Ballet Misfits Blog Podcast: Recent Episodes

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A few months ago, my whole ballet world toppled.

In short, I went from “ballet forever, every day” and “it’s never too late to start and you can get really good at it!” to: It’s not working for me any more, and I maybe I even hate it.

This crash built over quite a while, but the trigger were really three things:

1) After that incredible accomplishment of getting accepted into the Teacher Training Program at Canada’s National Ballet School, AND managing to crowdfund the high tuition - my study permit didn’t get approved in time and I wasn’t able to enroll this school year. I struggled with that significant change of plans and the hole that it tore into them.

2) From one day to the next, I left my ballet home of five years. And when I say “home”, it was more than just a studio. It was a place that had significantly shaped my identity and skill as a dancer. It was a safe space, a refuge, the first (and maybe only) place where I really felt taken seriously with my ballet aspirations. But I clearly felt it was time to leave that nest if I wanted to continue to grow.

3) I didn’t really feel at home in my body any more. Ever since developing a fibroid, and then getting it successfully removed surgically, my body never really recovered to a sustainable ballet shape. My physical form felt fragile and unpredictable and all the movement things that had been fun suddenly became a source of discomfort.

So in essence, I lost three homes at the same time: One with a real past and deep history (my old studio). One that was the promised land of my future (Canada’s National Ballet School). And the one that was supposed to get me from one to the other, and really was the foundation for everything and all (my body).

This sudden homelessness in ballet and my body - areas that had such a deep and important meaning to me - felt debilitating. I’d say it was traumatizing in the sense that I wasn’t able to process it while it was happening.

My first instinct was to keep moving. The show must go on:

I didn’t have a ballet home? Ok fine, then I’d find three new ones to replace it.

My body wasn’t feeling it? No problem, movement is medicine, right?, so just keep on trucking.

I searched for suitable classes all around the city and feverishly rode my bike every day to get to them. I was desperately trying to settle into this new routine, and kept my fingers crossed that my body would bounce back once it got used to this freshly-built regularity.

It didn’t happen.

Rather, more homelessness ensued:

The threat to lose our actual home - the owner of our house had started an eviction process against us, on quite sketchy grounds. As a single parent with a disabled child, in a crazy rental market, this terrified me.

Shortly after, my son lost his grounds and toppled into a serious mental health episode (he had to be hospitalized).

Topple-di-topple.

From this compounded stress, my body shut down even more. I had tightness everywhere, and my usual releases and meditations didn’t make it through what felt like an armor of tension. I felt like a shadow of myself in class: Moving awkwardly, unable to enjoy what used to feel so delicious. I lost a lot of range of motion, stretching started feeling like punishment rather than like the usual delightful challenge. I had the feeling that even my skill level was regressing. I was falling out of love with ballet. I wasn’t sure if there was a point to it any more. I was embarrassed to enter my Teacher Training Program in such a subpar physical state.

And also mentally, I was cracked. My attempts to help my son with his issues, and to resolve the eviction issue, felt like running at full speed but not getting anywhere. I started procrastinating, and my mental health quickly deteriorated. I was seriously worried of breaking down so much that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my son and everyday chores any more.

One day, as I was fevereshly biking through fresh-fallen snow to get to class, my bike chain broke, just like that. I had just very recently bought that bike! It was clear that I wouldn’t make it to class in time walking or Ubering.

In this moment, I finally gave up.

I gave up on attempting to continue business as usual while all my homes were falling apart. I finally let myself topple down as low as needed.

It suddenly hit me that the remedy to my struggles was not in ‘keeping it moving’ and forcing myself to push through.

I needed to give myself time and space to feel, contemplate, and process without pressures and high expectations.

The first thing I did was to significantly cut my class schedule. I limited myself to 2-3 per week - if possible at all. Sometimes I wouldn’t go to class for weeks. I also didn’t go back to teaching my regular classes and only took on occasional subbings. Because while my son was out of the hospital, he did struggle every morning to get going, which often meant that I couldn’t make it to class on time or commit to teaching in the mornings. I stopped worrying about such days, reminded myself that this phase would pass one day, too, and just went with the flow.

I gave myself time to work through and recover from the disappointment of the deferred Teacher Training Program and the somewhat dark hole that that delay had thrown me into.

I started looking for community and support: I joined a new co-working space (for my office work and writing) where all members have some sort of let’s-make-the-world-better agenda; it is a work home unlike any other I have ever been in. I reached out to my neighborhood community for help. I found more support for my son to help him deal with his academic and mental health challenges.

Through the co-working community, I also found a lawyer who specialized on housing matters. His calm, knowledgeable and grounded approach finally moved the needle on dealing with the difficult eviction situation. Not that it is resolved yet, but I now have clarity about what’s going on, what to expect, and what to do. In a way I already reclaimed my home, no matter what will happen.

Next, I found dance studio space to rent in close proximity to my CSI location, at a very affordable rate. So I started booking it a few times per week, doing my own class and practice, and giving myself time to reconnect with my body and rediscover my love for ballet.

And last, I gave myself wholehearted permission to question EVERYTHING. I allowed myself to contemplate quitting ballet and not doing the Teacher Training Program. I gave myself time and space to wonder whether I should find a new apartment for my son and myself, or whether it would even be better to move back to Germany. And get some regular 9-5 job in an office. I spent a lot of time in nature reconnecting with my “inner home” to really figure out what mattered and what didn’t.

Part of this was to let myself sit through the grief over resenting my “dream ballet life”, when I had worked so bravely to give up the safety of “normal adult life” for it. Through the pain of feeling trapped in a life plan that suddenly didn’t seem that great any more. Through the fear that the commitment to a spectacular Teacher Training Program, with tuition provided by a couple hundred crowd funders, had raised the stakes so high that I felt I couldn’t possibly deliver.

I went back and forth between the solitude of complete withdrawal and the love of close friends and like-minded truth seekers. I didn’t write/post/blog anything for months, but words formed in quiet conversations and silent meditations.

And so the healing begins.

My first tender realization: Struggling with something, even hating it at times, doesn’t mean I have to quit it. I mean yeah, in my 20s and 30s, that was fine, that’s the time of trying and experimenting a lot, and some things stick and some I let go. But when you get to your 40s and beyond, I think that selection process has largely happened. You are left with what has really meaning to you, and you add new things very deliberately. The feeling of wanting to quit then warrants a more detailed examination: Do I really want to quit, or do I rather need to find a new, innovative, envelope-pushing angle at it? A way of doing it that incorporates my way of being, instead of constantly pushing against traditional ways and my inner resistance against them? At this stage of life, I know that I don’t have to take things as they are and how they have always been, I am allowed to put my unique spin on it. It’s not easy, and not everyone will like that, and that’s ok.

And the crucial realization: I am NOT done with ballet. In fact, I may only be getting into the deep end of it! I am reconnecting with it at a more informed level that is more concerned with how it feels and works on the inside rather than with how it looks on the outside. And I love sharing those insights in the classes that I teach. And while going through the Teacher Training Program will be challenging, I want it badly, for the depth and quality that I truly crave.

In the meantime, I will continue to give myself the time and studio space (and often a slow pace!) for exploring my unique take on learning and teaching ballet. I am working on finding practices that honor my body’s signals and struggles, and see how I can work with them instead of pushing against them (or pretend that everything is fine). And sometimes that may include “quitting” ballet for a while and come back to it with fresh eyes.

All that is constantly evolving, but I guess home is where you make it. A topple can build a whole new world after all.

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If you have followed this blog for a while, you already know - for all others: It happened. I made it through the two-round audition and was accepted into Canada’s National Ballet School’s Teacher Training Program 2022/2023, starting this fall. After getting cut in the first round three years ago.

While that still feels a bit surreal, I didn’t have much time to contemplate that surrealness. The next even bigger challenge followed suit: How to pay for that whole thing?

The dream ballet teaching education: Unaffordable?As an international student, I have to pay more than double the tuition than what Canadian students have to pay. My bill is at slightly over CAD 22,000 (approx USD 17,000 or EUR 16.700). Add to that expenses for extra support for my son as I will be out of the house all day and not able to take care of him as before. Add to that not being able to work during the full-time program.

Now, you could look at these numbers and conclude: A high-quality ballet teaching certification is completely out of reach for a single parent of a disabled child.

It’s true: I don’t have that kind of money, due to my age I’m not eligible for any student financial support, and thus, traditionally, shouldn’t even attempt to apply for the program.

And here is where I believe the world as we know it is changing. Not only are career opportunities becoming more available and accessible past the typical career-entry age - their financing options are becoming more accessible, too. And the big player in this regard: Crowdfunding.

Removing financial barriers, the uncomfortable wayI actually immediately thought of crowdfunding when thinking about how to pay for such a high tuition. I liked the idea of community, it would allow me to raise the money quickly (I had a couple of months), and I was excited about the creativity that could go into such a campaign. The uncertainty of whether I could reach my goal or not felt interesting, too.

At the same time, the idea of a crowdfunding campaign felt deeply uncomfortable. The thought of transparently displaying in public that I just didn”t have that money and had no other means of getting it felt too vulnerable. Asking people to give money was something I associated with high awkwardness. In my mind, it was only for people in really precarious emergency situations, and was mine not a “luxury project”?

In the end, maybe the past years that I spent in Canada tipped me towards giving it a try. I find that people here, just like in the US, are way more chill about crowdfunding as a totally legit way of fundraising. Whereas my hesitancy and shame probably came from my German upbringing - where you either just have the money or if you don’t, then don’t buy it and either way, don’t talk about it publicly.

So I threw myself all in. Got a wonderful director friend to help me with planning the campaign story and video, worked away on my own fevereshly, and finally launched in the end of June 2022, with roughly 2.5 months to go before the start of the school year. It felt so weird to put out something that was completely out of my sphere of life experiences, with not the slightest clue whether it would work or not.

Well, let me cut the story short and say: It worked, for the most part: While the campaign has not reached its goal yet, the tuition is fully covered and the payment currently processed! (I wasn’t able to start my studies yet due to delays in student visa processing, but that is just a matter of time, see more below.) This was not only thanks to my wonderful and generous crowdfunding donors alone, but also because Canada’s National Ballet School kindly approved generous financial aid based on my specific circumstances.

Building a new world full of opportunities, and the ability to pay for themWhat is remarkable is not only that I reached a financial goal that just a few months before appeared completely out of reach in my lifetime, but also how my relationship to crowdfunding evolved over the past months. The shame and vulnerability that I initially felt pretty much dissolved as I was in the deep end, while my appreciation for the power of crowdfunding significantly grew during that time. I now actually think that crowdfunding should become way more widespread as one of life’s tools to pay for things and opportunities. So by sharing my inner changes around it, I hope I can contribute to normalizing crowdfunding as away to make significant life changes a reality. Here are my five inner shifts that happened over the course of the campaign:

1) It massively increases financial equity by removing gate keepers and timelinesThe usual scenario when needing a lot of money for something really amazing? Find (more) paid work. Save up. Get a loan. Apply for a grant. The common thread of all those? They either take time or require someone’s approval - or both. So if you don’t have the time or don’t get the approval, you’re out of luck: What if you don’t get the job; saving could take years or decades, your bank or grant institution could say no, application times could go forever, or you might not even be eligible to apply. With crowdfunding, things can go super fast, and because a lot of people contribute whatever they are comfortable with, it’s a very democratic process with no gatekeeper approval required. There are no formal barriers - it’s only you, your creativity, your story, your willingness to put in all the hard work in the background. It also doesn’t matter if many people say “no” - because you have all those who said “yes”.

2) It’s a powerful tool for women and for changing patriarchal economic structures Financial inaccessibility impacts women to a higher degree - because they statistically do more care work and are paid less, and because our economy is still built around patriarchal structures and dynamics. So I think crowdfunding is a particulary powerful game changer for women and for any kind of idea that challenges the (patriarchal) status quo. In my case, it was challenging ageism - in other words, creating a world in which anyone can start ballet at any age and still make a career in it. In my situation as the main caregiver to a child with a disability, crowdfunding was an absolutely life-saving idea, as I wouldn’t have been able to raise the money so quickly in any other way, and I could do so without going into debt, which would have been a liability considering my caregiving responsibilities.

3) Sharing a story and connection vs. shame I was initially so afraid of “begging” for money - and then it turned out that I was actually just sharing my story, connecting with people, and then thanking them for their kind and generous donations. As much and hard as I looked, there was absolutely nothing shameful about that! Everyone had a choice if they wanted to give or not, and how much they gave. And when I said it didn’t matter how small the amount, it really did feel that way. In the end I find that my crowdfunding campaign became a way of co-creating something bigger than just my access to a high-level ballet program. It really is about creating a new world where everyone has more access to the things that are truly meaningful to them - regardless of age and socio-economic background. It is about having conversations about how this world could look like and the donation become a building block of it.

4) The beauty of community-based economyI was so afraid of awkwardness that I didn’t even expect the beautiful community that would form around this campaign! It started with my friends who were the first to donate, but then grew wider circles as my campaign made appearances in the local media and beyond. I was touched by how many people cared and drew inspiration from my building a ballet-teaching career as an adult ballet starter. Again, it wasn’t so much only about the ballet part - but rather the “late building” part that resonated with many. I was also deeply touched by how many in this crowdfunding community donated a second time when time was getting tight and I was a couple €/$1000s short. Every time I write an update for the campaign it feels like a letter to friends and I feel all the people who donated around me. I got so many kind comments, responses, notes. That is the type of world and beyond-transactional “economy” I long for - co-operative, meaningful, genuine, and caring.

5) Making peace with myselfI think my most stubborn and central belief around crowdfunding was “if I had just worked and saved more in my life, I wouldn’t need to bother people with a crowdfunding campaign”. That was fueled by some experiences early on in the campaign where some of my social media posts in some groups were deleted as spam, or a friend told me that other friends were critical of my crowdfunding efforts. So I had a choice to make: Would I keep feeling bad and invest in those self-undermining ideas - that whole crap that crowdfunding is the “cheap“ way out, and that it’s a harrassment to people? Ugh. Honestly, enough of that. First of all, a crowdfunding campaign is actually super hard work. And second, with time I realized that enough people were not bothered at all - quite the contrary, they were delighted and happy to see me fly with it. So I decided that all was ok, and that I would enjoy the process as much as I could. And I did. I still do!

The campaing hit a major milestone in the end of August, when it fully covered the tuition. Fast forward to now, roughly six weeks into the school year. My campaign has somewhat a plateaued since that milestone, which is certainly due to the current circumstances: Unfortunately I didn’t get to start the Teacher Training Program due to my study permit application still pending. I therefore had to defer my enrollment until next year. Because of all the administrative work around this over the past weeks, I didn’t have the time to work at the campaign as much as before. The deferral also put a break into further media interest, so there was less visibility for the campaign overall. But I still continue to raise for additional support for my son when I am in school and will re-start my efforts as the date draws nearer. The whole delay has honestly been a huge disappointment, but there is nothing I can do about it other than to roll with it. Patience is always learned the hard way :)

So: Yes, it does work. You absolutely can crowdfund a ballet-related career, even at an advanced age. And not only that, it actually works in a powerful and equitable way. I hope to see more campaigns in the ballet world and beyond and would be happy to help in any way I can!

Thank you so much for being a reader of this blog, and possibly also one of my crowdfunding supporters! I appreciate your interest and help so much. Have you ever crowdfunded, or looked down on crowdfunding, or are you considering it for a future project, ballet-related or not? What are your thoughts and feelings around it? If you ever decide to crowdfund for one of your big goals, please absolutely let me know and tell me if I can help in any way. Lots of love and to more changing the world!

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One of my favorite parts of the audtion: Doing character dance for the first time!

Can adult ballet starters - and I mean those of us who really started way into adulthood, with no previous training in childhood - eventually become legit ballet teachers?

It seems like a rhetorical questions, because “why not”, right? If you work hard enough, why shouldn’t a late starter to ballet eventually qualify for teaching ballet classes? But fact is, there ain’t many. Like, have you ever had any teachers who started as adults? Exactly. We have very little reference for how a trajectory from “total ballet beginner” to “ballet teacher” could look like, when you start ballet in your 30s, 40s, and beyond. The ballet teacher space is mostly occupied by former or current professional dancers, or those who at least trained in childhood.

And I think that’s a real loss.

While it’s amazing to have since-childhood-trained teachers who spent their formative years in ballet, we completely miss out on those who spent their formative years entirely different. And, just as important, who know how it feels to learn ballet LATE, and can directly relate to students who started late, too.

Fortunately, with the massive growth of adult ballet all over the world, this could be slowly changing. With more adult-age students getting into ballet, we can expect a growing number of them becoming ballet teachers at some point.

So then the next questions is: How do you do it? How do you know when you’re ready to teach, and how do you ensure you have enough technical ability, teaching skills, and ballet knowledge to not burn any students to the ground? :) (Ok exaggerating a bit.)

Two Ways to get into teachingI think there are many ways into it, but I think they fall under two distinct categories: 1) Low-barrier and 2) high-barrier entry into teaching.

Low-barrier entries into teaching are kind of a slow evolution into teaching: This could be someone simply deciding to start teaching. Which is kind of made easy as the term “ballet teacher“ is not regulated. Anyone can call themselves that. Other examples are getting low-time/money-investment qualifications like Progressing Ballet Techinque and other ballet conditioning methods. So while the entry barrier is low, it doesn’t mean that the quality is low, it just means that experience and abilities are gained over a succession of small upgrades over long, open-ended periods of time.

High-barrier entries into teaching are typically ballet teaching degrees and certificates that happen over a defined period of time and usually require a high investment of time and money. Usually the barrier involves an audition process and meeting specific expectations in terms of ballet technique and commitment to teaching. Of course, teaching experience still has to be gained over an open-ended period of time, but there is a clearly-defined ”bang” - i.e. graduation from the program - that sets off the teaching career.

My observation is that adult starters tend to pursue low-barrier entries into teaching, and that’s also how it started for me. It’s first and foremost a matter of practicality - I mean really, who has the time and resources to study ballet teaching full time for one or several years :-D Also, high-barrier entry options like teacher training programs are scarce and they will usually require a relocation to another city or country for most of us - something not everybody is willing or able to do.

First Audition try: A sobering experienceWith my background in sports and professional strength&conditioning, the low-barrier entry into teaching naturally evolved for me, once I started to feel the gentle nudge to teach a few years ago. I started by offering ballet conditioning courses and classes. They were all online, another good example of low-barrier entry - anyone can create a virtual ballet studio at their own home.

But quite early on, I felt I wanted more than that.

So a little less than five years after starting ballet, in the beginning of 2019, I decided to try high-barrier 💪I didn’t think of it as such back then - I just happened to spend time in Toronto, Canada’s National Ballet School (NBS) was around the corner and one of THE big players in the global ballet community, and they had a teacher training program (TTP)! So with full-on bravery, I applied to audition for it.

I didn’t make it.

In fact, I didn’t even make it through the first round, which was basically an intermediate-level, RAD-based ballet class. Barre was ok-ish, but the center was a bit too much for me. In fact, the feedback I got was that my vocabulary in the center wasn’t secure enough and that I should get more training, and ideally work towards a RAD Intermediate exam. There were also other concerns that were not related to my technical skills but rather to my life situation, but I won’t get into detail here because I think those shouldn’t matter that much if a candidate is committed and has potential to be a good teacher.

I was a bit disappointed, but felt that the technical feedback was reasonable. (You can read about it here.) I could definitely benefit from more confidence and security in the center. So I decided that I would just keep training and try again next year.

Next year came, and I absolutely didn’t feel it any more. I am not quite sure what it was - but teaching was just not in the foreground for me. Maybe, as it was the beginning of 2020, things started feeling a bit tense around that Covid thing. But maybe it was also the realization that I wanted to be at a much better point in my ballet before taking on the big responsibility to teach it to someone else.

Then Covid hit, and many of my training plans were instantly pulverized. I made the best of it, managed to continue daily training, and amongh other things, started working with a new teacher who would have massive positive influence on my technical development. For a total of two years, I went back to full-on student-mode. Not even distracted by rehearsals and performances, because, ya, Covid. I have written here before how it starting morphing into something I call “practice” - i.e. the doing and learning of ballet just for its own sake; with more commitment than “just a hobby”, but also a different quality than “professional”.

POst-Covid Resurrection of teaching dreamsBut then somewhat unexpectedly, in the beginning of this 2022 year, the tug to teach came back, and a little less gentle this time. On quite short notice. In the months prior, I had been teaching a bit more online and in-person private classes; I had gotten all three levels of Progressing Ballet Technique Certification, and I was invited to sub occasionally at one of my favorite studios and absolutely loved it. It was already way into February when I re-connected with the idea of a ballet teacher certfication. I checked the NBS website, and alas, it was not too late to audition for the 2022/2023 school year. I didn’t think it over, I immediately registered for the first audition round. It would again be a ballet class and an interview, but online this time.

A Sudden Second Audition tryAnd then things happened very fast. After the registration deadline, I received an email offering me to join an audition session the next day if I wanted, a spot had opened up. I had expected a bit more advance notice, haha, but I jumped at the opportunity - I know that I usually benefit from less overthinking time :-) The class was again roughly intermediate level, RAD-based, with about five candidates attending our session. I had a bit trouble with making the center exercises in my small home studio and started getting a bit worried. But we were encouraged to modify the exercises slightly to make them work for our space, and that kind of “co-creating” (to give it a bit of a positive spin hehe) actually felt empowering and helped me find more confidence and calm my nerves. The class was followed by an approx. 30min interview a few days later which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was with the teacher training program coordinator and I truly enjoyed talking with her about what it means to teach and help students not only get better in their technical skills, but better as human beings. And how I was passionate to work with people who had gotten into ballet late while still believing in and holding them accountable to high technical standards! I felt there was an openness to consider teacher candidates not only on the basis of training them to teach pre-professional children, but based on a variety of backgrounds and goals for later teaching.

Still, I was extremly excited and positively surprised when I was informed that I had made it into the final stage of the audition! The fact that I had come a step further compared to three years ago felt extremly rewarding.

It’s getting serious: Final stage Assessment SeminarBut, next challenge: The second and final stage of the audition would be an intense two-day assessment seminar with dance classes, lectures/lessons, and written as well as practical assessments. All online, via Zoom. The kicker: We were required to secure studio space for those two days, about 15 hours in total. Now try to get a studio, in Toronto, during the week for two full days, that is available AND financially accessible :-D (The audition cost itself was already around CAD 400 for both stages, so the studio rent would be on top of that). As expected, it proved a bit challenging. I called, and emailed, and talked to all kind of studio owners or -knowers, but the studios were either in use or prohibitively expensive.

Until a dance friend referred me to one of her dance friends who had a small belly dance studio. Since the studio was empty on those days, she was able to offer me a very friendly rate for the two days together. Still, it was small, so I made sure to check in with the school if it would be sufficient and you can imagine my relief when I got green light from them :-)

I then quickly took care of other formalities (borrowing a skirt for the character dance class and confirming that I was allowed to use my ballroom dance shoes for the class as well, borrowing suitable leos that would contrast the studio background well). And then of course panic set in: I needed to prepare!! I wasn’t good enough and surely I would not be able to pick up the combinations quickly enough!! My studio space wasn’t large enough so they won’t be happy with my diagonals!! I’m screwed, I am way too old, and why am I even trying??

As the audition was announced as “intermediate and beyond” level, I started working on RAD Intermediate exam exercises as a way to prepare for the audition. Most of the training I had done since the first audition was focused on foundational ballet movement patterns and my classes were thus more basic when it came to combinations and complexity. I actually had lots of fun with the RAD work and enjoyed the challenge of learning the combinations and getting better at them. I mean, I didn’t have any studio space for my work, so it all took place either marking at home or in the half hour before a class, but still, it was a nice way to get into the logic. I still felt blatantly underprepared, but when ever don’t I ;-)

FINALLY: THE AUDITION DAYSThe days came, and equipped with all kind of virtual class gadgets (laptop, projector, LED light ring) and nourishing food (Thermosed lunch, afternoon snacks) I made my way over to the studio. I arrived very early, as it took me about two hours to empty out the space, set up my equipment, and warm up.

And off we went.

Long story short: It was truly an amazing experience. The program was extremly well put together and NBS did a great job keeping things rolling with great clarity and solving any technical issues that invariably come up when you spend two days on Zoom. I can honestly say that I learned tons, especially around music, that immediately improved my understanding of teaching ballet. Each class was staffed with three panelists in addition to the teacher; some classes ran initially without the panel and were joined by the panelists towards the end (to kind of see the “end result” or assessment).

Here is a quick recap of the seminar if you are interested, otherwise just skip this paragraph:

The first day started with an introduction, followed by a ballet class, followed by a creative movement class. The momentum was high, in the center we went group by group, and being in the first group it was a nice kind of challenge, because, well, less time to pick up combinations, so I had to face my biggest fear head-on hehe. In the creative movement class we had a section with breakout rooms where we quickly had to put together a choreography with five other candidates that we had never met before. (I was honestly very impressed and delighted by the leadership qualities of some of the candidates - so much younger than me and so much more confident!). Next up was a music lesson and a dance history lecture that opened up a whole new world for me. On the second day, we started with a written assessment: We were sent questions - by email - related to the history lecture, and then had a bit more than an hour to complete our responses, in essay form, and email them back. Next was the character dance class. I had never done character dance before, and the class was designed in a way that it could be done by character novices, but it was nicely challenging and kept me very high on my toes. In fact I loved it more than I expected, I totally enjoyed my skirt and heels, and it actually made me want to do more of it! After that, another ballet class with another teacher. Finally a practical assessment: Our homework from the day before was to prepare one 32-count center exercise that exemplified the things we had learned in the music lesson. I was assigned port de bras/adage, and had to go as the very first one (I’m not kidding, I was assigned number 1A for the whole audition, so that put me in the first group, as the first one :-D). I liked this part a lot (even though I was so nervous that my voice felt tense), also because it was the first time that we actually connected a bit more among each other (everyone was invited to go along as the demonstrating candidate showed the exercise).

And that was it. We had a chance to watch a NBS class that was running that day, and finally we got together with current NBS TTP students. I enjoyed that meeting of other candidates and current students, it was really nice to chat and hear about the current students’ experiences and recommendations.

Post-Audition FeelsI briefly sat with the relief of having made it through and the gratitude for everything I learned. I felt a mix of anxiety - had my performance been good enough? Did they see enough in my small space? - and a great sense of accomplishment of just having gone through something that not many people in my age and in my life situation would attempt, and that I certainly never expected to do. I gave myself credit for how I did a full-blown audition despite being nervous, despite part of my attention having to deal with an angry landlord and a grumpy teenager during those two days, and despite not being in an ideal studio space. Yes, I had certainly messed up a lot - falling out of pirouettes, missing steps, losing turnout, Zoom connectivity problems - but just the fact that I had managed to come that far and showed up for the seminar was way more accomplishment than NOT doing it and spending the day at home! This became the overarching feeling. And in the end I did have the feeling that I was able to honestly show where my technical abilities were at and who I was as a person, teacher, and leader.

We were 23 candidates at this final audition stage, and we were informed that about 10-12 spots would be opened, and we would be informed about the results of our audition within two weeks.

I didn’t have a clear sense for how things might go, so I tried to let go of thinking too much about it and tried to not get my hopes up. In the end, the audition had made it even more clear to me that I wanted to teach and that I would find ways to get good teacher training. I really wanted and felt ready for that high-barrier step in my ballet teacher evolution. I wanted to be challenged to the max, and get the experience of an intense period of learning and getting better, in an environment that wouldn’t easily let me off the hook. The professionalism, the dedication, the commitment to teaching that was immanent in the school and the teacher program felt like the quality that I was seeking.

Adults ballet world vs “real” ballet world - looking for the bridgesThis story is also one example of my drive to seek bridges between the adult ballet world, and the “real” (professional) ballet world. I strongly believe that it won’t serve us adult ballet starters if we hide in our own fortress of “less than”, of self-doubts, or excuses why we can’t get very far, or settling for less movement quality than we are capable of. On the other hand, it doesn’t mean we have to adopt all the practices of childhood and professional ballet training and dance - on the contrary, we have so much to contribute to the healthier, more diverse, more humane, and more empowered ballet of the future. But in order to be heard and seen, I think we also have to show up where all ballet things are happening, where ballet cultures are built, and were ballet dancers and teachers of the future are created. And not only show up - we need to be willing to be held accountable and continue to hone our skills with the confidence that they will get better if we keep at it.

How good do you have to be in order to teach?Someone on Instagram asked a great question under one of my audition posts: “Why would teacher candidates have to go through an audition? Does it really matter how well you dance in order to become a great teacher?” To which I’d say (briefly, as this could be a question for an entirely seperate article :-)) - to some part it doesn’t matter, otherwise only principal dancers could become great teachers. But to a large extent it does matter, because showing a certain technical quality is an indication of one’s understanding of ballet movement and artistry. It shows that you have dedicated enough time and energy to learn something in such a depth that you can take it apart and teach it to someone else. It doesn’t mean that you have to be able to demonstrate everything you teach perfectly and flawlessly - but once you have that basic skill set, it allows you to find ways to get your teaching points across, even if your students will eventually be able to execute the things you teach better than you.

But then the final question: What is that “basic technical skill set” that is a prerequisite for good ballet teaching? How good do you have to be in order to teach?

Of course it all depends on whom you want to teach - my goal, for instance, is not necessarily to teach pre-professional children but rather peope who started like me - way into their adulthood. Or people with physical limitations. Which means that I want my teaching skills to be absolutely sharp and as professional as someone’s who is teaching pre-pro kids, but it won’t require the same technical and artistic experience and ability from me. I won’t be teaching future world-class principal dancers - I will be teaching amazing adults with high ballet aspirations.

But still - is there a milestone that adult ballet starters should reach before considering to teach? I once heard someone say that it takes about 10 years of intense work to get proficient at something (a bit of an adaptation of the 10,000 hour rule) and while that is a bit of a rough estimate, there is a bit of truth in it. I also think that setting the bar at an Intermediate level (whether that’s RAD or any other syllabus) has merit - it acknowledges that you don’t have to be a professionally trained dancer in order to be a good teacher, but that you need a solid foundation that can be held accountable to certain technical expectations.

Audition REsults are in :)So, now ya all want to know what came out for me, right? :-D (Unless you follow me on th Gram, then you already know hehe.) So, drumroll: Yes, I made it 🎉I was offered a place in the one-year certificate program and I immediately accepted with lots of enthusiasm :-D I am still processing, and there is A LOT to take care of until the fall (like, fundraising for the tuition of approximately CAD 22,000 and additional cost of living, getting more support into place at home and for my son), plus, based on the feedback I got, a lot of technique things to work on. But it couldn’t feel more right to finally set my foot into the NBS door. I really appreciate this opportunity and the fact that the school was open and willing to increase their teacher program student diversity with regard to my age and non-ballet background. I think it’s wonderful when schools recognize that people come in with different starting points, goals, and technical abilities - but that as long as they are willing to fully and whole-heartedly commit themselves to the learning process and as long as they show potential and dedication as a teacher, they should be given a chance.

Why more adult starters should teachRegardless of the actual path into it, I am excited and looking forward to seeing more adult ballet beginners grow into great ballet teachers. We need your unique ballet learning experience as an “old” starter, your non-ballet life skills and experiences, and your reflected, nuanced, and educated take on learning and teaching ballet. While nothing and no one can replace teachers who got into ballet in early childhood, us late starters can come at it with a fresh perspective and our unique, fully-developed-body-and-brain ballet learning experience.

To those of you who are on the fence or not sure about teaching ballet some day: The fact that you’re even considering it, no matter how vaguely, is a clear sign that the desire is in you, trust me :-) I hope that my sharing of my story will give you the little nudge you need to explore and start out on your own path to teaching ballet, or at least think about it more bravely!

I recently ran a little Instagram Story poll about adult ballet starters and teaching, and the vast majority (about 2/3 or all respondents) was either teaching, planning to teach, or not sure about it yet. Meaning most of us feel the call not only into learning ballet, but also to passing it on to others. Where are you on this spectrum, and how do you feel about my thoughts and audition story?

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Always start something. Here, for the first time trying Character Dance barre exercises from YouTube as a preparation for my upcoming audition! Note that even the shoes are improvised (I am using my old Latin ballroom dance shoes) :), and I don’t have a Character skirt. But who cares as long as I am giving it my best shot!

Can ballet radically change you and your life - to the point where at or past middle-life, you start to look different, behave differently, embark on new career paths, make money they way you love it, and generally wake up with a renewed sense of purpose?

As I am days before my audition for the Teacher Training Program at Canada’s National Ballet School, I have started wondering about that a lot.

The audition for a super prestigeous ballet teaching education is sort of a culmination of all the unexpected and radical turns that my life took since I started ballet from scratch eight years ago, at age 37. Back then, I was far from the typical ballerina persona: I had been in “tough“ sports all my life (hockey, long-distance running, heavy weight lifting, all the team and racket sports that you can think of); I am tall; I didn’t qualify as “pretty” or “graceful” or overly flexible, or in any other way as talented. “Plain” nailed it more for me, especially when it came to dance or any other aesthetic movement forms. Ballet was also not some unfulfilled childhood dream. I was not even that much into arts in general - I grew up with a scientific mind, and eventually got a university degree in physics.

Over the course of my life until then, I had developed a concept of myself as a hard-working, rational, and physically unrefined woman with a somewhat male energy - far from the divine qualities of a graceful ballerina. And everything I did - whether professionally, or leisurely, would sort of re-confirm that concept: Which jobs I picked, which sports I played, how I approached lifes’s problems, even how I acted in relationships with others.

And that’s how life works right? You grow up, you develop a personality and beliefs about yourself; you pick an interest and get a degree in it; then you start working in your area of training; you pick hobbies that are in line with your qualities; you develop friendships and relationships that confirm who you are. And then you just keep being that person and keep doing those things and hang out with the same type of people, indefinitely. Everything stays pretty close to that initial trajectory you picked around that initial concept of yourself that you had.

Also, how you perceive your body is a big part of that. The experiences you have and the messages you get during childhood and adolescence form your physical identity and your self-beliefs about what your body is like: Whether you think it’s strong - or frail; whether you believe it’s talented/coordinated - or clumsy; whether you consider yourself a back pain person - or generally free of ailments; whether you can get it into a front split - or not even touching your toes, no matter how hard you work at; whether you age healthy - or deteriorate quickly. All these aspects are not some sort of inborn qualities - they are ideas about ourselves that solidify with time.

So when I stepped into a ballet class for the very first time - it felt like two diametrically opposing worlds clashed in a powerful big bang. It felt like I had slipped into a parallel universe where I was invited to break with everything I knew and believed about myself. Surprisingly, it didn’t feel alien - it felt like coming home. It felt liberating to not only have to be that rational/though sports/tom boy persona any more - I suddenly had permission to be someone more ethereal. It didn’t feel forced at all. In fact it felt less like becoming someone else - and more like releasing someone else who had been waiting for that release since ages ago.

That initial feeling of permission and release would have a huge impact on my life. Over the past eight years, my life has changed considerably to something more true and real for me.

Physically: I turned from a heavy work horse - into a much lighter and supple version of a horse (not sure if I would see myself as a “horse”, but hey, for the sake of the metaphor :-D). You can literally see it. Even though I was never much of a bulky and muscular person, I was very proud and identified with every muscle bulge I could grow. I equated muscle mass with strength and resilience, and my way was to muscle through everything. Ballet has shaved off lots of the superficial muscle volume and taught me that power and strength come from movement quality, from muscle efficiency rather than from muscle size. My posture changed, to the point where people started commenting on it.

My approach to life changed. “Muscling through” did not only apply to my physical activities - it was an attitude that guided so many areas in my everyday life: How I approached work, how I dealt with conflicts and challenges, how I parented, and how I chose what I did minute to minute. Ballet taught me that there is another way: That you can be powerful and effective, while staying calm and graceful. I became more targeted in my actions, started to pick my battles more carefully, and turned inwards more consistently, instead of looking to others and outside circumstances. It is way less perfect than I make it sound, haha but there is a trend :-D

I even left the city that I had a half-hearted relationship with, and moved to another continent. While that wasn’t initially planned nor connected to ballet, it was a result of graceful discernment of what was truly important to me, and what environment I wanted to be in. And it did create tons of ballet-related learning and performing opportunities, as well as many wonderful connections.

The audition for a high-level ballet teacher training program feels like a culmination, a very special milestone in that development. I am essentially taking a stab at becoming a professional ballet teacher. At age 45. If all goes well, I could be going back to school full-time this fall and come out with a professional ballet teaching certificate. Even if I don’t make it into the program, it took a lot of work to even successfully make it through the first stage of the audition, and the whole application process has given me more clarity about what I want. And no, it’s not about the piece of paper - it’s about the desire to learn in a professional environment and the commitment to create excellent learning opportunities for adult ballet starters.

It’s been a long way from the clumsy work horse physicist, and the absolute ballet beginner student - to this. To the person that is not so concerned with status, job positions and career steps any more, but is aspiring to make her livelihood from teaching ballet.

I am telling this story because there is so much fear in our world, in our society, to re-invent yourself radically at a later age. Especially if that reinvention involves your body and your physical performance and appearance. Women past 40 are expected to be on a downward path when it comes to their body, and better not draw too much attention to their apperance any more; and particularly not suddenly start learning and teaching ballet. Someone who aspires, enjoys, and seriously invests in this radical reinvention is often judged as flaky, irresponsible, not serious enough, and not a proper contributor to society. Those judgements and stigmas keep us locked tightly in semi-happy lives and deteriorating mental and physical health. They make us believe that radical re-invention is a frivolous luxury for ungrateful middle-aged women that are unwilling to commit.

So let’s set this straight: Re-inventing yourself and your life, turning towards what you really want even if you’re “old” - is NOT a luxury.

It is a necessity.

It keeps us not only alive - it enables us to live our best life. It’s a skill that can take our life from exhaustion to finally getting on track. And THAT will bring out the best in us - for our sake, and for the sake of the whole world.

Ballet, taken up late in life, certainly doesn’t solve all the problems. In fact it comes with its own baggage. But for some of us, it can be a powerful vehicle to the opposite of who we thought we had to be. It can open us to qualities in ourselves that we never knew we had. It can point to professional paths that we never expected to be available to us. It can help us build a body that we didn’t think we could have at our age.

If ballet helps us to radically redefine who we are, something incredibly freeing becomes available to us. So let’s take it and make something good with it 💜

I have tried time and again to keep ballet as a casual love affair - but it always wanted a serious relationship :-D While in the first years, it was all about moving up class levels and performing, I now feel very passionate about teaching and paying forward what I have received from countless wonderful ballet teachers over the years. What about you - what’s the status of your relationship with ballet? Fling? Until death do us part? “It’s complicated”? :-)

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Hello lovely people! To celebrate that I just signed up for the Level 3 Progressing Ballet Technique Teacher Certification Workshop that will take place in March, I thought I’ll give you a taste of my PBT teachings!

Please find here two short lessons that you can do any time, anywhere:

Lesson 1: Finding your Turnout

Lesson 2: Freedom in Port de Bras

(They’re about 25min each.)

I taught them last fall, when Julie Gill from Broche Ballet invited me to work with her students! So these are real-life recordings that Julie generously made available to you. I want to thank her very much for the teaching opportunity and the kind share! 💜

Would you like me to teach PBT for adult ballet starters at your studio as well? Email me at patricia@balletmisfits.dance 👍If you would like to read more of my philosophy around PBT, check out this blog article. Let’s create new paths for how adults learn ballet, one lesson at a time 💪🦵

I love when somebody says “feel” in their feedback about my classes - thank you! “Feeling it” over “making shapes”, every day 💪💪

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Ambitious adult ballet starters can often be caught between wanting more than "just a hobby" but not wanting to be a professional dancer either. This article proposes a third way: Building a daily ballet practice. It allows you to get as serious as you want, while still letting you keep the adult responsibilities that you want in your life. Listen in for a description of a practice and how to get started at building one.

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Exercise balls used to be the enemy - read how they’ve turned into a friend. Picture by Progressing Ballet Technique

I gave up on exercise balls a long time ago. So how does this go together with my recent Progressing Ballet Certification?? PBT is like all about the balls. Well, get ready for a good story.

In fact, I not only gave up on them - I became highly critical of them and completely passionately refused using them in my own training and in teaching/training others. (I am talking the big balls that you can sit on - also called Swiss balls, or gymnastics balls, depending on where you live).

The tide that turned against exercise balls - and the Circus ShowsIt was about 20 years ago, during my years as a strength & conditioning coach in professional hockey, when the tide started to turn against the exercise ball fashion.

Until then, they were part of a top-notch-forefront of strength & conditioning hype. The big promise: By introducing balls, you would create an unstable environment and therefore increase the stability demands on the core. It would add a nice higher progression to your usual core strength exercises. Meaning, you would get athletes with even stronger cores who could withstand all wiggling and unstable situations in their specific sport.

At least, that was the theory.

But the thing with humans and physical training, as with many other areas of life: 1) More does not necessarily equal better. 2) The law of diminishing returns.

So at some point, the first smart and evidence-based S&C coaches realized: Regarding 1): The training on the exercise balls did not transfer to better athletic performance. It created athletes that got better at exercises on exercise balls, but they did not get stronger in sport-specific situation. And re. 2): Even if they got more skilled at working on an unstable surface, and a certain instability was part of their sport (like hockey players on skates) – the gains from working on balls weren’t worth the time and effort.

Because here is the thing: When you are a high-performing athlete, the biggest challenge is to choose how to allocate your training time. You want the biggest bang for your buck. So if something makes you stronger but that additional strength doesn’t do much for you in your typical sport-specific scenarios, then that’s not a good investment of time.

There was another problem specifically with the phenomenon of exercise balls: Things started to turn into a circus show. We know how it goes, right? There is social media, and at some point some guy will start doing handstands, or a jump sequence, or a pistol squat, on a ball. There is always a cool trick to add, and the whole exercise ball training idea turned into some sort of acrobatics boot camp. It looked cool, but it was pointless.

And even worse, guess what – the whole circus number started to drive injuries, because big hockey guys were falling off exercise balls, twisting ankles, and breaking bones.

So then a few more renowned coaches started to move away from exercises balls, and I decided I was on the same page. There were better ways to train, and better ways to build core strength progressions. So that was it, I was officially out of the exercise ball camp for good. Never looked at them again.

The judgment that turned against meFast forward a few years later, a few years into my starting ballet. I come across a method called Progressing Ballet Technique, it looks really interesting from a movement pattern and neuroplasticity perspective, but I also see exercise balls, so I’m like “naah, thank you, Imma pass on this one”. In my head, I had decided I was done with exercise, so my judgmental self decided to ignore any method that used time. So it goes for several years (!).

Then, fast forward a few years again, to this summer. By now, I’m 44, tons of personal development work behind me, like, identifying my limiting beliefs, catching my subconscious judgments, noticing where I make assumptions without actually checking the evidence, just because they fit my worldview, and just because I think I know better anyway.

So I’m like “Well, maybe I can get over my rigid-judgmental self and get to know this PBT thing better, despite the exercise balls. Worst case is one day spent in a Zoom workshop, and I’d have some material for writing critical PBT Instagram posts.” (I was actually thinking that, that’s how bad and naturally judgmental I am.)

So I sign up for a PBT teacher certification workshop. (I do have an exercise ball at home, btw, and always have, mainly because my son likes them.) Workshop day arrives, I am all ready, equipment at hand. No expectations on my side, but also no bad feelings any more. In fact, I feel a deep curiosity, a happy anticipation to dedicate a whole day to learning, experimenting, embodying.

The joy of getting over yourselfTurns out the workshop would become one of my highlights this year. A complete jackpot, and I am still processing and integrating. I think that maybe for the first time, I found something that connects my background in S&C training, my intense study of the brain and neuroplasticity, my ambition around skill/movement development, my love for ballet, and my passion for supporting other late adult ballet starters in achieving way more than they thought they could achieve.

But back to the exercise balls, let me drive this super important point home.

I realized that the way PBT looks at exercises balls is different than what I knew from my S&C coaching times: Whereas back then, it was to make an exercise HARDER – PBT uses the balls to make exercises EASIER. “Easier” in a brain-activity-sense of: Balls are used to provide support and to make the awareness of the body’s center more clear. And THAT’s, to me, the magic of why working with the ball PBT-style made such a huge difference for me when I went back to my regular ballet class after the workshop. The ball, because of its round shape, immediately tells you when your weight placement is off, or when your turnout comes from a wrong place, or when your pelvis is lifted. So it makes you realize things that are usually much harder to notice otherwise. Plus it supports your body weight, so in a way you’re introducing a regression in order to learn better movement quality. Which, btw, is a principle in many other effective types of bodywork – Feldenkrais’ big thing for working on the floor was to remove gravity from the movement learning equation. Or the other way round, for the people in the back: You can’t learn a new movement pattern, or improve movement quality, while supporting your full body weight. It’s just too much to coordinate for the brain, and it will prioritize keeping you from falling at the expense of actually learning what you want to learn.

This was a huge lightbulb moment for me: You can use an exercise ball to make life easier and not harder. No circus. Placement, baby. Halleluja!

So anyway, why am I sharing this story? Well, first, because I think PBT has amazing potential to help adult ballet starters feel and learn faster what they need for their ballet progress. (And if you want to work with me – YAY!)

But more important, because this experience is such a prime example of how we can block ourselves from progressing and thriving in whatever we do – just because we hold on to experiences and judgments from the past. I had made up my mind on exercise balls – not realizing that the balls were not the problem. The problem was HOW they were used.

It’s also a good example of how making assumptions from afar can kill joy and progress. I assumed all kinds of things about PBT, without actually checking my assumptions. So most often, instead of making up your own stories and judgments about something, it makes way more sense to dive in and try it instead – at the risk of coming out disappointed. (Or confirmed in your negative judgments, which is also fine, right? At least material for critical Instagram posts hehe.) There is always a way to keep the investment reasonable – so go ahead and give it a fair shot. After that you can still criticize as much as you want – or realize that you have been wrong all along, and that you discovered something fun or amazing or inspiring. This kind of dipping your toes in and giving it a try will leave you much more liberated, better informed, and in stronger connection/appreciation of what’s going on in the world around you.

*Have you ever stood in your own way like that?

Anyway, if you do want to work with me – try it once, and then never again if you don’t like it! Book your lesson here. I can assure you that my approach to PBT will be infused with even more brain-enhancing principles and I combine it with Evelyn-Hart-inspired turnout work. Currently, I only offer online 1:1 lessons (or in person if you’re in Toronto), as over the past months, I have myself re-experienced the power and magic of focused, indivdualized 1:1 work. And even one session will give you enough input to work on on your own and feel a difference in your regular ballet class. Or, if you prefer to try PBT without my guidance (sniff) and at a lower investment, then you can get 50% off of your monthly PBT membership fee with my referral link! The PBT membership site gives you tons of instructional videos and workouts, and you can go entirely on your own pace and schedule. And no, I won’t be offended 😃 Happy to facilitate whatever works best for you! (Full disclosure: When you sign up through my referral link, I get CAD 10 off of my monthly PBT teacher membership.) Find my teacher profile in the PBT directory here.*

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How do we misfit purposefully? Picture by Unsplash/Tikkho Maciel @tikkho

One key quality of ballet is “fitting in”:
Shapes and movements are clearly defined; the idea of a uniform corps, specific body type, the etiquette, the ritualized classes, and a narrow “pretty&pink” aesthetics.

This “fitting in” is what kept ballet alive and unchanged when most of the world looks vastly different now than several hundreds years ago.

Which, on the very positive side, is why we still get to enjoy it!

On the flip side, we know it also created all kind of limitations, feelings of inadequacy, abuse, exclusion, training dogmas and injuries.

Here is where I think adult starters of ballet can be a real driver of change. And it’s why I was drawn to rename this blog to “Ballet Misfits”.

Because it’s not that we have to cancel and abolish ballet. There is value and movement wisdom in the history, the traditions, the century-old practice, and the very clear movement patters. There is undeniable beauty. There is a deep calm and simplicity that serves as such an important reminder against the noise and over-extension of this world. And after all, pink is a gorgeous color!

But as old starters, we have a chance to break with the dogmas, the tight boxes, and the uniform façade of ballet. Because we do not have to follow one particular syllabus, or one particular track through the institutions, nor work ourselves through the ranks.

We can CHOOSE and CREATE.

We can choose whom to work with, which resources we use to educate ourselves, we can create our own stages and productions, we can be the stewards of our own training. We can wear what we want, we can take as much time as we want for recovery, rest, injury prevention, and reading ballet research papers. We can introduce so many colors beyond pink. We are not in a rush to be “done”, we don’t have to accomplish anything by a certain age. We can play, question, challenge, and innovate. We can model how to set boundaries.

But: It’s hard. The desire to fit in is an ancient survival reflex. Complying with how everybody does it or wants us to do things has such a strong pull (as we can clearly see on social media).

The point is: “Misfitting” does not mean “ugly”, or “not being capable”, or “not progressing”, or “settling for less”. In fact, misfitting does not have inherent purpose in itself.

Misfitting simply means BEING FREE. It means giving yourself permission, space, and the tools that you need to advance as good and effective as possible, while staying true to yourself. It means actingbased on your individual situation, your specific body type, your own emotional make-up, and your artistic preferences. Misfitting allows you to figure out what works to make you the best possible dancer, even if “what works” is very different from what the person next to you needs or if it goes against common ballet rules. Misfitting appreciates showing up with your misfitting insights, share them with your community, so that we all can learn from you.

The ballet world needs more Misfit stories.

What’s yours?

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Not me, but mood. Pic by via https://unsplash.com/@fabecollage

The NarrativeWhen you’ve been around adult ballet for a while, and its social media communities, when you had conversations with other adult ballet students, you start noticing a common narrative. It’s like an unspoken bond between all those who dare to take the plunge into this complex art form at an advanced age.

I am not talking about the “it’s never too late” and “yes, you can overcome your limitations”, or technique-related themes.

