The Caregiver Cup Podcast: Recent Episodes
Cathy VandenHeuvel
Helping the busy woman caregiver take the time to fill her own cup FIRST so she can be an effective caregiver while pursuing her passion and goals. The podcast's focus is on mindset, guilt, mastering time, setting boundaries and maintaining healthy habits. Listen weekly to personal experiences, tips, inspiration, real stories, and interviews.
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As we wrap up Season 3 of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, I want to leave you with one simple reminder:
You don't have to carry it all today.
Over the past season, we've talked about burnout, overwhelm, anger, resentment, guilt, negative self-talk, rebuilding your cup, and learning to care for ourselves with greater awareness and compassion.
But today isn't about learning something new.
It's about celebrating how far you've come... and carrying these lessons into whatever caregiving season comes next.
In this heartfelt season finale, we'll reflect on:
✨ The biggest lessons from Season 3
✨ Why your cup has been talking to you all along
✨ A simple weekly "Cup Check" to help you notice what you need before your cup spills
✨ Why healing happens one breath, one step, and one day at a time
✨ Encouragement to move forward with grace instead of guilt
If your cup has felt full, empty, overflowing, or even cracked...
this episode is for you.
Because the spill was never proof you failed.
It was information.
It was your mind, body, and heart asking for care.
💛 Your cup was never meant to stay full forever. It was meant to be noticed, cared for, and refilled... again and again.
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Have you ever felt like caregiving has emptied your cup... or even cracked it?
You're not alone.
In this episode, we're talking about what rebuilding really looks like after burnout, overwhelm, emotional exhaustion, or a difficult caregiving season.
You'll discover:
✨ Why rebuilding isn't about becoming the person you were before caregiving
✨ The three ways a caregiver's cup can "break"
✨ How to begin rebuilding one small step at a time
✨ Why celebrating small wins matters more than you think
✨ How to move forward with hope, compassion, and grace
Because healing doesn't happen all at once.
💛 It happens one small choice...
one small win...
and one small step at a time.
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Have you ever taken a break, gone for a walk, met a friend for coffee, or asked for help... only to feel guilty afterward?
You're not alone.
In this episode, we're talking about the guilt that often shows up when caregivers finally start taking care of themselves.
We'll explore:
✨ Why caregiver guilt is so common
✨ The stories we tell ourselves about self-care
✨ What guilt sounds like in everyday life
✨ A simple 4-step practice to help release guilt
✨ And why taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's necessary
If you've ever thought:
👉 "I should be doing more."
👉 "I shouldn't need a break."
👉 "What if they need me?"
This episode is for you.
Because taking care of yourself doesn't take love away from your loved one.
💛 It allows you to keep showing up with more of it.
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Have you ever felt like you've tried everything?
The walks.
The journaling.
The podcasts.
The support groups.
The self-care.
And yet... you're still overwhelmed.
In this episode, we're talking about something many caregivers experience but rarely discuss:
👉 What happens when the things that used to help... don't seem to work anymore?
You'll learn why coping tools sometimes stop working, how caregiving seasons change our needs, and how to build a flexible toolbox that supports you through stress, burnout, grief, and overwhelm.
Because my friend...
👉 The goal isn't finding the perfect tool.
👉 The goal is continuing to care for yourself as your needs change.
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As caregivers, we spend so much time responding, fixing, managing, and pushing through…
that we often forget to check in with ourselves.
In this bonus episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re slowing things down for a gentle pause and reflection on what may be “boiling under the surface.”
Together, we talk about:
☕️ Emotional overload and overwhelm
☕️ The subtle signs we may be carrying too much
☕️ Why slowing down matters
☕️ Reflection as release
☕️ And giving yourself permission to pause before your cup overflows
If you’ve been feeling mentally foggy, emotionally heavy, or simply not like yourself lately…
this episode is for you.
👉 Your cup doesn’t have to overflow before you deserve a refill. 💛
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Caregiving is already hard enough…
But sometimes the hardest part isn’t just what’s happening around you—
👉 it’s the story happening inside your own mind.
The guilt.
The “should haves.”
The self-doubt.
The pressure to do more, be more, and hold everything together.
In this episode, we’re talking about the invisible mental load caregivers carry through negative self-talk, guilt, shame, perfectionism, and the stories that can quietly keep us stuck.
Together, we explore:
☕️ Common caregiver thought traps
☕️ Why “should-ing” creates pressure and burnout
☕️ The internal stories that fuel overwhelm
☕️ How stress can distort your self-worth
☕️ And simple ways to begin shifting your thoughts with more awareness and compassion
You’ll also learn my simple 3C Method:
✨ Catch
✨ Cancel
✨ Correct
—so you can begin rewriting the stories that no longer serve you.
Because my friend…
👉 Not every thought deserves to become your truth.
If your mind has been feeling loud lately…
this episode is for you.
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Caregiving can feel overwhelming…
But overwhelm doesn’t always show up all at once.
Sometimes…
☕️ It’s the slow spill.
The piling on of responsibilities.
The mental load.
The emotional exhaustion.
The moments when easy suddenly feels hard.
In this episode, we’re breaking down:
✨ What caregiver overwhelm really is
✨ The many layers of overwhelm
✨ How it sneaks in
✨ What happens when we ignore it
✨ And practical ways to stop the spiral before burnout
Because overwhelm isn’t weakness…
👉 It’s a signal.
As you listen, I invite you to gently ask yourself:
👉 What does overwhelm look like for YOU?
Is it in your body?
Is it in your thoughts?
Is it in your emotions?
When we notice the spill…
we can begin to protect our cup.
🎧 If caregiving has been feeling like too much lately…
this episode is for you.
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Have you ever felt angry as a caregiver…
and then immediately felt guilty for it?
My friend… you are not alone.
And there is nothing wrong with you.
In this episode, we’re talking about caregiver anger—the frustration, the quick reactions, and the guilt that follows.
✨ Why anger shows up
✨ What’s underneath it
✨ How to release the guilt
✨ And simple ways to respond with more awareness
You’ll also hear a personal story about walking Eddie that reminds us:
👉 You can feel angry… and still be loving.
👉 You can have a hard moment… and still be doing an amazing job.
As you listen, gently ask yourself:
💛 What is my cup telling me today?
Because your anger…
👉 doesn’t define you.
👉 it’s trying to guide you.
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Have you ever felt angry… frustrated… or even resentful in your caregiving journey—and then immediately felt guilty for it?
You’re not alone.
And more importantly… there’s nothing wrong with you.
In this episode, we’re opening up about the emotions many of us experience—but don’t always talk about.
The ones that feel uncomfortable.
The ones that don’t seem to match the love you have.
But here’s the truth…
☕️ These are part of the caregiving journey.
Inside this episode, we’ll walk through:
✨ Why emotions like anger, frustration, and resentment show up
✨ How they slowly build over time
✨ The guilt that often follows—and how to release it
✨ And how to begin noticing what your cup is trying to tell you
You’ll also hear a personal story I’ve never shared before…
one that reminded me that two things can be true at the same time:
You can love deeply…
and still feel overwhelmed.
As you listen, I invite you to gently ask yourself:
💛 What emotion has been showing up for me lately?
💛 Have I been pushing it down… or noticing it?
Because these emotions…
👉 don’t define you.
👉 they’re guiding you.
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Have you ever felt like something is just… off?
You’re more tired than usual.
You’re snapping quicker.
You’re forgetting things… or just not feeling like yourself.
And you catch yourself thinking…
“Why do I feel this way?”
My friend… this is what I call the spill.
In this episode, we’re talking about what happens when your cup starts to spill—and how to recognize the signs before it turns into burnout.
Because here’s the truth…
☕️ your cup will spill.
Not because you’re doing anything wrong…
but because you’re human… and you’re carrying a lot.
Inside this episode, we’ll walk through:
✨ What “the spill” actually is (and why it matters)
✨ The difference between a spill and burnout
✨ Real-life signs your body, mind, and emotions are trying to get your attention
✨ And how to respond with awareness instead of judgment
You’ll also hear a personal story that changed everything for me—and how I learned to stop ignoring what my cup was trying to tell me.
As you listen, I invite you to gently ask yourself:
💛 Where is my cup right now?
💛 What is my cup telling you today?
Because those moments when things feel like too much…
aren’t something to push away.
They’re something to understand.
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Caregiving asks a lot of you…
your time, your energy, your heart.
And sometimes… your cup spills.
Not just a little—but in ways that leave you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and wondering where those emotions even came from.
If you’ve ever felt burnout, frustration, or even resentment in your caregiving journey… you are not alone. And more importantly—you’re not doing anything wrong.
In this preview of Season 3: When the Cup Spills, we’re opening the door to the real, honest side of caregiving that doesn’t always get talked about.
This season is all about:
☕️ Recognizing when your cup is overflowing
☕️ Understanding the emotions that come with caregiving
☕️ Giving yourself grace and compassion in those moments
☕️ And finding simple ways to move through it—without guilt
As you listen, I invite you to gently ask yourself:
What is my cup telling me today?
Because those moments when things feel like too much…
they’re not something to ignore.
They’re something to understand.
💛 Season 3 is here to walk with you through it.
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Season 2 of The Caregiver Cup Podcast has been all about one powerful idea:
Caregiving your way.
Caregiving often begins suddenly. You step in, respond to needs, and do whatever it takes to support the person you love. But over time, many caregivers find themselves living a rhythm they never intentionally chose — one that can leave them exhausted, overwhelmed, and wondering how to sustain the journey.
In this Season 2 finale, Cathy reflects on the powerful lessons shared throughout the season and the voices of caregivers who reached out with their stories.
Together, we revisit three meaningful shifts that can help caregivers create a steadier caregiving rhythm:
• Allowing support instead of carrying everything alone
• Reclaiming small moments of joy in everyday life
• Protecting your energy with healthy boundaries
Cathy also shares inspiring messages from caregivers across the country who are navigating their own caregiving journeys while balancing work, family, and emotional challenges.
This episode is a reminder that caregiving doesn’t have to follow a single path.
Every caregiver’s story is different.
Every situation is unique.
But even small shifts — asking for help, protecting your time, reclaiming joy — can create meaningful change.
As Season 2 comes to a close, Cathy invites you to reflect on one simple question:
What is one small shift you want to carry forward in your caregiving journey?
Because caregiving your way isn’t about perfection.
It’s about making intentional choices that sustain both you and the person you love.
And if you’re listening today, remember this:
You are doing meaningful work.
You are showing up with love.
And you are not alone.
Season 3 will continue the conversation by exploring the deeper emotional seasons of caregiving — burnout, grief, identity shifts, and how caregivers refill their cup when it spills.
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Caregivers make hundreds of decisions every single day.
Appointments.
Medications.
Phone calls.
Family needs.
Work responsibilities.
And somewhere along the way, many caregivers get used to saying yes to everything.
Yes to the extra task.
Yes to the extra responsibility.
Yes to being the one who always handles it.
But every yes comes with a hidden trade.
When you say yes to everything, you quietly say no to your energy, rest, and mental space.
In this bonus episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re talking about a simple but powerful practice that can help caregivers reduce overwhelm and reclaim clarity — creating a Yes List and a No List.
You’ll learn:
✨ Why decision fatigue hits caregivers so hard
✨ How your brain responds to clarity vs. overwhelm
✨ How to identify what truly deserves your energy this week
✨ Why saying no can actually improve your caregiving experience
✨ How protecting your time and mental space creates room for joy and support
Cathy also shares a personal story from her caregiving journey with her mom and how saying no to certain responsibilities actually opened the door for more family support and deeper connection.
This episode is a gentle mindset reset and a reminder that:
You don’t have to do everything.
You get to choose what matters most.
Because every intentional yes builds a steadier caregiving rhythm…
and every protective no helps sustain the caregiver behind the care.
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Caregiving can slowly shrink your identity.
Appointments. Medications. Advocacy. Logistics.
But you are more than a caregiver.
In Season 2, Episode 9 of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re talking about something that often disappears in heavy seasons: joy.
Not big vacations.
Not unrealistic positivity.
Not pretending things aren’t hard.
But tiny, daily micro-moments of joy that help caregivers recharge, reset their nervous system, and protect their emotional health.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
✔️ Why joy is not selfish — it’s stabilizing
✔️ How chronic caregiver stress impacts your ability to feel light
✔️ The science behind why small positive moments build resilience
✔️ Practical categories of joy (music, rituals, sensory moments, laughter, identity joy)
✔️ A simple “3 J’s of Joy” framework you can use immediately
✔️ Reflection questions to help you rediscover what fuels you
Cathy shares a personal story from Denis’ stem cell transplant season — finding a quiet gazebo in the middle of hospital buildings and choosing to focus on spring buds, birds, and stillness. The situation didn’t change — but the moment did.
Because if caregiving takes up most of your day, joy has to live inside your day.
This episode will help you remember:
You are more than the hard things you manage.
You are allowed to feel light in heavy seasons.
And joy doesn’t wait for caregiving to end — it lives inside it.
🎧 Listen now and take one small step toward reclaiming joy in your caregiving journey.
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Caregiving is not meant to be a solo mission.
In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re talking about something many caregivers struggle with — building a support system.
Whether you’re caring for a spouse, parent, or loved one, the pressure to “do it all” can feel overwhelming. But strength isn’t handling everything alone. Strength is building a team.
In Season 2, Episode 8 — The Support System Blueprint, we explore:
✔️ Why caregivers struggle to ask for help
✔️ How to identify the gaps in your current support
✔️ The difference between emotional, practical, and professional support
✔️ How to create “micro-teams” instead of looking for one superhero
✔️ Delegation and outsourcing ideas that protect your energy
✔️ Why automating and simplifying your life counts as support
✔️ How asking for help protects your rhythm, boundaries, and emotional space
Cathy shares her personal story of preparing for Denis’ stem cell transplant — building both a “home blueprint” and a “Milwaukee blueprint” — and how allowing others to step in made the journey steadier, not weaker.
You’ll walk away with reflection questions and one small action step to begin building your own caregiver support system — even if asking feels uncomfortable.
Because you were never meant to carry caregiving alone.
🎧 If this episode resonates, share it with another caregiver who may need encouragement today.
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We’re about two-thirds of the way through Season 2, and before we move forward, I felt a pull to slow down.
No new framework.
No new acronym.
No fresh hack to master.
Just you and me.
Because underneath rhythm, boundaries, resets, time management, and emotional protection… there’s one core truth:
You can’t pour from a cup that’s quietly leaking.
In this bonus episode, we gently explore what an “energy leak” really is — and why so many caregivers feel exhausted even when they haven’t “done that much.”
Energy leaks aren’t always dramatic. They often look like:
- The conversation you replay in your head
- The guilt you carry for resting
- The constant explaining and justifying
- Doom scrolling that leaves you heavier
- The tension in your shoulders
- The “what if” thoughts at 2am
Not all exhaustion is physical.
Some of it is emotional leakage.
In this episode, I guide you through reflective journaling prompts (that you can write, walk with, or simply sit with) to help you notice where your energy may be quietly draining.
✍️ The 4 Journaling Prompts:
- Where do I feel most drained right now?
Is it a person, a responsibility, a pattern, or my own thoughts? - What do I keep saying yes to that leaves me resentful?
(Resentment is often a boundary leak.) - What input could I reduce?
News, social media, constant researching, self-criticism? - When do I feel most steady or peaceful?
The opposite of the leak often shows us the solution.
I also share powerful messages from caregivers in this community — because when one caregiver speaks up, it helps another feel less alone.
We talk about:
- Why awareness is the first step
- How small adjustments can close big leaks
- Why you don’t need to “fix the whole pipe” — just tighten one place
- And how protecting your energy is sacred work
If you’ve been wondering why you feel so tired…
This episode is your gentle reset.
Because awareness is not weakness.
It’s wisdom.
And you are wiser than you think. 💛
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Caregiving isn’t just physical work — it’s emotional and mental work, too.
We plan for appointments, treatments, schedules, and tasks…
but most caregivers never create a plan for their mental and emotional health.
In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re talking about how to protect your mental and emotional space — so you can show up more fully, without feeling drained, resentful, or overwhelmed.
We explore:
- what mental and emotional space really is
- how draining people and constant advocacy can quietly exhaust you
- why comparison is one of the biggest (and sneakiest) energy drains
- how to protect your emotional bandwidth without guilt
- simple, practical tools to create space that feels calm, personal, and even sacred
This episode isn’t about shutting people out or caring less.
It’s about caring sustainably — and remembering that you matter, too.
Because finding peace doesn’t come from big changes.
It comes from small steps, reflection, and choosing to protect what keeps you grounded.
And when you protect your inner space, everything you give comes from a healthier place.
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Traditional time management advice wasn’t created with caregivers in mind.
When your days are shaped by appointments, emotional labor, interruptions, and the unexpected, trying to follow rigid schedules or productivity systems can feel frustrating — and even guilt-inducing.
In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re talking honestly about why traditional time management fails caregivers — and what actually works instead.
This isn’t about doing more or squeezing productivity out of every minute.
It’s about making your day feel lighter, more supportive, and more sustainable.
You’ll learn three simple, caregiver-friendly approaches:
- Energy Mapping — how to work with your energy instead of the clock
- Must-Do vs. Can-Wait — a compassionate way to reduce overwhelm and guilt
- The Power of 10-Minute Windows — how small, intentional moments can move your day forward
We’ll also talk about caregiver fatigue, brain fog, and why time management can feel hard — and why that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
This episode is for caregivers who want more ease, more clarity, and a way to manage their days that honors their reality.
Because time management is a skill — not a personality trait.
And your time doesn’t have to be perfect to be purposeful.
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Caregiving can feel overwhelming, especially when the days are full and your energy feels stretched thin.
In this short bonus episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, I’m inviting you to do something simple — choose one small reset and change your day.
This episode isn’t about fixing caregiving or creating a perfect routine.
It’s about finding your way through the hard moments with intention, compassion, and care for yourself.
You’ll hear a personal story about realizing the old way wasn’t sustainable, why one small step can create space and clarity, and how simple reset rituals can calm your nervous system, restore energy, and help you return stronger.
I’ll also share a few easy reset options — breath, body, and space — so you can choose what feels right in the moment.
Because making every day count doesn’t mean doing more.
It means caring for yourself, even in small ways.
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In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re talking about one of the hardest — and most important — skills every caregiver needs: setting boundaries without guilt.
If you’ve ever felt selfish for needing rest…
If you’ve said yes when you meant no…
If you’ve carried resentment because everyone else’s needs came before your own…
this conversation is for you.
We explore what healthy boundaries really are (and what they are not), why caregivers struggle so deeply with guilt, and how boundaries actually protect both you and the people you love. Drawing on insights from Terri Cole’s “Boundary Boss” and real-life caregiving stories, you’ll learn why boundaries aren’t walls — they’re bridges and paths that make caregiving sustainable.
Inside this episode, you’ll discover:
- What healthy boundaries look like in everyday caregiving
- Why guilt shows up when you start saying no — and what it really means
- The emotional and physical cost of having no boundaries
- Simple scripts and tools for setting boundaries with family, friends, and loved ones
- How to handle pushback, emotional reactions, and the fear of disappointing others
You’ll also get reflection questions, one small action step, and encouragement to begin practicing gentle boundaries that protect your energy, health, and heart.
Because caring for others starts with caring for yourself — and boundaries are how you make that possible. 💛
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In today’s episode, we’re kicking off the season by building something every caregiver needs but rarely talks about: a rhythm that actually supports you.
Caregiving is unpredictable — your days can shift in an instant. But having a gentle rhythm can give you grounding, stability, and pockets of peace in the middle of the chaos. A rhythm won’t make caregiving perfect… but it will make caregiving easier.
Inside this episode, I walk you through my simple, flexible ANCHOR Method for creating a rhythm that fits your real life:
A — Ask about your energy
Start with your natural flow, not your to-do list.
N — Name your non-negotiables
Identify what must happen each day so you can build around it.
C — Choose your anchor habits
Small grounding rituals — morning, midday, evening — that steady you.
H — Hold it loosely
Your rhythm should support flexibility, not perfection.
O — Organize it visually
Make your rhythm easy to remember with simple visual cues.
R — Review & reset weekly
Your rhythm evolves as your caregiving evolves.
You’ll also hear a personal story of how rhythm helped me survive one of my hardest caregiving seasons — and how tiny habits became my lifeline.
Whether you’re craving more ease in your mornings, more calm in your evenings, or just a little breathing room in your day… this episode will help you start creating a rhythm that works for you, not against you.
🌼 Plus: Reflection prompts + one simple action step to help you start your ANCHOR Rhythm today.
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Welcome to Season 2 of The Caregiver Cup Podcast — a brand-new year and a brand-new chapter where we finally do caregiving your way.
Last season, you explored what’s in your cup—your identity, your needs, your well-being, and how caregiving has shaped you. Now it’s time to take everything you’ve uncovered… and turn it into a rhythm, a flow, and a caregiving life that actually supports you.
This season is your permission slip to create routines and boundaries that honor your energy, protect your mental and emotional space, and make room for joy—even in the hard moments. Inside this special trailer, you’ll get a heartfelt sneak peek at what’s coming, including:
✨ How to build a caregiving rhythm that feels grounding, not overwhelming
✨ Ways to set healthy boundaries without guilt or second-guessing
✨ Practical, realistic time management tips you can actually use
✨ Tools to protect your emotional bandwidth and stay centered
✨ Why reclaiming joy matters—and how to weave it into everyday moments
If you’ve been craving more flow, more clarity, and even a few minutes of peace in your day… you’re in the right place.
So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and settle in. Season 2 officially begins January 13, and together we’re creating a caregiving life that reflects your needs, your strength, and your way.
Let’s build your rhythm.
Let’s find your flow.
Let’s protect your time, energy, and joy—starting now. 💛✨
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This final episode of Season 1 is your guided reflection and celebration — a moment to pause, breathe, and honor how far you’ve come on your caregiving journey.
Together, we revisit the heart of this season and explore what has shifted inside your cup — your energy, your mindset, your confidence, your emotional awareness, and your ability to care for yourself while caring for someone you love.
Here’s what we reflect on:
💛 What you carry and who you’ve become (Episode 1)
💛 Your energy story — what drains you and what restores you (Episode 2)
💛 Your emotional red flags and what they’re trying to tell you (Episode 3)
💛 How to catch, cancel, and correct negative thoughts (Episode 4)
💛 Why forgetfulness is overload, not failure (Episode 5)
💛 How to lighten “no choice” seasons (Episode 6)
💛 How guilt and shame lose power when named (Episode 7)
💛 How to know what you need — and how to ask for it (Episode 8)
This episode gives you space to ask yourself meaningful questions:
✨ What changed in my cup this season?
✨ Where did I grow?
✨ What story am I ready to release?
✨ What does my cup need next?
Whether you journal, think during a walk, reflect in the car, or savor a quiet moment before bed, this wrap-up invites you to pause and celebrate the progress you may not even realize you’ve made.
Because you’re not the same caregiver you were eight episodes ago.
You’re stronger.
You’re wiser.
You’re more aware of your needs and your worth.
And you deserve to move into the next season of caregiving feeling supported, grounded, and full of hope.
We’ll take a short break — then I’ll see you in 2026 for Season 2: Caregiving Your Way — all about routines, rhythms, and boundaries that fit your life, your energy, and your heart.
Take a deep breath, friend.
Look at how far you’ve come.
And remember — your cup deserves to stay full too. 💛☕
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If you’ve ever said “I’m fine” while your heart was quietly breaking… this episode is for you.
Caregivers are experts at showing up for everyone else, but when it comes to identifying our own needs — let alone asking for help — it can feel impossible.
Maybe you’ve ignored your body’s whispers for too long.
Maybe guilt and shame tell you to keep pushing.
Maybe you don’t even remember what you need anymore.
In this episode, we slow everything down and walk through a gentle, guided self-inventory so you can finally hear yourself again. We look at your physical, emotional, mental, and soul needs, and help you name what’s been buried under the weight of caregiving.
You’ll learn:
💛 why it feels so hard to ask for help — and why it’s not your fault
💛 how to identify what you truly need (not what you “should” need)
💛 simple, doable ways to ask for support without guilt or apology
💛 how to shift the fear stories that tell you you’re “too much” or “a burden”
💛 what to do when someone says, “Let me know if you need anything”
💛 the truth: your needs don’t make you selfish — they make you human
This episode is your reminder that:
✨ You’re allowed to have needs.
✨ You’re allowed to ask for help.
✨ You deserve support just as much as you give it.
Take a breath, grab your journal (or just your earbuds), and let’s walk through this together.
Because caring for yourself isn’t extra — it’s essential to keeping your cup full.
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If you’ve ever ended your day thinking, “I should’ve done more,” this episode is for you, friend. 💛
In Season 1, Episode 7 of What’s In Your Cup?, we’re diving into the emotional drainers that quietly empty your cup — guilt, shame, and the constant pressure to be “enough.”
Together, we’ll explore:
✨ The three types of caregiver guilt
✨ Why cultural, family, and personal expectations shape the way we show up
✨ How guilt turns into shame — and how to stop that spiral
✨ Real stories from Cathy’s caregiving journey
✨ Practical tools to release the pressure and refill your cup with grace
This isn’t about calling yourself out — it’s about calling yourself in.
Because you are doing the best you can with what you have.
And you deserve to feel enough, exactly as you are.
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This bonus episode is a little different… and a whole lot special.
Inside, we’re diving into three powerful pieces of the caregiving experience:
💌 1. Listener Stories That Will Make You Feel Seen
From practical self-care wins… to reimagining overwhelming roles… to color-coding calendars and using systems that save your sanity — you’ll hear real messages from caregivers just like you.
Their honesty, their wisdom, their struggles, and their victories remind us that none of us are doing this alone.
💛 2. A Personal Update from My Own Caregiving Season
I open up about Denis’ recent inpatient stay, his GI GVHD diagnosis, the advocacy challenges we faced, the guilt of coming home at night instead of staying at the hospital… and the surprising moments that helped me refill my cup in the middle of it all — like handing out Halloween candy and simply allowing myself to be Cathy again for an hour.
☕ 3. A Pep Talk for the “I Have No Choice” Moments
You know the ones:
Medication schedules. Wound care. Meals. All the tasks you can’t delegate or delete.
In this episode, I walk you through something every caregiver needs to hear:
Even when you can’t change the responsibility… you can change how you carry it.
Small systems, tiny efficiencies, real help from your people — these aren’t chores.
They’re lifelines that protect your energy and help you breathe again.
You’ll hear stories about bubble packs, care binders, alarms, delivery services… and the power of saying “yes” when people offer to help.
And because this episode airs during Thanksgiving week, we’ll also talk about the quiet moments of gratitude that hold us together — even in the hardest seasons.
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Your body whispers before it screams — but as caregivers, we often ignore those whispers until it’s too late. In this heartfelt episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, Cathy VandenHeuvel shares personal stories and powerful insights on how to recognize the physical and emotional signals of caregiver burnout. From brain fog and fatigue to irritability and forgetfulness, these clues aren’t failures — they’re your body’s way of saying, “slow down.”
You’ll learn simple ways to check in with yourself daily, find small moments of rest, and listen to your body’s needs without guilt. Because when you honor your body, you protect your health, your joy, and your ability to show up for those you love. 💛☕
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Are you wearing so many hats that you’ve forgotten which one fits? In this heartfelt episode, Cathy shares an honest look at what happens when caregivers juggle too many roles — and how to reshape them without guilt. From hospital laundry rooms to heartfelt lessons about boundaries, you’ll learn how to identify what’s draining your energy, what truly matters, and how to create a caregiving rhythm that feels sustainable (not superhuman).
🎧 Tune in for real talk, reflection, and hope — because you don’t have to do it all to be doing it well.
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Your cup isn’t empty—it’s just leaking. 💛
In this short 5-minute pep talk, Cathy shares a personal story about her famous pink Yeti cup (yes, the one that keeps disappearing and always finds its way back!) and how it became the perfect reminder for caregivers: sometimes, our energy doesn’t run out—it simply leaks away.
Tune in for a quick burst of encouragement to help you spot where your energy might be slipping and take one small step this week to refill your cup. Because you can’t pour from an empty cup—and you shouldn’t have to. ☕️
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Are you tired of hearing “just take care of yourself” and wondering what that even means as a caregiver? In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we’re busting the myth that self-care is all about bubble baths and spa days—and redefining what it really looks like for you.
After eight years of caregiving, I’ve learned the hard way that one-size-fits-all self-care doesn’t work. Real caregiver self-care is practical, personal, and purposeful—and it changes with each season of your journey. I’ll share my own stories of what didn’t work (like manicures that left me still exhausted) and what actually helped me refill my cup (like journaling at Kathy’s House or a slow walk after a long hospital day).
You’ll walk away with a simple framework—the 3 Ps of a Full Cup—to help you create a self-care plan that feels doable, sustainable, and right for you.
💛 Because when you take the time to refill your cup, you show up stronger—for yourself, your loved one, and everyone around you.
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Have you ever felt your energy, patience, and compassion draining away while caring for a loved one? When was the last time you stopped to check what’s left in your own cup?
Welcome to Season 1 of The Caregiver Cup Podcast. This season is all about you—your self-discovery, the many roles you juggle, and your personal health as a caregiver. The statistics are sobering: nearly 41% of caregivers report low overall well-being, and only 23% say their mental health is good. Behind those numbers are real people—like you and me—trying to care for others while holding onto ourselves.
In today’s episode, I’m sharing my own story of walking through my husband’s bone marrow transplant and what it taught me about my “cup.” After 57 days away from home navigating hospital stays and medical crises, my cup was bone dry. Rebuilding wasn’t instant—it felt like climbing a steep hill when I had no energy left. But it reminded me of something powerful: when we learn to pause and honestly check our cup, we give ourselves the chance to rebound, recharge, and find joy again.
This isn’t about perfect caregiving. It’s about finding your rhythm and your way of refilling, protecting, and strengthening your caregiver cup. Join me every Tuesday through December for Season 1 as we walk this journey together—because when you show up as your best self, you become a stronger caregiver, a better advocate, and a healthier you.
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Ready for a fresh start? After more than 260 episodes and navigating through some deeply personal caregiving seasons, I've taken a much-needed pause to reimagine what this podcast can be for you. Now I'm back with renewed energy and a powerful focus: your wellbeing as a caregiver.
Season One, "What's in Your Cup," is entirely about you—your health, identity, energy, and emotional wellbeing. Because here's the truth that often gets overlooked: caregiving is not just about what you give; it's about how you refill, protect, and care for your own cup. As Emma Hemming Willis wisely notes in her book "The Unexpected Journey, "Caregiving asks everything of us, yet somehow we must find ways to keep something for ourselves." When nearly 60% of caregivers report their health worsening due to caregiving responsibilities, this conversation isn't just important—it's essential.
Every Tuesday from October 7th through December 8th, 2025, you'll receive six core episodes filled with real talk, self-discovery tools, and practical strategies, plus bonus content including mini pep talks and journaling prompts between episodes. We'll kick off with "Refilled and Reimagined: What's in Your Cup Today," setting the foundation for your journey back to yourself. Whether you're new here or have been listening since day one, this season is your invitation to pause, breathe, and reconnect with what makes you whole. Because when you show up as your best self, you become a stronger caregiver, advocate, and healthier human being. Mark your calendar, grab your favorite drink, and let's rediscover what belongs in your cup—together.
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Cathy shares a personal update about her absence from the podcast as she takes time to heal and find stillness after eight years of non-stop caregiving, including Denis's recent stem cell transplant recovery. She explains her decision to pause – not quit – the podcast to reconnect with her body, rediscover joy, and learn what it means to simply be rather than constantly do.
• Operating at high speed for almost eight years through caregiving, loss, podcasting, and creating
• Realized she had forgotten what stillness felt like and couldn't sit still or pause
• Gave herself permission in mid-June to just be – no schedule, pressure, or podcast deadlines
• Currently in a healing season trying to figure out what joy and energy feel like in her body again
• Denis is okay, Cathy is okay, and she will return when the time is right
• Misses the podcast community and interactions with listeners
• Encouragement for others who may be in seasons of stillness, burnout, or discovery
Thank you for being in this with me. You are part of what makes this community feel like home, so take care, take good care of yourself, and I'll talk to you real soon.
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Stepping into a hospital house is entering a world most caregivers never know exists until they're suddenly immersed in it. After 45+ days living at Kathy's House while my husband undergoes stem cell transplant treatment, I've discovered the raw, complex reality of caregiving away from home—and the unexpected community that forms in these spaces of collective vulnerability.
Between the shared kitchens where caregivers exchange whispered stories over coffee, the laundry rooms where tears and laughter flow equally, and the quiet corners where we all seek momentary solitude, these medical housing communities become more than just places to sleep near the hospital. They become lifelines of support when everything familiar has been stripped away.
The daily rhythm at Kathy's House constantly shifts between early morning hospital visits, meal preparation in communal spaces, finding moments for essential self-care, and navigating the practical logistics of living in an unfamiliar city. From discovering the safest grocery stores to handling car maintenance between appointments, caregiving doesn't pause for real-world responsibilities. Through it all, fellow caregivers become unexpected sources of strength—offering to wash your dishes when you're exhausted or simply sharing knowing glances across the dining room during community meals.
What I've learned most profoundly is how caregiving transforms across different settings. Hospital caregiving focuses on advocacy and emotional support, while hospital house caregiving blends direct care with creating normalcy in an abnormal situation. The weight of homesickness—missing my garden, my pets, my own bed—is balanced by the deep connections formed with others walking similar paths. Through bringing small comforts from home, establishing new routines, and embracing micro-connections with fellow caregivers, I've discovered you can create a sense of belonging even in the midst of medical uncertainty.
If you've experienced hospital house living or extended caregiving away from home, I'd love to hear your story. What small comforts did you bring to create a sense of home? How did you maintain your own well-being while supporting someone else's healing? Send me a text—because sharing these hidden caregiving journeys reminds us all that even in our most isolating moments, we're never truly alone.
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Have you ever found yourself in the chaos of caregiving thinking, "I can't do this anymore"? That feeling of wanting to give up is universal among caregivers, especially during prolonged challenges and setbacks.
When I hit emotional walls during Denis' stem cell transplant journey, I discovered a powerful truth: our feelings, while real, aren't always factual. We might feel like everything is falling apart, but distinguishing between emotional reactions and objective reality can be our anchor in stormy times. I've developed a simple practice called "the what, the why, and the check-in" to navigate overwhelming moments. First, I acknowledge what I'm feeling without judgment. Then I examine the facts of the situation, separating what I know for certain from what my fears are projecting. Finally, I identify one small action I can take today to move forward - whether that's talking to a doctor, taking a reflective walk, or practicing gratitude.
Think of yourself as either a sailor holding onto your compass during a storm or a farmer tending your field regardless of weather conditions. Your caregiving journey requires attention and care every day, not because it's easy but because it matters. Your "storm plan" might look different from your regular routine, but maintaining some structure helps you stay grounded when everything feels chaotic. Ask yourself: Where have your feelings been steering you lately? When have you felt tempted to abandon your plan? What does holding onto your focus during difficult times look like for you?
You're stronger than you feel in your hardest moments. You don't need to feel strong to be strong - you just need to keep going one step, one breath, one moment at a time. Bookmark this episode for those days when giving up seems like the only option. Remember, we're not alone in this journey. Together, we can show up as our best selves, even through the storms.
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Fear, worry, and uncertainty often feel like unwelcome yet permanent companions on the caregiving journey. After receiving a heartfelt message from a listener worried about her husband's upcoming bone marrow transplant, I knew this topic needed addressing – not just for her, but for all of us navigating these turbulent emotional waters.
These powerful emotions aren't signs of weakness or failure. They're natural human responses that actually demonstrate how deeply you care for your loved one. The fear of medical unknowns, the worry about what recovery might look like, and the overwhelming sense that no one truly understands what you're going through – these universal caregiver experiences deserve acknowledgment and compassionate attention.
Drawing from my own experiences with my husband Denis's ongoing stem cell transplant journey, I share how quickly the mind can spiral from a minor medical hiccup to worst-case scenarios. This mental pattern isn't unusual; it's your brain's misguided attempt to protect you. The key isn't eliminating these emotions (impossible!) but learning to work with them through practical techniques like mindfulness exercises, creating small pockets of routine, focusing on what you can control, journaling to externalize racing thoughts, and practicing radical self-compassion.
Perhaps most critically, no caregiver should shoulder this emotional burden alone. Whether it's family members taking shifts with your loved one, friends handling practical matters at home, or connecting with fellow caregivers who truly understand your experience, building your support network isn't optional – it's essential. I've learned to be specific about what support looks like for me: not problem-solving but simply listening and asking thoughtful questions.
Remember this: you're making a profound difference every single day, even when you don't feel particularly strong or capable. Your presence matters immensely to your loved one. Take each day one step at a time, fill your own cup when possible, and know that your fear doesn't diminish your strength – it simply reveals the depth of your love.
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Ever reached that breaking point where your body simply won't let you power through anymore? That's exactly where I found myself this week as my husband Dennis faced serious complications following his stem cell transplant for cancer.
This raw mini-episode takes you through the emotional rollercoaster we experienced—from the joyful bell-ringing ceremony marking Dennis's hospital discharge to the crushing setbacks that followed just hours later. You'll hear about the gut-wrenching moment when I had to choose between being at my granddaughter's graduation and staying with my struggling spouse, and the Sunday when everything came crashing down around me. I share openly about hitting my lowest point as a caregiver, when terrifying thoughts spiraled and I felt completely paralyzed by fear and exhaustion.
The journey through caregiving rarely follows a straight line, and sometimes hope appears just when you need it most. I reveal the turning point that helped me finally exhale, and why my body's stress response is still on high alert days later. For anyone juggling medications, appointments, and the emotional weight of caring for a loved one through serious illness, this episode offers validation and a powerful reminder: your nervous system needs rest too.
When was the last time you gave yourself permission to not be okay? To step off the hamster wheel, even for five minutes? Remember, filling your cup isn't selfish—it's essential. Join our community of caregivers who understand that we're all in this together, one breath, one step, one mindful moment at a time. Subscribe now and know you're never alone on this journey.
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What happens when your support just isn't helping? When encouragement falls flat? When your loved one withdraws completely? These are the unspoken challenges of caregiving that leave us feeling helpless and questioning our effectiveness.
Drawing from my current experience supporting my husband through his transplant journey, I share the raw reality of watching him struggle with severe physical pain and emotional withdrawal. Despite my best efforts to lift his spirits, there were moments when nothing seemed to help. But through this experience, I discovered something profound about emotional caregiving that's rarely discussed.
Sometimes, the most powerful support isn't about motivating or finding silver linings – it's about presence. Your loved one may be carrying physical pain, grief for their former capabilities, fear, and overwhelming uncertainty. In these moments, they don't need cheerleading; they need someone willing to sit beside them in that darkness without trying to fix it. Your quiet presence says, "I see you, and you're not alone," which can be more meaningful than any pep talk.
For caregivers accustomed to problem-solving, this shift from performance-based to presence-based support can be challenging. We often measure our effectiveness by visible results – a smile, gratitude, improvement. When those indicators are absent, we conclude we're failing. But here's the truth: You are not failing. You're facing a hard reality and still showing up.
Equally important is setting boundaries without guilt. I've learned to establish a rhythm that honors both my husband's needs and my own wellbeing – being present during key medical interactions while also taking necessary breaks to recharge. These boundaries aren't selfish; they're essential for maintaining emotional capacity to provide quality support for the long haul.
What emotional boundary could you establish this week to protect your energy? Whether it's a daily break, asking for help, or simply saying "not right now," honor that boundary as a gift to yourself and your loved one. Remember: Rest is not quitting. Boundaries aren't walls that shut people out; they're bridges that help sustain the care we offer.
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Emotional support isn't just something we provide as caregivers—it's often the most exhausting yet invisible part of our role. When our loved ones are in pain, frustrated, or losing hope, we become their cheerleaders, their comforters, and their gentle push to keep going, sometimes when we barely have enough emotional energy for ourselves.
This episode explores what emotional support truly looks like in caregiving relationships and how to provide it in ways that are sustainable for both you and your loved one. Drawing from my current experience supporting my husband Denis through his stem cell transplant at Froedtert Hospital, I share honest reflections on what it means to hold someone's hope while managing your own emotional wellbeing.
We unpack the many unseen roles caregivers juggle—from medical assistant to financial administrator—with special focus on being an "emotional motivator." You'll discover practical approaches for offering compassionate support without trying to fix everything, creating micro-moments of motivation when big celebrations aren't possible, and establishing simple routines that anchor both of you during chaotic times.
Most importantly, this episode gives you permission to acknowledge how exhausting emotional labor can be, even when you're "just sitting there" beside your loved one. Learn strategies for checking in with your emotional tank, protecting your energy, and showing up with genuine presence rather than forced cheerfulness.
This is part one of a two-part series on emotional support in caregiving. Next week, we'll tackle the harder questions: what to do when your loved one doesn't want motivation, how to set healthy emotional boundaries, and when to call in reinforcements for yourself.
What's one way you can offer emotional support to your loved one this week without draining your own energy? I'd love to hear your thoughts—text me and share your experience!
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Caregiving seasons constantly shift, and finding your rhythm during these transitions can make all the difference between barely surviving and maintaining your wellbeing. This episode explores how creating meaningful routines becomes your anchor when everything else feels unpredictable.
Cathy opens up about her current reality as her husband Denis undergoes a stem cell transplant, sharing how she's had to completely reimagine her daily schedule. From juggling hospital visits to maintaining her own health, she walks through the practical challenges of adapting to a new caregiving landscape. Her vulnerability about feeling emotionally overwhelmed while trying to establish normalcy offers a relatable perspective for caregivers in similar situations.
The heart of this episode focuses on the five key benefits of establishing routines: creating structure amid uncertainty, reducing decision fatigue, carving out essential space for self-care, supporting physical health, and providing emotional comfort during unfamiliar circumstances. Rather than prescribing a rigid schedule, Cathy offers a framework for building personalized "anchor points" throughout your day—morning activities to start positively, midday resets, and evening wind-downs that honor your current capacity.
What makes this guidance particularly valuable is its adaptability. Whether you're in a manageable season with some breathing room or completely maxed out, there are practical suggestions for incorporating small moments of self-care without adding more to your plate. From listening to calming music while washing dishes to creating "pause cards" with encouraging mantras, these accessible practices can be woven into existing activities.
Ready to reclaim even five minutes of your day for yourself? This episode might just show you how those few minutes could become your most powerful tool for sustainable caregiving. Share what season you're in and what routine is helping you stay grounded—your experience might be exactly what another caregiver needs to hear.
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Have you ever felt completely lost in a hospital, frantically searching for your loved one while juggling bags, security badges, and your own mounting anxiety? In this raw and surprisingly humorous episode, I take you through my first chaotic days at Froedtert Hospital in Milwaukee, where what should have been a straightforward procedure for my husband Dennis turned into a maze-like adventure of miscommunication, construction detours, and badge readers that simply wouldn't cooperate.
The healthcare system does an admirable job caring for patients, but as caregivers, we're often left navigating the periphery with minimal guidance. From wandering parking garages in search of elusive elevators to sweating through my clothes from stress (yes, I literally could have wrung out my bra in the bathroom!), these experiences highlight a universal truth about caregiving: no matter how prepared you think you are, chaos finds a way.
What saves us in these moments? Small acts of self-care—taking deep breaths in elevators, feeling the grass under our hands when overwhelm strikes, finding humor in absurdity, and connecting with fellow blue-lanyard-wearing caregivers who get it without explanation. These tiny moments of grounding become lifelines when everything feels overwhelming.
Whether you're currently in the caregiving trenches or supporting someone who is, this episode offers both practical wisdom and emotional solidarity. Remember: caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. You don't have to have it all figured out, and it's okay when things get messy. The strength is in showing up anyway—for your loved one and for yourself.
Share your most chaotic caregiving story with me! Text the number in the show notes. Your experiences matter, and in sharing them, we remind each other that while this journey is challenging, we're never truly alone in navigating it.
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When elephants sense danger, they form a protective circle with the most vulnerable in the center—a powerful metaphor for how caregivers need their own support systems. Drawing inspiration from this natural phenomenon, I explore the emotional barriers that prevent us from building our own protective circles while sharing my personal journey preparing for my husband Dennis's upcoming 90-day stem cell transplant.
For many caregivers, especially those with achievement-oriented personalities, asking for help feels like failure. I've spent decades being the perfectionist who folds towels just so, organizes the dishwasher according to precise systems, and insists on cutting the lawn a specific way. These control tendencies create barriers to accepting the support we desperately need. Whether it's guilt over "burdening" others, perfectionism that whispers "no one can do it as well as you," or fear of losing control, these emotions ultimately harm both the caregiver and their loved one.
Your inner circle serves multiple critical purposes—providing emotional support from people who truly understand your situation, protecting your energy for the caregiving marathon, and keeping you grounded in joy and perspective beyond your caregiving role. Building this network requires intentional steps: mapping out specific support roles, starting with small requests, mixing personal encouragement with practical assistance, scheduling regular check-ins, and celebrating wins together.
Throughout this episode, I share practical strategies from my own experience—creating a private Facebook group for coordinated support, preparing for hospital celebrations from afar, and learning to express gratitude without guilt. The question isn't whether you need help, but rather: what small thing could you ask your inner circle to do for you this week, and who will you reach out to first? Remember, opening up isn't weakness; it's an act of courage and self-love that transforms caregiving from a lonely burden into a connected journey.
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Ever catch yourself saying "I'm fine" when you're anything but? As caregivers, we often hide behind these white lies, putting on a brave face while secretly exhausted, frustrated, or on the verge of tears. This episode dives deep into the concept of toxic positivity—that harmful tendency to suppress our authentic emotions behind a mask of forced cheerfulness.
Studies show over 75% of people deliberately pretend to be happy when they're not. While it might seem easier to hide behind the facade of happiness, this emotional masking comes at a significant cost. The disconnection from our true emotions can lead to isolation, deeper trauma, and eventually feeling like we've lost ourselves in the caregiving journey.
One listener from Israel shared wisdom that perfectly captures the balanced approach we need: "This isn't about pretending everything's okay. It's about honoring your challenges and allowing space for joy to sneak in." This powerful perspective reminds us that acknowledging our struggles doesn't mean wallowing in negativity—it creates space for authentic healing and genuine moments of happiness.
Think of emotional expression as a teeter-totter. On one end is the perpetually negative person who brings everyone down with constant complaints. On the opposite end is the toxically positive person whose eternal sunshine feels inauthentic and dismissive. True emotional health exists in the balanced middle—being honest about challenges while remaining open to joy.
When we share our true feelings with someone, even when they're not positive, we foster intimacy and build deeper connections. These authentic exchanges become gifts we offer each other, creating relationships sturdy enough to weather the hardest caregiving seasons. As you go through your week, challenge yourself: What feeling have you been hiding behind "I'm fine," and who will you share it with? Are you living just to make it through, or are you living to make it count?
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Grace might seem like a lofty concept, but for caregivers, it's the lifeline we desperately need when drowning in overwhelming responsibilities, emotional turmoil, and crushing self-expectations.
Drawing wisdom from Jamie Kern Lima's book "Worthy," this episode explores how caregivers can transform their relationship with mistakes, imperfections, and regrets. That argument with your loved one where you said something hurtful? The stress-induced cookie binge? Those moments of isolation when depression takes hold? These aren't just failures to beat yourself up about – they're potential turning points in your caregiving journey.
"We are our mess or we can become our message," Robin Roberts wisely notes. This perspective shift allows us to see our struggles not as evidence of inadequacy but as the very experiences building our strength and resilience. The episode dives deep into how our setbacks often become setups for what we're meant to do next in life. The challenges that seem unfair or senseless today might be preparing us for something we cannot yet see.
The reality is stark: no caregiver can do it all perfectly. When we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we miss the grace already present in our lives. Through vulnerable personal reflections about body image struggles and weight gain during her caregiving journey, Kathy illustrates how self-compassion creates space for healing even amid ongoing challenges.
Want a practical way to invite more grace into your life? Place a sticky note with the word "grace" somewhere visible or set it as your phone's lock screen. This simple reminder can interrupt self-criticism when it arises. Consider journaling moments when you notice grace or practice forgiving yourself. Because the more you acknowledge grace, the more it appears – surrounding you, going before you, standing beside you, and lifting you when you fall.
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Have you ever felt your body physically react to stress before your mind could even process what was happening? That moment when your skin flushes hot, your heart races, and your shoulders tighten into knots—all while your thoughts spin "like a blender on high"?
When an unexpected hospital notification arrived detailing fifteen pre-transplant appointments for my husband Denis across multiple locations—followed by a massive binder of medical instructions—my body's stress response kicked into overdrive. Despite years of teaching stress management techniques, I found myself overwhelmed by the physical and emotional weight of what lay ahead.
The striking contrast between my immediate planning mode and Denis's calm "one-step-at-a-time" approach highlighted something crucial about caregiving stress: we all process it differently. Neither approach is wrong, but understanding your personal stress response is the first step toward managing it effectively. When traditional techniques failed me—the walks, the breathing exercises, even meditation—I returned to what works best for me: journaling my fears and speaking honestly with my support network.
This episode unpacks five evidence-based strategies for managing caregiver stress, from understanding the science behind your body's stress signals to finding your unique outlet for processing emotions. With research showing that nearly 60% of caregivers experience high levels of stress and burnout, recognizing when your body is sending warning signals becomes essential to your wellbeing. Whether you're facing a major medical event like we are or navigating the daily challenges of caregiving, these practical tools can help you transform overwhelming moments into manageable steps.
Text me your thoughts or join my email community through the show notes. Together, we can navigate even the most difficult caregiving seasons with greater resilience and self-compassion.
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Caregiving often leads to profound isolation, a reality I experienced firsthand during my husband Dennis's first stem cell transplant. With his second transplant approaching, I'm determined to transform potential loneliness into connection and community.
This episode explores the hidden costs of caregiver isolation, backed by sobering statistics: 61% of family caregivers report feeling lonely, and 40-70% experience depression. Beyond emotional impacts, isolation weakens our immune system and increases risks of chronic illness. Many caregivers lose touch with friends or stop participating in social activities, creating a cycle that becomes increasingly difficult to break.
During Dennis's first transplant, I retreated into my introvert tendencies, using COVID protocols as an excuse to avoid meaningful interactions at our temporary housing facility. Though surrounded by people, I felt profoundly alone. The result? Oversleeping, emotional eating, increased anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness that only deepened my isolation.
Through personal reflection and support from accountability partners, I discovered that breaking free from isolation begins with small steps: brief conversations with staff, scheduled FaceTime calls with friends, and gradually expanding my comfort zone. For caregivers feeling isolated now, I offer practical suggestions from texting a friend "I miss you" to joining online support groups or community activities.
As I prepare for Dennis's upcoming stem cell transplant, I'm approaching it with a new mindset: connection is my lifeline. I'll participate in communal dinners, engage with other caregivers, and maintain regular contact with my support network.
Where do you fall on the loneliness scale from 1-5? Text me your number and one step you'll take to fill your social cup. Remember, while change might start with a tiny step, it can lead to transformative joy in even the hardest caregiving seasons.
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Caregiving transforms us in ways we rarely anticipate. The journey from those first overwhelming days to developing confidence and systems is filled with valuable lessons—if we take time to recognize them.
Have you ever stopped to consider everything you've learned since becoming a caregiver? From mastering nursing skills without formal training to becoming an amateur pharmacist juggling complex medication schedules, the growth is remarkable. This episode explores that learning curve through my recent experience helping my husband navigate a new cancer treatment regimen.
