Life in Relationship: Recent Episodes
Heidi Goehmann
Writer, licensed clinical social worker, and theologian, Heidi Goehmann, produces resources that advocate for mental health and genuine relationships. She loves her family, post it notes, Jesus, adventure, Star Wars, Star Trek, and new ideas…not necessarily in that order.
Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author
Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - https://amzn.to/3FBrdU2 (associate link)
Proactive v reactive approach
Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe
Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up
Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture
The environment
Relationships
Internal needs
Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable
Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger
Tip 3 – Remember “more than they deserve”
Tip 4 – Non-judgment – grace and truth with the understanding that God is judge, not me
Tip 5 – Notice other people
Tip 6 – values and faith as driver, emotion as information to process
Shame
Tip 7 – careful of pouring yourself out to the last drop, we are human
The impact of shame and guilt on our internal processing of anger
“Holding It Lightly” from dialectical behavior therapy
The purpose of frustration and anger
How do I find more happiness?
Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood
Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience
Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing
Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation
Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking
Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time
Value all the emotions
Tip 3 – We’re ok v. Yay!
Positive psych and researching the experience of happiness
Hedonia and eudaimonia – pleasure v meaning
Markers of happiness = relationships, purpose, meaning/gratitude/mindfulness, physical health
Tip 4 – Don’t force it
Tip 5 – Know your values to find your eudaimonia happiness
Purpose and pleasure, skill and fulfillment
DBT values word list available to subscribers at heidigoehmann.com in December
Research:
https://positivepsychology.com/predictors-of-happiness/
Waterman, A. S. (2013). Eudaimonia: Contrasting two conceptions of happiness: Hedonia and eudaimonia. In J. J. Froh & A. C. Parks (Eds.), Activities for teaching positive psychology: A guide for instructors (pp. 29–34). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14042-005
Huta, V., Waterman, A.S. Eudaimonia and Its Distinction from Hedonia: Developing a Classification and Terminology for Understanding Conceptual and Operational Definitions. J Happiness Stud 15, 1425–1456 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-013-9485-0
How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s?
Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation
The value of presence
The detriment of sponging emotion
Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids
Notice and name the emotion in the room
Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else
Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion
Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforesttherapy.earth/
Tip #3 – know your own “stuff” (triggers, concerns, traumas)
Tip #4 – do not assume an emotion, ask about an emotion
Tip #5 – Be aware of triggers with no shame
Practice accountability with kindness
“I am uncomfortable. I want to hear what you have to say. I want to know what’s going on with you. The way it’s coming out is challenging for me.”
Tip #6 – hold the duality of parental responsibility with deep parental love and connection
Common questions: will they be ok? Will I mess them up? What am I missing?
Give yourself space to learn and grow
Try to help kids be unburdened by adult problems
Tip # 7 – Maintain your connection with God
Pouring out your emotions with God
Resting with God
Rhythms of prayer as emotionally regulating
Hear God speaking to your emotions as a Gospel-oriented, invitation-to-relationship God
How do I help my loved one when they are sad?
Differences in sadness and sorrow definition
relationship to distress and emotion regulation
Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness
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Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time
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Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble
Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging
No fixing
acknowledgement goes a long way
let these emotions be a process
let people’s emotions, including our own be complicated and layered
let it be seen by God with someone
invite that person into regular life things
2 Corinthians 1:3-4, God of all comforts, God of all, but especially of comfort
Psalm 18:6-8, God’s anger at what makes us sad or hurt
Resources:
https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/sorrow-an-acknowledgment
https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/honoring-our-sorrow-sadness-amp-tears-a-scripture-list-for-lent
https://www.kfuo.org/2020/01/20/coffee-hour-012020-no-shame-in-sadness/
Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something?
Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries
Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people
Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts
Define Zeal
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great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google)
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eagerness and ardent interest in something (webster)
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fervor, determination, combined with kindness equalling great devotion (urban dictionary)
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related to passion that is hard to govern
Tip 3 - What is the love within this? What is the fear within this?
Tip 4 – reserve zeal for injustice to give power to the marginalized
Tip 5 – hate doesn’t help
- Ted Lasso – Be curious, not judgmental
Tip 6 – You can have boundaries
Opt out of conversations – place for avoidance and distraction, change of focus
Opt of relationships – what relationships in our life hold zeal in health and which are overwhelming
Boundaries with your own emotions
Resources:
Atlas of the Heart - https://amzn.to/46uBrRD
Subsribe to heidigoehmann.com for more.
Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries?
Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries
The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness”
Cognitive empathy:
Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience.
Emotional empathy:
Do they need us to see their feelings? Listen and ask questions that help them name their emotions and give a space to honor them without judgment.
Boundary #1 – self-differentiation
Boundary #2 – no drama making, honor the degrees of separation
Boundary #3 - know your lens: perspective, bias, and assumptions
Boundary #4 – empathy doesn’t fix people
Boundary #5 – know your bandwidth
Boundary #6 – be yourself in your kind and compassionate clothing
Boundary #7 – recognize all of our capacity for suffering
Mental Health Tool - Gut check practice
Series on empathy at heidigoehmann.com -
https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/igniting-empathy-inside-of-me
https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/how-do-we-talk-with-empathy
https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/bringing-empathy-to-social-media
How do I get more pleasure in my life and relationships?
Getting past the word pleasure - Culture and church cringy word, kind of awkward, vaguely sexual
Pleasure definition = enjoyment, satisfaction
1 - Look for pleasure to be relationship focused
2 - ask deeper questions about pleasure
3 - pleasure in balance with other emotions
4 - noticing skills
3 stages of pleasure:
Wanting – expectation/anticipation, pursuit/drive
Liking – sensation experience of pleasure, hedonistic hotspots in the brain
Learning – brain updating information, making future predictions; brain begins linking neurotransmitters that were harder to link before
Resources:
Altogether Beautiful video on expanding our understanding of pleasure
45 sec Preview: https://youtu.be/902FvFLwbA0?si=P8irRsjz0AH2ZQXj
https://vimeo.com/ondemand/altogetherbeautiful/260826340
https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2004/11/berridge
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/202107/the-new-neuroscience-pleasure
Welcome back! The Life in Relationship Podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. We are looking forward to sharing Season 6 with you.
This season we are answering relationship questions all about Emotions to celebrate Heidi's book release of Emotions & the Gospel: Created for Connection. Emotions covered include: pleasure, anxiety, happiness, sadness & sorrow, frustration, zeal, and empathy.
Join us for episodes dropping in September. Submit your relationship questions at lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com. See you soon!
Topic: Topic: How do you break up well?How do I know it’s healthy to start dating again after a divorce or breakup? * The weightiness of breakups * Reminding us of our need as humans for intimacy * There are ways to do break ups “better”, but no way to do it “easy”
Keep it classy, kind, and clear
- Break ups are in a moment, but the work of a break up is long term
- face to face universally preferred in the research
- What do you need and what needs healing?
- Find your support people
- Consider the impact on relationships beyond yourself
Allow for emotions
- Give opportunity to process for yourself and your break up partner
- let complex emotions be there, just listen and then move forward
- Own what needs to be owned, don’t own what isn’t yours
- Dave’s wisdom = “It’s not you, it’s us.”
- space before friendship
- Happier music video: https://youtu.be/m7Bc3pLyij0
Give yourself time and space for the grief
- Set needed boundaries
- Homeostasis, getting to normalcy and comfort
- Pay attention to your internal dialogue and engage in healthy and aware self-talk
- A good time to engage in your spiritual life for foundation safety/comfort
- Space in communication
- disenfranchised grief and awareness of the stages of grief
- markers for “moving on”
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/
Necessary Endings: https://amzn.to/3PD8Q4Q
Short answer: Keep it classy and give yourself time.
How do partners take care of each other when they have a baby? 1 – Learn together, about baby and each other
What are your unique challenges?
Gender role complications
Awareness of shifts and changes with each baby
Embrace flexible curiosity
Make space and room for letting the baggage come out
2 – hold the good and bad together for and with another
Acknowledge the impossibility of the unpredictable nature of parenting
Some common anxieties:
- Exhaustion
- Anxiety about infant or just life
- Changes in other relationships (boundaries with others)
- What support is available
- Physical touch and sensory overload
- Uncertainty of needs – other and within self
- Communicating about something so new
- Losing who I am outside of parenting
3 – Notice where your partner needs and respond to each other with grace
- Hormone changes and adjustment for both partners
- sleep deprivation messes with you
- validate and offer small touches to ground partner
- notice mess and mindfully notice joy
- Caring for each other outside of motherhood and fatherhood
- Caring for each other by splitting duties
household chores episode – https://ilovemyshepherd.libsyn.com/household-chores
4– help one another remember yourselves outside of parenting
- remember it’s a season
- go out and make nice moments happen when you stay in
- get to know baby and let baby get to know you - acclimate to baby, but also let baby acclimate to you
Resources:
Gottman Bringing Up Baby course - https://www.gottman.com/blog/bringing-baby-home-the-research/
And Baby Makes Three - https://amzn.to/3B79iBj (affiliate link)
Short answer: Plan for the unplannable and watch yourself grow.
Topic: Where do I turn if I’m wrestling with my faith?
Intro: special guest Tanner Olson, Written to Speak, the poetry master
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Wrestling can be scary, but healthy
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Can feel like a journey, a battle, a dessert, normalcy, mediocrity
- Common Questions: Is God still who He says He is? Is God still close to me?
- Validating your questions and feelings goes a long way in making wrestling feel safer
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Keep talking to God – step toward relationship and revelation, getting to know God rather than always answering the whys
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Wrestling can bring growth and depth of faith
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Find people you can talk to about the questions and wrestlings
- Making peace with wrestling as part of the faith process
Research studies reveal wrestling as a widely experienced phenomenon:
Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2839364/
Barna - https://www.barna.com/research/two-thirds-christians-face-doubt/
Study of Islam - https://yaqeeninstitute.org/read/paper/what-causes-muslims-to-doubt-islam-a-quantitative-analysis (Yaqeen Instititute for Islamic Research)
- Predominate themes in wrestling:
moral and social concerns, philosophical and scientific concerns, personal trauma
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There is nothing wrong with you and sometimes it’s hard to see we are loved, forgiven, free, etc.
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Everyone’s relationship with God looks different
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We can rest in what we do know – “I know how this story ends”
- Faith looks different in different seasons of life
- Value of silence and stillness (Walk a Little Slower: pg. 104)
- Wrestling in the daily walk (Walk a Little Slower: pg. 52)
- Sometimes we think, sometimes we are invited to just be, sometimes we wait
- What to look for in wrestling companions
- Tanner wisdom: “Let the cheesy things still be true.”
Resources: writtentospeak.com
Tanner’s books -
Walk a Little Slower - https://amzn.to/3IPETu7
As You Go - https://amzn.to/3IMa49A
I’m All Over the Place - https://amzn.to/3KYc0h1
Short Answer: Let yourself be curious and let the cheesy things be true.
Topic: How do I talk to someone I love who is struggling with their mental health?
Intro: Changing stigma towards mental health
Step 1 - changing our beliefs
Step 2 - changing our actions related to beliefs
2019 APA survey:
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/05/mental-health-survey
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What is my relationship with this person? (4:30)
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Relationship = vulnerability + boundaries
- Where are they at? Consider the person’s willingness to have the conversation
- Can they see the concerns or are they mostly unaware?
- Use the phrase – “I’ve noticed” or “Have you noticed…”
- Start with culturally normative symptoms or what might be easiest from them to hear
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Shift our own understanding about mental health as part of everyone’s everyday life
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Get some info for yourself
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Nami - https://nami.org/Support-Education
- and Mental Health First Aid and Fresh Hope groups
- recognize our own anxieties about mental health
- Mental Health First Aid: https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/take-a-course/find-a-course/
- Determining a crisis v. non-crisis situation
QPR training for suicide prevention:
https://qprinstitute.com/individual-training
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Concerns about suicide: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
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Consider your language and your relationship with your own mental health (18:00)
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Do not make assumptions
- Ask lots of questions
- Use a tone of respect
- People are more responsive when we are willing to deal with our own stuff
- Be authentic in our own struggles
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The struggle isn’t usually the same intensity forever
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Have some resources ready and check back in (23:30)
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Hotline resources - https://www.rainn.org/
https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/
https://www.thehotline.org/ for family and relationship violence
211 – basic resources local to you
- look up some local therapists
therapist search on Heidi’s website: https://heidigoehmann.com/connect
- Combat veteran resources and info around trauma
Normalizing combat trauma - https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_veterans.asp
Find an EMDR therapist - https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
Get your own therapy if they are resistant (or if they aren’t)
- books –
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone - https://amzn.to/3EXYkhV
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Workbook - https://amzn.to/3HPMpEL
Soul of Shame - https://amzn.to/3pViWTK
Daring Greatly - https://amzn.to/3zwOpPw
Fresh Hope Workbook - https://amzn.to/3faK0YV
Fresh Hope website - https://freshhope.us/
Loving Someone Series –
PTSD - https://amzn.to/34oRh5s
Bipolar - https://amzn.to/3zsYEnK
ADHD - https://amzn.to/3mYkmuY
- Don’t forget boundaries for yourself with compassion
Mental health page at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/mental-health-1
Relationship page at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Short Answer: There is no perfect way to have the conversation - start somewhere, with a resource and a single awkward conversation.
Topic: How does a family adjust to someone becoming an adult?
Developmental realities, independence and angst
The reality of Young Adulthood – How do I access independence?