I am talking about how starting ballet as an adult is being elevated to something larger than life: How ballet is not just a physical activity and an artistic way of self-expression, but instead it is EVERYTHING: It’s a meditation. It’s a calling. It’s the main unfulfilled childhood dream come true. It’s an identity. It changes who you are. It improves how confident you show up in life. It helps you deal with any kind of problem that you have out there. It makes you more courageous. It gives your life purpose. It heals this and that in your body. Every class is a lesson in a major existential life question. By stepping through the gate of our first ballet class ever - at an age where everyone else goes for a mundane run or to the generic gym - we enter sacred space that will leave no stone unturned in the depth of our psyche.

How I would know about all this? Well, I am a sucker for over-glorifying ballet :-D Yes, I was the one googling professional opportunities in the first year of starting ballet at age 37. I thought deeply and wrote about the calling to become a late and paid ballerina. I was into performing, started pointe work at 39, and I get to train in a pre-professional setting. I started a blog and business around adult ballet. I have taken a ballet class pretty much 5-6x/week for the past six years, pandemic times included, and still do. My life pretty much revolves around ballet and my child (often in that order). My friends comment how my posture now looks ballerina-like or how I don’t bend my knees when picking something up from the floor.

And that is all great. That’s why we love ballet, right? It is powerful and transformative and can do a lot for body and mind.

And yet, over the past year, while things didn’t change that much on the outside, something shifted for me internally. I guess it was a long time coming, then accelerated by the cathartic psychological effect that the pandemic had on so many of us.

The Problem of Over-Glorifying BalletBecause there was something about this glorification of adult ballet that started to bother, or quite frankly, bore me a bit. Maybe it was the fact that such an over-identification can bring about rigidity and one-sided thinking. That it can a source of self-imposed pressure, frustration and self-loathing when you don’t meet your own expectations. Or make you feel small, tense, and intimidated in class, instead of just letting it roll. And if I was really honest with myself, I did not want my life to revolve only around ballet. And in truth it didn’t. There are so many other beautful areas in my life that I honor and enjoy and don’t want to cut short. Also, with an equally honest look, ballet is great for the body but it is not a miracle cure. In fact, it is a very limited movement repertoire that can easily set you up for repetitive stress injuries if that’s the only thing you do. Ballet also carries a lot of traumatic and exploitive history that can still show up in how it is taught and how people - especially women and minorities - are treated, and it takes a lot of awareness to notice in what subtle ways it can show up and to set healthy boundaries. And while I really enjoyed performing, I am also a quite happy person without it.

How I snapped out of itAnd then earlier this year, I had two interesting experiences that set my internal shift in motion.

I was training on a pretty intense schedule, usually 3-4 hours per day. At the same time, I wasn’t doing so well. I had a new episode of SI joint issues - nothing too crippling nor painful, but very annoying. The most annoying part of it was that my musculature around one hip would tense up so much that my turnout was partially blocked, so I felt I wasn’t really getting anywhere. My ballet motivation was very volatile - to the point that I was questioning the point of all that work. On a different level, I was struggling with abdominal issues - my digestion was off, I felt bloated, things that I never experienced to this extent, and that made me struggle to feel at home in my body.

Out of the blue, during that time, I got the opportunity to work with a new teacher. It was a bit of a coincidence - the person had known me for a while, watched me work for the past years, and kind of suggested “let’s work on some key foundations in order to help you fix a few things”. I’m like “what? ok sure!”. I didn’t know at all what to expect, but we agreed to try for a couple of months. I cut some of my other classes because I wanted to really focus on the foundational work, and that dramatically lowered my overall training volume. The teacher also suggested that I don’t do any pointe work for a while so that the new movement patterns could kick in.

So when I say “foundational”, it turned out it would be “the mother of all foundational” lol. We ended up spending most of the 1:1 time working in parallel and on transitioning from parallel to turnout. I have never spent so much time on such small things, and I’m saying that as someone who constantly works on small things haha. VERY slow work, and 100% precision. No getting away with anything, and a deep getting-to-know of my hip joints.

At the same time, I made some substantial changes to my eating. I touched on it briefly in my previous article and will share more soon. Suffice to say, the changes were quite outside of my comfort zone and made me realize where I usually choose food comfort over allowing myself to feel the naked, hard truth.

These training and eating changes led to something that was quite remarkable.

Even though we had to cut our work short because my new teacher had to step out for a while, going back to working in parallel, no-pointe, and generally less training was like a deep inhale-exhale for my whole body. It wasn’t so much that I got more rest - it was just incredibly satisfying to work at the very root of all ballet movement. It was an impressive example for how working at the right things can save you hours and months of working on a million of things. Sometimes we would barely work for an hour and I felt like I needed to sleep for two days. My SI joint issues started to heal, and I was able to access my full turnout again.

And my dietary changes surprised the hack out of me. I had always considered myself a healthy eater, no weight problems, haven’t had the slightest cold in several years, and so I thought that my significant changes might be a bit over the top. Or unrealistic. But it turned out that I had hit the nail on the head. Eliminating several food groups and intermittent fasting was not only possible, but another breath of fresh air for my body. It was like a big injection of simplicity into my life. A more intimate connection with nature and my body’s instincts. You mean I can be happy, nourished and satsified without grains, fruits, sugar, a number of vegetables, or breakfast? Ok I’ll take it.

Takeaway for a “Healthy glorification” of Adult balletSo these experiences helped me feel at home in my body again, with a deeper understanding and better self-connection than before. I felt less trapped, and more room to wiggle when it comes to ballet. Here are my takeaways for a healthy-glorification of adult ballet:

1) I realized that I currently don’t have much desire to perform or “do something” with my ballet - but I want and need quality ballet training in my life, every day. I don’t want to “just take class” - I still have aspirations to get better. Which means that I need to do ballet work outside of a traditional class format - that could be stretching/releasing/mobilizing before and after class, but also movement re-patterning work.

2) I am not losing sleep over a bad ballet day or over not getting something right in class. Ballet is simply not that much of a dealbreaker for me. The things that I prefer to lose sleep over are related to relationships, my business, finances, my son (and I am working on retiring even these areas as a source for sleeplessness haha).

3) Self-discovery, personal growth, and transformation are not limited to ballet. In fact, the other day, I read some website copy from a weightlifting program that talked about the purpose of weightlifting to be self-discovery. I’ve done enough different sports in my life to know that I have always felt this deep connection to each one of them. People resonate with different things in different phases of their lives, and spiritual experiences are possible around any kind of physical activity if done with depth and commitment. But for me, ballet is an excellent vehicle for that right now though; I still think that ballet saved my life, and it can save others’ lives, too. But it’s also ok to have your life saved by something else, for example when you are recovering from an injury, can’t make enough class time for a while, or are just tired of it.

4) I don’t get stressed out when I don’t hit my daily ballet training volume target. On the contrary. Especially in phases in which I focus on technique/movement re-patterning, shorter sessions are way more effective. And sometimes I skip class because it feels better to catch up with my to do list for a full day. Of course you have to put in a lot of work if you want to get better at something, but ballet training culture generally overestimates the need for high-volume training and rehearsals for high-level performance. There is evidence that the high prevalence of injuries among dancers is due to the year-round-always-on training schedule. (I am working on actually not needing a reason to skip class - one step at a time :-D)

5) I still think that adults starters to ballet can reach the sky, and that there is no limit to what one can achieve. But for me, I know I am not willing to put in what would be required for certain goals and I am also careful with putting up with a (to a large extent) unscientifc and sometimes problematic training/teaching culture. Meaning: I don’t want to join a conservatory or similar programs that require a full-on commitment; I never felt the desire to spend ALL DAY in a studio, seeing only teachers and other dancers all the time. I am not so much concerned any more with how far I can get, how good I can become, or if/when I will be performing again, as long as I do my daily ballet work and work towards better and better movement quality.

6) Ballet is an excellent way of learning clean movement patterns and building a base for other dance forms, for other physical activities, and for a healthy and graceful daily life. It’s worth investing a lot of time into that. At the same time, it is important to keep in mind that ballet is a limited movement repertoire and to add more movement variety (and outdoor time) outside the many hours spent in a studio. For me that’s definitely the wheelchair hikes I do with my son in nature because they include walking (a highly important and healing activity for humans!), require strength and good coordination in rough terrain. There are many other ways to add movement variety - it’s just important to actually do it.

7) Lifelong working on the “root” of movement is crucial and a must. By that I mean working on foundational movement patterns. Usually these are slow and small-amplitude movements done with high attention and awareness, with the goal of feeling the correct pathway of movements through joints and wiring your brain into the correct movement configuration. Examples are the type of activation work in my Turn On Your Turnout mini course, or Feldenkrais work, some forms of floor barre, or even barre work done in a certain way. The hallmark of this type of work is that you do it on your own speed and your own number of repetitions in order to avoid fatigue. This type of high-quality movement work not only improves technique and movement quality, but it will take your body through aging more gracefully - as I clearly see in the impressive teachers 1.5x my age around me.

8) I am most at home in myself when I move a lot. That doesn’t mean high-intensity stuff - more like 2-4 hours per day spent in intermittent, low-to-moderate intensity activities. Ballet, walking, cleaning, clubbing, biking, carrying groceries, at-home workouts, sprinting to catch a bus….there is just no way I can feel great, healthy, and happy without a substantial part of my day moving around. (Btw, this amount and intensity of moving seems to be in-line with how our ancestors lived, i.e. it is strongly connected to how the human body evolved and therefore what it needs in order to thrive.)

9) You can’t seperate your ballet development from the rest of your life. The way you sleep, what you do throughout the day, your emotional state and the quality of your self-talk, and very much how and what you eat have a tremendous impact on your ability to learn ballet and have consistent energy for it. There are several things that have to come together to really give you that feeling of “home” in your body. One way I have incorporated this realization into my work is the transition from “Late to the Party Ballet” to “Balletic Strength” - i.e. morphing this blog from adult-ballet-stuff-only to topics related to eating and daily habits.

Letting go of Idolizing ballet allows for better progressIn essence: Breakting with over-glorifying adult ballet does not mean I have to quit or do it low key. I am not planning to do less of it. In fact, if anything came out of all this, then it’s that ballet is a hugely important building block of my life. I will keep doing it as much as before and my aspirations are still high. But I believe that I have started developing a better, less rigid, less absolute relationship with ballet now. I am taking it more as what it is in the grand scheme of things - an excellent way of developing my body and my movement skills, a way of daily grounding in my body, and a way of playing with self-expression. I worry less about expectations and achievements, which ironically allows for better progress while being way more happy with myself. Giving ballet its rightful place in my life feels liberating and empowering. It also leaves room for changes - there can be phases of more and less training volume and intensity and ambitions; I know I want to return to pointe work soon and my appetite for performing might also come back once things open up after the pandemic.

While this non-glorification might not be so great for highly inspirational adult ballet Instagram posts, I am sure it will still be a rich source for interesting thoughts and conversations!

What about you? Where are you on the spectrum of Not-caring to Idolizing adult ballet? Feel free to share your thoughts!

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Letting go of sugar gave rise to some super interesting discoveries, like yacon syrup: A natural sweetener that does not behave like a sweetener at all. Also note: No devil on the other shoulder :) Once you reset your gut and your taste buds, sugar cravings naturally disappear, without any discipline or “trying hard”.

So….this blog is starting out to expand a bit! After a few years of strictly adult ballet technique and mindset topics, “Late-to-the-Party Ballet” is transforming into “Balletic Strength”. The Balletic Strength blog is a reflection of the fact that adult ballet progress is by far not made in the studio alone, and certainly not from mindless repetitions of ever more specialized exercises. The athletic and artistic skill is a result of a holistic approach to physical health, unobstructed movement abilities, consistent daily energy, a thriving mind, a soulful connection with your Self, and a well-performing brain. Training in the studio, in class, at home, in the gym will still be an important part, but will be complemented by fascinating knowledge about eating and other everyday habits that influence human physiology and psychology. Balletic Strength also recognizes that not everybody wants or needs to start ballet but still may want to benefit and thrive on principles inspired by balletic training and movement patterns. I hope you will enjoy the new scope of this adult life adventure!

Today will kick of a new category of articles where it is my goal to demystify the conflicting and overwhelming information about eating, weight loss (or gain), health conditions that can be tackled with food, and the crucial difference between “dieting” and “restoring nutritious eating for the rest of your life” (often refered to as “lifestyle change”). I hope you’ll find it as mind-blowing and fascinating as I do and will savor your experiences!

-Patricia, Founder of Balletic Strength

I considered myself a healthy eater, pretty much all my life. I mean, yes, there were some guilty pleasures, even though I didn’t feel that guilty about them: Sweet treats.

I’ve had a sweet tooth all my life. I remember as a child, my parents restricted sweets at home, so I would secretely buy candy and eat them when I was alone at home. (Note to parents: If you think you can control how much candy your child eats, forget it. But giving up and letting them fall prey to candy, cheerios, and Nutella doesn’t have to be the only other option. There is a way to slowly build healthy cravings in kids, with a wholesome eating approach that makes sugar less interesting over time.)

It’s not that I was binging. I was very well capable of eating some and then stop, especially the older I got. So on the outside, it looked like a quite normal sweets-eating habit that was balanced out by lots of other healthy eating habits.

But still, there was something about sweet treats that made me want them. It was a very subtle kind of addiction. That kind of addiction where you don’t feel a sharp pain when not having your stuff, it’s more that you need certain soothing comforters during the day. They help keep your mood up and let you get through a day - because you have this little thing(s) to look forward to. The coffee break with a delicious cookie. The desert after dinner. The banana in the morning.

And that kind of “controlled consumption” is widely acknowledged and accepted. Today’s lifestyle culture has this “give yourself a break”-type of reassurance and celebrates these cute little “harmless” enjoyments as an antidote to our hard work and all the fires we’re putting out every day. The messages are: “It’s ok to reward yourself.” “It won’t hurt you”. “It’s soulfood”.

But there was something about these innocent habits that always bugged me a bit. Mostly, I guess it was the fact that if they were really that innocent and small and acceptable, why was it so hard to go through the day or a few days without them? And I guess it was this reliance or even dependence on the comfort and gratification of sweets that felt like a trap: I t felt odd that foods that my body did not need at all, that were technically hurting it, would have such a grip on me. Especially since the downside of eating them (negative health effects) was so much higher than the upside (short-term gratification).

There was also something else about that dependence that started subtly nagging at me. Eating sweets had a slightly numbing effect on me. Like a bandaid, eating sugar gave me little reliefs here and there, got me through the day with little things to look forward to, when maybe, I should have felt the discomfort of emptiness and all the questions around the purpose of my life. Were all the things I was busy with every day actually making me happy? Getting me to where I wanted to go? Where did I want to go? Was I contributing to this world in a way that tapped into my strengths and desires? Who needs to worry about all these questions when you can have a piece of delicious cake.

I was never too obsessed with food in general, I didn’t glorify the food culture and in fact have always been a quite simple and at-home cook/eater. I had done some changes to my diet before, though - the first big one was after a severe pneumonia and aggressive doses of antibiotics several years ago, when a naturopath doctor educated me about gut health and the connection to immune strength for the first time. The second big change came roughly two years ago when I read a bok about lectin-free eating, the Plant Paradox. I never had any interest in following diets or eating protocols and eliminate foods, but something about this book struck a deep chord for the first time in my life. I originally discovered it in the context of my interest in brain development and neuroplasticity, and I was deeply intrigued by the intimate connection of eating, immune system, and brain health.

Back then, I was not ready to follow the Plant Paradox in its totality. It is not only a lectin-free (lectins are plant proteins found in most grains, nightshades, legumes, and certain fruits) protocol, but a largely dairy-free (goat/sheep cheeses/yogurts are ok, and to some extend A2 milk for baking and cooking), and sugar-free (yes, that includes fructose in fruits, except in small amounts in season)) as well, plus a general avoidance of toxins in foods, water, and cosmetics. The underlying theory/model made intuitive sense to me. But it felt too overwhelming and stressful to implement it 100%. So I went about 70-80%, and was deeply impressed by the results.

Then, towards the end of last year, I started having abdominal symptoms. Digestive issues together with muscle tightness around the waist and hip, and at some point severe UTIs (where the first was quickly followed by a second). It wasn’t debilitating, there was no pain; I was still able to go about my day, train ballet, and function normally in all respects. But I didn’t feel like myself. The discomfort felt alienating from my body, it was as if I wasn’t at home in that vessel that had supported me faithfully and reliably all my life. Doctors couldn’t find anything. There was nothing wrong organically. It was one of those Covid-19/lockdown collateral damages I think - the stress of it all exposes our weak links and vulnerabilities, and invites us to question, learn, and explore.

And question I definitely had to: Because I actually felt I was doing everything “right” - I was eating well, moving well, meditating, spending time outside and in nature, connecting with friends, and in general living life with aspirations but also without excessive obsession. Of course not everything was perfect, and I had areas of conflict and confusion. But no one particular thing felt like it could be the main culprit of my physical issues.

So after a bit of consideration, I realized that from all the areas that I could explore and play with, eating was the most direct path to digestion, and from my previous experiences, also a powerful vehicle of self-discovery and transformation. I decided to give it a shot, and follow the Plant Paradox program 100%. This would mean eliminate A LOT of foods from my diet (bread, pasta, tomatoes, potatoes to name a few), and among them sugar and all the sweet treats.

What I liked about it though that for all the foods eliminated, there was a huge selection of foods to explore - a lot of them that I hadn’t used in my cooking so far, and that except for animal protein and resistant starches, I could eat as much as I wanted. So it’s important to note that I didn’t just set out to eliminate sugar - I changed my whole, daily food portfolio so to say. The rationale for it was to re-set the composition of my gut bacteria, get rid of inflammations, and change my metabolism - and because of that, change what my body would habitually crave.

The Plant Pardox protocol started with a 3-day cleanse, during which I ate almost no carbohydrates, very little protein, and instead lots of healthy fats and high-fibre vegetables. This short period is important, because it kickstarts the gut bacterial and metabolic changes. It wasn’t easy, but it was very powerful in reducing sugar cravings very early on. This first phase is usually followed by a 6-8 week phase of somewhat more liberty - still not too much animal protein, but re-introducing carbohydrates mainly in the form of resistant starches (like sweet potatoes, cassava roots etc), a few lectin-free grains (millet, sorghum, and teff), and very importantly, some wine is allowed.

So I said bye to any kind of sugar-containing treats, like my beloved baked goods and cakes, fruit yogurts, the usual chocolate, my banana-quinoa mix for breakfast, and the occasional ice cream. I told myself that Ithis would be temporary, but already this thought showed me how much anxiety I had around giving up sugar and how casually addictive it was.

As expected, the first days and few weeks were not easy - but also not as hard as I expected. That inital time really drove home for me how much of that sugar-eating habit was mental, and not a physical necessity at all. But as we know, mental is super tricky, because you can tell yourself so many good sugar-justifying stories: Maybe it’s not THAT important to give up sugar? Maybe it’s taking healthy eating too far and not really worth the discomfort and effort? Am I maybe trying to be too perfect, too hard on myself? We all know these stories.

So how did I wean myself off the sweet stuff on a very practical level?

My initial strategy consisted of replacing treats with new treats that were compliant with the new way of eating. Of course I couldn’t buy these things anywhere (although here and there some bakeries carrying keto-compliant goods were an option). But because I have never been much into baking, I decided that now was finally the time to catch up on that gap.

The Plant Paradox protocol does allow for certain sweeteners (like monkfruit, erythritol, stevia, yacon, xylitol) and there are a lot of non-grain flours, plus millet, sorghum, and teff flowers (those are lectin-free). So I started playing with baking, and discovered a whole new world of tastes, consistencies, and post-treat feelings in my body. These new, much higher quality treats felt completely different in my digestive system, and they induced less of a reward sensation but instead of a more whole-body-mind satisfaction and nourishment. In order to not spend excessive time in the kitchen, I would often double a recipe and freeze/store the leftovers for the following days.

The Plant Paradox also allows for dark chocolate, at least 72%, in reasonable amounts. I have never been a huge dark chocolate fan (I was always more the opposite, like a white-chocolate person), but within a no-sugar eating approach, the taste of dark chocolate was completely reset. I now actually prefer at least 85%, lightly sweetened or almost not, depending what I can get. It’s not an everyday kind of thing for me, but I enjoy it whenever I feel like it.

While all this required some effort on my side (learning to bake, eliminating the old treats, deliberately opening up to new tastes), there is a huge element of self-perpetuation in the Plant Paradox eating approach: The change of cravings. This is such an important point, and it is probably the biggest reason why people defer eating better or fall off the bandwagon early on: We think that we can’t possibly maintain the discipline of saying no to certain foods and we are afraid of the feeling of deprivation. But the truth is, once you start eating in a way that restores a healthy bacterial balance in the gut and give yourself a bit of time for your endocrine system and brain to catch up with the changes, your cravings completely change. It’s something that we have a hard time imagining - that we can actually get to a state where we don’t crave ice cream, or potato chips anymore and it’s no big effort to say no.

And last, I gave myself a bit of leeway: A bagel once, half of a plain donut a few times, and I sprinkled some compliant baked goods with a bit of mapley syrup here and there. Sometimes it was due to circumstances (being on the go somewhere and donuts were the only option), or in the case of maple syrup, I think that it’s such a treasure of my immediate environment/nature and a somewhat ancient food, so I think there can be a benefit if you keep it at low quantities. Same goes for example for raw honey (which is actually Plant Paradox compliant in small amounts). I think the important thing is to do these exceptions with an honest mindfulness - you need a good sense of how much is enough.

I am now about 10 weeks into my super-close-to-100% Plant Paradox and sugar-free life, and my symptoms have almost completely disappeared. In fact, eliminating foods has allowed me to figure out how my body responds to specific foods. The whole approach feels so good that I have no intention to make any changes for now. I still enjoy the taste of “sweet”. But it’s not running my day or my eating choices. I am using less and less sweeteners, I bake more bread-like goods and less sweet treats these days. I even stopped using cream in my coffee, which was a MUST for me ever since I started drinking coffee like 30 years ago. I wasn’t actively trying to eliminate it - it was more that I started caring for it less and less. Once you stop eating sugar, you realize how sweet cream and milk actually taste and it starts distracting you from the coffee :)

So let’s loop back to the beginning….and all the subtle stories and excuses around sugar.

I think the challenge is that in certain “enlightened” or body-advocating circles there is a certain resistance against conscious eating choices. I see people referring to eliminating foods as “disordered eating”. Claiming that “following rules” when it comes to eating is wrong and unnatural, and that you should instead just enjoy life. This can be quite confusing and discouraging to people who feel that something is off with their sugar consumption, but then think that it would be “bad” to give it up.

But I’d argue that our “normal” eating behavior is disordered in many ways. One of them: The amount of sugar we consume not just in sweet treats, candy etc but everyday products like sausages, sauces, bread, and beverages has increased tremendously over the past decades, and with it our sensation of “sweet” has desensitized. Our thresholds for we perceive as sweet has increased - meaning we need more sugar in order to perceive “sweet”. Our metabolism has adapted to large amounts of sugars. What we consider as “not a lot” - actually is. The addiction is real.

The challenge is that there is a paradox: The idea of giving up sugar seems like imprisonment - it may feel as if we would limit our choices and would need to say “no” when we actually feel like “yes”. The paradox is that it’s actually the consuming of sugar that is the prison - because we can’t go without. The real freedom lies in letting go of it - so that it doesn’t run the show. Once you settle into it, living without treats is easy, because the cravings disappear. It’s important to keep in mind, though, that an isolated elimination of sugar will not be sustainable - for cravings to change, the body has to undergo an wholesome overhaul of eating habits.

The huge reward is that there is way more to that freedom. It’s a completely new world of taste, nuances, and more consistent energy. It’s the ability to go about your day without obsessing about “treats”, but instead finding “sweetness” in your everyday life, your work, in human connections. Sometimes that sweetness means to take the time to pause, and feel, and sit with whatever is there, even if it’s emptiness, or an intense desire for things to be different and more engaging. When you can hang in there in these moments - life becomes incredibly sweet.

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Please note: This article has sparked quite the discussion on my Instagram. In order to address the most common concerns and questions, I have added a section below for clarification!

I can kind of smell that this piece will be misunderstood and judged by those who want to. But it’s been sitting with me for a while, and it’s time to put it out there:

The Body Positivity movement might have taken a toll.

Body positivity started with good intent - to diversify the idea of the “right” body type. Applied to ballet, for example, it meant letting go of the idea that the petit, underweight, and long-limbed/long-neck body was the ideal ballet body. It meant becoming accepting of different shapes, heights, BMIs, and proportions.

But I’m finding that body positivity has come to be, more recently: A way of glorifying the overweight body. A politically accepted way of negating the benefits of leanness and health. And I think it’s harming us more than it would help.

Now, almost anyone reading this blog article has the right and freedom to choose what body they want to live in (I know that’s not the case for everyone in the world, and I also acknowledge any health conditions that make it impossible). Whether that’s an overweight, or underweight, or lean or healthy or not so healthy body. And I have no issue with that. What I have an issue with is when we celebrate a body that is not in shape to perform well in a high-impact activity as ballet (=the too heavy body), just because it is the opposite of another unhealthy body type (=the under-nourished body).

We have been brainwashed to believe that (extra) bodyweight doesn’t matter as long as the body is healthy. So it warrants clarification: A chronically overweight body is not healthy. The body’s ability to put on weight is a survival mechanism that got our ancestors through periods of severe food scarcity. The main point: That extra weight would drop as fast as it came on. If it doesn’t, it triggers a chain reaction of either immediate or long-term risks that we know enough about nowadays (you can find a comprehensive review study here).

The fact that obesity and overweight are so pandemic in today’s Western world is mainly related to over-availability of food and the types of food that are so abundant, in combination with emotional attachment to eating. Most of us don’t experience any seasons (= cycles of more and less food) any more. The brain is hardwired to eat whenever there is food around, even if that means eating too much. And because of the hormonal reactions to food intake, we get used/addicted/comforted by it.

But back to body positivity. Because it’s so hard to break out of eating too much, especially when it is coupled with emotional attachment, and the overwhelm of all the nutritional information out there - at some point we collectively used body positivity to say: Let’s not make it too hard on ourselves. It’s ok. You’re great. Don’t worry, you can do all the things, no matter how much you weigh, and no matter whether that extra weight is good for you or not.

And then if went further. It become politically incorrect to acknowledge or compliment a lean and fit body - because that could imply promoting weird eating or tranining behaviors.

Another aspect of this is that getting and maintaining a lean and gorgeous body became stigmatized in certain demographics - i.e. it would be assumed that the person cared too much about appearance, and not enough about more important things. The “enlightened”, educated, and correctly-minded person shouldn’t care about any extra pounds - they should be worrying about their inner qualities and focus on all the more important things in their life, right?

And all that perpetuates the idea that living in an overweight body is admirable and not a problem at all: The flip side of body positivity is a “letting-of-the-hook” masked as “compassion”.

Here are some fact and thoughts, in no particular order:

• Overweight is detrimental to high performance in any physical activity because, in summary, it increases the load on joints etc and it decreases movement efficiency. That’s why athletes look the way they look (and increased BMI is a risk factor for lower limb injuries).
• (Btw, overweight is one of the risk factors for severe courses of Covid-19 and other respiratory illnesses. And for cardiovascular disease.)
• Overweight impacts your ability to sense small differences in movement amplitudes, i.e. controlling the finesse and differentiation of movement. So it makes it harder to develop movement quality. Also, overweight makes certain types of body work less effective, because it’s harder to manually access deeper tissue layers.
• You can get used to overweight - but from my experience, for most people, it doesn’t feel great. I have yet to meet one person who has lost their extra pounds complaining that they want them back. Every single such person I have ever met reports a heightened vitality, self-satisfaction, ease, and sense of self-efficacy in their lives.
• Having a fit and gorgeous body does not make you happy. It will not resolve all the crap that life throws your way. It’s not going to get you the man of your dream or tons of money in your job. It is simply a way of using your energy in a much better way and of having way more fun with way more ease.
• People who have lived in an overweight body for a long time usually have built some sort of identity and defense mechanisms around it: It could be the “empowered body positivity rebel” that stands up against the dictate of the lean body, getting attention and admiration for their advocacy work. It could be the successful business person who is so busy saving the world that they just can’t sweat the small things, and then the extra weight becomes sort of the indicator for their success (the busier and more succesful, the more weight). Related is the aphysical intellectual or spiritualist who downplays the importance (or even existence) of the body. Or the “self-accepting” person who justifies overweight as a natural result of aging or personality type or genetics and finds virtue in making half-joking (but really self-deprecating) comments about it. Often in combination with judgmental views about people who put in the effort to change their ways (and looks). Identity is a source of safety - that’s why losing weight can feel threatening and trigger resistence.
• Extra weight is also an excellent hiding place and protective layer - especially women can feel safer behind extra pounds. They might feel less prone to being objectified or sexually assaulted; and they may use it as an excuse to not show up and not shine and not be vulnerable.
• There is a lot of confusing weight loss information out there, which often lets people throw up their hands in despair and say “whatever”. Or people who have tried many different things with no lasting success and then think that there is no way for them to lose weight. Based on my experience with it, so many approaches in fact don’t work sustainably and it’s not easy to recognize why. There are a few ways that work, and all of them share very similar principles, and then it’s just about fine-tuning to make them work for you. Every human being is able to lose weight and keep it off - it’s as natural as breathing when you restore naturalness to your eating.
• There is an interesting disdain for “rules” and “diets” in the world of body positivity: That you shouldn’t follow anyone’s rules, that you should just eat what you want, when you want, and how much you want. That you should listen to your body’s intuition. Well, that’s kind of like saying “don’t follow any training programs or exercises, and just move like your body wants to move”. Sure that’s totally fine, but you probably won’t develop very much. You could even hurt yourself. Or you just won’t move at all :-) If you want to change the weight and health of your body, you will need some sort of guidance and you will need a concept and a plan. Most of us, even those who eat fairly healthy, have a screwed-up eating intuition due to imbalances in the gut flora (which is what is responsible for your cravings). So we need to re-store our intuition (“gut sense”) before we can eat in a more intuitive way.
• Effective and holistic eating and weight-loss frameworks are highly compassionate, despite their structured nature. They’re a path of re-connecting with yourself, of growing as a human being, and of re-discovering the essence of mother nature’s gifts. They’re not something temporary you put on like the latest fashion trend. They’re something that you evolve into and that becomes a permanent shift in your way of doing and being (and eating). They’re vehicles to freeing yourself of attachments, pressures, and obsessions. They acknowledge that eating is secondary - love is first.
• But still - losing weight, especially when you had it for a long time, is not a piece of cake (:-)) Anyone who tells you that they have this super easy diet to help you lose weight is probably sugarcoating (:-)) things. It can be super hard when you break with your overweight identity. It will take you out of your comfort zone when you re-learn and re-purpose your relationship with food.

So why does a person like me, who has been mainly normal- to lean-bodied almost all her life, with only temporary slight overweight phases, feel entitiled to write all this?

• Because I deeply care about the original intent of the body positivity movement - to celebrate diversity and challenge a one-dimentional body ideal that simply is a lie.
• Because it pains me when this intent is misunderstood and the enormous potential for growth, self-discovery, and ease is lost - which happens when that diversity is reduced to idolizing overweight bodies, and negating or even villifying the grace of physical transformation to a lean and healthy body.
• Because eating and a healthy body weight is about more than just appearance and looking toned. Nutrition is an incredibly powerful healing agent. Many of us, even those with a healthy weight, have experienced some sort of conditions that can be addressed by eating: Digestive disorders, autoimmune conditions, inflammation, mood swings, neurological issues. How cool is it when we don’t have to constantly throw pharmaceuticals at that stuff? That’s something I am very passionate about and that I personally have just recently once again experienced around muscle inflammations and digestive issues.
• Because I think it’s important to really get down to what “being hard on ourselves” means. Putting good stuff into your body is NOT being hard on yourself. It’s highly compassionate. Overworking yourself is being hard on yourself. Not sleeping enough is being hard on yourself. Constantly self-doubting yourself is being hard on yourself. Thinking you’re not good enough for others is being hard on yourself. There are so many things we can ease up on - but to me, eating in a way that nourishes your body and soul is a good thing.
• Because I have seen how deeply liberating and energizing it can be for some people to plain simply lose weight. And I don’t want to see anyone discouraged or feel unsupported on the ground of unhelpful body positivity claims.
• Because I want to give hope and open up to the idea that it’s ok and absolutely possible to want to look good, lose weight, be healthy, gorgeous and graceful. No matter what age, no matter what circumstances. That is true body positivity to me: Being positive about where you are at any given point, being positive about what you have, and being positive about where you are going.

And if that’s still to be misunderstood - so be it.

EDIT: I would like to add to above points that there is a natural range and individual sweet spots for health + weight and athletic performance. I.e. healthy normal weight vs overweight means something different for every body. I appreciate that a commenter on IG pointed that out and prompted me to make it explicit.

EDIT 2: The links to some exemplary peer-reviewed studies (all meta-analyses) were added on April 12th 2021.

EDIT 3, on April 18th, 2021: Due to the high amount of comments, questions, and some confusion around this post, I would like to address the four most common ones in order to clarify the intention and message of this article. If any of yours remains unanswered, please feel free to either leave a comment below or email me at patricia@balletmisfits.dance!

Common question 1: Are you suggesting that being overweight equates to being unhealthy?

I can’t say anything about an individual person, but the evidence that we have nowadays pretty clearly suggest that being overweight (BMI 26+) or obese (BMI 30+) increases the risk of a lot of metabolic, cardiovascular, and respiratory issues. There is also evidence for a higher risk of injuries from exercising. (There are other risks from being underweight (BMI under 20)). As with all data, there is a chance that you and I and our friend over there will be fine. But to spread the message that everyone will be fine – there is just no support for that. Here is a timely analogy: Just because you and your friends did not get Covid, or had only mild symptoms, still makes Covid a very real risk to our whole population, and some people will have severe symptoms. You wouldn’t go around saying that Covid is not an issue or denying the number of ICU cases just because you don’t like lockdowns.

Common question 2: Aren’t you judging other people and saying that overweight people should lose weight?

Not at all, quite the contrary. I’m saying that everyone is totally free to be in the body they want and are happy with. No judgment, this one goes to everyone’s own, individual, and personal preference. In fact, personally, I am highly non-ideologic about it – it’s not a fat vs. skinny deal for me, I don’t even use the terms. You do you. As a strength & conditioning coach, I am pointing out the risks and inefficiencies that come with certain choices.

Common question 3: Ok, but are you saying that overweight people should not exercise or do ballet because they are not in shape for it?
Again, no, I am not saying that and if it came across like that, I apologize. I am encouraging everyone to exercise and do ballet, every body is beautiful the way it is. As a mother of a handicapped child, I live with someone who adores moving and working out and exercising while being in an atypical body and I am delighted by and totally supportive of it. I am going to give another analogy here: If you were a marathon runner and your coach would point out that your heavy smoking impairs your development, you wouldn’t get offended. It wouldn’t be about smoking/non-smoking ideology. You would either quit smoking in order to improve your performance, or you would decide that smoking is too enjoyable/important to you and that you rather accept a somewhat lower performance and possible long-term health issues. So you can choose to move and exercise with any weight you want. Carrying overweight will have an effect on certain performance parameters and it will statistically increase your risk for injuries.

Common question 4: What about the discrimination and biases against overweight and obese people?

Those for sure exist and we definitely need advocacy in that area - again, as a mother of a disabled child I have seen my fair share of exclusion. My point in this article was that we shouldn’t advocate by saying that weight doesn’t matter for performance and health outcomes. That claim is just not supported by data. I believe that accepting everyone where they are and the choices they make as well as including them can co-exist with proper knowledge about the impact of overweight on physical performance, wellbeing, and long-term health. Body positivity advocacy should not discourage people from a path and/or physical transformation that would have a lot of benefits for them. Vilifying weight loss misses the point. Body positivity to me should be about giving people access to options and the freedom to pursue them, and not about insisting on a fixed identity and ideology (and ignoring scientific evidence).

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Half living room, half ballet studio - this could be your future, too!

This is not another “How to set-up your home ballet space” or “what to get” article. I mean, actually it is, but that’s only one part of it.

More importantly, this article is about how dedicating part of your living space to ballet will make your home a better home and your life a better life. How it is a reflection of your deeper commitment to ballet. How it may also create friction and how it takes guts. And, last, how to tackle challenging house/apartment layouts (small space, low ceilings, not enough light) and turn them into great ballet learning environments - including product suggestions to start your research.

But before we dive into all of that, let’s take a step back and take a look at what brought us here in the first place.

Before this pandemic, most of you you were probably never considering to do much ballet training at home, even less so taking full classes. But now, this has taken a 180. Currently, doing ballet from home is a normal for most parts of the world. Not to everybody’s delight, and some have also chosen to take a step back until full return to the studio is possible.

I think the problem with the whole home ballet frustration is that it is often seen as “less good” than being in the studio. Less space, less atmosphere. And, for many, finding space to train at home competes with many other home space requirements and it’s all a bit makeshift and challenging to set up and maintain. Plus, shoebox situations in many urban areas ;-)

So in the following paragraphs, I will take you through a mindset shift. My goal with this article is that in the end, you will see your home as a unique ballet training space that can offers something BEYOND what a studio can offer. So instead of comparing your home training experience with your class experience in a studio, you will discover that both spaces are complimentary. And you will hopefully walk away with a thought process and ideas for how to turn your too small/too dark/too odd-shaped space into a ballet training environment that you love and that will make you want to train there.

Home ballet is not studio ballet (and it doesn’t have to be)So this is an important first step: To really start thinking what kind of training you want and what will be possible in your home. I think in the beginning of the pandemic, many people were trying to replicate a studio experience at home - and that fell short, of course. I mean, yes, depending on your space you might be able to almost do a full class in your home, but most often, that is not really possible. So it’s good to start with an honest assessement:

• How much space in my home am I able to give to my ballet training?
• What kind of floor do I have?
• Are there any limitations regarding ceiling heights or obstacles (furniture, light fixtures)?

These three question will mainly determine what you can do and what you should maybe better not attempt in your home ballet studio. For example, if you have concrete floors, you might want to make it a hard No for jumps. If you have just a tiny space, you probably should not expect to work on diagonals. I think it’s really important to get honest here: Instead of being frustrated about how you can’t properly do this and that - think about what you can do well in your space and focus on that. Maybe you have enough space to just do a good barre without any high legs (because there is too much around you). Maybe your situation won’t allow for any pirouette training safely, but you can practice lots of releves and passes and add a good amount of floor work. Your home can become the place in which you work on all the things that you never have time for when you take classes in a studio. This assessment then can help you to choose what kind of online classes/workshops/coachings you wil attend: Maybe it means only private coachings, or barre-only classes - instead of jumping on a famous company’s class and crash into your TV stand.

Home ballet is here to stay.PSA: Doing ballet at home may have been triggered by Covid, but my prediction is that it will outlive Covid for good. There are so many benefits to training ballet at home that it would be foolish to give it up, even when we return to the studio forever. Here is what I mean:

• It’s highly accesible. Remember the times when you skipped class just because you couldn’t get there in time? Like, because you got off work too late, you got stuck in a traffic jam, you didn’t have the time for a full class AND getting there and back, or you were simply too exhausted for the commute to the studio. With home ballet, it’s right there.
• You can design your home ballet space any way you want to make it suit your needs and preferences.
• You can use your own shower! :-)
• You can work with any teacher you like. This is for me one of the biggest things: You are not limited to teachers in your proximity any more. Even when you have amazing teachers in your regular studio - now, you can connect to teachers with very unique profiles and teaching strengths no matter where in the world they are! This way, you are really taking charge of your own learning process and can support it with what you need in any given moment of your development.
• You save money on renting studio space. I still think that taking privates - whether occasionally, or for certain periods of time - is one of the best ways to accelerate your ballet learning. But, you also know that taking private usually entails renting a studio - whether or not that’s included in your teacher’s fee. So working at home, either through Zoom or by having a teacher come over to your house outside of lockdowns, gives you a chance to afford more classes!

Make it permanent, even if you have to throw out the couch.This might be the most controversial part of this article, but I am a strong believer in dedicating a part of your home PERMANENTLY to becoming your home ballet studio. Meaning, whatever was there before will be removed once and for all. You might say ‘But Patricia, I live in a studio apartment and then I would have to throw out my furniture!’ And I say - ‘Fine, do it!’ Or you might have to sit down with your family and explain to them that the TV has to go, upon which they might not talk to you for months. (Can be a good thing sometimes!) But I believe that there is an incredibly underrated (or even unknown to most) benefit in shifting from a purely SEDENTARY home to a MOVEMENT-friendly home. By that I mean: Usually, our homes are designed around sitting, lying and standing: We sit on our chairs for office work and eating; we sit on the couch for talking, reading, and socializing; we lie down in a bed; we stand or sit in the kitchen when preparing food; we stand at the bathroom sink; we sit in the tub (or stand in the shower). It’s all good, except all these static positions contribute to making us sick, hunched over, and unhappy, and who wants that in the long run? So what if instead, part of your home was designed to invite you to MOVE? You would probably move more, because there wouldn’t be that transition to another space outside of your home that’s usually necessary when you want to be active (like going to the gym, to the studio, out for a run or walk etc.). That transition is often what keeps people from moving more, and creates this artificial seperation between long times of sitting/standing/lying and the short times of actually moving. And moving A LOT, interdespersed throughout the day, is what the human body needs and what will keep it healthy and sexy until the end.

And this is why I also believe that setting up your ballet training space and leaving it there, even if it completely changes the look of your living room/bed room/kitchen or whatever, is so crucial. Because it makes a huge difference whether you have to set up everything whenever you want to train (getting the barre out, putting your floor up, moving mirrors etc), or whether it’s just standing there ready whenever you are. But also, and this is more important than we might think: It also shows to you and the world that you have stepped it up. That you are serious about your training goals and about wanting to become and well-trained dancer and you have created a professional physical space for it. Well hello!

Btw, there are really people who have thrown out their couches and most other furniture (even beds!) and have replaced it with floor-sitting and movement-friendly home/work equipment. If you are more interested in this, I recommend checking out Katy Bowman’s work and her article on this.

Btw 2, before any of you interior designers scream at the thought, a home with a permanent training space can actually look really nice - mostly because it creates some empty space, it involves large mirrors, and thus makes rooms actually look bigger and more airy. We will get more into that in the following sections. And for you semi-minimalists out there, this is a chance to have less stuff standing around!

Transition from living room with office space to living room with movement space in one of my previous spaces (in Munich). This was before I got my ballet barre and was originally set up for my pole dance endeavours. Pole dance was just a brief phase for me, but i actually left the pole up until I moved out because it is a great piece of equipment for strength training! Not pictured: Two large mirrors on the right side, leaning against the wall (just outside of the picture frame).

How to design your most amazing home ballet studioSo now that we got the assessment and benefits out of the way and established the will to make it permanent, here are the elements that you should consider when designing your own home ballet studio!

1 Amount of spaceWhat many people don’t realize is that you actually don’t need much space to create your home ballet space. My core space, where I do my barre is about 2m x 1.80m, which really isn’t that much! For center work, I can squeeze out a bit more floor area, but then have to deal with strongly slanted ceilings. So if you can manage to find about 2m x 2m (and I know some people do with even less!), you have all you need. If you can get even a bit more, your training possibilites increase.

My core space is the space between the barre and the bannister.

2 Location within your homeThis is something you really need to sit down for and think about. For me, a movement space fits organically within a living room. The way I have gone about it in my previous home of ten years, another home of two years, and my current place: I dedicate about half of the living room as a movement space. This is where I clear out all furniture, place my barre, store training equipment, and put up my mirrors. [This also means that I have to be smart about how I set up the actual living room that is now only half the size. The way I do it in my current place: Instead of a huge couch/chaise set-up, I have a very lean futon bed sofa, and two very cozy but also lean accent chair that replace your usual stuffy living room chairs. I also have a small bench that can be used either as a floor desk or as a seating unit. Instead of a TV, I use a projector and then simply connect Netflix & Co. to watch it on a wall (we will talk more about projectors later).]

Initial set-up at one of my previous places - the movement area is between the dining area and the living area; pic is taken from about where the couch is. When I later got my ballet barre, it would stand right before the mirrors.

Same space, but I expanded the movement area by moving the shelves more into the living area.

That said, you may be more comfortable setting up your studio in your bedroom or an open kitchen/dining area. Or maybe you have a guest room that you can convert (your guests probably won’t mind sleeping in a nice ballet studio). The point is to make a choice and then run with it. And let’s not forget: If it doesn’t work, it’s not set in stone.

3 FloorThat’s the first thing to take good care of once you have decided on a location. You will have to live with the floor you have there. The best thing is to get a square of a proper vinyl/marley dance floor, and the specs will depend on what you are working with: Do you need to cover a wooden floor, concrete, or even carpet? It can all be done. There are even sprung floor panels for home use, although this is usually an investment close to $1000. But if you can live without jumping, you can get regular marley mats for under $100.

I personally have always had wooden floors in my homes and have not purchased any marley to cover them up. Simply because I was happy enough with how the wooden floors worked for me. Yes, it’s slippery which limits particularly what I can do on pointe, but I’m fine with what I can do right now. I might change my mind and possibly get some marley in the future.

4 BarreWhile chairs, kitchen counters and ironing boards might work well for a start, I personally think that a barre is the biggest step towards creating your home ballet studio. It just feels better, and it gives you more ways to train, like for example the ability to do barre stretches.

My first home ballet barre in my previous home in Munich.

Wall or free-standing barres? I would always go with free-standing barres, because it makes your studio more versatile. Sure, a wall-mounted barre might look like giving you more space, but it also gives you less flexibility. This might especially be important when you do Zoom classes or work with a mirror, and you can position your barre either facing the camera/mirror or perpendicular to it. You can even remove the barre completely for center work which might give you some extra space.

For those of you who are worried about not having enough space to store your free-standing barre: There are models that let you easily turn the feet parallel to the barre, so that you can just tuck your whole barre away very close to a wall. I got mine from Walmart Canada, but Amazon also has something very similar.

Not the prettiest of all barres, but…..

….you can nicely tuck away the legs and lean the whole thing against a wall.

5 MirrorsI know, some claim that you should not be obsessed with mirrors, but I find that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Especially for technical work, it just helps when you can complement your interoception with visual feedback. And, similar to a barre, mirrors are what will definitely give your home ballet space the look & feel of a studio.

Now, you can spend huge budgets for mirrors….don’t. I recommend: IKEA. They have a large selection of very affordable and elegant-looking mirrors in different sizes. You can get two and just position them next to each other because one will probably be not enough, especially for center work. I recommend wall-mounted mirrors that you just lean against the wall - again, this gives you flexibility if you want to move your training space to another spot in your home at some point. Careful when you have small kids, you might want to mount onto the wall then. What I did in a previous home was that I secured the mirrors on the floor with a L-profile (you can get it at any hardware store and cut it to the proper length for your mirror(s)’ width) that I taped to the floor with double-sided tape.

6 Camera/screen placementThis can actually be a huge roadblock for students that take classes through Zoom: How to position the camera and screen so that you can see the teacher well, and that your teacher can see you well. This will also take some time to figure out, and you need to sit down and think it through. The important thing is that you want to avoid having to move your tech equipment during your class. There are several options:

• If you work with a laptop/tablet/phone and integrated camera, this will be the most challenging. You need to position it far enough from you so that you can be fully on camera, at the same time you need to see your teacher demonstrating. This might mean that you need to step towards the screen while the teacher is demonstrating and then hope that you will remember the combination. Not ideal, but it might work as a first step.
• Get a seperate webcam. This will allow you to place the camera in an ideal spot, and the screen close to you.
• Work with a projector. This is my favorite option: Position your laptop with integrated camera so you can be seen well, and then connect it to a projector that will project your teacher on a wall. This will increase the size of the display and make your life so much easier. I will discuss this further in a seperate topic.

Here is one other thing: Remember that when you take class and do barre exercises, you might have to turn away from the camera for one side. Ideally, you would face the camera on the first side, so you can still see your teacher if you’re not sure about the combination. Even more ideally, you would face the camera on both sides - which is possible if you can position the barre in the middle of your studio space and switch from side to side. Or you have two barres - I use a barre and then the bannister on the other side - than you can just bounce between them.

Mirrors: Because of the low ceiling, I got two different IKEA mirrors. My camera (integrated in laptop is positioned angling slightly upward in order to cover as much space as possible.

7 LightingThere is a lot to say about light, so I’ll try to keep it compact. Generally: The better your lighting situation, the easier it is for your teacher to see and give you helpful corrections. Number one rule: As always in life, the light should shine ON YOU - not come from behind you. I still see a lot otherwise :-) So if you have a window - face the window. If you have standing lights, these, too, should be in front of you, behind the camera.

Now depending on where you set up your studio space in your home, this might not always work. Meaning, you might get a window behind you that will mess up your camera. The only solution is to add light that is illuminating you from your front. This could be existing standing light that you have in your home - or you might get some photography/video-specific lighting. You can get pretty decent LED light rings for around $100 (I recently bought this one and very happy so far) that will make a major difference for your online ballet life.

8 ProjectorA projector is probably one of the most underrated pieces of equipment in a home ballet studio set-up. It will vastly improve your experience of taking an online class. I think many people think that it’s expensive or that it’s complicated to run it. But prices for projectors have dropped SIGNIFICANTLY over the past decade. The one I have is about 12 years old (I bought it for a totally different purpose back then) and still runs fine (haven’t had to change the lamp once and it still has a lot of mileage). Back then I paid about $1000 for it, and you can get the current model (which is much better than mine!) for just under $400 now. I encourage you to do your own research, though, based on your specific needs (maybe your kids will use it for gaming?) You will additionally need a tripod (I have this one) or some other stand that you can mount it on (I kind of like this one but have not owned it myself) (if you want to improvise, you can just place it on a piece of furniture like a stool or something) and a long cable that connects it to your laptop. Long cable, because you want the projector and your computer to be as far as possible from each other, so that you can get a large projection. My projector is about 3.5m away from the wall it projects on, and the cable between the laptop and the projector covers a bit more than 5m. (My cable is from 25ft/approx 8m because you want extra length (so that it’s not in the way of anything), and it’s from HDMI (the port on the projector) to Display Port (on the laptop) - similar to this one. Depending on your device, you might also need an adaptor from Display Port to Mini Display Port, I have this one.) Unless you get a wireless (Wifi) projector - they seem to start a bit more expensive, but might be worth skipping the cable hustle.