When faced with multiple new medications—each with specific timing requirements, food interactions, and dosing schedules—the potential for confusion is enormous. After watching my mother accidentally overdose on medications because she couldn't track what she'd taken, I knew we needed a system. What emerged was a personalized approach combining visual medication mapping with digital reminders that respected my husband's need to understand what he was taking and why.
The episode also tackles the delicate balance of providing care while preserving your own wellbeing. Taking a few hours for myself during my husband's treatment wasn't abandonment—it was necessary self-preservation that allowed me to return refreshed and better able to support him. These small adjustments can make an enormous difference in sustaining your caregiving journey.
Whether you're new to caregiving or have been at it for years, this episode offers permission to acknowledge your growth, celebrate your adaptability, and continue asking questions when you need help. Remember, when you prioritize filling your own cup, you can show up as your best self for your loved one. What has your caregiving journey taught you about yourself?
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What happens when caregiving becomes too much? The tragic story of Gene Hackman and wife, Betsy serves as a powerful wake-up call for all of us who care for loved ones. Caregiving often appears as an act of pure love and dedication, but behind closed doors, many caregivers struggle with exhaustion, isolation, and overwhelming responsibility that can lead to crisis.
This deeply personal episode explores the hidden emotional toll of caregiving and provides a framework for recognizing when you're approaching your breaking point. Through candid conversation and thoughtful questions, Cathy guides you through an emotional check-in process: How are you really feeling? Are you constantly exhausted? When was the last time you experienced joy? These simple yet profound questions can help identify burnout before it consumes you.
The episode doesn't just highlight problems—it offers practical solutions for building support systems before reaching crisis. From creative ways to enlist help from neighbors and friends to exploring professional resources like respite care, Cathy shares strategies that have worked in her own challenging caregiving journey. She emphasizes that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness but rather an essential survival skill for sustainable caregiving.
Whether you're caring for a spouse with a chronic illness, an aging parent, or a child with special needs, this conversation will help you recognize when "doing it all" becomes dangerous. More importantly, it reminds you that you deserve support and care too. If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't keep it inside—there are people who can and want to help. And if you know a caregiver, check in with them, offer specific assistance, and be part of their essential support network. Your small gesture might be exactly what they need to keep their cup from emptying completely.
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Caregiving is an endlessly demanding role, often leading to burnout and stress. Yet, amidst these challenges, there's a transformative practice that can change everything—the 10-10 method. This episode introduces caregivers to the concept of dedicating just 10% of their mornings and evenings to self-care. By carving out these small blocks of time, caregivers can recharge, reflect, and prepare for the day ahead.
As we explore personal stories and community feedback, we highlight how incorporating simple self-care strategies can positively affect not only your well-being, but also the quality of care you provide. The 10-10 method is customizable—emphasizing the importance of adapting the practice to fit individual needs and lifestyles. We encourage caregivers to engage with one another, share their experiences, and ultimately reclaim their energy and joy in caregiving.
Join us as we unpack the powerful takeaways of the 10-10 method, offering insights and practical tips to empower caregivers to thrive rather than merely survive. Don't forget to subscribe and share your thoughts with us—how will you make your 10 minutes count?
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After years of caregiving on high drive, I finally took a break—and it was harder than I expected. Slowing down felt foreign, and for the first time, I realized how much I had been running on stress and urgency. In this episode, I’m sharing my personal journey of stepping back, finding clarity, and learning to balance my well-being with caregiving.
Can you take a break without feeling guilty? Can you live a day without being "on edge"? Let’s talk about the importance of true respite time—why it’s essential, how it brings clarity, and how you can integrate small, meaningful changes to prioritize both your loved one and yourself.
Plus, I’m back with a fresh perspective on the podcast, my business, and what’s next for this incredible community. Tune in for an honest conversation about resetting, realigning, and embracing a new rhythm in caregiving. 💛
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In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain and sharing some personal updates on Denis’ treatment journey—including the challenges, frustrations, and lessons learned along the way. From navigating the maze of health insurance approvals to advocating for timely care, I’m diving into the reality of what it takes to ensure our loved ones get the treatment they need. If you’ve ever felt stuck in red tape or frustrated by delays, this episode is for you. Tune in for real talk, advocacy insights, and a reminder that persistence is our greatest tool as caregivers. 💛
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In this deeply personal episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, I share a heartfelt announcement about pausing the podcast and my services to focus on what matters most—caring for my beloved spouse, Denis, as he battles aggressive cancer. Inspired by Hoda Kotb’s Where We Belong, I reflect on the challenges and emotional journey of caregiving, the importance of self-care, and setting healthy boundaries. Join me as I open up about the tough decisions and soul searching that led to this pause, and offer a message of hope and encouragement to fellow caregivers navigating their own paths. Thank you for your unwavering support and understanding during this time. 💛
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We’ve all heard the saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But what if the lemons never stop falling? In this episode, we tackle the relentless challenges of caregiving—constant medical appointments, emotional strain, and the physical toll of caregiving. Drawing from personal stories and insights, we’ll share how to build resilience and find small moments of joy, even in the face of uncertainty and exhaustion.
You’ll learn Practical Steps to Navigate THIS SEASON, including:
- Recognizing when you’re overwhelmed and finding ways to recharge.
- Leaning into mindfulness practices to center your thoughts.
- Adjusting and refining coping strategies that may need updating.
- Finding small, meaningful moments of joy each day.
- Establishing a support system to help lighten your load.
Caregiving may be relentless, but by building resilience and focusing on what you can control, you can find strength to keep going—and even rediscover happiness along the way.
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Ever felt like a cluttered closet could throw off your entire day? I certainly have, and in this episode, I share my journey from chaos to clarity by tackling the messes in my life—starting with that very closet. We explore how disorganization can stir up stress and guilt, especially for those of us juggling caregiving, work, and household responsibilities. By sharing personal insights, I aim to shed light on how a bit of tidying up can transform not just our spaces, but also our emotional landscape.
Caregivers, this one's for you. We dive deep into the emotional whirlwind that comes with managing multiple roles without a plan. From my own experiences, I discuss practical strategies to keep everything in check, from decluttering to setting daily routines. It’s all about finding simple yet effective ways to bring order to your life, enabling you to focus on what matters most—providing compassionate care without losing sight of your own well-being. The goal is to empower you with tools to reduce stress and enhance satisfaction in your caregiving journey.
Technology and self-care take the spotlight as we wrap up the episode. Managing medications and appointments becomes a breeze with digital tools, while self-care routines act as a much-needed balm for the soul. I discuss how technology can streamline caregiving tasks, and why taking time for yourself is not just a luxury, but a necessity. Together, we explore how embracing organization and self-care can lead to personal growth and a more balanced, fulfilling life. Tune in to learn how you can incorporate these insights into your daily routine, making each day a little brighter and more manageable.
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Understanding the importance of self-reflection is crucial for caregivers navigating their responsibilities. In this episode, we discuss six essential questions that can help caregivers prioritize self-care, manage stress, and create effective contingency plans while fostering gratitude.
• The necessity of prioritizing self-care for overall well-being
• Being realistic about what responsibilities one can manage effectively
• Understanding underlying challenges and addressing them
• Finding effective strategies for stress management
• Importance of having a backup plan for caregiving situations
• Practicing gratitude as a powerful tool to stay grounded
Your feedback not only helps but also inspires others who are navigating this same journey. Get all the questions in this week's blog.
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This episode focuses on the reflections and resolutions caregivers can embrace as they transition into the New Year. The host shares personal experiences, practical strategies, and the importance of self-care to cultivate energy and resilience moving into 2025.
• Reflecting on personal experiences during the New Year as a caregiver
• Creating new traditions and finding contentment in quiet moments
• Recognizing personal victories and challenges in caregiving
• Utilizing journaling as a tool for reflection and self-discovery
• The significance of self-care in nourishing the caregiver's spirit
• Choosing a focus word for the year to guide intentions
• Developing actionable strategies for maintaining personal energy
• Emphasizing community support among caregivers
Prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and lean on your support systems. Reflect on your victories, no matter how small, and acknowledge the challenges you've overcome.
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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, the caregivers were stirring, with duties to rouse. Join me, Cathy, on this heartwarming Christmas Eve edition of the Caregiver Cup Podcast as we celebrate the unsung heroes who give their all every day. Through a heartfelt twist on the classic "Twas the Night Before Christmas," I pay tribute to your spirit, dedication, and the warmth you bring to the world. Whether you’re sipping cocoa by the fire or stealing a quiet moment amidst the holiday hustle, remember to take a little time for yourself, because you deserve it.
As we reflect on the past year and look forward to 2025, I’m filled with hope and excitement for what's to come. Whether or not your loved ones show their appreciation, please know that you are deeply valued. The Caregiver Cup Podcast will continue to support you, tackling the challenges we face together in new episodes starting January. So, stay warm, stay joyful, and relish in the special bond we share. From my heart to yours, have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a joyful New Year. Until next week, dear friend, cherish the joy and love you bring to others.
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The holiday season is a time of joy and celebration, but for caregivers, it can also bring added stress, exhaustion, and feelings of isolation. In this heartwarming episode, we unveil "Festive Self-Care for Caregivers: 12 Tips to Thrive This Holiday Season." Designed specifically for those who tirelessly support their loved ones, this episode offers practical, festive, and easy-to-implement self-care strategies to help you navigate the holidays with grace and joy.
Join us as we count down 12 essential self-care tips inspired by the beloved "12 Days of Christmas," each tailored to uplift your spirit and replenish your energy. From creating peaceful moments by the Christmas tree to indulging in well-deserved treats, our tips are crafted to fit seamlessly into your busy caregiving routine. Discover how simple practices like mindful breathing, connecting with loved ones in meaningful ways, and gifting yourself special moments of relaxation can transform your holiday experience, making it not only manageable but truly enjoyable.
Whether you’re seeking ways to reduce stress, find moments of peace, or simply add a touch of holiday magic to your daily life, this episode is your ultimate guide to thriving as a caregiver this season. Tune in and give yourself the gift of self-care—because you deserve to feel the warmth and joy of the holidays just as much as those you care for. Don’t miss out on these invaluable tips that will help you embrace the festive spirit while maintaining your well-being.
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Navigating the stormy seas of caregiving during chemotherapy can be daunting, especially when unexpected crises arise. Picture this: a routine chemotherapy session quickly spirals into an emergency room visit due to alarming symptoms like a rapid heart rate, fever, and severe headache. This episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast takes you through our whirlwind experience, shedding light on the importance of preparedness and the critical role caregivers play as advocates. Discover the essential steps to efficiently manage emergency situations and ensure your loved one receives the best possible care.
Preparedness is key in high-stakes medical emergencies, and this episode arms you with invaluable tips to stay ahead. Imagine having an organized "grab and go" bag with vital documents or being equipped with both digital and physical copies of your loved one's medical history. These are just some of the strategies we explore to help you tackle emergency room visits and potential hospital admissions with confidence. The episode also delves into the vital advocacy skills required to navigate various medical settings, ensuring that you remain a strong support system for your loved one.
Communication is the lifeline during such trying times, and we delve into practical advice on how to engage effectively with healthcare providers. Learn how to ask the right questions, stay informed, and manage stress through small, sustainable self-care routines. With personal anecdotes of managing hospital care during a snowstorm and insights into maintaining balance amidst chaos, this episode is your guide to becoming a resilient caregiver, ready to take on the complexities of medical emergencies with tenacity and grace.
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How are you feeling this holiday season, caregiver? The holidays can be especially challenging when you’re balancing caregiving duties with festive expectations. In this heartfelt episode, I share my personal journey through eight holiday seasons as a caregiver, highlighting the top five emotions many of us experience: overwhelm, isolation, guilt, grief, and fear.
Discover practical strategies for acknowledging and embracing these feelings, and learn how to create small moments of joy and self-care amidst the chaos. From personal stories of navigating Christmas with loved ones facing illness to actionable tips for managing holiday stress, this episode is your essential guide to finding peace and meaning during the most wonderful time of the year.
Plus, join me on December 10th for a free workshop, “Gifting Yourself Joy, Peace, and Personal Time: Navigating Holiday Stress and Emotional Well-Being,” where we’ll dive deeper into self-care practices and share more supportive strategies tailored for caregivers.
You’re not alone in this journey. Tune in to gain insights, connect with a community of fellow caregivers, and find the support you need to navigate the holiday season with resilience and hope. Whether you're seeking comfort, practical advice, or simply a sense of connection, this episode is here for you.
Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with other caregivers who might benefit. Together, we can transform the holiday experience into a time of healing, connection, and meaningful memories. Let’s make this holiday season a little brighter, one small step at a time.
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What does it truly mean to be a caregiver? Join us in this heartfelt episode as we explore the courageous journey of Danielle, who shares her personal story of leaving her daycare and culinary career to care for her ailing mother. Danielle opens up about the emotional toll and resilience required to navigate the challenges of managing her mother's stage three ovarian cancer while coping with the grief of losing her caregiving partner, her brother. Her story reveals the profound impact of caregiving, highlighting not only the struggles but also the unexpected companionship she finds in her brother's cats and the solace of early morning meditation.
As we unravel the complexities of caregiving, especially within the Canadian healthcare system, Danielle provides valuable insights into the financial and emotional challenges faced by caregivers, particularly in Ontario. Learn how self-advocacy and practical strategies, such as organizing medical appointments and using digital tools, can help manage the demanding nature of caregiving. We emphasize the critical importance of maintaining personal well-being through self-care, even as caregivers juggle numerous responsibilities, and explore alternative healing practices that can aid in managing stress and anxiety.
Empowerment and personal growth are at the heart of Danielle's narrative, as she reflects on the transformative power of caregiving and the enduring bonds of love it fosters. Her experience underscores the necessity of balancing self-care with caregiving duties, offering a poignant reminder of the strength and resilience caregivers embody. Through Danielle's journey, we invite listeners to connect with their own experiences, find strength in their unique paths, and embrace the profound connections that caregiving can nurture.
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Hello, my friend! Caregiving can feel overwhelming, and finding ways to reflect, release, and recharge is essential to showing up as your best self. In this episode, we’re diving into a practice that has been my personal lifesaver since my caregiving journey began—journaling.
But before you think, “I don’t have time for that,” let me assure you: journaling doesn’t have to be a daunting task or take hours of your day. Whether it’s jotting down a few gratitudes, reflecting on your emotions, or capturing a special memory, there’s a journaling style that fits you.
Join me as I share the transformative benefits of journaling, from reducing stress and boosting gratitude to reconnecting with yourself beyond caregiving. Plus, I’ll give you practical tips for making journaling easy and even enjoyable—whether it’s with pen and paper, on your phone, or even by voice!
By the end of this episode, you’ll see how journaling can become a simple yet powerful tool for self-care, clarity, and joy in your caregiving journey. You’ll also learn why this isn’t one-size-fits-all and how to find a journaling style that works for your unique season of life.
Let’s get started on writing your way to a more positive caregiving experience—one small step at a time.
P.S. Don’t miss the special FREE resource I have for you! Visit cathylvan.com/resources to grab your journaling prompts and tips to kickstart your journey today!
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Exploring Cathie’s Journey, Experiences, and Effective Self-Care Techniques
In this episode, Cathie Gregory shares her heartfelt journey as a caregiver, offering invaluable experiences and self-care strategies that have helped her maintain her well-being while caring for her loved one. Tune in to discover practical tips and inspiring insights that can empower you on your own caregiving path.
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Waiting room fatigue is a struggle many caregivers face but rarely discuss. Imagine sitting in a hospital waiting room for hours, filled with anxiety and anticipation, as your loved one undergoes medical procedures. This episode unpacks how these long waits can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion for caregivers, like me, waiting for Denis during his needle biopsy and chemotherapy port installation. We dive into the emotional tension and lack of control that exacerbate this fatigue and explore how recognizing these feelings is crucial for maintaining our well-being.
Discover practical strategies to alleviate this caregiver fatigue with our engaging discussion on self-care routines and stress management. From deep breathing exercises to mini meditation sessions, I share personal tips that have helped conserve energy and stay present for Denis. Learn how to transform waiting room time into moments of personal growth and creativity, with activities like journaling, knitting, or even listening to enriching audiobooks and podcasts. Combatting fatigue isn't just about self-care—it’s about staying productive and connected, and I provide actionable advice for doing just that.
Don’t miss our roundup of strategies for surviving waiting rooms, including planning relaxation rituals for after appointments and proactive communication with medical staff to manage wait time expectations. You’ll hear about my personal experiments with games and creative outlets, like using dry-erase markers for artistic expression on hospital windows. Plus, look forward to our upcoming interview with Cathie, a fellow caregiver and listener, who will share her experiences and insights on maintaining resilience. Remember, our weekly caregiver newsletter is here to support you with tips, stories, and inspiration to help navigate these challenging times.
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What happens when a devoted caregiver and mother of four decides to pursue a midlife career change into acting? Join us for an engaging conversation with Katie Prentiss, who shares her personal story of caring for her mother with frontotemporal dementia (FTD) while raising her family. Katie opens up about the emotional and practical challenges she faced, the tough decisions she had to make, and the financial strains of long-term care. She offers candid reflections and practical advice for those navigating the complexities of caregiving, emphasizing the importance of presence, touch, and remembering the person beyond the disease.
Katie's journey is not just about struggle, but transformation. After her mother's passing, Katie found healing through acting, culminating in her upcoming film, "Wake Up Maggie." This creative endeavor serves as a tribute to her mother and a heartfelt homage to caregivers everywhere. We delve into the film's narrative, a mix of struggles, joy, and humor, and discuss how this project aims to raise awareness about FTD. Katie's resilience shines through as she shares her gratitude for the opportunity to tell this story and the connections she's made through storytelling and filmmaking.
Throughout the episode, we explore the profound journey of caregiving and the importance of being present during moments of crisis. Katie emphasizes focusing on positive moments amidst the challenges, drawing parallels between caregiving and parenting. We reflect on the shared experiences and the beauty and laughter that can be found in difficult times. To close, Katie invites listeners to follow the progress of "Wake Up Maggie" and offers resources for those affected by FTD, reminding us all to prioritize self-care and connection.
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In this enlightening episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we explore the essential role of advocacy in the caregiving journey. Understanding how to effectively advocate for your loved one can transform both the quality of care they receive and your own well-being as a caregiver. Drawing inspiration from Barbara Corcoran’s heartfelt experience in episode 233, where she emphasized the importance of education after her mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, we dive deep into the four key components of caregiver advocacy.
This week, we focus on education—the foundational pillar of effective advocacy. Learn how educating yourself about your loved one’s condition, mastering caregiving techniques, understanding legal considerations, and recognizing the emotional and environmental needs can empower you to make informed decisions and navigate the healthcare system with confidence. Through personal stories, practical tips, and expert insights, discover how continuous learning and building a supportive care team can prevent common caregiving mistakes and enhance your ability to advocate successfully.
Whether you’re new to caregiving or seeking to strengthen your advocacy skills, this episode offers valuable strategies to help you show up as your best self. Don’t miss out on actionable advice and heartfelt stories that will inspire and support you on your caregiving journey. For a more detailed discussion and additional resources, be sure to visit our blog at www.cathylvan.com/blog/236. Tune in and empower yourself to make a meaningful difference in the lives of those you care for.
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Discover the heartfelt journey of caregiving through the eyes of Dr. Kathryn Betts Adams, affectionately known as Katy, a distinguished gerontological social worker and author of "The Pianist's Only Daughter." As the only daughter in a family of artistic and academic brilliance, Katy shares her deeply personal experiences of supporting aging parents, intertwining her stories with professional insights. Her narrative not only highlights the challenges faced with her father’s musical legacy and her mother’s battle with Parkinson's but also the delicate process of mending family relationships over time.
Explore the emotional and logistical maze of caregiving, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. Katy reveals candid anecdotes about moving her mother to a memory care unit and advocating for her father's mental health needs, offering practical wisdom on navigating senior living arrangements. This episode is a reflection on balancing parental care with personal well-being, emphasizing the importance of humor and shared memories in maintaining connections with loved ones. By sharing her story, Katy provides a roadmap for listeners who are managing similar responsibilities, advocating for the importance of self-care and the courage to seek help.
As we wrap up the conversation, Katy’s experiences underscore the importance of gratitude and support systems in the caregiving journey. Her memoir serves as a beacon of resilience and insight for those walking a similar path, encouraging listeners to cherish their time with loved ones and embrace the support available. We express our heartfelt appreciation to Katy for her invaluable contributions and invite our listeners to subscribe to the Caregiver Cup podcast for a continued exploration of these relevant and touching narratives.
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In this episode, I dive deep into essential mindset strategies tailored specifically for caregivers, drawing from recent insights gained in a transformative mindset training. I explore two powerful techniques—DSD (Do Something Different) and CCC (Catch, Cancel, Correct)—that can help caregivers navigate the emotional and mental challenges of their demanding roles. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck in a rut, or in need of a fresh perspective, these strategies offer practical ways to inject more joy and resilience into your daily caregiving journey.
Through relatable stories and real-life examples, I share how DSD encourages caregivers to break free from monotonous routines by introducing small, meaningful changes, such as trying new activities, altering daily schedules, or reorganizing the home environment. Meanwhile, CCC provides a framework for managing negative thoughts by identifying them, acknowledging their impact, and replacing them with positive alternatives. Building these mindset muscles takes time and consistent practice, but the rewards are invaluable—enhanced well-being, reduced stress, and a more positive outlook on caregiving.
Join me as we share actionable tips and inspiring client scenarios that demonstrate how these mindset practices can transform your caregiving experience. By integrating DSD and CCC into your routine, you can empower yourself to handle challenges with greater ease and find moments of joy amidst the demands of caregiving. Tune in to discover how small shifts in your mindset can lead to significant improvements in your daily life and overall resilience.
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What happens when one of the sharpest minds in business takes on the deeply personal role of a caregiver? Barbara Corcoran, the iconic entrepreneur from Shark Tank, joins us to share her heartfelt journey of caring for her mother, Florence, who battled Alzheimer's Agitation disease. With her characteristic humor and unflinching honesty, Barbara brings a unique perspective to the emotional challenges and rewards of caregiving, offering listeners a blend of practical advice and inspiring insights.
Throughout our conversation, we address the rollercoaster of emotions that caregivers often face, from frustration and guilt to moments of pure joy. Barbara candidly discusses the significance of setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking out resources to provide the best possible care for loved ones. Her personal stories emphasize the importance of empathy, family support, and understanding the emotional landscape of both caregivers and patients. Listeners will find themselves nodding along to Barbara's relatable experiences and invaluable tips.
Barbara also unveils her strategies for balancing a demanding career with the responsibilities of caregiving, showcasing the emotional returns of dedication and consistent care. She fondly recalls the "Sunday fun days" she created for her mother, highlighting the joy and hope these moments brought. Barbara’s advocacy for Alzheimer's Agitation awareness and her commitment to providing resources for those affected underscore her passion for the cause. If you’re looking to learn more or support Barbara’s campaign, be sure to visit RecognizeAlzheimersAgitation.com. It’s a valuable resource for anyone caring for someone with Alzheimer’s dementia and experiencing agitation.
Ready to take your caregiving journey to the next level?
Work with me to create a plan that brings balance and joy back into your life.
Looking for a healthier coffee option? Fabula Coffee is organic, low-acid, and packed with clean ingredients to fuel your day. It’s my go-to coffee every morning, and I love how it’s gentle on my stomach while still delivering a rich, smooth flavor. Whether you're a busy caregiver like me or just need a better coffee solution, Fabula is a must-try!
Head over to fabula.com and enter CAREGIVERCUP at checkout to get
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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
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We’re going to get real—deep into the truth of caregiving. Depending on where you're in your caregiving journey, you may not want to hear this, or this may be exactly what you need. This is real talk, & before we start, I want to say: I get you, I love you, & I wish someone had this hard conversation with me earlier.
Caregiving isn’t a solo mission. If you think you can handle everything on your own, you’re setting yourself up for burnout. I know this because I lived it. I’ll share one of my breaking points—a moment that found me lying in a hospital bed, overwhelmed with stress & anxiety. I was embarrassed, but that wake-up call changed my caregiving approach forever.
We're exploring why so many caregivers feel the need to do it all—whether it’s out of duty, guilt, or fear of judgment. But the truth is, without support, we’re not only doing a disservice to ourselves, but to our loved ones as well.
You’ll learn 3 key areas where caregivers can seek help:
- Building Your Caregiving Team: Delegate tasks & involve others.
- Professional Support: Explore respite care, home care services & other resources.
- Emotional & Mental Health Support: The power of therapy, support groups & caregiver coaching to help you manage the emotional weight of caregiving.
As caregivers, we need to break the myth that asking for help means we’ve failed. Support is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.
And if you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of where to start, I’m here to help. I offer 2 coaching packages designed specifically for caregivers like you:
- Caregiver Breakthrough Session: In this one-hour session, we’ll work together to find clarity & direction in your caregiving life. If you’re drowning in endless demands & struggling to find time for yourself, this session will help you identify one key area to focus on, giving you the clarity you need to move forward.
- Empowerment Caregiver Coaching: This three-month program is a bold step toward prioritizing your well-being & creating a balanced, joyful caregiving life. Through personalized support, we’ll develop a tailored plan to help you thrive as both a caregiver.
You don’t have to do this alone, and you deserve to feel empowered & supported on this journey.
Ready to take your caregiving journey to the next level?
Work with me to create a plan that brings balance and joy back into your life.
Looking for a healthier coffee option? Fabula Coffee is organic, low-acid, and packed with clean ingredients to fuel your day. It’s my go-to coffee every morning, and I love how it’s gentle on my stomach while still delivering a rich, smooth flavor. Whether you're a busy caregiver like me or just need a better coffee solution, Fabula is a must-try!
Head over to fabula.com and enter CAREGIVERCUP at checkout to get
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
In honor of World Gratitude Day, we’re diving into a topic that has the power to transform your caregiving journey—gratitude. When you’re deep in the trenches of caregiving, it’s easy to let the hard moments take over. But what if you could shift your focus to the small wins and positive moments? In this episode, I share how gratitude became my lifeline during some of the toughest years of caregiving. We’ll explore why practicing gratitude is crucial for your mental health, well-being, and overall resilience as a caregiver.
Finding the right gratitude practice can make all the difference. Whether it’s journaling, taking gratitude walks, or simply pausing to reflect on what’s going well, there’s a method that can fit into your routine. We’ll go over a variety of practices, so you can find the one that resonates with you and start incorporating it into your daily life. Because when you focus on gratitude, you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving, even on the most challenging days.
So, grab your coffee and tune in as we explore the power of gratitude for caregivers. By the end of this episode, you’ll have actionable tips to start your own gratitude practice, boost your mood, and bring more light into your caregiving journey.
Ready to take your caregiving journey to the next level?
Work with me to create a plan that brings balance and joy back into your life.
Looking for a healthier coffee option? Fabula Coffee is organic, low-acid, and packed with clean ingredients to fuel your day. It’s my go-to coffee every morning, and I love how it’s gentle on my stomach while still delivering a rich, smooth flavor. Whether you're a busy caregiver like me or just need a better coffee solution, Fabula is a must-try!
Head over to fabula.com and enter CAREGIVERCUP at checkout to get
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
Caregiving is a demanding journey, and it often feels like there’s never enough time for yourself—especially when it comes to getting a good night’s sleep. But what if I told you that establishing a simple nighttime routine could transform how you show up, not just for your loved one, but for yourself?
In this episode, I’m sharing why sleep is the ultimate self-care practice for caregivers and how it impacts your physical, emotional, and mental health. From personal experience, I know how easy it is to lose quality sleep while caregiving. When I started my caregiving journey in 2017, sleepless nights felt like a permanent part of the deal, but I learned that this doesn't have to be the case.
I’ll walk you through the three key steps to creating a nighttime routine that works—reflection, releasing stress, and focusing on sleep. You’ll learn simple techniques like deep breathing, journaling, and setting boundaries with your phone that can make a world of difference. We’ll talk about how starting small can lead to better sleep, more energy, and a healthier, happier caregiving experience.
Are you ready to wake up feeling refreshed, patient, and in control? Tune in to discover how a few small changes to your evening routine can help you find balance, reduce burnout, and make caregiving more manageable.
Join me as we dive into the power of sleep—and why it’s one of the most important gifts you can give yourself as a caregiver. Let’s create a routine that helps you thrive!
Ready to take your caregiving journey to the next level?
Work with me to create a plan that brings balance and joy back into your life.
Looking for a healthier coffee option? Fabula Coffee is organic, low-acid, and packed with clean ingredients to fuel your day. It’s my go-to coffee every morning, and I love how it’s gentle on my stomach while still delivering a rich, smooth flavor. Whether you're a busy caregiver like me or just need a better coffee solution, Fabula is a must-try!
Head over to fabula.com and enter CAREGIVERCUP at checkout to get
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
Can solitude be the key to transforming your caregiving experience? In this heartfelt episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, we explore the profound impact of intentional alone time on preventing burnout and enhancing your caregiving abilities. Hear Cathie's inspiring story of how regular three-day breaks have rejuvenated her spirit, and gain insights from luminaries like Oprah Winfrey and JK Rowling on the crucial difference between solitude and loneliness. Discover how nurturing your soul through solitude isn't just a luxury but a vital necessity for your well-being and effectiveness as a caregiver.
We challenge you to envision your own three-day retreat, drawing inspiration from Shonda Rhimes' commitment to self-care amidst a hectic schedule. Reflect on your personal barriers, set a sacred date for solitude, and learn practical tips for planning and communicating this crucial commitment. By prioritizing your well-being, you can support your loved ones more effectively. Join us as we unpack why self-care is essential and how even small steps towards solitude can lead to significant positive changes in your energy, clarity, and peace. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup—rejuvenate yourself to better care for others.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
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Are you feeling trapped in a cycle of caregiver overwhelm? In this episode, we explore practical strategies to break free from stress and reclaim your well-being. We’ll dive into mindfulness practices, setting realistic goals, and making small but impactful changes in your daily routine.
Ready to take control? Start by understanding the 3 Stages of Caregiver Stress and take the first step toward relief. Need personalized guidance? Schedule a 30-minute coaching chat and let’s create a plan tailored just for you.
Tune in and discover how you can show up as your best self every day!
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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
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In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we're diving deep into the power of starting your day with an intentional morning routine. As caregivers, we often wake up to a day full of responsibilities and challenges, which can leave us feeling overwhelmed before the day even begins. But what if you could transform your mornings—and your entire day—by incorporating a few mindful practices?
We’ll explore how a structured morning routine can provide you with a sense of control, calm, and readiness to face whatever comes your way. From simple tips like drinking a glass of water to setting daily intentions, this episode is packed with actionable advice to help you create a routine that works for you.
Key Takeaways:
- Why Intentionality Matters: Learn how starting your day with intention can set a positive tone for the entire day, helping you manage stress and approach caregiving with a clear mind.
- Morning Routine Ideas: Discover practical ways to build a morning routine that fits your life, even if you only have 5 minutes.
- Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate simple mindfulness exercises like gratitude journaling, visualization, and affirmations to boost your mood and energy levels.
- Energy Management: Find out how to identify your peak energy times and use them to tackle your most demanding tasks.
Resources Mentioned:
- Apps: Calm, Insight Timer
- Website: Dr. Kristin Neff on Self-Compassion
Listener Challenge: I want to hear from you! What are one or two intentions you can set tomorrow morning to make your day better? Hit the text feature and share your intentions with me. Let’s inspire each other to start our days with purpose and positivity.
Don’t Miss Out: If you're not already on my email list, make sure to sign up at cathylvan.com for weekly newsletters filled with tips and inspiration tailored for caregivers like you.
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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
Ever feel like you're juggling multiple roles and struggling to keep up? In this episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, I share my personal journey of balancing a corporate job, running a business, and caregiving for loved ones. By tracking my week, I discovered the immense demands placed on caregivers—akin to working four full-time jobs. Drawing from my experiences in the Empowerful Caregiver School and coaching sessions, we'll explore the crucial role of boundaries in managing these overwhelming responsibilities. Plus, I give a heartfelt thank you to the listeners for their support, especially during my recent battle with COVID.
Dive deep into the significance of setting various types of boundaries—physical, time, energy, and abilities—to protect your well-being and provide the best care possible. We'll discuss practical strategies for establishing self-care boundaries, such as incorporating morning walks, ensuring adequate sleep, and taking personal breaks. Learn how to manage a caregiving schedule that allows for personal time and seek help from others to strike a balanced lifestyle. Listen to Angel from Florida's touching story, which underscores the challenges many face while caring for a loved one at home.
Lastly, we'll emphasize the power of assertive communication in maintaining these boundaries and shifting from self-imposed guilt to a collaborative approach with family members. Explore real-life examples of how hobbies, structured schedules, and assistive technology can enhance personal fulfillment and provide more freedom. By honoring these boundaries and listening to your body, mind, and heart, you can show up as your best self and deliver the care your loved ones deserve. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review—your well-being matters, and together, we can create sustainable caregiving routines.Subscribe to our weekly newsletter.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
How do you maintain your own well-being while caring for others? Join me as we uncover the importance of self-compassion for caregivers, even while I navigate my own journey through the Omicron COVID virus. You'll hear a heartfelt message from a listener grappling with anger and resentment in caregiving, and together, we'll learn how self-compassion can pave the way to greater emotional resilience, stability, and life satisfaction.
Using the analogy of a garden, we explore how integral nurturing our body, mind, and soul is to maintaining our strength and resilience as caregivers. Discover practical tips for self-care, from pausing to acknowledge feelings of overwhelm to tracking thoughts and behaviors to identify stress triggers. We'll also discuss setting small, realistic goals and celebrating every success, no matter how minor, to ensure we don't succumb to burnout.
Lastly, we delve into the importance of finding pockets of time for self-care and connecting with others for support and accountability. Hear the story of Sarah, who managed to incorporate enjoyable activities into her busy day, and learn how practicing gratitude can significantly enhance our mental health. Treat yourself with the same compassion you offer to others, and remember, nurturing yourself is fundamental to showing up with compassion and grace for both yourself and your loved ones.Subscribe to our weekly newsletter.
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- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
What happens when your personal battle with COVID-19 intersects with the demanding role of caregiving? Join me as I share the raw and emotional journey of navigating my husband's recent struggle with the Omicron variant, layered with my own harrowing experience of severe COVID-19 in 2021. From feelings of anger and resentment to moments of guilt and fear, this episode unpacks the complex emotional terrain faced by caregivers during such challenging times. To lighten the atmosphere, listener stories from Pam in Minnesota and Catherine offer heartwarming reminders of how finding joy and connection can provide a much-needed refuge.
Caregiving isn't just a physical task; it's an emotional rollercoaster, especially when dealing with personal health crises and demanding family dynamics. Reflecting on my hospitalization and the stress induced by my mother's narcissistic behaviors, I discuss the internal conflict of balancing personal recovery with caregiving responsibilities. The societal pressures and unrealistic expectations placed on caregivers exacerbate these emotions, making it essential to practice self-compassion and set achievable goals. Learn about the significance of processing and releasing trauma to foster emotional well-being and better manage the anger and resentment that often accompany this role.
Discover the PEACE framework, a five-step method designed to help caregivers navigate their emotional struggles more effectively. Through my personal stories and practical advice, we'll explore how recognizing the signs of caregiver resentment - from fatigue to stress-related health issues - is crucial for maintaining both physical and emotional health. Sharing responsibilities, communicating openly, and creating a personalized toolkit are key strategies for overcoming these challenges. Let's remember, you don't have to go through this alone; together, we can find joy, happiness, and improved well-being in the caregiving journey.
Enroll now in the Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving
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Follow me by clicking on the links below:
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
What if you could turn those tough caregiving days around with just a few simple strategies? This episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast promises to equip you with the tools you need to combat lack of motivation and uplift your spirit. I share my own journey and coaching insights, coupled with heartwarming messages from listeners in Massachusetts and Minnesota who reveal their grounding morning routines. We'll explore how validating physical and emotional exhaustion can be a game changer, and dive into practical tips for managing feelings of being overwhelmed, unappreciated, or isolated.
Join me as we build a personalized motivation toolkit that's perfect for caregivers. Learn about my go-to techniques like motivational quotes, energizing playlists, and the healing power of humor. Discover the significance of having a supportive person to lean on, the benefits of journaling, and how simple acts of self-care can make a big difference. We'll also delve into the concept of "faking it" to boost morale and the importance of understanding the root causes of your funk. With reflective questions and small joys weaved into your routine, this episode aims to transform those challenging days into manageable, even joyful, experiences.
Enroll now in the Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving
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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
Could a change in your self-talk transform your caregiving journey? Today's episode promises to uncover the secrets behind the power of language and its profound impact on caregivers. Join us as we celebrate the incredible connections we've built through the Caregiver Cup podcast, featuring heartfelt listener messages and invaluable resources.
Language shapes our reality, and in this segment, we explore how simple tweaks in self-talk can shift your perspective and enhance your energy. Through personal anecdotes and practical tips, we examine how positive affirmations and reframing challenges can turn your caregiving experience from overwhelming to fulfilling. Whether it's through monthly family breakfasts or daily affirmations, learn how these small but impactful changes can lead to a more optimistic outlook and reduced stress.
Finally, we introduce the concept of building resilience using the analogy of an umbrella. Just as an umbrella protects you from rain, gratitude practices, mindfulness, and affirmations can shield you from life's inevitable challenges. With real-life examples and actionable advice, we guide you in developing a robust mindset to face caregiving's ups and downs.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK - What is your umbrella? What skillset or habit helps you promote your positive thoughts, helps you energy and keeps you grounded? Share your answer here.
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Follow me by clicking on the links below:
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we dive deep into the reasons why caregivers often feel stuck and explore how to break free from the spiral of making excuses, blaming, shaming, and settling. Caregiving is filled with challenges and cultural expectations that can cloud your view, mindset, and overall joy.
Join me as I share personal stories and practical strategies to help you recognize and understand these patterns. We'll discuss how to challenge excuses, shift blame, practice self-compassion, and take small steps toward a more fulfilling caregiving experience.
Remember, you may not be able to change your situation entirely, but you have the power to change how you approach it. Tune in to learn how to reclaim joy and find your strength in caregiving.
If you’re ready to transform your caregiving journey and find more peace and happiness, this episode is for you. Don’t forget to share your thoughts and experiences, and let’s support each other in this incredible journey.
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- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
Discover the emotional complexities of caregiving with renowned clinical psychologist and emotional intelligence expert, Dr. JJ Kelly, on our latest episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. Dr. Kelly, who transitioned from traditional psychotherapy to founding Unorthodox Incorporated, shares invaluable insights from her bestselling "Holy Shit" book series. We'll explore the intense emotions of anger, resentment, guilt, and fear that many caregivers face, particularly women, and emphasize the necessity of understanding and validating these feelings to manage the emotional toll effectively.
Through engaging discussion, we tackle the importance of self-care and addressing personal needs to prevent burnout and maintain the ability to care for others. Dr. Kelly provides practical strategies for coping with these emotional challenges, from journaling and visual representations to alternative therapies like reiki and acupuncture. We also highlight the systemic issues within traditional therapy and the benefits of learning skills to manage emotions independently, ensuring caregivers feel seen and supported.
Finally, we underscore the significance of collaboration in caregiving, control issues, and the power of emotional intelligence in navigating daily caregiving demands. With Dr. Kelly's expert advice, you'll gain new tools and perspectives to better manage your caregiving journey. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to find validation, support, and practical solutions to the emotional challenges of caregiving. Share this enriching conversation with others, and join us next week for more empowering content on the Caregiver Cup podcast.Support the Show.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
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Ever wondered how a single quote could change your perspective on life? Discover how the timeless wisdom of Bishop Francis de Sales' words "Bloom where you are planted" could be your guiding light, especially for those navigating the challenges of caregiving. I’ll share personal stories and practical insights on how to cultivate a positive mindset in any situation, from finding joy in a rainy day to dressing up to boost your spirits. Get ready to uncover five actionable tips to help you flourish wherever you find yourself planted.
Gratitude and positivity are more than just buzzwords; they’re essential tools for enhancing our daily lives. Join me as I revel in the simple pleasures like vibrant garden blooms and the joy of feeding ducks and birds. Learn how small acts of kindness, such as sending thank you notes or reflecting on happy memories, can uplift your spirit and create lasting connections. I'll offer practical mindfulness tips and share how these small joys can significantly elevate your mood, even on the toughest days. Click here to to get my 30 Days of Inspiration.
Relationships and personal growth are vital, especially for caregivers juggling multiple responsibilities. We’ll explore the power of community and support groups, and how sharing experiences can be a lifeline. Flexibility and adaptability aren’t just survival tactics—they’re skills that can help you navigate the caregiving journey with grace. Plus, I’ll remind you of the importance of pursuing hobbies and new skills for personal growth. Engage with us through text, Instagram, or email, and let's continue nurturing our growth and joy together!
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
Discover how simple, local activities can create joy and lasting memories during the caregiving season, even when grand summer adventures feel out of reach. From intimate picnics and garden strolls to cozy movie nights at home, this episode shares heartfelt personal experiences that prove happiness and connection don't require elaborate plans. You'll also learn about a new text feature for listener engagement, and find out how you can share your own caregiving stories on the podcast. Plus, joining our newsletter will keep you in the loop for even more interactive communication.
The episode also dives into the mental and emotional benefits of spending time outdoors with loved ones. Picture sipping beverages on the patio, listening to music, and attending vibrant community events like food truck rallies and church picnics. For those caring for elderly or ill loved ones, we provide practical tips for accessible outings to botanical gardens, museums, and zoos, along with the joys of gardening, crafting, and thrifting. These activities not only entertain but also strengthen familial bonds, making every moment count.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Send Cathy a text:)
Ever feel like you’re constantly juggling the demands of caregiving without a moment to breathe? In this episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, we dive into the essential topic of "Making Space as a Caregiver." Discover why taking time for yourself isn’t just a luxury but a necessity. Through powerful stories like Emma’s journey from exhaustion to renewal and JoAnn’s transformation from guilt-ridden to empowered, we explore the profound impact of self-care.
Learn practical steps to set healthy boundaries, recognize signs of self-neglect, and implement small yet impactful changes to recharge your energy. From daily walks and connecting with support groups to delegating tasks and creating a personalized well-being plan, this episode is packed with actionable tips to help you thrive as a caregiver.
I’d love to hear from you! What do you do to make space for yourself as a caregiver? Send me a text and share your strategies and successes. Remember, making space for yourself is not selfish—it's essential. If you need help, I’m here to support you. Let’s continue this journey together, ensuring that we care for ourselves as we care for our loved ones.
Thank you for tuning in to The Caregiver Cup Podcast. Stay strong, stay well, and keep making space for yourself. Until next time!
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
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Are you feeling overwhelmed and isolated because you think you should handle everything alone. In this episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, we unpack the sneaky nature of caregiver false confidence. I'll share my personal journey through the pitfalls of overestimating my abilities and the cultural pressures that led to my stress and burnout. Together, we’ll explore reflective questions to identify the roots of this false confidence and uncover practical strategies to manage it effectively.
We'll dive into the critical role of self-confidence in caregiving and how a fixed mindset can spell trouble. I share my experiences to highlight the dangers of refusing to seek help and embracing perfectionism, which can escalate stress and compromise the quality of care. By addressing these issues, we stress the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between self-assurance and humility, and the need for continuous learning and support.
The episode wraps up with a meaningful discussion on the importance of honest self-assessment to avoid the emotional and physical toll of caregiving. We explore various tools and strategies for self-evaluation, like journaling, seeking feedback, and professional support. By recognizing our limitations, staying educated, and prioritizing our well-being, we can ensure we provide the best care possible.
Tune in to hear heartfelt listener stories, gain insights, and get inspired to embrace a balanced caregiving approach.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
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Join us for an inspiring conversation with Danae Robinett, a seasoned yoga teacher and retreat leader, who generously shares her journey as a caregiver daughter. With 19 years of experience as a yoga teacher and 12 years as a retreat leader, Danae brings a wealth of wisdom and insight to her caregiving role.
Danae's caregiving journey began with her mother's battle with ovarian cancer, followed by caring for her father, a three-time cancer warrior, in 2017. Throughout the episode, Danae's positivity, resilience, and honesty shine through as she reflects on her caregiving experiences.
She shares heartfelt moments, like the last holiday spent with her mom, emphasizing the importance of being present and cherishing memories. Danae's remarkable relationship with her father is a testament to the power of laughter and open communication in caregiving.
Despite the challenges of caring for her father in a skilled nursing facility, Danae's commitment and love shine through. She candidly discusses the toll caregiving took on her, including the emotional weight and the importance of self-care.
One pivotal moment Danae shares is her realization of the necessity of caregiver support, symbolized by a caregiver manual she received but didn't read for years. She emphasizes the importance of not being hard on oneself and the value of seeking support and resources.
Throughout the episode, Danae explores the emotional complexities of caregiving, highlighting the importance of mindfulness practices like yoga and deep breathing. She shares the invaluable lessons she's learned from years of caregiving, including the necessity of prioritizing her own health and learning to put herself first.
Follow Danae's journey and explore her retreat offerings at DanaeRobinett.com/retreat.
Join us as Danae Robinett's journey of resilience, perseverance, and courage inspires and uplifts, reminding us of the transformative power of love and self-care in the caregiving journey.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Well, hello my friend and welcome to the Caregiver Cup podcast! In this special episode, I'm taking a break from our usual structured format to have a cozy coffee chat with you. Picture this: it's Monday morning, and I'm still in my leopard print pajamas, sipping on my favorite black coffee.
Last week was a rollercoaster of emotions and stress for me, from the relief of my husband Denis's positive scan results to the pain of a root canal and outpatient surgery. Add in Mother's Day and my spouse's birthday, and you can imagine the whirlwind.
Inspired by Hoda and Jenna's "I'm so done with..." segment, I want to encourage you to make your own "I'm so done with..." list. Let's get real about the challenges we face as caregivers and vent together. It's time to release those pent-up frustrations and focus on what we can control.
I'll be sharing my own "I'm so done with..." list and highlighting the areas where we can make positive changes. From letting go of guilt and shame to managing our exhaustion and self-imposed pressures, we'll explore practical steps to refuel our minds and bodies.
Join me as we discuss the importance of self-care, celebrate our small wins, and find ways to navigate the caregiving journey with more joy and peace. Whether you're still in your pajamas or out for a walk, let's connect and support each other on this path.
Remember, if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. Let's embrace this caregiving journey together and become our best selves.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Join me on a personal season of transformation in "From Dread to Determination," where I explore the intricate landscape of caregiving. In this episode, I delve into the raw realities of facing daunting medical appointments, navigating complex emotions, and overcoming ruminating thoughts.
I share my personal experiences and insights as I grapples with the weight of caregiver responsibilities and the relentless cycle of negative thoughts. Through candid reflections and real-life anecdotes, I shed light on the challenges caregivers often face and the resilience required to navigate them.
Discover how I transform her mindset from dread to determination, finding strength in vulnerability and courage in the face of uncertainty. Learn valuable strategies for overcoming negative thoughts, advocating for better care, and fostering self-empowerment in the caregiving journey.
Tune in to gain inspiration, practical insights, and a renewed sense of purpose as we navigate the highs and lows of caregiving together. Whether you're a caregiver yourself or simply seeking understanding, this episode offers invaluable wisdom and support for anyone on a journey of caring for a loved one.
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Let's rewrite your caregiver story together. Join Empowerful Caregiver School today and start thriving.
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- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Feeling the weight of caregiving responsibilities? Struggling to find the motivation to face another challenging day? You're not alone. Join me in this episode as we explore practical strategies to reignite your motivation and reclaim your spark even on the toughest caregiving days.
In this episode, we dive deep into the common hurdles caregivers face, from emotional exhaustion to overwhelming responsibilities. We discuss the impact of lack of motivation and explore why it's crucial to address it head-on. Drawing from personal experiences and expert insights, we uncover simple yet powerful techniques to boost your motivation and infuse joy into your caregiving journey.
From mindset shifts to self-care practices, we share actionable tips to help you overcome burnout and rediscover your passion for caregiving. Whether you're feeling stuck in a rut or simply need a dose of inspiration, this episode is your guide to finding your motivation mojo and navigating caregiving with renewed energy and enthusiasm.
Tune in now to unlock the secrets to finding your spark on even the toughest caregiving days. Your motivation makeover starts here!
Plus, don't miss out on valuable insights from Carer Card UK in our latest blog post. Dive deeper into the factors affecting caregiver motivation and discover actionable tips to reignite your passion for caregiving. Check out the article here for a closer look.
Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.
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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
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- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
In this episode , we delve into the transformative concept of repotting and its profound relevance to the caregiving journey. Just as plants require repotting to facilitate growth and thrive, caregivers too must adapt, evolve, and create space for positive change.
- Join us as we explore five key aspects of repotting, from adapting to changing circumstances to cultivating resilience and adaptability.
- Discover how embracing change and intentional growth can empower caregivers to navigate the complexities of caregiving with grace and resilience.
- Tune in to learn practical strategies for nurturing personal well-being, exploring new paths, and fostering resilience in the face of challenges.
With insights inspired by the wisdom of Hoda Kotb and real-life caregiver experiences, this episode offers inspiration and guidance for caregivers seeking to cultivate change, growth, and flourishing in their caregiving journey
Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.
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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
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- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
It's time to dive into today's episode, and boy, do we have a juicy topic to explore! Picture this: You, yes YOU, uncovering your very own recipe for caregiver joy and kicking those negative thoughts to the curb. Doesn't that sound like music to your ears?
Join us as we embark on this journey of self-discovery, where we'll unravel the secrets to conquering those pesky negative vibes that can steal your sunshine as a caregiver. Trust me, it's all about finding your groove and embracing what works best for YOU.
So grab your favorite mug of coffee, cozy up, and let's dive right in! We're about to unlock the door to your caregiver joy, one secret sauce at a time. Get ready for an adventure like no other!
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
When Laureen Wysocki stepped into the role of a caregiver for her husband, Kevin, with young-onset dementia, she embarked on a path that would test her strength and resilience. Our heartfelt conversation with this courageous opera singer and dedicated caregiver shines a light on the complexity and beauty of caring for a loved one. Laureen's narrative, intertwined with her music, unfolds like a poignant aria, revealing the power of self-love, the need for a support network, and how she manages to harmonize the many facets of her life.
Throughout our time together, Laureen opened up about the crucial balance between providing care and maintaining one's own well-being. It's a delicate dance of setting boundaries, being clear in communication, and finding solace in practices like gratitude and journaling. She emphasized the importance of seeking and accepting help, and how vital support from counseling to community can be. Her insights offer a beacon of hope to those who might find themselves in similar shoes, reminding us that self-care is not just necessary, it's a lifeline.
Ending on a note of joy and optimism, Laureen's story is a testament to finding light in the darkest of times. She shared touching moments of connection with Kevin and the importance of cherishing small victories, like a special Valentine's Day that reminded her of love's enduring presence. Her journey, though fraught with challenges, teaches us to find and hold onto moments of happiness. Laureen's experiences serve as an inspiring reminder that even amidst life's most trying circumstances, there is beauty to be found and hope to be had.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
As a fellow traveler on the caregiving journey, I know the daily grind can sometimes leave us feeling like mealtime is just another mountain to climb. That's why I'm bringing you tried-and-true meal planning strategies to lift the burden off your shoulders. We'll tackle everything from the art of crafting a weekly meal plan that syncs with the unpredictable rhythm of caregiving, to the wonders of slow cookers and the hidden gems of local meal service businesses. Join me as we explore ways to keep both our spirits and our loved ones well-nourished, with a nod to our listener Maria, who reminds us all of the resilience and dedication found in the heart of every caregiver.
