when they were little, all hanging, all hanging on the side of the cart or whatever, running around, you know, you make it work, figure it out. And some, some things you realize, okay, maybe just mom or dad should go do this thing by themselves. And other times you’re like, okay, let’s do this. Take the whole family. Yeah, we, we are at a point right now at their ages where a lot of times, if one of us needs to go run an errand, um, it’s very rare for, for us not to bring even one or two kids along with us,

just, you know, not only to kind of have that one-on-one time with them, um, you know, whoever it is, you know, Bailey or the twins or whoever, But also just to, you know, for the parent who’s staying at home, to give them a little bit of a break and give them the chance to, you know, kind of hang out with, with the remaining kids. One of the things I always like to joke about is when you have five kids. Number one, it’s hard to get them all I like to use the phrase pond off so that Andrew and I can go on a day that that’s pretty tough and again we have great family support locally, but it’s hard. You can’t just drop five kids off at most places and say, “We’ll be back in a couple of hours.” But one of the things that I always laugh at is with our family, we can get three of our kids squared away somewhere else and still have two kids we got to do something with. And I always laugh. It’s like they’re always there. But when we do go out and run errands, it is fun to take some of them with us and just try to make that a special time. When you’ve got five kids and having four, you can relate to this perfectly. It’s more about quality time and not necessarily what it is you’re out doing. One of my favorite things to do is take the twins to the grocery store. We live right behind Target and to go to Target with them. And I have a routine. I drive around the parking lot looking for the double cedar cart. And it’s always going to be in one of the shopping cart bays. And that’s where we park and bring it over and put the twins in it and go in the store. And most of the time, it’s a lot of fun. Just taking them in and they love going. And you kind of get that special time with them. But you end up having a special time doing the most routine thing. Yeah, we do other things. We go to places like Great Wolf Lodge, and things like that, the zoo and stuff. But when you’ve got five, both logistically and financially, a lot of times, you know, what we end up doing is just making the most of just, you know, going to the grocery store and making that some special family time. So.

Yeah, I love that. We would do that too. It’s like you stuff that you may consider just routine or mundane can still be a meaningful opportunity to connect with your children, you know. So that’s great that you’re doing that.

Greg, you professionally work as a financial advisor. What are maybe some tips to teaching some financial skills to very young children? Have you found any success with that on the home front?

I work as a financial advisor for Edward Jones. That’s my little plug there. My office is located in Plano, Texas and love working with families of all types and stripes and ages. But as far as working with kids financially, it is funny, my kids are still not exactly sure what I do. I’ve been in this field now for just since last July. I love what I’m doing. But they usually just tell their friends, “Oh, my dad helps people make money.” Which, you know, that’s my goal for sure. I’d love for your portfolio to grow. But some of the things that we worked on with them, and we were doing this even before I was, I was in financial advising, we, so we attend church regularly as a family. And so we try to emphasize, you know, setting aside some money for different things there, if there’s like a special contribution for the kids, you know, we try to make their money, you know, be a part of that. And also just looking, helping them go and see, you know, how to save up for things, whether it’s birthday money, or, you know, chores money, which we’re still figuring out chores in our house, but helping them save and then go and see what can I buy with this money and helping them especially at the ages of eight and 10, where they are not to be careful of impulse buys. And I’m the first person to be guilty of that. Still, I have to work on that. But helping them see not only the advantage of not buying something just for the sake of buying it, but the advantages of holding off, to wait gratification is a great thing to teach at that age and helping them see the benefit of money, saving up and then being able to buy something that you really want instead of just always spending it when you’ve got it, if it’s burning a hole in your pocket. One of the things that I think they’re getting to the age of now that I’d like to start working with them on is helping them see how money can grow when you invest it and things like that and the time value of money. What’s great is you can talk about that with your kids. one of the things that I talk with a lot of my clients about. That is a, you know, I think it was Ben Franklin that said, you know, one of the wonders of the world is compounding interest and the way that it can help your money grow. And so that’s a great concept to grasp as a kid, but it’s just as great a concept to grasp as an adult. And so those are some of the things that have been fun to talk with my kids about in the financial realm.

Now, are you giving them an allowance or would you just make all money they get as gifts or from other sources?

So they are big on earning money. And so we don’t have a formal system in place yet for allowance. What we do at the moment is outside of birthday money, Christmas money, things like that, we will sporadically assign chores that they can earn money on. One of the things that we’d like to implement that we’ve seen is a chore chart that has different categories. One category is things you must do every day. They’re kind of a given. And a lot of times, we are believers that some of the chores you do, you don’t need to get reimbursed for them. They’re simply a part of being a member of a family. It’s part of family responsibility. However, there are other chores that you can opt to do that we are glad to pay you for. And not only can you see what those chores are and how much they earn, but you can choose on your own when to do them and how often. And sort of give them some skin in the game for, “Hey, I’d like to earn some extra money. What can I go do? And here’s Here’s the pricing chart and things like that. So those are just some things I think we’re trying to implement soon for our family.

That’s very clever. I like that approach. And you’re teaching the value of money, the value of work, and that’s great. So as families, with twins families, with lots of kids, there’s a lot of financial pressure to handle here and now with the family. So how do you juggle that while keeping an eye on the future as parents? You’re trying to save money for every day. You’re trying to save for retirement. And how are you able to balance those two things?

No, that’s a great question. And you’re absolutely right. It is so easy, even when you have one kid, a much less multiples, it’s very easy to sort of have blinders on and be very narrowly focused. And again, there’s no fault there. That’s just the reality of day to day. Even right now with our kids in school and my wife teaching and in my job and in the littles. I mean, most of us who have kids, again, regardless of how many you have, we’re kind of just focused on making it through today or even making it through the next couple of hours because that’s just reality when you have a big family. So, I think we have, Andrea and I have been talking a lot over the last couple of years about being more intentional about planning for the future. My wife is great at budgeting and keeping an eye on those things. And she kind of keeps us in the black there, which I’m so appreciative of. So we’re looking down the road, where can we set aside money here and there for these different costs? How can we start saving for things like college retirement and things like that. How do we do those things? And so just, I think one of the biggest things is number one, be sure that you and your spouse are just, that you’re open and communicating about it. I was in ministry for 16 years and one of the big three trouble areas in a marriage is money. And so, oh, and no one is immune from that. And so we’re always trying to be sure that we’re talking to each other about those things. I will be the first to admit, even ironically, being a financial advisor, money is usually the last thing I want to talk about when it relates. I’ll talk about everybody else’s money, but I don’t want to talk about our own money. And I’ve had to really work on that. And my wife has done a great job of getting me into that mode to do that. But being able to talk openly about it and make plans and both of you look for solutions and things like that. And I would say, and again, this is a shameless plug, but it’s a great opportunity to let a financial advisor come along. And I would say two things that a financial advisor can offer is, one, they can see things that you cannot, that are just either because you don’t know about them, because maybe you don’t have the financial knowledge in that area. And so we can provide education and enlightenment. I had never thought of that. The other great thing that our financial advisor brings to the table for anybody, but especially for families with kids, is the ability to consolidate your financial world into one lens. Most people have money in 12 or 15 different places, 401Ks, IRAs, a savings account over here, something I inherited. And it’s in all these different places and a financial advisor. And one of the things I love to do is bring all that together and give people a sense of their current financial health. We do some planning and dreaming about where they would like to be, whether that’s college for their kids, retirement down the road. What does that look like? Then that gives us a roadmap between here and there and You know We’re gonna we’re gonna look for how you can get there the best way possible and you know how we can help you do that and so there are a lot of advantages when you have Responsibilities like kids and it’s hard to kind of focus on those things sometimes an outside Perspective like a financial advisor, you know can be a great help to Showing up any gaps and making sure that you can you can get where you want to go

Fantastic. Greg, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Sure. My email address, I’ll just give my personal one, it’s grego.parks@gmail.com. That’s an old high school nickname. That’s another story. But yeah, anybody who would like to, I’m on Facebook too. Just Greg Parks in the Dallas area. And I would love to connect with anybody and Joe, I’m so thankful for your twins group. It’s been a great blessing to me and to our family, you know, to, to walk this awesome journey, with a lot of other dads and families and to just appreciate all you’ve done for the twin dad community.

Well, thank you. You’re very welcome. I appreciate you coming on the show today to share your story with the other twin dads that are coming up on the journey behind us. So thanks for your time today, Craig. We really appreciate it.

Joe, thanks so much.

I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Greg about his adventures as a father of twins and raising a family with five children. If you want to connect with Greg, I’ll link up to his contact information in the show notes for this episode. You can go straight to podcast episodes via TwinDadPodcast.com.

Once again, today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads. It’s called Dad’s Guide to Twins. You can get a free audiobook version for you. This is perfect if you’re still expecting your twins over at freetwinbook.com. Once again, that’s freetwinbook.com. If you’d like to share your story like Greg did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via Instagram or Twitter, also known as X. My username is @twindadjoe, or you can drop me an email, jo@dadsguidetotwins.com, and I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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Episode 302 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Chris Decent, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Older sibling’s concerns transforming into wonderful big sister
• Going through multiple failed adoptions before getting the twins
• When one twin spent 4 months in the NICU
• Selling their home right away after birth to move closer to the hospital
• Deciding to have Mom stay home with the kids
• Discovered about autism after twins were missing milestones
• Having each child at different levels developmentally
• Getting special needs children into school that matches their needs
• A child’s tantrum vs autism meltdown
• Sleep challenges with twins
• When twins don’t look alike
• and more…

Connect with Chris via email for any questions about ASD.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Today, I’d like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Chris Decent.

Welcome to the show, Chris.

Thanks for having me, Joe.

Chris, how old are your twins right now? What’s something exciting about this age?

They will be six in about a month at the end of February. And I think what’s most exciting right now is just seeing how they get interested in things, whether it’s trains or cuckoo clocks, which my son is currently in love with. Just kind of seeing how their brains work and what is most interesting to them.

That’s fun to watch them. And you’re into like, they’re turning into little humans and they have different interests and stuff. That’s pretty exciting.

Feel like we’ve been in the survival phase for a while now. My twins both have some special needs that we’ll talk about a little bit today. So that’s been another thing that’s been interesting is although they’re twins, my daughter is developmentally probably about a year behind my son. So in some ways, it feels like déjà vu. We keep going Groundhog Day, going through the same things, but it’s been quite a wild ride.

Are they your only children?

I also have an 18-year-old who’s a freshman at Mississippi State.

Fantastic. So that’s Bulldogs, right?

That’s right. And she’s the best big sister ever. Part of our story is that we actually adopted the twins at birth. And my 18-year-old set up an Instagram account for them that’s called Decent Double Trouble. And it really just kind of is a way to follow their story and all the things that they’ve been through in the last six years. So her name is Claire, and she’s the best big sister anyone could hope for.

Great. It’s always good to have an extra pair of helping hands, especially when they’re like, she was obviously old enough to help when the twins came home.

She was. She doesn’t live with us full time, but she’s here all the time. And, you know, it’s interesting too, as part of our journey that, when Claire was writing her essays to get into Mississippi state, she was awarded a very prestigious scholarship at Mississippi state. What she wrote about is the twins and how her life has changed.

And I’ll never forget the opening line to her scholarship essay. It starts by saying, “Will I get enough presents? Will I have to share my room?” Those are the first thoughts that went through her head when I called to tell her that she now had a brother and sister. And she just talks about how she was a little bit selfish as a 12 or 13-year-old kid and how the last 5 and 1/2, 6 years have really changed her world and how Cooper and Scarlett have really changed her view of the world. And as a dad, there’s nothing that warms my heart more.

That’s great. That’s great to see her evolve in that phase as a big sister. I know we have two boys, we had two boys before our twins were born, but they were too young to express what you just said Claire expressed to you, right? They were surely thinking something like, am I still going to get attention? Am I still going to get everything they need? But they couldn’t articulate that. So that was pretty cool that she was able to.

Well, you know, it’s always been amazing to me is how she, when I, you know, I didn’t see those words or her put those words on paper until about a year ago. And for me to think about, wow, I had no clue you had those thoughts when you were 12 or 13 years old. It’s just, it’s such a reminder that our children see and hear so much more than we ever think they do. And they have their own thoughts, whether they articulate those to us in the moment or not. But what we do, what we show them, how we’re there for them, all those things matter. And she’s a great reminder of that.

Absolutely. You mentioned that you brought the twins home. You adopted them at birth. So how much advanced notice did you get before you knew you would be having twins?

Quite a bit. We had a long journey to grow our family. We had multiple rounds of IVF that did not work. And actually, we had multiple failed adoptions. And that’s something that people don’t talk about a lot. We had more than once we went to the hospital expecting to bring home a child, and the birth mother changed her mind.

And every state’s a little bit different. In the state of Florida, once a child is born, then in order to sign adoption papers, I think it needs to be 48 hours post birth and a certain number of hours off of any medications. And so we had the life-changing experience of having some birth mothers change their mind. So when we were actually paired with the birth mother of our twins, we made the hard decision not to tell anybody in our life.

We had been through some really hard times. And so we were paired with her for about four months prior to the twins being born. So my wife and I were preparing and nesting and doing all those things. But nobody in our life knew until we called them. And we didn’t call them until the adoption was finalized. So two days after they were born, we got to go through that experience of calling friends and family and saying, “By the way, we now have twins.”

And a part of our story too is that my son Cooper came home immediately at that two-day mark, and his sister Scarlett stayed in the NICU for four months. She was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia, which is what we’ve learned a lot about in the last five or six years. But I would just say that she requires a surgery and an extensive stay in the NICU.

So as we started to share with the world, we brought Cooper to my parents and my in-laws and said, “This is your grandson,” and we had to share pictures of Scarlett for those four months until we brought her home. That’s quite the prize. You have the twins, and you’re probably expecting to bring them home shortly after their birth, and then you have some complications or they’re separated. How did you manage that kind of logistics of when your son’s at home, your daughter’s in the hospital, probably have, you know, work responsibilities, all that stuff. How do you balance that?

Yeah, when I, when I think back about it, my wife and I were just talking about this the other day, I think it’s a great parallel to just being the parent of twins. I think you just do it in the moment. Now when I think back about it five years later, I don’t know how we did it. I do know that we were told about a month before my daughter was born that she had this condition and required a surgery.

But we were told by the surgeon that she’d be in the hospital for about two weeks and then she’d come home. Well, that two weeks became 123 days. And my wife and I slept at the hospital for almost all of those nights. And we somehow shuttled back and forth. One of the first things we did is we put our house immediately on the market. We sold it in about two weeks because we knew we needed to be really close to the hospital. We knew that in our hearts.

And we rented a house right downtown, Jacksonville, near the hospital. And that helped to be just five minutes away. But when you ask how we did it, I really don’t know. I think it’s just a great example of you just do what you need to do for your kids. I often laugh about thinking about when we finally did bring Scarlett home, I can only imagine what Cooper was going through Cooper’s head at that time because he hadn’t seen his sister literally in four months and they had been together in the womb all that time.

So someday I hope to, I know we’ll never know the answer, but I always joke that when she came home, he said, “Where have you been all this time?” I think you make a great point there how you just you kind of figure things out, you adapt, you roll with it. You make some changes, you may I mean even made big changes like that’s completely solar house and move.

As a dad, as parents, I mean sometimes you just have to take whatever action is necessary for the best. You know the best outcome for your family. So at the time, I worked at a local university that was very understanding. Like I said, we tried to spend as much time as possible at the hospital with Scarlett. My wife at the time was a recruiter in healthcare, working remotely.

And not long after we brought Scarlett home, she made the decision that she needed to stay home full-time with the kids. It’s something I’m grateful for her every day. I don’t know how she’s done the last five and a half years at home with them, but I know that there was a significant amount of intervention and therapies and just care and love that they needed that one of us needed to stay home.

And she’s taken that on last five and a half years, and I’ll, I’ll forever be grateful for that. Yeah, that’s amazing. I know there are, there’ve been some other complications down the road developmentally with your twins that obviously require a lot of extra hands-on attention and involvement. So that’s great that she can be home with them.

Let’s talk about some of those other challenges that you’ve had with your son and your daughter. You mentioned that they are on the autism spectrum. So how did you even discover that was the case with them?

Yeah, so when I think back, two years old was really that trigger for us. I think up until two, a combination of the fact that they were younger and you typically don’t get the diagnosis until you’re a little bit older, a combination of that and all the time that we spent worrying about Scarlett and her medical condition.

When we think back, we often say, we kind of let Cooper do his thing. And then one day we woke up, it felt, it feels like he was one and a half, two years old and we’re like, I’m not sure he’s meeting his milestones. And I think in our guts, we probably thought that before. And my wife and I are definitely type A’s that want to jump on and fix something if there’s a solution, right? Whatever that is.

And so we were blessed at the time that I worked at a hospital in fundraising at a foundation at a hospital. And so we got access to some services immediately and had both children diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. I think it was probably more of a shock for us with Cooper, with my son, because he hadn’t had any challenges.

My daughter’s medical condition doesn’t necessarily lead to autism or anything, but we knew that some of what she went through could delay her. So I think the fact that it was autism just happened to be the thing with her. Then as we found out that my son had the same diagnosis, that was definitely a jarring moment for us to hear that. I think you want your kids to have the best life they can have, whatever that means.

And we still make the effort every day to make that happen. It’s just, it’s been a different journey for sure. In trying to figure out what therapies do you need? What schools, you know, you know, do you need different aids or different help for things? And our goal has always been, give them as much support as we can at an early age, ’cause we know that makes such a huge difference.

So logistically, what does that look like? As far as, you’ve found some extra help that they need, and does that involve them going someplace on a regular basis and stuff happening in the home, what does that look like?

Yeah, so there’s different schools of thought about this out there, but we definitely prescribe to ABA therapy for our children as it relates to their autism, especially my daughter. So ABA is Applied Behavioral Analysis. It’s a form of therapy for children with autism, and it really focuses on getting them to comply with understanding compliance first before you can move on to teaching them things.

And that’s worked wonders for my daughter. She has an ABA therapist that comes into our home and also follows her to school. She goes to school about three hours a day to, you know, what I’m gonna call it a school, but really more of a developmental center that’s really just focused on kind of meeting her where she’s at.

And, you know, since the twins are almost six, they’re not fully matriculated in the school system yet. We’re probably about a year away from that with kind of some of their delays, but that’s where I think Scarlett is. I could see her matriculating more fully into school next year. And really we take it on a year by year, month by month basis about where she’s at.

Does she need extra support or has she overcome some of these things? ‘Cause some of the things that really hold the kids back are things like speech-related challenges. And our hope is that that continues to get better over time and then they’ll be able to better articulate what it is they’re trying to get at and they’ve made great strides.

Cooper does go to a school. It’s kind of a quasi-clinic school for children with special needs. And he goes 8.30 to 2.30 Monday through Friday. And I’m a proud dad who’s sitting here today to say that he’s done three days this week in a row in the car rider line. And that was a huge accomplishment for our family. So I drop him off at 830, and his aide comes out and gets him and takes him out of the car, and he’s happy as can be. And I pick him up at 230. So that’s a win, and everything for us is pushing towards how can we get more matriculated into the school system or whatever they need. And again, I can see that happening over the next year.

Sounds like they’re making great progress. How does their autism affect maybe their interactions with you at home or their interactions with each other on the home front?

Say autism has made us rethink and relearn everything we thought we knew as parents. So when I think about my 18-year-old, when she was the same age as the twins, if she did something wrong, we punished her in some way. And I’m not sitting here to discuss what different versions of punishment people use, right? But we’ll just say, you know, whether it’s even just, you know, raising your voice to your child or looking at them in the eye or sending them to their room. I’ll use those as examples. Right. For a neurotypical child, that’s how you parent. That’s how I learned my entire life. That’s how I was parented. Or a children with ASD, a child on the spectrum. That does not work. That is not going to help them. And another example I would use is if you’re out in public at a store and your child wants a piece of candy in line and they start throwing a tantrum, right?

So do you have children yourself? When I think about my 18-year-old, she threw tantrums at the kid, right? But what none of those children have had is an autistic meltdown. That is something completely different. And too often, people will see an autistic child, what you think of as acting out in public and think, “Well, why can’t their parents handle that?” What I want to get out there to people is that understanding the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. So a tantrum is responding to denied access. So your child wants Cheez-Its, you don’t want to give them Cheez-Its, they throw a tantrum. That happens to all children. and not. A meltdown is something completely different. A meltdown sometimes doesn’t have a reason, but the child cannot see clearly at that point. It has gone so far beyond that. So that’s been quite a learning experience for us, like I said, to have to literally relearn all the things I thought I knew about parenting and to understand. So to answer your question in short, I would say it affects every part of our life. It affects what places we choose to go, who we spend our time with, how long we can stay at things. And I would use the example of birthday parties, right? When Claire was little, we’d go to a birthday party for a friend or family member and you’d be there for a couple, two, three hours, right? Probably done that a hundred times. When we get invited to things now and I think about going, we might only be there 15 minutes. We might only be there an hour. We really try to meet our children and their needs where they are and, um, get them in the best place possible.

So do you, uh, you just play, you play off the cues that your children are giving you as far as how long you stay somewhere, what the next steps are?

We do. We also, we try to be really prepared in advance, right? So, um, again, to use this example of going over to somebody’s house for an event or a party or the, you know, before the twins were born, I would have taken Claire and if she said, “Well, I don’t want to go,” I would have said, “Well, we’re going,” right? Or, “This is your grandmother’s birthday party,” or “This is your…” And now, if we wake up in the morning and we can see that the twins are not regulated that day, and that could be for a number of reasons. It could be they haven’t been outside enough, which is an important regulation tool for them. It could be that they didn’t sleep well the night before. We really struggle with sleep in my house, which is a typical ASD thing. It could be for a lot of reasons that we wake up that next morning and we say, “It’s just not the right decision for our family to go.” And so I think that’s been the hardest part for me personally is relearning everything I thought I knew. And then the follow-up to that is helping educate friends and family members about those things too. I mean, you have your child over at your parents’ house or a family member’s house and your child starts screaming or acting out. Again, everybody wants you to parent the way we think we all know how to parent. And I’m so grateful to the family members who have learned about our kids fast and provide things like safe spaces for them to go in a quiet room or understand that when we come in your house and you open the door, if you do what you’ve probably done your whole life and say, “Wow, great to see you, Joe.” And it’s a big hug and you’re excited, that could trigger my family. So if you want to be an advocate for our family, if you want to understand our kids, then you need to understand you open the door quietly and we just see how things go.

That’s great. You have a good network of family and friends that understand and are able to accommodate and help you feel comfortable then you know the best in the situation that they can.

Oftentimes twins behavior plays off of each other because they’re always together, they grew up together. Do you see that in the case of your son and daughter as well or if one of them may be triggered in something the other will follow suit or are they kind of independent?

Yeah so we used to think of them as independent but now what we see is and I don’t know if this is a sister following her brother. I don’t know if it’s that she’s just a little bit more delayed than he is, but now I feel like He does something and then a year later she starts doing it Um things like turning on and off all the light switches in the house, right? When we got through that phase with him I remember thinking hallelujah and And then we had to go through that phase with her. Um, I also see things like He likes watching trains on TV and airplanes and I see her gravitate towards those same things. But I think probably one of the most rewarding things for me and my wife has been in the last year or so is seeing them start to play more together. Starting to see them even in the last couple months now they want to play hide and seek. They’re really bad at it. Okay, they’re okay at the seeking part. They’re really bad at the hiding part. But just hearing them say, “Hide and seek.” You know, “Play, hide, and seek” is really, it means so much to my wife and I, and they get so much joy from it. So I love seeing that, and I do see them starting to play off each other more. I also see them doing typical things like irritating each other. One has an iPad, and the other one snatches it from them. As much as I want to be upset in the moment, more than anything, I’m happy that they’re doing something that any two six year olds would do. So that’s just some of the things that we go through.

So is that implying that not too long ago, they weren’t really playing together or interacting with each other?

They weren’t really. I’d say for the first few years, maybe even the first four years, they almost ignored each other. And I always wondered, once we realized that autism, was it Was it that? Was it her medical conditions? Is it the fact they were separated for the first four months? I’m not sure and we’ll never know exactly what the reason is. But over time, they started to like each other a little bit more, even to the point where we would sometimes find him sleeping in her bed next to her if you saw her taking a nap. So I think those are things that, again, really warm our heart. But when I think about my twins, they’re, gosh, we try to parent them similarly, but boy, they are different people. When you think about the autism spectrum, I think they’re really good reflections of opposite ends of that almost. So my son is very non-traditional in the sense that if you open the door and started screaming, he would scream too. He would love it. He’s exciting. He wants to hug you. He wants to hang out with you. He wants to high five you. His excitement level is 11 out of 10 all day long. He never turns off. My daughter is more traditional, what people think of when they think of ASD, in that you might open the door and she might ignore you for a while. It takes her a little bit longer to warm up to you. She needs to, you need to build trust with her. So we definitely see that in them and in being so opposite. And so when they do anything together, it’s a home run in our house.

Did they share the room together or were they separate?

As we look at moving our family, which we’re going to be doing here in the next few months, we’re talking about maybe putting them in the same room. It’s a scary proposition. When we brought my daughter home from the NICU, there was really no option. She came home on oxygen for the first two years of her life and we were constantly tending to her medical needs. So she really needed her own space. Now, when I think about putting them together, I think about how long would it take for them to stop irritating each other so much that they would actually sleep. And like I said, we’ve gone through a lot of sleep challenges and are right now with the twins. So it is something that we’re considering, but we have not done it to this point.

You mentioned sleep challenges and those come in all different flavors. What have some of those been and like what are some successes that maybe you’ve had or or some things that you found that have worked?

I think our sleep story is probably as bad as anyone’s. About a year and a half ago, my son just stopped sleeping through the night. And up until that point, he had, it had been like our biggest win as parents is that you put Cooper to bed at like 7.30 at night and he sleeps till seven o’clock in the morning. We tried the mom’s on call method with him and it worked. And then he went through, I guess, what they call a sleep regression. And sometimes those are more severe when you’re dealing with an ASD diagnosis as well. So Cooper still goes to bed around that seven, seven 30 timeframe. He pretty much wakes up every night like clockwork, anywhere from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. And what he wants at that point is one of us to go in there and lay down with him, comfort him. So we’ve kind of trudged through that best as we can. We often joke that I haven’t gotten more than four hours dedicated sleep and as long as I can remember and I think that’s true. But honestly last night, I’ll use this as an example, Cooper didn’t get up till 5.30 and that may be jarring to some people and that was a home run in my house for him not to be up for the day till 5.30 I think partially because of his ASD, oftentimes when he wakes up, his brain is going so fast that he’s up for the day. Scarlett is a little bit better sleeping through the night and a little bit worse at going to sleep at night. We have tried some medications to help Cooper sleep and we’re still trying to figure out what’s best for him. Scarlett, we often say that, you know, when we put Cooper to bed, that’s Scarlett party time. She gets to be an only kid for a little bit. So I’d say she typically goes to sleep a little bit later and is more likely to sleep through the night. But the entire house is better. Everybody’s mood is better. Everybody is nicer to each other. If Cooper could, if we could get Cooper to sleep till six, two nights in a row, I would throw everyone a party.

Do they wake each other up? I mean, if one of them is sleeping and the other one’s wide awake, ready to go. Is that ever a challenge?

So we have Jack and Jill rooms for the kids, is kind of the setup and we’ve seen less of that. So that was a challenge to start with, is Cooper would wake up and he’d immediately go into his sister’s room and throw in all the lights. That was a phase that we got through and knock on wood, I hope we’re done with. Now more often what we see is he comes out and he’s looking for mom or dad to come comfort him and lay in bed with him. So, you know, we made some accommodations. I, again, no, no judgment. I, we never did any co-sleeping with our kids, but we’ve had to adjust that for Cooper. So we put him to bed at say 7 30, lay in bed with him for a minute until he falls asleep. And then we leave. And then typically when somebody goes in with him at 12, one o’clock at night, you’re in there with him until he, till he wakes up for the day. So that he’s not constantly getting up and coming back out. So we put it, moved to Queen’s size bed it was room as an example. So there’s room for us to get a little bit of rest. And to go back to your original question, you know, what changes have we made? I’ve adjusted my own sleep patterns. And so has my wife that three, four hours, it’s us there sometimes. That’s what our kids need.

Well, that’s great that you’re able to adapt. I mean, adjusting to what’s working, what’s not working and just trying to make it through, you know, sometimes you just have to make it through each day, one at a time. So it’s obvious that you have a great love for your children are able to provide the things that they need and adjust to their challenges, which is not an easy task for any parent.

If you look back at, um, you’ve got these challenges of, of your children being with autism and they’re also twins, but it seems like they’re still, they’re so independent of each other. Plus their boy-girl twin. Um, do people even know that you have twins? Do they just assume you have a couple of kids?

Yeah. Most people don’t believe that they’re twins. Um, That’s a great question by you. My son is, my daughter, partially because of her medical condition, is really, really small. She’s a little bit shorter. She’s very slight by comparison. My son is not. He’s a bruiser. And so, I think one of the most interesting things is when people hear their twins, people are in disbelief. They can’t believe they’re twins. They don’t look alike.

But the other thing that I’ve always found interesting is that people will consistently say that my son looks just like me. They’ve said that since he was born. And of course, most people, they have no idea that the twins are adopted. And they say my daughter looks just like my wife. And unbeknownst to those people who are saying that, it is pretty special when you hear that. And I have heard from other adoptive parents that kids, they’ve adopted children that look like them and act like them over time. But Cooper really from the hair to the eyes all the way down, I mean, if most people believe there’s no way he was adopted. And again, there’s no way that those two are twins. People, they could not be more opposite most of the time.

Well, that’s fun that they look like each of you and your partner there. I know that. I’ve heard like spouses kind of grow to look alike over the years, right? So it’s kind of fun that you have, have your adopted children that have grown to look like you and your wife. So that’s, that’s pretty cool.

Chris, we really appreciate you sharing your twin journey with us today.

If listeners want to reach out and connect with you, what’s the best way to do that? It’d be open to anybody emailing me and helping with any questions, especially as it relates to this world of autism and, um, but anything related to the twins too. So my, my email address is Chris C H R I S M as in Mary. And then my last name, which is decent, D-E-C-E-N-T, @gmail.com. And yeah, we’ve had to learn so much about navigating funding for services in the state of Florida.

I’ve had some great employers and jobs in the last six years, but insurance is not enough in and of itself. And so, you know, understanding how your state treats these services, and I’ll use Florida where we live as an example. That’s one of the reasons why we’re leaving the state of Florida because Florida is a tough state to live in for autism-related services. As an example, both of my children should qualify for the Medicaid waiver in the state of Florida. The current wait list is 15 years. So once you get qualified, it’s 15 years. If you were to move to New York, for example, you’d be eligible tomorrow. The impact of that is thousands of dollars worth of services and therapies that we’ve been blessed enough to figure out for our kids on our own, some of which we’ve had to go into debt for. Up to this point, we’ve been able to figure it out, but ultimately, Florida is a tough state to live in to navigate those services. And so if anybody ever needs a hand, I’m happy to help with at least our experiences.

Thank you. Thank you for being open and sharing that. I know those, those are the parents, the benefit from the stuff they’ve heard today on the podcast and from reaching out to you for those details.

So Chris, thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate it.

Thanks for your time, Joe.

I hope you enjoyed that chat with Chris about his adventures as a father of twins, a lot of the challenges that they’ve overcome, the progress that they’re making with their twins. And if you want to connect with Chris, like we mentioned, I’ll link up to that in the show notes for the podcast. You can go straight to the podcast episodes at TwinDadPodcast.com.

Once again, today’s show is brought to you by TwinTshirtCompany.com, where you’ll find great t-shirts and designs for you fathers or twins. You can buy them for yourself or you can ask for gifts for your birthday or holidays coming up or Father’s Day, whatever it is, you can find something that’ll make you smile over at TwinTshirtCompany.com.

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Burping is essential for your twins to release air trapped in their tummies after feeding, preventing discomfort and gas.

After a good burp, your babies will go from squirming, crying, and agitated to calm and happy.

We would always proactively burp our twins right after feeding. This helped prevent their discomfort if we waited.

The challenge is that if you’re feeding your twins at the same time, how do you burp both twins when they are finished eating?

Let’s talk about some examples of how to burp twins even in some of the complicated situations you’ll find yourself as a father of twins.

Before we jump in, remember that if you have any concerns about your twins’ digestion or issues with feeding, be sure to talk with their pediatrician for personalized advice.

How to Burp Twins Simultaneously:When faced with the challenge of burping both twins at the same time, an good system makes the process smoother. Here are some practical tips:

1. Double Duty Hold: Hold one baby against each shoulder, supporting their necks and heads with your hands. Gently pat or rub their backs simultaneously. You will likely have to position each baby one at a time. This method not only helps release trapped air but also offers comfort to both babies. Be sure to put a burp cloth on your shoulder to catch any spit up.
2. Lap Burping: Sit down with a baby on each knee, ensuring their heads are supported. Pat or rub their backs rhythmically, and if necessary, adjust their positions to find the most effective angle for burping. Position burp cloths under their heads to catch any surprises.
3. Partner Assistance: Enlist the help of your partner or another caregiver. Sit facing each other with a baby on each lap and take turns burping. This way, both twins receive the attention they need a the same time.