As to what to project on - a white wall works great. If you do not have a white wall or if it is full of artwork, you might need a projector screen or white bed sheet or whatever you come up with.

I think in the end investing into a projector makes sense if you have use for it beyond online classes. I love mine for movie nights, to project pictures/artwork/etc during parties (once we can have them again), and to take it on the road if I have to do a presentation somewhere.

Keep it realI hope this article was helpful and got your wheels turning! It is really important to remember that my suggestions are only a starting point for you. It is key that you don’t just blindly follow them but really take a hard look at the space you have available and what you want to do in it.

It is equally important to not rush any investments. Let your home studio grow as your online class experience helps you get clearer on what you need. Start with one thing that is most important to you, and then add other pieces with time. This will prevent you from spending lots of money on stuff that might not work for you in the end. If there was some sort of priority, here is how I would start it and proceed:

1. If you don’t have a wooden floor, I would get an approx 2m x 2m piece of marley
2. Next, consider a barre.
3. Next maybe one mirror.
4. After that, optimize your lighting.
5. Next, add another mirror if you need it.
6. Last, tackle and/or optimze your camera and/or projector equipment and set-up.
7. Even after that, you could consider optimizing your floor with sprung panels

The quality and equipment will grow with you and your training commitment and I find it key to let it happen organically (vs getting a bunch of stuff that you won’t use much). Keep playing and tweaking and enjoy what you’ll do with it!

[Note: Most of the product links are affiliate links.]

Do you currently train ballet at home or are you planning to? What do you find most challenging about it so far? What you would like to improve? Any ideas that this article helped spark for you? Feel free to share!

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Daring to fly: Olivia after a few months in an adult ballet company. Photo by @osoikame

And she’s back! You might remember Olivia and her previous guest article on this blog - about how to train hardcore and still manage to live an adult work life*. Well, she took it even further! She managed to successfully join a local adult ballet company. You didn’t know such companies even existed? Well they do, and Olivia will tell us more about them. Anyway, after several hard months of rehearsal, she was ready to perform with the company for the first time. But then, cough-cough, enter COVID-19. The week before they were to head to the theater for tech week, everything shut down.

Nevertheless, she got a lot of company life and rehearsal experience under her belt, and grew a lot during that time. So I asked her if she would be up for sharing her experiences, and I am so happy she said yes. I think hearing these kind of stories is so valuable for us adult starters. Because after all, one of the main questions for people who start late but with high aspirations is: What can I do with my ballet? How can I develop into a dancer and perform? What opportunities are out there for someone in my situation?

This blog post will discuss Olivia’s experiences in an adult ballet company, the unexpected joys and challenges of “company life,” and what other adult ballet dancers should know if they are interested in performing.*

Please welcome…Olivia!

Is joining a company right for me? Why I decided to auditionIf you read my earlier blog post, you may remember that I danced through the age of 15 and then quit ballet for a full decade. When I restarted ballet as an adult, it was initially because I felt like I had unfinished business with the art form and needed to see how I would fare with a more mature and grounded mindset. While I did not have any expectations of performing as an adult, it was the part of ballet I had missed the most.

Performing and rehearsing offer unique challenges as an artist, and ballet, at its core, is a performance art. I craved a stronger connection with the dance community and wanted the chance to push myself in new ways, mentally and physically. In short, I wanted my dancing to have a purpose beyond my own enrichment (and by the way: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to perform). I wanted the chance to be part of someone’s creative vision. Fortunately, as fate would have it, there was an adult ballet company in my area, and I felt I owed it to myself to give it a shot after training for a few years .

Adult ballet companies are not yet mainstream—I am lucky enough to live in an area with multiple ballet studios and a thriving community of dedicated adult ballet dancers. I stumbled upon my company by happenstance during a Google wormhole search for performing opportunities for adults. Further research tells me that adult ballet companies are becoming more common though across the globe (for some inspiration, just check out the Swans Ballet Company in South Korea). Some companies are open to dancers of all or most skill levels, while others consist exclusively of high-level dancers such as former or would-be pros. If performing in an adult ballet company is something that interests you, you may need to do some digging into what the landscape looks like in your area. Depending on what’s available and the kind of dancers who perform will dictate the kind of preparation you need to do before joining.

Auditions: what to expect and how to prepareI knew that after taking 10 years off, my technique would be nowhere near up to par with dancers in any sort of company, even one for “amateurs.” I trained consistently taking roughly five ballet classes per week (and pointe at least once per week), and after two years, two friends and I made a pact and auditioned together.

While I did end up passing my audition and joining the company, I will say that a two-year timeline was overly ambitious of me. My technique was honestly not where it needed to be, and I spent most of my first year of the company playing catch up (more on this later). If there is an adult ballet company in your area (or some other sort of performance opportunity), I would strongly recommend at least a few years of consistent ballet classes. If your audition requires pointe work, you need to be comfortable doing pointe in the center. If you stop and start a lot or aren’t consistently pushing yourself in your training, it may be difficult for you to meet the demands of performance.

Before auditioning for my company) , I was required to submit my dance and performance history, list my injuries etc. If you have to audition, you will likely be asked to provide similar information. The audition for the company lasted about three hours and consisted of a Pilates class, a technique class on flat, and a pointe class. At another audition I did for a full-length ballet at an out-of-town studio was a bit more formal (the wearing a number on your leo kind). In that audition, we did a technique class with barre in flat shoes and center in pointe shoes (it took about two hours).

For both auditions, I wore solid color Yumiko leotards: nothing too flashy, but more exciting than the standard black-leo-pink-tights deal. I recommend wearing a leotard that makes you feel confident. If warmups are allowed, try not to stay in them for too long, since you’ll want to show off your technique. If you are expected to dance en pointe, I would strongly suggest bringing a couple pairs of shoes, just in case. My go-to shoes are broken-in and comfortable, but not yet dead or dying. In an audition, remember to do the combinations or choreography exactly as they are given to you. If you make a mistake (you will), do your best to grin and bear it, without letting yourself feel discouraged. I’m convinced that the dancers who succeed in auditions, aside from their artistry and technique, are the ones who exude the most joy and confidence in their dancing. (Easier said than done.)

Company rehearsals in full swing

Company life: the basicsYou’ve passed your audition--now what? Each company (or studio) has its own culture, even adult ones. Some companies are very serious and mimic professional environments, while others are much more casual and laid-back. My company consists of dancers who work full-time, non-dance jobs, but we train in a professional environment . In my company, most dancers are in their 20s and 30s—some are fresh out of college, while others have families. To my knowledge, no one in the company began ballet as an adult, but several dancers, like me, did have long hiatuses between their youth training and returning to ballet as an adult. There are many skill levels present, though most dancers have been dancing consistently for several years at this point. And some dancers feel most comfortable performing classical repertoire, others prefer contemporary or theater. If you are an adult starter, fear not. While my company does consist of dancers who have trained for many years, there are plenty of companies out there that welcome beginners. In my company, we’ve got the best of both worlds in that we dance because we love it, but we are also held to a high standard and are pushed to our artistic and technical limits.

Because we work day jobs, our rehearsing is done in the evening, twice a week for a total of just under six hours. We begin with a technique class, usually taught by the choreographer, and then move on to rehearsing that choreographer’s piece. We perform a mix of classical ballet, contemporary ballet, and theater dance. We do pay dues to help cover the cost of renting studio space, commissioning works, etc., but we are able to subsidize these costs with ticket sales from our annual performance.

Company mood.

Company life: unexpected challengesChallenge #1: My own lack of experience. I mentioned earlier that two years was probably not enough time to make up for ten years of not dancing (in retrospect: duh) . While I’m not quite sure what got me through the audition, I think it helped that I was a consistent and familiar face in ballet classes at our local studio. While I lack raw talent, facility, and experience, there is no denying that I am a hard worker. After joining the company, I realized that my technique and overall dance experience were lacking compared to my peers. I underestimated how difficult it would be to pick up new choreography, which you need to do quickly in order to be cast in pieces. I also really struggled with contemporary choreography because it was a totally foreign feeling in my body. Before you join a company, get a good sense of the kind of repertoire they perform and try to expose yourself to these styles before you attempt them for the first time in front of your choreographer.

Challenge #2: Dealing with commitment and fatigue. Even though I was used to going to ballet 5-7 days per week, there was something more mentally and physically draining about rehearsals. I think this is because rehearsal requires a lot more focus than open class. Learning new choreo and possibly unfamiliar steps is a lot more exacting than repeating the familiar sequence of ballet class. And because rehearsals went until almost 10 PM, I wouldn’t get home until 10:30 or 11 PM. If you end up joining a company with regular rehearsals, keep in mind that it’s a real commitment. You can skip open class if you’re tired, but not rehearsal. And because I struggled with picking up choreo, I had to spend a lot of time outside rehearsal reviewing and taking notes, which was another commitment.

Challenge #3: The emotional aspect. What surprised me the most at times was how difficult it was for me emotionally, especially at the beginning. I would become frustrated with myself when I struggled to pick up choreo or didn’t feel comfortable with a certain style. I put a lot of pressure on myself to improve quickly, but this morphed into some very unconstructive self-criticism. If anything, COVID-19 helped recenter myself and remove some of the self-imposed pressure. With ballet, I think it’s very easy to get caught up in feeling like we need external validation to prove our worth as dancers. Learning how to divorce myself of this way of thinking has been an ongoing process for me. It took a lot of reminding myself that technique-wise, I was more than fine given how long I had been dancing at that point. I also had to realize that my competition was not with others, but with myself. My friends (and fellow company members) gave me a lot of support and encouragement, reminding me of how much I had improved over the past year. (Also, if you constantly complain to your friends about how “bad” you are, eventually they will get sick of it and tell you to shut up about it. That also helps move the process along 😉.)

Company life: unexpected joysJoy #1: Amazing mentorship. I can’t emphasize enough how much my technique improved after joining a company. Am I on the same level as dancers who have been dancing for their entire lives uninterrupted? No, of course not. But I think I am a lot better than where I was a year ago. Thanks to my directors and artistic advisor, I was able to get a lot of specific corrections that forced me to think critically about my technique and how to improve it. I’ve since received several comments from my open class teachers and peers about how they have noticed a marked difference in my dancing. These improvements in my technique have allowed me to build a lot more self-confidence in my dancing, and I’m able to enjoy ballet more than I have in the past.

Joy #2: Focusing on details. One of the great things about working toward a performance is that you have the chance to focus on the details, such as how you present the foot before doing a saute arabesque or the way your arms transition from first to fifth position. I have found that open classes for adults don’t always dedicate time to the small stuff. Professional dancers spend countless hours perfecting infinitesimally small details to take good from great, and I loved being able to experience a part of that process.

Joy #3: Trying new things. As much as my classical ballet technique was lacking, I can’t even begin to describe how bad I was at other styles. Comically bad. Biscuit ballerina bad. But in many ways, this is what I needed. Even today, I’ve begun taking regular contemporary classes, and I don’t think that I would have had the gumption to do so without some exposure first. For our theater piece, which I understudied, I was so, so bad at it, but I ended up loving the theater choreographer’s classes. Because I didn’t have any expectations for my theater dance skills, I could actually focus on enjoying myself (a radical concept, I know). Being in my company opened up so many possibilities for me to challenge myself with dance, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

Joy #4: Company friends and the corps de ballet. Dancing in the corps gave me a huge appreciation for the hard work corps ladies do in professional companies. Standing on the side of the stage in pointe shoes is so much harder than it looks. Dancing in unison is also a challenge because even if the audience doesn’t look at you specifically, if you’re out of sync, they’ll definitely look at you, and it won’t be for the right reasons! After joining the company, I started paying more attention to the corps de ballet when watching performances, which has made ballet viewing a much more nuanced experience. And doing the same thing as everyone else is a very unifying thing--I now better understand why some dancers cite their corps years as some of their most fun (if challenging).

They never got to perform because….yeah, Covid. But one day…..

Top 5 pieces of advice for adult ballet dancers: 1. How to find and get to know potential companies: If there’s a company you want to join, learn about them before auditioning. While not all adult ballet companies hold auditions, it’s still important to know the kinds of dancers in the company and the rep they perform. Before auditioning, I talked to current company members to get a sense of what it was like to dance with them. Adult ballet companies tend to be small, so I think it’s important to make sure it’s a good personality fit before you join.

Side bar: What do you do if you can’t find a company? The reality is that performance opportunities for adults are sadly not the norm yet. I’m hoping this will change, given that teachers and studios are coming around to the idea that adults can (and want to) have training experiences that mirror those of the under-18s. Anyway, if you don’t have anything in your immediate vicinity, you’ve got a couple of options. The first would be to check nearby cities for opportunities to perform—even I drove an hour each way to make rehearsals for the full-length ballet at that aforementioned out-of-town studio. Second, as much as we all loathe ballet-at-home at this point, one of the good things to come out of the pandemic has been the digitization of dance and the availability of previously unavailable opportunities. (Want to take a class half-way across the country? No problem.) Check to see if there are virtual performing opportunities. Third, if all else fails, start your own. While I’m not even remotely qualified to brush on that topic, I’d recommend checking out Jana Carson from @ballerinasbynight on Instagram, who helped form a company of her own at her local studio. 2. Don’t underestimate the commitment it takes to put on a performance. Rehearsals aren’t optional; they are vital. Since all our dancers work day jobs, we have limited time to make our pieces performance ready. This means you have to attend rehearsal, no matter how tired you are after work. We didn’t have a set number of “excused” absences since we are working adults and know that sometimes stuff comes up, but it was important to attend all the rehearsals you physically could. There were definitely days I was exhausted and would have rather stayed home to rest, but I bucked up and drove to rehearsal instead (sometimes facing up to an hour of heavy traffic to do so). 3. Be open to the artistic process, even if that means feeling vulnerable. Nothing great happens easily. As the least experienced member in my company, I was acutely aware of how far behind my technique and performance abilities were compared to my peers. Once I was able to say to myself, “Ok, this is where I am, and there’s where I’d like to be,” I started to improve. But it can be difficult to admit to yourself that your skills aren’t what you wish they were, and improvement comes slowly. On this note, it’s important to be open to trying new things and challenging your body in new ways. If you can accept that it’s ok to be bad at something for the sake of trying something new, you’ll have a lot more success improving in the long run. 4. Take it seriously--but not too seriously. While it’s important to fulfill whatever commitments you’ve laid out for yourself as far as your dance goals are concerned, it’s important to have fun. If you don’t enjoy the rehearsal process, it’s not worth it to be in the company. Ballet should be fun. And in my case, ballet is not my job. It’s something I am lucky enough to do for fun outside of work. I take it seriously (because I love it), but sometimes I have to remember that ballet is more than perfect technique. Sometimes you make the most progress when you let yourself relax a little. Even my own director, who is a stickler for proper technique, would say “it’s just ballet” if she saw us getting overly frustrated or upset with ourselves. 5. Performance is a beautiful love letter to your art, but ballet is about more than performing**. If I’ve learned anything from spending months rehearsing and then not performing, it’s that the process is the most important part. Yes, I look forward to the day I can return to the stage and showcase the hard work my company and I put into our pieces, but ultimately, I am more grateful for the experiences and personal growth I’ve had through my company.

I hope you felt as inspired by Olivia’s post as I did! Are you aspiring to perform? Does the idea of joining an adult ballet company excite you? Or still too far away for you? Feel free to share your thoughts!

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If you are like me, then you’re in for more than just taking ballet class.

Warming up the rotators :)

You actually want to get really good at ballet. You want progress and proficiency. You don’t just want to be the cute adult who was brave enough to start late and now looks like a beginner forever. You actually, at some point, want to look like someone who had systematic training.

But as we all know, “systematic training” is exactly the challenge here. When you start as an adult, you often get into it through drop-in classes that per se do not offer a systematic approach to technique. You have to piece it together, maybe add privates into the mix, and get creative.

About 1.5 years ago, I asked myself how I could create some sort of pre-professional training for myself. Not necessarily in all aspects, but at least some format that would be more than taking a drop-in class every day, and that would offer a meticulous progression into movement patterns and technique. This thought process was mainly sparked after I had met my current teacher Evelyn Hart back then. I had started taking her barre, and the impact her teaching had on me was tremendous. If you’ve read along here for a while, you know that I finally started training with her regularly online during the pandemic earlier this year.

Fast forward to now, and I can say that I’ve hit a major milestone towards my ambitious training dream - by joining Evelyn Hart’s two current pre-professional students and taking class with them every day. In addition, I still take two full classes with another teacher. Altogether, and if I add stretching and conditioning into the mix, I am currently in the studio for 3-4 hours per day on 5 days per week.

But this article is not about the amount of time spent in a studio. By joining Evelyn’s classes, I feel like I have taken a plunge into something very novel and unique. A very different approach to class. Because Evelyn is only to some extent concerned with how classes “have” to be, and very much gives them her very own spin. And to my delight: Neuroplasticity plays a big role. She might not call it this way, but I am finding that she intuitively teaches based on neuroplastic principles! I am having so many aha-moments regarding how my body works and in particular, how turnout works. At the same time, I feel I am starting my ballet learning from scratch again right now, unlearning so much of what I have learned before.

So what does this have to do with YOU? Well, I thought that I could share with you the eleven ways (random number, I could list many more :-D) in which my experience of Evelyn’s classes differs from your typical adult ballet drop-in class and how these ways are beneficial to learning. For each one, I will also show how you can apply and integrate it to your own situation. My hope is that this list of insights can inspire you to make the little and bigger shifts to a more effective way of learning ballet!

Ready? Let’s do this! In no particular order, here are the hallmarks and how you and I can apply them even when we are in a more traditional adult ballet class setting:

1. Simplicity and no sweat. Evelyn’s class is kind of a “laboratory”, and less of a “gym”. While it’s a very advanced/pre-professional class, you would be surprised at the simplicity of the barre exercises. Nothing fancy, and while she does do a whole barre, most of it really are tendus. Center also starts with simple port-de-bras and tendus, and then slowly gets more complex. The cardiovascular intensity is generally quite low, on the other hand the class is quite long (it usually exceeds two hours, the barre alone is usually more than an hour). Evelyn takes a lot of time for very specific individual corrections and for explaining concepts and movement patterns that are key to ballet. In fact I would say that it is one of her big strengths to spot something in a student, stop, correct, explain, and then integrate the concept that she just explained in the next exercise. Meaning, while she does have her class pre-prepared, she doesn’t shy away from adding/modifying especially her barre exercises when she wants to solidify a point. While all this sounds not very “tough” and less structured than a regular class, again, from a neuroplastic standpoint this approach is pure gold. And it IS actually quite tough - on the details and intricacies. Because first and foremost, she wants her classes to teach movement patterns, period. Not stamina, not mindless brute strength. I.e. she wants her students’ brains to learn the correct activation of muscles. And for that, you need to avoid fatigue, for instance, so you can’t do it in a high-intensity-blood-and-sweat environment. You need to make sure that the students can actually feel how it is supposed to feel. You need as many high-quality repetitions as possible, so she might repeat an exercise several times if she feels it will benefits the students. You need variations and approaches to the same idea from different angles. You need to feel that it is ok to experiment and make mistakes or fail at feeling something. She is encouraging dialogue and letting students share what they feel. When she gives a correction to one student, she encourages the other students to watch and spot the difference. And regarding stamina - that is built elsewhere, for example through having long days and rehearsals.

How to apply this: So while all this is not possible in your typical drop-in class, this is something we can keep in mind when working at home: Take time for “laboratory work”, for research. For example, see how many different ways you can find to turn out in first. Or in fifth. Or do a plié. Or if you have trouble with something in class, take it home and spend an hour with it: Break it down, do it slow, do it faster, do it on flat, on demi-pointe etc etc. In general, don’t feel pressured to rush the process.

2. There are 3-5 perparatory exercises before the plié. If your regular class experience is like mine, then you probably start barre with pliés or maybe one preparatory exercise. In her class, Evelyn does a full of at least 10-15min of exercises before the first plié. These are usually gentle but very mindful tendu exercises that include different “add-ons” (like foot flexion, toe movements etc) in order to remind the brain of the right way to rotate the thigh bone in the hip joint socket. What she says about this is totally right: The plié is a full-range exercise and places a high demand on hip joint mobility, so the joint needs to be prepared! I must say that I totally enjoy these many preparatory exercises because it’s a more systematic ramping-up and gentle start into class and it also helps me find a sense of calm and start feeling things in my body.

How to apply it: So now, when I do another class, I make sure that before the class starts, I not only do my stretching/rolling/mobilizing, but I also do rotation-initiating movements and simple tendus in standing.

3. Tendus ALL THE TIME. While Evelyn does a full barre, when you look at the exercises, tendus are part of everything. They are the main bulk of the barre. Often, she will take about half an hour just for tendus from first! Yes, she does touch rondes de jambe, frappés, fondus, grand battements, but she sneaks those tendus into all of them.

How to apply it: Tendu ALL THE TIME.

4. Pelvic alignment ABOVE ALL ELSE. I would say that this is the signature premise of Evelyn’s approach to teaching ballet, and really one of her demonstration and teaching strengths: Only with the EXACT proper position of the pelvis can full turnout be achieved. It sounds almost too simple (it’s not), but it’s slowly dawning on me how crucial the proper tilt of the pelvis is for the full range of external hip rotation to follow. In fact, it’s been a game changer for me and I am currently experiencing how much more turnout I have than what I always thought. But this is also the hardest part: Creating AND maintaining the pelvic alignment is a HUGE task, because you have to override postural patterns that have been with you all your life. A “natural curvature” between your pelvis and spine just won’t cut it if you want full turnout. It’s a strict on/off thing: It’s not enough to be “quite well” aligned. Full hip rotation will only be available if you hit the exact alignment that the pelvis needs to be in. It’s like using a key to unlock a door: If you put the key 99% into the lock, you won’t be able to turn it. You need to get it in fully 100% to turn it and open that door. So that’s why her barre revolves around tendus, because you want a low-impact situation in order to really pull that pelvis into alignment.

How to apply it: While it’s THE biggest and most important challenge, it’s also a very accessible one, meaning you can practice and play with it any time even outside of class! Whenever you are standing, or even walking, you can try to pull up the front of your pelvis (the pubic bone), let the sacrum drop, and relax all of your hip muscles as much as possible.

5. Use of arms is optional. This is something that surprised me most in the beginning when I first started taking Evelyn’s class - the girls never used their arms especially not during barre, but often also not during center exercises. Instead, they would put their non-barre hand for example on the sacrum, in order to feel the the pelvic alignment while doing their exercises. At some point I asked Evelyn about it and she said that not using the arms helps with focusing on what really matters - and that, to her, is pelvic alignment and the bones of the legs. She said that in her experience, when the pelvis alignment is understood and embodied, the use of the upper back and arms falls into place naturally. Now, this contradicts the common ballet class belief that everything has to be active and in place and perfect; but coming from a neuroplastic perspective, this armless approach makes sense. The brain simply can’t focus on several things at the same time, so it makes sense to build alignment systematically, and starting with the legs and pelvis is absolutely crucial. There is also an emotional sense of calm when you focus on one main area and can use your hands to connect to your body vs holding it in second.

How to apply it: So now when I am in other classes where the arms are normally used, I usually do the first barre exercises without using my arms, and then add my arms once I feel that I have a sense of where my pelvis is and my hip joint is warmed and opened up a bit.

6. Connecting turn-in and turn-out. So there is this huge focus on turnout in ballet, right? I mean, yes, for a reason haha. And I always had this ambition to not spend any of my precious ballet time in parallel. Because what for. But what I am learning more and more from Evelyn’s teaching is that there is immense value in understanding and feeling the relationship of a neutral to a turned-out leg. So, for example, her first preparatory exercise is almost entirely on parallel legs, and then she often adds other barre exericses with a turn-in-turn-out component. The reason why this is so valuable is that it teaches the body how to activate the deep rotators without using any of the superficial muscles (aka butt). This was another game changer for me.

How to apply it: So this is also something I am adding to my warm-up before “regular” classes, as it let’s me start the barre with already activated rotator muscles. (No coincidence that my Turn On Your Turnout training guide also has some turn-in-turn-out elements!)

7. No music. [EDIT: After publishing the article, Evelyn clarified that it is her ideal scenario to always have a pianist and live music for barre and center. However, during these Covid times, she tries to keep the number of people in the studio as low as possible and therefore does not bring in an accompanist. And on Zoom, well, it would be a bit lost :-)] This is quite remarkable: For her barre, Evelyn does not use any music any more. I mean, I have had other teachers that worked without music (in privates) but it’s still remarkable for Evelyn, because she is like the most musical person I’ve ever met and places a lot of emphasis on musicality in her teaching. Exceptional musicality was what made her stand out as a dancer, and music was what helped her build her own technique. So why does she not use any music during barre? First and foremost, it’s a practical thing. It saves her lots of time, and it lets her approach and correct her students during an exercise in a much more flexible way. Second, just because she doesn’t use music does not mean there is no musicality. In fact, she counts and “narrates” all the exercises in different ways, so there is an inherent rhythm and melody to it. Personally, even though I like music, working without music does a lot of good for me. The main reason being that it takes out any rushing and allows me to really experiment, sense, and feel into my body. It’s less distracting and lets me focus on whatever I need to focus.

How to apply it: Isn’t it liberating that you can practice tendus any time and anywhere, without having to have proper music? Try to find rhythm. Maybe experiment with counting or singing it out.

8. Use as little as possible. This was initially the biggest aha-mindblow-moment when I did the barre with Evelyn for the first time last year. I had been trained that creating ballet legs required full-out muscle activation. In fact, in all the sports activities that I did during all my life, intense muscle activation was my way to stability and power. And now here is this slim woman cueing me to let go of all that. And it’s such a contrasting experience: Attempt the almost impossible miracle of completely changing the habitual alignment of your pelvis and maintain it, but please don’t use any muscle for that :-D Well, of course you will use muscle, but the idea is to use as little muscle as possible to achieve the desired result. And it continues to amaze me how little is actually necessary. This applies to anything Evelyn teaches: Stop grabbing and tensing your muscles everywhere, so it also applies to her port-de-bras, for example. Her mantra is to free the joints so they can move unobstructed, and then you can add movement and muscle activity. It’s still the biggest challenge for me, but at least I have made huge progress in becoming aware where I am tensing and using more muscle activity than is actually needed for the movement.

How to apply it: This sensing now follows me in everything I do in every day life: For example I noticed that I am tensing the sole of my right foot when I am walking. Or that I am tensing the outside of my right hip when standing. Or that I am tensing the muscles between my shoulder blades when standing or sitting. It’s also such a huge metaphor for life, right? How often do you put too much thought, stress, worry, tension into a situation? How often do you try to muscle through with more work and effort? How often are you trying to be extra nice or behave well so that other people will like you? When I watch Evelyn demonstrate it’s such a liberating feeling of seeing true effortlessness and super high movement quality from very little muscle and seeing her full personality in all of it.

9. Bones eat muscles for breakfast: This is another thing that instantly made me resonate with Evelyn’s way, and it’s big in my own teaching of turnout and movement patterns for ballet. It’s actually related to above point, a generalization of the pelvic alignment idea, and it’s in essence the most fundamental biomechanical concept. What it means: Always ask yourself where the bones need to go. So instead of worrying about muscle activation - simply direct the bone. Even just as simple as in turnout: Instead of being concerned with hip muscle activity, think about the top of the thigh bone in the hip joint socket and what it means to rotate it. When you really imagine it, you will realize that your outside hip muscle activity will pretty much drop to zero, and your bone will rotate much more easily (and more, too) because you automatically activated the most efficient and effective muscles for this task: The deep rotators.

How to apply it: In order to be able to direct the bones, you actually need to know where they are and how the joints move. For me, this means looking at my skeleton Ricky (whom I have turned into a half-skeleton a while ago) and really familiarize myself with the position of the sacrum, the hip joint sockets, and the femur - over and over again. Because my brain does this funny thing where, in my mind, I typically place the hip joints too much to the side of the pelvis, and I also think that the sit bones are farther back than they actually are. So I have to “correct” this internal representation of my anatomy regularly, until my brain has had enough repetitions to place them correctly. If you don’t have a skeleton at home, then even looking at images of skeletons is great, and Google has plenty of them!

In case you were wondering, my hand is imitating the chair ;-)

10. Imagery is strictly experiential. So those of you who have followed me for a while might remember that I am not a fan of imagery at all. It actually triggers me when teachers use some sort of your-pelvis-as-a-bowl-filled-with-water-don’t-spill-it metaphors. It’s not that it’s wrong, I just find it incredibly hard and distracting to process an image while doing and trying to feel a movement. Evelyn, however, has taught me the value of effective imagery, but here is the difference in how she uses it: She almost exclusively uses images that she can immediately make palpable. So when she says that the pelvis, legs, and feet are like a martini glass, she brings an actual martini glass and places it in front of the pelvis and legs. Or when she says we should feel our sitbones sit on a chair in order to create the proper pelvic alignment, she actually lets us sit on a chair and tendu from there. Or when she taught me how to point my foot and said I should imagine my toes kicking a small ball, she made me take a small piece of paper and kick it with straight toes. She is also really good at using purely anatomical images, i.e. describing pathways of bones and directions of rotations.

How to apply it: One way for me when I am in regular drop-in class and the teacher comes up with an image that feels distracting, I simply allow myself to ignore it. I think we have to be honest with ourselves and discern what works and what doesn’t. Even some of Evelyn’s images don’t work as well for me, so I just try not to engage with them too much or find ways to replace them. On the other hand it is a great exercise to get creative and see how you can use objects around you to create images and actually physically feel them and play with them.

11. It’s about the basics forever. So this was surprising to me, and it really takes a lot of pressure off. It’s so interesting to see how often Evelyn addresses very basic technique principles with her pre-professional students. I am talking stuff like hiking up the working hip, not being turned out, sticking the butt out (=letting the pelvis tilt forward), not crossing the legs enough, knees not being straight etc etc…and we are talking incredibly well-trained and gorgeous dancers here that are about to make the leap into the professional world! So this just shows that the work never ends, and that there is always room for significant improvement of quality. I find a certain kind of relief in this, because it means that it’s ok to struggle and not get it, and that it’s not that we as adults started too late or are not smart enough - it only means that ballet movement concepts are very challenging and difficult to learn per se! So no need to be frustrated or embarrassed - on some level, we all - kids, starters, trained dancers, professionals - try to master the same things, no matter how talented or advanced we might be.

How to apply it: Be at peace with always coming back to the basics. Actually, be proud of it - cause you might just be working on the same thing as your favorite ballet star. Cheers to that!

So this is it, these are my favorite insights from these very unique classes so far. I think the main takeaway is that while we might be typically going to “regular” adult drop-in classes, we need to

• create time and space for unstructured experimentation and movement “research” (yes, this is your home ballet laboratory!)
• have a few fundamental concepts that guide that research (like, for example, the pelvic alignment, or knowing where your bones are)
• not be afraid to question common practices and really notice what kind of teaching approach and concepts resonate with your body. Because often times it’s not about right or wrong, but more what YOU personally need to achieve the desired technique result.

And as for the idea of creating your own ballet training that gives you what you need, I think it’s important to really stay atuned to what you actually need (and love!). And then keep your eyes and ears open, and trust that things will come into your life. For me, the starting realization was that I was tired of muscle-ing my way through everything, so I instinctively latched on when I found an environment where letting go of excess muscle activity was the guiding light. And also, don’t try to make it perfect from the start. For example, while I am loving Evelyn’s class, it’s technically not a 100% fit because it’s geared towards the pre-professional students. So I try to keep up as good as I can. Which often means that I am not able to do the allegros, because I don’t have the skill for them yet and/or I can’t pick up new combinations that fast. But it’s ok, it’s one step and one milestone after the next. For now I am grateful for all that I can soak up, and I hope that by sharing some of it with you, you can soak up now, too!

I hope you got something out of this! From the insights that I shared above - did any of you came as a surprise? Or did they confirm what you have felt for a long time? Feel free to share!

[Note/Disclaimer: I have Evelyn’s permission to record myself in class and share my insights. Whereever I quote what she said, I am paraphrasing - so just a heads-up there is always a small chance of misinterpretation. Should be very small though :-)]

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Hello again friends!
Welcome to this second episode of the Late to the Party Ballet Podcast! This episode was recorded in July and it was supposed to air shortly after. But then my life started to crumble a bit due to the pandemic and travel restrictions, and all my energy was focused on resolving that.

But, now that IT IS resolved (yay!), I am excited to come back to this conversation with a very fascinating dancer, choreographer, artist: Drew Jacoby!

I came across Drew shortly after I started ballet, when I was struggling with being by far the tallest dancer in my beginner classes. And not seeing much of tall dancers in the professional ballet world either! So I googled my heart out, found Drew, and got really drawn into her story and mentality.

The reason why I wanted to chat with her for this blog is that for me, she is a great model for how to build a self-directed career in dance. What I mean by that: She created her own opportunities vs waited to be cast/hired/asked to perform. This is exactly the mindset from which I have always approached my dance and also the Late to the Party Ballet mission. For us adult dancers, it might not necessarily mean “career” but a way of taking or ballet training and transform it into a diversity of creative projects - vs. just taking classes and learning the usual classical variations.

Drew grew up in Idaho/US and got her training at San Francisco Ballet and Pacific Northwest. She joined Alonzo King’s Lines Ballet at the age of 17. What followed then is quite unusual for a ballerina: Instead of sticking to company life and working her way up through the ranks, she left the system and started freelancing in New York City at age 22. It wasn’t until her late twenties that she turned towards a company career again, when she joined the Netherlands Dans Theater and then later became a principal dancer the the Royal Ballet of Flanders. Drew has a daughter and together with her husband they now live in Seattle.

I think what stands out to me about Drew’s path and her approach to art is that even when she experiences frustrations and rejections, she doesn’t doubt her abilities. She is good at discerning that when you don’t get what you’re aiming for, it’s not so much about that you’re not cut out for it, but rather that others/environments have their own ways or working and are not ready or suitable for you. Yes, hard work is still required, but the important thing is to let go quickly and continue to look for what’s a good fit. Also, to me, she lives the opposite to “shrinking” - she is not afraid to be seen and noticed; she owns her height and movement abilities and welcomes the impact that she can have with them.

We talk about the key moment that prompted her to move to NYC and start freelancing despite always dreaming of a classical career; her advice for adult ballet starters and how to use your ballet knowledge to create opportunities for yourself; how becoming a mother changed her outlook on dance and her corner stones for raising a strong daughter.

Hearing Drew speak about the huge amount of flexibility, braveness, and confidence that she had from a very young age and that helped her create her unique career trajectory was so liberating. It reminded me that in the end, we can’t control outcomes, but we can choose what to pursue in a way that works for us, we can choose to show ourselves and go for it. Please enjoy this conversation!

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Is this pretty? Or a moment of uniqueness and experimenting?

Ballet has been a tremendous rescue to my whole life. I would go as far as to say that it saved me from depression, from stressing out about my body, from living in a city that I didn’t love, and working in a job that wasn’t a good fit.

And from so many conversations with so many of you all around the world, I know that you are feeling similar effects, too. That the healing and joy that ballet has brought into your lives is enormous and the aspirations and ambitions that it has awoken cannot be celebrated enough.

I keep saying that there are so many advantages of starting ballet later in life, and one of them is that you can enter and practice it on your own terms. YOU get to decide when you start, how many classes you take, which teachers you want to work with, and what you want to get out of it. In a way, as adults, we are also much less likely to experience the still lingering toxicity and pressures of a pre-professional environment that can wreak havoc on a soul. (I mean, ok fair point, we come with our own havocs.)

So to a large extent, we are free to go about ballet as we like. We have a say. We usually don’t get body shamed from teachers and we’re not expected to fit in. We can wear our own colors and styles. We can skip class if we need to, or take three in a row.

In other words: We get the space to be the unique person we are, with our unique strengths, quirks, and flaws.

And yet, in this seemingly empowered adult ballet world, I see a bit of a shade. Something I am definitely not over, and a bit challenged to speak about:

“Pretty”.

The still dominant narrative that ballet needs to look pretty. That a tutu needs to be pretty. That a ballerina needs to look pretty. That a leo-and-pointe-shoe-pic needs to look pretty.

And I get it. Many of us coming to ballet late actually CRAVE “pretty”. We live in a world that often expects women to man up, power through, and be a bit practical about their demeanour, poise, wardrobe, and appearance - if they want to juggle it all. So there is this longing for the opposite, and that’s exactly why the quiet and soft aesthetics of ballet speak to us so much. The century-old traditions, rituals, and manners are intriguing in their changelessness. The hand gestures, the hunch of a smile, the pink, the white, the shiny pointe shoes….it’s so soothing and such a welcome change from the loud, bright, messy, and ugly outside world.

And I don’t have an issue with that.

The issue comes when pretty becomes a trap. When it becomes so dominant that it blocks uniqueness, disempowers diversity, and eliminates the depth and messiness of the human experience. When it becomes a nice-to-look-at, shallow sugar coating that covers up any misfits and impurities.

Honestly, I’ve started to cringe and feel a vague sense of uneasiness when I hear the word “pretty”. I definitely don’t believe in “pretty”’s innocence any more. (If something seems innocent, you can almost always be sure that there is a big, invisible toxic part to it.) “Pretty” is dangerously close to:

• Fragile
• Outside appearance
• White
• Obedient
• Perfect
• Numb
• Uniform
• Fitting in
• Not speaking up
• Not asking questions
• People-pleasing
• Denying needs and pain
• Always smiling

As a sidenote, or actually more main than side, I believe that the imperative of “pretty” is why ballet is having such a hard time with current Black Lives Matter events, why it’s stil struggling with queerness among ballerinas, or dancers with disabilities. When all you have and want is “pretty”, there is no space for intense colors, for mismatch and friction, for unique (dis-)abilities, for less hierarchical and more self-governing/learning organisations.

P.S. To me “beautiful” is the older sister of “pretty”. Yes, beautiful implies more maturity, more strength, more substance - but if we’re not careful, it can still be a quite one-dimensional deal.

P.P.S. “Pretty” often goes hand in hand with perfectionism, beating yourself up, harsh self-criticism, and judging others. Because when “pretty” is the reference, well guess how you will cope when things are not pretty. I would even say that “pretty” shapes the way you train. “Pretty” will not allow for much weird-looking experimentation, it’s the enemy of mistakes, of messy beginnings, of sweaty shorts, of falling and tumbling. “Pretty” calls for perfect execution in pretty skirts, with no sweatmarks of course. The problem is that this is not how learning works.

So why I am riding these semantics so much and taking many hours to write and edit this article?

Because I think that as adult ballet students and dancers we are in a unique and powerful position to change the ballet narrative - but if we fall into the trap of “pretty”, this opportunity can easily be missed.

Because we are older, more mature, and operating on our own money, we can co-create ballet environments that are much more diverse, real, inclusive, equal, interesting, and healthy than everything that still seeps out from many traditional environments. We can co-create something that is way more alive than “pretty”. Something exciting, profound, discomforting, deep, full, and wild.

But how do we do that? And isn’t it enough that adult ballet studios are usually quite welcoming spaces?

I think it starts with little steps and, yes, semantics. Here are a few ideas:

• I think that a good start is to look at the way we use terms like “pretty”, “cute”, “beautiful”. What kind of behavior, look, social media posts, voices do these terms favor, incentivize, include?
• Look at how you compliment others. Instead of saying someone/-thing looks pretty, can you add specificity that brings out that person’s uniqueness, boldness, self-love, self-expression, strength, the way she bravely takes up space?
• Instagram. “Pretty” Central, haha. Ok my pet peeve #cutepointeshoepictures. So: Does my grid really have to look like a f***ing art gallery (not my words, quoting Gary V here, but could be mine :-))? Do I really want to post this “pretty” thing, or am I just afraid to post something that is more raw, more edgy, more my true self? What about accounts that I follow and posts that i like - do I give them my attention because I really get something out of them? Or is it that they’re somehow comforting, safe, not threatening the status quo? Can I actively seek out more discomforting ballet voices that challenge me, make me think and grow? Don’t forget that a social media algorithm will present you with what you teach it. Also - as above - observe and notice how you comment on posts. Can you make it more specific, showing that you celebrate uniqueness, braveness, the willingness to make mistakes, and strength - vs. only catering to prettiness?
• Observe how you train, in class and outside of it. In the podcast episode that we did together, my teacher Evelyn Hart mentioned in passing that the way she teaches turnout may even look weird to an outside observer. Meaning, until you truly get it, you will have to go through weird pathways to make your body understand. It won’t look pretty. Can you allow yourself to not look pretty in class and workout sessions?
• Also, how do you contribute to your local ballet environment? Do you actively approach newcomers, make them feel welcome, give them a smile? Do you go and speak with the teacher, or studio owner, when you have questions, concerns, or ideas? Do you catch yourself being judgemental of how others look, dress, or do class? What would it take to drop these judgement and make peace?

To be clear: This is not a plea to discard and throw out “pretty” and its siblings. Nor to eliminate the whole nature of ballet. It’s totally ok to still like “pretty”. To dress pretty. To enjoy cute pointe shoes. To do reverences, to honor century-old traditions and etiquette. Rather, I am in favor of throwing out our unexamined ideas of pretty and the consequences they may have on our and others’ ballet experience and progress. It’s about dismantling the dominance of “pretty” and create an invigorating co-existence with “everything else, ugly and wild included”.

If we can reflect and take these steps, everyone in their own way, on their own pace, the healing power of ballet can become limitless. It can become the powerful practice that it has the potential to be, a true meditation that can have true impact on you as a dancer and from there on the world.

Let’s challenge “pretty” so we can become free to create much more than that.

Have you ever fallen into the pretty trip? In what way has it been limiting to you? Or maybe you don’t see the issue at all? Feel free to share your thoughts!

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Full attention and soaking up every word. This is the picture that Evelyn refers to in our conversation. (Picture courtesy of Evelyn Hart)

Friends!
Welcome to this only, or maybe first episode of the Late to the Party Ballet Podcast! I started working with Evelyn Hart a couple of months ago, and you can read the full story of how that came about in one of my recent blog articles. Right from the start I realized that I really enjoyed talking with her, beyond the ballet that she was teaching me. I was dying to ask her more questions, but despite Covid-related closures, our schedules were packed and there wasn’t much time around classes to chat.

But because I felt like her story offered so many gifts, I thought – why not ask her if she would be up for a conversation that we could share with others? She graciously agreed. And so here we are!

What I only more recently learned, and what makes this conversation so relevant for us adult ballet starters, is that Evelyn started ballet quite late as a teenager, so a lot of her experience as a dancer revolved around “feeling behind” and “catching up”. Sounds familiar? :-)

Picture courtesy of Evelyn Hart.

Evelyn is considered one of Canada’s most famed and accomplished ballerinas. She started dancing at 14, joined the Royal Winnipeg Ballet when she was 17, and was promoted to principal dancer four years later. She won the gold medal at the International Ballet Competition in Varna, Bulgaria, at 24, upon which she started guesting and for the first time diving into lots of classical repertoire - at an unheard pace - all over the world.

What sounds like a prodigy-type journey is to a large extent also a story of rejections, overcoming limited turnout, and dealing with lots of stage fright and self-doubt. But it is also a story of incredible grit, perseverance, an incessant drive to figure out ballet technique from the inside out, and an exceptional musicality and artistry that would become the key to Evelyn’s remarkable career.

Evelyn now lives in Toronto and is a sought-after coach, teacher, and mentor to professional and pre-professional dancers. She is a Companion of the Order of Canada, a Fellow of the Royal Society of Canada, and has received a Governor General’s Performing Arts Award for Lifetime Artistic Achievement.

We talk about how long it took her to overcome her late start and what advice she has for adult beginners who struggle with the “late start shadow”; what kept her going after being rejected from the National Ballet School THREE times; her take on pelvic alignment for exploring full turnout and hip joint rotation; why she chose to dance in pointe shoes that were soft as socks; the role of musicality in fundamental ballet technique; how she would start working with an absolute adult beginner; and gift of being uncompromising in any pursuit.

For me, this conversation unlocked a new self-perception around being a student and dancer who started late in life. Hearing from someone so accomplished that, really, you can CREATE at any point in your life, no matter at what age you started, was like getting a fresh infusion of purpose into my daily ballet practice. I hope you’ll get it to – and much more beyond it. Please enjoy!

Picture courtesy of Evelyn Hart.

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Most blissful times ever.

They say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

Only in this case, the teacher appeared - and disappeared right away.

I came across Evelyn Hart shortly after coming to Canada in 2017. Actually, I came across a flyer for her “Love, Sex & Brahms” performance in Toronto. The reason that performance caught my eye was that she was in her early sixties! And everyone in my ballet studio had sort of a revering undertone when talking about her. With time, I learned that she was a Canadian legend, a “national treasure”, as one of my friends likes to put it. She was most known for her time as a principal dancer with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, where she danced for almost 30 (!) years. But she also had stints all over the world, for example in my kind-of-hometown Munich. The reason I had not heard of her was essentially because I didn’t know anything about ballet until I started it six years ago.

Anyway. She kept floating around in the Toronto ballet sphere, coaching company dancers, teaching pre-professional students, and yes, still performing, too. We actually did cross paths briefly and said “hi” during my OpenSpace residency at the National Ballet of Canada (I blogged about it here and here), but we never introduced ourselves, nor chatted. I kind of knew it was her, though - lightly carrying the wiry physique of an eternal ballerina and radiating the unapologetic presence of an artist who has done it all.

And then suddenly, we met. Though it couldn’t have been more coincidental.

A sense of Ballet HOmeIn 2019, Evelyn started renting space in one the studios where I was taking classes - for the private conservatory that she was running back then. One day, she came into the studio a little earlier to warm up, and my teacher introduced us.

We started chatting, and from the first minute I felt like coming home. Her language, her whole vocabulary when talking about ballet, about movement, teaching, and learning - it mirrored everything that had accumulated in me over all my life, and over my ballet life, and was waiting to be spoken to. Her physical wisdom went beyond ballet - it was a combination of somatic practice, embodied biomechanics, neural pathways - and over everything, a divine elegance. Over everything was also a compulsion to share her wisdom and a deep satisfaction from making others better. She and my teacher knew each other well from the past, and on several occasions she took a peak at our rehearsals and gave us valuable feedback and corrections.

After one of our chats, she casually invited me to stay after my class and do barre with her conservatory girls. Wait, WUT?

I had to catch myself briefly. The truth was that this was the time when I had an episode of intense and chronic SI joint pain while taking a lot of classes and rehearsing for a show. My body was a wreck each time afterwards, and the only thing I could think of every day was to go home and collapse into an Epsom salt bath (and it was only the middle of the day).

But there was no other way than following her invitation. My whole body was magnetically drawn to her work.

Her class reflected her mind, and blew mine. During that hour-long barre, I felt little shocks of enlightment going all the way through my body. While it took me everything to just follow along and catch all the steps, there was something deeply calming and organic in how Evelyn built the progression of exercises and how that progression went into my aching body. Her hands-on corrections were a relevation - mostly because of the effortlessness that she guided me into and that was unknown to me; how she cued me to let go of gripping and tension and let all joints just fall into their sockets. For all my life, I have always “muscled” through everything, ballet or otherwise. I always had this experience of myself as tall, and strong, and therefore needing all the power and strength I could summon to move. And now, here was this petite woman showing me a completely different side of myself. The profound ease in her concept of moving the body shook me to the core.

I joined her barre on two other occasions. These few classes were instrumental in the realization that I had to make a cut and fundamentally change something about how I approached movement and training for it. At least if I wanted to find a way to move without pain, and for as long as I loved it. Even though I only got a glimpse of how it could feel to move in a new way, I knew 100% that there was no going back.

And then, just like she had appeared, Evelyn disappeared again.

There must be a different wayShe stopped renting the studio for her conservatory. I didn’t see her anywhere else again. And then I left Toronto for the whole summer.

One consequence of this almost spiritual experience was that I completely took a break from ballet for two months. This was also encouraged by another teacher of mine who suggested that I needed to let go of all the “hard-working” movement pattern that had compressed my SI-joint and screwed up my pelvic alignment, eventually culminating in debilitating pain.

As I took a step back over the summer, I started reflecting how I wanted to move forward. After what I had experienced in Evelyn’s classes, it was hard to imagine to just go back to my regular classes and do business as usual. At the core was my realization, a slight glimpse of hope, that there was a way to take my ballet abilities to a much higher level and quality, in a way that wouldn’t hurt my body. And in a way, as I had experienced from Evelyn’s corrections, it wasn’t even rocket science. In essence, her approach was very “simple”, informed by a deep and fundamental understanding of the human body. I felt that I was craving this more informed, more structured, and wholistic learing experience. Kind of like a pre-professional training, but one that acknowledged the more developed mind-body connection of an adult learner and included an almost metaphysical dimension.

Naturally, it came to my mind to ask Evelyn if I could learn more from her.

I mean I knew she was incredibly busy on the highest levels of Canadian ballet. There was no reason that she needed to spend time teaching someone who had started ballet at age 37 and who had no aspirations or hopes for a classic professional career (not sure if street performances would count).

But I very much believe that you need to follow these nudges. Even though I didn’t know her well at all, there was a felt connection of my story to hers, and the way that our stories informed our bodies. The potential of her movement experience felt exhilirating to me and I knew I could never forgive myself if I missed the opportunity to at least reach out to her and ask.

There was just one practical problem: I didn’t have any contact information.

The Connection OdyseeGranted, you would think that being the public figure that she was, it should have been easy for me to figure out a connection to her through my other ballet connections in Toronto. Ya, that’s what I thought, too.

But for god’s sake, I just couldn’t find a way!

I think partly I was very respectful of her privacy and didn’t just want to randomly ask people for her number or email address. One time I did try this, and the person responded a bit Candian-avoidingly-polite. I tried to reach her through her social media channels but she didn’t check her messages there.

Finally, I got over my shy self again and asked another person who was close to her (and it took me months of thinking about it, and a friend to tell me “yes, do it”), who responded she would be happy to help! It took another few weeks and a reminder, but then I finally had Evelyn’s email. I was beyond excited. I wrote a beautiful email that concluded with an open question whether she would be up for teaching me more and that I would be open to formats. I hit send and got all my hopes up.

