THE COMPLETE DAD PODCAST: Recent Episodes
the complete dad
Becoming the complete dad starts with consistently working towards being a more capable, confident, and courageous man. Blended family father of four and veteran teacher, Thomas Kingwell, Joshua Laycock, and their diverse guests peel back the layers as they talk about how we can equip ourselves to become more physically, mentally, and emotionally fit, to love and lead their families effectively. We all want to live an extraordinary life, from the boardroom to the bedroom and out on the mountains, oceans, and lakes. Above all, that takes deep and difficult work. Ready? Let's go!
What practical steps can you take to discover and uncover the man you are capable of being, and actually start living at your very best?
As the year comes to a close it is time to take action, and if you are already doing that, time to step it up a gear.
Let's take a deeper look at the impact that organising your environment, minimising your consumption, optimising your action, analysing your ethos or code of honor regularly and synthesising all these aspects can have on our lives if we commit to the process and remain consistent. My bet is that the impact will be so significant you won't recognise the man in the mirror before long.
Whether it is surfing, jiu-jitsu, mountain biking, or more importantly being a father and husband, rolling with it, as opposed to fighting against an opponent, the trail, the wave or the members of our family, and depleting our strength and damaging our connection, is the more effective way to approach most of life's challenges. Understanding that when you start stepping in and up life won't simply get easier, but you will be more prepared to meet those challenges is also essential to being consistent and to keeping on going even when results and goals seem far off.
The Navy Seals have a great saying: Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. So choose the sure and steady path towards your vision of the life you are capable of experiencing.
Money? Status? Prestige? Attractiveness? Sex? Knowledge? Skill? Something deeper? Progress towards your goals? Towards being just that little bit better? A little more self-controlled? Disciplined.
What are the yardsticks you use to measure your success in life?
What emotions go along with the outward rewards? What is your thought life like?
Let's delve deeper into what makes life meaningful and gives us as individuals a sense of well-being and purpose.
Using symbols can be very powerful, and although it may seem hackneyed, cliched and even cheesy, the image of a lion can inspire many things in a man and father. From the way, he languidly swaggers across the savannah, to his apparently laid-back approach to life, his ability to let his little ones nip at his ears and climb all over him, and then get up and completely savage a hyena to protect the pride when he needs to, there are many ways in which we can emulate these majestic animals.
Joshua and Tom go deep on the metaphor and then delve into what we are really here on earth for and where we can find true contentment and life: in deep and meaningful connection with the people in our lives and nature, without all the noise and unnecessary things that end up weighing us down and stealing our joy...just like a lion!
Today Joshua and Tom delve into a subject that is a little uncomfortable for grown men who find themselves venting at small human beings that they had a part in bringing into the world.
When you think of it, it really is strange to find yourself moaning, complaining, scolding or shouting at our children. It should raise a lot of questions about ourselves.
Why?
What could it possibly achieve?
Have we ever taught our children how to behave and function as we want them to or believe best for them and the rest of the family?
Where does this anger come from?
How much is down to our own neglect of our mental and emotional health?
How much does tiredness and giving our energy to other less important people and pursuits result in our lack of patience?
We hope to provide some answers to some of the above-mentioned questions and get you thinking about how you can stop yelling at your kids!
“How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?”
In this episode, we really go deep and pull back the veil on what is really going on inside of us as men, and what could be if we are prepared to do the hard yards.
We discuss how we like to hide behind a quick "I'm fine" or little catchphrases about our week or get stuck in negative thinking and talk, and how reframing is a powerful technique to turn trouble into triumph.
Most importantly the conversation revolves around how we can recognise when we as the complete man show up and how to rescue ourselves from living as half the man we could be, and that is if we are lucky. Each one of us has that very best version of ourselves crying out from down in the bottomless pit for rescuing. Only we can send down the rope and pull him up. Yes, it is going to be an arduous task. But everything of true value always requires that, and there is no nobler task than finding and rescuing your complete self.
Gentlemen, we only have this one shot, there is no time to spare. Get listening and then get acting with urgency.
Today Joshua shares his personal journey and the difficult, uncomfortable but increasingly rewarding path that he has chosen to become the very best he is capable of being.
Kyle Carnohsn is 41 years old, a father of 5. and has been married to his wife Whitney for 20 years. He is a fireman, a musician, a skateboarder, and an extremely effective body and mind transformation coach. He started Super Human Fathers as an Instagram account a few years back. He created it in order to hold himself personally accountable to stop behaving like a jerk and take ownership of his faults. Like you and I, Kyle was regularly short with my kids, sarcastic with my wife and lazy around the house. He would use excuses in order to get out of being my best self. “I'm stressed from work” “I need a break. I have anxiety and depression. I just need some relaxation and downtime. But once he really tapped into that true voice, his personal progress in every aspect of life began to skyrocket. No more excuses. No more lying to himself. I started taking full responsibility by taking massive action on the things that mattered most in my life—every minute of every day. On the show today Kyle shares some of the things that he does to keep things at their best and how you too can become a Super Human Father.
Today I am joined by Jonathan Rios of Primal Virtues on the show.
Jonathan is a licensed psychotherapist, author & men’s coach who is deeply committed to remaining undomesticated. He once bungee jumped over the Nile river, dirt biked through Tanzania, trained in the mountains with a Navy Seal, played Soccer in Northern Ireland and is a military academy graduate.
He and his dream girl have fostered 13 teenage boys while also successfully raising 4 daughters of their own.
Jonathan's core motivation in life is to live courageously having fulfilled his purpose with excellence.
In his free time, he is a blogger, author, and a self-proclaimed mediocre white belt in Jiu-jitsu. He is currently in private practice as a psychotherapist.
Jonathan talks about excuses and how they shouldn't keep one from becoming the best one can be, and how surrounding yourself with high-level men. We discuss how important being a man of action and working on the fundamentals are in working against mental health issues, and delve into the virtues that characterise a man of strength and efficacy. Jonathan also lists one of the problems facing modern men is that they are given hand outs and don't work for what they have and that they don't see any growth in themselves, leading to unhappiness and a lack of well-being. We also chat about how our children are always watching us and this is enough motivation to live a life of courage, fortitude and temperance. We hope you get a lot out of this conversation.
Joshua and Tom are back with a brand new adventure into the mental, physical and spiritual well-being and effectiveness of men and more specifically fathers.
They share that in spite of all the reading and research and philosophising and dealing with trauma, we still need to make sure we take the practical steps to put us in the position to own all the arenas of our lives.
Today we are joined on the podcast by Alan Smyth. Alan serves as the Executive Director for Saving Innocence, an anti-human trafficking, community-based organization focused on child victims of sex trafficking. Based in Los Angeles, Alan's main focus includes budgeting and resource development, strategic partnerships, staff development and client services.
Alan is also the co-author of the book "Men, Fight For Me". It is an authentic and hard-hitting conversation, including the first-hand experiences of victims, about the plight of Human Trafficking in America, specifically child sex trafficking.
“Fight For Me” are words he heard directly from a survivor of sex trafficking. Alan’s unique view of this tragedy has given him a backstage pass to this horrific exploitation of children. Co-authored by Jessica Midkiff, a survivor of child trafficking, this book speaks directly to the hearts of men and our responsibility to step up and take leadership in the remedy.
Alan lists his greatest achievement is being married to Sharon for 37 years and being Dad to Brittany, Trevor & Daughter in law Katy!
You can learn more about the work Alan is doing and how we can help serve, empower and advocate for child victims of human trafficking by getting involved with Saving Innocence at www.savinginnocence.org. Check out and get yourself a copy of "Men, Fight For Me" at https://fightforme.net/
"You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks." Winston Churchill.
Be crystal clear on where you are going, and identify what things you are allowing to distract you, as well as the stones you are throwing in your own path.
Put your head down, block out all the noise and prevail!
To start living your best life, join us in THE COMPLETE DAD NETWORK: https://thecompletedad.mn.co/
“If I only had an hour to chop down a tree, I would spend the first 45 minutes sharpening my axe.” – Abraham Lincoln.
Knowing when to push harder and when to slow down and recover so that we can show up at our optimal level as men is crucial.
“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”
― Benjamin Franklin
Instead of making excuses for why you can't do what you know is best for you and that you are committed to doing, look for opportunities to get them done and keep your promises to yourself and others. Look for the gaps, look for "dead time" and those things keeping you where you are or worse, dragging you down. Start doing those things that serve you and your family. Stop making excuses.
Today we are fortunate to have a new voice on the podcast! One of the members of The Complete Dad Network, Mitesh Khatri joins us to discuss his journey as a father and how being clear and his vision and values and being accountable to a group of men with a common mission has helped him become a more present, intentional and effective father and husband. Often we think men's groups are exclusively for the down and out, men that are broken or have hit rock bottom, and that they aren't "for us". This is not the case, and Mitesh shares how, even though he was, by most people's standards very successful and performing well in the various arenas of his life, he sensed there was more to his life and experience as a father and husband. This led him to sign up for The Complete Dad Foundation Builder Course and the Network, and he has gone from strength to strength, setting his sights on what really matters, doing the work, having the courage to be vulnerable and committing to accountability. If you would like to know more about The Complete Dad Network, check it out at https://thecompletedad.mn.co/. A new foundation builder course kicks off on September 1st 2022.
“Stop saying those things that make you weak and ashamed. Say only those things that make you strong. Do only those things that you could speak of with honour.” - Jordan Peterson
"You said "us" and in that moment I knew that words were magic." - K. Towne Jr.
How often do you see life from the perspective of your children or partner? When do you take a breathe, take a step back and think, "How are they seeing this right now? How are they feeling?
And how much do you take these individual perspectives and lives into account in creating a true sense of belonging in your home? How are you working on developing an "us" perspective, where each part does its part to create unity, warmth and support growth?
You play a massive role in leading your family to become an "us" instead of merely individuals just looking out for themselves.
Creating an "us" is magic.
“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
It is possible to be content in spite of the myriad challenges life throws at us. Yes, each of us has our own unique struggles, but folding our arms, frowning and saying, that's alright for you, but you don't know how it feels to be me, gets us nowhere. Instead, it takes us further into the darkness and makes digging ourselves out even more difficult.
It isn't easy. But we signed up to be fathers and I am certain each of us made that decision hoping we would be up to the challenge.
Are you? Have you decided to be a strong and reliable leader? When life gets tough and trouble arises, do you react emotionally, or do you respond by making the choice to stand up straight with your shoulders back and see the good in life?
“May you live every day of your life.” - Jonathan Swift
Joshua and Tom return to confront the fathers out there who call themselves "Dad" but are unwilling to face the discomfort that comes from confronting the way they are failing to show up, and perpetuate the negative and foolish image of fathers in society.
We can all take a good look in the mirror and choose not to take the easy way out and cruise through life, but rather live an extraordinary life as extraordinary Dads. And the mere fact that we see really showing up as extraordinary is in and of itself an indictment on the current view of fathers.
"You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside."
Wayne Dyer
Letting go of the need to control things is one of the biggest steps to living a more fullfilled, tranquil and contented life.
And doing it is also one of the biggest contributors to being a loving father and husband.
Control less. Let go more. Enjoy life.
"We can have peace if we let go of wanting to change the past and wanting to control the future." Lester Levenson
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball
Before we fulfil our true potential we need to learn to truly love ourselves. Lack of self-esteem is at the root of so many of our problems and the reason we struggle to genuinely love others.
We tend to look for esteem from others to make us feel good enough, that we have what it takes. But this will never lead to a genuine sense of self-worth.
We need to take the time and be brutally honest with ourselves to deal with the thoughts and beliefs and wounds that we often tend to ignore for the sake of creating counterfeit confidence and bravado. We need to accept our weaknesses and reframe them as areas for growth. We need to take responsibility for doing the work to develop real self-respect and to love our families in a way that nurtures their progress toward the spiritual growth that then facilitates them having a positive self image and esteem.
Parenting is not easy, but it is up to us make fatherhood as enjoyable and rewarding as possible.
When we are intentional and present, and open-minded, we recognise opportunities to bond with our children on a deep and meaningful level.
We also give ourselves the opportunity to learn new things and do activities we might have long forgotten or relegated to our childhood.
Not only does doing things together with our children deepen the connection, but also increases the role we are able to have in the later years of childhood and as our children become adults.
We create a sense of belonging in our homes and the family bonds that protect our children from constantly needing and seeking the approval of others and the pitfalls that can be associated with this.
When we decided to have children, we made a commitment to being fathers in every sense of the word, and it is up to us to make being a dad the priority it should be. Let's make it as fun and enjoyable as possible.
You only get one shot.
“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is what I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now.”
- C.S. Lewis.
How often do you find yourself feeling a true sense of deep belonging?
How many times do you find yourself seeking approval or trying to fit in with people or groups of people where you have denied who you really are, or what you really want?
We have a foundational need to belong. To have deep meaningful relationships and experiences. To be in places that fill us with that sense of belonging and home. It is no wonder we are ill at ease and continually seeking and searching for fulfilment and contentment when we spend so much time physically, as well as in our minds with people and in places where we don't belong.
The more we identify where and with whom we belong, the more we can start spending more time and energy there and less time in places and with people that contribute to a sense of disconnectedness and an endless striving.
When we as fathers have a deep sense of belonging, we can create a home where the atmosphere is warm and loving and grants our kids a start in life fueled by a deep sense of belonging. We can help them follow their passions and true hearts' desires, and they can go through life without the constant need for the approval of others and to fit in with people and do things that do not feed their souls and add to their joy.
“We belonged to each other, but had lived so far apart that we belonged to others now. Squatters, and only squatters, were the true claimants to our lives.”
- Andre Aciman.
“How much more harmful are the consequences of anger…than the circumstances that aroused them in us.” - Marcus Aurelius
Being outraged at things you see, hear and read might make you feel better for a second, but does it actually solve the problem? Of course not.
It is like drinking poison and thinking the other person is going to get sick.
Let's do ourselves and our families a favour and check our reactions to people, events and circumstances and create a home atmosphere and ethos that supports love, kindness, security and calm through becoming more tranquil and wise fathers.
"When people appear to be something other than good and decent, it is only because they are reacting to stress, pain, or the deprivation of basic human needs such as security, love, and self-esteem." - Abraham Maslow
Before we can endeavour to reach our full potential we need to take care of our basic human needs for security and safety.
And this comes in the form of Physical, Emotional and Financial safety and security. We need to become more aware of how we are taking care of our own needs in their arenas first so that we can ensure our children grow up experiencing a profound sense of security that they belong, are loved deeply, are physically safe and cared for, and that their material needs will be met.
Without this need for safety and security being met, living our best lives is impossible.
How well do you really know yourself? Is what you are pursuing really what you want or in line with the things you value most in life?
In this episode Bert, Joshua and Tom look at these questions and how to get more clear on what really leads us to live a fulfilled and contented life.
What are we teaching our children through our example when it comes to following the herd and trying to fit in and please other people.
We need to carve our own path and stop sacrificing who we truly are by following what others say and do.
We need to spend time getting to know ourselves intimately and teaching our children to do the same so that we and them find the places and people where we belong and can flourish.
This week we start looking at our needs and how we can use Maslow's Hierarchy of needs to help us to make sure we have our foundational needs met before we embark on self-actualization. We start at the bottom of the pyramid: Our physiological needs, and specifically rest and sleep, and just how important they are to showing up as we want to as fathers and men in general.
How do you respond when you see or hear reports of other people "doing bad things" or "making mistakes", especially when that person is "high profile" or "fails" on the big stage?
Are you quick to react and take sides? To label their behaviour as good or bad? Do you sit in judgement of these people?
Or do you use events to help you reflect on yourself, your approach to others and most importantly on your own areas for growth and development?
We can choose how we are impacted by what happens around us and what other people do. We can reflect and learn, or we can react emotionally and judge.
How can we set ourselves up to handle the pressures of life? How do we make sure we are getting the time to recalibrate and rest so that we can show up as we wish with our families.