Here’s a twin dad example of holding and burping both twins at the same time:

Individual Burping of Twins:While simultaneous burping is efficient, there may be times when burping one baby at a time is more practical. Here are some tips for individual burping:

1. Rotate Feeding Positions: Alternate which baby you feed first during each feeding session. This allows you to focus on one baby at a time for burping, ensuring both receive equal attention.
2. Utilize Supportive Equipment: Invest in baby gear that can assist in individual burping. If you’re by yourself, be sure you have something nearby that can safely hold or support one of your babies. We’d use a twin nursing pillow or bouncy seat as an extra pair of hands if we needed to focus on feeding or burping one of our twins but still keep an eye on her sibling.
3. Create a Routine: Establishing a consistent routine can be beneficial. For example, if you have a specific order for feeding and burping, it becomes easier to manage the process for each baby individually.

Remember that if you’re feeling overwhelmed by yourself, it is just fine to help each twin one at a time. Managing simultaneous feeding and then burping twins will take some practice.

Here are some great examples of burping your twins from our friends at Twiniversity:

Medical Perspectives:

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), burping is an important aspect of infant care to prevent excessive gas and discomfort. The AAP recommends burping babies after every 2-3 ounces of formula or when switching breasts during breastfeeding.

Like I mentioned earlier, we tried to be proactive in burping after feeds. If you wait too long, your babies will let you know something is wrong.

Additionally, pediatricians emphasize the significance of proper head and neck support when burping infants. Always be mindful of your babies’ developmental stages and adjust your burping techniques accordingly. Don’t let their heads flop around!

Supporting Your Partner:

Helping your partner with the burping process is essential for shared parenting responsibilities.

When my wife was breastfeeding our twins, I would bring each baby to her one at a time. My wife would get the baby feeding and then I’d hand her the second baby. Once one baby finished eating, my wife would had that twin to me and I would do the burping and clean up.

Once we switched to bottle feeding, my wife and I would each take a baby and feed that twin individually. After feeding, the parent with the twin would handle the burping and clean up.

Here are some ways you can actively support your partner:

1. Take Turns: Alternate burping duties with your partner. This ensures both of you get some respite and actively contribute to caring for the twins.
2. Assist with Feeding: If your partner is breastfeeding, you can assist with bottle-feeding one of the twins. This allows your partner to focus on burping the other baby.
3. Create a Supportive Environment: Ensure a comfortable and calm environment during feeding and burping. Dim the lights, play soothing music, or engage in gentle conversation to create a relaxing atmosphere for both your partner and the babies.

Burping twins may seem like a daunting task, but with a bit of planning and the right techniques, it can become a manageable part of your routine as a twin dad. Remember to stay patient and adapt your approach based on your babies’ needs. If you have concerns or questions, consult with your pediatrician for personalized guidance.

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Let’s talk about stroller options for your twins plus one other child.

You could have a singleton child and then you have the twins, or you could have the twins and then you have a singleton child. Some of these configurations I talk about below can work for either one of these scenarios.

The premise of a lot of the twin strollers I mention below are that you have a standard double stroller with some kind of add-on like a standing stool or a third seat attachment. Thus a lot of double strollers right out of the box are not going to handle twins plus one. They’re built for double occupancy, and then you still to install some kind of add-on attachment.

But first, let me share what worked for us.

What We Did with Our Twins Plus TwoWe didn’t have twins plus one, we had twins plus two. We already had two toddler boys when our identical twin girls were born.

We had four kids, ages three and younger, and we had to solve the same dilemma of how to transport everybody where they needed to go.

We already knew that we had the two toddlers and we knew we had the twins coming. We got the inline Snap-n-Go stroller where their car seats could snap into the frame with one girl in front of the other behind. We used that stroller while the twins were infants and they were in their infant car seats. At that phase of our adventure, our toddler boys just walked around.

Alternatively, we also had wearable baby carriers, Baby Bjorns. So my wife could wear a baby in the Bjorn and I had the other baby in a Bjorn.

For example, we went to Disneyland when our girls where still babies. We took a double umbrella stroller that was the pack mule for our toddler boys, the twins when needed, and it carried our diaper bags and stuff. My wife and I each wore one of the twins in a Baby Bjorn on our chest. That way we were able to maneuver everybody around through the crowds. This same setup also worked when we were out in public at the grocery store or when we went for a walk.

You can be creative in how you’re carrying the twins. You could wear them, toddlers could walk, you can get a stroller, and you can get dedicated strollers with attachments that will fit twins plus one, which is what we’re going to talk about right now.

Here are some popular solutions for strollers for twins plus one:

Valco Double Stroller with Joey Third SeatUse the Valco double stroller with an extra jump seat. This is a standard side by side double stroller, but it has an attachment that sits on the front so that your plus one kid is right up in the front.

The third child sits in front of your twins. Your twins are going to be sitting side by side, and they’re going to be staring straight ahead and seeing the back of this little attachment chair that fits in the front. Sometimes these attachments are called joeys like the baby kangaroos that sit up front in momma’s pouch.

To create this twins plus one stroller setup for your family, you’ll need these two pieces:

• Valco Baby Trend Duo double stroller – this a standard side-by-side stroller for your twins.
• Valco Baby Tri Mode Duo X Toddler Seat – this is the front seat joey-style attachment

Zoe TrioAnother option is from Zoe. There’s the twin model of the Zoe stroller and there’s a trio version where instead of a joey seat like the Valco, you basically have a single stroller that sits in front of the double stroller.

At first glance, it looks like your double stroller rear ended and attached to a single stroller in some kind of sidewalk collision.

This kind of stroller setup requires that your kids are old enough to hold up their own heads.

This makes for an extra long train of babies that you’re going to be pushing around. If you need a little shorter, more compact solution, consider the other options we’re discussing here.

Bugaboo Donkey + Ride On BoardIf you haven’t heard about the Bugaboo Donkey, it is not priced like a donkey. It is priced more like a thoroughbred racing horse. It is one of the most expensive stroller options out there but does come highly recommended. So if you have the money and the budget to buy the Bugaboo Donkey (or if your in-laws want to chip in and buy this Cadillac version of a double side-by-side stroller) by all means, go for it.

The Bugaboo Donkey Duo version has a side-by-side stroller setup. It can handle side-by-side bassinets, car seats with attachments, and side-by-side seating as the kids are able to hold their heads up by themselves.

With Bugaboo’s third wheel attachment, you have a ride for your toddler. It’s an attachment that goes on the back axle of the double stroller. It’s basically underneath the handlebars between you pushing the stroller and the babies that are in the side-by-side stroller.

I’m not sure this would be great for super long distances, but definitely if your toddler gets tired and wants a ride, they can probably sit on this easy breezy and get pushed around, no problem.

Again, this one’s going to be pricey. This Bugaboo solution is upwards of $2,000 for the twins plus one stroller setup as you’ll need several pieces to make it work:

• Bugaboo Donkey 5 Mono Complete
• Bugaboo Donkey 5 Duo Extension Set
• Bugaboo Wheeled Stand-on Board
• Bugaboo Comfort Wheeled Board Donkey/Buffalo Adapter

If that’s not in the budget, some of the other options we’ve talked about already will be significantly cheaper for you.

Bumble Ride Indie Twin + Toddler BoardThe Bumble Ride Indie Twin is like a lot of these other side-by-side double strollers we’ve talked about where you need to buy an additional attachment, the toddler board for your toddler.

This will be great if you have the baby twins and you’ve got the singleton toddler that needs a little ride around. Now, the toddler board attachment, fits to the back axle of the stroller underneath the handlebar. Your toddler rides between you and the main portion of the stroller.

To get this twins plus one stroller setup, you’ll need:

• Bumble Ride Indie Twin Double Stroller
• Bumbleride Mini Board Toddler Board

Okay, so we talked about several double side-by-side strollers that could work for you. Now, of course, these are not the only brands. If you are looking for a different side-by-side double stroller, you have to check with the manufacturer to see if they have any kind of toddler seat, third jump seat, or third wheel attachment. Otherwise, it may not meet the needs that you’re looking for.

But double strollers with attachments aren’t the only solutions. Let’s look at wagons…

WONDERFOLD Quad Stroller WagonIf you don’t want to do the double stroller option with some kind of attachment board for the third child, then you may want to consider a wagon.

Several twin parents recommended the Wonderfold Wagon.

This is not the wagon from when you were a kid. I remember the little red Radio Flyer wagons, which are just basic metal rectangles with no restraints, no roof, short walls, and everybody’s falling out as soon as you turn a corner.

Wagons today are much safer and better equipped. These include harnesses to keep the kids strapped in and they come in different sizes so they can accommodate up to four of your kiddos.

These wagons are heavy duty. They’ve got four wheels, so it’s not just two wheels on the back and one in the front like some of these double strollers. And they often come with a canopy, child restraints, and lots of pockets and storage space. It’s perfect for hauling your entire crew around.

Plus a lot of wagons like this will be cheaper than some of the double stroller plus attachment options that we talked about.

For the wagon phase of life, it’s going to have to come after your kids are a little bit bigger and are able to hold themselves up – usually around six months and up.

Which of these options sound the best for your twins plus one stroller needs? Leave a comment or let me know on Instagram or Twitter.

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Watching your twins learn to talk at the same time may sound like double the chaos, but did you know there are twin-specific aspects of language development? Language acquisition in twins has long fascinated researchers, and recent studies are shedding new light on this unique phenomenon.

Twins, whether identical or fraternal, often share a special bond that goes beyond genetics. They can have their own secret language, known as “twin language,” which helps them communicate with each other before they start speaking in full sentences.

While this early form of twin communication allows them to develop language with each other, twins typically lag behind single-born children.

Our identical twin girls would babble and squawk at each other and seemingly were able to communicate that way despite my wife or I not understanding the gibberish.

Twin Language Development Is SlowerResearchers have found that twins tend to reach language milestones later than single-born children. These milestones include babbling, first words, and sentence formation.

The root causes of delayed language development in twins are typically thought to be:

• genetics
• premature birth
• environmental factors (like attention from parents)

We saw some speech delays in our girls while simultaneously seeing rapid learning first hand with our twin girls. Once one girl figured out a skill, her sister would see that, mimic the behavior, and shortly thereafter master the skill. As long as one of the twins figured something out, her sister was never far behind.

The unique language development journey of twinsTwins have a language development journey that is quite distinct from that of singleton children. From the moment they are born, twins are exposed to double the amount of language input. They are constantly interacting with each other, engaging in conversations, and exchanging ideas. This constant communication serves as a crucial foundation for their language development.

Twin parents’ attention is also divided and that can lead to less one-on-one attention with each twin. Less attention means less time to focus on speech and language development.

The role of genetics in language development in twinsResearch suggests that genetic factors contribute to individual differences in language abilities. Twins may inherit certain linguistic traits, such as a predisposition for language learning, from their parents. These genetic factors can influence the speed and ease with which twins acquire language skills.

However, it is important to note that genetics alone cannot account for the language development observed in twins. The environment and the unique social interactions they experience play a significant role in shaping their linguistic abilities.

Early language intervention for twinsEarly language intervention is crucial for maximizing the language development potential of your twins. You, as the parents, play a vital role in nurturing their language skills from an early age. Engaging in interactive activities such as reading books, singing songs, and engaging in conversations can stimulate their language learning.

It is important to create a language-rich environment where your twins are exposed to a wide range of vocabulary and language structures:

• Use descriptive language
• Ask open-ended questions
• Encourage your twins to express themselves
• Provide opportunities for social interactions with other children I loved to read bedtime stories to my twins as part of our bedtime routine. However, reading wasn’t limited to only right before bed. We always have books around the house that lead to opportunities for the kids to discover and read by themselves or with a parent.

Create a supportive and encouraging environment where your twins feel comfortable expressing themselves and taking risks in their language use.

Twin language and its impact on overall developmentTwin language, also known as “cryptophasia,” refers to the unique language system that twins develop to communicate with each other.

This secret language can have both positive and negative impacts on their overall development. On one hand, twin language fosters a strong bond between twins and enhances their communication skills. It allows them to develop a shared understanding and a sense of companionship.

Because your twins are always together, they are good at interpreting each other’s intentions that are communicated via babbles, grunts, cries, and sounds even though it isn’t a formalized language.

As our girls got better with their speech, we had one twin daughter that would occasionally “translate” her sister’s requests so we or other people could understand.

Excessive reliance on twin language can also hinder their language development in the long run. Twins may become less motivated to communicate with others outside their twin relationship. This can limit their exposure to different types of language and speech – like accents, slang, and those subtle nuances of everyone’s way of talking.

It is OK to allow your twins’ language but don’t allow it to become their exclusive way of communicating.

Not all twins will have their own language and if they do, it may only be something minor and not their exclusive way of communicating.

Twin language vs. language delay: How to differentiateIt is important to differentiate between twin language and language delay in twins. While twin language is a natural part of their communication development, language delay refers to a significant lag in speech compared to typical developmental milestones.

If your twins are significantly delayed in their language development and struggle to communicate effectively with others, it may be a sign of a language delay or disorder. In such cases, it is important to seek professional evaluation and intervention to support their language development.

We got so accustomed to our twins’ unique way of speaking that it took comments from grandparents and friends to help us realize they couldn’t understand our twin girls. This ultimately led to us taking our girls to speech therapy to overcome their speech delays.

Celebrating the linguistic journey of twinsThe language development of your twins is a fascinating phenomenon that will be fun to watch as your twins grow.

Your twins will have a unique journey of learning to speak and communicate. It may include their own twin language but maybe not. They may have speech delays or they may not. Every twin is different (yes, even identical twins).

Factors such as the close bond between your twins, premature birth, environmental factors, and genetic predispositions all contribute to their language skills development.

You can support your twin’s development of strong communication skills.

Observe their behavior, encourage proper speech, read to your twins, and let them interact with a diverse group of people and they’ll be chatting up a storm in no time.

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Twins share many things but do they have the same blood type?

Our identical twin girls share the same blood type and have the same blood type as their mother.

However, that doesn’t mean all twins share the same blood type.

Yes, twins can have the same blood type. But the answer isn’t that simple.

The types of twins you have and the genetics of the parents all come into play when determining your twins’ blood type.

Do twins always have the same blood type?No, twins don’t always have the same blood type.

Your twins blood type is determined by genetics and their parent’s blood types.

Twins often have the same blood type but do not necessarily have to have the same blood type. It often depends on the types of twins.

Identical twins almost always have the same blood type. Fraternal twins can have the same or different blood types.

Do identical twins have the same blood type?Identical twins share the same DNA which includes the genetic codes that determine blood type. Having the same DNA all but guarantees that they will have the same blood type.

So yes, in addition to the same hair color, eye color, and physical features, your identical twins will share the same blood type.

There is the rare case where there is a mutation in the DNA of one of the twins and that could lead to different blood types for identical twins. But I wouldn’t count on that happening with your twins as it is very uncommon.

What type of blood will they have? That depends on the parents and the genetic roll of the dice.

Do non identical (fraternal) twins have the same blood type?Since blood type is determined by the genetic rules in each child’s DNA, fraternal twins won’t necessarily share the same blood type.

With non identical twins, the blood type of each child is determined independently of the other. It is like comparing blood types of two siblings because they don’t share the DNA like identical twins.

Fraternal twins could each have their own type from the list of 8 common blood types.

What blood types could my twins have?According to the Red Cross, there are 8 common blood types (A+, A-, B+, B-, O+, O-, AB+, AB-).

The most common blood types are O positive and A positive.

AB negative is very rare but maybe not in your case as everything depends on your genetics.

How is the blood type determined in your children? It is passed genetically from the mother and father.

Which parent determines the twins’ blood types?If you remember your biology class in high school, genetic attributes from the mother and father help create a matrix of possibilities for the child.

The twins’ blood type then becomes a genetic game of dominant and recession traits with a sprinkle of statistics. This determines the type of genetic traits that are passed down from parents to their children.

Depending on the blood type of each parent, there are numerous possible blood types the children can have.

Due to all these possible combinations, the twins won’t necessarily have the same blood types as the parents. Yes, you could have four different blood types between Mom, Dad, and each of the twins.

If you want to dive into all the possible blood type combinations, compatibilities, and some data, the Cleveland Clinic has some great information about common blood types.

Do Identical Twins Share Blood?During the twin pregnancy, twins can share blood. This happens when identical twins share a placenta in the womb also known as monochorionic twins.

Because these twins share a placenta, they share the blood from the placenta that contains all their nutrients that they get from Mom.

Occasionally, this leads to a serious medical condition called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion syndrome where one twin donates blood and nutrients to their twin. This results in one twin getting too much blood and nutrients (and getting larger) and the other twin getting too little (and not growing enough). This results in complications for both twins.

Why is blood type important?If you or your children ever need a blood transfusion, it is important to have matching or compatible blood types. Otherwise, your blood may have an immune response that basically attacks the foreign blood in the system.

Generally speaking, the donor’s blood type has to match (have the same letter) as the recipients blood type. Any one with type O blood is a universal donor.

Does Blood Type Matter During Pregnancy?During the twin pregnancy (or any pregnancy for that matter), there can be complications if the mother’s blood doesn’t match that of the baby or babies.

According to the University of Rochester Medical Center, Rh Disease happens when the Rh factor (that’s the positive or negative sign with the blood type) is a mismatch between mother and baby. It can also happen when blood types don’t match.

Just like if you got a transfusion of blood that didn’t match your blood type, Rh disease can cause antibodies in mother’s blood to fight the blood cells from the twins.

Mother’s and twins’ blood can mix during prenatal testing, other pregnancy complications, and at birth.

Talk to your doctor if you have questions about matching blood types.

How Will My Twins Know Their Blood Type?Prenatal testing can help determine your twins’ blood types. Talk to your doctor if you’re interested in those details during the twin pregnancy.

After birth, blood tests are very common of newborns and your medical staff can let you know your twins’ blood type.

Once your twins are older, they may decide to donate blood or plasma. The Red Cross or donation center can test the blood type and let them know what type of blood they have.

Twins’ Blood Type and Growing Up TogetherBecause your twins are at least siblings, there is a great chance that they could share the same blood type or at least have compatible blood types.

This might come in handy later in life if they need a blood transfusion or other serious assistance from a family member. However, whenever health is involved, make sure you consult your doctor who best knows your twins’ medical history and blood types.

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Episode 292 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Peter Esbrandt, father of four-year-old identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• When Mom started bleeding at 8 weeks
• Shared placenta TTTS worries
• Early labor 2.5 months before due date and then bed rest for Mom
• Mom had high blood pressure that lead to early delivery
• Surprise breathing issues for twins
• Discovering a milk allergy while in NICU
• Deciding to have mom stay home with twins
• Taking their first vacation with twins
• Keeping marriage strong through the parenting journey
• and more…

Connect with Peter via email.

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a father of twins as we talk about his journey as a dad from the pregnancy to now having almost four year old identical twin girls, including the surprises that came along the way during the pregnancy that resulted in early delivery of those twins, what surprised him the most after birth, dealing with late bloomers when twins hit milestones a little later than expected. We discussed even the great question of traveling with young children: what wins out? Twins getting a nap on a regular schedule? Or you having fun on your vacation? We talked about that and much more today on the show.

Intro
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Joe
Hey everybody, this is Joe Rawlinson, welcome to the show. I’m glad that you’re here. Before we jump into the interview with one of our fellow fathers of twins. I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my store twintshirtcompany.com where you can find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for us as fathers of twins. We have shirts for moms of twins and for the grandparents for twins. And for the twins themselves. These make great gifts and are fun to wear. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com. Today I’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins, Peter Esbrandt, father of identical twin girls who are turning four. We start out our conversation discussing when he and his wife decided to start trying to have children.

Peter
We tried off and on six, seven months. Almost got frustrating to be honest with you. And then we were both getting up there and age. And I told her I said a I think it was around November. I said hey, we’re gonna try one more time. Until my birthday we’ll see what happens. So it was quickly after that we found out she was pregnant. She started spotting at eight weeks so there was a scare. Went to have an emergency ultrasound and then that’s when they found out there was two in there. So it just kind of completely threw us for a loop. You know, she freaked out, didn’t know what to do. I mean, what do you do, but so from there, you know, typical, we were seeing our normal or normal doctor followed by an ultrasound specialist because they were I don’t want to get it wrong but shared the same placenta but they had different sex. So they were sharing the same food source and different sex so they were afraid of the twin the twin transfusions went to a specialist everything was working smoothly. The wife’s a different animal when it comes to pain. So I don’t know the exact dates but it was around. So they were technically due the end of September, I think around the 30th of September, around Fourth of July. Even a little bit before that. She was telling me I think I’m having contractions. And I blew it off like hey, you’re pregnant, you know, like normal pains live with it. So when we went to the ultrasound specialist, he made she made mention to him. So they hooked her up to a machine and he’s like, Well you actually are having contractions. So she got admitted to the hospital over the Fourth of July weekend. I didn’t think she was going to get out of there. Luckily, that same doctor come to visit and we kind of pleaded with him and he’s like, Hey, if she goes home and she stays in a bed like I’ll let her go home and I’m like, please just let her go home. You know, like I didn’t want to balance all of it. So she went home.

Joe
This is still two months before the estimated delivery, right?

Peter
Two and a Half correct. So she went back home and then I mean any twin, pregnant mom, she got big, you know and she kept swelling. And I kind of had an idea what was going on because we would see the ultrasound specialist and he would always report back to the doctor and he called the doctor on the last visit and he’s like her blood pressure is high. And I’m comfortable. Like whenever you’re ready to pull the trigger. Let’s go so I knew I think things were gonna happen sooner than later. And I think that was on a I think it was on a Friday. We were supposed to see him we were scheduled to see her normal doctor on Monday. So her blood pressure was high. He asked when we were going to see the normal doctor. She told them Hey, Monday, he goes well, how about we see her today? So we went to the doctor. She checked the blood pressure. She happened the doctor happened to have triplets so she knew the deal. And she said hey where are we having a baby today? Know when you come back on Monday or we haven’t babies probably. And she basically advised like hey, just get a blood pressure machine from Amazon. Monitor it I happen to be the on call doctor this weekend. If something happens we’ll go so we ordered it on Amazon. We got it on that Saturday. I could just tell I mean her feet were swollen. I think I even told her Saturday like after lunch. I’m like, Hey, you should probably cut some meals out like I don’t know, you know, just in case something happens and sure enough, she checked her blood pressure skyrocketed. Doctor told her go to the hospital. And you know the rest is history C section later that evening. And that was I guess 34 just shot 35 weeks.

Joe
So was she was your wife on bedrest do though. She was

Peter
yeah, she was bedridden. Probably from that Fourth of July weekend forward.

Joe
Okay, so how that impact her work or, or how you were taking care of herself.

Peter
It was she was working with the school district. So lucky for her like it happened to fall in the summertime. And she was off for the summer. I mean, it obviously affects like our shared chores and tasks now become one you know the cooking the cleaning on top of the working on top of the worrying about or when you’re at work because she’s at home in bed like you know, obviously she’s gonna push herself a little further if you’re not there to help her because she has nobody else. We are lucky for that. She was off for the summer when she still she’s a stay at home mom to this day.

Joe
So were you able to get everything ready, or were the twins early enough that kind of caught you by surprise.

Peter
No, I’m a super planter. So we had pregame the baby showers and all of that the baby showers were earlier than normal. But I mean it wasn’t because I expected it to go south it was more like it’s Texas in the summertime and I’m like it’s gonna be hot, you know? So let’s try to have it like the smaller you are, the less further along in the pregnancy probably the more enjoyable it’ll be for you. You know, because it’s just a summer in Texas and taught

Joe
as a fellow Texan, I understand. Absolutely. So tell us about the delivery. You said it was a C section. What are your memories of the moment

Peter
it was hectic, you know like they’re delivering kids. The NICU is already there with their their little beds and all this on standby and you’re out of the norm pregnancy right like boom, here’s the kid Let me hold it over the blanket so mommy can see it gets handed to a NICU nurse they put it in a box and it drives away. You know, and then same thing with the second one. And you know, the care and the wife. She really didn’t know what was going on, you know and I can remember like her asking, Hey, why aren’t they crying? And I’m like, well, they’re gone. Like they’ve left the room. So kind of an just different unexpected you know, you expect the Happy Birth everybody’s holding the baby. It’s a glorious moment. Well, this one they took off and they take me into the room where they’re at and they’re strapping him up to all the cords and all of this and far enough along in the process. I mean, one was four thing four pounds, 12 ounces. The other was five five. You know walk like a duck talks like a duck looks like a duck like a little small, but they look like a baby. You know, they’re not like hand sized or anything. And, you know, the doctor asked me, Do you have any questions? And I said, Hey, like, are they gonna come home with us? We had to me I mean, I’m ignorant. It looks like a baby. And he’s like, No, they’re not coming home. So it was just kind of a very unorthodox thing.

Joe
So what did they tell you? Like why would they not be able to come home?

Peter
I guess based on their age and stuff they knew, I guess if I if I rewind back, the wife did receive some steroid shots. When she went to the hospital in July to help with the growth but I didn’t know. At that point. I don’t know how the doctor would already have made an assumption of such because it was early along in the process. So I didn’t really have a clear explanation. In the beginning. They wheeled him off to the NICU. The wife got back to the room. She was on. Again medical ignorance and maybe mercury or something to help with everything. So she formally like she couldn’t go down and see them for several hours. Like a very long time. I went down and saw them. Just so happen. They were doing their rounds. And the nurse practitioner. You know, I guess they come up. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the NICU, but they come up every day twice a day and basically give the plan to the day. Hey, let’s move the breathing machine down a little bit. Let’s do this and this and see how it works. Well, she’s given all this stuff and it’s foreign to me. And she asked me again she’s like, Do you have any questions? And I said, Well, are they going to die? Like, that’s my question. She’s like, No, they’re gonna be okay. And I was like, Well, I at this point, like, all that other stuff kind of scares me if they’re not going to die, like, do whatever you got to do. And the funny part is that nurse practitioner to this day, still sends the girls Christmas and birthday gifts, like, I mean, it was a really good bond we made with one another.

Joe
That’s great. How long were you girls in the NICU?

Peter
34 days.

Joe
And were you you’re wanting to take turns being with them? How do you juggle that with work and stuff like that?

Peter
So I have a lot of flexibility with work. And they were understanding so I did a lot of work from the hospital. So every day I would load the wife up, we would drive to the hospital. We would see them. If I had to leave and go do something. I would just go handle it and then I’d come back to the hospital and get her. So we spent we missed one day out of the 34 there because it was the day before they were being released. But we suffered a lot of flooding. And I just didn’t want to risk going through the water and stuff like that. So we missed one out of 34 days.

Joe
So those those newborn months are probably kind of a blur in the past. What do you remember being challenging once you brought them home?

Peter
So the their breathing was always an issue. They’re breathing. And then one was actually slated to not be in the NICU that long. And they were talking about a release and it was kind of exciting and then they found blood in her stool, so they chalked it up to a milk allergy. So we went completely backwards. She went from level to I guess it was to back to the most severe level. They didn’t let her eat for seven days. They just pumped her with fluids and then they would give her very small doses. Which I guess to make sure she didn’t have a milk allergy to this day. I’m not sure if she did or didn’t. But we spent all the early months of newborns on the very hypoallergenic formula the Ella care due to the milk allergy but the breathing thing you know when we had to feed them, we had to feed them. Not normally but like I don’t know what you would call it like on their side with the bottle more like at a 90 degree angle in their mouth to help with breathing. Well in the NICU. They’re hooked up with two machines and you’re paranoid and you can watch the oxygen levels as they eat, you know drop and then you take the bottle out it rises back up. And then I just remember that was happening one day, and then the next day they’re going home and you’re like well I don’t have this machine as a crutch like, what am I going to do? I can’t see their oxygen levels. It’s scary, you know, but it was okay. I mean we were just freaked out in the beginning. The NICU was it was a blessing in disguise if I have to be honest, like do I ever want a child to go through that? No, but 34 days of learning to how to be twin parents was a blessing in disguise. You know, it wasn’t two days later go home with these two and conquer. Like, you had a lot of nurses who had a lot of experience with these young kids that had ideas and you could pluck certain ideas and kind of make it your own. But um, when we first got home we had a little couch that had two recliners and we had Bobby’s and an ottoman, and we were scared. We were just so scared that I remember we would put them on the Bobby’s at night and I would like sleep on a recliner and she was sleep long ways. I’m just waiting for him to feed again. And we did that for a little while and then it moved to the bassinet next to the bed. And then finally to the bed, but I was rough. I’m not gonna lie. I mean, it was rough.

Joe
So did you have any more challenges with the breathing? After you brought it home? You just kind of worried worried that that could be a problem.

Peter
I was just worried because when you’re hooked up to a machine you see it in live time when we got them home, I mean, they’re slow. And they didn’t start walking till they’re almost two years old. They were Googles and gaggles until after three years old as far as talking size wise, they grew quickly. I mean, it was very quickly that if you looked at them they didn’t look like premature kids. They were size wise, weight wise, they look like kids, it was just all the behind stuff you know, and do they both have the milk allergy or just one of the one that went back to that milk allergy but out of an abundance of caution they put the other one on the milk allergy so that Ella care is very expensive, and it goes by very quickly when you have

Joe
to have a meeting it so are they are they still allergic to milk or have you moved past that?

Peter
I don’t give like we don’t give them whole milk but we don’t restrict like they eat cheese. They eat normal stuff and we haven’t had a an issue

Joe
here. Some of our kids have food allergies. Or twins don’t but are boys too, was always too challenging to navigate. So you mentioned that it took a little while to hit some of these milestones like walking and talking. From your perspective. Were you were you thinking there’s something there’s something wrong or there’s still tracking as you would hope they would be?

Peter
You always think something’s wrong, you know? Like, especially when the pregnancy doesn’t come out as planned. Like in your mind, it’s all wrong. You know? So yeah, as it took longer you don’t compare yourself to other kids but you got other kids born at the same time and like they’re moving around and they’re talking and it’s hard not to in a way right although every kid grows differently. You’re just like, I hope everything’s okay. You know, like, I want it to be okay. Yeah, I mean, certain milestones like when they got close to two it was really wearing on me more than the wife like, weren’t they walking yet, you know, are the three years old? Like, they’re not really talking? Well, this is kind of bothering me like, We attempted speech therapy early on, and it was during the COVID time. So basically, I was running around or the wife would be running around with a laptop while the speech therapist was on the other side. You know, saying hey, blow a bubble and say bubble, and I’m like, Well, this is a waste of our time. You know, like she’s not here to interact. But I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s working itself out.

Joe
Are they both on the same boat or did one kind of hit milestones before the other?

Peter
They are really close to one another. Really close like one of them started walking. The other one was shortly behind. Right now the one behind on walking is probably a more verbal speaker now more clearly than the other one but she’s coming along as well.

Joe
Are your girls to the shared bedroom at this point?

Peter
Yes. We’ve had a lot of downfalls but I will give them their two things. They’ve been in a bedroom by themselves for a very long time with no issues and they pretty much everything and when I mean everything, I can feed them fried oysters to I mean, the sky’s the limit with them. So, for the downfalls, we have pluses I mean, they’re really good sleepers in their in their bedroom in which they share and they’re really good eaters.

Joe
Oh point did you move away from cribs into maybe big pink robots?

Peter
I’ve been in a big girl bed so we had the crib that you could take the front off of and make it a day bed. And I’m more of a quick transition or than the wife is so I kind of pushed it along but they’ve been in big girl beds, I would say six seven months already.

Joe
You know those convertible cribs is kind of an evolution right so like overnight, they moved to something brand new. You mentioned that your wife is a stay at home mom, was that always the plan coming into delivery of twins. Or was that kind of decided later on?

Peter

Given the twins, yes, I mean, because when you daycare is expensive. Luckily, I mean, we were far enough along in our marriage that we were more established financially to allow them it’s like it could have been a lot worse if we were 21 With this I could see a bit of a bigger issue. But yeah, I mean, once we found out daycare for two I was like, wow, what’s the point of view working? You know, like stay home once they go to school, will redress the situation. But yeah, if it would have been a singular she would have probably continued to work.

Joe

Here your situation is very common. Yeah. Once you add up the price, no point at all. Exactly. Because you’re just be cashing your check and paying it to somebody else and there’s nothing left over. Have you had to do any any more speech therapy post? pandemic?

Peter

No, no more speech therapy. I mean, their vocabulary is pretty good. It’s just weird. It’s one of those awkward stages now where shows one on one will speak to me and I pick it up perfectly clear. And then other times I’m like, what gibberish are you saying, you know, like, it’s like, if I don’t process it from the immediate, like, first few seconds they start talking, I’m loss. But typical twin mom, you know, she can be in the kitchen. Like, Hey, she told you she wants to go outside and I’m like, okay, how’d you get that? But good for you?

Joe

Do you find that you understand what they’re saying? But people outside your household do not

Peter

in the beginning? Yes. But like our little thing is we’ll go get frozen yogurt on the weekends. It’s kind of our thing and the lady that works at the yogurt shop. She’s very shy. The girls are shy that she’s trying to get them to say hi to her, but they’ll tell her the toppings they want on the yogurt. And she understands them. You know, she’ll they’ll say strawberries and she’ll put strawberries so I’m like, Okay, well, at least other people are understanding you too.