In this heart-to-heart, you'll not only hear tips and personal tales from my own life as a working mom but you'll also find out how to turn your kitchen into a haven of efficiency. We'll chat about the magic of prepping ingredients ahead of time, the genius of repurposing leftovers into new, mouth-watering dishes, and even how to embrace meal delivery services on those days when the stove might as well be on Mars. It's all about keeping mealtime simple, satisfying, and stress-free. So, whether you're someone who relishes the sizzle of the skillet or you approach cooking with the enthusiasm of a cat in water, this episode is your culinary compass, pointing you towards peaceful evenings and plates full of love.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Years of rushing to catch flights and balancing a career with raising children taught me a crucial lesson: adversity breeds resilience. Today, I'm inviting you on a heartfelt exploration of how a well-stocked caregiver toolkit can turn the daunting into the doable. Reflecting on the anxiety that once gripped me before every work trip, I share the transformative 'three I's' technique that reshaped my approach to life's turbulence—Identify, Implement, and go All IN—and how this can be a lifeline for anyone immersed in the world of caregiving.
Venture with me into the depths of managing stress and the art of simplification, as we navigate the complexities of caregiving. I'll take you through the process of creating a consistent routine, much like my trusty packing list for travel, and how this anchors us amidst the chaos. This isn't just about overcoming the hurdles of life; it's about embracing them, learning from them, and emerging more empowered with a toolkit tailored to our unique experiences. From anger to worry, to strategizing care, I unveil how we can all find solace in the collective wisdom gathered from our shared journeys.
I encourage you to craft your very own resilience toolkit so you can Stress Better—one that's as unique as your fingerprints and as robust as your spirit. I share snippets from my personal collection of tools, hoping to inspire you to reflect on the instruments you've already mastered and those you might wish to acquire. Let’s connect on Instagram at @cathylynnvan and exchange stories, tips, and encouragement. Let’s not just survive the caregiving expedition; let's thrive within it, filling our cups first so we can pour into others with generosity and love.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Join us for an insightful discussion on "Dealing with Narcissism: Insights and Coping Strategies for Caregivers." In this episode, we delve into the challenging realm of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and its impact on caregivers. Host Cathy bravely shares her personal journey of recognizing and navigating her mother's NPD, shedding light on the complexities of caregiving amidst mental health disorders.
Discover the signs and symptoms of NPD, gaining valuable knowledge to identify and understand narcissistic behaviors in your loved ones. From manipulation and entitlement to fragile self-esteem and extreme demands, we explore the multifaceted traits characteristic of NPD.
But it's not just about recognition – it's about empowerment. Learn practical coping strategies and boundary-setting techniques essential for safeguarding your well-being while caring for someone with NPD. Cathy offers heartfelt advice based on her own experiences, highlighting the importance of self-care and resilience in the face of adversity.
Tune in to gain valuable insights and actionable tips for navigating the complexities of caregiving amidst narcissism. Together, let's embark on a journey of understanding, healing, and empowerment.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Have you ever found yourself staring at the ceiling at 2 AM, worrying about a loved one you care for, instead of sleeping? You're not alone; an overwhelming majority of caregivers experience sleep disturbances, a topic we're addressing head-on in today's heart-to-heart on The Caregiver Cup Podcast. With sleep being as fundamental to health as diet and exercise, we certainly can't afford to keep ignoring it—especially when the stakes involve our capacity to care for others and ourselves.
As a former hospice caregiver, I've personally felt the brain fog and emotional turmoil that come from sleep deprivation. This episode is a candid exploration of the havoc a lack of sleep wreaks on our mental health, with anxiety and depression often creeping in. But it's not all grim; I'm offering a lifeline in the form of practical solutions, like the four, three, two, one method—a structured approach to easing into a restful night. You'll find out how simple changes to your evening and morning routines can dramatically shift your sleep quality, setting you up for more peaceful nights and energized mornings.
Let's face it, creating a sanctuary for sleep isn't just about fancy pillows and blackout curtains; it's about a holistic approach to winding down, embracing natural light, and establishing rituals that signal to our bodies that it's time to rest. We'll dissect the science and the strategies, from curbing the blue light menace to rethinking that morning coffee ritual. So curl up with your favorite blanket and join us on a journey to reclaim your nights, as we implore you to prioritize sleep as an ultimate act of self-care. Because a well-rested caregiver is a beacon of hope and strength for those who depend on us the most.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
When dental discomfort knocked at my door, it brought with it a landslide of challenges and revelations about the caregiver journey I never expected to face. The ache became a stern teacher, imparting lessons on resilience, self-advocacy, and the art of managing crises with a clear head. Through my own narrative of navigating a toothache, I peel back the layers on what it means to show up as your best self amidst adversity. This isn't just a tale of physical pain; it's a beacon for anyone who's ever felt swamped by the weight of caregiving, offering guidance on staying the course when the going gets tough.
The journey of a caregiver is often a solo trek, but this episode brings to light the collective wisdom and strategies to handle the emotional and practical hurdles that come with the role. From dissecting the emotional turmoil to strategically asking the right questions for expedited medical care, the episode delves into the importance of clear communication and the power of a strong support network. Whether you're in the throes of managing acute discomfort or teetering on the brink of feeling overwhelmed, the insights shared here will empower you to take actionable steps toward not just enduring but thriving in the demanding role of a caregiver.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
When I stumbled upon my late father's journals, a 40-year legacy of his thoughts and experiences, it was like finding a hidden doorway to the past and a spark for my future. His perseverance through the blank pages inspired me, Cathy, to embark on my own journaling journey, which I'm thrilled to share with you. As we explore the emotional rollercoaster of starting and maintaining a journal, I dive into the initial challenges and share candidly about the emotions that arise when life tries to crowd out this introspective practice.
Discover the simple yet profound practice of gratitude journaling in this heartfelt episode, where I reveal how listing daily thanksgivings and celebrating personal victories can significantly shift one's mental landscape towards positivity—even amidst life's toughest challenges, like my husband's cancer battle. It's a discussion that moves beyond the pages of a journal, as I offer practical tips for weaving gratitude into the fabric of everyday life, transforming protective negative thinking into a celebration of the good that surrounds us.
Closing this chapter, I underscore the special significance of journaling for caregivers, a group to which many of us belong, often without realizing the weight we carry. I extend an invitation to you to partake in this reflective practice, to share your own stories and setups, and to discover how this simple act of self-care can bring joy, empathy, and love into clearer focus. It's not just about writing down words—it's about nurturing the caregiver within and enriching our shared experiences on this journey of care. Join me, and let's embark on this path of personal growth and gratitude together.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Discover the keys to navigating the complex waters of hospitalization as we sit down with Dr. Monique Nugent, an experienced hospitalist and the author of "Prescription for Admission: A Doctor’s Guide for Navigating the Hospital, Advocating for Yourself, and Having a Better Hospitalization." Through our enlightening conversation, you'll learn how to be an effective advocate for your loved ones, uncover the pivotal role that hospitalists play, and grasp the significance of aligning with your loved one's values. Dr. Nugent's wisdom is invaluable, providing an list of strategies to de-stress and improve the overall experience during these trying times.
We dive into the essentials of personal health information management and the game-changing advantages of electronic medical records. Imagine the peace of mind knowing that your medication lists and specialists' contact information are just a touch away, especially during emergencies.
In our final segments, we tackle the emotional roller coaster of caregiving and how to enhance interactions with hospital staff. It's all about setting the right communication expectations, appointing a primary family contact, and acknowledging the crucial role of caregiver emotional health. Dr. Nugent's passion is palpable as she guides us through strategies to improve these interactions, emphasizing the power of a community that supports one another. Don't miss out on the wealth of knowledge and resources that Dr. Nugent shares, designed to fortify you with comfort, communication, and compassion in healthcare settings.
In addition to her book, you can find resource on her website at drmoniquenugent.com/
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
In this episode, I share what to do when it feels like nothing is working in your caregiver life because these times are tough when you are the primary caregiver and feel alone and like you're the only one dealing with hard times. I share my approach that helps me and my clients navigate the tough times and come out stronger on the other side. I share my step-by-step process (which includes 7 questions to ask yourself) for assessing the stressful situation and creating a focused and intentional plan to move forward. All along the way we also check in with your mental health to ensure that you're taking care of yourself as well as your loved done.
Takeaways: You are not alone in experiencing challenges in your caregiver life. Caregiving is hard and it will have it's ups and downs. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can. So grant yourself grace. Assess the situation by pausing, checking in on yourself and identifying your stress. Focus on what you can control and take intentional action. find accountability and support to focus and navigate your tough seasons. Remember the lessons learned from tough seasons for future challenges and to become a better you.
Blog Post: Question To Check In With Yourself - https://www.cathylvan.com/blog/201
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Celebrate with us as we uncork the bubbly for the 200th episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, a journey that's transformed from the humble beginnings of the Caregiver Wife to a haven for all sorts of caregiving champions. We're tackling the role of 'CEO' of our caregiving situations, armed with strategies for juggling the complexities of care without losing ourselves in the process. In today's heartfelt reflection, I'll share the catalyst behind our podcast's name and how we've grown into a spotlight of support and guidance for you, our precious community. Together, we'll marvel at the audacity of a listener who, at 64, reminds us that it's never too late to pluck the strings of a new passion, like those of a cello.
As your fellow traveler on this intricate caregiving path, I'll take you through the landscapes of stress and guilt often encountered along the way. We're not just identifying these challenges; we're equipping ourselves with a toolkit of solutions to navigate them. From examining the roots of caregiver burnout to offering practical advice for when the weight of decision-making feels unbearable, today's episode is a treasure trove of solidarity and strategy. Your stories and reviews illuminate the way, and as I talk through Sarah and Kaylee's great questions that surely help all caregivers.
As we glance back at the road traveled and eagerly anticipate what's ahead, episode 201 beckons us with the promise of more growth, more connection, and more victories to celebrate. From coping strategies to heartwarming triumphs, each step on this journey reinforces that we are not just caregivers; we are the heart and soul that keep the world turning for those we love.
If you have a comment, question, feedback or request, please go to https://www.fanlist.com/cathylynnvan.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
When life handed Tracy Donaldson the unexpected role of a dual caregiver, it carved a path of profound transformation, from corporate VP to the intimate realities of supporting both her mother and spouse through their personal health battles. This episode takes you through her candid journey, sharing the complexities of caregiving intertwined with the process of self-reinvention. Tracy's experience serves as a beacon for those navigating similar terrains, offering wisdom on harnessing your strengths and the courage to accept help without shame.
If there's one thing that my own brush with personal loss has taught me, it's that self-care isn't just a luxury—it's an essential part of the caregiving equation. This conversation unravels the self-care strategies that have been my lifeline: from meditation and exercise to the power of connection with friends. Discover the delicate art of maintaining your own well-being while fulfilling the demanding roles of a caregiver, and why it's crucial to find moments of joy and fulfillment amidst the responsibility.
In the rich tapestry of family dynamics and personal fulfillment, this episode explores the emotional depth and practical aspects of caregiving. As Tracy and I share our family experiences, we shed light on the importance of embracing each family member's unique contributions, finding personal strengths, and navigating the guilt that often accompanies the balancing act. Our exchange culminates with a focus on actionable steps to enhance the caregiving journey, emphasizing why it's essential to find joy and satisfaction even in the midst of life's most challenging chapters.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
When my husband Denis faced his stem cell transplant, I found myself in a debilitating zone of fear. This podcast peels back the curtain on the raw, transformative journey of caregiving, and I open up about the emotional quest from fear to empowerment. If you've ever found yourself floundering in the depths of the fear zone or cautiously stepping into the growth zone, join me as we uncover the resilience and lessons hidden in these experiences.
Through the lens of my story and our community's shared narratives, we navigate the intricate dance of learning to communicate with healthcare professionals, understanding medical information like a pro, and knowing when to take a step back. Empowerment in caregiving doesn't come easy—it's a patchwork of confidence built on acknowledging our strengths and confronting our limitations. Whether you're facing the challenge of interpreting lab results or learning when to ask for help, this episode is a testament to the growth that comes from every challenge we meet head-on.
As we wrap up, remember that caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. It's about pacing ourselves, automating the mundane to make room for self-care, and allowing patience to guide us through the ebbs and flows of our roles. I invite you to reflect on your path and the zones you've traversed, knowing that this community stands beside you as a pillar of support and a beacon for learning and growing together.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
As a caregiver, the rain of responsibilities can be relentless, but I've learned that the right umbrella can keep you dry and standing strong. It took me revisiting the trials of managing my mother's care after her lung cancer treatments to truly understand the weight and worth of setting healthy boundaries. This episode is a heart-to-heart on why erecting these protective barriers is essential for caregivers, and how doing so can be the very lifeline that keeps us afloat in a sea of demands. We navigate the delicate balance between professional duties and the intimate role of caring for a parent, sharing how to carve out space for yourself without apology.
Crucial to any caregiver's toolkit is the ability to communicate these boundaries with grace and firmness. I bring you real-life scenarios, like coordinating with my brother on our mother's medical appointments, to show you how setting clear expectations is done. We also tackle the finer points of working with healthcare professionals, maintaining patient privacy under HIPAA laws, and managing the influx of visitors. For those looking to transform their caregiving journey including deepen their boundary-setting skillset I point you toward the Empowerful Caregiver School. Join me as we affirm that the respect and support we give to our loved ones as caregivers is also ours to claim.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Six years ago, a moment of utter vulnerability amidst the chaos of caregiving led me to a breakthrough in self-care and managing stress. In this episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, I invite you to journey with me as we explore the power of morning routines, not just as a list of tasks, but as a transformative practice for those of us dedicated to the care of our loved ones. Through my own experiences, I'll guide you in embracing those first critical moments of the day to establish habits that can ripple positive change throughout your life.
We'll unpack the concept of "habit stacking," where small wins in the morning can lead to impactful momentum, helping you navigate the daily challenges of caregiving with renewed energy and focus. I'll share the personal rituals that have seen me through seasons of busyness, normalcy, and extreme stress, providing insights into how carving out time for yourself can significantly uplift your well-being. By prioritizing self-care before the day's demands, we set the stage for a healthier, more balanced life as caregivers.
Finally, I'll walk you through the practical steps to build your morning routine, from gratitude journaling to 'Embracing the Suck,' and how to avoid common pitfalls like overcommitting or choosing stress-inducing activities. I encourage you to assess your day in "zones" and experiment with these small changes. Let's embark on this empowering change together, one morning at a time, as we aim to foster the strength needed to support both ourselves and those we care for.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Facing the silent battle that every caregiver endures, I had to confront the truth about stress and burnout, something my father knew all too well. It's a tale not just of struggle but of transformation, and I'm here to guide you through the turbulent yet hopeful journey of caregiving. My own story of job dissatisfaction and the demanding role of caring for another will provide a backdrop for this crucial conversation about choice, change, and the necessary tools to reclaim your well-being.
This week's episode is a candid exploration of the treacherous paths to caregiver burnout. We'll dissect those ten behaviors that stealthily lure caregivers into exhaustion and share personal reflections on the complex dance of setting boundaries. Discover how to recognize burnout's red flags and the pivotal moments where prioritizing your health can radically alter the caregiving experience. Trust me, this isn't just a discussion; it's a lifeline for those feeling the weight of their responsibilities.
Lastly, we'll unwrap the gift of self-care, discussing why it's essential and how to practice it amid the taxing duties of a caregiver. Tune in for practical tips on sleep, nutrition, and the power of maintaining connections. Plus, I'm thrilled to extend an invitation to a free training series that's waiting to arm you with strategies to keep stress at bay. This isn't just another episode—it's a stepping stone to a more sustainable way of living and caring.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Discover the art of self-care and launch into a transformative New Year with us. As the confetti settles, we bring you a heartfelt conversation on how to make self-care not just a resolution, but a revolution in your daily life. Celebrating the New Year has taken on a new meaning for us; it's quieter, filled with intention, and a testament to our commitment to nurturing both body and mind. We unfold the importance of assessing the past year's caregiving journey, setting the scene to take on 2024 with renewed focus and self-love. Walk through a visualization exercise with us to tackle those overwhelming morning feelings and create a resilient strategy for stress management that honors the caregiver in you.
This time, we're not just talking about self-care—we're embodying it. Think of your energy as a precious battery that, just like your phone, needs to recharge to keep you at your best for those who depend on you. Join me on an empowering journey where simple acts like hydrating more or starting a journal can become catalysts for profound change. We'll explore how tracking these small yet significant steps can build into a lifestyle that celebrates growth and positivity. And don't miss out on our exclusive offer—the Empowering Caregivers training, designed to inspire and equip you with the tools necessary for a year of health, vitality, and transformative self-care.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Discover the resilience that lies within you as we journey together through a reflection practice. Get my free downloadable reflection practice guide, where we'll navigate a personal reflection practice of 2023 that goes beyond mere introspection, empowering you to embrace the gratitude and joy each year brings.
Ready to celebrate your wins and set the stage for an even more fulfilling year ahead? This episode promises to be your sanctuary for positive reflection as well ask recognizing the challenges and struggles. I share my own moments of pride, such as marking a retirement date, maintaining podcast consistency and juggling all the challenges to demonstrate the transformative power of positivity. It's about taking a moment to journal your triumphs, cherish the memories, and count your blessings. I'll prompt you with thought-provoking questions that will help you recognize personal growth and the profound impact of carving out time for oneself amidst the demands of caregiving.
As you set your sights on 2024, let's explore practical strategies for simplifying life and embracing self-improvement. From decluttering to scheduling, we'll discuss ways to reduce stress and enrich your caregiving journey with new hobbies and connections. It's not about grand resolutions but making manageable changes that count. Learn how to stay emotionally tuned and become a problem-solving maestro by committing to regular reflection, and utilize the reflection practice guide from my website to support you every step of the way. Let's turn the page together, and prepare for a year of simple shifts, fulfillment, and well-being.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Imagine, one moment you're navigating the ordinary challenges of life and the next, you're thrust into the role of a caregiver grappling with crisis after crisis. This was my reality when I had to put my personal life on hold to care for a loved one. Join me as I share this intimate journey, shedding light on the immediate stress and challenges caregivers face when a sudden crisis hits or there's a significant shift in caregiving responsibilities.
But it's not all doom and gloom. In the midst of these storms, it's crucial to arm ourselves with effective anti-stress techniques. I'll share mine with you - five calming techniques that have been my lifelines during stressful times. From the power of deep chest breathing to the magic of calming scents, these strategies, I have found, can make a world of difference. We'll also chat about five additional coping mechanisms: taking a deep breath, going for a short walk, listening to a fun song, taking a power nap, and speaking to a confidante. We'll discuss the importance of fueling our bodies with the right kind of nutrition during these times, because no storm is too big to weather when we take care of ourselves first.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the emotional and physical upheaval of midlife, especially while juggling the demands of caregiving? Join us as we navigate this challenging terrain with Karen Viesta, a certified health and lifestyle coach and the inspiring voice behind the Wellegant Woman podcast. Karen brings her own enlightening journey of midlife reinvention to the table, offering invaluable insight into the messages our bodies and minds send us during these transformative years. She presents actionable steps for managing the stress of caring for children and aging parents while also prioritizing self-care, from maintaining good sleep hygiene to finding pockets of tranquility amidst chaos.
But there's more! We also dive into the power of perspective shift, breaking down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps, and recognizing when our nervous system is on high alert. Karen introduces a compassionate approach that centers on small wins and building self-trust rather than an all-or-nothing mentality. This conversation is sure to offer you not only practical guidance but also the encouragement and inspiration that you need to redefine midlife on your own terms. Join us for this soul-nourishing episode and let Karen's wisdom guide you towards a path of calm, self-care, and trust in yourself.
Find Karen at wellegantwoman.com
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
As the paths of our lives intersect with those of our loved ones, we all too often find ourselves in the role of a caregiver. Through my personal experiences with my parents and husband, I witnessed the hidden burdens that come with caregiving - the sacrifices, the people-pleasing, the neglect of personal needs. This emotional rollercoaster of a journey, while filled with hardships, also brings forth gifts and positive memories that often go unnoticed.
Join our intimate conversation today as we peel back the layers of these caregiving experiences. We'll tackle the challenging conversations, the struggle for balance, and the importance of self-care. And amidst the chaos and the hardship, let's together find the strength to acknowledge and address our needs. From the pain, let's draw wisdom and the will to not just endure but to heal. Whether you're a caregiver yourself or know someone who is, there's something in this episode for everyone. Let's remind ourselves that we're not alone in this, and sometimes, it's okay not to be okay.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Navigating the holiday season as a caregiver? Expand your toolkit with our personal stories and practical advice to create new holiday memories and traditions that bring joy and simplicity. As a caregiver myself, I've encountered many of the challenges and emotions that often arise during this time of year. I've learned valuable lessons along the way - from acknowledging my feelings to accepting the helping hand of a loved one. Trust me when I say, you're not alone in this journey, and this episode is designed to equip you with strategies for managing holiday stress and embracing the present.
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the holiday expectations? Let's put an end to that. We cut through the noise of what 'should be' and remind ourselves to say 'no' to overwhelming expectations and 'yes' to embracing the present. Through personal anecdotes and shared experiences, we guide you on a journey towards simplifying your holiday season – focusing on creating new traditions, letting go of high expectations, and realizing that it's okay to accept help. The tips we share are not just practical, they're life-tested, helping to transform your holiday season into a time of joy rather than stress. So join, as we explore together the art of embracing simplicity and finding joy in the present.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Ever feel like you're drowning under the weight of caregiving? We're about to throw you a lifeline. We dedicate this empowering episode to untangling the complex web of caregiving and how to properly assert yourself in this role. We elevate the discussion around setting boundaries and the crucial role of saying “no”, both for your loved one's care and, importantly, for your own wellbeing.
We kick things off by exploring the silent signals our bodies and minds send us when we've hit our limits. Then, we wade into the challenging task of setting boundaries, armed with a practical four-step process to help you address situations that overstep. But we're not stopping there. We delve into the transformative power of saying “no” and how it can serve as an empowering tool in your caregiver's toolkit. You'll leave this episode with fresh insights and actionable strategies to balance your commitment to your loved ones and your own wellbeing, all while becoming a more effective caregiver. This is not just an episode--it's a lifeline for caregivers. Grab hold and listen in.
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Imagine waking up each day with a heart filled with gratitude, even amid life's toughest moments. That's the powerful journey I embarked on back in October 2017, and it has not only helped me manage stress but also find joy in the role of caregiving. Throughout this episode, I share the transformative power of gratitude, from being grateful for small blessings to the therapeutic practice of maintaining a gratitude journal.
Have you ever thought of thanking someone new each week? It’s a simple but powerful act of appreciation that can dramatically enrich our wellbeing. In this episode, we dive into creative practices of gratitude that can lead to sustainable happiness. I share my tested methods like morning journaling and reflecting on daily accomplishments. Drawing upon compelling evidence from Harvard and Yale, you'll learn how gratitude can rewire your brain to foster more empathy and happiness in just eight weeks.
The conversation doesn’t stop there. We explore the protective effects of gratitude against stress and its profound impact on mental health. You'll discover how focusing on positive thoughts can help you navigate the highs and lows of life, especially in challenging roles like caregiving. So, whether you're a seasoned gratitude practitioner or a curious beginner, this episode has something for everyone. Let's journey together on this transformative path towards happiness, positivity, and well-being.Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Did you ever imagine you'd be in this place, as a caregiver? Neither did I. As we celebrate National Family Caregivers Month, let's shine a light on the amazing work of over 50 million family caregivers across the country. Whether you're in the US or anywhere else, you deserve a virtual hug for all the extraordinary care you provide. 🤗
Picture a box arriving at your doorstep, 12x12 inches in size. Listen to the episode to find out what's inside and how these special items can help you on your caregiving journey.
To ease the overwhelming sensations that often accompany our role as caregivers, I share three gifts that you can give yourself - gifts inspired by a touching wedding ceremony in our family. These simple acts of self-care can help shift your focus, allow you to replenish your energy, and give you permission for a well-deserved break. We also delve into the importance of relishing the small moments of joy and intimacy that punctuate our caregiving journey. Together, we can find strength amid the struggles, and joy in the smallest of moments. Join me, and let's make the most of this challenging, yet rewarding journey.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Have you ever felt drained and powerless after a conversation or interaction, wondering if you're being haunted by energy vampires? Or perhaps you've been the culprit of your own energy depletion? Well, you're in for a treat. We're going on a spook-tacular journey through the realm of energy vampires - those ghoulish challenges that suck the life force right out of us, leaving us feeling exhausted and less effective as caregivers. Learn to recognize these energy vampires lurking in your life; they could be that constantly negative coworker, the overly critical parent, or an incessantly inquisitive friend.
Perfect timing for Halloween, right? Hold on to your broomsticks, because we're not stopping there. We'll also explore the Energy Vampire Syndrome, a condition you might be unwittingly causing in your own life. Sharing my personal experiences, we'll explore the triggers for this syndrome and its signs - both physically, such as exhaustion, and emotionally, such as stress and anxiety. Get ready to take control, learn to protect your energy, and boost your vibration.
Our final act involves sharing valuable tips on how to effectively deal with energy vampires! Learn to build a positive energy barrier and raise your energy vibration to ward off the negative effects of these energy leeches. We'll also cover creative ways to maintain positivity even while dealing with draining tasks. As we wrap up this thrilling episode, you'll be armed with strategies that include meditation, gratitude practices, setting boundaries, and self-care to help you navigate the spooky world of energy vampires. So get ready to step into your role as an empowered caregiver and remember, you've got this!Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Get ready to journey into the haunted realm of fear, as we explore not just Halloween traditions, but also the deeper, more personal fears that can creep up on us, especially as caregivers. Prepare yourselves for a chilling tale from my childhood, where a homemade witch costume won me second place in a costume contest! This Halloween, let's swap ghost stories, share our fears and carve out a path towards overcoming them, all while celebrating the spooky season.
Fear can be a daunting phantom, especially when it takes the form of caregiving challenges. From feeling underprepared and making mistakes, to the chilling grip of potential financial instability, these fears can cast long shadows. Yet, it's important to unearth these fears, as acknowledging them can lead to much-needed support. How can we differentiate between the truths and the haunting lies we tell ourselves? How can we prevent our thoughts from spiraling into the darkest recesses of our minds? These are the questions we'll grapple with in this episode.
Finally, we'll step into the light as we discuss strategies to overcome the fears that lurk in the corners of our caregiving journey. Unleashing the power of your journal, we'll create a go-to tab that will serve as your personal beacon of hope. By distinguishing fear from anxiety, acknowledging truths and reaching out for help, we can disarm the frightful specters of our minds. So, throw on your favorite costume, grab a hot mug of pumpkin spice latte, and join us for this Halloween-themed episode as we banish our fears into the night.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Ever found yourself juggling the chaos of life, work, and caregiving - all while struggling with guilt and stress? This week on Caregiver Cup, we unravel my personal journey during a tumultuous week in 2017, navigating Thanksgiving, work, my husband and father's chemotherapy treatments, and my own birthday. We delve into how accepting the present moment, despite the chaos, can offer a pathway to letting go of the guilt and pressure that so often accompanies caregiving.
Navigating a cancer diagnosis can be a whirlpool of emotions, and self-care often falls by the wayside. We'll discuss how crucial it is to grant oneself grace in such trying times. Leveraging my own experiences, we'll explore how therapy and community support can become pillars of strength when everything else feels overwhelming. Caring for oneself is imperative, and it's important to understand how to prioritize our mental health.
Guilt is a common companion for many caregivers, often arising from unrealistically high expectations we set for ourselves. This week, we delve into the societal pressures and lack of control that can amplify these feelings of guilt. We'll share practical tips for self-reflection, setting attainable expectations, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support. Together, let's learn how to manage and overcome caregiver guilt, while also prioritizing self-care. Come, join us for this enriching conversation, and let's explore how to refill our cups in the midst of caregiving chaos.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
What if there was a space where caregivers could come together, share their stories, and gain support? A place where they could learn to replenish their cups after pouring so much into caring for others? Welcome to the third anniversary celebration of the Caregiver Cup podcast! Over these incredible years, we've not just built a podcast, but a community of caregivers who've found a solace in shared experiences. I am overjoyed to walk you through our humble beginnings, the journey of how a simple hope of making a difference resulted in this impactful platform, and the inspiring stories of those who helped shape what the Caregiver Cup podcast is today.
Do you remember the sheer excitement of starting something new, fueled by nothing but raw passion? That was me three years back, discussing my dream of creating a podcast, facing doubts, yet plunging right in. I share my story of seeking mentorship and planning tirelessly for Caregiver Cup, hoping it inspires someone to start their own venture! As we've grown, so has our vision - from a name change to content expansion, there's much more to come. Stay tuned as we talk about offering free coaching opportunities and introducing a podcast inbox. Also, hear about our plans to expand to YouTube! Whether you're a caregiver yourself or know someone who is, I promise this episode will inspire, motivate, and guide you.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Do you feel like worry and anxiety are your constant companions as a caregiver? It's time for a change, and this episode is your golden ticket to making that change happen! As we mark the three-year anniversary of the Caregiver Cup Podcast, we implore you to join us in a candid discussion about worry - the worry habit, the core beliefs and most importantly, how to manage it. You can also listen to Episode 159 for more about worry.
Taking care of someone can often lead us down a rabbit hole of obsessive worry, which is both mentally and physically draining. But what if we told you that it's possible to redirect your energy from these worries to more positive thoughts? Listen in as we delve deep into the difference between general and unhealthy worry, the core beliefs that fuel obsessive worrying, and how we can transform this energy into trust and positivity. Our personal stories of overcoming worry will enlighten you on the many ways it can manifest and how to combat it.
But what's a celebration without some audience participation? As we commemorate three years of this podcast journey, I want to hear your thoughts, experiences, and encouraging messages. Share with us and get a chance to feature in our special video!
Remember, managing worry and anxiety is a journey, and together as a community, we can help each other keep our cups full. So, plug in those earphones, lean back, and let's toast to the strength and resilience of caregivers everywhere!
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Ever felt like you're endlessly running on a treadmill, caught in the caregiving cycle that leaves no room for you? I've been there too, juggling the demands of caregiving, feeling physically and emotionally sapped but persisting because...well, who else would? In this heartfelt conversation, we'll navigate the often uncharted territory of self-care for caregivers.
Imagine being able to find a sanctuary amidst the chaos, where the only person you need to attend to is you. It's not an unrealistic dream, but a necessary reality we need to create as caregivers. We'll explore how just 15 minutes of self-care daily can considerably boost your mental health and productivity. Whether it's taking a brisk walk, indulging in a creative hobby, or simply sitting in silence, these bite-sized moments of self-care can bring monumental changes. However, the road to self-care isn't always smooth. Guilt often acts as a hurdle that we'll tackle head-on, reframing self-care from a luxury to a non-negotiable necessity.
A crucial part of our discussion will focus on the art of communication - expressing your needs to your loved ones and setting boundaries. It's about making a conscious effort to fill your cup so that it overflows, enabling you to care for others without compromising on your health and happiness. And remember, even if it's just 15 minutes a day, it's your time. As caregivers, it's high time we cared for ourselves. So, are you ready to join me on this self-care journey?
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Are you ready to turn adversity into triumph? My guest today, Debbie Weiss, has done just that. A seasoned life strategist, author, entrepreneur, podcast host, and family caregiver, Debbie has turned her life's challenges into a journey of resilience and hope. Her powerful memoir, "On Second Thought, Maybe I Can...", serves as an inspiration to chase our dreams, no matter the hurdles we face.
Debbie and I explore the territories of overcoming fear and embarking on personal growth. Sharing her experience as a caregiver, Debbie opens up about the loneliness accompanied by the role and how she pushed past the fear of exploring new things. Boundaries and self-care come up as indispensable parts of the conversation, reflecting Debbie's own journey of writing her memoir amidst caregiving.
We delve deeper into the essence of the caregiver's identity and the oft-neglected aspect of self-care. Debbie’s candid narration of her own journey as a caregiver underscores the critical importance of self-care when caring for a loved one. Our discussion moves to her challenging times while leaving home for college when her father was ill, underlining the need to understand the physical, social, and emotional needs of a caregiver. Join us for this treasure trove of life lessons and inspirations – you wouldn't want to miss it!
You definitely want to purchase Debbie's book. Check out more about Debbie by going to www.debbierweiss.com
Register today for my FREE Webinar "Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving". It's common to feel resentment as a caregiver, and we're unpacking these emotions. More importantly, we're discovering strategies to conquer resentment and find peace.
Support the show
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
I've always believed that caregiving is more than just a responsibility; it's a calling. An event as simple as my niece's bridal shower reminded me how important it is to embrace our authentic selves and find joy in every moment. This episode is all about that - the personal decision of caregiving, and the transition from corporate life to helping caregivers through my podcast and coaching.
Our discussion takes a deep dive into the evolution and challenges of caregiving, particularly around raising children amidst the increasing use of technology. We'll also explore the changes that family caregiving has undergone in the past decade, including the growing need to balance our own needs with that of those we care for. And I promise you, the insights will leave you pondering and posed to take action.
Finally, we delve into the diverse landscape of caregiving and the unique challenges faced by caregivers today. Mental health, the importance of addressing caregivers' emotional wellbeing, and the increasing prevalence of long-distance caregiving are just a few of the topics we touch on. Fear not, we also share strategies and resources to help you manage your caregiving responsibilities effectively. So, gear up for an episode that empowers you to thrive while caring for your loved ones.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- 🌟Grab your spot in the upcoming FREE training: Empowering Caregivers: Four Essential Practices to Reduce Stress.Taking On Stress with Cathy's Top 4 Practices – Yours for Free.
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- 🩷 Join The Empowerful Caregiver School - a journey of transformation, empowerment, and unwavering support.
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Can't believe it's been six years since my caregiving journey began? I'll never forget that life-altering call I received from my parents, disclosing my dad's stage 4 pancreatic cancer diagnosis. Things became more overwhelming when my spouse too was diagnosed with stage 4 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
As we journey through this episode, we'll be reminiscing on the incredible growth we've experienced as caregivers - the unyielding resilience, adaptability, and emotional regulation we've developed through hardship.
We'll delve into the significance of creating a robust support network, and establishing systems for efficient decision-making and stress management. I know the immense growth that comes with being a caregiver, the knowledge gained about the medical system, and the new found skills in preventing burnout. With this in mind, I have curated a free training series specifically aimed at empowering caregivers. It's about us, it's about our growth, it's about supporting each other in the journey.
Lastly, I want to celebrate the amazing transformations we all have undergone in this journey. I remember hitting rock bottom, taking a break from work and reflecting on my role as a caregiver. That moment sparked a series of changes, leading to the birth of the Caregiver Cup podcast and the upcoming launch of the Empowered Caregiver School. Here's to our courage, our resilience, and our little but significant wins. Let's keep growing, let's keep healing, and let's keep supporting each other.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- 🌟Grab your spot in the upcoming FREE training: Empowering Caregivers: Four Essential Practices to Reduce Stress.Taking On Stress with Cathy's Top 4 Practices – Yours for Free.
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- 🩷 Join The Empowerful Caregiver School - a journey of transformation, empowerment, and unwavering support.
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Imagine a life where chronic stress and burnout constantly chip away at your focus, motivation, and memory. Sounds tough, right? Well, that was my reality. On this personal journey, I open up about my battle with chronic stress, discussing its profound impact on my life, offering real-life examples of how it crept into my daily routine, from forgotten meetings to misplaced items, and the steps I took to manage and prevent its recurrence.
What does burnout feel like? It can be anything from a negative outlook, impaired decision-making, to reduced self-awareness. But the good news is, it's manageable. I also share my personal experiences with caregiver stress, the techniques I adopted like breathing exercises and yoga, and the importance of reaching out, be it friends or caregiver groups. This episode reminds us all that our body and mind are built to withstand stress; we just need to listen to their signals. As a bonus, there's a free four-part training series at the end of the episode aimed at empowering caregivers to reduce stress.
Don't wait any longer to empower yourself as a caregiver. Join Empowerful Caregiver School today and discover a path filled with strength, connection, and the tools to thrive. It's the ultimate destination for caregivers who are ready to step into their strength and rewrite their caregiving story. Let's transform your caregiving journey together.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- 🌟Grab your spot in the upcoming FREE training: Empowering Caregivers: Four Essential Practices to Reduce Stress.Taking On Stress with Cathy's Top 4 Practices – Yours for Free.
- ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- 🩷 Join The Empowerful Caregiver School - a journey of transformation, empowerment, and unwavering support.
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Are you a caregiver navigating the tricky waters of resentment? It's a common yet complex emotion, characterized by bitterness, anger, and even hostility towards loved ones or certain circumstances. This episode promises to provide you with effective strategies to overcome and release resentment, making your caregiving journey more positive and fulfilling. We unravel the key reasons behind caregiver resentment, from unmet expectations, constant juggling of responsibilities, to financial strain, and lack of recognition. Acknowledging the presence of resentment and understanding its potential negative impacts on emotional, physical, and social well-being is the first step towards a healthier caregiving experience.
How does constant resentment affect you as a caregiver? Delving deeper, we examine how resentment can lead to a chronic emotional state, causing physical distress, mental strain, and long-term damage to relationships. But it's not all bleak - we also share effective coping mechanisms, communication skills, and strategies to manage negative emotions, all crafted to help you manage and gradually release the bitterness. Lastly, we explore the liberating process of overcoming resentment and negative thought patterns, focusing on accepting and addressing your feelings, setting boundaries, and open communication for a healthier, more balanced caregiving journey. It's challenging, it's intense, but it's absolutely essential for your overall quality of life. Tune in, and let's embark on this journey together.Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
When I first began to prioritize my health and set healthy boundaries, my family was less than thrilled. There were pushbacks, guilt-inducing comments, and even some behind-the-scenes gossip. But I learned to navigate through these obstacles, and I'm sharing my experiences with you in this heartfelt episode. We'll explore the emotions your loved ones may feel when you begin to care for yourself and ways to address them, while respecting their feelings and standing your ground.
Don't let guilt or negativity derail your journey to becoming a healthier, happier caregiver. By offering a healthier version of yourself, you can create a win-win situation where everyone benefits from your transformation. If you're seeking balance as a caregiver, I encourage you to consider my personalized coaching and join the waitlist for my upcoming caregiver school. This episode is a stepping stone towards a better caregiver life. So tune in, absorb the wisdom, and remember - the first step towards caring for others is learning to care for yourself.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Feeling overwhelmed and stressed as a caregiver? You're not alone. Join me on this emotional roller coaster ride, where I share my personal experiences and discuss the common challenges caregivers face. I know firsthand the struggle of waking up each day feeling hopeless and the reliance on quick fixes like power naps, late-night work, and denial. But what if we could move past these temporary fixes and aim for a more fulfilling caregiving life?
Get ready to be part of that 15% who are courageous enough to bring about lasting changes in their caregiving journey. I'll guide you through the process of stepping out of your comfort zone, combating negative thoughts, and making small, consistent steps towards a better caregiving life. Together, we'll explore my new course, Empowerful Caregiver School, focused on developing new skills, creating habits, and taking consistent action. Trust me, it's not as scary as it sounds.
And, because caregivers deserve all the care in the world, we'll wrap up by discussing the importance of self-care, to combat loneliness and improve overall well-being. Through habit stacking and pursuing personal passions, we can create moments of joy in our caregiving journey. So, let's strive for a healthier, happier life, not just for our loved ones, but for ourselves too. After all, caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint.
Get on the waitlist coming out in September. I will be limiting the size of this group, so if you’re even considering it.
Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Ever wondered how to transform your caregiving experience into a journey of peace, joy and empowerment? The answer lies in auditing - a process I recently undertook for my podcast, the Caregiver Cup, with the help of my coach, Krystal Proffitt. Krystal's invaluable insights gave me a clear picture of my podcast's strengths and weaknesses. Our discussion spanned new tools, website evaluation, SEO, and the pros and cons of outsourcing - all elements that contribute towards taking a podcast to the next level.
But the idea of auditing doesn't just apply to podcasts. As caregivers, we too can leverage this process to move from a state of overwhelm to a stage of empowerment. Only a fraction of caregivers step into this phase, but the benefits are immense - tackling feelings of stress and loneliness, and above all, improving caregiving. In the episode, we explore three potential ways to perform an audit, assessing not just the caregiving aspect but also other life areas.
Steve Hartert from JotForm helps us understand the central categories to focus on in a life audit, making it easier for caregivers to break down different aspects of life - from health to finances, and translate these insights into action steps. As we conclude, we discuss the joy that can be discovered in auditing, highlighting the importance of examining our current situation and making conscious efforts to enhance it. So, join us as we navigate through the process of auditing, filling our cups, and living our best caregiver lives.
Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Feeling anger, resentment, torn or unhappy? Caregiving is a life transition for you and it competes with your values. This transition is hard. When you don’t address your competing values, you may feel like you are suffocating.
Learn invaluable tips to stay connected to our personal goals and your new caregiver values. I delve into how to identify your values during and after this transformative journey, and why it's paramount to keep moments of joy and peace at the core. I also draw parallels between caregiving and other significant life transitions, such as the pandemic and personal health battles like cancer. Remember this: during these challenging times, it's crucial to check-in with yourself, take pride in your evolution, and stay grounded. Tune in for this enlightening episode.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Do you ever feel like your mind is overflowing with negative thoughts as a caregiver? Well, mine certainly was this past week. I was buried under the weight of concerns about my appearance, and with Denis’ oncology visit, my anxiety was through the roof. I was stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, so I began to question their utility. Are they really helping us or just adding to our emotional burden?
Through this journey of navigating negativity, I stumbled upon the intriguing concept of Reticular Activating System (RAS), our brain's very own filter for information. It's a little like a lint filter that sometimes gets clogged with all the negativity. I learned how to recognize when my RAS filter is overloaded and how clearing it can help manage my mental health.
This journey doesn't have to be undertaken alone. Together, we can learn to retrain our RAS and flip our negative thoughts. I discovered that with a few brain games and some practical strategies, I could restore a positive mental and emotional state. I began setting reminders with positive affirmations, getting myself into motion, and finding my caregiver community. This not only helped me to regain control over my thoughts but also improved my overall wellbeing. And guess what? You can do it too. Let's embark on this journey together to understand and reprogram our mind filter.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Ever wondered how your body is signaling stress levels and what the clues might mean? Join me as I take you on a journey of self-discovery, mapping stress zones and crafting strategies to manage caregiver stress. Drawing parallels from the ER triage system and my personal experience with my husband's injury, we'll explore how assessing your stress can be the first step towards better emotional resilience.
Dive into the world of color-coding your emotions, a simple yet profound technique to recognize and respond to the undercurrents of caregiving feelings. Let's reveal the patterns hidden in green, blue, yellow and red zones; from days of tranquility to times of fear and frustration. I'll share my raw, personal journey during a six-week stem cell transplant, providing insights into feelings of isolation and exhaustion, and how recognizing your color zone can provide relief.
Finally, let's walk together as we navigate different emotional zones, harnessing green days to build strength and turning blue days into opportunities for self-care. I'll share strategies that helped my 8-year-old son Jamie manage his 'red zone' moments, and my personal introspective journey during my dad's chemotherapy decision. Ready to build your personal toolkit to manage caregiver stress? Let's get started.
Get more training on the color coding system and toolkit strategy, join the waitlist for the NEW, upcoming Empowerful Caregiver program
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Are you wearing too many hats as a caregiver and unsure how to juggle them all successfully? Let me tell you, it's a common feeling, but you're not alone. I've been there, and today, I'm sharing the inside scoop on navigating the multifaceted world of caregiving. From being the nurse, the cook, the driver, to the bill payer and the web designer, we celebrate and recognize these diverse roles that shape your unique caregiving journey. Not to mention, how our other roles outside of caregiving add even more hats to our collection.
Transitioning from a novice to a master in caregiving isn't always a walk in the park. It's a journey of learning, growing, and overcoming challenges. How do we navigate this exceptionally demanding transition? Let's talk about it. Acknowledging the skills and experiences we acquire as caregivers is a huge part of it. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and reach out for help. We'll explore how to recognize and credit the skills you're gaining along the way.
Lastly, let's not forget ourselves in the process of caring for others. Self-care is vital, but it's often overlooked. I want you to think about the hats you wear daily. How do they make you feel? Stressed? Exhausted? Let's work on changing that. I'll guide you through strategies for reducing stress, avoiding burnout, and truly finding joy in caregiving. Remember, making time for yourself is the key to better manage the many hats you wear as a caregiver. Let's celebrate the inspiring yet complex journey of caregiving together!
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Feeling weighed down by the stress of caregiving? Join me as I share a hilarious family story that teaches valuable lessons about handling stress and the importance of not overloading ourselves. Just like a canoe that can't handle too much weight, our minds and bodies can't handle excessive stress without tipping over. In this episode, I discuss the concept of a caregiver stress backpack and how we can learn to lighten the load.
I also examine the intense responsibilities that family caregivers face and the impact it has on their lives. With 71% of surveyed caregivers working while providing care, and 75% of them being female, it's essential to find ways to manage stress and prevent burnout. From preparing meals and assisting with dressing to providing social interaction, caregivers often feel like they're on a never-ending hamster wheel. In this discussion, I share my personal journey and the lasting effects caregiving had on my health, relationships, and career.
To help you navigate these challenges, I offer practical strategies for reducing caregiver stress and prioritizing self-care. By identifying your stressors, making small changes, and delegating tasks, you can lighten your stress backpack and create a healthier, more balanced life for yourself and those you care for. Remember, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being as a caregiver and take the necessary steps to become a successful and proud caregiver.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
- Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
I'm diving into one of the most impactful mindset strategies I've discovered which has led to breakthroughs and transformations in my own caregiving journey. Imagine shifting your focus from feeling overwhelmed to celebrating your wins - even during the toughest times.
In today's episode, I recount my personal experiences, from making detailed plans to adapting to unexpected delays. I discuss how our brains are predisposed to dwell on the negative, and the toll this can take on our mental and physical well-being. But don't worry, I also share how the "three-wins game" has helped me embrace gratitude and acknowledging victories.
Ready to build your gratitude muscle? Join me as we explore why cultivating a mindset of celebration is so crucial, especially when caregiving during difficult times. I share how I developed this mindset during the hardest season of my life and provide an assignment to help you start celebrating your wins too. It's time to transform your caregiving journey by embracing the power of gratitude and the Wins Game!
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Are you juggling the challenges of caring for aging parents? Let us help you navigate this journey with valuable insights from Shay Domangue, an Internal Medicine Physician's Assistant and founder of the Elder Care Hub. As we explore streamlining medication lists, addressing caregiver burnout, and maximizing healthcare resources, you'll gain practical tools to better support both yourself and your elderly loved ones.
Managing medications is a critical aspect of caring for our aging parents, and Shay's expertise in this area sheds light on potential risks and solutions. We discuss the Beers List criteria, which highlights medications that pose high risks for the elderly, and the importance of maintaining a positive dialogue with physicians. Beyond medications, we also tackle the issue of caregiver burnout, exploring creative ways to alleviate stress, such as involving teenagers for small tasks or breaking the stigma of paying for caregiving services.
Shay's passion for elderly care is evident in her advice on preparing for a caregiver's medical appointment and her genuine drive to support the caregiver community. From organizing medication lists to utilizing available resources, we discuss practical strategies to ensure a more successful and stress-free caregiving experience. Don't miss this enlightening conversation with Shay Domangue, where we uncover the challenges and solutions for caring for aging parents.
You can find about more about Shay on Instagram at the.elder.care.hub or go to her website at theeldercarehub.com
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Interviewing other caregivers are one of the best parts of being a podcaster. But this episode is EVEN BETTER. When you hear how a caregivers takes her skills and talents and uses them to her advantage in caregiving, you see the positive impacts to her advantage. Rosa Everson is a caregiver, retired teacher, professional organizer and a declutter coach. She shares her incredible journey of becoming her mom's primary caregiver after her mom suffered a stroke. Rosa opens up about the challenges she encountered while dealing with facilities, paperwork, and legalities, and offers valuable insights on making caregiving more manageable and efficient.
You'll walk away from this episode with valuable tools and a renewed sense of purpose.
You can learn more about Rosa by going to her website at https://www.ahome4everything.com/
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Are you drowning in the demands of caregiving? What if there was a way to make your caregiving journey a little bit more manageable? Join me as I share valuable strategies for simplifying caregiving, by asking an essential question: "How can I make this easier?"
In this enlightening episode, I touch on the power of perspective, the importance of trusting our caregiving team, and the necessity of self-care in the midst of our busy lives. I discuss how embracing adaptability and actively prioritizing well-being can alleviate stress and make the caregiving process more enjoyable. Plus, my personal experiences and how I've learned to implement processes and systems to make lives easier.
Finally, I invite you to connect with other caregivers in our private Facebook group, the Caregiver Cup Online Community. By sharing our experiences and supporting one another, we can make our caregiving journey a little bit easier together. So, don't miss this insightful episode packed with practical advice on making caregiving more manageable.
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please share this episode.
Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community. It's a Free, Private Facebook group for you, my valued listener to get bonus content on each episode, ask questions, share your insights and much more.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
It's crazy how your brain is wired and what if feeds on. Are you allowing your negative thoughts in? What do you now believe about those negative thoughts? How is it impacting you?
In this episode, we're breaking down
- what you are telling yourself (the positives and negatives)
- how it's impacting you as a caregivers
- why it's easy for negativity to consume our thoughts and then we believe it
- how to switch those negative be thoughts and beliefs
It's essential to recognize that these beliefs are not necessarily accurate reflections of reality. Caregiving is a demanding role, and caregivers often neglect their own needs while providing support to others. Encouraging self-compassion, setting realistic expectations, seeking support from others, and acknowledging personal limitations can help caregivers challenge these beliefs and recognize their own efforts and value.
After the episode, take some time and answer these questions:
- what are your beliefs?
- What are your systems and support?
- What are your habits, patterns and behaviors?
- What are you and others seeing?
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please share this episode.
Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community. It's a Free, Private Facebook group for you, my valued listener to get bonus content on each episode, ask questions, share your insights and much more.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
This was the first Mother's Day without my Mom. Mother’s Day was a hard day for me. Honestly, I felt like I was kicked in the gut. And then when I tried to stand up, it kicked me back down again. My heart and mind was so heavy. I missed my Mom so much and felt that void even bigger yesterday.
I caught myself (at first) getting angry at myself for not being strong and pushing through it. I could hear my Mom saying “suck it up, Cathy”. I had to find peace in allowing myself to be and feel this way.
In today's episode, I unpack:
- the letter I wrote myself
- my relationship with my Mom,
- how I took a step back and realized the what I learned in my caregiving journey
- insights you can take away from my lessons
Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please share this episode.
Join the Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community. It's a Free, Private Facebook group for you, my valued listener to get bonus content on each episode, ask questions, share your insights and much more.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Who's on your caregiving team? When caregivers take a step back and look at their team and see the importance of the services, support and help, they'll be able to embrace the moments and joy in their journey.
In this episode, we're unpacking:
- who's on your team
- benefits of your team
- thinking like a leader to that team
- tips and information on how to form and lead a caregiver team
Check out the FREE Midlife Talk Series for great interview and topics for midlife women this May.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Worry is a normal human emotion and everyone experiences it to some degree. It's a natural response to uncertainty and can be a helpful signal that something requires attention or action. Caregiver worry can be debilitating.
In this episode, we're unpacking
- ways we worry
- types of worry
- why we worry
- strategies to overcome and reduce worry
Caregiving can be a challenging and stressful role, and it's important to be kind and gentle with yourself. Recognize that worry is a normal part of the caregiving experience, and that you're doing the best you can.