A Story: getting your first cold and/or changing your major in college
Tip 1 – Celebrate small things of young adulthood
- baby steps
- reminds us we are capable
- telling each other you are capable = part of family life
Tip 2 – be mindful of the stages of parenting
parenting changes over time and with developmental levels of kids
- article from Berkley calls the last state a “guide” https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/three_ways_to_change_your_parenting_in_the_teenage_years
- making decisions for small children, to making decisions but offering choices, to making decisions with your child, supporting decisions alongside your child
Tip 3 – be interested in one another as people
- find some new rituals and traditions as well as new ways to connect spiritually
- 4 areas to grow as family members grow – emotions, routines, freedom, and conversations (licensed family therapist online)
Article: https://imperfectfamilies.com/grow-up-with-your-kids/
- Gottman “Creating Shared Meaning” and “Rituals of Connection”
https://www.gottman.com/blog/create-shared-meaning-rituals-for-the-family/
Dave’s bonus tip for parents of YAs – “take opportunities to be chill”
Heidi’s bonus tip – “believing in eternity means I don’t have to be worked up about this moment”
Tip 4 – transition takes effort and energy and is worth effort and energy
- relationship is made of vulnerability and boundaries
Family members of YAs –
consider what you want and what’s realistic
respect their voice and freedom
check ins with low expectations
YAs seek help, communicate needs
set boundaries, lead the way in defining your boundaries
love your family as people not what they do for you
Short answer: relationships need to transition as life transitions
Question: How do we split up “the chores” of a household?
- For marriage, roommates, families, etc.
Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story
- Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic
Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-typical-solvable-problems-relationships/
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do what works, not what is expected
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Identifying expectations from other places – culture, family of origin, assumptions
- equality doesn’t mean 50/50, it’s seeing each other as equals
- there is no perfection in chore life: dailyness of life together in a household and the value of working on the daily things together even when they aren’t fun
- name your own expectations and desires: what needs to be done? How often? On certain days? etc.
- avoid extreme chore mentality
- consider the mental energy of appts and schedules and bills, etc, outdoor/indoor
- “I need you to participate more fully in (fill in the blank)”
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building your family culture: we all live here, we all have jobs to get the stuff of life done
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talk about it, write it down, list it all out (15:00)
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TED method: https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-split-the-chores-with-your-partner-minus-the-drama-and-fighting/
- note what builds resentment
- keep in mind, it’s not a competition
- Tiffany Dufu, Drop the Ball, “we tend to be blind to household jobs that we don’t do.”
- cutting what is unnecessary and outsourcing (payment for something is related to privilege but doesn’t necessarily need to be an area of shame)
- 2018 compilation of studies from Harvard Business School – higher satisfaction in outsourcing discussion: https://www.hbs.edu/ris/Publication%20Files/18-072_b1d8cdda-fbb1-46ae-afd7-6742d2195f25.pdf
- Asking questions:
What can we stop doing?
What do we each like doing?
What do I never want to do?
How can we split it up?
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think about it as a “communication playground”
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ongoing, constant conversation (29:52)
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marriage contract joke
- make trades
- ask for help in both directions
Short answer: talk about it, talk about it more, write it down, be extremely practical in this area
Question:
How do we come to terms with the closure of a childhood friendship? What are ways to find contentment and peace when that friend no longer reaches out to us?
Submitted by listener, Emily
our childhood BFFs
Research moment: 1 in 10 friendships survive into adulthood
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Children practice being a friend and there’s a learning curve.
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Children are learning how to be humans and learning relationship is part of that.
- Cultural misunderstandings – childhood friendships are backbones of our relational lives
Research shows that having childhood friendships matters, but social support is what really has an impact longitudinally.
Study with middle schoolers: http://www.llcsjournal.org/index.php/llcs/article/view/214
- Learning the effort of friendship from models and mentors in our lives
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Naming the complexities of relationship for one another
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Friendship sometimes lasts for a moment, a season, or a lifetime.
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Some friendships will end, every friendship doesn’t have to be a lifetime relationship
- The difference between guilt and shame when a relationship ends
- Listening to the Spirit and your spirit for deciding where to put effort in friendships
- Taylor Swift, Long Pond Documentary - https://www.disneyplus.com/movies/folklore-the-long-pond-studio-sessions/3Xlc0EjKtKpp
- values and personalities more important over affinities and interests
Research link: https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/why-adolescent-friendships-end
- Concordia Publishing House values article:
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Honor the past as well as the present of the relationship v adding expectations, honor the other person’s sacrifice as well
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Growth mindset that allows grieving but also growing up.
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Friendships are best when the individuals grow in them, even if that means growing apart
- some people grow in the same direction and some in different directions, both are growth
- Non-judgment and letting people who they are
- Effort, asking for what you need, asking for what they need
- How to let go: allow yourself some space to grieve and be disappointed, connect with God’s unchanging nature and friendship, experience grace around the friendship
- Honor it – reflect on good memories, consider what that relationship brought into your life and practice gratitude for the gift
- DBT with Dave – let the friendship be what it is ;)
Short answer: friendships have their seasons
The Life in Relationship podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. Our goal is more genuineness and authenticity in each of our relationships each day.
Hear more about the new format on this short trailer and start submitting your questions to lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com.
People are always worth the trouble and relationship is worth the effort.
The epistles are what I like to think of as “big-word books.” They teach us about abstract concepts like propitiation, redemption, atonement, and righteousness. This can be intimidating, but also enlightening.
Today’s spiritual practice gives us grace for when we encounter big words in Scripture or big ideas. Our goal today is to also build our ability to sit in not knowing “the answer” and discovering new ideas about God or new understanding in our relationship with God by simply engaging with His Word.
A Reading from Jude from the ESV translation
Dave’s contemplation:
Blaspheme
Predictions of the apostles
Names in the passage
The practice:
Read through one of the letters of the New Testament or a chapter of the Bible
(Romans is always a good place to start if you aren’t sure where)
Focus on a word or phrase you don’t understand or are simply intrigued by
Tips:
Look at context
Scripture interprets Scripture
Look up cross references in your study Bible or on a Bible app or concordance
Ask a friend about it
Post on social media to hear other people’s thoughts on the word (considering the source and with the filter of the Word of God) or bring it up somewhere else
Pray for God to direct you in His Word to knowledge and understanding about this concept.
Ask a pastor or other theologian about Hebrew and Greek
Find the other related narratives in Scripture
Resources:
Concordia Commentaries - https://amzn.to/2TTtzck
People’s Commentaries - https://amzn.to/3j3urWb
(affiliate links)
https://blog.cph.org/read/4-ways-to-draw-near-in-the-new-year
© 2019 Concordia Publishing House. Used with permission.
Always Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Adventure
Practices for spiritual growth – always focusing on drawing near
Greg Finke = Where are we going today, Jesus?
Joining Jesus on His mission - https://amzn.to/3u5JAcb
God wants to do daily life with us –
Name 3 places you go in your day or week that God goes with you
Life is an adventure – Seeing the adventure right where you are at
What adventures can you spot in your own home or family?
How do we encounter trouble in our daily life?
How do we encounter questions and searching?
Where do we encounter resolution and restoration?
Where do you see God sending people to help you along the way?
The Open Hands -
Slowly read through a short passage in the Gospel accounts.
- Who is Jesus connecting with in this account?
- Where is He going?
- What is He doing and/or saying?
Open your hands up and ask God where He would like to send Jesus into the world, through you today.
How is the Holy Spirit faithfully directing your words in daily conversations? Remembering experiences of adventure and God’s faithfulness
Episode 16 – Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth
being with God v. producing something for God
We can be doing all kinds of things for God, but very little to draw near to God.
Today and to come: four practices for drawing near
useful every day and especially useful for connecting to God in and around our challenges
Thanks to CPH for letting me pull apart this article and use it a little more.
What are your practices for drawing near to God?
Organic as well as intentional
Being aware/conscious in our traditions
Where does the growth from your daily practices/yearly practices come from?
Which are adding growth and awareness and which are added extra?
Reading God’s heart rather than about growth
Gottman Sound Relationship House Theory - https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-is-the-sound-relationship-house/
Drawing near = connecting with God, building love maps with God, rituals of connection with God
What is stopping us from drawing near to God? Identify your barriers
Where is God working to transform you through those challenges?
https://blog.cph.org/read/4-ways-to-draw-near-in-the-new-year
© 2019 Concordia Publishing House. Used with permission.
Always Growing in Awe
The Spiritual Practice of Woah
“Sometimes we need to see and remember God as big and infinite. He can’t always be understood through the relationships we see and experience here on earth. As you sit down to draw near, pull out Genesis 1 or Job 38. Look around you and notice one detail of nature and creation. Consider God’s voice speaking this thing into being.
- What care does God have for this one small detail?
- What authority does He have over it?
- What gift(s) does He give us through it?
Imagine how Jesus will restore all things in the new creation. Ask Him what He has put before you to steward and care for in the meantime.”
Give yourself a moment to be woahed by God and His care of all things.
Special guest: Rev. Michael Newman
Tell us about yourself and your journey with grief.
What aspects of grief make growth challenging?
“big” and “small” loses
Grief upon grief + grace upon grace
Lack of cultural methods for honoring grief
shame/disempowerment in loss and grief
Relational resources designed to be shared
Hope When Your Heart Breaks
- doses of God meeting you in darkness and pain of grief
- for self, for others
- good choice
Getting through Grief
- adult and youth version
- charting a course – 8 gifts God gives to help us through grief
conversation, forgiveness, love, hope, faith, community, purpose, presence
What practices help us connect to God, rather than turning away from God, in our grief?
Time to be in God’s presence
Dialogue with God
Watching for God’s work
Tell us about any particular resources you would recommend for grieving and growth.
Resurrection story of Jesus
Joy of the Lord is our strength
Romans 8
Lazarus
Jacob wrestling with God
“Struggle Well” - https://amzn.to/38D6NKf
“God Meant it for God” by RT Kendall - https://amzn.to/30KT5R7
Henri Nouwen “The Return of the Prodigal Son” - https://amzn.to/3liViMW
People in recovery programs
*these are affiliate links
The research:
2017 – 3 part research project – confirmands, young adults (2000+), focus groups YA
Relationships Count available for free - https://www.cph.org/p-34106-relationships-count-engaging-retaining-millennials-ebook-edition.aspx
Other research available:
Fuller Youth Institute Sticky Faith Research
https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/stickyfaith/research
Barna Trends in Youth Ministry:
https://www.barna.com/research/the-priorities-challenges-and-trends-in-youth-ministry/
Goal: Youth can name five people who walked with them.
- know their name
- know several things about them
- check in with them outside of programs
What elements make up a supportive relationship?
Retaining the relationship over time
Caring in joys and sorrows
Christ-centered example of living out faith in life
Openness to letting them walk with you through life
preparing for transitions and responding to crisis
Cloud of witness, varied perspectives
What is missing for youth and young adults if they don't have supportive relationships in their lives outside their family members?
Being seen and heard, listened to – being a mirror to the value God has for them
People to identify their gifts, skills, and passions
sacrificial love and knowledge of the truth
Bringing law and gospel to them in the most accurate way
What are some ways adults can nurture relationships with teens? How do those relationships change and grow as those teens enter young adulthood?
Champion for youth – church workers and invested lay people
Find the young people
Foster connection – find ways to maintain relationships into adulthood
Ways to keep the relationship going -
More than one touchpoint, keep coming back
Makes things special around transitions still
Re-opening mindfully with value-added
Who was there for you?
with guest Heather Ruesch
Focus:
We grow best not in meeting with God occasionally or even regularly, but in God’s presence in our life always.
When was a moment you had the sense of the presence of God’s Spirit?
God invites us to know His Spirit.
Psalm 139:7
What places in your life do you find it’s easy to forget that God is present with you?
God invites us to know His faces, to connect with every part of His character.
Psalm 139:7
What kinds of things do you think leave people feeling like they have limited access to God?
God invites us to know eternity.
Psalm 139: 8
What phases or points in our development in this life do you notice give us a special opportunity to lean in and grow closer to God in relationship?
Find Heather here:
http://www.heatherruesch.com/
Find all the Always Growing segments on lifespan development and Psalm 139 here:
https://heidigoehmann.com/blog
with guest Heather Ruesch
Focus:
We grow not just in knowledge of God, but when we remember who God is and what He’s done for us.
Which are you more comfortable with in your relationship with God:
knowledge or experiences?
God is omniscient.
Psalm 139:4
Where do you see the evidence that God knows us wholly or altogether?
God is interested. God sees the details.
Psalm 139:3
Name a Scripture story that helps you remember God has the whole plan, our whole path, before Him
God is near.
Psalm 139:5
What kinds of things in life help us remember our dependence on God?
Find Heather here:
http://www.heatherruesch.com/
Find all the Always Growing segments on lifespan development and Psalm 139 here:
https://heidigoehmann.com/blog
Special guest: Darcy Paape, director of the Women’s Leadership Institute at Concordia University Wisconsin and author of Someone to Walk With
What is mentoring?
Intentional
Organic
Being willing to share both strengths and weaknesses
Creating relationships and creating spaces
What is the person looking for?
Examples: Affirmation? Coaching? Evaluation? Someone to listen?
Building blocks of mentoring: Humility & Willingness
Cross-generational mentoring examples:
Elizabeth and Mary
Ruth and Naomi
Building blocks of mentoring: Communicating & Commitment
Finding a mentor
God with us in the challenges
Identify the ally or sweeper to help you connect to someone
Resources:
Someone to Walk With by Darcy Paape - https://amzn.to/3mhC09P
Someone to Walk With Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/someonetowalkwith
Thanks for the Feedback - https://amzn.to/2LBgTCI
The Reluctant Witness: Discovering the Delight of Spiritual Conversations - https://amzn.to/3oN4WrV
University of New Mexico – Mentoring Institute + Conference - https://mentor.unm.edu/
Wake Forest University – Mentoring Resource Center - https://mentoring.opcd.wfu.edu/
Women’s Leadership Institute Mentoring Workshops - http://wlicuw.org/
darcy.paape@cuw.edu
What playgrounds do you remember being in your life as a kid?