There are so many moving parts to fatherhood and being able to increase intentionality, self-awareness in respect to each aspect is vital, as is developing the communication skills with our wives and partners to support each other Effectively and lighten the old for each other.
Things are not going to slow down, and our enjoyment and satisfaction in life will not increase if we don't learn to face the pressures of life with a strong plan and specific guidelines.
We don't want to spend our days spinning our wheels, stressed and worn out.
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
~ Carl Jung
This is an excellent episode that looks into many challenges we face as fathers and the way we lead, teach and connect with our children.
Our children need us to help them navigate their way into adulthood without all the baggage and the many wounds we have all acrued as a result of our childhood. With the ever increasing impact of social media and the tendency of many parents to be overinvolved in certain aspects and absent in others, it is more important than ever to become the complete men we are capable of being and develop the relationships that allow and encourage our children to come to us with the hard questions.
We are the primary educators of our children, and we need to be at our best to fullfill that role as effectively as possible.
This weekend I contracted the coronavirus, as did my kids... Naturally, it has been a challenge and I have been feeling pretty bad the last couple of days. I decided that instead of focusing on the fever and discomfort, I would try and see if I could learn something from the experience and check the perspectives I have, from my core values to the time I wasted consuming media about the virus, to my ability to surrender and accept the symptoms and do what is in my control to get healthy again.
This is just one of the many hurdles and challenges I will have to face as a father and so these lessons can mostly be applied to other life circumstances.
"Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today." - David Deida: The Way of the Superior Man
I'm tired.
I'm too busy.
I don't feel like it.
It is uncomfortable.
I need this.
I want that.
AND...
What would "The Superior Man" do?
“ Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.” – John Lennon.
...or worrying about the future, regretting the past, holding on to anger or just being swept away by your mind and emotions.
“We see that substance addictions are only one specific form of blind attachment to harmful ways of being, yet we condemn the addict's stubborn refusal to give up something deleterious to his life or to the life of others. Why do we despise, ostracize and punish the drug addict, when as a social collective, we share the same blindness and engage in the same rationalizations?”
― Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction
What are you addicted to?
What are you trying to numb or escape from?
Why do you have this pain or discomfort or sense of discontent?
How much of what you occupy your mind with, expend emotion and energy on is actually of benefit to you and your family?
And how often do the things that are truly important end up paying the price?
We can get so caught up with things happening in the world, without first taking care of our first and foremost responsibility: home.
First, make sure you have your house in order, then go and save the world. But when you do, check that what you are doing is in fact having a positive impact, and isn't like shouting in a hurricance.
How often do we find ourselves buying things we don't really need? Somehow we fool ourselves into believing our next "happy purchase" will fill a void and make us feel better. But eventually the dopamine rush subsides, and in all likelihood what we just bought ends up cluttering up our lives or goes out in the trash.
We don't only do this with material things we buy. We use all kinds of things and activities in the hope they will make us feel better, and find ourselves getting into a neverending consumer loop.
It is far more satisfying in the long run to produce and take the difficult route of digging deeper to connect with our true needs and desires.
“Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
Every morning provides us with another opportunity for a new start, to be "reborn", just as every night allows us to reflect, draw a line under the events, thoughts and emotions of the day and "die".
What do you want to let die?
What do you wish to see be born and rise from within you as you awaken from this short "death"?
What do you want to stop doing? What do you want to start doing, thinking and feeling? How do you want to connect more deeply and effectively with the people in your lives? What behaviours and words are having a negative impact on your relationships?
Each night we can take inventory of our lives and be intentional about the changes we wish to make, so that when morning comes we are ready to make those strides forward towards the lmen we are capable of being and the life we wish to live.
Sometimes we need to sacrifice one thing for another. At times we need to stand our ground and die on that hill.
BUT very often we don't have to make a choice for one thing OR another, we can make a choice for this AND that.
We can have one perspective, but be willing to listen to another.
Instead of saying OR so often, lets start to say AND more.
Be the most "there" dad for your kids. When you are with your family, really be there, mentally and emotionally. It is easy to say we love our family, but putting aside less important things and really focusing on the most significant people in our lives is what says we love them far louder.
Showing up as our best selves is an admirable goal, and being strong, dependable fathers and husbands give immense meaning and purpose to our lives and the work we do on ourselves. Many of us have been conditioned to "suck it up", "man up" and in effect bury our emotions. Of course there are times and situations that require this of us, but this should not be our default when things get overwhelming.
Many of us believe that admitting we are struggling, or having emotional needs makes us look weak. We feel very uncomfortable being vulnerable, talking to others about our struggles or admitting that we are not really handling everything life is throwing us. We owe it to ourselves and our family to pay attention to our mental health and take action when we notice we are taking too much strain.
Taking our mental health seriously is a vital part of becoming the complete dad.
We have all heard people say "life goes on" as a way to remind themselves that indeed when things go awry or when they experience loss or frustration, life continues. This helps us not get weighed down by the past and move beyond hurt and pain and disappointment.
But I believe keeping in mind that eventually, life doesn't go on and that keeping in mind death is certain for us all, helps remind us to live in the moment, to appreciate what we have and not take for granted our children. They will never be the same as they are now.
Nothing will ever come together as it is right now. So live it while you can.
So instead of wasting life worrying, being angry and living with regret, let's make each day the adventure it can be...along with the ups and downs.
“Most of what we say and do is not necessary, and its omission would save both time and trouble. At every step, therefore, a man should ask himself, 'Is this one of the things that are superfluous?' Moreover, not idle actions only but even idle impressions ought to be suppressed; for the unnecessary action will not ensue.” - Marcus Aurelius
How much time, energy and mind space do we give to unnecessary pursuits, things and thoughts?
How much are you carrying that is needlessly weighing you down, making an already challenging existence even more difficult.
How much have you "packed" into your life, so that little space remains for what could make a positive difference?
How much space is left for what truly matters?
Carry less, and see how that frees you up to live more.
“How much more harmful are the consequences of anger…than the circumstances that aroused them in us.” - Marcus Aurelius
What actually "makes" us angry?
Telling the difference between stimuli that trigger an emotional reaction and the actual root causes of our anger, and then following a four-step process, can help us to fully express our anger in a way that fosters strong communication and deeper connection with others.
As we all know, life can get exceptionally busy and we can feel like we are being pushed from pillar to post. And with the way the world is moving and technology is developing it seems that things will only speed up. That is why it is imperative that we take time to slow down, stop and allow ourselves time to become more aware of the needs of our children, instead of reacting to their external behaviour while we rush around amid the noise of daily life. When check-in with them and how they are feeling and the real underlying causes, we are able to be empathetic to their needs and figure out more of the mystery that lies within each of our children. It is no easy task, but becoming more intentional and present in our interactions with our children, bares incredible fruit and deepest the connection they have with us and most importantly themselves and their emotions.
When we evaluate the behaviours that don't line up with our goals, vision and core values we tend to label them as bad or wrong. It helps to reframe these actions as not meeting our needs instead, and in turn, look at what it is that we as men genuinely need and what actions will meet them.
This takes away the guilt, shame or disappointment with ourselves and reinforcement of negative self-concepts and enables us to move forward with purpose and positive energy to make the necessary changes to meet our needs and then as a result the needs of the important people in our lives and beyond.
Reading books, listening to podcasts, following personal development leaders or being part of a movement, are all good for building our knowledge and skills. Strong and successful men and women we look up to give us values and character and actions to emulate while we develop our own inner compass and ability to take ownership of our lives. Buying into a brand can help inspire and motivate us, make us feel like we are part of something bigger.
But there needs to come a time when we take all we have learned and practised and find what works best for us and our unique personalities and temperament and set of circumstances. We need to find our own path. Stand on our own two feet.
It is the only way we can become all that we are capable of being. Trying to be another version of someone else is a poor way to spend ones life, when being the best version of ourselves is waiting to bring us the contentment and joy we seek, and serves those around us best
Your greatest adversary and your greatest ally is yourself. Trying to control all the circumstances and people around you and thinking this will bring the results you want is a waste of time and energy.
Let's rather put our focus on figuring out which pieces are "on each side of our board", and what moves are going to strengthen or weaken our position.
Let's recognise the unutilised pieces left that are just waiting to show up for us, and identify those pieces we have to stop from wreacking havoc in our lives and preventing us from being the men we are capable of being.
Whether it is the long or short game, taking the time to think, be intentional and self-aware sets us up for victory in every aspect of our lives. Learning to conquer ourselves is job number one.
This rebroadcast of my truly impactful and honest conversation with Bert Sorin. Bert is currently the President and Co-Owner of Sorinex Exercise Equipment, a very successful family run business founded by his father, Richard. He is a true inspirer and connector of men who are on a mission to be the best version of themselves.In this episode we talk about how success in life doesn't happen by accident: good fathers are not born, they are made. Bert discusses how is up to each one of us to make the hard decisions and be willing to sacrifice in order to show up in ways that set our kids up for a fulfilling and meaningful life. He challenges us to recognise that allthough we might think that these sacrifices bring pain and discomfort, the fact is that they almost always lead to far greater satisfaction than momentary pleasures, ego driven behaviors and just going with the flow. Bert also shares his journey he has taken to being the man and father he is today and the value of admitting weakness and that realizing we aren't "the man" is what plays a big part us in actually moving closer to being the man of value, humility and grit we should be aspiring to be. It is an entertaining, honest and inspiring conversation, that will leave you with many takeaways to apply immediately as a husband, father and friend.
I often see, mostly in retrospect, how my lack of effective communication skills not only doesn't resolve conflict or situations, but in fact leads to further negativity, wasted time and energy and strained relationships. Learning how to effectively communicate with our children and doing so in a self-aware and intentional manner is essential for creating the connection with our children that will allow us to be influential in their lives as understanding and turst are developed. Our own state of mind is pivotal in communicating effectively and lovingly with our kids, who are the most important people to us in the world. Slowing down, taking a breath, observing the situation first lays the foundation for then identifying feelings and true needs and hearing their requests in a calm and clear manner.
As fathers we too need to learn to express our own feelings and needs. We need to slow down and make our requests clear and understood in a way that brings our children into deeper relationship with us, where they feel loved and understood and a part of decisions.
Effective communication is an art, and often we tend to practise it in the workplace or with friends, but struggle in the home where it is most important. We all know what it was like when adults talk at us, make demands and have no time or patience to listen to us. Let's be different with our own children.
How often do we find ourselves saying, "I can't wait until this ends, then I will finally be able to do x, y or z? How common is it to hear people hoping for something to happen or arrive for them to get going?
Hope is a beautiful thing when it drives us onward and helps us to find the strength to push through hard times. But it can also make us place our future happiness and success in things out of our control. We find ourselves waiting for the pandemic to end, that job to come around, that extra bit of cash to come in so we can finally pay off that car or house. We live in hope of things improving and getting better, and circumstances changing.
We think reaching certain goals are going to satisfy us and overcoming hurdles are going to lead to a time of less tress and fewer challenges.
But there is always the mext hill or mountain waiting to be climb. So we need to become stronger and more effective and present climbers, who embrace the struggles and use them to grow.
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Absolutely noone. Instead of feeding your anxiety and worry, take action in those areas that are causing these emotions. Worry, anxiety and fear in fact detract from our effectiveness as husbands, fathers and men in general. They are silent killers that have a negative impact on our physical, mental and emotional health and on the quality of our life.
So yes, reflect, take stock, get real with where you need to improve and change. And then instead of worrying. TAKE ACTION.
What a difference being self-aware and intentional makes!
Especially as we do our best to guide these little human beings through myriad challenges and onto a fulfilling and happy existence. Parenting is hard, and it is relentless. We can end up running from pillar to post, not taking time to realy set our intentions or being aware of our own emotional states or snap judgements and evaluations of situations and behaviour.
Becoming more self-aware, allows us to step away from our emotional reactions and needs of the ego, and make decisions that benefit our children, and ourselves in the short and long term.
Being intentional with our own words and behaviour and the impact we want them to have, allows us to avoid so many pitfalls lying in wait to scupper what could be excellent moments to teach and guide our children and model the type of responses and action we want them to adopt.
Every day offers so many moments where a few seconds of intentional thought and deeper self-awareness make all the difference to creating a positive atmosphere in our homes and building relationships of trust and deep connection with the members of our families.
When you think how we have gradually, if that is even the right word, become so dependent on digital devices over the last ten to twenty years and how what would have seemed extreme back then has now become the norm, it is quite frightenening how we have just gone with the technology flow. Things that were luxuries, are now daily staples of our lives, and things that we can't imagine living without.
But just think of ALL the things we do less of as the result of three to four forms of technology! And when you do you recognise that those other activities in the real world add so much more value to our lives, while often technology and filling our minds with trash on a constant basis has a mostly negative impact and causes more stress, anxiety and unease in the longer term.
Our family is taking a break from TV and other devices until New Years day, as we aim to claim bakc our sovereighnty when it comes to using technology wisely and effectively to improve instead of steal from our lives and our connection to one another and nature.
We want to completely remove these counterfeit distractions in order to have more real experiences and then add this technology back into our lives in an intentional and positive manner.
Today on the podcast Joshua and Tom dig into the ways we react to adversity, and especially when it comes to dealing with our children and their unpredictable attitudes and behaviours. Our reactions, as with all our behaviours and the words we use, have deeper roots. And digging up those roots is where the real work is done and real change happens. It is a matter of life and death. Physically and metaphorically.
Today we look at helping our kids grow by taking away instead of adding on. What are the things causing increased stress in their lives and in the home? What things are you allowing your children to do that are setting them up for future frustration and lack of resilience?
How can we as parents set things up for our children to experience the joys of a childhood spent outdoors, pushing themselves and forming reall bonds with other children and adults?
Here is a list of 10 + 1 (added by my daughter who joins me on the show today) that we need to cut out of our childrens' lives in order for them to become calm, confident and coimpetent people who contribute to any situation whereever they go and live the best they can.
Once a month we will be bringing a more physical condition and health focus, with the complete dad's resident nutrition and exercise expert Bert Coetzer. Today he discusses our relationship with food and how we can make our eating habits fit the physical condition we are working on devloping, to best serve our family and show up with optimal energy each day.
No one wants to be an overweight, unhealthy and lethargic father. What you put into your body has a massive impact in how you show up as a husband and father. What eating habits do you need to change? What should you cut out, moderate or add to your nutrition plan? This podcast is going to help you uncover the answers and solutions specific to you, so that your body functions like a well oiled machine, while still getting to enjoy the things you like to eat and drink...from time to time!
This is a life long mission, not just a quick fix so you look and feel good now. We want to be the grandad that shows up and whirls and throws around the grandkids. I don't know about you but I aim to be fitter than my sons when they have kids! As said, this week we have nutrition expert Bert running the show. Enjoy and put the knowledge you gain into action!
As with any elite performer, such as Olympic swimmers, runners, and cyclists, we need to be as streamlined as possible to minimise drag, resistance and things slowing us down. That means stripping away the external factors negatively impacting our lives and sapping our time and energy. Becoming more streamlined takes intentionality, reflection, planning, and implementation. Life is too short to keep on doing things that hold us back.
This week Joshua and Tom talk about what the complete dad network is all and the changes and evolutions that led to this point.
They discuss their own journey's to where making becoming the complete dad the priority it should be, and the benefit they have since made that their mission. The complete dad is a place that encourages ALL dads to focus on ALL the aspects that lead to success as a father, husband, and man.
"All my life, my heart has sought a thing I cannot name." - Hunter S. Thomson
This quote really grabbed my attention this weekend and has been on my mind ever since reading it.
It has put into words what I have been feeling and illustrates why I often experience frustration when I appear to be doing everything I can to become the man and father I am capable of, yet still feel unsatisfied and that real deep change is just out of reach.
It is like we are almost there - like we get a whiff of contentment and peace and fulfillment, catch a brief glance, but we can't grasp them, and they escape again, leaving us facing the same sense of dull unease, anxiety and ever-present low or even high-level stress.
