The Mildly Alarming Podcast: Recent Episodes
Johannes Stauffer; Tom Rich
Two amateur board game designers; two microphones; two tall Gin & Tonics. We discuss games we like, games we hate, design ideas, and what it's like to live with a giant spider in a cabin in rural Wisconsin.
The lads return with important news about the nature of podcasting. Then it's off to the races with Wrong About Books segment about Jo Furniss's lovely novel, All the Little Children. Plus an ad for a chair, and some other stuff, too!
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the duck farm, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always are too many bills, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 58632: “Are Badger Bites Venomous?” An informational pamphlet from the office of the Prime Minister
Segment 1: Wrong About Books - "All the Little Children" by Jo Furniss
Spoilers start at 13:40 and end at 37:18.
Episode Sponsor: Fartsorbent Office Chairs
*Music in this episode:
"Meanwhile in Bavaria" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License*
After a long absence, the boys return to tell you all about their Protospiel escapades, in an episode rife with references to people who are completely unaware of how many nicknames they have. Revel as we tell you about prototypes that we got to play with, but you never will. Plus an all-new Mildly Alarming Theater. Also, this whole episode was broadcast from inside a huge clown. It doesn't come up, but you probably want to keep it in mind.
Cold Open: Hideous Vats of Saliva
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the cave where Patrick Stewart goes instead of aging, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is an autographed 8 by 10 glossy, thank you Mr. Stewart, loved you on Star Trek, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 846: When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie That’s Excruciatingly Painful
Segment 1: Protospiel 2017 Retrospective
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Chicken Monster and Dave
This is an episode of the podcast. It has a first segment, and a second segment. There are also some funny joke commercials. Please enjoy responsibly.
Intro Gag: Comin' to you live from the MEAT-ing room, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a conference table made of ham, and this is the mildly alarming podcast. Episode Bacon Chairs: The Whiteboard is Steaks because the room is all meat, it’s a meating room, like a meeting room but with meat, get it
Segment 1: Board Games Based On Video Games Here's that GamesRadar article we talked about
Episode Sponsor: ThickPins
Segment 2: Themeballin' Here's that video (and an article with pictures) about the new Chernobyl containment structure
Outro Gag: SuperTies
*Music in this episode:
'Electrodoodle' and 'Voice Over Under' by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
This week, in the book review segment of their board game podcast, the boys review a video game. Because we live in a world of uncertainty, and you could die at any second. LIKE RIGHT NOW! Or maybe a different second. Watch out.
Intro Gag: Comin' to you live from the Good Ship Cupcake, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a substance wholly unsuited to being a boat, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Threef: Pro Nography - A Study in Holiday Drink-Based Image Capture
Segment 1: Wrong About... Video Games? - Firewatch
Spoilers start at 13:02 and never end. Actually.
Firewatch Official Website
Firewatch on Steam
To the Moon on Steam
Dear Esther on Steam
The Stanley Parable on Steam
Episode Sponsor: The How-ta-do Show with Leon and Beardy Paul
*Music in this episode:
"Cowboy Sting" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
Q: When is a Mage also a Knight. A: Only when you can Ranged Attack 3 by using a white mana token on your Swiftness card to knock out a werehorse before it can kick you. That's right, kids: we talk about Mage Knight this week, and then have another round of Elephant v. Library. Adventure! Excitement! Hot, creamy dog barf! The Mildly Alarming Podcast.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the Jungle of Hair, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a man called The Juicebeard, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 90210: The Tragedy of Sir Roland Cruspick Twun and His Many Dogs
Segment 1: Game Review - Mage Knight
As promised, here is an image of some Mage Knight monster tokens. Witness their arcane iconography!
Episode Sponsor: The How-ta-do Show with Leon and Beardy Paul
Segment 2: Elephant vs. Library - Round 2
Remember to vote for the winner on Twitter! Follow the links below for each individual poll.
Round 1: Queen vs. Bruce Springsteen
Round 2: Darius vs. Maurice
Round 3: Dynamite vs. Paper
Outro Gag: Skooshy's No-slip Shower Fungus
*Music in this episode:
"Cowboy Sting" and "Comic Hero" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
Well, the boys are at it again as they talk about what happens when you click Like buttons (goblins steal your shoes) and also what happens when you combine Settlers of Catan with Time n' Space (goblins return your shoes). Really, the whole thing was just an experiment to figure out what goblins do sometimes. Also: broccoli.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the buffalo farm, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are freshly-sprouting buffalo, far as the eye can see, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 6.8: Well, Heck, You Can’t Paint It!
Segment 1: Liking Things Is Bad
How the Like Button Ruined the Internet
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break
Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Settlers of Catan
Important Videos on YouTube
Warning: We didn't watch all of them. Advance past the first few at your own peril.
Outro Gag: Thundermittens
Apparently Tom has given up on writing these episode summaries, so I'm just going to put the lyrics to Hocus Pocus by Focus.
Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi
Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh!
Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi
Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh!
Oooooh-oooooh-oooooh-oooooh...
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from aboard a Nantucket sleighride, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are a bunch of dudes who do NOT appreciate Jingle Bells, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 810: My Porcupine is Obese!
Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theatre - Papal Bulls Episode Sponsor: Ear Quotes
Segment 2: Themeballin’ Outro Gag: Spill-Proof Cup
*Music in this episode:
"Zig Zag", "Deadly Roulette", "Tech Live", and "Bummin' on Tremolo" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
La Cathedrale De Saint Gall Tuotilo, Hodie Cantandus Est Nobis*
This week the boys review Lev Grossman's "The Magicians" and have so much to say it takes up the whole hour, and then some! Do you think they liked it? You'll have to listen to find out. (Hint: They did not.)
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the alphabet uprising, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me is always is the new king and first letter, Q, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Niner: Great Hug, Good Buddy!
Segment 1: Wrong About Books - The Magicians by Lev Grossman Spoilers start at 00:13:05
Spoilers end at 01:01:10
Outro Gag: Great Hug!
You know what we all need in these days of strife and weirdness? A happy little night at the theater. You know, some men go on a stage and make sounds, we eat the corn that has popped, some other men put bags on our heads and spirit us away in a black van to wile away our days digging up soup in the soup mines. You know. Normal stuff. Stuff that is in no way weird. Totally. Normal. Stuff.
Also, and this is just an experiment: Broccoli. Broccoli. Brocc. O. Li.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from a creepy murder dungeon, I’m Tom Rich and that siren just gave me away, I should probably run, this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast bye! Episode 81: A Visit to the Butt Implant Factory
Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theater Presents - The Elephant in the Room
Episode Sponsor: The Sponsor of this Episode
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater Presents - Phone Support
Outro Gag: Pants of Holding
*Music in this episode:
"Meatball Parade" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0*
The boys triumphantly return to talk about alliances for a while: how they work, what they are, and whether or not they qualify for federal subsidies under the Board Game Development and Redistribution Act. Then they're off to a magical land of pony and dog shows to talk about some other things. Plus a guy named Larry Mayonnaise and the hottest review show on YouTube.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from the ice-pits of Frakrajoon, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a clan of highly-intelligent frost baboons, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 738: ‘Kissing Spiders on the Mouth’, and Other Tales from the Boy Scouts
Segment One: Partnerships and Alliances
- Prisoner's Dilemma Wikipedia Article
- Split or Steal (Prisoner's Dilemma game show thing)
Also, turns out I guess we didn't review Two Rooms and a Boom. Check it out here!
Episode sponsor: Larry Mayonnaise
Segment Two: How to Harpoon Whales and Save Money on Bear Insurance
Outro Gag:Bad Product Reviews
*Music in this episode:
"Shiny Tech" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0*
This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, your hosts review Knot Dice, the new game from Black Oak Games. They also completely fail to avoid the insipid "Knot/Not" joke, and thus consign themselves to comedy hell. Then it's time once again to ball a few themes with Themeballin'. Plus an ad for some sort of animal, and a visit from your favorite news team. Don't miss it!
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from an igloo, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is butt frostbite, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 7.9: It is Because the Toilet is Made of Ice, You See.
Segment 1: Celtic Knot Dice
- Black Oak Games
- Knot Dice on Kickstarter
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break
Segment 2: Themeballin' Outro Gag: Scott's Pet
This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, we talk all about a game that Tom played at an office Christmas party, and how it might be made more gamerly. Also, it's our Christmas spectacular this week, with a very special Mildly Alarming Theater, and an advertisement from an actual saint.
Also something about walruses. Don't miss it!
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from a sleigh ride together with you, I’m Johannes Stauffer with with me as always are horse farts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 301: Yule Log: COOL Log!
Segment 1: The Game Tom Played at an Office Christmas Party
Episode Sponsor: Good King Wenceslas's Fine Dining
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Lords-a-Leaping
Once upon a time, Johannes and Tom's friend Devan said "hey guys, give me some of your money and I'll buy us the opportunity to be locked in a room where we have to solve puzzles in order to get out." And they did, and it turned out to be a heck of a good time and not, say, a front for illegal organ harvesters. They tell you all about it on this episode of the podcast, and then talk about elephants and libraries. Welcome, friend!
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the wrong side of the tracks, I’m Johannes Stauffer and… wait, no, this is the right side, that’s… no, I’m wrong… they look exactly alike. They’re the same. This is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 999: Gelatin, the Doom of Man.
Segment 1: Escape Rooms * Breakout Escape Rooms' website * Breakout Escape Rooms on Facebook
Episode Sponsor: Barry's Biscuit Bar
Segment 2: Elephant Versus Library Vote on Twitter
- Round 1 - Arkham Horror vs. Eclipse
- Round 2 - Interstellar vs. The Last Unicorn
- Round 3 - Elephant vs. Library
Outro Gag: Keepin' it Creel with Gary Smoolihan
*Music in this episode:
"Meatball Parade" and "Comin' Round the Mountain" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
Sing, O goddess, the folly of the Mildly Alarming Podcast / that brought countless ills upon the nerds who made it. / Many a brave soul did it send smacking hand to forehead / and also side to side shaking the craggy brows. / For so were the councils of Jove fulfilled that day, when first the Ger-Man, Johannes, did go upon the internet with the Wee Little Ginger One.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the highest mountain peaks, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a man named Carl, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 18: Edward and the Giant Blender
Segment 1: Route-Building Games * Ticket to Ride * Age of Steam * 1830: Railways & Robber Barons
Episode Sponsor: EatMyTorts.com
Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Clue(do) Outro Gag: The Adventures of Sun-Puncher
*Music in this episode:
"Take a Chance" by KevinMcLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
Gather around a serious table with all the other serious people to talk about serious things. Then retire to your serious room at the serious conference to tell all of your serious friends about how you lied at the other thing. In case you don't get my elaborate reference to the Treaty of Versailles: this week we talk about negotiation in games! It's fun! Also the triumphant return of Board Game Smasharama, and some other stuff probbably. I dunno. Johannes was standing on my throat while I wrote this.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the distant suns of the Calmagulon Galaxy, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is STILL MORE ELECTION NEWS WHAT IS THIS HELL and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 2: A Non-agrarian Nonagenarian
Segment 1: Negotiation in Games
Sponsor: Dealing with Difficult People with Dr. Simon Toosh
Segment 2: Board Game Smasharama - Captain Sonar and Time n' Space
Outro Gag: A Superior Means of Hand Hygiene
*Music in this episode:
Memories - www.bensound.com
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
The boys become obsessed with a new hashtag this week while simultaneously hoping that it doesn't turn out to be something disgusting. They talk about the difficulty of designing with tiny amounts of components, mock people who play bass, and make jokes about cattle in wedding dresses. Plus a message from your favorite news team and something about science. Adventure! Excitement! Jokes that in retrospect probably aren't ok!