Purpose of playgrounds
Purpose of Being
Being + doing is the goal, holding both together
God’s relationship to being
Examples in Scripture
Colossians 3:23-24
Colossians 3:17
God’s relationship to doing
Examples of Scripture
Mary and Martha in all of our lives
In what ways are you being with God? In what ways are you doing for/with God?
Sense of worth = an internal awareness that as created creatures of God we have value
How does God’s delight in us inform our sense of worth?
- Concept of mutual delight, God to us and us to God
Struggle with worth - Delight is not determined by what I do.
- Seeing our worth based on our relationships with people
- Worth based on what we do or my performance
Engaging in God out of response
- playing from delight v playing for it
- what is our vantage point of God? Father of Love v. Father of Judgement
Our worth within the narrative of God’s plan:
Creation to New Creation
Holding the tensions of life together to see God’s delight is still with us in difficult things:
repentance and delight
the now and not yet
Justin’s book – Delight! Discipleship as the Adventure of Loving and Being Loved: https://amzn.to/2HDOzxm*
*this is an affiliate link
Episode 7 – The Truth about Mental Health: Hope
Special guest: Tanner Olson, aka Written to Speak
Get to know Tanner
Why is hope so important for our mental health and for our relationships?
Hope changes the narrative
Hope as the bridge between mental health and our relationships
The power of sharing narrative
Sharing hope on the internet
Hope with words
Hope without words
Honoring the heavy to get to the hope
Sitting alongside someone in the back and forth of sharing brokenness and hope
Finding Joy in our smallness before God
Poetry Break: Somedays
Searching for a definition of Hope
Big H hope and small h hope
Big and small spaces for sharing hope
Poetry Break: Stay
What are the tiny things of life that give us hope?
What’s your confetti cake?
Find out what their Star Wars, or their Space Jam, or their confetti cake is
Poetry Break: As You Go + pg. 57
Find Written to Speak:
https://www.writtentospeak.com/
https://www.facebook.com/writtentospeak
https://www.instagram.com/writtentospeak/
https://twitter.com/writtentospeak
With Special Guest, Sue Steege
Director of Christian Education, transformation and discipleship ministry focus
Goal – making it safe and doable for parents to be faith growers
Moving from Wow to Win
How can I set up a win for a parent to transmit the faith?
How can I set up a safe way for parents to feel successful in sharing their faith?
What opportunity can I set up for families to participate in faith together?
Contribution:
Allowing and creating opportunities for contribution
Follow up with those in the communities
What opportunities can we offer for kids to be able to contribute?
What do kids have to contribute?
Vulnerability:
How do kids open us to the heart of God?
Engaging other adults in teaching kids to form many supportive relationships
Extending invitations continuously
Walking through hard times in life together
Attachment, brain science, and faith
Ideas from Sue:
Use the Bible App to teach parents to lead a family devotion
Goodnight with Sue and Zanmi, teaching parents to give a blessing - https://youtu.be/K9OY5H9Q4eQ
Give kids space to worship
Prayer partners during worship
Prayer parties with blankets
Resources:
Just a Phase – OrangeBooks
The Other Half of Church - https://amzn.to/2FzpItG
Kindling the Heart Family Devotions - https://amzn.to/3mt4izB
(*amazon links are affiliate links)
Did you have a stuffed animal or a “lovie” growing up?
What was your relationship to the lovie?
What do stuffed animals do for kids?
What can stuffed animals teach us about Jesus?
Comfort –
a physical reminder of the abstract comfort we need as kids
a sense of power and agency with something that is smaller than them
Representation of the abstract, sometimes hard to access, comfort Jesus brings
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Sensory input, but also knowledge we can seek out what we need
Comfort for fears
Companionship -
Knowing we aren’t alone, something to hold but also a special friend
Physical thing, but also powerful
Representative of the compassion of Jesus
Feeding of the 5000 (Matthew 14)
Representative of the gentleness of Jesus
Palm Sunday, riding in on a donkey (Matthew 21)
Let the little children come to me (Matthew 19)
Marriage as a Process…Not a Product
What kinds of things in life do you want instant fruit or instant rewards?
What kinds of things would you like your spouse to just know about you?
Read Ephesians 4:11-16. Where do you see truth and love alive throughout the timeline of your marriage?
What does the process of healing or forgiveness look like in your marriage?
Wellness Exercise:
Open the conversation in your marriage around this discussion: How have we grown since last month?
YouTube Video Link:
https://youtu.be/6lDHfC5xBjU
Find all the Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at:
https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Special Guest: Matt Schuler, pastor and friend
What is trust?
Heidi’s definitions of trust:
https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/always-growing-what-is-trust
Designed for trust in God
Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust impacted by brokenness
Psalm 28:7
Is God trustworthy?
Cultural norms
Boundaries and trust
- Dare to Lead elements of trust - https://amzn.to/3kH7bf5 (affliate link)
Walking forward with trust wounds
Find more resources on trust, mental health, and genuine relationships at heidigoehmann.com
12 Days of Physical Touch
What are the purposes of physical touch in marriage? What are the benefits of physical touch in marriage?
How do physical touch and sexuality change in different stages of marriage?
Name a time your partner comforted you with physical touch.
What difference in capacities for physical touch do you and your spouse have, if any?
Wellness Exercise:
Read Matthew 19:13-15. Consider how love, affection, and belonging is communicated in your household? In what ways is physical touch a part of this communication, and what one idea regarding touch might you add to your marriage or family relationships?
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/L43RiUi8bzw
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at:
https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Special Guest: Justin Hanneman, PhD, LIMHP, pastor
GracePoint Relational Health
https://www.relationalhealth.org/
What is attachment?
“secret sauce”
Trust, sense of safety, and attachment from infancy to adulthood
Sense of safety at the subconscious level
Implicit memory + early relationships
Definition of implicit memory = https://dictionary.apa.org/implicit-memory
Love your neighbor and a
God as perfect attachment figure while we imperfectly try to love one another.
“Attentive caregivers are the answer.”
“We’re not always here to deliver from as caregivers, but to deliver in.”
How attachment happens:
Available
Capable
Willing
Finding the relationships we need
Two types of relationships
What are our attachment needs right now in this stage of development?
Paying attention to our attachment reflexes
Brain health, mental health, and attachment
Grace, self-compassion, other-compassion, and attachment
Find more resources and discussion on mental health and genuine relationships at heidigoehmann.com
Love and Respect Got to Do with It
Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/whats-love-and-respect-got-to-do-with-it
Read Ephesians 4:32 and Ephesians 5:21. How do each verse impact the whole of how we understand love and respect within our marriages?
How is respect important in a marriage? How is love important in a marriage? How do the two overlap?
Which is the most challenging for you – assuming the best in your spouse, talking nicely when emotions are high, or dealing with submission in concept or reality?
Wellness Exercise:
How do you make decisions in your marriage? Where do you see love and respect in this process? How can you bring more love and respect, as well as grace, into this process?
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/xjQ2bRgJzz0
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at:
https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Why the First Year of Marriage is So Hard
Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/family/first-year-marriage-stinkin-hard
Radio spot: https://www.kfuo.org/2017/12/01/faf-120117-first-year-marriage-hard/
What memories do you have from your first year of marriage? Be sure to include at least one hard memory and one happy memory.
What kinds of things do you think can or do make that first year of marriage more growth-oriented?
How did you respect and create your own new family in your first few years of marriage? What would you do differently if you had it to over again?
Wellness exercise:
What can you celebrate about one another today? Take turns telling your spouse three ways they make your life better.
More on leaving and cleaving:
https://youtu.be/M7V5OIixM_I
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/LLQe5E9mwG4
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at:
https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Treasuring Up in Marriage
Read Luke 2:16-19
What kinds of things do you think Mary was pondering or treasuring up?
What kinds of things in marriages, in general, are helpful to “treasure up”?
What kinds of things can you treasure up in your own marriage? What moments are in the treasure store of your marriage?
Wellness exercise:
When you look across the difficult times in your marriage or life together, consider 2-3 things that can be treasured up from those experiences together.
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/3_MM6Rn38j4
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at:
https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
What to Do When Your Spouse Gets on Your Nerves
How do kindness and a sense of humor help when talking about difficult things or prickly things in marriage?
Read Matthew 7:3-5. What kinds of things do you think are worth discussing and getting upset about in marriage and life, and what kinds of things are not?
What is the difference between internally reflecting and responding when your spouse gets on your nerves?
Wellness exercise:
Kindly discuss one thing you each do that gets on the other’s nerves and utilize the question, “Why does this bother me?” to reflect on the internal value is wrapped up in the irritability? Or consider the question, “How should we deal with this together?”
YouTube Video Link:
Podcast episode: 30
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Love & Honor Your Mother-in-Law
How does our culture represent mother-in-laws?
Read Genesis 2:24-25. Brainstorm any relationships impacted by leaving and cleaving and what impacts you see in your own marriage.
How can we care for one another in the family through the transition of leaving and cleaving?
Wellness exercise:
Name a few ways your own marriage has been impacted in both positive and more challenging ways by in law relationships. Rejoice over the gifts those relationships have brought and pray over at least one of the ways those relationships are challenging.
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/M7V5OIixM_I
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
When Contempt Threatens
Describe contempt in your own words. Which aspects of contempt stick out to you the most?
What does respect do for a marriage?
Consider the list of concrete ways contempt is given. Which of these strongly effect you, no matter where they are given?
Read 2nd Samuel 6:16-23. What emotions are behind Michal’s contempt?
Wellness Exercise: Watch a tv show together and watch for ways the characters show contempt in home life. Imagine ways together that they might recover from each of those moments of contempt.
Resources: Love and Respect Workbook
https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/
Youtube video link: https://youtu.be/_ONqehzZBEE
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Will You Fight for Me?
What do you each remember most about your wedding?
In what ways do you fight for one another in your marriage?
How is forgiveness part of fighting for one another in marriage?
How do you show each other you are fighting for one another?
Wellness exercise:
Make a list together of three things you value together in your marriage and discuss concrete ways you fight for these things in your marriage, or new ways you can prioritize them in your marriage.
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/hqIwmHkAyks
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Three Places to Never Argue
Questions:
Where have you argued and it hasn’t gone well?
When and how have you experienced struggles in arguing in any of the three places:
Riding in the car
In the bedroom (especially preparing for bed)
In front of other adults
What value is there in letting an argument rest a bit? Why is this hard at times?
Wellness exercise:
Consider what are two of your “hot button” topics that often lead to arguments in your house and use Galatians 5:13-15 to pray for these two topics.
Arguing in front of children article:
https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/argue-front-children-naked-unashamed-disagreement
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/NE90yRjctKI
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
A Marriage that Bends
Questions:
What magic answers are out there for marriage? What magic answers do you think people utilize to get to marriage growth?
How can 1st Corinthians 8:1 inform our marriages?
What things in the world attempt to “break” our marriage? Where is the comfort in knowing that God doesn’t break us or our marriage?
How do you get the oxygen of Christ into your marriage, even as He is already a part of it when we don’t see it in the busy every day?
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/7XMkDYYnpks
Wellness exercise:
Whether it takes 1 minute or 30 minutes each day, identify one way to add a little more Jesus into your marriage every day for the next week or month.
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Why Repair Attempts Matter
Questions:
What topics of things poke at us and start a negative slide or cycle in arguments?
How do you usually switch gears or change focuses when you are having an argument and need to relieve some pressure from the conversation?
What repair attempts might you use intentionally?
What repair attempts might you be using subconsciously?
Wellness exercise:
Create a catch phrase or code word to utilize as a repair attempt that you can use intentionally and then practice using it for one week at least.
*iCarly show reference: https://icarly.fandom.com/wiki/IWant_My_Website_Back
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/G6WvVt2ZNt0
Find Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or youtube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Grouchiness in Marriage
Questions:
What makes you grouchy? Especially in marriage, keeping a household, and family life?
How does the law motivate in marriage, or does it?
How does the gospel motivate more fully or better in marriage?
What does the gospel look like when you’d like to see a change in your marriage?
Wellness exercise:
Identify one change you’d like to see in your marriage. Consider what the Law would communicate about that problem and what the Gospel communicates about that problem. Where might you start with a Gospel oriented solution?
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/t1xItqqh1dE
Find Always Growing videos:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or youtube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Who are Your Marriage Rockstars?
Who do we look to in our culture(s) or as couples to tell us what marriage should look like or be like?
Read John 6:67-68. Where does God tell us to go?
What difference does the Word of God make in discerning what our marriages should look like?
Who are your marriage rockstars?
Wellness exercise:
If you currently have marriage mentors, give them a call, a card, or a text to say hello and check in. Try asking them a question like, “Who taught you what you know about marriage?” or “What Bible verses or passages have been helpful for you to understand marriage better?” If you do not have marriage mentors, identify together who might make a good couple to ask for mentoring from… then ask. Define what that relationship will look like for both couples involved – is it casual - just watching to grow - should there be check ins, etc?
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/dJoFd0Hv5Sk
Podcast episode: 22
YouTube extras:
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversation videos in your podcast or youtube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
The Power of Pursuit
What are your communications like on a day to day basis?
What parts of the statement, “Pursuit is still necessary,” do you agree or disagree with?
What benefits are there to still pursuing our spouse in marriage?
Song of Songs 8:5-6
What gets in the way of sacrificially pursuing our spouse, both personally and for people in general?
Wellness exercise:
Consider two ways you can sacrificially pursue your spouse this week and engage in carrying one of them out in the next seven days.