Check out the FREE Midlife Talk Series for great interview and topics for midlife women this May.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
Manifesting is important in caregiving because it is a way to intentionally focus our thoughts and energy on what we want to achieve or experience in our challenging life right now. Manifesting can have a powerful positive impact on our mental, emotional and physical health and can enhance our overall caregiving experience.
In this episode, we're unpacking:
- abundance mindset vs a scarcity mindset
- the benefits of manifesting with positive energy
- how to manifest what you want and need
Check out the FREE Midlife Talk Series for great interview and topics for midlife women this May.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
As a caregiver, our days can be unending with caregiving tasks, home chores, our job and much more. Stress and burn out can set in pretty fast. You can’t always control everything in your life right now. But one thing you can control is the care and time you give yourself.
In this episode, I'm unpacking:
- the benefits of exercise
- why it's hard to fit in exercise as a caregiver
- why movement can help you through stress and mental health
- finding the best exercise for you in your caregiver season
Caring for yourself is what you need right now. It should be non-negotiable - like brushing your teeth. Being present and caring for your loved one is hard and requires so much effort.
Just like all your caregiver tasks, exercise should be a habit that is needed.
To sustain this journey, you need to fill your cup.
Check out the FREE Midlife Talk Series for great interview and topics for midlife women this May.
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
In this episode, I’m talking all about those feelings of grief and loss when your loved one is still here. I’ve experienced this several times and was filled with guilt and shame for feeling this way. I'm unpacking:
- What is loss
- What is grief
- 2 types of loss/grief caregiver experience while their loved one is alive
- Signs and symptoms of loss/grief
- 5 stages of grief
- Some steps you can take that may help ease your journey
Support the showThank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.
Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
She asked me the question that made me perk up in my chair and grateful that someone is finally asking me this question. It is something that triggers me, gets me emotional and it’s not my best moment.
Last week, I was interviewed for an upcoming event called MidLife Women Series regarding caregiving, stress, burnout and ways to work through it. The format was facilitated by Sheree Clark, Midlife Courage Coach. Wanna know what the question is?
What advice do you have for a friend of a caregiver?
Simple question but I have tons of baggage with that question. What about you?
In this episode, we're talking about why friendships change as a caregiver and how you can sustain and keep relationships that you really need.
Get the full show notes at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode155
Check out the FREE Midlife Talk Series for great interview and topics for midlife women this May.
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In today’s episode, I’m talking about those normal caregiving days, Those days where you feel like you are in autopilot When things feel the same, isolating, and you don’t see an end or have anything to look forward to.
I'm unpacking loneliness and happiness. When we understand those normal days, the science behind it and how they impact us, we can then take action on the things we can control.
Now more than ever, you will want to not only appreciate your normal day, you will also want to take small steps to find your joy and be happier in your caregiver life.
Check out the FREE Midlife Talk Series for great interview and topics for midlife women this May.
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Why do you feel like a dirty dish rag (or wet noodle) when you are with your loved one sitting all day in the clinic? It's stressful, exhausting, frustrating and boring. Right?
In this episode, we're talking about surviving those long days, what to bring to help you combat the boredom and ways to combat the energy that gets sucked out of you.
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The Stem Cell Transplant Is Scheduled, Now What? Or better yet, what all needs to be done?
Before, Denis and I got home from the transplant doctor, the dates were booked but there were still so many unanswered questions.
- Where will we going to stay?
- Would the insurance cover everything?
- Who would take care of our home, dogs and my mom?
In this episode, I want to share the preparation experience. Some things went smoothly, others were learning experiences and also the things we didn’t think about and forgot.
The doctors and the transplant team do a great job providing resources for your loved one, but as a caregiver, there was much more to plan and prepare. That’s why I’m sharing a series of episodes about my loved one's bone marrow transplant (aka stem cell transplant) so that you, the caregiver can find helpful tips and hints to make your journey a bit easier.
Get the full episode notes at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode152
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It's a little over a year since my spouse began his stem cell transplant. In this episode I reflect on the pre-transplant process. One the biggest gaps I experienced was the lack of caregiver information. The medical systems does a good job at providing resources and education for the patient, but the caregivers are left to figuring it out on their own.
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Your core values and beliefs are your anchor to self-care. Your core values are a testament to your true self because they are what matters most to you when it comes to your personal and professional life - and now your caregiver life. Your values influence that little voice in your head that tells you whether or not to care about something and how you should prioritize your time.
Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work and care for your loved one. They help determine what you truly want out of life while simultaneously acting as the measuring stick you use to tell if you’re satisfied with your current situation and living in a meaningful way.
Core values define who you are while helping you find your purpose, doing your job, and caring for your loved one. They are your core beliefs.
- As you look at your personal-core values, ask yourself if your values affect your caregiving?
- What self-value will positively impact your caregiving?
Self-care is the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
Self-care is personal
is your thoughts and feelings (your self-worth)
is being kind to yourself (your self-compassion)
is growth and taking action (your self-love)
is your beliefs and purpose, who you are (your values)
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Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. It's shifting our focus inward not outward. But why is self-love so hard to practice as a caregiver?
In this episode, we're breaking down
- What is self-love?
- Why self-love is so challenging as a caregiver?
- The benefits of self-love
- How to practice self-love?
- Suggested self-love practices
For the complete transcripts, got to https://www.cathylvan.com/episode149
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Self-care is personal, it’s your thoughts and feelings (your self-worth), it’s being kind to yourself (your self-compassion), it’s growth and taking action (your self-love) and it’s your beliefs and purpose, who you are (your values). Once you understand all the parts of self-care, you will be able to see your path.
In last week’s episode I shared ways to increase your self worth. And…. Self-compassion is a wonderful place to start.
Self-compassion is the ability to be kind to yourself and actually say and do kind things towards ourselves the same way you would a good friend versus being self-critical.
Self-Compassion is a tool for resilience and self-love. The more you practice self-compassion, (nourishing peace of mind, patience, love, and kindness within yourself), the more you can buffer against caregiver burnout.
Get all the show notes including self-compassion practices to prevent caregiver burnout. https://www.cathylvan.com/episode148
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This is part one of the self-care series. Self-care and Self-love are the most important skills and practices as a caregiver. In today's episode, we're starting with self-worth.
- What is self-worth and why it's the first step to self-care.
- Reflecting on your own self-worth
- The 6 thoughts and beliefs to improve your self-worth
Journaling prompts
- how would you describe your self-worth?
- What value did you place on yourself or aspects of yourself?
- Are your descriptions generally positive, balanced, or negative?
- Where do your thoughts around your worth come from?
- What do you love about yourself?
- How do you treat yourself? On good day and when you make mistakes.
Get the 6 thoughts and beliefs to improve your self-worth and the transcript from this episode at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode147
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If you're caring for a loved one in their end of life and hospice or you're approaching it soon, this episode is going to be valuable.
Today’s guest, Helen Bauer from the Heart of Hospice podcast shares
- What’s the difference between Palliative Care vs Hospice?
- What is end of life care?
- Your rights to choose an agency.
- Levels of hospice care
- The core team, services / discipline, caregiver system and the family
- What hospice does to help the family?
And then some really good advice for caregivers.
- Caregiver empowerment - advice for caregivers
- What’s covered under Medicare hospice benefits?
- Keys to making a caregiver system work
- Self-care and self-awareness for the caregiver during this time. Mind, body and spirit
- Caregiver behaviors and roles during this time
- View of death
Check out all Helen and The Heart of Hospice has to office at
- website link. The Heart of Hospice
- podcast link. The Heart of Hospice Podcast
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Juggling everything can be hard now that you are a caregiver. Before caregiving you were working on those personal and professional goals and now this caregiver life has complicated things. In today’s episode, I want to talk about you, the working caregiver or the business owner caregiver or the student caregiver.
Many of my clients and caregiver friends are just that. They are working their professional career and now their parent needs them. They are in their master degree program and their spouse is fighting cancer. They are an entrepreneur and juggling time to take care of their sibling.
Whether you choose to continue your goals or passions while caregiving or you financially can’t quit your job because you need the insurance, I want to talk in this podcast about managing it all with less stress. Figuring out ways to reduce burnout and enjoy the journey.
I’m here in this episode today to say, you can be an effective caregiver, work your job/career, run your business and be your best self. You can pursue your goals and passion during this season if that’s what you want or have to do. Life doesn’t have to stop. You can manage this caregiving life.
There are many caregivers that do this everyday. The successful caregiver focuses on
- what they want,
- what they need
- a caregiver plan
When you become a caregiver manager vs a go-all-in caregiver, you find that you can find joy in the challenges.
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When you become a caregiver you think about the extra responsibilities, being an advocate and your loved one’s care. You don't think about the relationship changes and dynamics that occur.
Being the child of an aging parent often forces you into role reversal. It can be awkward, embarrassing, frustrating and very challenging at times.
I feel it was extremely challenging to have the relationship of the past, especially when caregiving calls you to be the financial manager, the healthcare manager, the safety manager and the manager of their overall well-being. Changing the dynamic of your relationship from being a daughter to a primary caregiver felt emotional and confusion.
When your spouse needs care, your relationship changes too. Your spouse is no longer your lover, partner, or your fun date. This transition can be difficult. You now miss the everyday help. You miss the companionship. You miss the conversation. You miss the intimacy.
The first thing you probably noticed are the extra tasks. Simple things like, they carried out the garbage or ran to the store or did the dishes or filled up the car. Now you have to take on more. Your focus is different. You may be in constant worry or checking on your loved one and trying to do everything you can to make them feel better.
When we begin providing care for a loved one, our relationship with that person can take on a new meaning as our role in their life changes. Whether we are their spouse, child, sibling or friend, taking on the role of managing their care or helping them cope with a disease or condition comes with unique responsibilities and relational dynamics. In some cases, caring for a loved one may make our relationship with them stronger, but in others, the stresses of caregiving may lead to increased strain which in turn can negatively impact our relationship with a loved one.
If you are experiencing a strained relationship, it starts with
- Assessing and auditing the big picture
- Brainstorm options
- Communicate effectively
- Listen to our loved one’s preferences
- Separate the disease from the person
- Explore resources
Caregiving naturally affects your relationship with the person you care for. You interact in new ways. You see each other differently. And you experience unfamiliar, sometimes funny or even delightful feelings.
Approach the changes positively, with an open mind, and you might be surprised. Your relationship could become stronger and more fulfilling.
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In today’s podcast I want to share the importance of walking through each challenge with a grateful mindset, a patient mindset, a graceful mindset and one that allows you to fall and learn along the way
One of the biggest mistakes I see caregivers make (me included) is that we look at caregiving as the end in your life and you start believing that your goals and future plans will no longer be possible. Instead, it’s a road block and most of the time a huge road block with lots of pain and challenges and sometimes loss, but it doesn’t mean that you have to give up on your life goals your future dreams and yourself.
While you are going through your caregiver journey, you can and should keep your goals and dreams and just adjust them And then use this time to learn more about yourself and be ok with this journey.
The mindset shifts caregiver can adopt:
- Be ok with this season by stop looking at the future or past.
- Embrace your feelings and thoughts.
- Be grateful.
- Live in the present. Live in the place where you are now.
- Choose your mindset.
- Embrace the small things in this season.
When you focus on this caregiving journey as a reward, a gift and learning opportunity.
I’m grateful that I can now reach this goal of retirement so can open the door to working full-time on my passion with The Caregiver Cup. To be honest, I need to walk this path to get here.
Again my friend, if you are feeling frustrated and struggling, I want you to know that it sucks and feels awful. But… keep going. Work on your mindset so you can release the negativity and get rid of the untruths that you mind is telling you. There is good in this hard journey. Not everyone can see this but I know you can if you choose to.
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It’s the perfect time to stop and do something for yourself. I want to share a process that I do now each year and I know it’s already the new year -to be honest, you can proclaim a fresh start and set intentions anytime you need to. I actually revisit this process every three months now.
- Assess and audit last year
- What you want this year?
- How will you focus?
So, my friend, I hope you take some time to reflect and audit on the past year, and go into this year with a focus that you are proud of. Make this the year and the season you put yourself first.
It doesn’t mean you are neglecting your loved one. It means you love them enough to be your best self. It means that you have to protect your energy so you can be present and engaged in their care.
When you write that word or words on your mirror or in your journal each day, you are giving you the self-love and self-compassion you need. And if you fall off that focus or drain your cup, the words will bring you back if you allow them to.
This year my friend is going to be the year you choose your journey. I will be here with you every step of the way.
I want to continue to help women caring for their loved one fill their cup first by finding their personal steps to reduce stress and prevent burnout And when they do that, they can be their best self and a better caregiver for their loved one.
Happy New Year.
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Today we’re talking about this dreaded caregiver disease: Burnout. I know it’s not officially a disease but it is the hazard of caregiving.
Think about it, all professions have downfalls, risks or hazards.
- Reba McEntire postponed her concerts in November to rest her vocal cords
- My daughter-in-law is a teacher and is at higher risks of respiratory infections
- Working Mom fight priorities and expectations, sleep deprivation and managing time effectively.
What do all three of theses examples have in common? Burnout.
Burnout is the hazard of the caregiver role. But you can take measures to overcome it or avoid it. Yes. that’s what I said.
It breaks my heart when I hear caregivers say: It is what it is. I can’t. I’m the only one. I can do this . My vows say for better or for worse.
Is your caregiving unhealthy and becoming a hazard? What is caregiving i costing you?
The obvious one is the impact of caregiving on your personal time
Another is the impact caregiving can have on your income or job advancement
This ones a biggie: Impacts of caregiving on your physical health
Then there’s the whole emotional cost of caregiving.
I’m not telling you this to bring you down. Heck, I want this to motivate you to fight like all hell to get out of burnout or avoid it.
If you are still telling yourself you can’t or you’re stuck, then you really need to ask yourself why and find the inner strength to change.
I want you to really take a seriously look at yourself right now. Embrace and hug yourself for doing a dam good job as a caregiver. Now I want you accelerate your caregiver game.
- Are you taking care of yourself?
- What about asking for help?
- Embrace joy.
There is a difference between providing loving care vs unhealthy caregiving.
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It’s the week before Christmas and I thought I would do a bit of reflection about this gift giving season. As a caregiver, this holiday season may be different.
That’s why today, I want to talk about the 7 gifts of Caregiving. Those you receive from others and yourself as well as those you give.
- You're giving a very special and amazing gift to your loved one.
- The gift of love. You give it and receive it.
- The love you give to yourself.
- Love from others.
- Community of support.
- The gift of your team.
- The small moments of joy.
I believe, whatever your situation is like, you have gifts. Embrace them and be grateful. My challenge for you today, is to open up to the little gifts you received and take action on gifts you can give. My favorite gifts are small but mighty. Find yours
May your holiday be blessed with warm memories, happy thoughts and amazing small gifts.
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A year ago, I was so angry and resentful
I remember it was a struggle. He was getting chemotherapy and I was wrapping my head around his stem cell transplant. And, celebrating the holidays was a complete blur but I do remember how angry I was.
I was angry and resentful about cancer. I was angry at the stress it was causing. I was angry that I had to go through this stuff again.
It took me weeks to let go of the anger and embrace all my feelings. It was ok to be angry BUT I couldn’t stay there since it was sucking all the energy out of me.
What’s the difference between anger and resentment?
Feelings of anger and resentment often occur together, and though similar, they’re actually two different things.
Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Often, it’s a split-second reaction that occurs due to an irritating or frustrating event or situation.
Resentment is more complex in that it occurs over time and incorporates several emotions like sadness, anger, and fear. Instead of being a reaction to a single event or situation, it’s a culmination of painful or disappointing feelings from the past, that make it difficult to remain present.
As a caregiver, it’s easy to fluctuate between these two emotions. For example, you might feel angry if a loved one has an accident after you spent time and energy helping them to the bathroom. At the same time, you might feel resentful because every waking moment revolves around their care.
Anger and resentment are common emotions, but when they infiltrate your personal relationships it can feel like the world is crumbling.
Iceberg Model
Anger is called the secondary emotion. We tend to resort to anger because we are covering up the real feelings which may sometimes vulnerable. Under the water the iceberg is usually bigger. Some emotions beneath anger may be difficult to identify, admit or discuss. But when we really look under the water at the anger iceberg, we can uncover and mange our anger. Anger has many triggers, such as people, places or situations.
When you take a step back and ask yourself questions to explore, you can really find out why you’re angry and why the resentment is so strong. Ask yourself these questions:
- What is the root cause of the anger?
- What triggers your anger?
- What happens when you get angry?
- Is my anger healthy?
- What's on the bottom of the iceberg?
Then.. how can you cope with the root cause(s)?
I went right back to the basics of what I have done over and over again: focusing on gratitude, walking each day, talking to my community and finding joy in the little things.
This caregiver journey is not easy but when you have figured out YOUR shifts and plans to implement in those challenging times, you CAN make it through with JOY. It’s all about being the best caregiver you can be.
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We as caregiver don’t get that many good days, let alone good weeks.
I want to talk more about this bowling thing I joined. Why in the world would I bowl when I know nothing about this game and I was deep into caregiver, right?
My best friend, Julie asked me during the summer if I would consider doing something fun with her one day a week during the winter months. My thoughts and guilt said no. How could I when my Mom’s lung cancer came back, Denis was still recovering from his stem cell transplant and I could barely juggle everything else.
But my friend convinced me that we could find something that didnt’ take a lot of time and we could just get away from everything for a bit.
With a little convincing, I said yes. Julie found a non-competitive mixers bowling league on Wednesdays that were from 5-6pm I went to a practice night and met everyone and it seamed comfortable and fun.
However, honestly, I didn’t like bowling because I totally stunk at it. It seemed hard and after the practice night, every muscle ached.
I remember my Mom telling me, that this would be good for you.
My first official night was hard. My mind and heart were with my Mom in hospice care. I bowled 84, 86 and 92. Well.. I definitely was a rookie and had room for improvement. The next week, I had one game over 100, barely.
As the weeks went on I got better and starting enjoying the time with Julie and the other teams we met.
Now I look forward to that time out and come back from bowling with a spring in my step. I took a deep breath last week in the car, had tears running down my eyes because bowling brings me joy. And it gave me something fun to focus on.
I found myself look at bowling videos which was a nice distraction.
It’s ok to have fun and enjoy yourself as a caregiver. Even in the hardest times of your caregiving journey. You don’t have to feel guilty for it.
I call this a shift that has changed me in my caregiving journey. These are things you try to less your stress and reduce that burnout that creeps in.
Another shift that I made about a year into my journey was find a community. Check out the Caregiver Cup Circle and join the waitlist. The December Circle is in progress but we will open up registration again right after Christmas for just a week.
My last shift I want to share with you (and if you are on my email list, you may have heard this). It’s one that I started just a few months ago. You know what it is?!
Hugging yourself.
Well, my friend, I wish you more good days than bad. More joy than stress and More hugs than tears. Remember to keep your cup full. When you fill your cup each day, you’ll be able to be a better version of yourself.
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In today’s episode, I’m talking about those unexpected challenges that come up while you are deep into caregiving. Those ones that you just want to throw in the towel or run away. But instead your forced into dealing with whether you want to or not.
If you do it all everything yourself, what happens - stress, overwhelm, exhaustion and then your emotions start up - you get angry, and even resentful You feel lonely and not appreciated. You get frustrated and overwhelmed with all you have to do. It becomes a downward spiral to burnout.
Burnout defined as “A state of emotional and physical exhaustion caused by a prolonged period of stress and frustration.
Check outEpisode 21: The 3 Stage of Caregiver StressWhat can you do to find your team?
Listen toEpisode 96: Why Asking For Help As Caregiver is Hard? When you release and reduce the stressors, you protect yourself from Caregiver Burnout. When you embrace your thoughts and feeling and let go of the negative thoughts and untrue thoughts, you protect yourself from Caregiver Burnout.
When you are in Caregiver Burnout, you let those feelings that don’t help you. Like Anger and Resentment. Like Fatigue and Exhaustion. And like Isolation and Loneliness.
If you are there or on the track towards it… you can reverse it.
I want to help by offering my free workshop calledGOODBYE Caregiver Burnout. I’m sharing 3 of my shifts that took me from stress to more joy from burnout to gratitude.
Registration is open for the free workshop, *Goodbye Caregiver Burnout (3 Shifts To Less Stress and More Joy)
*Click the link to register now<<
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Celebrations look different now as a Caregiver. Learning and finding new ways to find joy and gratitude takes a bit of time and a mindset shift.
When life is challenging and your loved one is sick, you sometimes have to accept that things will be different. But, you don’t have to stop celebrating. You just have to celebrate them differently. Meaning making them special, with small moments of joy with simplicity.
As you and I move into the Holidays, my hope is that you think differently about celebrations and your expectations.
You have to come to the reality that you will have to adapt and change. Your loved one is not doing this on purpose. Their illness or disease is holding them back. I remember being so angry and resentful instead of just accepting the reality of this season. It’s ok to have a low key birthday, anniversary, Christmas, New Years Eve, other holidays, etc.
Some of our best celebrations and memories are just simple ones. The small moments together. Those are the ones we remember the most and it brings us the most joy.
Registration is open for the free workshop, *Goodbye Caregiver Burnout (3 Shifts To Less Stress and More Joy)
*Click the link to register now<<
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In this challenging time I needed to expand my gratitude practice. Gratitude is a powerful catalyst for releasing stress and sparking joy.
I’m not suggesting you should suck it up and be thankful no matter how tough things get. Gratitude is about noticing that there are always some positive things in your life, no matter how dark things may seem.
If just journaling gratitude isn't working, there are so many ways to cultivate your gratitude emotions. Hopefully, you can make it a habit that translates into a trait.
You're invited! Join The Caregiver Cup Circle today. This membership starts December6.
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Do you want to hear the ONE habit I started one month into my caregiving journey that has made a huge difference in my caregiver stress and mindset. I truly believe I am able to cope with challenges and struggles better. No matter how hard things are, I have trained my brain and can shift my mindset. In this episode, I’m sharing my personal daily habit I do each day. It’s simple and impactful.
After a month of worry, sleepless nights, negative thoughts and feeling depressed, I made the decision to take control of my thoughts.
The practice was pretty easy…. Each day write down 5 things you are grateful for.
- When - determine time of day
- Where - find a quiet space
- Writing it down
- Results will come but with commitment, persistence and patience
Incorporating the Journaling gratitude habit has helped my caregiver stress and mindset. It takes 5 minutes each day and has an amazing impact on my mood, outlook and day-to-day stress levels.
The second thing I did was reach out to a caregiver community. It was so valuable to speak with other caregivers who are going through similar experiences, stressors and challenges. That’s why I created The Caregiver Cup Circle.
Bio, history, purpose
Support the showThank you for listening. Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
November is National Family Caregiver Month and National Gratitude Month.
National Gratitude Month encourages us to embrace the power of gratitude. Gratitude is more than simply saying “thank you.” Gratitude’s amazing powers have the ability to shift us from focusing on the negative to appreciating what is positive in our lives. Practicing daily gratitude gives us a deeper connection to ourselves, the world around us, and to our spirituality.
Research has shown that gratitude can enhance our moods, decrease stress, and drastically improve our overall level of health and wellbeing. On average, grateful people tend to have fewer stress-related illnesses and experience less depression and lowered blood pressure, they are more physically fit, they are happier, have a higher income, more satisfying personal and professional relationships, and will be better liked.
National Family Caregivers Month recognizes the dedication of family members who provide round the clock care to loved ones. When medical conditions demand attention, family steps into roles, they are often unprepared to accept. They become caregivers instead of partners or friends. Sometimes this change occurs suddenly or over time.
Caregivers rarely have time for themselves. There’s always another thing to be done. However, a caregiver requires rest, too.
So this month, I want to spend time on The Caregiver Cup episodes to talk about one of the best practices you can incorporate into your daily routine and that is gratitude.
Gratitude is the human way of acknowledging the good things of life. But you just can’t say I am grateful and you see positivity and feel happier. It requires a practice and you need to want to do it.
It’s a muscle you have to build. Then it requires practice to do it naturally and the result will lead to a mindset that focuses on positivity, good and more happiness.
“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.” Zig Ziglar
Bio, history, purpose
Support the showThank you for listening. Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
**In this episode, I want to share the caregiver task you don’t think about. When your loved one passes, you think your journey is done, but wait, you have a laundry list of things to do. You are grieving, planning their funeral and/or celebration of life and you have these dreaded tasks to do too.
So today I want to share everything I did in hopes you can learn from me and maybe even do some things prior. My disclaimer is that I am not a lawyers or accountant. It’s just a girl sharing my experiences. You want to check with your attorney, bank and any other professional sources when making decisions.**Click here for the full episode notes.
Bio, history, purpose
Support the showThank you for listening. Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
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Being aware of what caregiver season you are in, will help you in many ways. In this episode we're breaking down each season.
- LOW / GREEN
- MEDIUM / YELLOW
- HIGH / RED
Are you in a low, medium or high this week?
If you are in that high season right now. Remember the color it is. Red means that you may need to stop doing things and prioritize what’s most important. It may require you to ask for help and most importantly grant yourself grace. Your focus is in the present.
If you are in the low, you may be able to take a breath and enjoy yourself more.
I personally find the medium, the hardest. Your emotions and thoughts want to be in low and you tend to be hard on myself. When you're in the middle, you have to shift and adjust more.
As you enter your day and week, my hope is that you assess where you are at. That way you can realistically be at your best. Your caregiver stress will be different in each season. Your self-care will look different in each level.
It’s a constant learning process and an awareness. But you can make choices for yourself in each season.
Bio, history, purpose
Support the showThank you for listening. Follow me by clicking on the links below:
- CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
- Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️
- If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
I want to share this episode for anyone who’s loved one is in hospice and/or dealing with their loved one’s end of life. It is one of the toughest, most exhausting and challenging times as a caregiver. If you are going through this right now or are about to go through this soon or have gone through this, please know that I am sending you a huge hug and I also am telling you that you are providing such a beautiful gift to your loved one.
As tough as this journey was, I learned so much about myself and have so many beautiful moments to look back on in that last month and most importantly those last 10 days.
As I continue to process this journey, I am looking at the end to my Caregiver Daughter journey as a gift.
- I focused on gratitude for Mom’s caregiving team. The hospice nurses, my siblings, her spiritual team, and the doctor consults behind the scene
- Learned to ask for help and leaned on others.
- Self-care looks different - I couldn’t do my normal routine and really didn’t have the focus and energy. I learned to grant myself grace and go with the flow.
- In challenging times we all react different.
- Accept your emotions.
- Set expectations and have those hard conversations
- Embrace the amazingly good memories in the hardest of times.
I know there will be more to reflect on and process as time goes on.
When you start caring for your elderly parent, or your loved one with a terminal illness, you try not to think about those last days. But they will come. My hope is that you look at those remaining months, weeks or days as a gift you can give to them. What things can you say or do to create some beautiful memories that will stay in your heart forever. It can be as simple as kissing your loved one and sharing a few words with them. It could be coming together with your siblings or friends and sitting by your loved ones side, even if the past wasn’t the most ideal. You want to embrace the beauty of your caregiving journey vs the sad and ugly.
You also want to grant yourself grace too. You can’t be at your best if you don’t get some sleep, hydrate and eat. Taking a shower with some music on helped me escape for a few minutes. Eating on the patio outside my mom’s room gave me a mini break. Whatever you can do - find a bit of self-care
Bio, history, purpose
Support the showJoin the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
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In today's podcast episode, I interviewed Jess Brooks who is a recipe developer and pro-trained cook and baker. Jess is on a mission to help busy people cook healthy meals for their families without spending hours in the kitchen. Jess shares her tips and practices on prepping meals simpler and easier so that you, as a caregiver, can get back your time and energy. She shares unique ways to spend less time in the kitchen and more time with your loved one.
You can follow Jess and find more info at easyeats.substack.com and jess@brookscooks.com
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode129
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
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It was time for the final consultation for my spouse;s stem cell/ bone marrow transplant. It was in personin Milwaukee requiring us to travel 2 hours for it. We had it on our calendar for months. It was the final step prior to Denis getting the cure he needed. About 2 days prior I wasn’t feeling the greatest and I thought it was the nerves. But the fatigue got worse and then came the fever. I was so frustrated since I was a hand sanitizer, mask wearing, clorox wipe kinda girl. I avoided crowds and declined guests in our home for 6 months.
I knew what I had to do. Stay isolated in the bedroom and I can’t drive in the car with my spouse.
Again, I was so angry and frustrated. I had to be there but there was no way. So figured out a back up plan .
What is your back up plan if you can’t do your caregiver responsibilities?
You can’t say - you don’t have a plan? There is no guarantee that you can be there all the time. Only four in 10 caregivers would rate their health as “excellent or very good,” according to AARP’s 2020 Caregiving in the U.S. survey. This is a significant drop from the 48% of caregivers who reported very good health in 2015.
This self-reported poor health is backed by medical statistics — 53% of caregivers have been diagnosed with two or more chronic conditions, such as heart disease, kidney disease, or diabetes. That’s 14% higher than the general U.S. adult population, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). These chronic conditions contribute to lower caregiver life expectancy.
I was brought to my knees again this past week. I ended up with a terrible stomach flu where I couldn’t be far from the bathroom and my pillow for three days.
I thought I was being so careful with managing my new stressful challenge of Mom now starting hospice care but my take on it is that I am still trying to recover from chronic stress and my body just couldn’t fight a virus.
As I laid there trying to recover, I had to give into my thoughts and emotions as well as taking this as a learning lesson.
- How could I caregive anyone if I am not taking care of myself first. I needed the rest and recovery time.
- Things will just have to wait
- What changes could I make to reduce illness?
- Shift your mindset
- Do I have a back up plan?
Way too many times, I hear my clients say, there is no one else, It’s me. I just want you to take a hard look at yourself and your situation. There may be a time where you can’t and it may not even be your fault or your choice.
Find your team. Ask for help. Reach out to a neighbor, friend or family member. It could be as simple as, watching for a package that your parent is expected to get today. To someone offers to pick up groceries at the store. Take them up on it.Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode128
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
I woke up this morning and felt like I was walking in mud. Everything seemed to be little struggles slowing me down. One of my shoe laces broke, then couldn’t find my ear buds, having to run around the house looking for them, the dogs were barking in the garage waiting for mom, I walked outside, realizing I needed a sweatshirt and then finally on my walk. Well on my walk, the dogs stop and do their duties. I carry little bags with me to pick up their do do. Guess what, the bag had a hole in it. Yuck.
When you have these kind of days, your brain keeps playing tricks on you. You start believing the universe is out to get you. When they’re really just minor challenges. But what did I do, I got frustrated, angry and my internal body starts stressing. Within minutes of getting frustrated, I had to talk with my inner brain and tell her that this. Why am I wasting my energy on a hole in the bag. When am I wasting my energy on my ear buds missing.
As a caregiver you’re bound to experience challenges and frustrations each day. It’s inevitable, but when you experience these, my wish is that your do the work and pause and ask yourself, what and why.
What is causing me to stress? What is my mind telling me? Why am I using this energy to stress?
I’ve been truly working on this each and every day. I want to choose my responses to stress. I want to choose how much energy I want to put into the challenge?
You have a choice each morning, each moment and each evening.
This week, my mom, brother and I made the choice to get a hospice consult. Mom is lung cancer is progressing and her fatigue, pain and malnutrition is getting the best of her.
Here I go again, I thought to myself. I started feeling all the worry, frustration, grief and uncertainty. But now that I understand chronic stress, how my body responds and more, I can take charge of me during this time. Accepting that my mind wants to go to the negative thoughts which are meant out of love and feelings for my mom. But I also know I need to take care of myself. I’m much more experienced in this caregiving world. I know how the bad stress will affect me.
So I spend a couple days journaling. What I don’t want during this difficult time. At the bottom of the page, I wrote - I want to be a daughter first. Then, I flipped the page over and journaled how I could manage this challenging time.
You can start this practice anytime, my friend. You don’t have to wait for the next challenge. Grab that journal or go for a walk or sit with your favorite beverage and reflect on what you really want to be during this time. How you want to reach it? You can choose a healthy, joyful caregiving experience and when challenges come, you can process them.
It takes imperfect effort and work. But when you take step towards it, you will feel better
Be courageous and choose your way.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode127
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
Welcome To The Caregiver Cup Podcast. My name is Cathy VandenHeuvel. I’m so glad you found this podcast. As a caregiver myself, I know how important it is to find a community that understands all the challenges of juggling all the caregiving responsibilities, how isolated you can feel, and how stress and burnout can affect your mind and body. But I know how rewarding and what a beautiful gift it is to take care of your loved one.
I was months into my caregiving journey where I found myself sitting in my car at a local park crying and banging on the steering wheel. I was so tired, emotional and felt stuck. I wanted my old life back and just wanted to run away. I realized I didn’t take a breath and was in auto-pilot and put my life on hold.
People would remind me “don’t forget to take care of yourself”. I would smile and then get angry thinking - how do I do that when the two men in my life were diagnosed with Stage 4 cancers and they needed my support.
Fast forward 2 years, I was managing better by adding healthy routines in my life - journaling gratitude, morning walks and trying to eat healthy. But the caregiver stress was still there and was now chronic.
I started reaching out to other caregivers, support groups and reading about this caregivers stress and what it does to you. At that point, I knew I had to use my voice to share this. In October of 2020, I started the Caregiver Cup Podcast. My hope is that if I found one person, like you and you could relate and take just one thought or nugget from my podcast, that I was helping.
In the first year of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, I shared what I knew, where I was at in my journey and most importantly researched and practiced new habits right with the caregiver Cup Community that was forming.
Now fast forward my 5th year of caregiving, specifically early 2022. I was challenged even more with my spouse going through a bone marrow transplant and my Mom entering hospice care. My anger turned to resentment. My frustration turned to an attitude of not caring. I felt hopeless. I was withdrawn and avoided my friends. I was not a nice person to be around. No matter what I was doing physically my body wasn’t getting healthier. My negative thoughts convinced me that nothing will ever change.
Until…. I found my community. There is so much magic in finding other caregivers that “get it”. People that understand it. I realized I isolated myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. I really think connecting with community opened the door for me seeing the importance of the causes of my caregiver stress and caregiver burnout and why I couldn’t find a way to release and heal.
Today I’m continuing to work on my healthy boundaries, finding habits to live in the present and practicing self-love. You can’t be at your best if you don’t put yourself first. And you and I define “our best self” differently. Now I walk to that park, and embrace that moment each day.
Im excited to soon celebrate my second year in The Caregiver Cup podcast helping burnout caregiver find their best self in this challenging time If you feel exhausted, my hope is that you find your energy. If you feel anger or resentment, my hope is you understand why and then take steps to shift your thoughts. If you feel lonely, my hope is that you think of me as your friend. If you feel stuck and burnt out, my hope is that you can take a breath and look for ways to rest.
Welcome again to the Caregiver Cup Podcast. I would appreciate it if you like this introduction, you hit the follow button and give me a rating.
In today’s podcast episode, we are tying it together. Last week’s episode 125 was about understanding chronic caregiver stress (the science of why stress happens, how it happens and the impacts it has on our health. Shortly, you will hear some habits/practices you can incorporate to wind back and retrain your vagus nerve and heal. But one of the biggest ahha moments was what I missed.
I started incorporating new practices and wasn’t feeling or seeing any change. I went back and did more research and realized I didn’t focus on my thoughts, beliefs and mind. When I started paying attention to my core beliefs and retraining my brain, that’s where I started feeling different.
It’s amazing how you need to go through the process. My hope is that this will make you examine your thoughts first and then start finding habits that go together.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode125
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
In this episode, I’m sharing the “whats”, “whys” and “hows” - meaning when you understand chronic stress and are aware of where you are at, then you can start making changes to improve. In today’s world, everyone wants a quick fix and the bad news about chronic stress is that there isn’t a magic pill or a quick solution to reverse this. But the good news is there are practices where you can shift your habits to improve this.When we are stressed, the body shifts its resources from maintaining homeostasis, that happy place of well-being and balance, to protecting itself. Stress is unavoidable (just trying to avoid it would stress you out!) Normative stress (ie) is a natural part of life: birth, death, marriage, breakups, job loss - these are all part of the human experience. As an adaptive response, we develop coping strategies to help us return to our normal baseline. We may seek support, learning to self-soothe, and trying to get our nervous system to homeostasis (that happy place of well-being and balance) When we move from stress to normal baseline is allostasis. This allows us to develop resilience.
The body’s stress response is a fight or flight mechanism. This is probably familiar to you. Fighting and fleeing are two of the body’s instinctual, automatic reactions to stress. The 3rd is freezing. I met with my friend Amy last Friday over lunch to talk about this - and she made a great point of saying that these flight, flight and freeze responses are a way that our body keeps us safe. Normal stress is good - it helps us grow and adapt
But chronic stress - meaning it’s constant and persists wears down and harms every system in our body. In some cases of chronic stress, our adrenal glands release cortisol and other stress hormones, such as adrenaline, continuously.
Stress also activates the immune system by getting signals that we’re living in a near constant threat state, it repeatedly sends out chemicals that cause inflammation to our body. I think of these chemicals like a fire starter increasing our risk of developing autoimmune diseases, chronic pain and other things like heart disease to cancer.
Inflammation occurs all over the body and may even affect our brain. The impact of stress and trauma on our immune system and brain that scientists are looking into the mind-body connection called psychoneuroimmunology. Inflammation of the brain has been identified in various forms from depression and anxiety to outright psychosis. When you don’t resolve the stress or trauma and chronic stress becomes reality, your body adjusts and stays in this nervous system mode and stress responds further with other conditions. Meaning you continue to keep developing other conditions like depression, high blood pressure, heart issues, weight gain and more.
It’s this interesting?! Are you thinking about when your stress moved to chronic stress and even move, how did it respond?
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode125
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
Do you remember the date? The date you became a caregiver for your loved one? It’s not the date you celebrate or the date you really want to remember. But it is the day your life changed.
It’s not a profession or career we look forward to or go to school for. As I think back in my youth, I never played house as a caregiver (it was usually mom, doctor and once in a while I played Alice from the Brady Bunch). As a side bar, I think our youth should be more aware that as adults we may have to be a caregiver.
DID YOU KNOW? There are approximately 40 million family caregivers in the United States
Can you pinpoint that day/time when you took on the role of caregiver? I bet you didn’t even think about yourself. You were focused on your loved one. It may even seem like a big blur since it’s been such a shock or traumatic event.
Once the shock, information and initial days settle in, you now start thinking about all the questions. What will the future look like? How do I do this? How do I fit this into my life now?What type of care does your loved one need? Your commitments? And much more.
In this episode, you'll get my 8 personal practices that I incorporated into my caregiver life. These were my experiences and lessons learned. My hope is a few of these will make your life easier, reduce stress and/or challenge you to think differently
- Stay prepared by asking questions by recording your thoughts and questions in notebook, the notes on your phone or place to list them out.
- Put all contacts in your phone.
- Have a strategy to handle communicating with family and friends.
- Assess your current situation and determine what your priorities are and where you can get help.
- Find you insurance and financial advocate.
- Find a caregiver community. You will need to lean on support. Family and friends will help but no one understands caregiving as much as other caregivers.
- Focus on the right self-care for you at this time.
- Focus on positive and gratitude. Your negative thoughts will want to take over and those thoughts aren't always true.
As you and I keep going in our caregiving journeys, we learn more about ourselves and find more ways to be more efficient, courageous and resilient during this time. We test out things and find new ways of being a better caregiver.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode124
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
What about your personal space or maybe I should say, lack of personal space now that you are a caregiver? When you become a caregiver, your space changes.
- Does your kitchen cupboard now look like a pharmacy counter?
- What about your bathroom, do you have durable medical equipment like handrails, bath seats and maybe you have bandages, ointment and creams sitting out?
- Or maybe the kitchen table or your office desk now has medical bills and paper work?
- What about your calendar - is it filled with appointments and reminders?
So your tidy home is cluttered with evidence of your loved one’s illness or declining health.
Combine that with your stress and ever-growing list of responsibilities, any thought of your personal space becomes a thing of the past.
Making the time for respite or to recharge is important, but finding a quiet, clean spot in your own home where you can decompress is a challenge for far too many caregivers. Even in the most organized home, there are always little reminders of looming responsibilities and lingering tasks yet to be done.
Listen to this episode where we talk about making your persona space yours and finding the time to use it.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode122
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
Loving yourself is an integral part of establishing healthy boundaries. Yet for women caregivers, we don’t always listen to ourselves and make improvements.
If we don’t, it leads to health issues, fatigue, burnout and more.
The first step is identifying your healthy boundaries by looking at your challenges and causes. Then ask yourself, if it’s due to unhealthy boundaries.
The next is focus on one. Find the one you really feel passionate about. The one that you need the most. For example, If you are exhausted and feel tired all the time. Then list out why you think you are tired. Write them all down.
Now you are ready to take action. Your healthy boundaries is something personal and you need to buy into it. Drawing a boundary is one of the highest expressions of self-love.
The more you love yourself in real and tangible ways, the more you will trust yourself. Life is so much better when you have your own back.
The energy that comes from self-awareness, self-care and self-love is immeasurable. When you are true to yourself and make empowered decisions to set healthy boundaries, you are able to give genuinely to yourself, your loved one and be the best version of yourself.
I know what you are thinking. Your mind is telling you, I can’t, it’s too hard, there is no-one that can help. Your mind is talking you out of it. My friend, it’s fear that’s talking to you. It your people pleaser tendencies that’s talking you out of it.
Instead, let your heart, courage and will-power walk you towards joy and self-love for you. You look out for your loved one’s best interests - now you have to look after yourself too.
Your level of self-love sets the bar for everything - your relationship with your loved one, your joy in this journey, your success in juggling everything, your decision making, - you fill in the blank. So Aim high.
Now this won’t make all your challenges go away but you can control your health and well-being so you can feel good about your caregiving.
I want you to give yourself permission to explore doing things differently, to change your mind, to say no, to laugh, to sing, to smile, to feel happy, to simply be. You can make decisions for you first. You can put yourself first.
I’m challenging you and cheering you on this week to identify a personal boundary you want to work on and that small step. Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode122
Listen to another great episode on healthy boundaries : ➡️https://www.cathylvan.com/episode121
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
When you are trying to set healthy boundaries for yourself sometime those feelings and emotions start creeping in. They can derail you from actually setting those healthy boundaries. In this episode, we break down the what an external and internal healthy boundary is.
If you set boundaries with others (like your loved one, family, friends, etc) you are setting external boundaries telling them how you will or won’t interact with them.
Internal boundaries dictate how you interact with yourself.
When you are setting healthy internal boundaries meaning you are committed to yourself, it requires self-knowledge and strength to follow through on your own word and promise to yourself. Your internal boundaries dictate the limits you place on experiences and feelings you allow within yourself. They directly reflect the health of your relationship with yourself.
When your boundaries are tested or broken, emotions may set in. Or, when you break your own internal boundaries, you start self-sabotaging yourself. In the Boundary Boss book, from Terri Cole, she states one is The Blame-Shame-Guilt Trifecta. These are the fear driven emotions that kick our self-respect and self-esteem.
There is healthy guilt meaning it can actually motivate you towards positive action and self-correction. If you feel guilty, you can make peace with it, apologize, or take responsibility for your actions which improve your self-worth. We all make mistakes and freeing ourselves and cleaning them up is needed.
But unhealthy or toxic guilt is a different beast. The book says it’s related to disordered international boundaries, such as take guilt on for other people’s feelings or situations, which are beyond your control. Think about how exhausting this can be. It may stem from your past, culture and/ or people pleasing tendencies.
You and I both have to set healthy boundaries and especially internal healthy boundaries. It's important to put yourself first to be that healthy, effective caregiver.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode121
Listen to another great episode on guilt: ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode41
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
Today, you’re in for a great episode. I’m taking a break from my solo episode and bringing in a guest today. It’s so important to get little nudges and reminders to take care of yourself. Today’s guest is a health coach for women over 50 and my Canadian Instragram friend. Lynn shares the importance of moving your body each day through her coaching and also shares how important it is to fuel your body with the right foods.
If you are putting your health on hold or not taking time for yourself, you risk so many health issues both physically and mentally. In my first year as a caregiver, I gained 30 pounds, developed IBS and struggled with depression. Once I found a good morning routine and focused on eating the right foods, I started feeling more energy and joy.
Don’t get me wrong, I struggle on those hard days, but taking care of yourself can keep you grounded.
I encourage you to listen with an open mind and take the nuggets that may help you. It may be her suggestions on morning habits or what to pack when you are at a doctor’s appointment or how to fit in the time when your life is super busy.
What I love about our conversation Lynn allowed me to ask the questions I think you and I would ask.
I will add Lynn’s info in the show notes. Enjoy today’s episode with Lynn McPherson, a super lady, good friend and a health coach for women over 50
You can followLynn on Instagram @lynn_macpherson26Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode120
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
Have you said: I have no time. I can't manage it all. My to-do list is never ending. How do I get this all done?
In this episode, I'm breaking it all done: What is time management? Why don’t caregivers have enough time? What the root cause is? And most importantly, how do you management your time?
Time management is making the most of the time you have. You have 24 hours in the day. These are the times you have to work your job or business, this is the time you have to take care of my loved one’s care whether that be doctor's appointments, nursing needs and finances. You also have to get in cleaning the house, laundry, grocery shopping and more. How can you get these done effectively? How do you utilize that time? That’s what time management is in your busy caregiver life.
Time management and feeling behind is actually a symptom or a sign of the condition. symptom, it will keep coming back. Treating the symptom is a great option for now and can help us get through a hard season but it’s not a long term solution. The long term solution happens over time and takes work, effort and sometimes is frustrating because all we want is it to be fixed now.
But when you really look at the root cause of your stress, it’s not really a time management issue - is it? You have to start with a core foundation of making your care a priority. When you put yourself first and love yourself you can be more productive, a better caregiver and find more joy.
When you focus on you it’s going to give you more energy. It’s like a well oiled machine, like a car. When you take care of yourself, everything will go smoother, faster and easier.
Steps to managing your time:
- Who do you really want to be? How do you want to show up as a caregiver?
- Start managing your calendar and put yourself down as a priority.
- Find efficiencies
- Ask for help
- Find your focus
I would encourage you to set a goal each month. Then lay out a plan for each week.
Great resources regarding time management
- Episode 20: Caregiver Hacks to Find More Time
- Episode 25: Pruning Your Caregiver Challenges and Overwhelm
- Episode 59: The Importance Of Recharging Each Day
- Episode 96: Why Asking For Help Is Hard
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode119
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
ok, let's get real this week - how are you currently showing up as a caregiver? Do you feel energy and joy? Or do you feel drained and exhausted?
You are providing a beautiful gift as a caregiver and you should be proud of yourself. But if it's consuming every ounce of your energy, time and identify, it's time to redirect things. You can't keep going without energy and fun. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be vibrant.
You can take care of your loved one with the best possible care and love them, but you also have to take care of yourself with love and giver yourself the best possible care.
It's possible - to live a caregiver life with joy, spark and vibrant energy. It's also possible to have your passions, goals and time away.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode118
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
1:1 Coaching ➡️ DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
This is Part 2. Identifying your burnout is key and being aware of your physical and emotional signs (or your lack of thoughts, actions or words).
Figuring out the why will help you better understand how to reduce your burnout.
In this episode, I'm going through the vital steps to understand why and move you towards your own action:
- Focus and live in the present
- Accepting your situation and circumstances
- Finding meaning in your challenges and struggles
- Working on managing your energy
- Starting with quiet activities to reduce stress
Stress is inevitable, but you need to assess it by asking:
- Am I creating this stress?
- What caused the stress?
- How do I respond to stress?
- Can I improve the stress going forward?
Burnout can't be reduced overnight. It will feel messy, uncomfortable, emotional and scary. But when you take micro steps and celebrate each little win, you will see progress.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode117
Download ➡️ 3 Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm
Take the ➡️ Caregiver Quiz
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
Burnout is easy to identify if you really reflect on your thoughts, actions, and the words you say to yourself or others.
Words you say:
- Things will be ok when my loved one feels better
- I just have to get through the next week and I have a day off to catch up.
Actions:
- You feel exhausted, emotional or irritable. A little challenge sets you off - ie: driving the car, or forgetting the keys, or you snappping at your loved one.
- Your to-do list stresses you out. You try to replan it but the load is still too heavy
Thoughts:
- You think about escaping. wish you could pack your bag and run away
- You don’t like your loved one (resentment) and then you feel guilty for feeling this way
But the reality is that you are a caregiver. The universe is not conspiring against you, no one is trying to put these road blocks in your way intentionally Caregiving and its challenges are just happening. How you choose to look at things- ultimately determines your stress level.
But if you let the stress get the best of you - it will lead to burnout. And there is a cost to burnout.
So the big question is, how do you show up as an effective and passionate caregiver , and not burn out.
Grab the show notes here ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode116
Download ➡️ 3 Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm
Take the ➡️ Caregiver Quiz
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
In today's episode, I'm sharing a story where I overcame my biggest fears and the lessons I learned about mindset. These lessons regarding fear, the stories we tell ourselves and reframing your mindset have helped me as a caregiver too. Hope you enjoy it.
As a caregiver, I want you to reflect on these questions:
- what fears stand in your way?
- what stories are you telling yourself?
- how could you reframe your thoughts?
- what does your new normal look like?
- what shifts do you have to make to feel good about your new normal? Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here?
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode115
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
I was really debating how to start this podcast this week. Meaning should I do the cautious and gentle start or should I just come out and say it. Well since I care so deeply for you and i know you need to hear this, I am not going to sugar coat it. You may disagree with me and that’s ok. Our roles of caregiving are very different and our situations are very different. But what is the same is that we control our mindset and we can choose how we think and feel.
So, here it is: Many people say, I am just going to survive and it’s all about survival during this caregiving season. I disagree. It’s not like you are on a little boat in the middle of the ocean with sharks around you. It’s not like you’re stuck in a blizzard in your car and buried.
I know these are extreme examples. But I hope you get it.
Your loved one may be in an extreme situation and trying to make it one more day. But YOU can make micro changes and shifts to help yourself.
But in your defense and mine as well, we may not be able to see that. It may be so hard, so dark, so intense, that we say things like - I can’t, there is no other choice, I’m stuck, this is my life or it is what it is.Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here.
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode114
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
In this episode, we're talking about something we don’t normally talk about but it is something we think about more often than necessary. When things don’t go well or when challenges happen, our brain likes to go to that “bad” side. It’s funny how our brains like to think the worst and we spend all that time in our heads with negativity, anxiety, sadness and worry.
One of the biggest mistakes I see caregivers make when they are juggling it all and extremely exhausted is that they start giving in to the overwhelm and their own stress.
Why do you think the worst? Why are you so hard on ourselves? Stop beating yourself up for something you forgot or missed. Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here.
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode113
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
I had the complete pleasure of interviewing Kelly Carthy. She has over 20 years experience working with influential business leaders and organizations around the world. Kelly is passionate about facilitating and empowering change. By delivering key strategies that support leaders to be more present and discerning so they can drive effective outcomes with less clutter and confusion.
In our conversation together, she shared her powerful story of where things were falling apart. It was so bad that she was losing her hair, anxiety and panic attacks and she was in denial. You will hear how it took years to recover - but she did. Kelly shares so many good tips and powerful statements that I listened to this several times to capture it all. Just a few of many great points she shares:
"We're not really great at receiving. We lack receiving our own gifts. When that balance tips, and we're constantly in that giving space. We feel like there's never enough time."
"I was looking after the one thing that I do have control over, and that was my myself. I have to find a way or there is a way. There's always a way there's always another way."