That is why I think it is essential to reflect on these words, and whether or not we actually know what we are seeking. Without that knowledge of ourselves and what holds contentment and meaning for us, we are just spinning our wheels, reading, and learning, and doing, and planning, yet feel the same way we did before we reached our goals or realised our vision.
Isn't the point of all this to live a beautiful life? And the mission to find out how to make it so and do that?
This week Tom shares his experiences about how appreciating the beauty all around us and connecting with nature every day, can lead us to living a more beautiful life, and leading our wives and children to do the same.
Sometimes our kids do things that make us want to pull our hair out...or worse. But what if we stopped, took a moment, and really asked why they did it? How they see their actions? What the actions could result in?
Then we can turn the magnifying glass onto ourselves, and ask WHy we get so angry, want to dish out consequences so readily? Why we wake it personally? What we are afraid of and why?
"We, and all of science, have yet to understand the flight of a bee. So, to delve into ones slef, and understand that...what a heavy, gut wrenching, worthy endeavor." - TERENCE MITCHELL
Today we are very privileged to have Brandon Lilly back on the podcast for a very real, raw, and challenging look at this journey we call life.
He is a former powerlifting champion and is in the Marketing and special projects division of SORINEX Exercise/Outdoors. He is a hunter, outdoorsman and is always seeking adventure.
Among the myriad topics we discuss, we talk about connecting and respecting people regardless of fame, fortune, and followers, and how we can uncover some hidden gems that will have a great impact on our lives. Brandon challenges us with the concept of emulating people we look up to and are inspired, but knowing there comes a time when we got to take the lessons learned and develop our own approach, plot our own path and become our own masters.
We delve into how disconnected people have become from nature and the things that make them feel alive, and Brandon encourages us to make ourselves available for those visceral experiences that come from being exactly where we need to be and recognising where we need to step away from the noise and seek out and go on adventures and live in the true sense of the word.
We draw some analogies and allegories from the art of hunting and what this experience has brought to Brandon's life and what it has taught him.
Brandon really pushes home the point that we need to adopt an approach of knowing and expressing who we are and where we are going, independent of the approval, praise, or rejection of others.
"Slow down everyone, you're moving too fast..." - Jack Johnson
"Hurry up!"
How many times do we catch ourselves saying that to our kids? Even in situations and times when it makes absolutely no sense. In fact, it almost always makes no sense, if quality time with our kids is at the top of our priorities. We all could use a little or a lot of slowing down.
This week Tom talks about the way we allow ourselves to become lost in the business of life and distractions, and gives us 7 ways we can start slowing down.
This week Joshua and Tom discuss how becoming more aware of the more minor negative and positive actions, attitudes and beliefs end up having a big impact on how we show up daily for the people we come into contact with daily, and the energy we bring into our homes at the end of a long day. As things crop up during the day, having the "micro courage" to take risks, put ourselves out there, and have those hard conversations, as well as to control over our emotions before they control us, is vital to building a good day. It is not about whether you had a good day, but making the day good, one small thought or action at a time. Life is mostly a series of events. We decide how we respond. Whether we look for the beauty or focus on and enhance the pain. And we choose with one small thought at a time.
How do you respond when you need to make a big decision, take a risk or feel the need to stand up for what is right in the face of adversity or threatens to upset the status quo?
Do you find it easy to act in line with your values and character, even if it will make you unpopular or place you in personal danger?
Throughout history, there have been men and women who have stood out from the rest for their consistent courage when facing challenges, ridicule, or even death. Most of these appear to have made a habit of this so that when it came time for them to make the big decisions or risk their livelihood, safety, or lives, it wasn't a question of IF they would do the difficult thing. They knew they would. And so did those around them.
As fathers and husbands, we want to be that type of man. Someone people can rely on to do what is right, even if it means hardship and struggle consequences for ourselves, or involves taking risks to follow our purpose..
Developing that kind of courage and character starts with our everyday responses to things that happen to us. It starts with embracing hardship and even intentionally making things uncomfortable for ourselves..
Today Tom discusses 7 ways we can develop the habit of being courageous. Courage might look different for each of us.
This list is a starting point for each of us to delve into what courage means for us individually, which areas of our lives require more bravery, and put a plan into action to make courage a habit.
We all know how vital sleep is to optimal performance - physically, mentally, and emotionally. But how many times do we dip into the sleep "bank" to steal time for other things we deem more important. Granted there are times, especially when our children are young, that this is hard to avoid, but we need to make time to get the amount of sleep required to enable us to step up in all the arenas of a father's life.
Joshua and Tom discuss the pitfalls that result in us not getting the sleep we need and how to set the stage to change this and ensure we do our best to wake up refreshed, renewed, and recharged to own the day and ultimately our lives.
They discuss the significance of morning and nightly rituals and routines, our attitude towards sleep and napping as men and, the methods and strategies to make sleep as beneficial as it can be. It is a big positive when we become intentional about our sleep habits and the things that contribute towards a good night's sleep.
How often do you hear yourself and others saying, “I don’t have time”?
In this episode, Tom discusses 6 ways to make more time for what matters.
With the inevitable business of dad life, we need to be committed to making time for what is important instead of making more excuses for why we can’t.
“If you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of.” - Jordan Petersen
In the last few years, there is a lot of discussion and criticism surrounding masculinity and its impact on society, and it doesn't appear to be slowing down.
But as this quote by Dr. Peterson clearly expresses, it is weak men that pose the greatest threat to themselves and those around them. Yes, there has been a great deal of damage done by men throughout history, but a lot of the negative impact is from masculine drives gone astray, remaining unrealised or released positively and not actually from strong masculine men.
We need to work to be men who use their masculinity to protect, provide and lead, and use this energy and strength that has been the driving force behind countless acts of bravery and heroism. It is still crystal clear that the day-to-day actions, words, and attitudes of men who have learned to harness their masculinity and have the strength of character to wield it for good, are raising strong sons and daughters and being husbands who provide the platform for their families and communities to thrive.
In the hands of a man of true strength, masculinity can never be toxic. What people call toxic masculinity is simply weakness disguised as strength.
Those things other people did to you, the way they made you feel, the feeling you were not enough or never measured up? They are not your fault. Does that mean as men we don't take responsibility for our words and actions? Quite the opposite. Realising that these things that happened to us growing up, the wounds we received as children, teenagers, and young men were not our fault or because we were not enough is the foundation for taking ownership of our potential, developing mental and emotional as well as physical fitness and not passing our pain onto our children.
Joe De Sena is the founder and CEO of Spartan and the Death Race, the world’s leading endurance sports and wellness brand with a community of over 10 million strong.
He is the New York Times bestselling author of three books, Spartan Up!, Spartan Fit, and The Spartan Way.
De Sena also hosts the Spartan Up! Podcast, which features weekly interviews with some of the world’s greatest minds in business, sports, and leadership.
His mission—transforming 100 million people through the Spartan lifestyle.
Now he has an excellent and thought-provoking guidebook for becoming more resilient, and raising more resilient kids., called 10 Rules for Resilience: Mental Toughness for Families.
He is here to discuss the theme of the book with me today. Enjoy.
How often do we just sit with our own thoughts? How addicted to "noise" are we? Even the positive kind of noise, like audiobooks, podcasts or a phone call with a friend? And even when that noise stops, our own minds take us through a myriad of problems to solve, strategies to develop or fears to ease.
When do we really give ourselves the time to really sit with our feeling, address our underlying thoughts about our lives and reflect on why we are who we are, do what we do and have developed our concept of ourselves?
This is what I undertook on a 6 hour drive over the weekend. Constantly consuming material, reaching out for connection and distracting myself with noise, I realise I am an addict. I constantly numb myself, instead of dealing with the reason I am constantly on the search for something new, something to satisfy. Which will never happen, as long as I cannot sit quietly by myself and confront my past and how it has shaped me, and do the work and resolve to not allow it to form my future.
Joshua and Tom get into the swing of things with a thought-provoking and emotionally challenging conversation that revolves around the necessity for digging deeper into our emotional wounds that are at the root of our fears and anger, and how to deal with these effectively by being making hard choices, practising self-awareness and being intentional.
Intimacy - close familiarity or friendship.
How much intimacy do you experience with your work? With your own thoughts, emotions or spirituality?
How close do you feel to the people in your life that matter? How intimate are you with your financial situation and with the moves you need to make to improve it? How intimate are you with your own body? With what it needs to function optimally?
Whatever the aspect of life you find yourself busy with, developing more intimacy within each area can only mean developing more quality, success and contentment.
Today I welcome Daring to Dad founder and men's coach Ryan Walton back on a must-listen show.
Ryan and I have "enjoyed" many back and forth discussions on points that on the surface we disagree on. However on closer inspection and after a real conversation I now realise we share so much in common and even the points we appear to disagree on have so much nuance to them, that within those areas we believe the same thing!
And this happens when we as men become more curious and less defensive of our believed positions and perspectives, we are able to cut through the superficial differences and dig down together to find what we need in order to find healing, strength and truth to be our fullest and effective selves.
This is truly a podcast I believe every man should hear. Spread the word!
“Before people can begin something new, they have to end what used to be and unlearn the old way.” — William Bridges
People put a lot of time, energy and money into learning new things. They listen to podcasts, read the latest self-help books, follow the big names in the game and try and implement what they learn. But it is only natural that learning and applying new knowledge and skills will be much harder if we haven't first identified unhelpful behaviour, attitudes and belief first.
“Every mile you go in the wrong direction is really a two-mile error. Unlearning is twice as hard as learning.” –Unknown
Today I am fortunate to have twice Olympian, Kibwé Johnson Johnson on the podcast. Kibwe established himself as one of America's all-time best hammer throwers and has won three USA Outdoor titles and two spots on World Championship team and the United States Olympic team. His Olympic Final appearance in London was the first by an American in almost 20 years.
Kibwe is also the host of the Fortius podcast and founder of Fortius performance Coaching. He now lives in Canada with his wife, Crystal Smith-Johnson and two daughters. Crystal, now retired, was herself a former Canadian record holder.
Today Kibwe and I discuss fatherhood through the lens of an elite athlete and how just like the rest of us it is about putting away the ego and learning to love unconditionally. Kibwe shares his perspective on how it is this kind of love that is what makes us great fathers and that the lessons we feel we have to teach our kids are less integral to raising confident, successful and happy children who turn into adults who contribute positively to society. We also talk about the pursuit of freedom instead of the constant striving to be better and hos to be more conscious and self-aware as parents and in the other significant relationships in life. It is a real privilege to be able to speak to such high calibre men such as Kibwe and I trust you will get a lot from our conversation.
I have always been prone to being led by emotions and going with the first option presented to me.
But lately, I have started to develop the ability to stop and think about the impact of doing that and rather considering an "option B" that I have to spend some thought on and will be more effective in dealing with situations and people and will not cause greater problems, regret or resentment.
It has made a big positive difference since I have been using this almost childish tactic, and I trust you will find some benefit out of it as well.
Today I welcome Jeff Putnam back on the show. Jeff is the married father of no less than 9 children! He is the author of "Setting Yourself on Fire", and Leading Your Wife: A Man's Guide to Becoming The Patriarch.” He is also the CEO of Rugged Legacy Grooming Company and the host of the Rugged Legacy Podcast. Jeff has recently started a mighty network home for all small business owners called creative accelerator community
Jeff is dedicated to the belief that we should be proud to be men and never ignore our responsibility to protect and provide for the ones we love.
Jeff and I have a really enjoyable and open conversation ranging from the weakness that seems to be in fashion in society at present, the way life will always have its challenges and why that's good, putting our kids first even when chasing our dreams and goals to serve others as well as a whole lot more. Give it a listen, it’s got a lot of great moments and points to think on.
While driving home on Saturday after sledding with my kids in the hills, we took a longer more winding route. There was the most incredible sunset and we were able to enjoy it the whole way home. It got me thinking about our approach to fatherhood.
How often are we looking for shortcuts and highways and travelling at such speeds that we miss or at least detract from the wonder and beauty around us in every moment, especially when it comes to our children?
I want to take the scenic route, be present, be aware, slow down and appreciate.
Today I am really stoked to welcome Ross Hillier onto the podcast.
Ross is a husband, father, and lover of all things strength.He was a collegiate athlete turned health coach, and works with other men on how to build themselves into leaders through health and strength.
This episode is full of pearls of wisdom and so much practical ready to use advice on how to develop a strong body and a strong mind while showing up each day better and more effectively for our families.
We discuss things like morning and evening routines, experimenting with different actions and ideas and scheduling to get the most out of ourselves and our days and a whole range of strategies of how to optimise yourself to serve others. I really loved the conversation with Ross and I am sure you will too!
How many of the times that we lose it with our kids and react in anger at their behaviour and decisions are based on our fears for their future?
I have started to reflect on how much the way I react and discipline my kids is due to the fact that I am fearful of what and who they will become in the future. There is nothing wrong with having expectations and aspirations for our children and setting boundaries, quite the opposite, but how mush more effective would we be as fathers if we remained calm and more objective in certain situations?
I don't want my fear of the future, rob me of peace and building positives memories and connections with my children, nor do I want to miss the opportunity to teach essential lessons in a calm, collected and effective manner.
Today I welcome Aaron Quinn onto the podcast.
Aaron is a career firefighter who has been in the job for 19 years in Oakland California. In addition to being a firefighter, he is also the head of physical training for all new recruit classes, having trained over 50% of his department.
He is also a Wim Hof instructor, BJJ brown belt, and former CrossFit level 1 instructor. But most importantly he is a father of 3 and happily married.
In today's show, Aaron tells us about the challenges and opportunities of firefighting and how they add a unique lens on being a dad.
Aaron is gone for long chunks of time, has to deal with regular trauma and consistent sleep deprivation.
He also deals with having to reintegrate into normal family life after witnessing a myriad of horrors and dealing with the physical and mental stress of working in often extremely high-pressure situations.
Aaron and I have a really meaningful and thought-provoking conversation as we delve into his experiences and what he has learned from them as a man, father and husband, and I am privileged to have had him share them with me and to have been able to glean much wisdom from our conversation. I trust you will too.
Instead of driving, striving and grinding for the next big or expensive or impressive thing we think will make us happy and satisfy us, and it inevitably doesn't, let's develop better relationships with the people and things we already have. Better marriages, more appreciation and gratitude, greater awareness and more quality friendships and relationships with our parents, siblings and most importantly children.
Winding up season 1 of the IFP, the lads discuss the things they are grateful for and the most important lessons they have learned. A MUST LISTEN EPISODE!
Today I welcome Brandon Langlois on the podcast. Brandon is the cofounder of Peace Love & Meat along with previous podcast guests Brandon Lilly and Casey Bard. Brandon is first and foremost a father and a husband, which makes him the kind of guest perfectly suited to the Dad Strong Podcast.
Brandon and I discuss his journey into fitness and health, becoming a more discerning father, husband and man in general.
We also talk about becoming more calm and tranquil and how this impacts our kids.
We delve into how important it is to adopt the perspective that serving our children and partner should be paramount and other service flows from us making sure that we take care of the home front first.
Stay until the end where Brandon has a little accident and my kids come home!
Today I talk about the way that thinking about my wife and children and what they mean to me is bringing a lightness to my step and helping me enjoy the other aspects of my life more.
Today the lads discuss their experiences with getting their kids ready for bed and putting their kids to sleep.
My guest on the show today is Mark Valenti from Cleveland , Ohio. Mark is a former professional Highland Games athlete and qualified for the national championships five times. He is Former member of the World Team Champions and was also a world record holder. On top of this Mark was a Master Strongman competitor and three times National qualifier
He is now the owner of Blind Dog Gym in Vermilion, Ohio and the host of the Refined Savage Podcast.
Today Mark and I discuss a variety of topics related to fatherhood after kicking off our conversation with a shout out to Terence Mitchell and his incredible legacy.
