Say The Things: Recent Episodes

Nicole Hagman

Are you giving all of your energy to those around you, leaving you feeling empty, disconnected, and resentful, craving connection beyond the four walls of your home?

Do you hide behind surface level conversations because you fear being rejected. If you were to share your actual thoughts?

Do you crave more joy and laughter in your life and wish to feel normal and your uniqueness, and perhaps even accept and embrace it?

Intentionally discover who you are to clearly communicate to deepen relationship, connectivity while honoring your uniqueness.

This is the episode I've been building toward all season.

We started this year with a question most of you already knew intimately — standing in your kitchen, coffee going cold, looking at a life that checked every box and feeling like you were watching it from the outside. Is this all there is?

And we went to work.

We looked at where you learned to make yourself smaller. The accommodations that started as kindness and became identity. The over-functioning that felt like love but was really a negotiation. We looked at resentment — not as a character flaw but as a data point, the accumulation of every swallowed preference, every edited truth, every time you accepted lack as plenty.

And when you finally let it speak, what was underneath wasn't more pain. It was smaller. Quieter. Almost ordinary.

I'd rather not go to that. I need an hour that's just mine. That doesn't actually work for me.

That's the arrival. Not a grand declarative moment. Just small, true things that were always yours — that you'd been keeping from yourself.

In this episode I talk about why two fictional women — Lorelai Gilmore and C.J. Cregg — have stayed with me for years, and what they understood about showing up as themselves that most of us were never taught. I talk about what owning yourself actually looks like on an ordinary Tuesday. About the relationships that survived when you stopped performing, and why those are the only ones that were ever real. And about what it means to walk into a room knowing who walked in with you.

This isn't about becoming someone new.

It's about recovering someone real.

You're not trying to become anyone else. You already know who you are. You just spent this year stopping apologizing for her.

I'm taking a few weeks off this summer to live some of this, finish a couple of certifications, and give the next season the space it deserves. Thank you for every episode, every honest moment of recognition, and every bit of work you did on the other side of this microphone.

You're worth taking care of. I'll see you soon.

You know what you want to say.

You've rehearsed it in the car, in the shower, and in those quiet moments before sleep when everything gets honest. But somehow, between knowing and saying, something happens. The words stay inside, and resentment slowly begins to grow.

In this episode of Say the Things, we're talking about the space between awareness and action—the moment after the truth leaves your body and lands in the room. Why do we freeze? Why do we immediately want to apologize, soften, or take it back? And how do we learn to tell the difference between discomfort that signals danger and discomfort that simply means we're doing something new?

Because discomfort and danger are not the same thing.

I'll share why so many of us confuse other people's discomfort with our responsibility, how years of self-silencing train us to abandon ourselves, and why learning to stay with ourselves after speaking may be one of the most important relationship skills we ever develop.

We'll talk about:

Why resentment often grows when honesty doesn't.
The moment between knowing what you need and actually saying it.
How to tell the difference between growth discomfort and genuine misalignment.
Why you don't have to manage everyone else's emotional experience.
What to do when the words come out imperfectly.
Why healthy relationships aren't conflict-free relationships.
How to stop apologizing for having needs.
Why "own the delivery, keep the need" changes everything.
What it means to stay with yourself, even when others don't immediately meet you there.

If you've spent years carrying the emotional load, avoiding conflict, or convincing yourself that keeping the peace is your responsibility, this episode is for you.

Because the goal isn't perfect communication.

The goal is refusing to abandon yourself.

And little by little, we're learning to speak before resentment has to.

In This Episode You'll Hear:

Discomfort versus danger
Why self-silencing creates resentment
The fear of hard conversations
Speaking needs without guilt
Relationship communication skills
Boundaries and emotional responsibility
Why conflict isn't the enemy
How to recover when you say it imperfectly
Staying with yourself when others are uncomfortable
Learning to speak the truth with care

Remember:

You can get the words wrong without getting the truth wrong.

This week, I want to talk about resentment — not as the villain in our relationships, but as a messenger. Resentment is often the smoke, not the fire. The fire started years ago, the first time you felt hurt and said nothing. The first time you needed something and talked yourself out of asking. The first time you said "I'm fine" when you weren't.

We carry all of those unsaid things until one day we're standing in the kitchen furious about the dishes — but we're really not angry about the dishes at all. We're carrying years of conversations that never happened.

Last week we talked about standards — the floor, the non-negotiables, the things we need to feel safe, respected, and valued. But finding your standard is only half the work. The harder part is speaking it. Because knowing what you need and saying what you need are two entirely different skills.

At some point, we have to say the thing.

In this episode, I walk through:

Why resentment almost always points directly to a conversation we've been avoiding
Common examples of what those unspoken conversations might actually sound like
Why smart, emotionally aware women stay silent — and why we've confused discomfort with danger
Why the conversation isn't meant to fix everything — it's meant to provide information
What to watch for after the conversation: responsiveness, movement, repair
Why clarity — even when it's painful — is a gift, because you cannot make decisions from hope

The goal isn't a perfect conversation. Your voice may shake. It may come out sideways. That's okay. The goal is truth, not perfection.

And if nothing changes after you finally say the thing? That's information too. Real, factual information — and you can make decisions from facts. You cannot make decisions from potential.

Resentment is often just a standard waiting for a voice. This week, I want to help you find yours.

Disappointment is not a character flaw. It is your values speaking. It is the part of you that knows what you deserve registering — honestly and accurately — that you are not receiving it. And yet most of us have spent years being made to feel that our disappointment was the problem. That needing something to be different made us difficult. Sensitive. Too much.

In this episode we untangle the difference between expectations and standards — and why clinging to expectations while quietly letting go of your standards is exactly how a woman ends up angry, depleted, and unsure how she got there. We talk about what disappointment feels like in the body, how unexpressed disappointment becomes resentment and resentment becomes anger, and why the anger that finally surfaces is not instability — it is evidence. Every unmet standard, every swallowed need, every time you adjusted yourself for someone who wasn't adjusting at all.

We also talk about what healthy looks like. How to name disappointment before it becomes anger. How to know what is yours to own and what is yours to address. And how to move through anger without either performing it or sending it back underground.

You were not too much. You were told you were too much by someone who didn't have enough to give you. There is a difference. And this episode is about learning to tell them apart.

Most of us learned everything we know about apology from a tired adult grabbing someone by the arm and saying tell your sister you're sorry — and then everyone moved on and pretended to be a happy family. We learned that apology is a performance. A reset button. Something you say with your mouth so the room can go back to a manageable temperature. What we didn't learn is that apology is the beginning of something, not the end of it.

In this episode we get honest about what most of us actually do — over-apologize reflexively for things that were never our fault, while struggling to offer a real one when it matters. We talk about the relationships where apology stopped being about repair entirely and became something used against you. We talk about the apology that is never coming — and what to do with that. And we walk through what real repair actually looks like in an ordinary Tuesday, not a movie scene.

Harriet Lerner's research runs through this episode — her work on why most apologies fail is specific, surprising, and worth your time. If this episode resonates, her book Why Won't You Apologize belongs on your nightstand.

Because the quality of your relationships isn't determined by the absence of rupture. It's determined by your ability to repair.

If someone asked you right now what you want — not what's for dinner, not what everyone else needs — could you answer? For a lot of women, the honest answer is no. Not because you don't have wants, needs, and desires. Because somewhere along the way you learned that having them was inconvenient, and you got so good at editing yourself that you stopped noticing you were doing it.

In this episode, we slow down and get honest about the difference between a need, a want, and a desire — three words we use interchangeably and mean completely differently. We talk about how chronic self-abandonment trains your nervous system to flag your own needs as dangerous, why "I don't know what I want" is less about not knowing and more about learned invisibility, and what it actually feels like when your body has been keeping score long before your mind was willing to look.

This is the episode about coming back to yourself. Not dramatically. Not all at once. Starting with one true answer to one honest question — and building from there.

Because the relationships in your life can only be as real as you are willing to be in them.

In February 2019 I introduced myself to the internet with this: I don't want to post my highlight reel. I'd rather journey through life sharing life as it is. Comparison is the thief of joy.

And then I wrote the first line of the first real post: I acted many years without a why of my own. And I was not my own.

This episode is about why women lose themselves — what the research actually says, why we abandon ourselves and call it love, and what the conversation with yourself actually needs to sound like when you decide to start telling the truth.

We talk about the I will be more me when list we keep making — and why the permission we are waiting for is never going to come from outside. We talk about Deborah Tannen on socialized silence, Brené Brown on performing for belonging, Kristin Neff on the inner critic we mistake for our own voice. And we replace the five false internal conversations with accurate ones. Not affirmations. Corrections.

This episode closes the who am I arc and opens the door to the conversations we have been avoiding.

Only 23% of adult children say they know their parent extremely well — not as a parent, but as a person. This episode is about closing that gap.

We talk about what actually belongs inside your circle of control — and what you have been reaching for that was never yours to manage. The shift from authority to witness. Why our kids aren't afraid of failure because we told them it was bad — but because we never showed them what it looks like to fail and still be okay. And what the small ordinary moments actually build over time.

Also: 80% of conflict has no resolution. The goal was never resolution. It was the relationship surviving the tension.

Your job is not to create the relationship you imagined. Your job is to be someone worth coming back to.

I didn't want to be there. I said it out loud to a woman I barely knew at a children's museum — overstimulated, exhausted, maybe just used to no one listening. She said me too. That friendship has lasted twenty years.

That's what this episode is about.

This week we talk about the loneliness nobody names — the kind that lives inside a full life — and why so many of us are performing fine in the presence of women who are holding the exact same thing.

We talk about the should's that keep us quiet, why adult friendship is harder than it used to be, and what becomes possible when someone is finally too tired to perform.

I kept putting off a financial decision recently — not because I didn't have thoughts, but because a voice older than the decision told me I wasn't the one who gets to know things. That's not a money story. That's a family of origin story.

This week we go back to the beginning. The house where our silence was built. Where we learned which version of ourselves got the warmest response — and took that lesson into every room we've been in since.

We talk about the grief nobody names out loud, how to decide whether the conversation needs to happen, and what healing looks like when the other person can't or won't show up.

The silence built in that house is not the silence we have to live in.

Nobody decides to stop being honest with their partner. It happens in increments — one small reasonable decision at a time — until the thing you were waiting to say becomes the thing you've decided not to say.

This week we're talking about what builds up in the silence between two people, why resentment is almost always pointing at something unsaid, and the one question that changed everything in my own marriage: is this feeling coming from this situation — or from somewhere else entirely?

Also in this episode: the important difference between a relationship that is hard and one that is harmful — and why that distinction matters before anything else.

Your voice is going to come out wrong the first time. Too loud, too soft, or completely sideways. That's not a sign to stop — that's the FFT.

This week we get practical. We talk about what it actually looks like when you start using a voice you haven't fully used in years, why clumsy doesn't mean failure, and how to start building the muscle with something genuinely small.

I also share what happened five weeks into my separation when my voice came out at a family dinner in the worst possible way — and what showed up in my phone within minutes.

Find your practice space. Start there.

You can understand exactly why you go quiet and still go quiet anyway. Insight isn't the same as change. What keeps the silence in place isn't confusion — it's fear. Specific, legitimate, deeply grooved fear.

This week we name it directly. What you're actually afraid of underneath the practical reasons. Why that fear is historically accurate — and why it's still lying to you about what's on the other side. Plus the story of what happened when I said the thing at 23 and the institution failed me anyway — and why I still don't regret saying it.

Your voice doesn't always change the room you're in. But it always changes you.

In this episode, I explore something that sits underneath so much of our lives — our voice. Not the one we speak with, but the one that knows what we think, what we need, and what we will and won't accept. I talk about how many of us didn't lose that voice by accident — we were trained to silence it. We learned to edit ourselves, to keep the peace, to stay small. Today I start unpacking where that training came from and what it has cost us. This episode is an invitation to begin noticing it — without judgment — and to prepare for the work of finding that voice again.

I lost my best friend from high school this January. The bridge between us was always there — until it wasn't.

That's what this episode is about. The conversations you've been meaning to have. The person you've been meaning to show up as. The things you've been meaning to say.

Not someday. Now.

Your practice this week: catch yourself once in the act of not saying the thing. Write it down. That's it. That's where we begin.

What if purpose isn't something you discover once and hold onto forever?

What if it's something you discover in small ways — every single day?

Over the last few episodes we've been talking about something many of us are missing: margin. Space in our lives and space in our nervous systems. Because we can't build a life we love when every ounce of our energy is already spent holding the current one together.

But once we create a little space, another question appears: Now what?

In this episode I share five Japanese wisdoms that offer a gentler way to think about purpose, presence, and rebuilding a meaningful life in midlife.

Not a roadmap. More like a long exhale.

We explore:

• Ikki no Mei — finding one small reason to show up today • Ma — why the space between things matters more than we think • Shodo — how writing by hand changes the way we experience our lives • Wabi-Sabi — finding beauty in the life that didn't go according to plan • Kintsugi — why the cracks in our story may be the most valuable part

If you've ever wondered what comes next after years of caring for everyone else, this episode is an invitation to start small.

You don't have to solve your whole life.

You just have to find today's reason.

When did you last have margin? Not a vacation, not a Sunday — real margin. Blank space that belonged to no one and nothing. Just you, unhurried and present.

I'm guessing the answer is: not recently.

In this episode I'm coming to you through four different lenses — the coach, the yogi, the nervous system researcher, and the grandmother — each one asking the same essential question in a different language: how did we get so busy building a life that we forgot to live one?

This isn't about doing less. It's about getting curious about what the doing is protecting you from feeling. Because the busyness? It's not your problem. It's been your most loyal solution. And before we can set it down, we have to understand why we picked it up.

You'll walk away with four small, real practices — one from each perspective — and permission to start where you are.

You are not behind. You are not broken. You are just very, very tired.

Referenced in this episode:

Shauna Niequist — Bittersweet and Present Over Perfect
BKS Iyengar on the body and stillness
Peter Levine — trauma physiology and the nervous system

That flat, resigned Bohemian Rhapsody line — nothing really matters to me — caught in my throat at 14 and still does. What if it's actually permission? Permission to stop carrying what was never really yours and make space for what genuinely matters.

That's the Care Budget. Yes, I made it up.

This episode is about treating your energy like your finances — assessing where your cares are going and deciding if they deserve the investment. I share the moment I hit empty in Kansas City, why The Giving Tree is a cautionary tale for women who are really good at giving, and four questions to figure out what you actually care about — not what guilt tells you, not what you've always done on autopilot.

We also build the practical framework: audit, categorize, protect your non-negotiables first, practice the pause before saying yes, and revisit seasonally. Blue zone research found that a clear sense of purpose is worth up to seven extra years of life. Your Care Budget isn't just feel-good. It might be self-preservation.

You are not learning to care less. You are learning to care on purpose.

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You're not depressed. You're not fine either. You're somewhere in the middle — and there's actually a name for it.

In this episode, I'm unpacking why so many of us feel like we're watching our lives through a foggy windshield, and sharing one surprisingly simple shift that can wake you back up to yourself.

We'll talk about what's really happening in your brain when you hit that sweet spot where time disappears and your inner critic finally shuts up — and how to get there more often, even in the margins of a very full life.

This one's short, practical, and might just be the permission slip you didn't know you needed.

This week's invitation: Block 90 minutes. One activity. Show up for yourself like you show up for everyone else.

