Hold My Iced Coffee: Recent Episodes
Cindy Felkel
A podcast which encourages people to be honest about how messy and hard life can be. We laugh a lot and encourage people to overcome shame and isolation through connecting with each other's stories. We believe our connected stories show God's heart for all of us. He never offered us a pass on problems. He did promise he'd give us value, courage and purpose in our beautiful, messy, hard lives.
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In this episode, Jennifer Wheland shares her journey of dealing with her daughter's cancer. Join us for this vulnerable and encouraging interview which will connect you with her heart and give you hope for seeing a bigger purpose in all our struggles. The community of Mamas she talks about is exactly what God intends for all of our pain. When we are vulnerable with each other about our pain, it connects us to the painful human experience we all share. Some stories, like dealing with cancer are much tougher than others, but there is beauty in the connections we find. I hope you listen to this story, cry a little, (it shows your connection with the pain of others) laugh and take courage from this Mom's story and her heart for helping others on their journeys.
You can support families in RI dealing with childhood cancer through the Tomorrow Fund
Transcript:
Welcome everyone to Hold My Iced Coffee podcast. We are very excited today. I'm just over the moon to have Jennifer Wheeland here. She is someone who… She's dancing. You can't see that right now, but she's someone who really refreshes. She refreshes the soul and you're going to get to experience that too. There's going to be a time of refreshing. She is high energy, but she's a wise soul and it just oozes out of her pores. You're gonna you're gonna love this so we're going to get right into it. She is, I know her through a mutual friend, Patty and she’s spoken so highly of you and I've I've gotten to see your if it's OK to say your I've heard some of your singing. I've heard you know who what you're all about and I've just loved it and I'm so glad that we can make contact with each other. We know that you are a Rockstar Mom, you are a musician, a singer and so talented and what you do. Talented events planner and we are in a great friend. You know someone who you would want to grab coffee with. And want to just know and say I am so thankful that you're in the world. You have such warmth and you know you took on a role. Jenn, that you never expected. So first we just want to say thank you and welcome to hold my ice coffee
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Cindy shares a story of how she and her husband had the same argument for decades until she decided to "jump off of the hamster wheel" and try something different. She really listened! What she discovered has the power to change all of our relationships, even the way we see ourselves. It is also the hope of getting past the divisiveness in our country right now. We hope you will listen and join the conversation. We'd love to listen to what you have to say!
Quotes:
I can't fully listen to people without judgment and… or a defensiveness of myself if I don't understand how much God loves me. Or maybe I should say, the more I grow in understanding the better I get at being able to fully listen to people because. Like you know I said that thing about that. You don't throw…or that when people throw shit at you. It's because they're staying in a pile of it. Well, if we want to get rid of our own stuff, then it comes from our security being around how much God loves us. The more secure we are the less we need to defend ourselves. and the more it's OK to be uncomfortable with somebody else’s pain
A friend of mine, her child died and it was tragic and it was incredibly hard. I was really surprised by some people's reactions to her daughter's death. Several people told me things like that they couldn't go to the funeral because it hurt them too much. There was too much fear for them to see a child that died because they had their own children. And I get that and I'm not trying to be too condemning of people for that. I was just surprised. It really made me think about, that a lot of people were afraid to reach out to my friend because of the fear of it happening to them. They didn't want to think about it. You know and it was hard. There's something in us when we see other people’s pain, there's a part of us that just reacts with this fear, to face whatever it is that that person is going through. We just want to be like that can't happen to me right? And the problem is, that when we feel like that can't happen to me, we make religious excuses that isolate that person in their pain. But they also hurt us because, we are going to experience pain. And we're going to have bad things that happen to us and make other people uncomfortable. And, if we think that denying it and you know, ignoring it somehow helps, or that's the appropriate way to shield ourselves from that fear, we miss out on the connection with each other. We also miss out on God's heart for this world when we are suffering. And I just really believe the more that we know that, the more we can walk through other people's pain with them. And it's a beautiful honor. Every time somebody shares their pain with me, it's not easy. But it's just… it's so incredible and I think it helps to understand that people push us away during our pain from… because of their own fear. But it also helps us confront it in ourselves, that none of that is from God. I mean he never promised. You know, like any of these horrible things, he never promised that he would free us from life. He said he would give us fullness and walk with us through all of those problems. Whatever comes our way. Then we get to comfort other people with the comfort he gave us. And so. All of that goes back to deeply listening to people. And we don't have to have the answer…to
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fix anything, we just get to be there and kind of just listen and understand. Because fixing anything… that's God's job.