Intro Gag:Comin’ to ya live from underneath your eighth grade history desk, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is a boogers, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode False: True!
Segment 1: Making Nano Games is Hard
Button Shy Games Nano Game Contest
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break
Segment 2: Themeballin'
Outro Gag: Science!
*Music in this episode:
Chucky the Construction Worker Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0*
Maybe dumb jokes will take the edge off that whole election thing? Maybe? We made some. Enjoy them!
Do you like submarines? We like submarines. And by that we mean board games where you drive submarines around, because real submarines involve being under the water for months with a bunch of sweaty sailors and probably smell, just, SO BAD by the time your cruise is done. You gotta really want to be in a submarine under those circumstances. Plus Mildly Alarming Theater and also other things!
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from a llama farm, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are pygmy hair giraffes, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 783: Slip Slap; Oh, Crap!
Segment One: Review - Captain Sonar
- Board Game Geek page for Captain Sonar
- Amazon page for Captain Sonar
Episode Sponsor: Dingo Lingo
Segment Two: Mildly Alarming Theater - Hands Up My Butt for Harambe
Outro Gag: Truck Nutz
*Music in this episode:
"Chee Zee Beach" and "River Valley Breakdown" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0*
Chip Beauvais emerges from his eons-long entombment in our green room this week to rule for a thousand years and also to tell us about his new game, Universal Rule. Plus a discussion of indy RPG "Everyone is John," adds for agricultural and laundry products, and Johannes sticks his hand in a blender for 45 straight minutes. Don't miss it!
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from my palatial mansion, I'm Chip Beauvais and with me as always are my adoring fans, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Fifty Billion: Creamed Corn and Salami: A Cautionary Tale.
Segment 1: Chip's New Game - Universal Rule
- BoardGameGeek Page
- Kickstarter Page
- www.buttonshygames.com
- Chip on Twitter
Episode Sponsor: Grain Paint
Segment 2: Review - Everyone is John
- imgur image where we discovered Everyone Is John
- 1d4chan Wiki page for Everyone Is John
Outro Gag: Horvath the Mighty's Ironing Horde
*Music in this episode:
"Hidden Past" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License*
Tom didn't write anything here even though it's LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB HE HAS ON THE PODCAST. So I guess I have to tell you that this episode is about how to commit the perfect murder with everyday objects you might find lying about . Y'know, rocks, paper, scissors - that sort of thing. Then we talk about clowns for awhile, which is neat.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from a world of infinite recursion...
Segment One: Rock - Paper - Scissors Mechanics
Hey, here's that Psychology Today article we talked about!
Episode Sponsor: National Council of Guys Name
Segment Two: The Scourge of Spooky Clowns
Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking Election News Electoral News Break
The boys stumble and bumble their way through a discussion of the etymology of "The Orient" this week, followed by a little recreational themeball, only those things happened in the opposite order in reality land. Plus the latest news from Mildly Alarming Radio News, and a special message from one of our other sponsors that I'm not going to tell you about. I have that kind of power.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from a hot dog farm, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are wiggly pink sprouts, far as the eye can see, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 58: That’s Some Good Moosin’
Segment One: Themeballin'
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break
Segment Two: Word Games
Outro Gag: RumprStickers
*Music in this episode:
Voice Over Under Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License*
Tonight, the Mildly Alarming Podcast doles out harsh truths about Trivial Pursuit, strange truths about Gary Smoolihan, and awkward truths about their own interior lives (spoiler alert: they like farting and butts). Plus commercials for leopards, a visit from a guy called Joe, and no references to Star Trek. But WHICH Star Trek? You're going to have to read on to find out! (It's Enterprise)
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the exact center of the galaxy, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are TWO Taco Bells, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 800: A Hundo Six EIghty Three
Segment One: Trivia Games
Episode Sponsor: Two Leopards Brand Man Cleaner
Segment Two: Flight of the Damsels
Outro Gag: Sloppy Joe's Jalopy Hoes
*Music in this episode:
"Matt's Blues" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License*
Have you ever wondered what Battleship would be like if it wasn't like the way it is? Well, you're in for a treat today, friend, because the boys spend a solid quarter of this episode talking about ways that Battleship could be different from the way that it is so that it could be better maybe. Plus a discussion of Star Trek, the ramblings of an old woman, the cleaning of jungle cats, and a review of the (spoiler alert) excellent graphic novel Nimona by Noelle Stevenson.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from where the wild men are, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is Milwaukee, it turns out, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Dozens: Guard Well Yon Nipply Men, Oh Squire Mine
Segment 1: Remaking the Game - Battleship
Sponsor: Two Men Leopard Cleaner
Segment 2: Wrong About Books - Nimona
Here's a link to Noelle Stevenson's website, where you can find stuff about Nimona and also other things she's done.
Outro Gag: Agnes Crinklehorn’s Practice Children
*Music in this episode:
Fig Leaf Rag Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0*
Can you flick a die off the back of your hand while hopskotching, shoot it under a leg, have it bounce off the door, onto the table, into Gary's mouth, out his second mouth, and have it land exactly where you want it? No? Then we absolutely want you for our Dungeon Fighter review. Plus commercials involving jungle cats, sticky balls of rich, lustrous theme, and another hit new crime drama.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from inside of a library, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the magic of reading, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 1234: Sensei Doug and his Magical Karate Friends.
Segment 1: Review - Dungeon Fighter
Sponsor: Two Men Leopard Cleaner
Segment 2: Themeballin’
Outro Gag: Lobster Mobster
This week's podcast is largely just us talking about a different episode of a different podcast which aired over two years ago. Because we are professionals. But stay tuned after that for the announcement of an exciting new product from the makers of your favorite sweet-and-savory dessert pastry, and also a new Mildly Alarming Theatre. About liver! It's an action-packed episode! And by "action" we mean "meat products".
Intro Gag Comin’ to ya live from the inevitable heat death of the universe, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is a comfy sweater, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 68: The Amiable Admiral’s Admirable Animal Amble
Segment 1 - Analysis Paralysis 2: The Paralzyning We revisit Analysis Paralysis in more depth. Check out the episode of the Judge John Hodgman Podcast that we reference here.
Episode Sponsor Grab My Thumb with Lester
Segment 2 - Mildly Alarming Theatre: Liver Me Timbers *Music in this episode:
"Quirky Dog" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
Protospiel has come and gone again, and the boys talk about what they saw, the feedback they got, and how John "The Iron Lion" Chaffer suplexed thirty men and one musk ox through a brewery floor. We didn't enter this year's Protospiel Rasslin' Championship, but after seeing that musk ox plummet into the depths of hell, we're kinda glad we didn't. Plus something about toilets, and a special message from astronaut Vic Chefterly.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the ladies room, I’m Tom Rich and OH MY GOD! and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 34: There Are Two Snack Bars In Here!
Segment 1: Protospiel Hangover
Sponsor: Toilets
Segment 2: The Feedback That We Got
Outro Gag: Vic Chefterly's Outer Space Burrito Stand
Through a combination of dark magic, enormous bags filled with hard cash, and shameless begging, your hosts land an interview with Ethan Nicolle, author of Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and a bunch of other rad stuff. We talk about drawing pictures, writing stories, and then get interrupted by either ravenous bears or the wrath of God (it's unclear). Plus ads for a boarding school, and a special message from a Pacific rim nation.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from Ethan Nicolle’s house, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are some keys that I borrowed, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 67: Ethan Nicolle, Why Are You Calling the Police?
Segment 1: Interview with Ethan Nicolle Things we referenced (in no particular order):
- Ethan's website
- Ethan Nicolle Apology
- Chumble Spuzz
- Bearmageddon
- Axe Cop
- Axe Cop Munchkin
- Veggie Tales in the House
- Rocket Monster Story Club
Sponsor: Saint Butterfield’s School for Little Chubby Boys
Segment 2: Plugs and Letters Outro Gag: The Sovereign Nation of Japan
*Music in this episode:
Olde Timey Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License*
The boys are SO PUMPED for the upcoming Protospiel game convention that they just have to spill all of their secrets onto the internet for every rival game designer to steal. So enjoy that, rival game designers! Plus commercials for two other shows, and Tom possibly getting his stupid ass fired from the job that pays his rent. He's real dumb.
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the backside of Mount Rushmore, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always are big stone butts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 41: The Time Uncle Wally Shotgunned a Can of Gravy and Threw Up All Night - A Cautionary Tale
Segment 1: We're So Pumped for Protospiel
Sponsor: Book of the Month with Sam Bubabbun
Segment 2: So Pumped You Don't Even Know
Outro Gag: The Witching Hour with Tom and Johannes
*Music in this episode:
"Disco Sting" and "Pump Sting" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
It's funny, because there's definitely audio attached, but neither of us has any recollection of making it. That means we don't have any responsibility for the content, right? We're gonna go with right. None of this is our fault, and we can't, say, have all of our assets frozen for putting it on the internet. Really, isn't it YOUR fault for playing it in the first place? In this scenario, are you not, in fact, the villain?
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from a land flowing with milk and honey, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is just a shitload of ants, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Twelveteen: He Who Sniffed It Whiffed It
Segment 1: I know we did a segment… what was it… hmm… Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Beak
Segment 2: THROWDOWN SHOWDOWN!