We then delve into how much is enough and when to draw the line, who to have in your circle and how big names dont necessarily big positive impact
We then discuss working on ourselves to serve others and not just our fragile egos and how working out, eating healthy and setting up routines play a big role in this.
A big focus is on the importance on finding what you value and what you truly love and doing what works for you and your family.
Don’t put your confidence in powerful people;
there is no help for you there.
When they breathe their last, they return to the earth,
and all their plans die with them.
- Psalm 146 vs 3 & 4
This is a bit of a messy one and Tom seems to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed as the crew wind through a couple of interesting and controversial topics like the US election, the latest coronavirus lockdowns, the way fatherhood can and should change our approach to life and how to handle changing seasons around the globe. It's a bit of a messy one...but hey seems to reflect the times!
Instead of posting the next interview I did, and the fatherhood international podcast I have chosen to rebroadcast the two shows I did with Terence. Terence Mitchell was all about bettering himself for the sake of service to others. In life and in death he is an inspiration to so many men across the globe, and I was fortunate enough to have two outstanding conversations with him. I find his words, deeds and approach to life are having an even greater impact now than before his unexpected passing. Terence thank you for the legacy you left, being so present in our thoughts and firing us up to be the best version of ourselves! Much love brother.
“You are living as if destined to live forever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don't notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply - though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last. You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire.” - Seneca
This week we received the terrible news that a great leader and our brother Terence Mitchell passed away.
I decided that I would rerelease the podcasts that I did with him. This is in fact the most listened episode of The dad Strong Podcast.
But I believe that it is such a great conversation and Terence provided so much wisdom and passion during the podcast, that we can all listen to it over and over again.
Thinking of you Terence. You were truly an exceptional person. Thank you for your contribution to all of our lives!
Today I am fortunate to welcome the founder of Strong Black Fathers, Danny Offei on the podcast. Danny is the father of a beautiful young daughter who he is determined to raise in a way that allows her to make a positive impact on the world. He is also committed to continuing to change the narrative that has been perpetuated about black fathers, and is excited by the progress he sees happening in this regard as well as the positive image being created concerning fatherhood, in general.
It is really great to sit down with a fellow father, and once again see, that in spite of superficial differences we have a great deal in common.
Enjoy this fantastic conversation!
“It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.” - Seneca
Be careful about what you perceive or are lead to believe is a success.
Show me your private jet, a fleet of sports cars or millions in net worth and I'll show you a million minutes you haven't been there for and with your family,experiences that could have been shared and moments that would have added far more to your contentment.
Why is an overseas holiday flying business class any more meaningful or special or memorable than a road trip camping?
It is isn't!
Today Anthony, Leroy and Tom discuss keeping the reasons for you making changes in mind, becoming more prepared for uncertainty and adversity and learning to lead yourself instead of needing to follow other people to get yourself together and be the father and husband you are capable of being.
Today I welcome Steve Green on the podcast. Steve is one of my best mates and we have shared a lot of good memories together in Cape Town, often living life on the edge of disaster!
But most of those days (besides swimming out to sea a couple of years ago on a windy day with goggles that don’t work and almost getting swept away by the currents) are gone and Steve is now a responsible citizen (mostly). He has 3 daughters, lives in the UK with dual citizenship of the USA.
We discuss some very interesting topics such as:
- Experimenting with our body and our life
- Losing a job and dealing with the loss when you are used to being successful
- Raising our kids in a chaotic world where emotions are running rife
- Media frenzy and how to guide our kids through this
- The wonder of diversity
- Blaming others for our failures and lack
- Allowing kids to make mistakes, not being overprotective in the wrong areas and not paying attention where it is important to.
- How we made memories by living a bit dangerously in our early twenties and encouraging our kids to get outside and live.
Where in life are you irreplaceable?
Where would you leave a huge gaping hole if you were gone?
On the other hand, where would you maybe be missed for a brief period but be easily replaced and perhaps easily forgotten?
I know where I want to invest my time and energy most. In the areas I am irreplaceable.
As Tom has jumped off social media, we continue on the topic and the reality of the negative impact things like Instagram and Facebook are having on people's lives, specifically for parents and children.
Yes, there are positives. But to wield these platforms as tools that help us to be the best we can require discipline and intentionality.
How often are you taken down the rabbit hole?
How often do you find yourself getting angry at content posted or views expressed?
How often do your kids see you hunched over your phone or lap top?
What positive is social media actually doing for you and your family?
Casey Bard is the father of 6 year old boy-girl twins, is happily married and lives in upstate New York. He also the CEO of Tacticalories Seasoning CO.
Casey and I have a great conversation about what 2020 has been like for him and his family and how he has chosen to focus on the positive.
We then discuss how having twins of different genders gives one a unique perspective of many aspects of life and the way our children are growing up.
We touch on masculinity and the misconceptions people have about it, and how from observing our own children, we have seen how raising strong sons is beneficial for raising strong daughters.
Casey then shares about how important his family is to him. But he isn't simply paying lip service to this priority, he really lives this, often rushing through other things so that he can get home to his kids to play in the back yard, ride bikes or just spend quality time together.
I am sure you will hear that Casey is an example of how we should all approach fatherhood.
Enjoy this conversation.
Today I talk about why I am taking a week-long break from social media.
I think we can easily fool ourselves into thinking that we are only using it as a tool, and although I have seen many of the benefits of social media, on reflection I am seeing more negative impact than positive.
As dads we focus on loving, leading and leaving a legacy. Don't let these be negated by being hunched over your phone.
Today the lads discuss their approach to journaling, what they do to stay motivated to get out of bed and get in some exercise or work-out and how they set their kids up for bedtime as well as manage the busyness of Dad life.
Apologies for somehow forgetting to release this last Friday!!!
This time Leroy has a big announcement, Tom and Anthony discuss the wonder that little girls bring to their lives. The lads also get into letting go f milestones and comparisons when it comes to our children's development. They talk about their experiences with tantrums and kids trying to. push through their will by means of screaming and misbehaving. The show is ended off with a few perspectives on Gary Vaynerchuck as they guys answer a question from a member of the Dad Strong Facebook group. Enjoy!
Today I welcome back the very first guest to appear on The Dad Strong podcast.
His name is Joshua Laycock and he lives in Toronto with his wife and two wonderful kids.
He is also a life coach, avid Spartan race participant, a practitioner of stoicism and voracious reader.
What I really appreciate about Joshua is his ability to take all the things he has observed, read and learned and bring them all together and package them in a way that is easy to understand and implement.
Today is a fantastic discussion between two fathers doing their best to live consciously, act intentionally and reflect on how they are showing up every day for their families.
We kick off talking about the difference wanting something to be a priority and making it a priority.
We discuss how we need to face reality and admit to our weaknesses and the areas where we can improve.
We look into the idea that a day is only good or bad depending on us and our perspective of circumstances and events, and the emotions we allow to perpetuate.
Joshua tells us about his focus on living with pure optimism and pure excitement.
We spend some time talking about doing programmes like 75 hard and how consistency in the monotony leads to real and lasting results.
Most importantly Joshua shares the concept of work, life, love integration as opposed to work/life balance which is impossible to achieve.
DO LESS: Less of the things that don't serve you or your priorities. Less putting energy into people and things that ultimately hinder you from being the man, husband and father you can be. Less overthinking. Less caring what people think. Fewer excuses. Less chasing the future.
SO YOU CAN DO MORE: More Spend more time with the people that matter most. Do more thinking about what deserves your mind. More working on yourself instead of working on pleasing others. MORE being present instead of trying to get to the next big thing.
Today I am so stoked to welcome Shane Dorian on the Dad Strong Podcast!
Shane is from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii and spent 11 years touring on the ASP World Championship Tour as a professional surfer, ending up as high as 4th in the world in 2000.
After retiring from the then WCT, Shane started to concentrate on big wave surfing and he took the top prize at the 2008 Global Big Wave Awards in California.
In 2011 Dorian was awarded "Ride of the Year" by the World Surf League for paddling into a giant Peahi "Jaws" barrel, estimated to be 57 feet tall by the World Surf League, and biggest wave ever paddled into at that time.
He is married and has two children, a 13-year-old son, who is already a professional surfer and a 10-year-old daughter who also loves the ocean.
This is another great conversation and we touched on so many interesting aspects of life, from brain training to bow hunting and the lessons we can learn from the hunt, and naturally surfing.
Shane shares about his upbringing on the Big Island of Hawaii and the adversity he had to navigate to find the path that led him to become one of the best surfers on the planet.
Most importantly we talk about parenting and how important it is to help our kids to focus on loving what they do and not to let competition and drive contribute to losing that love and the thrill of the process.
Shane also talks about how becoming a dad was a major change from a very selfish mindset to one where he learned to put his family first and became a better man, husband and father.
I am so stoked to be bringing you this show and encourage you to listen right to the end as there is much gold to be found.
And now over to my conversation with Shane.
"But there is no reason to live and no limit to our miseries if we let fears predominate."- Seneca
What do you fear?
What is the origin of those fears?
What is the result of acting out of fear?
How can we deal with fear so that they don't hinder us from living the life we are capable of living?
Leroy and I answer questions from members of our Facebook groups.
What do we do to stay fit as busy dads, our approach to recovery after hard training and the biggest hurdles we have faced in building The Fit Dad Lifestyle and Dad Strong.
Today, I welcome Jason Gardner back on the Dad Strong podcast. I am grateful to have this conversation as I believe Jason is a prime example to the rest of us what it means to be a strong father. But like ours, it has not been a journey without significant challenges and hard lessons.
Jason is a former NAVY SEAL and in his 30 years experience, including 9 tours, Jason was Team 5 Commander Master Chief and was awarded a silver star, two bronze stars and a purple heart. He works with Previous guest JP Dinnell with Jocko Willink at Echelon front.
Jason and I have a great conversation about, among other things, living away from areas with high population densities. He tells us how he and his wife Iris had a vision of raising their kids surrounded by nature, and worked their way from living in a small flat in the city to owning a farm in the wilderness, where their children can have the experiences they envisioned nature and the benefits that go with that.
We discuss how we can become more open-minded and take a step back, become more self-aware and acknowledge that we have not experienced the way others have and are treated.
We look at developing the patience to have the difficult conversations and touch on how it is better as fathers not to go looking for trouble, or deliberately go to places you know are dangerous. We apply this to how we as parents tend to allow negativity into our life when we could choose not to.
Jason also shares how he has learned not to add fuel to the fire or more pain to our lives by letting anger control him.
As Rudy Reyes said on the last podcast life is a battlefield but also a garden and we need to learn to harness the best in us to both protect, fight as well as love and nurture.
We don't need to complicate this.
Love your children.
Love being their dad.
All those uphills we experience are worth it when let go and focus on loving the process.
Parenting is not a goal it is a journey. Enjoy the ride!
Leroy and Tom...and eventually Anthony answer questions live from other dads. We talk about how to deal with time away from our kids, specifically when men are deployed overseas. We give advice on how to manage afternoon slumps that kill creativity and productivity. We also share our daily meal regularity and times and how to find what works best for you. Hope you enjoy the new format with LIVE questions!
This week I am honoured and excited to bring you this truly fascinating, motivational and energy-packed episode with the inspiring, open and honest Rudy Reyes.
As an orphan from South Texas, Rudy was raised in Kansas City and the Omaha Home for Boys. He practised discipline in Martial Arts and Illustration to overcome poverty and later raise His little Brothers.
That refining of character and motivation to fight for others who needed protection led Rudy into the Marine Corps in the 90s, and after going through an arduous selection process to join the Elite of the Elite, Rudy became a Reconnaissance Marine which is only achieved by 300 out of 300,000 US Marines.
Fighting in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq, Rudy was discharged with Honors after his 2nd Enlistment and became a fitness coach. He then tactically advised and starred as himself in the Emmy award-winning HBO Mini-Series, “Generation Kill”.
This led to him working in film and TV to highlight Veteran Issues and Warrior Transition back into civilisation.
In 2015 Rudy Reyes Created Force Blue, A Veteran Non-Profit Utilizing Special Operations Veterans to rebuild Coral Reefs and do Ocean Conservation with a mission to Rebuild and Protect Our Oceans and Veterans of all Services.
This show is a rollercoaster that takes us all over the world, and in and out of the darker recesses of Rudy’s life experiences and back into the light in which he finds himself blessed with an incredible life that he shares with his fiance, having moved to Idaho recently. The conversation is highly entertaining, informative, inspirational, motivational and spiritual. I loved every minute of it. I hope you do too.
How often do you find yourself thinking about what you lack in any given situation?
How often do you replay these experiences or thoughts in your head?
We wouldn't choose to flood our bodies with negative emotions and do it again and again.
So why do we do it with thoughts and memories?
The road to happiness is not found by focusing on what we aren't getting out of life. It is lined with gratitude and appreciation and a focus on the good.
Leroy and Tom start off the show discussing the ongoing challenges of the Corona crisis before getting into today's topic which is on what we put into our bodies and being self-aware enough to know what will set us for success as fathers, husbands in in other roles each day.
Today I am fortunate to have JP Dinnell on the Dad Strong Podcast.
JP is a former U.S. Navy SEAL and now a leadership instructor and speaker with Echelon Front, where he serves as Director of Tactical Training Programs. He spent nearly a decade in the SEAL Teams with three combat deployments, notably to Iraq in 2006 with SEAL Team Three’s Task Unit Bruiser, J.P served as point man, machine gunner, and lead sniper for Delta Platoon opposite the American Sniper, Chris Kyle, in Charlie Platoon.
He worked closely with SEAL Officers Jocko Willink, and Leif Babin, and was the driving force on many of the daring combat operations Jocko and Leif wrote about in Extreme Ownership.
Upon his return, J.P. again worked directly for Jocko as a training instructor at Naval Special Warfare Group One Training Detachment and as mentioned J.P. now serves as Director of Tactical Training Programs, leadership instructor, speaker and strategic advisor for Echelon Front.
He is married and has 3 children including twin daughters and a son.
Some of the highlights on the show include:
- Getting the best out of your day
- Staying in touch with how our bodies are functioning -JP goes into detail about his own struggles with testosterone levels and what he did to sort this out.
- Doing things that provide you with a fulfilled life and the importance of having a mission
- JP Entering the SEAL TEAMS at a very young age and the role that his time there played in him becoming who he is today.
- 4 laws of combat applied to parenting.
We all want the best for our kids. But how we go about this can look very different and have a huge impact on their ability to navigate through the twists and turns and bumps and bruises that life will inevitably bring their way. That is why I believe it is essential for us to put more energy into preparing our children for the realities of life and a world that is filled with struggles and disappointments, challenges and unpredictability, and less in banging our head against walls or swooping in and trying to bulldoze the road smooth for them.
This week Anthony, Leroy and Tom discuss how important maintaining a good and loving relationship with our significant others is to being the best fathers we can be, living a fulfilling life and making sure we are supportive of their desires and interests. It is definitely not easy and we share our own experiences, the things we have found to work and also those things that we need to improve on.
Today I am honoured to welcome Anthony Waite on the podcast
Growing up without a prominent father figure, Anthony has witnessed first hand the significance that a man has in the success of a family and most importantly his legacy that is carried through his children. He believes that while it may not always be your fault, it is always your responsibility to break the cycle of emotional and physical poverty that may have been handed down to you.
As a husband, father, and Active Duty Naval Officer, he has committed his life to service before self and seeks to be an example for those he leads and those he loves. Today, you can find him speaking on stage to audiences ranging from elementary to executive-level leaders and interviewing his next guest on his hit podcast Whose Oar Is This.
Once again this conversation challenged and motivated me to become a better leader in the home and out in the world. I hope you find the same kind of inspiration.
Through regular journal writing, you can learn so much about yourself, your areas of weakness, strengths and the ways you can move forward to be the husband, father and man you are capable of being. Starting and ending each day by writing in a journal is one of the most important things you can do to deal with your inner demons, develop character, get the most out of each day and live your best life.