Only to get NOTHING back. Zero.

At which point I gave up. At least I had tried my everything. I didn’t see any other viable option to reach out to her, and decided that there was nothing else I could do right now. I mean, also, I really was busy enough. I had returned to my old classes upon coming back to Toronto in the fall, moved to a new apartment, struggled with another severe SI-joint pain episode that required all my healing attention for months, and well, Canadian winter and stuff.

Late winter came, and things started easing up a bit.

While I was still taking my old classes, the break over the summer had done its job. Since then and over the previous months, I had managed to start making little changes to how I created turnout in my body, together with other biomechanical shifts. My pain started to subside, and I was having fun being in my body again. My new apartment had become an incredibly beautiful and nourishing home, and this particular Canadian winter turned out being not too bad.

One day, after a particularly nice class at InStudio (which is a wonderful adult ballet studio that runs its classes in the beautiful space of the National Ballet of Canada) and a good stretch afterwards, I was ready to leave the studio and bike home. As I pushed the studio door open -

Evelyn Hart stood right in front of me.

The Ballet Gift of COVID-19I still remember that second of sheer disbelief, before we fell into a big hug. We enjoyed the pleasant surprise and while holding her hands the whole story of how I had tried to reach out to her burst out of me. She said she never received my email (thanks Universe! Just when I needed you.) and gave me her number. She was about to coach one of the National Ballet’s principal dancers for her Juliet role, so we didn’t have much time to chat, but she encouraged me to re-send my email via text.

Which I did, the same day. She responded the same day. Turned out that she wasn’t running the conservatory any more, which was a bit of a bummer, because that would have been a viable option to join her training. But - she offered some other ideas for how we could get started. Just a little more patience, a few more weeks, early spring was the goal.

And then the world succumbed to Covid-19.

After the first shock over losing all my classes (and, well, shock over everything really), ballet-wise the situation turned out to be not that bad really. A true gift actually. Because while I was not able to take full classes, the practice of doing my training at home gave me the chance to breathe, slow down, do some high quality and highly specific work, in my own way, at my own pace. Really zooming in on the basics of turnout, weight transfer, and tracking of the leg. I am not exagerating when I say that I truly and thoroughly enjoyed the daily ritual of going up to my small ballet space, and completely sink into the work.

I felt so in tune with myself ballet-wise that I had almost forgotten about anything else out there. It wasnt’t until way into April when I fully realized that Evelyn had kind of disappeared again.

As I thought of reaching out to her once more, I felt the old inner resistance strike at me again. The resistance that thought I wasn’t worthy of getting professional-level training with someone so accomplished. Especially not in these state-of-emergency times, how could I even think of such a luxury.

Plus - no studio space anywhere. I mean I had a pretty good barre space at my place, but I couldn’t invite her home during the shutdown, and I didn’t expect her to be much of an online person.

But a less flimsy and more “get it done girl“-minded part of my self got a hold of my phone and texted her. Without any expectations in these exceptional times.

She texted back the next day.

We had our first class together about two weeks ago.

Getting to (Online) WorkTurned out she was playing Zoom like a pro.

Turned out her online teaching was just as profoundly powerful as her hands-on corrections.

Turned out that in a sense, I was about to learn ballet, really, for the first time.

We’ve had four classes together so far, and it feels almost awkward to admit that I have rarely felt this kind of bliss in my life. It’s hard to explain. It’s by far not any glamorous work that we do. It’s the type of work where the plan is to do a barre, and then for a full 1.5 hours, we only get to tendus from first. And we didn’t even do pliés. It’s the type of uncompromising quality that I live for and that makes me feel like I barely need anything else in my life. And all this being facilitated by a guide who has lived through it, who doesn’t have to prove anything, and who lovingly brings me back to “uncompromising” whenever my pelvic alignment slips away or the ball of my femur is not perfectly centered in the hip joint.

Oh, and it turned out that there is a major advantage to working online: I can take the exact same class the next day, and as often as I like. It’s fascinating how much more I catch when I watch the replay, pause it whenever I need more time to do it right, and listen to every nugget of ballet wisdom once again.

One aspect that has excited me originally about working with Evelyn was to take a step beyond “adult ballet”. Into “ballet”. I mean, this is one of the biggest drivers for me in my own learning, but also for what I am trying to create with Late to the Party Ballet: The idea that just because you started later doesn’t mean that you have to compromise on skill, movement quality or anything. To deconstruct what it means to create the appearance of a professional dancer, and what that in turn means on the most fundamental, neuro-muscular level. Because the brain, and the body are highly plastic and formable way into old age, but the challenge is really in understanding HOW to bring that kind of profound change about. I knew that Evelyn would be able to give me some key ideas here, in a way that speaks to me.

But I am starting to understand that her work goes even beyond the traditional ways of “ballet”.

Getting out of your Body’s way and Letting it Fall into PlaceIt breaks with the belief that you have to “bully” your body into shapes and positions over many years in order to achieve the desired athletic and aesthetic results. I’d describe her approach more as: How can I step out of my own ways in order to achieve the desired athletic and aesthetic results? How can I make it easier for my body to get there? What are the movement pathways that I need to understand? How can I use as little muscle as possible to create a specific pose or movement? A lot of it reminds me of very universal movement work approaches like Feldenkrais. That explains why we can easily spend one or two hours on a preparatory exercise and tendus. Because it’s not really about tendus - it’s about learning where the hip joint sockets are and how the ball of the femur needs to be positioned and moving in them. How this can happen without involving any movement from the pelvis at all, and I mean not even the slightest one. How does the heel need to track when the leg moves out, how do you point your feet, how do you let go of any tension in the toes. Even these four classes that I had with her so far easily have material for months of explorations.

The interesting thing is that I have been aware and worked on these key ballet concepts for a long time, and I am absolutely humbled by how much more and better is possible. I mean, SO MUCH better. Evelyn’s experience and wisdom is so rich in showing me the pathways into all these bone mechanics. And it’s fascinating time and again to experience how quickly the nervous system jumps into place - even now, after those four classes and some daily “homework” my pelvic alignment has changed already. With some tissue self-release, I was able to open up the right joint capsule. Which only confirms to me that it’s really the work around movement patterns and tissue quality that needs to happen first, before you can add strength and mobility.

What I am enjoying so much: I don’t have any goals for these classes. I am not working towards any outcomes. I don’t know where it will take me, what I will learn, and for how long. There is a purposelessness in the work that I believe is the prerequisite for all higher skill-building. If you can find joy and reward in the simple and strictly uncompromising, you’ve already won at it.

Follow your instinct and make learning your best investmentMy biggest takeaways from this one-year odysee?

Always, always, always follow your gut instinct. There is not one “world’s best” teacher. You will gravitate towards different teachers at different stages of your ballet game. You might not necessarily find them in the typical adult ballet setting - so it’s worth keeping your eyes open outside of your usual studio classes. I believe that we are attracted to other people by our lifes’ stories, even when we don’t know much of them when we meet. And it’s so important to follow that attraction, to take that little voice seriously that says “try it, reach out, say that you would like to learn more from her” even if you are afraid that someone might say No. Maybe it won’t work out right away. (BTW, over the past few months I was also trying to take classes with another incredible teacher, and while it looked like it would work out, it hasn’t happend at all so far!) I think that my experience of connecting with Evelyn is such a beautiful illustration of it: She “appeared” when I was in deep pain and needed a glimpse of an idea for how to move differently; then she “disappeared” when I needed the time for my body to heal and let go of the pain, and then she finally “re-appeared” when I felt physically amazing and had distraction-free and peaceful time during quarantine (took me a while to get it, Universe, thank you!) That balance of letting go and trusting the process while persistantly staying at it is a tough one - not just when trying to connect with a ballet teacher.

And last - there is no reason why you should compromise and not work with the best teacher that you can think of at your particular learning stage. They’re not just for pre-professionals and professionals. Well, some maybe prefer to do just that and that’s ok. But it’s worth asking. And you’re worthy of asking. Because every learning endeavour is an investment of the most valuable things you’ve got: time, love, attention.

So you might just as well make that investment the best possible - and most uncompromising one.

So…this was my very personal take on ballet learning and following the call. What about you? Have you ever actively sought out a specific teacher because something about him or her spoke to you in an inexplicable way? Or is there someone you would like to work with but you’re not sure how to approach it? Feel free to speak your heart in the comments!

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Gentle approach vs. too careful goals? More thoughts from the quarantine at-home studio.

It’s one of the biggest self-imposed limitation of adult ballet:

The idea that an adult body is fragile and that you shouldn’t expect any outstanding ballet feats from it. That some things are solely the realm of teenage and 20something bodies. That a body older than that is destined to break if you lift your leg above 45 or 90 degrees. That it’s not worth pursuing a strong and resilient athleticsm, large ranges of motion, and that it’s best to take it easy if you don’t want to injure yourself. That certain movement are inherently not good for you, and you shouldn’t push too hard, but just kind of enjoy the meditative nature class. That you should be gentle in your expectations.

Or to say it in one of my reader’s words:

“Drives me crazy - like: “take it easy because you’re an ADULT and if you push yourself you’ll pull all your muscles at once, have a heart attack, and DIE““.

The tricky thing is that this “gentle” approach is actually sold as the more mature, more enlightened one! The underlying message: Letting go of any high-performance physical ambitions will give you peace and make you happy and healthy.

I believe we have a big missed opportunity here. I think this idea of “gentleness” is based on an unfounded fear that’s keeping us from a lot of fun - and it’s worth examining it a bit.

I think underlying the notion of having to be gentle and careful with our goals is the idea of the aging body that we have come to have nowadays. We think of it as inherently getting worse and “less” of everything: less resilient, less elastic, less strong, less quick, less worth looking at. We consider normal that an aging body has chronic issues, doesn’t properly heal, and just generally can’t be loaded too much if we don’t want it to break.

And if you’re happy with all this - totally fine! There is nothing wrong with 45deg arabesques.

But if you seek more, here is a friendly reminder: It’s not the nature of our bodies to deteriorate with age.

In fact, what we consider being a normal aging (=breaking down) process is simply a result of the dominant, sedentary lifestyle of our times. A high volume of scientific evidence, official exercise recommendations, physio-backed Dos and Don’t around movement - they all are based on a population that doesn’t load their bodies enough throughout a lifetime.

And because you only see breaking-down bodies around you, it’s easy to assume that it applies to everyone.

I don’t know about you, but that’s kinda depressing to me. And being involved in ballet, I think that a part of us has never bought into this narrative of physical decline. But it’s also a fact that we do not have a huge number of models for how it can be differently, so one important part of carving out our path is to identify and connect with the few who live it.

The other part is to actually change the narrative. And I hope this small article can make a tiny contribution to it.

So let’s take it on. Here are a few new premises I am proposing for a more physically bold stage of adult ballet:

1. Let’s accept that the breaking down of a body with age is not due to the age, but to the accumulation of repetitive stress and not enough movement load and variety of a whole life time. We actually now have enough evidence that “aging” processes in the body come from a combintion of a) non-use b) repetitive negative stress (physically and mentally) c) habitual muscle tension and d) toxins (including diet choices). Which is great news, because this empowers you to do something about it versus being a helpless victim of an inevitable aging decline.
2. We have placed “gentle” in the wrong place. Because, yes, there is a place for gentleness. But we have it backwards: We think that because of aging, it’s wise to lower our expectations for what our bodies can achieve at a certain age. We label that as being “gentle” towards ourselves, just “enjoying it” and “doing it for fun”. At the same time, we accept a lifestyle and habits that is the actual cause for aging and as such, not “gentle” at all. So I propose to turn it around: How about choosing a gentle approach to how you treat your body, ramp up your training, and structure your life - and then being open to results that are far beyond any “gentle” expectations?
3. Confusing “no pain no gain” as a requirement for outstanding results. This is essentially another way of looking at the premise above: We think that achieving outstanding results requires a ruthless and self-punishing regimen of training. That training pain is a measure of success. And because of that connection, no wonder that adult starters shy away from big flexibility, strength, and aesthetic goals! So the key is to understand that you can be self-compassionate and gentle in how you build up towards remarkable athletic and artistic feats - but that the feats themselves can take you to the moon.
4. Believing that it’s childish or irresponsible to work towards and dedicate a large amount of time, money, and energy to serious ballet goals. The false premise here is: Adult life = working, making money, taking care of family, and a bit of entertainment. This might go beyond the scope of this article, but I believe that we need new models for adult life, where making a living does not take up the majority of the day, when you have most energy for physical work. Where it’s a given that several hours per day need to be spent on a joyful movement practice at different intensities, because that’s what your body craves and was made for and thus will make you happy. Acknowledging these kind of innate and fundamental human needs for embodyment and expression - that is true gentleness.
5. We need to get in charge and say what we aspire. In any adult-specific ballet environment I have been to, despite the best teachers on earth, there was never much talk and work on high extensions, for example. There is rarely encouragement nor the tools to take your arabesque higher, or how to work on crazy high jumps. Or even how to perfect your tendu on a level that matches a professional dancer’s leg. Instead, it’s all about playing it safe, don’t do too much, keep it low, don’t sweat too much, smile at your spaghetti legs. I get it, teachers have all kind of abilities in class and need to make sure no one gets injured, but if we quietly accept this, things won’t change. There needs to be a conversation, and we as adult starters need to say something if we want to go beyond 90 degrees. I don’t know, maybe there is a fear of rejection, a fear that the teacher will think of us as deluded or incapable. In which case it helps to remind ourselves: Your body cannot NOT progress given the right input. It has incredible capacity to heal and restore itself. But you have to know what you want. I think here is also a case for investing in private and semi-private lessons, as well as “homework” (which many of us have gotten much better at during these quarantine times) time, because that will enable you to work more specficially and therefore more ambitiously.

I want to wrap this up with a text that my awesome guest writer Olivia (check out her article on how to live an almost semi-professional ballet life despite working full-time) sent me a while ago:

“Adults are smart, determined, and hard working. We can be a little impatient at times sure, but I think there are plenty of us who take this art form seriously and dedicate ourselves. Sure some dancers just want to have fun and aren’t super concerned with progress, and that’s fine. But I resent the notion that we are all doing this because we were looking for a cute and fun little exercise class. I don’t do ballet to work out. I work out so that I can do ballet! Adults can be taken as serious ballet students. And [adult ballet does] not have to be this niche thing where we need to be treated gently and can’t seriously work to improve.“

As with any self-imposed limitation taken down, letting go of the “gentleness epidemics” comes with a certain responsibility - but mostly, it will give us freedom. Freedom to explore more, to allow ourselves to invest more, to surprise ourselves more, and to enjoy more ❤

How’s your experience with challenging yourself vs. keeping it low? Where are you in the spectrum between “just there to move a bit” and “I’m going for Svetlana’s extensions”? What is an ambitious ballet goal that you have currently?

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That dude’s got turnout!

While you can work on all kind of different skills to get better at ballet, there is really only one that truly matters:

Once your turnout is working, in a secure, comfortable, and sustainable way, everything else ballet will fall into place more naturally.

At which point you may say “But I do! I stretch, and strengthen it every day.”

That’s great, especially if it’s working for you! Then you actually don’t need to read on, unless you still want to. But if you feel that strength and flexibility exercises are not really doing much to improve your turnout, I invite you to read on.

In fact, stretching and strengthening your turnout might actually be blocking it. Or worse, all your turnout training efforts might discourage you, and make you think that you just don’t have very much natural turnout. That you’re too old, and just can’t build it anymore. Maybe you’ve been (self-!)diagnosed with some sort of weird hip joint geometry that presumably won’t ever allow for much turnout.

Forget all that.

My Turnout Obsession StoryAt first, when I started ballet, I didn’t think much of turnout. I thought that it is just part of the art form, and to me it was simply a shape you had to make: Put your heels together and your toes out. I thought the more I would do it, i.e. the more classes, years, of ballet, the better it would get. But it didn’t, not really. I also noticed that there was a lot of contradictory opinions and recommendations out there. Teachers would say “turn out from the hip”. The International Association of Dance Medicine & Science would say “60% of turnout is from your hips, the rest is from knees and ankles”. Some people would recommend certain stretches. Others would urge you to stay away from these stretches. And when it came to which muscles should actually be activated in turnout, there were tons of different takes on that, from old school “squeeze your butt” to “relax everything except the deep external rotators” and everything in between.

For a long time, I swam on the pletora of information, until about a year ago, I started becoming obsessed with clearing the jungle. As so often, it was connected to my own story and experience: During a phase of intense rehearsals and lots of pointe work, I started having issues with my SI-joint, and despite lots of training, stretching and strengthening, I actually didn’t make the progress that I was used to. I started losing range, I felt tight and tense, and to be honest - it wasn’t very much fun to be in my body. I started getting the sense that my turnout was a bit the root of it all. Not because of turning out per se, but how I specifically created my turnout.

So going into the summer break last year, one of my teachers made a radical suggestion: Take the whole summer off.

At first I was a bit shocked, but after I while I got his point. And while I didn’t take the whole summer of, I did stop taking anything ballet-related for a full six weeks, the longest time since I started ballet. Turned out (haha) it was the best decision I could have made.

Not only because my body had a chance to rest and heal.

But because that break freed me up to look more deeply into what was going on in my body, with turnout, and everything related to it. I got the chance to explore and shed light without the presssures of daily class and rehearsal. From a place of curiosity, playfulness, and daily experimenting.

And as I was “fooling around”, and calming down, I started feeling an increasing sense of clarity. I remembered that I had this whole area of neuroplasticity in my toolbox. I also went back to re-read Moshé Feldenkrais’ work around functional integration.

As I was going to the gym every day and continued my explorations, I suddenly realized that we had it all backwards:

It wasn’t a lack of strength. The problem was also not turnout range.

It was all about the brain.

Turn Out From Your BrainIf the brain wasn’t properly activating the right muscles in the right sequence and at the right time for your turnout, then all stretching and strengthening would just reinforce the wrong things. In the best case, it would lead to nothing; in the annoying case, it would actually block you from using your full turnout; in the worst case, you would injure your hip joint, or lower back, or knee, or all of the above.

So there it was: I understood that developing turnout had to start with changing the brain.

This type of brain-changing work is very different from stretching and strength work. The biggest difference: You are not trying to hit the tissues. You are trying to hit the signals from the brain to the tissues.

It’s essentially what we also call building the proper movement pattern, improving movement quality or motor control.

I couldn’t find such training approach to turnout anywhere, so I started designing my own set of exercises. Some looked similar to “regular” exercises, but their execution was completely different. From all my obsession with neuroplasticity, I developed a set of principles for how to trigger the right changes in the brain as effectively as possible.

The Practical Side of the Brain-Turnout-ConnectionFrom neuroplasticity research we know that one big factor for lasting (“plastic”) changes in the brain is the so-called principle of “massed practice”, i.e. a very high number of repetitions within a short time. Therefore, some of the hallmarks of movement pattern exercises are:

• Very small loads: The idea is that throughout the high number of repetitions, the muscle tissue should not fatigue at all.
• Start from your current ability: The brain needs to feel a contrast between where you are and where you want to go.
• Small amplitudes: Think of it as very small trials around your current ability: Your “testing” thousands new directions, until one of them clicks.
• State of relaxation: You need to optimize your brain physiology for learning by reducing stress neurotransmitters (blocking learning) and activating your reward centers.

I came back from the summer, and went back to take classes again. While my body felt so much better, I could still issues with my SI joint come up. I played it by the ear, I backed off from taking my regular schedule of classes and did only what I could. But all the way through, I continued building my turnout pattern.

The ResultsUntil suddenly something clicked, and then something else, and then even more. Sometimes, it would be an audible click somewhere in my body. Sometimes I would wake up and go to class to feel something new activate around my turnout.

And I continue to experience changes. Even just recently, after another “click”, I was able to turn out my hip joint in a straddle position, something I was never able to do before (which had always limited by middle split progress, because my thigh bone couldn’t get out of the pelvis’ way).

NEW range (above) compared to OLD range (below). You can see it best at the foot position, but more importantly at the thigh (circled).

As a first outcome of my research and experimentation, I have just recently published a pattern-building system for turnout. So if you would like to dive more into this and get more support from me, take a look. You can also look at my Instagram - especially over the months of December 2019 and January 2020, I have shared many posts for turnout pattern-building and biomechanics. And if you have any questions around movement patterns and building them, don’t hesitate to reach out to me!

But if there is one thing I want you to take away from this: It’s not you, or your lack of strength, or a lack of natural turnout. You have the potential to develop your turnout, no matter how old you are and when you started ballet. Creating movement patterns is the first step in this, before any muscle growth, increase in strength, and flexibility. You will be surprised by the difference it can make when your turnout falls into place instead of having to wrestle it in there. Take a chance!

Is the concept of movement patterns new to you? Does it make sense? What are your beliefs and practices around building and maintaining turnout?

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And it’s another guest! This time I am so excited to introduce you to Andy, a 40+ male ballet dancer from the US. He reached out to me a few months back after he discovered my blog. His email really stood out to me because of how conscious and aspirational Andy was about his learning and getting better at ballet. Plus, I loved his story, how he came to ballet from an extensive military background and continues to push for more despite the challenges and resistance he is facing as a male dancer. I encouraged him to 1) get on Instagram (where he is and you can find him at @tourjete32) and 2) write up his story and experiences for a guest post on this blog! He did, and I hope it encourages all of you men to get into ballet as much as you want and all women to support their men and any men doing ballet.

Enter Andy!

I want to thank Patricia for letting me contribute a blog post - I was excited to find a blog discussing adults in ballet, and how they can improve at the challenging and rewarding art of ballet, even as they get older, battle injuries or may not get as much time in the studio as they would like.

My Story: From Military to BalletI started taking ballet in my late 20's after moving to St. Louis on an Army assignment. I had just been in Kuwait for 18 months with no break, and I finally had enough courage to try a class. I had seen the Nutcracker a couple of times and thought ballet could help with flexibility and be a different kind of challenge. After all, football and basketball players have long taken ballet to help with athleticism, plus it would let me meet some new people after moving to a new city.

I always felt I had really good coordination above the waist, but legs were a different story! I always played goalie in soccer games as a kid, since I could use my hands. I thought ballet would help with improving my arm-leg coordination, and it seemed to be a regimented, structured style of dance that I could see myself doing. Modern, jazz, ballroom - not so much.

My sister was into figure skating and gymnastics growing up - it would be on the TV and my father and I would make fun of guys who did those things, but I'm sure they were stronger and more athletic than I was, given that I was involved in mostly baseball, basketball and running during those years. As I get older I'm more amazed at what people are able to train their bodies to do, whether its dance, powerlifting, circus acts, or hitting 100 mph baseballs.

I never dated anyone in high school, at West Point or my Army years, so I admit that a small part of the reason I started class was that maybe it would be a way to meet women. That never happened, not even close, but it turned out that it didn't matter at all. Once I took my first classes, I just enjoyed the benefits of it, the chance to do something that wasn't entirely "guy stuff", and had fun trying to get better. And when you see great dancers, you see such a great combination of strength, balance, flexibility, coordination and expression - who wouldn't want to be able to do at least some of that?

Though a guy shouldn't have to do it, I did rationalize that I had enough "guy stuff" in my background, like commanding an Army company in wartime, to justify trying ballet. I think that tour gave me the confidence to give it a shot. Plus I was in a new city where I didn't know anyone anyway, so there was nobody to give me a hard time about it. That being said, to this day, I don't mention it to friends or family, unless it's someone I know will understand and respect the whole endeavor.

At the time in my late 20s, I enjoyed it, but didn't work at it very seriously outside of class. Ballet on Youtube hadn't really taken off yet, so there wasn't the plethora of tutorials and flexibility workouts that there are today. That's a missed opportunity that I regret - I had plenty of time and money available to improve, but I didn't make the most of it. I spent most of my effort on "Army fitness" - distance running, pushups, situps and such, which doesn't translate very well to ballet.

One year, just as I had jumped on ballet, I fell out of it again. I had a bad ankle sprain, then got married, and wasn't vocal in wanting to continue, so I stopped doing classes. Once in a while on business travel I would take drop-in classes, but nothing regular.

Four years ago, after taking my daughter to a Nutcracker performance by Alexandra Ballet, I realized I missed doing it. I decided to take class again - I had turned 40, and thought this was the time to dive into it, and see how much I could improve at it, before I got too old to try some of the more demanding jumps and so forth. It's possible there is a bit of mid-life crisis factor mixed in as well! With a tight schedule, I had to take classes at different places depending on when I could attend, so I've had a variety of teachers and schools. Combined with studios on business trips (mostly in DC area,) I've probably attended 25 or more studios.

Not so Different: The Love for Ballet, From a Male PerspectiveThere is so much I appreciate about ballet.

The challenge - it requires all you have - concentration, muscles, flexibility, timing, musicality. It's just you, the floor and the studio space - no equipment or opponent getting in your way.

I tend to try the "hard" things in life - like the decision to attend West Point, complete a full marathon, or to not be content with playing guitar and bass, but adding synthesizer pedals to play at the same time (like Geddy Lee or Sting). Even at West Point I took the Aerobic Fitness elective instead of the more laid back golf or skiing - and it involved a two-mile uphill run for time. I guess ballet is an extension of that.

It's amazing how good I feel after doing ballet - I've never had better stretch sessions than after class, ever. And the next day, even when there is some soreness, my back and legs feel like a million bucks.

It's a great feeling to improve at something this difficult, that most people never try. When you flail about on a combination, and then weeks or months later, you do it a lot better. Those "highs" keep me motivated and coming back for classes.

It may be the hardest thing I've ever attempted, and it's required consistent work, study and patience to get better. It's a great life lesson I'm just learning now... Teaching myself music came very easily compared to ballet. Progress tends to be slow, and not always linear, so it teaches you to try to get "1% better" in as many areas as you can. Here is a great analogy from another sport: The British cycling team broke down every aspect of cycling and tried to get 1% better in all those areas, and the aggregate result was enormous - several gold medals at the 2008 Olympics. I think that mindset lends itself so well to ballet, and makes the challenge more palatable, if you will. Think about your results if you could get your ankles and legs 1% stronger, balance 1% longer, use epaulement and the music 1% better, spot 1% better, get developpes 1% higher, and so on? And keep improving over time?

When the Wife Does Not Approve: Sticking With it, Against all OddsYes, there is also a lot I struggle with as an adult man doing ballet. My head often runs thoughts like:

"You're a guy in your 40s - what are you wasting time and money on ballet for? Just do golf and barbecue like normal guys."

"You'll never get very good - people who get very good at ballet take class every day for years, and have the experience of rehearsals, performances, summer intensives, and so forth. You are WAY past your prime, at least for ballet."

"You should be embarrassed, wearing tights, jumping around and looking foolish in class like that..."

"You'll never be able to do standard men's stuff, like double tours, triple pirouettes or turns a la seconde..."

"You have poor natural turnout and almost no backbend flexibility - even if you learn the steps you still won't look good doing ballet."

Also, I have to admit that lack of support from my wife is challenging to get around. She has said that she hates ballet in general, hates that I do it, says that it is gay and effeminate, and that having me do it embarrasses her. At one point she OK'd me going to class, but would not let me participate in Nutcracker a couple years ago, even though the studio asked me to participate. When we dated she came to watch part of my class, and seemed fine with it, but then thought it was just something silly that I attempted and got out of my system.

But any time I get caught in these negative cycles, I remind myself of the incredible treasure that ballet has become for me:

• The many supportive teachers who answer my questions, give me corrections after class, and suggest how I can improve.
• Also, seeing other people doing class, who are facing way more difficult circumstances than me - like a young woman battling early Parkinsons, a victim of a point-blank shooting a couple years ago that could have killed her, an adult student who is 85 and still doing intermediate adult classes, or the overweight, out-of-shape person who knows nothing about ballet but is still coming in and giving it a try. I've had all of these people in class with me recently.
• As for my wife, we plan to try some ballroom classes next year, so maybe that will make her more accepting of a husband that takes dance classes.

And really, just because you might be bad at something or not have the support from everyone around you doesn't mean you should stop doing it - if you join a running group and are slow, or someone does not approve of your running hobby, do you quit? No - that would be ridiculous. Do you stop going to the gym if you aren't very strong, and can't lift much? Of course not. Why should dance be different? Keep doing it, work at it, and try to get better.

My Message to Other Men Considering BalletSo to other men thinking about starting ballet, or already at it and feeling discouraged occasionally, I would like to say this:

It's not that big a deal - lots of guys take it for a whole host of reasons - injury rehab, sports, basic fitness, or an additional challenge to keep themselves physically and mentally sharp. Some classes I've taken have been 50/50 men and women, so a guy in class isn't a big deal. Granted, some studios are pink and frilly, but not all of them. And some men really like just doing class and improving at the art form. Whether you are into running, weights, or team sports, it will absolutely help. It's so good at helping you "find new muscles" and get strong in different areas. It will also humble you at first!

Do you have to wear tights? No - In the 25+ studios I've taken class in, none of them required adult men to wear tights. I usually do, because it really keeps you honest and not cheat. I have a tendency to not straighten my legs enough, and in baggy pants you can't tell. And it's easier for teachers to make corrections, and it shows some respect for the teacher and art form. But sweat pants or shorts are fine, too, if you feel more comfortable.

Ask around at different studios, if you have several to pick from. They can point you to the right class based on experience and goals. Try different teachers. Also, don't expect a whole lot of social interaction - people are generally focused on getting ready for class, and not a lot of small talk. I've made a few casual friends and acquaintances along the way, but I would not take class for social reasons. You take class to work and learn! And I've cringed watching another guy try to get a woman's contact info before class, and get summarily rebuffed.

My Ballet Dreams and AspirationsAs for me, despite all the challenges and social repercussions of learning ballet as a male dancer, I can't help but keep going and aspire for more. There are so many things that I want to improve and experience:

• For instance, learn longer combinations, or be in a performance/recital in some way. I'd love to work on a longer combination over several weeks, rather than just doing different short combinations each week, where you may only do them once or twice in class.
• I want to see how much better I get doing a combination 40-50 times instead of only a few times.
• I want to become a turning machine - be able pirouettes into a la seconde turns, and then finish with pirouette. That would be cool! First things first though, learn consistent doubles....
• I am curious to try pas de deux some time, at least the basics.
• And last, I would like to do some kind of RAD/Cecchetti exam - it would be nice to achieve something official in ballet, even if I never set foot on stage. There aren't any of these schools in my area, though, so I will have to get creative about this.

Let’s connect!I'm happy now to be on Instagram (@tourjete32), so drop by and say hi! It's encouraging to see so many adults pursuing ballet and sharing their tips, photos and accomplishments. Let’s all keep going and encourage the men as well as women around us!

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Work hard, but play even harder: How to overcome pointe fear. (Hint: Always follow the emergency exit signs :-D)

Taking pointe classes is one thing - but what can you do so your first one is off for a good start? And how do you progress systematically, and transition from barre to center with confidence?

We have covered how pointe work is like a competitive sports, far outside of human movement patterns - it requires a high skill level, a body that is well prepared, and regular extra care. Now, that you have green light and/or decided to go for it - what can you do to prepare for your first class? And if you have been at it for a while, how can you boost your progress? How can you model the steady development on pointe that is typical for teenage girls?

Spoiler alert: It’s NOT just about strength, so this article won’t just feed you with feet strengthening exercises. Simply because: Especially for adults learning pointe, there are other very important factors for for successful pointe progress. Actually, two more. Ha. Now you’re wondering what they are. Ok. So I’ll give you all three now, and then in the following, we will expand, discuss, and look at exercises/habits/best practices for each one. So here they are, in a nutshell, the three components of pointe progress boosting when you start as an adult:

1. Adapting feet to pointe shoes
2. Foot strength, mobility, and coordination
3. Overcoming the fear of dancing on pointe, especially off the barre

Let’s dive in!

1) Letting Your Feet Adapt to Pointe ShoesPointe shoes are amazing for what they are supposed to do. At the same time, to be able to do that - support your body weight on the tips of your toes - they need to be quite a challenge for your feet. Remember that maybe for the first time in your life, you are wearing hard-shell shoes that have no right and left. In essence, even with pointe shoes that are a perfect fit for you, you run around in foot-squeezing, anatomy-disregarding, and articulation-inhibiting boxes. While you still need to do all the things that you are doing in soft shoes! And, in the case of adults, the feet are fully grown and bones fully formed. So there is not much give and take!

But, as with everything, the body is adaptable and resilient. And if you go smart about it, you can build a great foot-pointe shoe relationship. As with any great relationship, it’s good to not rush it, and to consciously keep working at it. So what can one do to support the process?

• Get your shoes well in advance of your first pointe class and start walking in them at home. Not on pointe - wear them like house shoes. Start with a few minutes at a time, and gradually increase every day. This way you will build resilience at the pressure points between foot and shoe. Try a bit demi-pointe work. In theory, if you know what you are doing, you can also get up on pointe as well in order to start desensitizing your toes - but there is also a point to wait with that until you had your first classes.
• Floore barre exercises in pointe shoes: This is a great way of working the foot in the shoe, i.e. pointing, demi-pointing, and dorsi-flexing without your bodyweight on the shoe. My fav one is a simple Theraband-pointing exercise in pointe shoes. Very humbling!
• Once you have started classes and have progressed a bit, start doing barre in pointe shoes. You don’t have to do anything on pointe - the idea is just to work everything against the much higher resistance of the pointe shoe: tendues, pointing, even standing on flat will challenge your balance so much more. I just want to add that I wouldn’t recommend taking all of your classes/barres in pointe shoes - I agree with all the teachers who see a long-term benefit in doing barre in your regular soft shoes, to really work and feel full articulation of your foot. But if you are taking 3-5 classes per week, there is probably no harm in doing 1-2 barres in pointe shoes.

2) Strengthening, Mobilizing, and Differentiating Your FeetThe first thing that comes to mind when thinking about pointe work is: that you need super strong feet. And that is true. But in reality, dancing on your toes requires a completely different coordination of your feet (actually of your whole body, but in this article, I want to keep the focus on the feet). For example, your toes, usually used as a bunch in everyday life and to some extent, also in your regular soft shoes, now have the job of pushing your whole body weight up, and that requires them to be much better innervated (=more nerve connections to the brain), and capable of new movement skills. I would even go as far to say, they need to be differentiated one by one. So preparing and supporting pointe work is not only about the total strength generated by your foot and toes, but also about increasing movement quality of the different components of the foot.

So what is a budding pointe ballerina to do?

• Strength work: Since the vast majority of dancing on pointe is some sort of variation of being on pointe on two legs, coming on and down from pointe, and stepping on pointe - this needs to be reflected in any kind of strengthening work. This should include slow- and faster paced releves on two legs, later on one leg as well. Releves both from plie as well as straight legs, and from demi-pointe. The key is proper execution - so you need to work with a mirror, and have a teacher see and correct your work as often as possible. The key is frequency: In order to see progress, you need to be on pointe at least three times a week, and get enough repetitions. So if you are taking one pointe class per week, you could add your releves after that class, and, for instance, do half an hour of releve work after your regular classes at least another two times per week. If you can’t use a studio/barre/mirror, even holding on to a wall or counter works. If you don’t have a mirror, record yourself from the front and side to check for any sickeling and other issues.
• Foot mobilizing work can be really simple: Start by rolling out the foot with a tennis ball, then passively stretch into pointe and demi-pointe/turn/bend/twist in all directions, separate and stretch your toes. Add the same kind of all-direction work actively, i.e. without your hands.
• Differeniating/innervating work: The piano exercise is great for building neural connections and mapping your toes separately in your brain. I also like to do a few repeitions of toe abduction, as this a a movement skill and quality that is often under-developed (and can even lead to foot issues) - the article that I am linking below shows it done with a hair elastic, which is a great idea, or you can just wrap a Theraband around your big toe and abduct against it. I would also like to include Theraband-pointing exercises here, because they are more than strengthening exercises: You can really work on the quality of pointing, not only on the brute force (although that is the goal, too!): Can you push down the band with straight toes? (Btw - I am a proponent for curling your toes when pointing - but for the purpose of building your toes for pointe work, the focus would be on keeping them straight when pushing into the band.) Can you keep the toes next to each other (without overlapping) when pushing? Other exercises would include doming and the hand towel exercise. You can find many of them and more in this illustrated article, or just Google the key words.

3) Overcoming FearMaybe that is actually the biggest challenge for people learning pointe as adults: It’s scary to be up that high, on such a small base of support. Because you’re taller than the average child, and the taller you stand, the lower you can fall, right? Humor aside, I think it is one of the biggest factor that keeps adults from reaching child-like skill levels, even generally. It’s not that their brains are not capable of it, or that their bodies can’t take it - it’s simply fear of falling, and of embarassment!

Now here is the thing. There is this mentality of “just going for it”, i.e. pushing through the fear and just doing it. While it sounds very heroic and makes for great stories, it might not lead to the best possible learning outcome.

Because let’s remember what fear is: A very natural response of your brain to unknown and potentially risky situations. It’s a protective mechanism - in our case, protecting you from going nuts, breaking bones, and embarassing yourself in front of others. The perceived riskiness is not an inherent trait of the situation - it’s based on your brain’s evaluation of the situation.

Now, the problem with just pushing through this fear is that your body is in a stress response. Even if it’s a mild one - the body shuts down certain functions and armors up to deal with the threat of being and moving on pointe. This, in turn, means that you will tense up more than you should, and that the neurotransmitter cocktail in your brain is not very conducive for learning. While it might feel like an accomplishment, pushing through the fear mainly just got you through the fear!

So - how to deal with that? I think that you need to break down any scary move into digestable components. Which can mean:

• Slow it down
• Decrease the amplitude of the movement
• Separate it into smaller pieces

This might not always, actually very rarely, be possible during your go-to pointe class, because the exercises will have a certain shape and pace. So I think it’s essential to work on your own. I would say it’s more play than work, you can do it quite unstructured. The brain loves play, that’s when it learns best! So let’s say you’re scared of doing piqué turn diagonals on pointe. The break down would be: 1. Simply stepping on pointe right in front of you. 2. Stepping into a piqué with other leg in coup de pied. 3. Stepping into a piqué with the other leg in retire. (Maybe add the ronde de jambe to second if you are learning the piqué as a step to the side) 4. Doing several of the previous along a diagonal. 5. Stepping into a piqué retiré and adding an 1/8 of a turn. And then, subsequently adding more of a turn until you get to a full one, and then doing several of these in a row. And you can start all of this at the barre, or in front of a wall, if you don’t feel comfortable in the center yet. You can do all of this very slow. And very small. And then increase the pace and range of motion. This is not about a specific number of repetitions - do whatever you need to be as comfortable as possible. Be happy about miniscule progress, applaud yourself mentally (or really if you want). Keep feeling, sensing what you need to feel good. The brain loves self-acceptance and self-support when learning!

So, in summary - you need extra time, outside of your regular classes, in order to progress smoothly and consistently on pointe. And don’t forget that improvement and confidence also comes from repetitions, experience, and time - so the longer you are at it, the more comfortable you will become on pointe. Sounds simple, but it’s easy to forget after a maybe frustrating class! Pointe work is high-end work, and just attempting to learn and get better is quite the achievement. Keep going and enjoying!

Where are you on your pointe work journey? Which of the three areas comes most easy to you, and which challenges you the most?

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It’s a guest! I am so happy to introduce you to Olivia, a highly dedicated and smart adult ballerina who caught my attention on Instagram: Her thoughtful posts and comments. Her commitment to ballet excellence while refusing to accept that there are limits to what adults can achieve. All that and her interesting ways of integrating workout time into a full-time work and social life make her a great fit for this blog! So I reached out to her. When I asked if she would be up for sharing her ways of doing in a guest article, she was immediately game for it. I hope you enjoy her thoughts as much I did!

Enter Olivia:

I was thrilled when Patricia asked me to contribute to her blog, which has become an invaluable resource for adult ballet dancers. In many ways, ballet is my life. I live and breathe dance, and my after-work ballet classes are often the highlight of my day. It didn’t always used to be this way—it took several years of trial and error to find the role ballet should play in my life, all the while balancing school, a fulltime job, and other “adult responsibilities.”

How does ballet become such an integral part of your life as an adult? And how do you deal with a world that thinks you’re crazy for taking class and working out every day? Patricia has asked me to reflect on these questions and share

• ways in which I’ve built ballet into everyday life,
• how I’ve taken responsibility for my own training, and
• how I maintain a social life and deal with people who question my high commitment to training and the many classes per week.

While I’m certainly not the greatest dancer or the most prolific adult ballerina Instagrammer, I do hope that by sharing my best practices I am able to help some of you find that coveted ballet-life balance!

When you don’t love it anymore, quit. – My ballet storyAdult ballerinas often fall into one of two camps – those who started ballet for the first time as adults, and those who danced in childhood/adolescence but took significant time away from the art form. I am in that latter group. I danced ballet from the ages of 5 to 15, six of those years in relatively serious training (I was never full time). I danced en pointe and had the opportunity to join my school’s junior company, which allowed me to perform in show cases and take on small roles in The Nutcracker. Ballet took up 90% of my free time for many years. And then I quit. For a decade. A number of factors pushed me away from dance—my father was very sick; advanced classes in school kept me up at night with homework; other extra curriculars consumed me—but the biggest reason was that I simply burned out and fell out of love with dance. At the time, quitting was the right decision for me. Ballet can be an expensive and all-consuming activity, so if you aren’t really in love with it, it may be time to take a break. I don’t regret quitting, but I do regret taking so long to come back.

I'm the one in the hot pink tutu, with the gummy smile and the dramatic and unnecessary hands. Yeah, I liked ballet.

I took a couple of ballet classes in college, but it didn’t last. For one, I pulled a hamstring soon after restarting. The injury was serious and necessitated another break from dance, but if I’m being honest, I used the injury as an excuse to stave off my “real” return. My first classes back did not meet my expectations – everything was a struggle, and clearly my muscle memory had failed me. I knew at one point I had danced seriously and could, you know, do stuff, but I really didn’t want to start from the bottom up again. Generally speaking, adults are bad at being bad at things.

Well, almost exactly 10 years after quitting in high school, I decided to swallow my pride and take a beginner’s class. And as they say, the rest is history.

1. Finding the sweet spot: How many classes should I take and how?When I came back to dance, I started off slow, only taking one or two classes per week. I remember overhearing some women in the locker room talking about how you really need to take 3-4 classes per week to see real progress. At the time I thought, “well, how the hell do you do that?” You also might be thinking the same thing.

They key for me has been to start slow, but be consistent. If you’re starting ballet from the beginning, there might not be too many classes available to you at your level. I am blessed to belong to a studio that has several classes each week for 4-5 levels, but I know that’s not everyone’s reality (more on this later).

There’s no magic number for how many classes or hours of ballet you should take per week, because at the end of the day, it’s a very individual thing. That being said, If you want to improve, you probably do need at least 2 classes per week each week. I have found that currently my “magic number” is 4-5 classes/week. Fewer than that and I feel unfulfilled. More than that and I have difficulty recovering sufficiently. This number may change over time –part of being an adult ballet dancer is to constantly evaluate your progress/health and figure out what works best for you at that moment in time.

As an adult, you probably don’t have student evaluations like teenagers do to get feedback on your dancing progress. If you want to improve, it’s up to you to talk to your teachers about your level of dance, what you should work on, etc. If you only have time to take one or two classes a week, it’s important to make those classes count!

Make sure your time in the studio is your time. Of course, socialization is a fun part of any ballet class, but remember that you’re ultimately there to work. Pay attention to the teacher. Try not to let any “outside thoughts” creep in while you’re dancing. Write down your corrections after class. Save the chit-chat for some post-class coffee. Regardless of how you ultimately do it, try to absorb as much during class as you can.

1. The key to progress: Your training outside the studioWhat you do outside of class matters just as much as what you do during class. As I mentioned, some of you, for whatever reason, might not have the ability to take several ballet classes per week. For you, consistency is especially important (better to go each week than multiple times in sporadic bursts), and so is what you do outside of class.

Cross-training is essential. Mandatory, in my opinion. Old standbys like Pilates, yoga, and gyro are perfectly suited for dancers, but I’m of the belief that you can make any workout benefit your dancing. I personally love weightlifting. I also do Pilates twice a week, ride stationary bikes, and do some sort of turnout/floor barre/conditioning workout almost every single day. All in all, I’d say I fit in 8-10 hours of exercise each week in addition to the 6-8 hours of ballet.

Now, the caveats here are that I am a crazy person obsessed with working out, and I also don’t have kids or many responsibilities outside of working full time. Still, I am meticulous about my schedule. I plan out all my workouts/ballet classes a week in advance. I get in an extra conditioning workout during my lunch hour. I forego socializing during lunch and happy hours after work to get all my workouts/classes in. I recognize that not everyone wants to/can do this, but I still believe that regardless of how much you want to exercise, planning ahead and sticking to that plan is key.

My advice is to figure out ahead of time what muscles you need to work, what your weak areas are, etc., and dedicate time each week to work on them. Put it in your calendar. Set an alarm. Do what you need to do. And again, if you’re new to cross-training or working out, start slow. Better to do a little something each week than to do a lot and then burn out and stop.

Example of my week-ahead ballet planning (I always do my schedule in Korean).

What you eat also matters. Patricia has already written a great post here on the adult ballerina body, so I won’t attempt to further contribute to that discussion. I’m also not a dietician, so I won’t provide specific diet advice either. All I will say is that you should think of food as fuel for your body. If you eat garbage all the time, chances are you will feel like garbage all the time. No, you’re not a professional dancer and don’t need to worry about weighing a certain amount or eating a specific diet, but you do need to take care of yourself if you want to improve.

1. Turn competitors into friends: Making ballet your community

Me and my besties Raquel (left) and Tanya (middle). Fun fact-- Tanya (middle) and I are together so often that people thought we were sisters.

Once you’ve figured out your schedule both in and out of the studio, the next step in ensuring “ballet-life balance” is to make the ballet world your community. When I first returned to dance, I was pretty asocial and did not make much of an effort to get to know other dancers. Slowly but surely, I connected with dancers who felt the same way about ballet that I did, and this made a huge difference in my motivation.

Making friends with other dancers was intimidating at first, but I’m glad I pushed through my own discomfort because the results have been totally worth it! It might sound silly, but dancewear was the ultimate bonding tool for me. Believe me when I say that nothing brings people together more than a shared obsession with online shopping. My friends and I like to joke about how in the beginning we didn’t really like each other (because we are competitive people and were a little jealous of each other’s dance abilities). Now we consider each other not just our biggest competitors, but our biggest fans. Seeing my friend nail a triple pirouette fills me with simultaneous envy and pride. The lovely thing about dance friends is that you can use them as motivation to improve, but also rely on them for much-needed emotional support.

I look forward to my weekly post-class coffees with my besties, during which we discuss that week’s classes in what I swear is a minute-by-minute breakdown. Having dance friends helps validate my feelings towards dance. After all, who else can understand the desire to spend so much time, effort, and money on something that is decidedly not your job? (Plus, because I’ve got my girls, it saves my magnificent, awe-inspiring boyfriend from having to listen to two hours of ballet chat each night.) [Ed. note: Boyfriend’s edit :-)]

I didn’t have many ballet friends growing up, and I think that was a major factor contributing to the burnout I experienced as a teen. And while it’s great to have friends in real life, Instagram can also be a wonderful place to find other adult ballet dancers. The adult ballet community, be it IRL or online, is wonderfully supportive and diverse. Going through something that I know my friends are going through, too, helps keep me motivated, even during times of frustration. Approaching new people can be scary, especially in the seemingly tight-knit world of dance, but remember that you stand among people who love dance as much as you do. And though you might find the occasional dance snob here and there, most people are more than happy to welcome you to their circle.

1. “But can’t you just skip class tonight?” – Interacting with non-dancersNow that we’ve discussed the importance of finding other like-minded dancers, it’s time to address your non-dancer loved ones, coworkers, peers, etc. This, I’ve found, is one of the most challenging aspects of being an adult dancer. Ballet is different from most adult hobbies in that in order to improve, you generally need to consistently attend class several times a week. Unlike Yoga or spin class, you can’t just sporadically drop in a few times a month. Ballet demands your time, and we’re all too happy to give in to its demands. So where does that leave everyone else?

While I’d say the vast majority of people I interact with are impressed with the dedication I give my “hobby” (for lack of a better term), it can still be a challenge to justify my love for ballet to non-dancers. I’ve heard everything from accusations of Stockholm Syndrome , to gasps of shock when I despair over the cost of pointe shoes, to “but can’t you just skip class tonight?”. I get it, I do. Most adults don’t spend 8+ hours a week on one specific hobby, especially one as physically demanding as ballet. But at the same time, it can be frustrating to repeatedly assure others that 1) no, I am not in a cult, and 2) I understand that I had class yesterday, but I also have it today!

The ballet-life balance differs from person to person. In most occasions, I will not skip class to go to happy hour, but you might – and that’s ok! The most important part here is that you set expectations with your non-dancer friends, coworkers, etc. ahead of time so that they know that you’re not just blowing them off in favor of your “hobby.” I let everyone know my dance schedule ahead of time, and at this point, most of my friends know that my refrain to their social invitation will be, “No, I have class.” I set the same expectations with my boyfriend (fortunately as a couple of introverts who have been together for 6 years, this is a non-issue).

I am very, very lucky to have supportive friends and colleagues. My boyfriend is always encouraging me to dance as much as I want to and is the first one to set up a foot bath for me or buy me a new leo when he stops by Yumiko in NYC. Many of my friends and coworkers have told me that they admire my devotion to ballet, some lamenting the fact that they wish they had continued an activity they once loved doing back before they became adults .

But what about those who aren’t so supportive? I’ve been asked, “But what are you hoping to get out of ballet if you’re not professional?” and “Why can’t ballet just be a hobby and not a passion?” I’m sure many of you have been on the receiving end of these and similar questions, and I admit, it can be hard not to get defensive. In times like these, I like to remember how lucky I am to have a passion outside of my work (even though I love my job too). I’d argue most adults don’t have that. Also, remember that ballet is a different beast because of the physical, mental, and emotional demands it exacts. You’ve got to really love the process, or you’ll burn out. At a certain point, you’ve just got to stop caring about what people think of you. While I don’t believe you need a specific body type to do ballet, you’ve definitely got to have the mental strength to do it.