Outro Gag: Chodd and the Professor
Tonight on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, the boys discuss trading in games, and whether or not fistfuls of raw, unprocessed cash should constitute a valid means of interacting with other players. Then it's onward and upward when we take Risk and The Resistance and smash them together in our version of the Large Hadron Collider, which is just us talking on the internet, there are no hadrons. Plus an update on the finest sporting event known to man, and also something else. Podcasts!
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from high atop some greasy dude’s head, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is sentient dandruff, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Dope: The Hobo Pope’s Oboe Rope.
Segment 1: Hot Swapping - Trade in Games Episode Sponsor: Comin’ to ya live from high atop some greasy dude’s head, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is sentient dandruff, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Dope: The Hobo Pope’s Oboe Rope.
Segment 2: Board Game Smasharama - Risk and The Resistance
Outro Gag: An Empty White Box
It's like this. You go down to the VFA and vote for a delegate. The delegate votes for an elector. The elector votes for a representative. The representative goes to a cabin. The cabin is in the woods. The woods take a poll of various dogs, foxes, and species of birds. The results are given to the representative, who reads them, and picks a snake. The snake is now in charge. It's not a great system, but it's the system we have. Enjoy the Mildly Alarming Podcast as your snake overlords decide who to constrict and devour first.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from high atop Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is another, smaller Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 71: Otto and the Magic Hat.
Segment 1: Voting Mechanics
- CGP Grey - Politics in the Animal Kingdom
- Nomic (Wikipedia)
- A picture of a baboon
Episode Sponsor: Your Mildly Alarming News Team
Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Chutes and Ladders
Outro Gag: Cleanthe Brandlebart’s Full-Buttock Chaps
In a truly amazing feat, the lads managed to make it through an entire segment on casino games without once mentioning Kenny Rogers or his seminal song, "The Gambler." Their failure will surely be met by swift and savage retribution from the Kennocracy. If they don't hurry, they'll be taken via freight car to a Kenny Rogers Roasters, there to be Kenny Rogers Roasted.
They, um, should probably stop typing this and start running. Anyway, the Mildly Alarming Podcast, everyone!
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya’ live from the World Sausage Belching Championships, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is more particulate matter than I’m entirely comfortable with, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 294,628.3: Whence Comes The Dickleberry?
Segment 1: Themeballin' - Liquor and Homeownership
700 Hobo Names
700 Stripper Names
Episode Sponsor: Wilson and Jennifer's All Pork Wine
Segment 2: Casino... Games?!
Outro Gag: The Mildly Alarming Party Needs YOU(R MONEY)!
See, the thing is, that two people build a thing together, and it's theirs. It doesn't belong to just one of them. They sit down to play a board game, and they agree to the rules, and then one of them is jim-jamming the cards, or frosting their dice, or some other rule-breaking crap. And what's the other one supposed to do? What do you do when somebody you trusted takes the whole thing and throws it in the trash? Destroy their car, clearly.
This, ah, bit will make sense by the end of the episode. Trust me. I'm a doctor.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from the Lego factory, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are thick leather socks, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 123: Wouldjas Lookit the Gams on… HIM!?
Segment 1: Dexterity Games
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break
Segment 2: Your Cheatin' Heart Will Get Your Face Punched
Outro Gag: Lurbapolis Prole Remover
I say, my good chap, how about lovely spot of the old theatre? Sit in a box, watch strumpets with an eyeglass, have a good harrumph. What say you, chap-chap? Perhaps a little skippty-toot? Tumtpy-boodle? Tut-tut, now!
(Mildly Alarming Theater makes a triumphant return this week, as does "Tom writing a description guaranteed to make Johannes roar and foam at the mouth!)
Intro gag: Comin to ya live from a barrel of monkeys, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is dank, nasty hair, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 814: The Wolves of Wolf Hollow II—Howling Comes the Volfnacht
Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theater - Helga is a Witch
Episode Sponsor: Hrothgar's Chiropractic
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - The Unicorn
Outro Gag: Johannes is Trapped in a Huge Box of Bees
Depending on your point of view, your noble hosts either review a game called PushFight and a book called City of Sand, or they're lizards. Not, like, lizard people who secretly control the Vatican through the mole-person banks on the moon, but just regular lizards. You know, basking in the sun, flicking their tongues in and out, sometimes biting people. Lizards.
If, um, you want a decent podcast I'd pick the first one. Plus, it contains commercials for unhappy birds, and a visit from an old friend. From our perspective, you've already enjoyed it.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from an ocean of mayonnaise, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a the Good Ship Tater, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 57: BOOM! FINALLY NAILED ONE!
Segment 1: Game Review - PushFight
Here's what the PushFight board looks like:
You can check out PushFight on their website at www.pushfightgame.com or on
BoardGameGeek. You can also buy the beautiful edition of the game we have from the Penny Arcade Store.
Episode Sponsor: Jerry's Sad Parrots
Segment 2: Wrong About Books - City of Sand by Rob Kroese
Rob Kroese's website. No, I'm not making a joke with that URL. It seems to be his actual website.
Giraffe size
Elk size
Outro Gag: Burpapolis Bear Trap Remover
Your hosts delve into the higher forms of culture today, starting out with a discussion of acting in games and how that impacts the design process. Then get out your berets and turtlenecks and get ready to snap your fingers, smoke clove cigarettes, and get hit on by a guy named Carnival Moon, because it's Mildly Alarming Poetry Corner time. Plus a note on conservation, and a very real message from a very real astronaut.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya’ live from a big bowl of soup, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is POTATOS! and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 61: Clamparts
Segment 1: Acting, Role-playing, and You
- Sometimes games require you to act like a thing that you are not.
- Sometimes this is charades-style, sometimes it is D&D style.
- What considerations go into designing and playing games like this?
This is what the "Ph.D. in Nanas" thing was referencing
Episode Sponsor: Calvonimous Bro Preserve
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Poetry Corner
Tom
Once upon a Sunday queery, while I Iabored—well, in theory—
Over many a quaint and curious volume of our podcast lore
As I droolded, clearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“Must be Snoop Dogg,” did I mutter, “rapping at my chamber door.
Only this, and nothing more.”
Ah, distinctly I recall it, for I had just lost my wallet,
After landing fall-down drunk upon a barroom’s sticky floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow—vainly, I had sought to borrow
Twenty bucks to ease my sorrow—sorrow at my podcast chore.
At that pain-in-buttock tasklist that I call my podcast chore
To which I’m chain-ed evermore.
And the silken, sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with a deep confusion never felt before;
So that, now, to still the beating of my heart I stood repeating
“I do not remember seating purple curtains here before—
Have no memory of buying purple curtains long before
Snoop Dogg turned up at my door.”
Johannes
Waiting outside ever longer, as my rage grew in me stronger,
“Doofus,” called I, “get your lazy carcass off the floor.
Clearly, I have caught you napping, or, if I’m unlucky, crapping,
But most likely you were napping, napping on your chamber floor.
I can see you through the window, lying there upon the floor.
A moron there, and nothing more."
Through the window I stood peering, (as if) my eyeballs could be searing
Work ethic into my co-host, who rose, shaking, from the floor.
But his silence was unbroken, and his stillness gave no token,
And the only words he’d spoken had been muffled by the door.
Something about Snoop Dogg, likely, muffled by his chamber door.
Likely that, and nothing more.
Away from the threshold turning, all my wrath within my burning,
Soon I heard him tapping, louder than I tapped before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely he is on his feet now, thinking ‘Geewhiz,
He’ll most likely break my kneeses, if I don’t complete my chore,
Break ‘em with a hammer if I don’t complete my podcast chore.’
Now open up your stupid door!”
Tom
Open wide I flung the shutter, and with many a flirt and flutter
Out through the window stepped I, like a burglar of yore.
Not the least obeisance made I; not a minute stopped or stayed I;
But, dashing cross the sidewalk made I directly toward the door—
Sprinting like a sumbitch aimed directly at his truck’s front door.
“Yolo!” called I, “Swag galore!”
Johannes
No he didn’t; he is lying, clearly, for some reason, trying,
To convince you, and by rhyming, upon your good-sense implore
That you might believe this fable, to our podcast fix the label
Of ‘exciting,’ ‘thrilling,' ‘able’—from the list pick one or more.
Look down a list of good descriptors and, from it, pick one or more.
That’s what he’s after, the dumb whore.
Tom
Much I marvel, this ungainly fellow to discourse so plainly
Though his mock’ry fails to cut the issue to its core.
For, though yes, my goal’s amusement, and is fueled by a boozement,
Parody’s the thing, I’m choosin’ it, as I labor at this chore.
The fun of parodying poems sets me working at this chore.
Only this, and nothing more.
Johannes
I must ask, you goofy midget, think you that I am an idjit
Who didn’t know you had that motive, it and likely several more?
For instance, note that I have uttered—with my nipples lightly buttered—
Several stanzas deeply cluttered with phrasing that’s a dreary chore.
Phrasing hard to say aloud—you gave me this insipid chore.
Delib'rate, say I, that and more!
Tom
Startled, my reverie broken, by reply so aptly spoken,
Duder, say I, we should punch this up a good deal more.
For though I like a good parody, thicky, creamly, and most carroty,
We gots to take especial careody—your assistance I implore.
With the next turn of this po-em, your assistance I implore.
Come inside, and shut the door.
Johannes
Though it could get somewhat hairy, we could still poke fun at Gary
And the predilections he indulges on the shore.
See now, here’s what I am thinking: He’s aboard a ship that’s sinking,
And hears the sound of sea-shells clinking on the cabin floor.
The sound of sea-shells clink-clink-clinking on the tilted cabin floor.
List’ners, this, would never bore.
Tom
Funny, yes, but I am guessing, if this idea you’re expressing
Goes where Gary jokes have oh-so-often gone before,
If our imaginations, fertile, must return, again, to turtle
Then the shark our podcast hurtles, and the readers it will bore.
We’ll leap a shark if we talk turtle, and the readers it will bore.
And they’ll read us nevermore.
Johannes
Fair enough, you measly gno-em, but how will we end this po-em,
And, these stanzas, stow-em in a package we can store?
If Gary jokes are off the table, Alphonse jokes must be a fable,
And I’m unsure we will be able to come up with something more.
And will the listeners listen if we give them nothing more?
Answer, answer, I implore!
Tom
Co-host, says I, your point I mind, co-host still, if rather unkind,
It may be that of content we’re unlikely to find more.
Desolate, and rather daunted, by this lack of humor haunted,
by impending failure taunted—shall we, then, press on no more?
Is there beef at Taco Bell—tell me truly, I implore?