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/SfGpVXWP0Xc
Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversation videos in your podcast or youtube feed.
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Always Growing...in Marriage
Riding the Storms
What storms of life come into people’s marriages?
What kind of storms or changes have you experienced in your marriage?
Matthew 8:24-25
How can we remind one another we are in it together?
Wellness exercise:
Practice praying together once a day, holding hands, for 5 days straight.
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/g-ccQmXC-Ls
The Marriage Sandwich
What might your marriage sandwich check-ins look like?
What rituals of connection do you already have?
How does your stage of life impact your ability to connect and check in with one another?
How do you ease the transitions in your days?
Wellness exercise:
Consider times you have connected well and other times you have not connected well. Acknowledge both to one another and ask God to forgive the hurts and praise Him for the successes.
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/w02kj_wai0s
Reference: gottman.com
Marriage and the Fallen World
How does the culture around you view people?
How do you think those cultural views impact marriages, your own and others? In other worlds, why does the fallen world matter in marriage?
John 1:16
What opportunity do you see in recognizing the fallenness in your own marriage? Where do you see grace alive in your marriage?
Wellness exercise:
Consider three ways you can bring more grace and forgiveness in your marriage today.
YouTube video link:
https://youtu.be/G1qFctomDZ8
Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites
https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/
https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann
Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships
Same and Different
What is the same about the two of you?
What is different about the two of you?
Ephesians 2:10
What are the tattoo discussions in your marriage?
How can do we grow by talking things out and how do we grow by letting something go for a time?
Wellness exercise:
Celebrate your sameness and your differences together today in some way.
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/R6bbcf_9NPc
Unpacking the baggage of the word “Church”
What is it?
Body of Christ, believers, gathering around the Word together
The church in transformation
Very basic:
Matthew 18:20
local community
Gathering/meeting together
Moderate concept:
Little c and Big C Church
The family unit as mini-church
Encouraging and building one another up
Hebrews 10:24-25
Acts 2:46-47
Colossians 3:16
Advanced:
We will all look different as individuals and as churches
We have different functions and contexts
Romans 12:4-5
Question of the day: Is God too serious?
God has a sense of humor, which is one of the reasons we have a sense of humor.
Why do we have a hard time seeing God as playful?
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” Psalm 126:2
Psalm 126
God’s promise of salvation includes our mourning turning to laughter.
Laughter is good for our physical and mental health.
Ecclesiastes 3:4: “A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”
- There is a time for everything, including laughter
- We are created by God to have a sense of humor
- it’s good for our physical and mental health
He who sits in the heavens laughs Psalm 2:4
Psalm 2
This is not yin/yang. There is no equal power. God laughs at our attempts to live our own way. It’s better to live his way.
Question of the day: Is God too serious?
God has a sense of humor, which is one of the reasons we have a sense of humor.
Why do we have a hard time seeing God as playful?
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” Psalm 126:2
Psalm 126
God’s promise of salvation includes our mourning turning to laughter.
Laughter is good for our physical and mental health.
Ecclesiastes 3:4: “A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”
- There is a time for everything, including laughter
- We are created by God to have a sense of humor
- it’s good for our physical and mental health
He who sits in the heavens laughs Psalm 2:4
Psalm 2
- This is not yin/yang. There is no equal power. God laughs at our attempts to live our own way. It’s better to live his way.
How can you say yes to God and yes to laughter today?
Episode 15 – Ten Minutes of Journey
Growth-orientation of the faith walk:
God bringing me from where I’m at to where He wants me to be.
Long history of journeying in Scripture, since the garden of Eden and onward:
Hebrews 11:9-11
1 Chronicles 29:15 – Old Testament understanding of journeying
Distraction culture, good tools, and dialing into the journey
Journey through many different landscapes
Looking for different directions
Proverbs 3:5–6
Proverbs 16:9
We anguish over making the right decisions sometimes too much.
Take the next faithful step, and trust that God’s got this.
Romans 8:28
Moving to thinking spiritually
Ephesians 2:19-20
Sharing humanity with one another
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15)
Empathy takes time
Empathy takes energy
Sympathy stays on the surface
The place of worth in giving empathy
The place of capability in giving empathy
Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. (Isaiah 53:4)
Isaiah 53:1-7 - Suffering servant
Galatians 6:2-5
Independence, dependence, and interdependence
“We do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses” (Hebrews 4:15)
Hebrews 4:11-16
The word of God is powerful in itself, people don’t need my judgment added to it, but rather bringing empathy to the table brings Jesus into the room. Because Jesus is empathetic, I can be empathetic with His Light living in me.
Episode 12 – Grief: God of All Comfort
Intro – grief patch story from:
https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/loss-and-grief-grief-without-shame
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (ESV)
Psalm 10:14 (NIV)
God is thoughtful about our grief and holds our grief with us.
So we are: thoughtful about grief for one another, and we help one another hold the grief and the weight of that grief
Psalm 34:17-18 (NIV)
God of All Comfort = God of all losses
Exercise: write down all the losses that you’ve encountered personally, or those you see around them, then write the word All or God or Jesus or a favorite Bible verse over it
We have both – honor the losses and embrace the comfort
God isn’t far off – He is big, but also personal
Isaiah 53:3-4
Jesus encountered his own grief and entered into other people’s grief
Jesus took on the judgment of grief as well
Biblical narratives of loss:
Mary, Martha, Lazarus – loss of loved one, the experience of illness
Mary and John and the crucifixion – comfort in one another, finding a community to morn with
Joseph – loss of family, loss of freedom, loss of dreams, loss of promises, restoration
David – loss of men in battle, loss of an infant, loss of a son to betrayal
Solomon – Ecclesiastes, loss of time and opportunity, sense of hopelessness but comfort
Ruth and Naomi – widowhood, loss of livelihood, loss through moving
What loss narratives have given you comfort in Scripture?
Luke 7:11-17 (NIV)
What is loss?
Gravis (Latin) to weigh down
Gravare (Latin) to make heavy
Grever (Old French) to burden or afflict
It's ok to ask lots of questions. It's ok to struggle.
Open the Word, gather with supportive people.
What kinds of loss come to mind for you when we talk about the idea of loss and grief?
There is no rushing loss and grief.
There is no hierarchy of loss or grief.
We witness to one another's struggle, and we witness His Word and what He's doing in the struggle to one another.
Your grief matters. Your grief is worthy of honor.
Disenfranchised grief:
https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-examples-of-disenfranchised-grief/
Honoring many different losses – sharing stories
Losses not by death
Dealing with shame and relief and other complicated emotions in a loss
Losses with debilitating or chronic illness
Losses in marriage
Losses in less recognized relationships
Finding hope in the many losses:
God sustains us in any loss with His strength.
Growing to learn each day is a gift.
Nothing can separate us from God's love. Nothing. (Romans 8)
Recognizing the many losses in the Book of Job.
Isaiah 61:3
This is not all we have. Jesus brings restoration.
No easy answers. We simply witness alongside one another in the many losses of life.
Find other resources in the Grief and Loss series:
heidigoehmann.com
https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmannwrites
https://www.youtube.com/heidigoehmannwrites
2-part series –
complicated things we experience in our mental health internally
complicated things we experience in our mental health externally
Blog series at heidigoehmann.com – The Many Sides of Mental Health
https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/not-so-simple-the-many-sides-of-mental-health
Dualities in mental health we are covering in this series:
Agency (choice) and happenstance
Relationships and self-differentiation
Worth and Humility
Acceptance and Constant Work
Microaggressions and Good Intentions
Apathy and Passion
Age 4 and Age 40
Making peace with a bit of mystery and the complications of life –
Ephesians 1:7-9
There is always more to know, to discover, more mystery. That's a good thing of God.
One day, when Jesus comes back, we will see everything more clearly.
We exist in both contentment and wrestling. Again, this is a good thing of God.
Without the wrestling, the stress is often increased in one way or another.
Today’s dualities are highly relational dualities, often reflected in our closest relationships:
Agency & Happenstance - Which does our culture lean more toward? Which do we lean more toward? How can we exist in both?
- brokenness and choice
- privelege and choice
Relationships & Self-Differentiation - How do we understand us within our relationships with one another? How do we understand ourselves outside of our relationships with God alone?
- Bowen's family systems theory
- empathy v. trying to hold someone else's emotions and anxiety
Microaggressions & Good Intentions - Where do we see microaggression in our midst? In what ways can we be honest and bring those to the light, so that we can have confession and forgiveness as a community and own the ways we have hurt others or devalued others?
- define microaggression
- being honest to cut out racism and sexism and the -isms in our midst
- no matter the intention, there is a place for confession and forgiveness
The Truth about Mental Health: We all have it.
Find the whole article series:
https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/not-so-simple-the-many-sides-of-mental-health
2-part series – complicated things we experience in our mental health internally
complicated things we experience in our mental health externally
Blog series at heidigoehmann.com – The Many Sides of Mental Health
https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/not-so-simple-the-many-sides-of-mental-health
Paradox and duality and the complications of life
Mental Health brushes up against:
morality
lifestyle choices
the weird and wildness of our bodies
relationships
What dualities exist around us and in our life?
dualities of God
https://heidigoehmann.com/the-mighty-and-the-mysterious
Examples of dualities in our lives
Some of the dualities of mental health:
Agency (choice) and happenstance
Relationships and self-differentiation
Worth and Humility
Acceptance and Constant Work
Microaggressions and Good Intentions
Apathy and Passion
Age 4 and Age 40
Mental health is complicated because of internal workings and also because of external things, particularly because we exist in relationship.
Internal Dualities of mental health:
Worth and Humility - self-esteem, Child of God identity, and The Ego
Acceptance and Constant Work - living in reality but putting in some effort where we can
Apathy and Passion - letting God do His work, but also being zealous in ours
Age 4 and Age 40 - God sees and cares for us at every stage and knits our past, present, and future
Ephesians 4:6
The Truth about Mental health, just like every part of us is that it has many, many sides and life in relationship: it’s not so simple, but wholeheartedly worthwhile
Episode 8 – Dive Deeper: Good Gifts
Happy Release Day! Happy Book Birthday!
The many things in life we would easily call good
Good = complicated
What does God say is good v. what I say is good -
heidigoehmann.com/blog/what-does-god-call-good
A Reading from Good Gifts
Addressing the concept of congruence
Study overview –
6 weeks or segments, 4 days or readings in each, average of 3 pages each
Embedded questions and discoveries with white space for thoughts and journaling
6 free videos on YouTube, about 20-25 minutes each, with discussion questions for groups
Other freebies: Prayer Walk and visual faith tools
All found at: https://heidigoehmann.com/goodgifts
What good things are you learning? What good things about God do you see in your life at present?
Episode 7 - Courage (and JOMO)
Vulnerability Recap:
It chooses to see the bigger picture.
It’s connecting.
It's a spiritual practice.
Episodes in this series:
Vulnerability (and Boudaries)
Lack (and Enough)
What is courage?
internal processes
external relational experience
Courage is relational and sacrificial.
Simon Sinek: https://youtu.be/fQjnW3_78a8
Courage is vulnerable.
Brene Brown: https://youtu.be/PVynHlI1fac
Courage comes from encouragement, not just mental stamina.
Joshua 1:1-9
Courage isn’t only from the internal sense that “we can do it!” but the external sense that we are not alone.
Courage is just as much about staying in as it is going out.
- this can look big or small in our lives
JOMO - finding joy in missing out
ending the comparison game
Isaiah 53
"When it comes to courage we tend to ask ourselves the question:
What big thing am I doing?
I think the real way we discern courage in our lives is really by asking the question:
Where am I allowing myself to be seen?"
Find the series of articles and podcasts on vulnerability at heidigoehmann.com
Episode 6 – Lack (and Enough)
New series:
Episode 5: Vulnerability (and Boundaries)
Episode 6: Lack (and Enough)
Episode 7: Courage (and JOMO)
What is lack?
Lack can be real, but hyperawareness creates scarcity
Where do we see it in individuals, families, and the church? (and what's the result)
1 fear and shame
2 hyperawareness and fixation v awareness of what we need
3 tucking in rather than connecting
4 never satisfied, running on empty
Lack as an individual
What dynamics play into our experience of lack v enough?
What areas did we experience a sense of lack in our family of origin?
Lack in community
Where is lack surfacing in your church, workplace, or other organization – is creativity and/or brainstorming allowed?
What has God given us here?
What is it that He has given us that is enough?
What does God say about lack?
Jesus in the Gospels
Philippians 4:9-13
Genesis 22
Romans 3:23-25
How do we combat lack?
Practice of enough – You are enough. I am enough. He is enough. Enough in Christ.
Culture of gratitude – link to Peace in His Presence podcast - https://michellediercks.com/podcast/
leaning into fear and wrestling rather than pushing it away
Cow thanksgiving - sunshine and leftovers = enough
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (affiliate link)
Episode 5 – Vulnerability (and Boundaries)
New series:
Episode 5: Vulnerability (and Boundaries)
Episode 6: Lack (and Enough)
Episode 7: Courage (and JOMO)
Vulnerability
Definitions - the good, bad, and ugly
New definition:
Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
https://amzn.to/2pYlyE2 (affiliate link)
Vulnerability mantra or repeated phrase:
“Because I love God, I love people. I will be vulnerable.”
Vulnerability without grace on the return closes the relationship
Vulnerability with grace = safety and growth
God the Father as the Safest Space
3 Concepts of Strength in Vulnerability
Strength 1 - It chooses to see the bigger picture.
Colossians 3:1-4
Strength 2 - It’s connecting.
2 Corinthians 6:11-13
Strength 3 - It’s a spiritual practice.