Conclusion

To recap, here’s what I believe you need in order to make sure ballet stays a meaningful part of your life:

1. Figure out how much time you want to dedicate to class each week and stick with it (as best you can). Remember that consistency is key. The “a little a lot is better than a lot a little” sentiment applies. Be present during class; take notes after.
2. Use your time outside the studio in meaningful ways. Stay in shape and watch how you fuel your body.
3. Build a community around your dance life, in IRL or online. Having dancer friends will save you from burnout, keep you motivated, and make ballet all the more rewarding.
4. Set expectations with non-dancers ahead of time. Let them know when you’ve got dance and stick with the schedule you’ve set. Ultimately, you need to decide when you want to prioritize dance over having a social life (and when you don’t)! Stop caring about what others think of your passion and commitment.

I hope this was helpful to those of you struggling to find your own perfect ballet-life balance. All you adult ballet dancers are a constant source of inspiration for me and I look forward to seeing this community grow! If you have questions or need an ear, find me at @bunheadlivi on Instagram.

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Quantitity over anything, when it comes to a good fitting (point no. 1). Shoes were laid out and prepared for me before I even came in (pointe no. 5). Although I violated point no. 9 here: I did a mixed Gaynor and conventional shoe fitting. Gaynors won in this case.

I strongly believe that your very first fitting can have a massive impact on your experience of starting pointe work. Just as subsequent re-fittings are key to how you develop from there!

Sadly, it’s not uncommon that an adult’s experience of being fitted is not as good as it could be, and/or doesn’t bring the hoped-for outcome: To find a perfectly suitable shoe, so you can start learning pointe with confidence and joy! I have talked to SO many adults, both IRL as well as in my amazing group of Instagram friends, and have witnessed many frustrations and endless finding-the-perfect-shoe sagas. The challenge is that you don’t necessarily know how a good fitting and a perfect should feel when you go for the first time, so even if you come out with a shoe, it might not be necessarily the best one for you (and you’ll only find out later).

BUT, all is not lost! Many others have had great fitting experiences, and fitters are getting more and more experienced with fitting adult pointe starters.

While there is no guarantee that you will score the best possible shoe during a fitting, there are ways to ensure that you will most likely be successful.

Ever since starting pointe three years ago, I have had about 8 major fittings (including the first one), and probably about 10-15 “small” ones. Major fittings would be to me when you are trying to find your first pair ever, or a new shoe different from the previous one (re-fitting); whereas a small fitting would be when you just want to re-purchase the same model (with the exact same parameters) you had before. All these fittings were in different stores across two continents.

Let’s start with: the difference between stores is tremendous. And these very different experiences have taught me a lot about what makes a great fitting different from an ok-ish one, or one that is not good at all. I am also going to add that I am tall and have a large foot (European size 42 (7.5-8), or 11 to 11.5 womens US), which is an additional challenge in a world that caters to a much smaller average ballerina size.

I think that one of the general fitting challenge for adult pointe starters is that many stores have not had much experience with fitting adults in the past, when it was mainly pre-professional young girls who went on pointe. And while a lot is similar, there are also clear differences between fitting a pre-teen/teen and an adult. Adults come with a fully formed and longer foot, larger body height and weight, but possibly less developed technique/strength than a young girl who has been in a pre-professional environment for a few years. So all that means is that the foot shape variety is higher, the load on the shoe larger, while the ability of supporting yourself in the shoe may be not as strong yet. So ideally, the fitter needs to adapt their fitting strategy, and possibly shoe inventory, in order to serve adult dancers as good as possible.

The key is: We, as adult dancers, need to take responsiblity. As one professional dancer friend used to say to me: Your pointe shoes are your instrument, and as such need to fit absolutely PERFECTLY. Not just kind of. Anything that is “off” with your shoe will compromise your learning, comfort, security, and expression on pointe. And since there is a growing number of us adult pointe students, we have more and more of a voice (and buying power) in what is being sold to us! By expressing our needs, and addressing fitting issues to stores, we can let them know what works for us, and together co-create fitting experiences that are a win for everyone.

Therefore, let’s start the conversation! In the following, I’ll list the 10 main points that have made a fitting truly great for me and others, as well as No-Gos that are better avoided. Feel free to add your points in the comments, or on Instagram. Any additions from teachers and fitters are absolutely appreciated, too!

1. The more, the better!This is not necessarily true for everything in life, but in the case of trying on pointe shoes, YES PLEASE. I have heard from and seen adults that have tried under 10 different shoes in a fitting. That’s not a very likely path to success. Unless you are extremely lucky, and it happens, but usually there is no way that you can find the perfect shoe among so few options. I talked to the fitter in my go-to store in Munich/Germany, and she said she usually lays out around 150 pairs for someone who gets fitted for the first time. That does not mean 150 different models; it does include slightly different sizes, widths, or shanks of the same model. That’s fine, because it’s still a different shoe from the foot’s point of view. It also doesn’t mean that you are actually trying on 150 different shoes in a fitting; in my first fitting, I tried around 50 pairs. The 150 pairs are simply a pool from which the fitter can start approximating from (meaning if a model doesn’t work at all, then the 10 other pairs with half a size more or less and different widths/shanks get eliminated right away. The way we work is that from the big pile, we narrow it down to the top 6-8, from there to the top 3-5, then top 2 and then the DECISIVE MOMENT.

I personally prefer stores that carry a wide selection of brands vs. brand stores that only have their own models - especially for the first fittings, when you are still searching for your favorite brand.

So: What if your store doesn’t offer this kind of large selection? I get it. Because, let’s face it, most don’t, and there are also economic considerations. Especially if you have a large foot, or if your foot is in some other ways “weird”. I know that I am very blessed to have stumbled upon a store that does (it even has, brace yourself, a larger selection of Gaynor Minden shoes than the actual Gaynor Minden Boutique in New York City!). So first of all, if you are around Munich/Germany, you should go (I am NOT an affiliate - I am simply recommending because every adult dance should have this kind of experience!). If not: Try to get to multiple stores, if possible. This also means, start looking for pointe shoes some time in advance before you actually need them, so you don’t have to rush the process.

1. Appointment only, please, and LOTS of time.I don’t get why some stores still don’t make appointments for a pointe shoe fitting. I mean, a fitting is such a highly personalized and concentration/precision-requiring thing - you just don’t want any distractions, neither for the fitter nor the fittee (new word, you’re welcome). Personally, I have done a fitting without an appointment once (didn’t find a shoe), and have stayed away from no-appointment-stores ever since.

That said, I have found that most stores that do make appointments don’t allocate enough time. The average fitting seems to be scheduled for about 30min. Again, not enough. I think that 1 hour is a good amount of time to try as many pairs as possible. My last re-fitting lasted 1.5 hours. It depends where you are physically. A fitting is hard work if done right, so especially if it’s your first fitting, more than an hour probably doesn’t make sense because your feet might be tired by then (and/or hurt, too).

So the general takeaway from this: You don’t want to be in a rush. You need time to get in and out of shoes, do your steps in them, and actually FEEL them. The last thing you want is to take a sub-optimal pair because your 30min were up.

1. NO GO: A paid fitting. So from my experience this is not the norm, but I still want to include it as a heads-up. One store I tried to get fitted at had a “pointe shoe fitting fee” policy: If you got fitted but didn’t find a shoe that worked for you, you had to pay a fee for the fitting session. (If you did buy a pair, there was no fee.) To me, that’s really bad fitting manners. Because it incentivizes buying a shoe even if it’s not really a good fit. And it leaves you at the mercy of the store’s shoe selection: If your foot was somehow out of the normal range, you had less pairs to try, it was less likely that you would find a good shoe, and then would be “punished” for your out-of-normness by having to pay the fee. No thank you.

2. Let’s not overestimate the importance of your foot shape.I know many fitters probably won’t agree with me on this one, but I’ll take it. There is this widespread notion that the fitter should assess the shape of your foot, and then choose potential brands/models according to this assessment.

From my experience, and just by considering physics/the biomechanics of it all, instead of assessing, time would be better spent trying more different shoes. The factors of how a shoe works for a particular foot are VAST, innumberable, and on top of it, how you actually FEEL in the shoe adds several more layers of complexity. Because it’s not just your foot. How the rest of your body aligns over it has such a big impact, especially in the case of adults. Because they are usually taller, heavier, so all the body levers and load that act on the shoe are much greater than in a case of a pre-pointe pre-professional pre-teen in the same situation. The foot is just one piece of the puzzle.

My lesson learned: Put on the shoe. Get up on it. Do this with as many as possible - then both you and the fitter can develop a sense of what type of shoe will probably work for you.

1. Preparation on both sides matters.My best fitting experiences have been when there was attention to good preparation, on both my and the fitter’s side. I like it when the fitter gives me a quick questionnaire ahead of the fitting: It should include your street shoe size, how long you have been doing ballet, how many times per week, what kind of padding you use (in case of a re-fitting), if you’ll bring your own tights/what kind. If it’s a refitting and you have been to the store before, it should be a given that all this information and info about all the pairs you’ve bought before should be reviewed by the fitter before you come in.

I also like when the fitter prepares and piles up all the pairs she/he wants me to try. Meaning, she doesn’t have to go back and forth between shelves and storages, but everything is within reach and you can systematically and seamlessly go through different brands, different models of a brand, and different configurations of a model.

On the fittee side, preparation is also key. Your nails should be trimmed, for me to as short as possible and thinning out the big toe’s top outside corner. If possible, I like to schedule my fittings any time after a class. It doesn’t have to be right after class (that’s my ideal scenario though), even if there are several hours in between my feet still feel more supple than on a class-free day. I bring my normal padding. I know some stores like it when you bring your old pair if it’s a re-fitting - I don’t see this as crucial. I like to warm up my feet a bit, quick manual mobilizations, a few stretches and releves.

I feel like all this ahead work pays off in using the actual fitting time most efficiently - and I hope that more and more stores encourage it and follow suit!

1. Fitting = hard physical work and clean technique - and get on one leg, too.It’s interesting how fitting “protocols” differ between different stores. By protocols I mean what the fitter wants you to do when you are trying a shoe. Some leave it more or less up to you (not ideal in a first fitting), some have a very clear sequence of steps (more helpful).

Let’s not forget what a challenge a first fitting is actually: You are trying to figure out if a shoe works for you on pointe - without having learned to be on pointe yet! Therefore, a good fitting experience needs to take the fittee through a well thought-out combination of placements and also give her technical cues to make the fitting a success. So yes, ideally a fitter should be kind of your teacher during the fitting. It doesn’t have to go to all the detail, but enough so you can be up there properly.

From my experience, the sequence should include standing on flat, a demi plié in first position, standing on pointe in first position, trying to balance on pointe in first position, and ideally some demi-pointe placement or rolling through, too. For my top 3 pairs, I also like standing on pointe on one leg (other foot in coup de pied), and trying to balance on that one leg. And yes, on one leg even in the first ever fitting (which many fitters don’t ask you to do). Going from two legs to one leg gives you so much more information about how the shoe works for you. Not saying you have to be able to balance on one leg, it’s ok to just try, but if you can’t shift your full weight at all on one foot, maybe it’s too early for pointe (my opinion, certainly differs from others).

To me, a fitting is almost like a pointe class. It’s not just pretty standing and checking, it’s full-body muscle activiation any time I try on a shoe. The day after, I am ususally sore. I think that only trying with this kind of intensity really gives you good information about how a shoe works for you. The fitter should actually cue you to activate that hard. If she doesn’t, keep reminding yourself - you will be much more confident and get a much faster sense for how a good-fitting shoe is supposed to feel.

1. They’re handmade: Try all pairs of the same exact configuration. NO TWO PAIRS ARE THE SAME. Meaning, the exact same model with the exact same parameters (size, width, shank; and in the case of Gaynors also vamp, heel, box) will differ from pair to pair. Sometimes, quite significantly. So, when you are in a store wanting to buy a shoe that was a great fit for you again, or if you have settled on a shoe in your first fitting: Ask the store to give you all the pairs they have in stock of the exact same configuration. For example, in my last re-fitting, I tried 15 pairs of Gaynors with CL 11.5 M4HDH (pictured above). Or in the case of my Grishkos, in another store, I tried all the five pairs of the Nova size 7.5 shank S, width XXXX. Do it. Most stores will not offer it unprompted - if they do, they’re great. If not, ask for it. You will be amazed.

2. They should NOT hurt.Somehow there is this “no pain no gain” mentality when it comes to pointe work: That it has to hurt. That there should be blood, and blisters, and bruised toe nails when done properly. So I think that this notion leads many starting pointe adult ballerinas to accept and tolerate a painful shoe. Because they think that it’s part of the deal!

So let me get this straight: Yes, there is pain involved with pointe work. As with anything that you are not used to, or when you exceed your body’s adaptation. Meaning: When you’re dancing on pointe for a long time, at some point pain will set in. And the point at which this happens will change, the more you practice and get used to it. A professional ballerina will be able to handle more time on pointe than someone doing just a couple of hours a week. And someone not used to pointe work at all, will probably feel some pain after maybe 20-30min (one reason why you start with only 15-30min of pointe work in the beginning).

But if you just step into a shoe and get on pointe, and feel intolerable pain, then it simply means it’s not the right shoe for you. Now, there might be some discomfort, and discomfort is usually a sign that something new is happening. And discomfort, you can deal with, by either pimping the shoe somewhat or experimenting with your padding. But you have to learn to feel the difference between a shoe that is only painful, and a shoe that is a new experience for your foot but otherwise a good fit. The only way to learn this is by trying as many pairs as possible - hence point no. 1. above. For me personally, this difference can be like completely different worlds. Like, I’ve been in shoes that hurt so much that I can’t even step on pointe. To me, a good shoe actually feels, in a strange way, quite comfortable.

Painfree really should be the goal - cause, you want to enjoy the time together, right?

1. Don’t mix conventional shoes and Gaynor Mindens in one fitting.That comes from my personal experience, curious how others feel. In essence: If you are considering you to possibly get a pair of Gaynors, then schedule a Gaynor-only fitting. Mixing conventional shoes and Gaynors in the same fitting session will make it difficult for one reason: The difference between a not-broken-in conventional shoe and a Gaynor will be too big and will give you a wrong impression of the conventional shoe. Either the Gaynor will feel weird (if you have been wearing only conventional shoes so far), or the Gaynor will feel so much better (if you have been wearing Gaynors and considering a conventional shoe again).

I personally still appreciate working in both types of shoes. While I have really come to like Gaynors (after intially not being so much into them), I do feel the benefit of stimulating the foot with different types of shoes. It will develop more resilience in your body and enhance your motor learning on pointe (remember from a previous article? Variety is key for neuroplasticity and learning progress).

1. Love yourself. Even if the fitter doesn’t.Let’s remember, for a moment, that pointe work is a highly unnatural way of moving for a human being. So by deciding to give it a go, you are asking a lot from your body. Not only in terms of technique and strength, but also in terms of resilience. Your body has to withstand a lot of discomfort, physically, mentally, and emotionally, in order to accomodate your pointe goals. So as a gesture of gratitude to this remarkable body, trying to get the best possible pair of pointe shoes goes a long way. Even if it may take a while, possibly several unsuccessful fittings, until you get there. Never should you settle on a shoe just to leave the store with a shoe.

For that, you need the fitter’s full attention and support.

That said, there can be also a lot of anxiety, and sometimes not so supportive fitting experiences that pave the way to the perfect shoe. After all, you’re an adult starting pointe, and you’re presenting all you’ve got to the fitter. It can feel quite exposing, and some may give you the impression that you’re not being taken seriously. As with everything, it’s a learning process, and the more fittings you have, the more shoes you try, the better you will know how things need to feel. And at the same time it’s important to give yourself time and slack to learn through trial and error, and be ok if you don’t get it right the first time around.

As Olivia (@bunheadlivi on IG), an experienced and ambitious adult ballerina, commented on one of my Instagram posts, “as an adult, you often have to be your own advocate.” Shoe goes on to say how doing her own research helped her a lot with finding the best shoe and improve her subsequent fitting experiences. I think that is so true for many things in ballet, and even more when it comes to finding something as instrumental as the perfect pair of pointe shoes. And it’s also one of our advantages as adults, that we can speak for ourselves, educate ourselves, and say what we need!

I hope you enjoy the always-evolving pointe shoe finding journey as much as I do - good luck and all the best!

Curious about your fitting experiences! What was your best and/or worst one, and what made it so? Leave a comment below, or come and join our conversation on Instagram!

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The first love is the deepest: My first pair, about 2 months after starting pointe.

Going on pointe is probably one of the ultimate dreams of a ballerina life! Especially for those of us starting ballet as adults, it might feel like the pinnacle of our work. Plus: The flood of gorgeous pointe shoe pictures in the Instagram adult ballet community. Together with captions that suggest anyone can go on pointe after a year or so, they may give the impression that you, too, can and should as soon as possible. Or that you’re missing out, or way behind, or learning too slow if you’re not up there on three.

So naturally, hard questions come up: When is the time to give it a go? And is pointe work really for everyone? And how do you determine if you’re ready? After all, going on pointe increases the forces placed on a foot by up to 12 times the body weight, and the coordination required is so much higher than regular ballet.

While these questions are tricky to answer already, the typical scenario of an adult ballerina doesn’t make it easier. Often, you might be in a drop-in class setting, possibly with different teachers. There are no supportive resources like PTs, nor detailed assessments of our foot and core strength etc. Some studios might simply want to fill their pointe classes, and let anyone take it. So in the end, most of us need to make the call ourselves, after careful weighing and an honest consideration of your current abilities. In the best case, this would happen together with the advice of a teacher who has seen you in class for a while.

First things first: WHY go on pointe?So let’s take a step back.

The decision whether you’re ready to go on pointe should be made with three things in mind:

1) Avoiding injuries: Is your technique, motor control/neural coordination, posture/alignment, physical resilience, and strength at a point that you will be free of pain and not harm your body when on pointe?

2) Timing/Class availability: Do you have enough skill and is there a pointe class at a level that will enable you to progress nicely and have a good learning experience? It doesn’t mean it will always go up and smooth, but going on pointe should not become an exercise in clenching your teeth, worrying, and feeling like crap over long periods of time.

3) Necessity! Let’s, in all dreaming, not forget that dancing on pointe puts a huge athletic demand on the body. It’s the realm of professional dance. It makes sense to do it if you want to perform on stage and/or if you want to seriously explore new movement skills. But, in either case, you need to be ready to commit a significant amount of time to cross-train and take extra care of your body.

My own going-on-pointe experience.I never had the intention of going on pointe. I mean, I never really had the intention of doing ballet, I kind of ended up there after stints in hiphop and pole dance. So I was just happy to do ballet. It actually never occurred to me that people who started doing ballet as adults could go on pointe. I thought this was more something only for professional dancers, and for ambitious recreational adult dancers who had done ballet since or while they were a child.

But then, towards the end of my second year or doing ballet, suddenly, out of nowhere, I started getting courious about pointe work. It was like I felt it in my whole body, that it was ready to play with something new! At the same time, by pure coincidence, one of my teachers said she would start teaching a beginner pointe class two months later. I asked her if she thought I was fit to join, and she gladly confirmed. It was a match!

So - what contributed to the feeling of readiness? Looking back, here is what I think:

• A lot of classes! Here is a quick break-down of how I ramped up my training frequency over the first two years:

YEAR 1: I went from taking class once in two weeks over the first few months, to three times per week over the following months, to five times per week towards the end of that first year

YEAR 2: Consistently five classes per week throughout * NOT being obsessed with wanting to go on pointe. I wasn’t in a rush, there was no pressure to do it, neither from the studio environment, nor from myself. * The availability of an absolute beginner pointe class that was suited to my skill level, and a teacher that had seen me in a regular class for a few months. * My general movement-oriented lifestyle; I was consistently doing additional strength work, floor barre, and my whole life has always been quite athletic * Generally a good overall alignment of my body; I had been getting body work (Rolfing and Visceral Osteopathy) regularly for years. * A healthy body weight and lean physique that was a good fit for my body and for ballet. * Enough plantarflexion (=pointing/arch) to get over the box in second position

So all that said, looking back, do I still think that it was a good timing? I am not sure. I do notice that I carried certain technical issues from demi-pointe to pointe work - like how I step on a straight leg, carriage of the arms and upper back activity. So it probably wouldn’t have hurt to wait a bit longer with pointe and invest more time into fixing these technical issues on demi-pointe first. But, I wasn’t really aware of it, and that’s the thing when you do ballet as an adult with different teachers, no one is responsible for calling you out and take you through a structured curriculum. So I think while it may not have been ideal, now it is what it is, and I now have regular classes AND point work to fix the bad habits ;-)

That brings us to: What do the experts say about when, and if at all, someone should go on pointe?

What the experts say.The International Association of Dance Medicine & Science (IADMS) is kind of the recommending body of the dance world, and has issued guidelines for when to start pointe training. But even here, there are no quantative recommendations. The guidelines were written with pre-teens in mind, so if we take out the growth aspects, the IADMS recommendations can roughly be summarized as follows:

• You can start pointe work after four years of regular ballet work IF at least two ballet classes per week in a pre-professional environment
• Pointe work should be discouraged if classes are only once per week, and if the dancer is not in a true pre-professional environment
• Pointe work should NOT be started if there is not enough plantarflexion (pointing) to stand on pointe, if lower leg alignment is off, and if legs and trunk are weak (in which case the beginning of pointe work should be delayed)

Other than that, from my research, it seems that every school/teacher/clinic develops their own assessments. For example, the Washington University Orthopedics has a set of criteria that includes specific movements that a pre-pointe student need to master before going on pointe: Pushing up from flat to demi-pointe on a straight leg with the other leg in a passé; doing 16 relevés in center without stopping; holding a passé balance. Some postural criteria are also mentioned, like being able to dance with a straight torso (no pelvic tilt), being able to point the foot in all steps at barre/center, holding turnout from flat to demi-point, correct demi-plié. Normal body weight is also required, just as general health. Some teachers have developed actual combinations to check whether their students are ready.

There is interesting research done by the Harkness Center for Dance Injuries, published in a paper called “Functional criteria for assessing pointe-readiness“. Basically, the researchers investigated if certain functional tests were correlated with teachers’ assessment of students’ pointe readiness. The three tests that showed such correlation were:

1. Airplane test (single-leg plié with free leg in arabesque and trunk in line)
2. Topple test (essentially a clean single pirouette en dehors from 4th to 4th position)
3. Sauté test (performing 16 jumps with proper alignment and properly pointed foot)

However, it must be kept in mind that the study did not have any predictive value towards later performance or injury rate - it basically just said that performance in these three movements were consistent with teachers’ evaluation.

So - how do you decide?So let’s get back to you: How do you know whether it’s the right time, and you’re a good candidate for starting pointe work?

I do think that with some common sense and a bit of biomechanical considerations, and taking some ideas from the above expert criteria and assessments, you can make an informed and intelligent decision. Even without PTs, clinics and formal assessments.

Which also implies: I think that listening to your body is important. I also think that teachers who see you in class regularly and take an interest in your progress can help you make a good call.

For example: If you are overweight, if you are taking class once to twice a week and have an otherwise sedentary lifestyle (i.e. mainly sitting or standing full-time work), if you have whole-body alignment issues, if you don’t have at least 90° plantar flexion (ankle range in pointing), if you’re struggling with doing barre exercises on demi-pointe - maybe it would make more sense to wait a bit longer and do more strengthening, ROM (=range of motion) work and get body work to clear up any issues. Some conditions might be even call for not going on pointe at all - like severe scoliosis, large leg length differences, a very small ankle ROM in pointing i.e. anything that would structurally prevent you from being properly aligned on pointe. [Here is an interesting fact: According to a one study, professional ballerinas have, on average, 113° of ankle plantarflexion - whereas the average in the general population is 48°!! This is just to say that pointe work requires more extreme physical qualities compared to what we experience in regular ballet, or any kind of other athletic activity.]

If, on the other hand, you’ve been taking class several times per week consistently for a few years, if you feel secure in single-leg demi-pointe patterns like balances, relevés, and turns, you’re generally athletic and strong, if you’re willing and have the time to put in some extra bodycare work, AND your teacher(s) give(s) it a go, it’s likely that you will have a good experience. And then, once you’re on pointe, keep monitoring: How do you feel about it? Are you progressing well? Are you pain-free? Are you getting on pointe properly, over the box, do your ankles feel secure? Are you able to absorb corrections quickly? Is the class taking you through a proper basic progression?

I think the key is not to rush it, and to become aware of any pressures and influences, from both outside and inside, that may impact your decision.

But while the Instagram pointe pictures might be seductive, I am also happy to see a lot of awareness and careful consideration around this topic. When I asked some fellow ballerinas on Instagram, many reported that they waited despite having green light from their teachers/studios. Some said they wished they would have waited a bit longer, which also shows careful reflection of their learning. Let’s not forget that there are even professional ballerinas who started pointe several years later than their peers.

Can you live a happy life without pointe work?Personally, I don’t think that pointe work is necessary to have a great ballet experience. There is so much beauty in dancing on demi-pointe, and sometimes the huge time and energy invested in proper pointe work might be way better invested, with much more beautiful outcomes, in regular demi-pointe work for a longer time. Or, in some cases, maybe forever. I remember a conversation I had with a fellow adult student: She had always dreamed of going on pointe, finally did it, but a few months in decided that it wasn’t worth it. The amount of time and work she would have to invest in order to get really good would be excessive. Her feet just didn’t have the range, and she decided her time was much better spent in soft shoes and regular classes. I was honestly impressed by this maturity and still applaud her for the tough call she made. She is still dancing very happily!

Sometimes, learning ballet may also mean to re-assess your biggest dream and to give yourself a bit more time and care before realizing it. Yes, anything is possible, and yes, you can totally go for your dreams. But this can mean doing things differently than others, and at a different pace. Some can get on pointe safely in a short amount of time. Others may need longer. And some may choose to not do it at all, and still become amazing and technically skilled dancers. I am excited for you in any case, because dreams come in all shapes and shoes!

In addition to the resources in the links, here are two other good overviews:

A summary of some of the studies mentioned, and additional references: “When to go on Pointe“ by V. Lin, MD

A playlist of videos that show examples of the three functional assessements (Airplane, Topple, and Sauté tests): Pointe Readiness Protocol Tests

Are you on pointe? How did you decide? Or are you considering? What has been your experiences with the transition to pointe? Did you feel supported and properly instructed? Did you get help with how to choose, prepare, and break in your first pair of pointe shoes?

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When I decided to do four street performances in four different European capitals, it was mainly because it seemed like a cool idea.

Even though an uncomfortable one.

It meant packing two costumes, equipment, pointe shoes, and some supplies to keep the pointe shoes alive (concrete wears them like nothing else). In addition to stuff for 11 days, my son and his wheelchair.

But mainly, uncomfortable because it makes a regular vacation trip more stressful, way ahead of the performance. Usually, when you travel: You arrive, you unpack, you start taking in the atmosphere, maybe a little Prosecco, some food, enjoy some famous sights…all low-pressure experiences and emotional states. When you know you are going to perform, though, this changes. You think of timing, look for potential locations, figure out the logistics of costume change, doing your hair, putting make-up on, take your kid along and get him to video the whole thing, although he doesn’t really feel like it….it’s all a bit nerve-wrecking, when actually, you just want the Prosecco. Many times, I asked myself if it was really worth it.

And then, on top of the discomfort, there were also blunt, location-dependent fears:

• In Paris, I was intimidated by all the cultural sophistication and beauty, and felt that my dancing was so inferior to it. People would surely think my performance was embarrassing!
• In Brussels, the sight I wanted to perform at (Atomium) was a long ride away from downtown, and I did not know what to expect in terms of potential spots and type of ground. And there was a Rammstein concert just around the corner, so not necessarily my target audience, hehe.
• In Tallinn, I was afraid I would get in trouble with security or police, for performing in front of the Estonian parliament.
• In Helsinki, I worried I would feel completely marginalized by the reserved Finnish mentality and indifference. When you know Finnish people, you know Finnish people. Toughest crowd. (EDIT: Just kiddin’. I lived in Finland before and I love the Fins. As a die-hard introvert, my mentality is actually quite close!)

But by now, after more than 10 street performances within about a year, I know there is a simple trick to get me going despite anxiety and worries: Once I put my costume on and get ready, there is no turning back. It really is that simple.

So in all discomfort, I did all four planned performances.

While this may sound and look spectacular, it wasn’t always a firework! In fact, these four performances were probably my least successful in terms of number of spectators and money collected. In Paris, my music-playing set-up failed and the music was barely audible. While on an amazing spot, in front of the Eiffel tower, almost no one stopped, and it was the first time I didn’t collect ANY money at all. In Brussels, it started raining while I was performing. In Tallinn, my son accidentally stopped the music around the midpoint of my performance. In Helsinki, I am convinced that people avoided the otherwise quite crowded pedestrian zone when they saw me dancing from afar. (Yes, when you know, you know. Just kiddin’ again. I still love the Fins. And, to their defense: When I spontaneously did one of my pieces with a live violinist right after my performance, we gathered quite the crowd!)

And despite all this, these four were probably the most epic performances for me so far.

The locations were breathtaking, and I could feel how the beauty and gravity of the historical environments infused my dancing. How the courage to perform in front of all this architectural grandeur made me more resilient and less intimidated by anything. The people who did stop and watch were so appreciative, and we all knew how lucky we were to spend some time together. I could feel my dancing getting better from the first to the fourth performance. And it was such an amazing experience to dance in the rain, and see it stop just in time for my shoes to not be affected. And, the best, I got to dance in front of a PINK building!! (the Estonian Parliament, and I wasn’t stopped by any Security or police!). I spontaneously danced with two live street musicians (violinists), in Tallinn and in Helsinki, who graciously jumped on the opportunity to do one piece together (probably one of the best moments of my whole life so far). I have now figured out such a minimal costume/equipment set-up, that I can easily fit it in a small backpack and do sightseeing with it before and/or after the performance.

So, in conclusion: Under all the fears, the logistic challenges, a few mishaps – there is a highly fulfilling sense of accomplishment. This was so much fun, and such once-in-a-lifetime experience. It reminded me how creating is not so much about “success” - but mainly about doing it, and enjoying it while you’re at it. And if I could do THIS - was there anything I couldn’t?

Note to self: Most often, it starts with a cool, and highly uncomfortable idea.

With the camera man.

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“In an era of human history in which we prize comfort above nearly every other virtue, we have overlooked an important truth: comfort never leads to excellence. What it takes to become great at your craft is practice, but not just any kind of practice - the kind that hurts, stretches and grows you.

[…]

It’s easy to practice when the activity is something we enjoy, but what do you do when the excitment runs out and your strength disappears? What do you do when that first thrill of entering a new vocation [or online course!] begins to wane? Do you give up? Or do you push through the pain and make your way to mastery? This is where experts differ from the rest of us. They recognize the resistance we all feel but instead choose to see it as a sign of how close they are to their goals. Disciplining themselves, they deliberately lean in to the most difficult parts when most people tend to quit.”

Jeff Goins (from “The Art of Work”)

Some have cats, some have elchs.

How can adults, who truly aspire to reach a high level in ballet, create something equivalent to a pre-professional environment in their lives? And how can online classes/courses/workshops be a part of this?

As I have argued before: Taking classes, even every day, doesn’t cut it. You won’t get enough repetitions this way, and you won’t build ballet movement patterns sufficiently.

Plus, working towards becoming a trained dancer, as an adult, is a lifestyle decision. It involves not only what you do in classes and rehearsals, but also what you eat, how you recover, as well as what kind of cross- and supplementary training you do. Even what kind of thoughts you think throughout the day.

Starting this blog was one way of how I wanted to contribute explorations to these questions and offer ideas. But educating and implementing are two different things. This is why I started teaching online courses earlier this year: to help anyone who aspires higher goals in their ballet - take the actual steps to the look and move of a trained dancer! By now, I have gone through a whole syllabus of strength and pattern-building, as well as an outline for a nutritional approach that supports the physique and performance of a ballerina.

I believe that online courses can be a game changer. The Internet gives you access to teachers, knowledge, systems, and training resources without being limited by distances or hours of operations. It is an amazingly rich opportunity to supplement your in-studio work. Done right, you have the chance to create that pre-professional environment right in your living room!

But as with all amazing conveniences and living room comforts, there is a caveat. Or several. Teaching a 2-week, and then a 10-week-course, and currently being a student of a premium online-course myself, has taught me a lot about the pitfalls of online education. Because let’s face it, it’s easy to get all excited, but eventually feel the motivation wane. But there are also ways to deal this normal human behavior, and milk your course for optimal progress and visible transformation.

Curious to learn how? Here we go - the main roadblocks to a successful online ballet course experience, and how to tackle them to your best advantage:

1. Relying on the comfort of being able to do it at home, any time.

Yes, it’s incredible that we can learn from principal dancers, experienced ballet masters, and choreographers, anywhere, at any time. And there is this surge of excitement and motivation when you purchase access to a promising course. Your buying hormones make you think that you will jump on it every day.

Until those hormones fade out, and your everyday schedule sets in. Suddenly, the idea of adding another hour of physical work to the end of the day, every day, is not too appealing, all ballet goals nonwithstanding.

Here is the thing: Skipping a workout at home is actually easier than skipping a class in a physical loction, for several psychological reasons. So the way to deal with this is to start treating your online course just like you would a class in real life. In essence that means: Set a day, time, and location. And there are different ways of doing this:

* *Put it all in your calendar.* I.e. literally make a workout appointment with yourself, and plan it out a week or month ahead.
* *Tie it to a physical event.* That’s something that has worked well for me: When I did my last stretching online program, I would do the workouts after my classes in the studio. This way I was already set up to move, and I had space that was conducive to getting it done.
* *Tie it to a specific day time and/or day of the week.* Designate the mornings before work/ or lunch breaks/ or evenings before dinner or specific days of the week as your workout times. This way you don’t have to put it in the calendar, but you prompt yourself by the day (and/or time of the day) to actually get your extra strength work done.

1. Expecting “fun”, instant rewards, and course hopping.

Hands up: Who has ever bought an online course and then not completed it? Or maybe you even have a whole library of unfinished programs, challenges, memberships? The truth is, online course completion rates are surprisingly low. And I think part of it is a certain expectation on the student’s side: That it will be “fun”, easy to do, gamified, and Instagram-postable. We’ve been conditioned by the online education world and they way it markets itself to expect low entry barriers, bite-sized lessons, and a tolerance of short attention spans and low commitment. Whenever you get a bit bored, or have to make an effort to stay at it, it’s far easier to quit and/or turn to the next course/challenge/YouTube channel. Or you start telling yourself that you are a bad student, or that the format doesn’t suit you, and stop it altogether.

Of course it’s the course creators’ responsibility to create good and engaging courses.

But I think we tend to forget that a true learning process, one that goes deep into the nervous system, takes time, consistency, and is inherently painful. Btw, with painful I do NOT refer to work that harms your body. What I mean is the pain of NOT being instantly rewarded for your work*. Which we know to be so true for ballet, but somehow this fact is lost when doine online classes. From my experience, this is the biggest way in which we sabotage our development and growth.

The truth is, it doesn’t have fun to be fun.

There is also an upside to this: If you can instill a pretty good (it doesn’t even have to be perfect) consistency and commitment to your online resource, you will outwork 98% or all people on the planet. You can get better than them. This is not for competition’s sake, but just to say how simple it is. So the way to implement this: Once you commit to an online course - do it. If it’s 6 weeks, do it for 6 weeks. If it’s 12, do it for 12. If it’s a membership, do it for a minimum of three months before you decide if it’s working for you or not. Yes, you will fall off the bandwagon. No big deal. Don’t beat yourself up, just get back at it the next day. 3. Not building a teacher-student relationship and not saying what you need.

The nature of online education encourages anonymity. And that can be comfortable at times, doing things on your own pace and not having to show your face as you’re working through the material. But I think a good online resource works like real life: You get to choose a teacher, and what will bring you forward is interaction with and feedback from that teacher.

It’s also what distinguishes a well-crafted course and committed teacher from all the free resources on YouTube and anywhere else. Someone is invested in your progress and success. So when looking for an online course, things to consider would be:

* How much access do you have to the teacher?
* Is there a designated space where you can submit questions/pictures/videos of yourself and get answers and feedback?
* Does the teacher know your goals and current challenges?Of course, an online course is different from 1:1 coaching, but there should be still a process in place that lets you actively work with the teacher, and not just consume the content on your own.

And part of this: If something about the course is not clear or not working for you - say something! A good teacher will respond and accomodate your needs. There is a lot to be said about being in charge of your own learning process - and saying what you need is the first step. 4. Not choosing the course that’s right for you.

This is something that took me a while to realize when I went out to find an online course for myself - when I decided I wanted to learn about how to create a really good online course. I mean there are masses of online course creators that teach about how to create an online course out there, and their promises all sound mesmerizing. There are some big names in the industry, and their endorsments are all super flashy. I was on the brink of signing up and investing a grand (which is a huge amount for me) several times, but kept waiting and searching more.

In the end I enrolled in a course that was by far not the biggest name in the industry. But I quickly knew it was for me. What got me was that it was about how to create an effective beta version of a course, and tweak and improve on the go. This is exactly what I needed to get over my perfectionism. The course teacher had a strong academic background, which spoke to me a lot and went beyond the “polished”/”pretty”/”hip” marketing slangs.

So while there are many ballet online course offerings out there, and they promise high extensions and tone - what is it that you really need right now in order to get your dance to the next level? What format does it have to be in for you to successfully absorb and integrated the content? What kind of teacher do you need to be able to learn effectively, what languages does he or she need to speak in order to reach you? Don’t be shy to get in touch with that person and engage in a conversation. Or ask for a trial access to previous/current courses. See how the offering vibes for you, and then stay, or move on to the next one.

My prediction is that we will see a lot of growth in the ballet online education area, I am very excited about it, and I totally believe that it can make a huge difference to a student’s learning success. And maybe you will not always hit it right, and leave a course unfinished because it did not work as expected. I simply want to encourage you to approach your online classes with the same care, attention, and commitment as a real life class. The online world may feel more transient - but it’s up to you to get the best out of it!

Have you ever taken an online ballet course? What was your experience? What did you love about it, what did not work for you? Have you experienced any other roadblocks than the ones I mentioned here? Or if you have never bought a course - what would it take for you to sign up for one? What kind of support would you want?

Ericsson et al. “The Role of Deliberate Practice in the Acquisition of Expert Performance” (full text available for example here)*

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Living the ballerina life, metal version.

A few weeks ago one of my teachers and InStudio (the National Ballet’s adult program) director Kate approached me and asked if I would be interested in dancing in a music video production for a metal band.

Excusez-moi? Interested? I was ready to tattoo the band’s name anywhere, without even knowing what band (and I must add that I don’t have any tattoos). Like, it was not only the opportunity to perform that grabbed me. I loved to whole contrast of it. Metal. Ballet, on pointe. In tutus! (After I had just posted how I don’t like the wiggling geometry of tutus! So much for street credibility, haha.)

Anyway, I did it, and the shoot was last Sunday. And with this write-up I don’t want to just share my story - to me, this video shoot is an example of what is possible, even when you started dancing as an adult. It came totally out of the blue, and there was, like, not even the slightest chance that I would have ever thought of metal music videos as a potential performance option to explore, and that you could get compensated for it. But that’s the whole point. The more examples we all can create for potential performance options, the more they become possible.

So here is some more backstory.

Kate mentioned she had thought of me because the band wanted long lines and because I had performance/camera experience. Yes, the long lines have been with me for a long time, but the being on video and performing thing was quite new in my life. I would say it only picked up when I started street performing not even a year ago, and then being more active on Instagram, and then teaching, and then doing Live videos, etc etc. I do not consider myself a camera pro, but her remark made me realize how much more confident I had become being in front of a camera. Like, I used to be paralyzed, but now I am just there, and there is a camera. And the viewers have the choice if they wanna do with my imperfections - or not.

Kate had picked two other of her amazing students for the shoot, also adult starters. As it turned out later, all three of us had between 5 to 6 years of ballet under our belts. We had our first one-hour rehearsal, where Kate introduced us to the choreography, a week prior to the shoot; a second one the day before the action.

I have never been into metal, but the song intrigued me.

I became more curious. Kate had already mentioned that her connection to the band was through lead singer Ashleigh. They had trained in ballet together, and just recently reconnected. Here is where it gets interesting. Ashleigh is a trained opera singer, yes, you probably picked up on that if you just listened to the song. The band, Tulip (which wouldn’t have been too bad of a tattoo at all!), was just very recently founded by Ashleigh and her partner Colin.

I was curious to learn more about the band and its backstory, as I wanted to get a bit more into character for the shoot. A trained-opera-singer-turned-metal-front felt exciting. Right down my alley. There was a vibe of doing the unexpected, brazen, following your heart. On the evening after the second rehearsal, i.e. the night before the shoot, I started googling a bit. There was not too much information out there, as the band was literally just starting out (first tracks were released last fall).

Then I found this article, an interview with band founder Colin. There was more to this story, and it was deeply moving. It turned out that the band founders grew up in reformed Christian tradition, so basically the opposite of a free-and-following-your-heart environment. It was probably one of the most conservative and rule-stricken setting you can think of. They were both married very young (to other partners), and earlier ideas of doing music together were deemed totally inappropriate.

Until they finally decided to break with all that.

You can read more in the article, but suffice to say that when they formed the band, and became a couple, “all hell broke loose”, as Colin puts it in the interview. Not just the “people are disappointed” kind of hell. Think more of the “excommunicated” and “publicly ostracized” kind of hell. Family and those closest to you suddenly dropping you, stigmatizing you as if you had just destroyed their country or something.

I think what touched me so deeply was that this band’s story was such a strong metaphor for life to me. Like, I didn’t even have to do anything to get into character. It was, in a way, my story, just in a different expression. A story of daring. Of struggling. Of experiencing people turning away or not supporting, and the pain that comes with that. Of overcoming. Of not letting yourself be talked out of it. And I believe it’s not only my story. It’s a very universal story for anyone who chooses to live in a certain way. Not the easy way. But a very worthwhile way.

I mean, I could feel it, on a smaller scale, just before going into the shoot! I could hear all the voices that did not approve of giving ballet so much priority in my life. I was anxious about whether I would be able to perform at my best. Whether it would show that I started ballet as an adult. Whether I would conduct myself professionally enough. Whether we would all vibe, without the potential tensions and undertones. And then the tutus! Oh the biggest of all: I got my period, just on the night before the shoot. Two days early. Amazing. Here is to wearing a white leotard, a white tutu, pale-pink dance tights, and having to get out of all of them for the slightly more frequent bathroom breaks, just in case. Here is to rather curl up on the sofa and watch Netflix all day. Yes, all this is pain on a much smaller (and maybe pity) scale, but it’s often an accumulation of these kind of seemingly small fears and anxieties that can prevent us from living the everyday life that we truly desire.

I think in the end there is ONE THING that gets you over all the opposition, the fears, whether big or small: The realization that NOT doing it is NOT an option. At some point that voice deep inside of you, even if it’s a very quiet one, becomes too persistent to be overheard. Doing ballet, doing this video shoot was what I clearly longed for. And there was such an incredible beauty in knowing that I was about to meet people that shared this sentiment and who were clearly striving to create, too, despite the fierce resistance they encountered. And, hey, getting my period simply meant that everything was working, and that I was in the deepest feminine power of the month!

THE DAY OF THE SHOOT. I wish I could say that there were challenges, and struggles, and how a few things went wrong, everything that would make a good story.

But actually, it was simply an amazing and easy day. It was actually ridiculous how much fun it was and how smooth it went.

I dropped of my son at one of his school friend’s - the mom had super kindly agreed to have him over for half of the day. Instead of an hour, it took me only half an hour to get to the location. It was a real studio. With a real professional crew. And a top-notch professional make-up artist.

Clearly a Canadian make-up artistry experience

The tutus fit (although we hadn’t tried them on before).

When it became clear that the shoot would go for the whole day, my son’s friend’s mom had absolutely no issue at all to have him over for the whole day (I mean, hello? What an amazing woman?). Meeting the band founders and their adorable kids was super fun.

A metal-worthy selfie with Ashleigh.

The crew was clear in what they wanted, and also very appreciative. Like, everyone was super appreciative and supportive. Kate did such a great job coaching is through the repetitions. I enjoyed so many meaningful conversations. There were just good vibes. Working with dancers Lindsay and Cathy was the most easy and fun thing of all.

This first look was supposed to be “doll-like”, or “Marie-Antoinette-ish”. Nailed it!

There was an excitement in the air, of creating and working together. And everything that might have been a challenge, just got smoothed out. Like: The make-up took longer than the crew had expected, but in the end we caught up and finished on schedule. Dancing on pointe on concrete for that many hours and repetitions was quite the deal, but it worked! I found it very challenging to dance with so little space - with a layer of sand behind me, all of us dancers very close to each other, and the camera angle limiting us further to the front and to the sides. I honestly think that I didn’t handle it too well - but I will not hold that against me. It was the first time in such a situation, and considering that, I think the crew ended up with enough really good footage. At least that’s what they said.

So - what to take away from this? And how can this experience transfer and apply to you? Here are five conclusions that I drew from all of this:

1. There is no cookie cutter approach to being a dancer. I think that from being heavily influenced by the professional ballet world, we think that “you have to get a professional training and then a company contract”. Well, that’s one way of going about it. On the other hand, you could build your “career” differently. You could come up with your own training, for example by finding a mentor and then working with him/her for a few years, and slowly build freelance opportunities that are sort of outside the box. I think that we are seeing a huge rise in ballet’s popularity right now, and I think that this will only increase new performance opportunities and paid gigs! And some of these could be filled by professional or semi-professional adult dancers.
2. Follow your urges and build your strengths. I started to put myself more in front of the camera NOT because I was hoping to get something out of it. It was simply an urge, I felt like it could be fun, and I wanted to get more comfortable with it. And while I know that there are more technically skilled (adult) ballerinas out there - I have my height, my lines that are just part of my appearance. For the video shoot, the lines are probably more important than the overall skill level, simply because of how music videos work! So for me that means that part of my focus is to work on making my height and lines look good, by really understanding how to create specific poses and by stretching and strengthening for a long look. And this will be very different for everyone - but it’s helpful to realize what creative urges tug on you, and what advantages you bring to the dance table!
3. Stick to your story, share who you are. I believe that people come together for a reason, and that interesting projects have a deeper origin. Like this video gig looked like it came out of the blue, and it did, but there was a common denominator of “overcoming” and “breaking with how you ‘should’ live your life”. So many conversations I had that day were somehow deeper than your usual small talk. Maybe that was what brought us together, and that’s why we all vibed. It was not just a gig - it was a day full of inspiration and time truly well spent.
4. Have the courage to commit to your desires and trust, unapologetically. Like, I might sometimes come across as a bit unusual with my ballet endeavors, and I know that there are probably a lot of people around me who think it’s all a bit over the top and delusional. I have experienced lack of support, or simply being not acknowledged or ignored, and more or less openly criticized. That can make it hard to push forward. But my experience has always been that good things happen when you don’t hold back. When you don’t apologize for or play down your ambitions. Like, I totally admire what Ashleigh and Colin are doing with Tulip, and how Ashleigh is bringing her opera training into a new context. I think we will hear from these guys. And as hard as it is, and as unlikely, I will keep looking for new adult ballet opportunities. And like this video gig shows, like-minded people will find each other and things will happen.
5. Know your top lever for making things happen. You have to be in a state of readiness for things to appear. So you need to be aware of what keeps you in that state. This is something I totally by chance learned from a Misty Copeland interview. I don’t even remember which one - but she was talking about all the million things that she was doing - her UA deal, photo shoots, interviews, TV appearances, the book deals, movie etc etc - but how she didn’t let ANY of this interfere with taking class every day. Because class is the reason why all these opportunities come up for her. That hit home for me. I mean, yes, on a different level obviously, but I instantly knew that this is what would keep me healthy and ready, too. So that’s what I do. I take class every day during the week, plus some complementary strength work at home, and I don’t let anything interfere with that. From that level, I can more easily ramp up for anything that comes my way (like the Residency Programme last year, rehearsals, this video gig, street performances). And this might well be very different for everyone, depending on what your schedule and needs are like. But I believe that there is always that one thing that must become non-negotiable in order to keep you sharp.

To wrap it up: We brought it to a smooth end. (No leaks. There was enough time to take washroom breaks and take off all the layers.) A first glance on some of the footage was promising and both band and crew looked happy, too. The late evening Epsom salt bath felt amazing, and the beer afterwards never tasted better. (The irony was that after my son left for school the next day, I went back to bed and caught another three hours of sleep. And missed class because of that. Well, as long as there is a truly good reason for it hehe.)

Over the next days, my “high”, that level of excitement from this unique experience, slowly went back to normal levels. After all, it was “just” a day, a singular performance experience.

But something remained.

A hint of an idea, or a quiet confirmation maybe. That I can do this. And you can, too. There is no cookie cutter. Stay open. Keep working on technique and strength, and build an amazing and cared-for body. Think of alternatives to the usual deals. Welcome new potential ballet performance opportunities. Follow those weird ideas that keep going through your head. Connect with like-minded people. Do it all like you mean it.

And then something will come. And maybe something completely different.

Kathy, myself, Madeleine (pyramid builder), Kate, Hayley (pyramid builder), Ashleigh, Lindsay)

What do you think of this? Can adults make it and dedicate their life or part of it to professional or semi-professional performances? Do you agree that there is potential for ballet to be performed outside of the usual theatre stage and studio recital setting? And are you just as impatient and beyond excited to see how the video will turn out? 🤩

Big gratitude to band founders Ashleigh and Colin (@wearetulip), choreographer and coach Kate (@kate_kernaghan), dancers Cathy (@dirtbagindanceclass) and Lindsay (@lindsayhaeber), art department Hayley (@haelaaaaa) and her team, director Alex and his crew (@thetrenches) and make-up artist Arabella (@arabellatrasca) for this very special day!