Yo Quiero, anymore?
Johannes
Co-host, say I, loutish laggard, co-host still, if super-slaggard,
You can’t use a dirt-cheap taco to evade your podcast chore.
This bit now’s the sixteenth stanza, a cheesy, beefy, word bonanza,
An excess, an extravaganza—just complete it, I implore.
There can’t be many stanzas left—tell how many, I implore.
Tell me, now, how many more?
Tom
I believe that there are lurking, if my count has not been shirking,
Two more stanzas left to send up ere we start meal number four.
Lest our readers think us lazy, lest their patience wavers, hazy,
Lest they take to acting crazy—complete, we must, this awful chore.
Let us have mercy on the readers and complete this awful chore.
Or they will read us nevermore.
Johannes
So here’s how this podcast endeth, as to rhyme scheme words we bendeth,
And thru’ tortured language wendeth, so that meter up we shore.
And as the lines draw to the finish, our hunger will soon diminish
With food that tastes a little tinnish from the Taco Bell next door.
We’ll feast on deeply healthless foodstuffs from the Taco Bell next door.
And do this segment… nevermore.
Outro Gag: Vic Chefterly's Outer Space Hair Cream
*Music in this episode:
"Mesmerize" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
Imagine your hosts, standing on a subway platform. Tom extends a hand to Johannes, who turns away. "No," he says. "You have written the bad story." Tom drops his hand. "But I thought it was the good story," he says. "And also we agree that board games are arts." Johannes turns away from the platform. "Go to your faraway place," he says. "Games are arts, but you have made me sad."
I should mention that all of this was translated from The Mildly Alarming Anime. That probably would have made it make more sense. Anyway, it's all about games as art and asymmetric player powers this week. Plus an ad for (against?) vaccines, a Mildly Alarming Theater, and a note for new readers.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from inside my bedroom closet, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is some sort of weird dog out there please send help, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Tenty-ten: Beeman! Champion of Heroics!
Segment 1: Variable Player Powers and Asymmetric Games
6 Documentaries that were shockingly full of crap from Cracked.com
The guy who only eats Big Macs is Don Gorske
Chess 2: The Sequel
To the Moons
That Dragon Cancer
Episode Sponsor: Vaccines PSA
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Clown College
Outro Gag: An Introduction for New Readers
Ok, so, how this week's podcast works is that you have three actions points, and listening to any one ad or segment costs one point, so you can only listen to a few of them on your turn. One of the segments is about action points, the other is about liquor and weed, and the ads are for space men and wizards. I have a dollar; Johannes is made of old soap and doesn't read what I write here. Tom is dumb and doesn't check back on these after he writes them. Your plan?
Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from a place in France, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are completely intact walls and disappointment, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode a Million: Lyle has two mommies, three daddies, an uncle, and a dog. Slippery slope my ass...
Segment 1: Action Point Allowance Systems
Episode Sponsor: Valitar Krambuthax, Ambassador of the Nebulons
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News
- Facebook bans users from promoting posts with the word "Scunthorpe"
in them * Kasich defends eating pizza with fork * Radioactive wild boar roaming Fukushima countryside * Longtime marijuana use may make you a loser * Touching robots can arouse humans * Snoop Dogg launches nature show
Outro Gag: Incantrathubacazdrathorn’s Golemry
*Music in this episode:
"Angevin" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
We discuss our dads on this most auspicious Father's Day, and then learn after the fact that it isn't Father's Day, it's not even close, what the hell you guys. So we move on to do a review of Blueprints, which we like, and discuss team-on-team games, which we have not really experienced but think we might like if we were to find one. There's a break for the news, and a very special announcement related to Donald Trump's hands. Don't miss it!
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from a distant future time, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are bees that produce coffee instead of milk , and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 4: The Final Episode Except We’re Doing More Don’t Leave Us
Segment 1: Reviewprints - Blueprints
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break
Segment 2: Team Competitive Games
Outro Gag: Announcing Our Candidacy
An elephant visits the studio this week, but your glorious hosts ignore it to bring you only the finest in podcastery. First, we discuss the novel "The Light of the Fireflies" by Paul Pen in a new edition of Wrong About Books, and then we take our copies of Eclipse and Arkham Horror and smash them together until candy comes out. Plus adverts from the Jeremy's Own and Burpapolis corporations, and a discussion of Donald Trump's tiny hands (spoiler: they are little).
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from a supermax prison, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always are macaroni arts and crafts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 66: The Secret Dog Illuminati.
Segment 1: Wrong About Books - The Light of the Fireflies by Paul Pen
This section has book spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, listen until the banjo music, and then skip to 39:56.
You can buy the book here: http://www.amazon.com/Light-Fireflies-Paul-Pen/dp/1503933547/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1460406106&sr=8-1&keywords=the+light+of+the+fireflies
Episode Sponsor: Jeremy's Own Brand Pencils
Segment 2: BOARD GAME SMASHARAMA
Outro Gag: Burpapolis Blue Shell Remover
*Music in this episode:
"River Valley Breakdown", "Electrodoodle", and "Spazzmatic Polka" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
Things get psychological in the studio as the boys admit the ways in which their brains don't work, and discuss how they work around the problem. Since neither suggests cutting out the gin & tonics, it seems to be a lost cause, but they soldier on to have a chat about an article on playtesting by Jessica Berlin of Galvanized Studios. Plus a Mildly Alarming PSA, and Johannes reveals his new side project.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from the buffalo Rome, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the Buffalo Pope, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Sechs: That was German for Six!
Segment 1: Productivity, Bullet Journaling, and You
Bullet Journal site
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio Public Service Announcement
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Discusses: "Five tips to make your first public playtest a success" by Jessica Berlin
Five tips to make your first public playtest a success
Tower Sponge
Outro Gag: Johannes's Art Gallery
We talk about the fine line between tabletop RPGs and board games and then, as if that wasn't enough excitement for one show, we discuss how different games track the large amount of data that players are required to remember. Plus a message from Jerry Doodio and a spot of news from the world's only news network. Yes, only: the others are gone. We are you information source now. Obey. Obey. Obey.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from an old timey speakeasy, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is a neverending sea of baffling slang, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 37: How to grow out your back hair for fun and profit
Segment 1: Tabletop RPGs v. Board Games—What We Learned from the Hero Playtest
Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break
Segment 2: Bookkeeping
Spaceteam
Outro Gag: Tiddlywinks
Steampunk space travel rules the day as we review Mission: Red Planet. Then we kvetch about winter, or, more accurately, how other people experience winter. Will you feel the icy blast of Jack Frost's breath on your neck as we podcast? Probably not, since that isn't how computers work. But you will learn about a cure for a problem that you might have, and find out how the day ends at the Mildly Alarming Daycare.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from the front of a parade, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is imminent trampling danger, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 900: Grandma’s Moldy Pinochle Set
Segment 1: Review - Mission: Red Planet
Episode Sponsor: Burpapolis Pig-man Remover
Segment 2: Last Night's Snowstorm
Outro Gag: Nighty-night Podcast
Our hosts square off in an arena and argue about the quality of "The Just City," a novel about Platonism and menstruation by Jo Walton. Then they talk about Take That! mechanics in board games, because this is a board game podcast by board game designers about board games, you clowns. Yeesh.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya’ live from low earth orbit in the late 1950's, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a whole bunch of frozen space dogs, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Ninety-Twelve: Unpasteurized Beef Albumin
Segment 1: Wrong About Books
Episode Sponsor: Pork Snapplins
Segment 2: "Take That!" Mechanics
Outro Gag: Toebots
Music in this episode:
"Quirky Dog" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
Well, it finally happened--the Mildly Alarming Podcast has sold out, and our new corporate overlords dictate our every word and move. Fortunately, said corporate overlords are the good people at NCBABPS-7, the channel that brings you Crime Mummy. Who's excited? This guy's excited, and that has absolutely nothing to do with generous financial contributions or suspiciously well-armed goons standing right behind me.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya’ live from the set of Crime Mummy, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is the cast of the finest show on television, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast, where it’s all mummies, all the crime. Episode Crime: Mummy!
Episode Sponsor: Mime Mummy
Segment 1: TV Review - Crime Mummy
Episode Sponsor: Chime Mummy
Segment 2: Themeballin' - Crime/Mummies
Episode Sponser: Rhyme Mummy
Segment 3: Mechanic Chat - Mummies?!
Episode Sponsor: Time Mummy
Segment 4: Booze 'n' the News
- Mummy Identification Still an Uncertain Science
- Change the sheets, give me cuddles and I'll laugh at your jokes: Mummy blogger ditches romance and writes 'real' marriage vows with a list of demands for her husband
- Trump the Donald
Outro Gag: Maritime Mummy
Music in this episode:
"Private Eye" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
Chip Beauvais stops by to tell us about his latest invention, which slices, dices, chops, shreds, gets stains out of carpets, and gives you a warm, sunny feeling inside, the kind that's been absent since that one person left your life. You know who we're talking about. The one who could banish your fears and insecurities just by the way they stood at the counter while they cut up vegetables for the dinners you'll never share, oh God, oh God, how could it all have gone so wrong? Then it's on to a skit about death! Isn't this podcast about board games? Ha! No. It's about the grim fact of your mortality. THAT'S mildly alarming!
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya’ live from the dentist chair, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the tortured screams of a thousand damned souls, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 12.3: The Mildly Alarming Pod…Cat?!?!
Segment 1: Chip Beauvais Appreciation Day
The website.
The hashtag.
A catbird.
Episode Sponsor: Valitar Krambuthax, Ambassador of the Nebulons
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Apprentice Grim Reaper
Outro Gag: DANGER COFFEE
Have you played Citadels? We have, and we're going to tell you about it. What about Time & Space? We've played it to, and will inflict our opinions of it upon you. Have YOU made a game called Two-Headed Ogre? We made a game called Two-Headed Ogre, and now we're going to tell you about THAT. We're unstoppable telling-you-about-stuff MACHINES!
... love us...
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from inside of a bank vault, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is a disappointing lack of gold coins, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 2: Mastodons Were Smaller Than You Might Think
Segment 1: Fancy Castles and the Space/Time Continuum
We got to play Citadels and Time & Space recently, and now we're going to tell you all about it!