Joe

You know, our girls had some speech challenges to it. They did some speech therapy for a little bit. And it got to a point where my wife and I we can understand what they’re saying all the time. But then, like the grandparents were like, What are they? What are they saying? We don’t we don’t get it, but they’ve grown out of that. So it’s all good now? No, no, you don’t think they’re always talking always making noise

Peter

somewhere? Yeah, you want them to be quiet almost any other

Joe

surprises that you hit? When he’s first four years with them? A

Peter

lot of things I never thought I would think about, you know, like, we take them to the playground and I go, wow, who creates playgrounds? These are incredibly unsafe, you know, like, especially with the fact that you know, they’re kind of later on the walking and like, You want my kid to climb up this rope six feet in the air with the stuff like that. I never really thought like the wife’s the wife’s family has always never really been in play my parents a little more so but just like, I’m sure you know, the grandparent hurdles like 30 years ago, we did this 30 years ago, I did this and I’m like, Mom, we’re just doing the best we can. Yeah, like, give us a break. Here.

Joe

Did you Did your parents did your parents are the animals come on their babies were little

Peter

rarely. My parents are more like, in and out. You know, they’ll come on a Sunday for an hour. And that’s it. I mean, we’ve never had a baby a night of a babysitter. We’ve never had a night out. We’ve learned to adapt with it. I’ve accepted that’s how it’s going to be and we run with it. When we had the kids, I wouldn’t say we kept the situation a secret of the birth but like everything was evolving so quickly that I didn’t include them originally because I knew there was going to be a ton of questions that I didn’t have answers for. And I was overwhelmed as we got to the hospital too. So I didn’t want to start making the phone calls like hey, maybe she’s gonna have a baby. Maybe not, you know, because I was gonna get swarmed with questions I didn’t have answers to especially even when they got sent to the NICU. So once the wife got back to the room, the kids were in the NICU. I made the first round. I called and I made the phone calls and I said, Hey, the kids are here. They’re in the NICU. You’re well like, I knew the visiting hours. I knew that they could come see them. I had answered for them. You’re welcome to come you can come see the kids. In the NICU. But I just like I wanted to share the moment with the wife in peace that that made sense because I knew they were gonna ask a ton of questions that I had no answers for,

Joe

and stuff and stuff. Yeah, you don’t even know what’s happening. But everybody else wants all the information. You’re like, I gotta figure this out first, and then I’ll let you know.

Peter

So when I felt good enough, I was like, Okay, I’ll make the phone calls like, because I knew they were gonna say well, can I come see him now and when I was in the NICU, hey, when can grandparents come? What time is it cut off? You know, I just had to get all my questions answered before I can make phone calls through how much time did you get off work after the birth? I think I took two weeks off. I took two weeks off. So the city has now implemented a 12 week off program, which is really nice, except I didn’t get benefit of it. But I mean, it’s a free 12 weeks. You have to use it through the first year of their life. So you can take two or three weeks at a time or a week here there. When I did it. You had to burn your own time. I think I took two, two weeks off. And then I might have went back for a week and I might have taken another week off. But only a couple of weeks.

Joe

It’s about average. So that’s what I did too. I was able to break it apart, like one week in the beginning then one week later, but

Peter

it’s kind of hard. It’s all milestones, you know, at some point, like, I’m here to help and I don’t mind helping, but like, I’ve got to go back to work at some point. So Mommy’s gonna have to figure out how to do it on our own. Like it’s unfortunate, but you got to figure it out.

Joe

Yeah. And moms are awesome. I mean, they figure it out, right? Like, here we are. She has more patients than I do. I’ll give her that. So what’s the most frequent question that people ask you about your twins? Well, you

Peter

get the obvious Hey, are those twins? Are they identical or fraternal? Oh, my cousin’s brother sister. has twins, you know, and I’m like, Yeah, you know, I think we get a lot. If I talk to somebody who’s comfortable enough. The question is not artificial, for lack of better terms, but what is it like in vitro or was it a natural thing? You know, like, I think, I guess they’re more common in people. Who are trying to have kids then it just being a natural deal. Do they run in your family? All of this and, I mean, it could be my ignorance, but I think identical twins are just a phenomenon regardless random That’s right. Yeah. Regardless of if twins run in your family

Joe

here we’ve got identical girls, as well. And I have no family history of that. It’s just roll the dice and boom, we’ve got twins. So

Peter

I tell you, they do get us some perks. When it comes to we check our first vacation. In January, we went on a so I stood in my head I’m like, Hey, we got to rip the band aid off do we fly to Disneyland? And then I’m like, my head starts spinning. I’m like, the flight if they freak out on the fly, like there’s no escape passengers around me to our time change. I’m swirling. So we decided on a cruise. I said, You know what, if, if it goes south on a cruise, we can go to the bedroom like well just take them to the room like we’re not disturbing people. The crews worked out great, but I mean them being cute and little like we get quite a bit of you know, benefits. I remember getting off the boat the last day the lines long and we’re trying to find somewhere to just hang out until it’s time to go. So we’re going up the stairs, you’re coming the two girls were carrying all the luggage. Literally, it’s the entrance of the line that we’re passing to get off the boat and one of the employees are like, do you have everything you need? And I’m like, and they’re like, Okay, you can get right here. You know, and like the girls cuteness got us the third spot off the boat, you know, they have their benefits or your girls still taking naps. Yes, they do nap. I think our benefit in the whole start of this is we’ve had a pretty strict schedule that we hold to this day with a little deviation. I mean, like, you know, the doctor said in the beginning breakfast, snack, lunch, snack dinner, and we stayed pretty true to that. And I don’t know if that equates to their phenomenal eating skills, or they’re just really good eaters. Same thing with naps. There was a time that they would go back and forth. Sometimes on the weekend when Daddy’s home, they’ll fight it. We can also be out and about for the day and like skip it on purpose, and it doesn’t necessarily affect them. But then, you know, the next day we put them down they sleep like a rock for two hours. So I don’t really know if I could scratch it away completely or not, but yes, as of now they still nap pretty frequently.

Joe

So going back to the vacation. How did you handle naps on vacation? That’s always a challenge for traveling families.

Peter

So I pre planned it. I mean, we took a seven day cruise so you had you know you’re on the water a couple days so naps were no big deal and then you’re at a spot you’re at a spot you’re out of spot back to back days. So I plan my excursions accordingly. Like the first day we took a beach day. I knew naps were going to be out of the question. Well, the second day, I made it a point to not look anything. Like if we were going to get off the boat and walk around we could but I wanted to afford them opportunity for a nap. And then the third day, we booked something to where we were just going to play it by ear on the nap game. Yeah, so I tried to plan it accordingly. And like I said, they were they were studs during the whole beach day in the sun and then the next day they took their nap and I just I don’t know how multiple days would lie. But yeah, it is a struggle. I we went on that vacation. I told the wife I said look, if you want to try to truly enjoy yourself, we have to have no expectations here. You know, like you want to expect to do everything as a loving family. Like that’s great, but it’s unlikely. You know, like she likes the shows at the end of the night. I don’t mind them. But it’s like we can take the girls that if they start acting up, like just accept the fact you can stay and enjoy the show. I’ll take them to the read to put them down for the night, you know, or vice versa. And I mean, it worked out really good. There was times it would be me and one of the girls in her and the other or vice versa. And I mean we made the best of it.

Joe

That’s great. Yeah, I mean, traveling was really young kids. So you have to be flexible, and just roll with whatever happens and planning around trying to keep them on the same schedule around at home is almost impossible. And that has its own consequences like tired cranky kids or or whatever. So

Peter

it’s always a fear you know like and I guess looking back now like one day have a little bit of an odd schedule doesn’t kill anything but it’s always like, Well what if they don’t go to bed? You know, or what if they do this? Is it gonna change everything? You know, it always runs through your head. I mean twins without a schedule is It’s tough. It’s really tough.

Joe

Keeping them in sync and on the same schedule is what allows you to be saying, keep things going. So through this journey of twins and fatherhood, how have you been able to maintain your relationship with your wife during kind of ups and downs of this whole journey?

Peter

It doesn’t make a marriage stronger. I’ll give you that. Like, she’s a she’s a really good person. Like I I’m involved with my job and a lot of extracurricular stuff. So sometimes it requires me to travel. A lot of the travel is some kind of more mandatory than others but majority of it’s voluntary. Deal. And I mean, I won’t say that she doesn’t have a reserves about it. But, you know, I could go home today and say, Hey, I gotta go to California for a week and she’d be like, okay, shot me and so she’s a very supportive person, but I mean, there’s days they get under my skin really, really bad, right and she can tolerate a more but because they’re under my skin, it causes me to be a different type of person towards her. And then maybe the next day or two days later, they’re under her skin. And so like the husband and wife fight the consequences of the twins just rubbing you the wrong way for that day. So you have that on top. Of your normal bickers of marriage, you know, and it just, it adds more to the pot, but I don’t know you just take each day One day at a time.

Joe

I mean, if you if you see it for what it is, the twins are always gonna push your buttons one way or the other. They may not necessarily be the mischievous on purpose or they have no ill intent. They’re just kids, you know, doing the kid thing. I struggle with that every day. Right? I’ve got all teenagers now and it’s the same. Yeah, sometimes I think you did that on purpose. I think he did that on purpose to make me upset. So here we are.

Peter

People say they say Hang in there, it’ll get better. And I’m like, Well, I don’t know if I’m convinced that’s the thing. I just think the problems change throughout time, some of which are more tolerable to people than others. You know, they may go through a stage where, you know, one of them wants to watch a certain thing on TV, which I don’t care but it may drive the wife nuts, you know, or vice versa and it’s a struggle. But it’s a it’s a beautiful struggle, I guess. I don’t know how to describe it. Did you have twins before? Was that twins? Your first thing that happened? My twins

Joe

are number three and four. So we had we had two really young boys when our girls were born. So they weren’t really close in age, which has made them chaos kind of moving seasons, because they all kind of hit milestones around the same time. And so that’s been a blessing and a curse, you know? But now they’re all really close in age and now the challenge is just their interests are diverging and getting them to different places at different at the same time. We do all that stuff. It’s fun. It is an amazing, beautiful journey ahead. It has its challenges, that’s for sure. But you learn to adapt and grow. And then there’s a new challenge next week and you figure that one out and you just keep on chugging along. It’s great.

Peter

That’s all it is. That’s one after another though and I mean, some of which I probably blow out of proportion more than they should be but I’m learning I mean, I know no better. I didn’t have one or two before three or four. So I don’t know anything you know.

Joe

We’re all learning right? Every every kid is unique. Even identical twins are different from each other. And you just got to kind of figure stuff out as you go along. So, uh, Peter, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Oh, they

Peter

can reach out to my email address. You know, I’ll

Joe

link that up in the show notes so people can connect to them. Any questions for you? Peter, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

Peter

Yeah, you too, sir. Thanks for having me.

Joe

I hope enjoyed that discussion with Peter about his adventures as a father of twins, some of the things that he’s learned along the way how they’ve adapted to the surprises, from pregnancy to babies, to toddlers, up to now. If you want to connect with Peter, I’ve linked up his contact information in the show notes over at twindadpodcast.com. Just look for this episode.

If you would like to share your story like Peter did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email joe@dadsguidetotwins.com or on social media, Twitter, Instagram @twindadjoe and I would love to hear from you.

Again today’s show is brought to you by my store that sells T shirts designed specifically for parents with twins: twintshirtcompany.com I invite you to go over there and pick up a shirt for yourself and for your favorite twins and family members. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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Episode 291 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Damari Gupton, father of fraternal twins (girl/boy). Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Raising 7 kids ages 11 years old down to 6 month-old twins
• Supporting Mom as she breastfeeds the twins
• Struggles of twins’ schedules not being in sync
• Balance parenting the twins and other children
• Taking time off work and career choices based on family needs
• Establishing routines for housework and employment
• Risks and challenges of comparing the twins
• Making room for twins in the house
• and more…

Check out Damari’s book: The Answers I Never Received: A Fathers Guide to His Legacy

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe 0:05

Today we are continuing our father twins interview series. With the father of seven children, including fraternal twins. He has some great insights into how to juggle all the demands of a busy family life. work responsibilities, taking care of your partner and some great insights into how to interact with your children to foster those relationships, even when you’re trying to manage so much at the same time.

Intro 0:28

Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Joe 0:42

Hi everybody this is Joe Rawlinson. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast as always, you can find me online at twindadpodcast.com. You can find the show notes for this episode and listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads it’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book will guide you through the first couple years of raising your twins. You can learn more about this book at raisingtwinsbook.com Today I would like to welcome to the show father of twins Damari Gupton. Welcome to the show Damari.

Damari 1:08

How are you doing Joe? Thank you for having me.

Joe 1:10

Doing great thanks for being here with me today. So Damari, you’ve got quite the crew. You’ve got seven kids including twins, right?

Damari 1:18

Yes.

Joe 1:18

What’s the age range for those children that you have?

Damari 1:21

My oldest is 11. And my youngest well my twins they are six months today actually quite the household.

Joe 1:30

So when you when you found out that you would be having your twins. What was your reaction like when you got that news?

Damari 1:35

I found that I had the twins that I was having twins. I actually started breaking out in sweats. And me and my wife we have right now with two year old so at the time he was you know about to turn one. And you know we wanted to have him a running me. Somebody grew up with that he know he found out she’s pregnant. She was pregnant and okay cool. You know, then we went to that first appointment. You know I watched the ultrasound. You know, since this is not my first rodeo, I know how ultrasound looks. So when I see you know, two different spaces with two different surgeons and I’m like, oh, man, like, had access to those twins. Someone asked me the nurse didn’t even want to look at me. You know, my wife asked me like you know, you’re playing you know, you’re playing you know, almost fainted, you know, sitting down almost fainting. So it was it was a big surprise. Big surprise.

Joe 2:37

Especially, especially being a father already and having kids already you knew and what you’re getting into it’s just another childhood to have to have to at the same time. What were some of those thoughts you had right away? Like I was just going to be different than than what I have already.

Damari 2:51

Um, I don’t think it was really nothing you know, to be different. It was just that nobody to have to, you know, so I know there’s a part of you don’t go to work. I started making up my mind did I know I was gonna have to be home. You know, I was gonna have to do a lot more instead of just you know, working and taking care of household I knew I had to be in the house and you know, managing things a little bit more and being more hands on and you know, helping my wife with you know, what was actually going on with it.

Joe 3:21

What were your other kids reactions to finding out that you would be having twins?

Damari 3:25

Oh, this was definitely shocked. You know, he he’s, he’s 11 Right now it’s time so at the time he was maybe 10. But now it’s it’s all great news and you know, he loves it. He loves being a big brother. You know, he loves to switch you know, I can have an I have XRV now my daughter into you know, FM five and five minutes can have z my son you know five minutes and you know he likes it. He likes being older brother as he knows he gets some leeway for me. So, you know, he loves it. And out the group and you know, I had one daughter so, you know, she’s getting used to not being the baby. You know, so it’s and she knows it’s coming along. It’s coming along.

Joe 4:13

Are the other kids. Are they helpful? Are they active with the twins or do they just kind of ignore them and do their own thing?

Damari 4:21

All of them that they have, you know, never have with with enough rooms, you know, things like that, but they always want to be in the same room. All of them wouldn’t be together. You know, can I change a diaper? Can I try feet and you know, can I try to do this? Can I try to do this? They’re all helpful. You know when might not have them all it’s, you know, a big, big break, you know, a good relief. breath of fresh air.

Joe 4:48

Oh, yeah, that’s great to have so many helping hands, especially you mentioned they’re six months old. So right now you’re really in the thick of things when they’re infants. When he had to do a lot of hands on work with them. What was how was it pregnancy like for your wife? Were there any any challenges or complications with that?

Damari 5:03

Oh, no, it was there was there was none, you know, just the first trimester. You know, morning sickness and things like that. And after that, it was it was a breeze. She she’s a trooper, you know, kind of a kind of a shock to me, but my son that I had with her before the twins she and I have natural and she had imagined in a live room floor. So you know, when it twins was coming, I think I was more stressed. I stopped that she was because you know, I wish I had you know, PTSD. Because I’m just thinking so you know, I’m glad to be here. You know, delivering to babies again. So it was you know, but um, never we made it on time actually maybe like 15-20 minutes at the hospital before she delivered them all natural, you know, so So it was you know, it was real. It was very eventful for me, you know, notice, notice how much of a trooper she was and you know, that things were really, you know, here now,

Joe 6:07

I’m glad you made it to the hospital this time. That’s probably a little better arrangement than in the living room. Yes, surely was. So the babies were born they were they were healthy. Did they come home in a few days or did they have to stay at the hospital?

Damari 6:19

The we’re home within 48 hours.

Joe 6:23

So your babies are born healthy. They come home from the hospital. And all of a sudden boom you go from or five kids to seven at the home? Or some of those big challenges in the first the first couple of days with having the twins One

Damari 6:34

big challenge was sleeping, to be honest. You know, we had a routine plan, you know, that we were going to, you know, sleep at two hours, you know, switch back and forth but being that she breastfed and you know, we figured though, okay, she breastfed, so we thought that it was going to be kind of like the last one. It completely wasn’t like they were one on one off and then one went to sleep. The other one was up, wanting to eat and then once we got that one asleep, next one woke up. And this was constantly kind of constantly so it was it was rough like these these first, the first couple of weeks was definitely rough.

Joe 7:19

Because you never get a break. If somebody is always feeding. Like you’re always doing something with one of the babies right? How are you able to kind of break out of that cycle. To get something more manageable.

Damari 7:28

Be honest, we haven’t even broken up that cycle yet. We’re still in that cycle. Right now. They have a little like they go to sleep, maybe at 9am to like maybe 10am And then there they go down maybe at 7:30pm and then back up like maybe nine you know, so those are like the tabs that we see where we can settle in and you know, at least try to breathe and straighten up a little bit in the house. But that cycle has not broken yet.

Joe 8:01

So you only have these small windows of time during the day when they’re both asleep and that’s

Damari 8:05

like that’s all that’s all that’s brutal. Yeah, it is but you know, we can be managed you know, I put him in a struggling I take him for a walk. You know let my wife get a break and you know, she’d do the same for me. So you know, we we get some type of type some type of down you know, alone time. No just to get our minds right before we had to jump right back into it.

Joe 8:30

Your other kids at school are some of them at home with the babies during the day.

Damari 8:33

Two of them are home with me and the other ones are school. My one of them is homeschool. And the two year old, we not want to put him in daycare. So you know he’s he’s at the house with us. So you know, it’s it’s 3 under 3 So that’s another story.

Joe 8:52

How do you balance making sure your twins are getting the attention they need and your other children at the same time?

Damari 8:57

I come from a big family so you know I always left to do everything together. But what I usually do is you know once all of them is hanging out you know kids sometimes we like to go separate themselves. And I always catch that. So whenever like my oldest was to my oldest will go and be by yourself. I’ll go have a conversation with him you know, have a little you know, contests we play a game or you know, push up sit ups you know same thing that will my daughter will do the same thing. You know when I talk to my own mother boys the same thing. So it was just when it’s all hands on deck that makes it a lot easier for me to find you know, Tom like that and I always keep you know open conversations with them. You know a farmer was going on and and that’s about it.

Joe 9:46

I like that I like how you keep them involved because it’s really easy as it new data twins to just be focused right on the babies because they’re the highest need at the time. I love what you’re doing. I love what you’re doing there about seeing the kids what they’re up to pulling them back in, keep them engaged, you know, even if it’s a little bit of one on one time with them. So they’re not feeling pushed to the side. Just because you got the babies in the house.

Damari 10:09

They understand that you know just I find that, that it’s more of a conversation to help them you know, to help them understand what’s going on, you know, informing them that I’m still here, you know that it’s it’s a requirement for me to be here with the twins and to be on you know me hands on with them and holding them and things like that. But if I get the time is I haven’t picked up. Like my oldest, I haven’t picked him up in maybe like three years like actually holding him. And a couple of weeks ago I did that. You know, I mean just to so he could get that type of feeling. You know what I mean? So it’s like I don’t want to make it seem like more of my attention is here you know not thinking or things like that. So you know it was just balancing you know given doing it all.

Joe 10:57

Um, how did you manage your your wife manage time off work when when the babies arrived?

Damari 11:02

Okay. When when they came I went on FMLA because I was at the post office. And they gave me you know, my three months I took that. And then once I went back to work, I think I went for maybe two or three days. And then I see my wife on a decline, you know, PTSD and it started it started hitting her that she needed me home. So I had to quit I am a veteran so you know I am you know collecting my pension and things like that. So she’s a mind coach, a mindset coach. So you know she works on and I’m around more home so I was like, you know, we we can balance them you could do that. So it’s it’s like we had to transition from working outside until working in home. You know what I mean? And that’s what I’ve been, that’s been my that’s been my hardest transition, working outside and to me working you know, from home, things like that.

Joe 12:01

It does it does take creativity. I’m glad that you recognize that there was a need with your wife and your family and you made a decision to come home and support everybody. Sometimes as dads you know we have to, to kind of adjust you know, make a pivot do something different. And it may just be for a season of our lives where we do something different and then we go back to what we used to do, maybe not but to see and be flexible was is I think a key a key trait for fatherhood. Exactly. Biggest thing. Okay, so you mentioned your wife are both working out of the house. So there’s one there’s one thing balancing all the kids in between themselves and then another thing to balance work and family that kind of in the same space at the same time. How are you able to do that?

Damari 12:40

It kind of felt like a routine without planning to form a routine, you know? Because she’s a big dinner person she loves to make dinner and you know as a father, you know, I as a man, I love breakfast. So I love making breakfast, you know? So whenever, you know we would get up. I do a big breakfast. You know, we eat that. And whatever’s left like we’re taken to brunch. Hang on a minute, and then once it’s downtime for my two year old and she starts dinner, so like that’s the routine you do when it comes to you know food. I usually handle the cleaning because she handled with the twins. So you know it’s like when I lead she picks up the she likes I pick up and you know that’s that’s really about it when it comes to like home routine but when it comes to like the work routine is whenever she needs time. You know I could I could go you know I have no problem taking the kids getting quiet and space, you know that the piece that she needs so that she could get in her mindset to be her mindset coach. So you know, that’s that’s how we balanced that and work that up.

Joe 13:58

So did it just kind of fall into that routine or were you very conscious about talking about who’s who’s in charge of what let’s say?

Damari 14:05

Um, we just fell into that routine. You know, our communication is great, but at the same time, it’s like I pick up I pick up on a lot as a father you know me as the man in the house I pick up on you know, who needs a break or who might need this who might need that. And I noticed that she works greatly when she’s in a peace of mind you know, when there’s no yelling or screaming there’s nothing for her to actually have to focus on anything else. That’s why I will do the breakfast. You know what I mean? I get up I can breakfast so when we put the kids down for that hour, it’s a quiet house to clean house and she knows she’s about to eat you know, food today and so she has nothing to worry about except for that work. So she had good a good hour. You know what I mean? And you know, maybe around one two o’clock I get up not take all the kids out. Hey, let’s go out and I give them a good another hour and a half two hours to you know, get more work done and you know, get ready. And you know, it’s just like, you know, I’m I focus on making sure that she’s good. Because, you know, she’s breastfeeding. And I understand that, you know, she’s stressing at a lower production, you know, and the quality might not be I was supposed to be so I’ll make sure that I’m on my part to keep her you know, in the high spirits, you know, that mindset.

Joe 15:26

That’s great. Sounds like a good you have a good routine a good kind of rotation of who’s doing what, when they’re doing it. Yes. Yes, that’s fantastic. Kind of my wife and I can do the same thing. We both work out of the house and so when it’s her turn to do her stuff, I’m in charge of you know, I’m in charge of dinner in charge of making sure that kids are where they need to be so essential to be you know, a good partner with your spouse or with your with your family. So everything get done, everybody can be where they need to be,

Damari 15:49

you know, it helps that we have you know, other kids and we have the experience to you know, to pick up on certain things like that. And, you know, that’s that’s where, where my experience is false and you know, I’m able to, to see you know what’s going on and to you know what I mean to just fill in the blanks to keep everything you know push and once a day you know same with you also you know, we we have to make sacrifices also and you know I was sacrifices makes our life better.

Joe 16:24

So because you were a father before the twins, what are what are some of the things that are totally different, let’s say because it’s not just another baby, it’s, you know, it’s too or are some of the things that are kind of unique to having twins that you didn’t experience with when your kids came before one by one,

Damari 16:37

I guess comparisons, you know, because it’s too grown up together. You’re thinking okay, if this was gonna start crawling, this one is going to start crawling or if this one is gonna start falling asleep and you know being self soothing. This one is awesome. complete opposite. My daughter, she’s self soothe and my son. No way. Like it’s not happening. He has to have mild or he has to have somebody holding it. And that’s you know, I think that’s that’s the biggest thing you know, just the comparisons, you know. I think my daughter is even a little bit faster. But then it’s like when I have time with my son, I realized that he could do it too. But I just think he knows, or somebody’s around it and you have to beat me up if I cry. You know, my daughter. She doesn’t do it. My son had do it only if he has to. You know like I see him trying to sit up I see him trying to crawl. He only does that when nobody’s around but you know that’s that’s about it. Just a comparison. So like you have somebody to look at and he’s like, I guess maybe competition amongst the two that you get to notice. He’s sitting up and you’re not okay. You’re reaching for things and you know, she doesn’t know that’s about it.

Joe 17:58

Yeah, it’s it’s a blessing and a curse of being a parent of twins as you you have that comparison right in front of you. And it’s yes, it’s up to us to decide, you know, or we can always get beat comparing them or we just kind of focus on their individual needs and their individual progress, but it’s hard because they’re right there right there in front of you. They’re both the same age people in theory should both be developing kind of the same rate. But that’s not the case.

Damari 18:19

My son he was actually born with a tooth cut and that’s one of the ones something I’ve never seen or even heard of. And, and he actually has his two bottom teeth. And my daughter are top two is coming up before her bottom so he’s he knows like hey, is what’s going on y’all some different kids, you know, but I’m just ready to see you know, they could pitch and see how it’s how it’s really bad to be their personalities. You know, that’s that’s what I’m really patiently waiting to see, you know, their personalities.

Joe 18:53

Here. We get hints of that personality when they’re really little and then yes, it’s fun to see as they grow up as you know with some older kids are ready like other changes are what stays the same kind of like one of our girls was a lot more active and always kind of moving. And her twin sister was a little more stable, I guess tranquil. And that’s that’s kind of always persisted since the you know even up to now. So these things that you’re observing now with your with your your babies will be interesting to see if they still have the same kind of personalities as they get older.

Damari 19:20

They watch my two year old a lot. Whenever he runs back and forth, back and forth. Your eyes are just on him. So I know they’re picking up on it very, very quickly. Pretty soon I know they’re going to be doing exactly the same thing.

Joe 19:35

That’s right. They want to move they want to run all over the house to do we had when our twins were born we had two boys already and they were really young. It was like three, three and two ish. And so I hear I hear you when you’re talking about toddlers running all over the house running circles around mom while she’s trying to breastfeed the babies. It’s just gonna take his career he kicks his crazy that’s for sure.

Damari 19:55

Yeah, it was you know, is is crazy. But then again, you know, it’s it’s a great experience. You know, it’s like, like a while because a lot of people have to experience this. A lot of people don’t get to see this. You know what I mean? And it’s kind of like, heartwarming,

Joe 20:10

it’s really sad. Right? It is a beautiful, unique experience that we have as twin dads and not a lot of people get to experience. So let’s talk about how are you able to fit the twins in your home? Are they in their own room? Are they sleeping in your room with you and your wife? What are those arrangements like

Damari 20:22

I got kicked out my bed I got kicked out um, you know because she you know she breastfeed so you know, it’s one on one of the one on one so you know, she usually just moves from side to side, side to side. I take my my two year old and we you know, get comfortable somewhere go to sleep but you know if I hear you know a disturbance you know when a twins want to cry I have to get up automatically check on you know, see and make sure things good you know even might even take one you know give a little break but night you know because when my military training um you know, contentment not you know, getting much sleep because I could work on that I’m used to working on that. So I let her get her rest up to build her up. You know what I mean? I know my time will come when I’m able to get some rest but right now I know that she needs it a lot more. So you know, I give it a bed. I give it a space you know things like that.

Joe 21:19

Do you have to do anything like that with the other kids or just just with the twins?

Damari 21:22

No, just just twins. No, because it’s too you know, it’s, it’s this tool may not want to its tool so I know she has an attachment. You know what I mean? And because she has that attachment, it’s like I’m comfortable with let her do what she needs to do especially at night. You know what I mean?

Joe 21:43

Yeah, for us it started like when my wife was pregnant, you know? Does you know what just with one baby versus two like very she was very uncomfortable. And then later stages of the pregnancy and that kind of prepared. If you like, okay, it’s not gonna be the same once the twins are here either. You’re gonna have to make some arrangements differences, for sure. So let’s talk about baby gear. You mentioned you take the kids out for walks and stuff. Is there any particular strollers or gear or anything that you found very helpful with your twins?

Damari 22:10

Um, we have the double stroller. I think it might be the nodes nests. But I know one of the seats also gonna turn into like it’s a seat for my two year old awesome. So I will take that up with my two year old and see what when car seat on top strap one baby on my chest. We works. It works like that.

Joe 22:35

So what kind of carrier do you have to wear one of your babies?

Damari 22:39

I forget the name. I think it’s the baby born or something like that.

Joe 22:43

Oh yeah. We used the Baby Bjorn too.

Damari 22:45

Okay. Yes was the baby born in August struggling man might put a hat on because you know the weather is getting a lot better right now where I’m at. So yesterday we went out he was just outside. You know what I mean? Regular, you know, put a little sweats on him. Make sure he was warm, and all of them fell asleep. Once you get outside, maybe 20-30 minutes. They sleep.

Joe 23:07

We thought okay, well the twins are here. Maybe our toddler is fine just walking around with us. But no, the toddler still wants to ride in the stroller even though there’s two babies. So we had to make room for that for sure. So I love your creative solution of just wearing one of the babies and pushing the other. So tomorrow in addition to a busy father and taking care of your wife in your in your family. You’re also an author you wrote a book about your journey as a father. Can you tell us a little bit about that book?

Damari 23:33

It’s called The Answers I Never Received: A Fathers Guide to His Legacy. What I did with this book was I put a lot of principles that I would like my kids to live by. And I gave them my experiences. And I did this because I was hard headed as a kid. My parents they gave me a lot of useful information. But I didn’t listen to it because I wasn’t giving the explanation. Like if my mother my father was to say, Oh, no more candy. Why? Because I said so. Okay, well I’m about to go sneak and you know, Ed piece of candy. And then three weeks later I got like 10 Cavities you know what I mean? So I made sure that you know, I I gave my my kids the explanation. You know, you know what you do and why you should do it and know why you shouldn’t do things. Like one of the principles I gave them was decision making. I underlined that, you know, your decision making affects you for your future. You know what I mean? And I gave them examples and, you know, experiences that I did, the bad decisions that I made. And, you know, just ask them not to repeat it because, you know, it leads to a little headache stressing and things like that, that you have to worry about. And I don’t want to have to do that. Just to like a head start for the future. So

Joe 25:04

that’s great. I love I love a principle based approach to parenting. Even mentioned that earlier in our discussion where you would when you’re talking to your older children, you explain the why of why we’re doing this or why I’m busy right now with the twins. And was an example of that and even even when kids are very young, they can still understand that why when you share that with them and helps them internalize why that decision was made. So that’s great. They’re able to put those examples down in a book. If listeners want to get that book or check it out. Where should they go?

Damari 25:35

Um, so Amazon, it is on Amazon, you know if you search my name, Damari Gupton. The title of the book The Answers I Never Received: A Fathers Guide to His Legacy. So they could get it there.

Joe 25:47

fantastic Yeah, I’ll link to that in the show notes for the episodes. Everybody can check it out. So tomorrow as we wrap up today, what’s one final parting piece of advice you’d give to a dad maybe just found out he’s having twins. What would you tell them to encourage him on his journey?

Damari 26:00

Oh, tell him to be patient. You know, don’t over stress it. Don’t overthink it. Help you wife or you know the mother of your twins. Make sure you’re there for her. Because she she’s definitely going to need it. Spend time with your kids. A lot of parents have you know, misconstrued a lot of fathers have misconception that you know that the mother that the mother the child supposed to do it you know supposed to handle everything with the kid that’s you know, the biggest Miss information that we were given you know what I mean? We need to be there also be there for your twins you know, give wife a break you know, just be around be patient. Be around and have fun with your experience.

Joe 26:44

That is great advice. Be patient and be present and be there. Well, tomorrow. It’s been wonderful to get to hear about your story and to get some great insights from you as a father, I really appreciate you sharing that with us today.

Damari 26:57

Thanks for having me. Appreciate that. You know, the story and advice helps helps a lot of fathers.

Joe 27:04

I hope enjoy that conversation with Damari about his adventures as a father of twins. And being a father of seven. If you want to learn more about his book that he’s described, and someone gets some of those insights for yourself on your father’s journey, your parenting journey I’ll link to that in the show notes over at Twin dad podcast.com. If you’d like to share your story like tomorrow did today on the podcast, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email Joe at dads guided twins.com or hit me up on social media @twindadjoe on Instagram or Twitter. And I would love to hear from you. Again today’s show is brought to you by my book Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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Episode 290 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Brad Myers, father of identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Having twins when they already had a 2 year old
• When one twin is smaller than the other
• Made it to 36 weeks of pregnancy then birth via c-section
• Hiring a night doula for a couple nights a week
• Finding au pair that was a good fit from Argentina
• Au pairs live in the home and you set the schedule
• Hosting and adjusting to life with an au pair
• Traveling with young twins
• Challenges with twins vs a singleton
• Getting twins on the same schedule
• When twins don’t succeed with breastfeeding
• and more…

Connect with Brad via email bradvmyers@gmail.com

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe Rawlinson
We’re continuing our father twin series with a father who shares their experience of hiring an au pair to care for their twins plus their older son. So we dive into all the details of how they found an au pair, kind of the work requirements, expectations, living arrangements and all that. So if you’re interested in that type of childcare for your twins in your family, stay tuned. We’re going to cover that and much more about his twin journey today.

