the Henny Flynn podcast: Recent Episodes

Henny Flynn

Deepening self-awareness with self-compassion. Exploring how positive psychology, neuroscience & mindfulness help us make & manage deep & lasting change.

Send me your reflections ♡

This episode is about the paradox of embracing detachment (I love a paradox!)

Join me on a reflective journey exploring the transformative practices of detachment and self-compassion. I'll share what inspired this episode, diving into the intentional act of releasing - creating meaningful space around our behaviours and beliefs. And we'll touch on how moving away from a fear-based mindset and embracing flow and surrender can lead to healthier, more fulfilling ways of living.

With loving detachment, we can let go of our relentless need to control, extending this practice to both external situations and our inner world.

This active state of awareness invites us to address what genuinely needs our attention without falling into automatic, triggered responses. It's about embracing life’s moments without judgment or force. I close with a heartfelt message, sending you a virtual hug and wave.

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Send me your reflections ♡

How can music change the way we think, feel and heal?

Meet Kathy Harmon-Luber, the author of "Suffering to Thriving: Your Toolkit for Navigating Your Healing Journey," who joins me this week to share her story of overcoming serious health challenges through the power of sound healing.

In our conversation, we unravel the ancient wisdom and modern science behind sound’s impact on emotional and physiological well-being. From personal anecdotes to professional insights, we explore the profound role sound and music play in cultivating self-compassion, emotional stability, and overall healing.

How sound healing is making a resurgence in modern medicine, finding its place in hospitals and nursing homes in the States.
The therapeutic effects of various musical genres, vocal yoga, and the intuitive joy of musical expression.
Kathy shares some compelling research along the way, from organisations like UCLA, which opens up how these practices could play a role in reducing stress and inflammation.
Personal stories of how sound has helped overcome physical and emotional barriers, illustrating the remarkable benefits of integrating sound into daily life.
Finally, we explore the future of sound healing through the lens of innovative medical treatments and pioneering professionals like Dr. Mitchell Gaynor.

Our episode includes a special offering for listeners—a short course on healing the heart chakra, complete with a sound bath designed to open this vital energy point.

This episode is a celebration of Kathy’s journey from suffering to thriving and a testament to the incredible healing potential of sound and music - a journey of transformation and renewal.

CONNECT
You can find out more about Kathy, her FREE heart chakra offering, the Yoga Magazine article on sound, and her book here: www.SufferingToThriving.com
For Kathy's free heart chakra and sound bath offering, you can find out more here: https://healingartshealthandwellness.aweb.page/p/bfd182f7-b456-4ce8-b743-f21fcbd630d8

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Send me your reflections ♡

Today I'm speaking with the sculptor, ceramicist, artist Paul Smith.

I first came across his work many years ago and have always been struck by the powerful quality of compassion that, for me, sits within the pieces he creates.

Since then I've (joyfully) brought two of his pieces into my home - you'll hear more about what they represent to me... and how Paul keeps his own interpretation of his work open, so each person finds their own story within them.

It was a joy to speak with Paul and I'm delighted he accepted my invitation to join us here.

In our conversation, we explore the profound interplay between compassion, creativity, and masculinity. We touch on how true human connections, such as heartfelt hugs, are mirrored in creative works and the concept of gestalt, where intertwined figures symbolise both unity and individuality. And Paul shares his insights on the importance of compassion in our relationship with the natural world and the critical need to protect keystone species. His reflections highlight how creativity can foster a closer connection with our environment - as well as with our own emotional landscape. Toward the end of the episode, we come to understand this conversation is really about balance: balance in the beautiful work Paul shares, the importance of balance in nature and how we create balance across the different aspects in our inner and outer lives.

I loved speaking with Paul. I hope you enjoy listening.

MEET PAUL & see more of his work:
INSTAGRAM: @paulsmithsculptures

www.paulsmithsculptures.co.uk

REFERENCES:
Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, by American psychoanalyst Clarissa Pinkola Estés (My enormous apologies for getting her name wrong in the episode!)

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How do we navigate the stormy seas of grief while keeping our creative spark alive?

In this deeply personal episode, I open up about the emotional toll of grief and how it's impacted my ability to produce consistent podcast episodes this season. You'll hear about a fully recorded session that I ended up deleting, and how, with Anton's wise guidance, I've seen that speaking about how creativity can diminish in grief, is part of rekindling creativity.

From personal experiences like the loss of loved ones or navigating significant changes, we explore how activities like journaling can provide emotional relief and support. We discuss the concept of "transitional work," emphasising the importance of letting go of expectations and allowing our creativity to serve as a healing process.

Drawing wisdom from a grieving artist and a poignant Chinese proverb, we highlight the necessity of self-compassion and the role of various creative outlets—whether it's painting, music, or gardening—in holding sorrow so it doesn't overwhelm us.

Finally, I touch on the joy and inner wisdom that can be found in Flow Journaling, and an invitation to explore my book, "In the Flow" - and see how it can enhance your journaling practice and connection to your inner self.

BOOK: In the Flow - journal your creative wisdom

https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/bookshop

RESOURCES

https://www.insightcreativecoaching.com/blog-1/2023/11/10/art-and-grief#:~:text=Experiencing%20a%20significant%20loss%20or,for%20a%20period%20of%20time.

https://www.headspace.com/articles/grief-creativity-together

POEM

Memory is a strange bird doling out the world in

shards—
the stuff we are made of.

I am the keeper, now, I hold them all.

Tonight as I write I become conjurer—

When I open my hands: A thousand sparrows

Jessica Moore, Everything, Now.

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Imagine navigating the challenges of menopause while excelling in your career—could a compassionate workplace make all the difference? Join us as we sit down with Pamela Windle, a passionate women's health coach who sheds light on the transformative power of empathy in corporate environments. Pamela shares her journey from confronting her health struggles in 2012 to becoming an integrated women's health coach by 2015, offering a deeply personal perspective on the importance of understanding and supporting women through all life stages in professional settings.

Pamela opens up about the misunderstandings and lack of education surrounding menopause, particularly in the workplace. She recounts her own experiences with chronic fatigue and job loss, emphasising the need for a more holistic approach to women's health. Through her narrative, we explore the steps organisations can take to create a supportive atmosphere for all employees, touching on critical aspects like self-compassion, gratitude, and the identification of root causes. Pamela's insights are a call to action for leaders to reassess and improve their current practices, creating a more inclusive and nurturing work environment.

We also tackle the unique challenges that black women face in the workplace, especially around health conditions like fibroids and autoimmune diseases. Pamela discusses the impact of societal stereotypes and the importance of cultural sensitivity and comprehensive workplace guidance. Through the powerful metaphor of a Jenga tower, we illustrate how life stressors disrupt women's hormonal balance and overall well-being. Concluding with Pamela's empowering "Phoenix Rising" narrative, this episode is a celebration of resilience and the beauty of rewriting one's life story, offering a refreshing perspective on aging and transformation.

CONNECT WITH PAMELA
Pamela Windle https://www.smarterchange.co.uk/

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Today's offering is something different - a mindful meditation; an invitation to explore the concept of 'releasing what binds you' from a physical, mental and emotional place of rest and relaxation.

There are no demands here. Simply the act of listening and following my voice. Seeing how it feels to let go of all tension, to fully rest in the present moment.

You'll hear I mention this is a piece I wrote as a stepping stone into a Flow Journaling practice. If you'd like to journal after listening, you could use the prompt: As I pick up my pen I am noticing... and see what flows from there.This is the first prompt from my book, In the Flow, and is a wonderful place to start - and to return to - in your journaling practice.

Henny x

In the Flow - journal your inner wisdom - available from all major bookstores

If you're driving, wait until you are somewhere you can stop, close your eyes and get completely comfortable.

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A different episode today.
I turned to my journal to see what it could share with me. And found that perhaps it is something that may resonate with you, too.
With love, wherever you are on your journey.

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What does burnout look like? How do we know when it's on our horizon? How can we find our way through it?

This conversation with Dr. Danielle De La Mare was inspiring, informative and full of inner wisdom.

The founder of Self-Compassionate Professor, Danielle focuses on healing academics’ relationship to work, helping them to clear mental and emotional clutter, make space for their own needs and wants, and find the clarity to make sound and meaningful career decisions grounded in wellness.

We talk about:

The journey we can unwittingly take into burnout
Our relationships with loved ones and colleagues when we're on the brink - and when we're moving through burnout
The impact of ill-health - and recovery from illness - on the burnout experience
How imposter complex can play a part in the journey toward and experience of burnout
The specific challenges of working within higher education and academia
Strategies for coping with these issues, including self-compassion, mindfulness, and finding balance in work and life
The vital need for self-care, boundaries, and prioritising well-being
The importance of empathy and understanding towards individuals struggling with burnout and imposter syndrome
Practical tips for cultivating mindfulness and trust in career wellness

CONNECT

Find out more about Danielle's powerful (and beautiful) compassion-based work here https://danielledelamare.com/

REFERENCES

In the Flow - journal your inner wisdom Buy it from any bookshop or get it direct from my publisher Inner Work Project

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A GENTLE NOTE OF GUIDANCE: Early on in this episode (around 7 mins in), Katy shares a difficult story from her childhood that some listeners may find challenging to listen to.

Katy Theakston and I first spoke on this topic sharing a stage at Wellbeing by the Lakes in 2023.

We'd never met before, but we trusted we were safe in each other's hands. And, of course, so we were. At the end of the talk, our audience spontaneously asked for a group hug. For me it shows the power and deep personal connection we ALL have to this topic.

I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed speaking with Katy. A beautiful woman with a wonderful mission - find out more about her and the work she does to create powerful women's circles and retreats: https://owlapothecary.com/

Henny x

'Mostly what I have learned so far about aging, despite the creakiness of one’s bones and cragginess of one’s once-silken skin, is this: Do it. By all means, do it.'
MAYA ANGELOU

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I'm very mindful I've named this episode at risk of making it sound like Ibiza is an illusion. Which, of course, it's patently not! It's a beautiful island that's home to very real people. So... this is more of a metaphor about beauty and perfection, and the role of reality in and amongst it. Ibiza, because of my own wonderful experiences there, just happens to be my idealised concept of what perfection feels like. Your's may well be somewhere else.

I asked AI to give me a summary of the episode (gosh, now there's another topic for a podcast) and this is what it said:

Henny Flynn discusses the 'Ibiza illusion' in wellness retreats, where individuals often feel pressure to present a perfect image. She argues that embracing imperfections and vulnerability can lead to a deeper connection with oneself and others. Flynn encourages listeners to reflect on the true purpose of wellness retreats and how they can be designed to be more inclusive and beneficial for all individuals. By making room for emotions and practicing everyday compassion, we can cultivate a more authentic and meaningful connection with ourselves and the world around us.

Slightly scarily, I think it's captured it.

I'd love to hear what you think. This is one of the (many!) episodes I feel vulnerable about sharing, so I know there's something in it that means something (to me, at least). Maybe it resonates with you too.

With love
Henny x

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Today I'm in conversation with Dr Nolan Beise. We're discussing the potential of advanced neurotechnology to improve brain health and well-being.

Yes. That. It's a big topic. And a wonderful episode to close this season.

You'll hear that Nolan weaves the science with profound compassion, beginning with his reflections on how his younger self struggled to navigate the world.

He shares powerful statistics, research and evidence on the way our brains work - and how so many of us are not (yet) optimising the full capacity of our brain function.

We discuss...

The importance of understanding brain function to prevent brain health issues
Our shared personal experiences with burnout
The technology Nolan has developed to help people understand their brains better
The intersections of personal growth, mindfulness, compassion and wisdom in how we maximise our opportunity for supporting a healthy brain
The importance of rest, self-knowledge and supporting oneself and others in developing our brain health

If you're curious about how your brain works, and how you could improve your brain health... have a listen.

There is a short period where the signal between the UK and Canada went a little wobbly - rather than edit it out, I've chosen to keep it in as I think what Nolan was sharing was important. Hopefully it won't disrupt you too much as you listen.

To connect with Nolan & find out more about the Circl headset and app...
https://www.linkedin.com/in/nolanbeise/
https://circlbrain.com/

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This is an episode packed with powerful stats, fascinating research and - most importantly - hope.

My guest is Amelia Miller. A psychologist and the co-founder of ivee.jobs. Together with her sister Lydia, they have developed an innovative job platform dedicated to providing free resources and support for women returning to work.

As you listen to the evidence and human stories, you'll understand why I was so excited to have Amelia on the show.

Alongside painting us a powerful picture of Ivee's mission, Amelia debunks some of the myths of the gender pay gap and also shares her personal experience - watching their mother struggle with her own return to work.

We discussed the challenges women face when returning to work after a career break, including lack of confidence and difficulty navigating the job market. And Amelia shared the solutions they have developed, such as prioritising the woman's journey back to work and providing practical support.

Amelia closes with an open invitation to any woman who wants to find out more. Whether you're returning to work, on a career break or already in the workplace... you'll be welcome. https://ivee.jobs/

Summary

Gender pay gap myths and debunking misconceptions.
The return to work challenges for women.
Gender bias in job applications and how to address it.
The impact of motherhood and being a carer on women's earnings.
Empowering women, focusing on skills recognition and community support.
The importance of community for networking and job opportunities.
The impact of menopause on the issues.
Many of the same challenges affect men when they take career breaks too.
The impact of the Flexible Working Act.
The range of options around flexible work arrangements and resources.

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Today's episode is a personal reflection on an unexpected happening last weekend.

I ended up having to have an emergency medical procedure at the weekend - it all sounds very dramatic and in the moment definitely felt that way. I am ok - 100% ok. But, as is the way with these things I've also seen that embedded within it there is much richness for reflection!

Some key themes came up for me.

How old stories can become activated when we're facing into difficult things
How easy it can be to muddle resilience with foolhardiness
What it means to respond mindfully, kindfully to pain and acknowledge our need for rest
The critical value of self-awareness - both IN the moment and ABOUT the moment
Gratitude for what is - and for remembering how things were

This is a short one. A canter through some thoughts. I'd love to know what it sparks for you.

Sending so much love, for whatever is showing up in your life.

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Today we're back with Kate Adams, founder of Inner Work Project and the publisher of In the Flow - journal your inner wisdom, my brand new book (toot toot).

We have turned the tables and Kate is interviewing me...

Our conversation begins with a personal reflection from Kate, that grounds our conversation in real life. And beautifully illustrates how journaling can be one of the most powerful tools to support us when things in life feel challenging.

We cover...

What led to my own journaling practice, and the changes it helped me make
How journaling helps us reconnect with the deeper, inner wiser part of me - enabling us to really SEE ourselves
Ways we can learn to meet ourselves where we are, without judgement, allowing for whatever emerges - often with surprising moments of insight
Things that can get in the way of journaling - and what can help us get started, or restarted
The compassionate, practical guidance and inspirational journaling prompts that flow through the book

This was a rich and nourishing conversation. I found it fascinating to have my own ideas opened up in this way and I hope it feels useful for you too, in your own journaling practice.

To order your own copy of In the Flow (pub. 30.05.24)
http://innerworkproject.com/product/in-the-flow/

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My good friend Susan McCulley is back on the show. And this time we're talking about the tough stuff.

Author, somatic movement coach and artist, Susan brings a breadth and depth of wisdom, knowledge and personal experience to every conversation and this episode is no exception.

We look at the topic of Tough Stuff from many perspectives.

Exploring the importance of going gently with ourselves when things FEEL hard - and the importance of facing into and taking action to navigate the things that are hard to DO. Some of the areas we cover include:

Not just about the DOINGNESS but also the BEINGWITHNESS
Understanding our capacity is vital to how we care for ourselves in the face of tough things
Being persistent, learning, and feeling good about yourself are all affected by a crucial neurological mechanism responsible for cultivating qualities of tenacity and willpower
Doing effortful things is GOOD for you - but we also need BALANCE
How making small changes can lead to big results

We finish with Susan's beautiful enquiry: 'How can I make more space for what's needed right now?'

CONNECT WITH SUSAN
For movement, books & art https://www.susanmcculley.com/
For women over 50 https://www.susanmcculley.com/women-over-50

REFERENCES
Dr Andrew Huberman - the 'source' of the will to live
Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Successful People
James Clear - Atomic Habits

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Today we’re exploring Patience.

It arose as a topic out of a random selection of a page from an old journal. As I dived into the idea, it expanded for me. Perhaps these reflections will support you, in some way, too.

This is an invitation to explore how Patience feels for you, the thoughts and beliefs you have about it, the stories you may be carrying that inform it.

Some of the ideas that arose were:

The use of Angel Cards as journal prompts
The 3 types of Patience, researched by Dr. Sarah Schnitker, Associate Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience
Fixed and growth mindsets in how we see our own relationship to Patience (and the work of Carol Dweck)
How Patience sits in the centre point between passivity and recklessness - and how it can be seen to support our emotional regulation
Modern attitudes to patience versus our ancient, shared, cultural heritage of what Patience is and how it can serve us

I close with the poem, Patience, by Emily Dickinson

Patience – has a quiet Outer –

Patience – Look within –

Is an Insect’s futile forces

Infinites – between –

‘Scaping one – against the other

Fruitlesser to fling –

Patience – is the Smile’s exertion

Through the quivering –

REFERENCES

John O'Donohue - poem FLUENT
Dr. Sarah Schnitker - research in Patience
Carol Dweck - research in fixed & growth mindsets
Thich Naht Hanh - we are all the traffic

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My guest today is the optimistic and courageous Jo Moseley. Water lover, stand-up paddle boarder (SUP), author of a bestselling book and creator of an award winning tiny film.

I love the double meaning in today's title, because I see that through her adventures, Jo really has stood-up for herself, and for all women in mid-life. She embodies the joy of adventure, solo travel and ageing well.

We talk of experiences that were deeply challenging in her past and how in 2016, she first stepped onto a paddleboard. And then proceeded to paddleboard 162 miles coast to coast across Britain. She wrote her first book at 57 and now, on the tipping point of 60, is about to publish her second.

She's a gorgeous soul who shares her story with compassion and courage. We speak of:

Courage and fresh starts
Things that can get in the way of adventure
What can help us access our inner resources
The role of (self) compassion in navigating life
Ageing with a fresh perspective

I also share the poem, Fluent, by John O'Donoghue - it feels resonant here.
I would love to live
Like a river flows
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding

This episode has a transcript.

To connect with Jo https://www.jomoseley.com/ or Instagram @jomoseley

REFERENCES

Amy Cuddy TED talk - Jo references this as part of what helps her access her courage - it's a talk I've mentioned before on the podcast and highly recommended
Stand-up Paddleboarding in Great Britain: Beautiful places to paddleboard in England, Scotland & Wales by Jo Moseley
Stand-up Paddleboarding in the Lake District: Beautiful places to paddleboard in Cumbria by Jo Moseley

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We’re hardwired to respond to stories. Before the written word, stories were how humans passed down critical information - Bullet points and facts don’t stick around as long. Stories provide us with a way to make sense of the world and neuroscience now shows us how the brain encodes memories in terms of narrative.

But.

Sometimes the stories we’ve picked up along the way of our life might no longer serve us. This episode explores the opportunity we may have to rewrite our narrative.

It touches on...

We all learn & gather stories, beginning in early childhood - from our families, our culture, our community
Jung’s interest in fairytales and how they can shine a light into our life experience
Some of the stories we carry might actually belong to others
The 3 steps we can explore to take control of the narrative
Exploring how we can transform and rewrite the stories we hold

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Today, I’d like to talk about Inner Change, and how - at its heart - it's about returning to Self.

This was a surprisingly emotive topic for me. You’ll hear there’s a moment I need to gather myself before continuing - proof (if I needed it) of the significance and importance of connecting deeply and compassionately with ourselves.

Some of the things I cover, include:

The importance of reflecting on how far we have travelled
How taking off my rose-tinted spectacles was part of my own change journey
That change goes beyond resolutions and goals
The difference between Will Power and Way Power (part of Motivational Theory)
The fundamental truth that caring deeply for your Self is part of caring deeply for the world and the people around you

I also share a piece of writing I originally wrote on Instagram, and it felt useful to include it here...
I’ve been noisier than usual recently. Sharing poems, thoughts, things about myself. It’s surprising me but I’m going with it. Something is drawing me to speak. And maybe it’s you I’m speaking to? Maybe you’re feeling like you want to be heard? Maybe something within you is asking to be seen? Maybe you sense an awakening of a long dormant part? Maybe… maybe you’d like to talk? Maybe it’s time? Maybe you’ve been wondering about this for a while? Maybe it’s a new surgence within? Maybe you’ve been doing the Work for a while and want to see what to do with what you’ve found? Maybe this change you feel rising feels overwhelming at times? Maybe you’re seeking a guide. Maybe having someone walking beside you a while would feel like comfort and courage combined. If a yes arises to one or more, then maybe you are why I’m here right now, asking all these maybes. Maybe this is the moment to reach in? With love* ❤️

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In ancient Sanskrit, mandala means “circle.”

Gradually working outward from the central first dot, the creator builds an intricate and beautiful design. And then, the whole thing is wiped clean. They’re ephemeral by nature.

Today I’d like to explore how the principles inherent within Mandalas could support us; and dip into what I’m calling: the Mandala Mindset.

Along the way, we'll be looking at:

How Mandalas represent the ephemeral nature of all things
The full version of the famous Marcus Aurelius quote that led to our modern usage of the adage: “live each day as if it were your last.”
What it could mean to be aware of our own mortality
How learning somethng new can help us connect with the Mandala Mindset
Pema Chödrön’s observation that “Each person’s life is like a mandala”

“Everything that shows up in your mandala is a vehicle for your awakening. From this point of view awakening is right at your fingertips continually.” Pema Chödrön

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My guest today is the publisher Kate Adams.

Kate has published many books you’d recognise, including You Are What You Eat by Gillian McKeith, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and Live Well Every Day by Dr Alex George. After working at Random House and then Penguin, she launched the Aster imprint for Octopus Books. Her experience has informed her deep curiosity about her own inner work - and has inspired the creation of the Inner Work Project.

This is a wonderful expansive conversation that covers so many things - all enriching. I felt deeply calm after chatting with Kate. She has a wonderful energy that speaks to her curiosity and independent thinking.

I think you’ll enjoy meeting her too!

Some of the things we discussed include…

The books & writers that can prompt us to start our journey on the inner work
How our age and Lifestage can inform where we place our attention
The power of letting the wild mother in (and releasing our need to be ‘good’)
One of my favourite quotes: "Beware the man of one book"
How we can reach outside ourselves for the answers - when they really sit within
The importance of purpose as we craft the life we are creating

Lastly, there was a phrase that came to me as we spoke. Grasp the nettle and make tea. At the time it felt important. Maybe it speaks to you too.

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Moving into a new year, a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new mindset we can feel as though the old is falling away. In truth, we might find we're seeking this 'letting go', this 'falling away' - insisting even, that we no longer carry the old stories, beliefs, experiences and only see the new.

And yet.

I’m not sure that’s ever truly so. Though things may transmute, change, adapt. Do they ever completely disappear?

Today we explore this idea of how we make room for the new. Some thoughts that appear are:

The idea that there is no ‘away’ - materially or metaphorically
With change we sometimes forget we also carry the past with us
When we mindfully, kindfully pay attention to what was, we can create the space for what will be
Change seems to me to be more about revelation, rather than transformation
Part of our new this year could be learning to see the glimmers

This is an explorative, expansive, reflective episode… spoken from the heart, the hara (though every now and again my head does seem to insist on getting involved).

If you love this kind of reflection, I'd love to hear your own meandering thoughts on where it takes you.

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The root of this episode was inspired by a young man I met this summer.

You'll hear the story that prompted today's question: how are you answering the call?

This isn't the first time someone has posed this question - you'll hear I share some of their words too. Yet, I feel it bears repeating.

And while I recognise it may seem particularly pertinent at this time of year, I see it as a universal, eternal question. Something, perhaps, we can all continue to ask.

Thoughts that arise are:

The words of Mary Oliver’s timeless poem, The Summer Day
Seneca, Eckhart and Confucius on the shortness of life
This can be a beautiful time to reflect on what was, to see what is, to look ahead to what will be
That we may not know the answer to the question, and that’s ok - the importance is we keep listening in for the call
The choices we have about how we envision the now we are creating

And we close with the same tender, compassionate, curious enquiry: how are you answering the call?

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It’s no accident that this episode falls on the day before Christmas. A day when many - though by no means all - of us, come together to give and receive.

We all recognise there can be complexity in these kinds of festivities.

But sometimes it can be useful to break down a single aspect of what’s entangled within the complexity and see how we can shine the light of awareness to help create a shift.

So, today we’re exploring the art of generously receiving, through the 3 As: Acknowledging, Allowing, Accepting.This is a multi-level concept. I believe it applies whether we're being offered something from the universe, nature, others or our own wisest inner self. We see...

There are many things that can get in the way of receiving
When we acknowledge something we help bring it into existence
A willingness to be vulnerable means we allow the safe passage of the thing we are being offered
Accepting the thing exactly as it is - without judgement - is not the same as losing our boundaries
Maybe the most generous gift we can give is to learn how to receive generously ourselves

I'm aware there is complexity within this exploration too, so the invitation is simply to see what you receive as you listen.

RESOURCES

Karen Mead article: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/learning-to-receive-5-steps-to-opening-up/
Tara Brach RAIN: https://youtu.be/W8e_tAEM80k?si=acft-69cYqr590Qm
William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice, Act IV, Scene I

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I was sitting by a loch on the Isle of Mull, writing these words. When I looked up I saw a school of dolphin in front of me, and above me... a sea eagle.

It felt pretty profound! And seemed to give the words I'd written a certain potency.

I'm sharing them here.

10 thoughts on compassionate wisdom and a concept I'm calling inner activism. Here's some of what I cover:

None of us know all the answers, and the wisest amongst us may say they know nothing at all
When we step back and see we are part of something larger than ourselves, we see the weight of the world is not all on our shoulders
There is a way of being that seeks the wisdom path, with compassion
We are the pebble in the centre of our own pond, creating the ripples
It is in the spaces between the noise that our wisest self can be heard

This is an expansive, explorative, experimental episode. I enjoyed sharing these thoughts - hope you enjoy listening. And I'd love to hear what resonated with you.

Henny x

WINTER INTO SPRING RETREAT 2024
Feb 19-23 - Herefordshire, UK - only a few places remaining. If you want to know more... https://hennyflynn.ck.page/6a839471c2

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Sometimes, when we are so activated by what we’re experiencing in our inner world, our only place of control can feel like it’s to stay as we are. Even though we also know on a deep level that what will most serve us is to move, to change, to shift, to grow in some way.

So today we’re talking about stuckness. And how we can create some movement within.

It’s a familiar feeling for so many of us - whether from the past or something we’re feeling right now.

Some of the points I cover are:

Overwhelm can often come from too many choices
When we’re activated, our whole system fires up to avoid further risk
Self-compassion is turning toward ourselves with the desire to see our own suffering and help in some way
Different somatic expressions of the internal state of stuckness, and a technique to attend to this
To feel fully safe with others, it can be vital to feel safe with ourselves first

Finally, I close with the reflection that every time you do something kind for yourself, you're creating a shift. Notice those moments, they may add up to something you haven’t fully yet recognised.

With love.

RESOURCES
JOURNALING QUEST for Self-Compassion - free mini-course: https://hennyflynn.ck.page/c852854559

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Leonard Cohen once wrote 'so much of the world is plunged in darkness and chaos… So ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.'

Today we're exploring light. Real and metaphorical. We look at:

How vital light is for our well-being - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual
The work of Polyvagal theorists, Stephen Porges and Deb Dan
How glimmers, tiny moments of joy, are the powerful opposite of triggers and help us let the light in
The nueroplasticity of the brain and our ability to support ourselves as we re-establish homeostasis
A poem from My darling girl vol. 1 that I now understand was all about glimmers

When we care for our whole being - body, mind, spirit - when we let the light in - then we are better able to live well, and to care with compassion for the world around us, and the people around us too.

Learning our own glimmers, learning how we (as individuals) can let the light in. This is part of the Work.

RESOURCES
Stephen Porges - The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe
Deb Dan - The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

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The Buddhist teacher thicht nacht hahn tells us how when we look at the tops of trees in a storm, they are wild and look like they might fall. But when we lower our gaze, we see their trunks are standing steady.

This reflection felt so perfect when I read it after completing the practice I'd like to share with you today, a practice that introduced me to a piece of wisdom I hadn't been expecting to receive. I share:

An ancient and very simple re-grounding practice, to use whenever you feel disconnected or lost in the noise and challenges of the world
My own personal experience of using this practice, and how it feels to listen deeply to your inner wisest self as you connect with nature
How while being able to move with the flow is important, sometimes it is also important to hold ourselves steady and trust what we know to be the deepest truth

You may wish to also explore Wisdom from Within, a fully guided, online teaching to support you in deepening your connection with your own inner wisdom.
https://hennyflynn.ck.page/9ca85eeaaf

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How many times have you felt disappointed or surprised that something hasn’t gone quite as you expected?

Or found yourself feeling faintly uncomfortable at how something was unfolding- perhaps not quite knowing what you’re feeling or why you’re feeling it?

As humans we all make assumptions all the time - they're useful things, designed to keep us safe.

But the challenge is that our assumptions can be misguided at times.

Today we're looking at Great (or not so great) Expectations:

How we can find ourselves assuming something is going to go really well, and end up downhearted. Or we assume it will go really badly and tie ourself up in knots before the thing happens.
How finding the balance between positive anticipation and unhelpful assumptions can be tricky - especially as we’re not always aware of the assumptions we’re creating.
And I share an ImageWork practice that can help us create and maintain a mindful awareness of what we're facing into - where we vision the day (or event) ahead, seeing what our imagination can show us about the assumptions we might be making

**I'm also offering this practice as a LIVE online event

Vision The Day:** Thursday 7 December 7-9pm BST

Find out more and book your tickets through Eventbrite or see the information on my website - tickets are going fast!
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/vision-the-day-tickets-754474251797?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

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In his writings ‘No Mud, No lotus’, the great Buddhist thinker, Thich Nhat Hanh says:

"Suffering and happiness are not separate"

Every generation faces its challenges, just as every human being faces theirs. This is a universal theme that is feeling particularly resonant right now. And so, today we’re going to be exploring what it means to make space for the joy and the pain.

I explore how depending on our conditioning we may lean more toward one than the other. Perhaps suppressing our pain or our joy out of fear or shame.
As children we make sense of an adult world, using the only resources we have. The challenge is that as we mature we carry the same strategy with us and keep deploying it.
The grandmothers of the Hacaritama tradition in Columbia tell us how to balance the spirit of Ecua - the spirit of pain - by welcoming in our happiness.

Keep listening at the end for a bonus extra where I also share a reading from My darling girl vol.2.

RESOURCE
Thich Naht Hahn article https://www.parallax.org/mindfulnessbell/article/no-mud-no-lotus-2/

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"Our body and mind have the capacity to heal themselves if we allow them to rest. Stopping, calming, and resting are preconditions for healing."
thich nhat hanh

Rest is a theme we often return to here.

How we can often feel we 'should' just battle through - we don’t need to rest. But, for me, my sense is that this is really the Ego talking.

We’re denying the basic human biology that without rest we cannot heal, we cannot be well - whether that’s physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

Today I share some personal reflections, scraps of research and important fundamentals. I'd love to hear how it all resonates with you.

See you in season 12!

To get notified first of when the new episodes air, join the mailing list - and receive a free Yoga Nidra - one of the practices I mention in the episode that can help give us the rest that is so vital for our well-being https://hennyflynn.ck.page/ebfd053a9b

RESOURCESInsightTimer meditations https://insighttimer.com/hennyflynn

Online & inperson events for the last few months of 2023 https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/gatherings

Helping people change, coaching with compassion (caveat - I loved some aspects of this book & not others!): https://uk.bookshop.org/a/8926/9781633696563

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My guest today is the wonderful Susan McCulley - always a joy to welcome her back to the podcast.

During the show, she shares a line from a song: "To question is to grow". This feels like a beautiful summation of where our conversation took us.

We explore the impact of the phrase 'Because I said so', going deep and wide. Taking time to understand the essence of the meaningwe may have been interpreting from what we've heard from authority figures in our life - whether or not they used this specific phrase. And how it may have influenced us - in our inner & outer life.

We discuss...

What can sit behind the use of this phrase / the core message within it
The importance of our interoception and how we listen to and discern the cues and signals in our own bodies
How the phrase is designed to shut down - and the impact that can have on critical thinking & how we trust our own feelings and judgement
The binary thinking / behaviour it can engender - perhaps instilling a belief that there's right or wrong and nothing in between
Ways we can challenge the inner (and outer) voices mindfully

We close with a quote from Lady Gaga:

"The reason I don't want anyone to control me is not because I want to be in control. I don't want anyone to control me because I don't want anyone to control anyone".Well said.My final reflections on our conversation were that fundamentally, this is about being able to distinguish legitimate authority from authoritarianism. And remembering these messages are not necessarily passed on because of a conscious desire to control or limit others. Rather they can be an internal narrative that’s been passed down through the generational or systemic line.

Our role then, as we reshape the patterns of our life is to embrace being empowered and love our sense of agency - unlearning what we may have (unwittingly) been taught by (loving) caregivers or authority figures.

RESOURCES / REFERENCES
A great article on interoception from the New Yorker:
https://www.newyorker.com/science/elements/the-paradox-of-listening-to-our-bodies?utm_source=pocket_mylist

Our episode from season 6 on Balance:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s6e9-balance-is-a-verb-not-a-noun-with-susan-mcculley/id1516813304?i=1000553787450

A recent blog post from Susan that further explores the importance of interoception
https://www.susanmcculley.com/blog-posts/interoception-adventure

CONNECT WITH SUSAN
Susan Jane McCulley: Nourishing Mindful Movement Leader/ Artist / Writer

susanmcculley.com

https://www.facebook.com/groups/411723369813607
www.instagram.com/susanjmcculley

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We often learn that resilience is our best course of action. That it’s weak to turn back, to change course, to do something new.

But, of course we all also know that having the courage to end something can be the wisest action we can take.

So, today I’d like to explore what can get in our way of ending something - and what can help us find the courage to take the next step.

Because, of course, for something to begin, something must end.

And.

When something ends, something else begins.

RESOURCES
To explore this subject of endings further, have a listen to:

S4E3 - Everything begins with an ending https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/everything-begins-with-an-ending/id1516813304?i=1000524217815
S9E5 - Begin with Resonance, with Susan McCulley https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/s9e5-begin-with-resonance-with-susan-mcculley/id1516813304?i=1000597966616

And, for an incredible true story of how we can find agency even in the darkest times, read:

Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl https://uk.bookshop.org/a/8926/9781844132393

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“It is literally neurobiologically impossible to think deeply about things that you don’t care about” Mary Helen Immordio-Yang of the University of Southern California.*

Of course.

This statement feels SO obvious! (Like the truest things often are)

If you’re like me, you’ll see so many situations where it applies - school, jobs, even the books we read.

AND

With this insight, we can see:

To be able to think deeply about ourselves (and create change in our lives) we have to care ABOUT ourselves.

Without that, it’s impossible to maintain our motivation for change.

It’s why, for me, ALL change begins with self-compassion.

*Thank you to my biggest big brother for sharing this gem with me!

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I’ve been pondering the idea of ‘success’.

What is it?
What does it mean when we do or don’t achieve it?
How does our perception of it change, as we change?

When I consider what I used to consider being successful meant, and how I look at what I consider to be success today… there are marked distinctions. Though I expect that if I’d drilled in when I was younger, the things I feel are most important now would still have been there, at the centre of things, then.

Connection with others.
Self-worth.
Good communication.
A willingness to deal with difficult things face on.
Compassion for myself… and others.

These are all things that it would be hard for anyone to deny are important success factors in any life.

And yet, we often devalue them in favour of other stuff.

The article of this episode is also published through my LinkedIn page - to read it, come & find me: https://www.linkedin.com/in/henny-flynn/

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At the most recent Journaling Gathering in June, one of the areas we discussed was how our journal can become a wise and trusted friend. Someone we can turn to in times of doubt, loss, crisis, pain - as well as times of energy, excitement, ambition, hope and joy.

I work with my journal in much the same way I work with those I’ve asked to walk beside me at times in my life - coach, friend, therapist. And as I write that, I can also see the work I do, when I walk beside others, as being almost a speaking journal. A mirror to reflect back, a container to hold space, an intuitive voice to respond.

I also find it useful sometimes to return to past journals and see what wisdom came through at the time of writing. A gentle - and often very appropriate reminder - of wisdom I already hold within, that simply needed refreshing.

So, today, when I was considering what to share here, I turned to an old journal...

Come along to the next Journaling Gathering, on Sunday Sept 24 at 11am - to book, click here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/580182761257?aff=oddtdtcreator

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This season feels largely inspired by statements we may have absorbed as children & the impact they can have in our lives.

This one (Too big for your boots) may sound like something you’ve heard in your time? Or maybe you recognise the essence of it in the judgemental things you have perhaps heard yourself say to your Self.

It’s also tied to ‘pride comes before a fall’ (that’s one of mine) and ‘who do you think you are’ - so it’s also related to episode 3 of this season, where I explored my reflections after hearing a mother say ‘how dare you’ to her child.

Before we begin, it’s essential to frame these explorations in compassion. Recognising that phrases like this can be an expression of profound love - a learnt means of trying to keep a loved one safe from harm.

And.

And exploring them, recognising how they may have influenced us in our lives can be a profound expression of self love - an acquired means of helping ourselves grow, outside of what may have confined us in the past.

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How dare you?

I overheard someone saying this to their child the other day.

You can imagine the tone of voice, the outrage, anger, shame and blame that filled the words.

I say this without judgement on that parent. I suspect it was something she had heard said to her as a child - normalised through conditioning, it had become something that felt like ‘something parents say’.

Often we repeat the things we received, heard, experienced as children. We might not even see them as something that hurt us or caused us pain at the time… and yet, when we look a little closer, when we stand in the shoes of our younger selves, we can perhaps see that there could (perhaps) have been another way.

In this episode we explore how we can reframe 'limiting' phrases that we may have absorbed in our younger years...

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Here’s a slightly alarming statistic - 40-60% of women will struggle with sleep during menopause.

This statistic is something we shared in a piece of work I’m currently collaborating on. It’s part of the corporate work I do, delivering a whole range of menopause support into organisations - in this instance, a company that’s chosen menopause as a key well-being focal point for this year.

One of our areas of focus has been sleep - because, as the statistic shows us - sleep is a major factor for so many women in peri-menopause. And it can be an ongoing factor throughout menopause and beyond.

However, sleep can be something that challenges us all - regardless of age, gender or life stage.

And, with the warmer nights of summer, it feels like maybe it’s a good thing to spend a little time exploring.

Personally, I love the wisdom that sits inside the title for today’s episode: A good night's sleep starts in the morning

It feels to me like it’s wisdom that can we can apply to so many things. Everything begins far earlier than we realise - I often reflect that changes we make in our lives have been happening far longer than we might realise. That deep subconscious reshaping of what we believe it’s possible to change begins way way way before we have the conscious thought that something needs to change.

And in the same way, when we shift our attention for a good night’s sleep onto the moment we wake, we begin to help ease some of the tension we might notice can build up just before sleep - especially if we’re assuming, predicting it’s not going to come.

Keep listening for some really practical tips and tools you may find useful if you ever, like so many of us, find sleep hard to find.

To explore sleep - https://drkatsleep.com/meet-dr-kat/ For menopause support - https://mpowder.store/ See Season 4 Episode 5 for the original interview with Dr Kat Lederle

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When we are rigid, fixed in our thinking, we become immobile, stuck in our ways.

When we are fluid, flexible in our thinking, we become open; more aware of the options available to us. And so change and growth become part of the natural order of things - rather than something to be feared or geared up for.

This isn’t a new theme for us here. But it is a new reflection on it.

The crux of this episode is seeing how we can extend our thinking, our reflecting, our considering out beyond the borders of what we previously believed.

And, in that way, we become infinite in our capacity to change… and grow.

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A little bonus episode to bridge the gap from season 10 to season 11.

A reflection on Wisdom from Within - on how we can tap into it whenever we need it - and a letter written from my wisest inner self.

To explore your own Wisdom from Within, and meet your wise Inner Guide, take a look at this special ImageWork recording https://hennyflynn.ck.page/9ca85eeaaf

This is something you can return to again and again, whenever you're looking for guidance.

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A foray into procrastination - inspired by a conversation, a realisation and a faltering intention.

There is so much richness to be explored about the whole topic of procrastination and the friend I mention at the beginning of this episode is someone I'd love to bring onto the show, so she can share some of her reflections on it. To connect with Saranne - find her here https://www.instagram.com/thesaranneday/

But this episode is about a tiny aspect of procrastination - something I have noticed in myself about what can get in my way when I FEEL I want to do something purely for myself but I THINK I need to do something else first.

There is SO much more that can be explored here. This is a toe-dip into the topic. Maybe is sparks some reflection for you too.

See you in series 11 - and in the meantime it would be wonderful to see you at...

Wisdom from Within
17 June '23 10.30-12.00 BST https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/623777383947

Journaling Quest Gathering
25 June '23 11.00-12.00 BST https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/580179060187

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This is a meander through a theme that connects three poems from My darling girl 2.

The theme of being seen.

But this is not about being seen by others (though that can feel vital at times), it's about seeing ourselves, as we truly are. In all our pain and our magnificence*.

With love.

I owe credit for that phrase 'pain and magnificence' to my teacher Dr Dina Glouberman - have a listen to episode 7 of this season for more from her. She's definitely worth listening to!*

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I debated about whether to call this the art of forgiveness OR the art of SELF-forgiveness - but the second one won out… for reasons I’ll share.

We’re often told as children that we have to forgive another child for hitting us, hurting us, taking the toy we really wanted.

We’re taught we need to be the bigger, better person and RISE ABOVE the lowly behaviour shown by the other child.

This is curious in many ways.

Because embedded within that are SO many messages - not all of them that helpful. And I'll explore some of these as we go.

And while we might have been taught we 'must' forgive others, there is also the view that the only place forgiveness is truly valuable is in forgiving ourselves.

And that can be the hardest thing of all.

Listen in to hear more about why it may not be our 'place' to forgive others - and how we can learn to forgive ourselves.

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My guest today is psychotherapist, writer, international trainer, and world expert in imagery based therapies, Dr Dina Glouberman.

The co-founder/director (since 1979) of Skyros Holistic Holidays, Dina is also the founder/director of the Aurora Centre in Southern Italy; training therapists, counsellors, and consultants in ImageWork.

This is a frank and generous exploration of what led Dina to develop her pioneering ImageWork therapy - touching on painful stories from her past and revealing the transformation that can come from purposeful exploration of imagery and visualisation.

Dina began her work as a psychotherapist in the early 1960s and continues to share her life-long learnings with others through her books, courses and the diploma in ImageWork - first run this year (2023).

At the end of our conversation, Dina says: “We’re all in this together”.

To me that feels like the most fitting phrase; it sums up the deep connection Dina offers those who work with her. And it speaks to our universal connection - with others and with our Self.

I am so honoured to be sharing this conversation with you today. Dina is one of my own teachers and I have seen first hand the beneficial power of ImageWork, both with my own clients and through my own experience.

If you’re curious to find out more, see Dina’s website - and if you’re a practitioner and want to learn how to use ImageWork with your clients, take a look at the Diploma course running in 2024. I have loved my own process of deepening my knowledge.

CONNECT WITH DINA

https://www.dinaglouberman.com/

BOOKS BY DINA

Life Choices, Life Changes

The Joy of Burnout

You Are What You Imagine

Into the Woods and Out Again

ImageWork - a guide for practitioners and counsellors

**EXPERIENCE ImageWork

Join my next live on-line event - June 17 '23 - 10.30-12 (BST): Wisdom from Within**
We'll be quietening the noisy chattering of the conscious mind and taking an inner journey to explore the transformative power of the imagination.

Find out more here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/wisdom-from-within-tickets-623777383947

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At times self-compassion can feel like a hard thing to find.

We may have been conditioned through our life experiences to see it as something unimportant or selfish and yet, our deepest wisest Self has an innate understanding that it’s something we all need.

I’ve recently created a short course for the InsightTimer App that offers up 3 deceptively simple tools that I think of as ‘first aid’ - or ‘practical compassion’ in action.

3 quick steps to help you access self-compassion when it feels needed or when it feels hard to find.

And while each of them are simple to put into practice, they represent a profound choice: the decision to choose your own mental and physical well-being as being worthy of your attention. The decision to choose your Self, over any stories you may carry that might lead you in another way.

And these 3 practical compassion tools are all things you can return to again and again in your day.

Your body will never get tired of being given this kind of kind attention.

Check out the InsightTimer course - with a fuller explanation of each of these tools, across 3 lessons, with mindful moments to accompany each lesson https://insighttimer.com/meditation-courses/uVlsX5hyGD020lmHVAst

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Today's episode is a romp through wordy things.

Headlines are:

We bandy words about and use them without thinking
Words can have multiple meanings - including ones we haven't been consciously aware of
The words we use influence our behaviours and the choices we make
The word 'should' is a shame-based word (maybe not always - but it's an interesting perspective)
Replacing 'should' with 'could' opens us up to new possibilities
Our unconscious usage of language can express our profound awareness of what we’re experiencing inside
Freud said we ‘leak’ what we're experiencing under the surface of what we think we’re saying
Always notice with love
Affirmations can be POWERFUL tools for change - positive language in the present tense
My box of LoveWords© — I might share this one day - or make your own!

And finally, I share a marvellous quote about words from Khalil Gibran. It's worth listening just for that!

With love, always
Henny x

MY DARLING GIRL vol. 2 - last orders on Wednesday 10 May for this very first edition - it’s full of words of love.

For UK deliveries https://buy.stripe.com/9AQ03A3c0dOoglqfZd
For US/Canada deliveries https://buy.stripe.com/28og2y6oc11C7OU9AQ

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Change lightly - it doesn’t mean don’t change or don’t change a lot, it simply means change with grace.

Often when we embark on change it can feel like a heavy thing

We fill it with all kinds of rules and denials and strictures. It becomes a burden perhaps.

In this episode, I share 3 things that can make us feel change MUST be DIFFICULT…

Our tendency to see changes as problems rather than opportunities
Taking on so much it becomes overwhelming
Seeing change as a hard-edged thing

And in response, I explore this idea of changing lightly and how introducing the idea of grace can help us change how we see change, to become more compassionate, curious and courageous.

I also share one of my favourite quotes - which relates so beautifully to the title for this episode.

JOURNALING PROMPT
What does change lightly mean to you?

REFERENCES
The Heart of Change, by Henny Flynn https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/books

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Sometimes we carry beliefs or stories we think belong to us.

But sometimes we’ve picked them up from others along the way of our life.

Perhaps inheriting them from care givers; adopting or adapting the stories and beliefs they, in turn, inherited from their care givers.

And so we can see how things get passed down the family line. Each generation believing it (whatever ‘it’ is) belongs to them. Each generation picking up burdens that they could (potentially) just as easily put down.

The curious thing about this phenomena is that it can relate to big things - beliefs about love, money, morality. Or small, on the surface insignificant, things that somehow can still have a big(ish) impact.

I share a simple story of this from my own history to help illustrate how having a deeper awareness of what informs us can help us choose what we want to keep... and what we might want to return to those we learnt it from.

In this episode, I also share a poem from My darling girl vol. 2 that touches on this theme.
To order your copy from the very first print run of this brand new collection: https://buy.stripe.com/9AQ6rY5k825Gc5a14h LAST ORDERS 10 May 2023

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By stepping away we create space for ideas to form.

This is in direct contrast to the culture of HUSTLE, which can make us believe we HAVE to keep going. Keep up with the OUTPUT and never minding the INPUT. But that way not only exhaustion & burnout lie - also our creativity suffers.

And that's what we're exploring today.

I could have called this: Procrastination, percolation, avoidance & flow PART 2 - have a listen to episode 3 of season 8 for part 1!

Today's episode also comes with a JOURNALING PROMPT: How could it help me to step away?

Henny x

PS: I tried to take a picture of my percolation board but the photo didn’t do it justice. You'll just have to imagine - or create your own!

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Today we're doing something a little different. And you'll hear I'm a little nervous!

I have asked Susan to be my kind guide, to help me explore and share the source and meaning of the My darling girl poetry(ish).

She asks questions that help uncover the deep sensitivities within these pieces of writing - and we explore how often the things we create don't feel like they come from 'us' at all.

My darling girl vol. 2 is published May 30 2023
Last date for pre-orders of this first edition 10 May 2023
To order, go to https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/books

REFERENCES
Elizabeth Gilbert - TED talk: Your elusive creative genius
Ram Dass - quote: "We're all just walking each other home"
Emily Dickinson

To watch on YouTube https://youtu.be/Rrq4zcEmyT4

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Today we return to an old, and never-ending, theme: Change.

And embedded within that theme, we can often find our old friend: Fear.

So, today I share an entry from my journal. Something I wrote several years ago, in an attempt to understand what I was going through at the time. It's a meditation on what it means to release our fear sufficiently that change becomes possible.

As an unedited piece of writing from my journal, I hope it also shows how in the simple act of writing we can disentangle thoughts that may feel complex and messy. In the process of journaling we can begin to see through to the truth and wisdom we hold within.

In the episode I also reference a story I first shared in the episode with Soulla - S6E6 - Making Your Soul Shine, with Soulla Demetriou. It's a beautiful episode and if you haven't listened, you may enjoy hearing what we discuss, as the two good friends we are.

Sending you love - see you in Season 10.

Henny x

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We all carry a set of beliefs about what the NORM is and about how we’re ‘meant’ to think, feel, act, look in order to fit in with that (possibly narrow) view.

And these beliefs inform how we see ourselves.

The challenge comes of course, when we see ourselves through a critical lens - which can (of course) be a far more critical lens than we would ever use to see another person.

In the lyrics of the song by En Vogue*(more on that in the episode!), we hear:

Before you can read me. You got to learn how to see me

And so it is with ourselves

Hence the title of today’s episode… Be self-kind & the love will follow

When we see ourselves through kind eyes, we’re acknowledging and accepting that every single part of us is welcome here. We are no longer ‘othering’ parts we might find more difficult - or feel could even be impossible - to love.

And part of this practice of being self-kind is not trying to rush at creating a sense of self-love. We're not trying to force something that can feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Begin - again and again - with kindness.

KEY THINGS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE

Othering - and how we can ‘other’ parts of our SELF
The importance of feeling and being ‘welcome’
The value of recognising and connecting with our inner parts, in a compassionate non-judgemental way
Some of the common phrases the Inner Critic can throw at us
The risk of criticising our Inner Critic - how that can compound the effect of the self-judgement
How the words ‘should’ or ‘must’ or ‘ought’ can be a sign the Inner Critic is getting activated
Remembering that the path toward being self-kind may feel hard but is always worth it

REFERENCES

*En Vogue: Free your mind & the rest will follow - the cultural reference that inspired this episode title's play on words
Internal Family Systems - trauma based therapeutic support
School of Life - useful resource for working with the Inner Critic

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Many of us feel we’d love to rid ourselves of the things we are afraid of… yet, often they’re the things we cling to - a foundational layer to our limiting beliefs, they often form part of what we believe makes us, US.

And getting to know them - really seeing what they are, where they spring from, who we inherited them from or how they have built over time is a powerful part of deepening self-awareness WITH profound self-compassion, of course...

In this episode I explore some of my own limiting beliefs and share how they can become conflated with other beliefs, leaving us in a knotty tangle.

I also share 3 steps that can help us when our limiting beliefs feel like they're trapping us.

Finally, I share the last words my own mother ever said to me - and how I see them as the universal words of maternal love. Not in the sense of mother / child but in the sense of universal love and how we learn to parent ourselves in our adulthood.

There is a Journaling prompt with this episode:
Untangling my limiting belief, with love

For more on Journaling, explore the Journaling Quests
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**Do you meditate? If yes, then it's very likely you've experienced the wandering mind.

For me it's my almost constant companion when I meditate!**

The wonderful Tara Brach offers us guidance to simply say to ourselves: "thinking thinking", every time we notice our mind wandering.

This episode was inspired by another technique (unfortunately I can't recall who it was who shared it!)

Essentially it is to call out what KIND of thinking we’re doing. We’re often lost in rumination OR speculation - while the bit in the middle is the meditation.

So I’m offering up a meditation practice today - an opportunity to feel into whether this expanded approach is useful for you too.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. And if you know of another formal practice that uses this kind of technique I would LOVE to hear about it!

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There are geographical places in the world where the distance between heaven and Earth collapses*.

They are called 'thin places'.

It's a term that comes from the ancient Celts and there may be places you have been in your life that have felt like a thin place - where you've felt that distance between heaven and earth contract.

And for me, times of change often feel like the barriers we've erected between ourselves and the outer world get THINNER.

And

The barriers we've erected over the years between ourselves and our INNER world get thinner too.

In my own life I’ve inhabited a number of thin places. Times when my sensitivity to the world around me - and the world inside me - has become heightened.

It can feel challenging and vulnerable and difficult to manage.

And

It is part of waking up to our true selves.

JOURNALING PROMPT
What does a 'thin place' feel like to me?

REFERENCES
*Eric Weiner - Man Seeks God

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Every year, Susan has a word. A word that accompanies her on her journey through the year. This year it’s resonance.

It sparked a series of thoughts, because at the time she shared it with me we were both feeling into the new year.

We were both also feeling bombarded by the often frantic demands of the emails and social posts telling us it was time to BEGIN, time for something NEW, time to throw out the old and leap into this new year.

And we were both feeling exhausted by it - and for me it sent me back under my duvet to hibernate a little longer.

So it feels interesting - and ALIGNED - to be recording this at the end of January & sharing it at the beginning of Feb. Not a time we ordinarily talk about beginnings. But this is about beginnings with RESONANCE. This is about beginnings that feel ALIGNED with who we really are, and where we are at.

Through our exploration, we touch on five key areas...

The connection between RESONANCE & BEGINNINGS
The paradoxes and contradictions in beginnings - resistance vs excitement
Learning how to - and the importance of - 'begin again'
The difference between the ACT of beginning & the STATE of being a beginner
Is there any such thing as a beginning?

I also offer a couple of JOURNALING PROMPTS:

Is there any such thing as a beginning?
Is there any such thing as an ending?

You'll also hear in the intro that I talk about the moon, and her natural cycles of beginning and ending. And there feels something particularly beautiful about releasing this episode on a Full Moon.

Susan and I would love to hear your thoughts. What does this whole idea of Beginning with Resonance spark for you?

Henny x

PS: it wasn’t two and a half years ago that Anton turned 50 - he’s younger than I made him out to be!

CONNECT WITH SUSAN

Susan J. McCulley
Nourishing Mindful Movement Teacher / Artist / Writer susanmcculley.com Founder & Facilitator of The Age of Becoming Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/411723369813607 Instagram www.instagram.com/susanjmcculley

REFERENCES

The kangaroo tail imagery comes from an embodied leadership exercise from Richard Strozzi. Home - Strozzi Institute | Embodied Transformation

"Closing time, every new beginning
Comes from some other beginning's end, yeah" Dan Wilson's Closing Time Lyrics

"We set forth, we struggle, we lose our balance and the realising it, we begin again" Sharon Saltzberg

"Old age would be a wonderful thing if we haven't forgotten how to begin"
Apologies - I can't find the source for this but it came via Ram Dass

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Just as we can become 'nose blind', (made famous by those adverts that highlighted how we can stop smelling things we've been accustomed to), this episode is a canter through the idea that we can also become 'stress blind'.

And that (sometimes) when we spend some time away from the source of the stress, we return and suddenly realise how dominant that sense of stress really is.

Then slowly, slowly we become acclimatised again and that awareness of what's really impacting us slips into the background. And becomes once more unseen.

The practice here is SEEING, and then with that INSIGHT, exploring what action we can take.

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My guest today is Katty Douraghy.

Her memoir, The Butterfly Years: A Journey Through Grief Toward Hope, details her personal journey through grief.

Katty is beautifully honest about the complexity of her experiences, and along the way, I also share some of the stories I told myself when my own mother died. It means this is another deeply tender conversation. And I offer my love and compassion to you as you listen.

Self-compassion can feel particularly hard to access when we experience loss. But as Katty notes, 'we’re all going to grieve in our own way' and I love this recognition. We can even hold harsh self-judgment over the way we grieve (and how we see others' grief).

Loving ourselves through loss is vital.

Journaling was the path that helped Katty as she moved through the phases of her experience, and helped her access a powerful truth: “Recognising what I still had, rather than focussing on what I had lost was a turning point for me.”And it is this practice of journalling that she shares to support others in their own journeys.

CONNECT WITH KATTY
KattyD@ArtisanCreative.com
www.ButterflyYears.com

The Butterfly Years: A Journey Through Grief Toward Hope“It is surprising how few books there are that deal with first hand accounts of grief, especially of a parent, when it is such a universal experience. The Butterfly Years fills that gap in a beautiful, honest way.”

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"In any relationship, the outcome of highest service to each other - and the world around us - is authenticity and love. If we stifle one, the other is likely to falter."

This phrase landed fully formed in my head in the middle of the night.

I scrabbled for my phone to hold onto the words, lest they did what most midnight thoughts do… and drifted away or morphed into something unintelligible.

Since then I’ve been reflecting on this and, well, it still feels true.

It’s inspired this podcast episode and I reached out to my Instagram community to help shape where the episode goes.

I asked some questions, and received some wonderful answers - some of which I share in the episode.

Does this feel true to you too? Or does it feel untrue?
Does it feel possible that we can always show up as ourselves with a compassionate heart? Or does ‘always’ just feel impossible?

There are so many different types of relationships we all have with so many different people. And I'm deeply aware that it doesn't always feel possible to stand in that place of authenticity and love - and that part of doing so means having clear boundaries that enable us to be fully present and compassionate and stay safe (in whatever way is needed).

I'd love to hear your thoughts x

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This episode is about how we can be drawn by things we think we want but they can sometimes seem impossible to attain.

Like moving jobs - we might find ourselves often retelling the same story of how we 'should' be doing something else / hate what we’re doing / want to move on - but year after year find ourselves still working in the same way at the same place.

And there’s an important point about that phrase ‘working in the same way’ - often the change that’s needed ISN’T about WHERE we work or even WHO we work with but HOW we work.

And we may even find that learning to love where we are can become PART of our INNER WORK of learning to love WHO we are - seeing what it teaches us, how we can keep deepening our self-awareness until we understand WHY choices we’ve made in the past have brought ourselves to this place in our life.

And from there, change can start to feel much more possible.

Alongside this, there's the question of how we can access and harness our INNER FIRE in order to help motivate our actions towards what truly serves us. Understanding that the EXTERNAL DESIRE may not always be highlighting our own best path forward.

I hope you enjoy this exploration. And, as ever, I'd love to hear your thoughts, challenges, additions, reflections.

With love
Henny x

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I can’t take credit for today’s title - it came from Anton, as he was listening to me reflect on something from my past. (He’s good with words!)

The concept of SYSTEMIC behaviours, beliefs, attitudes etc is part of my training. They're something I look for to support clients in understanding what’s informing their experience of the life they live.

Through coaching we can gain sight of the SYSTEMS we’ve been part of in the past / are still part of. And we can support ourselves in disentangling from the threads that bind us to the patterns we’ve adopted, inherited or adapted to - so we can make the changes we desire.

This is a theme you may have noticed runs through many of these podcast episodes - overtly and discretely - so today, in the last of this series, I thought we’d spend a little time exploring the idea of the systems AND, specifically what Systemic Rebellion may mean to you.

To join the Affirmation Practice event on 11 November 2022 3pm-4.15pm (GMT)
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/affirmation-practice-tickets-445311246927

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This one is a bit of meander through my mind! Sorry about that...

It comes from something I noticed a long time ago, when I first began my own journey of waking up to who I was inside all the stories and beliefs I carried. There's often lots of focus on feeling unworthy / not enough - but it rarely seems we talk about what happens if you feel you’re too much.

In the episode I share:

My experience (hence the mind meander)
The feeling of BELONGING
All about how we perceive ourselves - rather than seeing the world through the lens of what we believe other people see
The impact it can have on distorted body imagery
The state of BELONGING is an INTERNAL one

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This episode ended up being about lots of things.

You'll hear I wasn't sure what the title was going to be until we were part way through. While our attention was broadly on the idea of 'ageing' - I wanted to keep the field wide open, to allow whatever arose.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the scope expanded as we went...

Ageing. Regrets. Family. Grief. Love. Friendship. Community. Compassion (of course). And at times it became unclear who was interviewing whom.

By chance we recorded it on World Menopause Day (October 18th) and you’ll hear menopause played a part too.

I loved speaking with Nina. She is full of compassion and curiosity.

I hope you love you listening.

ABOUT NINA LOREZ COLLINS

Nina is the Chief Creative Officer of Revel. Founder of The Woolfer and Board Chair of The Brooklyn Public Library. She is also manager of the Kathleen Collins estate - curating and promoting her mother's creative work.

Amongst her many other skills, Nina hosts the Raging Gracefully podcast. A place for exploration of this topic of ageing and how women move into and through their second phase of life... into what I love to think of as our Second Spring.

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This episode was inspired by two mistakes I made this weekend... and how compassion helps us through.

And you might like to know that when I first loaded it up, I completely forgot to include the usual intro. It is human to err indeed!

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This Bonus episode was recorded live with a wonderful audience.
FLOW Journaling is my preferred approach to Journaling and the approach I recommend for everyone embarking on this year's JOURNALING QUEST.

We begin with a relaxation practice to help settle us, before we dive into the WHATs, WHYs and HOWs of FLOW Journaling. And we end with a journaling prompt to practice the process I'm guiding us through.

You'll hear there are self-reflection questions throughout the episode - and the invitation is to have a pen and paper handy to jot down your own thoughts.

I hope you enjoy this exploration. There are some rich observations from the group and I would love to hear your reflections as you listen and observe your own responses.

The live Journaling Quest for 2022 runs for two-weeks, from 15 Oct. And I'm delighted to say you can still be part of it after that - just go to:https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/retreats-and-events

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Another deeply personal episode.

This time we're exploring fear.

One of the truths we observe is that the FEAR itself is real, but the stories we attach to it may not be.

I am transcribing this episode so please take a look at the podcast shownotes (on hennyflynn.co.uk or wherever you love to listen) for more of the detail and wisdom in what Susan shares with me.

Connect with Susan and read her brilliant blog post https://www.susanmcculley.com/blog-posts/clouds

And... just for anyone watching on YouTube, there's a part at the end where we just sit chatting! I'd forgotten to switch off the recording... :-)

Sherry Jibb is a yoga teacher, wise woman and the founder of the Happy & Healthy in Midlife Summit.

We met this year when she invited me to be a speaker at the summit and in the course of our initial conversation it quickly became clear that she is a very special human.

Early in this conversation, Sherry shares that her father is dying.

She is at his home when we speak and the whole topic of connection is deeply resonate with her experience in these days.

There is so much heart in this episode.

I know you are joining me as I send our love to Sherry and her loved ones. And, as ever, I hope you find this exploration of connection in some way useful in your own lived experience too.

These are some of the areas we cover. There were so many. A rich and powerful exploration of such an important topic.

What gets in the way of connecting with others?
How is this amplified / diluted as we grow older?
What’s the impact when we hold ourselves - or feel - separate?
Are there differences here for people who identify as male or female?
How can we move through those blockers or resistance?
Understanding what healthy connection looks like for us, as individuals
How does connection with others inform the way we connect with ourselves - and vice versa?

There were two quotes I mentioned at the very beginning of the recording. One was from Rumi

“Through love, bitter things seem sweet; through love, bits of copper are made gold”

The second which I didn’t actually share but that you might like to read was from the inimitable Brene Brown

“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship”As ever, if this episode provokes any thoughts or reflections that you would like to share, please do so - either connect with me directly https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/ or come and join the 'living with compassion conversation at https://www.facebook.com/groups/hennyflynn/

This episode begins with the reflection that... When I attach to the fear of what others might think of me I stop BEING. And start acting as I think I ‘should’

This attachment to what I think others might think is an old, deep story for me and it can feel like it’s hard wired into our nature - as pack animals we need to have a degree of awareness of others in order that we can work together, live together, be together.

But

This attachment to what we think others might think can feel like it’s hard wired into our nature - as pack animals we need to have a degree of awareness of others in order that we can work together, live together, be together. It's part of what creates our moral code - and it's a vital part of creating a high-functioning social group.

So

How is it when we really let go?

Have you ever found yourself doing something on a whim?

And then a while down the line felt it may not have been the right step for you? Perhaps reflecting it wasn’t worth the effort, the money, the time, the energy?

Or, have you ever found yourself NOT doing something... and a while down the line reflecting how doing THAT thing actually it could have been in your service in some way?

I have DEFINITELY been there. And, I suspect, it's true for all of us at times.

The confusing thing about all this is that the things we choose to do MIGHT be acts of procrastination. Or acts of avoidance. Ways of NOT doing something else that (for whatever reason) isn't drawing our energised attention.

Or perhaps that delay we created could be an act of percolation, allowing something time to become clearer.

Or maybe - just maybe - we're doing whatever we're doing because we're in a state of flow. And all is exactly as it need to be.

How do we tell the difference?

That's what we're exploring today.

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JOIN THE PODCAST MAILING LIST https://hennyflynn.ck.page/b488b090c7

By the time a thought has reached our mouth the SUBCONSCIOUS work that underpins that thought has actually been going on for some time.

I find this idea immensely powerful - and empowering.

I also find it deeply hopeful.

It says to me that we are ALREADY far further along the path than we may at first believe ourselves to be.

Have seen this play out on so many occasions, with clients coming to me and perhaps sharing that they find the concept of self-care so hard to access. Then we work together to help them see that simply choosing to invest in themselves (through coaching) IS an act of self-care.

So, when we feel we’re up against things, or that the path feels too long, or that we’re not strong, or that we’ll never move forward... we can remind ourselves: I CAN because I ALREADY AM.

This episode could simply be called 'August didn't go as planned'!
This is my reflection on what happened, and how I ended up realising everything was actually ok.

Ultimately it brought me to the renewed realisation that...

When we deepen our awareness of what we’re feeling RIGHT NOW and explore what sits behind THAT, behind the mundane; the stuff we often ignore or shove to one side. THAT is what helps us when life gets genuinely complicated.

It's the act of turning toward ourself - with profound compassion - and seeing what’s activating the tiny parts of us. This is what builds the muscle memory that helps us turn toward (and hold with endless tenderness) the big (and maybe painful) parts that can feel so unwieldy and challenging when they most need our support.

So, the upshot of all this is that my no-plan-plan was disrupted. By me. And the lesson I learnt was to come back into flow.

To take up the offer of a one-off personal session to craft your own daily prayers (or affirmations or reminders or whatever you'd like to call them!), book here:https://calendly.com/hennyflynn/prayer

Having a coffee this morning, I suddenly realised I didn’t want to drink any more or take another bite of my half-nibbled square of chocolate.

So I put them both down.

In the past I would have finished them.

And even now that’s still an UNCONSCIOUS response I definitely see in myself.... continuing to consume, even though it’s not the thing that serves me. And that's part of my own continuing Work - to continue to learn to listen ever more deeply to myself.

I'm writing this from my Covid recovery phase and I notice I am more aware of my body precisely because I have been so ill that I have been forced to listen to her.

My reflection today is that there’s something about being ill that gives us an opportunity to reset. It feels this is an opportunity to release the resistance (that comes from years of conditioning) to hearing those cues my body sends me and to REALLY listen to what she says.

So, that's the invitation today. To REALLY feel into our BODY and ask ‘what is it you need my love?’

Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the podcast that's all about deepening self-awareness with profound self-compassion.

I'm Henny - an author, coach and retreat host - and I'm curious about our inner landscape. About what it is that shapes and drives our thoughts, feelings and actions. And I love exploring ways we can change our conditioned responses, behaviours and patterns, with endless tenderness.

If you're curious too; if you, like me, wish to have an ever more open mind and open heart, then I hope these episodes will help spark your own reflections. And I would love to hear where they take you.

Just search the Henny Flynn podcast on your favourite podcast app.

I look forward to meeting you there.

A reading from My Darling Girl, set to music (with credit for its sweeping beauty to Scott Buckley, details below).

This piece is a love letter to those times when we feel we might be drowning in the doubts that swirl around us.

It begins...

Sometimes we cross the river of doubt with
ease, skipping across the stepping stones,
landing softly on the other side.
And sometimes we stare at the raging waters,
wondering how we ever thought we could
traverse them.

Close your eyes, and see where the words and music take you.

With love
Henny x

My Darling Girl is available to order here https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/books

Beautiful Oblivion by Scott Buckley | https://soundcloud.com/scottbuckley
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Once again, I'm back with the inimitable Susan McCulley. A wise woman with an enormous heart.

Today, we're talking boundaries.

how we can create them
what makes us break them
how we can learn to keep them
how we can find ourselves treading on others'
what respecting boundaries really means
AND
the inevitability of feeling guilty when we hold our boundaries - and how that is part of the boundary process.

Boundaries is something that comes up again and again in the work that Susan and I each do - even though our clients' needs and the way we serve may be very different, the need for boundaries is UNIVERSAL.

This is a delicious conversation - of course! And it touches on some tender things. So, as ever, the invitation is to rest and listen and see what arises for you.

We would LOVE to hear your thoughts - please share with us in the comments below - and don't forget to subscribe to the show!

A couple of BLOG POSTS from Susan on boundaries include:

Building Boundaries — Susan McCulley http://www.susanmcculley.com/blog-posts/boundaries
Holding Boundaries — Susan McCulley http://www.susanmcculley.com/blog-posts/holdboundaries
and one about "softening" - something we discuss in the show -
Space in Myself — Susan McCulley http://www.susanmcculley.com/blog-posts/spaceinme

A few years ago - an idea for a book called ‘small pleasures’ came to me. It was intended as a collection of all the things that can give us a great sense of well-being, even though in themselves they might seem slight.

The idea drifted about and occasionally I’d add another one to the mental list.

But I couldn’t quite see how the book would look and feel, or how it would come into being.

Then, over the past few months the idea has returned - though this time with much more clarity about the direction it needed to take. And though it’s changed shape - it feels like it is still very much connected to that original thought.

And it's led to a whole new book, now making her way in the world.

*All the ways I tell myself I love you*

Self-love is far easier than we might think - even though it can sometimes feel a bit esoteric or nebulous or theoretical... ESPECIALLY when we’re not FEELING IT.

And we can look at others who are expressing self-love and think ‘it’s ok for them, they haven’t got to deal with x y z’. But the reality is that we ALL have 'stuff' in our lives that can get in the way, and make self-compassion / self-love feel hard to attain. Which, of course, also means that we can ALL practice self-love, in whatever way makes sense for us.

My ways of telling myself 'I love you' will be different from yours. But I hope with all my heart that this new book speaks to you, as the words and illustrations inside it spoke to me.

Find out more https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/all-the-ways

As one client said: "It’s such a beautiful and simple but powerful book. I look forward to putting some of the affirmations to use!"

Thank you for being part of bringing it out into the world.

Henny x

All the ways I tell myself I love you
The little book of practical compassion
Hard cover, 62pp + cover, 148mm x 148mm, full colour illustrations throughout
£13.99 + p&p (UK address)

For more bonus episodes of this podcast, and access to the latest musings, join the mailing list, it would be wonderful to have you part of our lovely community.

JOIN NOW : https://mailchi.mp/c3a1fbc27c5e/connect

Today’s guest is the inspirational Udo Erasmus.

He’s the founder of Udo’s Choice and author of the book Fats That Heal Fats that Kill, which has sold over 250,000 copies. And he’s shared the stage with people like Deepak Chopra.

So, when his team approached me about him joining as a guest on the show I was intrigued to hear more.

His personal story began with intense struggle as a young child during the Second World War and has taken him through studies in biochemistry, genetics, biology, and nutrition as well as a master’s degree in counselling psychology. And it has seen him take his health into his own hands when doctors couldn’t support him.

This was a wide ranging conversation but at its heart was a single core theme.

That peace resides WITHIN us and all around us. And if we wish to find it, our only act is to release our resistance.

There is a strong spiritual theme to this conversation, though entirely non-denominational and I personally found it fascinating to hear Udo's thoughts, and to notice my own reflections that arose as we spoke.

He shares much wisdom here, gathered over his 8 decades - and shares what has inspired him to keep learning.

As he says, we are all a work in progress.

It feels conversation also relates to episodes 1 and 2 of this series:
S7E1 - The Artificial Grownup
S7E2 - From Transformation to Revelation

I hope you enjoy listening as much as I did and would love to hear your thoughts.
Henny x

If you'd like to connect further with Udo, take a look here: http://theudo.com

AND! He has been so generous in gifting us a free course: Total Mental Health
Go to:
https://udoerasmus.com/HennyF
Click on the “Yes! I want to Save” button and enter the code
YOURGIFTFROMUDO
This code will be active until October 15th, 2022.

How do we connect memories with emotion that then influences our actions?

If you remember the nursery rhyme about Dr Foster, you'll know that he went to Gloucester but because of one bad experience, involving a very deep puddle... he never went there again.

My own realisation of how a 'bad' experience almost stopped me going to a garden centre again (I know!), helped me made a conscious decision (to go!), rather than having a subconscious emotional response (and stay home).

This then helped me reflect on the way our beautiful brain can influence us and stop us doing things... even when the danger or risk has well and truly passed.

This episode is about how our memories can influence us even in the every day, where we might not realise that we ARE being influenced by emotional responses we've had in the past. And, of course, if you extrapolate this idea it becomes easy to see why past trauma can affect our present behaviour so very very deeply.

I also share how we can make connections between two things that may, on the surface feel entirely paradoxical. For example, both of my parents smoked for almost the whole of my life and so, I ended up associating the smell of cigarettes with the love I received from, and feel toward, my parents. And after my mother died I often would smell cigarettes when no one was smoking anywhere near me. An expression of my loving memory of her.

The invitation, as always, is to explore what associations you are potentially making, that may be driving or influencing your own behaviours.

Henny x
To connect and explore your own path: https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/

Tanya came to her life work as a leadership coach after years in an outwardly successful but ultimately unsatisfying career in advertising.

She suffered, a lot, from a myriad of “not good enough, not smart enough, not ready” beliefs. Any success she enjoyed she chalked up to someone else having made a mistake. She thought it was just a matter of time before they found out she was a fake.

It took the passing of her mother to get her “unstuck”. After she left, she heard — really heard — her lifelong mantra for the first time: Don’t Postpone Joy

In this deep and broad conversation, Tanya unpacks Imposter Complex for us. She shares how it manifests and what can sit beneath it.

This is a RICH and rewarding discussion. Tanya is passionate about her work and delivers it all with love and humanity.

I truly loved speaking with her - and I think you'll love listening.

To connect with Tanya or listen to her TEDx talk...
TanyaGeisler.com https://tanyageisler.com/
TEDxTalk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3Em-IIAQ6I&feature=youtu.be

When we were kids at the school gate we all knew there were unwritten rules of which group you COULD belong to, which you’d ASPIRE to belong to and which you’d never want to belong to. We might not have always understood the rules - but we thought we knew that others knew them.

Connecting with people who feel like a good fit for us - that's really what it means to find our tribe.

And, as we move through life into adulthood, we might find we’ve surrounded ourselves with people who aren’t actually our tribe... or that those we THOUGHT were our tribe, no longer quite fit in the way they used to.

There can be so many reasons beneath this but essentially, it’s ok to be choiceful about who and where we spend out time. Of course we can't choose EVERY person we spend time with - we may go to work, or spend time in our community or have complex family relationships but...

Remembering our time is PRECIOUS is key.

So who is in your tribe?

Who nourishes you?

And if you’re not sure that you’re spending your time with the people who really get you, what can you do to make that happen?

Sophie is a holistic health coach with 30 yrs experience in the field of nutrition with a background in Traditional Chinese Medicine and Western Naturopathy.

She talks fondly and with deep respect of the training she completed with Barbara Wren who created the College of Natural Nutrition. And of how Barbara, now in her 80s, developed her own philosophy of health incorporating universal wisdom as well as diet and holistic paradigms such as naturopathy, Traditional Chinese Medicine and homeopathy.

During our conversation today, we talk of how hormonal imbalances can be influenced by the rhythms around us AND by our spiritual / psychological balance - and the value of bringing in the nutritional needs of the body, as a holistic approach.

Sophie shares her thoughts on how we are inextricably connected to the rhythms of the universe and when we dance with those rhythms we are in balance. She speaks of the impact of the lunar cycle and the equinoxes and solstices, the seasons, astrological changes as well as naturopathic techniques.

We also touch on John Gray’s work (and his recent book: Beyond Mars and Venus), where he shares the science behind our differences as men and women and the influence on our hormone balance. Sophie talks of how if a woman is too far on her masculine side, she will imbalance her hormones. And of how returning to her natural interdependent state to experience support and connection with another or others can, in turn, help adjust her hormonal balance.

As ever this is a wide and varied conversation and I hope there is something here for EVERYONE - regardless of gender. Because finding and continually adjusting to a state of balance in our lives is something that benefits us ALL.

To connect with Sophie: https://www.fullernutrition.com/

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

The Surrender Experiment & The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

Cellular Awakening & Our Return to the Light by Barbara Wren

Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray

The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton

I used to believe that if I made a change in my life, I would transform in some way.

That I’d become something OTHER than who I was. And that ‘otherness’ meant I’d become somehow ‘better’.

And that’s how I used to approach the changes I wanted to make. With the core belief, underneath all the good intentions, that I wasn’t quite good enough as I was.

I applied that thinking to the desire to lose weight, stop smoking, getting fitter, being a better daughter, sister, student, colleague, partner, mother, friend.

And so I’d keep trying to do those things, and I’d keep failing.

And it wasn’t until I realised that I needed to get underneath all those beliefs about my own self-worth that I was able to make the changes I really wanted to make.

This exploration of what lay beneath the things I used to hide behind, resulted in me revealing more and more of who I really am. It's what led to me recognising that while we might think that we’re 'transforming', actually…

Each moment of CHANGE is really about RELEASING the brittle barriers we had put in place to protect ourselves. And, as they DISSOLVE, we are finally able to FEEL into who we are UNDERNEATH it all.

We are revealed. And we find that we are enough - and not too much - exactly as we are.

For more bonus episodes and access to the latest teachings, join the mailing list, it would be wonderful to have you part of our lovely community.

JOIN NOW : https://mailchi.mp/c3a1fbc27c5e/connect

This episode - the first in our brand new series (whoop!) is all about...

The strategies we adopt to try to BECOME the person we THINK we OUGHT to be as we grow up - and how those strategies can become so mis-guided at times that we turn into someone maybe even we don’t recognise.

All through life we have cross-roads - or as Gwyneth Paltrow might say, Sliding Doors. We make choices that take us down a particular path - and then we find another cross road or junction and another and another… until, before we know it, we can be a long way from home and no clear map on how to return.

OR RATHER

We might think we’re a long way from home without a map… because of course home is where the heart is. And that’s inside us. So technically we’re always home!

These strategies we adopt in this quest to be GROWN-UP, they can be things we’ve learnt from caregivers. We emulate their behaviours, positive and challenging, as a way of expressing our LOYALTY to them. And even when we think we’re rejecting something from our past, we can find ourselves repeating it.

Understanding where we’re getting our messages about what it means to be 'grown-up' can be helpful in enabling us to fully inhabit our TRUE ADULT SELF.

And that's what we'll be exploring today.

For more bonus episodes and access to the latest teachings, join the mailing list, it would be wonderful to have you part of our lovely community.JOIN NOW : https://mailchi.mp/c3a1fbc27c5e/connect

A little gift to drift away to... before season 7 fully begins.

An extract from My Darling Girl, set to music. I love how this has come into being. I hope you do too.

With love
Henny x

My Darling Girl is a collection of poetry-ish, love letters to all the people we have ever been

Midvinter by Scott Buckley | https://soundcloud.com/scottbuckley
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

"If we’re in a time where it feels like things are HARD, where the CRISIS - real or perceived - feels like it’s threatening to (or has already) entered our life in some way - then this LOVE, this RECOGNITION of our own strengths, skills, knowledge, learnings, wisdom and growth becomes EVEN MORE important"

There are so many ways we can practice self-compassion but acknowledging ourselves and the progress we have made (in whatever way that shows up for us, as an individual) can be a really practical way to access it.

In this weekend's episode of the podcast, I share HOW and WHY this is such beautiful work.

I also speak of narcissism and the thought blockers that can get in our way.

To work together and explore this beautiful way of accessing self-compassion yourself, message me or email henny@hennyflynn.co.uk

JOIN THE MAILING LIST (email me, or go to hennyflynn.co.uk to subscribe) to receive these episodes straight to your inbox each week. Season 7 begins in April.

With love
Henny x

Susan’s 30-Lesson course on Building Balance is now live on Insight Timer. It’s something she’s been working on for months (well, years, actually). And it’s what led to us exploring this idea of balance from multiple angles today.

One of the beautiful outcomes was recognising (once again) that while Susan and I approach things from our different disciplines, there are so many connecting threads within our work.

The link to Susan’s course is included below as is a link to my book The Heart of Change - one whole section of which is devoted to exploring what balance means to us, and how we can find it, as an ongoing practice.

Here are some of the ideas we explored...

Balance is not a destination - it’s a verb not a noun - it’s an endless process of making micro-adjustments
We explore balance literally through our bodies and metaphorically through our lives
How our culture actually DIScourages balance and what we can do to cultivate more of it
In the modern world, everywhere we walk is a flat hard surface, designed to minimise the disruption to our foot fall. In nature it rises, falls, changes texture and resistance - and our feet are designed to work with that
Long held habits are hard to break - and bringing our awareness to the habitual behaviours we have adopted is key to understanding how we can create more balance in our lives
We have to begin with the premise that change is possible if we seek to create a greater sense of balance
Balance is directly correlated with the ideas of disruption and resilience
What balance means to US - may not be the same as it means to others
Part of creating balance is to understand the roles we play
Life circles help us see how we are balancing the different aspects of our life. Draw 6 sets of circles - with the size of the circle representing the relative ‘weight’ each of these things has in your life: Family & relationships / work / service to others / health & exercise / spiritual well-being / self-development - draw HOW DO THEY LOOK NOW… and HOW YOU WANT THEM TO LOOK IN THE FUTURE
How do we create balance now… in a time of unrest when challenging things happen around us?

CONTACT SUSAN www.susanmcculley.com
BUILDING BALANCE COURSE on INSIGHT TIMER: https://insighttimer.com/meditation-courses/course_building-balance-in-your-body-and-life
Join The Age of Becoming on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/411723369813607

BOOKS WE REFERENCED
Atomic Habits - James Clear
The Heart of Change - Henny Flynn https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/books

That Rumi quote...
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.

A short reflection today - sharing some poetry and words of wisdom from others.

A new My Darling Girl poem arrived this week too. In response to my own question that in the face of such anguish and pain around us, is it ok for us to feel ok? Not in a way that dismisses or ignores the truth of what is happening - but in a way that enables us to connect even more deeply with ourselves, and with others.

As always I hope this resonates with you in some way.

Henny x

“Hope” is the thing with feathers - by EMILY DICKINSON

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.

My darling girl, You ask me - by Henny Flynn

My darling girl
You ask me
Is it ok to love what you do
Is it ok to love how you feel
Is it ok to love where you live
Is it ok to love who you love
Is it ok to be who you are
Is it ok to feel to think to be to do to say to see to cry to laugh to love to breathe
Is it ok?
And I say yes, my love
It
Is
All
Ok.

With love.

So, just to be clear, today’s episode isn’t anything to do with James Blunt or his song… and apologies if that now gives you an ear worm… which is what is now going through my own head!

No.

Instead, today's offering is an invitation.

An invitation to join me in a delicious, delightful experiment. A delicious, delightful experiment that can bring a whole series of challenges - but it’s worth it none the less.

A few years ago I began exploring how we can make enormous inner shifts through apparently small changes… using myself as my own guinea pig. This experiment I share today came to me as a way of connecting more deeply with those around me - and as a way to notice the impact of my unconscious (and conscious) biases.

It felt like an opportunity to witness the BEAUTY that we ALL have inside - our core humanity - regardless of who we are.

This is hard. When we face into our inner thoughts and reactions, we often come up against barriers in how we observe others. But, for me, I think it's often most interesting when we turn toward the hard stuff.

There's no right or wrong here... it's simply an experiment to see what arises, and from there, to see what we choose to do with that experience.

I mention a previous episode from the podcast that you might like to explore:

https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/mirror-mirror-learning-to-love-what-we-see

Follow, subscribe, join the mailing list - just go to hennyflynn.co.uk and if you’re curious about how it would be to work together, then let’s have a chat https://calendly.com/hennyflynn/virtual-coffee

Today's episode was such a joy to record.

I am delighted to introduce you to my friend and teacher, Soulla - the founder of Soulshine.

In this beautiful conversation, you'll hear some of her own journey to establish the highly renowned Soulshine Retreats, and what's brought her to the work she does today.

Some of the areas you'll hear we touch on are:

Soulla's compassionate attention to our shadow sides - supporting her clients with developing a full willingness to see our whole selves.
The importance of feeling safe - and why it's such a fundamental need for so many of us, and yet can feel so rare.
Her own experience of moving through some extremely dark times, including almost losing faith and hope - and what helped her attend to her own needs.
How each of us can find our own way - and the tools that we can access to help shine the light on our path.
A true story of how the tools we discuss have personally helped me... and Soulla, as we navigate our own challenges.

To connect with Soulla

https://www.soulshinebysoulla.com/nurturingresilience

@soulshine_soulla

www.facebook.com/soulshinesoulla

About Soulla

Transformational Somatic and Trauma-Informed Therapeutic Coach, Internal Family Systems Practitioner, Yoga, Self-Compassion and Mindfulness Teacher and Founder of Soulshine Retreats, Soulla has over a decade of experience working with thousands of individuals from all walks of life – holding space for deep transformation, clarity and healing.

Gossip. Why we love it, how it serves us and other thoughts.Gossip is something we often lean toward. We love to listen to stories about other people we know, whether we know them directly or through their celebrity status or through the importance they hold in someone else’s life.

It’s something that can really activate our level 1 and level 2 listening skills (I explain these in the episode). We all LOVE a story. And there’s plenty of research out there on why we naturally engage in them.

And in any conversation with a family member, friend or stranger, where we want to create a meaningful outcome, story telling is a rich pool where we can find connection with others.

However!

When I was considering this, my feeling was that there’s an area around that pool that might seep into the slightly boggy land of gossip - and I think it’s a fascinating and sometimes obscure divide between the two.

And this is not to say that gossip doesn’t have its purpose - I talk a that too - but my sense is that SIMPLY noticing when the conversation starts straying into the land of ‘ooh, have you heard…’ could be something that really serves us, and serves those around us.

Quick note...
This reflection on what may benefit from our attention isn’t about the type of gossip that’s sharing someone else’s confidence or secret, or speaking maliciously about another person - I think we already know why that doesn’t benefit us or others.

It’s an attempt to explore the subtler realm of when things tip into that place when part of us may start to feel uncomfortable.

And my sense is that even thinking about this and writing this episode has sparked some discomfort for me - you may notice some as you listen - and it’s when we get those kind of cues in our body that I think there’s something asking for our attention. So I’m turning toward it - and maybe there’s something in here that you’ll find it useful in some way too.

Henny x

TO CONNECT
https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/

REFERENCES
Robin Dunbar, Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language (Harvard University Press, 1998)

Dunbar et al., “Human Conversational Behavior” (Human Nature, Sept. 1997)

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-science-of-gossip/

How would you describe yourself?

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, writer, coach.

When I first started showing my face on Instagram a few years ago, they’re the words I used

It felt true at the time - and seemed the best way to explain the breadth of me, not too tightly defined and seemed to go some way to expressing the importance of my wider life. Because in the past I would have likely described myself primarily by my job - so this felt like a big step forward.

But.

Now I’m much less certain about using terms like this - not that there’s anything UNtrue about them but rather choosing curiosity about what I am attaching myself to.

And it’s led me to explore this idea of SELF and IDENTITY more fully.

How do we identify our SELF - or rather, WHAT do we identify WITH in order to define who we ARE?

This is a BIG and very JUICY topic. And, as ever, deserves our most compassionate awareness as we explore it. I would love to hear your thoughts.

In the podcast I share some of the background to this year's Practical Compassion Retreats. Four retreats, held on-line on Saturday mornings across the year. To join us, sign up here... https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/retreats-and-events

How is it to sit with what we're experiencing?

What are the devices, distractions, diversions we use to break a moment - to avoid the risk of discomfort that might come with a challenging feeling, conversation or thought?

And what are the techniques, tools, treats we use to augment a moment - to enhance something that is already wonderful into being something 'more'?

And when we do these things... what's their TRUE impact?

An exploration of how it is to SIT with what we're feeling - positive or challenging.

ABOUT YOU

To explore your own reflections, go to hennyflynn.co.uk and book a free discovery call to see how coaching with Henny could support you in your own change journey.

An invitation to explore what it is our habitual behaviours give us - and what they take from us. To see how they SERVE us, in their entirety.

To look inside and see what is attached to the behaviour that holds it in place - and through a process of disentanglement, to then see what would serve us even more fully.

A question here can be - what's the ROI (the Return on Investment)? For the energy that you're putting into an action, habit, behaviour - is it returning what you most need?

BY THE WAY...
This episode was recorded pre-Christmas, so don't get confused when you hear me mention it!

To explore your own reflections, go to hennyflynn.co.uk and book a free discovery session to see how coaching with Henny could support you.

What stops a space feeling just right?
From Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs through to research on the challenges of hot desking and the realities of working from home; perched at the kitchen table... this episode explores how do we create the most conducive space for us to be FULLY present.

I also raise the question of what are the unspoken rules we've created or adopted - the rules that somehow determine the way we're using a space.

And from there, what are the tiny changes we can make to the space we're in, so we can REALLY belong.

Henny x
https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/

Shop The Heart of Change, my NEW book
https://www.shookbop.com/products/the-heart-of-change-by-henny-flynn

If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

Watch the unedited version on YouTube... https://youtu.be/7SKqR-XqxTM and please do subscribe for future episodes

Today's episode is not a podcast as such.

It is a Christmas gift to yourself, a moment of deep self-compassion. And an opportunity to expand that field of compassion ever wider to encompass those you love, those you barely know, those with whom you have difficulty and those you have not yet met.

We all know that this time of the festive season brings its own challenges and joys. Our compassion (for ourselves and others) can feel like it is worn a little thin. This practice enables us to refuel ourselves. Dousing ourselves in that feeling of compassion, to support us throughout the days ahead.

Find a space. Walk, lie down, sit. Whatever feels best for you today. And listen.

As ever I send you love and light.

Henny x

PS: For more meditations, see my work as a teacher on InsightTimer - and please do follow me there, to see when new meditations are added https://insighttimer.com/hennyflynn

Today's episode is a build on Series 5, Episode 3 - Freeing ourselves from the inner (and outer) clutter.
It was inspired by a message from my dear friend and frequent podcast guest, Susan McCulley: "I listened back to your wonderful Decluttering episode and took some notes / had some thoughts about where we might go with this…"

And so, this is where we went...

Decluttering is NOT just about 'things'. It is deeply associated with identity, memory, permanence (and impermanence). It is TENDER work - and demands our compassion (in the gentlest way!)

Four powerful questions that arose for us, as we talked, were...

Ask yourself:
- Is this the best way to use my energy? (Acknowledging it takes energy to hold onto things)
- What am I holding onto within this item?
- What do I want this space / house / chair to feel like?

And, ask the object:
- How does it feel to be released?

To connect with Susan...
Go to her website http://www.susanmcculley.com/ OR
Join her wonderful Facebook group - The Age of Becoming https://www.facebook.com/groups/411723369813607

REFERENCES
https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/s5-3-freeing-ourselves-from-the-inner-outer-clutter

How Pleasure Works, Paul Bloom (this is the book I was trying to recall!)

https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-26/edition-8/psychology-stuff-and-things

What is the wisdom you have gathered to you?

One of the things we’ll be exploring in the next retreat is how WINTER is a time of turning inward - the leaves have fallen, the crops have been harvested, the stores are full - and within that is the metaphor of seeing the wisdom (the crops) you have gathered to you. That you are now storing, ready for when they need to be used.

What wisdom can you gather from reflecting on what changed for you since you first...

Began a new job?
Moved into a new home?
Started a new school?
Embarked on a new relationship?
Met someone who would become a dear friend for the first time?

What was your mindset at the start - and how did it change? What does that reflection show you of what you have learnt? And how can you bring that with you into new experiences.

So often, we barrel through life, without taking the time to stop and listen and see what we are learning.

In this time of Winter, metaphorical or literal, we have an opportunity to rest in that wisdom, to allow it to settle within us - so it is there, always ready, for us to apply to the life we live now.

Some of the things I reflect on today include...

Whether we see this time of WINTER as literal or metaphorical - it’s message is clear - it is a time to allow ourselves to REST.
Through so much of life, we are trained to stay up in our heads, disconnected with the natural rhythms of the seasons - in our ‘always on’ culture everything must happen all the time.
But we have to have times of rest - other wise nothing new can grow.

Through an exploration of my own reflections on our recent move to a new home - and the wisdom our old home imparted to us - this is an invitation to see your own wisdom you have gathered...

And to see how you wish to store it over winter, so it's ready for you when you most need it.

With love

Henny x
https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/

Shop The Heart of Change, my NEW book
https://www.shookbop.com/products/the-heart-of-change-by-henny-flynn

If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

Watch the unedited version on YouTube... https://youtu.be/0n5TjYRGYX0 and please do subscribe for future episodes

This bonus episode is a recording of a new poem to My darling girl.

A love letter to that special depth of friendship between women.

Of course, deep friendship is not an exclusively female experience but this poem was inspired by my own friendships with the women in my life. As ever, I hope it speaks, in some way, to you too.

To buy the published collection, go to https://www.shookbop.com/products/my-darling-girl-by-henny-flynn or order through Waterstones.

My darling girl

Love like this takes many forms

Couched in hugs and hand-held, arm-brushed touch

Whispered with a smile that’s such only you two can read

Laughed into being with being loved in turn

Love like this has many names

Mother, daughter, sister, friend

A blurring of the boundaries

The unites us all into a single soul

A boundless bounty without end

Love like this is multi-hued

Each colour cascading upward into light

Lifting hearts and minds alike

And while it might not feel a common gift

Love like this is not hard to find

A precious joy from the infinite divine

With love
Henny x

What does it mean to be confident? How do we find it? What happens when it disappears?

I'm joined today by my friend and fellow coach, Debbie Pugh.

The founder of The Quiet Network, Debbie has a wealth of experience in exploring self-confidence, both for herself and her clients.

I found this conversation deeply enriching as we explored a range of ideas, beliefs and behaviours that can contribute to - and detract from - a feeling of self-confidence.

Today, we discuss...

The distinction & balance between being an introvert or an extrovert
How our levels of self-confidence are affected by internal or external validation
How deep self-care can support us in developing and sustaining our self-confidence
What happens when our confidence plummets
How we often try to intellectualise our way out of a drop in confidence
How to reframe our language to reframe our experience of things that knock our confidence
How our inner parts - our child self or adolescent self - can be activated when things happen that make us feel less confident
Self-confidence is an energy - aligned directly with understanding what motivates us
How meditation can be a powerful tool in helping us observe what’s happening in our mind
Comparison is the thief of joy - and we can never know what others think or feel - non-judgemental observation is key
The transformative quality of the power dynamics of transactional analysis and the ++ mindset - and how we can CHOOSE to adopt the mindset that most serves us (and most serves our interactions with others)
Self-confidence at it’s heart is the deep knowledge of “I’m ok”
And we close with a quote from Planes, Trains & Automobiles… now, you didn’t expect that!

Always remember, everything is an experiment.

Henny x

Shop The Heart of Change at https://www.shookbop.com/products/theheartofchange

“What if we obsess about the things we love about ourselves?” Anon

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth” Rumi

REFERENCES
To find out more about the The Quiet Network, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/4018575698177917

Debbie also mentions Susan Cain's book, Quiet, which you can buy through bookshop.org

Recommended Reading on Bookshop.org
Books I love - psychology, neuroscience & mindfulness to make & manage deep & lasting change

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Today I am offering a meditation.

The invitation is to release whatever is taking your attention, and turn your gaze toward yourself. To rest, reflect. To settle. To breathe. To listen.

This has been a big week for me, personally.

My second book, The Heart of Change was published, it's been World Menopause Day which has meant leading webinars with organisations as well as hosting events myself. And, we are edging ever closer to some major personal changes, as our son prepares to move into his own flat and we prepare to move from our family home... and move to a new family home in another part of the country.

As one friend put it 'there's an awful lot going on'.

And, of course, we have all had times where there's an awful lot going on; whether sought or received.

This meditation is a reflection on the simplicity and the complexity of 'BEING WITH'.

As ever, I hope this finds you well, safe, happy and at ease.

Sent with love

Henny x

What do you think, feel, believe about change?

This is the question we're asking today.

We've all inherited stories through our family line, through our care-givers, through people we've learnt from, people we've worked with.

And these stories can influence the way we feel about change. We may see it as something to be avoided at all costs - or leapt into. Or (more likely) a combination of the two.

My new book, The Heart of Change, is published this month.

And it explores change from the perspective of what we think, feel, believe about change - because by doing this exploration we are better able to understand the approach that's best for us, as individuals. We're also better able to understand what changes will most serve us - and what may be driving the desire to change.

There are 5 core parts of the book - each filled with self-reflection opportunities, exercises to explore and journaling prompts to consider. Some of the questions that arise as we explore our own 'heart of change' can be:

What does change mean to you, personally?
What helps you create balance in your life, to support you in times of change?
How is resilience learnt, developed, accessed?
Where can we embrace disruption as something beautiful in our lives?
What accompanies emergence as we come through a time of change?

The book is an invitation to explore. To write. To feel. To create.

I hope you love reading it, and working through it, as much as I have loved creating it.

With love

Henny x

Shop The Heart of Change
https://www.shookbop.com/products/the-heart-of-change-by-henny-flynn

If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

Watch the unedited version on YouTube... and please do subscribe for future episodes

Susan wrote to me recently and said:

"I've been thinking a lot about the idea of dressing/style as a kind of self expression and full showing up as opposed to dressing for others. The off shoot thought is that exercise can be the same: can I choose movement that feels great to me, what I love, as opposed to exercising to look a certain way or burn calories or as penance for what I've eaten."

Her deeper reflection was wondering whether exercising this intentional CHOICEFULNESS in the things we use to adorn ourselves, or how we move our body, starts being about whether we can be fully intentional about ALL the choices that we make.

In the episode we explore our own attitudes and learnt beliefs about clothes, makeup, jewellery & exercise, and how those have changed over the years. Focussing on a few core questions...

Where does the line get drawn between self-protection and self-expression?
How do we square the BELIEFS we may hold, eg about make-up or clothes being a feminist issue, with what we FEEL to be right for US?
What are the societal stories we’ve inherited or are carrying?
Who or what is driving the choices we make?

Ultimately the question comes down to... are we making choices from a place of love or fear?

How do these reflections land with you? What are your thoughts? We would LOVE to hear. Come and share your thoughts over on the Henny Flynn Facebook group or connect with Susan...

www.susanmcculley.com

The Age of Becoming

Henny x

**As a word of warning, this episode contains a moment of strong language, when I share a story from my childhood.

REFERENCES**

The TED talk Susan mentioned that insipired this episode... https://www.stasiasavasuk.com/ted-x
Karen Arthur, the founder of #WearYourHappy

To support the podcast, please have a browse on bookshop.org. A brilliant & ethical alternative to Amazon. It's where you'll find all the books I mention in the episodes and a small proportion of all sales goes toward supporting the show.

Recommended Reading on Bookshop.org
Books I love - psychology, neuroscience & mindfulness to make & manage deep & lasting change

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Of all the podcast episodes I’ve recorded so far - and there are over 50 of them now - the most listened to is the one with Lucy Cowan on Grief, Compassion & Recovery.

Lucy is a trained Grief Recovery practitioner and I came across her at a time when several dear friends were each facing into their own grief. The timing, of course, was no coincidence, and the conversation with Lucy has been immensely helpful, not just to me personally but to so many people who’ve listened.

The important thing here is that Lucy wasn’t promising an ENDING of the feelings of GRIEF, but rather a way of being with what IS.

What Eckhart Tolle calls the ISness in his profound books the Power of Now and Stillness Speaks.

At the time of being surrounded by loved ones experiencing their own ISness, I wrote an entry in my journal about how it is to support others when they are going through times of pain.

As with all my journal entries - and with everything personal I share here - this is not intended to be ‘an answer’ - every grief, every relationship, every person is perfectly and beautifully unique.

What it is is a personal reflection that may spark reflections for you too.

It’s titled, simply, DAY 419 - and I share it on the episode.

Many of my journal entries are accompanied by letters to My Darling Girl. These are pieces of prose or poetryish - some of which are now gathered in a collection called, appropriately, My Darling Girl.

At first I thought they were love letters written to my inner self - but now I realise they are written to all the girls & women we have ever been.

This one caught my eye as I was preparing this episode. At the time I wrote it, it meant something very different to me.

But, as I’ve realised from the many many messages I’ve received from people who’ve read My Darling Girl, the meaning of these love letters changes with time, and with who is reading them.

Today, this feels like it connects with times of love and loss.

It is called: I Have You

If you haven’t yet heard Lucy and her own deeply moving story of love and loss, then I invite you to have a listen https://hennyflynn.co.uk/s4-09-grief-compassion-recovery-with-lucy-cowan.

And

If you’d like to buy any of the books we talk about in any of the episodes, you can find them all on bookshop.org. A brilliant and ethical alternative to Amazon, from which a small proportion will go toward supporting the podcast.

Recommended Reading on Bookshop.org
Books I love - psychology, neuroscience & mindfulness to make & manage deep & lasting change

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

What are you holding onto that you no longer truly need?

This is a question we can all ask ourselves - it's one I'm facing into right now, in a practical way, as we prepare to move home. And there's a powerful metaphor here of what are we holding within us that's no longer serving us?

In this wide-ranging episode of the podcast, I explore...

How in the past we would have cleared out the RAM in our computers, but now we simply buy more digital space
How holding onto stuff has become normalised with the huge increase in people using storage units
How the stories we carry, the limiting beliefs we cling to, the emotional history we hold onto all take up space in our heads (and our hearts)
How physical & emotional pain also take up space
How meditation helps create white space
How the practice of freeing up our physical and emotional environments helps us think and breathe more freely

REFERENCES

How Pleasure Works, Paul Bloom
https://uk.bookshop.org/books/how-pleasure-works-why-we-like-what-we-like/9780099548768?aid=8926

The Psychology of Stuff & Things
https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-26/edition-8/psychology-stuff-and-things

Recommended Reading on Bookshop.org
Books I love - psychology, neuroscience & mindfulness to make & manage deep & lasting change

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

My guest today shares how her time in the military and the challenges she faced as a young woman combined to help her reach the Gentle place.

Debbie Edwards is a transformational leadership coach and energy healer.

In our conversation, we explore:

The importance of a gentle / compassionate stance in the workplace - and how hard it can feel when it’s conditioned out of us - and its wider implications for our health and well-being (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially)
Debbie's powerful story of what led her to the work she does with The Gentle Leader
Key tools that we can all understand and absorb into our daily patterns to dissolve the stories and patterns we carry that 'toughness' is synonymous with survival.

Debbie shows us how to thrive, personally and in business, even when times are hard. To connect with her, find her on Instagram @thegentleleader

To connect with me, go to hennyflynn.co.uk - and if you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

It’s taken me such a long time to work out how to begin this new series.

Not through lack of willingness - perhaps in fact through too much WILLingness!

I’ve thought and thought and thought and thought - and then I remembered that what I actually need to do is FEEL.

So I did that instead - and it showed me the way in.

Today's reflections include...

Sometimes we need to slow down to speed up.
We can’t ignore the longer term benefits of deep relaxation.
We don’t need to fix what has never been broken.

For more... hennyflynn.co.uk

Recommended Reading on Bookshop.org
Books I love - psychology, neuroscience & mindfulness to make & manage deep & lasting change

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

How can we begin to recover from Grief?

When I explored bereavement counselling for myself, a few years ago, I heard that it’s best not to approach it until 6-months or so has passed. The idea being that until that first wave has passed, we’re not ready to explore how to move forward.

But, this gentle advice left me feeling a little lost. Unsure how to process or manage things in the waiting period until I could get support.

I admit I didn’t pursue it any further - so much of my energy was taken up with just getting by that I didn’t have enough resources to also find the support I needed. So, I may have been misguided in my understanding but it’s something I’ve also heard from others since.

It’s left me feeling that there must be another way.

My guest today is a deputy head teacher and an advanced grief recovery practitioner. She helps people move through grief (whatever grief they may be feeling - she shares more on the different types of grief there are), using a process developed in the States.

Lucy has her own history of grief, which she shares with beautiful and generous candour. And as a teacher, you'll hear how she loves that this process is focussed on educating people in tools we can all use to help us move through future grief - with deep self-compassion.

Henny x

FULL SHOW NOTES - hennyflynn.com

CONTACT LUCY - griefuk.org/lucy/

GRATITUDE - changomusic.com/

Today’s episode is a chance to dance through some of the areas we explore in the Season Retreats.

These retreats are all about INTENTION SETTING.

Each one designed to help us consider what it is we wish to draw to us over the coming season.

An intention is a feeling that arises that informs a SHORT, POSITIVE statement in the PRESENT tense as though it is already happening. Today I share some of the neuroscience behind why intention setting works and a simple practice for feeling into your own intention.

We'll also explore how to create and use an affirmation or mantra that you can use every day - or throughout your day - to help you shape your experience.

You may have specific changes you’re contemplating right now. In which case, aligning your intention with the outcome you desire can be a really powerful way of supporting yourself in managing that change in the most beneficial way.

Or it may be you'd like to honour how you want to be feeling over the coming months. And you may choose to craft an intention that helps you shape what that feeling is, and how it is to be with it.

And if you don’t have something specific, that’s ok too - this art is a gentle one. A beautiful intention can simply be the METTA, or loving kindness meditation of: “I am safe, I am well, I am happy, I live with ease”.

During the episode I share a short reflective exercise that is best done when you're somewhere you can rest, close your eyes and feel into whatever arises.

With love
Henny x

I'm back with the wonderful Susan McCulley. And today we have a tender topic.

When discussing shame it feels so essential to hold ourselves gently.

We touch on areas that may feel challenging. We explore aspects of our own responses to shame, and the associated emotions that connect with it. We traverse the landscape of shame to see how we can hold ourselves with ever-deeper compassion.

There are many angles to a conversation about shame. Our attention today is focussed on how we can normalise the feelings we associate with a sense of shame and how we can differentiate her from her sisters - sadness, embarrassment, guilt, anger, despair, neglect, disappointment...

This feels like an important subject because the more we can identify what we're feeling, the less we are identified by those feelings.

Toward the end of the conversation we landed on an idea that affected us both deeply. And brought tears to my eyes.

Ultimately the message is one of whole acceptance of who we are.

Henny x

PLEASE NOTE... At the beginning of our conversation, Susan leads us through an exercise to grounds us all as we embark on this conversation. The very initial part (feeling into your feet) can be done when in car, but please note the rest of the exercise involves your hands too - so won’t be possible when driving!

Some of the things we discuss include…

How our ancient animal brain responds to experiences and creates shame because of our deep fear of being shunned
The Gottman Institute have created an emotion wheel (see the link below) that helps us understand the subtlety and breadth of what we feel
Shame arises when we know we’re not being TRUE to ourselves
We can carry shame with us throughout our lives - and can inherit it from others, from our conditioning or from societal mores
Shame is a primal emotion and we ALL have it.
Shame hates to be talked about so secrecy is its language - the more we deny or refuse to talk about shame, the more we have.
Shame is ‘I am bad (and I can’t change that)’ - guilt is ‘I did something bad (and I have a choice to change it)’
There is a depth and breadth to our emotional landscape - developing our language of emotion helps us differentiate what we’re feeling and that in turn helps us see that the feeling of Shame per se could be built on something else… sadness, embarrassment, guilt…
Everything we feel is offering up something to us

CONTACT SUSAN

www.susanmcculley.com
The Age of Becoming

REFERENCES

Brene Brown - Shame podcast
The Gottman Institute - feelings wheel
Dr. Robert Plutchik
Tara Brach

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

CONNECT

The Regroup Hour on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/theregrouphour

What language does your body speak?

My guest this week says: "When you understand your hormones and the impact they have on every aspect of your life, you are then in a position to choose what’s best for you to feel your most vibrant."

Abi Adams has created a unique approach to menstrual cycle health, exercise and emotional wellbeing, and offers her clients tools she's travelled the world to learn over the last 20 years to create a clear cut route of sustainable health.

I experienced some of her magic when I hosted a talk she gave, where she invited us to feel how it feels when we move freely. I found her approach and vitality refreshing and so have invited her to join us today to share some of her wisdom.

Abi now focusses on women but her background includes working with men too. We’ll be exploring how important it is for women & men to pay the same careful attention to their hormones and well-being.

Abi is unafraid. She addresses topics that some of us may find hard to explore. As ever I am fascinated to listen to a range of perspectives and I hope you too enjoy the way she is willing to challenge thinking.

SEE THE FULL SHOW NOTES www.hennyflynn.co.uk

Henny x

CONTACT ABI

Prøject Wøman
www.abiadams.co.uk

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

CONNECT

The Regroup Hour on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/theregrouphour

What happens when our choice to change gets questioned?

How many times have you observed - in yourself, or someone else - a desire to JUSTIFY something that you’re doing - that you KNOW is really benefiting you… really serving you but that you suspect the other person won’t quite GET?

Maybe it’s a little embarrassing to admit that you’ve adopted a new habit or behaviour that feels out of the ordinary for someone ‘like you’ - perhaps in your family, community, friendship group or culture these things aren’t the norm… and so we can either end up justifying them or caveating what we’re doing, to ward off the anticipated ridicule or judgment or cynicism.

I’ve heard myself doing it.

Making jokes about things I learnt to do that helped me create greater calm in my life - which, quite frankly is NO joke!

And, of course, sometimes we’re on the other side of it. Where WE’RE the ones being cynical.

This episode explores how it feels when we choose to do something different.

SEE FULL SHOW NOTES - www.hennyflynn.co.uk or watch on YOUTUBE

Henny x

REFERENCES

The Heart of Change, by Henny Flynn https://www.shookbop.com/products/the-heart-of-change-by-henny-flynn
Dr Kristin Neff - www.selfcompassion.org

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

CONNECT

The Regroup Hour on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

How can we relax into sleeping well... rather than striving to sleep 'better'?

I met Dr. Kat when I was hosting an evening presentation, and she was the guest speaker. I was so impressed by her approach to the work that she does - and the huge range of knowledge she holds - that I immediately invited her to join me as a guest here.

Dr. Kat Lederle, PhD, MSc, is Somnia’s sleep scientist and chronobiologist.

She holds a PhD in Human Circadian Physiology and Behaviour, and an MSc in Biosciences and is one of the leading experts in the field of sleep therapy.

Her approach to sleep and circadian health is compassionate and holistic and draws on the latest scientific evidence and proven behavioural change techniques.

Through this conversation Dr. Kat shares the foundations of what helps us sleep WELL.

After we finished recording she also shared with me the crucial distinction between sleeping WELL and sleeping ‘better’. ‘Better’ implies there is something to be judged about the way we sleep.

We sleep how we sleep.

The art is finding ways to support us in sleeping well. And listening to Dr. Kat is one of those ways.

Henny x

This is some of what we covered:

Her research into sleep and why it’s such a crucial area for us all to pay attention to - for our health and well-being (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially)
The work she does within Somnia to support 100s of people in managing their own sleep patterns to rest better
What led her to this work through her own life journey
The background to writing SLEEP SENSE and key tools that we can all understand and absorb into our daily patterns
The fundamental principles of how we get good rest (Physical, emotional, hormonal etc)
The impact it has on our lives when we do / don’t rest well
What can get in the way of sleep… And how can we manage if/when that happens

Henny x

CONTACT Dr. Kat

E: katharina@somnia.org.uk
L: linkedin.com/in/katharinalederle
W: somnia.org.uk and https://somnia.org.uk/offer/sleep-programmes/for-women/
Twitter & Instagram: @somniasleepwell
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Somniasleepwell

Resources:

Kat has shared books and websites listed here including her own book

https://somnia.org.uk/bookshelf/

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus McLeod at changomusic.com for his music and production.

This episode was particularly important to me personally (well... let’s face it - ALL the episodes are important to me personally!), but this one felt particularly so…

30 years ago, I met Sarah Rozenthuler - then the girlfriend of my housemate at University… now a psychologist, coach and author.

She has been part of my own change journey, sometimes in very subtle ways, but always there along the way. In this conversation you’ll hear why.

Her immense resource of wisdom and compassion is palpable in the conversation as we explore this idea of Purpose - the subject of her latest book Powered by Purpose.

And while she now specialises in working with top leaders across the world, the principles she shares apply to us all.

This is some of what we covered:

Sarah’s journey and what brought her here
The meaning of purpose and what it brings to our lives
The importance of the neutral zone, or transitional zone, between endings & beginnings (see too, Season 4, Episode 3 - All Change Begins with an Ending)
How we can ALL discover and live by our own PERSONAL purpose
Her lessons for us all in terms of her work - and her personal growth - over this past year
What she has observed have been the greatest challenges & opportunities for those she works with

Henny x

PS: The person who's name I couldn't remember was Richard Boyatzis! Have included his wonderful book below

Sarah Rozenthuler, CEO, Founder and Author www.bridgeworkconsulting.com

Powered by Purpose - Order your copy here

See these upcoming events from Sarah

A half-day masterclass on team purpose that she is co-leading on 18th June
The Activating Purpose-Led Leadership programme - new dates coming soon for autumn 2021

REFERENCES

Neale Donald Walsh Conversations with God
Richard Boyatzis, PhD with Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten - Helping People Change

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus McLeod at changomusic.com for his music and production.

“Every beginning is a consequence. Every beginning ends something.” Paul Valéry

Shifting into changes means sensing the new beginning ahead of us.

AND

Saying goodbye to what went before.

Endings are crucial to positive change. Whether that’s about shifting into a new life stage, a new job, a new mindset. And they’re often ignored - or rushed past.

In this episode I share some things in my own life that are coming to a close - and explore what it takes to create good endings, in order to build strong beginnings.

What endings are you facing?
How do you want to create your own new beginnings?
Endings can also be what happens when we decide to let something GO emotionally.
William Bridges - an expert on change - saw that there’s a difference between CHANGE & TRANSITION
We ALL respond differently to change - we’re seeing this in technicolour with the shifts into and out of lockdown & all the different experiences people are having
The useful thing is to be aware of how change makes you feel - and then manage that, so you either don’t LEAP at change, as a way of avoiding other things that perhaps feel painful or challenging (definitely part of my own MO). Or AVOID change, because of fear - and then end up limiting your options, your life choices because of that - and perhaps miss out on something that would really fuel you.
Bridges model has 3 stages - ENDINGS, TRANSITION (or neutral) & NEW BEGINNINGS. It’s important we’re aware of all three - choosing to make a change, means BEING AWARE of what we are ENDING.

If there’s something you’re exploring right now and want some support with making your own change - with creating your own ending, building your own bridge and reaching your own new beginning, you know where I am.

I've also shared the piece from My Darling Girl below.

Henny x

REFERENCES

My darling girl - Henny Flynn

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus McLeod at changomusic.com for his music and production.

I am so delighted to say that once again I’m in conversation with the marvellous Susan McCulley.

This episode builds on our most recent episode together, at the end of Series 3 - all about honouring what we need when we need it most.

I’ve titled this episode ‘Hope is now’ as it was essentially where we landed with our explorations. And then Susan shared this quote from David Roberts:

“Hope isn’t about the future as much as it is about the present."

So it seems we were in good company with our reflections.

Charles Snyder says “A rainbow is a prism that sends shards of multicoloured light in various directions. It lifts our spirits and makes us think of what is possible. Hope is the same – a personal rainbow of the mind.”

In the UK, we’ve all seen Rainbows being used for the NHS through this time of COVID - a symbol of hope to support us during the dark times.

Through this conversation, Susan and I explore hope from all angles - what it means to feel hopeless and how it is to feel hopeful.

SEE FULL SHOW NOTES - www.hennyflynn.co.uk

Henny x

CONTACT SUSAN

www.susanmcculley.com
The Age of Becoming https://www.facebook.com/groups/411723369813607

REFERENCES

https://theadultchair.com/
Carol Dweck - Growth Mindsets

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

CONNECT

The Regroup Hour on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

We’ve all seen over the past year how houses in more remote (and beautiful) parts of the country have become so sought after. People leaving where they’ve lived for many years to move to the countryside… escaping city life… moving to a new life.

There are many things that drive a drastic move or change in direction. Sometimes it’s a sharp realisation of ‘if not now, when?’ And at other times, we may be being subconsciously driven by fear.

Sometimes it’s hard to know.

In this episode I explore what can drive us into change, and how to see what’s motivating our actions.

SEE FULL SHOW NOTES - www.hennyflynn.co.uk

Henny x

REFERENCES

In the Realm of The Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Matte
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van Der Kolk

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

CONNECT

The Regroup Hour on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

This episode was inspired by two personal, challenging events... that each required a moment to regroup, to come back to self.
One of the events we discuss really belongs to my husband - here I share my experience of his story. And the other belongs to my guest today, the wonderful Susan McCulley.

Susan joined me in a previous conversation. That was the first time we'd spoken - and we knew we'd want to speak again!

So, I've asked her back to share more of her wisdom in this, our 37th episode, and the final one in this Series. (Series 4 will arrive in a few weeks time).

This episode covers the importance of how we care for ourselves in the moment when things feel hard to handle.

We include Susan's own experience of panic attacks and how she's learnt to handle them, and tips and tools to help us all in challenging times - I think of them as First Aid.

As ever, there's more information in the show notes and further resources to explore.

I'm very mindful that we're all in another period of transition, so this feels a timely moment to be having this conversation. I hope you find it useful and I look forward to being with you in Series 4.

Henny x
henny@reegroup.co.uk

PS: There are limited spaces left in the next Season Retreat - SUMMER, Sat June 5 - it would be wonderful to welcome you there x

FULL SHOW NOTES
https://www.reegroup.co.uk/s3-11-honouring-what-we-need-when-we-need-it

CONTACT SUSAN

www.susanmcculley.com

The Age of Becoming https://www.facebook.com/groups/411723369813607

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus McLeod at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY

THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

Yoga Nidra is top of my personal self-care tool-kit.

I use it for the long-term benefits it brings AND as a form of first aid whenever I feel tired and want to regather my energy, or if I feel that something is overwhelming me and I need to restore my sense of balance.

If you're driving or walking or working on something, wait until you're somewhere you can fully relax and do nothing at all.

Yoga Nidra is something I often recommend to clients as its benefits are immediate and lasting. And I'm seeing the need for this kind of deep self-care all around me - in myself, in clients and in those I love and care for.

So, in this penultimate episode of series 3 of the podcast, with everything we are all experiencing right now, I felt it could be the right time to give ourselves this gift of deep rest and relaxation.

This is a chance to put everything down, to settle in and allow yourself to fully relax.

The instructions are simple. Lie down. Get comfortable. Put a blanket over you. And listen to my voice.Henny x

FULL SHOW NOTES... https://www.reegroup.co.uk/s3-10-yoga-nidra-for-rest-repair

REFERENCES

Insight Timer - for more meditations & talks https://insighttimer.com/reegroup

Article in Huffington Post: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-yoga-nidra-works_b_58efcea5e4b048372700d692

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY

THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

In 2015 I went to see a hypnotist, to see if she could help me stop smoking for good.

This was before I'd learnt what I now know about what creates habits and drives behaviour and I was struggling with how to embed the change. I knew I needed some expert support.

The woman I saw quite literally changed my life and I haven't smoked since. She also opened my mind to the ability we all have to change things that no longer serve us.

My guest today is Erika Flint. An award-winning hypnotist with a big heart.

She shares her personal 'wake-up call' of what brought her to re-training to help others create and cement life-changing steps. She has a clear philosophy of what can most support us in making and managing change. I loved the conversation and I hope you do too.

Erika also offers a wonderfully simple technique that helps us reset our body and mind in just a few minutes. Go to the show notes to download this free gift.I've been using it ever since we spoke - and if you join the next Season retreat, you might not be surprised to see it included there!

As ever I hope this finds you well and I wish you joy.

Henny x

FULL SHOW NOTES - and link to the YouTube video of our conversation...
http://reegroup.co.uk/s3-9-exploring-hypnosis-with-erika-flint

REFERENCES

For Erika's new book, the website is: http://AcademyOfEternity.com and the planned pub. date is April 14 2021 (please note, this date may change).

Website: https://cascadehypnosiscenter.com/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/cascadehypnosiscenter

Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/erikaflint/

Twitter https://twitter.com/CascadeHypnosis

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY

THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

Today's guest was quite simply a joy to spend time with.

Katie Hess is someone whose purpose and passion shines from within and I think you're going to love meeting her too.

This is an opportunity to hear how flower botanicals can become part of our journey of change.

Just as you may already use essential oils, this takes that experience to a whole new level. I've been using them myself and am loving the results - from creating focus through the Inspired Action aura mist to instilling calm through the Open Heart flower elixir.

Katie is on a mission to share her passion and I loved hearing what inspired her and how botanicals and flowers have been such a formative part of her own life story.

And if you're inspired by Katie's story to explore them yourself, I'm delighted to say that LotusWei have offered a 15% discount to all our listeners. Just use the CODE: PODCAST on lotuswei.com.

As ever I hope this finds you well and I wish you joy.

Henny x
henny@reegroup.co.uk
https://www.reegroup.co.uk

FULL SHOW NOTES
http://reegroup.co.uk/s3-8-the-flowers-that-pave-our-path-with-katie-hess-lotuswei

REFERENCES

https://www.lotuswei.com/ - Use code PODCAST for 15% off your first order.

https://www.instagram.com/lotuswei/

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY

THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

This week we’re in conversation with another wonderful guest… recorded with a live audience.

Canadian born, now living in Holland, Dr Jenn Salib-Huber is a Registered Dietitian and Naturopathic Doctor but let’s make it clear, while we ARE talking about eating, we are NOT talking about dieting!
As any regular listeners to the show will know, my own relationship with food has been on a long journey to get to where I am today.

Since completely reframing my own attitudes and choosing to ‘eat food that loves me’, rather than food I thought I loved, I feel like I now sit comfortably in my body - complete with all its perfect imperfections. Wrinkles and saggy parts included!

To clarify why I wanted to share Jenn’s work, here’s an extract from her website:
“Like so many women, I began dieting at a young age and went on to become a “professional dieter”. I longed to see the “thin ideal” staring back at me in the mirror for most of my adult years. But despite doing all the “right” things, exercising, trying every new diet, AND getting two degrees related to nutrition, my body fought back.”

Jenn also happens to be a woman in peri-menopause. And this has become her area of specialism. She now works with women who are struggling to manage the changes that come with peri-menopause and menopause and are looking for effective evidence-based integrative treatment options and practical nutrition advice.

However! The approach she shares in the episode applies to us all.

In fact I would say her whole philosophy is that there is no one-size-fits-all, and so there are no rules here. Just expertise and experience presented with warm-hearted clarity.

I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed speaking with her.

Henny x

"Thank you so much, love fish so that’s going to increase. Be interesting to put this into practice & also research some more."
"Thank you Henny and Jen. As usual a very positive topic that we can all take some thing from. I have total "Ah!!" Moments. Thank you thank you thank you xx"
"Thank you so much Jenn and Henny! Great chat! Really enjoyed it! so positive!!"
"This has been a wonderful chat - I feel really cared for!"
REFERENCES
To explore working with Jenn, find her here on Instagram... Www.Instagram.com/menopause.nutritionist

GRATITUDE
Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.
WELCOME
Join the community, THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post) https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

I didn’t know what to focus this episode of the podcast on. Ordinarily I have a pretty clear idea, or something arises in the week and I think ‘oh, yes, that!’. But not this week.

This week it took until Friday afternoon for me to realise I still hadn’t recorded it - and still wasn’t sure what to record it on. Then I had a chat with Angus (he of the intro / outro music) and he reminded me of something I often talk about with clients; softening into the not-knowing. And then, of course, it became clear.

So, today is all about doubt.

And about how, sometimes, decisions can feel hard to find. And about remembering that life isn’t binary - we all live in the grey. I’m not suggesting a dismal murky grey here, but rather the kind of grey that Farrow & Ball would call Dawn Sky Grey or Underwing of a Cooing Dove…

To bring this to life, I’m sharing two pieces of writing.

On a connected note, I was a guest recently on another podcast (I’ll share when the episode is aired) and talked about the importance of journaling in my own change journey. The interviewer asked me if I ever went back and looked at what I’d written, well I occasionally do. And one of the pieces I’m sharing here is from my journal - day 84 to be precise.

The other piece is from My darling girl - an antidote to times of doubt.

REFERENCES

My darling girl - Henny Flynn (available from shookbop.com)
Day 84 of the journal - I've included this journal entry for you to read on Medium

There is a growing understanding that every woman’s menopause is different - and that what supports each woman is different too.

And yet, we can often hold an unconscious bias around what menopause is like for others. Our unconscious bias is part of how we make sense of the world - and once we know it's there, we have the opportunity to change.

A while ago a friend commented that menopause always seems to be addressed from the perspective of mothers. She called out that it’s an unconscious bias in language and attitude that can be totally unintentional - and can create deep discomfort.

It’s an observation that’s stuck with me and - in a desire to help change it - I’ve since talked with many women who’ve not had children (whether by choice or chance) to see if that’s their experience too.

One of those people was Debbie Lindsay… my guest today.

Debbie and I have known each other for many years and she’s kindly agreed to come and share her perspective and her story.

This episode explores menopause and fertility - it’s a thread that runs through the biological and psychological heart of what it means to be in menopause. And through Debbie’s story you'll hear us explore some of the often unsaid aspects of how it is to go through this deep change.

If you’re a man, and you’ve read this far, then thank you for understanding that this is not just a woman’s issue - just as feminism isn’t just for women either. Menopause directly affects every genetic female in the world - and indirectly affects us all. The more we can normalise - and de-stigmatise how we talk about it - the better for us all.

**And. On a day that's almost universally seen as a day of love (it's February 14th), I think this conversation is even more important. It's a story that highlights the importance of holding ourselves with love, through all the challenges we face.

Henny x**

REFERENCES

Christiane Northrup - Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom (this is a book I lent Debbie, that she then bought - we don’t actually discuss it on the podcast but you may find it useful too)

Menopause Support menopausesupport.co.uk

Fertility Network UK - facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/FertilityNetworkUK/

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME

Join the community, THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post) https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

Self-compassion is part of what builds our bed-rock of self-care - and what helps us develop self-awareness, which in turn is what helps us make and manage change.

This episode is adapted from a recent micro retreat I ran, all about how we can develop this important quality of self-compassion. It includes:

Thoughts on the science of self-compassion, and why it's so important for our well-being
A self-reflection exercise to explore your own inner critic - who may be getting in the way of your own sense of self-compassion
A short technique to help you access the feeling of self-compassion in your own body
A reading all about the importance of being kind to ourselves, from the poet Mark Nepo

As with every episode of the podcast - this is an invitation for exploration. If it raises things for you that feel like they’d benefit from some support, then please reach out… to me, to a good friend, to a therapist. You will have a sense of the best support route for you.

Here are some of the core points I cover...

Why self-compassion is so important - regardless of our gender and life-stage
Taking a moment to ground yourself, wherever you are
How self-compassion helps us by inducing changes in our autonomic nervous system - specifically the parasympathetic division
What happens when we’re not caring sufficiently for ourselves - and the self-preservation strategies we can put into place when we sense real or perceived threats, including the loss of empathy, creativity and the ability to problem solve
“With self-compassion we give ourselves the same kindness and care we give a good friend” - Dr Kristin Neff (the Queen of self-compassion - and leading research scientist in the criticality of self-compassion)
A study completed on nurses to support them with empathic distress fatigue - and how by teaching compassion techniques they were able to connect more with their patients, and personally suffered less at the impact of the work they were doing
The importance of feeling what we’re feeling - and accepting that emotion without suppressing it or trying to avoid it
The impact of the inner critic / inner judge - and how to recognise it / explore its source, using 5 self-reflection questions:
When I do something foolish I tell myself …
When I succeed at something my inner voice says…
When I’m feeling lazy I’ll tell myself…
When I get angry my inner voice says…
When I compare myself to others I’ll often hear myself say…

REFERENCES

Mark Nepo - The Book of Awakening

Dr Kristin Neff - self-compassion.org

The School of Life - The Book of Self-Knowledge

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME

Join the community, THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post) https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

Inspired by a conversation with my own coach. This episode asks what’s truly important to you - for your whole self - and what is it you’re no longer willing to compromise on…There's an important caveat to this idea of 'non-negotiables' - that they don't then lead us into a fixed mindset. It's about identifying what's truly in our best service and then creating the environment for us to put that into place.

Here are some of the core points I cover...

An exploration of my own patterns and the ‘rules’ I used to live by - and how have they changed… Leading into a question about what are yours? How are they changing? How would you like them to change?
When does something shift for you from being a nice-to-have and into a non-negotiable? And what are the boundaries you need to put into place to support that?
The things we hold to be ‘true’ are different for each of us - and they change / grow with us as we change and grow.
And honouring these things is critical both for ourselves and in how we allow space for others. And how others allow our space.
It can be useful to understand where these things we see as fundamental to our existence are born out of - and then see whether they’re truly being met right now. And if not, what could you put into place to better support them.
When we sense we’re acting out of alignment with these ‘non-negotiables’ it can indicate something about how our values are being honoured; leading to deep discomfort.
Noticing when something isn’t being allowed expression, can help us to reframe or reposition our perspective of what’s impacting us.
Conversely, making something non-negotiable can help us take the struggle out of a change we want to make. Enabling us to use more emphatic language - as a statement of intention*, that creates our new non-negotiable.

*An intention is a positive statement in the present tense

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME

Join the community, THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post) https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

This episode was recorded in December 2020 with embodied movement specialist, Susan McCulley.

**While the conversation begins with menopause it swiftly moves into the realms of how it is to care deeply for ourselves - from a multi-faced approach. These topics are relevant for us all - whatever gender you identify with, or life stage you find yourself in.

Susan McCulley has been a teacher, movement coach and writer since 2000. She is the creator of The Age of Becoming: Embodied Practices Empowering Women over 50 community, which offers free movement practices & workshops, connection, community and more.
Susan began by sharing she had recently been asked... "Has anything happened to you recently that made no sense at all - and yet made all the sense in the world?" It was a wonderful way to begin...**

What can support us during menopause - from accepting and trusting external and internal support to connecting intellectual knowing with embodied experience and engaging differently with food
How everything shifts and changes in mid-life - and the importance of the both/and of trusting an expert… leading to trusting yourself. With the importance of the question: “are you willing to make a change?”
Next we cover habitual thinking, comfort in the discomfort leading into the distinction between awkwardness & pain. And how, for some of us, it’s like physical movement has been trained out of us.
The power of being endlessly tender. We can see fear as birds fluttering until we sit with them with compassion - and then they settle. Which led Susan to share how instead of telling the fear voice (her ‘Pointy Girl’) to shut up, instead hold Pointy Girl with tenderness.
This led to reflections on the acts of aggression we can direct to tender parts of us - and an exploration of the differences between feminine power & leadership and masculine
Susan then share how fascia connective tissue holds everything together - leading to a me trying to remember the word for mycelium (we got there in the end!) and our connection to nature
We end with the beauty of The Crone and the alchemy of living to come to these qualities of presence and non-hierarchical respect

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME

Join the community, THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

REFERENCES

The podcast Susan referenced:

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-elizabeth-lesser-on-the-power-of-womens-stories/

ABOUT SUSAN www.susanmcculley.com

Susan has two illustrated books, Buddha Cat: Learning Awareness, Presence & Self-Care from a Teacher Who Sometimes Barfs on the Bed and Octabusy: Letting Go in a Sea of Doing.

on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/susanjmcculley/ and via email at sjmnia@gmail.com.

Join the FREE Age of Becoming: Embodied Practices Empowering Women over 50

Welcome back to series 3! This idea that began as a little idea nearly a year ago has resulted in 27 episodes and counting. Thank you so much for listening and for your comments, thoughts and reflections. It makes the creation of these episodes such a joy.

Over this episode we’ll look at a something that often arises at this time of year - but really is relevant at any time of year, at any time of our life.

I explore something I see as a key principle to how we change - the willingness to invest in ourselves. At the end of the episode, I pose three questions for self-reflection:

What does an investment in time spent with yourself mean to you?
What does investing your own money in yourself meant to you?
What does investing your energy in yourself meant to you?

To explore how it would be to work with me, one-to-one, to support you in your own change journey, email me and we’ll get a time in for a virtual coffee.

Henny x

henny@reegroup.co.uk

Order your copy of MY DARLING GIRL, love letters to all the girls and women we have ever been https://www.shookbop.com/products/my-darling-girl-by-henny-flynn

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY

THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

THE POSITIVE MENOPAUSE - for all women experiencing menopause (from peri to post)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thepositivemenopause

REFERENCES

Michael Singer - The Untethered Soul

KEY POINTS I COVER...

As usual we begin this year, not knowing what the months ahead will hold - and all we can do is face into them with the resources and knowledge we have to hand
There are many routes to finding what supports us and grounds us - with the key principle being that we are willing to invest in ourselves. There are three elements to what we need to invest in - and that’s what I’ll be covering
1) TIME - it's often something we sense we lack - here are some ways we can frame how we think about time and how we can invest it in ourselves, so it becomes a sacred thing.
Developing and strengthening boundaries can be a key component to how we ring-fence time for ourselves - if time for yourself always sits at the bottom of the list, this is a beautiful opportunity to see how you prioritise your needs
2) MONEY - this can be a complex area to think about but we can simplify our thinking
We can look at money as an energy exchange for a service we receive from another person or organisation to support us in our personal growth. And if we genuinely cannot afford to invest real money, we can commit to free support as though we have invested in it
3) ENERGY - commit yourself fully to whatever you choose to do, to whatever you decide is worthy of your attention
Michael Singer speaks of how our energy resources are not dependent on the food we eat or the rest we get (thought they’re important, of course), it’s also an internal resource that we create by how we’re motivated
Investing in these three areas refuels us and help us grow in our resilience - and I’ve seen how that happens in my own story
We cannot give what we haven’t got - so investing in ourselves is essential to us being able to continue to invest in, and pay our loving attention to, others.

We all inherit stories from others. Whether that’s from our family lines, society or powerful others who’ve imprinted their own stories upon our beliefs and behaviours.

As ever, with all of this work, the opportunity is to see what we have inherited and bring our compassion and non-judgemental observation to it… in order to see what we wish to continue to carry with us, and what we wish to respectfully release and return to those from whom we inherited it.

As with all episodes of The Regroup Hour, this is about creating the opportunity to come closer into connection with ourselves. And seeing who we really are beneath the stories that we carry.

| 4’46” | The generations of our family line stretch back behind us and each generation influences the one that follows - and passes on stories and narratives to future generations
| 7’40” | Noticing what we’ve inherited is not about blaming the source
| 12’05” | Our cultural heritage also transfers stories that can deeply influence our beliefs
| 13’55” | This is not about landing on the ‘source’ and ‘having the answers’ - rather it’s about allowing this idea to percolate and seeing what it reveals to us over time
| 16’25” | Money is often riven with complexity and can be a place of tension - where conflicting inherited narratives collide, especially when we have different stories being handed down to us from the two parental lines
| 22’46” | What are stories about our sense of masculinity and femininity that we’ve learnt - and how do they influence us throughout our life?
| 23’40” | Inherited stories can be like the cuckoo in our nest of thoughts - so that as it grows it dominates our thoughts, to such an extent that it engulfs the thoughts we’ve created for ourselves. What are the cuckoos in your nest of thoughts?
| 25’55” | It is critical we honour the source of our thoughts - we can take a beautiful stance here, where we thank the source (even when it’s complex or challenging) and acknowledge that we are choosing to take what we need and leave what no longer serves us.
| 30’40” | There can be a generational healing aspect to this process of seeing our inherited narratives - and can reveal to us new ways of being
| 33’10” | Love, friendship, parenting, resilience, self-care - they can all be influenced by the inherited stories we carry with us
| 37’30” | We’re seeing in lockdown how inherited stories of how we ‘must’ be at work - on what’s ok & what’s not ok - are being challenged and subverted. Showing how we can dramatically change things we had accepted as ‘truth’ and enable us to decide what actually feels true to us today.
| 40’22” | We can gently release these old stories through ritual - and choose what we wish to put in their place

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

Join the community, THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK - a place for further exploration. Everyone welcome! https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

Pre-order the book, MY DARLING GIRL, love letters to all the girls and women we have ever been https://www.shookbop.com/collections/pre-orders/products/my-darling-girl-by-henny-flynn-pre-order

References

The PODCAST referenced was Michelle Chalfant - https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/224/

For more on how inherited narratives can influence menopause, take a look at the conversations Gabriella Espinosa and I have been having with the MPowder community https://mpowder.store/ and on their instagram and facebook posts

We’ve gone a bit off piste this week. But! There is a reason.

If you’re a regular listener to the podcast, you’ll know that over the past few years I’ve taken myself on a journey of change. There’s little in my life that’s been unaffected. It’s what’s led to the work I do - and it’s led to this podcast… and, specifically, this episode.

Through that time journaling has been my saviour and my guide (in fact, it's the topic of the very first episode https://www.reegroup.co.uk/the-reegroup-hour-gratitude-journaling).

Anyway.

Along the way I’ve written love letters to myself...

Over time, they’ve gathered in number and, braving my vulnerability, I’ve shared them with others too. Releasing each one at the time felt like the cutting of an invisible umbilical chord - but it also felt right to let them go.

By chance I then met up with a wonderful man (you can hear him speak in the episode 'From Grief to Growth' https://www.reegroup.co.uk/s2-02-from-grief-to-growth-with-carl-mynott). I asked him for some guidance on what to do with them… and, well, his reply wasn't quite what I was expecting, and he chose to publish them.

And so, now, that’s what’s happening.

The book My Darling Girl will be published on the 15th December and is now available for pre-order.

It feels bizarre and glorious in equal measure.

So, this episode includes a reading from the book, accompanied by music from Angus (who creates all the music on the podcast and the Insight Timer meditations). He wrote it for this particular piece as a form of mindful meditation. I think it’s beautiful and I hope you love it too.

The invitation is to find a place to sit or walk, headphones on, and just enjoy wherever it is you go.

If you're curious for yourself and the darling girls in your life, see... https://www.shookbop.com/products/my-darling-girl-by-henny-flynn-pre-order

Two last thoughts…

1) While the book is titled My Darling Girl, that's because it's how these love letters appeared to me. If you don't identify as female or the phrase simply doesn't resonate with you, please just change those words to something you connect with. The message, I hope, is universal.

2) If you’ve never listened to the podcast before, well, this episode is a little different, so you might want to listen to some of the others too, before deciding if this podcast is for you! The one with Carl is a lovely place to start.

Henny x

_______

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

Join the lovely community that is THE REGROUP HOUR https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour, everyone is welcome.

Two upcoming events:

Regroup Hour LIVE: Building Your Self-Care Bank Thursday 26 November 7.30-8.30pm (donations only) https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/building-your-self-care-bank-tickets-126801285057

ChangeFlow Part Five: Emergence Saturday 28 November 1.00 - 4.30pm (£49 - 8 spaces max.) https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/emergence-manage-maintain-change-with-self-care-a-reegroup-retreat-tickets-124103379549

Today it’s all about Disruption - and how the fear of change can often be the thing that stops us moving forward.You’ll hear I recorded this before the election result in America. Perhaps that sense of disruption was more present then - and for some, of course, it will feel more present now.

Sometimes (often?) even the things we seek to change can hold elements that spark our fear response. And sometimes (often?) we can find ourselves switching the focus of our fearful attention from one thing to another, as soon as that first thing has been dealt with.

What we're seeing around us now feels like a beautiful opportunity to bring our curiosity to how we're seeing this change play out.

The invitation is to join me on a exploration of how we can make Disruption into something Beautiful…

This episode includes some practical opportunities for self-reflection that come from the Beautiful Disruption retreat (part four of the ChangeFlow series), that we held last weekend. You may want a pen & paper handy or simply to be somewhere you can reflect on your own thoughts and experiences.

I close this episode with a moment of embodied mindfulness - an opportunity to connect with how it feels to allow ourselves to feel what we feel, and to see how it is to bring comfort to that experience.

| 3’30” | We’re all feeling disruption in our own way…
| 5’50” | What comes up for you when you think of Beautiful Disruption?
| 7’30” | The fear of change can often be our greatest obstacle to making it happen - but it can be exciting, inspiring and invigorating.
| 10’30” | When we’re willing to see ourselves and our situation with curiosity and compassion then we’re far more able to see the breadth of choices we have - and help us manage a tendency towards imagining we only have binary solutions (22’23”)
| 14’00” | What are the things that stop you from changing - do they fill your field of vision?
| 27’23” | What do you currently do regularly, where you could introduce small changes, that could help you practice the art of disruption?
| 34’48” | Staying in our heads to deal with fear is possible but it can take time… our bodies hold immense wisdom too and can help us process fear in the moment
| 37’30 | Embodied practice to reconnect with our bodies and where you FEEL the physical aspect of fear (in a kind and gentle way) - a mini-mediation and a chance to really settle into the moment

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

If you’re not yet a member of our free Facebook group, THE REGROUP HOUR , come & join the conversation - everyone is welcome.

Two upcoming events:

Regroup Hour LIVE: Building Your Self-Care Bank Thursday 26 November 7.30-8.30pm (donations only)
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/building-your-self-care-bank-tickets-126801285057

ChangeFlow Part Five: Emergence Saturday 28 November 1.00 - 4.30pm (£49 - 8 spaces max.)
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/emergence-manage-maintain-change-with-self-care-a-reegroup-retreat-tickets-124103379549

"

The retreat was a really good chance to take some time to look at what’s holding me back from making changes and see that maybe I could make some small changes and start with those before making larger ones. And the (voicework with Abbie Lathe) and relaxation were a lovely treat too. Kindness wrapped up in a workshop!

"

This week it’s all about change from within - and how the emotional experience of being triggered can both benefit from our willingness to change AND be a beautiful tool in enabling it.

| 6'15” | Even the things that trigger us offer an opportunity for growth and learning. The key is always about how we bring our conscious observation to the fore - and what we take from that.
| 7’45” | When you face into behaviour from partners, children, colleagues, family members that makes you unhappy, it’s an opportunity to look at what it triggers within you.
| 11’25” | If we don’t learn how to recognise and respond differently to our triggers, the danger is that you’ll keep getting ambushed on your journey through change. You’ll respond in the same way you always have, rather than navigating the trigger and responding in the way you want to.
| 13’07” | The need for safety often underpins our emotional response when we are triggered
| 15’40” | When you know what triggers you, you can take steps to avoid them. Of course, we can’t always control things, something may happen that ambushes us - a trigger out of the blue - and that’s where doing the Work to create a more conscious, measured response is so useful.
| 19’35” | The only thing we can control fully is ourselves, and our response to the stimulus around us
| 21’45” | This quote helped short-circuit my own triggered responses to stimulus. Viktor Frankl “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”
| 25’00” | Without a willingness to change, very little can change
| 26’03” | It’s through learning how to accept and love ourselves that we are better able to love others, with mutual respect
| 31’28” | Your response to what triggers you is your response, and doesn’t belong to anyone else.
| 32’45” | “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself”. As usual, Rumi puts his finger on the heart of the matter.
| 33’33” | Naming what triggers us gives us the opportunity to create the space within us that allows the physical response to be present, and to pass through, without driving us

In this episode I also touch on how triggers can be a key part of how we manage addiction. And I briefly discuss how triggers can be a feature of complex / controlling relationships. If either of those areas resonate for you and raise thoughts or feelings for you, please do reach out to a trusted loved one or someone with specialist skills who can support you.

Couple of points for clarity… I’ve double checked the timespan for emotions. In neuroscientist Jill Bolte-Taylor's memoir, My Stroke of Insight, she notes that the physiological lifespan of an emotion in the body and brain is 90 seconds (rather than the 15 seconds I offered up). And… it was Ghandi who said “Be the change you want to see”

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

If you’re not yet a member of THE REGROUP HOUR on FACEBOOK, come & join the conversation - everyone welcome

We’ve also a new Regroup Hour event coming up - Building Your Self-Care Bank. Get ready for Winter and lay down a ground work for well-being & core resilience - Thursday 26 November 7.30 pm - receive, reflect & feel restored!

References

Man’s Search For Meaning - Viktor Frankl

This week is a musing on how something that we think is serving us can actually be masking a deeper need.

And that something is… LIST MAKING!

I know, in the grand scheme of things it may not feel like one of the major things to face into - but sometimes it’s the little habits that mask other behaviours. And there may be a resonance here with other habits you continue to practice simply because that’s ‘what you do’ and not because they truly serve you.

Are you a list disciple? A list anarchist?

Whichever camp you find yourself in, I hope this week's reflections help spark new thoughts for you

Henny x

There’s a part of me here that wants to hold up my hand and say I used to be addicted to lists. And yet, another part of me says ‘That’s ridiculous. How can someone be addicted to lists?’

Of course, any behaviour can hold addictive aspects - especially when it helps us mask a inner turmoil, we get a sense of reward from it and feel discomfort without it. (For more on that, see Gabor Mate’s incredible book In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts)

And lists for me gave me a sense of control in a time when I feared chaos was going to overwhelm everything. I also felt deep discomfort until everything was neatly listed.

I was also proud of my list-making - I wore it as a badge of honour.

Yet, despite my former pride in my ability to make and manage endless, complex lists - and pitying non-list makers - I appear to have now transitioned to the other side. I am no longer surrounded by neat columns of post-it notes, featuring agile flows. And in fact I don’t have a list on the go. At all.

This a reflection on why we make lists, how they can hinder as well as help - and how our self-awareness, as always, is our greatest tool in seeing what our behaviour is telling us about what’s really going on.

A few of the reflections include:

Lists can become the end in themselves - where our sense of achievement is triggered by adding the thing to the list, rather than getting the thing done
They can also become a source of guilt - filled with shoulds, musts and wants rather than what actually needs to get done (what truly serves us can become subsumed by everything else)
When we become more focussed on creating the list (than the actions themselves) it can also create a sense, almost like a false memory, that it’s already been completed
Never-ending lists can become burdens - and actually reduce the feelings we can associate with successful completion of tasks, because there’s always something more to do
Lists can be a way of masking when things feel out of control - or that we fear they will become so
Just because something’s on a list doesn’t mean it’s going to get done - procrastination can be the curse of the list-maker

Of course.

Not making endless lists may be a sign someone is disorganised (if I’m honest, there’s a part of me that still wants to believe that… old habits and all that).

Or.

It could be a sign that we’re at peace with how things are. That we have a clear sense of what really needs to be done. That we understand the why and the how. And we know where our energy and attention is best spent.

Of course, like all these things, it’s bringing our attention to our habits and behaviours that help us see what’s serving us and what may be ruling us. If that resonates and you’d like to explore what comes up for you, then you know where I am.

As ever, thank you to the wonderful Angus McLeod of Chango Music for his production and his beautiful intro and outro music.

REFERENCES

Atomic Habits - James Clear

This week is all about sleep... rest... routine. It's about how we signal to our body that it's ok to lay down the burdens of the day and be restored by a good night.

How do you get ready for bed?

Are you ready for whatever life might throw at you? Or are you ready for rest?

Today's episode is full of tips and tools to help create a bedtime routine that signals to your body that it's time for rest.

A few of the things I cover include:

Classic bedtime behaviours that may inhibit good quality sleep
Things that may be masquerading as self-care - and why it's important to notice the impact they could be having
Top tips and tools for good sleep shared by our Facebook group The Positive Menopause
My own recommendations of things I've found have worked for me and my clients

The art, as ever, is simply to notice what your current bedtime practices are - and then see what you want to start, stop, continue or adapt.

Which bits feel like they’re nourishing you? Which feel like they just have to be like that? And what doesn’t need to be there at all?

Have a listen and then the invitation is simply to reflect and notice what you do as you get ready for bed tonight.

Sleep is a classic area for disruption when we are stressed, and can be particularly challenging during menopause. The practices I talk through here are not an exhaustive list. And there are other steps that can be conducive to good rest, such as making improvements to nutrition, adapting how and when you exercise and dealing with the underlying causes of stress.

This episode is really a foray into practical actions we can all take that can help us move toward a better night's rest. If you would like more personalised support, please reach out to me, or whoever feels like they can best support you.

A key point is that for good quality sleep, we need to activate our parasympathetic nervous system - it’s the part of the autonomic nervous system which regulates the rest and repair. It’s when our digestion operates most efficiently, it’s when our system clears itself of toxins, it’s when our cells have a chance to rejuvenate.

Taking time to create a bedtime routine is part of parenting ourselves. It signals to our mind and our body that it's ok to relax. Just as we can imagine the most nourishing bedtime routine for a child, we can look to see how we can create a routine to most nourish ourselves.

When we give these practices time to bed in (no pun intended!) they give us a beautiful return on our investment. It all forms part of our 'self-care bank'.

REFERENCES

Christiane Northrop - Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom
William Porter - Alcohol Explained
Eckhart Tolle
Wim Hof

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

Today I’m talking with Emmanuelle Passes. A wise woman with a wealth of experience working with people going through changes in their lives.

Emmanuelle is an expert in energy.

A cranio sacral therapist, she brings a wide range of therapeutic training and decades of experience to how she works with her clients. I first invited her onto the podcast back in season 1, where she shared a range of practical energy exercises with a live audience. The recording of that session is included here.

Our conversation today focuses on the experience of menopause as a time of great change - and explores how we can use the principles of managing our energy levels to support that experience.

If you’re not yet in menopause - or you’ve already come through the other side, or menopause is not going to be something you’ll directly experience… keep listening.

The wisdom Emmanuelle shares - and the exercises she talks us through at the end of the session - are useful for us all, though they have a specific significance when our hormones are out of balance.

I first met her a few years ago in Ibiza (of course!) and by the end of our first session I thought she was some angelic being! She definitely has a very special approach to how she works with her clients and an enormous heart.

During the conversation we touch on many of the experiences that women can have during menopause and Emmanuelle shares her observations, taken from decades of working with women, and men, and supporting them through major life changes. There may be things that challenge your thinking - personally, I quite like it when that happens! My sense is that anything that takes us out of our comfort zone and helps us clarify how we think, and more importantly feel, is an interesting process.

The more comfortable we become with talking about this beautiful phase of life, the better it is. Menopause affects us all in some way - whether its our own direct experience or that of someone we love. Being able to discuss it in all it’s dimensions feels like a truly useful thing we can all do.

See the full show notes for the video of Emmanuelle demonstrating the exercises she talks through on the podcast.

If anything we discuss affects you or someone you care for, you may find The Positive Menopause coaching programme useful - see the link for more information: https://flynns.lpages.co/the-positive-menopause/

To contact Emmanuelle - manuemass@hotmail.com

And to watch the previous episode - https://www.reegroup.co.uk/energy-and-stillness-special-guest-emmanuelle-passes

Finally, thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

**This episode explores how being cheerful... grateful... happy is not about suppressing the things that make us feel sad, hurt or angry.

It's about noticing and accepting all the things that are happening around us, to us, and experiencing them consciously.**

It's through our conscious awareness that we are able to make choices - and that includes choosing how we feel. There are three key themes to this week's reflections:

The role of negative emotions and why it's important to honour them
How gratitude extends to what challenges us
How our focus and attention is core to enabling change, neurologically

Eckhart Tolle says that "Choice implies consciousness... a high degree of consciousness. Without it you have no choice". I think the role and value of consciousness and presence is intrinsic to creating deep and lasting change - and integral to a full sense of caring for ourselves. And it's a theme I'll be exploring further in future podcasts.

There are two books I reference that you might enjoy:

Self-Knowledge, from The School of Life
How Pleasure Works, by Paul Bloom

In this episode I also include a self-reflection exercise. I explain the detail and am sharing the core elements here, for your ease. It's a beautiful and illuminating exercise that I use with clients - and have found to be beneficial for myself too. (In fact, everything I share is something I've been through in some way!)

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production - and the loan of his womb-like airing cupboard for this recording!

Henny x

SELF-REFLECTION EXERCISE

Draw a circle and divide it into 10 sections (like a wheel) - label each section:

Work
Finances
Love & romance
Family & Friends
Health & fitness
Personal growth & creativity
Well-being (physical, mental & spiritual)
Community
Physical environment
Fun & recreation

Imagine that at the centre of your circle is 0 and the outer edge is 10 - draw a line across each section to mark how SATISFIED you are with each of these aspects of your life. Being conscious about what arises for you as you think of each one.
Then, draw a line for how you WANT to feel. Stay conscious. And see what the experience tells you, without judgement.

As ever, if there is anything in this episode that particularly resonates with you, and you feel you would benefit from some support, please do reach out.

One of the joys of creating this podcast is the opportunity it gives me to talk with others about the changes they have made - and the steps they’ve taken to get there. This conversation with Carl tracks his personal journey from grief to growth and I hope you, like me, will enjoy his honesty and be inspired by the changes he has made - not only in what he does, but in how he does it.

You’ll hear that Carl and I used to work together - and the thing I remember most about our time working together is his love of the Lake District and how unlikely a person he was to work in an office. This reflection seems to have been born out in the work he now does and the way he now lives.

A little while ago I spotted a phrase that Carl had used in a facebook post. He talked of how in the past he had borrowed resilience from his future self. It sparked me to get in touch to hear more…

In this candid interview, Carl shares how the death of his father marked a long period of his life where his usual buoyancy felt like it had disappeared and he reached a very low point indeed. No longer waving but drowning.

He talks of how he learnt to reach out for support, receiving bereavement counselling before turning to his GP, medication, and exploring Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - CBT.

Alongside this external intervention, he also made some enormous changes in his inner life… leaving his job in insurance (you’ll hear what a surprise that was to his wife at the time!) and he has not only published his own series of children’s books, he’s also set up a publishing house supporting other authors.

Through this process of gaining self-awareness he’s used meditation and mindfulness; learning how to manage what he can and can’t control. He also shares how learning to listen to, and trust, his own voice was a huge part of what gave him the confidence to make the changes he has made. “If what you are doing is well-intended, no-body else’s opinion matters”

So often the impetus behind a change comes from some kind of personal awakening - ill-health, grief or loss through the ending of something we loved or were deeply identified with, maybe a relationship, career or social setting of some kind. And often it’s not just a single event - a chain of events can sometimes take us along a path we had never anticipated.

Carl’s story illustrates this journey beautifully.

You can find out more about Carl and his series of nature books for children - over 18,000 copies sold! https://britishwildlifetales.co.uk/

And see when he appeared on the Chris Packham Facebook show - a hero of his and a wonderful chance to showcase his love of the natural world. https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=169011421122391&ref=watch_permalink

And, if you’re curious about getting support publishing your own book, take a look at Stour Valley Publishing: https://www.stourvalleypublishing.co.uk/

(Forgive the wind, sheep and horses who intermittently appear in this episode - it was recorded in an open field in the wilds of Shropshire!)

Today’s episode is largely inspired by a pair of rose tinted glasses I used to wear as a student.

Notwithstanding they gave me a 60’s hippy-chick kind of look (always pleasing!), I loved them as much for the glow they gave the world. And when I look back now I see them as a fitting metaphor for how I chose to view the world.

I wanted things to be ok - and that’s how I preferred to see them.

An important point here is that having a positive outlook is all well and good, as long as it doesn’t prevent us from seeing, or feeling, the truth of things. This idea of how we can balance optimism with truth, in order to stay present and grounded, is something I’m going to explore more in later episodes in this series.

In this episode I want to focus on the power of good intentions. And how they form a core tenet of Positive Psychology.

We all know the phrase that the road to hell is paved with good intentions - and I was possibly excessively pleased when I titled this episode! Because rather than being something to avoid or be wary of, there’s a power to having a positive intent.

There’s a power to seeing ourselves and others’ through a lens of positivity - that can influence our well-being on a deep level, physically and psychologically.

As with everything there’s a subtlety to it - very little in this life is binary. And we need to allow ourselves to feel into things in order to see what feels true.

Ultimately the question we can ask ourselves is ‘How do I want to feel?’.

I explore this through a couple of day-to-day experiences to highlight how we can give ourselves the choice of how we see things. Not in an artificially rose-tinted way but in a deeper, actively conscious way.

There are a couple of teachers I reference here, specifically their work in this area:

Tara Brach and her powerful question: ‘Who are you if everything is ok?'
Rick Hanson and his ‘Just one thing’ weekly emails (well worth receiving if you’re interested in Positive Psychology)

Thank you as always to Angus at https://www.changomusic.com/ for his music and production x

There are two key themes this week; exploring ways to look at change.

One where I focus on the truth that if we want something to change, we have to change something. It feels so obvious when we say it, and yet still we can feel stuck or resistant to take the action that will make the changes we say we desire come into being.

Secondly I look at a principle of change where in order for something to begin, something else needs to end. When we think of that, it can feel hard - we often resist change because of an attachment to old thinking, old feelings, old habits. But approaching this idea as a way of empowering us can help us shift our mindset... that then shifts our actions and attitudes.

I also touch on the work of Viktor Frankl and Notes from the Universe - two ends of the same spectrum that tell us that at the deepest, most profound level, we are accountable for ourselves.

As ever, I hope you enjoy the episode. And that it provokes new or expanded thought for you. If you like it, please do leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it's how we can continue to share these thoughts with others who may enjoy them too.

This is the final episode in this series and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of how the podcast has developed since the early experiment 15 weeks ago. I'll be back soon with series 2 and look forward to meeting you there.

In the meantime, I send you a hug and a wave.

Henny x

Explore your own next steps to make and manage change
https://www.reegroup.co.uk/

Come and join the community on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour/

Listen to mini-meditative moments on Insight Timer:
https://insighttimer.com/reegroup

Connect on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/reegroup_henny/

And if you're interested in building a gratitude practice, take a look at:
https://www.instagram.com/21_beads_of_gratitude/

Resources:
Viktor Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning
Notes from the Universe - Tut.com
Mary Poppins

This week's episode builds on last week's exploration of self-care (So, what actually is self-care, anyway?).

I focus in on 3 approaches that can be useful in supporting us to make habits that serve us - and break habits that we feel have had their time.

In the first example, I look at how the language of 'I can't' vs the language of 'I don't' influences our commitment to make better choices. And how when we are more emphatic about our choices, we find it easier to stick to our decisions.

Secondly, I share how this same attention to what we say supports us in creating new habits and building new behaviours. Shifting from 'I'm going to try to do X' to 'I do X' tells ourselves (and others) that we are truly committed to the change. It also tricks our mind into believing we already do the habit we want to adopt and that kicks our subconscious into gear to help us make it a reality.

Thirdly, there's a psychology around change where when we focus too heavily on the big picture, it can become daunting and feel unachievable. So, breaking it down into manageable pieces, and attaching new behaviours to existing habits, brings it closer to us and we can start to make the changes happen that ultimately lead to its successful outcome.

And, as a little bonus idea, I've also included an idea from the Reegroup retreat, Building a Self-Care Bank, that can help us keep sight of how we are caring for ourselves.

All of these have served me in making my own changes - and I see how they support clients in making theirs.

I'd love to know if this sparks some thoughts for you too. And whether making these small changes prove useful in building and reinforcing your own practice of caring for yourself - in what you do, how you think and what you say.

Henny x

Resources:

Anna King - nutritionist

James Clear - Atomic Habits

I often speak of how self-care underpins our ability to make deep and lasting change. Yet, for many of us it can feel hard to identify what self-care actually is.

How do we know what it is? And what it isn't? And how do we identify habits that may masquerade as self-care, without truly serving us?

Self-care is not simply the practice of eating well or exercising (though both are, of course, such wonderful gifts to give ourselves). It extends beyond how we look after our physical body and moves deeply into how we care for our psychological and energetic body.

So, it stretches beyond action, into thoughts and into how we choose to feel.

Often we can inherit or adopt thought patterns that make us feel guilty about looking after ourselves, or we become self-judgemental when we know we're not doing it 'enough'.

I cover all of these areas on today's episode in an exploration of self-care, with a view to opening up our perception of what self-care feels like for each of us.
I include an invitation to honour your own need for self-care. Not as a nice-to-have, but as a fundamentally critical component of how we live our life.

Over the past few years I've worked with many clients for whom self-care initially feels 'hard' or where they have attached 'shoulds' to their practices, so it feels like a burden rather than a joy. Or where, for many very valid reasons, they inhabit their heads to such an extent that they feel disconnected from their bodies - and find it difficult to register what self-care feels like. Or where there are old stories preventing them from valuing themselves and being able to give themselves the attention they truly deserve.

If any of that resonates, I hope this episode goes some way to helping to dissolve some of those barriers to caring deeply for yourself.

And if you want to explore how self-awareness and self-compassion (the two wings of self-care) help us create meaningful and effective changes at work, home or in our personal life, then you know where I am.

As ever, if you enjoy this episode, please leave a comment or send me your thoughts - it's so useful to know what resonates as we continue to build the work we do with Reegroup.

Thank you

Henny x

Rebekah Brown is the founder and creator of MPowder.

She spent her career helping other companies to build brands and products as a researcher and creative consultant. Then the peri-menopause arrived.

Turned away by her GP because she was ‘too young’ to have symptoms, she found herself trawling the aisles of the local health food store, staring at a vast range of products and ingredients she knew nothing about. Curiosity cut through the brain fog. She looked further into the bio-chemical changes the female body goes through in menopause and what vitamins we all need at each stage, regardless of symptoms. She explored the impact and practicality of dietary changes. She researched what herbs and vitamins have seen results in trials and, critically, what dosages have an impact.

Armed with insight, and a growing sense of frustration that women were under-served with honest information and better options, MPowder was born.

This is her story of how self-care underpinned the decisions she made to make an enormous shift in her career and in how she viewed work, and herself.

In the session you'll also hear how Rebekah's experience of going to her GP resulted in a feeling of frustration and she has asked me to say that if that is your experience, please go back. Don't feel as though what you have to say is not valid. GPs work hard to support their whole community of patients and sometimes we just need to be persistent to ensure we receive what we need. Everyone's experience of menopause is different and we all need to find our own best route through.

Rebekah has also passed on a top tip for discussing your menopausal symptoms with your GP.She has recommended using the Menopause Symptom Tracker, developed by Diane Danzebrink - a menopause specialist and the creator of Menopause Matters Campaign. You can download the tracker here, and use it to take to your GP to explain your symptoms in language that really resonates with the medical community. She has also highlighted that you can seek out menopause clinics and specialists - and a number of these (not enough!) are on the NHS and would require a referral letter. But, if you choose this route, you can be certain that the person you speak to has had additional training to support this lifestage. Head to the British Menopause Society website for more information.

Coaching for menopause

Lastly, one of the most powerful things we can do, whatever stage of life we have reached and whatever changes we are seeking to make or manage, is to connect with others.

You may want to explore the MPowder community on instagram (@mpowderstore), and / or The Reegroup Hour community on Facebook

And if you ever need to talk, you know where I am.

In response to seeing the powerful value that coaching is bringing the menopausal women I'm already working with, I have created a dedicated 3-session menopause coaching programme. This is specifically created for women going through menopause AND/OR their partners.

The impact menopause can have across our life and relationships is different for everyone - coaching provides a personalised response to support you. If you'd like to know more, drop me a line.

What happens when we emerge from a moment of vulnerability - and how can we stop ourselves retreating behind our defences once again?

In this time, as we all emerge from lock-down and the global impact of Covid, it may be that as we lower the barriers to our external world, we begin to raise our internal barriers, in order to protect ourselves once more from the noise of a stirring world.

When we emerge from a time, where we've internally allowed ourselves to let down our defences, it can be hard to maintain that openness (or to not judge ourselves for that vulnerability) when we enter back into our day-to-day lives.

This podcast is a reflection on vulnerability and how it serves us as part of our progression toward change - globally, and within ourselves.

This doesn’t mean we need to be endlessly open to the world - we still all need clear boundaries of what is ok and what is not. But it does mean that it’s important to keep sight of the things we’ve learnt while we’ve been in that more vulnerable place and to remember that vulnerability truly is our strength.

Opening ourselves up, letting our defences down, being vulnerable, expressing our true self, IS an act of bravery.

And each time we do it, it becomes a little easier, a little less scary, and we find ourselves able to stay a little longer and, if we choose, to grow a little more.

You may want to see the work of Brene Brown to explore this idea of vulnerability as a strength. Or it may be something you've identified within yourself as an opportunity for personal development.

While we keep ourselves closed we may be protecting ourselves, but we are also potentially blocking out people and experiences that can help us grow.

As we move through the depth of the passionate response to The Black Lives Matter campaign, this idea of vulnerability resonates even more.

Allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable, whilst maintaining clear boundaries, is a fundamental component to change - globally and individually.

A few years ago I started smiling at myself in the mirror...
The real story is what the smiling replaced.

This podcast shares my story of how I see myself - and how the stories we have grown up with influence how we see ourselves. It is also about how we can change - how we have a choice about what we think and what we choose to do.

You might find you engage with your mirror-self in any one of the ways I've listed below - and the ways may change, depending on your mood at the time, I know mine did (and if I'm honest, still do):

Give yourself the most cursory glance and move swiftly on
Avoid looking in mirrors at all
Take every chance to look in a mirror, and then regret doing it
Frown, gurn, scowl and deliberately make yourself look 'worse'
Use the mirror as an opportunity to identify all the things that are 'wrong' with you
Hiding in photos - or hating every photo you see of yourself

My own learning was this. We can all change our self-think. And while I know there are many facets to my own change journey, one step we can all take, straightaway, is surprisingly easy... smile.

I share the process I took myself through and how it has transformed the way I see myself.

I also reference the work of Louise Hay - after I had taken myself through my own process to identify and change how I was behaving toward myself, I discovered the work she had pioneered called 'mirror work'. It was a relief to know I was not alone in how I saw myself.

If you would like to work with me, to gently explore your own self-perception and sense of self-worth, then please do get in touch. I know how fundamental this shift was for me and I'm here if that is useful for you in your own journey https://www.reegroup.co.uk/contact

You can read more about my story of change here: https://www.reegroup.co.uk/about

Come and join The Reegroup Hour on Facebook.

The Reegroup Hour is an invitation to each of us to dedicate time to ourselves, to explore how the practise of self-care helps us make deep and lasting change; in how we think, how we act and how we feel.

From neuroscience to positive psychology to mindfulness to self-awareness, there are many routes, tools and techniques that can help us develop self-knowledge and self-compassion - the twin sisters of self-care.

This week, we joined up with the wonderful Emmanuelle Passes to hear about ways we can manage our energy levels - and find the still point within.

This is a live event, sharing practical steps we can all take to support us in how we navigate our experience of the world. This work is especially beneficial if you've ever found yourself becoming anxious or weary, and can't always see what's impacting you.

Understanding what we can do to care for ourselves in times of disruption is useful at any stage of our lives. And it feels particularly resonant now, as we begin to emerge from the lockdown phase of COVID19.

We'll be specifically looking at the flow of energy (both that we receive from others and the world around us, and the energy we give out). With a core purpose to enable us all to access that still quiet point within, where we feel a greater sense of calm and balance.

Emmanuelle has a wealth of experience in a range of therapeutic practices. And for over 25 years, has run successful practices in London and Paris

She now lives on the beautiful island of Ibiza. Qualified in therapeutic massage, Indian head massage, Doula, Reiki, Yoga and “Unique Self” Life coach, her speciality and passion is CranioSacral therapy. She combines a holistic approach to the body, mind and spirit to harmonise, balance and re-align.

I first met Emmanuelle on retreat in Ibiza and since then have worked with her personally - benefiting from her healing CranioSacral therapy - and last year we collaborated with the lovely Abbie Lathe on a restorative weekend retreat in the UK.

The energy exercises she shares in the second half of this Reegroup Hour have been hugely beneficial to me personally - and her warmth, integrity and humanity is something I value deeply.

To see the exercises demonstrated by Emmanuelle in the session, go to the The Reegroup Hour channel on YouTube or watch it on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour/

And to request a copy of the worksheet that accompanies this podcast, email henny@reegroup.co.uk.

This episode of The Reegroup Hour draws on a theme I've seen emerging for many people around working out what comes next, as we transition from one phase of lockdown into... whatever phase lies ahead.

I know I've been doing lots of planning myself over the past week or so - stepping back and reflecting and getting my thoughts in order. It's connected with last week's podcast about the gift of time, how we use it and how we choose to use it in the future.

In today's session, I cover some of the challenges we can face when we start making plans about the future - and how our mind can put things into our plans that may not truly serve us. I also cover off some practical tools you can use to help identify your vision and put down the milestones that you want to line way - without getting lost in the detail of the 'hows'.

Critically, as with all Reegroup work, this is about establishing a bedrock of self-care and self-compassion, to enable deep and lasting change. So when you're envisioning, planning, manifesting whatever comes next, weave that thread of self-care through all you do; quieten the voice of judgement and listen to the still calm voice within as your most valued guide.

Henny x

To receive a copy of the 7 Questions I use for stage one of my own planning process, email henny@reegroup.co.uk or contact me on Reegroup.

And for more on techniques to get into your body (and out of your head!) have a listen to The Reegroup Hour with Abbie Lathe on how we can use our voice to step out of fear.

The Gift of Time, how we seek it, but when we find it, we can end up filling it without thinking about what will most serve us.

In this episode of The Reegroup Hour, I look at how our time horizons have shifted with the impact of COVID19; how we can find ourselves stuffing time full (and hunting round for more) and how at times it can drag like wading through molasses - and how we can make choices about how we want to use time in the future.

I also share some key questions we can ask ourselves to help us work out what we want to do with our time. These feel particularly pertinent as we inhabit this liminal space in between the different phases of lockdown (whatever they look like for each of us).

If you'd like to take a look at the 7 questions I use for my own planning, just let me know and I'll send you a copy. It's a useful tool, designed to help step back from the act of 'doing' and spend time in reflecting on what it may be most useful to do next...

And if you'd like to join our next Reegroup Retreat, we're exploring Compassionate Resilience on June 20th. A half-day virtual retreat, in the comfort of your own home and in the company of other amazing women. It will be wonderful to welcome you there.

Henny x

SEND ME 7 QUESTIONS

You can see the Drama Triangle playing out in boardrooms, teams, family units, friendship groups - in fact, almost any situation where people come together. You can also see it playing out in the way we relate to ourselves.

The rescuer says... let me help e.g.: "I have the quick fix, I know best, you can't manage without me."

The victim says... nothing's going right e.g.: "Poor me, others always get more, no one values me, it's easier for 'them'."

The persecutor says... you don't get to decide e.g.: "You don't know anything, you're a fool, you never do it right."

These roles: persecutor, rescuer, victim - they're what we adopt when things start to go wrong... whenever there's any kind of drama. And they interplay with each other in a way that reinforces the behaviour of others, until we all just get stuck. We just keep climbing into the same old hamster wheel every time something goes wrong.

So how do we move on?

In this Reegroup Hour, I share how we can step out of the Drama Triangle roles we unconsciously assign ourselves. And how by stepping into a place where we see ourselves and others through the lens of compassion, we can create more beneficial outcomes.

There is often a complexity to these roles - and if there is anything that it raises for you, that you would like to explore further, please do get in touch. The Drama Triangle can shine a light on continuous patterns of behaviour that may have trapped us in the past. Once we notice these, we can then decide what new behaviours we choose in their place.

Sometimes when we talk with others it can feel like we're playing the same game... but by different rules.

Have you ever been halfway through a conversation and suddenly realised it’s heading into an argument, and you’re not sure how it got there?

Or suddenly realised that you and the other person have actually been at crossed-purposes - but by that point emotions have risen and it’s hard to back down?

Or perhaps you both think the other one is being unreasonable?

Maybe things start quite innocuously and then it cascades into a something that neither of you seem capable of stopping once it gets its momentum up?

I started to think of these moments as WEIRD TENNIS.

And the podcast today is all about what it is, what it tells us and what steps we can take to call time on the game - or maybe even avoid picking up the racquets entirely.

This week, we join up with the lovely Gemma Sandwell to see how mindfulness with kindfulness helps us access and grow our resilience.

I first met Gemma a few years ago, not in person but over the speaker in a large auditorium in the centre of the city in London - she was leading a Resilience Shot for a group of financial services leaders - a short mindfulness exercise, introducing the art of focussing on the present moment, to help build resilience.

So, who could be better placed to talk to us today about how mindfulness helps us build resilience?!

The next time I met Gemma, we were both coaching leadership teams and happened to have been put into joining rooms - that conversation is what led to me realising how lovely she is & I’m so delighted to welcome her onto the podcast.

Gemma is a Mindfulness Teacher, Positive Psychology Practitioner, ICF accredited coach and TEDx speaker. She's been on a journey of personal self-discovery through these tools and they lead her to setting up the Happiness Branch, helping people to flourish.

Gemma uses the practice of mindfulness combined with Positive Psychology. She sees them as core tools to help you be at your best and perform at your best, building on what works for you already, in a non-judgemental way, decreasing stress and anxiety.

In this session, you'll hear more of the work Gemma does and why it's so beneficial - and you'll be led through a beautiful mindful meditation, which almost relaxed me so much that I couldn't complete the recording!

At the end of the session I share a wonderful piece of film I first came across a few years ago, when on retreat with Soulshine. A recording of Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues, talking about the importance of Loving Your Tree. When you hear Gemma's session, you'll understand why it resonated. I've included a link to it below - I think you'll enjoy it!

I hope you enjoy this recording - you can watch or listen to it as a podcast, links below. To find out more about Gemma, take a look at The Happiness Branch.

This podcast was recorded with a live audience on Sunday May 3rd 2020. Sign up to the mailing list to hear about future live events and recordings of The Reegroup Hour. Gifts from me to you.

https://www.reegroup.co.uk/contact

This week, we've joined up for the second time with the wonderful Abbie Lathe to see how using our voice helps us access and grow our resilience.

Following the wonderful feedback from our last session with Abbie, we're teaming up with her once more for another practical voicework session.

This session builds on the tools shared on Sunday 12 April, 2020, so do have a listen to that one too. In it, I look at some of the theory behind what we can do, from a psychotherapeutic perspective, to support ourselves in building our resilience.

On this recording, with a live audience, Abbie and I share more tools we can all use now - and in the future. In fact, any time we need to access that core centre of resilience we all have available to us.

Abbie is a singer / songwriter with over 35 years’ experience performing in bands, session singing for BBC wildlife programmes and teaching the many facets of voicework.

Her enthusiasm and joy is infectious and with her expert and intuitive guidance this powerful but simple voicework harmonises body and mind bringing each individual to a place of deep inner confidence in oneself, with others and with life.

To join future live recordings of The Reegroup Hour, simply book your space at the events you'd like to join - they're gifts from me to you.

PART ONE of a series of podcasts on how we can access, understand and grow our RESILIENCE, with compassion, to support us in times of change.

PART ONE of a series on how we can access, understand and grow our RESILIENCE, with compassion, to support us in times of change.

Over the next three weeks, we'll look at different tools we can use to develop our resilience, taking lessons from psychotherapy, voicework and mindfulness and hearing from other teachers along the way.

In this session, I share ten key traits and behaviours identified as being CORE to RESILIENCE - that we can all explore in order to understand what they mean to us and where it may serve us to pay some compassionate attention.

And if you’re interested in delving into these further, I've created a mini-course all about resilience to explore your thinking even further. It's a gift from me to you - see the link in the site footer.

In this session, I also introduce a super simple tool that can be immensely useful in times of change - it’s something you may well be familiar with, so this could be simply a handy reminder of something you already have in your toolkit.

The teachers I reference are:

Kristin Neff - the queen of compassion
Brene Brown - the queen of vulnerability
Steven Covey - author of 7 Habits of Highly Successful People

This week, we joined up with the wonderful Abbie Lathe to see how using our voice helps us deal with fear.

This was a practical session, sharing tools we can all use now - and in the future. In fact, any time we are nervous, anxious or afraid.

Abbie is singer / songwriter with over 35 years’ experience performing in bands, session singing for BBC wildlife programmes and teaching the many facets of voicework.Abbie’s enthusiasm and joy is infectious and with her expert and intuitive guidance this powerful but simple voicework harmonises body and mind bringing each individual to a place of deep inner confidence in oneself, with others and with life.

During the session she introduced a voicework meditation, on how to come into our bodies (and out of our heads!), a metta to sing and practice the art of Loving Kindness, and shared a wonderfully easy approach to calming our nervous system by using just three breaths.

This podcast was recorded with a live audience on Sunday 5th April 2020.

"Thank you SO much for yesterday's hour of peace and calm. It was the most beautiful time and left me feeling so much better in myself, ready to face anything.""I feel there is such potential to learn here, building on what’s known, to feeling, sensing and singing it. As a body worker and therapist I understand that these themes are at the core of human experience, creating blocks if unattended... I found seeing you both, your loving, genuine enquiry into the nature of fear, your humour and support, very uplifting indeed."

Although journalling is essentially a private practice, I thought it might be rather lovely to see how we can still join together and experience how it feels as a virtual group.

During this session, I shared some of the different ways journaling can be used - and how I use it as part of my (almost) daily practice.

I also took a look at gratitude and a couple of techniques that we can use to build a gratitude practice - as something we do every day and as something we can give ourselves when it feels most needed.

This was a live virtual event, recorded on Sunday 22nd March.

"I am grateful for your session" "Very therapeutic to start writing things down"