Episode Sponsor: Weathercorn's Garment Monks
Segment 2: Two Heads, One Ogre
Outro Gag: Durryl's Sweaty Shirts And Also Other Clothes
*Music in this episode:
"Drankin' Song" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
"She Left Me For a T-Rex (Those Tiny Arms)" by Johannes Stauffer
"Lovers' Theme" by Hervé Roy*
It's pandemonium as your hosts commit podcast by flowchart and talk about how ogres are kinda' chubby. Will segments about game length drag on entirely too long? Will Tom confess to accidentally shooting one of his college roommates? Will butt-chugging make a triumphant return? Most likely, but tune in anyway!
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from my own living room, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a spread of artisanal cheeses, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 25: Farting in the Shower is the Worst Smell**
Segment 1: Game Length
Episode Sponsor: Teduardo's Finest Fish Emporium
Segment 2: Lost Forever!
Outro Gag: The Mildly Alarming Podcast in a World Where Johannes and Tom Can't Stop Vomiting
Music in this episode:
"Fretless" and "Loping Sting" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
Circuses! Nickleback! Airplanes crashing into turtles! Chaos ensues as the Mildly Alarming Podcast veers wildly between philosophy, lingusitics, medical-grade human crap, and subterfuge the goal of which is keeping away ladies of the evening, but whose actual result is merely a frightened dog. Why is the dog afraid? Why is the buffalo sad? Tune in to find out!
Intro gag:*Comin’ to ya live from a Lifetime Original movie, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is a strong independent woman who don’t need no man, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 52: The Adventures of Sadness the Buffalo
Segment 1: Themeballin'
Episode Sponsor: Dr. Slappy's Mystery Box
Segment 2: Booze'n the News
- Man Arrested for posing as policeman to stop his dad hiring prostitutes
- Calgary-born presidential hopeful Ted Cruz faces potentially damning Nickelback accusation
- Airplanes hit more turtles than drones
- Freeze Dried Poop Pills Tested as Solution for Reversing Obesity
- Physicists and Philosophers Hold Peace Talks
- Ohio judge uses verse to deny lawsuit
Outro Gag: Tearable Podcast
Here is the promised album of urinal wall graffiti.
*Music in this episode:
"Meatball Parade" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0*
After a brief vacation, the Mildly Alarming Boys come home to the studio rested, rejuvenated, and ready to say a bunch of dumb stuff. First, they take another swing at Hasbro (or maybe Parker Brothers) as they discuss what they might have done differently if they'd made Monopoly. Then it's on to a review of RARRR!!, a card game about giant monsters destroying cities. What do breakfast cereals have to do with it? Nothing. It was just a dumb joke for the title. Love us.
Intro gag:Comin' to ya live from a place with absolutely no furnaces, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a swarm of entirely unburnt baby animals, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode -2: Russia is a Landlocked Asian Nation
Segment 1: Remaking the Game--Monopoly
Episode Sponsor: Beets By Dre
Segment 2: Review--RARRR!!
You can read what other people think about RARRR!! on BoardGameGeek or purchase a copy for yourself on Amazon.
Outro Gag: Freddie and Dan's Friction-Style Clothing Store
The boys put on their Santa hats, jingle bells, and thigh-high leather gift-giving boots to bring to you the magic of their very own Christmas special. The first half deals with the tribulations of being and knowing board gamers around the holidays, while the second half... well, you'll just have to tune in to experience the splendid magic of the second half. Plus, a word from our sponsors, because Christmas is a capitalist shell-game. Oink oink, you bourgeoisie pigs.
Intro gag:Comin’ to ya live from Salsabon’s Pundricle, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always are a slempt of krevvid murlidoon, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 87 - From Kleptocracy to Egalitarianism: A Paradigm Shift in Modal Administrations
Segment 1: Tips for a Mildly Alarming Holiday
Episode Sponsor: Chest-Hair Charley's Toilet Wine
Segment 2: A Mildly Alarming Night Before Christmas
Chaos ensues as the time streams fracture and characters from the past emerge to wreak havoc once more. Can our heroes prevent a rupturing of the fabric of the universe, and the rise of a new dark overlord? Or will they become distracted by words that sound funny and early-90s rap music, and doom us all? Probably the second one.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from our new bee farm, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a complete failure to think this through, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 777: Checkmate, Atheists
Segment 1: Stop! Collaborate and Listen
Episode Sponsor: Len Keith
Segment 2: Restaurant Review - JR's Hometown Grill and Pub
Outro Gag: A Word From Your Hosts
Johannes lures another game designer into our lair and we talk about him and his games. In this case, it's Corey Young and his game Gravwell, but, if Tom is to be believed, it's Chip Beauvais for a second time (Tom is dumb). Corey tells us all about his design process, his expansion plans, and about designing for colorblind players, proving once again that our show is immeasurably improved by adding somebody who knows what they're talking about.
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from the Jellycaves, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always are terrible boysenbeasts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 2: The Child on the Tricycle
Segment 1: Review - Gravwell
Episode Sponsor: Gunchlin AsstroTec 38Q CleverPhone
Segment 2: Interview - Corey Young, Designer of Gravwell
Top Secret Superfast Mid-Segment Advertiser: Tuckle's Buckles
The company that makes board game conversions for blind players is 64 Oz. Games. You can find them on Twitter and on their website at www.64ouncegames.com.
Outro Gag: Agnes Crinklehorn's Fine China
Those podcast boys are at it again, wandering off into the weeds to talk about Snoop Dogg before themeballin' a couple of games. Then it's time for a play and review of tiny little wallet game North, South, East, Quest. Will Juan Calvo find the taco truck man? Will he manage to make his rap dreams come true? Does Snoop Dogg descend in light and fury from a flaming chariot to put an end to this farce with divine fire and sic rhymes? Listen in to find out!
Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from deep inside a sea turtle, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the grasping paw of Gary Smoolihan, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 62: Oh Daisies!
Segment 1: Themeballin'
Episode Sponsor: Burpapolis Podcast Remover
Segment 2: Review - North, South, East, Quest
Here's the Kickstarter page for the campaign that included Fever Chill, Smoke and Mirrors, and North, South, East, Quest.
Outro Gag: Peter Peedith's Perfect Post-Its
Music in this episode:
"Manic Polka" and "Electro Cabello" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
Success! Triumph! Glorious victory. We talk about what makes for a good victory condition, whether or not degrees of victory matter, and also methods you can use to compress your computer files. Then it's on to a game review, where we report on the intelligence we gathered infiltrating spy-themed games [redacted] and Codenames. Yes, Madame Secretary, we got the facts. No, Madame Secretary, no entanglements or complications. The Ukrainian girl? No... just another face in the line of duty...
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya’ live from a stately pleasure dome, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is Elizabeth Kublai-Ross, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 3d8+1: Deeply Confusing Callbacks
Segment 1: Winrars, Winrars, and Chicken Dinrars
- Are there universal characteristics to “winning” in tabletop games, or is it just “whatever this particular game defines it as?”
- Are different “degrees” of winning at all meaningful? For instance, if I say that scoring 10 points is a minor victory but 20 points is a major victory, does that matter even a little bit?
- Can there be a successful game that has a defined ending, but no winning?
Episode Sponsor: Paul Smenis Micro-erections
Mildly Alarming Reviews: [redacted] and Codenames
- The boys played a game called [redacted], in which spies sneak around an embassy and don't know what's going on. We also got in on the much-hyped Codenames. Were they games well-purchased? We'll tell you! We'll tell you more than you could ever want to know.
- [redacted] on Boardgamegeek
- Codenames on Boardgamegeek
Outro gag: Get Turnt with Johannes and Tom
Sometimes, a board game has a board that isn’t the same every time, and we ponder whether or not this is a good thing. Then it’s off to the races as we consider how different ways of determining statistically identical things might be different from one another. Plus advertisements for a local bar you’ll never go to and a device that guarantees your immediate death! The Mildly Alarming Podcast.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the Great Hall of Allergens, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is anaphylactic shock, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Wunty-Twun: Elektro-Calabash Mafia Jamboree
Segment 1: Modular Boards
- What are the benefits of modular boards?
- What are downsides of modular boards?
- What games use them particularly well? Poorly?
- Which shape is the best shape?
Episode Sponsor: Local Hellhole Bar & Grill
Segment 2: Chit Pull vs. Card Draw vs. Die Roll
- Statistically, these can be entirely equivalent to one another. Why, then, choose one over the other?
- Is there ever a situation where it's appropriate to roll a die to determine which kind of chit to draw, which in turn tells you how many cards (and from which deck) you should draw?
Outro Gag: Edgar T. Boonsfarthing's Artillery Beacons
We wrap our meaty forearms around Hasbro’s torso, invert them, and administer a devastating suplex as we discuss the things we would’ve done differently had we made Risk. Then we booze the news, because Tom couldn’t be bothered to write a goofy script about farm animals who don’t understand modern banking. Plus burning goats, majestic hair, and the quivering muscles of a thousand hirsuit men. The Mildly Alarming Podcast!
Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from where the wild men are, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always are a heaving sea of muscular pectorals, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode why=mx+b: A Quandary of Hypotheticals in D Minor
Segment 1: Remaking the Game: Risk
Episode Sponsor: TatChat with Beardy Pete Podcast
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News
- Sneaky butt-toucher on the loose, police say
- Opening of all-decaf coffee shop in Manhattan met with horror, outrage
- Canada Has a Burger Stuffed With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
- IKEA Christmas Goat self-destructs and is reduced to ashes in a matter of seconds
- Ontario hospital sends man with memory loss to unconfirmed address in cab
Outro Gag: ScatChat with Beardy Pete Podcast
Music in this episode:
"RetroFuture Clean" by Kevin McLeod (Incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
The boys are thinkin’ Lincoln this week as they podcast from their new studio which is, inexplicably, inside a church. This leads into a partnership with the God Talk podcast, discussions of real-time games and player elimination, and a lengthy debate about Robin College, which is where certain types of birds go to learn about old books (No it isn’t—Ed.) Plus, an advertisement for meat and a reminder to be patriotic in the podcasts you listen to.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the constellation Ursa Minor Citrus, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are tiny yellow bears, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 91: Oh Grethp, Ye Greppid Slaps, Ploonder Us in Thine Qropid Farps
Segment 1: REAL TIME!
In this segment, Tom is insistent that Batman's sidekick Robin is "nubile". I'll just leave this definition here and let you decide what that means. -J
nu·bile#
ˈn(y)o͞oˌbīl,ˈn(y)o͞oˌbəl/
adjective
- (of a girl or young woman) sexually mature; suitable for marriage.
synonyms: sexually mature; + (of a girl or young woman) sexually attractive.
"he employed a procession of nubile young secretaries"
Episode Sponsor: Meat Brand Meat
Segment 2: PLAYER ELIMINATION!
Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Pledge
Programming games, unorthodox mechanics, and the Protestant Reformation. What more could you want?
Intro: Comin' to ya' live from a malignant version of Idaho, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are evil little potato men, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode -3: Don't Frown, Brown Clown: Downtown Browntown!
Segment 1: Programming Games
Episode Sponsor: Old Champ Anabolic Steroids
Segment 2: Weird, Wild, and Unorthodox Mechanics
Outro Gag: Emergency Podcast System
Music in this epidsode:
"Crossing the Divide" by Kevin McLeod (Incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
This week - or is it last week? Or maybe next week? THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW! Whenever it happens, though, we sort of almost talk about microgames, and then we Booze with the News. And stay tuned to the end for a sneak peak at the upcoming season of Crime Mummy!
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from a game of laser tag, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is that one guy who's WAY too into it, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast.
Segment 1: Microgames## Episode Sponsor: Weathercorn's Moustache Goblins
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News
While we normally have the articles referenced here, Tom never sent me the links to the articles he used, so you'll never know where any of them came from. Don't blame me; my hands are tied.
Outro Gag: Crime Mummy
Music in this episode:
"Private Eye" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
The boys start off by talking about that most lovely of events: the game day. Who to invite, what snacks to prepare, and where to bury the bodies of those who wronged you all feature heavily in this laugh-a-minute segment. Then it’s off to the races with a discussion of whether specific elements are better than generalized things. In general, they conclude that specific things are better, but in specific cases general things are superior. So nothing of value is said, nor is any conclusion reached.
Par for the course, really.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from a huge lake of chocolate milk, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are dozens of chocolate milk sharks, and this is the MIldly Alarming Podcast. Episode 71: The Beard of Brave Palcho and Other Stories
Segment 1: How to Host a Game Day
Gary Smoolihan's home address is
Garroldine Q. Smoolihan
827 S. Terrapin Blvd.
Apt. 8
Sea Turtle Cove, FL
Episode Sponsor: Toddsby Willinker's Transparent Wall Parts
Segment 2: Specificity vs. Generality
FARTS FARTS FARTS FARTS FARTS
Does anyone even read this?
Outro Gag: Cat Food Brand Dog Food brand potbelly pig food
Music in this episode:
"Theme for Harold (Var. 2)" and "Wallpaper" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
This week, everything goes wrong again. Apparently 32 episodes hasn't been enough time for us to figure this crap out. We talk about app integration in board games, the importance (or lack thereof) of component quality in game prototypes, and probably an unreasonable amount about poop. Don't act like you didn't expect it.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the salted ruins of the 5 Minute Geek Show, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is NO, WE HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN. And this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 38 1/4: Secret Communism
Segment 1: App Integration
Episode Sponsor 1: Dale Cox
Segment 2: Prototype Quality
Episode Sponsor 2/Outro Gag: Murton Banks
Music in this episode:
"Waunobe March" and "Montauk Point" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0
Grab your popcorn and a liter of Mountain Dew Slushy, 'cause it's time for an evening at the Mildly Alarming Theater. After last week's content-heavy episode, we figured we'd waste all of your time this week with a virtually content-free one. Keep an ear out for our special guest, AN ACTUAL TRAIN.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the Fire Swamp, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are just... just regular sized rodents... they're just normal. They're just the regular size. And this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast! Episode 99: Look at the Fruit Bat!
Segment 1: Trumpity Trump Trump Trump Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theatre - Noah and the HOA Segment 3: Booze 'n the News 1. Researchers Say Women Less Likely Than Men to Kill Hitler, if They Could Travel Back in Time 2. Teachers and Gamers Agree: 'Slave Tetris' Isn't How You Educate Kids About Slavery 3. Man killed during test drive of souped-up golf cart, cops say 4. Tree Counter Is Astonished By How Many Trees There Are 5. Texas Attorney General Sues Self To Stop Self From Releasing Documents He Says Can't Be Released 6. Russian Town Besieged by Hungry Bears 7. Meth Charge Dropped After Only Spaghetti Sauce Found On Spoon 8. Dolphins are Vicious Animals and No One Should Ever Give Birth in the Water With Them 9. Rhyl Woman was 'Killed by Piece of Toast'
Segment 4: Mildly Alarming Theatre - Is This the Government? Outro Gag: Scary Larry's Hairy Berries
The universe conspires to keep us from talking about this incredibly important topic, but, after not one, but two podcast recording disasters, we finally got it down. Now, at long last, you can hear us completely rip off someone else's content for an hour as we discuss procrastination!
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the Emerald Isle, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are a bunch of shirtless jump dancers, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 4: Outlaw Thug Parade
Segments 1 & 2: Procrastination All of this content has been shamelessly ripped off of Tim Urban over at waitbutwhy.com. If you're like us, you'd probably much rather spend twenty minutes reading it than an hour listening to someone talk about it on their podcast, so here are some convenient links for you to do just that:
- Why Procrastinators Procrastinate
- How to Beat Procrastination
- The Procrastination Matrix
Episode Sponsor: Durryl's Sweaty Shirts
Outro Gag: Eddie Brass's Masses of Asses
Music in this Episode:
"Drankin Song" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Engine Building, Eye of Argon, Soup, Spaceships, and hair/sandwich products. These are the clues - can you solve the mystery?
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from Kodiak Island, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are bears... but not the kind you're thinking of, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast! Episode 22: Be Careful When Googling That One
Segment 1: Engine Building Episode Sponsor 1: Luster Mustard
Segment 2: Eye of Argon Wikipedia - Eye of Argon
Episode Sponsor 2: Soup!
Segment 3: Away Team Outro Gag: Unusual Funding
Music in this Episode:
"Life of Riley" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
"Plain Loafer" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
For the first time ever, we allow other living beings to sit behind the mics with us and talk about... whatever it is that we talk about. First, a real live Harpy tells us about her disgusting cloaca, and then something called a Gobbo talks about Exploding Kittens. It's a real weird episode.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the Birdcave, I'm Katie Grzesiak and with me as always is my parrot sidekick, Tiberius, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 79: Parrot Noise
Segment 1: Cloacae! You can find all the information you ever wanted about SlugFest Games' Red Dragon Inn right here!
You can also check out the Good Job Brain podcast at www.goodjobbrain.com. FARTIS (the name of their non-copyright-infringing Doctor Who-inspired time machine) stands for Fancy And Ridiculous Time Interloper System.
Episode Sponsor: Mr. Pippy's Skin Drying Cream
Segment 2: Exploding Kittens Here, we talk with guest Gobbo about the recently-released Kickstarter monstrosity, Exploding Kittens.
With art and comedyjokes by The Oatmeal's Matthew Inman, Exploding Kittens pretty much blew up the Internet Hype Machine. Now the game is actually out for you to play, and we played it. Listen to find out whether we loved it or hated it or thought it was OK!
Outro Gag: Clive Jorpsby
Music in this episode:
"Wallpaper" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
This week! An interview with Chip Beauvais of Chroma Cubes fame about his new game, Smoke & Mirrors. Then we give our own review of Smoke & Mirrors and discuss our fear of Kickstarter. Gin is imbibed throughout, and Tom probably swallows loudly into the microphone at least once, because he is a monster.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the badminton championships, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with my as always are some kinda' feathery balls, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 111: Disaster Toilet Control
Segment 1: Interview with Chip Beauvais Chip can be found on twitter at @the_FlyingSheep and on the web at flyingsheep.com.
His Kickstarter for Smoke & Mirrors (combined, as discussed in the episode, with two other games for one big, exciting three-game Kickstarter) can be found here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/239309591/button-shy-wallet-game-series-3-micro-games
Episode Sponsor: Uncle Pepperdin's Fleezius Bermjax
Segment 2: Smoke & Mirrors Gameplay. Also, Kickstarter Outro Gag: The Mildly Alarming Podcast is made possible by an unlocked door at the recording studio, a series of easily guessed passwords and security questions, and Johannes' ability to subdue a security guard by just flexing until the veins in his neck get all bulgy and gross.
Music in this episode:
"Clear Waters" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Johannes and Tom discuss their love of Arkham Horror after a not-so-brief foray into the world of people named Quaid. Why? We don't know either. Then, Mildly Alarming Theater returns with a segment featuring Shawn Konneree!
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the moon, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are Neil Armstrong's brood of half-lunerian children, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 57: The Kevin Slurps at Midnight.
Segment 1: Arkham Horror Strange Eons
Episode Sponsor: SuperClog Constipating Yogurt
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Nuclear Launch Detected Outro Gag: Stanley Crumbleton's Eleventh Goats
Music in this episode:
"Cool Hard Facts" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Hidden information! Dopamine! LL Cool J! It's an episode of mystery, intrigue, and hot raps!
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from Gary Smoolihan's House, I'm Johannes Stauffer, and with me as always is room upon room of Thomas the Tank Engine memorabilia, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 9: Toot Toot!
Segment 1: Hidden Information Chip Beauvais (@the_FlyingSheep)
We'll link to the Kickstarter page for Smoke and Mirrors once it goes live.
Episode Sponsor: The Krothmann Hospital and Health System
Segment 2: The Dopamine Cycle This segment courtesy of Uwe Eickert of Academy Games.
Outro Gag: Carpslap Auto Parts
Music in this episode:
"Interloper" and "Dvorak Polka" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
This week we talk about Rubber Duck Debugging as it applies to board games. Or, at least, we try to, and then devolve rapidly into a discussion about cloacae. Then Mildly Alarming Theater returns for a look into the life of a Presidential Biographer.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the National Windowless Van Association Owners' Meeting, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are more or less exactly the guys you would expect, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 39: Trimalchio in West Egg.
Segment 1: Rubber Duck Debugging * www.rubberduckdebugging.com * Wikipedia's article on Rubber Duck Debugging * Randy Hoyt (@randyhoyt) * Scott Meyer - Basic Instructions
Episode Sponsor: Lightning Larry's Lightning-fast Customer Support
Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater Outro Gag: Spastickia
Music in this episode:
"Monkeys Spinning Monkeys" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
"Buddy" (www.bensound.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
We went to Protospiel. It was great. We talk about it. A lot.
Intro Gag Comin' to ya' live from the Vatican, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the secret lizard-person who controls the Papacy, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 41: Hands!