Intro
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Joe Rawlinson
Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com. Where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes. Today we have a great chat with a father of twins, whose identical twin girls are nearing the 20 month old mark some of the challenges he’s overcome welcoming twins into the family with a toddler singleton already in the family. Some of those dynamics, as well as a lot of great details about childcare option which you may want to consider for your twins and that is an au pair. We’ll dive into those details in a second. Before I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It is called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com Today, I’d like to welcome to the show father of twins, Brad Myers. Welcome to the show, Brad.

Brad Myers:
Great. Thanks, Joe. Nice to be here.

Joe:
Right How old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age

Brad:
so the girls are identical twin girls are 20 months and exciting about this age. Most most exciting is that we I feel like we’ve weathered some of the worst worst of the twin privilege of having twins in their early years, but they’re just super excited about life and kind of developing their own personalities. So that’s, that’s really fun to see.

Joe:
It’s fun when they get past that baby stage and they really start to express themselves and you see the personalities kind of foster and develop between and how unique they can really be. Yeah. So let’s go back to when you found out that you would be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time? And how was that news received?

Brad:
Yeah, so we, at the time, we had a two year old boy, and we thought that it might be time to try and see if we get add to our family and lo and behold we definitely added to our family. I can still remember that first appointment is it’s usually pretty standard. You go in, you find out you’re pregnant and then you kind of leave and the moment that the OBGYN was like oh my gosh you guys and so just that element of surprise on her end was enough. You know, and then she quickly followed it up with you guys are having twins and I think for us was like in that exact moment. I can remember looking at my wife Alex and I think both both of us shed like a single tear of like, okay, um, this is both cool and very stressful at the time because I mean with the two year old as well, it’s, it felt like our family just kind of exploded in an instant,

Joe:
especially having been a father already. And you’re in the middle of toddler craziness with a two year old. And we had a very similar experience where we I mean, we had two boys already when our twins were born, but we knew what a lot of all the efforts that they required, you know, to very young children, so when it’s when they’re like hey, you’re having twins I’m just thinking how we’re even going to manage the craziness. So two years, two years old, he was probably too young to really kind of grasp what was happening.

Brad:
Yeah, it’s true. And I think that, you know, one of the takeaways and for fathers for your listeners this it’s it’s a really nice you don’t actually know what you don’t know when you’re having twins. And so, you know, my wife’s like, we got to prepare and this is gonna be a big deal. And I kind of took that whole like, I mean, what’s the big deal? I mean, the ads like it seems like maybe twice the work but you know, it’s it’s going to be fine. And so I think just going into it with you know, being prepared, but also there’s nothing that really can prepare you for twins. I jokingly with my wife, you know, we always say we don’t really take any sort of parenting advice unless the family has twins because it’s it feels just like it’s no disrespect to families who don’t have twins, but it is a definitely a different game and, and you you’re dealing with kind of a whole different set of scenarios.

Joe:
That’s true. I mean, as you know, because your father before it’s just a singleton, and you’re able to easily compare like okay, well this is different with twins. This is different with twins. Out of the pregnancy go for your wife and for the babies.

Brad:
Yeah, that’s the only thing that you know, like I’ve heard from your podcast guests. It’s, it’s really, you know, that that’s, that can be somewhat stressful. I mean, fortunately for us, you know, we I think we’re probably on the luckier side in terms of just having a go fairly easy. I mean, there were moments where we were literally concerned just with the development of the their was you Sylvia was the smaller of the two Let’s say bye, bye little bit. And so Blake was kind of, you know, fat and happy and then that’s where the, you know, the doctors can kind of get a little bit concerned about, you know, just the nuances of sharing the, all the nutrition and how that kind of, you know, weighs itself out over the course of the entire pregnancy. So, my wife had a C section, the first for our first first son, and, you know, we were, it was kind of pretty much set up to have a C section again, just because of the way that that goes and, and so she we made it to I think it was 36 weeks. Fortunately with time you you forget some of the finer details. I know it was quite stressful at the time, but 36 weeks and they both they were in the NICU. I think two nights and then otherwise, we got to bring them home, you know, the on that third day, which was an experience in and of itself, of course, but you know, we feel very fortunate that we we had the the experience that we had

Joe:
so the girls were delivered to the USC Section as you would be. Yeah. Yeah. What do you remember? Do you remember about being there for the birth of your girls?

Brad:
You know, on one hand, it’s like just surreal that they they show you one baby, your baby over the covering, and then it just it’s just a total trip that then they show you a second one just doesn’t just it’s still kind of crazy and that that’s actually a possibility. So then they kind of it. It was rather stressful on that whole like those moments where they kind of are looking you know, there’s two full teams of trained professionals to kind of make sure that they’re, they’re doing well out of the gates. And I just remember it was you know it, I’m kind of the one that I am I’m guilty of being a little bit stressed in situations like this, so I definitely felt like it was like okay, what are they do it now and then they’d like, you know, one looked like, you know, she was doing okay, and then the other one it was like, Okay, how she doing and see they don’t really talk much. So there’s a little bit of like, you know, craziness that the doctors prepared us for, because it’s like it’s just twice as many people than they normally would have in the in the operating room.

Joe:
Yeah, there’s a lot of people in that room. That surprise me too. And, at least for me, anyway, they’re like, Okay, Dad, you sit right here, don’t move and we’ll tell you when you can get up and look around. Okay.

Brad:
Yeah, so and you’re worried of course. For your wife as well and how she’s doing with it all. And yeah, it’s, you know, I’m glad to say I’ve been there done that and we’re, we’re definitely we’re good with three. That’s, that’s for sure.

Joe:
The birth of your girls was the day of the birth kind of planned out or was it a surprise at the 36 week mark?

Brad:
No, it was it was kind of towards there was low fluid. So he was was getting low fluid if I’m remembering the terminology correctly. So it was it was really scheduled within a week where it was like, you know, it’s probably better that we we get them now. Rather than kind of waited out a bit. It wasn’t it wasn’t dire. But it was, you know, for our son being born. We had a routine appointment at like 3638 weeks and they said no, you should have them today because of low fluid. So it was it was that was more of a surprise. I think for us well was then then the twins.

Joe:
So that can be a little bit of time to assume, make childcare arrangements for your son.

Brad:
Yeah, yeah, we had, you know, the grandparents really stepped up so we had they were kind of scheduled. intermittently, we did go the way of the night doula for which was she was a saint. So as as you know, the night doulas kind of exactly that she provides care throughout the night. You know, a little bit on the spendier side, so we kind of had to, you know, stagger those nights that she was around, but when when we brought them home you know, it was a really nice I would say it’s worth the extra the added cost. If you can have a night to look for, you know, two or three times a week. It just alleviates some of that initial stress of trying to feed and take care of two babies.

Joe:
So how did you find the night doula for you?

Brad:
I think it was we just kind of started looking around and it was wasn’t something we were overly familiar with. I think without twins, it probably wouldn’t have been something on our radar but we had gone through. We didn’t actually have a regular to lead to kind of help us through the process. So we we knew of that profession. And it was kind of like, oh, there’s somebody that can can help you throughout the night. And my wife just, you know, through I think she had a few interviews with an agency, a local agency here in Vancouver, Washington, and we’d found a woman who was like, really gifted. I mean, anybody who signs up to stay up with, you know, newborns or twins throughout the night. Definitely. Has my utmost respect.

Joe:
She have other spirits with twins.

Brad:
Yeah, I think if we I mean this was feels like a lifetime ago now but she read kind of recruited the one that had experience with twins and and so again, it was just kind of she just provided that sanity check at like two in the morning. That is just so critical. When, you know, you and your wife are just trying to figure out, you know, up from down. So we I think that was a gift and then in terms of how childcare evolved, my wife was able to take some time off and then my son was in daycare, you know, I think was three times a week or maybe four times a week actually in that first phase but so that that kind of freed us up a little bit throughout the day, but definitely the you know, just the stress and the complexity of of childcare for like that many kids that are under, you know, school age is something I didn’t really appreciate, in addition to the cost and so that’s when we run you know, we started to run the numbers and you know, the au pair option. It just made the most sense, right, because you had both of these, you know, these two girls that are you know, newborns are more or less we didn’t get our au pair didn’t come along until like I think they were like about 18 So rather recently 1718 months we kind of got through that first phase with the girls and then our au pair arrived. And that’s just been huge for us because when you get it seems like you get twice the amount of care for about half the cost of what it would be to put them in in daycare to have like a nanny. I mean, because there’s so many different ways to do it. But we’ve we’ve had a great experience.

Joe:
Let’s talk about some of the logistics of finding this caregiver and what they’re doing. So first of all, how did you find the Au Pair?

Brad:
Yeah, that’s like, you know, that’s a bit of an art in and of itself. I mean, it’s an agency. So there’s there’s definitely several well known agencies out there but the one that we went with was cultural care au pair. And you know if you can think of it like a somewhat like an online dating platform, I mean, there’s like we you, you as the host family or the you know, the the parents provide your own profile. So we we shared some photos of our son and then the girls, you know, described our family like where we live and then in turn you would look at profiles of oak pears from, you know, any any country essentially you can think of, but, you know, primarily around like South South America, Central America, and then of course, you’ve got, you know, European au pairs as well. The visa requirements are such that, you know, usually it’s a quicker turnaround, from what I understand if you select somebody from, you know, Central or South America rather than Europe, just the way it works to get the visa. So, we had we did a lot of research, we really, you know, we wanted to make sure that we got the right fit and then, lo and behold, we, we discovered Brunello, which she goes by Bruni, from Argentina, and, you know, she just, she’s, she was like, young and energetic and, you know, ready she just seemed like a great fit for our family and very active and so she once she arrived it was it really felt like a natural fit and then just her bond that she had with you know, the girls and then Hatcher was That’s my son. Just really quite special and and really quickly adapted to the family. And so in that respect, she lives in the home right? So obviously, au pairs on like a nanny, au pairs the whole program is that they it’s more of like a cultural experience for them. So they get to improve their English if they want to they you know, they can take some courses at a local college or university. And in turn, they live in your home and, and you just kind of set the schedule, you know, week by week, in terms of how your work schedule goes and what’s needed. So you know, she provides 40 hours of care for our family, or for our girls rather. And it’s just been really a truly wonderful experience. And I don’t think we could have I don’t know I didn’t really get too far into the numbers but I know just offhandedly if you if you looked at like the where my son goes to daycare. I mean, the cost would have been massive for for sending two, two more children to his daycare and it’s not anything fancy. It’s just a it’s just the cost of seems like it’s just the cost of childcare these days.

Joe:
Yeah, that’s very common like you start sending more than one kid on to childcare and you know, one of the parents says their whole salary is going to pay for childcare all of a sudden. Okay, so she appears living in your home how do you kind of separate like work time from when she’s just, you know, a guest in your home kind of deal. How do you draw that line?

Brad:
Yeah, yeah. It’s, it’s really, it takes work on on both sides. Right. So we’re super respectful. I mean, she has her own her own room, which, you know, to be honest, we’re, we’re, we’re in a home. I think it’s less than 2000 square feet. We’re three adults and three kids in this home. It’s a three bed two bath so you it sounds it sounds really tight. It’s it’s actually the way that home is laid out. It actually is. it’s manageable. I mean, it will not be manageable forever. But I had a home office, downstairs in on the main level and there’s a bathroom there. And then once she arrived, I moved my home office because I work from home to our bedrooms, so less than ideal because I could probably get away with doing about 20 steps a day if I if I really wanted to, but so she’s got her own room and that’s part of the requirements of the program is it’s got their own room. It’s essentially it’s their room. It’s not like you kind of like you know, she’s she’s not around or whatever it’s like it’s it’s specifically for them while they’re there in your home. And then you know, she’s got access, more or less to her own bathroom. Except during like that time and stuff. So you know, privacy and navigating. When she’s on and when she’s off has worked out, you know quite well we you know if if today, we’ll take today for example, she was she’s scheduled to be on it at noon and she’ll go until 7pm. So, and in between there’s is naptime for the kids, which, you know, besides a few things she’s you know, she’s free to use that time like as downtime. And then at seven, you know, she’s free to make obviously around her own meal if she wants to if she wants to be with us. That’s, that’s she’s more than welcome to but again, that’s craziness of bedtime. And we’re kind of doing our own thing anyways at that point. So she’s made great friends with other au pairs in the area. It’s just been a really positive experience. I mean, I know that it takes some effort on on your part to have somebody come into your home is isn’t totally natural but but when you look at when it works out really well like it has a new look at how much less stress you are you have has as a as a parents of twins and a toddler. It’s, you know, you you don’t ever question like, is it worth it?

Joe:
No, she got a contract for a certain number of months or timeframe.

Brad:
Yeah, so it’s it. The agreement is for a year so she arrives. For more I think it was actually first part of January and so technically it would go till, the first part of January, and she can renew for a second year as the program goes. But that’s entirely, you know, her choice or the family’s choice, like maybe it could be that she wants to go back home. You know, it doesn’t have to be a second year extension, but if they feel like they want to, they can extend for a second year.

Joe:
What’s the transition like social so you bring it into your home, like how do the kids react initially and how was that transition of them getting used to that?

Brad:
Yeah, my wife got it was kind of like my wife’s an occupational therapist. So it was like the idea with with the Au Pair coming was that she could kind of start going back to work a bit. Halftime and that helped with the transition because it wasn’t like, you know, cut and dry were like one day they were with mom and the next. They’re with your parents. So that helped ease the transition. But really, it wasn’t so much the girls. That was the challenge. It was really my son who, you know, just given his age. He has a lot of, let’s say independence and opinion about who’s who’s around and who’s, who’s taking care of them. So that was, you know, that still remains the bigger challenge for the parents to try to break you know, break down that that kind of, you know, it’s if it’s not longer than it should be dad, and then, you know, anybody else is like a distant third. So she’s done really well with trying to we’ve, we’ve tried to, like, help cultivate that relationship. By having them go to, you know, go to Sky Zone and, you know, go jump on some trampolines or, you know, go get ice cream, just stuff that where they can really kind of feel more connected. So that when we aren’t around it, you know, it doesn’t stress her out. Because it can be somewhat of a stressful situation. If he’s upset and then you’ve got twins on top of it. We tried to kind of limit the amount of time she has with with all three because if you’re not mom or dad having all three, even even if your mom and dad having all three is can be a challenge.

Joe:
That is she get like a vacation time or days off or holidays as well.

Brad:
Yeah, so, you know, really her schedule runs essentially Monday through Friday, and then she’s free to do you know, whatever she’d like on the weekends. And like I said, she’s been very active and being like, social and she’s got some, you know, she’s made some quick friends and she likes to go to the gym. And she does all that on her free time. And then I think it’s about they’re entitled to two weeks of holiday for the year. So you know, we plan a good example that was the, you know, finessing that aspect of the program is if they come with, you know, if they choose to go with you on a family vacation, so for example, we went up to Vancouver Island for a week, and if they’re on during that time and working with your kids or being with your kids then that’s that’s a regular working trip, right? I mean, they there’s no it’s not considered vacation, but if you if they decide to come with you, and and you don’t schedule them for any help, then that would be considered, you know, holiday for them. In this case, it was of course there’s some added cost to adding somebody to a to a vacation, but all the same, to travel with somebody that’s ready to help out for you know, the majority of the vacation was it needed so that my wife and I could actually enjoy the vacation ourselves. I think maybe you’ve experienced this where some some vacations you go on and you’re just like man, not really worth it went when you figure out how hard it is to kind of address everybody’s needs on the road.

Joe:
It’s not really a vacation parenting, right? You’re still you’re just on a trip in a different place, which has its own level of new stresses because you have to figure stuff out, making everybody comfortable. Did you travel with the kids before you got the au pair so you can kind of compare and contrast?

Brad:
Yeah, that’s absolutely so you take you know, you take our trip to why when they were younger, and then the idea is that then you’re kind of stuck between you know that in theory you’re like, Oh, if we traveled before there, they turned to then is to less plane to get zapped by but then you’re traveling before there too. And so it’s it was that’s just a trade off you make I don’t regret any you know, you looking back you never regret it. I mean, there are moments on a on a trip where it’s stressful, but I mean, we had so many great, you know, memories from Vancouver Island and we brought I invested in a cargo bike so it fits. It fits two on the back. And then I can actually retrofitted it where you could fit a third on the front. Some really it’s it fits all three kids. It I do get several looks some of them. I think being like oh my god you put your your whole family on that bike. I mean this that seems like a liability but it’s the only time where like all three of them there’s not really any like fussing. I mean it’s like they just they get on that bike they sit in their reading and their writing and and you’re just and then it frees up the other parent to do you know some other stuff or you know just it’s just a really been a really like, I don’t know I don’t know how I thought to get it but and then to be able to have the third one fit on there as well. That’s not gonna last forever but for right now it feels pretty good to when the house is melting down just to kind of put them on the bike and and start riding. And that’s why we took it on the on the trip because even though is it as cumbersome as it is to kind of load up onto a bike rack I mean it was so well worth the effort.

Joe:
That’s fine. It’s like once you find something that works to calm the kids down or make him happy. And it works every time. It’s like magic feather and he’s just like, yep, that’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna do that. Pull it up. So as your as your son in preschool, we’re going to preschool Sooners are is everybody home with the opare during the day,

Brad:
so he goes so that’s trying to live that goes back to like trying to limit how much time the au pair has all three of them. So he actually goes to his daycare, Monday, Wednesday, Fridays. Essentially from like, nine to four ish. And so that kind of and then my wife has, she doesn’t work on Tuesdays and so she’s able to kind of help you know with with some of the days where the all three of them are at home. For me working from home I mean that’s the bigger challenge because, you know, you just have a home office and so you know, you kind of you’re hearing crying and you know, it’s it’s both. It’s both wonderful and a challenge to to be able to work from home at this age because you have such easy access to them that it’s like fun to be able to be that close and you can help out with like a diaper change here or there or you just want to kind of see their faces for a moment. And sometimes they like blast through the door. You know when you’re sometimes in a meeting sometimes when you’re not in a meeting, so you kind of have to take the good with the bad and I feel as stressful as it is. I feel like it’s a privilege that we kind of evolved. I actually had a job, a remote job before COVID So I felt like I had actually had something on a lot of people and then now everybody seems to be able to work from home. So but in the sense that it’s feels like such a gift because I think about fathers many years ago, you know decades ago. You know they didn’t they were they would just seems like that classic like you leave that 738 And you’re not back until 536 and Monday through Friday. I mean, the amount of time that you get to be able to engage with your kids during the lunch hour. You know being able to go grab them from from daycare on the bike. I mean all of that is something that I feel like never was really available to a lot of parents

Joe:
as a troubleshooting. I was in the same boat as you I was working working from home before COVID And right there it’s hard to keep up some boundaries between you and the kiddos. But at the same time like you said, you know it’s it’s what a privilege you can just walk in and have lunch with him or seen him or whatever. As opposed to when I was packing cubicle life. That was not the case. Right. That’s great. So what what were some of the things that kind of surprised you because you had your son first you had a singleton you kind of knew the ropes of like having one baby. What were some of the things they’re like, I did not expect this when when there’s two of them and at the same time.

Brad:
It’s all the stuff that I think you can you know that that comes to mind, right? I mean, the amount of diaper changes early on, right? I mean, obviously that gets better with time but just the changing and then the feedings were always you know, whether or not that you know, let’s just be honest, breastfeeding twins. I mean, as I’ve watched the challenges that my wife had with it, I mean, it’s it’s not super easy, right and even with a single technique, it can be provided quite a bit of stress and so with the twins, you know, trying to get them to be fat and happy so that when you show up to those many appointments, you know, early on, then everyone’s telling you, you’re doing the right thing and that they’re they they’re their growth charts and everything are going like they should I mean all that combined. I feel like that was kind of one of the core things that we were stressed about early on was just like really trying to make sure that they were getting fed and and then you go through some of the like the craziness of like that. We were on the tail end of that breast milk or formula shortage and that I couldn’t imagine I mean, if you were if you’re trying to feed, you know, one or two or I mean however many babies and you had to stress about where you were gonna get that I mean, to me that’s still like I felt like that was you know, whether it’s been resolved, but I remember us going and trying to find formula and it was it scary. So I think that that’s an aspect of it. With twins you know, early on when they we first brought him home if one was sleeping the other one was more than likely somehow discontent or stress or you know crying and that would only continue the cycle because while one was resting well, you know you she was you know she was sure to get up because she had slept well while the other one wasn’t. So then you just kind of are you’re in between like one baby essentially. I mean trying to get them on the same schedule was something we worked really hard at and I and I’ve heard it from some of your other guests and and how important that is with twins. It’s like I mean like it or not if one is sleeping peacefully, and the other one wakes up. It’s almost on you to kind of wake the other one up so that everybody can kind of like one’s not like sleeping for an extra hour. Because then your whole day is gone. Right because of the naps are off and it’s just it’s just something that we didn’t. We took seriously with a singleton we took like it was a religion with at least in the early days with with twins.

Joe:
I mean, it has to be because if they’re not on the same schedule, like you said, everything goes crazy. And you’re already you know, sleep deprived and trenches, just trying to make it to the next milestone that day. So your schedule is so important to maintaining your sanity and your routine. Okay, so you mentioned that your wife was breastfeeding. Was you she direct feeding them or was she just pumping and feeding from the bottle?

Brad:
Yeah, and so that was kind of a you know, we with our son he had the you know, and then oh, this is like if you if you look into it, it’s like leaped up to debate but we were believers that there was like a tongue tie where it’s like, you know the connection between you know, that you’re under underneath your tongue. And I know I’m losing all the terminology but that can prohibit an or inhibit successful breastfeeding because of the way that the tongue is, you know, there’s they’re not able to get a good strong latch. And so we actually had a minor surgical procedure where they can kind of actually you know, remove that that part of the not remove it, but like just kind of cut into it so that they can get a better latch and for for better or worse, it really worked well with our son and then with the twins, it was the same kind of scenario. So we we tried that and and it was an added stress to do that, but we were we’re really committed to trying to help them you know, breastfeed and have that as an experience and, and in the end they never really latched that well. And it was something where my wife just pumped for like six months. And that’s just kind of what we had to do. And then we supplemented a bit with with some formula. But I think that’s that’s another huge challenge that families face. It’s like it you really want something for your kids and you think it’s beneficial and then you’ve got to be able to, you know, just know that assuming it’s not life threatening. It’s like things aren’t, you know, things aren’t gonna go exactly as you’d like. And with twins, it’s it’s very much the case that you have to just be like, willing to say, Okay, we’ve done we’ve given it our best effort, and it’s just providing too much stress for, for us as parents and so we just kind of have to, you know, call it and then and we just moved on and it’s still something we wish was different but but they’re fine. I mean, they’re everyone’s happy and healthy and, and we just kind of moved on from that.

Joe:
That’s a great perspective because you lay out these plans of what the ideal should be. And in our case, like both you and ourselves where we already had a child we’re like okay, we kind of are gonna expect this to go a certain way and it doesn’t go that way. But you’re right, you have to just change course, pivot, do what’s working, try different things. And then, if it’s not gonna work, it’s not going to work. Our girls were Tongue Tied just like you’re describing to. They would not they could not latch and it was just miserable trying to get them to feed. We discovered this thing oh, this other tongue tied. Okay, well, here’s a procedure to fix that. So then they could latch and then our problem was with our very active toddler boys, which is like run circles around mom and the babies and the babies would be distracted and pull off the pull off the Preston wouldn’t be feeding. So it’s like it’s one thing or another. So you just have to kind of kind of do what works and just roll with it because it’s not going to be your experience isn’t gonna be like anybody else’s. I mean, it’s gonna be very unique to you and your family. So Brad is as you think back over the last couple of years now 20 months with your with your girls and as a father if one of your friends came to you and said, Hey, Brad, we’re gonna be having twins, you know, what, what would be the key piece of advice that you would give to them?

Brad:
Gosh, I mean, I’m actually waiting for that moment to happen. I just I’m desperate to have like one of my, you know, friends or close friends or friends or family to say that because I I mean, you know, I mean, I’ve jokingly was gonna say misery likes company, but it is just like a different ballgame. So I I feel like whenever I meet somebody with twins, I, you have this kind of immediate bond. So that’s kind of it’s a fun, fun club to be a part of. I think that you know, the advice is, you just you can’t do it alone. It’s not something that you can plan for. Where it’s going to be totally seamless. I mean, I think that going back to the singleton, I mean, the birth of a child, a single child is, you know, it’s such a special time and it’s also overwhelming at the same time, and so you just kind of multiply that by two, and some days are going to be better than others. And, you know, if you can just focus on the good small moments and making it to that first year, I think that that’s helped you turn a corner I know for us, you know, really dumb walking, you know, all these milestones, early milestones really kind of give you kind of that second wind where you’re like, Okay, I see that we’re, you know, this, the, you know, in the sense of it’s like you’re kind of taking an aircraft into the air I mean, you’re not you’re you’re like barely clipping the the trees treetops, and then you start to feel like okay, I’m, you know, we’ve made it. We’re kind of stable in the air now, and it just feels really good. Once you kind of see those milestones because

Joe:
it doesn’t if you’re if you’re looking at those as they come celebrate them as they come just look back every so often be like, Look how far we’ve come so far. Yeah, give us give some good perspective. So Brad, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s what’s a good way to reach out?

Brad:
Yeah, I mean, email is probably the easiest, bradvmyers@gmail.com. And always happy to field questions about like, you know, specifically related to having an au pair. You know, some of the tips and tricks that we found worked for us, but yeah, just happy to be on and appreciate your show. It’s, you know, it’s just another resource and it kind of, you know, provide some level of sanity for for us dads out there that are trying to take on twins.

Joe:
Well, thank you for joining us. Today. Thank you for sharing your story. We really appreciate it.

Brad:
Cool. Thanks, Joe.

Joe:
Okay, hope you enjoy that chat with Brad about his adventures as a father of twins. I know I learned a lot about finding and hiring an au pair and some of the expectations that that would be as far as bringing that kind of caregiver into your home. So hope you found that useful as well. If you would like to share your story like Brad did today, I would love to hear from you. You can email me joe@dadsguidetotwins.com or reach out on social media Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe.

Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads it’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book covers everything from a newborn phase, first year, to the first couple of years with your twins to help get you through those many initial milestones which makes life a little bit easier, day by day and month by month. You can learn more about this book at raisingtwinsbook.com Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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Episode 289 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Zach Starr, father of identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Mom developing liver cholestasis during pregnancy
• Water broke at 33 weeks in the middle of the night
• Natural delivery of twins when they thought it would be a c-section
• Staying positive with each milestone girls reached in the NICU
• Getting twins on the same schedule
• Dealing with the witching hour in the evenings
• Challenges of breast feeding the twins
• Successfully sleep training the twins
• Finding a babysitter to help with kids during the day
• Having a third child when twins were still under age 2
• Road tripping with lots of little ones
• Dental tips for young children
• Developing a strong bond with your twins
• and more…

Connect with Zach via email starr.zach@gmail.com

Podcast TranscriptThis is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe:

Today we’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins. Zach Starr, welcome to the show. Zach. Zach, how old are your twins right now and what is something really exciting about this age?

Zach:

My twin girls will turn four in about two weeks and something that’s really exciting about this age is they’re constantly learning new phrases, and they’ll say things to you that you would have no idea how they would know about how to say that or what it even means. But they’re always coming up with something new.

Joe:

Is one of your girls, usually the first to come up with a phrase or they just kind of take turns?

Zach:

They take turns on they are identical but they have extremely different personalities. And that can change. It’s not like one always does one thing or one does the other. But in terms of milestones, there was definitely one who seemed to achieve those maybe a week or two before her sister, technically the younger of the twins. But they have different interests and different styles. Big thing for them right now is clothing and accessories and shoes and hair bands all of that.

Joe:

It’s so fun when they start to have an opinion about what they wear, what their what their sister’s wearing, and we’ve gone through all that as well. Let’s rewind back to when you found out that you would be having twins. What was your family situation like and how was your reaction to that news?

Zach:

Sure. My wife and I had been married for about three years. I wouldn’t say that we were trying to have kids but we also weren’t trying or weren’t not trying to have kids. So we found out my wife was pregnant. This was in 2018, late 2018 And we went to the first ultrasound appointment at a regular OB and I remember just being a little nervous because I hadn’t ever done something like this before. And I remember the tech left the room and then came back in. And when she came back in she had brought the doctor and that’s when they told us that there were twins and they showed us on the screen. And I remember they brought out a textbook because they couldn’t figure out what the how many eggs there were and how many sacks there were based on the way the ultrasound looked. But they ended up being monozygotic dye amniotic twins. And the OB told us also that the hospital that he had privileges that didn’t have a NICU that was sufficient enough for possible complications. So they offered to still kind of see us but they weren’t going to be able to deliver the babies. So they referred us to an MFM a maternal fetal medicine doctor that was located more downtown in our metro area. And we ended up going there and they connected us with their own OB who would deliver the twins.

Joe:

Okay, so you do switcheroo there in the beginning. How was the pregnancy for mom and for babies?

Zach:

Everything went pretty smooth. You know for the most part, I would say probably in between the second and third trimester. My wife developed liver colon stasis. So she was retaining some of these liberal bribe byproducts that she shouldn’t be in it caused her to become very very itchy. And you know, I’ve never experienced anything like that but she was pretty miserable until this liberal stasis was diagnosed and they ended up putting her on a medication called her sidai All which basically took all those symptoms away. And the pregnancy was going really well. The the obese had strongly encouraged a scheduled C section at 36 weeks. That’s what they were wanting to do for identical twins. But my wife’s water ended up breaking at just about 33 weeks.

Joe:

So where were you and where was she when that happened – when her water broke?

Zach:

Yeah, I mean, it was pretty classic. Like out of the movies. It was the middle of the night. She woke me up and she said Hey, I think my water broke. It was technically a Monday morning. She was supposed to work that day. We’re both dentists. So you know, when we call out of work, you know, we have to cancel all our patients too. So I remember just running around the house with her there was a huge puddle like in the bed. And she wanted me to get the car seats and all this stuff and we didn’t really have any sort of go bags prepared. So we just got whatever we could into the car. And we were so concerned about you know, bringing baby clothes and all this stuff and we had no idea that the kids are going to be in the NICU and that the babies weren’t going to come right away. So I remember, you know, dropping her off essentially at the end and going to find parking. And eventually I got to see her in the they moved her up to the labor and delivery ward.

Joe:

So where are your girls born? That same? That same night or same morning?

Zach:

So they wanted to hold them off for an additional week. But all they were able to get was like another three days they gave my wife two rounds of steroid injections, which are supposed to promote lung development because I think in between the 33rd and 34th week is when that final lung development happens. And the kids were you know, they were measuring a little bit small in the lead up but everything else will otherwise normal thank God. So there was no you know, concern to take them earlier than that. But she started having contractions, and about 33 and a half weeks, very painful ones. And so what was a planned scheduled C section luckily turned into a natural delivery.

Joe:

Oh it did. So the girls were in the right positions to come out naturally?

Zach:

Yeah, yeah. We lucked out the OB that happened to be on call. When my wife’s contractions started was like yeah, like, you know, we’ll take you to the VOR we’ll prepare for a C section but we’ll try to go we’ll try to go bad, you know, natural, and she’s like, I am comfortable. You know, delivering breech if if need be. So, we’d lucked out in terms of that. And, you know, my wife, they were small they came out you know, about three and a half pounds so my wife was able to get them out pretty quickly. So, the, my first girl, she was fine. She was taken directly to the NICU. And my second girl was put on some supplemental oxygen for about 24 hours and then taken to the NICU as well.

Joe:

And how did your girls fare in the NICU? Did they just need to some more time to grow? Or were there some other complications?

Zach:

Yeah, basically, they just needed some more time to grow, learn how to you know, take a bottle, things like that. So they were in there for about three and a half weeks. They have various levels of observation. They started off in like, you know, the, the highest observation and then they stepped down all the way to more of like a nursery setting. This was pre COVID. So we were able to visit although there were still a lot of restrictions on that about how many people could be in there at once. They did really good. In the NICU. It was really nice for us, because we got to see the nurses take care of the babies and essentially they trained us. So I think it ended up being a beneficial experience for us instead of having to take home both babies at once with no idea what’s going on. We got to watch the nurses, feed them and carry them and change them. And then we got to participate as well. We were going every day for several hours to do skin to skin and then and to participate in the feedings because my wife was convinced you know if she was there, she would be able to get them to take more in terms of milk and the more they were eating the quicker we would get to take them home. But everyone was super, super helpful and supportive. And you know, it was nice, getting that time together with the four of us. But it’s not a super, you know, positive place to be there are some babies there that are very sick. And so we just really felt lucky. While we were there that, you know, everything for the most part was going okay.

Joe:

So how do you keep I mean, you’re looking at these other babies that are in probably worse condition than your girls were. So how do you keep getting a positive outlook on the progress your girls were making?