Here are a few ideas that either work for me or might be helpful for you as you find your own sweet spot when it comes to journaling.
This week Leroy, Anthony and Tom discuss the startling statistics on how much quality time the average dad spends with his children, the challenges they personally face in shutting down the devices, clearing the mind and making and taking the time for connecting meaningfully with their kids. They also discuss some strategies that make sure dads are more intentional with their time and present.
Today I have the privilege of welcoming Terence Mitchell back to the podcast for what I believe is a must-listen episode, to follow from our first discussion - our most downloaded episode to date.
Terence is a strength coach, but his coaching doesn't only focus on the physical aspect of the man but takes the whole individual into account. He believes in living your mission and taking responsibility for every facet of our lives and adopting discipline as a means to living a free, meaningful and contented life.
A few of the talking points:
💣 Why it’s important to forgive your former self for whatever suffering you may have caused your current self.
💣 Becoming the man ‘She’ needs you to be BEFORE you’ve even met ‘Her’.
💣Becoming the Man your children need you to be BEFORE you’ve even conceived a child.
💣Why a life of SERVICE should evolve from a life of STRENGTH. And moreover, learning to Identify and act upon your own channel of service.
💣The beauty and valuable lessons found in feeling pain. being in pain; and thus accepting pain, as opposed to numbing it and avoiding it at all costs.
It is another really powerful conversation that will leave you thinking about many facets of your life as a father, husband and man in general.
The end of last week was a tough pill to swallow as various factors took their toll on me physically.
It was disappointing not to succeed in the mission that I had set myself. But the thing is, we all fall short at some stage. We all fail. And yes, it hurts,!
But, what hurts more is owning the mistakes, picking yourself up, reflecting on what you could have done differently, planning a more effective course of action and getting right back on the horse.
Today Anthony, Leroy and Tom talk about how often they allow their kids to watch TV, Youtube, use tablets and smartphones and how to manage this effectively to reap the benefits without our kids suffering the possible negative consequences.
Ian Strimbeck is the owner and founder of Runenation and he is focused on building confidence in others through varies concepts of self-defence. Ian is a former United States Marine who spent time overseas in combat environments.
After leaving the military in 2010, he went on to use his GI Bill to obtain a Bachelors in Communication in 2014. During that same time frame, he worked for an executive protection firm in the greater Boston, Massachusetts area protecting international dignitaries, VIP’s, and celebrities.
Ian left his corporate job in 2017 to travel full-time across the US spreading his knowledge to US citizens, LEO’s, and active military members.
He is also a father to three boys who are not biologically his own and spend week on/week off with their Biological father, and we delve into how putting aside ego among other things contributes to making this work and collaborating to raise kids right.
During a wide-ranging discussion, the focus is on being the best man you can be so that you are a pillar of strength to those around you, whether playing a part in raising someone else’s kids, raising your own kids or whatever capacity you impact children's lives.
This was such a deep, candid and challenging conversation for me, I hope you feel the same way about it.
When I was fighting for equal custody of my twins I really valued my time with them and was very intentional about my role as a father. I too found that with my other two little ones and when I won equal custody I started to become complacent about the time with them, and still do.
Due to our varying life situations, we all have different amounts of times we spend with our kids. For those of us with more time, we can get fooled into thinking we have so much time at our disposal that we end up not being as present as we could be.
Although it is very important to be there for our kids as much as possible, it is also important that we add quality by actually BEING THERE with our kids, with undivided attention.
This week Leroy, Anthony and I talk about the challenges we have faced and are facing in regards to disciplining our kids in the way that brings out the best in them and ourselves and make the home a more harmonious place.
Rebroadcast: Today on the podcast I have the pleasure of talking with Warrior Dad Podcast host and founder Jim Burdumy. Jim is a fitness coach, a father to a 7-year-old son and has been married for a decade. It is his mission to share his knowledge and wisdom especially concerning health and fitness with other fathers so that they too can step up and be the effective dads that their family deserves.
“Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it's endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. If it's unendurable… then stop complaining.
- Marcus Aurelius
How often do we find ourselves getting involved in conversations focused on complaining/
How does this serve us?
As men and fathers, it is a waste of time, energy, thought and chips at our self-respect and intentionality.
Let's stay off the complain train and use that time, energy etc to move forward not backwards.
In this episode Leroy, Anthony and Tom talk about the things that they have committed to adding to their daily lives in order to be more present, intentional and effective as fathers.
This is an incredible conversation about an incredible journey from darkness and despair to recovery and deciding to take life by the horns.
Austin Legg is from Boise Idaho and enjoys a happy marriage and wonderful relationship with his two sons. He is an avid backcountry hunter and traveller of the world. But if you rewind to his teenage years and early twenties he was facing challenges that threatened the successful, satisfying and meaningful life he now lives.
After a long period of confusion and depression, Austin was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Refusing to see it as a life sentence, he set his mind to winning his battle with mental health, pulling from every resource available to him.
He knew he had a huge mountain to climb, but by choice, sheer willpower and the support of those around him he not only conquered the climb but came out stronger in mind, body and character.
Austins story is a reminder of the power we have to overcome adversity and become the men, husbands and fathers we are capable of being.
How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy. - Marcus Aurelius
If we want to be the husbands, fathers, friends and colleagues we are capable of and called to be we need to root gossip out of our lives. It is like a poison that rots our self-respect and kills character. Especially as examples to our children of how to speak of and treat others we need to cease this absolutely toxic waste of time, energy and thought we could be putting into things that benefit us and others.
In his 30 days of discipline previous podcast guest challenges us to make a daily habit of zero gossip.
"Gossip is a deplorable, energy-sucking trait that has zero place in a vital and prolific man's life"
As another well known saying goes:
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. - Henry Thomas Buckle
In this episode Leroy, Anthony and Tom talk about the things that they have committed to cutting out of their lives in order to be more present, intentional and effective as fathers.
Today I am really stoked to have the founder of the Man Talks and host of the podcast by the same name, Connor Beaton.
Connor learned from personal experience how important it is for us as men to be initiated into manhood and how the lack thereof results in us getting off track and often ending up lost in a world of things we thought would satisfy us and lead to success.
He is committed to providing men with the tools, resources and conversations you need to expand, grow and instead of settling for second best - have it all.
Connor also trains men in his group The Alliance and also gives one on one coaching.
Check him out at https://mantalks.com/ and enjoy the show and grow!
When we look at history, people present and past as well as tell from our own experience, a life lived in the service of others adds significant meaning and purpose to our lives.
Turning the focus from our own success to the success of others, most importantly our wives and children is what ironically adds the greatest value and contentment to our own lives.
What also appears paradoxical is that in order to serve others we have to first be "self-serving". But this is not in a pleasure-seeking, hedonistic manner, but relates to how we need to develop the physical, mental and emotional strength and fortitude to be able to serve others effectively without always feeling we are reacting to situations, putting out "fires" or chasing our own tails, because we haven't got our own lives in order.
How can we become more fit to serve?
What things can you put in place to help you be the man you are capable of being so you can serve your family, community and then the world?
In this episode, Anthony from California, Leroy from Brisbane Australia and Tom, a South African living in Bavaria Germany discuss the impact the Covid-19 pandemic has had in these different areas of the world. We also get into how we as fathers need to ensure we are prepared physically, mentally, emotionally to deal with the crises that we and our family inevitably face in life, and take ownership of the media exposure, our reaction to it and how we relate this to our children.
These are our points of view, and as always we understand we don't have the complete picture, but hopefully, with our different perspectives spread literally across the globe, we can add something helpful to the conversation and challenge fathers to do the thinking and the work to be the man their daily need and deserve.
Possible trigger warning needed:)
Link to video mentioned in show
https://youtu.be/9GvPMAtwGUQ
My guest on the show today is Justin Andrews from Mind Pump Media. As a top athlete, Justin became interested in training, biometrics and nutrition and went on to make fitness his full-time career in 2003. Justin loves working one on one with clients but realised that a different model was needed to reach more people with unbiased information on fitness and health. This lead to him teaming up with Adam, Sal and Doug to form Minp Pump, which focuses on impacting as many people as possible through the message of fitness and self- improvement.
Although we touch on Mind Pump and health we mainly focus on fatherhood and becoming the fathers we are capable of being by modelling strength, respect and wisdom. We discuss how we need to be aware of how we communicate and talk about current events with our kids and the impact these have on them physically, mentally and emotionally. We talk about technology use and how this impacts our children if not monitored and moderated effectively. Justin relates the insecurities resulting from past experiences and how this led to him being reactive to criticism, leading to anger and unhelpful attitudes and behaviour - something I can relate to only to well!
We end off the conversation talking about focusing on the present and not letting our past or concerns about the future rob us of the moment we are experiencing, especially when we are with our children.
Once again it was an incredible conversation with many things to reflect on and take away.
Check out this list of top 20 dad podcasts on the web:
https://blog.feedspot.com/dad_podcasts/
RESPECT. We often demand it from our kids, require it from our wives and seek it from our colleagues.
But real respect is earned and takes work to develop. And we do this with our demeanour, speech and our actions. In the same way, we earn respect from ourselves. By doing, saying things that we can respect, that call to the best version of ourselves to manifest. And this is the most important source of respect.
There is a gap between who we are now and the person we are capable of being and when we make choices that are more in line with the husband, father, friend and colleague we know we can be, we start respecting ourselves more. And when we truly respect ourselves, we no longer seek the approval of others, yet automatically receive it from those that matter, as we treat others with respect and are able to serve them to the best of our ability.
Making word and action choices based on what we respect, instead of those that don't make a huge difference to our success in all roles in life, and helps us to build a legacy that positively impacts the lives of our children.
I am excited to introduce the launch episode of a new podcast initiated by previous guest Leroy Faure from The Fit Dad Lifestyle.
Leroy from Australia, Dad Bod Apparell founder Anthony from California and myself, a South African living in Germany, decided to get together and bring different perspectives on fatherhood from across the globe.
I hope you enjoy this pilot episode and am very excited about what's to come.
Today I welcome fellow South African from Ballito and founder of MitchellStrength, Terence Mitchell on the podcast.
Terence walked into a gym at the age of fourteen and has never looked back. He is a strength coach, but his coaching doesn't only focus on the physical aspect of the man but takes the whole individual into account. He believes in living your mission and taking responsibility for every facet of our lives and adopting discipline as a means to living a free, meaningful and contented life.
He is a great example to us all as to what can be achieved when we are willing to draw lines in the proverbial sand and commit to the process of living our best lives.
Once again, this is a fantastic conversation that I thoroughly enjoyed and i am truly grateful for men like Terence in my life! Enjoy.
As men and fathers, it is our duty to set the tone in our homes every single day. We have the responsibility for taking charge and leading our families so that we create a strong effective ethos and an atmosphere of cooperation, deep connection and success.
Great parenting and great families don't happen by accident. It is our job to be present and intentional so that each day is an excellent day.
It is an honour and huge privilege to have retired NAVY SEAL and CIA operative David Rutherford on the show today.
As you will hear, David's high energy and endless motivation inspire all those who come in contact with him to embrace fear and live life to its fullest.
David served 8 years in the Naval Special Warfare Community as a SEAL student, Combat Paramedic, Operator and Instructor. Since leaving the Navy in 2003 he has continued travelling as a tactical training and security expert for the US Government and one of the largest private security firms in the world. David has inspired special operations units around the globe to push themselves past any and all known limitations.
David is passionate about exploring and researching the human condition in an attempt to discover the truth behind what enables us to overcome failure and rise in success in every environment imaginable. David’s ability to take a comprehensive approach of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health of an individual or team creates a unique approach in defeating the negative insurgency of life.
David and I have an interesting and entertaining conversation that looks at the current state of our societies and how the approach to solving the problems that face us is going to have a significant impact on the world our children live in. We look at history and what we can learn from the innumerable examples of civilisations and communities that were unable to see their common humanity and had the propensity for destroying each other. We discuss the need for us and our children to understand that life was never meant or going to be a leisurely stroll, but that we will face constant adversity and pain along the way, and developing endurance and resilience is paramount to living a successful and meaningful life.
It is a fascinating discussion that I learned a great deal from, and I am looking forward to talking to David again, with a greater focus on fatherhood.
"Good art is not what it looks like, but what it does to you." - Roy Adzak
It easy to be so wrapped up in achieving the objectives we have that we forget to enjoy and appreciate the process. It easy to be so wrapped up in achieving the objectives we have that we forget to enjoy and appreciate the process.
Depending on outcomes that are largely out of our control and just become the stepping stone to the "next bigger and better thing" is a recipe for constant striving and dissatisfaction.
Changing our focus rather on the journey, progress and the present moment can be an incredibly powerful force in creating a more positive perspective on life and greater contentment in all aspects of it.
Today I am very fortunate to have Taylor Knox on the show.
Taylor is an ex-professional surfer who spent many years on the then ASP World Tour, starting in 1993, ranking as high as 4th in the world.
He is part of the momentum generation of surfers including his great friends Kelly Slater, Shane Dorian and previous Dad Strong Podcast guest Rob Machado. Taylor lives in San Diego California and started surfing when he was 8 after moving from the mountains to the coast.
His drive and passion for the sport grew and lead him to become a surfer that has had a major impact.
Knox won the inaugural K2 Big-Wave Challenge at Todos Santos where he caught a 52-foot wave. He was inducted into the Surfers hall of fame in 2011 and was noted for having influenced a generation of surfers.
In spite of these achievements, Taylor is a truly humble individual and an example to all of us of what you can achieve if you work hard, come back stronger after setbacks and treat others with the respect they deserve.
I really enjoyed this conversation and Taylors perspective on fatherhood, friendship, life and of course surfing. I hope you enjoy it!
How do you look at negative circumstances? Do you let them disturb your tranquillity or scupper your attempts to be the husband, father and man you are capable of being?
It is easy to rattle off the catchy phrases and talk a good game when it comes to facing and using hardship. We are even good at creating intentional discomfort by pushing our bodies to the limit and "getting after it"", but how much do we do this with the everyday irritations or challenges?
When we start to recognize the circumstances and situations we find ourselves in as opportunities to grow, real change starts to happen and we move closer to being the men our family and the world needs.
My guest on the show today is Jessica Lahey. Jessica is a teacher, writer, and mom. Over twenty years, she’s taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Atlantic, Vermont Public Radio, The Washington Post and the New York Times and is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Her second book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, will be released in April 2021.
We have a great discussion about the gift of failure and how we as parents need to take a step back, let go and let our children learn the value and necessity of failure and how to get back up stronger and more capable. Enjoy!
Today I have a real treat for all you dads out there, as I welcome Bedros Keuilian to the show. Bedros is a true example of a man who has put in the blood, sweat, tears and hours and hours of hard work to rise from meagre beginnings to dominate life in every area he shows up in. He is an immigrant from a communist country and faced challenge after challenge, some within his own mind, to turn himself into a hugely successful entrepreneur, peak performance coach and dedicated husband and father.
Bedros is founder and CEO of Fit Body Boot Camp - three times listed on Entrepreneur Magazine’s 500 fastest growing franchises in the world. He’s also the author of the Wall Street Journal Best Seller Man Up. His list of clients includes New York Times best-selling authors, celebrities, NFL athletes, Navy SEALS and social influencers. Bedros uses the stage, TV, and social media to share his Immigrant Edge and American Dream story to help inspire audiences worldwide to reach their fullest potential in business and in life.
And that is exactly what he does on this action and life lesson packed episode where we delve into what it means to be a modern-day knight, overcoming our inner-bitch, learning to lead and editing our relationship so we surround ourselves with people who love, support and want the best for us.
Bedros is an inspiration and really provides us with the ingredients to step up, show up and live the best we can. Enjoy!
Who you are and what you do as a man, husband and especially father are important. Recognise your significance. Give meaning to your words and actions.