"Caregivers are overwhelmed. Yeah. If they're stuck and they're overwhelmed, I would absolutely take an approach that I take myself and I take with every single client who's in that stuck space. It's what I call the Slingshot method. Oh, if you can physically do this even better, but you slow down, you take the space, you step back and you lift yourself up above your."
Kelly is an international self-leadership strategist, keynote speaker, mindset coach and published writer, Kelly’s ability to transition you from the ‘doing’ to the ‘being’ to live purposeful, present and successful life is at her core.
Through highly personalized mentoring and coaching programs you’re empowered to unearth hidden clues, insights to create easy to implement strategies to balance your day-to-day through self-leadership and a whole new way of being. I believe self-leadership is about taking ownership of our lives and understanding the importance of undoing a busy life in order to create a space for being well, managing responsibilities and commitments without falling victim to burnout, guilt and judgement in the process.
Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here. ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode112
Get more information on Kelly Carthy
➡️https://www.kellycarthy
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
One of the biggest mistakes caregivers make is they go into caregiving with a big heart and know they need to do what it takes to help their loved one.
What happens… you’re all in? Care, Care, Care? Give, Give, Give?
You get so involved in what you need to do, then you realized it’s a lot. What do you do?
You drop or let go of the things that you feel aren’t necessary or you just need the time and prioritize. You're cancelling your personal appointments. You stop going to the gym or working out (saves you an hour a day). Those fun activities are not longer an option (lunch with friends, date nights, your favorite pottery class). You adjust your work schedule and are working late nights and weekends to keep up.
What happens is that you have this big heart filter going on - meaning you put yourself last. You only see the importance of taking care of your loved one. They need you. You say "I can’t possibly do anything else right now".
It seems logical and the right thing to do. But at what cost? Is this sustainable?
Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here. ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode111
Grab this resource that I referenced in this episode:
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday. We would love to have you!
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
I get a lot of questions from clients and caregivers curious about how I manage my caregiver stress, continue to keep going and find moments of joy each day. In today's episode, I'm sharing my 6 personal habits / routines that I do to release my caregiver stress. Before I started implementing these, my stress and anxiety were causing burnout and fatigue which turned into health issues.
Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here. ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode110
Listen to these episodes that I reference :
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode105
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode109
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
Enroll by May 10 to get in the May Group
If after May 10, you can enroll in the June Group.
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
One of the biggest challenges I hear from other caregivers is they feel isolated and lonely. You might even say "I feel like no one gets it". " I feel so disconnected." " I miss my old life." Then you scroll social media feeling more isolated and even jealous of others enjoying life and you are stuck.
You find yourself so busy that you don’t have time for anything else. Juggling your job/business, household, family and caregiving is all you can handle.
It’s important to be on the lookout for your social isolation. Here are some things to consider:
- Have you stopped your usual social activities and routines?
- Do you seem to have dropped all other responsibilities outside of caregiving?
- Do you purposely avoid outside interactions if there are other ways? And if you have to leave, do you feel anxiety or stress thinking about it?
- Do you complain that your other family members are not helping enough?
- Are you always feel tired or worried?
- Do you have a chronic health condition such as depression, anxiety or failing memory.
- Are you declining invitations with friends even when you can make it work out?
So how to you overcome it?
Catch the show notes and full episode transcript here: ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode109
Listen to these episode that I reference :
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode13
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode40
Join the Caregiver Cup Circle ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
Enrollment ends May 9
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
In today’s podcast, I talk more about what is caregiver energy, finding your energy, and ways to maintain your energy while you are juggling all you responsibilities
What is energy in terms of your personal energy to perform your caregiver responsibilities, your job, household and anything else you need to get done each day.
Why is finding your energy so important and to keep a steady flow of energy that keeps you healthy, performing at your best and able to enjoy your new normal.
Tips to finding your energy and maintaining your energy.
Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here;
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode108
Listen to these episodes to take your caregiving to the next level:
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode100
➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode60
CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration.
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/
As caregivers, we make assumptions and let our negative thoughts tell us that we have to be a martyr or stop enjoying life. We convince ourselves that we have to give up happiness and joy. Life is now full of sadness, challenges and difficulties. Some of that is true and the good news is: joy is possible, even in your caregiver season. It’s also one of the most important mindsets and practices you need right now.
- Joy makes you resilient.
- Joy makes us resistant.
- Joy makes you healthy
What's the difference between happy and joy? People favor happiness. But should happiness be our priority over joy? I don’t think so. Happiness is a fleeting emotion based on external circumstances. But, If you’re laughing with friends, you have both happiness and joy. Versus joy is an internal positivity that’s connected to hope. It’s the feeling that everything will turn out okay. With joy, you don’t have to put on a happy face. You can be joyful in the midst of the toughest situations.
You and I don’t live in a happy world right now. Our world is filled with sadness, difficulties, and challenges. With joy as your priority, the hope that things will be ok, this season will not be forever and right now you are providing a beautiful gift to your loved one - will help you push to your best self.
Joy is what you need now more than ever.
Experiencing joy while caregiving isn’t always easy, but I believe it’s more than just a nice thing to do: It’s a crucial to your well-being. Every moment of joy fills your cup a bit so you can keep going. And a little bit of fun can go a long way to relieve stress, motivate, activate and connect — as well as relieve boredom.
During this season in your life, at times it may feel as if you’re in auto pilot as you move through your day to day responsibilities of caring for a loved one. It may feel as if you have forgotten what makes your heart sing with joy. And you may even suppress it out of guilt or resentment. Infusing joy and laughter back into your life will help you better deal with the stress of being a caregiver. Laughter specifically strengthens your immune system and releases certain 'feel good” endorphins.
Cathy's tips to finding joy (Screen print this and share on your social media and tag me @cathylynnvan telling me what sparks your joy. )
- Create a joyful journal.
- Write a joyful mantra to post on your computer or refrigerator to say each morning.
- Celebrate. Find ways to celebrate.
- Eat joyously.
- Exercise always boosts your mood.
- Surround yourself with happy, vibrant friends and family
- Be joyous around your loved one.
- Cultivate gratitude.
- Enjoy music, movies, and/or a sporting event
- Enjoy a hobby.
- Children, Grandchildren, Pets
- Find joy with your loved one too
Notice your little moments of joy in every day. Make an effort to be mindful of the joy that you might be missing when your mind is racing and your challenges are overwhelming. Being creative and open to the humorous, joyful moments will help you face the tougher aspects of caregiving.
Let yourself explore joy as a caregiver. Your joy matters!
Did you hear my exciting news coming soon. I’m starting The Caregiver Cup Circle which is a small intimate group which meets two times a month via Zoom for 3 months. I’m limiting the group size to 10 ladiesSo if you are feeling lonely, this group may be just what you need. If interested email me at cathy@cathylvan.com or DM me @cathylynnvan
Spring is in the air! You are starting to see and hear people decluttering, cleaning and rethinking routines. Have you ever wondered why spring marks the best time to clean?
For many who don’t experience the four seasons, this may be a term or practice not used. Spring cleaning is thoroughly cleaning your home after a long winter. It is also considered a tradition rooted in culture, religion and even our biology.
So why am I talking about spring cleaning in this caregiver podcast. You most likely don’t have time or the energy to do it.
Cleaning can be therapeutic. If I am feeling stress or troubled, cleaning that junk drawer, pile of papers or the pantry, gives me a healthy distraction.
Here are my top spring cleaning tips for you, the caregiver.
- Refresh your grab and go bag
- Clean your car
- Make your personal space special - a place where you feel peace and joy
- Clean your closets and drawers . My wardrobe changed as a caregiver. Get rid of expired items.
- Refresh your loved one’s space. Ask then to help clear out the clutter, wash the blankets and maybe you can even rearrange some things to make things look new.
- Evaluate your time stressors. April is Stress Awareness Month so now is the perfect time to take a look at the stressors in your life.
- Spring clean you mind. Take some time to really look at your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Journaling is a great way to do this . Be honest with yourself.
The Benefits:
- Removing clutter reduces stress and is can simplify things. Less is more
- Housekeeping actually makes you happier.
- Keeping a clean home is healthier. Individual cleaning tasks such as vacuuming, ironing and gardening are physical activities that can burn between 150 and 300 calories an hour.
- Letting go of stuff saves you time and money.
- It’s a perfect time for a fresh start.
Spring cleaning is a time of renewal – out with the old, in with the new. For caregivers, spring cleaning is also a time for planning ahead and being prepared for the remainder of the year.
Click here to get the complete podcast notes.
I so wish I would have done it before. Thought it was too woo woo and fluff. Why it’s so important to share this with you. I’m struggling and hope it will help me as well as you.
I’m struggling with stress - chronic stress, anxiety and anxiety attacks. This year will be 5 years as a caregiver. I have had the pleasure and privilege of taking care of my loved ones through their health challenges and struggles and many moments of joy. But you know as well as me, this caregiver job can take quite the wear and tear on your physical and mental health.
But reality is, if you wait until the time is right to take care of yourself, it will never come. And if it does, embrace it. For me, one crisis or challenge kept coming. Again, I know you can relate.
So let’s get back to my intro. It’s not something my family practiced. It seemed silly and woo woo. But my friends have been doing it and have seen huge results. But I kept telling myself I can’t sit still. I can quiet my brain. Have you figured it out? It’s meditation.
The beautiful thing was I turned on some nature music off google sat on the floor. I felt my shoulder rest, I also felt like I was floating. I never felt that before.
When we meditate, we lower our stress levels, we get to know our pain, we connect better, we improve our focus, and we're kinder to ourselves.
When we pay attention to our breath, we're learning how to return to, and remain in, the present moment—to anchor ourselves in the here and now on purpose, without judgement.
The practice takes patience.
While meditation isn’t a cure-all, it can certainly provide some much-needed space in your life. And the most important tools you can bring with you to your meditation practice are a little patience, some kindness for yourself, and a comfortable place to sit.
Here's why to meditate:
- Understanding your pain
- Lower your stress
- Connect better
- Improve focus
- Reduce brain chatter
The practice is simple.
- Find place to sit that feels calm and quiet to you
- Consider music or noise cancelling headphones
- Set a time limit
- Notice your body
- Feel your breath
- Notice when your mind has wandered
- Be kind to your wandering mind
- Close with kindness
- Consider what you want to do afterwards
Meditation may offer a solution to the growing need to reduce stress in the midst of busy schedules and demanding lives.
Although there isn’t a right or wrong way to meditate, it’s important to find a practice that meets your needs.
There are nine popular types of meditation practices:
- mindfulness meditation
- spiritual meditation
- focused meditation
- movement meditation
- mantra meditation
- transcendental meditation
- progressive relaxation
- loving-kindness meditation
- visualization meditation
Not all meditation styles are right for everyone.
Meditation can offer general health and mental/emotional benefits:
- lower blood pressure
- reduced stress
- better sleep
- improved emotional regulation
- increased focus
- enhanced mood
- reduced aggression
- greater adaptability
- healthier aging process
- a greater sense of empathy and connection with others
I wish I would have started this practice years ago. Here’s to more zen and less stress. Here’s to more prayer and less anxiety. Here’s to quieting the brain and allowing in joy.
One of the biggest regrets, I see caregivers make is declining time with a friend. Your friend calls or texts you and wants to get together. You want to get out and you're yearning for someone else but you say no.
You feel guilty, sad, frustrated, and/or angry that you can’t go.
Top reasons why caregivers decline:
- You don’t have any time.
- You're embarrassed about how you let yourself go.
- You can’t leave due to quarantining order for your loved one.
- You can’t afford it.
- You are depressed.
Prior to caregiving your friendships meant so much to you and now, it’s a thing of the past. Don’t you miss those fun girl chats, laughs and deep conversations. Or maybe you miss getting out and shopping or going to a movie and making new memories. You most likely are grieving your friends.
Reality is that you can’t go back to the way it was. Life has changed but what if you could find a way to enjoy your friend again. Spend some time together without it causes extra stress or upsetting your caregiving.
Can you really afford to take time away. Is that really going to help you? Is this really what you want and need right now?
I see most caregivers want to live their life with friendships while caring for their loved one. It requires them to prioritize the activities in their life while still going through the process
Can you continue to stay isolated and carry all of this alone and never fuel your soul by meeting up with your friend.
The real question is, if you continue to say no, what are the impacts?
Tips to become start socially interacting again:
- Being aware
- Look for things to do that are free
- Do something inside your home.
- Be open to kindness of your friends.
- Talk with your loved one.
- Simplify your social life right.
- Don’t hold yourself to high expectations.
You don’t have to feel lonely. You don’t have to sacrifice friendships. You deserve breaks. You deserve to have some fun without guilt. You deserve to laugh.
I hope you think about connecting with your friend this week. Talk to him/her and say I want to try this again. I know I have turned you down many times but I’m trying to figure this caregiver life or this new normal out. Explain to them that caregiving and my other responsibilities take up almost all my time, but I want to continue our friendship. We may have to do things differently for awhile and I hope you are ok with it.
Then share your needs, limitations and wants. You’ll be amazed and maybe even surprised how your friendship may flourish, as well as your health and well-being.
This caregiving journey isn’t easy but when you focus on focus on fill your cup with small bits each day, you can find those moments of joy.
DM and tell me if you reached out to your friend or better yet, take a photo of getting out with your friend and tag me at @cathylynnvan
Catch all the show notes at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode104
How often have you been in a crisis situation or maybe an emergency situation as a caregiver? It usually happens unexpectedly and it disrupts your caregiving and causes major issues or stressors. How do you handle this?
When life throws you another challenges, your normal reaction is to think “ why is this happening to me - couldn’t this just wait? My cup is already full and now it’s overflowing”
It’s a normal reaction to get frustrated, angry, upset, and more. You’re human and doing the best you can as a caregiver and now it’s more.
Your body takes in the stress through your adrenal glands that make and release the hormone cortisol into your bloodstream Often this stress hormone, cortisol causes an increase in your heart rate and blood pressures. It’s your natural “flight or fight” response.
So let’s do a bit of a science lesson here….
Normal levels of cortisol also are released when you wake up in the morning or exercise. These levels can help regulate your blood pressure and blood sugar levels and even strengthen your heart muscle. In small doses, the hormone can heighten memory, increase your immune system and lower sensitivity to pain.
The danger of a fast-paced culture, however, is that many of us are constantly in high-stress mode. If your body experiences chronic stress, you may begin to feel unpleasant and even dangerous effects, such as fatigue, irritability, headaches, intestinal problems, anxiety or depression, weight gain, increased blood pressure l ow libido or problems with regular ovulation or menstrual periods, difficulty recovering from exercise and/or poor sleep.
How Cortisol Works… When the adrenal glands releases cortisol into your bloodstream, the hormone triggers a flood of glucose that supplies an immediate energy source to your large muscles. It also inhibits insulin production so the glucose won’t be stored but will be available for immediate use.
Cortisol narrows the arteries, while another hormone, epinephrine, increases your heart rate. Working together, they force your blood to pump harder and faster as you confront and resolve the immediate threat.
If your entire life is high-stress and always in high gear, your body may constantly pump out cortisol. This has several negative effects.
- Increased blood sugar levels.
- Weight gain.
- Suppressed immune system.
- Digestive problems.
- Heart disease.
So how do you get through these extra crisis or challenges that add to an already stressful caregiving journey?
No one can give you the exacts steps to managing your stress - you have to find what works best to you.
There are days where you need to recharge. Check out Episode 59 for tips
Grab the show notes at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode103
In today's episode you'll hear from Patty Metropulos from Kathy’s House. You all have been listening to my journey for the last few weeks and months regarding Denis' stem cell transplant journey and where we stayed. Kathy's House taught me so much about controlling what I can control, as well as taking care of myself.
- If you're looking for housing in the near future for you and your loved one for an extended length of time, you'll get info on finding a place to stay nationally.
- Even if you're away from home in anyway, you'll get gold nuggets to help you and your loved one through these challenging times.
- Or even f you don’t foresee leaving home, there's great advice, tips and motivation to improve your caregiver experience right now.
In this interview you'll hear Kathy's House's history, mission, the facility, branding and most importantly how they work with the patients staying as well as the caregivers.
Patty shares her experiences with the caregivers as well as her experiences as a caregiver too. She shares the importance of finding your energy and trying to incorporate daily activities to fill your cup and sustain your energy as a caregiver.
Stay to the end and get information on Kathy's House (and if not in Milwaukee), where you can find the right "home-away-from-home" for you .
Grab the show notes and full episode at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode102
To find more information about Kathy’s House go to kathys-house.org.
You can also find Kathy House on Facebook, Linken, and Instagram.
To find more about Healthcare Hospitality Network go to: hhnetwork.org
I spent the last week processing the past 6 weeks. It’s funny how you think the time goes so slow but now when you look back, how fast this went. It feels like a big blur. But as I was processing everything, I learned so much about myself. As hard as the challenge was, there were little golden nuggets that make me who I am now - what I am trying to say is - if I didn’t go through this, I wouldn’t have learned new things, made mistakes that helped me grow and the darkest times showed me the courage and strength I have.
As I was preparing to share this episode, I struggled at first but I know you can benefit from some of my thoughts, experiences and lessons learned. It feels a bit uncomfortable. Some of these are hard to share, some feel braggy and some feel selfish. But if caregivers don’t share these, we'll think caregiving is all unicorns and sunshine. We all walk into each caregiving experience with little, to no experience or practice. No matter if you're a new caregiver or a veteran, each experience or struggle is different.
As much as we do research, plan and prepare, we really don’t know what is coming, how we will react or perform.
Go to cathylvan.com/episode101 for the detailed notes.
It's the 100th episode! How hard is it to be at 100 or be perfect?
The 100 Emoji indicates a perfect score of 100 . This symbol is displayed as a red number 100 underlined twice. Essentially it means "keep it a hundred" (%), basically it's another way of saying keep it real, great job or well done.
As caregivers, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Those high expectations you put on yourself.
Striving for 100% or perfection can be a good thing. You want to be more organized. You're learning to be a better advocate by asking better questions. You are committing to self-care each day. You are meal prepping. You are committing to a better mindset.
But how do you feel when you can’t succeed or you can't get there.
It’s great to strive for perfection. It's a great thing to look for better ways to do things, pushing yourself to new ways of think, committing to a healthier and happier you and embracing joy and the good in caregiving. But you can’t expect everything to go as planned and be this perfect beautiful world. Reality is that caregiving and your life will have challenges, struggles and failures no matter how much you try to avoid it.
The true 100 win in life is taking a step back after each situation, and asking yourself what can I learn from it. Why didn’t thing go as planned. What could I do better?
Unhealthy perfectionism can lead to caregiver stress, burnout and fatigue including worry, stress, anxiety, and depression, among other potential negative outcomes.
The problem with perfectionism and the reason you'll want to know if you possess any perfectionistic traits is that perfectionists actually tends to achieve less and stress more than regular high achievers. You’ll find yourself not enjoying life, not being productive, not wanting to do things and clamming up.
It can be characterized by an excessive focus on control. People may become extremely picky and preoccupied with making sure that everything is flawless, which can lead to attempts to control situations or people. This can contribute to stress and it takes a toll on interpersonal relationships.
It can lead to fear of failure. Mistakes seem like the end of the world. You beat yourself up over each slip up.Lack of perfection implies lack of control.
Perfectionists set unreasonable goals, no matter how hard they try and how many goals they achieve. You feel your accomplishments are never quite good enough. You're frantic and fearful they won’t get things done.
Perfectionists are rarely happy, and whatever joy you do experience usually doesn’t last long. You put tremendous, persistent pressure on yourself.
Where do you fall in the 100 perfectionism trap? How to avoid the trap of perfectionism:
- Recognize perfection is an unhealthy illusion
- Change self-defeating thoughts and behaviors
- Confront fear of failure
Action Steps:
- Spend time with yourself: What do you do when you making a mistake, how do you treat yourself when you forget something? Does your actions or a spoken statement keep you up at night and you can’t let it go? Recognizing it and accepting it is key.
- How are you going to handle these going forward. Journal out lessons learned.
- Download https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
- Embrace your mindset and lessons learned. Share your lessons learned.
In today’s episode I’m saying it. That thought that you think and say every so often to yourself. That thought that you don’t dare say to anyone else and if you do, you share it in confidence to your therapist, coach or best friend. That thought that may be true. You feel guilty thinking it. You feel stuck. You’re not happy. You don’t know if you can do this anymore.
Have you thought it? Have you felt it? Or maybe you are feeling this right now. Drum roll …….. It is…..I hate caregiving. I don’t want to do this anymore.
If you feel this way or felt this at any time, you are not alone.
So let’s talk about your feelings, your valid feelings and thoughts about caregiving. Psychological stress makes you feel this love-hate caregiving relationship. You get that feeling of mixed emotions for your loved one. That’s when those feelings tell you “you can’t go on, or you can’t do this anymore or when stress is super high, you use that hate word - I hate caregiving and I just want to run away”.
Let’s now break down some reasons why. Maybe one of these applies or maybe more than one.
1. Your relationship has now changed.
2. Past experiences with your love one.
- The timing is horrible and now you are expected to put things on hold or adjust and balance.
4. You are not good at caregiving. It feels like you can’t do anything right or it’s a struggle. There are many job responsibilities with caregiving.
5. Your not in good health emotionally or physically
6. You miss your friends, passions and personal time
7. You get no support or very little. You see other family members enjoying life and you are doing it all.
8. Your situation is not optimistic, challenging and down right hard
9. This journey has been going on for years.
10. Hard decisions have to be made and you are not ready to make them.
These reasons are valid. I felt so much better understanding that it wasn’t me. It was the reason.
So how do you get beyond these thoughts and feelings. Like I said before - it starts with understanding and acceptance.
Now let’s talk about how to move to more joy and less of these hate feelings.
- Do you hate it all or just bits and pieces of it?
2. Do you have to do it all?
- Outsource check out some ideas at way to outsource
- What is your level of stress and burnout
3. Do you need to talk with someone (friend, therapy, coach)?
4. Self-care and respite care
- Think like a CEO
You can’t let caregiving consumer YOU. I know there no such thing as balance but there is a life of joy with less stress.
You can quit - yes, I said you can quit. Check out Episode 62 Quit feeling guilty. Quit getting down on yourself. Quit saying yes to everything.
Flip those thought to you choice. Choose your mindset. Choose your attitude. Choose your joy. Choose your caregiving style Check out Episode 98 and the Caregiver Quiz
Not one caregiver is the same. Embrace your uniqueness, style and flow.
I want to share the true aha moment that came to me this week. I've been beating myself up lately. When I say beating myself up, I mean those internal thoughts asking myself why. Why am I not being productive? I have all this time and all I want to do is sit around, sleep and do nothing. Why don’t I have the energy and drive? Why I am shutting down?
These feelings were becoming so heavy that it was affecting my mental health. I tried to fight the demons in my head by going for a walk, journaling and continuing my self-care. That helped a bit but I had to be honest with myself, I still felt like I was not myself. I was yearning for the good old days.
Do you believe things happen for a reason? I do. Kinda like, you have to go through the hard shit to enjoy the good times and you have to go through the crazy seasons to enjoy the boring times.
Last week, I attended a coaching session on the DISC - This is a personal assessment tool used to help you deepen your understanding of yourself and others. DISC stand for D dominance, I influence, S steadiness, C conscientiousness.
The DISC training provided me with more self-awareness. Constructive change begins with self-knowledge. DiSC profiles show you how you respond to conflict, what motivates you or stresses you out, and how you solve problems.
To understand more information about the disc, you can pretty much google this. And, to note, there are other assessments that can help you get a better understanding of yourself.
During the DISC, training the instructor went through the basic behavioral styles and personality indicators. It was so eye opening for me. This presentation was just what I need knowing my situation.
I learned that my challenges and situation right now are stressing my personality traits and behaviors. I love security, being organized and in control. I am very task orientated and an high achiever. I love my alone time since it fuel me
My coach hit it on the head and said when you lose control or fear security or can’t have consistency. You go into reserved mode. I am outgoing usually but clam up.
What about you? Think about your personality and behaviors. Your emotions, feeling and mental state may be suffering and you shouldn’t be blaming yourself.
My coach when on to tell me. Control what you can control right now. I can’t control the schedule, my location and my spouse’s condition. But I can control my self-care right now.
When you better understand yourself, you can then dissect your situation, your emotions/feelings, your behaviors in this situation you are in and most importantly - how you can handle the situation.
For me right now, I get Denis appointment times 24 hours before. So instead of intense planning out each day like I love to do - I am focusing on my top 3 priorities. (Self - care< Caregiving, Workload )
Too many times caregivers think they can do what they used to do and minimally adjust. I really thought I could move into Kathy’s house and adjust a bit. Well it was like putting a square peg into a round hole. The environment, stresses of your loved one’s health and your own personal behaviors and personalities, all play into it.
As you experience frustrations, emotions and challenges, take a pause and think about everything. This past week, I spent some good, long time journaling.
- Who am I?
- How do I respond?
- Why do I feel this way?
I want to talk about “new normal” that we as caregivers move into either suddenly or over time. This set of words have been used more in the last couple years than ever before. Think about the overall world in general. People that worked in offices and buildings are now working at home. Children experienced virtual learned. Caregivers and family members in some cases weren’t allowed to visit their loved ones in the hospital or nursing home. Isolation became the new normal when we tested positive. Grocery pick up and online shopping rose to the highest numbers ever. You fill in the blank. What has changed for you that you now call the “new normal”, But is it really a new normal or a a temporary new normal. Thats what I want to break down today. There are benefits to look at things temporary vs normal.
"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." Lance ArmstrongWhen we look at the temporary new normal it may be a day, a week, a month, a year.
When you look at your caregiver journey right now, are there things that are temporary like therapy for your loved one. Or, the snow season (if you are getting snow) or maybe a work project that is tipping you on the work side.
Denis finished his 3rd full week of his stem cell transplant. Last Friday was his infusion which went as planned. This week they are monitoring his vitals, labs, fluids and overall health. My spouse and I know this is temporary.
I am not calling this my new normal because it’s only temporary. This is my new temporary normal. Meaning that I am adjusting to his caregiving needs, meals, cleaning, working from our one hotel room at Kathy’s house, using a badge to open your doors and parking and much more.
In this temporary normal, there are stressors, frustrations, anxiety and loneliness. The first few weeks were fine. It was new and I call it the honeymoon stage when you are learning everything as well as it’s kind of fun.
Now the routine is in place and I am feeling a bit like a caged animal wanting to be in myhome. It makes me sad thinking about my grandkids, my mom, my sons, my furbabies. I miss the luxuries of home.
I see my spouse, Denis going through each day and I know he can’t wait to leave this place and not have to go to the doctor or a hospital.
But what’s the saying? This too will pass.
There has been so many family and friend sending prayers and support which makes us feel gratitude.
So when you are in your normal. I want you to ask yourself …
- What is your temporary normal?
- What things are you doing now that you won’t be doing after this is done?
- What emotions and feelings is the temporary causing?
- And most importantly, how are you working through this temporary normal?
You may have to put things on hold during this time. What can you do to be the best version of yourself during this temporary normal?
One of the thing that's helping me right now is self-care. Get a copy of the 28 Days of Self-Care
When you “chunk out” your caregiving, it gives you light at the end of the tunnel. Challenges and struggles will occur but they don’t have to break you.
The word temporary can be your hope, your inspiration, your motivation that soon this will change and for me when I am struggling I picture myself hugging my grandson, getting doggie kisses and sleeping in my own bed.
Today I have an admission…..I feel uncomfortable asking for help. I usually don’t ask for help because of it. Yes, it’s my personal struggle and something I continue to work on. Even when I need the help. Even when I am overwhelmed and stressed.
Can you relate? Most caregivers avoid asking for help for numerous reasons. In today’s episode I want to unpack all the reasons (those whys) and I bet there are some that you are going to say - ah that’s me. I also want to talk through When you really need to NEED to ask for help and how important it is.
If I would ask you, why are you not asking for help, what would you tell me?
Some of the reasons why caregivers don't ask for help are: They don't know what kind of help to ask for. They don't want to bother anyone. They feel guilty if they don't do everything for the person in their care.
In some cases, a caregiver's reluctance to reach out for help could come from their sense of responsibility or duty to the person they are caring for. They may feel that if they reach out for help, they are slacking on their responsibility.
Others are:
- Protective Instincts
- Caregiver Guilt
- Fear of Strangers
Overcoming a tendency to prioritize a loved one’s needs over your own can be challenging. Ask yourself these questions to discover what’s preventing you from reaching out for help.
- Do you believe asking for help is selfish?
- Do you feel inadequate?
- Is it difficult to put your needs first?
- Could you be codependent
Saying yes to help when you are a caregiver is difficult. I’m not sure why, but it’s true. And most caregivers find it even harder to ask for help.
I learned that I could respond to the question, “What can I do to help?” with this statement: “Right now I am good but I am going to reserve the right to come back to you when there is something you can do to help”. Not one person told me “No” when I went back and asked for help.
Caregiving for a loved one is a selfless role that many step into out of love and obligation to someone that they are deeply devoted to. Any caregiving role is challenging in its own right. However, unique challenges come with caring for you loved one (ie elderly, disabled),
Here are the top three times when you should ask for help.
- Your own wellness is compromised
- Your “fuse” is getting very short (theirs too)
- You no longer feel like a wife, husband, daughter, or son
Becoming a caregiver often means finding a way to reframe your relationship. It’s confusing, conflicting and can leave the caregiver grieving their former life and former role within the relationship. In this process it is important that you learn how to wear different “hats” in order to maintain your sense of identity within the relationship.
There is no doubt, you want to give the very best to your loved one, that’s why you agreed to become their caregiver in the first place. So, don’t they deserve the best of you? Healthy, confident, and connected! Asking for help is not failing, needing help and not asking is the true failure. So, who do you ask?
My words of advice for you is to consider starting small and celebrating each steps
Replace your guilt and worry with gratitude.
- Journal
- Thank you's
- Mindset
You are caregiver and your role is to care for your loved one but also give care to you. You can’t be the best person and caregiver without taking care of yourself.
As Caregivers, we wear this invisible caregiver badge of honor and are just trying to stay healthy, grateful and positive. We are struggling and challenged, but when we focus on gratitude, staying healthy and positive, we can make the best of our caregiving journey and the challenges we are facing.
If you are sick, burned out, tired, angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, your loved one and whole family will sense it or even model it. Your physical and emotional state affects everyone else. So you must take care of yourself. You’ll be a better caregiver if you take care of your own needs and put yourself first.
When our loved ones are not feeling well and/or they are inpatient. It’s easy to just not eat or grab the junk food but food gives us energy and boosts our mood. Sure you can’t be perfect with your eating all the time but you can plan ahead.
You also have to think through things that can pass time and are fun to do. Couple fun things I do was journaling more. I find cubby holes in the clinics or home to journal and my gratitude. I also taught myself to knit. It’s not pretty and there are tons of mistakes. But I am embracing a new skills and when you have both hands on the needles, you can’t multi task. You have to let yourself knit. I loved the fact I could think and just be. I also colored (library). Yes, the had adult coloring books and fun colored pencils. I just sat at the desk in our room and colored. I quieted all my negative and worrying thoughts and just colored. It was so relaxing and fun.
Mental well-being is just as important for you and I. What can you do to release your feelings and thoughts? If you are feeling worried or angry or guilty or frustrated, what is your “go to” hobby or passion. Maybe it’s cooking or baking or reading or prayer or meditation or a bath.
As you move into this week I want you to think through how you are going to take care of yourself FIRST, Yes, first. Where can you add time in for movement, eating healthy, time to recharge, some fun and rest. I only skimmed the surface on self-care here today but these 4 are important (movement, nutrition, mental well-being and fun).
If you haven’t listened to Episode 59: The importance of recharging each day - put that as one to listen to for further inspiration and motivation this week. Go to cathylvan.com/episode59
Lastly, I want to hear what you are doing to take care of yourself. Just one - don’t overcomplicate it. Start simple. Go to The Caregiver Cup Facebook Page or tag me on Instagram @cathylynnvan. Let’s do this together and help each other with some ideas. I would love to see pics - maybe you love to dance, or paint or meal prepping.
Take care friend and as always, don’t forget the importance of filling your cup first. You can’t be the best caregiver for your loved one if you are not taking care of yourself.
Love you and we will talk with you next week.
In today’s episode let's unpack being in a funk, or is it depression, or is the root cause burnout.
A slump, rut, funk (or general feeling of weirdness) is a fairly short lived bad day or bad couple of days. Sometimes our slumps can be reactions to something that happened to us. Maybe you're feeling lonely in quarantine or your caregiving situation or you're upset because you were passed up time with friends since you can’t leave your loved one at home.
Everyone has off days where they feel tired, irritable, and sad. It’s normal to feel sadness as a response to challenging life events , but sometimes these feelings can stick around for a while if left unaddressed and make it difficult for you to get through each day.
Depression impacts almost every part of your life, interfering with how you think, feel, and go about your daily activities like sleeping, working, and socializing. Some common symptoms of depression include: feeling “empty”, lack of energy, difficulty concentrating , difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than normal, changes in appetite or weight, feelings of hopelessness, loss of interest in hobbies or activities , irritability or restlessness, aches and pains without clear physical causes or thoughts of death or suicide.
Although some people’s depression can be influenced by major life events, or brought on my your caregiver situation like seeing your loved one sick or being isolated and more. The truth is that depression can happen to anyone without cause or warning.
It’s important to note that depression exists on a scale from mild to severe, but even in mild cases it should be taken seriously. Depression is not simply a “bad mood” or something that someone can “snap out of,” but luckily it is very treatable.
Self-care is a key component to living a happy, healthy life and between your diet, exercise, daily routines, and social interactions there are plenty of steps you can take to influence your mood. As you move through your depression, be open to trying new approaches.
- Eat a Healthy Diet
- Moving your body
- Sun and Fresh Air
- Get Quality Sleep
- Socialize with Friends and Family
- Plan Fun Activities
- Be Kind to Yourself
Any level of depression should be taken seriously. Seeking professional help is a sign of bravery and self-respect because it shows that you are dedicated to caring for your mind and body. Everyone experiences low points in their life and their mental health, but depression is a treatable mental illness and you can recover.
Another thing to consider is.. are you burning yourself out. Burnout is caused by excess stress over a sustained period of time. It can make us feel drained, foggy-headed, unable to cope, and this can lead to compassion fatigue, or losing the will to care for your loved one.
Caregivers often put the needs and interests of their loved one ahead of themselves, neglecting their own wellbeing in the process. Having unrealistic expectations is one reason that may contribute to the stress that caregivers face.
Warning Signs of Caregiver Burnout are lack of energy, overwhelming fatigue, sleep problems, changes in eating habits, feelings of hopelessness, withdrawing from, or losing interest in, activities you once enjoyed, neglecting your own physical and emotional needs, feeling like caregiving is controlling your life, becoming unusually impatient, irritable or argumentative , anxiety, depression or mood swings, difficulty coping with everyday things, headaches, stomachaches, and other physical problems. or lowered resistance to illness.
Oftentimes, a caregiver is unable to recognize that they’re inching toward burnout. Caregiving is a long long journey and you have to learn fast that you have to manage your own well-being first.
How do you carry on when times are hard or you received more bad news or the challenges are becoming heavier every day and it feels like nothing is going to change. Unfortunately bad news or challenges happen to people every day.
The worst thing you can do in challenges and difficult times is hide away. But it’s often what we want to do. We don’t want to talk to anyone. They won’t understand what you are going through or your thoughts are silly. If I talk to someone, it will be painful so laying in bed and hiding away feels better. But reality is someone understands what you're going through.
Science has proven that the healthiest and most effective way to get through tough times is to get support. To ask family and friends for support.
The most important thing is to realize you are not alone.
The second thing is to define the meaning. Ask yourself , what does this truly mean to me. What is actually happening and how is this affecting me.
But once you reflect on it and find positive meaning from your challenge or situation, you will get strong and it will teach you something and maybe even give you a new hurdle or purpose. There will be something there for you - just think, maybe it will give you more patience, or kindness or you will find new love.
Hold on to the good happening around you in this difficult time. It may be hard to see all of it right now, but just make note of it and when things are better, you can go back and reflect on you and how this have positively affected you and all the good people around you are doing.
You have to realize you have the power of choice. You can react to the situation negatively - bitter, anger, sadness, resentment, or you can choose to start your transformation with positive energy.
How many times in your caregiving have you heard the words “New Normal”? Or your new reality It’s true that life is no longer as it once was. If you are going through new challenges, Your daily routine has changed and so has your thought process. Well now that is all changing. Most adults don’t like change.
Instead, I'm going to look at this as a new chapter and a new beginning. The definition of “New Beginning” is a start. the point at which something begins. It’s filled with apprehension, anxiety, fear of the unknown. Don’t most New Beginnings start out that way? I think I prefer the term New Beginning. Just the words alone bring a sound of HOPE!
In this New Beginning, nerve wracking emotions are coming into play. Things will settle down in due time; but until then, it’s “one day at a time.” We’ve heard that before, too, right? The New Beginning will have a few obstacles here and there; but with perseverance, I’ll see the fight I never knew you had in you.
With each New Beginning, you learn something: how much stronger you were than you ever imagined. You’re grateful for another day, another chance at life as you continue your fight.
Those New Beginnings can bring sadness with an unexpected setback, but give you HOPE for a recovery. New Beginnings can let you see the simplest things in a different light—a new appreciation of something you used to take for granted. Each day is an opportunity for a New Beginning!
Lao Tzu, a philosopher and poet, said: “New Beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” They certainly can be. However, every day is a New Beginning to start over. Your New Beginning is your life! If you are having a bad day, struggling, maybe having a setback, having trouble coping, remember another New Beginning is on the horizon. It’s called…Tomorrow!
It’s strange to plan out the next 6 weeks of your life. It’s figuring out everything. Denis won’t be able to come home and if I do, it will be for a short day or so (if that’s even possible). I sure wish it was planning a trip for 6 weeks vs this
The unknown and uncertainty can bring up a whole lot of things. Emotions, anxiety, stress, and more. But it also can be a reminder that we don’t have control over what happens.
To be honest, I hate it. I want to be in the driver’s seat. And If I can’t drive, I want to be sitting in the passenger seat, giving them the navigation instructions. The transplant coordinator is scheduling everything out right now. Dates, times, a calendar that looks like a project plan. But the plan also reminds me of a school schedule - each day is a time/ procedure, location (building, floor, room and where to park each day). Each procedure has preparation, during care and after care instructions.
At any given time as a caregiver, our loved ones disease, illness and path can change. When that happens, our role as a caregiver changes. Just when you think you are “getting it” and mastering all the skillsets, it changes. Your caregiver role pushes you to another level and you may not even asked for it.
As I am reading this Blood and Marrow Transplant / Autologous Transplant Guidebook this week, it had over 300 pages of very good information explaining the process, procedures, and therapies. It goes over diets, resources, maps, and all the care instructions from pre transplant through post transplant. But again, what I found is that there is very little information for caregiver instructions.
People who undergo a transplant need a personal caregiver to help with their treatment and recovery. Your caregiver should be a responsible family member or friend who can provide physical care, observation, and emotional support for you throughout the transplant process. As part of planning ahead for your transplant, it is important to decide who can be your caregiver.
This next stage of my journey is like a new job and the job description isn’ written. I kind of know what I have to do but not exactly. So I took a step back and listed out my new responsibilities
- Getting him to every apt and accompanying as his advocate
- Providing emotional support
- Physical care (meds, cooking, bathing, cleaning, laundry), monitoring his medical changes
- At lodging and at home care will look different - grocery shopping, pharmacy
- Home - maintenance for next 6 months
- Home sitter and dog sitter
- Communication with doctors and coordinators
- Insurance process, filing claims
- Finding time for myself - volunteer services
As caregivers, we'll never be able to figure it all out. But we have to do our best. Part of doing our best is being real with ourself and the situation. Things will not go as planned and you can’t control everything. What I know I can control is myself. There will be down time and I need to take advantage of that. I know what works for me - exercise, eating well, journaling and rest.
Let me share Maya Angelou’s quote "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. "
In the last episode, I shared my opinion of a new years resolution. Although I think setting goals and committing to something is super healthy for you, it may be hard to commit to a resolution right now as a caregiver. That’s why I love the idea of choosing a word or words of the year.
Are you ready to hear mine? Can you guess what mine might me?
Remember the steps in picking your word from the last episode (reflect, visualize, create a list, review, revise and narrow it down).
My first word is simplify. Knowing that I have 6 very hard weeks ahead, it’s forcing me to simplify my life. Everything from packing, slowing down my appointments and calendar, to my expectations. My focus will be on my spouse and my health.
You will see me slowing down a bit on facebook and instagram. I am not going to hold myself to the pressures to post daily - if I do, it will be a gift and I will celebrate with you. All of my major communications will be in an email weekly. So if you are not part of my email list, drop me a message at cathy@cathylvan.com and I will get you added.
Secondly, I so wanted to launch The Caregiver Cup Program again in February, but I will be pushing it back a month (I think). I just don’t think I can give you the entire experience until Denis is home. But one thing I am not quitting and will continue to share is my podcast. The big difference is only doing Tuesday episodes right now. I loved doing 2 days a week but this past week was a big wake up call. I don’t want to let you down again. So by focusing on 1 a week, I can deliver a quality episode vs flying by the seat of my pants.
My second word this year is respite. When I sole searched this one I know important rest, relaxation and sitting still is for me. I have to be honest - I can’t sit still. I know I have ADD and it drives me crazy to just sit. I am also a people pleaser and not always helping with everything makes me feel guilty.
What are your words or word? It’s not too late for you.
2022 is a new start and new beginning for many of us. But for many it’s just a page on the calendar. Did you do the second part of the last episode?
You are hearing a lot of ppl saying they just want to get over 2021. They are so over it all and want a fresh start. Let’s get real. It wasn’t all that bad. I suggested you take a few moments and highlight your 2021. It a beautiful journal of the year that you will have for yourself.
- Highlights of the year
- Challenges It’s funny when you look back the little challenges don’t seem as big now as they were back then. But the high hitters for me were big.
- Proud moments Which leads me to my proud moments. I hope you really focus on this one.
- I am so grateful My heart is so full but I keep making room for more gratitude. It is a constant learning process to let in gratitude before challenges and sadness.
So as you move into this new year, I hope you embrace this year with a new perspective with a focus on you first. Caregiving can be a beautiful gift to your loved one. But it’s also important to make sure you gift yourself with what you need during this time.
In just a few days, we welcome in a new year, 2022. A new year means new year’s eve celebrations or a quiet night at home. For others it’s just a change on the calendar and to remember putting 2022 on documents vs 2021.
It also can mean
- New year’s resolutions,
- A fresh start, and
- Thinking back on the last year.
For me the New Year is all of these combined. As caregivers , we can think through these to improve our situations.
1. New Year’s Resolutions. Take them or leave them. So if you are setting a new year’s resolution think through your thoughts, motivation and commitment.
For me this year, I’m choosing a word of focus. I love the idea of choosing a Word of the Year vs. New Year’s Resolution because it helps bring focus and clarity to what we want to create in our lives.
Here are a few easy steps to choosing your word of the year.
- Reflect on this past year and ask yourself questions. What could I use more of in my life and caregiver life? What could I use less of in my life and caregiver life? What characteristics would I like to have? By the end of the day, I feel (fill in the blank). How do I want to feel?
- Visualize what the perfect day would feel like.
- Create a list of the words that come to mind, no self-editing!
- Review and refine your list Do any of the words jump out at you, make you feel excited, nervous, scared, uncomfortable, or at ease? Sometimes the words that scare us most can mean we’re on the right track because change isn’t always easy. At the same time, I think finding your word can also bring peace and empowerment. Think about the words, try them on, and see what feels right.
What’s your 2022 Word of the Year? Which word can you say you’re 100% committed to? Choose that 1 or 3.
2. Next a new year can mean a fresh start. A new year is a new beginning. It's like a new birth. As the new year begins, we feel that we need to make changes in our life, start on a new path, do new things, and say goodbye to old habits, problems and difficulties.
Often, we start making new plans and new resolutions. We might feel elated, inspired and hopeful, but sometimes also apprehensive.
But this may be time to make changes. It may be your time to look at what’s work and what’s not working. You could even get your loved one involved.
3. The most impactful to do this time of year is reflecting back on the year. Whether this year is one that you want to say good-bye to or one that you thought was one of your best year’s ever, it’s really impactful to think back on it.
- What were the highlights of the year? The happy celebrations (weddings, birthdays, babies, anniversaries, etc)
- What were the challenges, sad times, hard times and more? This may bring back some tears and emotions. But there is something therapeutic about writing things out.
- Now, write down your proud moments. What make you proud of YOU? Your accomplishments, your strength and courage, your drive, what you were able to overcome.
- What are you grateful for in 2021. End with this one. All your gratitude in 2021. This may be the same as a highlight but it also may be for your garden, walks, or your parent or loved one or your doctor team or a friend. Those people you have in your life now that you didn’t have in 2020.
The new year can be a great fresh start or a time to reflect and a time for change. Take one of these today and walk into 2022 with joy, positivity and purpose.
Every year, before Christmas, I get that feeling. That warm and fuzzy feeling that Christmas is coming. Even as an adult. I get kinda excited. Today, running errands and listening to Christmas music, got me thinking back to my childhood memories.
This time of year seems so magical. I so remember Christmas Eve Day waking up and could hardly wait to go to my Grandma’s house. That’s when it all started. (explain gramma Z)
Do you still get that fuzzy feeling, Friend?
But then reality kicks in. This year may look different for you? It may not even feel like the Christmases of your pasts.
If you are feeling like the Grinch stole your Christmas, you are not alone.
As caregivers (or as we age), the holidays no longer seem very jolly, and we don’t feel like celebrating much anymore. What used to be a joyous occasion can change and take on new meanings as life throws us curve balls.
We think we’re supposed to be exceptionally happy this time of year, but that expectation alone can cause people of all ages to become sad or depressed. Caregivers and our loved ones are especially susceptible to the holiday blues.
While the holidays may not be the same as they were in the past, there can still be plenty of reasons to celebrate. One of the most important things to remember is that it’s okay to enjoy them as they are now. Old memories hold a special place in your heart, but there is always enough room to add new ones.
What can you do to find bits of joy this holiday season and reduce holiday stress and the holiday blues. Let me share just a few things I'm practicing this holiday season.
- Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
- Be realistic.
- Accept help when others offer it and ask for help when you need it.
- Do not feel guilty for picking and choosing which holiday plans you and your loved one can commit to.
- Be grateful for the little things.
Before I end this episode, just 2 days before Christmas, I want to thank you for being my listener. I am truly blessed to have this platform and for you to listen. If there is every anything you want to hear, please reach out.
Merriest of the holidays to you and your loved one. I wish you peace, hope and a joyful Christmas.
Here are my top 5 lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes
- Shift your mindset - focus on the positive and abundance side of your mindset vus the negative. To change your mindset is not easy—but it is one of the most powerful things you can do. Learning how to recognize a negative mindset is the first step. Once you do, you will be empowered to make those changes and start seeking out the positive. Doing this can often turn your entire life around!
- Ask questions and then ask more questions. Don’t ever assume anything. Doctors, Loved One, Family - everything and everyone.
- Be honest with yourself. Embrace your emotions. It’s ok to be unhappy or not happy all the time. You’re human and you will need to process things as they happen.
- Know where you are at with your stress. Take a moment weekly and process. https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
- Put yourself first - you can please everyone. You can’t do everything. You can’t keep going. Putting yourself first means planning your schedule first.
If you are feeling stress or beating yourself up about your mistakes, I hope you take my lessons learned and grant yourself grace and embracing each lesson.
And if you’re still struggling I have a resource that you might want to look into. It’s my health boundaries tool. It’s just $14 and you can get it athttps://www.cathylvan.com/products/setting-healthy-boundaries
Do you remember the easy button? It acknowledging the frustrations and challenges of small business. It's also a statement about Staple's responsibility to make things easier for their customers.
What if you could push an easy button when you were frustrated or facing challenges?
Everyone wants to make their life easier - simpler. Caregivers too. Trying to avoid extra unnecessary work, complex advocacy tasks, and reducing errands, to name a few. Our time is valuable and our physical and mental wellbeing are priceless.
Think of all the things that make our life easier today. Online shopping, deliveries to our doorsteps, apps (doctor/clinics, lab results, scheduling appts), bills, applications, our phones do so much (maps, texts, music), - just to name a few.
As I enter into 2022, I’m continuing to think about how I can simplify my life. As a matter of fact I picked 2 words that I am focusing on in 2022 - simplify and sustainability. I want you to think of your word or words. I am not a big new year resolution person but I am all about thinking about my focus and intention for the new year.
Why did I pick simplify? As I move into 2022, my spouse, Denis will be moving into his cancer fight with a stem cell transplant hopefully. We meet with the Lymphoma / Stem Cell doctor on 12/30.
If all goes well, January/February will be pretty intense. So I am already prepping to simplify things. What things do I absolutely need to do, where do I have to be and what things can I take off my plate or make simpler. If you listened to Tuesday’s episode, I started this process already.
My second word flows into this…. Sustainability. You have to come to the realization that you can do everything. You may think you can, but you can’t. You need to preserve your energy, your well-being so that you can continue to be the best caregiver you can be.
Let me share a few of my thoughts and plans. Before I do that though, I want to remind you that each of us are different and our situations are different. So as you are listening to mine, I want you to think where you have opportunities to simplify and why you need to sustain.
So here are my thoughts - in no specific order
- What appts do I need to be at and what appts don’t I have to be there for (Denis can drive, apps keeps me informed, notes to Denis, My mom appts - my brother is helping now)
- Automation, automation - bills, reoccurring ordering (amazon), pharmacy refills, supplements,
- Asking for help - meals, finances, shoveling, house sitting, dog sitting, cleaning
- How can I do things more efficiently - Sunday Funday, working with my business coach, discussions with my boss, Holidays
- Prioritizing my self-care - eating, hydrations, exercise, rest,
- Gratitude
- Sunday Planning - time to reflect on what went well, what needs to shift and how to plan.
Caregiving is far from easy. But continuously look at each situation and asking yourself : What am I grateful for? What is going well? What’s working? What brings you joy. Then also asking yourself: What are you struggling with? What are your biggest stressors? Where are you at with burnout? What would improve the situation? Where do I have to be honest with myself?
In today's episode, I want to share my personal development and the shifts I had to make to reduce my caregiver stress and avoid burnout. I hope my experiences get you to think through your routines and start rethinking your caregiving and seeing the importance of doing what's best for you while still providing the best care for your loved one.
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I was judgmental. I looked at those people sitting in the chemotherapy chairs alone and couldn’t believe that their family or spouse or a friend wasn’t sitting with them. I thought to myself, I will never do that to my spouse or parent. I would sit there no matter what. Those were my thoughts in 2017 and again in 2019.
Well today, I didn’t. I attended my spouse's oncologist appointment and then left him at chemotherapy.
After much thought and discussions with my spouse, I have made the decision that I don’t have to be at everything. He will be ok and is in good care and…. I can spend some time and energy elsewhere.
I feel like this is a huge mindset shift and growth for me. It has taken me a very, very long time to do this. I don’t have to control and be there for everything.
Yes, I have to fight the guilt and the gremlins in my head saying that I should be there. But I know the biggest mistakes I see caregivers make is stretching themselves so thin that stress and burnout sets in very fast.
I was feeling a bit wintry this week. Yes, wintery - it’s been really cold for the last couple days, so I couldn’t get outside and walk. And the sunshine is so short here in Wisconsin that I feel blahhh. I’m still getting my exercise on my treadmill and elliptical and doing weights and stretches but for me nothing replaces fresh air and sunshine.