Zach:

Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, I think that was kind of up to me, you know? To try to stay positive. My wife was definitely a little bit depressed. I think she felt, you know, somewhat inadequate that her water broke and she delivered early and she wasn’t able to keep them any longer. But, you know, we tried to reassure her that this was nature you know, they came out for a reason. And, you know, I think as we started to see them, make their, you know, tiny little milestones like when they came out of the incubator or when they were taking a bottle for the first time or when they took the feeding tubes out, or when they took, you know, some other barriers away essentially, when they went to the different units. Those were all like little checkpoints that made us feel like we were progressing towards the goal. And the nurse that was in charge of discharge planning was super organized. She had her own little checklist that she would keep by each of the baby’s cribs so that we knew, Okay, you know, what do we have to do to take them home? And then the other thing was, you know, because the babies came so early my wife didn’t have breast milk yet. And I remember those first few days that she was trying to pump literally nothing was coming out. And I think a lot of moms would give up at that point. But my wife stuck with it. And after about a week of you know, just listening to the lactation consultants and everything, you know, she was able to produce more than enough breast milk for them. So I think for her it was important to be there because when she would hear them cry or smell them, you know, the biology would take over and make it easier for her to express milk.

Joe:

So it was she there most of the day.

Zach:

Yeah. You know, we don’t really have paternity leave in our line paternity or maternity leave in our line of work, but I had blocked off X significant a significant amount of time based on when I anticipated her delivery to be and ended up just shuffling things around. So I had a few weeks with her there. And then I wouldn’t meet her there after work. Now we weren’t allowed to sleep there but we were spending probably about eight to 12 hours there a day.

Joe:

So when the time came for you to bring your girls home, do they are they both released? At the same time? I did. Were they staggered.

Zach:

No like other people on your podcast. They were staggered about one day which again was nice, you know, we got to do the one night with one of them by ourselves and then we had both of them. So it was a little difficult in terms of like logistics, you know, because someone needs to be at home with one baby and then we had to, you know, drive to go pick up the other baby and so that was our little intro and you know how challenging childcare can be at times. But yeah, once we got them home, you know, we had been trained, like I said pretty well in the NICU and we were recording everything in notebooks in terms of when they would feed how much they would take like to the rounds when they would you know wet diapers and poopy diapers and things like that.

Joe:

So what were some of the things that surprised you when you brought the girls home or maybe they you struggled with?

Zach:

Probably they were fussy and I don’t know if that was just us not really knowing what we were doing. Or if they a gasp but, you know eventually, a pediatrician gave us a prescription for Zantac, which is like an antacid and I don’t think that did much honestly. But I think the hardest thing at first was just the the lack of sleep and the girls being even though you know, we kept them together. They were in the same crib in our room at first. They were not on the same schedule. And it wasn’t like they were waking each other up. It’s just they had different needs at different times. And so, you know, figuring out when to do what or what certain you know why they weren’t sleeping or why they weren’t eating or why they were crying. You know, when we were new parents was challenging at times. But that’s why it was helpful for us to record everything in our our notebooks. And we we continue doing that until they were almost one year old, I think. So we kept up with that for a while.

Joe:

It’s great. It’s very analytical approach the way you can Yeah, because in the first year you get your sleep deprived and you just can’t remember stuff very well. So to write it down is so important because he could just look back and say, Oh, this is what they did yesterday or that last week. How are we able to start to get them on the same schedule.

Zach:

So you know, we had a lot of help. My mother in law basically lived with us for nine out of the first 12 months and there would be times that she would take one of the babies essentially and do the night shift by herself where me and my wife would do the night shift for one. So she really, really helped us but what we just started doing was trying to at least feed them at the same time and try to put them down for naps at the same time. Now, whether or not we usually had two people almost always with them, at least for the first three to four months. So one you know one was able to one adult was able to focus on on one child you know in some were one baby was typically better at napping than the other one was better at eating than the other woman sleep more at night than the other. So their wake ups weren’t always consistent but we tried to slowly you know, hold them off essentially if they would wake up instead of feeding right away try to wait till their sister woke up. But once they sort of hit that four month, maybe five month mark that’s when sort of all of that newborn sleep that was easier to achieve started to go away and the night wakings became more frequent. The napping in the day was pretty bad. And they started what we called the witching hour are these colic attacks that would occur maybe around five or 6pm. And you know, put a matter if we fed them or if we didn’t feed them it was just brutal for basically like two hours. Each of them would do it and and then they would sleep. And so I started doing a lot more research into sleep training. And I came across two really good book. One. The first one I read was called 12 hours of sleep by 12 weeks old. And that’s a book by Susie G or Dano. And then the other one I read was called sleep easy solution. And that’s by Jill speedback. And so I basically use a combined approach from both of those books. But the important thing was making sure that they were drinking enough milk during the day. And so I think what these books talk about is about 24 ounces and a 24 hour period is what you know a baby of that age needs now, some will drink more, some will drink less, but we really focused on trying to give them more opportunities to feed during the day. And at night we started we would still feed on demand but we would offer less now what was helpful, I think for my wife and for me was that she she didn’t breastfeed at all she pumped and we would either fortify that with formula or we would just alternate with formula. So we were able to keep track of exactly how many ounces they were drinking and and things like that. And as we hit that four and a half month, five month stretch, that’s when I started talking to my wife about possibly sleep training them and she was definitely up for it. I think we had had some family stay with us, you know, right around their five month birthday and then they left and once all the grandmas were gone. We we were ready. And what we did was basically a version of what is popular, popularly called cry it out. And so there was one Rough night definitely with them getting used to it or I shouldn’t even say one Rough night, one rough hour if that. But again, they were already drinking enough during the day that they didn’t necessarily need any feedings at night. So we allowed them to cry. I think they did cry for close to 30 minutes that first night. And then they went to sleep. And I’ll always remember what what that was like, I couldn’t believe that it actually worked like that. And, you know, of course the next day we would we reinforced it with naptime and there was a little bit more protests with naptime, but eventually they got that too. And so you know, ever since then we’ve been pretty strict with bedtime and nap time. You know, we have fun here or there and we’ll let them sleep a little later. Go to sleep a little later or skip a nap here or there but the structure is remained the same and I think I think that’s really important. And once I got that sort of ability to you know, have some predictability in my life knowing that okay, if we put them down at seven, they’re probably going to sleep until they were sleeping until about maybe 6am at that point. So you get that 11 hours that were yours. Basically you can catch up on the housework you can catch up with your wife. I remember that’s when we me and my wife first started watching Netflix again together. Because we just didn’t have the time where the two of us were not doing something those first few months

Joe:

is the training is so powerful. Method. We did something very similar. And it just takes persistence as a parent, but ultimately your children learn the new routine and they fall into it and when did you and your wife go back to work during that for that time?

Zach:

I pretty much went right back to work. You know round when we actually took the girls home and like I said I had my mother in law with us. We also hired the first of the babysitters that we’ve used and she would come during the day. And my mother in law was you know, again really, really helpful and my wife was really good at it, too. She was just a natural. And then I think my wife slowly started working maybe one Saturday, a month and then a couple Saturdays a month and then one day a week and then a couple days a week so she sort of eased back in she’s in private practice I work for the government so it was a little bit easier for me to to use vacation because I I earned vacation whereas she doesn’t. So what I would do is maybe take off like one day a week to be at home so that she could work. But now she you know now, four years later she’s full time I’m full time so you know those first couple of years she definitely was more like part time capacity. And right around when the girls were about eight or 10 months, we found a babysitter that could handle both of them at the same time. And we’ve had her ever since she’s been a huge blessing for us.

Joe:

Okay, so this babysitter is with your girls like during the day when you’re working?

Zach:

Basically like about 10 hours a day. So I usually leave for work earlier than my wife, my wife will do sort of the morning routine with the kids and then the babysitter will come and my wife will go to work and my girls are in preschool. So the babysitter drives them to and from preschool and we’ll take my son along for the ride. But now she handles all three by herself. So again, you know, not not every caregiver can handle that. But this was such a such a blessing for us and my my one bit of advice if you’re looking for a babysitter or considering hiring a babysitter, I would really tell you to try to find someone that’s that’s already Amman that already has children of their own. We went through a few before we found the one that we currently use, and they just don’t think the same way. I don’t think if they haven’t had their own children yet. There is a change I think that happens when you become a parent in terms of how you look at things and the way you analyze whether or not something is safe and things like that and sort of our greatest success in in finding people to take care of our kids is people who have their own kids,

Joe:

because there’s there’s nothing like experience to teach you how to deal with with young children for sure. So you mentioned your son who’s now two So somewhere between twins and now you had a third child. Tell us about that. Tell us about that transition from just the two to three.

Zach:

Well, it must have been about a month or two after the twins turned one. We found out we were pregnant with my son. And we were we were pretty nervous about it. Because if he were to be delivered on time, then their twins were only going to be about 20 months older than my son and we didn’t know how would you be able to handle it and so there was definitely some nervousness. But as the pregnancy progressed and everything was going fine again, thank God and my twins got a little bit older, they actually became I want to I don’t want to say easier to manage, but again, more predictable and I think we just became more comfortable as parents and so that sort of trepidation slowly decreased over time. But yeah, he when he was born, he was full term. Very different. Than my girls. He didn’t require any sort of NICU stay. He came out you know, drinking a ton of milk. It was really chill, no colic attacks. You know, he ate and drank really well. You know, the sleeping was about the same as the girls and we eventually trained him as well he took to it. So you know, it was definitely tough. But again, we had we had help. We had my mother in law, we had our babysitter, and we even hired like a second babysitter to kind of take take over from the first babysitter towards the end of the day. My wife was at home for about two to three months with all three of them and various help. And in between when I have my girls I’m gonna have my son. The government passed a law that allows for paternity leave for federal employees. So I was granted three months of paid paternity leave. Which I ended up spreading out over the course of a year to take one to two days off per week to you know, be at home with everyone and allow my wife to continue working. It was just to spend more time with the kids.

Joe:

I’m glad you mentioned how you kind of stretched your time off out and that’s a good one for our listeners to know is like, say you have a set amount of time you can take off from work. It can often be used creatively like just like you did where you stretch it out over time doesn’t have to be used all at once. So you can kind of mesh that with the needs of your family. So yeah, I

Zach:

think it’s like a misconception that you need the most help like right when the baby comes out. And that’s when everyone wants to help in terms of family and friends and they want to come over and see the baby but you really need a lot more help. I think once the kids are crawling and walking and more mobile and there’s more meal prepping and laundry and things like that. So I think it’s it’s nice to have that time at the beginning, but I think it’s a lot more valuable later on in their development. And it’s probably more valuable. You know, for me as a dad I’m able to connect with them more, I think when they’re older than you know, perhaps when they were, you know, one month old in terms of you know, the feedback I get from them.

Joe:

That’s true. I mean, you can spend time with them when they’re very little but they are as interactive as they are when they get a little bit older. That’s for sure. So your twins are still very young when your son was born. So do they even know what was going on? And how what was their reaction to a new baby in the house?

Zach:

We had told them I don’t know whether or not they understood that the two of the two twins had very different reactions. One was pretty friendly. The other one was not mean or you know didn’t do anything to harm him but she was definitely upset. And I think it took I think we’re still dealing with it to be honest with you. They both have had phases really fighting for mom’s attention. And because they were so young when my son came out, you know, a lot of the duties in terms of taking care of my son were relegated to me because the girls wouldn’t let my wife do anything. So I think my wife was a little disappointed because she got less bonding time with my son, but I loved it because I got a ton of bonding time with him. You know, during those early stages, again, she was pumping so I could bottle feed and I could do everything as long as you know she was able to pump and so it was tough, definitely. But soon, each day it got a little better in terms of them recognizing that he was there and part of the family and I think he gets the most out of it. You know, his development has been so much quicker I think being able to look up to his sisters and copy off them. It seems like he he’s been doing everything a lot quicker than than they were. And now finally, I think they’re all three of them. He just turned two they’re about to turn four. They’ll play together a little bit. And that usually turns into something physical, but there are little brief moments where they’re having a good time with each other.

Joe:

Did you have to change? Usually when you add additional child and maybe changes in your house layout or vehicles or gear? Was there any big changes you had to make there? No. Luckily

Zach:

when we bought our house it was it was a four bedroom and we were like oh wow. We will never fill this you know and then three kids later we suddenly had you know we’re starting to outgrow the house. We did move from that house about six months ago but we could have stayed there for a while we just wanted a little bit more space. We did purchase a third vehicle with three rows kind of a high mileage Toyota that my babysitter will use to take the kids to and from school and we use when we’re doing road trips. And we could have made it work with the vehicles we had but we again because my wife and I work full time. We wanted the the babysitter to have a car in case she needed to take the kids anywhere and I mean obviously she has a car but we already have the car seats installed it’s ready to go rather than making her have to deal with that. We didn’t go for the triple stroller we stuck to a double and a single and we do still have three high chairs we’re able to still feed our four year old girls in the high chairs they don’t like it but it makes it easier for us. We have to buy a third crib because my two girls who are still in each have their own cribs. But other than that, you know we were able to use some hand me downs in terms of the baby gear.

Joe:

our situation is kind of similar but reversed or we had two very young children, two young boys when our twins were born so they’re all three years younger and the dynamics you mentioned about how once one twin reacted differently to the baby that was the same thing with our Singleton’s like one of our boys was all about the twins and one of them was like whatever, I don’t care, some stuff was able to be reused. We had to transition one of our boys to bed so they could free up a crib you know, so it’s got to be a little bit creative errands for sure. You mentioned road tripping and travel. What success have you found when traveling with a bunch of little ones?

Zach:

We only have tried flying once. The girls were about six months old. It did not go well. We flew. It was about a four hour flight and they basically cried the whole time. And we were pretty scarred from that. So we haven’t done that since. So we do do a lot of road trips. We live in North Carolina and my wife’s family lives in Baltimore. So it’s about a six and a half hour drive. And we’ve done that. We’ve done that several times and what used to work for us as we would leave sort of in the evening kind of around their dinner and bedtime and eventually they would fall asleep in the car seats. But that got pretty hard to do. You know because that leaves the parents driving really late at night. So now we kind of just muscle through it. We are aware that they may or may not sleep in the car. They’re a little older now so they can you know, watch things on on a tablet or a screen and they can eat snacks and things like that when they were much younger. It was harder but now it’s definitely a little bit easier and we tried to you know, make some stops to get out and and do something rather than just trying to drive in the middle of the night and hope that they stay asleep the whole time. We make the trips. The road trip more of an event we’ll stop and see friends along the way or we’ll stop for food we’ll find a park we’ll find something to sort of break up that the monotony of the driving.

Joe:

We’ve we’ve done long road trips to with little ones. The worst time was when they were potty training and we tried a long road trip I would not recommend that. To anybody. If they’re still in diapers or they’ve mastered the potty then that’s great. Hit the road for sure. So Zach, you mentioned you’re a dentist so I can’t let you go without getting some some tips about establishing some good dental hygiene, good practices, good habits with little kids. What would you recommend on that front?

Zach:

You really I think the big thing with parents is juice and Well it starts with milk you know you don’t want to put a milk bottle in the in the crib and allow the baby to sort of sit on that all night because then you know all that milk is sitting on the teeth and that’s a pretty quick way for them to develop decay there. The other thing is sort of limiting the juice intake. If you are going to give your kids juice go for it but try to limit it to during meals again, so they’re not sipping on it all day. And then, in terms of brushing their teeth you know we we still brush their teeth. A pediatric dentist told me once that you should not allow your kids to brush their teeth unsupervised until they know how to tie their shoes. So I don’t know what age kids usually learn to do that my girls are definitely not doing that. yet. So we still help them with brushing their teeth and we tried to do it morning and night and um it’s definitely challenging for I think in the beginning they don’t want you to do it but now they’re pretty into it and they want to participate and they want to squeeze the toothpaste out onto the brush and you know do all this ritual that they have associated with it. But sort of the other big tip is that you really don’t need much toothpaste. For little kids. We’re talking like a grain of rice. So minimal minimal toothpaste. It’s more important just to use the brush.

Joe:

Yeah the amount of toothpaste is interesting because once they get their hands on that tube, it’s not there’s always more coming out than you want. Because that because you look back at your experience so far as a father of twins, were there any other surprises or lessons learned that you feel would be of value to other dads that are listening today?

Zach:

Transitioning into caring about people other than just myself? You know, I got married and that was a transition, you know having someone else in your life. But then all of a sudden we have you know two children and you know I went from being able to essentially do whatever I wanted to having to you know, see how that factored into everything else we were doing. So that definitely took me a little bit of time to develop I think for moms, you know they make that switch or that transition during pregnancy. You know, they’re carrying the babies, they they have a head start on on bonding. So I think it’s important that you try to be involved as much as you can and support in whatever way you can. Once the babies come out. I think once you develop a stronger relationship with them, that’s when some of those sacrifices we make his parents seem less like sacrifices. And, you know, I try to when I get really frustrated or angry at them I try to remember and my wife usually does have to remind me that they’re, you know, they’re just kids they’re learning. It’s not It’s nothing personal, you know? And, you know, I try to think about how, how quickly they they are growing up and you know, to try to take advantage of each moment I have with them.

Joe:

It’s great perspective to have more time here to spend with them the quicker able to build that bond. I agree with you like during the pregnancy as a father, it’s kind of surreal. I mean, you see the changes in your partner. You see the sonograms ultrasounds, but it’s still kind of not real until they show up. And then the process starts. And the point you mentioned about the things that your kids do are not they’re not malicious, unintentionally. They’re not doing stuff to get you first bite. It’s certainly if you don’t take it personal, they’re gonna do things that drive you crazy and that’s just that’s just the way it is and you roll with it. But those are some great tips that you shared there, Zack, so as we wrap up today, if if other parents would like to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out

Zach:

email is easiest. It’s starr.zach@gmail.com

Joe:

Right. So thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

I hope you enjoyed that chat with Zach about his adventures as a father of twins. If you’d like to see the show notes for this episode, or listen to any previous podcast episodes, just head on over to twindadpodcast.com. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my store called twintshirtcompany.com. Where you’ll find lots of T shirts designed specifically for us parents of twins and for families of twins. They make perfect gifts for your favorite twin family members. As well as for yourself. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com

If you’d like to share your story like Zach did today on the podcast, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email joe@dadsguidetotwins.com or on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe and I would love to connect. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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The post From Premature Twin Delivery to Having a Third Child after Twins with Zach Starr – Podcast 289 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Which baby monitor should you get for your twins? What is the best baby monitor for twins?

Here I’ll share recommendations from several twin parents so you can get an idea of what would be best for your family and household situation.

Types of Baby Monitors for TwinsFirst, let’s talk about the broad categories of baby monitors:

• Audio-Only dedicated baby monitors – you can hear your baby but you can’t see them.
• Video dedicated baby monitors – you can pull the video feed up on your phone or on a device and see what’s going on in your twins’ room.
• Security Cameras used as baby monitors – these are cameras that aren’t necessarily baby monitor cameras, but maybe they are home security cameras or things of that nature that you can dual purpose for a baby monitor in your twins’ nursery.

Twin Must-Haves for Baby MonitorsIt is important to note that there aren’t twin-specific baby monitors. However, there are many that can help you keep tabs on both your twins at the same time.

Be sure to look for baby monitors that:

• have two cameras or you can position one camera so you see both twins
• if they are video baby monitors, can you do a split screen and see both twins at once?
• are you able to mount them on the wall or out of reach of the twins’ cribs?

Do you need two monitors for twins? Not necessarily if you can see and or hear both twins with one device.

Can you use two baby monitors in the same house? You’ll need to double check the specifications of your baby monitors. If you get two identical baby monitors there is a chance of inference between the devices. However, some baby monitors have ways to adjust the channel or frequency used so avoid interference problems. If your twins are in the same room, you should be fine with just one twin baby monitor.

Do you need a twin baby monitor with app so you can monitor your twins on your phone? Make sure you double check the specifications of the monitors to see if they have a mobile app compatible with your mobile device or if you can only monitor the babies within the same house on a dedicated viewing or listening device.

Twin Baby Monitors that Twin Parents UseLet’s talk about some recommendations from twin parents to give you some ideas of what might work for you and your twins.

What twin baby monitor is best? Here’s what your fellow twin parents have to say via the Dad’s Guide to Twins Facebook page:

Owlets for TwinsCan I use owlet with twins? Yes, you can. Darrell says that they used outlets for their twins.

Audio-Only Baby MonitorsMark says that they had just one audio-only monitor for both sets of their twins. Like this one from VTech or this alternative.

Pat says they had an audio-only baby monitor and that their twins shared a room so they just needed one monitor.

Sarah says they had a single sound-only monitor. It was plugged in close enough to both cribs that they can hear if either baby cried.

Video Baby MonitorsJoe says the Vava baby monitor for twins (like this one) with split screens and it was hands down excellent with great night vision.

Matt says they used a Motorola twin baby monitor with two cameras – one over each crib.

Security Cameras as Baby MonitorsMelissa said they used the Wyze cam, which is a security camera. They used to have two Wyze cams in the nursery but then they moved their twins to toddler beds and they could get away with just one camera because they could see the whole room.

Brett used the Amazon blink camera.

Daniel says that they used the Arlo as a baby camera.

Get Creative for Monitoring Your TwinsMark says they didn’t even have baby monitors. They just checked it on the babies like clockwork to make sure that everything was going smoothly.

Richie used Old iPhones with the Bibino app.

Getting the Right Baby Monitor for Your TwinsAs you can see, there are tons of options for keeping an eye (or ear) on your twins. You can choose a do-it-yourself option like using a couple of old phones to create your own baby monitor system, a security camera like a Wyze, a dedicated baby monitor via video or audio, and more.

The only important thing is that you can monitor your twins in a way that works for you. That way, you can help in case something goes wrong or if nap time is over.

What We Used to Monitor Our Twin GirlsWe didn’t even use a baby monitor unless we were traveling. Our twins shared a room that was right next door to our master bedroom. So whenever they started to cry, or move around, we could actually hear them and we can go in and take care of them.

We’d leave our doors open at night so we could make sure that we could hear and take care of them as needed.

But when we’d travel, say we’d go visit grandma’s house and the twins were in a whole different part of the house, that’s when we set up an audio-only baby monitor so we could more easily check on the babies.

If your twins will likewise share a room, they’ll be fine with a single baby monitor in the room that will pick up any and all of the noises that are happening in that room.

Having just a baby monitor that picks up sounds might be good enough to keep track of your kiddos. You’ll find that your twins each make distinct and different types of cries and sounds that you’ll learn over time and you’ll be able to recognize which baby needs your attention just from a sound.

Now, two monitors would be helpful if you have twins are in separate rooms in a separate parts of the house. For example, maybe they’re upstairs and your master suite is downstairs or they’re on the other side of the house.

Otherwise, I feel that less is probably going to be more for you. You can generally hear a baby crying when the house is quiet. This is particularly true late at night when they’re hungry and they really want to get your attention.

I personally feel that video is a little overrated because you have to take the time to actually look at the monitor to check their status. Whereas audio is a much more efficient alert that lets you carry on with whatever you’re doing in the house and will let you know. It will interrupt you when something is happening. You’ll hear your baby or babies crying.

Lots of Options to Stay in Your BudgetYou don’t have to break the bank financially to set up a baby monitor to keep an eye on your twins. Some of these options can be had for $20-$40 or all the way up to dedicated baby monitoring systems with multiple cameras and equipment that can be several hundred dollars.

There’s usually going to be something that’s going to fit your budget to help you in setting up your twins nursery.

If you have your heart set on a fancy baby monitor for twins but don’t have the cash, put it on your twin baby registry!

How about you? Do you already have your eyes on a certain baby monitor? If you already have one for your twins, what are you using? Let us know in the comments.

The post Baby Monitors for Twins (Recommendations from twin parents) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Episode 287 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Rob Kaercher, father of identical twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Raising 21-month old identical boys
• Watching the twins improve their verbal communication
• Staying on schedule with toddlers
• Six months in parents room for breastfeeding
• Transitioning from a DINK lifestyle to having twins
• IVF journey to twins from one viable embryo
• Moving while pregnant with twins
• Twin A’s sac broke at 31 weeks
• Didn’t know they had TTTS during pregnancy until delivery
• Twins in the NICU for 3 weeks
• One twin came home 24 hours before the other
• Getting up together to feed twins during the night for months changed to taking turns
• Dad off for two weeks and then worked from home for a month
• After maternity leave, couldn’t find day care for both boys at same place
• Dad decided to be a stay at home dad
• Some challenges of being a stay at home dad
• Keeping marriage strong while parenting twins
• Finding a babysitter for twins
• Making one on one time with twins

Connect with Rob via email rlkaercher@gmail.com or on Instagram or Facebook.

Podcast TranscriptThis is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

[00:00:00] Should you be a stay-at-home dad of your twins? How do you even decide if it’s you or your partner that stays home? Plus what happens when your twins are born early? We discuss all this and more as we continue our Father of Twins interview series today.

[00:00:12] Welcome to the Dads Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins.

[00:00:19] Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

[00:00:27] Hey everybody. My name is Joe Rawlinson. I’m the founder of dadsguidetotwins.com where I help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Welcome to the podcast. As always. You can visit me online at dadsguidetotwins.com.

[00:00:37] Today we’re having another chat with a twin dad that share some of his insights that he’s gained along the way. His twin journey from pregnancy to now having toddler twins. But before we jump into that interview, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dad’s.

[00:00:52] It’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. You can get a copy of this book for yourself raisingtwinsbook.com. It will guide you through the first several years of your twins, from birth to crawlers, to toddlers and beyond. You can get your book at Raising Twins book dot. Today I would like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Rob Kaercher.

[00:01:14] Welcome to the show, Rob.

[00:01:16] Thank you, Joe. Thank you so much for having me.

[00:01:19] My pleasure. Rob, how old are your twins right now and what’s something really exciting about this age?

[00:01:25] So my twins are just days away from being 21 months, and I think the most exciting part of this stage is the very recent development of.

[00:01:39] Just better verbal communication. It’s constantly changing it and increasing week by week, and it has certainly made our lives a little easier while trying to just facilitate what the boys are, you know, trying to ask us what have

[00:01:52] they been saying or how’s that communication been improving.

[00:01:54] So they’ve slowly been stringing words together.

[00:01:57] If they see something and we walk by it, they may say, bye. Chuchu, we have a train that runs close to our town, which they love to go and watch when we play at the playground. And as it’s leaving, they’ll say, bye, choo. Or, you know, Dad. Dad, bye mama. It’s been a lot of fun telling us when they won something such as milk or blueberries.

[00:02:19] So it’s, that’s been a lot of fun and it’s just been in the last handful of weeks.

[00:02:24] Are your boys identical or are they fraternal? They are identical. So have they kind of reached the same milestones at the same.

[00:02:32] It has been staggered for us, and it’s been fun talking to folks about you know, their twins and, and how they meet milestones.

[00:02:39] But for our boys, we have one who twin a and true to twin a form, he is the go-getter. He is the hammer in every problem as a nail, and he will attempt something countless times until he perfects it, whereas his brother twin b is. Analytical and we’ll watch and wait to attempt something we think until he’s been able to study it.

[00:03:01] So he’s normally always been about a week or two weeks behind his brother.

[00:03:07] So Twin, I figured something out. Twin B observes and then mimics that behavior.

[00:03:12] Correct. And that’s a whole lot of fun to watch. We had a lot of

[00:03:16] that too with our girls. As soon as one would figure it out, the other would kind of study that, and then they were never too far.

[00:03:22] For speaking, crawling, walking,

[00:03:24] whatever it was. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I’d say it’s almost the, the work smarter not harder philosophy from twin

[00:03:31] B. So what is the typical day in the life of for your 21 month olds? Like as far as daily schedule times of, of feeding naps and sleeping, stuff like that.

[00:03:40] Certainly so that the schedule has become more dynamic in the last probably six months. You know, at the beginning, like everyone with a newborn. Same for twins, very regimented. And now as we approach two years, you know, we really I have found success with ensuring that there is a, a wake up a snack time, lunchtime, nap time.

[00:04:04] Snack time and dinner. So it’s really the meals and the nap that really try to stay regimented with. And then everything else throughout the day can be more dynamic. We may stay inside one morning. We may go on a trip somewhere go to the zoo, go to the local aquarium. But always try to ensure that we’re eating at the same time and that we’re back home.

[00:04:25] So naps are available at the same time

[00:04:27] each day. Now, do they share

[00:04:29] a, a bedroom? They do share a bedroom and they’ve, they’ve shared one well really since birth. But after we moved them out of our room, we moved ’em into the nursery and they’ve we’ve had a lot of success with that. Since getting home, how long were they in your room with you?

[00:04:45] We had them in our room in a double bassinet for about six months. I would say five to six. My wife was breastfeeding and it just made it that much easier. So

[00:04:58] let’s let’s rewind back to when you found out that you were gonna be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time and what was your reaction?

[00:05:06] So as my wife and I like to say, we were living the DINK life dream, the dual income, no kids. We lived in the downtown area in a small, renovated craftsman and had freedom of movement every day. You know, we could go out to eat when we wanted. We could walk our dogs, we could go see friends around town.

[00:05:27] And then we started on the journey to you know, start a family and we ended up choosing to go f the fertility treatment route and utilized I V F. And as we were going through that journey we eventually got down to. A portion where we found out how many embryos we had, how many viable embryos, and we had one.

[00:05:53] And so we said, all right, if this is how it’s gonna work, we’re going to, you know, be very happy with one successful transfer and, and one child, it’ll, that’ll be great. We can live downtown still. . And then, you know, we had the implant and they said, Hey, in six weeks, come on back, we’ll do an ultrasound.

[00:06:11] And so we go in there and with the, this expectation of we’re gonna have one, you know, healthy hopefully six week embryo. And immediately on the screen it looked like two little jelly beans looking right at each other. And the room went silent. It was great. My wife, myself, the nurse and the tech, everyone was just quiet for a few.

[00:06:35] And then we looked at each other, my wife and I, and said, well, I guess we’re doing too. And so that just kind of got the ball rolling on a lot of different things such as, oh wow, I don’t think our house is large enough. I don’t think our car is large enough. We’re gonna need help. So we ended up moving a little outside the city, closer to family, into a larger house, and it just happened very.

[00:06:56] That’s

[00:06:57] right. The news of twins definitely shakes up everything for sure.

[00:07:01] Oh yeah. . And you don’t, in our journey, I guess we never thought we would be the ones with twins. You always see other folks with twins or you meet twins, be it children or adults see ’em on tv and you think, wow, that’s That’s different, but you never think you are going to be the one taking that journey.

[00:07:18] But now 20 month, one months later, we’re so happy we, we

[00:07:21] are. So you had to, you had to move, get a new, getting a new place. Like where in the pregnancy did that happen? Was that kind of right away or did it stretch through the whole pregnancy? ,

[00:07:31] it was not as early as we would’ve liked. So this was this would’ve been late.

[00:07:38] Late summer, early fall, which isn’t the typical, you know time of the year to find a large inventory of homes. So we just kind of put our nose to the grindstone, started checking all the different outlets for you know, available homes in the area that we, we wanted, and we found something that was perfect.

[00:07:56] It was walkability to the downtown area of the suburb close to family. Close to friends. And so we were able to close and move in, and by that time we were, it was close to spring, the boys were born in June, so we knew we were cutting it close for all the, you know, pun intended, heavy lifting that had to occur as you move into a new home.

[00:08:20] Which really fell on myself and family and friends due to my, my wife. Just, just getting further and further along in the pregnancy. We got the nursery set up, all the renovation work done. I would say a month maybe before the boys decided to show up.

[00:08:39] Went down to the wire for sure.

[00:08:41] Truly, truly did.

[00:08:43] how was the pregnancy for your wife? Were there any complications with that?

[00:08:47] Yes. But I would say early on these being our first children, my wife didn’t know any better. And although she was showing sooner than a singleton pregnancy I think she would tell you that it didn’t become difficult where she was truly uncomfortable until we were approaching the.

[00:09:07] 25th week or so, and then from 25 to 31 weeks things were, were fine. And then we noticed she was leaking fluid and we, we tried to tell the doctors, Hey, you know, something is going on and, and they told us, well, it’s probably just, you know, the body going through the changes it does when you know someone’s pregnant and then thir at 32 weeks, you know, water broke.

[00:09:38] Twin a’s Amniotic sack broke and, you know, just like the movies, I mean, it was just nonstop and we knew we had to get to the hospital. So we drove to the hospital. Probably the fastest I’ve driven through this area since moving here. It was early in the morning. We get there and you know, they confirm, yeah, a twin eighth sac is broken.

[00:09:58] So, you know, they were 30, they were 31 weeks. They said, we really want to try to keep both boys in there for another week. You know, we’ll keep you here at the hospital just to ensure we can you know, observe what’s needed, mitigate infections and such. And then at 32 weeks they said, you know, these contractions started and that.

[00:10:21] You know, we might as well do this on our time as opposed to the boys’ time just so we can make sure this delivery goes well. So we had a scheduled C-section and luckily that procedure went very well. The boys were delivered safely and after that things were good. What we didn’t know though, Joe, was that between the boys, we did have twin to twin transfusion.

[00:10:44] Between, let’s see, B was taking nutrients from a, so when twin A was delivered first it was extremely pale. . And then when twin B was delivered about a minute later he was almost purple. And, and so after speaking with the, the doctors afterwards, we were, everyone was very happy that we, we had made the, the decision to deliver at 33 weeks.

[00:11:09] As opposed to, you know, trying to wait longer.

[00:11:12] So there was no sign of that before delivery at all.

[00:11:16] There was not. Yeah, surprisingly. Which it, it surprised everyone, the specialists the my wife’s doctor. It was, it came as quite a shock.

[00:11:25] So what were the implications of that after birth with your boys?

[00:11:30] Luckily, the, there were none. We simply had to monitor them to ensure that they were leveling out as necessary. And so that included a NICU stay. Luckily they immediately started to eat, they started to gain weight and the bilirubin levels in twin B slowly began to go down. So it was really the best case scenario given the circumstances that still we we’re very thankful, you know, went our way.