Today it is an honor and privilege to be able to speak with not only a surfing legend but also a man who is building a legacy for his children and others to follow, whether it be with the zen-like flow he has whether on land or in the ocean, or his efforts to protect that ocean from pollution.His name is Rob Machado. Rob was consistently seeded at the top of the rankings as a competitor on the ASP World Tour. With 12 career WCT victories, Machado was ranked among the top ten surfers for eleven straight years and was inducted into the Surfer’s Hall of Fame in 2000 and re-inducted in 2006 and SIMA Waterman of the Year in 2011.
Rob is a father of 3, and lives in San Diego, California with his wife and kids.
With all the chaos that arises in the world and one apparent crisis leading into another, it is important that we keep in mind that our first responsibility and most worthwhile use of energy and time is to work on ourselves first.
As fathers, husbands and leaders in our communities, it is very encouraging to know that we can always improve our self-control, gain more wisdom and show more resilience and courage no matter what is happening around of.
I believe at this juncture that realising this instead of getting swept up in the emotion and reactionary thought and behaviour of the moment is going to be key to making a positive difference and ensuring our homes are places of peace, contentment and joy.
Jeff Putnam is the married father of no less than 9 children! He is the author of "Setting Yourself on Fire", and Leading Your Wife: A Man's Guide to Becoming The Patriarch.” He is also the CEO of Rugged Legacy Grooming Company and the host of the Rugged Legacy Podcast.
Jeff is dedicated to the belief that we should be proud to be men and never ignore our responsibility to protect and provide for the ones we love.
During our conversation, among other things, Jeff and I discuss the role that manliness and masculine virtue and actions play in us being effective fathers and how we have innate drives that if not fulfilled and directed in a positive direction lead to all kinds of negative behaviours and problems if they are left untended and discouraged.
Jeff also shares about how this applies to how we raise boys and teaching them how to set their own standards by which to live by.
We also discuss how parents are tending towards helping their children avoid failure when really learning to fail and get back up again stronger and more resilient is in fact one of the greatest lessons we can teach them.
I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation and Jeff’s unique perspective. He also shares a discount code for 20 % off any product from Rugged Legacy Grooming towards the end of the show. Enjoy!
“Let a man radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will effect in the material conditions of his life.” ― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
In this episode, I talk about the power of realising and knowing the power our thoughts have in shaping our circumstances. It doesn't matter what situation you find yourself in, by changing your thoughts you can change your life.
Zac Small ( Previous pen name Hunter Drew) is a married father of two, Navy Veteran, and the Founder of The Family Alpha Blog & Podcast, Founder of the Leadership and Action Blog and Podcast, and CoFounder of the Private Men’s Group the Fraternity of Excellence. During our conversation today we look at various aspects of parenting that modern-day men and fathers are faced within the current cultural climate. We discuss how strength is tested in times of struggle, being honest and being able to look at yourself objectively in order to move forward. Zach and I also talk about how important raising strong sons is to building and maintaining a strong society and how this doesn’t come at the expense of girls flourishing and becoming strong, courageous and successful. We also touch on the essence of success as a father, how every father faces challenges and how making comparisons with others can be detrimental to life satisfaction and enjoying our wins.
Is it worth a second thought? How many of the thoughts that arise in our minds are worth our precious time?
In this episode, I discuss becoming aware of 7 things we think and say to ourselves and often also to others, and how it is beneficial to choose to not let them find a home in our minds when they are not worth a second thought.
It is really powerful when we stop falling prey to these useless thoughts and instead focus on solutions and taking action.
Today I am fortunate to have Adam Schafer on the Dad Strong Podcast. Adam is one of the founding members of Mind Pump Media, who put out a Top 10 Podcast on fitness and wellness that has over a million listens each month in more than a hundred countries.
Adam and Mind Pump is dedicated to giving honest fitness and health information to cut through the bullshit of an industry plagued by charlatans nad people clambering for attention and putting the dollar above actually helping people.
Although Adam and I touch on fitness and the importance having a strong body plays in being an effective father, our conversation hinges largely around developing and exercising self- awareness and how this ability can be an underrated superpower in helping us be the husbands, fathers and men we are capable of being. I was really challenged by how intentional Adam and his wife have been about having a child and how they are going to raise little Max, and I know that you will leave this podcast reflecting on how you too can improve in Loving, Leading and building a legacy worthy of your family.
"Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts." - Marcus Aurelius
We've been discussing the various behaviours and routines we can physically put into action to develop the habits and rituals to build a strong framework for our lives. This can be challenging, but by far a more difficult thing to master is changing our habitual thought patterns and the way we react to stress, discomfort, criticism etc.
In this episode, we START on the journey by learning to uncover and discard the habitual thoughts that lead us down the well-worn paths create since we were children, and have now become our default responses to external forces we perceive as threatening.
Just like identifying and getting rid of unhelpful physical habits helps us to implement positive behaviours, so ridding ourselves of negative habitual thoughts leads to greater emotional well-being and resilience which then creates a feedback loop that results in Stronger Minds and Stronger Bodies and Stronger Character.
Welcome to The Dad Strong Podcast! Today we launch the DADSTRONG brand and podcast. The dad Syndicate taught us a lot of good and at times difficult lessons and after 50 episodes we decided it was time for the next step in our journey and mission to provide dads with all the tools and knowledge they need to become the fathers, husbands and men they are capable of being.
With our new focus on Love, Leadership and Legacy and putting all the pieces of the puzzle together to find what makes a Dad Strong, we are confident that we have found a name we can stand behind 100 % and a brand that we and other fathers can trust and believe in.
In this episode, I introduce the new brand, slogan and the principals and values associated with being Dad Strong. I discuss the different areas of our lives that we need to develop into strengths - Strong Relationships, Strong Style, Strong Skills and more.
I end the show by reflecting on the last year running The Dad Syndicate and the top 10 lessons I learned during that time.
I look forward to getting to know more of you and getting together to start or continue to build the Strong Structures and Systems that will help you to thrive and be the most effective father, husband and man you can be.
“Were you to live three thousand years, or even a countless multiple of that, keep in mind that no one ever loses a life other than the one they are living, and no one ever lives a life other than the one they are losing." Marcus Aurelius
It is great to develop habits that help us become the fathers, husbands and men in general, that we are capable of being, but the same automaticity with which we eventually do these things, can make these actions empty and only stepping stones to something else. In fact, they are a part of our lives. Changing these behaviours from habits into rituals means becoming more present when doing them and appreciating them as important moments that also develop the same focus and intentionality in the other areas of our lives.
Today my guest on the show is Larry Hagner. Larry is the founder of The Good Dad Project, the host of the Dad Edge Podcast and the leader of the online mastermind group the Dad Alliance. Larry has 4 boys and a marriage that goes from strength to strength. He is a student of fatherhood and started the Good Dad Project in order to learn to be the father his sons need and deserve. Larry and I have a great candid conversation about the importance health and fitness play in showing up as as a father, how men tend to be all or nothing when it comes to their endeavours and the way we can often self-sabotage when we encounter hurdles and difficulties, instead of pivoting and redirecting our time and energy. We also talk about how important it is to remain a student of fatherhood and life and to realise that although we make mistakes there are always so many daily wins and positives that we can be grateful for, and use to propel us forward to be the men, husbands and fathers we are capable of being.
“Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that make him sick.” ― Hippocrates
We have been talking about putting habits into place to form routines that set us up for success. When implementing beneficial actions it is advisable to cut out unhelpful behaviours. What are the things that waste your time and energy and that weaken your resolve when it comes to sticking to the actions we have decided are good for you? By cutting them out, we increase the likelihood that adopted actions become habits, habits become rituals that increase our tranquillity and ultimately our contentment and satisfaction in life.
My guest on the podcast is Mareile Paley and in this episode, she shares her family's adventures and their journey to unschooling their two boys. Both Mareile and her husband Matthieu went to school and college. Thereafter they both followed their passions and chose paths that had very little to do with what they studied.
Learning doesn't take place in the bubble of school and university. The world does not ONLY require mathematics, literacy and science - especially not in the way it is taught and learned at traditional schools. Granted many children thrive in the school classroom, but so much learning takes place outside of those four walls. Many parents and educators put a great deal of weight on their child's performance in a very narrow scope of skills, knowledge and understanding. They also don't provide them with the support or space to explore their individual interests and passions, nor communicate the value of these things that are so important to each child.
Whether your child is in a more traditional education system, an international or private school, homeschooled or like my podcast guest Mareile's children, unschooled, we can all do our best to recognise the uniqueness of our children and honour their interests and support their natural curiosity. The world is constantly changing and the best we can do is to help our children find their own way in it and find something that they can do that brings them success and contentment.
Mareile shares her adventures in many different forms of schooling and how unschooling her children has really made learning more meaningful, engaging and relevant to her children and her and her husband as parents.
The stoics believed in Reflecting on, Examining and Planning their lives.
A good day is built on a solid morning routine, which depends largely on having a good evening routine made up of activities that become the rituals that set you up for tranquillity, intentionality and being the best husband, father and man you are capable of. In this episode, I share the things that do exactly that
“Now that I have sons, I’m committed to being the dad that I never had. We do all kinds of great things together – sports, build tree houses, and roughhouse ’til we’re exhausted. As I talk with other men, I can see that there is a huge need for learning how to be a better father. But I’ve also seen a need for strong and honourable men outside of the home.” - Ryan Michler(Order of Man Website)
My guest today is the founder of the Order of Man movement and the host of the hugely successful podcast of the same name that reaches millions of men around the world. But Ryan is first and foremost a father and a husband and he shares some of the excellent lessons he has learned along the way to becoming to the man his family needs and deserves. Ryan and I have a wide-ranging conversation on what it means to be an effective father, husband and man in general, delving into discipline and consequences, applying the right kind and amount of pressure on our kids to achieve desired results and fostering our children’s interests so they can find meaning and purpose in life. Ryan gives us so much immediately actionable food for thought impresses upon us the significance of being intentional with our time so that we can show up as we want to in all the areas of our life as we work to bring the men we were meant to be.
"Just as when ample and princely wealth falls to a bad owner it is squandered in a moment, but wealth however modest, if entrusted to a good custodian, increases with use, so our lifetime extends amply if you manage it properly." - Seneca -On the Shortness of life.
Being a good custodian of our time starts in the morning and often relies on an intentional and well-planned start to our day.
“A lot of men don’t like to admit to themselves or anyone else that their image matters, so they pretend to just ignore it. But even someone as slovenly as Jeff Lebowski wouldn’t walk out in public in a dress or just a garbage bag. On the most basic level, all men know that their clothing communicates who they are, what they think of themselves, and the respect they command (or fail to) from the world around them.” - Tanner Guzy, Masculine Style Website
Tanner is the author of The Appearance of Power, a Men’s Style Coach, husband and father of 4. In this episode, Tanner and I cover a lot of ground as far as raising our children in a way that allows them to survive and thrive in an ever-changing world. Besides discussing masculine style and how the way we dress can help us step up like the men, husbands and fathers we are capable of being, Tanner and I talk about homeschooling, the way that faith can form a strong foundation for fathering and the catalyst negative experiences can be for change.
Enjoy!
"At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do?" - Marcus Aurelius
How you start is vital to the quality the rest of your day. Good days are built on great mornings. In this episode, I give you 5 simple Stoic practices to include in your morning routine.
“A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.” - James Allen
Working in the garden and around the house I have been using many tools to either build, cut down, uproot or plant, often the same tools to accomplish varying tasks. So it is with masculinity and manly attributes. They are tools that should be used to yield positive results in our lives and the lives of others. Just because tools can cause harm, doesn't mean I throw them away and banish them, and just because certain men show up in narcissistic, toxic and harmful ways, doesn't mean we villainise the very attributes that build, grow and serve.
Anthony Codispoti and Tom Kingwell answer questions on how to keep our kids safe on the internet, especially at this time when many of them are relying on it for school and to keep in touch with friends to a greater extent, how to tackle the issue of cyberbullying and learning how to "fight fair" rs when disagreements or frustrations rise during this time when most of us are spending more time together with our partners.
My guest on the podcast today is Tim Wright. Tim is an ordained Lutheran minister since 1984, author of numerous books on parenting and co-host of the Wonder of Parenting Podcast. Tim talks about how many boys are becoming “Lost” in the Twenty-first Century, and the statistics confirm his perspective: 70% of all Ds and Fs are achieved by boys, 85% of stimulant-addressing medications prescribed in the world are prescribed to US boys and the stark reality that boys are falling behind girls in virtually every area of life.
Tim and I discuss how science can show us the way we should raise our boys and how we can and should still cater to them in our schools and society in general. In the time of #metoo and #toxic masculinity, it is essential that we recognise the best in our boys and help them become the strong, courageous and loving men they are capable of being.
How can we become more Stoic in our lives as fathers and husbands if we haven't dealt with the memories, moments and emotions in our past that we are still plugged into? In this episode, I discuss the ways we can stop looking at these in the rearview mirror, face the things in our past leading to some of our negative and unhelpful emotions and behaviours, to move forward and be free ourselves to live more intentionally, more presently and more Stoically.
Anthony Codispoti, Alan Placer and Tom Kingwell answer your questions on fatherhood with special guests from The Dad Syndicate Facebook group.
Jack Donovan has been writing and speaking about masculinity, masculine philosophy and spirituality for over a decade. His foundational book, The Way of Menhas sold over 100,000 copies worldwide and has been translated into French, German, Portuguese, Spanish and Polish.
Donovan is an occasional speaker and often appears on podcasts to discuss masculinity and the challenges faced by men who want to live masculine lives in the 21st Century.
To support his work, he hosts a new podcast titled Start the World
He lives in the Pacific Northwest, where he has constructed an “experimental pagan ritual space” called “Waldgang,” somewhere in the hinterlands.
During our conversation, we touch on many themes covered in Jack's writings as we delve into how we as fathers can become more complete and effective as men and how this impacts us in our roles as fathers, husbands and members of society.
Everyone therefore who hears these words of mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man, who built his house on a rock. The rain came down, the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it didn't fall, for it was founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of mine, and doesn't do them will be like a foolish man, who built his house on the sand. The rain came down, the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.
— Matthew 7:24–27
Anthony Codispoti, Alan PLacer and myself are joined by Justin Bloxham and Jeremy Crow to discuss ways to help our kids step up at this time of testing.
How do you stop running from the things keeping you from being your best? Own your mistakes, own your pain and change.
Just prior to writing this, the Bavarian government announced full lockdown, outside of emergencies starting at midnight tonight.
Stoicism often addresses being prepared for the unexpected, when living in times of peace and ease. Doing this makes dealing with situations like the one most of us are facing now easier to deal with and make us more effective in our roles as a father and a husband.
Here is a list of 7 places you can utilize to make staying at home with the whole family a more calm and joyful experience, and a time of bonding and connecting on a deeper and meaningful level.
Anthony Codispoti, Alan Placer and Tom Kingwell discuss how we can approach the current challenges with purpose, focus and perspective and be stronger and better dads, husbands and men for it.
With so many polarising opinions out there about ADHD, it is difficult to sort fact from fiction when it comes to making the choices that are best for your child.
That is why I reached out to the author of Taking Charge of ADHD, Dr Russel Barkley who has over 40 years working in the field. Dr Barkley has written 32 books, 300 scientific papers and given over 800 talks all around the globe on the subject of ADHD. In our conversation today we start with Dr Barkley giving us a rundown of what ADHD is from a clinical and executive functioning perspective and the extent of its persistence in adulthood. He then debunks the myth surrounding the prevalence of ADHD in current society as opposed to the past and delves into what exactly is happening in the brain of a child with ADHD.
We also talk about the causes of ADHD and Dr Barkley gives us a stark reality check as he informs us about the alarming statistics concerning people with ADHD. We end off this fascinating and very informative discussion with Dr Barkley providing us with a few of the 12 guiding principles for raising children with ADHD from his new book.
For any parent, grandparent or teacher of an ADHD child, this is a must-listen episode, and with my own daughter recently diagnosed with ADHD, I know it was a great eye-opener and gave me a lot of food for thought. Now over to my conversation with Dr Barkley
There is so much discussion about how we should discipline our children, and it is easy to see why some parents find this extremely challenging.