So why I am bringing this up…. We all feel this way every so often and as a caregiver, I believe you and I feel blahhh too. Those times when we feel everyday feels the same - same routines, same locations (in your house), same conversations with your loved one and isolation. Maybe it’s the same stressors, overwhelm and anxieties.
How do you keep going?
How do you stay motivated?
Where do you find joy?
I started listening to a new podcast on my treadmill this week called Making Space with Hoda Kotb - it was an interview she did with Anne Lamott called Grace Always Meets You Exactly Where You Are - Anne talked about overcoming obstacles - she is now 35 years on the other side of addiction and has written 19 books all about her life and how she masters grace and gratitude.
The one thing that hit me that I wanted to share is her mention of “finding you north star”.
Everyone has a north star - that purpose or goal that keeps them going. No matter what season or challenge you are experiencing you need to have a north star.
A north star is the brightest star in the sky. It’s also called the Morning Star
For you as a caregiver, it is your goal or purpose right now. It excites you and lights you up.
I know what you are thinking… I don’t have time to set a goal or how can I have a goal or north star when I am so deep into caring for my loved one.
But, my friend, your north star should define who you are and what you do. It is your purpose and passion.
Your north star can being the best caregiver -
- Then identify how you can keep getting better
- Being more resourceful, better at conversations and advocacy,
- Running caregiving with a CEO mindset
- Scheduling respite care and time off for you.
- Assessing your care
But your north star can be setting new goals too. Your life doesn’t have to stop. Maybe your north start is identifying what new passion your can pursue
- hobby and you tie a vision to it like knitting hats for the homeless
- or you write a blog or start a podcast If you are thinking of starting a podcast, go to cathylvan.com/startapodcast
- Or you go back to school
You may have to get creative depending on your challenges or situation and if it is - start with something small
Take some time to ask yourself - what your north star it?
Does your north star motivate you - excite you
Caregiving doesn’t have to be giving up on you. As a matter of fact, it can be a time to discover yourself.
Will you do me a favor and DM me @cathylynnvan or email me at cathy@cathylvan.com and tell me what your North Star is and how it lights you up?
How are you doing with your stress during the holiday season?
For somecaregivers, the holidays can be a joyful time when spirits are lighter. It’s actually a nice distraction. It feels good to care for loved ones and enjoy time together, celebrating with family traditions. You might even have visitors or get out a bit and enjoy family and friends.
But for many of us the holidays also bring added stress — there’s even more to do during the holidays. You may be evening saying - Something’s gotta give!
I know for me, I’m adding decorating, shopping, wrapping, Christmas cards and more to my plate. My mom also needs to get her shopping done too. Last year she was able to drive but this year she can’t. I’m also trying to figure out how to celebrate safely with covid and Denis’ compromised immune system.
We may have to make the decision to stay back and decline invitations this year. For many and me included, it will bring on sadness, isolation and depression.
It’s OK to give yourself a bit of a break this year. Here are some tips to help you make it through the holiday season with more joy and less stress.
Here are some tips to help you make it through the holiday season with more joy and less stress.
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Focus on what is most meaningful
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Simplify your holiday activities
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Start new traditions
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Adjust meals
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Approach gift-giving more efficiently
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Anticipate holiday hot buttons
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Mind your mindset
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Keep self-care at the top of the list
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Connect with other caregivers
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Ask for help
In 2017, we drove and spent a quiet day and ham dinner with my mom and dad while he was fighting his pancreatic cancer. It was quaint and memorable.
It’s ok to not have the big bells and whistles - sometimes the quiet ones are the best
The bottom line is that this time is precious. Savor the moments with your loved ones and make good memories you can cherish forever.
Three questions to ask yourself when you are experience Caregiver Stress. When you answer these questions, you can better figure out ways to reduce stress.
It’s important that we as caregiver avoid burnout. This is stage two of caregiver overwhelm. Stage one is Caregiver Stress and if you don’t take care of your stress, burnout can sneak up pretty fast.
Caregiver burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by the prolonged and overwhelming stress of caregiving (plus everything else on your plate).
You might be struggling to maintain a sense of purpose in working so hard to provide care, which leads to feelings of loneliness and being unappreciated, second-guessed, or criticized by other family members, friends and your Loved One.
And you're probably reluctant, unable or unwilling to reach out for help from others. Isolation and extreme energy loss are major signs of caregiver burnout. When you're burned out, it's tough to do anything for you or anyone else.
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What does your stress look like? When you look at your stress what do you see?
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What does stress feel like? Your feelings, your thoughts, what is your body and mind telling you.
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What does stress do to you? Meaning how do you act or react. Or what behaviors do you resort to when stressed?
Obviously there are better actions than others. There are better behaviors than others.
The body’s autonomic nervous system controls your heart rate, breathing, vision changes and more. Its built-in stress response, the “fight-or-flight response,” helps the body face stressful situations.
It’s so important to think about how you respond to stress physically, emotionally, mentally and through our actions.
Caregiver Stress is real and it’s going to happen no matter how much you try to stop it. When you feel stress I want you to think about the word REAL
R = Recognize
E = Embrace
A = Accept
L = Learn
Stress is a normal human reaction that happens to everyone. In fact, the human body is designed to experience stress and react to it. When you experience changes or challenges (stressors), your body produces physical and mental responses. That’s stress.
Stress responses help your body adjust to new situations. Stress can be positive, keeping us alert, motivated and ready to avoid danger. But stress becomes a problem when stressors continue without relief or periods of relaxation.
Take some time to think through and observe your stress. Then Grant yourself grace as you recognize and learn ways to overcome it.
Get a free download, the 3 stages of caregiver stress - this resource walks you through each stage (stress, burnout and fatigue) It defines each stage and then gives you signs and symptoms to watch for.
I hope you enjoyed this episode, I seriously want you to reflect on each question. Grab a journal and really write these out. It has worked for me over and over again.
Here’s to reducing your stress and taking care of yourself friend.
In today’s episode, I’m sharing my dishonesty. The last few weeks I have been lying to myself. I’ve been telling myself stories and covering up my true feelings, my true thoughts and not doing what’s best for myself in this caregiving journey.
I had so many moments of anger, frustrations, denial and self-imposed pressures in the last couple weeks. I was choosing to ignore the feelings and thoughts or blaming it on other things. Until I realized I had to be honest with myself and figure out my whys.
Why am I angry? I didn’t recognize myself having these types of behaviors. I felt off and was feeling stress.
Why am I moody? Why am I frustrated? Looking back I realized I jammed too much into one week. I felt anxiety, stretched and frustrated and moody. Everything feels heavy and challenging.
I was catching myself thinking negative and saying negative things. I was becoming a complainer and feeling sorry for myself - and… that’s not me. Honestly - I was way overcommitted.
Signs that you need to be honest with yourself.
- If you feel off and not yourself.
- You are self-sabotaging yourself
- You complain, but don’t take action
- Not taking feedback well
How to be honest with yourself.
When you get to this point, be proud of yourself. You realized you need to be honest with yourself and take actions. This isn't easy, but it will shift your mindset and a new way of thinking - moving your from less stress and anxiety and more joy and gratitude.
- Be Open and Vulnerable: Be willing to step into each situation and assess it. Listen to yourself and others. This may require you to journal out your thoughts and feelings or even talk to someone about it.
- Reflect Each Day: Taking time each day to reflect on your decisions, thoughts, and actions. Reflection can not only help you be honest with yourself, but can make you feel more fulfilled and grateful. Try writing in a journaling each day: What did I do well today? What can I do better tomorrow? Am I granting myself grace? How am I treating myself?
When you’re reflecting on yourself - I want you to think through your caregiver overwhelm. Are you stressed, burning out or fatigues. Get my free resource - The 3 stages of caregiver overwhelm. Go tocathylvan.com/caregiverstress 3. Be Self-Aware: When you become aware of your own patterns you can finally begin to be honest with yourself
4. Being Patient and Embracing Yourself
Each day, we face new challenges and try, once again, to solve those that keep recurring. Being a caregiver is hard work, and it is impossible to keep a level head at all times. Moments of sadness, frustration and anger can easily get the best of us.
Being honest with yourself requires self-awareness and even courage. But I know when you take some time to reflect on yourself and put yourself first, ask yourself: What are my stressors? Am I being truthful?
When you take control of your stress and overwhelm, you can find more joy in this season of caregiving.
Just dropping in for a short message to say Happy Thanksgiving.
What are you grateful for?
Even when things are challenging and difficult you can find gratitude, moments of joy and embrace your journey.
I picture the caregiving journey as a roller coaster ride. You are in the car, strapped in and a bit nervous. In rough seasons, you're going up that big hill - full of fear, questioning why you are here, maybe crying or talking to yourself telling yourself everything will be ok.
Then you get to the top of the hill - it’s so high, Are you gripping those bars in front of you or are you enjoying that you reached the top and can’t wait head down for awhile?
Then you get to the bottom of that hill and immediately you are going up another hill. Then a curve and then another hill. Are you numb, are you exhausted or are you just waiting for things to stop?
How do you deal with those challenging and difficult times as a caregiver? Do you find yourself in a bundle of emotions or more stress and anxiety that normal? You may feel so stretched with more things on your plate that you can’t even figure out what to do next. Or you thoughts and feeling are so dark or negative or hopeless? Frustrated? You feel like you are in this deep hole and can’t figure out how to get out of it. Or you may even feel like a hamster on a wheel just going and going and nothing ever changes.
This is not an easy season to be in. I now have experienced this several times in my caregiving journey. Getting back to the roller coaster - some of those seasons are massive hills and other were smaller one and then there was the loop de loop ones.
It tough, it’s sucky and it’s difficult
I want to share some things that I do in these difficult seasons of caregiving.
- Focus on three things. And only 3 things. As caregivers we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect or to keep up with everything. And what will eventually happen - burn out.
- The second one is to keep perspective. Everything isn’t bad. There are some good times. There are some blessing. Remember those good times. Remember everything isn’t bad. Focus on how pretty dam amazing you are - your skills, your strength, your accomplishments, your kick butt advocacy . Embrace the good days and the beautiful gifts each day. Stop focusing on all the negative things and struggles, the bad. You’re given this beautiful miracle each day and that is your own choice. You can choose your attitude, positivity and mood.
- The third one is to ask yourself - what am I learning here. Caregiving is a new level of self-development. Think about - what can I learn from this situation right now. What messages am I sending to myself right now. What am I learning about my behaviors, beliefs and interactions with other ppl. Another thought is what else can I learn outside of caregiving. Something that will give me purpose or passion or just get me out of bed each day in this tough season.
- The forth one is do not forget about Gratitude. There is so much power in gratitude. I talked all about this in my last episode - 79 It’s part of keeping perspective. Think about what we do have and the blessings all around us. Instead of saying this is going wrong or that is terrible, instead say - what am I grateful for. What is the good all around me. Keep these things in mind and you will feel the energy coming up.
So as you are riding that roller coaster that we call Caregiving, remember, to take care of yourself first. Take these tips today and keep focusing on what you CAN do and what things you CAN control and what choices you HAVE.
In one of my hardest seasons in October 2017, which involved weeks of overwhelm an exhaustion, I heard the podcast I needed to hear - It was Rachel Hollis sharing her daily practice of journaling gratitude. Little did I know, this habit would be the golden ticket that shifted my mindset and gave me hope.
I wish that hope for you…. That you pick up your pen and start writing. It takes 10-15 minutes daily. Writing down 5 things you are grateful for. Doing this consistently can change your mindset and more.
3 Steps to Becoming More Grateful
In times of hardship or stress it might seem difficult to be grateful. But if you really think about it, we all have something to be grateful for. If you engage in only one prayer, let it be simply a heartfelt “thank you”. Here are three easy ways to put yourself in the mindfulness of gratitude.
- Keep a daily journal of things you are grateful for—list at least three. The best times for writing in your journal are in the morning as your day begins or at night before sleep
- Make it a point to tell people in your life what you appreciate about them daily.
- When you look in the mirror, give yourself a moment to think about a quality you like about yourself or something have recently accomplished.
These 3 steps are simple but do require commitment. But I know for a fact, you will see results.
I encourage you to message me now with the words I AM GRATEFUL @cathylynnvan I also want you to share your progress in a week from now.
Through the power of gratitude, you can wire your brain to be optimistic and compassionate, making you feel good. The more you look, the more you can find to be grateful for. This positivity can extend to those around you, creating a virtuous cycle.
One of the roles we play as caregiver is Caregiver Advocate. Meaning that you help your loved one with their health care and getting them the right care they needs.
You are a scheduler, money manager, house cleaner, health aide, nurse, navigator, nurturer and more. Perhaps the most important role, though, is advocate, as we ensure the best life possible for our loved ones when they are vulnerable.
That includes understanding their wishes for care and quality of life, and making sure those wishes are respected. It means helping them manage financial and legal matters. And it means making sure they receive appropriate services and treatments, of the highest quality, when they need them. We are their voices when they are unable to advocate for themselves.
If the thought of being an advocate for you seems overwhelming, relax. You probably already have the skills to be effective; you just need to develop and apply them in new ways.
Here are the five tips of importance:
Powers of observation
- Be fully present
- Find time for conversations
- Take notes on your observations
- Use technology
Organizational skills
- Identify your strengths and weaknesses
- Partner with your team
- Ask for help
- Listen to Episode 76 for more tips planning
- Look at everything and find ways to simplify
Communication skills; This is key for building relationships.
- Be respectful. Try to set emotions aside
- Do your homework before meetings
- Find out who handles what and get to know how they prefer to communicate
Asking questions
- Educate yourself
- Be prepared, never assume and always clarify
- Question everything
Tenacity
- Be clear and focus on the end result
- Surround yourself with encouraging people
- Have a positive mindset
Being an advocate is hard work. You hit many road blocks, challenges and sometimes no matter what you do, you fail. My friend, don’t give up learn from each situation. You are the voice for your Loved One.
Saying no, is something you need to add as a healthy boundary. You can’t do it all. You can say no for your loved one. You can say no for yourself. You can say no to sustain your energy.
Here are my some key No statements I live by. As you listen, consider which one fit you or which ones spark ideas for you.
- Say NO to stress overload What is causing excess stress? What can you do to reduce it? Realize that stress overload will lead to burnout and further health issues for you.
- Say NO to dangers and threats . You may have to take a hard stand for your loved one when it comes to their safety.
- Say NO to guilt. You have to take care of yourself and put yourself first. You are doing the right thing by making prioritizing your health physically and mentally. Release your guilt.
- It’s important to stop the negative thoughts of guilt and shame
- You are allowed to rest and relax
- You are allowed to enjoy your passions and goals
- Say NO Negativity and toxicity This one is hard if this is your loved one. It may require you to practice responses and situations and even having hard conversation. When you let in negativity and toxic people, it will bring you down. I personally will not allow it. It sounds harsh but I have learned I can’t
- Say NO for your loved one.
- You may have to say no to visitors or people that may bring in a cold or covid. Be appreciative that they want to visit, but it may have to wait.
- You may have to have hard conversations with doctors, family, members etc
- Say NO to your reality and being ok staying still
- You have a choice to stand still and not change.
- You have a choice to wait until it’s all done
- You have a choice to step into your new reality and make changes for the better
- Don’t talk yourself out of change
- When you shift your thoughts and actions, it will feel uncomfortable
- Do you want to feel stuck and stressed or do you want a life of joy and gratitude?
I want to end with this analogy…. As a toddler, we wanted to explore everything, touching things, putting things in our mouth, and testing everything. What words did we hear all the time….. No. No. No. Little toddlers then start mimicking these words and start saying them too. But a toddler never stops exploring. They keep going and finding new things to explore. If mom tell him/her no, don’t touch that, they move on to another thing.
As a caregiver, keep going. Stand strong on your no and figure out what yours are. They are your healthy boundaries and expectations.
You may need to step up your organization skills now that you are a caregiver.
As caregivers, we want to be there for our loved ones. We do our best to schedule all the appointments and their needs the best we can.
As caregivers we also feel that our priorities should be last or are not as important as our loved ones. You and I may also feel torn - we have major projects at work or are up for a new promotion and now we have to balance caregiving. Or, you feel guilty for wanting to pursue your passions and you now have caregiving added. But if we try to balance it all…. What’s going to happen? Stress, burnout , fatigue, plus a whole lot of other emotions.
There are 4 phases I want to share with you when you are starting to organize your caregiver life.
- All in Phase
- Just get by Phase
- Eyes Wide Open Phase
- Stop and Sustain Phase
When you realize you are in that phase where you know things have to change - I want you to celebrate you and embrace that you are focusing on yourself. There is a percentage of caregivers that will never get to this point.
You have to decide what your priorities are right now.
- Your first priority should be you - I know it sounds uncomfortable but you need to schedule that time in right now. Is there a day of the week you are putting an X through and that’s your time. Or are mornings blocked You have to be fueled and ready to go.
- Then circle or highlight the places where you will be stretched, stressed or pressured. You can’t be in two places at one time or if things are too close together or back to back. List out what you can do to resolved it or reduce the stress.
- Then think through all your daily responsibilities, routines for that week - is there anything that can come off your schedule or you can outsource or say no to. What can you do to make life easier for a busy week?
When it comes to a busy caregiving life, you have to step up your organization and management game. I actually set aside one hour a week (usually Sunday evenings to plan). Being proactive can save you a lot of stress and make you feel better about your decision to put yourself first. Thinking like a manager and CEO of your life is key.
So I want you to try this going forward. Take a moment at the end of your week - maybe Saturday or Sunday and plan the next week ahead. You will thank yourself for a bit of organization and details.
Imagine what it would feel like if you had less stress and guilt? And you embraced more joy and gratitude?
Well I want to share 3 shifts that I have done consistently to keep my stress levels down. I hope when you listen to these today you can find one of these helpful to use right away or it sparks another idea to try.
The mistake I see so many caregiver make is filling up their schedule - time, energy with work, doctor appointments, house work (you fill in the blank here) . They jam back their day with so many priorities.
Finding changes or shifts to keep your stress levels down and really focusing on yourself is key
Shift 1: Morning Mindset
- Start the day with positivity, intent and control your stress
- It can be as simple as 15 minutes
Shift2: Adopt a Gratitude Practice
- Another huge mistake we as caregivers make is letting those feelings and thoughts just simmer and bubble inside us. We have moments where we feel resentful, angry and are frustrated. You feel like everything is pushing at you. It wears on you and you become this person you do recognize anymore - moody, withdrawn, sad, or negative.
- A Gratitude Practice
- Lowers stress
- Helps you be more resilient
- Encourages healthier behaviors
- Makes you happier
- A Gratitude Practice
Shift 3: Schedule Time Away
- You are so exhausted and find yourself with no energy and for me it was I cried at the drop of a pin or I my moods were out of control. You talk yourself out of it. Why?
- Benefits of time away
- Boost mental health
- Gives you time for physical activity
- Provides opportunity for fun and socialization
- Develops better ways of caring for your loved one
- Benefits of time away
All 3 of these shifts require some trial and error and some planning. You need to find what works for you.
To conclude today - you have choice each day. Caregiving is not easy. Caregiving pushes us to higher levels of stress, anxiety, guilt and pressure.
Based on my experiences, you have to get in front of them and find ways to reduce and release the stresses. If you don’t it can and will lead to health issues.
I hope you start a shift today. Drop me a dm @cathylynnvan and tell me how it’s going.
If you are looking for more help and working with me - I have a Caregiver Cup Program available which is online training and group coaching. It starts on November 15. For more information, go tohttps://www.cathylan.com/enroll
Caregiver stress and overwhelm is inevitable and the key is to keep it at a low level so it doesn't affect your health, performance or the care you give your loved one.
You may become so used to the stresses and pressure, that you just accept them. But my question is are you accepting the stresses, tasks, or things coming at you?
The biggest mistakes I see other caregivers make is filling up their days with everything they need to do (doctor appointments, errands, care for their loved one, work, household jobs, and on and on) and they put themselves last.
Or the other mistakes is they ignore the feelings, thoughts and triggers their mind is telling then.
By not putting ourselves first, what happens?
Usually we become burnt out, exhausted, and miserable.
It’s important to recognize your triggers - meaning what things are not you.
Are you more emotional than normal?
- What are these?
- Why are they happening?
- Are you forgetting things?
- Are you not yourself?
- How is your work performance?
- Are you feeling sick?
- Are you experiencing muscle aches?
- Are you sleeping?
- Are you eating?
- Are you becoming dependent on alcohol, drugs, sugar or caffeine?
These are all signs that you shouldn’t ignore. Stop and take some time to reflect on you.
Then look for ways to ease your workload. Ways to make things easier. Can you ask for help? Can you eliminate things? You can’t do everything.
- Outsourcing
- Help with housework
- Family help
Then where can you add time for yourself
If you ran a business and your employees were overworked and not happy and making mistakes, what would you hope the CEO would do?
Taking care of yourself is like a pie
- Physical well-being (sleep, diet, activity)
- Emotional well-being (feelings, thoughts)
- Spiritual well-being (gratitude and joy)
- Social - relationships with famly, friends, community and your loved one.
All 4 of these together and at it highest in the caregiving space is magical. But reality is that it’s a work in progress. That’s why it’s so important to schedule yourself time to do your own personal assessment and ask yourself where am I at.
If you are listening to this as it comes out, I have one more free masterclass training left on Wednesday, November 3 at 4pm CST. go to cathylvan/com/freemasterclass to register. In this training, I go through my 3 shifts that help me take control of my caregiver stress.
How hard is it to sit and wait. I have done it so many times and you would think it would get easier and I should have this action mastered. But each time is different. Each time is unique and feels different.
Do you agree?
I’m going to call this the “sit and wait syndrome”. It’s when you have to wait on test results, wait on further symptoms. Wait on healing. Wait to see if the meds will work.
Waiting is hard.
One of the biggest mistakes caregivers make is letting things get into their head. All the thoughts of what ifs and jumping to the worst when you don’t know what you are dealing with.
There is this love / hate with this sit and wait game
- You want to stay positive and optimistic.
- But… you still find yourself preparing for the worst.
I believe each of us has to go through this path in this sit and wait stage. It’s a normal process. But what I have learned is now practice is not to obsess over it too much.
You need to recognize the sit and wait symptoms - those emotions and thoughts that start visiting during this time.
- Worry (what is it for you - money, your job, how are you going to do it all) - https://www.cathylvan.com/episode46
- Sadness /crying (why are you crying. Your loved one is sick or injured)
- Disbelief or denial
- Anger (the disease, injury, blame your loved one)
- Frustrations - you may have to put something on hold - vacay, promotion, purchase
- Guilt (Not wanting to be a caregiver or this is not the time for this
- Grief (losing your loved one - they will never be the same again
- Feeling alone - they maybe sleeping alot or can’t do things with you
The overwhelm is heavy. It’s sucky and when you get in this place you can’t see how to get out of it.
The first times this happened to me I was feeling shame and didn’t share much with anyone. I kept saying to myself, I am not the one who is going through this cancer. Denis is.
But I have learned ways to get through it and shift my thinking. I couldn’t stay in the stress and bad thoughts. I wanted to feel positivity and joy.
I want to invite you to my FREE masterclass this week. In this masterclass I’m sharing 3 shifts that have worked for me. Changing your mindset - training your brain to reduce stress is not something you can just flip a switch too. I would be lying to you if I said it’s easy. https://www.cathylvan.com/freemasterclass
But over the last 4 years there have been a few that I do consistently and I do them everyday. When I don’t do these, overtime, the stress creeps back in.
This time around, Denis and I talked through our feelings and thoughts. We realized we are both scared and nervous this time around. We also realized that we are stronger and more connected than ever before.
We both are choosing to live with joy and gratitude for each other. For our team of medical professionals and most important for our family and community around us. It’s amazing how the worst that could happen can bring out the most heart and love.
So if you are struggling with your stress, I am here to help. You are not alone in this. Embrace where you are and be open to what you will learn in this new normal.
In today’s caregiver life, fear and uncertainty looks so different to you and I.
What is caregiver fear and uncertainty?
Uncertainty is the inability to know what will happen in the future. Your loved one’s disease and treatment can be scary and unpredictable. Feelings of fear and uncertainty among caregivers are normal. But, they can become a problem if you feel you have no control over life, which can cause anxiety, stress, depression or anger as a result.
What can you do about your fear and uncertainty?
Here are some tips:
- Don’t try to deny your fear. Talk about it.
- Try to avoid thinking about "what if's." Focus on the aspects of your life that you have control over. Go back to Episode 66 - Do You have the "if only" or "what if" syndrome?
- Try not to let your emotions and fears sway your decisions and thoughts
- Seek a professional if you can overcome your fears or it's causing stress and burnout.
- Give your mind a break. Distract yourself with a book, a movie or a friendly conversation, or ask a friend to spend time with you doing something fun.
- Find a support group like the Caregiver Cup Community
- Write down a list of things you’re grateful for. Look at why you are having the fears.
Know that you can’t predict how all of this will evolve. It won’t be easy, but trust that whatever happens, you will find the courage to face each challenge as it comes. You will have the wisdom to make the difficult decisions, and you will find the strength to do whatever has to be done.
So when you hear trick or treat this week - think about the fond memories and take in all the smiles of those little ones. Enjoy some fun monster music. Listen to some of the ghostbusters music say who you gonna call “fear busters” - which is you by the way. I know that’s pretty cheesy but it was fun. Have a good day and embrace a bit of joy and gratitude.
Last year at this time, I released my first episode I had no idea what to expect when i started this back on October 20, 2020. All I know is that I had many experiences, lessons learned and that I wanted to share my voice through a podcasting platform.
I found a great course through Krystal Proffitt, called Proffitt Podcasting. If you are ever thinking of podcasting, here's the link
I remember getting super excited when my first podcast had 10 downloads. I laugh now because most podcasts are getting thousands of downloads each episode but I all I knew is that I want to help one woman at a time - and that holds true for me today.
In this episode, I want to share some of the messages, reviews and emails.
Here’s to another year together. We cant’ predict the future but we can look at it with strength and positivity.
Do don’t forget to fill your cup first. Embrace the little things and Find joy in the journey
How often have you heard the words: Grant yourself grace. Cut yourself some slack. It’s ok to love yourself.
- Being kind to yourself when you dropped the ball on something you normally would have done easily
- Being kind to yourself even if you neglected your own self-care
- Being courteous to your loved one and letting go of the frustrations knowing you're doing the best you can
- Learning to allow yourself to let go of the things you fall short of accomplishing
- Loving yourself and your spouse despite our faults
- Forgiveness for yourself and your loved one in the face of times of anger or resentful
- Allowing yourself to release that guilt for taking a mental health day.
Grace means:
- approval, favor stayed in his good graces,
- archaic : mercy, pardon
- a special favor : privilege
- disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
- a temporary exemption : reprieve
As a caregiver you may feel overwhelmed, depressed and alone. This is where grace comes in. Grace is giving yourself the stamp of approval, showing yourself kindness, granting yourself clemency, finding reprieve.
Giving yourself grace is a choice. Giving yourself grace is an art and it takes practice. Giving yourself grace can heal and bring you peace.
It’s a mindset shift. Especially in your caregiving season, it’s important to adopt a grace mindset
- Don't be perfect, be real. The goal is to not be perfect, but be genuine. Be real.
- Mess up, but don't let yourself feel bad. It's OK to admit you were wrong, but don't let the guilt eat you alive.
- Give yourself permission to not do everything.
- Never feel selfish for taking "me" time.
- Do one thing a day you're proud of. Find mini wins.
Whatever grace looks like for you, give it to yourself. If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, stretched, fatigued, or angry. Take a step back and think about the situation. What could you do to grant yourself grace. Did you need to fill that to do list so heavy today? You made a mistake - you are human. What caused that mistake? You didn’t do it on purpose.
Bottom line, don't sweat the small stuff. Give yourself permission, grace, love and light - because you deserve it.
I think Grace and the way you extend grace to yourself comes with setting your own expectations and healthy boundaries, understanding your challenges / reality and understanding your loved one.
- Take some time and asking what are you expecting of yourself in this moment. Really journaling this all out. Going back to just what we talked about - you are not perfect. But I also want you to reflect on your people pleasing skills Take the quiz. https://www.cathylvan.com/quiz
- How can I set healthy boundaries and allow grace to fill my soul. Lose the guilt for others helping or your loved one is inconvenienced by you not being there or lonely.
- Understanding very clearly your entire situation and your loved one. The disease, the emotions, the feelings, the triggers, Everything. Because I think you and I may own things we don’t need to own.
Hope in some way that I have been able to give you hope and that you can give yourself grace through this process. You’ll find you’ll make a better caregiver!
This episode is one that makes me uncomfortable to talk about but is also a topic that we as caregivers experience. The reduction of intimacy and a sexual relationship is a major part of the grief and sense of loss that caregivers experience when they are providing necessary care to a spouse. ... Caregiving changes roles and expectations and the emotional attachment that was once the catalyst for intimacy and sex may suffer.
Unfortunately, losing the intimate aspect of a relationship can sadden both the caregiver and your spouse. We all crave closeness, and we crave it especially during periods of duress -- such as when we are unsure of the future, or scared of losing our independence. Maintaining a close relationship is important and should be comforting
Caregivers may worry that physical affection will hurt their loved one or that they won't be in the mood for even kissing or snuggling, much less sexual intercourse
A lot of caregivers feel quite selfish that intimacy is even on their minds, given all that's going on with their partner. But taking time for intimacy can be an invaluable source of comfort for both partners when they're facing a health crisis or managing a chronic illness. Here are a few tips to consider to stay intimate when your become your partner's caregiver:
- Talk openly to your loved one.
- Consider talking to licensed professional.
- Manage your expectations and take time to understand everything.
- Go on dates. You don't have to do anything fancy; just find activities where you and your partner can connect in nonphysical ways. ers, not caregiver and care recipient, just for a couple of hours.
- Set your own rules. You might try:
- Holding hands as often as possible
- Stroking each other’s hair
- Hugging frequently
- Giving each other a shoulder or foot massage
- Writing each other notes
- Cuddling
Find new things to bond over. Although caring for a spouse might fundamentally alter the relationship, it does not need to signal the end of intimacy in marriage.
Caregiving can be compared to the winter season. The first snowfall of the season feels new. You get excited and are looking out the window. There is something beautiful about the white precipitation covering the treats, ground and roof tops. You put on the boots, new sweaters, scarves and coats. Even shoveling the driveway and sidewalks are fun. Kids are outside.The dog is running around and rolling in it.
You can think the same way about being a new caregiver. When you get the sudden title of caregiver or it happens over time, those first parts of taking on that role can be compared to that snowfall. Everything is new and feels easy. You don’t mind doing the errands, nursing, doctor’s appointments and taking care of your loved ones. You may not like cancer, lupus, diabetes, kidney disease or whatever is controlling your loved ones health.
The winter cold and snow usually start in December. It’s nice to have the snow during the holiday season. There is a winter peace, relaxation and hibernation time - fireplaces, cozy blankets, movies and warm beverages.
As caregivers, we start settling in too. We find that routine, ways to make the best of it and are starting to accept this new reality. There is a beautiful love and gift in taking care of your loved one.
Winter in January/February sets in. The snow is no longer exciting. It just keeps piling up, Driving is a challenge. Skies are always gray. Trees are dormant. Days are short. You have to layer up on clothes. Heating bills are very high. Cabin Fever sets in. You are feeling the Winter Blues.
As caregivers, the cabin fever can set in very fast too. Feeling lonely, missing your friends, missing time outside the house, feeling disconnected from the outside world and more.
You can choose to feel bored, stuck or lonely or find ways to make the best of the cabin fever. Caregiving brings its own winter blues - sadness, depression, feelings of stuck and overwhelm, finding ways reduce and release the stress and anxiety is necessary and more. If you don’t the winter blues will snowball.
Reality sets in and you start feeling the pinch. What is it for you - emotions, finances, time?
Mid winter, many folks(aka snow birds) plan a trip south to just soak in some sun and warmth. Breaking up the winter, helps us recharge. Same goes for caregiving - respite care or taking time away.
The winter months go on and on and on When my Dad lost his fight to pancreatic cancer, we had a major snow storm on April 17. Just when you think Spring is coming it’s continues on and on. You can feel the emotions and frustrations with more snow, slush and cold. In major storms , you can lose power, schools close, cars get stuck and the world seems like it stops.
This caregiving journey can feel like the dead of winter and the snow keeps coming and coming. Frustration, anger, resentment and fear, just to name a few. Things can be heavy and you may even lose hope. It’s unfortunately part of this caregiver role. But I have found ways to dig myself out or slowly get back on track.
We can’t control the caregiver snow. But we have to find ways to work through it, embrace the small things and find joy in the journey.
There is beauty in every snowfall. The sticky snow where it stays on the tree branch. The bright sun reflecting off the snow, seeing the steam coming from the roof tops and the icicles
You make the best of your situation.
Do you have a routine that works for you?
A morning ritual, routine or habit can be key in reducing or releasing overwhelm. That stress and anxiety you get in this very difficult caregiving journey.
The goal of your morning habit varies depending on you. It varies depending on your caregiving season. But you need to think of the benefits it can do for you.
Why mornings? - start your day with intention. No phones, no social media,
When you set intention and purpose in the morning by getting up early and having a plan, you can eliminate some of the stressors.
Let me share 7 ways to create a spiritual morning routine. This may be just what you need right now in your caregiver season (blog from Jasmine Cisneros)
Going through life without a spiritual routine is a lack of self-care. There must be a routine to follow that allows you to stay balanced, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
What you do first thing in the morning can set the tone for the rest of the day.
You can have a routine or spiritual practice; you follow for a more inspiring, productive day. Here are some 15 minute examples that may just work for you.
- Wake up 15 minutes early and meditate
- Gratitude Journal
- Move your body
- Write and Journal
- Read
- Make Your Bed and Clean
- Make Time For Nothing
You may not have tons of time for you right now. But think about how 15 minutes in the morning can set the stage for a better day. A better inner-peacemay help you with your overwhelm.
A light bulb moment happened between our my wedding anniversary celebration and today, that I want to share with you. You know I'm all about sharing my challenges, struggles and experiences with you in hopes that it will help you. As you are listening to this and you have more insights, definitely, DM me on Instagram @cathylynnvan or message me on on The Caregiver Cup Facebook Page.
Do you catch yourself saying "if only" statements?
- If only things were different and my loved one wasn’t sick, I would do this.
- If only cancer didn’t stick its nose into my damm life, I could do something fun.
- If only I didn’t have to work and make sure we have health insurance.
Is the “if only” syndrome robbing you of your happiness? A bad case of the “if onlys” eats away at gratitude. It makes us focus on the things we don’t have.
This is not so easy to do. We are all plagued by “if only”-ism often. What are yours?
It’s a guarantee of unhappiness.
The other trap is “What if?”:
- “What if I lose my job”
- “What if lose our home?”
- “What if my loved one doesn’t get better?”
- “What if my friends don’t understand me?”
- “What if just leave?”
- “What if the medical tests bring bad news?”
- “What if get sick?”
- “What if I fail?”
This mindset leads to fear. I am afraid of what will happen if the “What if” comes true. And this can be a paralyzing fear.
The “What if” syndrome is especially hard for those of us with an overactive imagination—we are often visionaries; we are creative. We tend to have this weakness, however: We can create the worst-case scenario in our imagination in three seconds flat! It can be terrifying.
What’s at the core of your thoughts? That’s what you have to figure out. That’s what I had to figure out. Why was I feeling this way? Why was my mind going there? What was the root cause.?
We may recognize that’s not realistic, but too often we live with the thoughts without even realizing it. I had to accept that when I am overwhelmed and tired, it’s easy me to go to the negative side. It’s my “fall to” mindset.
Overall, journaling/expressive writing has been found to: PositivePyschology.com
- Boost your mood/affect
- Enhance your sense of well-being
- Reduce symptoms of depression before an important event
- Reduce intrusion and avoidance symptoms post-trauma
- Improve your working memory
I can’t stress enough the power to journal 5 things you are grateful. Writing it down trains your brain to think gratitude first. In my situation, I didn’t ignore the negativity. I spent time writing it out.
I am very excited to share an interview I had recently with TJ Condon who has a remarkable story. She was a caregiver to her in-laws, first, then to her husband through his liver transplant and now to her father with bladder cancer. She also had her own diagnosis of thyroid cancer. During all of this, she continued working full-time and wrote the book, Some Assembly Required, A True Story Of Love And Organ Transplants.
I bought the book and immediately found attachment. I have highlighted so many things and tabs everywhere since TJ words, stories and shear humor, is helping me think differently about caregiving.
TJ Condon is a marketing executive and publish writer. She is a passionate advocate for organ donation, is an active volunteer for NJ Sharing Network (Donate Life America affiliate) and has served as a board member for a number of non-profit organizations. TJ holds a Master of Communication and Information Studies degree from Rutgers University and a Bachelors of Arts in English from Dickinson College.
The interview had so many good pieces from how her caregiving story started with her husband Jim, to how she found humor in the little things to our discussions on challenges and asking for help. Here are a few of TJ words that I want to you to listen to:
“Things will be terrible before they’re great”
“The sicker they get the small your life gets”
“Work to find the funny”
More information about TJ Condon:
- Meet the Author (2 minutes): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHHfN77y8_w
- Some Assembly Required Book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Some-Assembly-Required-Organ-Transplant-ebook/dp/B094RJ6BN5
- A Transplant Tale: https://alumni.rutgers.edu/stay-connected/alumni-news-and-stories/a-transplant
Author of Some Assembly Required: A True Story of Love and Organ Transplants, available now on Amazon. WINNER: 2021 Today's Caregiver Friendly Award
- e: tjcondonwrites@gmail.com
- w: tjcondonwrites.com
- f: facebook.com/tjcondonwrites
Reality is... You are only one person. You are human. You are going through that cancer with your loved one too Or that kidney disease. Or that dementia. Or that - you will in the blank.
Your pain may not be seen. You might not have that diagnosis. But you do have your own things going on behind the curtain.
Whatever your situation, it is important to remember that you, too, are important. All of your emotions, good and bad, about caregiving are not only allowed, but are valid and important.As caregivers, we are reluctant to express these negative feelings for fear we will be judged (or judge ourselves) or don’t want to burden others with our problems.
So it’s time to STOP avoiding your thoughts. STOP brushing off your feelings, STOP putting yourself on the back burner.
The common, often hard to admit feelings that you may experience. Once you can identify these, you are better ready to find solutions.
- Ambivalence
- Anger
- Anxiety
- Boredom
- Crankiness, Irritability
- Depression , Sadness
- Disgust
- Embarrassment
- Fear
- Frustration
- Grief
- Guilt
- Impatience
- Jealousy
- Lack of Appreciation
- Loneliness
- Loss
- Resentment
- Tiredness
Kandis Draw became a caregiver suddenly in 2011 when her mom wasdiagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian cancer and also had to take care of her younger siblings. She was her mom's primary caregiver for 3.5 years. Through her challenges and struggles she found community, resources and courage. Kandis has learned strength, resilience and how to recover trauma that caregiving can bring.
Kandis Draw lives in Chicago, is a classically trained pianist and a lover of philanthropy. She is a member of the Aids Foundation of Chicago Associate Board, Gilda’s Club Chicago Associate Board, and is an active member on the Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance. She writes a column for Curvicality Magazine which is an online magazine which focuses on lifestyle, fashion, fitness and inspiration, all while promoting positive body imagery for plus-size women.
Read more and follow Kandis:
Advocacy work: https://ocrahope.org/2020/06/drawing-upon-strength-speaking-her-truth-meet-an-advocate-leader/
Caregiver Tips: https://www.caregiving.com/posts/honoring-black-caregivers-for-black-history-month
Have you ever wanted to quit? You just want to walk away. You had enough. You know it’s not healthy for you, but you you know you can’t leave.
So many of us have these feelings which stop us from having a joyful life. It prevents us from having what can be a beautiful, amazing caregiver life.
You feel like you have to stay where you are at and you feel like this hamster on a wheel that never ends and you feel miserable. You have to get over the belief that quitting is not an option.
I’m probably shocking you right now by telling you this YOU CAN QUIT.
If something is not right in your life or causing more harm than good, you should look for solutions. Stop doing what’s not right for you and open up some white space to new choices and opportunities. If something isn’t right or it feels wrong, you can and should take a serious look at it and change it.
I know you're probably saying, I can’t right now. I am a caregiver and that's the new change I was handed. But that’s only the surface and until you think deeper, you'll stay stuck.
Some of us may say: I will wait unit or it’s not the right time or I’m waiting for a sign to happen or a reason to change.
The sign is now. You know when things need to change. You know when you need to pull away and stop, think or quit that part that isn’t right. Listen to your internal intuition, body and soul. Then tell yourself “I have to change the situation and myself.
What happens when you wait or start questioning a change? Soon you'll talk yourself out of it.
It’s important that if you recognize that your health is suffering because you are doing too many things. Well then you want to make changes sooner than later. Caregiver stress will turn into burnout.
It’s about beginning sooner than you're ready for. It'll feel uncomfortable. It'll feel scary. But, you need to start taking back the controls.
That’s the whole idea of courage. You may not know how it will turn out. You have no idea if it will work. But that’s the whole idea of Everything is Figureoutable. Trust in your ability to figure it out.
Let's talk about what NOT to do and that is wait for the perfect day or time to change. That will never come. Decide on a day to start. You may be saying I don’t know how to make the change. Then think about the next step and plan. Who will you have to talk to? What research do you need to do? What action will you need to take? What support will you need?What resources do I need?
Don’t wait . You can make changes. You have the strength.
Most caregivers will go through this journey with so many health issues, negativity, self-confidence issues, trauma, lack of hope, and never rebound from this. You are an amazing woman with free will. Free will is a gift that you can use right now.
If your negative thoughts are in the way, pull out your journal and write that resignation letter to your negative mindset and say “i quit” to your negativity.
If your health is suffering, it’s a clear sign you need to identify your stressors and make drastic changes. Are you ready to fire your excuses and start taking back some time for yourself?
Are you ready to take control of your financial worries and start looking for resources and solutions, take that first step. Stop letting that worry take over your thoughts.
What choice and change is necessary in your caregiver life?
I was interviewed by Esther Mzbabazi from The ReThinking Caregiving Podcast. Esther is an oncology nurse, entrepreneur helping caregivers learn more about this world of caregiving and a friend from Norway, I met about a year ago in B School.
She introduces her podcast with this intro:
A colon cancer diagnosis to a spouse is devastating, facing it without a guide can be overwhelming. With less stress, you will be able to confidently step into the caregiver role. As a caregiver, you have limited control over things like your loved one’s condition, treatment, or prognosis. ReThinking Caregiving Podcast guides caregivers of spouses getting cancer treatments as they step into the uncharted waters of caregiving. Would you like to be a happier caregiver? Please come join us.
I was humbled and honored to be interviewed by Esther. The interview is a bit long but there are dozens of golden nuggets that may help you. Listen to ReThinking Caregiving PodcastFollow Esther @arisehaven
More resources to help you in your caregiving journey
- Three Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm
- The Caregiver Cup Quiz
**Listen to the 7 key findings that I used to find more caregiver joy.
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DO - Do what’s best for you.** Your loved one’s care and journey is unique and personal. Your situation is your own and you know what’s best for you and your loved one. Do you. Do it the best way you can. Do what’s right. Do what you feel you can do. Do find your team. Do: you fill in the blank.
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Don’t Do. You don’t have to do everything. I learned very fast in this caregiver life, that you need to start learning how to say no and not feeling guilty about it. If you can’t commit to another thing, that’s ok. What are your don’ts?
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Delegate - this one is so important, You're asking for help. What things can you delegate or outsource or automate? Listen to Episode 20 on caregiver hacks to find you more time. Take a moment and really look at what you are doing. Everything from your home life to errands to finances to work to caregiving.
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Delete What can you delete. Those things you can’t do or that causes you too much stress. Now I caution you. It’s easy to say I can’t workout right now since I don’t have the time. That may be true, but you need to move your body. You need to stay healthy and commit to your well-being and that can’t be a deletion. But really go through what you can delete right now. Get the 3 Levels of Caregiver Overwhelm
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Doubt It’s normal to experience feelings of doubt when you’re faced with new challenges. However it can be debilitating. It can lead to anxiety, depression, procrastination, lack of motivation, anger, and difficulty making decisions. As caregivers we need to be our loved one advocate and that in itself is hard. and also stand up for yourselves and do what’s best . Release that doubt and know that you're figuring out your new normal and this caregiving life.
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Daily I’m talking about your daily habits. Listen to Episode 28andEpisode 42area about morning practices. But what are you doing daily for yourself? Are you eating healthy, drinking your water and making sure you’re getting your sleep. Are you finding quiet time to journal and practicing gratitude. Your daily practices and habits will keep your mind, body and soul in tact and be able tohandle the stressor and challenges in this difficult season.
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Decide Decide your attitude. Make a choice. You can choose to figure it out. You can choose to ask for help. You can choose to stay sad or find joy in the little things. You can look at the glass half empty or you can look at this beautiful thing you are going for your loved one.
So which D are you going to work on ? Take one and really focus in on it this week. Grab a journal or notepad and put your thoughts on paper. I promise you, if you work on just one, you will see a difference. You will start seeing joy.
In today’s episode I want to share a recording of a Live session I did with The Caregiver Cup Community. I shared an article I found in caregiver.com by Mary Damiano
As you listen to this episode today, I want you to think about two things
- What can you do to put yourself first - carving out just 30 minutes each day can make huge changes in your energy.
- What motivates you? Not everyone is a runner. Not everyone is a morning morning. You need to find what works best for you to recharge. So be open and listen to all the tips but then personalize it to your values and your current situation right now.
Recharging your batteries is one of the most important ways to help your loved one.
R: Rest. One of the most important things a caregiver can do for the person they’re caring for is to take care of themselves. A caregiver who wears himself out, and keeps going 24/7 risks burnout.
E: Eat right. Take a cue from your loved one’s diet and take the opportunity to eat healthy things as well. Maybe you don’t have to adhere to such a strict diet, but eating right certainly never hurts.
C: Communicate your needs to others. Don’t expect anyone, even other family members to read your mind about what you need or what your loved one needs. Let people around you know the things that need to be done and that occasionally; even you could use a hand.
H: Hydrate. Drink lots of water. Water hydrates your body and keeps you energized. Take vitamins if you don’t get enough nutrition from your food.
A: Accept help. This can be the hardest thing for the caregiver to do, but it’s one of the best things a caregiver can do for their loved one and for themselves. When people offer to help, often caregivers turn them down because they don’t want to burden them or because they can’t think of something off the top of their heads. Get over the notion that the only way to get it done is to do it yourself. When you have a few moments, really think about the kinds of things that will make life a little easier. Then when people ask how they can help, you’ll be ready. When you tell someone something very specific, they’re more comfortable doing it, and you’ll get the help you need. Helping makes people feel good about themselves. Don’t deprive anyone of that joy.
R: Respite. Caregivers should make a point of getting away sometimes, to take a mini-respite for themselves. A movie, lunch somewhere, window shopping or just walking along the beach or through a park can be enough to get some distance, and come back with a fresh perspective on things.
G: Get enough sleep. This is often the hardest one to manage because you’re on someone else’s schedule. But sleep is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Eight hours are ideal, but the concept of getting eight uninterrupted hours of sleep might be impossible. Try breaking sleep up. Get what you can in one shot, but take a nap during the day. A short nap can be very refreshing and just the thing you need to get you through the day.
E: Exercise. Anything will help. Walk around the block a few times a day when you have a few spare minutes. Try yoga, something that will exercise your muscles, yet relax your mind. Meditate. Spend a few minutes alone and quiet.
Make RECHARGE a 'Must' and Not a 'Should'
Our values motivate us and tend to influence our attitudes and behavior. If self-care isn’t valued as much as caregiving, work and family, then self-care inevitably falls by the wayside.
So what can you do to put yourself first. I encourage you to carve out 30 minutes each day.
I'm now 4 years into my caregiving journey. As I look back I see 4 stages I went through and want to share these with you:
Stage 1: THE NEW STAGE.
- The initial news fills you with shock, disbelief and all those emotions
- Then you jump in telling yourself I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll figure it out
- Here’s where I became obsessed with google - searching anything and everything about your loved one’s condition.
- You form your team - doctors, nurse navigators, family support, etc
- You try to figure out the who advocacy stuff
- You're taking care of your loved one
- This stage is focused on the NOW, the NEW and just figuring it out.
- You just want to get going on your loved one’s care
- You are putting your needs to the side
Stage 2: ROUTINE OR SETTLING IN STAGE.
- Things have now become routine somewhat
- You're trying to figure out how to balance work, home, caregiving
- Workload and to do list is bigger
- Fatigue is usually setting in
- Stress is increasing
- You start feeling stretched
- You may find yourself doing things alone
- You and your loved one are more comfortable with your team (doctors, nurses, help)
- You and your loved one are more comfortable with the clinic, labs, treatments, etc
- You become more of an expert with your loved one’s condition
- You're more comfortable with caregiving
- There are good days and bad days
- Your nutrition and self-care looks different
Stage 3: AWARENESS AND REALITY or as I call it the LIGHT BULB GOES ON
- Caregiving is taking its toll on your health both physically and mentally
- It affects your relationships
- You may be struggling with finances
- You may not see it or may not want to admit it yet - you may want to run from it.
- You realize you can’t do it all and shouldn’t have taken this all on yourself
- You hope it will go away
- Caregiving becomes a burden
- Wishing for your old life
- Realizing that you're stuck, stretched and overwhelmed and don’t know how to get out.
But then something happens in this difficult stage - you begin to see reality
Stage 4: FIGURE OUT STAGE
- You start shifting.
- You can see what is causing overwhelm, stress, stretched and stuck
- Seeing everything is KEY to moving forward and getting to a better caregiver life.
- You start asking for help
- You start putting yourself first
- You're open to trying new habits and routines
- You can learn ways to release overwhelm
- You find purpose
- You start pursing your passions WHILE caregiving w/o guilt
- Personal growth and courage happens
- You may have to make hard decisions
Caregiving is a journey. Being a caregiver is an on-the-job training like no other.
You can just go through the motions or you can take it as a beautiful gift.
I've learned so much about my loved ones, their diseases, the medical profession and most importantly myself through this journey that is still going.
I'm so grateful that I can share my journey with you on The Caregiver Cup Podcast. Soon, very soon, I'll be sharing a free webinar with you regarding the shifts I made when moving from Stage 3 to 4.
Be the first to register for this free webinar (coming soon) by going to cathylvan.com/freewebinar
What do you do when you are in a funk, super overstressed, and are stuck in this bad space?
Affirmations are a self-help strategy used to prompt self-confidence and belief in your own abilities. They're positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often, and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes.
Affirmation can help you shift your mindset. Help you believe yourself even when you are fearful or have failed.
Neuroplasticity, or your brain’s ability to change and adapt to different circumstances throughout your life, offers a clue to help understand not only what makes affirmations work, but how to make them more effective.
Your brain sometimes gets a little mixed up on the difference between reality and imagination, which can be surprisingly useful.
Creating a mental image of yourself doing something activates many of the same brain areas that actually experiencing these situations would.
Regular repetition of affirming statements about yourself can encourage your brain to take these positive affirmations as fact. When you truly believe you can do something, your actions often follow.
Using affirmation before any event, may help you feel more relaxed and help you avoid those negative thoughts or doubts that enter your mind.
There are many ways to put affirmations into your daily habits. Repeating an affirmation can help boost your motivation and confidence, but you still have to take some action yourself. Try thinking of affirmations as a step toward change, not the change itself.
Affirmation practices you can use:
- Affirmations with Visualization .
- Affirmations help setting personal goals .
- Journaling Gratitude with affirmation
- Find a quiet spot and journal "I am….".
- Morning or evening routines
- Add in activity with your affirmations
Trouble using positive affirmations? It’s a learned practice.