Segment 1: Protospiel Shout outs (shouts out?):
- Seth Allison @sethallisondev
- Jonathan Chaffer @unclejonbob - BGG
- Accidental Cyclops @FunWithOneEye
- Michael Brandl - BGG
- Josh Sprung - BGG
- Joe Hoskins
- David Spitzley
- Uwe (and Gunter) Eickert @Academy_Games - BGG
Episode Sponsor Sprinkles the Clown
Segment 2: This Soup is an Awful Cake The article that inspired this segment is from Daniel Solis' blog.
Outro Gag: Tom and Johannes
Music in this episode:
"Waltz of the Carnies" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
A discussion of drastically simplified rules in games, with a focus on the new Warhammer: Age of Sigmar release. Also, Tom tells us how he really feels about Texas.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from inside Johannes's fridge, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are fresh mushrooms, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 18: Clarthok at Bahoon: A Love Story
Segment 1: Oversimplification? Warhammer: Age of Sigmar Rules
Episode Sponsor: Winslow-Murris Combination Mower-Chipper-Shredder-Trimmer
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News
- Cat terrorizes a neighborhood
- Vampires Keep Doctors in the Dark
- Man charged for driving with 2 mannequins in HOV lane
- GIant Butt Touring the US
- Florida wildlife officials looking for tattooed woman seen riding sea turtle
- Wisconsin Drunkest State in All Measurable Ways (original study from Detox.net)
- Fire in Lake Lagunita causes evacuations in Narnia, Enchanted Broccoli Forest
- Man Shoots Down Neighbor's Hexacopter in Drone Shotgun Battle
Outro Gag: Big Ol' Pit O' Snakes
Music in this Episode:
"Enter the Party" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Mildly Alarming Theater returns! We also talk about Metagaming in the first half, and Tom monologues about the Fourth of July in the second while Johannes sits in relative silence. And we have a special prize for the first person who makes it through this week's advertisement without vomiting!
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from West Philadelphia, I'm Johannes Stauffer, and with me as always is a couple of guys who are up to no good, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 71: Parents Just Don't Understand (Gettin' Jiggy With It)
Segment 1: Metagaming Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Horse Swords Segment 3: Fireworks! Episode Sponsor: SoftQuatch Bigfoot Shampoo
Music in this Episode:
"The Rule" and "Unwritten Return"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
In this episode we discuss the Platonic Ideal of the Creative Process, and also how salty Play-Doh tastes. Wikisleuth returns to the podcast in the second segment, and Gary Smoolihan appears behind you and starts rubbing your shoulders just when you thought you could finally feel safe again in your own home.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the inside of a butthole, I'm Tom Rich, and with me as always is poop! And this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 4: Feast of the Dicklehorn
Segment 1: The Creative Process## Episode Sponsor: Lactose Larry's Odball Dairy
Segment 2: Wikisleuth Revisited Here's the Shut Up and Sit Down article where they talk about Linknotize.
Outro Gag: Sea Turtle PSA
Music in this episode:
"Parisian" and "Bushwick Tarantella"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Doody. Caca. Number 2. Dooker. Chud. Fudge Dragon. Sewer Snake. Code Brown. Chocolate Turkey? Listen, we talk about poop a lot in this episode. We may also mention something about how number of players effects board games, but it's really mostly about Cocoa Pebbles.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from Uncle Meefly's Wooden Leg, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a compartment for an egg, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 72: What is not a metal peg?
Segment 1: Number of Players Episode Sponsor: Teeter Weets
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News * Japan Mulls Emergency Toilets in Elevators * Broncos enforce fart tax in meetings, Von Miller is fined most frequently * North Dakota Town is Running Short on Poop * Woman attacked by runaway cow in Lerwick * Shameless Pig Poops Inside Police Cruiser and Has No Regrets About It * Florida Man Claims He Danced on Patrol Vehicle to Save Children from Vampires
Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Airlines
Music in this episode:
"Airport Lounge" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
"Light Thought var 1" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Who is Pat, and why are his adventures so very fanciful? Is this a new board game concept that the boys discuss on their board game podcast? Tune in this week to find out!
Intro Gag: Comin's to ya' from inside your house, I'm Tom Rich and would you please bring some toilet paper to the upstairs bathroom? And this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 89: Seriously, though - I gotta' wipe.
Segment 1: Theme and Function (plus Fanciful Pat Adventures!)## Episode Sponsor: The Mildly Alarming Podcast in a Parallel Dimension
Segment 2: Cookin' with Clowns - Grilling! Johannes actually has a 24" Weber grill, and on most days recognizes that 36 inches is the same thing as three feet.
Also, those birds are Magpies, not Kookaburras.
**Outro Gag:
This week's episode might as well have been a recording of any one of our conversations, mics or no. Seriously, the dearth of actual content in this episode is appalling. Who is allowing us to put this stuff on the internet? Whatever agency is in charge of policing podcasts needs to get their act together. C'mon, people. This is getting ridiculous.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from your morning BM, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is mystery bits of corn, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 100: No Bottom; Just More Barrel
Segment 1: Introducing New People/Board games to New Board Game/People The Insane Clown Posse joke we reference in this segment is from standup comedian Kevin McCaffrey. You can find him on Twitter @KevinMcCaff or on his own website at kevin-mccaffrey.com. He also has his own podcast at www.collegestories.org.
Episode Sponsor: The Law Offices of Mildly, Alarming, and Podcast
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News * How Much Alcohol is Too Much? * Man wielding banana robs market, "peels away," say cops * Mysterious Giant Sharks May Be Everywhere * Self-parking Volvo ploughs into journalists after owner neglects to pay for extra feature that stops cars crashing into people * Why People are Trying to Talk to Demons * Peta calls for 'Britain’s oldest pub' to change name from Ye Olde Fighting Cocks and celebrate 'intelligent, sensitive chickens' * Nickleback Has 'Most Sophisticated' Lyrics in Rock, Analyst Says * Poop Falls From Sky and Ruins Sweet 16 Party, Family Says * Life is Hard for Incredibly Handsome Men
Outro Gag: Epilogue
Music in this episode:
"Interloper" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
"String Impromptu Number 1" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
This week has it all! Epic tales of glory and adventure; grizzled men racing across an arid wasteland in search of gasoline; wife fights! You have to listen to experience it all. Do it! Do it now!
Intro Gag:
Tom: Comin' to ya' live from a post-apocalyptic wasteland full of vehicular mayhem, I'm Tom Rich, and...
Johannes: Oh my God, stop talking about Fury Road.
Episode 38: Fury Road is so good, you guys!
Segment 1: Games from Childhood - Sagaland
Segment 1.5: Game Components and Artwork
Episode Sponsor: Toilet Paper
Segment 2: Disagreement box - Wife Fight!
Outro Gag: Next week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast
Music in this episode:
"Buddy" from bensound.com
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
This week, the boys make up for last week's content-heavy episode by following every single rabbit trail they possibly can. Wanna' hear about our asparagus pee? Then this is the episode for you! Briefly mentioned as well are the use of keywords and iconography in game design, and our review of Dog Might Games' Livestock Uprising.
Intro Gag: Intro: Comin' to ya live from wherever, I'm one of the guys that does the thing and with me as always is the other guy, and this is the thing. Episode Number: Podcast
Segment 1: Iconography and Keywords The designer of Risk Legacy is Rob Daviau. His next Legacy-style game, set to be released sometime in 2015, is called SeaFall. You can read more about it at the Plaid Hat Games website and on Board Game Geek.
Episode Sponsor: Rick Poosta's Used Podcasts
Segment 2: Livestock Uprising Review We liked it. If you want more context than that, listen to the episode. What do you think this is?
For more information on Livestock Uprising (and lots of pictures of game components and whatnot, not to mention a How to Play video), check out the Livestock Uprising website.
Outro Gag: A Truck!
Music in this episode:
"River Valley Breakdown" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Strap on your thinking caps and take your Ritalin, 'cause this one is content-heavy. First we talk about Hero, a pen-and-paper RPG we're working on. Then, we play a German board game where cowboys look for gold in a desert. Also, there is a dump truck.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from a shack in the hills somewhere in the Old West, I'm Tom Rich, and with me as always is an elderly prospector, and this it the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 3962: The Ice Man Cometh
Segment 1: Hero Episode Sponsor: Beardsley Q. Meatpuff's Lord of the God Kings
Segment 2: Games From Childhood - Eureka! Here's our board about halfway through the game. We'd embed the image, but Simplecast doesn't let you use HTML or Markdown to resize images, and we want you to be able to zoom in and see the detail.
Outro Gag: The Extremely Alarming Podcast
Music in this episode:
Battle of Kings by Per Kiilstofte
Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International
Our dashing heroes take a detour from their usual topics to talk about hair. Johannes describes the regimen that produces his lustrous pelt, which includes no less than six lather and rinse cycles, while Tom tells an amusing anecdote about growing a beard. Then it's on to a list of the top ten best shampoo/conditioner combos, and finally the lads affirm that they are, in fact, Dapper Dan men. Also, briefly mentioned is the concept of luck mitigation in board gaming.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from inside of a sea turtle, I'm Johannes Stauffer, and with me as always is the hand of Gary Smoolihan, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 88: A Terrapin Melange.
Segment 1: Luck Mitigation If you enjoyed this segment's topic, you should check out the Board Game Hour podcast over at http://www.boardgamehour.co.uk/, since we flagrantly stole it from them.
Episode Sponsor: Gary Smoolihan's Meatball Parade
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News * Texas' Top Officer: Snoop Dogg a "Dope Smoking Pot Smoker" * Family Gets $17,000 Internet Bill for Movie Download on Trip to Canada * Kentucky Company Makes KFC Double Down-scented Candle * Scientists Say Smelling Farts Prevents Cancer * Florida Man Tries to Cash Check for $368 Billion
Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Radio News
Music in this episode: "Meatball Parade" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
Our intrepid podcasters delve into hidden traitor mechanics: what they are, what makes them tick, and when they are and are not fun. Then, in the second half of the show, they take a look back at all that's come so far. Or their last nine episodes. One of the two.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from your gross cousin's internet search history, my name's Tom Rich and with me as always is not nearly enough brain bleach, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 63: The Trial of Gary Smoolihan.
Check out 64 Oz Games on Twitter or at their website.
Proof of the lie that is "Matt Stauffer":
Segment 1: The Hidden Traitor Mechanic We talk about some stuff here?
Episode Sponsor: Ordinary Jim's
Segment 2: 10th Episode Retrospectravaganza! We talk about more stuff here!
Outro Gag: Join the Mildly Alarmy!
The Five Minute Geek Show is typically around 8 minutes long and about something that no self-respecting geek would ever brush the Cheeto dust from his fingers to discuss. In this bonus episode, your Mildly Alarming hosts demonstrate what a real 5 Minute Geek Show would sound like.