Because I love God, I love people. I will be vulnerable.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Episode 4 – Mystery of Prayer
Special Guest: Michelle Diercks, Peace in His Presence Podcast
https://michellediercks.com/podcast/
Mighty and Mysterious Release episode with Heidi: http://traffic.libsyn.com/michellediercks/heidi.mp3
Colossians 3:15-17
A Reading from The Mighty and The Mysterious, pg. 179
Where do dwelling and prayer connect?
- Making time for God
- Reading the Word
- Listening to music about God
- Awareness of His presence
Bob Goff quote – Love Does
https://amzn.to/2odEwpr
Prayer and our relationship with God
Sometimes God changes us, rather than fixes things for us.
God enjoys us even when we’re not enjoyable.
Prayers impact on our relationships with our family and close friendships
Colossians 1:9-11
Psalm 27:14 and connecting where God has put someone we love, even far away
The mystery and might of praying together in marriage
Friendship stamina – prayer as a response to friendship struggles
The Church and the mystery of prayer
When church is painful
The intimacy under the surface
Psalm 51
Showing one another how to pray
Episode 3 – Mystery of Church
A reading from the Mighty & The Mysterious, pg. 214 – a little glimpse into the Church on Earth
The Church = people, community, life together
Perfect & Far from Perfect
Broken & Redeemed
Order and organization + Family Life
How is the church mysterious like family?
How would the church look different if we treated it like a family?
Family life -> church life
Affection
Ephesians 5
Song of Songs
Value of each person
Vulnerability
Connecting activities/rituals
Celebrating Pentecost ideas:
https://blog.cph.org/read/to-the-church-on-her-birthday
Eating together and learning/growing together
Impact of criticism, contempt, isolation, and dysfunction
What questions do you have about the mystery of the Church on Earth?
Podcast Question – What is a relationship that has influenced you?
Jeanie, mentor and friend
The Mighty and The Mysterious: https://amzn.to/34SF98i
Simple Church: https://amzn.to/2LBbdpW
(These are affiliate links.)
Episode 2 – Mystery of Relationship
Intro: God as the Great Connector
- mystery to God’s connecting work
- the gift of God’s connecting work
Know and Being Known
Genesis 1
Genesis 2:18-25 – the creation of marriage, not just marriage
Knowing with God
- the connection of grace to knowing – forgiveness, questions, confessing our stuff, telling him our difficult emotions and pain
- What could we ask God if we had no shame before Him?
Knowing with our Family and Friends
- Is there anyone you feel you can be your true self with and still be loved and accepted?
- What does that relationship look like that helps us know we are known and it’s that place of acceptance and grace?
Knowing in the Church
- God’s idea for giving us a place to be known and be safe
- How do we know each other in the church than in the people of God differently outside of that?
- What depth should there be in the relationship of believers?
- How do we build up that knowing in the Body of Christ?
How does hiding (Genesis 3) impact knowing?
Safety
The difference between Known and Safe
Safety in development
Safety within the home
Safety in knowing we aren’t alone in belief, being honest with what isn’t safe in the church
Podcast Question – What is a relationship that has influenced you?
My mom -Looking at the process of relationship
Welcome to Season 3!
Episode 1 – The Mighty Mystery of God
4 Episode series:
The Mighty Mystery of God
The Mighty Mystery of Relationships
The Mighty Mystery of Prayer
The Mighty Mystery of the Church
Episode Design- this mystery’s impact on our relationship with God, our relationship with others, and our relationships within the church
Mystery of God 101
It’s time to become OK with questions.
God is not deceptive.
God is mighty. He is bigger than we are.
What is the impact of the mystery of God on my relationship with God?
The place of mightiness
The place of honesty
The place of control
The place of knowing
What is the impact of the mystery of God on my relationship with other people?
Conversation about creation and the Creator
Admitting we are uncomfortable, don’t know, or don’t understand
What is the impact of the mystery of God on my relationship with the community of the church?
Imagine if we could have an open place to ask our questions and admit we don’t have all the answers
We have to take off the masks of good and right and holy, so we can be ourselves and ask our questions
God is both powerful and personal. He doesn’t just have to fit in one box.
Is God in the &?
Colossians 3:11 – the ALL of Christ
The podcast question: What is a relationship that has influenced you?
Name change time!
I Love My Shepherd -----> Life in Relationship
What's coming at you this season?
Where do I get the resources?
First episode drops September 10th.
In the meantime, visit me at heidigoehmann.com
YouTube @heidigoehmannwrites
Facebook @heidigoehmannwrites
Instagram @heidigoehmann
Snapchat @heidiadventures
ILMS25 – WII: Prodigal Mercy
Release Date: May 14
Special Guest: Paula Isakson, Faith Family Reunions
Paula’s Story
The “I Don’t Know” Moment
The connection between childhood experience and faith development
We all have shame and grace moments
Lies we believe and the whiny voice
God writes our testimonies
Restoration is better than what we started with
Law as a shape for grace
Looking forward to the reunion in heaven
Shame is nothing in Jesus
Who helps you sort through Who God is?
Faith Family Reunions
Website: https://www.faithfamilyreunion.com
Newsletter Sign Up: https://www.faithfamilyreunion.com/contact-us
Welcome With Video: (at bottom): https://www.faithfamilyreunion.com/welcome
Testimony Video: https://www.faithfamilyreunion.com/announcements
Link to curriculum: https://www.faithfamilyreunion.com/Faith-Family-Reunion-Curriculum-
heidigoehmann.com or ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/ilovemyshepherd
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @heidigoehmann
Instagram - @heidigoehmann
Snapchat - @heidiadventures
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS24 – YA: Still
Release Date: May 7
Psalm 46:10-11
Let’s take a poll –
How many of you want to live your best life?
How many of you want to live a junky life, or even a so-so life?
What do people need for their best life? (Consider as a group or on your own.)
Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs
https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html
We look at this list and can see some of our problems in the spaces on the pyramid
- Where are my friends? Do I have them?
- Worried about money for college or even food and our homes
- We might struggle with some sadness or depression
- What the heck am I here for? What should I do with my life?
- In down moments, we wonder if we’re really worthwhile, if we’re loved.
We start to feel anxious, certainly don’t feel like we’re living that best life.
Our #1 Need is…knowing God.
Knowing we have a real present God.
Our pyramid forgot its foundation.
Let’s find the foundation in Psalm 46:10-11:
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
- 11 - The Lordof hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Heidi’s Hierarchy of Need
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1kPUYvfeXnRg6NIf-9-Xd8icQRCo53Jr-
Here’s the thought I want you to remember today:
God has no needs. He just wants to know you.
And God is really our only need.
To get to the Stillness - less anxiety, feeling better, less overload and stress, and frustration, we need to Know God, walk this life with Jesus.
heidigoehmann.com or ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/ilovemyshepherd
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @heidigoehmann
Instagram - @heidigoehmann
Snapchat - @heidiadventures
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
IMLS 23 - Ten Minutes of Compassion
Ten Minute Truth #1 - Compassion assumes some discomfort
Ten Minute Truth #2 - Compassion includes the "and" of truth and mercy
What about discipline and truth?
Psalm 119:77 -Let your mercy come to me, that I may live; for your law is my delight.
Ten Minute Truth #3 - compassion includes a “but”
Nehemiah 9:16-19a
Ten Minute Truth #4 – love them anyway
We are going to need it ourselves
Mark 6
Matthew 9
heidigoehmann.com or ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/ilovemyshepherd
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @heidigoehmann
Instagram - @heidigoehmann
Snapchat - @heidiadventures
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.
ILMS 22 – Altogether Beautiful: Middle Schoolers and Teens
Altogether Beautiful Identity
Concept of the Sense of Self
They are asking: What are my personal values and beliefs? What are my goals? What are my ideas? Can I share them?
Ask: What they think about a current event? A big topic?
Build trust by listening, with no judgement, freedom to disagree, gentle guidance/boundaries
Dealing with comparison
Say: You are beautiful. But also You are strong. You are smart. You messed up. You are forgiven. You can figure this out. I’m happy to help. Tell me what you need.
Altogether Beautiful Friendship
Teach social skills: learning to listen, valuing conversation, asking questions, what demands a text, what is a snap chat, social media post, etc. what is public and private, humor v making fun,
Teach friendship skills: showing up when someone needs them, friendship is different than teamwork, friendship is different than similar interests, trust and confidentiality, listening to know, inviting and accepting invitation, encouragement
Find our “Others”:
What do you think a good friend looks like?
What part does forgiveness play in friendship?
What part does accountability and boundaries play in friendship?
Where is Jesus the perfect friend when others fail us?
Altogether Beautiful Faith
Jesus in everything
I Spy God at work
Ask: What is God up to? Where do you see Him? What do you think He wants from you? Where is He sending you?
Intentionally Drawing Near
Big theological concepts are important, relationships are more important
ILMS 21 – YA: Brought
The best way to make sense of God’s work in destruction is to remember what He is done and Who He is.
Psalm 46:8-9
Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
Brought
Desolations
End to war
- The grey area of destruction
- God does destroy and allow destruction, Ecc 3, God created for our benefit but He will work in destruction to reveal Himself, without Good Friday there is no Easter
- Hebrew for desolations = waste or horror
- (Shawmah) to (shawbath)
Come behold the works of the Lord
- what is there to behold that the Lord does?
- He place of rememberance in getting through life’s hard stuff
- Brainstorm-
God creates
God provides
God disciplines
God watches over
God changes - hearts and history
God saves
God brings in rest and restoration
Brought Israelites out of Egypt – Exodus 14-15
What were the hard parts (the destruction and loss) and where was the rest (victory)?
Brought His people into the Holy Land - Joshua 6
What was hard and what was rest?
Brought Jesus to the earth – Luke 1:26-2:40
What was hard and what was rest?
Brought the disciples to Jesus – Luke 5:1-11; Matthew 4:18-22
What was hard and what was rest?
Brought Jesus back to his throne – Acts 1
What was hard and what was rest?
Will Bring Jesus back to earth – Matthew 24; Revelation 21
What was hard and what was rest?
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/ilovemyshepherd
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 20 – Ministry Talks: Friendship and Ministry
1 Samuel 14:1-7 - Jonathan and his armor bearer
Step One of Friendship: Prayer
Step Two: Admitting friendship isn’t easy
Friendship will continue to be a challenge as long as we walk the earth
-
God = relational, Genesis 2:25
-
Satan likes isolation
-
dual relationships
-
Ministry and friendship are both personal
Step Three: Vulnerability = walking into a situation exposed
-
no hiding
-
Boundaries with flexibility
How do we drop the armor satan would put on us and pick up God’s armor so we can walk vulnerably into relationships?
1) Do the inviting
2) Know there will be hurt and pain
3) Two things that grow relationships – awkwardness and forgiveness
4) Addressing expectations directly, having uncomfortable conversations
5) Finding a script
Step Four: Mindfulness = awareness, bringing what is unconscious to consciousness
- consider the dynamics at play
6 things to be particularly mindful of for friendship in ministry
1) confidence and confidentiality
2) Misunderstandings and assumptions
3) Differences
4) Baggage
5) Power dynamics in ministry
- Address these honestly and upfront
6) Confusion of spirituality
Resources: Uninvited by Lysa Terkheurst
SWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche
Focus on the Family article about friendship for teens - https://www.focusonthefamily.com/pare...
Articles on friendship:
The Four Myths of Friendship https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...
Bring me a Friend, Lord! https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...
Tending Friendship https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...
Dessert Night https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...
Moving and friendship – addressed further in episode 15
ILMS 19 – Ten Minutes of Consolation
Consolation – “…the comfort received by a person after a loss or disappointment; a person or thing providing comfort to a person who has suffered…” (google dictionary)
Ten minute truth #1 – There are many and various losses and griefs of life
Ten Minutes Truth #2 – There are two types of consolation we can offer people:
The wrong way – Job 2
The Jesus way – John 11
Ten Minute Truth #3 – The power of showing up
Philippians 2:1-2
Ten Minutes Truth #4 - The Spirit intercedes
Advocate, Comforter, Counselor
The value of words of restoration
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 18 – YA: With
We often formulate our ideas of God based on our ideas of people.
Psalm 46:7
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
- This is a refrain of Psalm 46
- Refrain: something repeated
Question: Why might this be a useful chorus to repeat to ourselves or one another in our own lives?
What kinds of things happen in the Psalm and in our lives that draw us to remember and need God? What kinds of things cause us to forget God or set God aside?
God with us = Never alone, even at our loneliest, God in the middle of everything
Spiritual truth- We have a “With Us” God
Biblical Proof:
Zephaniah 3:17
What does God enjoy watching you do in life?
Joshua 1:9
Where is God going with you today?
Psalm 23:4
What kinds of shadows is God walking through with us?
Consider how God is with each person in these passages and what that means for us:
Judges 6:12
Matthew 28:20
Isaiah 7:14
Proverbs 18:10 - running to God to be with Him
The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
Drawing Near = running to our fortress and strong tower
https://blog.cph.org/read/4-ways-to-draw-near-in-the-new-year
ILMS 17 – Ten Minutes of Agape
With Pastor Matt Schuler
What in the world is Agape?
Ten Minute Truth #1 - Agape = sacrificial love
Sacrificial love v love for my pizza
What do we do when relationships disappoint?
Ten Minute Truth #2 - Agape = love that isn’t disrupted by anything
Romans 8:38-39 – What can separate us from God’s Agape Love?
Bethel Music – You Make Me Brave
https://youtu.be/MLgpFMWboYw
Ten Minute Truth #3 - Agape = no preference
Matthew 5 –brave love of those we don’t really want to love
Brave love against prejudice
Ten Minute Truth #4 - Agape = there when we fail
John 21
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
Show notes:
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. – Psalm 46:6
What images come to mind from this verse?How do people generally picture the end of the world?