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PREAMBLE: I have been in the area of strength and conditioning and working with the body for almost 20 years, but have always shied away from teaching nutrition. Because it can be such a messy topic. And I didn’t want to present yet another way of doing it, nor play yet another guru. But for almost as long, I have known and felt deeply that nutrition and everything that is connected to it has a huge impact not only on the appearance of the body, but on competitive performance, health, mood, and your whole experience of the activity you’re training for. After diving deeper into the matter over the past years, I am now taking a leap and have started teaching my approach to eating as part of my 10-week Adult Ballet Body Evolution online course, letting my students guide me on what they want. My sense is that eventually, I might spin this out as a seperate course, so if you ever want to get involved in it, feel free to get in touch at patricia@balletmisfits.dance.

This is also my very first post about nutrition on this blog. And I am still learning! Therefore, I am very curious to hear from you - does any of it resonate, do you want more, or should I just stay away from this whole topic? Enjoy the read!

Two Sides of the Ballet Body StoryWe all know that body shape, body shaming, and body image, are sensitive topics in ballet. And one of the biggest breakthroughs, in both professional and amateur areas, has been to seriously debunk the glorifcation of the anorectic, androgyn, never-gone-through-puberty body type. The battle is certainly not over. It continues, and rightfully so.

While this a very positive development, I am seeing sort of a backlashing trend in the adult ballet community: Giving up on a healthy, strong, and lean ballet physique.

I am not sure how to phrase it, without offending someone. But I guess when you’re blogging, you can’t always not offend everyone. So I am just going to say it: It feels to me like there is almost a universal, more or less subtle acceptance of the overweight adult ballerina body. Hear me out.

While some admit struggling with it, there is sort of an apologetic, understanding undertone. Like, that you’re not in control of it. That it’s just not possible for a middle-aged woman who has started ballet late in her life to achieve the body of a dancer. Sometimes, carrying extra weight is almost celebrated as a symbol of being free from expectations and pressures, and as the result of radical self-acceptance. Or as a normal by-product of living a busy life with a full-time job, a family, and the like.

Body Weight Truth BombsThe acceptance of all shapes and figures in adult ballet is liberating and great. And it always depends how much you are into it. It might not matter to you as much if you are just getting a nice workout from ballet a couple times a week. But if you do have some higher dance ambitions, and if you are striving to seriously improve your performance, then let me just insert a little reminder here (and I know you know, but it won’t hurt):

Extra bodyweight is a bigger obstacle to getting better at ballet than most other things combined.

Extra bodyweight puts you at greater risk for injuries.

Carrying extra weight is a highly inefficient way of moving in ballet and will tire you more quickly.

Nothing else, not even lack of strength, lack of flexibility, body height, has as more detrimental effect on your physical performance.

Don’t get me wrong. I have seen dancers in all shapes and sizes dance beautifully and gracefully. This is not an essay about having to look a certain way in ballet, and it’s certainly NOT an encouragement towards an unhealthy body image.

It’s more a….wake-up call maybe. A reminder that you deserve a body that supports your bold dance aspirations. Learning ballet is hard enough, and it makes sense to lessen any load you can.

And there is more.

There is an incredible beauty in having a body that truly reflects who you are. A body that reflects your love for ballet. A body that shows off your investment in your health, your strength, and your commitment to self-care.

Cause let’s face it - maybe, there is something behind the extra weight, and the casual non-chalance that you might display when talking about it.

Maybe fear, of not being able to change anything. Or maybe the idea of actually succeeding gives you anxiety. Or resistance to change and the uncertainty that comes with it. Maybe powerlessness, or overwhelm, of not finding the way through, or of having tried everything under the sun.

But more often than not, there is also some serious, positive ambition. A dream that is waiting to be fulfilled.

The Four Bodyweight Myths, DebunkedI don’t know about you, but it always stings me when women talk like they have no control over how they look and feel. That they’re just not in charge of the weight of their own bodies. Claiming that they “just don’t have the typical ballet figure”.

I have had many conversations around this topic, especially since I have started teaching my online strength and ballet body courses. Truly honest and beautiful conversations. And I see a few common themes, actually myths, around the topic of the adult ballet body(weight). So why don’t we examine them a bit - because just facing what is holding you back might change how you continue writing your story!

Myth 1: It’s too hard or impossible to achieve a toned dancer’s physique beyond a certain age, because fat is stored more easily, and there is age-related muscle loss.This is an interesting one. And let’s get rid of it right away. In fact, this “myth” is not supported by scientific evidence. The main reason why we think that, now listen closely, is because it’s our everyday experience. We are so used to adults’ bodies deteriorating with increasing age that we think it’s normal.

Let me tell you it’s not.

Age-related deterioration, muscle loss, weight gain, is mainly due to today’s sedentary life style and a way of eating that - usually over a long period of time - trips up our metabolism big time. Even if you eat healthy. For example, eating fruit, certain vegetables and whole grains can trigger fat storage and block muscle volume maintenance and growth.

You can carry or re-build a young and powerful body way past middle age. This has been my experience on many levels. I am not saying this to show off, but rather to say that I am in no way special. I have a human body like you. And if that is still not enough evidence (and hey, it shouldn’t :-)), just take a bit of time and google some stories of “old” people achieving amazing physical feats. You will find more than you think.

Myth 2: You have to deprive yourself and can’t enjoy life if you want to achieve a toned, beautiful physique.By depriving yourself you mean that you have to force yourself to eat less than you want, or that you cannot eat the things you love?

The first one is easily debunked. When consistently eating in a way that supports your body, in particular that nourishes your gut, any excess calories will be metabolized, i.e. digested by your gut bacteria or simply burned away as body heat.

The second one is a bit more tricky. But ask yourself: Why are you eating? Many people think it’s 1) because you need a certain amount of energy for going about your day or, more or less consciously, 2) to feel good and taken care of.

So let me comment on this. Re 1): I would not worry too much about it. Especially if you have some extra weight, you do not even need to cover the amount of calories you burn every day for a long time. And with the over-availaibilty of food nowadays, your energy demands are covered more quickly than you think. Re 2): Fair. Your choice. The question is: Are there more effective ways of achieving the same result of feeling good, in a way that gives you the body you want and lets you achieve the goals you are dreaming of?

There is only one motivation for eating: To fuel and nourish the body in a way that brings out the best in it. And the best of you. In a self-loving way. Once you get into the groove, what you love and what nourishes your body will gracefully align.

Myth 3: Some people can eat what they want and will not put on any weight, so that whole bodyweight thing is pretty much genetics.Don’t get me even started on this one. Biggest BS, and I rarely use that term, ahem. First of all, even seemingly lean people may not be well-nourished, so let’s put that “they can eat what they want“ aside. Now, there may be individual differences and certain natural bodyweight set points, but those differences are slight. And second, please google “epigenetics” and get rid of that birth lottery excuse once and for all. Thank you.

Myth 4: I have tried everything under the sun, and it’s too overwhelming to figure out how to eat well. Everyone says something different!I get that. And even though I don’t have to, but since I now spend most of my time in Canada, I truly wanna say “I’m sorry”. For all the nutrition myths, dogmas, experts, and confusion out there (especially on the Internet). Also know that if you have struggled to get rid of weight for a long time, you are not to blame. We have been sold on so many different nutritional “truths” over the past decades that it’s hard to keep up with them. The last thing you and I need is another proven system, or guru, or wonder diet, or shake.

What we need is an approach that taps into your body’s wisdom - a wisdom that has evolved since humans started populating this planet. Actually longer than that. In addition, we need to take into account how our environment has changed since humans started agriculture, and even more since our food production started to be heavily industrialized 50+ years ago. And how that has changed what we put into our bodies, and how that in turn has possibly thrown us off. Why seemingly “healthy” food might trigger weight gain and why. And this is independent of whether you choose to eat vegan, vegeterian, keto, or paleo. Or whatever.

Let me say this clearly: Loosing weight is simple. Humans have done it since they existed. It’s a matter of a few months, or a few more, depending on where you are at.

It might not be always easy, because changing habit takes some effort. But if you really choose to get the body you want - it’s all possible, and you already have everything you need (a body).

Here is how to avoid overwhelm: Don’t learn about nutrition. Learn about the body. Learn about your gut, your microbiome, your holobiome. From there, start with some small and simple changes. “The Plant Paradox” is a good book to start with. Depending on where you are, it might be a too radical approach - or it might be the start of a major breakthrough for you. In both cases, it will be highly educative. If you understand your body, the understanding of what to eat will come more naturally and without the overwhelm.

What do You Desire?So, to wrap it up: I am not here to tell you what’s good for you. I can only give you information and some food (haha. But do you see the parallel?) for thought. It’s up to you to decide what you want.

But if you do carry extra weight around, have sort of arranged yourself with it, telling yourself that it’s ok when deep down it’s not -

then please

• give yourself permission to desire the body you want unapologetically.
• understand that it’s all in your hands, and a matter of months.
• take for granted that you are capable of shaping a healthy, strong, cared-for, and toned body at any time, at any age.

It’s totally ok to accept any bodyweight and shape, and love and stick to it. But if this acceptance is simply a strategy for covering up your true desires - then it might be wiser to bring them to life 🧡

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Part of the little Game Plan for “outside of class”.

How long do you think does it take to get really good at ballet? (Let’s say “good” means approximately the level of a trained dancer.)

And is it possible to get good at all, for someone who started late, as an adult?

I remember a phase in my own ballet learning where I was completely obsessed with these questions. I would google them indefinitely. I wanted answers. I wanted proof and evidence that what I was attempting made sense and had a reasonable chance of success.

But there were no answers.

It actually seemed that in the vast World-Wide Web (yes, that’s an old term for Internet), these questions were not being covered. Which was weird, because I was so used to finding answers and examples and outliers to EVERYTHING on the Internet.

The curious thing was also that in other sports and physical activities, you would always find these outliers. People who achieved something unimaginable despite starting late (I am thinking Josh Waitzkin and his Tai Chi Chuan (Push Hands) success. Extreme example and incredible. Read his book The Art of Learning!)

So what was so different about ballet?

The answer to this question came to me slowly, only years after the frenetic Googling phase.

After diving way deeper into the art, after working with many different teachers, after seeing differences between ballet on two different continents, and after understanding more about the brain, aging (or the lack of it), and learning.

In a nutshell (drumroll): The problem is HOW ballet is taught to someone starting out as an adult.

Or, to say it differently: If you are relying on adult drop-in classes to learn ballet, they will most certainly fail you.

Why? What’s wrong with classes?

There is exactly nothing wrong with classes. We all know they are amazing, and there are amazing teachers out there.

But classes are simply not designed to teach you ballet to a high-level extent comparable to that of a trained dancer. 1) Mainly, because they simply do not provide enough repetitions of everything you need to learn. And 2) also, because they do not offer the time to really address the inside of your body (your anatomy and the biomechanics of positions). And 3) Because your muscles’ Time Under Tension (= the duration of your muscles tensing. Hitting a certain threshold is a requirement for strength gains and muscle growth) is not long enough to build significant strength (which is related to 1) and not enough repetitions).

No other sports activity teaches novice adults like that. Think about learning tennis, or martial arts, or golf. You can easily get tens and even hundreds of repetitions of a given and related movements within one practice session. Your repetitions quickly accumulate.

Not so in a ballet class. The choreographed and ritualistic sequence of a class is what we love about it, what makes it so meditative and lets us forget everything else - but it’s not exactly conducive to building skill quickly. It’s common to hit under ten repetitions of a given movement (for expample a pirouette, a jump, an arabesque) per class. You can see how much slower repetitions accumulate. And it gets worse. Because it doesn’t even necessarily accumulate when you don’t hit a certain threshold of repetitions within a certain time frame - so the training stimulus of a class might be too low to have any meaningful impact. Plus, if you don’t understand in full detail how to really execute a certain movement from the inside (which muscle sequence to fire) - your existing repetitions might prove even less effective.

Sooo….I think that’s why we don’t know how long it takes for an adult to reach the level and confidence of a trained dancer. Or that’s why we think it takes very long, if at all achievable in a late starter’s lifetime. Because we are growing up in a ballet learning paradigm that does not provide enough repetitions.

The message of all this is NOT, however, that your ballerina attempts are futile. Or that you should skip class.

Regular classes are still irreplacable because they provide the vocabulary you need to build the skill of a dancer. The crucial point is that you need to take care of your learning in a way that complements your regular classes intelligently and consistently. That is, if you want to become good at it. But if you are still reading this, that should be a pretty safe assumption, hehe.

So what is an adult ballet dancer with aspirations to do? Here are some practical implications:

1. Try to increase the number of repetitions during class, whenever you can. Instead of waiting during downtimes or when it’s time for your group - can you find space to go along with the other groups, or at least mark? Are there moments when the teacher is giving individualcorrections and you could sneak in a few more tendus or pirouettes? Don’t be shy. Don’t hold yourself back just because you don’t want to appear nerdy or obsessed. We ALL are obsessed.
2. Create a game plan for work outside of class. That doesn’t even have to be so much. If you can make time 2 to 3 times per week, for 15-30 Minutes, it will give your learning quite the boost. Set your focus on 2-3 things for several weeks, and then focus on something else. The important thing is to have a written plan, instead of just having it in your mind. Your mind will fail you in life’s busy pace.
3. Take privates if you have the means for it, simply because there is less of a formal structure to them. During privates you will typically dedicate chunks of time to working on a particular skill. Your teacher can break it down for you. You can go at your own pace.
4. Learn about the insides of your body. This is something that has become even more clear to me after the 2-week online course that I recently taught. I always thought that I was the only one craving more knowledge about how the inside of the body is actually working in the intricacy of ballet technique. But from the feedback and survey responses of my students I saw that it made a huge difference to most of them to actually see visuals of the bones and muscles involved. You don’t have to go too deep into it, you can get a simple (dance) anatomy atlas - but having an idea of the basic anatomy and biomechanics that is at play in your own body will 1) connect you more intimately with it and 2) make it easier for you to activate the correct and most efficient muscle sequences in every postion, step, and move.
5. Surround yourself with people of similar ambition. This can be a game changer. It can be hard to believe you can get really good if everyone else is maybe saying, but not actually living it. Immersion in an environment that applaudes and supports your aspirations and gives you the toolbox for it can make just the difference. Some of us are lucky and find it right away. Sometimes, this takes a bit of searching. In other cases, you may need to actively build it at different corners of the world and online. We thrive in like-minded communities, no matter what niche. So don’t be afraid to go out and look for those ballet-obsessed game rule changers like you!

My vision is that we will slowly create evidence. That’s one of the main reasons why I have decided to start teaching my courses and supporting other adult dancers no matter where you are (so you have 2)-5) from above list covered). I want to contribute to answers and confirmations: For how long it takes to get good, and that it’s shorter than we think. That it’s for sure possible within an adult’s lifetime. I want to support new vocational avenues and opportunities created by adult ballet dancers worldwide. Because why limit yourself to what you can do, when you can just as well take a shot at more?

Curious about your thoughts! Do you have a ballet “practice” outside of your regular classes? Do you do any specific strength work? What are your goals and aspirations as an adult dancer?

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So….if we are friends on Instagram you alread know the big addition to this blog that has come around since the beginning of this year: I have started to walk the talk, to teach what I preach!

In a nutshell: Late to The Party Ballet is evolving into a virtual, ballet-specific performance center for ballet students who started as adults. And because ambitious and brave adult ballet dancers are everywhere, I wanted my teachings to be available from wherever in the world you are located. What better way to do this - than through online courses!

Let me give you a short recap of what has happened over the last two months, how things are evolving, what’s truly and deeply driving me to do this, and what’s up next!

Point ZeroIt had been brewing for a long time. As my lovely reader, you may remember that I have a background in physics and sports, and lots of experience in teaching/coaching professional athletes in strength and conditioning. Plus, all the research and studying about the brain and its ability to change at any age - which came about through my son’s disablity.

And five years ago, I entered the world of adult ballet. I got to dive deeply into it, and witnessed how ballet is taught to beginning adults. How the regular classes are often failing them - and it’s not the classes’ fault! There is simply a discrepancy between the formal content of a class and what the body and brain need in order to change. Into a sculpted ballet body. Displaying the grace and fluidity of a dancer.

And so slowly, by bringing my prior experience into it, and with the help of amazing teachers, my Adult Ballet Body Evolution framework came together. But still - how would I teach this?

The Co-Creation ProcessI came up with a simple answer to this (inspired by learning from a great teacher herself, Lindsay Padilla): By co-creating with exactly the people who would benefit from my material. My students! Letting them tell me what they need. So earlier this year, I launched a first co-creation test shuttle: A 2-week course which I ran through Instagram. Eight students from US/Canada and Europe joined in a private group - and we dug right in. I taught them biomechanics, how to feel proper muscle activation in the body and where, and we even did a barre together on the last day of the course! (Let me know if you would like to take a peak at the course material - I am happy to give you access to the group for three days, so you can get a feel for my philosphy and teaching style).

It was a great way to see how to teach, what works, and what doesn’t. For example, I learned that I was a bit over-ambitious with my content (too much, too fast - that’s just how I roll 😁). I learned the nuts and bolts of technology. It was far from perfect (e.g., I lost several Live videos that I had planned to make available for replay whenever). But it was a great starting point, I got amazing feedback in the outtake surveys (and they were anonymous!) - for taking it up a notch.

Taking Co-Creating Even Further - and Hitting a RoadblockThen something interesting happened (and again, it has to do with too much, too fast :-)). I thought I was ready for The Big One, a real Signature Course. Everything in one 12-week course: Activating the ballet posture, biomechanics, a full strength building program, nutrition, neuroplasticity and skill development (for any skill of your choice). Everything still in “beta” mode, co-creating with anyone signing up for the course.

I geared up all my strength, put out an info/sign-up page, got my payment collection up and running, started promoting it, working on the content and syllabus…..until I realized that something felt weirdly off.

Again - too much, too fast (it’s just my personality). I felt overwhelm. I realized that I was trying to put too much in one course, and that it would probably not only overwhelm students, but also myself teaching it. And that’s kind of a killer for teaching and a good learning experience. Also, I did not see much interest/sign-ups for the course, and I suspected that the price gap between the 2-week course and this 12-week course was maybe a bit steep for some people.

Dialing it Down, to Get it up 💪So I revamped everything! Here is what I decided:

• Split the Big Course into two courses. The first one, starting next week, will still cover all the Adult Ballet Body Evolution juice: Activating the ballet posture, biomechanics, a full strength building program, and basic nutrition. I will teach it over 10 weeks, with two implementation weeks inbetween (in those two weeks I won’t teach new content, but be available for support, questions, and feedback - so you can deepen your understanding and/or catch up)
• Price the first course starting next week 40% lower than the original big course.
• Teach the second course either right after the first one, or later in the fall, depending on student’s needs and wishes. That second course will be a framework for you to pick any ballet skill of your choice that you want to professionally improve. You will learn about neuroplasticity principles, create your own game plan, and then enjoy the before and after videos!)

And btw, in spirit of true co-creation, I did not decide only based on my own impressions. I actually ran my thoughts by a new student who had already signed up for the 12-week course and asked her what she thought about this. This is exactly what I mean - all this is for YOU, so I want YOU to have a say in what YOU need and how it can work best for YOU and me together!

Why am I Creating All This With You?* Because during my time as an adult ballet dancer, I saw that adults starting ballet miss crucial steps and phases that are a natural part of a trained dancer’s training. And that’s where most of the gaps between the appearance of an adult vs trained dancer come from - and not so much from age and starting late! * Because all this is created by a true adult starter herself. I am going through the same pains and sticky points as you, and I have an understanding of what dance body concepts are difficult to grasp. Plus the background to do something about it. * There is so much value in knowing how your body works on the inside. When you know what it is that you are activating, it can help you with activacting correctly. In a regular class, this kind of anatomy- and biomechanics-based approach is often not addressed due to time constraints. * Because I want to create a strong community of adult ballet dancers with aspirations. I believe that this kind of community can create new opportunities and avenues beyond what we think possible. Right now, adult ballet is sort of hovering behind the “real” ballet - why not challenge and shake this up a bit? 💃🎉

Let’s do this together!

More details about the course here!
Or if you can’t wait to sign up - you can do it here 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️

See you on camera! 👩‍🎤

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Is this you: When you stand in first, you have a pretty ok to quite good turn-out.

You may even be able to keep it quite well at the barre, following certain cues and sensations.

But once you get moving in the center, the turn-out goes. Comes back when you think about it, and then you think you have it, but on pictures or videos of yourself - it’s lost again.

Why is it so challenging for adults to lock it in place?

I used to think it was mainly a strength and flexibility issue, and to some degree related to building new movement patterns. But when I taught my first 2-week online course recently, I gained a clearer picture of the issue and the struggle that comes with it. And I finally understood why it’s a struggle specific to adults starting ballet (not so much those who started as kids).

Essentially it has to do how the movement of the hip joint is represented in the brain.

So you may know that the hip joint is a pretty neat thing - it’s a ball and socket joint, which means that it can move almost spherical around the joint center. This is how it looks like in normal life:

From https://par4success.com/articles/hip-mechanics-101

So if you are a typical adult, that’s how you grew up.

In particular, it means that you have certain muscles/groups that are responsible for these movements. Your hip flexors (e.g. psoas, illiacus, quads) move the leg up in front of you; your abductors (e.g. gluteus medius and minimus) bring the leg out to the side; and your hip extensors (e.g. gluteus maximus, hamstrings) lift your leg towards the back. All kind of accessory muscles help out and then everything works in a way that your pelvis is stailized, too.

All this is firmly established in your brain, it happens automatically when you move.

And then you start ballet.

Which means: Everything is still the same, the world is still turning, BUT YOUR HIP JOINTS ARE ROTATED OUT BY 90°. BY DEFAULT. (Ok, maybe not 90°, but let’s for simplicity say close to it.)

What does that mean?

It means that moving your leg up to the front, the side, and the back is still beautifully happening, BUT THE RESPONSIBLE MUSCLE GROUPS ARE SHIFTED BY 90°!

Simply said: Moving your leg to the front has a siginificant contribution from the muscles that usually move your leg towards the inside. Lifting your leg to the side is accomplished by the muscles that usually lift your leg to the front. Moving your leg to the back is taken over by the muscles that usually lift your leg to the side!

Here is an illustration for the side lift case:

My drawings are cool.

(And of course this is a schematic/simplified view of the issue. It’s never black and white in the body. This is a model for thinking about it, and like every model, it is idealized to a certain degree.)

All good, BUT:

Now your brain is pretty lost.

I think that when someone starts their ballet training early in life, the brain simply just builds the “90° switch” over time, without them needing to put much attention onto it.

But starting as an adult, we have to deal with a pretty strong hip joint brain map built over many decades. And the default of this brain map is to lift your leg to the side with your hip abductor muscles, intead of your hip flexor muscle, as a dancer would do.

That is the reason why you’re losing your turn out although you have it - it’s not that you’re not strong or flexible enough, it’s simply because the “wrong” muscle groups take over once you get moving! They are perfectly “right” in normal life, but “wrong” in the case of ballet!

So I think that in regard to hip work as adult-starting students and dancers, a lot of what we need to do is to target rewiring the respective hip joint brain maps. And you can see how this will change EVERYTHING in your ballet, not just your “holding your turnout”. It will enable you to move in a ballet kind of way.

So how do you rewire the brain map for a ballet-type of hip joint movement?

1. Focus on activating specific “points” along the leg, instead of “turning out”. That’s what we started doing in the online course that I refered to above. It shifts the focus from specific muscle activity (where the brain will tend to resort to its default) to focussing on a biomechanical outcome. For example, focusing on a spot on the outside of the hips will make sure that the muscles that are responsible for lifting to the side in normal life, will stabilize your turn out in the back (=90° shifted from the side) of your hip joint.

2. Go slow. I covered this before - it’s a requirement for neuroplastic changes!

3. Awareness. This is crucial for initiating neuroplastic changes, too. Using the first slow barre exercises to scan through all the points continously keeps graining the new 90°-rotated movement into the brain map.

4. Understanding. Even just the understanding and developing a perception for the fact that your hip joint muscle activity shifts by 90° is a powerful trigger for changes in the brain. So having a mental picture of the shifting geometry, playing with small movements and feeling muscle activity by placing your hand around the joint is a good way to start.

So: Losing your turn-out during center work - doesn’t have to be you any more! As all neuroplastic changes, this will take time. But once the concept of the 90° shift clicks for you - it’s a pretty big turning point! (Haha.)

Does this viewpoint make sense to you? Or do you naturally hold your turnout no matter what? (In that case - what’s your secret sauce?? :-P) And if all this speaks to you - then join the online course tribe of adults who don’t settle! If not - then let’s just stay friends anyway ❤

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I didn’t make the cut.

Well, what was I thinking? Auditioning for the prestigous Canada’s National Ballet School Teacher Training Program, really? As an adult ballet starter, after, like, less than five years of ballet experience? And hoping to make it to the next round?

I must admit that while I did not have any expectations, and I certainly shouldn’t have had them, I did feel a sting of disappointment.

I had been playing with the idea of starting to teach ballet for a while. Maybe over the past year, when things truly started coming together for me and the relevatory sense that came from it. I felt that I was discovering a system of how to build this from scratch. Plus, I have a background in teaching and coaching, always enjoyed it, so it felt like a potentially organic next step.

So I did a bit of thinking and research, and saw that the National Ballet School’s teacher training audition was coming up. While I was not sure if I was really a good fit for the program, I decided that the audition would be a good start to learn more about it. I also liked that they had a two-step process: A first-round audition day in January, and a second-round four-day audition in late spring. And since two of my teachers happily agreed to write the required reference letters, I thought I wasn’t completely out of my senses for giving it a try.

It was my first ever audition for anything. I pretty much felt like all the 5th/6th grade kids who were auditioning on the same day. Only that their buns were much neater than mine.

Plus, it was quite the day. First off, my son decided pretty much last minute that he did NOT want to come with me. While this made some things easier, it also meant I had to prepare some stuff for him pretty much last minute, as I would be away for about four hours. Next, I open the door and to my shocking surprise, about 10-20cm of snow had fallen over night. (I had been so wrapped up all morning, that I hadn’t even looked out of the window.) Meaning, chaos and slow pace on Toronto’s streets. Resulting in delayed busses. I had planned in some buffer, and the bus delay did eat it up to the last minute.

And then the worst: As I got ready in the change room, I discovered that I had packed one old and one new ballet slipper when I prepared my bag the night before. (I had done it in half-darkness, and just hadn’t noticed.)

And even worse than the worst: For the first time ever, I was doing ballet only in a leotard and tights UNDER it! So not the cool way over it, which I was more familiar with. I felt so exposed. And then! The lady teaching the class came up to me right before the class started and with a whispering voice asked if I could wear my tights inside the slippers (my tights were convertible Zarelys and I always wear them just above the ankle). Oh, and being reduced to a number pinned to my leotard was kind of new to me as well.

I managed. I wasn’t outstanding, I felt off my legs, but I really got into it and enjoyed it. (I am so glad I took the masterclass with Evan McKie last year - this way I had already had the experience of being watched in class!). I even forgot that I was wearing two different slippers. It was a short class, just one hour, barre, center, and a few minutes of pointe work at the end. Mirrors were covered (that was a tough one for me! Showed me once again how much I rely on visual feedback.) The atmosphere was professional and formal, but at the same time welcoming and kind. We were 12 candidates, 11 women and one man. I don’t really know how I compared to the others, as I was so focussed on myself. Well, ok, I watched the guy a bit during center work. I always enjoy watching men jump. He was really good.

We were rushed out of the studio right away after class, and the interviews (about 5 minutes per person) began 10 minutes later. All five candidates before me came out with a radiant smile - they had received their rose. Meaning, their letter of acceptance to the second round in April.

Until it was my turn. I went in and sat down in front of the three-person panel that had been teaching and observing the class. The head of the program asked a bit about my background and then came straight to the point: Essentially, my ballet was not where she would accept me into the full-time program (FYI: it’s a one-year, six-day-per-week gig) at this point.

I asked for specifics, she said barre was pretty confident, but that my center work vocabulary was not strong enough.

She suggested that I start with the Professional Development options while continuing to work on my skills. Possibly considering working towards a RAD or Cechetti intermediate exam. She offered that I could get in touch with her over the summer, and discuss which of the Professional Development options would be a good fit. And after all this, try the audition again in a year.

That was it. I was out, and back into the Toronto snow storm. In fact, I didn’t have much time to be disappointed, because an hour of snow shoveling was awaiting me upon my return home. And a super hungry kid, who hadn’t found the time to eat his breakfast in between the many Youtube videos that he watched during my absence.

But the back of my mind was on it, for the rest of the day. During my evening meditation. As I slept. Today.

At first it was disappointment, and maybe even more so feeling LOST.

I think that secretly and subconciously, apart from hoping to get to the next round, part of me had hoped to simply get some formal validation and recognition of all the hard work, of getting far despite starting late and not long ago. And I thought that with the “no”, I hadn’t gotten it. And now what. Did it make sense to continue doing ballet and aspiring something beyond just taking classes? How would I go about it? Did I have what it takes to be a ballet person of any kind?

But with time, it dawned on me.

First of all - she was right.

My vocabulary, my fluency, especially in center work, definitely needs more strength and clarity. I thought how most of the classes I had taken especially over the past 1-2 years have really helped me find the strength and solidify the basic movement patterns in ballet, exposed me to performing - but they had not exposed me to a large enough vocabulary. And yes, if I want to teach, I definitely need to expand it. In a way, honestly at this point, I wouldn’t be the kind of ballet teacher that I want to be.

And then suddenly I realized what I had done.

I had just auditioned at one of the most prestigous ballet schools, for one of the most prestigous teacher training programs. I had brougth myself into a situation with candidates that had done ballet since or in childhood/youth. I was possibly a year away from getting into it. I had had my first formal audition experience. With two different ballet slippers and tights under EVERYTHING.

So yes, it does make sense to aspire something beyond taking classes. I just need more time. In a way “failing” this audition has taken some pressure off doing things too quickly. It’s ok to let my learnings, insights, improvements and aspirations settle a bit longer, let them integrate into the nervous system more deeply before taking the next step. And continue to “just” take classes.

So while not making the cut, this whole audition experience now feels profound and gratifying. I got to experience the incredible professionalism and smooth organization of this school, which showed me how much I resonate with this kind of excellent environment. I got to meet some fabulous soon-to-be teachers-in-training.

And I learned that I can dance on two different kind of slippers, and totally forget about it.

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Working with someone who WANTED to work with me, limiting space, and you bet the tone of this work did not include chit-chat.

What can you learn about ballet, creativity, and living a good life - from nine full back-to-back days spent in a spacious and beautiful ballet studio? When you are free to do anything you want?

It’s been a month since the first day of the Residency Programme. And while I am still happy and honored that my application got accepted and I got to spend time in this amazing environment, I also see it matter-of-factly as what it was to my body and brain: A lot of studio time – more than I have ever had since I took up ballet. No teacher telling me what to do, no combinations to follow – everything was completely up to me.

So looking back with a bit distance now, I realized that the impact of these nine days went far beyond choreographing two ballet solos. I learned so much about learning ballet, about my creative process, and about living life. So I thought I’d extract some of my major learnings – maybe you enjoy them, too!

1 - Have ONE goal, and cut everything else if neededSo I had a plan for every day, which included time for choreography, but also lots of technical work, stretching, pointe work etc - because I assumed that I wouldn’t be able to choreograph and rehearse all day. Which was good thinking, but once I got started, it turned out that I was able to choreograph and rehearse for much longer than thought. Moreover, I actually needed more time for it. So when it became clear that there was not enough time for everything, I reminded myself of my main goal: CREATING TWO SOLOS. This is the only thing that counted. This strong goal-focus made it clear (although not easy) to radically cut almost all the technical and pointe work that I had hoped to do, and only keep a warm-up routine and some end-of-day stretching and releases.

This nicely transfers to any worthwhile endeavour in life: Determine and laser-focus on your goal, and then cut the rest - even if it feels painful and despite an acute bout of FOMO. It will keep you on track and save you from overwhelm and burn-out.

2 - Choose people who WANT to support you (vs. those that you wish would support you)I had pretty glorious ideas for who I wanted to be in this with me, to teach and mentor me as much as possible. Turned out that one of the people that I had particularly hoped to bring in couldn’t care less. I don’t blame them! Everyone is busy, especially the two weeks before Christmas. But still. I kept hoping.

The hope was, of course, pointless. On the other hand, someone I didn’t expect to be that interested in helping came in big time. And our sessions were not only helpful - they were simply mindblowing. I told that her that working with her was one of the best things I have done in a long time. She immediately “got” what I needed.

It’s like in real life, too. A friend of mine recently told me how she had started adopting the motto “Choose the people that choose you” a while ago. So true. All too easy we can get wrapped up in trying to get noticed/liked/supported by certain people and it’s hard to swallow that the interest might not be mutual. This can apply to friends, co-workers, potential partners, celebreties on Instagram etc. So sometimes it’s good to take a good, honest look: Who are we chasing without much return - and who, on the other hand, is genuinely interested in us, our success, our aspirations?

3 - Have a strict plan for the beginning of the day and “routinefy” as much as you canOh the empty space. All that time. The endlessness of creativity.

It can get so overwhelming. Especially when you do something for the first time and don’t really know what you are doing. And discover that you need to essentially scrap half of your plan.

What really kept me going and built my focus for the day was to stick to my warm-up plan first thing in the morning. So the first 1-1.5 hours were the same every day. Winning the morning sets the tone for the day.

Beyond the morning, I tried to create other little routines that would not change much from day to day. Like, preparing my bag the night before. Eating lunch at mostly the same time every day. Finish of with a long barre stretch. Take an Epsom salt bath every night. These were the small things that kept me grounded in a whirlwind of novelty and creativity.

I see that in my daily life, too: My morning routine is maybe small and unspectacular (getting up, showering with warm water, showering with cold water, having the same breakfast every day, preparing my son’s lunch and sending him off to school, cleaning the breakfast table, making the beds, light movement practice), but it’s huge for getting me into a particular mindset and energy for the day.

4 - You can overtax your body, but make sure you pay backI think that the term “balance” is overrated and overused. I believe that worthwhile projects will always take you off balance - it’s in their nature, that is, if they’re truly worthwhile.

These nine days were tough on my body. At the same time, I did not expect to fully recover from one day to the next. It’s unrealistic to expect the body to adapt when spiking up physical load by this much from one day to the next. It will be taxing, and it will take more from the body than it can rebuild during that time.

But you don’t need to avoid it either! The point is to understand what it takes, and at what point you will be able to “pay back your dues” = getting rest and allowing your body to process the sudden spike in input.

5 - Fuel smartlyNutrition has always come quite intuitive to me, I pretty much always ate what I felt like. When it came to training hard, I would just eat as much as I could.

Over the past years, this approach has changed for me to some extent. I added many new nutritional habits after a long stretch of severe virus and bacterial infections and a consequently weakened immune system a few years ago. Overall, I have come to value the quality of food much more than before. Also, I have started losely following The Plant Paradox’s nutritional recommendations.

These nine days required particularly smart eating, as I couldn’t “eat as much as I could” when I wanted to dance all day. Plus, I didn’t have any time to prepare food during the day.

What I did was to cook in advance the day before my Residency started, and same thing on my off-day half-way through. This way both myself and my son had a good dinner in no time every night. For lunch, I was fortunate enough to have access to the National Ballet’s cafeteria - which was certainly not the cheapest choice, but this was I was sure to get excellent and obviously dance-compatible food.

6 - Expect fails and set-backsYou can plan for everything - and you should plan for failing, too. In my case: I didn’t sleep too well during my Residency, although I needed sleep badly for proper recovery. To me, the most important thing was to not get derailed by it. Yes, time was pretty tight for creating and sufficiently rehearsing two solos, and being tired was a major roadblock. But getting all stressed out about being tired would not help. So on one particularly exhausted day, I decided to go with it and use the fatigue to guide me to new places. And it did - it inspired me to look for simplicity, which led to a beautiful beginning and end of one of my choreographies (simple port de bras, standing in fifth position).

Every worthwhile project has its desasters (or moments that subjectively feel like it). You can either get all frustrated and discouraged - or you can simply run with it!

7 - Set limits and boundaries and self-impose accountabilityThis was a biggie.

It’s fun to think of creative project as free-flow, limitless fireworks. Anthing goes, the sky is the limit.

But if I have learned one thing - ironically, the best things happen within well-confined boundaries. Not despite, but because of lack of resources. Limited time, money, space - all of which lets your creative mind go above and beyond.

Here are some examples from my Residency: Even before my first day, I imposed a strong limit on my available time for creating my choreographies - by scheduling a showing for family and friends. This way, I would not get lost in endless perfectionizing. I wanted to make myself “ship early”, meaning having a working version of the two solos on the last day of the Residency.

Another limit was something my mentor Sarah suggested: Confine the studio space to a size that I would most likely have for a street performance. She was so right. Otherwise the huge studio would have lured me into using all of it - and then get all shocked by the little space I would have on the street!

Often, money is a limited resource and it’s so easy to give in into the “I can’t do this because I don’t have the money”. One of the biggest fallacies of all. NO. Do it BECAUSE you don’t have the money. Take a first step. Find ways. It will probably be very surprising to see what you come up with!

8 -Do at least one thing that goes against your grainTrue creativity goes beyond. But it won’t happen if you keep doing what is familiar to you. I think it’s crucial to strategically create small, uncomfortable moments in order to unlock novelty and innovation from your nervous system.

I have already mentioned one - to me, it was to go simple in certain parts of my choreographies. Even simpler than simple. Simple to the point of “Is this really enough? Or will people turn away because it’s so boring?” (We will see in the spring, haha.)

One other thing I did: I made myself meet NBC staff members during lunch, in the cafeteria. I went to their table and asked if I could join them, even though I didn’t know anyone. Highly uncomfortable for me, but so worthwhile, even just for getting over the discomfort. If I could do this, then I could do anything else I wanted to get done that day.

9 - Set the tone for your workThis was an interesting one, something I hadn’t necessarily considered conciously before - it slowly dawned on me over the nine days. When you work on your own, you may not think much about a “work culture”/values like a big company would have, but you still have it. It is essentially the question: How do you approach and act when you are in your creative space?

For me, one of the main things was: Eliminate or reduce distractions.

In practice, that meant: Not being aimlessly on my phone, no social media browsing, and no chit-chatting in the studio. It was sacred space. It’s funny - there was one situation where two people were engaged in a conversation while I didn’t think much of it. Suddenly I felt I surge of impatience and annoyance - not because I didn’t want them to have a nice, casual conversation, but because I felt like the energy of it didn’t match what I was trying to get done during the precious time that I had in the studio. So I cut the conversation short. At first I was a bit afraid to say something, it felt like I was being rude, but then I clearly felt good. As weird as it may sound, I was protecting the sacred space.

10 - Plan for lots of rest afterwards and celebrate the magicFinally! This may sound obvious, but how often do we fall from one project to the next, from one responsibility to the other, with only little or no downtime in between. I like to think of over-exaggerating this part - plan for more rest than you think you need. I knew that I would have a 2.5 week Christmas vacation after the intense and taxing day at the studio. I made sure to have Prosecco with my friends after the showing. Anything that lets you enjoy what you have just accomplished. And it can be smaller than that. Maybe it’s taking a few minutes to stop at your favorite coffee place between work and returning to your family. Or just take a day off to sit on the sofa. I keep reminding myself of something I read in a book on women’s health a long time ago - pretend that you are sick occasionally, even though you aren’t. But take the rest as if. It could very likely be one of the most healthy habits ever!

With that, my Christmas break full of travelling, reconnecting with family and friends in Europe, and much less ballet than usual (5 classes in a 2.5 week span, with ten days off in between) – is coming to an end! I am excited to be back in Canada and go back to the usual routine of everyday life and ballet – and to reconnect with you guys, too!

Does any of this resonate with you? What in particular? Or do you disagree with some points? What kind of habits for learning/getting creative/living do you have? Would you share them with us in the comments? I love hearing from you and enjoy any conversation we get going!

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Hello lovely reader, happy new year to you!

In the last article, I had proudly mentioned my acceptance into The National Ballet of Canada’s Residency Programme. In a nutshell: The National Ballet of Canada recently launched this program, which basically comprises 1-2 weeks of free studio time at the NBC’s home base on the lakeshore of Toronto. The whole idea and concept is a brainchild of Choreographic Associate Rob Binet - he decided that it’s kind of a pity to leave all the beautiful studios empty while the company trains at their theater during certain performance periods. So the Residency Programme was born - it allows dancers from all walks of life to apply with a little project that they would like to work on during that time.

In my case, I applied - without much hope - with the idea to create two new ballet solos for street performances. I didn’t want to give myself any slack, haha, so I applied for the first available block of nine full studio days in early/mid December. Realistically, I didnt think that my application would go through, so I didnt prepare myself for it - but at least I didn’t make any appointments during that time, just in case. Well, the application went through and I had 10 days to organize EVERYTHING, like, where my son would be, teachers and mentors, my musician/singer friend, new pointe shoes etc. All that while I am still quite new to Canada, and have a child with a handicap, so just finding people he could stay with proved to be quite challenging (in the end I took him along to the studio on the weekend days). But when something is meant to be, it just happens.

Anyway. I did a sort of a daily recap on Instagram throughout all nine days, but I know not everyone is on Instagram, so I thought I would share my Instagram recaps here in this blog post (thanks god for embedding technology!). And if you follow me on Instagram - well, maybe you missed one or you enjoyed them so much that you want to give it another read. Here we go!

Day 1 - Goals and Lots of Empty Space

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an National Ballet of Canada's Residency Programme, DAY 1. . My main goal for the residency: Choreograph two solos for my street performances in the spring and summer 2019. . . I was so intimidated by all the empty space, physically, and creatively. That air of excellence everywhere. Even just the dancers' pictures on the walls 🙈😁 . So I took the smallest step possible. Looked at my warm-up plan for the day and got started. . Started the first solo's music, which is a bit of an experiment, a sassy country style, listened, moved, don't know what happened, and half of the song was choreographed. (Swipe left + turn on sound to see some raw beginnings.) I felt empty, my brain strained from doing something it wasn't used to (creating dances). . In the afternoon, my mentor @trickyruth came in. My empty brain gratefully picked up her corrections, and her ideas for the second half. Especially that manege that will require everything from me 😁 We did and tried, and corrected, and played, and there it was. Working version of first solo completed. DONE. For the day. . That empty space wasn't easy. It wasn't comfortable or smooth at all. But it was possible. And so deeply satisfying. . . Huge gratitude to @nationalballet and @rbinet for the generous studio time, and for the visionary Residency Programme initiative! And special thanks to @trickyruth - for sensing what I needed today, and for sharing her experience, clean technique, calmness, and creativity with me 🙏 . #ballet #residencyprogramme #choreography #newlanguage #immersion #directorsstudio #waltercarsencentre #brainfood

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 6, 2018 um 6:49 PST

Day 2 - Exhaustion and Simplicity

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency, DAY 2. I was a complete mess today. Already tired from the past weeks, last night's restless sleep completely wiped me out. In fact I was so out of it today, that I forgot to put on mascara and eyeliner this morning, which hasn't happened since I started using make-up in my teenage years. . And I wanted to choreograph my second solo today. Dream on. . But my deranged state turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Because I had so little energy, I decided to make this day about simplicity, and efficiency, of both my approach to choreography, but also in my movements. . So I actually prepared the piece much better before I even started. I looked for the "story structure" in the music, broke it down into digestable chunks. . And while I did create dynamic elements, like jumps en manege, turns etc, I alternated them with moments of almost stillness. Maybe just a head movement. Slow, articulated port de bras. Walks. Simple steps. (I am actually obsessed with learning how to walk beautifully. Anyone else, too? It's so hard, but it can add so much suspense to a dance.) See two examples from somewhere in the middle and at the end of my choreography. . So I did finish this beast - which means that both solos are done, and I am on schedule so far! And I am almost grateful for my restless night - or let's say for the the discoveries that it entailed. Still, aiming for more sleep in the future. Also because I am starting to put everything on pointe from tomorrow on, so the easy days are over 😁 . Thanks to @avinoamsilverman for bringing some life into my arabesques and pirouettes this morning 🙏 . #ballet #workinprogress #adultballerina #adultballet #adultballetlearning #creating #choreography #bach #johannsebastianbach #jagdkantate #huntingcantata #wasmirbehagt #simplicity #balletwalk #portdebras

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 7, 2018 um 5:41 PST

Day 3 - Pointe Work Spike

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency DAY 3. (You HAVE to turn on sound on for this one. This woman. Her voice 🔥) So imagine having a drink with your singing-guitar-playing friend, jokingly considering to do a street performance together, and next thing you know you're rehearsing in the National Ballet of Canada's Directors' studio 😁✌️ . While juggling motherhood and building stamina on pointe. The first one was pretty easy, when I got over my screen--and device time guilt. . The latter hit me a bit unexpectedly, I had simply forgotten that going from about 0.5 hour per day (if at all) pointe work lately, to more than 3 hours today would roast my feet. So my bourré and everything look a bit, well, roasted 😁 Good opportunity to work more on arms and articulation. . But who's counting. Six more days ahead, and despite all the juggling and physical challenge, I just feel endlessly blessed. . #ballet #adultballet #residencyprogramme #nationalballetofcanada #motherhood #patientkid #shejustwantstodance #jagdkantate

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 8, 2018 um 8:01 PST

Day 4 - Standing on Two Legs

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency DAY 4. Little shift, big impact. It was a short day today (4h), and I was feeling pretty beat. So apart from working on the diagonals and maneges of my solos, I used some time for a) breaking in a new pair of pointe shoes and b) some sensing work, i.e. noticing and playing with little postural and technical details that I usually don't have enough time for. . Like: standing on two legs. . I had been noticing that I tend to be a bit too far back. You see this in the left pic - how my weight is in my heels. Also, you can see how the neck muscles are tense, because the head pulls forward to compensate for the ribcage being too far back. This is especially a thing for me in pointe shoes, just because the foot is in less contact with the floor, and the front of the foot is more squeezed. . The right pic may not be so different, but it is 😊 You can see from the line between the mirrors that my ribcage has moved front. The neck is relaxed, and the weight is more evenly distributed along the foot. . All this makes a big difference for moving - much easier and more powerful to transition from one leg to the other when the weight is more in the front. . Anyone else wrestling with this? How do you work on it? . #ballet #smallthingsmatter #dowhatyoucan #awareness #residencyprogramme #nationalballetofcanada #adultballetstudent #posture #alignment

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 9, 2018 um 7:50 PST

Day 5 - Collaborating, When You’re an Introvert

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency DAY 5. Collaborating, when you're an introvert. . I am quite good at working on my own. In fact, I would go as far as to say that it's my preferred mode of creating. It's in solitude that I am able to reach deep and come out with good stuff (sometimes), in typical introvert fashion. (It can be a tough stance to take, in a world that favors team players and extroversion! ) . At the same time, it's only in connection with others where the true magic happens. . So one of the most important parts of this Residency was to get over my fear of showing my most vulnerable, the flaws of my work, my insecurities and hopes to others. I connected with teachers, friends, mentors and my idea was to work with at least one person every day. I was lucky to get together a group of smart, experienced and super kind people, on a very short notice! . So while I enjoy the solitude of an empty studio, everyone who has joined me there has made everything so much better 🙏❤️ . Pictured: @kate_kernaghan who has been so supportive of this whole blog idea from the start, and is introducing me to Fletcher Pilates. @trickyruth who is super helpful in cleaning up my choreographies. Pictures by @rollyastrom who patiently put up with my obsessed Residency self today 😁 . #ballet #adultballetlearning #pilates #choreography #collaboration #solitude #creating #improving #together #residencyprogramme . Supported by the @nationalballet of Canada's Residency Programme.

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 10, 2018 um 8:17 PST

Day 6 - Accountability Over Everything

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency Programme DAY 6 – accountability! . Working on your own and being in charge of your schedule is nice! At the same time, there is a downside to this freedom: the risk of not getting anything done. Or – getting too ambitious and ending up in non-productive perfectionism. . So to me, self-imposed accountability is super important when being in a self-directed project like this. Or in other words: Showing your work before you are ready to show it. . Here are three things I do for accountability during my Residency Programme: . 1. Working with collaborators/teachers/mentors, because you’re constantly showing yourself. . 2. Daily write-ups here for you guys – because it makes me reflect and solidify my day’s work and learning experience, and I am putting raw material in front of the eyes of an international audience 😃 So thanks to all of you for the help! I really enjoy your comments and encouragement. . 3. The most important: performing, as soon as possible. Also, because my actual street performances are still months away. So what I did shortly after I got the acceptance letter: I scheduled a private showing for the last day of my Residency. And today, before I took class at the In Studio (the National Ballet’s adult program), I asked my lovely teacher @kate_kernaghan if I could perform my pieces after class, for the students. She agreed, the students, too 🙏 This was actually quite interesting: While the setting didn’t change much (it was still in a studio, in front of people I mostly knew), EVERYTHING changed 😊 It takes so much more energy to perform in front of others, and it was such valuable feedback to feel what was working alright and what wasn’t at all. Thanks to everyone for sticking around after class! . Honestly, it’s not that it’s the most pleasant thing to show work that is still in progress. It’s quite uncomfortable. You’re essentially showing mistakes and flaws. But it’s also very liberating, because then you don’t have to hide them. . *** Other than that: More Pilates ❤️ (torso length!), and rehearsal focus for today: diagonals/manege of the Bach solo 🏞️ . #ballet #residencyprogramme #adultballerina #workinprogress #accountability

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 12, 2018 um 6:29 PST

Day 7 - Brain = Empty

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency DAY 7 – I wish I could write something smart, but the truth is, I am not capable of coherent thoughts any more for today :-) It’s been an intense seven Residency Programme days so far - two more to go -, and I think I haven’t pushed myself physically that much since playing hockey a decade ago. Well, a different kind of pushing, but still 😊 . And it’s not only the physicality of it all – it’s also experiencing myself in a new environment, doing things that I never expected I would be doing. Like, choreographing ballet solos. Being in pointe shoes several hours per day. Putting together a little showing (coming up in two days!). Inviting other artists to collaborate with me. Feels a bit like – what happened in the 40 years before that? And can this not stop, please? 🙏 . Enjoyed a beautiful rehearsal with my gorgeous singer-guitar-player, was blessed to have @rollyastrom come in again today and document the day with his beautiful "record shots", all of us had to rush out for a fire alarm (turned out to be a false one), brainstormed ideas for costumes and how to tie the three (very different in style) solos together for the showing, all the while trying to pace myself today: still making good use of the studio time, but not go full out too much. (My body was clearly indicating that it needed a bit more time for adaptations, while I was pointing out that this all-day thing won’t go for that much longer. My body got the last word, tough. Luckily, I learned just a tiny bit since those hockey days a decade ago 😊) . Yep, recovery. Epsom salt baths every night; preparing nourishing food for a few days in advance, enjoying the amazing lunches at the National Ballet’s cafeteria, hydrating. Sleep could still work a bit better, but I don’t blame it. . Throwing my empty brain and tired body into lots of Epsom salt right now. Will return with more coherent thoughts tomorrow! . #ballet #ballerina #adultballerina #adultballet #residencyprogramme #nationalballetofcanada #tired #butveryhappy #rehearsal #livemusic #johannsebastianbach #blues #workinprogress #newbeginnings #andendings

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 13, 2018 um 7:31 PST

Day 8 - You Fall to The Level of Your Training.