The article I referred to about how we are not as far apart as we think.
https://perceptiongap.us/
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People think of self-compassion as soft. Instead, it is how we treat ourselves — and our kids are watching. Cindy and Elaina delve into how being created in the image of God and having inherent value transforms our parenting. Self-compassion helps us and our kids be more successful, at peace and take more risks. So how do we do that? They share 3 “Hold My Iced Coffee Sips” to help us practice self-compassion in parenting.
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Wesley Pennington talks about fighting racism from his unique perspective as a black man, police officer and preacher.
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Sheila shares how she felt when she found out about George Floyd being killed. She talks about all of the other grief the black community has been wrestling with and the hope she is finding.
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Cindy and Elaina discuss Cindy's book and the lessons she learned through writing it. All of which apply to our current struggles as we face the uncertainties of society, post Covid 19 shutdown.
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Elaina and Cindy discuss the struggles of dealing with the Covid 19 quarantine. Ways we find hope and healing as our lives have been thrown into chaos. We share an unscripted, edited only for length, discussion of what life has been like for us and what we are learning, and grateful for.
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In this episode, we begin with focusing on the corona virus and people's fears. Then we share the lessons Hannah learned from grieving the loss of a friend to suicide and how that lesson can help us all no matter what we are facing.
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Amanda shares her story of having a son born premature at only 24 weeks, her marriage falling apart, and how she has survived and built a full life for herself and her son who has many health problems.
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Mike’s book “Pen Your Pain into Parables” is a tool for recovery if you struggle with any type of pain or trauma from the past. The book is a tool to help get unstuck from yesterday. It is founded on the idea there is a God who loves you, and combines narrative therapy and EMDR, a therapy that shows “we have to deal with unprocessed memories and interpret our past in a redemptive way to have more confidence to face the future.”
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Dream with us about how we could change the world through the power of hope.
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Joni shares her story of learning to value herself enough to break free from a situation that was ruining her mental health. Despite being attacked for her heart wrenching decision, she has a message of hope for anyone feeling trapped in a situation that is tearing them down.
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“Thank you for speaking up. This happened to me, too, but I’ve never told anyone.” Our guest, Cheri Crider, hears this often. After breaking free from exploitation and now working for Amirah, she advocates for others to find their voices. Amirah is an organization for survivors of sex trafficking, providing residential, outreach, and education services, helping them to find refuge, community and lasting healing. However, Cheri is blunt in her protectiveness of these survivors -- she doesn’t share “survivor stories” or “survivor porn” so others can feel better about themselves. Cheri shares that God was present even amidst her darkness and encourages others to see how He is there as well. How can we help survivors who have experienced this? She also answers the question, “What can I do? I’m only one person” in a powerful way. Cheri’s starfish analogy is impactful and is going to resonate with our listeners.
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If something is not working in your relationship or your life: it’s a skillset upgrade. Up-level your life. The core of who you are is so wonderful, you have the ability to change things, but you are great just who you are!
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Jennifer shares her desire for real connections. She talks about being a military spouse, working in church, moving and social media. We talk about the common struggle of trying to find real connections.
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How do we value ourselves through disappointment? Where can we find hope? Our guest Caitlin discusses struggling through isolation, calling in ministry, working with middle schoolers, battling an eating disorder and how she practices self-care to “hold her iced coffee.” She also introduces us to the term “being Felkeled” after the experience of living in RI with Cindy’s family as she worked with the ministry Sojourn. She was never the same again (lol). She
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Elaina shares a little of her story about being divorced and rising above shame. She also shares how she is presently learning to value herself more. She and Cindy both talk about embracing the awkward and clinging to hope.
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In part two of the interview with Cindy, she talks about learning to love her bubbly talkative personality despite how much people try to change her.
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In this episode, Cindy talks about getting burnt out with working in public education. She then tells of her journey to valuing herself and valuing others more fully.
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Elaina and Cindy talk about how they came up with the name "Hold My Iced Coffee", what it means to them and plans for future podcasts.
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