Hebrews 1:1-3
Just like us, God speaks in different ways, speaking different messages at the different times we need them. Sometimes God speaks loud and sometimes God speaks soft.
Examples of God’s voice in the OT-
Find the example in each, how and where is God speaking.What do we learn about God and His character from the passage?What’s the message and why does the person need it?
Moses and bush – Exodus 3
David asking to build a temple – 2 Samuel 7
Eli and Samuel – 1 Samuel 3
Elijah and small voice – 1 Kings 19
How do we hear God’s voice?When does God speak loud in life figuratively and when does He speak soft figuratively?
How do we use our voices?What kinds of things do we say and do each day which speak God and do not speak God?
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/ilovemyshepherd
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdcommunity
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.All rights reserved.
ILMS 15 – Ministry Talks: 6 Dynamics of Ministry and Marriage
Vocation and amplification
Marriage Dynamic 1 – What’s Love and Respect Got to Do with it?
criticism and sensitivity
questions and practical suggestions
Marriage Dynamic 2 –They appreciate me!
Communicate early and often:
Ministry is not less when done at home
State what you need
Assume the best
Get very creative
Marriage Dynamic 4 – I don’t want to burden him/her!
The crazy caregiver cycle
What all needs your time - block days and creating time
Marriage dynamic 5 – But we have no money!
I wish we had just a little more
The miracle of a paycheck
Honoring provision
The struggle of debt (Ministry Talks - Finances and Budgeting -https://youtu.be/g4uIlLk4arQ
Marriage Dynamic 6 – The Spiritual Mountain top and the Spiritual Desert
Tending to faith and Co-conspirators
I Love My Shepherd, Marriage and Family page - https://ilovemyshepherd.com/marriage-and-family-1/
Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.com/
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/ilovemyshepherd
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdcommunity
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
YouTube video - https://youtu.be/YIGqMoUQCxE
ILMS 14 – Ten Minutes of Joy
With Matt Schuler
For the moment and eternally
Psalms emphasis on Joy, worshipful
John 16:22 – Jesus’s promise of Joy in Him, no one can take away
Grief transformed – looking to the Psalms
James 1:2-3 – joy in trials…for real?
Delight Biblically related to time with God, awareness of God working, time in God’s Word
Matthew 28 – the resurrection of Joy
Paradox and joy
Matthew 25 – humility and joy, abundance in joy, finding our place in joy
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/ilovemyshepherd
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdcommunity
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
Show notes- YA: Help
Fun Question: What kinds of New Year’s resolutions do people make?
-
Health
-
Money
-
Relationships
-
School/Work
Psalm 46:1-5, focus on v. 5
The sandwich of Help in Psalm 46, verse 1 and 5
Look at one example in the Bible of needing help and not asking for it, and one of wisely asking for help:
Exodus 18:13-17
Acts 6:1-6
What do you need help with?
Challenge: make a resolution and include who you will ask for help from
Ministry Talks 12 – Wellness for the Church Work Student
Physical wellness
Intellectual wellness
Spiritual Wellness
Emotional Wellness
Relational Wellness
Vocational Wellness
Wisdom from students
Wisdom from professors
Wisdom from other church workers
Special thanks to:
Julianna Shults, YA Corps - https://www.lcms.org/young-adult-corps
Dave Rueter, author and ministry leader
Deaconess Kristin Wassilak, Concordia University Chicago
Celina Haupt
Madalyn Short
Irene Swift
Special topic to come:
Financial Wellness – understanding student loans, considering alternatives
https://lfcu.everfi-next.net/student/dashboard/lfcu/paying-for-college
ILMS 11 – YA: Glad
YA series – ilovemyshepherd.com/ya
Psalm 46:4
4There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
What do you picture the place where God dwells?
Where does God live?
We are His habitation!
Why this matters…
Sometimes life feels like a big ball of Christmas lights
What can God do with that giant ball of Christmas lights?
Psalm 16:8-10
A psalm of David
What do you remember about David?
David was secure in God alone even after he made his own mess of life and life messed with him.
What makes our hearts glad?
What makes God’s heart glad?
Who holds your ball of lights with you?
Challenge:
Name one person who you can trust in to help untangle your Christmas lights with you.
Name on person who you can be that person for today.
Jesus makes Glad. Jesus makes Joy.
ILMS9 - The Truth about Mental Health: Suicidality
Suicide Prevention Hotline -
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Special guests: Brandon Hamilton, student, hiphop artist; Joshua Mertz, teacher
Podcast Outline
Brandon’s Song
The Ocean of Social Media
Body Image
John 10:10
Making faith your own
Just be the friend – be there for one person
One Last Breath on YouTube - https://youtu.be/KEV9ZPqKWqw
Koinonia groups
Sources of Strength - https://sourcesofstrength.org/
Brandon’s Lyrics –One Last Breath
Have you ever been so off track
That every breath you wish was your last
Wished you could put on a plastic mask that could change the fact that your past
Is hurting your present self so bad that you never laugh
Unless you’re in the presence of people so they don’t always have to ask
If you’re okay or why your face is red and your eyes always look sad
You can’t be mad cause they care but you hate explaining it drags
You back to the place you don’t wanna go anymore because of it leading to
All of the puddles of blood that you made on the floor from the lines on your wrist when you slashed
Do you live in darkness?
Heart ripped up from hardships?
Shadows creeping up closer every day and you’re the target
True love lost makes you jump off the edge into this dark cliff
Or you’re not cute enough you bruise and cut until your wrist is hard skin
Whatever the situation is please take a second and listen
You’re way too special to visit
The grave and let your life quicken
There’s so much beauty in and out. Don’t shake your head like there isn’t
Open your eyes and take my hand and maybe let it this vision
You and I may not know each other but both have been through some pain
I knew the ruthless game
That Lucifer played
Doubt grew into my brain
Hate and jealousy had preyed especially like flu in veins
I was truly a fool to blame
The Christ of whom for you was slain
What I’m saying ain’t fake
I relate because I’ve been grey
Not so great and my brain was raging with hate and making me crazed
Each day I was in pain and afraid I would waste away
This is what I would say until I learned I was saved
I’m getting sick of fighting for what I want. There’s no more defense
I’m tired of the well-deserved punishments that the lord has sent
I miss just being bored to death
It’s better than getting more depressed
Cause everything’s been crashing around me. My life’s been torn to shreds
More than less
It’s sorta been
A glorious mess
No more respect
I’m lying on the ground, Satan’s above me and his sword descends
It’s way too heavy for my chest
I’m forcing breaths
Record and send
Ev-er-y error that I have made, make the Internet full, I’m a royal pest
I’m used to saying “Jesus Christ” to curse
I need to see your light in church
But I am hurt, this fire burns
You need to redefine the terms
Instead of bleeding, crying, worse
Turn it to healing, smiling. Work
me into a teen disciple on earth
That would preach your life and serve
I thought then the dark storm clouds had their way with me
Patiently waiting ain’t saving so I went and prayed on my scraped up knees
It’s amazing, he came to me majorly changing the way I see
Hate has a cage up here while his grace took my heart and makes it beat
Back when I was saddened feeling hopeless I figured out
I should open my ears to the biggest mouth
That spoke and it made me lift my frown
I’m bigger now
With Him I’m proud
Im gifted, how?
He’s given to me all his scriptures
Delivered his gifts no doubt
I’ve forbidden the sin and don’t sit and pout
From god our creator
He gave us his son the savior
Today is the day we made up our brains and prayed for our haters
Get away from thangs that negate you to raise up to praise our maker
He’s what let me feel like a giant when ripped like a piece of paper
Happiness is magic when you haven’t had it! No adjectives
Can describe just how vast all this passion is cause he grabbed our sins
Took it with him, extracted it, threw it at Satan’s advocates
Our Lord isn’t your average patient weak little pacifist
Even in your darkest time
It’s hard defining dark from light
To spark the fire starts inside
With knowing you’re never too far from Christ
Our martyr tried with his hardest might
He fought and died for all our lives
But still lives inside your heart and mine
So you aren’t confined insular in this darkest of fights
Suicide Prevention Hotline -
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Connect with Brandon on social media -
Snapchat: @tranzlucentmc
Instagrams: TranzlucentEmcee
Tranzlucent_and_Strix
The struggle and joy of church work and holidaysThe struggle and joy of church work and holidays
Applying the ScripturesLoneliness factor:Psalm 68:4-6
Envy factor:1 Corinthians 3:3 1 Corinthians 13:4Proverbs 14:30
1) Keeping it in perspective-
The weight of holidays in the US
64% effected by the Holiday blues - https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/November-2015/Tips-for-Managing-the-Holiday-Blues
Remember that children are resilient, but sensitive
2) Christ came for you-
Take each holiday and apply it to yourself
Help family apply it to them
3) Getting Creative-
Ideas for getting fun and festive or doing nada
ILMS 8 - The Truth about Mental Health: Emotions
- YA: Tremble
Psalm 46:3
Internal and external turmoil
HCSB – “though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with its turmoil.”
What in the world feels chaotic, or adds to the turmoil of life?
Goal: We want our emotions to inform us, rather than lead us.
How do you like to let your emotions out, rather than roiling inside?
6 common spectrums of emotion:
1 – Warmth and acceptance
Inverse = loneliness and rejection
How does acceptance feel?
How is warmth and acceptance associated with happiness for us?
Romans 14:1-3
2 – Irritable, Frustrated, and Angry
Ephesians 4:26
1 Corinthians 13:5
Getting into the Word to change our mood
Asknig self: What’s in this? Why am I (fill in the blank)?
Finding someplace to put it
Psalm 37:8-9
3 – Discouragement, Sadness, and Depression
Inverse: Joy, Zeal, Engagement
Understanding and differences
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
How do you engage in life?
4 – Fear, Anxiety, and Worry
Fear and Creation
Anxiety – internal, biochemical, inner turmoil, broad
Worry – thought process related to something specific
What are you afraid of most?
What makes you anxious?
What worries do you have?
5 – Confusion or the Fog
The teenage brain, details, and early mornings
Sleeping and eating matter
Jeremiah 29:11
6 – Helplessness
When we feel like we have very little control
Mood swings – the struggle is real
Exodus 3:14
What is the most encouraging part of Who God is for you in the middle of the trembling?
Find the downloadable group talk sheet here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1mg_p1f_MsOULAaQsXtVvPb_X8wBh7tuG
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdcommunity
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked HCSB®, are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. HCSB® is a federally registered trademark of Holman Bible Publishers.
ILMS 7 – The Truth about Mental Health: Depression
Guest: Pastor Gabe Kasper
I Love My Shepherd Mental Health Core Value: Everyone has it.
Connections of physical, relational, mental, and emotional health.
Gabe’s story
Symptoms of depression – anxiety, insomnia, spiral thinking, panic attack, loss of focus, loss of motivation, frequent crying, desire to escape, suicidality and suicide ideation
Triggers and life transitions
The emotional spiral
- God’s work in our spiral
- When life doesn’t make sense
- He comes to us in our pit
Resources for depression:
Beck’s Inventory – ask a primary care provider (https://www.apa.org/pi/about/publications/caregivers/practice-settings/assessment/tools/beck-depression.aspx)
Useful at home mood and depression check - https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/depression-quiz/
Depression “comes out” in different ways for different people
The relationship of anger and sadness
Finding some help
- Seeing a doctor and addressing what our body needs
- Relearning the Gospel for this season
- Honestly speaking our hard thoughts and struggles
Leading from Vulnerability
- Suffering and Rejoicing together – 1 Corinthians 12:26
- Daring Greatly by Brene Brown - https://amzn.to/2SupTbR
Family Life and Depression
- The usefulness of humor
- The gift of support and advocating for your loved one
- The impact of parental support and authentic sharing
- Therapy for wellness - tending to mental health
Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordero - https://amzn.to/2D8Gn53
I Don’t Want to Talk about It by Terrence Real - https://amzn.to/2CPajSH
My Name is Hope by John Mark Comer – https://amzn.to/2JoKsSH
Searching the Psalms
Psalm 20
Psalm 22
2 Corinthians 7:6
Find Gabe –
@gabekasper1
Pint Glass Preachers –
On iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pint-glass-preachers/id1088572156?mt=2
On Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pintglasspreachers/
More on the CS Lewis quote - http://www.cslewisinstitute.org/C_S_Lewis_on_the_Problem_of_Pain_page3
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 6 - YA: Moved
Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Fun question: What mountains have you been to? Where? What did you think? What pictures have you seen of mountains? What stood out?
Who controls the mountains?
What is scary about the idea of the mountains falling?
What is fear?
Fear respect v. fear anxiety
Page through Genesis 1,2, and 3 –
God creates, we have no fear,
sin brings fear
What evidence do you see of no fear and then fear?
What are the what ifs of life?
God works good in our messes, even in fear.
Job 9:4-6
He is wise in heart and mighty in strength
—who has hardened himself against him, and succeeded?—
5 he who removes mountains, and they know it not,
when he overturns them in his anger,
6 who shakes the earth out of its place,
and its pillars tremble;
Does God get angry? What about that makes us uncomfortable?
What makes God angry? What would be disconcerting about a God who doesn’t care enough to get angry?
John 3:16
When we know God through Jesus Christ…
Where we build fear, God builds faith.
God is building a mountain of faith in us.
God’s faith looks a lot like love and grace.
1 Corinthians 13:2-3
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
When Jesus says you could move mountains, he’s still talking about love, not just doing cool stuff.
Talk sheet link: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1clErszC3-RQh6K4rM7tL-KtLoM12158E
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 5 – WII: Divorce, Forgiveness, and New Beginnings
Guest: Donna Pyle
Young, fresh, and finding Jesus
What does genuine warmth look like for visitors in the church?