[00:11:59] How long were they in the nicu? So they were in the nicu. About three weeks. One of that being in the main portion of the ni. and then the last two weeks being in the feed and grow portion as they called it. Which luckily they were able to stay together the entire time and just had a, a w wonderful experience given the, the high risk pregnancy the hospital and their staff were amazing.

[00:12:26] And so at three weeks when we could confirm everyone was growing as they should, they were eating. Everyone was leveling out. We were twin A was discharged 24 hours before twin B. So bringing this tiny four pound. Seven ounce baby home was quite the experience. And man, my, my wife and I just thought it was so hard that first night and, and then the next day we got the call to come in and his brother at four pounds, three ounces was able to come home and then reality hit that evening when we had both boys home.

[00:13:01] and you know, the excitement of the delivery was kind of over the excitement of being in the hospital and around all these folks who knew what they’re doing. Now you’re kind of on your own and and certainly with two infants to care for, that was a shock to the system.

[00:13:17] Absolutely. Especially after having the hospital take such good care of your babies and then you, and then all of a sudden one day, okay, it’s your turn.

[00:13:24] Mom and dad, how was the adjustment to life at home? Your boys, what was working or what, what are some of the things that you struggled with?

[00:13:33] So something we determined very quickly for us was, you know, and, and I had heard on, on your show, and we had heard from luckily a couple friends who had experienced twins.

[00:13:44] It was an all hands on deck experience. It was not mom simply leaving in the middle of the night or getting up out of bed to feed one. and and put ’em back down. It, it took my wife and I as a team for months getting up together to, to feed them all the necessary changes and, and such. And, and that took a real toll on us as the parents, that the boys were fine, you know, doing what young infants do.

[00:14:13] But then we, we realized this was probably not a sustainable process for us personally. And. We began to go in shifts. We’d heard some parents switch nights out. We tried that. It, it wasn’t best for us, but we would start, say, Hey, first feeding mom’s gonna take it second feeding. I was gonna go just so we could get some semblance of rest every night because it was truly a go, go, go for 24 hours for weeks and weeks.

[00:14:46] And that’s how we. The, the best way to get some rest, which, you know, you kind of forget to do.

[00:14:52] Yeah. You don’t know. You don’t know how important sleep is until you’re not getting it on a regular basis. And newborn twins, infant twins, make sure that you don’t get enough sleep. So that was, that was really wise of you to start taking turns and working something out.

[00:15:05] This time, were you, were you off work or had you all, y’all gone back to work? What was that situation?

[00:15:10] So for my wife, she was still off work. She works for a, a great company. Their maternity leave policy is excellent, and she even had the ability to take some extra time off. So she was kind of right in the middle of it at that point, or honestly the beginning.

[00:15:25] So she did not have to worry too much about work given her profession. She was still somewhat involved, but at a very minimal level. Me. On the other hand, I worked in the sales, the construction industry in an outside sales capacity. And that industry is not known for its fraternity leave.

[00:15:45] However, I worked for a great company who pretty much told me, Rob, you know, take care of your family and do what you need to do and, you know, tend to work as you can. So I would say the first two weeks after the boys were born computer was shut, phone was off. And I had a lot of great support from the folks in my office to help me.

[00:16:06] And then after two weeks I began to go back working from home for the most part. And I’d say I, I probably did that for the next month or so. And then for me it was returning back. So how long was your wife? My wife was off for a total of eight months. So six was the, the primary maternity leave and then the additional two she took on her own.

[00:16:33] So when the eight months was up was it, it was time to put the kids in daycare or, or what, what did you decide to do with the boys at that point?

[00:16:39] So this is an interesting story. While my wife was on leave, she was elevated at her job and it was kind of a, a change of roles and responsibilities, far more demanding.

[00:16:51] And we knew that ti that clock was ticking and

[00:16:55] we

[00:16:55] could not find childcare for two infants at the same daycare in the city. And we were on waiting. for three in the process of getting on a fourth. And at that time in 2001 they were still having issues with employees coming back after the pandemic.

[00:17:15] Some had left to go home and be with family. They didn’t have the same capacity as they once had, and they some said, yes, we can take one. We can’t ca take two. and her parents luckily stepped in and helped us for what was supposed to be three months which we thought was great. And ended up being a little longer.

[00:17:36] First it, it had been one, then it turned to two, and they said, okay, we can, we can do three. And I think they went almost four months before we had a serious conversation about what we were going to do. And ultimately that was. Me taking a step back from my job in sales where I could hit a pause button and be home with the boys to be the full-time caregiver.

[00:18:00] So even after your in-laws watching the boys for four months, there was still no daycare availability.

[00:18:07] There was not, not at the, the same daycare facility, which is wild. And, and since then we have. That we had found daycares where they could take both boys, but I had already been involved in this role for a number of months and it just seemed like it was best for our family.

[00:18:25] The reduction in stress between two working parents trying to get multiple children to daycare from daycare. For two working professionals was something we, we didn’t want to test the waters on. Given how well me being at home with our boys and that freed my wife up to be more successful at her job.

[00:18:47] For us as a team, it, it worked well.

[00:18:50] That’s great that, that worked out. I know lots of twin parents like you, like in our situation too, it was, it was a great benefit to have one of the parents home with, with the kiddos when they were really young. Alpha comes down to the expensive daycare. People are like, I’m not gonna pay that much just to work full-time.

[00:19:04] So it’s a very interesting situation that you had where you’re like, well, we couldn’t put ’em in daycare if we wanted to. So, how did the, how did this discussion go between you and your wife? Like how do you decide which of, of the partners is going to stay home with the kids and which is going to work?

[00:19:16] There are a magnitude of different things we’re looking at to determine that, but it ultimately came down to. Even as an outside sales professional with a lot of freedom of movement working from home, being able to leave the office when needed, I could hit pause in that sort of profession. I spoke to my employer and said, you know, my intent is not to stay home forever.

[00:19:41] It’s the first few years just be. with the boys before they go to to school and, and then return. My wife as an attorney, didn’t have the option to hit Paul’s certainly after hitting a milestone where she really had to be present. And there’s still the ability to grow in a lot of companies.

[00:20:02] Unless you want to move into management. Outside sales is kind of, you can do that for 20 years. So it just made more sense at the time. Hey Rob, hit Paul’s, and it, it worked out well, but the conversation went a little something like we’ve never talked about this. How would you feel Rob, about staying home with the boys?

[00:20:23] And we had joked around about it, but we had never seriously entertained the idea. , but it was a very natural, absolutely. If this is what’s best for our family, yes. There’s no, no questions. So but I’ve loved every minute of it. I cannot imagine not having the boys around with me now. Every day they become my best friends.

[00:20:45] They, they come with me everywhere. Be a grocery shopping, running errand. However, we did move into a parent’s morning out at a local church, which gives me affords me the ability two mornings a week to have some time to myself. Because the stay-at-home dad job is a, a monster unto itself and with twins that I think that could be a podcast

[00:21:09] there’s always something happening. You know, even if one twin twin is, is calmly playing in the corner, the other twin is off freaking havoc somewhere. And you always have to be on your toes as a, as a parent. Well, that’s wonderful that you’re able to find a, an arrangement that worked for you and for your wife and for your kiddos.

[00:21:24] Being a stay at home parent is not easy. I mean, being a, a parent of twins is, is not easy. For sure. You, you described that you really enjoyed that role as a stay-at-home dad. What have been some of. Let’s say some of the, the challenges that you didn’t expect, like when you decided, Hey, I’m gonna be a stay at home dad, what were some of the things that were like, oh, I didn’t really think that was gonna be an issue.

[00:21:43] That is now a very easy question. I’ve been doing it I can’t believe for almost a year now. And you know, I, I found myself, I was in sales for a little over six and a half, almost seven years, and. In that profession, you have to be an extrovert. I thrived on the energy of others and when I became a stay-at-home dad, I never, I was only focused on the boys, but then I found out, oh wait, I’m spending the majority of my day with two small humans that can’t efficiently communicate verbally.

[00:22:19] And I have no one to talk to. And I found myself simply having conversations with them for my sanity. And but when I, we go on walks or I take ’em to a, the zoo or the aquarium or go to the playground You immediately can see the other stay-at-home parents who are also extroverted, and you’re immediately just excited to talk to an adult.

[00:22:42] Or in the evenings when my wife returns home from work and she is more of an introvert and kind of needs time to recharge. I mean, the moment she comes through the door, I’m not looking for help with the boys, I’m looking for a conversation. So that was probably the largest hurdle to overcome. Neither my wife or I thought of when I made the decision to to stay at home with the boys.

[00:23:07] Yeah, those, those are interactions that you don’t know that’s gonna be the situation until you’re in it. You, you can anticipate, okay, I’m gonna have to get ’em down for naps by myself. I’m gonna have to feed ’em by myself. You can kind of think through those scenarios, but these other ones, you’re like, oh yeah, I hadn’t considered that before.

[00:23:21] Yeah. And truly at least for me, the hardest part about this role. But the, the pros outweigh that what I think is the one con by so many. It’s, it was easy to find you know, a way to, to overcome that, adapt. And luckily, you know, I have a lot of friends and family in the area. And now as we walk through our town like I said, we’re, we’re lucky enough to have walkability to the downtown area.

[00:23:45] Everybody knows the twins now. And so we’re, I’m able to talk to quite a few people and now the boys at 21 months, you know, picking up words and and meanings slowly are beginning to talk to me and so that’s become a lot of fun.

[00:24:02] What’s, what’s something that you’ve been able to do to keep your relationship with your wife strong through this whole journey from pregnancy to adapting into life as with you at home and, and she working?

[00:24:12] That ties into probably what I think was the best piece of advice we, as a couple ever received. And it didn’t have anything to do with the, It had everything to do with us as the parents. And I think it works for parents of singletons and, you know, clearly parents of multiples and that is make sure you make time for each other.

[00:24:36] You know, you started this journey and you’re gonna finish this journey. You know, hopefully the boys are gonna grow up self-reliant. They’re gonna move. And you’re still going to have your partner. And so my wife and I clearly not in the first handful of months because that was a shock to the system, but once we stabilized, we really tried to make time for a date night.

[00:24:58] And just ensuring that we’re both also thinking about each other. And not just the twins, which is so easy to do. I think that has been the single best behavior that has helped us get through this together is we’ll, we’ll take a date night, even if it’s an hour, just go out and focus on us. We know the twins are fine.

[00:25:19] And the first handful of times we did it, it was really hard to move the conversation away from something that happened during the day or, oh geez, what’s the next milestone? and now we’re able to go out and we talk about hobbies or things we enjoy to do together as a couple. And that’s just been invaluable for, for both my wife and I.

[00:25:39] That’s great.

[00:25:40] How do you find a babysitter? For twins. So,

[00:25:42] The first babysitter we found actually worked at our church’s local nursery and, and came very highly recommended to us. And funny enough, she is also a twin and she’s a teacher there for their parents’ morning out. It was someone we, we were familiar with and, you know, the first time we utilized a babysitter outside of the family.

[00:26:06] because still you know, at 21 months the family is all too happy to come and hang out and spend time with the boys. But on short notice, it’s nice to have a, a small list of folks that we can call and actually hire as babysitters. And now we also in our, our neighborhood have a few teenagers that do babysitting for the local neighbors.

[00:26:26] And that’s been helpful too. So for us finding a a real babysitter was luckily not that difficult. And after doing it the first time and you, you kind of jump into that pond or pool and you realize, oh, it’s not scary to leave my. With someone else. Certainly someone that you’ve developed a relationship with.

[00:26:43] Now it’s one of our favorite ways to sneak away when we can.

[00:26:47] That’s right. The hardest time is the first time. Right. Like, are they gonna be okay without us? And the answer is yes. They’ll be, they’ll be fine. Like, why didn’t we do this earlier? We could have done this, you know, last month could have started day night, sooner.

[00:26:59] That would be a another piece of advice. I think any parent, not just parent of multiples, but, you know, go ahead and, and utilize that babysitter. They’re, they’re trained you know, find, find one that’s experienced and trained and you know, they’re gonna take care of those kids. You know, just as well as you can.

[00:27:15] certainly for an hour or two. Yeah.

[00:27:17] When we first started having babysitters, we were so kind of scared that we would put our kids down to sleep at night. Then have the babysitter come over, just be in the house in case something happens. And we’ll be back, you know, in a little bit. So, you know, whatever baby steps work to get outta the house is

[00:27:32] great.

[00:27:33] Exactly. We, we did the same, and now we’re at the point where, you know, the babysitter will come over and as she’s walking through the door, it’s almost like we’re walking out. I’m like . They’re the snacks. They’re the drinks. We fed ’em. Good luck, . So it’s funny how quickly that can change

[00:27:49] and once you find someone that’s good and the kids are comfortable with that individual it becomes really easy going forward cuz it’s not like baby sitter shuffle.

[00:27:57] It’s, you know, the same or similar people every time. And that makes it a lot easier once they get in the habit of that.

[00:28:03] Yeah, I think finding someone who, who worked at a nursery and school that they went to, we were just so lucky that they, the boys were familiar with that individual and that was a, you know, one step of the process that we, you know, luckily did not have to deal with.

[00:28:17] So that was very nice.

[00:28:19] Yeah, we’d have the same kind of resources we had. We had people we knew at church that would come to babysit. And we had some teenagers who lived on our street that we just used over and over again until they went off to college. And then we were like, oh, okay, who’s gonna babysit now for us?

[00:28:31] You said you’ve got twin, identical twin boys. So have there been any kind of challenges because you have got identical children?

[00:28:37] Yes. And it’s probably for all the same reasons that, that every other. Parent has with identical or even children, siblings that look alike. When we brought them home from the hospital, luckily as the Billy Ruben levels were leveling out, we could tell, you know, twin B, you know, he has a tan.

[00:28:57] Twin A is, is pale. It was easy then that began to change and we started painting their toenails to ensure that we could tell them apart, you know, wouldn’t try to feed the same child twice. And now as they continue to grow and develop, We’ve actually had a conversation about this very recently.

[00:29:16] We think they’re becoming more alike in looks you know, their, their eyes, their, their nose, their mouth. Luckily they continue to hold their faces differently, the way they express their emotions. But even some of that is beginning to blend, and that might be a product of just spending so much time with the same individual.

[00:29:39] much like many family members or even spouses begin to do. So, it’s, the difficulty has simply been ensuring you’re talking to the right child if they’re on separate sides of the room. Cuz they can’t tell me who they are just yet, they’ll, they’ll look if you call their name. So you know that, okay.

[00:29:57] Yeah, that’s the right, let me look. Yeah, that’s you. It just takes a moment, but. It, it can still be challenging. We still switch them all the time, and I feel like some folks think it, it’s a twin gimmick and maybe only other parents of twins, and certainly identical can understand. It’s not, we’re not trying to make anything more difficult than it already is.

[00:30:20] We’re looking for the most streamlined, efficient route possible. So mixing the kids up is not wonderful. . Yeah,

[00:30:26] our girls are identical too. I think like, like your boys when they were born, there was a physical differences in coloring and and size, but that kind of evened out. Eventually we would just dress ’em in different colors of clothing for a long time.

[00:30:42] But even now, my girls are teenagers and I’ll just glance across the room and see like a profile or something and I, I’ll sometimes I’ll still have to do a double take. I’ll be like, I know who you are. It’s like, cuz they’re, they’re still so, so similar. So they struggle with that at school and they have a, they have a part-time job.

[00:30:58] They do. And, and that people still can’t tell ’em apart. So, ,

[00:31:03] we a funny story about our journey at home, or I guess birth was You know, a lot of people look at their, their new infant as it’s born and they’re like, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Which is true, but I had mentioned that twins sack had burst.

[00:31:18] So he had been pushed up against the wall and when he was delivered, he had bruises on the side of his face. And I remember thinking, oh, wow. That poor baby looks like he’s gone a couple rounds with a, a boxer, and then twin B comes. and like, wait, we know these are identical. There’s no question about that, but that’s a far better looking baby than, than this one.

[00:31:44] And so besides the, the bilirubin levels evening out and their, their skin tone twin, a space slowly began to heal, you know, from the bruises. And that’s when it also became just that much more difficult. But then fast forward 18, 19, 20 months, they will still come home from school with a name tag on the back where they can’t get it, or someone has tied a piece of yarn to a belt loop.

[00:32:09] We try not to dress them the same. It is a lot of fun to do that from time to time. You know, I, I guess that’s a perk of having identical twins. But for everyone else’s sake and, and really our own, we try to make sure. You know, Robbie had that red painted toenail and his brother twin b Timmy had the blue.

[00:32:28] So maybe a red shirt on on one and a blue shirt on the other. Or if one has a, a yellow shirt on, then we’ll make sure, hey, you’re, you’re wearing red cuz that’s your color. Or vice versa with the blue. So it, it has been a lot of fun. It is a challenge, but it’s really.

[00:32:46] One, one pro of identicals is that, you know, they can eventually just share their clothes, right?

[00:32:49] They’ll decide, they’ll get to a point where they have a total preference on what they’re wearing, and they’ll just, they’ll just go with that. Regardless of our, our carefully esteemed colors as parents, they’ll be like, no, no, I’m not gonna wear that anymore. I wanna wear something else. Or I wanna wear my siblings clothes.

[00:33:04] And usually they could do that just fine, cuz they’re, you know, same size, same, same height, stuff like that.

[00:33:10] We, we cannot wait until the boys want to dress themselves if for nothing else, to just kind of remove one more task in the morning. So that, that’s gonna be great. But, you know, in the city we live in, there are honestly a lot of multiples.

[00:33:24] And so there are all these networks for, Hey, you know, my, my twins just grew out. These outfits in the last month and a half. I feel like I bought ’em a month ago, and they’ve, they’re already too small. So we’re able to utilize that because, you know, and certainly in the first two years they grow so quickly.

[00:33:42] We say, Hey, we’ll, we’ll take those off your hands. And you can see how some parents do buy multiple sets of the same clothing, some don’t. So it’s kind of just luck of the draw. And when you have two t-shirts or two pants that. I have found in the laundry process, naturally you just stack them together.

[00:34:00] So when you go into the drawer or closet to find something, you, if you have multiples, they’re right next to each other and it’s just too easy to pull both of them down and say okay, you’re wearing this. So try not to do that on school days. The, the teachers still don’t like that .

[00:34:17] Yeah, I am glad you mentioned that.

[00:34:18] The local resources that you don’t have to buy everything new from the store. There’s plenty of consignment situations or, or multiple scripts where you can get stuff for free or discounted, heavily discounted. That’s, that’s

[00:34:29] a great resource. Absolutely. And we found that that translated into, I mean, yeah, not just clothing, but toys and equipment and then you, you go through the journey of, well, what do I really need?

[00:34:40] Two of what can I survive with? Just one of and that’s probably family dependent, but certainly while listening to this show as my wife was pregnant and after the boys were born, that was such a huge help. because you begin to see the similarities between yours and someone else’s situation and you’re like, oh, wow.

[00:35:01] Almost all of that father’s advice was, I mean, that was perfect for us. So that, that has been where we are now with with toys and, and other, you know, pieces of equipment. One

[00:35:12] thing, one thing I love as your kids get older and they can actually speak, you know, full sentences and stuff, is, is the nuance of, of their speech, of how they describe themselves.

[00:35:20] We were just talking about clothing right here, and they don’t say, I grew out of it, or it doesn’t fit me anymore. They say, it doesn’t fit us anymore. They say, we, we grew out of it. It’s like plural describing their, their. I thought that was always, that was always fascinating to me. The, the nuance of, of us versus I or, or we versus me.

[00:35:40] Truly a, a twin thing, which is, is is fun to watch as a parent.

[00:35:44] Oh, yeah. You can already tell you know, I get to see these twins every day and, and they’re a team. They, they have been together since birth. Now at times, if I have the ability on a weekend, I might ask my wife, Hey, you want to try that singleton life out for, you know, a couple of hours.

[00:36:00] How about I take one of the boys and we go run some errands and you keep one of the boys. And they’re always fine. But they’re just as happy to see one another when, when we get back. But that has been a, I think a twin parent hack is when you get to the, the point where you can split up. , and I have to be careful who I mention this around because you know, for a parents of a singleton, that is your heart, right?

[00:36:27] That’s difficult. It is. That’s all you’ve ever known. For us two is very hard, but for someone else, three is hard. However, when we only have that one child It is, you know, arguably and objectively it’s easier. So it we think it’s good one for us, but two for the, the boy to, you know, they’re able to go out and be an individual, which as we’ve heard from some grown twins, is just as important.

[00:36:52] And, you know, make sure you, you treat them like the individual person that they are cuz it is so easy to get carried away with this little team that you. .

[00:37:01] Yeah, that’s solid advice. Foster their individuality. Foster that one-on-one time between, you know, each of the parents with each of the kids, whatever amount of kids you have.

[00:37:09] When you have one less than that, it’s easier. So yeah, if you’ve got the twins, you only have one. It’s like, why is, why is life so easy? Oh, I only have to take care of one. If you got, if you got like five kids and you, and you only a four round, it’s like, Hey, this is super easy. What’s the big deal? It’s all relative to,

[00:37:24] to your experience.

[00:37:26] It is it 100%. And now that the boys are older we’ve been able to watch other twins be born into our community, which has been so fun. Very recently there were there’s a couple that had twins a little over a month ago, and the first time we saw these parents walking two infants we got so excited and tried to, you know, start a conversation.

[00:37:52] And they just weren’t there. They were still going through that zombie phase. And then the next time we met them, they were like, oh, wait, you have twins? And we, we struck up a conversation and my wife and I told ’em, you know, this isn’t a joke. We honestly have a hard time remembering the nuances of the first six months.

[00:38:10] Some people say one month, you know, three. For us, it was six that was just the pedal to the metal time period. And then we have another set of friends who

[00:38:21] had, multiples already you know, four and two year old. And then just had twins a few months ago and hearing their journey and their experiences having had a singleton, then multiples, but then having twins.

[00:38:35] It’s, it’s always nice to learn, oh wait, this is a, a difficult task. You know, it’s not just you. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last to go through this, and you will get through it. So we, we always love running into other twin parents.

[00:38:48] It’s fun to, to compare notes with other twin parents cuz you’re right, you’re not alone.

[00:38:51] It is hard no matter who you are, where you are and it’s good to know that it does get better over time once you get through that first year. For sure. So Rob, as we wrap up today, if listeners wanna connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

[00:39:05] Yeah, absolutely. I am on Facebook and it’s Rob Kaercher.

[00:39:12] K a e r c h e r. You know, easy, easy one. I’m the one with the twins in the, in the profile picture and also on Instagram. Same username. And really those are the two social media outlets I use the most.

[00:39:38] I’ll link up to those in the show notes for listeners if they wanna check those out. Rob, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

[00:39:44] Joe, thank you so much for having me on the show and doing what you do. It, it makes the journey for us new twin dads that much easier.

[00:39:52] So thank you. You’re.

[00:39:55] I hope you enjoy that chat with Rob about his adventures as a father of twins, as a stay-home dad of twins, some of the things that he’s learned along the way of his journey. Again, if you wanna connect with Rob, I’ll link up to his contact information in the show notes for this episode.

[00:40:08] You can find all the past podcast episodes as well as this one at twindadpodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Rob did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me. Email Joe@dadsguidetotwins.com or on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe, and I would love to hear from you.

[00:40:26] Today’s show is brought to you by my book, Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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Will your twins personalities be totally similar? Or very different?

From the outside, everybody assumes twins are the same in everything.

The truth is, it’s the exact opposite.

From my experience as a father of twins and talking to many other twin parents, I would say that close to nine out of 10 sets of twins are complete opposite personalities.

Twins are very distinct and different individuals. Only in a very small percentage of times are the twins very similar. This is the same whether you have two girls, two boys, or boy/girl twins. The odds are your twins are going to have very different and distinct personalities.

It All Starts in the WombYou will start to notice this during the twin pregnancy. Ask mom how she feels the different babies inside her.

• Is one baby more active than the other?
• Is one baby always kicking and pushing and the other one is kind of still?
• Are they both fighting all the time?

These observations will give you a hint of the personalities that they will have after birth.

I know with our girls, one of our girls was very active in utero, always in motion and the other twin, not so much. And turns out when they were born, that same pattern continued where one was a lot more active and always moving and the other was a little more still.

So you may see the same pattern with your twins during the pregnancy. Think of it as kind of a preview of the type of twins that you’re going to get.

Always DifferentA beautiful thing about twins is that even if they’re identical twins, they’re going to be different.

Even if they share a lot of similar personality traits, they’re still going to be different enough that you can tell them apart by their mannerisms, movements, and speech.

Subtle differences like these will shine out to you as a parent of identical twins. The truth is the personalities of your twins are going to be different and unique. While your twins may share a lot in common (like similar interests), there’ll always be some differences between the two of them.

I mentioned at the beginning, a very small percentage of twins are going to be almost identical in their personalities. But that’s not uncommon and your twins may be that way as well.

An interesting thing that I’ve observed with our twins, particularly when they were younger, is that they would switch personalities. For example, you get used to one twin being more vocal, outgoing, or active and the other twin being kind of more docile. And then before you know it, they’ll switch.

Or you may get used to one twin, who’s good eater, eats anything you put in front of her and the other twin is a picky eater and then you know, after a week of that they’ll switch.

Personalities can be fluid as your twins are growing up. So look for that, as you experience life with your twins.

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In this article, I’ll share examples from several twin parents about their experiences during delivery.

It’s important to note that not all moms will go into labor when delivering twins. The majority of twin deliveries are performed via a cesarean section. This can be scheduled by 38 weeks of the twin pregnancy or earlier if there are any challenges or issues with the babies.

However, some moms may go into labor and then end up having a C-section. Here are some specific examples of what to expect during a twin delivery:

• Joanna had an hour and a half of labor from the time her water broke to delivery.
• Abby had over 50 hours of labor for her twins born at 39 weeks.
• Nikki had 40 hours of labor for her twins’ delivery
• Samantha had less than three hours of labor, with her twins being born just two hours after her water broke.
• Lucy had a slow labor of 23 hours.
• Cindy had 18 hours of labor. They ended up having a C-section as Cindy never dilated enough.
• Eric’s twins were delivered via C-section after Mom’s water broke at 2 am, and the twins were born at 6:30 am.

In some cases, complications may arise and a vaginal delivery may not be possible. The twins are monitored during labor for their heartbeats and if there’s any sign of danger, a C-section may be performed.

• Shannon had 10 hours of labor at 38 weeks and delivered her twins 14 minutes apart.
• Brittany had a seven-hour induction with 15 minutes of pushing.
• Linda had a natural delivery after five and a half hours.

Labor during twin delivery can be short and quick or take several days. Some moms may start with labor and end with a vaginal delivery, while others may start with labor and end with a C-section. The most important thing is to have a healthy delivery for both the twins and the mom.

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Episode 285 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show NotesToday we continue our father of twins interview series with Tyler Chesser, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Early twin delivery after Mom’s water broke at 32 weeks
• Twins’ time in the NICU before coming home
• Adjusting to life with twins
• Different twin personalities from the beginning
• Breastfeeding twins – what worked and what didn’t
• Day in the life of 13-month old twins
• When twins crawl in different ways
• Balancing being a business owner and sleepless nights
• Finding a nanny for the twins
• Looking at life with gratitude

Connect with Tyler via his Elevate Podcast or Real Estate Investing Firm.

Podcast TranscriptThis is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

[00:00:00] Today we are continuing our Father of Twins interview series with a father of boy/girl twins who just turned one year old. Additional proof that yes, you can survive the first year with twins. Welcome to the Dad Guide to Twins Podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins.

[00:00:19] Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Hey everybody. This is Joe Rawlinson. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. As always, you can find me online at dadsguidetotwins.com. Today we are having another chat with a fellow father of twins. But before we jump into that interview, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com.

[00:00:43] Where you’ll find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for you parents of twins. We have t-shirts for moms, dads, and the twins themselves. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com. Today I’d like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Tyler Chesser. Welcome to the show. Tyler. Joe, thank you so much for having me.

[00:01:01] Great to be here with you. Tyler. How old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? So they’re a little over a year. In fact, in a few days they’ll be, I guess, 13 months. And man, this, this age is really fun and exciting because every single day is they’re doing something new.

[00:01:18] And I know that it seems like that’s been the experience over the past almost 13 months. But, you know, now they’re, they’re just so curious and, you know, so full of energy. Getting into everything. They’re, they’re crawling around. So my son is crawling around. My daughter is scooting on her butt, you know, everywhere.

[00:01:32] It’s, it’s just funny to see the differences in their personalities and approach and, and growth, but they’re into everything. Like my, my son is, you know, currently he’s into carrying around his you know, a bottle of lotion everywhere he goes. And that’s the coolest thing in the world. And then my daughter in particular loves to.

[00:01:50] Move from one piece of furniture to the next. She’s, you know, holding onto everything to stand up, and then she’s moving onto the next and she just thinks it’s the funniest thing and greatest thing ever. And, you know, all the dances, dance moves and silliness and goofiness. So, you know, there’s, there’s a lot of fun things that are going on right now, but we’re, we’re certainly en enjoy enjoying the journey.

[00:02:09] That’s fantastic. Yeah. It’s fun to watch the little milestones, see how they’re progressing and growing and even how they’re very different. Like you mentioned, one’s a a scooter and the other one’s a crawler. Both of our girls were bump scooters. I think one of ’em figured it out first and then the other one just kind of followed.

[00:02:25] So who, who figured out what first between your son and daughter who figured out the crawling first? So my daughter, or I’m sorry, my son figured out crawling pretty early on, a few months back and we were surprised that our daughter didn’t pick it up soon thereafter, cuz you’d think that, well, they’re gonna watch each other and they’re just gonna, you know, pick up all these skills, you know, just simultaneously.

[00:02:45] And she still has never crawled. I don’t, we don’t really think that she will, we think that she’s just gonna go straight. To walking. We’re thinking that that may happen at any time soon. But he has been like all over the place and just super rambunctious, starting to climb on stuff. And, you know, she, she kind of watches and you know, a little bit, but she’s not, you know, she’s not in trying to do that herself, which is pretty interesting.

[00:03:07] Yeah. Our girls, they scooted on their bums and they never crawled in a traditional sense, so they went straight from that to crawl, to walking like, like you might see with your daughter too. So, It’s always fun because that was different than our, our singleton boys who just crawled, you know, normal army crawl.

[00:03:20] Mm-hmm. . So I don’t know where they learned it. They just figured something out and res row and just ran with it. So , it is funny to see the difference in the personality just blows me away too. I mean, they couldn’t be more different. My son is just, you know, he doesn’t need to think about what he’s going into.

[00:03:36] He just goes, and my daughter is like, let me watch and see, let me strategize, let me think about this. And it’s just the total difference in personality, which is a beautiful. How early did you notice that difference in their personalities? You know, very early. It’s actually really interesting because when they were born, and as I’ve shared, you know, already, it’s a, it’s a boy and a girl and we, we, we noticed it very early on that she was very feminine.

[00:04:00] and he was kind of more masculine, if that makes sense. You know, just more kind of rambunctious and more just like a boy really from day one. And it was interesting because how could you know that, you know, from premature twins but it was almost like we could just feel it and just the way that they interacted, you know, she was just a little bit more dainty and soft and, and you know, like a little princess that she is.

[00:04:21] He’s just like, man, let’s, let’s go, let’s party, let’s you know, let’s get into it. So we noticed that really, really early on, and that personality has held true over the past almost 13 months. We noticed, at least my wife noticed, even when they were still during the pregnancy, like one of our girls was more active, bouncing around, moving in utero than the other.

[00:04:41] And that kind of held true after birth as well. Well, same here actually. So our son, he, he, so in my wife’s stomach , he, his butt was in the air. Just, I mean, like, you could see it just a big lump in her stomach. And it was like, you know, just pushing out and just moving all over the place. And our daughter just, she stayed still.

[00:04:58] She was, you know, un she was on bottom and, you know, totally just like, I’m ready to go. I gotta get in position. I’ve been very thoughtful about this. And he was just like, rambunctious in the womb, which was super interesting. So I had not thought of that until you brought that up. I thought it was very interesting, like it’s consistent.

[00:05:16] It’s not like they just change once they’re born. They were doing that, they were getting ready in utero. They gave us a hint. We didn’t know at the time that that’s what it was a hint of, but turns out that’s how it played out. So now that they’re 13 months, what’s a typical day in the life schedule? Like as far as eating, sleeping, all that kind of stuff?

[00:05:31] Yeah, so I’ll start with kind of the night before, cuz obviously as, as you know, and we all know, I mean, we learn, you know, whether it’s the easy way or the hard way, that it all starts with sleep. And, you know, thankfully we’re on a, a really good schedule now. They go to bed around between seven and seven 30 every night.

[00:05:48] and we have a little bit of a, a routine to kind of get there. I mean, it’s a, it’s bath and it’s they’re still breastfeeding now and, and we’re starting that kind of weaning off part of that process. So, you know, they’re, they’re starting to eat food as well, but I’m kind of jumping around. But they will get a bath, they’ll have their kind of last meal of the day, and then we’ll do a little book reading.

[00:06:08] We read three to four books, you know, quickly there for, you know, five to 10 minutes or so. and then we lay ’em down. They go down around seven 30 or so, and they typically sleep about 12 to 13 hours, depending on, you know, the night. And so they’re up the next morning around 7:30 – 8:00 or so. And you know, from there it’s, you know, the day begins.

