Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller: Recent Episodes
Walt Mueller
Youth Culture Today is a 60-second daily radio spot from CPYU and Walt Mueller, now available as a podcast. It provides a quick glance into the world of teenagers and today's youth culture for parents, youth workers and others who care about kids and want to help them navigate adolescence in ways that bring glory to God.
All this week we’re looking at the recent Surgeon General’s warning on the Harms of Screen Use in the lives of our children and teenagers. The advisory says that screen use may be harmful when a child loses control over their screen use, and warning signs of compulsive behavior begin to manifest in our child’s life. Parents, are you seeing any of the following warning signs? Spending too much time on screens or constantly thinking about them. Repeatedly asking to use screens, often while whining, crying, or sulking. Using screens to feel better and becoming upset or moody when screen time ends. Hiding or lying about screen use. Getting defensive when asked about screen use. Trying unsuccessfully to reduce screen use. Showing symptoms of withdrawal when screens are not available. Prioritizing screen time over responsibilities, family time, and other activities. And finally, continuing to engage with their screens despite the disciplinary negative consequences.
Late last Spring, the United States Surgeon General issued an advisory warning regarding how to protect children and teens from the harms of screen use. The advisory tells us “harmful screen use among children and adolescents has become a public health concern”, with screen exposure often beginning before a child’s first birthday and then increasing as children age. In fact, by the time they reach adolescence, children may spend more time on screens than sleeping or attending school. If you’re a parent, I’m sure you’re aware of the many ways screen use is affecting your kids, and it’s usually not in a positive manner. The advisory warns us that “harmful screen use, particularly on social media is linked to developmental, mental, and physical health challenges and poor educational outcomes.” Parents, because God has called us to protect our children from harm, we’ll be spending each day this week learning more about the Surgeon General’s advisory.
Last spring I was watching the local news when I saw a story about a group of ten teenagers who were riding e-bikes while being chased by the police. It all happened in broad daylight, as the kids vandalized school athletic fields, stopped traffic on a busy street, and injured a man by riding past and kicking him, all while shouting profanities. Because electronic bikes can be customized to travel at speeds higher than forty-five miles an hour, all of the riders got away from the police and were never caught. Parents, e-bikes are everywhere and chances are your kids already have one or will be pestering you for one. Be aware of the local regulations, many of which are being formed, debated, and enacted even as we speak. These bikes are dangerous, and it’s your God-given responsibility to ensure the safety of your kids, teaching them to ride not only with care, but with respect for others. Yes, all of our activities, even riding a bike, should be seen as an act of worship!
It hurts to watch our kids suffer. In a youth culture pervaded by bullying, our kids may sometimes suffer injustice at the hands of others. Sometimes, their suffering is brought on by choices they’ve made. At other times, circumstances related to illness or accidents are the cause of their suffering. The Scriptures teach us that because of the flawed nature of ourselves and our world, we should not be surprised by difficulty and suffering. In fact, times of difficulty, pain, and suffering are what God uses to draw us to Himself, to conform us to His likeness, and to whittle off all that extra “fluff” that keeps us from maturing in our faith. The Psalmist knew this to be the case. In Psalm 119:71 we read, “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.” When our teens suffer, it might actually be good for the simple reason that God is at work in their lives. While we want to see them thrive in a life free of hurt and pain, suffering can be good.
Several years a thirty-something friend of mine called to tell me what happened to him while he was driving. His heart began beating out of his chest. His face turned red, and he began to sweat profusely. Thinking he was having a heart attack, he drove to the ER, only to learn he was over-consuming caffeine. Because of the way caffeine can effect one’s physical health, experts are increasingly concerned about the use of caffeine products among our children and teens. For several years now, caffeine-infused energy drinks have been the target of warnings. Now, kids are using caffeine pouches as a pick-me-up, which are placed between the cheek and gums to deliver a quick dose of caffeine into the bloodstream, each one being equal to up to two cups of coffee. There are a host of side effects, along with tolerance and withdrawal. Parents, teach your kids to stay away from caffeine pouches as a way to steward the health of their bodies to the glory of God.
One of the most heart-breaking and difficult aspects of being a Christian parent who longs to see his kids embrace and mature in their own faith, is the rocky nature of adolescent faith. Much of their “wavering” is simply a part of the teenage territory and the process of adopting their family’s faith as their own. But maybe an even greater amount of that wavering is rooted in their humanness. . . a reality that we share with them. Let’s face it – we are all sinful and fallen people whose lives – just like the lives of so many Biblical characters – have always been marked by periods of doubt, struggle, problems, and failures. The Bible is filled with stories of rebellious human beings who were called by God to be His people, but who often stubbornly followed their own will and way. Becoming transparent with our kids about the presence of these realities in our own lives can be liberating for them. It not only allows them to see us in our full humanity and dependence on God, but it gives them permission to struggle, doubt, and sometimes fail.
I still can’t stop thinking about something that happened back in May and the college commencement season. There were several news reports that popped up regarding the response of graduating students to things that their commencement speakers were saying. It seems that concerns over Artificial Intelligence spurred on choruses of boos at a variety of schools where the commencement speakers were touting AI. One of the main reasons for the pushback is the fact that college graduates are watching the quick advance of AI and wondering if the technology will actually take their place in the job market. During a recent dinner out in a restaurant, I interacted with a waitress who had graduated with a dual degree in IT and Marketing. She blamed her lack of a job on the presence of AI in those fields. I believe that the response of these students is warranted as we have to tap the brakes and exercise caution regarding the space we carve out for Ai in our lives.
Every now and then I come across some words from a social media influencer that are good, true, right, and helpful. That’s what I encountered on an Instagram reel posted by Matt Chenard. In his post on anxiety, Chenard shares four steps he takes when he feels anxious and depressed, steps that we can share with our kids. First, pray about the good things in your life. Thank God for His goodness and blessings. Second, pray about what’s on your heart. Tell God what it is you are anxious about. Surrender it to Him and ask Him to carry it. Third, pray for wisdom and discernment to know what you can and can’t control. Pray for wisdom on how to best take action on that which you can control. And fourth, speak truth to your mind and heart. Meditate on God’s Word. Read it to yourself, making His truth louder than the lies the world would have us believe. I love these four steps, and I believe they can be used in transformative ways to help your kids battle their anxiety.
There’s a story about a thirteen year old boy and something that happened to him on a day in April nineteen fifty nine that reminds me of a way we parents should be praying regularly for our kids. Steve Saner was growing up in Cincinnati and was big fan of the Reds. Without his parents knowing it, Saner would often skip school on game days to head over to Crosley field to catch a game. He would move around the stadium, trying to catch balls that would go into the stands. On that day in in nineteen fifty nine, Saner was standing behind the right field fence when the Red’s Ted Kluszewski hit a home run over the outstretched glove of Pirate’s right fielder Roberto Celemente. A news photographer from the Cincinnati Enquirer captured a photo of the moment, and when Saner’s father saw his son’s picture in the paper, the boy’s cover was blown. Saner was caught! So, what should we pray? That our kids’ sin will be exposed, so that we have an opportunity to set them straight!
Last Spring I had two of my grandkids with me during a visit to the community where I spent my elementary and middle school years. I was prompted to take a trip down memory lane when right at noon, the fire whistle at the local volunteer fire department let out that familiar siren. I stopped dead in my tracks. “Did you hear that?” I asked the kids. “Yes”, they replied. “That’s the twelve-o’clock whistle, and there’s another one that will go off again at five pm.” During the 1960’s it was those regularly timed test whistles that my mother was talking about whenever she sent us out the door play, telling us to come home for lunch when you hear the twelve o’clock whistle, and home for dinner when you hear the five o’clock whistle. We were involved in what was called unsupervised and unstructured free play. Researchers now tell us that this is what builds resiliency and agency in kids. Parents, we help our kids when we pull back on the helicopter parenting.
I once heard someone say, you tell me how your spend your time, and I’ll tell you who or what your God is. For kids growing up in today’s over-scheduled smartphone-saturated world, it’s reasonable to assume that most kids spend far too little time or no time at all reading and studying their Bibles. This means that they spend more time focused on nurturing their allegiance to the idols of this world, rather than on nurturing their relationship with the One true God. We need to make it priority one to model regular Bible reading to our kids, while involving them in learning how to read the Bible by reading with us. Teach your children read the Bible regularly. Teach your children to read the Bible rightly, by seeking to understand it’s intended meaning rather what they might think it means. And finally, read the Bible repetitiously, pondering, meditating on, and re-reading a passage. Parents, lead your children into embracing a hunger and thirst to know God’s Word.
I have an eleven year old grandson who has a history of asking deep theological questions that are not always easily answered. For example, he recently asked how old Adam and Eve were when they sinned. I wasn’t quite sure how to answer that question as we don’t really know. However, his curious mind was at work, so we were able to talk about our first parents and their rebellion against God. In a recent article, Lauren Groves, author of the Toddler Theology board book series, tells us that it’s never too early to teach theology to our kids. Parents, you need to know that the culture is catechizing our kids twenty four seven. They are constantly learning. This means that we need to take the words of Deuteronomy six seriously by looking for and taking any and every opportunity to teach our kids from birth about the things of the Lord. We are called to pass down the truths of the faith to the next generation. Are you taking the time to teach your kids about God?
One of the most important lessons we as Christian parents need to learn is that, as the Bible says, salvation is of the Lord. We cannot drag our kids kicking and screaming into God’s Kingdom. It is the Holy Spirit that does that work. Consider these words from Dr. Dan Doriani in his book, “A Man After God’s Own Heart”: “Commands can change the behavior of children or employees, if you have the ability to punish disobedience. But law, by itself, never renews the heart. The love and grace of God change us. The truth changes people if the Spirit has renewed them and given them ears to hear. But teachers, and parents, don’t have the power to change hearts. We cannot make people do what is right. In short, the root of obedience is God’s prior grace and fruit of obedience is conformity to his person and plans.” Parents, our greatest desire for our kids must be to see them come to know, love, and faithfully serve Jesus Christ. Ask the Holy Spirit to do His work in their lives.
The online sports media platform RG recently ran a piece on gambling addiction in adolescents and young adults. The story caught my eye as we here at CPYU believe that sports gambling is the next big frontier for adolescent addiction. Listen to what RG says about peer influence and the role of social circles in teen gambling: Peer influence plays a significant role in gambling behaviors among adolescents and young adults. During this stage, individuals are heavily influenced by their social circles, often adopting behaviors and attitudes that align with those of their peers. If gambling is normalized within a peer group, individuals may feel pressure to participate to gain social acceptance or maintain friendships. Social media and online communities frequently promote gambling as an exciting or glamorous activity, creating a digital environment that reinforces risky behavior.” Parents, talk to your kids about online gambling, and monitor their online activity to prevent them from taking part.
We live in a current cultural climate that teaches our children to avoid pain and pursue pleasure. While none of us like pain and we do like pleasure, the reality is that we live in a broken world where pain and suffering do exist. God promises to alleviate all pain and suffering when Jesus returns to usher in the new heavens and the new earth and God’s shalom is restored, but we do live in that in between time where suffering actually becomes a tool for God’s glory and our good. You see, our suffering is used by God to take us out of ourselves so that we might lean into Him. It’s a kind of wake-up call he uses to conform us to His image. We need to teach our kids a good theology of suffering. The Psalmist writes, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” Christian counselor Ed Welch tells us, “Suffering is God’s surgery that leads to health when responded to by faith.” Teach your kids that God is always at work in their lives, even in their suffering.
A few years ago, a Harris Poll uncovered some data regarding the attitudes of Gen Z toward technology. Keep in mind that this is the generation born between 1997 and 2012, the first of which could experience the iphone when they were ten years old. The research found that eighty percent of Gen Z was concerned that their generation has become too dependent on technology. Three-quarters of them expressed concern about how social media was impacting their mental health in negative ways. And sixty percent wished they could turn back the clock and live in a day and age before everyone was plugged into digital devices. In other words, what they were longing for was a time they themselves never experienced, but somehow knew was better. I wonder if your kids feel this way. If they share these concerns, invite them to shut down for a period to experience life without all the distractions. Encourage them to experience connections that aren’t digital.
According to a survey conducted by the Girl Scouts of the USA organization, our girls are feeling a growing amount of anxiety regarding their futures. The survey found that fifty-four percent of girls ages five to thirteen say that the idea of becoming an adult is scary or overwhelming. For girls ages eleven to thirteen, the number feeling the same wariness about the future is sixty percent. The survey reports that one not-at-all-surprising reason for this anxiety is the presence of social media and what the survey refers to as growing up in a hyper-digital world. One remedy suggested by the Girl Scouts of the USA is a remedy that should be readily available in the church. That is, providing girls with older mentors who will walk through life with them, offering them the kind of presence and support that will not only steer them in the right direction, but facilitate the growth of resiliency. You’ve heard it said that it takes a village to raise a child. Look for kids to mentor at your church.
From time to time I have given you updates on teenagers and drug use. The latest data from the National Institute on Drug Abuse show us that while the use of drugs and alcohol continues to be a problem among our kids, there is some good news. The majority of our teenagers report no use of substances during the previous thirty day period. Ninety one percent of eighth graders, eighty two percent of tenth graders, and sixty six percent of twelfth graders report using no marijuana, alcohol, or nicotine in the last thirty days. This trend reflects a steady decline that’s held since twenty twenty. However, the most frequently used substances by our kids are alcohol, nicotine via vaping devices, and marijuana. What this means is that our work is not done. The ready availability of these substances coupled with the adolescent bent towards experimentation and self-medication, requires our constant diligence, our educational efforts, and our willingness to intervene when necessary.
Something is trending among British teenagers that has left us wondering if we will ever see it here. A survey of two thousands parents and their teenage children offered some insight into how social interactions are changing in our increasingly digitized world. Ninety two percent of the teenagers surveyed said that they are much more comfortable and at ease communicating with someone via text or emoji than they are at communicating face-to-face. In addition, fifty-six percent of the teens surveyed are uncomfortable engaging in small talk, and they admit that they’d go to lengths to avoid it. And finally, twenty four percent of the teens say they cannot deliver a handshake that’s confident. Parents, I’m guessing that you were trained to look people in the eye, carry on a conversation, and deliver a firm handshake. We need to foster face-to-face intergenerational communication, and our churches are a great place for making that happen!
There’s a common scene in old western movies where a weary traveler comes into town, ties up his horse in front of the tavern, and steps to the bar. The bartender always asks, “What’ll you have?” If you ask that question of teenagers looking to quench their thirst with something other than water in today’s world, the number one beverage of choice is energy drinks. Researchers at Piper Sandler say that thirty nine percent of respondents choose energy drinks over coffee, which is number one for thirty one percent, and soda, which is number one for thirty percent. Yes, our kids love their caffeinated beverages. But since we are called by God to steward our kids’ physical well-being, we should be aware of what one Texas cardiologist, Dr. Ravi Ashwarth, is saying. He’s seeing more kids who use these drinks coming in with heart palpitations, anxiety, chest pains, and shortness of breath. He gives us this directive: “energy should not come from the can. It should come from health.”
Some new research reported in the World Journal of Pediatrics offers some compelling data regarding the connection between the borders and boundaries put on screen time use, and a child’s video gaming behavior. Researchers found that greater screen time on the part of parents, combined with the habits of allowing screen use at meals and in the bedroom, and using screens to manage behavior, was linked to some concerning outcomes in the lives of their kids. What were these concerning outcomes?Kids raised in these kinds of homes showed a higher level of later use of mature-related games, problematic video game use, and greater amounts of weekend gaming time. We shouldn’t be surprised that our screen-time borders and boundaries, or lack thereof, influences our child’s behavior. Parents, we are called to lead our kids to spiritual maturity. Take stock of the example you are giving, make changes, and prepare your child for a lifetime of flourishing in their faith.
Last year, the Gallup organization released the results of their latest American Values Index. Respondents were given a list of twenty-three values and were asked to choose all of those values that were important to them. Finishing at the top of the list were family, with forty nine percent placing that as most important, and Freedom, with thirty-percent placing that at number one. Rounding out the top ten in this order following family and freedom, were health, integrity, faith, trustworthiness, happiness, respect, kindness, and knowledge. It’s encouraging to see these results. The key, however, to bearing fruit from these values is that we choose to prioritize and functionally live out the values we say that we hold. As Christians, we know the family is a creational institution, established by God, as one male and one female enter into a covenantal marriage, then bearing the fruit of children. Parents, spend time with your kids, and diligently nurture them in the faith.
All this week we’ve been looking at some great quotes that help us to look deeply into who we are and how our culture has shaped us and our kids. Here’s quote from C.S. Lewis: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." These words are especially helpful as we live in a materialistic, market-driven world. With our teenagers seeing thousands of marketing messages a day, there’s no doubt that many of those messages sink in, convincing them that their lives will be complete if they just make this one purchase, acquire this one thing, or get to experience this one great experience. Those who are older know what that’s all about. We also know from experience that no matter what promises are made, they are never fulfilled. Lewis reminds us that we have been made by God and for a relationship with God.
All this week we’re looking at some great quotes that help us to look deeply into who we are and how our culture has shaped us and our kids. Here’s one from writer G.K. Chesteron: “Christianity has died many times and risen again; for it had a God who knew the way out of the grave.” Chesterton’s words hold true today in a cultural climate where the threats to deep and meaningful Christian faith run deep and wide. Researchers with the National Study of Youth and Religion are telling us that the shape of faith for Christian kids is anything but Christian. Researchers have labeled this faith “Moralistic, Therapeutic, Deism.” What this means it that kids believe their purpose in life is to be good and feel happy, and God exists to help make that happen whenever they decide they need him. Sadly, this is not Biblical faith. True biblical faith is that God has saved them, and that they exist to bring glory to Him.
All this week we’re looking at some great quotes that help us to look deeply into who we are and how our culture has shaped us and our kids. Journalist Dorothy Day wrote these thought-provoking words: “If I have achieved anything in my life, it has been because I have not been embarrassed to talk about God.” Parents, how much time do you spend talking about God? And when you talk about God, what is it that you tell your kids? Research from the National Study of Youth And Religion points to the fact that America’s teenagers and young adults have little or no knowledge about God. When asked to verbalize what they know about God, few have anything to say. Much of their confusion is rooted in the fact that there haven’t been any adults committed to teaching them about who God is and who He’s called them to be. Parents, study the Scriptures, know God, and teach your kids.
All this week we’re looking at some great quotes that help us to look deeply into who we are and how our culture has shaped us and our kids. Here’s one from C.S. Lewis: “A world of nice people, content in their own niceness, looking no further, turned away from God, would be just as desperately in need of salvation as a miserable world. . . and might even be more difficult to save.” What do Lewis’s words have to do with today’s youth culture? Sadly, research is pointing to the fact that many kids and adults – some who claim to be followers of Jesus Christ – believe that salvation depends not on the free grace and sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ, but on our works and living as a nice person. But the Scriptures are clear: our salvation is a free gift of God that depends on our trusting in him alone. Teach your kids the truth about the saving grace God shows to us, through his son, Jesus Christ.
Here’s a thought-provoking quote that I recently ran across from Ralph Waldo Emerson - “A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.” You may now be wondering why I would use time on a spot about today’s youth culture to share an old quote from someone who’s not living. Well, there’s great wisdom in Emerson’s words, wisdom that holds true for our kids and even ourselves as we live in today’s world. You see, all kinds of potential idols jockey for our attention and allegiance. And even though we claim to be followers and worshippers of Jesus Christ, it’s easy to slip into worship of something else. Take a look at your life. What do you worship? And what are you modeling for your kids?
This is a big weekend for those of us living here in the United States. Tomorrow, we celebrate the two hundred and fiftieth anniversary of our nation, or, what’s called our Semiquincentennial. You’ve no doubt experienced the buildup and even some anniversary events, where the main theme of these celebrations is freedom. This weekend’s events give us a great opportunity to teach our kids about true freedom, which is the freedom which comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Take some time to read and talk about John chapter eight, verses thirty one to thirty eight. This is where Jesus says, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and truth will set you free. If the son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” True freedom is not the ability to do whatever we want whenever we want. True freedom comes when we are liberated from sin’s power and penalty through the death of Christ on the cross, and living obediently to His glory!
One of the great responsibilities we have as parents raising kids in today’s screen-saturated world is the prevention and treatment of what’s now known as digital fatigue. Also known as “tech burnout”, digital fatigue occurs when the excessive use of digital devices like a smartphone and the constant connection to the online world becomes exhausting. We live in a world of over-stimulation, where notifications and other prompts continually increase screentime. What occurs is a multi-layered state of exhaustion that’s mental, physical, emotional, and yes, spiritual. When screen time takes up most of our time, other important and noble pursuits fall by the wayside, including the time we should be spending in God’s Word and prayer. In effect, our screens become idols. They don’t give us life. Rather, they suck the life out of us. What we need to do is get our kids to tap-out from screen time, so that they can tap in to the gifts of Jesus Christ, God’s Word, and sabbath.
The latest “State of Today’s Family” report from Barna includes some interesting insights into how Gen Z is thinking about and practicing marriage. In the years since nineteen fifty, the average age of first marriage has increased by about eight years for both men and women. The average age now for men is thirty, and for women it’s twenty-eight. They seem to be waiting longer in order to become more emotionally ready, more financially stable, and more certain of the long-term viability of the marriage. Gen Z is also the least likely generation to say that marriage is important for raising children, with only two-thirds agreeing. This research reminds us of the importance of teaching our kids about God’s institution of marriage, equipping them to understand the importance of a covenantal commitment between one man and one woman, and that marriage has been ordained as the place for children to be born. Are you correcting the culture’s script for marriage?
Recently, I was reading through a list of projected youth culture trends for 2026 published by the fashion media platform, Qui Talks. One trend that caught my eye is actually quite hopeful, and it’s one that we should not only take note of, but work to facilitate. The Qui Talks site calls the trend “The Cozy Comeback”, explaining that it’s all about a generation that increasingly finds itself burnt out and desiring a slower pace of life. The site tells us that young people are romanticizing rest – not as laziness, but as survival. In a youth culture world marked by anxiety, constant pressure, and ongoing stimulation, this is not at all surprising, after all, God made us for a rhythm of work and rest. What a great opportunity we have to introduce our kids to the restorative and God-ordained practice of sabbath. The translation of the Hebrew word for Sabbath is translated as “cease” or “desist”, which clearly reminds us of our need to rest. Start with one day, Sunday, to practice Sabbath.
Way back in the year 1750, the famous preacher and theologian Jonathan Edwards preached his farewell sermon in Northampton, Massachusetts. We all know that when people give their parting words, they say things that they deem of the utmost importance. Guidelines that they want to be remembered. Edwards spoke these words that have absolutely no expiration date: “Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by his rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.” Parents, do you hear what Edwards is telling us? In order to effectively pass on the faith, we must prioritize the Christian education of our children in the home. This means that we not only know and live out God’s will and way for our lives ourselves, but we speak truth to our kids, and we do it all without ceasing. Are you committed to this in your home?
One of the most encouraging trends regarding kids and smartphones is the fact that a growing number of school districts are banning phone use and engagement during the school day. Some schools have installed cell phone lockers where kids place their phones at the beginning of the school day, and where they retrieve them when school lets out. Support for cellphone bans in school is on the rise among U.S. adults, with seventy-four percent saying they would support banning middle and high school students from using cellphones during class, and forty-four percent want them banned for the entire day. Researchers at the Pew Internet and Life Project tell us that now, forty-one percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds support a ban during class time. Whether that number rises or not, it’s important that we as adults instill and enforce borders and boundaries that help our kids remain safe. The Lord has called us to protect our kids from harm, and we must!
Now that I have grandkids entering their teenage years, I’ve got a front-row seat to see what’s popular among kids, especially when it comes to shopping and spending money. In today’s world, the top categories for teen spending are clothing and other accessories, food and snacks, entertainment and gaming, and experiences with friends, like concerts and other outings. Marketing’s push for the maintenance of youthful beauty has our girls spending lots of money on make-up, hair care, and skin care. But don’t count out our boys in this last category! Young Gen Z males are spending an average of three-hundred-twenty-four dollars a year on cosmetics, skin care, and fragrances. Because marketing effectively convinces our kids to spend, spend, and spend some more, we need to ramp up our efforts to teach biblical principles on stewardship. In First Timothy six seventeen, we are reminded to not put our hope in wealth, but to put our hope in God. Teach your kids to spend wisely.
When Kentucky mother Holly LaFavers looked at a charge that popped up on her bank account, she panicked. What she found was a Forty-two-hundred dollar charge. Upon further investigation she discovered that her eight-year-old son Liam had ordered seventy thousand dum dum lollipops from Amazon when using her phone. And yes, Liam did it all on purpose as he wanted to share them with his friends. Holly LaFavers was unable to get Amazon to refund her money, so she spread the word in her community about the cases of Dum Dums and was able to sell them to friends and neighbors. Eventually, Amazon stepped up and offered a refund. While the story does put a smile on our faces as we think about well-intentioned Liam, it reminds us that there are times when a phone in the hands of an eight-year-old is risky business. This time, the story turned out ok, but we need to be careful as our kids can see and hear dangerous things. Parents, be diligent with your kids.
If you’ve got any suspicions that social media is increasing the body image pressures our kids feel, your suspicions are correct. An internal study conducted by Meta, the parent company of Instagram, found that the algorithms were pointing users who already have body image concerns to a disproportionate amount of “eating disorder adjacent” content, which is feeding the pressure these kids already feel over their bodies. In fact, as a result of these algorithmic content feeds, kids with existing body image concerns were being exposed to ten point five percent of their total content being related to body image. For those users who were content with their bodies were seeing only three point three percent of their total content being related to body image. The point here is this: social media algorithms are throwing fuel on the body dysmorphia problem. We need to push back by helping them understand that their identity is not in what they look like.
Are your kids cheating in school? Have you talked to them about what it means to honor the Lord in their academic pursuits? You might be surprised to learn that according to the International Center for Academic Integrity, a survey of over seventy thousand high school students found that ninety-five percent of students admitted to some form of cheating. Sixty four percent admitted to cheating on a test. And, fifty-eight percent admitted to plagiarism. I’ve been hearing reports from teachers on how students are cheating these days. Some students take audio notes of test questions immediately after leaving an exam, and then share the audio notes with other students. One report said that a student had a cheat sheet attached to the bottom of his Croc. In Colossians three twenty three we read, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for me.” Teach your kids to embrace academic integrity as they study to build their minds, and faithfully serve the Lord.
On this weekend when we look forward to celebrating Father’s Day, I want to remind the fathers who are listening of their greatest responsibility in life. In Ephesians six four we read this: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” If we are taking the time to carefully, diligently, and correctly teach the Word of God to our children, we will have fulfilled our highest calling as parents. Writing back in eighteen eighty three, English pastor Robert William Dale has this word for dads that still rings true today. “Parents should care more for the loyalty of their children to Christ than anything besides, more for this than for their health, their intellectual vigor and brilliance, their material prosperity, their social position, and their exemptions from great sorrows and great misfortunes.” Dad, on this weekend when you are celebrated, ask the Lord to lead you into how to best lead your kids.
In a recent interview with NPR about her new book, “Dopamine Kids”, Dr. Michealeen Doucleff, spoke about the tricks and tools that tech companies use to hijack the brains and dopamine systems of our kids. Her book offers up a science-based plan to rewire the brains of our kids, which have been captured by screens. Doucleff tells us that these tricks and tools have been developed and utilized by the gambling industry. But during the 2000s, the tools were adapted by developers to be used in social media and gaming platforms. This is all done as a strategy to keep our kids tethered to their devices, a strategy that we know is working when our kids protest our removal of screens from their hands. Doucleff says that the games and apps are designed to give kids the feeling that their fundamental needs and desires are being met, by releasing dopamine into their brains. As Christians, we know that the greatest need and longing existing in our kids can only be met through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
In the past, we’ve issued warnings about how kids are consulting with non-human AI chatbots online to get advice on all sorts of things, including mental health issues. The trend is dangerous, as so many of the news and research reports are now telling us. A new peer-reviewed study published on PubMed reports on how these AI chatbots are responding to the questions kids ask about appearance, body image, weight, eating, and diet. The responses reveal that chatbots are providing answers that lean into cultural standards for eating, thinness, and appearance, rather than pointing kids to safe dietary practices. There are legitimate concerns regarding the impact of these answers on kids, particularly the very real possibility of encouraging issues related to body dysmorphia and disordered eating. Parents, we need to set the table for our kids to come to us with these questions by fostering strong relationships that will result in our ability to give biblically-faithful answers to all of their questions.
In First John two sixteen we read these words: “For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life – is not from the Father but is from the world.” Those words offer some great directives related to how we present ourselves on social media. I got to thinking about that when I read this directive in a recent edition of TableTalk magazine: “Selfish pride is the antithesis of humility and is the way of the world. If we seek to exalt ourselves at the expense of others, we will produce only strife, and we will not enjoy a lasting exaltation anyway. But if we humble ourselves, God will exalt us.” John Calvin chimes in with this: ‘We emulate and envy, because we desire to be eminent. This is a way wholly unreasonable, for it is God’s peculiar work to raise up the lowly, and especially those who humble themselves.” Parents, all of us, especially our kids, are encouraged to trumpet ourselves. Teach your kids to glorify God in all things, rather than themselves.
The structure, complexity, and functioning of the human brain gives glory to God, our Creator! With the advancements being made in brain scans, researchers are seeing just how incredibly magnificent the human brain really is. Recent findings indicate that the brain changes its wiring of neural circuits over the course of our lives. The phase of change known as adolescence kicks off around age nine, and then continues until around the age of thirty-two. While the bodies of our children and teens reach maturity during the teenage years, we have to understand that the brain is not yet fully formed. The last part to develop is the frontal lobe, which is responsible for decision-making and impulse control. Understanding this reality allows us to more fully understand our kids. This should not excuse poor decision-making or behavior during the teen years, but it does explain it. It should also motivate us to fulfill our God-given role to nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.
Eric Liddell, the subject of the movie “Chariots of Fire” came to mind recently as I read a news story about a decision made by a 16-year-old teenager from Satellite Beach, Florida. Liddell, a devout Christian, chose not to run his 100 meter heats in the 1924 Olympics because they were being held on a Sunday. Last fall, high school swimmer Michael Alexander Shapira, gave up his place in the Florida 2A state championship meet because the event was set to begin on sundown Friday, which is the start of the Jewish Sabbath. A devout Jew, Shapira received pressure from his coach and teammates to change his mind. Shapira said this: “When you sanctify God’s name in public, you show the world what it means to live with faith. This isn’t about what I want. It’s about who I am.” In February, Shapira was named International Jewish Teen of the Year. Parents, how easily we sacrifice our Sabbath and Sunday worship for youth sports. What are you teaching your kids?
During the months of spring and early summer, suicide attempts among young people tend to rise. Pastoral Counselor Karen Mason offers some great advice on how to interact with a person who you think might be experiencing depression and considering suicide. She says that our job is to recognize when a situation is serious and to take action according to the seriousness of the crisis. Listen non-judgmentally to the person at risk. Become familiar with the suicide risk factors and warning signs. . . a list of which can be found on our website at cpyu.org. Mason says that the best way to assess the seriousness of a situation is to ask the person at risk. As uncomfortable as it may be to ask the person directly, it is the best way to determine risk. In fact, asking directly can create relief for a suicidal person who may have no other idea about how to start a conversation. There is no evidence that asking puts the thought of suicide in a person’s mind. So ask. You might be saving a life.
One of the great concerns regarding the growing presence and use of Artificial Intelligence has been labeled as “surveillance capitalism” by writer Shoshana Zuboff. Zuboff defines surveillance capitalism as a system that claims human experience as free raw material for translation into behavioral data. AI takes this raw material, analyzes it, and then harnesses it to nudge, coax, tune, and herd behavior toward profitable outcomes. As it relates to your kids, think of it this way. They spend lots of time online, becoming addicted to social media platforms designed to addict them. Data on their online behavior is consistently collected, as they are being watched. Profiles of your kids are then created from that data, and then sold to companies and marketers who want to reach them with something to sell. In other words, the online attention of our kids is being commodified, which in turn commodifies our kids. Parents, this is just one more caution you need to heed.
Becky Kennedy and Sheryl Zielger are both psychologists who are raising teenagers themselves. I discovered their names in an article they had written for CNBC’s online site. The article’s title caught my eye: “If you want to raise stronger, more independent kids, give them this: They need it now more than ever say psychologists.” Kennedy and Ziegler cit how many parents today are so filled with the fear of doing something wrong, that they try not to push too hard or enforce too many rules, assuming that doing so might push their kids into stress, anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues. But the two tell us that this is NOT what our kids need. Rather, what our kids need is for us to boldy claim – and in some cases reclaim – our parental authority. They say that now more than ever need us to offer up a safe system, a structure where we are in control. As Christian parents, we know from reading Scripture that this is our responsibility. But are we exercising our God-given authority?
The word “precocious” comes from the Latin word that is translated as “to ripen before.” In our day and age, the word precocious is used to describe something that develops early or before the usual time. We often pair precocious with the word puberty to describe the process of physical maturation in children long before the average age of onset. Now, the word precocious is being coupled with the word love, with precocious love referring to the intense romantic, emotional, and deep attachments kids are forming during their childhood and before adolescence. With research showing that dating breakups among teenagers lead to a greater incidence of suicidal thoughts and actions, we must be concerned for our younger kids who are at an even greater risk if a so-called break-up occurs. We need to be diligent in teaching our kids to prioritize their relationship to the Lord first, knowing that only He can fill the relational hole that so many try to fill with a significant other.
In a recent article in ByFaith magazine, author Katie Polski share three things that each of us needs to keep in mind as we seek to raise our children to love the church. First, Katie tells us that it all begins at home. She writes, “If we want our families to love what Jesus loves, our children need more than occasional or vague spiritual intentions.” Because they learn from what they see in us, our kids need parents who delight in being a part of the gathered people of God. Second, Katie tells us that raising church-loving kids will happen when we are regularly and consistently involved in the life of our church. She reminds us that while it is important to start early when they are young, it’s never too late for you to commit to your church. And third, Katie tells us we need to be talking about faith all week, looking for those teachable moments to show our kids how the Christian faith speaks to all of life. Parents, you are the one primarily responsible for the spiritual nurture of your kids.
As our children enter the teenage years, more and more of their world begins to revolve around their peer group. While parents remain important and influential, our kids look increasingly to their peers for clues on what to believe, how to behave, and what to do in order to fit in. New research from Florida Atlantic University has found that different types of peers influence different aspects of a teenager’s life. There are two specific groups of peers exerting influence. Researchers foundone’s best friends shape a child’s emotional state and academic behavior. They also found that the larger group of more popular peers exert an influence on how a child presents themselves in public and on social media. This reminds us that we need to be encouraging and making possible for our kids Godly friendships that are positive. A good youth group situation can become a positive peer group, where not only is God’s design for their lives taught, but practiced as well.
Parents, think of the brains of your children and teens like you think about your email accounts. If you are like me, your email box is pounded with more junk, spam, scams, and phishing schemes than legitimate, trustworthy, and truthful communication. I hope that as we've become more experienced we've learned how to recognize, block, and delete all the garbage that floods our inboxes literally hour-by-hour. Wisdom and discernment lead us to separate the good from the bad, saving us from wasting time, effort, money, and even our very lives on things that will undo us. To protect them from passively loading their brains with the bad stuff, we need to run interference for our kids by limiting and monitoring their screen-time And, we must fill their brains with the Truth that brings life and by which all things can be evaluated. Train them to embrace and practice biblical wisdom and discernment. Equip them to live now and for the rest of their lives to the glory and honor of Jesus Christ!
I was recently reading about the Old Testament king of Judah named Asa. In Second Chronicles two, verses two to four, we read this about King Asa: “He took away foreign altars and the high places and broke down the pillars and cut down the Asherim and commanded Judah to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, and to keep the law and the commandment.” Asa was commended as a leader who did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord. As I read, I was struck by the fact that Asa modeled what it means for us as parents and youth workers to lead our children and teens well. We live in a world full of idols. As parents, we are given a unique position, responsibility, and opportunity to lead our kids into God’s Word, teaching them how to recognize and tear down idols, while fostering their love for the One true God. Parents, teach your kids to tear down the idols that are derailing them from seeking the Lord and keeping His commandments. This is your high calling.
As parents, we are called to be diligent about monitoring the attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and health of our children and teens. One recent study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association reports on one type of behavior that we to be aware of, and which requires our intervention. The behavior is self-injury. Non-suicidal self-injury is the act of harming your own body on purpose, such as cutting or burning yourself as a way to cope with stress, sadness, emotional pain, and anger. The study reports that self-injury has been on the rise among children and adolescents, at about a three-point-five percent rate since two thousand. It is more prevalent among our girls, and self-injury has been reported in ten percent of our youth. Parents, if you discover that your child is engaged in self-injury, seek the help of a qualified and experienced Christian counselor. We want our kids to learn to run to Jesus Christ, the Great Physician, when life becomes overwhelming.
All this week we’ve been looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution and their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” The report issues a clear warning regarding the implementation of AI into our lives, that we need to protect our kids by intentionally and carefully developing and implementing safeguards for its use. These safeguards must address issues of privacy, emotional well-being, and safety, along with protecting our kids’ cognitive and social development. The report also tells us in no uncertain terms, that parents need to manage their children’s use of AI in the home. Parents, we live in a world where the potential dangers no longer exist only outside the walls of our homes. Thanks to digital technology, the dangers exist 24/7. Exercise your God-given calling to insure your kids are safe.
All this week we’re looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution and their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” One of the main conclusions offered in the report meshes well with God’s calling on our lives to pursue what is good, true, and beautiful. That conclusion is that we must do the hard and intentional work of preparing ourselves to integrate and use AI ethically, effectively, and humanely in our schools, homes, churches, and lives. Specifically, the folks at Brookings are warning us that if we use AI to undermine our human agency, allowing it to do all the work for us, we are in effect sacrificing our humanity. From a Christian perspective, that’s a road we cannot go down. We have been created by God to image God. That means that we are to manage AI, rather than letting AI take over and manage us.
All this week we’re looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution and their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” The report says that if our kids are going to prosper, we must deliberately focus on using AI in ways that advance, rather than undermine the educational process and the well-being of our kids. One recommendation is for parents to work with educators to develop the best practices for implementing AI cautiously into the educational experience. Specifically, we should only use AI tools that teach, not tell. This is most important in a world where more and more of our kids are going to AI to bypass the work of solving problems, writing papers, and doing research. As Christians, we know that God wants us to use our brains to his glory. Teach your kids to use AI as an appropriate help, not as a substitute brain.
All this week we’re looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution in their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” The report offers a framework for schools and families to consider related to their main findings on AI. Researchers looked at potential negative risks, along with how to prevent those risks while maximizing the potential benefits of AI. Researchers are telling us as parents, educators, and youth workers to be very careful and to move slowly, as the risks of AI overshadow the benefits. They report that AI can enrich the learning experience when safety guardrails are erected and caution is taken to ensure that AI content is accurate. In addition, over-reliance on AI can put our children’s learning capacity, relationships, and well-being at risk. Parents, exercise oversight and caution.
Recently, I ate a spicy meal of a food I had never had before. It tasted good going down, and in the moment I believed I had discovered something wonderful that I would look forward to having again. Then, during the night, my body began sending signals that the food wasn’t sitting well in my belly. I wound up being okay, but the experience did make me think differently about eating that food again. You’ve had this same experience, I’m sure, and when you have it, your realize that we don’t know what a new food will do to us until we add it to our diet. Since the advent of all the digital technologies and screens that now are part of our diet, we are able to look back and see where they’ve done us good, and where they’ve upset our human flourishing. Since AI, or artificial intelligence, is now a part of our lives and something we can add to our digital diet, we need to exercise caution in how we use it, and how much we use it. Join us tomorrow and all this week as we look more closely at AI.
Parents, are you keeping an eye on your teenagers who are now driving? Recent research from the University of Michigan’s C.S. Mott Hospital polled parents on the driving behaviors of their kids, and found that risky driving behaviors are quite common. Seventeen percent of parents have observed their kids engaging in what’s called impaired driving, which includes driving while sleepy, emotionally upset, or after drinking alcohol or using marijuana. Twenty-five percent of parents have observed their kids engage in distracted driving, which includes texting and multi-tasking. This would include those who put on makeup while driving. Finally, forty-four percent of parents have observed their kids engaging in what’s called aggressive driving, which includes speeding, tail-gating, and road rage. Parents, we encourage you to not only monitor your kids and how they drive so that you can intervene when necessary, to teach your kids that as with all things, they are to drive to the glory of God.
When the internet, smartphones, and gaming devices were relatively new, experts were unwilling to label habitual use of these digital tools as addiction. But now that they’ve been around for some time, experts are able to look not only at the anecdotal evidences of digital device addiction, but a growing amount of data that supports how habit-forming these things are. The journal Frontiers in Psychology is reporting on research telling us that excessive engagement in digital activities has been shown to result in negative effects on physical health, mental health, academic performance, occupational functioning, and interpersonal social skills. The researchers are saying that digital addiction’s impact on our kids is similar in scope to that of anxiety and depression. Parents, we have been called to protect our kids from harm and to provide for their well-being. Don’t introduce screens too early, and when you do, set and enforce boundaries and limits.
If you pay any attention at all to the changes taking place in youth culture, you will be sure to encounter words and terms occasioned by the new pressures, problems, challenges, and opportunities facing our kids as they grow up in today’s world. One of those terms that should cause us to wake up and take notice is this: nudification tools. These tools take the form of artificial intelligence- powered apps that allow users to upload a picture of a person, then hit a button to create sexualized images, typically nude photos. A new study from George Mason University has found that the use of these nudification tools which have historically been used by more boys than girls, are now being used by girls at the same rate as teenage boys. Researchers found that roughly one in six teen girls and boys used nudification tools frequently to see how they looked. Nudification is becoming normalized for our kids. Parents, warn your kids about the moral, relational, and spiritual issues related to this troubling trend.
Over the course of the last few years I’ve been thinking more and more about the powerful role that grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren. If you’re a grandparent, perhaps you’ve already verbalized what most grandparents think: that the world has changed so much that it is increasingly difficult for kids to grow through adolescence and into adulthood without cuts, bruises, and scars. Maybe you’ve even said, “I’m glad I’m not raising kids in today’s world.” Yes, it’s difficult for kids. But if you’re a grandparent I want to encourage you to not give up, to not feel powerless, or to fall into the trap of feeling like your influence is not important. There is a powerful role that you can and must play. Research shows that the most resilient kids are those who have parents, grandparents, and other adults in their lives who endeavor to talk about and model what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. Grandparents, you do matter and make a difference!
Recently, I was watching one of those videos where a man was running a large sieve through the sand at a beach, to find coins, jewelry, and other treasures. At one point he pulled his sieve up out of the sand , finding a red iPod that had been lost for who knows how long. Perhaps sometime during or after 2001, you had purchased and were using your own ipod, which at the time was a cutting edge piece of technology. Since twenty-five years have passed and technology has advanced, you might think that the beachcomber would have thrown away that find. But he didn’t. Now, younger generations are flocking to ebay and other sites to purchase the device which as of 2022, had been discontinued. Why is this happening? Not only is there a surge of nostalgia for the ipod in today’s youth culture, but users are saying that by listening to music on an ipod and not a phone, there are no notification distractions. Could it be that our kids are longing for the relative quiet we once knew?
Since we’re currently in the midst of wedding season, there’s a good chance you’ve been invited and will attend the wedding of a young couple you know. As Christians living in a world where marriage is no longer held up as a sacred thing, it’s always good, beautiful, and refreshing to see a couple covenant together before God in marriage. As with most wedding receptions these days, you might see the couple choreograph and carefully perform an elaborate dance at the start of the reception. I don’t know about you, but it’s hard to not rejoice at the looks on their faces as they focus their eyes on each other, smiling with joy in anticipation of their life together. Of course, this only the first day of the life they anticipate living together. But like all newly married couples, they have no idea what they are dancing into. Parents, we need to instruct our children in the fact that marital love is a commitment to with God’s help, stick together through the good and the bad of life.
Let me make a very direct statement here regarding some of the ridiculous decisions parents are making regarding their kids and youth sports: Parents, we are losing our minds! I’m speaking specifically about the high cost of travel tournaments that are publicized in ways that make you feel like your kid is really, really privileged and special in ways that get us to miss the fact that these tournaments are taking big bucks out of your pockets and putting them in the pockets of the tournament organizers. Case in point: If you are invited to have your twelve and under baseball player go to play in the Cooperstown All-Star Village Invitational Tournament this summer in New York, it will cost about thirteen hundred dollars per player, plus travel. If an average family of three decides to go along, there will be about four thousand dollars of additional costs for travel, food, and lodging. Parents, are you spending your time and money wisely? And, what are you teaching your kids?
I recently had a college professor tell me about an assignment he gave to his class, as they were in the midst of studying anxiety. “I want you to put your phones aside for three days”, he said. “Do not look at them or use them. And, do not lie to me.” One student came to him after class to protest. “I hate this assignment!”, she said. This was a young lady who, like many of her classmates, was struggling to navigate her own battle with anxiety. Still, she took the challenge and came back to him after three days and told him this: “On day one, I was miserable and hated it. Day two was a bit easier. On day three I discovered what it was that was making me anxious.” This student’s experience is one that more and more young people are having as they muster up the courage to detach from their phones to see what might happen. In a world where our kids are tethered and addicted to their devices, they need parents who will set and enforce clear borders and boundaries that in the end, advance their flourishing.
There’s a prayer in the Anglican Church of North America’s “Book of Common Prayer” that I found very helpful during this year’s Lenten Season. It is one of the prayers to be prayed during the Sunday’s leading up to Easter, this one specifically for the fifth Sunday in lent. What I love about this prayer is its recognition of the issues we and our kids face as a result of living in a rapidly changing world that is in so many ways opposed to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Let me suggest that you pray this prayer for your kids and family. Here is that prayer: "Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of this world, our hearts may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen."
Yesterday we celebrated Mother’s Day. As Christians, this day should bring to mind the fifth commandment, which reads, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Over 40 years ago, Dr. John Huffman wrote this about the 5th commandment in his book, “Liberating Limits: “God pity the society led by brash young people who have the answers but very little respect for their elders. Anarchy comes quickly. Allow young people to be alienated from their parents and you’ll observe a nation drift into moral and social anarchy. Family life is crucial to a healthy society. Children who grab hold of the household reins, pushing their parents aside, inflict a serious damage on a society. Young people who grow up without subjection to authority are programming themselves for unhappiness. A society as well as an individual pays an enormous price for weakening the honor paid to fathers and mothers.”
One of the great forefathers of our Christian faith was Augustine of Hippo, who lived from 354 to 430 AD. You may know him as Saint Augustine. Perhaps you’ve even read some of his writing, including his Confessions, which is his autobiography, and the City of God. His conversion story is fairly well known, as his mother had diligently prayed seventeen years for her son to come to faith in Jesus Christ. Recently, I’ve been reading a little book of quotes from Augustine, and I ran across these words from one of his sermons. I believe they’re good words to inform the way we parent: "Good superiors rebuke those who stir up strife, comfort those of little courage, take the part of the weak, refute opponents, and guard against traps. They teach the ignorant, awake the indolent, put the presumptuous in their place, mollify the quarrelsome, help the poor, liberate the oppressed, encourage the good, suffer the wicked, and love everyone." Parents, love your children well!
Perhaps you, like me, are someone who on occasion was called back to reality by a school-teacher who caught you day-dreaming, not paying attention, or staring out a window during class. I know that it happened to me several times, from elementary school right on through to high school. In today’s world, it’s reasonable to assume that the most likely in-school distraction is a smartphone screen. Recent research reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association tells us that teens spend on average about five hours a day on their smartphones, two hours of which is spent on social media. During the school day, the average amount of time spent on smartphones is seventy minutes, with thirty minutes on social media, fifteen minutes of that time on video apps, and fifteen minutes on apps for gaming. Once again, we are finding that phone time takes our kids away from learning time. Parents, if it hasn’t been done already, work with your schools to ban smartphones during the day.
I recently heard a song from 1981 that got me thinking about today’s children and teens and the kinds of things that they face in today’s rapidly changing culture. You might remember the song titled “Under Pressure” that was sung by the band Queen and David Bowie. The reason I think about the song is that its title captures the reality so many of our kids feel as they struggle to navigate life in today’s world. There are a variety of mounting pressures our kids feel, including things like appearance pressure, athletic pressure, and academic pressure. Recent research from the UK found that academic pressure during adolescence is linked to depression and self-harm into early adulthood. The reality is that while our kids do need to be encouraged to use their abilities to do their best, many feel pushed to achieve beyond what they are actually capable of doing. Parents, encourage your kids to study to the glory of God as an act of worship, and don’t make an idol of their grades.
If you could go back in time to face your sixteen year old self, what advice would you give to that teenager you once were? My list of advice would certainly be long, but there’s one essential push I’d give to adolescent Walt regarding how he was spending his time. I would tell that younger version of myself to stop making excuses about how little time he said he had to read, study, and meditate on God’s Word. I have to admit that I wasted loads of time that could have been spent on more important pursuits, including growing in my understanding of God’s will and way for my life as put forth in the Bible. Still, I have to admit that I’m glad I grew up then rather than now. I recently read that the average teen spends seven hours and twenty-two minutes looking at screens each day. Today’s kids have even more distractions, meaning that we need to go the extra mile in encouraging them through our example and words to spend time daily in God’s Word. That’s a great investment for now and the future.
Parents, today I want to remind you to warn your kids about some very real dangers they might face in today’s smartphone and social media saturated world. Sexting is defined as the act of sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit or suggestive photos, videos, or messages through their phones and digital devices. For our vulnerable and easily influenced kids, the dangers are real. Recent research on kids thirteen to seventeen found that one in three kids have received a sext, and one in four have sent one. In spite of our warnings, these numbers are up from 2019. The other related danger is sextortion, which occurs when someone is tricked into sending nude images or videos, and then the perpetrator threatens to share those images unless they are given some kind of payment. Researchers found that nearly half of those who had sent a sext were targeted with sextortion. Parents, warn your kids, and teach them that God has called them to flee from sexual immorality.
Somewhere there’s an assumption flying around that Christian kids are somehow immune from being vulnerable to the growing tide of negative influences in today’s rapidly changing culture. Many of us have bought the lie that “those things don’t happen in Christian families,” or that “they don’t happen to Christian kids.” Believing that lie can lull us to sleep, keeping us from realistically recognizing and addressing the pressures that all kids face in today’s world. You see, it doesn’t matter where they live, who they live with, or what kind of school they go to. Any kid, anywhere, can be influenced by any of the negative and dangerous aspects of our culture at any time. No church, school, family, or child is immune. Parents, I want to encourage you to pay attention to the voices out there in the culture that are influencing your kids. How can you guide them through the lies if you don’t know the lies? You see, what we don’t know, don’t want to know, or refuse to know can and will hurt them.
Parents, some new research on the effects of social media, screen time, smartphone use, and videogaming on eleven to twelve year olds warrants our attention. Reported in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, the study set out to examine associations between problematic screen use, and behavior and mental health outcomes one year later. Problematic screen use occurs when kids can’t control their online time and it starts to cause conflicts, stress, or problems at home and school. The study found that problematic mobile phone and social media use were prospectively associated with higher depressive, attention-deficit, and conduct problems. In addition, there were higher instances of suicidal behaviors, sleep disturbances, and substance use initiation. This data is just part of the growing amount of research that should cause us to wake-up to the fact that our kids are way too attached to their screens. Set strict time limits in order to facilitate good mental, relational, and spiritual health.
One of the cultural pressures that’s trickling down quickly from our adult world into the world of children and teens is what’s become known as hustle culture. Hustle culture is a fast-spreading mindset and lifestyle that glorifies non-stop work and constant productivity in an effort to achieve professional success. One’s self-worth easily gets tied to this, leading to a relentless pursuit of what for a long-time has been called the American Dream. The version of hustle culture evidencing itself in the world of our kids is known as “grind culture.” With it’s spread fueled by peer pressure and social media, grind culture has our kids pursuing academic perfection, the need to have one’s entire life mapped-out, choosing activities that make one’s college applications look good, and posting one’s achievements online. We need to hustle our kids out of grind culture, as it fuels the sin of pride, sacrifices God’s plan for sabbath rest, and hijacks their hearts away from finding their identity in Christ.
I was fortunate to have Christian parents who modeled Christ-like grace in our home. When I think of my parents’ grace, one specific instance comes to mind. It happened late in my teenage years. I had hurriedly left our family dinner table to meet a friend. In my haste, I failed to look in the rear-view mirror while I sped in reverse out of our driveway. My progress was interrupted abruptly with a loud, crashing bang. I had backed my mother’s car into the driver’s side of my dad’s car. Fearing the worst, I slowly walked back into the house to inform my dad of what I had done. I walked into the kitchen and said to my dad, “I just backed mom’s car into yours.” He put down his fork, lowered his head into his hands, as all of us waited in anticipation to hear what my father would say. He slowly lifted his head out of his hands and nodded it from side to side in disbelief. Then he looked at me and said some amazingly freeing words: “They’re just two pieces of metal.” Grace.
Would you agree with this sentence: “It is becoming common knowledge that social media use has led to harmful psychological consequences, including the amplification of a psychological phenomenon known as FOMO, or fear of missing out.” Those words penned by professor Keith Hess of Oklahoma Baptist University in a recent edition of Salvo Magazine, in an article entitled “Beware the Other Attention Deficit Disorder.” Hess says that FOMO is pushing us into two manners of faulty thinking. One is the bandwagon fallacy, where we see something online and we decide to do it only because others are doing it. The second is the false urgency fallacy, where we act quickly without thinking, simply because we feel we will miss out if we don’t. These fallacies are nurturing us and our kids away from acting with wisdom and discernment. Proverbs fourteen fifteen reminds us that “the simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thoughts to his steps.”
All this week we’ve been looking at how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids desperately need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. Because we as Christian parents must teach our kids to glorify God in every nook and cranny of their lives, we must set the table for them to sleep counter-culturally, worshipping God through good stewardship of their bodies by getting enough rest. First, do not allow your children and teens to sleep with any devices in their room. Remove the tempting distraction! Second, keep your child’s phone in a secure place to charge overnight. Turn the phone off so that notifications are silenced. Third, expect pushback from your child. Let them know that your action is not due to mistrust, but to responsibly fulfilling your role to love and parent them by God’s design. And finally, remind your child that God has created our bodies for a rhythm of work and rest, and that a lack of sleep only brings harm.
All this week we’re looking together at how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. Parents, here are just some of the dangers associated with digitally-interrupted sleep. First there’s anxiety and depression. Counselors who screen patients for these issues will oftentimes first ask patients if they are getting enough sleep. A lack of sleep not only leads to anxiety and depression, but will make them worsen over time. Second, there’s decreased academic performance. Kids who are sleep-deprived are sleepy during the day, exhibit a reduction in cognitive skills, and wind up with lower grades. Third, there’s the health issue of obesity. People who are tired crave and eat more food. Fourth, there’s an increased risk of heart disease. Fifth, neurological functions suffer. For example, one’s driving ability. And finally, a lack of sleep leads to aggressive and inappropriate behavior. Tomorrow, we look at parental action steps.
All this week we’re looking together at the issue of how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids desperately need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. Parents, I want to share with you some realities that demand your attention and response. Researchers tell us that eighty-nine percent of our teenagers keep at least one electronic device in their bedroom at night, usually a smartphone. While thirty-six percent of teenagers sleep with their phone in their bed or on their pillow, it’s reasonable to assume that most others keep the phone within reach by placing it on a bedside stand or on the floor next to their bed. And six out of ten kids ages eleven to seventeen use their phones between midnight and five am on school nights. And one-third of all teens admit to waking up in the middle of the night to use their phones. Is this a problem? You bet. There are many dangers associated with digitally-interrupted sleep. Tune in tomorrow as I share some of those dangers.
All this week we’re looking together at the issue of how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids desperately need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. For our kids today, uninterrupted sleep is about as familiar to them as pay-phones, black and white TVs, transistor radios, and other artifacts that they see as part of their parents’ olden days. Researchers tell us that children and teens have always needed just over nine hours of uninterrupted sleep for healthy growth and development. This is the way God has created our kids to grow, and he has established a need for all of us to experience a daily rhythm of waking time and rest. But judging from what the research is telling us about new patterns of adolescent sleep, healthy physical and emotional teenage development is also in jeopardy of becoming an artifact of the past. Teenage pressures and distractions are on the increase, while good old-fashioned uninterrupted sleep is on the decline.
Are you a parent who laments the fall-out from smartphones and how they’ve permeated and changed not only youth culture, but your very own children and teens. When we notice the negative effects these devices are having on our kids and we choose to intervene by setting up borders and boundaries, arguments are sure to ensure. In fact, recent research says that the most common point of parent-child conflict these days is screen time and what is and is not appropriate. I’m guessing that most of you who are listening right now know exactly what I’m talking about as you have experienced these conflicts in your own home. But I want to encourage you to stay the course and not give up. Your kids need you to step in to fulfill your nurturing and protective role to keep them from harm and provide for their well-being. One area where borders and boundaries are needed is the over night hours. Stay with us all week as we will be talking about our kids and digitally interrupted sleep.
Our children need parents who will openly explain and discuss what is happening to their bodies as they pass through puberty. We live in a world that constantly sets unrealistic standards regarding physical beauty so that only a handful can measure up. Teenagers spend hours in front of the mirror looking for facial and body flaws. Figuratively speaking, they look over their shoulders and see images of the “perfect people” – the actors, actresses, supermodels, sports stars, and other media heroes - who “meet” them everyday through online videos, movies, television, social media and billboards. Parents, offer your teen a godly perspective on the changes that are taking place. In addition to modeling the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ during the physically awkward years, Mom and Dad should temper the social pressure to be preoccupied with outward appearance. Take the time to teach your children about the inward qualities of godliness.
One of the subtle, or maybe not so subtle, traps of social media is the way that we use it as a digital megaphone to trumpet ourselves. And because we all need to look good on social media, it’s usually not our real selves that we put out there, but our idealized selves. I have often said that if you seek the spotlight, it will blind you. That’s a mantra we and our kids should all embrace, knowing that we must join with John the Baptist to say, “I must decrease so that he might increase.” The great 20th century preacher Martyn Lloyd- Jones writes this: "When the Holy Spirit works in us, what He does is to make us glorify the Lord Jesus Christ. The man in whom the Spirit dwells does not talk about himself; whether he is a preacher or whatever he may be, you do not come away talking about him." And, consider these words from Charles Spurgeon: “The moment we glorify ourselves, since there is room for only one glory in the universe, we set ourselves up as rivals to the Most High.”
I was recently at a social function where I asked a mother how her fifth grade daughter was doing. “Well”, the mom replied, “She’s a little bit sad. She just broke up with her boyfriend.” The fact that we were talking about a fifth-grader got me to thinking about how much the world of kids and their dating relationships have changed over the years. Not only are kids dating younger and then marrying older, but there’s a whole new set of slang terms that we older folks need to know if we are going to keep up with the kids. If you hear your kids talking about “throning”, they are referring to efforts to date someone based on how that someone will raise their social status by giving their own image a boost. “Shrekking” involves dating someone you’re not attracted to, hoping that dating down in the looks department will lead to better treatment from the person. And “monkey-barring” has you holding on to one partner until you have moved on to the next. So parents, now you know!
Parents, did you know that understanding the world of your kids is a part of your parental calling? Youth workers, Sunday School teachers, pastors, and other significant adults all play an important role in the spiritual development of children, but Scripture is clear: The primary arena for Christian nurture is the home. Parents are called by God to teach the truth of God’s Word by precept and example. An understanding of our kids and their culture helps us to function as cross-cultural missionaries – taking the Word of God from our culture into theirs. It helps us to prepare them for the reality of the unique challenges they will face in today’s world. Only then can we effectively teach them to walk through difficult times by integrating Christian faith into all of life. Regularly ask your kids about the pressures, problems, challenges, and choices they and their peers are facing in today’s world. Then, take time to get into God’s Word so that you might direct them into handling whatever it is they are facing.
Meta is the company that owns Facebook and Instagram. While there might not be too many teenagers hanging around on Facebook these days, our kids are engaging for hours a day with a variety of other social media platforms. In recent months, there’s been well-deserved pushback on the movers and shakers at Meta regarding the ways in which their social media platforms harm our vulnerable children and teens. The allegations against Meta are the same allegations, we believe, that should be levied against all social media platforms that are designed to draw and keep our kids. Earlier this year, a document released as part of a court filing revealed that one in five thirteen to fifteen year old Instagram users saw nudity or sexual images on Instagram. And to clarify, none of those one in five users were looking for those images. In fact, they say they didn’t want to see the pictures. Parents, our God-given responsibility is to guide and protect our kids. Set up social media boundaries.
Parents, today I want to ask you a question that you might find a bit odd. The question is this, Are you doing what you can to convince your kids that they are indeed sinners? Listen to these words from the late Martyn Lloyd-Jones. I cannot imagine a worse state for anybody to be in than for him or her to say he or she does not feel he or she is a sinner. The Holy Spirit convicts and convinces us of sin, and if He has not done it for you, if you value your own soul, ask Him to do it. Christ came to die for sinners, not for the righteous, and the first work of the Spirit is to convict of sin, of righteousness and of judgment. We come to Christ for salvation after the Spirit has convinced us of sin, because the Lord Jesus Christ is the answer to our need.” Parents, because we live in a world that scoffs at the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we increasingly believe in the goodness of human beings, which leads us to forget that we are sinners in need of a Savior. Be sure your kids are aware of their sin and their need for Jesus!
Recently, the Center Against Sexual and Family Violence in El Paso, Texas, began raising awareness among their constituency about a new type of dating violence they were seeing among teenagers. It’s being called digital violence, a name that captures the changing realities of life for children and teens as they grow up in a smartphone and social media saturated world. Using the digital tools they have at their fingertips, along with the growing number of artificial intelligence options, teens as young as middle schoolers are creating and distributing images of their dating partners which compromise and undermine trust. In addition, there is the creation and spread of rumors, both visually and textually. Parents, we are living in the Wild West when it comes to life on the digital frontier. Pay attention, and always look for ways to teach your kids to live counter-culturally to the glory of God. As Paul says in Romans twelve, this is the spiritual worship to which we are called.
One of the most essential lessons we need to teach our children and teens is that God calls them to be responsible stewards and caretakers of their bodies. In First Corinthians Six, the Apostle Paul tells us that we are to honor God with our bodies. We are to care for them as an act of worship. For parents, this means that we must warn them about being careful about what it is that we put into our bodies, as that can effect them either positively or negatively, both now and for the rest of their lives. A recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that cannabis use among adolescents increases their risk of being diagnosed with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and other psychotic disorders up to and including age twenty-five. Doctors are reporting seeing patients who have used cannabis developing these mental health issues. Parents, teach your students to steward their bodies to God’s glory, educating them to worship God through self-care.
It’s a fact that many of you who are listening to my voice right now are weighed down under the burden of a child or grandchild who has entered into rebellion and walked away at some level from you and from the Church. I know that this is a heartbreaking load to carry. And when you are carrying it, you are often led to feel like nobody understands or nobody is willing to step up and carry the load with you. I want to remind you of the words Jesus has spoken in Matthew 11:28. He says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and over-burdened, and I will give you rest! Put on my yoke and learn from me. For I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Along with Saint Augustine, we can pray these words for each other, “Lord, those who are bowed down with burdens you lift up, and they do not fall because You are their support.” Burden-bearing parents, may the Lord bless you today with a deep sense of his promised peace.
Are you, like me, tired of all the boasting that goes on on social media? Are you tired of having to face the temptation of giving in to the pressure of comparison which fuels that broken human desire of working to keep up with the Joneses? For those of us who are old enough to remember what life was like in a world without the distraction of social media, we long for those days when boasting and comparison, while certainly something that existed, didn’t hammer us twenty-four seven through a digital device. Today, I want to encourage you to be someone who teaches your kids to navigate social media with a First Corinthians one thirty one attitude, while teaching your kids to do the same. First Corinthians one thirty one tells us this, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” All of us, young and old alike, need to realize that our lives should be centered not only the glorification of ourselves, but on the glorification of God. Imagine how things would change if that were the case.
As we get ready to celebrate power of the Cross and the Resurrection of Jesus this weekend, I want to ask you if you’ve taken any time to talk with your kids about the earth-shattering significance of what it is that we will be celebrating. The fallout from our culture’s growing reality of biblical illiteracy hit me hard when a couple of years ago on the day after Easter my daughter-in-law, an athletic trainer at a large suburban high school, shared with me a conversation she witnessed between a group of a dozen student athletes who were in the training room. Everyone was chatting about their Spring Break when one of the students asked, “What the heck is Passover and Easter about?? I know nothing.” Multiple kids agreed that they didn’t know the story, and some jokingly said, “I think it’s something about Jesus. . . maybe his birthday.” Over the course of this weekend, why not read Matthew chapters twenty six, twenty seven, and twenty eight together as a family?
The TikTok video was titled, “Go to bed old, wake up hot.” The video is just one in the growing number of online tutorials posted by social media influencers to get women and girls using what’s called “the morning shed” routine. Wanting to know more about this new viral trend, I watched as the girl on the screen removed and peeled off all kinds of multi-colored patches, masks, wraps, mouth tape, chin straps and I don’t know what else more as she demonstrated another attempt at finding meaning, value, and purpose in outward appearance as opposed to inward character. Of course, medical experts are warning parents to keep an eye on this trend, as many of these products can harm the skin of our children and teens. But even more than that, we need to consider the hearts of our girls as they seek to squelch their insecurities with an expensive and even dangerous bedtime and morning routine. Parents, we need to raise our kids to counter-culturally glorify God through their spiritual growth.
For those of us who have experienced the death of someone we love, we spend more time thinking of them when the calendar turns to the anniversary of their death. On this day in twenty twenty, my father died and went into the presence of Christ at the earthly age of eighty-eight. The late Tim Keller penned these words about death: “Rather than living in fear of death, we should see it as spiritual smelling salts that will awaken us out of our false belief that we will live forever. When you are at a funeral, especially one for a friend or a loved one, listen to God speaking to you, telling you that everything in life is temporary except for his love. This is reality. Everything in this life is going to be taken away from us, except one thing: God’s love, which can go into death with us and take us through it and into his arms. It’s the one thing you can’t lose.” Keller’s words are good, true, right, and so reassuring. Friends, precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
It’s spring and the farmers are out in force prepping their fields and planting seeds with the hope and anticipation of a bountiful harvest. There’s a new trend among our kids that’s all about farming, but not in the way our professional farmers are now farming here. No, our kids are involved in what’s called “aura farming.” In the teenage world, someone who has aura is someone who has the same kind of glowing presence as the top social media influencers, beloved celebrities, and people who ooze coolness. Aura Farming is the term used to describe the act of doing things online to boost your cool factor in the eyes of the world that’s watching you on social media. In essence, you’re farming and fishing for the social capital of likes, positive comments, and a growing number of followers. Parents, this is a troubling trend as our kids are going to look for love and attention in all the wrong places. Lead them to find their identity, purpose, and value in Jesus Christ and not in the eyes of others.
The beverage coolers in one of our local quickmarts take up almost two entire walls. There’s everything in there from a variety of water products, to carbonated soft-drinks, to energy drinks. Many of the beverage products in those coolers are what would be known as SSB’s, or sugar-sweetened beverages. It’s no secret that our children and teens largely favor these ssb’s, as they are packaged and marketed in ways that attract their attention, along with the fact that kids have always loved the taste. A new study reported in the Journal of Human Nutrition and Dietetics reminds us that these drinks and other sugary foods do contribute to childhood obesity and type 2 diabetes. But the study also found that there’s a connection between high sugary drink intake and increased anxiety in teenagers. Parents, you are called to keep watch over and steward your child’s physical and mental health. Control your child’s intake of sodas, energy drinks, and sweetened juices.
Paul Kingsnorth has written an engaging and thought-provoking book on technology which serves to warn us by looking ahead to the dangers that are coming due to our un-thinking embrace of all things digital. The book is titled Against The Machine: On The Unmaking of Humanity. Kingsnorth’s analysis should serve as a wake-up call to all of us, especially parents, as he shares how the individuals behind the rapid development and acceleration of Artificial Intelligence keep pushing ahead while admitting that they don’t know where AI is headed. Kingsnorth writes that “many of them seem to be actively frightened of what is happening, even as they make it happen.” He tells us that when these AI developers were polled for their opinions, over half of those involved in developing AI systems say they believe there is at least a ten percent chance that they will lead to human extinction. This begs a question: are we listening? Tread carefully and with wisdom into new technologies.
As a parent, what is your posture regarding how your kids will best navigate today’s youth culture? I want to warn you against two dangerous postures. Some parents take the approach I call false optimism. It’s an approach that looks at the world and with a shrug of the shoulders says, “No need to worry, Everything is going to be alright.” Truth is, the collective lot of children and teens hasn’t gotten any better. False optimism leads to forfeited influence because there’s nothing anyone needs to do. Another dangerous posture is what I call alarmist pessimism, which looks at the world and says, “It’s so bad and so far gone that nobody can do anything about it.” Not only does this view belittle God, but it too forfeits parental influence because there’s nothing anyone can do. I would like to encourage you to take the approach of biblical realism, as you seek to accurately understand the culture forces out there, so that you can responsibly lead your kids into navigating all of life to God’s glory.
The title of a research study from the University of Hawaii recently caught my eye. The study title is this: “Frequency of Negative Adult Spectator Behavior at Adolescent Sporting Events.” Any of us who have attended a youth sporting event or who are raising young athletes know the sideline behavior of parents is often concerning, and sometimes even appalling. The introduction to the study recognizes that youth sports are a popular extracurricular activity that can support the physical, social, and emotional development of children and adolescents. But based on our current youth sports spectating culture, the researchers also recognize that there are detrimental aspects, including negative parent behavior, which in turn effects young athletes negatively. Researchers found that with eleven to fifteen year old youth baseball, there were an average of 5.2 negative adult spectator behaviors per game. Parents, we need to do better. Let’s not turn youth sports into and identity maker or breaker for anyone!
Are you aware that Time Magazine’s 2025 Person of the Year is actually a group, rather than an individual? Named as winner were the “Architects of Artificial Intelligence,” an award which is given for the transformative impact AI is having on our culture and lives. Being given the title does not always signify a positive contribution, but rather the most influential contribution. AI is truly changing our world and our lives, at a speed of cultural change never before seen. One example of AI’s negative influence is how its being used for voice cloning and voice phishing. A person receives an urgent phone call or voicemail. The voice of a relative or friend, cloned by AI, then feigns an emotional or financial panic, asking you to wire money or make a credit card payment immediately. AI is truly making us wonder if we can trust anyone or anything anymore. Security experts suggest every family has codewords to be used to verify a caller’s identity. This new world requires caution on our part.
Parents, do you understand that seeing your kids come to Jesus is not just about belief, repentance, forgiveness, and eternal life? Something else has to happen after our kids accept Christ as their Savior. Salvation is not just about justification, but about a lifetime of sanctification. We become followers of Jesus who integrate the Christian faith and kingdom of God into all of life. Theologian David Wells describes it this way: “True conversion is not an isolated experience but one that is related to a life of discipleship. Discipleship belongs to and should follow from conversion the way that natural life belongs to and should follow from live birth. And just as there is no discipleship without conversion, so there is not conversion with an ensuing life of discipleship that involves growth in moral maturity, a deepening faith, and loving service.” The goal of our parenting should be to nurture our kids into a compelling faith that transforms every area of their lives.
All this week we’ve been looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. In his helpful article, Why Youth Stay In Church When They Grow Up, Pastor Jon Nielson lists three reasons that are present in the lives of young people who continue to embrace and grow in their faith long after high school graduation. First, they have been truly converted. Rather than simply being happy that our kids are attending youth group, we should be praying that the Gospel would be preached into their lives and embraced by our kids. Second, they have been a part of a youth ministry focused on equipping rather than entertaining. While fun is present, the focus is on leading kids deeply into God’s Word and the life of discipleship. Finally, kids who grow up and continue to grow in their faith have parents who lived and preached the Gospel to them.
All this week we’re looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. Pastor Jon Nielson believes that one of the foundational reasons for this is that our kids have not grown up in homes where their parents have preached the Gospel to them. My own forty years of experience has taught me that when it comes to faith, kids are most likely to grow up to embrace the beliefs and behaviors they’ve seen and heard lived and taught by mom and dad. Of course, kids who grow up in non-Christian homes can come to saving faith. And, kids who grow up in strong Christian homes may launch on a Prodigal journey. Parents, don’t rely on the youth pastor and youth ministry to nurture your children in the faith. They are there to assist you as you endeavor to grow in your faith, and in turn lead out of your own spiritual maturity as you raise your kids for Christ.
All this week we’re looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. Pastor Jon Nielson believes that one of the foundational reasons for this is that our kids have been entertained by our youth group efforts rather than equipped to live the difficult life of discipleship. He reminds us that in Ephesians, Paul tells us that Christ gave teachers to equip the saints for ministry and to build up the body of Christ. Youth workers need to see themselves primarily as teachers. Have we taught our students well if they graduate from high school without good Bible-reading habits, Bible-study skills, and strong examples of discipleship and prayer? If not, we’ve lost them. Youth workers, it’s good to build loads of fellowship and fun into the youth group experience. But if that’s all there is, we’ve done more to win kids to fun, than to a lifetime of following Jesus.
All this week we’re looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. Pastor Jon Nielson believes that one of the foundational reasons for this is that our kids have not been converted to the faith. Nielson says that we all too often settle for our kids being nominal Christians or pretty good kids. In Second Corinthians five seventeen, Paul tells us that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. Salvation is a miracle that comes from the glorious power of God through the working of the Holy Spirit. Nielson believes that we need to stop being pleased with attendance at youth group and retreats. Instead, we need to get back to a focus on conversion and trust God’s Spirit to bring about change as we preach, teach, and talk to our kids. Converted kids are hungry to know God’s Word. Converted kids go on to love Jesus and serve the Church.
Several years ago here at CPYU we began what we call our College Transition Initiative. This initiative was our response to the concern parents, youth workers, and pastors were expressing regarding the growing percentage of youth group kids who had been raised in Christian homes, but had then gone off to college and pushed either the pause or stop buttons on their faith. It was as if they were jettisoning everything they had learned while growing up, in order to live what’s now seen as a normal college life void of Christian commitment. We realized that perhaps we aren’t nurturing or discipling young people correctly, leaving them with a mutation of the Christian faith that at the very least is just an ad-on to the rest of life, or at the very worst not even Christian faith at all. Parents, we are called to nurture our children and teens in the faith, teaching them the truths of God’s word and trusting God’s spirit to change their hearts. Stick with us all week, as we look at barriers to lasting faith.
Several of my youth worker friends are reporting that many kids in their youth groups are feeling increased loneliness. The data supports this growing widespread epidemic of loneliness. God has made us for relationships, and when the pressures of life, the breakdown of the family, over-scheduling, and increased time focused on screens combine, it's a perfect storm resulting in feeling alone. Sadly, Common Sense Media reports that three in four teenagers are now using AI for companionship. And, in an effort to find emotional and mental health support, many are relying on non-human chatbots to counsel and guide them through their struggles. Common Sense Media has issued this stern warning: “Teens should not use AI chatbots for mental health or emotional support. AI chatbots are not safe and reliable for these purposes.” Parents, our kids need real flesh and blood relationships, starting with you. That is the first step in stemming the tide of teen loneliness.
Parents, today I want to encourage you to have your family attend a church where the adults, teenagers, and children all worship together rather than going their separate ways when they walk into the building. By doing this, they will be afforded the opportunity to see the faith modeled by other adults. Writer Steve Garber knows the valuable role the inter-generational Christian community plays in the spiritual awakening, growth, and nurture of kids. He writes, “For individuals to flourish they need to be part of a community of character. Community is the context for the growth of convictions and character. What we believe about life and the world become plausible as we see it lived out all around us.” Parents, your kids need to experience the full breadth and depth of the larger body of Christ. God will use your church and wide diversity of members, young and old alike, to celebrate and affirm all that you are teaching them as you nurture them in the home.
One of the slang terms you might hear male teenagers use these days is “homiesexual.” We all know that a homie is someone who is a close friend. The term homiesexual can be used in a variety of ways, and it’s always helpful to ask just what a person means when they say it. One of the most common definitions applies the term to male friendships that are deep and intimate in emotional ways. Sometimes these friendships defy traditional masculine gender roles, as the homies hug and cuddle without any homosexual feelings or inclinations. In other contexts, the term could refer to a homosexual attraction to or relationship with someone who is a friend. It’s always a good thing to ask for clarification when the term is used because of the full spectrum of meanings. We are reminded once again of our need to dig into God’s Word to help our kids come to an understanding of the gender binary, and the purpose and place of sex, which is in the context of a heterosexual, monogamous, covenantal marriage.
In his book Against The Machine, writer and thinker Paul Kingsnorth contends that thanks to digital technology and advances in AI, we are moving into a world that is governed by Algorithm’s and AI, rather than by God-imaging humanity. In essence, we are letting the machine guide and direct our lives. I want to encourage you to take note of the four values the Machine is promoting. First, there’s a reliance on science rather than faith in God’s revelation to define the nature of reality. Second, the highest good that’s promoted is to serve and advance one’s self, rather than living a life of sacrificial selfless Christ-like love. Third, sex is seen as primary to what we do, with the pursuit of my own pleasure as foundational to my identity. And finally, there’s the screen, which serves to attract our undivided attention, distracting us from reality and thereby undermining our humanity. Will we allow ourselves and our children to become slaves to the machine, or followers of Jesus Christ?
Now that all of my children have moved out of adolescence, I’m realizing they didn’t come equipped with a switch or button that could be tripped or pushed to make them accept, embrace, and believe everything we told them about faith and life. Instead, I needed to allow them to grow just as I was allowed to grow. Our kids intellectual, physical, and spiritual development are all ongoing processes. They don’t happen instantaneously or overnight. Our role is to consistently model and speak truth into their lives. Then we must allow the Holy Spirit to do the work that only he can do. We serve to guide and direct. God’s Spirit works to bring about change and growth at just the right time, and does so over the course of time. We can’t do what only God can do. Always remember they’re in process. Prayerfully expect God to open their eyes at just the right time, a time that may, in fact, be pretty far down the road. In the meantime, be faithfully growing and living out your faith before their watchful eyes.
I was recently going through some old family photos from back when I was an elementary-aged boy. I came upon one picture that brought back memories of certain summer days that I just didn’t like at all. There I was, sitting in front of a flower bed with a bucket by my side as I was making my way across the front of the house pulling weeds. I was glancing at the camera as my dad snapped the shutter, and truth be told, my glance was really a glare. There were two arguments I remember having regularly with my parents. One came when they instructed me to do my chores, including weeding. The other came when they told me to do my homework. In today’s world, those parent-child arguments still exist, but there’s a new number one argument at the top of the list. Can you guess what it is? It’s over screen time. As parents, we need to nurture our children from a young age into limits on screen time. Christian discipleship includes navigating our devices to God’s glory.
Blaise Pascal described a universal hole in the soul as a Godshaped vacuum. Alister McGrath describes Pascal’s model as “a God-shaped emptiness within us, which only God can fill. We may try to fill it in other ways and with other things. Yet one of the few certainties of life is that nothing in this world satisfies our longing for something that is ultimately beyond this world.” Teenagers are no different from anyone else. Their great need is to have this God-shaped emptiness filled by God. If you listen and look closely, you’ll see and hear that their music, films, social media, and very lives are crying out for spiritual wholeness. Over the years I’ve had the privilege of working with thousands of teenagers. I can’t remember a single one who didn’t exhibit this thirst for God. Each of us can look directly into the eyes of the teenagers we know and love and be certain this is their reality, too. Even when they don’t recognize it as such, we can rest in the assurance their hunger is for heaven.
The folks at Defend Young Minds have released some new data telling us that social media is now the most common way that kids are exposed to porn. Six out of ten minors now say they were exposed to porn by accident on social media. This is up from almost four out of ten in 2023. Thirteen is the average age of first exposure, with reports of first exposure even at six years old. And the four most common social media sources for exposure are X, Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok. The report also states that even if your kids are not searching for sexual content, the algorithms will deliver it to them. Defend Young Minds tells us that the best way to protect your kids from pornography, predators, and other harmful content is to, in their words, delay, delay, and delay your kids access to social media. In addition, we need to teach our kids that pornography is a form of sexual immorality, which takes God’s good design for sex, and destroys it through encouragement to sin.
Artificial Intelligence, or AI, is all the buzz right now. It’s come on the scene quickly, and so many are enamored with what it can do. For those of us who have engaged with AI through the growing number of apps that are out there, we are generating songs, videos, images, and even text in literally a split second, and what we see is so amazing that it can draw us in just as quickly as it responds to our prompts. Dartmouth University professor Scott Anthony has been watching his students to discern what they’re feeling about a future saturated with AI. In an article in Fortune Magazine, titled “They’ll lose their humanity: the professor says he’s surprised just how scared his Gen Z students are of AI”, Anthony says he’s noticing that his students fear losing their critical thinking skills to the AI Machine. The late media philosopher Marshall McLuhan saw this coming. He said this, “We shape our tools and then our tools shape us.” Parents, exercise caution in how you embrace AI in your life and home.
Raising children in the Christian faith is not an easy job. In fact, the more intentional we are about pointing our kids to Christ and equipping them to live to His glory, the more we become a threat to the enemy of God and his kingdom of darkness. Spiritual oppression, opposition, and trials will come. Satan does not like what intentional Christian parents are doing. I was thinking about this recently while reading James one, two to three: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for your know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Notice that James does not say “if you meet trials.” Rather, he says “when you meet trials.” Family turmoil and difficult situations with kids are realities for all Christian parents. We are told to “count it all joy” when we face these trials. The joy we are to feel is not happiness, but the assurance that God will use these things for our good and His glory. Parents, God is at work parenting you, while you parent your kids.
As we finish up our week-long look at nurturing our kids away from materialism, here are some practical guidelines to help you address this issue in your home. Sit together as a family and read through the Sermon on the Mount. As the passage is read aloud, have each family member jot down anything from Jesus’ words that offer insight into how we are to view and manage money and wealth, along with insights into where one finds true meaning and satisfaction in life. Take time to discuss your observations. Tell your children about times in your own life when you had your hopes dashed by something material that did not fulfill as you imagined it would. Evaluate any hopes and expectations for your children and teens that might be pushing them into a lifestyle of materialism. Adjust your hopes and expectations based on this definition of success: “True success in life is faithfulness to God and obedience to his commands, whether your net worth is 10 cents or 10 million dollars.”
Today we continue our week long look at steering our kids to the Lord, and away from the idolatrous trap of materialism. There is no quick way to survey the Bible’s exhortations and warnings regarding money, wealth, and materialism. The Bible is clear that while God does bless many with abundance, it is the love of money and wealth that is sinful and idolatrous. The 10 Commandments forbid the worship of any god other than the one true God, along with coveting things that belong to others. Jesus tells us that one cannot serve both God and money, and that money can blind us to our need to worship and serve God. We are called to put our hope in God alone and to be content with what we have. God’s people are to see themselves as stewards rather than owners of all they’ve been given. We are to honor the Lord with our wealth, giving freely and generously to the work of the Lord. Money and things cannot heal the brokenness in our lives as a result of sin. Only Jesus can!
All this week we’re looking at how to help our kids see and run from the idol of materialism. We need to teach them that the accumulation of things will never satisfy their deepest yearnings and desires. They need to know that they have been created by God for a relationship with God. Sin has broken that relationship, leaving us all spiritually empty and hungering for redemption and restoration. The Book of Ecclesiastes tells us that we have eternity in our hearts, which means that our yearnings can only be answered and filled by God. Only God can fill the hole in our souls. God cares deeply about our attitudes towards money and wealth. Did you know that more is said in the New Testament about money and wealth than about heaven and hell combined? Five times more is said about money than about prayer. And sixteen of Christ’s thirty-eight parables deal with money. All of us need to realize that the love of money and and things can consume us, keeping us from living to God’s honor and glory.
All this week we’re looking at how to push back on the idol of materialism. Materialism is fed by a marketing machine that it is estimated now spends seventeen billion to twenty billion dollars on marketing to children and teens, a number that is projected to increase significantly on an annual basis over the coming years. It’s conservatively estimated that by the time they reach the age of eighteen, our kids will easily have seen over a million ads. We must consider the fact that as materialism, marketing, and spending power has been on the rise, there’s been a parallel decline in the mental health and well-being of children and teens. Anxiety, stress, body-image issues, depression, loneliness, suicide, and a host of other mental health problems are being fed by the combination of a desire to have more, and the realization that your gnawing emptiness means you will never have enough. Listen in tomorrow as we look at what God’s Word says about the idol of materialism.
All of us, parents and kids alike, are swimming in a cultural soup which promotes materialism. We are encouraged hundreds of times a day to hinge our happiness and fulfillment in the ongoing accumulation of as much as we possibly can. As Christians, we need to not only recognize this fact, but we need to take steps to understand how we are drawn to this pervasive idol so that we might smash it to pieces, and raise our kids to love and serve Jesus Christ above all else. Materialism is defined as “the belief that money, possessions and physical comforts are more important than spiritual values”, and “a preoccupation with or stress upon material rather than intellectual or spiritual things”. In today’s world, the pervasive presence of marketing has coupled with spiritual emptiness to convince us that it is through the accumulation of money and possessions that one finds the pathway to happiness, satisfaction, security, and joy in life. Listen all week as we look at how to push back on materialism.
One of the most effective ways to get our kids to look critically and Christianly through eyes of faith at their rapidly changing culture is to help them understand and apply the truths of God’s Word. In fact, this ranks right up there as job number one as we take on our responsibility to nurture our children and teens in the faith. One particularly helpful practice is to sit together in church in order to listen to the Word of God preached in the sermon. The practice of taking notes is one we should both model and teach to our kids. Then, each and every week, use the drive home or a time together later in the day to ask a question or two of everyone in the family. Here are some basic questions to get you started. What’s one new thing you learned about Jesus or God? What was the big idea that the pastor was communicating? Was there anything you didn’t understand or found confusing? What does what we heard in the sermon mean for our lives? Do your kids a favor, and help them to listen, learn, and apply.
Here’s a warning to parents from Union University’s Phil Davignon. In a Touchstone article on increased secularization, he says we should be concerned about the influence of media content on our kids, but at the same time we let our kids watch all kinds of things online. He writes, “It is an open secret that the design for these apps relies on the same principles as casinos do. Psychologists suggest that using the language of addiction is no mere metaphor, since apps such as TikTok efficiently deliver a dopamine hit, leaving people craving more. Christian parents may prefer content-neutral social media to films with foul language, but doing so fails to recognize that form matters. Christians are people of the Word. To love God means to cultivate a mind that attends to God’s presence in the Word of Scripture and the Logos of Creation. The TikTok generation is losing the capability to attend to anything of substance, as their minds become accustomed to a steady stream of online diversions.”
When we can’t act responsibly, behaving ourselves in ways that don’t risk danger to others and ourselves, outside intervention is needed so that the most vulnerable are protected. For several years now we’ve been talking about the out-of-control idolatry of youth sports, a reality that puts incredible pressure on our kids, costs vast amounts of time and money, and can lead to all kinds physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual problems. While sports is a good thing when experienced as one part of a child’s balanced life, we’ve made them an ultimate thing, and it’s costing our kids, our families, and our culture dearly. Kids feel the anxiety from the pressure to perform, while parents allow themselves the anxiety of paying exorbitant amounts of money for kids to participate. Now Congress is intervening to stop what’s being labeled as a crisis in youth sports that is exacting great costs both now and in the future. Parents, let’s remember that the most important thing is pointing our kids to Jesus.
I just don’t know who or what to believe anymore! Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying this out loud regarding what you encounter or social media. With advances in AI generated content and the ways in which we as individual users can create content on social media, those of us who are concerned about the accuracy of what we see oftentimes leaves us scratching our heads while muttering, “Is that true?” The reality is that we are living in a world where the prevalence of falsehood is on the rise, as well as the chances for each of us to be scammed or duped. A new report from the Pew Research Center tells us that a fifth of U.S. adults now regularly get their news on TikTok, a figure which is up sharply since 2020. In fact, forty-three percent of adults under the age of thirty say they regularly get their news from TikTok, which is up from nine percent in 2020. While we can’t tell you where to go to find trusted truth online, we can tell you to beware, and to warn your kids to do the same.
We just celebrated Valentine’s Day, that holiday that’s traditionally filled with red hearts, cupid’s arrows, rose bouquets, and chocolates. Many of our younger kids had the opportunity to share those cute little Valentine’s Day cards with their classmates. I remember bringing home a bag filled with twenty to thirty cards every year when I was a kid. And while Valentine’s Day was all about love, I have to admit that my young mind really didn’t understand what romantic love actually was. How about taking some time this week to throw out these questions at the dinner table in order to give all your kids an opportunity to truly understand romantic love. How did God lead you to the person you married? What is one piece of marriage advice that you think it’s important for kids to hear? How does the Bible define love versus what we see in the movies? How does a married couple stay together through difficult times? And what does God want us to know about marriage?
I remember being a young kid and singing these words in church: "Are you weak and heavy-laden? Burdened with a load of care?" As parents, there have been times when all of us have had to honestly answer "Yes". At other times, the "Yes" comes from dear friends who are locked into periods of unimaginable burden-bearing. Difficulty is to be expected as we are all sinners living in a broken world. If you take the time to read Hebrews 12 you will find words on sonship and the Lord's discipline. God disciplines those He loves. We are reminded that while we may be feeling crushed by the weight of our present burdens, God is present and at work. Remember the words of Hebrews 12:11 - "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Parents, remember that while you are parenting your children, God is parenting and forming you, especially during the hard times.
In the past, you’ve heard me talk about the epidemic of body dysmorphia which is spreading like wildfire thanks to social media. Body dysmorphia is defined as a mental disorder marked by an overwhelming and all-consuming preoccupation with a perceived flaw in one’s appearance. One new subset is what’s called muscle dysmorphia, a belief that one’s body is too small, too skinny, and not muscular enough. This has also been called bigorexia, megarexia, and reverse anorexia. Mental health and medical experts are now warning that this is the latest eating disorder affecting our teens, as more and more teenagers, particularly our boys, are struggling with bigorexia. Much of this is being fueled by the presence of social media and the comparison it fosters, while promoting muscularity as a measure of one’s value. We must help our kids understand that their identity is not to be found in what they look like. Rather, it’s the value they already have in God’s eyes that counts.
The Genesis creation narrative tells us that after creating humankind both male and female in His own image, God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” This creation mandate reveals God’s intentions for His image-bearers. New research conducted by the Pew Research Center indicates that for today’s teenagers ages thirteen to seventeen, getting married and having kids is not a top priority. In fact, eighty-six percent of the respondents say that it’s extremely or very important for them to have a job or career they enjoy and which brings financial success when they reach adulthood. Only thirty-six percent said that they cared about getting married, and just thirty percent say it’s important to have children. With the cultural tide moving in this direction, perhaps we need to do a better job of teaching about God’s heart and design for the family, teaching them that having and raising children is a high privilege and high calling!
Do you remember your own middle school years? For most of us, it seemed brutal. Some things never change. Young peers can create, find, and point out all kinds of negative things in ways that are now sometimes defined as “bullying” or “harassment.” But if your home is place of refuge from that craziness, you will be instilling a healthy sense of resiliency that can sustain your kids through the pressure. One way to do this is to take the opposite approach of their peers. . . who are all too quick to point out and celebrate deficiencies. Look for and encourage your teen to develop their God-given gifts and abilities. Complement them on their successes. Point out their strengths. We need to be parents who are encouragers rather than discouragers. And, as we encourage our kids to develop their gifts, remind them of the importance of excellence. Exercising and developing one’s gifts and abilities is ultimately an act of worship. See and celebrate the uniqueness God has placed in your kids.
It is not enough to see our kids come to Jesus. Rather, our goal should be to lead them into walking with Jesus, both now and for the rest of their lives. Some three hundred and seventy five years ago, the Puritan pastor Jeremiah Burroughs wrote about what it means to walk with God. He wrote, "Walking with God is when we make God's will the rule of our will. The soul does what God does. What's the way of God but the way of holiness and righteousness, when the soul makes the will of God to be its own rule? I will not act on my own will. I will not act on anything but the will of God. What is it that God wills? Then I will the same thing. The soul walks the way God walks when it suits itself with God, when it sets the Lord as an example before it. This is to walk with God: to do as God does, to imitate God." Parents, God has willed that you be the one to nurture your children in the faith. You do so through your words and your actions. And there’s not substitute for the example of your walk with God.
Recent research from Lifeway tells us that “the single greatest influence over spiritual health is regular Bible reading while growing up. Plainly put, the parents of young adults indicate that regular Bible reading as children yields the greatest influence over spiritual health.” Any of us who are Bible readers know this to be personally true, as the Holy Spirit works to change us, conforming us to the image of Christ as we read God’s Word. And what could serve as a better example to our children than our time spent reading and studying the Bible, along with the time we spend reading the Bible together as a family. As an adult, I realize now that my greatest and most treasured memories are not those of family vacations or other family activities. Yes, those are great memories, but they don’t hold the same value as those memories of habits and times that shaped my faith and who I am today. I’m grateful to my parents for their example as Bible readers who took God’s Word seriously.
As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of and sensitive to electronic addiction in all of its forms. We must understand its threat, presence and impact. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing both ourselves and our children to understand, process and live with electronic media in ways that bring honor and glory to God. UK communications regulation firm Ofcom says that we might not be doing a very good job in preventing electronic addiction. Their data shows that among five to seven year olds, sixty five percent are making voice or video calls, fifty percent are watching livestream apps and sites, forty one percent are gaming online, and thirty eight percent are using social media apps or sites. Parents, our habits are formative. Good habits form us, and bad habits deform us. Lead your kids into God’s Word and World, rather than into electronic addiction.
In her helpful book, Teens and Suicide, Recognizing the Signs and Sharing Hope, Christian counselor Julie Lowe lists ten reasons we should give our teens for why life is worth living. They are ten messages rooted in the Gospel that each of us need to hear on a regular basis. What are they? You are not alone. You have value. You are greatly loved. You can find help. Your life has purpose. You will not always feel this way. There is a good way forward, even when life is hard. You are more than your outward appearance. God is up to good in your life. And finally, you will not be put to shame. Julie tells us that we want to help our kids see that the Bible speaks of far more than correction and rules. The bible speaks of life, freedom, and personal relationship with a God who knows what is going on in their lives. We must winsomely and convincingly speak these truths into the lives and experiences of our children and teens. Fill their wells with the Good News about Jesus Christ and His love.
In a recent article from the folks at Lifeway, I was reminded of the importance of training our kids to use physical paper Bibles rather than depending on our smartphones and other screens. We do know that when we read on a screen, we read differently than we do on the printed page. Screen-reading does not facilitate the kind of line-by-line deep reading that occurs on the printed page. In the article, Tim Pollard from Lifeway offers up some helpful reasons for using a paper Bible. He says it makes the Bible physical and tangible. It minimizes distractions. The text is prevented from changing. A paper Bible doesn’t run out of battery. It reinforces the sanctity of the Scriptures. Memory is enhanced. Readers can see how the canon of Scripture is organized and how the books of the Bible are structured, which provides context for what we are reading. In addition, it facilitates focus and note-taking. Here at CPYU we encourage you and your kids to use a physical, ink-on-paper Bible!
I’ve had numerous conversations over the years with parents who have received troubling phone calls where they are given bad news about a child. Some parents have told me that after a few of these calls, they become like Pavlov’s dog, being triggered into anxiety and fear by the ring of the phone, even though there’s no reason to believe that the caller is calling with more bad news. Mental health professionals are now reporting on a similar trend among young people that’s been labeled “telephobia”, which is a fear of phone calls sparked by social anxiety. Counselor Stephanie Wiijkstrom explains it this way: “In our digital age, texting and online messaging serve as our primary modes of communication, and we often feel less vulnerable and more comfortable than in a live conversation or phone call.” Parents, this is a consequence of our digital age, and we need to reverse this by involving our kids in verbal interactions and conversations with others from the time their born.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’ve spent all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Today I want to share a strategy that can push back against social anxiety, which is one of the most prominent forms of anxiety we hear about in the youth population. While it's essential that we all involve ourselves in Christian fellowship with other members of the body of Christ, it’s especially helpful for our kids to be assimilated into two specific groups. First, involvement in a caring Christian youth group community provides shelter from the pressures of the larger real-life peer group and the virtual peer group found on social media. And second, our kids need to be integrated into the larger body of Christ where they can interact with a variety of caring adults. Never underestimate the power of Christian community to foster healthy spiritual growth and development. Your kids were made for it.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Research is showing that one of the greatest catalysts for anxiety is immersion in social media. The use of technology has created an expectation that things should happen fast, in fact, immediately. When technology slows or we don’t get an immediate response we become anxious. Social media also sets up unrealistic standards for physical appearance and beauty. Consequently, kids and adults anxiously fabricate and curate images of self that aren’t even close to being honest. We become anxious if we can’t hit the standard. And, we fear being found out and seen for who we really are. Finally, when our kids have their faces constantly buried in their devices, they miss out on the flourishing that comes with living in the real world. Social media is not all bad. But too much leads to anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One of the best ways to prevent anxiety is to stop overscheduling your kids. Research on today’s culture points to the fact that our kids are so over-involved and feeling such incredible pressure to achieve at the highest levels in all of their activities, that they are crumbling under the pressure. One way to push back is to be sure that your kids are eating right, getting enough exercise, and sleeping nightly for the nine hours and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted sleep that’s necessary for healthy growth and development. In addition, we must recognize the fact that God made us for a rhythm of work and rest. This includes the need for a Sabbath. What would happen if we recovered the practice of taking one day a week to rest? I’m sure we would see a decline in anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One important step we can take is to teach our kids that the nature of living the Christian life is like running a race. The writer of Hebrews tells us to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. And, as we run and struggle and even stumble at times, we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the pioneer and perfector of our faith. In my own life, one of the greatest causes of anxiety is the tendency to take my eyes off of Christ and to place them onto the temporary matters of life that can consume my thoughts and energies. Instead, we are instructed to look away from these idols and focus our gaze straight ahead to the one who waits for us at the finish line. Teach your kids to keep from looking side to side in the comparison game that only leads to fear and anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to spend this week offering some strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today’s culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o’er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan’s thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o’er all forever reigns!”
I often find that when I’m with a group of parents teaching them about today’s youth culture, many wonder if their kids have any interest at all in talking about the Christian Faith, the Bible, and Jesus Christ. There’s a commonly held belief that with all the attractive things the world has to offer, kids just don’t want to have anything to do with conversations about God. But because we know that all of these other distractions offered by the world can never fulfill one’s created purpose to know God, our kids are left feeling empty. I often say that a youth culture landscape littered with brokenness is a landscape ripe for the Gospel. New research from the Barna group should be encouraging to parents who want to see their kids come to know and serve Jesus Christ. In fact, seventy-seven percent of teens are to open to having conversations about God. Should we be surprised? A child’s spiritual hunger will continue to grow if they are not filled by experiencing new life in Jesus Christ!
I recently read an editorial piece written by Steve Rosenbaum of The Sustainable Media Center. The title of his piece caught my eye: “Snap, Shame, Repeat: Inside the New Adolescent Reality.” Rosenbaum writes these words: “Social media hasn’t just reshaped adolescence – it has reprogrammed it. And we are only now starting to realize how deep the damage goes.” He recounts reading a headline in The Guardian which he says stopped him in his tracks. The headline? “If there’s a problem with boys’ behavior, it’s because of us.” Rosenbaum goes on to say that the “us” are adults, the platforms, the regulators, the educators, the media architects, and the investors. These are the people and institutions which have built social media into the destructive force that it is. But I would add one more group to that list of problem-makers. It’s us, the parents. If we fail to see the dangers out there and then take steps to protect our kids, we have not lived up to our God-given parental responsibilities.
One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is basing our happiness and emotional well-being on our kids’ happiness and emotional well-being. When we do this, we’re just setting ourselves up for disappointment. We’ve learned that even though we began our parenting adventure with a wonderfully written script that included no difficulties, bumps, or bruises, God had a different script for us to live. His script wasn’t 100% percent happy like ours. While it was difficult for us, we learned that God gives us and our kids the opportunity to struggle through life so that we might grow and mature. If we were all to base our happiness on how well things were going with our kids. . . well, we’d all wind up spending time being miserable people. The Apostle Paul laid out a better way. . . in fact, it’s the right way. He writes in Romans 12, “Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer”
In today’s world, generally speaking, the exorbitant amount of time and money spent on wedding preparations are not funneled into getting a couple ready for everything that comes after the ceremony and reception, but rather on things that are what might be called “showy”, like rings, dresses, flowers, food, photos, bands, etc. The trend seems to be to spend everything on the day, rather than the lifetime that follows. This cultural trend is one that needs to be reversed. In a social media saturated world where we see ourselves as performers and function as such, even marriages have paid a steep price. And, if this is what our kids grow up believing a marriage really is, then we’ve done them a huge dis-service as we’ve nurtured them into either a rude awakening for which they are not prepared, or even marital failure. Parents, youth workers, and pastors, we need to do better. Teach your children about God’s design for marriage, conflict-resolution, and life-time commitment.
With loneliness off the charts for kids in today's world, we can reasonably conclude that more time looking at screens means less time with others. In her new book “the extinction of experience: being human in a disembodied world”, Christine Rosen writes, “A decade ago, a book about how technology is changing us would offer solutions for a more balanced relationship with our devices, such as take a digital Sabbath, avoid multitasking, and put those phones away at the dinner table! These are no longer enough.” Rosen suggests an Amish approach to technology, where we work to cultivate a robust skepticism about each new device and app, even if most of us will not be as strict as the Amish in rejecting them. She writes, “The Amish asked the right questions before embracing something new: how will this impact our community? Is it good for families? Does it support or undermine our values?” Parents, Are you asking these questions as you think about the role technology will play in your family?
Those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ are called to bear each others burdens. We are to pray for each other. As friends, we are to love at all times and be there for others during their times of adversity. One thing I’ve learned as I’ve spent time with Christian kids is that so many of them battle with loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Even though they are followers of Christ, their adolescent struggles seem to be no different than the struggles faced by their non-believing peers. We are being told that the mental health crisis among our kids is reaching epidemic proportions, and almost two in five teens say they are not getting the support they need. Of course, those of us who are parents need to be more diligent in our efforts to nurture our kids in the faith and support them in any way we can. But there’s a role the larger body of Christ must play. You may not have teens of your own, but you can and must endeavor to support the kids in your church through your prayers and presence.
Parents, today I want to encourage you to take an active interest in those things that interest your children and teens. This is an easy one if you and your teen share the same interests. But what happens if you’re a left-brained parent raising a right-brained kid? We once heard a parent complain that his son didn’t share his love for canoeing. Consequently, he didn’t think there’d ever be anything he could do with his son. Sadly, it never crossed the frustrated father’s mind that he could enter into his son’s world and life by pursuing one of his son’s interests. Maybe we should all think about putting some of our own interests aside for a few years, so that we have more time to pursue the interests of our kids with our kids. Taking an interest in their interests not only allows us to spend much-needed time with our kids, but opens up opportunities to communicate, builds our relationship, and lets us discover and celebrate their gifts and abilities. Take an interest in their interests!
Most of us can remember those pit-in-the-stomach times we experienced as teenagers when we realized we had been left out. I remember a summer day in the neighborhood when I couldn’t find any of my friends at home. I couldn’t figure out why they were all gone until somebody spilled the beans later, telling me that they had all been invited to go to a home in another neighborhood to swim in the families’ pool. Truth be told, I felt like a loser. The journal Frontiers in Digital Health reports that for kids living in today’s social media world, the feelings I felt on that one summer day occur far more frequently, as our kids see visual and story content recounting activities and gatherings of friends from which they’ve been excluded. This ramps up feelings of exclusion, jealousy, and rejection. Researchers say this is feeding emotional stress and creating interpersonal conflict. Let’s use these moments to teach our kids to handle disappointment and conflict with the kindness and grace of Jesus Christ.
Sometimes the circumstances in our own lives and the stresses of raising and living with teens in today’s rapidly changing culture can become overwhelming, paralyzing, and detrimental to our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. When that happens, we’re not doing anyone any favors if we continue to spiral down out of control. If our normal support systems aren’t enough to carry us through, then it’s time to seek some outside help. . . maybe even some professional counseling. One or two sessions with a trained and competent Christian counselor may be enough to provide you with the guidance and support you need to get back on the right course. Perhaps long-term counseling is needed. Ask your pastor or a trusted friend to recommend a Christian counselor. Going to counseling isn’t an admission that you’re weak. A counselor can offer an unbiased perspective, and give you guidance that will lead to wholeness and healing.
The latest report from the Pew Research Center not only helps us understand where our teens ages thirteen to seventeen are spending time online, but should light a fire under us to exercise diligence and regularity about helping our teens practice what we call digital discipleship. It’s not surprising that YouTube is hands down the most used online platforms for kids, with nine out of ten saying they use the site. Seventy three percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds say they visit YouTube daily. Six in ten say they visit the TikTok video site daily. With our kids consuming so much video content on a daily basis, we need to teach them to use wisdom and discernment regarding what they see, along with limiting the amount of time they spend scrolling through videos. Ask them about what they are seeing. Ask them to share what they see with you. And train them to embrace content that furthers their faith, while avoiding that which is not good, true, and honorable.
If they would be honest with us, our kids would tell us that their feelings and emotions serve far too often as their guide for life. Not surprisingly, today’s culture encourages this kind of feeling-driven living. To be honest, being driven by feelings and emotions is not just an issue for our kids. What a shame it would be if history remembered our generation of Christian parents as people who didn’t do anything to help their kids listen to God instead of their windblown emotions. Feelings should never eclipse God’s truth. We must walk our teens through the Scriptures to show them examples of people who allowed their emotions to eclipse the truth, and then suffered the consequences. This includes people like David with Bathsheba, Lot’s wife, and Ananias and Sapphira. One way that we can help our kids see the dangers of feelings is by walking them through the stories of our own lives by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding the feelings-based and truth-based choices we’ve made.
The moment I turned sixteen years-old, my top priority in life was to get my driver’s license. Armed with my brand new learner’s permit, I couldn’t get enough practice time in on the road. And when I passed my driver’s test on the first try, there was a feeling of freedom and liberation I experienced that I look back on as a major rite of passage. As I think back, I don’t remember one high school peer who didn’t think as I did, and we all were eager to get that signifier of being one-step closer to full-fledged adulthood. But something’s changed. Researchers tell us that almost forty percent of teens delay getting their license by one or two years, and thirty percent are delaying by more than two years. What’s driving this shift? (No pun intended!). Today’s kids say they’re overscheduled and too busy, they are staying home and socializing online, and some are too depressed and anxious to drive. If your kids are holding off for any of these reasons, take steps to ease the unwarranted pressures which they find paralyzing.
One of the questions we often hear from parents relates to the appropriate amount of screen time which they should allow for their kids. Generally speaking, research, surveys, and the observations of parents themselves indicate that our teens spend way too much time focused on their screens. This means that they are spending less time on what once were the normal activities of childhood, including things like outside play, socializing with friends, and spending time with family. Researchers in Sweden are reporting that kids ages twelve to sixteen who spend excessive time engaged with their screens experience multiple negative impacts on sleep, including decreased duration of sleep, decreased quality of sleep, delayed sleep until later hours, and greater incidence of depression. Let’s be responsible parents who set and enforce strict time limits on screen time so that they will get the amount and kind of sleep for which God has made them.
As a father and now grandfather, I often think about the wise words of instruction found in Proverbs twenty-two, six. “Train up a child in the way he should go; and even when he is old he will no depart from it.” Training our children is not a once and done task. Rather, it is an ongoing project that in many ways lasts a lifetime. Neither is the training we are called to only verbal in nature. While the verbal instruction is necessary, equally necessary is the example we pass on to our kids. Let me share with you some great wisdom from the Puritans on the power of example. John Boys writes, “If both horse and mare trot, the colt will not amble.” Consider these words from Thomas Brooks: “Example is the most powerful rhetoric.” If we are to raise and train our children to follow the Lord, we must be eagerly following Him with every ounce of our lives. Remember, Jesus has called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. A heritage of faith is the most valuable inheritance we can pass on to our kids.
Fifty years ago there was little or no knowledge among teenagers about eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. In today’s image-obsessed and social-media saturated world, the great majority of our kids not only stress over their appearance, but many are struggling with body dysmorphia, which is defined as a mental health condition in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. New data from a study of thirty-nine-thousand adolescents ages fourteen to eighteen reports that the dominant factor raising the risk of self-harm, including suicide, is one’s perception regarding their weight. Our kids are being hammered by a constant diet of marketing images and social media posts which leave them feeling inadequate and less than. As Christian parents, we must affirm their standing as loved divine-image bearers, emphasizing the fact that God looks on the inside, not the outside. Our identity is not to be found in appearance.
Even though we were once adolescents ourselves, the cloudy nature of those memories combines with a teenage world that’s very different from the one we grew up in to leave us. . . well. . . pretty clueless. We need to go out of our way to learn about the uniqueness of living and growing as a teenager in today’s world by asking good questions. . . . over and over and over again. Here are some questions to get you started: What changes is my child facing as he grows from a child into an adult? How can I support, love, and lead my teenager through these changes in a way that brings honor and glory to God? What must I do to build bridges into my teen’s life that keep the lines of communication open? What makes my kid tick? What is their world like? What does my child find confusing at this point in her life? Why does she think and act the way she does? When it comes to our kids and their culture, what we don’t know, don’t want to know, or refuse to know, can hurt them.
Parents, here’s a challenge to adopt a new years resolution that has you bent on gaining weight. No, I’m not encouraging you to go against conventional new year’s resolutions and decide to eat more so that the scale in your home goes on overload. Rather, I’m encouraging you to resolve to weigh yourself down each and every day with the life-giving good weight of ingesting more and more of God’s Word into your mind and heart. As the great J.I. Packer once wrote, “Wisdom is divinely wrought in those, and those only, who apply themselves to God’s revelation.” The Apostle Paul writes in Colossians 3:16, “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, with all wisdom.” What we need to do is soak ourselves in the Scriptures on a daily basis. As you do that, God will form and conform you more and more into His image. And, not only will you be changed, but you will be better equipped to nurture you children and teens in the faith through your words and your example.
Parents, our God-given high calling and privilege is to raise and nurture our children in the Christian faith. Nothing is more important than that! The word “Catechesis” captures the reality of what it means to fulfill this responsibility. Catechesis is about teaching sound doctrine for sound living. In their book about catechesis, Grounded in the Gospel: Building Believers the Old Fashioned Way, J.I. Packer and Gary Parrett write, “Because we have lost the practice of catechesis today, superficial smatterings of truth, blurry notions about God and godliness, and thoughtlessness about the issues of living – career-wise, community-wise, family-wise, and church-wise – are all too often the marks of evangelical congregations today.” Parents, what would happen if we would take these words seriously, prompting self-examination about how deep we are endeavoring to grow in the faith, so that we might in turn raise up children who know the truth, and serve the Lord with passion?
If you were an alien landing on earth with a mission to find out what’s most valued in North American culture, you would have to write the terms body image and appearance near the top of the list in your field notebook. The pressure marketing and social media put on all of us is significant, and its even more potent for our kids. Body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and dangerous dieting habits have become epidemic due to this pressure. Recently, the Canadian Pediatric Society released a report titled, “the Dangers of Dieting in Adolescence.” The writers report that by the time they get to high school, about fifty percent of young people have tried to change their bodies through dieting, a trend that has increased over time. What the report calls for is what’s called a “health at every size” approach which is designed to help kids eat, exercise, and sleep in healthy ways. Adolescent dieting can have many unintended consequences. Teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ, and not their appearance.
Today, I want to pass on a message of hope for any parent who finds themselves in the midst of a struggle of some kind with their child. More of us than you know are familiar with your pain. I once had a friend tell me that whatever difficulties we face with our children should be seen as God’s curriculum for us, as God is parenting and growing us at the very same time we are parenting our children. I love these words from Pastor Philip Ryken: “For the faithful who believe in Jesus Christ, the hand of God is an image of comfort and assurance. We know that the hand of God is a hand of love. We know this because we know that the hands of Jesus were pierced for our transgressions when he was nailed to the tree. This gives us the hope and the faith to leave everything in God’s hands – all our burdens, all our trials, and all our cares. The Savior who loves us and died for us will also take care of us.” Jesus says to all of us, “come to me all you who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.”
These words from musician Lacey Sturm in the forward to Rut Etheridge’s book God breathed, are wonderful words about the power of Scripture. “Whenever I find truth in any place I immediately know that it is guaranteed to be a biblical principle in display. As a smart aleck atheist who met God on the day I planned to commit suicide, I was not one to take people’s word for what they said about God. I wanted to know for myself. What I found in the Bible when I read it for myself was staggering. In the Bible I found Truth. The most profound, living, mind-blowing truth after truth after truth. I have always been a lover of truth. To find that the Bible was a book of truth was crazy enough, but then to find that it was alive and word-for-word breathed from the mouth of God, words which God intended for me to read and understand and learn so I could actually know Him – are you serious?! This is still absolutely astounding to me.” Parents, where else can we turn?
Today is Christmas day, and I want to take a minute to tell you about the greatest gift that I ever received from my parents. Yes, over the years I received many Christmas gifts from my folks. But as the glory, shine, and initial excitement over so many of those gifts has faded over the years, there is that one gift that actually has increased in value for me. I remember my dad regularly telling me that his most fervent prayer for me was that I would grow up to love and serve Jesus Christ, and then marry someone who did the same. God graciously answered that prayer. Because of that, I am able to tell you today that the greatest gift passed on to me by my parents was the gift of their faith in Jesus Christ. Through their words and example I was regularly told about the coming of the Messiah. As you celebrate the coming of our redeemer, Jesus Christ, into the world on this Christmas Day, remember to pray for your kids, that they would hear and answer his invitation to come and follow.
On this Christmas Eve, I want to share with you one of my favorite Christmas scripture passages. Perhaps you can share it around your table tomorrow. In the Gospel of Luke, we are told that eight days after his birth, Jesus was brought by Mary and Joseph to Jerusalem to be circumcised. While there, they took Jesus into the temple where an upright man by the name of Simeon took the infant in his arms. God had promised Simeon that he would not die until he had seen the Lord’s Christ with his own eyes. As he looks upon the Messiah, Simeon says, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” I can only imagine the joy that Simeon felt. This Christmas, our desire for you and your family is that you will all rejoice with great satisfaction in the coming of your Savior.
One of the great blessings of YouTube is that you and I can go to it to find out how to fix just about anything. I’ve successfully consulted YouTube to find ways to fix among other things, our washing machine, our car, and our lawnmower. Our kids can go to YouTube to learn as well, and one type of tutorial they can find relates to fake piercings, and how to use powerful little magnets to mimic actual nose, lip, tongue, and ear piercings. One concern related to this practice are the growing reports of kids accidentally swallowing the tiny magnets. This came to our attention when it was reported that a thirteen year old boy had somehow swallowed almost two hundred of these high powered magnets, which proceeded to attach to each other, causing abdomen pain. Surgery was required, and the boy had part of his bowel removed. Parents, we are called by God to protect our kids from harm. Train your kids up to steward their bodies with care. And, be sure to issue a warning about these magnets.
If you have watched the compelling Netflix series, Adolescence, you are familiar with Stephen Graham. He not only was the show’s writer, but he played the part of Eddie Miller, the father of 13-year-old murderer, Jamie Miller. In the show, Eddie was blindsided by his son’s actions. There’s no doubt that the show offers a strong message to today’s parents, that we need to be active and involved in the lives of our kids. Graham is now following up the series with a new book that offers a collection of letters written by fathers to their sons. His goal is to convince dads to close the gap in their relationships with their boys so that they can talk openly about what it means to be a man. We applaud this project and look forward to seeing it when it’s done. In the meantime, those of us who are Christian fathers need to take stock of our relationships with our children. The years of childhood and adolescence fly by. Don’t miss the opportunity to be with your kids, nurturing them in the Christian faith.
When I first got started in youth ministry I was a young single man who, truth be told, thought he knew a whole more than he actually did. One of my most arrogant moves was to somehow believe that I knew more about the kids in our youth group than even their parents knew about them. And, embarrassing truth be told again, I look back and can see that my younger self had a clear sense of how to raise children, and this, long before I had children of my own. Having children of my own along with having several decades of experience under my belt, I hope that this older version of myself is far more wise than that young fool I once was. This all came to mind recently when I read these words of wisdom from John Stott: “It is always best to respond to God’s call neither with extreme self-confidence nor with complete self-doubt, but with humble trust in the living God who equips those He calls.” Parents, I’ve learned that we’re always learning, and that our strength and wisdom comes from God.
Recent research published in the Journal, Neuroscience, reports on the effects of physical activity, physical fitness, and screen time on the brain developments of adolescents. We already know that the childhood and adolescent years are marked by brain development, which is according to God’s good design. We also know that since we are created as integrated beings, what we put into our bodies coupled with our behaviors influence brain development for better or for worse. Not surprisingly, this new research is summarized by researchers with these words: “Our new findings highlight the importance of an active lifestyle, good physical fitness and moderate screen time for brain development in adolescence.” Parents, we are responsible to steward the development of our kids bodies and brains to the end of their good and God’s glory. Are your kids getting outside to play and move around? Are they engaging in sports activity? And, are you limiting their time with screens?
Our kids are always learning from us. Our words and our example shape who they will become, a reality established by God as he has created individuals and families. This means that for better or for worse, our kids are watching, and what they see in us and from us will play a powerful role in shaping who they are. The Journal of Health Psychology is hammering this point home. They’ve found that there’s some kind of connection between a mother who is frequently engaged with social media, specifically taking, editing, and posting selfies, and a daughter who is interested in having cosmetic surgery. It’s believed that these daughters have adopted a kind of dissatisfaction with their appearance that they inherited from watching their mom’s own dissatisfaction. Parents, we live in an appearance obsessed culture. Your obsessions will influence your kid’s obsessions. We urge you to find your identity in the rock, Jesus Christ, and not in your appearance.
Recent research from the Journal of the American Medical Association serves to remind us of our need to be diligent in protecting our kids from experiencing trauma to their brains while playing sports. Using new imaging techniques, researchers at Columbia University have discovered that the area of the brain behind the forehead – known as the cerebral cortex – suffers the most damage from repeatedly heading a soccer ball. The practical result of this damage is a decline in cognitive function. In the past, you’ve heard us talk about the growing body of research regarding CTE, or chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a condition leading to cognitive decline. If you want to learn more about CTE we suggest you check out the website of the concussion legacy foundation. Parents, we are called to steward the physical, mental, and spiritual health of our kids. Are you taking steps to insure that they won’t engage in activities that put the gift of their God-given brains at risk? If not, take steps now.
At the start of this year’s school year, we were hearing reports about more and more schools nationwide that were taking steps to get the smartphones out of their student’s hands during the school day. This a great move that every school district should take. But there’s still concerns about how much time our kids are spending with their smartphones and social media during their out-of-school hours. Some new research, that’s not at all surprising, should push you as a parent to set limits on smartphone use in your home. It seems that social media is effecting test scores. For kids ages nine to thirteen, just one hour on social media per day can lower test scores by at least one or two points. Kids who spent as high as four hours a day on social media saw up to a five point drop on their test scores. Our students should be pursuing a love of the Lord with all of the capacities of their minds. Let’s help them do this well by setting clear borders and boundaries on smartphone use.
All this week we’ve been looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. One finding that should cause us to pause in our parenting steps is this: parents overwhelmingly think using social media does more to harm than benefit their kids. In fact, eighty-percent of parents of kids twelve and under say that there are more harms than benefits from social media. This begs a question: If, in fact, there are any harmful aspects related to social media use, why are we allowing our kids to engage with social media through their smartphones and screens? Parents, the Apostle Paul tells us in the book of Ephesians that our high calling is to nurture and raise our children in the admonition of the Lord. We need be about the work of protecting our children from harm and providing for their well-being. Remember this as you think about your kids and social media.
All this week we’re looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. One finding deserving our attention is this: that even for the youngest of our kids, the YouTube video platform is widely used. Eighty-five percent of parents say their child ever watches YouTube, with half of those watching on a daily basis. Sixty percent of parents report that their child under two watches YouTube, and it’s at eighty-four percent for kids ages two to four! Parents, are you aware that your kids are being marketed to through YouTube? Are you aware that there are a variety of messages and worldviews being dispensed and promoted, many of which are contrary to the Gospel and a Christian world and life view? Two necessary responses come to mind. First, limit their time with smartphones. And if they are watching YouTube, watch wisely with them.
All this week we’re looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. Researchers found that about one in four parents of kids ages birth to twelve have a smartphone of their own. Did you hear that? We’re not talking kids who have access to someone else’s smartphone, but kids who have a smartphone of their own! Of course, we would expect but not applaud the fact that well over half of our eleven and twelve year olds would have a phone of their own. And the numbers diminish as the ages get younger. But twenty nine percent of eight to ten year olds, twelve percent of five to seven year olds, and eight percent of children under five have their own smartphone. As Christian parents, we need to question the practice of putting a device that’s addictive, distracting, and full of roadways into unbiblical worldviews into the hands of our impressionable kids.
All this week we’re looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. The survey found that screen use is starting young. Ninety percent say their kids interact with the TV screen. Almost seventy percent have kids who interact with a tablet. Sixty-one percent interact with a smartphone. Half of the twelve and under cohort of kids engages in gaming. Just under forty percent use a laptop. And at this point, eight percent of five to twelve year olds are currently engaging with an AI chatbot. Paul in his letter to the Colossians says to “set your minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” CPYU Research Fellow Mike Terry writes, “With screens, it’s increasingly likely that their minds are being brought lower into fragmentation, and not lifted higher into focus on the things of God.” Parents, your calling is to point them to Christ.
One of the youth culture realities all of us need to understand is what’s called “Age Compression.” Simply stated in layman’s terms, Age Compression means that the things today’s parents needed to navigate during their own teenage years are now things our pre-school and elementary-aged kids need to navigate. This means that pressures, problems, choices, and opportunities exist for kids who are at the most vulnerable of young ages. One area of concern is navigating life with our kids on what’s called “the Digital Frontier.” Today’s parents are called on to manage things like smartphones and social media that weren’t an issue for them at that young age. The folks at the Pew Research Center recently surveyed over three thousand parents of kids ages twelve and under. Almost seventy percent say their kids use a tablet, and sixty-one percent a smartphone. So, what’s a parent to do? Stick with us all this week as we look at the research from Pew, and parental response strategies.
Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today’s world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids’ every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God’s design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God’s will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!
It doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to see that there’s been a decline in parental sideline behavior over the course of the last few years. I recently watched a viral video where a referee had to stop a girls’ soccer game to address a parent who was allegedly heckling him over his calls. The video caught him saying this: “Do I look like I should be doing seven games in twenty-four hours. No I don’t. You know why I’m doing seven games in twenty-four hours? Because there are fewer and fewer people who are willing to do this. Do you understand that? And most of the time people that are unwilling to do it is because of you people.” He ended with this: “So why don’t you just grow up.” Parents we need to take seriously the words of the Apostle Paul in Romans twelve eighteen: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Are allowing the good gift of youth sports to become an idol in your life? If so, take steps to change your priorities!
Truth be told, I’ve been having some fun with AI. I’ve especially been having a good time with AI’s ability to create songs, and to manufacture photos. And of course, I’m not alone. I’m not surprised that today’s kids know a lot more about AI and how to leverage it than I will ever know. The Future Report Study found that in Europe, forty percent of teenagers us AI daily or almost daily. Many of their schools allow the use of an AI tool. In school, teens say they use AI to explain hard topics, get instant answers or feedback, make learning more fun, and to strengthen their ideas and problem solving skills. Out side of school, they are using AI to write and edit, to produce visual art, to create videos, and to design and build projects. We must remember that AI is not a neutral or benign tool. It will reshape its’ users over time. We have to wonder if our kids will lose their creative thinking skills and ability to discern. Keep an eye on this parents. And, be sure to set limits on where your kids can go online.
Today, I want to warn you about a dangerous substance abuse trend which centers around an increasingly popular herbal drug which is available online and in stores, including gas stations and vape shops. Known as Kratom – K-r-a-t-o-m – the drug comes from the tree of the same name that is native to Southeast Asia. Users chew the tree’s leaves, brew the leaves, or create a liquid extract. Users who ingest Kratom in low doses report that the effects are like those of a stimulant which increases alertness and energy. When used at higher doses, it works as a sedative to calm one’s nerves and anxiety, and to reduce pain. The drug takes effect in minutes with the effects lasting a few hours. The physical side effects are many, and there also side effects on one’s brain and nervous system, including hallucinations, and in some cases, death. Our kids are at risk, and we must warn them about the dangerous effects of this and all other drugs. Protect your kids by learning more about Kratom.
Yesterday was the first Sunday in advent. Advent is the church season leading up to Christmas that’s all about expectation, waiting, and preparation. It’s a time to focus on the coming of the King and his Kingdom into the world. It’s a time to think about how God through his mercy and grace is restoring the world we’ve broken to its original purpose and glory through Jesus Christ. Sadly, its such a busy time of preparation for meals, gatherings, decorating, and gift-giving that the real meaning of Christmas gets lost in the rush. Let me encourage you to start slowly and keep moving slowly through the season of advent this year. Focus less on the doing, and more on the waiting. Each one of us, including our kids, needs God to burst into our life to do for us what we in no way can do for ourselves. Salvation, redemption, and new life come through Christ alone. It’s not earned or deserved. This year, talk to your kids about advent. Then, wait with great expectation and celebrate the King with great joy!
When sixteen year old Maryland high school football player Taki Allen ate a bag of doritos following practice earlier this year, he crumpled up the bag and stuffed it in his pocket. All Allen was doing was waiting for a ride along with several of his teammates when several police cars showed up. With guns drawn, police instructed Allen to put his hands up and get on the ground. After getting handcuffed, police searched Allen for a gun, which he did not have. The sixteen year old was surprised by it all and wondered why this was happening. It seems that the school uses a video security system which relies on Artificial Intelligence to detect threats, including the presence of guns. In this case, the AI detection system failed miserably, as it mistook Allen’s Dorito bag for a gun! This story could have ended quite differently due to an AI mistake. This goes to show that our move into this new AI world is going to be fraught with unexpected consequences. We need to tread carefully onto this new frontier.
Today we celebrate Thanksgiving. Many of us have gathered to enjoy a day filled with conversation, an abundance of food, and perhaps some football. If you’re like me, many of these long-held holiday traditions could wind up filling the day so full that we actually forget to pause and give thanks to God for His many blessings. This year, I’ve resolved to spend some time alone to pause and give thanks to God. I encourage you to do the same. I’m going to go outside and look around. I am grateful for my eyesight and for the all the beautiful things he put in the world for me to see. I will thank God for the people he has placed in my life. I will thank him for the luxuries of life that I tend to take for granted as if I deserve them. Finally, I am going to thank God for the difficulties of life. Perhaps your circumstances have you focused on your difficulties. If so, give thanks. It is through difficulties that God leads us to a deeper faith and dependence on Him. Thanks be to God for His kindness and grace!
A current lawsuit case hitting the courts is one we need to be aware of if we love and lead kids. A seventeen year old New Jersey teenager is suing the company that created an AI app that will manipulate any photo, allowing app users to remove the clothing of the person in the picture. When she was fourteen and posting photos of herself on social media, a male classmate manipulated one of those photos using the app, which kept the young girl’s face recognizable on a body that was not clothed. The fake image, as expected, was widely circulated among classmates and friends through social media. The suit is asking the courts to require the company to remove all fake images, to remove the app from the internet, and to provide financial compensation for loss of privacy and emotional harm. These tools in the hands of anyone of any age can be incredibly destructive. Warn your kids, and teach them to respect the privacy and image of God in all humans. Real or fake, it’s pornography.
Sometimes it’s the emergency room doctors who are the first to warn us about the latest online challenges kids are engaging in at the risk of death and injury. Without going into too much detail, there are several reports of burned and injured teens who have engaged in what’s called “the jam jar pulse jet” challenge. Thanks to several online tutorials, kids are pouring regular household rubbing alcohol in a jar, and then engineering the lid in ways that allow them to ignite the dangerous and potentially deadly device. Kids are not aware of just how risky this is, as the jars are prone to explode, which then throws the fiery fuel along with glass shards onto anyone nearby. Burns, vision loss, cuts, lacerations, and other injuries can result, along with potentially fatal bleeding. Parents, be aware of this trend. Talks to your kids about risky behavior and online challenges. Monitor their use of smartphones and social media, and be sure to teach them to honor God by honoring their health.
It’s been a few weeks since the initial arrests involving an FBI investigation into a widespread gambling network which included several people involved with the NBA. This story reminds us of just how prevalent gambling is, including sports gambling, which involves many of our kids who use online betting apps. For example, the New York Council on Problem Gambling is reporting that over the course of the last year, a large majority of high school aged kids have placed at least one bet. In addition, the number of kids ages twelve to seventeen who meet the standards for problem gambling has been on the rise. The rash of advertisements, along with smartphones and peer pressure have contributed to the teen gambling problem. Parents, we need to realize that gambling is both fueled by and fuels the love of money, which is a thirst which the Bible tells us will never be satisfied. In addition, Jesus warns that in an attempt to gain the whole world, a person may lose their soul.
In today’s digital age, viral social media trends are often seen as harmless fun, but they can pose significant spiritual and physical dangers to our children. These trends, driven by likes and shares, often encourage behavior that clashes with biblical values. They can lead our teens to seek validation from an online audience of their peers rather than from God, who created them uniquely in His image. The Apostle Paul warns us in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Many of these trends encourage conformity to the ways of the world. They can lead to comparison, anxiety, and even recklessness, pushing our children to prioritize a moment of online fame over their safety and spiritual well-being. It’s our duty to guide our children through this digital landscape with wisdom and discernment. By discussing these trends openly and grounding our conversations in Scripture, we can help them to stand firm in their faith.
Today, I want to share with you a prayer for a wandering adult child, included in Kathleen Nielson’s wonderful book, “Prayers of Parents for Adult Children”: “Lord God, I do not know and cannot see her heart, but all her steps appear to turn away from you, away from light and life found in your Son. I know, Lord, that you see into the darkest heart; your perfect wisdom lays out all our paths. Please turn her feet and move her heart toward you, toward life in Christ, I pray. I do not know just how you might ordain to call her to yourself to find eternal life and life abundant, through believing in your Son. I know that you have given your breathed-out Word, the writings that can make us wise for salvation as we believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, the living Word made flesh to save us. Please, by your Spirit and your people, speak your Word of life into her heart, I pray. I trust in you, even as I daily ask, please lead her to believe in Christ your Son, I pray.”
Thanks to the continued rise of body-image pressure that has been fed and fueled by marketing and social media, our teenage boys are being encouraged to engage in what’s called “Testosterone-maxxing”, or “testmaxxing.” The practice involves attempts to increase male hormone levels through the use of hormone medications. A host of social media influencers have been building their following of teenagers young and old alike, some barely into puberty, feeding the narrative that to be a real man you must have bulging muscles and washboard abs. This trend is fueling a rise in unrealistic body expectations, dissatisfaction with one’s body, and dangerous medication trends. And thanks to the algorithms, our curious kids who seek information on bulking up in this way will continue to receive more and more information, thereby driving them deeper and deeper into this dark hole. Parents, monitor your boys, and teach them that their identity is not to be found in their muscle tissue, but in Christ.
From the time that our first parents chose to follow their own desires rather than God’s guidelines in Genesis three , our world and everything in it has been marred by sin. Consequently, our families are populated by broken people living with broken people. Because of this, our marriages are at times very difficult. And, parenting is difficult as well. We are broken parents raising broken kids. Yes, there are times and seasons of great joy, but there will be bumps in the road. We make a huge mistake if we expect to have a perfect family with perfect kids. We may even base our contentment in life on having a perfect family. If that’s the case, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. One reason for this is that we have set a perfect family up as an idol. And like all other idols, the idol of family can never and will never deliver what we hope it will. Parents, just like you and me, our kids are broken and in need of redemption. Look for your source of happiness in Jesus Christ.
Parents, are you aware of the online chatbot service known as character.ai? Users can create virtual characters and personalities they can then interact with in a variety of ways. While users can engage with the chatbots to play games or assist with writing projects, the folks at Parents Together Action and Heat Initiative are telling us that when they engaged with character.ai while posing as teens under the age of eighteen, the AI chatbots conversed with them in ways that are best described as sexual exploitation and emotional manipulation. They also gave harmful advice, including offering drugs and even recommending armed robbery. Parents, this calls for increased diligence on your part, as according to the researchers, character.ai allows kids as young as thirteen on the platform, and they don’t require age or identity verification, which means kids even younger can join. Set online time limits for your kids, and always monitor their use of digital devices.
In Proverbs twenty-nine twenty five we find words that speak volumes of truth which we need to hear in our social media-saturated world. “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” All of us struggle at times with making a good impression while wondering what other people think about us. This, according to Proverbs, is a snare, as it can become an obsession, trapping us into the vicious and spiritually deadly whirlpool of making every effort to seek man’s approval, rather than living to the glory of God. Tim Keller says that “if we look to human beings more than to God for our worth and value, we will be trapped by anxiety, an over-need to please, by the inability to withdraw from exploitive relationships, by the inability to take criticism, and by a cowardice that makes us unable to confront others.” As Christians, we must push back on our bent towards fear of man, as we learn to live to God’s glory alone. And, we need to lead our kids to do the same.
I recently heard a theologian say that he has stopped trying to discern whether people he meets and knows are believers by asking them, “Are you saved?” Instead, he asks them this question: “Is Christ living in you?” He explained this switch by saying that many people today look back on a particular church service or camp experience where they raised their hand or went forward at the invitation to commit their lives to Christ. Sadly, while they no longer pursue a relationship with Christ, they believe that they are indeed Christians. Rather than falling on the good soil we read about in the Parable of the Sower, these are seeds that have fallen on the stony soil where the initial joy fades quickly and withers under pressure. This distinction should drive us to nurture our kids into understanding that the Christian life is not captured in a momentary decision, but is marked by a life of sanctification, where every square inch of their lives is lived with gratitude to the glory of God!
If you are thinking about helping your kids navigate the world of Artificial Intelligence in regards to research and gathering information, I want to read you some helpful words from professor, Dr. Thomas Fowler in a recent edition of Touchstone Magazine. “Do the chatbots add any value with their search capability? Basically, no; the behavior of chatbots is completely at variance with the methods of research done by a real person, who finds sources and then critically filters and analyzes them, seeking to extract the most important and best-justified conclusions in light of the subject and of reality. This process we call “truth seeking,” but it is not what AI does: It does not decide what is true and what is not. AI systems are “built to be persuasive, not truthful,” says an internal Microsoft document. We need to lead our kids away from sources that lie. Parents, teach your kids how to engage in the process of using the Bible as the basis for developing skills in wisdom and discernment.
There’s a scene in the 1986 movie “Wildcats” that was oft-imitated by kids trying to be funny back in the late 1980’s. A group of cheerleaders dance and chant at the other school’s cheerleaders, “U-G-L-Y you ain’t got no alibi! You ugly!” While the scene was intended to be funny, the real-life sentiment is still being dished-around as a biting criticism among the teenage population. In today’s social media saturated world, it’s the word “Chopped” that’s trending among kids. While we adults are largely ignorant to teen slang, we need to be aware that when teens call someone “chopped”, they’re issuing a put-down about that person’s appearance or social status. We need to respond with the kind of support that builds resilience if our kids are being labeled as “chopped.” And, for those kids who call others “chopped” either face-to-face or online, we need to correct them, reminding them that the Scriptures call us to treat others with Christ-like love, kindness, and humility.
How will you respond to your children when they make a mistake or do something wrong? What will you say if your daughter turns her back on all that you taught her and winds up sexually active and pregnant? What will you say if your son gets suspended from school for fighting? What will you do if you find drug paraphernalia in your teen’s room? What will you do if your daughter gets arrested for shoplifting? Remember that just like you and me, your teen’s sinfulness is the greatest problem they face. All teens will encounter temptation and all teens will make sinful choices. The determining factor in whether or not a bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse will depend on your response. Let me suggest that your goal should be to redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for your teen to become a more Godly and Christ-like person. Treat them with the same grace your Heavenly Father treats you when you are the offending party.
Recent research coming out of Hong Kong assessed twenty-six hundred school children regarding video gaming and mental health. The research looked at what’s called binge-gaming, defined as spending at least five hours in a row playing computer games. They found binge-gaming to be associated with poor sleep, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression. Three in ten kids surveyed reported spending so much time on video games that they would classify as binge-gamers or to be dealing with what’s called internet gaming disorder. Specifically, this applied to four in ten boys and around one-quarter of the girls. Researchers also found that these habits result, not surprisingly, in a drop in school performance. Parents, we have been entrusted by God to care for the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of our kids. Our parenting must bring glory to God by setting screen-time limits for our kids, and by teaching them to steward everything they and have to His glory!
Earlier this year I ran across an opinion piece written in The Sydney Australia Morning Herald by author and mother of three, Kerri Sackville. The title of the piece was quite blunt, but it does capture our need to rethink how we as parents are using social media. Sackville’s title reads, “Nobody wants to read those posts about how brilliant your kids are.” Sackville goes on to remind us that nobody likes to read a boast. Still, we are living on a social media landscape where we are prone to use pictures and text to boast about how smart and talented our kids are, especially when it comes to athletics, academics, and extracurricular activities. Christian parents are by no means immune to this, and I’ve even seen some boast about their evidences of their kids’ faith. Parents, teach your kids to let their actions speak for themselves as they pursue excellence. And, with the Apostle Paul in second Corinthians ten seventeen, we all must say, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
For the last twenty or so years, educators, parents, and researchers have lamented what they believe is a decline in reading for pleasure among adults. The concern is that the increase in daily screen time, including time with TVs, computers, and smartphones, would cut away at the practice of reading. A new study published in iScience found that leisure reading, also known as reading for pleasure or fun, had declined by forty percent from 2003 to 2023. More specifically, the percentage of people who daily read for pleasure dropped from twenty-eight percent, to sixteen percent. We can assume that adults who are not readers will mostly raise kids who aren’t readers. We applaud the growing movement to get our kids reading more, which requires that we adults be reading more as well. Reading improves literacy skills and prevents cognitive decline. For the Christian, reading the Bible, both alone and together, feeds our spiritual growth. Is your family reading?
Parents, the world is full of distractions for our teens, and some can be more dangerous than they appear. While we teach them values rooted in faith, we must also be aware of the modern cultural challenges they face. One of those is gambling. Aggressive and pervasive marketing for online platforms along with social media and peer pressure are making it easier for young people to be drawn into sports betting and gaming with real money. This can quickly spiral into addiction, leading to financial hardship and compromising the integrity we strive to instill. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 13:5, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.” Let’s have open, honest conversations with our teens about the financial, addictive, and moral risks of gambling, grounded in the wisdom of biblical truth and a desire to be obedient followers of Jesus Christ. Remind them that true contentment isn't found in placing bets, but in the blessings God has already provided.
With artificial intelligence spreading like wildfire through the digital landscape and into the lives of our kids, we would be mindful to tread carefully and set limits knowing that jumping into new technologies is sure to bring a mix of the good and the bad. In a recent article in First Things magazine, Mary Harrington offers these words: “The end of print culture is already upon us. With it’s end, we are already witnessing the disintegration of modernity’s load-bearing foundations, including the valorization of facts and objectivity, and a conception of the individual subject as a universal model of human personhood. This reality-picture, which crystallized in the seventeenth century, is already well on its way to dissolution in the solvent bath of digital media, a process radically accelerated by the spread of AI.” Parents, our high calling and privilege is to train our children up in the nurture of the Lord. Don’t let cultural change drive your kids away from experiencing their full humanity as a follower of Jesus Christ!
In a recent edition of the Kids Today online newsletter, correspondent Anna North asked, “What do we lose when teens don’t babysit?” In her article, North tells us how the teenage baby-sitting culture has changed over the years, with fewer and fewer teens actually baby-sitting, and fewer and fewer parents hiring teen baby-sitters. With a smaller amount of teens engaging in this once widespread rite of passage, North argues that kids are missing out on a formative experience that can build a teenager’s confidence level as they learn to exercise responsibility. Kids who babysit others are given the opportunity to learn social skills, they learn to deal with problems, and they develop in their critical-thinking abilities. In a day-and-age when kids are tethered to their phones, and phones are even used as baby-sitters, why not encourage your kids to take a baby-sitting course and take on the baby-sitting responsibility. This is one more way to nurture our kids into a healthy adulthood.
Because I was a typical kid who was doing typical mischievous things in my neighborhood, one of our regular childhood after-dark activities was to play “ring and run.” You may have called that “ding-dong ditch” where you grew up. You ring a random doorbell then run and hide, leaving the homeowner befuddled as they look around to figure out who was at the door. Of course, this was long before the advent of the video doorbell. But even in this video doorbell world, a viral TikTok trend has kids engaging in a new and dangerous version of the prank, this time known as the “Door Kick Challenge” or the “Door Knock Challenge.” Because it is a trend marked by aggressiveness and oftentimes property damage, Police have been warning parents of the legal ramifications. In addition, there are concerns that residents might take violent action against what they perceive to be an intruder. Parents, warn your kids are the dangers, risks, and potential fallout of this foolish viral trend.
What would you do if you were running the last cross-country race of your high school career and that race was the state championship meet? Now I’m not a cross-country runner, but I imagine that I would be racing to not only win, but to do the best I had ever done. I recently ran across the story of Kaylee Montgomery, a high school senior who set out to beat her personal best in the Arkansas state championship cross-country race. Just forty yards from the finish line, Kaylee came up on a rival runner, who had collapsed from exhaustion. Kaylee stopped, helped Julia Worthington up, and supported her body as they moved together slowly to the finish line, while all the other runners passed. When interviewed, Kaylee said that she was encouraging Julia, praying that the Lord would give Julia strength to finish. In a world where winning is increasingly seen as everything, we applaud this kind of Christ-like service from a teen. Let’s encourage our kids to do the same.
I recently watched a video posted by the owners of a female black labrador retriever who they took to an outdoor restaurant where they were grabbling a meal. The video showed the dog choosing to sit on a separate couch, all the way at the end, facing the opposite direction from it’s owners while acting like she didn’t want to have anything to do with them. The owners posted, “Our moody teenager who sat herself as far away as she possibly could from her parents. The nerve of this girl.” I chuckled a bit as we all remember our own teenage years and our desire, from time to time to NOT be seen with our parents. It’s known as individuation, which is a normal developmental process where our kids want to develop their own sense of self and independence from their parents. But parents, realize this, they are still watching you. Your presence and influence are more important than ever, as you model and teach what it means to live as a faithful follower of Jesus Christ.
As debates continue to rage regarding the effects of smartphones on the physical, spiritual, emotional, relational, and cognitive health of our kids, we need to exercise caution. One caution is this: Don’t put a smartphone in the hands of a young child. In fact, we need to be cautious about doing the same with our older kids, with many experts saying that we should wait to do so until the age of sixteen at the earliest. Listen to this first-person testimony from Matthew Gasda that was published in a Brooklyn-based underground magazine: “I’m aware that my flip phone is holding the line for me. That if I bought a new iPhone, I would spiral into levels of depravity and stupidity, hitherto unknown, in that over time, I would lose even the ability to be aware of this, and that is really the danger of the smartphone. You stop being aware of what you could have been. You lose the mythic hope of being a fully-fledged human being, and you start to crave submission to the digital Oversoul.”
A recent survey by Wired Research, asked one thousand parents of kids ages fourteen to eighteen if they thought their children were prepared to manage their finances in adulthood. The survey found that only eight percent of the parents surveyed believe their teenagers are “extremely prepared” to handle their finances in adulthood. What’s interesting is that this is a ten percent drop from last year, when eighteen percent of the parents reported the same. This declining confidence reminds us that as Christian parents, we need to go out of our way to teach our kids biblical principles of good financial stewardship, to teach them about saving, to teach them about tithing, and to teach them to recognize and push back on the constant flow of marketing messages seducing them to spend, spend, and spend. First Timothy six ten tells us that “the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.”
According to the Aspen Institute, the youth sports industry here in the United States is a forty billion dollar a year business. About sixty million kids are playing youth sports, with the average family spending just over a thousand dollars a year on a child’s primary sport, which is a forty six percent increase since twenty-nineteen. Sadly many parents are pushing their kids to achieve in sports as a way of addressing their own unfulfilled dreams, and to live vicariously through their kids. Twenty percent of sports parents believe their child could play a Division One sport, and ten percent hold on to the unrealistic dream that their child could go professional. But the reality is quite different. For example, only one in six hundred and ten high school baseball players will get drafted by a major league team, and one in ten-thousand- three-hundred and ninety-nine high school basketball players will go pro. Parents, have you made sports an idol, prioritizing your child’s success over their spiritual growth?
Our current cultural climate is one that is marked by hatred and divisions. If our kids follow the lead of what they are seeing and learning on social media, they will be nurtured into something other than what Jesus commands in John fifteen twelve. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” In his book “Mere Morality”, the late theologian Lewis Smedes tells us that the way Jesus loves us is the norm for how we are to love others. His life is our authoritative model. Smedes goes on to share four truths about how Jesus loves. First, love moved Jesus to help people. Second, love moved Jesus to help all people. Third, love moved Jesus to help all people for their sakes. Specifically, he humbled himself and suffered the agony of human life and the cross for our sakes. And finally, love moved Jesus to help all people for their sakes without regard for cost. This is what we must model and teach if we want our kids to love others as Jesus has loved them.
School has been back in session for a couple of months now and you can be sure that there are a host of high schoolers thinking about where they are going to attend college. Members of SheKnows Teen Council were surveyed regarding their approach to college applications. When asked to use one word to describe how they were feeling about the application process they used a variety of words, including uncertain, overwhelmed, anxious, nervous, stressed, competitive, terrified, ready, excited, and restless. We have found that our culture along with peer and social media pressure has made the college application process stressful for both students and their parents. As Christian parents, we need to lead our kids into understanding that college acceptance is not to be pursued as a mark of their identity. Rather, they are to lean into the peace given by God as He directs the process, and they are to approach college as vocational prep for a lifetime of serving and glorifying God.
Once again, I want to give you a little update on the slang words that are trending in today’s world of children and teens. I do this as a service so that you can overcome your chronic parental ignorance in order to understand your kids, and even use these words yourself in a fun-loving effort to embarrass your kids! The word Aura refers to someone’s cool level. At times kids will give aura points to someone who has shown a high level of cool. If someone has crashed out they have lost their temper. Kids are glazing when they engage in overrating or hyping something up too much. Tuff, spelled T-U-F-F, is a synonym for awesome or excellent. The words bussin and smacks are often used to describe food that is very good. And if you are wondering how to refer to something that’s good rather than bad, well, throw baddie, straight fire, or gas into the conversation. I know, it all sounds very confusing, but just like we did during our teen years, our kids are inventing and using slang.
Late last summer, I checked off a long-standing bucket list item by spending a day at the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. Experiencing it for myself was awesome, and it was made even better by taking my three oldest grandsons along with me. While the baseball was good, there was much more than the games to experience. As would be expected in today’s marketing saturated world, a variety of companies from sporting goods stores to those who make sunscreen had experiential booths set up. My grandsons, being young baseball players themselves, were especially drawn to the Easton bat display, where all the attention was placed on the Easton Hype Fire bat, which retails for anywhere from three hundred to four hundred dollars, which is actually cheaper than their five hundred dollar Dub bat. This got me thinking: why do we spend so much on youth sports? Is this really good stewardship? And what are we teaching our kids about spending to God’s glory?
Today, I want to warn you about yet another viral teenage TikTok video challenge, this one that’s been around for awhile, but has seemed to find new life resulting in some dangerous practices, hospitalizations, and even death. Social media’s Benadryl Challenge hit the news again last month when the parents of a thirteen year old girl found her hallucinating with an elevated heart rate of almost two hundred beats per minute. Her parents rushed her to the hospital where she was treated and recovered. When doctor’s asked if this was a suicide attempt, the girl said that she had learned from online videos and a friend that taking enough Benadryl would lead to a high. Upon looking through her daughter’s phone, the mother found videos promoting the Benadryl challenge all over her feed. Parents, our kids are impulsive and they are prone to taking risks. But they benefit from warnings that stem from your knowledge, warnings to guide them into caring for their God-given bodies.
Many parents have been playing catch-up when it comes to understanding and setting boundaries around emerging technologies. One such technology is the growing prevalence of online Artificial Intelligence chatbots, a technology which we can all interact with to get answers to our questions, to create photos, and to do research, among other things. Here at CPYU, we have many concerns about AI, chatgpt, and chatbots. Yes, they can be used for good, but there are many stories coming out about teenagers who have interacted with the technology in search for guidance, direction, and answers to their questions. Recently, the family of sixteen-year old Adam Raine filed suit against OpenAi for the role that ChatGPT played in their son’s suicide. Raine was able to bypass some of the safety features to get information about methods of suicide. Parents, our kids are navigating the confusing years of adolescence with many questions. Are you listening and giving biblical answers?
The kids have been back in school for a couple of months now, which has allowed plenty of time for marketers to collect their data on the spending preferences and habits of our kids. The folks at TeenVoice tell us that this year kids were excited about shopping. Using a scale of one to five, the excitability factor averaged about three-point-six, with girls and boys being equal, and younger kids more excited than those who are older to go shopping. When it comes to who is influencing their purchases, social media and parents hold equal influence. You won’t be surprised that this year’s in-demand shoe brands are Nike, Adidas, and Jordans. Preferred backpack brands are Nike, Jansport, and North Face. And what about skinny jeans? Well, they are “out” this year. As Christian parents, we need to mindful of our need to counter the constant onslaught of marketing messages that convince our kids that they are what they wear. Instead, we need to teach them principles and practices of biblical stewardship.
The prayers we find in the Scriptures are prayers that we can pray for our children and teens. In II Thessalonians 3:5, the Apostle Paul follows up his statements on God’s faithfulness and promised protection from the evil one with this prayer: “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.” First, Paul prays that God would “direct,” or “make straight” the paths of their hearts. We too should be praying that God would remove all the obstacles the evil one throws in the paths of our kids. Second, he prays that their hearts would be focused on the love of God and on Christ’s endurance. Like Paul, we should pray that our kids would not only be focused on God’s love for them, but on pursuing their own love for God. And, just as Christ steadfastly pursued and endured earthly trials and the suffering of the Cross, so too should we desire that our kids would grow in their faith to the point of persevering for Christ in the midst of great challenges.
C.S. Lewis once said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pains.” Those words capture a truth that the Scriptures put forth from Genesis to Revelation. It seems that whenever God would do his greatest work in the lives of those he loved, he would bring about great spiritual growth and increased faith through the gift of pain. In today’s world, we are taught to avoid pain and pursue pleasure. In addition, we’ve been led to believe that if we are experiencing the pain of difficulty and difficult times, God must be absent. But the Bible teaches us the exact opposite. God is present in our sufferings. How is it that we miss this truth so easily? As parents, there will be times of great hearthache, pain, and difficulty. Never forget that these are the times where God is parenting us, where he is doing great work, and where he is nurturing us into people who are totally dependent on him and on nothing else. Consider it all joy when you experience God’s love in pain.
Parents, today I want to give you a heads-up and issue a warning which I hope motivates you to track with the latest developments in digital technology and the way in which these developments might undermine the well-being of our kids. You’re no doubt aware that Virtual Reality and the Metaverse here to stay and will be advancing quickly in the years to come. Based on the fact that online victimization of children and teens is a well-known reality in today’s digital world, experts are now working to catch and address what victimization will look like in the metaverse and through virtual reality. Researchers at Florida Atlantic University has found that a significant percentage of teens who engage with these technologies have reported encountering hate speech, bullying, harassment, sexual harassment, grooming behaviors from predators, and unwanted exposure to violent or sexually explicit content. Parents, you are the gatekeepers. Always monitor use, educate for safety, and set limits.
Because we have been made for relationships, it’s important that our kids develop healthy friendships where they learn how to relate to others, how to play together, and how to solve conflicts. The C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health recently asked the parents of six to twelve year old children about their children’s friendships. Nineteen percent of parents report that their child either has no friends or not enough friends. In addition, seventy-one percent of parents say that they’ve taken action over the course of the last year to help their child make new friends, including setting up playdates and befriending other parents. There is an epidemic of loneliness among today’s emerging generations, and we need to do what we can to encourage them into positive friendships, especially with those who will encourage them to grow in their relationships to the Lord. Parents, Proverbs tells us that he who walks with the wise, grows wise.
Precocious puberty, also known as early puberty, takes place when a child’s body begins to change into an adult body too soon. In today’s world, puberty usually begins for girls around age eight, and around age nine for our boys. In recent years, there has also been research showing that in general, our kids are reaching puberty at earlier and earlier ages. There have been lots of different theories put forward regarding what’s causing this. Researchers tell us that one factor which triggers early puberty in girls are the fragrance producing chemicals that are in the commercial beauty and skin-care products that flood the market, and that have become especially popular among pre-teen and younger girls in recent years. Research indicates these fragrances have the potential to stimulate parts of the brain that trigger early puberty, risks of psychological problems, heart disease, and breast cancer associated with early puberty. Parents, keep an eye on the products your kids are using.
All this week we’ve been looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must curb the cultural tendency toward entitlement and self-centeredness by getting our kids engaged in counter-cultural mission. This does not mean that we need to be sure they get involved in a missions trip once or twice a year. Sure, those experiences can be valuable for our kids. But engaging in countercultural mission means living as a faithful presence wherever we are, by trusting God’s power and living differently from cultural norms. This means that we bloom for God as His ambassador wherever we are planted. We need to teach our kids to play to his glory, study to his glory, conduct themselves in relationships to his glory, and live every moment to his glory. Let’s pray that our kids grow to embrace and live the faith!
All this week we’re looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must ground and motivate our kids through training for vocational discipleship. This means that they know and live out God’s calling on their lives, especially in the arena of work while conforming their ambitions to God’s purposes. In today’s world, the culture teaches our kids to pursue work and vocation as a passport to privilege. Rather than seeing work as a way to serve God and further His kingdom, our work is about making money, pursuing fame, and building up the kingdom of me, myself, and I. One of the key opportunities facing the twenty-first-century church is to help kids learn that they have been made for something, and that something is a life where faith is integrated into their work.
All this week we’re looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must work to create a church and family culture where rather than separating the generations, meaningful intergenerational relationships are formed with fellow believers who live and model a deep faith in Jesus Christ. Our culture is marked by isolation and mistrust between different generations. Some specific ways to make this happen include starting a mentoring program at your church where an older believer is paired with a young person. Our worship services should be inter-generational rather than generationally-segmented. And our homes should be places where our kids are exposed to older Christians as we practice hospitality. Endeavor to give your kids the gift of sitting under the wisdom of those who are older.
All this week we’re looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must lead our kids into developing the muscles of cultural discernment. Exercising cultural discernment means that we all must take part in a robust learning community that seeks, under the authority of the Bible, to wisely navigate today’s rapidly changing culture. This means that we must develop their ability to compare the beliefs, values, customs, and creations of the world we live in with those of the world we belong to, which is the Kingdom of God. And once that comparison has been made, we need to anchor our lives to the theological, ethical, and moral norms of God’s Kingdom. Parents, in order to lead your kids into living counter-culturally to the glory of God, you must be doing the same.
With so many of our young adults graduating from high school and walking away from the faith, what can we do to lead them to embrace a lasting faith? All this week we’re going to look at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must lead our kids into experiencing intimacy with Jesus. This is best done by clearing what they call the religious clutter that so easily sidetracks us. We’ve been complicit in presenting a Jesus to compete at the same level as our other affinities and affiliations. In addition we’ve expected way too little from our kids. They are more willing to be challenged than the church is willing to challenge them. And, parents must be living a life of spiritual vitality where they give everything they have and are over to Jesus. Let’s lead our kids into a deep and lasting faith.
Here’s an interesting strategy to consider as you think about how to lead the teenagers you know away from a culturally-influenced self-centered lifestyle, to a God-centered lifestyle: pray for crisis to enter their lives. Self-centeredness with no room for God plays and advances well in a youth culture that feeds the beast of self-absorption from a deep well of luxury and wealth. Sometimes it’s not until the well runs dry through poverty, want, or crisis that our kids understand their thirst for what it really is – a longing not after self, but after God. While our kids might not see it as such, it’s a blessing when the clay feet on which a self-centered lifestyle is built crumble to dust. Sadly, that’s oftentimes what it takes for them to reach out to their heavenly Father. As John Stott reminds us about the prodigal son, “he had to ‘come to himself’ by acknowledging his self-centeredness, before he could ‘come to his father.’” While we hate to see our kids hurt, sometimes that hurt helps!
From time to time I tell you about the power that marketing has over our kids. Marketing not only peddles products, but it also sells and promotes a world view. Yes, marketing shapes the way that our kids look at and live life. But our kids aren’t the only targets that marketing so effectively hits. Marketing also shapes us adults. It’s for that reason that I want to sound a warning that relates to one message marketing so effectively is sending to us as parents. That message is this: don’t grow old. It seems that we’re listening as we older folks have become obsessed over our appearance, our clothing, our complexions, our body shapes, and more. We spend billions and billions of dollars trying to stop something that just can’t be stopped. Ultimately, this is idolatry. And in the process, we’re teaching our kids to grow up to worship the idol of youthfulness as well. Parents, consider what it is that you worship, and the message you’re sending to your kids about what’s most important in life.
“I had a simple rule for my kid. I now realize what a hypocrite I am.” That’s the headline over an article about kids and device usage written by Molly Mulshine, a young mother of a one-year-old. Mulshine begins by proudly telling readers that she never puts her phone in the hands of her child for the admirable reason that she doesn’t want her spending time on or getting addicted to a device. But Mulshine was surprised when that little one-year-old got ahold of mom’s phone, and in Mulshine’s words, “started scrolling and swiping with the muscle memory of a bored teen.” Mulshine soon realized that it was the example of her own addiction to her phone that was modeling exactly what she didn’t want to see happen to her own child. Mulshine offers up this question that all wise and concerned parents should be asking themselves: Will my excessive phone use make my daughter long for the sweet, lobotomizing glow of a high-tech rectangle, despite any screen limits I place on her? Parent, think about it.
There’s some new data on teenagers and vaping that deserves our attention. Published in the journal Pediatrics, the data looks at trends in vaping behaviors among our eighth, tenth, and twelfth graders. Near daily vaping was admitted by one-point-seven percent of eighth graders, four-point-two percent of tenth graders, and almost eight percent of twelfth graders. When asked why they vape, the three top reasons are these: to relax and relieve stress was number one, cited by over seventy percent of those kids who vaped daily. Second on the list was experimentation, and coming in at third was vaping to relieve boredom. Other reasons cited include the taste, feeling good, convenience, and to have a good time. Parents, be aware that there are numerous health issues related to vaping. It is not safe. Take the time to raise your awareness of the consequences of vaping, warn your kids, and direct them to the Lord who promises to minister to them in their stress and anxiety.
“Be sure to look them in the eye and say please and thank you.” If you grew up in home like mine, you constantly heard those words from your mother as she was training you to be kind and polite in social situations. I learned that lesson well and hope that we were successful in passing it on to our own kids. New research from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign has found that when family members show appreciation and gratitude to each other through saying “thank you”, relationships are strengthened and mental health improves. For married couples, showing gratitude to your partner improves relationship satisfaction and mental health. When a child expresses thanks to a parent, parenting stress is actually reduced. As Christian parents, we want to be sure to teach our kids that all good things come from God, including the gift of salvation. Point them to I Chronicles 16:34: “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.”
Parents, are you aware that the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation is warning parents, educators, caregivers, teens, and children about the growing tide of online dangers that they say may lead to the solicitation and enticement of minors to engage in sexual acts. Known as “sextortion”, this danger involves a perpetrator coercing a minor to create and send sexually explicit material. If the perpetrator gets the sexually explicit material, they will then threaten to release those pictures online unless the victim produces more of the same, or unless the victim sends a payment often in gift cards, wire transfers, mobile payment services, or cryptocurrency. Sextortion victims are most often males between the ages of fourteen and seventeen, but anyone of any age or gender can become a victim. Parents, teach your kids to never engage in online communication with someone they don’t know, and teach them God’s good design for the sacred gift of their sexuality.
One of the most beautiful and telling aspects of the Genesis Creation narrative relates to the importance of relationships. In Genesis one twenty-six we read these words, “Then God said, ‘Let US make man in OUR image.” The God who created human beings as the crowning point of creation is a trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And out of that divine relationship comes the creation of those who God said later in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Relationships are a key part of our humanity. We are made for them, and it is reasonable to assume that without them, our flourishing and well-being are undermined. Because of that, it’s not surprising that scientists at the University of Cambridge have discovered that teens who spend time alone in their rooms, even while relating to others online, are actually isolated in ways that lead to excessive worry, feeling unsafe, and lonely. Your kids need flesh and blood social interaction. They’ve been made for it.
Russell Kirk was a twentieth century social critic who back in 1992 said something very important regarding the changes taking place in culture as it slides further and further into secularism, and what needs to take place. Kirk said, “If a culture is to survive and flourish, it must not be severed from the religious vision out of which it arose. The high necessity of reflective man and women, then, is to labor for the restoration of religious teachings as a credible body of doctrine. America as we know it cannot survive without biblical Christianity. The rights we cherish, the freedoms we enjoy, the ideals we all love together – all are rooted in and sustained by the tradition of the Bible. Christianity is the electric current of our national life. Turn it off, and the light will fade.” Parents and youth workers, it begins with all of us studying and knowing the truths of God’s Word. Then, we must be committed to teaching and telling the truth to our kids, all the time!
As the recreational use of marijuana has become more widespread, socially acceptable, and even legal in many states, the notion that smoking or ingesting cannabis products is actually harmless has spread as well. But a growing body of research is reporting on a variety of harmful effects from the use of cannabis. A new study published in the journal, Addiction Biology, is suggesting that using cannabis causes damage to cells, which in turn increases one’s risk for developing cancerous tumors. Specifically, researchers found that cannabis use damages the genetic information in a cell, which can lead to cancer and accelerated aging. And, with the modification of the DNA in a cell, a parent can pass on altered or damage DNA to their offspring, thereby increasing the risk of premature aging and cancer for that child. Parents, we need to raise our children well, doing all we can to enable them to steward the health of those bodies to God’s glory!
As a baby boomer, I’m part of a generation that believed that adulthood began at age eighteen, which usually coincided with the time a teenager graduated from high school and went into the work force or off to college. For generation z – those born between 1997 and 2012 – there’s the belief that adulthood doesn’t begin until sometime around the ages of twenty-seven to thirty. Researchers found that only eleven percent of Gen Z-ers say they feel like adults. One reason for this is that they don’t have the financial stability they believe they need to be considered adults, including being able to pay all their own bills, contributing to a retirement account, and having a life insurance policy. In fact, forty percent of those surveyed don’t think they’ll ever be financially stable. Perhaps we need to be more intentional about raising our kids to take on responsibility, coddling them less, requiring them to learn the value of work, and teaching them principles of biblical stewardship.
Today we conclude our week-long look at what it means to entrust our children to God. To entrust our children to God is to completely entrust our children to God! While yes, we have been given the aforementioned responsibilities to tend, teach, and train, we cannot drag, push, or pull our kids screaming and kicking into the Kingdom of God. There is no guarantee that we will see the results that we want, in the way that we want, or in the time that we want. No, “salvation belongs to the Lord!” It is only the Holy Spirit, working in His way and His time, who will call our children to faith. We need to constantly remind ourselves of what I heard R.C. Sproul say on many occasions: “God has entrusted the ministry of the Word to us, not its results.” Our high calling is to be faithful and obedient. . . and to leave the rest up to God. Let me remind you once again, that there is no higher parental calling or privilege than to focus your time, energy, and prayers on leading your kids to love and serve Jesus.
All this week we’re looking at what it means for us as Christian parents to entrust our children to God. In First Timothy four, six to ten we learn that to entrust your children to God is to train them in righteousness. Knowing sound doctrine is a worthless pursuit if that doctrine is not translated into everyday living. Our parenting should be directed to the end of not just honoring God with our lips, but glorifying Him with our lives, as we learn in Mark 7:6. One way parents can teach this is to look for those everyday opportunities to employ what I call the World-Word-Walk paradigm. It starts with keeping your ears and eyes open to the current cultural narrative. What is the world teaching our kids? We point these things out and then examine them with our children under the light of God’s Word. Finally, we think and pray with them about how God’s Word is calling them to walk obediently to God’s glory in the midst of a world that teaches them to live contrary to the Gospel.
All this week we’re looking at what it means for us as Christian parents to entrust our children to God. To entrust your children to God is to teach them doctrine. Our children and teens are seeking answers to two basic developmental questions: “Who am I?” and “What do I believe” Thanks to smartphones and social media, culture is catechizing our kids around the clock. While they turn to their devices to make sense of life in the world, we must lead them into the life-giving Word of God, which is the only source of Truth. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reminds us that we are to be intentional about constantly and diligently teaching them God’s Word, showing them how it speaks to all of life. Our approach is to be multi-sensory as we talk, sit, walk, lie down, and rise up with God’s Word on our lips and our lives. We teach sound doctrine by enlisting the tools of age-appropriate Catechisms, family devotions, and the everyday teachable moments that offer opportunities to pass on the truths of God’s Word.
All this week we’re looking at what it means for us as Christian parents to entrust our children to God. One of the most important things to remember is that to entrust your children to God is to tend to yourself. I love Tedd Tripp’s definition of parenting as “shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God’s wisdom.” It follows that the only way we can effectively nurture our children in the ways of God’s wisdom is to be constantly nurturing ourselves. The Apostle Paul’s words to the Colossians tell us that “therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving”. We can only lead our children to where we are. If you want your children to walk the road of discipleship and to love Jesus Christ with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, we have to do the same ourselves. Take stock of your life, and ask God to show you where change is needed.
My fourteen-year-old self had gone to bed at my usual 9pm time. Two hours later, I woke up to use the bathroom. While walking undetected past my parents darkened room, I not only heard my dad whispering, but I heard him whispering my name. It was at that unforgettable moment that I learned that my parents’ bedtime routine included intercession on behalf of their three children. I had been blessed with parents whose only stated hope for me was that I would grow up to love, follow, and serve Jesus Christ. As Christian parents, our hope for our children should be the same. The good news is that parents always exercise the greatest influence on the spiritual lives of their children. God has established the home as the primary arena for spiritual nurture. This influence is effectively exercised as we entrust our children to God, which includes certain responsibilities that He has entrusted to us. Listen in all this week as we talk about how to entrust our children to God.
I recently read through the report on teens and media from the University of California and found some thought-provoking data. The report is titled “Reality Bites: Teens and Screens 2024.” As I was reading through the survey there was one bit of data that caused me to pause, and I want to pass it on to you. This question was asked to the ten to twenty-four year olds who participated in the survey: “At what age did you start using social media?” Now remember that the major social media platforms require users to be at least thirteen years old to create an account. The reason for this is compliance with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act. Remember too, that there is growing movement to keep kids off social media until the age of sixteen. So, how did respondents answer the question regarding when they started using social media? Fifty-one- point-five percent, over half, started using social media under the age of thirteen, with many at or under age ten. Parents, what about your kids?
Today, I want to talk about a research finding that might make your kids angry, but it might also help your kids perform better in school. A study published in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that a student’s cognitive performance may be improved if they walk to school, rather than be driven to school in a car or on the bus. It seems that God has wired our bodies in such a way that teenagers who engage in physical activity early in the morning wind up stimulating their brains in ways that contribute to increased cognitive performance during the school day. And because adolescent females are typically less active than their male peers, that early morning walk is especially helpful to our girls. While researchers do say that there are actually a multiplicity of factors that could be at work here, one thing is sure: this research reminds us that God made us as integrated beings. To be balanced, our kids need to get enough exercise. Make sure your kids are active and not dormant.
A new report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention looks at the issue of bullying in the lives of our twelve to seventeen-year-olds. The report defines bullying as occurring when “a person is exposed to aggressive behavior repeatedly over time by one or more people and is unable to defend themself.” More than a third of the kids surveyed say they’ve been bullied over the past year. Over thirty-eight percent of twelve to seventeen year old girls report being bullied, and just under thirty percent of the boys surveyed report being bullied. The report also found that bullying is more prevalent among twelve to fourteen year olds, at just over thirty-eight percent, and less prevalent among fifteen to seventeen year olds, at just under thirty percent. With bullying prevalent in today’s teen culture, we need to teach our kids to show the love of Christ to their divine-image-bearing peers, and we need to minister well to our kids who have been victimized so that we might build their resilience.
Imagine a factory where the workers come in for eight hour shifts. At the end of each shift, a whistle blows to signal that it’s time to pack up and go home. It’s eight hours of work and then time to punch out. There’s a new and different working trend among young adults that’s been labeled as “grind culture” or “hustle culture.” Works days are marked by a work hard and don’t go home mentality, all in an effort to increase production and climb the ladder. The World Health Organization reports that four hundred and eighty-eight million people around the world are putting in more than fifty five hours a week at work. As Christians, we are to work as unto the Lord. We are to be hard workers who pursue excellence. But if the motivating factor to our hard work is about bringing glory to something or someone other than God, then we are engaging in idolatry. Teach your children to see work as an act of worship, without sacrificing time with family, and time with the Lord.
As Christian parents, we are called to raise our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We must be doing what we can to lead them into an adulthood that is spiritually, emotionally, relationally, intellectually, AND physically healthy. Their physical health depends greatly on how we teach them to steward their God-given bodies during their childhood and teenage years. One aspect of this that’s related to today’s youth culture regards caffeine intake. Are you aware, for example, that your local quickmart drink coolers are filled with aggressively marketed caffeine-infused energy drinks that appeal to teens? And, are you aware that ER visits due to eating or drinking too much caffeine have doubled among middle school kids, and almost doubled for our high schoolers between 2017 and 2023? Parents, we need to educate our kids on God-honoring matters of health and on the dangers of caffeine intake, along with setting borders and boundaries for their consumption.
All this week we’re looking at some four-hundred year old guidance and advice from the Puritan writer, Thomas Brooks. Specifically, Brooks has listed five remedies to the enemy of the soul’s strategy to get us to see following Jesus as a dangerous, losing, and suffering-filled way of life. Brooks offers great insights for us to share with our kids as they face opposition in this world. Today, Brooks tells us to consider that we gain more in our service of God and by following God as we face troubles and afflictions, than we can ever possibly lose by following God. Jesus said it this way: “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet forfeit their soul?” Thomas Brooks uses the metaphor of money when he says that for every penny a Christian might lose in the service of God, he in turn will gain a dollar. Our light afflictions will result in the weight of glory. Life as a follower of Christ in today’s culture is difficult. Still, it is the path to flourishing now and for eternity!
All this week we’re looking at some four-hundred year old guidance and advice from the Puritan writer, Thomas Brooks. Specifically, Brooks has listed five remedies to the enemy of the soul’s strategy to get us to see following Jesus as a dangerous, losing, and suffering-filled way of life. Brooks offers great insights for us to share with our kids as they face opposition in this world. Today, Brooks tells us to always remember that difficulties and troubles in this world are actually a way that God grows us in our faith. Specifically, Brooks writes these words: “God knows how to deliver us from troubles by troubles, from afflictions by afflictions, and from dangers by dangers. In my own life I’ve seen this to be true. Sometimes God saves us from ourselves and our foolishness through times of difficulty. While these times have been hard, I would not, in hindsight, trade them for anything. God’s curriculum for our growth and flourishing often-times comes through difficulty.
All this week we’re looking at some four-hundred year old guidance and advice from the Puritan writer, Thomas Brooks. Specifically, Brooks has listed five remedies to the enemy of the soul’s strategy to get us to see following Jesus as a dangerous, losing, and suffering-filled way of life. Brooks offers great insights for us to share with our kids as they face opposition in this world. Today, Brooks tells us to remember that all of the troubles and dangers we will face as followers of Jesus are only temporal and momentary. And, we must also remember that if we waver and walk away from faith because of these troubles and dangers, we open ourselves up to a host of other temporal, spiritual, and eternal dangers. In other words, following Jesus will result in contempt and opposition from others while we are on this earth. But choosing to please men rather than God will result in our loss of our relationship with God. We must always remember that faithfulness to God is our calling.
All this week we’re looking at some four-hundred year old guidance and advice from the Puritan writer, Thomas Brooks. Specifically, Brooks has listed five remedies to the enemy of the soul’s strategy to get us to see following Jesus as a dangerous, losing, and suffering-filled way of life. Brooks offers great insights for us to share with our kids as they face opposition in this world. Today, Brooks tells us to never, ever forget that great cloud of witnesses who precedes us in the faith who are now with Christ. We read about these saints in Hebrews, chapter eleven. God has given us a rich history of sisters and brothers in Christ who, while they were living, endured tremendous troubles and hardships because of their faith in God. Yet, they remained faithful to God, pushing forward and shining as bright lights in their dark cultures and times. Whether we are adults, children, or teens, God calls us to faithful living in spite of cultural opposition. Let’s be sure to teach this to our kids.
Almost four hundred years ago, the Puritan writer Thomas Brooks wrote a book about the strategies Satan uses to derail us from Christian growth. I’ve found his words to be very timely for life in today’s world. One devilish strategy that I consistently see in my own life and in the lives of kids is the tendency to be convinced that following Jesus is way too dangerous, risky, and filled with the promise of suffering. Brooks then goes on to list five remedies to this strategy of Satan. I want to share one of these remedies with you each day this week. And, I want to challenge you to teach these remedies to your kids. The first remedy is this: remember that God has promised that even though you will encounter troubles and difficulties in this world, those troubles and difficulties will not harm you. God is with us. He looks on us with favor. We are in union with Him. And, he’s promised that no one and nothing can take these things away because our souls are secure in our Father’s hands.
Do you ever look at your kids and get scared? Be assured, you’re not alone. We’ve been there. It is sometimes paralyzing to think about parenting kids who are growing through unbelievable amounts of change, at the same time that they’re engaging with a rapidly changing and frightening world. In some ways this is nothing new. Did you ever hear what Mark Twain said about teenagers? "When a child turns 12 you should put him in a barrel, nail the lid down and feed him through a knot hole. When he turns 16, plug the hole!" While parents should be cautious, watchful, and discerning, we can’t allow ourselves to fall victim to fear. The Jesus we serve has conquered fear and sent His promised Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. As the parents of teens, we’ve learned that the comforting words the angel of the Lord spoke to shepherds keeping watch over their flocks by night are words for us: “Do not be afraid.” Parents, find your rest and refuge in Christ.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is one that really isn’t that surprising, especially if you’ve been tracking with the data on how digital devices are interrupting our kids sleep patterns. Forty five percent of the kids surveyed said that social media sites hurt the amount of sleep they get. Only four percent of kids say social media sites help their sleep, while thirty two percent are neutral. As you’ve heard us say here many times before, God made us for a rhythm of work and rest, and our kids need over nine hours of uninterrupted sleep each night for healthy growth and development. Parents, one of the first and most helpful parenting steps you can take is to get the phones out of their rooms. Doing this will contribute to their health and flourishing.
“Teenism” is a term I first encountered in Ellen Galinsky’s book, “the Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Approach to Raising Thriving Teens.” Galinsky says that teenism occurs when we as adults stereotype the teenage years and those going through them in negative ways. She says that teenism can not only harm our kids, but can harm us as well, by putting us in an interactive posture with our kids where we assume negative things. When asked to describe the stereotype of an adolescent, researchers used negative terms, including moody, overly emotional, makes risky decisions, selfish, self-centered, impulsive, wild, rebellious, lazy, and awkward. When asked to describe the teens they studied, researchers used positive words like motivated, creative, fun, curious, social, excited by life, and hardworking. As Christians, let’s begin by looking positively on our kids, as at their core, they are divine image bearers.
Now that I’m older, I’ve got enough of a history to know that life is a journey that can be pretty intimidating and confusing. Having kids brings that reality home. As one parent once half-seriously said to me, “There are the parenting years that go real well. And then, there are the years of parenting teens.” To be honest, it’s the gift of difficulty and confusion that we need to redirect our eyes, ears, minds, and hearts to where they should be aimed. In a world where it’s easy to look for guidance and direction in all the wrong places, we’re prone to follow a host of “guiding lights” that wind up leading us in the wrong direction. In a world where there are many “experts” sharing conflicting opinions on how to parent our kids through the teenage years, it’s good to know there’s a light we can trust. And the One who created life, children, teens, parents, and families offers that light to us. That light is the Word – both the incarnate Word Jesus Christ and the written Word of the Bible.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is that after all these years of adults noticing the drop in kids’ productivity due to so much time spent on social media, the kids are now beginning to realize this themselves. Four out of ten thirteen to seventeen year olds say that social media platforms hurt their productivity. This makes sense as we know that social media is distracting, with notifications interrupting whatever it might be that our attention should be focused on. In the past, research has shown that the human mind can not multi-task with optimal productivity for either task. Teach your kids to focus their minds on the task at hand, putting their phones aside so they might do their best at whatever it is, all to the glory of God.
Today we complete our week long look at childhood sexual abuse and how our churches should respond. Today I will issue a warning – don’t ever let down your guard. Over the course of the last few months our internet feeds and news sites have been filled with a steady streams of abuses revealed. Our temptation is to always point the finger and to shake our heads in pious disapproval, all the while denying that we’d ever think or do anything like that. Don’t buy the lie. We are sinful and fallen human beings. Each of us could easily cross the line into anything from inappropriate emotional enmeshment to sexual abuse. Surround yourself with accountability. Set boundaries and hold to them. Don’t take advantage of vulnerable young people in any way, shape, or form. And, if you’re struggling, step away and get the help that’s needed. Paul wasn’t joking when he said, “Flee from sexual immorality”
All this week we’re looking at how our churches should respond to the epidemic of childhood sexual abuse. Today’s advice? Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you have the knowledge and ability to intervene and do what needs to be done from start to finish. Trained and competent counselors must be employed to work with the victims and the perpetrator. Law enforcement officials must be informed immediately. Harvest USA, a ministry dealing with the scourge of sexual sin and brokenness, has a list of goals for the redemptive process. First, protect the minor child. Second, honor the laws of the state. Third, begin to repair the damage. Fourth, enable the perpetrator to face the consequences of his or her actions. Fifth, maintain the purity of the Church if the person is a part of the church. And sixth, maintain the purity of the witness of Christ in the community.
Today we continue our look at how to respond when childhood sexual abuse visits our church or someone we know. Never forget to focus on the victim. Believe it or not, they are oftentimes forgotten and blamed. What’s wrong with us? We must go out of our way to affirm young victims who come forward. Not only does this promote the process of healing for the victim, but it fosters a climate where other victims too scared to speak come to see the church as a safe place from which to launch on to the road to restoration. Realize that young sexual abuse victims need you to walk with them every step of the way. . . and that journey begins the moment they reveal their abuse. Being victimized by sexual abuse is a monumental faith-rattler. How we choose to respond – or not respond – to young victims will shape their concept of God, their relationship to the church, and their faith for the rest of their lives.
This week we’re looking at how to respond to the epidemic of childhood sexual abuse. Sadly, one of the complaints heard most often about Christians and the church is that we ignore the problem of sexual abuse, or sometimes even deny its existence. The consequences of our ignorance and irresponsibility are great. We wind up ignoring the need to develop effective and responsible preventive and redemptive responses. Fortunately, the growing pervasiveness of sexual abuse has caused many churches to wake up and establish protective policies for the church, their children’s ministry, and youth group. What, is your church doing? Work to implement policies and training that will reduce the risk of making it easy to put kids into the hands of sexual predators. Screen your volunteers. Require interviews and background checks. Implement oversight and accountability standards.
All this week we will look at what the church can do in response to sexual abuse. First, talk about sexual abuse - over and over again. Make sure that everyone in your church understands the reality and pervasiveness of childhood sexual abuse. Not only does this paint sexual abuse as a very real social and spiritual problem, but it fuels a mentality that leads to the development of healthy preventive and redemptive responses measures. Talking about it with your kids helps them more readily recognize it as sinful and immoral behavior. Consequently, those who have been victimized will be more prone to come out of the shadows of secrecy and into the light that leads to liberation. And, you will be preparing kids to move into a spiritually healthy adulthood with an established sense of right and wrong. . . especially in a world that sends confusing sexual messages that only feed the mindset of the abuser.
Life for teenagers is difficult. When their hands hit the doorknob at your house, do they feel like they are stepping out of a difficult world into a place of even greater heartache, brokenness, and difficulty? Or are they able to breathe a sigh of relief as they step over the threshold into the loving, safe, and comforting place they call home? Be sure your home is the latter. And once it is, why not open the doors to your child’s peers, providing them with a safe and welcoming place too? Chances are good that your teenager has friends whose homes are anything but peaceful. Don’t see the presence of these kids as a burden. Rather, embrace the opportunity to love a young person who may not experience love anywhere else. If this is what you hope for your home to become, why not refinish your basement or furnish another room, then fill it with teenagers? Fill your refrigerator with food and for these kids. The potential for making a positive impact in a teenager’s life is tremendous.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is related to how social media affects one’s friendships. Teens say that there are positive effects on friendships, including being more connected to what’s going on in their friends’ lives, finding it to be a place to show their creative side, finding people to help them during difficult times, and making them feel more accepted. But they also site negative impacts, including being overwhelmed by all the social drama, feeling the pressure to create content that others will like, feeling like their friends are leaving them out of things, and making them compare in ways that makes them feel worse about their own lives. Parents, this mixed bag is one reason why many experts are advising no social media until the age of sixteen.
“How much should I tell my kids about my life as a teenager?” Ever wonder about that one? You have if you’re conscious about the mistakes you made during your teenage years and you’re dreading the day one of your kids starts asking those probing questions. Answering with age appropriate honesty is the best policy when kids are considering their own actions and wondering about what you did when you were their age. Our kids have asked us some very frank questions over the years. And, we’ve given them some very frank answers. At times, we’ve been able to espouse the virtues of God’s ways by speaking from the experience of embracing those ways during our own teenage years. At other times, we’ve been able to espouse the virtues of God’s ways by talking openly about the sins of our past and the resulting consequences of those sins. Telling your story with honesty is not only helpful for your kids, but your vulnerability makes you a real and credible person in their eyes.
The hallway of my junior high school seemed less like a passageway from class to class, and more like a gauntlet. Walking that hallway was painful business as my self-conscious self wondered where – if anywhere – I fit in to that mass of same-aged students known as my “peers.” As children move into the early stages of adolescence, peers become increasingly important. Kids feel more secure when they are accepted by a group of friends. Hiding in the confines of a group offers safety to an insecure and self-conscious teen. Peer acceptance is sometimes pursued with reckless abandon. . . and what they often abandon are the beliefs and behaviors you’ve instilled in them as decent, good, and right. Because rejection is feared and to be avoided at all costs, many kids will compromise these standards of right and wrong if that compromise will facilitate peer acceptance rather than rejection. Parents, talk to your teens about peer pressure, decision-making, God-honoring choices, and the nature of healthy friendships.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings points to the fact that our kids themselves are starting to see the downside of all this time spent on social media. Back in twenty twenty two, thirty six percent of kids said they spend too much time on social media. A year later, that number had dropped to twenty-seven percent. But in twenty-twenty-four, just one year later, the number jumped up to forty-five percent. We are hearing about more and more kids who are initiating steps on their own, by taking social media fasts, getting rid of their smartphones in favor of dumbphones, and getting off social media altogether. Parents, too much time spent on social media means too little time on other more important things, like the cultivating of a rich devotional life.
All this week we’ve been looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that when we walk with God, we will experience his approval and blessing, and we won’t be looking for encouragement from the world. In today’s social media saturated world where everyone wants the likes and positive comments, this is a radically counter-cultural ideal. Burroughs teaches us to pray, “Lord, I depend on you for blessing, and however things seem to go, still Lord, I look up to you for your blessing and approval alone.” Parents, teach your kids that when they are truly walking with God, they will turn away from seeking the approval of others and the world, but look to God. Athletes often say it like this: “I am playing for the audience of one, for His approval, and for His glory alone.” May it be the same for our kids!
All this week we’re looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that if we are walking with God, our lives will be marked by taking on the tasks we face not in our own power, but with the assistance of God. Parents, we can teach our kids to pray this prayer of dependence on God in all things: “Lord, this is the work you’ve called me to. Let me have strength from you to do this work. I can do nothing without you, Lord. Come, I pray, and assist me.” In this current age which celebrates individuality, our kids are being taught that they need to depend on nobody but themselves. They are being told the lie that all you have to do is put your mind to it and you can anything. But the Scriptures tells us that it is God who is our refuge and strength, and it only through Him that we do anything. Teach this to your kids.
All this week we’re looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that when we set ourselves to walk with God, we depend on God for protection as He takes care to watch over us in whatever we do. Our kids need to learn that the pathway of discipleship, which is the pathway of self-denial, is one where we will experience difficulties, dangers, and even opportunities to enter into the sufferings of Christ. We should teach our kids to pray this prayer from Burroughs: “Lord, I am in the way into which you have guided me. I may meet with much trouble and affliction. But Lord, protect me, defend me in this way of yours.” Parents, as we walk with God, let us echo these words of the Psalmist: “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”
All this week we’re looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that when we are walking with God, we will depend on God for direction. In today’s world, so many cultural voices are calling out to our kids, inviting them to come and follow. If they assent, they will find themselves on what the Bible calls the wide road that leads to destruction. But if we are Christians, we are called to ignore those voices, instead looking to and depending on God over the course of our lives. We must teach our kids to pray, “Lord, lead me, guide me.” Burroughs says that wicked hearts avoid listening to and following the guidance of the Lord. We must teach our kids that rather than listening to the voices in the world or their own untrustworthy thoughts, we are to seek to hear God speak in His Word and walk in His ways.
If you are familiar with your Bible characters you know that there are two individuals mentioned in the early chapters of Genesis who, we read, “walked with God.” Both Enoch and Noah are described in this way, indicating that they had a close and intimate relationship with almighty God. What is indicated by this descriptor is that they both lived obediently as they worshipped, prayed, and sought God’s guidance. All of us who are followers of Jesus Christ, young and old alike, need to make walking with God our top priority in life. As parents, we need to walk in total dependence on God, and we should pray that the children and teens we are raising will grow up to do the same. I have recently been reading a series of writings from the seventeenth century Puritan preacher Jeremiah Burroughs, which are all about what it means to walk with God. Listen in for the rest of this week, as I will be passing on good guidance and advice from Burroughs that can shape how we lead our kids.
Because the teenage years are filled with so much change and uncertainty, your kids yearn for stability and normalcy. Their search for a safe place to belong leads them to the haven of friendships with peers. These friendships are important and necessary as our kids begin to move towards the independence of adulthood. This means that they’ll face peer pressure. That pressure can either be positive - influencing them to make good choices - or negative. . . something most of us remember all too well from the impulsive peer-influenced decisions we made during our own teenage years! Getting to know your teen’s friends opens a wide window into understanding the unique blend of peer pressures your teen is facing. That knowledge allows you to respond to those realities with Godly wisdom, direction, and boundaries. But that’s not all. You’ll be opening the door to other kids who will benefit from - and might even desperately need - your friendship, Godly wisdom, and guidance as well.
New research from the University of Cambridge offers up some noteworthy information on the relationship between teen social media use and mental health conditions. Researchers found that kids who struggle with anxiety and depression report higher rates of being negatively affected by social media. Those with anxiety and depression have a higher rate of comparing themselves to others on social media, having a lack of self-control over the time they spend on social media, and experiencing changes in their mood in response to the comments or likes they receive on social media. While the study doesn’t say that social media use causes these mental health conditions, it does say that those who have them use social media differently, including spending an average of almost an hour more per day on social media than those who aren’t anxious or depressed. Parents, monitor your kids use, and if they need help, get them to a qualified Christian counselor.
I’ve become known around my house as the guy who asks too many questions. To be honest, I think I get a little annoying. One thing I’ve learned is that I need to ask good questions. Our tendency is to talk at, rather than listen to our kids. The bad news is that this approach is a communication killer. Asking good questions serves to open the floodgates of communication by encouraging your kids to express themselves. Asking questions lets your kids know you want to hear what they have to say. Good questions asked at just the right time helps teens think through their actions, process the decisions they’ve made, and consider the resulting consequences. Good questions give kids the opportunity to be treated like an adult, rather than a child. And remember, good questions are differentiated from bad questions because they can’t be answered with only one word or a grunt. Good open-ended questions start with words like “how,” “why,” and “what.”
Online pornography is an ever-present reality in today’s world. I recently asked Google this question: “What percentage of the internet is pornography.” I was told it’s estimated that around twelve percent of the internet is dedicated to pornographic content. In a recent letter to First Things journal, reader Isabel Hogben wrote these compelling words about the power of porn: “Online porn shatters human dignity by reducing an extraordinary, singular personhood to a pixelated consumable, rather than recognizing each and every human being as an embodied soul and remarkable phenomenon. Porn presents a child, the ultimate moral work in progress, with a deficient and depraved account of the self, love, and how we ought to treat each other. It teaches kids that a person is something to view from afar, commodify, and objectify, and its accessibility to children is an excellent way to spawn a generation of media-obsessed, atomized, hyper-consumerists.”
As a dad, I’ve learned over and over that I need to choose my words carefully. I’m usually reminded after moments of being very careless with my words. Proverbs 12:18 tells us that “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” I read that and can only respond with one word. . . . “Guilty!” I’ve thrown reckless words around my relationships with abandon, especially with those who live under my roof. Reckless words are not only harmful to our communication, but to our relationships with our kids. Stuff that mindlessly rolls off our tongues in a rage-filled or careless moment can stick with them forever. Taking the time to habitually think before we speak is an investment that will pay great dividends in strengthened parent/teen relationships and positive parental influence. A necessary mark of healthy relationships is that we are dads and moms who always take the time to think before we speak.
Remember what used to happen to the teenage girl from the Christian family who got pregnant? Maybe you don’t, because you never heard in the first place that the girl was even pregnant. She just disappeared. . . usually halfway across the country to Aunt Martha’s farm. Then, a year or two later, she’d reappear and life would go on as if nothing happened. That’s the way it used to be in the church when a family was in crisis. If other people found out, a family was surrounded by judgment rather than grace. We deal with the fallout of that way of life when we find ourselves in crisis and our first thought is “What will other people think??” or “Who knows??” Consequently, we do all we can to cover up the crisis, deal with it quietly, and move on. But that’s a horrible way to live and it’s not the least bit helpful to our kids. It exposes the idolatry of our own hearts, sending the message that we’re more concerned about what other people think of us, than the well-being of our kids.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is one that I also find encouraging. Teens were asked about who they are most comfortable talking about their mental health with. The options included parents, friends, a mental health therapist, a family member other than a parent, and a teacher. Fifty two percent of the kids said they are extremely or very likely to talk to their parent. However, sixteen percent did say they are not too or not at all likely to talk to a parent. No matter what, we can always exert greater effort at building the kind of relationships with our kids that encourage good communication and a willingness to open up. Be sure your kids know that along with God, you are always available whenever they want to talk!
It’s been twenty five years since Nancy Pearcey and the late Chuck Colson published their book, titled with this question: How Now Shall We Live? The book is still relevant, as it offers us an understanding of how to confront and navigate the cultural narrative in ways that lead Christians to live counter-culturally to the honor and glory of God. There are a couple of sentences in the book that can set us straight as we endeavor to live as followers of Jesus Christ and encourage our kids to do the same. They write, “Genuine Christianity is more than a relationship with Jesus, as expressed in personal piety, church attendance, Bible Study, and works of charity. It is more than discipleship, more than believing a system of doctrines about God. Genuine Christianity is a way of seeing and comprehending all reality.” Parents, are you teaching your kids that Christianity should direct all their decisions, all their beliefs, all their lifestyle choices, and all their actions?
I love listening to music. As a music lover, nothing enhances my own listening experience as much as a good set of ear buds and a volume setting that I’m sure is higher than it should be. Lately, my difficulty hearing conversations when there’s ambient noise have me wishing I could rewind to turn down the volume that I’m sure now effects my hearing as I’ve gotten older. The World Health Organization tell us that globally, thirty-four million children have deafness or hearing loss, of which sixty percent of the cases are due to preventable causes. As you might expect much of this could be mitigated if we would intervene when our children are younger, teaching them to practice safe listening habits, such as using headphones or earbuds less frequently, and turning down the volume. Parents, you are responsible for stewarding your child’s health, including their hearing, to the glory of God, so that they might make choices now that lead to life-long hearing health.
Listen to these heartfelt words of warning from Megan Garcia, the mother of a fourteen year-old boy who died by suicide in February: “There is a platform out there you might not have heard about, but you need to know about it because, in my opinion, we are behind the eight ball here. A child is gone. My child is gone.” Her son, Sewell, had logged on to a site known as Character.AI. The site allows users to create and interact with fictional chatbot characters. Kids who are lonely are especially vulnerable to going deep into these so-called relationships with chatbots. But the risks are many, including exposure to hate speech, sexually explicit content, security issues, and privacy violations. In Garcia’s case, she is now suing the company, since in a conversation where he said he was considering suicide, the chatbot did not dissuade him. Parents, shield your kids from these ai companion sites. What our kids really need are healthy real-life relationships with family and friends.
All this week we’ve been looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area’s Delaware County Christian School’s establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school policy. The school wanted to address a rise in mediocrity. Administrators write, We are far too easily pleased with superficial counterfeits for the good, the true, and the beautiful, mediated through a five-inch rectangular smartphone screen. We are far too easily pleased with half-hearted intellectual effort on school assignments, though we are called to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. The question was then asked, What steps can we take to overcome mediocrity and steward what God has given us, to pursue excellence throughout the day for His glory? We applaud the Delaware County Christian School for thoughtfully and theologically creating a path we all must walk, managing our smartphones, rather than allowing them to control us and our kids.
All this week I’m looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area’s Delaware County Christian School’s establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school policy. One pattern of life in today’s world that the school wanted to address was the ever-present reality of interruptions. As an introduction to their policy, the school shares these words: the average American checks his or her phone one-hundred and forty-four times a day. Research indicates that there is an addictive component to the dopamine rush in our brains associated with smartphone notifications and multi-tasking. As a result, any deeper learning, critical analysis, problem solving, or creative process that we undertake is almost always interrupted, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. The policy writers than ask this question which we all must consider: What steps can we take to limit these interruptions and increase students’ capacity for protracted focus?
All this week I’m looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area Delaware County Christian School establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school day policy. The first pattern of life in today’s world that the school wanted to address was noise. As an introduction to their policy, the school shares these words: “The modern age is filled with noise everywhere we turn. Teens and adults alike fill almost every quiet moment with earbuds, music, podcasts, news, doom-scrolling through social media, and even emails. As we encourage young people to carve out even ten to twenty minutes of sustained quiet time with God and His Word in their personal lives, the practice seems arduous at best and impossible at worst.” The school then asked this question that all of us should ask ourselves: “What steps can we take to limit the noise and cultivate windows of quiet in the lives of our school community members, especially our teens?”
All this week I’m looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area’s Delaware County Christian School establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school day policy. Administrators took seriously the Apostle Paul’s call in Romans twelve to no longer conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. They recognized that the current smartphone pattern of this world was undermining the flourishing of their students in their homes, their friendships, their family lives, their educational experience, and their personal faith. Technology was playing a role in impeding student’s abilities to connect deeply and authentically with loved ones and friends, with teachers/coaches/and other mentors, with the academic curricula and important ideas, and with the person of Jesus Christ, His word, and His will. Come back tomorrow as we look further into the patterns of this world that administrators sought to address.
In his book “The Anxious Generation,” social psychologist Jonathan Haidt offers a series of recommendations for how to stop the epidemic of youth mental health issues. One of those recommendations is straightforward and blunt: no smartphones in schools. Fortuneately there’s a growing movement among schools, parents, and even some students themselves to make this necessary move. I’ve had conversations with administrators at the Delaware County Christian School just outside of Philadelphia regarding the decision they’ve made to take phones out of students’ hands for the duration of the school day. The move by DCCS was made thoughtfully, with reflection on cultural realities along with practical and theological reasons for establishing a phone-free school policy. As expected, this new policy has been widely applauded in the school community, and resulted in several positive outcomes. Listen in all this week as we talk about why we need phone-free schools.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is our teenagers’ shifting attitudes on whether or not social media is harmless, or harmful. Back in twenty twenty-two, thirty-two percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds said that social media sites have a mostly negative effect on people their age. At the end of twenty-twenty-four, the percentage of kids saying the same thing had risen significantly to forty-eight percent. Parents, when our kids themselves are self-reporting that social media is harmful, we need to interpret that as a cry for help. God has given you the responsibility to raise and nurture your kids to spiritual maturity. Perhaps it’s time we realize that we must take steps to help them peel away from social media harm.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most concerning findings to me is that thirty-four percent of our kids say they go to social media to get mental health information, with sixty-three percent of the kids surveyed saying that social media is an important source for information about mental health. My concern is fueled by the fact that even though one can find good advice on social media, it is also a source of misinformation, and even the kind of bad information that can encourage kids to embrace and lean into things like gender confusion, immoral sexual practices, and body dysmorphia. Parents, prepare your kids with warnings about what they might find on the internet, along with constant encouragement to come to you so that together you might get the proper needed help.
All too often I’m the guy who’s described in Proverbs 18, verses two and thirteen. I’m the fool who “finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” and the shameful fool “who answers before listening” . I’ve had to learn the hard way that when I’ve been thrust into conversations with my kids where we don’t see eye-to-eye, it’s sometimes best to bite my tongue, shut my mouth, and open my ears. We have to remember that our kids are not yet adults. Therefore, we can expect a mix of developing and not-yet-there thinking ability tainted by immaturity, impulsivity, inconsistent logic, and a lack of the kind of wisdom that comes with age and experience. Speaking quickly to point out that they have no idea what they’re talking about, to tell them that they’re wrong, and to quickly pass on the right answer. . . well, all those approaches can actually stifle communication. Listen first. And when our kids know they’ve been heard and respected, they’ll be more prone to listen to us.
We all know that social media has fueled a trend known as looksmaxxing. This online movement encourages men and boys to live up to body-image and fashion standards through working out obsessively, spending on clothing, and even going so far as getting cosmetic surgery. It’s one more evidence of our culture’s obsession with finding our identity in outward appearance. In a strange effort to push back on looksmaxxing, a nineteen-year-old boy has gone onto tiktok and is posting videos under the name Trap Man and the hashtag looksminimizing. His videos show the results of working out only one trapezius muscle on his body, and nothing else, resulting in a massive left side and a more normal-sized right side. The pushback on looksmaxxing is needed. Perhaps the best way for us to do this is to remind our kids that while the culture tells us to place value on their outside, God looks on and desires the developments of our inside spiritual lives.
It’s been almost forty years since I tried to intervene in some decisions a group of teenage girls were making on a day off from school. I was a youth pastor at the time and my station wagon was one vehicle in a convoy of several that were driving a couple of hours away for a day of youth group skiing. Three of the girls in the way back seat were buried in their books. I asked,“Do you ladies have a test tomorrow?” “No, we just want to keep up so that we can get A’s in this class.” “Come on, let’s enjoy the day together,” I said. Sadly, those girls avoided the slopes, sitting in the lodge all day with their faces in their books. While studying is a good thing, these girls were obsessed by the pressure to finish at the top of their class. They were finding their identity in their school accomplishments and class rank. David Brooks writes: “Success in school is not the same thing as success in life.” Parents, teach your kids that success in life comes through glorifying God and enjoying Him forever.
I once heard it said that raising teens is like holding a wet bar of soap: too firm a grasp and it shoots from your hand: too loose a grasp, and it slides away. A gentle but firm grasp keeps it in your hand. One of the greatest gifts we can give to our kids is the gift of reasonable and loving boundaries. Boundaries help our kids to recognize right from wrong, to stay safe within the confines of God’s will and way, and to teach them the self-control that will serve them well as they take on responsibility for themselves for the rest of their lives. When your kids look back on their growing-up years, they will thank you that you took the time to teach them that there truly is right and wrong in a world that works so hard to teach them otherwise. But you must also remember that one of the greatest teaching tools is experience. As they grow older, hold them more loosely, allowing them to make mistakes and to learn by suffering the consequences of those mistakes. Remember, you are preparing them for life.
Eugenics is defined as the study of how to arrange reproduction within a human population to increase the inheritable characteristics regarded as desirable. Perhaps the most recognizable example from history is the horrific and deplorable work in eugenics performed by Hitler’s Nazi’s. These efforts were put into effect in order to create a master or aryan race, believing that entire groups of people should be eliminated because of their undesirable characteristics. I was thinking about how life for our kids in today’s social-media-driven world leads them into deep self-assessment that typically leaves them feeling as if they are somehow less than because they don’t look like those they’ve been led to believe are most desirable. Could it be that the use of filters and photo-shopping tools to alter their photos could actually be a kind of digital eugenics? Our kids need to realize that they are filled with the utmost value and worth, created by a loving God as individuals with unique dignity.
With so much of the news focusing on the decline of adolescent mental health, Charley Lock of the New York Times recently asked dozens of young people from across the United States to share, in their own words, what type of things they do to find happiness. The answers ran the gamut from watching jellyfish videos, to falling asleep while on the phone with a friend, to going fishing alone, to waking up during the night to turn on international soccer games. One of the answers that caught my eye was this: I listen to gospel music. This came from seventeen year-old Isaiah Gregory, who says, “When I feel weary or experience doubt, I listen to Gospel music. One of my favorite songs is “Deliver Me” by Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City singers.” Isaiah goes on to say, “I’ve experienced some mental-health issues, and gospel has helped to bring me back.” Thanks Isaiah, for reminding us all of the life-giving power of the message of new life in Jesus Christ.
Here’s a term that I just heard that all of us must be aware of: “surveillance capitalism”. The term and the practice is one that is especially prominent in our current online digital age. Simply stated, surveillance capitalism is about monitoring people’s online behavior, including that of our kids, in order to capture data about one’s preferences and habits in order to take that data and use it to target that person with carefully curated marketing and advertising, all in the name of getting that person to buy, buy, and buy some more. The data that’s collected is personal info, personal interests, the websites you visit, and your social preferences and lifestyle habits. Recently, Facebook was accused of tracking when adolescent girls deleted their selfies. Believing that these girls were emotionally vulnerable in that moment, Facebook then fed them a beauty ad. All marketing targets our hopes for redemption. Help your kids see that buying stuff doesn’t meet their need for Jesus.
The amount of change and questioning our kids face makes teenagers more vulnerable to stress than any other age group. Things that would never bother us as adults can be devastating to a teenager. The stuff we might write off can be monumentally difficult for them to handle or overcome. When you’ve seen a teenager stress out over a “wardrobe crisis,” mediocre test grade that has no bearing on eternity, or facial blemish. . . you have to wonder what might happen if they would ever face problems of a more severe and significant nature. We can’t forget that the adolescent years are a time of change, pressure, crisis, and even impulsive overreaction. While we might be tempted to simply say “get over it” (and there are times where that response might be justified!), it’s better to walk through the crisis with them and allow them to express themselves, all the while offering support and the benefit of a more mature perspective.
Remember the amount of time you spent looking in the mirror when you were going through your teenage years? We wondered what was happening, wondered where it was all going, and usually lamented the fact that we weren’t “shaping up” the way we thought we should. It’s still the same for today’s teens, but also very different. When they look in the mirror, they’re also looking over their shoulders at the images of the perfect people the media throws at them thousands of times a day – actors, actresses, supermodels, sports stars, and their photo-shopped peers on social media. Somewhere along the way, our kids believe the lie that if you want to be valuable, worthwhile, lovable, and acceptable then that’s what you’ve got to look like. By being loving, sensitive, and resistant to these pressures in your own life, you can serve as a buffer in the midst of a pressure-filled media and peer culture that relentlessly hammers your kid with these dangerous and impossible to achieve standards.
Pastor Seth Hedman is a millennial who has done something very un-millenial-like with technology and social media. He has led his family through a process of incrementally unplugging from technology and social media to focus more on their spiritual lives. In an article in a recent edition of Touchstone Magazine, Hedman reminds readers that social media and our smartphones are designed to grab our attention, thereby distracting us away from the things that matter most, like fostering our relationship with God and with each other. He writes, “Social media is inherently designed to capture and hold your attention in order to sell advertisements. Through carefully crafted feedback and reward mechanisms, social media is designed to trigger the same dopamine release and addictions as slot machines. . . You become what you give your attention to. Endless scrolling and streaming are filling us with darkness.” Let’s remember Hedman’s warning, and lead our kids into the light of the Gospel.
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, and their parents, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is that both parents and teens have concerns about teen mental health these days. Only twenty-three percent of teens reported being not too or not at all concerned about teen mental health, which means that seventy-seven percent of teens report being extremely, very, or somewhat concerned. For parents, the concern was more widespread, with almost nine out of ten parents being extremely, very, or somewhat concerned about teen mental health. Parents, there are ways in which you may know your teens even better than they know themselves. If you are concerned, ask questions, pay attention, eliminate unnecessary pressures, and where needed, secure the help of a qualified Christian counselor.
The headline of a recent New York Times article caught my eye. It reads, What Teenagers Are Saying About Cursing. This question was posed to teenagers: Is there too much cursing these days? How did the kids respond. Among other things, many of the kids surveyed said that cursing is an ever-present reality in today’s world, and it is problematic. Others wrote cursing off as being just the way people talk these days. Still others are concerned that the use of profanity was too widespread and commonplace, especially in the online world. One girl even said that what she calls “cursing culture” is everywhere. Parents, we need to raise up children and teens who heed Paul’s words to the Ephesians, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”
Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers’ experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is one that helps us to understand that the world has changed since we were kids, and that there are aspects of their lives that are foreign to us. When asked to list the one thing that they think most negatively impacts teen mental health, the top five things teens listed are these: twenty two percent said social media. At number two, was bullying, mentioned by seventeen percent. At number three was pressures and expectations, mentioned by sixteen percent. Coming in at four was general technology, at eight percent. And finally, only five percent mentioned school. It’s interesting that every one of these pressures is ramped up by spending time online. Doesn’t it make sense that we establish time limits for social media use?
All this week we’ve been looking at the powerful role Dads play in their teen’s lives. Our kids will mess up. For some, their poor decisions will result in consequences that last a long time. Others may enter into a rebellious period that leaves you hoping and praying that like the prodigal son, they’ll return home. It’s at these times when we need to realize that loving our kids, means being committed to our kids. Teens living in today’s culture face incredible pressures. Because they are sinful human beings, they will from time to time give in. We need to continue to love them when they mess up, are unreasonable, make mistakes, and don’t deserve it. Over the years I’ve come to appreciate the great advice given by Christian psychologist Dr. John White, who himself dealt with a rebellious son. His basic rule for parenting is is this: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.”
This week we’re discussing what teens need in a dad. When my son Josh was still in his preschool years, he opened my eyes to the power of my example. While riding together in the car I had to swerve and skid to avoid an accident. As we screeched to a halt and the other car went whizzing past us, Josh looked out his window in the direction of the other driver. While raising and shaking his fist, he yelled, “You Idiot!” It didn’t take long to realize where my mild-mannered little boy had learned such hostile behavior. Our kids become like us. They learn from our example. The things we do and say model who they are to become. The power of a dad’s example is captured in the old saying, “Like father, like son.” Dad, what kind of example are you providing for your kids? And, if you want your kids to grow up to be followers of Jesus Christ, are you doing the same?
This week we’re focusing on Fathers. Sadly, the experience of many teens indicates their fathers fail to listen. Research shows that mothers are far more likely than fathers to discuss problems and have close personal talks with their teenage children. As a result, both teenage boys and girls say they feel freer to go to their mothers, rather than their fathers, to “talk about anything,” to “talk openly,” “and to “tell her my problems.” When asked to choose the most likely option out of the four choices of mother, father, close male friend, or close female friend in response to the statement “This person and I always talk openly to each other,” only four percent of teenage sons and one percent of teenage daughters chose “father.” Teenagers want desperately to talk with their dads. Psychologist Paul Tournier wrote, “Every human being needs to express himself. Through lack of opportunity for it, one may become sick.”
This week we’re talking about fathers. In his book The Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers, Ken Canfield tells Dads that the first secret to fathering effectiveness is commitment. Commitment involves much more than claiming your child as your own. This commitment requires a conscious choice to be your child’s father, along with resolving to work for your child’s benefit. Fathers who choose not to commit are opening the door for someone or something else to raise their children. In today’s youth culture, there are a variety of fathering surrogates stepping in to assume the role of Dad. It could be social media, the school system, the government, or your daughter’s boyfriend. Consider these two facts: If you don’t choose to father your children, someone else will. Ask God to help you do those things a dad should do for his children. Your investment in your kids will pay great dividends.
This week I want to talk about fathers. Research indicates that tonight, 40% of America’s children and teens will go to bed in a home where their father does not live. Countless millions more will go to bed in a home where their father is physically present, but emotionally or spiritually detached. Father absence is a contributing factor to virtually every social problem and pressure facing our teenagers today. An absent dad invites the presence of pain. Substance abuse, peer pressure, premarital sexual activity, depression, and suicide are just a few of the issues that are more likely to be present in a teenager’s life if Dad is out of the picture. God has created us to live in families with both a mom and a dad. This Sunday, as you’re opening your father’s day gift, think long and hard about giving your kids the gift of a loving and involved dad.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’ve spent all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Today I want to share a strategy that can push back against social anxiety, which is one of the most prominent forms of anxiety we hear about in the youth population. While its essential that we all involve ourselves in Christian fellowship with other members of the body of Christ, it’s especially helpful for our kids to be assimilated into two specific groups. First, involvement in a caring Christian youth group community provides shelter from the pressures of the larger real-life peer group and the virtual peer group found on social media. And second, our kids need to be integrated into the larger body of Christ where they can interact with a variety of caring adults. Never underestimate the power of Christian community to foster healthy spiritual growth and development. Your kids were made for it.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Research is showing that one of the greatest catalysts for anxiety is immersion in social media. The use of technology has created an expectation that things should happen fast, in fact, immediately. When technology slows or we don’t get an immediate response we become anxious. Social media also sets up unrealistic standards for physical appearance and beauty. Consequently, kids and adults anxiously fabricate and curate images of self that aren’t even close to being honest. We become anxious if we can’t hit the standard. And, we fear being found out and seen for who we really are. Finally, when our kids have their faces constantly buried in their devices, they miss out on the flourishing that comes with living in the real world. Social media is not all bad. But too much leads to anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One of the best ways to prevent anxiety is to stop overscheduling your kids. Research on today’s culture points to the fact that our kids are so over-involved and feeling such incredible pressure to achieve at the highest levels in all of their activities, that they are crumbling under the pressure. One way to push back is to be sure that your kids are eating right, getting enough exercise, and sleeping nightly for the nine hours and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted sleep that’s necessary for healthy growth and development. In addition, we must recognize the fact that God made us for a rhythm of work and rest. This includes the need for a Sabbath. What would happen if we recovered the practice of taking one day a week to rest? I’m sure we would see a decline in anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One important step we can take is to teach our kids that the nature of living the Christian life is like running a race. The writer of Hebrews tells us to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. And, as we run and struggle and even stumble at times, we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the pioneer and perfector of our faith. In my own life, one of the greatest causes of anxiety is the tendency to take my eyes off of Christ and to place them onto the temporary matters of life that can consume my thoughts and energies. Instead, we are instructed to look away from these idols and focus our gaze straight ahead to the one who waits for us at the finish line. Teach your kids to keep from looking side to side in the comparison game that only leads to fear and anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to spend this week offering some strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today’s culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o’er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan’s thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o’er all forever reigns!”
In Ephesians 5, Paul tells us to look carefully about how we walk, “not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” With the summer months approaching and the kids soon getting out of school, we want to encourage you to work with your kids to get off their screens, get out of the house, and make the most of the time rather than wasting their time on foolish pursuits. Here are some suggestions. For those who are old enough, have them secure a summer job. All of our kids should be required to perform daily and weekly chores around the house. Have them engage in outside yard work. Help them look for opportunities to volunteer. If they are too old to participate in your churches vacation Bible School, have them volunteer as helpers. Guide them to develop a short list of books to read over the summer months. Encourage them to develop a daily exercise plan. Teach them how to get into the habit of having daily devotions. Encourage your kids to have a wise summer.
One of the questions we often hear from parents relates to the appropriate amount of screen time which they should allow for their kids. Generally speaking, research, surveys, and the observations of parents themselves indicate that our teens spend way too much time focused on their screens. This means that they are spending less time on what once were the normal activities of childhood, including things like outside play, socializing with friends, and spending time with family. Researchers in Sweden are reporting that kids ages twelve to sixteen who spend excessive time engaged with their screens experience multiple negative impacts on sleep, including decreased duration of sleep, decreased quality of sleep, delayed sleep until later hours, and greater incidence of depression. Let’s be responsible parents who set and enforce strict time limits on screen time so that they will get the amount and kind of sleep for which God has made them.
Recent research from Lifeway tells us that “the single greatest influence over spiritual health is regular Bible reading while growing up. Plainly put, the parents of young adults indicate that regular Bible reading as children yields the greatest influence over spiritual health.” Any of us who are Bible readers know this to be personally true, as the Holy Spirit works to change us, conforming us to the image of Christ as we read God’s Word. And what could serve as a better example to our children than our time spent reading and studying the Bible, along with the time we spend reading the Bible together as a family. As an adult, I realize now that my greatest and most treasured memories are not those of family vacations or other family activities. Yes, those are great memories, but they don’t hold the same value as those memories of habits and times that shaped my faith and who I am today. I’m grateful to my parents for their example as Bible readers who took God’s Word seriously.
Fentanyl is a powerful synthetic opioid drug that is approved by the FDA for use as a pain reliever and anesthetic. It is approximately one hundred times more potent than morphine, and fifty times more potent than heroin. It carries with it a high risk for addiction and dependence. When taken in high doses or when combined with other substances like alcohol or heroin, it is known to cause respiratory distress and death. Chances are, all of us know of a family that’s been impacted by fentanyl addiction and or overdose. These stories are alarming enough, but adding to our concerns over Fentanyl is the fact that fentanyl poisonings among teens ages thirteen to nineteen were up over fifteen-hundred percent. In 2023, forty-five percent of these poisonings were life-threatening, meaning that these kids could have died without treatment. Sixty-six percent of these occurred when kids were using the drug to get high. Parents, this is a drug use trend we need to notice and address.
I recently read an editorial piece written by Steve Rosenbaum of The Sustainable Media Center. The title of his piece caught my eye: “Snap, Shame, Repeat: Inside the New Adolescent Reality.” Rosenbaum writes these words: “Social media hasn’t just reshaped adolescence – it has reprogrammed it. And we are only now starting to realize how deep the damage goes.” He recounts reading a headline in The Guardian which he says stopped him in his tracks. The headline? “If there’s a problem with boys’ behavior, it’s because of us.” Rosenbaum goes on to say that the “us” are adults, the platforms, the regulators, the educators, the media architects, and the investors. These are the people and institutions which have built social media into the destructive force that it is. But I would add one more group to that list of problem-makers. It’s us, the parents. If we fail to see the dangers out there and then take steps to protect our kids, we have not lived up to our God-given parental responsibilities.
Those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ are called to bear each others burdens. We are to pray for each other. As friends, we are to love at all times and be there for others during their times of adversity. One thing I’ve learned as I’ve spent time with Christian kids is that so many of them battle with loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Even though they are followers of Christ, their adolescent struggles seem to be no different than the struggles faced by their non-believing peers. We are being told that the mental health crisis among our kids is reaching epidemic proportions, and almost two in five teens say they are not getting the support they need. Of course, those of us who are parents need to be more diligent in our efforts to nurture our kids in the faith and support them in any way we can. But there’s a role the larger body of Christ must play. You may not have teens of your own, but you can and must endeavor to support the kids in your church through your prayers and presence.
I was recently walking through a local retail establishment and passed a mother pushing her young son in a shopping cart. The boy, who I guessed to be either two or three years old, was not sitting up in the normal spot where kids sit, but down in the cart with a small amount of merchandise. As we passed, the little boy, sitting cross-legged, never looked up. Instead his eyes were focused on an ipad as he was continuously swiping at the screen with his fingers. A few seconds later, he loudly yelled, “Oh my!” And then a few seconds after that, he let out a loud “Kill him!” I have no idea what he was playing, but his focus never left the screen. What I do know is that this young and impressionable boy was getting an education of some sort that was not only shaping him now, but most likely for the rest of his life. It’s reasonable to assume that if this continued, he would soon be addicted to technology. Parents, exercise wisdom and protect your kids from digital harm.
Have you ever found yourself basing your mood and happiness on your teenagers mood and happiness? I’ve learned that that’s not a good thing to do. If you do, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. We’ve learned that even though we began our parenting adventure with a wonderfully written script. . . a script written by us that looked quite a bit like a Norman Rockwell painting. . . God had a different script for us to live. His script wasn’t 100% percent happy like ours. While it was a struggle for us, we learned that God gives us and our kids the opportunity to struggle through life so that we might grow and mature. If we were all to base our happiness on how well things were going with our kids. . . well, we’d all wind up spending time being miserable people. The Apostle Paul laid out a better way. . . in fact, it’s the right way. He writes in Romans 12: 12, “Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer.”
Most of us can remember those pit-in-the-stomach times we experienced as teenagers when we realized we had been left out. I remember a summer day in the neighborhood when I couldn’t find any of my friends at home. I couldn’t figure out why they were all gone until somebody spilled the beans later, telling me that they had all been invited to go to a home in another neighborhood to swim in the families’ pool. Truth be told, I felt like a loser. The journal Frontiers in Digital Health reports that for kids living in today’s social media world, the feelings I felt on that one summer day occur far more frequently, as our kids see visual and story content recounting activities and gatherings of friends from which they’ve been excluded. This ramps up feelings of exclusion, jealousy, and rejection. Researchers say this is feeding emotional stress and creating interpersonal conflict. Let’s use these moments to teach our kids to handle disappointment and conflict with the kindness and grace of Jesus Christ.
The story I’m about to share is not unique in today’s online digital world. USA Today recently reported on what happened to fourteen-year-old Elliston Berry in October 2023, when she received a text telling her that nude images of her were being passed around at her high school. A classmate had used artificial intelligence to create deepfake photos by putting a nude body on pictures of Berry that had been found on her Instagram account. The reality is that one in eight thirteen to seventeen year old teens know someone who has been victimized by photo-shopped deepfake nudes. One in seventeen kids say they have been personally victimized. Parents, since this technology is readily available, we need to warn our kids about the moral issues involved in not only creating and distributing pornography, but the way that digital sexual trafficking, which is clearly illegal, compromises and devalues the image of God in each of His unique human creations.
It is not enough to see our kids come to Jesus. Rather, our goal should be to lead them into walking with Jesus, both now and for the rest of their lives. Some three hundred and seventy five years ago, the Puritan pastor Jeremiah Burroughs wrote about what it means to walk with God. He wrote, "Walking with God is when we make God's will the rule of our will. The soul does what God does. What's the way of God but the way of holiness and righteousness, when the soul makes the will of God to be its own rule? I will not act on my own will. I will not act on anything but the will of God. What is it that God wills? Then I will the same thing. The soul walks the way God walks when it suits itself with God, when it sets the Lord as an example before it. This is to walk with God: to do as God does, to imitate God." Parents, God has willed that you be the one to nurture your children in the faith. You do so through your words and your actions. And there’s not substitute for the example of your walk with God.
Parenting in today’s world can be difficult and exhausting. One of the go-to’s for parents seeking rest and reprieve is to redirect our kids away from making demands on us and our time by putting a screen in their hands or setting them down in front of the TV. Because Christian parents are to live counter-cultural lives where we focus on raising our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, allowing the cultural narrative to entertain and educate our kids is not a good choice. In addition, experts tell us that too much screen time delays and even derails healthy cognitive development, feeds anxiety and depression, and disrupts sleep. A recent Harris Poll has found that sixty percent of parents admit to allowing their children to use technology before they could read. Seeing what this has done too their kids, seventy-three percent believe their kids need a technology detox. Parents, limit screen time, monitor their use, and don’t put screens into the hands of young children.
In a recent article from the folks at Lifeway, I was reminded of the importance of training our kids to use physical paper Bibles rather than depending on our smartphones and other screens. We do know that when we read on a screen, we read differently than we do on the printed page. Screen-reading does not facilitate the kind of line-by-line deep reading that occurs on the printed page. In the article, Tim Pollard from Lifeway offers up some helpful reasons for using a paper Bible. He says it makes the Bible physical and tangible. It minimizes distractions. The text is prevented from changing. A paper Bible doesn’t run out of battery. It reinforces the sanctity of the Scriptures. Memory is enhanced. Readers can see how the canon of Scripture is organized and how the books of the Bible are structured, which provides context for what we are reading. In addition, it facilitates focus and note-taking. Here at CPYU we encourage you and your kids to use a physical, ink-on-paper Bible!
The moment I turned sixteen years-old, my top priority in life was to get my driver’s license. Armed with my brand new learner’s permit, I couldn’t get enough practice time in on the road. And when I passed my driver’s test on the first try, there was a feeling of freedom and liberation I experienced that I look back on as a major rite of passage. As I think back, I don’t remember one high school peer who didn’t think as I did, and we all were eager to get that signifier of being one-step closer to full-fledged adulthood. But something’s changed. Researchers tell us that almost forty percent of teens delay getting their license by one or two years, and thirty percent are delaying by more than two years. What’s driving this shift? (No pun intended!). Today’s kids say they’re overscheduled and too busy, they are staying home and socializing online, and some are too depressed and anxious to drive. If your kids are holding off for any of these reasons, take steps to ease the unwarranted pressures which they find paralyzing.
In the past, you’ve heard me talk about the epidemic of body dysmorphia which is spreading like wildfire thanks to social media. Body dysmorphia is defined as a mental disorder marked by an overwhelming and all-consuming preoccupation with a perceived flaw in one’s appearance. One new subset is what’s called muscle dysmorphia, a belief that one’s body is too small, too skinny, and not muscular enough. This has also been called bigorexia, megarexia, and reverse anorexia. Mental health and medical experts are now warning that this is the latest eating disorder affecting our teens, as more and more teenagers, particularly our boys, are struggling with bigorexia. Much of this is being fueled by the presence of social media and the comparison it fosters, while promoting muscularity as a measure of one’s value. We must help our kids understand that their identity is not to be found in what they look like. Rather, it’s the value they already have in God’s eyes that counts.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: Our teenagers were made to be in a relationship with God. Because our rebellion has severed our relationship with God, there remains a deep yearning inside each human being to have that relationship restored. Blaise Pascal described this universal hole in the soul as a god-shaped vacume. Teenagers are no different than anyone else. Their great need is to have this God-shaped emptiness filled by God. If you listen and look closely, you’ll see and hear that their music, films, books, magazines, and very lives are crying out for spiritual wholeness. Each of us can look directly in the eyes of the teenagers we know and love and be certain that this is their reality. Each one hungers for heaven. Parents, this should spur us on to constantly and consciously serve as signposts, pointing kids to the cross and their true home.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: Any kid, anywhere, anytime. Sadly, there’s an assumption flying around that Christian kids are somehow immune from being vulnerable to the growing tide of negative influences in today’s rapidly changing culture. Many of us have bought the lie that “those things don’t happen in Christian families,” or “to Christian kids.” Believing this lie can lull us to sleep, keeping us from realistically recognizing and addressing the pressures that all kids face in today’s world. A variety of factors are combining to make the voices of the world far more compelling and attractive to kids. It doesn’t matter where they live, who they live with, or what kind of school they go to. Any kid, anywhere, can be influenced by any of the negative and dangerous aspects of our culture at any time. No church, school, family, or child is immune.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: there are no perfect parents or kids. The Bible teaches us that sin is present in every human heart. At the root of problems in our families and homes is the sinful and selfish nature of children and their parents. At our house, there have been far too many times to even count where we’ve fought, bickered, argued, gotten irritated, and lacked patience. Parents who hope and expect to raise perfect kids and have a perfect family are biblically unrealistic. To embrace such expectations only burdens us and our children with the sense of failure that accompanies the albatross of not being able to measure up. We must never forget that we are all imperfect and finite beings who are touched by sin and incapable of perfection. While we should never minimize or overlook sin, we must realize that perfection won’t ever visit our parenting, our children, or our homes.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: being a parent isn’t always easy. No matter how much time and effort we put into preparing for parenthood, there will always be unexpected surprises. Raising and relating to children is difficult for everyone, and it tends to become more so as children reach the teen years. Each of us will experience a different set of highs and lows, jolts and joys, thrills and spills. If you are struggling as a parent, rest assured that you are not alone. You, me, and all other parents stand together. The reality is that it’s not easy. But we can approach our parenting as a glorious challenge and opportunity. Dr. Paul Tripp reminds us, “the teen years are often cataclysmic years of conflict, struggle, and grief. They are years of new temptations, of trial and testing. Yet these very struggles, conflicts, trials and tests are what produce such wonderful parental opportunities.”
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: being a parent isn’t always easy. No matter how much time and effort we put into preparing for parenthood, there will always be unexpected surprises. Raising and relating to children is difficult for everyone, and it tends to become more so as children reach the teen years. Each of us will experience a different set of highs and lows, jolts and joys, thrills and spills. If you are struggling as a parent, rest assured that you are not alone. You, me, and all other parents stand together. The reality is that it’s not easy. But we can approach our parenting as a glorious challenge and opportunity. Dr. Paul Tripp reminds us, “the teen years are often cataclysmic years of conflict, struggle, and grief. They are years of new temptations, of trial and testing. Yet these very struggles, conflicts, trials and tests are what produce such wonderful parental opportunities.”
Sometimes the circumstances in our own lives and the stresses of raising and living with teens in today’s rapidly changing culture can become overwhelming, paralyzing, and detrimental to our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. When that happens, we’re not doing anyone any favors if we continue to spiral down out of control. If our normal support systems aren’t enough to carry us through, then it’s time to seek some outside help. . . maybe even some professional counseling. One or two sessions with a trained and competent Christian counselor may be enough to provide you with the guidance and support you need to get back on the right course. Perhaps long-term counseling is needed. Ask your pastor or a trusted friend to recommend a Christian counselor. Going to counseling isn’t an admission that you’re weak. A counselor can offer an unbiased perspective, and give you guidance that will lead to wholeness and healing.
The dictionary defines the word gore as blood that has been shed, especially as a result of violence. Keep that definition in mind as you think about the fact that the attorney general of South Carolina, Alan Wilson, recently issued a warning to parents regarding online groups which are issuing invitations to our children and teens to create and share gorey videos online. One such group is known as the 764 organization, which is a decentralized online network of individuals who approach vulnerable kids, encouraging them to record acts of self-harm, cruelty to animals, child sexual abuse, bestiality, and even suicide. The attorney general says that these groups encourage and even threaten kids through online video games and chatrooms to become the victims themselves, and to victimize others. Parents, this gore trend offers one more reason to keep your kids safe by limiting their screen and online time. God calls us to protect our kids from harm, and to provide for their well-being.
If you’ve ever found yourself alone in a foreign country where you can’t understand or speak the language, you’ve got some sense of what it’s like to enter into today’s teenage world where slang words make up so much of the conversation. Today, I want to do you a little service by passing on some of today’s latest and most popular slang common among the teen population. If you ask someone to “spill the tea,” you’re asking them to share some gossip. Someone or something that is “sus” is suspicious, shady, and not to be trusted. To “throw shade” is what “dissing” used to be, and it means to disrespect or trash-talk about someone. If someone talks about their “body count” they are speaking about the number of people they’ve slept with. To “smash” is to engage in casual sex. If something is “no cap” it means it’s totally true and not a lie. It’s hard to keep up with, I know. As adults, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb if you use the slang, but it is good to be in the know!
The Genesis creation narrative tells us that after creating humankind both male and female in His own image, God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” This creation mandate reveals God’s intentions for His image-bearers. New research conducted by the Pew Research Center indicates that for today’s teenagers ages thirteen to seventeen, getting married and having kids is not a top priority. In fact, eighty-six percent of the respondents say that it’s extremely or very important for them to have a job or career they enjoy and which brings financial success when they reach adulthood. Only thirty-six percent said that they cared about getting married, and just thirty percent say it’s important to have children. With the cultural tide moving in this direction, perhaps we need to do a better job of teaching about God’s heart and design for the family, teaching them that having and raising children is a high privilege and high calling!
With so many people watching and talking about the Netflix four-part drama series, Adolescence, one of the issues raised by the series is what is called incel culture. Incel, spelled i-n-c-e-l, stands for involuntary celibate. In the show, parents and adults working to understand what’s behind the murder committed by thirteen-year-old Jamie Miller partially attribute his actions to incel culture. As he is bullied online by both male and female peers, Jamie describes himself as ugly, and is grappling with the fact that he is destined for a life without a girlfriend and will likely remain a virgin. Because this not what he desires, he sees himself as an incel, and the moniker is used negatively by others as a way to bully him. Jamie himself is radicalized by the online incel culture which propagates hatred, misogyny, and self-pity. Parents, you need to know that these things exist in the unseen underbelly of youth culture, and we need to answer all these matters with the truths of the Gospel.
One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is basing our happiness and emotional well-being on our kids’ happiness and emotional well-being. When we do this, we’re just setting ourselves up for disappointment. We’ve learned that even though we began our parenting adventure with a wonderfully written script that included no difficulties, bumps, or bruises, God had a different script for us to live. His script wasn’t 100% percent happy like ours. While it was difficult for us, we learned that God gives us and our kids the opportunity to struggle through life so that we might grow and mature. If we were all to base our happiness on how well things were going with our kids. . . well, we’d all wind up spending time being miserable people. The Apostle Paul laid out a better way. . . in fact, it’s the right way. He writes in Romans 12, “Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer”
Listen to these words from detransitioner Laura Perry Smalts in a recent Salvo Magazine article: “If I had known in 2007 that God’s creation of male and female was not only good but impossible to alter, I would have saved myself a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. At the time, I would have repeated the typical cultural catchphrase that I was born this way. I believed I was a man trapped in a woman’s body and that the only way I could be myself was to transition from female to male.” Laura Perry Smalts goes on to tell her story of transition, and how she came to the realization that she had been wrong, leading to a detransition. Her words are so helpful: “God said to me, “You cannot love me and yet reject my creation. Then I heard him say, Let me tell you who you are. In that moment, my whole idea of identity shifted from what I wanted to be, to who wanting to know who I was created to be.” Thank you Laura Perry Smalts, for reminding us of where to find our identity!
Fifty years ago there was little or no knowledge among teenagers about eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. In today’s image-obsessed and social-media saturated world, the great majority of our kids not only stress over their appearance, but many are struggling with body dysmorphia, which is defined as a mental health condition in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. New data from a study of thirty-nine-thousand adolescents ages fourteen to eighteen reports that the dominant factor raising the risk of self-harm, including suicide, is one’s perception regarding their weight. Our kids are being hammered by a constant diet of marketing images and social media posts which leave them feeling inadequate and less than. As Christian parents, we must affirm their standing as loved divine-image bearers, emphasizing the fact that God looks on the inside, not the outside. Our identity is not to be found in appearance.
Biola University theology professor Thaddeus J. Williams has written a great book on living in today’s culture titled, “Don’t Follow Your Heart: Boldly Breaking The Ten Commandments of Self-Worship.” Williams enlightens readers, young and old, on how to identify the cultural lies we so easily believe, all of which are cultural lies that point us in the direction of worshipping and serving ourselves, rather than worshipping and serving God. Share these timely words from Williams with your kids: “ The more you worship yourself, the less you become your self. You become a shadow, a specter, and unself. The longer and deeper you stare into the mirror, looking for answers, the more it will feel like looking at Edvard Munch’s “the Scream.” This is the strange paradox of self-worship. Why? It’s simple. You were not designed to be the center point of your own psyche. You are not God. Self-deification is a bust.” Teach your children that have been made to worship God.
I remember one of the great heartaches of my own adolescent years was a battle with face acne. I was raised in family where time and regular face-washing was seen as the remedy to something I dreamed I would one day grow out of. In today’s social-media-fueled image and appearance conscious world, teenagers have a host of preventive and treatment options at their fingertips. I recently discovered one of those remedies while making small talk with a twenty-something ticket agent at an airport. I asked her about the bright blue star sticker she displayed prominently on her cheek. “Oh!” she said without hesitation. “That’s a pimple patch!” Chances are you’ll see more of these medicated decorative accessories. Now you know what they are! Bear with me here when I suggest these patches offer us a teachable moment. From a theological perspective, we can reference these as remedies to deal with the effects of human sin and brokenness that appear even on our skin.
If they would be honest with us, our kids would tell us that their feelings and emotions serve far too often as their guide for life. Not surprisingly, today’s culture encourages this kind of feeling-driven living. To be honest, being driven by feelings and emotions is not just an issue for our kids. What a shame it would be if history remembered our generation of Christian parents as people who didn’t do anything to help their kids listen to God instead of their windblown emotions. Feelings should never eclipse God’s truth. We must walk our teens through the Scriptures to show them examples of people who allowed their emotions to eclipse the truth, and then suffered the consequences. This includes people like David with Bathsheba, Lot’s wife, and Ananias and Sapphira. One way that we can help our kids see the dangers of feelings is by walking them through the stories of our own lives by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding the feelings-based and truth-based choices we’ve made.
The title of a recent article in Atlantic magazine caught my eye. It reads, “the elite college students who can't read books to read a book in college it helps to have read a book in high school.” In the article, Rose Horowitch writes that many students no longer arrive at college, even at highly selective elite colleges, prepared to read books. In her research she found that it's not that students don't want to do the reading. It's that they don't know how. Middle and high schools have stopped asking them to. She writes that in 1976 about 40% of high school seniors said they had read at least six books for fun in the previous year, compared with 11.5% who hadn't read any. By 2022, those percentages had flipped. It's reasonable to assume that one reason for the decline in reading and reading aptitude is the smartphone. One maxim that I heard years ago is this, readers are leaders and leaders are readers. Parents, we encourage you to get your kids to put down the phones and pick up a book.
I often find that when I’m with a group of parents teaching them about today’s youth culture, many wonder if their kids have any interest at all in talking about the Christian Faith, the Bible, and Jesus Christ. There’s a commonly held belief that with all the attractive things the world has to offer, kids just don’t want to have anything to do with conversations about God. But because we know that all of these other distractions offered by the world can never fulfill one’s created purpose to know God, our kids are left feeling empty. I often say that a youth culture landscape littered with brokenness is a landscape ripe for the Gospel. New research from the Barna group should be encouraging to parents who want to see their kids come to know and serve Jesus Christ. In fact, seventy-seven percent of teens are to open to having conversations about God. Should we be surprised? A child’s spiritual hunger will continue to grow if they are not filled by experiencing new life in Jesus Christ!
I remember being a young kid and singing these words in church: "Are you weak and heavy-laden? Burdened with a load of care?" As parents, there have been times when all of us have had to honestly answer "Yes". At other times, the "Yes" comes from dear friends who are locked into periods of unimaginable burden-bearing. Difficulty is to be expected as we are all sinners living in a broken world. If you take the time to read Hebrews 12 you will find words on sonship and the Lord's discipline. God disciplines those He loves. We are reminded that while we may be feeling crushed by the weight of our present burdens, God is present and at work. Remember the words of Hebrews 12:11 - "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Parents, remember that while you are parenting your children, God is parenting and forming you, especially during the hard times.
With loneliness off the charts for kids in today's world, we can reasonably conclude that more time looking at screens means less time with others. In her new book “the extinction of experience: being human in a disembodied world”, Christine Rosen writes, “A decade ago, a book about how technology is changing us would offer solutions for a more balanced relationship with our devices, such as take a digital Sabbath, avoid multitasking, and put those phones away at the dinner table! These are no longer enough.” Rosen suggests an Amish approach to technology, where we work to cultivate a robust skepticism about each new device and app, even if most of us will not be as strict as the Amish in rejecting them. She writes, “The Amish asked the right questions before embracing something new: how will this impact our community? Is it good for families? Does it support or undermine our values?” Parents, Are you asking these questions as you think about the role technology will play in your family?
Do you remember your own middle school years? For most of us, it seemed brutal. Some things never change. Young peers can create, find, and point out all kinds of negative things in ways that are now sometimes defined as “bullying” or “harassment.” But if your home is place of refuge from that craziness, you will be instilling a healthy sense of resiliency that can sustain your kids through the pressure. One way to do this is to take the opposite approach of their peers. . . who are all too quick to point out and celebrate deficiencies. Look for and encourage your teen to develop their God-given gifts and abilities. Complement them on their successes. Point out their strengths. We need to be parents who are encouragers rather than discouragers. And, as we encourage our kids to develop their gifts, remind them of the importance of excellence. Exercising and developing one’s gifts and abilities is ultimately an act of worship. See and celebrate the uniqueness God has placed in your kids.
Over the years, teen culture has seen many slang terms come and go as negative references to girls who it is assumed promiscuously sleep around. Now, there’s a new derogatory term that’s being used to bully and shame someone for engaging in allegedly promiscuous behavior. The term is “lala-bop”, or simply “bop.”. It originated in a 2021 sexually explicit song from rapper Almighty Rexxo. Social media bullies will use the term on TikTok and X as a way to label and demean girls, accusing them of sleeping around and being passed from guy to guy. The trend has become so common that schools are now taking steps to inform parents of the trend. In years past this trend has also been termed “slut-shaming.” We all know that our girls can be especially unkind to each other, especially during the middle school years. We would do well to warn our kids that this is not a behavior they should engage in, nor should they bully others. Instead, they are to treat each other with Christ-like kindness.
A recent article in the first things journal, parents can't fight porn alone, tells the story of a 19 year old girl named Maddie and how she got wrapped up in a pornography addiction. Maddie grew up in a faith-based home and she had parents who were constantly paying attention to the dangers of technology, while monitoring where Maddie was spending her time. Her parents had put filters on her devices and they asked her to hand in her phone every night. Still, Maddie found pornography for the first time on her social media feed when she was only 13 years old. Curious about what she saw, she continued to dig further into the world of porn and learned how to bypass the parental controls her parents had put on the phone. This led to an addiction that lasted five years. Why did Maddie tell her story to first things? She wants parents to wake up and understand that kids are seeing porn on their phones all the time. Parents are you taking steps to monitor your children and warn them about porn?
In her helpful book, Teens and Suicide, Recognizing the Signs and Sharing Hope, Christian counselor Julie Lowe lists ten reasons we should give our teens for why life is worth living. They are ten messages rooted in the Gospel that each of us need to hear on a regular basis. What are they? You are not alone. You have value. You are greatly loved. You can find help. Your life has purpose. You will not always feel this way. There is a good way forward, even when life is hard. You are more than your outward appearance. God is up to good in your life. And finally, you will not be put to shame. Julie tells us that we want to help our kids see that the Bible speaks of far more than correction and rules. The bible speaks of life, freedom, and personal relationship with a God who knows what is going on in their lives. We must winsomely and convincingly speak these truths into the lives and experiences of our children and teens. Fill their wells with the Good News about Jesus Christ and His love.
I recently logged onto the replica.com website and was greeted by a smiling AI created female face, and an invitation to create my own personal AI friend. The opening screen asked me if I was a woman, a man, or a non-binary person. Answering these questions is the first step on the journey to have Replika create a virtual chatbot friend. Users who remain on the free version of the platform can create a virtual friend, while those who opt to pay a subscription fee are offered a partner, spouse, sibling, or mentor. Sixty percent of the paid subscribers report having a romantic relationship with the chatbot. There are many reasons for us to not only know about these chatbot relationships, but to be concerned. With loneliness, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues on the rise, more and more of our kids have been and will be opting into these virtual relationships. This reminds us of our need to point kids to a relationship with Jesus, and real human relationships with friends and family.
Parents, today I want to encourage you to take an active interest in those things that interest your children and teens. This is an easy one if you and your teen share the same interests. But what happens if you’re a left-brained parent raising a right-brained kid? We once heard a parent complain that his son didn’t share his love for canoeing. Consequently, he didn’t think there’d ever be anything he could do with his son. Sadly, it never crossed the frustrated father’s mind that he could enter into his son’s world and life by pursuing one of his son’s interests. Maybe we should all think about putting some of our own interests aside for a few years, so that we have more time to pursue the interests of our kids with our kids. Taking an interest in their interests not only allows us to spend much-needed time with our kids, but opens up opportunities to communicate, builds our relationship, and lets us discover and celebrate their gifts and abilities. Take an interest in their interests!
I recently read an interesting article about teenagers in central florida who have become interested in bird-watching. Now if you’re like me, you have never assumed that bird-watching would become a hobby growing in popularity among teenagers. But it appears that for this group of kids, taking walks outside during the Covid epidemic had them paying more attention to the world of nature, with many of them accumulating notes and photos on the birds they were seeing. This sounds to me like a positive outcome from Covid, as kids were spending less time inside with their eyes focused on screens, and more time outside looking at the created order. Perhaps all of us need to provide opportunities for our kids to get outside to see and understand what Psalm nineteen one tells us: “that the heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the works of his hands.” God’s glory is all around us, screaming the reality of His presence, mercy, and love. Let’s encourage our kids to see it!
“What has Jane Fonda done to her face?” Someone asked that question on social media after the eighty-seven year old actress was featured prominently in photos and videos from the screen actors guild award show. Fonda did not look like your average almost ninety year old woman. She was one of many high profile celebrities who have had cosmetic surgery of a variety of types in an effort to thwart the effects of time on the human body in order to maintain an appearance of youthfulness. Have you noticed the growing number of people who appear, as they say, to look like they’ve had work done? This trend will only continue as we seek to find our identity not in who we are in terms of our inward character, but in outward appearance. Reports show that more and more teens are opting for non-surgical and surgical cosmetic procedures. Friends, if we are to be new creations, as Paul says in second Corinthians, it is only through being born again through faith in Jesus Christ.
In today’s world, generally speaking, the exorbitant amount of time and money spent on wedding preparations are not funneled into getting a couple ready for everything that comes after the ceremony and reception, but rather on things that are what might be called “showy”, like rings, dresses, flowers, food, photos, bands, etc. The trend seems to be to spend everything on the day, rather than the lifetime that follows.
This cultural trend is one that needs to be reersed. In a social media saturated world where we see ourselves as performers and function as such, even marriages have paid a steep price. And, if this is what our kids grow up believing a marriage really is, then we’ve done them a huge dis-service as we’ve nurtured them into either a rude awakening for which they are not prepared, or even marital failure. Parents, youth workers, and pastors, we need to do better. Teach your children about God’s design for marriage, conflict-resolution, and life-time commitment.
What happens when a group of teenagers go without their smartphones for four weeks? Journalist Decca Aitkenhead found out when she devised an experiment to ban her two sons and eight of their friends from using their phones for four weeks. Initially, as you might imagine, there were protests. “You’ve got to joking” said fourteen year old Jake. But after the four weeks of allowing only one hour a day on a smartphone and the other twenty-three hours on a call and text only Light Phone, you need to hear what the kids had to say. One of the teens said, “Thank you so much for including me in this. It was way better than I expected it. I’m really glad I did it.” Another 14-year -old, admitting that he struggled at first, said, “But then, you begin to notice things. You start to see what’s going on on your smartphone doesn’t matter. You’ll never say on your deathbed, I wish I’d spent more time on my phone.” Parents, why not arrange a smartphone sabbath for your kids?
As a father and now grandfather, I often think about the wise words of instruction found in Proverbs twenty-two, six. “Train up a child in the way he should go; and even when he is old he will no depart from it.” Training our children is not a once and done task. Rather, it is an ongoing project that in many ways lasts a lifetime. Neither is the training we are called to only verbal in nature. While the verbal instruction is necessary, equally necessary is the example we pass on to our kids. Let me share with you some great wisdom from the Puritans on the power of example. John Boys writes, “If both horse and mare trot, the colt will not amble.” Consider these words from Thomas Brooks: “Example is the most powerful rhetoric.” If we are to raise and train our children to follow the Lord, we must be eagerly following Him with every ounce of our lives. Remember, Jesus has called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. A heritage of faith is the most valuable inheritance we can pass on to our kids.
A couple of years I heard some very challenging words from the parents of a ten-year-old girl. They were part of a roomful of parents attending a seminar where I was speaking about kids, technology, and social media. At the end of the evening I asked if anyone had any questions. The young father raised his hand and said this. “A year ago we got our ten-year-old daughter a smartphone thinking that we were being good parents by protecting her from danger. But we have realized that we weren’t protecting her from danger, but actually putting a greater danger in her hands.” The parents were now thinking about how to pull back and remove the device that had very quickly become a time-consuming distraction and addiction. I’m sharing this father’s words with you for you to think about as you consider if and when you will put a smartphone in the hands of your child. Proverbs 27:12 tells us, “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”
While on a recent speaking trip down south, I got up early on a Saturday morning and walked to the only restaurant open for breakfast at that time in the morning. I was greeted by the teenage clerk with a loud and hearty “Welcome!”, something you don’t hear much at five am from anyone anywhere. A few pleasantries were exchanged with him and I ordered my food. Thinking I was going to pay with a card, he pointed down to the terminal where I was being asked about adding a tip. “Oh, I’m paying with cash,” I said. I handed him a ten dollar bill and said, “Keep the rest for you and your crew.” He was overjoyed. Oops. I then realized that I hadn’t given him a ten, but a twenty! There was no back-pedaling on my part. He called the entire crew out and they thanked me effusively for the two hundred percent tip! Their joy gave me joy, and I was reminded that all work matters to God. There is no such thing as menial work, and we must value everyone, regardless of their job or status.
Have you heard about the social media fueled appearance trend known as “looksmaxxing”? That’s spelled l-o-o-k-s-m-a-x-x-i-n-g. The term originated in online communities centered around what’s known as the involuntary celibate, or “incil” for short, cohort of young males. Incels would like to be in romantic and sexual relationships, but they blame women for their celibate status, primarily caused by the fact that women don’t find them attractive. So they engage in looksmaxxing, which is the process of maximizing their own physical attractiveness. Softmaxxing efforts include hair care, skin care, diet, and exercise. Hardmaxxing involves more radical interventions like plastic surgery. Parents, appearance pressure is real. Help your kids understand that nobody can meet these narrow and unrealistic standards, and that they must rest their identity in who they are as adopted sons and daughters of God. God is a God who looks on the heart, not on the outward appearance.
As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of and sensitive to electronic addiction in all of its forms. We must understand its threat, presence and impact. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing both ourselves and our children to understand, process and live with electronic media in ways that bring honor and glory to God. UK communications regulation firm Ofcom says that we might not be doing a very good job in preventing electronic addiction. Their data shows that among five to seven year olds, sixty five percent are making voice or video calls, fifty percent are watching livestream apps and sites, forty one percent are gaming online, and thirty eight percent are using social media apps or sites. Parents, our habits are formative. Good habits form us, and bad habits deform us. Lead your kids into God’s Word and World, rather than into electronic addiction.
All truth is God's truth, and sometimes that truth comes across in places where we don't expect it. In a recent cover story in Elle magazine, actress Demi Moore talked about the struggle she's had with her body image. This is a struggle that's shared by all of our girls who are growing up in a social media saturated world where standards of beauty are put before them 24/7 through the images they see on their screens. Seeing all these images, most girls feel like they don't measure up and never will. Moore told Elle magazine, “I changed my body multiple times through different roles and I think I chose those roles whether it was conscious or not for the very opportunity to find some peace and self love. And when I did find that, it was only by really surrendering and letting go of what the outside was going to look like.” Parents, we need to instill in our daughters the truth of God's word, That their value and worth comes through the fact that they are divine image bearers who are to find their identity in him.
I’ve had numerous conversations over the years with parents who have received troubling phone calls where they are given bad news about a child. Some parents have told me that after a few of these calls, they become like Pavlov’s dog, being triggered into anxiety and fear by the ring of the phone, even though there’s no reason to believe that the caller is calling with more bad news. Mental health professionals are now reporting on a similar trend among young people that’s been labeled “telephobia”, which is a fear of phone calls sparked by social anxiety. Counselor Stephanie Wiijkstrom explains it this way: “In our digital age, texting and online messaging serve as our primary modes of communication, and we often feel less vulnerable and more comfortable than in a live conversation or phone call.” Parents, this is a consequence of our digital age, and we need to reverse this by involving our kids in verbal interactions and conversations with others from the time their born.
There’s a concerning new trend among the emerging generations that offers up evidence of their deep search for meaning and purpose in life. It’s known as “shifting”, and it encompasses efforts by young people to escape their earthly presence and reality by transporting their consciousness into alternate realities. Reports from those who track with the trend online tell us that some want to escape into the world of Hogwarts or the Marvel Universe. Practitioners will oftentimes lie on the ground counting backwards while they visualize a desired reality, hoping to transport themselves into that world as an escape from the difficulties of this world. We need to be aware of this trend which not only fosters a desire to escape from the embodied reality we’ve been given by God, but is a supernatural foothold for the enemy to exploit. What shifters are ultimately searching for is a relationship with God, which should motivate us all the more to point them to Jesus.
The latest report from the Pew Research Center not only helps us understand where our teens ages thirteen to seventeen are spending time online, but should light a fire under us to exercise diligence and regularity about helping our teens practice what we call digital discipleship. It’s not surprising that YouTube is hands down the most used online platforms for kids, with nine out of ten saying they use the site. Seventy three percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds say they visit YouTube daily. Six in ten say they visit the TikTok video site daily. With our kids consuming so much video content on a daily basis, we need to teach them to use wisdom and discernment regarding what they see, along with limiting the amount of time they spend scrolling through videos. Ask them about what they are seeing. Ask them to share what they see with you. And train them to embrace content that furthers their faith, while avoiding that which is not good, true, and honorable.
Late last month, an article appeared on the USA Today website under the headline, “These teenage boys were blackmailed online- and it cost them their lives.” Above the headline was a collage of photos of smiling, happy teens, each of whom had died by suicide after getting caught up in an online trap called financial sextortion. It’s a cybercrime that occurs when an online predator cultivates a friendly relationship with an unknowing young person who grows to trust the interactions, thinking that this person is a friend. Eventually the predator engages in sexually explicit conversation with the victim or convinces the victim to send a nude photograph. Immediately, the victim is threatened with exposure or jail time unless they send a large amount of money, sending message upon message stating such, which leads the victim to panic, which leads many to see no way out but suicide. Parents, the message here is clear: warn your kids to never engage online with someone they don’t know.
Today, I want to take a minute to offer some encouragement to parents who are enduring difficult times with their kids. If you’re currently struggling as a parent, you are not alone. All of us are broken people raising broken kids. But there’s another way in which you are not alone. The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm fifty-five of God’s never-ending presence and faithfulness, even when it seems like he’s not there. We read, “I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Parents, when God seems silent, His work in your life is moving forward in powerful ways. Don’t decide to be fooled by what seems like silence. God is always at work for His glory and our good. So even though the burden is heavy today, be encouraged.
“We did it, and we turned out ok.” Perhaps you’ve heard that line of reasoning from other parents regarding today’s teens and marijuana use. In fact, a government survey indicates that since 2015, the number of parents who believe there is a risk of harm from using marijuana has dropped, from just over thirty percent of parents, to just over twenty percent today. But researchers and medical professionals will tell you that we should actually be more concerned about the risks from marijuana use, as the impact of smoking today’s marijuana is actually greater on the developing and vulnerable brains of our kids. Experts report that in the 1960’s, the THC content of marijuana was two to three percent. Today, it is twenty percent or more, making it ten times more potent. Doctors are seeing increased psychotic events attributed to this increased potency. Parents, monitor your kids, and don’t approve of the use of marijuana or any other substances kids are choosing to abuse.
As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to develop the skill of knowing, understanding, and applying the truths of God’s Word to all of life, so that we might distinguish truth from error, wisdom from foolishness, and right from wrong. And, as we develop discernment, we must also guide our impressionable young children and teens into doing the same, teaching them a skill which is desperately needed in a world where the winds of culture are furiously blowing our kids around in ways that so easily lead to shipwreck. The Psalmist prays these words: “Teach me good judgment and knowledge, for I believe in your commandments”. Parents, look for and use the teachable moments everyday life brings to practice biblical discernment with your kids. When they become teenagers, we need to respect their developing cognitive abilities by thinking with them, so that we are preparing them for a lifetime of thinking with biblical discernment for themselves.
One of the best guides for how to pray for our kids is the parable of the sower, which can be found in Mark four. As Jesus is teaching about the power of Gospel to transform lives, he uses this well-known agricultural parable to explain the different responses people have to the Gospel, based on the condition of their heart. You see, just as good soil is needed for a seed to take root and grow, so it is with our hearts. As we think about our children and teens, we must be praying that their hearts would be like good soil, softened and prepared in ways that will receive the seed of the Gospel, which in turn will result in the spiritual fruit that marks a regenerate life. And while we are to trust in God’s Spirit to do the work of faith in our kids, we have been given the parental responsibility to nurture our kids in the truths of God’s Word so that the soil is ready to receive and grow the seed. Pray for your kids, that their hearts would be soft, rather than hard, rocky, or filled with weeds.
If you’ve got kids who play youth sports, and that’s true for the majority of parents these days, I want to share with you some words from Linda Flanagan in her excellent book, “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports, and Why It Matters.” Flanagan writes, “Travis Dorsch heads a team at Utah State University that looks at how spending on sports affects families. His research found that the more money parents devote to a child’s sport, the less the child enjoys it, and the more pressure he or she feels. At the same time, the more parents pay, the more emotionally invested they become in the outcome of their child’s games. Children who understand that their parents might seek a return on the investment they’ve made lose their athletic verve. The intrinsic delight of playing gets squashed by parental pressures.” Parents, are you listening? There’s nothing wrong with youth sports. But when we idolize sports and our kids success, we are in the wrong, and it hurts them.
Advances in neurological science point to the amazing complexity of our God-made brains. Because their brains are still developing, our children, teens, and even young adults have what is called an underdeveloped impulse control. This makes them less prone to resist behavioral impulses and more prone to engage in risky behaviors perceived to bring some kind of immediate benefit, but which could also bring long-lasting negative consequences. In spiritual terms, this not only means that our kids are likely to lack wisdom and discernment, but more readily fall into sin. We need to teach them that as sinners, their default setting is to follow their sinful hearts more readily than they are to follow God’s Word. Which means that we must nurture them into knowing God’s good, life-giving Word, helping to expose sin. As their frontal lobes are still developing, they need parents who serve to train them in Godly decision-making and living.
When you were growing up, how many times did you hear your parents begin a sentence with these words: “When I was your age. . .” What usually followed was some kind of revelation comparing the relative ease of teenage life in your world, with the unimaginable difficulties your parents faced during their own adolescence. This includes the stereotypical account of walking ten miles to school in sub-zero weather and three feet of snow. Recently, Pew Research asked parents, “compared with twenty years ago, do you think being a teenager today is harder, easier or about the same?” Nearly seven out of ten parents say that it’s harder today, than it was twenty years ago. When asked about what has made it harder, it’s not surprising that social media and technology are what sit at the top of the list. It’s good that we’re waking up to this fact. It will be even better if we fulfill our God-ordained parenting responsibility by establishing borders and boundaries on all things technology.
Today, I want to mention a youth culture trend that is not only shaping the lives of children and teens, but adults as well. Specifically, I’ve seen this trend take root and grow among many who lead and guide kids, and who should know better. I’m talking about youth pastors. Just as our kids are pushed to promote themselves and pursue fame and a following through social media, the same pressure pushes on us. Youthworkers, Jesus spent his life pursuing faithfulness rather than fame. How would things change if we did the same? Are you caving to the pressure to build an online following and recognition? I think our ministries would thrive if we would stop this kind of nonsense. Wouldn’t it be freeing if we weren’t always worrying about and wasting time developing a following? I’m reminded of the words of my friend and youth ministry veteran Rich Van Pelt, “You take care of the depth of your ministry. Then, let Jesus take care of the breadth of your ministry.”
In this day and age where we are hearing more and more about the declining mental health of our kids, we need to come to an understanding of how changes in the nature of childhood are contributing to this epidemic. One of the clear causes has been the move from kids engaging in what’s called “free play,” to kids engaging in only adult-supervised organized sports, or remaining sedentary by spending so much time on screens. The Aspen Institute tells us that the benefits of childhood play are immediate and long term. Kids who physically play are physically and mentally healthier, they perform better in school, they are less likely to engage in drug use and other risky behaviors, and wind up being more productive as they move into the adult years. Additional research tells us that going outside to engage with friends in free play leads to greater resiliency for kids, as they learn how to relate with others and solve problems. Make it possible for your kids to play in this way.
“Are you in a relationship?” “do you have boyfriend?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Are you dating anyone?” These are all questions from curious friends and relatives that teenagers have historically had to navigate as part of the adolescent and young adult experience. It’s not unusual for the answers given to leave members of the older generation scratching their heads. You see, the nature of romantic relationships and how they are navigated by kids has changed over the years. Now, let me confuse you even more with a new term that’s being used: situationship. A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship that lacks any kind of commitment or traditional norms. If you’re in a situationship, it can include spending time together, affection, and sexual activity. It’s been described as more than a friendship and less than a committed relationship. This new reality must prompt us to teach what God’s Word says about friendships, dating, sexuality, and the beauty of covenantal marriage.
Parents, today I want to encourage you to step back and take stock of the preaching ministry at your church. You see, we are living in a day and age when the cultural agenda is shaping the content of many sermons, when it should be the Word of God faithfully interpreted and preached that should be shaping our response to the culture. In his excellent book, “Faithful Leaders and the Things That Matter Most”, Rico Tice tells leaders that the preacher God approves of, according to second Timothy two fifteen, is the one who correctly handles the word of truth. Tice says that the faithful preaching of God’s Word will feed souls, while false teaching feeds on souls. He writes, “False teaching dazzles, then it distorts, then it diverts, and finally it destroys.” In order to faithfully fulfill our nurturing responsibilities as Christian parents, we need to be regularly fed as we sit under the faithful preaching of God’s Word. Are you at a church which upholds biblical authority?
One of the questions I’ve been asked by parents most often over the last few years is this: How old should my child be before I get them a smartphone? Of course, most kids are pressuring their parents, playing into the guilt of raising kids who they fear will be left out of what everyone else is doing. But we need to push that pressure aside in order to make wise and Godly decisions that are not based on our kids’ desires, but on what constitutes God’s best for them. Recently, more and more news stories are popping up reporting two very positive trends in this area. First, a growing number of schools are considering and implementing no-smartphone policies during the school day. A second positive trend involves parents in schools, communities, and churches who are banding together and committing to signing pledges to not give their children smartphones until after middle school. Parents, joining forces in this way is sure to benefit our kids in more ways that we can imagine.
The recently released U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents tells us that forty one percent of parents say that most days they are so stressed that they cannot function. Did you hear that? That’s four out of ten parents! At the end of the report, there is an action section which lists what parents and caregivers can do to reverse this trend. Three of the suggestions struck me as things that can happen in the context of our church ministries. First caring for yourself is a part of caring for your family. Are you sitting under the preaching and teaching of God’s Word, attending worship, and engaging in daily times with the Lord? Second, the report encourages nurturing connections with other parents and caregivers. Are you connecting with other parents in your church for fellowship, prayer, and support. Finally, empower yourself with information about mental health care. Are you going to the Scriptures to find rest and encouragement for your soul?
In his book, “The Patient Ferment of the Early Church”, Alan Kreider offers an explanation of how Christianity took root and grew in the Roman Empire, even though the church was marginalized, despised, and discriminated against. The parallels to the world we find ourselves inhabiting as Christians today is remarkably similar. Kreider explains that four things happened to advance the faith, and I believe we can and should enlist all four in our Christian parenting. First, there was patience. They didn’t hurry or push things along. Rather, they patiently trusted God to do His work. Second, they developed habitual behaviors of Christian commitment and character that not only grew their own faith, but offered a compelling witness to the surrounding culture. Third, they were committed to Christian education and worship. And finally, there was a kind of ferment happening as their faith bubbled up out of their inward lives. Let’s offer the same kind of compelling witness to our kids.
The American Lung Association is reporting that while smoking conventional cigarettes and electronic cigarettes is on the decline among our children and teens, the use of non-combustible tobacco products known as “smokeless and spitless nicotine pouches” is growing in popularity. Thanks to marketing efforts and the viral nature of social media promotion, there has been a 641% increase in sales of products like Zyn, On!, Rouge, Velo, Juice Head, Zone, and Lucy. Research on these addictive nicotine delivery systems indicates that over a quarter of those who use them are under the age of 21. With nicotine sales limited by law to those over the age of 21, we must teach kids that God has given them the responsibility to obey the laws of the government. Finally, teach them that in First Corinthans 6:19 to 21, we learn that stewarding the health of their God-given bodies is not only their responsibility, but an act of worship.
Today, we come to the end of our week-long long look at researcher Ellen Galinsky’s new book about teenagers, “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”. In it, Galinsky lists five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. As Christian parents, we should pay special attention to the fifth message she heard from kids: “We want to learn stuff that’s useful.” Galinsky lists these skills as understanding other’s perspectives, how to communicate effectively, how to work with others, and how to set goals. While these skills are all good, we need to make sure that the way our kids understand and use these skills is rooted in the Gospel and a commitment to live a faithful life of Christian discipleship. In other words, these skills must not be used to advance the kingdom of me, myself, and I. Rather, these skills should serve the higher goal of bringing glory to God. Parents, nurture your kids in the Christian faith!
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The fourth message she heard is this: “Understand our needs.” Obviously, we have a parental responsibility to provide food and shelter for our kids. But from the biblical perspective, we learn that human needs extend far beyond those that promote and protect physical growth and safety. As Christians, we know that our greatest and most pressing need is for salvation, and we know that God in His grace has provided a way for our redemption through the cross of Jesus Christ. Of course, it most likely that the teens Galinsky researched did not mention salvation as a need. But this is where we as parents come in, as we nurture our children in the Lord.
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The third message she heard is this: “Don’t stereotype us.” Just like us, our teenagers don’t want to be pigeon-holed into stereotypes. For example, not all teens are anxious. Not all teens are addicted to their phones. And not all teens are entitled. If we label our kids in these ways we are setting the table for them to live into those stereotypes. As Christian parents, we need to not only recognize the unique ways in which they’ve been created and gifted by God, but their potential to live into God’s glorious and grand design for their lives, rather than some stereotype. Parents, get to know your kids for who they are as unique individuals.
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The second message to parents is this: “Talk with us, not at us.” As our kids develop through the adolescent years, their brains are moving from thinking in black and white terms, to being able to think more abstractly, which means their on the pathway to having fully wired-up adult brains, sometime during their mid-twenties. As parents, we need to avoid the temptation to continue to think for them, as if they are still children. Rather, we need to think with them so that we might then train them to think for themselves. As Christian parents, we want to prepare our kids for a lifetime of thinking in ways that lead them to glorify God in all areas of their lives.
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, I want to look at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. First, teenagers say they want parents to “Understand our development.” I agree. We need to understand the different stages our kids go through as they grow. As Christians, we can see God’s grand and glorious design for human growth and development as amazing sequence of stages where kids mature physically, emotionally, cognitively, relationally, and spiritually. Gaining a working understanding of each stage gives us the ability to set realistic expectations for our kids, informs our approach to discipline, and gives us insights into how to most effectively nurture them in the Christian faith in age-appropriate ways.
If you don’t think that marketing to kids and concerns about body image aren’t having an impact on children when they are of elementary school age, think again. Thanks to kids using smartphones and gaining access to tiktok and youtube influencers, even pre-pubescent girls are concerned about the effects of aging on their skin. Consequently, many are spending large amounts of their parents’ money and huge amounts of time on high-end skin care products and routines including moisturizers, masks, mists, and cleansers. It’s gotten to the point that this is what a growing number of our pre-teen girls are asking for on their birthday gift lists. We should be concerned about their susceptibility to marketing and preer pressure, the promotion of vanity, and the resulting cost both financially and in terms of stress and anxiety. But we also need to be concerned about the growing body of evidence showing that these things are causing short and long term damage, including burns, rashes, and other allergic reactions.
The Genesis eleven story of the tower of Babel is one we need to pay attention to in our social media saturated world. In his book, This World is Not My Home, Mark Johnston writes that man’s motive behind the vast tower of Babel efforts was, as we read in Genesis eleven four, “to make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.” Johnston continues, “the Babel instinct in the human psyche has lingered on through the entire history of our race. From man’s attempts to literally build a name for himself by constructing great works of architectural genius, to his efforts to establish kingdoms and empires, human beings have tried to secure themselves in their world through all manner of tangible means. We try to build our own little worlds without God through our careers, achievements, families, and other things in the hope they will provide the security and sense of identity we crave.” Parents, teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ alone.
As our culture continues to promote ideologies that leave so many questioning their gender and sexuality, it’s important that we as parents and the church continually remind our kids of God’s good and glorious creational design as put forth in Genesis one and two. God made humanity in His image, and He made us male and female, which is the gender binary so many dispute and deny today. Why should be keep reminding our kids of God’s Truth? A recent analysis of national survey results has found that one in four grade nine to twelve adolescents here in the United States report their sexual identity as non-heterosexual. Friends, don’t ever forget that the period known as adolescence is a stage filled with physical changes and lots of questioning. In today’s world, our vulnerable growing and changing kids are now given options beyond heterosexuality, or the gender binary of male and female. Provide the kids you and know and love with Godly guidance and direction.
One starting point in the process of leading our teenagers to faith and spiritual maturity is to face the truth about who teenagers are and the uniqueness of their life stage. We must constantly seek answers to these questions: What is their world like? What makes them tick? What changes are they experiencing? What questions are they asking? Why do they think and act the way they do? And while we ask those questions, we must never forget, as Eugene Peterson says, that “there are no well-adjusted adolescents. Adolescence is, by definition, maladjustment. And getting adjusted is a strenuous and often noisy process.” In addition, we must approach our task as parents of teens not as punishment, a problem, or a cross to bear, but as a wonderful opportunity to depend on our Heavenly Father, while teaching our impressionable teens to do the same. Parents, never forget that you have been stewarded by God with the gift of your children, and that you are an instrument in His hands!
I recently read a sentence in the First Things monthly journal that stopped me in my tracks. I went back and read it several times over. Eventually, I pulled out a pen and underlined it, knowing that it was worth going back to over and over again. I spotted the sentence in an article that regular columnist, Liel Liebovitz, had written about what it’s like to be a young person in today’s world. Liebovitz wrote, and I quote, that this is “a generation whose minds, hearts, and souls, are ravaged by a technological torrent that thrusts upon them more audiovisual stimuli per minute than the human brain can possibly process.” Let me read that again: this is “a generation whose minds, hearts, and souls, are ravaged by a technological torrent that thrusts upon them more audiovisual stimuli per minute than the human brain can possibly process.” Parents, what goes in through the ears and eyes of your kids will play out in their beliefs and behaviors for the rest of their lives. Are you paying attention?
There’s a growing amount of research pointing to the fact that smartphones and social media are undermining the well-being of our kids when borders, boundaries, and safeguards are not enacted. Recently, the American Psychological Association released a report on the science of how social media affects our youth, specifically looking at the risks associated with content, features, and functions. One of the opening paragraphs of the report says, “Platforms built for adults are not inherently suitable for youth. Youth require special protection due to areas of competence or vulnerability as they progress through the childhood, teenage, and late adolescent years.” The report warns that chronological age is not directly associated with social media readiness. In other words, just because a platform requires a child to be thirteen in order to download the app, that doesn’t mean it is safe and harmless. Parents, are you tracking with the data that will help your parent wisely?
The office of the United States Surgeon General recently released a report entitled, “Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents.” In his introduction to the report, Surgeon General Murthy writes these words: “Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.” Of course, those of us who understand God’s design for the family and the role we are to play in the nurture of our children know this to be true. Murthy goes on to write these words: “The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for the health of society. Additionally, we know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children.” Murthy’s words capture the truth of a principle we all must understand: that our role is primary, and that we pass on to our kids who it is that we are. Parents, if you desire your children to be faithful followers of Jesus, you must be that yourself!
When Jesus told his followers the parable of the Good Samaritan, he wanted his listeners to know that if they had embraced their purpose in life to follow him, they would then view anyone in need as a neighbor. They would follow in the footsteps of the Samaritan who gave everything in response to the wounded man’s need. Those who are followers of Christ are called to self-sacrificing lives of compassion. The message of today’s market-driven world is the exact opposite. Instead of looking out for others, we are to look out for number one. In this kind of world, there is a decrease in generosity and an increase in selfishness. In this kind of world there is less concern for neighbor and more concern for self. In this kind of world there is a decline in civility. In this kind of world we do anything and everything possible – including using people as means to our ends – to get ahead of anyone and everyone else. This is not who we are called to be. Lead your kids to show the compassion of Christ.
In his recent book, “The Anxious Generaton,” social psychologist Jonathan Haidt recommends that our schools ban smartphones. It’s a common-sense move that at the very least would answer the concerns of just all about all teachers regarding how smartphone presence has diminished the willingness and abilities of our kids to pay attention in class and to each other. In Norway, the ban on smartphones in schools has allowed researchers the opportunity to gauge whether or not a ban is helpful. The results are compelling. Banning smartphones has led to a significant decline in seeking out treatment for psychological symptoms and diseases. In fact, it’s a sixty percent drop! Educational performance improves. And, bullying has decreased significantly, with a drop of forty-six percent for girls, and forty-three percent for boys. While our smartphones are great tools when used correctly, we need to limit their use in terms of time and place, in order to facilitate our kid’s health.
All teenagers face great temptation. All teenagers make sinful choices that are at times devastating to themselves and to others. It’s who we are as broken human beings. But here’s some great advice for parents: The most important factor in determining whether that bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse is parental response. What would happen if your goal would be to redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for your teenager to become a more Christ-like person? I am constantly reminded of my responsibility to treat my sinful children the way my heavenly Father treats me when I’m the offending party – because there isn’t a day that goes by when I’m not. I learned a great lesson from Dr. John White when he was asked how he’d learned to relate to his own son’s rebellious and sinful choices. Dr. White said he’s learned to live his life according to this simple and profound principle: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.”
Living in a world where information comes at us at breakneck speed makes it almost impossible to know what to believe and what not to believe. This has been pounded home to us over the course of the last several months as we continually hear about fake news. As parents and youth workers, we must teach our kids how to discern what is true from what is false. We must also communicate the truths of God’s Word in ways that help them to walk the narrow road that leaves to life, while avoiding the wide road that leads to destruction. The Apostle Paul uses the word “trustworthy” several times in his New Testament letters. In each case, his use of the word is in reference to a saying that is true, and that is to be completely accepted and believed. Are you searching the Scriptures in order to know the truth that is not only to be accepted and believed, but that gives life? Then, are you sharing that with your kids? Teach your kids the trustworthy Word of God.
Parents, today I want to give you a heads-up and issue a warning which I hope motivates you to track with the latest developments in digital technology and the way in which these developments might undermine the well-being of our kids. You’re no doubt aware that Virtual Reality and the Metaverse here to stay and will be advancing quickly in the years to come. Based on the fact that online victimization of children and teens is a well-known reality in today’s digital world, experts are now working to catch and address what victimization will look like in the metaverse and through virtual reality. Researchers at Florida Atlantic University has found that a significant percentage of teens who engage with these technologies have reported encountering hate speech, bullying, harassment, sexual harassment, grooming behaviors from predators, and unwanted exposure to violent or sexually explicit content. Parents, you are the gatekeepers. Always monitor use, educate for safety, and set limits.
The prayers we find in the Scriptures are prayers that we can pray for our children and teens. In II Thessalonians 3:5, the Apostle Paul follows up his statements on God’s faithfulness and promised protection from the evil one with this prayer: “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.” First, Paul prays that God would “direct,” or “make straight” the paths of their hearts. We too should be praying that God would remove all the obstacles the evil one throws in the paths of our kids. Second, he prays that their hearts would be focused on the love of God and on Christ’s endurance. Like Paul, we should pray that our kids would not only be focused on God’s love for them, but on pursuing their own love for God. And, just as Christ steadfastly pursued and endured earthly trials and the suffering of the Cross, so too should we desire that our kids would grow in their faith to the point of persevering for Christ in the midst of great challenges.
“I had a simple rule for my kid. I now realize what a hypocrite I am.” That’s the headline over an article about kids and device usage written by Molly Mulshine, a young mother of a one-year-old. Mulshine begins by proudly telling readers that she never puts her phone in the hands of her child for the admirable reason that she doesn’t want her spending time on or getting addicted to a device. But Mulshine was surprised when that little one-year-old got ahold of mom’s phone, and in Mulshine’s words, “started scrolling and swiping with the muscle memory of a bored teen.” Mulshine soon realized that it was the example of her own addiction to her phone that was modeling exactly what she didn’t want to see happen to her own child. Mulshine offers up this question that all wise and concerned parents should be asking themselves: Will my excessive phone use make my daughter long for the sweet, lobotomizing glow of a high-tech rectangle, despite any screen limits I place on her? Parent, think about it.
I recently read through the report on teens and media from the University of California and found some thought-provoking data. The report is titled “Reality Bites: Teens and Screens 2024.” The survey found that when asked what adolescents most want to see in terms of content, the top content choice for ten to twenty-four year olds was fantasy, with over thirty-six percent ranking fantasy highest on the list. This desire to see fantasy increased from 2023’s twenty percent. When given a list of specific content topics, the number one choice was fantasy and other content that was hopeful and uplifting, showing people beating the odds. As I pondered these top-ranked desires of our kids, I couldn’t help but think that our kids are leading lives where there is a deep and desperate need to hear and see good news. And where else will they ultimately find what they are looking for than in God’s revelation of Himself in the Bible, and in a restored relationship with God through Christ.
A new report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention looks at the issue of bullying in the lives of our twelve to seventeen-year-olds. The report defines bullying as occurring when “a person is exposed to aggressive behavior repeatedly over time by one or more people and is unable to defend themself.” More than a third of the kids surveyed say they’ve been bullied over the past year. Over thirty-eight percent of twelve to seventeen year old girls report being bullied, and just under thirty percent of the boys surveyed report being bullied. The report also found that bullying is more prevalent among twelve to fourteen year olds, at just over thirty-eight percent, and less prevalent among fifteen to seventeen year olds, at just under thirty percent. With bullying prevalent in today’s teen culture, we need to teach our kids to show the love of Christ to their divine-image-bearing peers, and we need to minister well to our kids who have been victimized so that we might build their resilience.
The other day I was driving down our local interstate highway and I found myself stuck behind a car that wouldn’t move out of the left lane. The driver was not only driving under the speed limit, but drifted to the left and over the line several times, then quickly catching themselves and making a course correction. When I finally had an opening to pass them in the right lane, I looked over to see if the driver was ok. While the driver was conscious, had a hand on the wheel, and their eyes were open, their other hand was texting on the smartphone that was holding their attention. I’m sure all of us have not only seen this from time to time, but have been tempted to do the same ourselves. Recent research from the University of Pennsylvania reminds us that we need to teach our kids to put the phones away while they are the wheel. Teens who use their phones while driving are more likely to engage in risky driving behaviors, including hard braking and rapid acceleration. We must all drive to the glory of God.
As the recreational use of marijuana has become more widespread, socially acceptable, and even legal in many states, the notion that smoking or ingesting cannabis products is actually harmless has spread as well. But a growing body of research is reporting on a variety of harmful effects from the use of cannabis. A new study published in the journal, Addiction Biology, is suggesting that using cannabis causes damage to cells, which in turn increases one’s risk for developing cancerous tumors. Specifically, researchers found that cannabis use damages the genetic information in a cell, which can lead to cancer and accelerated aging. And, with the modification of the DNA in a cell, a parent can pass on altered or damage DNA to their offspring, thereby increasing the risk of premature aging and cancer for that child. Parents, we need to raise our children well, doing all we can to enable them to steward the health of those bodies to God’s glory!
Australia has recently enacted some legislation that not only makes good sense, but models steps that should be taken by the rest of the world to protect our kids from harm and to provide for their well-being. What exactly has Australia done? They’ve passed a new law that bans kids from using social media until they reach the age of sixteen. The new law won’t go into effect for another year, but it’s rooted in the growing body of evidence, both from research and anecdotally, that the use of social media and technology is harming our kids by undermining their mental health and relationships in ways that cannot go unnoticed or unaddressed. Of course, there are many details yet to be worked out before the ban goes into effect. As Christian parents, laws like these help set borders and boundaries, but ultimately we want to see our kids make these decision on their own as they flow out of heart bent towards the worship of God.
I recently read through the report on teens and media from the University of California and found some thought-provoking data. The report is titled “Reality Bites: Teens and Screens 2024.” The survey found that that the number one reason young people ages ten to twenty four report for using social media is to escape and take their minds off of things. This is not at all surprising in light of all the recent talk about the declining mental health of our children and teens. Of course, human beings have always looked for and found ways to escape their pain, with most of these strategies resulting in anesthetizing themselves from the realities of life. Sometimes these lead to addictions. As long as kids are running to social media, we can expect more and more to become addicted to their devices. Let’s remember that a landscape of hopelessness is a landscape ready and ripe for hearing the truths of the Gospel. Are you telling your kids about finding peace and purpose in Christ?
Today we conclude our week-long look at what it means to entrust our children to God. To entrust our children to God is to completely entrust our children to God! While yes, we have been given the aforementioned responsibilities to tend, teach, and train, we cannot drag, push, or pull our kids screaming and kicking into the Kingdom of God. There is no guarantee that we will see the results that we want, in the way that we want, or in the time that we want. No, “salvation belongs to the Lord!” It is only the Holy Spirit, working in His way and His time, who will call our children to faith. We need to constantly remind ourselves of what I heard R.C. Sproul say on many occasions: “God has entrusted the ministry of the Word to us, not its results.” Our high calling is to be faithful and obedient. . . and to leave the rest up to God. Let me remind you once again, that there is no higher parental calling or privilege than to focus your time, energy, and prayers on leading your kids to love and serve Jesus.
All this week we’re looking at what it means for us as Christian parents to entrust our children to God. In First Timothy four, six to ten we learn that to entrust your children to God is to train them in righteousness. Knowing sound doctrine is a worthless pursuit if that doctrine is not translated into everyday living. Our parenting should be directed to the end of not just honoring God with our lips, but glorifying Him with our lives, as we learn in Mark 7:6. One way parents can teach this is to look for those everyday opportunities to employ what I call the World-Word-Walk paradigm. It starts with keeping your ears and eyes open to the current cultural narrative. What is the world teaching our kids? We point these things out and then examine them with our children under the light of God’s Word. Finally, we think and pray with them about how God’s Word is calling them to walk obediently to God’s glory in the midst of a world that teaches them to live contrary to the Gospel.
All this week we’re looking at what it means for us as Christian parents to entrust our children to God. To entrust your children to God is to teach them doctrine. Our children and teens are seeking answers to two basic developmental questions: “Who am I?” and “What do I believe” Thanks to smartphones and social media, culture is catechizing our kids around the clock. While they turn to their devices to make sense of life in the world, we must lead them into the life-giving Word of God, which is the only source of Truth. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reminds us that we are to be intentional about constantly and diligently teaching them God’s Word, showing them how it speaks to all of life. Our approach is to be multi-sensory as we talk, sit, walk, lie down, and rise up with God’s Word on our lips and our lives. We teach sound doctrine by enlisting the tools of age-appropriate Catechisms, family devotions, and the everyday teachable moments that offer opportunities to pass on the truths of God’s Word.
All this week we’re looking at what it means for us as Christian parents to entrust our children to God. One of the most important things to remember is that to entrust your children to God is to tend to yourself. I love Tedd Tripp’s definition of parenting as “shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God’s wisdom.” It follows that the only way we can effectively nurture our children in the ways of God’s wisdom is to be constantly nurturing ourselves. The Apostle Paul’s words to the Colossians tell us that “therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving”. We can only lead our children to where we are. If you want your children to walk the road of discipleship and to love Jesus Christ with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, we have to do the same ourselves. Take stock of your life, and ask God to show you where change is needed.
My fourteen-year-old self had gone to bed at my usual 9pm time. Two hours later, I woke up to use the bathroom. While walking undetected past my parents darkened room, I not only heard my dad whispering, but I heard him whispering my name. It was at that unforgettable moment that I learned that my parents’ bedtime routine included intercession on behalf of their three children. I had been blessed with parents whose only stated hope for me was that I would grow up to love, follow, and serve Jesus Christ. As Christian parents, our hope for our children should be the same. The good news is that parents always exercise the greatest influence on the spiritual lives of their children. God has established the home as the primary arena for spiritual nurture. This influence is effectively exercised as we entrust our children to God, which includes certain responsibilities that He has entrusted to us. Listen in all this week as we talk about how to entrust our children to God.
There’s some new data on teenagers and vaping that deserves our attention. Published in the journal Pediatrics, the data looks at trends in vaping behaviors among our eighth, tenth, and twelfth graders. Near daily vaping was admitted by one-point-seven percent of eighth graders, four-point-two percent of tenth graders, and almost eight percent of twelfth graders. When asked why they vape, the three top reasons are these: to relax and relieve stress was number one, cited by over seventy percent of those kids who vaped daily. Second on the list was experimentation, and coming in at third was vaping to relieve boredom. Other reasons cited include the taste, feeling good, convenience, and to have a good time. Parents, be aware that there are numerous health issues related to vaping. It is not safe. Take the time to raise your awareness of the consequences of vaping, warn your kids, and direct them to the Lord who promises to minister to them in their stress and anxiety.
A recent article in the UK’s “Daily Telegraph” newspaper is reporting on an online behavior happening over the pond that it is very reasonable to assume is happening here in the United States at the same or a very similar rate. Researchers in the U.K. have found that the majority of children on social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat are lying about their age and date of birth in order to appear older and bypass age restrictions in order to get on the platforms. In fact, most children have never been asked by the platforms to prove or verify their age when signing up. The survey of children between the ages of eight and seventeen found that fifty-eight percent of kids on TikTok, fifty-two percent of kids on Instagram, and fifty-six percent of kids on SnapChat had a false date of birth on their profile to make them appear older. Parents, these age limits are there to protect our kids, and we must teach them to honor them. In addition, the Lord calls all of us to tell the truth and not bear false witness.
One of the most beautiful and telling aspects of the Genesis Creation narrative relates to the importance of relationships. In Genesis one twenty-six we read these words, “Then God said, ‘Let US make man in OUR image.” The God who created human beings as the crowning point of creation is a trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And out of that divine relationship comes the creation of those who God said later in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Relationships are a key part of our humanity. We are made for them, and it is reasonable to assume that without them, our flourishing and well-being are undermined. Because of that, it’s not surprising that scientists at the University of Cambridge have discovered that teens who spend time alone in their rooms, even while relating to others online, are actually isolated in ways that lead to excessive worry, feeling unsafe, and lonely. Your kids need flesh and blood social interaction. They’ve been made for it.
As Christian parents, we are called to raise our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We must be doing what we can to lead them into an adulthood that is spiritually, emotionally, relationally, intellectually, AND physically healthy. Their physical health depends greatly on how we teach them to steward their God-given bodies during their childhood and teenage years. One aspect of this that’s related to today’s youth culture regards caffeine intake. Are you aware, for example, that your local quickmart drink coolers are filled with aggressively marketed caffeine-infused energy drinks that appeal to teens? And, are you aware that ER visits due to eating or drinking too much caffeine have doubled among middle school kids, and almost doubled for our high schoolers between 2017 and 2023? Parents, we need to educate our kids on God-honoring matters of health and on the dangers of caffeine intake, along with setting borders and boundaries for their consumption.
I recently read through a report on teens and screens from the Center for Scholars and Storytellers at the University of California. I want you to hear these important words from the reports introduction: “An alarming proportion of today’s adolescents are facing unprecedented mental health challenges, and they are inundated with storytelling media that exerts a powerful influence. Media is more present than ever before, with many estimates indicating that youth spend up to nine hours on screens outside of school. Screens and the internet touch every aspect of a young person’s life – school, communication with friends, and leisure activities. Adolescents learn from these images and messages; thus, storytellers can and should be mindful of the social-emotional influence they have on the next generation.” Parents, are you listening? We have a responsibility to not only set limits, but to help our kids to bring God glory by thinking critically and Christianly about all the media they consume.
I recently read through the report on teens and media from the University of California and found some thought-provoking data. The report is titled “Reality Bites: Teens and Screens 2024.” There’s some good news coming from the survey regarding what our kids think about friendship and sexuality. In 2023, over fifty percent of adolescents desired content that focused on platonic relationships and friendships In 2024, that number had increased to over sixty-three percent! In 2023, just over forty-seven percent of adolescents said that sex and sexual content are not needed to advance the plot of TV shows and/or movies. In 2024 that number increased to over sixty-two percent. We can assume that our kids are longing for relationships, and the content they seek reflects that desire. Parents, lets go out of our way to teach our kids about developing healthy relationships with friends, about living out God’s good design for sex and sexuality, and for glorifying God in all things.
With the New Year upon us and resolutions being made here, there, and everywhere, let me suggest a parenting and family priority that all of us can institute in our homes with our kids. In the past, I’ve shared some of the data regarding the decline in reading among children and teens, much of that occasioned by time spent doing other things like scrolling through their phones or playing video games. You’ve also heard that there are negative outcomes related to reading less, including a decline in critical thinking skills, knowledge retention, and comprehension. New data from UNESCO reports that nearly half of kids ages twelve to fifteen globally cannot read with comprehension. They are unable to connect main ideas, understand the author’s intentions, or draw reasoned conclusions. Of course, this includes kids who do and do not attend school. Reading develops our God-given minds. Reading our Bibles grows us. Facilitate more reading for your kids in 2025!
A blessed and happy New Year to you! 2024 is now in the past and we look forward with great expectation and perhaps a bit of trepidation to 2025. Today is a perfect day for you to sit with your kids and talk about the days in which we live, the reasonable expectations we must have, and where to find our hope. I’ve gotten into the habit of using each and every New Year’s Day to pause and pray. I thank the Lord for another year. I ask his blessing on my family. I ask Him to protect us from harm and to provide for our well-being. And, because our world is filled with brokenness, there will be unexpected bumps in the road during the coming year. I ask the Lord to prepare me to handle whatever may come. Perhaps today you can share these words from Psalm thirty-three with your family: Our soul waits for the Lord. He is our help and shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.
“Be sure to look them in the eye and say please and thank you.” If you grew up in home like mine, you constantly heard those words from your mother as she was training you to be kind and polite in social situations. I learned that lesson well and hope that we were successful in passing it on to our own kids. New research from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign has found that when family members show appreciation and gratitude to each other through saying “thank you”, relationships are strengthened and mental health improves. For married couples, showing gratitude to your partner improves relationship satisfaction and mental health. When a child expresses thanks to a parent, parenting stress is actually reduced. As Christian parents, we want to be sure to teach our kids that all good things come from God, including the gift of salvation. Point them to I Chronicles 16:34: “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.”
I recently read through the report on teens and media from the University of California and found some thought-provoking data. The report is titled “Reality Bites: Teens and Screens 2024.” As I was reading through the survey there was one bit of data that caused me to pause, and I want to pass it on to you. This question was asked to the ten to twenty-four year olds who participated in the survey: “At what age did you start using social media?” Now remember that the major social media platforms require users to be at least thirteen years old to create an account. The reason for this is compliance with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act. Remember too, that there is growing movement to keep kids off social media until the age of sixteen. So, how did respondents answer the question regarding when they started using social media? Fifty-one- point-five percent, over half, started using social media under the age of thirteen, with many at or under age ten. Parents, what about your kids?
It’s been said that when it comes to fashion and style, what goes around comes around. And, in one of the most mind-boggling recent fashion trends, today’s teens are proving this to be true. In a recent article in of all places Country Living Magazine, writer Katie Bowley throws this headline at us: “Cracker Barrel’s Grandma Sweatshirts Are The Newest Gen Z Trend.” Yes, you heard that right. Teenagers are heading to the Cracker Barrel gift shops and buying those sweatshirts embroidered with nature scenes and animals which arepopular with older. Thanks to promotion of the trend through TikTok videos hawking the sweatshirts as stylish for the younger set, Cracker Barrell has seen a seven-hundred percent increase in sales of the sweatshirts since the early fall. This sounds very similar to what happened a couple of years ago when the old school Stanley water bottles suddenly became stylish. This is a refreshing trend, as the sweatshirts are costing our kids the relatively low price of thirty dollars.
One of the best tools at your disposal for tracking changes in youth culture is the dictionary. That’s right, the dictionary. I say this because the rate of cultural change is now so fast that those who publish dictionaries are constantly removing words deemed irrelevant and no longer usable, while adding words that reflect cultural change. Earlier this month, the folks at the Oxford Dictionary actually named one of these new words, brain rot, as the word of the year for 2024. Oxford defines brain rot as “the supposed deterioration of a person’s mental or intellectual state, especially viewed as the result of overconsumption of material, usually online content, considered to be trivial or unchallenging.” The word was chosen to reflect what our consumption of excessive amounts of low-quality online content is doing to our brains, our relationships, and our lives. Parents, stop your constant scrolling and teach your kids to do the same. Let’s promote heart for God flourishing.
Since today is the day that we celebrate Christmas, I thought I would take some time to share one of my favorite Christmas scriptures. In the Gospel of Luke, we are told that eight days after his birth, Jesus was brought by Mary and Joseph to Jerusalem to be circumcised. While there, they took Jesus into the temple where an upright man by the name of Simeon took the infant in his arms. God had promised Simeon that he would not die until he had seen the Lord’s Christ with his own eyes. As he looks upon the Messiah, Simeon says, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” I can only imagine the joy that Simeon felt. This Christmas, our desire for you and your family is that you will all rejoice with great satisfaction in the coming of your Savior. Have a very blessed Christmas!
Some of my greatest and most treasured childhood memories revolve around Christmas eve. In our house, Christmas eve was a time of great anticipation. Yes, we would be opening presents the next morning so there was certainly plenty of excitement about what would show up under the tree. The house always smelled great as my mom would be already working on preparing our Christmas feast by baking cookies and pies. We would play with the train set that only appeared in our house during the month of December. All of those memories are wonderful. But what I remember most about Christmas Eve was going to our church for the annual Christmas Eve service. It was there that we were once again reminded of the story of God’s incredible gift of salvation through his son, Jesus Christ. As you gather to celebrate Christmas, remember that your kids are bombarded by all kinds of life-shaping stories in today’s youth culture. Take time to tell them the one story that matters.
In just two days we’ll be gathering with family and friends to celebrate Christmas. This is the day when we celebrate the amazing grace of God in the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer. I’m assuming that most of us will benefit from the reminders to not allow all the distractions of the season to keep us from understanding and truly celebrating the Incarnation. I know that I need to hear those reminders. And based on some recent research from the folks at Lifeway, we increasingly need to think about celebrating Christmas by gathering with others in our local churches to worship the God who became man. Lifeway has found that while nine out of ten Americans do something to celebrate Christmas, less than half now plan to attend church to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Forty-seven percent say they typically attend church, forty-eight percent say they do not, and five percent are unsure if they will. Make sure you and your family gathers with others to worship the newborn King.
Today, we’re concluding our look at marketing’s influence on our kids. One result of the marketing push is that we’ve got a culture of kids locked into consumer debt. The message they get from advertising is that life is about consumption, and whether it’s their money or a credit card company’s money they are borrowing, they are entitled to spend whenever the urge hits them. Many of today’s kids will be buried deep in consumer debt long before they marry and start a family. Advertising and the materialism it fosters steers us away from the one true God and towards idols. They steer us away from Jesus Christ, the one and only source of redemption, to the false promises of other “messiahs” and redeemers. Today’s marketing blitz encourages our teens to create, pursue, and worship false gods, all the while leaving our kids more and more empty. Parents, what are you doing to point your kids to the cross?
Today we’re continuing to look at marketing’s powerful influence on children and teens. The glut of advertising to kids can lead them to understand life in economic terms. Each and every one of us, including our kids, has been created by God, for God, and to be in a relationship with God, living His will and His way under his reign. But advertising consistently sends the message that “it’s all about you.” Consequently our kids get it all wrong regarding who should reside at the center of their worldview and who should be in control of their lives. In addition, marketing’s materialistic messages have led to the virtue of compassion being replaced by competition. God calls us to self-sacrificing lives of compassion. The message of today’s market-driven world is the exact opposite. Instead of looking out for others, we are to look out for number one. In this kind of world we are most concerned about our selves. And that’s a shame.
Today we’re continuing our look at how marketing influences children and teens. As materialism takes root and grows, kids become more impulsive, buying without evaluating or thinking about the difference between wants and needs. Kids wind up wanting to acquire products they really don’t need, but they want them for the perceived emotional and quality of life benefits they promise. Marketing has also influenced kids to work more in order to have more. Those who have jobs are working longer hours, making it difficult to stay involved in other activities including church youth groups, school activities, service projects, and family time. While some kids work to save money for future educational needs, a growing number are working long hours in order to fund and sustain large luxury items including cars, audio systems, and cell phones. Parents, are your kids working for the right reasons?
Today, we’re continuing our look at how marketing influences our children and teens. As I’ve studied teen marketing over the years, it’s clear that there are short and long-term effects and results of advertising. Parents must think about how these results and effects square up to who our kids should be as followers of Christ. One result is that materialism is becoming more deeply embedded in our teenagers’ lives. Because they are being marketed to with increasing frequency and depth, vulnerable kids find it easier to believe advertising’s messages and promises. They define themselves by their possessions, seeking happiness, satisfaction, meaning, and redemption in the accumulation of things. Kids buy into a live to consume rather than a consume to live mentality. Talk with your kids about marketing’s messages, and how these messages agree or disagree with what Jesus has to say about money and materialism.
Take a look around and you’ll quickly notice that advertising is everywhere. It’s especially pervasive in the lives our teenagers, who are, by the way, the most targeted market segment in the world. Consequently, marketing functions as a map that sits unfolded in the laps of vulnerable teens who are looking to find their way from childhood, through adolescence, and into adulthood. Advertising’s 24/7 presence takes advantage of the fact that more and more kids are growing up in broken families, thus making them more hungry for the guidance and direction that they aren’t getting at home. Marketing is telling our kids what to think, what to value, what to believe, what to worship, and how to spend their money and lives. Listen in over the next few days as we look at how marketing’s shaping our kids, along with a Christian response.
Several decades ago, media and communication theorist Marshal McLuhan was warning us that the technological tools we create and embrace have long-term effects that are not always positive. He said, “first we shape our tools, and then our tools shape us.” Now that the smartphone has been present in our culture and lives for over seventeen years, we are seeing how our lives and relationships are changing. A college professor named Brandon McDaniel coined a term that describes one such negative effect. The term is technoference. Simply stated, technoference occurs when our attention to screens disrupts our personal communication or time spent with others, including our family and friends. We constantly check our screens when we are in the presence of others or in conversation with others. Recent surveys tell us that more and more kids are complaining about the technoference that comes when parents spend too much time on their phones. Do you need to change your habits?
Russell Kirk was a twentieth century social critic who back in 1992 said something very important regarding the changes taking place in culture as it slides further and further into secularism, and what needs to take place. Kirk said, “If a culture is to survive and flourish, it must not be severed from the religious vision out of which it arose. The high necessity of reflective man and women, then, is to labor for the restoration of religious teachings as a credible body of doctrine. America as we know it cannot survive without biblical Christianity. The rights we cherish, the freedoms we enjoy, the ideals we all love together – all are rooted in and sustained by the tradition of the Bible. Christianity is the electric current of our national life. Turn it off, and the light will fade.” Parents and youth workers, it begins with all of us studying and knowing the truths of God’s Word. Then, we must be committed to teaching and telling the truth to our kids, all the time!
Parents, are you aware that the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation is warning parents, educators, caregivers, teens, and children about the growing tide of online dangers that they say may lead to the solicitation and enticement of minors to engage in sexual acts. Known as “sextortion”, this danger involves a perpetrator coercing a minor to create and send sexually explicit material. If the perpetrator gets the sexually explicit material, they will then threaten to release those pictures online unless the victim produces more of the same, or unless the victim sends a payment often in gift cards, wire transfers, mobile payment services, or cryptocurrency. Sextortion victims are most often males between the ages of fourteen and seventeen, but anyone of any age or gender can become a victim. Parents, teach your kids to never engage in online communication with someone they don’t know, and teach them God’s good design for the sacred gift of their sexuality.
Our friends over at the First Things Journal recently passed on some interesting words from Gen Z writer, Freya India, that she had posted on her Substack online newsletter. Her take on Gen Z, those born between 1997 and 2012, is insightful. “It’s hard to put this into words but I think, in some ways, what we actually want is to be humbled. People say we crave belonging and connection, but what if we also crave commandments? What if we are desperate to be delivered from something? To be at the mercy of something? I think we underestimate how hard it is for young people today to feel their way through life with out moral guardrails and guidance, to follow the whims and wishes of our ego and be affirmed by adults every step of the way. I’m not sure that’s actual freedom. And if it is, I’m not sure freedom is what anyone of us actually wants.” India’s words help us understand that our kids are longing for redemption. And the answer is found only in following Jesus Christ.
Because we have been made for relationships, it’s important that our kids develop healthy friendships where they learn how to relate to others, how to play together, and how to solve conflicts. The C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health recently asked the parents of six to twelve year old children about their children’s friendships. Nineteen percent of parents report that their child either has no friends or not enough friends. In addition, seventy-one percent of parents say that they’ve taken action over the course of the last year to help their child make new friends, including setting up playdates and befriending other parents. There is an epidemic of loneliness among today’s emerging generations, and we need to do what we can to encourage them into positive friendships, especially with those who will encourage them to grow in their relationships to the Lord. Parents, Proverbs tells us that he who walks with the wise, grows wise.
I recently read an article in Scientific American by Melinda Wenner Moyer, all about the role of unstructured play in setting kids on a course for healthy child development. Moyer cites the story of twenty-five year old Charles Whitman, who back in 1966 climbed to the top of tower on the campus of the University of Texas and proceeded to shoot forty-six people, killing seventeen. The killing sparked an effort to understand why anyone would do such a thing. Mental health professionals interviewed Whitman along with twenty-six other convicted Texas murderers. Most of the killers had two things in common: they grew up in abusive families, and they never played as children. The takeaway here is not that playing as a child will prevent one from engaging in criminal behavior. Rather, further studies since then have confirmed that letting kids engage in free, imaginative play is a crucial factor in health social, emotional, and cognitive development. Parents, let your children play!
C.S. Lewis once said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pains.” Those words capture a truth that the Scriptures put forth from Genesis to Revelation. It seems that whenever God would do his greatest work in the lives of those he loved, he would bring about great spiritual growth and increased faith through the gift of pain. In today’s world, we are taught to avoid pain and pursue pleasure. In addition, we’ve been led to believe that if we are experiencing the pain of difficulty and difficult times, God must be absent. But the Bible teaches us the exact opposite. God is present in our sufferings. How is it that we miss this truth so easily? As parents, there will be times of great hearthache, pain, and difficulty. Never forget that these are the times where God is parenting us, where he is doing great work, and where he is nurturing us into people who are totally dependent on him and on nothing else. Consider it all joy when you experience God’s love in pain.
I’ve been reading with great interest some articles in Salvo magazine that have been written by Dr. Bruce Woodall. In his encounters with young patients who are questioning their sexuality and gender, Dr. Woodall carefully and compassionately addresses their questions and confusion by pointing them to God’s good design for sex and gender. He writes, “I am concerned that youth are receiving a cultural message that sexual attraction is purely a subjective and private feeling experience that can legitimately go any direction, rather than something rooted in the created order and made for the purpose of procreation as possible only in the union of an XX female and XY male. Such thinking opens the door not only to dangerous sexual experimentation, but to a failure in developing the strength of character necessary for impulse control, setting youth on a path that can lead to a life lost in hedonistic nihilism or sexual addictions.” Parents, we need to tell our kids the truth.
From time to time I tell you about the power that marketing has over our kids. Marketing not only peddles products, but it also sells and promotes a world view. Yes, marketing shapes the way that our kids look at and live life. But our kids aren’t the only targets that marketing so effectively hits. Marketing also shapes us adults. It’s for that reason that I want to sound a warning that relates to one message marketing so effectively is sending to us as parents. That message is this: don’t grow old. It seems that we’re listening as we older folks have become obsessed over our appearance, our clothing, our complexions, our body shapes, and more. We spend billions and billions of dollars trying to stop something that just can’t be stopped. Ultimately, this is idolatry. And in the process, we’re teaching our kids to grow up to worship the idol of youthfulness as well. Parents, consider what it is that you worship, and the message you’re sending to your kids about what’s most important in life.
Today I want to talk to you about how my beliefs have changed over the years regarding high school graduates and higher education. When I graduated from high school, I lived in a culture where it was assumed that the next step for anyone who hoped to be responsible was to go immediately on to college, and then to graduate in four years. But a changing culture, economic realities, college debt, and a more clear understanding of work and calling have led me to a new understanding of what happens after high school. We no longer live in a one size fits all higher ed environment. I believe that far too many of our kids head straight off to college with no idea regarding their giftedness and calling. Parents, maybe we should require our kids to hold off from college enrollment. Pray with them regarding their giftedness and calling. Then, send them in the right direction, to the right place, at the right time in order to prepare them for a lifetime of service to God.
Inhalants are a class of drugs which are easy to obtain, inexpensive, and popular, especially among younger teenagers who have difficulty obtaining alcohol and other drugs. They’re one of the most widely used classes of drugs among our middle school kids, and even those who are younger will experiment with them. Known for years as “huffing” and now known as “chroming”, sniffing common household products like solvents and cleaners is extremely dangerous. Not surprisingly, there’s been an uptick in the practice thanks to the presence of social media. Researchers looked at over one hundred chroming videos, many of them on TikTok, which have garnered over twenty five million views. We need to warn our kids about the dangers of inhalant use, letting them know that dizziness, brain damage, addiction, and even death can occur. Parents, we’ve been given the high calling and privilege of teaching our kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory. Warn them about the dangers of substance abuse.
Today we celebrate Thanksgiving. Many of us have gathered to enjoy a day filled with conversation, an abundance of food, and perhaps some football. If you’re like me, many of these long-held holiday traditions could wind up filling the day so full that we actually forget to pause and give thanks to God for His many blessings. This year, I’ve resolved to spend some time alone to pause and give thanks to God. I encourage you to do the same. I’m going to go outside and look around. I am grateful for my eyesight and for the all the beautiful things he put in the world for me to see. I will thank God for the people he has placed in my life. I will thank him for the luxuries of life that I tend to take for granted as if I deserve them. Finally, I am going to thank God for the difficulties of life. Perhaps your circumstances have you focused on your difficulties. If so, give thanks. It is through difficulties that God leads us to a deeper faith and dependence on Him.
Precocious puberty, also known as early puberty, takes place when a child’s body begins to change into an adult body too soon. In today’s world, puberty usually begins for girls around age eight, and around age nine for our boys. In recent years, there has also been research showing that in general, our kids are reaching puberty at earlier and earlier ages. There have been lots of different theories put forward regarding what’s causing this. Researchers tell us that one factor which triggers early puberty in girls are the fragrance producing chemicals that are in the commercial beauty and skin-care products that flood the market, and that have become especially popular among pre-teen and younger girls in recent years. Research indicates these fragrances have the potential to stimulate parts of the brain that trigger early puberty, risks of psychological problems, heart disease, and breast cancer associated with early puberty. Parents, keep an eye on the products your kids are using.
As a baby boomer, I’m part of a generation that believed that adulthood began at age eighteen, which usually coincided with the time a teenager graduated from high school and went into the work force or off to college. For generation z – those born between 1997 and 2012 – there’s the belief that adulthood doesn’t begin until sometime around the ages of twenty-seven to thirty. Researchers found that only eleven percent of Gen Z-ers say they feel like adults. One reason for this is that they don’t have the financial stability they believe they need to be considered adults, including being able to pay all their own bills, contributing to a retirement account, and having a life insurance policy. In fact, forty percent of those surveyed don’t think they’ll ever be financially stable. Perhaps we need to be more intentional about raising our kids to take on responsibility, coddling them less, requiring them to learn the value of work, and teaching them principles of biblical stewardship.
Here’s an interesting strategy to consider as you think about how to lead the teenagers you know away from a culturally-influenced self-centered lifestyle, to a God-centered lifestyle: pray for crisis to enter their lives. Self-centeredness with no room for God plays and advances well in a youth culture that feeds the beast of self-absorption from a deep well of luxury and wealth. Sometimes it’s not until the well runs dry through poverty, want, or crisis that our kids understand their thirst for what it really is – a longing not after self, but after God. While our kids might not see it as such, it’s a blessing when the clay feet on which a self-centered lifestyle is built crumble to dust. Sadly, that’s oftentimes what it takes for them to reach out to their heavenly Father. As John Stott reminds us about the prodigal son, “he had to ‘come to himself’ by acknowledging his self-centeredness, before he could ‘come to his father.’” While we hate to see our kids hurt, sometimes that hurt helps!
All this week we’ve been looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must curb the cultural tendency toward entitlement and self-centeredness by getting our kids engaged in counter-cultural mission. This does not mean that we need to be sure they get involved in a missions trip once or twice a year. Sure, those experiences can be valuable for our kids. But engaging in countercultural mission means living as a faithful presence wherever we are, by trusting God’s power and living differently from cultural norms. This means that we bloom for God as His ambassador wherever we are planted. We need to teach our kids to play to his glory, study to his glory, conduct themselves in relationships to his glory, and live every moment to his glory. Let’s pray that our kids grow to embrace and live the faith!
All this week we’re looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must ground and motivate our kids through training for vocational discipleship. This means that they know and live out God’s calling on their lives, especially in the arena of work while conforming their ambitions to God’s purposes. In today’s world, the culture teaches our kids to pursue work and vocation as a passport to privilege. Rather than seeing work as a way to serve God and further His kingdom, our work is about making money, pursuing fame, and building up the kingdom of me, myself, and I. One of the key opportunities facing the twenty-first-century church is to help kids learn that they have been made for something, and that something is a life where faith is integrated into their work.
All this week we’re looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must work to create a church and family culture where rather than separating the generations, meaningful intergenerational relationships are formed with fellow believers who live and model a deep faith in Jesus Christ. Our culture is marked by isolation and mistrust between different generations. Some specific ways to make this happen include starting a mentoring program at your church where an older believer is paired with a young person. Our worship services should be inter-generational rather than generationally-segmented. And our homes should be places where our kids are exposed to older Christians as we practice hospitality. Endeavor to give your kids the gift of sitting under the wisdom of those who are older.
All this week we’re looking at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must lead our kids into developing the muscles of cultural discernment. Exercising cultural discernment means that we all must take part in a robust learning community that seeks, under the authority of the Bible, to wisely navigate today’s rapidly changing culture. This means that we must develop their ability to compare the beliefs, values, customs, and creations of the world we live in with those of the world we belong to, which is the Kingdom of God. And once that comparison has been made, we need to anchor our lives to the theological, ethical, and moral norms of God’s Kingdom. Parents, in order to lead your kids into living counter-culturally to the glory of God, you must be doing the same.
With so many of our young adults graduating from high school and walking away from the faith, what can we do to lead them to embrace a lasting faith? All this week we’re going to look at David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock’s book Faith for Exiles, and the five ministry practices churches and families must pursue to lead kids into life-long faith. The research done by Kinnaman and Matlock indicates that in order to form a lasting faith, we must lead our kids into experiencing intimacy with Jesus. This is best done by clearing what they call the religious clutter that so easily sidetracks us. We’ve been complicit in presenting a Jesus to compete at the same level as our other affinities and affiliations. In addition we’ve expected way too little from our kids. They are more willing to be challenged than the church is willing to challenge them. And, parents must be living a life of spiritual vitality where they give everything they have and are over to Jesus. Let’s lead our kids into a deep and lasting faith.
Concentrate hard as I tell you about a new word that’s appeared in the always changing lexicon regarding sexuality and gender in today’s world. The word is “allocishet.” It’s spelled A-l-l-o-c-i-s-h-e-t. It’s actually a combination of three words. Allo, which means other describes those people who experience romantic attractions to others. Cis is short for cisgender, which indicates a person whose gender identity aligns with his or her biological sex. Het is short for heterosexual, which indicates someone who is attracted to the opposite sex. Combine cis and het and you have a word describing someone who is not LGBTQ+. The word allocishet describes what used to be seen as someone normal because they lived into their biological gender as a heterosexual. According to the current cultural narrative, anyone who is allocishet is seen as an oppressor. We need to teach our kids it’s a label used negatively for those who embrace God’s good design for sex and gender.
One of my own kids favorite events during their elementary school years was the annual book fair. A section of the cafeteria would be set up with a huge display put on by the folks at Scholastic Books. On their website, Scholastic Books tells us that just last year alone, twenty-eight million kids attended school book fairs, and that one hundred million books got into kids’ hands from the fair. If you click around on the Scholastic Books website you’ll soon discover that the company is now promoting a “read with pride” campaign, as they are, and I quote, “proud to celebrate LGBTQIA+ stories with new and award winning books for kids and teens!” Scroll down the page and you will learn about pride-themed books for young adults, for kids ages eight to twelve, and for readers as young as three to five. Our kids are forming their beliefs and behaviors all through their childhood and teen years. And with so many voices teaching them about sex and gender, it’s imperative that we teach them God’s design.
Imagine a factory where the workers come in for eight hour shifts. At the end of each shift, a whistle blows to signal that it’s time to pack up and go home. It’s eight hours of work and then time to punch out. There’s a new and different working trend among young adults that’s been labeled as “grind culture” or “hustle culture.” Works days are marked by a work hard and don’t go home mentality, all in an effort to increase production and climb the ladder. The World Health Organization reports that four hundred and eighty-eight million people around the world are putting in more than fifty five hours a week at work. As Christians, we are to work as unto the Lord. We are to be hard workers who pursue excellence. But if the motivating factor to our hard work is about bringing glory to something or someone other than God, then we are engaging in idolatry. Teach your children to see work as an act of worship, without sacrificing time with family, and time with the Lord.
Today, I want to talk about a research finding that might make your kids angry, but it might also help your kids perform better in school. A study published in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that a student’s cognitive performance may be improved if they walk to school, rather than be driven to school in a car or on the bus. It seems that God has wired our bodies in such a way that teenagers who engage in physical activity early in the morning wind up stimulating their brains in ways that contribute to increased cognitive performance during the school day. And because adolescent females are typically less active than their male peers, that early morning walk is especially helpful to our girls. While researchers do say that there are actually a multiplicity of factors that could be at work here, one thing is sure: this research reminds us that God made us as integrated beings. To be balanced, our kids need to get enough exercise. Make sure your kids are active and not dormant.
Last month, a bipartisan group of attorney generals from the District of Columbia and thirteen states came together to file lawsuits against TikTok, a social media platform popular among kids which they say was designed to be addictive to young users, and which harms the mental health of the developing young people who use it. At issue is the algorithm TikTok uses to customize which video content is sent to a user’s feed, all based on the user’s past preferences. This not only takes kids down into seemingly endless rabbitholes where they watch and watch and watch, but the suit alleges this leads to addiction. California attorney general Rob Banta says, “TikTok cultivates social media addiction to boost corporate profits. TikTok intentionally targets children because they know kids do not yet have the defenses or capacity to create healthy boundaries around addictive content.” Parents- do you know who can and should create healthy boundaries? It’s you!
How easy it would be if adolescence were an overnight phenomena. But the process of moving from childhood to adulthood takes time. In today’s world, the assumption that the adolescent years cease and a teen becomes an adult at the age of 18 is no longer valid. New discoveries regarding the human brain, along with a host of cultural forces, like later marriage, extended college education, massive debt, living at home, and delayed maturity have fueled things like extended adolescence and emerging adulthood. Some are even wondering if adolescence extends to the age of 30! This process can be grueling and frustrating for those parents who desperately want to see their kids make good choices on the road to adulthood, and arrive at the destination sooner rather than later. The tables turn and we become the ones asking over and over, “Are we there yet?!?” Remember, God is at work and the process may take some time. Be patient with your children as God is at work in their lives.
If you remember back to your own adolescent years, you probably remember how your emotions were at times like a roller-coaster. One minute you were happy. The next minute you were sad. Sure it differs from person to person and day to day, but those of us who work with or are raising kids know that teenagers can be up and down. A new survey from the Gallup organization has looked at the emotions of today’s ten to eighteen year olds, specifically asking them about the emotions they felt during the prior day. Overall, ninety-four percent say they had experienced happy emotions at some point during the prior day. Forty-five percent said they had felt stress. Thirty-eight percent report feeling anxiety, and twenty-three percent experienced sadness. Not surprisingly, these percentages were all higher for our girls than for our boys. Parents, be aware that your kids are experiencing a spectrum of emotions, and before giving them guidance and direction, take time to listen and to understand.
A Reddit user recently threw out this question to school teachers: “What screams ‘I have unlimited screen time’ in students?” Their answers give insights and warnings parents should hear and heed regarding digital addiction, distraction, attention deficit trait, relational breakdown, cognitive decline, the power of influencers, desensitization, and more. One second grade teacher responds, “I hear kids saying ‘my hand hurts’ while they are trying to write just one paragraph or cut out a square with scissors.” Another teacher says, “The kids don’t know what to do with themselves without an iPad.” Finally, one teacher says, “Watch how they act when their access to computers, phones, and ipads is cut off. We had a major internet outage, no signal, no wifi. The kids with decent parents groaned, pouted for a minute, and found something else to do. The kids with unlimited screen time had a complete meltdown for hours.” Parents, take note. Be a decent parent who sets borders and boundaries.
Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) is a degenerative brain disease found in those who have had repetitive brain trauma, which cannot be diagnosed accurately until one’s brain is examined after death. Looking back over the histories of deceased athletes, researchers have discovered that there are cases of CTE in athletes who never experienced a concussion. A connection has now been made between higher odds of developing CTE as a result of the number and strength of non-concussive head impacts experienced over one’s lifetime, also known as subclinical traumatic brain injuries (TBI), which typically show no immediate signs or symptoms. It’s not a single injury that causes the disease, but instead accumulation of microtrauma from thousands of hits over years. Parents, many of these unseen TBI’s take place in youth sports where the brain is developing and most vulnerable. Parents, you are called to steward the God-given safety of your kids bodies and brains!
One of the many new time-taking activities afforded to us by our ever-present smartphones is scrolling through online videos and reels. If you only take into account the YouTube video platform, about three-point-seven million new videos are uploaded every day. Talk about a rabbit-hole! Add to that Instagram and tiktok videos, and we could spend a lifetime looking at people scaring other people, people trying to back boats down boatramps, and cats doing whatever silly stuff cats do. A new study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology has found that swiping through online videos to relieve boredom may actually make people more bored and less satisfied or engaged with the content. This is caused primarily by our habit of digital switching, or watching only short snippets rather than complete videos. What would happen if rather than engaging in this digital switching, we invested our time engaging with real-life family and friends? Would that relieve our boredom?
All teenagers face great temptation. All teenagers make sinful choices that are at times devastating to themselves and to others. It’s who we are as broken human beings. But here’s some great advice for parents: The most important factor in determining whether that bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse is parental response. What would happen if your goal would be to redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for your teenager to become a more Christ-like person? I am constantly reminded of my responsibility to treat my sinful children the way my heavenly Father treats me when I’m the offending party – because there isn’t a day that goes by when I’m not. I learned a great lesson from Dr. John White when he was asked how he’d learned to relate to his own son’s rebellious and sinful choices. Dr. White said he’s learned to live his life according to this simple and profound principle: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.”
If you don’t think that marketing to kids and concerns about body image aren’t having an impact on children when they are of elementary school age, think again. Thanks to kids using smartphones and gaining access to TikTok and YouTube influencers, even pre-pubescent girls are concerned about the effects of aging on their skin. Consequently, many are spending large amounts of their parents’ money and huge amounts of time on high-end skin care products and routines including moisturizers, masks, mists, and cleansers. It’s gotten to the point that this is what a growing number of our pre-teen girls are asking for on their birthday gift lists. We should be concerned about their susceptibility to marketing and peer pressure, the promotion of vanity, and the resulting cost both financially and in terms of stress and anxiety. But we also need to be concerned about the growing body of evidence showing that these things are causing short and long term damage, including burns, rashes, and other allergic reactions.
Have you ever thought about how to best teach your kids about the proper balance between faith and works? In First Peter two ten we read that God has shown us great mercy and grace by giving us new life in Christ and calling us into God’s family. But we tend to forget that as God’s people we are now sojourners and exiles in this world, Peter goes on to tell us to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against the soul. Our commitment to good works and God-honoring behavior is to flow out of the gratitude we have for the gift of our salvation. Perhaps these words from Charles Spurgeon are words you can absorb into yourself, and pass on to your kids. Spurgeon writes, “Good works must be in the Christian. They are not the root, but the fruit of his salvation. They are not the way of the believer’s salvation, they are his walk in the way of salvation.” Parents, nurture your kids in ways that lead them to understand that true growth bears good fruit!
In a recent article in USA Today, dermatologist Dr. Brooke Jeffy talks about the recent obsession among Gen Z with getting Botox injections to correct perceived cosmetic flaws. Concerned about starting to look old, these young people are getting hammered with social media posts and videos that are fueling their anxiety about aging, and promoting Botox as a remedy for their concerns. Dr. Jeffy says that it’s mostly not necessary and just a real source of anxiety. She continues, “Oftentimes they’re moving their face and we don’t even see wrinkles, but this is what they’re afraid of.” A recent survey by the American Academy of Facial and Plastic Reconstructive Surgery says that close to three out of four plastic surgeons report an increase in the number of patients under the age of thirty requesting these treatments. The reality is that aging is a consequence of humankind’s sin, and no injection can fill a facial wrinkle or hole in the soul in ways that satisfy. Only Jesus can.
The folks at emarketer.com recently released their list of Gen Alpha’s top coolest brands. Gen Alpha is that cohort of kids born between 2013 and now. These are the kids we call digital natives, as they have never known life without smartphones, and as a result, they are heavily influenced by the marketing and content they encounter online. The streaming services YouTube and Netflix come in at number one and two. At number three sits Amazon, which is also a place to stream content, but more importantly offers handheld access into the world of finding and purchasing just about anything, along with all the marketing that goes with that. While there are good things to be accessed on YouTube, Netflix, and Amazon, we also know that there is content we need to supervise, moderate, and even limit. And because each of these platforms market all kinds of product, we need to use them as an opportunity to nurture kids into stewarding their time and money to God’s glory.
Earlier this year, the American Bible Society released their fourteenth annual State of the Bible report, which is put together to track cultural trends in the United States regarding spirituality and engagement with the Bible. This year’s report shows some encouraging trends regarding Gen Z – those born between 1997 and 2012 – and their relationship with the Bible. The folks at the American Bible Society rightly report that we live in a busier and busier world, which leads many to put their Bible’s aside or never engage in bible reading at all. This has led to a decrease in Bible reading among the younger generations in recent years. However, this year’s report tells us that fifty-four percent of Gen Z adults, ages eighteen to twenty-seven, agree that the message of the Bible has transformed their lives. That’s up from fifty percent in the prior year. Parents, this trend is sure to continue if we each make regular time to read the Bible with our children, thus fulfilling our calling to nurture our kids in the faith.
The office of the United States Surgeon General recently released a report entitled, “Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents.” In his introduction to the report, Surgeon General Murthy writes these words: “Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.” Of course, those of us who understand God’s design for the family and the role we are to play in the nurture of our children know this to be true. Murthy goes on to write these words: “The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for the health of society. Additionally, we know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children.” Murthy’s words capture the truth of a principle we all must understand: that our role is primary, and that we pass on to our kids who it is that we are. Parents, if you desire your children to be faithful followers of Jesus, you must be that yourself!
When you were growing up, how many times did you hear your parents begin a sentence with these words: “When I was your age. . .” What usually followed was some kind of revelation comparing the relative ease of teenage life in your world, with the unimaginable difficulties your parents faced during their own adolescence. This includes the stereotypical account of walking ten miles to school in sub-zero weather and three feet of snow. Recently, Pew Research asked parents, “compared with twenty years ago, do you think being a teenager today is harder, easier or about the same?” Nearly seven out of ten parents say that it’s harder today, than it was twenty years ago. When asked about what has made it harder, it’s not surprising that social media and technology are what sit at the top of the list. It’s good that we’re waking up to this fact. It will be even better if we fulfill our God-ordained parenting responsibility by establishing borders and boundaries on all things technology.
In a recent article in the Harvard Business Review, Kelsey Hansen writes about social media addiction as something that her younger self struggled with, even though at the time she didn’t realize just how addicted she was becoming. She confesses to noticing that her attention span and mental capacity were suffering. She’d be working on her school assignments, but constantly and repeatedly interrupting her work, checking on her social media accounts. She cites Max Fisher’s book on the designed addictiveness of social media, titled “the Chaos Machine: the Inside Story of How Social Media Rewired Our Minds and Our World”: Fisher talks about how social media platforms are designed to trigger a dopamine release in our brains. He writes, “Dopamine creates a positive association with whatever behaviors prompted its release, training you to repeat them.” This applies even to self-destructive behaviors. Parents, set borders and boundaries, and teach your kids to redeem their time.
Much of the research on kids and play indicates that our children and teens are spending more and more time involved in sedentary activity, and less time engaging in active play. It should come as no surprise that engaging the God-given gift of play will result in good outcomes both now and for the rest of their lives. The folks at project play tell us that the benefits of childhood physical activity are many. Kids are one-tenth as likely to be obese. They score up to forty percent higher on test scores. They are less likely to smoke, use drugs, and get pregnant. They are fifteen percent more likely to pursue higher education. They experience fewer mental health problems. As adults, they will grow up to experience fewer health issues including heart disease, stroke, cancer, and diabetes. And, they will be more productive at work. Parents, God has given you the responsibility to raise children who are spiritually, relationally, emotionally, and physically healthy. Get them playing!
All this week we’ve been looking at some strategies for reducing the stress you may be feeling as a parent. This comes in response to the recent Surgeon General’s advisory on Parents Under Pressure, and the fact that forty-one percent of parents say that they are so stressed they cannot function. My suggestion for you today is this: develop habits and rhythms of running to God and His Word. Do you realize that God is your faithful protector? We know that there are many challenges and problems facing our kids today, and these do cause us stress and anxiety. But Jesus tells us in Matthew 28 that he is always with us. In Hebrews 13 we read that God will never leave us. In I Peter five seven we are told to “cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” The Psalmist says, “When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” Counselor Ed Welch reminds us that our stressors and fears tell us that we are alone. But faith says “I am with you.” Trust in the Lord, and teach your kids to do the same.
All this week we’re looking at some strategies for reducing the stress you may be feeling as a parent. This comes in response to the recent Surgeon General’s advisory on Parents Under Pressure, and the fact that forty-one percent of parents say that they are so stressed they cannot function. My suggestion for you today is this: make sure that you and your family take a regular weekly Sabbath. Take a few minutes to read the Genesis account of Creation. In Genesis chapter two we read that when God had finished his work of creating all things, he rested on the seventh day from all the work he had done. We read that God blessed this seventh day and made it holy, a day set apart from work. In Exodus we read the fourth commandment which instructs us to remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Our word Sabbath comes from the Hebrew word for rest. God has made us for a rhythm of work and rest. Break that rhythm and you and your family will begin to break down. Practice a regular sabbath.
All this week we’re looking at some strategies for reducing the stress you may be feeling as a parent. This comes in response to the recent Surgeon General’s advisory on Parents Under Pressure, and the fact that forty-one percent of parents say that they are so stressed they cannot function. My suggestion for you today is this: stop facilitating a family lifestyle where you are running around, as my grandmother used to say, like a chicken with its head cut off! I continually hear parents lament the fact that they aren’t able to even sit down for a quiet family dinner because of activity schedules, many of those activities being focused on sports, extra-curricular clubs, and a host of other time-takers. While these things are good things when held in a healthy balance, the way we schedule our families now is wearing us out! Much of what feeds this insanity is comparison, as we don’t want our kids left behind. But when good things become ultimate life-directing things, we’ve moved into the sin of idolatry.
All this week we’re looking at some strategies for reducing the stress you may be feeling as a parent. This comes in response to the recent Surgeon General’s advisory on Parents Under Pressure, and the fact that forty-one percent of parents say that they are so stressed they cannot function. My suggestion for you today is this: pull back on the amount of time that you and your children spend each day looking at screens. TV’s, computers, and smartphones have been around so long that we now know while there are good aspects related to the use of these tools, they are among other things addictive, they lure us into wasting time, they lead us into the unhealthy practice of comparison to others, they leave us feeling lonely, and they make us anxious. All of these aspects and others combine to fuel stress that’s toxic, while keeping us from those things that are most important. Quiet times with the Lord are sure to suffer. Parents, peel back in ways that release the steam that’s built up in your life.
A United States Surgeon General’s advisory “is a public statement that calls the American people’s attention to an urgent public health issue and provides recommendations for how it should be addressed. Advisories are reserved for significant public health challenges that require the nation’s immediate awareness and action.” In the past, you’ve heard us cite advisories related to issues facing our children and teens. But the most recently released Surgeon General’s Advisory calls attention to the current crisis of stress and mental health issues among parents! This new advisory tells us that forty-one percent of parents say that most days they are so stressed they cannot function, and forty-eight percent say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming compared to other adults, and this before the Covid-nineteen pandemic. I want to invite you to listen in all this week as we offer some strategies and suggestions for dialing down on the stress that you may be feeling in your home.
One of the most quoted figures in the world of the occult is Alistair Crowley, an early twentieth century writer and self-proclaimed prophet whose anti-Christian influence continues to this day. Perhaps Crowley’s most popular phrase is this: “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.” Crowley taught and lived out a lifestyle marked by living under the sovereignty of one’s self, rather than under the sovereignty of God. In today’s world, Crowley’s dictum is made manifest in so many different ways, and it’s been adopted by those who have no idea who Alistair Crowley even was. Today, our kids are being encouraged to “be true to yourself”, and told to “you do you.” Is that really any different? Parents, your kids are growing up saturated in a cultural narrative that trumpets the self as sovereign. Teach your kids that a rightly ordered life is described by Jesus in Mark 12:30 where we read, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.”
The American Lung Association is reporting that while smoking conventional cigarettes and electronic cigarettes is on the decline among our children and teens, the use of non-combustible tobacco products known as “smokeless and spitless nicotine pouches” is growing in popularity. Thanks to marketing efforts and the viral nature of social media promotion, there has been a 641% increase in sales of products like Zyn, On!, Rouge, Velo, Juice Head, Zone, and Lucy. Research on these addictive nicotine delivery systems indicates that over a quarter of those who use them are under the age of 21. With nicotine sales limited by law to those over the age of 21, we must teach kids that God has given them the responsibility to obey the laws of the government. Finally, teach them that in First Corinthians 6:19 to 21, we learn that stewarding the health of their God-given bodies is not only their responsibility, but an act of worship.
I recently read a sentence in the First Things monthly journal that stopped me in my tracks. I went back and read it several times over. Eventually, I pulled out a pen and underlined it, knowing that it was worth going back to over and over again. I spotted the sentence in an article that regular columnist, Liel Liebovitz, had written about what it’s like to be a young person in today’s world. Liebovitz wrote, and I quote, that this is “a generation whose minds, hearts, and souls, are ravaged by a technological torrent that thrusts upon them more audiovisual stimuli per minute than the human brain can possibly process.” Let me read that again: this is “a generation whose minds, hearts, and souls, are ravaged by a technological torrent that thrusts upon them more audiovisual stimuli per minute than the human brain can possibly process.” Parents, what goes in through the ears and eyes of your kids will play out in their beliefs and behaviors for the rest of their lives. Are you paying attention?
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you are aware that debates have been raging regarding children and teens who say they are struggling with gender dysphoria. Thanks to social media and peer influence, more and more kids are announcing that their gender identity is something other than their biological sex. We can’t forget that all kids go through the process of identity formation, and with the transgender identity being touted as a legitimate identity option, more and more kids will choose to lean into that, especially those who are lacking in guidance and direction from loving adults. The good news on the secular front is that the research indicates that both the truly gender dysphoric and those who are choosing their identity thanks to the social contagion, will come to terms with their biological sex as they move through adolescence. Parents, don’t be quick to jump on the affirmation band-wagon. Instead, teach your kids that God in his love has created them either male or female.
My friend Luke Bobo recently wrote an article in which he encourages all of us to establish what’s known as “a rule of life.” Luke tells us that establishing a rule of life helps us to develop intentional habits that lead us to living a life of purpose and virtue. Luke gives us six recommendations that we can enlist and teach our kids regarding what it means to live by a rule of life. First, think God’s thoughts. We need to focus daily on reading God’s Word and journaling our thoughts and reflections. Second, work and rest. Do your work to the glory of God, and take a weekly Sabbath. Third, we need to feed our imaginations. Luke recommends reading two fiction books for every non-fiction book we read. Fourth, steward your body. We all could improve our diet and exercise routines. Fifth, take a sabbath from social media. And finally, cultivate your heart by doing a disordered loves inventory, seeing where you are worshiping idols and repenting of this sin.
One of the best guides for how to pray for our kids is the parable of the sower, which can be found in Mark four. As Jesus is teaching about the power of Gospel to transform lives, he uses this well-known agricultural parable to explain the different responses people have to the Gospel, based on the condition of their heart. You see, just as good soil is needed for a seed to take root and grow, so it is with our hearts. As we think about our children and teens, we must be praying that their hearts would be like good soil, softened and prepared in ways that will receive the seed of the Gospel, which in turn will result in the spiritual fruit that marks a regenerate life. And while we are to trust in God’s Spirit to do the work of faith in our kids, we have been given the parental responsibility to nurture our kids in the truths of God’s Word so that the soil is ready to receive and grow the seed. Pray for your kids, that their hearts would be soft, rather than hard, rocky, or filled with weeds.
I grew up as part of a generation that didn’t get excited about back to school shopping. All we wanted to do was make the most of each day of summer vacation, and a day or two dedicated to back to school shopping was an unwelcome and protest-sparking interruption. In today’s world, the great majority of kids love to back to school shop, as their clothing, water bottles, notebooks, and pens can be an avenue to fitting in with the peer group by sporting what’s most popular. Of course, this should always spark us to talk to kids from a Christian perspective about materialism, stewardship, identity, and marketing. But considering some of what’s being seen in the hallways now that our kids have been back to school for several weeks, you might want to laugh regarding today’s must-haves. The list includes old school 1970s era bic four-color pens, the 1980s trapper keep notebook, Crayola crayons, black marble composition books, and old school Texas Instruments calculators.
Do you remember cute little seven year old actress Drew Barrymore and her role in the 1982 blockbuster movie, ET. The Extra Terrestrial? Now a forty-two year old mother of two girls, Olive, age twelve, and Frankie, age ten, Barrymore is working like all of us to figure out how to navigate the world of smartphones and social media with her kids. After weighing the pros and cons, she decided to take away her daughter’s phone. A few weeks ago, she posted this on an Instagram post entitled, Phone Home. “I am writing in a very vulnerable way to put myself out there as a parent. And well, it’s personal for me. I wished many times when I was a kid that someone would tell me no. I wanted so badly to rebel all the time, and it was because I had no guardrails. I had too much access and excess.” Barrymore goes on to describe how she wound up institutionalized, which served her as a hard-core reset. Parents, are you willing to step in to cut down on digital access and excess?
The recently released U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents tells us that forty one percent of parents say that most days they are so stressed that they cannot function. Did you hear that? That’s four out of ten parents! At the end of the report, there is an action section which lists what parents and caregivers can do to reverse this trend. Three of the suggestions struck me as things that can happen in the context of our church ministries. First caring for yourself is a part of caring for your family. Are you sitting under the preaching and teaching of God’s Word, attending worship, and engaging in daily times with the Lord? Second, the report encourages nurturing connections with other parents and caregivers. Are you connecting with other parents in your church for fellowship, prayer, and support. Finally, empower yourself with information about mental health care. Are you going to the Scriptures to find rest and encouragement for your soul?
Back in the school days of today’s parents and grandparents, one’s thirst was quenched by a visit to one of a school’s many wall-mounted water fountains, and you sometimes had to wait in line! While bottled water has been around in some form since the sixteen-hundreds, it wasn’t until 1994 that Pepsi began test-marketing it’s filtered water brand, Aquafina. Now, single use plastic bottles are everywhere, and many schools have shut down the communal drinking fountain. Now, kids see their water-drinking habits as an opportunity to make an identity statement through personalized fifty dollar water bottles. Last year it was Stanley that reigned. Now, Stanley is so yesterday, with the Owala, Hydro Flask, and Lululemon bottles bringing the status. Parents, the water-bottle craze offers you a great opportunity for spiritual nurture, as you help your kids understand the push and pull of peer pressure, the influential power of marketing, and the need to find identity in Christ, and not a water bottle!
In his classic old book, “With Christ in the School of Prayer”, Andrew Murray offers us some sage advice that should spark our own regular self-reflection. It’s also advice we can pass on to our kids as we teach them to engage in self-reflection, both now and for the rest of their lives. Murray writes this: “The tone of my life during the day is God’s criterion of what I really am and desire.” What Murray was saying is that how I live moment by moment – the choices I make, the things I say, how I spend my time, and how I spend my money – all of those things speak loudly about who and what I worship. Regardless of what I might say, my life offers clear and unmistakable evidence of who I am and what I worship. I don’t know about you, but that causes me to pause and really consider whether I am truly endeavoring to follow Jesus Christ. Parents, your kids are watching you, and the tone of your life during the day will become their guideline for who they should be and what they should really desire. All of us must take up our cross and follow Jesus daily.
Today I want to speak to the mothers who are listening. If you know anything at all about today’s youth culture, you are aware that your daughters are facing tremendous body image pressure. As a result, all kinds of disordered eating have reached epidemic proportions among children and teens. If you’ve watched television, been on social media, or seen magazine covers you have a pretty good idea where much of this body image pressure comes from. But what many moms forget is that they can be a source of body image pressure as well. Every mother out there has been hammered by the body image pressure present in our culture. Consequently, your own words and example can actually fuel the same pressures in your daughters. In fact, experts at the Mayo Clinic say that Moms are probably the most important influence on a daughter’s body image. Mom, where do you find your identity? By finding your identity in Christ, you will help your kids to do the same.
Several years ago I began to notice ringing in my ears. Known as Tinnitus, I would describe my experience as souding like someone is blowing a never-ending high-pitched whistle in my ears. My issues come, I think, from listening to loud music earlier in my life. My concern for today’s children and teens has been fueled by a recent article in the BMJ Public Health Journal. A review of available evidence is showing that video gamers may be risking irreversible hearing loss and persistent ringing and buzzing in their ears due to exposing themselves to unsafe sound levels as they play their games. Wearing gaming headphones increases the risks. Research points to the fact that anything over eighty-five decibels can lead to hearing damage. Some video game sound levels can reach bursts of one hundred nineteen decibels, which is as loud as a bulldozer or motorbike. Parents, teach your kids to steward their bodies and hearing to God’s glory by turning down the volume.
How much money would you need to be happy? That’s the question The Harris Poll asked over two-thousand Americans over the age of eighteen from multiple generations, and the results are surprising, or maybe not. The survey found that almost six out of ten respondents think that happiness can be bought, and that the average person believes that they would have to have one-point-two million dollars in the bank to be truly happy. In addition, the average respondent thinks they would need to earn – fasten your seatbelt! – two-hundred-and-eighty-five-thousand dollars a year to be happy. What was most surprising to me was that Millennials, the generation born between 1981 and 1996, believe they would need to earn five-hundred-and-twenty-five-thousand dollars a year to be happy! Experience tells us the truth: that those who have a lot, are never happy and always want more. Ecclesiastes five ten reminds us, “Those who love money will never have enough.” Let’s tell our kids to pursue Christ and not money.
As he closes out his second letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul writes this: “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.” Paul’s desire for the Corinthians is the desire we should have for ourselves, that we are constantly working to be sure that we are staying on course as we progress in our growth in the Christian faith. I recently read this great suggestion from Donald T. Williams. He writes, “Whenever I am tempted to think that my sanctification is progressing rather well, I ask myself the following questions. Do I yet obey Jesus the way he deserves to be obeyed? Do I yet trust Jesus the way he deserves to be trusted? Do I yet love Jesus the way he deserves to be loved?” As Christian parents, we need to constantly be looking into the mirror as our lives are illuminated under the truths of God’s Word. These questions are so helpful, and they are questions we must teach our kids to ask of themselves for the rest of their lives.
Not a day goes by when I don’t hear or see one advertisement for an online sports gambling platform. With the Major League Baseball season gearing up your local broadcasts will mention not only what’s happening on the field, but the odds on a host of things occurring in the game along with an invitation to put money on anything and everything. Add to this the promotions and bonuses for signing up, and it’s no surprise that our kids are drawn into online sports gambling through the apps. And, while there are age restrictions, there’s nothing stopping kids from lying about their age and getting involved. Parents surveyed regarding their concerns about the risks of online betting for teens ages fourteen to eighteen put debt, gambling addiction, a ruined credit score, and drug and alcohol abuse at the top of their list. Teach your kids that God has promised to provide for our needs. He doesn’t instruct us to gamble to get it. Rather, we are to work to meet our needs and to bring glory to Him.
Besides warning our kids about the spiritual and legal issues related to underage drinking, we must also warn them about the damage that underage drinking does to their still not-fully-formed brains. In today’s world, more and more kids are engaging in binge drinking. That is, consuming five or more drinks in a period of two hours. Researchers have now found conclusive evidence that drinking during adolescence can lead to structural damages in the brain that can easily result in memory and cognitive deficits that can persist into adulthood. In other words, drinking as a child or teen can effect the brain even if the person stops drinking as they go through life. Parents, talk to your kids about the dangers of drinking, and encourage them to be good stewards who care for their God-given bodies. Warn them about the dangers of exposure to high doses of alcohol during their adolescent years. What they choose to do now can and will affect them for the rest of their lives.
Kristen Jenson at defendyoungminds.com wrote an article entitled, Today’s Porn Industry: Five Things Every Parent Needs to Know. Parents, as you engage in continued conversations with your kids about the dangers and sinful nature of this horribly broken and addicting expression of God’s good gift of sexuality, keep in mind these warnings from Jenson. First, the porn industry is complicit with the sex trafficking of minors, rape, and pedophilia. Porn has become synonymous with sex crimes. Second, the pornography industry makes hard-core pornography available for free. If it doesn’t find your kids, your kids will find it. Third, pornography normalizes incest, racism, and violence to women. Fourth, the porn industry is a mainstream big corporate business. Yes, computer scientists, lawyers accountants, and HR execs are all a part of the scheme. And finally, the porn industry is doing all they can to deny the truth, to disinform, and to defame their critics. Parents, protect your kids from pornography.
One of my favorite memories of childhood was reaching the age where from time to time, my parents would allow me to sleep over at a friends house. I remember the joy of staying up late, watching movies, and eating pizza with a group of buddies. My kids experienced sleepovers as well. In today’s world, there’s a movement away from sleepovers that I think is warranted. We live in a world where we’re learning more and more about predators and sexual abuse. When a child is a victim of sexual abuse, ninety percent of them know their attacker. Half of those known abusers are family members, and the other half are acquaintances and friends. Prudence should cause us to err on the side of caution. The truth is that once kids are asleep, they are doing something they could also be doing at home. Now parents, are okaying what’s called “sleepunders”, where the kids get picked up at bedtime, or when their parents are done visiting together. Parents, don’t live in fear, but exercise wisdom.
The first question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism is this: “What is the chief end of man?” I have found that the answer informs all that we are and everything we do in our lives. The answer is this: “To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Everything we do in life is an act of worship, and everything we do in life should be done to glorify God. This includes how we drive. This should cause us to think about the speed we drive, how we react to and interact with other drivers, and how we respond to traffic jams and slowdowns when we are in a hurry. Parents, as the one’s who train our kids to drive, it’s about more than how to operate an automobile. New findings from the 2023 Drowsy Driving Survey from the National Sleep Foundation found that one in six teens report driving drowsy during their first two years behind the wheel, and most believe that drowsy driving is not as dangerous while driving drunk or distracted. Parents, this is an aspect of driver training we mustn’t avoid.
In the past, you’ve heard me mention the results of initial research regarding the difference between reading text on a printed page, versus reading text on a screen. Researchers found that there is a fundamental difference between the two, as eye scans show that those who read on the printed page read line by line, and those who read on a screen tend to skip over text while looking for keywords. A new study looked at screen and print reading differences among children ages ten to twelve, that three year period which is most critical in reading development. This is the time when students shift from learning to read, to reading to learn. The initial findings indicate a greater depth of processing when reading from the printed page. Deeper comprehension and deeper learning occur. Since more and more kids are reading off screens, this could indicate the declines in text comprehension skills of thirteen year olds. Parents, don’t throw out the books. And most of all, keep your kids reading printed Bibles.
Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today’s world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids’ every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God’s design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God’s will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!
With the advent of the internet and online pornography, the male to female gap on pornography exposure and use has been closing. The latest research indicates that fifty-seven percent of females ages fourteen to eighteen have viewed pornography. Pornhub states that over one-third of their global viewership was female in 2022, which is an increase of fifty-one percent since 2014. A survey conducted by the she recovery.com pornography support site for women offers up some sobering statistics on age of first exposure. Over eleven percent of the female respondents said they were first exposed to pornography at seven years old or younger, and forty-seven percent said their first exposure was between eight to twelve years old. By the time they were seventeen, over three-quarters had viewed pornography. We need to teach our kids to avoid the undoing that comes with viewing fallen expressions of God’s good gift of sex and sexuality. Parents, teach your kids from a young age.
There are two phrases in Scripture that we must pay attention to, understand, and teach to our kids. They are, “In this life”, and “In the end.” These two phrases are so helpful in giving us a proper perspective on the difficult things we will face in this world. When we read the Bible we learn that in this life there will be pain, sorrow, disease, discord, decay, death, and a host of other realities. This life is filled with all kinds of things as a result of human sin and the world not being the way its supposed to be. Be we do not live as those who have no hope. You see, in the end will be the glorious restoration of all things to the way they are supposed to be. And so, we will find ourselves living now with both heartache and hope as we groan with all creation for that day when our mourning will be turned into dancing! Are you teaching your kids to live their lives in light of eternity? Or, are you leaving them to a cultural narrative which encourages them to live as they wish for the moment?
One of the greatest gifts I received in my life was the gift of an active and involved father. My father not only took the time to be around and spend time with me, but to teach me about Jesus and what it means to live with Christ as the Lord of my life. Those were great benefits to having a loving and involved father. But there’s more! Researchers tell us that when a dad gets involved in his child’s life, that child will learn more, perform better in school, and exhibit healthier behavior. Children with involved dads have fewer emotional and behavioral problems in adolescence. Teens who feel close to their dads grow up to have healthier marriages. And girls who have a strong relationship with their dad during their teenage years move into adulthood without as many psychological issues and distresses. Dads, your heavenly father has given you the gift of your children. He has also given you to them as a gift. Love your children as you’ve been loved by your heavenly father.
The Bible speaks from beginning to end about the presence and benefits of suffering. James tells us that we’re to “consider it all joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance,” which then leads to maturity. The teenage years bring difficulty for both teenagers and their parents. As a result, we can experience the joy of going deeper with God and depending on him during the challenges of adolescence. We’ve learned that the harder the difficulty, the deeper God is taking us. He wants us at the place where we drop our arms to our sides, look to him in desperation, and then confess, “Ok Lord, I’ve got nothing.” Suffering is a process God uses to refine us and our kids into His image and likeness. If we had to do it all over again as parents, would we change the circumstances that led us to suffering and helplessness? Absolutely not! It’s been a gift that’s taken us deeper in our dependence on Him.
In our good and necessary efforts to teach our kids God’s good creational design for sexuality and gender, I’m afraid that we can oftentimes unintentionally leave our kids less than compassionate towards those who are struggling with sex and gender confusion, or who are choosing to believe and live into the current cultural narrative. One of the things I tell parents is that we do not have a good history of treating those who believe and behave differently in ways that Christ would treat them. A recent survey found, not surprisingly, that self-identifying bisexual, gay, and lesbian Americans report higher rates of bullying than those who are heterosexuals. Thirty-five percent of heterosexuals report being bullied during their teen years, while fifty-six percent of gay or lesbian, and sixty-two percent of bisexuals report being bullied as teens. We must teach our kids to recognize sin, but to also be compassionate to all of God’s divine image-bearers.
Ever since teenage drug abuse ramped up in the nineteen sixties, schools, mental health professionals, the government, and parents have all been working to stem the tide of abuse and addiction. One of the greatest concerns has been the very real risk of death from drug overdose. I’m guessing that all of us have been touched by overdose death, perhaps in our families or circle of friends. Sadly, the latest research tells us that drug overdose deaths among teens more than doubled between twenty nineteen and twenty twenty, and this, in spite of the fact that there was also a decline in teen drug use. We also know that Fentanyl is now involved in at least seventy five percent of teen overdose deaths. With drug suppliers now mixing fentanyl in with other drugs, we need to exercise greater diligence in warning our kids about drug abuse. Pray that your teens would have a heart bent on following God, and that He would spare them from the scourge of illicit drugs.
I’ve always been fascinated by reports that deliver data on how values, attitudes, and behaviors have changed from one generation to another. The American Enterprise Institute recently released a report that had some discouraging and some encouraging news. For my generation of baby-boomers, fifty-four percent, reported drinking alcohol or smoking pot or cigarettes occasionally during their teen years. For Gen Z, born between 1997 and 2012, that number has decreased to thirty-two percent. This is encouraging news that should drive us to keep our prevention efforts moving forward. The discouraging news is that while seventy one percent of Baby Boomers attended religious services during their teen years, that number has dropped to fifty-two percent for those from Gen Z. Parents, our greatest desire for our kids is to see them grow up to become faithful followers of Jesus Christ. Being an active member of a church should be part of their teen experience.
Over the course of the last couple of years, I, like you, have seen countless television commercials for law firms inviting viewers to engage in lawsuits for a variety of causes, many times because of exposure to contaminants at Camp LeJeune, or for illnesses like Mesothelioma. I’ve often times turned to my wife to tell her that we are not far from seeing the same kinds of ads pop up for those who were encouraged and perhaps forced into gender transitioning steps by parents, medical doctors, educators, and others. The reality is that several suits are now in progress, and there are law firms working to announce their willingness to represent detransitioners who want to sue those who lied about the dangers of these medical interventions. Parents, this reminds us of our need to not only advocate for our kids with sensibility, but to do so from a biblical perspective. At creation, God made two genders, and he has created all people to live into the gender that was given at conception.
For our kids, especially our girls, there is an ever-present pressure causing them stress and anxiety that is undermining their mental and physical health. The pressure I’m talking about is the pressure they feel to conform their body shape and weight to appearance standards that value thinness as the passport to acceptance. Because this pressure is so strong during adolescence, our teens are vulnerable to not only feeling the pressure, but trying to answer the pressure by enlisting the dangerous practice of using weight-loss products. Over six percent of American teens report using a weight-loss product in the last thirty days, with instances that are higher among girls. Researchers say there’s a correlation between the use of these products in girls with low self-esteem, parental influence to lose weight, self-body dissatisfaction, and peer groups that value thinness. Parents, buffer the pressure by helping your kids value the development of their insides, rather than their outsides.
In the past you’ve heard me say that roughly seventy-percent of our kids who play organized sports drop out by the age of thirteen. One of the main reasons cited is the pressure they feel from parents and coaches, a pressure that becomes unbearable and which drains the fun out of playing the sport. Now that we live in a social media saturated world, there seems to be a new reason for our kids to drop out of sports. A recent survey found that kids are dropping out due to the fact that they don’t think their bodies measure up to the idealized athletic body types they are seeing on social media. Researchers found that kids who had concluded they didn’t have the right body were defining the right body by what they saw on TikTok and Instagram. Not surprisingly this reason for dropping out was cited more often by our girls than by our boys. Parents, we need to promote the value of Godly character over body type, and we need to encourage our kids to play and have fun.
I remember what a qualified parenting expert I used to be. In fact, I was at my best in knowing how to parent correctly before I even had kids. And then our kids came. I had a lot of repenting to do, and I also needed to know where to look for the best advice. My bookshelf is filled with Christian parenting books that helped us along the way as we were raising our own kids. We also went to our parents for advice on many of the everyday tasks of parenting that sometimes left us confused and looking for help. Researchers at the University of Michigan are reporting that parents are now bypassing advice from their parents along with parenting books. Instead, and not surprising, they are going to social media for guidance on potty training, sleep issues, and child discipline. Here’s the rub: you can find anything on social media, and how do we know it’s trustworthy? We recommend that you navigate social media with caution, and filter any advice you receive through the lens of God’s Word.
I recently had to double-back to my office after leaving for the day. I found myself in a bit of a panic as I had left my smartphone on my desk. Truth be told, there was a part of me feeling that if I was not reunited with my phone, things could go bad very quickly. When I came to my senses, I realized that I had spent roughly two-thirds of my life without a smartphone, and the reality was that life was fine, and even better, in those good old land-line-only days. While our smartphones are helpful, there are so many ways in which they undermine our well-being. One such issue in today’s world is the issue of phones in school. One school district in Virginia found that about a third of the district’s teachers were telling kids to put their phones away five to ten times during a class period. Fifteen percent had to do so more than twenty times a class. Our kids physical, mental, and academic health is suffering. How is it affecting their spiritual health? Parents, we need to set limits!
As a dad, I remember the concern I felt as my daughters started to enter puberty and transform according to God’s good design, from little girls into women. I knew that with the shift through adolescence they would face new pressures in a world that puts a premium on body image, sexuality, and appearance. We worked hard to prepare them, buffer them, and guide them through this stage, all the while endeavoring to lead them more deeply into a relationship with Jesus Christ. According to the latest research, those of you raising girls need to be on high alert at earlier ages, as the new data shows that puberty is starting earlier, with girls developing breasts as young as age six or seven. While not all the reasons are known, researchers have seen links with childhood obesity, exposure to environmental chemicals, and stress. While it might make you uncomfortable, we need to be having conversations about Godly sexuality and body image at younger and younger ages.
One of the best lessons I learned from my parents is that there is more to life than sitting around and doing nothing. My parents were available to us on those quiet evenings when it would have been easy to plop down in front of the tube. But they always had something fun to do. We would play board games or cards, wrestle or box with my dad, build models, work in the basement woodshop, etc. Sure we watched TV, listened to the radio, and played records. But those voices were tempered by the involvement of our parents in our lives. We even learned to enjoy listening to our parents; there was good communication taking place. Because I had such fun-loving parents most of the neighborhood kids wanted to spend time at my house. In today’s world, the two greatest distractions to family time and fun are first, a full schedule of organized activities, and second, everyone keeping their faces buried in their phones. Make an effort to connect by disconnecting from the distractions.
I recently read a Touchstone Magazine interview with Princeton University professor Dr. Robert George, where he warns Christians about buying into the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity. He says that these categories are modern inventions. He goes on to say that it has very bad consequences if we enable Christians who experience same-sex desire or gender dysphoria, which as a matter of feeling is a reality”, that it actually is reality. He says that we should never ridicule those who struggle as they do deserve our care. He writes, “They need to be told the truth. And it’s not telling them the truth to say that, ‘well, your gender identity is female while your sex is male.” The ninth commandment tells us that we shall not bear false witness, or lie, to our neighbor. Parents, this couldn’t be more important for us to embrace as we interact with our children in a world of gender confusion. Tell them the truth about who God made them to be.
I recently read a piece in the New York Times written by Callie Holterman. The headline read, “In candy shades and eggy shapes, many of today’s most popular vaping devices look like toys. Experts worry they will hook a new generation of users.” After reading the article, I went online to look through one of the many online vape outlets that serve as clearinghouses for a host of vaping devices and supplies. I was greeted with everything Holterman’s article discussed, along with four hundred and twenty different products from which to choose. I was invited to shop by brand or type, along with an option for shopping by flavor, with flavors listed being too long to mention here, but including things like Banana, Grape, Lush Ice, and Blue Razz. . . all designed to attract new young users. Parents, you need to know that vaping is not a safe alternative to smoking conventional cigarettes. They are addictive and dangerous. Teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory.
The law of cause and effect is a universal law which states that for every single action in the universe, a reaction is produced no matter what. I’ve seen the principle of cause and effect active in my own life in so many ways. For example, when I eat more, I gain weight. And conversely, when I eat less and exercise more, I lose weight. As we approach the twenty-year mark since the advent of smartphones, we’re learning more about cause and effect as it relates to technology. New research from the dcdx marketing firm reports that seventy three percent of young people ages fifteen to seventeen report sometimes or always feeling alone. This rise parallels a rise in the amount of screentime. It’s not a stretch to conclude that more time spent with screens means less time with people, thereby leading to loneliness. The triune God has made us for relationships, first and foremost with him, and then with family and friends. Help your kids disconnect in order to reconnect with others.
In today’s world, one of the ways in which we divide people into groups and rate their value is according to their jobs. Parents, we have to teach our kids something different. I love these words of truth from Abraham Kuyper: "Preachers and plumbers aren't any different. What God requires of them each is the same: not a dime's less than everything. Missionaries are no more holy than factory workers or soccer players or the unemployed. Life, lived near unto God, is holy service. . . Whether you do art, bus tables, lay concrete, clean toilets, bring up kids, care for the elderly, perform brain surgery, pump gas, clean teeth, play football, or shine shoes - no matter what you do - do it to his honor and glory. After all, our life is a whole, the component parts of which - play, duty, leisure - must be wrapped in our love like a present, then laid at the feet of our God." Parents, God has gifted your children in unique ways. Teach them to live into their gifts, that all work matters to God, and all work brings him glory!
The Genesis eleven story of the tower of Babel is one we need to pay attention to in our social media saturated world. In his book, This World is Not My Home, Mark Johnston writes that man’s motive behind the vast tower of Babel efforts was, as we read in Genesis eleven four, “to make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.” Johnston continues, “the Babel instinct in the human psyche has lingered on through the entire history of our race. From man’s attempts to literally build a name for himself by constructing great works of architectural genius, to his efforts to establish kingdoms and empires, human beings have tried to secure themselves in their world through all manner of tangible means. We try to build our own little worlds without God through our careers, achievements, families, and other things in the hope they will provide the security and sense of identity we crave.” Parents, teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ alone.
“Are you in a relationship?” “do you have boyfriend?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Are you dating anyone?” These are all questions from curious friends and relatives that teenagers have historically had to navigate as part of the adolescent and young adult experience. It’s not unusual for the answers given to leave members of the older generation scratching their heads. You see, the nature of romantic relationships and how they are navigated by kids has changed over the years. Now, let me confuse you even more with a new term that’s being used: situationship. A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship that lacks any kind of commitment or traditional norms. If you’re in a situationship, it can include spending time together, affection, and sexual activity. It’s been described as more than a friendship and less than a committed relationship. This new reality must prompt us to teach what God’s Word says about friendships, dating, sexuality, and the beauty of covenantal marriage.
Parents, there is some interesting news about teenagers and sex coming out of the University of California, San Francisco. Researchers asked four thousand adolescents from seven hundred and fifty one neighborhoods and one hundred and fifteen schools in Alabama, Texas, and California questions about the quality of their relationships in their homes and in their neighborhoods. Questions focused on how much time families and neighbors spend with one another. The research found that kids whose parents restricted their dating were fifty-five percent less likely to have sex by tenth grade. Other factors contributing to the decision to not have sex by tenth grade include spending less time at home alone, coming from a cohesive family, and living in a close-knit neighborhood. We shouldn’t be surprised that valuing and building up our families and relationships with our kids would have this result. God desires us to nurture our children in the faith, raising them in a Christian home.
If you attend a church that has coffee available on Sunday mornings, you might have noticed that there are more and more children and teens heading to the pots for a cup of the caffeine-infused beverage. Researchers at the C.S. Mott Children’s hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan are telling us that surveys of parents indicate that thirty-one percent of thirteen to eighteen year olds are drinking coffee regularly. We already know that our kids have been chugging down other types of caffeine infused drinks for years. It’s no surprise that average daily caffeine intake has risen among children and teens over the years. When asked why they are drinking more caffeine, kids cite the fact that caffeine is in many of the drinks they love, along with pressure from their peers. Last year, Starbucks earned twenty one million dollars from teens using their app. Too much caffeine is harmful to our kids. That’s why we need to teach them to steward their bodies to God’s glory.
In a recent edition of Salvo magazine, physician Bruce Woodall describes a conversation he had with one of his patients, a young middle school girl named Jessica. Struggling with how her body was changing Woodall had the opportunity to talk through Jessica’s sense that she was born in the wrong body, and that she was actually transgender. Woodall asked lots of questions, listened intently, and answered her questions with truth. He says Jessica is an example of how insecurity among the young is fertile ground for the transgender ideology. He concludes with these words: “For the kids to be alright, they need the presence and guidance of adults – caring, rational adults who are vigilant and ready to listen so that the young person feels heard and seen but who are also ready to provide calm, clear reasoning as to why they should doubt the whole premise of transgender ideology, rather than doubting the reality and goodness of their own bodies.”
Parents, today I want to encourage you to step back and take stock of the preaching ministry at your church. You see, we are living in a day and age when the cultural agenda is shaping the content of many sermons, when it should be the Word of God faithfully interpreted and preached that should be shaping our response to the culture. In his excellent book, “Faithful Leaders and the Things That Matter Most”, Rico Tice tells leaders that the preacher God approves of, according to second Timothy two fifteen, is the one who correctly handles the word of truth. Tice says that the faithful preaching of God’s Word will feed souls, while false teaching feeds on souls. He writes, “False teaching dazzles, then it distorts, then it diverts, and finally it destroys.” In order to faithfully fulfill our nurturing responsibilities as Christian parents, we need to be regularly fed as we sit under the faithful preaching of God’s Word. Are you at a church which upholds biblical authority?
Today, I want to mention a youth culture trend that is not only shaping the lives of children and teens, but adults as well. Specifically, I’ve seen this trend take root and grow among many who lead and guide kids, and who should know better. I’m talking about youth pastors. Just as our kids are pushed to promote themselves and pursue fame and a following through social media, the same pressure pushes on us. Youthworkers, Jesus spent his life pursuing faithfulness rather than fame. How would things change if we did the same? Are you caving to the pressure to build an online following and recognition? I think our ministries would thrive if we would stop this kind of nonsense. Wouldn’t it be freeing if we weren’t always worrying about and wasting time developing a following? I’m reminded of the words of my friend and youth ministry veteran Rich Van Pelt, “You take care of the depth of your ministry. Then, let Jesus take care of the breadth of your ministry.”
If you’ve got kids who play youth sports, and that’s true for the majority of parents these days, I want to share with you some words from Linda Flanagan in her excellent book, “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports, and Why It Matters.” Flanagan writes, “Travis Dorsch heads a team at Utah State University that looks at how spending on sports affects families. His research found that the more money parents devote to a child’s sport, the less the child enjoys it, and the more pressure he or she feels. At the same time, the more parents pay, the more emotionally invested they become in the outcome of their child’s games. Children who understand that their parents might seek a return on the investment they’ve made lose their athletic verve. The intrinsic delight of playing gets squashed by parental pressures.” Parents, are you listening? There’s nothing wrong with youth sports. But when we idolize sports and our kids success, we are in the wrong, and it hurts them.
In recent months, we are hearing more and more stories of detransitioners who are renouncing and speaking out about their prior self-identification of being transgender. Research in the journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior, reports on interviews with seventy-eight individuals from the United States, ages eighteen to thirty-three who had stopped identifying as transgender at least six months prior to the interview. Their average age for first identifying as transgender was seventeen point one years of age, and they had done so for an average of five point four years before detransitioning. Eighty three percent had taken steps to transition socially, and sixty-eight percent had taken at least one medical step. Most reported that they had embraced the ideology because of prior mental health issues and trauma. They report better psychological health since detransitioning. These stories are becoming more widespread, and we shouldn’t be surprised.
David Adamovich is regarded as the worlds greatest knife thrower. He’s known as the “Great Throwdini,” and in his performances, he works with a “target girl’ who gets strapped to a spinning wheel. Adamovich then works to carefully throw his sharp and sparkling knives close to her head and body without hitting her. As I watched Adamovich do his thing, I wondered what was going through the head of his target girl. My guess is that she was thinking, “He’d better get this right!” And Adamovich had to be thinking, “I better get this right.” As parents we’d better get it right. This is especially true as we teach our kids about sex and sexuality in a culture where anything goes. The reality is that to get it right, we have to be true to the Scriptures interpreted correctly, and embraced and taught by the church over her long two-thousand year history. Parents, get it right by knowing and teaching the truths of God’s Word with accuracy and precision!
When Jesus told his followers the parable of the Good Samaritan, he wanted his listeners to know that if they had embraced their purpose in life to follow him, they would then view anyone in need as a neighbor. They would follow in the footsteps of the Samaritan who gave everything in response to the wounded man’s need. Those who are followers of Christ are called to self-sacrificing lives of compassion. The message of today’s market-driven world is the exact opposite. Instead of looking out for others, we are to look out for number one. In this kind of world, there is a decrease in generosity and an increase in selfishness. In this kind of world there is less concern for neighbor and more concern for self. In this kind of world there is a decline in civility. In this kind of world we do anything and everything possible – including using people as means to our ends – to get ahead of anyone and everyone else. This is not who we are called to be. Lead your kids to show the compassion of Christ.
When I was in elementary school, I remember pulling a stool up to the medicine cabinet in my grandparent’s bathroom in order to grab my grandfather’s old spice decanter, from which I would splash on a healthy dose of the cologne. Of course, I never got away with it due to everyone smelling the evidence of what I had done. In today’s world, Old Spice and other cheaper cologne brands like it are now frowned upon by our kids. Thanks to a new viral TikTok trend, what’s called smellmaxxing has boys as young as ten spending large amounts of money on designer colognes. Piper Sandler reports that teen boys’ annual spending on fragrances jumped twenty-six percent last year. The trend is being fueled by people like the young TikTok influencer known as the cologne boy who has well over a million followers. And once some kids buy in, peer influence leads others to follow. This new trend offers parents an opportunity to talk about identity, financial stewardship, and the trap of coolness.
It’s no secret that the arrival of the internet, the smartphone, and social media have made pornography easily accessible to all kids. Perhaps you’ve already seen and heard the evidence about the addictive nature of visual pornography, among both our boys and our girls. The folks at defendyoungminds.com are now sounding the warning about the proliferation of pornographic literature among our teenage girls, and what it’s not only doing to their minds, but to their beliefs and behaviors regarding God’s good gift of sexuality. The exposure to and use of erotic lit and lit porn is a gateway into pornography and the desensitization and sexualization that is taking place in our young girls. Parents, we encourage you to monitor what your kids are reading, along with what they are looking at online. Talk to your kids about the addictive and destructive nature of pornography, along with God’s good and glorious design for their sexuality. They are sexual beings, so nurture them properly.
Recently, my wife and I were having a conversation with a couple of single young women who were lamenting the fact that they were not yet married. We certainly didn’t want to discourage them, but we also didn’t want to encourage the cultural notion that in order to be happy and fulfilled, one must be married. We also didn’t want to encourage any false ideas that suggest that once you are married, you are in for smooth sailing. After our conversation, I got to thinking about our need to help our kids understand two things about marriage. First, God has designed and ordained marriage. He wants a man and a woman to commit to each other. But there’s a second side. We have to let our kids know that marriage is not a cure-all. In fact, when two broken people come together, they commit to living with the brokenness of another. But with God as the cement that keeps them committed and moving forward, marriage will be a blessed, yet sometimes difficult road.
Parents, as you help your kids learn how to steward their God-given bodies to His glory by maintaining their health, you need to keep in mind some new research findings from Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia regarding our kids and high blood pressure. Hypertension is a health issue here in the U.S., and you might surprised to learn that it’s not just a problem for adults. One in seven kids ages twelve to nineteen have hypertension. Traditionally, doctors have blamed being overweight and a lack of physical exercise as causal factors. But now, they are citing an additional cause: lack of adequate sleep. Did you know kids under the age of six need ten to thirteen hours of sleep per night for healthy growth and development? Kids ages six to twelve need nine to twelve hours a night. Those ages thirteen to eighteen need eight to ten hours per night. Take stock of how much sleep your kids are getting, and be sure that their phones are removed from their rooms overnight.
Today we conclude this week’s look at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. The strategy we need to address is one that is difficult, simply because it’s employed in times of deep family pain and hurt. It’s our need to respond redemptively to our kids’ sin, failures, and mistakes. All teens – like us – face temptation. And all teens – like us – will make dangerous and sinful choices. Your goal should be to help the kids you know and love redeem these situations by turning a sinful mistake into an opportunity for the teen to experience God’s grace, and become a more Christlike person. Don’t ever write off a teen or a difficult situation as irredeemable. Rather, treat your teen as you know your heavenly father treats you when you are the offending party. Difficult times will come. Parents, we are called to love and lead our kids to wholeness through repentance and restoration.
This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. One important strategy is to respond preventively to the negative cultural forces your kids face. As the parent of four children, I knew enough about young kids to know that they might wander into the street, talk to strangers, or reach for hot objects. As a result, I did my best to help them learn not to. Likewise, if we care about the spiritual health of our students, we should answer any faulty directions given by the map of today’s youth culture in a preventive fashion. We need to pass on valuable information we’ve learned about life so that our kids adopt values, attitudes, and behaviors that keep them from harm and provide for their well being. Parents, God has given you the responsibility to provide sound preventive guidance and direction to your kids. Think with them about how God wants them to live in His world.
This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. Make an intentional effort to look for and seize opportunities to speak biblical truth into their lives in response to the realities that exist. In effect, you are preaching the truths of the Gospel to your kids. Looking in the soup of youth culture will reveal the realities that exist. Spending time with Jesus in his word will shape your biblically faithful response. At times, you will find yourself affirming that the map of culture is sending students in the right direction. At other times, you’ll challenge the map when it sends them down the wrong road. If you’re a youth worker, look for every opportunity to point kids in the right direction. And if you’re a parent, don’t ever forget that God has given you primary responsibility for the spiritual nurture of your children. Lead the kids you know and love to the truth.
This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. To begin, we must continually work to know how the culture is changing. One theologian once said that “every Christian should start their day with the Bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other.” This is great advice. Look at the changing soup of youth culture by listening to what they listen to, reading what they read, and watching what they watch. Keep your ears and eyes open for news stories about them, advertisements targeting them and artwork done by them. Observe kids and their posts on social media. Like the apostle Paul when he found himself in the pagan city of Athens, don’t open your mouth until you’ve opened your ears and eyes. The world of our children and teens is changing at breakneck speed. It’s our responsibility to know what’s happening so that we can effectively cross-cultures into their world.
Culture is what we believe, what we do and how we live our lives from day to day. It binds us to those who think and live in similar manner. It’s the values, attitudes and behaviors that drive how we live our lives. I’ve always found it helpful to view youth culture as the soup our kids swim in everyday. Consequently, if we want to engage students for the sake of the gospel, we’d better take the time to know what’s in the soup. In one of my local restaurants, the soup bar features three selections. I’ve watched how people choose their soup. They lift the lid off the pot, stir the soup, lift the ladle, and examine the soup’s ingredients. If we are to effectively engage our students with the truths of the gospel, we must step up to their world, lift the lid and look carefully at the unique and ever-changing mix of cultural elements they swim in everyday. All this week we’ll be looking at ways to engage the soul of today’s youth culture.
Today, I want to take a minute to offer some encouragement to parents who are enduring difficult times with their kids. If you’re currently struggling as a parent, you are not alone. All of us are broken people raising broken kids. But there’s another way in which you are not alone. The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm fifty-five of God’s never-ending presence and faithfulness, even when it seems like he’s not there. We read, “I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Parents, when God seems silent, His work in your life is moving forward in powerful ways. Don’t decide to be fooled by what seems like silence. God is always at work for His glory and our good. So even though the burden is heavy today, be encouraged.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, the demands made by those who embrace the transgender ideology are everywhere. Front and center over the last couple of years is the controversy surrounding whether or not biological men should be allowed to participate in girls and women’s sports if they choose to identify as transgender. What the conversation needs from parents is a clear commitment to tell our kids the truth about gender and God’s good design. Salvo Magazine reports on Sage Steele, a former ESPN Sportscenter co-host who was told by the network to keep her opinions on transgenderism in sport to herself. Steele says, “I was like, no. And let’s stop living in this lie. I literally said, this is the hill I will die on one hundred percent because these are facts. This is science. Come at me. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me to stop supporting women. Go ahead, tell me.” Steele’s words remind us that God calls his followers to be strong and courageous with the truth!
One of the questions I’ve been asked by parents most often over the last few years is this: How old should my child be before I get them a smartphone? Of course, most kids are pressuring their parents, playing into the guilt of raising kids who they fear will be left out of what everyone else is doing. But we need to push that pressure aside in order to make wise and Godly decisions that are not based on our kids’ desires, but on what constitutes God’s best for them. Recently, more and more news stories are popping up reporting two very positive trends in this area. First, a growing number of schools are considering and implementing no-smartphone policies during the school day. A second positive trend involves parents in schools, communities, and churches who are banding together and committing to signing pledges to not give their children smartphones until after middle school. Parents, joining forces in this way is sure to benefit our kids in more ways that we can imagine.
Many of the new words that have entered into our English vocabulary in recent years are words that have come into existence thanks to the advent and growth of social media and technology. One of those words that has been sparked by a new trend, is sadfishing. Sadfishing is a growing trend among teenagers that offers insights into some of the pressures and mental health issues facing our kids. Sadfishing is a term referring to social media users who exaggerate their emotional state through their online postings with the goal of attracting the attention of others and generating their sympathy. Typically this is done through sad photos and quotes. We need to pay attention to the sadfishing efforts of the kids we know, as going online might be an effort to get somebody to listen, when nobody else is listening to them. In addition, the cry for attention reveals deep relational needs. Parents, build your relationships with your kids, so that they come first to you.
In his book “Digital Liturgies: Rediscovering Christian Wisdom in an Online Age”, Samuel D. James describes how our liturgies, or the repeated habits we have developed in the way use technology, have served to deform us in five specific ways. First, our time online in digital environments fosters a kind of inauthenticity as we center on ourselves. Second, our growing amount of online time fuels outrage by constantly feeding us information and misinformation that polarizes us from others. Third, we can shame others, or be shamed ourselves, often resulting in getting canceled. We don’t discuss our differences anymore. Fourth, we are driven into a lifestyle of consumption, as the algorithms feed us more and more of the content that grabs our attention and focus. Finally, we get lost in the meaningless of the online world. We’re starting to see what happens when we spend time scrolling on our phones, rather than through the pages of God’s Word.
One starting point in the process of leading our teenagers to faith and spiritual maturity is to face the truth about who teenagers are and the uniqueness of their life stage. We must constantly seek answers to these questions: What is their world like? What makes them tick? What changes are they experiencing? What questions are they asking? Why do they think and act the way they do? And while we ask those questions, we must never forget, as Eugene Peterson says, that “there are no well-adjusted adolescents. Adolescence is, by definition, maladjustment. And getting adjusted is a strenuous and often noisy process.” In addition, we must approach our task as parents of teens not as punishment, a problem, or a cross to bear, but as a wonderful opportunity to depend on our Heavenly Father, while teaching our impressionable teens to do the same. Parents, never forget that you have been stewarded by God with the gift of your children, and that you are an instrument in His hands!
As I’ve gotten older, it’s become more and more clear to me that my grandkids are growing up in a world that’s markedly different than the one I grew up in. Recently, I was looking back at some YouTube videos of talk shows and news broadcasts from the 1960s. I had forgotten just how common smoking cigarettes while on camera actually was. Then as the health risks became known, a Surgeon General’s warning was mandated for cigarette packs in 1965. By 1971, all cigarette ads were banned from radio and tv. Last month, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, in a New York Times opinion piece wrote this: It is time to require a Surgeon General’s warning label on social media platforms, stating that social media is associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents. While there may be some debates moving forward, the message is clear: we as parents need to do our due diligence on monitoring, limiting, and even banning social media for our kids.
Have you heard about Abigail Shrier’s new book, “Bad Therapy: Why The Kids Aren’t Growing Up”? In the book, Shrier helps us to understand parenting approaches and habits we’ve adopted in recent years which are believed to produce happy, healthy and well-adjusted kids. As Christian parents, we should desire first and foremost to raise kids who launch into adulthood with the overarching goal of living their lives to the glory of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But this kind of well-intentioned but bad parenting Shrier calls out can also be adopted by Christian parents. Shrier writes, “We adopted a therapeutic approach to parenting. Successful parenting became a function with a single coefficient: our kids’ happiness at any given instant. An ideal childhood meant no pain, no discomfort, no fights, no failure – and absolutely no hint of trauma.” Parents, are we or are we not prepping our kids for the life of discipleship that requires taking up one’s cross and denying one’s self?
A few years ago, we began to take notice of all the ads for Botox that were running on television. Botox promised to remedy our dissatisfaction with the wrinkles and creases we were increasingly seeing as we looked in the mirror. Stopping the aging process has become a cultural obsession, which reveals the deeper theological reality that none of us like the march we’re on through aging and to death as a result of human sin. A recent article in the New York Times reports that our teenagers are now engaged with a viral trend related to an anti-aging and expensive skin-smoothing product known as Brazilian Bum Bum Cream. Not only should we be concerned that our kids are now working to stop the effects of aging, but also about spending their money wisely. You see, an eight ounce jar of Brazilian Bum Bum Cream sells for forty-eight dollars. Parents, let’s teach our kids to find their identity in Christ, not appearance, and teach them to spend wisely.
There’s an old familiar song from composer George Gershwin that might serve to motivate you to take some action related to social media and smartphones if you’re heading out with your family for vacation in the coming weeks. The song is called “Summertime” and it was written ninety years ago for the opera “Porgy and Bess.” There’s one line from “Summertime” that starts echoing in my head every year when the calendar flips to July. “It’s summertime, and the living is easy” goes the song. But I’m not sure we’re too successful these days in our efforts to find much-needed rest and relaxation. One barrier is how tethered we’ve become to our phones. This is the case not only for our kids, but for us as adults too. So, here’s a strategy for increasing your chances for rest and relaxation this summer. Why not power down the phones and stay off social media so that you can focus your attention on the other members of your family? God has made us for rest and relationships!
In John fifteen, Jesus uses a gardening allegory to tell his followers about healthy and vibrant spiritual growth and development. Jesus explains that when we enter into a relationship with Him there is a life-giving connection along with a sustaining maintenance procedure that we must willingly and actively pursue if we are to bloom, grow, and bear fruit as He intends us to. In effect, he describes how we are to be “hitched” or connected to Him as a branch is to a vine. Our fruit-bearing and growth is increased by the sometimes painful process of pruning, which removes dead or overgrown parts so that we might become more productive. What is the secret to this kind of growth? Jesus says the secret is this: “Abide in me.” The word abide is used ten times in this passage. It describes a kind of “hitching” to our life-source, Jesus Christ. Parents, as we abide in Jesus, His life begins to permeate and transform us, keeping us spiritually vibrant, healthy, and fruitful.
I recently ran across another clear example of how secular science confirms what we know as Christians to be most beneficial to our teens as they navigate the difficult years of adolescence. Researchers at the University of Southern California have been looking how a teenager’s thinking influences their brain development, for better or for worse. Using interviews, functional mri’s, and ongoing surveys, researchers found that teenagers who engaged in what they called transcendent thinking showed more brain development and greater amounts of happiness over time. Transcendent thinking is the thinking that is done which moves beyond the moment and the immediate context to think about the bigger story of life. When I read the report, I couldn’t help but think about the impact that thinking about the bigger story of the bible is the kind of transcendent thinking that not only encourages healthy brain development, but transforms our kids lives! Preach the gospel to your kids!
Adoniram and Ann Judson, were the first foreign missionaries from the U.S., departing for their work in Burma back in 1812. When young Adoniram approached Ann’s father to ask for her hand in marriage, he wrote these words: “I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure for a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and suffering of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death.” Ann’s father eagerly consented and released his daughter into God’s service for the sake of the spread of the Gospel. Fourteen years later, Ann died in Burma from smallpox. Are you willing to release your kids into into the hands of God for the sake of the spread of the Gospel?
When we think about teenagers and addiction, it is important that we engage in preventive efforts in order to keep kids from getting addicted. This holds true when it comes to device and screen addiction, which will become more of an issue in years to come. Experts are telling us that if we would take time to set limits and borders now, we would prevent addiction and these marks of screen addiction: feeling uneasy or grumpy when you cannot use your device. Avoiding breaks while spending long periods of time on your device. Ignoring other activities including reading and going outside. Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Physical issues including eye, back, and neck strain. Gaining weight due to inactivity. And finally, having difficulty conversing and interacting socially. Parents, life in our smartphone world is a life primed for addiction, that is, unless we intervene now keeping phones away from young children, and limiting screentime for older kids.
When difficult decisions. . . or even the little decisions of life. . . need to be made, what authority do you consult for guidance? All of us make thousands of choices a day, and every one of those choices is made based on some standard or authority. For the Christian, it is the authority of God’s Word that should form the basis of all of our decisions. The writer of Proverbs tells us that the discerning person deliberately “sets his face toward” or “focuses the gaze of his eyes” on wisdom. In other words, biblical discernment comes when we intentionally focus on the truths of God’s Word, trusting that God has given us those truths in order to provide guidance in every decision, either large or small. What motivates us to keep our eyes toward wisdom is our desire to love, serve, follow, and ultimately glorify God in all things. Bruce Waltke writes, “The eyes of the wise focus on wisdom, which in turn serves them well, but the fool’s focus flits from one godless, unattainable thing to another that does not profit him.”
Today, we come to the end of our week-long long look at researcher Ellen Galinsky’s new book about teenagers, “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”. In it, Galinsky lists five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. As Christian parents, we should pay special attention to the fifth message she heard from kids: “We want to learn stuff that’s useful.” Galinsky lists these skills as understanding other’s perspectives, how to communicate effectively, how to work with others, and how to set goals. While these skills are all good, we need to make sure that the way our kids understand and use these skills is rooted in the Gospel and a commitment to live a faithful life of Christian discipleship. In other words, these skills must not be used to advance the kingdom of me, myself, and I. Rather, these skills should serve the higher goal of bringing glory to God. Parents, nurture your kids in the Christian faith!
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The fourth message she heard is this: “Understand our needs.” Obviously, we have a parental responsibility to provide food and shelter for our kids. But from the biblical perspective, we learn that human needs extend far beyond those that promote and protect physical growth and safety. As Christians, we know that our greatest and most pressing need is for salvation, and we know that God in His grace has provided a way for our redemption through the cross of Jesus Christ. Of course, it most likely that the teens Galinsky researched did not mention salvation as a need. But this is where we as parents come in, as we nurture our children in the Lord.
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The third message she heard is this: “Don’t stereotype us.” Just like us, our teenagers don’t want to be pigeon-holed into stereotypes. For example, not all teens are anxious. Not all teens are addicted to their phones. And not all teens are entitled. If we label our kids in these ways we are setting the table for them to live into those stereotypes. As Christian parents, we need to not only recognize the unique ways in which they’ve been created and gifted by God, but their potential to live into God’s glorious and grand design for their lives, rather than some stereotype. Parents, get to know your kids for who they are as unique individuals.
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The second message to parents is this: “Talk with us, not at us.” As our kids develop through the adolescent years, their brains are moving from thinking in black and white terms, to being able to think more abstractly, which means their on the pathway to having fully wired-up adult brains, sometime during their mid-twenties. As parents, we need to avoid the temptation to continue to think for them, as if they are still children. Rather, we need to think with them so that we might then train them to think for themselves. As Christian parents, we want to prepare our kids for a lifetime of thinking in ways that lead them to glorify God in all areas of their lives.
Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, I want to look at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. First, teenagers say they want parents to “Understand our development.” I agree. We need to understand the different stages our kids go through as they grow. As Christians, we can see God’s grand and glorious design for human growth and development as amazing sequence of stages where kids mature physically, emotionally, cognitively, relationally, and spiritually. Gaining a working understanding of each stage gives us the ability to set realistic expectations for our kids, informs our approach to discipline, and gives us insights into how to most effectively nurture them in the Christian faith in age-appropriate ways.
There’s a growing amount of research pointing to the fact that smartphones and social media are undermining the well-being of our kids when borders, boundaries, and safeguards are not enacted. Recently, the American Psychological Association released a report on the science of how social media affects our youth, specifically looking at the risks associated with content, features, and functions. One of the opening paragraphs of the report says, “Platforms built for adults are not inherently suitable for youth. Youth require special protection due to areas of competence or vulnerability as they progress through the childhood, teenage, and late adolescent years.” The report warns that chronological age is not directly associated with social media readiness. In other words, just because a platform requires a child to be thirteen in order to download the app, that doesn’t mean it is safe and harmless. Parents, are you tracking with the data that will help your parent wisely?
As followers of Jesus, we must go to and trust God’s Word as the spotlight that shines truth on our understanding of gender. God, the Creator of all things, pronounced everything He created as “good!” But when He finished creating humans He said “very good!’ And what He pronounced as “very good!” was male and female. . . the binary genders He designed and assigned. . . male and female only, that are both fully human and equal in dignity and value. This is the way things are supposed to be. Jesus affirms this in Matthew 19:4 when He says, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female?” God desires that we never allow our feelings to dictate and misshape our understanding of truth. Rather, we need to submit our feelings and desires to God’s Word. Don’t ever forget, God in His goodness has created and given us each our gender, which is indicated by our anatomy, either male or female.
When Christian missionaries go through training, they spend lots of time learning their message. Missionary training is centered on learning the Gospel so that it might be shared correctly. But the message is not the only thing they learn. They also go through lots of learning about the culture of those to whom they are being sent, along with how to best communicate in ways that can be heard and understood in that context. Parents, did you know that you are a cross-cultural missionary? As you raise your children in the Lord, your need to know their cultural context. Culture-watcher Aaron Renn provides some helpful information on our current parenting context. He tells us that since twenty-fourteen, we are now parenting in a world that has come to have a negative view of Christianity. We need to understand that this may create obstacles in sharing our faith with our kids, especially if they have adopted this view. Be sensitive to this reality, but faithfully speak and live out your Christian faith.
When one of our kids came home from school and announced that he learned on the school playground where babies come from, I asked him what he had learned and from who. Not surprisingly, what he had learned didn’t even come close to the truth, so it afforded us an opportunity to tell him the truth about God’s good design for sexuality. Parents, here are three essential elements to good and Godly teaching on sex if we want to lead them in the right direction. First, we must teach God’s creational design. We go to the Bible to look at Genesis one and two, the teachings of Jesus, and what the rest of the Bible teaches on sex. Second, we must teach God’s design continually. It’s not just one talk, but the talking. Culture is talking at them twenty-four seven, and typically leads them astray. We need to talk with regularity. And finally, we must take advantage of cultural prompts. When we see or hear a message on sex, talk about it with your kids, offering the biblical corrective.
Last month, I read social psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s new book, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.” Over the past few years, I have found Haidt to be a trustworthy voice of reason regarding those issues that foster healthy growth and development in our kids, and those practices that are harmful. In his latest book, Haidt provides clear evidence of how smartphones have contributed in major ways to the teen mental health crisis. He offers these four common-sense rules that could change the narrative and help our kids. First, kids should not have a smart phone before high school. They are not ready for the addictive nature of smartphones. Second, no social media before the age of sixteen. It is addictive and fosters harmful comparison. Third, no phones at school. And finally, kids need more independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world. Our kids need to play without adult supervision.
On this weekend when we look forward to celebrating Father’s Day, I want to remind the fathers who are listening of their greatest responsibility in life. In Ephesians six four we read this: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” If we are taking the time to carefully, diligently, and correctly teach the Word of God to our children, we will have fulfilled our highest calling as parents. Writing back in eighteen eighty three, English pastor Robert William Dale has this word for dads that still rings true today. “Parents should care more for the loyalty of their children to Christ than anything besides, more for this than for their health, their intellectual vigor and brilliance, their material prosperity, their social position, and their exemptions from great sorrows and great misfortunes.” Dad, on this weekend when you are celebrated, ask the Lord to lead you into how to best lead your kids.
You’ve no doubt heard the phrase, “Garbage in, garbage out.” I remember my own youth pastor telling us that a car has been created with great care to run smoothly on the right kind of fuel. He used the illustration of what happens to car when someone maliciously pours sugar into the gas tank. It wreaks havoc on the engine, as it clogs the fuel filter and injectors. Of course, my youth pastor was teaching us about what we put into our minds. But I thought about his words when I read recently that researchers at USC are warning us that kids who feast on a high-fat, sugary diet run the risk of doing damage to their brains’ ability to remember. This is especially important for us to remember since our kids are growing through a period of life where their brain if forming and developing. While the researchers are basing their findings on studies done on rats, we can’t discount the potential dangers. Parents, you are called to teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory.
Advances in neurological science point to the amazing complexity of our God-made brains. Because their brains are still developing, our children, teens, and even young adults have what is called an underdeveloped impulse control. This makes them less prone to resist behavioral impulses and more prone to engage in risky behaviors perceived to bring some kind of immediate benefit, but which could also bring long-lasting negative consequences. In spiritual terms, this not only means that our kids are likely to lack wisdom and discernment, but more readily fall into sin. We need to teach them that as sinners, their default setting is to follow their sinful hearts more readily than they are to follow God’s Word. Which means that we must nurture them into knowing God’s good, life-giving Word, helping to expose sin. As their frontal lobes are still developing, they need parents who serve to train them in Godly decision-making and living.
In a world where our kids are hearing that there is no such thing as the creational gender binary of male and female, and where they are hearing that they have the power to choose their gender based on their personal feelings and desires, there are a growing number of young voices who hope to turn the tide including nineteen year old Chloe Cole. As a young self-described tomboy, Cole was introduced to the idea that she could become a boy through social media. Parents, take note. After being diagnosed with gender dysphoria at nine years old, she began transitioning at age twelve, took puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones at age thirteen, and had her breasts removed at age fifteen. By age seventeen, she was detransitioning. Now, she is calling out those who supported and pushed her into transitioning. Parents, what young child really knows who they are? We need to help our children navigate this confusion, pointing them to live into their God-ordained male or female bodies.
Earlier this morning, I went online and purchased a book with a title that grabbed my attention. The book is Linda Flanagan’s “Back in the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports – and Why It Matters.” While I have yet to read the book, the overview describes how Flanagan lists some ways that this frenzy and obsession is changing things for kids and our families, and not for the better. Kids are being funneled into specializing year-round in one sport. The risk of physical injury and mental health problems increases. Coaches and parents are engaging in egregious behavior. And due to the high cost of youth sports, there is reduced opportunity and access for low-income families. Youth sports are big business, and we need to realize that many of the invitations extended to our kids are being issued by individuals and companies desiring to make a quick buck. Parents, this trend takes youth sports, a good thing, and is turning it into an idol.
“We did it, and we turned out ok.” Perhaps you’ve heard that line of reasoning from other parents regarding today’s teens and marijuana use. In fact, a government survey indicates that since 2015, the number of parents who believe there is a risk of harm from using marijuana has dropped, from just over thirty percent of parents, to just over twenty percent today. But researchers and medical professionals will tell you that we should actually be more concerned about the risks from marijuana use, as the impact of smoking today’s marijuana is actually greater on the developing and vulnerable brains of our kids. Experts report that in the 1960’s, the THC content of marijuana was two to three percent. Today, it is twenty percent or more, making it ten times more potent. Doctors are seeing increased psychotic events attributed to this increased potency. Parents, monitor your kids, and don’t approve of the use of marijuana or any other substances kids are choosing to abuse.
In the story of Noah, a righteous man who walked blamelessly with God, we see God’s grief over humankind’s sin. And while God chooses to cleanse the earth through a flood, he also chooses to make a covenant with humanity to never again destroy the earth through a flood. The mark of this gracious promise is the rainbow. As a sign of God’s promise of grace, the rainbow should point us to exhibit a response of humble gratitude marked by obedience to God’s will and way for our lives, rather than a pride-filled life where we follow our own will and way for our lives. In today’s world, the image of the rainbow is used as a symbol of pride. Sadly, this steals the rainbow away from what it was originally established to symbolize. Whenever you see the rainbow. . . in the sky, on a flag, wherever. . . don’t think of it as a sign of pride and human autonomy, but as a sign of humility and dependence on God who has offered up his own son to redeem us from our sin and pride.
In his book, “The Patient Ferment of the Early Church”, Alan Kreider offers an explanation of how Christianity took root and grew in the Roman Empire, even though the church was marginalized, despised, and discriminated against. The parallels to the world we find ourselves inhabiting as Christians today is remarkably similar. Kreider explains that four things happened to advance the faith, and I believe we can and should enlist all four in our Christian parenting. First, there was patience. They didn’t hurry or push things along. Rather, they patiently trusted God to do His work. Second, they developed habitual behaviors of Christian commitment and character that not only grew their own faith, but offered a compelling witness to the surrounding culture. Third, they were committed to Christian education and worship. And finally, there was a kind of ferment happening as their faith bubbled up out of their inward lives. Let’s offer the same kind of compelling witness to our kids.
Advances in neurological science point to the amazing complexity of our God-made brains, and inform us about how best we can parent our kids in ways that lead to their healthy growth and development. Recently, the American Psychological Association released a report which reminds us that starting around age ten and continuing until the mid-twenties, the human brain is hypersensitive to social feedback and stimuli. You and I see evidence of this in how our kids become invested and even obsessed with engaging in behaviors, both off line and online, that will help them get feedback, praise, and attention from their peers. Brain science is now telling us that getting likes and gaining followers on social media actually activates neural regions that trigger repetitive behavior, which can then lead to repetitive use of social media, and even addiction. Let’s raise up Godly children whose lives are directed at habitually bringing glory to God, rather than seeking the praise of their peers.
As our culture continues to promote ideologies that leave so many questioning their gender and sexuality, it’s important that we as parents and the church continually remind our kids of God’s good and glorious creational design as put forth in Genesis one and two. God made humanity in His image, and He made us male and female, which is the gender binary so many dispute and deny today. Why should be keep reminding our kids of God’s Truth? A recent analysis of national survey results has found that one in four grade nine to twelve adolescents here in the United States report their sexual identity as non-heterosexual. Friends, don’t ever forget that the period known as adolescence is a stage filled with physical changes and lots of questioning. In today’s world, our vulnerable growing and changing kids are now given options beyond heterosexuality, or the gender binary of male and female. Provide the kids you and know and love with Godly guidance and direction.
In this day and age where we are hearing more and more about the declining mental health of our kids, we need to come to an understanding of how changes in the nature of childhood are contributing to this epidemic. One of the clear causes has been the move from kids engaging in what’s called “free play,” to kids engaging in only adult-supervised organized sports, or remaining sedentary by spending so much time on screens. The Aspen Institute tells us that the benefits of childhood play are immediate and long term. Kids who physically play are physically and mentally healthier, they perform better in school, they are less likely to engage in drug use and other risky behaviors, and wind up being more productive as they move into the adult years. Additional research tells us that going outside to engage with friends in free play leads to greater resiliency for kids, as they learn how to relate with others and solve problems. Make it possible for your kids to play in this way.
If you’re like me and you lament the decline in the quality of popular music since the days when you were a teenager, there’s actually some new research indicating that your lament is not simply based on your personal listening preferences. Rather, there has been a change in popular music that’s not something we should be celebrating. Europeon researchers recently took on the task of analyzing the words in more than twelve thousand English language songs from the years 1980 to 2020, all from a variety of genres including pop, R and B, country, rap and rock. What did they discover? Not only are songs becoming simpler and more repetitive in their construction, but there has been a decrease in positive messages, and an increase in lyrics that are self-centered, angry, and sad. Here at CPYU we say that music is both a map and a mirror. As a mirror, it tells us what’s happening in the lives of our kids. As a map, it tells them how to live. Once again, we learn that our kids need the hope of the Gospel.
As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to develop the skill of knowing, understanding, and applying the truths of God’s Word to all of life, so that we might distinguish truth from error, wisdom from foolishness, and right from wrong. And, as we develop discernment, we must also guide our impressionable young children and teens into doing the same, teaching them a skill which is desperately needed in a world where the winds of culture are furiously blowing our kids around in ways that so easily lead to shipwreck. The Psalmist prays these words: “Teach me good judgment and knowledge, for I believe in your commandments”. Parents, look for and use the teachable moments everyday life brings to practice biblical discernment with your kids. When they become teenagers, we need to respect their developing cognitive abilities by thinking with them, so that we are preparing them for a lifetime of thinking with biblical discernment for themselves.
In his recent book, “The Anxious Generation,” social psychologist Jonathan Haidt recommends that our schools ban smartphones. It’s a common-sense move that at the very least would answer the concerns of just all about all teachers regarding how smartphone presence has diminished the willingness and abilities of our kids to pay attention in class and to each other. In Norway, the ban on smartphones in schools has allowed researchers the opportunity to gauge whether or not a ban is helpful. The results are compelling. Banning smartphones has led to a significant decline in seeking out treatment for psychological symptoms and diseases. In fact, it’s a sixty percent drop! Educational performance improves. And, bullying has decreased significantly, with a drop of forty-six percent for girls, and forty-three percent for boys. While our smartphones are great tools when used correctly, we need to limit their use in terms of time and place, in order to facilitate our kid’s health.
On this Memorial Day holiday, we are encouraged to remember those who have gone before us, sacrificing their lives so that we might experience life in a free country. As you speak to your kids about the meaning of Memorial Day, use it also as an occasion to remind them that it is important to engage in the regular practice of thinking about past history, and the need to remember. The Bible tells us that one of our greatest responsibilities of parents and those who are older is to recount the deeds of the Lord, teaching them what God has done not only in our lives, but throughout biblical history. In Psalm seventy-eight we read a great reminder for today and every day: “I will utter sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” Parents, this is our high calling and high privilege.
I remember my Dad uttering a saying that history tells us was already deeply entrenched in American culture in the late eighteen-hundreds. That saying was this: “Monkey see, monkey do.” While the saying pointed to the mimicry evident among monkeys as they would watch humans, the 1968 movie “Planet of the Apes” had the monkeys inverting the saying to “Human see, human do.” When it comes to parenting, the apes in the movie were spot-on. Our parental example will be imitated by our kids. A new study looked at parents and their eleven and twelve year old kids to see if parents who tell white lies, raise kids who are more prone to tell lies themselves. The study found, not surprisingly, that when parents tell white lies and the kids know what they are hearing is a lie, those kids are more prone to learn to lie themselves. Parents, teaching your kids God’s will and way requires truthfulness in all things. And we would do well to remember the ninth commandment, which forbids lying.
A friend recently told me about a conversation about smartphones that happened at her family dinner table. She and her husband had established a wise policy for their son and daughter: you cannot have a phone until you turn fifteen. Their son, age seventeen, had had his smartphone for two years. Their daughter, age fourteen, was very much looking forward to her upcoming fifteenth birthday so that she could enter the world of the smartphone. At one point during the meal, the daughter excitedly share her anticipation: “I can’t wait until I turn fifteen so that I can get my own smartphone!” Before anyone else had a chance to respond, her seventeen-year-old brother turned to her, held up his phone, and very seriously said, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Since I got this thing two years ago, I’m more anxious than ever.” Parents, I’m sure you’re wondering when to put a smartphone in the hands of your kids. Take into account the wisdom this teenager gained from his own negative experience.
In his wonderful little book for teenagers, “Do Not Be True To Yourself,” Kevin DeYoung quotes a bit of advice Pulitzer Prize winning writer Anna Quindlen once gave to a group of graduating seniors. Quindlen said, “Each of you is as different as your fingertips. Why should you march to any lockstep? Our love of lockstep is our greatest curse, the source of all that bedevils us. It is the source of homophobia, xenophobia, racism, sexism, terrorism, bigotry of every variety and hue because it tells us that there is one right way to do things, to look, to behave, to feel, when the only right way is to feel your heart hammering inside you and to listen to what its timpani is saying.” DeYoung follows up Quindlen’s bad advice with this corrective which each of our kids needs to hear and embrace: “Do not follow your dreams. Do not march to the beat of your own drummer. And whatever you do, do not be true to yourself.” The Gospel calls us follow the way and will of Jesus Christ.
Recently, the Canadian Center for Child Protection issued a warning to parents regarding an app called Wizz. . . that’s spelled W-I-Z-Z. The app bills itself as the ultimate online platform for connecting young people from all over the world. It’s a place of self-expression, camaraderie, and genuine human interaction. The app tells users that it’s a vibrant space to build new friendships, boost self-esteem, and embrace the joy of social interaction. Like the Tinder app, Wizz users swipe the screen to find new friends and stories. Users can engage in real-time conversations with new friends around the world. So, why the concern with Wizz? Even with all of Wizz’s efforts to make the app safe, Canadian officials are reporting that there have been over one-hundred-and eighty reports of child sexual exploitation, with ninety-one percent of those concerning sextortion, with male users being victimized the most. Parents, monitor you kids, and be sure to remove dangerous social media apps.
When I was in college, I took as many Anthropology classes as I could. Simply stated, Anthropology is the discipline that studies the nature of humanity, including human biology and behavior. As Christians, we should be embracing a biblical anthropology, which is the study of our humanity as it relates to God. When we read the Bible, our understanding of who we are is rooted in the Creation narrative, where God differentiates us from everything else in Creation, making us in His image as male and female. Today, the trends in the secular world of anthropology tend to undermine the creation narrative, leading to the faulty assumption that we are who we feel, decide, and determine ourselves to be. In fact, the American Anthropological Association recently removed a session at their annual meeting that assumed the biological binary of male and female. This reminds us of our need to teach our kids the truth about who they’ve been created to be.
This week we’ve been looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter E calls us to quick action, by taking steps to eliminate immediate dangers. Many hurting kids are involved in behaviors and relationships that require early intervention. Furthermore, we need to empower adolescents as people with the power to choose. As long as they feel like helpless victims, they won’t move forward. But most importantly, we must expect God to do his part to accomplish what only he can do in the lives of kids. God will provide his presence, his comfort, and his healing. L – O – V – E. When it comes to hurting kids, we must listen to them, offer encouragement and support, validate what’s happening in their lives, and eliminate immediate dangers. That’s a good place to begin as we endeavor to lead hurting kids to the hope and healing that comes through Jesus Christ.
This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter V calls us to validate what’s happening in the lives of hurting teenagers. Many kids in pain have been told that their perspectives are inaccurate, their emotions are illegitimate, and they need to “get over it.” Our relational commitment validates them as people of worth. Our supportive words validate the courage it takes to face their own pain and share their stories. And our patience and gentleness validate the emotions they feel about the circumstances they share with us. The fear, confusion, shame, hurt, isolation, anger, and loss must be processed, not simply stuffed away. All of us know how difficult it is to begin to open up to someone and to be told in one of a variety of ways that what we’re experiencing really doesn’t matter. Let’s avoid doing that with hurting kids.
This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter O refers to what we offer students who choose to risk sharing their hearts with us. They’ve come to us because they believe we have something they need. It’s important for us to offer hope in what they often consider to be hopeless circumstances. Offers of encouragement, support, wisdom, and advice can all express this hope. Maybe the most important thing we can offer kids is the willingness to go deeper with them. Most adults want to keep things safe and shallow. What are your offering to hurting kids? The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm Forty-two that we are to put our hope in God. If we have placed our hope and trust in the one who has made us and not in the things he has made, hurting kids will see that reality. Hope is the greatest gift we can give to kids in pain.
This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter L concerns listening, the most fundamental skill needed by anyone working with wounded kids. Many teenagers are convinced that no one is listening to them. Everyone is either too busy, preoccupied, stressed, or selfish to give kids the undivided attention they need. We must learn to listen beneath the words – at the level of emotions, non-verbal cues, and even silence. Listening must be active and responsive to what’s being said and left unsaid. And of course, it must be non-judgmental. Nothing will shut down a kid’s story more quickly than an adult pointing out where he’s wrong. Listening is a skill we desperately need to develop – not just for the sake of creating an environment conducive to good communication, but for the sake of the spiritual and emotional health of our kids.
This week I want to talk about responding to hurting kids, and some great lessons that I’ve learned from my good friend, Dr. Marv Penner. For years, Marv has been equipping youth workers, counselors, and parents to understand and help kids who are experiencing brokenness in their lives. The fact is that a growing number of adolescents today are hurting deeply – often more deeply than they or many of the adults in their lives are willing to acknowledge. Most have nowhere to turn with their pain. Marv reminds us that helping these kids is as much about who you are, as it is about what you do. The most powerful instrument of ministry you have to offer a kid is your own life, lived transparently and honestly so they can see the difference the Gospel makes for you. It’s all about relationships. When kids trust you, that opens the door to helping them.
This weekend we celebrate Mother’s Day. As Christians, this day should bring to mind the fifth commandment, which reads, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Over 40 years ago, Dr. John Huffman wrote this about the 5th commandment in book, “Liberating Limits: “God pity the society led by brash young people who have the answers but very little respect for their elders. Anarchy comes quickly. Allow young people to be alienated from their parents and you’ll observe a nation drift into moral and social anarchy. Family life is crucial to a healthy society. Children who grab hold of the household reins, pushing their parents aside, inflict a serious damage on a society. Young people who grow up without subjection to authority are programming themselves for unhappiness. A society as well as an individual pays an enormous price for weakening the honor paid to fathers and mothers.”
Nearly half of today’s teenagers say that they are on their phones and online almost constantly. The Pew Research Center surveyed a cohort of teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, along with parents, back in the fall of last year. The findings are interesting and helpful as we consider how to best help our kids live to God’s glory on the digital frontier. You might be surprised to learn that seventy-two percent of our teens say that they often or sometimes feel peaceful and/or happy when they have de-tethered and disconnected from their smartphone. That’s a good thing, and it reminds us that we should encourage and even require time limits for our kids. But many kids also say that disconnecting makes them feel anxious, upset, or lonely. Take time to talk to your kids about how they feel when they detach, and encourage them to use their time wisely and to God’s glory. Build your relationship with your kids so that time spent with you is valued, time that will be a positive alternative to screentime!
If you grew up through your own adolescence ten, thirty, or fifty years ago, you remember what it was like to encounter and try to navigate peer pressure. Throughout the decades, peer pressure was often a top or the number one reason teenagers gave for choosing to experiment with alcohol and drugs. Now, researchers at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are telling us that the number one reason today’s teens cite for using drugs and alcohol is to reduce stress, anxiety, and even depression. Almost three-quarters of teens say that their motivation for substance use is to feel mellow, calm, or relaxed. In addition, they want to stop worrying about a problem or to forget bad memories. Because we live in a sinful and broken world, we all face difficulties in life. Parents, from a young age, teach your children that substance abuse is not an avenue to fixing issues of stress and anxiety. Rather, teach them to go to Jesus Christ, and his promise to carry their burdens.
I recently read these words from pastor Alistair Begg: “No church of Jesus Christ progresses beyond the spiritual progress of its leaders.” While those words are important for those in church leadership, I got to thinking about just how true they also are for leadership in the home. As parents, we can restate Begg’s words this way: “No family that hopes to disciple and nurture kids into following Jesus Christ, progresses beyond the spiritual progress of its parents.” As a father and grandfather, these words are not only convicting to me, but they force me into a process of self-examination. Parents, I would encourage us all to take an accounting of how and where we are spending our time? What is it that grabs and holds our focus? Ask yourself this, “Am I investing my time into my own spiritual growth and development?” The truth is that your kids are watching you and learning from you. Who you are is just as important as what you say. Your growth is a prerequisite to the spiritual growth of your kids.
A study published late last year in the Journal of the American Medical Association shows that there has been sharp increases in the rates of hospitalizations for boys with eating disorders. This is news that we all must pay attention to, as historically, eating disorders have been portrayed as a disease of adolescent girls who desire to lose weight out of concern for their appearance. This is not at all surprising considering the body image pressure that marketing and social media continue to ramp up for our girls. But researchers are telling us that body image pressures on our boys convince them that they need to bulk-up with muscle. Medical professionals have labeled this as bigorexia. Not only is this a spiritual issue related to a misplaced sense of identity, and idolizing muscles, but it causes low heart rates, abnormal blood markers, and suicidal ideation. God calls us to have no other God’s before Him. This includes the idolatry of self. Teach your kids to honor God above all else.
The famous theologian, Augustine, once said this: “This is the authentic happy life, to set one’s joy in you, grounded in you and caused by you.” After many years of wandering and struggle as a young man, God took hold of Augustine’s heart and called Augustine to Himself. It wasn’t long after that Augustine took to writing the volume that we know as his Confessions. This quote is one of the ancient gems we should be sharing with our kids. You see, in today’s world, our kids are led to believe that one’s joy can only be found in being true to one’s self. Authenticity and loyalty to self are the highest value in life. But sadly, this is not the path to joy. The writer of Proverbs says, “Trust in the Lordwith all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Parents, you have been called by God to lead your children onto the path to life. If you don’t lead them into finding their joy in Jesus Christ, they will most likely believe the culture’s lies.
I was recently thinking back over what I had planned to do when I grew up. Why? I was reading about what one survey calls one of the most desirable career options kids are thinking about in today’s world. Are you wondering what that job is? It’s a job that wasn’t even an option just two decades ago: Social media star or influencer. We now live in a world where there is what is called a “Creator Economy,” an industry now valued at over two-hundred and fifty billion, with some influencers making well upwards of six figures a year, just for posting videos and photos of themselves on social media while using certain products. Parents, kids are typically attracted to the fastest track to income. Let’s teach them to discover their God-given gifts and abilities, and use those gifts and abilities in a lifetime of faithfully serving the Lord. Point them to these words from the Apostle Paul: “So whatever you do, whether you eat or drink – do it all to the glory of God.” It’s not about us!
Imagine walking today into a twelfth grade English class at your local high school. You stand in the back of the room, undetected, and look around at the twenty students who are seated at their desks. According to the latest research, you can correctly assume that two out of these twenty students have admitted to using what’s known as delta-8-THC in the last year. Delta-8 is a psychoactive substance that is derived from hemp, which is a variety of the Cannabis plant. Delta-8 products can be purchased online and over the counter, with products including oils, gummies, capsules, disposable vapes, and more. They are marketed aggressively to our kids, and the FDA reports adverse health issues related to this psychoactive substance. These Delta-8 products have intoxicating effects, and they are often manufactured using potentially harmful chemicals in order to increase the concentration of THC. Parents, monitor your kids, and warn them about the spiritual and physical dangers of substance abuse.
As conversations in our culture continue over how to navigate the increased traction the transgender ideology is getting among our kids, we should be paying attention to what is happening across the pond in the U.K. The world’s largest gender clinic has been the Tavistock clinic in Britain. Health officials are closing the clinic this spring as more and more is being learned about the dangers to our kids regarding what’s labeled as “gender-affirming care.” Not only is the clinic being shut down, but the National Health Service of England has said that children who have or who identify as having gender dysphoria will no longer be given puberty blockers. The NHS says that there is not enough evidence regarding the safety or effectiveness of puberty blockers with children. We applaud this common-sense reality-based move, and hope that all of us will realize just how much life-long damage these supposed treatments cause. God has made us male or female, and gender is given, not chosen.
Parents, what are you teaching your kids about the presence of pain and suffering in their lives? Are you preparing them to face whatever difficulties life may bring by immersing themselves in what the Scriptures teach about the formative role adversity plays in our lives? In Psalm one-hundred-nineteen verse seventy one, the Psalmist writes, “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.” Theologian J.I. Packer writes these words about suffering: “The fact is that God uses chronic pain and weakness, along with other sorts of affliction, as his chisel for sculpting our souls. Weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. And the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually, even while our bodies waste away.” Those are good words that reflect the truths of Scripture, that we must not only embrace for ourselves, but teach to our kids. The fact is, suffering is redemptive.
Ever since the smartphone debuted back in 2007, I have encountered a growing number of parents who lament how much time our kids are spending on their smartphones, and the way that time has undermined their teenager’s well-being. There’s a growing amount of data that supports these concerns, and which should cause us to wake up and pay attention so that we are more diligent in setting screen time limits, along with monitoring where are kids are spending their online time. But we’re now learning that’s it’s not just parents who are complaining about the effects of smartphones on our family relationships. The Pew Research Center’s late 2023 survey of teenagers found that nearly half of today’s thirteen to seventeen year-olds say they have a parents who is at least sometimes distracted by their phone when they’re trying to talk to them. Too much time looking at our screens takes away from the time we should be spending with each other. Are you spending too much time on your phone?
Every now and then I run across a challenging quote about the Christian faith from someone who does not embrace the Christian faith. And every now and then, these quotes serve as a wake-up call or much needed punch in the gut. That was certainly the case when I encountered this quote from author and agnostic, Julian Barnes. Barnes writes, “There seems little point in a religion which is merely a weekly social event. What’s the point of faith unless you and it are serious – seriously serious – unless your religion fills, directs, stains, and sustains your life?” Parents, what kind of faith is it that you embrace? Are you seriously serious about your relationship with Jesus Christ? That kind of seriously serious faith is the kind of faith that we’re called to. It’s also the kind of faith that we need to pass on to our kids. And the best way to pass on a seriously serious faith, is to live a seriously serious faith. Why don’t you take some time for some serious self-examination today?
Beginning way back in 1975, the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research has been surveying high school students on their behaviors regarding drug and alcohol abuse. The survey launched when it was recognized that the 1960s had brought a widespread epidemic of illicit drug use among U.S. youth. As that epidemic has evolved, the survey has added a host of new drugs as they have become available, and it began gathering data from eighth graders in 1991, as drug use was filtering down into the population at earlier ages. In the introduction to the 2023 version of the survey results, researchers write this: “Substance abuse is the leading cause of preventable morbidity and mortality; it is in large part why, among seventeen high income nations, people in the U.S. have the highest probability of dying by age fifty. Parents, we need to monitor the behavior of our kids, and do all we can to educate them to the physical and spiritual dangers of drug and alcohol abuse.
What does the cultural narrative tell us and our kids about what we are to believe about who we are? How and where do we find our identity? Is who we are a given? Or is who we are someone or something we have the responsibility and privilege to create? In her helpful new book, “Self-Made: Creating Our Identities from Da Vinci to the Kardashians”, Tara Isabella Burton traces the slow slide our world has experienced, into believing we are who we make of ourselves, rather than seeing ourselves as being made by God. She summarized the issue this way: “All of us have inherited the narrative that we must shape our own path and place in this life and that where and how we were born should not determine who and what we will become.” In effect, Burton is reminding us that in today’s world, we are to lean into self-sovereignty, rather than living under God’s sovereignty. Parents, this is one of the most dangerous lies our kids can believe. Are you telling them the truth?
If you have a calendar on your wall that lists holidays, you will notice that today begins the Jewish remembrance of the Passover. This annual holiday celebrates the escape of the Jewish people from Egyptian slavery, a story that is recounted in Exodus chapter twelve. The name Passover includes the sense of to spare from something. In this case, God looked on the blood-sprinkled houses of the Israelites, passing over them and sparing them from the way he smote the Egyptian homes by striking down all firstborn men and animals. If you read Exodus 12 you will see that the blood which was to be sprinkled on the houses came from a sacrificial lamb. In the New Testament, we learn that Christ has become our Passover, and that the blood he shed on the cross on our behalf offers a way out of our slavery to sin, delivering us into new life. Why not take some time with your family on this Passover day, to read Exodus twelve, to see the mercy and grace of God, and to thank Him for Jesus Christ, our Passover lamb.
My friend, youth pastor and writer Mike McGarry, offers some great advice to youth workers and parents on how to prepare students for a lifelong faith. This is important to consider as the research consistently points to the fact that far too many kids are not only graduating from high school, but graduating or walking away from the faith as they enter young adulthood. Here are Mike’s four best practices for facilitating a lifelong faith. First, apply the Gospel to everything. Help them see that Christ not only came to save them, but to lead them into faithful God-glorifying living in every square inch of their lives. Second, teach them to love the church. Engage them not only with their peers, but with the full spectrum of believers in your local body. Third, dream big biblical dreams for your kids. Pray that they would grow and mature in their faith. And finally, give kids the opportunity to lead and even fail. A deepened faith is the fruit of real-life struggles. Don’t coddle your kids.
The latest edition of the Monitoring the Future National Survey on drug use among our teenagers, cites good news that I would like to pass on to you today. The survey, which has been conducted annually since 1975, offers some encouraging data on what the survey labels as “abstainers.” Abstainers are defined as students with no use of alcohol, marijuana, or nicotine. Nicotine use is typically by cigarettes or vaping. Researchers report that in 2024, levels of lifetime abstention significantly increased among students in the two high school groups surveyed, that is, our tenth and twelfth graders. These levels of abstention are at the highest since they began getting tracked back in 2017. Researchers say that these increases in abstention have been driven by decreases in nicotine vaping and alcohol use. This is good news, and should encourage us to keep educating our students on the dangers of drug use, while point them to finding meaning and purpose in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
With March Madness now being over for about a week, it’s a good time to think about the place sports holds in our lives. Some recent data from the Pew Research Center offers five facts about Americans and sports. First, about half of Americans say they took part in organized, competitive sports in high school or college. This means that many of our kids grow up playing organized sports. Second, most Americans who played sports in high school or college say their athletic experiences improved their physical health and confidence. Third, our love for sports is also about spectating. Almost forty percent of American say they follow college or pro sports at least somewhat closely. Fourth, if asked to choose one sport as America’s sport, over half choose football. And finally, almost one out of five Americans said they had bet money on sports in the past year. Parents, sports are great. Teach your kids to love God first and foremost. To put anything in His place is idolatry.
Do you think that pop music has an influence on the values, attitudes, and behaviors of our kids? The truth is that it’s not just the lyrics that influence, but the high-profile lifestyles and stories of the pop stars themselves. Popular singer and Grammy award winner Olivia Rodrigo is one star whose music and lifestyle influence our children and teens. As part of her recent concert in St. Louis, Rodrigo did more than sing to the twenty-two thousand fans assembled at the Enterprise Center. With the help of the Missouri Abortion Fund, Rodrigo handed out free Plan B pills, or morning after emergency contraception pills, to her fans. Standing up for abortion rights is nothing new to Rodrigo as she’s been a vocal abortion advocate for years. Parents, we encourage you to listen to who and what your kids are listening to, and then talk about what they are hearing, affirming that which is line with God’s Word, and then challenging and correcting that content which advocates sin.
If I remind you that today is known as tax day here in the United States, some of you will breath a sigh of relief that you have completed the tedious work of pulling your tax returns together. Others of you, if you’ve forgotten about today, might now be panicking over your procrastination. What I want to encourage you all to do is to use today as a teachable moment to share with your kids what Jesus and the Apostle Paul have to say about governmental authority. Both of them taught that we are responsible to pay taxes to the government. Jesus tells us in Mark twelve seventeen that we are to render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are Gods. In Romans thirteen, Paul commands the church to pay taxes to those whom taxes are owed. While we have no higher authority that God, we must recognize that our government has been instituted by God, and we are to respect the government’s authority, unless the government commands something immoral.
Today, we wrap up our look at the categories of Pornographic Style of Relating, or PSR, that Dr. Andrew Bauman tells us undermine God’s good desire for our sexuality and human flourishing. After the first four categories of control, objectification, speed, and hunger, Bauman cites a fifth: isolation. With pornography, sexuality is experienced in sinful and fallen ways behind closed doors. This isolation fuels a secret life and very quickly breaks down our relationships, undermining our relating to our spouses, children, and friends. God’s design is for our sexuality to be shared with our spouse in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship, not with a series of images online. Finally, Bauman offers a sixth category of PSR: fantasy. He reminds us that healthy relationships live in the truth. It’s my hope that our discussions this week will motivate you to teach biblical sexuality to your kids, that you will warn them about pornography, and that the Lord would protect their vulnerable hearts and minds.
Today, we continue our look at the categories of Pornographic Style of Relating, or PSR, that Dr. Andrew Bauman says undermine God’s good desire for our sexuality and human flourishing. After the first two categories of control and objectification, comes a third category, speed. He writes, “the rapid pace of relationships comes to resemble the quick climax of intensity around pornography. Pornography desires speed, which is opposed to the kind of healthy relationships marked by faithfulness and long-lasting intimacy. Bauman’s fourth category of relating is hunger. In terms of sexuality, hunger is a frantic need that must be filled by the other. It is selfish. It consumes and devours others in a desire to fix something that’s broken inside of ourselves. Of course, we know that the hunger is ultimately for a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Parents, are you going out of your way to continually teach your kids to live into God’s good design for biblical sexuality?
Yesterday, I told you about Dr. Andrew Bauman, a Christian counselor whose own experience and study on the effects of pornography has reported on the dire effects of pornography on young men and young women. Bauman has written about the development of what’s called a pornographic style of relating, or PSR, which happens when pornography becomes a child’s primary teacher and guide on sexual development. Today, I want to look at the first two of the six categories of PSR Bauman cautions us about. First, there is the category of control. God has given us sex as mutual experience for one man and one woman to share in marriage. Online pornography encourages solo sexuality that is non-mutual, putting sexuality in your own control and power. Its a straying from God’s good design. Second, there is the category of objectification, where others are not seen as people, but as objects to be used and cheaply discarded. Tomorrow, we’ll continue our discussion of PSR.
It’s no secret that our kids are being misinformed and misshaped by the pervasive presence of online pornography in today’s world. Because they are sexual beings who are naturally curious about their developing God-given gift of sexuality, we should be instructing them in age appropriate ways about God’s plan for sex and gender. But if we choose to be silent, they are left to have their questions answered by a sexualized culture and peer group that’s been heavily influenced by exposure to pornography. The largest pornographic website in the world reports over ten billion visits per month, and this certainly includes our kids who go looking for porn, or who have encountered porn that has found them while they are innocently spending time online. Dr. Andrew Bauman is a Christian counselor who confesses that the church’s silence and his own consumption of pornography distorted his sense of his sexuality. He warns, the consequences are dire, and just coming to the surface.
One of our greatest concerns about smartphone use among children and teens relates to pornography. With ninety-five percent of teens having access to a smartphone, we should be concerned about exposure to pornography, either intentional or unintentional, along with both the short and long-term effects of pornography on our kids. The average age of first exposure is between eleven and thirteen years old, with some studies finding that kids as young as nine years old are exposed. By the time our kids reach their teens, about eighty-five percent of our boys and sixty percent of our girls have viewed pornography, most-often through their smartphone devices. The greatest damage occurs as our kids see distorted, broken, and sinful expressions of God’s good gift of sexuality which can not only lead to addiction, but can twist and destroy their sexuality and so much more for the rest of their lives. Keep listening as we spend all this week talking about the dangers of pornography.
One of my favorite memories of childhood was reaching the age where from time to time, my parents would allow me to sleep over at a friends house. I remember the joy of staying up late, watching movies, and eating pizza with a group of buddies. My kids experienced sleepovers as well. In today’s world, there’s a movement away from sleepovers that I think is warranted. We live in a world where we’re learning more and more about predators and sexual abuse. When a child is a victim of sexual abuse, ninety percent of them know their attacker. Half of those known abusers are family members, and the other half are acquaintances and friends. Prudence should cause us to err on the side of caution. The truth is that once kids are asleep, they are doing something they could also be doing at home. Now parents, are okaying what’s called “sleepunders”, where the kids get picked up at bedtime, or when their parents are done visiting together. Parents, don’t live in fear, but exercise wisdom.
One of the greatest gifts I received in my life was the gift of an active and involved father. My father not only took the time to be around and spend time with me, but to teach me about Jesus and what it means to live with Christ as the Lord of my life. Those were great benefits to having a loving and involved father. But there’s more! Researchers tell us that when a dad gets involved in his child’s life, that child will learn more, perform better in school, and exhibit healthier behavior. Children with involved dads have fewer emotional and behavioral problems in adolescence. Teens who feel close to their dads grow up to have healthier marriages. And girls who have a strong relationship with their dad during their teenage years move into adulthood without as many psychological issues and distresses. Dads, your heavenly father has given you the gift of your children. He has also given you to them as a gift. Love your children as you’ve been loved by your heavenly father.
I recently had to double-back to my office after leaving for the day. I found myself in a bit of a panic as I had left my smartphone on my desk. Truth be told, there was a part of me feeling that if I was not reunited with my phone, things could go bad very quickly. When I came to my senses, I realized that I had spent roughly two-thirds of my life without a smartphone, and the reality was that life was fine, and even better, in those good old land-line-only days. While our smartphones are helpful, there are so many ways in which they undermine our well-being. One such issue in today’s world is the issue of phones in school. One school district in Virginia found that about a third of the district’s teachers were telling kids to put their phones away five to ten times during a class period. Fifteen percent had to do so more than twenty times a class. Our kids physical, mental, and academic health is suffering. How is it affecting their spiritual health? Parents, we need to set limits!
Not a day goes by when I don’t hear or see one advertisement for an online sports gambling platform. With the Major League Baseball season gearing up your local broadcasts will mention not only what’s happening on the field, but the odds on a host of things occurring in the game along with an invitation to put money on anything and everything. Add to this the promotions and bonuses for signing up, and it’s no surprise that our kids are drawn into online sports gambling through the apps. And, while there are age restrictions, there’s nothing stopping kids from lying about their age and getting involved. Parents surveyed regarding their concerns about the risks of online betting for teens ages fourteen to eighteen put debt, gambling addiction, a ruined credit score, and drug and alcohol abuse at the top of their list. Teach your kids that God has promised to provide for our needs. He doesn’t instruct us to gamble to get it. Rather, we are to work to meet our needs and to bring glory to Him.
Several years ago I began to notice ringing in my ears. Known as Tinnitus, I would describe my experience as sounding like someone is blowing a never-ending high-pitched whistle in my ears. My issues come, I think, from listening to loud music earlier in my life. My concern for today’s children and teens has been fueled by a recent article in the BMJ Public Health Journal. A review of available evidence is showing that video gamers may be risking irreversible hearing loss and persistent ringing and buzzing in their ears due to exposing themselves to unsafe sound levels as they play their games. Wearing gaming headphones increases the risks. Research points to the fact that anything over eighty-five decibels can lead to hearing damage. Some video game sound levels can reach bursts of one hundred nineteen decibels, which is as loud as a bulldozer or motorbike. Parents, teach your kids to steward their bodies and hearing to God’s glory by turning down the volume.
All this week I’ve been passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott describes who we have been called to be as the church of Jesus Christ. Sometimes, in an effort to protect our kids from the influence of the world, we fail to teach them what it means to truly follow Jesus. Stott writes, “the church is a people who have been both called out of the world to worship God and sent back into the world to witness and serve. These are, in fact, two of the classical marks of the church. According to the first, the church is holy, called out to belong to God and to worship him. According to the second, the church is apostolic, sent out into the world on it’s mission.” Parents, each of us is both called and sent. The same holds true for our kids. Are you modeling what it means to live in, but not of, the world?
All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott writes about the need to listen carefully to the voices in our culture that express the deep, deep brokenness that exists. As one who studies youth culture, I can tell you that we hear those voices everywhere in the world of our young. Stott writes, “Unless we listen attentively to the voices of secular society, struggle to understand them, and feel with people in their frustration, anger, bewilderment and despair, weeping with those who weep, we will lack authenticity as the disciples of Jesus of Nazareth. Instead, we will run the risk of answering questions nobody is asking, scratching where nobody is itching, supplying goods for which there is no demand. In other words, of being totally irrelevant.” Parents, let’s listen and listen intently.
All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott reminds us of the need to listen, something I know I far too often overlook in my family relationships. Stott writes, “One of the most important, and much neglected ingredients of Christian discipleship is the cultivation of a listening ear. Bad listeners do not make good disciples. The apostle James was clear about this. His strictures on the tongue as a restless evil, full of deadly poison are well known, but he has no compatible criticism of the ear. He urges us not to talk too much, but seems to suggest that we can never listen too much when he says, ‘everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.’”
All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott reminds us that because we are human beings created by God, we have been made with an insatiable thirst for God. This holds true for our kids. . . even those who don’t seem like they care about spiritual things. Stott writes, “All human beings are aware of an ultimate personal reality, whom we seek, and in relation to whom alone we know we will find our human fulfillment. Even when we are running away from God, instinctively we know that we have no other resting-place, no other home. Without him we are lost, like waifs and strays. Our greatest claim to nobility is our created capacity to know God, to be in personal relationship with him, and to love him and to worship him.” Parents, your teens, do indeed, long for God.
All this week I want to take time to pass on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott challenges us to listen carefully to both God’s Word, and to the world. He writes, “We listen to the Word with humble reverence, anxious to understand it, and resolved to believe and obey what we come to understand. We listen to the world with critical alertness, anxious to understand it too, and resolved not necessarily to believe and obey it, but to sympathize with it and to seek grace to discover how the gospel relates to it.” Stott’s directive is especially helpful and necessary for those of us who want to share the Good News of the Gospel with the emerging generations. Like foreign missionaries, we need to know both God’s Word and the culture of our mission field. What are you doing to listen carefully to both?
Ever since teenage drug abuse ramped up in the nineteen sixties, schools, mental health professionals, the government, and parents have all been working to stem the tide of abuse and addiction. One of the greatest concerns has been the very real risk of death from drug overdose. I’m guessing that all of us have been touched by overdose death, perhaps in our families or circle of friends. Sadly, the latest research tells us that drug overdose deaths among teens more than doubled between twenty nineteen and twenty twenty, and this, in spite of the fact that there was also a decline in teen drug use. We also know that Fentanyl is now involved in at least seventy five percent of teen overdose deaths. With drug suppliers now mixing fentanyl in with other drugs, we need to exercise greater diligence in warning our kids about drug abuse. Pray that your teens would have a heart bent on following God, and that He would spare them from the scourge of illicit drugs.
When my son was about seven years old, we went to see the Orioles play at the Camden Yards stadium. Our seats were next to the opening where the cameraman tasked with putting shots of fans up on the big video scoreboard was seated. Three times during the game he put the camera on my son’s face, projecting him up on the scoreboard for all to see. During the last time, which was rather extended, my son eventually turned to me and said, ‘I hate my freckles.’ They were bigger than life up on that screen. I had loads of freckles when I was a kid, and so did my wife. He was destined to have them. In today’s image-obsessed world, freckles are now a thing, so much so that there’s a new trend where people are getting semi-permanent freckle tattoos, with hundreds of millions of views of tiktok videos promoting the trend. This is one more reminder of our need to counter the culture’s emphasis on our outer image, with a keen sense of God’s desire for us to focus on developing our inward character.
Both Luke chapter six and Matthew chapter seven record the words Jesus spoke which are now commonly referred to as The Golden Rule. “So in everything,” Jesus said, “do to others what you would have them tdo to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets.” I recently read a hand-written letter that my grandfather wrote to my mother upon her birth, ninety-years ago in 1934, expressing his deep hope that she would grow up to follow Christ and love others. He mentioned the Golden rule. In a day and age where our kids are encouraged to look out for number one and use others to their own advantage, we need to encourage our kids to engage consistently in service to others. New research even tells us that teens who volunteer in service to others not only benefit those others, but experience improvements in their own health and well-being, including the mitigation of feelings of isolation and loneliness that are epidemic today. Following God’s commands lead to our human freedom and flourishing.
The folks at the Pew Research Center have released new data that helps us understand how and where our teens are spending their social media time. The top most-visited and popular social media site among teens is YouTube, which comes as no surprise. More than nine out of ten teens say that they engage with YouTube, with seventy-one percent of all teens saying that they engage with YouTube on a daily basis. Sixteen percent say they are on YouTube almost constantly, thirty-eight percent are on it several times and day, and seventeen percent about once a day. The next three most popular social media sites are tiktok, snapchat, and Instagram. Parents, it’s no surprise that our kids are being shaped more and more by the life-lessons, perspectives, and worldview messages they encounter on social media. We need to not only limit their time, but help them learn to discern truth from error. Provide borders and boundaries for social media use, and encourage other activities.
In the past, you’ve heard me mention the results of initial research regarding the difference between reading text on a printed page, versus reading text on a screen. Researchers found that there is a fundamental difference between the two, as eye scans show that those who read on the printed page read line by line, and those who read on a screen tend to skip over text while looking for keywords. A new study looked at screen and print reading differences among children ages ten to twelve, that three year period which is most critical in reading development. This is the time when students shift from learning to read, to reading to learn. The initial findings indicate a greater depth of processing when reading from the printed page. Deeper comprehension and deeper learning occur. Since more and more kids are reading off screens, this could indicate the declines in text comprehension skills of thirteen year olds. Parents, don’t throw out the books. And most of all, keep your kids reading printed Bibles.
As he closes out his second letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul writes this: “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.” Paul’s desire for the Corinthians is the desire we should have for ourselves, that we are constantly working to be sure that we are staying on course as we progress in our growth in the Christian faith. I recently read this great suggestion from Donald T. Williams. He writes, “Whenever I am tempted to think that my sanctification is progressing rather well, I ask myself the following questions. Do I yet obey Jesus the way he deserves to be obeyed? Do I yet trust Jesus the way he deserves to be trusted? Do I yet love Jesus the way he deserves to be loved?” As Christian parents, we need to constantly be looking into the mirror as our lives are illuminated under the truths of God’s Word. These questions are so helpful, and they are questions we must teach our kids to ask of themselves for the rest of their lives.
I recently read a Touchstone Magazine interview with Princeton University professor Dr. Robert George, where he warns Christians about buying into the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity. He says that these categories are modern inventions. He goes on to say that it has very bad consequences if we enable Christians who experience same-sex desire or gender dysphoria, which as a matter of feeling is a reality”, that it actually is reality. He says that we should never ridicule those who struggle as they do deserve our care. He writes, “They need to be told the truth. And it’s not telling them the truth to say that, ‘well, your gender identity is female while your sex is male.” The ninth commandment tells us that we shall not bear false witness, or lie, to our neighbor. Parents, this couldn’t be more important for us to embrace as we interact with our children in a world of gender confusion. Tell them the truth about who God made them to be.
The law of cause and effect is a universal law which states that for every single action in the universe, a reaction is produced no matter what. I’ve seen the principle of cause and effect active in my own life in so many ways. For example, when I eat more, I gain weight. And conversely, when I eat less and exercise more, I lose weight. As we approach the twenty-year mark since the advent of smartphones, we’re learning more about cause and effect as it relates to technology. New research from the dcdx marketing firm reports that seventy three percent of young people ages fifteen to seventeen report sometimes or always feeling alone. This rise parallels a rise in the amount of screentime. It’s not a stretch to conclude that more time spent with screens means less time with people, thereby leading to loneliness. The triune God has made us for relationships, first and foremost with him, and then with family and friends. Help your kids disconnect in order to reconnect with others.
For our kids, especially our girls, there is an ever-present pressure causing them stress and anxiety that is undermining their mental and physical health. The pressure I’m talking about is the pressure they feel to conform their body shape and weight to appearance standards that value thinness as the passport to acceptance. Because this pressure is so strong during adolescence, our teens are vulnerable to not only feeling the pressure, but trying to answer the pressure by enlisting the dangerous practice of using weight-loss products. Over six percent of American teens report using a weight-loss product in the last thirty days, with instances that are higher among girls. Researchers say there’s a correlation between the use of these products in girls with low self-esteem, parental influence to lose weight, self-body dissatisfaction, and peer groups that value thinness. Parents, buffer the pressure by helping your kids value the development of their insides, rather than their outsides.
Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today’s world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids’ every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God’s design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God’s will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!
Besides warning our kids about the spiritual and legal issues related to underage drinking, we must also warn them about the damage that underage drinking does to their still not-fully-formed brains. In today’s world, more and more kids are engaging in binge drinking. That is, consuming five or more drinks in a period of two hours. Researchers have now found conclusive evidence that drinking during adolescence can lead to structural damages in the brain that can easily result in memory and cognitive deficits that can persist into adulthood. In other words, drinking as a child or teen can effect the brain even if the person stops drinking as they go through life. Parents, talk to your kids about the dangers of drinking, and encourage them to be good stewards who care for their God-given bodies. Warn them about the dangers of exposure to high doses of alcohol during their adolescent years. What they choose to do now can and will affect them for the rest of their lives.
As a dad, I remember the concern I felt as my daughters started to enter puberty and transform according to God’s good design, from little girls into women. I knew that with the shift through adolescence they would face new pressures in a world that puts a premium on body image, sexuality, and appearance. We worked hard to prepare them, buffer them, and guide them through this stage, all the while endeavoring to lead them more deeply into a relationship with Jesus Christ. According to the latest research, those of you raising girls need to be on high alert at earlier ages, as the new data shows that puberty is starting earlier, with girls developing breasts as young as age six or seven. While not all the reasons are known, researchers have seen links with childhood obesity, exposure to environmental chemicals, and stress. While it might make you uncomfortable, we need to be having conversations about Godly sexuality and body image at younger and younger ages.
Depending on how old you are, you remember the specific have-to-have-it faddish items that you needed if you desired to fit in with your peers. For those who are baby-boomers, it was yo’s-yo’s, clackers, mini-skirts and bell-bottomed jeans. There’s a new fad for today’s kids that’s rather pricey and a bit surprising. It comes from the one-hundred and ten year old Stanley company that has long been known to make steel lunch boxes and vacume bottles favored by construction workers. Today’s fad among children and teens is the Stanley Quencher water bottle, that goes for forty-five dollars. I’ve seen elementary aged kids carrying them around, a boon for Stanley whose sales rose from seventy-three million in 2019, to seven-hundred-and-fifty-million in 2023. While fads like these are not ethically or morally wrong, they can reveal the idols of our children’s hearts if they believe that having a certain thing is the passport to happiness and acceptance. Teach your kids to love the Lord above all else.
Kristen Jenson at defendyoungminds.com wrote an article entitled, Today’s Porn Industry: Five Things Every Parent Needs to Know. Parents, as you engage in continued conversations with your kids about the dangers and sinful nature of this horribly broken and addicting expression of God’s good gift of sexuality, keep in mind these warnings from Jenson. First, the porn industry is complicit with the sex trafficking of minors, rape, and pedophilia. Porn has become synonymous with sex crimes. Second, the pornography industry makes hard-core pornography available for free. If it doesn’t find your kids, your kids will find it. Third, pornography normalizes incest, racism, and violence to women. Fourth, the porn industry is a mainstream big corporate business. Yes, computer scientists, lawyers accountants, and HR execs are all a part of the scheme. And finally, the porn industry is doing all they can to deny the truth, to disinform, and to defame their critics. Parents, protect your kids from pornography.
We’re now hearing about what’s been labeled the “Sephora tween” that’s sweeping through the pre-teen population. Thanks to social media and our kids presence as both creators and consumers of things like TikTok videos, pre-teen girls who experts say have never heard their parents say “no” are heading to make-up and skincare Sephora stores to purchase high end products, and even sample them in the store, many times opening sealed product and making a mess. Some kids are not only using the products, but they are making videos to post on social media, all in the hope of gaining followers and becoming influencers. Not surprisingly, some of this can be traced back very recently to videos posted by the nine and eleven year old daughters of Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian. There’s plenty to warrant concern in this trend. Let’s add to that the fact that many of these products are not safe for a child’s skin. Parents, the culture promotes worldliness. Let’s lead our kids into Godliness.
In today’s world, our kids are being taught that true freedom consists of being able to step out from under any kind of external authority, and to live only under the authority of one’s self. They are to rule over themselves, constructing their own identities, beliefs, and behaviors based on how they feel at any given time. This way of living is not an option for our Christian kids. Consider these words of Jesus from John eight: “If you abide in my word you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” If we are going to be faithful follows of Jesus Christ, we must abide and live in the truths of God’s word. Dr. John White has said, “True freedom does not consist in doing what I want to do but in doing what I was designed to do.” Parents, teach your children and teens that full and complete human flourishing come only when we find our identity in who we’ve been made to be and we live according to God’s will and way for our lives.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you are aware of how the transgender ideology has been sweeping through the medical, educational, and legislative communities. This has created a growing sense, especially among our kids, that assuming a gender identity other than your birth gender is not only an option to explore, but an admirable thing to pursue. Salvo magazine reports that the trend may be taking a turn in the right direction, citing bioethicist Wesley J. Smith’s list of four signals that the tide might be turning against the cult-like push for trans-positivity. Smith says that first, European countries are back-pedaling on policies that allow medical transitioning for kids. Second, detransitioners are now speaking up to tell their horrific stories. Third, some are now suing those who influenced and helped their transition. And fourth, states are passing laws to protect minors from predatory medical practices. Let’s educate our kids on God’s design and his good gift of gender.
Our friends at Tim Elmore’s Growing Leaders organization recently chatted with a group of students between eighth grade and twelfth grade about their attitudes and practices regarding social media and screen time. It seems that many of the students interviewed realize that too much social media and screentime is harmful. One senior girl said this: “I was just on a trip with a group of friends, and a group of us girls sat down to make a list of the pros and cons of social media. The only pros we could think of were communication and how it helps you connect with people who you haven’t even met yet. It’s pretty convenient, but the cons way outweighed it so much. We mainly talked about how it was a waste of time and how easy it was to compare yourself to other people.” Those are some great insights. Parents, why not sit down with your kids and have them draw up a list of the pros and cons related to social media and screentime. Help them see the benefits of peeling back.
I remember being in Sunday School as a child and singing a catchy little song about wisdom, discernment, and influences that has stuck with me until this day. Perhaps you remember the same song, which issued warnings like be careful little eyes what you see, and be careful little ears what you hear. That song oftentimes comes to mind when I think about the influence that mass media and social media has on us and our kids. What we watch and what we listen to communicates beliefs about life that shape and even misshape our worldviews. And for our impressionable kids, the power to shape and misshape is especially strong. Parents, consider these true words from Robert McTeigue: Mass consumer culture is more than a vendor. The range of its dynamics is greater than simply facilitating the transfer of wealth from consumer to merchant. Mass culture is a principal venue for propaganda, seduction, illusion, and addiction.” Parents, teach your kids to think Christianly about media.
The great eighteenth century preacher and theologian Jonathan Edwards preached a sermon way back in August of 1740 that included some words to parents, educators, and the church which ring just as true today as when he spoke them almost three hundred years ago. Edwards said this: “Children ought to love the Lord Jesus Christ above all things in the world.” Jesus said the same thing this way Mark 12:30: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Whether we are children or adults, love for God is the very thing for which we have been made. As you consider this, realize that the culture is educating your kids twenty-four seven to love and serve themselves above all else. Parents, take stock of how your example and words speak loudly to your kids about what’s most important in your life. Are you modeling the compelling lifestyle of Christian discipleship and loving Christ above all else?
One of the most dangerous aspects of today’s social media is exposure. Social media is a place where our kids will be constantly exposed, among other things, to dangerous ideas, addictive immoral content, and dangerous people. It’s not a matter of if, but when. And once it finds them, kids who are unprepared to respond according to guidelines you’ve communicated, they very easily could wind up looking for that same content that they never asked to see in the first place. One way this happens is with followers. It seems like each and every day, I run across notifications of new Instagram followers along with notifications of their “likes” of my photos and stories. It only takes a second to realize that many of these people are depicted in sexualized photos. They are fishing for followers, and who knows what else. Parents, teach your kids to guard their hearts and minds by blocking these requests when they get them. As the Scriptures say, we should put no unclean thing before our eyes.
Back when I was a teenager, there was a growing movement in the church to steer kids away from popular music that referenced things like drugs, sex, and violence. Many parents and youth workers were criticized for monitoring what their kids were listening to, as some believed that music lyrics were benign in influence. But research began to show that their concerns were justified, as what we listen to does influence our beliefs and behaviors. A new study measuring the associations between listening to sexual music lyrics and the influence on adolescent behavior has found that boys are more likely to participate in sexting in the future when exposed to sexual music lyrics. Parents, we need to be gatekeepers for the minds and hearts of our kids. Psalm one-hundred-one three says, “I will set no wicked thing before my eyes.” We need to teach our kids to have that same resolve. Our entertainment time should be, like all other times, about pursuing that which is good, true, right, and honorable.
What should we be teaching our kids about what it means to live as a Christian in today’s world? Can they just live as they please, following the course of this world while believing if they raised their hand or walked forward during a church service or youth group meeting that they are going to heaven? The reality is that those who are committed to Christ are also committed to following Christ in this world. The Christian faith not only speaks to what happens after death, but it speaks to all of life before death. When we pray the Lord’s prayer we pray that God’s Kingdom will come, and that God’s will will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. As I once heard the late Tom Skinner say, “Our function is to be the live model of what is happening in Heaven. That is, we are to reflect the value system of the new order of things.” Skinner was reminding us that Jesus calls His follower to be the light of the world. Are you teaching your kids to follow Jesus and not themselves?
Our friends at protect young minds dot org are advising parents about five sneaky locations where pornography finds kids. Parents, be aware of these five locations. First, kids are accessing pornography through the wifi at their grandparents homes. The reason? Grandparents are less prone to install controls on their devices. Second, when kids are out from under your roof and at a sleepover, there are risks related to a lack of supervision. Many recommend that sleepovers are never a good idea. Third, when kids are together on the school bus and there are smartphones present, there is an unsupervised freedom that often leads to exposure. Fourth, several kids report that their first exposure to porn occurred when they were thirteen and babysitting in someone else’s home. And finally, eighty percent of exposure happens right in our own homes when our kids are behind closed doors. Parents, be diligent by warning your kids of the dangers, and then setting up safe borders and boundaries.
One of the questions I field from frustrated youth workers just about everywhere I go is this: How can I get parents to sit up and take notice of the many dangerous cultural trends influencing their children and teens today? They just don’t seem to care. They know these things are out there, but they believe that these things just won’t ever effect their kids. Truth be told, I share the frustration of these youth workers. I tell them that I typically find that parents sit up and take notice after something negative happens to their kids and they find themselves in crisis. It’s then that I hear parents ask, “Why didn’t we see this coming?” while saying “I didn’t think this would ever happen to us.” Parents, take note of what’s happening the world in terms of the pressures, challenges, and choices your kids are facing. Exercise prevention rather than ignorance. And heed the words of Proverbs 22:3: the prudent sees dangers and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.
The folks at drugfree.org recently released a guide to help parents understand current trends among teenagers in regards to alcohol consumption. In the guide, parents are given four answers to the question, “Why do young people drink alcohol?” The first answer is not surprising at all: I drink alcohol because my friends do. All of us know the push and pull of peer pressure from our own teenage years. Of course, media and advertising contribute to this everybody does it reality through glamorizing alcohol consumption. The second answer given by kids is that they drinking as a normal part of being social. Again, media has played a role in this. Third, kids say that alcohol helps them feel less anxious or depressed. And finally, there’s a reason given that simply boggles the mind: my parents are ok with it. Parents, when you are lenient, permissive, hosting parties, and providing a bad example, your kids are more prone to drink. Let’s get wise and do the right thing.
At one time or another, all of us were teenagers. And regardless of what generation you are from and when you went through your teenage years, you experienced having to navigate the developmental task of forming your identity. It’s during the teenage years that the search for the answer to the question “Who am I?” reaches it’s peak. In today’s social media saturated world in which our kids are encouraged to create your own authentic self, Identity is not longer seen as something we receive from outside of ourselves, but something which we choose and create for ourselves. In fact, in today’s world, our kids are always becoming rather than being. They are on a never-ending search for their true selves. This is evidenced in big ways in the way that kids are choosing rather than accepting their gender. What our kids need to know is that they have been created by God in the image of God, and when they are in Christ they are sons and daughters of God. That is where we are to find our identity.
We live in a world where conversations about sex and gender are all around us. According to the spirit of the times, each individual is sovereign over themselves, and therefore able to choose to live according to their feelings, desires, and preferences. But for the Christian, the foundation must be the Word of God. In his book Biblical Critical Theory, Christopher Watkin writes these words we must heed: “Genesis one is the single block on the bottom row of the Bible’s Jenga tower. If this one truth is removed or neglected, the whole edifice comes crashing down. The first verse of the Bible is really the foundation for everything else: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. If we can understand the implications of that single verse, we are well on our way to answer the ‘so what?’ question of the whole of the Scriptures.” Parents, we must teach our kids that God has created sex and gender. He is sovereign over all, and we must live into his design, not our own.
I recently had a youth worker friend lament what’s happening in the lives of her students as the result of some bad habits their families have adopted. She told me that after doing a quick survey of her students, she learned that only about ten percent eat dinner with their families every night. She went on to say that some of the families rarely ate dinner together. She told me that she had discovered that one of her students was using drugs. When she went to that student’s parents to share what she had learned, the parents were flabbergasted. When the parents wondered how they had missed this with their child, my youth worker friend was able to help them understand that their lack of time together as a family made it easy for them to miss what was happening with their teenager. A recent study of families in Britain found that families spend, on average, just six hours together a week. Parents, God has given you a relationship with your children. Nurture takes place when we spend time together.
Those of us who live here in North America have been deeply blessed in terms of material provisions and wealth. Relative to the rest of the world’s population, we are incredibly rich. Jesus warned about the dangers of money and wealth, and these are warnings we must heed ourselves, and teach our children to heed as well. In Luke sixteen Jesus speaks these words, “No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or her will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” I recently read these helpful clarifying words of commentary on this saying of Jesus: “Sin arises not when we possess riches but only when our riches possess us. To set our hearts on wealth is to turn away from God.” Parents, we need to model and teach a proper, God-glorifying perspective on money and wealth. We must warn our kids against idolatry, and to use all they have and will be given to God’s glory.
The American Psychological Association has released a new set of recommendations regarding teenagers and their use of social media. Likening social media use to getting behind the wheel of a car, APA President Thema Bryant says that “just as we require young people to be trained in order to get a driver’s license, our youth need instruction in the safe and healthy use of social media.” The APA recommends that this training should not be a once and done thing, but rather something that is revisited from time to time to reinforce best practices in an effort to protect kids from potential harm. Parents should also be setting borders and boundaries, along with monitoring their child’s social media use. Parents, this is a wise step to take as you fulfill your God-given responsibility to nurture and parent your children. Taking these steps might limit their exposure to content promoting self-harm, disordered eating, bigotry, sexual license, and gender fluidity. Be diligent with your kids.
I recently ran across the transcript from an interview I conducted fifteen years ago with theologian and author, David Wells. My last question to Dr Wells was this: If you were to address a room full of youth workers and you had the opportunity to communicate one message to them, what one message would you communicate? Here’s his answer, and it applies to parents as well: It is time to get brave. Let’s stop the pandering. Kids see right through it. Let’s give them the real thing. They are looking for it. No one has demanded anything of them; let us tell them that if they come to Christ, he bids them die. No one has told them that they can know truth as something other than their own private perspectives; let us tell them there is Truth and those who know it, lose their lives. No one has told them that there is a different way of life. If we tell them that they can have Christ on their own terms, we are selling them down the river. They instinctively know that. So, let us not make fools of ourselves anymore.
In her book, Live Your Truth and Other Lies, Alisa Childers says that there are endless ways that truth can be spun, manipulated, covered up, and even used to promote deception. Often, the lie is christened with religious-sounding language that makes it seem to feel right. Over my own years in ministry, I’ve come to understand that a half-truth is actually more dangerous than a complete lie. As Christians, we actually do a better job of spotting complete lies. But lacking well-honed skills of discernment, we also tend to jump right into half-truths. Childers issues this warning: Our culture is brimming with slogans that promise peace, fulfillment, freedom, empowerment, and hope. These messages have become such an integral part of our American consciousness that many people don’t even think to question them. They sound nice and carry an illusion of truth. The problem? They are lies. Parents, we need to teach our kids biblical discernment, and that begins with taking them into God’s Word.
As Christian parents, we must embrace the need to pray for our kids. But what should our expectations be regarding how we pray for our kids? Theologian J.G. Vos offers these helpful words: "We should expect and believe that God will answer our prayers in his own appointed time and way according to his holy will. That is, in all our praying we must be careful to maintain an attitude of submission to the sovereignty of God. We may never presume to dictate to God as to when and how our prayers are to be answered. If God in his sovereignty chooses to delay the answer to our prayers, we are not to become discouraged and give up praying; we are to exercise Christian patience, and keep on praying with 'perseverance, waiting upon him.' If God does not answer our prayers in the way we desired, we should realize that this is not an unkindness or lack of love on God's part, but because to grant our requests as we asked would not really be for God's glory and our own good."
Recently, there’s been a lot of conversation centered around the CDC’s latest edition of the Youth Risk Behavior Survey. The conversations are centered focused on of the findings related to teenagers and sexual behavior. The long-standing biannual survey continues to ask teens, “Have you ever had sexual intercourse?” The reality is that fewer teens are having sexual intercourse. But that does not mean that fewer teens are engaging in sexual activity. In fact, the kids themselves find the question to be out-dated, as there are many types of sexual activity and hook-ups that have become more and more common among our kids. For example, some kids talk about short-term hook-ups that are known as “situationships.” These are low commitment high-risk activities that might not be sexual intercourse. All this reminds us that our education regarding biblical sexuality is much-needed, perhaps now more than ever. Teach your kids God’s good design.
Today, I’d like to remind you of the passage in Deuteronomy six that’s known as the Shema. Listen carefully to these inspired words to parents. “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our god, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your head, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” As I read these words that remain as parental marching orders today, I am reminded of the need to consistently teach our children and teens the truths of God’s Word, in and through everything we do and everything we are. Are you consistently planting the seeds of God’s Word in your child’s life?
The late Dr. Paul Tournier, known by many as the twentieth century’s most famous Christian physician, wrote a book back in 1954 titled “The Meaning Of Persons” that offers some very helpful insights for today’s world as we try to figure out how to best navigate social media in healthy ways. Tournier said that we all have to recognize the disparity that exists between who we know ourselves to be on the inside, along with how we decide to present ourselves to other people. He calls this disparity the difference between what we know to be our person, and the personage we present to the world. Because social media allows us to create, fabricate, curate, and present a false self to our followers, this disparity can be especially wide in today’s world. Tournier says we become contradictory beings. The further apart our persons and our personages are, the greater will be our problems with mental health, for part of our lives will be lie. Could it be that this is at the heart of our kids mental health issues?
Today, I’d like to share with you a prayer from a little daily Scripture reading guide that I use titled “Seeking God’s Face.” This prayer is most timely for life in today’s world as each of us, young and old alike, works to navigate God’s good gift of sexuality to His glory and our good. Since sexual temptations are ever-present, this helpful short prayer is one that each of us can share with our kids. Here’s the prayer: “Covenant God, we know the well-worn path of sexual sin – a lingering look, a lustful desire, a wicked thought, a world of invitation, and finally the actual act. Single or married, keep us true to your intention for the bodies you gave, always honoring you and others in them. In Christ’s name. Amen.” Parents, I encourage you to help your kids understand not only the goodness of their sexuality, but the many ways in which our sinful and broken selves so easily go astray. Share with them the universality of sexual sin, and point them to the God who promised to give them a way out.
Sometimes some research comes along that confirms what we already know just from intuition. But we need to listen to that research as it reminds us of things that should be getting our attention. A new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that chaotic home environments have a negative influence on family communication, specifically leading to reduced conversations and sharing between teenagers and their mothers. A chaotic home is one that breeds the kinds of unpredictability and tension that leads kids to clam up and avoid conversations. Parents, the responsibility to maintain peace in our homes falls on us. We need to eat together, engage in fun activities together, attend worship together, and pray together as we nurture our children in the faith. Our prayers must echo the words of this benediction: the Lord make his face to shine upon us, and be gracious to us. The Lord lift up His countenance upon us, and give us peace, this day and forever more.
Parents, do you struggle to figure out how to best guide your children and teens through the difficult realities of life in today’s world? If you do, you are not alone. Our rapidly changing world can leave our heads spinning. Dr. James Montgomery Boice offers up these words of advice and remedy that I have found to be personally helpful: Study the bible daily. We should discipline our lives to include regular periods of Bible study, just as we discipline ourselves to have regular periods for sleep, eating our meals, and so on. These things are necessary if the body is to be healthy and if good work is to be done. In the same way, we must feed regularly on God’s Word if we are to become and remain spiritually strong.” These helpful words from James Boice are a good guideline as we parent in today’s world. Only the regular study of God’s word can give us the perspective and wisdom we need to raise our kids in the midst of culture’s many pressures. Parents, point your kids to God’s unchanging word.
One of the most difficult issues parents find themselves navigating in today’s smartphone and social media saturated world relates to setting proper borders and boundaries for their kids when it comes to devices and online time. Many parents I run into lament putting a smartphone in the hands of their children and teens. Most did it for a couple of reasons. First, to know where their kids are and to keep them safe. And second, they don’t want their kids to feel left out when their circle of friends are all on smartphones and social media. I recently heard some great advice from actress Jennifer Garner regarding how she has kept her three kids, ages seventeen, thirteen, and eleven, off social media. She says, “I just said to my kids, show me the articles that prove that social media is good for teenagers, and then we’ll have the conversation. Find scientific evidence that matches what I have that says it’s not good for teenagers, then we’ll chat.” Parents, this is a great way to navigate this issue with your kids.
In today’s world, our kids are encouraged by the cultural narrative to live their lives at the level of their experiences and feelings. If a decision needs to be made or a belief is embraced, those decisions and beliefs should be based solely not on some outside authority, but on the authority of one’s own opinions. For the Christian, the only trustworthy authority is God’s unchanging Word. In his second letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul reminds timothy to embrace the Scriptures, which are able to make us wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.” Paul continues, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Paul is telling all of us to submit our beliefs and behaviors to trustworthy authority of God’s Word. The late James Montgomery Boice says this: “We must evaluate our experiences by the Bible’s teaching, rather than the other way around.”
I recently read about a group that is working to address a growing issue facing families and schools. The organization is called the School Avoidance Alliance and it exists to address the issue of school avoidance, which is when a child refuses to attend school or has difficulty remaining in school the entire day. The alliance tells us that child motivated refusal to attend school or remain in class is not uncommon. In fact, school avoidance affects anywhere from five to twenty-eight percent of youth at some time. The listed causes include phobias, anxiety disorders of all types, ptsd, learning differences, bullying, and mental health issues. Because school avoidance is a sign of deeper issues, we suggest that you seek out the help of a qualified Christian counselor if school avoidance is an issue in your family. Don’t overlook the fact that Pointing school avoidant kids to reassuring Scriptures about God’s provision and protection is one necessary intervention strategy.
Sadly, alcohol use and abuse has been seen as a normal rite of passage for kids over the course of several generations. But do you know that aside from the moral and spiritual reasons to be concerned, there are a host of other reasons to be concerned about kids using alcohol? The folks at drugfree.org list the following reasons for concern. First, alcohol does damage to a teenager’s developing brain. Second, alcohol use leads to risky behaviors. Third, teens run the risk of drinking and driving while impaired, a habit that can end lives and change families forever. Fourth, alcohol use contributes to poor mental health and is a significant factor in youth suicide. Fifth, alcohol use can lead to chronic health problems. Sixth, there is the danger of alcohol poisoning, which can be fatal. And finally, there is always the risk of addiction. Parents, you have the greatest influence on your kids beliefs and the resulting behaviors. Warn them about the dangers of alcohol use, and set up clear boundaries.
Those of us who embraced the Christian faith during our childhood and teenage years have memories of how hard it was to live faithful lives in a midst of a culture that encouraged us to do otherwise. Much of our difficulty came from the presence of negative peer pressure. This kind of difficulty is present in the lives of our Christian kids today, but is even more pronounced due to the changes taking place in today’s culture. We would do well to share these words from the late justice Antonin Scalia. “God assumed from the beginning that the wise of the world would view Christians as fools and he has not been disappointed. Devout Christians are destined to be regarded as fools in modern society. We must pray for courage to endure the scorn of the sophisticated world. If I have brought any message today, it is this: Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world.” Parents, share these words with your kids.
All this week we’ve been looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the fifth sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will endeavor to approach decision-making from a biblical perspective. A child who is pursuing God will have a heart for doing what is right. We can’t be content with raising teens whose decisions are impulsive, emotion-driven, and self-centered. We must hold a higher standard before them. We need to model and encourage what Paul Tripp calls a “Godward reference,” instilling in our teens a desire to do everything to the glory of God. The most important question in any situation is, “What does God want me to think, desire, say, and do?” And, we want them to embrace the Bible as their most important tool in making the critical and practical decisions of life. Parents, never stop praying that your children will develop a deep heart for God.
All this week we’re looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the fourth sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will be relaxed and open to discussions about spiritual things. We should not expect or accept our teenagers’ being closed and defensive to spiritual things. Paul Tripp says that we should seek to nurture our children to love the Lord and his word. Our kids need to grow up to understand that God’s word speaks to every situation of life, and they should be hungry to be guided and corrected by God’s Word. We want our kids to be humble and open to God’s guidance. They need to know that they need God’s help, and they should seek it. Parents, evaluate your teenager. How open is he or she to talking about spiritual things. Continually pray for your teen. Pray for their hearts and minds. Ask God to give them a hunger and thirst to talk about God and His word.
All this week we’re looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the third sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will pursue fellowship with the body of Christ. He will want to spend time with others who also love God. He will look for peers who share his faith and his desire to be involved in Christian community. This is the teenager who leaves for college and begins his time on campus by checking out the Christian fellowship opportunities. This is the teen who will seek out other Christians in his high school. And, he will value the help, prayers, encouragement, experience, insight, and wisdom of the older members of the body of Christ. Parents, our greatest desire should be to see our children grow up to pursue, love, and serve Jesus Christ. Ask God to embrace your teen and to create in your teen a desire to be in active fellowship with other Christians.
All this week we’re looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the second sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will have a desire to be involved in corporate worship and instruction. A teenager who is glad to go to church services and who does not need to be threatened to be there will be there for two primary reasons. First, he will enjoy worship because worship expresses his heartfelt love and thanksgiving for God and his work. Second, he will find enjoyment in being with people who share his desire to praise God. He will be there because he finds that corporate worship helps him focus on the most important thing in life, the existence of God and his glory. A teen who has a heart for the pursuit of God may not be able to put this desire for worship into words, but he will want to be in worship. Pray that your teen develops a heart for God and a passion for worship.
There are so many voices in our culture that cry out to our kids, summoning their allegiance and defining what’s most important in life. Sadly, few of these voices encourage them to have a heart for God. All this week, I want to share with you the signs of a heart for God that Paul Tripp identifies in his wonderful parenting book, Age of Opportunity. Paul Tripp says that the first sign of a heart for God is an independent life of personal worship and devotion. A teen with a heart for God spends personal time with the Lord. He will want to read the Bible and spend time in prayer. She will carve out time in the midst of her busy and chaotic schedule to study the scriptures. Tripp says that it’s not likely that your teen will get up every morning at five a.m. to read and pray for two hours, but there will be a developing life of personal devotion. Parents, pray that your teen will develop a deep hunger and thirst to know God, to study God’s word, and to pray.
There are two phrases in Scripture that we must pay attention to, understand, and teach to our kids. They are, “In this life”, and “In the end.” These two phrases are so helpful in giving us a proper perspective on the difficult things we will face in this world. When we read the Bible we learn that in this life there will be pain, sorrow, disease, discord, decay, death, and a host of other realities. This life is filled with all kinds of things as a result of human sin and the world not being the way its supposed to be. Be we do not live as those who have no hope. You see, in the end will be the glorious restoration of all things to the way they are supposed to be. And so, we will find ourselves living now with both heartache and hope as we groan with all creation for that day when our mourning will be turned into dancing! Are you teaching your kids to live their lives in light of eternity? Or, are you leaving them to a cultural narrative which encourages them to live as they wish for the moment?
In the past you’ve heard me say that roughly seventy-percent of our kids who play organized sports drop out by the age of thirteen. One of the main reasons cited is the pressure they feel from parents and coaches, a pressure that becomes unbearable and which drains the fun out of playing the sport. Now that we live in a social media saturated world, there seems to be a new reason for our kids to drop out of sports. A recent survey found that kids are dropping out due to the fact that they don’t think their bodies measure up to the idealized athletic body types they are seeing on social media. Researchers found that kids who had concluded they didn’t have the right body were defining the right body by what they saw on TikTok and Instagram. Not surprisingly this reason for dropping out was cited more often by our girls than by our boys. Parents, we need to promote the value of Godly character over body type, and we need to encourage our kids to play and have fun.
I’ve always been fascinated by reports that deliver data on how values, attitudes, and behaviors have changed from one generation to another. The American Enterprise Institute recently released a report that had some discouraging and some encouraging news. For my generation of baby-boomers, fifty-four percent, reported drinking alcohol or smoking pot or cigarettes occasionally during their teen years. For Gen Z, born between 1997 and 2012, that number has decreased to thirty-two percent. This is encouraging news that should drive us to keep our prevention efforts moving forward. The discouraging news is that while seventy one percent of Baby Boomers attended religious services during their teen years, that number has dropped to fifty-two percent for those from Gen Z. Parents, our greatest desire for our kids is to see them grow up to become faithful followers of Jesus Christ. Being an active member of a church should be part of their teen experience.
The folks at Defend Young Minds have released a list of the three top reasons why more our girls are seeking out and engaging with pornography. To know the reasons is to know how to push back on this trend. First, our girls are feeling a growing pressure from boys to watch pornography. Girls are feeling compelled to conform to these expectations. We must respond by helping them understand the immoral nature of these expectations, along with encouraging them to feel the freedom to come and talk to us when they encounter the expectations. Second, may girls accidentally discover pornography, many times through social media feeds and chat groups. Borders and boundaries are needed, along with parental oversight, and again, the encouragement to talk openly with us as parents. Finally, they go to pornography out of curiosity. Parents, remember that your child’s sex education needs to be rooted in Scripture, along with what you are teaching them in the home.
In his classic old book, “With Christ in the School of Prayer”, Andrew Murray offers us some sage advice that should spark our own regular self-reflection. It’s also advice we can pass on to our kids as we teach them to engage in self-reflection, both now and for the rest of their lives. Murray writes this: “The tone of my life during the day is God’s criterion of what I really am and desire.” What Murray was saying is that how I live moment by moment – the choices I make, the things I say, how I spend my time, and how I spend my money – all of those things speak loudly about who and what I worship. Regardless of what I might say, my life offers clear and unmistakable evidence of who I am and what I worship. I don’t know about you, but that causes me to pause and really consider whether I am truly endeavoring to follow Jesus Christ. Parents, your kids are watching you, and the tone of your life during the day will become their guideline for who they should be and what they should really desire. All of us must take up our cross and follow Jesus daily.
A professor starts his recent article in Christianity Today magazine with this sentence: “As I prepare to begin my tenth year as a seminary professor, I’m going to begin the biblical capstone class I’ll be teaching by recommending that my students consider taking up a habit they’re likely unfamiliar with: bringing an actual, physical, printed-and bound Bible to class.” Kudos to this professor for taking this step. The presence of smartphones and Bible apps, which are not bad things in and of themselves, has led more and more believers to never carry or read an actual paper Bible. Without a physical bible we can easily lose our sense of the Genesis to Revelation narrative of redemption. We are limited in our ability to understand context. It is more difficult to cross-reference passages. We don’t read as deeply on the screen. And, we are more easily distracted. With Christmas coming, why not set each of your kids up with the gift a good, old-fashioned, physical Bible?
Last Thanksgiving, our adult children all came to our house with our grandchildren to share the traditional Thanksgiving meal. Because our family has grown over the years, we had to get creative with moving furniture around in order to make one large table that would accommodate seventeen people. But it was all worth it as we were able to share a meal and conversation around the table. As I was looking around the table, I got to thinking about how eating together as a family is a disappearing reality for so many. A recent survey from the American Enterprise Institute found that seventy-six percent of the members of my baby-boomer generation say that having regular family meals was a part of their childhood experience. It was consistently a part of my own family experience. Now, only thirty-eight percent of the members of Generation Z, born between 1997 and 2012, report having regular family meals. Parents, make meal-time a valuable family time, and hold it sacred.
In our good and necessary efforts to teach our kids God’s good creational design for sexuality and gender, I’m afraid that we can oftentimes unintentionally leave our kids less than compassionate towards those who are struggling with sex and gender confusion, or who are choosing to believe and live into the current cultural narrative. One of the things I tell parents is that we do not have a good history of treating those who believe and behave differently in ways that Christ would treat them. A recent survey found, not surprisingly, that self-identifying bisexual, gay, and lesbian Americans report higher rates of bullying than those who are heterosexuals. Thirty-five percent of heterosexuals report being bullied during their teen years, while fifty-six percent of gay or lesbian, and sixty-two percent of bisexuals report being bullied as teens. We must teach our kids to recognize sin, but to also be compassionate to all of God’s divine image-bears.
I recently read a piece in the New York Times written by Callie Holterman. The headline read, “In candy shades and eggy shapes, many of today’s most popular vaping devices look like toys. Experts worry they will hook a new generation of users.” After reading the article, I went online to look through one of the many online vape outlets that serve as clearinghouses for a host of vaping devices and supplies. I was greeted with everything Holterman’s article discussed, along with four hundred and twenty different products from which to choose. I was invited to shop by brand or type, along with an option for shopping by flavor, with flavors listed being too long to mention here, but including things like Banana, Grape, Lush Ice, and Blue Razz. . . all designed to attract new young users. Parents, you need to know that vaping is not a safe alternative to smoking conventional cigarettes. They are addictive and dangerous. Teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory.
A blessed and happy New Year to you! 2023 is now in the past and we look forward with great expectation and perhaps a bit of trepidation to 2024. Today is a perfect day for you to sit with your kids and talk about the days in which we live, the reasonable expectations we must have, and where to find our hope. I’ve gotten into the habit of using each and every New Year’s Day to pause and pray. I thank the Lord for another year. I ask his blessing on my family. I ask Him to protect us from harm and to provide for our well-being. And, because our world is filled with brokenness, there will be unexpected bumps in the road during the coming year. I ask the Lord to prepare me to handle whatever may come. Perhaps today you can share these words from Psalm thirty-three with your family: Our soul waits for the Lord. He is our help and shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.
If you’ve been watching any football on television this season, you may have noticed that a growing number of players are wearing a strange looking collar. It’s called the Q Collar, and it’s designers claim that it helps reduce the effects of blows to the head by using pressure on the neck to increase blood volume in the brain’s venous structures, thereby reducing the harmful internal movement that causes brain injury and concussions. The fact that the Q Collar even exists offers evidence that we are learning what repeated blows to the heads can do. Recently, the New York Times ran a report where five parents of young athletes diagnosed after death with Chronic Traumatic Encephelopathy talked about how little they knew about the potential for long-term consequences when they first registered their elementary-aged sons for tackle football. The Concussion Legacy foundation reminds parents that it is wise and necessary to hold kids out of tackle football until high school.
Over the course of the last couple of years, I, like you, have seen countless television commercials for law firms inviting viewers to engage in lawsuits for a variety of causes, many times because of exposure to contaminants at Camp LeJeune, or for illnesses like Mesothelioma. I’ve often times turned to my wife to tell her that we are not far from seeing the same kinds of ads pop up for those who were encouraged and perhaps forced into gender transitioning steps by parents, medical doctors, educators, and others. The reality is that several suits are now in progress, and there are law firms working to announce their willingness to represent detransitioners who want to sue those who lied about the dangers of these medical interventions. Parents, this reminds us of our need to not only advocate for our kids with sensibility, but to do so from a biblical perspective. At creation, God made two genders, and he has created all people to live into the gender that was given at conception.
I remember what a qualified parenting expert I used to be. In fact, I was at my best in knowing how to parent correctly before I even had kids. And then our kids came. I had a lot of repenting to do, and I also needed to know where to look for the best advice. My bookshelf is filled with Christian parenting books that helped us along the way as we were raising our own kids. We also went to our parents for advice on many of the everyday tasks of parenting that sometimes left us confused and looking for help. Researchers at the University of Michigan are reporting that parents are now bypassing advice from their parents along with parenting books. Instead, and not surprising, they are going to social media for guidance on potty training, sleep issues, and child discipline. Here’s the rub: you can find anything on social media, and how do we know it’s trustworthy? We recommend that you navigate social media with caution, and filter any advice you receive through the lens of God’s Word.
Just in case you’ve never heard of ChatGPT, here’s a short definition written by one of our CPYU Research Fellows, Brett Wirebaugh: “ChatGPT is an artificial intelligence assistant similar to Siri or Alexa, but considerably more powerful, intelligent, and interactive. Unlike those popular chatbots, ChatGPT doesn’t use voice commands. A user simply types in a question and ChatGPT sifts through billions of online data sources to answer complex questions, solve math problems, write essays, and much more, all in a matter of seconds.” Launched just over a year ago, we’ve been concerned that ChatGPT could be used by students to even write complete papers and assignments, which in effect would be cheating. The Pew Research Center says that one in five teenagers who have heard of ChatGPT say they have used it to help them do their schoolwork. While some may have used it to explore a topic, we do believe that we have to teach our kids that they should not use ChatGPT to do their work for them.
If you’re like me, there are two ways that I lose sight of what it is that we are celebrating on this Christmas day. First, I’ve allowed the familiarity of Christmas to diminish the meaning. I grew up in a Christian home where Christmas was centered on the birth of Christ. Even though I value that heritage, I realize that the bible readings and Christmas hymns have become so familiar that I’m tempted to listen and sing without actually focusing on the wonder of the incarnation. Second, I’ve allowed the busyness, the rush, and all the cultural Christmas fluff to crowd out the silence that’s needed to really focus on the coming of Jesus Christ into the world to undo all that’s been wrecked by sin. In his Advent devotional, Paul Tripp writes these helpful words: This season, in the midst of all the celebrations and gift-giving, be careful to remember that at the center of what we celebrate is one game-changing, life-altering, hope-giving reality: grace is a person, and his name is Jesus.
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, we’ve been looking all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Dr. Mack warns against hasty, knee-jerk speech. You see, a quick response is usually an unwise response. Proverbs 29:20 reads, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” James 1:19 reminds us to “be quick to hear, and slow to speak.” And the writer of Ecclesiastes warns, “Do not be quick with your mouth.” We all know from our own personal experience of speaking quickly that words spoken in haste are seldom profitable. We want to build strong relationships with our kids so that we might be able to fulfill our God-given responsibility to guide them into a God-honoring adulthood. Sure, this requires that they listen to our guidance and instruction. It also requires that we avoid all circuit jammers to communication.
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, we’re looking all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Dr. Mack warns against using cotton-candy speech. When eaten in moderation, cotton candy may not be detrimental to your health. But if it’s the main component of your diet, watch out! Cotton candy can never build a strong and healthy body. People who try to live on it will die of starvation. Dr. Mack says that many families are weak and frail because the main item on the communication menu is cotton candy speech. Conversations are superficial, lacking depth, and void of substance. Surface talk, frivolous joking, and teasing form the bulk of the family’s interactions. Because serious issues, painful and perplexing matters, and ultimate concerns are never discussed, the family relationships are shallow. Parents, what can you do to go deeper?
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, we’re looking all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.”Dr. Mack warns against the dangerous practice of using verbal manipulation. Because we are older and more experienced than our children, it’s often easy for us to enlist verbal attempt to control, manipulate, or punish our children. For example, what message are you sending to your children if you tell them, “You’ll be the death of me yet?” Or what happens when in a fit of anger we burst out with hurtful words like “I wish you had never been born.” Or what about a simple blanket statement such as “You’re just no good.” Unless you’ve been on the receiving end of verbal manipulation, you just can’t imagine how deeply it cuts and how it not only crushes our kids, but destroys our relationships. Parents, what messages are you sending to your kids?
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, I want to look all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Dr. Mack warns against adopting patterns of mind-reading speech. It’s unwholesome to speculate about another person’s thoughts or motives. We can throw a real monkey wrench into our communication with our kids when we assume and tell them what they really meant by what they said. If you’ve been the victim of someone who’s told you, “You can’t fool me. I know what you meant,” you know how quickly communication breaks down. Parents, we must consistently evaluate how we are communicating with our kids, and if we are perpetrators of mind-reading speech, we need to ask forgiveness and change our ways in order to adopt more healthy ways to listen and communicate. How well are you communicating with your teenager?
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, I want to look all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Parents, the burden falls on us to be sure that we aren’t adopting any of these harmful communication patterns. Dr. Mack warns us against excessive negative talk. This takes place when we constantly complain, find fault, and seldom affirm or talk about the positive virtues of other people. Excessive negative talkers rarely acknowledge the good things happening in the world, the church, or their family. These verbal purveyors of gloom and doom foster a depressing atmosphere in the family. Parents, if this is the way we’re approaching our kids, don’t be surprised if your home becomes a place where heaviness, rather than happiness, prevails.
With the advent of the internet and online pornography, the male to female gap on pornography exposure and use has been closing. The latest research indicates that fifty-seven percent of females ages fourteen to eighteen have viewed pornography. Pornhub states that over one-third of their global viewership was female in 2022, which is an increase of fifty-one percent since 2014. A survey conducted by the she recovery.com pornography support site for women offers up some sobering statistics on age of first exposure. Over eleven percent of the female respondents said they were first exposed to pornography at seven years old or younger, and forty-seven percent said their first exposure was between eight to twelve years old. By the time they were seventeen, over three-quarters had viewed pornography. We need to teach our kids to avoid the undoing that comes with viewing fallen expressions of God’s good gift of sex and sexuality. Parents, teach your kids from a young age.
The first question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism is this: “What is the chief end of man?” I have found that the answer informs all that we are and everything we do in our lives. The answer is this: “To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Everything we do in life is an act of worship, and everything we do in life should be done to glorify God. This includes how we drive. This should cause us to think about the speed we drive, how we react to and interact with other drivers, and how we respond to traffic jams and slowdowns when we are in a hurry. Parents, as the one’s who train our kids to drive, it’s about more than how to operate an automobile. New findings from the 2023 Drowsy Driving Survey from the National Sleep Foundation found that one in six teens report driving drowsy during their first two years behind the wheel, and most believe that drowsy driving is not as dangerous while driving drunk or distracted. Parents, this is an aspect of driver training we mustn’t avoid.
How much money would you need to be happy? That’s the question The Harris Poll asked over two-thousand Americans over the age of eighteen from multiple generations, and the results are surprising, or maybe not. The survey found that almost six out of ten respondents think that happiness can be bought, and that the average person believes that they would have to have one-point-two million dollars in the bank to be truly happy. In addition, the average respondent thinks they would need to earn – fasten your seatbelt! – two-hundred-and-eighty-five-thousand dollars a year to be happy. What was most surprising to me was that Millennials, the generation born between 1981 and 1996, believe they would need to earn five-hundred-and-twenty-five-thousand dollars a year to be happy! Experience tells us the truth: that those who have a lot, are never happy and always want more. Ecclesiastes five ten reminds us, “Those who love money will never have enough.” Let’s tell our kids to pursue Christ and not money.
There’s a story from my teenage years that consistently leaves me laughing as I think about just how confusing the always-morphing world of teen slang confuses those who are older. My mom had heard the word “geek” for the first time as a derogatory descriptor of a teenage peer. Confessing her ignorance, she went to my younger brother and asked, “What’s a geek?” Without hesitation, my brother answered in a way that left her even more confused: “Oh that’s easy! It’s the same as a dork!” In today’s world, you may have heard your kids use the word “rizz”, spelled r-i-z-z. What does this slang term mean? It’s used to describe someone who has charm and the ability to flirt well. If you hear them talking about someone having rizz they consider that person attractive or having the ability to communicate in alluring ways. Wanting to rizz someone means wanting to flirt with them or charm them. Rizz is a shortened form of the word charisma. Parents, don’t be a dork. Instead, have rizz!
With Christmas right around the corner, the U.S. Public Interest Research Group has published a report warning us about the dangers of certain products. One aspect of the group’s report should be of concern to parents who are buying what are known as smart toys for their children and teens. Specifically, toys that are enabled by artificial intelligence and which have a camera and microphone might be able to assess a child’s reactions using facial expressions or voice inflection, thereby allowing the toy to develop a relationship with the child. In addition, the toy might be able to gather and share information and data which could be transmitted to a company’s external servers. Of course, this data mining could be used for marketing purposes, and a data breach could allow hackers to collect and misuse that data. Parents, you have been given the responsibility by God to protect your children from harm and provide for their wellbeing. Use wisdom and discernment when putting toys and other devices in your home.
My dad always used to tell me that his greatest prayer for his children was that they would grow up to love, follow, and serve Jesus Christ. His second greatest prayer was that each of us would marry someone who did the same. To that end, my parents went to great lengths to nurture us in the Christian faith. In today’s secularized world, fewer and fewer parents are embracing the Christian faith, and as a result, fewer and fewer are nurturing their children in the faith. The Monitoring the Future survey reports that in the early 1990s, no more than sixteen percent of eighth, tenth, and twelfth grade students said that religion was not important to them at all. Now, that number has climbed to thirty percent of our seniors and sophomores, and twenty five percent of our eight graders. Parents, your children and teens have been made by God for a relationship with God, just like you. Jesus calls us to come and follow him, and he calls our kids to the same. Nurture your children in the faith.
I recently ran across a brand new tool that is especially helpful for teaching your children and teens about God’s good and glorious design for sexuality and gender. Written by Christopher Gordon, it’s the New Reformation Catechism on Human Sexuality. If you are unfamiliar with catechisms, a catechism is a summary of the principle of Christian religion in the form of questions and answers that’s used for instruction. And, in a world where our kids are being misled twenty-four seven, this new catechism serves to communicate the truths they need to hear in order to live into God’s good and glorious design. Consider this question and answer regarding the gender binary: How many sexes did God make at Creation? God made two sexes at creation; in the image of God he created them, make and female he created them. Parents, we must educate our kids properly, pointing them to God’s creational order and intent. And the place where we find this truth, is in the Bible!
Recently, our friends at Lifeway research offered some very helpful directives for those of us who desire to see our kids grow up to love, follow, and serve Jesus Christ. There are three factors in particular that parents must be aware of that research tells us are present in the homes of those who grow up to embrace a life of Christian discipleship. First, Dads need to be involved in the lives of their kids. Researchers found that the odds of a teen dropping out of church are one-point-two-seven times lower among those kids whose fathers attended church, compared to those whose fathers did not attend church when the teen was seventeen. Second, teens who embrace a life of discipleship grew up in families where their parents were active and involved in the church, and the kids came along. Finally, and not surprisingly, teens who regularly spend time reading and studying their Bibles are more likely to follow Jesus. Parents, make sure these habits are present in your home.
A couple of months ago I was back in the classroom for a week, teaching a course to college students which had us together for over eight hours a day. Upon returning home, a notification told me that over the course of the prior week, I had used my phone for a significantly less amount of time than usual. Knowing just how tethered I can be to my phone, I counted that notification as a win! All of us risk becoming too dependent on and attached to our phones. Recent research from Common Sense Media found that our teens appear to be increasingly distracted by their phones. Their study of kids ages eleven to seventeen found that kids aged thirteen and older picked up their phone, on average, over one hundred times a day. More than half of the study’s participants received at least two hundred and thirty seven notifications a day, with twenty three percent of those coming during school hours. We need to help our kids shut down in order to, as the apostle Paul says, Make the most of your time.
Because we are living in a day and age where the transgender ideology is everywhere, we need to go out of our way to teach God’s good creational design and intent for gender. The New Reformation Catechism on Human Sexuality gives us a clear answer to the question, “Does God permit us to change our sex?” The answer reads, “Certainly not. To reverse how God created us as male or female, due to fallen, unchosen thoughts and self-perceptions would be an act of rebellion, and a gross distortion of God’s creative handiwork in specifically forming us for his own glory. Further, in the New Jerusalem, any genital mutilation, or confusion over sexual orientation identity, will be restored in our new resurrection bodies. Therefore, we should not change our sex since God promises to glorify our bodies, in everlasting happiness, as he created us male and female, in the final resurrection.” Parents, we need to push back on the gender ideologies which are so easily believed, with God’s unchanging Word.
Here’s little piece of market research that I find encouraging as we enter into this Christmas season when we exchange gifts in our families. Marketers have coined the term “kidulting” as the name for a growing consumer craze where adults are buying toys not just for their kids, but for themselves. In fact, the research from the toy association shows that this Christmas, eighty-nine percent of adults plan to buy toys for grown-ups on their list. In addition, forty-three percent of adults plan to buy toys for themselves. What’s encouraging about the data is that adults are also looking for toys that will bring their entire family together through play. This trend reminds us of years gone by when families would purchase board games to play together. In a day and age where technology, social media, and busy schedules tend to undermine the growth and health of our family relationships, this is a positive trend. Perhaps this year you can focus on purchases that foster the growth the of your God-given family!
There’s a little daily devotional guide that I’ve been using for several years entitled, “Seeking God’s Face: Praying With The Bible Through The Year.” It’s good, and I highly recommend it to you. Each and every year I land on an October entry that takes me into the passage in Second Samuel eleven where we read about King David’s sin with Bathsheba. His lustful look led to him summoning Bathsheba to his bed where he committed the sin of adultery and Bathsheba became pregnant. The story is sobering as it shows us the deep, wide, and abiding consequences of sin. I love the closing prayer for the day and want to share it with you here: Covenant God, we know the well-worn path of sexual sin – a lingering look, a lustful desire, a wicked thought, a word of invitation, and finally the actual act. Single or married, keep us true to your intention for the bodies you gave, always honoring you and others in them. In Christ’s name, Amen. That’s a prayer to pray for ourselves and our kids.
Recently, our friends at Lifeway research offered some very helpful directives for those of us who desire to see our kids grow up to love, follow, and serve Jesus Christ. There are three factors in particular that parents must be aware of that research tells us are present in the churches of those who grow up to embrace a life of Christian discipleship. First, churches who foster an environment of trust and guidance are churches where teenagers feel the freedom to go for help and direction. Teens who grow up in a church like this are less likely to drop out of church and walk away from the faith. Second, churches that provide youth leaders who truly care about their students leave kids less likely to drop out of church and walk away from the faith. Make sure your church is training and equipping strong leaders. And finally, churches where adults reach out to kids, take an interest in them, invest in them, and foster relationships with them are more likely to see kids stick around. Is this what’s happening in your church?
Today’s culture offers kids many options as they search to find an answer to the question, who am I? In the New Reformation Catechism on Human Sexuality, we find this question and truth filled answer about identity. “Why is it comforting that we have a new identity in Jesus Christ?” The answer? “I am being remade into the image of Christ, to have a true identity, in body and soul, throughout the whole course of my life, to enjoy god and glorify him forever. He redeemed my life with the precious blood of his son, and has delivered me from the lie of Satan in the Garden. He also watches over me in such a way that he might free me from all sexual impurity as the temple of his indwelling.; in fact, all things must work together to remake me into the image of his Son. Because I have this new identity, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, also assures me of God’s steadfast love, and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to enjoy true freedom as a new creation.”
What are we to do if we have or know children and teens who are choosing to live outside of God’s good design for sex and gender? Sadly, in today’s world, many of us are afraid to love our kids enough to confront behavior that’s undoing them. But “I love you enough to tell you the truth” should be near the top of our list of parenting mantras and commitments. Yes, we have to have to show sensitivity, grace, and deep ongoing kindness to any kid who is grappling with any kind of broken desire or sinful behavior. There is no compromising on that fact. . . none whatsoever. But let’s remember that love is not the same thing as affirmation. Love looks out for the best and it communicates truths. . . sometimes hard truths. . . which need to be heard by someone who is way off-course and lost in sin. I need it. You need it. Our kids need it. And, in the context of sensitive, grace-filled, and kind relationships, truth can and will be heard. Let’s be parents who love our kids enough to tell them the truth.
All this week we’ve been looking at the Apostle Paul’s New Testament letters and some trustworthy statements that we must know, embrace, and communicate to our kids. These are life-giving truths that must be completely accepted and believed. In Titus three eight, Paul writes, “This is a trustworthy saying, that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good.” Doing good is not only a response to the grace and mercy God has showered on us through the gift of salvation. It is also something that affects Christ’s followers in positive ways as we receive the blessing of pouring ourselves out in service to others. In addition, Paul wants us to know that good deeds attract others to the truth of the Gospel. Our witness becomes compelling to the watching world. Our kids need to know that to serve and glorify God by serving others leads to their spiritual growth and flourishing. Let’s tell the truth to our kids, so that our kids will in turn live the truth!
All this week we’re looking at the Apostle Paul’s New Testament letters and some trustworthy statements that we must know, embrace, and communicate to our kids. These are life-giving truths that must be completely accepted and believed. In Second Timothy two, verses eleven to twelve, Paul writes, “The saying is trustworthy, if we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure with him, we will also reign with him, if we deny him, he also will deny us, and if we are faithless, he remains faithful.” This passage affirms that one of the duties to which we are called as followers of Christ is to suffer for Christ. As Jesus said, when we follow Him we take up a cross. But the beautiful promise Paul shares is that if we endure with Christ, we will also reign with Christ. Parents, what are you doing to embrace a life of faithfulness, even in the midst of difficulties? And, are you pointing your kids to a life where out of gratitude to God for his grace, they are willing to endure difficulty?
All this week we’re looking at the Apostle Paul’s New Testament letters and some trustworthy statements that we must know, embrace, and communicate to our kids. These are life-giving truths that must be completely accepted and believed. In I Timothy 4, verses eight and nine, we read this: “”Godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance.” Our kids need to know that there is a double blessing that comes when we place our faith in Jesus Christ and live to his glory. Charles Spurgeon calls these the blessings of earthly and heavenly springs, or of time and eternity. Paul is talking here about engaging spiritual exercise, the benefits of which are showered on us both in the present and the future. Teach your kids to study, understand, and apply the truths of the Scriptures to their everyday living. Lead your kids to embrace that which is trustworthy.
All this week we’re looking at the Apostle Paul’s New Testament letters and some trustworthy statements that we must know, embrace, and communicate to our kids. These are life-giving truths that must be completely accepted and believed. In First Timothy 1:15 Paul writes, “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.” In world where a culture of marketing offers all kinds of false redeemers, our kids need to learn that the hole in their souls is God-shaped. Consequently, it can only be filled by God through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Material possessions, social status, and personal achievements can never fill us, save us, or make us whole. Our kids need to learn that when they make idols of these things, the end result is only increased emptiness. Their yearning is ultimately for a restored relationship with God, through faith in Jesus Christ. Are you leading your kids to live out that which is true and trustworthy?
Living in a world where information comes at us at breakneck speed makes it almost impossible to know what to believe and what not to believe. This has been pounded home to us over the course of the last several months as we continually hear about fake news. As parents and youth workers, we teach our kids how to discern what is true from what is false. We must also communicate the truths of God’s Word in ways that help them to walk the narrow road that leaves to life, while avoiding the wide road that leads to destruction. The Apostle Paul uses the word “trustworthy” several times in his New Testament letters. In each case, his use of the word is in reference to a saying that is true, and that is to be completely accepted and believed. Are you searching the Scriptures in order to know the truth that is not only to be accepted and believed, but that gives life? Then, are you sharing that with your kids? For the rest of the week, we’ll be looking at several of Paul’s trustworthy sayings.
One of the best lessons I learned from my parents is that there is more to life than sitting around and doing nothing. My parents were available to us on those quiet evenings when it would have been easy to plop down in front of the tube. But they always had something fun to do. We would play board games or cards, wrestle or box with my dad, build models, work in the basement woodshop, etc. Sure we watched TV, listened to the radio, and played records. But those voices were tempered by the involvement of our parents in our lives. We even learned to enjoy listening to our parents; there was good communication taking place. Because I had such fun-loving parents most of the neighborhood kids wanted to spend time at my house. In today’s world, the two greatest distractions to family time and fun are first, a full schedule of organized activities, and second, everyone keeping their faces buried in their phones. Make an effort to connect by disconnecting from the distractions.
In his daily devotional book on wisdom from the book of Proverbs, Tim Keller has several entries helping us understand and apply Proverbs to matters of human sexuality. Keller tells us that in today’s world, we’ve trained ourselves to take physical pleasure without the full personal commitment of marriage, ultimately separating body and soul. Sex becomes a sloppy physical encounter from which we walk away wiping our mouths. So, how should we think, teach, and practice regarding sex? Keller writes: “Sex should instead be a way to both display and deepen full trust. It is a radical, unconditional, deeply personal means of self-donation. It is God’s created way to say to someone else, ‘I belong wholly and exclusively to you.’ If you use it to say that and mean that, as times goes on it will enable spouses to indeed become more indissolubly one and each other’s. If you don’t use it like that, you’ve turned it into groceries. It will be routine, then boring. There will be no wonder left.”
Here at CPYU we are always telling parents that there are three essential elements to a healthy, biblically-based response to an alarming youth culture trend. First, when we realize that something is trending, we are to exercise a prophetic influence by speaking Scripture related to the trend into our teen’s life. Second, we are to exert a preventive influence by establishing borders and boundaries designed to protect our kids from harming themselves while providing for their well-being. And finally, when our kids fall prey to the trends and enter into making poor decisions that lead to bad habits and sinful behavior, we must do all that we can to help them experience recovery from the consequences of their choices while moving them to a place of repentance and restoration as they own their mistakes and experience grace. This is the redemptive influence we are called to have. Parents, fulfill your responsibility to parent well with a balance of the prophetic, preventive, and the redemptive.
The latest research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention regarding our kids and suicides are quite alarming. With mental health issues like anxiety and depression on the rise among our kids, it should come as no surprise that more and more kids are opting to choose the darkness of self-inflicted death, over a life which to them seems inescapably darker. Since the start of the covid pandemic in 2020, the suicide rate by firearm among children and teens ages one to eighteen had risen by eleven percent. Parents, we need to teach our kids that on several occasions Jesus told his followers they could expect pain and persecution. The Psalms are full of the moans and laments of human suffering and emotional misery. But all of God’s Word points to the fact that God does not leave us alone in times of trouble. In Psalm forty-six one we read these words of truth and comfort: “God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble.” Teach your kids to lean into the hope of the Gospel.
Parents, are you familiar with the term financial sextortion? If not, you need to not only become aware, but to warn your teens about the growing number of instances of financial sextortion. Here’s how it works. Your teen is spending time with someone else on a social media platform when that person sends a message asking the teen to snap a picture of himself or herself naked while also showing their face in the picture. All along, the teen has been thinking that they’ve been talking and flirting with a peer, usually of the opposite sex. Your teen snaps the photo and sends it, just as they were asked to do. Suddenly, the other person, who many times had been chatting it up for days and even weeks, demands money be electronically transferred, or else they will make the photo go public to family and friends. Officials at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children say that financial sextortion has exploded in recent years. Parents, sexting of any type is wrong and dangerous.
In today’s world, one of the ways in which we divide people into groups and rate their value is according to their jobs. Parents, we have to teach our kids something different. I love these words of truth from Abraham Kuyper: "Preachers and plumbers aren't any different. What God requires of them each is the same: not a dime's less than everything. Missionaries are no more holy than factory workers or soccer players or the unemployed. Life, lived near unto God, is holy service. . . Whether you do art, bus tables, lay concrete, clean toilets, bring up kids, care for the elderly, perform brain surgery, pump gas, clean teeth, play football, or shine shoes - no matter what you do - do it to his honor and glory. After all, our life is a whole, the component parts of which - play, duty, leisure - must be wrapped in our love like a present, then laid at the feet of our God." Parents, God has gifted your children in unique ways. Teach them to live into their gifts, that all work matters to God, and all work brings him glory!
The Bible speaks from beginning to end about the presence and benefits of suffering. James tells us that we’re to “consider it all joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance,” which then leads to maturity. The teenage years bring difficulty for both teenagers and their parents. As a result, we can experience the joy of going deeper with God and depending on him during the challenges of adolescence. We’ve learned that the harder the difficulty, the deeper God is taking us. He wants us at the place where we drop our arms to our sides, look to him in desperation, and then confess, “Ok Lord, I’ve got nothing.” Suffering is a process God uses to refine us and our kids into His image and likeness. If we had to do it all over again as parents, would we change the circumstances that led us to suffering and helplessness? Absolutely not! It’s been a gift that’s taken us deeper in our dependence on Him.
Today I want to speak to the mothers who are listening. If you know anything at all about today’s youth culture, you are aware that your daughters are facing tremendous body image pressure. As a result, all kinds of disordered eating have reached epidemic proportions among children and teens. If you’ve watched television, been on social media, or seen magazine covers you have a pretty good idea where much of this body image pressure comes from. But what many moms forget is that they can be a source of body image pressure as well. Every mother out there has been hammered by the body image pressure present in our culture. Consequently, your own words and example can actually fuel the same pressures in your daughters. In fact, experts at the Mayo Clinic say that Moms are probably the most important influence on a daughter’s body image. Mom, where do you find your identity? By finding your identity in Christ, you will help your kids to do the same.
There’s something about just hearing the word pedophile that makes the hair stand up on the back of our necks. We wonder how there can be people out there who actually take the time to carefully approach and groom kids into situations where they sexually assault and exploit innocent and unsuspecting children. The folks at Defend Young Minds are now warning parents to be aware of the many places and ways that predators engage our kids in the world of gaming apps. Specifically, these predators are using the chat features in a variety of games, including Roblox, Minecraft, and Fortnite, which are all games played by a younger crowd. After the initial grooming takes place, the predators then move the conversations to different messaging apps, thereby keeping parents out of the loop. Parents, you need to know that where kids play, predators are playing as well. Talk to your kids about the dangers, monitor their online time, and be sure to use parental controls.
The father of a young fourteen-year-old girl in Spain was recently quoted in a news report as saying this: “Today a smartphone can be considered as a weapon. . . a weapon with a real potential of destruction, and I don’t want it to happen again.” What was this father talking about? He was the father of one of the over thirty twelve to fourteen year old girls in a town in spain who were victimized by a group of male minors who used an artificial intelligence app to remove clothing from the girls in photos. The app, called Nudify, is one of a growing number of phone apps that uses AI to change a photo into a nude one. These fake nudes are then distributed through social media, leading to what’s rightly being called the direct exploitation and abuse of women and girls. In some cases, the photos are used for extortion purposes to get money from the victims at the threat of posting or sharing the photo online. Parents, teach your kids that exploitation of this or any type, is sinful and wrong.
I recently read Miriam Grossman’s new book, Lost In Trans-Nation: A Child Psychiatrist’s Guide Out of the Madness. At the beginning of the book she writes a few paragraphs in a section called “A Note on Language.” She includes this: “We face crusade, a juggernaut, that seeks to demolish male and female, and its success hinges on the control of language. Under those circumstances, to call a man ‘she’ is not a kindness, it’s a concession – to a scheme to control our belief and advance an agenda, one pronoun at a time. In this book, I emphasize that male and female, after being established at conception, are permanent. I urge parents to be honest and consistent with their children, and to at all times stay grounded in biological reality. I have always done that in my office, and I’m not going to stop now. . . Finally, with each pronoun capitulation. . . I will have fostered his delusion, perhaps moving him further along a dangerous path. . . all because of words and ‘kindness.'” Well said, Miriam Grossman.
One of my sons is a high school physical education teacher. I recently asked him about his experiences with students and discipline over the course of the first couple of months of this school year. He reported that the students have been quite easy to handle with the exception of one particular issue: vaping in the bathrooms. The latest research says that over two-and a half million youth here in the United States are currently vaping. One fifteen year old student from New Jersey recently told Yahoo life, “You walk into the bathroom and it smells like fruit and people are passing around a vape and asking people who look chill if they want a hit. Some sit on the floor, but most go into the stalls with their friends. Everyone does it.” Another student describes his bathrooms as being nothing but a cloud of fog in there. Parents, we need to prepare our kids to steward their God-given bodies. Warn them about the addictive nature of vaping and the associated health risks.
One of the ways that we can stay up to date on the rapid changes in today’s culture is to pay attention to the dictionary. You see, new words are added and words deemed outdated are removed on a regular basis thanks to how our culture is morphing and changing. For example, the folks at dictionary.com told us a few months ago that their latest revisions included three hundred and thirteen new dictionary entries, one hundred and thirty new definitions, and one thousand one hundred and forty revised definitions. One sphere of life that’s always adding and changing words is the sphere of our understanding of sex and gender. One new word added this year is abrosexual. The prefix abro comes from a Greek word meaning graceful, delicate, and pretty. The dictionary defines this adjective as noting or relating to a person whose sexual orientation is fluid or fluctuating over time. Parents, this reflects how culture is defining sexuality. We must lean into God’s unchanging Word to define our sexuality.
If it hasn’t yet happened somewhere near where you live, it most likely will at some point in the future. What I’m talking about is the debate over who gets to use what bathroom in your local public school. Thanks to activists and the spread of the transgender ideology, more and more school boards are facing the pressure to allow students to use the bathroom they believe corresponds to their felt gender identity, rather than the bathroom that reflects their anatomical makeup and biological sex. Here in Pennsylvania, one high profile case is that in the Perkiomen Valley school district in suburban Philadelphia. In September, the Perkiomen Valley school board shot down a policy that would require students to use the bathroom that corresponds to their biological sex. One month later, the school board reversed their decision. The reversal came after four hundred high school students staged a walkout in support of protecting women and girls. Sometimes it takes kids to show us what’s right.
Over the years, teen culture has seen many slang terms come and go as negative references to girls who it is assumed promiscuously sleep around. Now, there’s a new derogatory term that’s being used to bully and shame someone for engaging in allegedly promiscuous behavior. The term is “lala-bop”. It originated in a 2021 sexually explicit song from rapper Almighty Rexxo. Social media bullies will use the term on TikTok and X as a way to label and demean girls, accusing them of sleeping around and being passed from guy to guy. The trend has become so common that schools are now taking steps to inform parents of the trend. In years past this trend has also been termed “slut-shaming.” We all know that our girls can be especially unkind to each other, especially during the middle school years. We would do well to warn our kids that this is not a behavior they should engage in, nor should they bully others. Instead, they are to treat each other with Christ-like kindness.
A researcher from Baylor University reminds us just how important sleep is for our developing children and teens. Dr. Sonal Malhotra, professor of Pediatrics who works in sleep medicine at Texas Children’s Hospital says this: “A good sleep schedule is one that has good quality, quantity, and consistency. At this age, kids are trying to learn as much as they can while doing extracurriculars and being social, so their sleep time is important for their bodies to relax and reset from the day.” Dr. Malholtra not only reminds us that teens need eight to ten hours of uninterrupted sleep during the night, but that they should avoid any caffeine consumption or screen time before bed. They need time to wind down. Parents, God has made us for a rhythm of work and rest. Too much busyness at the expense of rest compromises our physical, mental, relational, and spiritual health. Take stock of how much sleep your child is getting, and where changes need to be made, make them!
I recently ran across the transcript from an interview I conducted fifteen years ago with theologian and author, David Wells. My last question to Dr Wells was this: If you were to address a room full of youth workers and you had the opportunity to communicate one message to them, what one message would you communicate? Here’s his answer, and it applies to parents as well: It is time to get brave. Let’s stop the pandering. Kids see right through it. Let’s give them the real thing. They are looking for it. No one has demanded anything of them; let us tell them that if they come to Christ, he bids them die. No one has told them that they can know truth as something other than their own private perspectives; let us tell them there is Truth and those who know it, lose their lives. No one has told them that there is a different way of life. If we tell them that they can have Christ on their own terms, we are selling them down the river. They instinctively know that. So, let us not make fools of ourselves anymore.
Christopher Yuan has struggled with same-sex attraction his entire life. His story is one of God’s life-changing grace and redemption, as the Lord brought him out of being fully entrenched in the homosexual lifestyle and to himself. In his book, Holy Sexuality and the Gospel: Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God’s Grand Story, Christopher talks about what happened to him as he began to understand who he really was as a follower of Jesus Christ. He writes, “I read the bible more and more. As I did, I realized I’d placed my identity in the wrong thing. The culture tells those of us who are same-sex attracted that our sexuality is at the core of who we are. But God’s Word paints quite a different picture. Genesis 1:27 informs us that we are all created in the image of God. The apostle Paul says that in Christ “we live and move and have our being.” Thus, my identity is not gay, ex-gay, or even straight. My true identity is in Jesus Christ alone. This is a message of truth we all need to embrace.
In today’s world, our kids are encouraged by the cultural narrative to live their lives at the level of their experiences and feelings. If a decision needs to be made or a belief is embraced, those decisions and beliefs should be based solely not on some outside authority, but on the authority of one’s own opinions. For the Christian, the only trustworthy authority is God’s unchanging Word. In his second letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul reminds timothy to embrace the Scriptures, which are able to make us wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.” Paul continues, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Paul is telling all of us to submit our beliefs and behaviors to trustworthy authority of God’s Word. The late James Montgomery Boice says this: “We must evaluate our experiences by the Bible’s teaching, rather than the other way around.”
Have you ever read a line or two in a book that forced you to stop in your tracks and pause to reflect on the power and truth of the words you just read? I was recently reading Rico Tice’s book, “Faithful Leaders and the things that matter most.” It’s a book about growing in faith as we develop the kind of leadership skills that will benefit those we lead, including our children and teens. Tice tells the story of chatting with a woman after a funeral at which an older lady asked him, “Rico, do you know what failure is?” “No – tell me” he answered. Tice says that what she said next has stuck with him forever. “Failure is being successful at the things that don’t matter.” Parents, our culture is spinning a narrative about success that is enticing, seductive, and compelling to all of us, parents and kids alike. I want to encourage you to evaluate everything you see and hear in today’s culture under the truth-filled light of God’s Word. It is there and only there where we will understand what really matters.
I once thought I knew quite a bit about raising kids. Then I had them. . . and the older they grew, the less I realized I knew. You know what else I learned? That the place where God wants us is in total dependence on Him. That’s the place where we need to pray for answers – answers to our questions about raising and relating to our teenagers. Paul’s words in Philippians four-six have become more and more real to me through the times of struggle I’ve faced as a parent: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6). Prayer is a wonderful gift God has given to us as we learn to depend on Him and His power to keep us on track as dads and moms. And when we pray, we don’t change God or His mind. Rather, the beauty of prayer is the changes it brings in us. Yes, prayer does change things. And by God’s design and for our benefit, we are the things that prayer changes!
“What were we thinking?!?” I’ve heard more and more parents ask that question as they look back on their willingness to get their child a smartphone. Parents are increasingly coming to understand that even though smartphones are a helpful tool, too much technology too soon can undermine the mental, spiritual, physical, and relational growth and development of our kids. Researchers continue to study the dangers of smartphone use among our kids. Parents, we need to pay attention to what’s being discovered. Canadian researchers have recently confirmed the link between screen time use and anxiety and depression in kids. But here’s what’s really important for us to hear: Researchers found that parent stress is a key predictor of screen time. In other words, we try to manage our parenting stress by putting phones in our kids hands. We need to manage our stress in more God-honoring ways. Let’s put ourselves in God’s hands when we are stressed, rather than putting phones into our kids hands.
I will never forget the overwhelming wonder and amazing joy I felt when my first child was born. I said to God in gratitude, “I’m not worthy! What did I do to deserve this?” Shortly thereafter, our first child became a teenager. During my weaker moments, the challenges, confrontations, and difficulties that come with parenting sometimes left me asking God, “What have I done to deserve this?” Then I was reminded of Solomon’s wise and truthful words in Psalm one hundred twenty seven: “Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? The fruit of his womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!” Parents, whether God graces you with easy parenting times or strengthens you during difficult parenting times, those children God gave you as gifts on the day they were born are still God’s gifts. Treasure the gift of your teenage children!
Sometimes some research comes along that confirms what we already know just from intuition. But we need to listen to that research as it reminds us of things that should be getting our attention. A new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that chaotic home environments have a negative influence on family communication, specifically leading to reduced conversations and sharing between teenagers and their mothers. A chaotic home is one that breeds the kinds of unpredictability and tension that leads kids to clam up and avoid conversations. Parents, the responsibility to maintain peace in our homes falls on us. We need to eat together, engage in fun activities together, attend worship together, and pray together as we nurture our children in the faith. Our prayers must echo the words of this benediction: the Lord make his face to shine upon us, and be gracious to us. The Lord lift up His countenance upon us, and give us peace, this day and forever more.
Statistics tell us that each and every day here in the United States, around sixteen hundred children and teens under the age of eighteen try their first cigarette. Statistics also tell us that each and every year, almost half a million Americans die prematurely as a result of health conditions related to smoking, or from exposure to second-hand smoke. This is why we need to be engaged in ongoing efforts to help kids steward their God-given bodies by avoiding smoking of any type. British researchers are now pointing to new findings that teens who had started smoking by fourteen years of age had significantly less grey matter in the section of the brain known as the left frontal lobe, which is the part of the brain linked to impulse control, decision making, and rule breaking. Parents, God has given us the responsibility to raise our kids in ways that lead to a physically healthy adulthood. Yes, they will make their own decisions, but we need to educate them from a young age regarding smoking’s dangers.
One of the questions I field from frustrated youth workers just about everywhere I go is this: How can I get parents to sit up and take notice of the many dangerous cultural trends influencing their children and teens today? They just don’t seem to care. They know these things are out there, but they believe that these things just won’t ever effect their kids. Truth be told, I share the frustration of these youth workers. I tell them that I typically find that parents sit up and take notice after something negative happens to their kids and they find themselves in crisis. It’s then that I hear parents ask, “Why didn’t we see this coming?” while saying “I didn’t think this would ever happen to us.” Parents, take note of what’s happening the world in terms of the pressures, challenges, and choices your kids are facing. Exercise prevention rather than ignorance. And heed the words of Proverbs 22:3: the prudent sees dangers and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.
I was recently reading what the book of Proverbs says about those of us who are older, and those of us who are younger. Proverbs sixteen thirty-one says, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.” Proverbs 20:29 tells us that “the glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.” I love how Tim Keller helps us understand the truths contained in these verses. He writes, “We live in a culture that idolizes the beauty, energy, and creativity of youth. Proverbs, however, takes a remarkably balanced view of the unique splendor and glory of every age and stage of human life. The young have a strength and an unwearied ambition that older people cannot muster. The old have a perspective, wisdom, and dignity that younger people have not yet to acquire.” What a beautiful thing it is that God’s counter-cultural order and design encourages and allows us to benefit from those who are different. Let’s work together to love and serve the Lord.
At one time or another, all of us were teenagers. And regardless of what generation you are from and when you went through your teenage years, you experienced having to navigate the developmental task of forming your identity. It’s during the teenage years that the search for the answer to the question “Who am I?” reaches it’s peak. In today’s social media saturated world in which our kids are encouraged to create your own authentic self, Identity is not longer seen as something we receive from outside of ourselves, but something which we choose and create for ourselves. In fact, in today’s world, our kids are always becoming rather than being. They are on a never-ending search for their true selves. This is evidenced in big ways in the way that kids are choosing rather than accepting their gender. What our kids need to know is that they have been created by God in the image of God, and when they are in Christ they are sons and daughters of God. That is where we are to find our identity.
Journalist and mother Jennifer Wallace recently released a book looking at the roots and effects of putting pressure on kids for high academic achievement. Specifically, she was pushing back on the pressure kids face to engage in what’s been called “grind culture: where kids have to grind it out academically in the hope that they would get into the most respected and high quality institutions of higher education. Her book is titled “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic, And What We Can Do About It.” Parents who give in to this pressure may push their kids into the twenty-five percent who believe that they are looked upon fondly by their parents more for what they do and how they perform, rather than for who they are. This is not the way it’s supposed to be. Parents, we are to love our kids for who God has made them to be. Love based on performance undermines their well-being. When it comes to academics, expect them to do their best, and celebrate with them when that happens.
The National Kidney Foundation reports that about ten percent of people in the united states will have to deal with a kidney stone at some point during their lives. While I’ve been spared the agony myself, some of you have firsthand knowledge of just how painful a kidney stone can be. The data suggests that kidney stones are most common among middle-aged, Caucasian men. But doctors are now reporting that they’re seeing a marked increase in kidney stones among teenagers, especially among our teenaged girls. While researchers are still trying to figure out what’s causing this, they are speculating that it’s a combination of diets high in ultra-processed foods, the increased use of antibiotics early in life, and dehydration. Some hospitals are even opening pediatric stone clinics to deal with this issue. Parents, since we have given the responsibility by God to serve as stewards of our children’s health, make sure your kids are drinking enough water, and eating foods that are healthy.
One of our Research Fellows here at CPYU, Dr. Jason Engle, wrote one of our CPYU Parent Prompts on youth sports and church participation. Jason tells us that for families with young athletes, the pressure to participate in travel and club teams continues to intensify, with parents having to make difficult decisions about whether or not their child will participate on a Sunday morning. Jason offers this advice regarding how youth sports can become an idol: Jesus teaches that, “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”. Jesus alone stands as the only worthy object of what our hearts look to as supreme treasure. This should shape the goal of every parent for the heart of their child: to know and treasure Jesus as supreme. We fall into idolatry when we instead set our hearts’ supreme affections on anything other than the One who is worthy of it. Anything that makes high demands of our calendar and our bank account can quickly pull us toward idolatry, including youth sports.
Our friends at Tim Elmore’s Growing Leaders organization recently chatted with a group of students between eighth grade and twelfth grade about their attitudes and practices regarding social media and screen time. It seems that many of the students interviewed realize that too much social media and screentime is harmful. One senior girl said this: “I was just on a trip with a group of friends, and a group of us girls sat down to make a list of the pros and cons of social media. The only pros we could think of were communication and how it helps you connect with people who you haven’t even met yet. It’s pretty convenient, but the cons way outweighed it so much. We mainly talked about how it was a waste of time and how easy it was to compare yourself to other people.” Those are some great insights. Parents, why not sit down with your kids and have them draw up a list of the pros and cons related to social media and screentime. Help them see the benefits of peeling back.
Back in February of this year, a sixteen-year-old high school junior at St. Joseph’s Catholic School in Renfrow, Ontario Canada, was suspended for voicing his concerns and moral objections to the school’s transgender bathroom policies. Josh Alexander was actually arrested and suspended for stating that he believes it is a biological fact that there are only two genders and two sexes. Josh says, “I got suspended for comments made during a class discussion. It was about male students using female washrooms, gender dysphoria, and male breastfeeding. Everyone was sharing their opinions on it, any student who wanted to was participating, including the teacher. I said there were only two genders, and you were born either male or a female and that got me into trouble. I have chosen to follow Christ, and that’s the path that I’m on right now.” Parents, we need to teach our kids God’s good design for their gender. And, they need to know that standing for truth is sometimes costly.
Those of us who live here in North America have been deeply blessed in terms of material provisions and wealth. Relative to the rest of the world’s population, we are incredibly rich. Jesus warned about the dangers of money and wealth, and these are warnings we must heed ourselves, and teach our children to heed as well. In Luke sixteen Jesus speaks these words, “No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or her will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” I recently read these helpful clarifying words of commentary on this saying of Jesus: “Sin arises not when we possess riches but only when our riches possess us. To set our hearts on wealth is to turn away from God.” Parents, we need to model and teach a proper, God-glorifying perspective on money and wealth. We must warn our kids against idolatry, and to use all they have and will be given to God’s glory.
As one who has raised kids who were involved in youth sports, who has coached youth sports, and who now has grandchildren involved in youth sports, I’ve watched the evolution of parents and their sideline behavior, including an overall decline in civility. I want to share a message shared recently by my oldest son, a high school phys ed teacher who has also coached at the high school and college levels: He says, If you are a parent of an athlete, I urge you to double-check your priorities. Your son or daughter will be a mother or father before an athlete. Your son or daughter should play the game because they love it, not because you love it. Your son or daughter is not defined by performance but by character and attitude. If you feel winning is more important than the hard work and character that is the recipe for winning, then you need to reprioritize your thinking. These are timely words! Parents, how we choose to spectate and play should be seen as an act of worship to our sovereign and holy God.
With fall’s football season in full swing everywhere from our youth fields to the professional gridiron, it’s once again time for us to pass on to you some of the latest findings from the Concussion Legacy Foundation on the effects of exposure to repeated impacts to the head. As one who loves football, I know how easy it is to ignore what’s being learned about the effects of concussions, especially if it threatens our views on the game and even our own childrens’ involvement. The latest research has found that among a sample of one hundred and fifty two young athletes exposed to repetitive head impacts who died before the age of thirty, just over forty-one percent had neuropathological evidence of Chronic Traumatic Encephelopathy, or CTE. Included in the study was the brain of Meiko Locksley, the deceased son of University of Maryland Head football coach Michael Locksley, who is warning parents to use caution and wisdom, as his son started playing tackle football at age seven.
The great eighteenth century preacher and theologian Jonathan Edwards preached a sermon way back in August of 1740 that included some words to parents, educators, and the church which ring just as true today as when he spoke them almost three hundred years ago. Edwards said this: “Children ought to love the Lord Jesus Christ above all things in the world.” Jesus said the same thing this way Mark 12:30: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Whether we are children or adults, love for God is the very thing for which we have been made. As you consider this, realize that the culture is educating your kids twenty-four seven to love and serve themselves above all else. Parents, take stock of how your example and words speak loudly to your kids about what’s most important in your life. Are you modeling the compelling lifestyle of Christian discipleship and loving Christ above all else?
As Christian parents, we must embrace the need to pray for our kids. But what should our expectations be regarding how we pray for our kids? Theologian J.G. Vos offers these helpful words: "We should expect and believe that God will answer our prayers in his own appointed time and way according to his holy will. That is, in all our praying we must be careful to maintain an attitude of submission to the sovereignty of God. We may never presume to dictate to God as to when and how our prayers are to be answered. If God in his sovereignty chooses to delay the answer to our prayers, we are not to become discouraged and give up praying; we are to exercise Christian patience, and keep on praying with 'perseverance, waiting upon him.' If God does not answer our prayers in the way we desired, we should realize that this is not an unkindness or lack of love on God's part, but because to grant our requests as we asked would not really be for God's glory and our own good."
We’re only a few weeks past the end of summer vacation, so you might find it odd that I’m already encouraging you to think about planning now to take a family vacation together next summer. This past summer our family, which now includes our children and grandchildren, celebrated our twentieth anniversary of staying year after year at the same lake cabin for a week. Everyone loved it. Teen and child psychologist Dr. Erika Velez recently posted a TikTok video encouraging parents to get their kids away on a family vacation. She said that even though kids may protest from time to time, get a bit grumpy, and cause some frustration, the evidence points to the fact that memories are being made and family bonds are being strengthened. So much so, in fact, that our kids look forward to these times away. Parents, as you fulfill your responsibility to nurture and raise your children in the Christian faith, don’t discount opportunities like family vacations as great times to make that happen!
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you are aware of how the transgender ideology has been sweeping through the medical, educational, and legislative communities. This has created a growing sense, especially among our kids, that assuming a gender identity other than your birth gender is not only an option to explore, but an admirable thing to pursue. Salvo magazine reports that the trend may be taking a turn in the right direction, citing bioethicist Wesley J. Smith’s list of four signals that the tide might be turning against the cult-like push for trans-positivity. Smith says that first, European countries are back-pedaling on policies that allow medical transitioning for kids. Second, detransitioners are now speaking up to tell their horrific stories. Third, some are now suing those who influenced and helped their transition. And fourth, states are passing laws to protect minors from predatory medical practices. Let’s educate our kids on God’s design and his good gift of gender.
Today, I want to tell you about some questionable adult behavior that is trending on social media. It seems that parents are now recording and posting videos where they break a raw egg on the forehead of their unsuspecting children. The short videos in this viral trend typically start with a older or younger child standing at the kitchen counter, either watching or helping the parent cook. As they wait to watch their parent crack an egg in a bowl, the parent turns and cracks the egg on the unsuspecting child or teen’s forehead. The recorded responses that you will find on these videos run the gamut from kids laughing, to acting surprised, to crying and becoming visually upset. This trend reveals the foolish and embarrassing lengths some parents will go to in order to gain online attention and followers. Parents, the Lord has entrusted our children to our care. Embarassing them, seeking attention, and compromising their trust in this way is simply bad parenting.
One of my recurring nightmares about high school is that I arrive to school on the first day and can’t remember or find any of the classes that I’ve been scheduled for the year. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to have that nightmare if I had had the smartphone app known as Saturn that our kids are using these days. The Saturn app’s website says that it’s now live at sixteen thousand schools. It’s a calendar app that helps kids see their schedules, telling where to be and when to be there. It also helps them connect with classmates as they share their schedules. The site says, “High School runs on Saturn.” Now, law enforcement and concerned parents are speaking up to warn others that since the Saturn app shares lots of identifying information, including the daily whereabouts of students, many as young as twelve years old, that the app could become a playground for predators and for the distribution of harmful content. As school districts now are banning the app, parents should be aware.
One measure of cultural change that’s been coming out annually since 1998 is the Beloit College Mindset List. The list tells us what has always been true or not true for incoming college freshman. Those born in 2005 comprise this year’s incoming class of 2027. For them, a cloned human being has always been a thing. The word “sexting” has always been a part of their vocabulary. Videos are not something you rent at a store. Rather, this year’s incoming class have only lived in a world where videos are something you upload to youtube. For them, HIV has always been more or less curable. Sci-Fi and Fantasy movies have always been the top-grossing film genres in a single year. And they are growing up in a world where they will always worry about getting a job in which they can be replaced by a bot. Parents, while the world is changing at breakneck speed, God’s Word remains unchanged. Help your kids see how God speaks to the pressures, issues, and changes they encounter in today’s youth culture.
Now that all of our schools are open and back in full-swing, I thought I would tell you about what researchers have heard from high school students regarding the questions they’re asking about education, work, and their futures. A survey of fourteen to eighteen year-olds conducted back in June has found that students want their kindergarten through twelfth grade education to give them more knowledge about the skills needed to help them understand what training and career options are available after graduation beyond just college. Specifically, our high school kids are asking, “Do I need a college degree?” With student loan debt rising, more and more young people are considering going into the workforce rather than heading off to college. As parents and youth workers, we need to help our kids understand their unique God-given giftedness, and encourage them into the trades as an option. All work is valuable and all work matters to God. College is not their only option.
Several weeks ago, a 14-year-old high school freshman name Connor Halsa went on a fishing trip with his family to Minnesota’s Lake of the Woods. As Connor was patiently waiting to hook a fish his line suddenly tightened up. Something was on the hook. Connor says, “I thought I had a big fish, and I set the hook really hard.” When he reeled in his line and his cousin held out the net, they were surprised to see that Connor didn’t have a Walleye on his line. Rather, he had pulled up a soggy wallet containing two thousand dollars in cash. They also found a business card inside which led them to the wallet’s owner, a farmer from Iowa named Jim Denney, who had dropped his wallet into the lake a year ago. Connor returned the wallet and it’s contents to Denney, and when offered a reward, refused it. Connor said, “We didn’t really work hard for the money. He did, so it was his money.” Connor did the right thing. We need to teach our kids that God calls us to truth-telling as the norm.
If you’ve ever had a family game night, you are most likely familiar with the game called would you rather? You might have used questions like would you rather team up with wonder woman or captain marvel, or would you rather be forced to sing along or dance along to every single song you hear? It’s a fun game where you can learn much about other family members. I recently saw a youtube video where a teen asked his peers, would you rather give up social media or eat the same meal for the rest of your life? Good question. According to recent data from the Pew Internet and Life project, fifty-four percent of our teens say it would be hard to give up social media. Less than half, forty-six percent, say it would be somewhat easy to give up social media. As researchers continue to look at the issue of smartphone and technology addictions, we would be wise to set and enforce boundaries. We don’t want social media to become an idol that supplants their love for Jesus Christ.
As a youth culture analyst there’s one question I get asked more often than any other: “What’s the greatest problem facing teenagers today?” The one-word answer is very simple: sin. It’s the same greatest problem facing people of all ages in all times and in all places. It’s the same greatest problem I face in my own life. We live in a Genesis 3:6 world. Everything God declared as “good” came undone and is in desperate need of redemption. . . . including ourselves. Each of us has exchanged “the truth of God for a lie.” In exchange, we worship and serve created things rather than the Creator”. The root of problems in our families and homes is the sinful, selfish nature of kids and adults. Yes, we must strive to raise spiritually healthy and God-honoring children. And, we must never use the universal reality of human depravity as a reason to not pursue Godliness and excellence. We must never forget that we’re all imperfect, flawed, finite beings polluted by sin, incapable of perfection, and in desperate need of a Savior.
Our friends at the Barna Institute have released a new report on members of Gen Z and spirituality that is titled “The Open Generation”. There’s some encouraging news for those who love and lead kids regarding their interest in Christianity. Listen to these words from the report: Curiosity about Jesus is widespread in the open generation. Teens in the U.S. are far more intrigued than their global peers, with 77 percent being at least somewhat motivated to keep learning about Jesus throughout their lives. A teen’s personal commitment to follow Jesus goes hand in hand with their motivation to study him—the percentage of teens who want to learn more about Jesus rises significantly among committed Christian teens. Even among teens who are non-Christians or don't know who Jesus is, however, over half are at least somewhat motivated to keep learning about him. Parents and youth workers, don’t forsake your responsibility to nurture and lead kids into spiritual maturity.
I recently read a thought-provoking quote from the eighteenth century writer Samuel Johnson. Johnson wrote, “Language is the dress of thought; every time you talk, your mind is on parade.” Immediately after reading these words I thought about what Jesus said in Matthew twelve when he was talking about how a tree is known by its fruit. Jesus said, “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” He goes on to say that good will come out of a heart that is good, and that evil comes out of a heart that is filled with evil. I have learned that I have to monitor my heart by monitoring my words. In addition, I can evaluate the spiritual health of my child’s heart by listening carefully to their words. In today’s world, it’s not just our spoken words that pull back the curtain on our hearts. What we post in social media gives insight as well. Parents, mind your own words and confess what needs to be confessed. Seek the Lord with your entire being, heart included, and lead your kids to do the same.
In our North American culture, one of the only rites of passage we have from childhood to adulthood is the day that teenager passes their driver’s test and gets their driver’s license. As parents, we take the time to ensure that our kids have learned how to drive safely and conduct themselves responsibly before we allow them to take their driver’s test, and we share numerous safe driving reminders every time they head out alone on the road as newly licensed drivers. What we have to remember is that the most impressionable and lasting drivers ed lesson they receive is our example, which they get to watch for well over ten years. What kind of driving example are you putting forth for your kids? Pastor Philip Ryken says that the most useful virtue for driving is patience. He offers this take on Ephesians 4:1-2: I urge you to drive your car worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with other motorists in love. Parents, your kids are watching you!
As Christian parents, what can we do to help our teens weather the inevitable storm of negative peer pressure in a way that brings honor and glory to their heavenly father? First, realize that negative peer pressure is a spiritual battle that all of us fight constantly. Second, pray for your kids as they face the pressure on a daily basis. Third, examine yourself to see how your example serves them as a model of how to handle negative peer pressure. Fourth, live a lifestyle of following Christ instead of the crowd. Fifth, actively help your children to realize their value and worth in God’s eyes so that they are less prone to seek the approval of others. Sixth, get your kids involved in a positive peer group where following Christ is celebrated and affirmed. And finally, help your kids understand the truth of Proverbs 13:20 – that the person who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
One of the most alarming trends in today’s youth culture is a growing sense of entitlement. It’s especially prevalent among those children and teens living on the receiving end of a silver spoon. On the other end are parents who feed their kids an endless parade of opportunities, activities, and things - all without ever having to work for any of it. These kids wind up believing that they will never have to work for anything, because, after all, they deserve it. A Harris Interactive Poll found that 90 percent of parents do think that it’s important for their children to work to pay for the things they want. But the reality is that few kids had jobs. There is a disconnect between the desired end result and what the kids are actually doing. The words of theologian John Wesley are worth teaching to our children: “Work as hard as you can, to make all the money you can, to save as much as you can in order to give away all that you can.”
Today, I want to offer a word of encouragement and perspective to the parents who may be listening. I’ve made an effort to be a good parent. I’ve made many, many mistakes. I’ve struggled from time to time with my own self-centered feelings of inadequacy, sometimes falling into the trap of worrying about what other people will think about the shortcomings in my life and the life of my kids. I’ve grappled with rebellion in my kids. I’ve known sickening dread, sleepless nights, rage, bitterness, shame, frustration, the disappointment of shattered hopes, and the battle between tenderness and contempt. If you raise a teenager and are totally spared all of these experiences, there are two things you should know. First, you are in the minority. And second, it is – like all good things in life – only by the grace of God. The reality is that it’s not easy. But we can and must approach our parenting of adolescents as a glorious God-given challenge and opportunity.
For the last forty-eight years, researchers at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan have been monitoring drug trends among teenagers, and reporting their findings annually in the Monitoring the Future Survey. The most recent survey indicates that in 2022, levels of adolescent cannabis use and nicotine vaping held steady. Among our high school seniors, thirty one percent admitted to cannabis use in the prior twelve months. Twenty seven percent of high school seniors reported vaping nicotine. Even though these numbers remained steady, they are still high and much work needs to be done. The survey reported that alcohol use was on the rise among high school seniors, with fifty two percent reporting using alcohol in the prior twelve months. Parents, our need to instill in our kids physical, moral, and spiritual boundaries related to substance abuse remains strong. What are you doing to prepare your kids worship God through healthy decision-making?
God has made us for relationships, and the primary human relationships for which we’ve been made are those with our family. It’s no secret that one of the primary trends undermining the health of our families has been the loss of a family meal time. Researchers recently listed seven benefits of eating together as a family. First, everyone has better eating habits. One reason is that eating together keeps us from a fast food diet. Second, it helps the mental health of our kids, lowering their risk of developing eating disorders, drug and alcohol use, aggressiveness, sadness, and suicidal ideation. Third, it curtails weight struggles in adulthood, by lowering the risk of obesity. Fourth, children feel supported and more secure in themselves. Fifth, table conversations improve overall communication skills. Sixth, kids develop resilience to bullying. And seventh, family closeness is built. Parents, eat together, and why not add the benefit of sitting together to read God’s Word.
A recent article in Teen Vogue’s online magazine is titled “influencer parents and the kids who had their childhood made into content.” As the title indicates, the article talks about the parents who leveraged social media by putting everything about their children’s lives online for the world to see, not just photos of childhood achievements, but all the intimate details of their lives. This includes videos of them crying, to footage of them being disciplined. All of these have been shared like a young life is some kind of reality show, and it’s all been done without the child’s permission. Now, these children are coming of age and their digital footprint is not only there, but they are lamenting and even angry over what their parents have done to invade their privacy, while trying to gain an online following for themselves. Parents, while the temptations are surely real, maintain a Christ-like humility. Neither you or your kids need to be front and center on social media. Just endeavor to parent well.
With the use of cannabis on the rise and increasingly accepted in our culture, it’s important that we reckon with the fact that its use does have an effect on one’s cognitive and psychological processing. A variety of recent studies found that in relation to cognitive processes, cannabis users showed significantly lower performance on memory tests than those who are non-users or occasional users. These results were consistent, even when the subject being tested was clean on the day of testing. Users were also reported to have a tendency to engage in making riskier decisions, with this tendency even being evident in mild users of cannabis. Other effects of cannabis use include a greater incidence of psychotic episodes, an inability to feel pleasure, and schizophrenia. Cannabis use does have an effect on the brain’s chemistry and circuitry. Parents, if your kids are using cannabis, get them the help they need. And point them to the freedom that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
The word pornography is rooted in the Greek word porneia, which means to practice prostitution, sexual immorality, or fornication. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul frequently used this word in reference to any kind of sinful and illegitimate sexual activity. Our friends at the HarvestUSA ministry offer this helpful definition of pornography that’s written from a biblical perspective: Pornography is anything that the heart uses to find sexual expression outside of God’s intended design for relational intimacy. It is anything that tempts or corrupts the human heart into desiring sexual pleasure in sinful ways. Parents, we need to teach our kids that God has made sex for our good and his glory, but that we can only experience it in these ways when we stay within his purpose and his plan. Paul tells us that we are to flee from sexual immorality, or porneia. Talk to your kids about pornography, along with the dangers that come with indulging our good gift of sexuality in sinful ways.
The Westminster Shorter Catechism asks this question: “What is the chief end of man?” The answer: “To glorify God and enjoy Him forever!” The Gospel is about God in His mercy and grace doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Jesus came to rescue us from all of our sin, brokenness, and disordered desires. The Gospel creates an entirely new view of self that is not based on competing with and comparing ourselves to others. Rather, it is about salvation by grace that allows us to find our sense of worth in who we are in and through Jesus Christ. In the Gospel we find the freedom to stop indulging in practicing glory seeking for ourselves. Ultimately, vainglory is a path of destruction just it was for our first parents in Genesis 3. In their desire to “become like God,” they cut themselves off from God. Thank God that He has given us a way out of our self-serving bondage through Jesus Christ. In grateful response to God’s grace, we are to live to His glory and His glory alone.
Many members of Generation Z are either delaying getting their driver’s license, or not getting a driver’s license at all. Generation Z includes all those born between 1997 and 2012. When most of us think back to our own teenage years, we couldn’t wait to get our driver’s license, as it represented a move from dependence to independence, and it served as a marker that we were moving closer to adulthood. But things have changed. In 1997, forty-three percent of sixteen-year-olds and sixty-two percent of seventeen year-olds had driver’s licenses. In 2020 those numbers had fallen to twenty-five percent and forty-five percent. Why is this happening? Kids are concerned about the higher cost of driving, and driving’s impact on the environment. Ride-sharing, e-scooters, and e-bikes are transportation alternatives. But there’s one additional reason kids are choosing not to drive: fear and anxiety. This reminds us of our need to address anxiety through the peace, presence, and promises of Jesus Christ.
Parents, we can’t buy into the widespread cultural cynicism regarding children and teenagers as difficulties or burdens. The psalmist writes, “Don’t you see that kids are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the kids of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of kids.” Children are not liabilities; they’re rewards from God, given to us as a sign of God’s favor. God values them highly and so must we. Because it’s so easy for us as adults to fall prey to the selfish pressures and expectations of life in today’s world, we can just as easily see our children and teens as inconveniences and nuisances that suck the life out of us, keeping us from doing the things we want to do and from realizing what we think is our full potential. How selfish are we?!? When you face difficult times with your kids – and you will – always remember that the children God gave you as gifts remain gifts. . . even during the teenage years.
Anorexia Nervosa is a medical term which means “nervous loss of appetite.” In recent years, anorexia has been on the rise, fueled in many ways by society’s pressure to be thin and to be perfect, an ever present reality thanks to both social media and marketing. While anorexia is more prevalent in our girls, a growing number of males are struggling with it as a result of body image concerns. It’s usually reported that ten percent of anorexics are males. A recent study in Australia found that about thirteen percent of adolescent males struggle with some kind of eating disorder. For males, the concern that most often drives them into body dysmorphia is a perceived lack of muscle. Here in the U.S., it was found that about thirty percent of adolescent boys attempt to gain weight and increase muscle mass. Parents, we need to counter the culture’s influence by constantly reminding our kids that God is most concerned with our hearts.
What is your greatest desire for your children? Most parents summarize their desire with the word “success.” But what is success? For many, it’s a secure job, the accumulation of things, and personal safety. But the Jesus who calls us to “take up your cross and follow me” defines success differently. When asked by the teacher of the law about which commandment is most important, Jesus defined success. He said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” and “love your neighbor as yourself.” True success in life is faithfulness to God and obedience to his commands. Our desire for our kids should be that they become like Christ in all things. We must know the truth as it’s contained in God’s Word, talk about it, live it, model it, experience it, and prayerfully trust God to change our kid’s hearts and minds.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to offer a strategy you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today’s culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o’er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan’s thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o’er all forever reigns!”
Everyone who has ever walked the face of the earth has been made by God for a relationship with God. Because our rebellion and sin has severed that relationship, there remains a deep yearning inside each human being to have that relationship restored. Whether our teenagers know what to call it or not, Blaise Pascal described this universal hole in the soul as a god-shaped vacume. Alistar McGrath describes Pascal’s model as “a God-shaped emptiness within us, which only God can fill. We may try to fill it in other ways and with other things. Yet one of the few certainties of life is that nothing in this world satisfies our longing for something that is ultimately beyond this world.” While it may at times seem like it isn’t so, your teenager is no different than anyone else. His great need is to have this God-shaped emptiness filled by God. Even when they don’t recognize it as such, we can rest in the assurance that their hunger is for heaven, and our calling is to point them to the Cross.
At creation, God instituted the family to be the place where all human beings are born, nurtured, loved, and brought to physical, emotional, and spiritual maturity. In God’s good order and design, children will flourish best in a loving home where there is a father married to a mother. In the world of family research, this is known as an intact family. Recently, the Institute for Family Studies released a report regarding the differences in educational achievement between children from intact homes and those from non-intact homes. Researchers found that students from non-intact families have three-times the risk of suspension and double the risk of being held back a grade as those from married, biological families. This does not mean that students from non-traditional families cannot do well in school. But we are reminded that pursuing and living into God’s good design for marriage and family yields good things. Parents, commit yourself to your marriage, as the vows say, for better or for worse.
Your children and teens are most likely not going to like what I have to share with you today. It has to do with the proper age to put a smartphone in a child’s hands. Chances are, if your child or teen doesn’t have their own smartphone, they’re telling you that they are the last person in their school or perhaps even on the face of the earth to be living phone-less. For starters, that’s not true. In addition, our parental decision-making should not hinge on what everyone else is doing, but what it is that is wise. Let me pass on to you the recommendation of the researchers at the Institute for Family Studies: Delay giving your child a smartphone for as long as possible, until age sixteen or eighteen. Children having their own portable internet-enabled device makes it much easier to obtain social media accounts without permission, access harmful information online, and communicate with unknown adults. If you want to be able to contact your child, give them a cell phone without internet access.
It’s very easy to get swept up into the spirit of the times. Because we live in the midst of culture, we can easily live into the values of that culture without taking the time to consider whether those values are good values, or bad values. One aspect of the spirit of our current times is what has been called safetyism. The term was first coined by writers Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff in their book, The Coddling of the American Mind. They use the term to describe a belief system in which safety has become a sacred value. We tend to avoid any risk or danger, whether emotional or physical. Safety is a good thing, but when we shield our kids from any kind of difficult circumstance, we undermine their ability to develop the kind of positive resiliency that grows through experiencing healthy stress. Parents, lets help our kids become strong by allowing them to experience the kind of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges that allow them to flourish both now and into adulthood.
Today, I want to share some words from Rick Reed in his Salvo Magazine article on the word Pride. Reed writes, “Until 1970, the former understanding of pride as one of the seven deadly sins was regarded as a foundational moral truth. With the advent of gay pride, the word assumed a positive connotation. The semantic shift facilitated a cultural shift from moral authority to individual preference. What right reason calls sin, individual preference now celebrates with ostentation and vainglorious ornamentation. The new use of the word has become a tool for canceling centuries of moral and cultural disapproval. Reed continues, The shift paved the way for overturning long-standing law, the established and biblically founded definition of marriage, and even the definition of what a women is. Once the principal cardinal sin, pride now denies the very existence of sin, other than resistance to its prideful demands. Parents, we need to lead our kids into establishing deep roots in the Gospel.
It is a bad thing when we get swept up in the current of what the Apostle Paul calls “the course of this world”, leaving our minds and the ability to discern between truth and lies at the door. Rather than seeking to evaluate everything under the microscope of Biblical truth, we simply choose to believe and embrace the “truth” we like in the moment, and jettison that which we choose not to believe. It was over 25 years ago that social critic Gene Veith wrote these words that so accurately foresaw our situation today: “With no absolute canons of objective truth, the rational is replaced by the aesthetic. We believe what we like.” As Christians, we should know and do better. The Psalmist says of Scripture, “The sum of your word is truth” . On the night before his death, Jesus prayed these words for his followers: “Sanctify them in the truth; you word is truth”. Teach your kids the truths of God’s word, and to look for truth where it can be found, that is, in the Bible.
Why is it that so many of us feel like failures when we or our children make a mistake? My guess is that we are disappointed because we expect ourselves and our kids to be perfect – a very unrealistic expectation. But our gnawing sense of imperfection should not keep us from being good parents. Realistic parents pave the way for family closeness and build their children up by parenting with grace. They aren’t paralyzed by feelings of fear and inadequacy when they make mistakes. They know that God uses imperfect people to carry out his plan, and he will use them as they raise their children in spite of their imperfections. When I look in the mirror, I see inconsistency. When I look inside myself I face the dark reality of my sinful nature. When I look at my kids, I see the same. Parents, in the midst of your teen’s imperfection, are you showing him God’s grace?
Parents, what sexual script are your kids following as they learn how to live out matters of sex and gender? You see, whoever speaks first to a child on these matters sets the bar for truth. When we teach God’s good order and design for sex and gender, our kids will be better equipped to discern the errors of the cultural narrative. Not surprisingly, many of our kids are learning about sex and gender through their smartphone screens. An new study from the University of Georgia questioned students ages twelve to seventeen, and found that about fifteen percent had sent a sext to someone, and about twenty five percent had received a sext. About fifty percent of those surveyed indicated they had been exposed to pornography, the first time, on average, during sixth grade. Parents, its not a matter of if, but when. Because we want our kids to know and live the truth on sex and gender, we need to have ongoing conversations with our kids about biblical sexuality. Remember, the culture is speaking to them 24/7.
Elle Mills is a twenty-four year old who became a YouTube celebrity when she was only twelve-years-old. Over time, she had one-point-seven-million subscribers, one-point-eight-million total followers, and one-hundred-and-fifty-five million views. But after twelve years of being validated through the addicting high of gaining the numbers, she shut it all down because of the hard-hitting reality of the lows. In a recent New York Times op-ed piece, Mills sends out a warning to parents and young youtube celebrity wannabes about the addicting nature of seeking and getting attention. She writes, “The peak of my YouTube career didn’t always match my childhood fantasy of what this sort of fame might look like. Instead, I was constantly terrified of losing my audience and the validation that came with it. My self-worth had become so intertwined with my career that maintaining it genuinely felt life-or-death.” Parents, point your kids to glorifying God rather than themselves.
The Bible tells us about the way things in our world should be. As Christian parents raising teens trying to find their way through a world that’s broken and terribly mixed-up, we are given a responsibility to help them wade through the muck that is, by leading them into an understanding of the way things should be. In Old Testament times, God raised up prophets who were called to do just that. In today’s world, God has given our kids parents who should be doing that job. But how are we to speak prophetically into our kids’ lives? In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gives a great example. He used “You have heard it was said. . . but I tell you” statements. Jesus used this simple little formula as a way to issue a corrective to the faulty cultural messages people had heard, believed, and followed. Jesus confronted and exposed the cultural “you have heards” with his Word-centered “I tell yous.” Shed the light of God’s life-giving truth on cultural lies for your kids.
I love digging deep into church history to uncover parenting advice that has not only stood the test of time, but which might be even more necessary and true than it was when it was first given. I recently ran across a quote from John Chrysostom, an early church father who lived from 347 until 407. Listen carefully to these words from Chrysostom: “As he who but partially pares away the image on a royal coin renders the whole spurious, so he who swerves ever so little from the pure faith, soon proceeds from this to graver errors, and he becomes entirely corrupted.” If we connect what Chrysostom says with parenting, we are reminded that as Christian parents we must remain faithful to God’s Word in everything, teaching our kids the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Parents, we need to heed the words of Proverbs 30:5 and 6: Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar.
I recently read about a group that is working to address a growing issue facing families and schools. The organization is called the School Avoidance Alliance and it exists to address the issue of school avoidance, which is when a child refuses to attend school or has difficulty remaining in school the entire day. The alliance tells us that child motivated refusal to attend school or remain in class is not uncommon. In fact, school avoidance affects anywhere from five to twenty-eight percent of youth at some time. The listed causes include phobias, anxiety disorders of all types, ptsd, learning differences, bullying, and mental health issues. Because school avoidance is a sign of deeper issues, we suggest that you seek out the help of a qualified Christian counselor if school avoidance is an issue in your family. Don’t overlook the fact that Pointing school avoidant kids to reassuring Scriptures about God’s provision and protection is one necessary intervention strategy.
The late Dr. Paul Tournier, known by many as the twentieth century’s most famous Christian physician, wrote a book back in 1954 titled “The Meaning Of Persons” that offers some very helpful insights for today’s world as we try to figure out how to best navigate social media in healthy ways. Tournier said that we all have to recognize the disparity that exists between who we know ourselves to be on the inside, along with how we decide to present ourselves to other people. He calls this disparity the difference between what we know to be our person, and the personage we present to the world. Because social media allows us to create, fabricate, curate, and present a false self to our followers, this disparity can be especially wide in today’s world. Tournier says we become contradictory beings. The further apart our persons and our personages are, the greater will be our problems with mental health, for part of our lives will be lie. Could it be that this is at the heart of our kids mental health issues?
Recently, there’s been a lot of conversation centered around the CDC’s latest edition of the Youth Risk Behavior Survey. The conversations are centered focused on of the findings related to teenagers and sexual behavior. The long-standing biannual survey continues to ask teens, “Have you ever had sexual intercourse?” The reality is that fewer teens are having sexual intercourse. But that does not mean that fewer teens are engaging in sexual activity. In fact, the kids themselves find the question to be out-dated, as there are many types of sexual activity and hook-ups that have become more and more common among our kids. For example, some kids talk about short-term hook-ups that are known as “situationships.” These are low commitment high-risk activities that might not be sexual intercourse. All this reminds us that our education regarding biblical sexuality is much-needed, perhaps now more than ever. Teach your kids God’s good design.
Over the years you’ve heard me from time to time mention self-harm and its prevalence among a growing number of children and teens. The kinds of self-harm we are talking about here includes things like cutting or burning of one’s self, banging one’s head against a wall, pulling out their hair, or even attempting suicide as a way to cope with emotional pain and difficulty. Researchers have found that boys ages ten to thirteen who have ADHD, bipolar disorder, or autism are at the highest risk. For our girls, those ages fourteen to seventeen who have depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or a history of trauma are most likely to engage in serious self-harming behaviors. Parents, be diligent in monitoring your kids. Adding smartphones to the equation might expose them to self-harm as an option. And always seek the help of a qualified Christian counselor where there is evidence of self-harm. We need to point our kids to the hope of the Gospel, and the Savior who promises to carry our burdens.
If you’re familiar with the growing world of Artificial intelligence, or AI, you have probably hear about chatGPT. This chatbot allows users to ask questions, and then get answers in a matter of seconds. Or course, this can helpful when you are looking to do things like find a particular product, plan a trip, learn how to fix and appliance, and find answers to trivia questions. But mental health professionals are sounding the alarm that many kids who are struggling with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues are now turning to ChatGPT for counseling advice. There are many concerns related to this development. One in particular that I will mention here is that kids who do this are opting for a simulated relationship with a machine, as opposed to leaning into a real flesh and blood relationship for help and support. Parents, monitor your child’s mental health. Where there are issues, intervene with trustworthy pastoral counseling and help from a qualified Christian counselor.
Our friends at protect young minds dot org are advising parents about five sneaky locations where pornography finds kids. Parents, be aware of these five locations. First, kids are accessing pornography through the wifi at their grandparents homes. The reason? Grandparents are less prone to install controls on their devices. Second, when kids are out from under your roof and at a sleepover, there are risks related to a lack of supervision. Many recommend that sleepovers are never a good idea. Third, when kids are together on the school bus and there are smartphones present, there is an unsupervised freedom that often leads to exposure. Fourth, several kids report that their first exposure to porn occurred when they were thirteen and babysitting in someone else’s home. And finally, eighty percent of exposure happens right in our own homes when our kids are behind closed doors. Parents, be diligent by warning your kids of the dangers, and then setting up safe borders and boundaries.
In a recent blog post for Salvo magazine, Robin Phillips asserts that education is in crisis, and one of the causes seems to be ChatGPT. He says that the problem is quite simple: our kids and our educators are increasingly wondering why we should to write well when bots can just do it for you. Phillips believes that just as the typewriter removed the perceived need for good handwriting, and just as the calculator disincentivized people to compute, and just as spell check has deterred students from trying to spell correctly, and just as the internet has disincentivized people to remember things, so artificial intelligence is challenging the perceived need for students to write well. The result is a growing trend to no longer require students to write essays in school. Phillips pushes back by reminding us that language is part of what it means to be made in the image of God, and the ability to use language skillfully is fundamentally tied to clarity of thought, and therefore our human flourishing.
When I was kid, whenever I would lament not having what the neighbor kids had my dad would address my envy by repeating the old cliché about the dangers of trying to keep up with the Jones’s. In a recent article in Atlantic magazine, researcher Dr. Jean Twenge tells us how in today’s world, it’s not so much the neighbors we envy, but everyone and everything we see on social media. She writes, “Now the rich or at least those who appear to be rich fill our feeds and our screens, providing a skewed vision of how other Americans live. The Kardashians cannot, in fact, be kept up with. Online, everyone else’s life looks more glamorous than our own.” Twenge goes on to say that this feeling and sense of relative deprivation is especially present among the younger generations. As Christian parents, we need to counter this with a biblical view of material possessions. We must share the words of Jesus, who tells us in Matthew six to not be anxious, but to seek first God’s Kingdom and His righteousness.
You be you is a current cultural mantra which encourages our kids to embrace, pursue, and become their authentic selves. Our kids are learning that to become their authentic selves, they are to follow their feelings and desires. In her recent book, Live Your Truth And Other Lies, Alisa Childers compares the cultural messages on finding one’s authentic self, with the Bible’s counter-cultural and life-giving guidance on God’s will for who we are to be. While the culture tells us to put yourself first, the Bible tells us to put up with the failings of others. The culture says we are to outdo ourselves in whatever way is needed to make our dreams come true. The bible tells us to outdo one another in showing honor. The culture tells us to count our likes and accomplishments, while God call us to count others as more important than ourselves. And when the culture tells us to exalt ourselves, the Bible calls us to crucify self so that Christ can live in you. Teach your kids to live counter-culturally.
Today, I want to pass on an update about the newest developments regarding concussions and our kids. A concussion is considered a mild traumatic brain injury. It results from a jolt or blow to the head. For our children and teens, one of the most common causes of concussion is involvement in youth contact sports. Football, soccer, and lacrosse are some of the sports where concussions are common. The latest research from the University of Cambridge says that for just about half of young concussion patients, they will not reach the stage of full recovery, even after six months. Some of the most persistent symptoms include depression, cognitive impairment, headaches, and fatigue. These findings should not only get us to reconsider the involvement of our younger children in certain sports, but we must also move away from the shake it off and get back out there attitude that can cause further damage. Parents, run point on stewarding the health of your kids.
All this week we’ve been looking at Paul Tripp’s new book, Reactivity: How The Gospel Transforms our Actions and Reactions, and what it means to respect the dignity of others, especially as we and our children learn how to best glorify God on social media. Tripp asks, what does it mean to treat people with dignity? Tripp reminds us that when we find ourselves in disagreements with others, we must see them as human beings. This means that when we are tempted to see or treat them as less, we must remind ourselves that they are divine image bearers. In addition, Tripp says that we must think of others as never too lost to be beyond redemption. Nobody is beyond the reach of God’s grace. No one is lost a cause. He writes, there is no sin so great, no darkness so deep, and no rebellion so strong that it lives beyond the rescuing, convicting, forgiving, transforming, and delivering power of God’s grace. Parents, teach your kids to show the same measure of grace to others, that God has shown to them.
All this week we are looking at Paul Tripp’s new book, Reactivity: How The Gospel Transforms our Actions and Reactions, and what it means to respect the dignity of others, remembering that all human beings are divine image bearers, especially as we and our children learn how to best glorify God on social media. Tripp asks, what does it mean to treat people with dignity? In world where we tend to attack others over our differences, Paul Tripp tells us that we need to resolve to respond to differences with appreciation and grace. Scripture calls us to unity and not uniformity. God has made us different from one another in many ways. We need to approach each other with humility, kindness, graciousness, appreciation, patience, and grace. Can you imagine how the social media landscape and all of our personal interactions would be transformed if we approached each other in this way? Your kids will be living with social media and technology for the rest of their lives. Now is the time to train them well.
All this week we are looking at Paul Tripp’s new book, Reactivity: How The Gospel Transforms our Actions and Reactions, and what it means to respect the dignity of others, as all human beings are divine image bearers, especially as we and our children learn how to best glorify God on social media. Tripp asks, what does it mean to treat people with dignity? He says that we need to resolve to intentionally do no harm to anyone. Tripp writes, “Scripture clearly forbids that we would act in any way to harm our neighbor. The Bible prohibits murder, forbids any act of vengeance, calls us to be angry without sinning, and commands us not to gossip. Scripture is clear that all of our responses to one another are to be shaped and directed by love, even if that person is your enemy.” This guidance from Paul Tripp is so timely as we work to navigate a social media world that seems to celebrate anger and gossip. Parents, model well these good social media habits, teaching your children to do the same.
All this week we are looking at Paul Tripp’s new book, Reactivity: How The Gospel Transforms our Actions and Reactions, and what it means to respect the dignity of others, as all human beings are divine image bearers, especially as we and our children learn how to best glorify God on social media. Tripp asks, what does it mean to treat people with dignity? He says that we must resolve to treat every person with respect, no matter what. This is a kind of respect that doesn’t have to be earned, but rather it is an honor given simply because you bear the image of God. Tripp tells us that we must be careful not to give ourselves permission to be disrespectful and cruel to others just because they are the enemy of what we think is good, true, and beautiful. We are called to resolve to respect others not because of what we think of them, but because of who God has created and declared them to be. Tomorrow, we’ll continue to look at Tripp’s guidance for us and for our kids.
In his wonderful and helpful new book, Reactivity: How the Gospel Transforms our Actions and Reactions, Paul Tripp offers up biblically-centered and faithful guidance on how to best glorify God as we navigate the world of social media. Tripp tells us that as God was creating the first person He uttered seven words that change everything you would otherwise think or know about people: “Let us make man in our image.” God said this so that we would forever acknowledge the distinctiveness and the superiority of human beings in His created order. Tripp tells us that we are to treat one another with the dignity God has placed on each one of us as his image bearers. Tripp recognizes the difficulty of doing this well in the world of social media, where people are non-physical, nameless, and faceless. Stay tuned as all this week we will look at Tripp’s recommendations for teaching ourselves and our kids to honor the image of God in others as we navigate social media.
Those of us who embraced the Christian faith during our childhood and teenage years have memories of how hard it was to live faithful lives in a midst of a culture that encouraged us to do otherwise. Much of our difficulty came from the presence of negative peer pressure. This kind of difficulty is present in the lives of our Christian kids today, but is even more pronounced due to the changes taking place in today’s culture. We would do well to share these words from the late justice Antonin Scalia. “God assumed from the beginning that the wise of the world would view Christians as fools and he has not been disappointed. Devout Christians are destined to be regarded as fools in modern society. We must pray for courage to endure the scorn of the sophisticated world. If I have brought any message today, it is this: Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world.” Parents, share these words with your kids.
Late last month, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory report on Social Media and Youth Mental Health. As expected, the report holds back a bit, being somewhat cautionary regarding making conclusions until more data is received. But the fact that the report even exists should wake us up! Listen to these introductory words from the report: Social media use by youth is nearly universal. Up to 95% of youth ages 13–17 report using a social media platform, with more than a third saying they use social media “almost constantly.” Although age 13 is commonly the required minimum age used by social media platforms in the U.S., nearly 40% of children ages 8–12 use social media. There are increasing concerns among researchers, parents and caregivers, young people, healthcare experts, and others about the impact of social media on youth mental health. The report correctly calls parents to action in terms of setting up borders and boundaries. Parents, this is your God-given responsibility.
In a recent letter to First Things magazine, Mother of six Gina Loehr offered up these helpful words to share with our kids. “Femininity is not a measure of fashion choices or makeup usage. Drag queens insult me because they reduce femininity to an appearance that can be purchased and painted on. We who believe in biological sex as an essential part of our human and personal dignity ought to be sure we do not fall prey to the same error. My female body has matured through the trials of puberty, the decades-long challenges of menstruation, pregnancy, miscarriage, childbirth, and nursing. I will never bond over any of these experiences with a man, a male drag queen, or a trans woman, even if we swap dresses, wear matching shades of lipstick, or hire the same surgeon to reconfigure our chests. Masculinity and femininity can’t be bought. Our gender identity is assigned to us freely at the moment of conception. My body, with its uniquely feminine powers, makes me a woman. Not my wallet.”
The CDC’s recently released bi-annual Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System data on American teenagers offers a look into what our kids believe and how they are behaving on a variety of matters. Parents and youth workers need to look at the data so that we might know how to best address our kids on matters that Scripture so clearly addresses. For example, this year’s data reveals that the proportion of high school students who identify as heterosexual has declined from eighty-nine percent in 2015, to around seventy-five percent this year. In addition, the proportion of high school students who identified as homosexual, gay or bisexual has increased from eight percent in 2015 to fifteen percent now. The implications are clear. Our kids are listening to the cultural narrative on sexuality, a narrative that encourages living in to one’s personal choices rather than God’s good design for sexuality. We need to teach our kids God’s freedom-giving design for sex and marriage.
Recently, I’ve been taking some time to read through, study, and consider the ten commandments. One of the commandments that I believe it is important for us to revisit ourselves and with our families is the fourth commandment: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, or your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. In today’s world, we are so frantically busy that we don’t take the time to rest. God made us for a rhythm of work and rest. Even the animals need to rest, a reality I see on our local Amish farms as the large work horses do nothing but graze on Sundays. When France experimented with a ten day work week, extreme fatigue and high death rate was seen among their draft animals. Parents, teach your kids to shut down for a sabbath rest.
In case you’ve been wondering where your kids are spending their time on social media, the latest survey data from Pew Research offers some insights. YouTube is the most popular social media platform, with seventy-seven percent of teenagers saying they use Youtube on a daily basis. Coming in at second is Tiktok, with fifty-eight percent of teens using the video sharing platform every day. Rounding out the top five are snapchat, Instagram, and facebook. Pew also discovered that nineteen percent of teens say they use YouTube almost constantly, sixteen percent use tiktok almost constantly, and fifteen percent use SnapChat almost constantly. The online world of social media platforms are serving to shape, nurture, and we might even say disciple our kids into beliefs and behaviors. Shouldn’t we be clearing paths and making efforts to have Scripture be our children’s guide? Parents, are you setting borders and boundaries? And, are you talking to your kids about what they see?
What should we be teaching our kids about what it means to live as a Christian in today’s world? Can they just live as they please, following the course of this world while believing if they raised their hand or walked forward during a church service or youth group meeting that they are going to heaven? The reality is that those who are committed to Christ are also committed to following Christ in this world. The Christian faith not only speaks to what happens after death, but it speaks to all of life before death. When we pray the Lord’s prayer we pray that God’s Kingdom will come, and that God’s will will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. As I once heard the late Tom Skinner say, “Our function is to be the live model of what is happening in Heaven. That is, we are to reflect the value system of the new order of things.” Skinner was reminding us that Jesus calls His follower to be the light of the world. Are you teaching your kids to follow Jesus and not themselves?
It was way back in 2011 that MIT Professor Sherry Turkle released her ground-breaking book, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. Turkle was writing about the growing epidemic of loneliness, precipitated in many ways by our increased screen time, which can leave us in physical proximity with others, but emotionally detached. Today’s teenagers, all part of what’s known as Gen Z, are feeling especially lonely. Some reports show that almost three-fourths of Gen Z’ers feel lonely sometimes or always. For example, the percentage of lonely high school seniors jumped from twenty-six percent in 2012 to thirty-nine percent in 2017. God has made us for relationships. This includes first and foremost our relationship with him, and then our relationships with others. With out those relationships, we suffer. Parents, one step you can take is to carve out times for everyone to shut down their devices, and then to just be together.
Back when I was a teenager, there was a growing movement in the church to steer kids away from popular music that referenced things like drugs, sex, and violence. Many parents and youth workers were criticized for monitoring what their kids were listening to, as some believed that music lyrics were benign in influence. But research began to show that their concerns were justified, as what we listen to does influence our beliefs and behaviors. A new study measuring the associations between listening to sexual music lyrics and the influence on adolescent behavior has found that boys are more likely to participate in sexting in the future when exposed to sexual music lyrics. Parents, we need to be gatekeepers for the minds and hearts of our kids. Psalm one-hundred-one three says, “I will set no wicked thing before my eyes.” We need to teach our kids to have that same resolve. Our entertainment time should be, like all other times, about pursuing that which is good, true, right, and honorable.
The American Psychological Association has released a new set of recommendations regarding teenagers and their use of social media. Likening social media use to getting behind the wheel of a car, APA President Thema Bryant says that “just as we require young people to be trained in order to get a driver’s license, our youth need instruction in the safe and healthy use of social media.” The APA recommends that this training should not be a once and done thing, but rather something that is revisited from time to time to reinforce best practices in an effort to protect kids from potential harm. Parents should also be setting borders and boundaries, along with monitoring their child’s social media use. Parents, this is a wise step to take as you fulfill your God-given responsibility to nurture and parent your children. Taking these steps might limit their exposure to content promoting self-harm, disordered eating, bigotry, sexual license, and gender fluidity. Be diligent with your kids.
Today, I’d like to remind you of the passage in Deuteronomy six that’s known as the Shema. Listen carefully to these inspired words to parents. “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our god, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your head, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” As I read these words that remain as parental marching orders today, I am reminded of the need to consistently teach our children and teens the truths of God’s Word, in and through everything we do and everything we are. Are you consistently planting the seeds of God’s Word in your child’s life?
I remember being in Sunday School as a child and singing a catchy little song about wisdom, discernment, and influences that has stuck with me until this day. Perhaps you remember the same song, which issued warnings like be careful little eyes what you see, and be careful little ears what you hear. That song oftentimes comes to mind when I think about the influence that mass media and social media has on us and our kids. What we watch and what we listen to communicates beliefs about life that shape and even misshape our worldviews. And for our impressionable kids, the power to shape and misshape is especially strong. Parents, consider these true words from Robert McTeigue: Mass consumer culture is more than a vendor. The range of its dynamics is greater than simply facilitating the transfer of wealth from consumer to merchant. Mass culture is a principal venue for propaganda, seduction, illusion, and addiction.” Parents, teach your kids to think Christianly about media.
Last month, I read an article from our friend Noelle Mering that was titled, “a subversive message for Mother’s Day.” Listen to these words of reminder from Noelle: A face only a mother could love” is a funny old idiom to describe a homely person. On the surface, the saying indicates a mother’s obliviousness to the plain reality that everyone else sees. But it’s not the mother who sees in a limited way, it’s the rest of us who do. Given eyes of love, the mother recognizes the inestimable worth of her child. She sees something hidden and in that seeing, her vision is clarified, not obscured.
With summer now upon us, here’s a short update on teenagers and working part-time jobs. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics tells us that teen employment rates have been on the decline now for several years. Back in the year 2000, fifty-two-percent of all teens were working. By 2019, that number had dropped to thirty-four-percent. During 2022, the number decreased even further, with only just under thirty-three percent of teenagers in the part-time work force. Experts tells us that the benefits of teen employment are many. Kids learn social skills from working with others, interacting with customers, learning to take on responsibility, and learning how to receive constructive criticism and feedback. Teens also learn how to be reliable, responsible, and flexible. In addition, kids can gain insights into desired future vocations as they learn more about their interests, abilities, and giftedness. Parents, encourage your kids to work, and to work to the glory of God!
When popular theologian, writer, and pastor Tim Keller passed away last month, I was in the midst of reading his daily devotional on Proverbs, God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life, with a group of friends. We were actually in the midst of reading several consecutive entries on how Proverbs addresses the deadly sin of pride. Keller had pointed us to Proverbs twenty-seven two, which reads, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger and not your own lips.” Keller writes that Only God’s praise cannot be angled for, and cannot corrupt. Keller also quotes these words from Shakespeare: “Pride is his own trumpet, and whatever praised itself but in the deed, devours the deed in praise.” The point is that we must pursue faithfulness to God in all things, and let our deeds speak for themselves. This is biblical humility, and it’s what we are all called to. Perhaps the best place that we and our kids can practice this is on social media. Glorify God, rather than yourself.
When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to get home from school, to change from my school clothes into my play clothes, and get outside with my friends to play. In fact, my mom would almost push me out the door since she knew that time spent outside with my friends was important. Don’t come home until dinner time, she would tell me. In our neighborhood, our afternoons, weekends, and summer days were filled with games of pick-up sports, hiking through the woods, riding bikes, or just hanging out at a neighbor’s backyard swingset. In those days we called it play. In today’s world, we now call it “independent play,” and it’s happening with diminished frequency. A new study suggests that the rise in mental health disorders in children and teens is attributable to a decline in opportunities for kids to roam, play, and engage in activities without adult oversight and control by adults. You see, independent play fosters healthy growth and development. Parents, let your kids play independently.
I recently received this text message from a high school coach I know: “Would you please make people aware of high school athletes and the NIL deals? Something has to be done. It’s getting out of hand.” In case you’re unfamiliar to what this coach is referring to, Nil is an acronym that stands for name, image, and likeness. You see, just like pro athletes, high school athletes are now signing sponsorship and endorsement deals with major companies like Nike and others, to use their name, image, and likeness to market and promote products. California was the first state to allow Nil deals with high school athletes, and now twenty other states are doing the same. Bronny James, son of Lebron James, already has seven point five million dollars in NIL deals. Of course, there are many concerns regarding this trend. It’s evidence of our materialism and commercialism. In addition, it undermines play, making it a money-making endeavor. Sports are not to replace our worship of God.
Earlier this year, Mitch Prinstein, the chief science officer at the American Psychological Association spoke to the Senate Judiciary Committee about the effects that social media and technology are having on our kids. His particular focus was on the decline in mental health. One of the made points made by Prinstein during his testimony is one that I’d like to pass on to you today. Prinstein wants us all to know that for our kids, getting “likes” on social media can make bad behavior look good. He relayed that when teens view illegal or dangerous behaviors on social media alongside icons suggesting the negative content had been “liked’ by others, the part of the brain that keeps us safe stopped working. In other words, seeing the likes reduces a viewer’s inhibition toward dangerous and illegal behavior. Parents, be aware of the powerful role that online peer pressure plays. Prepare your teens by teaching right from wrong, and helping them to see the powerful pull of peer pressure.
I recently read about a contest where teenagers were encouraged to invent a new word. Many of the respondents created words that reflect the reality of teenage life in today’s rapidly changing world. One of the words that caught my eye was this: calamitalysis. That’s spelled c-a-l-a-m-i-t-a-l-y-s-i-s. The word’s inventor defines calamitalysis as a debilitating stress or anxiety, derived from hopelessness about the terrifying problems of the world. With mental health issues like stress and anxiety on the rise among our kids, we won’t be surprised if calamitalysis catches on as an everyday word. This offers us a great opportunity to lead our kids into an understanding of God’s promised peace, protection, and presence for those who are in a relationship with him through Jesus Christ. We need to teach our kids that Jesus says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Without Jesus, we consign ourselves to a life of calamitalysis.
In her book, Live Your Truth and Other Lies, Alisa Childers says that there are endless ways that truth can be spun, manipulated, covered up, and even used to promote deception. Often, the lie is christened with religious-sounding language that makes it seem to feel right. Over my own years in ministry, I’ve come to understand that a half-truth is actually more dangerous than a complete lie. As Christians, we actually do a better job of spotting complete lies. But lacking well-honed skills of discernment, we also tend to jump right into half-truths. Childers issues this warning: Our culture is brimming with slogans that promise peace, fulfillment, freedom, empowerment, and hope. These messages have become such an integral part of our American consciousness that many people don’t even think to question them. They sound nice and carry an illusion of truth. The problem? They are lies. Parents, we need to teach our kids biblical discernment, and that begins with taking them into God’s Word.
All this week we’ve been looking at the powerful role Dad’s play in their teen’s lives. Our kids will mess up. For some, their poor decisions will result in consequences that last a long time. Others may enter into a rebellious period that leaves you hoping and praying that like the prodigal son, they’ll return home. It’s at these times when we need to realize that loving our kids, means being committed to our kids. Teens living in today’s culture face incredible pressures. Because they are sinful human beings, they will from time to time give in. We need to continue to love them when they mess up, are unreasonable, make mistakes, and don’t deserve it. I’ve come to appreciate the advice given by Christian psychologist Dr. John White, who himself dealt with a rebellious son. His basic rule for parenting is worth remembering. “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.” Dad, give your kids your love.
This week we’re discussing what teens need in a dad. When my son Josh was still in his preschool years, he opened my eyes to the power of my example. While riding together in the car I had to swerve and skid to avoid an accident. As we screeched to a halt and the other car went whizzing past us, Josh looked out his window in the direction of the other driver. While raising and shaking his fist, he yelled, “You Idiot!” It didn’t take long to realize where my mild-mannered little boy had learned such hostile behavior. Our kids become like us. They learn from our example. The things we do and say model who they are to become. The power of a dad’s example is captured in the old saying, “Like father, like son.” Dad’s what kind of example are you providing for your kids? And, if you want your kids to grow up to be followers of Jesus Christ, do they see an example of that in you?
This week we’re focusing on Father’s Day. Sadly, the experience of many teens indicates their fathers fail to listen. Research shows that mothers are far more likely than fathers to discuss problems and have close personal talks with their teenage children. As a result, both teenage boys and girls say they feel freer to go to their mothers, rather than their fathers, to “talk about anything,” to “talk openly,” “and to “tell her my problems.” When asked to choose the most likely option out of the four choices of mother, father, close male friend, or close female friend in response to the statement “This person and I always talk openly to each other,” only four percent of teenage sons and one percent of teenage daughters chose “father.” Kids will stop trying to talk if they aren’t being heard. Psychologist Paul Tournier wrote, “Every human being needs to express himself. Through lack of opportunity for it, one may become sick.” Are your kids healthy?
This week we’re getting ready to celebrate Father’s Day. Dr. Ken Canfield tells Dads that the first secret to fathering effectiveness is commitment. Commitment involves much more than claiming your child as your own. This commitment requires a conscious choice to be your child’s father, along with resolving to work for your child’s benefit. Fathers who choose not to commit are opening the door for someone or something else to raise their children. In today’s youth culture, there are a variety of fathering surrogates stepping in to assume the role of Dad. It could be the television, the school system, the government, or your daughter’s boyfriend. Consider these two facts: If you don’t choose to father your children, someone else will. As you celebrate father’s day this week, go ahead and enjoy the attention and love showered on you, and quietly ask God to help you do those things a dad should do for his children.
This week we celebrate Father’s Day. This is a great time to look at the valuable role Dad plays in a teenager’s life. Research indicates that tonight, 40% of America’s children and teens will go to bed in a home where their father does not live. Countless millions more will go to bed in a home where their father is physically present, but emotionally or spiritually detached. Father absence is a contributing factor to virtually every social problem and pressure facing our teenagers today. An absent dad invites the presence of pain. Substance abuse, peer pressure, premarital sexual activity, depression, and suicide are just a few of the issues that are more likely to be present in a teenager’s life if Dad is out of the picture. God has created us to live in families with both a mom and a dad. This Sunday, as you’re opening your father’s day gift, think long and hard about giving your kids the gift of a loving and involved dad.
One of the trends we’ve been tracking here at CPYU has been the rise in childhood and adolescent obesity. Because God has created us to have bodies and called us to care for and steward them to his glory, we must be concerned not only about our own health and well-being, but the health and well-being of our kids. One of the factors related to this obesity epidemic is the decreasing amount of physical activity for kids. More and more kids sit around engaging with screens, which has resulted in less time spent playing outdoors. A new study from the UK and Europe has found that in our teenagers, sedentary time may increase heart size three times more than moderate-to-vigorous physical activity. This is a cause for concern as it’s estimated that eighty percent of adolescents worldwide have insufficient physical activity per day. Parents, hear these words from the Apostle Paul: Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit? Honor God with your bodies.
Over the course of the last few months my wife and I have been slowly chipping away at the job of cleaning up and organizing our attic. Now that our kids are grown and out of the house, looking through boxes of their toys, books, and clothing is like a trip down memory lane. One box we found contained several Barbie dolls and accessories that belonged to our girls. I paused as I looked at the Barbie dolls as I had recently read about Nickolay Lamm and her desire to create a doll that has the proportions of an actual teenage girl. The reason? Barbie isn’t a real life doll. In fact, Lamm found that while the average nineteen-year-old woman has a thirty-three and a half inch waist, Barbie’s waist would be only eighteen inches if she was a real girl. Parents, we live in a day and age where outward appearance is priority one. That’s one reason why so many of our girls are struggling with body image issues. Help your girls find their identity in Jesus Christ. And, help them see the dangers of focusing on outward appearance.
We’ve come a long way since pong was released way back in 1972 and it became the first commercially successful video game. Since then, video games have gone from being accessible through coin operated machines at the local Pizza Hut, to becoming twenty-four seven obsessions for gamers through at-home-gaming consoles with life-like graphics. Parents, we need to set time limits on how much our kids play, and boundaries on what games they can play. Experts warn that we should also watch out for video game addiction. Look for these signs of addiction: thinking about gaming all or a lot of the time. Feeling bad when you can’t play. Needing to spend more and more time playing to feel good. Not being able to quit or even play less. Having problems at work, school, or home because of gaming. Finally, lying to people close to you about how much time you are playing. Parents, teach your kids to number their days so that they may, as Psalm 90 says, get a heart of wisdom.
A recent report in the Journal of the American Medical Association tells us that the mortality rate for children ages one to nineteen increased by almost eleven percent between 2019 and 2020, and an additional eight percent between 2020 and 2021. Most of the upsurge was due to the deaths among older children ages ten to nineteen. The increased rates in this ten to nineteen age group was attributable to increases in suicide, homicide, vehicle accidents, and drug overdoses. Because all of us face the reality of death, it’s important that we understand death in light of God’s story. Those who are in Christ have great hope in the reality of life after death. Consider these comforting words from the Heidelberg Catechism. What is your only comfort in life and death? That I am not my own, but belong body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful savior Jesus Christ! Parents, teach your children the hopeful truths of the Gospel so that they too, might find comfort in life and in death.
I recently had a youth worker friend lament what’s happening in the lives of her students as the result of some bad habits their families have adopted. She told me that after doing a quick survey of her students, she learned that only about ten percent eat dinner with their families every night. She went on to say that some of the families rarely ate dinner together. She told me that she had discovered that one of her students was using drugs. When she went to that student’s parents to share what she had learned, the parents were flabbergasted. When the parents wondered how they had missed this with their child, my youth worker friend was able to help them understand that their lack of time together as a family made it easy for them to miss what was happening with their teenager. A recent study of families in Britain found that families spend, on average, just six hours together a week. Parents, God has given you a relationship with your children. Nurture takes place when we spend time together.
In today’s world, our kids are being taught that true freedom consists of being able to step out from under any kind of external authority, and to live only under the authority of one’s self. They are to rule over themselves, constructing their own identities, beliefs, and behaviors based on how they feel at any given time. This way of living is not an option for our Christian kids. Consider these words of Jesus from John eight: “If you abide in my word you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” If we are going to be faithful follows of Jesus Christ, we must abide and live in the truths of God’s word. Dr. John White has said, “True freedom does not consist in doing what I want to do but in doing what I was designed to do.” Parents, teach your children and teens that full and complete human flourishing come only when we find our identity in who we’ve been made to be and we live according to God’s will and way for our lives.
Here’s another update on a cultural trend that should come as no surprise. A study of more than twenty-five hundred subjects ages thirteen to twenty four has found that those who vape nicotine only, THC only, or both nicotine and THC are more likely to report anxiety symptoms, symptoms of depression, and suicidal thoughts than those who don’t vape nicotine or THC through electronic smoking devices. In addition, the symptoms of anxiety were more frequently reported among those who only vape THC, the major psychoactive component in cannabis. And, over half of those who vape nicotine, THC, or both report experiencing symptoms of depression as opposed to only twenty-five percent who do not vape. This research from the American Heart Association reminds us of the dangers of vaping any substance. Parents, teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory. And, if their anxiety is overwhelming, point them to a competent Christian counselor.
In his new book, The Wolf In Their Pockets, Chris Martin offers up some insight and advice regarding what happens to us when we spend too much time staring into our smartphone screens. Chris writes, In the same way that a soccer goalie would have a difficult time evaluating and blocking penalty kicks if a dozen of them were kicked at him all at once, our ability to discern what is true and what is good is hindered by the waterfalls of content we attempt to drink every time we scroll our favorite feeds. In this way, we are responsible for our lack of discernment. We can become so information-drunk that we don’t know what is real anymore. Our unquenchable thirst for more content blurs our understanding of reality and can lead us into any number of intellectual or moral ditches. But we aren’t the only ones to blame. The trouble is that the actual social media platforms themselves spread sensationalism at the cost of truth, and this makes it even easier to succumb to a lack of discernment.
We live in a world where conversations about sex and gender are all around us. According to the spirit of the times, each individual is sovereign over themselves, and therefore able to choose to live according to their feelings, desires, and preferences. But for the Christian, the foundation must be the Word of God. In his book Biblical Critical Theory, Christopher Watkin writes these words we must heed: “Genesis one is the single block on the bottom row of the Bible’s Jenga tower. If this one truth is removed or neglected, the whole edifice comes crashing down. The first verse of the Bible is really the foundation for everything else: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. If we can understand the implications of that single verse, we are well on our way to answer the ‘so what?’ question of the whole of the Scriptures.” Parents, we must teach our kids that God has created sex and gender. He is sovereign over all, and we must live into his design, not our own.
Our kids are growing up in a world where pornography is pervasive. Seeing pornography is not a matter of if, but a matter of when. If they don’t find pornography on their own, it is bound to find them while they are engaging with their smartphones and computers. Because our kids are created by God as sexual beings with desires that have been put there by Him, they are prone to seeking out and actually becoming addicted to pornography, which is a fallen expression of God’s good gift of sexuality. Those who choose to indulge their sexual lust through pornography use do damage to their brains in ways that result in what is now called porn brain. Research tells us that looking at pornography triggers unnaturally high levels of dopamine secretion. This damages the dopamine reward system, leaving it unresponsive to natural sources of pleasure. Pornography is part of our sinful and fallen world. Teach your kids that it’s not the way it’s supposed to be, and it will harm them deeply.
Parents, do you struggle to figure out how to best guide your children and teens through the difficult realities of life in today’s world? If you do, you are not alone. Our rapidly changing world can leave our heads spinning. Dr. James Montgomery Boice offers up these words of advice and remedy that I have found to be personally helpful: Study the bible daily. We should discipline our lives to include regular periods of Bible study, just as we discipline ourselves to have regular periods for sleep, eating our meals, and so on. These things are necessary if the body is to be healthy and if good work is to be done. In the same way, we must feed regularly on God’s Word if we are to become and remain spiritually strong.” These helpful words from James Boice are a good guideline as we parent in today’s world. Only the regular study of God’s word can give us the perspective and wisdom we need to raise our kids in the midst of culture’s many pressures. Parents, point your kids to God’s unchanging word.
One of the most difficult issues parents find themselves navigating in today’s smartphone and social media saturated world relates to setting proper borders and boundaries for their kids when it comes to devices and online time. Many parents I run into lament putting a smartphone in the hands of their children and teens. Most did it for a couple of reasons. First, to know where their kids are and to keep them safe. And second, they don’t want their kids to feel left out when their circle of friends are all on smartphones and social media. I recently heard some great advice from actress Jennifer Garner regarding how she has kept her three kids, ages seventeen, thirteen, and eleven, off social media. She says, “I just said to my kids, show me the articles that prove that social media is good for teenagers, and then we’ll have the conversation. Find scientific evidence that matches what I have that says it’s not good for teenagers, then we’ll chat.” Parents, this is a great way to navigate this issue with your kids.
I recently had a roundtable conversation with a group of local church youth workers. We were chatting about the role that youth sports has taken in our current cultural setting. As parents, we want our kids to be able to play, to be able to develop their athletic gifts and abilities, and to be able to move up through the ranks if God has given them athletic talents. Sports are a good thing. But like all good things, sports and children’s athletic achievements can become ultimate things. When that happens, we have wandered into the territory known as idolatry. When sports take up our time, money, attention, thoughts, and devotion, they have taken over God’s rightful and proper place in our lives. Because our kids are watching us, they are learning that this needs to be the way they live as well. One of my youth worker friends gave us this to think about during our conversation: When parents allow sports to become an idol, they are robbing their children of spiritual nurture and costly Christian faith.
Sadly, alcohol use and abuse has been seen as a normal rite of passage for kids over the course of several generations. But do you know that aside from the moral and spiritual reasons to be concerned, there are a host of other reasons to be concerned about kids using alcohol? The folks at drugfree.org list the following reasons for concern. First, alcohol does damage to a teenager’s developing brain. Second, alcohol use leads to risky behaviors. Third, teens run the risk of drinking and driving while impaired, a habit that can end lives and change families forever. Fourth, alcohol use contributes to poor mental health and is a significant factor in youth suicide. Fifth, alcohol use can lead to chronic health problems. Sixth, there is the danger of alcohol poisoning, which can be fatal. And finally, there is always the risk of addiction. Parents, you have the greatest influence on your kids beliefs and the resulting behaviors. Warn them about the dangers of alcohol use, and set up clear boundaries.
The folks at drugfree.org recently released a guide to help parents understand current trends among teenagers in regards to alcohol consumption. In the guide, parents are given four answers to the question, “Why do young people drink alcohol?” The first answer is not surprising at all: I drink alcohol because my friends do. All of us know the push and pull of peer pressure from our own teenage years. Of course, media and advertising contribute to this everybody does it reality through glamorizing alcohol consumption. The second answer given by kids is that they drinking as a normal part of being social. Again, media has played a role in this. Third, kids say that alcohol helps them feel less anxious or depressed. And finally, there’s a reason given that simply boggles the mind: my parents are ok with it. Parents, when you are lenient, permissive, hosting parties, and providing a bad example, your kids are more prone to drink. Let’s get wise and do the right thing.
Today, I’d like to share with you a prayer from a little daily Scripture reading guide that I use titled “Seeking God’s Face.” This prayer is most timely for life in today’s world as each of us, young and old alike, works to navigate God’s good gift of sexuality to His glory and our good. Since sexual temptations are ever-present, this helpful short prayer is one that each of us can share with our kids. Here’s the prayer: “Covenant God, we know the well-worn path of sexual sin – a lingering look, a lustful desire, a wicked thought, a world of invitation, and finally the actual act. Single or married, keep us true to your intention for the bodies you gave, always honoring you and others in them. In Christ’s name. Amen.” Parents, I encourage you to help your kids understand not only the goodness of their sexuality, but the many ways in which our sinful and broken selves so easily go astray. Share with them the universality of sexual sin, and point them to the God who promised to give them a way out.
One of the most dangerous aspects of today’s social media is exposure. Social media is a place where our kids will be constantly exposed, among other things, to dangerous ideas, addictive immoral content, and dangerous people. It’s not a matter of if, but when. And once it finds them, kids who are unprepared to respond according to guidelines you’ve communicated, they very easily could wind up looking for that same content that they never asked to see in the first place. One way this happens is with followers. It seems like each and every day, I run across notifications of new Instagram followers along with notifications of their “likes” of my photos and stories. It only takes a second to realize that many of these people are depicted in sexualized photos. They are fishing for followers, and who knows what else. Parents, teach your kids to guard their hearts and minds by blocking these requests when they get them. As the Scriptures say, we should put no unclean thing before our eyes.
I often say that if I had a dollar for every stupid thing I did as a teenage boy, I’d be a rich man. The boys in my neighborhood fed off of each other with our foolishness, and issuing dares to each other was a common occurrence. I would say that it’s a wonder none of us ever got hurt, but that wouldn’t be truthful on my part. Boys are still boys in today’s world. But the dares have ramped up a bit with the advent of social media and the dares and challenges that go viral. I recently read about one more viral challenge parents should be aware of. This one involves overinflating a basketball and filming it so that the moment the ball blows up can be shared online. But is this safe? Judging from one thirteen year old’s experience the answer is no. The video of the Missouri teen features the sound of the exploding ball and the moment the boy injured his hand, had damage to his eyes, and temporarily lost his hearing. Parents, warn your kids about viral challenges like these.
As the cultural conversation regarding transgenderism heats up, I want to connect a couple of dots for you today. You need to know that according to the latest research from Piper Sandler Companies regarding teenagers and their brand preferences, Nike continues to hold its position as the number one brand for all teenagers in both the footwear and apparel categories. Over the years, Nike has mastered the art of connecting with and influencing teens spending decisions through their marketing. But as we always say here at CPYU, ads don’t only sell product. Rather, their greatest power is to sell a worldview. That’s why we want to connect the dots between Nike’s new ad campaign featuring transgender icon Dylan Mulvaney sporting women’s clothing, and your teens. You see, Mulvaney is a biological male. And the message your kids are getting is not that God designs our bodies, but that gender is a personal decision.
With over twenty-three million subscribers to his YouTube channel, actor and professional wrestler Logan Paul is a true celebrity influencer. Evidence of his influence among our kids is the popularity of his line of energy drinks, known as Prime. The drink is so popular among middle schoolers that it’s selling out, and parents of kids obsessed with the brand are looking everywhere for it. The drink is pricey and can cost several dollars per bottle. Some kids have created a second-hand market where they resell the bottles to friends at school at jacked up prices. The drink’s colorful packaging and fancy names like Meta Moon and Ice Pop, making them particularly marketable to kids. Parents, you need to be aware that dieticians are issuing warnings about Prime, as it contains about two hundred millegrams of Caffeine, which is twice that of a Red Bull or Monster. They are warning that they can be addictive, cause depression, insomnia, irregular heart beats, and high blood pressure. Parents, beware.
Our friends at the Barna Institute have released a new report on members of Gen Z and spirituality that is titled “The Open Generation”.
There’s some encouraging news for those who love and lead kids regarding their interest in Christianity. Listen to these words from the report: Curiosity about Jesus is widespread in the open generation. Teens in the U.S. are far more intrigued than their global peers, with 77 percent being at least somewhat motivated to keep learning about Jesus throughout their lives. A teen’s personal commitment to follow Jesus goes hand in hand with their motivation to study him—the percentage of teens who want to learn more about Jesus rises significantly among committed Christian teens. Even among teens who are non-Christians or don't know who Jesus is, however, over half are at least somewhat motivated to keep learning about him. Parents and youth workers, don’t forsake your responsibility to nurture and lead kids into spiritual maturity.
Elle Mills is a twenty-four year old who became a YouTube celebrity when she was only twelve-years-old. Over time, she had one-point-seven-million subscribers, one-point-eight-million total followers, and one-hundred-and-fifty-five million views. But after twelve years of being validated through the addicting high of gaining the numbers, she shut it all down because of the hard-hitting reality of the lows. In a recent New York Times op-ed piece, Mills sends out a warning to parents and young youtube celebrity wannabes about the addicting nature of seeking and getting attention. She writes, “The peak of my YouTube career didn’t always match my childhood fantasy of what this sort of fame might look like. Instead, I was constantly terrified of losing my audience and the validation that came with it. My self-worth had become so intertwined with my career that maintaining it genuinely felt life-or-death.” Parents, point your kids to glorifying God rather than themselves.
The word pornography is rooted in the Greek word porneia, which means to practice prostitution, sexual immorality, or fornication. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul frequently used this word in reference to any kind of sinful and illegitimate sexual activity. Our friends at the HarvestUSA ministry offer this helpful definition of pornography that’s written from a biblical perspective: Pornography is anything that the heart uses to find sexual expression outside of God’s intended design for relational intimacy. It is anything that tempts or corrupts the human heart into desiring sexual pleasure in sinful ways. Parents, we need to teach our kids that God has made sex for our good and his glory, but that we can only experience it in these ways when we stay within his purpose and his plan. Paul tells us that we are to flee from sexual immorality, or porneia. Talk to your kids about pornography, along with the dangers that come with indulging our good gift of sexuality in sinful ways.
I oftentimes think back to my college days and am struck by how much my eating and sleeping habits have changed since then! Rarely did I go to bed before eleven pm, and sometimes it was quite a bit later. In that respect, college students really haven’t changed that much. New research shows that they are still involved in late-night cramming, parties, and other activities that keep them from getting the necessary amount of sleep. In fact, researchers at Carnegie-Mellon University have found that freshman who get fewer than six hours of sleep a night see a drop in their final grades and GPA. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine says that college students should be getting a minimum of seven hours of sleep a night. But sleep tracking devices placed on research subjects found that the average bedtime is two-0-one am, and average waking time is nine-seventeen am. Parents, talk to your students about stewarding their God-given bodies with the proper amount of rest.
Parents of teenagers. . . few if any of us haven’t experienced the embarrassment a child feels when we show up to drop them off at school or pick them up at an event. It’s even worse if we throw out a kiss goodbye or a loud “I love you!” in earshot of their friends. Recently, a video posted on TikTok by Lindsey Helms, the mother of a middle school daughter, went viral. Helms began filming the crowd of middle schoolers waiting to be picked up from a school dance as she pulled up in her minivan. Helms had rolled down her windows and was deliberately blasting the song Pretty Girls Walk by Big Boss Vette at high volume. Heads begin to turn and pretty soon her own daughter is shown completely mortified as she spots and hears her mom arrive. But the best part of it all is that her daughter’s friends find it totally cool and they are laughing as they joyfully pile in for a ride home. Parents, have a sense of humor. Yes, your kids might be embarrassed by you now, but it will pass!
Kudos to the group of almost one hundred Hawaiian high school students who last month rallied at their state capital to request that state lawmakers take action against big tobacco. Knowing just how dangerous and addicting tobacco use is, the students were lobbying for legislation to regulate e-cigarettes and stop the sale of flavored tobacco. With the youth vaping epidemic on the rise, these students are taking matters into their own hands to protect their vulnerable and easily influenced peers from getting hooked and suffering the long-term effects of tobacco use. Samantha Lay, a junior at Roosevelt High School said this: “The tobacco industry systematically targets youth with flavors like Rainbow Candy, Aloha Sun Fruit Punch, and Passionfruit/Orange/Guava to entice kids at early stages of their lives. This has resulted in a rapid increase in addiction and rising demand for these products amongst my classmates and even kids as young as elementary school.” We say way to go Samantha!
If you’re a regular listener to Youth Culture Today, I’m sure you’ve heard me quote the words spoken by media critic Marshall McCluhan several decades ago. He wrote, “We become what we behold. First we shape our tools, and then our tools shape us.” McCluhan goes on to say that we immerse ourselves in our technological tools without giving any thought to what they might do to us in the long-term. And then, when we are hooked and we start to regret the consequences, it’s hard to peel back. I thought of McCluhan when I recently read these words from twenty-three year old college student Jerome Yankey as he thought about his addiction to TikTok. Yankey would stay up all night scrolling on TikTok. He says, I saw me not putting the effort into my own life, rather just trying to live vicariously through what I’m seeing.” Then, he deleted the app. Now, he’s reconnected with his friends, he’s sleeping, and his grades improved. Parents, keep your kids from tech addiction.
Parents, the latest statistics on when teenagers see pornography should remind us that it’s not a matter of if, but when. Consequently, we should be talking to our kids about pornography at younger ages than we might first imagine. The research, from Common Sense Media, tells us that the average age for first time exposure to online pornography is twelve. Fifteen percent of those surveyed saw it when they were ten years old or younger. More than half of the respondents were not looking for pornography. Rather, they report seeing it online accidentally. In other words, pornography found them rather than the other way around. Thirty-one percent viewed online porn while at school. And fifty-two percent report seeing pornography depicting what appears to be rape, choking, or other types of violent sexual behavior. Pornography is a fallen, twisted, and sinful expression of God’s good gift of sexuality. Talk and keep talking about the purpose and place of God’s gift of sex.
It’s very easy to get swept up into the spirit of the times. Because we live in the midst of culture, we can easily live into the values of that culture without taking the time to consider whether those values are good values, or bad values. One aspect of the spirit of our current times is what has been called safetyism. The term was first coined by writers Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff in their book, The Coddling of the American Mind. They use the term to describe a belief system in which safety has become a sacred value. We tend to avoid any risk or danger, whether emotional or physical. Safety is a good thing, but when we shield our kids from any kind of difficult circumstance, we undermine their ability to develop the kind of positive resiliency that grows through experiencing healthy stress. Parents, lets help our kids become strong by allowing them to experience the kind of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges that allow them to flourish both now and into adulthood.
Earlier this year, Amy Neville, a mother from San Diego, testified before lawmakers regarding a tragedy that occurred in her life back in June 2020. Neville had gone into her fourteen-year-old son’s bedroom to wake him up so that they would make it to an orthodontist appointment on time. She was shocked to find her son Alex unresponsive. He had died from a fentanyl overdose. How did this happen? Neville told lawmakers that her son Alex had taken a counterfeit pill laced with illicit Fentanyl. He had purchased the pill online through a contact made in a Snapchat video. In August of last year, Snapchat launched a tool for parents called the Family Center, which allows parents to monitor their child’s Snapchat activity. Still, this story serves as one more example of not only how our kids are targeted in dangerous ways, but also their vulnerability to these targets. Parents, if you have allowed a smartphone in the hands of your kids, borders and boundaries are necessary protections.
All this week we’ve been looking at how to push back on a youth sports culture that tends to value the wrong things, by living out our faith as sports parents. Jesus said that it’s out of the overflow of our hearts that our mouths speak. Parents, what do your sideline words and behavior say about your heart? Sports psychologist Vincent Fortanasce says, “Frustrated parents can attack the umpires, berate the managers and coaches, and demean the players on the field with impunity. Some go the full hundred yards in criticizing their children’s teammates, and even their own children.” I think you would agree that his observations are tragic. I’ve watched young kids cower and teenagers become bitter in response. And even if they do respond with improved performance, are those critical attitudes the kind of qualities we want to nurture in our kids? Children learn from our example. If we’re going to scream anything, it should be words of praise, encouragement, and acceptance.
All this week we’re looking at how to push back on a youth sports culture that tends to value the wrong things, by living out our faith as sports parents. There’s much that we can learn from hockey hall of famer Mark Howe. Mark understood when his talented 17-year-old son Travis asked to quit playing ice hockey. The win-at-all costs mind set of his coaches and teammates’ parents had finally gotten to be too much for Travis. Mark says that in youth sports today “the child’s welfare is becoming less and less important. The focus should be on instruction and developing character. But you wonder about some of the coaches and parents today . . . the bottom-line is that I never saw Travis smile when he played. . . I supported his decision 100 percent.” As a result of their decision, Travis Howe won’t be the third generation of the Gordie Howe family to play in the uniform of the National Hockey League’s Detroit Red Wings. For the Howe’s, character won out over winning.
All this week we’re looking at how to push back on a youth sports culture that tends to value the wrong things, by living out our faith as sports parents. Have you ever taken the time to stand back and observe the behavior of the parents who stand on the sidelines screaming and yelling at refs, coaches, and even their own kids? As we parent our kids through organized sports, it’s important that we continually ask ourselves this question: “Who’s out on the field?” Unfortunately, some parents see their kids as a second chance to fulfill the sports dreams they themselves never realized during their own childhood. Alanis Morrisette’s gripping old song Perfect echoes the experience of too many kids: “I’ll live through you, I’ll make you what I never was/If you’re the best, then maybe so am I. . . you’ll make up for what I blew/what’s the problem. . . why are you crying?” Parents, let your kids play to have fun. Don’t require them to validate your own inadequacies.
Vincent Fortanasce is a psychiatrist, coach and member of the Little League Hall of Fame. In his book, Life Lessons from Little League , he relates how he asked parents at the initial team meeting about what they first ask their children after a game, if they had not been able to attend. The most common question was “Did you win today?” The second most frequent question was “How did you do?” Fortanasce writes, “What was my point? Simply that I wanted my team parents to re-focus away from ‘I want my child to learn to win,’ or the pursuit of perfection, to the pursuit of contentment and confidence; from ‘I want my child to be the best player on the best team’ and the pursuit of talent, to ‘I want my child to be a good sportsman’, or the pursuit of character.” He suggests that the more appropriate questions are “Did you have fun?” or “What did you learn today?” Join us tomorrow, as all this week we’ll be looking at how to be sports parents to the glory of God, rather than to the glory of our selves.
Back when we first started our Digital Kids Initiative here at CPYU, I would often tell parents that they need to let their kids know that whatever they post on social media is not only available for the entire world to see, but it will remain there forever. I was warning them about the impact of their digital footprint. As time went on, kids didn’t care what others saw, and they were posting all their innermost secrets so that others could see them. There are many reasons why this is so. But the fallout is now coming back to haunt them. I recently read about nine-teen-year-old Aly Drake, an aspiring college athlete who lost a potential spot on a university team when coaches scanned her social media posts and found them to be too negative. There are two takeaways from this story. First, WE need to be the ones listening to and helping our kids so that they don’t have to reach out to the entire world. And second, our kids need to know that there are things best kept in the family and close friend circle of trust.
I recently ran across a social media meme that pictures some cannabis, along with this message: negative effects of smoking weed include, less weed. It’s one of many weed-friendly social media posts that researchers say are influencing teenagers and their attitudes on cannabis. In a new survey from Washington State University, researchers found that teens are seeing a lot of positive cannabis messages on social media. And, those messages do influence attitudes on cannabis use. Author of the study, Jessica Willoughby, says this: “Youth, in particular, have really grown up bombarded with cannabis information compared to previous generations. We found that they were seeing more positive messages about using cannabis and a lot less about the risks.” She reports that teens and college students who saw more positive messages were more likely to say they intended to use the drug. In spite of this, we believe that parents have tremendous influence, and we need to exercise that influence starting when our kids are young.
Many members of Generation Z are either delaying getting their driver’s license, or not getting a driver’s license at all. Generation Z includes all those born between 1997 and 2012. When most of us think back to our own teenage years, we couldn’t wait to get our driver’s license, as it represented a move from dependence to independence, and it served as a marker that we were moving closer to adulthood. But things have changed. In 1997, forty-three percent of sixteen-year-olds and sixty-two percent of seventeen year-olds had driver’s licenses. In 2020 those numbers had fallen to twenty-five percent and forty-five percent. Why is this happening? Kids are concerned about the higher cost of driving, and driving’s impact on the environment. Ride-sharing, e-scooters, and e-bikes are transportation alternatives. But there’s one additional reason kids are choosing not to drive: fear and anxiety. This reminds us of our need to address anxiety through the peace, presence, and promises of Jesus Christ.
In my home office I’ve got one desk drawer that’s become a tangled mess of charging wires and obsolete devices that are doing nothing more than collecting dust. I recently went through the drawer and started pulling out a collection of old cell phones that reveal a bit of my own tech history. Among the varied old phones were a couple of flip-phones, which I now believe I might have to hold on to as they could be rising in value. It seems that a growing number of kids are realizing just how addictive their smartphones have become. Feeling that their smartphones are undermining their emotional, physical, and relational well-being, these kids are opting to relegate their smartphones to mothballs while choosing to use those old vintage flip phones. We think it’s good news that kids are choosing to unglue from their devices to be present with others. Parents, God made us for relationship with Him, and then with flesh-and-blood others. Help your kids detangle from their devices.
Late last year, the American artificial intelligence research laboratory know as Open AI launched the ChatGPT artificial intelligence chatbot. Now if your head is already spinning over that last sentence, you’re not alone. Those of you who share my technical deficiencies regarding the cascading onslaught of new digital technologies are, like me, left scratching your head over what these things are, how they function, and how they will change our lives. Let me start with this: the GPT in ChatGPT stands for generative pre-trained transformer. Still confused? Let me share one way our kids’ lives are being changed by ChatGPT. Using the chatbot, a person can type in a request like the one we made here at CPYU: write an article on the Christian perspective on teen gambling. In seconds, a well-written and grammatically-correct paper came back. The concern now is that students will no longer do their own research and writing for school. Keep an eye on ChatGPT and your kids.
In their best-selling book The Coddling of the American Mind, Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff tell us that one of the cultural lies we and our kids have been led to believe is this: “What doesn’t kill you will make you weaker.” Consequently, our goal in life is to do whatever we can to avoid pain, believing that it will destroy us. Conversely, we believe we should pursue pleasure and comfort at any cost, believing that pleasure is redemptive. Anyone who has endured difficulty and learned great lessons knows that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, as Christians we must recognize that nothing could be further from Gospel truth. Suffering is the fertile ground for great growth in character, wisdom, and virtue. Suffering brings us to the end of ourselves. It grows our dependence on God while undermining our dependence on our selves. I believe that we should be praying that our kids will suffer enough to lead them out of themselves, and into a deep trust and faith in God.
A recent article in Teen Vogue’s online magazine is titled “influencer parents and the kids who had their childhood made into content.” As the title indicates, the article talks about the parents who leveraged social media by putting everything about their children’s lives online for the world to see, not just photos of childhood achievements, but all the intimate details of their lives. This includes videos of them crying, to footage of them being disciplined. All of these have been shared like a young life is some kind of reality show, and it’s all been done without the child’s permission. Now, these children are coming of age and their digital footprint is not only there, but they are lamenting and even angry over what their parents have done to invade their privacy, while trying to gain an online following for themselves. Parents, while the temptations are surely real, maintain a Christ-like humility. Neither you or your kids need to be front and center on social media. Just endeavor to parent well.
Launched back in August of last year, the social media app known as Gas quickly became popular among teens. The app’s name Gas comes from the slang term “gassing someone up”, which is a phrase teens use to describe the act of complimenting someone. The app, which is oriented towards high schoolers, allows users to participate in anonymous polls where they can choose pre-written complimentary statements about peers from their own high school. For example, someone might post the question Who do you secretly admire? The names of four students are listed and users can anonymously choose one out of the four multiple choice answers. Users can see that they’ve been chosen and complimented, but they can’t see who the compliments came from. The app is billed as safe, private, positive, and void of ads and tracking. Still, there are concerns that kids could become obsessively attached to checking the app to see if someone likes them. As always, we recommend caution.
Recently, TikTok added a new video filter that has drawn in those who are older to using the social media video platform. The filter is called Teenage Look. Users focus the camera on their face and see a split screen, with the lower picture showing them as they look now, while the upper picture smooths out their wrinkles, launching them into a trip down memory lane as they supposedly find themselves facing their high school aged self. Truth be told, I gave it a look which simply resulted in a quick laugh. But reports are that many older users of the Teenage Look filter are actually getting emotional in different ways. Rather than laughing, some are saying that old emotions are being drawn out. Others are upset as they realize how fast time has passed and that they are indeed aging. For those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ, we cannot forget that our days are numbered, and we have a great hope that this life is not all there is. One day, God will make all things new, even you and me.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to offer a strategy you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today’s culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o’er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan’s thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o’er all forever reigns!”
On this Good Friday, I want to share with you what I call a parent’s version of the Book of Common Prayer’s Good Friday prayer. Gracious God, the comfort of all who sorrow, the strength of all who suffer: Let the cry of those of our children in misery and need come to you, that they may find your mercy present with them in all their afflictions; and give us, we pray, the strength to serve our children for the sake of him who suffered for us, your Son Jesus, Christ our Lord. Let us pray for our children who have not received the Gospel of Christ; That they would hear the word of salvation. That you would make yourself known to those who have walked away from the faith. That you would soften the hearts of those hardened by sin or indifference. Heavenly Father, we ask that you would open their hearts to the truth, and lead them to faith and obedience. Fill us as parents with the hope of the resurrection of your Son Jesus Christ, and may we never cease to love and pray for our children.
It is a bad thing when we get swept up in the current of what the Apostle Paul calls “the course of this world”, leaving our minds and the ability to discern between truth and lies at the door. Rather than seeking to evaluate everything under the microscope of Biblical truth, we simply choose to believe and embrace the “truth” we like in the moment, and jettison that which we choose not to believe. It was over 25 years ago that social critic Gene Veith wrote these words that so accurately foresaw our situation today: “With no absolute canons of objective truth, the rational is replaced by the aesthetic. We believe what we like.”
It’s been over a decade since The Barna Research Group released a list of notable trends in the church, including one alarming trend that we must think about this week. Overall, the Barna Group reported that the Christian Church was becoming less theologically literate. The basic, universally-known truths about the Christian faith are now unknown and mysterious to a large and growing share of Americans, especially young adults. Sadly, that trend continues today. For example, only a minority of adults associate Easter with the resurrection of Jesus Christ. In addition, fewer and fewer adults believe that their faith in Christ should be the focal point of their lives, with that faith integrated into every area of life. God has called us to teach our children the basics of the faith. Failure to do so only advances a post-Christian culture. This week, take the time to teach your kids about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
As we get ready to celebrate power of the Cross and the Resurrection of Jesus this weekend, I want to ask you if you’ve taken any time to talk with your kids about the earth-shattering significance of what it is that we will be celebrating. The fallout from our culture’s growing reality of biblical illiteracy hit me hard when a couple of years ago on the day after Easter my daughter-in-law, an athletic trainer at a large suburban high school, shared with me a conversation she witnessed between a group of a dozen student athletes who were in the training room. Everyone was chatting about their Spring Break when one of the students asked, “What the heck is Passover and Easter about?? I know nothing.” Multiple kids agreed that they didn’t know the story, and some jokingly said, “I think it’s something about Jesus. . . maybe his birthday.” Over the course of this weekend, why not read Matthew chapters twenty six, twenty seven, and twenty eight together as a family?
Once again, I want to warn you about a dangerous party trend that’s gone viral and being promoted on TikTok. Known as the Borg challenge or drinking trend, the online videos quickly garnered over eighty-two million views. The word Borg stands for blackout rage gallon, which refers to an alcoholic drink that is made by filling a gallon size jug with a combination of water, alcohol, electrolytes, and caffeinated energy drinks. Borgs typically include up to a fifth of alcohol, which is equal to about sixteen drinks. Students believe that mixing and drinking their own borg is a safe alternative to carrying an open container that could be tainted with some other drug. Students also believe that adding the water to dilute the alcohol makes for a safer drink and drinking less, which is actually not true. On one weekend in March, the University of Massachusetts in Amherst had twenty-eight ambulance calls related to the trend. Parents, warn your kids about the dangers of this and other drinking trends.
I recently read about Gary Haugen’s experience as a Christian called to respond to the horrible genocide in Rawanda. Haugen says, “When you are standing in a mass grave in Rawanda, the question that came to my mind was not the question that was coming to everyone else’s mind. I’ve had people ask me, where was God in the midst of all this? But I could sense, at least from Scripture and what I knew of my heavenly father, that I knew where God was: He was right in the midst of all that incredible suffering. The more relevant question for me was where are God’s people?” Today, Gary Haugen is sending God’s people to respond to the world’s great needs through the International Justice Mission. Haugen’s words should cause us to seriously evaluate what we’re doing to help our kids hear God’s call to a lifestyle of service and sacrifice. Are you pointing your kids to that high calling?
We live in a sports-obsessed culture. In God’s good design, sports are a good thing as long as they don’t become an ultimate thing, or idol. One measure of how much we worship sport is the growing pressure many kids feel from their parents to not only participate, but to excel, and this is happening at younger and younger ages. It’s no wonder many of our kids burnout and then dropout from youth sports. Researchers have found that many adolescents feel that their parents interfere in their sports experience by doing things like videotaping and critiquing their performances, offering rewards for excellent play, and putting them in too many camps. Researchers also found that this pressure can be attributed to parents wanting to give their children experiences they themselves never had. Parents, let’s give our kids opportunities to play, to learn, to try hard, and to have fun. And let’s remember Paul’s word to the Ephesians about parents, that we are not to exasperate our children.
Over the course of the last couple of years, our family has been on a crash course to learn about diabetes in children. The reason for this is that one of our grandchildren was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of six. In children, type 1 diabetes is believed to be caused by an autoimmune reaction. Unlike type 1 diabetes, type 2 diabetes typically comes on later in life, and being overweight and inactive are two of the most common causes. In other words, type 2 diabetes can often be prevented. I recently saw a research study which indicates that in the coming decades, a growing number of today’s children and teens will develop type 2 diabetes due to poor nutrition and a lack of physical activity in childhood. We know that kids are eating poorly and are not as active as children in the past. Parents, you are the frontline of prevention. And, as Christian parents we are called to steward our children’s bodies, protecting them from harm, and providing for their well-being.
Neuroscientists at the University of North Carolina have been working to find an answer to a question many of us have about the relationship between our kids and their use of social media. That question is this: what is social media doing to young brains. Using brain scan technology, researchers found that children who habitually checked their social media feeds at around age twelve showed a distinct trajectory of increased sensitivity to social rewards from peers over time. Kids who spent less time engaged with social media actually had a declining interest in social rewards over time. Dr. Eva Telzer reports that “teens who grow up checking social media more often are becoming hypersensitive to feedback from their peers.” One concern related to this study is that our kids are being nurtured into increasingly craving the attention of others. God made it so that our habits form us. In a sinful world, bad habits can deform us as well. Parents, set phone limits for your kids.
I recently read a thought-provoking quote from the eighteenth century writer Samuel Johnson. Johnson wrote, “Language is the dress of thought; every time you talk, your mind is on parade.” Immediately after reading these words I thought about what Jesus said in Matthew twelve when he was talking about how a tree is known by its fruit. Jesus said, “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” He goes on to say that good will come out of a heart that is good, and that evil comes out of a heart that is filled with evil. I have learned that I have to monitor my heart by monitoring my words. In addition, I can evaluate the spiritual health of my child’s heart by listening carefully to their words. In today’s world, it’s not just our spoken words that pull back the curtain on our hearts. What we post in social media gives insight as well. Parents, mind your own words and confess what needs to be confessed. Seek the Lord with your entire being, heart included, and lead your kids to do the same.
Perhaps you’ve seen the bumper sticker that reads, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” That little saying captures the philosophy of life known as materialism. Sadly, it’s a philosophy of life embraced by most people in our American culture. It’s also the way of life embraced by our children and teens as they follow our example, believing the lie that each new purchase and acquisition will somehow bring meaning, purpose, and satisfaction in life. Webster’s dictionary defines materialism as the doctrine that the only or the highest values lie in material well-being, and a preoccupation with or stress upon material rather than intellectual or spiritual things. Our kids are hammered every day by a marketing machine that feeds this idolatry, teaching them to think about money and wealth, rather than about God. Parents, are you living your life as an example that tells the truth?
God has made us for relationships, and the primary human relationships for which we’ve been made are those with our family. It’s no secret that one of the primary trends undermining the health of our families has been the loss of a family meal time. Researchers recently listed seven benefits of eating together as a family. First, everyone has better eating habits. One reason is that eating together keeps us from a fast food diet. Second, it helps the mental health of our kids, lowering their risk of developing eating disorders, drug and alcohol use, aggressiveness, sadness, and suicidal ideation. Third, it curtails weight struggles in adulthood, by lowering the risk of obesity. Fourth, children feel supported and more secure in themselves. Fifth, table conversations improve overall communication skills. Sixth, kids develop resilience to bullying. And seventh, family closeness is built. Parents, eat together, and why not add the benefit of sitting together to read God’s Word.
I was only six or seven years old when I spotted a wrapped chocolate bar sitting on the kitchen counter. It was holiday time and my mom was getting ready to bake something but had left the room. The temptation was too great, and I cracked open the candy and broke off a square. Imagine my disappointment when my tastebuds sensed the unexpected bitter taste of baking chocolate. I thought about that experience recently when I read about a study in the journal pediatrics which reports on the growing case of young children, especially toddlers, who have eaten marijuana-laced edibles like gummies, candies, chocolates, and cookies. In most cases, it’s not only the treats themselves that are enticing, but the attractive packaging that makes them look like kids candies and snacks. This growing trend has led to hospitalizations and serious illnesses including depressed breathing and even coma. Teach your kids that what looks god might be bad for them.
One of the most alarming trends in today’s youth culture is a growing sense of entitlement. It’s especially prevalent among those children and teens living on the receiving end of a silver spoon. On the other end are parents who feed their kids an endless parade of opportunities, activities, and things - all without ever having to work for any of it. These kids wind up believing that they will never have to work for anything, because, after all, they deserve it. A Harris Interactive Poll found that 90 percent of parents do think that it’s important for their children to work to pay for the things they want. But the reality is that few kids had jobs. There is a disconnect between the desired end result and what the kids are actually doing. The words of theologian John Wesley are worth teaching to our children: “Work as hard as you can, to make all the money you can, to save as much as you can in order to give away all that you can.”
Recently, there’s been a lot of debate regarding whether or not the social media app TikTok is appropriate for teenagers. The video sharing app has come under lots of criticism regarding the spread of inappropriate content, as well as its addictive nature. The nonprofit Center for Countering Digital Hate has found that harmful TikTok content related to suicide and eating disorders can find users within minutes of setting up an account. Researchers found that it can take under three minutes for the user to see content related to suicide, and just about five more minutes to be exposed to a community promoting eating disorder content. With so many of our kids going to social media to find information on their mental health and body image, there is warranted concern, especially for our younger teenage girls. Parents, teach your kids to find their identity in who they in Christ. And point them to the One who has promised to bear their burdens and anxieties.
Our friend, Nicholas Black, recently wrote an article for the HarvestUSA ministry that offers wise counsel on what to say when a child or friend expresses gender confusion. This week, I’ve been unpacking Nicholas Black’s five broad principles a parent, pastor, and church can pursue. The fifth and final principle is this: we want to call our friend to bring God into the heart of the situation. Bringing God into the heart of the gender situation is absolutely necessary because this is a spiritual issue, too. The spiritual issue is this: that to go against God’s design and purpose brings about increasing confusion and pain. Bringing God into the situation is to move toward obeying him, even when it is difficult, as we recognize it is. Living into obedience to Christ leads to heart change. As we’ve looked at the gender confusion situation this week, we cannot diminish the reality and difficulty for so many people. But we’ve also recognized God’s good design, order, and provision.
Our friend, Nicholas Black, recently wrote an article for the HarvestUSA ministry that offers wise counsel on what to say when a child or friend expresses gender confusion. This week, I’m unpacking Nicholas Black’s five broad principles a parent, pastor, and church can pursue. The fourth principle is this: we need to teach a biblical view of perservence in the midst of suffering. We need to acknowledge that some life situations are chronic, persistent, and will not be completely resolved in this life. We are called as followers of Jesus to persevere faithfully in certain situations. By doing so, we discover that God’s grace gives all of it meaning and purpose, and He provides the daily strength we need to live, grow, and prosper. In second Corinthians twelve nine, the apostle Paul reminds us of this truth: that God says to us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Paul recognized that when we are weak, then we are strong.
Our friend, Nicholas Black, recently wrote an article for the HarvestUSA ministry that offers wise counsel on what to say when a child or friend expresses gender confusion. This week, I’m unpacking Nicholas Black’s five broad principles a parent, pastor, and church can pursue. The third principle is this: help your young friend to grasp that our lives, which includes our bodies, first and foremost belong to God. We need to patiently teach that believers in Christ have a deeper foundation for their identity than those in the world. We do not have the right to be autonomous, self-determined individuals who create identities and lives that fit our felt needs. God has given us life and redemption. We are made in his image which includes our gendered bodies given to us at birth. An identity grounded in Christ seeks his purposes above all else. Orienting ourselves around Christ allows us to reflect on the secure identity that he offers. Pray that they would not be enslaved to their internal desires.
Our friend, Nicholas Black, recently wrote an article for the HarvestUSA ministry that offers wise counsel on what to say when a child or friend expresses gender confusion. This week, I’m unpacking Nicholas Black’s five broad principles a parent, pastor, and church can pursue. The second principle is this: Carefully teach and seek mutual involvement. We need to communicate to our loved one that deep, persistent gender struggles grow stronger when we contend with them in isolation. As we walk with them, we want to continue to lovingly communicate biblical truth, knowing that during this journey it may take times. Nicholas says, “our words, combined with our loving presence, are what people in pain need. Being involved means connecting them with the body of Christ. You can connect them with Christian counseling. Help them find a mentor. Walk with them for as long as it takes, through all the successes and failures that will be a part of their journey.
Our friend, Nicholas Black, recently wrote an article for the HarvestUSA ministry that offers wise counsel on what to say when a child or friend expresses gender confusion. Nicholas says that of course, we want to be sure to talk about the bible’s teaching on gender, that God created humanity as male and female. However, we must also recognize that we are dealing with someone living in our broken and confused Genesis 3 world. This week, I want to unpack Nicholas Black’s five broad principles a parent, pastor, and church can pursue. The first is this: Affirm and recognize how hard this is. Ask good questions so that you can begin to grasp what his or her life is like and why they feel so strongly the need to transition to the opposite gender. Begin by getting to know the individual’s story, along with what cultural stories are being heard and followed. This is great advice, that we seek first to understand before seeking to be understood. It’s important that we listen first.
Why is it that so many of us feel like failures when we or our children make a mistake? My guess is that we are disappointed because we expect ourselves and our kids to be perfect – a very unrealistic expectation. But our gnawing sense of imperfection should not keep us from being good parents. Realistic parents pave the way for family closeness and build their children up by parenting with grace. They aren’t paralyzed by feelings of fear and inadequacy when they make mistakes. They know that God uses imperfect people to carry out his plan, and he will use them as they raise their children in spite of their imperfections. When I look in the mirror, I see inconsistency. When I look inside myself I face the dark reality of my sinful nature. When I look at my kids, I see the same. Parents, in the midst of your teen’s imperfection, are you showing him God’s grace?
Our friends at Common Sense Media have released their latest report on teenagers and pornography. Since pornography is a horribly fallen expression and distortion of God’s good gift of sexuality, we want to encourage parents to listen to what the survey has found, and then take ongoing steps to teach your kids about God’s good gift of sexuality. Nearly three in every four teens have been exposed to pornography, either accidentally or on purpose. Fifty two percent of our boys and thirty-six percent of our girls say they have watched pornography on purpose. Among teens who have watched pornography intentionally, fifty-nine percent watched once a week or more, and thirty one percent watched less than once a week. And while twelve is the average age when children first watched pornography, fifteen percent of kids first saw it at age ten or younger. Parents, pornography is miseducating our kids on sex. Know and teach God’s design as taught in the Bible.
I recently read a fascinating and helpful perspective on the place sports should and should not hold in our lives written by Robert Cunningham for ByFaith magazine. Cunningham says that all of us have been made with religious impulses and the desire to worship something. For the Christian we know these impulses have been put there by our creator and that they can only be satisfied when we worship him. But sports is often looked to as a substitute god, or idol. Cunningham says that there are three basic impulses we’ve been given: glory, community, and identity. When our team wins, we feel glory. But it is an exhaustible glory that always leaves us wanting and unsatisfied in the end. Our community needs to be the church, God’s people. Sports cannot provide a depth of community. And when we identify with our teams, and moments of greatness, more often than not this source of identity fails us. Sports should not be an ultimate thing. We need to teach our kids to live for Christ.
A recent news story about concrete serves as a metaphor for nurturing our children and teens into long-term spiritual growth and vitality. Scientists have long-wondered why the ancient roman pantheon and other roman buildings constructed of concrete have remained intact for almost two-thousand years. Researchers have unlocked the mystery by comparing the composition of the long-lasting roman concrete, to our modern concrete, which tends to break down rather quickly. It seems that the Romans worked hard to prevent decomposition by using a form of limestone that actually set off chemical reactions over time to self-fill cracks and even strengthen the structure. When I read this, I couldn’t help but think about being diligent with our children when they are young, teaching them the truths of God’s word, over and over and over again. You see, as Jesus teaches, building them this way will set them up to endure the inevitable storms of life with an intact and strengthened faith.
The dictionary defines sextortion as the practice of extorting money or sexual favors from someone by threatening to reveal evidence of their sexual activity. In today’s online world, sextortion has become a serious crime that occurs when someone threatens to distribute your private and sensitive material if you don’t provide them with images of a sexual nature, or sexual favors. Recently, the FBI has sounded the alarm about what has been called an explosive increase in teenage boys being targeted online and sextorted after being tricked into sending sexually explicit pictures. Most of the victims have been between the ages of fourteen and seventeen, with some as young as ten years old being targeted. Parents, don’t put a smartphone in the hands of a child or young teen. Be sure your kids know not to talk to strangers online. Let them know that they should report any suspicious messages to you. Finally, let them know that taking, sending, or viewing nudes is wrong.
In his book “Help my Kids are Hurting,” my friend Marv Penner offers an acronym to help us think through the skills needed to help wounded kids. The letter L stands for listening – the most fundamental skill needed by anyone working with hurting kids. We must close our mouths and listen intently as they tell their story. O refers to what we offer students. They’ve opened up with us because they believe we have something they need. We must offer hope and the willingness to go deeper with them. V calls us to validate what’s happening in the lives of hurting kids. We must let them know that their pain and feelings are real and legitimate. E reminds us to eliminate immediate dangers including behaviors and relationships, especially if they are on a path to hurting themselves or others. Our culture leaves kids hurting and they desperately need our LOVE.
Over the course of the last several years, those who lament the rapid decline in mental health among children and teens have been working to figure out if there’s any connection between the decline, and the pervasiveness of smartphones and social media in the world of children and teens. More and more research is pointing to a connection. In addition, anecdotal evidence put forth from educators makes the connection clear, so clear in fact, that back in January, the Seattle public school district filed a lawsuit against the major social media companies, including TikTok, Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. The lawsuit argues that these companies have exploited the vulnerable brains of youth for profit, along with creating a mental-health epidemic. The school’s are seeking compensation to deal with the rising costs of school-based mental health care. Parents, this serves as another reminder to set limits and boundaries on smartphones in your home.
As a Christian parent, what is your greatest desire for your children? I’m afraid that all-too-often, we allow our desires for our children to be shaped by the ideals of the kingdom of this world, rather than by the ideals of the kingdom of heaven. In Matthew 20, we read about the request made to Jesus by a mother named Salome, about her sons, the disciples of Jesus named James and John. She wanted Jesus to grant to them power and authority, including sitting at the right and left hand of Jesus in His kingdom. But Jesus explains to them and all of us that whoever would be great must be a servant. We need to teach our kids that greatness comes through entering into the sufferings of Christ, and living lives marked by servanthood. Consider what theologian R.T. France has said: "Self-importance, the desire to be noticed and respected, the ambition to make one's mark and to impose one's will on others, this is the value-scale of the rat-race, not of the kingdom of Christ."
I love digging deep into church history to uncover parenting advice that has not only stood the test of time, but which might be even more necessary and true than it was when it was first given. I recently ran across a quote from John Chrysostom, an early church father who lived from 347 until 407. Listen carefully to these words from Chrysostom: “As he who but partially pares away the image on a royal coin renders the whole spurious, so he who swerves ever so little from the pure faith, soon proceeds from this to graver errors, and he becomes entirely corrupted.” If we connect what Chrysostom says with parenting, we are reminded that as Christian parents we must remain faithful to God’s Word in everything, teaching our kids the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Parents, we need to heed the words of Proverbs 30:5 and 6: Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar.
Anorexia Nervosa is a medical term which means “nervous loss of appetite.” In recent years, anorexia has been on the rise, fueled in many ways by society’s pressure to be thin and to be perfect, an ever present reality thanks to both social media and marketing. While anorexia is more prevalent in our girls, a growing number of males are struggling with it as a result of body image concerns. It’s usually reported that ten percent of anorexics are males. A recent study in Australia found that about thirteen percent of adolescent males struggle with some kind of eating disorder. For males, the concern that most often drives them into body dysmorphia is a perceived lack of muscle. Here in the U.S., it was found that about thirty percent of adolescent boys attempt to gain weight and increase muscle mass. Parents, we need to counter the culture’s influence by constantly reminding our kids that God is most concerned with our hearts.
As Christian parents, what can we do to help our teens weather the inevitable storm of negative peer pressure in a way that brings honor and glory to their heavenly father? First, realize that negative peer pressure is a spiritual battle that all of us fight constantly. Second, pray for your kids as they face the pressure on a daily basis. Third, examine yourself to see how your example serves them as a model of how to handle negative peer pressure. Fourth, live a lifestyle of following Christ instead of the crowd. Fifth, actively help your children to realize their value and worth in God’s eyes so that they are less prone to seek the approval of others. Sixth, get your kids involved in a positive peer group where following Christ is celebrated and affirmed. And finally, help your kids understand the truth of Proverbs 13:20 – that the person who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
Humorist Will Rogers once said, “I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do now.” Rogers was saying that the world he had grown up in, no longer existed. Like a snowball accelerating and growing on a trip down a steep snow-covered hill, today’s youth culture is changing at breakneck speed. What does that mean for those of us who not only grew up in a different world, but who are now struggling to lead young people into a relationship with Jesus Christ? It means that you are a cross-cultural missionary. Are you taking the time to get to know your kids and their rapidly changing world? Do you read what they read, watch what they watch, and listen to what they listen to? If you are, then you are preparing yourself to be a cross-cultural missionary. For the sake of our kids, it’s a calling we must all embrace and answer with an emphatic YES!
For the last forty-eight years, researchers at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan have been monitoring drug trends among teenagers, and reporting their findings annually in the Monitoring the Future Survey. The most recent survey indicates that in 2022, levels of adolescent cannabis use and nicotine vaping held steady. Among our high school seniors, thirty one percent admitted to cannabis use in the prior twelve months. Twenty seven percent of high school seniors reported vaping nicotine. Even though these numbers remained steady, they are still high and much work needs to be done. The survey reported that alcohol use was on the rise among high school seniors, with fifty two percent reporting using alcohol in the prior twelve months. Parents, our need to instill in our kids physical, moral, and spiritual boundaries related to substance abuse remains strong. What are you doing to prepare your kids worship God through healthy decision-making?
If you’ve ever had a family game night, you are most likely familiar with the game called would you rather? You might have used questions like would you rather team up with wonder woman or captain marvel, or would you rather be forced to sing along or dance along to every single song you hear? It’s a fun game where you can learn much about other family members. I recently saw a youtube video where a teen asked his peers, would you rather give up social media or eat the same meal for the rest of your life? Good question. According to recent data from the Pew Internet and Life project, fifty-four percent of our teens say it would be hard to give up social media. Less than half, forty-six percent, say it would be somewhat easy to give up social media. As researchers continue to look at the issue of smartphone and technology addictions, we would be wise to set and enforce boundaries. We don’t want social media to become an idol that supplants their love for Jesus Christ.
From time to time I will inform you of the latest social media challenge going viral among teens. Some of these can be fun. But many of these challenges are dangerous or even deadly. One of the latest social media challenges police departments across the country are encountering is one that encourages young TikTok viewers to steal two particular brands of cars – Kia and Hyundai – and then take off with them for a reckless joyride that is then documented through video and posted on social media. The instructional videos offer detailed instructions on how to break into, hotwire, and start particular models. Police data shows that thanks to this social media challenge, Kias and Hyundais make up fifty-eight percent of vehicle thefts in Milwaukee, and forty-nine percent of vehicle thefts in grand rapids. Parents, this reminds us to teach God’s moral standards to our kids. In addition, it reminds us to not only monitor and limit social media use, but to monitor where are kids are at all times.
Parents, we can’t buy into the widespread cultural cynicism regarding children and teenagers as difficulties or burdens. The psalmist writes, “Don’t you see that kids are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the kids of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of kids.” Children are not liabilities; they’re rewards from God, given to us as a sign of God’s favor. God values them highly and so must we. Because it’s so easy for us as adults to fall prey to the selfish pressures and expectations of life in today’s world, we can just as easily see our children and teens as inconveniences and nuisances that suck the life out of us, keeping us from doing the things we want to do and from realizing what we think is our full potential. How selfish are we?!? When you face difficult times with your kids – and you will – always remember that the children God gave you as gifts remain gifts. . . even during the teenage years.
I’ve been lover of music since I was in elementary school and friends introduced me to the Beatles. By the time I got to high school in the 1970s one of my favorite music listening devices was my headphones. I could plug them into the family stereo system and crank up the music, leaving me to listen without complaints from my parents. Today, I love using my earbuds to listen to all kinds of music. But what I now wish I had known way back then was the damage that headphones and concerts can do to your ears. A recent study published in the British Medical Journal of Global Health reports that over billion people worldwide ages twelve to thirty-four could be at risk of noise-induced hearing loss. Researchers found that twenty four percent of young people enage in unsafe listening practices when using as ear buds. Parents, we are called by God to steward the physical health of our children. This includes protecting them from the harm of losing God’s good gift of hearing, now or in the future.
Everyone who has ever walked the face of the earth has been made by God for a relationship with God. Because our rebellion and sin has severed that relationship, there remains a deep yearning inside each human being to have that relationship restored. Whether our teenagers know what to call it or not, Blaise Pascal described this universal hole in the soul as a god-shaped vacume. Alister McGrath describes Pascal’s model as “a God-shaped emptiness within us, which only God can fill. We may try to fill it in other ways and with other things. Yet one of the few certainties of life is that nothing in this world satisfies our longing for something that is ultimately beyond this world.” While it may at times seem like it isn’t so, your teenager is no different than anyone else. His great need is to have this God-shaped emptiness filled by God. Even when they don’t recognize it as such, we can rest in the assurance that their hunger is for heaven, and our calling is to point them to the Cross.
In our North American culture, one of the only rites of passage we have from childhood to adulthood is the day that teenager passes their driver’s test and gets their driver’s license. As parents, we take the time to ensure that our kids have learned how to drive safely and conduct themselves responsibly before we allow them to take their driver’s test, and we share numerous safe driving reminders every time they head out alone on the road as newly licensed drivers. What we have to remember is that the most impressionable and lasting drivers ed lesson they receive is our example, which they get to watch for well over ten years. What kind of driving example are you putting forth for your kids? Pastor Philip Ryken says that the most useful virtue for driving is patience. He offers this take on Ephesians 4:1-2: I urge you to drive your car worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with other motorists in love. Parents, your kids are watching you!
With the use of cannabis on the rise and increasingly accepted in our culture, it’s important that we reckon with the fact that its use does have an effect on one’s cognitive and psychological processing. A variety of recent studies found that in relation to cognitive processes, cannabis users showed significantly lower performance on memory tests than those who are non-users or occasional users. These results were consistent, even when the subject being tested was clean on the day of testing. Users were also reported to have a tendency to engage in making riskier decisions, with this tendency even being evident in mild users of cannabis. Other effects of cannabis use include a greater incidence of psychotic episodes, an inability to feel pleasure, and schizophrenia. Cannabis use does have an effect on the brain’s chemistry and circuitry. Parents, if your kids are using cannabis, get them the help they need. And point them to the freedom that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Our friend, counselor Julie Lowe, has written a brand new book for parents that addresses many of the safety issues our kids and families face in today’s world. The book is called Safe Guards: Shielding our Homes and Equipping Our Kids. The book offers up a very realistic picture of the dangers our kids face in today’s world, along with biblically faithful responses we can enlist. Julie shares three guiding principles that are helpful for us all. First, we live in a broken and fallen world. There is danger and evil, sickness and disease, corruption, deception, and temptation. We cannot live in this world without seeing the effects of it on our lives and the lives of our children. Second, we teach our children to navigate this world by giving them the ability to discern good from evil and right from wrong. Keeping our children safe means that we teach them God’s ways. And finally, we must understand that our safety ultimately rests in the hands of our God. God is our very present help in trouble.
Over the course of the last few years, we’ve had a host of parents and educators ask our opinion on the use of screens in the classroom. In every case, we advise people to keep their eyes on the research so that technology can be utilized as something that enhances rather than detracts from the educational experience. In a recent column in National Review, Anthony Kinnett, the executive director of Choice Media, offers this helpful summary: Screen addiction, blue-light exhaustion, and other medical issues accompanying near round-the-clock screen use have only increased during this age of the computer replacing the teacher in the classroom. ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning disabilities’ coping mechanisms, often achieved through handwriting and screen restraint, are becoming less common as physical media takes a back seat to the convenience and entertainment of classroom computer use. Parents, get involved in your school’s decision-making process in order to strike a balance.
As a youth culture analyst there’s one question I get asked more often than any other: “What’s the greatest problem facing teenagers today?” The one-word answer is very simple: sin. It’s the same greatest problem facing people of all ages in all times and in all places. It’s the same greatest problem I face in my own life. We live in a Genesis 3:6 world. Everything God declared as “good” came undone and is in desperate need of redemption. . . . including ourselves. Each of us has exchanged “the truth of God for a lie.” In exchange, we worship and serve created things rather than the Creator”. The root of problems in our families and homes is the sinful, selfish nature of kids and adults. Yes, we must strive to raise spiritually healthy and God-honoring children. And, we must never use the universal reality of human depravity as a reason to not pursue Godliness and excellence. We must never forget that we’re all imperfect, flawed, finite beings polluted by sin, incapable of perfection, and in desperate need of a Savior.
Parents, what sexual script are your kids following as they learn how to live out matters of sex and gender? You see, whoever speaks first to a child on these matters sets the bar for truth. When we teach God’s good order and design for sex and gender, our kids will be better equipped to discern the errors of the cultural narrative. Not surprisingly, many of our kids are learning about sex and gender through their smartphone screens. An new study from the University of Georgia questioned students ages twelve to seventeen, and found that about fifteen percent had sent a sext to someone, and about twenty five percent had received a sext. About fifty percent of those surveyed indicated they had been exposed to pornography, the first time, on average, during sixth grade. Parents, its not a matter of if, but when. Because we want our kids to know and live the truth on sex and gender, we need to have ongoing conversations with our kids about biblical sexuality. Remember, the culture is speaking to them 24/7.
With the Super Bowl happening this week there’s excitement building not only about the game, but about all the new commercials that will air. This year’s cost to marketers? Seven million dollars for a thirty-second spot. As always, we suggest that you take the opportunity to make your Super Bowl watching experience a teachable moment for your kids. Use it as an opportunity to teach them how to apply their faith to the glut of marketing messages they face each day. We suggest that you filter every ad through these seven questions. One – What product is this ad selling? Two- What besides the product does this ad sell in term of lifestyles and worldviews. Three – What’s the hook and the bait? Four -What does the ad promise the product will do for you? Five, does the ad tell the truth? Six, Does the ad tell a lie? And seven – how does this ad and its messages agree or disagree with God’s Word and what does that mean for me? Parents, teach your kids to exercise biblical discernment.
One of the most quoted bible verses about parenting is found in Proverbs 22:6. It says, “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Our greatest responsibility as Christian parents is to lead our children into a lifetime of living under the Lordship of their Savior, Jesus Christ. We do this by teaching through our words and our example. Recent research from the Institute for Family Studies raises concerns about the kind of example many parents are giving their kids, especially as it relates to truth-telling. Researchers found that although virtually all fifth and sixth graders are under the age of twelve and not allowed to have a social media account according to the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule, six out of ten kids in this age group report that their parents have approved and allow them to have a social media account. Parents, we teach our kids to disobey authority and live deceptively when we encourage and allow them to bypass the rules.
Today, I want to offer a word of encouragement and perspective to the parents who may be listening. I’ve made an effort to be a good parent. I’ve made many, many mistakes. I’ve struggled from time to time with my own self-centered feelings of inadequacy, sometimes falling into the trap of worrying about what other people will think about the shortcomings in my life and the life of my kids. I’ve grappled with rebellion in my kids. I’ve known sickening dread, sleepless nights, rage, bitterness, shame, frustration, the disappointment of shattered hopes, and the battle between tenderness and contempt. If you raise a teenager and are totally spared all of these experiences, there are two things you should know. First, you are in the minority. And second, it is – like all good things in life – only by the grace of God. The reality is that it’s not easy. But we can and must approach our parenting of adolescents as a glorious God-given challenge and opportunity.
According to the most recent research from the Institute for Family Studies, the amount of time kids ages eleven to eighteen spend on digital media is clearly linked to the type of family structure in which a teen is growing up. Teens who are growing up in a single-parent home or step-family are spending just under eleven hours a day engaged with digital media. Researchers also found that teens from intact families where they live with both biological parents, are spending considerably less time per day on digital media. While you might expect that to be the case, what’s surprising and should be concerning is that kids in intact homes are still spending a whopping nine hours a day engaged with digital media. For both groups, the time online is spent gaming, texting, video chatting, shopping, and interacting with social media. Parents, we have a responsibility to teach our kids to use their time wisely. In Ephesians five sixteen we are told to make the best use of our time, because the days are evil.
At creation, God instituted the family to be the place where all human beings are born, nurtured, loved, and brought to physical, emotional, and spiritual maturity. In God’s good order and design, children will flourish best in a loving home where there is a father married to a mother. In the world of family research, this is known as an intact family. Recently, the Institute for Family Studies released a report regarding the differences in educational achievement between children from intact homes and those from non-intact homes. Researchers found that students from non-intact families have three-times the risk of suspension and double the risk of being held back a grade as those from married, biological families. This does not mean that students from non-traditional families cannot do well in school. But we are reminded that pursuing and living into God’s good design for marriage and family yields good things. Parents, commit yourself to your marriage, as the vows say, for better or for worse.
While I haven’t seen it, there is a new play about teenagers that’s gathering steam in a new York city theatre. Billed and reviewed as a coming of age comedy, the play is about a church, it’s youth pastor, and it’s youth group. Of course, as one who was a youth pastor and who now trains youth pastors, I’m interested! But it’s the title of the play that not only fuels my interest further, but which gives me pause along with cause for concern. The play is titled “Your Own Personal Exegesis.” If you’re unfamiliar with the term exegesis, it’s the task which all responsible bible scholars, preachers, teachers, youth pastors, and parents should engage in by working to understand the true meaning of a biblical text. It requires a host of tools and skills that have been passed down throughout church history. And that’s why the title concerns me. Your own personal exegesis insinuates one feels their way into the text’s meaning. And while that is happening for many, it needs to stop.
Pastor Tim Keller defines an idol as anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God. It’s anything you seek to give you what only God can give. One way to discover our own personal counterfeit gods is to see where we are spending our time and our money. One idol that’s fairly unique to our culture and times is youth sports. According to the recent state of play report from the Aspen Institute, the average family pays out eight hundred and eighty three dollars a year in one child’s primary sport per season. Families with a household income over one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year are spending over two thousand dollars on one child’s primary sport per season. All told, an estimated thirty to forty billion dollars a year is spent in the U.S. on children’s sports activities. Parents, sports are a good thing and we want our kids to exercise their abilities, but we don’t want to teach them that sports is the ultimate thing. Raise your children to worship God alone.
Your children and teens are most likely not going to like what I have to share with you today. It has to do with the proper age to put a smartphone in a child’s hands. Chances are, if your child or teen doesn’t have their own smartphone, they’re telling you that they are the last person in their school or perhaps even on the face of the earth to be living phone-less. For starters, that’s not true. In addition, our parental decision-making should not hinge on what everyone else is doing, but what it is that is wise. Let me pass on to you the recommendation of the researchers at the Institute for Family Studies: Delay giving your child a smartphone for as long as possible, until age sixteen or eighteen. Children having their own portable internet-enabled device makes it much easier to obtain social media accounts without permission, access harmful information online, and communicate with unknown adults. If you want to be able to contact your child, give them a cell phone without internet access.
What is your greatest desire for your children? Most parents summarize their desire with the word “success.” But what is success? For many, it’s a secure job, the accumulation of things, and personal safety. But the Jesus who calls us to “take up your cross and follow me” defines success differently. When asked by the teacher of the law about which commandment is most important, Jesus defined success. He said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” and “love your neighbor as yourself.” True success in life is faithfulness to God and obedience to his commands. Our desire for our kids should be that they become like Christ in all things. We must know the truth as it’s contained in God’s Word, talk about it, live it, model it, experience it, and prayerfully trust God to change our kid’s hearts and minds.
Today, I want to share some words from Rick Reed in his Salvo Magazine article on the word Pride. Reed writes, “Until 1970, the former understanding of pride as one of the seven deadly sins was regarded as a foundational moral truth. With the advent of gay pride, the word assumed a positive connotation. The semantic shift facilitated a cultural shift from moral authority to individual preference. What right reason calls sin, individual preference now celebrates with ostentation and vainglorious ornamentation. The new use of the word has become a tool for canceling centuries of moral and cultural disapproval. Reed continues, The shift paved the way for overturning long-standing law, the established and biblically founded definition of marriage, and even the definition of what a women is. Once the principal cardinal sin, pride now denies the very existence of sin, other than resistance to its prideful demands. Parents, we need to lead our kids into establishing deep roots in the Gospel.
The Westminster Shorter Catechism asks this question: “What is the chief end of man?” The answer: “To glorify God and enjoy Him forever!” The Gospel is about God in His mercy and grace doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Jesus came to rescue us from all of our sin, brokenness, and disordered desires. The Gospel creates an entirely new view of self that is not based on competing with and comparing ourselves to others. Rather, it is about salvation by grace that allows us to find our sense of worth in who we are in and through Jesus Christ. In the Gospel we find the freedom to stop indulging in practicing glory seeking for ourselves. Ultimately, vainglory is a path of destruction just it was for our first parents in Genesis 3. In their desire to “become like God,” they cut themselves off from God. Thank God that He has given us a way out of our self-serving bondage through Jesus Christ. In grateful response to God’s grace, we are to live to His glory and His glory alone.
With the NFL playoffs in full swing and the Super Bowl just a few weeks away, it’s no surprise that the already pervasive ads for online gambling are ramping up in big ways. This has been going on for a few years now, and we must be aware that our kids are being nurtured into believing that it’s normal and even right to place their bets. Pastor Philip Ryken tells us that gambling is not worth the gamble. In fact, he reminds us that gambling is a sin for several reasons. First, it denies God’s providence. God promises to provide everything we need, but he doesn’t tell us to gamble to get it. Second, gambling is bad stewardship as it jeapordizes the money God has entrusted to our care. Third, gambling is stealing in the sense that it attempts to profit from someone else’s loss. And fourth, gambling comes from coveting, as we risk losing our money in an effort to get another person’s money. Parents, talk to your kids about the addictive nature of gambling, and nurture them into Godly habits.
Recently, I was chatting with a friend about the never-ending stream of tv commercials for attorneys offering to represent marine corps vets who may be experiencing health issues as a result of time spent at one of the largest marine corp bases in the country. We got to thinking about what the next big issue might be that will be featured in future commercials of this type. My guess is that in a world where parents, schools, and medical professionals are encouraging and facilitating steps for gender transition in children and teens, it will be ads offering to represent those who regret and resent these efforts for the simple reason that they have destroyed their lives. We are now hearing a growing surge of these detransitioning stories. Last month, the high profile story of retired navy seal Chris Beck entered a new chapter, as he is now detransitioning after ten years of transitioning to female. Beck is issuing a loud message for us all: Beck wants it to stop, as these efforts are destroying young lives.
The Bible tells us about the way things in our world should be. As Christian parents raising teens trying to find their way through a world that’s broken and terribly mixed-up, we are given a responsibility to help them wade through the muck that is, by leading them into an understanding of the way things should be. In Old Testament times, God raised up prophets who were called to do just that. In today’s world, God has given our kids parents who should be doing that job. But how are we to speak prophetically into our kids’ lives? In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gives a great example. He used “You have heard it was said. . . but I tell you” statements. Jesus used this simple little formula as a way to issue a corrective to the faulty cultural messages people had heard, believed, and followed. Jesus confronted and exposed the cultural “you have heards” with his Word-centered “I tell yous.” Shed the light of God’s life-giving truth on cultural lies for your kids.
Because today’s emerging generations tend to be more socially aware than previous generations, one of the deterrents to pornography use is to show them how the pornography industry fuels sexual trafficking. Researchers at the John’s Hopkins Protection Project have identified several links between pornography and sexual trafficking. First, many of the actors are forced or coerced into performing for the camera. Second, there is a link with forced participation in prostitution. For example, underaged girls have been forced into commercialized sex as well as being photographed or video recorded. Finally, there is a forced exposure to pornography. The forced watching of pornography repeatedly breaks youthful victims down, desensitizing them to what they see while showing them what’s expected of them when they themselves perform. Help your kids say no to pornography by helping them see the connection between porn and the injustice of sexual trafficking.
One of the latest social media trends on Tik Tok, Instagram and other platforms is the posting of photos by young women showing their abs and protruding hip bones. These posts are often times accompanied with the hashtag body checking, and they feature comments from people comparing their weight and shape to that of the person who posted the photo. This new trend is known as digital body checking, which experts say is a compulsive behavior where individuals are constantly checking their weight, shape, and appearance. It is one more evidence of the growing obsession our culture puts on physical appearances, which in turn feeds a host of body dysmorphic disorders. Digital body checking is also fueling the growing and destructive trend of comparison, not only among our young girls, but among grown women as well. We need to remind ourselves and our kids that our focus should first and foremost be on developing our walk with the Lord, and pursuing spiritual maturity.
With cultural change happening so fast, the dictionary is always deleting and adding words to reflect those changes. It seems that while some words are outdated and no longer necessary, new words are popping up all the time. The folks at the Merriam Webster dictionary have announced the word of the year for 2022 is gaslighting. The term originated from the title of a 1938 movie and play about a man who was doing everything he could to make his wife think she was going crazy. The dictionary defines the word this way: the psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories that typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator. Parents, we must teach our kids to evaluate all truth claims in light of the timeless Truth of God’s Word.
Back in late November, the Balenciaga luxury fashion brand came under fire for launching a controversial ad campaign featuring young children. The campaign was put together to peddle the brand’s plush and extremely expensive handbags shaped like a teddy bear. In each of the print ads, a child of maybe four years hold is pictured holding one of the teddy bears. What caused the controversy is that the bears are wearing leather bdsm gear, bdsm standing for a range of sexual practices including bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism. An immediate public outcry led Balenciaga to pull the ads. But the fact that they were seen as appropriate in the first place shows just how far how culture has declined. For us as Christian parents, there are two immediate concerns that come to mind. We need to diligently teach God’s good design for sexuality and gender, and we need to teach our kids to pay attention to and evaluate the worldview messages put forth in advertising.
Since we’ve just come through the holiday season, all of those holiday movies that are run and re-run countless times each year are fresh in our minds. No doubt, you’ve had to sometime answer the question, “What’s your favorite holiday movie?” We have favorites in our family. We’ve watched some of them so many times that we can repeat our favorite lines from memory. This year, I got to thinking about how good we can be at reciting memorable movie or tv lines. And then I began wondering about how well – or not so well – we are at knowing, embracing, and repeating truths from the Bible. Parents, we are to be about the business of nurturing our children in the faith. Joshua’s instruction to the Israelites must be repeated to our children: The Scriptures shall not depart from your mouths, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
A recent study from Stanford University looked at and compared the brain structures of adolescents after the pandemic. What they found offers insights into what difficulty and stress can do to the human body, particularly the bodies of our developing children and teens. When compared with the assessments done on teen brains prior to the pandemic, the teen brains assessed post-pandemic appeared to be several years older. In other words, the study suggests that pandemic related stressors physically-altered brain structures, making them appear as if they had aged. This kind of brain-age acceleration is typically seen only in the brains of children who have experienced chronic adversity, such as neglect and family dysfunction. Parents, your children and teens are growing through a crucial period of life. We need to avoid piling on the pressure, and we need to point them to Jesus, who says, Come to me all you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Late last year, popular doll maker American Girl released a new book for girls. It’s titled, “A Smart Girls guide: Body Image Book: How to love yourself, live life to the fullest, and celebrate all kinds of bodies.” The book’s description tells us that every girl needs to learn to live comfortably in her own skin. The book’s message that all body types are worthy of love and respect is a much-needed pushback on a culture that glorifies model-type bodies, objectification, and the kind of pressures that have led to an epidemic of body dysmorphic disorders in our kids. But the book goes a step further and tells girls that if they haven’t yet gone through puberty and they want to make changes, they can talk to a doctor about securing medicine that delays body changes until they have more time to think about their gender identity. Parents, even in the world of play our kids are learning a narrative about gender self-determination, rather than following God’s good design of male and female.
When I was young, I thought that childhood would last forever, and, like Peter Pan, I’d always be a boy. Then I became a teenager. I realized that soon I’d be responsible for myself. This was important as my parents had already made it clear that I wasn’t going to be living in their house forever! One of the most heavy tasks of adolescence is that of making decisions regarding the future. As teens begin to focus on a vocational choice, they ask many questions: What should I do with my life? How will I learn the necessary skills? Do I need to go to college? If so, where? What will I major in? How will I get a job? Will I get a job? Will I earn enough money? Where will I live? Will I get married? The list goes on. These questions can be difficult and overwhelming as teenagers cope with all the other changes taking place in their lives. Parents must be sensitive to their teens as they face the task of searching out God’s will and deciding what to do with their lives.
When I was a little boy and visiting my grandparents, I remember my elderly grandmother walking into the kitchen one morning to announce that she had to stop eating pickles before going to bed. We all laughed a bit at her strange announcement and then she offered up some clarification. It seems that she had discovered that whenever she ate pickles late at night, she would have bad dreams. Well, to this day I’ve wondered about the validity of her cause and effect conclusions, but some new research about teens and eating before bedtime makes me think that grandmom might have been right. Using a tracking device, they found that getting less sleep corresponded with eating more calories and sugar after eight pm, nine pm, and ten pm. There are, in fact, diet-related effects causing erratic sleep. Parents, your kids need nine hours and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted sleep for healthy growth and development. Encourage them to cut off nighttime eating and snacking.
FOMO is acronym that stands for fear of missing out. The term was introduced almost twenty years ago to describe a phenomenon that experts observed on how people were using social media. FOMO includes two specific processes. First, you perceive that you risk missing out on something that would be rewarding and fun. Then second, you do something compulsive in order to maintain social connections rather than miss out on the fun. In other words, there’s a behavioral response component to FOMO. Researchers have found that this second behavioral response in the college student population often times includes engaging in illicit behaviors, including cheating on tests, illegal drug use, and committing crimes. It’s not surprising that this happens in a world void of widely held moral standards where the individual decides what’s right and wrong for themselves. Remind your kids of James four seventeen: So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
All too often I’m the guy who’s described in Proverbs 18, verses two and thirteen. I’m the fool who “finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” and the shameful fool “who answers before listening” . I’ve had to learn the hard way that when I’ve been thrust into conversations with my kids where we don’t see eye-to-eye, it’s sometimes best to bite my tongue, shut my mouth, and open my ears. We have to remember that our kids are not yet adults. Therefore, we can expect a mix of developing and not-yet-there thinking ability tainted by immaturity, impulsivity, inconsistent logic, and a lack of the kind of wisdom that comes with age and experience. Speaking quickly to point out that they have no idea what they’re talking about, to tell them that they’re wrong, and to quickly pass on the right answer. . . well, all those approaches can actually stifle communication. Listen first. And when our kids know they’ve been heard and respected, they’ll be more prone to listen to us.
Parents, here’s a challenge to adopt a new years resolution that has you bent on gaining weight. No, I’m not encouraging to go against conventional new year’s resolutions and decide to eat more so that the scale in your home goes on overload. Rather, I’m encouraging you to resolve to weigh yourself down each and every day with the life-giving good weight of ingesting more and more of God’s Word into your mind and heart. As the great J.I. Packer once wrote, “Wisdom is divinely wrought in those, and those only, who apply themselves to God’s revelation.” The Apostle Paul writes in Colossians 3:16, “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, with all wisdom.” What we need to do is soak ourselves in the Scriptures on a daily basis. As you do that, God will form and conform you more and more into His image. And, not only will you be changed, but you will be better equipped to nurture your children and teens in the faith through your words and your example.
A great amount of parental guilt has been fueled by taking the words of Proverbs 22:6 as a promise: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when is old he will not turn from it.” The first half of that Proverb includes an imperative that we must follow. The responsibility we have to nurture our children in the faith is non-negotiable. But the result mentioned in the second half isn’t a guarantee. Rather, it’s a general statement about the way things may end up. The reality is that history and the world around us are filled with examples of wonderful, committed, diligent Godly parents whose first priority in life has been to train up their children in the way they should go, only to see some of those children choose to go in the opposite direction. What we can’t forget is that ultimately, it is God’s Spirit that brings about the change in our child’s heart. We have no clue when that change may come. Our duty is to remain faithful and obedient in our calling as followers of Jesus.
In a recent guest essay in the New York Times, mobile video gaming developer William Sui reported on steps China has taken to reduce gaming addiction among kids. China has prohibited minors from playing video games on school days. China also legislated no more than an hour of video game playing or weekend and holiday nights. When kids then began flocking to livestreaming platforms to watch others play video games, China barred kids from watching livestreams after ten pm. The Chinese government refers to video games as spiritual opium because of how they harm mental health and academic study. Sui, the developer of over fifty mobile games himself, went on to say that as a developer, he knows that game addiction is by design, for the simple reason that it meant success for his business. Sui says their ultimate goal was to build habit-forming games that have players coming back every day. Parents, our calling and goal is to keep our kids from addictions of all types.
One of the most heart-breaking and difficult aspects of being a Christian parent who longs to see his kids embrace and mature in their own faith, is the rocky nature of adolescent faith. Much of their “wavering” is simply a part of the teenage territory and the process of adopting their family’s faith as their own. But maybe an even greater amount of that wavering is rooted in their humanness. . . a reality that we share with them. Let’s face it – we are all sinful and fallen people whose lives – just like the lives of so many Biblical characters – have always been marked by periods of doubt, struggle, problems, and failures. The Bible is filled with stories of rebellious human beings who were called by God to be His people, but who often stubbornly followed their own will and way. Becoming transparent with our kids about the presence of these realities in our own lives can be liberating for them. It not only allows them to see us in our full humanity and dependence on God, but it gives them permission to struggle, doubt, and sometimes fail.
Recently, several hundred parents who have at least two children between the ages of five to eighteen answered a questionnaire that helped researchers discover if there were any links between the amount of time parents spend looking at screens, and their parenting styles and practices. Researchers found that using screen time as a form of parental relaxation is tied to poor parenting. Poor parenting behaviors included only sometimes enforcing rules depending on one’s mood, yelling at your children, nagging your children about little things, and saying means things to a child to make them feel bad. In addition, parents who experience higher amounts of psychological stress tended to retreat into their screens as a way to unwind. Parents, we know that being a parent is not easy. We encounter difficult times that are sometimes overwhelming and that bring us to end of ourselves. We encourage you to lean out of your screens, and into God and His Word. Allow God to use His Word to transform you.
Have you ever thought about how and why we make the decisions we make? Every decision we make is based on some authority. Same thing goes for our kids. It’s highly likely that your kids rely unconsciously on some combination of authorities including peers, family, the media, and their feelings. While all of these authorities can lead us in the right direction and to good decisions, there is one primary authority we are called to live in conscious submission to. It’s the authority of the One who formed us, made us, and desires us to find our rightful place in life in a relationship with Him. Perhaps the greatest parental responsibility we have is to teach – through our words and example – that all of life is to be lived under the authority of God. Our own eyes, ears, and lives must be focused on Jesus, who said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me”, and on God’s revelation of Himself in the Bible. In many ways, this is the secret to a Godly life.
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, we’ve been looking all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Dr. Mack warns against hasty, knee-jerk speech. You see, a quick response is usually an unwise response. Proverbs 29:20 reads, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” James 1:19 reminds us to “be quick to hear, and slow to speak.” And the writer of Ecclesiastes warns, “Do not be quick with your mouth.” We all know from our own personal experience of speaking quickly that words spoken in haste are seldom profitable. We want to build strong relationships with our kids so that we might be able to fulfill our God-given responsibility to guide them into a God-honoring adulthood. Sure, this requires that they listen to our guidance and instruction. It also requires that we avoid all circuit jammers to communication.
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, we’re looking all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Dr. Mack warns against using cotton-candy speech. When eaten in moderation, cotton candy may not be detrimental to your health. But if it’s the main component of your diet, watch out! Cotton candy can never build a strong and healthy body. People who try to live on it will die of starvation. Dr. Mack says that many families are weak and frail because the main item on the communication menu is cotton candy speech. Conversations are superficial, lacking depth, and void of substance. Surface talk, frivolous joking, and teasing form the bulk of the family’s interactions. Because serious issues, painful and perplexing matters, and ultimate concerns are never discussed, the family relationships are shallow. Parents, what can you do to go deeper?
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, we’re looking all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.”Dr. Mack warns against the dangerous practice of using verbal manipulation. Because we are older and more experienced than our children, it’s often easy for us to enlist verbal attempt to control, manipulate, or punish our children. For example, what message are you sending to your children if you tell them, “You’ll be the death of me yet?” Or what happens when in a fit of anger we burst out with hurtful words like “I wish you had never been born.” Or what about a simple blanket statement such as “You’re just no good.” Unless you’ve been on the receiving end of verbal manipulation, you just can’t imagine how deeply it cuts and how it not only crushes our kids, but destroys our relationships. Parents, what messages are you sending to your kids?
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, I want to look all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Dr. Mack warns against adopting patterns of mind-reading speech. It’s unwholesome to speculate about another person’s thoughts or motives. We can throw a real monkey wrench into our communication with our kids when we assume and tell them what they really meant by what they said. If you’ve been the victim of someone who’s told you, “You can’t fool me. I know what you meant,” you know how quickly communication breaks down. Parents, we must consistently evaluate how we are communicating with our kids, and if we are perpetrators of mind-reading speech, we need to ask forgiveness and change our ways in order to adopt more healthy ways to listen and communicate. How well are you communicating with your teenager?
Since Christmas is next week and we’ll be gathering with family and friends, I want to look all week at what Doctor Wayne Mack calls “circuit jammers to family communication,” in his helpful book, “Your Family God’s Way.” Parents, the burden falls on us to be sure that we aren’t adopting any of these harmful communication patterns. Dr. Mack warns us against excessive negative talk. This takes place when we constantly complain, find fault, and seldom affirm or talk about the positive virtues of other people. Excessive negative talkers rarely acknowledge the good things happening in the world, the church, or their family. These verbal purveyors of gloom and doom foster a depressing atmosphere in the family. Parents, if this is the way we’re approaching our kids, don’t be surprised if your home becomes a place where heaviness, rather than happiness, prevails.
Sometimes the circumstances in our own lives and the stresses of raising and living with teens in today’s rapidly changing culture can become overwhelming, paralyzing, and detrimental to our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. When that happens, we’re not doing anyone any favors if we continue to spiral down out of control. If our normal support systems aren’t enough to carry us through, then it’s time to seek some outside help. . . maybe even some professional counseling. One or two sessions with a trained and competent Christian counselor may be enough to provide you with the guidance and support you need to get back on the right course. Perhaps long-term counseling is needed. Ask your pastor or a trusted friend to recommend a Christian counselor. Going to counseling isn’t an admission that you’re weak. A counselor can offer an unbiased perspective, and give you guidance that will lead to wholeness and healing.
It’s important that we pay special attention to any new trends that are sparked by the growing presence of smartphones and technology in today’s youth culture. One new trend has been labeled as “digital self-harm”, and it’s on the rise among our teenagers. Listen carefully to this definition of digital self-harm: “it’s a form of self-aggression that involves anonymously posting hurtful and sometimes verbally abusive remarks about one’s self online.” Kids will create anonymous social media accounts which then use to post these comments targeted at themselves. Why, you may ask, are kids doing this? According to the journal of adolescent health, teens are doing this as a mechanism to regulate and express their feelings of self-hatred and sadness, in addition to gaining attention from family and friends who will sympathize and reach out without knowing the real source of the comments. Parents, the God-shaped hole in our kids is growing, and it needs to be answered with the Gospel.
Today, I’d like to share with you something that falls under the category of parental common sense, that sadly, all too often has been overlooked. It you have a child or teen playing an organized sport you’ll want to listen carefully to what a group of researchers have reported in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. While the report tells us that enrolling kids in sports can benefit their development, parents need to avoid becoming overly critical of their kids and how they play the game. In addition, parents need to be a little less involved in the entire process. Listen to these words from the report: “Our findings suggest that excessive parental involvement can cause pressure on children who would prefer parental participation characterized by praise and understanding.” Parents, we need to teach our kids that play is meant to be fun. We need to teach our kids to use their play as an act of worship, and we need to remind ourselves of the same.
Some of us in the church believe that we’re doing a good job if we’re raising our kids like those three little monkeys on the statue. You know them – Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil. We believe that if we can somehow shield and bunker our children away from the evil influences of the world, then evil won’t be a part of their lives. This is not only a bad idea, it’s actually a theologically wrong idea. When Jesus calls his followers to be salt and light in the world, He is calling us as He prayed in John 17 on the night before his death, to be in but not of the world. To go deep in the things of God and to nurture our kids into that same deep place is to embrace the balanced lifestyle that theologian John Stott– describes as being “spiritually distinct, but not socially segregated.” One of the marks of spiritual maturity is endeavoring to maintain a redemptive presence in the world. That is, after all, the will of our Heavenly Father. Are you praying this for your kids?
One of the great lessons we need to teach our kids is that not only is the availability of an education a great privilege, but how we engage with our academics should be seen as an avenue to glorify and worship God. Loving God with our minds means that we will work hard at learning as a way to feel God’s pleasure. One way to improve learning and recall in today’s screen-saturated world is to take classroom notes the old-fashioned way. In other words, rather than tapping on laptop keys our kids can grab a notebook and pen for notetaking purposes. A recent poll found that kids who take notes by hand have greater focus in class, have a greater ability for memory and recall of content, and have higher gpa’s than those who prefer digital to analog note-taking. For those of us who learned to buckle-down and take careful notes when we were in school, chances are we remember experiencing these benefits. Parents, why not encourage your kids to try taking handwritten notes, and see what happens!
All this week we’ve been looking at the powerful role Dads play in their teen’s lives. Our kids will mess up. For some, their poor decisions will result in consequences that last a long time. Others may enter into a rebellious period that leaves you hoping and praying that like the prodigal son, they’ll return home. It’s at these times when we need to realize that loving our kids, means being committed to our kids. Teens living in today’s culture face incredible pressures. Because they are sinful human beings, they will from time to time give in. We need to continue to love them when they mess up, are unreasonable, make mistakes, and don’t deserve it. Over the years I’ve come to appreciate the great advice given by Christian psychologist Dr. John White, who himself dealt with a rebellious son. His basic rule for parenting is this: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.”
This week we’re discussing what teens need in a dad. When my son Josh was still in his preschool years, he opened my eyes to the power of my example. While riding together in the car I had to swerve and skid to avoid an accident. As we screeched to a halt and the other car went whizzing past us, Josh looked out his window in the direction of the other driver. While raising and shaking his fist, he yelled, “You Idiot!” It didn’t take long to realize where my mild-mannered little boy had learned such hostile behavior. Our kids become like us. They learn from our example. The things we do and say model who they are to become. The power of a dad’s example is captured in the old saying, “Like father, like son.” Dad’s what kind of example are you providing for your kids? And, if you want your kids to grow up to be followers of Jesus Christ, are you doing the same?
This week we’re focusing on Fathers. Sadly, the experience of many teens indicates their fathers fail to listen. Research shows that mothers are far more likely than fathers to discuss problems and have close personal talks with their teenage children. As a result, both teenage boys and girls say they feel freer to go to their mothers, rather than their fathers, to “talk about anything,” to “talk openly,” “and to “tell her my problems.” When asked to choose the most likely option out of the four choices of mother, father, close male friend, or close female friend in response to the statement “This person and I always talk openly to each other,” only four percent of teenage sons and one percent of teenage daughters chose “father.” Teenagers want desperately to talk with their dads. Psychologist Paul Tournier wrote, “Every human being needs to express himself. Through lack of opportunity for it, one may become sick.”
This week we’re talking about fathers. In his book The Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers, Ken Canfield tells Dads that the first secret to fathering effectiveness is commitment. Commitment involves much more than claiming your child as your own. This commitment requires a conscious choice to be your child’s father, along with resolving to work for your child’s benefit. Fathers who choose not to commit are opening the door for someone or something else to raise their children. In today’s youth culture, there are a variety of fathering surrogates stepping in to assume the role of Dad. It could be the television, the school system, the government, the smartphone, or your daughter’s boyfriend. If you don’t choose to father your children, someone else will. Ask God to help you do those things a dad should do for his children. Your investment in your kids will pay great dividends.
This week I want to talk about fathers. Research indicates that tonight, 40% of America’s children and teens will go to bed in a home where their father does not live. Countless millions more will go to bed in a home where their father is physically present, but emotionally or spiritually detached. Father absence is a contributing factor to virtually every social problem and pressure facing our teenagers today. An absent dad invites the presence of pain. Substance abuse, peer pressure, premarital sexual activity, depression, and suicide are just a few of the issues that are more likely to be present in a teenager’s life if Dad is out of the picture. God has created us to live in families with both a mom and a dad. As we enter into this season of gift-giving, think long and hard about giving your kids the gift of a loving and involved dad.
A recent report out of Australia should serve as a wake-up call for our need to talk to our children and teens about the dangers of vaping. The Australian anti-tobacco campaign is known as Quit, and it sponsors a Quitline phone service where those struggling with tobacco addiction can receive help and advice. One of the program’s directors, Dr. Sarah White, is reporting that the Quitline is receiving calls that are unprecedented in the program’s thirty-year history. Teenagers as young as thirteen years old are calling in for help because they are addicted to vaping. White says, “when you smoke a cigarette, you have ten or fifteen puffs, and then you stop and you throw it away. You can look at the packet and say ‘I’ve got ten left’. But with e-cigarettes we’re talking about up to twenty-four-hundred puffs per pen. So that’s two hundred and forty cigarettes., and there’s no natural stopping point.” Parents, these anti-tobacco conversations need to begin at a young age, and never end.
In a recent article on high school students and cheating, Dr. Carl Pickhardt reminds parents of our need to teach our kids that cheating is essentially lying, and that it is always wrong. You see, the data tells us that many high school students have tried cheating. They’ve copied homework. They’ve plagiarized content by copying and pasting from what they find on the internet. They bring cheat sheets into their exams and even use their smartphones to cheat and find answers. In today’s world, our kids find cheating increasingly easy to justify. After all, when you come to believe that what’s right is what works, cheating behavior is at the very least neutral. Kids justify cheating as a way to get ahead. And when we as parents push our kids to get ahead academically, we can very easily feed their cheating behaviors. Teach and model the truths of Proverbs 10:9 – People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.Help your kids to stand firm on God’s truth.
Way back in the early 1800’s, several groups of textile factory workers in England took to destroying machinery in cotton and wool mills believing that the arrival of those machines threatened their jobs. They were led by a named Ned Ludd. Very quickly, they became known as Luddites. Now, the term Luddite refers to a person who is opposed to new technology. Currently, there’s a group of teenagers in New York City who meet regularly at a local library with this rule: no smartphones. They call themselves the Luddite Club. One member, high school student Lola Shub was like many of her peers, obsessed with her phone. She was constantly snapping selfies and scrolling through social media. But when she saw the freedom a friend experienced when she ditched her smartphone, Shub did the same. She offers this advice to teens: “Spend time getting to know yourself and exploring the world around you, it’s so much more fulfilling and real than the one inside your expensive little box.”
Teddy Roosevelt once said that “comparison is the thief of joy.” These words are proven true each and every day that our kids engage in comparing themselves to others as they scroll almost endlessly through social media. If you’ve spent any time at all looking at the selfies your kids post on social media, it doesn’t take long to figure out that kids are using filters and editing software to manage their online appearance. One of the downsides of this is that when those manipulated photos are viewed by others, they are perceived to depict reality. Research indicates that this does damage to our developing children and teens. Researchers found that girls presented with manipulated photos reported lower levels of body satisfaction in comparison to girls who did not see manipulated photos. Researchers concluded that this was due to making comparisons. We need to help our kids to find their identity in who they are in Christ, and not in what they look like or how they see themselves as failing to measure up to others.
One simple way for you to track with changes in culture is to pay attention to the announcements from the dictionary companies regarding new words that are being added, and older passe words that are being removed. You see, our language reflects what’s happening in culture. For example, you might wonder what took the folks at Merriam-Webster so long to add the term Pumpkin Spice to the dictionary this fall. Nevertheless, since everything these days seems to be coming up Pumpkin Spice, I guess it’s better late then never. One new word that deserves our attention is sponcon. That’s spelled S-p-o-n-c-o-n. The world combines sponsored and content, which gives a clue to what we’re talking about here. It refers to content posted by a social media influencer that looks like a typical post, but for which the poster has been paid to advertise a product or service. This reminds us that we need to teach our kids to spot persuasive marketing efforts wherever they appear.
With Christmas just a few months away, those of us who have kids and grandkids will start receiving lists of what those kids and grandkids say they want to find under the tree. The pervasive and convincing presence of marketing lures us all, young and old alike, into thinking that if I would just have this or just have that, the vacuum cleaner of desire that lives in me will shut down and I will somehow have been made complete. Of course, most of us who are older realize the exact opposite: that the more stuff we have, the more stuff we want. Our kids need to learn that things never fill the hole in our souls that can only be filled by the presence of God in our lives. Sure, the prosperity and pleasure that makes our earthly lives easier might feel good, but they never bring us closer to God. Abraham Kuyper once wrote about the dangers that come with having too much stuff. “Comfort and ease weaken character, drain away our dependence on God, and fill us with the idolatry of self-reliance.”
Once again, it’s time for me to remind you of the importance of sleep for your kids if you desire their healthy development. A new study published in the Lancet Child and Adolescent Health journal found that for our elementary-school aged children, routinely sleeping less than nine hours a night may have a lasting negative impact on their neurocognitive development. The study tracked the sleep habits of over eight thousand nine and ten year olds. Those who regularly slept less than nine hours a night showed a smaller gray matter volume in the brain regions responsible for memory, attention, and inhibition-control. These kids also showed the negative effects of issues with memory, anxiety, depression, problem-solving, and school performance. In today’s high pressure media-saturated world, we need to be diligent about getting our kids to shut down and get enough sleep. God made our bodies to flourish when we get enough rest. Parents, make sure your kids are getting enough sleep.
One of the beautiful realities of reading God’s Word, the Bible, is to see how the Bible speaks to all of life in today’s world. Think for a minute about how our world is saturated with hyper-sexuality and all kinds of sexual temptation. There is so much of this, in fact, that our culture no longer believes in what the Bible calls sexual immorality. This makes it especially difficult for our kids to navigate the God-given gift of their sexuality to God’s glory. One passage that’s especially helpful to read and discuss with our kids is in Genesis thirty-nine, where we read about Potiphar’s wife and how she continually sought to seduce Joseph. Still, we read that Joseph was faithful and obedient to God, as he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. Pray with your kids about their sexuality. Ask the Lord to cement their hearts to his, filling their hearts with such love for him that they would resist culture’s ever-present temptations, keeping themselves and their bodies clean and holy.
When you were a kid, how did you know it was time to come to dinner? In my family, it depended on whether we were inside or outside when the dinner hour arrived. If we were outside somewhere in the yard or neighborhood, our parents would ring a bell. Most families in our neighborhood had a bell, each one with a distinctive sound. As soon we heard ours, we would hoof it home. If we were in the house, it was my dad who usually bellowed the command to come to dinner loud enough to penetrate a closed bedroom door behind which I was listening to some high volume music. A recent survey from Cricket Wireless found that nearly six in ten parents say they often text their kids to come down for dinner instead of actually talking to them. Of course, doing this is perfectly fine and quite effective. But we must be sure that when it comes to the kind of face-to-face conversations that are necessary for effective parenting , that we don’t opt to text rather than converse.
Parents, there is a movement sweeping through today’s youth culture that’s promoting anything and everything opposed to God’s good order and design for sexuality and gender. It’s known as the sex-positive movement, and it endeavors to change cultural attitudes and norms about sexuality. As it promotes countless forms of sexual expression as natural and healthy to life as a human being, it is serving to convince kids that biblical sexuality is actually sex-negative. God’s design, it is believed, constricts healthy sexuality by putting borders and boundaries on matters of sexual and gender expression. The sex-positive movement is being trumpeted to our kids through media, music, and comprehensive sex education in our schools. Nothing is out of bounds as each individual is able to decide for themselves what to do and how they choose to do it. Parents, the culture is speaking a loud and clear message to our kids. Are you countering that message with Biblical truth?
One of the accusations oftentimes made against Christians is that we are legalistic, judgmental, intolerant, and hateful. Truth be told, there are many times when we fail to be Christlike in our interactions with non-believers, and these criticisms are justified. As we raise our children to become faithful followers of Jesus Christ, we need to consciously steer them into discerning right from wrong in light of God’s Word, while also teaching them to love and care for people. We must teach them to remember that all human beings, regardless of how broken and sinful they might be, are divine image-bearers. They are not people to be hated, but sheep that are lost. Abraham Kuyper reminds us that “no matter how evil people become in life, they never lose something that is divine.” There is in all human beings an “eternal destiny planted in his or her soul.” We live in a world filled with opposition to God, to the Gospel, and to His people. Yet, we must love others as Jesus has loved us.
Over the years, you’ve heard me offer up warnings and guidelines regarding kids and screen time. A new study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry has found that children ages nine to eleven who spend a lot of time in front of a screen are at greater risk of developing a variety of behavior disorders. For example, researchers found a link between watching television and videos, playing games, and texting with what is called oppositional defiant disorder. My dad used to call that disobedience and sinful behavior. Researchers found that each additional hour of time spent on social media was linked to a sixty two percent higher prevalence of behavior disorder. These include things like shoplifting, bullying, aggression, violence, anger, irritability, defiance, and disregard for others. All of us can quickly become addicted to our smartphones, and this is especially true for our vulnerable children and teens. Parents, limit screen time and offer alternative activities.
As parents, we are given the responsibility by God to steward our children’s spiritual, emotional, and physical health. Tending to their physical health in today’s cultural setting can lead us to walking a dangerous tight-rope when it comes to monitoring and talking about their weight. On the one hand, body image pressures are huge in today’s image-conscious world. What we don’t want to do is fuel any kind of inappropriate concern about weight that is purely based on how one looks and measures up to the watching world. But that being said, we do have a responsibility to encourage healthy eating and exercise habits. Researchers at Louisiana State University are reporting that for the first time ever, more than one in five American kids is obese. It’s important to know that the data was collected before the pandemic, which was a time when kids gained even more weight. Parents, we worship and glorify God when we are conscious of making choices that keep our kids physically healthy.
If you’ve got kids in the house, you know that there are certain things that you put behind a closed door and out of reach. We take precautions by putting cleaners, solvents, and other poisonous chemicals in places where our curious young children can’t get to them. We put child-proof locks on cabinets so that our kids can’t get to things that will do them physical harm. We all know that bodily poison typically enters through the mouth. As Christian parents, we must also be aware that spiritual poison exists, and it typically enters into one’s life through the ears and the eyes. In today’s world, there’s a twenty-four seven river of spiritual poison that flows freely through television, music, social media, and the online world. This is why we must be just as diligent to set up borders and boundaries that protect our kids from spiritual poison, as we are with bodily poison. In Psalm one hundred and one, David states a resolve we must instill in our kids: I will put no unclean thing before my eyes.
One of the marks of the young generation known as Generation Z is loneliness. These are the kids born between 1997 and 2012. You would think that since they are immersed in a smartphone world where twenty-four seven connections with others are possible, they wouldn’t struggle with feeling lonely. Yet, fifty-six percent of these kids report feeling lonely once or twice a month, compared to only twenty-four percent of Baby boomers who say that they felt lonely this often during their childhood years. While there are many factors that contribute to the loneliness epidemic among Generation Z, one cause might be surprising. It seems that their smartphones are isolating them rather than connecting them, a reality that’s oftentimes described with this new word: Phoneliness. Since digital encounters can’t come close to real life interaction, we should be limiting phone use while facilitating face-to-face relationships. One great place for this to happen is in the church youth group.
Some of the most popular YouTube and TikTok videos these days feature families that pull pranks on each other. Parents will prank their kids. Kids will prank their parents. These videos are especially popular among our younger kids, who will sit and watch these videos continually. If you’re an adult who views these videos with your children, you will quickly notice that everything is staged, sometimes in ways that lead you to feel embarrassed for their creators. But the fact that millions subscribe to and watch these videos indicates that the families really don’t care what you think. They are getting followers. Because of that, these influencers are being recruited by those who have something to sell, and products are being placed in the videos, and thereby marketed to our kids. If your kids are watching these prank videos, we encourage you give them a look for yourself. Help your kids notice how they are being marketed to, and then it might be wise to simply turn them off.
There have always been distractions in the world that grab our attention, taking it away from keeping our eyes on the author and perfector of our faith, Jesus Christ. We need to not only be aware that these distractions exist, but we need to realize that the sinful bent of our own hearts is always working to move our worshipful gaze away from the one true God, so that our eyes, minds, and hearts might settle on worshipping created things. For our kids growing up in today’s world, the twenty-four seven onslaught of information, images, and distractions make it especially hard to faithfully follow Christ. We need to teach our kids the prayer of David that we read in Psalm twenty-seven four: One thing I ask of the Lord, and this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple. Pray this same prayer for yourself, asking God to forgive you for all the things you’ve chased after, in place of Him.
One of the great oversights that exists in the North American Church is regular teaching on the presence and inevitability of persecution against those who are followers of Jesus. Persecution is a reality for the majority of Christians worldwide, but because of our relative peace and well-being here we’ve come to expect that persecution won’t be something we ever face. Paul Estabrooks, who works with the persecuted church around the world, writes this: “With our hunger and thirst for righteousness comes the promise of persecution for those who take a stand for God. We have not been called to safety and comfort but to serve in the midst of conflict. Persecution is not to be strenuously avoided, for it is the result of righteous living. To avoid it, one would have to avoid living righteously.” Parents, we must prepare our kids with a proper perspective on persecution. Jesus said, “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.”
Just when we think we are making headway in the battle to keep kids from smoking, vaping, and getting addicted to Nicotine, a bevy of new nicotine products are becoming popular among our kids. A recent survey of three thousand teenagers in southern California has found that more and more teenagers are choosing to use lozenges, chewing gum, and flavored gummies that deliver nicotine to their systems. More than three percent of the students surveyed report that they have tried these oral products, and almost two percent said they had done so during the prior month. Teens are led to think these products are safer than smoking, since they are advertised and labeled as tobacco free. The draw might be related to the fact that these products are colorfully packaged and come in sugary fruit flavors. Parents, we need to warn our kids about the addictive nature of these new products, and teach them to make wise and Godly decisions regarding stewarding the health and well-being of their bodies.
Forbes Magazine recently released a summary of the findings of thirty-two studies that looked at how to parent children and teens in our current social media age. Among the findings was this: that a stricter parenting approach may be a better approach. The data suggests that parents who take more active parenting approaches results in better outcomes for their kids as opposed to those parents who take a more passive hands-off approach. The authors state that “overall, studies find that adolescents report less problematic use when parents use more parental monitoring, restrictive or active mediation, or strict internet and smartphone rules.” The research also found that when parents enlist stricter rules to limit overconsumption in the context of love and supportive dialogue, kids will spend less time using social media. This is good and encouraging news for Christian parents who take their Ephesians six responsibilities seriously, to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
It was at about this time last year that my football watching experience on television became incredibly annoying, thanks to the presence of an intruder that seemed to pop up on the screen every five or six minutes. I’m talking about all the ads for online sports betting apps. The ads have continued into all other sports, including major league baseball. I recently watched a game where the bottom right hand side of the screen featured stats related to chances that a player would knock in a run, get a hit, or strike out. As expected, more and more teenagers are getting involved in online gambling, which can be addicting. According to the national council on problem gambling, between sixty and eighty percent of high school students report having gambled for money during the past year. Presently, it’s estimated that five percent of eleven to seventeen year olds meet at least one criteria for problem gambling. The Bible warns us against the dangers of desiring and accumulating wealth.
After he became a grandfather and then a great-grandfather, my dad would oftentimes look at me and say, “I’m so glad that I’m not raising kids in today’s world.” My dad recognized that while he didn’t raise his own kids in a perfect world, the culture was changing and morphing over the course of his life. He recognized that his grand children and great-grand children were growing up in a world where kids were facing new challenges, difficult choices, increased pressures, and hard to navigate problems. But my dad also realized that God is with parents, guiding them and providing all they need as they raise kids in this changing world. Parents, don’t throw up your hands in exasperation and frustration. Perhaps some of the best advice for parenting in today’s world comes from the late J.I. Packer who said, “If you ask, Why is this happening?, no light may come. But if you ask, How am I to glorify God now?, there will always be an answer. Parents, embrace your high calling and opportunity!
Parents, what will your children choose as a career? I remember wondering that about each of my four kids from the moment they were born. You have probably done the same. A new survey found that seventy-five percent of today’s parents say they already know what their child will be when they grow up. At the top of the list are careers in the science, technology, and engineering fields. After that comes careers in healthcare, and jobs in the food industry. It seems that these choices have been made largely due to trends in the job market, along with a desire for children to have a high-paying career. While it would be easy for Christian parents to pursue these same goals for our kids, there is a better way. Our goal should be to first and foremost encourage our kids to discover and develop their unique God-given gifts and abilities. Monetary success should not be a prime motivator. And then, we must teach them that whatever they do, they should do it to the glory of God.
Parents, are you aware that each and every minute of every day your kids are choosing to live into some kind of story? In today’s world, the most pervasive and compelling story our kids choose to follow is that story which is laid out in the cultural narrative. This story comes to them through social media, music, film, education, the peer group, and more, teaching them who to be, what to believe, and how to live in the world. Because they are growing and changing, our children and teens are especially vulnerable to believing this cultural narrative. And, most likely, if they are believing it now, they will believe it for the rest of their lives. Missiologist Leslie Newbigin offers this corrective: “If the Biblical story does not control our thinking, then we will be swept into the story that the world tells about itself.” Parents, the apostle Paul makes it clear in Ephesians 6:4 that our great duty is to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Are you telling the Biblical story?
Recently, our friend Chris Martin, author of the book “Terms of Service: The Real Cost of Social Media”, said that our kids are spending so much time online, that social media is likely the greatest force of discipleship among the teens in our homes and churches. He offers these three suggestions on how to reclaim our God-given roles as those called to disciple our kids. First, we have to be willing to change our own habits. The average social media user spends about two and a half hours a day on social media. That’s not just our kids. That’s adults as well. Make sure you deal with your own bad habits before you address those of your kids. Second, we need to emphasize the importance of living life off-line. We must teach them that the best life is away from social media feeds and screens. Kids who experience this for the first time know it to be true. And finally, we must model what it means to be the embodied church. We need to involve our kids in all aspects of our church life, including corporate worship.
It’s been my experience that research findings often confirm what we’ve known to be true through observation, intuition, and common sense. That’s certainly the case with a new study entitled “When Do Adolescents Feel Loved?” that’s been published in the journal, Emotion. The study tells us that in parent teen relationships there are daily fluctuations in feeling loved. Any parent and former teen knows this to be true. But according to the study, how we choose to communicate and resolve conflict can either strengthen or weaken our relationship with our kids. It’s not at all surprising that being warm and supportive can take the sting out of conflict. As I read the study’s results, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the instructions the Apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Nurturing children in the faith with supportive discipline is our imperative.
Over the past few years, we’ve been tracking with the latest research on the effects of sports-related impacts to the head in an effort to help you make wise decisions regarding your child’s participation in youth sports. Our friends at the Concussion Legacy Foundation in Boston are providing the most helpful data and resources, and we encourage you to visit their website to learn more. They have developed a growing database of research on how blows to the head can result in what is called Chronic Traumatic Encephelopathy, or CTE. One new study has found conclusive evidence that repetitive head impacts do, in fact, cause CTE. Parents and coaches are encouraged to exercise caution and diligence, perhaps even keep kids out of activities like youth football until eighth grade. A recommendation has been made to create child protection efforts like we have for lead, mercury, sunburns, and smoking. Parents, please don’t ignore the evidence, and steward your child’s health.
Last month, Pittsburgh Pirates’ second basemen Rodolfo Castro slid into third base. What’s the big deal with that? After all, major league baseball players slide into bases during every game. This slide caught the attention of everyone for the simple fact that during his slide, his smartphone went flying out of his back pocket. The video is a bit funny as the third base umpire points to the phone, informing the surprised Castro that it had fallen out of his pocket. Castro picked up the phone, handed it to his third base coach, and went on playing like nothing unusual had happened. Shortly thereafter, Major League Baseball suspended Castro one game for violating the electronic device policy. This incident serves to remind us just how tethered we are to our devices and how much we depend on them throughout the course of our daily lives. We need to be careful that we don’t become addicted to our devices, turning them into idols. Teach your kids to balance the use of these helpful tools.
Parents, how much time and money did you give away last year? And what are you teaching your kids about tithing? In the Old Testament, we learn that we are to give ten percent of our property, produce, and income to the Lord and his work. All throughout church history and up until today, tithing is rightly emphasized as a way to faithfully steward that which God has entrusted to us as we not only fund God’s work, but are reminded that all we have is ultimately not our own. There are no reliable statistics on how much our teenagers are giving away. What we do know is that as part of our responsibility to nurture the faith of our kids, we need to teach them to handle their resources responsibly. A good rule for us to follow and to teach our kids is the rule my dad instilled in our family. The first tenth of everything you make is to be given to the Lord’s work. If you can, give more. The second tenth goes into savings, and with the rest you live. Teach your kids principles of Biblical stewardship.
Over the course of the summer, I made it a point to pay special attention to when and where children and teens are locked in on their smartphones during their daily comings and goings. In my own neighborhood alone, I saw kids walking up and down the street with their heads down and eyes focused on their phones. I saw one girl riding her bike and doing the same. I noticed a couple of teenage boys cutting the family lawn, and stopping every couple of passes to reach down into their pocket, grab their phone, and check out what they might have been missing. None of this was really surprising as the folks at Pew Research Center are now reporting that nearly half of American teens say they use the internet almost constantly. In fact, the number has increased from twenty-four percent back in 2015, to forty-six percent this year. As Paul tells the Ephesians, we must teach our kids to look carefully at how they walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time.
Here at CPYU, we are continually reminding you that youth culture is both a map and a mirror. As a mirror, cultural artifacts reveal the current beliefs that are shaping the behaviors of our children and teens. When you watch and listen to the music, movies, and everything else, you’ll gain a clearer sense of our culture’s ideological bent. As a map, what our kids interact with in today’s youth culture shapes their beliefs and behaviors about how to live in the world. This is why it’s important for you to know that this fall, Marvel will be introducing it’s first gay Spiderman as the latest variant in the Spiderman universe. Parents, as those called to nurture our children and teens into a lifetime of living out God’s will and way for his grand and glorious gift of sex and gender, we need to talk with our kids about how the cultural message on sex and gender does or does not mesh with what we are told in Scripture. These are conversations we must be having, as God will use them to shape our kids for life.
Forbes magazine recently ran an article about teens with a headline that really grabbed my attention. The headline read, “Is there science behind why teens wear hoodies in summer heat?” Perhaps you, like me, often find yourself scratching your head and wondering why that kid over there is wearing a sweatshirt on a ninety-five degree day. Meterologist Marshall Shepherd decided to look into this and posits that there are some obvious reasons for the summer hoodies. They protect the skin from sun damage, guard against bug bites, have pockets to carry things, and cover the bodies of those who have body image concerns. In addition, some research suggests that hoodies provide the same kind of emotional comfort those struggling with anxiety often find in weighted blankets. Perhaps summer hoodies are a reminder of our need to lay off pressuring our kids too much, while reminding them of a God whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light for those who cast their cares on Jesus Christ.
Because we are facing the challenge of raising kids in a world increasingly filled with digital technology and social media apps, it’s important that parents focus on teaching their growing, vulnerable, and easily influenced children and teens how to navigate these platforms and tools to the glory of God. Last month, the highly popular Snapchat social media platform, released a new feature designed to help parents monitor their teen’s snapchat use for the purpose of insuring their health and safety. Parents can use the new “Family Center” feature to gain access to their teen’s friends list, to see who their teen has communicated with over the last seven days, and info on the new friend the teen has connected with through the app. With over twenty million North American teens using the Snapchat app, parents should opt in to the Family Center feature. God has given us the responsibility to train our kids to live to His glory. This is one more way to make that happen.
I’m guessing that by now you’ve already seen the viral video of the moving sequence of events that took place last month in a Little League baseball game after a 12-year-old player was hit in the head by a pitch thrown by another 12-year-old. Oklahoma Little Leaguer Isaiah Jarvis was batting when the errant pitch from Pearland, Texas pitcher Kaiden Shelton hit him in the head, knocking him to the ground. After being tended to and cleared to go to first base, Jarvis saw that Shelton was visibly upset with himself and was crying on the mound. Jarvis called time, walked to the mound, embraced the pitcher, and told him, “Hey, you’re doing great.” Afterward, Jarvis said this: “When I saw him getting emotional , I was just trying to be like Jesus and comfort him and really let him know I was ok. I just wanted to make sure he was okay too.” Wow! Sometimes it takes a child to remind us of what it means to seek first the Kingdom of God, and to bring glory to Him in all we do.
If you’ve ever looked back at your high school yearbook, you’ve realized just how much the beloved hair and clothing styles you embraced then, look horribly out of style now. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are. Looking back with a “what was I thinking” response is common to us all. Over the course of last summer, this reality fueled a TikTok video trend that went viral which is known as the Teenage Dirtbag trend. Celebrities along with hundreds of thousands of TikTokers have posted videos featuring embarrassing and awkward pictures of themselves during their teenage years, all of it over a sound-track featuring a sped-up version of the song “Teenage Dirtbag” by the band Wheatus. The reality is that this is a relatively harmless viral trend that is self-deprecating. But it also reveals how the cycle of styles going from in to out has really sped up. Parents, we can use this an opportunity to focus our kids on developing their spiritual character, rather than trying to impress others.
From time to time I share with you some of the cultural lies our children and teens are being encouraged to believe. One such lie is this: Life in this world is more important than the afterlife. Dr. Michael Kruger tells us that some in the church are now teaching kids to turn away from eternal matters to focus solely on earthly matters. We are told, “Don’t worry yourself with what happens after death. Nobody really knows anyway. All that really matters is helping the poor, feeding the hungry, and eliminating human suffering.” It is true, of course, that Jesus has instructed his followers to care for others. But we are not to address human suffering as an act of moralism. Rather, we do so in response to the grace show to us on the cross of Jesus Christ, a grace that rescues us from sin, and leaves us to live our lives to God’s glory in light of our eternal salvation. The now and the forever are not mutually exclusive according to the Scriptures. Teach your kids the truth about living to God’s glory!
The American Heart Association has released a new scientific statement regarding the dangers related to adolescents using the increasingly popular electronic cigarettes. Scanning the tobacco racks behind the cash register at your local quick mart offers ample evidence of just how popular e-cigarettes have become. The latest research evidence suggests that the use of these products has adverse health effecst that will accrue over time, leading our kids to an increased risk of cardiovascular and pulmonary disease over the course of their lives. The Association's scientific statement notes that although most new users of e-cigarettes have never smoked combustible cigarettes, adolescents who begin vaping now may become life-long nicotine or tobacco users and it is currently unknown what diseases may develop over a lifetime of vaping. Parents, it’s never to early to have the conversation regarding God’s call to stewardship of our bodies, and the dangers of smoking of any kind.
Even when they might show and tell you otherwise, the reality is that our kids have been made for a relationship with God and are always searching for redemption. They might not consciously know it, but they are always hungry for heaven as they endeavor to find meaning and purpose. That’s the case for all humans. Recently, this was made clear in an art exhibition held in a German museum. While the exhibition didn’t promote Christianity, its art offered a smorgasbord of other spiritual options for visitors. Our kids are on a spiritual search. In today’s world, the options they can choose are many. Penn State professor Dr. Jeffrey Tolbert says, “Because of the globalizing potential of the internet, people have access to belief traditions that were not easily accessible to them before.” As a result, our kids now have the option to combine the traditions that appeal to them personally. Parents, this serves as a reminder to teach and ground our kids in the life-giving truths of God’s Word.
Are you paying attention to the lies that are creeping in to the church? New Testament scholar and culture-watcher Dr. Michael Kruger points out that one of the most widespread of these false ideas says that Christians should care more about love and less about sex. This is one of the lies that our kids are hearing, believing, and living out the most these days. Kruger says, “From a rhetorical perspective, such language is quite effective. After all, it tells people what they really want to hear – you have all the sexual freedom you desire and, at the same time, you’re a good person who is all about love. It’s a complete win win. You can maintain any questionable sexual activity even as you congratulate yourself on your moral superiority.” One of the most alarming outcomes of this way of thinking is that when we as parents and youth workers speak about God’s glorious design for sexuality, we are seen as mean-spirited and cruel. Teach your kids that we are to care about both love and sex.
Due to the fact that online gaming is a relatively recent phenomenon, research into the effects of online gaming on children and teens is still in its infancy. But experts are now suggesting that anecdotal evidence points to a thirty to forty percent increase in cases of aggressive behavior by children addicted to online games. Granted, the evidence is purely anecdotal, but we shouldn’t dismiss it for that reason. Rather, we should sit up and take notice. Experts believe that the addictive nature of mobile-phone and computer screens feeds the pull into online gaming, and is gradually effecting not only cognitive abilities, but aggressive tendencies. Dr. Ameeta Watak says this: “Online gaming addiction has led to a lack of focus and concentration, which has further resulted in a huge upsurge of restlessness, leading to aggression and bullying among adolescents.” Parents, it’s not that online gaming is a bad thing. Rather, we need to limit time so that it does not become an idol that destroys our kids.
In his classic must-read book, “Knowing God”, the late theologian J.I. Packer gives some advice to all Christians that I believe is especially appropriate for parents. As moms and dads committed to leading our kids into a vibrant and genuine life-long faith in Jesus Christ, we should take Packer’s guidance to heart. Packer says that the secret to a God-honoring and Christian life is to take six core truths about the faith and say them over and over to ourselves first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and any time our minds are free. Here they are. First, I am a child of God. Second, God is my father. Third, Heaven is my home. Fourth, Every day is one day nearer. Fifth, My savior is my brother. And sixth, every Christian is my brother too. Repeating these six truths will ground us as parents in our Christian faith. But in an effort to ground our kids as they grow up in a culture that blows their minds and hearts to and fro, we should be saying them out lout with our kids as well.
Our kids are growing up in a world that is frustrated with institutional religion. In fact, one of the primary targets of this frustration is the Christian Church. This frustration is justified when expressed in response to pastors and other leaders who abuse their power. In first Peter five, Peter tells elders that they are to shepherd the flock of God, not domineering over those in your charge, but by being examples to the flock. This needs to be said in a world where there are so many providing bad church leadership. But as Dr. Michael Kruger says, bad leadership is not solved by having no leadership. Instead, bad leadership is to be replaced with godly, gentle, Christ-centered leadership. We need to look for and get involved in a healthy church where this kind of humble leadership is exercised. We don’t want our kids souring on the church because they see and experience bad leadership. We want them to see, hear, and experience the Gospel message of God’s saving grace in Jesus Christ.
Abigail Shrier is the author of the book Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing our Daughters. She is a left-leaning journalist who is deeply concerned about how our kids are being recruited and indoctrinated into the LGBTQ ideology. She recently shared the content from leaked documents and audio recordings from the California Teachers Association Conference billed as the “2021 LGBTQ+ Issues Conference: Beyond the binary: Identity and Imagining Possibilties.”Teachers attended workshops that encouraged them to have the courage to create a safe environment that fosters bravery to explore sexual orientation, gender identity and expression. In her report, Shier says that teachers were advised on best practices to subvert parents, conservative communities and school principals on issues of gender identity and sexual orientation. Parents, take the time to know what your local school is teaching students, and teach your kids God’s design for sex and gender.
One of the mantras we increasingly hear from Christian kids and young adults is this: I like Jesus but I don’t like the church. Dr. Michael Kruger tells us that a growing number of pastors, youth pastors, and parents affirm this notion when they teach kids that meeting actual needs is more important than maintaining institutions. We would all agree that the church is not perfect simply because it is made up of individuals, all of whom wrestle with their own sin and brokenness. But the reality is that the bible tells us that the church is still the glorious and wonderful bride of Christ, dearly loved by Him and cleansed by His blood. When we forget this, we come to believe that the church is purely horizontal in purpose. That we should be about feeding the hungry, befriending the lonely, loving the enemy, and feeding the sick. These things are part of the church. But our kids need to learn that what is primary is the vertical nature of the church, that it exists to bring glory and praise to God as it proclaims his truth.
I recently sat with a small group of a dozen adults who shared the stories of growing up in a home without a father. In each case, the adult shared the negative consequences and difficulties of navigating growing up without a dad. I thought about these conversations when I read a report entitled “Rebalancing Children First”, which was produced by the American Enterprise Institute and the Brookings Institution in an effort to study the challenges and opportunities facing children ages 12 and under in America. The report identifies four home environment factors that are most associated with favorable outcomes for children. First, there are two parents who are committed to one another through marriage. Second, there is a stable home life. Third, there are sufficient economic resources. And fourth, the children are welcomed by parents who actively desire to learn how to parent. God established the family at creation. Let’s glorify God by treasuring our spouses and children.
Theologians correctly teach us that in order to be a true Church, a local church should be marked by three things: the faithful preaching of God’s Word; the administration of the sacraments, and church discipline. It seems that the last of the three – church discipline – is increasingly ignored in today’s world. Dr. Michael Kruger tells us that this push to eliminate church discipline is rooted in the growing belief that when it comes to the Christian faith, pastors, youth pastors, and parents should encourage our kids to engage in a personal search, rather than teaching kids that while following Jesus does involve a process of questioning and exploring, there will be times when shepherds are needed to pull them back in if they are wandering. Church discipline and even parental discipline in the home is for our good. If we lose our way, we need to be gracefully and lovingly corrected so that we might repent of any sinful practices and be brought restored. We need the church and its accountability!
In today’s world, our kids are being taught that they can and should make their own decisions about what to believe based on how they feel and what works for them at any given moment in time. Dr. Michael Kruger says that one concerning way that this is evidenced in the church today is that we have now come to believe that inviting questions is more valuable than supplying answers. A growing number of pastors, youth workers, and parents are enlisting this approach with kids, encouraging them to embark on a journey of spiritual self-discovery rather than teaching them that the Bible says much about what is right and wrong. This approach undermines Biblical truth and leads kids to doubt and even dismiss the certainty of Christianity. Our kids need to learn that we all have things that we are certain about. But those certainties need to be built on the foundation of God’s Word. This is where Jesus stood. He said to His Father, “Your word is truth.”
Our kids are growing up in a world where they’re told to live by a variety of popular mantras, including things like “You do you” and “just follow your heart.” The reality is that these messages ring loudly in our kids ears, convincing even those kids who claim to follow Jesus to give into their own desires rather than to God’s will. In Matthew 16:24 and 25 we read these words: Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and takeup his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” These words from Jesus are so counter-cultural that many walk away from Jesus and wind up choosing to live their lives under their own direction and to their own glory. They come to believe that in order to live their best version of themselves they should live ins submission to the trinity of me, myself, and I. Parents, we need to teach our kids that their best self is a denied self. Teach this through your words and example.
I was recently chatting with some youth workers about the changes they are seeing in how their teenaged students form identity. They were lamenting the fact that kids are leaning less and less into God’s will and way for discovering what it means to be human, while choosing their identities based on their own personal preferences and feelings. The youth workers said they fear what lies ahead for these kids and identity formation because of augmented reality, or AR, technologies. Writer Robin Philiips says that AR simply enhances and optimizes the real world by providing users with an experience that blends the real physical world with the virtual world. Technology company Phiar is developing glasses that blend the physical and digital worlds to reach its mission of changing the way users perceive and navigate the world, forever. Parents, be aware of this developing technology as we need to protect our kids from dangerous forms of escape from finding their identity in Christ.
At the end of John Gunther’s classic 1949 book, Death Be Not Proud, about the death of his 17-year-old son Johnny from a brain tumor, Johnny’s mom offered a few pages of her thoughts regarding her son’s death. Her words hit me hard as they remind me that my children are a gift from God. She writes, “Today, when I see parents impatient or tired or bored with their children, I wish I could say to them, But they are alive, think of the wonder of that! They may be a care and a burden, but think, they are alive! You can touch them – what a miracle! You don’t have to hold back sudden tears when you see just a headline about the Yale-Harvard game because you know your boy will never see the Yale-Harvard game, never see the house in Paris he was born in, never bring home his girl, and you will not hand down your jewels to his bride and will have no grandchildren to play with and spoil. Your sons and daughters are alive. Think of that- not dead but alive! Exult and sing.”
In his instructions to his understudy Timothy, the apostle Paul says this: Keep a watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. These words remind us of the need to be sure that we are taking the time to ground our beliefs in the truths and doctrines we find in God’s Word. New Testament professor Michael Kruger tells us that in today’s world, many in the church are leaning away from right doctrine, and emphasizing the priority of right behaviors. Kruger says that this idea sells well in today’s world, as people who care about theology are seen as divisive, narrow, dogmatic, and even mean. Consequently, all we need to do is be kind to people. But behavior is always downstream from our beliefs. We need to believe correctly in order to behave correctly. Parents, I can think of very few more important reasons to consistently engage in teaching your children and teens the truths of God’s word. Teach your kids God’s Word.
How many Americans say they believe in God? The Gallup organization recently released the results of their Values and Beliefs poll and found that the vast majority of adults in the U.S. believe in God. Currently, the number stands at eighty-one percent. That’s down six points from the eighty seven percent who said they believed in God just five years earlier, in 2017. Gallup first asked this question in 1944, when ninety-eight percent of Americans said they believed in God. On the one hand, we should be concerned about this drop. But lest we think that this majority can allow us to become lazy in terms of nurturing our kids in the Christian faith, think again. We have to ask who or what this God Americans believe in really is. Many believe in a self-defined God rather than the God who has revealed himself in the Bible. Parents, take the time to regularly talk about and nurture your kids in the faith. Prepare them for an adulthood filled with vibrant faith and trust in God for their salvation.
In the past you’ve heard me mention what is called Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. Simply stated, Rapid onset gender dysphoria is spreading as an identity option among the population of teens and young teens as a result of the influence of peers and social media. Of course, when we teach the traditional biblical view on gender we teach that God created human beings on the gender binary, as either male of female. Sadly, our culture sees God’s order and design as outdated and constricting. A group of French medical professionals has released this statement: Parents addressing their children’s questions about transgender identity or associated distress should remain vigilant regarding the addictive role of excessive engagement with social media, which is both harmful to the psychological development of young people and is responsible for a very significant part of the growing sense of gender incongruence. Parents, teach your kids to embrace and live into God’s good design for their bodies.
Are you feeling burdened, tired, and just plain worn out from the rat race that your life has become? I’m hearing more and more parents say that life has become crazy with running around here, there, and everywhere. During one recent conversation with a Christian parent, these words from musician Phil Keaggy’s four-decade old song “A Time and a Place” came to mind. Listen to Keaggy’s take on the words of Jesus in Matthew six: “Said the robin to the sparrow, I would really like to know why these anxious human beings rush about and worry so. Said the sparrow to the robin, friend, I think that it must be that they have no heavenly father such as cares for you and me.” If you’re like most parents, you feel the need to slow down. Perhaps you and I can start the process by re-thinking our purpose in life as stated by the Puritan preacher, Richard Baxter: What have we our time and strength for, but to lay both out for God? What is a candle made for, but to be burnt?”
The human body is absolutely amazing. The more I read the unfolding body of research on the complexity of how the body grows and develops, the more I am driven to give glory to God as the Creator. By God’s design, everything in our bodies is integrated. That’s why it’s important for parents to guide their children and teens into healthy eating and nutrition habits. Registered dietician Jillian Kubala reminds us that from puberty through early adulthood, the body is in a stage of rapid growth. Proper growth and development happens when teens receive a steady supply of calories and nutrients on a consistent daily basis. She says that if teens don’t take in adequate calories and nutrients, they can experience health complications like stunted growth, delayed puberty, menstrual irregularities, and other conditions. Mood and energy levels are affected, along with athletic and academic performance. Parents, study up on healthy nutrition, and steward your teens bodies to the glory of God.
In Proverbs 14:12 we read these words of wisdom and truth: There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Whenever I read this verse I am reminded of my need to ground myself in the truths of God’s Word, and then think and act rightly in accordance with God’s will. New Testament scholar Michael Kruger tells us that in today’s world many in the church believe and teach that the work of reconciliation should be valued over making judgements. Our current cultural moment affirms this belief, making it very attractive to our Christian kids. And while God does have much to say about how we human beings relate to other humans, this notion leads us to believe that we should never point out that someone else’s behavior is wrong. Parents, teach your kids that we do need to operate with grace, patience, and a spirit of love. But we cannot abandon God’s clear teaching that some things need to be declared right and other things need to be declared wrong.
Move forward cautiously. That’s good advice as we blaze new trails on what’s been called “The Digital Frontier.” I can’t help but think about the wise words of Marshall McLuhan, spoken decades before the smartphone, about technology and its effects on us as human beings: “We become what we behold. We shape our tools and then our tools shape us.”Yet even though these words prove more and more prophetically accurate with each passing day, we simply keep walking forward without making any adjustments that might result in more healthy use of the technological tools with which we’ve been gifted. When will we listen? I know from my work that an endless parade of parents are scratching their heads in dismay, wondering what it is that’s happened to their kids and their family relationships because they chose not to engage in reflective thinking before putting those smartphones and other screens into the hands of their kids. It’s not too late to change course!
Where will your kids land in terms of the vocations they choose when they enter adulthood? These days I’m looking at my young grandchildren and wondering the same about them. How has God uniquely gifted them? What are their interests and abilities? No matter what vocation they choose, one essential lesson we must instill in them while they are still young is this: all work matters to God. I love these words from theologian Abraham Kuyper: "Wherever man may stand, whatever he may do, to whatever he may apply his hand, in agriculture, in commerce, and in industry, or his mind, in the world of art, and science, he is, in whatsoever it may be, constantly standing before the face of his God, he is employed in the service of his God, he has strictly to obey his God, and above all, he has to aim at the glory of his God." Parents, teach your kids that we image God when we engage in our work. Teach them that all work is a form of worship, and that we are to bring glory to God.
What should we tell our kids about pornography? In a recent article on the Defend Young Minds website, Gabe Deem listed the three things he wants to teach his kids about porn. Gabe was first exposed to porn at age eight. By age twenty-three he reached a point where he was addicted to and dependent on pornography in ways that I will not mention here. He is committed to teaching his son these three things about what pornography does to us. First, pornography can harm you physically. He goes on to offer evidence regarding pornography’s negative effects on both the brain structure and the body. Second, pornography can harm you mentally. When he finally broke free from his addiction, Deem says he experienced a variety of benefits, including improved concentration and memory. And third, pornography can harm you emotionally, including leading to depression. Parents, God is the creator of his good gift of sexuality. But God’s enemy wants to undo it all, and porn is one way he does it.
In Matthew chapter 24, Jesus tells his disciples, “see that no one leads you astray.” He tells them that many false prophets will arise to lead many astray. In today’s world, we must heed this warning as many in the church are promoting false teachings that both we and our kids might easily come to believe. New Testament scholar Michael Kruger tells us that one of the most insidious and destructive lies we are being taught is that as Christians, it is more important for us to affirm people’s potential rather than reminding them of their brokenness. Of course, parents need to encourage their kids to live up to their potential by developing their gifts and abilities. But we cannot fail to teach them that they are sinners in need of salvation. If we don’t, we discount the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross to rescue us from our sin. We need to regularly remind our kids that, as the Apostle Paul says, Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. This includes you, me, and our kids.
In Ephesians 4:14, the Apostle Paul tells us that we are no longer to be like children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning. In essence, Paul is warning us to deepen our understanding of the truths of God’s Word so that we might not be led astray by false teaching. New Testament scholar Michael Kruger warns us that in today’s world, many in the church are believing the false teaching which says that Jesus is a model for how we should live, rather than an object for our worship. This way of thinking is leading many of our kids into believing that Jesus is only one of many moral teachers we can follow, rather than truly God and truly man. We need to teach our kids that yes, Jesus is a moral example and he has called us to come and follow. But Jesus also has divine authority and He is both our Lord and our Savior. Teach your kids that Jesus’ moral teaching only works when we worship him as Lord.
Binge drinking is defined as consuming five or more drinks in two-hour period for men, or four or more drinks in a two-hour period for women. Adults who binge drink are at greater risk for increased violence, accidental injuries and death, impaired memory, increased risk for heart disease, and other chronic conditions. Less is known about the effects of binge-drinking on the brains of adolescents. Researchers at the University of Buffalo have published a study that’s found that even low and moderate levels of alcohol consumption can significantly impact the brain function of adolescents. The study found that all levels of alcohol consumption — low, moderate and high — decreased blood glucose metabolism in the primary somatosensory cortex and visual cortex, which are key to processing sensory and visual information, as well as executing motor functions. We need to watch over our kids and warn them about the physical, legal, and spiritual issues related to alcohol consumption.
Earlier this summer, a television station in Des Moines, Iowa ran a report about how unruly parents were causing issues for umpires at youth baseball games. It seems that over the course of one weekend in June, umpires had to eject seventeen parents from baseball games for heckling and other bad behavior. In order to combat this, Central Iowa Sports, the organization that runs the league, instituted a strict no-tolerance policy. The following weekend, Central Iowa Sports reported that the new policy worked, as only two parents had to be ejected from the games. This story is not unusual, nor is the deplorable behavior of parents limited to Central Iowa. Increasingly we hear these reports from just about everywhere. Parents, sports are meant to be played. Play is meant to be fun. Negative sideline behavior ruins it for everyone, including our kids, who not only feel greater pressure, but learn these bad behaviors. We are to glorify God in all things, including our spectating.
Last May, the day after the horrific school shooting took place in Uvalde, Texas, social media lit up with a back and forth that shows just how divided we are as a nation. I got to thinking about the best place to respond, as we must, to the tragedies that take place in our world. I truly believe that the evil in our world which rattles us to the core must be discussed and acted upon. The Gospel demands it. But it’s wise to choose where we discuss how we should act and respond. The great temptation is always to jump online to social media and to engage in what’s called virtue signaling and performative allyship. All too often, conversations that should be had one-on-one and face-to-face are taking place through sound bytes thrown around online. Alan Jacobs once wrote, The internet is a mugger that demands an immediate response. We need to show personal restraint while teaching our kids that the most constructive conversations in difficult times will take place off line.
I want to tell you about some fathers and what they did last fall after twenty-three students at a local Shreveport, Louisiana high school were arrested over a three-day span for fighting on campus. A group of parents met after the incidents to form a strategy for combatting violence at the school. After meeting for four hours, the group came up with a plan. Some fathers decided to go to the school to walk around and patrol the hallways, showing a strong and caring male presence at the school. One of the organizers of this Dads on Duty group says this: ‘I don’t care how old you are or what size you are, it’s something about seeing a man, a positive male figure, a father, your daddy whatever you want to call them, at the school. It will make you straighten up and fly right.” These dads have become like cool uncles to the students, and there haven’t been any fights on campus since they started. Adults, God gives us great opportunities to meet the needs in our communities. Why not get involved?
All this week we’ve been looking at five lessons from the persecuted church regarding how God uses problems and persecutions for our good and His glory. These are lessons that we must teach our kids as they grow up in a youth culture that’s increasingly set against the Gospel and God’s people. Today’s lesson is this: God uses problems and persecution to perfect you. Paul writes these words in Romans five: “we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Paul Estabrooks from the Open Doors USA ministry reminds us that problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. Our kids need to learn that God is more concerned with our character than our comfort. Christianity can cost us our earthly lives. But at the end, the outcome is eternal life.
All this week we’re looking at five lessons from the persecuted church regarding how God uses problems and persecutions for our good and His glory. These are lessons that we must teach our kids as they grow up in a youth culture that’s increasingly set against the Gospel and God’s people. Today’s lesson is this: God uses problems and persecutions to protect you. While this might sound completely ridiculous and counter-intuitive, it is true. One great example comes from the story of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis fifty. Joseph recognizes that being sold into slavery was a blessing. He tells his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Paul Estabrooks from the Open Doors USA ministry to the persecuted church reminds us of this truth we must teach ours kids when he writes, “A problem can be a blessing in disguise when it keeps us from being harmed by something more serious.”
All this week we’re looking at five lessons from the persecuted church regarding how God uses problems and persecutions for our good and His glory. These are lessons that we must teach our kids as they grow up in a youth culture that’s increasingly set against the Gospel and God’s people. Today’s lesson is this: God uses problems and persecutions to correct us. If you are like me, you know that there are some lessons that are learned only through pain and failure. The Psalmist makes this clear in the words of Psalm one-hundred-nineteen, verse seventy one: “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” Paul Estabrooks from the Open Doors USA ministry to the persecuted church writes this: “John seventeen clearly teaches that God does not desire to have His church in the comforts of a problem-free society. He desires for His church to be faithful in the midst of trials and testing.” Teach your kids to welcome life’s difficulties as God’s pathway into a deeper faith.
All this week we’re looking at five lessons from the persecuted church regarding how God uses problems and persecutions for our good and His glory. These are lessons that we must teach our kids as they grow up in a youth culture that’s increasingly set against the Gospel and God’s people. Today’s lesson is this: God uses problems and persecution as a means to inspect us. In the first chapter of the book of James, we read this: “Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Paul Estrabrooks from the Open Doors USA ministry to the persecuted church tells us that people are like tea bags. If you want to know what’s inside them, just drop them into hot water! We need to teach our kids to pay attention to themselves when their faith is being tested with a problem. Our problems pull back the curtain on who we really are. Teach your kids to welcome trials as a way to grow in their faith in Jesus Christ.
One of the most important lessons we can teach our children and teens as they grow up in today’s post-Christian culture is a theology of what it means to suffer well. I’ve been reading insights on suffering from the Open Doors ministry to the global persecuted church. This week, I want to share Open Doors’ five ways that God uses problems and persecution in our lives. These are lessons we must share with our kids. First, we must teach them that God uses problems and persecution to direct us. Proverbs 20:30 says, “Blows that wound cleanse away evil. Strokes make clean the innermost parts.” Members of the global persecuted church have learned that sometimes God must light a fire under us to get us moving in His direction. We must teach our kids that problems and pressures often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Our kids need to learn that the life of a disciple of Jesus Christ is a difficult life. We need to teach and prepare our kids to suffer well.
I was recently at a social gathering where I sat across the table from a teenager and an adult who were having a conversation. I paid special attention to the non-verbal ways in which the older man and the young man were communicating. I was focusing on this aspect of their conversation because of some research I had recently read which reported that adolescents spend twelve percent less time looking at the face of the person they are speaking to, than do adults ages twenty to forty. The researchers said these findings are important because interpreting facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures are all important communication cues. Now before you conclude that this research proves that our kids don’t, in fact, listen to us, you need to remember that our teenagers are in process. There are insecurities and still-developing communication skills that combine to contribute to some nervousness. Remember, your kids are listening and its important to never think otherwise.
How do we help our kids discern good from evil in a world where increasingly we see what used to be called vices embraced as virtues, and things that used to be virtues seen as vices? We are living in a world once described by cultural critic Gene Veith as a world where the only sin, is to believe in sin. As parents, we must begin by teaching our kids the truths of God’s Word. We must help them look carefully at God’s borders and boundaries for our lives so that they might live into worshiping and glorifying him by following his way and will for their lives. Second, we must teach them how culture twists our understanding of sin. In his book Knowing Sin, Mark Jones says this: "In our temptations, Satan wants us to call evil good and good evil (Isaiah 5:20). He clothes sin with the appearance of virtue. Greed is 'saving,' lust is 'love,' abortion is 'self-care,' drunkenness is 'medication,' and laziness is 'rest.'" Let’s help our kids see all of life through the truth of God’s Word.
As Christian parents, we are called to responsibly steward God’s good gift of our children. We are to tend to their spiritual nurture, their physical health, and their mental health. Our parenting is to bring glory to God as we raise our children to glorify God over and above pursuing the idols of our times. One of those idols is the idol of organized sport. While organized sports are a good thing, they can become an ultimate thing, or idol. One way that organized sports become unhealthy is when we push our kids into focusing and specializing in just one sport, rather than allowing them to play more widely. Researchers tell us that allowing our kids to specialize in sports early carries the risks of higher injury rates, increased psychological stress and anxiety, and a tendency to burn-out at a young age. In addition, heavy sports specialization requires a large amount of time, including Sunday mornings. Parents, prioritize your child’s spiritual growth and development.
The Bible teaches us that we live in a fallen and broken world. Sin manifests itself everywhere and in every way. One of the most disturbing types of sin facilitated by today’s technology is online predatory behavior. While there’s conflicting evidence on who is most at risk, the research indicates that kids ages twelve to fifteen are most at risk, with girls being more frequently victimized than our boys. If your child withdraws and becomes secretive around a device by hiding the screen or clicking suddenly out of windows when you walk into a room, it might be time to ask questions about their online activities, and to begin to monitor what they are doing online with a greater amount of care and frequency. Predators know how to make vulnerable children and teens feel special, important, attractive, and worthwhile. Be aware of the dangers that exist online, and love your kids by carefully monitoring their online time.You are protecting them from harm and providing for their wellbeing.
Our kids are growing up in a world where it is believed that to love someone is to affirm them in whatever they desire or pursue. But this is not love at all. As Christians, Jesus tells us that we are to love one another as he has loved us. Parents, consider these words about this kind of love from Elisabeth Elliot: “The love of Jesus was unsentimental. As a man, he fully entered into the disciples’ experience of being men, with all the feelings that entails, yet His love for them was not a feeling. It was decisive, both as attitude and act. He honored their dignity as men by treating them with trust, speaking honestly and straightforwardly, never tiptoeing to spare their weaker feelings, never concealing his own thoughts. At times, he hurt them to serve them. There was no care for himself in that kind of love. He had the courage to face their anger and misunderstanding.” Parents, love your kids enough to tell them the truth!
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’ve been sharing provocative quotes that can trigger conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from theologian Albert Wolters: “We are to be billboards of the Gospel in the extraordinary ordinariness of our lives.” Wolters reminds us that the Christian faith is not just a Sunday morning venture. Rather, our faith is to inform every nook and cranny and every square inch of life. The Gospel should inform and shape the way they play, the way they study, and the way they engage with others. Are they learning what it means to glorify God by being a good and faithful employee? If they are musicians, are you instructing them how to sing or play to the glory of God. How we live will either bring glory to God, or to the kingdom of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Point your kids in the right direction.
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from Tim Keller: “Anything that is functionally more important to you than God is an idol. Anything you love more than God – even a good thing like a spouse or a child or social cause – is a false God. Until you can identify your idols you cannot understand yourself. Until you turn from them you can’t know and walk with God.” Parents, our culture throws all kinds of idols at our kids. Idols demand time, attention, and allegiance. But they never can fill the hole in the soul that can only be filled by the one true God. Talk with your kids about the idols that compete for their hearts. Expose their lies and share stories of how you’ve been manipulated and hurt by idols. Teach them to worship only the almighty God!
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from Walter Trobisch: “God accepts us as we are, but when he accepts us, we must not remain as we are.” Sadly, there are many who believe that being a Christian is something that starts with a prayer to accept Christ, and then involves little or nothing else after. The reality is that when Jesus calls us to come and follow we are launching into a lifetime of transformation, where we allow the Gospel to change and transform us in every nook and cranny of life. Parents, we must take the time to show and tell our kids about what it means to be a disciple of Jesus as an outpouring of thanksgiving for the gift of salvation. Take time to search the Scriptures with your kids, learning what it means to live for Christ.
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from the great theologian, John Stott: “Whenever a work of God is prospering, we can expect opposition to arise.” Because we live in a world where the forces of darkness are battling the forces of light, those of us who are endeavoring to follow Jesus will inevitably run into opposition that’s intended to weaken us, make us doubt, trip us up, and ultimately convince us to forsake our faith. Brainstorm with your kids on what shape this spiritual opposition might take. Share your own experiences with doubt and difficulty. Then, offer advice on how to prepare for spiritual difficulties. Finally, read God’s word together regularly. Immersing our kids in the truth prepares them to follow Jesus.
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from Rico Tice: “We are the choices that we make.” That’s a reality that all of us should ponder, embrace, and act upon. Share the quote, and then ask family members to think of two examples of how a choice has influenced the direction of their lives. First, think of a good choice that has led into positive spiritual growth. Then, think of a choice that wound up having negative or disastrous consequences. Then, take the time to consider how to make good choices. What are some steps that the Bible tells us will lead to making good choice? Are there traps that we must avoid? With so many voices calling for our allegiance, help your kids hear the life-giving voice of Jesus as guides us into making good choices.
One of our great spiritual forefathers, the reformer Martin Luther, stood up for truth and did so without regard to the cost it might bring. Luther knew that ultimate truth was found in God’s Word. Throughout history, followers of Jesus Christ have studied and followed God’s Word knowing that it is the only reliable guide for all matters of faith and life. In today’s world where our kids are led to believe that truth is up for grabs and even personally determined, parents need to teach their kids to study, trust, and follow God’s unchanging Word. Luther’s words regarding God’s word are good words for us to heed as parents. Luther writes, “No greater mischief can happen to a Christian people, than to have God’s word taken from them, or falsified, so that they no longer have it pure and clear.” Parents, since you are primarily responsible for the spiritual growth and nurture of you kids, don’t engage in the mischief of keeping your kids from hearing God’s life-giving Word.
“When should I talk to my kids about sex?” That’s a question I hear all the time. Usually, the parent asking the question is hoping for an answer on the higher end of the number scale. . . like “when they turn 18.” Not a good idea in a world that says to children and teens of all ages, “When it comes to your sexuality, go ahead and do whatever you want, with whomever you want, whereveryou want, whenever you want and however you want.” This “choice is yours” way of looking at sexuality is not what they need to hear, but it is what they’re hearing. The sex education our kids so desperately need is one that leads them to understand that God created sex to be experienced within the bounds of His plan. Parents, God has given you the responsibility to nurture them in the faith as it relates to all of life. And the good news is that the research points to the fact that teenagers want to learn about sexuality from their parents. . . not from smartphones or friends! Are you teaching your kids?
I recently read some interesting and even concerning data regarding kids and sports from Project Play at the Aspen Institute. According to a 2019 survey, the average child today spends less than three years playing a sport, then quits at age eleven. There are a variety of reasons for this. Two of the main reasons are economics and relationships. On the economic side, youth sports are just getting way too expensive for many families to afford, especially those that are low-income families. For other kids, it’s the pressure to perform and excel that comes from parents and coaches, oftentimes through yelling and poor sideline behavior. One physical activity that did pick up during the pandemic was bike riding, which used to be a daily occurrence for kids. Twelve percent of parents said their child tried riding a bicycle for the first time during the pandemic. Parents, we need to pull back on the pressure and teach our kids that sports are to be played, and that play is to be fun.
I sometimes think there are only three basic postures we can assume as we approach the task of parenting teens. The first posture is what I call the “Unrealistic Optimist.” This is the parent who ho-hums over the teen years, assuming that adolescence is a short-lived life-stage that even though it’s filled with ups and downs, is better left alone. Why? Because kids will weather it and emerge from it ok. The second posture is what I call the “Alarmist Pessimist.” This is the parent who demonizes the teenage years and adolescent culture. Believing that there’s nothing good or redeemable about adolescence or youth culture, they shield their kids from the pressures and realities of life during the teen years. Here’s a better posture option: Biblical Realism. It’s a posture that looks realistically at life, parenting, and adolescence through the eyes of God’s Word. It’s a posture that gives us great opportunities to interact with our kids now while teaching them how to live life to God’s glory.
Just like we used to hear from our parents and grandparents when we were kids, today’s kids hear us talking about how things have changed since the old days. Of course, many changes are good. But some changes actually undermine our human flourishing. Perhaps you’ve heard yourself telling your kids about your childhood and what is now called “free play.” It was those self-organized afterschool and weekend pickup games in driveways and backyards among the neighborhood kids, all void of an adult presence. Experts tell us that free play helps kids build skills in cooperation and problem-solving. Free play encourages physical fitness. It builds resilience as kids have to navigate arguments, failures, and poor sportsmanship. Parents, we want our kids to learn how to get along with others, ultimately in ways that evidence the fruit of the spirit. Perhaps we need to peel back on our tendency to over-schedule our kids in organized sports, and allow them to get outside to play with each other.
Recently, I was talking to a friend who is a baby-boomer like myself, about the great undeserved blessing we’ve had to be born when we were born into the place in which we’ve been born. Somehow and in some way, we’ve been spared poverty and great difficulty. Neither of us had to go to war, and we’ve had more than enough in terms of food, shelter, and opportunity. But rather than settle in to a life of comfort, we both quickly realized that because we have been blessed, we can easily fall into living very self-centered and entitled lives. We realized that if we aren’t mindful of these things, we would become the rich people who find it hard, as Jesus said, to inherit the Kingdom of heaven. How then shall we live as a people blessed beyond measure. All of us, our kids included, need to heed the words of Richard Baxter: “Every man must render to God the things that are God’s , and that, let it be remembered, is all he is and all he possesses.” Parents, we are called to whole-life discipleship.
As followers of Jesus, we must trust God’s Word as the spotlight that shines truth on our understanding of gender. God, the Creator of all things, pronounced everything He created as “good!” But when He finished creating humans He said “very good!’ And what He pronounced as “very good!” was male and female, the binary genders He designed and assigned, male and female only, that are both fully human and equal in dignity and value. This is the way things are supposed to be. Jesus affirms this when He says, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female?” God desires that we never allow our feelings to dictate and misshape our understanding of truth. The enemy wants us to question God’s design. We need to submit our feelings and desires to God’s Word. Don’t ever forget, God in His goodness has created and given us each our gender, which is indicated by our anatomy, either male or female.
According to the latest research, it’s not just time that we’re spending so that at our kids can play organized sports. We’re also spending money. . . lots of money! Researchers have found that the average annual family spending on just one child for just one organized sport is nine-hundred-and-three dollars! Multiply that number by the number of kids who are playing and the number of sports they play, and it can be overwhelming. For example, a family with three children who play two sports each will spend almost ten thousand dollars annually on organized sports! While the spirit of the times encourages this type of involvement and spending, we must step back and look at the bigger picture through the lens of God’s Word, asking if this is truly responsible stewardship of our time and money. I once heard someone say, you tell me who and what you’re spending your money on, and I’ll tell you who or what your God is. Parents, is your commitment to organized sports crossing the line into too much?
One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn as a parent of teens is to stop my tendency to think for my kids. I have a tendency to jump in, tell them how it is, issue an instruction or dictate, and then expect my kids to follow. When our kids are in the process of developing their ability to think for themselves, the best thing we can do is to think along with them. It’s important for us to continue to offer structure, guidance, direction, advice, and explanations, but we also need to give our kids the freedom to learn how to make good decisions on their own. If we continue to do all the thinking for our kids we will only be raising adults who have difficulty making important choices. When they’re children, we think for them. As they move into adolescence, we think with them, tempering their decisions by modeling and talking about choices that bring honor and glory to God. We want them to grow up to competently think for themselves in responsible, God-honoring ways.
In the story of Noah, a righteous man who walked blamelessly with God, we see God’s grief over humankind’s sin. And while God chooses to cleanse the earth through a flood, he also chooses to make a covenant with humanity to never again destroy the earth through a flood. The mark of this gracious promise is the rainbow. As a sign of God’s promise of grace, the rainbow should point us to exhibit a response of humble gratitude marked by obedience to God’s will and way for our lives, rather than a pride-filled life where we follow our own will and way for our lives. In today’s world, the image of the rainbow is used as a symbol of pride. Sadly, this steals the rainbow away from what it was originally established to symbolize. This month, whenever you see a rainbow, in the sky, on a flag, wherever, don’t think of it as a sign of human pride and autonomy, but as a sign of humility and dependence on God, who has offered up his own son to redeem us from our sin and pride.
Since this is Pride month, I’ve spent this week sharing some words of wisdom from HarvestUSA’s John Freeman, on how to remain faithful when others embrace lgbtq+ theology. John tells us to Bathe everything in prayer. Pray for those who disagree with you. Prayer both softens our hearts and allows us to seek the best in and for those who we love. You may feel incapable of doing anything about what others believe—or believe about you. However, we can pour out all of our troubles, fears, confusion, and hopes at the throne of grace, as well as gain the courage to boldly persevere. Remain grounded in the Word yourself and seek the support of others. You are vulnerable to outside voices tempting you to give in, but the best remedy for standing firm for the long haul is to remain in God’s Word, continually steeping yourself in his perspective and truth. We always need to be reminded of the truths of Scripture, and we need the help of others who will walk with us on this journey.
Since this is Pride month, I’m spending this week sharing some words of wisdom from HarvestUSA’s John Freeman, on how to remain faithful when others embrace lgbtq+ theology. John tells us to remember that these are spiritual issues. Ephesians chapter six reminds us that there are often forces, behind the scenes, invested in keeping those we love in confusion and error. Ultimately, only God can address the spiritual issues of family and friends’ blindness and rebellion. If you constantly feel pressured to change others’ views or make them see the light, you will likely end up frustrated and perhaps even begin to question your own beliefs. Those who walk in blindness need what Tim Keller calls a “self quake” and a “God quake.” God is the one who must intervene to change hearts. The gospel is the greatest need for those who pursue sexuality on their own terms—along with those who agree with them and buy into worldly sexuality. Thanks, John, for this helpful advice.
Since this is Pride month, I’m spending this week sharing some words of wisdom from HarvestUSA’s John Freeman, on how to remain faithful when others embrace lgbtq+ theology. John tells us to Embrace the hurt and suffering that come with being misunderstood or seen as the bad guy. Even though you may attempt to engage with humility, understanding, and sincerity, you may still experience real, ongoing pain and heartache. When we see family or friends pursuing a destructive path contrary to God’s will and his Word, we often feel powerless and hopeless. John has found that many Christians who eventually adopt the mentality of “gay is okay with me and with God” usually do so because they simply feel worn down and want to be thought well of by others. You may feel like you are alone in a desert, barely holding your own with your beliefs about God’s Word—but know that Jesus is with you. He too was in those desert places as he obeyed the Father and stood on Scripture.
Since this is Pride month, I’m spending this week sharing some words of wisdom from HarvestUSA’s John Freeman, on how to remain faithful when others embrace lgbtq+ theology. John tells us to be sure to engage others and ask good questions. As others voice their disagreement with you, realize that all worldviews stem from past experiences, wounds, and powerful emotions wrapped around sinful and twisted hearts. While we cannot correct others’ views and convictions, which is the work of the Holy Spirit, we can try to better understand them by diving more into their story, who they are, and why they believe what they believe. This usually happens through genuine listening and asking good questions, which often helps people drop their defenses, leading to more productive, non-combative conversations. Also, consider sharing your testimony, particularly highlighting your need of God’s grace. Thanks john, for helping us love others while remaining firm in God’s Word.
Since this is Pride month, I’d like to spend this week sharing some words of wisdom from HarvestUSA’s John Freeman, on how to remain faithful when others embrace lgbtq+ theology. John tells us to expect misunderstanding and persecution. Our culture’s man-centered theology is based on the heart’s desires, where there are no absolutes and everything is relative. When we take a contrary position, we become a threat and affront to others. Nowhere is this more evident today than in the debate about sexuality and the Bible. Believing that God speaks clearly and authoritatively about sex and sexuality is supposedly bigoted, unloving, and socially incorrect. You may be viewed as the problem or the enemy. Don’t let that shipwreck you! Expecting these responses and believing on Scripture’s reliability guards you from dismay when people react against your lack of approval or enthusiasm. Thank you John, for these words of wisdom and for helping us remain firm in God’s word.
The concept of expressive individualism in one that all parents should be aware of, as expressive individualism is a pervasive ideology in today’s world that’s guiding the beliefs and behaviors of our children and teens. Perhaps a better way of saying it is that this ideology is mis-shaping our kids away from who God desires them to be. In a recent article in the 9marks journal, Abigail Dodds explains expressive individualism as holding that each person’s core self is an inner psychological self based on inner feelings and desires that ought to be lived out and expressed. Dodds offers three suggestions about raising children in the midst of this ideology. First, help your kids see that who they are is discernable and given to them by God. It’s not a matter of personal choice. Second, help them to see that they need to focus their thoughts and actions on God and his will. Finally, help them to trust the external reality of God and his Word as the guide for life, rather than their own personal feelings.
One of our great responsibilities as Christian parents is to teach our children to pray and how to pray as they journey through life. As you know, there is much to navigate in today’s youth culture. I’ve found this prayer from the martyred sixteenth century reformer John Bradford to be a great prayer to teach. “Jesus, life is a pilgrimage. I came from the Lord and I will return to the Lord. I may pass through dangerous places. O Christ, be my guide. Take me in your hand. Open my eyes. Make your highways known to me. Put up some fences to keep me safe. You are the way, the truth, and the life. Lead me to the Father. Let me be one with him the way you and God are together one. Amen.” John Bradford’s prayer is a beautiful and wise prayer not only for our kids, but for us as well. We need to learn how to navigate the challenges that life throws in our way as the enemy endeavors to trip us up as we seek to follow and serve Jesus Christ. Parents, pray regularly for and with your children!
Do you remember your first crush? I was thinking about my own middle school years when I recently heard a pop music star ruminate on how enjoyable those initial feelings of infatuation really are. For me, infatuation left me feeling almost like I had butterflies in my stomach. And even though I didn’t spend time talking to the object of my affections, I would catch a glimpse of her in the hallway and feel those emotions. Fortunately, getting older set me straight as I realized that those initial feelings of infatuation eventually wear off. Infatuation is not love. Rather, I learned that love is a decision and commitment that binds one to another, even when the positive feelings disappear. The Scriptures from Genesis to Revelation teach us that love is a commitment that might from time to time include some positive feelings. It’s no wonder that romance and commitment fizzle so quickly in today’s culture. What are you showing and telling kids about real love?
I grew up in a day and age where commercials and ads trumpeting the joys of smoking tobacco were everywhere. News broadcasts and television shows often included the camera catching the smoky haze of cigarettes smoldering in ash trays or from a smoker’s exhale. It wasn’t until 1966 that the surgeon general’s warnings first appeared on cigarette packages. In 1970, cigarette commercials were banned from tv and radio. Smoking was banned on domestic flights in 1988. We’ve come to understand that smoking is both addictive and dangerous. The latest numbers on teens and smoking from the annual Monitoring the Future Survey found that youth cigarette smoking dropped to record lows, with 4.1% of high school seniors reporting cigarette use in the past month. But vaping rates continue to be high, with almost 1 out of five high school seniors reporting vaping nicotine in the last month. Parents, educate your kids to the dangers of smoking and vaping.
With the average age of first-time smartphone ownership now hovering around the ages of ten, eleven, and twelve, we need to realize that this has opened a pandora’s box of earlier and earlier pornography exposure among kids. And, in today’s world the pornography these young kids see is oftentimes violent and extreme. In an article in Salvo magazine, writer Nicole King tells us correctly, that delaying exposure to smart devices will shelter and benefit our kids’ minds. King offers these three common-sense solutions to parents. First, there is no reason for a parent to put a smartphone into the hands of a child that young. Second, if your child has friends who have smartphones, it’s a good idea to start having conversations about sex, gender, and pornography at younger ages. Don’t wait. And third, make it a habit of getting your kids away from screens of all kinds for long periods of time. Engage with your kids in enjoyable activities away from any and all screens. Parents, be wise.
I recently ran across a bit of very interesting research regarding the effects of regularly reading to a child in the home. Researchers at the University of South Australia found that early primary-aged children who had suffered abuse or neglect would actually develop resilience if they were being read to at home. Researchers report that while reading to children at home has always been associated with school readiness and better scholastic outcomes, this is the first study to show how reading serves to mitigate some of the detrimental trajectories of childhood maltreatment. This research reminds us that all of us should be reading to our children, even from the time they are born. Reading allows us to spend time with them, to educate them, and to prepare them to read on their own. Reading is also an important element in Christian education. We recommend that you start by regularly reading aloud from Sally Lloyd Jones’ Jesus Storybook Bible. What a great way to spend time with your kids!
I recently read some survey data that caused me to pause and ponder a couple of lessons we need to teach our kids about human dignity and friendship. The survey looked specifically about what we American’s think about our pet dogs. I love dogs. In fact, I’ve had six different dogs over the course of my life. But could we love our dogs too much? For example, four in five dog owners say they pamper their dogs as much as possible. We give them treats, walks, loving touch, and toys. All of that’s fine. But here’s where it gets interesting. Eighty-three percent of dog-owners who have children agree that taking care of their dogs is equally as important as taking care of their child. Sixty-nine percent of dog owners consider their dog their best friend. First, I wonder if we’ve forgotten that at Creation, God created human beings in his image as the crowning point of creation. We are above animals. And second, need to do a better job as learning how to befriend others.
Perhaps like me, you too are concerned about the current trend, particularly among young people, of what is called deconstruction. If you are unfamiliar with deconstruction, it is the process where someone questions the doctrinal tenets of Christianity that they were raised to believe. Many wind up walking away from Christianity, while others lean into what’s called progressive Christianity, which looks nothing at all like traditional biblical Christianity. Alicia Childers offers helpful advice on how to respond if one of your children begins to deconstruct. Begin by letting them know that you continue to love and accept them. Engage in discussion by asking questions and then listening carefully. Alicia says we should avoid reacting in fear, which might lead us to fire back with rigid statements and dogma. Journey with them to find answers. Read up on theology and apologetics so that you will be better prepared to give answers. Finally, faithfully pray for your kids.
For quite some time now, there’s been debate raging over the prevalence and treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety, and other mental health concerns among children and teens. Are these issues being misidentified and overdiagnosed? Should medications be prescribed and how do we avoid overprescription of these drugs? These are all important questions that many parents are working to navigate. One reality that is undeniable is that new a study has found that many are dying from overdosing on these medications. In 2019, benzodiazepines like Xanax and stimulants like Adderall accounted for more than sixteen hundred deaths combined. Researchers are saying that doctors and parents need to be careful about prescribing and having kids take these drugs. Parents, we suggest that you secure a Christian counselor who is qualified and experienced with these issues. Seek medical advice from those who take a more conservative approach on medications.
“Papa. Are Zombies real?” That’s a question my young grandson asked me after seeing a TV commercial for a movie about these mythological undead corpses we’re told walk the earth. While I assured him that “No, Zombies are not real”, new research from Onepoll reports that seven in ten American parents are worried that their children are in fact turning into internet zombies as a result of the growing amount of time their kids are spending online. Two in three also believe that their child’s overall behavior has changed as a result of spending increased time online. Parents, your kids are growing up as digital natives in a world where they will never be without screens and technology. Because Jesus is the Lord of all of life, doesn’t it make sense that we make a continued effort to disciple our kids into using technology in ways that advance rather than undermine human flourishing? Limit and monitor their online time. Teach them to honor the Lord in all things, including their use of technology.
Today we conclude our week-long look at Dr. Ted Tripps wonderful advice to parents regarding the common communication pitfalls that all too often characterize our communication with our teens. Dr. Tripp reminds us of a very helpful approach when he says that we should major on the majors, not the minors. Parents tend to focus on matters of taste and style. For example, teens want to dress in their own way. For the most part, we need to let them do that. And, we must carefully choose our battles. We need to focus on things that have moral significance, where Biblical truths are at stake. For example, many of us grew up in a day and age where we valued beards and long hair. Today it’s shaved heads and goatees. Is that an ethical or moral issue. No? Each generation wants to distinguish itself from the prior generation. Don’t get lost in debates over taste and style that don’t have long-term moral or ethical significance. Remember, major on the majors. Not the minors.
Today we continue our look at Dr. Ted Tripp’s great advice for parents, regarding the common communication pitfalls we so often fall into with our teens. Dr. Tripp reminds us that reckless words are extremely harmful, not only to our communication, but to our relationships with our kids. The book of Proverbs tells us that reckless words wound like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Dr. Tripp tells the story of visiting with a couple one night in their home. Their daughter came down the stairs dressed like a streetwalker. The father snarled, “Where do you think you’re going dressed like that? You look like a slut!” She said, “I’m going out.” And she went out the door. The dad turned back to continue his polite conversation. Should the dad have been concerned? Yes. He had to say and do something. But his words were reckless and destructive. That father didn’t speak with the wise tongue that brings healing. Parents, do you use reckless words with your kids?
Today we continue our look at Dr. Ted Tripp’s warning to parents about common communication pitfalls in dealing with our teens. Dr. Tripp advises us to assume a posture of influential parenting instead of a posture of authoritarian parenting. Authoritarianism is not the proper exercise of authority, but of being over rough. It’s the approach of saying things like “I’ll stay one step ahead of you. You can’t get away with anything with me.” Dr. Tripp says that instead of becoming a bigger authority, we should seek to come alongside our teens to become a bigger positive influence. We need to be someone who has their ear, who shows them love, who helps them to succeed in the things they want to accomplish, and who gains the right to speak to them. Parents, we want our teens to value our influence and to seek out our opinions on important life matters. In the years from infancy to adulthood, our authority decreases. But with the right approach, our influence will only increase, and that’s a good thing.
All this week we’re looking at some great advice from Dr. Ted Tripp regarding common communication pitfalls that we all too often resort to using with our teens. Dr. Tripp warns parents against the pitfall of disengaging. This is one of the biggest problems facing Christian families today. Too many Christian parents give up trying to be a nurturing influence in their teens’ lives. They limit their engagement to giving curfews and consequences. The kids wind up being influenced more by their peers, than by their parents. Dr. Tripp says that parents sometimes think, They don’t care about me and what I think. One word from me and they go in the other direction anyway. Instead of being in the thick of the battle in the most important time for teens, parents give up on trying to have any influence on them at all. Parents, do not disengage. Your teens need your Godly wisdom, advice, and presence now more than ever. Be sure to give them the gift of engagement.
As the father of four children, I’m painfully aware of how difficult it can be to communicate effectively with our teenagers. Where they’re at in the developmental stage can lead to an awkwardness that brings out our worst responses. All this week we’re going to look at what Dr. Ted Tripp calls common pitfalls in dealing with teens. Dr. Tripp warns against assuming the spy versus spy mentality in our communication. This happens when parents and teens play a cat and mouse game, where the teen tries to get away with as much as possible, while the parent’s mission is to catch them. Dr. Tripp tells about one mother who hid in the bushes in front of a friend’s house to see if her daughter was secretly meeting with a banned boyfriend. Not only was that not happening, but the daughter caught the mother in the bushes. This spy versus spy approach is a negative response that does nothing to build trust or facilitate positive, God- honoring communication patterns with our teens.
Parents, what are you teaching your kids through the ways that you use your smartphones and social media? Researchers at the University of Central Florida have discovered some interesting trends. For example, parents who love posting lots of pictures of their children on social media have more of a friend-like parenting style. They tend to be more permissive as parents, including allowing their children to interact with smartphones and social media at younger ages. These parents also frequently post pictures of their kids which are accessible for anyone to see. Experts say that this raises many privacy and safety concerns. Rarely do these parents ask their child for permission to post these photos. Researchers also note that permissive parenting has been linked to problematic internet usage among children. Parents, you are your child’s parent and not your child’s friend. Be wise, be careful, and use social media to the glory of God alone. Your example is an investment in your child’s future.
Culture is catechizing our kids twenty-four seven into beliefs about all matters of life, including sexuality and gender. We know that whoever speaks to a child first on these matters has set the bar for truth. That’s why we want to make you aware of something troubling that happened on a Sunday morning in a Lutheran church in Chicago. On Instagram, the Advocate reports that an openly affirming gay member of the staff dressed in drag and had the children come to the front of the sanctuary where he read a children’s story and then led the kids in prayer. His theme was joy, and he told congregation, “I figured I would put on a dress as many who have inspired me have done. I decided to follow their example, showing that liberation from oppressive laws clears a path for joy.” Parents, are you actively teaching God’s design for sex and gender? True freedom and human flourishing come only by living into God’s will and way for those he has created. Teach your kids the truth!
One of the great oversights of the western church in recent times has been the failure to teach a biblical theology of suffering. Our kids need to learn that to enter into a relationship with Christ is also an entrance into sharing in the sufferings of Christ. Here are some helpful words to teach your kids from the great theologian, Dr. John Stott: God uses suffering in pursuance of his purpose to make us holy, in other words, Christlike suffering fosters perseverance and purifies faith, and it deepens insight. Biblical teaching and personal experience thus combine to teach that suffering is the path to holiness or maturity. There is always an indefinable something about people who have suffered. They have a fragrance that others lack. They exhibit the meekness and gentleness of Christ. I sometimes wonder if the real test of our hunger for holiness is our willingness to experience any degree of suffering if only God will thereby make us holy." Teach your kids to rejoice in their sufferings.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve found YouTube to be a very helpful resource as I try to figure out how fix things around the house. In recent weeks I’ve used YouTube to help me change out the carburetor in my weed whacker, to change a bathroom faucet cartridge, and to remove the front bumper on our car. What would we do without YouTube?!? But just as we are able to gain good guidance from YouTube, it’s also a place that can steer us in the wrong direction, particularly in terms of our spiritual growth and development. According to the latest media survey from Common Sense Media, our kids say that if they were forced to choose, YouTube is the site they wouldn’t want to live without. Parents, we need to be aware that just as we can find answers to our home fix it questions on YouTube, our kids are going there and finding answers to what gives meaning and purpose to their lives. Limit and monitor their time. Talk about what they’re seeing. And teach them the life-giving truths of the Gospel.
What will the kids you know and love see as the end or purpose of work? Why will they choose to pursue the job and career path they choose to pursue? Will their goals be economic in ways that make the old Loverboy song “Working For the Weekend” their personal anthem? Or will they push back on the empty promises and dead-end of what’s known as “The American Dream?” If we truly believe that the Gospel speaks to all of life and that Christian nurture leads to the integration of faith into our work, then we need to be pointing our kids to something better than what the culture is currently giving them. In a recent edition of First Things magazine, professor Max Torres writes about the Christian view of work: “The investment of the person into productive products is of transcendent, transformative importance, not just for the material progress of society, but most of all for the full realization of human potential.” We’ve been made to work to God’s glory.
Once again I want to issue a warning regarding our teenagers of driving age. We must never forget that they are inexperienced drivers. Consequently, we need to be warning them to take precautions regarding the known risks to teenage safety behind the wheel. A new study from the American Automobile Association outlines the three most common driving mistakes that teenagers make when they are behind the wheel. Because driving is an act of worship, remind your kids to avoid these mistakes so that they might not only drive safely, but bring glory to God. First, warn them against speeding. Second, remind them to avoid distracted driving. This happens most often when there are other people in the car, and/or when they are focused on their phones. Finally, remind them to keep their eyes scanning the road for risks and hazards. Too many teens get tunnel vision while they are driving. Driving is a privilege. Help your kids keep themselves and others safe on the road.
In her book, Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers, Leslie Leyland Fields writes about our need to enter into the sufferings of others. . . sufferings that we may never have experienced ourselves and therefore have little ability to understand. In effect, it’s about taking the time to listen to the other person’s story, to show them grace, and to forgive them for acting out of their pain in ways that just might be hurting us. Yes, Fields is writing about doing this with our parents. But I think her challenge is also one that we need to hear and heed in our churches, schools, and neighborhoods with those kids whose brokenness leads to the types of disruptive behavior that make waves in the neat and easy little worlds for which we yearn. What would happen if we would pray for hearts that are sensitive to the most broken of kids and their sufferings? No, we don’t want to excuse or write off immoral or bad behavior. But we do want to love the disruptive kids as Christ loves them.
The official journal of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons is called Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. In the April issue of the journal, researchers report on a study that found that the selfies we snap don’t offer us an accurate perception of our facial features. For example, the length of one’s chin decreases in our selfie photos, while our noses appear larger than they actually are. So, what’s the big deal? Researchers say that there is a noted relationship between the increase in selfie photographs and an increase in rhinoplasty requests, particularly among younger patients. In other words, being dissatisfied with what we see of ourselves in our selfies, we now try to fix what we interpret as a socially unacceptable appearance through getting a nose job. Physicians are concerned that selfie facial distortions are contributing to adolescent mental health concerns. We are far too consumed with our appearances. God is most concerned with the state of our hearts, we should be as well.
Once again, our friends at Common Sense Media have released some helpful data on media use among tweens and teens. It’s not at all surprising that in our screen-saturated world, engagement with screens for the purpose of entertainment is on the rise. As of 2021, our eight to twelve year old Tweens are engaging with screens for an average of five hours and thirty-three minutes a day. Our thirteen to eighteen year old teens have their eyes on their screens for eight hours and thirty nine minutes a day. While these numbers are stunning, let me remind you that they do not include time spent on screens for in school and out of school school work. We are talking about entertainment engagement only! Parents, we should be concerned not only about what they are seeing and learning during screen time, but also about the sheer amount of time. Let’s teach our kids to live into these words of instruction from the apostle Paul: Make the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
Is it possible that getting teens to read the Bible could actually move them away from God’s good order and design for sexuality? If they read an updated version of the Bible that is being released this month, that could happen. This update of 1989’s New Revised Standard Version is called NRSVUE. Many of the more than twenty-thousand changes are helpful as they are based on updated textual discoveries. Yet this new Bible project also aims to reflect what scholars call modern sensibilities. One concern is that the Greek word translated “men who have sex with men” has been changed to “men who engage in sexual immorality”. New Testament scholar Robert Gagnon says this change “gaywashes” the text to eliminate the clear reference to homosexual practice in I Corinthians 6:9. We must not change and conform the Bible to our cultural preferences. Rather, we must change and conform ourselves to God’s will as revealed in a properly translated Bible.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: Our teenagers were made to be in a relationship with God. Because our rebellion has severed our relationship with God, there remains a deep yearning inside each human being to have that relationship restored. Blaise Pascal described this universal hole in the soul as a god-shaped vacuum. Teenagers are no different than anyone else. Their great need is to have this God-shaped emptiness filled by God. If you listen and look closely, you’ll see and hear that their music, films, books, magazines, and very lives are crying out for spiritual wholeness. Each of us can look directly in the eyes of the teenagers we know and love and be certain that this is their reality. Each one hungers for heaven. Parents, this should spur us on to constantly and consciously serve as signposts, pointing kids to the cross and their true home.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: Any kid, anywhere, anytime. Sadly, there’s an assumption flying around that Christian kids are somehow immune from being vulnerable to the growing tide of negative influences in today’s rapidly changing culture. Many of us have bought the lie that “those things don’t happen in Christian families,” or “to Christian kids.” Believing this lie can lull us to sleep, keeping us from realistically recognizing and addressing the pressures that all kids face in today’s world. A variety of factors are combining to make the voices of the world far more compelling and attractive to kids. It doesn’t matter where they live, who they live with, or what kind of school they go to. Any kid, anywhere, can be influenced by any of the negative and dangerous aspects of our culture at any time. No church, school, family, or child is immune.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: there are no perfect parents or kids. The Bible teaches us that sin is present in every human heart. At the root of problems in our families and homes is the sinful and selfish nature of children and their parents. At our house, there have been far too many times to even count where we’ve fought, bickered, argued, gotten irritated, and lacked patience. Parents who hope and expect to raise perfect kids and have a perfect family are biblically unrealistic. To embrace such expectations only burdens us and our children with the sense of failure that accompanies the albatross of not being able to measure up. We must never forget that we are all imperfect and finite beings who are touched by sin and incapable of perfection. While we should never minimize or overlook sin, we must realize that perfection won’t ever visit our parenting, our children, or our homes.
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today’s truth is this: being a parent isn’t always easy. No matter how much time and effort we put into preparing for parenthood, there will always be unexpected surprises. Raising and relating to children is difficult for everyone, and it tends to become more so as children reach the teen years. Each of us will experience a different set of highs and lows, jolts and joys, thrills and spills. If you are struggling as a parent, rest assured that you are not alone. You, me, and all other parents stand together. The reality is that it’s not easy. But we can approach our parenting as a glorious challenge and opportunity. Dr. Paul Tripp reminds us, “the teen years are often cataclysmic years of conflict, struggle, and grief. They are years of new temptations, of trial and testing. Yet these very struggles, conflicts, trials and tests are what produce such wonderful parental opportunities.”
As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. The first truth is this: God gives us the gift of children. The psalmist writes, “Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!” It’s a big mistake to think of our children as liabilities; they are a reward from God, given to us as a sign of God’s favor. Because he values them so highly, so should we. They are never to be considered an inconvenience or nuisance. I must never forget that even in the midst of difficult times, the children God has given me as gifts remain gifts, whether they are four hours, four years, or fourteen years old. Once a gift, always a gift. We are to bring honor and glory to God by treasuring the God-given gift of our children and teens!
Today, I want to make you aware of some discouraging new research regarding teens and drug use from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. After reviewing the data from 2020, it was discovered that overdoses linked to synthetic opioids like Fentanyl tripled among teenagers over the course of just two years. Among black teenagers, there was a five-fold increase. Fentanyl is one hundred times more potent than morphine, and fifty times more potent than heroin. Fueling this trend is the fact that fentanyl is being combined with other illicit drugs, making them more addictive, dangerous, and even deadly. While the numbers are not in for 2021, experts believe that the data will show additional increases. It is our hope that parents and the church will consistently monitor, love, and nurture the children and teens in our midst, and that we would reach out with care, compassion, and the hope of the Gospel to those who are most vulnerable to abusing drugs.
There’s a great lesson for our kids in a story told about retired baseball player Chase Utley. It seems that when Utley was a little boy playing ball, he complained to his father about a fellow player who did quite a bit of show-boating on the field, and bragging off the field. Utley’s dad shared a simple lesson he learned from his high school guidance counselor. The lesson was this: “If you’re really good at something, you don’t have to tell people. They will tell you.” The writer of Proverbs says that “humility comes before honor.” Jesus reminds his followers that “whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” And Peter reminds Christ-followers to “clothe yourselves with humility.” We are all sinners saved by grace. Anything good we have or do is a gift of grace. I am reminded this morning that in my home, my church, my community, and my world I am nothing. . . and if I am something, it is only by the grace of God.
We all need to pay attention to Tony Dungy’s recounting of the tragic loss of his eighteen-year-old son Jamie to suicide several years ago. While God ministered deeply to Tony and his wife during this very difficult time, God also ministered through the couple as they lived out their faith in the days, weeks, and months that followed. At Jamie’s funeral, Tony Dungy spoke these words: “What’s kept our family going these last couple of days is what we believe, and we believe God when he says that he works all things for his good for those who love the Lord. It’s hard to accept because we can’t always see it, but we have to believe it.” Those are timely words for all of us as we struggle with the difficult circumstances that come our way. Life is complicated for teenagers, parents, and families. But you can be sure of this: God not only is, but he is at work! Praise God for the hope of the Gospel!
Ever since the smartphone became a standard accessory and even an appendage much like our arms and legs, experts have debated whether or not people can become addicted to their digital devices. The research evidence is quickly accumulating that says yes, all of us can become addicted to our devices. And like all kinds of addicts, we are typically willing to point out the addiction of others, while denying that we might have a problem. But listen to this. Some recent research from the Pew Research group has found that forty-five percent of our teenagers report feeling addicted to their smartphone devices. Teen smartphone addiction is very real and it needs to be addressed. We suggest that you hold off on giving a smartphone to your kids until they reach the age of sixteen. If earlier, give them a device that has limited social media capabilities. And set up borders and boundaries that will keep them safe. The way we use our technology is actually a way for us to worship God.
One of the best lessons I learned from my parents is that there is more to life than sitting around and doing nothing. My parents were available to us on those quiet evenings when it would have been easy to plop down in front of the tube. But they always had something fun to do. We would play board games or cards, wrestle or box with my dad, build models, work in the basement woodshop, etc. Sure we watched TV, listened to the radio, and played records. But those voices were tempered by the involvement of our parents in our lives. We even learned to enjoy listening to our parents; there was good communication taking place. Because I had such fun-loving parents most of the neighborhood kids wanted to spend time at my house. In today’s world, the two greatest distractions to family time and fun are first, a full schedule of organized activities, and second, everyone keeping their faces buried in their phones. Make an effort to connect by disconnecting from the distractions.
All this week we’ve been looking at Tim Chester’s book, “Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free” – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. Above all else, pornography is a sin that erodes our relationship with God. Chester reminds us of the story of Solomon and his love for foreign women. Solomon’s unchecked sexual desires turned his heart away from God. They gave him a divided heart. One pornography addict says, “Porn kills my spiritual vitality and zaps the life out of my personal devotional life and spiritual disciplines. It decreases my desire and consciousness of spiritual things, because it becomes the thing at the front of my mind, or more typically guilt consumes me. It has really deadened my relationship with Jesus and robbed me of joy.” Because we live in a world saturated with pornography that pulls our kids in at breakneck speed, we must prepare them for a life lived in obedience to God.
All this week we’re looking at Tim Chester’s book, “Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free” – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. In a world where the family is already in decline, pornography adds another weapon in the war against the growth and health of the family. Studies show that even mild exposure to porn reduces men’s evaluation of their partner’s attractiveness and how much in love they feel. It’s harder to find satisfaction with real sex with real women. Porn is a cancer, eating away at your marriage. Porn has the potential to end your marriage. Pornography also endangers your children. One in ten men say they first encountered pornography when they found their father’s secret stash. It used to be magazines under the bed. Now, kids are finding it on the family computer. Dad’s, do you realize that when your kids discover your addiction that you will be telling them that using pornography is normal, right, and even ok?
All this week we’re looking at Tim Chester’s book, “Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free” – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. If we want to grow to hate pornography, we should consider how it ruins and wrecks people, particularly women. On the one hand, pornography wrecks a man’s view of women. With so many of our children and teen already immersed in pornography, I wonder what the fruit of their addiction will be as they come of age. You see, pornography encourages men to view women as objects to be consumed. In effect, women are commodified. In addition, porn wrecks women’s view of themselves. The pressure on women to have bodies that match those of the movie and porn actresses is immense. Today’s women need to navigate sexual expectations, impossible standards of attractiveness, and aggressive sexual activity. These are more reasons for us abhor pornography and steer our kids in the right direction.
All this week we’re looking at Tim Chester’s book, “Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free” – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. With the possibility that one in three people in your church are struggling with porn, this issues deserves our attention. Chester makes a compelling case for the fact that porn wrecks our view of sex. Pornographic sex is not real sex. Watching porn radically distorts our expectations of sex, dulling one’s appetite for real sex, while ratcheting up the appetite for even more extreme fantasy sex. Chester says that pornography damages us deeply, including detaching our view of sex from relationships and intimacy. You see, sex as God intended it is a celebration of a real relationship between a man and a woman within the context of marriage. In today’s world, it’s a sad and alarming fact that far too many men, women, and children are getting their sex education from pornography. It teaches nothing about good sex.
“Today, there is an epidemic of pornography.” Those are the first seven words in Tim Chester’s very helpful book, “Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free.” Chester says there are two factors behind the growth of our pornified culture. First, there are the increasingly permissive attitudes in our society. In today’s world, we watch things, dress ourselves, and live in ways that no prior generation ever did. The second factor behind the acceleration of pornography is the glut of new technology that can deliver porn into the quiet and sheltered place we call home. No longer does a person have to nervously pay a cashier for a dirty magazine if they want to secure pornography. In fact, in today’s world, you don’t even have to go searching for pornography. You can find it right in your own home. Chester says that the first step in beating porn addiction is to hate porn, and long for change. For the rest of this week, we’ll look at some of Chester’s reasons to give up porn.
On this weekend when we celebrate the cross of Jesus Christ and all that it entails, I would like to share some words from one of my favorite theologians, Dr. John Stott. Stott writes, “Even the excruciating pain could not silence his repeated entreaties: ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ The soldiers gambled for his clothes. Some women stood afar off. The crowd remained a while to watch. Jesus commended his mother to John’s care and John to hers. He spoke words of kingly assurance to the penitent criminal crucified at his side. Meanwhile, the rulers sneered at him, shouting: ‘He saved others, but he can’t save himself!’ Their words, spoken as an insult, were the literal truth. He could not save himself and others simultaneously. He chose to sacrifice himself in order to save the world.” What a beautiful reminder that is for us to not only remember this weekend, but every day. Friends, Jesus came that we might have life, and have it abundantly.
As we get ready to celebrate power of the Cross and the Resurrection of Jesus this weekend, I want to ask you if you’ve taken any time to talk with your kids about the earth-shattering significance of what it is that we will be celebrating. The fallout from our culture’s growing reality of biblical illiteracy hit me hard when a couple of years ago on the day after Easter my daughter-in-law, an athletic trainer at a large suburban high school, shared with me a conversation she witnessed between a group of a dozen student athletes who were in the training room. Everyone was chatting about their Spring Break when one of the students asked, “What the heck is Passover and Easter about?? I know nothing.” Multiple kids agreed that they didn’t know the story, and some jokingly said, “I think it’s something about Jesus. . . maybe his birthday.” Over the course of this weekend, why not read Matthew chapters twenty six, twenty seven, and twenty eight together as a family?
The Bible tells us that one of the evidences of the fact that we have been born again and are in Christ is love. Followers of Jesus are called to love each other because we’ve been loved by God. The great evidence of God’s love for us is that he sent his son as a sacrifice for our sin. In other words, God demonstrated his love for us with the death of his son Jesus on the cross. God’s love is a faithful, giving, self-sacrificing, and consistent love. In I John 4:7 we are called to “love one another,” a statement which is not a suggestion, but a command. Sadly, in today’s world the way we understand, live, and give “love” has become self-serving and self-seeking. Parents, is it the latter or former kind of love that you are living out in your home with your spouse and children? If our “love” is a “love” that seeks to satisfy itself, it is nothing but selfishness. Instead, love your children and spouse in a truly biblical manner, thereby fulfilling your calling to love as Jesus has loved.
The English writer John Donne is perhaps most famous for writing the words, “No man is an island.” Donne was communicating the fact that in order to thrive, we must depend on others and the gift of community. The Bible teaches us that for the follower of Jesus Christ, living one’s life within the larger Body of Christ is not optional, but necessary. When life is spent apart from others, we can come undone. Perhaps that’s why it’s not surprising to learn that over the last couple of years of struggling to get through the isolation that came with the pandemic, emergency rooms saw a surge in the number of teenage girls dealing with disordered eating, tic disorders, anxiety, depression, and stress. While there are many contributing factors, we can’t discount disconnection from others. We are reminded that we must always be monitoring our kids as they navigate the already difficult years of adolescence. And, we must guide them into living in the support of Christian community.
Our children need to learn that doing what is right is not always the easy choice. In fact, when Jesus called his disciples to “come and follow me,” he was inviting them into a life that would be difficult. In the same breath, he told them to deny themselves and “take up your cross.” On the surface, Jesus seems to be calling us to a very unattractive and undesirable life. But in reality, it is a call to the most attractive and desirable life a person could ever live. We need to teach our kids by our words and example that following the crowd when the crowd is going in the wrong direction exacts a price. That price, according to Scripture, is lostness and the suffering of eternal death. The flip side is that following in the footsteps of Christ also exacts a price. That price, according to Scripture, may be some suffering and alienation from others in this life. But that temporal suffering is minor when compared to the thrill of entering into the joy of the Lord as a reward for our faithfulness.
What does it mean to be a Christian parent? One way to parent to the glory of God is to be prepared before any difficult parenting times visit your family. Here are some things to know to get you ready for those difficult times. Embrace a biblical theology of the sovereignty of God. Yes, God is in control of all things. Embrace a biblical theology of human depravity. Yes, all of us and all of our kids are fallen beings. Remember that in a sinful and fallen world there are no guarantees, even if we do everything just right. Our identity should not be rooted in our children and their performance. Our identity must be found in Christ. Anything else is idolatry. Our foundation must be God’s Word. When the difficult times hit, you will need to constantly remind yourself of the foundational truths of life. Remember that God is parenting and growing us as we parent our teens. And finally, realize that helpless is a good place to be. It drives us to God and away from ourselves.
Our children and teens are being educated on matters of sex and gender by a current cultural narrative that engages in 24/7 messaging, even to children as young as pre-school age. This education – or more accurately mis-education – takes God’s good gifts of sex and gender and distorts them in ways that undo God’s grand and glorious plan for our children and teens. The reality is that whoever speaks to a child first about sex and gender will set the bar for what is understood to be true, resulting in everything they hear after that being measured in light of whatever they heard first. Consequently, we must speak up first and teach them the truth. We live in a day-and-age where home and church must faithfully offer Biblically-based correctives to the cultural narrative on sex and gender. Parents, we encourage you to commit yourself to reading God’s Word to discover his plan for sex and gender. In addition, I highly recommend reading Christopher Yuan’s book, Holy Sexuality and the Gospel.
As Christians, we are called to follow the way and will of God as contained in the Bible, which is the Word of God revealed and written as God’s authoritative rule for all matters of faith and practice. The culture teaches that we are to live under no other authority except the authority of ourselves. The cultural mantras “you do you” and “follow your heart” teach us to live under the authority of our own personal desires, feelings, and intuition. But God calls us to deny ourselves, and instead live under His loving and life-giving authority. In Jeremiah 17:9, God tells us that our hearts are not to be trusted. We should never allow our feelings to dictate and misshape our understanding of truth. The Bible is God’s gift to us which teaches God’s plan, purpose, will and way for how things are supposed to be. We are to believe and behave in ways that are firmly rooted in biblical truth. Teach your kids to judge their feelings by Scripture, rather than judging Scripture by their feelings.
A recent article in Psychology Today reports what most of us already realize is true, the majority of today’s adolescents have seen pornography, either because they have gone looking for it, or it has gone looking for them. As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of pornography’s presence, its compelling draw, and the impact it has on our kids. When it comes to pornography, what they see and experience now will not only shape them in the present, but will continue to influence them and their relationships for the rest of their lives. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing our children to understand, process, and respond to this horribly fallen expression of God’s good gift of sexuality in ways that bring honor and glory to God. Prepare them for what porn is, what to do when they see it, and the fact that they can freely come to you for guidance and direction.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re aware of the growing legalization of marijuana and its acceptance for recreational use. According the 2021 Monitoring the Future Survey, thirty point five percent of high school seniors report using marijuana in the last year. Researchers have found that teenagers who only smoke marijuana occasionally, are just as likely to develop schizophrenia as those who smoke marijuana daily. Smoking the drug at these lower frequencies of less than twice a week, has the same six-fold increased risk of getting the mental disorder as those are smoking marijuana on a daily basis. Parents, marijuana is not a harmless neutral drug. Your teenagers are in a period of development where their brains are not fully formed until they reach their mid-20’s. Along with the multitude of spiritual, moral, and legal issues associated with marijuana abuse, there are physical issues as well.
Here are some wise words from Bernard of Clairvaux to share with your kids. He writes, “God alone can satisfy our desires. A man with a lovely wife may still look lustfully at an attractive woman. A well-dressed person wants more expensive clothes. The rich envy the richer. You can find people who already own much property and have many possessions, still striving, day in and day out, to add another field to their estates. They have a restless ambition for promotion and honors. It is not very intelligent to desire what cannot satisfy. While enjoying wealth, you keep searching for something you still lack. You run back and forth from one pleasure to another, becoming tired, but never satisfied. Eventually, we will come to say to God, ‘Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.’ Anything else is doomed to failure. Life is too short. The long road wears us out.”
Did you know that overall, Americans owe eight hundred and seven billion dollars across almost five hundred and six million credit card accounts? As parents of children and teens, this reality should serve as a catalyst to discuss wise spending habits with a generation of kids who grow up thinking and spending as if piling up debt is normal. Credit card companies are actively seeking out our kids. I hear from many parents that their kids receive pre-approved credit card offers in the mail. For the most part, we know that developing good credit is important for living in today’s economy. But if we aren’t taking the time to teach our kids principles of good and Godly stewardship, we might be setting them up for a lifetime of materialistic idolatry and financial difficulties. Be aware of the ways your kids are being led into the dangerous lifestyle of materialism, reminding them they are stewards of God’s money.
Several years ago, I had a conversation with Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician who saw a significant number of teenage girls in her practice. I remember Dr. Meeker telling me about some of the frank conversations she was having with girls regarding oral sex. Many of them thought that it was not to be considered sex because it couldn’t result in a pregnancy. Others mentioned that they thought it was safe. Dr. Meeker would then proceed to inform the surprised girls that every sexually transmitted infection could be contracted in oral sex. Recent research is telling us that our kids still don’t grasp the fact that oral sex is a dangerous practice, with sixty percent saying it’s either not risky, or only mildly risky. Our kids are talking about it and engaging in it, whether we like it or not. As Christian parents, we can’t stop at giving accurate information. We first and foremost God’s design for his good gift of sexuality, which includes teaching our kids to, as Paul says, flee from sexual immorality.
In her helpful book, Teens and Suicide, Recognizing the Signs and Sharing Hope, Christian counselor Julie Lowe lists ten reasons we should give our teens for why life is worth living. They are ten messages rooted in the Gospel that each of us need to hear on a regular basis. What are they? You are not alone. You have value. You are greatly loved. You can find help. Your life has purpose. You will not always feel this way. There is a good way forward, even when life is hard. You are more than your outward appearance. God is up to good in your life. And finally, you will not be put to shame. Julie tells us that we want to help our kids see that the Bible speaks of far more than correction and rules. The bible speaks of life, freedom, and personal relationship with a God who knows what is going on in their lives. We must winsomely and convincingly speak these truths into the lives and experiences of our children and teens. Fill their wells with the Good News about Jesus Christ and His love.
There is a sad irony in the fact that today’s children and teens have more tools at their disposal to stay connected with others, yet there is a growing epidemic of loneliness. New research from San Diego State University has found that the proportion of fifteen to sixteen year old teens who feel alienated has tripled over the last twenty years. Fully one-third of our teens say they feel alienated from their parents, which is up from ten percent in 2000. Researchers say these increases coincide with the use of smartphones and social media by teens. And, to take it a step further, kids report feeling increased loneliness while in school for the simple reason that they are isolating themselves from their flesh and blood friends by keeping their eyes on their phones. We should lament these developments and respond by setting limits on where, when, and how long a teen can use their smartphone. Parents, exercise your God-given authority even when you might receive pushback from your kids.
How should we go about teaching our children right from wrong? Are there timeless moral standards which we are called to know, follow, and teach to our children and teens? As Christians, we know that we are called to teach our children the timeless truths of God’s word. The difficulty of doing so in today’s world is that they are receiving a twenty-four-seven education from the culture that rarely is rooted in the truths of God’s Word. Dr. Carl Trueman has captured the reality of what our kids are learning from today’s culture is one short sentence. Dr. Trueman writes, “In modern America, morality is nothing more than the sum total of the tastes of the moment.” Parents, it’s important for us to know the tastes of moment so that we can answer and correct those tastes with the truths of God’s Word. And, because those tastes of the moment change from moment to moment, we must continue to be diligent in our quest to lead our children and teens into following Jesus.
A couple of years ago I watched an interview that got me thinking about a huge mistake we oftentimes make as parents. The interview was with former major league pitcher Jim Abbott. Abbott is best known as the guy who made it to the major leagues in spite of being born without a hand on his right arm. During the interview, Abbott talked about his physical disability, how he was taught to handle it growing up, and what he learned as a result of having to overcome his differences from others. Abbott was emphatic about the fact that all the difficulties and taunts during his childhood made him a better man. In other words, his parents helped him navigate the challenges, but never shielded him or softened the blows in order to make his life easier. In today’s world, too many kids miss out on developing in healthy ways due to parents who bubble-wrap and shield them from difficulties, consequences, and the hard realities of life. Suffering is God’s curriculum for healthy growth.
Paul Tripp has said that the Bible’s four most important words about sex and gender are these from Genesis 1:1: “In the beginning God. . .” This establishes God as the maker of all things, including sex and gender. He declared all things “good”, while establishing a purpose and plan for all things, including sex and gender. But very quickly, the first four words spoken by the enemy of God in Genesis 3:1 – “Did God really say. . . ?” - led our first parents into questioning God’s love and authority. They then chose to rebel against God by going their own way rather than His way. This choice to sin against God resulted in the corruption of God’s good creation, which immediately undid everything good. . . including sex and gender. Satan continues to undo God’s order and design through never-ending shouts and whispers to all of us, pointing us to choosing our plan for sex and gender rather than God’s plan, fueling our doubt of God’s Word by continually asking us, “Did God really say. . . ?”
Sometimes I think that just hearing and considering some of the statistics on our smartphone use and dependence will cause us to sit up, take notice, and peel back from our growing dependence on our electronic devices. Knowing these facts should also remind us of the importance to set borders and boundaries for our kids. Six out of ten adults say that couldn’t cope without their smartphone if they were unable to use it for just one day. Fifty-five percent of adults believe that running out of battery power is what they call a nightmare scenario. One in eight people claim that a dying smartphone battery actually gives them anxiety. Here’s what’s really telling: twenty five percent say that they would stress out losing their wedding ring, forty percent losing their car keys, forty-six percent losing their bank card, and forty eight percent losing their smartphone. In today’s digital age, we have to wonder, are we becoming more dependent on our technology than we are on God?
Last month was CTE awareness month. If you’ve been tracking with us here on Youth Culture Today for any amount of time, you know that CTE stands for Chronic Traumatic Encephelopathy a progressive brain condition caused by repeated blows to the head and repeated episodes of concussion. I listened in on a webinar conducted by the Concussion Legacy Foundation, featuring a report on updated research, along with testimonials from the family members of four former college and pro football players who were diagnosed with CTE. I want to pass this word of advice along from Pro Football Hall of Famer Mike Haynes. “Please stop recruiting children to play tackle football. If children can wait until age fifteen to play tackle football like I did, future football players will have a dramatically lower risk of CTE and will lose nothing in terms of developing football skills.” Parents, steward the health of your child’s God-given bodies and brains. Football is fun, but wait until they are older.
One of the growing trends in the church has been an aversion to describing Christianity as a religion. Today, many Christians see the word religion as something harmful. The word is frowned upon as it’s believed it represents rituals, dogmas, and structures. In a recent article, Kevin DeYoung makes a case for keeping the word religion in our vocabulary and actually seeing it as something good. He reminds us that historically, looking down on the word is only a recent development. The word religion is used five times in the bible. The bible tells us that self-made religion that doesn’t yield life-change is bad. But religion is good when it cares for widows and orphans. The bible never uniformly refers to religion as only negative. Finally, if you hear your kids say that they want to be spiritual but not religious, DeYoung says that they risk getting the wrong impression about Jesus, while adopting an approach to faith rooted in their own feelings, rather than in the truths of the Gospel.
Defend Young Minds is an organization committed to helping parents and other caring adults give young children the information, skills, and mindsets they need to defend themselves against pornography and sexual exploitation. In a recent online call to action, Defend Young Minds reminded parents that during 2022, they must be especially vigilant in this task as exposure to pornography is, as they say, always just two clicks away. Parents are reminded that in today’s world, pornography is actually educational, as what our kids see will misshape their beliefs and their behaviors about sexuality. Without going into detail, Defend Young Minds describes how violent pornography becomes normalized for our kids, which then results in kids mimicking and even expecting what they see online. Parents, keep the smartphones out of the hands of your young kids. And teach them that porn is a fallen expression of God’s good and glorious gift of their sexuality.
Your teen is not your “do over.” I was once at a high school football game where a father in the stands was screaming and yelling at his son out on the field. About halfway through the game, another man in the stands turned around and said, “Hey Bill, you’d think that was you out there on that field!” It took a split-second for Bill to heartily yell back his answer: “It is!” Too bad for Bill’s poor son. Bill should have named his son “Mulligan.” In today’s achievement-oriented and status-conscious world, we can allow ourselves to feel like we don’t measure up now, nor did we measure up when we were teens. Hoping to improve our own status and somehow redeem the perceived “failures” and regrets of our own adolescent years, we attempt to relive our past lives through our kids. Hoping to improve our status and look good to our friends and neighbors, we attempt to live our present lives through our kids. Parents, you need to find your identity in Jesus Christ, rather than in your kids.
Do you remember what it was you were feeling and experiencing when your body was transitioning from childhood to adulthood with what seemed like breakneck speed? It happened for me during my Junior High years and I was consumed with two questions: What is happening to me? And, what do I do with what is happening to me? I can’t imagine what it’s like to navigate puberty in today’s world. Television, film, and social media is pounding them with thousands of images and messages daily, each one contributing to a set of appearance standards that become the benchmark for being normal, acceptable, likeable, and lovable. Parents can and must help kids navigate this confusing time by playing the following roles: Offer your teen a godly perspective on the changes that are taking place. Model the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ during the physically awkward years, and teach your children about the inward qualities of godliness.
From time to time I update you on some of the slang you might hear your kids using with each other and their friends. As we get older, we can feel more and more out of touch as it can sound like they are speaking an entirely different language. For example, you might hear them talk about throwing shade, which means to give someone a dirty look. Or, they might refer to an older woman, perhaps even their mom, as a Karen, which is a disparaging way to describe a middle-aged woman who acts self-entitled and rude, particularly to a waiter or waitress. With teen slang changing as fast at the dates on the calendar, there are a few ways to keep up with the latest words. We suggest you start by simply asking your teen or a teen you know to translate the slang you don’t understand. In addition, you can download The Slangit Slang Dictionary app, or the Chat Slang Dictionary app to your smartphone. This is one way to use your smartphone to actually get a little bit smarter.
The story is told that in the early twentieth century, a London newspaper published an article asking the question, “What’s wrong with the world.” Numerous readers wrote the paper to offer up their answers to the question. The shortest answer received was also the most correct. It came from the brilliant writer and thinker G.K. Chesterton. In his response to the question “what’s wrong with the world?”, Chesterton simply answered with two words, “I am.” Chesterton clearly knew that the world was broken and not right. But Chesterton knew that the root cause of the world’s brokenness was human sin, beginning with his own. The Bible tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. The fact is that is that human depravity is a very real thing, and if we deny it, especially in ourselves, we will never understand our deep, deep need for someone to rescue us from this brokenness. Teach your kids that to know God’s grace, begins with knowing one’s own sin.
When I was a little kid in Sunday School, we would sing that familiar “Be Careful” song and eventually get to a verse that began like this: “Be careful little ears what you hear.” Well, my ears certainly aren’t as little as they used to be, both figuratively and literally. And as I’ve grown older I’ve learned that we shouldn’t only be careful about the content we hear, but the actual volume of what we hear. You see, I have ringing in both of my ears. Audiologists are warning parents to watch the volume on their kids devices, as hearing loss and other issues are hitting kids at younger and younger ages. I recently read this advice from a teenager named Savannah: “If you think it’s too loud, it probably is! You may not be worried about hearing loss, but teenagers are vulnerable to noise-induced hearing loss. The best way to prevent it? Turn it down, move away or use hearing protection.” As part of our daily act of worship, we need to steward and protect our bodies, including our hearing.
Do you remember going to elementary school and having a regularly scheduled weekly library day? Several generations of kids looked forward to that trip in a line down the school hallway to return and then take out a book or two. We have to wonder if today’s kids feel the same excitement for library day. I’m guessing it doesn’t. The U.S. Department of Education is reporting that among our nine-year-olds, the percentage who say they never or hardly ever read has risen since 1984 from nine percent to sixteen percent. Among thirteen-year-olds, that number has increased from eight percent to twenty-nine percent. And among seventeen year olds, the number has risen from nine percent to twenty-seven percent. Fewer and fewer kids are reading. Others are reading less. Reading is a good exercise for the mind. The good news is that if a non-reader starts to read, it can become a habit again. Encourage your kids to read. Why not start with the Chronicles of Narnia?
Fentanyl is a pharmaceutical synthetic opioid drug that is approved as a pain killer. The drug, which is fifty times more potent than morphine, is typically prescribed in the form of transdermal patches or lozenges. Not surprisingly, Fentanyl is also manufactured illegally and sold illicitly, and is 100 times more potent than heroin. It is often times mixed with heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, and marijuana, usually without the user’s knowledge, in a combination that can be deadly. It is also being pressed into millions of counterfeit pills that look just like pharmaceutical fentanyl. The potency in these counterfeits varies, and it’s estimate that two out of five counterfeit pills contains enough fentanyl to kill. Parents, you need to be aware that drug dealing has moved off the streets and onto social media platforms, enabling easy access for our kids. Don’t ignore this very real threat. Warn your kids about the moral, physical, and spiritual reasons to avoid drugs.
Boise State University political science professor Scott Yenor wrote a powerful piece calling for a sexual counter-revolution in last November’s edition of First Things magazine. Yenor says that in the past, people believed that sexual modesty and chastity were virtues. Marriage was to be a monogamous and permanent relationship between a man and a woman. But as a result of the sexual revolution, this has changed. What Yenor calls followers of Christ to is what he calls a sexual counter-revolution. As I read Yenor’s article and recommendations I couldn’t help but think that this needs to begin in the home, with parents who diligently teach God’s will and way to even the youngest of their children. Yenor warns us that the continued spread of pornography and the advances being made in the development of sex robots should feed our urgency to educate our kids. Parents, push back on our culture’s promotion of cheap sex, with God’s good order and design.
Several years ago I was in a Home Depot store when I saw all the employees drop what they were doing and head to the doorways. I heard the walkie talkie of one employee who was hurriedly passing me bark out instructions on a “Code Adam.” In a matter of seconds I figured out the meaning of a Code Adam. I looked toward the garden center doorway and saw a woman walking briskly in with a smile on her face and a two-year-old boy in her arms. She was met mid-stride by a relieved mother whose little boy had wandered away and gotten lost in the store. Her panic relieved, the happy young mother cried tears of joy as she took her little one into her arms. As I watched the drama unfold I couldn’t help but think about kids lost to today’s culture, what it means to be spiritually lost, and our loving good Shepherd. The Bible tells us that he leaves the ninety-nine to go after one lost sheep. Parents, our focus needs to be on pointing our kids to the Good Shepherd.
One of the greatest gifts I received in my life was the gift of an active and involved father. My father not only took the time to be around and spend time with me, but to teach me about Jesus and what it means to live with Christ as the Lord of my life. Those were great benefits to having a loving and involved father. But there’s more! Researchers tell us that when a dad gets involved in his child’s life, that child will learn more, perform better in school, and exhibit healthier behavior. Children with involved dads have fewer emotional and behavioral problems in adolescence. Teens who feel close to their dads grow up to have healthier marriages. And girls who have a strong relationship with their dad during their teenage years move into adulthood without as many psychological issues and distresses. Dads, your heavenly father has given you the gift of your children. He has also given you to them as a gift. Love your children as you’ve been loved by your heavenly father.
We live in a world where our kids are learning that gender is something that they are free to choose, rather than something that is assigned biologically at birth. According to Genesis, God has established the gender binary, creating his image-bearers as either male or female. Listen to this statement from the American College of Pediatricians: “Among humans, sex is a dimorphic, innate and immutable trait established at fertilization by sex-determining genes located on the X and Y chromosomes. This sexual dimorphism is genetically programmed and is present in every nucleated somatic cell of the body; sex does not and cannot change.” We want to encourage you to respond with kindness and grace to those who struggle with gender dysphoria. And, we encourage you to teach your children God’s plan to obediently live into their biologically assigned gender. In addition, teach them to see all people as divine-image-bearers who have value, dignity, and worth.
New research from the Boston Children’s Hospital analyzed the sleeping patterns of nine to eleven year old children in an effort to see the effect of inadequate sleep on brain development. This period of life, known as early adolescence, is a critical time in a child’s brain development. The researchers looked at sleep duration, the time it typically takes a child to fall asleep, how often a child wakes up from sleep, difficulty falling back to sleep, breathing difficulty, snoring, nightmares, and more. The research found that kids who have a shorter sleep duration, a more difficult time falling asleep, frequent waking, and sleep-disordered breathing had brain networks that were less efficient, flexible, and resilient. As parents entrusted by God with the stewardship of our children’s growth and development, we need to be sure our kids are getting the proper amount of sleep. Monitor your child’s sleep, and if there are difficulties, seek medical help. God has made us to require the gift of rest.
I recently read the results of a new survey on college students and mental health. According to the study, one-third of first-year college students have or develop moderate to severe anxiety or depression. This data affirms what we’ve known for some time, that is, that there’s been a deterioration of mental health in college students. Parents, we can’t wait until our kids get to college to help them deal with the issues that lead to anxiety. Rather, we need to be building a strong foundation in their lives now. . . a foundation built on the promises of God’s word. Christian counselor, Dr. Ed Welch, writes this to our teens: “God is with you, and He usually brings an army of angels with him. Since his presence is hard to see, God promises you that he is near. And he makes that promise to you again and again because you probably won’t believe him the first tens times. Parents, preach God’s promises from Scripture to your kids, including this: Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
In his play “As You Like It”, William Shakespeare has his character Jacques utter these now-famous words: “All the world’s a stage, and all men and women are merely players.” If those words were true when first written way back in 1599, they are even more true today. Thanks to social media and smartphone technology, all of us, if we desire, can stand on stage twenty-four seven for all the world to see. And stand on stage we do, regardless of our age. That’s why the folks at Merriam-Webster added the word “performative” to the dictionary last year. The word refers to an action that’s done purely to make a positive impression on others. The practice has oftentimes been called virtue signaling. Our kids are especially susceptible to this practice as engaging in online performative behavior on the social causes of the day can gain them likes and followers. Teach your kids humility. Let them know that Jesus calls us to not even let our left hand know what our right hand is doing.
My friend Rachel recently wrote these words of Godly advice on smartphones to the students in her youth group. What you give your time and attention to is what you really worship. Where your eyes are, there is your treasure and your heart as well. Technology is as powerful as dynamite. It’s explosive power can be used to build or destroy. I am concerned that it could be destroying us if we are not careful. I strongly encourage you to put your phone away an hour before bed at night and don’t pick it up in the morning until after you have been awake for at least an hour. Use that time to connect with God and with yourself – to be reflective and to process your emotions and thoughts. Before bed, ask the Spirit to guide you back through your day so you can see where you partnered well with Him and where you were distracted. In the morning, start the day quietly and gently by connecting to God through His Word and through prayer, paying attention to your interior life.
Parents, if you are looking for a visual metaphor to share with your kids about the redemptive work God does in the lives of broken sinners, google the word Kintsugi. This Japanese word is spelled K-I-N-T-S-U-G-I. Kintsugi, translated “golden joinery” is the Japanese art of repairing a valuable broken pottery tea bowl that’s been dropped and shattered, by mending the breaks with a glue compound mixed with gold or some other precious metal. In today’s world, we like to Super Glue our broken dishes in ways that hide the breaks and imperfections. But in Kintsugi, the breaks and repairs are visible, making the imperfections a part of the object’s beauty. Show your kids pictures of Kintsugi. Describe how each of us are valued in God’s eyes, yet in the midst of our sin and living in a sinful world we are broken. But God, through Christ, picks us up, carefully puts us back together, and restores us in ways that make us more beautiful than we ever were before. Thanks be to God for His grace!
The CDC reports that drug overdose deaths in the United States were four times more common in 2018 than they were just twenty years earlier. The CDC also reports that drug overdose deaths increased by thirty percent during the pandemic. While there are many reasons a person turns to drugs and alcohol, one strategy we can employ to counter substance abuse and addiction is to encourage our kids involvement with a peer group that doesn’t support drug and alcohol use. Substance abuse is strongly related to what a person’s friends do. When it’s always in your face, the temptation is huge. The Search Institute has concluded that parents can undermine the negative influence of friends both by steering kids away from certain associations, and toward other relationships where the influence is known to be positive. Parents, this is simple common sense. Positive relationships include a church youth group, and connections with older mentors in your church.
It’s very easy to get swept up into the spirit of the times. Because we live in the midst of culture, we can easily live into the values of that culture without taking the time to consider whether those values are good values, or bad values. One aspect of the spirit of our current times is what has been called safetyism. The term was first coined by writers Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff in their book, The Coddling of the American Mind. They use the term to describe a belief system in which safety has become a sacred value. We tend to avoid any risk or danger, whether emotional or physical. Safety is a good thing, but when we shield our kids from any kind of difficult circumstance, we undermine their ability to develop the kind of positive resiliency that grows through experiencing healthy stress. Parents, lets help our kids become strong by allowing them to experience the kind of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges that allow them to flourish and now and into adulthood.
Parents, today I want to encourage you to conduct a two-pronged relationship check. First, take time to take stock of your family relationships and closeness. Kids who are engaged with their families and who know they are loved are less prone to try to find a secondary family in a unique peer group subculture. Of course, our teens value their social connections, and they will always gravitate toward a friend group of some sort as they walk the path to adult independence. And this is where you need to continually engage in a secondary relationship check by getting to know who your teenager’s friends are, getting to know those friends, and coming to an understanding of how those friends are influencing your teen’s beliefs and behaviors. You must realize that the formative power of adolescent friendships will be greater if you are not taking the time to continually build a loving, caring, and God-honoring relationship with your kids.
Parents, I want to share a warning with you today. It’s a warning that comes from an unexpected source. Twenty year old chart-topping musician Bille Eilish was recently a guest on the Howard Stern radio show. During the interview, Eilish talked about the effect that pornography has had on her brain and her life. She says she started watching pornography when she was eleven. She went deeper and deeper into the addiction as she grew older, and it completely misshaped her view of sexuality. It has caused her to suffer from sleep paralysis and night terrors. She confessed a host of other consequences as well. She says, “I’m so angry that porn is so loved. Parents aren’t paying attention and this will effect kids for the rest of their lives.” Parents, when it comes to your kids seeing porn, it’s not a matter of if, but when. Talk to your kids now about God’s good design for sexuality, and how pornography will undo not only God’s good design, but their very lives.
Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today’s world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids’ every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God’s design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God’s will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!
Besides warning our kids about the spiritual and legal issues related to underage drinking, we must also warn them about the damage that underage drinking does to their still not-fully-formed brains. In today’s world, some of our kids are engaging in binge drinking. That is, consuming five or more drinks in a period of two hours. Researchers have now found conclusive evidence that drinking during adolescence can lead to structural damages in the brain that can easily result in memory and cognitive deficits that can persist into adulthood. In other words, drinking as a child or teen can effect the brain even if the person stops drinking as they go through life. Parents, talk to your kids about the dangers of drinking, and encourage them to be good stewards who care for their God-given bodies. Warn them about the dangers of exposure to high doses of alcohol during their adolescent years. What they choose to do now can and will affect them for the rest of their lives.
It’s Valentines Day – a day when many of us go out of our way to say “I love you” to those who are special to us. Parents, do you know that expressing love and paying attention to your children and teens actually helps them when it comes to their own sexuality? Research has shown that teens will often use sex as a means to express and satisfy emotional and interpersonal needs that have little or nothing to do with sex. Sexual activity becomes a coping mechanism to deal with the absence of love and affection at home. One recent study of ninth graders sought to discover why young teens want or would want to engage in sexual intercourse. Intimacy was the number one reason given, with respondents understanding intimacy as something that would make them “feel close” or “feel loved.” Our kids learn about what it means to love by watching their parents love each other. And, we need to shower our kids with the kind of grace-filled love and commitment shown to us by Jesus Christ.
One of the trends you can’t miss if you’ve spent any time watching professional football is the increasingly common practice of displaying boastful and arrogant behavior. Whether it’s a quarterback sack, an interception, running for a first down, or scoring a touchdown, there’s usually that moment where the player hops up and flexes their muscles in a pose that seems to say, “I told you! Don’t ever mess with me!”. Seen in the past as a vice, bragging has now become something seen as expected, normal, and even virtuous. Whatever happened to a quiet humility? Last year, the folks at the Merriam-Webster Dictionary recognized this trend by adding a new and additional definition for the little four-letter word “Flex”. The dictionary tells us that “flex” is now an internet slang word defined as an act of bragging or showing off on social media. Let’s teach our kids that we must die to ourselves, and then humbly find our value and worth in who we are as new creations in Jesus Christ.
Because I study youth culture, there’s one question I’ve been asked more than any other: What’s the greatest challenge facing teenagers in today’s world? The answer is easy: Sin. In Genesis 3:6 we read that everything God made and declared good came undone through the rebellion of humanity. I am a sinner. My children are sinners. All of us are in need of being fixed, and we can’t fix our selves. We are all in desperate need of redemption through Jesus Christ. While we must never use the reality of human depravity as an excuse for bad behavior or to not pursue spiritual growth, we must never forget that we’re all imperfect, flawed people who are in desperate need of a Savior. Don’t expect perfection from yourself, your children, or your family. It’s bad theology, and it will burden and destroy every member of your family, including your kids. Recognize the fact that you are a broken person, living with broken people, in a broken world.
Imagine that you’re a high school sophomore sitting in your 2nd period history class. For some reason, you are extremely tired. You put your head down on your desk and fall asleep. When you wake up, you’re still at the same desk in the very same room, but every other desk is filled with high school seniors sitting in their 3rd period Government class. Panic sets in. Nap-faced and somewhat disoriented, you hop up and run out of the class, while all the seniors and the teacher who allowed you to keep sleeping laugh hysterically. Well, that’s what happened to me. I was reminded of that when I first read about a new prank going viral through high schools around the country. Students are setting up what are called sleep accounts on instagram, where peers post photos of classmates sleeping in class. Welcome to our new smartphone populated world. At this point, these sleep accounts are done purely in fun. However, it’s worth watching the trend just in case students start to cross lines.
Have you noticed how more and more stories are popping up regarding communities and school districts trying to navigate the issue of transgender athletes? Recently, one of the biggest stories has centered on a transgender female swimmer at the University of Pennsylvania who has been dominating meets and setting records since leaving the men’s team and swimming for the women’s team. Here’s a statement from the American College of Pediatricians on these tender and difficult issues: “Due to a combination of genetics and sex hormones, males are bigger, stronger and faster than females. Males are also more aggressive than females. Males who self-identify as female, including those who take estrogen, remain genetically male and therefore have no objective reason -- let alone a right -- to share restrooms and locker rooms, or to be housed with or competing against females.” As we teach God’s order and design, let’s not forget to treat everyone with dignity and grace.
One good bid of news coming out of the pandemic is that the percentage of adolescents reporting drug use decreased significantly in 2021. This news comes from the long-running annual Monitoring the Future Survey. The 2021 survey reports significant decreases in the adolescent use of alcohol, marijuana, and vaped nicotine. The study also found that in regards to mental health, students across all groups from eighth to twelfth grade report moderate increases in feelings of boredom, anxiety, depression, loneliness, worry, and difficulty sleeping. While the jury is still out on why drug use decreased at the same time mental health issues increased, we suspect a couple of factors. First, kids were spending less face-to-face time with their friends. Peer influence is a huge factor in drug and alcohol abuse. And second, kids were spending more time with their families. We know that building strong family relationships also builds resilience in kids. We can thank God for these positive developments.
Even though we’re currently in the middle of the winter months, it’s not too early to start thinking about the summer. Perhaps you’re already looking ahead and planning a summer vacation during the months when your kids are out of school. Let me encourage you to also start thinking about and planning a summer activity that will be of great benefit to your kids. One of the marks of this emerging generation of teenagers is a willingness and desire to help others and to get involved in a variety of social causes. This is a good sign and something that we can’t let slip through the cracks without seizing upon it. Involvement in missions and service projects not only combats the powerful influence of materialism in our kids’ lives, but it also helps to grow and cement their faith in Christ. Kids benefit greatly from the opportunity to serve Christ by serving others. Start thinking now about this summer, making plans to give your kids the chance to participate in a short-term mission project.
I recently did a Google search for popular songs about Loneliness. Apparantly loneliness is nothing new. You might remember Roy Orbison’s “Only the Lonely”, Gilbert O’Sullivan’s “Alone Again, Naturally,” and Al Green’s “Tired Of Being Alone.” One website features a list of one-hundred and twelve new songs about loneliness. New research from the Barna Institute tells us that three out of ten Americans report feeling lonely at least once each day. Our kids are certainly not immune to loneliness. Ironically, loneliness has been on the rise in spite of the availability of twenty-four-seven connections through smartphones and social media. What all of us need are real flesh and blood relationships to remedy our loneliness. When you are with your family, put your phones down and turn off the TV. Make sure you are connecting week to week with your church family. And, be sure your kids are involved in a healthy church youth group with peers and significant adults.
What does it mean to raise our children well? Many of us assume that the best approach is to shield and protect our kids from a culture that has more than its fair share of negative and dangerous influences. We strive to keep them separated from the world. But is that what we should be doing? Jeram Barrs, a professor of Christian Studies at Covenant Seminary reminds us that if we are faithful to God and His word, that’s actually an approach to avoid. He writes, “Our children need to learn that Christ calls us to live in the world and to serve him in the world. We are to work at preparing them to understand the ideas of our time which are in opposition to the knowledge of God. We should be practicing hospitality to unbelievers, the needy, and sinner so that all through their lives our children have involvement in broken people’s lives modeled for them. We need to be like Jesus, friends of sinners, and we should be encouraging our children to be the same all through their lives.”
Anorexia Nervosa means “nervous loss of appetite.” Consumed by the irrational fear of being fat or overweight, the aim of the anorexic is to lose weight. Society’s pressure to be thin and beautiful influences even the thinnest girls to look in the mirror and see themselves as fat. Jess, a twelve-year-old with anorexia says her thighs are too fat. Even though people tell her she’s too skinny, she doesn’t believe them. She weighs one hundred and five pounds and would like to be eighty pounds. She exercises regularly in an effort to lose weight. If her anorexia continues to progress and nobody steps in to help, Jess will waste away to nothing and eventually die. If you or a teenager you know is showing the signs of emaciation, loss of weight without physical cause, a pattern of excessive exercise, depression, a cessation of the menstrual period, or constant fearful talk about being overweight or too fat, don’t look the other way. It’s time to get help from a trained and experienced Christian counselor.
Theologian David Starling has written a book about leadership that offers some challenging insights for parents and youth workers as we lead children and teens into a deep faith in Jesus Christ. The book is titled “UnCorinthian Leadership”. The title reflects how the apostle Paul instructed the Corinthians to adopt a godly approach to leadership as a corrective to their worldly ways of leading. I found these words from Starling helpful: “Good navigation requires more than just correct and accurate reading of a correct and accurate map; it also requires a vigilant awareness of the various rocks and shoals, waves and currents through which the ship must travel, along with an understanding of the capacities and weaknesses of the ship, and the forces that must be harnessed to steer it safely through such waters.” Starling’s words remind us of our need to not only know God’s Word, but to know the challenges of our world, so that we might guide our kids into a Godly life.
A growing body of research points to the fact that our kids are living pressure-filled lives. As parents, we can pile on the pressure when we lay unrealistic performance and achievement expectations on our kids. While there’s nothing wrong with taking a healthy interest in our kids’ lives, it’s dangerous to live vicariously through them. When our own insecurities lead us to push them to become all we never were, or to accumulate all that we never had, we force them to become something they are not, nor were they ever intended to be. If you grew up in a situation like that yourself, you know firsthand about the incredible weight this approach puts on a child’s shoulders. Ask yourself this question: “Am I pushing my child to be or do something they were never meant to be or do because of my own desires or insecurities?” Parents, God has blessed each of our kids with unique gifts, abilities, and interests. Let’s point our kids in God’s direction, rather than our own.
Recently, we expanded our social media presence here at CPYU by reviving our dormant Instagram account. While this has allowed us to communicate more effectively to a wider audience, it has also afforded us opportunities to see trends in the kinds of photos folks post on the Instagram social media platform. Not surprisingly, Instagram, like all other platforms, is a place where our kids fish for affirmation by posting photos of themselves that shout “Hey look at me!” These photos clearly intend to generate positive comments and likes. Sadly, if you spend any amount of time on Instagram you will see that a growing number of adults are doing the same thing. Among other things, we show off clothing styles, new haircuts, before and after weight loss pictures, and videos intended to brag up the fact that we exercise. All of it adds up to expose our insecurities. Let’s not forget what the Lord said to Samuel: People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
President John F. Kennedy was shot and killed when I was a seven year old boy. Two days later, his alleged assassin was gunned down on live TV. The images and news reports were frightening to me. I still think about them today. Not surprising as I’ve learned about how graphic news stories effect vulnerable young children. New research from Florida International University confirms that excessive media exposure to traumatic events can and oftentimes does harm kids. Researchers analyzed nine to eleven year olds and confirmed that children are the most vulnerable during natural disasters, as well as man-made disasters perpetrated with malicious intent. It seems that kids are increasingly watching the sensationalized news of these traumatic events. Parents, we should exercise more diligence in shielding our kids from the 24/7 news cycle. We should teach our children to see tragedies as part of life in our fallen world, and to trust in the providence and provision of God.
As parents, the passage of time always leaves us with some regrets. I have some of those should of and would of realities regarding things I would change if I could go back and do it all over again. For parents raising kids in today’s smartphone and social media saturated world, we don’t want to make mistakes now that might lead to parental regrets later in life. New research published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, found that using Instagram or snapchat prior to age eleven is related to problematic digital behaviors compared to those who weren’t allowed to join these platforms until they were older. Kids who joined at younger ages were more prone to misuse the platforms, form negative online relationships, and be victimized by online or sexual harassment. These platforms require a minimum age of thirteen to register, but a third of kids are now registering by age eleven or twelve. We must be diligent in guarding your kids now rather than having regrets later.
A recent headline in the New York Times Magazine caught my attention. It reads, “Dr. Becky Doesn’t Think the Goal of Parenting Is to Make Your Kid Happy.” The article features an interview with clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy. The highly popular parenting advisor has built a following as she gives advice in our day and age of helicopter parenting, along with raising kids in the social media fueled world of competitive parenting. I would agree that our parenting insecurities fuel a style of destructive parenting that is marked by constantly running interference for our kids along with posting their accomplishments on social media. From a Christian perspective, we fail our children when our parenting trajectory is to lead our kids to happiness. This goal fuels self-centered narcissism and entitlement. Parents, our goal should not be to make our children happy. Our goal should be to prepare them for life in a difficult world, living to the glory of God, as they pursue holiness, not happiness.
All this week we’ve been looking at strategies parents can enlist to help their kids deal with negative peer pressure in God-honoring ways. Today I want to encourage you to not be afraid to draw the line and say “no.” Many parents are just plain scared of their kids. The fact that they’re afraid to exercise their God-given authority over their children allows their children to intimidate them even further. I also know parents who stand up and say no when they have to. Sure, their kids gripe and moan. My kids have done the same thing to me. But even when these kids disagree with parental decisions, they still respect their parents. Why? Because those parents are actively involved in their kids lives. They love their kids and their kids know it. For these teenagers, rebellion isn’t an option they consider for long. Love your kids and express that love by saying “no” when they won’t say “no” for themselves.
This week we’re looking at strategies parents can enlist to help their kids deal with negative peer pressure in God-honoring ways. Our kids need to learn that doing what is right is not always the easy choice. When Jesus called his disciples to come and follow me, he was inviting them into a life that would be difficult. In the same breath, he told them, “If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” On the surface, Jesus seems to be calling us to a very unattractive and undesirable life. But in reality, it’s a call to the most attractive and desirable life a person could ever have. Teach your kids – by word and example – that following the crowd when the crowd is going in the wrong direction exacts a price. The flip side is that following in the footsteps of Christ also exacts a price. But the suffering that comes is temporary. It fades when compared to the thrill of eternal life.
This week we’re looking at strategies parents can enlist to help their kids deal with negative peer pressure in God-honoring ways. Today, I want to encourage you to pray for your kids. While it’s a fact that all kids will face negative peer pressure, we cannot forget our source of hope and strength. God invites us to seek his help in the midst of our helplessness by praying regularly for ourselves and our kids. Ask God to give you wisdom and courage as you lead your kids. Pray that he’ll give you the right words to guide your kids into making good decisions. Pray also for patience. The adolescent years can seem to drag on for a long time. Ask God to protect them as they live in the world of their peers, and to guide them into making good decisions. And finally, pray with your kids as they face difficult situations. By doing so, you’ll communicate to them that they should actively seek to do God’s will.
This week we’re looking at strategies parents can enlist to help their kids deal with negative peer pressure in God-honoring ways. You need to realize that negative peer pressure is spiritual battle all of us fight constantly. It’s a fact of life in a sinful and fallen world. We may know what is right, but we still find ourselves giving in. Even the apostle Paul admitted his personal struggle with these same sinful inclinations. He writes, “My own behavior baffles me. For I find myself not doing what I really want to do but doing what I really loathe.” In Matthew 7, Jesus speaks about this spiritual struggle as he describes the wide and well traveled road that leads to destruction, and the narrow road that leads to life. In the midst of this very real struggle, we must point our kids to the answer the Apostle Paul gives to our tendency to give in to our sinful natures. He writes, “I thank God there is a way out through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Without the accumulated wisdom, experience, and fully formed intellectual capabilities of adults, kids and teenagers are especially susceptible to negative peer pressure. They’ll often allow peer influence to eclipse rational judgment in the decision-making process. Negative peer pressure is frightening to parents because we remember facing it when we were kids. We don’t want our kids to make the same mistakes and bad choices we did. We want to protect them from the painful pull between doing what is popular and easy, and doing what is right. But peer pressure rears its ugly head when our teenagers begin to test and evaluate the Biblical values we’ve worked hard to instill. Sadly, this reality is much more common and likely in a world where there’s no absolute right or wrong. Listen in for the remainder of the week as we discuss strategies for dealing with peer pressure.
In Galatians 6:2 we are told to “bear one another’s burdens.” As one who has had burdens to bear, I’m so appreciative of those Christian brothers and sisters who step up to hold me up and to help me carry the load. Parents, your kids carry many burdens as a result of living in a difficult culture. Psychologist Dr. Diane Langberg, offers some great guidelines on how to bear burdens that can be applied to burden-bearing with our kids. The first thing you must give is your time. You cannot know your child’s experience without an investment of time. Be with your children. Second, you must be committed to listening. You cannot know what the burden is and how it’s effecting your child unless you work to listen and understand. Third, you must endure. You need to wait, to last it out, and hang in there with your child. Sometimes, the burdens are so heavy that it takes a good long time for God to lift them. Finally, exercise the discipline of prayer. Be a burden-bearer for your kids.
While driving in my car recently I was listening to the local sports talk radio station out of Philadelphia. As a Philly native and longtime listener, I’m not all surprised by many of the outlandish and entertaining things I get to hear while listening. But I have been surprised by a commercial I’ve heard air several times over the last few weeks. The ad begins with a host of young and energetic voices all talking on top of each other. Then, this question is asked: “What do you want to be?” After hearing several responses, listeners are left hearing these words: “Whoever you want to be, it’s yours to make on Instagram.” What a shame! We should be longing for our kids to find their identity not in what works to draw attention and gain a following on social media, but as divine image-bearers made and loved by a God who desires to form them into conformity to Christ, rather than to the world. Let’s be diligent about teaching our kids God’s plan for their lives.
From the moment they’re born, our kids need parents who tune themselves in to the most reliable source of parenting information and instruction. God has given us the Bible to guide us through these difficult and confusing days in our fallen world and rapidly changing youth culture. Our approach to parenting must be guided by God’s Word. Study the Bible with diligence so that you’ll fill a deep well from which to draw great wisdom, help, and advice. Discover what it says to the life-shaping messages your kids hear on a daily basis from today’s youth culture. Uncover the character traits and attitudes God calls us to exhibit in our families and other interpersonal relationships. On a personal note, I’ve found that my investment of time in knowing God’s word has been the very thing that’s guided me through the sometimes deep waters of parenting. God will parent you through His word, as you parent your kids.
Parents, I want to tell you about a troubling sex education resource that’s available 24/7 to answer any questions your children and teens might about sex, sexuality, and gender. It’s Planned Parenthood’s onoline app called Roo. When accessing Roo, the app tells kids, “I’m here to answer your questions about bodies, sex, relationships, and more.” Roo is advertised as quote, free and private, so go ahead and ask the things you don’t want to ask out loud.” One of the most common questions asked of Roo is this: What is a good age to have sex? Roo’s answer?: It’s all about picking the right age for you, which might be totally different than the right age for other people. It may seem like everybody you know is having sex, but that’s definitely not true. The average age when people have sex for the first time is around 17. You do you!” Roo is a powerful voice pointing kids away from experiencing God’s good gift of sex in His way. Parents, step up and answer your kids’ questions about sex.
We continue to hear reports that rates of depression and suicide are on the rise among children, teens, and young adults. These ugly realities are no respecter of persons, touching Christian families and individuals as well. You and your kids are not immune. There are many preventive measures we can take as we hope and pray that the kids we know and love will be spared the anguish of depression. One of these measures is to constantly remind our kids that God is their source of strength in times of difficulty. Jesus told his followers they could expect pain and persecution. The Psalms are full of the moans and laments of human suffering and emotional misery. But all of God’s Word points to the fact that God does not leave us alone in times of trouble. In the midst of intense personal pain, the psalmist would write these words: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.” Our parent example should teach our kids how to handle the difficulties life sends our way.
Our kids are growing up in a feeling-oriented world. If you don’t feel something, it can’t be real. A few years ago I read Mother Teresa’s book, Come Be My Light. This collection of journal entries and letters indicates that for over fifty years Mother Teresa didn’t feel the presence of God. Perhaps what surprises me most is how much press the book’s message is getting as if her lack of feeling God is a surprise. Mother Teresa’s experience is normal. Emotions rise and fall, come and go, increase and decrease. They just aren’t trustworthy. Read the Old Testament. I wonder how often Noah, Job, and others felt God. In the New Testament, Jesus doesn’t say “follow me and feel good!” Rather, he says “take up your cross and follow me.” Parents, tell your kids that God is real, present, and at work in their lives. . . . even when it doesn’t feel like it. Realizing that fact is a big step to finding intimacy with God and a real faith that’s mature.
With the pandemic leading kids to spend more time online, it’s not surprising that researchers have found that from 2019 to 2020, there was a two-fold increase in children between the ages of nine and twelve reporting that they sent nudes and other self-generated sexual abuse materials. In fact, seventeen percent of all kids ages nine to seventeen say they have shared nudes. This increase was more pronounced among pre-teens and boys. One in four boys ages nine to twelve now say that is is normal to share nudes, which is a ten percent increase over the prior year. Among the nine to seventeen year olds who say they shared nude photos, half reported sending those images to someone they had not met in real life, and forty-one percent believed they were sending the nude images to an adult. All in all, these numbers are increasing. This serves as a reminder to teach online safety, monitor our kids online time, and to teach the proper place and practice of God’s good design for his gift of sexuality.
Parents, we need to use a combination of words Jesus uses quite often in the Gospels with our kids. On several occasions he tells his listeners, “You have heard that it was said. . .” followed by a faulty belief of the time. Then, he turns conventional “said” wisdom upside down with one of his Kingdom sayings that point listeners to the way that it really is, or at the very least, the way that it should be. He does so by following up with “But I tell you. . . .” These words tell us alot about the prophetic influence we should be having on our kids. Cultural voices are loud and convincing. Our kids listen and follow. They need to be reminded that oftentimes what they’ve heard said needs to be seen, heard, evaluated, and corrected by the “but I tell you” truths of Jesus. Parents, know what the culture is saying to your kids. Then look for ways to regularly help them hear the voice of Jesus and his “but I tell you. . .” messages. God’s Word is truth!
Today, I want to encourage us all to stop engaging in a practice known as “phubbing”. . . which is spelled p-h-u-b-b-i-n-g. Phubbing is a term that was first coined about ten years ago by an Australian advertising agency to describe the smart-phone induced practice of snubbing interaction with others in your physical presence by engaging with your phone. One study that is already five years old and likely outdated, found that more than seventeen percent of people admit to phubbing others at least four times a day. The same study found that thirty-two percent of people report being phubbed two to three times a day. How does it feel when you are in a face-to-face conversation with another person, and that person suddenly turns away from you and starts talking to someone else in the room? We should remember that we are doing the exact same thing when we turn to our phones. God has made us for relationships. Let’s foster rather than undermine those connections.
Parents often ask me whether or not it’s appropriate for them to snoop around their child’s room, backpack, car, smartphone, texts, and social networking sites. While it’s important for a teenager to have a sense of private space, there is absolutely nothing wrong with invading that space if you have any suspicions at all that your child is engaging in immoral or dangerous behavior. If our teenagers are making decisions that are harmful, we must step in and do everything we can to protect them from themselves. It’s especially important for you to monitor your child’s private space if there is an established history of substance abuse. Remember, God has given you the responsibility to be your child’s parent, not your child’s friend. Our God-given role is to protect them from harm, provide for their well-being, and point them to a life of eagerly loving and serving Christ. At times, this requires us to step out of our comfort-zone in order to protect our children from themselves and their poor decisions.
Parents, here’s a challenge to adopt a new years resolution that has you bent on gaining weight. No, I’m not encouraging to go against conventional new year’s resolutions and decide to eat more so that the scale in your home goes on overload. Rather, I’m encouraging you to resolve to weigh yourself down each and every day with the life-giving good weight of ingesting more and more of God’s Word into your mind and heart. As the great J.I. Packer once wrote, “Wisdom is divinely wrought in those, and those only, who apply themselves to God’s revelation.” The Apostle Paul writes in Colossians 3:16, “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, with all wisdom.” What we need to do is soak ourselves in the Scriptures on a daily basis. As you do that, God will form and conform you more and more into His image. And, not only will you be changed, but you will be better equipped to nurture your children and teens in the faith through your words and your example.
In recent months, there’s been an increase in discussions regarding the negative impact of social media on our children and teens. I don’t find any of this surprising and I’m sure we will see these issues continue to mount. Research is showing the connection between increased amounts of time spent on social media, and a decline in mental health. There have been significant and measurable increases in suicide. Emergency-department admissions for self-harm have increased. For example, between 2010 and 2014, rates of hospital admissions for self-harm did not increase for women in their early twenties or for boys and young men. They did, however, double for girls ages ten to fourteen. There has also been increase in anxiety, depression, and mood disorders in our kids. I am concerned that we are living in a world where our kids are being de-formed by the downside of online time, rather than being formed by God’s Word into the people they’ve been created to be.
One of ways that you can keep up with changes in today’s youth culture is to check out the word of the year. As culture changes, words that are no longer relevant are removed from the dictionary, and new words that have found a place in conversation are added. The folks at dictionary.com have labeled the word “allyship” the 2021 word of the year. Dictionary.com says that the word acts as a powerful prism through which to view the defining events and experiences of 2021. Allyship is defined as “the status or role of a person who advocates and actively works for the inclusion of a marginalized or politicized group in all areas of society, not as a member of that group, but in solidarity with its struggle and point of view and under its leadership.” The word has strong connotations related to the way our culture defines social justice. As followers of Jesus, we want to be sure we are advocating for others, but in cases where a lifestyle choice is sinful, our greatest advocacy should be to lead them into living into the will of God.
If you’re like me, there are two ways that I lose sight of what it is that we just celebrated on Christmas day. First, I’ve allowed the familiarity of Christmas to diminish the meaning. I grew up in a Christian home where Christmas was centered on the birth of Christ. Even though I value that heritage, I realize that the bible readings and Christmas hymns have become so familiar that I’m tempted to listen and sing without actually focusing on the wonder of the incarnation. Second, I’ve allowed the busyness, the rush, and all the cultural Christmas fluff to crowd out the silence that’s needed to really focus on the coming of Jesus Christ into the world to undo all that’s been wrecked by sin. In his Advent devotional, Paul Tripp writes these helpful words: This season, in the midst of all the celebrations and gift-giving, be careful to remember that at the center of what we celebrate is one game-changing, life-altering, hope-giving reality: grace is a person, and his name is Jesus.
A couple of weeks ago, I had my annual viewing of the classic movie, A Christmas Story. Like all good classic movies, there are a host of one-liners from A Christmas Story that just stick with you. One is Santa’s response to little Ralphie when he asks for a Red Ryder BB gun: “You’ll shoot your eye out kid!” Those words resonate with me because my boyhood was filled with annual requests for my own bb gun, something I was lacking but which all the other neighborhood kids had. I never got one. In hindsight, I now understand my parents’ decision and appreciate it as I see that in many ways, they were protecting me from myself. As I watched A Christmas Story this year, I got to thinking that parents today need to engage what might be called the “You’ll shoot your eye out kid” principle when it comes to putting a smartphone in the hands of a child not yet mature enough to handle the responsibility. Dr. Leonard Sax gives great advice: No smartphones in the hands of kids before the age of sixteen.
On this Christmas Eve, I want to share with you one of my favorite Christmas scripture passages. Perhaps you can share it around your table tomorrow. In the Gospel of Luke, we are told that eight days after his birth, Jesus was brought by Mary and Joseph to Jerusalem to be circumcised. While there, they took Jesus into the temple where an upright man by the name of Simeon took the infant in his arms. God had promised Simeon that he would not die until he had seen the Lord’s Christ with his own eyes. As he looks upon the Messiah, Simeon says, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” I can only imagine the joy that Simeon felt. This Christmas, our desire for you and your family is that you will all rejoice with great satisfaction in the coming of your Savior.
How important is Bible reading? The late theologian J.I. Packer says, “The ignorant Christian is a vulnerable one. We must know our Bibles and be clear on God’s works, will, and ways, or we shall fail in our spiritual warfare.” The good news from the American Bible Society’s 2021 State of the Bible research found that during the course of the recent pandemic, the number of adult Bible users increased. This is good news as not only do our children learn from our bible reading example, but as we read the Bible we ourselves are nurtured spiritually, which in turn equips us to nurture our children more effectively. The downside to the research found that only eleven percent of Americans say they interact with their bible daily. For evangelical Christians, only thirty two percent interact with their bible every day, while sixty-six percent use facebook, and thirty-nine percent use youtube on a daily basis. Read, study, and mediate on God’s Word daily. And be sure to teach your kids to do the same.
If our children came home from school, day-after-day, and we asked them “What did you learn?”, and they would answer, day-after-day “I learned that two plus two is five”, we would be diligent about correcting them. We’d also be wise to put them in another school. As the school of life catechizes our kids 24/7 in today’s world, we must be continually seeking to know what they are learning. And where we find that the cultural narrative has mis-educated them, we must offer diligently-dispensed correctives rooted in the eternal Truths of God’s Word. G.K. Chesterton reminds us of the courage it takes to lead truthfully in today’s world: “It is only the last and wildest kind of courage that can stand on the tower before ten thousand people and tell them that twice two is four.” Parents, the words of Joshua 1:9 ring true for us as we proclaim truth in today’s world: “Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
One of my favorite scenic spots is Bearskin Neck in Rockport, Massachusetts. As you stand on high ground, you get an awesome view of the Atlantic Ocean. But there’s one spot where you can look over the edge at a forty foot drop straight down into the shallow water and rocks. Because there’s not fence, parents nervously watch and hold on to their children to keep them from falling. This parental caution is warranted, and it serves as a great metaphor for how we should be protecting our kids as they are on social media. New research from the University of Michigan has found that half of our ten to twelve year olds and a third of those between seven and nine are now using digital devices to engage with others on social media. Sadly, thirty-nine percent of the parents of these kids say it is too time consuming to monitor their child’s social media use. Parents, not only are we letting our kids engage with social media at far too young an age, but letting them go there by themselves is foolish and dangerous.
If you have ever looked closely at the ebb and flow of cultural history, you realize that when old values are challenged, the pendulum typically swings too far in the other direction. Recently, many have challenged the old gender-role notion that a girl who loves to play touch football should never be allowed to play with the neighborhood boys. I would argue that this gender role notion is way too restrictive. In fact, I remember some of our best neighborhood players being girls who were girls and are still girls. But in today’s world, the pendulum is swinging in an extreme direction through what’s called gender creative parenting. In essence children are now allowed at even the youngest of ages to make choices that aren’t their choices to make, including embracing transgenderism. As Christian parents, we can’t allow or encourage our young children to freely live outside of the bible’s understanding of what it means to be male and female. Let’s nurture our kids into God’s good order and design.
With so many of our kids experiencing and being treated for depression, it’s important that we develop a biblical perspective on depression that will help us help our kids walk through the dark periods they may be experiencing. In his book Depression: A Stubborn Darkness, Ed Welch says that “depression is painful. It is a form of suffering.” Welch reminds readers that almost every page of scripture offers insights, direction, and encouragement about suffering, including the fact that suffering serves a purpose in our sovereign God’s grand scheme and design to bring us into conformity to His image. What does James 1:2-4 have to say about depression and suffering? – “Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Depression can be a catalyst for spiritual growth rather than a reason for despair.
In today’s appearance-oriented world, chances are good that your kids won’t get the right body-image perspective anywhere but from you. Of course, gaining the right perspective begins by showering your kids with love and acceptance that isn’t conditional on what they look like. It continues by carefully watching what we say to them regarding their appearance. Have you ever caught yourself criticizing them about their weight, body shape, or complexion? Those words not only hurt, but they affirm the faulty notion that “I am what I look like.” In today’s world, these words are especially hurtful. Instead, we should take the time to teach about the inward qualities of Godliness, something that is most powerfully taught through our words and example. Be sure your example includes responsible stewardship and care of your own body. Be sure your example doesn’t include an unhealthy obsession over your own appearance. Prayerfully work to develop your own inward character in a godly direction.
I love C.S. Lewis’s corrective to our culture’s mis-definition and misunderstanding of “love”: “Love, in the Christian sense, does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will; the state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people.” One place where I have seen true love lived out is between married people who have remained committed to each other through thick and thin, richer or poorer, sickness or health. . . through it all. I have also seen cultural “love” lived out as a temporary and fleeting emotion which is then used to justify divorce. Our kids need to grow up knowing the truth that sets us free and leads us into God’s Shalom in the midst of a culture telling them that “it’s all about you.” Expose your kids to the good example of couples living through the heartaches that sometimes come with the twilight years. Here are the words my dad used to drill into me: “Love is a decision.”
I’m guessing that we’d all be hard-pressed to remember one teacher from our childhood who never said, “No talking in class!” Educators from K to twelve know that learning requires focus and concentration. When distractions arise, learning is compromised. Remove the distractions, and more effective learning takes place. For that reason, it’s no surprise that during the pandemic, college students who had to resort to remote learning struggled with concentration, as remote learning typically took place in a distraction filled home. In addition, one survey of parents of children between the ages of eight and thirteen reports that the average parent believes their child has regressed two whole grade levels as a result of having to resort to remote learning. This reality hammers home our need to reduce distractions and multi-tasking as our kids engage with their studies. God wants us to develop our minds. A distraction-free environment helps that process.
When I was a young adult, a friend got me thinking more deeply when he said this: “You tell me who or what you daydream about, and I’ll tell you who or what your god is.” I’ve also heard it said that how we spend our money reveals both our priorities and who we are. Consider as well what Jesus says in Matthew 6:21: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Looking at the way our kids spend their money reveals not only who they are, but who their gods are as well. The folks at Piper Sandler marketing tell us in their latest research that teen spending is up six percent since the spring of this year. Our boys spend the most on food, clothing, and video game systems in that order. For our girls its clothing, food, and personal care. We need to push back on the cultural narrative and teach our kids that our money and possessions belong to God. Our role is to steward those resources to His glory. How would our spending habits change if we believed that to be true?
Today we finish our look at strategies for dealing with the materialism that becomes painfully obvious in our lives during this time of year. One of the most effective strategies I’ve experienced is to take a missions trip with your teen. One of my most memorable mission trips with one of my own kids took place when I traveled to the inner-city of Chattanooga with my then sixteen year old son Nate. The trip was sponsored by our church, and I volunteered to go along as an adult leader. God did amazing things that exceeded my expectations. I had time to talk with Nate and his peers for several hours on our drive to and from Chattanooga. While we were there, I worked alongside my son and his friends as a member of the team. Together we learned about poverty, community development, and God’s heart for the poor. When we returned from our trip we not only had a great memory, but an experience that changed our lives, cemented our relationship, and challenged our own priorities.
Today we continue our look at addressing the materialism that so easily rears its ugly head in our lives during the Christmas season. I’ve worked with parents for years and I’m the parent of four children myself. I know full well that in today’s world our tendency is to idolize our kids. We want them to have, do, and be more than anyone else. But we do them harm when we create a culture of childhood royalty by treating them like princes and princesses. What we’re doing is instilling a lifelong sense of entitlement that’s very hard to break. One strategy I have found personally helpful is to seek to uncover ways that I might be raising my kids to be selfish and self-centered. I want them to see beyond themselves to the world’s great need. As Christmas approaches, remind yourself of the fact that Jesus came into the world to rescue us from our selfish idolatry. When we worship Him, we will follow his will and way in grateful obedience for what He has done for us.
All this week we’re looking at strategies for addressing our bent towards materialism. . . a bent that rears it’s ugly head quite frequently during the Christmas season. Today, I want to encourage you to let your kids know that they are rich. I grew up thinking I was poor. There are numerous reasons for that, the most basic being that I saw myself as having less than those who had more, rather than one who had more than those who had less. We all do that don’t we? Then I learned my position in line if the world’s population was lined up from richest to poorest. I, along with you, would be standing in the front two percent of the line. We’ve been fooled and we’ve been fooling ourselves if we think we are poor. The bottom line is that we are rich. Once you communicate that fact to your kids, spend some time looking at what the old and new testaments have to say about the dangers of wealth, and the God-given responsibilities of those who have been given much.
This week we’re looking at ways to challenge the materialism that marks our lifestyles as we prepare for Christmas. Let me encourage you to tell your kids about Bob Pierce, the founder of World Vision, who started his organization after praying, “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” The scriptures reveal what lies at the heart of God. Six little words from Isaiah 61:8 capture the essence of it all: “For I, the Lord, love justice.” God’s great unfolding drama of redemption is all about the righting the wrongs that sin unleashed on the world. Things are not the way they are supposed to be. As God reveals Himself in the Bible, we can’t help but see His heart for the poor and desire for justice. Why not take some time to immerse your family in God’s Word as you prepare for Christmas. It will transform you into people who seek first the Kingdom. Teach your kids that God calls them to meet the world’s deep need by being his hands and feet wherever poverty and justice run amok.
Since the Christmas season is a chance for our materialistic bent to shine, this week I’m suggesting strategies for leading your kids out of these dangerous and disobedient attitudes. Out of sight, out of mind might be the cliché that best describes my own personal history of ignorance to anyone’s material needs but my own. During my childhood, poverty was something that flashed outside my car window as my family ventured from our comfortable and cloistered enclave in the suburbs on trips through inner-city Philadelphia. The slums were never our destination. They were simply a dangerous place to pass through quickly on a direct route somewhere else. The only emotion I ever felt was the relief that came with getting out of there. Helping the kids you know and love break free from such ignorance and cultural captivity can begin as you take deliberate steps to open their eyes to the world’s need through books, the internet, and personal visits.
When electronic cigarettes first hit the U.S. market back in 2006, health experts began to raise warnings regarding the dangers related to these new smoking devices. It didn’t take long for marijuana users to adopt the device as another way to get a buzz from ingesting cannabis extracts. A new study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association Pediatrics found that marijuana vaping by school-aged adolescents doubled between 2013 and 2020. In addition, the number of adolescents who reported vaping marijuana in the prior thirty days saw a seven-fold increase during that same time-period. Our kids are especially drawn to Cannabis oils, which when vaped deliver a more intense high through what’s known as “dabbing”. In fact, dabbing the oils in this manner delivers a potency three to five times greater than smoking dried herbal marijuana. With one in three 12th graders reporting that they’ve vaped marijuana, we need to turn up the intensity of our monitoring and warning.
Parents, are you at a loss for what to talk about at the dinner table with your children and teens? Are you wondering how to bring the light of the truths of God’s Word to shine on the cultural issues and realities that are influencing your kids? The marketing research folks at Piper Sandler recently released their list of the top ten political and social issues kids are thinking about and trying to navigate today. Listen to this list of issues and work to start and seize opportunities to talk about each. The number one issue for our kids at the present moment is the environment. The Scriptures certainly speak about creation care and stewardship of the earth. The remaining issues are racial equality, the situation in Afghanistan, the Coronavirus, Abortion, President Joe Biden, the economy, women’s rights, gas prices, and finally, LGBTQ rights. Ask you kids to list what it is they care about the most. Then, search God’s Word together for His perspective on the issues. This is a great way to nurture your kids.
Wes Hill starts his recent article in Christianity Today magazine with this sentence: “As I prepare to begin my tenth year as a seminary professor, I’m going to begin the biblical capstone class I’ll be teaching by recommending that my students consider taking up a habit they’re likely unfamiliar with: bringing an actual, physical, printed-and bound Bible to class.” Kudos to Dr. Hill for taking this step. The presence of smartphones and Bible apps, which are not bad things in and of themselves, has led more and more believers to never carry or read an actual paper Bible. Without a physical bible we can easily lose our sense of the Genesis to Revelation narrative of redemption. We are limited in our ability to understand context. It is more difficult to cross-reference passages. We don’t read as deeply on the screen. And, we are more easily distracted. With Christmas coming, why not set each of your kids up with the gift a good, old-fashioned, physical Bible?
The dictionary defines integrity as “firm adherence to a code of moral values” and “the quality of being complete or undivided.” Integrity describes a life that is united in a complete and consistent whole. An intregrated life is one where words, thoughts and actions consistently reflect the will of God for our lives. It is a life where one’s faith in God is woven in and through every area of life, including all that one does. . . even when no one else is looking. What can we do to counter the loss of integrity in today’s youth culture and lives of our kids? First, take stock of yourself and take corrective action where necessary. Second, map out a lifestyle of 24/7 integrity where your faith intersects with and permeates all of life. Live out your faith in your marriage, vocation, play, media use, sexuality, and conversation. And finally, map out a life of integrity for your kids by pointing out and challenging their duplicity in the context of a loving and supportive relationship.
One youth culture trend that reveals just how much the adolescent pressures of past generations have filtered down to the youngest of children, is the obsession our children have over clothing and appearance. Fueled by effective marketing, clothing brands have become idols for our kids. With Christmas shopping season in high gear, many of you have experienced this to be true, as even our youngest kids are asking for certain must-have brands of clothing. This year as in the past ten years, Nike is the number one favorite clothing brand among our kids. We can even purchase a pair of sixty dollar Air Jordan sneakers for toddlers, a reality which might say more about the brand image pressure parents feel long before their kids are even thinking about those kinds of things. Perhaps we still believe that he who dies with the most toys wins. Let’s not forget these words of Jesus, “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”
In the quest to discover and adopt an identity, the teenagers you know and love are looking for answers to questions such as: Am I worthwhile? What makes me worthwhile? How am I unique from others? Are those uniqueness’ good or bad? What makes me special? And most importantly, who am I? In a perfect world, all of our teenagers would accept proper guidance and be drawn to Godly identity-shaping models. They would understand themselves and find their identity in who they are as unique individuals created in the image of God for a relationship with Him. But we don’t live in perfect world. Life in a fallen world presents kids with two options: either finding one’s identity in Christ, or choosing to find their identity in something else. Our kids embrace idolatry when they base their value, worth, and identity on someone or something other than God. We must point our kids to Christ and pray that they would find their identity solely in Him.
On this thanksgiving day, I want to tell you about a moment when I felt incredible gratitude towards God. It was on a cold December night way back in 1983. That was the night when the first of our four children was born. First and foremost, I was incredibly grateful for my wife as I watched her endure the pains and work of childbirth. It was beyond impressive. And second, I was filled with overwhelming joy and thanks giving as I laid eyes on my first child for the very first time. I couldn’t sleep at all that night due to the excitement. I remember looking at my daughter and asking God, “What did I ever do to deserve this?!?” She was a gift. As with all my children, that little baby started to grow up. And by the time she reached her teenage years we would from time to time knock heads. Truth be told, there were moments where I asked the Lord, “What did I ever do to deserve this?!?” Parents, the bible tells us that our children are a gift from the Lord. And once a gift, always a gift!
It has been said that you can find anything on the internet. The reality is that all of us – young and old alike – are able to find and engage with everything from the good, to the bad and the ugly. A quick scan of tiktok, that video sharing social media platform popular among our kids, yields a surprising number of pro-anorexia hashtags that lead to videos which have been viewed by billions of young viewers. As if our kids don’t already face enough body image pressure to pursue unreasonable body shapes and types, these TikTok videos teach our kids how to pursue and indulge Anorexia Nervosa. Even kids who go to tiktok looking for dieting advice can soon find themselves clicking through video after video which leads them into the dark rabbit hole of pro-anorexia content which teaches them how to restrict food intake, fast, and even hide the disorder from their parents. Our kids need parents who teach them to find their identities in who they are as God’s image-bearers.
Do you remember your own middle school years? For most of us, it was brutal. Some things never change. Young peers can create, find, and point out all kinds of negative things in ways that are now sometimes defined as “bullying” or “harassment.” But if your home is place of refuge from that craziness, you will be instilling a healthy sense of resiliency that can sustain your kids through the pressure. One way to do this is to take the opposite approach of their peers. . . who are all too quick to point out and celebrate deficiencies. Look for and encourage your teen to develop their God-given gifts and abilities. Complement them on their successes. Point out their strengths. We need to be parents who are encouragers rather than discouragers. And, as we encourage our kids to develop their gifts, remind them of the importance of excellence. Exercising and developing one’s gifts and abilities is ultimately an act of worship. See and celebrate the uniqueness God has placed in your kids.
Parents often tell me about the social media and smartphone dilemma they face with their kids. “I don’t want them to be online and getting in trouble,” they say. “But I also don’t want them feeling left out from what all of their peers are doing and experiencing online.” If I may, allow me to give you permission to make a decision that might not only be unpopular with your kids, but which might feel like a decision to undermine their status among their peers. Recent college grad Theresa Olohan wrote a piece for USA Today entitled, “I grew up under a rock. My parents banned social media until I was seventeen I’m glad they did.” Olohan says she felt left out, embarrassed, and envious at the time. But she goes on, “I didn’t know at the time what a blessing it was to enjoy a childhood free of the constraints, anxiety and sadness social media often brings.” She had more time for other things, like face to face interaction. Parents, use wisdom regarding your kids and social media.
Think about the familiar parable of the Good Samaritan. Jesus told that story so that His followers would know that they should view anyone in need as a neighbor. He told about a Samaritan who gave everything in response to a wounded man’s need, and then instructed us to “go and do the same.” But here’s the rub for those of us who live in today’s world, including our kids. The message we’re encouraged to believe and follow is the exact opposite. Instead of looking out for others, we’re to look out for number one. In this kind of world, generosity decreases while selfishness increases. In this kind of world, there is a decline in civility. In this kind of world, our kids are encouraged to do anything and everything possible to get ahead of anyone and everyone else. We need to go against the flow of this selfish way of thinking and living. How? Carefully monitor your lifestyle, limit your consumption, increase your giving, get involved in justice issues. . . and encourage your kids to do the same.
Earlier this fall, a story making headlines in Louisville, Kentucky should cause us all to wake up and pay attention to the dark side of our online social-media-saturated world. In an effort to find friendship and affirmation, our kids are prone to reinvent themselves by fabricating an online persona that isn’t even close to who they really are. At times, they will lie about their age when engaging with others online, pretending to be older than they really are. That’s what happened when a fourteen year old Kentucky girl posed as a twenty-nine year old woman online. She began corresponding with a sixty-year-old man who contacted her through her school email address. He promised to buy her a new iphone in exchange for sexual favors. They met in a Walmart parking lot. Fortunately, the man was arrested. Parents, be aware that experienced predators are actively looking online to find victims they can groom. Warn your kids, and monitor their online behavior. Your kids are vulnerable.
Last month, as baseball’s world series was unfolding, the folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals announced a campaign to change the long-standing name of baseball’s bull-pen to the arm-pen. They’re reasoning, the name bull-pen is insensitive to the bovine population as it refers to the holding pens where cows are kept before slaughter. In baseball, a team’s relief pitchers stay in the bullpen as they wait to be called into a game. Now you might shake your head in disbelief at PETA’s campaign, but for many in today’s world this is serious business. This could include your kids as they are influenced by a cultural narrative that dehumanizes human beings, while humanizing the animal world. Take some time to address this story with your kids. Go back and read Genesis chapters one and two to gain perspective on God’s good creation of animals, along with the creation of his image-bearers who are to exercise responsible dominion over God’s creatures.
When I was high school, I remember the administration locking all the student bathrooms in an effort to get kids to stop smoking in school. It made for some interesting and difficult days. Recently, school administrators across the country have had to lockdown school bathrooms for a different reason. This time, the problem is disappearing mirrors, soap dispensers, towel holders, and even toilets as students engage in the latest TikTok challenge known as the devious licks challenge. To meet the challenge, students were initially posting videos of themselves vandalizing and stealing items stolen from their school bathrooms. Now, the challenge has ramped up as they steal from other areas of the school, taking signs, desks, and other fixtures while posting those videos with the #deviouslicks. For Christian parents, our role is to be aware of this trend, to teach our kids the way and will of God regarding stealing, and to respond to what they’re posting online.
Perhaps like me, you are scratching your head over the recent news reports about teenage girls who suddenly develop tics, jerking movements, and verbal outburst, which are usually symptoms of Tourette’s syndrome. As the story has unfolded, health care professionals report the common thread of these girls watching TikTok videos featuring social media influencers who actually have Tourettes. Movement disorders specialist Dr. Caroline Olvera believes this is a case of a mass sociogenic illness which occurs when behaviors, emotions, and conditions spread spontaneously through a close-knit group. In other words, watching the TikTok videos is a social media transmitted kind of infectious agent. Parents, we need to wake up and realize that our smartphones and social media, when used without borders and boundaries, can influence both us and our children in some surprising ways, including types of mass hysteria. Be sure to set social media limits for your kids.
Sometimes research will confirm what our intuition has already told us. That’s certainly the case when it comes to kids and obesity. Researchers have been warning us for years that a child’s heavy use of digital media is associated with the risk of being overweight later in adolescence. We’ve also learned that increased and regular physical activity gets kids off their chairs, on their feet, and moving around, which protects children from weight gain both now and in later adolescence. A recent study found that children who are engaged in heavy media use at the age of eleven, will decrease their risk of being overweight at age fourteen if they engage in more than six hours of physical activity a week. Again, this is common sense. Parents, there are many detrimental effects to overuse of digital devices. Set limits on screen time. In addition, require your kids to engage in the kind of regular daily physical play and exercise which will facilitate better stewardship of their God-given bodies.
In our rapidly changing world, it is essential that Christians tether themselves to the unchanging Word of God. We must teach our children to do the same. Listen to these words from theologian J.I. Packer: “We have to choose whether we will accept the biblical doctrine of Scripture as it stands, or permit ourselves to refashion it according to our fancy. We have to choose whether to embrace the delusion that human creatures are competent to judge and find fault with the words of their Creator, or whether to recognize this idea for the blaspheming that it is and drop it. We have to decide whether to carry through our repentance on the intellectual level or whether we shall still cherish our sinful craving for a thought-life free from the rule of God. We have to decide whether to say that we believe the Bible and mean it, or look for ways whereby we can say it without having to accept all the consequences.” Parents, nurture your children into knowing and living God’s Word.
Recently, while working at my desk in my office, I heard a loud bang at the intersection just outside my window. I quickly turned and saw a car with a hood that had crumpled as a result of rear-ending a pick-up truck. The young woman driving the car had a cellphone in her hand. Now I’m not sure if the cellphone had distracted her or if she was making a call, but what I saw did remind me of the dangers of texting while driving. New research finds that teens who use cellphones while they are driving are not only in danger of being distracted and wrecking, but they are also more likely to engage in other types of risky driving. The research found that forty-four percent of the teen drivers surveyed said they’d been in at least one crash, and seventy-three percent report cellphone use while driving. And those who report cellphone use are also more likely to engage in speeding, aggressive passing, and running red lights. Warn your kids, and teach them that driving is an opportunity to give glory to God.
After thirty years of living in our current house, we finally decided to put a shed in our backyard. This allowed me to begin the long-overdue process of cleaning out our garage by moving things into our new shed. After cleaning off a fifty year old rusty metal shelf we had in the back of our garage, I realized its poor condition warranted a trip to the dumpster. As I dismantled the old metal shelf, it dawned on me that I had helped my dad assemble that very shelf and others like it on a summer day way back in 1970. He was pastoring a new church and we were putting together these metal shelves so that he had a place to put his massive library around the walls of his new office. I got a bit emotional as I remembered my dad and how he had taught me to use tools, and how he required me to chip in and help from time to time. I also remembered his Christian faith and what he had taught me, all things he had learned from those books on his shelf. Parents, don’t ever doubt the power of your example.
One of the most frustrating realities facing college administrators and faculty is the rise in helicopter parenting. It seems that more and more parents are hovering over their college-aged children, running interference for them if they are unsatisfied with a grade. While helicopter parenting may be well-intentioned as parents think that they’re helping their kids out, it’s actually quite counter-productive. Our kids need to launch from high school into an independent life where they are functioning as adults, taking responsibility for themselves, and learning from both their good and bad decisions. If we are always covering for them or attempting to buffer them from the difficult realities of life, we are nurturing our kids into dependence, selfishness, and entitlement. Parents, if you are engaging in helicopter parenting to make yourself look good through your kids’ achievements stop. In fact, all helicoptering parent must stop. Let your kids learn from their mistakes.
Because of where they’re at in the developmental stage, our children and teens are extremely vulnerable to culture’s messages as they are engaged in the process of identity formation and worldview formation. These are the formative years where decisions are made regarding the beliefs and behaviors they will adopt for the rest of their lives. Because of this, social media and peer influence are strong formative forces. And in today’s world, the social media platform TikTok is a powerful influencer of kids. Researchers who have been looking at TikTok’s video content are sounding a warning that videos are influencing beliefs and behaviors regarding vaping. With a third of U.S. Tiktok users being younger than fourteen years old, we should be concerned that the survey found that positive portrayals of e-cigarette use were viewed over one-point-one billion times, including instructional videos showing vaping tricks. Monitor your kids online time, and tell them the truth about substance abuse.
Culture is what we believe, what we do and how we live our lives from day to day. It binds us to those who think and live in similar manner. It’s the values, attitudes and behaviors that drive how we live our lives. I’ve always found it helpful to view youth culture as the soup our kids swim in everyday. Consequently, if we want to engage students for the sake of the gospel, we’d better take the time to know what’s in the soup. In one of my local restaurants, the soup bar features three selections. I’ve watched how people choose their soup. They lift the lid off the pot, stir the soup, lift the ladle, and examine the soup’s ingredients. If they like what they see, they fill their bowl. If we are to effectively engage our students with the truths of the gospel, we must step up to their world, lift the lid and look carefully at the unique and ever-changing mix of cultural elements they swim in everyday. Are you taking the time to know and respond to your kids’ youth culture?
According to new research from our friends at the Barna Group, eighty-two percent of Christians between the ages of thirteen and eighteen say that it’s important for them to share their faith with others. And instead of embracing many of the older hard-line confrontational strategies for evangelism, these teens want to embrace a more conversational approach with their friends, allowing them to share their faith more naturally over time. In a day and age when research points to a decline in the number of those who embrace Christianity, this is a trend we can celebrate! Here at CPYU we want to recommend that parents and youth workers fuel this trend by engaging kids in deliberate Christian education and faith formation as they grow up, thereby ensuring that the faith that they share with others is truly biblical in nature. Don’t be afraid to teach and talk about the Bible and theology with your kids. Set the bar high. Respect their cognitive abilities. And pray for their spiritual growth.
A recent article in Atlantic Magazine is titled, “America has a drinking problem.” Those five words at the top of Kate Julian’s overview of our nation’s drinking culture and habits should cause us to wake up and pay attention. Among other things, Julian tells us that between 1997 and 2017, the number of alcohol-related deaths in the United Sates doubled, to more than seventy-thousand a year. Alcohol is now one of the leading drivers of the decrease in life expectancy. Julian notes that these numbers are sure to increase as a result of the pandemic, as during the pandemic the frequency of drinking rose, along with sales of hard liquor. Nearly a quarter of Americans said they’d been drinking more over the past year as a strategy for coping with their stress. We should be concerned about these trends. As Christian parents, our role is lead our kids, by example and by our words, into learning that our culture glorifies and worships alcohol use, and that drunkenness is wrong.
Parents, today I want to challenge you with this thought: Always be ready and willing to drop everything. Let your kids know that there’s nothing you aren’t willing to put on hold if they need you. Of course, you want them to learn how to be polite, not interrupt, and to discern those things that are of urgent importance from those that aren’t. But you want your kids to know that if they are in trouble or need, you will drop what you’re doing - no matter what that is – to be at their side to offer guidance, advice, love, help, and support. Be ready to open the door to your office, to pick up the phone, to leave work, or to cancel a trip when the responsibilities of parenting warrant it. Our kids are growing up in a confusing world that presents them with a seemingly never-endless stream of difficulties and challenges. As they navigate this world, they will come to you to seek guidance and advice. Always be ready to put secondary things aside, and then to put them first.
Almost three decades ago, researchers began to investigate the powerful role fathers play in the lives of their children and teens. There was concern that mothers were the parent most emotionally attached and attentive to their kids, while fathers spent more time outside the home pursuing career success and other interests. Realizing the crucial role that dads play in child and adolescent well-being, the fathering movement began to take off. More recently, researchers at Penn State University have looked at the role that close, accepting, emotionally warm, and supportive relationships with a father play in child well-being. Not surprisingly, the research found that dads who engage with their kids in this manner raise children who have fewer depressive symptoms, fewer weight and body image concerns, and higher self-esteem. Dads, you play a vital nurturing role. This is God’s purpose and plan for dads. And most important, dads must play an active role in spiritual nurture in the home.
Sometimes I’ve fallen into the trap of believing that if it looks good, it must be good. We can make the same error in the way we look at and judge our kids. We tend to believe that if their outward behavior conforms to Godly standards, then everything is alright on the inside. As a result, we sometimes put a premium on outward behavior, rather than on inward heart change. Jesus reminds us that we should shoot for the heart, not the behavior. When speaking about the Pharisees, He said, “These people honor me with their lips (or outward behavioral conformity), but their hearts are far from me”. While it might be easier on us if we demand and receive behavioral conformity from our kids, the reality that bears long-term fruit for the Kingdom of God is the obedience that flows not from fear, but from a changed heart. In other words, everything that looks alright might not be alright. Our goal should be to raise Godly children who honor Christ with their lips and their lives.
In today’s rapidly evolving cultural climate, it’s important that we pay attention to the beliefs and behaviors being embraced by our professing Christian children and teens. We want to know how well we are doing at training our kids to live into the Biblical narrative, rather than watching them fall prey to the cultural narrative on beliefs and behaviors. One place where we must be especially diligent is their view on marriage, gender, and sexuality. One recent study found the only thirty percent – or three out of ten teenagers – believe that marriage should be exclusively between a man and a woman. You might think that the statistic would be markedly more encouraging for our professing Christian teens. Sadly, that’s not so. Only thirty-six percent of Christian teens believe that marriage should be exclusively between a man and a woman. As adults, we must know God’s design for marriage. And, we must diligently teach and model that one man one woman design to our kids.
Did you know that more than one in three kids eats fast-food on any given day in the United States? One of the reasons for the popularity of fast food among our kids is the successful fast food marketing campaigns targeting impressionable young people. In twenty-nineteen, kids between the ages of two and seventeen saw an average of roughly two fast-food TV ads per day. Only one percent of those ads promoted healthy menu choices. The other ninety-nine percent promoted the full calorie meal options, or the restaurant chain in general. Researchers found that fast-food ad spending targeting black and Hispanic youth increased at the greatest rate. These groups already are at a higher risk for obesity and diet-related diseases. Experts are calling on parents and advertisers to support raising healthy children, especially in this day and age of childhood obesity. Parents, let’s work to teach our kids to make healthy diet choices as a way to honor the Lord by caring for their bodies.
It’s been said that “It takes a village to raise a child.” In our home, the village has included a variety of people including those who attend our church, neighbors, coaches, youth workers, grandparents, and teachers. Our village has also included Godly friends who have been present in our kids’ lives. Their presence has created relationships that have afforded them great opportunities to speak truth into our kids’ lives. Sometimes our kids have gone to those people to confide in them or seek advice in times of difficulty. At other times, the relationships have been strong enough for those adult friends to approach our kids to say the difficult things that need to be said. Sometimes it takes another voice to speak before these things are heard. Build those friendships, and you can bet you’ll be celebrating their positive and Godly influence on your kids more than once! And if your child clams up and won’t talk to you, ask him to talk to one of these other adults he knows and trusts.
All this week we’ve been looking at how to talk to our kids about the issue of pornography. My friend Nicholas Black, who helps people deal with sexual brokenness through his ministry at Harvest USA, offers these practical steps to take to help your kids flee from pornography. First, help them to honestly face the damage that pornography has done, while guiding them to hope in something better. When you truly see what porn has done to you, you can be compelled to change your habits. Help them to see that God has something better for them. Second, guide them into confessing their sin to God. Third, help them to embrace the forgiveness that can be theirs through the cross of Jesus Christ. Fourth, help them to discover the sin beneath their porn use, and address the triggers in their life. Fifth, establish a system of accountability. And sixth, set up borders and boundaries to keep them from accessing porn. God has a big plan for your kids and their sexuality. It doesn’t include pornography!
All this week we’re looking at how to talk to our kids about the issue of pornography. My friend Nicholas Black, who helps people deal with sexual brokenness through his ministry at Harvest USA, offers some suggestions on what to tell your kids about the dangers of pornography. Nicholas says that we need to emphasize to our kids that the use of pornography leads to sexual addiction. This is the visual equivalent of crystal meth, a powerful and destructive drug that creates an ever-present hunger for an even bigger high. With pornography, lust becomes a desperate, compelling force that overrides your sanity and takes control of your life. Jesus said, “Everyone who practices a sin is a slave to sin.” We need to tell our kids that Peter’s words in I Peter two-eleven are words to heed: “Abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.” Let them know that God will reward their faithful obedience, and their resolve to follow him away from pornography.
All this week we’re looking at how to talk to our kids about the issue of pornography. My friend Nicholas Black, who helps people deal with sexual brokenness through his ministry at Harvest USA, offers some suggestions on what to tell your kids about the dangers of pornography. Nicholas says that we need to help our kids see that pornography sabotages their future marital relationship long before they’re even married. In other words, a twelve-year old boy who accesses pornography on his smartphone is already jeopardizing his relationship with his future wife. Pornography has devastated the marriages of countless men and women because it was brought into the relationship beforehand, creating a scenario where a person is addicted to pornography, and therefore unable to be fully honest, truthful, and intimate with their spouse. Tell your kids, pornography is an activity done in secret that will never help you in real life. It only isolates you from real people.
All this week we’re looking at how to talk to our kids about the issue of pornography. My friend Nicholas Black, who helps people deal with sexual brokenness through his ministry at Harvest USA, offers some suggestions on what to tell your kids about the dangers of pornography. Nicholas says that we need to help our kids see that pornography will isolate them from healthy dating relationships. Viewing pornography is all about fantasy. It’s not reality. It removes sex from the intimacy of a marriage between one man and one woman, and makes it all about you. Pornography enslaves you to a thought life that is unable to acknowledge the needs and desires of someone else. Real intimacy requires an investment in someone else. Your kids need to know that indulging in pornography can make it difficult to develop genuine affection towards their boyfriend or girlfriend. God wants all of us to realize the intimacy for which He made us. Pornography shipwrecks it all.
All this week, I want to look at how to talk to our kids about the issue of pornography. Specifically, I want to share with you some suggestions from my good friend Nicholas Black, who helps people deal with sexual brokenness through his ministry at Harvest USA. Parents, it’s important for you to realize that your kids are growing up in a hypersexualized world where pornography is not only pervasive, but seen as a normal part of life. If your kids are like most, they have been taught to think that looking at pornography isn’t harmful, that everybody else is doing it, and that sex is natural. In essence, they think that they have control over their use of pornography. What was once seen as a vice is now seen as normal. Some Christian kids say that pornography is definitely wrong when you are married, but it’s ok for people before they are married. But your kids need to know that pornography is devastating, and that it negatively impacts their lives. We’ll start looking at how, tomorrow.
If your adolescent years were like mine, you remember riding the roller coaster of emotions. There were high highs and low lows. . . that sometimes alternated in minutes! As I’ve worked with teenagers and studied adolescent development over the years, I’ve learned that my experience is one that’s remained universal for all teenagers. I’ve often referred to the teenage years as the earthquake of adolescence. If you’ve ever seen people try to navigate an earthquake, you know that emotions run strong. We need to develop a sensitivity to this reality and respond to our kids accordingly. Here are three ways to help your kids. First, walk alongside them as their emotions waver, offering wisdom, steadiness, and advice. Second, encourage them to never make an important decision when their emotions are high or when they are low. And third, offer advice and help from God’s Word. A good place to start is by talking about the truths we find in the book of Proverbs.
In his classic book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis penned words almost seventy years ago that are incredibly timely and relevant today. Listen to what Lewis says about the biblical design for marriage and family. “Chastity is the most unpopular of the Christian virtues. There is no getting away from it; the Christian rule is, either marriage with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence. He continues, now this is so difficult and contrary to our instincts, that obviously either Christianity is wrong or our sexual instinct, as it now is, has gone wrong. One or the other. Of course, being a Christian, I think it is the instinct which has gone wrong.” These words from Lewis still ring true. Even though our cultural attitudes have changed, God’s will and way as contained in His word, the Bible, have remained the same. We must teach these truths to our kids in order to save them from the heartache of stepping out of God’s will. Our role is to lead them into finding freedom in following Jesus Christ.
Last summer, New York Magazine published the results of a survey of teenagers regarding their shopping habits. The magazine wanted to get a read on what’s popular among adolescents in 2021, specifically the thirty-one cool things to buy. As I read the article, I learned that Levi’s are now the favorite brand of denim. Square sunglasses are suddenly out of fashion and the kids are drawn to oval sunglasses. The popular scrunchie is losing ground to the claw clip that girls are using in their hair. And, kids even listed their favorite brand of condoms. You can learn a lot about kids by how they spend their money. Two big changes in terms of teen spending relate to the why and the how. In terms of the why kids buy certain things, they admit to being heavily influenced by celebrities and online influencers And in terms of the how, they are now using TikTok to shop. Parents, your kids are easily influenced. Teach them to embrace God’s standards for their money and spending, rather than the culture’s standards.
The Book of Proverbs reminds parents that we are to train up our children in the way they should go. As we read the Scriptures, we realize that the way they should go is in the life of discipleship. Recently, the folks at Lifeway research looked to discover the parenting practices present in families where children grew up to maintain their faith between the ages of eighteen and thirty. In other words, what are the factors that positively affect the moral and spiritual development of our kids? The research indicates that children who grow up to remain faithful followers of Jesus Christ grew up in homes where the following practices were present. First was regular Bible reading. Second was engaging in prayer. Third was integration into the life of the church beyond just regular attendance. Families and their children were involved in service opportunities. And finally, these children listened to and sang songs about the faith. Parents, are these practices present in your home?
Over the course of the last few years I’ve been working to follow the latest research on the fallout from those blows to the brain known as concussions. I’ve found the work of the Concussion Legacy Foundation to be particularly eye-opening and helpful. Their work on understanding the long-term effects of concussions and the link to developing Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy – or CTE - has fueled a much-needed growing movement to keep kids away from playing tackle football until the age of fourteen. While these measures do not prevent CTE, they do lower the odds. Research is now showing that a child’s odds of developing CTE double with every additional three years they play tackle football. Former NFL star Brett Favre has joined the chorus of voices issuing the warning. In a new psa that you can view online, Favre says that having kids play before high school is just not worth the risk. Parents, heed the warnings, and make decisions that protect the well-being of your kids.
With our kids being back in school and the school year now a month or so into full swing, it bears mentioning that this last year, parents spent an average of eight-hundred and forty-three dollars per child on back-to-school shopping. That’s up nineteen percent from the average of seven-hundred-and-seven dollars per child that was spent at the start of the twenty-twenty to twenty-twenty-one school year. The top things parents splurged on were clothes, school supplies, backpacks, and electronics. While back to school shopping is a necessity, I believe we should, as followers of Christ, ask serious questions about the amount we spend, and whether or not our spending is being done to meet needs, or to meet wants. The reality is that our kids put a premium on social acceptance, fitting in, and having the latest and greatest. As Christians, we are called to live counter-cultural lives, and how we spend our money should reflect that commitment. Let your kids know that things don’t bring happiness. True joy comes only in following Jesus.
In an effort to promote the athletic success of their kids, more and more parents are throwing caution and common-sense to the wind by not taking the necessary precautions that limit sports injuries. With the baseball playoffs now in full swing, we would be wise to consider the damage that can be done to the arms of young pitchers through overuse. Dr. Kevin Farmer, a sports med orthopedic surgeon at the University of Florida, says, “We’ve shown time and time again that kids who play more and throw more are at higher risk of injury.” Dr. Farmer warns about the dangers of high pitch counts and overuse of young arms. With more and more kids working to learn how to throw pitches other than fastballs, the mechanics needed to throw these pitches does damage to growing bones and muscles. A growing number of kids under the age of eighteen are requiring the radical step of Tommy John surgery to repair ligaments. Parents, lets use some common sense and keep our kids safe.
Late last summer, some very alarming news came out of Scotland that serves as a sign of our times, and as a warning for what’s trending in terms of beliefs and behaviors related to gender. Newsweek reports that Scottish children as young as four years old are now able to change their names and gender at their schools, all without parental consent. The Scottish government issued a seventy-page set of LGBTQ+ inclusivity guidelines, which include urging teachers to ask for and use students’ new names and pronouns. Schools are also being told that students should be allowed to use their preferred bathrooms and locker rooms. Scotland is also integrating more transgender characters into the curriculum, and creating new gender-neutral school uniforms. Parents, we must own the gender conversation and set the bar for biblical truth from a young age. We must teach our kids God’s creational design for the gender binary of male and female, a binary that was affirmed by Jesus in Matthew nineteen four.
Parents, today I want to raise your awareness and sound a warning about an internet site being used by online content creators and their fans. The site is called OnlyFans. It was launched back in 2016 to serve as a platform for performers like musicians and physical fitness instructors to post video clips and photos that could be accessed by fans who pay a monthly subscription fee to access the content. As you might imagine, the site which now has over two million content creators and one-hundred-and-thirty million fan users, quickly became a place for creators and even sex workers to post pornographic material. A little over a year ago, one creator promised to post nude photos of herself, and made over one million dollars within twenty four hours. Due to a much-deserved backlash, OnlyFans announced in August of this year that they would not longer allow sexually explicit content beginning October first. Six days later, they reversed their decision. Parents, monitor your kids online time!
I don’t know what life in your family was like when you were growing up, but in my house our parents did not allow us to leave the dinner table until our plates were cleaned. I quickly developed an eating strategy that began with a quick survey of what was sitting on my plate. There was always a mix of proteins, starches, and vegetables. If there was something on my plate that I did not like, it was usually a vegetable. My strategy was to eat what I didn’t like first, and then chase that down with the foods that I did enjoy. I was rarely made to stay at the table for the tortuous job of having to finish my meal with vegetables staring at me from my plate. In today’s world, it seems that fewer and fewer kids are even eating vegetables, and those that are are not eating enough. The CDC reports that just 2% of high school students eat the recommended daily amount of vegetables, and only 7% are eating the recommended amount of fruit. Parents, you can change that, as you teach your kids to steward their God-given bodies.
University of Pennsylvania Psychology professor Angela Duckworth has some great advice for parents that comes from the fruit of her research. Duckworth has been studying self-control in teenagers for several decades, and she has found that cell phones are now the single most potent temptation for adolescents. She has found that teens who keep their cell phone next to them with their screen and sound turned on while studying, get lower grades on their report cards than teens who keep their cell phone in another room while doing homework. In addition, grades are higher for those who put the phone out of sight, or who keep the screen and sound off. Duckworth recommends that parents assist their teens by implementing strategies for what is called “situation modification.” This involves taking intentional steps to change one’s physical surroundings to make it easier to resist temptation. In other words, remove the temptation. Parents, help your kids flourish on this digital frontier.
Parents, are you teaching your kids that this life is not all that there is? Are you teaching them to live in the here and now in light of eternity? There’s a question and answer in the old Heidelberg Catechism that is worth teaching and talking about with your kids. The Question is Question number thirty-two, “But why are you called a Christian?”
The Catechism provides an answer that reminds us of the glorious fact of whose we are, what we are, howwe are to live in this world, and the beautiful reality of what we have to look forward to when life on this earth ends. The answer reads, “Because by faith I am a member of Christ and so I share in his anointing. I am anointed to confess his name, to present myself to him as a living sacrifice of thanks, to strive with a good conscience against sin and the devil in this life, and afterward to reign with Christ over all creation for all eternity.”
We are called to live truly counter-cultural lives. This is a truth we must teach.
In recent years, we’ve all become aware of the short and long-term effects of athletes suffering concussions. I know. All four of our children were engaged in athletics, and each one has suffered at least one concussion. Now, a team of neurology specialists at Columbia University are telling us that there is a marked difference between the concussion rates of male and female athletes at the University. The team looked at the concussion rates of athletes from various sports between 2000 and 2014. They discovered that the concussion rates were fifty percent higher in women. Twenty three percent of the female athletes suffered concussions, compared to just fourteen percent for men. Other studies have confirmed these gender differences. Parents should take care to watch their sports-playing kids carefully. Learn the signs of concussions, and be sure that a medical professional takes the lead in post-concussion care. Parents, you are called to steward your children’s god-given bodies.
Have you ever experienced a mental fog? Signs of mental fog include issues with memory, attention, concentration, decision-making, and other cognitive functions. New research reports that people who smoke and vape are those most likely to report struggling with mental function, regardless of age. But researchers at the university of Rochester Medical Center found that kids were more likely to experience mental fog if they started vaping before the age of fourteen. While smoking and vaping are risky for everyone, we should be very concerned about kids who smoke and vape because of where their brains are in the process of brain development. The adolescent years are extremely critical for healthy brain development. Smoking and vaping have negative and lasting effects on that process. Parents, we need to go out of our way to warn our kids about the physical dangers of substance abuse, and educate our kids on how to worship God through the stewardship and maintenance of their bodies.
Today I’m speaking to you about a subject that I sincerely wish we didn’t have to address, but we must. The issue is teen dating violence. The CDC reports that dating violence is a widespread issue with serious long and short term effects. Approximately one-third of high school students report being hit, slapped, verbally abused, or physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the last twelve months. However, many teens are afraid to report victimization to family and friends. Dating violence can be physical, emotional, or sexual in nature, with social media feeding the opportunity to stalk and harass. Parents, this is a topic we need to broach with our kids as they grow up and move through adolescence. By modeling a marriage filled with God-honoring mutual respect we can set the bar for the standards our kids will live out and embrace as they grow up. Teach them that a relationship is not about what one will get, but about the self-sacrificing love one endeavors to give.
Our children need parents who will openly explain and discuss what is happening to their bodies. Most of these changes occur during the middle school years, when group acceptance is of the utmost importance and when peers – because of their own impulsivity and insecurities – tend to be most cruel and insensitive. A loving and sensitive parent can serve as a buffer in the midst of the type of ridicule that could scar a child’s self-image for life. While dealing with these pressures will still be difficult for your child, your positive input will serve to build resiliency into your teen. Offer your teen a godly perspective on the changes that are taking place. In addition to modeling the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ during the physically awkward years, Mom and Dad should temper the social pressure to be preoccupied with outward appearance. Teach your children about the inward qualities of godliness. Teach them that they are who they are, not what they look like.
One of the most astute cultural critics I’ve come to know and follow is Dr. Carl Trueman, a professor of biblical and religious studies at Grove City College. In a recent article in First Things magazine, Carl makes this observation: “our culture is more taken than ever with the notion that morality is a matter of taste.” In other words, we are living in a world where we no longer appeal to a commonly-held transcendent authority by which we are to judge our beliefs and behaviors as moral or immoral. Rather, we are all left to ourselves to decide through our emotions and intuition what is right for me, and what is wrong for me. And because my emotions and feelings are never stable, my understanding of right and wrong is always morphing and changing. Parents, this is what our kids are being raised to believe. As Christians, we know that God has spoken through his incarnate word Jesus Christ, and through his written revelation of himself in the Bible. God’s Word is the moral standard within which we find true freedom.
Because we live in a fallen and broken world where the effects of sin touch everything everywhere, we know that time and gravity are not kind to the human body. We experience the effects of aging, disease, and decay, with our ultimate end being the death of our physical bodies. Those of us who are older are aware of this, and many of us are suffering the consequences of lifelong bad habits and the toll they take on our bodies. But it’s not just those of us who are older. Dr. Robert Lager, a cardiac physician, is now sounding the alarm that teenagers need to be concerned about heart disease, even at their young age. He reports that there has been a rise in teenagers with plaque buildup in their arteries, which of course can lead to a greater risk of heart disease later in life. Lager says that one in six teens already have significant plaque buildup in their arteries. How can we help our teens steward their bodies? Tell them to avoid smoking, to eat healthy foods, and to exercise regularly.
It is a bad thing when we get swept up in the current of what the Apostle Paul calls “the course of this world”, leaving our minds and the ability to discern between truth and lies at the door. Rather than seeking to evaluate everything under the microscope of Biblical truth, we simply choose to believe and embrace the “truth” we like in the moment, and jettison that which we choose not to believe. It was over 25 years ago that social critic Gene Veith wrote these words that so accurately foresaw our situation today: “With no absolute canons of objective truth, the rational is replaced by the aesthetic. We believe what we like.”
As Christians, we should know and do better. The Psalmist says of Scripture, “The sum of your word is truth” . On the night before his death, Jesus prayed these words for his followers: “Sanctify them in the truth; you word is truth”. Teach your kids the truths of God’s word, and to look for truth where it can be found, that is, in the Bible.
New research, reported in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, is telling us that as teens use of social media has grown over the last ten years, so too has the suicide rate among young people. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death among those ages ten to thirty-four. Researchers found that while social media use had little effect on the suicidality risk for boys, there was a tipping point for girls. Girls who used social media for at least two to three hours a day at the beginning of the ten year study, back when they were about thirteen years old, had a higher clinical risk for suicide as they moved into emerging adulthood. It is believed that our girls are more susceptible to the negative effects of social media. Parents, all of our kids need parents and adult friends who love them simply because they are God’s divine image bearers. In the context of relationships marked by spending time together, we can not only communicate the life-giving truths of the Gospel, but build their resiliency.
It seems that just about every month I remind you of your need to facilitate the proper amount of sleep for your child and teen. After all, God created us for a need to live into a healthy balance of activity and rest, a truth that is evident simply from the fact that we need to sleep during every twenty-four hour cycle. I’ve shared research pointing to the fact that kids need nine hours and forty-five minutes of uninterrupted sleep per day for healthy growth and development. We’ve talked about how a lack of sleep piles up, causing all kinds of physical and mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. Today, I will add to this some new findings from a study conducted at the Norwegian Institute of science and technology. It seems that a lack of sleep now has future consequences, with those kids who don’t get enough sleep at night having a greater risk of developing depression and anxiety when they are older. Parents, help your kids develop healthy sleep habits now as a way to steward their bodies.
Parents, how are your praying for your children? I have found great resources that teach me how to pray for my kids as I reach back into church history. Some of the written prayers of those who have gone before us are helpful as we pray for our kids to navigate today’s youth culture to the glory of God. Consider this prayer from Samuel Rutherford, written in 1637: “Let them beware of glassy and slippery youth, of foolish young notions, of worldly lusts, of deceivable gain, of wicked company, of cursing, lying, blaspheming and foolish talking. Let them be filled with the Spirit, acquaint themselves with daily praying, and with the storehouse of wisdom and comfort, the good word of God.” I love the rich passion with which Rutherford prays for the young. I would encourage you to follow his example and pray without ceasing for your kids, that they would come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, that they would endeavor to follow him, and that they would glorify God in all things.
Some new research on the religious lives of members of Gen Z is worth pondering. After looking at ten thousand surveys and one-hundred fifty interviews with young people ages thirteen to twenty-five, The Springtide Research Institute separated respondents into the two categories of affiliated and unaffiliated. Researchers tell us that in the past, it was common to assume that if someone claimed affiliation with a particular religious tradition, there was a corresponding set of practices, beliefs, and identities that marked that person. But that’s changing. The research found that fifty-two percent of affiliated young people have little to no trust in organized religion. Almost one-third say they don’t think it’s important to have a faith community. And over twenty percent who say they are affiliated say they don’t try to live out their religious beliefs in their daily lives. One response is this: those of us who are older need to be investing ourselves in relationships with the kids in our midst.
In his wonderful parenting book, Age of Opportunity, Paul Tripp writes, “we need to face the fact that the harsh realities of the Fall are depicted in everyday family life. It is this humble admission that opens us up to one of the most wonderful functions of the Christian family. It is when we humbly face the reality of our falseness that we begin to seek and treasure the riches of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. As we – parents and children alike – face our need as sinners, the family becomes a truly redemptive community where the themes of grace, forgiveness, deliverance from sin, reconciliation, new life in Christ, and hope become the central themes of family life.” When mistakes, difficulty, and rebellion rear their ugly heads in your home – and they will – remember how your heavenly Father has treated you. If you’re like me, nothing your kids can do or say to you comes even close to your daily and habitual rebellion against your heavenly Father. Thanks be to God for His grace!
We believe that it’s only a matter of time until habitual smartphone use is listed officially as an addiction in the mental health community. One reason for this is that we know, anecdotally, that all of us who are smartphone users, young and old alike, find ourselves consistently drawn to those little hand-held screens and the rabbit-hole of the world that sits behind the glass. Researchers at King’s College in London have found that nearly forty percent of their students exhibited symptoms of addiction to their smartphones. These students reported feeling that their phone use was out of control and that being separated from their phones was a cause for major anxiety. They also report that their phone use kept them from doing other things that they knew they needed to do. As time marches on and smartphones become more entrenched in our culture and experience, our kids need parents who model God-honoring stewardship of their own time, and who set limits on screentime so that their own kids don’t get addicted.
Today, I’d like to share a prayer for ourselves and our kids as we navigate our confusing times. Lord, keep us from sliding with or without thought into the path of spiritual suicide, the easy contemporary path where we wander from your timeless and unchanging Word. Foster in us a keen awareness of our bent to wander, knowingly and unknowingly, off of your well-lit path of holiness and righteousness, and onto the over-populated dark path which is crammed with the world, the flesh, and the devil. May we clearly discern truth from error so that we might not diminish your image in any person, or remake you in our own image through the same rebellious pride that took our first parents out of the garden. Grant us grace that we may ever live under your authority, rather than falling into the deadly trap of believing that we can somehow force you to live under ours. Father, we pray that all of us, young and old alike, would hunger and thirst to live under your authority and your authority alone. Amen.
How will you respond to your children when they make a mistake or do something wrong? What will you say if your daughter turns her back on all that you taught her and winds up sexually active and pregnant? What will you say if your son gets suspended from school for fighting? What will you do if you find drug paraphernalia in your teen’s room? What will you do if your daughter gets arrested for shoplifting? Remember that just like you and me, your teen’s sinfulness is the greatest problem they face. All teens will encounter temptation and all teens will make sinful choices. The determining factor in whether or not a bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse will depend on your response. Let me suggest that your goal should be to redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for your teen to become a more Godly and Christ-like person. Treat them with the same grace your Heavenly Father treats you when you are the offending party.
Over the last few years you’ve probably heard the arguments, pro and con, about the legalization of marijuana for recreational use. A study out of the state of California has looked at trends in marijuana use since the drug was first legalized in the state back in 2016. Researchers analyzed data from more than three million seventh, ninth, and eleventh graders, who answered questions about their marijuana use from the 2010-2011 school year, up until 2018-2019. The research found that between the 2017-2018 school year and the 2018 to 2019 school years, a time after pot was legalized for adults, marijuana use by kids over the past thirty days grew twenty-three percent. In addition, the likelihood of lifetime marijuana use rose by eighteen percent. These trends are alarming. In the past, we’ve discussed the dangers of illicit drug use, especially for those whose brains are developing during adolescence. Parents, regularly talk to your kids about the legal, physical, and spiritual reasons to avoid drugs.
In a recent article in First Things magazine, respected social researcher Mary Eberstadt reflects on the unique blend of circumstances that led up to the explosive events in our country during 2020. Eberstadt believes that our collective lives are already unstable for a variety of reasons. But she says that one major factor at play is the crisis of fatherlessness that has been building in our culture for the past fifty years. Children and teens are growing up without the deep nurturing and formative relationships they should be having with their fathers. You see, our kids have been made for relationships, and one of the primary relationships for which they’ve been made is with a dad. Without that, kids search for father substitutes, and membership in extremist groups becomes a street family for a child. Dads, we cannot emphasize enough the value of your role as you spend both quality and quantity time with your kids. Love them. Care for them. And above all, nurture them in the Christian faith.
One of the beautiful realities of life as a human being is that we have been made by God for relationships. Our own personal experience tells us that when we are in healthy relationships we flourish. But when our relationships are strained, difficult, unhealthy, and even broken, our well-being is undermined. Bad relationships take a toll. We shouldn’t be surprised that new research is telling us that teenagers who have strong relationships with their teachers have better overall mental and physical health outcomes in adulthood. The study collected data on twenty thousand American students, tracking them from seventh grade into early adulthood. This research should spur us to support our teachers, providing them with training opportunities for learning how to better connect with students. In addition, we should be praying for our teachers as they have to navigate so many difficult issues in today’s world. And teachers, realize the powerful life-shaping you role in your student’s lives.
My friend, youth pastor and writer Mike McGarry, offers some great advice to youth workers and parents on how to prepare students for a lifelong faith. This is important to consider as the research consistently points to the fact that far too many kids are not only graduating from high school, but graduating or walking away from the faith as they enter young adulthood. Here are Mike’s four best practices for facilitating a lifelong faith. First, apply the Gospel to everything. Help them see that Christ not only come to save them, but to lead them into faithful God-glorifying living in every square inch of their lives. Second, teach them to love the church. Engage them not only with their peers, but with the full spectrum of believers in your local body. Third, dream big biblical dreams for your kids. Pray that they would grow and mature in their faith. And finally, give kids the opportunity to lead and even fail. A deepened faith is the fruit of real-life struggles. Don’t coddle your kids.
When people my age were kids, there were only two ways to hear your favorite songs. One was to buy the record and play it over and over again. The other was to wait until the DJ played the record on your favorite radio station. In today’s world, you and I get to listen to our favorite songs from our own adolescence on demand, and it usually makes us smile as we think back. The findings of a new study explain why you and I love to find and stream the music from our teenage years. It appears that there is what is called a musical reminiscence bump that leads people to disproportionately recall memories from when they were ten to thirty years old. And, because we experience more unique self-definition experiences during this period of life, the music we listened to becomes closely entangled with those memories. What this means is that the music we listened to during our younger years sticks with us for life. Parents, introduce your kids to good music as a way of making lifetime memories.
Those who have read and understood the Bible know that throughout the course of Biblical history, God called certain people to speak his truth in his name. The Bible includes both a written record of the utterances of these prophets, along with several books of prophecy. When these divinely called and inspired prophets spoke, their words were the commands and revelations of God. I suggest that our approach to parenting our children be “prophetic,” Being prophetic in our relationships with our teens is an intentional effort on our part to both know and communicate the truths of God’s Word and how those truths speak to every area of their lives. In effect, it is the intentional process of looking for opportunities to speak biblical truth into their lives, showing how God’s Word and the Christian faith speaks and relates to all of life. It is the process of imparting Godly wisdom to our children and teens. Parents, your kids need you to speak Biblical truth into their lives at every opportunity.
We continue to remind parents that they are the ones primarily responsible for the sex education of their children. And with kids picking up mis-information from outside sources at younger and younger ages, we’ve also reminded you that whoever speaks first to a child on these matters will set the bar for truth and will own the conversation. Parents, be diligent in learning about the sex education their kids are receiving in school. In a world where the gender binary instituted by God is disdained, we encourage you to speak to your kids about God’s order and design for gender, and to be aware of what your school is teaching. For example, in new York state, there is currently a bill under consideration to mandate instructing kindergarten kids that gender identity is fluid. Kids will be taught that hormone blockers are available in order to avoid growing through puberty into the wrong gender. Parents, you need to know and teach God’s good design for sex and gender.
Way back in the 1970s media critic George Gerbner coined the term mean-world syndrome. In his research, Gerbner was finding that viewers who were exposed to a growing amount of violent television content were more apt to experience an increased level of anxiety, stress, fear, and pessimism in response to perceived threats. In other words, what they were watching on tv, both fictional content and news reports, created a sense that the world was far more dangerous than it actually was, thus leading those viewers to live in fear. Since then, developmental experts have voiced concerns about how mean-world syndrome is effecting kids. In today’s world, 24/7 access to online content has created a phenomenon known as doomscrolling or doomsurfing. Smartphone addicted kids and adults scroll through an almost endless stream of negative perspective shaping online content. The antidote? Lets get our kids to shut down and spend more time in the good news of God’s word.
According to new data from the Pew Internet and Life Project, sixty-four percent of Americans say that social media has a mostly negative effect on the way things are going in the United States today. Only ten percent of Americans say that social media sites are having a mostly positive effect on the way things are going. The remaining twenty five percent of Americans believe that social media has neither a positive or negative effect. Judging from what I’m seeing, hearing, and experiencing on social media, I would fall into the sixty four percent. And, I’m concerned that our kids are growing up in a world where social media is largely a playground filled with negativity, including things like bullying and almost endless arguing. Parents, your kids will be engaging with social media for the rest of their lives. Now is the time to teach them how to follow Jesus onto the social media landscape. Teach them that they should exercise a redemptive presence that consistently brings glory to God.
Parents, what are you teaching your kids about the presence of pain and suffering in their lives? Are you preparing them to face whatever difficulties life may bring by immersing themselves in what the Scriptures teach about the formative role adversity plays in our lives? In Psalm one-hundred-nineteen verse seventy one, the Psalmist writes, “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.” Theologian J.I. Packer writes these words about suffering: “The fact is that God uses chronic pain and weakness, along with other sorts of affliction, as his chisel for sculpting our souls. Weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. And the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually, even while our bodies waste away.” Those are good words that reflect the truths of Scripture, and that we must not only embrace for ourselves, but teach to our kids. The fact is, suffering is redemptive.
One of the best ways to track cultural changes is to look at the new words that make their way into the dictionary each and every year. Back in January, the Merriam-Webster dictionary added a two-word phrase that is worth pondering for the simple reason that it describes what I believe to be a character flaw that can very easily become a habit. The phrase is “performative disapproving”. It refers to a kind of online digital human interaction where a person posts a meme, a picture, or a statement that communicates a dislike for or an objection to something. Last year’s political, Covid, and racial divisions created an environment where performative disapproving was widespread. But when the stated objections are made purely as an act of show to bolster one’s image or to make a positive impression on others, it is not an act rooted in conviction, but in dishonesty. The Scriptures tell us that we are to tell the truth. And, we are not to find our identity, value, or worth in the approval of others.
A growing body of research points to the fact that our kids are living pressure-filled lives. As parents, we can pile on the pressure when we lay unrealistic performance and achievement expectations on our kids. While there’s nothing wrong with taking a healthy interest in our kids’ lives, it’s dangerous to live vicariously through them. When our own insecurities lead us to push them to become all we never were, or to accumulate all that we never had, we force them to become something they are not, nor were they ever intended to be. If you grew up in a situation like that yourself, you know firsthand about the incredible weight this approach puts on a child’s shoulders. Think about each of your kids and ask yourself this question: “Am I pushing my child to be or do something they were never meant to be or do because of my own desires or insecurities?”Let’s point our kids in God’s direction, rather than our own.
With the school year set to begin once again, there’s a good chance that your local school district will soon have to navigate the same difficult issue some districts local to us have had to navigate over the course of the last few months. What will you do when a male athlete decides to identify and transition to female, and then join a girls’ sports team? While there are many variables at work here, two of the issues relate to fairness and to privacy. What happens when a male athlete transitions and then dominates the field? And how will our girls navigate issues related to locker room and bathroom safety and privacy? Now is the time to determine policies related to this trend. Current Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona is on record as telling ESPN that transgender girls have a right to compete, and he suggested that the current administration will step in to protect these student’s civil rights if states choose not to. Let’s pray and seek God’s wisdom on how to best respond to his glory.
I often hear youth workers say, “All I want to do is bring kids to Jesus.” None of us can argue with these intentions. We all want to see our children and teens come to saving faith in Jesus Christ. But we must be diligent in not only desiring our kids to come to faith in Christ. We must also realize that when that happens it’s not the end all be all. Rather, the hard work of discipleship begins. Coming to Jesus is the start of following Jesus. As you nurture the kids you know and love in the faith, remember these words from James Boice: “Without obedience there is no genuine Christianity. Those who are truly Christ's sheep both hear and obey his call from the beginning and thus enter a life in which obedience is a chief characteristic. . . Following Jesus is not only a door to be entered but a path to be followed, and the true disciple proves the reality of his discipleship by following the path to the end. A true disciple is one who follows Christ to the end of everything."
My friend Duffy Robbins offers some great advice for helping kids translate biblical truths into everyday life. Duffy says that a wise doctor spends focused effort on touching, testing, and probing to be certain she can offer a targeted prescription for her patient. The same holds true for those of us who are doctoring teens spiritually as parents, youthworkers, teachers, and pastors. Duffy says that when we explore biblical truths with our kids we want to probe in order to discover where their pain is, where they are feeling and living with guilt, and how the cure might best be applied in each of their lives. This type of approach reminds us how important it is to listen to our kids before we attempt to speak. When we take the time to listen first, we are more apt to communicate and prescribe helpful remedies that speak directly to their lives, hurts, and longings. This type of technique moves kids towards specific, personalized applications of God’s life-giving Word.
J.I. Packer writes, “The way we behave as children and parents is a prime test of both our humanity and our godliness. Love – the caring love of parents who respect their children and want to see them mature, and the grateful love of children who respect their parents and want to see them content – is our great need.” Dr. Packer continues, “In these days it is urgent that parents and children together relearn the ways of Christian family life. In the West, yesterday’s extended family has shrunk to today’s nuclear family; social security and community affluence has reduced the family’s importance as an economic unit, and all this has weakened family relationships. Parents are too busy to give time to their children, and young people, identifying with current youth culture, are more prone than ever to write off their parents as clueless. But the fifth commandment recalls us to God’s order.”
Parents, are you teaching your kids to count the cost of following Jesus? They need to know that followers of Jesus are expected to encounter opposition and hostility. In the beatitudes, Jesus tells us, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” We must realize that in the midst of opposition, God is galvanizing our faith and the faith of our children. In her book 10 Questions Every Teen Should Ask and Answer About Christianity, Rebecca McLaughlin writes, “the Christian faith sprang up in a world that was violently hostile to its claims. But rather than extinguishing the small spark of the early church, the winds of opposition gave it oxygen to spread.” Pray that your kids would grow through their difficulties.
All this week I’ve been passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, The Contemporary Christian, Stott describes who we have been called to be as the church of Jesus Christ. Sometimes, in an effort to protect our kids from the influence of the world, we fail to teach them what it means to truly follow Jesus. Stott writes, “the church is a people who have been both called out of the world to worship God and sent back into the world to witness and serve. These are, in fact, two of the classical marks of the church. According to the first, the church is holy, called out to belong to God and to worship him. According to the second, the church is apostolic, sent out into the world on it’s mission.” Parents, each of us is both called and sent. The same holds true for our kids. Are you modeling what it means to live in, but not of, the world?
All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, The Contemporary Christian, Stott writes about the need to listen carefully to the voices in our culture that express the deep, deep brokenness that exists. As one who studies youth culture, I can tell you that we hear those voices everywhere in the world of our young. Stott writes, “Unless we listen attentively to the voices of secular society, struggle to understand them, and feel with people in their frustration, anger, bewilderment and despair, weeping with those who weep, we will lack authenticity as the disciples of Jesus of Nazareth. Instead, we will run the risk of answering questions nobody is asking, scratching where nobody is itching, supplying goods for which there is no demand. In other words, of being totally irrelevant.” Parents, let’s listen and listen intently.
All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, The Contemporary Christian, Stott reminds us of the need to listen, something I know I far too often overlook in my family relationships. Stott writes, “One of the most important, and much neglected ingredients of Christian discipleship is the cultivation of a listening ear. Bad listeners do not make good disciples. The apostle James was clear about this. His strictures on the tongue as a restless evil, full of deadly poison are well known, but he has no compatible criticism of the ear. He urges us not to talk too much, but seems to suggest that we can never listen too much when he says, ‘everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.’”
All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, The Contemporary Christian, Stott reminds us that because we are human beings created by God, we have been made with an insatiable thirst for God. This holds true for our kids. . . even those who don’t seem like they care about spiritual things. Stott writes, “All human beings are aware of an ultimate personal reality, whom we seek, and in relation to whom alone we know we will find our human fulfillment. Even when we are running away from God, instinctively we know that we have no other resting-place, no other home. Without him we are lost, like waifs and strays. Our greatest claim to nobility is our created capacity to know God, to be in personal relationship with him, and to love him and to worship him.” Parents, your teens, do indeed, long for God.
All this week I want to take time to pass on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, The Contemporary Christian, Stott challenges us to listen carefully to both God’s Word, and to the world. He writes, “We listen to the Word with humble reverence, anxious to understand it, and resolved to believe and obey what we come to understand. We listen to the world with critical alertness, anxious to understand it too, and resolved not necessarily to believe and obey it, but to sympathize with it and to seek grace to discover how the gospel relates to it.” Stott’s directive is especially helpful and necessary for those of us who want to share the Good News of the Gospel with the emerging generations. Like foreign missionaries, we need to know both God’s Word and the culture of our mission field. What are you doing to listen carefully to both?
I had to laugh when I recently read an article about the reasons why children of the 1970s should all be dead. The humor piece looked at all the evidence pointing to the fact that back then, parents didn’t worry as much about the health and safety of their children. The article listed things like allowing kids to play in the yard with lawn darts, cars without seat belts, hot conducting metal playground equipment, the absence of bicycle helmets, and the ever-presence of second-hand smoke. Now when you look at the list you realize that we have made some very important strides in how to wisely protect our kids. But have we gone too far? More recently, social critics have noticed that parents are now coddling kids in ways that keep kids from experiencing the kinds of healthy stress that leads to growth into adulthood. When we shield our kids from opportunities to learn how to navigate difficulties or the negative consequences of their actions, we might be causing long-term harm.
Researchers at the Barna Group recently worked with the team at the American Bible Society to release their state of the Bible 2021 report. Their research tracked how the population perceives and engages the Bible. One encouraging finding is that one in six adults in the united states is still reading the Bible most days during the week. While it might seem strange to call the fact that sixteen percent of U.S. adults reads the Bible on most days encouraging, you have to realize that this was an increase from the twelve percent who did the same in 2020. We should hope and pray that this trend will continue to move upward. One way to ensure that this will happen is to take seriously our responsibility to nurture our kids into daily bible reading through our parenting and our youth ministries. Psalm one-hundred nineteen, verse one-o-five says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and light to my path.” God has made us for himself. We can only know and follow him as we know and obey his word.
In his sermon on the mount, Jesus offered a very clear picture of the two options we all have as we travel through life on this earth. He said, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” As I read and ponder those words I feel a mixture of great joy and great sadness. My joy comes from having experienced the grace of God that has called me onto the narrow path. My sadness comes from knowing friends and family who have chosen the path to destruction. And so, I share this short prayer from Scotty Smith: "Holy Spirit, for our family members and friends who are living like destructive idiots and senseless morons, do whatever it takes to save them from themselves. Arrest them in their foolishness and spare them with the fullness of your grace. To the meadows of their madness, bring the grandeur of your goodness."
Earlier this summer I was mowing our grass when all of a sudden I heard the sound of some frantic squawking. I noticed that the panicked chorus of noise was coming from a pair of adult robins who were close by and monitoring a fluffy adolescent robin who was just learning how to fly. Both of the adult birds, who I assumed were mom and dad, were not leaving junior to himself to try to figure out how to survive and flourish in the world beyond the security of the family nest. The adult robins were not only watching the young bird stretch his wings, but they were keeping an eye out for dangers the bird must learn to avoid, including a large human being pushing a loud lawn mower. What a lesson-filled metaphor God has given us in what it was I witnessed. Our children are a gift to steward. Our role is to train them to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord. As they leave the nest, we follow, watch, lead, and intervene to protect them from harm and to provide for their well-being.
When we first started monitoring youth culture here at CPYU, smartphones did not exist. Kids who spent time in front of a screen did so with televisions. It was long before there were connections being made between time spent watching television, and obesity among kids. Now, researchers are looking at the relationship between smartphone use to diet and weight among adolescents. One recent study found that even moderate smartphone use may influence the dietary choices and weight of teens. Kids who used a smartphone more than two hours a day were significantly more likely to eat more junk food and fewer fruits and vegetables that those who spent less time on their phones. Teens who spent more than three hours a day on their phones were significantly more likely to be overweight or obese. Parents, there are many reasons to monitor online time. Because our teens need to learn to steward their God-given bodies, we must intervene to make sure they are exercising and eating wisely.
Researchers at the CDC recently surveyed more than fourteen thousand high school and middle school students about their use of e-cigarettes. The good news is that between 2019 and 2020 the number of students who say they have used an e-cigarette have dropped significantly. In 2019, over twenty-seven percent of high schoolers reported using an e-cigarette. That number dropped to twenty percent in 2020. Among middle schoolers, the number dropped from over ten percent in 2019, to five percent in 2020. It seems that education, legislation, and enforcement are working. But far too many kids are still using e-cigarettes. Researchers are right to sound the warning that e-cigarette use is a gateway to worse health habits as adults, including moving to conventional tobacco cigarettes. In fact, researchers have found that many who use e-cigarettes at age twelve, have made that switch by age fourteen. Parents, warn your kids about the physical and spiritual dangers of substance abuse.
Over the course of the last few months, my wife and I have been watching Call The Midwife, a long-running BBC television series about a group of nurse-midwives working in the East End of London in the late 1950s into the 1960s. During each and every episode, we get to watch the midwives deliver one, two, or three babies. The joy with which they do their jobs reminds us that each birth is truly miraculous, and each baby is a precious divine image-bearer. We have also been reminded that our children are being born into a broken world that could so easily misshape them as they grow up and come of age. But we also recognize the high calling and privilege of Christian parenting as we nurture our kids in the life-giving message of the Gospel. Never forget that a child’s life is fertile soil. Any seed planted will grow, both seeds of weeds and seeds of righteousness. May we ever be mindful of our role as gardeners as we steward God’s good gift of our children.
As parents, we are called to lead our children into hearing, understanding, and living according to the truths of God’s Word. That also means helping our kids spot the culture’s lies. Pornography tells lies. As an expression of brokenness, pornography takes God’s good gift of sexuality and twists it all around. And the deeper we go into pornography, the more we are convinced that the lies are not lies, but that they are truth. Here are some of the lies we must help our kids understand. People are objects to be used for our own pleasure. Using pornography will make your life better. Sex is purely a recreational sport. The main purpose of sex is to have your own personal needs met. Pornography doesn’t hurt anyone. To dominate someone is more fun and enjoyable than marital intimacy. Parents, expose the lies of pornography that destroy God’s good gift of sexuality. Because these lies are pervasive, so must be our bold proclamation of the truth.
Here at CPYU, our online Digital Kids Initiative continues to grow in an effort to help parents guide their kids into safe and wise use of God’s good gift of technology. Two of the terms I’ve been using as I talk about technology are digital immigrants and digital natives. These helpful titles were first coined by Marc Prensky back in 2001. Those of us who are adults are digital immigrants. We weren’t born into a world filled with social media, smartphones, and technology. We somehow arrived here and have had to learn how to navigate this new landscape. Our kids, on the other hand, are digital natives. Social media, smartphones, and technology are familiar to them because they’ve always been part of the world of the younger generations. One of the dangers of being a digital native is that you might not be aware of the dangers that lurk in the world of technology. Parents, don’t be ignorant. Your job, difficult as it may be, is to learn what you can in order to help your kids engage wisely with technology.
Our world is a broken place. Things are not the way God intended them to be. This reality is clearly evidenced in the rise and spread of dating violence. This includes being physically abused, sexually abused, or experiencing threats of physical harm. One of our responsibilities is to protect our kids from dating violence by helping them to understand the signs of an unhealthy relationship. These include insults and name-calling, threats and intimidation, and being told what to wear, what to do, and how to act. Other signs include an inability to control one’s anger, serious drug and alcohol use, and a history of violent behavior. In addition, dating violence is often perpetrated by someone who is possessive, preventing you from spending time with your family and friends. God wants all our relationships to reflect the love evidenced within the relationship of the Trinity. Warn your kids about dating violence and its signs.
Way back in 2007 I remember watching the film Juno, a coming of age comedy and drama about a sixteen year old high school student who finds herself pregnant. The star of the movie was Ellen Page, who at the time was a twenty year old actress. A few years later, in 2014, Page came out as gay and later married dancer, Emma Portner. More recently, in December of last year, Ellen Page announced that she was transgender and was changing her name to Elliot. At the end of March, Page appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, and announced the completion of a surgical procedure to remove Page’s breasts. Then, in late May, Page posted a post-surgery Instagram photo that went viral. Page appeared shirtless, sporting six-pack abs and new body. In today’s rapidly changing youth culture, these high profile stories set the bar for normalcy for our kids. This is why need to re-set the bar according to God’s standards for sexuality and gender. This conversation is one that should be ongoing in our families.
As we continue to come out of the difficult months of the pandemic, researchers are learning more and more about the fallout of Covid-19. An international team of researchers from the United States and China have found that the rates of myopia, or near-sightedness, among young children were three times higher during the pandemic than they were during the previous five years. This uptick among children ages six to eight is believed to be caused by children spending less time outdoors and more time in front of digital screens. This finding is consistent with pre-pandemic research that connected the use of digital screens with a doubling rate of teens needing glasses between 2012 and 2018. Parents, God has blessed us with the gift of our eyes and our eyesight. All of us know that as we age, our eyesight tends to decline. Our role is to help our kids steward the gift of their eyesight by encouraging healthy habits. One good step in that direction is to limit their screen time.
One of the cultural mantras you will hear in today’s world is this, “love is love.” In fact, you are likely to hear your kids use the love is love phrase as an expression of their beliefs regarding sexual and gender diversity. The urban dictionary defines the love is love phrase as meaning that the love expressed by an individual or couple is valid regardless of the sexual orientation or gender identity of their lover or partner. As Christian parents, we need to counter this misunderstanding of love by communicating what the bible says about love. The Bible teaches us that God is love. Rebecca McLaughlin writes, God gives us glimpses of his love through different kinds of relationships, including parent to child, husband to wife, and friend to friend. She continues, In the Bible, human marriage is a picture of Jesus’s relationship with his people. This is a faithful, exclusive, life-creating, never-ending love, and and it is a love across differences. Teach and model what it means to live into God’s design.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, twenty six percent of women say they experienced some form of teen dating violence before they reached the age of eighteen. Sadly, most parents might hear this statistic, but wind up believing that dating violence only occurs with other people’s kids. Don’t be fooled. Dating violence can happen to anybody in any relationship. As parents, we must help our kids understand what a healthy relationship looks like, along with warning them about the kind of dating behaviors that signal trouble. We must also let them know that they have the freedom to come to us to report any concerns, knowing that we will protect them from harm and provide for their well-being. In addition, we must teach our kids how to treat others with God-honoring dignity and respect. They must learn that every human being is a divine image bearer marked by value and worth. Any sort of verbal or physical abuse that disrespects the other, is wrong.
One shift that’s taken place in youth culture over the years is the way that kids live out their friendships with their peers. In year’s past, kids were more prone to intervene and warn their friends if they saw their friends making dangerous or immoral choices. It wasn’t always easy to do so, but issuing warnings was seen as being virtuous. But that has shifted over the years as moral relativism has taken root and grown. In today’s world, it is seen as virtuous if you allow and even encourage your friends to choose to do what seems right to them. Even if I believe that your choice is dangerous or immoral, who am I to intervene with a warning? It’s up to you to do what seems right for you. In her book 10 Questions Every Teen Should Ask and Answer About Christianity, Rebecca McLaughlin offers these word of advice: "It's not offensive and unloving for Christians to tell people that the ship is going down and to plead with them to run to Jesus. It's offensive and unloving not to!"
Parents and youth workers, are you taking the time to teach kids God’s design for sexuality? Here are some suggestions on how to do this. Spend time reading and studying God’s Word, making note of passages dealing with sexuality that you can discuss with your kids. Be sure they know that the Bible affirms sex as a beautiful gift from God for one man and one woman to indulge within the context of a monogamous, committed, covenantal, life-long heterosexual marriage. Let them know that God created sex and gives it to married couples as a way to consummate their marriage, pleasurably enjoy themselves, show their love for one another, and have children. God’s Word is full of passages that will help you in your efforts to teach your children. Be sure to challenge and correct sexual misinformation when you encounter it in the world. Finally, think out loud with your kids about sexual rights and wrongs in order to equip them for a lifetime of thinking biblically for themselves.
As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of pornography’s presence, its compelling draw, and the impact it has on our kids. When it comes to pornography, what our kids see and experience now will not only shape them in the present, but will continue to influence them and their relationships for the rest of their lives. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing our children to understand, process, and respond to this horribly fallen expression of God’s good gift of sexuality in ways that bring honor and glory to God. The word “Pornography” is rooted in the Greek word porneia, which means to practice prostitution, sexual immorality, or fornication. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul frequently used the word in reference to any kind of sinful and illegitimate sexual activity. Teach your kids to flee from sexual immorality, and to run into God’s good design for their sexual flourishing.
Here’s some interesting survey data to think about and act upon as we find ourselves in the middle of the summer months. A recent OnePoll survey of two thousand parents with children between the ages of five and thirteen found that only forty-eight percent of moms and dads believe that their child could entertain themselves in the outdoors for thirty minutes. The parents believe that the growing amount of time kids spend on smartphones and social media is not only keeping their kids from going outside, but diminishing their level of imagination. Parents, our culture is definitely trending in this direction. But we can and must live counter-culturally, leading our kids to do the same for their own good and for God’s glory. We encourage you to take stock of how your kids are spending and even mis-spending their time. Think creatively of ways to increase your outside time together as a family. Bicycles, kayaks, backyard play equipment. . . all these things are great alternatives to screen time.
The psychiatric care and medical communities are reporting that during the recent Covid pandemic, cases of eating disorders among teenagers and adults have surged. In fact, some practitioners and treatment centers are reporting an almost two-fold increase. Experts note that anxiety and isolation are two factors which contribute to disordered eating. We are told that eating disorders affect at least nine percent of people worldwide. Here in the United States, it is believed that thirty million Americans will deal with disordered eating at some point in their lifetime, and disordered eating causes ten thousand deaths annually. Parents, we encourage you to learn what you can about the signs and symptoms of disordered eating. If you suspect an issue with one of your children. . . young, old, male, or female. . . we recommend that you find a qualified Christian counselor who will counsel your teen and your family. Pray for your children, that they will find their value, worth, and identity in Jesus Christ.
Just a little over a year ago, the Nickelodean network premiered a kids show called Danger Force, which is a spinoff of the older Henry Danger kids series. Danger Force follows the adventures of some young super-heroes in training. The show casted thirteen year old transgender actor Sasha A. Cohen into the June nineteenth episode, making history as it was the first time in network history an openly transgender actor was cast in a live-action show. Actor Michael Cohen, who is no relation, is a star in the series and is transgendered as well. Michael Cohen says that Sasha Cohen’s appearance on Danger Force will help change kid’s lives. Nickelodeon Vice President for programming and content strategy, Paul DeBenedictus, says that the network’s mission is to be a home for all kids, and to authentically represent them in their full diversity. Parents, this offers an opportunity to talk about God’s grand and glorious design for gender, making us male or female. Use these teachable moments to tell your kids the truth.
There’s an old story told about a man who got his neighbors angry when he stopped maintaining his once lush lawn. When he and his wife started having children, less time was spent on the lawn. Weeds overtook the grass. Bare spots began to appear where his growing kids would play their regular kickball games with the other neighborhood children. One day, his next door neighbor asked, “When are you going to take care of that lawn of yours?” The active and involved father quickly replied, “I’m raising kids, not grass.” We only have 1,440 minutes in each of our days. We choose to spend each minute doing something somewhere. During the few fast and furious years that you’ve got your kids in the house, why not carefully invest as many of those minutes as possible in your kids, rather than in things like long overtime hours at work, playing golf, or any other number of time-consuming pursuits that you could easily allow to steal the time you could be pouring into your kids?
Over the course of the last twenty years, I’ve been especially interested in tracking with youth culture trends that are related to the emergence of a host of new technologies and technological tools. A new study of Japanese college students has revealed that writing on a physical piece of paper can actually serve as a better path to information recall than writing on a tablet or smartphone. It seems that when writing on paper as opposed to a screen, the human brain engages in ways that are more complex, thus leading to improved memory. In addition, it was found that taking notes on paper is actually about twenty-five percent faster than taking notes on a screen. Could it be that old-school paper is more effective for note-taking than our screens? Yes. And that goes against what many believe to be the case. Here at CPYU we encourage balancing the use of physical paper and books for reading and writing, with reading and writing on screens. Encourage balance in your kids.
When generational styles collide, we tend to turn personal taste and style issues into moral issues in an effort to keep our kids from altering their appearance in a way that we either find embarrassing or wrong. Like it or not, teenagers have always had their own unique styles that allow them to individuate as a distinct group away from previous generations. If you don’t believe it, just go back and leaf through your high school yearbook. Add to the issue of style the fact that they tend to try on some different selves in the quest to discover their identity, and there’s fertile ground for parent/teen conflict. Our first task in this process is to discern the roots of the behaviors. If their fascination with these things isn’t symptomatic of a deeper heart issue, then we shouldn’t prohibit things that the Scriptures don’t prohibit or label as wrong. But if we discover there are heart issues that need to be addressed, then it’s worth our while and time to intervene, set limits, and maybe even save them from their youthful selves.
The question I want to ask you today is this: How do your kids view marriage? As we look around at today’s world, we find that teenagers and young adults tend to have a diminished view of marriage. Many have seen the marriages of those close to them, including their parents, dissolve as a result of the cancer of unresolved conflict. Others believe that marriages might start with a starry-eyed honeymoon period, but they are destined to hit a point where a husband and wife will fight. Why, then, should I get married? One of the best ways that we can teach and model a high and Godly view of marriage is by defining marriage as a life-long monogamous commitment between a man and woman who are both broken and sinful. I love what GK. Chesterton has said: “The fairy tales said that the prince and princess lived happily ever afterwards: and so they did. They lived happily, although it is very likely that from time to time they threw the furniture at each other.”
The stereotype of teenagers back in the hippie days of the 1960s remembers kids as oftentimes talking about trying to “find myself.” While today’s teens rarely if ever hitchhike to California as part of that quest, the single most important developmental issue in a teenager’s life is still identity formation. In the end, every teenager chooses to find his or her identity in something. The place they land now in terms of understanding themselves will determine what they believe and who they are for the rest of their lives. That’s why one of the most important parenting issues we face is the identity formation of our kids. In a perfect world, our kids would answer the question Who am I? by finding their identity in who they are as unique individuals created by God in the image of God and made for a relationship with Him. But our fallen world gives our kids countless other options. Help your kids navigate through these options and into the place where they find their identity in Christ alone.
I love reading the Old Testament book of Joshua. In it we clearly see God’s grace-filled hand of provision and protection as he guides his people into the promised land. In Joshua chapter 23, Joshua gathers Israel’s leaders to say farewell before his own days come to an end. Joshua's charge to the leaders of Israel is as relevant and timely today as it was when it was first spoken. Why? Because the same temptations rattle around in our hearts and minds non-stop in today's world. Parents, Joshua’s words are not only words we should heed, but we should constantly share with our kids. "Therefore, be very strong to keep and do all that is written in the Book of the Law of Moses, turning aside from it neither to the right hand nor to the left, that you may not mix with these nations remaining among you or make mention of the names of their gods or swear by them or serve them or bow down to them, but you shall cling to the Lord your God just as you have done to this day."
Here’s a funny little story that should remind us all to carefully monitor how and where our kids are spending their online time, regardless of their age! It seems that four-year-old Noah Bryant was spending not only time online, but he was spending money, all without his mother’s knowledge. Somehow, Noah, who is a fan of the cartoon character Sponge-Bob, got onto the Amazon website and ordered some Spongebob popsicles. The problem is that the total non-refundable price for his order was almost three thousand dollars. It seems that the little fellow somehow ordered fifty-one cases and a total of nine-hundred- and eighteen popsicles. A good Samaritan friend set up a go-fund-me page to help recoup the money, which was met and exceeded. When our kids engage with devices things like this can happen accidentally. Our watchful diligence is needed not only in cases like this one, but even moreso when our kids get older and are tempted to visit the darkside of the online world.
It’s easy to be fooled by appearances. One way in which parents can be easily fooled is by the appearance of a child who has recently passed through puberty. It sure does happen fast, doesn’t it? And on the day we notice that a child’s body has transformed from that of a child to that of an adult we can easily be fooled into thinking that our parenting work might be done. We might think that there’s nothing more we can do or say since they already look and want to be treated like adults. But don’t be fooled. They need your guidance and direction now more than ever. In her book on the teenage brain, Sarah Jayne Blakemore reminds us that the brain’s frontal lobe is not fully formed until about the age of twenty-four or twenty-five years old. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that’s responsible for decision-making and impulse control. While they might look like adults, they aren’t yet thinking like adults. God wants us to continue to actively parent our kids. In effect. We need to function as their frontal lobe!
It’s been over thirty years since I was speaking at Junior High camp when the camp’s kitchen crew discovered that an entire case of canned whipped cream was faulty. Every can was out of propellant. After further investigation, my theory proved correct. A group of boys had raided the kitchen and sucked the nitrous oxide propellant out of the cans in an effort to get high. Once again, teens inhaling nitrous oxide, also known as doing Whippets, is in the news. As you might guess, one of the reasons for this trend is that the gas is readily accessible online or at the grocery store. Inhaling the gas leads to a high that can last anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes. Medical experts are warning that this practice is not only extremely dangerous, but it can be deadly. Inhaling nitrous oxide can cut off oxygen to the brain, and can cause damage to the heart, nervous system, and other organs. Parents, warn your kids about the dangers of substance abuse.
In her book Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain, Sarah Jayne Blakemore reminds us that for teenagers, what she calls the social self becomes central. A teen’s social self is all about expressing who you and how you are. It’s all about putting yourself out there in front of your peers in a way that you would like to be seen by other people. Blakemore says that the sense of self stems from thinking about how we are seen by others. This is called “the looking-glass self.” We imagine how we appear to other people and how they will judge us. Adolescents are more likely than younger children to place a high priority on these peer judgements, and they will try on different selves and identities in an effort to be seen by others in a positive rather than a negative light. We must consistently point them to think about forming an identity that is rooted in who they are as people made by God in his image, rather than re-creating themselves in the image they think the world desires.
All this week we’ve been looking at helpful insights for Christian parents from Dr. Christian Smith’s research on how parents pass their faith on to the next generation. In addition to reminding Christian parents of the role that walking their talk plays in the faith formation of their kids, Smith has found a number of traits that are present in families where the Christian faith is passed on to kids. One of Smith’s best and most helpful suggestions is that parents engage in channeling for internalization. What does this mean? Channeling for internalization is a term describing how parents purposefully arrange for their kids to have involvements and relationships that reinforce rather than replace their more direct parental influence on their kids. In other words, we want to get them involved with Christian adults from our church, with a youth group, with a youth pastor, and others who will have a positive spiritual input on your kids. Are you taking the time to make this happen with your kids?
All this week we’re looking at helpful insights for Christian parents from Dr. Christian Smith’s research on how parents pass their faith on to the next generation. In addition to reminding Christian parents of the role that walking their talk plays in the faith formation of their kids, Smith has found a number of traits that are present in families where the Christian faith is passed on to kids. Parenting style plays a huge role. It is broadly true that the parents who successfully pass on their faith to their children exhibit what is called an authoritative parenting style. There are two crucial traits present in authoritative parenting. First, parents consistently hold their children to clear and demanding expectations, standards, and boundaries in all areas of life. Second, these parents work hard to relate to their children in a manner marked by an abundance of warmth, support, and care. This combination of clear expectations and affective warmth is powerful in a child’s spiritual formation.
All this week we’re looking at helpful insights for Christian parents from Dr. Christian Smith’s research on how parents pass their faith on to the next generation. In addition to reminding Christian parents of the role that walking their talk plays in the faith formation of their kids, Smith has found a number of traits that are present in families where the Christian faith is passed on to kids. One of these traits is that during the normal ebb and flow of daily family life during the week, parents take the time to talk with their children about the Christian faith. Parents looks for opportunities to tell their kids what they believe, why they believe it, what the Christian faith means and implies, and why it matters to them. This is not a commitment to constantly sermonizing. Rather, these are natural, warm, and normal discussions on any number of topics. These parents welcome questions from their kids are especially good at opening the door for these conversations. Parents, we need to live and speak our faith.
All this week we’re looking at helpful insights for Christian parents from Dr. Christian Smith’s research on how parents pass their faith on to the next generation. Smith has found that no other institution or program comes close to the faith-shaping influence of moms and dads. Smith also found that the reason these other influences pale in comparison to parents is the way that moms and dads live out their faith in the context of their day-to-day ordinary lives. Kids who grow up to be committed to Christ almost always have parents who are extremely serious about and committed to their faith. Conversely, parents who are not especially committed, attentive, and intentional in passing on their faith will produce children who are less religious than they are, if they are religious at all. Smith says that parents who want to pass on their faith must believe and practice their faith genuinely and faithfully. You see, kids are not fooled by a parental faith that is purely a performance.
I have found Researcher Dr. Christian Smith to be a huge help to me in my various roles as a dad, a grandfather, and trainer of youth workers and parents. Smith, who teaches sociology at the University of Notre Dame, has spent over two decades studying the religious and spiritual lives of adolescents. His recent book, Handing Down the Faith: How Parents Pass Their Religion On To The Next Generation, looks at how religious American parents pass their faith on to their children. Smith says that the good news is that among all possible influences, parents exert far and away the greatest influence on their children’s religious outcomes. Smith says that the empirical evidence is clear. In almost every case, no other institution or program comes close to shaping faith as parents do – not congregations, not youth groups, not youth pastors, not Christian schools, not missions projects, and not Christian camps. All this week we’ll be looking at what Christian parents can learn from Smith’s research.
On this Father’s Day weekend, I’m thinking about lessons learned from my father, who was a pastor. There was a note to himself that he kept in his desk. It was a short reminder that was needed in times of ministry discouragement and difficulty. Like all of us, he experienced those times when you start to question yourself and God. These are the times when the accusatory arrows shot by the enemy come perilously close to taking you out. My dad’s note to himself reads, "I know that God is all powerful and that this world is in His control. I know that God, the same God who is all powerful and who controls this world, also loves me, and is concerned about me. I know that God has called me into His service. I know that since God has called me, He will not leave me alone, but will reveal His will to me, and will provide for my needs. Since I know these facts to be true, I will trust God to do with my life what He thinks best." Perhaps we would all do well to write ourselves a note to read in times of want.
Just when you think you’re starting to understand the vocabulary words unique to teens, some new word comes along that leaves you scratching your head. The word is Chew-gee, and it’s spelled c-h-e-u-g-y. The word originated back in 2013 when Gaby Rasson was a student at Beverly Hills High School. She was looking for a word that described people who weren’t in step with the latest trends. Since she couldn’t find the right word, she made one up. People that are chuegy are out of date, not up with the latest styles, and trying too hard. Not surprisingly, the trend toward using Chuegy was fueled on the social media video app, TikTok, where kids were posting videos labeling people and things as cheugy. What’s cheugy and not-cheugy is purely subjective in today’s youth culture. And, as with all things style-related, what’s cheugy today might not be cheugy tomorrow. So, today we’re raising your parental awareness about this new word so that your vocabulary won’t be cheugy!
I’ve often said that today’s youth culture is catechizing our kids twenty-four seven. They see and hear the world’s narrative on life all around them and wherever they turn. This means that it’s all the more important for us as parents and youth workers to make a concentrated, diligent, and never-ending effort to lead our kids into the bible so that they might learn God’s narrative about who He is, who they are, what they should believe, and what it means to follow Jesus in today’s world. The great theologian J.I. Packer once said, “If I were the devil, one of my first aims would be to stop folk from digging into the Bible. How? Well, I would try to distract all clergy from preaching and teaching the bible, and spread the feeling that to study this ancient book is a burdensome task which modern Christians can forego without loss.” Did you catch what Packer is saying? One of the greatest strategies of our enemy is to keep us out of God’s Word. Are you immersing yourself and your kids in the Bible?
We have no idea what the fruit of the growing body of research on concussions among kids will lead, but we do know that parents, coaches, schools, and community athletic groups need to be more diligent in prevention and treatment. Gone are the days when a kid who suffers a severe blow to the head needs to shake it off and get back in there. New research from the University of Michigan School of Nursing tracked nearly fifty-three-thousand students in grades eight, ten, and twelve. They found that self-reported concussions rose from 2016 to 2020. Specifically, in 2016 nineteen-point-five percent of kids reported experiencing at least one concussion. By 2020 that number had risen to twenty-four-point-six percent of kids. There was no increase among kids who do not participate in sports. The increase was seen among our sports-playing kids. Parents, concussion injuries do both short and long-term damage. Keep an eye your kids in ways that prepare them for a life-time of healthy living.
Our kids are growing up in a day and age where it is seen as normal and right to determine your own borders and boundaries for what you believe is ethically right, and what you believe is ethically wrong. The individual is sovereign, with one’s feelings determining morality. One recent example of this comes from music star Billie Eilish, who appeared on the cover of this month’s edition of Vogue magazine. Under Eilish’s seductive cover photo was a quote from her interview with the magazine. Her words serve as a reflection of our culture’s current motto: “It’s all about what makes you feel good.” Morality is now based on one’s intuition, which can change from moment to moment. We’d do better to take the advice of G.K. Chesterton who wrote, "Right is right, even if nobody does it. Wrong is wrong, even if everybody is wrong about it." It our responsibility to take our kids into God’s Word, where we learn the truth about what’s really right and what’s really wrong.
When theologian Carl Trueman was recently asked "What are you learning about life and following Jesus?", he answered "Life is short. Now in my mid-50s I am increasingly conscious that time is limited and that as a Christian I need to be very careful about my personal and professional priorities. Private time with family and close friends means so much to me these days. An evening in the company of loved ones is a precious gift that I have too seldom appreciated in the past. I am amazed at how many Christians spend their days on Twitter and Facebook—too often platforms for ephemeral trivia and unpleasantness. I do not believe Jesus wants me to use my remaining years in exchanging insults with other Christians. I think he wants all his people to witness to the world by using the time and talents he has given them to edify the body of Christ and to help the rising generation think clearly about the challenges we all face." Thanks, Carl Trueman, for this timely challenge.
The Partnership To End Addiction recently issued a warning regarding the growing number of sweet and inexpensive alcoholic beverages that have been hitting the market over the last several months. With the arrival of summer comes increased marketing for these drinks as people head out for vacations and visits to the beach. Many of these drinks have a high alcohol content that’s masked by tasty fruit flavors and brightly colored packaging. This and fancy marketing campaigns makes them especially attractive to young drinkers, like our teenagers. Parents, you need to be aware of this trend and warn your kids about the dangers associated with alcohol consumption. The most recent data reports that by the time they reach the 12th grade, over fifty-five percent of students have consumed alcohol in the last year, and seventeen percent have had five or more drinks in a row within the last two weeks. Talk openly with your kids about the temptations they face, and remind them that God promises a way out.
Even for those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ, it’s easy to fall into the temptation of thinking life is all about me, myself, and I. If we choose to live that way as moms and dads, we are bound to hurt our kids. Listen to these words from Tim Keller: "True love meets the needs of the loved one no matter the cost to oneself. All life-changing love is some kind of substitutionary sacrifice. For a moment think about parenting. Children need you to read, read, and read more to them - and talk, talk, and talk more to them - if they are going to develop the ability to understand and use language. Their intellectual and social skills, and their emotional well-being, are massively shaped by how much time we spend with our children. This entails sacrifice on the part of the parent. We must disrupt our lives for years. Yet if we don't do it, they will grow up with all sorts of problems. It's them or us. We must lose much of our freedom now, or they will not become free, self-sufficient adults later."
In a recent article in the New York Times, adolescent psychologist Lisa Damour reported that eating disorders among teenagers have exploded during the pandemic. Eating disorder clinics are reporting a two-fold increase in intakes of adolescent patients since the pandemic began. The National Eating Disorders Association hotline saw a forty percent jump in call volume after March 2020. Thirty-five percent of those callers were between the ages of thirteen and seventeen, which was up from the year before. There are many possible causes. The stress of the pandemic and the changes that it brought fed anxiety. Since eating disorders are associated with high achievement, many kids who had been focused on academics and extracurriculars now spent time focusing on their physical health and appearance. Still others felt increased appearance pressure from spending more time on social media. If your child is struggling with disordered eating, secure the help of a qualified and experience Christian counselor.
Twenty-year-old Willow Smith is the hit-music-making daughter of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. Popular among our children and teens, she is one of today’s influencers regarding belief and behavior. Back in 2019, she came out as bisexual. Just recently, she announced to her followers that she is polyamorous. The word combines the prefix “poly”- meaning “many or several” – with the Latin word for love, “amor.” In other words, those who embrace polyamory believe in having several emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationships at one time, and doing it all out in the open, with the approval of everyone involved. This takes the commonly accepted practice of premarital promiscuity and amps it up to new levels. Parents, your kids are now swimming in a cultural soup where relational and sexual faithfulness are seen as archaic and so yesterday. Take time and care to engage in the ongoing process of teaching your kids to know and embrace God’s good design for their sexuality.
If we relentlessly pursue “the American Dream” and the desire to pass the material benefits of the good life on to our kids, bad things happen. Experts who work with kids who have been given too much by their parents have developed diagnoses known as “Affluenza” and “Rich Kids Syndrome.” The disease is as common in middle-class and lower-class home as it is in homes with lots of money. The danger lies in the fact that we are fostering and encouraging idolatry. Our lives and actions should communicate to our kids that the best life is found by living in relationship with God, living out His will, and by pursuing His standards of “success.” The “best life” consists of directing all we have, all we do, and all we are toward loving and serving God in every nook, cranny, and minute of our lives. The “best life” includes the ability to tell the difference between “needs” and “wants.” And then, because of our love for Him, we should love those around us as He has loved us.
My son recently told me about hearing a radio ad for an interesting summer camp experience for kids. The ad was recruiting kids ages eight to twelve to participate in a one-week long YouTube camp, where campers will be taught how to amaze friends and family by creating a successful YouTube channel. Campers are taught how to identify an audience, create a brand, brainstorm a creative format, produce engaging content, and create at least one YouTube video. The price for the five-day camp, which is completely virtual, is a mere six hundred and nineteen dollars. Now I will be the first to say that our kids need to learn skills in technology. After all, they will be living in a tech saturated world. But when seen through the context of the current cultural trend toward branding and curating one’s self to develop celebrity and an online following, I believe that experiences like this could easily serve to teach our kids to develop skills to glorify themselves, rather than to bring glory to God.
One of the main developmental tasks of adolescence is identity formation. Teenagers are living through a period of life where they are trying to find answers to one of the most basic of all questions: Who am I? Consequently, we should always be paying close attention to our kids to see where they are going for answers and where they are landing with their identity. Our great desire and prayer should be to seen them run to their creator in order to find their identity in him. Tim Keller writes, “Identity is always rooted in the things we look toward to save us., the things to which we give ultimate allegiance. To ask, ‘Who are you?’ is to ask ‘Whose are you?’ To know who you are is to know what you have given yourself to, what controls you, and what you most fundamentally trust.” Parents, we need to be teaching our kids that their identity cannot be found in power, the approval of others, or a comfortable life. The same holds true for each of us. Pray for your kids, that they worship and serve Jesus Christ.
Last April, I encountered an unfolding story that made my heart ache. Abraham Piper, the thirty-nine year-old son of writer and preacher John Piper, was building his TikTok following by posting an ongoing stream of short videos criticizing Christianity, his father and the larger evangelical movement. His irreverent and often-times profanity filled rants were done in ways that built his following to almost one million followers. Not only is Abraham Piper visually curated in ways that make him trendy to TikTok users, but his message of spiritual deconstruction plays well in a world where so many young people are leaving the faith. I’ve spent time wondering about the heartache Piper’s parents must feel. I am reminded that there’s no way to drag our kids kicking and screaming into God’s Kingdom. Salvation, the Bible says, is of the Lord. We must faithfully instruct our kids, but we must also realize that they will make their own decisions. Let’s remember to pray continually for our kids.
In a recent article in the New York Times, psychologist Adam Grant talked about what he and many others began feeling during the Covid-19 pandemic. Grant says that it wasn’t depression. Rather it was a sense of looking at life through a foggy windshield. It was a sense of being joyless and aimless. As I read Grant’s article I resonated with what he was describing. He went on to put a word to it that I think is a good one. He says that we have been languishing. It’s a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It came on strong for so many of us as we stepped out of the normal rhythms of our daily lives. As I’ve pondered Grant’s article and my own pandemic experience, I realize that the opposite of languishing is flourishing. And the way that we flourish as human beings is to live into our created purpose in a relationship with our Creator. If you are languishing in this season of life, run to Jesus Christ and read the Scriptures. The light of the world will illuminate our lives and our paths.
I recently ran across this wonderful prayer written by Scotty Smith. It’s called “A Prayer About Children and Childlikeness.” I simply want to encourage you to pray this deeply meaningful prayer on behalf of your children today. Most welcoming Lord Jesus, there’s no more important or necessary gift we can give our children than to keep on bringing them to you. Whether they’re babies, teenagers or adults, themselves… it makes no difference. At every stage of life, our kids need you, Jesus. For our children who’ve yet to find life in you… have mercy on them, and bring them to a saving knowledge of yourself, Jesus. They don’t just need to “grow up.” They don’t need religion. They don’t need moral reform. They need the gospel of your grace. Show them how much they need you, and show them how much you love them. Keep them restless until they rest in your complete forgiveness and perfect righteousness. More than we want Harvard for our children, we want heaven.
I remember a conversation with a justifiably concerned Christian mother who had been blind-sided by some issues with her thirteen-year-old son. Her son was struggling emotionally after a break-up with a girl. Yes, kids are having those kinds of relationships at the age of thirteen. But there’s more to the story. The relationship was only two-weeks old when it ended and the two had never met face to face. It was relationship that involved chatting through Facebook. Still, the boy was devastated. . . so devastated that he started cutting himself in an effort to deal with his emotional pain. The good news in this story is that mom was watching her son carefully and was in tune with what was happening in his life. She didn’t choose to look the other way. She intervened. She asked questions, and she got him help. This story and others like it are happening all around us. If we’re not looking, the story unfolding right under our nose is one we might miss. Spend time with your kids. Ask questions. Talk about life. And if they are struggling, get them help.
Over the last few years you’ve probably heard the arguments, pro and con, about the legalization of marijuana for recreational use. A study out of the state of California has looked at trends in marijuana use since the drug was first legalized in the state back in 2016. Researchers analyzed data from more than three million seventh, ninth, and eleventh graders, who answered questions about their marijuana use from the 2010-2011 school year, up until 2018-2019. The research found that between the 2017-2018 school year and the 2018 to 2019 school years, a time after pot was legalized for adults, marijuana use by kids over the past thirty days grew twenty-three percent. In addition, the likelihood of lifetime marijuana use rose by eighteen percent. These trends are alarming. In the past, we’ve discussed the dangers of illicit drug use, especially for those whose brains are developing during adolescence. Parents, regularly talk to your kids about the legal, physical, and spiritual reasons to avoid drugs.
Last year, pastor and theologian Tim Keller was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Those of you who are familiar with Keller know that he focuses much of his ministry on helping people trust God and His providence, especially in times of difficulty and suffering. A few months into his diagnosis, Keller penned an article for Atlantic magazine entitled “Growing My Faith In The Face Of Death.” He wondered if he would be able to take his own advice, advice he had given to so many others during their times of suffering. Keller has found help on this journey, through a discipline Jonathan Edwards once called spiritual soliloquy. This practice of preaching the truths of God’s word to ourselves is seen in the Psalms where , for example, the Psalmist says bless the Lord oh my soul. It is the practice of talking to our hearts so that the truths about God catch fire. Parents, because difficulties will come, this is a spiritual discipline for you to practice and teach to your kids.
Parenting in today’s world requires that some of the most uncomfortable conversations we anticipate having with our kids are now necessary to have at younger and younger ages. One of those conversations needed today centers on kids sending nude photos to one another through their smartphones. According to one survey that’s actually a bit dated, sixty-six percent of teens and young adults have received a sexually explicit image, and forty-one percent have sent one. Here at CPYU, we’ve heard stories of smartphone-toting kids as young as elementary-age requesting or sending nudes. Social media and parenting expert Mandy Majors offers these three suggestions to parents. First, use teachable moments to plant seeds with your young children. You can teach them that taking pictures of people without their clothes on is wrong. Second, create family screentime guidelines, including no phones in bedrooms or bathrooms. And finally, teach your kids to protect their hearts and minds.
Today we end our week of looking at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, “Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens.” Dr. Tripp says that oftentimes, we as parents are so busy making decisions for our children that we do not impart to them the critical biblical thinking skills that will enable them to make sound choices after they have left home. We need to be looking for opportunities to teach our children how to use the commands, themes, principle, and perspectives fo Scripture to make sense out of life. To equip teens to determine how God would have them respond to the variety of situations they face in life, we need to teach them two things. Frist, they need internalized biblical convictions and applicable biblical wisdom. It is not enough to say yes and no to particular questions. And second, we must show our children how we have arrived at the critical decisions we’ve made that are so important to biblical living.
This week we’re looking at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, “Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens.” Dr. Tripp says that Ephesians 6:10-18 provides a much needed biblical view of life. The Apostle Paul essentially says that life is war. He is not talking about the fights over situations and relationships that capture our thinking and emotions, but a deeper, more significant war. There is a war for the hearts of our teenagers that takes place in every situation, location, and relationship of daily life. This war is fought on the turf of their hearts. It is fought for control of their souls. Every decision, action, and word of our teenagers reflects this war. It is the great conflict of human life. This war is the reason for all the other wars fought between people. The problem is that our teenagers tend to live in a world that is shockingly physical; that is, they tend to live with little recognition of this spiritual struggle.
This week we’re looking at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, “Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens.” Dr. Tripp says that the task of parenting a teenager is often exhausting and discouraging. Clearly, it is beyond the wisdom, character, and strength of every parent. It’s really easy to give in to defeat, discouragement, and fear. When we do this, our encounters with our teenager are colored by our own hopelessness. Our only hope of loving and consistently doing what we have been called to do is Christ. In his presence and power we find strength to fulfill our calling. We must learn as parents what it means to live out of the rich resources of the Gospel, refusing to give way to discouragement and despair. We must learn to hold onto God’s promises. The goal is that there would be no struggle so grave as to lead us to give up, since Christ’s work gives us reason to continue on in the high calling we’ve given as parents.
This week we’re looking at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, “Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens.” Dr. Tripp says that as parents, we need to think about our teens in a distinctively biblical way. First, the Bible wants us to see our kids as covenantal beings. In other words, our teenagers have been made for a relationship with God. They were created to be worshippers, and if they are not worshipping God, they will give their hearts to God substitutes. Second, the Bible wants us to see our kids as social beings. They have been made to live in community with others. In fact, God has given them the moral responsibility to live with their neighbor’s welfare in view. And third, the Bible wants us to see our teenagers as interpreters. This means that as they live life, they are to seek to organize, interpret, and explain their lives on the basis of a biblical world and life view. Parents, see, think about, and relate to your kids in Biblically faithful ways.
This week I want to look at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, “Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens.” Dr. Tripp says the anger, frustration, discouragement, irritation, impatience, and fear that parents feel during the teen years not only reveal that the teen is struggling, but that the parents are as well. If we allow our hearts to be controlled by something other than God, we will fail to view the teen years as a time full of opportunities, but as a time full of a constant stream of hassles brought on by a selfish, immature person who upsets our otherwise comfortable life. Tripp says that this is idolatry. And failure to deal with our idolatry will mean that we turn God-given moments of ministry into moments of anger. We will personalize what is not personal, become adversarial with our teen, and settle for quick, situational solutions that do not focus on our teenager’s heart. Do you view the teen years as an age of opportunity?
With bullying being an issue for so many kids in today’s world, we need to be sure that our churches are building a youth ministry setting that’s safe. As a step towards making this a reality, counselor Julie Lowe offers the following advice. “First, leaders need to ask themselves, am I observing and actively building the dynamics of the group? Do I know who the outsiders are? Am I building cohesion along with a positive and supporting atmosphere. Second, leaders need to realize who is coming to the group and what they struggle with. There could be kids who struggle with cutting, homosexuality, or promiscuity. Some of these kids may be outsiders. They may experience bullying, either in the youth group or at school. Unless there is a safe and supportive atmosphere, none of these struggles will surface. You want struggles to surface so you can minister the gospel. Be sure your church’s youth group is a safe place for anyone to come, and not just safe for those who fit a certain mold.
My friend, youth pastor and writer Mike McGarry, offers some great advice to youth workers and parents on how to prepare students for a lifelong faith. This is important to consider as the research consistently points to the fact that far too many kids are not only graduating from high school, but graduating or walking away from the faith as they enter young adulthood. Here are Mike’s four best practices for facilitating a lifelong faith. First, apply the Gospel to everything. Help them see that Christ not only come to save them, but to lead them into faithful God-glorifying living in every square inch of their lives. Second, teach them to love the church. Engage them not only with their peers, but with the full spectrum of believers in your local body. Third, dream big biblical dreams for your kids. Pray that they would grow and mature in their faith. And finally, give kids the opportunity to lead and even fail. A deepened faith is the fruit of real-life struggles. Don’t coddle your kids.
I’ve learned over the years that it’s important to pay attention to youth culture stories that leave us scratching our heads while wondering what we’re reading is actually true. Knowing the emerging trends allows us to address them from a Christian perspective before they move into the mainstream. One of these stories I just encountered reports that a private school in Manhattan is making a deliberate effort to teach their students to use inclusive language as part of their mission of inclusivity. The Grace Church K to twelve School is encouraging students to stop using the terms Dad, mom, and parents because the words make assumptions about kids’ home lives. Among the Guidelines in the school’s inclusive language guide is this: If someone says a boy can’t marry a boy or a girl can’t marry a girl, you should respond with “People can love and commit to whomever they please. It’s their choice who they marry.” Parents, ideas and words matter. Be sure to teach your kids God’s good design for all things.
If Jesus Christ is truly the sovereign lord over all of life, then every activity in which we engage, even the most regular and mundane, are to be seen as an avenue to worship and bring glory to God. One area of life in which I will typically forget this to be the case is my time spent behind the wheel. Yes, we can’t forget that we are indeed called to drive to the glory of God. This is a lesson we need to teach our teens by our example as they are growing up, and as they come of driving age and learn how to operate all the different buttons, knobs, and pedals on a car. One important aspect of this in today’s digital world is to remind them that they should never engage with their smartphones while driving. A recent study found that not only does using a hand-held phone while driving distract drivers, but young and inexperienced drivers are more likely to not only ignore red lights, but to speed, drive drunk, drive without a license, and cut off other drivers. Parents, what are you showing and telling your kids?
Back in 2014, Facebook worked with LGBTQ advocates to add additional gender options beyond just the traditional male and female options users could post to their Facebook profile. At that time, Facebook allowed users to choose from a dizzying array of fifty different gender options. Now, Facebook is rolling out additional gender options from which to choose, bringing the total number to as many as seventy-one different choices. In today’s culture, the gender binary of male and female is seen as no longer appropriate or even proper. Instead, gender options are seen to fall on a wide spectrum, with individuals even being encouraged to move back and forth between options based on how they decide to identify at any given point in time. Now, we’re being told that federal documents, including passports, will include a third gender option listed simply as X. Times may change, but God’s word continues to tell us that at creation, he created humans on the binary of male and female.
This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. I recently read some words about the life-shaping role mother’s play in the lives of children. Henry Ward Beecher once said, “What a mother sings to the cradle goes all the way to the coffin.” I know these words to be true, not only from my experience with my own mother, but from watching the role my wife has played in the lives of our kids. In my case, I’ve heard and seen an intentional effort at singing good and spiritually uplifting words that consistently point to the redeeming power of the Cross and a life of Christian discipleship. Conversely, I know that those of you who were not mothered well still carry that with you to this day. A mother’s influence, whether positive or negative, is always strong. This weekend, we thank God for the gift of our mothers. Moms, your formative influence on your children is incredibly strong. May God lead you to be a faithful presence in the lives of your children as you serve as a signpost pointing to the Cross.
A youth worker friend recently sent me a link to a short video he found online. The video was shot on a security camera focused on a downtown subway stop. A host of passengers stood back from the platform edge waiting for their train to arrive to take them to their destinations. A lone figure appeared walking on the platform. It was a young boy wearing a backpack who looked like he was on his way to school. I very quickly thought that he looked a lot like my own elementary-aged grandson. As he walked, he was oblivious to everything around him as he focused his gaze on his smartphone screen. He literally walked off the ledge and onto the tracks. No train was in sight, but he knew he was in trouble. Panicked, he started to run down the tracks. A good Samaritan ran to him and lifted him up to safety. Parents, smartphone devices are great tools. But we need to keep them from becoming distractions. . . distractions that are a pathway to all manners and sorts of dangers.
Parents, what are you teaching your kids about the presence of pain and suffering in their lives? Are you preparing them to face whatever difficulties life may bring by immersing themselves in what the Scriptures teach about the formative role adversity plays in our lives? In Psalm one-hundred-nineteen verse seventy one, the Psalmist writes, “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.” Theologian J.I. Packer writes these words about suffering: “The fact is that God uses chronic pain and weakness, along with other sorts of affliction, as his chisel for sculpting our souls. Weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. And the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually, even while our bodies waste away.” Those are good words that reflect the truths of Scripture, and that we must not only embrace for ourselves, but teach to our kids. The fact is, suffering is redemptive.
Researchers are compiling data on the effect the pandemic has had on the health of parents and children. A new report from the American Psychological Association reveals the toll that the pandemic has taken on the physical and mental health of parents who have children under the age of eighteen living at home. If this is your situation, you know that the last year has been filled with challenging parenting hurdles and tasks that none of us had ever encountered before. It’s not surprising that the stress has led to parents being more likely than non-parents to be diagnosed with a mental health disorder during the pandemic. Sleep and exercise habits have changed. Anxiety is on the rise. People are choosing to drink. Parents report significant weight gain. Today,we want to remind you to avoid allowing the stress of these times to take you out of spending daily times of perspective-correcting refreshment in God’s Word, and in prayer. God will be with you always!
A recent research report from the City University Of London offers insights into how young women are feeling increased pressure to look perfect thanks to the advent and growth of social media. The report is titled “Changing The Perfect Picture: Smartphones, Social Media, and Appearance Pressures.” The report focused on findings from interviews with one hundred and seventy five eighteen to thirty year old participants. The interviews focused on the relationship between social media, body image, media, the beauty industry, and smartphones. In an effort to look perfect and present a perfect life, ninety percent of the interviewees report using a filter or editing their photos before posting to even out skin tone, reshape their jaw and/or nose, shave off weight, brighten or bronze their skin, and whiten their teeth. In today’s world, there is mounting pressure to be someone other than your true self. Parents, remind your kids that it is character, not appearance, that counts.
We continue to remind parents that they are the ones primarily responsible for the sex education of their children. And with kids picking up mis-information from outside sources at younger and younger ages, we’ve also reminded you that whoever speaks first to a child on these matters will set the bar for truth and will own the conversation. Parents, be diligent in learning about the sex education their kids are receiving in school. In a world where the gender binary instituted by God is disdained, we encourage you to speak to your kids about God’s order and design for gender, and to be aware of what your school is teaching. For example, in new York state, there is currently a bill under consideration to mandate instructing kindergarten kids that gender identity is fluid. Kids will be taught that hormone blockers are available in order to avoid growing through puberty into the wrong gender. Parents, you need to know and teach God’s good design for sex and gender.
The popular social media platform Instagram recently instituted new safety policies designed to protect kids. The app is no longer allowing adults to direct message teenagers who don’t follow them, a step taken to protect kids from online predators. In addition, if a young user direct messages an adult who has been flagged for exhibiting potentially suspicious behavior, the app issues a safety prompt to the young user warning them about making the connection. The user is offered options to restrict, report, or block the messager. Suspicious adults will be flagged as those making a large amount of friend or message requests to people under the age of eighteen. But since the app requires that users are ages thirteen and up, it’s very easy for kids to lie and set up an account before they are thirteen. The company is working to remedy this. Parents, these steps are helpful, but nothing counts more than your efforts to train and monitor your kids into safe and God-glorifying online habits.
Some new research on the religious lives of members of Gen Z is worth pondering. After looking at ten thousand surveys and one-hundred fifty interviews with young people ages thirteen to twenty-five, The Springtide Research Institute separated respondents into the two categories of affiliated and unaffiliated. Researchers tell us that in the past, it was common to assume that if someone claimed affiliation with a particular religious tradition, there was a corresponding set of practices, beliefs, and identities that marked that person. But that’s changing. The research found that fifty-two percent of affiliated young people have little to no trust in organized religion. Almost one-third say they don’t think it’s important to have a faith community. And over twenty percent who say they are affiliated say they don’t try to live out their religious beliefs in their daily lives. One response is this: those of us who are older need to be investing ourselves in relationships with the kids in our midst.
One of the most astute cultural critics I’ve come to know and follow is Dr. Carl Trueman, a professor of biblical and religious studies at Grove City College. In a recent article in First Things magazine, Carl makes this observation: “our culture is more taken than ever with the notion that morality is a matter of taste.” In other words, we are living in a world where we no longer appeal to a commonly-held transcendent authority by which we are to judge our beliefs and behaviors as moral or immoral. Rather, we are all left to ourselves to decide through our emotions and intuition what is right for me, and what is wrong for me. And because my emotions and feelings are never stable, my understanding of right and wrong is always morphing and changing. Parents, this is what our kids are being raised to believe. As Christians, we know that God has spoken through his incarnate word Jesus Christ, and through his written revelation of himself in the Bible. God’s Word is the moral standard within which we find true freedom.
One of the childbirth realities you might not hear a whole lot about or be familiar with, is that of a child being born as intersex. This is a general term used to describe a variety of conditions where the reproductive anatomy doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of male or female. In these very rare situations, parents and medical personnel face difficult ethical dilemmas. But in today’s rapidly changing ethical landscape, children being born with obvious male or female anatomy are being given gender-neutral names along with an opportunity from mom and dad to grow up and decide their gender designation for themselves. The Scriptures clearly teach God’s created intent, that he makes us male or female. To allow a child to decide for themselves might be culturally cutting-edge, but it isn’t right. In a day and age where kids are being encouraged to decide for themselves, we must teach them that they are either male or female, as determined by God’s good order and design.
Because we live in a fallen and broken world where the effects of sin touch everything everywhere, we know that time and gravity are not kind to the human body. We experience the effects of aging, disease, and decay, with our ultimate end being the death of our physical bodies. Those of us who are older are aware of this, and many of us are suffering the consequences of lifelong bad habits and the toll they take on our bodies. But it’s not just those of us who are older. Dr. Robert Lager, a cardiac physician, is now sounding the alarm that teenagers need to be concerned about heart disease, even at their young age. He reports that there has been a rise in teenagers with plaque buildup in their arteries, which of course can lead to a greater risk of heart disease later in life. Lager says that one in six teens already have significant plaque buildup in their arteries. How can we help our teens steward their bodies? Tell them to avoid smoking, to eat healthy foods, and to exercise regularly.
We believe that it’s only a matter of time until habitual smartphone use is listed officially as an addiction in the mental health community. One reason for this is that we know, anecdotally, that all of us who are smartphone users, young and old alike, find ourselves consistently drawn to those little hand-held screens and the rabbit-hole of the world that sits behind the glass. Researchers at King’s College in London have found that nearly forty percent of their students exhibited symptoms of addiction to their smartphones. These students reported feeling that their phone use was out of control and that being separated from their phones was a cause for major anxiety. They also report that their phone use kept them from doing other things that they knew they needed to do. As time marches on and smartphones become more entrenched in our culture and experience, our kids need parents who model God-honoring stewardship of their own time, and who set limits on screentime so that their own kids don’t get addicted.
Today I’m speaking to you about a subject that I sincerely wish we didn’t have to address, but we must. The issue is teen dating violence. The CDC reports that dating violence is a widespread issue with serious long and short term effects. Approximately one-third of high school students report being hit, slapped, verbally abused, or physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the last twelve months. However, many teens are afraid to report victimization to family and friends. Dating violence can be physical, emotional, or sexual in nature, with social media feeding the opportunity to stalk and harass. Parents, this is a topic we need to broach with our kids as they grow up and move through adolescence. By modeling a marriage filled with God-honoring mutual respect we can set the bar for the standards our kids will live out and embrace as they grow up. Teach them that a relationship is not about what one will get, but about the self-sacrificing love one endeavors to give.
In a recent article in First Things magazine, respected social researcher Mary Eberstadt reflects on the unique blend of circumstances that led up to the explosive events in our country during 2020. Eberstadt believes that our collective lives are already unstable for a variety of reasons. But she says that one major factor at play is the crisis of fatherlessness that has been building in our culture for the past fifty years. Children and teens are growing up without the deep nurturing and formative relationships they should be having with their fathers. You see, our kids have been made for relationships, and one of the primary relationships for which they’ve been made is with a dad. Without that, kids search for father substitutes, and membership in extremist groups becomes a street family for a child. Dads, we cannot emphasize enough the value of your role as you spend both quality and quantity time with your kids. Love them. Care for them. And above all, nurture them in the Christian faith.
What was the first toy ever advertised on television? It was Hasbro’s Mr. Potato Head and that commercial debuted way back in 1952. A lot has changed in our culture since then. And in an effort to keep up with our culture’s increased value on diversity and inclusion, the brand recently announced that the designation “Mister” is being dropped from the brand’s name. Hasbro says this is being done so that all people would feel welcome in the Potato head world. While Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head will still be sold, the company is displaying the titles less prominently on the packaging. The company will also debut a new Potato family pack that comes with two large bodies, one small body and forty-two accessories. Kids will be able to create their own types of potato families, including those with two moms or two dads. While it’s not popular these days to say that God’s good design for marriage is between one man and one woman, we must be actively pointing out kids to God’s design.
Body dysmorphia occurs when one obsessively believes that a body part or appearance is severely flawed, and then wants to somehow hide or fix it. In today’s appearance-obsessed culture, body dysmorphia is on the rise. A growing number of kids spend lots of time worrying about perceived flaws in their appearance. These so-called flaws are typically exaggerated, and usually unnoticeable to others. One new type of body dysmorphia has been labeled “bigorexia.” The opposite of anorexia where a person obsesses over being fat while wasting away to nothing, bigorexia is marked by an obsession to be bigger, bulkier, and more muscular. Teens navigating bigorexia focus on muscle and developing six-pack abs. They lift weights obsessively and oftentimes resort to the dangerous practice of ingesting steroids. If you suspect that a child you know is suffering from any kind of body dysmorphia, secure the help of a qualified Christian counselor who has training and experience.
In recent years, we’ve all become aware of the short and long-term effects of athletes suffering concussions. I know. All four of our children were engaged in athletics, and each one has suffered at least one concussion. Now, a team of neurology specialists at Columbia University are telling us that there is a marked difference between the concussion rates of male and female athletes at the University. The team looked at the concussion rates of athletes from various sports between 2000 and 2014. They discovered that the concussion rates were fifty percent higher in women. Twenty three percent of the female athletes suffered concussions, compared to just fourteen percent for men. Other studies have confirmed these gender differences. Parents should take care to watch their sports-playing kids carefully. Learn the signs of concussions, and be sure that a medical professional takes the lead in post-concussion care. Parents, you are called to steward your children’s god-given bodies.
New research, reported in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, is telling us that as teens use of social media has grown over the last ten years, so too has the suicide rate among young people. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death among those ages ten to thirty-four. Researchers found that while social media use had little effect on the suicidality risk for boys, there was a tipping point for girls. Girls who used social media for at least two to three hours a day at the beginning of the ten year study, back when they were about thirteen years old, had a higher clinical risk for suicide as they moved into emerging adulthood. It is believed that our girls are more susceptible to the negative effects of social media. Parents, all of our kids need parents and adult friends who love them simply because they are God’s divine image bearers. In the context of relationships marked by spending time together, we can not only communicate the life-giving truths of the Gospel, but build their resiliency.
When people my age were kids, there were only two ways to hear your favorite songs. One was to buy the record and play it over and over again. The other was to wait until the DJ played the record on your favorite radio station. In today’s world, you and I get to listen to our favorite songs from our own adolescence on demand, and it usually makes us smile as we think back. The findings of a new study explain why you and I love to find and stream the music from our teenage years. It appears that there is what is called a musical reminiscence bump that leads people to disproportionately recall memories from when they were ten to thirty years old. And, because we experience more unique self-definition experiences during this period of life, the music we listened to becomes closely entangled with those memories. What this means is that the music we listened to during our younger years sticks with us for life. Parents, introduce your kids to good music as a way of making lifetime memories.
Our children need parents who will openly explain and discuss what is happening to their bodies. Most of these changes occur during the middle school years, when group acceptance is of the utmost importance and when peers – because of their own impulsivity and insecurities – tend to be most cruel and insensitive. A loving and sensitive parent can serve as a buffer in the midst of the type of ridicule that could scar a child’s self-image for life. While dealing with these pressures will still be difficult for your child, your positive input will serve to build resiliency into your teen. Offer your teen a godly perspective on the changes that are taking place. In addition to modeling the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ during the physically awkward years, Mom and Dad should temper the social pressure to be preoccupied with outward appearance. Teach your children about the inward qualities of godliness. Teach them that they are who they are, not what they look like.
This week we’ve been looking at five steps to take if you have a teen who’s abusing drugs or alcohol. Here’s step number five – Get treatment. A qualified professional will work with parents to prescribe a course of treatment that’s appropriate to the severity of the substance abuse problem. Teenagers with more severe problems should be directed to an ongoing treatment program. Outpatient care is a cost-effective way for teens to continue with the regular activities of life while addressing their substance abuse problems. Inpatient care is a comprehensive approach to treatment recommended for teens who need intensive support, supervision, and education. Look for a successful and highly regarded Christian-based treatment program that involves the family in the counseling and recovery process. Finally, the counseling program should have a good follow-up plan that addresses the possibility of a relapse.
This week we’re looking at five steps to take if you have a teen who’s abusing drugs or alcohol. Here’s step number four – determine the depth of the problem. Experts distinguish four common types of adolescent drug users. The Experimenter uses drugs or alcohol to gain acceptance by the peer group or to satisfy his curiosity as to what the high is all about. The Recreationist uses drugs as an avenue to share a pleasurable experience with friends. The Seeker pursues an altered state of consciousness and regularly uses drugs or alcohol to achieve that effect. The most dangerous user is the Addict. He can’t live without drugs. A thorough initial evaluation should determine where a teenager falls on the severity spectrum. Then, an effective and appropriate course of treatment can be recommended. Parents, love your kids by getting them the help they need to address their substance abuse issues.
This week we’re looking at five steps to take if you have a teen who’s abusing drugs or alcohol. Here’s step number three – Secure the help of a qualified counselor. While we may know our kids better than anyone else, a teenage substance abuse problem requires a course of corrective action and treatment that goes beyond what we can handle on our own. A counselor friend once told me, “If you see a rattlesnake in your basement, you may want to call someone who knows something about rattlesnakes.” Go to your pastor or a trusted counselor for a referral to a competent individual or program with a proven record of successfully handling teenage substance abusers. Look for a counselor who takes into account the spiritual dimension of teenage addiction problems. In a day and age where many counselors view Christianity as a crutch, you’ll want to be sure you choose a Christian counselor who sees God as the solution, not part of the problem.
This week we’re looking at five steps to take if you have a teen who’s abusing drugs or alcohol. Here’s step two – confront the teenager about the problem. Delay only allows a bad situation to get worse. As you prepare to face the teenager, keep three objectives in mind. First, don’t confront him while he’s under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You want him to be in a frame of mind to hear what you have to say. Second, don’t confront him until you are calm. Because your goal is to eliminate the drug problem and deal with the heart issues that have caused it, you should avoid any possibility of coming across harshly. And third, you want the confrontation to yield an admission of the problem and a desire to get help. Because denial is a common addiction problem, a process of intervention might be necessary. If so, enlist the help of a trained Christian professional to facilitate the intervention session.
This week we’re going to look at five steps to take if you discover that a teen you know and love is abusing drugs or alcohol. The first step is to take a deep breath. Don’t panic. Losing your cool, composure, or head will only make the situation worse. In addition, avoid the temptation to feel guilty. Your first priority is to eliminate the influence of substance abuse on your child. Wallowing around in guilt, shame and self-pity can paralyze you and keep you from taking the necessary steps. Remember, your kids have the freedom to make their own choices. For whatever reason, they have made the choice to abuse drugs and/or alcohol. And as you take a deep breath, love your child. Now, more than ever, he needs to know that you’re going to stand by and love him unconditionally – in spite of his bad choices. The best thing we can do when we discover this kind of problem, is to love them.
University of Pennsylvania Psychology professor Angela Duckworth has some great advice for parents that comes from the fruit of her research. Duckworth has been studying self-control in teenagers for several decades, and she has found that cell phones are now the single most potent temptation for adolescents. She has found that teens who keep their cell phone next to them with their screen and sound turned on while studying, get lower grades on their report cards than teens who keep their cell phone in another room while doing homework. In addition, grades are higher for those who put the phone out of sight, or who keep the screen and sound off. Duckworth recommends that parents assist their teens by implementing strategies for what is called “situation modification.” This involves taking intentional steps to change one’s physical surroundings to make it easier to resist temptation. In other words, remove the temptation. Parents, help your kids flourish on this digital frontier.
On this, the first anniversary of my father’s death, I’m thinking about the power of a father’s example. While my dad went out of his way to nurture me in the Christian faith, there was another aspect to his influence on my life for which I am most grateful. My dad learned great lessons from his dad on how to fix just about anything. In turn, my dad would take every opportunity he could to teach me how to diagnose mechanical breakdowns, use tools properly, and fix things. He even put a woodshop in our garage so that I might learn the basics of woodworking. I didn’t always enjoy being sidetracked from my own youthful endeavors to peer under the hood of a car, or take a washing machine apart, but I know now that I learned a great deal. To this day, my wife will often ask me, “how did you know how to do that?” My answer is always the same: My dad showed me. Fathers, don’t underestimate your influence you have on your kids when you patiently give them your time.
I don’t know what life in your family was like when you were growing up, but in my house our parents did not allow us to leave the dinner table until our plates were cleaned. I quickly developed an eating strategy that began with a quick survey of what was sitting on my plate. There was always a mix of proteins, starches, and vegetables. If there was something on my plate that I did not like, it was usually a vegetable. My strategy was to eat what I didn’t like first, and then chase that down with the foods that I did enjoy. I was rarely made to stay at the table for the tortuous job of having to finish my meal with vegetables staring at me from my plate. In today’s world, it seems that fewer and fewer kids are even eating vegetables, and those that are are not eating enough. The CDC reports that just 2% of high school students eat the recommended daily amount of vegetables, and only 7% are eating the recommended amount of fruit. Parents, you can change that, as you teach your kids to steward their God-given bodies.
The digital age is combining with the high value our culture places on pursuing feeling-driven authenticity in ways that most of you will find absolutely unbelievable. A tele-medical services site called Plume has launched, touting itself as “redefining healthcare.” Specifically, the site services those who are looking to secure what’s needed for gender affirming hormone therapy in an effort to transition from one’s birth gender into one’s gender identity. For ninety-nine dollars a month, anyone who states they are aged eighteen or over gets direct online access to medical providers who are available for questions, appointments, information, and prescriptions from the convenience of their smartphone. In addition, for only one hundred and fifty dollars a person wanting to transition can secure a one-time medical letter of support for gender reassignment surgery. This new site serves as another reminder that we must be teaching the beautiful and life-giving biblical standards of the male and female gender binary.
Vanity is defined as excessive pride in or admiration of one’s own appearance or achievements. In today’s world, you are what you look like. As a result, not only do we tend to spend excessive amounts of time and money trying to improve our appearance, but we do the same to our kids. Some would say that fashion model Clare Boyd was incredibly fortunate to be discovered at age thirteen while eating pancakes in a restaurant. While Boyd became a successful high profile model by all standards, she has seen the dark side of the business, including all kinds of exploitation and predatory behavior. What Boyd says about her own two teen daughters should temper any faulty aspirations we might have for our kids. She says, “while I have it in my power to protect them, it will be a no, no, and another emphatic no to the ugly business of modeling.” Parents, it’s easy to let the ways of this world drown out Godly aspirations for our kids. It is their inward character that we should work to develop.
Today, I’d like to share a prayer for ourselves and our kids as we navigate our confusing times. Lord, keep us from sliding with or without thought into the path of spiritual suicide, the easy contemporary path where we wander from your timeless and unchanging Word. Foster in us a keen awareness of our bent to wander, knowingly and unknowingly, off of your well-lit path of holiness and righteousness, and onto the over-populated dark path which is crammed with the world, the flesh, and the devil. May we clearly discern truth from error so that we might not diminish your image in any person, or remake you in our own image through the same rebellious pride that took our first parents out of the garden. Grant us grace that we may ever live under your authority, rather than falling into the deadly trap of believing that we can somehow force you to live under ours. Father, we pray that all of us, young and old alike, would hunger and thirst to live under your authority and your authority alone. Amen.
Little girls love the American Girl line of dolls. My two adult daughters still have their American Girl dolls from their childhood, and my grand daughters are now enjoying the dolls and all their accessories. I’ve known a couple of families who have even made the pilgrimage to the American Girl Doll store in New York City so that their daughters could pick out dolls for themselves. The American Girl 2021 Doll of the year is like all other American girl Dolls. She has a story. This year’s doll is a ten-year old name Kira Bailey who hails from Michigan. As the story goes, Kira’s adventure is a trip to Australia with her mom, where she stays at an animal sanctuary run by her great-aunts, two women who are in a same-sex marriage. Parents, you need to be aware that God’s good design for marriage and sexuality is being challenged by the stories that are present even in the world of play. Be sure to teach the truth about God’s design to your kids. Whoever speaks to them first will own the conversation.
My friend, youth worker Jeff Travis, offers this timely advice to parents and youth workers alike: “As culture has pushed further and further away from anything that could be interpreted as judgmental, I think there has been an even further push to affirm anything a person grasps onto as their ‘own truth’. Our students experience this training against judgment from every direction. Even when they feel like something is wrong, they usually won’t speak up out of fear of being labeled as a bigot or judgmental. Beyond that, according to culture, if you’re not willing to speak up and affirm, your silence speaks judgment for you. As youth workers we can help our students see that every person should be affirmed as a child of God loved by him, rather than affirmed for whatever identity they have chosen. When someone is loved, ‘judgment’ is more easily and openly received. Let’s not fall in with culture and neglect to help our students see sin as sin, and let us push them to be bold in God’s love.”
Way back in the 1970s media critic George Gerbner coined the term mean-world syndrome. In his research, Gerbner was finding that viewers who were exposed to a growing amount of violent television content were more apt to experience an increased level of anxiety, stress, fear, and pessimism in response to perceived threats. In other words, what they were watching on tv, both fictional content and news reports, created a sense that the world was far more dangerous than it actually was, thus leading those viewers to live in fear. Since then, developmental experts have voiced concerns about how mean-world syndrome is effecting kids. In today’s world, 24/7 access to online content has created a phenomenon known as doomscrolling or doomsurfing. Smartphone addicted kids and adults scroll through an almost endless stream of negative perspective shaping online content. The antidote? Lets get our kids to shut down and spend more time in the good news of God’s word.
What have our kids been experiencing over the course of the last twelve months? What has it felt like to grow up in a Covid-infected world where their everyday routines have changed? A friend recently sent me a link to a short three-and-a-half minute film made by a fifteen year old Canadian named Liv McNeil. The film is titled Numb, which offers a hint into what our teens are feeling. I would encourage you to go on YouTube, search for Numb, and then watch the film. I would also suggest that you watch the film with your kids, asking them how it might reflect the way they’re feeling these days. We know that film oftentimes puts into words things our kids can’t express for themselves. As a follow-up to watching the film, ask the Lord to give you a greater sensitivity to your kids. Pray for guidance on how to love, lead, and direct your kids into Scriptures that offer what Jesus called the peace that passes understanding. Our Covid times offer us a great opportunity for ministry to our kids.
Our friends at ProtectYoungMinds.org recently ran a story on some of the sneaky ways that pornography targets kids in today’s online world. One strategy is the use of deepfake technology. Deepfakes are photo manipulations where a person in an existing real photo or video is merged with someone else’s likeness. For example, deepfake technology through the simple use of an online app could take a typical school photo of a child who is fully dressed, and then manipulate that image to remove clothing, replace faces, on put one’s head on another’s body in a manner that is difficult to detect. Deepfakes are often times used to create pornography, and the manipulations are almost indistinguishable from reality. Any photo can be used to create pornography which is automatically added to an online gallery and shared. It is recommended that parents check the social media privacy settings so that photos of your children cannot be harvested for this purpose.
Recently, my wife and I were watching television when a fast-moving, happy-mooded, bouncy-music sixty second commercial popped up on the screen. Everyone on the commercial was happy, confident, and having a good time. We also noticed that every one of the dozens of people on the commercial were young. Most appeared to be well-under the age of forty with many looking to be in their twenties. What was this cheery commercial advertising? It was a commercial for botox, that cosmetic injection that in this case trumpets the opportunity to “look like you, with fewer lines”, and to “own your look, with fewer lines.” The commercial reveals how much we value and even idolize appearance and youthfulness in our culture. We believe that we are what we look like. Dante listed vanity as one of the seven deadly vices, but in today’s world, vanity is encouraged as a virtue. We must teach our kids that God has said that while man looks on outward appearances, he looks on the heart.
Have you ever experienced a mental fog? Signs of mental fog include issues with memory, attention, concentration, decision-making, and other cognitive functions. New research reports that people who smoke and vape are those most likely to report struggling with mental function, regardless of age. But researchers at the university of Rochester Medical Center found that kids were more likely to experience mental fog if they started vaping before the age of fourteen. While smoking and vaping are risky for everyone, we should be very concerned about kids who smoke and vape because of where their brains are in the process of brain development. The adolescent years are extremely critical for healthy brain development. Smoking and vaping have negative and lasting effects on that process. Parents, we need to go out of our way to warn our kids about the physical dangers of substance abuse, and educate our kids on how to worship God through the stewardship and maintenance of their bodies.
Whenever the Super Bowl rolls around, we realize just how excited people get about commercials. This last year during the NFL playoffs, Bud Light started replaying some of their most popular ads from past decades. Then, on Super Bowl Sunday, the actors who have become Bud Light legends appeared together in an updated ad for the beer. Watching these ads reminded me of the power of marketing, particularly the power of marketing alcohol to young underage drinkers. Alcohol ads make it appear it appear that drinking brings people together and makes them happy. There are many good reasons for warning our kids about the dangers of alcohol. One in particular is in regards to the effect alcohol consumption has on the adolescent brain. The teen brain as designed by God is growing and changing in ways that are crucial for future health. We need to teach them that drinking during the teen years can interfere with that process and have long-term negative consequences.
Journalist Colleen Dilthey Thomas recently shared a story about a new teen social media trend that visited the family of a friend. It was Christmas morning and the family’s twelve-year-old son opened a gift containing a pair of athletic pants that had been purchased at a sporting goods chain. As the son removed tags from the pants and the pants pockets, he threw them to the floor. As mom picked them up she noticed that one of the tags wasn’t a tag at all. Rather, it was a card that showed a link to a snapchat profile. Curious and concerned, mom grabbed her phone and went to the link. There she found a young girl’s snapchat page. It seems that has actually been happening more and more as a growing number of tiktok videos show teen girls randomly stuffing these cards in the pockets of clothing on the racks. The goal is to get random followers. But what happens when someone with shady motives gets the card? Parents, let your kids know that this is risky behavior.
I recently learned about a free downloadable Mac application that is designed to help users avoid distractions that come with a lack of self control while online. The app is simply named “self control.” It functions by allowing a user to block their own access to distracting websites or anything else on the internet. Users establish a period of time to block sites on a blacklist that they’ve created for themselves. Once you click start there is no way to access those sites until the timer runs out. You can’t even access those sites by re-booting your computer or deleting the app. While the self-control app might be a necessary last ditch measure for kids who lack self control, it makes sense that we should work with our kids from the youngest ages to help them develop self-control. In Galatians chapter five we read that self-control is a fruit of the spirit. As our children grow in Christ and practice Godly restraint, these habits will form them. Pray for your kids, that they will develop Godly self-control.
New research indicates that the negative mental health impacts of the coronavirus have been felt more significantly by women than by men. The percentage of women reporting worry or stress related to the coronavirus is fifty-three percent, while the percentage of men reporting the same is thirty-seven percent. For parents of children under the age of eighteen, fifty-seven percent of mothers and thirty-two percent of fathers say that worry or stress related to the coronavirus has had a negative impact on their mental health. The last year has been difficult, for sure. As more and more mothers have to bear the load of managing schooling along with all of their other responsibilities, we need to look for ways to support and encourage moms. Dads, you need to step up and help carry the load. Grandparents need to offer assistance. The Coronavirus has given us a golden opportunity to bear each others burdens. All of us need to rely on God to give us his promised measure of grace to carry us through.
One of the best ways to track cultural changes is to look at the new words that make their way into the dictionary each and every year. Back in January, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary added a two-word phrase that is worth pondering for the simple reason that it describes what I believe to be a character flaw that can very easily become a habit. The phrase is “performative disapproving”. It refers to a kind of online digital human interaction where a person posts a meme, a picture, or a statement that communicates a dislike for or an objection to something. Last year’s political, Covid, and racial divisions created an environment where performative disapproving was widespread. But when the stated objections are made purely as an act of show to bolster one’s image or to make a positive impression on others, it is not an act rooted in conviction, but in dishonesty. The Scriptures tell us that we are to tell the truth. And, we are not to find our identity, value, or worth in the approval of others.
With the recent death of Saved By The Bell actor Dustin Diamond, I got to reminiscing about the early 1990s sitcom that took place in the hallowed halls of fictional Bayside High. I went back and watched a couple of clips from the show. One thing that struck me in a powerful way is the fact that the students interactions all took place without the presence of social media. That got me thinking about how smartphones have changed the lives of us all, particularly our kids. Researchers at the University of Arkansas have completed a study which finds that the more time young adults spend on social media, the more likely they are to suffer from depression. Young adults who spend over five hours a day on social media are three times more likely to suffer from depression than those who spend less than two hours a day online. Parents, now is the time to set borders, boundaries, and limits for social media use, so that your kids will develop habits that lead to their mental, relational, and spiritual well-being.
Jojo Siwa is a seventeen-year-old who is having a deep and lasting impact on our kids. She first came to prominence back in 2013 when she appeared as a very young contestant on the reality show, Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition. In 2015 her fame started to build when she was a regular on the reality TV series Dance Moms. She’s released several non-album singles that have charted, and won a host of Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards, including Favorite Viral Music Star, Favorite Musical YouTube Creator, and Favorite Social Music Star. JoJo Siwa is an influencer, as evidenced by her over twelve million young youtube followers. It’s not surprising that she was named as one of Time magazine's one hundred most influential people in 2020. So what’s the big deal? Back in January, she came out to her young fans, revealing she has a girlfriend. Parents, whoever speaks first to your kids about sexuality, defines their understanding of normal and right. Teach them God’s good design.
Your teenagers will make mistakes. They will fall into sin. They will do wrong. They will disappoint you. How should you respond? Christian counselor and parenting expert Dr. Paul Tripp offers some great advice in his helpful book Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. He reminds us that we need to demonstrate to our children “how the Bible interprets, explains, and organizes life.” Tripp writes, “Don’t resort to on-the-fly, ‘This is what I think about it’ or ‘Do it because I said so’ responses. Your teenager needs confidence in Scripture as God’s source of wisdom and understanding about life. He needs to grow in his ability to use this amazingly sufficient resource. Each circumstance also provides an opportunity to demonstrate how the Bible makes sense out of the things your child faces each day. The goal is that he would really embrace Scripture as a ‘lamp to my feet and light to my path’”. We can begin by making the reading of Scripture a practice in our homes.
As a man, I believe that one of the most sobering messages from Jesus about relationships and sexuality is the one found in Matthew 5:28. It is here that Jesus says, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a women with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The truth is that this statement speaks to a battle that all people face, both men and women. Lustful intent flows out of good desires that have gone bad as they have been broken by sin. And, in today’s culture, all of us face a barrage of imagery in magazine, on television, in the movies, and online that intentionally fuel what’s known as sexual objectification. This is our tendency to look at others in ways that only go skin-deep, leading us to view others as nothing more than objects of desire. The reality is that we need to raise our kids to prayerfully seek to see others and themselves as human beings, created by God, and instilled with inner dignity, value, and worth. We are not objects.
In 1652, Thomas Brooks published an eye-opening book I’ve been working through for a couple of years. It’s titled Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices. It’s been a very helpful read. Just like in sports, we must know our opponent and his strategies and tendencies.
In the book, Brooks describes how Satan destroys us by leading us into ignorance through the neglect of reading God’s Word. What results? Brooks’ writes, “Ignorance is the mother of mistake, the cause of trouble, error, and of terror; it is the highway to hell. and it makes a man both a prisoner and a slave to the devil at once.A man without knowledge is as a workman without his hands, as a painter without his eyes, as a traveler without his legs, or as a ship without sails, or a bird without wings, or like a body without a soul.” Parents, we must be teaching our kids to engage in daily reading and study of God’s word. Pray that the Lord gives them an insatiable hunger for His Word.
It’s been my experience that research findings often-times confirm what we’ve known to be true through observation, intuition, and just good-old common sense. That’s certainly the case with a new study entitled “When Do Adolescents Feel Loved?” that’s been published in the journal, Emotion. The study tells us that in parent teen relationships there are daily fluctuations in feeling loved. Any parent and former teen knows this to be true. But according to the study, how we choose to communicate and resolve conflict can either strengthen or weaken our relationship with our kids. It’s not at all surprising that being warm and supportive can take the sting out of conflict. As I read the study’s results, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the instructions the Apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Nurturing children in the faith with supportive discipline is our imperative.
“How’s the food?”, my parents asked in one of our first phone calls during my freshman year of college. My answer wasn’t at all about quality, as much as it was about quantity. “It’s amazing” I answered. “I can go back over and over again to eat as much as I want, and it’s all free!” If I remember correctly, my dad set me straight with a reminder that my college food was in fact being paid for. I’m assuming there were no parental admonishments to hold back since they knew that I was a growing boy. Fortunately for me, my high metabolism at the time and my almost daily exercise kept me from gaining too much weight. What about today’s college students? New research from the U.K. found that Ninety percent of college students are not meeting the recommended exercise targets, with three in ten not exercising at all. While exercise can become an idol, not enough compromises the stewardship of our God-given bodies. Teach your kids to worship God by maintaining their physical health.
The Bible tells us about the way things in our world should be. As Christian parents raising teens trying to find their way through a world that’s broken and terribly mixed-up, we are given a responsibility to help them wade through the muck that is, by leading them into an understanding of the way things should be. In Old Testament times, God raised up prophets who were called to do just that. In today’s world, God has given our kids parents who should be doing that job. But how are we to speak prophetically into our kids’ lives? When you discover a cultural lie that your kids are facing or embracing, shed the light of God’s life-giving truth on that lie. A hallmark of Godly parenting is continually assuming the prophetic posture, helping our kids see the difference between the ways of the world and the ways of living according to God’s Kingdom priorities. Of course, remember that to effectively communicate God’s Word, you must first be immersed in God’s Word.
Once again I want to issue a warning regarding our kids, loud noises, and the long-term damage that can be done to their hearing. Researchers now tell us that most teenagers are engaged in dangerous listening habits, with nearly half of our teens already showing potential signs of hearing loss. These signs include ringing, roaring, and buzzing in the ears, along with ear pain. One in six teens have symptoms often or all the time. Researchers have also warned us to take note of the risky habits that contribute to this problem. In fact, nearly nine out of ten teens are involved in some combination of listening to loud music with earphones, using lawn mowers and other loud tools, or are using noisy powered toys. Parents, our ears and our hearing are a gift from God. And not only can bad habits at a young age contribute to hearing loss, but hearing loss is a gateway to a host of other health issues. Get your kids to turn down the volume, to wear ear protection, and to avoid exposure to loud noises.
Parents, how much time and money did you give away last year? And what are you teaching your kids about tithing? In the Old Testament, we learn that God’s people were to give ten percent of their property, produce, and income to the Lord and his work. All throughout church history and up until today, tithing is rightly emphasized as a way to faithfully steward that which God has entrusted to us as we not only fund God’s work, but are reminded that all we have is ultimately not our own. There are no reliable statistics on how much our teenagers are giving away. What we do know is that as part of our responsibility to nurture the faith of our kids, we need to teach them to handle their resources responsibly. A good rule for us to follow and to teach our kids is the rule my dad instilled in our family. The first tenth of everything you make is to be given to the Lord’s work. If you can, give more. The second tenth goes into savings, and with the rest you live. Teach your kids principles of Biblical stewardship.
Several years ago, a concerned father approached me at a church to ask me a question about the powerful voices of youth culture: “How can I expect my 13-year-old son to hear the still small voice of God with all these other voices screaming in his ears, ‘Come and follow! Come and follow! Come and follow!” The battle to hear the life-giving voice of God is not limited to the ears of our children and teens. The voices of what the Apostle Paul calls “the course of this world” are all around us as we endeavor to parent our kids. Those voices are loud, attractive, compelling, and convincing. And the greater the number of our parenting peers who follow those voices, the greater the pressure on us to do the same. The Psalmist knows full well that he needs guidance and direction. In Psalm 25:4 He asks the Lord to “show me” and “teach me your paths.” We are called to do the same. And, we must instill in our kids a passion to be shown and taught as well.
As I’ve continued to look around at a world where people’s lives are being ravaged by our current pandemic, I can’t help but be reminded that for the Christian, suffering is seen as something that can be redemptive as opposed to destructive. Yes, it hurts. I don’t like it. But the reality is that God uses suffering in our lives for our good and His glory. I am reminded of these words from my friend Dr. Ed Welch: “Suffering is used by God to make us more like him. God uses suffering to expose our hearts, to teach us to depend on him, and to train us in faith. How does that happen? Suffering shows us what is in our hearts. Do we trust God, or is our hope in the good things he has given us? Suffering burns away self-deception by making us aware of what we turn to apart from Jesus to make our lives work the way we want. As we suffer, we find out if our faith in God is genuine?” Parents, do you have this perspective? Go to the Scriptures and teach yourselves and your kids the great benefits of suffering.
Parents, what will your children be choosing as a career when they grow up? I remember wondering that about each of my four kids from the moment they were born. You have probably done the same. A new survey found that seventy-five percent of today’s parents say they already know what their child will be when they grow up. At the top of the list are careers in the science, technology, and engineering fields. After than comes careers in healthcare, and jobs in the food industry. It seems that these choices have been made largely due to trends in the job market, along with a desire for children to have a high-paying career. While it would be easy for Christian parents to pursue these same goals for our kids, there is a better way. Our goal should be to first and foremost encourage our kids to discover and develop their unique God-given gifts and abilities. Monetary success should not be a prime motivator. And then, we must teach them that whatever they do, they should do it to the glory of God.
The latest statistics on opioid overdoses here in the United States serve as a stark reminder of just how bad the opioid crisis has gotten. What’s even more alarming is the fact that a quarter of all opioid overdoses involve teenagers, with a full one-fifth of those cases likely being suicide attempts. This reality serves to remind us of our need to intervene with preventive steps. A good start is to love and nurture kids in ways that build the kind of resilience that keep kids from turning to drugs for relief or escape. When there is an absence of loving and caring adults, kids feel pressure, and left to themselves they are prone to choose dangerous and sometimes deadly behaviors as coping mechanisms. In addition, we must be aware of the constant pressure to experiment with drugs and alcohol. In response, we must provide consistent oversight, and talk about the dangers. Ultimately, we must prayerfully work to point them finding new life and hope in Christ, along with a heartfelt desire to live to His glory.
Polyamory is a cultural trend that you need to be aware of. The word Polyamory comes from two Greek words, poly which means many, and amor which means love. In our contemporary situation, polyamory is the belief and practice of forming intimate relationships with more than one partner with the informed consent of all partners involved. It is also described as non-monogamy. It is consensual and seen as virtuous by those who are embracing and practicing this trend. Everything about polyamory goes against God’s good design for marriage, which has been instituted at creation as a monogamous life-long covenantal union between one man and one woman. Last summer, the city of Somerville, Massachusetts put a stamp of approval on polyamory by adopting a new domestic partnership ordinance that grants polyamorous households the rights held by spouses in a marriage. Parents, your role is to teach your kids to follow God’s design for love, sex, and marriage, rather than the cultural whims.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are now telling us that bullying effects one in five high school students, and one in four middle school students. While none of us want to see our kids suffer at the hands of bullies, we must also be aware of the fact that our kids could be doing the bullying. Experts tell us that some of the signs that a child is bullying someone else include getting into physical and verbal fights, hanging out with friends who are bullies, becoming increasingly aggressive, and getting into trouble in school on a frequent basis. Other signs include blaming others for their problems, not accepting responsibility for their actions, and having unexplained extra money or new belongings. We believe that Christian nurture is an important component in preventing bullying. Jesus calls us to “love one another as I have loved you.” Parents, model Christlike compassion for others to your kids, and be sure to monitor their interactions with their peers.
I recently had a grandmother tell me about an uncomfortable conversation she had with her elementary-aged grandson. Prompted by watching a TV news story on the current teen vaping epidemic, the inquisitive boy had asked grandma whether she had ever been a smoker. In an effort to be totally honest, the grandmother told her grandson that “yes”, she had been a smoker during her teenage years. When the boy followed up with another question, “Why did you smoke?”, the grandmother told the truth. “All my friends smoked. I didn’t want to be left out.” She went on to explain how she had made an unwise choice to give in to peer pressure. Proverbs 13:20 tells us that “he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Yes. . . my own adolescent experience is proof enough of the truth of those wise words. Parents, equip your kids to face the reality of peer pressure by guiding them into following the Word of God, rather than the course of this world.
Parents, there is a movement sweeping through today’s youth culture that’s promoting anything and everything opposed to God’s good order and design for sexuality and gender. It’s known as the sex-positive movement, and it endeavors to change cultural attitudes and norms about sexuality. As it promotes countless forms of sexual expression as natural and healthy to life as a human being, it is serving to convince kids that biblical sexuality is actually sex-negative. God’s design, it is believed, constricts healthy sexuality by putting borders and boundaries on matters of sexual and gender expression. The sex-positive movement is being trumpeted to our kids through media, music, and comprehensive sex education in our schools. Nothing is out of bounds as each individual is able to decide for themselves what to choose to do and how they choose to do it. Parents, the culture is speaking a loud and clear message to our kids. Are you countering that message with Biblical truth?
One of the great Christian truths that we’ve overlooked and even forgotten in our day is this: that God does his best work in our lives when he brings us to the end of ourselves through the gift of suffering. My most mature Christian friends would all say that the path to spiritual maturity and vitality has been through the refiner’s fire of suffering. None of us like suffering, and if I had my way, I would avoid it altogether. It’s not at all fun. But when we enter into difficult times, we can know that God has not forgotten us, but rather He is in the midst of doing something good. Tim Keller writes these words about suffering: “God shakes our confidence in our earthly life so that we can yearn for our heavenly life, where our joy is truly unshakable and where our wailing will be turned into dancing.” King David reminds us of this truth in Psalm 30. Take some time today to read David’s words in Psalm 30, meditate on them, and then talk about them with your kids.
One of the unforgettable lessons I remember hearing from the late Christian writer, Dr. John White, was in response to a question he was asked about how he had learned to relate to his own wayward son. White simply said that he had learned to live his life according to this simple yet profound principle: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.” My heavenly father has showered me with tremendous amounts of love and amazing grace. Along with the apostle Paul in Romans 5:8 I have to say, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”, and in his words to a young Timothy in I Timothy 1: 14 and 15 “The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst”. Because of this, we cannot help but be agents of grace.
What is our purpose in life? We discover our true purpose and identity when we see ourselves as individuals made in the image of God for a relationship with God. The way into that relationship with God is through following Jesus. Have you ever paused to ponder the wonder of God’s grace? Isn’t amazing that He has provided a way back into relationship, purpose, and identity through Jesus Christ? Following Jesus is the path to life and salvation. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus calls us to deny ourselves and “follow” Him. When Jesus called His first disciples to “follow” it was not a suggestion, but a command. One Bible scholar says that the word “follow” is “the Disciple’s word.” It’s the word that’s the key to life. Parents, Jesus uses the word “follow” to summon you and your children to Himself. It involves an act of self-denial and surrender that includes both a cost and a cross. But ultimately, it is the only way to freedom in this life and the next.
There’s a big difference between seeing yourself as a human being instilled with dignity, and seeing yourself as an object. Sadly, theworld of advertising is pounding our kids with a non-stop deluge of images that support a self-understanding that’s more like the latter than the former. Our kids are being taught to objectify others, and to be objectified themselves. For a long time, females have been portrayed as “eye candy” and “boy toys.” They’ve learned that their value and worth has been based on what they look like and how they serve the needs of others as sexual things. Now, the pressure’s being felt by our boys as well. When you get hammered with these messages from birth, they’re bound to stick. You should be committed to helping your teen not only identify marketing’s stereotypes, but to consciously and thoughtfully process them out loud in a way that leads them to realize how far these images stray from God’s order and design. Teach your kids about who they are in Jesus Christ.
Parents and youth workers should certainly tell the truth and point kids to the truth. But we must also take courage, realizing that when teens question the Christian faith while investigating other faith systems, they may in fact be taking steps towards a real and vital personal Christian faith. The thing you think might indicate a weakening or disappearing faith in God, just might be the very thing God uses to reinforce, cement, and strengthen their faith as it passes through the refiner’s fire of speculation, examination, doubt, and questioning. The questioning attitude of a teenage child who has been raised and instructed in the faith can be the most challenging and disheartening aspect of parenting for Christian parents. I know several parents who have weathered this storm to watch their children grow up with a faith that has become their own. In fact, many parents have embraced the storm knowing that in the long run, their child will be better for having gone through the difficulty.
Here at CPYU we endeavor to keep you up-to-date on the latest trends regarding teenagers and drugs. While we lament the reality of any teenager abusing drugs and alcohol, there is a positive trend which is somewhat encouraging. Researchers at Washington State University have found that between 2004 and 2017, that average age for first use has been trending upward. The age at which teens started drinking alcohol and smoking rose from sixteen to seventeen. The age of first use for those trying heroin rose from seventeen to eighteen. And for first use of cocaine it went from eighteen to nineteen. Researchers believe that this positive trend is evidence of the fact that drug and alcohol prevention efforts are working. The take away for us as parents is to keep working to warn our kids about the physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual toll that drug and alcohol use exacts. Teach your kids to rely on God’s Word, and to carefully steward the gift of their brains and bodies.
The trend towards a sense of entitlement is especially prevalent among those children and teens who live on the receiving end of a silver spoon. On the other end are parents who feed their kids an endless parade of opportunities, activities, and things - all without ever having to work for any of it. These kids wind up believing that they will never have to work for anything, because, after all, they deserve it. A Harris Interactive Poll found that 90 percent of parents do think that it’s important for their children to work to pay for the things they want. But the reality is that not that many kids had jobs. The survey found that there is a disconnect between the desired end result and what the kids are actually doing. The words of theologian John Wesley are worth teaching to our children: “Work as hard as you can, to make all the money you can, to save as much as you can in order to give away all that you can.”
Whether you know it or not, most if not all of us engage from time to time in what’s known as ethnographic research. Ethnography is the study of people in their social environments through the practice of observation. Your own engagement in ethnography has no doubt revealed just how attached we human beings are to our smartphone screens, even from the youngest of ages. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children ages eighteen months and under should not be allowed to engage with screens. Children from ages eighteen to twenty-four months should engage with screens slowly. And children ages two to five should be limited to an hour a day. But researchers have found that eighty-seven percent of children have daily screen time which exceeds these recommendations. We are just now learning the effects of screen time, and we do know that the more time we spend, the more we become attached to our devices. Are you pushing back on digital dependence in your home?
One of the great undercurrents driving so much in today’s youth culture and culture-at-large is the belief that everyone has been given the right to define right and wrong however they might choose. In addition, it is now seen as virtuous to give others the room to do as they please, which is what we now call tolerance. Sadly, these ideas have infiltrated the realm of parenting. Rather than teaching their children God’s life-giving borders and boundaries that are given to protect us from harm and provide for our well-being, parents are giving kids the freedom to choose for themselves what they will believe and how they will live. Many parents do this, they say, because they are motivated by love. But is this really what love is? Parents, the fact is that God’s love does not say “do what you will.” Rather, it says “do what I will.” In the same way, parental love that is good and true does not look at kids and say ‘do what you will,’ but rather “do what God wills”.
In his first letter addressed to followers of Jesus, the Apostle John issues a six-word parting statement that is extremely direct and powerful. These six words remind us of just how easy it is to fall prey to ideas, habits, and things that become so important in our lives that they take the place of God. John writes, “Dear children, keep yourselves from idols” (I John 5:21). There is a fundamental incompatibility between the worship of God and the worship of idols. Idolatry has been defined as turning good things into “ultimate” things. Perhaps the current Covid-19 pandemic has helped you to see the idols you’re prone to embrace. Share John’s warning with your kids. Teach them to run from idols like the plague. Help them to look for and see the idols that are not easily recognizable. This conflict and temptation will not disappear until the day when Jesus returns and all things are made new. Keeping one’s self from idols is a conscious pursuit we must embrace, model, and teach.
Parents, I know that most of you are feeling the heavy weight that’s come with parenting during 2020’s coronavirus pandemic. Your work schedules and locations have changed. You’ve had to grapple with new economic concerns. Many of you have had to step up and take the lead in the ongoing education of your kids. You are tired and time is at a premium. In the midst of all this craziness, the temptation will be to let your most important parenting task slide. God calls us to bring up and nurture our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But with time at a premium these days and our patience running thin, day after day might pass without carving out time to not only tend to your own spiritual lives, but to tend to the spiritual life of your kids. The Psalmist reminds us that God’s word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our paths. Whatever you do, be sure to keep the light shining in your life and in your home. God will use these difficult times to do great work in our families!
It’s important that when we talk to our kids about following Jesus that we take the time to explain the fact that there is a cost. Way too many of us were raised believing that becoming a Christian would solve all our problems, make our lives easy, and lead to happiness. The reality is that there is a cost. In the last few verses of Luke Chapter nine, we read about three people who came to Jesus to express their willingness to follow him. Jesus responds with words about having no place to lay our heads, letting the dead bury their own dead, and putting hands to the plow and not looking back. What Jesus is saying that the life of discipleship is not an easy life. There will be little comfort as we are not at home in this world. Following Jesus should take precedence over every other relationship. The reality is that discipleship is not a half-hearted endeavor. Parents, we must first consider the cost of discipleship ourselves. And then, we must clearly state the cost of living a life of discipleship with our kids.
The word “thinspo” is cutting a dangerous path through today’s youth culture. Spelled t-h-i-n-s-p-o, Thinspo is short for thin inspiration. It’s a social media user movement offering up memes, quotes, pictures, and posts designed to encourage diet and weight loss. The movement is coming under fire for the ways in which it promotes warped and unhealthy body image standards, particularly for our girls. Experts are rightly warning that the thinspo movement is fueling disordered eating and body dysmorphia. One of many memes I viewed simply says, “Don’t ever stop trying. Because one day, you will be thin.” One seventeen year old in the thinspo movement posted a video on TikTok telling viewers that all she had consumed that day was a jug filled with ice water, with the hashtag what I eat in a day. Parents, the pressure to be thin is strong. Peer influence is powerful. Be aware, and encourage your kids away from the dangers of worshiping the god of thinness.
Our teenagers’ lives are marked by a convergence of realities that often result in sinful behavior. They are fallen and depraved beings, they are at a developmental stage where impulsivity is strong, they believe they can make good decisions, and they are immersed in a peer culture that oftentimes exerts a powerful negative influence. When they fail, we can easily be lured into believing that if their outward behavior suddenly conforms to Godly standards, everything is alright on the inside. As a result, we sometimes fall into the trap of putting a premium on outward behavior, rather than on inward heart change. Jesus reminds us that we should shoot for the heart, not the behavior. When speaking about the Pharisees he said, “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me”. While it might be easier on us if we demand and receive behavioral conformity from our kids, the reality that bears long-term fruit for the Kingdom of God is the obedience that flows not from fear, but from a changed heart.
Today’s message is one for every adult who is listening. I’m including parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, youth workers, teachers, and anyone else who is involved in a church where there are children and teens. My friends David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock have researched the variables that lead to young people growing into a vital adult faith in Jesus Christ. One variable that sets strong Christian young adults apart from those who leave the church is the presence of relational connections. In other words, young adults who are strong in their faith cite the church being a place they feel like they belong and connections to a community of Christians as vital to faith development. Their churches feel and function like a family. Their churches are made up of people they want to be around. To every adult who is listening we offer this challenge: go out of your way to connect and build significant, caring relationships with the children and teens in your church.
I recently did a little internet search that resulted in learning just how many types of phobias and fears exist in today’s world. For example, Octophobia is the fear of the figure eight. Chromophobia is the fear of colors. Koumpounophobia is the fear of buttons. And phobophobia is fear of phobias! One new phobia that researchers have been looking at lately is known a nomophobia, which is the fear of being out of smartphone contact. You may or may not be surprised to find that eighty-nine percent of our college students report experiencing moderate to severe nomophobia. And those who experience more severe forms of nomophobia are also more likely to experience poor sleep quality, including trouble falling asleep, restless sleep, and the resulting sleepiness during the day. One remedy is to curtail the use of phones before bed. God has created us with a need for sleep. Help your kids sleep well by removing phones from their rooms.
In today’s rapidly changing youth culture landscape, more and parents are being blind-sided by children who announce that they want to transition from their biological gender to the opposite gender. Known as gender-reassignment that’s accomplished through hormone treatments and radical surgeries, there has been an argument made in the psychological community that patients experience mental health benefits after gender reassignment. Recently, the American Journal of Psychiatry issued a major correction to a prior study. They now say that neither gender reassignment hormone treatments nor gender reassignment surgeries reduce the need of transgender identifying people for mental health services. In her new book, Irreversible Damage, Abigail Shrier writes, “nearly all of the detransitioners I spoke with are plagued with regret.” Parents, in God’s goodness and grace he has created us male and female. Teach your kids to listen to God’s message on gender, rather than the culture’s.
In his new book, Girls on the Edge, Dr. Leonard Sax offers some advice that is helpful in building resilience in kids, and on pushing back on a disturbing cultural trend. That trend is the growing belief that unkind words are actually a form of violence. Sax says that words are not violence. Yes, words can be cruel, just as violence can be cruel. But words and violence are not the same thing. Sax says that we are training our kids to make mountains out of molehills. We are nurturing them to be fragile rather than resilient and robust. He writes, “If you tell a child that they will be harmed by unkind words and that unkind words are a form of violence, then you increase the risk that a child will actually experience harm when they hear unkind words. And rare is the child who will ever get through childhood without hearing an unkind word. But if you tell a child they are strong enough to keep from allowing words to hurt them, then you will decrease the risk of that child experiencing any lasting harm.
If you’ve watched the compelling and eye-opening Netflix documentary, The Social Dilemma, you are familiar with Justin Rosenstein. He is one of the many brilliant young tech developers who appear in the film to trumpet the personal and societal dangers caused by the very tools he helped create. The thirty-seven year old was the creator of the Facebook like button, all with good intent. But now, Rosenstein is not only wary of social media, but is sounding a warning about how social media hijacks and changes our lives. New research from the University of Texas at Austin has connected Facebook’s like button with heightened levels of depression and anxiety among adolescents. If a young person doesn’t get enough likes on their posts, they tend to become emotionally distressed. Our kids are navigating a world where they need to be affirmed in their value and worth. It won’t come from social media likes. It can only come from finding our place in this world as people made and loved by God.
I recently walked with two parents through some difficult circumstances involving a teenage child. Dad and mom were blindsided by the discovery of some ongoing habits and poor behavioral choices. As a difficult parent-teen confrontation loomed on the horizon, there was genuine and justified concern about how their teenager would respond. Up to this point, the teen was living what appeared to be a life dedicated to following Jesus Christ. As we chatted through how to best address the matter, I asked the parents this question: Are there other adults in your church who your teen trusts and loves? The answer, thankfully, was “yes”. The investment made in forming relationships with older adults other than mom and dad could potentially pay great dividends as they looked ahead to what was going to be a difficult road. Parents, do all you can to help your kids build relationships with other caring Christian adults. They will support you by being there to love and lead your kids into the truth.
For as long as I can remember, teenagers have been in pursuit of cool. The word “cool” has never gone out of style, as kids desire to fit in by adopting whatever it is that the cool kids are doing. In his new book, Girls on the Edge, Dr. Leonard Sax describes how girls today are pursuing cool in some very alarming ways. He recounts a conversation with an intervention specialist who has been working for years with girls who cut themselves as a way to deal with their emotional pain. Once limited to a very small and troubled fringe group of kids, cutting has moved into the mainstream. The intervention specialist told Dr. Sax that she is seeing a huge shift where cutting has become a social contagion. She says, “All the cool girls are doing it. They show off their cuts to the other girls, as a sign of how cool they are. It’s spreading like crazy.” Parents, you need to keep an eye on your kids. If you see signs of cutting and self-injury, be sure to get counseling help from a qualified Christian counselor.
As Christian parents, what can we do to help our teens weather the inevitable storm of negative peer pressure in a way that brings honor and glory to their heavenly father? First, realize that negative peer pressure is a spiritual battle that all of us fight constantly. Like the apostle Paul, we will find ourselves baffled by our behavior. Second, pray for your kids as they face the pressure on a daily basis. Third, examine yourself to see how your example serves them as a model of how to handle negative peer pressure. Fourth, live a lifestyle of following Christ instead of the crowd. Fifth, actively help your children to realize their value and worth in God’s eyes so that they are less prone to seek the approval of others. Sixth, get your kids involved in a positive peer group where following Christ is celebrated and affirmed by leaders and friends alike. And finally, help your kids understand the truth of Proverbs 13:20 – that the person who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
Because Jesus Christ is Lord over all of life, our faith does have something to say about how we treat and care for our bodies. Our physical selves need to be taken care of and stewarded as an act of worship. On a practical level, we need to be teaching our kids to not worship their bodies, but to care for them through proper diet and exercise. The recently released Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey from the CDC is reporting a trend that we as parents should be addressing. Almost seventeen percent of the middle school and high school students surveyed report that they had not eaten breakfast on all seven days during the seven days before the survey. The CDC warns that this trend is on the increase. In fact, it is up from thirteen percent back in 2011. Dietary experts tell us that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as it kickstarts and fuels our systems. Teach your kids that a healthy body is one that serves them well as they endeavor to serve the Lord throughout the day.
A few years ago I was speaking about social media to a group of parents and teens at a church. Afterwards, a mom and dad pushed their 14-year-old boy in front of me and told him, “Go ahead, tell Mr. Mueller about your goal in life.” The boy looked at me and with great confidence proclaimed that he was going to become a YouTube star. As I listened, I knew I needed to discourage him away from focusing all his energies on the pursuit of fame and endorsement fortune. God wants us to focus our energies on discovering and developing our gifts and abilities so that we might bring him glory. But I also knew that while YouTube celebrity status for this kids was a slim possibility, it was still a possibility. In today’s world, kids can make short videos about absolutely nothing and they can go viral on platforms like TikTok in almost no time, generating millions of views. Sadly, this fuels our obsession with building a brand and gaining attention. Parents, are you pointing your kids to the pursuit of something better?
Is what you see posted on social media an accurate and honest portrayal of reality? When you look at the social media accounts of other families and other people’s kids are left feeling that your family is somehow an inadequate mess? And when you post on social media do you communicate an accurate portrayal of you, your marriage, your family, and your kids? If we’re honest, we are so beaten down by what we see in others that we portray ourselves online with what’s been called “an idealized self.” I recently chatted with a mom who has had enough with the pressure that comes with the comparison game. She told me, “I’m done! I’m done posting, and I’m done believing that what I see online is actually what others really are.” In many ways, this mom was finding freedom from pursuing the idol of the idealized self and getting the attention of others. Social media is fertile ground for idolatry. Present yourself and your family honestly, and don’t believe everything you see!
Our kids are swimming in a cultural soup that is ever-present, powerful, compelling, convincing, and potent in terms of its life-shaping power. Guess what? You and I are swimming in that same soup as well. As followers of Jesus, we need to be constantly aware of the soup and its potential and very real effects on us, and we need to be teaching our kids to do the same. The Bible and way we read it is crucial to our success in navigating today’s world to the glory of God. Tim Keller writes these helpful words, “Contemporary people tend to examine the Bible, looking for things they can’t accept, but Christians should reverse that, allowing the bible to examine us, looking for things God can’t accept.” Parents, everything in life should be viewed through the corrective lenses of a Christian world and life view. That world and life view can only be shaped by prayerful immersion in God’s Word. Is God’s Word central to your life? Is God’s Word central in your home?
The Barna Group identifies three approaches to parenting being utilized today. Parenting by default is what Barna calls the path of least resistance. In this approach, parents do whatever comes naturally as influenced by cultural norms and traditions. The objective is to keep everyone happy without allowing parenting to dominate other aspects of the parent’s life. The second approach is trial and error parenting. In this approach, parents see themselves as amateurs, believe that there are no guidelines to follow, and you just set out to do your best. The third and least common approach is revolutionary parenting. These parents take God’s word on life and family at face value, and apply those words faithfully and consistently. Barna’s research shows that revolutionary parenting results in deep and real faith-based transformation in the lives of children, rather than simply accepting the aging and survival of the child as a satisfactory result. Parents, how are you parenting your child?
I recently read Abigail Shrier’s book, Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters. It’s a book I highly recommend. In the book, Shrier describes the current social contagion sweeping through the population of adolescent and pre-adolescent girls that’s been labeled rapid onset gender dysphoria. Simply stated, girls without any prior history of questioning their biological gender, are being influenced to change their gender through changing dress and outward appearance, through puberty blocking drugs, through hormone therapy, and through radical gender reassignment surgery. What’s even worse is this: Shrier tells how physicians, counselors, schools, and parents are trusting the feelings of their kids and jumping on board to affirm this nonsense. Parents, you are the parent for a reason. Don’t go along with the current cultural stupidity that encourages everyone to embrace a you be you mindset. Teach and even enforce God’s glorious design for gender.
Like you, I grew up in a world without smartphones. Compared to life for our kids in today’s world, our ability to take photographs was minimal. Cameras with film kept us from seeing what our photos looked like until the developed photos came back from the lab, sometimes a month or so later. Pictures that captured us in awkward moments were actually seen as prizes. We called them candids. In today’s world, smartphones double as digital cameras, and photos are seen immediately. And with social media serving to set the bar high for what a photo should look like, more pictures are probably deleted than are saved and shared. New research from the UK has found that the concern over our online appearance is so powerful, that thirty-four percent of eleven to twenty-one year old girls won’t post a photo of themselves online without using a filter or app to enhance it first. In today’s world, beauty is only skin-deep. But in God’s grand design, it is inward character that is most important.
Parents, what do you value most when you think about your kids and your desire for their future. I’ve learned that as a parent, the idols of my heart are exposed if my greatest desires are to lead my kids to an impressive academic resume, great athletic prowess, and the acceptance that comes with maintaining a high and respected profile in their peer group. That last one is what we typically call popularity. As Christian parents we are called to not only live counter-culturally as an act of worship, but to lead our kids into doing the same. Consequently, our greatest parental desire must be to prayerfully endeavor to instill in them a rich and deep spiritual legacy. We want to see our kids flourish as followers of Jesus Christ. We cannot forget that this is the only thing that will satisfy their deepest longings and desires. Take time each day to immerse yourself in God’s Word, to pray for your kids, and to converse with them about the things that do ultimately matter.
U.S. News and World Report recently ran a piece entitled "Five Concerning Trends That Affect The Health of the iGeneration." Each the of the five trends warrant our attention and our response. First, there’s the reality of our kids spending lots of time staring at screens. There are far too many negative outcomes from too much screen time to list here. The best response is to limit screen time, and as some suggest, don’t let kids on social media until they are sixteen years old. Second, there is the trend toward anxiety and depression. Not surprisingly, one of the main causes of anxiety and depression is too much time on their devices. Third, is the growing number of kids who vape. We need to parent them into seeing the dangers of nicotine use. Fourth, is the rise in kids using marijuana. We need to help them see that drug use is dangerous. And finally, there is a rise in suicide. These trends remind us that our kids need to rest in the hope of the Gospel. Are you pointing your kids to the Cross?
Today’s children and teens face a difficult and complex set of issues and problems. The result is that many are walking around buried in deep hurt. In his book Help! My Kids Are Hurting, my friend Marv Penner offers acronym L-O-V-E to help us think through the skills needed to help wounded kids. The letter L stands for listening – the most fundamental skill needed by anyone working with hurting kids. We must close our mouths and listen intently as they tell their story. O refers to what we offer students. They’ve opened up with us because they believe we have something they need. We must offer hope and the willingness to go deeper with them. V calls us to validate what’s happening in the lives of hurting kids. We must let them know that their pain and feelings are real and legitimate. E reminds us to eliminate immediate dangers including behaviors and relationships, especially if they are on a path to hurting themselves or others. Our kids desperately need our LOVE.
More and more, I’m encountering Christian parents who express fear about passing on the faith to their children. They don’t want to force-feed anything to their kids, and they worry that their kids won’t respond well to efforts to nurture them in the faith. Recent research from the Pew Research Center should serve to encourage us to boldly train up a child in the way he or she should go. The research reminds parents to take the lead in the spiritual nurture of their children and teens. Why? Because a majority of teens ages thirteen to seventeen still follow their parents’ lead when it comes to religion. Eighty-eight percent of teens growing up in evangelical homes say they enjoy religious activities with their families. What are those activities? Fifty five percent read the bible together. Eighty percent say grace at family meal-times. And eighty-eight percent spend time talking about the faith. Parents, don’t be timid. Your kids have been made for a relationship with God, and you’ve been charged to nurture them in the faith.
It’s not at all surprising that researchers have found a link between heavy use of the social media platform Instagram, and anxiety about one’s body image. The study, published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture, surveyed one hundred and thirty women ages eighteen to thirty-five. The results showed that frequency of Instagram use is correlated to depressive symptoms, self-esteem, general and physical appearance anxiety, and body dissatisfaction. How does this happen? Instagram and all other visual social media platforms fuel comparison. Looking at touched up, curated, and carefully posed photos that presents others at their best tends to make us feel less than in terms of our own appearance. This is not just an issue for eighteen to thirty-five year old women. We are hearing about the same negative outcomes for children and teens who spend time on social media platforms. Let’s limit our kids time on social media, and teach them to see themselves as God sees and accepts them.
Perhaps nowhere is our questionable example more powerfully displayed than outside the white lines surrounding our kids’ fields of play. I’ve found the following directives to be helpful guides for being a responsible sideline parent. “Winning isn’t everything.” “Playing hard while maintaining Godly character is everything.” “Win or lose, the final score will soon be forgotten.” “Games are to be played.” “Play is to be fun.” “Let them play.” “Let them have fun.” “If you can’t say anything constructive or encouraging, keep your mouth shut.” “Let the official call the game.”“Live your life in your own shoes. Let them play in theirs.” Plato once said, “You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than you can in a lifetime of conversation.” A twist on Plato’s words ring true today: we can learn quite a bit about a parent in a few minutes of observing them watch their own child play. Parents, if we’re going to scream anything, it should be words of encouragement, praise, and acceptance.
In his new book, Girls on the Edge, Dr. Leonard Sax describes four factors that he believes are putting girls at risk in today’s rapidly changing culture. One of those factors is what he labels as environmental toxins. Sax lists some of the environmental factors that are causing girls to enter puberty at a younger age. He mentions how what our girls eat will effect the onset of puberty, with girls who eat high fat and high calorie diets experiencing puberty at earlier ages. Of course there are other factors at play. Pediatricians are now saying that the onset of puberty and breast development as early as age seven is within the normal range. Those of us raising girls need to be aware that earlier onset of puberty puts girls at risk of a host of challenges, including anxiety, depression, sexual victimization, disordered eating, and substance abuse. We need to be diligent in supporting our girls and leading them through changes as we nurture them in the Lord.
In his book, The Culturally Savvy Christian, Dick Staub talks about the powerful role popular culture has taken in shaping our faith. Dick writes, “Popular culture has fed us a veritable potluck of beliefs about God, heaven, hell, truth, sex, drugs, friendship, love, marriage, morality, and everything else under the sun. Today’s individual is the blender into which are poured ingredients provided by television, movies, song lyrics, celebrities, friends, teachers, parents, advertisements, billboards, and articles on the web. The directions? Add ingredients, press the button, chill, and serve. Popular culture has become a mediator between God and humans.” Dick Staub gets it right. We are increasingly letting the world, and not the word, mediate our understanding of God. Your kids are growing up in this media saturated world. What are you doing to point them to the word of God? Are you in a relationship with God’s mediator Jesus Christ? Are you living the truths of God’s word? Your kids are watching.
One of the most haunting verses in Scripture is one that we should ponder if we care about the spiritual growth and development of our kids. It’s found in the book of Judges, Chapter two, verse ten. The Israelites have crossed into the promised land of Canaan and their leader, Joshua, had died. And then we read this: And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that He had done for Israel.” Whenever I read that passage I wonder to myself, How could this have happened? The reality is that when one generation fails to nurture the next generation in the Lord, that next generation will be prone to turn their backs on God and follow their own hearts into serving and worshipping other Gods. Here’s the takeaway: it only takes a generation to lose a generation. The most important task that we have is to lead our children to a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
A recent survey from Piper Sandler reveals that the Apple iPhone is increasingly the smartphone of choice among teenagers. In fact, the number of teens who want to buy an iPhone in the next twelve months is at an all-time high of eighty-nine percent. When nine out of ten teens are desiring a particular product, we need to take note. Two factors that play into this desire is the effectiveness of Apple’s marketing of themselves as trendy and cool, along with the peer pressure that comes with the sense that everyone else has an iPhone. Parents, we need to teach our kids to be aware of how they are being marketed to and manipulated. In addition, we need to encourage them to make spending decisions based on a biblical worldview rather than the herd mentality. You see, with iPhones costing as much as one thousand dollars or more, there is a stewardship factor at play. No, iPhones are not evil. But we need to nurture our kids into thinking through how all their purchases will or will not glorify God.
If you haven’t already seen it, I highly recommend that you view “The Social Dilemma”, a documentary that is streaming on Netflix. The film features interviews with a variety of young and brilliant tech insiders who are responsible for the development of a variety of social media sites, including Facebook, Tiktok, Pinterest, Instagram, and SnapChat. The film shows us how these sites have been constructed to not only deliver us to marketers who have something to sell, but how our use of these sites actually manipulates us, young and old alike, through what is known in the industry as the psychology of persuasion. I won’t tell you everything about the film, but I will share two things. First, one of the insiders says, “People in technology have created tools to destabilize and erode the fabric of society.” Second, many of those who appear on screen adamantly proclaim their commitment to keeping their own children away from screens. Parents, watch the film and raise your awareness!
Parents, you need to be aware of a concerning aspect of online learning during these covid-19 days.Researchers are reporting that there’s been a rise in cheating and academic dishonesty as students engage with learning online. Because they are sitting alone in the privacy of their own home, students are able to switch between on-screen windows to look up test answers while they are taking online tests. And, in a twist from sneaking a look across a classroom aisle at a classmates paper, kids are now messaging and texting each other in order to get answers. Parents, you need to monitor and proctor your kids to make sure they aren’t taking the easy and dishonest way out. And, you need to instill in them a love for God that results in them seeing academics as a form of worship where honesty is to be pursued. Proverbs ten nine tells us, whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Teach the truth about truthfulness to your kids.
Way back in 1983, the Russian political prisoner Alexander Solzhenitsyn gave a compelling Templeton Prize address. In his speech, Solzhenitsyn spoke about the horrors of Soviet communism and how they came to be. He said this: “Men have forgotten God. That’s why all this has happened.” Now, almost forty years later, a look at the issues we face in our declining western culture leads to the same conclusion. Men, women, and children have forgotten God, and that’s why all of this is happening. Parents, there exists today a dire urgency for you to take your responsibility as a Christian parent seriously. You have been charged with the task of nurturing your children in the faith. To do that effectively takes great effort and great amounts of time. This cannot be understated. I urge you to take the time to nurture your own soul, to read and study the Scriptures, to sit under solid and faithful biblical preaching, and to in turn, pass on the valuable gems of the Christian faith to your kids.
Today I am drawn to the book of common prayer, and what’s called the prayer for our country. Almighty God, who hast given us this good land for our heritage: We humbly beseech thee that we may always prove ourselves a people mindful of thy favor and glad to do thy will. Bless our land with honorable industry, sound learning, and pure conduct. Save us from violence, discord, and confusion; from pride and arrogance, and from every evil way. Defend our liberties, and fashion into one united people the multitudes brought hither out of many kindreds and tongues. Endue with the spirit of wisdom those to whom, in thy Name, we entrust the authority of government, that there may be justice and peace at home, and that, through obedience to thy law, we may show forth thy praise among the nations of the earth. In the time of prosperity, fill our hearts with thankfulness, and in the day of trouble, suffer not our trust in thee to fail; all of which we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Earlier this fall, a news story broke about a high school in Massachusetts that had to scramble to delay the start of its in-school opening by two weeks, leading to two more weeks of students learning remotely. The delay was occasioned by the need to quarantine the entire Lincoln-Sudbury High School student body for fourteen days since it was learned that a large number of students had gathered at a local home for a weekend party. Or course, we’ve heard lots of stories like this in recent weeks. But what was unique, or maybe not so unique about this story, is that the drinking party was actually hosted by a set of parents in their home. This wasn’t a case of teens sneaking around without adult knowledge. Rather, this was one of those cases where the parents, for whatever reason, approved of and hosted the party. The parents have been charged by police, as they should be. This reminds us that we need to know what’s happening in other homes, and we need to exercise our own Godly conduct as dads and moms.
One of the most disheartening realities regarding beliefs and behaviors in today’s youth culture is the way that the word love has been re-defined in ways that drain it of its power and meaning. As a parent, you need to be aware of this trend not only to better understand and correct your child’s thinking, but to shape the way that you love your children. You see, in today’s world, to love someone is often understood to mean that you allow them to make all choices for themselves while affirming the validity of those choices. To love someone in today’s world means that we let them choose the way for themselves. In the Scriptures, love is a commitment that works itself out in seeking the best for the other. When it comes to parenting, we love not by eliminating borders and boundaries, but by setting them up to keep our kids safe. Tim Keller tells us, “If we love someone, we must hate whatever is ruining their lives, even if it is their own choices. Because God is perfect love, he cannot abide evil and sin.”
Motor vehicle crashes continue to be the leading cause of death among teenagers here in the United States. There are a variety of reasons for this including the inexperience of teen drivers, and the fact that many teens take risks when they are behind the wheel. In today’s smartphone saturated world, the death rate has increased due to teenagers engaging in distracted driving as they text and talk while they drive. New research reported in the journal Pediatrics tells us that states which have implemented texting while driving bans have significantly lower overall crash death rates involving teen drivers. Currently, texting is banned for drivers in forty-eight states and the district of Columbia. The study concludes that no one of any age should use a mobile device when they are driving. Parents, you should not only be setting an example with phone-free driving, but you should also instruct your kids that it is their God-given responsibility to obey the law. Driving is an act of worship.
Parents, I’m guessing you’re concerned about the spiritual growth of your children and teens. Because of this, it’s important that you remember that spiritual growth is a process. If you are a Christian parent, your level of faith, spiritual maturity, and understanding is not the same as when you were a teenager. You’ve gone through a long process of growth that is still continuing. Don’t expect your kids to be where you’re at in your faith. They are still in process and they need time to grow. If we fall into the trap of expecting our kids to be at the point of full and faithful Christian maturity, we may in fact be facilitating their outward conformity to our expectations and standards, without having gone through real heart change and growth. Our desire should be for changed hearts that lead to a changed lifestyle. Outward conformity looks nice and it can make us look good as parents, but it’s only a front that will most likely come crashing down someday.
Parents, there is a movement sweeping through today’s youth culture that’s promoting anything and everything opposed to God’s good order and design for sexuality and gender. It’s known as the sex-positive movement, and it endeavors to change cultural attitudes and norms about sexuality. As it promotes countless forms of sexual expression as natural and healthy to life as a human being, it is serving to convince kids that biblical sexuality is actually sex-negative. God’s design, it is believed, constricts healthy sexuality by putting borders and boundaries on matters of sexual and gender expression. The sex-positive movement is being trumpeted to our kids through media, music, and comprehensive sex education in our schools. Nothing is out of bounds as each individual is able to decide for themselves what to choose to do and how they choose to do it. Parents, the culture is speaking a loud and clear message to our kids. Are you countering that message with Biblical truth?
Kids are sharp. . . . very sharp. It doesn’t take long for them to pick up on where you as a parent find your identity. If you have embraced the Christ who has embraced you, then thiswill serve as a compelling embodiment that turns conventional cultural wisdom on where to find one’s identity upside-down! The who you are, sends kids strong messages on the who they’ve been made to be. History tells us that the famous monk Bernard of Clairvaux hadn’t always found his identity in Christ. He was born into the luxury-filled life of nobility. Eventually he learned that his identity could only be found in Christ. Out of that experience of living on the foundation of a new identity-base, Bernard would pen these words to his now-classic hymn: “Jesus, Thou joy of loving hearts! Thou fount of life! Thou light of men! From the best bliss that earth imparts, We turn unfilled to Thee again.” That, and only that, is the place where our kids will truly find themselves. Are you living that in your life?
The trend towards a sense of entitlement is especially prevalent among those children and teens who live on the receiving end of a silver spoon. On the other end are parents who feed their kids an endless parade of opportunities, activities, and things - all without ever having to work for any of it. These kids wind up believing that they will never have to work for anything, because, after all, they deserve it. A Harris Interactive Poll found that 90 percent of parents do think that it’s important for their children to work to pay for the things they want. But the reality is that not that many kids had jobs. The survey found that there is a disconnect between the desired end result and what the kids are actually doing. The words of theologian John Wesley are worth teaching to our children: “Work as hard as you can, to make all the money you can, to save as much as you can in order to give away all that you can.”
When I was a kid, I remember being given the old Revell model known as the visible man. I spent hours looking with fascination at all the plastic organs and bones that showed the make-up of the human body. As I’ve gotten older and become more aware of the intricacies of the human body, I’ve been amazed at how God made us, with every organ and system integrated into a functioning whole. And, I’ve learned that when one part of the body suffers, there is an effect on other parts of the body as well. This holds true to the relationship of our minds and mental health with our physical health. This should cause us concern over the growing epidemic of teen anxiety, as the effects on our kids’ physical health are becoming more and more clear. A recent study is telling us that stress or anxiety in the teen years is related to a twenty percent higher likelihood of having a heart attack in mid-life. This is just one of the many outcomes that should cause us to get our anxious kids to a qualified Christian counselor.
Parents, what will your children be choosing as a career when they grow up? I remember wondering that about each of my four kids from the moment they were born. You have probably done the same. A new survey found that seventy-five percent of today’s parents say they already know what their child will be when they grow up. At the top of the list are careers in the science, technology, and engineering fields. After than comes careers in healthcare, and jobs in the food industry. It seems that these choices have been made largely due to trends in the job market, along with a desire for children to have a high-paying career. While it would be easy for Christian parents to pursue these same goals for our kids, there is a better way. Our goal should be to first and foremost encourage our kids to discover and develop their unique God-given gifts and abilities. Monetary success should not be a prime motivator. And then, we must teach them that whatever they do, they should do it to the glory of God.
As an expression of brokenness, pornography takes God’s good gift of sexuality and twists it all around. Pornography tells lies. And the deeper we go into pornography, the more we are convinced that the lies are not lies, but that they are truth. As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of pornography’s presence, its compelling draw, and the impact it has on our kids. When it comes to pornography, what they see and experience now will not only shape them in the present, but will continue to influence them and their relationships for the rest of their lives. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing our children to understand, process, and respond to this horribly fallen expression of God’s good gift of sexuality in ways that bring honor and glory to God. Parents, take the time to talk to your kids about God’s grand plan for their sexuality. Then, expose the enemy’s lies.
Parents, how much time and money did you give away last year? And what are you teaching your kids about tithing? In the Old Testament, we learn that God’s people were to give ten percent of their property, produce, and income to the Lord and his work. All throughout church history and up until today, tithing is rightly emphasized as a way to faithfully steward that which God has entrusted to us as we not only fund God’s work, but are reminded that all we have is ultimately not our own. There are no reliable statistics on how much our teenagers are giving away. What we do know is that as part of our responsibility to nurture the faith of our kids, we need to teach them to handle their resources responsibly. A good rule for us to follow and to teach our kids is the rule my dad instilled in our family. The first tenth of everything you make is to be given to the Lord’s work. If you can, give more. The second tenth goes into savings, and with the rest you live. Teach your kids principles of Biblical stewardship.
A young poet by the name of Hannah Dains has gained notoriety thanks to social media serving to popularize her poem entitled “Don’t Kill Yourself Today.” Dains wrote the poem as a way to encourage those struggling with suicidal thoughts. In the poem, she lists all kinds of reasons to choose to continue living. Some teenagers who are struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts are now reaching out to others via social media sites including Tik Tok to share phrases from Dains’ poem as a way to tell others they are struggling. At first glance, the phrases seem very innocent. They include things like “I had pasta tonight”, or “I finished my shampoo and conditioner at the same time”, or “my Netflix subscription ran out.” While these obscure references might not make sense to most of us, they do to those familiar with Dains’ poem. This trend reminds us that teen suicide is real, and we must be diligent in listening to our kids, taking their struggles seriously, and getting them the Christ-centered help they need.
It’s been my experience that research findings often-times confirm what we’ve known to be true through observation, intuition, and just good-old common sense. That’s certainly the case with a new study entitled “When Do Adolescents Feel Loved?” that’s been published in the journal, Emotion. The study tells us that in parent teen relationships there are daily fluctuations in feeling loved. Any parent and former teen knows this to be true. But according to the study, how we choose to communicate and resolve conflict can either strengthen or weaken our relationship with our kids. It’s not at all surprising that being warm and supportive can take the sting out of conflict. As I read the study’s results, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the instructions the Apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Nurturing children in the faith with supportive discipline is our imperative.
As a man, I believe that one of the most sobering messages from Jesus about relationships and sexuality is the one found in Matthew 5:28. It is here that Jesus says, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a women with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The truth is that this statement speaks to a battle that all people face, both men and women. Lustful intent flows out of good desires that have gone bad as they have been broken by sin. And, in today’s culture, all of us face a barrage of imagery in magazine, on television, in the movies, and online that intentionally fuel what’s known as sexual objectification. This is our tendency to look at others in ways that only go skin-deep, leading us to view others as nothing more than objects of desire. The reality is that we need to raise our kids to prayerfully seek to see others and themselves as human beings, created by God, and instilled with inner dignity, value, and worth. We are not objects.
I like to think of culture as the “soup” our children and teens swim and marinate in everyday. To know kids we must regularly lift the lid on the soup pot to see what’s in the mix. Take one look, and you’ll see the recipe looks almost nothing like the soup we swam in during our adolescent years. The fact that the soup has changed means that there’s a cultural-generational gap between teenagers and their parents. But unlike the generational gap of the 1960’s, the older and younger generations aren’t standing on opposite sides of today’s divide with no real desire to come together. The good news is that today’s cultural-generational gap is one that both sides – young and old alike – increasingly want to close. Our children and teens desperately want and need parents and other adults who will cross the divide by getting to know and understand the cultural soup of their kids. Then, we can begin to help them swim through the soup to make good choices that reflect God’s will and God’s way for their lives.
“How’s the food?”, my parents asked in one of our first phone calls during my freshman year of college. My answer wasn’t at all about quality, as much as it was about quantity. “It’s amazing” I answered. “I can go back over and over again to eat as much as I want, and it’s all free!” If I remember correctly, my dad set me straight with a reminder that my college food was in fact being paid for. I’m assuming there were no parental admonishments to hold back since they knew that I was a growing boy. Fortunately for me, my high metabolism at the time and my almost daily exercise kept me from gaining too much weight. What about today’s college students? New research from the U.K. found that Ninety percent of college students are not meeting the recommended exercise targets, with three in ten not exercising at all. While exercise can become an idol, not enough compromises the stewardship of our God-given bodies. Teach your kids to worship God by maintaining their physical health.
After he became a grandfather and then a great-grandfather, my dad would oftentimes look at me and say, “I’m so glad that I’m not raising kids in today’s world.” My dad recognized that while he didn’t raise his own kids in a perfect world, the culture was changing and morphing over the course of his life. He recognized that his grand children and great-grand children were growing up in a world where kids were facing new challenges, difficult choices, increased pressures, and hard to navigate problems. But my dad also realized that God is with parents, guiding them and providing all they need as they navigate raising kids in this changing world. Parents, don’t throw up your hands in exasperation and frustration. Perhaps some of the best advice for parenting in today’s world comes from the late J.I. Packer who said, “If you ask, Why is this happening?, no light may come. But if you ask, How am I to glorify God now?, there will always be an answer. Parents, embrace your high calling and opportunity!
I remember how, as a kid, our little neighborhood group of peers would engage each other in dares and double-dares. Taking the dare offered a way to fit in while avoiding being called things like a chicken. In today’s world, the playground for childhood dares is social media, with a variety of challenges being issued and taken by kids on the Tik Tok video platform. One new challenge going viral is what’s called the Benadryl challenge, where kids are encouraging each other to ingest excessive amounts of Benadryl in order to hallucinate or trip, and then to share their experience with each other by posting a Tik Tok video. Recently, a fifteen-year-old girl in Oklahoma died from a Benadryl overdose after taking the challenge. Her family describes her as a happy and faith-driven teen. Parents, be aware of the latest online challenges, including the Benadryl challenge. Warn your kids of the dangers, including seizures and death. Teach them to steward their bodies to God’s glory.
School is back in session. And, it looks nothing like it did last year at this time. Teachers, administrators, and parents are having to navigate all kinds of challenges and changes. Our students are struggling as well. I recently spoke to a teacher who had tears in her eyes when she described watching a new elementary school student, already filled with jitters, arrive wide-eyed and fearful for his first day of school only to be greeted by a teacher wearing a mask. The stories of difficulty for everyone are seemingly endless. Our response to these difficulties reveals the bent of our hearts. For the Christian, we need to fight our inclination to bitterly complain, and run to our Heavenly Father. Parents, do you remember that old song “What A Friend We Have In Jesus”? There’s a line that’s been screaming at me over the last few months: “Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged. Take it to the Lord in Prayer.” Sing it to yourself, and teach it to your kids.
Polyamory is a cultural trend that you need to be aware of. The word Polyamory comes from two Greek words, poly which means many, and amor which means love. In our contemporary situation, polyamory is the belief and practice of forming intimate relationships with more than one partner with the informed consent of all partners involved. It is also described as non-monogamy. It is consensual and seen as virtuous by those who are embracing and practicing this trend. Everything about polyamory goes against God’s good design for marriage, which has been instituted at creation as a monogamous life-long covenantal union between one man and one woman. Last summer, the city of Somerville, Massachusetts put a stamp of approval on polyamory by adopting a new domestic partnership ordinance that grants polyamorous households the rights held by spouses in a marriage. Parents, your role is to teach your kids to follow God’s design for love, sex, and marriage, rather than the cultural whims.
You’ve no doubt heard the old saying that where there’s a will, there’s a way. Underage drinking has always been an issue in the teenage population, and I remember many of my teenage peers bragging up the success of their willful schemes to secure alcohol. Two of the most popular were the use of fake ID’s, and paying someone older a nice commission to buy the alcohol for them. It seems that in today’s coronavirus world, willing teens have found their way by dressing older and taking advantage of the need to wear masks to appear that they are at or above the legal drinking age. Over the summer, video clips of teens brandishing fake IDs while wearing the disguise of a face-covering mask appeared on Tik-Tok, all of them showing underaged kids securing alcohol illegally. One teen posted, “use your fakes as much as possible because if you wear a mask they can’t see your whole face. LOL.” Parents, be aware of this trend, and talk to your kids about the dangers.
One of the unforgettable lessons I remember hearing from the late Christian writer, Dr. John White, was in response to a question he was asked about how he had learned to relate to his own wayward son. White simply said that he had learned to live his life according to this simple yet profound principle: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.” My heavenly father has showered me with tremendous amounts of love and amazing grace. Along with the apostle Paul in Romans 5:8 I have to say, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”, and in his words to a young Timothy in I Timothy 1: 14 and 15 “The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst”. Because of this, we cannot help but be agents of grace.
As you scan social media, what can you learn about your kids and their needs based on what they are posting online? Because they yearn for attention and acceptance, our kids will try on different social media selves in an effort to build an army of followers and a social bank account filled with likes. And you can be sure that the more they do this, the more they will endeavor to find their identity in what others think. But our kids are not alone. Have you ever taken the time to look back carefully over your own social media history and what it might say about where you are seeking to find your own identity? You see, when we use social media to boast about our accomplishments, the accomplishments of kids, our appearances, and our things, we are admitting that we are hoping to find fulfillment in all the wrong things. Satisfaction and rest in life come when we find our identity in Jesus Christ alone. When our posts scream “Look at me,” then we know that we need to look to Him.
With our teens already dealing with high levels of anxiety, you would have thought that the arrival of the Coronavirus pandemic would only increase their level of anxiety. Consequently, over the last several months mental health experts have warned those who care about kids to pay special attention to their mental and emotional health. But a new study out of Britain is reporting that among thirteen to fourteen year-olds, the level of their anxiety actually dropped during the pandemic lockdown. As you can imagine, this has come as a big surprise. Experts suspect that the move away from days spent in school with the normal busyness and pressures of school life, has occasioned the decrease. Some parents are reporting that the drop in their child’s stress levels is unbelievable. The reality is that our push for our kids to be heavily involved in a variety of activities and to shine in each might be too much for them to handle. One coronavirus lesson we need to heed is to slow the pace of life for our kids.
Parents and youth workers should certainly tell the truth and point kids to the truth. But we must also take courage, realizing that when teens question the Christian faith while investigating other faith systems, they may in fact be taking steps towards a real and vital personal Christian faith. The thing you think might indicate a weakening or disappearing faith in God, just might be the very thing God uses to reinforce, cement, and strengthen their faith as it passes through the refiner’s fire of speculation, examination, doubt, and questioning. The questioning attitude of a teenage child who has been raised and instructed in the faith can be the most challenging and disheartening aspect of parenting for Christian parents. I know several parents who have weathered this storm to watch their children grow up with a faith that has become their own. In fact, many parents have embraced the storm knowing that in the long run, their child will be better for having gone through the difficulty.
One of the great undercurrents driving so much in today’s youth culture and culture-at-large is the belief that everyone has been given the right to define right and wrong however they might choose. In addition, it is now seen as virtuous to give others the room to do as they please, which is what we now call tolerance. Sadly, these ideas have infiltrated the realm of parenting. Rather than teaching their children God’s life-giving borders and boundaries that are given to protect us from harm and provide for our well-being, parents are giving kids the freedom to choose for themselves what they will believe and how they will live. Many parents do this, they say, because they are motivated by love. But is this really what love is? Parents, the fact is that God’s love does not say “do what you will.” Rather, it says “do what I will.” In the same way, parental love that is good and true does not look at kids and say ‘do what you will,’ but rather “do what God wills”.
Parents, I know that most of you are feeling the heavy weight that’s come with parenting during 2020’s coronavirus pandemic. Your work schedules and locations have changed. You’ve had to grapple with new economic concerns. Many of you have had to step up and take the lead in the ongoing education of your kids. You are tired and time is at a premium. In the midst of all this craziness, the temptation will be to let your most important parenting task slide. God calls us to bring up and nurture our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But with time at a premium these days and our patience running thin, day after day might pass without carving out time to not only tend to your own spiritual lives, but to tend to the spiritual life of your kids. The Psalmist reminds us that God’s word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our paths. Whatever you do, be sure to keep the light shining in your life and in your home. God will use these difficult times to do great work in our families!
As I’ve tried to personally navigate the Covid-nineteen pandemic, current racial tensions, and the insane back-and-forth that’s come with this election year, I’ve gotten to the point where I have no idea who or what to trust when it comes to engaging with the news. The term “Fake news” is one that we’re familiar with as we try to navigate the times. A new study has found that where people go to get their news determines their susceptibility to believing misinformation. The research found that those who get their news from social media were more likely to believe and embrace falsehoods about Covid-nineteen. While the study focused on fake news regarding the pandemic, it does shed light on the dangerous practice of going to social media and how that leads to the viral spreading of falsehoods. Twitter, facebook, and other social media outlets should not be trusted, even though they can communicate truth. Teach your kids to go to reliable sources rather than sources of misinformation.
The word “thinspo” is cutting a dangerous path through today’s youth culture. Spelled t-h-i-n-s-p-o, Thinspo is short for thin inspiration. It’s a social media user movement offering up memes, quotes, pictures, and posts designed to encourage diet and weight loss. The movement is coming under fire for the ways in which it promotes warped and unhealthy body image standards, particularly for our girls. Experts are rightly warning that the thinspo movement is fueling disordered eating and body dysmorphia. One of many memes I viewed simply says, “Don’t ever stop trying. Because one day, you will be thin.” One seventeen year old in the thinspo movement posted a video on TikTok telling viewers that all she had consumed that day was a jug filled with ice water, with the hashtag what I eat in a day. Parents, the pressure to be thin is strong. Peer influence is powerful. Be aware, and encourage your kids away from the dangers of worshiping the god of thinness.
With so many of our kids playing organized sports, we believe it’s important to be tracking with the latest research findings on kids and head injuries, specifically related to concussions. A new study published in the journal Orthopedics focused on just over three-hundred-and-fifty high school athletes who had sustained one or more concussions. The most common sports in which they suffered their concussions were football, hockey, and soccer. Fourteen percent reported suffering from amnesia, and one-third reported a history of multiple concussions. The research also found that student athletes who suffer a concussion are more likely to have non-contact lower extremity issues due to post-concussion balance issues. Medical experts are warning us that it takes longer for young athletes to recover from a concussion, and extreme care should be taken to keep them off the field for an extended period of time. Parents, don’t forget - you have been called by God to steward the physical health of your child.
It’s not surprising that much of the research being conducted on physical and mental health these days is focused on the effects of the Covid-19 pandemic. One of those studies comes to us from the Stanford University School of Medicine and it has found a connection between the use of electronic cigarettes and susceptibility to the coronavirus. Teens and young adults ages thirteen to twenty-four who vape are five times more likely to become infected with the coronavirus compared with those who did not use electronic cigarettes. Researchers attribute this to a variety of factors, including a compromised immune system, transmission of the virus through sharing e-cigarettes, and touching your face as you smoke. My guess is that as you share these facts with kids who choose to vape, their bent towards feeling invulnerable will evidence itself with some pushback. While health risks should be shared, ultimately we want to teach our kids to care for their bodies as an act of worship.
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’ve been sharing provocative quotes that can trigger conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from theologian Albert Wolters: “We are to be billboards of the Gospel in the extraordinary ordinariness of our lives.” Wolters reminds us that the Christian faith is not just a Sunday morning venture. Rather, our faith is to inform every nook and cranny and every square inch of life. The Gospel should inform and shape the way they play, the way they study, and the way they engage with others. Are they learning what it means to glorify God by being a good and faithful employee? If they are musicians, are you instructing them how to sing or play to the glory of God. How we live will either bring glory to God, or to the kingdom of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Point your kids in the right direction.
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from Tim Keller: “Anything that is functionally more important to you than God is an idol. Anything you love more than God – even a good thing like a spouse or a child or social cause – is a false God. Until you can identify your idols you cannot understand yourself. Until you turn from them you can’t know and walk with God.” Parents, our culture throws all kinds of idols at our kids. Idols demand time, attention, and allegiance. But they never can fill the hole in the soul that can only be filled by the one true God. Talk with your kids about the idols that compete for their hearts. Expose their lies and share stories of how you’ve been manipulated and hurt by idols. Teach them to worship only the almighty God!
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from Walter Trobisch: “God accepts us as we are, but when he accepts us, we must not remain as we are.” Sadly, there are many who believe that being a Christian is something that starts with a prayer to accept Christ, and then involves little or nothing else after. The reality is that when Jesus calls us to come and follow we are launching into a lifetime of transformation, where we allow the Gospel to change and transform us in every nook and cranny of life. Parents, we must take the time to show and tell our kids about what it means to be a disciple of Jesus as an outpouring of thanksgiving for the gift of salvation. Take time to search the Scriptures with your kids, learning what it means to live for Christ.
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from the great theologian, John Stott: “Whenever a work of God is prospering, we can expect opposition to arise.” Because we live in a world where the forces of darkness are battling the forces of light, those of us who are endeavoring to follow Jesus will inevitably run into opposition that’s intended to weaken us, make us doubt, trip us up, and ultimately convince us to forsake our faith. Brainstorm with your kids on what shape this spiritual opposition might take. Share your own experiences with doubt and difficulty. Then, offer advice on how to prepare for spiritual difficulties. Finally, read God’s word together regularly. Immersing our kids in the truth prepares them to follow Jesus.
If you’ve ever been at a loss for how to spark dinner table conversation with your kids, I want to offer a little help. All this week I’m sharing provocative quotes that can spark conversations about the Christian faith and things that really matter. Here’s a quote worth discussing from Ravi Zacharias: “The loneliest moment in life is when you have just experienced what you thought would deliver the ultimate – and it has let you down.” That’s a reality that all of us should ponder, embrace, and act upon. Share the quote, and then ask family members to come up with a list of things that promise to fulfill our lives, but never do. Then, take the time to consider why we are so empty and longing for redemption. Discuss how we have been created for a relationship with God, and how sin has broken that relationship and left us looking for God’s love in the wrong places and the wrong kinds of things. With so many voices calling for our allegiance, help your kids hear the life-giving voice of Jesus.
Today we end our week of looking at advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens. Dr. Tripp says that we as parents get so busy making decisions for our children that we do not impart to them the critical biblical thinking skills that will enable them to make sound choices after they have left home. We need to be looking for opportunities to teach our children how to use the commands, themes, principle, and perspectives fo Scripture to make sense out of life. To equip teens to determine how God would have them respond to the variety of situations they face in life, we need to teach them two things. Frist, they need internalized biblical convictions and applicable biblical wisdom. It is not enough to say yes and no to particular questions. And second, we must show our children how we have arrived at the critical decisions we’ve made that are so important to biblical living.
This week we’re looking at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens. Dr. Tripp says that Ephesians 6:10-18 provides a much needed biblical view of life. The Apostle Paul essentially says that life is war. He is not talking about the fights over situations and relationships that capture our thinking and emotions, but a deeper, more significant war. There is a war for the hearts of our teenagers that takes place in every situation, location, and relationship of daily life. This war is fought on the turf of their hearts. It is fought for control of their souls. Every decision, action, and word of our teenagers reflects this war. It is the great conflict of human life. This war is the reason for all the other wars fought between people. The problem is that our teenagers tend to live with little recognition of this spiritual struggle. They need to learn how to participate in the deeper spiritual struggle.
This week we’re looking at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens. Dr. Tripp says that the task of parenting a teenager is often exhausting and discouraging. Clearly, it is beyond the wisdom, character, and strength of every parent. It’s really easy to give in to defeat, discouragement, and fear. When we do this, our encounters with our teenager are colored by our own hopelessness. Our only hope of loving and consistently doing what we have been called to do is Christ. In his presence and power we find strength to fulfill our calling. We must learn to live out of the rich resources of the Gospel, refusing to give way to discouragement and despair. We must learn to hold onto God’s promises. The goal is that there would be no struggle so grave as to lead us to give up, since Christ’s work gives us reason to continue on in the high calling we’ve given as parents.
This week we’re looking at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens. Dr. Tripp says that as parents, we need to think about our teens in a distinctively biblical way. First, the Bible wants us to see our kids as covenantal beings. In other words, our teenagers have been made for a relationship with God. They were created to be worshippers, and if they are not worshipping God, they will give their hearts to God substitutes. Second, the Bible wants us to see our kids as social beings. They have been made to live in community with others. God has given them the moral responsibility to live with their neighbor’s welfare in view. And third, the Bible wants us to see our teenagers as interpreters. As they live life, they are to seek to organize, interpret, and explain their lives on the basis of a biblical world and life view. Parents, relate to your kids in Biblically faithful ways.
This week I want to look at some great words of advice from Dr. Paul Tripp and one of my favorite parenting books, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide To Parenting Teens. Dr. Tripp says the anger, frustration, discouragement, irritation, impatience, and fear that parents feel during the teen years not only reveal that the teen is struggling, but that the parents are as well. If we allow our hearts to be controlled by something other than God, we will fail to view the teen years as a time full of opportunities, but as a time full of a constant stream of hassles brought on by a selfish, immature person who upsets our otherwise comfortable life. Tripp says this is idolatry. Failure to deal with our idolatry will mean that we turn God-given moments of ministry into moments of anger. We will personalize what is not personal, become adversarial with our teen, and settle for quick solutions that do not focus on our teenager’s heart. This is an age of opportunity!
All this week we’ve been looking at Tim Chester’s book, Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. Above all else, pornography is a sin that erodes our relationship with God. Chester reminds us of the story of Solomon and his love for foreign women. Solomon’s unchecked sexual desires turned his heart away from God. They gave him a divided heart. One pornography addict says, “Porn kills my spiritual vitality and zaps the life out of my personal devotional life and spiritual disciplines. It decreases my desire and consciousness of spiritual things, because it becomes the thing at the front of my mind, or more typically guilt consumes me. It has really deadened my relationship with Jesus and robbed me of joy.” Because we live in a world saturated with pornography that pulls our kids in at breakneck speed, we must prepare them for a life lived in obedience to God.
All this week we’re looking at Tim Chester’s book, Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. In a world where the family is already in decline, pornography adds another weapon in the war against the growth and health of the family. Studies show that even mild exposure to porn reduces men’s evaluation of their partner’s attractiveness and how much in love they feel. It’s harder to find satisfaction with real sex with real women. Porn is a cancer, eating away at your marriage. Porn has the potential to end your marriage. Pornography also endangers your children. One in ten men say they first encountered pornography when they found their father’s secret stash. It used to be magazines under the bed. Now, kids are finding it on the family computer. Dad’s, do you realize that when your kids discover your addiction that you will be telling them that using pornography is normal, right, and even ok?
All this week we’re looking at Tim Chester’s book, Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. If we want to grow to hate pornography, we should consider how it ruins and wrecks people, particularly women. On the one hand, pornography wrecks a man’s view of women. With so many of our children and teen already immersed in pornography, I wonder what the fruit of their addiction will be as they come of age. You see, pornography encourages men to view women as objects to be consumed. In effect, women are commodified. In addition, porn wrecks women’s view of themselves. The pressure on women to have bodies that match those of the movie and porn actresses is immense. Today’s women need to navigate sexual expectations, impossible standards of attractiveness, and aggressive sexual activity. These are more reasons for us abhor pornography and steer our kids in the right direction.
All this week we’re looking at Tim Chester’s book, Closing the Window: Steps To Living Porn Free – and his list of reasons for why we should give up porn. With the possibility that one in three people in your church are struggling with porn, this issues deserves our attention. Chester makes a compelling case for the fact that porn wrecks our view of sex. Pornographic sex is not real sex. Watching porn radically distorts our expectations of sex, dulling one’s appetite for real sex, while racheting up the appetite for even more extreme fantasy sex. Chester says that pornography damages us deeply, including detaching our view of sex from relationships and intimacy. You see, sex as God intended it is a celebration of a real relationship between a man and a woman within the context of marriage. In today’s world, it’s a sad and alarming fact that far too many men, women, and children are getting their sex education from pornography. It teaches nothing about good sex.
“Today, there is an epidemic of pornography.” Those are the first seven words in Tim Chester’s very helpful book, Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free. Chester says there are two factors behind the growth of our pornified culture. First, there are the increasingly permissive attitudes in our society. In today’s world, we watch things, dress ourselves, and live in ways that no prior generation ever did. The second factor behind the acceleration of pornography is the glut of new technology that can deliver porn into the quiet and sheltered place we call home. No longer does a person have to nervously pay a cashier for a dirty magazine if they want to secure pornography. In fact, in today’s world, you don’t even have to go searching for pornography. You can find it right in your own home. Chester says that the first step in beating porn addiction is to hate porn, and long for change. For the rest of this week, we’ll look at some of Chester’s reasons to give up porn.
This week we’ve been looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter E calls us to quick action, by taking steps to eliminate immediate dangers. Many hurting kids are involved in behaviors and relationships that require early intervention. Furthermore, we need to empower adolescents as people with the power to choose. As long as they feel like helpless victims, they won’t move forward. But most importantly, we must expect God to do his part to accomplish what only he can do in the lives of kids. God will provide his presence, his comfort, and his healing. L – O – V – E. When it comes to hurting kids, we must listen to them, offer encouragement and support, validate what’s happening in their lives, and eliminate immediate dangers. That’s a good place to begin as we endeavor to lead hurting kids to the hope and healing that comes through Jesus Christ.
This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter V calls us to validate what’s happening in the lives of hurting teenagers. Many kids in pain have been told that their perspectives are inaccurate, their emotions are illegitimate, and they need to “get over it.” Our relational commitment validates them as people of worth. Our supportive words validate the courage it takes to face their own pain and share their stories. And our patience and gentleness validate the emotions they feel about the circumstances they share with us. The fear, confusion, shame, hurt, isolation, anger, and loss must be processed, not simply stuffed away. All of us know how difficult it is to begin to open up to someone and to be told in one of a variety of ways that what we’re experiencing really doesn’t matter. Let’s avoid doing that with hurting kids.
This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter O refers to what we offer students who choose to risk sharing their hearts with us. They’ve come to us because they believe we have something they need. It’s important for us to offer hope in what they often consider to be hopeless circumstances. Offers of encouragement, support, wisdom, and advice can all express this hope. Maybe the most important thing we can offer kids is the willingness to go deeper with them. Most adults want to keep things safe and shallow. What are your offering to hurting kids? The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm Forty-two that we are to put our hope in God. If we have placed our hope and trust in the one who has made us and not in the things he has made, hurting kids will see that reality. Hope is the greatest gift we can give to kids in pain.
This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter L concerns listening, the most fundamental skill needed by anyone working with wounded kids. Many teenagers are convinced that no one is listening to them. Everyone is either too busy, preoccupied, stressed, or selfish to give kids the undivided attention they need. We must learn to listen beneath the words – at the level of emotions, non-verbal cues, and even silence. Listening must be active and responsive to what’s being said and left unsaid. And of course, it must be non-judgmental. Nothing will shut down a kid’s story more quickly than an adult pointing out where he’s wrong. Listening is a skill we desperately need to develop – not just for the sake of creating an environment conducive to good communication, but for the sake of the spiritual and emotional health of our kids.
This week I want to talk about responding to hurting kids, and some great lessons that I’ve learned from my good friend, Dr. Marv Penner. For years, Marv has been equipping youth workers, counselors, and parents to understand and help kids who are experiencing brokenness in their lives. The fact is that a growing number of adolescents today are hurting deeply – often more deeply than they or many of the adults in their lives are willing to acknowledge. Most have nowhere to turn with their pain. Marv reminds us that helping these kids is as much about who you are, as it is about what you do. The most powerful instrument of ministry you have to offer a kid is your own life, lived transparently and honestly so they can see the difference the Gospel makes for you. It’s all about relationships. When kids trust you, that opens the door to helping them.
All this week I’ve been sharing some basic rules that can help us facilitate the God-glorifying use of social media in our own lives and in the lives of our kids. Today’s rule is rooted in something we can learn by reading the Bible’s account of creation in Genesis. When you go back to the beginning, you find that God worked to create the earth, and then rested. The reality is that God created us for the same rhythm of work and rest as a path to human flourishing. We need to rest! That’s why it’s important for all of us to take a social media Sabbath. Take one day a week – maybe you should make it Sunday – and power down. Don’t post. Don’t comment. Don’t check your social media accounts. Don’t reply to messages from others. Sure, you should carry your phone with you in order to stay in touch and be available to family. But walk away from all that other smartphone stuff that so easily holds our time and attention captive. Experience the benefits of a social media Sabbath.
All this week I’m sharing some basic rules that can help us facilitate the God-glorifying use of social media in our own lives and in the lives of our kids. Today’s rule is a response to the growing trend of being physically present with other people, but being relationally detached as we focus on our screens instead of each other. Researcher Sherry Turkle has even written a book with a title that captures how technology is influencing our relationships. The book is called Alone Together. So we suggest that you begin with how you engage with screens in your own home. Make your family room a no-smartphone zone. When you come in the door to your house, put your phone down. Then, go to the room where your family gathers without that electronic distraction. Put that phone out of sight, and pretty soon you’ll be engaging in real flesh and blood conversations – a practice that will put that smartphone out of mind. Parents, we need to foster an environment of real communication.
All this week I’m sharing some basic rules that can help us facilitate the God-glorifying use of social media in our own lives and in the lives of our kids. Because the great majority of young people are now sleeping with their smartphones, researchers are warning that there are very real dangers associated with not getting the nine-plus hours of sleep our kids need for healthy growth and development. Researchers are also reporting that even sleeping in the same room with a device that’s charging and emitting just a small amount of light can lead to serious sleep disruption. It’s for that reason that we suggest you enlist this rule in your household: Don’t sleep with your smartphone on or near your bed. Sleep. Rest. God made us to need sleep in order to function well. Tell your kids: when you wake up, the world will still be there and you can tend to your business. And if by some chance the world is no longer there when you wake up. . . well, you won’t need your phone anyway!
When I ask parents to name the youth culture trend that concerns them most, nine times out of ten they tell me that the unfolding world of technology makes their heads spin. That’s not surprising considering the fact that none of us parents, regardless of our age, grew up in a world where technology holds the place it does today. And the one particular aspect of technology that concerns parents the most has to be social media. In light of all the ways that social media is changing the way we interact with ourselves and each other, we need to set social media borders and boundaries. All this week I’m going to pass on some rules that I’ve found to be helpful. Here’s the first: Don’t engage with your smartphone as long as you are present with or in conversation with another person. The deserve your full undivided attention. It’s important that you don’t bring your screens to the dinner table. Converse with others over the meal, using your eyes, voice, ears and full attention!
All this week we’ve been looking at issues related to the faith of teenagers, as reported in Kenda Creasy Dean’s book, Almost Christian – What the faith of our teenagers is telling the American Church. She challenges readers to counter the whatever-faith of teens that has been labeled as Moralistic, Therapeutic, Deism, with a faith that she calls consequential. Interviews with teens who evidence this kind of vital, living, and Biblical faith point to the fact that this did not somehow magically happen on its own. Instead, these kids consistently had parents and multi-generational faith communities invest time, energy, and lots of love in them. These people both talked about and showed kids who Christ is calling them to be as he brings them to Himself and then sends them out into the world on his behalf. If we want to see kids grow deep in Jesus Christ, we must pursue that same depth ourselves.
All this week we’re looking at issues related to the faith of teenagers, as reported in Kenda Creasy Dean’s book, Almost Christian – What the faith of our teenagers is telling the American Church. Creasy Dean says our kids have adopted a belief system in which they believe they have to be good people, that life is about feeling good, and that God waits in the wings to help them when they need it. But where did they learn this? She says that most U.S. teens mirror their parents’ religious faith. Teenagers actually conform to the religious beliefs and practices they’ve seen modeled by their parents. Parents matter most in the spiritual formation of their kids. Yes, the church and youth pastor are influential, but it is parents who matter most. Parents, are you pursuing a faith shaped by the truths of God’s Word? Or is it some kind of mutation that doesn’t reflect true discipleship?
All this week we’re looking at issues related to the faith of teenagers, as reported in Kenda Creasy Dean’s book, Almost Christian – What the faith of our teenagers is telling the American Church. She writes, The problem does not seem to be that churches are teaching young people badly, but that we are doing an exceedingly good job of teaching youth what we really believe: namely, that Christianity is not a big deal, that God requires little, and the church is a helpful social institution filled with nice people focused primarily on folks like us – which of course, begs the question of whether we are really the church at all.” She goes on to ask if we have, in fact, been excellent at communicating a watered-down Gospel to our kids. She suggests that the church has not modeled a way of life marked by passionate surrender to Jesus Christ and the life of discipleship, but to ho-hum assent.
All this week we’re looking at issues related to the faith of teenagers, as reported in Kenda Creasy Dean’s book, Almost Christian – What the faith of our teenagers is telling the American Church. Yesterday I told you about how research indicates that our churches are by and large unable to share the core content of the Christian faith with kids. As a result, kids have a non-Biblical and faulty concept of God, and God has become unimportant to them. Creasy Dean says that what churches are offering kids is a kind of diner theology – what she calls a bargain religion, cheap but satisfying, whose gods require little in the way of fidelity or sacrifice. The result, she says, is that we’ve filled kids with an agreeable porridge about the importance of being nice, feeling good about yourself, and saving God for emergencies. That’s not a biblical faith and it’s not the kind of faith we should encourage in our kids.
Kenda Creasy Dean has written a book titled Almost Christian – What the Faith of our Teenagers is Telling the American Church. Creasy Dean, who served as part of the research team on Christian Smith’s well-documented National Study of Youth and Religion, issues a challenging call to the church and home to examine the nature of adolescent faith and how it got that way. She tells us that for years, the pressing question we asked was “How can we keep young people in church?” But Creasy Dean says that in today’s world, that’s not the question we should be asking. Instead, the more pressing question is this: “Does the church matter to our kids?” She points out that the National Study of Youth and Religion is telling us that in today’s world, the church has been unable to meaningfully share the core content of Christian faith with kids. Tomorrow, we’ll continue our look at this issue.
We need to constantly be aware of the fact that when we are engaging with our smartphones, our smartphones are actually engaging with us. Understanding this reality will help us and our kids stay on guard to the ways that our smartphones are designed to influence our beliefs and behaviors. Captology is a field of research that studies how computers and smartphones can be used as persuasive technologies. A researcher by the name of BJ Fogg coined the term captology back in 1996 as an acronym which stands for “computers as persuasive technologies.” Experts in the field are looking for ways to capture and keep our attention so that our attitudes and behaviors can then be influenced and changed. We need to be especially mindful of the ways that advertising seizes on this field of research to get us to purchase and become addicted to products. When you use your smartphone today, be mindful of what’s going on behind the scenes, and teach your kids to do the same.
Are you living with a moody teen? You’re not alone.Because of all the changes and pressures they face, mood swings from the highest of elated highs to the lowest of depressing lows can occur suddenly, and end just as quickly. Some of these mood swings are directly related to the physical changes taking place in their bodies. Or, they can be related to the social pressures kids face including the desire to fit in, the volatile nature of teenage relationships, or the joys and sorrows related to young teen “love.” The bottom line in regards to teenage emotions is this: strange behavior is often normal. Remember how moody you were at that age? While you might be tempted to lock them (or yourself) up in a closet until these years pass, you can’t forget that you play an important role in helping your kids understand and handle their emotions in God-honoring ways. They are looking to you for guidance, direction, and safe harbor. Show them grace, and love them through these difficult years.
As the sexual revolution was unfolding back during the 1960s, there was a widely held notion that children of divorce are incredibly resilient. It was believed that a kid could bounce back rather quickly to a normal life after his parents had divorced. Over the years, research has shown that the exact opposite is true. Children of divorce are statistically far more prone to a host of social problems and issues. New research on divorce and spirituality show that children from intact families are twice as likely to be involved in worship during their adult years than are children of couples who divorce amicably. When the institution of the family falls apart, the children in that family are prone to be less interested in organized religion and religious services. We can’t help but wonder if the crisis causes them to question the love, grace, kindness and existence of God. A child’s concept of God and love for God are established and nurtured in the home! Parents, build your marriage!
If they would be honest with us, our kids would tell us that their feelings and emotions serve far too often as their guide for life. Not surprisingly, today’s culture encourages this kind of feeling-driven living. To be honest, being driven by feelings and emotions is not just an issue for our kids. What a shame it would be if history remembered our generation of Christian parents as people who didn’t do anything to help their kids listen to God instead of their windblown emotions. Feelings should never eclipse God’s truth. We must walk our teens through the Scriptures to show them examples of people who allowed their emotions to eclipse the truth, and then suffered the consequences. This includes people like David with Bathsheba, Lot’s wife, and Ananias and Sapphira. One way that we can help our kids see the dangers of feelings is by walking them through the stories of our own lives by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding the feelings-based and truth-based choices we’ve made.
As Christian parents, our greatest desire for our kids should be to see them flourish by living every square inch and second of their lives under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. One of the most common roadblocks to this kind of flourishing is the teenage dating, romance, and love scene. The pressure to be in a dating relationship can be strong. And for those who aren’t, they can somehow come to the wrong conclusion that they are less than their friends. If you’re a parent like me, you’ve pushed back on the pressure your kids feel to date. A new study from the Journal of School Health says that there are benefits to not dating. The study found that 10th grade students who are not in a romantic relationship have stronger social skills and are less depressed than their peers. In addition, those students exhibit greater leadership skills. Parents, let your kids know that they don’t have to conform to the latest dating pressures. Relationships can become an idol that derails their love for Christ.
Our friends at protect young minds dot org are advising parents about five sneaky locations where pornography finds kids. Parents, be aware of these five locations. First, kids are accessing pornography through the wifi at their grandparents homes. The reason? Grandparents are less prone to install controls on their devices. Second, when kids are out from under your roof and at a sleepover, there are risks related to a lack of supervision. Many recommend that sleepovers are never a good idea. Third, when kids are together on the school bus and there are smartphones present, there is and unsupervised freedom that often leads to exposure. Fourth, several kids report that their first exposure to porn occurred when they were thirteen and babysitting in someone else’s home. And finally, eighty percent of exposure happens right in our own homes when our kids are behind closed doors. Parents, be diligent by warning your kids of the dangers, and then setting up safe borders and boundaries.
If there’s one common denominator to the adolescent experience of teenagers over the last six decades it has to be acne. I remember dealing with the dread of acne when I was a teenager. And in today’s world, fifty million Americans suffer from acne, most of them teenagers and young adults. But it seems that adolescent acne could be connected to positive outcomes in later life. The study, titled “Do Pimples Pay? Acne, human capital, and the Labor Market,” found that having acne in adolescence is associated with achieving higher grades in high school English, math, science, and social studies, along with an overall higher high school GPA. In addition, acne is positively associated with completing a college degree and higher earning potential for adult women. Some believe that the social isolation related to acne could lead to more time spent pursuing academics. There is a biblical truth at work here as well, that our suffering can shape us in redemptive ways.
Just about two years ago, I started hearing a ringing in one of my ears. It’s a hearing condition known as tinnitus. Journalist David Owen has released a new book that examines this condition and many other auditory issues, including the gradual loss of hearing, which are a result of living in a world that he describes as deafening. The book is titled Volume Control, and in it Owen says, “When we talk about age-related hearing loss, the assumption is that this is something that happens to old people.” He then continues with an insight that is especially helpful for those of us who are Christian parents concerned with stewarding the physical health of our kids. He writes, “It is something that happens to old people, but it’s something that is caused by things that we do when we’re young.” Parents, your kids are navigating much of life with headphones and earbuds. Teach your kids to turn it down now in order to facilitate their long-term auditory flourishing.
If you want to learn more about the role technology plays in our lives and lives of our kids, read Adam Alter’s book, Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping us Hooked. I recently read Irresistible and had my eyes opened to the many ways in which technology developers create tools, apps, games, and more in ways that are addictive. Alter quotes one design ethicist who says, “the problem isn’t that people lack willpower; it’s that there are a thousand people on the other side of the screen whose job it is to break down the self-regulation you have.” Parents, that is a frightening reality that we must always keep in mind as we work to build in God-honoring borders and boundaries for our tech-savvy kids. The answer is not to eliminate technology from our kids lives. Rather, we should be teaching them how to use God’s good gift of technology in ways that keep them from addiction and idolatry. Establish wise technology borders and boundaries for your kids.
The Apostle Paul’s words in Galatians 4:7 are worth pondering in relationship not only to our own standing before God, but to give us a perspective on parenting. Paul writes, “Now you are no longer a slave, but God's own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.” In her book Praying Through the Bible for Your Kids, Nancy Guthrie connects these words from Paul with parenting. She writes, “Parents, we vastly underestimate God’s fatherhood as we overvalue our own. When our children are out of our sight, they are not out of his sight. Right now, God is actively parenting our children. You don’t have to be a perfect parent. He knows them better than you do and knows what they need more than you do. He loves them more than you do and has more power to act out of that love than you do. He sacrifices more for them than you have and will be able to care for them beyond your limited lifetime.” Thanks, Nancy Guthrie, for this liberating parenting message!
I love this little quote from writer and pastor Eugene Peterson. He says, “There are no well-adjusted adolescents. Adolescence is, by definition, maladjustment.” Now I’m sure the teenagers listening right now might be upset with Peterson. But here’s the deal. . . I think Eugene Peterson is right. The developmental period of life that’s been labeled adolescence is a time filled with more questioning and more change than any other life-stage. And in the midst of that life-shaking earthquake, kids are primarily about the difficult and confusing business of figuring out who they are – not only who they are now, but who they will be for the rest of their lives. If we are hoping and praying that our kids will find their identity in Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ alone, we must not only be living that out in our own lives, but living it out in the context of a strong relationship with our kids. Are you a well-adjusted, Christ-following mom or dad? That’s what your kids need!
While we should all be concerned about the amount of time our teens are distracted by their smart-phones, a heavy dose of parental self-examination is warranted as well. Recent data from Pew research reveals that parents are now realizing that device distractions are not unique to teenagers. Parents are now reporting their own challenges with being hyper-connected and managing screen time. Six out of ten parents say they at least sometimes feel obligated to respond to messages immediately on their cell phone. Four out of ten parents say they at least sometimes lose their focus at work due to checking their cell phone. And thirty-six percent of parents say they spend too much time on their cellphone. I realize that I’m prone to these behaviors as well. And I realize that time spent with digital technology is time that’s taken away or even stolen from more important pursuits, like spending time with my family or engaging in spiritual growth activities. How are you spending your time?
The recently released Common Sense Census offers helpful insights into the ways that our children and teens are using media. While the report focuses primarily on their use of smartphones and screens, there is one finding related to reading that should cause us concern. Nearly a third of all teenagers in this country say that they read for pleasure less than once a month, if at all. While the good news is that two-thirds of our kids do read for fun, we can expect that the number of readers will continue to drop with digital distractions on the rise. As parents, we should not only be teaching our kids how to use their smartphones and screens responsibly and with moderation, but we should also be making sure that our kids are reading. Reading off the printed page is good for our brains, expands knowledge, and can help us develop a greater appreciation for Biblical truth and God’s world. We need to cultivate young readers. Be sure to monitor your kids use of their time, building in times for reading.
C.S. Lewis once said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pains.” Those words capture a truth that the Scriptures put forth from Genesis to Revelation. It seems that whenever God would do his greatest work in the lives of those he loved, he would bring about great spiritual growth and increased faith through the gift of pain. In today’s world, we are taught to avoid pain and pursue pleasure. In addition, we’ve been led to believe that if we are experiencing the pain of difficulty and difficult times, God must be absent. But the Bible teaches us the exact opposite. God is present in our sufferings. How is it that we miss this truth so easily? As parents, there will be times of great hearthache, pain, and difficulty. Never forget that these are the times where God is parenting us, where he is doing great work, and where he is nurturing us into people who are totally dependent on him and on nothing else. Consider it all joy when you experience God’s love in pain.
Humorist Will Rogers once said, “I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do now.” Rogers was saying that the world he had grown up in, no longer existed. Like a snowball accelerating and growing on a trip down a steep snow-covered hill, today’s youth culture is changing at breakneck speed. What does that mean for those of us who not only grew up in a different world, but who are now struggling to lead young people into a relationship with Jesus Christ and a lifetime lived in service to God’s Kingdom? It means that no matter who you are – parent, youthworker, pastor, or educator – you are a cross-cultural missionary. Are you taking the time to get to know your kids and their rapidly changing world? Do you read what they read, watch what they watch, and listen to what they listen to? If you are, then you are preparing yourself to be a cross-cultural missionary.
In a day and age when we are rightly concerned about nurturing our children and teens into using God’s good gift of technology in ways that glorify God rather than self, we need to engage in some healthy parental self-evaluation. In his insightful and challenging book, Twelve Ways Your Phone Is Changing You, Tony Reinke writes, Nothing traps people in unhealthy social media patterns like personal insecurity. Our self-examination should include a look at our own parental insecurities and how they evidence themselves in our use of social media. Reinke reminds us that as Christians, we should find our satisfaction in who we are in Christ, not in the affirmation of others. If we crave and seek the affirmation of others, we are turning away from Jesus. And, as we learn in Romans 2:29, we should quietly and humbly be seeking the approval of God rather than the applause of man. Parents, where does your security lie? And what does the answer to that question reveal about what you’re modeling to your kids?
I’ve never met a parent who wants their child to become a drug or alcohol addict. In fact, most parents work hard to keep their kids from substance abuse and all the dangers it brings. We applaud ourselves when our kids choose not to abuse alcohol or other drugs like meth, heroin, or marijuana. But have you thought lately about the trend towards the abuse of prescription drugs? The abuse of stuff that can be found in the family medicine cabinet has been on the rise for years. Nearly one in five teens admits to abusing medications that are not prescribed to him or her. Experts advise you to look for these signs of prescription drug abuse: a change in sleep habits, a change in energy level, a change in personal hygiene, a change in mood or personality, a sudden change in grades, a change in their circle of friends, the loss of appetite, and constricted eye-pupils. Parents, monitor your teenagers and their friends. Your commitment to keeping them off drugs will protect them from hurting themselves in long-lasting ways.
The recently released Common Sense Census offers helpful insights into the ways that our children and teens are using media. Perhaps you’re wondering what kids are doing on those devices during the many hours that they spend on them each day. It seems that the number one activity kids engage in is viewing online videos, like those you find on Youtube and other video sharing platforms. In fact, in the four year period between 2015 and 2019, the percentage of kids watching videos every day has more than doubled, and the average amount of time they spend watching videos has doubled. Parents, we suggest that you spend time learning about what your kids are watching online, and interacting with them about developing skills of media discernment that lead them into engaging with online video content that is constructive rather than destructive. Teach them to filter all that they see and hear through the framework of a biblical worldview. Remember, what they see is shaping them.
Thanks to the crisis in college student loan debt, seventeen states are now requiring high school students to complete a course in personal finance and money management. While we applaud these efforts to instill in teens one of the most basic life skills, we want to remind parents that they, too, need to be teaching kids how to handle and manage their money. We live in a world where our kids are encouraged to see themselves as privileged and entitled. They believe that the accumulation of things brings happiness. This leads to patterns in reckless spending. As Christian parents, our responsibility is to teach our kids that as Psalm 24:1 says, “The earth and everything in it belong to the Lord.” We learn in Proverbs 3:9 that we are to honor the Lord with our possessions. God owns everything and we are simply stewards. As John Wesley once said, we are to work as hard as we can to make all the money you can to save as much as you can in order to give away all that you can.
With marriage on the decline in our culture, we must go out of our way to instruct our kids about the beauty and realities of this God-ordained institution. Where our kids have misunderstandings, we must correct them. One great misunderstanding is that of romantic love. This is the belief that love is a feeling. Consequently, when the feeling subsides or disappears, then love has disappeared as well. What we must teach our kids is that love is both a decision and a commitment. I love this description of marriage from David Brooks in his book “The Second Mountain.” “An old guy is talking to his daughter about his love for his late wife. He tells her, Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and an unfortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”
Wise parents learn that while it is important to continue to offer structure, guidance, direction, advice, and explanations when their kids enter the teenage years, they should at the same time give their children some freedom to make their own decisions. Parents who continue to do all the thinking for their teenagers will raise children who will have difficulty making vocational, marriage, educational, time-management, ethical, and other important choices later in life. In our house, our general rule has been this: When they are children, we think for them. As they move into adolescence, we think with them. We do this so that when they become adults, they will be able to think for themselves. Parents, challenge your teenager to reflect on issues about which you might not see eye-to-eye. By doing so, you will model and encourage responsible critical thinking. And, always teach God’s right and wrong, and be sure to explain and enforce appropriate consequences.
From time to time I tell you about the power that marketing has over our kids. Marketing not only peddles products, but it also sells and promotes a world view. Yes, marketing shapes the way that our kids look at and live life. But our kids aren’t the only targets that marketing so effectively hits. Marketing also shapes us adults. It’s for that reason that I want to sound a warning that relates to one message marketing so effectively is sending to us as parents. That message is this: don’t grow old. It seems that we’re listening as we older folks have become obsessed over our appearance, our clothing, our complexions, our body shapes, and more. We spend billions and billions of dollars trying to stop something that just can’t be stopped. Ultimately, this is idolatry. And in the process, we’re teaching our kids to grow up to worship the idol of youthfulness as well. Parents, consider what it is that you worship, and the message you’re sending to your kids about what’s most important in life.
Today, I want to remind you about what health and well-being experts are calling an epidemic of vaping among our youth. The New England Journal of Medicine says that nicotine vaping has more than doubled among U.S. Youth over the last two years. A growing number of states are considering or enacting legislation to ban some vaping products in order to push back on this epidemic. Just how prevalent is vaping among our kids? The annual Monitoring the Future Survey has released the following numbers: During 2019, two percent of eight graders, seven percent of tenth graders, and twelve percent of twelfth grades report vaping daily. Those who have vaped over the previous thirty days include nine percent of eighth graders, twenty percent of tenth graders, and twenty five percent of twelfth graders. Finally we know that forty one percent of twelfth graders report vaping at least once in their lives. Warn your kids of the dangers of vaping, and be sure to monitor their behavior.
With the recent rise in the rate of anxiety, stress, and depression among our children and teens, we need to be reminded that a teenager needs nine hours and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted sleep for healthy growth and development. Getting less sleep than that contributes to a decrease in a teenager’s mental and physical health. It’s for that reason that experts tell us that our children and teens should never sleep with their smartphones. Along with that recommendation, researchers have been suggesting later school start times due to new research on teens and the times that are optimal for getting the right amount of sleep. It’s now documented that extra sleep can not only benefit physical health, but academic performance as well. Now, California has become the first state to mandate later school start times. Beginning in 2022, middle school classes will begin after 8am, and high school classes after 8:30am. Parents, be sure your kids are stewarding the health of their bodies with enough sleep.
The famous writer and thinker, G.K. Chesterton, once wrote these clever little words about marriage: “Marriage is a duel to the death which no man of honor should decline.” Because I grew up with a romanticized view of love and marriage, my younger self would have wondered what in the world Chesterton was talking about. How could someone who is a follower of Jesus write such negative words? But after thirty seven years of my own marriage and lots of years observing and talking about good marriages, I realize that Chesterton was on to something that we should be talking about and sharing with our kids. You see, many of today’s kids have notions of marriage that are entirely unrealistic. Our responsibility is to get them to see that marriage is a commitment, and love is a decision. We are all broken people who in turn, marry broken people. As a result, marriage is hard work from time to time. Are you teaching your kids that God is the marriage glue?
All this week we’ve been looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. In his helpful article, Why Youth Stay In Church When They Grow Up, Pastor Jon Nielson lists three reasons that are present in the lives of young people who continue to embrace and grow in their faith long after high school graduation. First, they have been truly converted. Rather than simply being happy that our kids are attending youth group, we should be praying that the Gospel would be preached into their lives and embraced by our kids. Second, they have been a part of a youth ministry focused on equipping rather than entertaining. While fun is present, the focus is on leading kids deeply into God’s Word and the life of discipleship. Finally, kids who grow up and continue to grow in their faith have parents who lived and preached the Gospel to them.
All this week we’re looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. Pastor Jon Nielson believes that one of the foundational reasons for this is that our kids have not grown up in homes where their parents have preached the Gospel to them. My own forty years of experience has taught me that when it comes to faith and a whole lot more, kids are most likely to grow up to embrace the beliefs and behaviors they’ve seen and heard lived and taught by mom and dad. Of course, kids who grow up in non-Christian homes do come to saving faith. And, kids who grow up in strong Christian homes will launch on a Prodigal journey. Parents, don’t rely on the youth pastor and youth ministry to nurture your children in the faith. They are there to assist you as you endeavor to grow in your faith, and in turn lead out of your own spiritual maturity as you raise your kids for Christ.
All this week we’re looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. Pastor Jon Nielson believes that one of the foundational reasons for this is that our kids have been entertained by our youth group efforts rather than equipped to live the difficult life of discipleship. He reminds us that in Ephesians, Paul tells us that Christ gave teachers to equip the saints for ministry and to build up the body of Christ. Youth workers need to see themselves primarily as teachers. Have we taught our students well if they graduate from high school without good Bible-reading habits, Bible-study skills, and strong examples of discipleship and prayer? If not, we’ve lost them. Youth workers, it’s good to build loads of fellowship and fun into the youth group experience. But if that’s all there is, we’ve done more to win kids to fun, than to a lifetime of following Jesus.
All this week we’re looking at barriers to lasting faith and the reality that far too many kids are leaving high school, home, and church, then heading off to college and walking away from their faith. Pastor Jon Nielson believes that one of the foundational reasons for this is that our kids have not been converted to the faith. Nielson says that we all too often settle for our kids being nominal Christians or pretty good kids. In Second Corinthians five seventeen, Paul tells us that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. Salvation is a miracle that comes from the glorious power of God through the working of the Holy Spirit. Nielson believes that we need to stop being pleased with attendance at youth group and retreats. Instead, we need to get back to a focus on conversion and trust God’s Spirit to bring about change as we preach, teach, and talk to our kids. Converted kids are hungry to know God’s Word. Converted kids go on to love Jesus and serve the Church.
Several years ago here at CPYU we began what we call our College Transition Initiative. This initiative was our response to the concern parents, youth workers, and pastors were expressing regarding the growing percentage of youth group kids who had been raised in Christian homes, but had then gone off to college and pushed either the pause or stop buttons on their faith. It was as if they were jettisoning everything they had learned while growing up, in order to live what’s now seen as a normal college life void of Christian commitment. We realized that perhaps we aren’t nurturing or discipling young people correctly, leaving them with a mutation of the Christian faith that at the very least is just an ad-on to the rest of life, or at the very worst not even Christian faith at all. Parents, we are called to nurture our children and teens in the faith, teaching them the truths of God’s word and trusting God’s spirit to change their hearts. Stick with us all week, as we look at barriers to lasting faith.
It’s important that when we talk to our kids about following Jesus that we take the time to explain the fact that there is a cost. Way too many of us were raised believing that becoming a Christian would solve all our problems, make our lives easy, and lead to happiness. The reality is that there is a cost. In the last few verses of Luke Chapter nine, we read about three people who came to Jesus to express their willingness to follow him. Jesus responds with words about having no place to lay our heads, letting the dead bury their own dead, and putting hands to the plow and not looking back. What Jesus is saying that the life of discipleship is not an easy life. There will be little comfort as we are not at home in this world. Following Jesus should take precedence over every other relationship. The reality is that discipleship is not a half-hearted endeavor. Parents, we must first consider the cost of discipleship ourselves. And then, we must clearly state the cost of living a life of discipleship with our kids.
From time to time we make you aware of trends in drug and alcohol abuse among our children and teens. With the rapidly spreading legalization of marijuana, it’s important that you are aware of the practice of dabbing. Dabbing is a method of using cannabis in concentrated forms to create a more intense high. A dab is a single portion of concentrated cannabis that can come in a variety of forms that include oils, a soft wax-like solid, or a hard solid. The user typically puts the substance into a bong or pipe and then heats it up with a blowtorch. They might also drop the substance onto a heated surface and let it vaporize. The resulting vapor is then inhaled to gain the effects of the THC. Researchers are discovering that the side effects of dabbing include addiction, psychosis, anxiety, paranoia, and severe hallucinations. In addition, injuries can occur from the extrusion of butane gases. Parents, monitor your kids and lead them into a drug-free lifestyle.
Whether you know it or not, most if not all of us engage from time to time in what’s known as ethnographic research. Ethnography is the study of people in their social environments through the practice of observation. Your own engagement in ethnography has no doubt revealed just how attached we human beings are to our smartphone screens, even from the youngest of ages. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children ages eighteen months and under should not be allowed to engage with screens. Children from ages eighteen to twenty-four months should engage with screens slowly. And children ages two to five should be limited to an hour a day. But researchers have found that eighty-seven percent of children have daily screen time which exceeds these recommendations. We are just now learning the effects of screen time, and we do know that the more time we spend, the more we become attached to our devices. Are you pushing back on digital dependence in your home?
In a recent article in Christianity Today magazine, Lyman Stone from the American Enterprise Institute reported on research into how family religious practices in the home influence the faith formation of children in positive ways into adulthood. Of course, this should not come as a surprise. Throughout the Scriptures, Christians parents are instructed to pass on the faith from generation to generation. If this is God’s design, then we should expect it to work. After looking at the research, Stone writes these words: “Families who pray and worship together tend to continue praying and worshiping together. They key to the successful transmission of the Christian faith across generations is not more youth groups or hipper pastors but the Holy Spirit working through the vocation of parenthood as parents take the time to share their faith with their own children.” Parents, remember that God has called you to be the primary nurturing influence your child’s life. Embrace and live out that high calling!
There’s a big difference between seeing yourself as a human being instilled with dignity, and seeing yourself as an object. Sadly, theworld of advertising is pounding our kids with a non-stop deluge of images that support a self-understanding that’s more like the latter than the former. Our kids are being taught to objectify others, and to be objectified themselves. For a long time, females have been portrayed as “eye candy” and “boy toys.” They’ve learned that their value and worth has been based on what they look like and how they serve the needs of others as sexual things. Now, the pressure’s being felt by our boys as well. When you get hammered with these messages from birth, they’re bound to stick. You should be committed to helping your teen not only identify marketing’s stereotypes, but to consciously and thoughtfully process them out loud in a way that leads them to realize how far these images stray from God’s order and design. Teach your kids about who they are in Jesus Christ.
One of the great Christian truths that we’ve overlooked and even forgotten in our day is this: that God does his best work in our lives when he brings us to the end of ourselves through the gift of suffering. My most mature Christian friends would all say that the path to spiritual maturity and vitality has been through the refiner’s fire of suffering. None of us like suffering, and if I had my way, I would avoid it altogether. It’s not at all fun. But when we enter into difficult times, we can know that God has not forgotten us, but rather He is in the midst of doing something good. Tim Keller writes these words about suffering: “God shakes our confidence in our earthly life so that we can yearn for our heavenly life, where our joy is truly unshakable and where our wailing will be turned into dancing.” King David reminds us of this truth in Psalm 30. Take some time today to read David’s words in Psalm 30, meditate on them, and then talk about them with your kids.
PC magazine recently ran an article with this headline: “This robot wants to help stressed-out teens.” The robot is being developed by engineers at the University of Washington in an effort to address the issue of anxiety and depression among teenagers. It is estimated that seventy percent of teens see anxiety and depression as a major problem among their peers. The robot, is being developed under the name EMAR, which is an acronym for Ecological momentary assessment robot. Researchers found that teens like telling the robot their problems because it cannot judge them or feel burdened by their problems. The robot is even designed to relieve a teenager’s stress through an interactive hug. While we applaud efforts to help teens relieve stress and anxiety, we have to wonder how we are failing kids if we don’t engage them in loving, caring, and burden-bearing human interaction. God has made us for relationships. Perhaps it’s the lack of interactions which are causing stress in the first place.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are now telling us that bullying effects one in five high school students, and one in four middle school students. While none of us want to see our kids suffer at the hands of bullies, we must also be aware of the fact that our kids could be doing the bullying. Experts tell us that some of the signs that a child is bullying someone else include getting into physical and verbal fights, hanging out with friends who are bullies, becoming increasingly aggressive, and getting into trouble in school on a frequent basis. Other signs include blaming others for their problems, not accepting responsibility for their actions, and having unexplained extra money or new belongings. We believe that Christian nurture is an important component in preventing bullying. Jesus calls us to “love one another as I have loved you.” Parents, model Christlike compassion for others to your kids, and be sure to monitor their interactions with their peers.
The latest statistics on opioid overdoses here in the United States serve as a stark reminder of just how bad the opioid crisis has gotten. What’s even more alarming is the fact that a quarter of all opioid overdoses involve teenagers, with a full one-fifth of those cases likely being suicide attempts. This reality serves to remind us of our need to intervene with preventive steps. A good start is to love and nurture kids in ways that build the kind of resilience that keep kids from turning to drugs for relief or escape. When there is an absence of loving and caring adults, kids feel pressure, and left to themselves they are prone to choose dangerous and sometimes deadly behaviors as coping mechanisms. In addition, we must be aware of the constant pressure to experiment with drugs and alcohol. In response, we must provide consistent oversight, and talk about the dangers. Ultimately, we must prayerfully work to point them finding new life and hope in Christ, along with a heartfelt desire to live to His glory.
Several years ago, a concerned father approached me at a church to ask me a question about the powerful voices of youth culture: “How can I expect my 13-year-old son to hear the still small voice of God with all these other voices screaming in his ears, ‘Come and follow! Come and follow! Come and follow!” The battle to hear the life-giving voice of God is not limited to the ears of our children and teens. The voices of what the Apostle Paul calls “the course of this world” are all around us as we endeavor to parent our kids. Those voices are loud, attractive, compelling, and convincing. And the greater the number of our parenting peers who follow those voices, the greater the pressure on us to do the same. The Psalmist knows full well that he needs guidance and direction. In Psalm 25:4 He asks the Lord to “show me” and “teach me your paths.” We are called to do the same. And, we must instill in our kids a passion to be shown and taught as well.
The Bible tells us about the way things in our world should be. As Christian parents raising teens trying to find their way through a world that’s broken and terribly mixed-up, we are given a responsibility to help them wade through the muck that is, by leading them into an understanding of the way things should be. In Old Testament times, God raised up prophets who were called to do just that. In today’s world, God has given our kids parents who should be doing that job. But how are we to speak prophetically into our kids’ lives? When you discover a cultural lie that your kids are facing or embracing, shed the light of God’s life-giving truth on that lie. A hallmark of Godly parenting is continually assuming the prophetic posture, helping our kids see the difference between the ways of the world and the ways of living according to God’s Kingdom priorities. Of course, remember that to effectively communicate God’s Word, you must first be immersed in God’s Word.
In 1652, Thomas Brooks published an eye-opening book I’ve been working through for a couple of years. It’s titled Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices. It’s been a very helpful read. Just like in sports, we must know our opponent and his strategies and tendencies.
In the book, Brooks describes how Satan destroys us by leading us into ignorance through the neglect of reading God’s Word. What results? Brooks’ writes, “Ignorance is the mother of mistake, the cause of trouble, error, and of terror; it is the highway to hell. and it makes a man both a prisoner and a slave to the devil at once.A man without knowledge is as a workman without his hands, as a painter without his eyes, as a traveler without his legs, or as a ship without sails, or a bird without wings, or like a body without a soul.” Parents, we must be teaching our kids to engage in daily reading and study of God’s word. Pray that the Lord gives them an insatiable hunger for His Word.
In response to our growing body of knowledge regarding kid’s sports and the dangers of concussions and traumatic head injuries, officials who regulate the rules for youth soccer in the UK have enacted a new regulation. Children under the age of eleven who play youth soccer in England, Scotland, and Northern Ireland will no longer learn how to head the ball in an effort to cut down on the possibility of potentially harmful injuries. The changes take effect immediately and have been enacted in response to studies on the incidence of degenerative brain disease in former professional soccer players. Research has found that ex-pro soccer players are almost three-and-a-half times more likely to die of dementia, and five times more likely to die from Parkinsons. Regulators are also taking steps to reduce headers as far as possible for older players. We should applaud these efforts to facilitate the safety of our kids. Parents, you are responsible to steward the safety of your child’s God-given body.
A lack of sleep is a documented contributor to stress, anxiety, and depression. It makes sense that if God created us for a rhythm of work and rest, interruptions to our rest cycle will wear us down and wear us out. This is true for people of all ages, but especially true for our children and teens, which offers another explanation for the epidemic of anxiety among the young. A new study from Michigan State University confirms this reality. The study, focused on ninth grade students, found that when kids get an adequate amount of sleep, they are better prepared to handle problem solving tasks. In addition, they are more prone to seek support from their peers when they face difficult situations. And, adequate sleep builds the kind of resiliency needed to handle ethnic and racial discrimination. Researchers are reminding parents to enforce a regular bedtime, to limit overnight media use, and to provide a quiet sleep environment. God wants our kids to flourish. Let’s do what we can to make that happen.
Over the course of the last couple of months, my time spent in God’s Word has been richer than I can ever remember.For me, the clear and unmistakable reason for this has been the fact that living in a world dominated by talk about the Coronavirus has caused me to read the Scriptures in a new way. For example, when the Psalms so often speak of God as a refuge, my felt need for the security of God as my refuge brings comfort and joy like never before. And while we may desire a world free of the worries and cares related to the Coronavirus, the fact is that this is the world in which we presently live. Could it be that God is using what’s happening to draw you and your children to himself, and to make your life a fertile field for the truths of the Gospel? I would say yes! John Calvin wrote, “This is the chief advantage of afflictions, that while they make us sensible of our wretchedness, they stimulate us again to supplicate the favor of God.” Are you asking for God’s favor these days?
Your teenagers will make mistakes. They will fall into sin. They will do wrong. They will disappoint you. How should you respond? Christian counselor and parenting expert Dr. Paul Tripp offers some great advice in his helpful book Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. He reminds us that we need to demonstrate to our children “how the Bible interprets, explains, and organizes life.” Tripp writes, “Don’t resort to on-the-fly, ‘This is what I think about it’ or ‘Do it because I said so’ responses. Your teenager needs confidence in Scripture as God’s source of wisdom and understanding about life. He needs to grow in his ability to use this amazingly sufficient resource. Each circumstance also provides an opportunity to demonstrate how the Bible makes sense out of the things your child faces each day. The goal is that he would really embrace Scripture as a ‘lamp to my feet and light to my path’”. We can begin by making the reading of Scripture a practice in our homes.
Once again I want to issue a warning regarding our kids, loud noises, and the long-term damage that can be done to their hearing. Researchers now tell us that most teenagers are engaged in dangerous listening habits, with nearly half of our teens already showing potential signs of hearing loss. These signs include ringing, roaring, and buzzing in the ears, along with ear pain. One in six teens have symptoms often or all the time. Researchers have also warned us to take note of the risky habits that contribute to this problem. In fact, nearly nine out of ten teens are involved in some combination of listening to loud music with earphones, using lawn mowers and other loud tools, or are using noisy powered toys. Parents, our ears and our hearing are a gift from God. And not only can bad habits at a young age contribute to hearing loss, but hearing loss is a gateway to a host of other health issues. Get your kids to turn down the volume, to wear ear protection, and to avoid exposure to loud noises.
“My greatest character trait is my humility.” Those words were uttered tongue-in-cheek by a friend back in college and I’ve heard the same thing said by others several times since. It’s always said as a joke. But I wonder if we’re predisposed to actually believing it. If so, our ignorance and self-deception is going to kill us. In her book Praying Through The Bible For Your Kids, Nancy Guthrie addresses the issue of pride in this entry. “Pride is such a sneaky sin, especially when it is at the heart of our motivation for doing something that isn’t necessarily a sin. How we need, and how our children need, to examine what is driving us – especially when we want to count the ‘likes’ on our social media post, the wins or records set in athletics, or the number of A’s on our children’s report cards. What we need is for God to do whatever it takes to humble us so that we will not be seduced by the sin of pride.” Parents, prayerfully ask the Lord to help you and your kids deal with the cancerous sin of pride.
I recently read an informative op-ed piece by Stella O’Malley, a therapist who works with families. O’Malley titled her piece, “The Children I Meet Are Often Shattered By Their Social Media Use.” The headline caught my eye as I am constantly involved in debates on the long and short term dangers related to life on our emerging smartphone populated landscape. She writes, “I can’t help but notice how much our devices have become a poisoned chalice in our lives. On the one hand, they are great fun and often fascinating, but on the other hand, they can be a continuous distraction from our real lives and can often make us feel tense, nervous, and disconnected.” She then goes on to explain how companies that profit from technology target children and parents with the educational benefits of devices and apps. But, as she says, it doesn’t take long for these things to be swapped for mindless rubbish. Parents, be aware. Jumping into the digital landscape without caution is very risky.
As I’ve continued to look around at a world where people’s lives are being ravaged by our current pandemic, I can’t help but be reminded that for the Christian, suffering is seen as something that can be redemptive as opposed to destructive. Yes, it hurts. I don’t like it. But the reality is that God uses suffering in our lives for our good and His glory. I am reminded of these words from my friend Dr. Ed Welch: “Suffering is used by God to make us more like him. God uses suffering to expose our hearts, to teach us to depend on him, and to train us in faith. How does that happen? Suffering shows us what is in our hearts. Do we trust God, or is our hope in the good things he has given us? Suffering burns away self-deception by making us aware of what we turn to apart from Jesus to make our lives work the way we want. As we suffer, we find out if our faith in God is genuine?” Parents, do you have this perspective? Go to the Scriptures and teach yourselves and your kids the great benefits of suffering.
I recently had a grandmother tell me about an uncomfortable conversation she had with her elementary-aged grandson. Prompted by watching a TV news story on the current teen vaping epidemic, the inquisitive boy had asked grandma whether she had ever been a smoker. In an effort to be totally honest, the grandmother told her grandson that “yes”, she had been a smoker during her teenage years. When the boy followed up with another question, “Why did you smoke?”, the grandmother told the truth. “All my friends smoked. I didn’t want to be left out.” She went on to explain how she had made an unwise choice to give in to peer pressure. Proverbs 13:20 tells us that “he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Yes. . . my own adolescent experience is proof enough of the truth of those wise words. Parents, equip your kids to face the reality of peer pressure by guiding them into following the Word of God, rather than the course of this world.
What is our purpose in life? We discover our true purpose and identity when we see ourselves as individuals made in the image of God for a relationship with God. The way into that relationship with God is through following Jesus. Have you ever paused to ponder the wonder of God’s grace? Isn’t amazing that He has provided a way back into relationship, purpose, and identity through Jesus Christ? Following Jesus is the path to life and salvation. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus calls us to deny ourselves and “follow” Him. When Jesus called His first disciples to “follow” it was not a suggestion, but a command. One Bible scholar says that the word “follow” is “the Disciple’s word.” It’s the word that’s the key to life. Parents, Jesus uses the word “follow” to summon you and your children to Himself. It involves an act of self-denial and surrender that includes both a cost and a cross. But ultimately, it is the only way to freedom in this life and the next.
Here at CPYU we endeavor to keep you up-to-date on the latest trends regarding teenagers and drugs. While we lament the reality of any teenager abusing drugs and alcohol, there is a positive trend which is somewhat encouraging. Researchers at Washington State University have found that between 2004 and 2017, that average age for first use has been trending upward. The age at which teens started drinking alcohol and smoking rose from sixteen to seventeen. The age of first use for those trying heroin rose from seventeen to eighteen. And for first use of cocaine it went from eighteen to nineteen. Researchers believe that this positive trend is evidence of the fact that drug and alcohol prevention efforts are working. The take away for us as parents is to keep working to warn our kids about the physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual toll that drug and alcohol use exacts. Teach your kids to rely on God’s Word, and to carefully steward the gift of their brains and bodies.
Styles and fads have come and gone in the teen population thanks in part to the way these things are spread from teen to teen through one’s peer networks. The constant presence of social media has facilitated quicker and more widespread opportunities for viral fads, as kids are engaged 24/7 with their social media peer networks. The video-based social media platform known as TikTok is one avenue where kids learn about the latest styles and practices. TikTok influencers have fueled a dangerous fad towards the use of the Wellness Solution brand’s products known as Metabolism Drops and Metabolism Capsules. Even though the weight-loss products are targeted to women over eighteen, girls are using TikTok to encourage others to misuse the product, especially at high doses. Parents, be aware, and warn your kids about the dangers of these products. But be sure to go a step further and teach your kids that identity is not to be found in one’s body image, but in who they are in Christ.
Our current Coronavirus pandemic is doing a favor when it brings us to the end of reliance on ourselves, and into a reliance on God through His son Jesus Christ. For me, my time pondering my own life has been what I hope is a fruitful time of self-examination. I’ve learned that how I spend my time, what I think and daydream about, and what I’ve come to believe that I just can’t do without offers insight into what has become my pearl of great price. What we learn in Matthew 13 is that our pearl of great price should be fellowship with Jesus and life in the Kingdom of God. And if that’s not my pearl of great price, then I’m in fellowship with the things of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Parents, let’s pray that our sin and the sin of our children would be exposed. A prayer we can use in these confusing times is the prayer from Psalm 86:11: Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. . . and please do the same for my children.
In his first letter addressed to followers of Jesus, the Apostle John issues a six-word parting statement that is extremely direct and powerful. These six words remind us of just how easy it is to fall prey to ideas, habits, and things that become so important in our lives that they take the place of God. John writes, “Dear children, keep yourselves from idols” (I John 5:21). There is a fundamental incompatibility between the worship of God and the worship of idols. Idolatry has been defined as turning good things into “ultimate” things. Perhaps the current Covid-19 pandemic has helped you to see the idols you’re prone to embrace. Share John’s warning with your kids. Teach them to run from idols like the plague. Help them to look for and see the idols that are not easily recognizable. This conflict and temptation will not disappear until the day when Jesus returns and all things are made new. Keeping one’s self from idols is a conscious pursuit we must embrace, model, and teach.
Our teenagers’ lives are marked by a convergence of realities that often result in sinful behavior. They are fallen and depraved beings, they are at a developmental stage where impulsivity is strong, they believe they can make good decisions, and they are immersed in a peer culture that oftentimes exerts a powerful negative influence. When they fail, we can easily be lured into believing that if their outward behavior suddenly conforms to Godly standards, everything is alright on the inside. As a result, we sometimes fall into the trap of putting a premium on outward behavior, rather than on inward heart change. Jesus reminds us that we should shoot for the heart, not the behavior. When speaking about the Pharisees he said, “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me”. While it might be easier on us if we demand and receive behavioral conformity from our kids, the reality that bears long-term fruit for the Kingdom of God is the obedience that flows not from fear, but from a changed heart.
In wake of the controversy following this year’s hyper-sexualized Super Bowl halftime dance show, I read an article written by Mary Bawden, of the organization Dance Awareness: No child exploited. Bawden loves dance and says that watching a child explore the art of movement through dance is precious. But she is also sounding the alarm regarding how in children’s dance classes around the nation, young children are being taught to dance with choreography that hypersexualizes them and their bodies. She warns readers that our kids are being taught movement patterns that are highly suggestive, and which include obscene gestures. Add to that the presence of sexualized music and seductive costumes, and you’ve got a mix that has negative effects on kids. These negative effects include body dysmorphia, desensitization to hyper-sexualization, promiscuity, higher risk of pornography use, and higher risk of abusive relationships. Parents, nurture your kids into the counter-cultural beauty of a biblical sexual ethic.
Like you, I’ve been watching the news and tracking with the fatality statistics related to the Coronavirus and our current pandemic. At the end of March, I had a longtime friend die after he contracted Covid-19. Perhaps more than ever before in our lifetimes, we are thinking more and more about death and our own mortality. And if that’s the case for us, it’s certainly the case for our kids. The apostle Paul lived out his own Christian faith in light of eternity and his own mortality. In Philippians 1:21, Paul opens our eyes to the reality that there is more to life than just our days that we draw breath on this earth. In fact, for the Christian, we are to live in the light and hope of eternity. Paul writes, “For me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.” Parents, our current pandemic has opened the door to a great teachable moment. Share these words from Tim Keller with your kids: “If God is with you, even the worst thing that happens to you – death – only makes you infinitely happier and greater!”
Years ago, I was expressing frustration to a friend regarding some trying circumstances. He challenged me to look into the Bible to discover how God uses the challenges we face in life to take us out of ourselves and form us into the people He desires us to be. My friend encouraged me to embrace difficult providences. "Providence" refers to the fact that humanity and our world are not ruled by fate or chance, but by God. He directs human history and all creation toward the goal of conforming us and our world to His divinely determined goal. Because God wants to do great work in our lives, He sometimes allows us to endure difficult circumstances to bring about great good. My friends words to me about choosing to become bitter or better as a result of my difficulty have come back to me over the course of the last few weeks, and they have served to remind me that God is at work in my life and in the life of my family through the current health crisis. Do not forget that God is at work.
Today we’re finishing up our week-long look at Chap Clark’s five new realities every kids wants you to know. As I listened to Chap talk about reality number five my heart ached for our children and teens. You see, our kids are trying to tell us that they are wounded, bruised, and hurt. Chap reminds us that when you add up all these factors, despair is the only rational choice left for many kids. In today’s world, nearly every child and adolescent has been hurt by the systemic abandonment of adults. It’s for this reason that Chap titled his eye-opening book on kids with this one word: hurt. Parents, youth workers, teachers, coaches, pastors, and anyone else who knows and works with kids – there’s a message here for us: We need to go out of our way to step into their world and lives. And while we’re there, we need to listen hard to their cares and concerns. Then, we need to bring the life-giving light of God’s Word to bear on the realities that exist. Let’s really love our kids!
Today we’re continuing our week-long look at Chap Clark’s five new realities every kid wants us to know. Here’s reality number four: Our kids believe that the words people use rarely match reality. What is Chap telling us here? Our kids are living in a world where it’s obvious to them that promises that are made are just as easily broken. As a result, our kids have become Class A cynics. You hear it from kids who say things like, “We don’t respect adults because they don’t respect us.” Growing up being told to “do as I say, not as I do” may sound like an innocuous and innocent old cliché. But in today’s brave new world of childhood and adolescence, this reality gap is one more nail in the coffin of trust. Jesus has called his followers to follow him by living lives of integrity. We must not only keep our word, but that word must be kept in and through our actions. We can reverse the cynicism of the emerging generations by being people of truth and integrity.
All this week we’re looking at my friend Chap Clark’s five new realities every kid wants us to know. Reality number three is this: Our kids believe that there is nothing that lasts. Chap reminds us that M. Scott Pecks book, The Road Less Traveled, begins with these words: “Life is difficult.” We know that this is true. But over the last few decades, we have becoming increasingly hopeless about the future. For our kids, futility about the future is the new normal. Developing a healthy outlook on life requires that there is something upon which to stand and thrive. With our kids believing that tomorrow is always going to be worse, we need to go out of our way to communicate the hope that can be theirs in Jesus Christ. Yes, the world is broken. But God has put into place a marvelous and grand plan of redemption where those who have faith in Christ can not only have hope in the midst of present difficulty, but they can look forward to a new heaven and a new earth where all things are as they are supposed to be.
All this week we’re looking at my friend Chap Clark’s five new realities every kid wants us to know. Today, we’re looking at reality number two: that our kids believe their worth is measured by their performance. Chap says that historically, children were valued simply because they were a part of us. But today, as a result of being abandoned, they now have to earn their way into our hearts and minds. But here’s the issue: While we all want our kids to do well, to produce, and to flourish, we have created an environment where our kids see that the only way to get noticed is to succeed at what the adults in your life want from you. For example, when a child is playing soccer and his dad only looks up from his cell phone when he scores a goal, the child is learning that dad’s attention is hinged on scoring a goal. When this lesson is repeated, it becomes ingrained. The message for adults is clear: expect kids to do their best. But we must love them, care for them, and spend time with them simply because they are a part of us.
My friend Chap Clark says thee are five new realities every kid wants you to know. This week, we’re going to unpack those five realities. Chap says that the first reality is this: that kids have been abandoned by the adult community. The last few decades have seen a decline in the time and willingness of adults to simply be there for kids. This includes teachers, neighbors, coaches, and yes, even parents and youth workers. Consequently, kids are asking “who is there to listen to me?” “Who respects me?” And “who really cares about me?” Chap calls this systemic abandonment. It’s the sad reality where the various systems and structures that shape our kids’ lives have become more committed to the perpetuation of an agenda or expectation than to the internal landscape of a child’s developmental trajectory. With more and more of our kids facing the prospect of fewer and fewer adults being there for them, each of us needs to take stock of how well we’re doing at being present in their lives.
If you spend any time at all paying attention to the news, you are aware of a growing cultural animosity towards Christianity and its adherents. While this can certainly lead to fear, worry, and anxiety, we must remember that from Genesis to Revelation, the scriptures teach that faithful witness will involve opposition, persecution, and perhaps even suffering. Parents and youth workers, are you taking deliberate steps to prepare the kids you know and love for faithful witness in the world? I believe that the task of Christian nurture needs to be a primary first-priority as we raise and lead kids. Perhaps our youth ministries should take this task more seriously as we engage with kids in ways that prepare them for what Dietrich Bonhoeffer called “the Cost of Discipleship.” Psalm 34:19 reminds us that “the righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” Teach your kids that while life may be difficult, God is with them.
In the Gospel of Luke, we are told that eight days after his birth, Jesus was brought by Mary and Joseph to Jerusalem to be circumcised. While there, they took Jesus into the temple where an upright man by the name of Simeon took the infant in his arms. God had promised Simeon that he would not die until he had seen the Lord’s Christ with his own eyes. As he looks upon the Messiah, Simeon says, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” I can only imagine the joy that Simeon felt. God in His amazing mercy and grace gives us the same opportunity to gaze on the Messiah and to accept His gift of salvation by faith in Jesus. As a parent, you have been called to point your children to the Christ so that they might hear and heed His call to “come and follow me.” It is in following Jesus that we enter into the Kingdom of God and the joy of salvation.
One of my favorite activities since the time I was young boy has been riding my bicycle. Now, it’s a road bike and I treasure my times on my bike when I can quietly reflect, enjoy the beauty of the area where we live, and to get my heart pumping. After a recent ride with my wife, we both commented on how tired our legs were and how much we were looking forward to getting a good night’s sleep thanks to all of the energy we expended. Researchers at Penn State University recently found that teenagers who for one day get either more exercise than normal or are more sedentary than normal will have their sleep affected that night. When there’s been exercise, they will sleep better. And when they’ve been sedentary they will sleep worse. Not surprisingly, researchers are recommending more teen exercise for greater sleep maintenance efficiency at night. To steward their bodies well and to ensure better health, your teen needs the exercise that fuels sleep.
When last summer came to end, I once again pondered the difference between summertime in my neighborhood now, and summertime in my neighborhood when I was growing up. We sound old when we reminisce back to the long summer days when we couldn’t get outside to play early enough, and we’d always protest when we were called inside at night to go to bed. All we wanted to do was be outside with our friends, and we took every opportunity to make that happen. Today, there are lots of children and teens in our neighborhood. But thanks to smartphones, video games, and parental fears about a dangerous world, we rarely see children playing outside. In fact, seeing a child ride down our quiet street on a bicycle is such a rare occurrence, that I find myself doing a double-take. Research has shown that physical activity not only fights the epidemic of obesity and declining health, but it increases a child’s academic performance. God has given us the gift of play. Encourage your kids to exercise the gift.
In his book 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You, Tony Reinke relates a story about his wife and what she learned when she did something that most of us might never do these days. She decided to remove herself from engaging with social media by dropping off Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. On the nine month anniversary of what Reinke calls her social media sobriety, Tony Reinke’s wife looked at him and said this: “Compulsive social-media habits are a bad trade: your present moment in exchange for an endless series of someone else’s past moments.” Wow. There’s a truth in that statement that we must grasp and act on. And, we must teach our kids to do the same. We need to realize that there is a cost that comes with spending so much time looking at the curated and staged lives of others on social media. In effect, our social media lives can stop our own living. We need to pause and take stock, and where necessary, power down while encouraging our kids to do the same.
I recently watched an interview that got me thinking about a huge mistake we oftentimes make as parents. The interview was with former major league pitcher Jim Abbott. Abbott is best known as the guy who made it to the major leagues in spite of being born without a hand on his right arm. During the interview, Abbott talked about his physical disability, how he was taught to handle it growing up, and what he learned as a result of having to overcome his differences from others. Abbott was emphatic about the fact that all the difficulties and taunts during his childhood made him a better man. In other words, his parents helped him navigate the challenges, but never shielded him or softened the blows in order to make his life easier. In today’s world, too many kids miss out on developing in healthy ways due to parents who bubble-wrap and shield them from difficulties, consequences, and the hard realities of life. Suffering is God’s curriculum for healthy growth.
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration recently completed a study that reminds us that the number one cause of death among teenagers is car accidents. The study reports that while teenagers are fairly well-informed regarding driving laws and safety practices, they get into accidents for two main reasons: inexperience and risk-taking. The report says that the most common driving mistakes made by teenagers are driving too fast, driving too close to other vehicles, and distracted driving. Recommendations made to parents of teen drivers include monitoring their driving during the time when they have a probationary license, and reminding them of the teen driving risks and dangerous behaviors. We would add to that the need to teach our kids to integrate their Christian faith into their driving, which is also good advice for us as adult drivers. We need to see our time behind the wheel as another opportunity to bring glory to God. Our driving should be an act of worship.
One of the most heart-breaking and difficult aspects of being a Christian parent who longs to see his kids embrace and mature in their own faith, is the rocky nature of adolescent faith. Much of their “wavering” is simply a part of the teenage territory and the process of adopting their family’s faith as their own. But maybe an even greater amount of that wavering is rooted in their humanness. . . a reality that we share with them. Let’s face it – we are all sinful and fallen people whose lives – just like the lives of so many Biblical characters – have always been marked by periods of doubt, struggle, problems, and failures. The Bible is filled with stories of rebellious human beings who were called by God to be His people, but who often stubbornly followed their own will and way. Becoming transparent with our kids about the presence of these realities in our own lives can be liberating for them. It not only allows them to see us in our full humanity and dependence on God, but it gives them permission to struggle, doubt, and sometimes fail.
The Bible speaks from beginning to end about the presence and benefits of suffering. James tells us that we’re to “consider it all joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance,” which then leads to maturity. The teenage years bring difficulty for both teenagers and their parents. As a result, we can experience the joy of going deeper with God and depending on him during the challenges of adolescence. We’ve learned that the harder the difficulty, the deeper God is taking us. He wants us at the place where we drop our arms to our sides, look to him in desperation, and then confess, “Ok Lord, I’ve got nothing.” Suffering is a process God uses to refine us and our kids into His image and likeness. If we had to do it all over again as parents, would we change the circumstances that led us to suffering and helplessness? Absolutely not! It’s been a gift that’s taken us deeper in our dependence on Him.
Thanks to the new iPhone 11 and iPhone 11 Pro, our selfie culture is moving to a new level, allowing users to indulge their narcissism by fabricating, curating, and promoting themselves in new ways. The most talked about feature on these new phones is the picture taking ability, thanks to multiple lenses and upgraded cameras. One of the new features is the ability to take video selfies in slow motion. These new-fangled selfies have already been labeled “slofies”. Of course, these camera upgrades can be used in some creative and very positive ways. But whenever new technology comes along there are a couple of issues parents should keep an eye on. First, there is the matter of financial stewardship. High costs offer us an opportunity to talk about and address the difference between wants and needs. Second, there is the issue of the stewardship of time. With our kids already spending several hours a day looking at screens, this could be the path to spending even more time. Parents, monitor your kids.
The recently released Common Sense Census offers helpful insights into the ways that our children and teens are using media. One of the more interesting findings from this most recent study is that even though digital devices allow them to be creative, our kids devote very little time to creating their own content. They tend to watch videos and play games rather than making digital art, graphics, music, games, and video. Because we learn in Genesis that we have been made in the image of God and we are commanded to cultivate the earth, we are called to be culture makers. The good gift of technology offers us another landscape on which to create content that glorifies God by pointing to things that are good, true, honorable, and right. If your kids are technologically literate, creative, and interested in creating their own online content, teach them to create content as an act of worship. Encourage them to pursue excellence in style, and truthfulness in content.
What does parental love and attention have to do with a teen’s sexual choices and activities? Research has shown that teens will often use sex as a means to express and satisfy emotional and interpersonal needs that have little or nothing to do with sex. Sexual intercourse becomes a coping mechanism to deal with the absence of love and affection at home. One study of ninth graders sought to discover why young teens want or would want to engage in male-female sexual intercourse. Intimacy was the number one reason given, with respondents understanding intimacy as something that would make them “feel close” or “feel loved.” Chap Clark discovered in his conversations with teens that sexual activity oftentimes serves as “a temporary salve for the pain and loneliness resulting from abandonment. Parents, three of the greatest gifts you can give your children are the gifts of your time, your attention, and your love. Your kids need all three. Give them generously.
Peer pressure has always been a part of the adolescent experience. While peer pressure exists for people of all ages, it reaches its zenith during the teen years. One significant difference between today’s peer pressure and the kind that took place thirty or more years ago is the form it takes. Peer pressure used to manifest itself through an individual or group’s verbal invitation to “go ahead and do it,” with both the sender and the receiver knowing full well that the encouraged behavior was wrong. Typically, there was an element of having to sneak around and not get caught. Now, more often than not, the pressure takes the form of an unspoken expectation to participate in behavior that is generally accepted as normal and right by teenage peers and even many adults. As a result, today’s peer pressure is much greater than anything I ever knew or experienced during my adolescence. Yes, peer pressure is very difficult for our kids. Pray for your kids, asking God to give them an ability to stand up for what’s right.
Are you teaching your kids to suffer well? On several occasions Jesus told his followers that they could expect pain and persecution. The Psalms are full of the moans and laments of human suffering and emotional misery. But all of God’s Word points to the fact that God does not leave us alone in times of trouble. In the midst of intense personal pain the psalmist would write these words: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” “The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life.” Our parental example should teach our children how to handle the difficulties that life sends our way. As we model the Christian way to handle pain and suffering, our children will grow up learning that they must place full reliance and dependence on God, even when they can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
From time to time my dad verbalizes just how difficult it is to raise children in today’s world. Like many older folks, he remembers the relative innocence of childhood back when he was raising his boys in the 1960s and 70s. I recently ran across an online article that listed the five worst challenges facing parents of teens today that weren’t relevant twenty years ago. These challenges include rising college costs, engaging with inappropriate online content, fake news, social media addiction, and finally, academic pressure and burnout. Parents, we cannot put our heads in the sand and ignore the cultural realities shaping our kids. Instead, we need to educate ourselves regarding these issues, and then respond by prayerfully crafting God-honoring and biblically-informed strategies that will enable our kids to navigate the landscape of childhood to the glory of God. Reality always demands a response. We can either ignore what’s happening, or we can act.
Just when we’re tempted to speed it up with our kids, we need to slow it down. Sometimes we wonder how quickly we can make these sometimes awkward and difficult years of adolescence pass. Guess what, your teens have that same hope, and it’s not necessarily a healthy thing. Marketers understand this much better than we do as parents. They’re well aware of the fact that our teens want to feel, look, be perceived, and be treated as older than they are. The gap between real-age and aspired-to-age narrows as kids get older. It’s at its worst when our kids enter adolescence. Researchers have discovered that 12 and 13-year-olds aspire to be 17. Our 14 and 15-year-olds aspire to be 19. Sixteen year-olds aspire to be 19. And 17 to 19-year-olds aspire to be 20. Slow it down when you see your kids caving in to age-aspiration in ways that are dangerous, inappropriate, and wrong. Don’t let them grow up too fast or too soon. The teenage years can move way too fast, forcing our kids into things they’re not ready to handle.
Parents, at what age should be put a smartphone in the hands of our kids? I get asked this question all the time. Typically, parents who hold out on smartphones for their kids begin to feel great pressure to cave. Most times, the pressure comes from their own kids, who beg and plead, saying that they’re the last kid their age on the face of the earth to get a smartphone. But the good news is that I’m now encountering more and more parents who are wisely evaluating how smartphones change young lives. Many are opting to hold out on giving their kids a phone. IN a recent article in the Atlantic, one of these moms, Sarah Weeldryer, shared these words: “I believe that a smartphone too accessible, given too early, and in the wrong hands is at best an addictive distraction and at worst a handheld siphon draining away children’s youth one beep, one swipe, and one notification at a time.” That’s good advice. Parents, exercise digital wisdom. Don’t give your kids too much technology too soon.
In centuries past, when puberty arrived at a later age and marriages took place when children were younger, pre-marital sexual temptation was present but not as intense. Kids were able to answer the pressure with some resilience thanks to a commonly-held understanding of sexual parameters, right and wrong, and the expectations of society-at-large. The ever-widening gap between sexual maturity and age of marriage has made it difficult for our kids. Add to that the fact that the wonderful, newfound, and exciting gift of sexuality can be corrupted by a culture that encourages its youngest children to “go for it,” and it’s very, very difficult for our kids. It is crucial that parents understand, teach, and model the biblical perspective of sexuality. In addition, these new cultural realities require parents to speak openly with their children and teens about sexuality in age-appropriate ways. . . even when it makes us feel uncomfortable. Parents, what are you teaching your kids?
In their best-selling book The Coddling of the American Mind, Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff tell us that one of the cultural lies we and our kids have been led to believe is this: “What doesn’t kill you will make you weaker.” Consequently, our goal in life is to do whatever we can to avoid pain, believing that it will destroy us. Conversely, we believe we should pursue pleasure and comfort at any cost, believing that pleasure is redemptive. Anyone who has endured difficulty and learned great lessons knows that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, as Christians we must recognize that nothing could be further from Gospel truth. Suffering is the fertile ground for great growth in character, wisdom, and virtue. Suffering brings us to the end of ourselves. It grows our dependence on God while undermining our dependence on our selves. I believe that we should be praying that our kids will suffer enough to lead them out of themselves, and into a deep trust and faith in God.
Parents, how much time are you spending with your kids? Would your children say that the way you spend your time shows that they are more important than your job, hobbies, smartphones, and social life? Today, I want to challenge you to take stock of how much time you’re spending with your children and teens. Don’t believe the lie that “quality time” is just as important as “quantity time.” In reality, the two go hand in hand. Don’t invoke the myth of “quality time” to justify your absence from home in order to pursue career success and/or your personal interests and pursuits. When high school students were asked about their wishes for a better life, you might be surprised at what they said. A small number wished for more money and a bigger house. Not surprising since those things are terribly overvalued in our culture. But here’s the thing those high schoolers wished for more than anything else: “more time spent with my family.” Guess what? You can make that wish come true. Spend time with your kids!
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’ve spent all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Today I want to share a strategy that can push back against social anxiety, which is one of the most prominent forms of anxiety we hear about in the youth population. While its essential that we all involve ourselves in Christian fellowship with other members of the body of Christ, it’s especially helpful for our kids to be assimilated into two specific groups. First, involvement in a caring Christian youth group community provides shelter from the pressures of the larger real-life peer group and the virtual peer group found on social media. And second, our kids need to be integrated into the larger body of Christ where they can interact with a variety of caring adults. Never underestimate the power of Christian community to foster healthy spiritual growth and development. Your kids were made for it.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Research is showing that one of the greatest catalysts for anxiety is immersion in social media. The use of technology has created an expectation that things should happen fast, in fact, immediately. When technology slows or we don’t get an immediate response we become anxious. Social media also sets up unrealistic standards for physical appearance and beauty. Consequently, kids and adults anxiously fabricate and curate images of self that aren’t even close to being honest. We become anxious if we can’t hit the standard. And, we fear being found out and seen for who we really are. Finally, when our kids have their faces constantly buried in their devices, they miss out on the flourishing that comes with living in the real world. Social media is not bad. But too much leads to anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One of the best ways to prevent anxiety is to stop overscheduling your kids. Research on today’s culture points to the fact that our kids are so over-involved and feeling such incredible pressure to achieve at the highest levels in all of their activities, that they are crumbling under the pressure. One way to push back is to be sure that your kids are eating right, getting enough exercise, and sleeping nightly for the nine hours and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted sleep that’s necessary for healthy growth and development. In addition, we must recognize the fact that God made us for a rhythm of work and rest. This includes the need for a Sabbath. What would happen if we recovered the practice of taking one day a week to rest? I’m sure we would see a decline in anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we’re spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One important step we can take is to teach our kids that the nature of living the Christian life is like running a race. The writer of Hebrews tells us to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. And, as we run and struggle and even stumble at times, we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the pioneer and perfector of our faith. In my own life, one of the greatest causes of anxiety is the tendency to take my eyes off of Christ and to place them onto the temporary matters of life that can consume my thoughts and energies. Instead, we are instructed to look away from these idols and focus our gaze straight ahead to the one who waits for us at the finish line. Teach your kids to keep from looking side to side in the comparison game that only leads to fear and anxiety.
With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to spend this week offering some strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today’s culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o’er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan’s thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o’er all forever reigns!”
There are many people who wonder if divorce hurts kids. If you’re a child of divorce yourself, you already know the answer. But for those who need to hear the research and hard data, there is mounting evidence that yes, divorce does hurt kids. Researchers at the National Marriage Project have found that many of today’s youth problems can be attributed directly or indirectly, to the decline of marriage. This includes high rates of juvenile delinquency, suicide, substance abuse, child poverty, mental illness, and emotional instability. Research also shows that these issues and problems aren’t unique to the adolescent years. Kids of divorce carry these problems and their fallout all the way through their adult years. So as our society changes, husbands and wives are becoming more committed to being uncommitted. The result is that more and more kids are suffering. We need to hold to a high view of marriage that reflects God’s priorities for the family. It’s good for the kids.
When you’re with your kids and engaging media together, why not use the things you see and hear as an opportunity to offer biblical correctives to the messages the media gets wrong? Here are three categories of messages to look for and answer with biblical truth. First, there are the ideologies. This is the stuff of worldview formation. In today’s world the message is one that convincingly tells us that our highest and most noble goal in life is to be true to yourself. Second, there are the messages about identity. We now choose to be self-defined rather than Creator-defined. Today, we develop our identities based on what we choose rather than on the givenness of our God-made humanity. We believe we can find rest in who we choose to be rather than in who we are as image-bearers in Christ. Third, there is the pressure to fabricate, curate, and promote our imagethat is seen by the world. This pressure wrongly convinces kids that “I am what I look like. . . and what people think of me.”
Over the years you’ve heard us address the issues related to teenagers and their consumption of energy drinks. These highly caffeinated drinks are marketed aggressively to young consumers through flavoring and brightly colored packaging. Their presence in the teen landscape is nothing new. But a new study has found that there’s been a significant increase in energy drink consumption among teenagers, young adults, and middle-aged adults over the past ten years. The study found that those teens who consumer energy drinks consume caffeine amounts four times that of teens who don’t consume these energy beverages. Parents, you need to be aware that there are negative health consequences linked to the consumption of these drinks, including aggressive behavior, depression, heightened blood pressure, obesity, tooth decay, and type 2 diabetes. Remember, you are responsible to guide your children and teens into stewarding the health of their bodies to the glory of God.
Once again I want to issue a warning regarding our teenagers of driving age. We must never forget that they are inexperienced drivers. Consequently, we need to be warning them to take precautions regarding the known risks to teenage safety behind the wheel. A new study from the American Automobile Association outlines the three most common driving mistakes that teenagers make when they are behind the wheel. Because driving is an act of worship, remind your kids to avoid these mistakes so that they might not only drive safely, but bring glory to God. First, warn them against speeding. Second, remind them to avoid distracted driving. This happens most often when there are other people in the car, and/or when they are focused on their phones. Finally, remind them to keep their eyes scanning the road for risks and hazards. Too many teens get tunnel vision while they are driving. Driving is a privilege. Help your kids keep themselves and others safe on the road.
Parents, here’s a powerful reminder from Nancy Guthrie in her book Praying Through the Bible For Your Kids. “To be a true follower of Jesus is not easy. There is a cost. It requires a relinquishment of the selfish ambition that makes this life all about what we can accomplish and acquire. It requires that rather than charting out a course for a life that we think will provide happiness and fulfillment, we must entrust the course of our lives to Christ. It requires that we fix our gaze firmly on him as we anticipate his benefits and presence in the life to come, even as we accept the losses and disappointments that are part of this life. As parents, we want to protect our children from pain and difficulty. Too often we want a life for them that does not include a cross. We need faith to believe that what Jesus said to his disciples is really true for us and for our children – that the only way to find true life is by putting self-determination and self-centeredness to death.”
Somehow, some way, materialism is always able to sneak into our lives to steal our time, our thoughts, our energy, and our resources. Our contemporary culture encourages the worship of material things. Your parental example sends a loud and clear message to your kids about what’s most important in your life and what they should hold near and dear to their hearts. Proverbs warns about the dangerous trap of materialism: “Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist. When your eyes light on it, it is gone, for suddenly it sprouts wings, flying like an eagle toward heaven.” The message that we need to send to our kids through our words and example is that all that we have, are, and ever hope to be is a gift entrusted to us by God. Our responsibility is to steward these gifts to his glory to further his work on earth. Why not take some time to examine your check book and credit card statements. What message do they send about your treasure?
I know several parents who have weathered the storm of rebellious teens to watch their children grow up with a faith that has become their own. In fact, many of them have embraced the storm knowing that in the long run, their child will be better for having gone through the difficulty. When I ask them how they got through it, they consistently offer these simple and valuable suggestions to parents who are still facing this challenge: Be diligent in teaching young children by precept and example. Don’t be upset when your children start to ask questions. Encourage your teen to be a vital part of your church. Openly share your own doubts and struggles. Never, ever forget that spiritual growth is a process. Remember that spiritual maturity is born out of struggle. Never stop praying for your kids. And don’t ever think that the story is over. God’s ways are not our ways. And His script for our story and the story of our kids is not the script we would write.
Is it possible to praise your children too much? Recently, I’ve found myself in the presence of several sets of young parents who spend what seems like a great amount of time and effort heaping boatloads of enthusiastic praise on their kids, for seemingly no reason at all. The mantra they chant includes things like “you’re awesome!” and “you’re the best.” Now I’ll be the first parent in line to tell you how important it is to encourage and lift up your kids. But recent research indicates that we might be over-praising kids to their long-term detriment. Some experts are wondering if over-praising creates kids who are unable to take criticism, have difficulty handling failure, and who are perpetually entitled. Perhaps a better approach would be to understand and treat our kids through a theological framework that helps them understand that everything good they have and everything good they are is purely a gift from a gracious God. . . who by the way, has come to save them because they can’t save themselves.
Anyone who has ever been a teenager or is raising a teenager knows that some of the storm and stress of adolescence is the result of impulsivity and poor decision-making. Like the rest of us, teenagers are prone to stray from God’s will and way as they make sinful choices and decisions. God used His prophet Jeremiah to deliver a strong message to His people regarding the blessings and curses associated with the making of both good and bad choices. Because He is a God of great grace, God promises to forgive and bless those who repent and turn away from their sin as He works out His plan for their lives. The familiar words of Jeremiah 29:11 speak to this reality as God promises those who repent that He will “prosper” them eternally with His forgiveness and peace. Your teens need to not only know that God frowns on their sin, but that He has provided a way through Christ to forgiveness of sin and the erasure of the condemnation that results from our sinful choices and decisions.
Over the course of my three decades studying youth culture, I’ve regularly asked parents about what they think are the greatest pressures facing teenagers today. Typically, parents will cite things like peer pressure, drinking, and bullying. What parents might not know is that while these issues are a concern for today’s teenagers, teens themselves are now saying that the most critical issue facing their peers is anxiety and depression. In a Pew survey of one thousand teens ages thirteen to seventeen, seventy percent cite depression and anxiety as the most critical issue facing young people their age. Fifty-five percent said bullying is a problem, fifty-one percent cited drug addiction, and forty-five percent mentioned drinking. And when asked about what’s at the root of all their anxiety, the number pressure kids say they feel is the pressure to get good grades. Parents, be sure your kids are expected to do their best, rather than some socially defined and idolatrous best.
Proverbs ten twenty-five states a truth that should shape our lives, our parenting, and our youth ministries. It says, when the storms of life come, the wicked are whirled away, but the godly have a lasting foundation.” At the end of the sermon on the mount, Jesus speaks of the wise and foolish builders and how their respective homes weather the storms of life. Both of the builders hear the word of God and both of them face the same storm. But one house stands and one house falls. It’s the one who hears and obeys the word who is able to weather and withstand the difficult storms that are inevitable in all of our lives. Parents, if you are working to prepare your kids to live their lives to God’s glory, they need to know that life is not easy. Difficulties will come. And, they need to know that God has revealed the key to weathering life’s storms. Fill your children’s lives with the truths of God’s Word. Teach them to treasure God’s word as the foundation of life.
We live in a world where our kids are encouraged to find and build their identity around physical characteristics, including appearance and performance. It should come as no surprise that more and more kids are turning to dietary supplements to lose weight, shrink their waistlines, or build muscle. New research published in the Journal of Adolescent Health reports that teens who use these supplements could be putting themselves at risk of harm and even death. Researchers say there are two ways that dietary supplements can cause harm. First, some supplements contain dangerous ingredients that are not listed on the label. And second, users were combining supplements with other supplements or even prescription drugs, creating combinations that cause harm. Previous studies report negative health issues including chronic diarrhea, dehydration, stroke, seizures, heart problems, and kidney and liver damage. Parents, be aware, and help your kids make good choices.
As technology has continued to fill our time more and more, there has been an upsurge in research which examines the effects of screen time on our children and teens. We should be rightly concerned and diligent in our efforts to know if what we allow our kids to do both in terms of time and content, contributes to their human flourishing, or undermines their human flourishing. Recent research from Canada indicates that preschoolers who engage with screens for two or more hours a day are five times more likely to exhibit major behavioral problems and seven times more likely to show signs of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. In fact, screen time was a greater risk factor for these issues than sleep, parenting stress, and socioeconomic status. Researchers also found that engaging in physical activity and getting enough sleep helped to buffer the effects of too much screen time. Parents, you are called by God to steward the health and development of your children. Use wisdom!
Despite the shift in attitudes regarding marijuana that have taken place in response to continued legalization, health professionals are reminding us that this does not change the fact that the drug is not safe for high school and college students. Kenneth L. Davis of the Mount Sinai Health System and Mary Kreek from the Laboratory of the Biology of Addictive Diseases are sounding the warning that marijuana has a deleterious impact on cognitive development in adolescents. In fact, marijuana can impair executive function, processing speed, memory, attention span, and concentration. They say that the explanation is rather clear: the adolescent brain, especially its frontal cortex, is especially vulnerable. Simply stated, marijuana damages young brains. It’s important that we exercise our parental responsibility to nurture our children into a substance-free lifestyle. God calls us to care for our bodies that they may be used to serve and bring glory to Him.
When I was a kid, I remember bullying happening primarily on the playground or in our neighborhood after school. And with boys doing most of the bullying, it was rare to see one of our female peers pushing someone else around. But into today’s social media driven world of childhood and adolescence, the tables have turned. New research from Rutgers University reports that girls are more often bullied than boys, and that females are more negatively affected by bullying. The researchers are concerned because bullying is associated with depressive symptoms, suicidal ideation, suicide planning, and suicide attempts. While bullying behavior is wrong in all cases, parents should be aware of this new research on bullying and our girls. Teach your girls to conduct themselves online and offline in a Christlike manner. And, be sure to talk with your girls about the kinds of interactions they are encountering online. We must build each other up rather than tearing each other down.
Think for a moment about the trying times parenting throws your way. If you’re involved in youth ministry or some other activity with teenagers, think about the hard times you’ve encountered in that role. Can you say like the Apostle Paul, “We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom so that we present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.” What role do you allow God to play? I know all too well from my own history and experience that I often fail to live in total dependence on God. I’ve tried to parent my own children and minister to other kids with my own efforts and willpower. When I do, I find myself tired, burned out, and defeated. True dependence on God requires that we recognize our need to have our lives radically reoriented and reorganized by God. We need His guidance and enabling every minute of every day in every area of our lives. Ask God to give you the gift of dependence on Him.
All too often I’m the guy who’s described in Proverbs 18, verses two and thirteen. I’m the fool who “finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” and the shameful fool “who answers before listening.” I’ve had to learn the hard way that when I’ve been thrust into conversations with my kids where we don’t see eye-to-eye, it’s sometimes best to bite my tongue, shut my mouth, and open my ears. We have to remember that our kids are not yet adults. Therefore, we can expect a mix of developing and not-yet-there thinking ability tainted by immaturity, impulsivity, inconsistent logic, and a lack of the kind of wisdom that comes with age and experience. Speaking quickly to point out that they have no idea what they’re talking about, to tell them that they’re wrong, and to quickly pass on the right answer. . . well, all those approaches can actually stifle communication. Listen first. And when our kids know they’ve been heard and respected, they’ll be more prone to hear our carefully crafted and well-thought-out response.
When I was a boy and playing little league baseball with my dad as the coach, I accumulated many great memories. But there are some troubling memories as well. One of those memories that left a strong and lasting impression on me was a confrontation initiated with my dad by a parent who didn’t like the way my dad coached. In this case, my dad’s policy of giving everyone equal playing time didn’t sit well with this particular father. When I had kids of my own, I became a coach during a time when the number of screaming and complaining parents had increased. When my own son’s moved on to coaching, they experienced it at an even higher level of troubling intensity. As Christian parents, we need to exercise our competitive natures under the Lordship of Jesus Christ in ways that reflect good sportsmanship, Christian character, and a spirit of encouragement for our kids, their teammates, and their coaches. Are you a sports parent who endeavors to glorify God?
How often do you pray for the Kingdom to come in your kids’ lives? Most of us have memorized the Lord’s Prayer at some point in our lives. In our church, we recite that prayer each week in worship. Think about the part where we ask the Lord to send His Kingdom to come and His will to be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Have you ever thought about praying that prayer and asking God to send His Kingdom , His will, His way, His order, His priorities, and His way of living into the lives of your teenagers? That’s the kind of living they were made for. That’s the kind of living we need to hope for. It might sound a bit strange, but when our kids have been resistant to living under God’s Kingdom reign, we’ve prayed that they would be unsettled and even miserable until they choose to walk in His will and way again. And as God is at work doing what only God can do, our responsibility as parents is to both talk about God’s Kingdom, and to live out His Kingdom priorities in every area of our lives.
Parents, are you familiar with the term “sharenting”? Sharenting is defined as the overuse of social media by parents to share content featuring their children, such as baby pictures or details of their children’s activities. It is related to the concept of “too much information.” Because we are only a few years into living out our lives on the landscape of social media, we really don’t know what the full effect of oversharing information and pictures of our kids will be. One concern regards the legal issues. Law experts are saying that a parents’ right to free speech and self-expression is actually at odds with a child’s right to privacy when they are young and vulnerable. As children are growing older and moving onto the social media landscape themselves, they can resent all the information, photos, and disclosures made by their parents over the course of their young lives. Parents, we don’t need to show everyone everything. Most things are best enjoyed in the privacy of our face-to-face interactions.
Do you remember your first crush? I was thinking about my own middle school years when I recently heard a pop music star ruminate on how enjoyable those initial feelings of infatuation really are. For me, infatuation left me feeling like I had butterflies in my stomach. And even though I didn’t spend time talking to the object of my affections, I would catch a glimpse of her in the hallway and feel those emotions. Fortunately, getting older set me straight as I realized that those initial feelings of infatuation eventually wear off. Infatuation is not love. Rather, I learned that love is a decision and commitment that binds one to another, even when the positive feelings disappear. The Scriptures from Genesis to Revelation teach us that love is a commitment that might from time to time include some positive feelings. It’s no wonder that romance and commitment fizzle so quickly in today’s culture. What are you showing and telling kids about real love?
Today I want to offer you a common-sense reminder of our need to monitor and balance our kids use of the Internet. I’m still convinced that the Internet is a great place that’s opened up a world of education and social networking for our children and teens. But as we all know, it does have its dark side. One negative result of internet use is associated with overuse, which can lead to our kids getting hooked or addicted to the online world. Because the Internet is still relatively young, the jury is still out on what the long-term effects of too-much-internet time really are. But we do know that far too many kids are cutting themselves off from real-life family and friends as they escape into a virtual world. God has made us for relationships – real relationships. Be sure your kids aren’t running from the real world into the virtual world. Take preventive and corrective steps now to make sure your kids are truly connected.
Several years ago I met and chatted with Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and mom who is an expert on teenage sexuality. At the time, Meg had written extensively on teens and the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases. She had even been summoned by Congress to share her findings in congressional hearings. Dr. Meeker is now speaking on the dangers of teen sexuality, and is working to help parents understand that teen sex is linked to depression, precisely because kids don’t have the emotional maturity for physical relationships. In addition, she shares some stats on STD’s that are worth passing on to your kids. First, there are now thirty-five known STDs. In 1960 there were only two. While today’s teens make up one-third of the U.S. population, they carry fifty percent of STDs. And finally, one in four teens has an STD. Over eighty percent of those infections have no symptoms, meaning they go undetected. Parents, encourage your kids to honor God by waiting until marriage.
Sexting is a growing practice among teenagers that’s been facilitated by the use of smartphones and social media. It is defined as the exchange of sexual messages, photos, or videos. The practice is becoming more prevalent, with an estimated fifteen percent of adolescents sending sexual messages, and about twenty-five percent of adolescents receiving the messages. New research conducted to examine the potential risks have found a link between sexting and increased sexual behaviors as well as in increase in mental health risks among youth. In fact, adolescents who sext are more than three times more likely to have engaged in sexual activity. The Journal of the American Medical Association Pediatrics also found a doubled likelihood of anxiety or depression. Ultimately, we want our kids to experience God’s grand and glorious design for the gift of sexuality. Consequently, encourage your kids to embrace Godly online behaviors as a path to true freedom and flourishing.
Here at the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding we’ve been tracking trends related to online pornography exposure and teen sexual practices through our Digital Kids Initiative, and our Sexual Integrity Initiative. As a result, we’ve regularly issued warnings regarding the decreasing average age at which a child first finds or is found by online pornography. And, we’ve passed on research regarding how viewing pornography misshapes a person’s understanding of sexuality. . . leading them into attitudes and practices that deny God’s grand plan for the gift of sexuality. New research coming from the Netherlands reveals a trend that we believe is global. Two-thirds of Dutch nine to twelve year olds are regularly confronted with graphic sexual images online. Sometimes they have gone looking for the images. At other times, the pornographic images have just popped up on the screen. Parents, what are you doing to steer your kids away from sexual brokenness to wholeness in Christ?
Recently released research from the CDC offers more evidence that getting enough sleep not only leads to better mental and physical health, but to better educational outcomes for our children and teens. It seems that high school students who had the least amount of sleep were also reported to have the lowest grades. Those high school students who averaged eight point one hours of sleep a night scored mostly A’s, while those teens who averaged seven point three hours of sleep a night scored mostly C’s. Here at CPYU, we consistently remind parents that the motivation for better school performance should not be rooted in parental pride, living vicariously through our kids, or to see one’s self as better than one’s peers. Instead, our motivation to do our best should be rooted in seeing educational pursuits as an act of worship that will glorify God. Getting the right amount of sleep will not only facilitate our best, but it also serves as a way to steward the good gift of our bodies.
If you’re a parent who’s concerned about your teenager’s academic performance, here’s some advice from the folks at the National Center for Education Statistics regarding factors that fuel high engagement in academic pursuits. Kids are more engaged with their school work if they have a high level of interaction with their parents, if they eat dinner with their family, if they are involved in extracurricular activities, if they live in homes with rules related to TV viewing, and if they attend religious services at least once a month. While these are all worthwhile activities, we must remember that many kids who pursue academic success oftentimes do so for selfish reasons. Ultimately, our goal should be to instill a desire in our kids to work hard to the glory of God as a form of worship that gives God great pleasure. In fact, that should be the motivating factor behind all of our life pursuits. Teach your kids that the best way to worship God in their academics, is to pursue excellence to His glory, and not to the glory of self.
Today I want to talk to you about how my beliefs have changed over the years regarding high school graduates and higher education. When I graduated from high school, I lived in a culture where it was assumed that the next step for anyone who hoped to be responsible was to go immediately on to college, and then to graduate in four years. But a changing culture, economic realities, college debt, and a more clear understanding of work and calling have led me to a new understanding of what happens after high school. We no longer live in a one size fits all higher ed environment. I believe that far too many of our kids head straight off to college with no idea regarding their giftedness and calling. Parents, maybe we should require our kids to hold off from college enrollment. Pray with them regarding their giftedness and calling. Then, send them in the right direction, to the right place, at the right time in order to prepare them for a lifetime of service to God.
What will the kids you know and love see as the end or purpose of work? Why will they choose to pursue the job and career path they choose to pursue? Will their goals be economic in ways that make the old Loverboy song “Working For the Weekend” their personal anthem? Or will they push back on the empty promises and dead-end of what’s known as “The American Dream?” If we truly believe that the Gospel speaks to all of life and that Christian nurture leads to the integration of faith into our work, then we need to be pointing our kids to something better than what the culture is currently giving them. In a recent edition of First Things magazine, professor Max Torres writes about the Christian view of work: “The investment of the person into productive products is of transcendent, transformative importance, not just for the material progress of society, but most of all for the full realization of human potential.” We’ve been made to work to God’s glory.
With stress and anxiety off the charts among our children and teens, it’s important that we understand some of the more common causes so that we might focus on prevention in order to have to focus less on intervention and treatment. With studies showing that almost one in four kids will experience depression before they are nineteen, we need to know what experts are citing as some of the main causes. First, there’s the pressure to do well at school. Second, school exams are a cause for stress. Kids don’t want to fail or disappoint their parents. Third, there’s peer pressure. There is tremendous pressure to fit in. Fourth, there’s bullying, which has ramped up due to the 24/7 nature of cyber-bullying. Fifth, kids are feeling stress due to world events, including things like war and natural disasters. And finally, there are the stresses related to family difficulties, changes, and breakdown. Parents, be aware of these factors, and point your kids to Jesus and the peace that passes understanding.
Whenever I read history and encounter statistics on life expectancy rates here in the United States, I am surprised. If you go back to the year eighteen hundred, the average life expectancy was thirty-seven years. By nineteen hundred, that had increased to the age of forty-seven. And by the year two-thousand, life expectancy here in the U.S. had risen to seventy-seven. That’s certainly a testimony to things like better living conditions and improved healthcare. The number peaked at the age of seventy-nine just a handful of years ago, but it has been on the decline over the course of the last three years. Experts site deaths of despair as a contributing factor to this decline. This includes premature death due to drug overdoses, suicides, and health-related deaths caused by bad habits. We should ultimately be concerned for the spiritual health of our kids as they move through life, so that the hope of the Gospel does not lead them into despair. Instill the truths of Scripture in your kids.
What does your teenager do really, really well? What gifts and strengths have they been given by God? Is there a positive character trait that just shines? I want to encourage you today to see and celebrate your teen’s strengths.Do you remember your own middle school years? For most of us, it was brutal. Some things never change. Young peers can create, find, and point out all kinds of negative things in ways that are now sometimes defined as “bullying” or “harassment.” But if your home is a place of refuge from that craziness, you will be instilling a healthy sense of resiliency that can sustain your kids through the pressure. One way to do this is to take the opposite approach of their peers. . . who are all too quick to point out and celebrate deficiencies. Look for and encourage your teen to develop their God-given gifts and abilities. Complement them on their successes. One of the best ways to love and nurture our kids is to point out that which brings glory to God. They want and need your affirmation.
I recently read an article by journalist Terrell Clemmons in Salvo Magazine. The article reports on efforts to answer the destructive ongoing fallout of the sexual revolution with a counter-cultural sexual revolution that affirms, celebrates, and promotes the life-giving message of a biblical sexual ethic. Clemmons reports on the efforts of Jennifer Roback Morse and the Ruth Institute, and the organizations efforts to restore the narrative on marriage, family, and human sexuality that God wove into the creation at the very beginning. In the article, Clemmons shares these urgent marching orders to parents, youth workers, and anyone else who’s leading kids: “Every biting tentacle of the sexual revolution proceeds from the same defective root – the ripping of sex from its God-ordained context and purpose. And so, we must first speak and live according to sexual virtue.” Jesus has called us to a life of counter-cultural speaking, teaching, and living. What are you giving to your kids?
The Bible records several times where Jesus says that it’s out of the overflow of the heart that mouth speaks. What we say, reveals the condition of our hearts. And just as spoken words offer a window into one’s soul, so do the words and pictures that we post on social media. In today’s social media saturated world, one of the best ways to learn about our kids is to monitor what they are posting online. Many kids engage in a practice known as sadfishing. In case you’ve never heard of it, sadfishing is the act of making exaggerated claims about one’s emotional problems to generate sympathy. In many cases, these posts are an attempt to get attention. In other cases, kids who are struggling deeply are crying out for help. In all cases of sadfishing, we need to follow up what we see online with questions so that we might determine if the poster is truly hurting and in need of help, or simply looking for affirmation. Monitor your kids in an effort to help them navigate their teen years in healthy, God-honoring ways.
I recently had the opportunity to interview pediatrician and author Dr. Leonard Sax for an episode of our Youth Culture Matters podcast. Dr. Sax’s best-selling book is entitled The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups. In the book, Dr. Sax shares these timely and sobering words with parents about over-scheduling and cramming our kids’ lives full of activity: By cramming a child’s life full of activities, with little time for reflection, with no quiet time for a relaxed parent-child supper, parents send an unintended message. That message is this: what you do is more important that who you are. As I’ve thought about Dr. Sax’s words and the great dangers he points out, I got to thinking about where we push our kids to find their identity. Our identities and their identities are not to be found in activities and achievements. Rather, our identity must be found in who we are in Christ. Parents, where are you pointing your kids?
The famous theologian, Augustine, once said this: “This is the authentic happy life, to set one’s joy in you, grounded in you and caused by you.” After many years of wandering and struggle as a young man, God took hold of Augustine’s heart and called Augustine to Himself. It wasn’t long after that Augustine took to writing the volume that we know as his Confessions. This quote is one of the ancient gems we should be sharing with our kids. You see, in today’s world, our kids are led to believe that one’s joy can only be found in being true to one’s self. Authenticity and loyalty to self are the highest value in life. But sadly, this is not the path to joy. The writer of Proverbs says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Parents, you have been called by God to lead your children onto the path to life. If you don’t lead them into finding their joy in Jesus Christ, they will most likely believe the culture’s lies.
As a child of the 60s and 70s, I remember back to the kinds of required activities we used to do in our gym classes that my kids and today’s generation have missed out on. Long gone are the days of trampolines, gymnastic apparatus, and climbing ropes to the top of the gymnasium rafters. I’m sure that insurance concerns were at work during their demise. Today, I’ve even heard parents lament over the fact that their kids aren’t even required to engage in physical education class activities where they break a sweat. Add to this the demise in outside play and a more sedentary screen-watching lifestyle, and our kids are not getting the kind of physical activity needed for healthy growth and development. Recent research from the World Health Organization indicates that globally, eighty-one percent of kids ages eleven to seventeen are not getting the recommended one-hour of moderate to vigorous activity that’s needed to facilitate physical health. Are your kids exercising their God-given bodies?
The Spirit of our current times tells us and our kids that we are to look out for number one. Our greatest goal should be to care for me, myself, and I. Author Nancy Guthrie corrects this deadly error with these words of truth: “God on the throne. The centerpiece of heaven, the focal point of this universe is God ruling and reigning, surrounded by a sea of glass that perfectly mirrors His glory back to Him. Our modern western culture suggests that to love a child is to tell her that she is special and unique, and that everything she does is wonderful. We're not supposed to throw away her artwork. She gets a ribbon for participating. This could easily give our child the impression that the world revolves around her. But that simply isn't true. Our children are cherished members of our family, but they're not the center. . . The Biblical Gospel is that while God's love overflows for His people, we were made for Him. God is at the center of the universe - not us, and not our children."