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency DAY 8 – You fall to the level of your training. . So this was the last day of building and rehearsing my choreographies. Just so I would have a goal for these Residency days, I decided to have a showing on the last day – a casual gig for family and friends, in the studio. In other words: Showtime tomorrow! 🤗 . I used to be very, very nervous before any kind of occasions where I would be speaking/presenting/performing in front of others, even in very informal settings. And I do still get the butterflies to some extent….but it doesn’t consume me as much any more. I think what has helped me is nicely captured by a saying that I have come to love so much: “You don’t rise to the level of your expectations, you fall to the level of your training.” . So liberating. . It basically means: Yes, I can have all the hopes and expectations for a magnificent performance, where everything works, even much better than in rehearsal. The truth is, though, that it may very likely not happen. . But the good thing is – it can’t get worse than all the training I have put into it! The level of my training is who I am and what I am able to do at this point. Which is more than enough. . To me, this takes away a lot of pressure. It allows me to trust and let myself be carried by that foundation of all previous work. . Speaking of it: I was so lucky to have incredible “trainers” throughout the past days. Even still today, another eye-opening mentoring/coaching session with @trickyruth, where she took me through her process of getting into character and space of a dance performance. Shoutout also to @kate_kernaghan and @avinoamsilverman for their helpful contributions and support. And of course to the man @rollyastrom for capturing the mood, sweat, and joy of this incredible opportunity. And I so appreciate the love of all the friends who have come in or will come in tomorrow for the showing. This is so much better with you! . Special thanks to @rbinet and @nationalballet – this Residency Programme is an incredibly generous way of sparking creativity and community! #ballet #residencyprogramme #showtime #performing #levelofyourtraining #adultballet

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 14, 2018 um 7:26 PST

Day 9 - Final day/showing!

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an Residency Programme DAY 9 – So at first I wanted to be really unhappy with many technical aspects of my performance during the showing last night. Despite having an absolutely amazing night, with wonderful people, and so much fun performing. But you know how it goes: Some steps hadn't worked. And after the show I saw so much in the videos that I know I can do better. . So just before my head started spinning its own thing, I made myself remember a few noteworthy things. That within and for NINE days, I had . made time to completely bury myself in a studio all day (as a single mother) . made sure that my son (who has a handicap) still got to live a good life and was well taken care of etc . eaten well the entire time, despite almost no time for it . stayed healthy, despite ramping up my training load by about 300% from one day to the next . made time for an Epsom salt bath every night . biked to the studio and back with a heavy (full ballet day) backpack, in any weather conditions . Organized teachers and mentors to come in on a super short notice . Started a collaboration with a guitar player/singer, danced ballet to a completely different style (Blues/Country) . Choreographed two ballet solos, with almost no prior choreographing experience . Staged a 45min show, for the first time ever, which included not only my solos, but also readings of texts I had previously written . and . the . list . goes . *on . And I am unhappy with technical aspects of my performance?? . Please. Give me a break 😁 🤦 . (Videos to come soon! 💞) . #ballet #residencyprogramme #nationalballetofcanada #choreography #adultballet #adultballerina #streetballerina #shownight #amazingnight #enjoy

Ein Beitrag geteilt von Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) am Dez 16, 2018 um 8:50 PST

Thank you for following along!

The process and work described in this and the following article were made possible by the generous support of The National Ballet of Canada’s Residency Programme.

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So as a loyal reader to the blog, you may have noticed an unusually long gap since the last post. (Or not. I know. Life is very busy, especially at this time of the year, and ballet blog posts don’t get your Christmas shopping done.) Although if you follow me on Instagram, you know all about it (unless, the algorithm ~sigh~).

The story in a nutshell: In early November, an Instagram post by the National Ballet of Canada caught my eye:

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an The National Ballet is giving away over 1,000 hours of free studio space to dance artists across all disciplines in the GTA. Interested? Applications are now being accepted. @kokomatata 📷 by @eldjml

Ein Beitrag geteilt von The National Ballet of Canada (@nationalballet) am Nov 6, 2018 um 9:01 PST

Something in me lit up. This is exactly what I was looking for. I wanted to choreograph more pieces for street performances, but had trouble finding (studio) space for it.

At the same time, I thought: Yeah right.

All the things that would stand against it came up. Like: I am too old. I am not skilled enough, all the best Toronto-based dancers will apply for this. Plus, I am only by myself, they probably prefer to give the studio to groups/companies. And besides, how am I going to make time to be in the studio all day for 1-2 weeks?

But I kind of liked the idea of applying and giving it a try. I was also intrigued by the application process, where you basically had only 300 words to describe yourself, your work, and what you would do during the residency time, plus 5min of video footage that you were allowed to submit. That was it. So the application forced me to be really clear and concise about my goals and intentions - a clarification process that would be beneficial no matter the application outcome!

I applied ✌️Will you? 😊 So here are two things: . 1. As adult ballet dancers and late starters we often experience the lack of performance opportunities. And yes, it's true. That one show case a year, if at all, is not very much. So the conclusion, to me, is that we need to step up and create our own performance opportunities. . 2. I am inspired and delighted by this new project of the National Ballet of Canada. "Residency" means that basically they are giving away studio time - for free. And: Anyone can apply! I think it's a wonderful and very generous idea to connect the elite ballet world with the immediate community. You can use the time to choreograph, rehearse, and/or study movement. . So the essence of this: My application (I would use the time to create and rehearse new ballet street performance solos) will very likely NOT be accepted - studio space is limited and there are probably enough higher-level dancers applying for this. And yet I am posting this - because I am so grateful that here is even an opportunity to apply! In any case this application is forward momentum. AND I hope that if YOU are a dancer in/around Toronto, you will apply, too! Deadline for December times is today, but you can still apply for times in the new year later. AND if you are a dancer elsewhere, that you will find and jump on other chances to create 💃🕺Go for it 💪 . Also, this post sort of prepares for my upcoming blog post. Which will deal with how to go about a late calling to ballet. Stay tuned 😍 #ballet #adultballet #creating #rehearsing #workinprogress #residency #choreography #lifelonglearning #lifelongcreating #goforit #forwardmomentum #greatproject #toronto #balletintoronto #nboc #balletcompanieseverywhereshoulddothis

20 Likes, 10 Comments - Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) on Instagram: "I applied ✌️Will you? 😊 So here are two things: . 1. As adult ballet dancers and late starters we..."

While I didn’t really have any expecations, I kind of tentatively did not make any plans for the block of time that I had applied for. I tried to keep it as free as possible, just in case.

The acceptance email came on one of the most rainy and dark Monday mornings that I have ever experienced in this city. And it’s funny, when I felt my phone vibrate, as I was leaving for my morning class that day, I kind of knew it in my bones, before I had even taken the phone out of my pocket. I was delighted, Thrilled. I couldn’t think straight for the rest of the day.

IT'S A YASSS!! On this most super-grey Toronto day ever, just before I biked to class, through the pouring rain, I got THE email: My application for the National Ballet of Canada's brand-new Residency Programme was ACCEPTED! Meaning: I am invited to 9 days of free studio time at the NBOC's home base, starting - next week! 🙈😱 I probably shouldn't officially announce yet as I haven't signed the agreement yet, but I am just so super excited and wanted to share this with you guys. Thanks to all of you who wished and sent me lots of luck! . Now the hard work begins: Organizing babysitters and friends to take care of my son 😁 (some of the days are on weekends and evenings) . Will share more soon. I am still too shocked 😁 For now, closing with this: Keep working, believing, and creating opportunities! 💃🕺😘 . #nboc #residency #adultballerina #creating #newstreetperformances #createyourownstage #takeachance

76 Likes, 32 Comments - Patricia (MSc, B of Sports) (@latetothepartyballet) on Instagram: "IT'S A YASSS!! On this most super-grey Toronto day ever, just before I biked to class, through the..."

I had ten days to get everything organized. Teachers, mentors, my live music collaborator, babysitting friends, a plan….But as always, once you do what is up for you, things work itself out.

I will post a recap of the nine days in my next blog post.

So my message here: What you do might be more compelling than you think, even if you don’t think it is. That’s something I learned from my email correspondence with the initiator of the Residency Programme and selection committee member, Choreographic Associate Rob Binet: What I thought stood against me (too old, started too late) was actually much appreciated by the committee. They were excited to create an opportunity for someone who was not trained since childhood.

It’s always worth a try - because at the very least, it will get you a step closer and clearer to whereever you’re headed!

The process and work described in this and the following article were made possible by the generous support of The National Ballet of Canada’s Residency Programme.

Does this article resonate in any way? Have you taken steps to challenge yourself in your ballet learning? Or maybe you are thinking about it? Or not at all? Curious to hear where you’re at!

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Not to worry - reading this blog article does not require a background in science! #youcandoit

So that pirouette thing continues spinning my head. For the first time ever, I had like two weeks in a row where I was consistently doing a double on the left side - a nice one even, not just getting around. But then last week I think I lost it again. It was better again today. So much for consistency.

There is an endless number of cues and corrections when learning and mastering a pirouette. From which one has always stood a bit out for me: Spotting.

What I have always wondered, from all the things you can focus on - how important is spotting when you are just learning a pirouette, or a double, or triple (I guess after that you got the hang of it, so you don’t need that question any more!)? And what actually happens during a spot, with your head, your eyes, and your brain? And if you know all that, how can that help you with learning to pirouette?

Here is a little teaser: From all I have researched so far, spotting and what it actually triggers in the brain is possibly the main reason why it can take many, many years to turn well consistently. So, if after five years of ballet training, you still get frustrated over your turns, although you feel like you are strong enough for them - add another five years, and things might look much different.

At least that’s what one super interesting study from England suggests.

Spotting 101But let’s start with some basics. Why do you spot, and what is the tricky thing about it?

In ballet, doing pirouettes usually does not happen in isolation. Meaning - you want to do as many clean turns as possible (or however many the choreography asks for) AND THEN CONTINUE into whatever step comes next, as if nothing has happened! So you want to avoid falling out of the turn, and minimize the onset of vertigo (= the sensation of spinning and how the space whirls around you). Spotting helps with all of that, because it a) stabilizes your field of vision and b) maximizes time where your head is NOT rotating.

In order to understand better what happens to the brain as the head spins around, let me introduce you to two new friends:

1.) The Vestibulo-Ocular Reflex (VOR): A reflex is an involuntary neural reflex (like blinking, or stabilizing reflexes when you loose balance on a slippery surface). The VOR is a reflex that kicks in when your head turns: It makes the eyes move to the opposite direction of your head rotation. So when you do a pirouette to the right, and your head starts turning to the right, the eyes will move to the left!

2.) Self-perception of rotation: The neural networks of your brain perceive that you are turning, which is quickly followed by an onset of vertigo (=sensation of spinning, the room whirling around you).

Here is the connection: In normal mortals, both of these friends go together. As soon as you start turning your head, you start perceiving that you are turning, with onset of dizziness and everything – AND your eye reflex kicks in.

Now the interesting thing is – if you keep turning and turning and turning, and there is no visual input (in the dark), at some point you don’t feel that you’re turning any more. It feels like actually standing still. At the same time, your eye reflex also calms down, so your eyes get still, too! This attenuation of the self-perceived turning and the eye reflex typically takes about a minute of turning. And again, both (self-perception of rotation and eye movement) go down pretty much simultaneously.

Ok, that goes for mere mortals. But not for highly trained ballet dancers.

A Pirouette ExperimentSo let’s turn to the study.

The researchers were wondering if ballet dancers’s brains and eyes, with all their pirouette training, react in the same way to rotation as other well-trained, but non-pirouetting, athletes.

So they recruited 29 female ballet dancers from the Royal Academy of Dance, London Studio Centre, and Central School of Ballet. The control group consisted of 20 female elite rowers. The dancers were in their early twenties and had an average of 16 years of training. Controls were matched in training experience, weekly training, age, dexterity and other important factors.

What the researchers did is a quite common set-up when investigating humans’ reactions to rotation: All subjects were seated in a spinning chair, in the dark, and then the chair rotated them for 60 seconds. The athletes indicated their perception of rotation by rotating a turning wheel in front of them in the same speed as they perceived being rotated, plus their eye movements were recorded. In addition, all subjects got a brain MRI to see if there were specific areas that correlated with the behavioral observations.

The results were quite striking, and they tell us quite a bit about how to approach your pirouette training.

Ballet Dancers Turn DifferentlyHere are the main findings of the study:

· Perceived rotation and eye movement died off much quicker in dancers than in rowers. That means that dancers’ brains “ignored” being rotated much more effectively than other elite athletes’ brains!

· Perception of rotation and eye movement were “uncoupled” from each other in dancers. So in contrast to mere mortals, where the eyes kind of react to the perception of rotation – ballet dancers eye reflex had a bit of its own life. You can picture it this way: Although they did not feel any rotation any more, the eyes were still doing their thing in order to stabilize the visual field (even in the absence of one = darkness).

· There was a specific area in the vestibular cerebellum correlated with these findings, and interestingly, the “better” the dancers were in shaking off the feeling of rotation, the smaller their brains were in that area! Which was a bit of a surprise at first, because superior skill is usually associated with a higher density (“bigger”) brain. The researchers’ interpretation: The smaller network is advantageous for dancers, because it simply fires less, so it helps dancers to ignore the rotation much more efficiently. (This is quite the confirmation for my polar coordinate pirouette brain model. Check it out if you haven’t yet!)

· The more dance experience, the more the brain had shrunk in that area.

· The study was set up in a way that allowed for one pretty important conclusion: It is highly unlikely that the results were a consequence of a favorable genetic predisposition for dance. We can pretty safely say that the superior neural strategy for pirouetting is an adaptation to long-term training. Which is good news, because it means: No one is born a turner! Just lots of work.

Practical Implications for Your Pirouette TrainingSo what kind of implications do the findings have in practice, when it comes to learning and building a single and multiple pirouettes? Here are four conclusions from the study that you can apply to your pirouette training right away:

1) Train balance and turning separately

One of the key implications from the study is that the neural adaptation to a turning head is crucial for executing solid pirouettes. That, in turn (haha), implies that you can sort of seperate a) the strength/balance component from b) the rotation tolerance component of a pirouette. So for a), you need to be able to have a strong passé on demi-pointe or pointe, and for b) you need a brain that doesn’t get much bothered by being swirled around. Now, given the time it seems to take for the vestibular plasticity, it’s pretty safe to say that the neural adaptations take longer than building passé strength. So it’s probably a good idea to take any chance to turn your body - slow, fast, to both sides. You can just do it on two feet flat, so that physical fatigue is not a limiting factor to getting lots of turning repetitions.

Not sure where you are at right now? You can test yourself pretty easily: If you can go from forth or fifth into passé pretty consistently but have trouble turning, then you need lots of rotating practice.

2) Spotting is not crucial for turning – but probably helps triggering the plastic adaptations

There is another interesting outcome from the study: Spotting probably matters less than we are usually made to believe. At least for experienced dancers. This comes from the fact that the study was done in total darkness, and subjects were seated and passively rotated. So the dancers’ superior response to turning was present even without spotting!

Here is why you should not neglect spotting, though, especially when still learning and building a pirouette. It seems that spotting is a way to TRIGGER the plastic changes of the brain, because it is a strategy to minimize vertigo. So all that shrinking of the vestibular cerebellum, and the seperation of perceiving rotation from the reflex response, comes from spotting = giving the brain an experience of how it feels like to be not dizzy when turning.

But even though experienced dancers do not necessarily rely on spotting, it is still an advantageous strategy to pirouetting without dizziness and maintaining orientation.

3) Total time matters

The plastic changes in the brain were highly correlated with the years of dance experience as well as hours per week of training during those years. So don’t despair just because you are five to ten years into your ballet training, or even less. It might take longer to develop a turning-affine brain, especially if you don’t do ballet for several hours per day.

At the same time, the evidence presented above gives you a little hack to your pirouette training: Even if you do not take three classes per day - if you can just consistently increase the number of repetitions of head rotations of any sort, you can shortcut the long years to who knows how many less.

4) You got this!

And last, maybe my favorite conclusion from all of this: Remember that, in all likelihood, turners are not born but MADE. Over many years and lots of repetitions. Which is the end of all excuses, and the beginning of a turner’s mindset!

Finally….So long story short: While spotting, or the lack of it, is not a dealbreaker, it is still a crucial helper for learning, improving, and mastering pirouettes. It’s main purpose in learning is to help the brain experience a rotation without dizziness, and thus start a neuroplastic change that eventually leads to shrinking of the rotation-perceiving area in the brain.

Or even shorter: A little light-headedness will serve you well!

Are you just as fascinated and obsessed by the implications of the study as I am? Have you considered yourself a non-turner before, and does this scientific evidence help you change your mind about it? I will definitely start adding more rotations to my training, preferably in my kitchen :-P

Link to the original paper:

The Neuroanatomical Correlates of Training-Related Perceptuo-Reflex Uncoupling in Dancers, Nigmatullina et al., Cerebral Cortex, Volume 25, Issue 2, 1 February 2015, Pages 554–562,

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Standing on one leg. Developé on flat. Back activation. Classical 20% exercise!

For a long time, I seriously doubted that the Pareto Principle could be applied to ballet.

This principle, also known as the 80/20 rule, states that 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. It was originally applied in the area of politics and economics, but has come a long way since then. It does sound quite crude, and it certainly is not exact science. But it has been surprisingly predictive.

I started thinking about it soon after taking up ballet, as I was following Tim Ferriss’ writing and speaking about metalearning and lifestyle building. He quoted it for several areas, including instrument learning, productivity, and physical activities, and the more I thought about it, the more fascinated I became. What a simple and powerful concept. Instead of getting lost in everything, you could achieve a pretty good level (= 80%) by working on a core selection of skills (= 20%).

But what about ballet, I thought. Could it work? I was very skeptical, and also not experienced enough as a ballet student. My impression was that there was this vast amount of individual movements, steps, and positions in ballet, and you could master them only by working on all of them.

But there was a certain charm to the 80/20 idea, just considering the time it might save. So I kept thinking about it in the back of my head.

And with time, my experience changed. My insights as a ballet student grew, and my background in building athletes in a variety of sports helped me see patterns.

This pattern-seeing intensified when, about three years into learning ballet, I kind of turned my back on the advanced classes that I had been taking for a while and went back to beginner and intermediate classes. With one of my teachers (still) taking me through gruelingly detailed work on the most fundamental ballet movements. It couldn’t be any simpler, while it’s the hardest ballet work I have ever done.

It also meant that we left out or barely touched most of ballet’s movements and skills. Instead, we would focus just on a very small number of exercises over and over again.

Interestingly, I saw improvent not only in what we worked on, but also in the areas we didn’t touch.

So while this is a bit of a bold claim to make, in the following, I will take you through what I consider to be the 20% input that - when sufficiently mastered - will build 80% of the skills you need as a dancer. Now, there is quite a bit of room for interpretation: Who determines what is 100%, and consequently 80% in ballet? Is an internationally successful professional ballerina the ultimate frame of reference? Or simply the total amount of skills within the full ballet syllabus? For simplicity, let’s say it’s approximately the level of a ballet dancer after completing a professional training. But of course this is a bit of a debatable definition - if you have better suggestions, leave them in the comments! For now, let’s get started:

1 - Standing on two legsIt’s EVERYTHING. And after about 4 years of taking classes 5 times per week, I am barely starting to get an idea of it. Mostly, it is the foundation for standing on one leg, which is helpful, because ballet is mostly about standing/moving on one leg.

2 - Full leg extension and toe pointingSo for a long time, I believed I knew how to straighten my leg. Haha. So now, whenever I think it is fully straight and active, and I can’t do any more, I tell myself (or, more likely, my teacher tells me) to straighten and activate it 50% more. Then another 20%. Ok another 10%! You get the point.

3 - Back activation and port de brasBallet comes from a well-coordinated back. By working on back activation and port de bras you are learning the interplay of the different areas of the back, shoulder blades and shoulder joint. This is what will enable fluid arm movement and a torso that will hold you no matter what.

4 - Demi-Plié in first, fourth, and fifthSo while I used to regard the pliés at the beginning of barre as something to wake and warm up the body, I don’t any more. It’s a big deal, a power exercise, and training/preparing you for any kind of bent-leg step and transition: Temps lié, tombé pas de bourré, chassé, jumps, relevés, pirouettes. If you nail your demi-plié pattern with fully activated legs and maximum turn-out all the way down and up - congratulations.

5 - Standing on one leg, tendu and degagéThis is the progression of standing on two legs, and, as already mentioned, almost everything in ballet is either standing or moving on one leg. The pattern that is crucial here is to learn how to not move anything while you are tenduing or lifting your working leg. Meaning the activation of your standing leg and your torso in such a way that you keep lifting your standing side, and get rid of any kind of inefficient patterns, like e.g. hiking up your working hip or leaning into the standing side.

6 - Passé developé/envelopé on flatThe pattern that is built here is how to keep an active leg and pointed toes even when you are flexing your knee and hip. Which is not trivial at all. It’s much easier to keep an active leg when it’s fully extended and pointed - much harder when you mix flexion and extension.

7 - Coming down from relevé on one and two legsWhile relevés are a very common exercise in ballet classes, the twist I would add is that the coming down from relevé is the more important part. The pattern to learn here: how to keep the legs active and extended and work just the toes and ankle to come down.

8 - A strong front split on both sidesNot for the sake of the split. But rather because it teaches your body to use your hip joint in a wide range of movement AND have the strength for it. But also because the front leg and back leg have to work independent of each other and do something completely different. So it’s a coordination thing that you find in many ballet skills: Jumps, arabesque, penché, fouettés.

9 - Relevé from fifth to passéThis is a skill/movement in itself, but also a pattern-provider. It is a lot about building the speed and balance that you need for pirouettes and jumps.

So, the usual note of caution: This list is not exhaustive. And it will probably change for me over time. And it might be quite different if you ask someone else. So it is ambigous, as most things around the body. The point here is not so much the exactness of the 20% elements identified - but more the power of the approach.

Because in the end, the endless number of human movement abilities are guided by a limited number of biomechanical principles. Understanding this and designing your ballet work around this principle-guided idea saves you inefficiencies, overwhelm, tears, and fatigue. It can also ignite a lot of joy around the simplest exercises, and spark a huge amount of discoveries around how your body works.

So the actual benefit of the 80/20 rule may not be it’s exactness when applied to ballet, or that it saves you time. The real power is that it encourages you to think and work smart, and build a more solid foundation!

Have you ever applied the Pareto Principle to any area in your life? What do you think about the above list for ballet - anything you would eliminate, replace, add? Curious to hear your thoughts!

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Hello? Hearing something? [Photo by Alana Galligan]

Could there be something like a late calling to ballet? And if so, how do you respond to it?

By calling I mean the quiet nudge to take your adult ballet beyond a hobby, beyond studio showcases - to becoming a dancer. Is it possible to become a ballerina despite starting at an age when professional ballerinas usually start wrapping it up?

I am aware that the conventional wisdom to this would be no. Even the latest-starting ballerinas took their first classes as teenagers. I was 37.

That’s why I almost feel a bit delusionally-ashamed to admit that, ever since I started ballet, I felt that it was more to me than just something fun to do. I know many late-starters enjoy ballet as a hobby, a passion that they have on the side. Which is great! And I wish I could say the same! But unfortunately, it’s not like that for me.

Feeling ballet in my body gives me a sense of home. It’s tugging at me every day, nudging and quietly getting in my face if I don’t respond. And I just can’t help it. Although I started late, I always felt my body was meant to do this, even though it's not even the typical ballet body.

I know this may sound weird. And the ballet world couldn’t care less, right? It expects ballerinas to hear the calling in early childhood and follow it right away. That’s the proven path to perfection. And it works! The skills of great ballet dancers are simply breathtaking.

So while feeling something tugging at me, but knowing the reality of ballet, for a long time I didn’t know how to deal with it.

But the nature of a calling is that it doesn’t let you off the hook.

It keeps whispering and tugging, it gets into your body so much that, despite having nothing to strive towards, you can’t stop, and you can’t just do it for fun.

So I while I felt confused about the space that ballet wanted to take up in my life, I didn’t resist. I decided that it didn’t matter if I could become a ballerina or not - all I could do was keep doing the work as if. Going to classes. Stretching. Moving. Eating well. Recovering. Rehearsing. Performing. Taking time off. Living a good life. Taking care of my son, work, and all other everyday responsibilities. All with a quality and in a quantity that were possible for me. Even on days when I felt zero like it. It was all very unspectacular. A bit lonely. I felt like nobody would have understood my more-than-a-hobby aspirations, and I didn’t bother explaining. And despite progress, I didn’t look anywhere near ballet standards.

But there was this curious thing. I started feeling at peace. The kind of peace you feel when you stop questioning if you should really do this. You might be the farthest away from looking good or having some other measure of success; but in a way, you’re doing what you’re meant to do.

Time passed, and I unexpectedly and suddenly moved from Germany to Canada.

This move, among other things, threw me out of the comfort of the (wonderful!) studio that had taught me everything about ballet so far - into the unknown of new studios and teachers.

While I continued going to adult drop-in classes as before, there was one studio where things were a bit different. The classes, especially the privates, were nothing like any other classes. Not much dancing. The only goal was to build my body for ballet, from the ground up. Very slow and basic barre work. Brutal attention to detail. A thought-out progression from toes to the top of the head. Cues and images that I had never heard before, and that often didn’t make sense to me.

My ambition to look and move like a dancer - was suddenly normal here. Not weird at all. Actually, it was expected. Age didn’t matter. That I started as an adult was not even worth mentioning. Here, I didn’t have to feel delusional and ashamed for taking ballet beyond a hobby, for feeling that it was more to me.

It was deeply liberating. For the first time in a long time, I felt ok with the direction my life was taking, and how much ballet could contribute to it.

Something inside of me started tugging even more. I almost couldn’t hear it, but it was there, like a super quiet whisper: If I wanted to be a dancer, I had to show up, perform, put myself in front of an audience and face their expectations, judgements, and delight (maybe).

I had never seen myself as a performer before. The thought of performing was too scary, and I didn’t think I was anywhere near good enough for going on stage. But it happened that we were preparing for a summer showcase of the studio, and I was deeply entrenchend in the rehearsals for my first ever solo and pas de deux. What if I went beyond the two show nights and took my two pieces - out on the streets?

Right. I decided that now I was completely delusional. My brain must have had too much ballet and now it started acting weird. Ballet performed on the street was definitely too crazy of an idea.

In the end, it was a next-day-decision. A week before the actual showcase, I jumped on the opportunity of a street festival. I rented an amplifier, showed up with my music, my son and a good friend. Just when we all left the house to head to my spot, I actually turned around and grabbed a hat for coins from the audience. Like they would pay, haha. It was more about making the busking experience complete.

It was probably one of the most intense moments of my life. I thought I would do this street thing mainly for the challenge of it. But the experience of performing in front of a random audience, on the street, went so deep into my flesh, that I barely recognized myself. I had no idea how much I would enjoy it, how real it would feel, how raw and honest. (I actually didn’t know if it would work at all, in pointe shoes on concrete!) It felt like something I had been looking for had just revealed itself. Without even knowing what it was.

Maybe that’s how it felt to respond to a calling. Maybe that was getting close to becoming a ballerina. Maybe it wasn’t the age when you started, the formal completion of a professional training, or a paid contract, or company position that made you one - maybe it was the will to work from whenever you started, and create something that only you can do.

Still out of breath from the street gig, flooded by excitatory hormones, I gathered my kid, friend, and stuff, and collected my hat.

Then the shock. There were not only coins - there were several bills. It was unreal. I hadn’t done it for the money at all. After a quick count I realized that I had never in my life made so much money with anything, if you calculated the per hour rate (I performed for 10 minutes, thereof about 5.5 minutes of actual dancing).

I let five more street performances follow over the summer, both in Munich and Toronto. I loved it just as much. I actually choreographed a new solo myself for the first time ever and added it to the other two pieces, to have a slightly longer performance. Me, choreographing? I felt like a fraud. I did it anyway. I never reached the same pay level as in the first street performance, but it was still good. (It basically taught me that street performing does not only depend on your performance, but also highly on the amount of traffic around your performance spot.)

Street performance in Munich/Germany, Marienplatz, in late August 2018.

I am now enjoying my “off season” from street performing, but plan to continue next spring/summer, meanwhile creating new pieces.

Now you could certainly argue whether that little bit of street performing really makes me a “professional” ballerina. Probably not in a strict, conventional sense. But what I have discovered and what drove me to share this with you: Maybe there are different versions of responding to your calling and becoming a ballerina. Or if there aren’t, maybe we can start creating them.

Like for me, even if it would be feasible, I am not striving to get to a major theatre stage. That would mean doing ballet all day, every day - and I know that would not be my life. My interests and skills are too diverse for that. But I am able and willing to put in at least a couple of hours of ballet work on five days a week. Even more than that when I am preparing for another show or street performances. My performances will never be about doing multiple fouettés or pirouettes on pointe (at least not for a while, haha). What really makes me feel alive in ballet is to make it accessible to audiences that may have not seen much ballet before, in a raw and approachable way. For that, the street is perfect for now, and my choreographies can be very simple, slow, showing my long lines, emotions. I will still always strive for high technical quality. I now know I can even make some money with dancing. So my goal is to create and maintain a life that allows me to live out my late ballet calling in a way that is nourishing to and working for me. And that can change over time, too!

And if you, dear reader, hear the calling, too - you may find a completely different way of bringing your ballerina to stage. Maybe you do decide to aim for an international stage! Or you create little solos and perform them at friends’ birthday parties, or corporate events. Maybe you team up with other fellow late ballet “callees” and you stage your own show.

So in a nutshell: Yes, there could be a late calling to ballet. How you respond to it is a very personal journey. But respond, you must. It won’t let you off the hook anyway.

Do you think all these professional ballerina thoughts are a bit presumptous? Weird? Or relatable? Join your thoughts with mine in the comments if you like - I am curious if it’s just me having the late calling feeling!

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Most of us have a pretty good idea of what it means to have the Learning Switch turned on or off. It is an actual change in the way your brain is working. You become more alert and you find yourself interested, suddenly grasping what you couldn’t understand before or being able to do something you couldn’t do before. - Anat Baniel (student of Moshé Feldenkrais) in “Kids Beyond Limits”

Changing the physical environment, and the music, to get through piqué pirouettes on pointe plateaus.

The ability to ‘learn how to learn’ is a big advantage you have as an adult. It means that you don’t always have to wait until you stumble upon success, but you can direct your efforts consciously and in a smart way - thus speeding up your learning process and get more easily through plateaus and frustrations.

There is once concept that I found quite profound in this regard, and I first read about it in Anat Baniel’s book, from which I took the above quote. Anat Baniel was one of Moshé Feldenkrais’ first students, and she proceeded to develop her own method specifically tailored to kids with disabilities.

The concept centers around her observations that some kids struggled with learning, because they were completely stuck in an experience of repeated, expected failure. In other words, they did not expect to get better, they had simply given in into accepting that they would always get it wrong anyway. She framed this as the ‘Learning Switch’ being turned off. In contrast, a turned-on Learning Switch allows for effortless and playful acquisition of new skills.

So the Learning Switch is a metaphor for how open, or how shut off, your brain is towards a new skill that you are trying to learn.

Have you ever, since you started ballet, had the experience that you try and try something - but it doesn’t substantially improve? And then, over time, you kind of start to expect that it won’t work anyway, the next time you do it?

I often notice that with pirouettes. Like, when it’s time to do the first one during the center tendu exercise, or when the first diagonal comes up. It’s very subtle, but there is an underlying feeling of “oh, it won’t work anyway”. For you, it might be a particular jump, or a balance after a barre exercise.

[BTW - this does not only apply to ballet. Have you ever heard yourself or someone else say “I can’t do math”? or “I am not very well coordinated?” It all stems from the experience of repeated, and then expected failure, often since childhood. Of course you can learn math, and of course you can become well coordinated!]

So basically what is happening on a neural level: Your learning process breaks down. Your experience of repeated failing sets you into an emotional state that releases a swell of neurotransmitters which block the learning of any new skill. Your brain essentially shuts down the building of new connections, and you feel that not matter what you do, there is no progress in this particular area. So you start expecting the failure. The result being that the experience of failing and the non-working version of the skill you are trying to learn is only grooved deeper into the brain.

So….how do you break out of this vicious circle?

Here are some steps that will help turn your expected failure into eventual success:

Take a Break From Failing.This sounds obvious, but might be harder to do in practice. Basically, try to avoid the movement that you are failing at for a while. The idea is to stop grooving the failure even deeper in your brain - so you are essentially weakening the neural connection of the failure.

So how do you do this in a ballet class? Let’s say your pirouette is the problem? Or a jump? Or the balance after barre exercises?

There are several ways of doing it: You can either completely avoid it or modify/simplify the movement so drastically, that it becomes very different. So for example, instead of doing a pirouette, you just go up into passe. Or for your balance, you just keep holding on to the barre, or do it on flat. As for jumps, you can just skip an entire exercise or the jumps altoghether, or mark in the back.

And for how long? From a neural perspective, several weeks would be a minimum. Anat Baniel gives an example in her book, where she would have a boy’s tutoring stop for two months before she would even start working with him. From a neural perspective, that’s more or less the timeline required for pruning connections. But, yes, I get it, it’s hard to do if you like taking class. In any case you should feel mentally fresh and unburdened before you attempt to do whatever you are trying to learn again.

Get Back in Observer Mode.So once your brain has “forgotten” the failure, it’s time to go back at it. Ideally, maybe in a setting where you can just work a bit on your own, or with a teacher, or just recording yourself on video. And then just notice. What’s happening? Can you feel/sense/see what’s not working here? So the idea is to get from a state of expected failure and frustration to a state of awareness and curiosity. Take notes of your observations.

Change your Physical State and/or EnvironmentTo me, this is one of the key elements of breaking out of habits and plateaus. In essence, this is to cut the connection between the failure and your physical experience of it. And here is where you can get creative. It can be anything. Taking a class with another teacher, or at a different studio, for a while. Wearing something completely different to class one day. Warming up for class differently. Making your movements extra big, or much smaller. Deliberately overdoing what you are trying to do. Changing to a different soft shoe or pointe shoe model. Or using different music (try pop or hiphop!) when you work on your own. Anything that adds an element of novelty to your brain for a while, or occasionally - so you can experience yourself unburdened from the previous frustration.

Break Down The Skill - YOUR WayYou can do this on your own or ask your teachers’s input. You go back to working on your pirouette/balance/jump or whatever it is for you, but the idea is to change the cues and ‘directions’ in a way that speaks to you, so that your nervous system can open up and really take in your repetitions. Go back to your notes or video recordings from Observer Mode and start working on what is most interesting to you. This is something you can do on your own, or even in class. Any time you feel frustration come up - go back to a modification/simplification, so you don’t close your Learning Switch.

Again: The main idea is to weaken the experience of expected and repeated failure in the brain. It will take a bit of experimenting, trial and error - but if you can in grain a sense of accomplishment, playfulness and curiosity back into your brain, your Learning Switch will happily turn on again!

Have you ever experienced prolonged frustration at something not working, despite practicing it a lot? What particular thing is it for you? Do you feel the Learning Switch on or off, depending on what mood you are in, or even what kind of particular class you are taking?

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Master class pliés, Walter Carsen Centre, Studio Prima.

Ballet can be so incredibly intimidating.

Especially when you start out as an adult. You have to not only learn the technical and artistic side of it - but also sort of “decode” the whole ballet party. Like: Knowing class etiquette. How to stand in pictures. What to wear. How to have conversations. Not to clap between groups during exercises. And so on. Being late to the party means you’re breaking into this whole world of rituals, traditions, manners, conventions, old networks and relationships. You’re basically learning a new language (even literally).

It’s easy and normal to feel lost at times. Or often. It’s hard on the ego to feel absolutely clueless. Sometimes you may not even be sure if you should really be there, among all the other dancers’ skill and grace.

And then you take a masterclass, taught by a principal dancer of one of the most renowned ballet companies in the world.

That’s basically what happened to me last week. Evan McKie from the National Ballet of Canada taught a class “for dancers ages 14 and older with an intermediate level of training or higher”. At the NBC’s In Studio adult ballet program. Not your regular masterclass, though - this one would be in front of a paying live audience!

Well ok, it didn’t just “happen”. When the announcement came out several weeks in advance, I bought my class spot right away, just so I wouldn’t spend weeks trying to decide whether I should go or not. And with so much time before, it didn’t even feel scary yet.

It was only on the day of the class that I started wondering whether this was sane in any way. Whether I was not being a bit overconfident in my abilities. Horror scenarios of slowing down the whole class spiraled through my head.

On the way to the studio, I started recording videos for my Instagram Story. Just so I would really go. After all, I couldn’t possibly post my walking to class and then not have any class pictures to post for later.

Secretly, I was thinking about maybe getting a picture with Evan McKie after class, and then post it on Instagram, too. How cool would that be. But unfortunately, I don’t work this way. The idea of taking a picture with someone I don’t know, just because he is a famous and gorgeous ballet dancer, and just taught our class - I don’t know, it feels so…awkward. Wouldn’t that be a bit childishly fan-girly, for a 41-yr-old? I didn’t see how I would get over my shy/scared/too respectful self and just ask for a picture together.

As it was a Sunday, my 12-yr-old son came along. Which is not really ballet-related, as he is not interested in ballet at all. But little did I know that he would actually teach me one of the most important ballet lessons that day. (Oh, and he would also single-handedly get me that picture.)

Here we go, entering the holy halls of the Walter Carsen Centre, the home base of the National Ballet of Canada. I have taken class here many times before, but never before in such a nervous state. Luckily, first thing I run into Kate Kernaghan, the director of the adult program, and first thing I ask her is whether I should really be here. “Of course!” she says. The way she said it, spontaneously, encouraging, with her usual radiating energy and smile, not flinching at all - I think she was not just trying to be polite. I decide to believe her. So part of my nerves calm down.

We are quite early, which is not typical for me, but with my son in a wheelchair and not knowing the studio/barre situation, I wanted to give myself time. Kate leads us into the studio, and what do I see? Young, perfectly-trained students of the National Ballet School of Canada occupying the first barre spots. The ballet elite of Toronto. Great.

I find a good spot close to my son’s seat in the audience - which basically also means that I am on the outside of the barre closest to the audience. Great way to calm my remaining nerves! But at least I have space for my long body and do not run the danger of kicking another dancer during grand battements - in front of a live ballet class audience.

Evan McKie arrives, and both Kate and him welcome the class. Oh my god. So one of my ballet teachers had told me to expect a really beautiful, tall dancer - and I had obviously seen pictures/videos, and possibly one performance (don’t remember exactly) - but Evan in real life, this close, was, like, Jesus. Picture the most handsome human being you have ever seen. Then double or triple that - and you get Evan McKie. And his whole posture, the way he moves even when not dancing…there was definitely a lot of grace and gorgeousness to process during the preparatory exercise.

Which brings us back to class. So first of all, for all of you who thought about attending the class and didn’t, or those that are considering taking it in the future: I was NOT the only adult ballet dancer in a group of NBS students. It was actually a perfect mix of young students, and then adult ballet dancers of all ages and skill levels. I saw some familiar faces from my previous classes, yay! We are all so brave. The barre combinations were manageable enough for me so that I could actually work on my stuff, finding my body - and not just play catch-up with the steps. If you have a few years of ballet experience, you should be mostly fine.

Center got a bit more challenging. Still mostly simple combinations as far as steps, but more demanding in terms of coordination, strength, balance - or skill in general. I felt a bit more rushed than at the barre, but still in a way that allowed me to work on my “points” (finding hips, back, toes etc).

Courtesy of Kate Kernaghan

A few mishaps - like, just when I prepared to go for this great pirouette diagonal which started with three piqué arabesques (a beginning which I absolutely adore!) it turned out that I had missed all groups! Or during the grand allegro, when it was a saut de chat after the tombé pas de bourrée - and I remembered the chat, like, half way through my grand jeté. So I ended up with a mix of saut de chat and grand jeté, which of course looked like nothing. Right in front of Evan and the audience. I couldn’t help but laugh after I touched the floor again.

Ok and there was one thing I completely fell out of: 2 piqué turns + 2 counts chainés, four times to one side, then the same to the other side, repeat twice per side. All en manège. Evan refered to it as circus, and that’s how it felt to my brain. But I think he meant “circus” in the skillful way. Anyway, it was too much for me - but I tried to still find something in it. I would just focus on the piqué turns, and then step aside for the chainés so nobody would have to go around me. I also watched Evan’s impeccable and relaxed spotting as he demonstrated the exercise - I am a big believer in learning from observing.

Courtesy of Kate Kernaghan

And the audience…I definitely felt more observed/under scrutiny than in a regular class, but after a while I came to appreciate it. What a great opportunity to practice doing ballet in front people watching! While still trying to focus on your work and enjoy yourself. I would not want this in every class, but once in a while it is for sure a chance to grow. And this audience was definitely a loving one!

I must say that Evan was an excellent choice for teaching this first In Studio master class of the season. He had a calm and warm demeanor all the way throughout class, which helped me not get lost in the grandeur of the master environment. And it seemed to make everyone else comfortable, too. I was actually quite touched by the togetherness of elite ballet students, adult beginners, and everyone in between. I am super grateful that I got to attend class with students who are on their way to become professional dancers - a rare opportunity and another chance to learn from observing!

Courtesy of Kate Kernaghan

Class was followed by an interesting 30 minutes of Q&A. Evan was really generous with his time - even after the final applause, he stayed around for questions and photos, until we were all kicked out of the studio. But he continued chatting and answering questions, even in the hallway, making sure that he touched base with everyone who wanted.

I went over to my son after the official 30min Q&A, and started layering back up, gathering our stuff, packing his phone and headphones that had gotten him trough class. I had hoped that he would take pictures of me at the barre, for the Insta fame, but his interest in ballet is so underdeveloped, that he pretty much forgot about it. (To be fair, he did record a few random videos before class had actually started. Ok, and one from the preparatory exercise.).

My son and I ended up standing among the group of remaining spectators and students in the hallway. I was thinking about my dream picture with Evan, but still felt way too embarrased to ask. Felt a bit envious of everyone else who didn’t have the same scared adult ballet self and just got their picture. I awkwardly fidgeted with our jackets, sort of packing and unpacking them, unsure whether to put them on and leave or stay and listen to the conversations that were still taking place. My son was calmly sitting in his wheelchair, but getting eager to leave. Evan was talking to some people about his time in Stuttgart….when suddenly my son lit up.

He turned to Evan and with great determination simply jumped into the conversation. He asked about Stuttgart and said with great joy that we were from Germany! Evan turned to him warmly and curiously, and I explained, a bit apologetically, that we were from Munich. Upon which Evan switched to an almost accent-free German, and continued our little chat flawlessly in our mother tongue. (Which, of course, added a bit to his gorgeousness.) We had a really nice conversation, and I could feel how my son’s ease, and his pure joy about the German chance encounter helped me get over my shyness. My son didn’t care about any ballet etiquette, conventions, or that he was talking to a principal dancer - he just saw a super friendly guy who spoke German with him!

And then the little miracle happened: In a way, our little chat hat formed a real connection. And suddenly I knew: This picture needed to happen, and my son needed to be in it. Now it felt absolutely natural and no big deal to ask Evan if we could take a photo, all three of us together! Of course he said yes. A nice lady from the remaining spectators offered to take the picture.

And then my son said no. He just didn’t want to be in the picture! I laughed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to convince him on the spot.

But Evan did. He smiled at my son, jokingly refered to our German connection - and immediately, my son was back in.

Evan McKie and us, completely unfiltered.

I love the picture. Not only as a memory of a special class experience, but also because it reminds how much of ballet’s pedestal aura can be just in your head. After all, we are all just normal people. Some of us got into ballet at a younger age, some later. Mistakes come and go. Sometimes you fail big time, sometimes you rejoice and grow. We all share the struggles, and we all look for connections. On some ballet photos you will stand in a beautiful B Plus position, in others you will more casually gather around a brave boy in a wheelchair.

Note to self: If you can get over yourself juuust a little bit - ballet can be a lot less intimidating.

Thanks to Evan McKie, Kate Kernaghan, all participants, spectators - and my son!

Courtesy of Kate Kernaghan

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A front split attempt. Not much of this is about flexibility.

The front split is probably one of the most desired milestones for adult ballet dancers.

And there are probably just as many opinions and stretching recommendations for it as there are ballet websites on the Internet.

So here is to one more!

Basically, I want to add to add to the richness of split knowledge from the perspective of someone who:

• started ballet at age 37, and not very flexible
• was not born flexible, nor flexible as a child - and I never did any siginificant, deep stretching until my late thirties
• needed several YEARS to get the front split
• tried a huge amount of approaches on the way
• has the training/coaching background to put it all together

So if this speaks to you - let’s tackle this beast!

First of all - this article is not a step-by-step outline for how to achieve the front split. If you want that - drop me a comment below or email me at patricia@balletmisfits.dance - if there is enough interest, I am happy to put together something beautiful (along the lines of “The Flexibility Guide for the Anti-Flexible” ;-)).

But, what this article WILL give you: A fresh perspective on how to reframe your split/stretch training - which, I am pretty sure, will let you see quicker AND safer progress in achieving your front split.

The Front Split is NOT About FlexibilitySo let’s dive right in and and fire away the biggest misconception about the front split: That it’s the hallmark of flexibility. That it’s a relaxed, sinking into the floor.

I know I am asking a lot: But forget that view. Thinking of the splits as elongating your tissues and relaxing everything is not only NOT supported by scientific evidence - it also sets you up for injuries and weakness.

Which brings us to what a front split REALLY is: A. Strength. Exercise!

And it’s not just the split: Science and expert movement practitioners all over the world have been telling us for a long time that flexibility without strength is a surefire way to all kind of problems, like injuries and lack of movement control.

That’s why you often find the term ‘flexibilty’ replaced by the term ‘mobility’ nowadays:

MOBILITY = FLEXIBILITY + STRENGTH

Or you could put it like this: Getting your splits means training your leg/hip muscles to become stronger at the extreme range of motion your hip joint.

Control any kind of stretch - without tensing. Good luck with that!

A Split is Only Worth as Much as a Movement! - And How Your Brain Thinks About a Deep StretchAnd that makes sense. Because think about it: Why are you trying to get your splits? Not just because it’s cool (although it is). Mainly it’s because you want to do a grand jeté, for example. Or an arabesque. So you want to be able to use your maximally flexed/extended hip joints, in an actual movement! And in order to do a proper movement, you have to have the strength for it, over the whole range of the movement!

Your brain comes into play here, too. Here is how to think about the splits from a neural perspective: Your brain is making sure that your body’s joints, muscles, fascia etc. do not go into ranges that they cannot handle, where they would be too weak to get anything done and possibly suffer injuries. So if you want to convince your caring brain to allow you into a split, you have to show that you can control your body down there safely!

How to Apply the Strength Paradigm to Your Split TrainingSo how can you use this knowledge to your advantage when training to get down into a front split? Or even when you have it, to improve the quality of your split?

• Ideally, you should always be able to control your position with your own strength, no matter how high or low you are on your way to your split.
• I also like to think of going into a front split as actively, and in a controlled manner, pulling the legs apart, particularly reaching with the back leg.
• The position of your pelvis should be an active one, too: You actually engage the muscles around your hip joint such that the pelvis doesn’t “collapse” into the stretch. Maybe it helps if you think of ‘getting taller’ in your front split.

Wait….But What About Breathing and Relaxing?And how does this strength- type of split view go together with the common advice of relaxing and breathing?

It goes well. Because “actively controlling” doesn’t mean “tensing”. So the breathing and relaxing, or “inviting the stretch” as some of you suggested under a related post on Instagram, make sure that you do not overly tense and co-activate all kinds of muscles that actually go against your stretch.

Takeaway: Split = StrengthAlright. So if there is one thing I want you to take away from this blog article it’s this: A FRONT SPLIT IS A STRENGTH EXERCISE. (Any kind of stretch is, actually.) Don’t fall for the “just relax into it”. It’s better to have a slower process, to not overdo your stretch, and have control over your position - than to push the stretch as far as you can and be at the mercy of your long but weak tissues. With this in mind, you will stretch safer and be able to use your new range of motion when actually dancing. And this is what we are here for, right?

Have a great stretch everybody - and remember to be STRONG!

I have tried all kind of approaches to get the front split over the years, and they all contributed more or less. I actually found that doing the barre stretch properly, i.e. as a strength exercise!, and consistently, has helped me improve the strength and quality of my stretch. I am curious: How did you get your front split, or how are you attempting it? Tell me in the comments below!

Still trying to actively control pelvic position.

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Life is still not too bad here….just wait for the next one.

Learning something new as an adult can often feel like you are just not smart/talented/coordinated enough to ‘get it’. Especially with something perfectionist like ballet, it can feel like only a few naturally graceful adults can expect results (those who won the genetic lottery, or who did gymnastics or figure skating as a child), while the rest of us has to settle for some sort of 50% version of it.