- Do NOT force yourself to think positively. Allow negative thoughts to flow
- Embrace your negative thoughts. Breathe deeply and listen to your negative thoughts
- Reframe your past. Ask yourself, What has this experience taught me?
- Be patient. Changing your mindset takes time and practice.
- Reach out for support.
The life of a caregiver is one of constant ups and downs, with no two days alike. It’s a life filled with struggles, as well as triumphs. Unfortunately, being a caregiver is oftentimes a thankless job. A caregiver’s life revolves around this role, with little attention paid to his or her own mental health and wellbeing. With so much to attend to, it’s easy to understand how negative thoughts, doubts, or frustration creep in.
It's important to reflect and show gratitude for yourself. A first step involves converting negative thinking into positive thinking. If we use them as a tool to understand ourselves better, positive affirmations can shine some light on what needs to heal and which beliefs hold us back.
When we are going through change / hard seasons, you need that purpose to get you out of bed on those hard days. Need a reason You need a why.
What’s going to motivate you more. It most likely is not work, caregiving and netflix. You need something that’s going to keep you alive
There are three phases of our caregiver normal:
- 1st phase of being a new caregiver - that honeymoon stage
- Everything is new
- You go all in and do whatever it takes
- You are totally committed and feel you can do it all
- You may be sad, worried and can’t focus
- 2nd phase: reality sinks in
- You ask yourself - Is this my life?
- Can i really do this forever?
- You feel personal loss, loneliness and miss your old life.
- 3rd phase: you have choices to change yourself and the situation
- "We can’t control the storms coming in our life, but we can control how we work through the storms." Trent Shelton
- You are in Acceptance of the journey, challenges and new normal
- You can’t stay stuck
- You see the importance of changing things and the results it has if you don’t change it.
- You're moving to deciding on your purpose and what you are going to make of your situation.
What is your purpose?
- Needs to Matter to YOU.
- Must be bigger than you.
- Something you are working on for the future
What kind of impact do you want to leave in this world?
If you don’t think you can leave your footprint in this world as a caregiver, Friend, let me tell you …. YOU CAN. You actually are.
Are you living a passion filled life? Are you called to do something bigger?
Can you shed self-doubt, find inspiration and change your life for the better? Heck Ya!
Because when caregiving is over (whatever the outcome brings to you), you want to be proud of yourself for what you did.
Gratitude is a gift — and gratitude changes everything. When we allow ourselves to look critically at our lives through the lens of gratitude, and to focus on the many reasons we have to be grateful, life gets better. ... A focus on gratitude reduces stress and increases levels of contentment. It truly is life-changing.
Resilient people proactively cultivate positive emotions like humor, gratitude and optimism. You don’t even have to find anything to be grateful for. The simple act of looking for the positive decreases the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Just looking for something to appreciate increases serotonin and dopamine, the feel-good neurochemicals in most antidepressants.
Gratitude affects your brain at a neurological level. A gratitude practice has a positive impact on: sleep, mood, alertness, physical risk markers for future disease, happiness, better financial decision making, problem solving, optimism, productivity, and goal orientation. People who practice gratitude are perceived as more likable, have fewer aches and pains, have increased self esteem, and make friends more easily. Practicing gratitude lowers stress, enhances empathy, lowers your risk of cancer, high blood pressure, and diabetes, and it improves your immune system and cardiovascular health.
Our brain has a negativity bias, causing it to constantly scan the environment for what’s wrong. You can train the brain by sitting in a positive experience for 15-20 seconds. Really soak in that beautiful moment, appreciate it, and relish the feeling. You have to deliberately sustain and internalize positive emotions to transfer them from short-term memory to long-term storage. You can’t just have the experience. You have to install it.
There is literally no downside to practicing gratitude.
Ways to incorporate gratitude into you daily life.
- Journaling for 5 minutes a day about what you are grateful for can enhance long-term happiness by 10%.
- Write a letter, send a text or email thanking someone.
- Give a compliment.
- Say thank you.
- Post or tweet gratitude
- Post a positive review
- Call you family or friend and thank them
- Hang words around your house (sticky notes, dry erase marker on mirror, screen saver, flip calendar)
- Round robin at dinner table
- Driving reminders
- Bedtime routine
- Set your phone alarm
- Add gratitude songs to your playlist
- When faced with a challenge - first focus on the positive - state it aloud first
- Turn off the negativity (news, FB, sad tv)
- Surround yourself with positivity people and places
- Create a gratitude jar, or simply recount the best parts of your day when you fall asleep at night. We are so busy in our constant search for happy that we forget happiness isn’t a trait, it’s a skill.
You have the power to change your brain and your life. Soon your practice will become a habit
You're a busy woman caregiver who feels pressured to be able to do it all, juggling your career, family, caregiving, managing the household and more.
Superwoman Syndrome is exactly what it says it is - trying to be Superwoman. And more often than not, you're feeling overworked, overwhelmed and overly committed. You're also exhausted, anxious and stressed. But don't worry - you are not alone.
According to Dr. Madeline Ann Lewis, co-author of Overcoming the Superwoman Syndrome, some of us wear this imaginary cape because we:
- Want to be the good, little girl
- Have a tendency towards people-pleasing
- Seek attention
- Want to feel like you can do it all
- You cannot say no to others
- To feel accomplished
- Have low self-esteem
- Strive for perfection
The Superwoman is also a good person, duty oriented, very responsible and truly desires to do what is right.
Symptoms of superwoman syndrome and caregiver burnout:
- Bouts of irritability
- Inability to sleep or excessive sleep
- Memory issues
- Muscle tension
- Anxiety
- Sweating when not physically active
- Inability to concentrate
- General aches and pains
It’s important to be aware of what your body is trying to tell you. Aspiring to a level of perfectionism that is not attainable and sacrificing your well-being consistently will inevitably lead you down the path to caregiver stress, burnout and eventually fatigue. It may rob you of your joy.
Accumulated stress opens the door to a multitude of health issues, including early aging, heart disease, diabetes, obesity and gastrointestinal conditions.
So it’s time to take off that costume and cape.
When you recognize that superwoman syndrome or caregiver burnout is present in your caregiver life, it’s time to. Shed that costume, untie that cape and figure out ways to overcome this.
First and foremost it’s not easy to admit that you can’t do it all. You don’t need to control and do everything. It’s ok to let things go. It feels very uncomfortable and you may even feel guilty. But remember, you can’t sacrifice your well-being.
Four Important Tips to overcome Superwoman Syndrome
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Ask for help
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You cannot do everything yourself.
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Listen to Episode 20 Caregiver Hacks to Find More Time for more info on saving time
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Take time out for you
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Schedule breaks into your calendar and hold yourself to it.
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Find more information - Episode 40 How respite care can reduce caregiver burnout
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Learn to say no
“No” is not a dirty word. Start saying no to things that you don’t want, or don’t have the time, to do. Figure out what your priorities are. -
In last weeks episode (53) Lisa Allarid shares how she is working on her priorities.
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Let go of your perfectionism
Just because you can have and do it all doesn’t necessarily mean you should. -
Take time to prioritize what you need
- Then what is important to you.
Remember - Superwoman is a fictional character, not a role model, and trying to be her isn’t sustainable or healthy.
Lisa Allarid was faced with huge adversity and a new normal in December of 2018 when her husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease. She's a mom of 4 and works in the finance industry.
She had to learn about kidney disease, nutrition, and how the donor system works.
Lisa also shares how she stopped taking care of herself, going out with friends and really hitting rock bottom before she realized the importance of her needs.
You will find some amazing golden nuggets about half way through the interview when Lisa shares how she is embracing her new normal by knowing what type of caregiver she is., what her strengths are, and what her weaknesses are.
As she is growing and figuring out how to be a better caregiver and most importantly a better person to herself, she is expressing what she needs. She's a beautiful role model and teaching her children the true meaning of love and caregiving.
Follow Lisa on Instagram at @lisaallarid and @steveneedsakidney
When something's bothering you, you know that getting your mind off of it is easier said than done. In fact, research shows that when people are instructed not to think about a specific topic, it makes it even harder to get that topic out of their minds. But rehashing negative thoughts over and over in your head, also known as rumination, can be unpleasant and counterproductive
Negative thinking can contribute to problems such as anxiety, depression, stress, and low self-esteem. The key to changing your negative thoughts is to understand how you think now
One of the first steps toward changing your negative thinking patterns is understanding exactly how you think. This involves identifying any cognitive distortions you may be experiencing, which can lead to negative thoughts. Meaning the (faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking)
Negative thinking patterns:
- Jumping to conclusions:
- Catastrophizing
- Overgeneralization
- Labeling
- "Should" statements
- Emotional reasoning
- Personalization and blame
When negative thoughts and rumination sets in, there are ways to overcome or reduce them.
- Pause, Stop and Shift
- Keep Positive Company
- Physically Throw Them Away
- Explore Calming Techniques
- Reframe Your Situation
Most of us spend a lot of time inside our own mind — worrying about the future, replaying events in the past, and generally focusing on the parts of our caregiver life that leave us dissatisfied. While common, negative or unwanted thoughts can prevent you from finding joy in the small things, distract you from focusing on what's important, and drain your energy. They can also make you feel anxious, stressed and depressed.
The good news is that with dedicated practice, you can replace negative thinking patterns with thoughts that actually help. This can make a huge difference in your day-to-day happiness and comfort.
Find out your caregiver style by taking the Caregiver Cup Quiz. This quiz will take less than 3 minutes but will give you tons and tons of valuable insights into your caregiver style, your behaviors, your tendencies and how your style impacts your caregiving and most importantly you and your well-being.
Join theCaregiver Cup Community. This private Facebook group will provide you with a community of positive support where you can find tips, motivation and free training each Wednesday.
Sharing some conversations about my past and how our past experiences and stories help us be a better caregiver. What are your stories and experiences that you are glad that you have now?
Message me on Instagram @cathylynnvan or email me at cathy@cathylvan.com
Have you said to yourself : Why don’t I have the energy like I used to have? Or, I am so tired all the time.
It’s called caregiver fatigue. This occurs when you feel emotionally and physically exhausted. You are wearing out. You are feeling totally used up due to too many demands. You are burning out.
- What are your emotional demands? Your loved one is sick and you can’t make them better. They demand an extreme degree of physical and emotional care.
- What are your conflicting priorities? Who else needs your time and energy? Your family, your children, your boss, your employees, your co-workers, Trying to meeting everyone’s needs creates conflict and stress.
- Do you feel ambiguity in your new normal? You really don’t know exactly what to do, meaning your roles and responsibilities.
- You workload. What’s on your plate? Are you trying to juggle everything?
- What about all the advocacy responsibilities? The insurance, medical decisions, medical visits, doctor conversations and nursing questions. On top of that, making the hard decisions on finances, home care, hospice care and estate plans.
- Then there’s the lack of privacy. Do you feel it? There is no time to be alone. There may be many people in and out of your home or your life assisting with some facet of the caregiving all the time.
These factors may contribute to feelings that you have no control, or that you don’t have adequate skills or knowledge in this area. Feeling that you don’t have independence or “say so” in your life. Feeling you can’t succeed, or that you’re a failure.
When burnout reaches a critical level, it begins to be very evident in your life. Burnout can manifest itself in various ways, including: depression, withdrawal, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, negative emotions, physical fatigue, sleep deprivation or sleep disorders, personal health problems and lowered self-esteem.
What do you do when you recognize this feeling of caregiver fatigue
- Ask yourself, how are you taking care of yourself? I know how hard it can be to stop and look at yourself in the mirror and say, you are not well.
- Be honest and truthful with yourself. Look at your sleep, nutrition, hydration and exercise. Look at your schedule from work to family to your loved one’s care.
When you admit the burn out, you can start working on you. Make a commitment. It may start with a walk each evening after supper or coffee on the porch in the morning with a gratitude journal or food prepping each week or scheduling therapy.
Now you can’t wake up and say, I’m committed to this great plan. Take baby steps and just start. Maybe this week it’s drinking your water. Remember in this caregiver life you're in, you can’t add more pressure and stress to yourself. So small steps will be better for you.
Schedule one evening or day to food prep. Maybe you invite a friend over to help so you can get some socialization in too. Or you hire someone to clean your house once a week. Then you use that time to get a bike ride.
It requires you to stop and figure out your self care habits. When you don’t take care of yourself, stress and anxiety bubble up. You need a release.
Commit to look at your past week and take one small step for you. Send me a DM @cathylynnvan or go to my The Caregiver Cup Community and share your commitment
In today’s episode, I am sharing a clip from a live session I did in May with The Caregiver Cup Community Facebook Group. We go live each Wednesday in this group. Some Wednesday are mini trainings, some are just connecting and others are Q&As.
In May, I asked the community to submit questions. Here are the questions:
- How do you stay motivated and keep your energy level up?
- What are your top 3 self-care tips?
- I feel angry and resentful all the time. How do I overcome this?
In this episode, I reference these two FREE resources:
- Three Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm
- The Caregiver Quiz
This past week brought lots of news from the girls gymnastics team with Simone Biles pulling herself out of the group and individual round competition due to mental illness.
This news story got me thinking about how this story relates to being a caregiver. NY Times Article - Published July 27, 2021Updated July 30, 2021, 7:50 p.m. ET
When she twisted fewer times than she had planned in the vault, she knew she was not herself, having lost her usually uncanny sense of where her body is in the air and failing to complete the kind of daring skill she is known for.
Biles, the most decorated gymnast in the world, walked off the mat and left the competition, saying she was not mentally prepared to continue.
“At the end of the day, we’re human, too, so we have to protect our mind and our body rather than just go out there and do what the world wants us to do,” she said. “With the year that it’s been, I’m really not surprised how it played out.”
Think about how much practice and dedication it takes for gymnastics competition. As caregivers, we dedicate our time and energy by managing the household, finances, working our job or business plus doing all the caregiving tasks.
Athletes practice multiple times a day plus practice proper nutrition and sleep.
What about you? If you go back to episode 42 and episode 28, I share my morning routines and the benefits of having a morning mindset. Getting up early isn’t easy but it pays huge dividends when it comes to your health. You can’t be at your best if you don’t pay attention to your nutrition, hydration, sleep and exercising your mind and body.
I think about what these athletes have to give up.
Instead of focusing on what you give up. Think about it as delaying your time. Simone’s Mom told her your dreams are just delayed when she didn’t make the USA team to go to the London Olympics. You can still have the dream. You may have to slow down, but it can still happen.
As much controversy and negative feedback Simone is getting, I personally am glad that mental illness is being talked about.
When’s the last time you told yourself
- I just can’t focus
- I just can’t function today
- I am in a fog
- I just can’t work today or I can’t caregive today
These are all signs of caregiver burnout or compassion fatigue. Get this free resource: caregiver stress.
It's important to take a break. If you're in the hospice stage, it may be a nap, a walk or a drive for an hour. If your loved one is dealing with a chronic illness, it’s a long haul and you NEED to take respite care for yourself. In Episode 40 is more details of respite care.
Ask for help. It’s important to do what Simone did and say no, I can’t do it. Your health and mental well-being are the most important.
My action step for you is to reflect on your health and well-being. On a scale of 1-10. 10=great and 1=worst. Where are you at? What can you do to improve your health, your mental well-being, and your situation?
Taking care of yourself is NOT selfish. It’s necessary. Commit to yourself.
I started this podcast back in October 2020 and found a great podcast training course and coach. Krystal Proffitt guided me through how to start a podcast from branding my name to thinking through my content to launch and marketing it.
A few months ago, I asked her if she could coach me on sitting in the guest chair which led to me being a guest on The Proffitt Podcast
Krystal became more than a coach and mentor to me and you will hear how comfortable and fun she made this podcast interview for me.
If you want to be a guest on The Caregiver Cup Podcast and share your story, go out to cathylvan.com/podcastguest Fill out the short questionnaire and then we can chat to get things started.
One of the biggest things caregivers are good at is worry.
- What if Dad doesn’t take is heart medicine?
- What if we can’t find a kidney donor for my husband?
- What if the CT scan shows growth?
- What if I can’t get refinancing for our home to a lower rate because my partner is not employed?
These concerns are legitimate and serious, but constant worry is stressful and will wear you down.
Too much worry can create anxiety, stop you from the easiest of problem solving and can cause tension in relationships.Are you an excessive worrier? Perhaps you unconsciously think that if you "worry enough," you can prevent bad things from happening. But the fact is, worrying can affect the body in ways that may surprise you. When worrying becomes excessive, it can lead to feelings of high anxiety and even cause you to be physically ill.
But being completely worry-free is unrealistic. What is realistic is taking steps to reduce and release some of those worries.
Ways to turn those worries into a productive way of thinking and working through what to do when that worry comes into your thoughts:
- Ask yourself, why am I worrying? Occasional stress and anxiety is a normal part of life. You might worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) feel extremely worried or feel nervous about these and other things—even when there is little or no reason to worry about them.
- Get your thoughts and worries on paper. Write all your caregiving worries down on paper. Yes, all of them. Just writing things down helps you let go of some of the worries you’ve bottled up. Seeing your thoughts in black and white can give you a better perspective and help you identify the specific things you’re concerned about.
- Separate productive vs. unproductive worries. Caregivers have both productive and unproductive worries. An unproductive worry is something we have no control over, like the fact that your mom’s health is declining. A productive worry is something where you can do something to improve the situation. For example, if you’re worried that your dad will fall in the house, you can declutter and make safety updates to reduce the risk of falling.
- Ask “what’s the worst that could happen?” Tackle a worry head-on and ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen if this worry came true?” Then, think about what you would do if it does happen. Preparing for a situation can reduce the power that worry has over you.
Worry is a negative thinking pattern that can be contributing to your anxiety symptoms. Negative thinking tends to be a learned habit that can impact your mood and anxiety. Since negative thinking typically develops over time, it can be unlearned and replaced with more positive views.
Identify you caregiver stress and anxiety by getting my FREE resources called THE THREE STAGES OF CAREGIVER OVERWHELM at https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
Mary Wyatt was faced with huge adversity and a new normal on 11/7/20 when her husband had a seizure and then she heard the words Grade 4 GBM which in layman's terms is an aggressive cancer that starts in the brain. In my interview with Mary she shares her story, her challenges and ways she is dealing with the harsh reality of her husband’s cancer.
I know you can relate to Mary’s story of trying to balance work and caring for you loved one as well as trying to work through your emotions and taking care of yourself.
One more thing, I had Mary fill out a questionnaire prior to the interview and wanted to share what she wrote when asked her the question:
What have you learned about yourself as a caregiver?
She wrote: That I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, that I was made with grit. I am resilient, courageous and am driven with a heart so big that has passion to share my testimony so maybe just maybe it can help another young woman out there see she never had to go it alone.
In the interview today Mary has an amazing ability to communicate her story oftrue inspiration. As you listen, we want you to reflect on:
“How are you finding your inner strength?”
“ How are you asking for help?” and accepting it?
“Who are you surrounding yourself with?”
You can find Mary at
https://www.facebook.com/MaryAWyattCertifiedHealthCoach
We're talking about the hard days, the days when you want to throw in the towel, those days when you just want to quit being a caregiver. As caregivers, you're navigating unbelievably complex and time-consuming situations.
You're faced with the grimmest challenges
- Your loved one is sick and you can’t fix it
- Your loved one is not the same person anymore
- All your focus is on them, their symptoms and pains
- You’re the caregiver advocate
- You’re holding up the home and family
- You’re dealing with finances and work
- Then add your own emotions/feelings onto that
How many times have you wished you could get off the caregiving train? It’s not fun. It’s a huge sacrifice. Your heart is telling you to keep going but your mind and body are tapped and the pressure and exhaustion becomes too much.
First, rid yourself of feeling guilty, embarrassed or shame. You're human and it’s normal to wish things would just go away. There’s no greater drain than holding yourself to unrealistic expectations or that picture of the perfect, committed caregiver.
This caregiving journey isn’t short term, usually it’s a very long term journey. You have to relook at your expectations of yourself and what you commit to. You can’t hold up to a commitment and sacrifice that you originally thought you could.
What can you give up.
You’re the CEO of a really complicated enterprise. Successful CEOs are constantly re-evaluating their priorities every year, every month, every week and every day to figure out what’s most important. They delegate or let go of everything else. They know that otherwise they’d be ineffective.
Sit down and make a list of all the things you CAN give up; and all of things you could offload to other people. Be ruthless. Be strategic.
- Ask for help
- Take breaks often
- Prioritize your health
- Consider when it’s time for your Loved One to get help
- Consider talking to a professional
When you say “ I’m so tired of being a caregiver” or “ I can’t do this anymore”, it’s time to take a step back and really look at yourself, your loved one and your situation.
It’s important to NOT put your negative thoughts away. It’s not going to help you to brush them aside. You need to process through these.
When we constantly focus on the positives of caregiving, we undermine the challenges. In many cases, caregiving may also actually be damaging your health.
Caregiving can also breed resentment, especially if you’re the only family member involved in the process. You may also find that you have had to put your own dreams aside.
Think about where you are at in your caregiving journey? How are those tough days and challenges affecting you?
Get the THREE STAGES OF CAREGIVER OVERWHELM. If you are burning out? It’s time to take a hard look at you and your situation.
You need to look for solutions. Get creative and try different things until you find the right solutions that fits you and your loved one.
I am excited to share that The Caregiver Cup Podcasts are going to be coming to you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Tuesdays, you’ll continue to hear from me as normal sharing motivation, tips, my experiences and insights. Thursdays are going to be special episodes meaning guest interviews, behind the scenes and bonus extras. I am most excited to give other caregivers an opportunity to share their story, their new normal, their challenges, and most importantly how they are figuring it out. How they are being a caregiver advocate.
If you want to be part of the Thursday line up and share with The Caregiver Cup Podcast listeners, then go to https://www.cathylvan.com/podcastguest
I am hoping you continue to listen and share the word that we are doubling up each week now to help you, the busy caregiver reduce overwhelm
To help you, the amazing caregiver woman
- find joy in your new normal
- see the importance of taking time for yourself
- embrace the little moment even when the rest of the day is a struggle
Stress and anxiety can feel like carrying around a very heavy backpack. It feels like you can’t turn off your mind whether it’s worry, anger, or the thoughts of everything that has to be done or all the demands on you. Your chest gets tightens when you hear a text alert or a phone ring.
As working women caregiving you are stretched and stressed at the highest levels and your body and mind are going to show signs and symptoms of stress and anxiety. If you stay at that higher level, something is going to break and affect your overall well-being.
Find a morning routine and mindset can help reduce and release stress. Start your day with intention and a fresh mindset. Choose to fill your mind with happiness, gratitude and joy each morning.
Each day is different. If I know my spouse has an appointment, I might say, Today, I’m going to be optimistic and grateful for his oncology team. If I know I know I have competing priorities today and my stress will be high, I might say, Today, I’m going to choose to take things one at a time.
Find a podcast, audio book or music that lifts you up in the morning. Avoid listening to news, checking your emails or social media before. You don’t want anything to get in the way of your morning.
Check out these resource:
- https://www.cathylvan.com/episode10
- https://www.cathylvan.com/morningtips
- https://www.cathylvan.com/greensmoothie
When you stick with it, you will realize the rewards:
- You find yourself and start believing in yourself. Set the intention to be a better person and feel your mind, soul and body.
- You build confidence and pride in YOU by being consistent.
- You feel a sense of accomplishment for doing something for you.
Stop waiting for it to be the perfect time or the right place - it’s never going to be the best time to start something. You just have to start.
Once you move, you can see more.
Once you move, you can think more.
Get outside of the house You can then gain a better vision.
Decide what works for you. Be smart enough to know that you have to go for it.
So I challenge you each day to move your body, work on your mindset and feed your soul.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. You have to take care of yourself FIRST.
Caregivers often carry around undeserved guilt, believing that they aren’t doing enough for their loved ones. This guilt can make the caregiving role even more stressful than it already is. One might ask why a caregiver feels guilty when they’re doing such a courageous job. Guilt is the feeling we have when we do something wrong.
Guilt in caring for our loved one comes in many forms. And sometimes caregivers feel guilty about thinking of their own needs and see that as selfish, especially if they go to a movie or out to lunch with a friend.You may believe that your own needs are insignificant.
So ask yourself: Why do I feel guilty?
- Is it Shame?
- Is it Control?
- Do you feel like you failed?
- What other people will think?
Why does needing to ask for help lead to caregiver guilt?
- We're afraid someone will see us as weak. Actually, it takes a pretty strong person to ask for help when they need it.
- We feel that the responsibility is ours alone. By admitting that we can’t do it all, it may feel as if we are not living up to our duties or not giving our loved one the care they deserve.
- We are afraid people will judge us. As easy as this is to say, it is equally hard to do: don’t let someone else’s opinion of you dictate your actions. Your health and well-being is more important than what someone else thinks about you.
- We are afraid of not being taken seriously. Call a spade a spade—if you feel you are not being taken seriously, say so. If you are talking to a health provider, it’s their responsibility to hear your concerns with an open ear. Speak up, and if you don’t get the response you need, look for help somewhere else.
- We are afraid of being treated with disrespect. If someone talks down to you or treats you dismissively, you don’t have to take it. You have the right to be heard and respected.
So let’s flip here and move from why to what can you gain from getting past caregiver guilt and asking for help.
- A better relationship with the one you care for. Having someone else with whom to shoulder the tasks of caring can give both of you the freedom to spend time together in enjoyable activities. Listen to episode 40 and realize the importance of respite care for you.
- Reduce Caregiver Stress and Burnout . You are good to no one if you are so burnout that you are not happy. You are not finding joy in daily life. It’s OK to ask for help if you are the one caring for a loved one. What you do is a labor of love. Feelings of love, duty, and commitment drive your intentions. That doesn’t mean that you have to do it all yourself. You are not weak or irresponsible when you ask for help. What you are doing is taking care of yourself so that you can also be the best caregiver you can be. Get the 3 Stage of Caregiver Overwhelm and know where your caregiver stress is at.
We tend to hold ourselves to unreasonable standards like being able to do everything without help, having a solution for every problem, always making the “right” decision, never getting upset or frustrated, and more.
You must forgive yourself for your imperfections. You are human. You do your best with what you have at the moment, and that has to be good enough. Your best must be good enough for you and everyone else, too. Guilt erodes the soul. Be done with it.
Have you considered taking a break from Caregiving? Taking time away to recharge?
Studies have shown that taking time away can have physical and mental health benefits. People who take vacations have lower stress, less risk of heart disease, a better outlook on life, and more motivation to achieve goals.
Taking care of an aging or ill loved one can be enormously rewarding but also exhausting and emotionally draining.
Plowing through might feel doable in the short term, but too much time without a break can lead to caregiver burnout, depression and health problems.
EVERY CAREGIVER NEEDS A CAREGIVER — someone who will tend to your loved one for a few hours, days or weeks so you can take care of yourself.
Respite Care can help alleviate some of the symptoms of caregiver burnout by providing day or overnight care services, giving caregivers a much-needed break for a few hours a day or a few days a week.
Respite can come in many forms: from family and friends; volunteer groups; faith-based organizations; local, state and federal agencies; or paid respite workers. It can take place in the home, or at an outside facility such as an adult day care center.
Determining If Respite Is Right For YouOften, caregivers are reluctant to admit they may need respite, and deciding to allow someone else to step in as a caregiver can be a big decision.
- Do you feel emotionally and physically drained on a regular basis?
- Are you concerned that in the event of an emergency there is no one that you trust to take care of your loved one?
- Do you find yourself becoming more agitated with things that previously never bothered you?
- Are you neglecting your own health-related needs due to lack of time or lack of desire to assess your own needs?
- Are you experiencing resentment toward other family members who could help you but don’t?
- Is your social life suffering?
- Is there an unusual change in your eating habits?
- Do you have feelings of helplessness?
- Have you been resorting to self-soothing habits like smoking, gambling, or drinking?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it might be a good idea for you to consider respite care to help relieve some of your daily stress.
Design a family respite care plan
- What do you need?
- What does your loved one need?
- Who can help?
Then, Call a family meeting
Include out-of-town siblings, adult children and extended family via video chat. Explain that you need regular and as-needed time away from caring for the loved one you share.
Consider using a free online scheduler such as Lotsa Helping Hands or CareCalendar
" If you neglect to recharge a battery, it dies. And if you run full speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race.” - Oprah
Free Resource: https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
Father's Day is bittersweet. My Dad lost his battle to pancreatic cancer on April 12, 2018. I was fortunate enough spend the last 17 days before he received his wings. But this podcast is not about the last day. It's about those special memories and the lessons he taught me.
Thank you for allowing me to share a bit about him.
If you like this episode and want to hear more of The Caregiver Cup podcast, please hit that follow or subscribe button.
Can you also help me get my message out to more caregivers by taking a screen shot and posting it to your favorite social media site or sharing it to others. Thank you.
Toxic thinking can affect you more than you know. Negative thoughts rob you of joy and leave you hopeless for any positive outcome.
Your pattern of thought influences the quality of your life (and your loved ones). Your thinking can also affect your health, sleep patterns, anxiety levels, and more.
When you recognize you're thinking toxic and it’s affecting your well-being, you can start practicing techniques to remove your toxic thoughts
How Toxic Is Your Thinking?
You declare your thoughts through words—sometimes in conversation with others and other times silently to yourself only. Whatever it may be, pay attention and listen to yourself. Do you find yourself saying these things to yourself or others?
- “I don’t have what it takes. I am not good enough.”
- “I am afraid that I will be______.”
- “I didn’t do it perfectly, so I’m a failure.”
- “What if I can’t finish in time?”
- “But I might fail.”
- “My behavior is not hurting anybody.”
- “Sure, I did that, but it was because [someone else did or didn’t do something].”
- “Why is this happening to me? I deserve better than this.”
- “It’s too late to ____. I cannot change now.”
- “I’m just too busy. I’ll do it later.”
- “Nobody cares about me.”
- “Everything I do fails.”
- “What do other people think about me?”
- “They have it so much better than I do.”
- “If I could only _____, then I would be happy.”
As Caregivers, you're very much vulnerable to stress, anger and many other negative emotions due to the nature of our situation. Think about your Loved One. They may have a chronic disease, dementia, PTSD, elderly or recovering from an injury/surgery. They will have good days and bad days. Their mood and emotions can challenge us
It's not enough to eliminate toxic thinking. You must develop healthy thinking to take its place. Train your brain.
One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. Journaling can help you manage anxiety, reduce stress and cope with depression.
Once you're aware and are journaling, you'll start recognizing your toxic thoughts faster. Then you have to decide - Am I going to stay this way? Or am I going to change my thinking?
Come up with your plan.
- It may be as simple as, self-talk
- Shifting your mindset and a routine way of thinking
- Practice gratitude journaling
Keep things in the proper perspective. Things are rarely as bad as they seem. Consider problems as opportunities for positive solutions. Look for the good that can come.
- Think differently
- Think about you: eating, sleeping, hydrating, exercising
- Eliminate or reduce things that feed toxic thoughts
- Self-care / Self-soothe
- Time off / Time away
When the volume turns up on those shitty thoughts, you need to have a plan on what to do. When you have a plan you can turn down the toxic thoughts. Action Plan for you.
Start understanding: What brought on this thought? What is that voice in your head saying?
I’m not saying to ignore the toxic or negative thoughts because you need to get that information and figure it out. But experiment with ways to release the negativity and unrealistic pieces.
Grab that journal and thing through:
- What is your negative thought?
- What are your emotions?
- Why, What happened, How did it happen?
- What actions did I take? What actions do I want to take?
Self-Soothing is your solution to reducing and releasing overwhelm. That anxiety, stress and pressure you feel each day.
What is self-soothing? We learn how to self-soothe from the moment we enter this world. Some of our first acknowledgments of our mental feelings and our physical bodies occur as young as a newborn. Infants learn how to self-soothe through means of thumb-sucking. It is from this early age, that we begin to learn and understand that we are capable of healing ourselves, something that we should acknowledge and remember as we move through life.
When we get hurt, physically or mentally, feel anxious, or depressed, we all hope to feel better. We seek feeling better by learning how to make ourselves heal and relieve anxieties, in both immediate and long term ways. In other words, we self soothe. Self soothing is a way in which we treat ourselves to feelings of betterment, so that we can move forward, past any negativity or pain.
As caregivers, if we learn to self-soothe, it can be a huge solution to managing our mindset, improving our mood and maintaining our health. Finding those techniques that will keep you grounded and peaceful by self soothing.
Good Self Soothing Techniques
- Touch. Taking a bubble bath filled with Epsom salt to help relax your muscles
- Taste. Drinking a cup of herbal tea to help relax.
- Smell. Aromatherapy
- Sight. Distracting yourself with your favorite movie or television show.
- Sound. Listening to your favorite music.
The sooner you release the anxiety and stress, the sooner you’ll find joy, health and positivity. You don’t want to be stuck there. If you are not self-soothing daily, you are not close to your real emotional powers.
Most people go through the world reacting (anger, frustrations, biases) as if they don’t have the ability to change that. It’s not easy, but you can master your emotions
You might say stress just happens to me. Emotions do too. But, emotions are a physical and immediate impulsive responses. Emotions are not a feeling. They are a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.
Feelings are ongoing. Feelings are what we hold on to over time. Those feeling drive our mood. A belief, especially a vague or irrational one. That mood becomes an habitual pattern. Then that mood become our attitude and personality. Those moments of anxiety stress and overwhelm require you to do something with it
Self-sooth to reduce stress can be going for a walk, taking a bath, going to the gym, taking breaths or making your protein shake.
Self-soothing is your competitive edge or your ticket to being a peaceful warrior.
There are two people in a stressful situations (One person loses it and the other stays calm (peaceful warrior). When you see great leaders who are peaceful warriors (Nelson Mandella, Martin Luther King, Their ability to switch stress and anxiety into a peaceful flow is remarkable. They learned how to calm their self down. They learned how to teach themself to release the stress/ anxiety.
How to build healthy self soothing habits.
- Be open to the idea of creating self-healing techniques
- Experiment with different approaches and ways to calm yourself
- Step outside of your comfort zone, you never know what might work for you
- Track your progress
In this podcast, you have the pleasure of meeting Diana Winkler. She wears many hats including caregiver. You'll hear how crazy, busy she is but also her gifts, talents and passions. Diana works her full-time job, pursues her passions and is the primary caregiver for her husband. She shares her challenges and struggles openly with us.
Diana Winkler is a singer songwriter and I'm an abuse advocate. She uses music as one of my healing tools and facilitates Meaning The Soul healing groups. She is also a podcaster of the Wound of the Faithful Podcast.
She is married to her husband, Brain for 11 years who struggles with severe ulcerative colitis. Diana is very transparent about her own health struggles with memory loss too.
In my interview, I ask Diana to share her everyday schedule. She is figuring it out by juggling her schedule, pursuing her passions and finding time for herself.
I ask Diana to unpack her caregiving journey. She shares her spouse’s 10 year journey with ulcerative colitis, from the initial diagnosis, remission and through the pandemic. She talks about the stressors of his disease and how it impacts her as a caregiver.
She shares her gratitude of both being able to work from home but also the stress there too.
As a caregiver, Diana has had to be that advocate for her spouse's healthcare too. She has a strong persistence to make sure her Loved One gets the best possible care.
Then, we shift the interview on Diana and I ask her to share the pressure, stress and anxiety caregiving puts on her. She shares the added responsibilities she takes on now that her spouse can’t do. The grocery and meal planning needed.
I appreciated Diana’s stories of where she lets the little things fall. As caregivers we may need to just do that.
Our conversation then led to the frustrations felt as a caregiver. I am grateful she share this and then her awareness of her situation. She knows that the disease is what she is most frustrated about, no her spouse.
To end the interview, Diana and I talked about “filling our cups”. She shares what really works for her - from her hobbies to martial arts to gardening.
One last thought she shared is spending time with your Loved One and the importance of that. Love how it could be a simple act of watching a rainbow or eating and ice cream cone. Just those small moments of joy.
You can find more about Diana Winkler at https://www.dswministries.org
Each morning about 6:30, I put on my walking shoes and grab my ear buds for my 2-3 miles walk. One particular thing this week got me. I kept nodding my head and walking faster and faster. My head was spinning when listening to a new podcast. I couldn’t wait to get home to grab a piece of paper and write down my thoughts.
I love podcasts that feed my soul with inspiration, self-help, self-development and ones that are just plain fun too. Podcast listening is my jam when I am walking, working in my garden or getting ready in the morning.
Ok, what was I listening to? I am trying to level up and be a better speaker. It was my newest podcast that I recently added to favs. My new mentor and speaking coach - The Heather Seager show.
It’s funny how you get more out of a podcast. What I mean is that I got tips for improving my speech but also go tips to improving my caregiving.
When I got home. I wrote in my journal: Caregiving is self-development on steroids. It requires you step up and start working on your mindset in a different way imagined. It requires you to amplify your scheduling and coordination of everything. It requires a whole new discipline and shift to your self care.
What’s crazy is that you can’t really enroll in caregiving school, take courses and once trained you can then know it all. When you become a caregiver, you need to learn and adjust as you go.
We all are different.
That’s why I came home and immediately grabbed my pen and paper and wrote down Caregiving is self-development on steroids.
I can’t get on this podcast and give you a step by step tool to work through each challenge. Nor is there any perfect caregiver guide out there.
I have been on this caregiving journey now since 2017 and I have been figuring it out and not figuring it out. It requires a commitment my self-development. I made the choice to take the driver seat. My situation and choice is to work my passions and pursue my goals while caregiving. Yes, I work my job, run my business and caregive. With that decision, I choose to think like a leader in my journey vs letting it happen.
I don’t know all the answers but I feel like I have grown tons over the last years because I adopted a self-development mindset with my leader mindset.
I have learned through trial and error what I can do and what I can’t do. It took me over two years to set healthy boundaries that I now call self-love boundaries. I failed at this 100s of times. I am not perfect at this by all means but after continuing to learn and listen and assess I am on a better course to filling my cup first.
Self-development is a commitment to look at yourself differently. It requires you to admit your faults and be ok with making mistakes. It requires yourself to feel uncomfortable and uneasy.
When you are overwhelmed and feeling hopeless, you have to say, what can I learn from this. What are my choices and how can I figure out this situation? It’s ok to say, this soon will pass. Or it is what it is. But not learning from it will keep you stuck.
When you think like a leader or the CEO of your life with self-development,
- you can evolve in your caregiver development, leadership development and continue to develop skills across a range of areas that help build a stronger you. A stronger caregiver life. A journey you are proud of, even when things get rough.
- When you as a caregiving leader, begin to focus on self-improvement, this also helps with contributing a clear vision for you, your loved one and team.
This is a behind-the-scene (fun) episode where I asked my accountability partners record an episode. Each week, I meet with Amy and Naomi. The weekly accountability meetings are for us to share our success, challenges and to ask questions and provide support. Little did I know a year ago that we would become close friends.
Thursday nights have become part of my self-care. These amazing ladies listen to my challenges without judgement, cheer me on when I find joy and success and pick me up. I have also been able to give back to them and have seen my confidence grow.
I encourage you to find your "group". It took a little courage to put a post out in a group on Facebook. It was well worth the fear. You are welcome to post in The Caregiver Cup Community
If you are in the Meeting and Event Planning field, check out Naomi Tucker at https://plannersonpurpose.com/
If you are looking for a life coach, check out Amy Linsmeyer at https://amylinsmeyer.com/
Only when you first help yourselves can you effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit.
How do you do this? You have to create the foundation to succeed Creating a foundation to be that effective caregiver.
What is foundation / framework?
What about your health and vitality?
You can’t rely on your own personal discipline
What would the ideal environment be to ensure you are effective today?
If your productivity or motivation is not there?
Think about what infrastructures are you lacking? What things can I put in place that helps me be a better version of myself and a better caregiver?
The second is your strategy or asset to your caregiving: Y_O _U Yes, taking care of yourself.
I know, it doesn’t sound right, it’s doesn’t feel right and it may not be what you want to do. But you can’t be an effective caregiver if you don’t put yourself first.
What is your Ideal Vitality - Well-being - Self-care look like?
I want you to think deeper than the surface here.
Find your Doctor
- How are you caring for yourself?
- You shouldn’t wait to go to the doctor when you are sick or mentally struggling. You need to be proactive.
- You need Someone who is guiding you in your health now that you are in a season that is challenging and tasking on yourself
You need a medical doctor who is aware of your situation and is supporting and guiding you through this time and keep your physical well-being in mind.
You also need to think about your mental wellness in this caregiving season. What resources should I be utilizing?
- Therapist - licensed professional
- Coach
- Consultant
- Support Group
As Caregivers, we usually put ourselves on hold.
- You need someone that will tell you if you are healthy or sick
- If you need to adjust your vitamins or meds based on your labs
- You need someone to review your health habits and encourage you to make adjustments
- Someone that can help you build a caregiver strategy that is sustainable.
If you don’t start thinking of this now, what happens
- Stress, Burn out, Fatigue
- Health issues like high blood pressure, weight gain, depression
- Loneliness, Isolation, Anger, Resentment, Worry
- You feel guilty that you have health issues
So, friend, reach out and ask for your support during this time. I hope this prompts you to look at the last time you had your physical, diagnostics and labs. If it’s been too long, schedule the time now. Explore therapy - some of your employers offer some free visits. Look into local support groups and most are online now.
Join The Caregiver Cup community on facebook.
You can’t take on everything. You have to take care of yourself to be that effective caregiver.
It’s important to love yourself and make a personal commitment to yourself.
- You are the infrastructure of your loved one’s care
- You can’t fill from an empty cup
What is Your Personal Brand? Your personal brand is how you promote yourself. It's the unique combination of your skills, experience, and personality that you want the world to see you. You use your personal branding to differentiate yourself from other people.
You're representing your personal brand in your professional role or business, with your family, friends and now caregiving.
Branding is so much more than the way you look (but that’s an important part). It’s also your personality, delivery of your message and more.
Today I want to talk about you, the caregiver and your caregiver personal brand.
When you look at yourself through the eyes of being a brand and most importantly who you are today? What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel about yourself? Do you want to spend time with yourself?
Your personal caregiver brand is the unique combination of your expertise, work experience, caregiver advocacy and personality that, together, make you who you are. It’s how you present yourself to the world. And now that world is to doctors, nurses, family, friends, your loved one, and work and/or business clients.
It allows you to build trust and empathy with them.
My hope is this podcast episode will get you to reflect on your appearance, actions, thoughts and abilities to form YOUR ideal personal caregiver brand. Each of us are unique and different.
This caregiving journey has taken your personal brand and is forcing and pushing your normalcy. You can’t continue to be the same. Think of all that has changed.
I want to talk about 5 tips to help you create your personal caregiver brand or transform it
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How can you be my best self in this season?
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How am I going to manage this journey based on my own personal values?
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How do I transform and define my caregiver personal brand
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What is your caregiver character personality.
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Capture your brand statement.
This Caregiver Life is unpredictable and there will be moments when you need to adapt. Your personal caregiver brand is your compass for how to live your life and take care of your loved one, but every once in a while you'll take a detour for the good of your loved one or the good of yourself, for some unavoidable reason or just because sometimes we have to do things in life that we don't want to do. This doesn't mean you've failed, and it doesn't mean you can't get back on track. It means you're human, and life's not perfect. Just remember that defining your personal caregiver brand is your way of saying, this is who I am, this is how I manage this caregiver life, and I don't have to apologize for it.
Feeling sad, angry, resenting life, or grieving the good old days or what you used to do. This episode might be just coming at the right time for you.
Sadness
- You see your sick loved one and can’t do anything about it
- The affection is different
- You miss the person of the past
- You think about your future
As a caregiver, you’re at risk for depression. Sometimes you feel hopeless or helpless. You cab't sleep and have trouble facing the day.
You're human and it's normal to feel sad. It’s normal to get down. But like I said last week, in episode 30, you can’t stay there. It can lead to depression, health issues, and caregiver stress, burnout and compassion fatigue. Get my free resource on caregiver stress
Anger
- Anger and frustration are a normal part of being around someone who needs help on an ongoing basis and who might not be accepting of help.
- Forgive yourself. Find constructive ways to express yourself, learn to walk away and give yourself a “time out.” Identify supportive people you can talk to who will listen as you vent about the thing.
- When tired and stressed, it's harder to stay in control of the things you say and feel.
- If you find yourself feeling cranky and irritable, you probably need a break. You may need to get some rest, as we're in less control when tired.
Resentment. When put in a situation not of our choosing, it’s not uncommon to feel negative and resentful.
- Family situations and dynamics can be a real challenge
- Perhaps it’s your work challenges
- Maybe it’s just resentment of your own time and joy
- Little things easily become big things when we feel unappreciated and unacknowledged
It's easy to forget about the good things that have happened or are happening when you only focus on the negative.
Staying in resentment changes who you are and your emotional and physical well-being.
Grief.
- You're watching your loved one decline
- You grieve for the person who used to be
- You miss things you could do before
We tend to avoid the sadness that comes with grief, but allowing ourselves to feel it, promotes healing.
Truth - these emotions will always come and go.
- It’s important to recognize them.
- What is triggering them
- Ways to reduce and release them healthy
Recognize
- Start asking yourself the questions: Why am I angry, What is making me sad, When do I feel resentment the most
Exercise:
- Draw a line down the middle and make 2 columns: 1st column- life before caregiving and 2nd column - your new normal
- Then write it out. It'll be obvious that your new normal is different.
- Turn the paper over and describe your new identity.
I'm so glad you're in this journey with me and we're learning together. When caregiving becomes your new career, you have to adapt, adjust and go through this process. It’s not easy and you find out a lot about yourself. Instead of feeling awful, guilty and frustrated with yourself over these emotions, stop, drop and roll! You're doing the best you can. When you lay your head on your pillow each night grant yourself grace and stop feeling badly. Be grateful for who you are, what you are doing and all the little, but amazing things about yourself.
You jump in your car and the check engine light goes on. Well you think to yourself, should I just leave it or bring it back into the shop. There obviously is something wrong.
How does this relate to caregiving. Today I want to talk about resilience
Things have shifted in your life, as well as mine. Your life is not the same. Change has happened or maybe it’s still happening, like mine is in the caregiver life and caregiver journey
Dealing with changes, challenges, barriers and disruptions is hard. It’s frustrating, It’s scay and then there is the uncertainty too. It challenges your beliefs and it can knock you down.
Resilience is the promise of the human spirit - that it can rise through it. That you can move forward with great faith and optimism and recapture it all.
It's the ability to believe. When a challenge or situation occurs and we can’t find the strength to pick ourselves up. We believe this and our mindset is stuck. Our ability to do that (thing) is slows us down by hurt, pain, trauma, grief or whatever you are feeling. Think about your struggles. What is the one thing that happened recently that brought you down?
When you’re in your deepest, darkest, it’s hard to find that mental strength. First and foremost, you have to be ok with this and grant yourself grace since you are not perfect.
Resilience begins with acknowledgement of the challenge, struggles, and difficulties of the hardship. Because picking yourself up, remaining strong in this time is super hard
When we don’t allow ourselves to sense it and feel it, we leave that check engine light on and risk that it will wreck our engine. Hurt and pain are like that engine light. We can’t drive it and hope it gets better. It won’t get better. It won’t go away.
Realization of resilience is picking yourself up and even if you go in the wrong direction.
The choices you make next is the most important. You find clarity. When going through your challenges, struggles and what feels like things you can’t figure out.
Clarity is what is needed. Ask your self these two questions
- Who I am?
- Where do I want to go?
You don’t want to live in the pain.
Resilience is the ability to no longer discourage
Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress—such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors.
Are you saying , it’s easier said than done. I was earlier this week. I was saying
- You don’t know what this is like
- You never went through this
- No one understands.
Others may not totally understand but there are others that do. Don’t let yourself go there - it’s a slippery slope to isolation, loneliness, depression, closing off your heart and thinking others don’t understand or care.
If you can’t progress or you have patterns of trauma or severe stress, it’s time to talk to a licensed professional or therapy. They can help you with a process to get through this.
My closing thoughts today for you is that this caregiver life requires resilience and grace. When you find your new day of mindfulness, you’ll feel clarity. Each situation is a process, an education to learn from.
Join The Caregiver Cup Community for support where we can gain more clarity and build resilience together.
In today's episode, we're talking about the anxiety, stress and emotions you experience as a caregiver. Just when you think you have it figured out, there is a challenging day, week or urgent situation that happens. Reality is that there are tons and tons of variables which play into your stressors and anxiety: atmosphere, people, your love one (illness, injury, mood), your mood, outside distractions, frustrations and more.
Dr Roderick Logan from Arizona Trauma Institute shared a You Tube presentation where he uses a water bottle to demonstrate the need for resilience to overcome stress and compassion fatigue in the workplace and personal life.
How to reduce or stop feeling anxious, referenced WebMD
- Stay in your time zone
- Relabel what's happening
- Fact-check your thoughts
- Breathe in and out
- Follow the 3-3-3 rule
- Just do something
- Stand up straight
- Stay away from sugar
- Ask for a second opinion
- Watch a funny video or music
Tips to manage stress, referenced WebMD
- Exercise
- Relax your muscles
- Deep breathing
- Eat well
- Slow down
- Take a break
- Make time for hobbies
- Talk about your problems
- Go easy on yourself
- Eliminate your triggers
Identify which caregiver stress stage you are in. You can then make adjustments and find ways to reduce and manage it.
You can then start setting healthy boundaries or what I like to call self-love boundaries. Remember the goal is to find joy in your journey and take care of yourself.
You wake up and are just not ready to take on your day. You’re tired, feel emotional, a bit moody and can't get yourself going. You sit on the toilet with your hands in your head and yawn. You look in the mirror and try to smile at yourself but you catch yourself staring at that person like a zombie.
How do you get going? I bet you can relate and even say "shat’s wrong with me?"
The true fact is that caregiving adds a whole new amount of physical and emotional stressors to your plate. That’s why it’s important to find ways to recognize caregiver fatigue and then find ways to reduce it. Go to https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress to gain more insights.
Here are ways to kickstart your morning, shift my mindset and keep you going.
- Venture outside
- Journaling: gratitude and your emotions
- Self Affirmations
- Drink your Water
- Fuel your body. Here's my smoothie recipe: https://cathlyvan.com/greensmoothie
- Exercise
- Consume things that lift you up
- Grant yourself Grace
- Sleep
Now there is no magic potion. It may take you some time to figure out your “go to” morning magic. So keep exploring and trying new things. As a caregiver, you may have to adjust based on your Loved One and season.
But I do know when you find your morning, you will know it.
I never thought I would experience it again. In the past couple weeks, I've been riding the emotional roller coaster of caregiving again.
It’s funny how fast you forget about those firsts.
- The first inkling something isn’t right with your loved one.
- The initial shock and numbness when you hear the bad news.
- Then comes all those emotions of sadness, crying, grief, anger, frustration, confusion, worry, and lack of focus.
First, let me tell you about my Mom. I’m blessed to have a great mother-daughter relationship. She is an energizer bunny and social butterfly. The one that is always willing to help. She is the hard working blue collar worker with her own cleaning business. She is still cleaning small apartments at age 79.
She was married to Dad 57 years until he passed in 2018. They both traveled, enjoyed spending time together and spent 15 winters in Arizona.
Mom and I did some Mother Daughter trips to Jamaica, Arizona, Minneapolis and Branson
In the last 3 years I watched my Mom transform from a struggling widow to a strong, independent, happy woman. If you follow me on Facebook, you 'll see our Sunday Fundays together. When I visit her at her senior apartment, her phone is always ringing and someone is knocking on her door.