For further reading on whether Star Wars or Star Trek would win in a fight, try this surprisingly detailed essay.
And here's a YouTube clip of Worf, Riker, and Picard being snarky about laser weapons: https://youtu.be/w4JUxQe4P4g?t=19
The theme song for this episode was composed by Matt Stauffer and performed by Johannes Stauffer using only his voice and some wax paper wrapped around a comb.
In this instance of the Mildly Alarming Podcast, the boys discuss a potential mechanic and game ideas for a little while before descending into doodie humor. If that doesn't drive you screaming into the hills, stick around for two new segments: Wrong About Books and Mildly Alarming Theater.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the deepest depths of outer space, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the bleak and endless void, ever wanting but never sated, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 90: A Machine-gun Full of Vodka
Segment 1: Laziness Mechanic Don't Sh*t Your Pants Flash Game
Episode Sponsor 1: The Gary Smoolihan Show
Segment 2: Wrong About Books This week we introduce a new segment in which Tom tells you why you're wrong about books. Enjoy being wrong! About books.
Episode Sponsor 2: That Empty Feeling Inside
Segment 3: Mildly Alarming Theater As you may recall, a few episodes ago we discussed a theft of $70,000 worth of bull semen in the Booze 'n the News segment. Tom wrote a piece about how that might have gone down in his as-yet-unpublished blog post for that episode. This is a theatrical reading of that piece. Enjoy!
Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Dream Vacation
Our first installment of "Mildly Alarming Plays a Boardgame". We play through Lakebilly Card Game from Dog Might Games and reminisce about our childhood. Because of the theme of the game in question, this one gets a little more blue than our usual stuff. We edited out our own swears, but there are still some foul words and adult themes in the game text itself that we left in a) for clarity and b) because my 8th grade teacher told me it's not swearing if it's a quote. Consider yourself warned.
We got these games and generally cool swag from the very generous fellows over at Dog Might Games.
In this bit, we play Lakebilly, which you can find over at www.lakebillycardgame.com
This week's episode starts off with a first look at another new game concept in which trolls fight dragons for pigs and/or gold. The second segment sees the return of Booze 'n the News, where we discuss hard hitting topics from coffee-drinking parrots to Tom's tiny p... err... flip phone. Also, we drink gin.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from inside of an old boot, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is Toe Fungus, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 109: Those're Some Fat Tires!
Segment 1: Trolls vs. Dragons Here's the first draft of the Trolls vs. Dragons rules we were working from while recording.
And here's the second draft with a few minor changes we've made since the show.
Episode Sponsor: Bitcoin (not really, though)
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News Here are the articles referenced in this week's Booze 'n the News segment:
- Redhead banned from school for being too ginger
- Flip phone user asks the Internet how he can ask for girls’ numbers without feeling like a loser
- Police: Woman blames coffee-drinking parrot for car crash
- OED literally redefine ‘literally’ to mean ‘literally’ and ‘not literally’ both at the same time
- 14 Words That Are Their Own Opposites
Outro Gag: Podcast Travel Warning
In this episode, we discuss how board games can be educational and if there is any value to making a distinction between regular games and educational ones. Then we switch gears and talk about the news of the day, because when you think important, hard-hitting commentary on the great issues of our time, you think Tom and Johannes's board game podcast.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from 12,000 years in the future, I'm the unfrozen head of Johannes Stauffer, and with me as always is the partially-defrosted left patella of MIkhail Gorbachev, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 27: Yes, Isaac, We Know These Episode Numbers Don't Match Up.
Segment 1: Educational Games We're actually very fond of The Five Minute Geek Show and its host is a delightful man.
Here are the articles we discussed in the EduGames segment:
Educational video games can boost motivation to learn
Fact or Fiction?: Video Games Are the Future of Education
Newell sees no distinction 'between games and educational games'
The Book Johannes referenced that mentioned the James Earl Jones Effect is The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.
Episode Sponsor: Clicky Keyboards
Segment 2: Booze 'n the News And here are the ones we discussed in the Booze n' the News segment. I've kept the headlines secret to preserve the surprise for listeners.
Article the First (Moderately not safe for work)
Article the Second (Safe for work)
Outro Gag: Like a Rock
There was no time to make an intro from scratch, so the intro music for this week's "Booze 'n the News" segment is courtesy of SoundBible.com user Maximilien.
In this episode, our heroes discuss making board games more inclusive before spending half an hour critiquing the allergies of an actual person. The color blind, the allergic, and the tasteful will all find something to hate about the hosts by the end of this one.
Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from the astral corpse of a dead god, my name's Tom and with me as always is the concept of grief made incarnate, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 12: Not That Mayonnaise!
Segment 1: Inclusivity in Board Games Episode Sponsor: Jeremy's Own brand paper towels
Segment 2: Alphonso's Allergies Outro Gag: NPR Sign-Off: Mildly Alarming Productions
Warning: The content in this episode is a bit less family friendly than in past episodes and - while most of the questionable language is censored with delightful chicken noises - you may want to take a pass on the second segment if that's not your speed.
This week we talk about the Karate Kid for two and half minutes before we even begin to touch on any real content. Eventually, we move on to a gripping discussion of our game design process, a conversation we hope will help other fledgling designers to fine tune their own processes, and veterans of the industry to experience measureless mirth at our many and varied mistakes. The second section allows a brief and potentially horrifying glimpse into our broken, addled minds as we turn on the mics during a discussion of sex scenes in sci-fi/fantasy books.
It's classy, professional content.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, I'm Tom, and with me as always is some sort of green space lady, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 32: Uhhhhhhhh... F**K.
Segment 1: Our Deeply Flawed Design Process A note from Johannes: I realized this morning as I was listening through the show to make sure it uploaded properly that, in the second half, Tom references multiplying negative numbers, not adding them, and that in the correct context my response makes no sense at all. I will leave my silly mistake in the show for three reasons:
- So you, the listener, can feel superior to me in your knowledge of math(s).
- As further proof that I don't listen when Tom speaks.
- Because, at this point, it would just be more work to edit it out, and I am nothing if not apathetic.
-Johannes
Episode Sponsor: The Wayne Krothmann Institute of Technology
Segment 2: Sex Scenes in SciFi/Fantasy Outro Gag: Peanut allergy warning
The Mildly Alarming Podcast is also available on Stitcher. Click here to listen on Stitcher and, if you enjoy the show, take a second to leave a rating/review.
The music under the Krothmann Institute advert is "Happiness", courtesy of www.bensound.com.
Seriously, so much freeway noise.
Buckle up, kids; this is a long one. In this episode, we discuss the different player types you are likely to encounter while boardgaming, and drunkenly bumble our way through an article on the efficacy of different card shuffling methods. Tom's house is nearly shaken to pieces by passing traffic, Johannes says "interesting" more times than he can count, and poop is referenced more than can really be considered professional. It's a wild ride.
Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the gullet of a Tyrousian Bileworm, I'm Johannes Stauffer, and with me as always is the partially-digested husk of the man I once loved, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 62: The Gleaming, Golden Cornfields of My Youth.
Segment 1: Player Types Here' a link to Strange Eons, the tool we discussed for creating new character and item cards for Arkham Horror. Since we last used it, it has been expanded to include templates for other games and a focus on ground-up game design.
The game Tom was talking about with different generals and resource allocation is Memoir '44.
You can find more information on the official Memoir '44 at Days of Wonder and at Board Game Geek.
You can find Dog Eat Dog at the publisher's website here, and learn more about it by watching this episode of Shut Up & Sit Down.
12 Best Cats:
- Fluffy
- Mittens
- Precious
- Buttons
- Mr. Fuzzy
- Consuela
- Princess Contessa Louisa Franchesca Bananafanafofesca III
- Boots
- Nibbler
- Tigger
- Paul
- Mouser
Episode Sponsor: Jimmigan's Double-Honey Spruce Gum!
Segment 2: Everyday I'm Shuffling The article we reference in the Game Mechanic section is Everyday I'm Shuffling from Dojo of Lies.
As of this week, the show is also available on Stitcher. Click here to listen on Stitcher and, if you enjoy the show, take a second to leave a rating/review.
Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Drug Ad
On today's episode we delve into games we like and games we don't like so much, some of the reasons why we feel that way, and the etymology of the word "maths". In the Game Mechanics section, we fall off the wagon only three episodes in by talking about rule books, which aren't really a mechanic at all. Thrill as Johannes drinks a G&T and Tom doesn't so much because he has to drive home.
Also! A word from our sponsor.
It's more exciting than it sounds.
Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from the Tomb of Horrors, my name is Tom and with me as always is the skeletal remnant of a demigod archlich, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Grape: W.
Segment 1: Games We Love & Games We Hate Episode Sponsor: Gribbly's
Segment 2: Rule Books We don't have anything to link to this episode, so check out the funniest subreddit I've seen in a long, long time: http://www.reddit.com/r/me_irl
In this episode, our discussion is lost to the endless and unforgiving void as some sort of interference borks the first 40 minutes of the show. We also talk about the next steps in developing Wikisleuth, a game based on the Wikipedia mechanic we spitballed in the last episode. As a very special treat, we've included a tremendous amount of background noise from the major expressway no more than 25 feet from our microphones.
Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from my parents' basement, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a pile of Cheeto dust the size and shape of a grown man, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 462: Strom Thurmond: The Musical.
We haven't really settled on whether we want this to be an hour-long podcast or not, so chime in on twitter, by email, or in the comments to let is know what you prefer: hour-long episodes where we discuss multiple topics, or single-topic episodes that last 15-20 minutes.
Wikisleuth Rules (1st Draft) - This version of the rules was compiled from the original email and the content of the episode after the fact, so it will differ slightly from what we discuss. We have every confidence in the intelligence of our listeners and trust that they will apply their critical problem solving skills to overcome any confusion that may arise as a result. Or just ask a question in the comments; that works too.
For a written transcript of this episode in .doc format, click this link.
In our first episode we discuss video game addiction, brown recluse spiders, and an idea for a game mechanic that uses Wikipedia as an integral part of play. Tom barely contains his rage at strangers on the internet and Johannes boards the ADHD train to Incoherencyville.
Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from deep within the earth's molten core, my name's Tom and with me as always is a pile of babies in a trench coat pretending to be a full-grown man, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 108: Honor of the Elf King.
Cracked.com: 5 Ways Video Game Addiction Is Ruining Gaming
To download the written transcript of this episode in .doc format, click here.