Brokenness and Restoration
- making some kind of peace with our past
- those who hurt to see us hurt
- God is not a puppeteer
Forgiveness
- anger has its place
- when life feels like a hurricane
- the place of counseling
- walking through forgiveness, rather than obtaining forgiveness
Forgiveness the book - https://amzn.to/2Ij9ulN
Without this Ring book - https://amzn.to/2DyXyO9
- every divorce is unique
- sharing stories, a Christian counselor perspective, working through difficult emotions
Quenched book – https://amzn.to/2MXRuhz
- What is the well?
- What are we seeking? What do you need?
- being new to the church or being worn out in the church
The Myth of Forgetting and Forgiving
- God forgets
- The reality of trauma in brokenness
- He promises to make everything beautiful in its time
- Honoring sadness
Artiseanministries.org
ILMS 4 - Ministry Talks: Calls, Callings, and the Ministry Family
A calling on our lives – purposes, plans, and Jesus
God holds the power, we simply are stewards of that
Over emphasis of any one vocation is a problem.
Family Vocation, Veith and Moerbe - https://www.amazon.com/Family-Vocation-Marriage-Parenting-Childhood/dp/1433524066/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1535474057&sr=8-1&keywords=family+vocation
What responsibility and accountability is attached to a professional call or calling?
What tension is there in this and how does it impact family life?
Calling and the family -
Genesis 12:1-5
Hebrews 11:8-12
Joy in Ministry
John 10:10
Galatians 5:1
“Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.”
ILMS 3 – Ministry Moments: Community Prayer Walk
Guest – Pastor B.J. Fouts
Connection and disconnection in communities
The Great Commission
- Matthew 28:16-20
- Starting with our neighbors in our backyard
- Sometimes it’s harder to start a conversation with our actual neighbors
One prayer walk in a small town community:
Goal = visible ministry arm praying for our community
The who, what where, when, and why!
Praying for one another
Praying for our country and community (2 Chronicles 7)
Praying for individuals, workers, businesses and houses
Praying to yourself
Praying in twos
Praying together
Praying the Lord’s Prayer
Stories from the kids, teachers, and community
PDF sample of one prayer walk
St. John Ministries website - https://www.stjohnbc.net/
Show notes:
What are your worries or concerns? Your highs and lows?
What do you think your friends are going through or your family?When you look around you at school, work, your neighborhood, the world – what concerns do you see?
Three segments to today’s study:
He is with us when things look bleak.
He is with us when things look better.
He is with us when things look best.
Bleak:
Is God disinterested? Is God angry or mean?
What evidence do you hear of God pursuing us in the Psalm?
What evidence of Jesus pursuing do you remember from the Gospels?
When we can’t see God’s presence, what does He give us to remind us He is present?
Psalm 46:1 – God is our present help.
What kind of Help does God bring to us?
John 14:25-17
What helps you when it’s hard to believe God is present, that He cares?
Better:
What does the mediocre feel so blah? How does Satan use the blah to poke at us?
What is God doing in the mediocre? Where do you see Him present in the everyday? Why is it so easy to forget about God in the everyday?
Psalm 46:1 – God is our strength.
What strength does God give you in the course of a regular day?
Best:
What are the mountain top experiences of life? What wow experiences have you had?
Matthew 17:1-8 – Just like us, the disciples wanted to stay on the mountain.
What kinds of experiences help us to see Him clearly?
Psalm 46:1 – God is very present.
What promise do we find in the refrain of Psalm 46, found in verses 7 and 11?
ilovemyshepherd.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.All rights reserved.
Show notes:
When was the last time you held a red party cup?
Do we have a celebratory God?
What opportunities did Jesus take at parties? What opportunities do we have at parties or celebratory moments?
What kind of grounding do we have or seek to prepare to be in difficult places and situations?
Safety and the red party cup
ilovemyshepherd.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.All rights reserved.
Ministry Talks 4 – Freedom in Ministry
Foundations for Freedom in this life:
Galatians 5:1
John 10:10
Roadblocks to Freedom in Ministry Life
Status v. Weakness
Forgetting the Sinner/Saint duality
Expectations
Our Worth
“God’s Will”
What expectations have you felt the weight of in ministry?
What expectations have you put on yourself?
What expectations have you felt from other people?
Which roadblock to freedom have you struggled with or have you seen people struggle with in ministry?
Ministry Talks 3 – Church Work Children
Opening the conversation for our children and families about church work and faith life
Church as a Safe Place
- Developmentally children have a hard time with abstract concepts of grace, mercy, and the big ideas we want them to learn
- We teach them in many ways around the Word with words
- but primarily children understand faith and God’s work through the Word with experiences and relationships
Church can feel like a dark place at times, even though it “should” be light-filled and darkness can be scary.
- This is confusing for children
- Need to talk about it openly, address it kindly, without gossip, but gentle honesty
- 1 Peter 1:9 – God is working mercy in the places we don’t even know
- Ephesians 5:8 – he is growing us as people of Light
Deuteronomy Living
- 6:4-9 in Gospel
- The same God is Lord over our homes, our families, and our churches
- Helping kids see God in our homes, as well as at church
- Not knowledge that saves us
- Not our work, even church work that saves us
- Talking openly about God’s Word intentionally, so children know it’s not just our job, but our love for Christ
- Balancing home and ministry
- Let them talk about the joys and the hard stuff too
Questions at the table
What is the Gospel/God doing in our family?
What has the Gospel/God done in our family?
What is the Gospel/God doing in our church?
Ministry Talks 2 – Intersections of the Ministry House
Foundations for our homes
Psalm 127:1 – No labor you do is in vain. The Lord is at work- in your home, your ministry, and anywhere you are in your community.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do ministry in “God’s House,” the church, but also in the other areas of our lives. Ministry within our home is not “less than” ministry at church or with people from our churches/communities. Our families need us also and God works in that and calls it ministry.
1 Timothy 3:1-5 We do not have to “have it all together.”
God works in grace. He works in the prodigal children. He works in our mess-ups both in our homes and our ministries. What does it mean to manage a household well – studying the Word together, coming before Him in prayer and sorting it all out for your family together.
Systems Chart – Understanding all the places our lives intersect
Draw your house or a box to represent your house. Note around it all the interacting places and spaces that intersect in your life. Which ones bring energy and life to your family? Which ones are more of a challenge for you or your family members? Where are more boundaries needed? What places bring you joy?
More resources on family and ministry intersections…
http://ilovemyshepherd.com/2017/08/truth-children-adults-mental-health/
Ben Freudenberg and the Concordia Center for the Family
http://www.concordiacenterforthefamily.org/content.cfm?page_content=downloads_include.cfm&download_id=3
Luther on parents’ ministry to children/family
http://www.prca.org/resources/publications/articles/item/5021-martin-luther-training-children-in-the-home
Tweet: Ministry Talks, Episode 1 - The Intersections of the Ministry House... God is at work between our homes and our churches. Share your thoughts and comments about your ministry and family context!
Ministry Talks 7 - The Dark Side of the Church
6 realities that can make the church feel a little dark at times…
John 17:13-19 - foundation of light and dark, world and God’s people
Reality #1 - It will always be a challenge to help the world understand the church.
- not a distraction, part of ministry
- inherent to being in the world, not of the world
- In the world is a good thing, from God
- The Light of Christ and the Lighthouse of the Word
- Compassion in knowing a world disconnected from God and His love
Reality #2 - The church itself exists in the world not outside of it.
-
junk of the world will be in the church
-
we will see both light and dark in the church
-
joy (v. 13)
Reality #3 - People will struggle with sin in the church.
-
we will see relationship issues, addiction, sexual immorality, gossip, hatefulness all around us
-
we are not better people
-
we will also see sin at church - need for boundaries
-
sin of language is so common
-
How do people yell, accuse, make fun of, fail to include? What else can you add?
-
How do we repair the hurts and bring light with the Word?
-
polarity of family and institution aspects of the church
Reality #4 - Spiritual warfare is most often experienced in relationships, especially deeply spiritual relationships.
- Colossians 3:9-15
Reality #5 - We really, really, really want to play favorites.
-
James 2:1-4
-
money yes, but also times, special groups of people, founders, members v nonmembers, worship preferences, knowledge, etc.
-
how do we expect children or youth to be something they are not
Reality #6 - Everything feels so darn personal.
-
1 Thessalonians 2:9-12,19-20
-
joy and life is better than the cerebral version, even when it’s dark and hard
Resources:
Built on the Rock - https://www.amazon.com/Built-Rock-Congregation-Ted-Kober/dp/0758658060
Simple Church - https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Church-Returning-Process-Disciples/dp/0805447997
Total Church - https://www.amazon.com/Total-Church-Radical-Reshaping-Community/dp/1433502089
Dangerous Calling - https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Calling-Confronting-Challenges-Pastoral/dp/1433535823
“Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.”
Ministry Talks 1 Intro
Welcome to a new series from I Love My Shepherd - Ministry Talks!
Are you in part-time or full- time ministry? Do you have a ministry degree or background? Is your husband or your wife in ministry?
This video series is intended to share insights around the Word about the unique joys, as well as the unique challenges to ministry life. We'll talk about the tensions of all that is good and hard in ministry, talk about the ministry's impact on home and family life, and encourage one another.
The series will always be grounded in the Word of God, while sharing psychosocial and systems concepts that are useful when considering how our lives interact within the church, our families, and our communities.
Here is a list of upcoming topics:
*Intersections of the ministry house
Wisdom for the ministry household
The influence of ministry wives and women in ministry
Friendship in ministry life
Boundaries in ministry and the ministry family
Expectations and the ministry family
Brokenness and the ministry family
God's calling and the ministry family
The unique testimony of ministry life
*Freedom in ministry life
Needs, wants, and ministry life
Financial wellness in ministry life
Spiritual deserts and spiritual mountaintops in ministry life
Difficult people and ministry
Please share your thoughts and ideas for topics in the comments.
I hope you'll join the discussion, gain some insight, and be encouraged.
Ministry Talks 9 - Ministry Talks: Finances and Budgeting
Psalm 24:1
Matthew 25:14-30
Matthew 25:24
How do we see God? How do we see God in relation to money?
we know him to be an abundant God, but that can be hard to live in
careful of separating flesh and spirit
How are we giving?
-
Looks different for everyone
-
Where has God brought us from in giving (money, time, grace) and what is He doing now?
Luke 12:16-21
Where are we building barns to make us feel comfortable?
1 Peter 4:7-11
In what ways are we practicing hospitality?
God works His glory when we don’t even see it.
Resources:
Dave Ramsey
https://www.daveramsey.com/?snid=home - find a class, curriculum for middle school, high school, families, homeschool, etc.
Howard Dayton
https://www.crown.org/MoneyMap
Asking how can I give more?
Rachel Cruze - Love Your Life, Not Theirs https://amzn.to/2EZs9zK
http://buildingastorybrand.com/episode-28/ - Storybrand Podcast with guest Rachel Cruze... focused on giving
14 day money finder challenge -https://www.rachelcruze.com/
Use apps or the envelope system
Making budgeting pretty
https://www.etsy.com/shop/ATime4Everything
“Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.”
Ministry Talks 8 - When Ministry Needs a Resurrection: Waiting, Rest, and A Fresh Start
Go through 1 OT account of resurrection, 2 NT account of resurrection, and I’ll give you a few psalms to consider and take with you to contemplate. All have unique insights for when ministry just really needs new, fresh, and something more, a resurrection.
4 sections to today’s study:
Admitting when all is not well
Connecting the pieces of Grace, freedom, and joy
Easter Saturday Ministry
Rest and RESToration
1) Admitting when all is not well
2 Kings 4:18-37
- when “everything is alright” is your mantra - v. 23, 26
- admitting it is the hardest part, first step, satan wants to keep you in isolation
- sometimes admitting just means saying, “this isn’t what I thought it would look like”
- considering unsafe people v safe people - v. 27
2) Connecting the pieces of Grace, freedom, and joy
John 19:38-20:3
- grace comes in and with it there is a new freedom to these disciples
- Jesus’ body is cared for by people, this is the work of the church
- let people care and bring healing to you
- disciples running to the tomb, Jesus love is just that big that we don’t even think and I think sometimes we lose the awe of that
- often in ministry we lose the awe, effects our hope, that what God is doing is bigger than this world David Paul Tripp - http://amzn.to/2HyxGyU
- lose the ability to be playful - look at disciples trying to outrun each other
- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, foreboding joy; waiting for shoe to drop - http://amzn.to/2FGxdKp
- back to disciples running - running together, this is a clue, when ministry needs a resurrection we need running partners now more than ever
3) Easter Saturday Ministry
-
ministry in the waiting, unsure where you’re going, Ben Rector Sailboat (God knows)
-
waiting can feel as devastating as the mocking
- feels a touch sad, a touch lonely, a touch set aside, devalued, humiliating
- God is not uninterested
- vinegar and oil prayers (Present Over Perfect) -http://amzn.to/2FQS551
4) Rest and RESToration
There are 3 Days in the “Holy Weekend” account - 1 = Sabbath
- seems significant
- God values rest and what it accomplishes, even when we don’t fully understand it
4 principles of rest in Vantage Point: A New View of Rest, Rhythm, and the Work of God by Brenda Jank - http://amzn.to/2pbtMVT
Psalm 119:105-112 - concept of inclination in rest
Psalm 51 - create, restore, and joy
Psalm 126 - weeping and thanksgiving, how does God daily, weekly, yearly, eternally restore joy?