But now, she is faced with cancer. I noticed over the last month that she wasn’t feeling well and then the biopsy confirmed it. We are still waiting for test results this week to find out the formal diagnosis, treatment options and recommendations.
The one thing I learned in the last three years is that I'm a better caregiver advocate to grow a team and find resources
You need people that will stick with you through thick and thin. People you can lean on and help you through this challenging time.
Why should you build a team?
- Your loved one isn't able to manage their own care. Your loved one's main job is getting well.
- You can’t do it all. This is simply too much for one person.
Unfortunately this is my 4th round of my loved one’s cancer diagnosis
As my mom is going through her tests, biopsy, scans and doctor appointments. I’ve been journaling and thinking about forming the team.
Get my free journaling prompts
Start with you the primary caregiver. Journal:
- Personal Strengths / Skills
- Personal Weaknesses
- Gaps and Challenges
Then move into what kind of support you have? What support your loved one needs?
- Team of doctors
- Nurse navigators
- Therapy (EAP)
- Support Groups
- Drivers, relief sitters, meal prep, home nursing, church
Now list your "I believe statement"
Then move to
- What you don't want?
- What you want?
I encourage you to journal where you're at in your journey. Journal what you want and what you don’t want. There is no guarantee or promises that it will all go as planned or as visioned but when you get real with yourself, believe and reflect, you’ll be able to see things with a different lens.
Two other helpful links
3 Stages of Caregiver StressWhat's your caregiver style?
Remember: it’s important to fill your cup first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take time for yourself each day and make yourself a priority so you can reduce that overwhelm and find joy in this caregiver life.
Are you burning out?
Are you exhausted, fatigued, or just plain tired?
What’s your stress level?
What about your anxiety level?
Are you sad or depressed?
How do you feel about your health? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you losing weight? Or are you gaining weight?
These are just a few symptoms of caregiver stress and caregiver burnout?
I want to talk today about the ONE thing you can do. The ONE thing you can take control of.
I'm here to give you some tough love and hard talk.
It’s time . Let me say it again. It’s time. Time to move!
I'm here to tell you that you have to move.
You have to even if you don’t feel like it. Even if you're tired. Even if you don’t think you have time.
Start small - just 20 minutes a day is all you need. Or even if it’s 15 minutes.
A study from Harvard says: “Exercising as little as 15 minutes of physical activity a day can increase your life span by 3 years."
Here’s another stat from caregiver.org and the Family Caregiver Alliance: 35% of female caregivers report high levels of stress. Those symptoms go from headaches to high blood pressure to weight gain.
Think of movement and exercise as an outlet. A place to go to recharge, think and take care of yourself
Let me share my story.
Pre-caregiving, I was very active. I went to the gym 5-6 days a week. Prior to my Dad and Spouse getting their cancer diagnosis in Sept 2017, I was training for my 9th half marathon.
It was a habit and routine I stuck with since I felt better. I watched what I ate. Don’t get me wrong, there were days I didn’t want to get up and move my body. But when I did, I was happier.
Then Sept 2017 came and I thought I didn’t have time. I told myself I was too tired.
By Summer of 2019, I was 30 pounds heavier. I had digestive issues and was clinically depressed. I looked in the mirror at me and decided enough was enough.
I knew I had to move each day. It was hard to start again. I knew what to do but breaking the caregiver life routine without exercise was harder than I could ever imagine.
But I'm working on moving 20 minutes each day. Even with the pandemic, I knew I could still move.
What about you? Can you find just 20 minutes each day? YOU Can. You have to!!! It’s just 20.
Let’s talk about what you and I can do in these 20 minutes. It has to be fun or you won’t stay with it. So if you hate running - don’t run. But if you don’t mind walking - walk.
- Walk - make it fun by putting on your ear buds and listening to your favorite music or a podcast. Walk with a friend. Take the dog for a walk. Find a trail or window shop downtown
- Bike - Last summer I would schedule my break time and go for a bike ride.
- Yoga
- Dancing
- Elliptical / Treadmill
- Weights / bands
- Vaccuuming
- Gardening
It’s just about getting your heart rate up which then can lower your stress, anxiety and improve your mood
Join me this week LIVE on Facebook or Instagram this week.
Share my movement time. Do me a favor and sent me a message or DM and comment what you are doing?
Let’s do this!!
- You can control your stress
- You can control your fatigue
- You can control your joy
- You can improve your health
It starts with taking 20 minutes daily. NO EXCUSES!
This week I started my Spring gardening prep. I can’t clean out the leaves and debris yet until it gets warmer since the bees, butterflies and other little insects are trying to stay warm yet. But it’s time to prune the bushes and trees.
My husband just rolls his eyes and goes along with my gardening passion. If it was up to him, we would just leave it. But I want the plants and trees needs just a bit of help to show their beauty.
Here’s the definition: Pruning removes dead and dying branches and stubs, allowing room for new growth and protecting your property and passerby from damage. It also deters pest and animal infestation and promotes the plant's natural shape and healthy growth.
It’s also a reminder that we can do our own personal pruning too.
- Can you prune back those dead or dying branches? What are those for you?
- Pruning allows room for new growth. When you release those bad habits, bad thoughts, and accept your new reality, you will allow for those buds, blossoms and new growth.
- How are you allowing for new growth?
- Pruning protects your property - yourself. When you pivot your mindset, set healthy boundaries and manage your new normal, you are starting to take care of yourself.
- You can’t expect that beautiful crab apple tree to blossom every spring into this beautiful tree if you don’t trim it back, cut off the dead branches, fertilize it and water it. Same goes for you.
- Close your eyes and envision your best self. What does she look like? What does she sound like? What does she feel like?
- What is your pruning plan for you?
- You can’t expect that beautiful crab apple tree to blossom every spring into this beautiful tree if you don’t trim it back, cut off the dead branches, fertilize it and water it. Same goes for you.
- NOTE: The tree can’t prune itself. But with a little help, it will start to become healthier and soon will blossom.
- As a coach and if you came to me I would ask you what needs pruning?
- Then we would break down each one.
- If you were lonely, we would look at ways to improve that. IE: chat with a friend, joining a community, planning a date or girl night out.
- If you feel stretched, we need to look at the situation and figure out how to get more help or let go of things.
- If you are exhausted, we need to really figure out what the root cause of your exhaustion is and then you can start working on ways to improve it.
If you want to check out my coaching, go to cathylvan.com/coaching. It's a FREE 30 minute session. That way you can decide if this is a good fit for you.
As caregivers, you and I think we have to take it all on. Think about what you do. ( IE: I am a caregiver, a consultant for a fortune 100 company, a business owner, a mom, a daughter, a wife) You get the picture.
You can’t leave caregiving but YOU CAN find joy in your journey. You can control your situation. You can think like a manager and figure it out.
I want to leave you with a quote from Florence Littauer, The purpose of pruning is to improve the quality of the roses, no to hurt the bush"
The Nostalgic Caregiver looks at their Loved One remembering those special past experiences and memories. You desire to return to an earlier time in life by wishing things were back the way they were.
While few caregivers voice their sentiments for fear of how others will receive it. I believe that most caregivers do have this fleeting thought at some point during their journey.
Qualities of a Nostalgic Caregiver
Nostalgia has a tendency to be like a natural sedative. With each memory it provides an escape and longing to go back to these past experiences and a desire to hold each moment close. While nostalgia can provide a warm memory in occasional moments. Repeated patterns can lead to not accepting your reality.
Nostalgic Caregivers are:
- Reminiscers.
- Positive Thinkers.
- Triggered by sensory stimuli.
- Story Tellers
As your loved one is suffering, you might find peace and joy in your memories and stories. On those tough days, hold those stories close and it can provide you with your purpose or reason in life right now.
What are the impacts of Nostalgia
Nostalgia can be a good and a bad thing. The good comes from those wonderful memories that keep you going and reinforces why you care so passionately for your Loved One. But it can also be a bad thing because you spend more time yearning for those past days and not wanting to face reality. Here are the impacts of Nostalgia:
- Depression
- Frustration
- Loneliness
- Grief
- Denial
- Worry
- Caregiver Stress
It's important you recognize and watch for signs of Caregiver Overwhelm during this time of change and adjustment. Some of the early signs are:
- becoming irritated or angry
- feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried
- noticing health issues like high blood pressure, heart palpitations, headaches, body pain or more
- difficulty sleeping
- trouble concentrating
It starts with:
- letting go of your guilty feelings and remember that you can have bad thoughts and still be a good caregiver.
- stepping outside of your perspective and separate your thoughts. This will reduce your anxiety and stress.
- being open to not being perfect and learn what works for you.
- knowing you'll figure it out and allow yourself time to adjust.
- appreciating the joy in your new normal.
- getting help you need to adjust to your new normal.
Go-Getters are active, flexible people who put a great deal of passion and energy into juggling it all and being an effective caregiver. Your ability to adapt and willingly jump in with a positive attitude and enthusiasm provides comfort to your Loved One.
You pride yourself in staying motivated and ambitious with your high levels of organization and multitasking. Your mottos are "get it done" or "I'll figure it out".
Can you relate? These qualities may be innate or experiences you been taught.
Go-Getters are:
- Disciplined
- Celebrating small achievements
- Passionate
- Finding Support
- Courageous
- Persistent
- Not afraid to make mistakes
What are the impacts of Go-Getting?
A Go-Getter can be a good and a bad thing. It's good because you're a high achiever with the right intentions. You're driving for the best care for your Loved One as well as pursuing your passions and goals. But it can also be a bad thing because your go-getter mentality gets in the way by.
- You put a lot of pressure on yourself to be perfect which can cause high levels of anxiety. You can work so hard that you forget to live your life and have fun.
- You rarely take breaks or time off which can sacrifice your well-being.
- You're frustrated or disappointed over your Loved Ones' deteriorating condition or lack of progress. It can be hard to accept that the quality of care and effort have nothing to do with the actual health-related decline or mood of your Loved One.
- You struggle and sometimes are angry with others who don't have the Go-Getter mentality.
It's important you recognize and watch for these signs of Caregiver Stress. If you are a Go-Getter
These are the first signs that you're not getting the physical and emotional support you need.
- becoming irritated or angry
- feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried
- noticing health issues like high blood pressure, heart palpitations, headaches, body pain or more
- difficulty sleeping
- trouble concentrating
I'm hyper-focused on my schedule and staying organized. Each Sunday I plan out my week so that I can be an effective caregiver, work my job and business and find time for the essentials of home.
Ultimately, being a Go-Getter tipped my stress level to an unhealthy level. (Gained weight, stomach issues, depression and more) As much as I took pride in getting it done, I was stretched and overcommitted.
So that's why I shifted my thinking from a Go-Getter to a Go-Giver.
As a Go-Getter, I wanted to be the best at everything, but as a Go-Giver, I want to be the best to myself first. There's a lot less pressure and a lot more joy.It starts with:
- thinking like a manager and asking for help and figuring out ways to do it all smarter.
- finding a team and working together
- being open to not being perfect
- being ok with letting the small or less important things fall
- appreciating the joy in your new normal
- sitting down and spending time with your Loved One vs always "doing"
It starts with awareness first - take that quiz at https://www.cathylvan.com/quiz
Listen to episode 21 and i go through the 3 stages of Caregiver Overwhelm.
Once you have the awareness you can then start working on reducing your caregiver stress and finding healthy boundaries
Let me get real honest & raw with you. This podcast was hard to prepare for and it’s even harder to share. It's all about people pleasing. Why you say? I'm a people pleaser.
Are you saying, Yes. Or are you saying No, I'm not a people pleaser.
- We all have people pleasing tendencies
- People pleasing isn’t all bad
- But, people pleasing can lead to stress and burnout especially if you are a caregiver.
Before we deep dive into this topic, I have something really excited to share with you! It’s a Quiz about caregiving with very, very informative results. It’s called What’s your Caregiver Style? You can take this FREE quiz at https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/5ffd018f17706f00164e6383. It takes less than 3 minutes & you'll get very in-depth & informative results to help you think through your caregiver responsibilities.
Let’s now dig into People Pleasing.
As a caregiver, your Loved One is your top priority. You open your heart, soul & energy to go beyond simple kindness to give to them everything they need & want.
Pleasing might not sound all that bad. After all, what’s wrong with loving & being nice to your Loved One & making them happy? You do whatever it takes meaning you make sacrifices with little to no complaints.
You go out of your way to do things for them based on what you assume they want & need. You give up your time & energy.
The urge to please them can be rewarding to you, but also damaging to you. The wants of your Love One are more important than your own needs as well as other relationships.
Many people-pleasers confuse pleasing people with kindness. When discussing their reluctance to turn down someone’s request for a favor, they say things like, “I don’t want to be selfish,” or “I just want to be a good person.” Consequently, they allow others to take advantage of them.
Here are some tell tale signs of pleasing:
- You have a low opinion of yourself
- You need others to like you
- Please pleasers find it hard to say no
- You apologize or accept fault when you aren’t to blame
- You’re quick to agree, even when you don’t really agree
- You struggle with authenticity
- You’re a giver
- You don’t have any free time
- Argument and conflicts upset you
What are the affects of pleasing?
Pleasing isn’t inherently negative. Part of having relationships with others involves taking their wants, needs, & feelings into account. These tendencies can often come from a place of concern or affection.
Trying to earn the regard of others usually means you neglect your own needs and feelings. In a way, you’re putting on an act. You’re doing what you think people want so they like you. You might only pretend to enjoy helping, since this is part of keeping your Loved One happy.
This isn’t exactly honest, & eventually people-pleasing can hurt you & your relationships.
- You feel frustrated & resentful
- People take advantage of you
- Your relationships don’t satisfy you
- Stress and burnout
- Partners and friends become frustrated with you
If you feel you're a people pleaser, it’s important to first acknowledge your tendencies, start working on little things at a time & set healthy boundaries.
Today's episode is all about you and your overwhelm. The true facts about how this stress, anxiety, burnout and fatigue creep up on you and before you know it, you are in the thick of it and don’t know what to do.
When I first became a caregiver, I let the adrenaline drive me through the overwhelm. When that faded, I let my mind and body do the work. Well looking back, I now see the 3 stages of overwhelm I went through and it’s toll it took on myself, my Loved One, my friendships and more.
That’s why over the last month, I sat down and really did some digging into this subject. I researched 100s of articles, interviewed caregivers and fead all my journal entries, text messages, facebook post on where I was at.
So today, I want to highlight the 3 stages of caregiver overwhelm - the whats, the why, the hows and more. You can find the entire resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
- Caregiver Stress
- Caregiver Burnout
- Compassion Fatigue
Overwhelm for you and I as Caregivers is Reality. It’s hard, It sucks but it can be a joyful and rewarding experience. So when you run over that nail or screw, think about how you want to fix it vs just putting air in your tire. Get in front of your overwhelm by seeking help or tools to get you on the path to reducing the stress and anxiety.
So grab my free resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress. Let me help you through this journey. It is important to look at your caregiver cup and control what goes in it. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Send hugs and warmth your way. Talk to you again next week.
Sharing caregiving hacks which will help with managing your time, finding efficiencies and simplifying your life
One of the hidden secrets of caregiving is thinking smarter not harder. Gosh knows you work hard.
Time is one of the most valuable things you have going for you right now. What could you do with an extra hour a week, three hours a week or maybe even an hour a day?
Could you take time for yourself? What about time to have coffee with a friend or time to get caught up with your dissertation or write those extra pages for your book. You fill in the blank when it comes to your time. Time = joy, Time = well-being, Time = less stress. Time = spending time with my Loved One.
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Automations - you want to think about everything you do and determine if you can automate it, make things easier, find ways to put into a monthly service.
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Meal deliveries
- Local agencies for meal for seniors
- Groceries - deliver, pick up
- Amazon, Target, Walmart
- Pharmacies deliveries
- Online billing
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Dr Apt apps - using technology
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Getting Help or Outsourcing or Delegating- I know right away, your thought may go to a couple of areas - I don’t have $ to pay for help Or, I don’t feel comfortable asking for help Or, I can do it all
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Cleaning lady - do you really need to be spending your time cleaning right now? Can you ask for help with your Loved Ones home or your home?
- If you don’t have the $, can you ask your family or friends to help once in a while?
- Or can you let the dust be for a day or two.
- Maybe it’s only once a month or trade up with someone
- Lawn Service / Snow Removal
- Say yes to meals from friends. There’s no shame ordering take out - have fun with it - maybe you do it once a week as a treat.
- Trade work - use mom’s phone and her newspaper example
- Shared calendars with family members
- They can help with caregiver responsibilities
- Dr appointment coverage
- It also helps with multiple things going on in the week to avoid conflicts
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FB Group or Text Groups
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Personal Survival Kits
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Bag ready
- Car kit
- Notebook for dr visits
- Sunday Planning (check out episode 17)
- Top 3 priorities
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Meal prep
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Working from Home
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Not everyone will be able to keep their jobs they have while caring for their loved one
- But working from home has allowed me to reduce the drive time
- I can eat lunch with my loved one
- I can schedule times to care for my loved one around my work hours
- Now setting healthy boundaries is key (for both family and friends)
- I was fortunate enough to adjust my hours and work around the care.
- Maybe you schedule in nurse support while you’re working or have a family member support or visit too.
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I block my time at work 7-9am and 12-1 and 4-5
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Potpourri Efficiencies
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Grocery pick up after my hair appt
- Work from home - walk on my treadmill or elliptical
- Dr appt - what can I do in the waiting room or can I take a walk or order groceries
- Sunday Funday
- List out all things that need to get done.
Time Management and productivity look different for you now that you are caregiving. So it may take some time. It really was going through each situation and looking back and realizing there is a better way to do things.
Ask yourself - how can I save time
What is an easier way
Is there a better time to do this
There are two ways you become a caregiver:
- Caregiving often creeps up on you.
It may start with dropping by your mom’s house and doing her laundry or taking your dad to a doctor’s appointment. You find yourself doing the grocery shopping or refilling prescriptions. Gradually, you are doing more and more. At some point, you realize you have a commitment to take care of someone else
- The Sudden Event
Sometimes caregiving is triggered by a major health event, such as a stroke, heart attack, or accident. Maybe you suddenly realize that dad’s memory lapses have become dangerous.
Life as you know it stops, and all your energy goes to caring for your loved one. Caregiving has become your new career, and you adjust to a new normal.
Whatever your relationship with the person, you’re caring for, it’s important that you add the title CAREGIVER to the list of things you are. Without identifying yourself as a caregiver, you won’t know to search for resources that can help you navigate this new role.
You play other roles too. You may be employed full-time or part-time. Maybe you're an entrepreneur. You may be raising children, or be a volunteer, a spouse, have other family commitments. Adding caregiving to your list can easily lead to frustration, exhaustion. Think about those everyday things that you now do:
- Calling the doctor, insurance companies and advocating care
- Day to day needs while trying to do the same things you were doing before your caregiver title.
I would recommend you make a list of all that you do as a caregiver. My intent is for you to see it all!! If you don’t see it, you just keep going and that can lead to Caregiver Stress which is a true diagnosis which can lead to Caregiver Burnout.
Here are my 10 steps to do when you are a New Caregivers (or this can be Taking a Step Back as an Existing Caregiver) Reason i think you should do this is…….It’s easy to become overwhelmed as a new caregiver.
- Identify yourself as the caregiver (I am my Mom’s primary caregiver. I Denis wife and caregiver. )
- Get a good diagnosis and understand your LOs condition.
- Learn what specific skills you might need to care them with that dx. (dementia requires specific communications and safety care, chronic heart disease requires meds, monitoring)
- Find your team of care advocates
- Talk about finances and healthcare wishes
- Complete the paperwork (Ie power of attorney, advanced directives
- Bring family and friends together to discuss care
- Keep them up to date on the current situation and find the right way to communicate
- Find support for yourself and your LO
- Remember you are not alone and you can’t do it all.
It’s important to try to get ahead of the overwhelm or recognize when you need help. There are three levels of True Caregiver Overwhelm. Disclaimer - I am not a medical professional but have done tons of research to understand this. I’ve been there and actually dx with Caregiver Stress and can relate to it. In the show notes: I a free document that explains more of Caregiver stress at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
- Caregiver Stress
- Caregiver burnout
- Compassion Fatigue
So if I circle back, it’s really important to bring in family and friends to help and find support for your LO and most importantly you. Find yourself a therapist or caregiver coach. This will really help you see the reality, different perspectives and problem solve.
You are in for a big treat with today's guest. I chatted with a life coach and business friend who is passionate about self-care, self-love and the pursuit of growth.
Today's guest, Amy Linsmeyer, is dedicated to helping women move forward in their personal and entrepreneur journey by encouraging dreams, their authentic self and developing a foundation that supports sustainable growth.
Amy and I talked about ways to put yourself first, finding a morning routine and most importantly taking action. She gives her best tips and mindset practices, knowing that challenges are part of the caregiver life.
Today we’re talking about being prepared and proactive in this challenging &crazy life you’re living right now. I want to share my tips based on what has worked for me & what has crashed and burned.
You 're juggling work hours, your everyday schedule plus caring for your Loved One. Then add the normal every day responsibilities like house chores, meals & errands.
Picture this:
- My work calendar is online - on my work laptop - on an outlook calendar
- My Mom’s appointments are on her paper calendar on her bulletin board
- My spouse’s appointments are on his phone and through his doctor’s app and when he or I remember, they are put on the calendar on our refrig
- My business is on my Google calendar
- Then my personal appointments are on post it notes, in your wallet, maybe the refrig calendar & if I am feeling organized, I add them to the refrig calendar
Can you relate? Prior to caregiving, I thought I was organized & actually when I was raising my 3 boys, I used to refer to myself as the project master a& knew exactly what was going on at any time.
Times have changed. I could psycho- analyze myself, but I believe it takes a heck of a lot of energy, emotions, patience a& time to care for a Loved One.
So in this episode I want to talk about what you can control & what you can do to be as prepared & organized with your time as possible.
Disclaimer here - my way is not always the right way for you. It took me months to find what worked for me. Then, when I got it right, the situation changed again.
You may be saying, why plan & why organize?
Planning is important because it helps you use your time in the most efficient way. You can realistically gauge how much you can get done & how much time you have to do it. That way, you can feel accomplished knowing that you did what you set out to do.
When caregiving, you're actually setting expectations for your Loved Ones, keeping your life somewhat organized, & most importantly setting boundaries for yourself & making yourself a priority
Think long &hard on what boundaries you NEED to set for yourself. You need to put yourself first so you don’t stress & burnout. You are no good to anyone if you can’t function physically & emotionally.
So here’s a sneak peek into my Sunday’s night planning time. I first grab my favorite beverage & block off 1 hour to plan my week’s schedule. I go into the week feeling much better & have found out that I'm somewhat of a planning nerd now.
Before I share & walk through the steps, I captured everything for you in an easy step by step free document. Just go to cathylvan.com/sundayplanning
Look at all your calendars & put into one calendar
- If you are old school, find yourself a nice planner
- If you like electronic, you can use something like google calendar or i calendar
You now have a visual of what the week holds.
First: Schedule YOUR time.
Second: You now have to figure out the Caregiving
Third: Then work schedule & commitment
Four: What other personal obligations or essential responsibilities do I have this wee
Now you should be ready to go into your week knowing what is one your schedule. Obviously you can’t control the unexpected.
As a caregiver, you may have to make sacrifices. But one thing you can’t sacrifice is your health & well-being. You have to recognize the importance of YOU. Look in the mirror at you & tell yourself that you will take care of her.
Amanda Millemon is a special needs mom, Physician Assistant, & entrepreneur living in Omaha with her husband, 2 daughters, 2 step-daughters & a black lab, Lynnie. Her goal is to inspire other special needs moms to make themselves a priority & remind them of the importance of self-love.
I looked really deep into my eyes & said to myself in the mirror - you finally did it. I finally did something for you. Up to that point it was taking care of everything & doing everything for everyone else. And I hadn’t taken the time to look deep in my soul & ask myself - what do I really want to be happy? Being a special needs mom. Caring for her over the years. Doing what was best for her. Finding a partner for her that would be a good parent for her. I hadn’t taken the time to really look at myself. For the first time I made a choice of self love. It didn't happen overnight. It took a lot of self-reflection to realize to do something that matters in myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s time for you & time to take care of myself.
The reality of caregiving is always juggling schedules, ensuring their needs are met & how am I going to get my needs met & things done.
In a caregiving family, there’s always one person that has to make sacrifices. It’s your new reality. You usually grieve the life you had or think you had. Once you come to the acceptance, you then can create a new reality. Then work with what you have & accept that’s what life has handed me. These are the cards you've been dealt. I don’t think anyone’s life is easy. It’s ok to grieve & wish it was different. But then you have to move from that. You go through that repeatedly. But then you have to remind yourself of your reality. You can always look at what’s lost or find the beauty in the moment.
Once you get to that point of embracing your reality, life gets so much more beautiful.
You can use your situation to find a new you instead of thinking of it as holding you back in life. At the same time, there are moments you grieve, feel lonely, etc). That’s normal. You need to have those times. Give yourself time & grant yourself grace. It sucks & acknowledge it. Allow yourself time to feel those frustrations. Then you pick yourself up & move on. It won’t make anything better but you need the time. You can’t be happy all the time. BUT then move on to what’s next - acceptance and new
Remember it’s important to find that balance & take care of yourself. It’s not selfish or negative.
Reduce overwhelm? 1. Focusing on the things we can control vs what we can’t control. We have no ability to change that. When we do focus on those we can’t control - that’s where the overwhelm starts. We can control relationships, our energy, our well-being, etc. 2. Switching your thoughts, you become more empowered & feel control in your life. 3. Make a list of things you have control over in your life - making goals & you'll see a difference. 4. Gratitude is a great practice & makes you appreciate what you were
Acceptance and gratitude are the two things that helped me
It's important to eliminate things that are too much. Learning to say no to the things that are not important. Narrowing down what’s a priority. Letting stuff go & learning to do that helps your mindset. You don’t have to do everything & it doesn’t need to be perfect. Saying yes to yourself. Being ok with not be super busy.
Find Amanda at
Feeling Stretched. Feeling like you have no time for anything. Feeling frazzled and can’t even look beyond now.
This is your new normal. This is your new reality.
How does that make you feel when I say that? Let me say it again. This is your new normal. This is your new reality.
When I was in the thick of my caregiving overwhelm, I felt unprepared, stretched, frazzled and exhausted. I was angry. I would sit and cry. I felt hopeless and even thought that there was something wrong with me. I didn’t want to admit my new reality. For some reason I thought this was a temporary thing.
I was missing deadlines at work. Couldn’t focus. I make mistakes on my finances and my Mom’s finances. I would lose my phone and my keys. Any extra time I had, I would sit lifeless and just scroll social media or sleep.
I was thinking, am I getting dementia. I lost control.
The Reality is……..
Your life is now different. Your schedule has changed. Your responsibilities have changes.
Raise your hand if you need to rethink your routine, schedule and mindset?
My breakthrough was when I realized that I couldn’t just let this new normal control me. I had to take the reins and control it.
Life is valuable. Your time is valuable. Your health is valuable. Your passions are valuable. Your loved one is important to you. Your friends and social life are important
I told myself, I had it in me to figure it out. I had to think like the manager of my life. Think about the coach telling that player, I need you to play QB. We need you. Your mind might say - I never played that position before. I don’t know the plays. Well, what would you do?
Same goes for you. Take control of your caregiver role and everything else in your life.
If I came to your home right now and looked at your schedule, what would I see?
- Are you prepared? Or are you living reactive?
- A fixed mindset lives reactive, no plan and stops believing and hoping. They are just handling the problems and complaining.
What can you do to improve your situation?
- Reading, researching, learning, podcasts, digital courses
- Growth Mindset - what am I growing into? How can I make the most of this new reality? What must I learn from myself, from others? How will I learn it?
Take the action
- Put time on your calendar - when will you do the steps
- Take time to assess your situation and then readjust and pivot until it works for you.
- Accept that you will fail and learn from it
- Accept that your way will not always be ways everyone will see as it
- Realize you can’t do it all - ask for help or release the things that are not priority
Life is valuable and you only have so much time on this earth. So filling your cup with a positive mindset, a growth mindset, the gift of time, joy and less frazzle and overwhelm. It won’t be easy but I know you can find it.
I am super, duper excited for 2021!!! Did you notice that this podcast name has changed!!!!
It’s called The Caregiver Cup
Helping working woman caregivers fill their cup!!!! Why?
- I want to broaden my scope. I want to touch you the caregiver wife, daughter, aunt, sister, niece, fiance, friend. You may be even caring for more than one person.
- I want to focus on filling your cup with the right things What are you filling your cup with? It starts with filling your cup first to be an effective caregiver
- You want to be aware that when you continue to fill your cup with overwhelm and NOT release it, it will overflow This podcast’s focus is on working through overwhelm, stress, anxiety and more. I want you to find your personal plan to improve with healthy habits, a positive, healthy mindsets, setting boundaries and finding yourself time. You deserve to pursue your passions and goals even if your loved one needs you.
So in 2021, you will continue to hear from me every Tuesday on The Caregiver Cup Podcast! I will also have some interviews and guests
I will also be providing webcast and digital courses to offer more learning and adjustments to your new normal.
Coaching is also something I'll be continuing. I'm a firm believer in asking for help. It may be a professional therapist. It may also be some mindset and self-development coaching. If coaching is something you are considering, I offer a free 30 minute chat at www.cathylvan.com/coaching. My coaching is all about assessing your situation and coming up with a plan to improve the area you need help with the most. IE: time management, setting boundaries, mindset, setting goals and more.
So I hope you life up that cup and fill it with the things you need the most. Happy New Year!! This year can be the year you take control of you FIRST.
Have you said one of these statements?
- “I feel so alone and isolated.”
- “I miss my friends.”
- “I miss my spouse.”
- “I would give anything to step back in time and enjoy the past.”
- “I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything.”
- “ I am lonely and sad.”
For caregivers, feelings isolated and lonely is a common complaint I hear and what I experienced quite often myself and a lot during the holidays. You feel isolated and withdrawn from your family, friends and your daily routines. You most likely had to replace time with caregiving duties or you stay behind from activities since your spouse can’t go.
In a recent June 2020, National Center for Health article.
- 43.7%, of caregivers reported moderate loneliness (almost half)
- 17.7% reported severe loneliness.
- Overall 50% of caregivers were being diagnosed for depression.
This can lead to a withdrawal from social activities and relationships that you previously enjoyed. You may also find that you’re literally facing isolation.
I am sure lonely feels are present for you too.
So let’s talk about how to reduce those feelings and talk through some tips.
I have a 4 question process - four questions to ask yourself. It’s best if you grab a pen and notebook and journal these questions. You’ll be able to look back on these and gain insights.
-
Why am I lonely?
-
Be honest with yourself
-
List the truths and facts
-
What am I missing?
-
Family? Friends?
- Routines? Habits?
- Relationships?
- Work?
-
Gym ?
-
How do I feel?
-
Depressed, sad
- Angry, resentment
- Disengaged
- Grief, loss
- Tired
Once you have a clear picture of the facts and your feelings, you can then move into ways to improve your situation.
-
How do I manage and improve your loneliness?
-
It starts with you figuring out what works for you. It may take some time to find your loneliness cure.
Here’s a few ideas I brainstormed.
- What activities can you do? (by yourself & with other ppl)
- Make a list of your “go to” ppl you can connect with when lonely - text, facetime, call
- Make an effort to reach out even when you don’t want to.
- Try giving back - volunteer time - mom and I rang bells
- Move your body - walking, dancing,
- Seek therapy
- Take a social media break
- Get some sunshine
- Hobbies
- Baking
- Music
- Join a group
I know what you are saying. I can’t do these things.
- I am stuck and my spouse needs me.
- I don’t have time
- I feel guilty if I go and do something
But if you don’t….
- 29% increase in heart disease and a 32% increase in stroke.
- Weight gain
- Relationship issues
- Fear sets in
- Isolation paralysis
- You start feeling comfortable lonely
- Depression
“My caregiver mantra is to remember: the only control you have is over the changes you choose to make.”
– Nancy L. Kriseman
chooseyourjoy #chooseyourattiude #chooseyourway
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. Caregiving can be very overwhelming but when you break it down and focus on yourself first, YOU CAN manage this.
Today I want to talk about Wilma. Who is she? She is that talk in your head that keeps you up at night. She talks and raises your stress level. She keeps distracting you. She drives you crazy sometimes.
I know you and I have Wilma in our head on occasion. She is the worrier.
This past week, I let Wilma the Worrier take control of me. My husband, Denis wasn’t feeling well and had two occasions where he was nauseous, had stomach pain and fatigue. If you haven’t hear about Denis, let me quick tell you his health journey. He was diagnosed in 2017 with CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) and then int 2018 his cancer morphed into Hodgkins Lymphoma. He is currently in remission but when he gets sick or has symptoms, we tend to get nervous.
Like I said, I let my brain control me with the Wilma worry. I laid in bed and couldn’t sleep with worry, I then started obsessing over Google and searching for symptoms and possible reasons for him not feeling well.
I told myself that I had this mastered. I worked really hard in 2018 to not let worry control me.
Can you relate? Overwhelm and most specifically worry comes back when you least expect it.
What I have learned is that you have to recognize it and come to the realization that you are doing it.
Once I recognize it I have my own “go to plan”
- Self Talk : My self talk are those quiet times in the shower, when I am driving, working out, sitting alone. It’s my real talk. That 25% of your brain that is positive, optimistic
- Journal: Get that notebook or journal and start writing things out. I wrote out all the what if, the whys, then I don’t want to go back into a hard season. I recommend you keep writing until you’ve exhausted all thoughts. It’s interesting when I get all my pessimistic and negative thoughts out, i then shifted to reality: wait to worry, I will figure it out, I know what to do and stop wasting your energy, Cathy. So Wilma - take a hike.
- Conversation with my spouse / loved one. I am then ready to have some conversation with Denis or another loved one or friend. It help to share your worry and talk through what each other are thinking.
Your worries are all legitimate fears. What if my Dad doesn’t take his heart meds. What if mom is scammed and loses her savings. What if my spouse has another stroke. What if I lose my job.
But too much worry can create anxiety, paralyze problem solving, and cause tension in relationships and more.
But completely worry-free isn't realistic. But what is realistic is taking steps to get some control over your worries.
Determine which worries are productive and unproductive
An unproductive worry is something we have no control over, like the fact that your mom’s health is declining.
If you can recognize some of your worries as unproductive, you can get into the habit of telling yourself “there’s absolutely nothing I can do about this, so it’s a waste of time to even worry about it.”
Soon, you’ll be able to stop worrying and accept it as an unchangeable fact.
A productive worry is something where you can do something to improve the situation.
Ask “what’s the worst that could happen?”
Tackle a worry head-on and ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen if this worry came true?”
Then, think about what you would do if it does happen. Preparing for a situation can reduce the power that worry has over you.
So when Wilma starts to get in your head. Remember these techniques but also remember that if you let Wilma stay too long she will take control of you.
FACT: You have 168 hours a week. 24 hours a day. No more.
- How many hours do you work your job or business?
- How many hours do you spend working around your home?
- How many hours running errands?
- Now at the time of the podcast - it’s holiday season. How many hours are you shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating or doing other activities of the season?
- How many hours do you spend caregiving?
- Time for you?
Have you said any of these words out loud or to yourself
- I am so tired?
- I can barely make it through the day.
- I would give anything to take a nap.
- I can’t remember the last time I had a goodnight sleep.
- I just keep drinking caffeine hoping to stay awake.
I want to share a couple stories with you.
These two stories are my own. I didn’t want to realize my reality. I didn’t want to face that I couldn’t do it all.
I lied to myself that things would get better. I was at a virtual conference this week and listened to Michael Hyatt and this so resonated with me
- “Resist the illusion to think your workload is temporary.”
- I kept telling myself that life would get better and this wouldn’t be forever.
- I needed to take a trip to the honest planet and come clean - I needed to change
I let this go on and on for months. Looking back, I now recognize it. I also see the negative results: I gained 30 pounds, didn’t get my yearly raise, disconnected with my friends, and struggled with health issues.
This is hard for me to talk about. People kept telling me I was an inspiration but deep inside I was so tired. I felt exhausted all the time. I felt like a failure.
But one can only do what they can do. One can only do what you know and think is right.
Friend, I am telling you that it’s time to take a look in that mirror and really ask yourself are you being honest with yourself.
If you want to reduce fatigue, you need to start with recognition.
Look at your week and write down all the things you have on your schedule. All the details.
Evaluate how you are spending your time.
- What things were necessary? (sleep, nutrition)
- What things could you get help with? (home chores)
- What things were missing? (time away)
- What things could you eliminate or get efficiency in (online deliveries)
You can’t put more coffee in your filled cup
Unfortunately there is not a quick fix to Caregiver Fatigue or Caregiver Stress. But what I know is that you can take baby steps. You deserve it. You can’t drink from an empty cup
Have you laid in bed and wished that the world would just go away?
Yes it’s normal to feel like that on occasion. But reality is, we have to get up and live our life.
What does your day look like?
- A day of doctor appointments
- A day of chemotherapy or physical therapy
- Is your spouse having surgery today
- Is it staying home and taking care of your spouse
- Are you working?
- Are you trying to figure out how to get that appliance repaired
- Do you have to clean the house or do the laundry
- Grocery shopping
- Launching a new product in your business?
What is your mind saying this morning to you?
- I am stressed
- I am anxious
- I am struggling
- I am sad
- I am angry
- I am frustrated
- It’s ground hog’s day
- I am excited
- I am feeling joy
Our minds are incredibly powerful. You can influence your mood each day.
Your mind will welcome the easy way out like negativity (the downward) thoughts saying just go back to bed or stay in that sad mood. It will tell you it’s ok and convince you of it.
You will have to work hard to get your mind to accept it’s positive thoughts. Sometimes it’s really hard. If I’m in a super down, I’ll tell my mind to take a hike.
Think of your mind as a muscle. You will have to build that muscle to think upward especially in hard and challenging times.
I am not saying you have to be happy or fake happiness. But you can push through and find joy in your day. You have a choice to wake up and make the best of the day. It’s a new day and a new gift to be the best version of you.
So how do you adopt that morning mindset?!! I have a list of 10 suggestions. Now everyone is different which means you can customize it for you. You can’t do all these but maybe one or two of these will help. I will walk through these but also have create a free download for you at cathylvan.com/morningtips
- Self-Talk
2: Plan your day the night before
3: Dress up
4: Journaling
5: Move 30 minutes
6: Sit with yourself
7: Fuel your body
8: Start with your passions
9: Find motivation
10: Pamper yourself
You may be saying - that’s fine and dandy but I don’t have time or I can’t or my life is too hard for me right now. Girl…… you need this now more than ever.
My ask to you is why????
- You deserve this
- You can find time - it may require you to get up earlier or push some things back.
- You can do this after you take care of your spouse but do something
- Think about how good you will feel
- Think about what happens if you don’t - burn out, health and mental issues, etc
Your mind will require you to build the muscle. It takes 14-21 day to form a habit.
Reinvent your morning!!! Set yourself up for a good day.
Friend, you’re in for a real treat today with my guest, Esther Mbabzi. She’s an oncology nurse with tons of passion, stories and amazing advice for you.
I love how Esther shares experiences about her patients and their Caregivers when they are in the toughest parts of their life and the reality of the situation..
Esther lives in Norway and in addition to working in oncology, she is creating a digital course for Caregivers of spouses with colon cancer. The course’s purpose is to guide caregivers from the moment diagnosed and show them how to walk from within. She focuses first on the Caregiver’s mindset before all else. You can find more information and a free spousal care guide at https://arisehaven.com
In this podcast conversation, you’ll hear
- Personal stories reinforcing that everyone is different and handles crises differently,
- What the caregiver wife needs to know and do, and
- Great advice on the things you can control and things outside of your control.
I have three key takeaways:
- Esther’s hope for Caregivers: “My hope is realization. It’s a progress. You have to go through it step by step until you realize it’s your new normal.
- Your number one priority when your spouse is diagnosed with cancer is your own self- care, not your spouse. A tired caregiver is no good to anyone.
- Caregivers always say that they lose contact with others. Reasons are that people don’t know what to say to you. They think you are busy or taking a nap. They think you will reach out to them when you need help. So it’s you that has to stay connected.
Enjoy the episode 9 of The Caregiver Wife Podcast!!!
Join the The Caregiver Wife Community
Get a FREE coaching session to assess your new normal.
I have been really troubled lately when I hear caregivers say: “This is the way it is now”, “I wish I could enjoy time out”, “I can’t ask them, they have their own life” or “I have to carry this alone”.
This may sound harsh and bold & I don’t mean it to be this way. But when you look at the glass half empty, you'll continue to stay that way. Complaining, moping and negativity are easy.
Yes, you're experiencing a terrible, challenging time. I'm sending hugs & warm thoughts. BUT, let me be your best friend in your ear. You have to pick yourself up! Everything, I mean everything in your life isn't broken. Yes, your spouse is sick, your new normal is hard but there are parts that are ok.
Today I want to talk about making the best of EVERY situation.
I'm hearing many complaining about the holidays not being good this year. Yes, we're quarantining & being asked to stay home. But, what about those people that lost their loved ones? What about the people that lost their jobs & are losing their home?
Instead of saying & thinking negative. Think: No hustle and bustle, I don’t have to get dressed up. I don’t have to travel. We can stay in our pjs all day. We can have dinner anytime we want to. We can try new things. We can Facetime our families.
Same goes for you! Instead of focusing on the challenges first, I encourage you to find joy & gratitude first.
In these trying days, you can easily lose sight of joy, hope & happiness. When the world feels like it’s spiraling out of control & all seems to be lost, holding onto positive feelings can be a tough thing.
Do you ever notice how some folks always seem to have their chins up, even on the worst of days? It’s a valuable trait, & it’s also one that most people have to learn with time as a skill.
Here are my ways to find your joy, even in difficult times.
- PAY ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS
- EXERCISE
- STAY GRATEFUL
- DRESS UP
- SET GOALS AND PURSUE PASSION
- DON’T FORGET SELF-CARE
- FIND WAYS TO LAUGH
- MEDITATE
- TURN OFF OR TUNE OUT NEGATIVITY
- SING AND DANCE
- BE ONE WITH NATURE
- GET ENOUGH SLEEP
- COOK
You will find my a detailed list at cathylvan.com/episode8.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” - Wayne Dryer
Hey There, It’s Cathy with a fun bonus episode of THE CAREGIVER WIFE PODCAST. It’s my birthday. What better way to celebrate my birthday than with you, my listener.
My birthday parties of the past…..
I remember those pizza parties and slumber parties. Everyone would come with their fun sleeping bags, pjs and little suitcase. We would stay up all night sharing stories, putting on makeup, dancing to music and playing true or dare. And, we would call boys on the telephone. My parents would be just as exhausted as I would, since they heard screaming girls all night long.
Then as I aged, my parents would let me pick out a favorite restaurant and they would take me out. I would always pick a supper club. I loved the salad bars, baked potatoes and a tenderloin steak. Then I would order a grasshopper from the bar. It was my alone time with my Mom and Dad.
Those memories are so fun to think back on.
As the years went on I had birthday dates with my husband, Denis. Sometimes a casual dinner and sometimes a dinner and movie and sometimes a local theater.
The last few years they were low key due to Denis’ chemo and knee surgery. Then this year COVID really changed it up. I am looking forward to a Zoom call or facetime.
For this podcast and my birthday, I asked family and friends to share a 30 second clip. I asked them to share something you, my listener didn’t know about me… That’s risky but also some fun.
So let’s hear from them now. They recorded these in various ways so you will notice the audio will be different ENJOY!
- Julie (friend)
- Denise (friend)
- Jan (mom)
- John (brother)
- Mark (son)
- Krystal (daughter-in-law)
- Jamie (son)
- Matthew (son)
- Denis (husband)
Hope you enjoyed a fun segment from my family and friends. I feel so blessed to have them but also thankful that you let me into your life weekly and whenever I throw in an extra bonus episode.
To end my episode, I want to encourage you to find time for yourself in this challenging new normal you’re in. You can take care of your spouse if you are not taking care of you first. Give yourself some self love each day whether it be a walk, quiet time journaling, sitting down for dinner or grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend. Until next time, take care.
As I was prepping for this podcast, I went back to a dark day in 2018. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I called in sick from my 9-5 job and actually lied about being sick. I just wanted to get in the car and drive away. How far could I go before anyone noticed? I seriously wanted to run away from my life.
That day I did go for a drive. I spent that day really figuring out where I was. I had to face reality. I had to accept my new normal, grieve my old life and move forward. It was a huge tipping point for me.
It is hard to face this reality , but truth is, you have to hear it . You have to take that step forward.
I have a free handout for you. This is what I wrote out that day. Go to www. cathylvan.com/newnormal
Now it’s not the magical potion or a solution, but it helped me shift my thoughts and emotions to make the best of the situation and get that positive mindset working.
I want to talk about YOU, your choices and your new normal.
- It’s hard
- It sucks
- You can’t focus
- I am stressed
- I am angry
- I am in shock
- I am confused
- I think you get what I am saying.
It’s not fair and you didn’t see it coming.
But you could say - it’s bad, it’s awful, I am done. I can’t do this. I have to quit my life, It’s my life now.
Or you can say this new normal is my new challenge, my new struggle and I will adjust.
I love this stat. A person has 60k thoughts daily. 45k of those thoughts are negative, pessimistic, doubtful, etc. That means only 25% of our thoughts are positive, optimistic, etc
So it takes a heck of a lot of work to shift your brain, train your brain and look at it with reality and the choice to be positive.
Caregiving it hard. Watching your spouse’s illness or injury is hard.
I remember going to the dark place often. But you have to recognize that you don’t want to stay there.
But reality is, you're grieving and dealing with this new normal
Grieving the life that you had. Wherever you are at in this process, you can feel grief immediately, later down the road and it can come back at different times.
It starts with acknowledging and sitting with your situation and feelings. There's not a magical formula that will tell you how to do this or how long this takes. But what I know is that you can’t avoid it or deny it’s happening.
- It may require talking to someone
- Journaling
- Just crying and sitting with it for a while.
- Everyone is different
- Each of the situations are different
You are going through a major change in your life. I think of it as an identity change
- Your identity is changing. You're changing. You'll come out of this a totally different person
- But your mind is still processing who you were vs who you are now.
- You are becoming someone else.
You can choose your identity and mindset
Believe in yourself.
Believe in who you are and stand up for your purpose
Believe that you are in control of your efforts.
Create that higher capacity to succeed - higher capacity to believe it.
Stand up with courage and belief and control what you can control
Choose your hard
Choose your mindset
Choose your believe
One of my favorite additions to The Caregiver Wife Podcast is the interviews with caregiver wives. Each woman has a unique with a different story. Each diverse story that’s shared is a way for listeners to gain insights, motivation, inspiration, strength and ways to lead as a caregiver. If you want to share your story, go to www.cathylvan.com/podcast/sharemystory
I would love to connect with you!!!
And now on to the show episode…. In this episode….
I have the pleasure of interviewing Jodi Duggan. She is a Mom, Grandmother, and Caregiver Wife. I have a unique connection to her since she is married to my brother, John. I knew her story but when I heard her share the details, I felt her strength, courage and abilities to overcome challenges in a whole different light. Oh and did I share that she was a military wife raising 4 children while my brother was deployed.
Just 4 weeks after starting my caregiving journey, I stood at the starting line to run my half marathon. I struggled, cried, and just about quit until I got to mile 10. Listen to this episode to see how to use gratitude to get through your challenges.
At the 10th mile I experienced frustration, anger, sadness and resignation. I had to figure out how to pull myself to that “good space”?
Quote for Jennifer Gayle:
"When you look at life through the eyes of gratitude, the world becomes a magical and amazing place."
There are huge benefits for adding gratitude to your daily habits.
It increases productivity - gratitude trains the brain and shifts your mindset to focus on the good. This in turn increases your happiness, joy and boosts your mood.
- Making it a habit first thing in the morning. Making it a priority especially in tough times is so important. I recommend journaling. Each morning I grab my notebook (cup of coffee) and write 5 things I am grateful for.
- Not basic things but really specific things. As I am looking at my journal back in December of 2017, when things were really challenging I read an entry …… I am grateful for:
- The kind words from my friend Julie
- A walk with Denis to talk through our tough week
- My doggie kisses when I really needed them
- Singing in the shower to boost my mood
- Talking to mom
Keeping a journal is a very personal activity and it allows you to record your achievements. It builds self-esteem. When you wake up each day and compliment YOU, your soul feels appreciation and purpose.
- I am proud of myself for _______________________
- Healthy habit
- Asking for help
- Finishing my project
- Spending time with my spouse
Get my free template that I write in my journal each day by click on the podcast notes or going out to www.cathylvan/gratitude This free handout can simply be transferred into your notebook. The important thing is that you can adjust it a bit based on your needs. I actually have added: my top 3 priorities for the day to it too. This helps me keep my focus on these even when life gets super busy.
On those super hard days, you can pull out that journal before bed and write down grateful sentiments which can help you sleep better vs pondering over worries. It reminds me of that 10th mile and I can choose to be in that downward spiral or I can choose positivity
All in all grateful people take better care of themselves. Now this is a habit. A habit takes on average 28 days to form. Think about things you do each day without thinking - like brushing your teeth, brewing your coffee, making your bed, eating lunch, etc.
When you decide to journal each day, you will find that you can shift your focus and thought. You’re able to feel more positive emotions, relish the good in each day and the good experiences and build stronger experiences.
Meet my best friend, high school sweetheart and spouse of 39 years. Denis Vandenheuvel is the most optimistic and positive person I know.
In today’s episode, Denis will share his health journey and talk through his struggles and ways he shifted his mindset.
I hope you can glean information from the eyes of my spouse going through his health struggles in the last three years. See more pictures and stories on my website at http://www.cathylynnvan.com/about
My caregiving journey started in September 2017. Life went from normal to being tossed in the air falling apart. I know that’s pretty dramatic, but that was reality.
It meant immediate action mode to help my spouse fight cancer. I learned the many roles of Caregiver fast (scheduler, advocate, chauffeur, nurse) plus all the medical terminologies and procedures ( biopsies, hematology, chemotherapy, CT scans, PET scans).
In the midst of this, I felt like I was riding a roller coaster. My emotions went from shock to lack of focus to sadness to denial to worry to anger and more. Then when I felt like I could manage my emotions, overwhelm and exhaustion became my new visitor.
In today’s episode, I’m sharing the one thing that shifted me in the right direction. I took 15 minutes and sat down with a notebook and pen and reflected on the big picture. Get my FREE “big picture” handout that will get you to see where you were, where you are and gets you working towards a better version of you in this caregiving journey.
Let’s get to this big picture episode!
Are you feeling stuck? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Maybe you feel that each day is running together and you are just getting through.
In today’s episode, I want to share the concept of a “caged life”. When you’re going through a difficult journey, you’re bound to be afraid and frustrated YOU are not a bad person because of it. What I want to say is that you want to recognize where you’re at and then figure out ways to move out of fear and out of frustration.
Identify coping skills and healthy triggers to overcome your fear and frustrations.
Learn why a community of support is key. Join The Caregiver Wife Community on Facebook. It’s a private group for caregiver wives.
Six months ago, I wrote in my goals journal: “I am a podcaster”. Guess what?!
This goal now is a reality. My podcast is to help you, the Caregiver Wife, by sharing my experiences, tips and bringing on other caregiver wives and experts to make your journey easier
In today’s episode, I want to introduce myself & share my story. I hope you find things we have in common and relatable.
It took me years to shift my mindset of thinking like a CEO of my life. But once I did, it was like seeing the sunshine through the clouds.
Enjoy my very first episode! To learn more about me and my business, visit my website at www.cathylvan.com