"Joy is an incredible alarm clock. It will wake you up, keep you up, and gently pull you through a thousand rejections along the way." — Jon Acuff

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Welcome to part two of our deathbed regrets series. Last week I covered the first four regrets—this week I'm finishing with the final six, and these might hit even harder because they're about living on autopilot, postponing joy, and holding grudges.

Regret #5: Not choosing happiness. Happiness isn't something that happens to you—it's a daily decision.

Regret #6: Not taking the risk. People don't regret what they tried and failed at—they regret what they never tried.

Regret #7: Not prioritizing self-care. Not bubble baths—actual care. Meeting your needs, protecting your energy, honoring your body.

Regret #8: Not taking the vacation. Both literally and metaphorically. People regret not traveling while they had their health, but this is also about not postponing joy.

Regret #9: Not living in the present. Harvard research found we spend 47% of our waking hours thinking about something other than what we're doing—and it makes us less happy. Presence isn't passive, it's a practice.

Regret #10: Not forgiving. Both others and yourself. Forgiveness research shows lower stress, better cardiovascular health, better sleep.

You have enough history to know where your regret lies. Do you have enough courage to stop rehearsing it and start rewriting it?

This week I'm covering the first four of ten deathbed regrets shared with hospice nurses—not to depress you, but to give you a roadmap while you still have time. Includes research from Blue Zones and the Framingham Heart Study on how connection and purpose add years to your life.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Mary Oliver's famous question might make your throat tighten. That's because most of us have never actually been asked that question - not in a way that expected an honest answer.

Instead, we've spent decades answering different questions: "How are the kids?" "What does your husband need?" "Can you help with this?" Until one day, we wake up and realize we don't know who we are anymore.

In this episode, we explore what happens when the roles that defined you - mother, wife, daughter, caregiver - shift or disappear. We talk about why asking "Who am I?" feels terrifying, and more importantly, how to actually start answering it.

This isn't about reinventing yourself. It's about coming home to who you've always been underneath the layers of conditioning, performance, and people-pleasing.

If you've been living everyone else's life and you're ready to reclaim your own - this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways:

✨ Your mind has been trained to lie to you. Your body tells the truth. Start with somatic awareness - notice what your body actually feels, not what you think you "should" feel.

✨ You're not broken - you're out of practice at being yourself. The neural pathways for self-knowledge weakened from lack of use, but neuroplasticity means they can be rebuilt.

✨ Identity emerges from boundaries. Sometimes it's easier to know what you DON'T want. Make a "not me" list.

✨ Give yourself permission to try things and quit. You're gathering data, not signing blood oaths. Exploration doesn't require commitment.

✨ When you reclaim yourself, your relationships will shift. Some will deepen, some will struggle, some will end. This is painful and necessary.

✨ The terror is the threshold. That fear you feel when asking "Who am I?" isn't a stop sign - it's the doorway to freedom.

Resources Mentioned:

Poem: "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver

Concept: The "Fawn Response" - Pete Walker's trauma survival strategy of appeasing and people-pleasing

Science: Neuroplasticity - the brain's ability to form new neural pathways throughout life

Over the past nine weeks, you've done the work. You've set boundaries, clarified your values, and practiced giving yourself grace. But now you have something you might not have had in years: space. And if you're like me, that space can feel more uncomfortable than the chaos ever did.

In this episode, I'm talking about what happens when we finally create room in our lives—and then don't know what to do with it. I introduce Brené Brown's concept of the FFT (the F*cking First Time) and why doing something new always feels awkward before it feels natural. I share a recent snow day that reminded me how easily I default to filling time rather than asking what I actually need. And I challenge you to befriend the quiet instead of running from it.

This isn't about adding more to your plate. It's about learning to trust that empty space won't swallow you whole.

In this episode:

Why the space you've created might feel harder than the chaos you left behind
Understanding the FFT and why discomfort is part of growth
The four-second rule that reveals our addiction to noise
A simple practice for befriending silence this week
What's coming in the next episodes (spoiler: Blue Zones research and wisdom from hospice nurses)

Resources mentioned:

Emily P. Freeman's The Next Right Thing podcast
Brené Brown's concept of the FFT (F*cking First Time)

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it. What does your empty space want to tell you?

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As we do the work of letting go of beliefs, patterns, and behavior - as we stop performing to earn value and set boundaries - something sneaks in like pre-dawn fog: grief. Grief is unexpected and often ignored, and it can hold us exactly where we are. This week I'm normalizing grief in personal growth and helping you namen what you're actually mourning. We're not just taking about capital G Grief (the profound loss of someone we love). We're talking about lowercase g frief - the ways grief weaves in and out of our lives as we grow and change. Including the strange grief of mourning someone who's still alive, still physically present.

In this episode:

What we're actually grieving: the version of herself we'll never be again, relationships that didn't survive our growth, the years we lost, and the beliefs we're releasing
Why growth requires goodbye—every time we step into a new version of ourselves, we close the door on who we used to be
The four frameworks that explain grief and growth: growth requires goodbye, we grieve our unlived lives, anticipatory grief lives in liminal space, and joy and sorrow are dance partners
How grief actually shows up: unexpected crying, exhaustion, anger, nostalgia for hard times, feeling lost and untethered
Why we can't skip the mourning period—and what happens if we rush to fill the void with new commitments
How to hold space for your grief: name it, feel it without fixing it, explore it, and create ritual for release

Quote of the week: "There's a Zen teacher that said what's holding you back is what you're holding onto."

Practice for this week: What identity, attitude, behavior, mindset, action, or belief are you holding onto that's holding you back? Notice the negative thought that says "that's not gonna work." This message kept you safe at some point—safe from ridicule, failure, the spotlight—but does it still apply? Thank it. Allow yourself to grieve it. And prepare yourself, because over the next few weeks we're gonna talk about building a life that suits you now.

Here's the reality: when we create boundaries and make changes, we will disappoint people. There's no way around it. But until two weeks ago, I'd never really acknowledged why I worked tirelessly sacrificing myself, my time, my energy, my peace to make sure no one was ever disappointed in me. This week I'm telling you the truth about why we avoid disappointment, what we're actually afraid of, and how to sit with someone's disappointment without abandoning yourself. This one goes deep—I share how 18 years of marriage to disappointment taught me to make myself invisible, and how I'm finally learning that my needs, wants, and desires can have value too.

In this episode:

The four patterns that keep us trapped: the family project manager, the woman making up for something, the problem preventer, and the woman who measures worth by what she does
Why disappointing someone feels like moral failure (because we absorbed that our worth equals our usefulness)
What we're actually afraid of: they'll leave, they'll confirm we're selfish, conflict, or becoming like the people who disappointed us
The difference between being kind and being available—and why availability without boundaries kills kindness
How to tell if you're trying to control their feelings versus actually being kind
The five steps for sitting with someone's disappointment: separate their feelings from your responsibility, acknowledge without apologizing, don't re-explain, feel your feelings but don't let them override your values, and give yourself permission to care while holding the boundary

Quote of the week: "A world where we disappoint no one is a world where we prioritize nothing. If your priorities never seem to matter, this could be an episode that brings answers your way."

Practice for this week: Notice where you're making yourself small to avoid someone's disappointment. What boundaries have you been too afraid to set? What would it look like to prioritize yourself just once and let someone else figure it out?

Understanding you need boundaries? Fine. Setting them? Different story. This week we're getting practical—I'm walking you through exactly how to set boundaries, what to say, how to hold them when people push back, and what happens when you start protecting your time, energy, and peace. Spoiler: it gets worse before it gets better. When you set a boundary, people are going to test it, question it, call you selfish, tell you you've changed. But here's what's actually happening—what you were doing benefited them, and that benefit is going away. This is Episode 200, and it's only fitting that it's about boundaries.

In this episode:

The extinction burst: why boundary-testing gets louder before it stops (and what happens if you cave)
The five-step process: get clear on the boundary, communicate it without over-explaining, hold the line, expect the guilt, and notice who respects it
Scripts for setting boundaries: "I've decided [boundary], and I understand if it's disappointing, but this is what's going to be"
Mantras for holding boundaries: "No is a complete sentence," "Their discomfort is not yours to fix," "Boundaries are not mean, they are clear"
What boundaries look like with kids (teaching them how to treat you), parents (protecting yourself from what they didn't give you), partners (equity and shared responsibility), and friends (balance on the ladder)
The three outcomes when you hold boundaries: some adjust, some resist then accept, some leave—and what each tells you about the relationship

Quote of the week: "Their disappointment is not our failure. Their struggle is not ours to fix. It is not our job to make them happy. Your job is to raise them to be capable, respectful, and independent adults."

Practice for this week: One boundary. Just one. Ask yourself: Where am I the most resentful? What am I tolerating that I no longer want to tolerate? What boundary would protect my time, energy, or peace? Write it down. Practice saying it out loud. Then hold it, even if it's uncomfortable.

The uncomfortable truth is when you change your values, the people who benefited from the old ones resist. This week we're talking about boundaries and the messy, guilt-inducing, relationship-testing reality of them. I've struggled most with boundaries around my time and energy—the assumption that because I'm home, my time is everyone's time. But being home doesn't mean being available. Your time still has value, even if nobody is paying you for it. If you've ever asked yourself "why are boundaries so hard?" this episode explains exactly why—and what you can do about it.

In this episode:

Why we struggle with boundaries (spoiler: nobody taught us, we were raised to be nice, and we watched our mothers operate from obligation)
The critical difference between nice and kind—and why you can't be nice and have boundaries, but you can be kind with them
What boundaries actually are (and what they're not): protection of your time, energy, values, and peace
The survival-level fears that keep us from setting boundaries: what if they get angry? What if they leave? What if I'm selfish?
Why the people who love you for your compliance don't actually love you—they love what you do for them
Where you need boundaries: with kids, parents, spouse/partner, friends, and yourself

Quote of the week: "Boundaries are not mean or selfish. Boundaries are limits on what is acceptable, what we tolerate or participate in. They act as a protection of our time, energy, values, even our peace."

Practice for this week: Notice. Notice where you need a boundary. Where do you feel depleted? Exhausted? Resentful? Where are you saying yes and then upset that you didn't say no? Write it down. Get curious.

You can do all the deep work—understand your should storms, clarify your values, honor your seasons—but on a random Wednesday when the old patterns come screaming back, you need something you can reach for quickly. This week I'm sharing the mantras that ground me when I feel stuck or out of control, and how to create your own that actually work. These aren't stolen from Pinterest or forced affirmations—they're short, believable statements that meet you exactly where you struggle and bring you back into alignment with who you've chosen to be.

In this episode:

What a mantra actually is (and why it needs to sound like something you'd actually say)
My most-used mantras and where they came from: "The sun doesn't shine on the same dog's ass every day," "A candle loses nothing from lighting another candle," and more
The four-step process for creating mantras that work: name your struggle, identify the truth you need to hear, make it yours, and pair it with your values
Why repetition rewires your brain—your old thoughts have years of momentum, your new mantras need intentional practice
How to use mantras as armor when growth feels tender and life keeps pulling you back

Quote of the week: "You can't think new thoughts by accident. They have to be chosen again and again. And that's what mantras do. They give you something to reach for when life busyness, anything is pulling you back."

Practice for this week: Create one to three mantras. Write them down. Say them out loud daily. Find yourself seeking deeper into a state of calm and to a sense of who you actually are underneath all the noise.

I used to think something was wrong with me when I couldn't keep up with other moms who seemed to be thriving while I was barely making it to bedtime. Looking back, nothing was wrong—I was just in an emotional winter while they were in summer. This week I'm sharing the four emotional seasons we all cycle through and why your capacity to live your values changes depending on which season you're in. If you've been exhausted, depleted, or wondering why you can't do it all anymore, this episode will give you permission to stop forcing summer capacity in a winter season.

In this episode:

The four emotional seasons (fall, winter, spring, summer) and how to identify which one you're in
Why we've been conditioned to operate at "summer capacity" year-round—and why that's impossible
How my postpartum depression and grief taught me that survival is sometimes the only value that matters
What each season requires from you and which values you can realistically tend to
Permission to let go, to survive, to move slowly, and to thrive without guilt

Quote of the week: "Be aware of what season you're in and give yourself the grace to be there." —Kristen Dalton

This week, we're choosing what comes next—your actual values, not the ones you inherited. I'm sharing the moment my therapist asked what values I wanted to bring to parenting and I sat there, speechless, realizing I'd been operating from survival instead of intention. We're examining the heavy list of values we downloaded from the 80s and 90s—perfectionism, productivity as worthiness, self-sacrifice—and exploring a new list that includes rest, joy, enough-ness, and boundaries. Because you can't decide what to release until you're clear about what you need to hold onto and why.

This week I'm naming something I think we've all felt but rarely talk about: the should storm. You know that voice that tells you you're failing at everything while you're just trying to make dinner? I'm walking you through where these thoughts actually come from, why they feel so loud, and a step-by-step process to quiet them. We're getting curious about the beliefs we inherited without choosing them, and we're learning to rewrite the thoughts that drive our most exhausting actions.

I'm kicking off a new series about letting go to uncover who we really are, inspired by John Acuff's Greatest Year Ever course. Just like the trees in fall draw their energy inward and release what no longer serves them, we need to learn to bring our energy back inside and use it with wisdom—not to meet everyone else's needs, but to sustain a healthy life. I've been questioning how our generation fell into the trap of doing all the things for all the people, treating ourselves like machines instead of humans who need rest and restoration. This week, I'm asking you to simply notice what needs to fall away in your life—the commitments, expectations, and beliefs about who you should be that no longer serve the woman you're becoming.

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Repair is the most skipped step in conflict work, and I've had to do a lot of it with my daughter after years of being too quick, too certain, and too afraid to be vulnerable. Today, I'm breaking down the four components of genuine repair—and why "I'm sorry, but..." will never rebuild what you've broken. This isn't a one-and-done process, and your timeline isn't their timeline—but every time you choose repair over justification, you're teaching the people you love that you're safe.

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Last Tuesday, my daughter came home frustrated and every instinct told me to fix it, control it, be right about it—but I paused and asked her what she thought her options were instead. This week, I'm sharing the specific questions that rewire how conflict happens: what to ask yourself before walking into hard conversations, how to stay present during them, and the reflection work that creates lasting change. Plus, I'm tackling the truth that 80% of conflict has no resolution—and why that's actually okay.

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Turns out, you can't think your way out of a fight-or-flight response—and that's why willpower alone never fixes how we show up in conflict. I'm walking you through what happens in your body during an argument, why my shift from fight to freeze confused my daughter's nervous system, and the practical tools that actually work to regulate yourself before, during, and after conflict. This is where we learn that our bodies aren't broken—they're just protecting us with outdated information.

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I used to be lightning-fast with my words—shutting down arguments before anyone could respond, winning every fight while losing connection. This week, we're getting honest about what we bring to conflict that makes it worse: unprocessed anger, the need to be right, defensiveness, or the ways we disguise control as care. If you're ready to stop having the same fight on different days, this episode is your starting point—because you cannot change what you do not see.

Ryan Dunlap: Conflict/ish

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." — Jim Rohn

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Most of us are grinding through life, dismissing the whispers of our body and our relationships because we don't have time to pause. But what if the noise we're taught to manage is actually news—information our lives are desperately trying to send us? I'm breaking down five concrete practices (that won't add to your plate) to help you shift from managing to listening, including nervous system regulation, creating safe space for vulnerability, and moving through stored stress in your body.

A few weeks ago, I did an exercise that completely changed how I see control—and honestly, it pissed me off before it set me free. I drew a circle and listed what I actually control inside it and what I don't outside it, and the truth was brutal: I've been spending most of my energy trying to manage things that were never mine to hold. Today I'm walking you through this exercise and the new soundtracks that are helping me release my grip on other people, outcomes, the past, and the future—so I can finally be present in the one moment I actually have.

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Research shows that trees don't compete for sunlight – they share resources through an underground network, warning each other of dangers and supporting the whole forest's health. I'm exploring how we can shift from competition to collaboration in our relationships, especially when social media makes comparison so tempting. Your community network is probably more abundant than you realize, and it's time to tend to it with the same energy you give everything else in your life.

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In a world where we're constantly fed opinions disguised as facts, I'm sharing the three simple questions that transformed how I process information. We'll explore why being "nice" sometimes means having uncomfortable conversations about truth, and how to navigate conflicting information without losing your sanity. I challenge you to apply these questions to something you encounter this week – because the truth doesn't change according to our ability to stomach it.

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I took an extended summer break and found myself not in the right headspace to return, which got me thinking about the energy we bring into the world. With all the negativity and chaos happening around us—from political unrest to violence—I want to ask: what energy are you contributing? I believe we are literally energetic beings operating at measurable frequencies, and there's science behind how our physical and emotional states affect not just us, but everyone around us. This week, I'm challenging you to pick one thing—whether it's starting a gratitude practice, getting moving outside, or simply noticing your body language—and try it for five days to raise your vibration.

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I'm exploring the connection between self-advocacy and self-silencing as I head into a break because I'm experiencing burnout myself, which feels perfectly timed for this topic. I challenge you to think about how we constantly tell our kids to advocate for themselves while we struggle to do the same, often because we've been conditioned to believe that self-advocacy is selfish when we're supposed to be sensitive to others' needs. I want you to examine where you've been self-silencing - avoiding conflict, neglecting your intuition, or not sharing your desires - and ask yourself what you'd tell a friend in your same situation, because awareness is the catalyst for change and nothing will shift if we keep putting everyone else's needs before our own.

I explore why women negotiate as often as men but succeed only half as often, and how we've been taught to negotiate like men when we should be leveraging our natural relationship-building strengths instead. I share a four-step framework specifically designed for women: reviewing past performance, understanding future vision, making the ask, and ending with collaborative questions that invite others into the solution. I challenge you to recognize that you're already negotiating every day - from managing household responsibilities to resolving conflicts - and it's time to stop settling and start asking for what you truly want using this collaborative approach.

Ted: Katherine Valentine

In today's episode, I explored how women can move beyond stereotypical emotional expression by developing emotional intelligence and expanding our emotional vocabulary beyond the mere 20 words most Americans use out of 3,000 available emotion-describing words. I discussed how emotions naturally last only six seconds unless we suppress them, and shared practical strategies like practicing the pause, self-regulation, and becoming more intentional in our responses rather than reactions. My goal is to help you understand that your emotions hold value and provide insight, and by learning to express them more effectively, we can strengthen our relationships, improve our intuition, and even boost our immune systems.

I'm breaking down the ridiculous stereotypes we've been handed about women in conflict – from the "hysterical female" to the "peacekeeper at all costs" – and why these scripts are keeping us small. The research is clear: healthy relationships actually have conflict 20% of the time, and 80% of disagreements aren't meant to be "solved" but understood, which means we need to stop treating conflict like something shameful to hide. I'm sharing specific roles we can step into during conflict that leverage our natural strengths – from Provider to Truth-Teller – so we can move from avoiding conflict to engaging with it skillfully and transforming our relationships in the process.

In this episode, I'm tackling the impossible position women face in professional settings—we're either seen as competent and cold or likable but unskilled, and honestly, I'm tired of having to choose between these limiting options. I dive into how we undermine our own authority through the words we choose and share practical strategies for speaking with confidence. Your expertise didn't accidentally find its way into your brain; you've earned it through experience, education, and growth, and it's time to stop apologizing for what you know.

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In this episode, I'm getting vulnerable about my struggle with boundaries, especially with my kids. I share the belief I’ve been operating under which has led me straight into burnout and resentment territory. I walk through my three-step process for setting clear limits and remind you that when people who've benefited from your lack of boundaries suddenly get challenged by your new ones, that's not yours to fix.

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In this episode, I challenge everything you think you know about assertive communication - it's not about being aggressive or demanding, but about being authentically you through honest, direct, respectful, and appropriate communication. I explore how women especially have been conditioned to prioritize being "kind and soft" over speaking truthfully, and why the people who benefit from us staying quiet wrote those limiting rules in the first place. We'll dive into practical ways to practice healthy communication. Remember, your voice matters, your needs matter, and healthy relationships require all four elements: honesty, directness, respect, and appropriateness - so begin where you are and start saying what you mean.

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Welcome to my new summer series where I'm examining the complex reality of communication as a woman and how we can move beyond limiting social expectations. Despite being raised by women who fought for equality and told we could become anything, we weren't prepared for the challenges we actually face - like being perceived as dominating when we speak just 30% of the time or being interrupted twice as often as men. This series will cover essential skills like assertiveness, boundary setting, and authentic expression because I believe our best communication comes not from following rules to keep everyone comfortable, but from showing up with confidence and our authentic voice. Join me as we become more aware, confident, and at ease with communicating in all areas of our lives.

In this episode, I dive into the exhausting reality of co-parenting with a covert narcissist, sharing real examples from my own experience that will sound painfully familiar to anyone in this situation. I break down four key traits that make co-parenting feel impossible: blame shifting, ruining special occasions, chronic unreliability, and weaponizing children's emotions. Through personal stories—from dangerous unsupervised water activities to last-minute schedule changes—I explore how these patterns affect our kids and why speaking up often makes us look like the problem. If you're questioning your sanity while trying to protect your children from a co-parent who appears decent on the surface but leaves chaos in their wake, this episode is for you.

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In this vulnerable episode, I share my recent Mother's Day shame spiral and how cultural expectations left me feeling "wrong" for not experiencing the picture-perfect joy we're told mothers should feel. I explore the crucial difference between shame ("What's wrong with me?") and guilt ("What did I do?"), offering practical questions to help identify your own shame triggers and the language they speak.

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www.brenebrown.com

An unexpected wake-up call provided by a high schooler provided me curiosity around what we aren't saying. In this episode, I explore what keeps us silent when we should be speaking up - from our misguided telepathy expectations to the emotional labor calculations we make without even realizing it. Join me for a candid look at the phrases beyond "I love you" that might actually transform your relationships, and the five questions to ask yourself when you feel that familiar urge to stay quiet.

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If you're the one who remembers every birthday, every school form, and every detail of everyone’s life—you might be over-functioning. In this episode, I’m getting real about the hidden emotional and mental load so many women carry, especially in midlife. I share how this pattern forms, why we cling to it, and the high cost it has on our health, relationships, and joy. If you're ready to stop drowning in invisible responsibilities and start reclaiming your energy, this episode is for you.

I’m asking a simple question today: when was the last time you felt plain, old “whelmed”—not over, not under, just steady? Growing up as latch‑key kids taught many of us that love was earned through being good, easy, and hyper‑capable, so we learned to outrun every need in the room. Now the hustle is our baseline, but it’s costing our sanity and stunting our kids’ growth. In this episode I trace how that survival strategy became a lifestyle and share the boundary‑setting, self‑check‑ins, and unapologetic rest I’m practicing to reset the dial to “enough.”

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Have you noticed how quickly we snap these days — in traffic, in line, or over something as small as an umbrella at a track meet? In this episode, I unpack why so many of us feel constantly on edge, and how stress, overstimulation, and emotional burnout might be driving more of our reactions than we realize. I’ll share a recent confrontation that left my hands shaking — and the questions it raised about how we treat each other, and ourselves. If you’re craving a little more calm in your everyday life, this one’s for you.

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This episode is inspired by an encounter at a grocery store where I almost missed a meaninful connection because of my unconscious "habit of hurry," despite having no real time pressure. This experience led me to get curious about how many of us live in a constant state of rush, creating false urgency that affects us physically and emotionally while preventing us from fully experiencing moments that matter. I offer practical strategies to break this habit, including mindful pauses, questioning our rush instinct, and remembering that our inherent worth isn't tied to productivity or efficiency.

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We are being emotionally manipulated by media and algorithms designed to keep us engaged through fear, outrage, and anxiety. I've discovered that my actual day-to-day life barely changes regardless of national politics. The 'news' we consume today isn't really news—it's opinions delivered by personalities who feel like friends but don't even know our names. In this episode, I share practical strategies to break free from this cycle of information addiction. Your real life is happening right here, not on screens or in national narratives.

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In this episode, I dive deep into the concept of letting go of past dreams that no longer serve us. We explore those persistent inner soundtracks - the "shoulds" and negative self-talk that keep us trapped in an unlived life. I challenge you to pause, reflect, and say goodbye to the dreams and thoughts that are holding you back, making space for the joy and potential of who you are right now.

I missed last week's episode because I welcomed a foster puppy into our home, which unexpectedly gave me time to sit, read, and reflect on our "unlived lives" - those desires we've silenced for too long. During this forced pause, I realized how much of what remains unlived in our lives can remain dormant simply because we don't speak up about what truly matters to us. Honest conversations - even when they don't change external circumstances - transform us internally and help put us on the right trajectory toward living our full lives. This week, I challenge you to say just one thing you've been holding back as a first step toward reclaiming your unlived life, one conversation at a time.

Today we’re diving into something deeply personal—our unlived life. It’s not just about the big dreams we’ve abandoned; it’s the potential we’ve yet to step into, the hobbies we never explored, the desires we’ve been told were impractical. I’ve been there—living small, holding back, and thinking I needed absolute clarity before taking action. But what if action itself brings clarity? What if simply writing down a dream makes it 40% more likely to happen, and telling someone makes it 80% more likely? This episode is an invitation to stop waiting and start living. So, what’s one small step you can take today toward the life waiting for you?

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https://www.instagram.com/wattneypoetry/

Boundaries are essential for a healthy life, yet they can be challenging to set and enforce. In this episode, I share a personal story about navigating boundaries with my teenage son and the emotional weight of following through on consequences. We also explore how boundaries go beyond just saying no—they protect our time, energy, and well-being. If even Wonder Woman had limits, why do we expect ourselves to do it all? Let’s rethink boundaries, not as walls, but as bridges to a healthier, more intentional life.

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https://www.instagram.com/mtnpoetry_byrachel/

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Are you wearing metaphorical “big red shoes,” pushing yourself into roles and routines that don’t actually serve you? In this episode of Say the Things, we explore our relationship with energy—how we use it, how we waste it, and how we can align with our natural rhythms instead of forcing ourselves into schedules that don’t fit. From mental and emotional energy to physical stamina, I challenge you to become a curious observer of when you feel your best and when you’re just pushing through. Maybe the real wisdom isn’t in doing more—it’s in honoring your own rhythm.

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In this special bonus episode, I sit down with my husband, Andy, for our first-ever podcast interview together—wine in my closet and all! We dive into the world of Valentine's Day social media posts and the authenticity (or lack thereof) behind them. Andy shares his honest take on the curated perfection we often see online, and we reflect on how our past relationships shaped the way we communicate now. From attachment styles to unspoken truths about marriage, this conversation is candid, funny, and full of insights. Happy Valentine’s Day—let’s talk about what real love looks like!

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Love and social media—what’s really going on behind those carefully curated posts? In this episode of Say the Things, I dive into the history of public love declarations (turns out, we’ve been doing this for thousands of years) and what research tells us about why we post about our relationships. Are we sharing or performing? Seeking validation or celebrating real connection? Our attachment styles even play a role in how we show up online. Let’s get honest about our digital love letters and ask ourselves: would our relationships look different if social media didn’t exist?

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https://www.instagram.com/tylerknott

I love comfort - there, I said it. But as we move past "Quitters Day" and into the heart of 2025, I'm getting curious about what we actually care enough about to get uncomfortable for. Join me in exploring the difference between the changes we choose and the ones that choose us, and why sometimes the most important question isn't about change at all - it's about what matters enough to make us willing to be uncomfortable.

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https://www.instagram.com/msmoem/

https://www.instagram.com/morganharpernichols/

Satisfaction, my husband asked me 'what makes me feel satisfied' while in a flurry of frustration, I moved on. But that question got me thinking about our complicated relationship with joy and why we often find it easier to share our pain than our pleasure. Let's talk about what happens when we dare to believe we're worthy of joy and what it means to choose heaven here and now.

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peom by https://www.instagram.com/madisonmorrigan/

For years, I thought my inner critic was just echoes of my dad's voice, but the journey took me deeper into understanding the impact of emotional abuse and how it clutters our inner dialogue. I'm sharing my experience and learning to recognize when those "never" and "always" statements are red flags. Come explore how we can choose which inner voice to feed and why self-compassion, not self-criticism, might be our best path forward.

Nicole Bachle Instagram

poem by Dana Wetherell

I've been getting quiet lately, really quiet. Setting aside my phone, choosing peace, and even embracing boredom has me thinking deeply about our relationship with time. Join me as I explore how we view time - through seasons, through social constructs, through expectations - and what happens when we dare to see time not as something to maximize, but as a precious gem meant for healing.

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poem by https://www.instagram.com/alexandravasiliupoetry/

In this final episode of 2024, I explore the fascinating roles we unconsciously play in our relationships and interactions. Drawing from my personal experience as a "truth teller" on a nonprofit board, I dive into how different roles like the peacemaker, caregiver, rebel, and connector shape our connections and dynamics. I examine the potential tensions and benefits of these roles, especially during the holiday season, and encourage listeners to reflect on their own patterns. The episode is a journey of self-discovery, challenging us to understand our authentic selves beyond the roles we've assumed.

In this week's episode, I jump into the raw and vulnerable journey of rebuilding self-trust. I share my personal experiences of how years of narcissistic abuse eroded my ability to trust myself, and the powerful strategies I've learned to reclaim my inner wisdom. From keeping tiny promises to practicing radical self-compassion, I'm revealing the roadmap to developing a profound relationship with yourself. If you've ever struggled with an inner critic, boundary issues, or constantly second-guessing your decisions, this episode is your lifeline to understanding how self-trust can transform every aspect of your life.

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In this episode, I explore the fascinating world of gratitude, diving into how our genetics, brain chemistry, and personality types influence our ability to feel thankful. I share research-backed insights on why gratitude can be challenging for some and provide practical strategies for cultivating a more grateful mindset. From understanding the role of genes to recognizing gratitude blockers like envy and materialism, I offer a compassionate guide to developing this essential emotional skill. By the end, you'll have actionable steps to bring more thankfulness into your daily life and improve your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

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This week, I’m diving into a topic that hits close to home: how cancel culture and politics are impacting our friendships. From ghosting to passive-aggressive unfriending, it seems like disagreements are dissolving even the deepest connections. But is it really about politics—or something deeper? Join me as I explore the messy reality of friendship, the importance of hard conversations, and how we can prioritize connection over division.

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In this vulnerable episode, I dive deep into how a simple conversation about coping mechanisms versus authentic personality led to some major personal revelations - especially about my role as a parent. Through conversations with my husband and a serendipitous book finding, I discovered that what I thought was "just who I am" might actually be ways I've learned to cope with life. I invite you to join me in examining where you might be living in "coping mode" instead of authentic expression, as we explore the difference between using coping skills for situations versus making them our way of life.

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In this episode, I'm making a significant shift in how I show up on this podcast - no more hiding behind research or filtering myself through fear. After recognizing how my divorce led me to develop protective coping mechanisms, I'm ready to get real, raw, and occasionally curse-word-filled as we explore everything from relationships and parenting to dealing with high-conflict personalities. If you're tired of shrinking yourself to fit into a pretty box that makes everyone else comfortable, join me as we start saying the things that truly matter.

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Today, I explored how a simple comment about manipulation during my walk led me to deeply examine what it looks like in our closest relationships. I realized that manipulation often goes unnoticed because we become desensitized to it, especially with people we care about. If you feel like you're walking on eggshells with someone or they use your vulnerabilities against you, it might be time to recognize these patterns and set boundaries for healthier relationships.

In today's episode, I explore how our past experiences—our "scars"—influence our daily interactions and relationships, drawing insights from the fascinating Dartmouth University "Scar Experiment" from the 1980s. I share personal stories about my own triggers, from aggressive honking on the road to my defensive reactions with my son and colleagues, to illustrate how we often respond not just to present situations but to accumulated past hurts. By providing practical three-step guidance for managing our reactions, I hope to help listeners recognize when they're viewing current situations through the lens of old wounds and learn how to respond differently. This episode is perfect for anyone looking to understand their emotional triggers and break free from patterns that no longer serve them. ** I am not a therapist, this podcast simply shares life experiences and research.

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Exploring the distinction between intentional ignorance and willful blindness, this episode delves into how we often choose to ignore uncomfortable truths that could disrupt our comfort. Through examples ranging from the 2008 housing crisis to our personal relationships with food, technology, and sleep, we examine how rationalization becomes willful blindness's constant companion. The episode challenges listeners to catch their "yeah, buts" and examine why they might be choosing to dismiss important information that could benefit their lives.

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” Soren Kierkegaard

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In this episode, I explore the concept of shadow work and how it relates to decision-making, especially in our most important relationships. I share my personal struggles with my daughter and how past experiences influence our interactions. Using the analogy of a photo library, I discuss how we assign meaning to different aspects of our lives and the importance of bringing our hidden parts into the light. I break down a complex decision-making process, considering the perspectives of ego, heart, and intuition, to demonstrate how our 'shadow' selves impact our choices.

In this episode, I process through the concept of living life in "portrait mode" - a photography-inspired approach to focusing on what truly matters. Join me as I explore practical ways to shift from a scattered "photo mode" existence to a more centered, purposeful "portrait mode" life. This episode is for anyone feeling overwhelmed and seeking to realign their focus with their true priorities.

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In this episode, I revisit the importance of routines and processes in our daily lives. I break down key components of morning, evening, and workday routines, emphasizing how they can boost productivity and reduce stress. I also discuss decluttering - physical, emotional, and mental - as a way to create more space and clarity in our lives. Finally, I share some productivity hacks like time blocking, batch processing, and habit stacking to help you refine your routines and processes for a more organized and fulfilling life.

In this episode, I wrap up our series on ways we make our lives more challenging than necessary. I explore several topics including letting go of control, overcoming fear of change, nurturing friendships, asking for help, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I also discuss the importance of avoiding overcommitment, moving past regrets, and nurturing our passions. Throughout the episode, I offer practical advice on how to address these challenges and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.

In this week's episode, I'm diving into three more sneaky ways we make life harder for ourselves: negativity bias, all-or-nothing thinking, and not advocating for ourselves. I break down why our brains love to focus on the negative, how black-and-white thinking sets us up for failure, and why speaking up for ourselves is crucial (but often scary). As always, I'm sharing practical tips to help you recognize these patterns and make small shifts towards a more balanced, fulfilling life. Remember, progress is progress – even if it's not perfect!

In this episode, I discuss three more habits that can make our lives more difficult: recognizing burnout, prioritizing self-care, and accepting our flaws. I emphasize the importance of acknowledging burnout, taking breaks, and practicing self-compassion. I also highlight how accepting our imperfections can free us from unrealistic standards and allow us to focus on what truly matters. This episode is all about small, incremental changes that can lead to big improvements in our well-being.

Today, we kick off a new series exploring habits that complicate our lives. I dive into four common behaviors: chasing perfection, people-pleasing, comparison, and excessive apologizing. I break down why these habits make life harder and offer practical strategies to overcome them. Drawing from personal experiences and insights, I provide actionable tips for embracing progress over perfection, setting healthy boundaries, refocusing on our own journey, and communicating more effectively. Join me as we learn to recognize these patterns and take small, consistent steps towards positive change.

The 4 -year anniversary of this podcast coincides with the 15-year anniversary of my dad's passing, I find myself reflecting on the profound impact he had on my life. Though the pain of his loss will never fully subside, I take comfort in the lasting legacy he left behind - his kindness, wisdom, and unwavering support that continue to guide me even in his absence. Listen in this short episode reflecting on the impact we can make.

In this episode, I reflect on how my life has unfolded in the last four years, and how I never could have predicted the challenges and growth I've experienced. Practicing forgiveness, learning to be true to myself has been the foundation that has sustained me through difficult times. I encourage you to embrace the ups and downs of life, to show up authentically, and to focus on their own journey rather than trying to control others. I'll be back in two weeks with Season 4.

In today's episode, I explore the challenge of receiving love, especially for those who identify as givers. I delve into why we often resist receiving and share signs that indicate this resistance. I discuss the concept of selfless versus otherish givers, drawing insights from Adam Grant's book "Give and Take." I offer practical advice on how to become better at receiving, including tips on accepting compliments and setting boundaries. Finally, I encourage listeners to reflect on their giving style and take steps towards a more balanced approach that allows for both giving and receiving.

In this episode of our summer series on life lessons, I dive into the topic of conflict. Drawing from Mark Twain's wisdom, I explore why healthy conflict is essential for personal growth and stronger relationships. I share insights on approaching conflict with curiosity and openness, emphasizing the importance of focusing on solutions rather than winning. Join me as I reflect on my own experiences with conflict and offer practical tips for managing uncomfortable situations.

In this episode, I explored the distinction between sharing personal stories and gossiping, inspired by Anne Lamott's quote about owning our stories. I discuss various factors that differentiate gossip from storytelling, such as intent, focus, and emotional content. To help navigate this line, I offered key questions we can ask ourselves about our motivations and the potential impact of sharing information. Ultimately, I emphasized the importance of focusing on our own experiences when sharing stories, while also being mindful of how we treat others.

Notable quotes:

"You own everything that happened to you, tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better." - Anne Lamott

"Owning our stories can be hard, but it's not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it." - Brené Brown

In this episode, I dive into the age-old adage "actions speak louder than words" and how it applies to our relationships and personal growth. I explore how different personality types, based on the Myers-Briggs system, tend to align (or misalign) their words and actions. I also discuss three personality disorders where intentional misalignment between words and actions is common. Finally, I offer advice on how to approach loved ones when you notice a disconnect between their words and actions, emphasizing the importance of understanding and compassion.

In this episode, I discuss the importance of recognizing red, yellow, and green flags in relationships and friendships. I break down what these different flags look like - green flags indicating healthy behavior, yellow flags suggesting caution is needed, and red flags signaling deal-breakers or abuse. I emphasize that red flags don't change or diminish, so we need to uphold our standards instead of rationalizing unacceptable behavior. Ultimately, I encourage listeners to assess the flags present in their own relationships.

In this episode, I discuss the tendency to complain or make petty comments on social media platforms, rather than collaborating or bringing value. I question why we feel the need to share certain things online that we wouldn't say in person, and whether we are truly engaging to share knowledge or just seeking an echo chamber. Ultimately, I urge listeners to think critically before posting and ask themselves if they are part of the solution or the problem.

In this episode, I discuss ways we can all get along better, like assuming positive intent from others, being mindful of how social media makes me feel, picking my battles wisely, and embracing more whimsy and laughter in our life instead of taking everything so seriously. I encourage listeners to pause from the seriousness, do things their soul loves, and find ways to enjoy the summer days more.

Today we consider how our perceptions of loved ones can change when the way we feel toward them changes, leading to a discussion about recognizing unresolved issues in relationships. I share what I spent years pretending not to know, unhappiness in my former marriage, and encourages open communication, seeking help, and deciding if you want to heal or move on from an unfulfilling relationship. Ultimately, advocating for having the courage to "say the things" we are pretending not to know.

Today, we wrap up the series on work-life balance/cohesion by using the analogy of a yoga dancer's pose. Just as finding balance in the pose requires grounding one foot while reaching with the other, allowing opposing forces of stretching and constricting, achieving harmony in life is about being grounded in your values while allowing yourself to be pulled in new directions. It's an ongoing practice of patience, self-compassion, and willingness to adjust as you go along. Embrace the ebb and flow, focus on quality over quantity, and create a life that truly supports your needs and desires through intentional thought and planning.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Today’s episode explores cultural concepts from Japan, Norway, Denmark, and Finland that offer new perspectives on achieving work-life harmony or "cohesion." It introduces the Japanese concept of ikigai, the Swedish principle of lagom, the Norwegian/Swedish appreciation for nature called friluftsliv, and the Danish idea of hygge. I encourage listeners to reflect on how adopting elements of these philosophies could bring more clarity, balance, and fulfillment to their lives. Learning from other cultures and making small, sustainable changes aligned with one's values, it's possible to cultivate greater work-life cohesion and overall well-being.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Today’s episode explores the concept of "work-life balance" or what I prefer to call "work-life cohesion." It starts by questioning if true balance really exists, given the complexities and ever-changing forces in our lives. The episode then provides seven areas to focus on to improve cohesion without adding more to one's schedule. It also addresses common misconceptions about work-life balance. The key is making small, consistent changes to create sustainable harmony between work and personal life for improved wellbeing and productivity.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

This episode discusses the importance of having a coded way to reach out to close friends when going through struggles or needing support, without having to explicitly state it. It is inspired by an anecdote about using the phrase "Do you have 8 minutes?" to signal the need for a supportive conversation. Listeners are encouraged to come up with similar codes with their friends to differentiate casual chat from a cry for help. Some practical tips are provided on how to be a good listener and support system, including active listening, asking open-ended questions, knowing one's limits, and using the "emotional contrasting" technique. The overall message is to have reliable, consistent ways to show up for loved ones during difficult times.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

The podcast episode celebrates Mother's Day by focusing on the importance of self-care for women, whether they are mothers or not. It starts with a poem that encourages listeners to listen to their bodies' needs. We then discuss seven simple ways to prioritize self-care without adding more to the to-do list. Small, sustainable habits in these areas can lead to significant improvements in well-being. It concludes with another poem about feeling connected and loved just as one is.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

The podcast concludes the series on disappointment in relationships by exploring the remaining three areas where disappointment can lodge itself - comparison, unresolved conflict, and lack of self-care/boundaries. It then provides practical strategies to deal with disappointment, including communicating expectations, focusing on personal growth, modeling desired behavior, and allowing space to leave toxic situations if needed. The key takeaway is that while disappointment is inevitable, its depth can be influenced by addressing root causes and adopting healthier perspectives and actions.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

This episode discusses the role of unmet expectations and communication breakdowns in causing disappointments in relationships. It highlights the importance of setting realistic expectations based on the other person's behavior and clearly communicating needs. The concept of radical acceptance for people with antagonistic personalities is also introduced. Strategies for minimizing disappointment through self-reflection, communication, and boundary-setting are explored.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In today's episode, I'm discussing the universal experience of disappointment. I kicked things off with a quote about weathering life's storms, then dive into the prevalence of disappointment, especially in high-stakes events like the NCAA basketball tournament. I explained how disappointment often accompanies other intense emotions like anger and hurt, particularly in interpersonal conflicts, failed achievements, and situations where we feel a lack of control. I also touched on the challenges of communicating disappointment, especially with antagonistic personalities. I concluded by previewing future discussions on the research and healthy approaches to navigating disappointment in relationships.

Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

This podcast explores communication fatigue, also known as information overload, which is a state of mental exhaustion that diminishes our ability to process more input. Contributing factors are endless digital inputs, meetings, data, multitasking, messaging, and being perpetually “on call.” Implementing boundaries, assessing communication value, scheduling focused work, practicing mindfulness, and taking device breaks can help manage this fatigue. Unplugging from devices brings back rhythms of quiet and stillness that allow us to truly connect.

This podcast discusses implementing focused communication tactics when you have a specific goal or issue to address. I walk through steps like identifying the core issue, naming your goal, knowing your audience, planning a clear and concise message, deciding on delivery method, addressing one issue at a time, and collaborating on solutions. Focused communication distinguishes supplemental versus essential information to have constructive conversations. There’s time for free flowing dialogue and time to “Vanilla Ice” a situation with direct communication.

This podcast continues the discussion on overthinking and introduces using targeted questions to change engrained thought patterns. I suggest asking if the issue is within your control, if you're relying on facts versus emotions, if it’s a recurring unproductive thought, and if the rumination aligns with your values. This self-questioning can disrupt negative cycles, reduce anxiety, and quiet mental chatter. I encourage listeners to implement “yes or no” self-questioning to gather insights on mental habits and create space for mindfulness.

Learn how overthinking sabotages communication and relationships plus tips to be thoughtfully present.

Do we tell our kids the unpleasant realities of life? Or do we protect them by glossing over hard topics? Join me as I share my experiences imparting life's messy truths to help build confidence and wisdom in my children.

In this podcast, I discuss an Instagram post of a teen's "white lies" t-shirt which leads me to question why we hide behind untruths rather than sharing what's genuinely happening in our lives; I challenge listeners to have more truthful conversations instead of superficial ones riddled with "smoke and mirrors," encouraging them to openly share when they're scared, excited, etc. I tell a story about pretending to be deaf when pulled over, questioning why we hide behind lies versus lead with the truth. I describe the anxiety I felt during my husband's medical test, relatable for most people facing difficulties. Ultimately, I urge listeners next time they talk to someone to choose truth over lies - we are worthy of being truly seen, heard and understood.

This podcast discusses the characteristics of trustworthy people, like authenticity, consistency, integrity, humility, compassion, and resourcefulness. I share my personal struggles with trusting others after being lied to in a past relationship. I challenge listeners to evaluate their own trustworthiness by asking if they are authentic, show up for others, act with integrity and kindness, connect people, and allow others to shine. Exposing our soft underbellies makes us feel vulnerable but is necessary for meaningful relationships.

In this episode, I share tactics for taking things less personally when criticized. I discuss a few tactics like releasing control of others’ opinions, knowing your worth, not staking self-worth on outcomes and more. Caring deeply about our work while finding wisdom to detach from ego allows for growth. Seeing feedback as fuel for improvement rather than indictments on our character can help in responding versus reacting. This episode concludes a two-part series.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this episode, I explore reasons why people tend to take things personally when they may not actually be personal. I cover using negative self-talk as motivation, being a social perfectionist, and other traits you or others you know experience. Understanding these tendencies can help us manage our reactions better when criticized. This is part 1 of a 2 part series, next week will be tips and tricks on how to stop taking things personally.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this episode, I explore whether love alone is enough to sustain a healthy relationship over time. I discuss how respect, trust, communication, compatibility, and other factors are also critical. I suggest using Valentine's Day or February as an opportunity to check in with your partner about what matters more than love in your relationship. I offer sample questions to ask each other and reflect on. Reconnecting in this way can strengthen understanding, intimacy, and partnership.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab/

https://www.meetmindful.com/is-love-all-we-really-need/

In this episode, I discuss how a lack of presence can destroy relationships even more than problems can. I explain what presence means—being fully engaged in the moment with your partner without distractions. I share tips for cultivating more presence such as meditation, setting boundaries, scheduling quality time, showing gratitude, and preparing mentally. More presence facilitates better communication, connection, and intimacy. I encourage listeners to reflect on how they can be more present with their partners.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1zTaXUOuqC/

In this episode, I discuss the different types of unhealthy or "toxic" silences that can occur in relationships. These include avoidance silence, withholding information, the silent treatment, contemptuous silence and more. I explain how each of these silences can manipulate, punish, or exert control rather than facilitate open communication. I emphasize the importance of recognizing unhealthy communication patterns and calling them out in a constructive way so that we can improve understanding and strengthen relationships.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this week’s episode, I discuss intentional ways to use silence in conversations to nurture intimacy and togetherness with loved ones. Healthy silence in communication includes quiet pauses for processing emotions, considering thoughtful responses, and self-awareness growth. I also discuss cautions of using silence and sensitivity to individual’s comfort levels and careful clarification when silence is misinterpreted. Tune in and discover areas of your relationships where intentional silence can enhance connection.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

https://www.orfieldlabs.com/tours

In today's episode, I connect the challenges of nurturing inner peace and its influence on my communication. We delve into the profound effects that inner peace can bring to our conversations and relationships. Exploring the automatic fear response in conversations, we discuss the nuances of physiological changes and disruptions in communication and ways to retrain our brain to achieve inner peace in familiar conversations.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Listen for insight as I dicuss my personal journey through the chaos of the holiday season, examining the impact of negative bias on thoughts and actions. The episode includes practical steps for diffusing negativity, including acknowledging biases, altering self-talk, and reframing situations. We then explore the deeper meaning of inner peace, distinguishing it from happiness whiile discussing strategies such as meditation, self-love, and gratitude. The episide wraps up by encouragement to identify your sources of peace and embrace tranquility amid life's challenges.

As we wrap up 2023, join me in reflecting on the profound impact of connections in our lives. Inspired by a powerful analogy about rats in cages, we explore the root of addiction—our environment. Dive into the world of "Rat Park" and discover the transformative power of meaningful relationships. From the challenges of parenting in a tech-savvy age to the societal shift towards isolation, we discuss the importance of fostering connections in our lives. Let's build our own Rat Park and combat addiction with genuine, fulfilling relationships.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Today, we explore the incredible phenomenon of the Fresh Start Effect—a psychological reset that occurs when we associate a specific point in time with a new beginning. From daily positive mindset kickstarts to annual reflections, we'll discuss practical ways to implement this powerful tool in both small and significant aspects of our lives. Join me on this journey of embracing the joy of starting anew and making every moment an opportunity for a fresh start.

Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle

https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-1

https://www.anthonyoneal.com

Join me as we revisit assertive communication, this time exploring the intriguing interplay between gender and communication styles. Drawing from Debra Tannen's research, we uncover the nuances that shape how men and women express themselves. Learn to overcome objections, navigate double standards, and embrace assertive responses that foster understanding and growth.

Welcome to another episode exploring assertive communication. Today we discuss practical strategies for enhancing assertiveness, starting with self-reflection to understand our default communication style. Active listening becomes a crucial skill as we learn to decode language, tone, and nonverbal cues, distinguishing assertiveness from aggression. The benefits of assertive communication, such as fostering understanding, resolving conflicts, and building healthier relationships, are uncovered. As we wrap up, remember that assertiveness is a powerful tool for clear, kind, and respectful communication, essential for strengthening connections in our lives.

Today we begin our two-part exploration into the empowering world of assertive communication. Discover how to express your thoughts, set boundaries, and strengthen your relationships and harness healthy assertive superpowers.

Episode links and quotes:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“Being assertive require honest self-disclosure. Assertive people communicate honestly and directly; they express feelings, needs and ideas and stand up for their rights, but do so in ways that don’t violate the rights and needs of others. They are authentic, congruent, open and direct. They are capable of acting in their own behalf; they take the initiative to meet their needs. They ask for information and for the assistance of others when they need it.” ~ Linda Adams

In this episode, we discuss the profound impact of forgiveness on our emotional well-being and growth. Reflecting on the complexities of the forgiveness process, we examine the importance of shifting perspectives, practicing self-compassion, and releasing the burdens of grudges. Join us as we navigate the transformative journey of self-discovery and resilience, offering insights into the power of empathy, acceptance, and setting healthy boundaries for emotional freedom.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this episode, we open the door to the art of embracing ease this holiday season. Discussing the significance of setting realistic expectations and the power of prioritizing self-care, we uncover practical strategies for simplifying traditions and creating meaningful moments with loved ones. Emphasizing the value of mindfulness and the importance of setting boundaries, we explore the impact of gratitude in fostering a sense of joy and connection during this festive time. Listen to discovering how to infuse ease into your holidays.

Today we discuss the gentle art of fighting fair and nurturing healthy communication in relationships. Discover practical tips and insights on how to engage in constructive dialogue, fostering understanding and mutual growth.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

https://brenebrown.com/

Today, we're taking a cue from relationship guru John Gottman, exploring the Four Horsemen of the Communication Apocalypse - Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. These toxic communication patterns can wreak havoc on even the strongest relationships, leading to emotional disconnect and lasting damage. Remember, conflicts aren't about winning or losing, but rather nurturing love and connection. So, let's strive to communicate with empathy, seeking common ground and understanding. Listen in and determine which horse you ride and phrases to use to restore health to conflict.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

In this special 100th episode, you are invited to an intimate glimpse into my life, sharing personal reflections on the delicate balance between comfort and growth. I share challenges of managing physical and emoational parts of life, marriage and parenting. We end with musings on finding equilibrium and stability amidst life's uncertainties, this episode is a gentle reminder of the intricate connection of human experiences and emotions.

Connect with me on IG

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

If you've not heard Emily P. Freeman "The Next Right Thing"

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-next-right-thing/id1268826768

Welcome to "Say the Things." In this episode, we discuss the art of listening, exploring its various forms and how they enhance our connections. We uncover the benefits of improved listening and emphasize the importance of persisting in this practice, even when it feels one-sided. Join me as we unravel the power of attentive and empathetic listening, fostering deeper understanding and meaningful engagement in our lives.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” – Larry King

In today's episode, we're exploring the various types of relational communication that play a pivotal role in building meaningful connections. Whether you're in a long-term relationship or seeking to enrich your friendships, understanding these communication styles will empower you to strengthen your bonds. Join me on this journey to unlock the secrets of effective communication.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Welcome to another episode of Say The Things, dedicated to helping you navigate the complexities of connection and communication. In this episode, we discuss some psychology behind why we sometimes hold back in expressing our thoughts and feelings. Understanding these psychological factors is the first step toward more authentic and enriching relationships. Join us as we discuss psychological reasons for holding back and reasons to move forward.

Instagram link: https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this podcast episode, we quietly celebrate the fourth anniversary of our journey, despite missing the actual date due to a commitment to our summer series. The podcast originated from a place of loneliness, seeking more in life than the confines of home. Life, as discussed, isn't just black and white but embraces the "and" philosophy, acknowledging the coexistence of conflicting emotions. The upcoming season will focus on strengthening meaningful relationships, inspired by personal experiences. The core theme revolves around the courage to speak our truths, emphasizing communication, self-reflection, accountability, and love as we delve into strategies for stronger connections.

In the final episode of our series on relational communication, we discuss the vital role of nonverbal communication, which accounts for 70 to 90 percent of our messages. Let’s be self-aware of our body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice during conversations. The episode also encourages observing both positive and negative nonverbal cues in others to enhance interpersonal relationships.

Welcome back to “Say the Things.” In this installment of our summer series on the top 7 issues in Relational Communication, we're delving into the topic of being clear and concise with our words. Our communication has a profound impact on the quality of our relationships and interactions. Join us as we explore the importance of clarity, how to achieve it, and the challenges that can arise when our audience isn't ready for straightforward conversations.

Episode Quotes and Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“The quality of your life is the quality of your communication.” Tony Robbins

"Communication is not about speaking what we think. Communication is about ensuring others hear what we mean.” Simon Sinek

Creating, implementing and maintaining boundaries is only part of successful boundaries. Don’t skip the step of communication. Listen to when and how to communication boundaries.

Episode Quotes and Links

“Stop asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it.” ~Anonymous

“Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.” ~Anonymous

“Give yourself permission to envision a big life, a happy life. Accept your greatness. Don’t settle! You didn’t come here to play small or make someone else’s dreams come true. You’re meant for everything that’s written in your heart, but it’s up to you.” Kristen Butler

Making assumptions is one of the top seven disconnects in our interpersonal relationships. Listen for a few tips and tricks to keep you from making assumptions and helping communication in your relationships become clearer.

Episode quotes and links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“When you speak openly and honestly, you won’t have to make assumptions. The day you stop making assumptions, you will communicate cleanly and clearly, and achieve impeccability with your word.” Don Miguel Ruiz

"If we don’t make assumptions, we can focus our attention on the truth, not on what we think is the truth. Then we see life the way it is, not the way we want to see it. When we don’t believe our own assumptions, the power of our belief that we invested in them returns to us. And when we recover all the energy that we invested in making assumptions, we can use that energy to create a new dream: our personal heaven. Don’t make assumptions." ~Don Miguel Ruiz

Resolving conflict varies in each situation with each person. Listen for skills to implement into your life to help resolution become the norm.

Episode quotes and links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“To solve a problem you have to recognize your share of the responsibility. If you only blame the others, you will never solve it.” Unknown

Expressing emotions in productive ways can be tricky. Listen to an easy 4 step process to keep communication in your most important relationships healthy.

Episode quotes and links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later, in uglier ways.” Sigmund Freud

Emotions Charts:

https://www.amazon.com/Laminated-Feeling-Borgman-Emotions-Theraputic/dp/B07C4615TX/ref=asc_df_B07C4615TX/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=652398941517&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2865433397060507114&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9009658&hvtargid=pla-2008465786048&psc=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwqZSlBhBwEiwAfoZUIMTOAXp29FrB-iOyWO2SQ8unhc3qnHgSP2UTJLaZ7jwub0LB7ry83BoCFsQQAvD_BwE

https://thechalkboardmag.com/the-feelings-circle-chart-emotional-communication/

This summer we are covering the Top Seven Issues in Relational Communication. Today we discuss active listening, listening to understand.

Episode quotes and links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” Ralph G Nichols

Quotes from Apple TV Ted Lasso

Summer allows more time with family and friends than most other time of the year. This summer we will cover the Top Seven Issues in Relational Communication. Each episode will cover one of the seven issues.

Episode quotes and links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“You don’t have to cheat to lose someone. You can lose someone from a lack of communication, attention and disrespect. It’s not always what you do, sometimes is about what you didn’t do.” Unknown

“Every action you take is a vote for the person you wish to become.” James Clear

Last episode we learned about Invisible Labor. Today we discuss how and when to communicate areas you want or need help and reasons your conversation may not be met with ease. Everyone has invisible labor, most of what happens inside the home is taken by the females. Have the conversations, improve the balance of work inside the home.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Invisible work, the thinking that goes into managing work, family and households. This phrase entered my world a few months ago and I’ve been doing some research to bring this to you. This is part one of a two - maybe three part series. Today we define and start understand what invisible labor is. Next episode we will discuss how to communicate invisible labor to those in our house.

Episode Quotes and Links

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“A reminder, in itself, takes tremendous mental effort by you. It requires knowing what needs to be done, remembering what needs to be done, and reminding someone to get it done, whereas the person being reminded gets off easy. He doesn't have to remember a thing, nor does he worry about forgetting. And if you think about it, reminding and praising is the daily work of parenting children, not partnering with husbands.”

― Eve Rodsky

Emotional Labor - Arlie Hochschild

We have spoken words that have cost us. Have you ever considered the cost of silence? The cost of not sharing the important, necessary words of your heart to those around you? Listen for phrases you can make your own to open the door to conversation you have held silent.

Episode Links and Quotes

Freedom is not free - from The Korean War Veterans Memorial, Washington DC

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

To show up and be present for others is one of the greatest gifts we can offer. Showing up for ourself is equally important. Learn to implement a few easy ways to build a more trusting relationship with yourself.

Episode Links and Quotes:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“Maybe life isn’t about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it’s about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it.” ~unknown

I am here- a few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast (I cannot recall which one) and the guest was sharing that's the way a friend greets others. I've lets those words roll around in my mind and spent time practicing that concept since I heard it. What does it mean and how can we say "I am here" or our own version of it to welcome ourselves and those we are with into present, real conversation. I also share my brief introduction to my mistress in my former marriage.

Episode Quotes and Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“Instead of forcing yourself to feel positive, allow yourself to be present in the now”

Daniel Mangena

“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.”

Eckhart Tolle

Grief is a part of all life, we cannot escape it. Communicating to people we love in their grief is challenging. We want our words to bring comfort, we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and show up with love and words that connect or maybe silence is the answer. Listen for ideas of what to say and what not to in these uncomfortable moments.

Episode Quotes and Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

"Grief is not a medical disorder to be cured. Grief is not spiritual crisis to be resolved. Grief is not a social woe to be addressed. Grief is, simply, a matter of the heart — to be felt.”

“When we love deeply, we mourn deeply; extraordinary grief is an expression of extraordinary love. Grief and love mirror each other; one is not possible without the other.”

“Others may tell us that it’s time to “move on” or that this is “part of some bigger plan” — because our shattering makes them feel uneasy, vulnerable, at risk. Some may avoid us, others pity us. But this grief is ours. We have earned this grief, paying for it with love and steadfast devotion. We own this pain, even on days when we wish it weren’t so. We needn’t give it away or allow anything, or anyone, to pilfer it.”

Joanne Cacciatore, Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief

“We need to talk about the hierarchy of grief. You hear it all the time—no grief is worse than any other. I don’t think that’s one bit true. There is a hierarchy of grief. Divorce is not the same as the death of a partner. Death of a grandparent is not the same as the death of a child. Losing your job is not the same as losing a limb.

Here’s the thing: every loss is valid. And every loss is not the same. You can’t flatten the landscape of grief and say that everything is equal. It isn’t.”

“There are losses that rearrange the world. Deaths that change the way you see everything, grief that tears everything down. Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has really changed.”

“The reality of grief is far different from what others see from the outside. There is pain in this world that you can't be cheered out of. You don't need solutions. You don't need to move on from your grief. You need someone to see your grief, to acknowledge it. You need someone to hold your hands while you stand there in blinking horror, staring at the hole that was your life. Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”

“There is not a reason for everything. Not every loss can be transformed into something useful. Things happen that do not have a silver lining.”

Megan Devine, It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

“Grief is a heart-wrenchingly painful problem for the brain to solve, and grieving necessitates learning to live in the world with the absence of someone you love deeply, who is ingrained in your understanding of the world. This means that for the brain, your loved one is simultaneously gone and also everlasting, and you are walking through two worlds at the same time. You are navigating your life despite the fact that they have been stolen from you, a premise that makes no sense, and that is both confusing and upsetting.”

Mary-Frances O'Connor, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

“The Story” by Brandi Carlisle inspired this episode. We have read or heard stories that helped us, guided us, changed us. The story helps when it's shared. Your story doesn’t mean anything if you don’t share it. Go share your story.

Episode Quotes and Links

“Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often.” Unknown

“Share your story with someone. You never know how one sentence of your life story could inspire someone to rewrite their own.“ - unknown

“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will become someone else's survival guide.” Brené Brown

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8pQLtHTPaI

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Music is said to be the window to our soul. Listen to three ways we can bring music into commuication whether it be a new acquaintace, a relationship that's stagnant or to deepen and connect in new ways.

Episode Quotes and Links

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

“Music doesn’t get in. Music is already in. Music simply uncovers what is there, makes you feel emotions that you didn’t necessarily know you had inside you, and runs around waking them all up. A rebirth of sorts.” Matt Haig

Relationships are built on communication. We are creatures of habit and our conversations tend to follow habits formed by our thoughts. We can begin to have automatic responses to conversations or topics that create cycles of confrontation. Learn the fundamentals of Cognitive Restructuring or Cognitive Reframing as a 4-step process of mindfulness to break the cycle for intentional, productive conversations.

Episode Links and Resources:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/couples-fight/

New Year, New You is a phrase that's often said to begin the year, or we set resolutions or choose a word or phrase of the year to focus on to improve during the year. Do we consider setting communcation goals? Is there a relationship you would like to see communication improve this year? Listen for ideas to improve relational communication in 2023.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

2022 is wrapping up. Listen to three questions to consider when reflecting on 2022 and to set intentions for 2023. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Episode Quote & Link:

Look Back by Mar Healy

http://marhealy.com/2019/03/09/look-back/

Trust is essential in healthy relationships. Today we discuss ways to allow relationships that have been damaged by lies to heal when we learn to trust. Note: This is about trusting healthy people again, there are people that are not trustworthy or healthy.

Episode Quotes and Resources:

“There is a surrendering to your story and then a knowing that you don’t have to stay in your story.” Colette Baron Reid

“Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.” Isaac Watts.

Glennon Doyle https://momastery.com

Does it feel like no one hears what you are saying and your words are not initiating change? Listen to the 7 steps to improve your persuasive communication.

Quotes and Links

“If you can't convince them, confuse them.” Harry S. Truman

“You have to get around and listen to what people are saying. Dewey learned that in ’48. He didn’t listen, he just talked - and he didn’t say much either.” Harry S. Truman

https://www.highconflictinstitute.com

We have all know the phrases “the power of yes” or “the power of no” and we often respond to invitations with “maybe”. Listen in as I discuss why use use “maybe” and how we can be clearer in our communication and still allow the flexibility of “maybe”.

“There is no communication that is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.”― Luigina Sgarro

Allowing life to happen isn’t something that comes naturally to many of us. Today I discuss what we can control and four questions to ask ourselves to let go of our should, would, coulds and allow life to unfold.

Episode Resources and Links

Allow by Danna Faulds

https://www.shaunaniequist.com

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-questions-let-go-allow-life-to-happen/

We seem to be a lot of angry people. Is anger what we are actually feeling or are we hiding behind other emotions and expressing anger because it's safe? Today we discuss what may be behind our anger and ways to discuss these emotions with people we have relationships with.

This episode kicks off Season 2. Words are a powerful force. Many of us have little to no training in communication and our relationships show it. Let’s spend intentional time this year and consider how we can use our words to be a powerful positive force in our lives and the lives of the people we know and love.

Episode Quotes and Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively, with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to humiliate and to humble.” Yehuda Berg

This episode kicks off Season 2. Words are a powerful force. Many of us have little to no training in communication and our relationships show it. Let’s spend intentional time this year and consider how we can use our words to be a powerful positive force in our lives and the lives of the people we know and love.

Episode Quotes and Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively, with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to humiliate and to humble.” Yehuda Berg

This week marks the two year anniversary of this podcast. I share with you what’s been happening in my life behind the scenes over the last two years.

Episode links and resources

“Sometimes you plodded through life with nothing changing from one month to the next no matter how much you yearned for a revolution to erupt beneath your feet. And sometimes your whole world imploded and rebuilt itself in a matter of seconds.”

― Laura Kaye,

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Email: thenicolebachle@gmail.com

We want to be seen, heard and understood. Are we displaying information thinking we are being seen and really only being noticed? Today is a quick rant about the difference between being noticed and being seen.

Episode Links and Quotes

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“Don’t confused getting noticed with being seen.” Tanya Geisler

We hve more access to the public cries for what is wrong in the world, in our country. Advocate is a positive term, many advocates I’ve witnessed are not. Listen to today’s episode for a few ways to become a positive advocate for the things that move you.

Episode Quotes and Links

“No voice is too soft when that voice speaks for others.” Janna Cachola

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

We often being hard to hear or say conversations with "I'm not trying to be" and then are whatever we just said; whether it be rude, offensive, mean. Offering criticism isn't easy. Listen to a few ways to offer criticism in a positive way.

Episode Quotes and Links:

“The prase ‘don’t take this the wrong way’ has a zero percent success rate.” May 26, 2022 Life Hacks Calendar

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Not every behavior needs a diagnosis or title from the DSM-5. I see and hear people calling every selfish person a narcissist. Join me today as I discuss a few differences between selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed and narcissists.

Episode links and resources:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“There’s a reason narcissist don’t learn from mistakes and that’s because they never get past the first step which is admitting that they made one.” Jeffrey Kluger

Let’s be honest…

If I’m being honest…

I’m not lying…

Do you hear or speak those words and question the honesty of the other words of the conversation? Join me for a quick ‘just for thought’ episode about why we and others use the phrases “Let’s be honest, If I’m being honest…”

Episode links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Let Me Clear My Throat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JG9ZwhxSXs

We have been discussing ways to implement more of you, your heart and mind into your relationships buy finding and using your voice. Today is a quick review.

Episode Quotes, Links and Resources:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“The only way to find your voice is to use it.” ~Jen Mueller

Top Gun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeK7NQnulbM

Pretty Woman (not the exact one I wanted, but it will do ;) )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhBEgkLUcgk

We often tell stories of the words we say, what about the things we don’t say? Difficult conversations are difficult. Listen to some strategies to help you find and use your voice in difficult spaces.

Episode Links & Resources

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“All the things we don’t say, all the words we swallow, and it makes nothing but trouble.” Anna Quindlen

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most; Douglas Stone

https://www.americanexpress.com/en-us/business/trends-and-insights/articles/top-ten-tips-for-handling-the-difficult-conversation/

https://www.stellarcc.com/the-blog/2018/5/27/simple-strategies-for-telling-the-hard-truth

https://youtu.be/1SCOimBo5tg

How do we speak up about pain and hurt from the past? Listen in to four ways to take an active role in handling past hurts in your relationships. Episode links and resources:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

https://safire-rose.com/books-and-media/poetry/she-let-go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyF8RHM1OCg

https://www.instagram.com/p/CcTfp_tvcg_/

Have you ever found yourself caught in conflict and can’t find a resolution? This episode gives you insight into what percentage of our arguments have actual solutions. You learn about the three types of problems and I provide a new way to approach conflict to turn it into conversation.

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Episode Quotes and Resources:

“The way you reach people is by finding common ground, separating ideas from identity and being genuinely open to persuasion. Debate is organized conversations about the way the world is, and could be.” Julia Dhar

https://ideas.ted.com/6-strategies-to-help-you-turn-heated-dinner-arguments-into-real-conversations/

https://www.shanesnow.com/take-the-intellectual-humility-assessment

www.Humilityandconviction.uconn.edu

https://snow.academy/intellectual-humility-assessment

https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/

A cover song is a new recording or performance of a song by an artist other then the original composer. There are no original thoughts and words. This episode is about ways to use other people’s words that have met you where you are to gain confidence in finding and using your voice.

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Episode Quotes and Resources:

“Cover versions, that’s my forté, that’s all I ever used to do. When you play your own songs, it’s quite scary, ‘cause I’m quite honest and open, they can be very revealing. But covers, I don’t have to think about, just get me up there!” Ellie Goulding

“I started listening to and playing other music in the 90’s. It was after hearing other bands, like Bad Religion, cover Ramones songs that I started to like our songs again.” Dee Dee Ramone

“What has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9

I Think We’re Alone Now - Tommy James and the Shondells

We all give and receive apologies. We know bad ones, do we know how to offer good ones? Today I discuss

six components of a successful apology
words that ruins an apology
how to apologize for past mistakes.

Episode Quotes and Resources:

Never forget the nine most important words of any family -

I love you.

You are beautiful.

Please forgive me.

~H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Benjamin Franklin

Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego. ~Mark Matthews

An apology is the superglue of life! It can repair just about anything ~unknown

https://news.osu.edu/the-6-elements-of-an-effective-apology-according-to-science/

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Silence has it’s place in our relationships. What about the silence that is more like a cancer growing and distancing us from intimacy in our relationships. Listen how we can apply the lyrics written by Paul Simon to our lives each and every day. Have the courage to disturb the sound of silence. https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Sound of Silence: Simon & Garfunkel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAEppFUWLfc

Sound of Silence: Disturbed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4

Today, I discuss the pros and cons of conformity, ways to be aware of it in your life. Does conforming have a positive or negative effect on us? Episode Quote & Resources: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too hight to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Friedrich Nietzche

“Group conformity scares the pants off me because it’s so often a prelude to cruelty towards anyone who doesn’t want to - or can’t - join the Big Parade.” ~Bette Midler

“Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.” John F. Kennedy

https://sites.psu.edu/siowfa16/2016/10/12/why-do-we-conform/

The words we speak, thoughts and reactions we have; they come from what lives in our heart. When we have anger, bitterness, judgement, resentment, comparison and envy in our heart it leaks into our words and out into the world. The world has enough of that, let’s learn to people that Say The Things from a place of light, love, forgiveness and curiosity instead. Listen for ways to heal your heart to move from leaked darkness to beacons of light. Episode Resources & Quotes:

“Never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter; hush until you heal.” ~unknown

Roxette: Listen To Your Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCC_b5WHLX0

Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying ‘you’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.’ It’s saying ‘You don’t get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future.”

~Jodi Picoult

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Emotions chart:

https://www.happierhuman.com/feelings-charts-adults/

We are a few weeks into the new year. How open are we to today’s experiences and opportunities if we are burdened with the trials of yesterday or last year? Listen to become aware of how we carry yesterday into today.

Episode Quotes, Links and Resources:

“Why do you stay in a prison when the door is so wide open?”

~ Rumi

Right Now: Van Halen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLQawHJ38Sc

Newton’s Law of Motion

Desire map; Daneille LaPorte

https://daniellelaporte.com

There are different approaches to reflecting on the past. Today’s episode shares a few perspectives and 5 things I learned in 2021.

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Episode Quotes:

“Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” Henry David Thoreau

“I’ll look back on this and smile because it was life and I decided to live it.” ~Unknown

“There’s a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.” ~Unknown

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones more responsive to change.” Charles Darwin.

“A strong step forward requires an honest assessment of the place where you currently find yourself.” John Eli

https://www.instagram.com/the.john.eli/

“It’s not how we make mistakes, but how we correct them that defines us.” ~ Rachel Wolchin

Songs:

Forever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBRWn0VKwdI

Here I Go Again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyF8RHM1OCg

Hand In My Pocket

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUjIY_XxF1g

The year is coming to a close, some make time to dream of the upcoming year creating vision boars, deciding words or phrases or resolutions. Knowing what we want is pivotal in creating a life we love. Listen to this short episode to hear questions to consider to help you determine what you want. Quotes:

“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that’s why they don’t get what they want.” ~Madonna

You get in life what you have the courage to ask for - Oprah

The year is coming to a close, some make time to dream of the upcoming year creating vision boars, deciding words or phrases or resolutions. Knowing what we want is pivotal in creating a life we love. Listen to this short episode to hear questions to consider to help you determine what you want.

Quotes:

“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that’s why they don’t get what they want.” ~Madonna

You get in life what you have the courage to ask for - Oprah

The year is coming to a close, some make time to dream of the upcoming year creating vision boars, deciding words or phrases or resolutions. Knowing what we want is pivotal in creating a life we love. Listen to this short episode to hear questions to consider to help you determine what you want.

Quotes:

“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that’s why they don’t get what they want.” ~Madonna

You get in life what you have the courage to ask for - Oprah

For every physical injury we endure, scar tissue develops; it’s a natural part of the way our body heals and protects itself from future injury. Does emotional scar tissue develop after emotional scars? Take a listen and consider how handling emotions can help us heal from the emotional scars in our lives.

Show Quotes and Resources:

“Look at me, he said ‘your scars are not your shame, they are your story.’ He smiled, “and I love stories.”

~Atticus

“Never be ashamed of your scars. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~ Unknown

“The scars you share become lighthouses for other people who are headed to the same rock you hit.” ~Unknown

“We all wear scars, find someone who makes yours feel beautiful.” ~Atticus

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

https://www.instagram.com/atticuspoetry/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzJj5-lubeM

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/scar-tissue-pain

https://www.newheightstherapy.com/manual-therapy-scar-tissue-massage/

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/muscle-pain-it-may-actually-be-your-fascia

For every physical injury we endure, scar tissue develops; it’s a natural part of the way our body heals and protects itself from future injury. Does emotional scar tissue develop after emotional scars? Take a listen and consider how handling emotions can help us heal from the emotional scars in our lives.

Show Quotes and Resources:

“Look at me, he said ‘your scars are not your shame, they are your story.’ He smiled, “and I love stories.”

~Atticus

“Never be ashamed of your scars. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~ Unknown

“The scars you share become lighthouses for other people who are headed to the same rock you hit.” ~Unknown

“We all wear scars, find someone who makes yours feel beautiful.” ~Atticus

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

https://www.instagram.com/atticuspoetry/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzJj5-lubeM

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/scar-tissue-pain

https://www.newheightstherapy.com/manual-therapy-scar-tissue-massage/

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/muscle-pain-it-may-actually-be-your-fascia

Resistance, we may avoid it; it feels like a struggle. What if we have it wrong? Resistance is a necessary stage in personal growth. Without it, we don't achieve true acceptance. Listen in as I offer some insight to what I've discovered about resistance that may help us get more comfortable and propel us forward in personal growth.

Show Links, References and Quotes:

“Resistance to reality is an unwillingness to see things are they truly are. It’s the struggle you’re in when you fight against an unsatisfactory situation, trying to change it through force, manipulation or any tactic where you’re trying to control the outcome. It’s the fear you feel in the face of change.”

https://tracycrossley.com/217-journey-attachment-resistance-reality/

Dissolving Your Resistance Meditation by Jelena Fu

https://insighttimer.com/jelafu77/guided-meditations/dissolve-your-resistance

Resistance as a Pathway to Change; Melinda Wells

https://www.ted.com/talks/melinda_wells_resistance_as_a_pathway_to_change?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

Everything, Alanis Morissette

https://youtu.be/Bgeqw7s00xg

“You sit on a throne of lies.” Buddy the Elf, Elf.

“She walked in through the out door.” Raspberry Beret, Prince

“Resistance can inspire you when you see it for what it is: a magic expansion lever. Resistance helps you break through.” Danielle LaPorte

Accepting and receiving help can be uncomfortable. Today’s episode covers six reasons accepting help is hard and offers a few suggestions on how to get comfortable receiving help.

Thank you, Lindsay for this message and thank you for loving and caring for me like you do.

Links and Quotes:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything.

Settling, we do it for our own reasons. There are times to settle and times to soar. Consider a few ideas of ways to change from settle to living the life you want.

Things to consider:

Where are you settling?
What do you want?
How can you plan to succeed?

Episode Quotes:

“To my fellow women: Please don’t settle. Not in a job you hate, not in a town where you don’t feel at home, not with friendships that aren’t real, and especially, especially not with love.” ~ Marisa Donnelly

“Know your worth” You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is not longer being served.” ~Tene Edwards

“Don’t you dare settle for fine!” Roy Kent; Ted Lasso

https://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com

Ted Lasso is the topic of today’s episode. My love of the writing, cast members and dynamics is huge. One outstanding trait of the characters, they all say the things. They say the things and listen to one another. They hear each other and it’s wonderfully uplifting thing to observe; even if it is fiction. The interaction and communication is attainable in our lives.

Things to consider:

Do you have people in your life that hold you accountable for your words and actions?
Do you allow people to see your struggle and walk beside you through life?
Do you have someone that gives feedback on topics when others in your life remain quiet?

Links

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

https://tv.apple.com/us/episode/pilot/umc.cmc.zb0yksqtym68hasbq8mj4jwp

We say an average of 10,000 words every day, yet there are many things left unsaid. What happens when we quit sharing with those closest to us words that matter? We sweep what matters under the rug. Listen to things I’ve swept under the rug, suggestions for approaching how to bring to light words we hid and the cost of sweeping the words of our heart under the rug.

Resources and links:

https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/534347

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

A few months ago while talking to my brother he said the phrase “Everyone thinks they are better than the stats on the back of their player card.” We are quick to judge others and give ourselves a break in this area. Self-awareness can be a tricky beast. How would your behavior change if your actual performance in relationships was reported like the statistics of a baseball player?

Focusing on bringing the best you into relationships to give love, honor, respect to those around you. Today’s episode lists 12 fundamentals of healthy relationships. Listen in and consider how you are doing. Have conversations with those close to you about your performance and how you can improve to help your relationship grow and thrive.

Connect with me @

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

https://www.charliemackesy.com

https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/v/verlaju01.shtml

Ever felt lonely and wanted a way out? Lonely for me was a lack of connection, feeling unheard and unseen. Listen in for a brief explanation of loneliness. Learn a few ways we can use active listening to combat loneliness.

Resources & Quotes

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad—and that is being alone and being sad.” Ted Lasso (Apple TV)

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friend who listens to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” ~ Karl Menneger.

https://www.usnews.com/news/health-care-news/articles/2018-05-01/study-many-americans-report-feeling-lonely-younger-generations-more-so

https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749

We want to be seen, heard and understood, yet it is difficult to let or put our guard down. We must learn to live a life with people that’s unguarded. Note: Not everyone is safe to be unguarded, employ healthy boundaries.

Three Things I’ve Learned and Practiced:

Give what you want in relationships.
Have hard conversations (yes, say the things)
Accept help

Episode Quotes and Links:

“I can see it in your face. You’re somewhere below the surface. So you hide yourself away. A masterpiece behind a curtain.” JJ Heller “Let Your Guard Down”

“Uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. It is not weakness, it is our most accurate measure of courage.”

Brené Brown’s

What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me.” Joe Cocker “A Little Help From My Friends”

“And though it all, what a gift you gave to the world by choosing to remain open.”

~unknown

https://www.instagram.com/the.embodiedtherapist/

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Signs of a deep friend connection:

Laughter is abundant.

Honesty is encouraged. Vulnerability is welcomed. Support is real and active.

You can put your guard down. You can inspire each other to grow.

You can give each other good advice.

They help during times of stress.

Both of you feel stronger together.

~Yung Pueblo

Are you tired of being tired? Today I discuss the difference between sleep and rest. Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD and author of Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Renew Your Sanity, provided me much needed insight to move beyond exhaustion.

IN THIS EPISODE:

Discover the 7 Types of Rest
Ways to rest to overcome exhaustion and fatigue
Tips to implement rest into your life

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Resources:

https://riskandinsurance.com/fatigue-costs-your-business-more-than-you-think-but-it-doesnt-have-to/

https://ohsonline.com/articles/2017/07/27/43-percent-of-americans-admit-they-are-too-tired-to-function-at-work.aspx

Poem found in All Along you Were Blooming, p. 98 Morgan Harper Nichols

https://www.instagram.com/morganharpernichols/

Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD and author

https://www.drdaltonsmith.com

Research shows 80% of our thoughts are negative. How does the cycle of negative thoughts keep us held in a place of being unaware of the beauty of life around us? There will always be storms in life, do we focus more on the force of the storm, the death grip on our umbrella or do we take time from doing and struggling to see beyond the umbrella, the beauty that exists because of the storm?

Connect with me on IG:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Episode resources and links:

Rainbow - Kacey Musgraves

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OFv566mj7s

https://tlexinstitute.com/how-to-effortlessly-have-more-positive-thoughts/

https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618#what-the-research-says

The Wong Janice

https://www.youtube.com/user/swedenothings

Decisions are all around us. Do we make the decisions we need to make as we need to make them allowing life to unfold or do charge ahead not fully aware of our needs and direction? Consider taking a breath, softening, allowing space for imperfection.

Connect with me @NicoleHagman_writes on IG

“It only take a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn’t a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I’m going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery.” Walk Slowly; Danna Faulds

Cornell University: https://evidencebasedliving.human.cornell.edu/2010/03/02/so-many-decisions-so-little-time/

Wise words:

@Authenticyogaidaho - “There are no good or bad decisions, only the consequence of them.”

-Chris (my friend and yoga instructor) “If you take care of the things that need to be taken care of, as they need taken care of, life unfolds as it should.”

Andy - Engineer - help me understand “dither” in an engineering sense.

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Think lightly, act lightly, feel lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.

Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. Lightly, lightly - it’s the best advice given to me. Throw away your baggage and go forward.

There is quicksand all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That is why you must walk so lightly.” Aldous Huxley, Island

Validation is the act of helping someone feel heard and understood. It's a powerful relationship tool, we all need. Validation can boost joy and excitement, end arguments and conflict, build connection, calm fears, squelched concerns. Listen to get an understand of what validation is, isn’t , what is invalidation. Let’s say the things that build healthier, stronger relationships.

Episode Quotes & Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“If you put your validation in the hands of others, you will be obligated to go back to them every time you need it.” ~Michelle Benedek

It’s Not About the Nail

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

“How someone responds to your emotions and perceptions will indicate how much they respect you, how much they care about you and your feelings, how capable they are of empathy and intimacy.” ~Adelyn Birch

https://michaelssorensen.com/about/

https://artsci.washington.edu/news/2002-10/predicting-which-marriages-will-fail-and-when

Hope, a universal term with two meanings. How do we frequently use ‘hope’? Listen as we discuss reason for hope, types of hope, and 7 downsides of hope and what hope needs.

Connect with me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Episode Links & Resources:

“Those who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man—his courage and hope, or lack of them—and the state of immunity of his body will understand that the sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect.” Viktor Frankl

“I sometimes wonder how many times the word ‘maybe’ is really a ‘no’ that lacks courage.”

~ Dr. Henry Cloud

“The death rate in the week between Christmas, 1944, and New Year’s, 1945, increased in camp beyond all previous experience. In his opinion, the explanation for this increase did not lie in the harder working conditions or the deterioration of our food supplies or a change of weather or new epidemics. It was simply that the majority of the prisoners had lived in the naïve hope that they would be home again by Christmas. As the time drew near and there was no encouraging news, the prisoners lost courage and disappointment overcame them. This had a dangerous influence on their powers of resistance and a great number of them died. As we said before, any attempt to restore a man’s inner strength in the camp had first to succeed in showing him some future goal. Nietzsche’s words, “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how,” could be the guiding motto for all psychotherapeutic and psychohygienic efforts regarding prisoners.” Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

“I sometimes wonder how many times the word ‘maybe’ is really a ‘no’ that lacks courage.” ~Dr. Henry Cloud

At a deeper level, hope link our present, to our past and future, providing us with a meta narrative or overarching sorry that lends our life shape and meaning. Our hopes are the strands that run through our life, defining our struggles, our successes and setbacks, our strengths, and shortcomings, and in some sense ennobling them.” Neel Burton

“Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up.” Hope Floats movie

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201807/7-downsides-hope

Types of hope gathered from few resources:

https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/beyondblue/2009/11/last-week-anthony-scioli-coaut.html

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-7-kinds-of-hope#2

Show Notes:

When people in our lives are struggling, we offer advice to help, or we have walked similar paths and share what worked for us. We love to give advice and hate to receive it. What is the disconnect? How do we making offering advice advantageous to our relationships? Let’s learn to say the things in ways people accept and deepen relationships.

4 Types of Advice
Reasons to no longer give advice
4 Types of Social Support
Ways to offer advice

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Quotes & Resources:

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

― Henri Nouwen

“Oh Eddie…If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.” ~Clark Griswalk; Christmas Vacation

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3603495/

https://www.verywellmind.com/types-of-social-support-3144960

https://hbr.org/2015/01/the-art-of-giving-and-receiving-advice

https://reachingself.com/why-you-should-stop-giving-advice-what-to-do-instead-surprising-reason-why-you-should-give-advice/

https://www.verywellmind.com/types-of-social-support-3144960

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-advise-wisely-how-to-give-advice-that-actually-helps/

How often do you find yourself sharing intimate details with seemingly perfect strangers? Someone to Talk To by Mario Luis Small asks who we trust with our most personal information. Three reasons we may talk to strangers over those closest to us:

Closest relationships can be most complex
Seeking shared experience
We need to talk - now.

Why trusting strangers feels comfortable when we may need to wait:

Shared physical space
Get lost in sharing stories
Similarities feels like connection.

Episode quotes and links:

“Sometimes the best conversations between strangers allow the stranger to remain a stranger.” ~Malcolm Gladwell

“We can only expect real sympathy from real friends, not from mere acquaintances.” ~Adam Smith

“We rely on “strong” ties (our inner circle) for support and weak ties (our acquaintances) for information.” Mark Granovetter

“Friendship is the rainbow between two hearts, sharing seven colors, feeling love, sadness, happiness, truth, faith secrets, and respect.”

~unknown

@NicoleHagman_Writes on Instagram

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201505/3-reasons-we-tell-strangers-more-we-should

https://www.aol.com/news/harvard-sociologist-explains-why-confide-142101118.html

We are told ‘do not be afraid’. We know most fear is negative and over exaggerated. What can we learn about fear to honor it, assess it to have a healthy understanding and relationship with it? Understanding how fear works in our mind and body and strategies to have a healthy relationship with fear. Use fear to propel us into living not postpone our life.

Quotes from this episode:

“Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength.” ~Athena Singh

“The fears we don’t face become our limits” ~unknown

“If you’re not making someone else’s life better, then you’re wasting your time. Your life will become better by making other lives better.” ~Will Smith

“I learned courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” Nelson Mandela

“Fear: I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still - your suggestions will NEVER be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat and you’re allowed to have a voice but you are not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the roadmaps; you’re not allowed to suggest detours; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else my dear, old, familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

Want to connect during the week? Find me on Instagram @ NicoleHagman_Writes

Anger is an emotion we have all sensed, our expression of it differs. Do you erupt or stuff? How can anger be an ally.

“I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief.” ~unknown

“You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You?”

A Few Good Men

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-nasa-spen/

Anger is your ally - Juna Mustad https://www.ted.com/talks/juna_mustad_anger_is_your_ally_a_mindful_approach_to_anger

The Upside of Anger - Ryan Martin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfcQaXG_Qhs

Connect with me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Our face expresses emotions we are often reluctant to share. Scientific research is proving unprocessed emotions are the root of almost all physical illness. There are two type of thinking or processing; Internal or External. Determine your processing style, ways to communicate to loved ones your processing needs and ways to be proactive to process your emotions best way for you.

Find me on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

“A face is more honest than the mouth will ever be.” ~Daphne Orebaugh

6 Universal Emotions; Paul Ekman

“According to Prevention Magazine, It is estimated that 90% of all physical problems have psychological roots. That may sound like a gross exaggerations. In fact, it is probably a conservative estimate. A growing body of evidence indicates that virtually every ill that can befall the body — from acne to arthritis, headaches to heart disease, cold sores to cancer — is influenced, for better or worse, by our Emotions” ~Emrika Padus; Your Emotions and Your Health

“As I began to think over the years what life is, I don’t believe life is about feeling good, life is about feeling everything.”

Robert Leahy

“If you are resisting something you are feeding it. Any energy you are fighting, you are feeding. If you are pushing something away, you are inviting it to stay.”

Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

Resources:

Feelings Buried Alive Never Die… Karol K. Truman.

https://thepowerofwritingitdown.com

Allison Fallon - book about writing your story.

https://findyourvoice.com

Free writing prompts (again Ally Fallon)

https://news.berkeley.edu/2020/12/16/the-16-facial-expressions-most-common-to-emotional-situations-worldwide/

We communicate every day. Are we strengthening our relationships or hurting them? Learn:

4 Types of Communicators

Characteristics of Unhealthy Communication

Characteristics of Healthy Communication

We often don’t know what healthy is until we know what it isn’t.

Episode Quotes and Resources:

“A chain is as strong as the weakest link” ` unknown

“a thread usually breaks from where it is the thinnest” ~Basque Proverb

Nature is waking up, spring is here. What in your heart, mind, soul, spirit is awakening? Today I provide 9 ways to know you are waking up.

Episode quotes & resources:

‘The daily practice of letting go of who we thing we are supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect. ~Brené Brown

“Radical consistency comes from the focus on the process, not perfection.” ~Robyn Downs

https://chopra.com/articles/10-signs-of-spiritual-enlightenment-awakening

https://chopra.com/articles/10-signs-of-spiritual-enlightenment-awakening

Spring is often ‘everyone’s favorite season'. What can we learn from transforming from rest to new growth? Today’s episode we will discuss what spring offers and the stages of transformation.

Episode quotes and resources:

“If ever you were to admire the spring-blooming trees;

May you see much more than flowers and rustling green leaves.

May you start to see the history. Roots tied deep-in the dirt for trees do not blow from clouds, but from the ground, the root, the earth.”

~Morgan Harper Nichols

“Describe your perfect date? I’d have to say April 25. It’s not too hot, it’s not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” Miss Congeniality Movie

University of Michigan Study:

https://news.umich.edu/feeling-stressed-take-a-nature-pill-says-u-m-researcher/

Stories exist in every culture through all of time. What is your story? What is your comfort level with sharing your story? Listen as we find out why our stories are important, why we should share ours, and what stops us from sharing. Your story matters, reach out to me on Instagram (link below) if you want help or want to share your story with me.

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

What She Wishes You Knew Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-she-wishes-you-knew-podcast/id1478801899

Link to commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-orjHsgxDQ

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Winston Churchill

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” ~Anne Lamott

Episode Quotes:

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” ~ Oscar Wilde

“There are two types of relationships, imperfect and toxic.”

~my wise brother

“We are often told to love people unconditionally, but sometimes we need to get rid of people unconditionally.” ~unknown

“You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run.” The Gambler by Kenny Rogers

“Today I craved intimacy

So, I sat down with myself

And listened intently,

With fondness,

To my heart.”

Paper Heart by Boomie Bol

“I fell in love

with the way

I was quiet

and how I was all alone

because during that time

my intuitions voice became louder

and I was able to call myself home.

Black Sheep by Wattney Lander

Episode Resources:

The Self-Love Experiment by Shannon Kaiser

Instagram Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

https://www.instagram.com/boomiebol/

https://www.instagram.com/wattneypoetry/

It’s the time of year we make time to celebrate love. We freely speak of all the things we love, it is really love? Are we being clear with the people in our life what we mean when we say we “love” something or someone?

Random References:

https://www.fluentin3months.com/words-for-love/

“Looking for love in all the wrong places, no fine girls just ugly faces.” Young MC

Night at the Roxbury, Saturday Night Live skit with Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan to the song “What is Love” by Haddaway

Song Titles about Love

Love Hurts

Love Bites

Love Lies

Love is a Battlefield

Cant Buy Me Love

Can’t Help Falling In Love

Addicted to Love

You Give Love a Bad Name

Here are some minor contradictions between song titles:

Foreigner begging, “I Want To Know What Love Is”

The Partridge family boldly proclaimed “I Think I Love You”

And Roxette cleared it all up with “It Must Have Been Love”

Now That We Found Love

Where Is the Love

Lost in Love

Love will Lead You Back

If You Love Somebody Set Them Free

Hold Onto Love

Show Me Your Love

You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away

All Out of Love

Making Love Out of Nothing At All

Will You Love Me Tomorrow

Friday I’m in Love

All You Need Is Love

Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough

I Just Called To Say I Love You

Bye Bye Love

No More I Love You’s

Say You Love Me

I Love Loving You

I Hate that I Love You

I’d Do Anything for Love, but I won’t Do That

Definitions for Love taken from Merriam-Webster Dictionary

We live in a culture of hustle and accomplish, the way we can do all the things is to multitask. What is multitasking? What is the harm in doing multiple things at once, and what is the alternative?

Connect with me during the week on Instagram: @NicoleHagman_Writes

Episode Resources:

“What looks like multitasking is really switching back and forth between multiple tasks, which reduces productivity and increases mistakes by up to 50%.” – Susan Cain

Dr. Bryant Adibe, Chief Wellness Officer at Rush University System for Health. “mono tasking is a deep mindset and causes you to reexamine your relationship to time, your most precious and fundamental asset. At the end of our lives, no one will remember how quickly we responded to emails; and no one on their deathbed asks for more time to sit through another budget meeting. Instead, we look for more time to do and experience the things that give us meaning and a sense of purpose. That is at the core of mono-tasking, it is about rethinking the way we work so we can more meaningfully engage with our environment.”

Neal Stephenson, an author, explains this concept by saying “If I organize my life in such a way that I get lots of long, consecutive, uninterrupted time-chunks, I can write novels. If I allow for interruptions, what replaces it? Instead of a novel that will be around for a long time,,, there is a bunch of email messages that I have sent out to individual persons.”

“Think of many things; do one.” – Portuguese Proverb

Do you have people in your life that approach tasks, work, chores completely different from you? Some people seem to get lost in the process, process people and others are happy when the task is complete, end-result people . Which one are you? What’s the difference? What are some pros and cons of both?

Connect with me during the week on Instagram @NicoleHagman_Writes

Ever start the day full of yes, hope, activities, dreams and creativity and then barely make it though the day not accomplishing a fraction of what you hoped? Are you a victim of decision fatigue and don’t even know it’s existence? This episode discusses decision fatigue, how to recognize it, and ways to overcome it.

Parole Story based on William Palmer in California.

Resources mentioned in episode:

Greg McKeown; Essentialism

Cultivate What Matters: Powersheets

Danielle LaPorte: Desire Map

James Clear: Atomic Habits

Podcast on Decision Making: The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman

How do we see ourselves, do we know the adjectives we use to describe ourselves or do they change with our mood? Self-concept matters. We discuss three aspects of self-concept, how the way we see ourselves is influenced and some ways to determine yours if it’s been a while since you’ve thought about who you are.

Quotes:

“Each of us, whether we realize it or not, has a self-image. We see ourselves in some way - smart, slow, kindly, well-intentioned, lazy, misunderstood, meticulous or shrewd; we can pick adjectives that describe ourselves. This is the “I” behind the face in the mirror, the “I” that thinks, dreams, talks, feels and believes, the “I” that no one knows fully.”

“Photographers often slip a reddish filter over the lens when snapping pictures of clouds on black and white film. The filter prevents some of the light rays from reaching the film so the final picture shows much darker skies and more sharply whitened clouds. The self-concept is like a filter that screen out what we do not want to hear and see, passes through what we do want to see and hear. In the reverse direction, it gives an idiosyncratic flavor to our behavior. Don’t we usually pick our name out of a jumble of words on a page? Or hear our name announced at an airport amidst all the other announcements we fail to hear? This is called selective listening, and it is a function of our self-concept. Thus how we see ourselves determines generally what we react to, what we perceive, and in broad terms how we behave in general.”

Paul Brouwer, The Magazine November 1964

“There is nothing worse than the clear image of a blurry concept.” Ansel Adams.

“The best way to change yourself is to know yourself. So dive in deep through the swamp and clear waters and say hello to the person you’ve been hiding all along.” ~Wattney

Resources:

Carl Rogers: Three aspects of self concept:

Michael Argyle 4 factors that influence self-esteem:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/self-concept.html

Bruce Bracken - Six Domains of Self-concept:

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-concept-2795865

Tests and Assessments:

https://positivepsychology.com/self-concept-questionnaires-activities/

2021 as arrived. 2020 gave us a lot, was scarcity mindset one of the take-aways? Let’s dare to dream of what more looks like, find space and time for living and loving a life we want. Shift from scarcity to abundance.

Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes:

“We become what we think about all day long.”

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”

“Write it on your heart

that every day is the best day in the year.

He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day

who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it.

You have done what you could.

Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.

Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;

begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit

to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear,

with its hopes and invitations,

to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Collected Poems and Translations

“Don’t keep me alive to keep me from living.” Lou Holtz

“Some poor, phoneless fool is probably sitting next to a waterfall somewhere totally unaware of how angry and scared he’s supposed to be.” Duncan Trussell

5 signs you have a scarcity mindset:

https://www.powerofpositivity.com/5-signs-you-have-a-scarcity-mindset//

@JonAcuff post of Duncan Trussell quote https://www.instagram.com/p/CITmr7YsRhy/

Shirt from good hYOUman

“Silence is a virtue”. What does that mean? Silence feels like tortue, what is the value? Listen and explore some of the benefits silence has for our brain and stress levels.

The Weaver and the Loom.

Go In and In: Poems From the Heart of Yoga by Danna Faulds

Brain, Structure and Function - 2013 significance of silence on mice.

Marianne Williamson says “When we answer the call of our own heart, we help awaken the heart of the world.”

Dr. Fiona Kerr, Founder and CEO of NeuroTech Institute in Adelaide, Australia

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet, and the only thing left is your own heart. So you better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you will never understand what it’s saying.”

Sarah Dressen “Just Listen”

Urgent things shout, important things whisper. Listen to the whispers. ~Ken Groen

2020 has highlighted the need to celebrate and be intentional with acknowledging accomplishing milestones big and small. Some celebrate the small things with ease, others dive into holidays with festive hearts. Where do you fall? Who in your life lives and celebrates with ease?

Quotes:

“When we give ourself treats, we feel energized and cared for; and contented, which boosts our self-command - and self-command helps us maintain healthy habits.”

~Gretchen Rubin Better than Before

“We’ve got to stop and celebrate one another and our victories, no matter how small. Yes, there’s more work to be done, and things could go sideways in an hour, but that will never take away from the fact we needs to celebrate an accomplishment right now.”

~Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

We are nearing the first day of winter, a season that's fairly polarizing. What is the purpose of winter, what can we learn from nature? If you practice yoga, what is the purpose of savasana? How do we feel about rest and restoration, not for others and not sometimes; but for ourselves, regularly. Join me as we discuss the purpose of rest and surrender in our lives, do we really understand it?

“He that can take rest is greater than he that can take cities.” Benjamin Franklin

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is time for home.” Edith Sitwell

“The light of winter is the poetry of patience.” ~unknown

“Winter is a season of recovery and preparation.” Paul Theroux

“Sometimes nature appears in whites so we can color it with our dreams.” ~Angela Rexario

“If I lay here, if I just lay here. Will you lie with me and just forget the world?” ~Snow Patrol

“Surrendering doesn’t mean you’re weak. Surrendering means you are wise for accepting what is and strong enough to trust what will be. “ ~Wattney

@Wattneypoetry on IG

https://www.amazon.com/Black-Sheep-Wattney-Lander/dp/1687569908/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=wattney&qid=1608214624&sr=8-1

“Savasana is the absence of all patterns - neurological, emotional and physical. It is the ultimate release of the known and unknown world, where awareness is all that is left, without the illusion of the separation of the seer. The world as a whole appears without the subject of ‘I’” ~Rodney Yee

“Your definition of desirable and undesirable as well as good and bad, all come about because you have defined how things need to be in order for you to be okay.

The part of you inside that’s not okay with itself can’t face the natural unfolding of life because it’s not under your control.

Decide not to fight with life. Realize and accept life is not under my control. Life is continually changing and if I try to control it, I’ll never be able to fully live it.”

“The Untethered Soul” by Michael A Singer.

Black Sheep

Life is full of opportunity to withdraw or engage. Are your responses intentional or reflexive on the effort you put into your commitments and relationships? Learn to be curious on what makes us want to disengage in life, activities, responsibilities and relationships.

“The pose begins when you want to get out of it.” ~Baron Baptiste

Carol Dweck: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

“Steve (her husband) said, ‘I don’t know. I really don’t. All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and what should be or could be.’ His answer felt like truth to me, Not an easy truth, but truth.”

~Brene Brown, Rising Strong

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

Self-compassion, showing kindness to oneself. How are we doing with this? My inner critic has quieted, but there’s little kindness and I watch the lack of softness for myself play out in front of me. Today, we discuss self-compassion and ways to add it to our day.

Research based off

Dr. Kristin Neff -

self-compassion.org

https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/

https://self-compassion.org/tips-for-practice/

“Children have never been good at listening to their elders, but the have never failed to imitate them.”

~James Baldwin

What’s one way you can start implementing self-compassion into your daily routine?

There are so many benefits to gratitude. Today we discuss research from Robert Emmons about myths of gratitude. The benefit of developing a practice of gratitude and 8 ways to be more grateful.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/Robert_Emmons

Intro story is a Chinese Proverb alerting us to be cautious labeling events blessing or a curse. What seems like a blessing may be a curse. What seems like a blessing may be a curse.

Contact me: nicolehagmanwrites@gmail.com

Song :

Ants Marching - Dave Matthews

Quotes:

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” Tony Robbins

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule but to schedule your priorities.” ― Stephen Covey

“Successful people are simply those with successful habits.” Brian Tracy

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.”

—Samuel Johnson

“Focus on being productive instead of being busy” ~Tim Ferriss

“Either you run the day, or the day runs you.” Jim Rohn

“Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year – and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade” ― Tony Robbins

“It’s not enough to just hope for a happy and healthy life; it’s a combination of mindset, routines and habits working together that will get you there.” Robyn Downs

Recommended Reads:

Atomic Habits- www.jamesclear.com

Indistractable - https://www.nirandfar.com

Fear keeps us from sharing our truth. Learn three areas of life to share our emotions. Practice mindfulness and emotional intelligence to share our feelings.

Emotional word list for adults and kids:

https://tomdrummond.com/app/uploads/2019/11/Emotion-Feelings.pdf

https://hope4hurtingkids.com/emotions/understanding-emotions/emotions-chart/?subscribe=error#blog_subscription-2

Indigo Girls, Closer To Fine

https://youtu.be/HUgwM1Ky228

Emotional intelligence is the ability to connect easily with emotions and make informed decisions to build a meaningful life. Learn 5 components of EQ and 7 characteristics of emotionally intelligent adults.

https://www.6seconds.org/2017/05/15/emotion-feeling-mood/

http://www.danielgoleman.info/purchase/

O.A.R. Shattered https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa5Mawz92xU

Everyone is busy, let’s call it what it is. Join in and learn tips to be intentional with our time to eliminate revenge bedtime procrastination.

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

Dog tastebuds - akc.org

Mary Carver - https://marycarver.com

Bedtime procrastination study https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00611/full

A week in Colorado initiated curiosity of how crows can teach us about intentional communication. What are three types of communication to focus on to communicate clearly to lessen arguments?

Men are Like Waffles -- Women are Like Spaghetti (Bill & Pam Farrel)

“People who can’t communication think everything is an argument.” ~unknown

Quoted lyrics from Vanilla Ice and Snoop Dogg

Answer three question to be confident and intentional requesting help. Simple ways to offer your best help.

References:

Helen Keller said “alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.”

Definitions from M-w.com

Pretty Woman The Movie

Help! The Beatles

Who do we let see ‘beneath our beautiful’? Look at the masks we wear, when did we first put them on. Learn to set them aside for authentic relationships and accept our vulnerability is our superpower.

Labrynth - Beneath Your Beautiful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqIxCtEveG8

Brene Brown Daring Greatly: https://brenebrown.com

Excerpt from Chapter 2: Debunking Vulnerability Myths

Myth #1: Vulnerability is Weakness

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way our of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people don’t just happen. Elisabeth Kueber Ross

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known.” ~Unknown

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. ‘Staying real’ is one of the most courageous battles we will ever fight.” EE Cummings

Not every day does a favorite dance song double as great advice for living. Who would have thought I would be using lyrics from Ice Ice Baby as inspiration for a podcast? One of the lyrics I say regularly and didn’t put in here is ‘quick to the point, to the point no fakin’, which I use as motivation when a story goes rogue. You are welcome for the bonus material.

http://www.vanillaice.com

http://www.queenonline.com

One of the things I thought would get easier with age: friendship. This episode is an introduction to friendship series. What are the kinds of information we share, the stages of friendship and how to move through the stages to develop meaningful friendships.

References:

Tyler Knott Gregson @tylerknott

Brené Brown @brenebrown

Want to connect with me on social media? Find me on IG @NicoleHagman_Writes

We are of nature, there are rhythms and cadences nature show us and we can learn as we become aware.

Learn to let go
Embrace the darkness
Conserve your energy
Be willing to fall
Embrace transitions

“Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.” Mandy Hale

“Don’t let go too soon, but don’t hang on too long.” Mitch Albom - Tuesdays with Morrie

Apologies can be difficult, can we make it easier? Join me as we uncover apology confusion and why some people ‘do it wrong. Learn the anatomy of an apology to say the things and mend relationships.

Creating space for words to be said, thoughts and emotions to be processed for ourselves and our friends takes minimal effort with many benefits. Listen in as we define holding space, discuss ways to hold space and a few examples of it playing out. Be aware of our actions and words, understand how you can easily help bring healing or hurt.

Shauna Niequist’s Bittersweet, introduced the foreign concept has now become a way of life. My “Things I Don’t Do List” has equal value to my “To Do List” and goals and dreams; all work together. Is choosing to walk away the same as quitting? Listen in, make intentional choices, say the things to make space in your life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHx4BlF6V2o Matt Nathanson: Come On Get Higher

https://www.5lovelanguages.com - 5 Love Languages

https://www.16personalities.com - Personality Test

http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ - Highly Sensitive

Enneagram - there are a lot of tests out there - I read a few books and descriptions and worked my way to my number.

https://howwelove.com/love-styles - How We Love

If you want to connect on social media, my favorite place to hang out is Instagram @NicoleHagman_Writes

A look at Forgiveness - what it is, what it isn't and how we choose to forgive.

Intentionally discover how to say the things to deepen relationships, further connectivity, and to be true to yourself.