[00:06:31] It’s you know, diaper change and it’s their first meal and then it’s play. And lots of playtime there. And, you know, there’s, they’re into everything, like I said. And you know, they’re playing with toys, they’re reading books. They’re walking around with, you know, certain things that can hold ’em up, you know, whether it’s a, a little car or, you know, a train or other things that they can push around.

[00:06:53] So they’re doing all that kind of stuff. And then their first nap is probably about an hour and a half, two hours after they wake up in the morning. So they have a first nap. And then they, after they wake up from their second nap, it’s diaper change, it’s feed, all that kind of stuff. And you know, I think that that second nap, from what I understand from the more wise twin fathers will be going away here soon.

[00:07:14] But currently we’re still on that second nap. And generally their naps are about an hour each. You know, for the first and second nap of the day and thereafter they’re up and playing and eating and doing the whole thing. And again, you know, really kind of ends at the, the, the night there at around 7, 7 30.

[00:07:29] So that’s generally what the days look like today. But we’ve gotten to a point now where they’re eating meals about three times a day. Literally like real food. And so that’s been a fun new part of this journey as. That’s great. Are, do you have any trouble getting them down to sleep for naps or are they in a good routine?

[00:07:45] It just depends. For the most part, I’d say 90 to 95% of the time, no. Because they’re, they’re generally ready to go down. But if they’re not feeling well, there’s times where we have to rock ’em a little bit more. There’s certainly times where, you know, like over the weekend I was actually out of town on a business trip and my wife let me know that our daughter.

[00:08:03] You know, a couple times on Saturday night, and she had a little bit rougher of a time the night before. And so, you know, it doesn’t, it’s never a hundred percent perfect. There’s, you know, they’re, they’re not machines of course, and it doesn’t always work like clockwork, but I’d say 90 to 95% of the time they’re on a great routine and schedule.

[00:08:19] And I think that they really enjoy that and appreciate that. It gives them the boundaries that they need to then be creative and curious and all the beautiful things that little human beings. But in general, they’re pretty ready. I mean, you can start to see the, the tired cues, whether it’s for nap or sleep, you know, bedtime.

[00:08:36] And once we start to see that, I mean, it’s generally on par with the schedule, but we try to make sure we pay attention to that. . That’s good. Yeah. You’re, you’re constantly as an a parent kind of adapting, like, is this still working? Yes. Okay. Keep doing that. Is it, is it not working? Okay. What are we gonna try next?

[00:08:53] See if something else works for sure. Exactly. We had a it was a Saturday and they were giving us sleep cues pretty early in the day, and it was like, man, they were starting to get a little bit more fussy than normal. And we said, you know what? Maybe they’re just really tired and they went down at 6:00 PM and slept until.

[00:09:08] AM the next morning, and it was like they just needed it. They didn’t make a peep, you know, that night. So, you know, we, we certainly pay attention to that. What’s their, what’s their bedroom arrangement like? Are they in the same room together? They’re in the same room. They both have their own crib next to each other.

[00:09:21] It’s almost, it’s kind of like perpendicular. They can see each other, but they’re not like side by side where they’re parallel. But they sleep in the same bedroom. And, you know, at one point we were thinking, oh, , you know what’s gonna happen if, you know, one wakes the other up, maybe one’s a little more fussy than the other.

[00:09:36] And you know, from time to time they can wake each other up. But it is pretty remarkable how they can sleep through the other’s crying. You know, pretty tremendously. It’s almost like if you lived in a house near a train station, you know, for a few days you hear it and it’s like, man, this is crazy.

[00:09:52] And then over time you don’t hear it ever. And maybe that’s what, how they’ve adapted with each other. Yeah, we were surprised by that too. They would ignore each other’s noises, their cries. Eventually they got to a age where they would wanna play with each other and keep each other awake. So I don’t know if you’ve come across that problem yet.

[00:10:10] Thankfully not. You know, it’s actually been interesting on the playing with each other because we thought that like as soon as they were not like, you know, just pure newborn infants, that they would just be all day, every day. Just like, oh, best friends playing with each other. And you know, it’s been really interesting.

[00:10:26] It’s gradually grown and increased in terms of their recognition of each other. But they have not been like total buddy buddies. They almost. . It’s like they almost don’t even realize that the other one is there completely. Because maybe they’re just so used to each other. So they haven’t yet done that, but they’re starting to do it more and more where they’re, you know, they’ll give each other hugs or, you know, touch each other and kind of laugh at each other.

[00:10:48] But that’s, that has been one that has been pretty surprising and, and interesting. I’m sure it’ll, it’ll change, you know, over this next year dramatically. But that’ll, that’s been kind of a, an interesting observation that we’ve have over this first. , you mentioned that they’re still breastfeeding. What has that journey been like as far as your wife or how you’ve been able to help and the kids’ response to that?

[00:11:08] So that has been a, an amazing journey. First of all, big shout out to my wife for committing to that, and that was something that was important to both of us. And, you know, we, we looked into the, the science of how, how powerful breastfeeding can be for your children. And, you know, of course not everybody’s blessed to be able to do this, especially for over a year.

[00:11:27] But early on, you know, it was a bit of a challenge just because our kids came early and they came at 33 weeks. And of course just the prematurity you know, made it challenging for them to eat orally immediately. And obviously being in the NICU, there was a point in time where they were feeding via the tube for you know, two, two and a half, three weeks.

[00:11:46] And as we started to kind of work with a, a lactation consultant to. Help, you know, latch on and, and, and learn that whole process. You know, it’s a, it’s a process for mom and babies to, to understand really how that works. I mean, there’s a lot of natural instincts involved. But our daughter, we had to get she had a, a bit of a tongue tie.

[00:12:05] We had to get that lasered early on when she got that laser taken care of. She, she really. Brought was brought up to speed very quickly in terms of her ability to, to feed at the breast. And my son, he was, he was always really adept to be able to breastfeed from, from a very, very early time. And so during that first, you know, those first few weeks in the NICU, There was a big learning curve for my wife and we had a lot of support from the lactation consultants and the nurses.

[00:12:33] And then when we came home, there was a little bit of a regression in some ways, and we had another lactation consultant come to our house to help out. And there was, you know, some new techniques that we were. We, we were you know, learned or we learned through that process and that was super, super helpful.

[00:12:49] So, you know, it’s just, it’s, it’s really become second nature at this point. And you know, the big challenge now is to kind of wean off of that effectively and appropriately. So that’s kind of the, the stage that we’re at now. Yeah, our girls were tongue tied too. They had to have a little procedure and it was frustrating for us cuz we, they just couldn’t get a latch.

[00:13:08] We didn’t know what was going on. And then it’s like, oh, by the way, they have this physical thing wrong with their mouth that they, it’s so we’re like, oh, well that’s what it was. I know. Yeah. It was a, it was an interesting realization when that happened. It was just almost immediate that she, you know, she really caught on very quickly.

[00:13:24] Okay. So you mentioned premature babies and stuff. So let’s rewind back to when during the pregnancy, like when you, you found out you were having twins. You know, what was your reaction in your situation like at that time? So, it’s so interesting because when we found out we were pregnant, you know, of course my wife did the whole thing where she got me a book that, you know, was basically a baby book and said, you know, I love you daddy.

[00:13:43] And I remember seeing, I was like, oh, I was in shock that we were pregnant. And of course at that time we didn’t know that it would be twins and, you know, it was, it was a great, joyful experience that we share with all of our, our family that we were pregnant. and we actually had a little bit of travel in the middle of that, between that time of learning our pregnancy to our 20 week ultrasound.

[00:14:04] And during that time, you know, we were kind of just having conversations, just being so excited about being pregnant. And my wife had always talked about. How she knew she was gonna have twins. She just knew it. She was certain that we were gonna have twins and our, our, our pregnancy was natural and there was really no reason for us to think that we would, other than just this feeling that she had her whole life, that she was always gonna have twins.

[00:14:28] And so I remember we were coming back from a, we were actually on a vacation. We were coming back and we were, it was the day before our 20 week ultrasound, and she said, you know what, tomorrow is where we find out if there’s two in. . And it was funny we were having this conversation because, you know, again, it was almost like I remember having this conversation being like, you know what?

[00:14:46] That would be really surprising, but for some reason I wouldn’t be shocked. And so we get back in town and we go to the doctor the next day to do the ultrasound, and immediately she says, There’s two in there and we just look at each other and just start cracking up laughing cuz it’s like, are you kidding me?

[00:15:03] How is this actually coming to be our reality? And so obviously that was a very, very joyful day and we shared with all our family members, and by the way, it’s exciting to tell your family that you’re pregnant, but it’s way more over the top, like unbelievable to tell your family that you’re having twins.

[00:15:18] Like people were just like, our family members were absolutely blown away. . And that was really, really fun experience. I mean, people were like, jaw dropped. You know, and it’s, it’s a, it’s, you know, we’re all living in this twin world now, and it’s us, it’s second nature. But before that, you know, it’s, it’s a very shocking type of thing.

[00:15:34] But we were very excited and moving along through the pregnancy, she had a great pregnancy. It was like, you know, she was really active and things were going well. She felt good. There were certainly times where she was feeling, you know, nauseous and, and things like that. And just going through that.

[00:15:49] Experience. But then when we reached third trimester, started to get a little bit more challenging. She started to get a little bit more limited in her mobi, mobility and energy levels and things like that. As, as you can all, as we can all understand as, as dads, you know, it’s you know, you try to empathize and support as much as you can.

[00:16:05] But things were going really well by the way. We were actually due on 2 22 22 with twins on a Tuesday. And we were like, oh my gosh. Like this is divine intervention. Like it’s going to happen. We’re going to have these kids on 2 22 22. And so that was, you know, really the intention and, and really, you know, we were excited about that.

[00:16:24] Cause that was like, wow, this is so amazing and remarkable. And ultimately as we kind of got closer to that date, you know, things were still going really well. She came home from work one night and she was like, you know, just not really feeling great, you know, not feeling my best. And, and she had taken her shoes off and I’m like, man, your feet are really swollen.

[00:16:43] Like, I think you should sit down and kind of. Lay your feet up or, and put ’em on the ottoman or something. And so we sat there, we’re watching a basketball game, and I actually had a business trip the next day that I was going on, and I was gonna be gone for a week. And she was getting pretty anxious about that.

[00:16:57] And she was actually getting pretty emotional about it. And I kind of chalked it up to, hey, she’s, she’s going through, you know, all of the, the hormones of being in this part of the pregnancy. And I totally understand that. And, you know, I, I was feeling a little bit anxious, believe it or not you know, to go on this trip as well.

[00:17:12] Just because leaving her for a week, you know, during that stage of the pregnancy was risky. And I was, but I was also very hopeful and, and optimistic that things would, would play out and work out and you know, we would just go forward to this 2 22 22 date. And as we sat there, you know, we’re sitting there watching the basketball game.

[00:17:31] And all of a sudden she’s like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I’m like, my, I’m wet. Like, what? What’s going on? And so I look over and she stands up and like she’s pouring water. It’s like her water had broken and we’re like, oh my goodness. This was the day of our 32nd week. And it was like out of the middle of nowhere.

[00:17:49] Cause we had this perfect pregnancy, it was, everything was going well, and all of a sudden her water breaks. And I’m looking at her like, whoa, what? Like I wasn’t anticipating this, you know? And so, but it’s like, okay, let’s stay calm. You know? You never know. But at the same time, every time I’ve heard of someone’s water breaking, I’m thinking, look, we’re having babies now.

[00:18:07] Like this is happening and. So we get our stuff and we go to the hospital. And of course, you know, she and I are both kind of, you know, shook, shook from this experience you know, at that point in time. And so we get to the hospital. And we get checked in and we’re, I guess we’re in the antipartum, I believe is where we arrived.

[00:18:24] I, you know, you’ll have to forgive me cause some of this stuff is kind of running together, but as we get there, you know, they’re checking her and they’re like, you know, you’re, you’re a little bit dilated. Your water has broken. But we’re gonna, you know, we’re gonna check you in and, you know, it could either be tonight or it could be weeks from now when you have these babies.

[00:18:39] And we’re like, what do you mean? Like, how could this be weeks from now? And so what had happened? Our son, he was placing so much pressure on our daughter that her her sack broke and it was leaking fluid. But they could still remain in the womb. And that’s the doctors recommended if we’re able to, to keep the babies in the womb as much as possible.

[00:18:59] Because there’s, you know, the stage of development was so critical at that point in time. And so at that point we said, okay, well, you know, here’s where we are. And she was admitted to the hospital and stayed on bedrest. And we’re thinking, all right, 2 22 22. Like, we’re gonna be in here for however long we need to be to get there.

[00:19:15] And you know, a few days pass and. You know, we get our ultrasounds and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, the goal of the day from the nurse was, Hey, stay pregnant today. And as we con continue to go through you know, I would go up there during the day and work from the hospital and, you know, support her and be a part of those ultrasounds and things like that.

[00:19:34] And, you know, things were going well, and as we continued forward, it was like, all right, let’s just, our goal is another day. And as we got closer, it was like, wow, you know, we got feedback from some of the doctors that, hey, it’s pretty unlikely that you’re gonna make it to 2 20, 2 22, but you never know how long you can make it.

[00:19:50] So then we’re like, how about 2, 2 22? And you know, so as we continued forward one day, actually one week later, she ultimately went into labor and the babies came. So they came at 33 weeks. So anyway, that’s my long story of our entire pregnancy, experience. Ending with a surprise there for sure. Wow.

[00:20:11] So you, so you had to, I mean, you both had jobs, business stuff you had to immediately rearrange cuz the twins came way early. Right? Tell us about that. Yeah. Yeah. So I was, believe it or not, I had two conferences that I was attending. Within a one week period I was gonna be heading out to Utah and then from Utah to Florida and then back home.

[00:20:30] And ultimately I canceled my attendance at both of those conferences Immediate. My wife Katie, is a nurse practitioner, so she immediately notified her work that she was no longer going to be, you know, obviously be able to attend work until until the babies came, until, you know, thereafter. And so she was able to attend to those fairs and her, her work was super supportive of her and, you know, that unexpected timing of that experience.

[00:20:56] In terms of my work, I’m an entrepreneur, a real estate investor, and we run a, a private equity real estate company. And so we invest in large multi-family communities across the region and Midwest and Southeast. And so my company and, and my, my efforts, you know, really are not necessarily paused during this type of experience.

[00:21:14] And so, you know, it was just, Hey, let’s just figure it out. Roll with the punches. I mean, that’s half the battle being an entrepreneur, but. In this type of experience with twins in a twin pregnancy, it’s, it’s totally unpredictable. And during this period it was like, Hey, look, this, this is what it is. This is the highest priority, so let’s just figure it out.

[00:21:32] And my partners and and colleagues have been super supportive of me throughout this entire experience. But, you know, it was just letting everyone know, Hey, here’s what’s going on. And, and most people were super excited to hear what was going on in my life. So that was, it was fun to just have that level of support in business, personal life, and and so on and so forth.

[00:21:51] That’s good that you had some flexibility there. Usually twins are, is kind of like the, I win the win I win card, right? You’re like, Hey, I got twins. They’re like, oh, okay. Glad it’s you on me. Yeah, whatever you need. We’ll give you a break. We’ll reschedule stuff like that. So, So true, so true. And it was fun to just have everybody really supporting you and just be pull in for you.

[00:22:10] But you know, that just the unpredictability of it, that was almost the first lesson of being a dad of twins is that like, Hey, your plan of 2 22 22, it’s really cute and nice and it fits in this really awesome box, but like, how about this way better experience and like surprising experience that like you’re not in control.

[00:22:28] but you’re just gonna have to adapt and evolve and roll with the punches. That was like the first great lesson of this entire experience. Yeah. You got it really soon, really early. So tell us about the birth. Was it you said your wife went into labor. Did it end up with c-section vaginal birth? How did that play out?

[00:22:44] Yeah, so she went into labor and it was a, it was a C-section and we’re, we’re very thankful that it was, that was, she made that decision. It was kind of on her heart that week between 32 and 33. She had always wanted to, to do a vaginal birth. But that week when everything had gone down and just consulting with our doctors, she decided and we collectively decided based on, you know, all of these different factors that the c-section was the most app.

[00:23:09] You know, approach just because of how our son was laying. He was kind of laying perpendicular in her stomach and, and our daughter was and I, I forget the, the, the medical terminology of, of the, the positions that they were laying. But it just made more sense for us because there, there was a possibility that.

[00:23:25] Our daughter would’ve been born naturally or vaginally, and then they still would’ve had to do a c-section. It would’ve just been a, a big, big challenge. So yeah, the birth was great and our daughter came out first and about a minute later then our son came out and we couldn’t have been more, you know, excited and thankful and, you know, still naive at that point in time.

[00:23:44] But you know, a, an amazing, amazing birth experience. You mentioned some time in the NICU, so did they take the babies away right away? Was there immediate issues that they had to take? So they were actually doing well. They didn’t have like any oxygen issues or any really issues other than just being premature.

[00:24:01] At least at that time. There were some minor complications that we did experience, but we did go immediately myself and the two babies to the NICU there right after the birth. And I kind of. You know, went with them and got ’em all, you know, was there for them to get checked in and all the nurses to kind of hook ’em up and do all that kind of stuff.

[00:24:19] So that was quite a whirlwind of an experience and you know, again, I had no idea what to expect there after, you know, for the next month or so. But my expectation was, Hey, you know, we’re gonna be in here for a few days and, you know, everything’s gonna be great. And it, you know, it was a very, very long and trying and challenging next month that we had to experience there in the NICU.

[00:24:39] It’s, it’s a grind, but that’s, that’s kind of how, how it started. Were you always expecting like, okay, tomorrow’s the day, or was there, did the medical staff say, okay, that’s not really gonna happen? So we had, we actually had a meeting with one of the NICU docs before we gave birth, and this is when our thoughts were, Hey, 2 20, 2 22, like that’s, you know, it was a few weeks away.

[00:25:01] And you know, then we started to revise our thoughts to 2, 2 22. Just because that was a still a, a pretty interesting date for twins to be born. And we still had, we had a doctor come into to our room and talk to us about NICU and he was very, very detailed and, and helpful and understand helping us understand what a NICU experience would look like.

[00:25:20] And we still thought, Hey, that’s not gonna happen to us. You know, we’re, we’re not gonna go to NICU because we’ve had. Pregnancy. Just because we’re on bedrest doesn’t mean we’re now gonna give birth to these babies. Cuz that shocking water breaking experience to them being educated that hey, they’re not necessarily coming right now, was quite a chasm to cross.

[00:25:39] And once we recognize that, we’re thinking, okay, well let’s remain committed to, you know, keeping those babies in the womb as long as possible. And so we, we listened intently and we, we learned about what we could expect with birth or a NICU experience and, you know, with a premature set of babies, but we didn’t really internalize it, I think, and when the babies did officially come at 33 weeks at that point, then it was okay.

[00:26:03] You know, the, the. Expectation is that you will then take the babies home when they’re about 38 weeks gestational age or closer to their due date. And so that almost felt like, well, but maybe that’s how it works for most people, but probably not us. You know, it’s cuz we, we just had this positive thought process that, you know, hey, it’s, it’s, you know, they’re, they’re giving us a, they’re trying to over or underpromise over-deliver, kind of.

[00:26:28] And as we got closer and closer, you know, a couple weeks in we’re thinking, all right, well maybe we’re getting close. Cuz you know, they’re not having any medical complications. You know, I get it. They’re telling most people that. But you know, as the weeks kind of, the days kind of led on, we’re thinking, wait a minute, this, this really might.

[00:26:44] End up being closer to their due date before we get home. And it was a very long experience. I mean, because you know, I’m managing the business, you know, she’s breastfeeding, going back and forth from home to the hospital. Of course she’s got postpartum, you know, all of the experience there. You know, obviously all this surgery, you know, tongue ties, babies, you know, just that whole experience is a very emotion.

[00:27:07] Experience and very challenging just from a practical perspective, but also an emotional perspective. So it was it was a grind, big time grind and something that I don’t think anybody can really be prepared for. But I mean, this podcast is probably helpful in your books are helpful because it is helpful to just understand that that is a possibility.

[00:27:24] But you know, I think just being prepared for anything is one of the biggest lessons that, that I learned through that experience. So it sounds like they didn’t. Serious complications. They just needed more time to just to grow, to be kind of self-sufficient so that they can be released into the wild, as it were.

[00:27:43] Yeah, it was, the big thing was, you know, feeding orally because from what we understood, premature babies are just, there weren’t developed to a point where they could really. Feed orally so that they could properly develop, you know, their, their lungs, their brains, all the different organs. And so there was, there was a part of the process that, you know, obviously a mom’s body is optimal for in terms of that type of development.

[00:28:05] And so, you know, looking back, it’s, it’s important to have the expectation and set the, and have the understanding that, you know, the hospital has your best interest at heart. But there was a point in time where it felt. Man, it’s almost like we gotta check the box so we can get outta here. They gotta feed for this amount of time or these, this many times for, for this length of a time before we can actually get outta here.

[00:28:26] Cause we felt like they were ready to go, but, you know, we’re, we’re not the the professionals in this sense. So, you know, it was, it was quite the experience. So as, as the dad, how, like, how much time were you able to spend with them on any given day when they were in the. So I would typically, as the dad, I would go up there in the morning and in the evenings and like every day.

[00:28:47] And my wife was typically there all day. Like we, we would go up in the morning together. She would stay until the evening time and, and I would go up. She would typically go home and, and I’d be there and I’d do like skin to skin in the very early times when I could and, you know, help feed with the bottles or, or do baths you know, with the nurse or, or with, with my wife.

[00:29:07] And so yeah, it was, it was a lot. I mean, going back and forth to hospital, hospital is about 20 minutes or so from our house. So, I mean, you know, you’re doing a couple trips, that’s a 40 minute round trip plus how long you’re gonna be there and you know, you still have other responsibilities whether.

[00:29:20] You know, taking care of the dog or the cat at home and you know, all the other responsibilities and, you know, in professional sense as well. So it was, it was definitely a lot to handle for both of us, but of course more for my wife. But that was really my involvement through the NICU process and really being there as much as I could when the doctors were going to, to come and give us an update on what they’re seeing from that day in terms of their growth and, you know you know, just their evaluation.

[00:29:44] That was important. And it was just a, a constant, a constant communication. Were both of your children released at the same time or were they kind of staggered? Thankfully they were, and we understand that some and many have, you know, one baby come home before the other. And, and that I can imagine is a very big challenge just from a logistical and practical perspective and emotional.

[00:30:06] But both of ours were discharged on the same day. And I remember, you know, there were certainly certain boxes that, boxes that we needed to check for them to be able to do that. Not only the, the feeding issue that I just described. , but also the, you know, the, the car seat test. You know, whether or not they could hold their head up and, and breathe properly in the car seat without having any sort of oxygen concerns.

[00:30:26] And so we were very excited to kind of go through that process so that we could hopefully get ’em both home at the same time. But they both came home at the same time, same day. And how was your wife’s recovery from the C-section? It was good for the most part. I mean, it, you know I think it, I think I, from what I understand, she recovered as, as expected.

[00:30:46] I mean, you know, it was just a big time emotional experience for her. Just a postpartum and just dealing with all the practical. Sort of barriers that we went through. I think those were more significant than the recovery from a surgical perspective. But that was, you know, just another sort of part of it.

[00:31:03] But she really rose to the occasion. I mean, that was the, the cool thing to really watch from her was like, she was born to be a mom. She was born to be a mom of twins. And like, she just didn’t, she didn’t let that slow her down at all. And she just kept doing what was necessary to give them the, the, the nutrition, the care that they needed.

[00:31:21] And so it was almost. You’re probably sensing a little bit of, Hey, you know, do I recall much of the recovery from the C-section because I, I, I don’t recover or I don’t recall much because it really wasn’t a huge concern for us because it seemed to be going as well as it could have been, if that makes sense.

[00:31:38] That’s good. Yeah, that’s good. That was a good smooth recovery because cuz people hear about C-sections and they’re like, oh, they just, how they just live for the baby’s no big deal, but it’s like major abdominal surgery, you know? I mean, they’re literally cutting through multiple layers to get down to the babies and that can be a little overwhelming.

[00:31:53] Yeah, she certainly had some pain, you know, and, and you know, some of the things that we had to do and some of the challenges and barriers that she had to experience through that time was, you know, not only doing the breastfeeding, but when she was not near the babies. Like if we slept at home, which we would sleep at home.

[00:32:08] And then she’d go back in the morning. She still had to get up every couple hours and, and pump. And that was a challenge. And you know, going through the recovery while pumping with hospital grade pumps, you know, and experiencing engorgement issues and things like that. I mean, that was a huge challenge for her in terms of just that acclimation.

[00:32:28] So, you know, there was a lot going on and you know, again, like for all of us dads, all of us twin dads out there, it’s just like, just do our best to, you know, support and just try to empathize and understand. It’s not, it is much easier said than done. It’s much easier than being on a podcast and talking about it like this.

[00:32:44] But that’s all I tried to do. I’m sure I’ve failed in many regards. But that’s, you know, when I reflect back on that experience, it was. Just going back and forth and trying to make sure that you got the, the milk supply to where it needed to s you know, to support these babies was like a practical and logistical challenge, but one that, you know, we were able to overcome.

[00:33:06] How was your transition to life at home when you brought the babies home and cuz you, you were just getting used to life in the nicu right? And, and the logistics there. How was the switch back to home? Yeah. Cuz we went from zero to two, so we didn’t have any kids at the time and we went from zero to two.

[00:33:19] So we were diving into the deep end and while we were at the NICU, you know, we’re dealing with all these logistical challenges that I’ve explained and, you know, we’re, we’re almost kind of like easing into parent. , you know, because it’s like, well, you go home and it’s like they’re not there, you know? It’s like, but you feel like, well, we’re parents, but you know, but they’re not here with us at home.

[00:33:38] They’re not here with us in the real world and. As we finally did get released, and by the way, we learned that we were gonna get released like the day of that we did. And it was like, oh my gosh. So we then chose to sleep overnight at the hospital in one of the, the rooms there that they set aside to kind of get acclimated and, you know, the nurses to support us in terms of feeding overnight and all that kind of stuff.

[00:34:00] And that was, that was wild. I mean, we got like maybe 10 minutes of sleep that night. It was like insane cuz it felt like, you know, they were all right. The, the nurses back in, they’re ready to feed and you know, we’re doing bottles and all that kind of stuff. And so as we were going through that experience, then we got discharged.

[00:34:17] The next day we go home and it was like pouring down rain that day. It was cold, and we got home and we sat ’em in their, their car seats there on the, kind of the, the living room floor next to us in the, in like the kitchen area. And we like looked down and we’re like, Oh my gosh. Like, they’re here. You know, this is, this is wild.

[00:34:34] And so then it, like the madness truly began, you know, because the NICU experience had its own set of challenges and just, you know, obviously tremendous amount of joy and, and an amazing experience because you know, you’re doing your first bath and all of these things that, all these first, you know, the first clothes and all these things.

[00:34:52] And now that we came. . It was like the real, the real twin parenting experience then began and it was like, we gotta feed every two hours. And it’s not two hours from the end of the feeding, but it’s two hours from the beginning of the feeding and it’s like, oh my gosh. Like I guess the nurses really have gotten us on that schedule, which has been great.

[00:35:10] The nurses and the doctors and the whole staff and the NICU, and that was a helpful thing. But then it was, we were running it and, you know, it was just a tremendous you know, immersion of this like challenge and experience. Obviously it’s mixed with joy and love and immense, like unconditional love. But it was, it was a grind.

[00:35:26] And you know, that that first day and like the first week and really the first month was, you know, I’m sure we all say this, but just a blur beyond. Yes. Very, very blurry. Yeah. It’s like you bring the kids home and you’re like, uh oh I’m in charge now. Like, I have to make sure these kiddos survive. You know?

[00:35:44] I used to have the crutches of the nurses and the doctors at the hospital. It’s quite, it’s quite jarring. So was it just you and your wife, or did you have, you know, in-laws or grandparents come over to help? Yeah, we had grandparents, so both sides of the grandparents are in town and so we had a lot of help from them.

[00:35:59] You know, just in terms of, hey, like in that first little bit, like the first few weeks, it’s like, you know, we would have grandparents come over from time to time to, Hey, you guys sleep a little bit. Go, go have a nap, and we’ll, we’ll take over for the next few hours. Or we’ll help clean the house or we’ll help do some chores or, you know, we’ll bring over some, some meals and things like that.

[00:36:18] So that was super helpful in terms of that early part of the experience. And my wife took off her work. I think she was off for three and a half or four months or so. So she was, you know, fully immersed in you know, those, that ear those early days. And I was getting up with her every, you know, every night for really the first probably four or five, six months where we were getting up every few hours.

[00:36:42] And so that, that is something that obviously just, you know, it weighs on you after a a period of time. I mean, really do that for a week and it’s gonna weigh on you. You know, over time it’s like you almost feel like a zombie. And you know, that, that whole experience, I mean, just the support of family and close friends was really helpful.

[00:36:59] I continued to work throughout that entire experience just because as a business owner, it’s, it’s challenging to, to not do so. But it also gave me the flexibility to be present. You know, if I, if we were up all night, it’s like I could start my day kind of a little bit later. You know, I could work when it made sense too.

[00:37:16] So that was helpful. But then as my wife went back to work, she actually went back part-time instead of full-time. And so she’s only working a couple days a week and during those couple of days we have a nanny that comes over and, and helps. So it’s it’s a good balance for us. Now, tell us about finding a nanny and.

[00:37:33] How, how that process worked and how you found a good match for your family. So we are absolutely blessed with our nanny. She is unbelievable. We would’ve never exp, we would never have expected to, to find the nanny that we found. I mean, she’s just in perfect alignment with our values and, and just the type of children that we, we wanna raise and the love that we wanna show them.

[00:37:54] We found her I believe it was through care.com. And she was, you know, just an individual on there. And we, we had in interviewed three or four different candidates and we were actually planning on, on hiring another one. And some, somehow it just didn’t work out. There was some misalignment with expectations on, on either side, and I don’t remember exactly why.

[00:38:17] This other individual wasn’t the one that we were going after. But somehow it worked out that she was going to, to to work with us. And it’s just been a perfect match ever since. And, you know, we’ve, we actually have kind of treated this like we would a, a traditional employee or somebody that we really care for.

[00:38:34] It’s like, Hey, you know, here are our expectations and here’s what success would look like and, you know, to treat it professionally. And we ended up kind of, you know, meeting with her, you know, the first 30 days for 60 days, first 90 days to kind of look back and say, Hey, what’s working? What’s not working?

[00:38:50] And thankfully we’ve had all positive news with her. Hey, this is all going great. How can we even do better, you know, together? And how can we support their needs at this stage of their. and so while she’s been, you know, two to two and a half days a week, depending on the week it’s just been a perfect arrangement.

[00:39:07] So that’s kinda how we found her. But, you know, we’re, we’re definitely blessed and we’ve, we’ve seen others that have had, you know, less than optimal experiences. So we’re, we’re very grateful to, to have the experience that we have. Is the arrangement with a nanny, do you pay her by the hour? Is it like a monthly kind of salary?

[00:39:24] How’s. Yeah, we pay her by the hour and we do pay her weekly as well. And through care.com there is an arrangement where you pay, you know, withholding taxes and, and things like that. Local municipality taxes. So that’s all kind of taken out of the, the paycheck and, and arranged through the weekly paycheck.

[00:39:42] But we do pay her weekly and it is by the hour. And what we do is we have her, when she, when she arrives, we have like a, a sheet that basically gives us a tally and kind of a, a rundown of the day in terms of you know, bowel movements or, you know, did they pee and, and what were their feedings like and all that kind of stuff.

[00:40:00] But it also includes, hey, when did you arrive and, and when did you end? But typically the, the work time is the same hours, you know, each, each week. But it is paid by. That’s good. Yeah, I’ve heard, I mean, usually a nanny arrangement, it’s very customized to what you as the parents are looking for. So that’s great that you found a good match and it kind of works around the schedule that you have with, with your wife working part-time.

[00:40:21] So, It’s been great and she’s given us great suggestions on like development and things. Like, there was like one example we were asking her like, Hey, how can we do things better? And, and she was like, Hey, I, you know, I think they’re kind of getting bored with the toys that we have. And she suggested a, a company called Love, love Every, or Love Free, and I don’t know if you’ve heard of that, but it’s a, a company that, it’s kind of like a Montessori type of program where each month they send you like a box of.

[00:40:47] of, you know, certain toys and things that are perfect for that stage of the development. And it’s been great because, you know, it’s allowed us to really, you know, tap, tap in some sort of developmental science with where they are. And they’ve really enjoyed the curiosity of playing with those type of toys.

[00:41:03] And I don’t even know if you’ve really described ’em as toys, but that was just one example of like, The additional value that we receive beyond just, hey, like, be a babysitter for us. So mm-hmm. , I would challenge any of the dads to think about, you know, if you’re, if you’re going to utilize this type of resource in your family, you know, how can you, how can they also add value beyond just, you know, helping kind of support the, the day-to-day logistics?

[00:41:26] Yeah, actually talked with the dad, the founder of Love Every is a twin dad himself, so, oh, is he really? Yeah. So if listeners wanna go check out that interview with him, it’s back in the archives of the podcast. But yeah, it’s a kinda small world. There’s twin dads everywhere doing good stuff. Love it. So, Tyler, as you look back now on like this first 13 months with your twins, like what are, what are some other lessons learned or takeaways that, that if you had a friend who was gonna be having twins, what’s the one thing you’d say, Hey, don’t forget.