Alright, if you have followed my blog for a bit, then you know that I won’t give you the pleasure of indulging in this pre-neuroplasticity point of view. Hate to break the news - but we ALL are selected!

But, let’s face it, the struggle is real. How often have I cursed and beaten myself up for not stepping on a straight leg, not spotting in a pirouette, or - THE WORST - flexing my hips (aka sticking out the popo) in anything plié. Fallen down the hole of “I will never get it”, or “this is taking way too long to learn”, or WORST “my body is just not made for ballet and never will be”. Or maybe you don’t beat yourself up - you may instead tell yourself you don’t care, it’s just for fun (while you secretely do care).

In case any of this is you, too, let me brighten your day a bit. With this article, I would like to give you an example of how not being able to ‘get’ something is just a normal (and correct!) response of the brain. Aaand what you could do to work with this response in a smart way - as an alternative to beating yourself up (which, let’s be honest, is usually not the most effective way to breakthroughs in ballet).

Here is the core knowledge bomb in a nutshell: Learning ballet means, to a large extent, overriding reflexes and breaking regular, everyday movement patterns.

We often assume that when learning a new activity, we are essentially learning new skills, new kinds of movements. And for most activities that’s true! Think about how you have to learn how to handle/manipulate and object (like in all ball/racket/club sports), or how to deal with an opponent (like in all kind of fight/martial arts activities), or how to do all kind of crazy stuff in space (like in gymnastics).

Ballet is a bit different in that respect. So there is some skill learning involved (think of jumps, fouettés, the different kind of pirouettes), but to a large extent, ballet consists of very basic movement patterns: standing on one or two legs, extending legs to different sides, lifting legs and arms, turning, stepping, hopping, jumping, bending your knees (commonly referred to as squatting).

BUT - and this is a big BUT - ballet employs these seemingly basic movements in a completely different way, mainly because of the BIG TWO: Turned-out hip joints and an upright pelvis.

These BIG TWO completely change even the most basic things like walking and squatting.

Let’s look at a common problem - piqués of any sort, i.e. where you are essentially taking a step onto demi-pointe (or pointe). Check this little video:

(Video by www.wish-upon-a-ballet.com)

So the BIG TWO dictate that you will always be stepping on a straight leg. A turned out hip and an upright pelvis don’t give you any other way!

But, as we can also agree, that’s not how you would walk. When you walk, you are ALWAYS stepping on a bent knee. Check this slo-mo to confirm:

Uploaded by Rich B on 2017-02-03.So what happens when you are in a ballet class and doing piqué steps (turns, arabesques, soutenu etc) - your brain constantly wants to resort to a normal gait. Because your gait is what has been with you almost all your life. It’s what your brain knows, feels comfortable with and what has done the job well so far. My son captured this beautifully during my last street performance:

NOT my most graceful ballet moment…stepping on a bent knee and flexing pretty much everything that should not be flexed. But hey, just my brain doing its good job!

So while you are fighting for the turn-out and an elegant, straight leg - your brain is automatically firing the opposite.

See how this doesn’t have anything to do with talent or the ideal ballet body, but simply with how the brain is wired?

Another example is bending your knees with turned-out hips and an upright (“elevator”) pelvis, which we call plié - in your brain, it’s constantly overwritten by sticking your butt out and keeping your hip joint neutral - i.e. what we call squat!

So nothing is wrong with you, even when you don’t get it after being corrected a thousand times. It’s not that there is something at fault with your brain - we all fight the same battle!

But, let’s be honest again, eventually it would be nice to get it. So what do late ballet party guests do?

• As a first step we have to understand that we are creating two different movement scenarios in our life: ballet and not-ballet. (Which also implies that you want to avoid spill-over from ballet to not-ballet - but that’s for another post.) Again, thinking and feeling a movement idea is a powerful trigger for neuroplasticity, so it’s important to get neurally cozy with the BIG TWO.
• (Re-)read my article on five crucial neuroplasticity principles. From all of them, I find that “Slow” and “Awareness/Attention” are crucial with implanting a new movement pattern world in the brain. Check out how, for example, my teacher lets me work on pelvis position at the barre, with super slow tendu:

(We do the same super slow pace for the “jeté” (essentially the same slow tendu with a degagé), and “adagio” (which is a super slow developé en croix, I don’t think there is much worse in life), and that’s pretty much our barre before we proceed to swings and pointe work.)

• And finally, maybe the hardest part of it, it’s crucial to let got of any beating-up, giving up hope, frustration. Because, again: 2) Emotional State. My hope is that by giving a neural explanation for the struggle that is ballet, you can go about sticky learning points in a more relaxed, self-loving, and forgiving way (honestly, I am the worst at this :-) So it won’t always work, but the more the better). If we can approach the struggle with more of a playful mindset, we might just be able to cut out the drama a bit.

I hope this gave a different perspective on adult ballet struggle - and that you can enjoy your next class even more! And next time you feel you are not getting something - just thank your brain for doing its job and remember that you’re just a bit late to the party. But you have everything you need to catch up gracefully!

How about you - what are your sticky points in learning ballet movement patterns? How do you typically react when you don’t get something? Leave a comment and vent :-)

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Go play, and bring them along!

Being The Responsible AdultFor us late party ballet dancers, it’s easy to let ballet be pushed to the side when the going gets tough.

You may have a demanding job*, a bunch of kids to take care of, or a slightly possessive boyfriend. Maybe you do volunteer work on top of it, and then there is always a full email inbox to work through. Or you are possibly buying/building a new house, or going through a custody battle at court. You name it.

Fair. I mean, after all, you have to have your priorities straight, right? So when pressing life issues like making money, providing for your loved ones, giving back, and fulfilling your responsibilities and commitments compete for your time, it makes sense to give that “hobby”, aka ballet, a pass and skip a class. Because - wouldn’t that be selfish, irresponsible, childish otherwise? Wouldn’t you feel guilty about engaging in a hobby, while the rest of your life is blowing up and other people need all kind of important stuff from you?

That’s the commonly accepted viewpoint, I guess. There are those things that a responsible, mature adult is expected to do, and then there are things like hobbies and self-expressive pleasures that are seen as somehow less important.

Well, newsflash, we may have it all backwards, people. Honest question here: How sustainable is it, in the long run, to always cut the play in life?

But again, as adult dancers, we are lucky to join the party. Ballet may just be the thing that could teach us a valuable lesson here.

Who Decides What’s Responsible? - A “Click” MomentI started to get a glimpse of that lesson right when I took up ballet about 4.5 years ago. Although it almost went unnoticed. Because it started with a small, kind of everyday conversation that did not feel like a life lesson at all:

During the first approx three months of starting ballet, I actually took only one class every other week. A very slow start - which was partly due to the fact that I was still taking lots of hip hop classes, and ballet was more just and addition, a way of building dance-specific strength (check out how I got into ballet and why it took me so long in this article). But the main reason was that my studio offered only one “absolute beginner” class per week, and it was on a Saturday. Which was great, BUT: I was a single mother, and my son, who was seven years old back then, spent half of the time with me, and half of the time at his dad’s (this was when we still lived in Munich). Which meant he was also with me every other weekend - on which I couldn’t attend my beloved beginner ballet class.

Then one Saturday, I was chatting with another girl after class. Just the normal, friendly chitchat between dancers. She was a more experienced ballet student, but much younger than me. I casually told her about my situation, and how it meant not being able to come to class every week.

She looked at me, maybe slightly confused (I don’t know if I am making the confused look up in my memory, but it fits the story), and matter-of-factly asked: “Well why don’t you just bring your son along?”

Click. (That was the sound my brain made in that moment.)

I felt so busted.

I have to add that my son has a physical disability and a wheelchair for that reason. So things tend to be slightly more challenging when “bringing him along”.

But of course that is just a BS addition.

If you have kids, I don’t have to tell you the real reason why I hadn’t considered bringing him along. It was the typical “good mother instinct”: How selfish would it be to go take ballet class, while your kid has to wait for you, possibly planted in front of an iPad/phone, watching videos/playing games. You should instead do something that is good for you AND your kid.

So I looked at the girl, and just as matter-of-factly said: “Yeah, you’re right, I should just bring him along!”

Decide What You Want and What is Important to YouAnd so I did. From then on, my ballet learning took off - one class per week turned into two, then three etc etc. As I was able to take higher level classes, I had more options, and could take some in the mornings of weekdays, while my son was at school. But I would still take him along to TWO classes on weekends that he was with me. And yes, he would often spend the time glued to a screen. Sometimes he played with other dancers who were waiting for the next class. Sometimes he would venture out around the corner and get some ice cream.

I am still grateful to that girl.

Because the lesson that our conversation taught me went far beyond bringing my son along and not feeling guilty (about the fact that I had an amazing time while he was passively consuming digital media):

I finally understood that it was up to me when and how often I wanted to go to class. Not to my schedule, nor anything else outside of me. If I wanted to take class every day of the week - then this is what I needed to start working on. If that got in the way of work or other commitments, then I needed to find a new way of working, and renegotiate my commitments.

Is that selfish, irresponsible, or childish?

I say no, it’s not.

It’s the only responsible thing to do.

Why Being “Irresponsible” is actually ResponsibleIt would be irresponsible to cut myself short on something that is so deeply nourishing to me. That puts me back in my body, that clears my whirling mind, grounds me, and keeps me healthy. Something that gives me vitality, spurs my creativity, increases my strength, and trains my self-discipline.

Why would I ever do less of it than I wanted? Why would I let my schedule get in the way of it? Why would I risk feeling depleted from all the “real” commitments and responsibilities? It’s funny how it is more accepted to be a workaholic or a devoted uber-mother - than to be an adult ballerina with serious ambitions.

The World Needs You at Your BestTo sum it up: We need you to follow your passions, to make consistent space for play, to practice gracefulness - so you can be who you are at everything else! This is not about creating some sort of balance in your life. I believe it’s simply your responsibility to find out who you are, what you want and need, and to go for it, no matter what area in your life.

It’s certainly easier said than done. It’s definitely not an easy process to review your priorities, make changes, and negotiate your space. It will be highly uncomfortable, and you might be questioned by those around you. The guilt may keep resurfacing over and over again.

And it can be tempting to give in to the guilt, to push ballet classes aside when the going gets tough. But also, when the going gets tough - you can just as well do ballet.

Every time I see someone else bring their kid(s) to class, I am like “Yasss!” Good for you, cause it takes a lot! You need to get them ready, get yourself ready, bring them, possibly keep half an eye on them while you are trying to focus on class. Now, here in Canada, I have my son all the time, and I prefer taking all my classes during the day while he is at school; it’s easier for me and it gives me energy for the rest of the day. — What are YOUR challenges that occasionally/regularly stand in the way of taking class? Or are you happy with how many classes you are taking? How did you get there? Feel free to share in the comments, let’s talk!

*P.S. If you wanna read more about not cutting your play time short, and get yourself to class despite work turned all against you - check out this cool adult ballerina and her piece on work-ballet-balance!

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The Advantage of Learning as an AdultOne of my core drivers for this blog is the fact that adults simply learn differently than children. And while we all have great and dedicated teachers, most of them are so good because they learned ballet as a child and had a career as a professional dancer. And that’s great. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am grateful for teachers who have been dancing for a long time and have a solid amount of stage experience.

The other side of that experience is that these teachers haven’t lived through the feeling and challenges of starting ballet later in life.

Which is why, as adult ballet dancers, we have to not only be a good student, but we also need to become our own best teacher. I strongly believe that if we step into the responsibility of exploring our body, what works for us, and how we learn best - we will see much better and more sustainble progress in learning ballet.

And that, dear late party guests, is also the beauty and advantage of learning ballet at a more mature age! You have the ability to direct your learning. You are capable of what is called “meta-learning” - which basically means “learning how to learn”. Or to put it differently: You don’t have to rely on repetitions alone if you want to learn a certain skill - you can “hack” your learning to get more per every repetition. If you find that you are struggling and feeling stuck in certain areas, then that’s probably a sign that you need to approach that area from a different angle.

Sometimes, literally. (Hint: This short sentence foreshadows a bit what’s coming.)

In this article, I would like to lead you through a specific example for this “learning how to learn”. And help you become a better teacher to yourself. Let’s get cozy with a common problem, a typical sticky point for adult ballet beginners and intermediate dancers: THE PIROUETTE!

So grab your coffee, relax, and turn off your phone (unless you are reading on it - then there is flight mode). I can assure you that what you are about to read will be a completely different frame of reference (again LITERALLY - the foreshadows keep dropping) for pirouettes that you will not read and hear anywhere else. It will involve some physics/mathematics. Yes I will keep it simple. But ballet is all physics so why not get comfortable with it? (I got your back, honey.)

The Bitchiness of PirouettesWhen I started learning ballet, I was obsessed with pirouettes. I wanted to learn them so badly, not just a single, but double and triple, please. It was probably what I practiced the most after/between classes. (Can you relate?)

But they were a struggle. While I progressed nicely with most other things, pirouettes kept coming slow. And it was very much a one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of thing. Very inconsistent.

Pirouettes have a bit of a special status in ballet. I have heard teachers say that you can control anything, except for pirouettes. You may have heard the term “natural turner” or “non-turner” to refer to someone who just gets pirouettes and someone who never will. Or the beloved “turning days”. Pirouettes are one of the most obvious things that let you distinguish a professional dancer trained from childhood from someone who started as an adult.

But why? And are pirouettes really the exception to all things neuroplasticity?

Then two things happened.

Why all humans are made for turningFirst: In a rare moment of ballet maturity I gave up my obsession around pirouettes. Maybe I was far enough into the process to realize that pirouettes are not necessarily a skill in themselves, but the result of many things coming together. Strength, muscle speed, coordination, posture, plié, passé, spot, back control etc. So I decided to give myself as much time as my tall body needed, keep working on all the other things and aim for a clean, controlled single. And I would say I am still in that process.

Second: I went through a phase of reading all the books written by Moshe Feldenkrais. (Seriously, that guy. What a genius. If you are fascinated by the human body, learning, movement etc - absorb him. Not easy reads, but worth the time and sweat.). One thing I stumbled upon in his framework was his detailing of how much the human body was made to rotate, and how that was one of the main differences and advantages compared to other animals. It’s basic physics: The specific erect posture of humans has a very small moment of inertia around the vertical axis through the body’s center of mass. It means that the body can initiate and maintain a turn around that axis more easily than most other mammals. Which is EXACTLY the axis we are turning around when we pirouette!

In other words: The human body was made for pirouettes. Turning should actually come easy to all of us!

So why doesn’t it? Or why does it come easy to some and not to others?

Here is my theory. (It’s getting juicy now, so take another sip, use the bathroom and come back.)

Turning vs. Kind of Turning, in Simple PhysicsThere was a simple observation I had when I was doing and practicing pirouettes: Although it was supposed to be a turn, i.e. a rotation, it usually didn’t feel like it in my body. It felt more like my body was somehow moving around on a circular path to make that turn - but it wasn’t rotating cleanly around an axis. Kind of like this:

The perfect Cat Cute SpiningAround Animated GIF for your conversation. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor.

So that got me thinking about rotation vs. “kind of rotation”.

In physics, in classical mechanics, you distinguish between two types of motion: Translation and rotation. Translation means that you change the position of an object - like when you move your body from one corner of the studio to the opposite corner. Rotation means that the position remains the same, but you rotate the body around an axis, like in a pirouette.

So my turn essentially felt like little translations pieced together and forced on a round path!

Now let’s add some mathematics. When you describe the motion of an object, you are typically using coordinates. Let’s say you chassé through a diagonal, then you could map every point in your body relative to a coordinate system that is given by the walls of your studio. If we are looking at you from above, here is where you would be:

So you start with the top of your head at coordinates x1, y1, and you end up with your head at x2, y2. Makes sense? This type of coordinates is refered to as Cartesian coordinates, usually denotey by x and y. They are very square, as you can see, so perfect for mapping translational motion.

But physics also uses another types of coordinates - they are called polar coordinates. They are perfect for mapping - you guessed it - rotation, because each point is mapped by the distance from a reference point (called radius (R)) and and angle, let’s call it alpha, relative to a reference direction. So imagine you are looking at yourself from the top again and imagine you are a good way into your pirouette:

Let’s use a schematic view of this, now imagine not being in a kitchen, but in an actual studio:

Your nose was pointing exactly in the direction of the mirror when you started the turn (let’s make this our reference direction R) and the reference point is the top of your head again, or where your axis of rotation meets the top of your head. So at the start, your nose tip’s polar coordinates were (rn, 0) and after a good part of the turn they are (rn, alpha).

Now here is the thing. Mathematics gives us full freedom to use whatever coordinate system we want to describe a motion. There is no rule that you have to use cartesian coordinates for describing translation and polar coordinates for rotation. BUT - it’s a no-brainer. Physics is complex enough, so you want to keep the math as simple as possible. So naturally, you would use a cartesian coordinate system to describe a translational motion, and polar coordinates for a rotation around a fixed axis.

Why? Because the nature of polar coordinates has the rotation already built into it. When you use polar coordinates to look at the motion of a specific point (like the tip of your nose) during a rotation around a specific axis - one of your coordinates, the distance from the axis, DOESN’T CHANGE!

And, as a general rule, the more that does NOT change in physics and maths, the easier your life. (So in a sense, it’s like real life: There is enough change anyway, so you try to hold on to your constants.)

I mean, just imagine how ugly it would be to use cartesian coordinates for the same pirouette you were just doing:

See how NOT elegant this is? BOTH your x and y coordinates would keep changing during the rotation.

You’re like - ok, yes, whatever, how is this connected to nailing pirouettes??

How to Make Your Brain SpinSo here is the next step that I need you to make in understanding pirouettes right now. Let’s bring your brain to the party, very literally again.

Essentially, your brain is doing what my beautiful (haha, thank you) drawings above were trying to accomplish: It’s mapping your body’s coordinates, like All. The. Time. when you move. It keeps track of where you are in space, and where differents parts of your body are when you rotate. It’s like constant GPS firing, mapping, adjusting, remapping.

And here is the final pirouette wisdom bomb drop, the core of this framework:

You can get stuck in learning pirouettes because your brain is doing the equivalent of using the WRONG coordinate system to map your turn.

Or, a little different: You can think of the “non-turner”s brain as using cartesian coordinates to keep track of everything during a pirouette - while the “turner”s brain is mapping the turn in polar coordinates. So the non-turner’s brain is working twice as hard and still ends up with a pirouette that feels and looks more like a linear motion forced on a circular path (like that white cat above) - whereas the turner’s brain has a lighter load and comes out with a true rotation.

So the more educated question to ask now: But why do not all brains choose the more elegant coordinates?

Although I don’t know for sure, my guess is that it depends on how well someone can establish that fixed axis that is so required for a turn. Creating that axis depends on experience, posture, and proper muscle activation - you basically need to keep a good inner part of your body very still = your axis, and you want to keep the rest of your body as close as possible to that axis. Even a hyperextended back can mess with that.

And then it probably also depends on how much the body was exposed to rotating from an early age. My (admittedly very speculative) guess is that in Feldenkrais’ times, rotation was more part of your general life. Kids would naturally do turns during outdoor play and physical education, and dance was more part of the general culture etc. Not so much nowadays - or do you casually and frequently rotate around your vertical body axis except in ballet class?

I am glad you are still with me. This is profound, and I will explain how that has practical applications for improving your pirouette in a moment. But before, let me add that of course your brain is not literally mapping lists of x,y or r,alpha coordinates. The coordinates that I introduced are simply a model of how clumsy or effortless the brain determines where everything of you is when you are in motion. What this implies is that some brains are more efficient at doing it - while others have to make a more conscious effort of getting there, too!

So that brings us to: How can I use this knowledge for a free, practical pirouette upgrade?

Practical steps to help your brain figure out pirouettesSo the practical implication here for all of us turn-learners: You basically have to train your brain to switch from Cartesian to polar coordinates when you are making any kind of turn!

Here are the steps that I have started taking recently and that have made a difference for me:

• Start with THINKING about this concept. Very conscious Thinking is a powerful trigger for neuroplasticity. If you are a physicist and this was just kindergarten for you - great. Indulge in what you know about rotational mechanics and polar coordinates. If you are not, and had trouble following, reread until you get it. Or email me with your questions. In your mind, see yourself from above (or below) and think about how your top of the head rotates (or your passé knee, if you look from below), and how the distance to the center of the rotation stays the same, not matter what you are looking at (=mentally imagining). Think about the switch from clumsy Cartesian to pretty Polar that is about to happen in your brain.
• The key in switching from translations-on-a-circular-path to a true rotation is building and becoming aware of a strong axis. You need to understand that there is this long part of your body, from head to toe, that is actually NOT MOVING AT ALL during a pirouette. And it cannot move before, in the preparation. It cannot suddenly bend in your plié. Your axis needs to stay the same, no matter what. You need a very still center.
• Having this idea of an indestructible axis will help you integrate your teachers corrections into a coherent picture. And that’s always helpful for the brain - to think big pictures, in muscles chains, rather than spots here and there. So “don’t bend at the waist as you plié”, “don’t hike up your hip in passé”, “keep your hips turned out in plié”, “keep the shoulders on the same level”, “extend your standing leg”, “maximum demi-point”, “push into the floor”, arm position etc: All these cues feed a strong axis!
• Observe good turners in class. See if you can “see” their axis. I find that good turners keep their axis even if they fall, i.e. their axis may tilt (=it may angle towards the floor) - but it never disintegrates (=bends somewhere in between). Observing and feeling the observation in your body can also be a strong trigger for new firing patterns in the brain.
• The last, and also the hardest step, is to start feeling your own axis. You start by just standing, becoming aware of it, and just mentally imagine that axis. You can then proceed to very slowly rotating on two legs flat, allthewhile trying to sense that axis part of the body that just remains still. The final move is to start looking/feeling the axis as you do your pirouette. It’s hard. You will forget, because as you turn, your brain feels like a black hole. It doesn’t matter. Just keep reminding yourself, even if it’s not during, but just before the exercise.
• Generally: Mental practice is HUGE. We have enough evidence to know that your brain does not care much whether you actually do something or just imagine it. I mean, this is just such a cheap way of getting more repetitions, it’s almost like stealing. But then again it’s not, because your brain has an endless supply of repetitions to imagine. As long as you are alive, that is. For some of us even after.

So…..let’s wrap this up.

Be patient and enjoy!First, a fair warning/reality-check: This is not a quick process. It may take months until neuroplastic changes occur and you feel consistent changes. And there is a chance that this way of looking at pirouettes simply doesn’t work for your brain. All you can do is give it a shot for some time, and see if it helped you. Especially if all else has failed you so far. And maybe you find out that you need an even different angle on this - which would also be a successful result of this process.

(I also want to add that building an axis is not the only thing that makes a pirouette. I would say it is a basic requirement. But of course you also have other things that will determine the quality of the turn: Mainly, how you accelerate different body segments into the turn and how you spot. But we’ll leave that for other posts.)

And last: Great job! This was maybe not the easiest food for thought, but you made it through. Thinking about stuff like this is a big part of becoming your own teacher. And not just any teacher, but your most supportive one as well. You can now turn your phone back on. Enjoy your time on the dancefloor!

Playing with this concept is already having an effect on my pirouettes. I can’t say if they are getting consistently better, but to me it feels like I understand better how to activate my torso in order to create a solid axis. I am so curious to hear whether this view on pirouettes was helpful at all to you? And if you start playing with it - please share your observations! What changes when you think “axis” and rotating around it? Please comment here, or on IG at @balletmisfits or email me at patricia@balletmisfits.dance!

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Working 1:1, slow, without music, making mistakes, trying different variations. = Neuroplasticity Bingo.

How the heck do you define and explain neuroplasticity?

I keep trying, but I am not at a version that makes me fully happy. Even experts remain a bit vague. It really IS a hard-to-come-by term - but also one of the currently hottest topics in neuroscience, rehab, and education.

So let’s try anyway. I’ll give you a bit of history-in-a-nutshell first: Until a few decades ago, science believed that once you are done with being a child, your brain is essentially fixed like concrete. The consequence of this brain-view being: Once you are an adult, you can’t significantly change how your brain controls your body, thoughts, emotions. Or in the case of ballet: If you start as an adult, you will never be able to learn ballet as thoroughly and perfectly as someone who startet as a child.

Then, science advanced. Groundbreakingly. Evidence after evidence poured in, and we are now at a point where we can safely say that the brain is perfectly capable of dramatic change at any time = any age. It goes as far as that with the right training, you can completely remap one function of the brain from one area to another. (Or even from one brain hemisphere to the other!)

So in essence, there is no brain-based reason why you cannot learn anything you want, as good as you want.

I know what y’all are thinking now: Then why does it feel, that as adult ballet beginners, we don’t seem to learn as fast/thorough, we don’t look as natural, as dancers who started as a kid?

I’ll try to make the answer to this hot question quite cool:

Because “neuroplasticity” is not synonymous with “learning”.

Neuroplasticity is a property of the brain. It means that given the right input, your brain can change to whatever you want. It’s a long-lasting structural change. But the crucial thing here is “the right input”. (Just wait.)

“Learning” on the other hand, is a broader concept of any kind of input and processing to/in the brain. In that sense, the brain is constantly learning, there is always activity = firing and (re-)wiring, simply as a result of being alive and going about your day. But it does not necessarily translate to these long-lasting structural neural changes that allow you to execute a new skill consistently, reliably and automatically.

So you can take class five times per week, follow all of your teacher’s cues, images, corrections, and buy all of Finis Jhung’s videos - it won’t necessarily translate into becoming a full-blown ballerina. You may experience only incremental progress, or that you constantly learn something and then loose it again.

Another way of saying that: While you are learning and applying all the right things, you are not getting them deep enough into your brain.

So the real question that we need to ask is: Why does neuroplasticity come so natural to kids, and not to adults?

And here we are, back to “the right input”.

Because science does not only tell us that the brain is absolutely capable of plasticity, it also tells us what is necessary to trigger it. And even just observing kids and how they learn when they are at their best, can teach us a lot.

Alright. I know that by now, if you are serious about your ballet, your should be all fired up. Because now we’re talking. In the following, I will present you five principles that can totally change your experience of progress in learning ballet. Let’s dive right in:

1) Massed practiceIt’s a widely known fact that you need lots of repetitions to learn a skill. But “massed practice” goes beyond that. In essence, it’s getting as many repetitions within a “short”, limited time period. The term and concept goes back to Dr. Edward Taub, one of the “fathers” or neuroplasticity and its therapeutical applications. He would take in patients, for example after a stroke, to stay in his clinic for a two to three week period, and then let them execute the functions they needed to relearn for the majority of the day. A massive amount of input to the brain, that would eventually lead to lasting changes. This was more effective then less frequent training over a longer period of time.

Application to learning ballet: You can easily see why just taking classes, even every day of the week, simply does not give you enough repetitions. Think about it: During a regular class, you get to do less then ten pirouettes per side. Same thing with jumps, or even the barre exercises. Even if you take 5 classes a week, the number of repetitions you get per skill in a given week is negligible.

So yes, you need to practice outside of classes if you want to progress more than incrementally, that much is clear. But what the concept of massed practice is saying: It is more effective to take, let’s say three weeks and just swamp your brain with repetitions, than to take a few minutes, or an hour, here and there all the time. After those two to three weeks, you can give yourself a break, and just take your classes. These down-times are equally important, because the brain needs some time to process after the mass of input.

Or, if you can’t do just ballet for two or three weeks (let’s be honest here), you could do a slightly modified application of this concept: Make it a point to only work on a set of related movements (like, for example, plié/relevé into passe and pirouettes) whenever you can for two to three weeks, and then switch to another set of movements (like jumps). There are many skills that do not require much space, so you could do this at home, or before/after class in the hallway. This way you still get the massed practice, and the required down time.

(P.S. Massed practice is also the reason why Summer Intensives are so effective and overproportionally advance dancers’ skills! Or the progress you see when you rehearse several hours per day to prepare for a show.)

(P.P.S. Think about how kids learn. The younger they are, the less they do anything else then learning, learning, learning. Or when you look back at biographies of really good athletes, there is usually an element of doing their sports all.the.time when they were a kid. Like having an ice rink in the backyard. Playing soccer on the street. Doing back flips in their bedrooms. They amass an insane amount of repetitions without even thinking about it!)

2) Emotional stateIn short: Physiological stress responses kill both learning and neuroplasticity, because of the neurotransmitter cocktail that is released as part of the stress response. (Glucocorticoids will attack nerve cells in the hippocampus, a brain area that plays a big role in memory and learning.)

So the desired changes in the brain can only happen when the nervous system does not feel threatened, but rather open, safe, and playful!

Application to learning ballet: Now when we think of ballet, we usually first think of its calming effect, how it makes us feel grounded and graceful, how it’s fun and a passionate hobby of ours.

But let’s be honest, a ballet class can be a major source of stress, especially for an adult beginner and intermediate dancer:

It starts with coming into class, and feeling the gravity and grandeur that comes from a century-old and perfectionist art form. You see the more experienced dancers with their multiple warm-up layers and booties stretching their oversplits in an aura of unapproachability. It’s uncomfortably quiet. As you desperately fight to not butcher the combinations and to maintain a straight leg, that cute skirt-leo combo you chose for today suddenly starts feeling a bit over the top. You start wondering what others think. And here comes the greatest gift of all, your teacher approaches you and gives you an Individual Correction, and you just fold under the attention. It’s center time, your group’s turn, and you try to do the correct steps, follow the music, aware that everybody is watching you now, the pirouette is approaching, you really DID want to remember keeping your knee out and your spot in the front, you’re messing up everything before the pirouette because you were only thinking about the pirouette, you know you can do it, and you want to show your teacher that you can do it, but as you are doing your pirouette, you forgot to think at all - and now you’re done. Time to jump, you may have pelvic floor issues, or problems with your foot, and how the hell are you supposed to keep a turn-out without the friction of the floor, and as the more experienced dancers swoosh their grand jetés with that smile-which-is-not-really-a-smile-but-more-of-a-vague-idea, you wonder whether “I’ll just try and give my best” was really brave or maybe just not thought through to the end.

In other words: It’s not only difficult to do what it takes to get through class - it’s even more difficult to maintain a neural state that is conducive to neuroplastic changes! And even if you are not panicking through every class - the inherent stress of having to present yourself and remember cues is enough to swamp your brain with that evil glucocorticoid cocktail.

So what is a Late-to-the-Party Ballerina to do to get her brain out of this mess?

• Breathing: Physiologically, the counter-measure to a sympathetic stress response is activating your parasympathetic nervous system, i.e. the part of your brain circuits that calms you down. As it is also an autonomous part of your brain (i.e. it is activated/shut down without any consicous actions on your side) there is only indirect ways of doing that. Most effective: Breathing. It’s also simple, because you can breathe anywhere, thanks God. So a good idea is to do focus on your breathing before class (on your way there, while you stretch/warm up in the studio). Keep reminding yourself of it, like use your time between exercises, while the teacher is demonstrating etc. Often enough your teacher will remind you of this, too - so don’t just smile at him like he just made a funny joke, but actually do breathe!
• Knowing your steps: For many, remembering sequences can be tough and distracting from anything else. I will do a seperate post about this, but here is an idea: If this gives you trouble, then repeating/marking the steps between classes may help you with getting them deeper into the brain. I work like that. I often have trouble picking up complex allegros, but if I just mark through them slowly (!) a few times after class (I am sure if you ask your teacher, he will show you once more), and maybe another time before the next, I will most surely remember it in the following class. Teachers usually keep their exercises for a few weeks, or longer, in a beginner/intermediate setting, so even if you are having a hard time the first time around, you will probably do better in the following classes. One stressor less.
• Then there are mindset shifts, which is more of a long-term work. It’s about becoming comfortable about who you are, where you are with your ballet skills right now, feeling your space in class, allowing yourself to take up that space and to make mistakes. It’s remembering that others probably don’t think as much about you and your appearance, and even if they do, it’s not your problem if they choose to occupy their mental resources with it. Mostly, though, stress comes not so much from what’s actually happening, but rather from what you make of it in your head. And you have control over what is in your head.
• Relax your face: Here is another thing I do when I feel tense and stressed out in class: I try to imitate that hunch of a smile that is so typical for ballet. So not a full-blown, radiating smile (which could be too much of an activation pattern. But of course do it, if you feel like it!), it’s almost more a relaxation of the facial muscles. Together with that, I explicitely tell myself to enjoy, even if just the next exercise. This is another way of indirectly activating the parasympathetic nervous system. The good thing is: Your stress hormone/neurotransmitter cocktail has a half-life, and movement is really the factor that lowers that half-life period (= the time that it takes your body to remove half of the stuff). And because we are constantly moving during exercises, you can shake off stress even while class is still running!
• “Playing” on your own: And again - the work that you put in between classes can make a huge difference. Just because when you work on your own, or 1 on 1 with a teacher in a private class, you don’t have most of the stressors. You can work on your own pace. Really slow it down (see also next point). You can stop and do it again. Nobody is watching (except your teacher, if it’s a private, but you are hopefully working with someone you are comfortable with). Nobody cares if you make a mistake, not even you. So this builds both skill - but also the confidence that will lower your stress response in class with others.

(P.S. From all the evidence I have digested so far, I believe that the emotional state is one of the main, if not THE main reason why kids learn how they learn. Kids are not worried about how they look to others. They do not care about mistakes, or if they fall, and they don’t limit themselves in the sense of “I have to perfect before I can perform/put myself out there”. They do not want to impress anyone (ok, deep psychological family issues aside). They just want to do fun and crazy stuff. But that’s also the beauty of showing up to the party late: You get to do all the fun and crazy stuff!)

3) SlowThis is actually quite intuitive, but it’s funny how often it is overlooked, underrated, or simply misunderstood. The theory behind this goes back to Feldenkrais (who really is another father of neuroplasticity, long before science acknowledged that there was such thing!). In short: If you want to learn and ingrain a movement skill, you have to be able to execute it SLOWLY, in a controlled manner, before you can speed it up.

Application to learning ballet: This is a great tool. You can use it for anything. Whatever gives you trouble, or even what doesn’t. Just do it very slowly. You will be surprised what you will discover through this. Do a super slow tendu, and you will immediately see if you are on your leg. Do a slow pique arabesque on pointe and you will feel EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD.

The misunderstanding often comes down to: Well, if I do it slowly, I won’t be fast enough, I won’t build the fast-twitch muscles etc. But that’s two different things. With the Slow, you ingrain the movement pattern and build the stability and coordination. THEN you can (and eventually have to) speed it up. Slow is almost always way more challenging than fast.

(Try that with spotting, just on two legs flat, and do slow, clean turning heads. You will actually start feeling all the weird things your head and eyes are doing when you whip them around.)

Again, this point relates to how you practice and train outside of classes, because in classes, the pace is obviously given by the music. And again, you don’t need much space for working on certain movements slowly!

4) VariationSo while you need lots of repetitions of the same movement (see point 1) above), this is another key component of neuroplasticity. You need to give your brain just enough variations to let it “approach” the skill from another angle.

Application to learning ballet: A good example is to practice pirouettes en dehors from forth, from fifth, or from a front attitude (fouetté-style, but just a single or double, or whatever turn). One of my teachers had me practice them from a relevé fifth position, without a plié, just to feel the action of the torso and the arms.

Variation can also mean different speeds, different floor, different shoes (for instance doing jumps or promenades (on flat) in pointe shoes vs soft shoes). You can really get creative. The idea is to make the variation just big enough for the brain to feel a change, but not so big that it actually becomes a different thing.

5) Awareness and AttentionThis is maybe one of the most important principles and conditions for neuroplasticity. That’s why I am putting it off to the very end of this list. So it sticks with you forever!

It comes down to: Training is not the same as training.

If you really want to get a new motor skill deep into the brain, you have to put all your attention to what is actually happening. Meaning: You don’t just go through your repetitions and through the exercises trying to get the steps right - you actually feel what is happening in your feet, legs, pelvis, torso, arms. Even if you do it wrong, you still intercept what’s going on everywhere. You actually feel the mistake. It goes beyond mindfulness - it’s actually paying attention to all the actions relevant to the movement you are executing in every given moment.

This may sound trivial, but see point 2) how fast we turn our attention to everything that is not relevant for the execution of the movement. Or we get annoyed by what we did wrong, or compare how others do it better.

Keep coming back, every time.

So there you have it.

One note of caution: First of all, there are more principles than the five listed here, and second, the mechanisms of neuroplasticity are a huge, but not the only factor in getting better at ballet. Other factors include your body’s dimensions, how fast you respond to training stimuli, how fast you build muscle etc. But I will guarantee you that if you start applying these five principles, you will see a difference in your progress.

Let’s not kid ourselves - it will be a challenge! You will need to make extra efforts to find space, to work after/between classes, to do it even when others may think you are a bit of a nerd/nut to put in all that extra work.

But if you find the braveness to allow yourself to learn like a child again, and put in the work against all odds - you can be pretty sure that, eventually, neuroplasticity will do the rest for you.

I would love to hear about your explorations! Have you tried any of these principles before, or are you thinking about experimenting with them? Keep me posted on your progress! And let me know if you would like me to expand on any of these principles in more detail.

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Beautiful, but biomechanically evil stretch canvas slippers.

Compared to many other activities, starting ballet as an adult, especially past 35, is kind of a funny thing. It’s almost like breaking into holy territory - that is usually reserved for 9-year-old-on-pointe prodigies, flawless professionals, and the somewhat mature ex-dancers who still look like perfection (killing it in your casual drop-in class).

So first of all - I applaud you and all of us, for breaking into that territory! It takes guts, perseverance, and a certain amount of devoted self-tolerance.

I decided to create this blog because I feel that learning ballet as a more mature adult (or so I wish!) is different from learning it when you are a young kid. You learn differently, some thing are harder to acquire, but you also have many advantages when it comes to developing your skills. So to start off, I thought I’d look back on my ballet journey so far - and, with a nostalgic sigh, think of all the things I wish I had known when I started out. Actually I will limit myself to only five of them, because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to stop, haha. Let’s go:

1) Consider yourself lucky that you started ballet late in your life.I don’t know about you, but I kept having regrets, once I got a bit of a hang of ballet. Like, that I would have been so good, if I had just started as a kid. Or even as a teenager, like Misty Copeland. Why oh why? Now getting my splits and extensions will take longer, and I won’t have very much life time left to enjoy being really good once I am actually really good, etc etc.

Wrong. It took me a while to realize - but I now understand that it’s great the way it is. And I am not saying this to make myself (and yourself) feel better. I think the late party arrival is an asset, and advantage you can build on. There is so much freedom to learn ballet as an adult. I can learn on my own pace. I don’t have the pressure from any ambitious parents, teachers, and competition judges. I went through normal puberty. I didn’t stress not fully grown bones. My feet had a chance to develop properly. I can buy as many cute skirts as I like and wear what I want in class. I am not saying that going through ballet training as a child is bad or damaging, not at all. I have deep respect and applaude any dancer who went through the rigorous training from a young age. I just think that the playfulness and curiosity with which I can approach learning ballet now is deeply satisfying and nourishing. And here is the thing: No one and nothing keeps you and me from training like a child. If you decide you want to become really good, then you are still free to put in the amount of work that a child would put in during the course of a professional training. With the advantage of doing it on your terms!

2) Don’t EVER wear black slippers, and other ballet slipper shenaningans.I took my first ballet classes in socks - which is fine, works with most studio floors, and all teachers that I have had so far were ok with it when you are just starting out.

At some point I felt the urge to get a bit more sophisticated and get myself a pair of ballet slippers. I chose black ones. Why? In all honesty: I thought that black was nice and most of all, it felt a little bit cool, or let’s say not so ballet-girly-dreamy as pink ones. I guess the former hockey player in me still had kind of an issue with too much ballet style and colors.

Meep. So in short: A black shoe visually breaks the line of your leg and foot, and just looks clumsy. Choose a pink or nude one, possibly dye it to match your skin color, and that’s it. (Just don’t wear black tights in them, but I’ll leave that for another post.)

Other shenaningans:

• My first pair was also too big. Yes, you want space for your toes, but they should still be in contact with the shoe in the front. Let an experienced dance store staff member fit you if unsure.
• For quite a while, I was completely obsessed with stretch canvas slippers, because they made such a beautiful line and felt so nice and snug. Until one teacher finally got me away from them. And he was right. It’s simple physics. A stretch canvas slipper, even if it fits perfectly, will always restrict the mechanics of your toes ever so slightly, i.e. the fabric will tend to pull the toes together and inwards, while you are actually trying to learn to spread them out and elongate. And a well-fitting normal canvas shoe will still make a beautiful line.

3) Make standing on two legs flat your top progress priority.Ballet is, I repeat myself, a bit funny. Because a) the whole posture and movements are so different from everyday patterns (due to the turn-out) and b) a lot has to come together to make it right. All that makes it a hard challenge to teach and learn ballet in a systematic and sequential way, because while you can analyze it and listen to your teacher’s cues for particular body areas, everything else that is not cued in that moment still has to work, too.

So essentially, one big way of learning ballet is that you are constantly trying to get it right, activating here and there, feeling it, adjusting, etc, and the body (actually nervous system) slowly, over time, figures out the configuration that works best (Moshe Feldenkrais did some amazing work in figuring out this motor learning process) for a particular pose. So you follow the cues, activate here, forget over there, remember elsewhere, and all that feeds your brain so it can eventually find out what’s most effective. And that fine- and finer-tuning never stops.

Well - and standing on two legs flat is the basis of it all.

But instead, as beginners, we are so eager to learn the steps, pirouettes, jumps. Which is relatable. But if I would start all over again, I would use every break, and every moment of clarity to remember standing on two legs. Before each exercise. Maybe in the middle of it. While cooking. On the subway. It’s doable, because you are on two legs, flat. But if you get this, then standing on one leg will be much more clearer to your body. And in releve. And on pointe.

4) Get a ton of bodywork, even without having any issues.I have been getting regular body works sessions for many years now. But looking back, especially in the first two years of taking up ballet, it would have made sense to have more. That’s related to what I said under 3) - i.e. that ballet kind of shakes up your posture and movement patterns. Good and effective bodywork has the potential to help you ease into these new patterns, and helps preventing problems. Think of it this way: If you constantly have to work against habitual tension, it’s like wasting energy (the pressing-the-gas-and-brake-at-the-same-time thing).

But we know how it goes - we usually go and see a practitioner only when it’s too late, i.e. when in pain or injured.

What do I mean by bodywork? It’s not physiotherapy or massages. I am refering to any manual modality that can access deep layers and tissues and have an effect on the nervous system - in a long-lasting way. From everything that I have personally tried, Rolfing and Visceral Osteopathy stand out. These are the only two methods that have brought me sustainable changes, seperately and in combination. Google “Find a Rolfer” and you will get a link to the Rolfing association and their directory of practitioners in your area. Check here for a directory of Visceral Manipulation therapists.

5) You will progress faster if you don’t rush into the next class level.I know, I could make a case for the opposite, too: Don’t hang out too long in your foundation/basics/total beginner level. But if you are like me, and have a certain ambition going on, this won’t be your problem.

So here is the deal: Of course it’s great to progress fast and be able to take classes that are on the next level up. Not only because it shows that you have improved, but also because it might give your more options to take classes during the week (that was a big argument for me). And chapeau for challenging yourself and tolerating that feeling of total overwhelm when you step into a harder class!

What I have come to realize is that while I might be able to do the steps - if my technique breaks down in executing the exercises, it’s probably not the best class for me. So I have actually backed down: While quickly climbing from a total Basics to a quite advanced level class within my first three years, and being quite proud of it, I realized that despite doing the steps in the correct sequence, during the advanced class I wasn’t able to hold my body in a way that would benefit my learning. The complexity of the exercises required so much focus on the steps, that I did not have enough mental resources for making sure that I was standing and moving technically as good as I could. So I regressed. I turned away from any advanced level classes and went back to beginner and indermediate levels. Well, one teacher actually helped me realize all this - I doubt that I would have had the mental clarity (and honesty) to figure this out on my own :-) (I did sprinkle in some advanced classes in this summer. Sometimes it’s good to give the nervous system a bit of an overload - but I’ll leave that for an other post as well.) Again: Learning ballet does not have much to do with mastering ever longer and more complex combination (at least in the first few years) - it’s more about how much longer and longer you can sustain a good posture while doing any kind of steps.

So here we go, now you have it! Can you relate? ALL THAT SAID, do I really want to turn back time? Of course not. But realizing all these things and applying them now is STILL RELEVANT. And will be for a long while, I guess. I am sharing this to give you some food for thought, while knowing that learning ballet is a physically demanding, often emotionally overwhelming, and mentally taxing process. It’s trial and error - which means that realizations, learning successes, and insights often come from doing things the non-ideal way first, and then somehow stumbling on a better way.

So keep breaking into that holy territory, even if you don’t have it all figured out. Just don’t wear black slippers and you’ll be good.

I am curious: Can you relate to these points? Is there something you wish you had known at the beginning or figured out sooner? Feel free to leave a comment or email me! I’d love to hear from you :-)

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So you were brave enough to start ballet as an adult! Hats off. Or maybe you are still contemplating the idea of getting started. Or you are possibly a good chunk on your way already, with pointe work, more intermediate classes, and some performances under your belt. Hi there and welcome! I am Patricia, and I am happy to have you here. I am excited about kicking off this blog that has been on my mind for so long. I hope it will be a good companion to you. Shoot me an email if you would like to read about specific topics - I will do my best to cover them!

The core assumption about adult balletIt’s interesting how much of a big deal it is to start ballet later in life. More than in any other sports and activities, I find.

Mostly, the challenge of learning ballet as an adult is ascribed to physical abilities (or lack of them) and what kind of body you bring to the party. Adult bodies are seen as not as pliable, so that gets the blame for why adults can’t achieve as much or progress as fast when it comes to ballet. For some, this might be in the way of getting even started.

I want to challenge that belief for a moment. What if the hurdle to starting and progressing in ballet wasn’t so much about physical qualities?

There might be more to it - my storyI believe that there is this one underlying fear that hits you when you take up and start learning ballet, and that fear might impact the way you move and even how fast you learn ballet. It has specifically to do with ballet being more than just a sport, but rather a discipline of grace and beauty.

Let me explain by exemplifying my own ballet story.

It was by pure accident that I ended up in my first ballet class. All my life, I was the kinda girl who was involved in all sort of sports - always getting pretty good at it, but never specializing too much. Badminton, tennis, volleyball, basketball, sailing, skiing, running, weightlifting, ice hockey….you name it. Mostly activities with high power, intensity, impact, contact. I didn’t consider myself good at any ‘artsy’ activities that required elegance and coordination. Even a simple aerobics class was somewhat beyond me.

But there came a point in my life, around my early thirties, where all that heavy, rough, high-intensity stuff didn’t grab me as much any more. It was as if I had explored my brute-force-lactic-acid boundaries enough, and it was time for other things.

No, not ballet yet, though. That would’ve been a bit too much of a leap.

So after I quit playing ice hockey, I decided to start taking hiphop classes. It was a lot about coordination, so a nice challenge, while still quite athletic and cool like hockey.

Facing fearThe studio I was dancing at also offered ballet classes. But it took me a few more years. Finally, I started to feel that urge for change again. For pushing my boundaries even more. Mostly, though, I thought that ballet would help me get better at hip hop dancing. So I finally set out to take my first ballet class.

Enter the Fear.

I call it the Fear of Gracefulness.

It’s the fear of engaging in something so delicate and graceful as ballet. After a sports life full of swag, dripping sweat (little did I know what was ahead haha), and the informality/casualness of most athletic activities - this was a lot to handle.

I think that this fear rooted in an insecurity about that feminine side of myself, not being sure if I had that tenderness that ballet required of me - and if I did have it, if I could let it out.

The loss of toughening upAnd maybe it’s not just in comparison to other physical activites. Maybe the Fear of Gracefulness is also a metaphor for life. As women, we have often grown up to be a bit cautious of that vulnerability and tenderness that gracefulness entails. We have had to toughen up in so many areas: Building careers in male-dominated environments; managing our families; dealing with annoying mobile phone providers, unwilling landlords, noisy neighbors; trying to not be sexually harrassed; and making it through countless Christmas seasons without breaking down.

Maybe that toughening up, that fear of letting the gracefulness guard down, is why so many of us don’t even consider starting ballet, or don’t expect to ever look like a true ballerina.

Back to my story. I utterly and wholeheartedly loved my first class, from the first minute. Somehow, I knew this was it, that my body was meant to do this, although I did not have the typical ballerina body (I was way too tall and not very flexible).

But to this day, the Fear of Gracefulness is a constant companion. I can feel it when I get too respectful of a combination, or when I feel my body hold back in particular steps. When I look down instead of straight ahead. When I tense up in class. When I secretly envy the elegance of those that are more advanced or just get a particular step faster than me. When I rather not want to see what I see in the mirror, or when I do not want to be seen by others.

But despair not, my dear (I tell myself).

The gift of late balletBecause maybe ballet, taken up late, with all the scars you have gathered, is just what we all need. A chance to rediscover that tender gracefulness, and bring it to life.

As for me, I am inviting gracefulness back in little steps. When I remind myself to be as tall as I am. When I allow myself to enjoy an exercise so much that it makes me smile a bit, even when I have the steps wrong and the leg not fully extended. When I accept that learning a particular step might take me longer, but that I will eventually get it, and let myself indulge the unfinished version of it. When I see that I have something unique to bring to the ballet party, just like everyone else does.

Facing the Fear of Gracefulness is huge. It will give your balances more ease, it will make you travel more, and help you maintain your posture longer, even without thinking about it. And it will make other people notice that there is something different about you, something determined and captivating.

And who knows, maybe that mobile phone provider, landlord or neighbor will be easier to tackle, too. Because once you face your fear, let your guard down, and let gracefulness give you a hand, there is a little bit less to struggle with and maybe some unexpected help around the corner.

So next time in class, say hi to your fear, and throughly and brazenly enjoy that first plie - with all the gracefulness you’ve got.

Big topic for me! What about you? Do you ever feel fearful and contracted in class? Or afraid to let yourself be elegant and graceful? What’s your way of dealing with it? Comment here, or on FB/Insta, or feel free to shoot an email!