Often the focus gets put onto the behaviour of the child, which is unpredictable and constantly changing. As Stoics, the focus should be on what we can control and that means it should primarily be on ourselves and how we respond to bad behaviour and attitudes in our children, and NOT firmly placed on the behaviour of our children.
Having the ability to remain calm, present and intentional in the moments our children and teenagers are challenging, allows us to make wiser decisions on our responses on what consequences we decide on for our children.
Asking the right questions and reflecting on how we handled the situations of the day set us up to do this more effectively.
You don't want to miss this one guys!
Talking to Traver after reading his book was a real privilege and I know that you will get a huge amount out of our conversation that focuses largely on us as fathers facing the hurts and disappointments of the past and allowing something great to grow out of our wounds. Every man I have interviewed has been better off because of the challenges they have faced and Traver and I delve deep in how we can move towards being more complete as men and the positive impact this will have on our families and all others we come into contact with. It is an honest and open discussion with no holds barred or topic too sacred. Enjoy!
Traver Boehm is the author of the books Today I Rise, and, Man UNcivilized. He’s a two time TEDx speaker and men’s coach, as well as the founder of the UNcivilized Men’s Movement —redefining the way men around the globe experience their masculinity by uniquely blending both the Primal Masculine with the Divine.
Drawing upon an eclectic background ranging from professional bodyguarding and Mixed Martial Arts to Traditional Chinese Medicine and meditation, Traver also teaches humans to skillfully use the inevitable pain of their lives as fuel for growth and positive change.
When not teaching workshops or radically shifting the way men experience their masculinity, Traver can be found chewing on his thumbnail in front of his laptop, chasing surf around the globe, or being reminded that yoga is significantly harder than it looks.
Man Uncivilized Book: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thebook
Website: www.manuncivilized.com
Instagram: @traverboehm
We make it far harder for ourselves to remain Stoic in the face of the challenges life throws at us, and when we aren't looking after ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually even the smallest things that we thought we had a handle on diminishing our joy and well-being. Inturn this hampers our effectiveness as fathers, husbands, friends and colleagues and makes employing a Stoic approach to life much harder than it could be. That is the story of my week...and now I am paying for being undisciplined, unreflective and inconsistent in how I treat my body and the habits that support my success.
Anthony Codispoti (Father of two teenagers, Founder of The Phoenix Way MMA School and financial adviser and planner), Alan Placer ( Single father of a high functioning autistic son and successful businessman and mentor) and Tom Kingwell ( father of 4, a school teacher and Dad Syndicate founder and podcast host) answer your questions on fatherhood.
My guest on the podcast today is former NAVY SEAL Jason Gardner. In his 30 years experience, including 9 tours, Jason was Team 5 Commander Master Chief and was awarded a silver star, two bronze stars and a purple heart. Jason learned through some of the hardships that many of us have faced (and others we will not have to because of men like him) how to be an effective husband and father and is learning how to apply the leadership skills he demonstrated on the battlefield to these roles. Jason also shares how Stoicism has and is helping him be calmer, kinder and wiser. We also talk about the myriad of challenges that we have in common with other fathers and how to approach these to achieve the results we desire as dads.
Taking on toxicity?
Do you "take on" or allow yourself to be impacted by the toxic behaviour of others?
Or are you able to "take on" toxicity by remaining in control of our responses, behaviours and emotional well-being?
“Begin the morning by saying to yourself, I shall meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. … I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him.” - Marcus Aurelius
They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I agree. So do a few important Stoic philosophers.
Anthony Codispoti, Alan Placer and Tom Kingwell answer your fathering questions. Apologies for poor quality of Tom's audio - confused zoom:)
“If whining and crying were part of the solution, the world would be perfect.”
These are the sentiments of my guest on the podcast today.
Brandon Lilly is the author of "The Cube Method", and "365STRONG", and he is also ranked as one of the strongest powerlifters of All-Time. He is the host of the Be Legendary Podcast and works closely with his good friend Bert Sorin at Sorinex Exercise equipment. Throughout his career, he has worked with a wide range of professional sportsmen and women as a coach and consultant, from the NFL to the SEAL TEAMS.
As you can tell, Brandon is no stranger to success, but he has also faced his share of adversity. It ultimately threatened to destroy him, but he has since used as fuel to rise again and again to be stronger, not only in a physical sense as was his claim to fame, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually and by finding his tribe and purpose in life as a friend and a father.
It is clear from our conversation that Brandon recognises the significance that being a father plays in his life and that if success that doesn’t align with his ability to serve his family and others, it is of little worth. I trust you will not only enjoy the conversation with Brandon but have a good helping of food for thought after listening that will help you stop living in a life of deficit and start living one of meaning, value and abundance.
Making spending less time on my phone the one thing I am focusing on changing has been so pivotal in improving my life in so many areas.
Here is a list of the things I have done to make that happen.
We can't exchange the moments we have now with our children for times we may or may not get to have with them in the future.
We should put the same amount of planning, effort and commitment (if not more) into being there for our children and for our own sake, so we can look back at a life well lived by making our priorities our priorities. Don't wait, be a great father now.
“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day … The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” — Seneca
It seems that when a lot of us become fathers, time is at a premium and we don't feel we have the time to keep fit and healthy, still follow our dreams and keep up sports and hobbies. My guest today has made it his job to encourage fathers to ask themselves tough questions that will help them realise that in fact, they do have time to make things happen and to adopt the fit dad lifestyle. How much time do we spend watching Netflix? How much time scrolling through Instagram and Facebook on our phone? How much time do we waste on things that don't add value to our lives, but instead rob us of making the quality connections and memories with our kids? We hope the conversation inspires you to take stock of your minutes, hours, days and weeks and recalibrate your life so that you can be the example for your kids of a life well-lived.
"To be everywhere is to be nowhere". - Seneca
"If you seek tranquillity, do less." - Marcus Aurelius.
Even when it comes to practising Stoicism we can focus on too much knowledge, as well as too many techniques and practices at once. I am learning that it is wiser to select one aspect and practise and meditate on it until I have mastered it and it has altered my thinking, behaviour and state of mind.
Anthony Codispoti, Alan Placer and Thomas Kingwell answer your questions on fatherhood.
As fathers, we can find ourselves severely disadvantaged post-divorce, especially when it comes to navigating the family court system. In this episode, my guest Alan Anderson discuss these challenges as well as the emotional trauma they can cause men. Alan is the founder of Fathers Lives Matter movement and host of Father's Truth podcast. Able to make his way through the manner barriers laid in his path, Alan came out of the other side of the family court system with full custody of his son. This took time, effort and huge sacrifice to bring about, and I hope that any dads out there listening will pull inspiration and knowledge to further their need to be in their children's lives and that others that listen come away with a clearer idea of what is happening and be motivated to stand with fathers and children that are disadvantaged by the system.
Once again we apply the principles of stoicism to our roles as fathers, husbands, friends and colleagues as we delve into how we can move to contributing more instead of focusing on consuming.
Alan Placer, Anthony Codispoti and Thomas Kingwell answer your questions on fatherhood.
How do you as a step-dad break through the ice wall teenagers put up? How do you balance all the areas of your life when you have a baby and a physically tiring job? What advice would you give kids who are relocating and leaving their sport's teams behind? What activities can you do with your teenage daughter?
In this episode, avid scuba diver, engineer and above all dad and stepdad shares his experiences of becoming a step dad, navigating his way to becoming a better friend to himself and how he is doing his best to focus rather on the countless positives we can find in each day instead of letting these be overshadowed by the few negatives that arise. We also talk about how getting out into nature is so vital for our kid's positive development. Chris' daughter joins the call in the background as we delve into how Stoicism and adopting the practices, techniques and wisdom helps us in keeping things in perspectives and serving our priorities'. We end the call discussing how the media, social and otherwise is paying a role in the teenage years being increasingly confusing.
"It is the part of an uneducated person to blame others where he himself fares ill” Epectitus
Many of tend to spend good deal of time thinking about and trying to change other people to make our lives better and easier, when in fact changing ourselves to make the lives of others better is a far more noble, virtuous and rewarding goal. The irony is, that when we do the work on ourselves so we can show up for others, we inadvertently increase the quality and satisfaction on our own life!
Anthony Codispoti, Alan Placer and myself answer all your questions on fatherhood. To get your question on the podcast join The Dad Syndicate Arena on Facebook or leave it in the comments on Instagram or DM one of us!
Success in life doesn't happen by accident, and good fathers are not born, they are made. It is up to each one of us to make the hard decisions and be willing to sacrifice in order to show up in ways that set our kids up for a fulfilling and meaningful life. The interesting thing is that although we might think that these sacrifices bring pain and discomfort, the fact is that they almost always lead to far greater satisfaction than momentary pleasures, ego driven behaviors and just going with the flow. My guest today discusses his journey to being the man and father he is today and the value of admitting weakness and that realizing we aren't "the man" is what plays a big part us in actually moving closer to being the man of value, humility and grit we should be aspiring to be. It is an entertaining, honest and inspiring conversation, that will leave you with many takeaways to apply immediately as a husband, father and friend.
Wanting more can often lead to dissatisfaction in life. Instead of being, doing and having more, let's resolve to make the focus Be Better, Do Better and Have Better.
Episode 3 of the Dad Syndicate ARENA Podcast where we do our best to answer all your fathering questions. We aim to make this real, raw and uncut, and no to pull any punches. Sometimes as dads we need to face up to reality and take hard truths on the chin and make the changes we need to be the the men our families need and deserve.
How do you define masculinity?
How has our upbringing and the culture we were raised in programmed us to think, behave and show up?
What behaviours, attitudes and approaches to life come to mind when you think of being a man?
What factors and distortions of masculine strength lead to so many men growing up so full of anger and hate that they perpetuate hornedous the acts of disrespect and violence against women, children and other men?
Can true masculinity be toxic?
These are some of the aspects Daring to Dad curator, Ryan Walton discuss on this week´s show, as we explore ways that we can harness our masculinity to more effectively serve others and avoid the pitfalls that lack of awareness, close mindedness and preconceived ideas lead to.
One thing we have complete control over is how we use our words. In many cases not using them at all is what benefits us and the situation most. In this episode I provide you with 7 steps to improving our lives by becoming more intentional with our words, the language we use and communication with others.
Get ready for episode 2 of the Dad Syndicate ARENA Podcast where we do our best to answer all your fathering questions. We aim to make this real, raw and uncut, and no to pull any punches. Sometimes as dads we need to face up to reality and take hard truths on the chin and make the changes we need to be the the men our families need and deserve.
Donald Robertson is a cognitive behavioural therapist and the author of How to Think Like a Roman Emperor. We have a fascinating discussion about the life and times of Marcus Aurelius and stoicism in general. We delve into Marcus' childhood and teen years and how he found his way to adopting Stoicism as his philosophy for life. We also look at how being more Stoic can help us be more effective parents. It was a very fascinating and informative conversation. I trust you'll find it just as interesting!
When we think of self-control we naturally think of self discipline, keeping our emotions in check and havng the will power to say no to things that do not benefit us. And it is that last past that we need to focus on just as much as we need to focus on ourselves. In Stoicicm we learn to use our energy to focus on the things we have complete control of, but it is just as important to recognise the things that are not in our control and let go of them. Things like the past, and even the future, the emotions and behaviour of the people in our lives and the circumstances we sometimes find outselves in. As fathers who want to perform in the important arenas of our lives, we don't have time or energy to waste on those things. Imagine how much we could accomplish and the contentment we would find if we let go of our need to control things that will never be in our control.
Coming into a family can be a huge challenge if you aren't prepared and don't adopt the correct mindset.
My guest today was living for himself for a long time before flying all the way from New York to California to start a new life with the woman of his dreams. The only catch was that she had 3 sons from her previous relationship. But in place of being daunted and overwhelmed by the task ahead, Phil has embraced it with arms wide open and has seen his life enriched greatly by developing himself as a man and a father, while always doing his best to respect the boy's birth father. It is an extremely interesting and moving conversation, as we delve into several sensitive topics and talk about the struggles Phil has encountered over the past few years and how these have helped him grow into the man he is today.
Introducing the ARENA podcast with Anthony, Alan and Tom. These shows will be dedicated to answering any questions the members of the Dad Syndicate Arena Facebook group initially. In this inaugural episode you will get to know us a little better as we discuss our approaches to fatherhood and talk about issues facing dads. We really hope you enjoy it and get a great deal out of the show. I know we did!
"How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?" - Epectitus.
Whether you are a new years resolutions kind of guy or not this episode will help you step up and help you move closer to being the father and husband you are capable of being. We look at who we want to BE, before looking at the things we want to DO and HAVE. Starting good habits or kicking bad ones is a good goal, but the underlying characteristics and perspective we have is essential to making positive change stick.
Chris Albert is the owner and founder of Warrior Soul Agoge: Fitness and Apparel and he has a podcast dedicated to helping veterans to remember their warrior identity by providing them with the knowledge, tools, tactics and strategies to find their mission in life after returning from deployment.
But before he started Warrior Soul Chris went through many ups and downs starting from being raised by a single mother after his alcoholic father left the family at the age of 2, meaning Chris spent his childhood and teenage years without a father figure. He found team sports and powerlifting a way to develop confidence, but really had very little idea about his place in the world.
When he joined the UNited States Marine Core Chris was provided with other men to look up to and learn from, as well as the structure and discipline he needed. After he left the military Chris found himself on a wayward path involving alcohol. He started a very successful gym, but after divorce, he lost everything and found himself broke and homeless. He managed to pull himself up out of poverty and on to great success once again, but this time he was focused on helping not people not only work on their physical selves but also on their mental and emotional states, and at the age of 40 made a very interesting discovery that helped change his mindset.
Christmas can be the best of times...or the worst of times. Remembering a few stoic techniques and practises can make all the difference!
My guest on the show today is Mitch London. Mitch is the CEO and Founder of Just Add Wilderness, a program specifically designed to help Christian men break free from a "paralyzed" state and into who they are at the core. He works from home and is a father of 4 who are all homeschooled! We have an excellent chat on a variety of topics related to the outdoors, such as how it can be used in educating children, help us to feel connected to something bigger then ourselves and give us respite from all the noise and clutter of modern day life. We also discuss how identity plays an essential role of finding and folowing our purpose and living a life of meaning.
Conquer the Mountains before you and the Wilderness within you!
“Sickness is a hindrance to the body, but not to your ability to choose, unless that is your choice. Lameness is a hindrance to the leg, but not to your ability to choose.” - Epictetus -
How do you react to sickness and pain in yourself and that of your children?
Does it leave you feeing sorry for yourself? Do you choose to rise above it and still effective in your role as a dad?
For me it is a bit of both, but taking a stoic approach over the last couple of weeks and applying it to when my children have been sick has definitely kep me from the clutches of "man flu" and allowed me to stay more positive than I have in the past.
This is a must listen episode for every parent. Sadly bullying has become a real epidemic in our schools, and many children and parents are suffering because they ill equiped to deal with the impact of this kind of abuse. My guest today has made his mission to help children and teenagers develop the tools, techniques and attitude to help our children develop confidence and self esteem in order to avoid staying or becoming a target of bullying . His name is Anthony Codispoti and he has been invlolved in the martial arts for 33 years and he has found the recipe to making children bullyproof: helping them find their voice.
When we switch from being averse to things that happen to us ( incomplete control) to being averse to the way we think about things, form opinions about them and then our reactions ( hings we have complete control over), real change can take place and we can start getting a handle on our emotions. With a few intentional steps we can stop the cycle of negative emotions and experience true tranquility and better quality of life.
In this episode I have the privilege of talking to dad of two adopted boys, Reece Carter from Atlanta Georgia. Reece is a husband, father, real estate visionary / architect, an unlikely church builder, Veteran Combat Engineer, semi-decent drummer. He’s realized that many of the worlds most complicated problems could be solved if men everywhere learned how to step back and recognize their own need to be better husbands, fathers, businessmen, and community leaders.