[00:41:54] I mean, the big thing is just living gratitude because you’ve been blessed beyond measure in terms of being a, a, a dad of twins because you could look at this and say, oh my gosh. Cuz I remember early on we were like, we’re having twins or, or we have twins. And people would say, oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry to hear that.

[00:42:10] Like, that’s awful. Like, that’s terrible. And so you could either look at it and say, Yeah, this is awful. And like I’m overwhelmed. Or you can be grateful and say, wow, what an amazing experience. And so that’s one of the things. And like I can’t say, Hey, I’m perfect at this, but if I were to give myself advice, it would be even in the times of like sleeplessness and like overwhelm, like kind of the feelings of overwhelm is to just be grateful and you know, try to live in the moment.

[00:42:37] Try to live day by day and just. Just be open to learning. I can say that, you know, one thing I’m really passionate about is just personal development and, you know, trying to be the best version of myself, but this is the best personal development journey I’ve ever been on, is going from no kids to two kids and just.

[00:42:55] Being humble and just like, Hey, you can read all the books and you should, by the way, you should read all the books. Like if you, if you get ’em, like get Joe’s books, like they’re great and they’re helpful because there’s strategies that work. You can model success and you can do the things that have worked for so many others instead of just figuring it all out.

[00:43:13] Like go out and do what already works and what people are telling you to do, and. Be flexible, be nimble, because your experience is going to be totally unique from anybody else’s. You know, I listened to a lot of these podcasts before our twins came, and I was like, oh, that’s a good idea. Like, that’s a unique experience.

[00:43:29] Like, I heard other people talking about their NICU journey and I never expected that it would happen to me. But then when it did, it was, oh, well, what, you know, what joy are should we be experiencing from this? Growth, you know, should we be experiencing from this? So those are just some of the advices that I might give to myself.

[00:43:45] But I think ultimately it’s just love your kids, love your wife, you know, give them the support they need and just try to, you know, listen and observe and just, you know, see what it is that they need. Because I think that’s what a dad is here to do. But a dad is also here to, you know, not only to kind of be in the, in the weeds or in the trenches, but also.

[00:44:03] Kind of think big for your family and think about how can we be strategic about where do we want to go? Like what type of life do we wanna live? And you know, thinking about, hey, well you know, what, what type of kids, you know, can we raise? And some of the things that I’ve realized is that. You know, it’s never gonna be, we’re not gonna create human beings.

[00:44:22] They are who they are and they are like, they’re their own unique person. So give them the opportunity of becoming that. And just like if they’re showing interest in serve something, let them go, let them explore that. And I’m, I’m still learning all this, but those are some of the pieces of advice that I might give myself or someone else.

[00:44:41] Well, that is great advice. That’s a great perspective to have. And. Living in, in gratitude, living in the moment, cherishing those moments we have with our kids and not, I love how what you said about they are individuals and they have their own personalities and quirks and everything and encouraging and help building them up in their strength.

[00:45:00] You know where they are. And that evolves over time. You know, when they’re really little, it’s very different than when they become teenagers, like, like I’ve got, but the principals are the same. Right? You’re still enjoying the journey, loving them, taking care of ’em, and helping them along that path to whatever they turn out to be.

[00:45:15] You know, they’re not gonna necessarily end up like me or, or, or my wife, right? I know, and my, my wife and I think I, I think we’ve done a pretty good job of this, but it’s been something that we’ve been intentional on is, is just creating a family culture of like, you know, for us it’s, it’s all about love.

[00:45:30] It’s all about adventure, curiosity, and strength and, and respecting yourself. And so we’ve, we’ve developed principles that we think are important for any human being to integrate within their own life, especially our family. But that allows them to, Anybody that they want to be, but also follow timeless wisdom.

[00:45:48] And so we’ve, we’ve been sort of intentional about designing a family culture and, you know, core values and, you know, a bigger picture of the mission of that our, that our family family’s on. And so whatever type of individuals our kids become, You know, they can align with timeless wisdom. And so that’s, that’s another thing that we’ve been thoughtful about creating.

[00:46:07] And so we’re, we’re trying to, you know, be intentional about creating that in our day-to-day life as they grow up too. That’s a fantastic approach. I love that. So, Tyler, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you or learn more about what you’re working on, how can they reach out? Well, Joe this has been super fun.

[00:46:20] Thank you so much for having me. I’m, I’m also a podcaster. I, I have a podcast, it’s called Elevate Podcast, and it’s all about mindset, mind expansion, and personal development for high performing real estate investors. So if any of your listeners are a real estate investor or somebody that wants to get involved in real estate, you can check that out on anywhere that they listen to podcasts, whether it’s Apple, Spotify, you name it all over the place.

[00:46:41] So you can check that out. If you’re a podcast listener, you might enjoy that. We talked to pretty interesting people, whether they’re in real estate or outside of real estate. And really it kind of comes down to thinking big and expanding your horizons and, and elevating your lifestyle and performance.

[00:46:54] So that’s really what that podcast is all about. So people can check that out. Or my company is CF Capital. So we’re a private equity real estate investment firm. We invest in multi-family communities across the Midwest and Southeast. If your listeners are interested in learning more, They can just go to cfcapllc.com.

[00:47:11] Of course, I build long-term relationships with our investors and partners and really that’s what it’s all about. And it’s all about the long-term and thinking big. So yeah, that’s that’s where the listeners can find me. Excellent, Tyler, thank you. And we’ll link up to those in the show notes for listeners.

[00:47:25] I wanna check those things out. Once again, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. Thanks, Joe. I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Tyler about his journey as a father of. From the surprise, early arrival of his twins to making it through that first year and the great positive mindset he has in his twin parenting journey.

[00:47:46] If you wanted to connect with Tyler and some of those With his podcast or his business that he mentioned. I’ll link him to that in the show notes over at twindadpodcast.com. Again, today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com, where you’ll find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for fathers of twins, mothers of twins, and the twins themselves.

[00:48:03] Pick up a shirt for you and gifts for your friends and family at twintshirtcompany.com. If you would like to share your story like Tyler did today, I would love to hear from you and have you on the podcast. Go ahead and reach out to me. You can email me, joe@dadsguidetotwins.com, or reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe, and I would love to hear from you.

[00:48:24] Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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How much does daycare for twins cost? Let’s talk about costs and how that varies based on your location and the age of your twins.

We know twins can be expensive. In fact, one of the biggest expenses that parents of twins face is that of daycare for their twins.

Let’s talk specifically about childcare centers where you drop your kids off, maybe when you’re going to work and you pick them up at the end of the day.

Location is EverythingThe biggest factor of how much you’re going to pay for childcare for your twins is where you live.

If you live in a big city, if you live on the west or east coast of the United States, you’re going to pay significantly more than if you’ve live in the Midwest, the central U.S., or a small town.

And if you’re outside the United States, costs vary as well. One twin dad from Sweden told me that he pays only about $250 a month for both twins to be in daycare full time. But that is heavily subsidized by the government (and taxes).

Now let’s talk about here in the United States and what you can expect to pay for daycare in your neck of the woods. I share a few examples of different locations around the country.

These examples may or may not be close to where you are so consider the size of the city or area compared to where you live.

Twin Day Care Example Costs* Ohio: $335 a week which that comes out to about $17,000 a year * Buffalo, New York: $24,500 a year for childcare for twins * New Jersey: $22,000 a year for child care for twins * Maryland: $486 a week. That’s $25,000 a year. * Oklahoma: $270 a week, that’s only $14,000 a year.

Prices range all over the place from a couple hundred dollars a week in the middle of the country to extremely high costs in big cities and on the coasts.

The bottom line is that your expenses can sway anywhere from $10,000 a year, up to 25 to $30,000 a year for daycare for your twins.

Is Day Care Worth the Cost?These twin day care costs can be too much for a family to bear. Oftentimes parents will decide that it’s just not worth it for both parents to be working just to take the majority or all of one parent’s paycheck to pay for daycare.

Twin dad, Chris Jackson says that they never put their twins in daycare and that his wife quit when the twins were born and she started being a stay at home mom. So nine years later and two kids more, she’s still a stay at home mom since they couldn’t justify paying an entire paycheck to someone else to raise their kids. Great points.

Likewise, twin dad Brandon says “my wife and I priced out daycare for our twin girls and couldn’t justify spending an entire paycheck and then some for daycare. We are fortunate that we were able to do this on one income, but it’s tight every month.”

Take a look at your circumstances and your budget. When you run the numbers, you might say “there’s no way that we’re going to have one of us (mom or dad) work full time just to pay for daycare.”

When you can just have one of the parents stay home and take care of the twins and gain the benefits, paid day care for twins might not be worth it.

Plus you’ll get the benefits of having a parent home with the children during the day.

Now it’s not always going to be easy. Like these twin dads said, you know it’s going to be tight on the budget. You’re going to have to make some creative financial adjustments. But don’t rule that out. Don’t just assume that you have to put your twins into daycare.

Get Various Price QuotesYou should reach out to the daycares in your area to get different estimates and quotes from each of them and see which one is the best fit for you. Just because someone is paying $25,000 a year on the east coast of the United States doesn’t mean that that’s going to be your expense for your twins where you live.

Your Twins’ Age Impacts Child Care PricingIt will be more expensive, the younger the twins are because infants require more hands-on care, more attention, and more caregivers per child than when the kids are older. Expect expenses to be a little higher when they’re infants compared to when they are toddlers and beyond.

Ask for the Twin DiscountWhen reaching out to daycare centers for pricing, make sure you ask for the twin discount. They may or may not have the twin discount which may be known to them as the sibling discount. If you have other children that are also in daycare, try to negotiate such that you can get a reduced fare on each of your children.

If you’re expecting your twins still or are in the early months with twins, I highly recommend that you pick up my book, Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. It will help you through those first couple years with twins, overcome the common challenges, and help you see what’s coming around the corner from the stage of life that you’re in right now.

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What about raising twins is actually easier than you thought it was going to be?

Looking back at my own experience and talking with dozens of other twin parents, I share what was a pleasant surprise about raising twins.

Depending on who you talk to, raising twins is a nigh impossible task. Extremely difficult.

Now, I’m not going to sugarcoat it, those first months with newborns and even that first year with twins is crazy intense, but it’s not impossible. And some things may turn out actually easier than you think they’re going to be.

Built-In FriendsLet’s get a common one out of the way to begin with and that is: the twins will have a built in friend a built in playmate to keep themselves entertained.

This is true, but not in the very beginning. When they’re newborns, they’re just little lumps of baby and they don’t really interact with each other.

But as they start to sit up, and they start to interact and become aware of their surroundings, and definitely by the time that they’re toddlers, your friend your twins may very well be good friends and enjoy spending time together and playing with each other.

That doesn’t mean they’re not going to ever fight or argue – that’s always going to be a challenge.

The fact that they’re always together does help encourage them to have good friendship and relationship with each other.

Your Perspective is EverythingWhat else is easier than you thought it may be when raising twins? This of course depends on your perspective.

It depends on who you talk to when you’re expecting the twins.

If you talk to friends who have twins and they just had a miserable time of it, that’s what you’re going to expect.

On the other hand, if you talk to some friends or family that had twins and things went okay, that’s what you’re going to expect as well. So some things are going to be as hard as you thought they were going to be. Some things are going to be harder. And some things will be easier.

Telling Twins ApartMany parents worry about telling their twins apart and then that’s going to be difficult. Particularly if you have identical twins or if you have same same gender twins, that can be a challenge.

Of course the parents of fraternal twins or boy/girls twins are like “haha, yeah, we got this figured out.” But even when they’re newborns, fraternal twins can look a lot alike.

So telling twins apart is not as hard as you think it’s going to be. There are always subtle differences that you as the parent because you’re with them all the time.

You’ll notice even from birth, which twin is which twin, so you always know at a glance, twin A from twin B.

Syncing SchedulesGetting twins on the same sleep schedule and on the same eating schedule can make your life a lot easier.

A lot of parents worry about the challenges of getting their twins on the same schedule.

We found that this was little easier than we thought it would be by forcing the matter. When one twin woke up in the middle of the night to feed, we’d wake up her sister to feed her as well. And by continually doing that, it helped sync them both up on the same schedule.

If you’re feeding them at the same time and putting them down to sleep at the same time, their schedules usually align pretty well and that makes your life a little bit easier.

Same Classes at SchoolOnce your twins are school age, having your twins in the same class at school means they have the same teacher or teachers, they have the same homework and assignments they have to have seen friends.

All of that becomes a lot easier to manage than if you had two kids in the same grade but in different classes or two kids in two different grades at the same school.

Infant Twins Are Easier?Once you are past the infant twins stage, and enter toddlerhood, everything changes again.

Your twins will start to talk back to you and they start to have thoughts and opinions of their own. That’s when things get a little more challenging.

I found looking back at the newborn phase and the infant phase that life was pretty simple. All you had to do was take care of changing diapers, getting them to sleep, and feeding them.

You just repeated that cycle over and over again. It is pretty simple and basic.

Once they start to get a little older and start to be little people with their own attitudes and stuff, that is more of a parenting challenge.

At that point, it’s not just the basics of survival, but rather you have to engage them and to do some positive parenting to encourage correct behavior.

By the time you get to the toddlers and beyond, you may think well that infant phase was a lot easier than I thought because I don’t have to put up with the terrible twos or the terrible threes, for example.

How about you? What did you find was easier with twins than you thought it would be? Surely if you look on the positive side, you’ll find at least one thing that was easier than what you expected.

If you’re expecting your twins or are in the middle of infant months with twins, I recommend you check out my book “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins“. It’ll help you survive those first couple years and help you know what to expect in the months to come.

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Should your twins sleep in your room when they come home from the hospital? The answer depends on several factors.

Benefits of Having Infant Twins Sleep in the Parents’ RoomYou may consider having your infant twins sleep in your room for several months. Twin parents will sometimes use a bassinet or Pack-n-Play in their room to sleep the twins. These temporary sleeping quarters won’t last forever, but they will serve you and your twin babies for some time.

There are some advantages of sleeping twins in your room:

• Easy to access – When your twins are in your room, you don’t have to go far to take care of them. This is great during middle-of-the-night, sleep-deprived feeding sessions. You can roll out of bed and quickly pick up a twin and provide the care needed.
• Easy to monitor – Since your twins are in the same room, you can easily listen and monitor them for any issues that arise. You don’t need an electronic baby monitor and can easily roll over and visually inspect the babies to confirm if you really need to get out of bed.

Disadvantages of Having Infant Twins Sleep in the Parents’ Room Impacts your sleep – You will hear every sound your twins make when they sleep in your room. Even benign noises will rouse you from your sleep. * Harder to transition later – Even at an early age, your twins will get used to the patterns you are setting. Eventually they will have to move to their own room. Depending on your kids, this transition may be difficult. * No space for you* – I like to think of your bedroom as your sanctuary. With twins, your house will be a mess, and you need some place that is reserved for you to rest and relax.

Current RecommendationsThe American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that your twins “share a bedroom with parents, but not the same sleeping surface, preferably until the babies turn 1 but at least for the first six months. Room-sharing decreases the risk of SIDS by as much as 50 percent.”

What We DidWe put our twin girls in their own room from the first night we were home from the hospital. Fortunately, their room was right next door to ours. This made monitoring and access a lot easier than if our house floor plan had put greater distance between us.

My wife and I always tried to establish habits and routines that we’d be happy with long-term.

Having the girls sleep in their own room made it easier for us to rest when we did sleep and got them used to sleeping on their own.

You Choose Sleeping ArrangementsYou may think that your twins need to sleep in your room. You, as the parent, determine your twins’ sleeping arrangements. Not the other way around.

Choose twin sleeping arrangements carefully since this choice will impact both you as parents and the twins.

Picture by Ert

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I got an interesting question recently: Do twins get upset at the same time?

The answer, as with many questions on twins, is that it depends. Here are a few factors that help you know if your twins will both be upset at the same time.

PersonalitiesOur identical twin girls have very distinct personalities. As such, they react differently to similar things. One will take offense and get mad, and the other won’t care at all.

Study your twins’ personalities. Each may have a short temper or be patient.

Shared CircumstancesTwins will both get upset if they are in the same place and expecting the same result but don’t get that outcome. For example, if you make a “yucky dinner,” both twins won’t be happy — even if that “yucky dinner” is something you find perfectly delicious (like anything with vegetables).

If your family is headed to a park, museum, or something fun but have to cancel or change plans, expect two upset twins.

Monkey See, Monkey DoSometimes one of our twins will follow the lead of the other. If one gets upset, the other will react likewise. If you see a similar pattern in your home, expect double trouble.

History RepeatsHow have your twins reacted to things in the past? They will likely follow the same path again this time. You can use this to your advantage to either change the circumstance or react differently to your child.

Good Twin, Bad TwinAn interesting pattern we’ve seen in our girls is that when one is acting out or upset, the other will all of a sudden be the perfect child. We’ll hear statements like “I not crying” or “I eating my food.” The “good” twin will highlight her own positive behavior that is in stark contrast to her sister.

We like to turn this back on the upset twin and pile praise on the well-performing twin. Often, this positive reinforcement persuades the upset twin to calm down and go along whatever is expected of her.

What to Do When Both Twins Are Upset

How do you prevent your twins from getting upset at the same time? First of all is to observe their behavior. If they’ve gotten upset in the past, in certain circumstances, try your best to avoid those circumstances or to work around them to keep the twins happy.

You know experience is the best teacher and you’re going to see how your twins react in different circumstances. That will help you adjust your parenting to not get yourself in the same spot. again where your twins are upset again.

For example, what are the most common things that upset both twins?

If twin A is holding a particular toy, even if you have two of those same toy, twin B is probably going to want to get to get that toy and steal it from his or her sibling.

What does that mean for you? Should you immediately jump into the situation or should you wait to see how your twins try to solve the problem? Take a step back and see how they do at resolving it themselves. If you’re always jumping into solve problems, they’ll never learn those problem-solving skills themselves.

If the situation doesn’t pass quickly and they start fighting or start to hurt each other you can step in as a parent. Redirect the kids to an appropriate activity and to be away from each other.

Redirection and distraction are powerful techniques, particularly when your kids are really young.

Remember that when your twins are doing what you want them to do, pile on the positive praise and attention so they want to keep doing that good thing and get your positive attention.

We discovered with our twins that often they did not get upset at the same time. That was a blessing for us as parents because we could help take care of the kid that was upset or crying or hurt or needed something while the other twin was happily playing or sitting in a bouncy seat or rocking and swinging.

Remember there will always be times when they are upset at the same time. It’s okay to take turns. Take care of one and then the other.

What have you done when both of your twins have been upset? How have you handled that situation? Leave a comment below with what’s worked for you and your twins.

Picture by Jill M

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Twin pregnancies can get complicated. The nature of carrying two babies can wreak havoc on poor Mom.

While there are many common complications of a twin pregnancy, don’t stress out too much about them. Modern medical care can help you overcome most of these.

Complications during twin pregnancy consist of those unique to twins plus those regularly associated with any pregnancy like high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, and anemia.

However, you may experience complications that are unique to a twin pregnancy or even those related to an identical twin pregnancy.

Read about each of these complications below:

High Blood PressureHigh blood pressure and diabetes are common during pregnancy. Your doctor will check on you at each visit to detect these early as possible.

Prevention and treatment for high blood pressure:

• Avoid salt
• Exercise regularly
• Check with your doctor that any medications you are currently taking are safe (for example, a decongestant for a stuffy nose can cause high blood pressure)
• Always go to prenatal check-ups
• Eat a diet with lots of fruits and vegetables (just like your Mom told you)

Here are some more tips for preventing hypertension (high blood pressure) during your twin pregnancy.

Gestational DiabetesGestational Diabetes is a form of high blood sugar that affects pregnant women. There are a few things you can do in order to reduce the chances of developing gestational diabetes.

Prevention and treatment:

• Your doctor or nutritionist can provide you with a diet plan that helps keep your blood glucose within the healthy range.
• Discuss with your doctor any foods to avoid and the timing of your meals.
• Limit sweets and track your carbohydrate intake.
• Increase your fiber intake.
• Stay active. Discuss with your physician the best ways for you to remain active during your pregnancy.

Here are some more tips on preventing gestational diabetes.

AnemiaAnemia is when your blood doesn’t have enough healthy red blood cells. Because of increased blood flow during pregnancy, your iron levels drop. This is especially true in women carrying more than one fetus. Mild anemia isn’t harmful, but be mindful of taking your supplements. A major symptom of anemia is fatigue (as if you weren’t tired enough!).

Prevention and treatment: This one is very common and a little harder to prevent, your healthcare provider will most likely provide you with iron supplements.

Twin Pregnancy Complications – First TrimesterYou might not even find out you are having twins until the end of the first trimester.

The common complications of all pregnancies mentioned above are a risk for you here.

Miscarriages typically happen in first 12 weeks of pregnancy. There is a chance you might miscarry one or both of the babies this early in the pregnancy.

Twin Pregnancy Complications – Second TrimesterPreeclampsia during the twin pregnancy is a serious condition of high blood pressure in the mother. Watch for symptoms like a quick rise in blood pressure, protein in the urine, sudden and disproportionate weight gain, and swelling of the face and hands.

Many complications discussed here may result in bed rest for mother. Additionally, the strain of two babies on your cervix may be too much and require bed rest. Here are some things to do to more easily manage bed rest during the twin pregnancy.

Twin Pregnancy Complications- Third TrimesterYou’re in the home stretch now but complications continue and additional concerns emerge around when and how your twins will be born.

Preterm labor and birth is common with twins. On average they are born around 36 weeks but can arrive much earlier than that.

Even if you are planning for a natural twin delivery, a Caesarean section (C-section) delivery may be in your future. Twin deliveries have a higher chance of c-section as both twins need to be in the right position for a vaginal birth.

Identical Twin Pregnancy ComplicationsOne complication unique to identical twins while in the womb is Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, or TTTS. Only monochorionic twins, or those that share a placenta, are susceptible to TTTS. This is a serious condition where one twin may get too little nutrients and fluid while the other gets too much.

Don’t Get OverwhelmedYes, there are a lot of common complications during twin pregnancy. However, they won’t all happen to you. In fact, you might not experience ANY of them.

Talk to your doctor about how you can prevent these. Do what you can and don’t worry about the rest. If complications arise, learn about them and take action.

For more detailed view of what to expect each week of the twin pregnancy, check out this twin pregnancy week by week guide.

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When can you be induced with twins?

As a reminder, induction is when the doctor encourages Mom’s uterus to contract and thus start the labor process. Inducing labor may be done via many different methods so talk to your doctor about what that means in your situation.

So that begs the question, when is it safe for Mom to be induced to bring those babies into the world?

Induction of your twin babies is really up to you and your doctor.

You may find that your twins arrive even before you have a conversation about induction.

Twins can be born significantly early, particularly when compared to a singleton child. As we have discussed before, twins are born on average at about 36 weeks of the twin pregnancy. Your doctor may be open to inducing Mom anywhere after that 36 week mark.

In the case of our twin pregnancy, the doctor didn’t want to plan anything until we had reached 38 weeks of the pregnancy. So typically, between 37 and 38 weeks is when the doctor may approve an induction for your twin babies if the twins haven’t already been born by then.

You’re going to have weekly checkups with a doctor plus probably weekly ultrasounds to see how the babies are doing. The doctor will be very aware of the the growth situation of the twins and of the health of Mom. These frequent check-ups also give indications of how long those babies can make it before it’s time for them to be born.

Our girls were born at 36 weeks of the pregnancy. We had gone in just for a regular checkup when we found out that my wife was having contractions and it was time to have the babies.

You may find that your twin babies are in no hurry to exit the womb and may then need to be induced a 37-38 weeks. Of course this is a conversation you’ll need to have with your doctor because your doctor best knows Mom’s health condition and baby’s health status and how long those babies can go and still be healthy.

Ideally, you want to keep those babies in as long as possible so they can continue to grow and develop (particularly their lung capacity). But once they’re beyond that 36 week mark, they are usually going to be okay and will be healthy and just fine.

By 38 weeks, it’s probably time for those babies to be induced and to come out.

So on your next doctor visit during the twin pregnancy make sure you ask them when Mom could be induced if it came to that. You just may hear “38 weeks”.

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If you’re expecting twins and you want to get ready for them it’s important to have a stash of clothes ready to help them transition from the hospital back to your home.

OnesiesThe primary thing that your twins are going to wear as infants or onesies or body suits. Get about 10 of these because that’s going to be the primary thing that your kids are wearing almost every single day. And if they’re not wearing it as a sole piece of clothing, it’s going to go underneath whatever else they’re wearing.

These can come with short sleeves, or long sleeves depending on the type of weather that you’re experiencing when your twins are born.

Clothing SetsYou may also consider getting some newborn clothing sets. These are usually like a shirt and a pair of pants.

Get five to six pairs of each of these for your twins, particularly for when you take the kids out in public or to go visit grandma.

You definitely want to have a pair of going home from the hospital clothes. Get something super nice, cute, and adorable for your twins to wear on that great ride home from the hospital.

Of course you’re getting lots of pictures and then leaving the hospital getting in the car seats for the first time getting the car, taking them out of the car and bringing them in home. And you want to have some cute outfits on them for posterity.

But let’s be honest, super fancy and ornate clothing is not going to be what your twins are wearing every single day.

As infants, they are going to be having spit ups and blow outs of their diapers and milk spilled on them. It’s going to be a mess.

Stick with stuff that can easily be washed.

SleepwearYou want to get about 10 pairs of pajamas: five for each twin.

Look for things like sleep sacks that have zippers. You don’t want to mess with buttons. Those are just impossible. Zippers would be preferred with snaps as runner ups. Avoid buttons at all costs.

A good night suit (footed PJs) will keep your twins nice and warm as they go to sleep at night.

ShoesLet’s talk about baby shoes. Infant twins do not need shoes. They are only decoration.

Until they start walking around, they don’t really need shoes on your feet.

You may have something to keep their feet warm, like some socks or some little shoes, but they’re mostly just decoration so treat them as such.

If you’re short on budget, allocate some of the budget you would have spent on some fancy shoes for your twins to more onesies or clothing that you know they can use on a regular basis.

Turn OverRemember that with infant twins, you’re going to be doing laundry almost every day. You’ll be churning through these clothes very quickly because your kids are going to need changes multiple times a day. So if you don’t want to do laundry as much, get a few more items of clothing so you have enough for the kids to wear multiple outfits a day.

Now as they get older and out of the infant phase, they can become a little more clean and stop blowing out diapers as much.

You’ll eventually get down to one outfit that they wear all day plus an emergency outfit in your diaper bag, in case they have an accident while you’re out and about.

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How do you handle the stress and mental struggle of raising twins? Raising twins is hard and it can become ... Read more

The post How to Overcome the Stress and Mental Struggles of Twin Parenting (tips for twin parents) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Are your twins double trouble? With twins, it’s kind of the cycle where one starts something and the other jumps ... Read more

The post Curtail Mischief and Encourage Good Behavior in Twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Having twin infants is amazing but it’s also really hard. In this article, I’m going to share what makes having ... Read more

The post What is the worst part of having infant twins? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Episode 266 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

The post From Twin Pregnancy to One Year Old Twins with Shawn Armstrong – Podcast 266 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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Episode 265 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 264 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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One of the most frequent questions by those expecting twins is: do I need two of everything? Just because you ... Read more

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Episode 263 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 262 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 261 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 260 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 259 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 258 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 257 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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As the father of twins, there is no doubt: your help will be needed when the babies come home from ... Read more

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When you find out you’ll be receiving twin bundles of joy in the not-too-distant future, you’ll likely start to panic. ... Read more

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A common question parents of infant twins ask is: “How do I have time to do everything with twins?” The ... Read more

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How did you know that you would be having twins? Let me share how we found out that we would ... Read more

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Episode 252 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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So you found out that your partner is expecting twins? When will she start showing? When will you start to ... Read more

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Episode 250 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Do twins come from Mom or Dad? Well, we know that twins grow inside of Mom and she does the ... Read more

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Episode 248 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 247 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 246 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 245 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 244 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 243 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 242 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 241 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 240 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 239 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 238 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 237 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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As a parent of twins, I’m pretty sure that you know the answer to the question “which twin is older?” ... Read more

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Episode 236 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Recently, I was asked by a dad expecting twins, “How early can I know the gender of twins?” While you ... Read more

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Episode 235 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 234 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 233 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 232 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 231 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 230 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 229 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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If you listen to most people (even me), you’ll get the impression that the first several months with twins forces ... Read more

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Your twins are not the same. As you’ve seen (or will discover), they are unique individuals and will develop differently. ... Read more

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How do I get my twin toddlers to sleep? If you’re struggling with this in your home, take heart because ... Read more

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Episode 225 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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When your twins are born, they often look very similar. This is a big question parents of twins ask: How ... Read more

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As twin parents, you want your babies to fall asleep by themselves without your constant intervention. Unfortunately, they sometimes get ... Read more

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Episode 222 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Congratulations, you’re having twins! Here is the twins baby registry checklist you need to get ready for your special arrivals. ... Read more

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When your paternity leave runs out, you’ll head back to work and may need to leave Mom home alone with ... Read more

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Do your twins turn into cranky beasts sometime between dinner and midnight each evening? If so, you’re not alone. This ... Read more

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Episode 219 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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When you reach your twins’ first birthday, you deserve a little celebration. After all, both you and your twins have ... Read more

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About 25% of identical twins are mirror image twins. Your twins may also have physical features that make them look ... Read more

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Just when you think you’ve made it through the newborn craziness and figured out your twins and their routine, a ... Read more

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Episode 215 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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So … we’re all stuck at home. I want to share today with what’s working for our family, and some ... Read more

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Episode 213 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Can your twins share a room or nursery? Absolutely. Our twin girls have shared a room since the day we ... Read more

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Episode 211 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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If you’ve decided to bottle feed your infant twins (with either formula or breast milk), you’ll need to figure out ... Read more

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Episode 209 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Expectant twin mom Claudia asks, “We’re not sure if we’re having boys or girls but we want it to be ... Read more

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Episode 207 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 205 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 204 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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One of the most frequent questions I receive is “how do we afford childcare for twins?” By its very nature, ... Read more

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Once you move your twins from cribs to regular beds, a new challenge arises: How do you keep your twins ... Read more

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I got a comment the other day from a fellow father expecting twins to join his family shortly. He said, ... Read more

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Episode 201 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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David called in with a question about his twins’ sleeping habits and wondered if I “had any tips about sleep ... Read more

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Episode 200 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today I celebrate the 200th episode of the Dad’s ... Read more

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One of the most popular questions I get is: Will twins cry a lot? The answer is yes. All newborns ... Read more

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Episode 199 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series ... Read more

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Episode 198 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode I answer several of your twin ... Read more

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Occasionally I’ve been asked, “Which twin is the bad twin?” I never know quite how to handle this question. It ... Read more

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Episode 196 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Robbie Armstrong, father ... Read more

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So now that you’ve had twins, are you done? Or will your family still grow? Getting pregnant after twins will ... Read more

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Episode 194 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Jake Morris, father ... Read more

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Hitting the road with your twins? Whether you are flying with twins or taking an epic road trip, you’ll need ... Read more

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I recently heard from some twin parents worried about the speech of their 18 month old twins. What should you ... Read more

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Tired of changing double the diapers with your twins? Now could be the time to potty train. Here are proven ... Read more

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Twin pregnancies are a huge physical burden on Mom. If she is working while pregnant with twins, this complicates matters ... Read more

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Episode 190 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I answer several of your twin ... Read more

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Episode 189 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Eric Olson, father ... Read more

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Common developmental delays in twins can make it seem like your twins aren’t progressing as you’d expect or when compared ... Read more

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Episode 188 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Mickey Farmer, father ... Read more

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Episode 187 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Todd Courtney father ... Read more

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Twins can put a real strain on your marriage and family life. However, they don’t have to be the end ... Read more

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Today we’re talking about how to balance your life with twins, particularly how do you do anything besides childcare when ... Read more

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Last month my girls had an open house at school. It was a standard evening where we could meet the ... Read more

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Episode 183 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Jeremy Schneider father ... Read more

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Episode 182 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Tom Williams father ... Read more

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Episode 181 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Andrew Curfman father ... Read more

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Episode 180 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Mike Donnellon, father ... Read more

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Episode 179 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Tim Murray, father ... Read more

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Episode 178 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Ian Wasti, father ... Read more

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Once you celebrate your twins’ first birthday, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You made it. You did it. ... Read more

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Episode 176 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with James Frazier, father ... Read more

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Episode 93 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Listen to Jonathan Blundell from JDBlundell.com share the story ... Read more

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Listen to Jeff Jackson, father of fraternal boy twins, share the story of his twin journey including: Dealing with opposite ... Read more

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Listen to Stephen Bell, father of boy/girl twins, share the story of his twin journey including: Why they laughed hysterically ... Read more

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Listen to Kevin Valudes, father of identical twin girls, share the story of his twin journey including: How they found ... Read more

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Episode 175 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Jonathan Snowden, an ... Read more

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We love to travel as a family and take family vacations. Of course, who doesn’t like to take a vacation ... Read more

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Episode 173 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I chat with Dara Lovitz mother ... Read more

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Episode 172 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, I answer five of your twin ... Read more

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When you’re expecting twins, one of the concerns you have is how will you fit your twin family in your ... Read more

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Episode 171 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes In this episode, we continue our Father of Twins ... Read more

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I asked our fellow parents of twins what are the most common questions that they receive and their answers might ... Read more