- sleep, day off elsewhere, vacation, sabbatical, something new
Ideas from the trenches
Sleep
Day off elsewhere
Day trip
Vacation
Sabbatical
Something new
long walks
daily Scripture reading
prayer
specific prayer: Help me see them as You see them, Lord.
talking with a friend in ministry life
reading new resources and ideas
journaling
grumbling to God
Repeating to self- it doesn't have to happen right now
a women's or men's Bible study group
connecting with friends long distance intentionally
praying for humility
exercise
using oils with prayers
connecting with a mentor
finding an organization that has ministry insight
work outside of church for ministry spouses
talking to your mom
sitting in or getting some sunshine
“Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.”
For when ministry just really needs new, fresh, and something more, a resurrection.
4 sections to today’s study:
Admitting when all is not well
Connecting the pieces of Grace, freedom, and joy
Easter Saturday Ministry
Rest and RESToration
1 - Admitting when all is not well
2 Kings 4:18-37
admitting it is the hardest part, first step, satan wants to keep you in isolation
sometimes admitting just means saying, “this isn’t what I thought it would look like”
considering unsafe people v safe people - v. 27
2 - Connecting the pieces of Grace, freedom, and joy
John 19:38-20:3
Jesus’ body is cared for by people, this is the work of the church - caring for one another
When we lose our awe
losing the ability to be playful and foreboding joy
3 -Easter Saturday Ministry
waiting can feel as devastating as the mocking
feels a touch sad, a touch lonely, a touch set aside, devalued, humiliating
God is not uninterested
vinegar and oil prayers
4- Rest and RESToration
There are 3 Days in the “Holy Weekend” account - 1 = Sabbath
For further contemplation:
Psalm 119:105-112 - concept of inclination in rest
Psalm 51 - create, restore, and joy
Psalm 126 - weeping and thanksgiving, how does God daily, weekly, yearly, eternally restore joy?
Ideas from the trenches
Sleep
Day off elsewhere
Day trip
Vacation
Sabbatical
Something new
long walks
daily Scripture reading
prayer
specific prayer: Help me see them as You see them, Lord.
talking with a friend in ministry life
reading new resources and ideas
journaling
grumbling to God
Repeating to self- it doesn't have to happen right now
a women's or men's Bible study group
connecting with friends long distance intentionally
praying for humility
exercise
using oils with prayers
connecting with a mentor
finding an organization that has ministry insight
work outside of church for ministry spouses
talking to your mom
sitting in or getting some sunshine
Resources:
Dangerous Calling by David Paul Tripp - http://amzn.to/2HyxGyU
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown - http://amzn.to/2FGxdKp
Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequest -http://amzn.to/2FQS551
4 principles of rest in Vantage Point: A New View of Rest, Rhythm, and the Work of God by Brenda Jank - http://amzn.to/2pbtMVT
“Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.”
Ministry Talks 6 – Top Ten Reasons to Take a Vacation
Two massive things in the way of vacation – time and money
Creativity is often a must, but here are 10 reasons why vacations can’t go by the wayside in ministry life...
Ecclesiastes 3:9-14
1 – Rest
Conversations about what rest is Biblically
Run Hard, Rest Well
https://runhardrestwell.com/
Sleep – Ted Talk, Why do we Sleep? https://www.ted.com/talks/russell_fos...
2 – Recharge
Inspiration fatigue
What gives you energy? What recharges you?
3 – Reflect
processing the past year, month, days
Give your brain “whiteboard space”
Dangerous Calling, Paul David Tripp – pg. 55
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Call...
4 – Teach Others
Your family, Your congregation, Your community
What is rest?
Permission to rest
Prioritizing family
Stewardship of time
5 – Consider the next pastor/teacher/leader
unrealistic expectations passed on
Where am I allowing Gospel space in this church/ministry?
6 – Identify symptoms of burnout
Physical – headaches, digestive issues, blood pressure, teeth grinding, fatigue
Emotional – joy fatigue, frayed nerves
Relational - little to no friendships, marriage stress
Caregiver/compassion fatigue
Thom Rainer on burnout –
http://thomrainer.com/2013/09/seven-r...
http://thomrainer.com/2013/05/twelve-...
7 – Define Emergency
media impact on our brains
time to access and identify accurately level of drama and our connection to it
Who am I and Who is God? Is He calling me to this right now, in this moment?
8 – Date night and dating your family
take the babysitter opportunity when visiting family
marriage and family hear their value
vocation of helpers to one another
9 - Creative burst
Opportunity for boredom and ideas
Ted Talk - https://www.ted.com/talks/manoush_zom...
What ideas have you gotten on vacation?
10 – Ministry somewhere else
go to a new church
minister to the staff at the hotel, restaurant, wherever
visit a ministry friend
start small – one day at a hotel or somewhere overnight
Ministry Talks 5 – Discouragement in Ministry
Where have you felt discouragement in life? In the Christian walk? In ministry?
The power of normalizing and naming it
-
Discouragement is normal and not shameful
-
Apostle Paul and discouragement
John 16:33
ESV - tribulation
NIV – trials and sorrows
Greek = thlipsin/thlipsis = pressure, that which rubs
http://biblehub.com/interlinear/john/...
What tensions do you have in ministry or at your church?
Where do you experience the pressure or stress internally?
How do you “let it out”, whether positive or negative?
Discouragement - Encouragement - Courage/Take Heart
Psalm 27:14 – waiting and discouragement
Psalm 31:24 – take heart, be fed
How does God feed you?
- 1 – the experience of shame
- 2 – when or where have you needed rescue, received rescue
- 11 –feeling outcast, less than, unwanted
v.12 – the weight of your own brokenness and the weight of brokenness in the world
What is discouraging to you in the culture around you?
Work through Psalm 31 and write down all the references to Who God is and how He is at work.
He is faithful. He gives courage.
Please share when you have been encouraged by God or His people!
“Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.”
ILMS 61 - The Truth about Mental Health: REST
Special Guest: Brenda Jank from Run Hard Rest Well
Marva Dawn - Keeping the Sabbath Wholly
Misconceptions about keeping the Sabbath
-
Brenda’s, ours, the worlds
-
mangaling God’s gifts
Personal retreats
- rest well
- listen carefully
- produce nothing
The intentional work of tasting rest
- the gift and challenge of children
- the gift of grace over guilt
- permission from our loved ones to rest
- transitions and our need for rest
4 Rhythms of Rest
The Rhythm of Sleep
- deep emotional, physical, and relational need for sleep
The Rhythm of Sabbath
-
relational rest
-
time to pray and play
-
reconnecting with God
-
reconnect with the people we love
-
as a family, having a rhythm and stop doing what consumes our focus for 6 days
-
acknowledge the difference between entertainment and rest
Ask the question: What will refresh us?
The Rhythm of Stillness
The Rhythm of Solitude
Vantage Point: A New View of Rest, Rhythm, and the Work of God
Teaching our children to rest
Guilt and Ministry -
Mark 1
Spirit led not guilt driven
Ezekiel 20
Psalm 92 (espeically verse 14)
runhardrestwell.com
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 58 - Ten Minutes of Holy
Occurrences of the word Holy
611 in ESV
639 in NLT
565 in HCSB
551 in NIV
546 in KJV
1 Corinthians 6
1 Peter 2:9
GREEK hagios = fundamental meaning is “different”
http://biblehub.com/greek/40.htm
Revelation 4:8
Love Does by Bob Goff - Loving big and being different shouldn’t be such an out there concept
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
Distinguishing Fear, Anxiety, and Worry
http://ilovemyshepherd.libsyn.com/distinguishing-anxiety-fear-and-worry
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Brene Brown - The Gifts of Imperfection
In the midst of…
Genesis 15:1
Red Sea and the Army - Exodus 14
Number 21:34
Luther’s Small Catechism - “fear, love and trust in God”
God is not a disengaged participant in punishment.
The One who makes the demands, meets the demand.
He gives us forgiveness instead.
Knowing His full character = real hope, real trust, real peace.
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 60 - Ten Minutes of Courage
My small obsession with Sherlock
“I think that you know me well enough, Watson, to understand that I am by no means a nervous man. At the same time, it is stupidity rather than courage to refuse to recognize danger when it is close upon you.” ~ The Final Problem by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Ten Minute Truth #1 - God does not condemn us for our fear.
Ten Minute Truth #2 - Sometimes we need to “take” courage.
Mark 15:43
- sometimes courage looks like taking the bull by the horns when we’re shaking in our boots
- where do you see God working courage around you?
Ten Minute Truth #3 - God works in the fringes with courage and gives us courage to work there.
- where are people “looking for the kingdom” but disconnected from the truth?
- look for Love Brave, the fall I Love My Shepherd study, which deals with this topic more
- God may see courage where we may not
Ten Minute Truth #4 - We know our work is never wasted.
1 Corinthians 15:58
- we are vessels, He’ll bring the courage
Philippians 1:21-22
- the day to day of life takes courage
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 59 - Ten Minutes of Patience
What are the things and people in life that refine your patience?
How is patience different Biblically than our basic understanding of patience?
Ten Minute Truth #1 - God is in charge, so we can stay in the present.
Jesus is always present - through His time on earth and also in His Spirit now.
Impatience = wishing away what we have right now
Ten Minute Truth #2 - Technology and devices aren’t evil, but do impact our moments.
- missing the moment for the picture of the moment
Ten Minute Truth #3 - Patience is more circular than linear.
Matthew 18:26-27
- patience feeds on patience
- God knows the long game
Ten Minute Truth #4 - The eyes of faith change our lens.
Hebrews 11:13
- sometimes we just have to wait and that’s just reality
- other people have had to wait and do wait, not only us
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 56 - Jesus in Everything: Doors
Red door
Article from Concordia Publishing House blog - Open Doors, Closed, Doors: Friends, family, drama, and boundaries
John 10:7-11
Balance!
Safe spaces -
away from danger
in His presence
on the internet
to create relationship
Those giant cathedral doors and the importance of invitation
Joining Jesus on His Mission -https://dwelling114.org/
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 55 - Written in Iron Ink: Tending Marriage
Leah Heffner from leahheffner.com and Life Around the Coffee Cup
The ripple effect
God of the Overflowing Cup (Psalm 23)
Resting on the foundation when it’s hard
Building up one another’s marriage
Friendships that build marriage with accountability
Praying together for our marriages
Leaning in and waiting when it’s hard
Who are your people?
There isn’t a template.
Broadening the verses we study for marriage
Practical ideas for tending marriage:
Assume the best in one another
Take 20 minutes if you need 20 minutes to respond kindly
Learn how the other is wired - love languages, strengths finder
Take T-I-M-E
Kindnesses in the different seasons
Studying our spouse
Asking good questions, learn what your spouse likes to talk about
Look for your spouses cues
Resources:
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn - https://amzn.to/2JS7Zv5
For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn - https://amzn.to/2vm78Q8
The Respect Dare by Nina Roesner - https://amzn.to/2vjL0G9
Visionary Marriage by Dr. Rob and Amy Rienow
31 Ways to Love Your Wife/31 Ways to Love Your Husband series print copy from leahheffner.com
31 Ways to Love Your Wife for kindle on amazon - https://amzn.to/2HFxP54
31 Ways to Love Your Husband for kindle on amazon - https://amzn.to/2H3T4Mx
John Gottman and the 5 to 1 ratio: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 52 — Commendable
What things in this life are commendable?
Leadership and commendable
Arnold H. Glasow
https://www.phoneburner.com/blog/8-inspiring-leadership-quotes-2/
Ten Minute Truth #1- It is commendable to commendable others and Jesus rather than self.
Praising the Fruits of the Sprit
Ten Minute Truth #2 - Paul commends the practice of faith, not just the knowledge of faith.
1 Corinthians 11:2
Being the Gloves of Jesus
Ten Minute Truth #3 - Paul also calls out what is not commendable within the Body of Believers.
This is called accountability. We can hold believers accountable in a way we may not outside the Body of Christ.
1 Corinthians 11:17, 22
Ten Minute Truth #4 - Joy is commendable.
Ecclesiastes 8:15
How can eating and drinking be abused? When and how can it be commendable?
Receiving joy as a gift and then letting joy be experiential part of our lives.
Hammer in the Carpenter’s Hands
Psalms are an honest look at joy and commendation.
Psalm 37
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 53 — Excellent
What says excellent to you in the world around you?
Ten Minute Truth #1- God does value excellence.
He is Holy and Excellent.
Matthew 5:28
God expects excellence.
Ten Minute Truth #2 - The culture is searching for things which are excellent.
Matt and Kim lyrics -
*warning: explicit content warning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyVzPx4ecHA
Ten Minute Truth #3 - Jesus fulfills excellent for us.
Hebrews 1:4
Hebrews 8:6
Jesus and His New Covenant is absolutely excellent - so much better!
Ten Minute Truth #4 - Jesus bestows on us, cover us in, excellent to us.
We bring Jesus to a difficult culture.
Daniel 5:12
Daniel 6:3
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.
ILMS 51 — Lovely
What would you describe as lovely?
Ten Minute Truth #1 - We are looking for lovely.
Biblically lovely is applied to God’s creation, God’s dwelling place, and relationships.
Ten Minute Truth #2 - Communicating “you are lovely” is complicated.
-
There is vulnerability in sharing what is lovely about someone.
-
I see myself differently than those that love me see me.
Ten Minute Truth #3 - God calls us lovely.
Song of Songs 6:4
- delicate is beautiful
- strength is beautiful
- God sees us clearly/completely
Ten Minute Truth #4 - We see other people as lovely creations of God.
Psalm 84
What biases do we have that mess with the way we see people as lovely?
Philippians 4:8
cph.org/altogetherbeautiful
ilovemyshepherd.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd0fe9BbadMkIZwWx-esd-g
Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd
Twitter - @ilovemyshepherd
Instagram - @ilovemyshepherdministries
ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved.