The Communication Coach: Recent Episodes
The Communication Coach
For over a decade Nicky has been a Hostage & Crisis Negotiator dealing with people/families in crisis. She has also had the privilege of being the Course Director for the National Negotiation Course in the UK & travelled round the world teaching communication & negotiation. She has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development coaching & communication & in these podcasts she shares with you how the power of Hostage & Crisis Negotiation can be used in every day communication. Communication is at the heart of everything we do, in all our relationships from parents & their children, leaders, entrepreneurs, partners, families & friendships. When a relationship breaks down it is generally down to communication. Learn new skills to improve you life in these podcasts
You can spend decades thinking you are disorganised, too intense, too sensitive, or simply “not trying hard enough” and still look like you have it together. Then one ADHD assessment lands, and suddenly your whole timeline rearranges itself. I’m Nicky, and I’m joined by therapist Rachel Young for a candid, sometimes emotional conversation about being assessed for combined ADHD in midlife, and what it’s like to finally have language for patterns we’ve carried since childhood.
We dig into why the word “diagnosis” can feel uncomfortable, and why we prefer thinking about neurodiversity as a culture the world often fails to accommodate. We talk about masking, high achievement, and the exhausting gap between what people see and what’s happening underneath. If you’ve ever pushed harder and harder, only to crash the moment you stop, you’ll recognise the cycle. We also get practical about executive function and coping tools: time blindness, overplanning to compensate, missing things even with a colour-coded diary, and the very real shame that can follow.
You’ll hear how ADHD can show up differently in women, how childhood experiences shape adult self-talk, and why perimenopause and menopause can make old coping strategies stop working. We also touch on friendships, the pressure to “do relationships right”, and the relief of finding people who understand that silence does not equal lack of care. We end with the most important takeaway: shifting the inner voice from criticism to compassion, and building support that fits your brain.
If this resonates, share it with someone who needs kinder explanations for their life, then subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what part of ADHD do you wish people understood better?
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Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Your dog is not ignoring you, they are choosing what feels most meaningful in the moment. That one idea reshapes everything, from recall training to the way we speak to the people we love. We sit down with Sam (Sameaysam.com), a relationship-first dog professional who can walk dozens of dogs off leash, and we dig into what actually makes that possible when the forest is full of better distractions than us.
We talk about the hidden communication gap between owners and dogs and why “more training” can sometimes be more ego than help. Sam shares how moving to Quebec without the language forced him to become a sharper observer, then how that same observation shows up in dog behaviour, reactivity, and what people call aggression. The thread running through it all is conscious presence: paying attention to patterns, responding instead of reacting, and choosing connection when control is tempting.
The conversation gets personal too: gratitude, forgiveness, and how meditation (including a 10-day Vipassana) can reveal the mind’s looping stories so we can finally break them. We also cover practical life design, like changing your environment, choosing your circle, and using supportive tools like sound socialization resources. Sam also shares where to find free gifts and a community where you can ask questions beyond dogs.
If you want better dog behaviour, calmer walks, and stronger relationships at home, press play, then subscribe, share with a friend, and leave us a five-star review. What’s one pattern you want to change this week?
for more about Sam visit his website www.samaysam.com
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Someone tells you, “I can’t do this anymore,” and suddenly every sentence you’ve ever known disappears. That freeze is normal, but it’s also the moment where a few simple words and a steady presence can change the direction of a life.
We’re sharing what I’ve been teaching across the UK from my work in hostage and crisis negotiation, sparked by a question from GP practice managers after a young person threatened suicide in a surgery. We talk plainly about why you should not be afraid to say the word suicide, how direct questions can create a safer space, and what to keep in mind about risk, support, and your own safety. I also point to the wider ecosystem of good practice around crisis communication, including work aligned with Shout, the Samaritans, and Professor Liz Stokoe’s focus on how language shapes outcomes.
Then we break down a framework you can actually remember under stress: OARS from motivational interviewing. We cover Open questions that invite more than yes or no, the TED prompts (Tell me, Explain to me, Describe to me), Affirmations and validation that avoid cliché reassurance, Reflective listening that mirrors back what you see and hear, and Summaries that prevent misunderstandings. We also add one often-missed skill in suicide prevention and mental health support: silence, used with care, to communicate “I’m here” without trying to fix everything.
If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone who supports others, and leave a review so more people can find these suicide intervention and de-escalation skills when they need them most.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Your teenager used to want to do everything with you and now they would rather sleep, scroll, or stay in their room and somehow the summer holidays make that shift feel even louder. I talk honestly about the guilt, the internal questions, and the sheer exhaustion that can come with parenting teenagers when routines vanish and the push for independence ramps up.
We look at the summer from both sides: what is happening for us as parents and carers, and what may be happening for young people who feel bored, socially disconnected, or under pressure from school, exams, and expectations. I share what I learned from watching my own teen change over time, and why “getting them involved” can sometimes be more about our needs than theirs. We also explore what teens may actually need in this season: rest, a bit of routine, purpose, and space to grow.
Then I get practical with communication tools you can use today. I walk through “listen before you solve,” asking non-conflict questions like “Tell me more about that,” getting curious instead of reacting, and choosing your battles wisely. We also cover emotional regulation, the 90-second rule, walking away to prevent escalation, and using the power of “because” to explain boundaries around screen time and family expectations in a way that feels more logical and fair.
If you want a calmer, more connected summer with your teenager, hit play, share this with another parent who needs it, and subscribe so you do not miss the next tips. If it helps, please leave a review and tell me: what is the hardest part of summer holidays in your house?
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Teenagers can go from cuddles to closed doors so fast it feels personal, and that’s where many parent-teen conversations start to break down. We dig into what’s really happening during adolescent brain development, why emotions run hotter than logic, and why fitting in can suddenly matter more than our opinion. Along the way, I share the book that helped me make sense of it all, “Blame My Brain,” plus the hard-earned reminder that most of us are doing better than we think, even when it feels messy.
I also bring in skills from my background as a hostage and crisis negotiator, because the same foundations work at home: listening without fixing, being present, and using reflective language to show you understand their world before you push your agenda. We talk about how easily we attach meaning to teen pushback, disrespect, authority, “they’re doing this on purpose” and how that story can trigger a reaction that turns a small moment into a full-blown argument.
Then we get practical. You’ll hear a simple emotional regulation tool called the 90-second rule, how Batari’s box explains escalating conflict, and why “walking away” can be a parenting strategy rather than avoidance. We also cover calm follow-up conversations, setting boundaries that separate feelings from behaviour, and the question many parents forget to ask: what are you doing to look after you?
If you want more support, we mention upcoming community options like a positive parenting summit and a free webinar on surviving the summer holidays. Subscribe, share this with a parent who needs it, and leave a review or a comment with the one trigger you want to handle better next time.
To register for the free webinar click here
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
There are parts of this podcast where the sound dips a little, this is due to a poor signal whilst recording.
Holidays put relationships under a microscope. The same people you adore can become the people you clash with fastest, especially when you’re together 24-7, routines disappear, and everyone brings different needs into the same space. From a real family break with partners, mums, in-laws, pets, and all the logistics that come with them, we talk honestly about why tension shows up and how to stop it from stealing your rest.
We get practical with five tools for better communication on family holidays: noticing how you speak to the people you trust most, avoiding the trap of “competitive tiredness”, and using a surprisingly powerful habit from child psychology that works for adults too: 15 minutes of focused time where you simply listen and do what the other person wants. If you want fewer arguments and more connection, this is a low effort, high impact place to start.
We also go deeper on boundaries, compromise, and consequences. Before you jump into a difficult conversation, ask what you actually need, what outcome you want, and whether you need to say it right now. Then we introduce the “big pause button” to help you regulate emotion, take a breath, and choose a response rather than a reaction. If you’re searching for conflict resolution tips, emotional regulation strategies, and a healthier way to handle family dynamics on vacation, this one will meet you where you are.
If it helps, subscribe, share it with someone who’s heading into a family break, and leave a review so more people can find these tools.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
In this episode of Let's Talk About, I sit down with Tom Emery, founder of HEX Talent and Development, to explore authenticity, trust, emotional self-awareness, and the conversations many of us avoid.
Tom shares his personal journey of growing up queer, hiding parts of himself from the world, and the impact that authenticity has on our confidence, relationships, and leadership. Together, we discuss how understanding our genetics, adaptations, behaviours, and stress responses can help us navigate conflict more effectively and communicate with greater empathy.
We also explore why psychological safety matters, how trust becomes the foundation of high-performing teams, and why moving away from "right versus wrong" thinking can transform both personal and professional relationships.
During the conversation, Tom introduces his practical OI3C feedback framework:
• Observation
• Impact
• Curious
• Change
• Continue
A simple but powerful approach that makes feedback, boundaries, and difficult conversations feel safer and more productive.
In this episode we discuss:
• Growing up queer, hiding in the shadows, and the cost of not being yourself
• Understanding genetics, adaptations, behaviours, and the stress responses that drive silence and avoidance
• Finding joy, confidence, and fulfilment in senior leadership by taking ego less seriously
• Moving away from right and wrong thinking to protect relationships and psychological safety
• Building trust as the bedrock of effective teams and honest disagreement
• Using the OI3C framework to give feedback without judgement
• Having smaller conversations earlier to avoid the big "we need to talk" moment
• Setting boundaries with time contracts and ending conversations when staying longer cannot help
• Recognising triggers and pausing before replying, particularly in written communication
• Tom's book People People, the CHRO Impact Framework, and free resources available through HEX
Connect with Tom:
LinkedIn: Tom Emery | LinkedIn
HEX LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/hex-development/
Website: People Performance Consultancy | HEX Talent and Development
Instagram: @tomemeryhex
Free copy of People People:
Request a copy of People People by Tom Emery
If today's conversation has raised anything for you, please reach out to somebody you trust and talk about it.
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CourageousConversations #NickyPerfect #Communication #Leadership #PsychologicalSafety #DifficultConversations #Trust #Feedback #AuthenticLeadership #PeoplePeople #TomEmery #HEXDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #WorkplaceCulture #LeadershipDevelopment
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Your teenager didn’t wake up one morning and decide to become impossible. The shift can feel sudden, but there are real reasons behind the door-slamming, the sarcasm, the “that’s not fair”, and the long stretches of silence from their room. We bring a hostage and crisis negotiator’s lens to one of the most personal challenges there is: negotiating with teenagers while keeping your relationship intact.
We talk through what’s changing in the teen brain, why the prefrontal cortex being under construction affects decision-making and risk, and why social status with friends can outweigh any perfect argument you make at home. From there, we get practical. We break down the “red zone” and how to spot it in them and in us, why reacting usually makes everything worse, and how a simple pause can stop a small disagreement from becoming a blow-up. You’ll hear specific communication tools like reflecting back, labelling emotions without sounding patronising, and asking open questions that invite a real answer instead of a shutdown.
We also cover boundaries and curfews, screen time, and the non-negotiables that protect safety, plus why timing matters: boundaries land best in calm moments, not mid-conflict. And when things do go wrong, we explain repair conversations, apologising when we mess up, and how trust grows when we create a safe space for tough topics. One idea to hold onto: when your teenager wants to talk, drop what you can and be there, because that window might be brief.
Subscribe for more straight-talking tools on hard conversations, share this with a parent who feels alone, and leave a review so more families can find support.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Silence can feel polite, but it can also be lethal. We sit down with Heather Rose and talk about the subjects many families tiptoe around: bullying, suicide, miscarriage, and the messy reality of living with trauma while still needing to show up for the people you love.
Heather shares her personal story with a rare mix of honesty and practicality, from being bullied as a teen to surviving a suicide attempt, and from enduring repeated pregnancy loss to rebuilding her self-worth. We explore why simply saying the word “suicide” matters, why the question “Are you OK?” can open a life-saving door, and how creating a safe space to talk reduces shame instead of “putting ideas in someone’s head.” If you care about mental health, suicide prevention, PTSD, or supporting teenagers through tough emotions, you’ll find grounded insight here.
We also dig into parenting and advocacy for neurodivergent young people. Heather explains the long fight to secure ADHD and autism support for her son Isaac, what happened when schools misunderstood his needs, and the practical tools that helped him regulate emotions and regain confidence: mindfulness, affirmations, and journaling. That journey led to resources for other families and to Heather’s podcast, The Truth After Baby Loss, where she opens up conversations about grief, identity, partner dynamics, and the lack of support many people face after miscarriage.
You can find out more about Heather at www.heatherrose.uk
If this resonates, share the episode with someone who needs a safer way to start a hard conversation, and please subscribe and leave a review so more listeners can find it.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Grief is not one feeling, it is a total rewrite of your life, your body, and your relationships. We’re joined by Clare, someone who has lived through multiple devastating losses, including the sudden death of her mum from rare gallbladder cancer and the death of her seven-year-old daughter Annaliese after sepsis was not picked up in time. Clare speaks with honesty about shock, anger, brain fog that feels like injury, and the brutal “what could I have done differently?” loop that often returns around anniversaries.
We also talk about what happens inside a partnership when two people grieve in completely different ways. Clare and Matt’s story is a grounded look at marriage after bereavement: learning acceptance, dropping expectations, and finding other safe people when your partner cannot “hold” you in the way you hoped. Clare explains what it means to live alongside grief, how memory can feel warming as well as crushing, and why saying a loved one’s name matters more than most people realise.
If you’ve ever searched for grief support, help for bereaved parents, or how to support someone after a death, you’ll come away with practical ideas that actually land: specific check-ins, small gestures, showing up consistently, and making space for the hard days. Clare also shares the community she’s found through The Compassionate Friends and her book “And Always Annaliese,” written for both bereaved parents and the people trying to care for them.
Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more listeners can find these conversations, and tell us in the comments: what kind of support helped you most when grief hit?
You can visit Clare's website - www.andalwaysannaliese.com and you can find Compassionate Friends here - https://www.tcf.org.uk
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
The fastest way to ruin a difficult conversation is to believe you can control the other person. We talk through what actually happens in the mind and body when stress hits, and why grief, loss, change, and fear can flip us from logical thinking into a reactive emotional state in seconds.
Drawing on experience as a hostage and crisis negotiator, we share three practical lessons that show up everywhere: crisis is part of life and often comes with real or perceived loss; loneliness can creep in even when you are not alone, especially in parenting and leadership; and everyone carries a deeper story under the “safe” small talk. Once you see those dynamics, conflict feels less personal and more predictable, which makes it easier to handle with care.
We also unpack a tool you can use immediately for emotional regulation and conflict management: noticing your physical trigger signs, then applying the 90-second rule to create space between stimulus and response. Sometimes the smartest move is a clean pause, a walk away, or a simple “I’m going to put the kettle on” break so you can come back with your best self, not your most defensive self.
If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone who is navigating a hard conversation, and leave a review so more people can find these practical crisis communication skills. What physical sign tells you you’re about to react?
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
One morning can split your life in two. Todd joined me to tell the story he carried for years: finding his girlfriend Karen after she died by suicide on New Year’s Day, and the shock that followed him into everything that came next. What he shares is confronting at times, but it’s also deeply human and, for many listeners, reassuring in the most unexpected way: the feelings you’re struggling to name often have a reason.
We talk about how grief and trauma can push you toward avoidance that looks like “coping” from the outside. Todd walks us through the months after the loss, the drinking that crept earlier into the day, and the high-risk choices that made him feel less, even as they made his world more dangerous. When he moved into undercover police work, the new identity offered escape and adrenaline, but it also delayed the pain and reinforced a fight-first mindset that’s hard to switch off. If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem fine for years and then suddenly unravel, this conversation lays out that slow build with brutal clarity.
Then we turn toward recovery and first responder mental health in practical terms: leaving shift work, getting sleep and nutrition back to basics, and learning through a sleep specialist that a brain can stay in fight-or-flight all night even with “good” hours in bed. We also dig into why telling the truth and writing his book helped Todd and why it created a safe space for others to finally speak. If any part of this resonates, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more conversations like this, and leave a review so more people can find the support they’ve been missing.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
The most painful part of grief can be what happens after the condolences stop. When everyone returns to their routines, the person who lost someone is left with the quiet, the calendar, and the dates that suddenly feel impossible.
I’m joined by Kelly Edmondson, a trauma ICU nurse from Ohio who spent decades caring for people in crisis, until she became the one who needed care. After her son Darius, who lived with epilepsy, died unexpectedly in his sleep, Kelly saw how loud the silence can be in the weeks and months after the funeral. She explains why people avoid grief conversations, why “I don’t want to remind them” is a myth, and how a simple message can carry real weight: “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
We also dig into practical grief support that actually helps, especially around anniversaries of death, birthdays, Mother’s Day and the holidays. Kelly shares how Timely Presence delivers personalized memorial gifts on the days research shows are most difficult, and why light-filled items like sun catchers and candles can help someone feel seen without trying to fix the unfixable. For anyone navigating bereavement, we talk about the physiological impact of loss and concrete steps like sleep, small high-protein meals, fresh air, sunlight and new rituals that gently reframe triggering dates.
If you know someone who’s grieving, or you’re trying to find your way forward after loss, listen, share it with a friend, and subscribe so you don’t miss the next conversation. If it resonates, please leave a review and tell us what supportive phrase you wish you’d heard most.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Grief can make you feel like the world should stop, yet everything keeps moving and you’re left trying to keep up. I’m on my own for this one, speaking as a former hostage and crisis negotiator who’s heard hundreds of stories from people in crisis and as a human being who has also had to carry loss. I share three hard lessons that shaped my work and my life: we will all face crisis at some stage, many crises centre on loss, and loneliness can quietly become one of the biggest threats to our wellbeing.
I talk through my own experiences of bereavement, including losing my friend Jane to cancer and the shock of grieving someone who should have had decades ahead of her. Then I open up about losing my dad in November 2022 and the unexpected part that followed: searching for his “essence” in places I thought I’d feel him, and the relief when I finally did. Alongside the emotion, I touch on the practical realities of death, from probate to navigating online systems while you’re still in shock.
To make sense of how grief can swing and surprise you, I walk through the Kubler-Ross grief cycle and why it helped me name what was happening, even when it didn’t show up in a neat order. We also get practical about communication skills for grief and bereavement: how to open up the conversation, why saying their name matters, and why listening without fixing is often the kindest support you can offer.
If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who might need it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. What’s one thing you wish others understood about your grief?
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Every suicide callout Claire attended as a police officer was male and that pattern haunted her long after the blue lights switched off. Claire Dunn joined Essex Police at 20, spent 18 years responding to crisis, and was medically retired with PTSD in 2016. She retrained, stepped into the NHS, and quickly hit a new shock: in school-based mental health services, boys were barely being referred, even though boys and girls struggle at similar rates. If boys aren’t coming through the door, what happens before they reach crisis point?
We dig into the turning points that pushed Claire from awareness into action, including two suicides close to home in 2023 and the wider reality that suicide is a leading cause of death for men under 50. Claire shares what she learned from co-producing solutions with boys aged 12 to 15, what they said about stigma, masculinity, peer pressure, and the fear of being seen, plus why privacy in schools matters more than most adults realise. We also talk about how distress can show up as anger and “challenging behaviour”, and why educators and services need to read those signals differently if we want earlier support and better outcomes.
You’ll hear the practical side too: mental health literacy, simple language, discreet self-referral routes like QR codes, and clearer pathways so boys can access early intervention before they escalate into self-harm or suicidal ideation and miss preventive thresholds. Claire also explains her current doctorate work using participatory action research to develop gender-informed interventions for adolescent boys across UK schools.
If you care about boys’ mental health, suicide prevention, school wellbeing, or how to have difficult conversations before it’s too late, hit subscribe, share this with a teacher or parent, and leave a review with the one change you want schools to make.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Suicide is still taking too many men, and the scariest part is how often it happens in silence. I sit down with Aldo Kane, former Royal Marines commando and one of the world’s go-to safety and expedition leads for extreme TV and film, to talk about what he’s learned from decades in high-risk, high-consequence environments and from losing close friends to suicide.
We dig into why men can struggle to communicate pain, how “unwritten rules” about being a man can turn stress into isolation, and why psychological safety changes everything. Aldo shares a grounded framework for resilience that isn’t motivational fluff: sleep, movement, nutrition, daylight, and social connection. He also explains why resilience is not fixed, how doing hard things builds real coping capacity, and why a simple walk side-by-side can unlock conversations that never happen face-to-face.
We also go deeper on identity and values, especially the crash that can come after leaving the military or any role that once gave you purpose. Aldo breaks down the Royal Marines commando spirit values and how they still guide him through change, grief, and uncertainty. Finally, we talk about asking for help early, including Aldo’s decision to seek therapy proactively after Iraq, and what he’s doing to raise two young boys who can name emotions and talk openly.
If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone you care about, and leave a review so more people searching for men’s mental health and suicide prevention can find it. What’s one small “walk and talk” check-in you could do this week?
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
This episode is part of Podcasthon 2026, a global podcast movement highlighting the work of charities around the world. For this special release on Friday 20 March, we are proud to support SHOUT, the UK’s free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging service for anyone struggling to cope.
Grief can make the world feel smaller, quieter, and strangely far away from who we used to be.
In this deeply honest conversation, John Kammer joins Nicky Perfect to share how repeated loss shattered his illusion of invincibility and pushed him into years of numbing inside the relentless pace of the hospitality industry. Sobriety eventually opened the door to something different — an active, deliberate approach to healing.
The conversation moves from raw guilt and unspoken words to an unexpected bridge: building an ethical, text-based AI designed to help people express what feels stuck when the room is dark and the heart is loud.
Together we explore why the familiar “stages of grief” often miss the mark, and instead focus on Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning:
• accepting the loss
• processing the pain
• adjusting to life without the person physically present
• creating an enduring connection that allows us to move forward without erasing love.
John explains how structured prompts can help organise scattered thoughts, make therapy sessions more effective, and turn late-night spirals into clear reflections you can take to a professional.
We also step into difficult territory — men and vulnerability, the way strength is often confused with silence, and why caring for others starts with acknowledging what we ourselves are afraid to feel.
From psychodrama tools such as letter writing and the empty chair, to the thoughtful design choices behind his AI project, the conversation stays grounded in dignity. No voices. No avatars. No pretending anyone comes back. Just language that gives shape to the presence we already carry.
If you’ve ever wanted a simple way to support someone who is grieving, borrow this question:
“Tell me about them.”
Stories unlock connection.
Stories keep memory alive.
As part of Podcasthon, this episode also shines a light on SHOUT, whose volunteers support people across the UK through text conversations during moments of crisis. Their work reminds us how powerful a few words — and a listening presence — can be.
🎧 Listen now.
💬 Share with someone who may need it.
⭐ Leave a review to help more people find these conversations.
And remember — sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer someone is simply the space to speak.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
A quiet smile can hide a collapsing world. Michele D’Souza joins us to share the story of her brother Nick and the hard truth many of us avoid: suicidal distress often looks like recovery on the surface. We walk through the uncertainty that followed his death, the relentless guilt of being the last to see him alive, and how a decade of grief reshaped Michele’s life and work.
From there, we shift into what actually helps. Michele breaks down trauma-informed leadership with practical clarity: recognize dysregulation, build psychological safety, and respond with empathy rather than pressure. We talk about the frontline—police, nurses, paramedics, social care—where exposure to trauma is routine and burnout is accelerating. You’ll hear why “call the helpline” isn’t enough when someone’s nervous system is overloaded, and how simple, human actions like debriefs, warm handoffs, and small one percent interventions can move a person from freeze to fight.
We also tackle the silent crisis in construction, where macho norms and unforgiving timelines collide with grief, addiction, and isolation. Michele explains why mental health first aid should be as common as fire safety, how to spot meaningful shifts in behaviour, and why a bowl of fruit isn’t a wellness strategy. Her mission, through Puzzle Peace Coaching, is simple and profound: teach people to listen, to sit with discomfort, and to act in small, specific ways that create real safety.
If you’ve lost someone to suicide, worry about a colleague, or lead a team under pressure, this conversation offers tools you can use today. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find these insights. Your one percent might save a life.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
A hard truth unlocked everything for us: the second time you ask “Are you really okay?” is when the real answer shows up. Susie shares how she moved from being sectioned as a teenager to building a life she once thought was out of reach—work promotion, supportive love, and plans for a youth‑focused suicide prevention project.
Together we break down practical tools for supporting someone in crisis: ask twice, speak plainly about suicide, and be ready for an honest “yes” without recoiling. You’ll hear why direct language does not plant the idea, how to respond in the moment, and what to avoid when your own fear tries to take the mic.
We also draw a clear line between self‑harm and suicidal intent, cutting through common myths that can add panic and shame. Susie explains how readiness shapes recovery more than any single therapy, and why patience and presence matter more than pushing. Her strategy for resilience is deceptively simple: isolate bad moments so they don’t devour the day, notice small wins, and choose the next doable step. From the “ask twice” approach to reflective language that keeps the focus on the person in pain, the conversation turns evidence and lived experience into practical, compassionate action.
Looking ahead, Susie sketches a stigma‑free space for young people that blends training, peer support, and open conversation about suicide. The aim isn’t to make impossible promises; it’s to make the hardest talk feel speakable. If you want concrete guidance on what to say, what not to say, and how to stand steady beside someone you love, this is for you. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find the skills—and the hope—to get through their darkest moments.
To get in touch with Susie , send her a message on Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/suzie.simkins.3
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
🎥 Watch on YouTube
A gentle hello can change the course of a life. That’s the heart of our conversation with therapist Rachel Young, who shares how simple, human connection can interrupt a suicidal spiral without perfect words or clinical expertise. We walk through what real pain often looks like from the inside, why people describe themselves as a burden, and how a sudden “lightness” can appear after someone decides to die. Understanding these signals helps us respond with clarity, compassion, and courage.
We get practical fast. Rachel offers short, direct phrases that open doors: Are you thinking about suicide? What are your plans right now? Tell me about that. We talk about reflective listening, allowing silence, and mirroring someone’s words so they feel heard rather than fixed. You’ll learn why asking about suicide doesn’t plant ideas, how presence reduces isolation, and how everyday gestures—sitting beside someone, making tea, saying hello on the street—can create the small moments of light that keep a person here.
Parents and carers of teens will find a focused section on adolescent risk. We cover how a developing brain affects impulse control and foresight, what behaviour changes to look for, and why early check-ins matter. We also outline a practical safety plan you can build together: triggers, coping steps, supportive contacts, and one reason to stay. Plus, Rachel shares how to reach her directly for therapy and guidance.
If this topic touches your world, this conversation gives you words, posture, and a plan. Subscribe for more thoughtful guides to tough conversations, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others find these tools. Your presence can be the difference—start with hello.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
🎥 Watch on YouTube
A football terrace nickname, TV attention, and nights out might look like belonging—but Lee’s story reveals what happens when external validation drowns out a silent, aching inside. From childhood loneliness to alcohol dependence, from extreme weight loss to a mental civil war, he takes us through the moments that pushed him to the edge—and the brutal aftermath that followed when he survived a suicide attempt. The turning point wasn’t a slogan; it was his mum’s face at the end of the ICU bed and the decision to build a life worth staying for.
We walk through the hard parts with clarity: shame, self-pity, and the lies addiction tells. Then we get practical. Lee shares the communication tools that changed everything: mind your tone to lower defenses, use names to make care personal, and ask the deceptively simple question, “If you did know, what would it be?” We explore how Andy’s Man Club gave him safe space and why Monday-to-Monday support leaves dangerous gaps. That insight sparked the Modern Men Movement—peer-led support, quick resources, wellness assessments, and fast paths to counseling—to help men move from crisis to connection.
You’ll hear how to spot warning signs without shaming, how to invite conversation without pressure, and how small, consistent check-ins beat grand gestures. We talk hope without pretending it’s easy: vigilance over complacency, listening over lecturing, and swapping external applause for internal care. If you or a loved one feels stuck, this conversation offers real tools, real stories, and a real way forward. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review telling us which tool you’ll try first. Your words might be the bridge someone else needs.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
A quiet shift in someone’s routine can be the loudest alarm. We sit down with retired detective and crisis negotiator Nicky Hurdley to unpack how frontline negotiation skills translate into everyday conversations when a friend, teen, colleague, or partner might be suicidal. Instead of scripts or clichés, we focus on the human core: notice subtle changes, echo the exact words you hear, validate feelings without rushing to fix, and give time in low-pressure spaces like side-by-side walks.
Nicky Hurdley shares practical ways to spot “throwaway” lines—those casual phrases that carry heavy meaning—and how to circle back without judgment. We explore why pep talks can backfire and how validation creates immediate relief. We dive into the Kubler Ross grief model as a living map for crisis: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Emotions don’t follow a neat order, and they loop; understanding that helps you avoid solving the wrong problem. You’ll learn how to slow a heated moment, use silence as a tool, and ask calm, direct safety questions that don’t “put ideas” in anyone’s head.
We also get tactical: how to create time when life is busy, why side-by-side conversations are less threatening than face-to-face, and how to co-create small next steps—from booking a GP to texting a trusted friend—without taking control away. Above all, we anchor on two principles that change outcomes: kindness and respect. They signal dignity, reduce loneliness, and make it easier for someone to tell the truth.
If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs practical language, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway. Your words might be the reason another listener finds the courage to start a lifesaving talk.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
— a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
What would you say if someone you love hinted they might not want to stay? We sit down with Sue Williams—former head of the Hostage and Kidnap Units at Scotland Yard—who brings 35 years of crisis negotiation to a question many of us fear: how do you talk about suicide with care, courage, and clarity?
Sue breaks down the essentials with a precision that feels human, not clinical. We explore how to prepare when time allows, from choosing a calm setting to mapping likely replies and gathering support contacts before you need them. You’ll learn the do’s—gentle I statements, open questions, reflective listening—and the vital don’ts that shatter trust, like minimising pain, rushing to fix, or saying I know how you feel. We unpack why meaning lives in how words are received, not what we intend, and how tone, pace, and authenticity can steady a conversation at the edge.
The heart of the episode is a vivid rooftop story at dawn: a man ready to jump, a negotiator keeping distance and focus, and a sunrise over London’s rooftops that opens a quiet doorway back to safety. It’s a reminder that presence often matters more than perfect phrasing, and that empathy—used to build real emotional connection—can shift someone from despair toward the next small step. We talk about scanning for triggers, reinforcing positive anchors, validating their reality without judgment, and treating trust like glass: once cracked, never quite the same.
If you’ve been looking for practical language, confidence to ask direct questions, and a way to be there without trying to fix everything, this conversation offers tools you can use today. Subscribe, share with someone who might need it, and leave a review telling us which insight you’ll keep at the ready for when it matters most.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
— a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
🎥 Watch on YouTube
In this episode, Nicky speaks with Danny Kett, a former police negotiator with 30 years of experience, 18 of those in hostage and crisis negotiation. Danny shares what crisis work taught him about conversations that matter most — especially when suicide is a concern.
They discuss myths that hold people back, including the fear that mentioning suicide puts the idea in someone’s head, and show how direct, honest language can actually open doors. Danny shares a powerful personal story of supporting a family member in crisis through text messages, explaining how matching pace and energy can keep connection alive.
Together, they explore how to create safe spaces, adapt to different communication styles (including neurodiversity), and use everyday negotiation skills to have the hardest conversations. Danny also shares insights from his new venture, which applies behavioural science to organisational challenges.
This conversation isn’t therapy or training — it’s practical lessons from experience. Honest, human tools you can use today to support the people you care about.
If you have been affected by anything in this podcast here are the numbers for you to contact.
📞 Samaritans — Call 116 123 any time, day or night.
📱 Shout — Text 85258 for free, confidential support in the UK.
📞 PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK — Call 0800 068 4141 if you’re under 35 and struggling, or worried about someone who is.
💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
— a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
🎥 Watch on YouTube
When Help Feels Like Pressure: One Voice, Safe Space, and Conversations That Save Lives
Host Nicky talks with former police officer and negotiator Damian about what really helps when someone is in crisis. They unpack the reality of suicide in the UK, why crowds and escalating responses can increase pressure, and how one trusted voice in a safe space can change a decision. This episode offers practical, compassionate steps for parents and carers—what to notice, how to open the conversation, and how to choose the right person to lead it. Clear, human guidance, not therapy or training—just experience you can use today.
Key takeaways Suicide is under-discussed and under-resourced. In 2023, 7,055 people died by suicide in the UK—far more than homicides or road deaths. * Saying “suicide” does not plant the idea. Asking directly can bring relief and honesty. * Crowds increase pressure. Emergency responses (and onlookers) can unintentionally push a person toward a harmful decision. * De-pressurise the scene. Reduce noise, audience, and competing voices; create time and space. * Use one trusted voice. Agree a single lead person to speak; a quiet second person can support the lead. * Parents/carers: you may not be the right lead. Prioritise trust over role or ego; let the young person help choose who they talk to. * Environment matters. Pick the person’s safest, calmest place (often their room, or a side-by-side setting like a walk/drive). * Open gently, aim for clarity. Start with care (“We’re really worried about you”) and progress toward the heart of the matter. * Listen with curiosity. Go slow, don’t rush answers; reflect and reassure. * Leave your ego at the door. The conversation is about them*, not our fear of “getting it wrong.”
Episode highlights (timestamps approximate) 00:00 — Introductions & purpose. Why talking about suicide matters. * 01:53 — UK context. 7,055 suicides in 2023; why we need more open dialogue. * 06:29 — Pivotal story. A high-rise incident shows how crowds and visible emergency response can increase a person’s felt pressure. * 12:09 — The lesson. Decompress the scene: fewer people, more time, less noise. * 15:14 — “One voice.” Choose a single trusted lead; a quiet second supports the lead. * 21:28 — Parents & carers. Opening lines, managing fear/ego, creating safe space at home. * 26:25 — Summary. Trust intuition, choose one voice, prioritise safety and connection. * 28:20 — Closing reflection.* Speaking openly reduces shame; we need a culture of kindness and support.
How to start the conversation * “I’m really worried about you, and I want to understand.” * “I’ve noticed [specific change]. How are you, really?” * “Are you thinking about suicide?” (Direct, calm, non-judgemental.) * “Thank you for telling me. I’m here. We can take this one step at a time.”
Resources & support (UK)If you have been affected by anything in this podcast here are the numbers for you to contact.
📞 Samaritans — Call 116 123 any time, day or night.
📱 Shout — Text 85258 for free, confidential support in the UK.
📞 PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK — Call 0800 068 4141 if you’re under 35 and struggling, or worried about someone who is.
💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
— a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
Watch on YouTube
In this episode Nicky talk to Katey Martin, a police officer and head of counter-terrorism negotiation training in the UK, discussing her experiences and the importance of suicide prevention.
She highlights that 95% of their call-outs in London involve crisis situations. Katey emphasises the success of negotiators in saving lives through difficult conversations. She trained as a suicide first aid instructor and, with colleague Derek Carroll, rolled out this training nationally. Katey stresses the importance of using observational language, trusting gut feelings, and having open conversations about suicide. She also mentions the prevalence of suicide thoughts among young people and the need for better training and conversations to address this issue.
Katie explains the significance of using the word "suicide" openly and not shying away from it. She discusses the impact of language on conversations about suicide and the importance of using observational language.
Katey shares a story about a parent who used an emotional label to save their child's life, highlighting the power of words and advises parents to have conversations about suicide with their children and not to fear the topic.
If you have been affected by anything in this podcast here are the numbers for you to contact.
📞 Samaritans — Call 116 123 any time, day or night.
📱 Shout — Text 85258 for free, confidential support in the UK.
📞 PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK — Call 0800 068 4141 if you’re under 35 and struggling, or worried about someone who is.
💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide
— a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.
You are not alone. Reaching out takes courage — and support is always here.
Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) * Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) * PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s):* 0800 068 4141
Explore more tools & training:
🌐 www.nickyperfect.com
🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk
In this episode Nicky explains how human emotions play a large part in how people respond to change.She goes through the Kubler Ross grief cycle and how this helps explain why we experience the emotions we do and how you can manage them.
This is the first episode in the series of communication change.Nicky is focussing on this after many requests to talk about how to lead people through change and also what it's like to go through change and how this affects the way we behave and communicate.
For many of us Christmas is a time to relax and have fun but for some of us it's a time we spend with people we don't really know or necessarily even get on with.
It's also often a period filled with difficult conversations, emotion and breakup of many relationships.
In this episode Nicky speaks to Janthea Brigden. Janthea owns a company called Nipperbout creating child friendly environments at events, hospitality and leisure.
They discuss a whole host of topics to help you with your extended family, family and children this Christmas and give you some practical tips to help make life a little easier this Christmas
In this episode Nicky looks at four areas to help you have those conversations you have been putting off. Emotions - why conversations with our families can often be driven by emotions and the impact of this. Consequences - what they are and why you should think about them before you have the conversation. Beliefs - both yours and the person who you are going to talk to and how they intertwine. How to introduce this conversation and how this will help keep the emotions down.
In this track Nicky looks at two common questions she is asked. She shares the 4 P's; Purpose - what outcome do you want from this conversation and why is it so important to you. Practice - what you are going to say and how you are going today it. Permission - give yourself permission to ask. Perspective - look at the world from the other person's point of view. How will they view your request.
In this episode Nicky chats to Jo Berry. Jo's father, Sir Anthony Berry, was killed by an IRA bomb in 1984. In 2000 Jo met the man who had planted the bomb, Patrick Magee. This is her amazing story which touches on so many aspects of communication and being human. It's hard to describe this story so the best thing to do is listen as Jo tells it in her own words.
In this track Nicky explains why she believes communication is such an important skill and yet one of the core functions of every day that gets forgotten about. When we speak to each other it's generally from an unconscious place and we don't think about the words we are saying or how we are approaching the conversation. When we become more conscious in our communication we can leave people feeling empowered, valued and validated.
In this episode Nicky looks at 5 steps you can take when having difficult conversations and help you to be heard. The last year and this most recent lockdown has been a challenge for everyone and sometimes this affects our relationships and our ability to communicate with others.
In this episode Nicky gives you five tips to help you become more confident in your conversations. Perhaps you struggle to be heard in meetings or at home, or do you struggle to get your message across in meetings. Actions for you to take: 1. Practice 2. Listen to what other people say and then reflect back what you have heard. 3. Quietening your inner dialogue 4. Being present 5. Make it about the other person
In this episode Nicky looks at how we can negotiate with our kids especially in during lockdown. She gives 3 tips; remember our conversation comes from our own point of view, being present, listening. She also shares the plane Please Listen by Leo Buscaglia
As we enter the second month of this current lockdown, relationships are beginning to breakdown as people struggle with home schooling and working from home. Families have forgotten to make quality and fun time for each other as this way of life becomes the new normal. In this episode Nicky gives us four tips on how to communicate with our families during lockdown.
Part 5 of this mini course where Nicky gets you to reflect on how you communicate. Listening is at the heart of building relationships, being fully present with someone with no judgement or trying to problem solve is incredibly powerful when it comes to building relationships and gaining trust. Without trust relationships fail, without listening and spending time with someone it's hard to build trust.
In this episode we look at the think, feel, do cognitive behaviour model and how this affects the way we behave and communicate with each other. Nicky shares some of her own stories in how this works for her and how reflection is the key to change. Sometimes we don't know what we don't know, understanding how we work as individuals helps us to be able to change and grow.
In this episode Nicky looks at how fear drives us and causes emotional conversations rather than logical ones. She discusses how your inner critic is there to protect you and comes from the part of the primitive brain which causes fight, flight or freeze. Nicky also discusses how being control can have an affect on how we communicate with others and when control is taken from us it causes fear.This fear is often about loss or perceived loss. She gives you tips on how you become more aware of how you are behaving and how you can speak from a more logical perspective rather than an emotional one. Self reflection is the key to change.
This episode is part 2 from a 5 part mini series about self reflection and how to build relationships through communication. In this episode we loo at our own values and belief and what we believe to be true and how it drives our behaviour. Nicky gives you a challenge at the end of each session to help you become more reflective and consciously aware about how you communicate with other people.
This mini series is a 5 day course where Nicky helps you to become more self aware about how you behave and why. Today is all about self reflection and the challenge is to make your behaviour and communication more conscious. It is difficult to change if you are unaware of how you behave int he first place.
Welcome to our conversations from the coffee shop where we meet and talk to people about their lives and their stories. In this episode we meet Jess who shares her story of how she lost her partner to heart disease at an incredibly early age, how she dealt with this by in her words "running away" and how she fell into an abusive relationship and eventually escaped. Jess shares with us the lessons she learnt along the way and of course we focus and reflect not he communication and behaviour aspect of it all. Thank you Jess for sharing your story.
In this episode we look at one of the ways we listen to other people, the "problem solving" way. This means we focus on how we can solve the other persons problem rather than how they might be feeling, or what might be going on for them. We also discuss the poem Please Listen by Leo Buscaglia. Leo's poem shows the effect telling someone what to do can have on them.
In this track Nicky speaks to Susie. Susie is 16 and has struggled with her mental health. Susie tried to take her own life and was sectioned under the mental health act when she was 13 years old. Here she tells her story of her experience and how she is now paying it forward working with mental health organisations to help other people who might find themselves in a similar situation. A must listen for those of you with children or if you know of a young person who is struggling with their own mental health at this time.
In this episode Nicky explains how validating how someone is feeling helps to build relationships and creates trust. This can be in a new relationship or with a family member. Sometimes we are quick to give advice or solve the problem for the other person rather than listening to what they are saying and how are they are feeling. Recognising how a person might feel helps them to feel listened to and valued. As human being we all generally like to feel valued at some stage.
In this episode Nicky shares a recent car accident and how her emotional or limbic brain took over and how she managed to interrupt her thought patterns to gain control. She also shows how this can happen when we have arguments or react to something maybe one of our kids or partners have done and how this causes a breakdown in the relationship.
In this track Nicky shares why we talk about people behind their back, what drives us to this and what we can do to think about changing our behaviour. We've all done it been unkind about someone or moaned about them behind their back, we sometimes seem to thrive on belittling others but why? Sometimes the smallest change makes the biggest difference.
In this track /nicky discusses how to make a great first impression and gives you four tips. She shares her stories from her negotiation world and being a step parent and makes this relatable to building any sort of relationship from a job interview, first date or becoming a step parent.
In this episode Nicky shares a story where she has been working under stress and how this has impacted the way she listened to her team and also communicated with them.
In this episode you will learn: How to become more self aware so you recognise what your behaviour is. What to do if you find yourself caught up in the moment. What to do next.
In this episode Nicky shares one of her negotiations with a young girl in a tree with a noose round her neck. She talks about the lessons she learnt, what worked and how she uses this experience in communicating with her teenage daughter. Nicky also share her experiences in lockdown and gives you some tips on how to communicate with family during this challenging time.
For over a decade Nicky had the privilege of being an international hostage and crisis negotiator. During this time she learnt everyone has a story and all of us experience some sort of crisis during our own lives. Each one of our stories has a life lesson someone else can learn from. Today's story is about loss, dealing with grief and how being present and in a moment with another person can help them.
Clare lost her 7 year old daughter suddenly and in this episode she shares her experience and story.
In this episode Nicky share her knowledge of how hostage have survived their time in captivity and what we can learn and use as we experience these challenging times. She also shares stories from her own life and how you can use these to create better relationships as we spend far more time with each other and change our daily routines.
In this track Nicky explains why she believes words are important and then gives three ways of improving and challenging yourself in your own conversation.
In this episode Nicky discusses what she believes presence is, the difference it makes when you bring you own presence to ta conversation and she also shares a chapter from her new book, talking about what happened and the lessons she learnt.
Not everyone enjoys Christmas and sometimes we have to face challenges which seem exaggerated because of the time of year. In this episode Nicky shares some practical tips on dealing with our own emotions and also why there is conflict between people when deciding how to spend Christmas Day.
In this track Nicky describes a conversation she had with a team member, how it didn't go too well and what she learned. she also shares the stages of change and how to talk to people on a one to one basis.
In this episode Nicky looks at one of the episodes from The Peaky Blinders series here in the UK and how one of the main characters is able to influence his sister into getting what he wants.
In this episode Nicky explores how telling a team member they must do something because the organisation or business demands it can leave the person feeling devalued. When this happens they become less motivated and engaged and you lose their interest and good will. Spending time in the moment listening to them and then working out a solution which is still best for the business or organisation is a win win for everyone.
Every day we can learn from our conversations with others. In this episode Nicky describes a simple encounter with a customer, how the conversation didn't go quite according to plan and what she learnt.
In this episode Nicky discusses why managing expectations with your children helps you to get them to do a task you would like them to do but without the emotional conversation which often goes with it.
In this episode Nicky gives you 5 ways of how to have a conversation with someone in crisis. This episode is specifically for those people in an emotional relationship with someone else and how this can impact on our ability to be rational and how our belief systems can take over the conversation. she also shares her experience of negotiations and what she learnt from each one.
We generally view the world through our own lens and what we believe to be true, when this happens we sometimes don't appreciate the other person is also viewing the world through their lens. This can cause conflict or misunderstandings. Once you are aware of how you view different situations then you can change how you communicate.
It can sometimes be difficult to have a conversation where you are going to tell someone how you feel. We often play the scenario round in our head and build it up. In this episode Nicky shows you how to approach having a a difficult conversation and ways of structuring taking ownership and control.
In this weeks episode Nicky discusses how misunderstandings in conversations can lead to ill feeling, relationship breakdown and possibly even caused the death of Thomas Beckett!! She also shows you ways of checking to make sure you understand the message someone gives to you and also how to check someone has received the message you meant to send.
In this episode Nicky shares an experience of losing a friend this week and three lessons she has learnt. Each lesson is based on communicating with others, building relationships and dealing with loss and challenges.
In this episode Nicky describes how honest conversations are the root of strong relationships. she describes the three character traits of conflict, submissive, assertive and aggressive and how these impact on relationships. She also shows you how to have honest conversations, taking responsibility for your own feelings and phrasing these into a conversation.
In this episode Nicky discusses what she has learnt from three conversations with younger people this week and how making assumptions reflects in how we communicate with others. She also explains what mirroring really is and how you can use this in every day communication to get the most from another person.
In this episode Nicky explains why saying what you believe is the right thing might not be the right thing. Have you ever had an emotional response when you have tried to solve someones problems or offer advice? Here are some reasons why this might be happening.
In this episode Nicky talks about how you can improve your life by listening and being aware of want you are saying. She also explains how talking negatively about yourself and others has a greater impact than you might realise and how you can change this to improve your life.
In this episode Nicky follows on with how to improve your communication skills and how it starts with you. She explains why having a greater understanding of yourself help you to work out what triggers your emotions and how to change the way you talk. She specifically focusses on how we love to blame others and its not until we take responsibility for our own actions that we can then make a change.
In this episode Nicky looks at new goals set for the year and is communication one of them? She also discusses how we can improve our own communication but it starts with how we view ourselves and what we learn.
In this episode Nicky shares a change sh experienced, how she lost her purpose and the effect it had on her behaviour and conversations. She also shares a way to help if you feel the same
In this episode Nicky discusses what ego is and how it reflects in your behaviour and communication.
In this episode Nicky discusses how and why we listen to be right and the impact this has on our conversations.
In this episode Nicky explains why we feel fear and 4 ways you can overcome your own fears and achieve what you want to achieve or overcome challenges you might be facing.
In this episode Nicky describes how sometimes words aren't enough and not actually needed by the other person. We often feel the need to speak and problem solve when actually all we need is to just be there.
In this track Nicky explains how a visit to a hairdressers is often more about a person spending sometime on themselves and being listened to than just a haircut
In this episode Nicky discusses the phrase "we are what we believe we are" and how, she believes, this impacts on our words and behaviour.
In this episode Nicky discusses her belief on how social media impacts our conversations and 3 ways you can look at avoiding an argument when you disagree with someone or believe you are being attacked by another person's comments.
In this episode Nicky discusses why it's difficult for us to have courageous conversation but how powerful they are when we do.
Sometimes we know we shouldn't respond from an emotional point of view but how do we stop ourselves from doing this? In this episode Nicky shows you 3 ways of dealing with question.
In this episode Nicky discusses what happens when we feel we have no control and how this changes the way we communicate with others. Being out of control is often triggered by a fear we might have and we are looking for a way to protect ourselves.
In this episode, Nicky explains what happens when we feel out of control and ways you can manage other people's expectations.
In this episode Nicky discusses the phrase "be a spectator to your thoughts" and ho this can hep you understand what makes you communicate and behave in certain ways.
Sometimes when we feel we are being judged we will change the way we bah and how we communicate with other people. In this episode Nicky talks about what happens and how we can recognise when we are doing this ourselves.
In this episode Nicky discusses the reason why we judge people, how to recognise you are doing it and how it might impact the conversation you have with the other person or how you behave towards them.
We can learn so much if we take conversations which didn't quite go as we planned. In this episode Nicky shares a story of a conversation she had last week where she allowed her emotions to get the better of her and what she learnt.
Sometimes it is difficult to overcome challenges in life and we can get caught up in the emotion. Often we don't see a way round the problem and get "stuck". In this episode Nicky explains how asking the right questions can help you to move forward.
In this episode Nicky describes the difference between saying words and action words. She uses examples form her career as a Hostage & Crisis Negotiator and how this has reflected in her own and other people's lives.
In this track Nicky shares 3 of the most important life lessons she learnt as a Hostage & Crisis Negotiator & how you can use them in every day life. She explains how small words can make a big difference in a conversation, how saying the reassuring sentence is about you and not the other person & how active listening can make a big difference to someone else's life.
In this episode Nicky gives you 5 reasons why being perfect isn't important. Sometime we procrastinate because we are worried about what will happen if we follow our dream or take on a new job or project and we wait for the perfect time or the perfect moment to take a leap into the unknown. Nicky helps you overcome any fears which might be holding you back.
In this episode Nicky explains how you can overcome objections before the other person has actually voiced their opinion. This helps to break down barriers and build relationships without the other person realising what you are doing. It's like being a mind reader without any trickery.
In this episode Nicky explains how a pause or a silence can be used in conversations and how they can help you understand the other person. She also explains how your brain works and how slowing down and taking more time can reduce the emotion of a conversation and improve your relationships.
In this episode Nicky explains how you can deal with your negative self talk. Often the voice inside our head, sows the seed of doubt and prevents us from taking steps towards what we really want from life. Don't let your limiting beliefs stop you from achieving all you want.
In this track Nicky follows on from episode 19 and 20 with the final two Laws of Influence, authority and scarcity. She shows you how you can use Robert Cialdini's Laws of Influence in every day life situations.
In this track Nicky talks about another 2 of Robert Cialdini's Laws of Influence; social proof and liking, and how these can be used in every day situations. Cialdini has written many articles on influence and Nicky uses these in both her coaching, parenting and her negotiation life. Once you know these laws it will help you to improve your relationships with other people in your life.
Robert Cialdini has written several books on the Law of Influence. In this weeks episode Nicky talks about three of these laws, reciprocity, consistency and commitment and how you can use them in your every day life.
In this episode Nicky explains why the written word is so important and the impact it can have on your relationships and business. Words are incredibly powerful and will impact the other person whether you mean them to or not.
In this episode Nicky explains why being kind and respectful is important in conversations and how you can have opinions and debates but still show the other person respect even when you disagree with their opinion.
As our children grow and develop we sometimes find ourselves having different/difficult relationships with them. In this episode Nicky will show you why your child changes, how to deal with this yourself and how to improve your conversations with them. she gives you tips you can start implementing straight aways and help you recognise your own emotions and bias.
Many of us have relationships in our lives which follow the same pattern of conversation leaving us feeling hurt and confused. In this episode Nicky shows you how to use honest conversations to repair these relationships.
Words are powerful and have a big impact on other people. In this episode Nicky discusses her thoughts words, non verbal communication and tone. She details why having all three is an advantage and how to be more aware of the words you sue in emails and text messages to create a positive experience for the reader.
In this episode Nicky shares how she uses her negotiation skills in parenting and the similarities there are. She gives you 5 tips to use when having a conversation with your child and the child is pushing back on what you are saying. Useful tools for all you parents out there.
Conflict in the workplace can cause many of us frustration and feeling of not wanting to go to work. In this episode Nicky gives 8 tips on how to manage difficult conversation and deal with conflict.
In this episode I explain how to use communication to help you achieve your goals and the 4 most common challenges people face.
In this episode, Nicky talks about how easy it is to become overwhelmed during the festive period and talks you through techniques to deal with challenging situations. Nicky cover dealing with emotions, turning negatives into positives and how important words can be. Merry Christmas!
In this episode, Nicky will teach you how to be a better communicator especially if you are a leader. Effective communication is the key to all successful relationships and Nicky will cover 5 crucial points to improve your skills.
In this episode Nicky describes how to control your emotions when you are talking to others. She explains the psychology behind what drives our emotions and then provides you with 5 useful tips to improve the way you interact with others.
In this episode, I will show you how to make a great first impression through the use of a five step process. We will also discuss how to improve your confidence and skills for success. You will find this episode useful if you a preparing for a job interview or are looking for tips to improve your relationships, promotion opportunities and leadership style. Enjoy!
How do your values and beliefs, bias and frame of reference affect your communication style. Learn how to recognise this in yourself and improve your ability to communicate in all types of situations through adapting your communication style.
This episode is a quick chat version covering the importance of human connections, trusting others and understanding yourself.
Episode 3 from Nicky Perfect, The Communication Coach explains how listening works. Nicky will help you to understand how most people listen and how this can affect your ability to communicate in a range of different circumstances and relationships.
Episode 2 - Emotional Conversations - in this episode you will learn to understand how your emotions affect your behaviour and your communication. Learn how to become more self aware and improve your relationships.
Episode 1 is an introduction to me, The Communication Coach. I've spent the last 10 years as a hostage and crisis negotiator working globally to influence peoples behaviour and save lives. Using all the skills I've learnt over the years, I will be helping you to improve your relationships, understand your motivators and improve your life.