In this episode we discuss the importance of pushing yourself physically and how the timing of this durting the day determines the impact it has on your day. We talk about Reece's journey from being in essence a nomadic man with very few attachments to becoming an instant father as he and his wife adopted their first son. Reece also shares his thoughts on the positive aspects of competition and how to introduce kids to this in a positive way that builds resilience. We end off the conversation with the topic of how struggles build strength and the way we can avoid leaving our best days in the past, and to teach our kids this, so that they realise what happens at school is not a measure of who they are or will be.
“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” - Seneca
I can't emphasise enough how getting into nature has played in my role as a father and developing a love for the outdoors in my children and the resilience it has built in both them and myself.
The outdoors provide the perfect backdrop for us to develop a more stoic philosophy and approach to life.
In this episode we look at 5 Stoic rules for mastering ourselves as men by engaging with nature and the unpredictability of the elements.
For this episode I am honored to have Mike Yarborough on the podcast. Mike is the founder of Wolf and Iron and the host of the Podcast of the same name. He is also the owner of a very interesting and unique business called Rustic and Maine where he makes rings out of old redeemed wood and other materials from ships, whiskey barrels and rifle stocks to name a few.
We have an interesting conversation spanning many topics, from following our calling to practising patience as we find meaning and follow our passions. We also talked about the confusion and chaos in society and our differing views on gender identification. We end off by looking at how Mike approached raising two boys as he became a father at a very young age, and how looking back can cause us certain regrets if we don’t step up in an effective way as a man and father.
In this episode I look at how stoic techniques and principles casn help us to relate to our kids in a more calm and effective way and give us the perspective to be intentional and more present fathers.
Today I am joined by Alan Placer, and although his story relates to how he supported his son with high functioning autism as he made his way through the school system and onto a successful life, we can all relate and learn from what he has to say. I have been a school teacher for 15 years and this makes for an interesting conversation where we look at the different perspectives of parents, children and teachers.
“Where, then, this love for each other is perfect and the two share it completely, each striving to outdo the other in devotion, the marriage is ideal and worthy of envy, for such a union is beautiful.” - Musonius Rufus
To be an effective father the most important relationship to nurture is the one with our wives. With the world making everything so readily available for us and people being driven by their impulses and the pull for us to join them getting stronger as social media explodes, we need to be ready for the challenges that come by being men of character and virtue.
In this episode I discuss 10 ways that stoic principles and techniques can help us do that and drive us towards taking control of the things in our control to positively influence the things that are either partially or not in our control.
Aydian is a husband and father and he loves his family fiercely. He works hard and he works out hard, at times sizing himself up against the other guys lifting at the gym. He loves life and lives it to the fullest. He takes extreme ownership in the situations he finds himself in. He believes in himself and the call he has answered. He is like any one of the outstanding men we follow and emulate. Except for one difference. One. He is a transgender man.
Aydian is celebrating 10 years since he started hormone therapy and the incredible journey it set him on. Today he shares his story, wisdom and passion with me.
I lived blinded by prejudice and lacked empathy and perspective for so long, but I am glad I had my eyes opened so that I could share this conversation with him , and now with you.
This episode is about leading by doing as well as saying, and making both of the highest calibre. Simple.
Our mind is like a battlefield sometimes. With so many things vying for our attention and the business of everyday life it is easy to lose sight of what is important to us and allow our minds to become clouded and ineffective at dealing with the challenges fatherhood throws at us. Stoicism provides us with principles and practices that help us to regain perspective, clarity and develop the tranquility needed to parent in an effective way and be the present fathers and husbands that our family needs. In this episode I discuss 7 principles and strategies for calming our minds and for moving closer to living a life of meaning, value and virtue.
Every man needs a good soundtrack to accompany him through life, especially when he becomes a dad. Songs to go surfing to, songs to get amped for the rugby, songs to fall in love to, songs to keep you sane and for me, songs that connect you to home. For me, no band has been more present in my playlist over the last 10 years than DIE HEUWELS FANTASTIES. In this episode, I am honoured and excited to be joined by lead singer Pierre Greeff in a conversation that spans many subjects, mostly connected to our shared love for our country and the ways we can step up as dads in taking responsibility for our family’s health, wealth and safety! Dankie Pierre, ek het dit baie geniet!
Today on the podcast I have the pleasure of talking with Warrior Dad Podcast host and founder Jim Burdumy. Jim is a father to a 7-year-old son and has been married for a decade. It is his mission to share his knowledge and wisdom especially concerning health and fitness with other fathers so that they too can step up and be the effective dads that their family deserves.
This episode takes you through the ways that 7 stoic practices help us to step up in the arena of the physical health in a way that is most effective and serves our objective of being the husbands and fathers that our families need and deserve and do it for as long as possible.
In this episode, I introduce "The way of the Dad Stoic in the 7 arenas" series.
Every week I will be delving into and discussing how becoming more stoic in the approach we take to showing up in each of the 7 arenas helps us become more effective fathers, more loving husbands and stronger and more honorable men.
I have recently embarked on this journey of implementing more of the timeless truths and practises of the stoics into my life and am already seeing a marked difference in areas such as taking offence, being reactionary instead of responsive. This is, in turn, having a noticeable positive impact on my relationship with my wife and my connection with my children. And it is just the beginning. I am feeling more calm, confident and at ease within myself, and I am looking forward to more growth and progress and really living the good life.
I hope you join me as I explore and implement stoic practises in each arena of my life and that you too can reap the rewards!
Winston Churchill, Theodore Roosevelt, Nelson Mandela, John F Kennedy.
All of these men made their mark on history and stood out as some of the greatest men to ever live.
But how did their children see them? Were they given the same attention as the call each man answered? Did their sons and daughters feel that their fathers cared for them in the same way as they burned to make a difference in the world and gain significance amongst men?
Today repeat guest former Navy SEAL and self proclaimed ranch hand Brian Grogan discuss how fathers often choose a path that leads to power, status, financial gain or provides with the opportunity to serve their country through their bravery and courage on the battlefield, and how many times this comes at the expense of performing our duty, honoring our wife and children and the rewards of putting our families first.
This is the first instalment of our Saturday morning kickstart to the weekend for Dads. Nice short bite size topics to digest on the wayt to pick up rolls and croissants, on an early morning run or whatever you have going on a Saturday morning.
The weekend is the perfect time to check our priorities, decide to be intentional and present in our families and set us up for the coming week.
This week Tom talks about unhealthy dependencies and how these prevent us from being the men and fathers we are capable of.
Dads, this is an episode you don't want to miss. Bert puts a completely different spin on the food pyramid. Tom gives us some solid insight into how the unhealthy dependencies we have developed through childhood and into manhood can have a negative impact on the way we show up in the areas we claim are most important. This episode also signals The Dad Syndicate kicking off 2 new short and info-packed podcast episodes a week. Bert's Brute Health will provide you with everything, and we mean everything you need as a dad to step up in the physical health arena so that you can live a long happy life and enjoy the best physical conditioning possible without sacrificing all the things that make living worthwhile and setting you up for failure by encouraging you to find quick fixes you can't maintain. Consistency is key to Brute Health, and that's what Bert will be giving you in 10 to 15 minutes each week. Also, look out for Tom's Two Cents every Saturday morning to set us up to own our roles as dads on the weekend, and get us in the best mindset possible to make our way intentionally through each weekend as present fathers.
With so much information on how to parent effectively flooding in from all over the place, it's hard to know if we are coming or going as fathers sometimes. The latest study says this, the next says that and Duncan down the road also feels compelled to share his pearls of wisdom with anyone who will listen! So what should we do? Who's right and what's wrong? In this episode, we talk about having a tried and tested road map to parenting that doesn't change with every new finding but is founded on core values and beliefs.
We also talk about the pursuit of happiness and how this ultimately leads to dissatisfaction and chasing after things we don't really want or need.
My guest today is a pastor and is a father to four daughters and shares his thoughts on how he is raising them to be caring, courageous and loving people who show grace to others and stand up for what is right.
We all talk about priorities. Yet it seems we are often just paying them lip service. Do you really know what is most important to you? And even if you are certain, do your actions speak louder than your words? In this episode we discuss being very clear on what our priorities are and the way that being laser focused on what is most significant and brings the most meaning to our lives can help us to be more present and calm parents. I thoroughly enjoyed this episode and think you will too!
This episode I have the great pleasure of talking Isaac Tolpin. He is a man of many talents, none less impressive than his ability to raise 8 children. But it takes more than talent to teach, mentor and lead such a big family. It takes commitment, intentionality, sacrifice and many more characteristics to succeed in our life’s most important mission.
Isaac talks us through the importance of being present during our children’s younger years, and dispels the myth that if we need to hustle to get to the top that this is the time to do it. We discuss the likelihood that we aren’t really giving our best even though we claim to be doing this and how prioritising effectively can help us achieve our dreams both in our careers and as fathers. Isaac also touches on what it like raising teenage children (he has 4!) and what we as fathers need to do before they reach this stage in order to make these years a blessing and not a curse, as well as the role that his belief in God has helped him become the father and husband he is today.
It is a fascinating and entertaining conversation that helps us realise that a positive mindset about raising kids, whether it be 8 or just 1, allows us to see parenting as the incredible privilege it is and not the burden many people tend to label it as. I trust you enjoy it. Let us know what you think by leaving a rating or review! Thanks!
Let's get one thing straight - Children need their mother AND their father.
In this episode I provide you with the many reasons that children should be in a share parenting model after divorce wherever possible. These motivations for 50/50 parenting come directly from the list I compiled while fighting for equal time with and for my kids. It took 5 years to achieve that goal!
I hope you can experience that too and that your children grow up spending as much time as possible with their dad.
This is quite a hard hitting episode in several places, BUT we can't hold back when it comes to this issue. Children need fathers. Let's make 50/50 parenting the standard.
There is perhaps no greater challenge for a father than finding himself divorced, no longer living with the kids and at the mercy of their mother and the family courts, who often award custody to the mother, while the father is relegated to "Weekend Dad" and must pay for it in more ways than just child support. It can be as devastating an experience as is possible, leading to severe consequences in father's lives and the lives of their children.
Being a successful divorced dad, who maintains a positive relationship with the children despite being divorced from their mother, with whom the relationship is often very strange and often toxic, is an extra burden for dads to bear.
While each divorce situation is unique, the more a dad knows about what to expect, the better he can react. And the better they react the greater the chance of them achieving their goal of seeing their children more and being able to fulfill their roles as fathers.
Dads who manage the situation effectively share some common threads in their approach and attitude. What can you do to have a greater probability of success in this situation?
In this episode Bert and Tom discuss the commitment we made when we became fathers and attempt to answers some of the questions related to maintaining and developing this trait in a world full of distraction and obligation.
Why do some fathers find it so hard to step up and commit to their roles as fathers?
How did we get so "busy" that we neglect this role?
Why are we so easily distracted by the commitments we have to clearly less important things?
Is there such a thing as being too committed to parenting?
How do we find the sweet spot between losing ourselves in parenting and not being involved enough?
And how can we change the stereotypes that have surrounded fathers and bring more awareness to the immense significance a father plays in his children's lives?
What is clear is that choosing to commit can add value to our lives but commitment to things that distract us from our greatest calling in life can rob us and our children of the wonder that being a tight knit family can bring.
In this episode, we discuss the partnership, or lack thereof between parents and teachers in ensuring that our children get the most out of their time at school. Far too many dads are leaving the education of their children to teachers and moms and not placing the necessary significance on their role as primary educators and the the vital part they can play in helping their kids thrive at school. At the same time they have unrealistic expectations of teachers, who as a result of father's lack of involvement, have to pick up the pieces and perform many other functions apart from facilitating the acqusition of knowledge and development of schools. If these words make you feel uncomfortable, good! Time to step up and take responsibility for how your child shows up at school and stop leaving it to overworked, underpaid and underappreciated educators!
Brian Grogan was a navy Seal for 23 years. On the podcast he shares his journey to becoming part of an elite group of soldiers and how this trained him to face uncertainty with courage, calm and intentionality. One would think that getting through BUDS and rubbing shoulders with some of the toughest men alive would prepare you for marriage and fatherhood and that you would deal with everyday challenges with grace and aplomb. Right? WRONG...Until now...
Brian is open and honest about the mistakes he has made, the weaknesses he recognized and how he eventually translated the lessons he learned as a NAVY SEAL to being a good husband and father. Like all of us he has not got it all together. But he is determined to earn his trident every day for his wife, his children, those around him and for himself.
"You get one round to raise children and win at life. Commit!"
Alan Placer is from New Jersey, USA, where he runs the company he founded and developed while raising his 10-year-old son on his own after his divorce. Alan puts great value on being committed to stepping up in all the arenas of your life as a man and a father. His son, now 20, has high functioning autism which presented its own challenges, especially when it came to helping to navigate his child through a school system that was ill-prepared to support children with different learning barriers and social struggles effectively.
Alan made a decision to apply himself to become the best father he could be and to focus on the positive things in life, all while building a seven figure business. He also believes that as fathers we set the example for our children by helping those around us and being ready to serve in whatever capacity required. Alan is able to give an excellent post mortem on his success as a parent - his son left the house at 18 and already has a successful career at 20 inspite of the multiple hurdles along the way. It was a real pleasure to have Alan on the podcast and this show is well worth the listen!
In this episode we introduce you the Dad Syndicate and tell you a bit more about who we are. We talk about the 7 Arenas of life a father should work on and we have a discussion on what it means to be a real man-making soap, watching The Notebook and singing...
Before we become fathers, we have a far greater amount of time at our disposal to work on ourselves and step up as a man first before carrying the responsibility of raising kids successfully. In order to raise happy kids, we need to know who we are and be satisfied with who we are and the life we have created. Today my guest talks about just that. John Davies is a university language professor who works in South Korea and he leads us through the process by which he is developing himself into the man he wants to be and his family need and deserve. His journey is one that every man must take at some stage of his life in order to live the best he can. He talks about turning from a life of aimless drifting to one of intentional and setting clear objectives. We also discuss working on our relationships with our significant others, specifically when our partner is from another culture, so that our relationships form the backbone for parenting and facing the stresses that come along with that. John tells us about his desire to pass on his core values to his children and how accepting others as they are and not placing expectations on them leads to greater happiness. Finally John points out that the time we spend trying to change others would be better invested in working on ourselves. He is a stoic warrior and his message is pertinent to fathers and future fathers alike.
Are you raising entitled and indulged chidren? Is your kid always throwing a raging fit until they get what they want? Are they running your life? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself, “am I raising a child that contributes positively to our family or turns the dream we have into a nightmare?” You want to give yourself the best odds of producing a human being who is not a disaster and also make it through the first 18 years of his or her life without going bonkers. These days, with all the other input you have no control over, not raising these kind of kids requires intentionality and hard work. So if you aren't interested in some blood, sweat and tears, then this podcast might not be for you. Here are our 7 recommendations on how not to raise nightmare kids:
We are indeed our own harshest critic!
Sometimes you have to treat yourself as you'd treat your best friend.
By being kind, telling them words of wisdom and that things will work out because they will and you need to believe that yourself.
The biggest downfall of being hard on yourself is the voices between your ears, your worst enemy, which is yourself.
Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.
In this episode Tom interviews Joshua Laycock on the importance of your mindset and how to renovate your mindset to be a better man, partner and father.
A conversation about the importance of mental health, how meditation makes us better men and why you need a morning routine.
Part two of three in our health and fitness part.
This episode we talk about lifting heavy stuff, cardio and it's role.
Some family chaos that comes with being a father and don't be a zealot!
Arena 1: Health & Fitness. Tom and and Bert discuss nutrition, coffee, donuts and the importance of a cheat meals, or better yet a reward meal. Part 1 of our 3 part series on health and fitness.